{"train": [{"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 5982, 6366], "asr": "Well, I'll go with the more obvious answer and then I'll try to think of something more interesting. When we're in bed together and our faces are so close together that we can't even focus our eyes but we just stay that way anyways.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 6366, 6750], "asr": "I think, I don't know, just something about our faces being that close together is like just really special and nice. Or when we're dancing.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 8992, 9376], "asr": "that you find the thing that gives you a lot of fulfillment because you moved to New York to be on Broadway and then realized you didn't want to be on Broadway.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 9376, 9760], "asr": "way and I think now that you're in school and trying to figure out what it is, and it doesn't have to be professionally, but just something that really", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 13122, 13506], "asr": "I've never told any of my partners, people that I've had a relationship with, and yeah, I've never told anyone that I love them. In some ways that like...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 13506, 13890], "asr": "was a big reason why my last relationship ended. And yeah, I think that's just something, there's something to that word in that context.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 14456, 14840], "asr": "I don't know, when you care about somebody and they're an important part of your life, then they deserve that. They deserve to be told that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 14840, 15224], "asr": "And yeah, I think it just has something to do with maybe the way I was raised, you know, like in a very sort of conservative family who I think they put like a lot of...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 20761, 21145], "asr": "I don't know, I feel like so much of my life has been just being hesitant or nervous about saying that to somebody else. And part of me, I'm just torn because part of me feels like that, like yes, you should hold that word to like\u2026", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 21145, 21529], "asr": "or that phrase to the highest standard and I think I do but then part of me feels like you should just let your heart be open to whatever and not think", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 21529, 21913], "asr": "so much. I think I just think too much about it and about everything. I'm just churning all the time. I don't know. I'm constantly on this back and forth of just like\u2026", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 25200, 25584], "asr": "Which is a challenge, I think, just because who knows what's going to happen. But I feel like, I don't know, I feel like we're in a good place. I feel like we're both enjoying the moment.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 27513, 27897], "asr": "Define it for me right now in my life, which is like you have somebody that you care about, that you enjoy spending time with, that you feel like you're learning from and growing with, then yeah, I do.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 32367, 32751], "asr": "I believe there's so many ones that it all just comes down to circumstances and right time, right place. If I was having a really bad day, I would be like, I'm going to be a bad guy.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 36743, 37127], "asr": "I guess, yeah, it'd be nice if, unless it's, you know, you know, making plans or like meet up here or here's the address, you know, it'd be nice just to talk and hear your voice and instead of texting.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 49021, 49405], "asr": "I don't know, I just, I guess just interesting places. Like the letter that you wrote me, which is just all the places that we could\u2026", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 59125, 59509], "asr": "I wrote it because I was just thinking, what is something that\u2026because I feel like we talk about things a lot and I was trying to think of a moment when we didn't or that stood out that you didn't and I remember that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 72351, 72735], "asr": "I think... I don't know. I'm not a person that lets go of things easily.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 5480, 5864], "asr": "What was the question? The three. Favorite memories. I always are the duality between our first and last date. The fact that we went to the exact, the exact", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 6938, 7322], "asr": "Does that count? I think that one time in your bed, it was during the not official", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 12667, 13051], "asr": "I don't know what you said about getting what you wanted and realizing that it scared you. Did the whole thing that happened after we broke up, we broke up after four years and then stopped seeing each other after five.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 17144, 17528], "asr": "You cracked me open.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 24965, 25349], "asr": "I really want to know. I mean, the first month was pretty hard. And there was specifically one week, like a month ago, that just, it was rough. Like, it was missing you a lot.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 28145, 28529], "asr": "But like the problems that we were facing in our relationship was not one-sided. Both of us were in college, we were 400 miles away, and we were seeing each other once every two weeks and... Yes, yeah. I mean, that was...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 35795, 36179], "asr": "I learned that the thing that you... I learned that you hooked up with one of my friends. And I learned, and that didn't faze me, I knew that. You guys were... I knew that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 47886, 48270], "asr": "warn next partner about you. That's so interesting because I don't think... I wouldn't be warning him for his benefit or for benefit. I'd be uh, I'd be being like, I'd, I'd...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 57300, 57684], "asr": "Oh, there was one time, this was like one of the toxic peaks of our relationship, like right after the summer had ended, where I am so not proud of this moment.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 63519, 63903], "asr": "I don't know. I'd like to think so, but that's just because I know. Like I have six to seven years of hindsight or five to six years of hindsight. Like I know you like the back of my hand, but I don't know. I don't know. I know you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 74395, 74779], "asr": "But next step is me taking the time I need so that one day, a week, a month, five years, ten years from now, I can show you that I still care about you, even if it's platonic and that not hurt.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 2053, 2437], "asr": "Oh man. Your shoes. I'm just kidding. I remember that you were really nervous. And you did what you do every single time you get into uncomfortable situations.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 2437, 2821], "asr": "and you do like little dance moves or something weird. So you like got off the train and I had pulled up and you like were like, hey, and I was like, wow. It was really funny. And then you leaned all the way to the right side of my car and your body language was like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 5818, 6202], "asr": "Oh man. I was thinking about this the other day because I think you have asked me this a few times. And we had talked about like what our love languages are, about like how we, you know,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 6202, 6586], "asr": "how people give and interpret love. And when I was with all my girlfriends, I knew that acts of service was like one of mine, like people helping me with things. And I like came home one day, you, we were,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 6586, 6970], "asr": "woke up early and I fell back asleep and I was late for work and there was like makeup on my floor and like my bed was like a mess I just felt like because you know you're when you've", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 6970, 7354], "asr": "visit it's like you know explosion in my room and I'm like a little OCD so it's like wow my room is like a mess and when I came back you like had cleaned everything and like ever since I've been with you like I don't know you like", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 7354, 7738], "asr": "make my bed perfectly and like the first time I came back to that I was like it was just unlike I know it seems like really small and like dumb but those little things really matter to me because a lot of my other relationships you know we've talked about it I get really taken advantage of and I", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 7738, 8122], "asr": "and I'm always the one doing everything, even when it's not my fault. So I remember the first weekend you were there, I woke up and you had cleaned my room and made sure everything was, I don't know, you knew.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 10302, 10686], "asr": "I think, I don't know how you'll feel, but I think it's after we have a disagreement. I think that because you usually bottle things in so much, I feel like when we have like a disagreement or you're upset,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 10686, 11070], "asr": "about something or I'm upset about something, you like finally tell me like how you're really feeling. So like I think probably after a fight because that's when I feel like you like are really like vulnerable and honest with me about how you feel.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 11070, 11454], "asr": "Where as opposed to like most of the other times like when you know everything's good You're like just go with that and you don't tell me along the way when things bother you But when we get into disagreement you kind of lay it all out I feel like I feel closer to you because of that", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 13818, 14202], "asr": "I don't think anything's surprised me in a bad way. I think before we first met, I stalked you. And I was like, you would pop off a lot. So I was nervous. I don't know, but I feel like...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 14202, 14586], "asr": "with like my flaws that I have of like communicating, like you're pretty patient and understanding with me, which I don't think you would be with anybody else. You would like not, you wouldn't have.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 14586, 14970], "asr": "it you'd be super frustrated. So I think like that did. I thought you would be like putting me in my place and being super spicy all the time but you're pretty like you let me like feel what I need to feel and then we just like get over it and like talk about it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 25364, 25748], "asr": "I think maybe just like maybe a couple of disagreements that we've had over the same things That never fully got resolved which is like talking about You know You're you know", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 25748, 26132], "asr": "sexuality and you know just things from my past that I think trigger both of us and make us feel insecure in the relationship. I think that those would be the only things", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 26132, 26516], "asr": "that I would say, but I wouldn't say that there would be anything in particular that I can think of that I like wish didn't happen. Yeah. I think that anything that happened so far was necessary for us to like learn more about each other. Exactly. But I can't think of anything.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 30944, 31328], "asr": "very different from me where I'm just like, I'll do what I want and people think what they want, I don't care. Obviously I have that 1% that cares, I'm a human, but for the most part, I've just grown a pretty thick interior where I'm like, you can't take anything personal.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 31408, 31792], "asr": "to worry about what anybody thinks. And I don't want that to change who you are at the core. And I've seen it a few times where you release a really bad message.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 31792, 32176], "asr": "honorable video or share something about your life and there's just like maybe one or two people that have something to say about it and you let it really eat you away and you question those incredible things about yourself. So I just worry like sometimes.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 32176, 32560], "asr": "that you're gonna let them like take you off the beaten path of who you are and you know what you stand for and because you're like really sensitive you're very said like the most sensitive it's not a bad thing I just think", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 32560, 32944], "asr": "that I worry that you're gonna let people change these really awesome parts about you because of their own shit that has nothing to do with you and their opinions of what they think and I think that's ridiculous.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 37561, 37945], "asr": "So I think I've kind of let that go a lot. I think about it sometimes, but I'm like, I don't feel that fear with you. I mean, the situation is present.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 38306, 38690], "asr": "I don't know. I feel like maybe it's just something that I let go because I know how much it bothers you when I bring it up. I know it makes you feel insecure too. But I don't know. That's the only thing I can do.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 42703, 43087], "asr": "Probably when you made that comment About you know cuz I am I'm in a place right now where you know, I'm Wanting to do something more, you know meaningful with my life and not just like making", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 43087, 43471], "asr": "a living. I want, you know, I'm grateful that I do really well with my job but I want it to be something that's actually making a difference and I kind of turn to you for some like kind of open that up.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 43471, 43855], "asr": "a little bit and I felt like your response triggered my own insecurity of what I was trying to explore and resolve. So it made me feel like I scurried back in my home.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 43855, 44239], "asr": "and just like wanted to deal with it on my own because I like think that everybody goes through times in their life where they you know are really happy and they feel like it's like a new stage but then things become a bit stagnant and you know whether you", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 44239, 44623], "asr": "be uninspired or you're feeling like maybe you can go in another direction. I think that's kind of where I was at and I wanted to kind of turn to you like, hey, these are some ideas of maybe sharing more of my writing or exploring different areas where I could like\u2026", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 44780, 45164], "asr": "It's beautiful. But I just felt like I wanted, I didn't want necessarily like devil's advocate. I wanted more like just like standing by me in like a brainstorming session and I kind of felt like, I just felt disregarded a bit. It hurt my feelings.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 49253, 49637], "asr": "I think... Probably... Not listening to anybody else's advice and like... And probably just...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 49637, 50021], "asr": "you know, letting people know that we were together, regardless of what anybody's opinions or preconceived notions were, how they thought that we were supposed to let people know that we were together. I thought that was a good idea.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 50661, 51045], "asr": "But I told people that we were together, but I felt like, I don't know, I felt like it was us. I felt like that was the way that we would have done it and it was small and probably was not very, you know.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 54050, 54434], "asr": "I mean, I, in 10 years, would love to be at a place where we both feel settled and where we are with our careers. And like, you know, as we get older, that's when you really kind of like shift out.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 54434, 54818], "asr": "the friends that aren't gonna be your life partners. And I want to get to that place where I'm trying to buy a house right now. So I would love to have a family and be in a place where we can both", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 54818, 55202], "asr": "So you can have your dream of traveling and writing and I can support that and be happy too. Because I know that if you're not writing you're like Looney Tunes so I feel like I would want that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 55202, 55586], "asr": "That's where I would see us as both individually happy so that we could be bringing a lot to the table in our relationship. And I think that that's still something that we're both working on individually while trying to do this. I think we can.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 56109, 56493], "asr": "Yeah. Be nerds and I... That's ideally where I would see us and hopefully not having any of the like beginning kinks of a relationship where, you know, which I don't think that would happen. Mm-mm. No. You know, getting to know each other.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 67837, 68221], "asr": "I feel like I know what you're trying to say and I think like as you know like my history in relationships has been very painful and I've been cheated on a lot and hurt a lot and people have been with me for the wrong reasons.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 68457, 68841], "asr": "are very close to and but for the most part a lot of them were bad. And I wouldn't say they're bad, I learned a lot from them but they were very painful and after my last relationship I knew that", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 68841, 69225], "asr": "I couldn't keep going for the same type of person because it was always the same result. It was unrequited and it was hurtful. And it was because I was dating people that, for the entirely wrong reasons, that we had to be together.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 69472, 69856], "asr": "Ultimately, I got into relationships with people that I knew probably weren't going to work out in the first place because that's all I knew from my childhood and I got to a point with my last relationship after taking how long three years to like", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 69856, 70240], "asr": "travel and work on myself and when I saw you, you had everything that I wanted and I felt like I was always dating little girls and you're like a woman. This is the truth and you handle me like a woman and you don't.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 70749, 71133], "asr": "like physically you feel like I've dated like a certain type. Yeah. And I disagree with that. I think that, I don't know, I think any of my friends have noticed like, I don't know, I don't think that I do have a type.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 71133, 71517], "asr": "I think that everybody I've been with would always be like, didn't expect that, didn't expect that. And I think that if you're not my type in the way of like, how successful, like I get intimidated by like the fact that you have a book coming out and I'm like, oh my god, what am I going to do?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 71625, 72009], "asr": "deal and I'm so proud of you but you know I'm not used to someone I'm always used to being like the one that takes care of someone and I don't have to do that with you I don't have to take care of you and like lead you in the right direction and hand hold you into like what life decision does Orion make next?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 72009, 72393], "asr": "I just trust you to always be doing what you need to be doing for yourself and feeling your own weight in this relationship. And I've never had that with anybody that I've been with. So you keep saying, comparing this physical thing, and I think that that is...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 72963, 73347], "asr": "I stalked you for a while until you finally gave in, right? I mean, how many times did I have to be like, hello, you're hot, I wanna like hang out with you before you were like, fine. And you finally gave me the time of day, but it took.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 73347, 73731], "asr": "me time. And that was based off of, I mean, I knew nothing about you as any relationship usually starts unless you're friends and fall in love with each other, which is incredible. But we didn't know anything about each other. So when I", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 74001, 74385], "asr": "I remember it was the little singing video that you did. I was like, this girl is a cutie. And I wanted to get to know you. And it wasn't just based off of how you look either. There was something different.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 74385, 74769], "asr": "And that's what I was drawn to. And I was scared because it was something new for me to go after someone for also their passions and what they're interested in. I know you still like...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 1976, 2360], "asr": "You know, something I actually remember is when we were at that one party and we just needed, well you'll know when I say, we just needed like space outside of the commotion so we went outside.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 2826, 3210], "asr": "in the sun, like when we were lying in Denver and like we were taking that nap at the park next to your house. And I just like looked up at you and it was just like your face and like the sky behind me. And I felt.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 24777, 25161], "asr": "learning to be patient for you, which I am learning. But yeah, being patient for you in those moments doesn't mean that I can't still be fast paced, you know?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 31120, 31504], "asr": "Other than like my family that I've known in my entire life and for you to be like critical like that stuff that I can do for myself, I advocate it. So like even the idea or like even the fact that you're", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 60893, 61277], "asr": "See, moments like those, those moments I know you're just so inherently good because I grew up with those moments. Those moments are my life. And to see you get so mad. It's like...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 64070, 64454], "asr": "This is my question. Where do you think we'd be now if we never met? Wait, wait. I said my own question, mom. Where do you think you'd be now if we never met? Let's say I didn't graduate high school early.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 18823, 19207], "asr": "I think our quality time has understandably been compressed and is much more, it's much rarer.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 19517, 19901], "asr": "Hey, on top of everything else you're doing, try a little harder to spend more quality time with me. I think that's a difficult thing for me to ask for.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 35386, 35770], "asr": "You pick me up in a way that I have never been able to dust myself off. And you make me feel like such an incredible and amazing man.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 40402, 40786], "asr": "When you left the other week, I stayed home with the dogs. I slept in until nine or something like that. And for the first time in almost two years,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 41102, 41486], "asr": "And I realized this silence, this stillness, we used to experience this all the time. It's part of our lives once a week, twice a week. And I realized", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 41486, 41870], "asr": "I hadn't experienced that in almost years. So with that experience, really rings.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 41870, 42254], "asr": "moments with you just just quiet relaxed tranquil moments with you where we're not thinking about the next thing that we have to do there's not", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 42254, 42638], "asr": "this mental checklist bearing down as to what hasn't been done or what do we have to do and going to bed exhausted by 1030 and the wake and just Just time just to", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 54708, 55092], "asr": "I think your biggest challenge right now, and for as long as you let it be, will be to be in a place of ease.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 63591, 63975], "asr": "Well, there's, I think there are two aspects of it. I think there's the intrinsic you, that is just who you are, and then there is the environment that also impacted", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 63975, 64359], "asr": "who you've become. So first is the intrinsic you, which is amazing because I see these photos of you with lipstick all over your face with the huge grin and your arms around Sparky.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 64359, 64743], "asr": "And I see this child with this zest for living, this precociousness that clearly is not how I was as a kid. And to then see Naya and to see the level of", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 64787, 65171], "asr": "Get the fuck out of my way, I'm doing this. And just going out and grabbing life. Before she understands what going out and grabbing life is, it's just part of who she is. And I can see.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 66011, 66395], "asr": "heart, just this incredible desire to go out and take from life what you want from it that is an innate part of who you are.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 66815, 67199], "asr": "figuring out how to adapt and figuring out how to evolve with the situation. And what that's allowed you to do is to. Find. A quote.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 67360, 67744], "asr": "myself can go out and you can find something in the world and say I really like that I like the way that is I like the way that looks I like the way that feels I'm gonna make that a part of myself and it's another incredible incredible", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 67744, 68128], "asr": "part of who you are that I think is more that way because of your environment and how you had to adapt to the environment around you. Those are two off the top of my head.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 70672, 71056], "asr": "I think we owe it to ourselves to do more of that. And so, you know, we're talking about having one more kid. That's it. I'm not going to throw something out like,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 71763, 72147], "asr": "takes some of the profound challenges that we have as a society in raising children as single couples, which is damn near fucking impossible. And how can we try to...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 72147, 72531], "asr": "make impacts on children's lives, make impacts on parents' lives. I feel like we meet parents and they are struggling and dying for companionship, for camaraderie, for...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 40682, 41066], "asr": "I mean, you're very energetic, but mainly what detracts me is that your motivation still to this day is money. You use our money.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 41238, 41622], "asr": "It's a monthly expenses as an excuse and a reason for being that way. But that's what detracts me in our relationship that you're still money motivated and I can't be that way no more because.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 64517, 64901], "asr": "But this is what you allowed to happen when you were not just the older one, but the one with the experience that's needed to advance in life. You possess that knowledge.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 70666, 71050], "asr": "Because you provided all of those things. I mean, you actually, not so much you provided it, but you assisted me with accomplishing everything that I knew I needed in my life so that I wouldn't go back to prison, so that I wouldn't be involved in the street.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["wrhnUxQrx8g", 31875, 32259], "asr": "that mommy can do aside from asking you how you feel about something or that I could say that will help you communicate with me better.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["wrhnUxQrx8g", 32936, 33320], "asr": "My cousins and my, not my friends, my cousins doing things that were for older kids and making fun of me for not wanting to peer pressure. It was hard because I didn't fall into it so then they would like stuff.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["wrhnUxQrx8g", 36771, 37155], "asr": "what we're supposed to do or maybe because I'm being nosy. No. Okay. I'm gonna tell you my why and then you tell me why you think I do it, okay? I'm afraid when you get older, that will drift apart and we don't have a strong foundation then you won't come to me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["wrhnUxQrx8g", 45255, 45639], "asr": "You were still alive and you were still laughing and you were still a happy baby even though there were tons of things that I could not get you because I was so young. And you are this marvelous young lady now and I realized like, oh you know what, nobody's a perfect parent and you don't have to be perfect so you told me that I don't have to be.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["wrhnUxQrx8g", 67636, 68020], "asr": "And just now you said in 20 years you want to be teaching by lady little girls. You can do all of that. Ambitions are things that you want to do with your life. People have been, at a professor in college who was a scientist, he worked for Nassau, and then he went and got his doctorate and he was teaching something else.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 18987, 19371], "asr": "our ability to talk to each other. Like even about, let's say for the five months, we were even able to come to each other and talk about that, like openly and freely, and we usually allow ourselves to do that. I think that's", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 24384, 24768], "asr": "I don't know. We talked about me knowing that like, a lot of the times when I feel like you don't understand me, it's my perception of that. So like whatever the fuck I'm going through, I feel like, ah, she's not gonna be able to get it because of how I'm.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 29935, 30319], "asr": "Since then it's been moments where I'm like, ah, she doesn't understand me. But then I'm always like, she doesn't understand me. To me being stupid, to me not understanding. Like you always say, I have to tell you more. You get me? I have to let you know.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 31563, 31947], "asr": "I wouldn't say not like the person that you are but times when like we're talking about when I have to When I know you can and want to do something like you you you find you find with", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 32712, 33096], "asr": "I'd rather rather. Happy artistic Maggie does things very the way she wants to do them. But then like the other times, which isn't really that different, but when you're working and stuff, when you're straight working and like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 33096, 33480], "asr": "you don't have time to do any of your art or like go exploring and all that stuff. Like I notice you get like sad a lot of the time. Because like it's not your art isn't a distraction but it gets your mind focused on that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 40902, 41286], "asr": "I don't, I mean, sexiest quality. Yeah. Can I phone a friend? No. No. I don't think so. Yeah, yeah, I'll say my brain. Oh, my brain.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 46727, 47111], "asr": "from whatever circumstances you're in a lot of the time. Because I know it's like overbearing and stressful, you know? I wish I could save you from a lot of that. Because I don't know which one's causing you to hurt the most, but...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 48653, 49037], "asr": "You have to stay in it and you have to see it. But you're beautiful, regardless of all that. You feel me? All that shit. You're a gorgeous ass woman. Seeing you right now. All of that though. Thank you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 64041, 64425], "asr": "everything. Your kindness, your willingness to try with me especially, your soul, you have a very sweet soul. You've had a sweet soul since I met you, but you opened up a lot more to me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 64739, 65123], "asr": "be passionate about things, you get me? I love seeing you when you're, I love seeing when you're going and like, you don't see no stop yet. Yeah. I love that. I love seeing the evolution of Maggie as well. I'm very, I'm very,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 3217, 3601], "asr": "That's a good question. I mean, just by... I kind of feel like, I don't know what it would be, like what you would do, but you feel like you're a people person. It kind of seems like you can talk to people pretty well, or like you're doing this for your...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 3601, 3985], "asr": "probably pretty comfortable with yourself. Who do I think you are? That's like a very like wow. You seem very nice so far. Nothing that's been like you know.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 8278, 8662], "asr": "Okay. Gotcha. So yeah, to kind of like, I guess give you like some answers for once. Yeah, you know, I kind of like look for like a best friend, kind of. Someone who's kind of like a lot like me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 14028, 14412], "asr": "I guess I'd be fearful of like just the problems that arise in relationships. Because when you're with someone that you care about and then spark a fight.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 15413, 15797], "asr": "Don't know. It's alright. I guess I can't really talk about that exciting really don't it would be it would be big and especially when I'm like looking for people that are like you know that I can like really relate to and like The best buds with when you start fighting is it's a mess", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 16654, 17038], "asr": "that I'm horrible at communicating with in terms of like how I'm feeling and like my emotions. We had a like a big issue", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 26405, 26789], "asr": "Yeah, just because you just have like a vibe that you give out that's just like you're very comfortable with yourself and you're very like...and I feel like that could be something that you can definitely use to embrace like sexuality and stuff and that's something that could be like huge for...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 38955, 39339], "asr": "I think that's kind of what I was thinking was like along the lines of not forming her identity around like wanting to attract guys or like be like be like attractive for guys and like I want her to be herself.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 54504, 54888], "asr": "No, I think that you're single right now because it seems like you have dealt with some shit before and it seems like you've gone through some crap and you're kind of at the point in your life where you're trying to figure out where you're going. You're trying to figure out because you feel like you're lagging behind.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 57273, 57657], "asr": "buzzword yeah yeah that was that was pretty that's pretty accurate that was the kind of thing that ended my last relationship was I was just like fell on", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 57657, 58041], "asr": "unsettled. I was like, I'm so young and I was only in really one serious relationship. I was in a couple but like one that lasted for like three years from high school to college and it was just like a very serious like\u2026", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 59066, 59450], "asr": "I don't really have anything I'm looking at. It's not that I know I will learn from it, and so any relationship that is new, I'm kind of like, what am I going to learn from this? It's not like I'm going into being like, you know, I want to learn how to talk to different people.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 59450, 59834], "asr": "like how to be a better kisser or something like that. It's just like each thing is like its own little experience and I'm kind of like excited to see what's gonna come out of it. I don't know if I really have anything that I'm looking to learn. Maybe more of a", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 65621, 66005], "asr": "There's a bunch, a lot of jams. So what about, cause I know you brought up earlier the difference of like race and stuff. Would it be intimidating for me to approach you being like never been with a white guy or whatever? Nope. It wouldn't be intimidating?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 2200, 2584], "asr": "Go. As soon as we left, I think you were, well we talked about this, but you were more angry about it. I think it came as more of a shock.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 6358, 6742], "asr": "How much I'd internalized? Yeah. And I didn't know that, I didn't know, I didn't understand. I was so emotionally disconnected from it, I thought. Yeah. I thought. Because I finished high school, you know.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 24435, 24819], "asr": "Yeah, yeah, for sure. I do read and, you know, try to inform myself as best that I can. But I also feel self-conscious sometimes talking to you about it, because I'm worried that I'm gonna mess up or say something wrong.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 29289, 29673], "asr": "there and knowing that you love and support me regardless of our built in relationship. Because we're working on a friendship but it is there and I am secure in it and I'm so grateful for it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 31222, 31606], "asr": "Us being willing to do anything for each other ever. Ever. Anything. Us putting each other first in a lot of ways.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 32378, 32762], "asr": "Words can't describe how I feel about just wanting to do everything for you all the time and making sure you're safe and cared for. I know that's because we're related, but it's also because we're not. Because I admire you so much and love you more than anything.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 20264, 20648], "asr": "like pre is a balance for us to like, and it's kind of bad sometimes too. I mean, those are reasons why I also questioned the relationship before is because it's like, when we fight, it's like, I take the time to make sure I don't like dump stuff on you, even though I'm not.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 32501, 32885], "asr": "We're going to kind of be like the same person and it's going to be like right now we're like fires that are like just making each other worse and burning each other's village down or whatever. But like we're going to be like unstoppable force and be able to create everything that we both have in our minds. Like I love when we talk about these.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 2998, 3382], "asr": "people said to me, if you love me, you wouldn't do this to us. You know, you do this to me, you know, and, you know, that is ever so not the case whatsoever.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 3533, 3917], "asr": "to this deep, there's obviously something inside of me that I'm not okay with. And that's why I sit there and try to figure it out myself on, you know, if I go to get high,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 12391, 12775], "asr": "feel strongly about that is you do, I guess. I don't know. It's, it's we all, we all have our own issues growing up, you know, and what makes me angry about it is because, you know, I was still there.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 16716, 17100], "asr": "But you just got to have faith in, I don't want to keep saying, I'm going to do this and do that and just not do it. I'm tired of selling broken records. I don't want to say those things no more. But I will say this, you just need to have faith in your father.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 17100, 17484], "asr": "you know and I think I think a lot of this is you know turn to the Lord telling you because it's something the part of way greater than myself", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 18165, 18549], "asr": "like, you know, get a car accident or you know, hurt somebody or get another DUI or something, social services get involved, what have you. Something with the court, you know. Well, you know, I don't.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 18549, 18933], "asr": "I don't want that to happen before I get myself straight. But I believe it's gonna happen. God's gonna make it happen. Maybe it's part of it here, I don't know.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 19067, 19451], "asr": "All I know is that, you know, the more we do right things versus wrong things, the better things that happen to us. It just, it just comes naturally. It's just.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 23441, 23825], "asr": "grateful that I did something right because you know I still talk to all my children and you basically you almost every day pretty close and", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 27827, 28211], "asr": "Well, just knowing that, you know, you will, you will stand your ground, you know, especially when it comes to the kids. If Dad wants to keep acting a goddamn fool, you know, but I don't see him.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 3083, 3467], "asr": "I think you not being around me or the family, even Jesse probably, that's probably pretty hard on you. And then the way, the sequence of events that happened in between, everything else.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 19952, 20336], "asr": "Because you showed me, in that moment, you showed me when we were talking, you showed me that you do not care at this moment. And I just, I said, fuck it, I'm done.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 25088, 25472], "asr": "I told myself that I can't reason being because, you know, again, two different lifestyles, you know, you're doing something that I won't be able to handle.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 29147, 29531], "asr": "It's tough, it's really tough. It was really tough breaking up. It was really tough being without you. It's just, I came to understanding that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 29531, 29915], "asr": "Sometimes it's like that. Sometimes two people can't, they can love each other very much, but their love will always be there, but they just, they can't. They won't be able to find that neutral ground to keep things going.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 2855, 3239], "asr": "I internalized it because we were exposing our relationship to everybody, you know, and their understanding of why we're together, what pain I've caused to you, what pain you are in.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 3239, 3623], "asr": "of course to me and our reason for being together is more of tolerance than, you know, true love. You know, and we're accepting each other just because", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 3623, 4007], "asr": "We've caused each other pain, you know, like we're being together forcefully to heal. But with that being said, how would I be able to heal from the pain I went through?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 4007, 4391], "asr": "while being with you, without you. I wouldn't be able to heal properly. You were there from the beginning, before the pain, during and after, and now we're gonna continuously be in a healing process. This is what makes it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 10284, 10668], "asr": "Everybody was affected in some form of another. And what made it profound and the greatest is because we did it. And as soon as we accomplished it, the whole world was happy.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 12134, 12518], "asr": "As if, as if what I said in English does not make sense in Spanish, what you gonna let me get away with it? You gonna let me, you gonna, okay, alright.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 18906, 19290], "asr": "be comfortable any and everywhere because of what I went through. Our son, our son gets nervous when he sees the police and when he knows they're not, you know, all bad people or.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 26503, 26887], "asr": "You've seen the movies or read the books. The guy is in some morbid void or something's happening, and he got to come to the realization that that's not his reality.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 27974, 28358], "asr": "on an international flight, you know, to all the continents, all over the world. It feels like an excursion, you know, like going like all terrain, the water, the fucking rocky mountains and...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 14712, 15096], "asr": "so thankful that he was there to try the CPR because I couldn't do it because I didn't want to. It's like if I didn't do it it's because I didn't need to. Does that make sense?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 20974, 21358], "asr": "that prop other than losing that 100% Was my most vulnerable moment and you hit it on the head and then this is what killed me was watching dad's face. I don't know if he was", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 21707, 22091], "asr": "you know, broken. And that's how I felt. So yeah, that was super vulnerable. And that's okay because everything happens for a reason. And I'm alive.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 23316, 23700], "asr": "I would give you obviously everything that I have in my name to make sure that you're taken care of. And for the baby, the little girl. So that's it, never forget that. I will take care of you from.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 25741, 26125], "asr": "you and if we are really twins because we want to be twins the way I see you strong intelligent beautiful nurturing successful", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 26125, 26509], "asr": "All these things that I strive to be, I'm looking at it in you. We are the same. So I wish that we could see that and remind each other like, like, duh, I am great because you're great. And we are the same.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 26904, 27288], "asr": "Yeah, see now I'm making fun of this. Because you think that I'm really funny, and I obviously am somebody who seeks validation in very many ways. I think it, because it's a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 27884, 28268], "asr": "And you will let me be her mother too. Which, it's feeling more natural and less like a charitable thing. It's feeling less like, oh poor Shmafi, she doesn't have a mother.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Cusa1_4R_QI", 1833, 2217], "asr": "You know what, that's amazing because that's the part of a phase of my life that I'm trying to figure out. Trying to like, you know, I just started a company and...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Cusa1_4R_QI", 20758, 21142], "asr": "matter. And it doesn't matter how you put it out. It doesn't matter if it's with laughter, if it's with tears, if it's with anger. If somebody don't give a fuck, they don't give a fuck. And there's nothing that... And then I saw this...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Cusa1_4R_QI", 23347, 23731], "asr": "But we've been through enough stuff to know it's time, our time. Like it's us. Like, we got to be a little selfish right now. I'm like, sorry. Like, you know what I'm saying? And I think that's important. We both have kids and we know the struggle of like, I know for me, like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 3996, 4380], "asr": "But I went on, this was like in 2010, I went on a blind date. And right from the start, I kind of knew she wasn't, it wasn't going to be good. And she made me. And she made me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 4380, 4764], "asr": "feeling comfortable and like it just wasn't great and I didn't have the courage to say that. So then we just both of us sat through a very miserable date.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 4764, 5148], "asr": "where it was just like, wow, I didn't want to have said that. Because she definitely felt the same way. So it was just like, I think for me, it's like when you, it's being upfront of what you're looking for, what you're looking for.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 13468, 13852], "asr": "For me, it's been your sexiest qualities and your confidence. Like, you started, you feel, to me, really grounded. And grounded and through that creates this sense of, you know,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 13852, 14236], "asr": "showing up the way that I'm showing up. So like I like that I like your style, I like your earrings and like I like that you're you feel like you can be yourself and you can have that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 15113, 15497], "asr": "I think I would play with the fact that you like to be confident and then I would take positions of power that would surprise you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 15497, 15881], "asr": "And so then you would feel not you would feel like not less but not necessarily in control. And so we would play with that. We would definitely I would because I'm typically I am.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 16446, 16830], "asr": "in ways of power. So it's like, yeah, I guess I get it. It sounds like we would have your plane. We would I think we would have we would play with and navigate the like, who gets to have control.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 23530, 23914], "asr": "competitive nature that I function at, that I'm trying to navigate and not have play into, especially romance, where to allow me to feel more free in that. But maybe it's not that you...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 25749, 26133], "asr": "Well, you go first. I definitely feel chemistry. It's been really fun chatting with you. I kind of love how there was this like, I love the build of it. And where we're at now is really great. Like, I feel like you can come, I could show you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 26439, 26823], "asr": "I feel, yeah, I think that'd be really great. I think for me, I feel challenged around the distance feeling of it, you know, of like where you live and where I live. But there's, I'm not denying that there's", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 2680, 3064], "asr": "Then they sent me straight to the hospital. And that time is about two in the morning. And then the people in hospital, they told you,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 5325, 5709], "asr": "When you came down to Otago to study, and then you miss me because no one cooked for you, you ring back home and then you said, you miss me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 13199, 13583], "asr": "poor. And I wish I could have my mom and my dad make more money to help to grow for my brother and my sister. But in that time, Vietnamese", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 15656, 16040], "asr": "In that time I feel I can't help mom and dad. I make mom and dad really upset about that. That's why I try to kill myself. Because I'm not the one.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 23012, 23396], "asr": "your friend, your husband, and your husband's side is really important. To protect your life is the heart you spend for your family.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 24971, 25355], "asr": "Oh, sick and die. When we born, we had nothing. Then one day when we pass away, we had nothing to come down to the earth.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 25886, 26270], "asr": "jewelry or I don't need anything for myself. Just I want everybody around me happy and have enough food, enough clothes and I'm really happy to see you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 26623, 27007], "asr": "from you is the when you want to do something you go ahead go ahead with something you do it that i learned it from you because when i was young until now", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 7633, 8017], "asr": "Yeah, I worry about that a lot. It's another thing I'm hesitant to tell you, because I just want you to be happy and enjoy this, like, beautiful... Love! Love is such a beautiful delusion. Like, it really is, and I just don't want to take you out of that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 14873, 15257], "asr": "When I walked out of the pretrial and I got your message and you said Thank you on behalf of all survivors it just meant so much Like I was fine all day", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 20089, 20473], "asr": "I remember I was sitting on the porch. It was right after I got back from Cambodia and Was sitting on the porch with my mom I Was talking because I was just so like after I after I just like got rid of him. I was just so", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 20473, 20857], "asr": "elated. Oh my god. It was like this like all of the horrible, horrible suppression of like the beautiful energy and spirit that I have inside of me just like was over and it just like I just came up out of the dirt and I was like I'm here like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 20857, 21241], "asr": "like this is who I am and it was just amazing. It was like being high all the time on myself. I was high on myself. And I was like, I'm good. I did it, it's over, you know? And I needed that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 21241, 21625], "asr": "And I think I thought it would last forever, you know? And so we were sitting on the porch and she was like, she was like, honey, I just really hope that you don't let this stop you from being able to.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 21625, 22009], "asr": "to love and trust someone again. And I remember when she said it, I was like, nah, I'm open, you know? Open heart, open mind. And I've always been that way. I've always been like, if you find something that you love, if you meet someone that you love, you run fun.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 14521, 14905], "asr": "It just sounds fucked up to say. It was like there was just, there was a genuine, it felt like a genuine sense of remorse.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 14905, 15289], "asr": "It was that thread, that thread of genuine remorse that I think just let me without context and without any of the stuff that I had.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 15289, 15673], "asr": "that was going on reconnect to you. And asking myself, is this a woman that I wanna be with? And it was yes.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 15673, 16057], "asr": "It was yes, it was like, absolutely. I don't wanna be with her if this is what our relationship is like. But I absolutely wanna be with this woman. This person in front of me right here, right now.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 17663, 18047], "asr": "My experience with number one of no matter how hard I try, no matter how much time I put in, I'm not the one who's wanted. I'm not. I'm not the person. I'm not the preference.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 18047, 18431], "asr": "And part of me's been glad that it happened to me, because I feel like it would have been easier for me than it would have been for you. But we're going on like four years now of dealing with that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 18431, 18815], "asr": "And that has been so hard for me. One of my biggest fears is having it be even worse. Now it's like a two-person club and it's like, okay, I'm not a part of the two-person club but a three-person club.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 18815, 19199], "asr": "I'm even more fearful of feeling even further apart.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 25504, 25888], "asr": "And it was the first chance I had gotten to really just get to take a moment and just be present with you. And I said that I missed you and the other part was the feeling of", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 7468, 7852], "asr": "you find out you didn't know the whole story and there's this now that changes the aspect. There's so much happening right now. And so probably that would be one thing I've been hesitant to bring up.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 11507, 11891], "asr": "because what she was getting at and what she finally got to was, I want to make sure that your money is not going towards something that you don't really want it to go to. Because she's read and heard, you know,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 19033, 19417], "asr": "It was heartbreaking. Right, right, right. And it wasn't just the George Floyd, it was Breonna Taylor as well. Yeah. I mean, there's no words to describe what's happening.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 9964, 10348], "asr": "Ditto, right? It's the same, it's the shame that I see when we look at our past, right? To let you know that that's okay, that you don't have to be ashamed. You don't have to be guilty. That's just stuff that's happening.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 10477, 10861], "asr": "how hard that is. It's like an anchor and a weight. But I also, it's like the tater totter again. I know that once you let that go, like the whole world opens up and it becomes an amazing place and I'm afraid that you don't see that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 19370, 19754], "asr": "There's a few. I mean there's the graduation, there's these things. I think", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 19754, 20138], "asr": "Would taking a key tag make any sense whatsoever? I think that the white key tag probably made me the most proud of you. Of all. There's a lot of times that I am.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 24136, 24520], "asr": "how guilty you feel, it's hard to feel your love, right? Because it feels like it's filtered. Again, I believe it's a rejection thing.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 24930, 25314], "asr": "indescribable. It's rewarding. In an instance, you can make everything anger, fears,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Q0u2BSEimEo", 14886, 15270], "asr": "I've moved along a lot in my transition, which is great. I think mentally, like, we're miles away from, like, where we were before. We've changed so much as people.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 380, 764], "asr": "you know, we made a decis was going to be formed. W if we wanted to have a bi through biological means", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 764, 1148], "asr": "That wasn't the route that we wanted our family to be formed through. And so when we heard about you, I knew immediately that you were my son. I know that people laugh when people", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 1148, 1532], "asr": "say, well, I know that God told me something. And I've never heard the audible voice of God ever say Mellusa or anything like that to me. But if there was ever a time that was probably the closest to an audible voice, it was probably then.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 3241, 3625], "asr": "Because I think that it shaped you. Hopefully it shaped you in a way that as a young man, you're gonna move forward and value your life.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 4087, 4471], "asr": "because I think that it impacted you in a way that for a while it snuffed out that bright light. Would you agree? And you hid it. You hid your bright light for a while so that you weren't", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 4471, 4855], "asr": "seen or heard and I think that hopefully the way that we dealt with that and how we work together hopefully as you move forward I see your light shining bright", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 4855, 5239], "asr": "I see you feeling freer to joke and kid around and have conversations around the dinner table and put yourself out there to meet people. I know that's not easy for you. But I would say in general, you're doing a great job.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 10400, 10784], "asr": "But what about all the times that people used to ask us why I was white and you were black? Like, how did that make you feel when people would just come up and ask us? People had no business knowing. Do you remember when we were at Lake Park? Yeah.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 17257, 17641], "asr": "just said that it reminds me of on Noggin when you were little and we used to watch Noggin all the time and there was that song F-A-M-I-L-Y, you know what I'm talking about? And that family, you picked up on that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 17641, 18025], "asr": "on this and I don't know you might have just been five and you said mom ILY are the last three letters of family ILY that means I love you", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 18025, 18409], "asr": "I was like mind blown that this five year old took something so simple and made it so like deep and complex. And Evan, I just\u2014what makes us family is that there is\u2014", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 21268, 21652], "asr": "So when I've told you before that if I've ever questioned if God was real, He is real, because my whole heart's cry was always to be\u2014I wanted to be a mother.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 21652, 22036], "asr": "I felt really honored that he picked me to be your mom. And so when I think about you and what your love feels like and being your mom, it affirms to me that God's real.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 22988, 23372], "asr": "Oh wow, just that you belong, that you're a part of our family, that you are our family, that I never want you to forget that you have roots that are really strong and deep and beautiful and that your birth", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 23372, 23756], "asr": "family has beautiful pieces to it, and that you're grafted in. I never want you to ever forget that you have a sense of belonging. Never want you to ever feel like you're displaced. So if this was our last conversation, I would be happy.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 6992, 7376], "asr": "right now but you don't want to do thanksgiving even even because it was thanksgiving without the people it was just me and I said won't you come with me over next now I don't want to do nothing I'm like get out of because I want you to stop taking things I think so personal I think that's what it is so I really don't", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 7605, 7989], "asr": "How can you let it go? Breathe, stop taking it so personal. And that's, I think that's your people, your other people's people, that's your father's people. They be on self-satisfaction. That's your father's people. They take stuff too personal.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 10003, 10387], "asr": "She was really getting on my nerves. Like she's, oh God, this girl can make me do something real crazy. But when you went off to school, I think is when I saw you as a woman. And I was just thinking, I like leaving, you know I cried all the way home of course. But I really,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 10387, 10771], "asr": "I really thought at this point she's a woman. And I think this is really about the fact that when I dropped you off I was like, oh my gosh, she may not need me. Like this is all about me. Am I needy? Oh my God. But I said, she doesn't need me anymore. She's not gonna need me. She's her own wife.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 10776, 11160], "asr": "Because I would have never had the guts to just go to Chicago for school. That's why I stay local. I would have never had the guts just to go. You have this ambition that just drives me insane because it's so amazing.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 16642, 17026], "asr": "Why can't I say what I was saying? More like the grown up kind of, because I have been in a way for the last couple of years and you have really just been like, Ma, be easy, take it easy, take it slow, don't think too much about it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 22663, 23047], "asr": "Why do you? You don't have to worry about me. I know my stuff is, it was ugly, but at the end of the day, I think right now we're both kind of growing up. Like I'm literally growing up. I'm leaving the nest at 47. Are you serious? So it's.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 4586, 4970], "asr": "Let go of comparison. You need to let go of comparison. You need to learn that everyone runs on different frequencies. There's no deadlines to life, although it may feel like it and although people don't.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 10917, 11301], "asr": "And it shapes the way we navigate the world sometimes a little bit. Especially because when people approach us, nine out of ten times it can be an inaccessible experience for me, due to the communication.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 15413, 15797], "asr": "I'd give you a choice, like I always do, and I would be like, because I know you're not the same person, this is what happened in the past. This is your out, how we've given each other out.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 15797, 16181], "asr": "If you want to stay with me, I would love that. And regardless of what you choose, I'll love you forever. But if you don't, what if you need time?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["VSdVKQhnD9s", 2510, 2894], "asr": "Probably like, what was it, like June, something like that? But like one of like the first or like the second nights that like you slept over and like, and like we couldn't fall.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["VSdVKQhnD9s", 15305, 15689], "asr": "You just know. You know things. But this was very different and it caught me off guard and I noticed it immediately and that was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["VSdVKQhnD9s", 21165, 21549], "asr": "of being human and like, but like the most beautiful part of being human and like how that's expressed, you know, like the nature of it, how it's expressed like through,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 5656, 6040], "asr": "our ability to talk to each other. Like even about, let's say for the five months, we were even able to come to each other and talk about that. Like openly and freely and we usually allow ourselves to do that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 16794, 17178], "asr": "But I think that's important though, honestly. Like if you're, even if you're in a unit, a unit isn't gonna work if two people aren't, I don't, not content in themselves, but like if they're not okay with themselves. Yeah, definitely. But as they were happening, it was definitely okay.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 19217, 19601], "asr": "Okay, no. We're both very emotional people, but I think if it's like when it's within a relationship Even though it shouldn't be hard because like, you know, your partner's with you and you know, they're good. Yeah myself I don't want you to have any of my burdens. Yeah, I tell you that all the time", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 19601, 19985], "asr": "time. I don't want you to have my problems. If it's my problem, it's my problem, which I know is like the stupidest thing to say. Being the way I am or how I've been raised or what I've learned, I can share. It's just a little bit of a...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 1524, 1908], "asr": "When I first encountered you 2008 early block course, I tapped you on the shoulder, because I watched you from the van and I noticed how you were pointing and directing a lot of people and everyone looked really respectful of what you were asking.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 1908, 2292], "asr": "asking him to do and I was kind of giggling to myself in the van and I had just better brought the courage to go over and tap you on the shoulder and let you know that I see right through that and that I wasn't scared of you. I remember that. That's number one.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 2292, 2676], "asr": "Number two was when, and it's kind of another funny story, we went out for dinner and then after that I went to go pay for it and then I was skipping.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 2922, 3306], "asr": "I know it's stupid, but you made my heart skip. So I was skipping. Skipped right into the door. But you, you know, that care that I saw when you... Because for me it was funny, but for you you actually...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 9151, 9535], "asr": "times when I'm really angry and those times of communication when I'm just at my wits end and I can't process and you know you're demanding an answer and you're wanting to talk to this and I lose it and I say fuck you, fuck off. Call you a bitch at one time and I'm very", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 9881, 10265], "asr": "And so, you know, your steadfast love for me, your patience, it's got me to a point where, fuck, I'm still, I still have remnants of my past, remnants of my father's.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 21251, 21635], "asr": "What are you teaching me? I'm sick of you teaching me things, Dan. You're always freaking teaching me all the time. When you're not teaching me, you're teaching me patience. You taught me to be self-reflective.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ktR3_bXoxaE", 2424, 2808], "asr": "I think I appreciate you more as a friend. You had boundaries, you had tensions, and then you extended grace and forgiveness. Sometimes I'm like, I'm not going to be able to do that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ktR3_bXoxaE", 2808, 3192], "asr": "I'm thinking you're still friends with them, you know? But that's what I witness and then, yeah, that's something inside of who you are as a friend that I really admire. Thank you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ktR3_bXoxaE", 5232, 5616], "asr": "scratching the surface on you know what other relationships look like like we haven't talked about as Friends like you dating and me dating we haven't talked about that like at all. Mm-hmm So you remember we were on the couch when you first?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ktR3_bXoxaE", 5616, 6000], "asr": "came back and you're like, yeah, if you want to, you know, somebody wants to come over, obviously I'm here, but if you're really happy, it's like, aww, you know, you're all supportive. And then, um, and then like,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ktR3_bXoxaE", 15662, 16046], "asr": "And that's probably the, like when I think about our relationship and trust, our trust for me has been built in those situations where the hard stuff had to be said. Even with the breakup.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ktR3_bXoxaE", 16789, 17173], "asr": "Yeah, and I was like, okay, so she's not gonna hide, you know? It's like she's gonna tell the truth and she's gonna run the risk of that being uncomfortable and we have to like wade through that. So I remember that was a big one for me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ktR3_bXoxaE", 17639, 18023], "asr": "that I would give you is what you did, which was keep trust and honesty at the foundation because if that's not there, then we really don't have anything.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 3170, 3554], "asr": "I feel like you get me in a lot of ways. I think my emotions are worse sometimes you don't always Value them and I know we've talked about this before but like the panic attacks in bathrooms and yeah", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 7672, 8056], "asr": "I just don't know, you know. And I, you know, and obviously I tell you that now, but I think sometimes, sometimes I am guilty of acting and talking.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 18480, 18864], "asr": "Your sobriety has taught me a lot. You've been a great sober buddy. Sobriety, sobriety sister. You get to try really hard.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 22312, 22696], "asr": "like mental health issues or trauma or anything. There's nothing that can really stop you if you really want to get sober. One day you just woke up and you decided you wanted to get sober and then you", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 3480, 3864], "asr": "The one time, the ultimate time that you disappointed me is when it was told to you that I was going to be executed and transported, well extradited to", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 3864, 4248], "asr": "South Carolina and instead of you awaiting the results of my sentencing, whether it was for me to be executed or whether it was for me to do...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 4248, 4632], "asr": "life plus 30 years, you chose to leave me while in solitary confinement that you knew I was in because of", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 14372, 14756], "asr": "The things that we know, I think that we're taking a little too long to teach ourselves. And that is? Just certain things, you know, whether it be about money, you know, history,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 18843, 19227], "asr": "how I can really be the husband, father, man, lover, to you, to help you continue to really be.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zS-xXIiLrWw", 3169, 3553], "asr": "I'm just gonna choose on this date once in a while. So the way I describe our relationship, the way I describe our relationship is because, what, see, now it's happening. You got it, you got this. The way that I describe our relationship to others.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 1597, 1981], "asr": "what because I don't have like a like you could you've done everything to me really great that's an experience I wish you never had to see because I thought about it and I said to myself I never want to see the look at her face like that again when that was happening and I know it wasn't like", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 2777, 3161], "asr": "and you all are putting handcuffs on my mother. That's your emotions as I watched you and I was trying to, when you were holding on to me and I was just like, just let me go because I never want to see that kind of pain.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 3161, 3545], "asr": "And you again Especially when I know you told me mom be easy. Let's go and I really should have just but that's me being impulsive Trying to get my point across. Let me know I got to do I'm gonna do What I should have just left well enough alone and I did", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 3787, 4171], "asr": "exactly how they made me feel. But in the interim, I made you feel like you were going to lose me. And I don't want you to ever feel like you're just going to lose me. And I know I've put you in, or the experience of you thinking that I would.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 4876, 5260], "asr": "How do I go on without her? And the one thing I'm thinking, and I know that the divine would not let me take my life. The divine wouldn't let me do that because the picture that I'm painting to you is,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 6731, 7115], "asr": "You know what I mean? So that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do I keep doing this backwards? Oh, man, this is ridiculous. Who wrote this? Is this me?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 10634, 11018], "asr": "What? About myself. I just always wanted you to be great and be better, but I realized that you play well by yourself, so I really didn't have to give myself, I don't know if I had to give myself advice.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 12710, 13094], "asr": "that you have been shown, trust all of that and trust yourself. Trust the greatness in you. Trust everything. Trust what you feel. Trust what you think. Trust what you do. Trust it all because at the end of the day that's", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 13183, 13567], "asr": "be this and like I wanted you to be a model because you have this model flair come through however trust in what makes a tear happy trust what makes a tear joyful trust what makes a tear alive so trust trust in you trust you", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 15016, 15400], "asr": "dramatically because as a little girl I had to love you as a little girl and you depended and needed me and I had to you know care for you and watch what I did and watch what I said. Maybe I didn't really watch what I said a lot. No you didn't. I didn't.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 16363, 16747], "asr": "evolved into this woman. So I told the stages of love have evolved. And so now I love you for the woman that you are. I've always loved. I can't change too many words with you to try to make things feel fancy.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 16747, 17131], "asr": "You know what I mean? The greatness in you, it's always been there. So I've had to love the levels of greatness I've watched you come into. So as a child, it was, oh, look at her. Oh God, why is she doing that? Let her do it, let her show up great, she's fine.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 17131, 17515], "asr": "um playing by yourself like okay she did look at her playing by herself she just and I had to love stuff like you not getting excited about Christmas you oh those are nice what else we got oh that's nice too you been moving on like okay y'all know", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 20234, 20618], "asr": "I like you as a woman, as a grown woman. I like you. We're not good girlfriends or anything, but I like you. You know what I mean? You know, you get grown and you get inside. She's my best friend now. She's not my best friend. She's still my daughter. I like her. We're not good girlfriends. I know.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 2286, 2670], "asr": "because I happen to be in the bathroom. This was the quietest place for me to go. But I mean, probably this place because the moment we go to work and then we come home, we'd go straight for the house. I straight for the house.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 2670, 3054], "asr": "the bathroom, strip your clothes off, goes in the hamper, goes into the whatever, just because you don't want to. Like this was a practice that we were doing anyway, was just extra, you know, vigilance and cleaning and disinfecting. But now it's just become like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 3054, 3438], "asr": "over awareness which is in this case very good. Whereas before it would have been seen as an OCD thing which I know you can relate to because you used to make your own hand sanitizer and baby wipes and hand wipes and all that stuff. They'll do.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 5863, 6247], "asr": "Well, you don't know that yet, but we're not through the woods. I mean, it's just the beginning. But I myself have been quarantined for over a week. But it feels like a month. It feels like forever. And I feel like forever.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 6601, 6985], "asr": "So when I was on the unit, they were reusing their gowns. And I was like, so they sent me there as a runner so I could help them make sure that they're taking their stuff on and off and on and off. And I was like, oh, I feel like I'm going to die.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 6985, 7369], "asr": "like an annoying babysitter, but one of them just kept going in and out of the rooms. And I said, hold on, hold on, hold on. I think you have to take those off. And she goes, actually, at this point, we are allowed to keep them on because we're going from COVID to COVID to COVID. So it doesn't really matter.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 11300, 11684], "asr": "It's the frustration that if you were fully armed, PPE and all that stuff and a full staff, a full healthy staff, it's kind of like you could take this on head on.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 11684, 12068], "asr": "and almost have no fear, and just don't even look behind you, but you're just kind of like feeling like a lone warrior on the field, and you're maybe throwing a spear here or there, and you hope it might land on something, but you don't know how effective it is.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 12068, 12452], "asr": "when you're doing what you're doing, even though you are giving it your all, you're just not as prepared as you should be, obviously, because you don't have the access to these things. And so the only thing that I can offer you at this time,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 14956, 15340], "asr": "like a piece of paper on the floor and it was at my job and I know housekeeping can pick it up. But I'm not above that so I bent down I picked it up I put it away and it's not like this big deal but I thought through practice of you know doing simple things that are good. God is", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 1111, 1495], "asr": "pretty. I think pretty. I love your eyebrows. Thank you. Thank you. I'm actually so self-conscious about them. So thank you. Yeah. No, I think they look great. Oh, thank you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 1495, 1879], "asr": "Thank you. Exactly like my, when I was younger, my mom used to tell me like, you're gonna love like your thick brows one day, like blah blah blah, because at the time when I was younger, that wasn't like cool. Yeah. So. I mean, now it's more fashionable.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 3021, 3405], "asr": "I forget what I... I'm from Italy. Oh you are! Are you in Italy now? Yeah I am. My gosh! How yes how are you before we move on to the next question? Yeah I'm fine thankfully but yeah.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 5429, 5813], "asr": "I feel like that's a conversation that some girls have. Yeah, you know, yeah. They just openly talk about that stuff. And what's the question you would like me not to ask you?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 10739, 11123], "asr": "Patience. Hmm. Um. I'm naturally very, I'm, I've said it, but I'm anxious a lot. Um. And I think that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 11172, 11556], "asr": "I'm just kind of learning that, you know, sometimes there isn't a next step or a, there's not an answer for what comes next.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 11556, 11940], "asr": "I think that we're living in a time right now, which first of all, we're living in history, which we're always living in history, but this is like a poignant moment in history. And for me, I'm always really,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 11940, 12324], "asr": "scared of what comes next. What comes next? What are we gonna do? How are we gonna fix it? Like I'm always thinking of those questions and right now I have to be okay with not having", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 15501, 15885], "asr": "I'd probably take you to California. My all of my mom's family lives there. I'm really close with all of them. It's like all of my cousins.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 16007, 16391], "asr": "And I think that I feel most like myself when I'm with them. And they're kind of this just really big welcoming group of people. And we love bringing in new people.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 16391, 16775], "asr": "people all the time. So I've kind of seen that like our family grow significantly when they've gotten like significant others or they've gotten married or had kids and everything like that and kind of welcoming them into this new place.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 17687, 18071], "asr": "really good eyebrows. Who knew? We're gonna get a road, we're getting a whole adventure out of a 40-minute conversation. Yeah I wouldn't, I would have never ever ever experienced", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 20436, 20820], "asr": "there are good people everywhere that we can always I think it Mr. Rogers said it but always look for the people that are helping and I think that you helped me and you are a good person which means", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 20954, 21338], "asr": "you. Thank you. It's, yeah, I'm just want you to know that if you ever feel lost or lonely, if we were to never meet again, I would say, there are people that are around me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 1669, 2053], "asr": "And you went in, looked around, saw the girl from across the bar and felt like it wasn't really, she wasn't really for you. So then you decide to escape. You come back. You're like, oh, I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 16647, 17031], "asr": "I have a couple. I hope that we live somewhere else for a while, where you get to let your Disney character really fly free. Maybe have a", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 17031, 17415], "asr": "farm or just see you thrive in a non-city setting. And I don't know, kids is always tough.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 20384, 20768], "asr": "Mine is I'm just such a chronic doubter and I lack confidence in so many ways. I'm just not confident in my choices and decisions and I just, you're like,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 9480, 9864], "asr": "moment when I feel sexy around you, which is when I'm in hijab because I didn't used to feel confident in that at all but", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 13852, 14236], "asr": "and energy away from us that we could have spent getting to know each other and developing the relationship. And I think we got really lucky when we did get married and everyone started to back off. We suddenly had like room to breathe.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 5747, 6131], "asr": "I don't know, I feel like we were at a really good state before all of this happened. I mean, I don't know, we've been together for so long. But it hasn't gone right.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 6816, 7200], "asr": "ever like for the entire five years. Yeah. And it was getting so good. And I know it's not like we have to pause everything or wait till everything's over. I know it's nothing like that. It's too.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 7200, 7584], "asr": "adapt, but then it's just, it's just hard not to think about if, you know, everything was okay, then maybe we'd be even better. I don't know. But.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 8632, 9016], "asr": "that I'm trying to discover myself. I mean, I'm afraid of telling you that. And, you know, we've been together for", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 9590, 9974], "asr": "a lot of your plans and a lot of your whatever's involves me. I'm always there. Every aspect of your life you say, oh, you're here or oh, I didn't forget about you. But this is like a part of me that I'm.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 13560, 13944], "asr": "No, I just, I feel like you have everything you need. And. I mean, that will make you feel nicer. That's like in the future, because obviously you'll have more by then.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 15280, 15664], "asr": "I was so vulnerable that night. I was thinking to myself, yeah, we could have it so much worse. Our situation can be so much worse. But I felt like it was.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 15664, 16048], "asr": "almost unfair because again, like we've been together for so long and things only started working out recently. Yeah. Working out like real good recently.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 20392, 20776], "asr": "I think it's a good time for us individually. And then we have moments together, which are fun. And then when we see each other, we have like, when we see each other again, we're like these two.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 2200, 2584], "asr": "No, it's fine. So if you were to search my name on the internet, the first thing that would come up is some of the work that I've done. And it all is rooted back to my source of trauma, which is the fact that when I was a young teen,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 2915, 3299], "asr": "And I ended up really using that as a springboard for my own work as, you know, someone fighting injustice. And I ended up starting an organization that combats racism.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 3996, 4380], "asr": "me before anything because it kind of explains why I do what I do, why I say what I say, and how I feel what I feel. I think that's why I wanted to be here today because I wanted to practice vulnerability in a way that was safe and comfortable and not...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 9140, 9524], "asr": "It's impossible not to lie to yourself sometimes, I feel like, because we are just naturally like fixers and we want to make sure that things aren't as bad as they may appear, but in doing so we can't come to terms with things that we might need to fix.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 10071, 10455], "asr": "Oh great. I am guessing that they mean physicality but I'm not going to take it that way. I feel like one of your soft spots is clearly praise.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 10455, 10839], "asr": "and affirmations. And so telling you that you're doing well and that you're comfortable and that you're safe is probably something that means a lot to you. Not that that would necessarily seduce you, but it would probably make you feel better and I feel like you have", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 11005, 11389], "asr": "maybe, you know, hold your hand, watch some poetry videos. So we were both feeling the vibe. Don't know what that means. But just do.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 17092, 17476], "asr": "Okay, yeah. I'll answer all the questions. I think similar to the last question, my ex would probably warn you that I have mental health issues. I don't think anyone should ever take a mental health issue as something to warn someone.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 17476, 17860], "asr": "went about but I think my ex would have done that. My ex told me when we were breaking up that I was too broken to be fixed and I think that they felt like it was their responsibility to fix me and that responsibility that they felt was so burdensome to them that they", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 17860, 18244], "asr": "I couldn't function in the relationship anymore. So I acknowledge to be transparent that I have issues that I am constantly working on and I am not a fully fleshed out person yet. But I'm...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 18244, 18628], "asr": "Trying so hard every day to do what I have to do It's like every day is a challenge for me and I also want to prove them wrong that I'm not too broken to be fixed I'm not broken in any way. I am like whole as I am", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 19939, 20323], "asr": "Yeah, well I love affirmations, as do you. So I'm also proud of you for recognizing that no matter what you give, it's not too much for someone. It's their fault and not yours, because that's just completely true. I wouldn't ever think anything otherwise.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 20716, 21100], "asr": "terrible. No, me too. Because it's very memorable. It was the first thing I noticed about you and I hope it's the last thing I remember. And then just how open you are and how I think forgiving you are to", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 21100, 21484], "asr": "yourself. I think that that's something that I'd like to take with me and learn from you that you seem like you're completely aware of what you have to offer and if someone doesn't want to take that then that's completely okay with you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 3482, 3866], "asr": "I don't think that you're gonna understand. I mean like I've I really have tried to explain it to you like as best as I can And like even on my end I've Put like a", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 4048, 4432], "asr": "Yeah, but I just don't... I think you're just too far into the process and too comfortable. You know, like you've developed a better relationship with food. And so we're just...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 8595, 8979], "asr": "as patient as possible. But it does bother me like the way you speak about yourself because you would never speak like that to anyone else. Like never. And so it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 16157, 16541], "asr": "That's not, there's nothing wrong with that. You know, I'm not confusing any kind of insecurities. I'm not trying to project that onto you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 21394, 21778], "asr": "I've moved along a lot in my transition, which is great. I think mentally, like, we're miles away from, like, where we were before. We've changed so much as people. It's kind of weird.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 1096, 1480], "asr": "I think back to that day, it's hard to believe that y'all lived that close to us. You would think that we would have seen y'all in one of the neighborhood stores somewhere, but y'all have been around here for five years. We never saw it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 3769, 4153], "asr": "That was definitely one of the most memorable moments in our life. And then, of course, seeing you released from prison after 40 years.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 10771, 11155], "asr": "and each of us doing such a long sentence. And they may feel that it's a natural thing to stray, to go somewhere else, to look somewhere else.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 11155, 11539], "asr": "You know, but to me that's like saying Well, I would betray my brother Because I'm in prison You know, so it'd be the same thing about Your spouse, you know, why would you think?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 13637, 14021], "asr": "sisters who have challenges, you know, half my family's gone now since we've been in prison. Sometimes the restrictions we have about travel, you know, whenever", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 14021, 14405], "asr": "We get the chance. We have them over for dinner. We go down to their house. You know, I appreciate it when I want to spend more time with them. And maybe you had plans of your own.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 20400, 20784], "asr": "referenced a couple questions ago, you know, when there's no interference and there's no, you know, but that's, you know, those moments of interference.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 3697, 4081], "asr": "We were very playful but also fought a bit as kids. Whatever I did, you did, and whatever you did, I did. So whether that was me playing with dolls because you did, or you playing with Thomas Tankin and trains because I did. Then as we got a little older, it felt like you...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 8088, 8472], "asr": "I think one way in which we're similar that you don't realize as much is that we both let anxieties control our lives, anxieties and fears. And for you it's much more apparent because you have very visible anxiety that's like, I can't do it, I can't do it, what am I going to do?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 8472, 8856], "asr": "Whereas for me it's much more subtle and I may not talk about it or say anything. But like for example the college submitting the test scores thing. That was like when I realized that I had missed a deadline inside I freaked out and I was super happy.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 8856, 9240], "asr": "just like, oh my god, what is mom gonna say? What are you gonna say? Am I gonna not get into colleges? I just shouldn't say anything and I just won't get into those schools, it's fine. And if she won't find out. But then when I told you, you told her anyway. And then she was mad at me for not asking her for help. Not the fact that I messed up at the time.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 9240, 9624], "asr": "the fact that I didn't ask for help. And I still live that way a lot of the times. Like my laziness with a lot of things where I put things off to the last minute, that's a lot of times because I'm scared of failing and I'm scared of doing a bad job or messing up. And that dictates a lot of the way that I live, even though I'm not.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 9624, 10008], "asr": "though it doesn't appear to be fear-based or anxiety-based. And it scares me a little bit because you struggle a lot with anxiety. Like, I can clearly see it is very debilitating for you, and it has been for your whole life. And so for me...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 20446, 20830], "asr": "Obviously part of it is the way we grew up together. Having gone through so much of the similar things, growing up with our parents, the way that they loved us, the way that they weren't able to love us. Going through your eating disorder together.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 20830, 21214], "asr": "Obviously, it's not the same for each of us because I didn't have it, but both of us having to be so emotionally open. I remember one time when we were literally just crying our eyes out next to each other and you had snot all over you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 21214, 21598], "asr": "over your shirt and I had it on mine and we hugged each other. Knowing that I give you that kind of care and love and I did all that for you and knowing that you would do all of that and more in a heartbeat for me if I ever needed it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Mr1dUHPpXs4", 11806, 12190], "asr": "Yeah, I don't know. I mean, like everyone has shit that they go through growing up. And we were both there for the same shit. And I know how that's like impacted me. And we've talked about this a million times.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Mr1dUHPpXs4", 19437, 19821], "asr": "Yeah, and I think that was like directly tied to like how hard you took. It was like you were punishing yourself kind of like emotionally. You were so stressed out about that breakup, you know, the fact that you had to let somebody go.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 5336, 5720], "asr": "I know, it was hard. I think more because of my background and growing up and being from a such religious background, that's why it made it harder. But I think the one thing that you changed was that I stopped caring so much for people.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 16178, 16562], "asr": "It can't be two. I have to say it's like it can't be only one thing. I'd say all of our adventures and how much like we grew through them like with every conversation.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 11132, 11516], "asr": "Sometimes you don't feel like you're enough. As much as you keep on saying, my destiny, I know I'm destined for good things, I know I have a future that's not this, it's something bigger, I think oftentimes you think, well, I'm going to be a good person.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 11516, 11900], "asr": "that you're not enough, that you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not like unique enough, you know. And you just keep on going through these waves of rejection and I think sometimes you reject yourself over that and I wish that's definitely something I wish I could heal for you because", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 12994, 13378], "asr": "No, I don't actually feel ugly when people say it. I feel frustrated because I know that's the kind of stuff people kill themselves over every day. And I know if they're saying it to me, they're saying it to other people. And it really upsets me. That's why I respond.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["AwoeZ34MXOw", 9210, 9594], "asr": "And that hi, hello is that way of us extending that hinge, that connection. Okay, what do we lose if our community ceases to?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["AwoeZ34MXOw", 16058, 16442], "asr": "Yeah, because we have consequences in every choice. Yeah. Yes. Oh. In your lifetime, how have you seen your community change for the better?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["AwoeZ34MXOw", 20252, 20636], "asr": "They're the reason why we're here today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're the survivors of the survivors of the survivors of the survivors. And who we are today, we're survivors of being captured.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 10982, 11366], "asr": "We already been through that. Well, recently we been good. I just felt like that was like a problem in our second year. And since then we've been on and off.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 11366, 11750], "asr": "to do our own thing and figure out like actually that's that's enough or we need each other that's it we don't need nobody else so do anything for us so", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 11938, 12322], "asr": "Kind of gross to say, but whatever. But honestly, I'm very confident that he wouldn't, because I really feel like that was our early 20s thing, even though we smack in the middle. But, you know, we get each other.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 13576, 13960], "asr": "Yeah, I feel like you could definitely save more. It's because I got like a stable future. Especially because like, growing up, you know, me, Mommy, and my sister, we had to stretch that $186 in food stamps. So it's...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 19881, 20265], "asr": "Yeah, I always do this. Oh. You grew on me, you know? Because, you know, I just... It's me and Mommy, and... I fell out with my boy best friend.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 20415, 20799], "asr": "real friend is. So I feel like you was consistent in trying to prove to me that you really did like you really care for me. You really there to support me and watch me grow. And that's how my love grew. Once I like realized, Oh my god, he really", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 5644, 6028], "asr": "I guess just overall health. And I don't know why and I, you know, talking with it's like, there isn't, there isn't a specific event or reason, you know, I think it's just my cycle of depression. And unfortunately, I'm in that cycle.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 14863, 15247], "asr": "this because I grew up so differently, like where everything was easy. And you know, like when we talk about your kids and like their relationship with themselves and also like with other children and stuff, we have very different outlooks.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 15247, 15631], "asr": "on it because like my childhood and my upbringing was so, it was incredible. I had such a great childhood and such a great relationship with my friends and I had proximity where I was close to all these people and they were constantly in my lives and...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 15734, 16118], "asr": "Your kids don't have that because of, you know, having to move around after divorce. And that's why I kind of let you lead on most of those things, because I think you have a much, much better idea of what they're going through.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 20133, 20517], "asr": "Sorry, you're making me cry. You're just, you deserve compassion. You deserve love unconditionally. And all the things that you carry with you from...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 5933, 6317], "asr": "I don't know, I feel more connected to myself from being with you. You don't let me hide. That was my whole thing. Whenever conflict or anything would come up, I would hide, not deal with it. And you don't, literally don't allow that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 6591, 6975], "asr": "You've made me more, been able to connect with you and connect with other people and now I understand how people connect. Being perfect is not the way they connect with somebody. It's being real and conflict and.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 10455, 10839], "asr": "is when I really, really, really fall in love with you. And when I'm sitting there, I can feel it. And I know I can do a better job, though.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 19520, 19904], "asr": "woman, like literally like nobody else I've ever met. And I feel extraordinarily lucky and fortunate to be with you and have found you. You're beautiful, you're strong.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 2924, 3308], "asr": "I cried a lot. I remember I was really nervous. I mean, I was running around asking doctors and nurses, like, what's the probability of her having cleft lip? I was so nervous because I'm like,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 6535, 6919], "asr": "I wish there was never a doubt of your worth. Never a doubt of how much you're loved. And I know that that's not it. I know that's not, it's not that easy.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 7176, 7560], "asr": "I wish, even fast forward ten years, to where you look back. I hate it whenever I use cliches and stuff.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 7560, 7944], "asr": "I do it way too often. Every now and then on some of the workouts all here and sometimes that actually makes me mad and then I'm like okay I get it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 7944, 8328], "asr": "He'll hop up off the bike, he'll be like, you've made it through all your bad days. I'm like, pardon me, this sarcastic one, well obviously I'm sitting here listening to you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 8328, 8712], "asr": "But there are a lot of people that don't make it through their bad days, right? And I want to always be able to say in my head, I wouldn't want it to create overwhelming disappointment.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 12277, 12661], "asr": "Whatever. I only know that You were such a savior by being born for me", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 14158, 14542], "asr": "What do you need to hear? Basically the truth. Because I'm pretty sure you can handle the truth more so than to be lied to because you need to be able, no matter how bad it is or what it is, you need to have", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 1862, 2246], "asr": "Oh my god, I love FaceTime. And then us ending because you know how emotional sensitive I am? And that we've lost Julian. That ending our last words, I love you, every time.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 2246, 2630], "asr": "is just like you understand that I need that and you need it as well. Because we've been, we've had loss and loss and loss and loss like many people have, but I'm just talking about our loss.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 8867, 9251], "asr": "I'm being wrong. I, everything, eat, sleep, and dream. Gullah, is that better? That was some of our inappropriateness, right? Yeah. So all day long, it's like, I got to bring you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 9251, 9635], "asr": "Kind of like in tow, you know, even though you grew up in a Gullah community here, I got to bring you to presentations and here at a Penn Center and all of our family gatherings, so like Penn Center is like this epicenter for us.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 14474, 14858], "asr": "And you are perfect exactly how you are. And I love you in this world and all the worlds to come.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 2060, 2444], "asr": "Our true story? Yeah, the true story. Probably when I lost Judith Foster here. That was truth in itself, you know, in my face, you know.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 2651, 3035], "asr": "Just, you know, sorry you had to go through that because you shouldn't have to. But God is good and I thank him because I was able to get you guys back. You know, I really thought that I had...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 3035, 3419], "asr": "lost you guys for a minute that it didn't seem like I could do anything about it. And I found my inner strength and I found that I could do anything I wanted.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 3797, 4181], "asr": "We have come a long way, very long way. And I thank you for being the daughter that you are. You're forgiving, you're understanding. And I know that everything is going to be okay.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 11184, 11568], "asr": "when you said that you wish it never happened, but in a way it happened for a reason. You guys prayers brought me off those streets and just...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 12174, 12558], "asr": "You guys were strong too. No, it wasn't easy on you. It wasn't easy on me. But when I got to that program, if they would have told me to take a toothbrush and get in the corner and just scrub it until it became clean, I would do that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 15627, 16011], "asr": "But I don't really, I don't fear dying. I don't fear anyone, so I don't know if I have a fear. What is your greatest fear?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["QPr36vqA_yM", 9737, 10121], "asr": "Yeah. When do you feel people judge us and why do you think they do? I mean we're gay in Mississippi. So there's that. I mean that's a lot of judgment. I mean Mississippi is probably.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["QPr36vqA_yM", 13884, 14268], "asr": "to protect others and my peers and like the people around me and just like because like we are advocates for like LGBT like rights and like equality and stuff like you know the trans community and like the black trans community and then just", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["QPr36vqA_yM", 18632, 19016], "asr": "Sometimes like it feels like honoring that like you consistently choose me, you know, like not in a way of like that, you know, you're above me, like choosing me, you know, it's just like, you know, there is.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 8575, 8959], "asr": "My expectations, you know, being hard on ourselves, which is all, they're all aspects of, can be aspects of anxiety. So I think those are certainly traits that I see in you that I have.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 9463, 9847], "asr": "I don't, and it wasn't like we were raised with a whole lot of pressure to, but there, I mean there was an expectation. Yes, exactly. It's not like, it's not, you know. Right. I mean there were explanations, there had to be explanations, like if I got a not great grade.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 13210, 13594], "asr": "That's really insightful, I think, because I think that's something I struggle with a lot. Yeah, it's dealing with like the sort of, there's like an amount of shame about having a child that struggles that much, especially, you know,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 13594, 13978], "asr": "Just because a lot of his behaviors, as you said, they're like not socially acceptable. So if he's having a meltdown and we're somewhere, it's like I can, you know, I just feel like people might think like, oh, she's, you know, she's too indulgent.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 13978, 14362], "asr": "like she doesn't set rules like she you know and that it reflects on me badly as a parent and I think most people feel that way like whenever we're somewhere and your toddler has a tantrum or something but once the kid is like seven years old", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 14565, 14949], "asr": "And I feel, and I think it's my go-to is to sort of beat myself up about like to just sort of find, my husband always says like you, you know, you always try to like blame yourself as if there's something. You could have done, you know, the", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 16438, 16822], "asr": "Why do I love you? I mean, I think for all the things that we've said today, that you're just this, you're very warm, loving, caring person who really is in love with you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 16822, 17206], "asr": "interested in people like some people are like, how are you? Or some people don't even ask you anything about yourself. Especially when, you know, someone like me is like not, you know, it's not like I'm doing anything that's like, I mean, you're like,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 17791, 18175], "asr": "and people and genuinely interested in individuals and willing to, you know, like you get down on the floor and you play with the kids. Like when you come into the house, it's like you want to figure out how to be helpful. Like you recognize the like chaos that is my life.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["lLrPmgnL1AY", 14099, 14483], "asr": "I feel like that's a huge part of our relationship right now and it has been for the past year and a half. Talk about it all the time. Not so much now, I think. I feel like there's a little more closure.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["lLrPmgnL1AY", 18581, 18965], "asr": "And I just think that once we have a kid like your world is just going to be so much better. I think you're going to be less, I don't think you're going to.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 1401, 1785], "asr": "Yeah, so the most ridiculous thing is like us both shooting our shot or me encouraging you to shoot your shot and then also me shooting my shot. And I'm just like, why, why am I doing this? I can say my birthday, you show.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 6188, 6572], "asr": "Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because you know what you're saying? Why are we on vacation? I wanna sleep, Makisha. Oh my God. 150? Oh my God. They better have some goals to play on. And then you went, you had the...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 11783, 12167], "asr": "Definitely worrying about childbearing. Gotcha. You know, I don't like talking about it either. When people are always being rude and asking about when you're going to have a kid, they did you not?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 18576, 18960], "asr": "I think outside of me loving you unconditionally and that I do and that I always will, regardless of our relationship status, I hope that it stays forever.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 18960, 19344], "asr": "If this were our actual last conversation, I guess what I would want you to know more than anything is that moving forward in life, I just, I need you to know that you're worth it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 19344, 19728], "asr": "You're worth someone's love. Sorry, you're making me cry. You're just, you deserve compassion, you deserve love.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 19728, 20112], "asr": "unconditionally. And all the things that you carry with you from when you were younger. I know they can't be let go but you're worth it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 7708, 8092], "asr": "I do worry about you being a black woman in America right now. I know it's not just America, the UK has everywhere, it's bad racism. I know it is. But I think because I just keep seeing everything", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 8092, 8476], "asr": "on Instagram and on the internet that just like videos all the time you hear about different people all the time and I know it's not new I like I've known about this for years it's been happening for years it's not anything new but I just like I worry about you because I can't see you every day", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 11641, 12025], "asr": "I think that's easy, our wedding day, our wedding night. Yeah, because I just, I think we've, it felt like even though we were on the other side of the world,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 12025, 12409], "asr": "world was 6,700 miles, 6,700, 6,400. You want me to be that way, so 6,400. Right? Even though we were 6,400 miles apart, I felt like you were in the same room. You know, and I was.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 12409, 12793], "asr": "so upset. I was like, I don't want to get married on Zoom. Like I'm not gonna have my wedding experience. You know, I'm over here being the woman that's probably really sexist, but I'm being the more like, I'm being the", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 12793, 13177], "asr": "the sensitive one, like I want to have my wedding, I want to walk down the aisle, I want to feel all the feelings, I want to feel everything, I'm not gonna have my moment, and then I'm over here boohooing like boo boo the fool.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 13260, 13644], "asr": "It really was and I felt like we were right there, you know, and you know, I had her on my big old TV screen. So it was awesome. But I felt really connected that night. And for a brief moment, it felt like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 17224, 17608], "asr": "Yeah, but you know, I think we can find some way like, well, during this quarantine, mostly it was for me, it was mostly it was the work that was,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 17608, 17992], "asr": "stopping me from like from fighting the waves like we can see each other so like I guess maybe it was like confidence at one point but on the other point", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 17992, 18376], "asr": "it was just like I could get the feeling that it's like it's very hard to to make it now like I don't see any chance like or something like this so", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vuVnAiKATPw", 2114, 2498], "asr": "And I also learn so much from you, from the parts that are different from me. So it's almost like looking in a fun house mirror. It's like I recognize myself, but different.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Gb-eci1iTsY", 1207, 1591], "asr": "weird. We know that it's weird. And letting you in and putting that aside, something that I'm very serious about, which is not sleeping in the same bed as somebody, I think is when I feel closest to you. And also just like,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Gb-eci1iTsY", 5827, 6211], "asr": "I've run away from affection and physical contact and you run towards it and because in person that's probably what comes across to our friends they probably see that and then think that there's", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Gb-eci1iTsY", 8672, 9056], "asr": "because I come from a traditional Muslim family. They're very strict and I don't know I think that my traditional upbringing doesn't actually", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Gb-eci1iTsY", 11650, 12034], "asr": "crazy and I know that it seems like really little things. Me getting out of the house was really little. It was very small things that I wanted to be able to do with freedom that I wasn't able to and then you gave up to me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Gb-eci1iTsY", 15533, 15917], "asr": "You are incredibly talented and that's something that I think I want to see you focus more on yourself because you're giving to people that aren't loving you back the way that you should be and I'm going to stand by you and tell you to keep giving.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 2163, 2547], "asr": "Well, I feel like we've made more breakthroughs in communication this year. I don't know, I guess it's surprising that you have that emotional capacity that we're able to do.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 2547, 2931], "asr": "to communicate, you know, and get through all these difficult kind of emotional things just by like, we just have a conversation and it kind of moves on from there pretty, pretty easily, pretty fluidly. And that's kind of surprising because my past relationships haven't really", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 2931, 3315], "asr": "they've been like, you know what I mean? Like it's been more like, oh, like people don't want to talk, even when I want to talk, which is like, like, yeah, it's like me. I don't really want to talk that much, but like when I, I'm like, can we please talk? Can people?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 7815, 8199], "asr": "Yeah, so that's definitely like, I feel like on me, because like, you know, it's something I struggle with, like with student loan debt and all that kind of thing. So I feel like a lot of my time is preoccupied with, you know, like side hustles and.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 18401, 18785], "asr": "I would tell you that no one's opinion fucking matters. And that you're, you can do anything right now. Because you always say that. You always feel like, you feel like you're the, yeah.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 1415, 1799], "asr": "I mean that would be the... I'm right, I'd introduce myself. Um, God there's... That's a hard question, like, and that, you know, we have a beautiful son, um, that I love you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 2537, 2921], "asr": "I totally will keep it from you unless you know about it when you first find out about it when I do, I can't control it, but I will not let you know about a problem until I have taken it in, got my head around it, and have a resolved plan.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 6191, 6575], "asr": "It hasn't been always roses and I put you through a lot of crap in the early years and you obviously saw through all that and you saw who I was in my heart truly and that what I was doing wasn't intentional even though at that moment you're a", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 9054, 9438], "asr": "on me. You would flip beyond. Where and how we how I'm different. I internalize, I do not involve you in my anxiety at all unless it's something so great I have no choice.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 18910, 19294], "asr": "you know I regret it and if I could change it I would. I get mad at myself looking I I've told you so many times that like I get so mad at myself for doing", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 19294, 19678], "asr": "certain things and how selfish I could like I want to smack myself like because I'm not that person and it's like It's frustrating to me, but just know that for a very very long time Way more than where I was selfish", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 1939, 2323], "asr": "Can I let you in on a secret? I'm glad no one can take this pain away from me because this pain that I have, that I go through, gives me the courage to go out there and talk and make people aware of what's going on. So I'm gonna wait.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 3009, 3393], "asr": "Well, your dad, when I first met your dad, he told me that he had two kids and I knew your names and your birthdays before I even met you, even before I even got to see a picture of you. And because of me, because of you, because of you, because of you, because of you, because", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 3633, 4017], "asr": "two girls up to be adopted and let my son go back to California to his dad. And, you know, at first I felt bad that I was betraying them because I was a woman.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 4017, 4401], "asr": "I was loving you guys, but I wanted to make it work. And that's when I looked at him and I said, you know what, I'm gonna like your mom because it makes it a lot easier.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 5456, 5840], "asr": "Everyone think I don't like your mom. I love your mom, I do. And I want to make sure you guys have a good childhood, you know? And you guys didn't need to be stressed out because first of all, your mom and your dad were separated. Now here comes this other woman.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 15043, 15427], "asr": "Oh, that makes us family. I don't know how to put it in words. You just are, you know. And not only that, because you're a man,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 16304, 16688], "asr": "I don't want to make you emotional or anything. But when you started noticing boys, boys noticing you as you were growing up, I did not ever...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 16688, 17072], "asr": "I never planned on telling anybody that I was trafficked. But then I started reading and I'm looking in the social media and you were actually the first person.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 17072, 17456], "asr": "That hurt my whole story. Your dad didn't even know the whole story. For me to sit down and talk to you and tell you everything, you know, I didn't hide anything. I wanted you to be aware of everything.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 17456, 17840], "asr": "because I was able to do that with you and sit down and make you aware. You're part of the reason why I went out there and started talking. Because I look at you and I'm like, someone else's child could benefit from that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 18538, 18922], "asr": "So thank you for letting me be in your life and for you to listen to what I tell you. You know, I always thought maybe you would pipe and say, well, I'm not listening to you because you're not my mom. Not once did you ever say that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 3229, 3613], "asr": "like eight months. And so I sort of felt comfortable like, oh, we're back on track. Yeah, yeah. And then I remember being so stressed out that whole week, like it was midterms, and I was in classes. And I never felt like I was in class.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 3613, 3997], "asr": "I felt like the weight of being an only child really before or not having any other family members. But when I had to deal with all the hospital stuff, like, oh, do you think your mom's gonna kill herself? I don't fucking know.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 3997, 4381], "asr": "Like ask her and we were talking on the phone and you're like get me out of here like the loony bin Yeah, I was like I I'm trying yeah and to have like 60 year old doctors like looking to me for guidance Yeah, I was disappointed I think", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 4985, 5369], "asr": "And I remember calling you because I was in Philly for that festival, remember? Oh yeah. And I called you and I could tell, you know, I could tell when stuff is off on the phone and you just started crying and you were like, I can't do this and it was...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 5369, 5753], "asr": "It was so vulnerable and I appreciated it because I would rather have you call me and say like, oh my god, I want to drink right now or I can't do this right now or I'm getting overwhelmed right now than like radio silence and five days later, like it's I want to kill myself.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 9149, 9533], "asr": "and not feeling supported by your family. And I always feel like, and I know I talked to you a lot about this and it's sort of like a broad concept, but I think it's really important.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 9533, 9917], "asr": "really incredible that you could sort of create the life that you didn't have when you were younger. Like you created me and I became what you needed when you were a kid that you never had. And so I always hope", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 12644, 13028], "asr": "and you're in a fucking bathroom and you're just so overwhelmed with shame and embarrassment and you're taking care of a 50 year old and everyone in the room is pitying you because your parents drunk at the party or you can't pay the fucking taxi cab.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 16849, 17233], "asr": "I think about the things that you've encountered. I really can't imagine raising a child alone. Like that also scares me. I think that's part of it. Because I can't imagine someone", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 18690, 19074], "asr": "Exactly the first thing that came to mind when we were walking down the street today, and there's a car, there's literally an oil truck, what is it, no a cement truck barreling down the street and you're like fuck you I'm not going to move. I think so who? I think you own your space as a woman.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 1213, 1597], "asr": "Yeah. I can subscribe to that. Yeah. I guess that more than anything, I feel like I would tell them to be sensitive to a lot.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 9538, 9922], "asr": "It's probably gonna kill me. My biggest regret is just investing so much time. You know? Like it was seven years. It was like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 10799, 11183], "asr": "I've been saying just like shit that she's like saw on my phone and like email stuff like that, you know and like just seeing her like how she would just like break down and just cry and just like it was like knowing that I", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 11183, 11567], "asr": "did that to someone was hard. Only because I was the typical nice guy finished last story. I was nice, and I would date these terrible people, and it got my heart broken. And I knew what that felt like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 18936, 19320], "asr": "assume that what you do and like sort of like pit like this expectation it's like I love like you know that's totally not you at all whereas there's a lot of girls who might be like that whereas you're definitely intelligent that is very attractive and it's ridiculously", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["AnJC_bduosQ", 11248, 11632], "asr": "I feel like there's a lot that always goes through your head and like a lot that happens, you know, like to you constantly. And I just want to take all of the dark shit out of you and just like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["AnJC_bduosQ", 15044, 15428], "asr": "and same thing in college, everyone is always like, yes Lex, yes Lex. You know what I mean? I don't know, everyone is always asking you to do things for their art or for their shows and I don't know, everyone just loves you. I don't know if you see that but they really do. Like truly.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["AnJC_bduosQ", 19200, 19584], "asr": "parking lot and I was breaking down crying like life is so hard, college is hard, the people here suck, you know like whatever and then I was just like and you were like you are doing the best you can do in this very moment.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 16722, 17106], "asr": "and it's a manifestation and it's formless so you know love is very undescribable. I think it's the biggest hustle in the dictionary because it's very undescribable. It shouldn't even be in the dictionary because I don't think you can put a definition to that feeling because it's not the same thing.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 17106, 17490], "asr": "any person for me how do I love you just unconditionally just as you've loved me unconditionally you've answered every phone call sent every money order that to me like you you're the most beautiful as woman I know", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 17490, 17874], "asr": "know. And even when I interact, it's like the person I bring home to meet you has to be, you know, I have to know that this is the woman that I'm going to sit before you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 17874, 18258], "asr": "You made me a better judge of character. I'm learning that now more so than ever. Even my friends tell me, you know, just take time out to acknowledge what the seen and the unseen. So for me I think...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 18258, 18642], "asr": "It's that I love you and you've instilled everything for me to be successful and I don't gain success, I don't measure success by monetary. Success is a matter of...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 10335, 10719], "asr": "My biggest fear regarding the wedding is the same fear that I have with our whole relationship. The aforementioned, am I going to screw something up? What am I going to do that's going to screw this up? Or what outside thing will happen? Like what, you know, unknown.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 10810, 11194], "asr": "that's ever going to happen there's no reality of that but that's where my head goes like what if I trip and fall and then your dress is ruined or you know. I don't have any stress whatsoever about the actual marriage. What do the next two years look like?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 15518, 15902], "asr": "You said you were going to work on it, but you also set it up to say like, I'm going to try this, but because one thing I know about you is that you don't like to be bored, you don't like to feel like you're waiting for something to happen, you don't want to waste your time.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 15902, 16286], "asr": "Everything has to be in your calendar. And there were definitely days where it was like a Tuesday in, I don't know, Vienna, where we would wake up and have no idea what we were gonna do. And I mean, that's...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 16286, 16670], "asr": "My life, like I love that. Because who knows, the thing is we could do anything. Or we could just have a sandwich and do nothing. I think when we were together for a while and it was looking like we were going to get married and then once we got married, I think people were just", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 7135, 7519], "asr": "I don't think that judgment is always negative. Just because someone's judging us doesn't mean that's a bad thing. But I think you probably feel a certain way about seeing all your friends getting married, engaged, having kids.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 13018, 13402], "asr": "to get closer to each other emotionally and mentally because we're, there's two different states.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 15435, 15819], "asr": "So if it wasn't something that you wanted, then I would be okay never getting married again and never having another child.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 2347, 2731], "asr": "I always vividly see after we took the blindfold off, seeing you and the questions. But then like when we left the building, that's when we shared our first kiss.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 18694, 19078], "asr": "where I'm like, damn, this is it, this is it. So like, us just hanging out, doing something casual with you that's elevated even more. Have my person with me, you know what I mean?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 19088, 19472], "asr": "Like your love feels very content and we still have like a ways to go with it to where we haven't even seen what we're like together alone. I mean yeah like oh it's a call.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["za7l1iuO4wg", 2411, 2795], "asr": "I feel like when we're by ourselves, or like there's a moment when we're by ourselves, even like at a party or like hanging with people, like something as stupid as like we're just like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["za7l1iuO4wg", 2795, 3179], "asr": "by where all the snacks are and just eating and then regresses back to when we were kids. That very pure moment of just being ourselves with each other.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["za7l1iuO4wg", 7860, 8244], "asr": "Because nobody deserves that, especially not my best friend. And I feel horrible that like I don't remember it when it happened or like you even telling me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["za7l1iuO4wg", 17719, 18103], "asr": "I just feel like I'm not doing the right thing when it comes to being the right support or saying the right things or doing the correct things. Like I'm not hitting the right spots that you need, you know? And that's what I worry about the most because I feel like...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UnQEcquyAYI", 1891, 2275], "asr": "You stopped crying, you were able to relax. So that one I do remember. If you could change one thing about the way we were raised, what would it be in one way?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UnQEcquyAYI", 18703, 19087], "asr": "I mean, they can be. These things can be in dangerous situations or dangerous people around. But yeah, I just love you because you kind of model that behavior.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["e93H9FRm8Mw", 4168, 4552], "asr": "we've had a bad habit of cutting people cold, smooth off, and we do it the same. Like, it's almost like it'd just be like, I don't know who you are, you don't exist to me anymore. And I've learned sometimes, yeah, we're easy to cut people off, and I would say we're very similar with that too.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["e93H9FRm8Mw", 7095, 7479], "asr": "rough or they just haven't figured out how to get it together yet you notice like usually with those type of people I'm usually more chill more like I'm not saying that you aren't but I just understand a little bit more of what they're going through of like drug abuse you know like you've never", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["e93H9FRm8Mw", 16582, 16966], "asr": "If this was our last conversation, I would want you to know if there was anything in life that I ever went wrong with you, it was never intentional. You know, it was just me going through the motions. Because I think sometimes people just brush things aside and then try to move over it. And I know that's in our nature too.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 935, 1319], "asr": "it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 2196, 2580], "asr": "for Thanksgiving. I was like, maybe end of October, beginning of November. We were listening to music and if anybody knows me I listen to some strange shit. Like off the wall, not running the mill type of music.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 2580, 2964], "asr": "And when you were playing your playlist, and it was like literally song after song after song, I was just like, yo, I like this. Like, how do you know about this? Like, what? So I'm just like, yo, this is pretty fucking dope. It was like, I was on the phone with my friend.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 5275, 5659], "asr": "more. So I guess with that, with you, you know, putting your walls down, all that comes change. Like it's, I'm seeing different parts of you. And you're more perceptive to the fact that you're not in a relationship by yourself and you're with someone who actually cares.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 17844, 18228], "asr": "would do anything to the church because you know I trust you but it's just like I don't want to have to sit there and worry about them like but I'm at work she's at home and I know she was on like a thousand this morning", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 2580, 2964], "asr": "It's funny at times though, sometimes you say some stupid stuff and then you just, fuck, some funny stuff and then you say that and then the next day you're doing some crazy thing that no one's ever done before.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 3270, 3654], "asr": "You know like taking everything to you know taking all the responsibilities and doing everything and then that's something I would say you're changing You know like it's all you change every day, but you change like within the with whatever situation There's you can change and then you can", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 4781, 5165], "asr": "Each head boy is different to one another and you're a different head boy, you know? And you're your own head boy to Cashmere High School and there's no way I'm going to say you're a bad head boy. I think any head boy is a bad head boy.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 12896, 13280], "asr": "Obviously something that has never happened here in New Zealand, but in Sri Lanka, like I've heard stories like this and like experienced stuff like that, but moving to a city, moving to a country like this and not really expecting something like that to happen.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 13330, 13714], "asr": "when all my mates are here and my family. So I was like, there's no way I'm leaving here because of just one thing that has happened here. Because New Zealand's been through a lot, Christchurch's been through a lot, with earthquakes and all that. But my relationship would never change because of something else.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 16063, 16447], "asr": "because it was shocking, like there was a street that we walked in, you know, like Hagley Park, right in front of Hagley Park, you know, the little place, the stuff I did.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 16447, 16831], "asr": "that to happen in places where we've had memories and you know like gone past you know we never knew it was there like some people didn't even know it was there like you know but like it brought a lot of people together it brought people that you've never talked to", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 16831, 17215], "asr": "together, people that you've seen around together, it helped in a way, but not in, you know what I mean? But it helped bring people and show people what others are capable of.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 1308, 1692], "asr": "that I had just moved to Thailand. And so I had met up with an individual and now with a mutual friend of ours, but I met up with an individual and I was like, hey, I'm trying to meet black people.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 9178, 9562], "asr": "what we have built, the foundation that we have. Like it really wouldn't bother me if you are flirting with someone because I know that it's a completely different connection and I don't think I should compare it because what we have is", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 12938, 13322], "asr": "and being around 90% of the time African Americans or just Americans, I don't always identify as a colored. I used to first just identify as mixed race and then now I've realized that I'm not.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 17671, 18055], "asr": "I will always love you and support you. So as long as you continue to grow and just put into yourself, then I'm sure you will do.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 988, 1372], "asr": "I'll go first. The studio, Dancing to Spice Girls in the 90s. Breakdown. For sure.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 10754, 11138], "asr": "And I guess like the guidance counselor called like heard about it and then they brought me in to ask me questions and he got arrested and they asked me if anything happened to me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 11500, 11884], "asr": "I got fifth disease, which is like hives all over your body because of the stress. So I kept that pretty internal for a very long time until seven years of", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 11884, 12268], "asr": "therapy like finally made it okay to talk about it and not cry. And it's you always think well if it was something I did or what I say or was I too pretty or why?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 15187, 15571], "asr": "A part of me wishes that I wish I was honest with my ex.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 15571, 15955], "asr": "about what I was feeling and going through, but I feel like I was and he just wasn't listening. That's why I left. Because I had to do something really drastic for him to like understand me. But I also don't live in like a house of regret.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 4612, 4996], "asr": "polar opposite, that you're a theater major, that I pretty much emphasize all of your achievements, that you went so far as to working at FIU and the place that you're at now, that I pretty much", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 4996, 5380], "asr": "anything that is going on in your life at that moment, you're the topic because it's so much easier to talk about something that I know and that I'm proud of rather than just making chit chat and small talk about things that I don't really care about.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 8393, 8777], "asr": "It wasn't really, she just made sure to say that he's not here and I'm here and he knows where you are but he's not making the effort. So I took it as it is, it was literally black and white.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 10345, 10729], "asr": "I tried and the thing was that it was more of a drama show and I felt that I was trying to more take care of her because she was in one of my classes and she was pregnant at the time and pretty much the teacher would be picky on her or whatever.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 10729, 11113], "asr": "It was just a total nightmare. It was everything that you could imagine that someone with no class would bring to school.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 14838, 15222], "asr": "I can't really think of anything. I mean, I was going to say your relationship with your dad, but you're still actively seeing your dad. But more that you should see him a little bit more often so he doesn't have to call you and pretty much guilt trip you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 15222, 15606], "asr": "you into coming in. If I was to fix one thing, it's more that I don't feel that your dad has the right to call you and pretty much guilt trip you into making you come in rather than inviting you to a place.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 15606, 15990], "asr": "Because it's two very different things. I mean, when he puts your brother and sister on the phone, he's purposely doing that to bring you closer. And it's more the thing that, and your dad or sister.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 4502, 4886], "asr": "what any lady would fight. So had I described her, I think, wow, you know, you're confident. Beautiful.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 13044, 13428], "asr": "I'll never forget it. This four year old was my teacher. I'll never forget this four year old was my guiding light.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 13515, 13899], "asr": "We were too, but that question talked about power. And she had this innocent view on the world from a four-year-old, just to put it simply.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GL4-_sVTlxU", 5504, 5888], "asr": "But you're kind of trying to plow through it, develop a career relationship, try to make some money, try to pay some bills. And if I were in that same position today, I'd probably do it the same way. But that might be something.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vN77UJcjXeo", 86, 470], "asr": "substitute my class and before you came in the class I told all the kids in the class all black, churn, all gullaw at St. Helen Elementary School. My sister gonna be our teacher today. My sister gonna be our teacher today and here come in this white woman.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vN77UJcjXeo", 5871, 6255], "asr": "I shared with you about the social media post when I got the job and a person said they couldn't find an authentic Gullah person, a black, full black person to do this.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vN77UJcjXeo", 6255, 6639], "asr": "job and I felt so like I just wanted to see who this person was. First I said, oh they don't know me. They don't know who I am. And I was about to say Google me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vN77UJcjXeo", 6639, 7023], "asr": "And then I said, I do so much to uplift a culture and I should have never even responded to that post because it was something that was so deep into colorism and that I have to be, you know, dark skinned Gullah.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vN77UJcjXeo", 7742, 8126], "asr": "Well, this person actually spelled it out that, you know, white supremacy and was blaming it on that, that I'm more, that I am more acceptable to the world than a dark person. And I was like, I don't know. I don't know about that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vN77UJcjXeo", 10873, 11257], "asr": "four and a half months pregnant and I wasn't showing and like and then you looked over to she lying in it she lying and I said I'm not lying and we were just really really really serious and then you made me get on the", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 1727, 2111], "asr": "I used to stress a lot when you were younger. When like, if I went too long without seeing you, you know, it would really bother me because you're young, you're little. But I always had a connection, you know, I knew that every time we saw each other.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 6604, 6988], "asr": "and we got together for like I'm not saying the wrong reasons but we were partying like it was 1999 yeah and then once that stopped and faded away we were like and then I messed up too I cheated", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 7134, 7518], "asr": "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, fucked up. But I wanted to fuck up because I was young and I still, I wasn't ready to be like a husband. Yeah. For sure. You know, men take forever to mature anyway. We're like, just.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 7518, 7902], "asr": "dumb when it comes to relationships, a lot of men. Women are way smarter than us and way more mature. So yeah, I mean, I messed it up. But it was.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 8039, 8423], "asr": "Because I was the more wild one and she kind of gave me that opportunity and made me see that, hey, we can be co-parent and raise a good kid. And look at you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 11003, 11387], "asr": "When was the last time you felt vulnerable with me and what did you learn about yourself through it? It's hard. I think that the times that I felt vulnerable are the times that, like, I was vulnerable.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 14355, 14739], "asr": "right, a closed mouth don't get fed is what they say. I think with you too, like I don't know, you're not judgmental to others, so you have that demeanor of like you're chill, you're accepting of a lot.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 14739, 15123], "asr": "You let people be I think that you kind of dodge that bullet and I don't think you do it because you're trying to avoid People just like that's how you are. So you'll be you and that's cool. I wish I could be like that So I can avoid a lot of things but I just feel like I have a", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 15662, 16046], "asr": "Yeah, I mean, pretty much you applying yourself to the point where, again, bringing up school, you know, getting into that hard school, like, in all the things that you're involved in, like, I'm like, man, like, I don't do that much, you know.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 16046, 16430], "asr": "You know what I mean? And it's made me like almost like mature. Because you're mature. I'm like I can't be, you know, what I was 10 years ago, you know, just acting out and being ridiculous. I think that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 18538, 18922], "asr": "I love you to death. Like, there's no doubt about that. And that I'm, you know, always proud of you. Always, always, always, always. Like I don't have, I want to pick something to get pissed off at you and I don't have one other than the six feet bowl.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["wkoDTA_hLIE", 7039, 7423], "asr": "know, some of my tax money and I'm like, but that's not going to last me very long. You know what I'm saying? Like, and I, if I'm trying to help out 10 people with $5 and I'm trying to feed my damn self and I got to pay my bills and all this other stuff, like at the end of the day, I'm self-employed. So when.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["wkoDTA_hLIE", 13061, 13445], "asr": "dealing with, you know, a friend with benefits or, you know, I mean, I was gonna say a fuck buddy, but a fuck buddy is a fuck buddy. They're not really a friend. But yeah, it can, it can be very intense at times.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 3766, 4150], "asr": "I think for me it's when we get those times where we can go out and just grab a drink and sit and talk because that's what we did before.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 4150, 4534], "asr": "That was what we did all the time. All the time. So I think it's those times when I feel like we have that connection.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 5588, 5972], "asr": "But I think it was that night after the movie when we sat in the parking lot until 5 in the morning, 5.30 in the morning, on a Monday morning.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 10993, 11377], "asr": "And even though you're past that point where it could come back or where the chances are extremely low, that doesn't mean that it's not going to rear its ugly head.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 12418, 12802], "asr": "That's the time. But I think that's the only time that I really worry about you with...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 12882, 13266], "asr": "and what you've done with the kids and what you do on a daily basis, I know how strong you are. And that none of that is going to...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 2264, 2648], "asr": "I would say that I'm your best friend. Honestly, I take that title good. I would say I'm your best friend and that I love you more than...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 2679, 3063], "asr": "I guess the next people will probably be my mom and my dad. And that we can talk for hours and you can always say anything to me. You've always said anything that you wanted to. You can always be free.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 3063, 3447], "asr": "to be yourself. I would say that our families are, your family is basically my family. We grew up with each other and we're pretty much basically", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 5021, 5405], "asr": "Mm-hmm. A lot of things. I think, I always feel like if I say something to you, especially if it's like about mental health or whatever situation I may be going to, like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 5405, 5789], "asr": "just mentally I feel like now it's a little bit easier to talk about it with you or would be easier to talk about with you but during like back when we were you know together and stuff I just felt like either you wouldn't understand it or you would take...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 6173, 6557], "asr": "open up a lot and I guess that's kind of what was a big problem, especially like you said for you about commitment and saying, in the words of affirmation, just saying things. I'm just always afraid of losing you or you...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 9908, 10292], "asr": "You know, I don't know, it's hard to say. I think maybe the, not during Savannah, but afterwards, I guess, because we were able to talk through kind of like what we were going through. And I realized.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 10292, 10676], "asr": "We had more in common than I previously thought we did as far as like with depression and just how we dealt with different pressures and things like that. It's like it wasn't...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 10676, 11060], "asr": "Even though in the moment I felt like we were close, but afterwards when we were able to talk about it and just kind of go through what that time was, I think once we got to talk to it I felt a little bit more closer to you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 12647, 13031], "asr": "biggest fear going down the line and going down life and you getting married with someone other person and I look back and think what if that was us or what you know having those feelings or having those feelings.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 13176, 13560], "asr": "or find a way to communicate our feelings or what we were feeling towards each other sooner. And having those kind of like, having that pushback, still having to be around, you know, family and your new...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 13560, 13944], "asr": "Boyfriend and stuff like that and having to deal with that. I guess that's kind of like the Biggest fear because like you have to see you have to sit around and now you have to sit with your regrets and be around it Constantly, I mean now it's not now. It's not really", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 5170, 5554], "asr": "Really just be myself no matter who or what was around. And I know like if if you weren't, if we never met, like I probably would still have been that whole, I'm not going to say scared little boy, but just I've been a lot more conservative.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 10083, 10467], "asr": "if this is how it was drifting, I know, because this is something I did. So I can't even be like, hey, or try to break it down at the end of the day, facts are facts. And... Ah.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 12875, 13259], "asr": "and you tell me how attractive the waiter is. And it's like, I'm here trying to build something with you and you look at me in my face and tell me somebody else is looking better or someone else is. And it's like, cause I know if we were on a date and I'm like, oh wow, she looks good.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 16572, 16956], "asr": "Just because I realized the toxic person, you got to see your own bullshit sometimes. So once you understand that you were the toxic person, everything about you changes. You move different, you think different, and you understand that it's what you do that makes the difference, not how people act around you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 16956, 17340], "asr": "Everybody else is doing this what you're doing in the time you got it. So if I'm being real I would nothing's guaranteed. I don't know how the universe works but if the universe same.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 7268, 7652], "asr": "I think it scares me so much because I've experienced depression as a lot of us, as a lot of people have. And I think I see the signs of depression.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 9201, 9585], "asr": "If that makes sense. In the situation of needing a support system or needing somebody and I want to make sure that I am that person at all times.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 11338, 11722], "asr": "No matter what you're sending, no matter what meme you're sending me, no matter what text or song or anything, it's almost always in the sense or in the timing that I am not okay. And you just always end up following it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 16965, 17349], "asr": "Okay. From both our samples. Okay. If this was the last conversation that we were to have, I would want you to not forget that", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 17349, 17733], "asr": "One, more importantly, that I love you. But two, I would always want you to remember to remember yourself. Trust yourself. Look after yourself.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 17733, 18117], "asr": "Because in you being, in you doing all of these things for yourself, you're able to do that for so many other people around you that need you. There's a lot of people that need you. There are a lot of people that look up to you, that are a lot of people that love you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 2567, 2951], "asr": "I just think of you and me, you know, nobody else. We'll have our family and our friends there, but just being able to connect with you and we say our vows to one another and start this Williams Ever After legacy.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 7220, 7604], "asr": "It was a lot. And with us being in a long distance relationship, it was even more because it was like, okay, when is this gonna like, stop. And it was something that", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 7604, 7988], "asr": "neither one of us had control over. So I think that our challenge through all of those obstacles was communication. And sometimes", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 9365, 9749], "asr": "you had to make that conscious decision in your mind to say hey I want to work this out because if I hang up the phone that's it he's he's not down the street I can't just go down the hallway and talk to him it's like", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 11462, 11846], "asr": "how deep that love goes, you know? It's not about the feeling. Like I love you when we have those peaks and it feels good. And it's,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YI30GzlffAA", 1667, 2051], "asr": "I don't know if it's like specifically when I could trust you, but like when I knew that we kind of had a connection in some way that was like more than just like, oh, cool person, you know. Um, do you remember in Israel, we were walking to the", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YI30GzlffAA", 11643, 12027], "asr": "That is, um... Yeah, that's... that was not the best time. I think also because, like, I didn't have a clear goal for my future. Yeah. Like, I didn't know what I was doing in my life, like... We'd just finished...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YI30GzlffAA", 12027, 12411], "asr": "school, still at home. It just, it just like, it really felt like I had, I had not nothing to live for because like I have friends and family like I love.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YI30GzlffAA", 17351, 17735], "asr": "No matter what happens, if this is the last conversation we ever have, I wholeheartedly believe that you're going to be successful in whatever you do. There's not even a doubt in my mind that says you're not going to be amazing at what you do.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 5774, 6158], "asr": "And we've talked about that and I apologize. I said yes, I did lie about it in the short term. But for me, in my mind, and I totally take responsibility for this, I just know I don't want to experience feeling voiceless about something that I think is important. Even if you don't agree.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 7510, 7894], "asr": "I think this is more what I want to address, is saying neither one of us, I believe, in a marriage can expect to foster the best out of and invite the very best out of one another the moment we start dictating anything. If controls are present in any facet.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 8269, 8653], "asr": "be totally in agreement with that but I think it's the how we go about approaching things that I am utmost interested in is how are we approaching one another in something that is important and there's times when something is going to be really important to you and it may not be as important to me but", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 8653, 9037], "asr": "But that doesn't mean that I get to cut it off or I get to like divorce myself from the conversation. You know, if it's important to you, I want to give you the respect that you deserve, which is all of it. And I want to feel that the same. I think", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 17603, 17987], "asr": "I love you because God told me to and because I do and because how could I not? And I think that it's a package deal and like your family has been the hugest blessing to my life.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 17987, 18371], "asr": "on the I can even describe so it wasn't that I'm just it's you it's your whole family it's your family's legacy it's your dad it's your mom it's your brother and the whole family but you know you're beautiful in every sense of the word what carol said about you", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 18371, 18755], "asr": "are that. You are 2D beauty. You are two dimensional. Not just outward and obviously, obviously you are beautiful in every sense of the word, but I feel so privileged that I know the inward beauty and I get a chance to see it growing and blossoming.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 3072, 3456], "asr": "I guess kind of going back to your whole like independent thing, I mean I kind of get it now it helps you like feel in control of everything and I think you really like feeling that way.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 8626, 9010], "asr": "Independence has been such a good influence on me. I think it made me realize, like, I think I actually need to be independent, not just because I want to, but because it would be beneficial for my health or...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 9357, 9741], "asr": "pushed me into like coming to that like realization. But I think you definitely helped. I've definitely thought about getting my own place or living on my own a lot or just kind of being more like you I guess, without even meeting you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 11278, 11662], "asr": "I'm finding a job I really liked. Yeah, yeah. And I took like a couple part-time things, but I didn't feel like I really needed them because I was comfortable at home. I know I could depend on my family to help. And I think...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 12554, 12938], "asr": "I was just more comfortable taking the time and being patient. I think somehow in my mind, I knew I would find like a place I would be more comfortable and more happy spending my time. And I think you just weren't as comfortable with it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 13487, 13871], "asr": "someone who felt so strongly about how I feel about my future, like my decisions about being patient and not having to like always...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 15532, 15916], "asr": "It's probably been the most I've ever grown. Yeah, me too. That's so nice. Hahaha. Whoa. If this were to be our last conversation, what's something you would never do?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 17746, 18130], "asr": "I'll be really bad at answering these type of questions. I'm a little low because I'm like, anytime you think. But I think it's because I've never had a relationship where someone was so supportive of me for absolutely nothing.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 18130, 18514], "asr": "no reason I still can't understand it. I think from the moments where like I'm terrified to go on stage to perform and you're like you can do it just go on there and you can do it. Just pretend no one's there. But I'm here I'll be the one wooing.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 4356, 4740], "asr": "I feel that I often describe our relationship as really amazing yet challenging. And I think this goes back to even our banter about the nuances of challenge versus hope.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 10815, 11199], "asr": "I was like, that threw me for a loop.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 11199, 11583], "asr": "I was like, karma, yes, but also what the fuck? How it's showing up right now through you? I was like, especially being a moment where I was going into that conversation, really having talked to myself so powerfully, where it just like,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 12021, 12405], "asr": "hug you go see low-key slipping a knife inside me like but I'm gonna do some fuck here though and I think it wasn't as intentional as that it felt like it for sure and just said very casually as if it was just like yeah that happened and like", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 12878, 13262], "asr": "someone else's pain. I feel like it was just a moment of just being like, oh wow, okay. I was really hype about this and now I'm like, I feel slighted. And I also don't want to react in a way that could be disheartening.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 1875, 2259], "asr": "think well back then you know you know Bob always dated younger girls so we didn't know if you were someone who was just stopping in or you know you would be here forever", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 2259, 2643], "asr": "So I didn't really have much of an impression because I didn't know how long you were gonna last. I used to grow attached to his girlfriends and then they wouldn't be around. So I stopped. Silly me to know that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 3820, 4204], "asr": "Well, we know that. Unfortunately, we had to share in Bub's death and his passing and his sickness and his health, bad health. But you know what, that made our relationship strong.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 5787, 6171], "asr": "on the other side too. So. But we really just want you to be happy. And we want you to live your life and someone deserves to share the special person that you are and we don't want you to be alone.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 11096, 11480], "asr": "both of us and I would want to give you the best version of Bob that I could find in a guy for you that I would know that you would be happy and not alone and laugh and smile and do what you want to do.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 11480, 11864], "asr": "all the crazy things you want to do and all the adventures you want to take and you know have that special somebody you know with you. I can't replace Bub but I know the qualities in a friend that I would look for.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 12019, 12403], "asr": "shelf and look for something for the shelf below.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 12105, 12489], "asr": "below. If this were to be our last conversation, once", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 14113, 14497], "asr": "know, because I think that we're the only two people that can really believe to what happened, what was going on, and loved him just the same but differently. No. Yes.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 14574, 14958], "asr": "I cry all the time. I'm too sad. Because we weren't allowed to cry around anybody else. Those things have changed.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 14958, 15342], "asr": "I think that my party that my husband threw for me was really good for me as a turning point to help me out of that six month funk.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 15451, 15835], "asr": "well, probably after me and stuff, but it's hard. Losing a family member is a lot different than losing a husband or best friend.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 15835, 16219], "asr": "I think, especially my family. They were never healthy to begin with. I was always worried that the film was going to be, but losing Bob was hard, but we were there.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 16219, 16603], "asr": "for each other, but you're a very strong person and not many people your age, you know, you're my age, but you're your age. You know, you're very mature for everything that you've gone through.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 17676, 18060], "asr": "And that's when you see someone's real true colors and that type of person that they are. You couldn't have been any better to him. And it was comforting to me knowing that. It's very difficult, everything.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 18060, 18444], "asr": "that you went through and I love you for that, besides getting to know you and everything else, but that immediately was, you know, there was whoever loved Bub.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 18444, 18828], "asr": "I would have to love to or want to not have to. There's a room in our house for you if you ever need and otherwise we're a phone call away. We just want you to be happy and successful.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 1295, 1679], "asr": "When you had cancer, it wasn't thinking about losing you and being an only child. Because for me, that wasn't an option. It just wasn't going to happen.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 7748, 8132], "asr": "I watched a lot of other kids with cancer die. And to me, I don't know if it was your joy, your resilience, our family unit. I just kind of.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 4053, 4437], "asr": "Yeah, it's tricky. I feel like if all of the things that people would actually do expect it's like yes She is kind. She is extremely hard-working. I don't understand how you have time in the day Just period like to just even", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 4437, 4821], "asr": "be really to be kind because like when you have so much on you like how do you maintain that sense of just humanity and just like humble way about you it's really rare and beautiful thing to.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 17334, 17718], "asr": "Your openness, I love your abundance of love that you just put forth in this world. I love that smile. I feel like that's like unknown. Like, as... I'm gonna stick to open smiles, just legendary.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 17787, 18171], "asr": "Yeah, I love your generosity. I love your artistry. I love your power in every way. In the person you are and the advocate you are. The artist you are, all those things.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 4, 388], "asr": "the statistic that one of my embalmers brought up, that every six seconds someone tests positive and every eight minutes someone dies. I feel that right now because the phones don't stop.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 388, 772], "asr": "It is call after call of family asking me to help. And I don't have room anymore.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 3814, 4198], "asr": "I guess maybe it would be potential exposure in a body that you might work with or who you may come in contact with when people are getting a career.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 5827, 6211], "asr": "is lifting air quality control so that crematories can be able to do more cremations and not have to worry about the air quality impact. That's where we're at.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 7509, 7893], "asr": "if you lose a grandparent and then someone says, oh how old were they? Because then if they're old then it's like, oh it's fine. When in fact I was in a funeral, I was conducting a funeral this week and the persons, two young children,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 10196, 10580], "asr": "I'm so tired of saying no to people, it just feels horrendous, absolutely horrendous when you know death already takes away so many choices and your feeling of control and", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 12065, 12449], "asr": "I was just thinking that. I was just thinking that this is the first, this feels like a real sort of moment, because I don't think society is engaged with the realities of dying.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 12449, 12833], "asr": "in a way that they've been forced to over this last year. Yeah, grief, like everybody doesn't grieve the same way. You know this for a fact. And let's be honest, one of the stages of grief", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 13349, 13733], "asr": "fear of death is a sort of tends to be a low level constant for humans, but, but now it's so powerful in some places. And yeah, I think.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 17648, 18032], "asr": "I wish I could say the future is bright, but it seems gloomy. It seems cloudy up ahead. The storm is brewing. It's like when we're at home and we look out in the skyline like over the water.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 18032, 18416], "asr": "and I can see like the big, thick, dark clouds rolling in. That's what I look out and see. And it's like the uncertainty of, is it gonna just be a cloudy day or is it gonna like rain, thunder and lightning?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 18481, 18865], "asr": "I much prefer our cloudy days. We've also been granted with hope and noticing what hope is. Like Pandora's box literally got fucking opened but hope is still in that box in the corner ready to pop out like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 1499, 1883], "asr": "so subdued around you before and I even said something like I don't feel like I've shown you everything at this point I think I said something before Halloween happened and then it started raining and we ran around in the rain and we were like kissing in the rain", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 4300, 4684], "asr": "And then that was ridiculous, but we went to get pho and you got up in the middle of the restaurant because we were having a conversation about how I can't, like, my memory is pretty bad. And you're like, well, you should, like,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 4684, 5068], "asr": "make things more memorable. Like you should... I don't know. I don't know what you were trying to do, but you got up and started dancing, but it looked like flailing to me. And everyone was like looking and... It was absolutely...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 7619, 8003], "asr": "Silly things that weirdly turn me on like when you speak in that southern accent That's so southern that you can't really distinguish what you're saying It's I don't know why that's so sexy to me. It's like so it's just maybe the fact that you can just make fun of yourself and be silly", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 11096, 11480], "asr": "Oh my god. I wrote it actually in one of the letters I gave you for Valentine's Day, but you haven't opened it yet obviously. As a kind of like as an incentive for me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 11480, 11864], "asr": "to tell you. Because I want to, but I don't want you to feel like it's pressure.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 16737, 17121], "asr": "I just think like... I'm just so hesitant because it's only been... I've only known you for six months, maybe a little more than that and it's weird for me because I'm like, I don't... It doesn't happen to me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 20181, 20565], "asr": "I'm in, like, I don't even know what I want to do with my life. Like, I don't, I just feel almost stupid, like, feeling the way that I'm feeling because it's, like, so far past where I feel like I should be.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 22721, 23105], "asr": "Oh my god, you're in love with him. You're so in love with him. He's so in love with you. And I was just like, shut up, shut up. Because like I had already been thinking about it and for somebody on the outside to say that they saw something like that was, I don't know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 31302, 31686], "asr": "I don't think that I have an answer to that really. I don't think that there's anything that I think is not good right now other than like what's going to happen later but nobody can do anything about that anyway.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 34966, 35350], "asr": "Maybe when I like make a plan like that I'm excited about we talked about this recently when I make a plan that I'm excited about you know and you um kind of just want to invite people but it's just", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 38675, 39059], "asr": "I think... Maybe this is like... I'm gonna twist this a little bit, I think. Maybe this is just how...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 39113, 39497], "asr": "I see you, but I sometimes just think that you aren't realistic about things, like just it's the simplest things, you're just not realistic.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 39497, 39881], "asr": "realistic about. When you told me you bought three bottles of honey, this is tiny, but I was just like, why did you really bought three bottles just because they were cheap? Yeah, but that's just a small example.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 40557, 40941], "asr": "I think sometimes I'll see you take a step back. I just wish I had a better example than pickles and honey, but you take a step back and you're like, oh, Bobby, that was, oh, I should have thought about that or whatever. I just think there are some circumstances.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 40941, 41325], "asr": "circumstances, especially for me because I'm a planner when it comes to planning, you know? Like, but I think that I always see you do that and I always want to just be like, what? Why though? Like, why? Like, didn't you? Like, why? Like, why? Like, didn't you? Like, why? Like, why? Like, why? Like, why? Like, why? Like, why? Like, why? Like, why? Like, why? Like, why?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 42411, 42795], "asr": "What about when we went hiking with my brother and you were like, and we were all so dirty and sweaty and covered in sunscreen and you were like, oh, let's go visit at his, at his house.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 45307, 45691], "asr": "I just think a lot of people think that my, like having divorced parents is like the worst thing ever, but for me I think it happened at a time where I could understand it because I was a senior in high school and I, you know, it was miserable to be in a house with them.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 45691, 46075], "asr": "him. And okay, yeah, I can answer this. It was miserable to be in a house with them because they were always yelling and fighting and it was one parent against the other and like there was just no cohesiveness in the house at all. And when they were fighting, they were just like, oh, I'm going to go to the house with them.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 46075, 46459], "asr": "they moved out, they became great friends. And I think it just showed me what I don't want. That like, you can have, like you can find a partner that you're great friends with.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 46459, 46843], "asr": "with but that's not enough. You have to kind of just be on the same wavelength and I just want to be on the same wavelength as somebody. I want them to, you know, obviously that means like we can have different opinions, we can", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 46843, 47227], "asr": "and fight and we can, you know, but I just, at the core of their beings, my parents are different people. And I just wanna have some more similarity than that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 50197, 50581], "asr": "I'll start with myself. I would change my skepticism about it being able to work and I would stop thinking so much.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 50581, 50965], "asr": "because that's all I do. It's like think and plan what's gonna happen if. And I think I would also change that in you because I think you do that too. And I think it's like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 57957, 58341], "asr": "great but I don't like feel as deeply like you did like you hoped or something like she's awesome she is awesome but we're just very different I think it's the same thing as yeah very different", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 59654, 60038], "asr": "Yeah. It's just I knew it was more than yours, so I just didn't want like it was so early when you asked me that it was like we were just getting to know each other and we were like. I don't know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 62487, 62871], "asr": "Oh my god, I have to tell you something really great. What? When we were staying at my mom's house, oh my god, this is actually, I've been wanting to tell you this for so long. And this is the opportune moment. Okay. You, um... Did you catch me? I was in the bathroom. Well, wait, I was in the bathroom.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 62910, 63294], "asr": "I was in the bathroom and you were in the kitchen and there's this window. It was dark outside so the window is like reflective and I was in the mirror and I thought I had a booger so I took like a tissue and I stuck it up my nose and I was like moving it around in there.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 65398, 65782], "asr": "But I was cheated on one time. And I didn't really care about the relationship as, like, at the time it was like going out.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 65782, 66166], "asr": "it was on its way out and I like it only affected me because of the thought that I had like done something that would warrant someone to like look elsewhere like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 70193, 70577], "asr": "No, I am afraid of it, but I wouldn't let it stop me from being, you know, or experiencing it the way that it would be if there wasn't that hanging around here.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 71089, 71473], "asr": "No, hold on.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 75620, 76004], "asr": "Because I know that about you. I know how you just like thrive on moving around and traveling and learning and I love that about you and I think I'm the same way but I think", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 77336, 77720], "asr": "you know, expected of you, I guess, but... I don't want you to be afraid of hurting me. It's kind of inevitable, maybe, because of, you know, things, like, feelings that I've expressed to you, but... I just, like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 77744, 78128], "asr": "That's so not... I just want you to know that's not what I want. Like, I just want to have things be as they are, or as they would be. And I don't want you to think about hurting me because then...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 78128, 78512], "asr": "you will and it'll be earlier. You know, I just feel like something will happen earlier than it's supposed to because you're afraid. And I, although I'm so afraid of like a lot of things, I'm not like, I would never choose not to be afraid.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 79670, 80054], "asr": "I don't know if you don't see this but I think you just so... um... like... No, you probably see this. But you're like so...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 80054, 80438], "asr": "spongy. Like you just want to know everyone and you want to like know everything and maybe you do know that but I don't like it's just like when we were at new year that new year's party and you were all my friends and you didn't know a single person except for Dylan really.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 80649, 81033], "asr": "and like you just, you know, I don't know if you realize how like good you are at being like, I don't know, open, I guess. I don't know, maybe you do.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 1911, 2295], "asr": "years ago.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 2393, 2777], "asr": "Just like, did you have braces? Yeah, I did. Thank you for saying that. And I remember seeing next to you in science class. But yeah, I would say that was like the earliest memory. So you were just like tall and goofy and you hung out with those two girls a lot.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 3135, 3519], "asr": "Who would have thought? Yeah, and then ninth grade I remember you better. I remember coming up to you at lunch and then we talked about film club. And then I was like, oh you're going to film club? Yeah, can I go with you? And it was like a terrible film club.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 4279, 4663], "asr": "My mom recently asked me, because we were just talking about life, and she was like, when was the happiest you've ever been? And I actually said that because we were just so not, we didn't care about anything. It was just so, there was no history.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 8304, 8688], "asr": "There's something about me staring at you that scared me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember, I didn't know that was one of your favorite moments. That really did scare me. Yeah, that was, because we were in like a weird, we went through such a weird year this last year, you know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 8829, 9213], "asr": "the worst, absolutely worst summer. And then we were like, all right, let's do this thing. Let's see what happens. And then we kind of did it for like a little bit. We're like, let's make more problems. It's not gonna work. We're still apart from each other for two more years. And that I think...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 9213, 9597], "asr": "I think I like was feeding off the excitement of getting back together with you that once things started to like settle and I realized that are we gonna date again and And I think it was gonna work and so like that disappointment made it really tense", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 11753, 12137], "asr": "We're so cheesy. We're so cheesy. It was so beautiful, really. Like, really a... Little Italy restaurant. We're just... we really set the bar really high. Everything is going to be disappointing from now on. Yeah.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 12118, 12502], "asr": "Yeah. Yeah. That's one way of looking at it. Yeah. I can't think of a third though. There's so many. Yeah. I would like to think one when we broke up. But after that. But it was like a rough. It was rough. It's hard to think.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 14147, 14531], "asr": "It wasn't the Governor's Island moment. It was, that sucks about getting older. Is that just gonna, I feel like every relationship you just carry that baggage and I don't know. It's scary.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 17975, 18359], "asr": "Yeah, yeah, I would say the same I say it still shocks people how long we've dated Like this is like we're like so young like and to update someone for that long. It's like shocking to people But I just say the same", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 18588, 18972], "asr": "you. So just think you're a really really nice guy. I think I would say that. Anything else? No, no we dated that we're, people like ask where we are now and I'm like, we're going to try to be friends but we're taking some time right now. But that's okay.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 20498, 20882], "asr": "That's a good question. That's the hardest thing for you. I think the things that you went through after we broke up, your freshman year, was it, yeah, it was your freshman year with like your friends, like what happened specifically, I think that was really hard for you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 22761, 23145], "asr": "at school and like you weren't even, like it felt like almost unfazed, but I know you weren't, but like that was my perspective of it, that you were unfazed by us breaking up. And then of course like a lot of stuff happened over the summer.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 24318, 24702], "asr": "summer I have no idea how the summers been for you you've like I'm curious I would like to actually really want to know what it's been like us being completely yeah not talking when we're both like 20 minutes away from each other yeah I like look for you every time I pass by your stop I just think you're gonna like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 26208, 26592], "asr": "compared to a year ago. Like, do you know how many times I was like, wow, I've really grown. Like, what I've done, what I would have done a year ago. Like, I wanted to hit you up, but I like, did it. And that's like, really big for me to not need you, like, and stuff like that. So, I did a lot of like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 29951, 30335], "asr": "I feel like it's both of us. Yeah, because you broke up with me in a really shitty way last year, but I put you through hell a month before that, like asking for what I was asking for, and asking for us to be more open, and asking for us to see other people.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 30335, 30719], "asr": "I didn't want that at all and it made you really insecure. And I kept pushing for it, you know? And I don't regret asking because it's what I wanted and you ask for what you want in a relationship, but you're at your own wits end too. You're in a lot of pain.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 31162, 31546], "asr": "You not being such a dick. Yeah. Yeah. That fucked me up. A lot. For sure. Not breaking up with me over Skype. With you would have been great. I know we were like miles, hundreds, whatever, miles apart. And you just not being a dick. That really, that-", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 31546, 31930], "asr": "like had a lasting effect on me and the way I thought about myself that beginning of last summer like it really fucked me up like I Felt I was talking about this recently to like hear something because not that's what gets frustrating about", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 31930, 32314], "asr": "you sometimes with people that like people think you're so amazing and you are so amazing but like you make mistakes like you have flaws you're not the most self-reflective person all the time and now that last summer was a really dickish time for you and like nobody saw it", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 33076, 33460], "asr": "Because like I know I was such a good boyfriend and I was like, oh I'm excited to meet the girl you date Cuz like, you know, I know I'm cute and and then I told my mom that and she's like you're more than that like you're not just like That but I really really messed me up. I really missed How I dated after that", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 33484, 33868], "asr": "And like how I used, I just felt like I was trying to get back together with you and that wasn't what you were trying to do. And just to have that being done by the person that was so unconditionally in love with you for a full life.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 34600, 34984], "asr": "I feel like you have to understand the place I was coming from when I made the choices I made. And I still feel like I still fucked up a lot that I shouldn't have done it, but I think we have to understand the places we were coming from and stuff.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 39371, 39755], "asr": "Like he like I thought was not that's a little unfair. I was like I that was not me Like that was it. I didn't I didn't do any like I wasn't yeah That was the first time we had hung out one-on-one all summer. I didn't do anything besides sit next to him", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 39755, 40139], "asr": "I didn't do anything so I don't think that's really fair. Like the other whatever, that's completely my fault. Totally, totally my responsibility. And even like still, I have a big part in that, but no, no, no, no. I, no, okay, I was just, I don't like not.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 40139, 40523], "asr": "being viewed as like a person either by our friends it frustrates me too. I got frustrated with you that I always had to get like this shit for it. Except for one thing I didn't do anything. You know the one thing I did do was really really", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 43865, 44249], "asr": "Sometimes I feel like you don't realize how much I've changed because I feel like I revert back to old habits when we're together a lot. I was listening to the like watching some footage I took of you for my winter break film and I like hate", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 44505, 44889], "asr": "and it's like annoying. And I'm not like that with people now. I don't think, I hope not. But I was really like that with you even, and I just pride myself in when I can have full composure whenever we're hanging out, because you have a really.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 50221, 50605], "asr": "And because the thing is dating is such a big part of anyone's life. Like, so there's just times I just naturally want to tell you a story that involves someone I'm dating or seeing or whatever, and I just can't. Like, I notice sometimes you like, when you refer to people, you use like, they.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 51256, 51640], "asr": "I don't want to know. I think that's gonna take me a while. I do think that if you had a girlfriend, like officially, Facebook status official girlfriend, I'd want to know. Because I just... it's gonna happen. And I'm gonna have to... I'd rather not.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 51640, 52024], "asr": "they're like no and I don't think I might not be able to hang out like with you and her for a while but like sure of course but I would want to know I would hate to hear it from somebody else honestly like if Danny was like you know would you meet Jake's girlfriend", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 52815, 53199], "asr": "I've been through a lot of pain when it comes to dating. I've been through a lot of pain and it really hurt and I've been hurt really really bad and I want to tell you because you've always been there for me and I can't. I tell you the big things like I told you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 53199, 53583], "asr": "what happens in Halloween and stuff but I don't know if I get the fuck boy fucks me over I don't really tell you over there I want to sometimes you know so the big things I will continue oh for sure you're the first person I would call for the big things", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 53583, 53967], "asr": "Still oh Yeah, honestly. Yeah, cuz you handled it so well when I called you That time like even though we were still kind of dating like you still handles it really well was what happened", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 54488, 54872], "asr": "I'm like, no, I'm not gonna do that. I'm like, uh-uh. He's like, nope, I don't wanna see it. Yeah. Yeah. I am a little, I do slip up more than you do. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But it's like both scary, because I'm like, oh my God, what do you have?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 55519, 55903], "asr": "Oh yeah. Well that's what I'm saying. I think once you have a girlfriend, I'll be able to hear it. I think once you have a girlfriend after I've mourned and after I've met her and after whatever trial period has passed, then I think we can go for that beer and have a talk about it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 58954, 59338], "asr": "shocking that you were so like fucked up over that of like of that fear you know. Mine is similar too mine had to mine was earlier in the summer when you know kind of still in your dickish face. Fuck for you. Fuck for terrible.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 59620, 60004], "asr": "me and all that stuff. And then I asked you, do you still love me? And you were like, less. I love you less. And just to\u2026oh my god. It was that mixed with people.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 60004, 60388], "asr": "looking up with like they have you love me less like and then I stayed and I stayed and I'm pretty sure we hooked up and I slept over and I like I've never had panic attacks but I was like shaking all", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 64873, 65257], "asr": "I don't think about it. I really don't. I think about it sometimes. Like, oh, what would it be like if we dated? But I actually really hate thinking about it because then I feel like I'm setting an expectation and you could go off and get married in five years. I don't know, probably not, but like you could. So, try and think about it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 67497, 67881], "asr": "I think we're both are like, I don't think either of us ever want to go into a relationship with a, in the back of a mind, like, oh well, I'm gonna date somebody else in like 10 years. It's not healthy and it's not letting us find somebody else that we might, that's hopefully we're up to a point where we can", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 70036, 70420], "asr": "Imagining falling for somebody like that again. It's a fear because I I hated how dependent I was on you Like I just I really hated it and just to think of that ever happening again, like you always used to say like You know who loves I always thought I loved you more", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 75498, 75882], "asr": "a lot. I get that. I just want to call you and tell you about a movie I saw. I don't know. But I also don't want to get used to having you again. I got really used to not having you in my life and it took me a long time.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 77046, 77430], "asr": "because it's just been helping me. And I wrote about you because I still think about you all the time. But I was thinking about like... I was thinking because I've been dating and you think about... You learn things from different people.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 77586, 77970], "asr": "fearing that like you dating an amazing girl is that gonna make you feel like We weren't amazing, you know but I I was I was trying not to be so selfish thinking about that and I was thinking like well, I want him to continue to grow", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 77970, 78354], "asr": "And I feel like a relationship helps with that so I wrote in my little thing I wrote about music. I want you to date someone that helps you sleep better and like makes you open up and not stress as much and like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 3891, 4275], "asr": "And at this point it was towards the end of the night and we were like obviously a little drunk. And we were outside kind of waiting for our Uber because we were like let's just look out here. And you had said on your bucket list that...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 4275, 4659], "asr": "You've never saw dance with anybody before, so I made you. We looked so dumb, but we were on the streets. And you were singing Elvis, so amazing. Our first time that we met in Hungary", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 4659, 5043], "asr": "out and we laid in your bed and just read poetry to each other, your favorite book. And we spent like an hour doing that. And then the most recent one was when we were in the store.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 5043, 5427], "asr": "I like have that weird thing where I sing everything I say and then you were about to go into a sentence and I felt like I needed to end that sentence for you but singing it and you sang the exact same thing and we were like we stopped.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 8715, 9099], "asr": "I know our favorite time together, or personally for me anyways, is when we are laying in bed just like reading or just enjoying silence together because I feel like I'm the type of person that needs, if I'm with somebody I'm constantly having to talk or entertain them to feel...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 9099, 9483], "asr": "like the conversation's moving and going, but with you, like silence is so comfortable. And whether that's like, we were on FaceTime because of the distance, or when we are together and just like laying in bed, it's comfortable around you being in silence.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 9643, 10027], "asr": "No, it's that comfortable sense of knowing we don't have to say anything in order to just be. You know? Because I usually, like, I'm always feeling pressured when I'm with somebody. And I've always felt that way, but I've never felt pressured to have that with me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 11893, 12277], "asr": "But I feel like that's what I like about you because I mean like you and I know you have like I'm cool, but Like you do things like the weird dancing like I don't know what you do with your feet this line dancing thing It's the cutest thing in the world. I just think it's a", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 12480, 12864], "asr": "like your voice and your demeanor. That is not hot. It's not that it's hot and not that it's like, oh, this turns me on. It's just like, it's so cute. It's like a different side of you that nobody really gets to see that I'm very fortunate that I am able to see. So I think just knowing that you're comfortable.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 12864, 13248], "asr": "on me enough to act in different ways. Like a baby. Yeah, like a baby. No. It's very nice. It's very cute. Also, when I'm taking photos for work or anything for you and you're posing for the camera.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 15499, 15883], "asr": "I mean, it's easy to say, it's like, you're away or no way, but that's not a bad thing. You know what you want, but that's something I've always admired you for, and I tell you that a lot. It's like, you go into things knowing what you want and how you want it done. So, I would say you, but not even in a bad way.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 16521, 16905], "asr": "It's absolutely equal. It depends on the day. There are times where it's very much equal that we're sharing this sense of power, I guess. But even then, I don't even feel like you're hovering over me with power.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 16905, 17289], "asr": "most of the time I would say you. I mean I would do anything for you. And you know that, that's the thing, you know it. Okay. What are you hesitant to tell me? Oh my god.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 20083, 20467], "asr": "Don't feel pressured. It's like you're not, you act like you're like forcing me like you're in chains. No, I want to. Yeah. I want to. And I know, especially now, like our communication has gotten better than it was like at the beginning because lo and behold.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 21254, 21638], "asr": "Kind of towards the beginning. It was, I want to say one of our first disagreements and it was very fair because it's something that's new for the both of us. Or you've dealt with it but had bad experience and it is only because that like I'm by myself.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 27015, 27399], "asr": "that we are only able to see each other not as often as normal couples do but that falls into communication like I am really really bad and like you know this like just opening up with people and it", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 27399, 27783], "asr": "It stems from past relationships and I've always felt like anytime I did open up with people I felt misunderstood or judged and those are two things that I hate the most. So I kind of brought that along.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 28099, 28483], "asr": "I mean, but for the most part you are. You're really, really good at it. And especially like, you're very intuitive where you know if you could tell and you could sense if something's up with me and you'll be like, Orion, like what's up? Like, let me know and I'm not, and I'm always one to open it once you say it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 28994, 29378], "asr": "Oh yeah, well you make them pretty awkward. You can give me that open door to say something. But so communication, which is of course something that I'm getting better at, but also distance, and that's something we would overcome.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 29536, 29920], "asr": "No, I'm excited. That sounded very not excited, but I am. It's just scary. It is, absolutely. It's very terrifying, but like I said, I have confidence in us. We have our heads in the right place. So I think we'll do a good job.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 35207, 35591], "asr": "And sometimes I wish a lot of it you didn't have to go through. Because you're such a great person and you know that's what makes you so great is that you were able to come out of things like that and still be awesome and badass.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 35591, 35975], "asr": "But there are things that I wish that you didn't have to go through because when you do talk about it, I can still see, although it happened like years ago, I can still see a little bit of it inside of you. I'm working on it. Take your time.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 38759, 39143], "asr": "times but I think it always results in to me like sitting you down and saying like listen you have every reason and right to feel this way you are entitled to your own emotions and like I'm one for overthinking so like I can't even blame myself.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 41691, 42075], "asr": "Anything presently that you do, I feel like I... You know, there are times where if we do get a TIF, I'm like thinking to myself, I'm like, breathe. Well, it takes this patience and that's what I learned from you. And that's something you've taught me a lot.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 45980, 46364], "asr": "No, no I Feel I've talked I tell you everything that I feel like you like if there's one slight thought man I'm like I tell you so this is something that you already know, but like how as Much as you don't think you are you?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 46364, 46748], "asr": "You are such a caring and loving person and towards and that sounds like so cliched to just say that but like you will bend over backwards for anybody whether it be a friend or even an acquaintance or a work partner. It doesn't matter how they treat you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 46748, 47132], "asr": "treated you in the past. An animal like you are so loving towards cauliflower and my pets. You will bend over backwards for anybody and I admire that because you don't you don't care what they've done to you in your past.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 47453, 47837], "asr": "I would also say that you are just an inspiring person all around. Like, I tell you this all the time, you are somebody that I aspire to be when I grow up. Like, you know what you want.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 51553, 51937], "asr": "I love you because you challenge me. You help me think outside of my little tiny box. And I learn a lot from you, you know? And it's not just about what you do for me. I love you because you're my friend.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 51937, 52321], "asr": "because of the way you are and you know I'll repeat it again how loving you are towards other people, how charismatic you are, how talented you are, how understanding. You're very understanding, you're very open.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 52321, 52705], "asr": "I love you for things like I said what you can provide for me, but mostly you mm-hmm, and It's always been that way like ever since the moment. I've talked to you. I've just like I felt you know I can", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 52926, 53310], "asr": "that I just... Even when I annoy you? Even when you annoy me, your presence is very much needed. Like when you're not around me, I'm like, where'd she go? I need her. So it's just your presence and your... the way you carry yourself and your aura.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 57179, 57563], "asr": "It's weird to talk about because we haven't been together that long so when I do talk about it around friends they're like, are you good? But it's like, no I am, I'm fine. I've never felt this way towards another human being before.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 58173, 58557], "asr": "Oh no, same. Like I... People dating me for their own reasons. It's like taboo, you know what I mean? Yeah. To like talk about those things, but I feel so much more comfortable and like, you know my thing is like, my biggest fear is just like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 58557, 58941], "asr": "Somebody picking up and leaving. So to know that you can sit here in front of my face and be honest and say, I envision this with you. And it's every time, it's never been like, maybe. It's always been like, this is what I want. Maybe.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 58941, 59325], "asr": "It makes me feel very confident in us. And like, it makes me feel very confident in you. And knowing that we want the same things. Exactly. Did we just say that at the same time? That was weird. I'm sorry.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 64153, 64537], "asr": "You've written a lot about it. I've written a lot about it, but that's the beauty of writing. You can write about it. It lives there forever, but it's not really in your head anymore.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 67468, 67852], "asr": "I don't want that, I just want to know what was so different between what made this happen, what were you drawn to at the point? I'm not talking about, I don't know what I'm trying to say here, never mind.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 75454, 75838], "asr": "I just think it's mainly because of, you know, like the age difference and like knowing that I am a bit younger. And I think that scared me a little bit.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 75838, 76222], "asr": "because I feel like not with you, but just people in general are very, can easily just not take me seriously just because they would rather go by my age rather than like the things I say and the things I do. So you don't think I take you seriously? No, you do take me seriously. I'm saying people in general.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 17659, 18043], "asr": "you mess up about and like this is how you. I think I tell it to you pretty straight. Yeah, you do but I think it's like hard sometimes because like you don't wanna like offend me or like watch me get like upset about it because I like take it and I'm like, oh, I just, I made Chella upset.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 20400, 20784], "asr": "in this world and you are a deaf individual in this world and I will never be able to wrap my head around like what truly that's like. Like remember how I told you, like I could wear earplugs for a whole entire day and like try to.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 20784, 21168], "asr": "understand but I think that because I mean just sometimes I forget that we're in situations that you can't hear or or like when you take out your input", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 21168, 21552], "asr": "plants at night and I have to tell you something but I have to sign and if I'm tired then it's just like an added thing to try to do but there's no other way for me to communicate to you unless I write something down but", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 30359, 30743], "asr": "I feel like that's hard to see and I usually like tell you what someone said if you ask me but I don't ever want to like be like oh this is what this person said and then you like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 48101, 48485], "asr": "that you deserve everything that you've gotten that is good. Like this platform to talk and to...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 56001, 56385], "asr": "I understood that people had struggles because like I obviously did but like really understanding like how much something could it impact someone politically.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 59414, 59798], "asr": "Yeah, physical distance and to just giving up. And I think about that a lot and I know that you would never give up because like, you have to keep moving.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 60433, 60817], "asr": "And I couldn't even get myself to pee because I was just so upset. I was like, I can't believe this fucking lady thinks she can go out of, she's gonna go out of her way to say this when in what...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 64610, 64994], "asr": "Well, I was actually thinking about this the other day. I guess that's a specific question. Because when I was sitting in class, we got asked, what community are you a part of?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 67772, 68156], "asr": "But I'm glad I can still be happy and understand everything as well. Not everything, but most things now. Yeah. So thank you. My pledge.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 1316, 1700], "asr": "I wouldn't have thought it was possible, but I would say it's deepened. Getting to know who you are, not just the man, but also the husband, and now the father.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 7042, 7426], "asr": "proud of you. It's like I was actually talking about this just last night. She said something so beautiful which is it's not just having a deep respect for someone. It's not just respecting someone.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 7521, 7905], "asr": "a profound admiration for them. And I feel that way for you every day. I look at you and I I'm so proud of you. Just the choices you make on a daily level of", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 12154, 12538], "asr": "I think in realizing the amount of people that it touched and affected and that knew me as well the first time doing this project feeling kind of anonymous.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 13991, 14375], "asr": "I think that it wasn't just an anonymous moment alone in a room with my husband because you forget. You're the only one in front of me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 16804, 17188], "asr": "I actually have a little bit of a love-hate relationship with them at this point because they perfectly match your bed, which I've been trying to get a replacement for for forever. And you won't let me because now one of your standing arguments is that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 17884, 18268], "asr": "What are you hesitant to tell me?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 21154, 21538], "asr": "break it. You know, this next year we either get this piece figured out of you know getting your startup up and running and what I've got going on with real estate and and we make it and we get to stay in the trade.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 22097, 22481], "asr": "And at the same time, change is always kind of exciting to me. So I know that we'll figure it out. It's hard for me to imagine any other place on Earth being quite as awesome as New York, aka in America.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 22549, 22933], "asr": "work. So I guess I'm open to the unknown, but it's scary. It's scary feeling the just the pressures. Um, you know, it's like that little black shadow that that rock.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 22933, 23317], "asr": "guides my back of try harder and work harder and do harder and see what happens. But it's scary just feeling that little state of disease and at the same time", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 23726, 24110], "asr": "I really believe that. Especially because, you know, at the end of the day when I take stock of what I'm what I'm most grateful for, there is not a material aspect or a quantity aspect.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 32085, 32469], "asr": "She's nearly 30 pounds and I can't hold her like I did six months ago. She's not the little baby that she was six months ago. It's already happening. It's already happening. It's all so out of my control. It's terrifying.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 38160, 38544], "asr": "Even if it's like four in the morning. And I'm tapping out. Bend Tigger. And you're like, come on, Naya, let's go read books in the living room. And then you come back and you're like, we just had the most special time.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 38544, 38928], "asr": "And it's the sweetest thing I've ever seen. And it's so sweet seeing this special, intimate relationship that you two are building as father and daughter. And you want to do it so.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 44257, 44641], "asr": "I think you can be a better father. I think you're kind of being the most amazing dad ever. You try, like I said, you try as hard as you can all the time to be involved and be present.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 58994, 59378], "asr": "there's yet another way to relate to you. I get yet another avenue to be in love with you and it's watching you be a father and such an incredible one at that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 59800, 60184], "asr": "I would also say too, a feeling of solidarity, unlike any before, of being just back to back, just duking it out or too...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 60783, 61167], "asr": "finding this great solace in each other, there being kind of this focus, perhaps even a return or of like a more stereotypical relationship of, um,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 61483, 61867], "asr": "you get to make your decisions as you see fit. And, you know, like I could use an example of like when we did have a disagreement of like someone drinking more than, you know, the other person found desirable. I don't know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 61963, 62347], "asr": "It was me. Strange. But using that as an example, the argument would always be like, it's my choice. I'm choosing to do this. And if you're having a hard time, you can choose how to manage yourself. You know? And if you're saying you can't be with me, you know?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 11661, 12045], "asr": "No, that's not, it doesn't affect our relationship. Alright. Okay. Um, what would I change? Truthfully, I like the way we are. I like the way we are. I don't think, not the relationship.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 14391, 14775], "asr": "If that, we would not have been here today, married for so long, and have the relationship we have. We had to endure what we had in the past. We had to live. We had to be where we were at.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 21462, 21846], "asr": "Just I want to be free of bills. Like it's impossible, but I just want to be able to have enough money in the bank for us not to be worried about every month of certain things that they're coming up, like the insurance.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 21846, 22230], "asr": "and things like that. Like small bills. We never had an issue with the rent, we never had an issue with, you know, like our phone bills or anything, but just, you know, like other stuff. Because I feel like if I go shopping and I want to buy a bag or I want to buy", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 22230, 22614], "asr": "a pair of shoes that I really, really want. And then I'm going to be like, we're going to be short for insurance or we're going to be short for products. You know, that's the only thing. So I want to be able to have enough money in the bank. I want to be able to have enough money in the bank.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 27957, 28341], "asr": "You told me that it was something like waking up and brushing your teeth, something like that, the explanation you gave me. And when I saw you and her together that night,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["wrhnUxQrx8g", 40138, 40522], "asr": "not to be selfish. Because on Housewives, we watched that episode, and then you showed me, when you paused it, like that she was being selfish, and I saw why you want me not to be selfish, because it's really nasty, and it just shows that like she doesn't", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 9739, 10123], "asr": "that night, I always talk about it, but do you remember that night like a long time ago where I just, I was just sad about, yeah. But that night, like I wouldn't stop crying. And you were just there to talk to me about the whole night. So that's one of my favorite memories.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 10163, 10547], "asr": "vulnerable with that. Yeah, the first time because you know like even like right now I have that chill wallow. You're cooler, I'm not gonna lie. But that um that night was and then um", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 13015, 13399], "asr": "I'm not really vulnerable with a lot of people. And you know that. I have like one other friend that I tell everything to. But yeah, that night. Cause you didn't give up. You weren't just like, get over it. Or like, you know, not that you would ever say that, but a lot of people just kind of give up.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 25506, 25890], "asr": "Um, yeah, I would say the same thing, I think, especially in those those moments. Well, for you, I agree. I don't know. I think it's just because I can't understand it, because...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 26275, 26659], "asr": "I think with that too, when I'm feeling down about something or I've lost hope in something, it's hard for you to like, you're constantly having to tell me like, no, you can do it, have you tried it? And with those,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 27872, 28256], "asr": "You had just quit. Yeah. And then, so I saw no like, any way to get across. Or even trying to make it like, three months in between we see each other, like a couple months in between, you know. But... I don't know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 34291, 34675], "asr": "I think you, I can say what you think, like, I think, well you've told me before that just randomly I won't like you anymore. Especially if you tell me anything, you know? Yeah. But...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 45259, 45643], "asr": "Okay, so like with your mom, I feel like that is one of the top things. Like with her being sick and then also what happened, you know, in Haiti.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 51779, 52163], "asr": "we won't have that need as much. Even though I'd be like, oh I miss you, probably. But it's like, we never had it, so you know. Or it could be bad and we could", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 56779, 57163], "asr": "I don't know, you're a very hopeful person. And I think that's one of the things that I like. You're just like, yeah, I'm gonna do that. Like, yeah, I'm gonna have that. Yeah, I'm gonna buy her that house. Yeah, I'm gonna do that, you know? It's not like, oh, I'd want to.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 66225, 66609], "asr": "You're just kind and you're like you you not only help me and like a lot of things I want to do and like believe me But you believe in any everybody else if somebody's like I'm trying to do this you like dude Let's go do it. You know if you could do that right now", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 1489, 1873], "asr": "It says you're very laid back. I feel like you can be an artist or something like that. Well, your hair is done pretty well. It's not like it's messy or anything like that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 5456, 5840], "asr": "people who are sometimes like really shy and reserved and or you know just don't seem to like to hang out or just have a good time and you seem like a guy that likes to hang out and have a good time.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 6321, 6705], "asr": "Hmm. Although you seem like a guy's guy, you seem like, I don't wanna say the word emotional because that can go.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 11278, 11662], "asr": "Yeah, no. You have to have your quirkiness and your fun and your weirdness in there too, for sure. I think that's what makes it comfortable. That's what makes you comfortable with your partner.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 11865, 12249], "asr": "And I understand, I completely understand, I don't really have a lot of best friends. And those who are my best friends are like really close to me. So yeah, I mean I'm not going to just date anyone. So yeah, he would have to be like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 12919, 13303], "asr": "Yeah, that for sure. Because I mean, if you can't trust, if I can't trust him, I can't do anything pretty much. I can't listen to him. I can't believe him. I can't, yeah.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 18939, 19323], "asr": "Well, probably the communication part as well. I'm expressive, but only if it's through an argument, if that makes any sense. If it's built up and I'm angry and I'm tired of it, then I'm just going to be a little bit of a wimp.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 20893, 21277], "asr": "I'd say your emotions, number one, because that's the first thing that you said about what your ex would warn me about you. And because your emotions are your emotions, you kind of don't want to apologize.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 28516, 28900], "asr": "Maybe your humor, because I'm starting to see that come out a little bit. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. But I'm starting to see that come out and. That's, you know, something that attracts people.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 28900, 29284], "asr": "of people humor, if you make them laugh or if you crack a joke here and there. From what I heard from you it can go to obnoxious probably. But as far as I'm concerned, it's not.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 31638, 32022], "asr": "Not because I haven't been treated with respect, but if you respect a woman, she will see that. Regardless if nice guys finish last, if you treat her right, she will see that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 32022, 32406], "asr": "she'll see that and if she doesn't decide to acknowledge it or appreciate it that's fine that's her problem. But she can never say to you, oh you treated me wrong, you were never good to me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 32406, 32790], "asr": "I would hate for someone to tell my son, you were never good to me or you're not a good man because you don't treat me with respect. So yeah, definitely always respect women. And from like, just being nice.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 33893, 34277], "asr": "relationships. I mean women cheat. I hate when women say like I don't cheat or I don't do this or I'm a woman I don't do that. Everybody's not the same but women are just the same as men.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 34277, 34661], "asr": "It happens, things happen. Yeah, so don't ever, I would tell my son, don't ever let a woman tell you, oh, I'm not gonna do that because, you know, I'm a woman, because it's not true.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 38031, 38415], "asr": "But um... I think I understand. Yeah? I think I understand. Um... Yeah, one thing my mom always taught me, because I wasn't raised by my dad, but she always taught me that they'll always be there.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 41011, 41395], "asr": "No, I my sister and I are 10 years apart. So technically I'm not, but maybe kind of sort of. Yeah. And I'm my mom's youngest and my dad.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 43271, 43655], "asr": "I like it. And you're a guy too. I feel like it's different for guys and girls because my mom, she would not let me do anything. My sister is older than, well, I said that, but I think she caused so much trouble.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 55737, 56121], "asr": "So, best I'd say you have like a sense of comfort. So I feel comfortable with you. So you know, I'm sure I'd feel comfortable telling you anything.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 56653, 57037], "asr": "this. Maybe I need to focus on me and maybe this relationship thing isn't what I want right now what I'm ready for because you need to work on things that you", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 62079, 62463], "asr": "expect things to go the way they're supposed to go sometimes, especially like if I'm in a relationship because it's someone else too. It's not just me. I would want them to be just as happy as I am.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 62463, 62847], "asr": "But I think I would have to understand that, you know, I would have to be patient with the person and grow with them and experience things with them and just", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 64316, 64700], "asr": "Anyways, yeah But I would definitely like smile at you and you know If you were next to me while I was getting a drink, I'd probably say hey or something like that But yeah, but I wouldn't like come up to you and say hi. My name is Kelsey. What's your name? Yeah, that's", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 3515, 3899], "asr": "No?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 4629, 5013], "asr": "Yeah, it does. It's fairy tales. I'm like, what do you mean? And so my immediate reaction was, yeah, I'm ready to leave this all behind. I'm ready to go. And then a couple of years of feeling really down and really depressed, and I was like, hmm, I have no idea.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 9372, 9756], "asr": "They all know some version. Like they all know the late night Alexa breaking down about your stuff. They all know some version, but I've told different people different things and it's come up in different contexts.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 16941, 17325], "asr": "not heavily based, but has grown so much and is so strong, is the way it is because of all we've gone through because we're siblings. A friend hasn't gone through what we've gone through religiously or friendship-wise or at home.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 28430, 28814], "asr": "More practically, you're still in my life because of college and because of our close nuclear family and because of all the ways in which we understand each other more than other people.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 2174, 2558], "asr": "I mean, I don't really give a lot of information out to other people because it just feels like people just want to know about your business Like if someone comes up to me with like genuine care asking how our relationship is going or like, you know about you or pre It's like I'll talk to them", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 2948, 3332], "asr": "I feel the closest to you when you're vulnerable to me. Like the other night when we were at Dave and Buster's waiting for pre, we were in the car talking about your childhood and stuff. I don't know. I just feel like you put...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 6305, 6689], "asr": "If it's referring to pre, I don't think it affects us in any way. Like when I see like you and pre together, like it makes me extremely happy. Like, you know, even when if me and you, you know, we do spend a little more time together than all three of us together.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 6689, 7073], "asr": "So it's like even if me and you are in bed and Pree comes home and like you hug your new kisser or like seeing that makes me happy. So it's like I don't... If anything I think it makes like our relationship better. Because it's like it brings me to just like okay like that's what they both like. It gets me a bit...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 8968, 9352], "asr": "But it was just more of like, you know, I'm still young and I'm still a little more naive than you guys so it's kind of just like me having to I mean, I never had like any big things that I wanted to do in life like, you know I was always more simple. It's like all right. I want to", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 9352, 9736], "asr": "be a chef, like I want to open up my own restaurant, I want to be able to like go to culinary school. Those were the things and I never thought too far ahead because it's like, I never saw a reason to get like expectations up, you know? But for me to join this relationship and", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 9736, 10120], "asr": "and having to set what I want to do aside so I can fit yours in Pre's agenda was like tough. So it's like, I think that's something that like always goes in my head, I guess you can say. But it's nothing that's just like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 12880, 13264], "asr": "No, it's just like when I try to get my point across, you do kind of twist my words sometimes. Yeah, you do. Don't do that. So it's kind of just like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 16874, 17258], "asr": "Like the things that like pre has dealt with with you Especially when it came to like other women like I would never be able to put up with that Because I'm the kind of person that's like Alright, we can have an open relationship, but it's just you in my opinion you didn't", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 17622, 18006], "asr": "Well that too, spending a lot of time at other women's houses, like, you know, like even that time when we were open in the beginning of the relationship and you went out on the date with that girl from Tinder and you were supposed to hang out with me, like, I was like extremely pissed at.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 19586, 19970], "asr": "Because you do kind of take it to the extreme. Like you just by being like around women, like when you told me your body count, like I was like extremely surprised. I was like, fuck, like, gotta get myself checked now.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 23680, 24064], "asr": "Even though sometimes I do have my moments where I do talk a lot to my close friends, it's like I am private for the most part. So it's kind of just like I don't know how I feel about someone else, like me having to be vulnerable to someone else. So it's like until I feel like I break that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 25187, 25571], "asr": "mentally prepare myself for it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 9331, 9715], "asr": "And the house on St. Paul Road, it was just like, you worked up from home and you never spent time with us. I mean, like, being the twins.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 19977, 20361], "asr": "the times like when we were I think like on white street and he would wake up because like early in the morning and he wouldn't have been out all night you would have just", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 20361, 20745], "asr": "been sober and I would just like watch the news with you while you drink your coffee in the morning before you go to work and stuff like that but it's been a long while for that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 20745, 21129], "asr": "But that's when I felt most close to you because you weren't paying attention to anything else than just us talking or like spending time with you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["6RDkdbgzeAI", 31469, 31853], "asr": "Something I wouldn't want you to forget is that obviously me and the kids love you a lot.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 1167, 1551], "asr": "I kind of, I didn't want to go into further details of like all the back and forth that we were doing. And, you know, I think our, I told them that like our emotions got the best of us, for sure.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 1551, 1935], "asr": "Anger also got the best of us. So that's pretty much how I run it down. Yeah, and I always say that I feel like it didn't have to go the way it went. And it shouldn't have went that way.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 4276, 4660], "asr": "I saw a little black dog and it instantly reminded me of her. And then I was like, oh, Jessie. And then I turned around and I was like, oh, that doesn't look like Jessie. But for sure, yeah.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 4660, 5044], "asr": "Even like emotionally, it's been hard, still is. Because I'm not gonna act like I don't think about you till this day.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 5346, 5730], "asr": "We haven't, our relationship wasn't bad. So, yeah. When I still be like, I still love you and all that stuff. So for sure, like emotions and not being around you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 7402, 7786], "asr": "It's a tough one. It is a tough one because we have a lot of memories together. Um, okay. I want to say DR. Why? Why? Because that's when you proposed. But that kind of left a bad taste in my mind.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 7786, 8170], "asr": "I was like, I don't want nobody proposing on my birthday no more. That's how I'm going to remember my birthday. But I want to say DR because it was our first time traveling together. Like, we literally, it wasn't like us taking separate flights or anything like that. Like, we literally, We literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we literally, we", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 8395, 8779], "asr": "But definitely DR, especially like the first time we went there and we were walking on the beach. I was super romantic. Dinner was romantic. Even though it was hot. I was irritated, but I was hot and hungry, but we still like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 11948, 12332], "asr": "No, no, I know it's not, but it's the way like it was so random because the night before I deleted your number. Oh wow. The night before I just got fed up and I deleted your number and then I was at work and then you texted me and of course I know your number by heart. So I knew.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 12857, 13241], "asr": "thing but I just didn't know what to say because it was just it was like out of the blue and I can't really tell your emotions through texting or whatever the case may be being that we don't really talk so I hope you", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 22886, 23270], "asr": "I feel like because we were like at the time when we were just going like having our problems it was like I said it was just so emotional that we weren't here. We had no understanding which is understandable because we were going through our emotions and also no matter.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 23270, 23654], "asr": "What's going on at the time, to still remember that I'm in a relationship and not that I can't put myself first or whatever the case may be, but the selfishness at the time was wrong.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 28118, 28502], "asr": "It's none of that outside stuff. I don't care about none of that shit. No, that's social media shit. I don't care. If this were to be our last conversation, what's something you would never want me to forget?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 1446, 1830], "asr": "vulnerable time. And I felt bad and I learned that that's how I love you more because you're a, I'm telling you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 4731, 5115], "asr": "I think I'm going to answer that as well. People just see or have watched what we spoke on, on the questions that were given to us. However, we went through a...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 5115, 5499], "asr": "a time that this couple of years we wasn't together for 18 months and they will never understand even our close friends and family members do not understand how can we", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 5499, 5883], "asr": "We hurt each other so much and still be where we are now. And they shouldn't understand. They should learn. And I think, you know, we watch people all the time, and different couples, different marriages.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 5883, 6267], "asr": "We have plenty of friends that have beautiful marriages, some marriages on the rocks and they're trying. Some people are single, some people are still, you know, going out there, hanging out with...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 6267, 6651], "asr": "whoever and you know they learn from us. We learn from them. What is bothering them and maybe if it's something that maybe bothers my son, bothers you, my nephew, my niece.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 8273, 8657], "asr": "What is the point of bringing things up? Like, is that gonna heal anything? No, it actually throws salt on the wounds, if we have any, and you don't let them heal. So, I mean, it is hard not to talk about certain things.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 8657, 9041], "asr": "but I think I'm letting it just go in the back, throw it back, just don't talk about it. Because it's not necessary, it's not important, you know? You give the things that hurt your importance.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 21298, 21682], "asr": "You cannot just erase or delete a marriage or relationship just because things are not going right or, you know, he's not doing what he's supposed to do. I learned.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 21682, 22066], "asr": "that the way I wanted you to love me or to respect me or to care for me, I had to do that for myself. I cannot have you in my life to feel complete.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 22066, 22450], "asr": "I have to be complete for myself so I can be the best for you, for our son, for our family members, our daughter. You know, if I'm not good...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 20469, 20853], "asr": "I know, but that was really intense. I don't think I've really had to think about that. But it's selfish for me to think about what I learned from it when I can't imagine.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 25025, 25409], "asr": "that you are externally and mentally, emotionally, you're just, there's no one like you. And whoever put that doubt in there.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Cusa1_4R_QI", 12846, 13230], "asr": "And I'm like, I was like, I want you to think about, so I was like, do you have children? He was like, yeah, so I got five. I'm like, okay, so I want you to think about this. Could you imagine what would happen if right after your wife gave birth to your baby, they cut it out of her and.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Cusa1_4R_QI", 13230, 13614], "asr": "it to an alligator. Oh, well, that's horrible. It's like that happened. Babies were cut out of their mother's wombs after their vaginas were cut out while they were being hung.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Cusa1_4R_QI", 15201, 15585], "asr": "all of what it is like Thomas Jefferson and I have a fair with Sally Hemmings he was raping her. Show me something around your around you right now that would help me better understand your current state of mind so show me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 7717, 8101], "asr": "No, you are right, but I think it's more because of my age, and that's a stupid thing, but it's true, that people around me are expecting things, and I'm like, if you're not,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 8835, 9219], "asr": "It's like you're like, you're starting at the bottom of a hill and you have to hike more. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Maybe that's how it works, but I don't know. Yeah. And that's why I don't want to dig.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 11900, 12284], "asr": "Well, I think you're the relaxed vibe you have. That's why maybe that's why I'm open, you know, because I feel it doesn't feel like you're on the other side of the world. And I know that you are. So maybe that's easier to tell.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 12284, 12668], "asr": "But you feel like a really nice person to talk to and maybe you have some first impressions and opinions but I don't feel, yeah, I don't care.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 17176, 17560], "asr": "That's what I miss because normally I am the one who do it. And I also want to feel like a little girl sometimes, you know? But that's, yeah, that's not always possible. I'm not a fucking mom.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 18095, 18479], "asr": "but we hear all the American people are so, too much, you know? And I know that they're not because I've been to America a few times. So it's, I know, but that's, maybe that's difficult.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 18479, 18863], "asr": "that you are a guy I can talk to because you also have a little bit of that American vibe because you are from there and you have friends like that it's normal and here if you talk to a", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 22547, 22931], "asr": "And then it feels good to give them some learnings and your confidence is growing because you know that you're always the better one and that you're the things that you're doing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 22931, 23315], "asr": "How do you say that? The mistake you have or it's another word for it. It feels less because, yeah, I don't know. I've been trying to get rid of that judgment of I'm better.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 24043, 24427], "asr": "Maybe because that's your most confident way of treating people and talk to people because then you can show whatever you want from yourself whenever.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 27274, 27658], "asr": "Yeah, and when we would meet in a bar in an hour, we could sit there for the whole evening, drinking wines or whatever. That would be very fun. But I know that I was...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 7534, 7918], "asr": "And along the way you had so much difficulty even getting here. You were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan and you nearly died. Yep. And then when you arrived here...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 8101, 8485], "asr": "and you built a family. You had to start your own business. Then you sponsored your family here and you navigated a paperwork system in an entirely new language. You built your business up so that business is going to be better.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 19523, 19907], "asr": "and you can eat your French mung mee. That was the first thing that you asked for when you came out of the anesthesia from your heart surgery. You said mung mee.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 27404, 27788], "asr": "making decisions and then working hard at it until I achieve what I need to achieve. But I think that determination comes from you as well because yeah you've achieved what you've done.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 887, 1271], "asr": "thinking that you were too cool to hang out with me, but you finished the song and you saw me and you were like Oh my god. I am so glad you're here I have something that I need to show you like you're gonna love this and you pulled me into the bathroom And you showed me your tattoo", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 12860, 13244], "asr": "You're in a position as a survivor where You're trying to get someone you're trying to convince someone that you're telling the truth Yeah, which is I mean that's the worst that's the worst", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 19133, 19517], "asr": "if you don't explore. Because I think you're really scared. It's always going to be scary, and it's about learning to trust again. And I wish I could.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 24751, 25135], "asr": "I mean, I think it would be great if we could live in the same city again. I think that would be lovely. I think that there are more opportunities in New York. So I'm just saying, maybe you'll be here. But I mean, in terms of a friendship, and we were talking about it at the beginning of this conversation,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 8769, 9153], "asr": "And that's not, so let me back up. When I first met you, I had just turned 21 and I was like ready to have 10 billion Benjamin babies like right out of the gate. I'm like this is going to be my trap him method. I'll have all of his children.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 9509, 9893], "asr": "And then I started to really unfold as my own woman. And the timing of that, I think, paralleled a lot.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 9893, 10277], "asr": "really paralleled the beginning of our relationship. You celebrated these aspects of myself I hadn't claimed yet and I hadn't really looked at and you were really adamant about how special children", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 10277, 10661], "asr": "children was going to be it was going to be and ho going to be and gave me t okay, you know, like this in our lives where we can", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 10661, 11045], "asr": "bring it about gracefully. And I knew I wanted to have kids. And I knew I wanted to have kids with you more than anyone else in the entire world. Having your children was something that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 11045, 11429], "asr": "was incredibly exciting and fulfilling. That child being the child of us and then it was that child being her, being Naya, and falling in love with who she was, not just what she was, which was your daughter, but who she was.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 11429, 11813], "asr": "And that was a really amazing unfolding. And it's happening again with number two. You're telling me, hey, there could be really something special in having to dis-sibling dynamic these things. I know you're better at flexing that muscle than I am. And so I'm...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 12210, 12594], "asr": "and so much service of my body and my time. It's really scary thinking about doing it again. But I know that we can do it and I know that you're seeing something again that I'm not seeing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 20126, 20510], "asr": "If only it was that simple. It's so sweet. And that's the thing I just can't anticipate is getting to watch this sibling dynamic unfold. That feels like such an area of newness.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 20510, 20894], "asr": "you know and of course like you know raising another child with you and having another little being in this world that we can give you know hopefully a", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 22585, 22969], "asr": "and I was on because he was inconsolable and I remember just you know holding him in the middle of the night and it's completely dark and we're just both", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 23891, 24275], "asr": "I'm here with you. I'm here. I love you. Mama loves you. Mama's here.\" And we just, you know, we got through night after night. And just that sweet moment of just feeling so fully this", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 1888, 2272], "asr": "rumors, I was the second black person over there. So I'm already coming into this area on defense. And so when you you immediately I feel we gravitate", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 3840, 4224], "asr": "I do believe you meet people and you experience things all for a reason. I definitely believe that you and I met for a reason. Maybe that's it, just for you to change my mind and change my perspective.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 4251, 4635], "asr": "someone else and so on and so on and so on. Because if I'm being completely honest, had we not worked together, who knows if I would have ever met you or met someone like you, if I might.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 9375, 9759], "asr": "to Google or research on your own. And I'm a firm believer in, you know, don't, and I'm guilty of this too, don't depend on what we see on social media or what someone tells us or shows us. We need to educate ourselves.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 9759, 10143], "asr": "because, you know, their perspective can be skewed. And you and I have talked about politics and race in the past before via physical, I mean, face-to-face conversation or via text.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 10202, 10586], "asr": "posted it on your social media, I don't think I've ever seen you post anything racially regarding race, what was happening. That really said a lot to me. I really love seeing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 16353, 16737], "asr": "What made you post about the George Floyd situation? What made you actually take to your social media and post it?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 20671, 21055], "asr": "You are something inside you has awakened. And I feel you're on this path. You're growing. And I feel like I'm a part of that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 22960, 23344], "asr": "but I also don't want to continuously be in a negative spiral. I can't. There's no way I would be able to survive it, I don't think. So, yeah.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 23559, 23943], "asr": "struggle with what can I do? Am I doing enough? Because I'm not the type that I shy away from the front line or being in the public's eye. But I have been signing petitions. I have been", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 699, 1083], "asr": "Yeah, a little bit. I don't know. It was...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 5672, 6056], "asr": "once I've already decided that I'm against something or that I don't believe in something, like it's hard to unlock that door. Once I'm like, hey, there's no God, that's it. I just, it's hard to.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 11029, 11413], "asr": "humility to ask for help even when it's really hard and to help others do the same like if I see someone's", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 11460, 11844], "asr": "on it in a really loving and gentle way to just like offer up, cause I'm still really selfish, just to offer up my time to someone. Like if you, if someone were to ask me,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 14739, 15123], "asr": "Um, I think just how proud I am to be your daughter. Um, yeah, I don't think.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 15123, 15507], "asr": "I think kids say that to their parents a lot. Like how proud they are of their parents. But I'm like super proud of you. Like how much you've grown. You used to be kind of...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 16190, 16574], "asr": "Yeah, you're just so much more open than you used to be. Yeah, so just I'm really proud of you. I love you. What do you think life is teaching me right now?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 17917, 18301], "asr": "would make it so that you got clean before your dad died and like got to make amends to him. When you", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 22872, 23256], "asr": "and to not try and fix it because you love me. I feel like I feel guilty for how much you love me. That's what it feels like, because there's just so much.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Q0u2BSEimEo", 6812, 7196], "asr": "A few years back, and I've like have never forgotten it because it just like stuck out to me. And you said that it's hard for you to be in a room.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Q0u2BSEimEo", 12327, 12711], "asr": "And there was this one horse that I liked in particular. It was like a black and gray horse. And the friend let me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Q0u2BSEimEo", 12711, 13095], "asr": "ride the horse without a saddle. So I was just like holding onto the horse's mane while my dad was holding onto the horse's mane and like running next to me. And like as a kid, it was like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Q0u2BSEimEo", 13095, 13479], "asr": "really like freeing and like my lungs felt like they were wide open, my diaphragm felt like it was wide open and I was getting all that fresh air that I possibly could all at once.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Q0u2BSEimEo", 13479, 13863], "asr": "like running through this giant, giant field on this horse. And that's what it feels like. But also the horse.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Q0u2BSEimEo", 15476, 15860], "asr": "I feel like I've gotten better from this time last year. But I think the worst part about it is I know that I've physically gotten better.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Q0u2BSEimEo", 17801, 18185], "asr": "You know, before it was like a serious relationship, but now it's like a serious established relationship. And I'm actually like planning my moves to include you and be inclusive of what your plans are too.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Q0u2BSEimEo", 23897, 24281], "asr": "I feel like I can love you more openly and freely and like with all of my effort, not effort, but like all of my self. And I'm not constantly like thinking.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Q0u2BSEimEo", 24281, 24665], "asr": "Am I making a mistake? Am I doing too much? Now I could be so angry at you, so angry at you, but I'm fine, you know?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 5629, 6013], "asr": "When I was having the issue with racism at the other school and you took it up with the board and everybody and you got really mad and you went and talked to a lot of people.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 6156, 6540], "asr": "Very close with who his family can't do that and they're afraid to do that because they don't have the same skin color that you do and they won't know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 6809, 7193], "asr": "I feel bad because I really care about him and I didn't I don't like the things that happened to him that he doesn't talk about or that he goes on to tell me later.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 9134, 9518], "asr": "I think so, but people sometimes act like I don't fit in because I don't sound like them or really act the way they want me to act.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 11109, 11493], "asr": "disappear kind of or that I want to change what I look like so that people don't have to ask that question because when they ask that question they want to know what's your reason and where, not why, where.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 15138, 15522], "asr": "It doesn't get worse, but it doesn't get better. And that you always have to keep your head up high and you have to keep doing what you're doing and enjoy yourself while you can.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 19381, 19765], "asr": "It just feels like something that I can come to whenever I need it that will keep me warm and make me feel safe no matter what happens.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 1411, 1795], "asr": "Because I think like around the time when you had the Mars, like that's when I feel like we were like the closest Because like we were always like, I'm about to cry already, like we were always like go out and like literally almost every Saturday We were like at the mall. We were like always always always like me and you so that's", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 4329, 4713], "asr": "that's not my way. And a lot of times like, I don't want to say, well no, a lot of times I am kind of like standoffish because I don't like to be combated that way, especially when it's like something, when it's like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 20279, 20663], "asr": "Two weeks, I gotta, like all of this stuff, and it's just like, I think that once the moment came for me to grow up and like really like, not even the moment, cause there's no particular moment, but once that time came for me to like really like grow up and like get it down, I don't think I.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 2645, 3029], "asr": "Yeah, but even more like on a serious note, I mean I think you at this point now are looking in the mirror now and are seeing the person that you are.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 3029, 3413], "asr": "Imagine your whole life and like we talked about that like when you first started T when you first got top surgery And I think that really hit me hard because I was like wow Yeah, looking in the mirror and seeing that person and like now it's happening and now", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 3413, 3797], "asr": "your body is made and built the way you wanted it to be because you did that. I think it's like really, really sexy, yeah, and really powerful.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 6135, 6519], "asr": "dealing with it, conquering it, trying to navigate it because I think it's especially because of the online aspect between us, like social media.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 6519, 6903], "asr": "How many people are telling us first that we have it figured out, second that we seem so secure about what we're doing, and I think that second one is really scary to me because I'm like, wow.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 6903, 7287], "asr": "Is it harmful that people think that I have it all figured out and that I feel really secure about myself when like I've sometimes Some days like feel so fucking insecure about myself and it's like scary", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 7287, 7671], "asr": "Because I'm like, yeah so I Think that's something that you're teaching me to like uplift myself and like hold myself and act more tender to myself", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 11987, 12371], "asr": "much faster and I think that like that disconnect was so weird for me but yeah like now I'm like when people I mean like in both of our DMs", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["G6tLY8FiheE", 20728, 21112], "asr": "And I think telling him, and I wrote him a letter, but then I also sent him an email. I think telling him, I felt very vulnerable in that moment, like telling him how I felt.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["VSdVKQhnD9s", 12035, 12419], "asr": "I think that my favorite thing is to watch you have a conversation passionately with somebody else and the way that you stand when you're thinking about something and you're about to make a decision.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["VSdVKQhnD9s", 18938, 19322], "asr": "As a kid, it was like really like freeing and like my lungs felt like they were wide open. My diaphragm felt like it was wide open and I was getting all this.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 4450, 4834], "asr": "we won't have that need as much. Even though I'd be like, oh, I miss you, probably. But it's like, we never had it. Or it could be bad. And we could.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 13934, 14318], "asr": "I don't think yours would be much different. I don't think so. I don't think so. Because when I met you, you still have the same passions and stuff. If we're talking about life, I feel like you would definitely...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 14853, 15237], "asr": "to certain experiences. Definitely. How many times you've visited California. Yeah. In that aspect, yeah. I think so too. I don't know. I can't even.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 16031, 16415], "asr": "I mean, we were young, so like I... I was actually thinking about this earlier, like... I don't even think I ever thought, like, am I ready to be in a relationship? We just... That's a big one, too. We just winning it. Like... Have you ever thought about that or not?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 17184, 17568], "asr": "Yeah, so I think I would say that like, girl you're young, you know, you're gonna grow together like you're in the growing stage. Like you're always growing, but like when we get more into our older 20s, like we kind of have a set.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 17568, 17952], "asr": "what we know we want from people and what we don't want from people and like the energies we want us around you know and when we're younger we just kind of accept a lot of things for what they are and just kind of move you know without thinking so", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 20298, 20682], "asr": "I think we mentioned that we would like for our relationship to both grow individually but together. Yeah, like our own pursuits and stuff. Yes. But for me, definitely like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 20694, 21078], "asr": "spending more time with each other physically and getting more experiences together because like even when we went camping like you see like how certain situations like I react to and just knowing like how we are and like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 21078, 21462], "asr": "life and stuff because we're not with each other day to day. I think maybe possibly thinking about one of us moving somewhere. Maybe down the couple maybe a couple years.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 23329, 23713], "asr": "Just taking everything that you are, like the whole, like your whole identity and like everything that's affected you in your life and just accept it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 4476, 4860], "asr": "I think there have been times when you have told me something later and I thought I had no idea that was going on in your head and you have not told me in the moments because I know we've had those conversations where you go, that you'll say", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 15325, 15709], "asr": "That was not an issue for me. There wasn't a big question about that for me. But it's been a challenge probably later on as everyone's grown up a little bit more to sort of negotiate that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ktR3_bXoxaE", 8084, 8468], "asr": "it bothered me. And those feelings...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ktR3_bXoxaE", 13670, 14054], "asr": "What comes to mind is as we built our foundation long distance, obviously we did a lot of talking and getting", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ktR3_bXoxaE", 14140, 14524], "asr": "I think when I shared with you something I experienced as a kid when I was babysitting, and the way you responded was so not what I expected.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ktR3_bXoxaE", 14524, 14908], "asr": "non-judgmental and very like comforting and I was like wow like if I could tell you that and you respond the way you did and it doesn't change the way you feel about me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 461, 845], "asr": "I just get so incredibly happy because I really thought that I really started to question whether or not I was actually going to get married. I knew", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 845, 1229], "asr": "that people wanted to marry me, but I knew that those prospects would not end in a happy marriage. And I've just never in my life been so happy.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 1799, 2183], "asr": "You just are the love of my life. I blurted it out that one time randomly and I just, there's nothing else but just pure joy that I've never in my life experienced ever, you know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 3192, 3576], "asr": "It's pretty dope that like I wake up and I roll over and I see you and it's just, it's every day it's just this intense excitement when I wake up. And again that's something else I've never experienced before.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 7238, 7622], "asr": "I'm tearing up because these aren't my experiences, but I wish a lot of adults were kinder to you as a child. You were, you sound like a really sweet kid.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 8323, 8707], "asr": "That's why I am a little like hard on you when you get hard on yourself because honey I need you here. And I don't want you to do anything.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 9829, 10213], "asr": "you're entitled to joy, you know, and I see how you still struggle in general, especially how people treated you as a child. And I see how", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 10213, 10597], "asr": "how you've grown so much in the past three years. I've seen how much you just, you're such an advocate for these issues. Even if you don't know exactly how to plant your feet on the ground, you know, you're not gonna be able to.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 10689, 11073], "asr": "You know? And it is definitely something I still worry about in the back of my head that I don't necessarily talk about as much because I don't want to trigger anything. But you made a promise to me. I did.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 17350, 17734], "asr": "I think there is this, I think we still unfortunately live in a society where people are, I don't want to say intimidated because I feel like that's a very superficial way to describe the complexities of people's feelings, insecure feelings about smart women.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 17995, 18379], "asr": "and to share that with someone. Because I've had numerous situations with previous partners and friends who it's like, oh wow, so it's actually, it's a turn off to be smart. Nope, not for me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 22294, 22678], "asr": "Like you're just I don't know there's so many reasons why there's not there's not a reason to not get married Yeah, and I almost feel pressure when people ask me that question like I have to have like this poetic like yeah", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 8540, 8924], "asr": "I hate when people worry about me. That's like my biggest thing. That's why I didn't really tell you or Dad or anybody really about like the bullying or the disorder or the drug use or any of that because I like to think that I can", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 8924, 9308], "asr": "I can do it on my own and I don't like to put my burden on other people. So like right now the pain that you're feeling with like me being in treatment, me having to go through like addiction and recovery and having to go through all of that, I just wish I could just like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 9308, 9692], "asr": "You don't have to worry about me. I'm going to be fine. I'll deal with it on my own. You don't need to worry. And I think that's probably the pain that I'd want to take away. It's just like your constant worry. Because I'm sure it's pretty. It's pretty.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 9692, 10076], "asr": "hard to just be like every day, oh she could be doing this, she could be doing that, who knows if she's okay, what if she's gonna run away today, what if she's gonna use, and then having to deal with the consequences of that. So, I just wish I could fix that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 11172, 11556], "asr": "I guess like the burden of, I don't want to say the burden, but like just like the the weight of like trying to protect dad and like the responsibility of like obviously trying to protect my dad.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 11556, 11940], "asr": "to care for his addiction, not care for his addiction, but like care for him in his addiction. And like sometimes I feel like we carry that responsibility on ourselves when it's like we can't do that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 11940, 12324], "asr": "a grown man and obviously like families everything to us like yeah like we're Hispanic. That's who we are like we're family like families everything to us but I think we we have lived", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 12685, 13069], "asr": "we do need to let go of that. And it's so hard to, it's honestly so hard to care for someone that has a mental illness and that has struggled with addiction. But like we've all been through it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 13069, 13453], "asr": "where it almost feels like we have that, that like no matter what, like we have that co-dependence, if that makes sense. That, I don't know, like we're almost like, our whole family's co-dependent and we have to, like, be like,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 5115, 5499], "asr": "What disappointed me the most is when you told me that you will never lie to me again. And you never told me you were lying.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 9249, 9633], "asr": "I mean it's nice, it's been good. I think we were able to talk about things that whenever we touched while we were alone together. So it was a great therapy session. It was so positive.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 15924, 16308], "asr": "You cannot just erase or delete a marriage or relationship just because things are not going right or, you know, he's not doing what he's supposed to do. I learned.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 16308, 16692], "asr": "that the way I wanted you to love me or to respect me or to care for me, I had to do that for myself. I cannot have you in my life to feel complete.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 16692, 17076], "asr": "I have to be complete for myself so I can be the best for you, for our son, for our family members, our daughter. You know, if I'm not good...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 22079, 22463], "asr": "with the water crashing and relaxed. It just feels so relaxing and happy and fulfilled for some reason.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zS-xXIiLrWw", 10300, 10684], "asr": "When you're like trans or when you're queer, I feel like a lot of times people want you to like be so firm about everything you believe, right? So it's like cut and dry like I want to have this surgery, I want to do this, this is what I want to look like. Like even one of my doctors", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zS-xXIiLrWw", 17660, 18044], "asr": "But yeah. Is that me? It's us, mama. Oh, can I please pick a cart? Can I please pick a cart? Let me pick a cart. Let me free.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 8098, 8482], "asr": "It makes me feel like more angry and disgusted. I feel let down. I feel like you can't call me a hero because I'm not.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 8482, 8866], "asr": "Because this morning when we were texting in that group chat, I was like, do I need to quit my job? Because I want to help.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 9383, 9767], "asr": "I know I mean I know it didn't they reassure me because I've been on isolation since we first opened and they weren't even home yet but um They reassure me or I don't know. I don't know but they tell me that he had that cough when he was in the Philippines, so", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 9767, 10151], "asr": "Right. You know, but I can't be sure. And I don't want to be the reason why anything happens to them. I don't know if I could live with myself. Right. Well, I get it. But going to work, the...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 13723, 14107], "asr": "How, where do you find your faith in all this? Do you find, cause both of us, you know, we go to church on the holidays and special occasions, right? I'm not really religious, but do you find yourself?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 14107, 14491], "asr": "looking for that or looking towards that a little bit more during this time or you know if it's if you want to say God or the universe I'll say God because we grew up Catholic", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 16355, 16739], "asr": "all that stuff. But honestly, I've been looking for signs. And it might not be God directly, but my guardian angel, as you know, Kuya.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 16796, 17180], "asr": "whole thing first started. I needed a new ID band, a badge, because mine was like about to rip apart. So I went to the gift shop at work and the first", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 19206, 19590], "asr": "You are more important and your position is more important than you give yourself credit for. In general, in life, in work, all of it. Because right now in this whole", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 19590, 19974], "asr": "pandemic thing. I know you keep saying you don't consider yourself as part of the front line, but you volunteered to work in the COVID unit. Whether or not you were providing that hands-on care, you were", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 20023, 20407], "asr": "You're important. Give yourself freaking credit, okay? In life, same thing. Like you don't give yourself enough credit for everything that you've been through, everything that you do, everything you have to offer.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 3339, 3723], "asr": "thankfully but yeah it's I don't know I feel like it's a bad situation but it's also kind of like when you're here and you're leaving it like in first person it's like it's so surreal", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 4075, 4459], "asr": "me to ask you. I can't really feel, like I can really think of something I wouldn't want to talk about right now. Like I'm pretty, I'm pretty emotional and I'm", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 4459, 4843], "asr": "pretty in contact with my emotions. So in that field, like I, I think I could talk about anything. But actually, if I have to be like a hundred percent honest, like a hundred percent", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 4843, 5227], "asr": "and honest. First thing that came into my mind and it's like it's not really an important thing or so deep but it's like my way maybe. Okay. So like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 7756, 8140], "asr": "most important to me. So like the one that I really feel the most, even though it's kind of deep. So yeah. So I", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 8558, 8942], "asr": "other two friends we were closer to her and so we went there like for her birthday and then there was this other time that we were supposed to go there", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 8942, 9326], "asr": "to meet her and to say hi and stuff and spend some time with her. But I felt sick, I don't know, I was not feeling well and I was ill.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 9326, 9710], "asr": "so I stayed at home and my two other friends went and yeah so and that was the last time that we like had the chance to see her so that like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 12864, 13248], "asr": "are living the same thing and kind of in the same way. Yeah. Like we're in this situation that can make us feel kind of...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 13248, 13632], "asr": "we're sometimes kind of bad because like we're not used to it and even though we like live so apart from each other we like there's someone else out there that is feeling the same thing so yeah maybe that", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 14595, 14979], "asr": "Yeah, it was so good in these days of, you know, I don't even know what time is it anymore. I'm just not used to being at home for this whole time.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 3031, 3415], "asr": "Check it. A lot of rain, a lot of thunder, a lot of wind. You decided by some strange miracle to go out alone as well in this stormy night, but you just wanted to go out. I think we both had a sense of like a FOMO.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 4064, 4448], "asr": "But that's I'm sure that's what it was so he left mysteriously. He's like I'll be back in what 20 30 minutes and during that time You were just sort of just waiting around and that he was kind of like not showing up It was taking a while and you sat next to me", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 6061, 6445], "asr": "I never have thought about leaving you, not for one second, and I never will leave you. And I know that for a fact. And I couldn't say that even in the first week of dating girls that I was madly in love with in my past. So you got me for life.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 9529, 9913], "asr": "No, it's not that I'm afraid you'll see me differently. I'm afraid that they're so dark that like, I don't want you to be, to suffer them. Like they're so terrible that if I bring them out, it's like I'm bringing like demons into you. It's, it's...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 11480, 11864], "asr": "It's incredible. Like just when I'm having those those distant thoughts, you're like, so you want to talk about something? I'm like, damn it. Yeah, get away with anything here. And I know I have a real secret weapon much", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 13708, 14092], "asr": "I would tell myself to not ever for one minute take you for granted because I have at times and I regret that. It's not a big enough table to flip.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 17900, 18284], "asr": "I know, that's the problem. You want a little me, I want a little you. Idealistically, I do want us to experience that. I know we're going to have to go through some... a lot of mental work to get to that place. Yeah.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 19258, 19642], "asr": "It feels like I have a superpower. It feels like you give me\u2026whenever there is hardship, whenever I'm down, whenever things don't seem exactly the way they are.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 19868, 20252], "asr": "Yeah, it feels truly like a superpower. I feel like you energize me no matter how down I am and no matter how crappy I feel about myself. There's this perpetual, I'm constantly plugged in to the outlet.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 1274, 1658], "asr": "It was the first time I noticed that you liked me was when I went on my solo trip to Maryland and you were saying, oh, the house isn't clean. And I'm like, is this your way of saying that?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 7891, 8275], "asr": "When am I most jealous? Well before Pam came along, I was jealous when you... I accepted it, but I was jealous when you were with other... Like even on dates or something.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 9722, 10106], "asr": "I wouldn't. I feel like if we get to a point where I feel like I want to be with someone else, our relationship is at a point where there's no repair, you know?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 10675, 11059], "asr": "the people that do, but I feel like that's a huge disrespect to one, a, yourself. And I feel like I always try to protect my image. I always had that in me. Um, I feel like that's a huge disrespect.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 12082, 12466], "asr": "touch family and you know how much I value my family. So if you purposely brought something up to them and I wasn't ready, I think that would ruin things because I would lose trust in you. I feel like stuff like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 12466, 12850], "asr": "You know what, you always joke about it, like, oh, we're always going to have a whole bunch of girls. Like, I can never feel... Pam, that was something that inside of me I really wanted to, you know? Or I wanted to experience that as well.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 12850, 13234], "asr": "So that's what I wanted more privately versus where it's like if you really wanted to have a whole bunch of girlfriends, I don't think I could do that. Like I would cross like no, you know, like I tell you all the time, like you could continue exploring yourself.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 16694, 17078], "asr": "I would say, oh, it's not stuff that I've sacrificed. It's just like, I'd say I sacrificed a regular relationship, like people, like the normal relationship. But that's, it turned out.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 17078, 17462], "asr": "to something better, you know? Um, like, I'm, there's, we're not a regular couple. Like, I don't expect you to like, oh my god, marry me, you know? Like, stuff that I thought, I, like,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 18581, 18965], "asr": "So, I mean, yeah, I think if it's a sacrifice that I think you acknowledge all of them, like you know that I would never have explored like Polly or S3 Sons or girls or in general.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 21313, 21697], "asr": "you because from the very first day you've been so honest with me, minus a few things, but we talked about that later, but you've been so honest and so true and I think that's hard to find. And people ask. And I'm like, oh, I'm not going to be able to find that. And I'm like, oh, I'm not going to be able to find that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 21697, 22081], "asr": "me all the time like how do you do it because they could never like and they just don't see like how loyal and how like I feel so safe and like you're always like like I grow so much.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 22081, 22465], "asr": "with you and I feel like I'm a better woman by your side. I just feel so loved and cared for and you have a weird way to show it but I love it like you care about the things I care about you care that I care for", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 4525, 4909], "asr": "like in the beginning of our relationship when we're like talking about marriage, right? To me I was like, if someone gives me like a good reason as to like why we shouldn't get married, you know, maybe I'll think about it, right? Or like maybe that we're not compatible or like some sort of that, you know what I mean?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 8845, 9229], "asr": "Right? Like, I don't know. Yeah, I think it's your walk. You should walk around more. No, I did. Alright.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 16747, 17131], "asr": "Love for me brings me peace. Like loving you isn't like the tsunami of feelings. It's like a calm, gentle river. It's just so peaceful.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 17131, 17515], "asr": "Like my heart is at peace, it's not searching for anything else. It's not beating so fast, it's not like dying either. It's just so peaceful, it's just so easy to love you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 21422, 21806], "asr": "conversations we had in the beginning. Because you and I both believe in soulmates, you know? That we're joined together. So if I'm gone, it doesn't mean I'm gone. They still have an eternity.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 21806, 22190], "asr": "together. You just have to wait for it. Wait to meet me there. And that I love you so much and that I'll be willing to do anything. And I think I proved that to you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 3706, 4090], "asr": "I mean, you know, what you said, like, I never thought also that I'd have to self-quarantine myself. Self-quarantine myself. I never thought I'd have to self-quarantine.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 5022, 5406], "asr": "I think we'd be a lot closer, for sure. I mean, not closer, but it would be, we would be a lot more intimate.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 16589, 16973], "asr": "when I found out that I had to be self-quarantined. Because yeah, you said I don't really care. Last time I cried was our anniv also. But other than that, I don't really cry that much. So.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 17436, 17820], "asr": "And I was really trying to hold it there. I was drinking water, trying to not show that I was crying, but I ended up crying. I learned that I don't...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kB9-iSDLlbY", 19365, 19749], "asr": "I'm so sorry. And the next time I am too. I mean, I think that's what we should be doing. Yeah, I feel like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 4964, 5348], "asr": "I...well okay, one thing definitely I guess it's pretty important is my family is very interesting. They're kind of crazy. They are not the most supportive people in the world, but I think they're very supportive.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 5348, 5732], "asr": "I still love them to death, even though they drive me absolutely nuts, like, up a wall. I come from this culture that's pretty homophobic and kind of, like, racist, and they're very more so saying, like, you know, you know, you're not going to be able to do anything with your life. You're going to be able to do something with your life. You're going to be able to do something with your life. You're going to be able to do something with your life. You're going to be able to do something with your life. You're going to be able to do something with your life. You're going to be able to do something with your life. You're going to be able to do something with your life. You're going to be able to do something with your life. You're going to be able to do something with your life. You're going to be able to do something with", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 6539, 6923], "asr": "It's kind of like my way of trying to tell them but then not necessarily be serious about it. And then when I do wanna have serious conversations, they're like, are you joking around? I'm like, no, I'm being serious. I'm being serious, but I always like to.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 11704, 12088], "asr": "I like that you said comfortable because when I think of like being intimate, my past experiences of being with, being intimate with other people, I've kind of like forced myself to be like, okay, you're comfortable, this is cool, like you're...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 13658, 14042], "asr": "The last fling, maybe I'm a little overwhelming in the sense that like, if you kind of need your space, I will try and give you the space, but then I'm kind of like, are you okay?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 14085, 14469], "asr": "I'm like, are you okay? How are you feeling? I can be a little bit overwhelming and maybe a little bit too much and The reason why that happens with me is kind of like I like the person I like them and I'm just like I get excited and I get like happy and", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 16018, 16402], "asr": "and you could have done a little bit less of that and a little bit more of this. So it's hard to get into that mind space, but definitely working on it. And as far as those last flings go, I've,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 19507, 19891], "asr": "I just met you, but I feel like people need to hear it more often. Like, I know I need to hear it, so I'm kind of like, I'm going to tell people I'm proud of them. If I feel like it's something that they need to be proud of, I'm going to say it because you should be proud of it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 2126, 2510], "asr": "know, you know, you fully acknowledge, understand my point of view. And I think to an extent you probably share it a little bit, right? Yeah.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 2821, 3205], "asr": "articulate what I'm trying to say so well on your own, but not like act in accordance, you know? And veganism is a big part of my life, like a really big part. So...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 5173, 5557], "asr": "I don't know. It's definitely my eating behaviors and my... What's the word? Self-image. Relations regarding my self-image.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 5557, 5941], "asr": "probably the most difficult to talk to you about because you know just like me you look at me and you're in love with me and you love everything about me you find me like great you know as I do you", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 5941, 6325], "asr": "But when you have something in your head and like you're seeing yourself one way and you can't see yourself any other way but that way, it's hard to explain to somebody because just like you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 6515, 6899], "asr": "with like dealing with that every single day it becomes difficult honestly it gives me anxiety to talk to you about because I'm not", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 7578, 7962], "asr": "And I guess I'm also not looking for you to like reassure me. So that's why it's so difficult to talk to you about. Because nobody wins in an argument like that. When you're like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 10018, 10402], "asr": "Yeah, I mean, I definitely feel like I've gotten better from like this time last year. But like, I think the worst part about it is like,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 18235, 18619], "asr": "Yeah. I definitely used to love you very cautiously. You know? I don't know why. It's not like you ever did anything to make me feel this way.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 18619, 19003], "asr": "but I was always afraid to fully let myself love you. Now I'm just like, I don't know, just kicking it back, like riding the wave, you know?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 19003, 19387], "asr": "Just that's it. I feel like I can love you more openly and freely and like with all of my effort, not effort, but like all of my self. And I'm not.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 19433, 19817], "asr": "thinking, am I making a mistake? Am I doing too much? Now I could be so angry at you, so angry at you, but I'm fine, you know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 8269, 8653], "asr": "To be honest, I really think what connects us is true love. I really do. I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I feel like because your love was so strong for me, that's what made me, made me love you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 8653, 9037], "asr": "the way that I do. And so that connection, you know, is there like that. But also a lot of things connect us. The work, the work that it takes.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 9375, 9759], "asr": "There was always something to keep us connected, to draw us together, to keep us talking, to keep us making decisions, to always have to be there for them, always have to do the very, very, very best that we could do even though we were from...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 9759, 10143], "asr": "I deal so. And it would get faint at times, but because we want it to be, stay connected, and because we always wanted to be together, we just, we made it work.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 12084, 12468], "asr": "Yeah, and people don't realize that you can still stay in prison. You know, just because you're behind bars does not mean that you can't, that you have, don't have access to the things that you have on the street, you know. Alcohol, drugs, women, men.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 15516, 15900], "asr": "Well that's part of it too because I feel like they're your daughters and I love you so I have to love them too and that's just the way I've always felt. They're a part of me because they're a part of you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 15900, 16284], "asr": "know, that's real. That's the way I feel like it has to be in a relationship because if you don't, it's just gonna be constant chaos or constant, you know, or just constant confusion, conflict, you know, so I want to love them.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 16284, 16668], "asr": "I want to love them too. And that's just how I feel. I open my heart because I love you, and that's the way I want to feel about them too. And I do. As well as the two, our two, that we have.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 17522, 17906], "asr": "is going to be a lot closer. We had a break because of what we went through being in prison for 40 years, and so that stretched the virus.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 17906, 18290], "asr": "vibration that you know that tore the family some somewhat a lot But what I see in the next five years is that step. That's what I see. I see it. I see it now I see it coming now, especially when it comes to our family, you know", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 18290, 18674], "asr": "people around us are relatives, you know, and I think it's going to make a statement to others. I think it's going to help others, you know, because this has been a really challenging, challenging path that we've been on and I think it's going to be an example for other people.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 18674, 19058], "asr": "A lot of people, you know, I mean, if we can do it, you know, certainly people will use that as motivation, you know, to help bridge gaps between whatever, whether it be a marriage or a marriage.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 19058, 19442], "asr": "with a man, you know, with your partner or your children or other relatives or other people that are or relationships, friends, you know. So it's all encompassing and that's, you know, that's a part of our belief.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 19442, 19826], "asr": "You know that everything is encompassing everything it applies to everything. It's no really no separation in life it's just You know if it applies to us it can apply to children children brothers sisters", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 1882, 2266], "asr": "I say that we're really close. We share all of the same values and we have a lot of similar interests but we're opposite in many, many ways. You're logical. I'm very emotional and guided by my goals.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 2266, 2650], "asr": "gut, you don't really struggle with anything. In terms of mental health, like you're very easygoing and I'm debilitated by a lot of things, although I think I've become much more resilient.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 2756, 3140], "asr": "Yeah, just our temperament is very different. You're shy, quiet, avoid confrontation. I will confront anybody like, it doesn't faze me and I'm very silly, very outgoing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 14429, 14813], "asr": "So this was our last conversation. I think I would want you to never forget how much I love you and how grateful I am.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 14813, 15197], "asr": "for all the sacrifices that you've made when you were little and even now. I would never want you to forget.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 15197, 15581], "asr": "that you've like literally saved my life like so many times. Even in like the last year when like my health has been so bad and I've like genuinely thought about killing myself.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 15581, 15965], "asr": "My relationship with you has always been like this really strong grounding force in my life. And you help me see the good when everything feels really dark. And you help me feel hopeful.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 15965, 16349], "asr": "and believe that there's something better coming and you help me stay curious about the future. And I would just want you to know how grateful I am and that I do recognize all of these things that you've done and I appreciate it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 16349, 16733], "asr": "them so much and I've been trying to do better at like letting you know when you do things and like saying thank you because I don't want you to forget. Thank you. What would you want me to know?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 18012, 18396], "asr": "I think I often get stuck wondering what my life would look like. I mean, I'm still able to do a lot of things. I'm still in school, but I can eat like 10", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 18396, 18780], "asr": "foods. My colon doesn't work. I can't go to the bathroom on my own. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin every single day. I can't even touch things a lot of the time because", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 18780, 19164], "asr": "because of my mast cell disease. Like my life has become very, very small. Yeah, I wish it could be different too. Yeah, it's, I wish it could be different, but I also know that like all the wishing in the world, doesn't work.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 19164, 19548], "asr": "doesn't change things. And so a lot of my work has been finding which ways am I not trapped? Where do I still have freedom? Where do I still have choice? And adding to my pile of good in my life. And you helped me do that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Mr1dUHPpXs4", 10142, 10526], "asr": "Yeah, I would just fill you in. I'd be like, there's a bunch of shit that happened in the past, but whatever, we'll cover that in little pieces, but you love to read sci-fi. You love your fiance. You love to booze. We'd be boozing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Mr1dUHPpXs4", 13669, 14053], "asr": "I think me and you are the most tender or the most sensitive about our relationship to our parents maybe or their relationship and their relationship.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Mr1dUHPpXs4", 14053, 14437], "asr": "or divorce or whatever, just the drama of that. At least for me, that's kind of like my tenderest spot. And I think you have the same spot. And I know that it makes me feel confused and kind of, for me, it's like, I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Mr1dUHPpXs4", 14437, 14821], "asr": "frightened and terrified and I try to hold that in and I try to rationalize it. So I think when I see you kind of react to it or when I see you feel pain over it or scared.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Mr1dUHPpXs4", 18297, 18681], "asr": "You know, you're just like the same little kid inside. I think we all are. And I think I saw him again in that situation and I learned that, you know, you have a love for,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Mr1dUHPpXs4", 20700, 21084], "asr": "Okay. I think I would say the same thing. I wouldn't want you to forget that like, you're like my person, you know what I mean? Like through everything. Like we both love our significant others a lot and that's a different concept.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 641, 1025], "asr": "so nervous because you know Stephen has talked so much about you and entering a relationship and having more relationship or you know knowing him for a week long before meeting you it was really nervous especially because you knew my", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 2369, 2753], "asr": "I feel like people judge us because we're females in a poly relationship. I feel like they think we're just trying to play Steven without taking our feelings into consideration. And that kind of sucks because it's like us both being bisexual or pansexual or whatever is not a good thing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 2753, 3137], "asr": "It's like, it hurts my feelings because it's like, all right, how do you know that this isn't what I want? Why are you taking the man's word? It's like, we're both female, like he talks to us and asks us what we want too, you know? It's not like this is anything we stepped into without knowing what we were doing. So that kind of-", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 5800, 6184], "asr": "The moment I felt like I could trust you was when you finally said, like, fuck my friends, I don't care what they have to say. Like, it used to make me really nervous that, like, they made such a big impact in your life and they didn't agree with our relationship. Because I felt like they would kind of...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 6184, 6568], "asr": "to talk you out of it. So it kind of made me hesitant to be open to you because I was like, oh my god, I don't know if this is what she really wants. Like, does she really love me? Like, is she gay? Like, I don't know. So the moment you were finally like, I don't care about their opinion, I still love them.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 14467, 14851], "asr": "Yeah, you and Steven are a little overwhelming. It's not a bad way. You guys push me, so that's a good thing. It's just that I was always used to doing things, like my controlling side, it's like I need to do the things the way I want.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 14851, 15235], "asr": "how I want when I want to do it. So it was hard to have like not only another person, but like another person in my life, but two people like at once like talking to me. It was a little hard. So at first, like around that time, I thought I was like, I don't know if this is like what I really want.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 15367, 15751], "asr": "to be so vulnerable. But I decided not to because I was like, you know what, like I never had this amount of love like in my life and people that actually cared about me. So I'm like, Oh my God, am I throwing this all the way? Am I stupid? Like, am I just overthinking the situation more just", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 4926, 5310], "asr": "Yeah. One thing that I think that you might not understand is my experience culturally, my experience with my family being raised by an interracial couple and going in and out of the house.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 5839, 6223], "asr": "like my immediate family, it's gonna be a different experience because we were raised in love and acceptance and we were encouraged to be ourselves authentically and all of that because my parents had to fight for the validation of their love alone, you know, but when you visit", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 9828, 10212], "asr": "constantly measured by how manly we were. And it wasn't anything intentional that our parents were doing. It was just kind of like, that's what the world does, you know? So I would definitely consider myself genderqueer, but I also pass by societal standards.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 10525, 10909], "asr": "room. That's what I'm talking about. That's where you've really, you know, your experience is totally educational for me being a part of it, being there. Yeah. And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 19979, 20363], "asr": "The only reason we seem like so much and we seem so mysterious to most is because of what people are trained to perceive as normal. And I think that you are like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AwoeZ34MXOw", 837, 1221], "asr": "They don't realize that they worked in the field. Brutalized. Hours and hours brutalized. And they were called that name. So that name, the N-word is synonymous with pain. With a lot of pain.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AwoeZ34MXOw", 4231, 4615], "asr": "Wow. You know, this place outside there is... I was showing the very place that I had decided that I wanted to become a Bah\u00e1'\u00ed.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AwoeZ34MXOw", 4753, 5137], "asr": "Well, yeah, I didn't announce it. I said to your sister, actually, she was sitting next to me. And I said to her, I would like to be a Baha'i because the spirit was so. Because even though she was sitting there, it was like someone was.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AwoeZ34MXOw", 7126, 7510], "asr": "I've got to tell you that spirit. I've been living in Australia for around 23 years. And then I come back here. The one thing I noticed was people kept saying hi to me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AwoeZ34MXOw", 7621, 8005], "asr": "They're saying, hello, how are you brother? How are you? I'm thinking, why are they saying hi to me? Because I'm not used to it. In a city type life, metropolitan life, and then I got into it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AwoeZ34MXOw", 17109, 17493], "asr": "And this is why I'm thinking, I said to myself, Gary, with whatever little knowledge you have, you have to come back and share that. Look, if for nothing else, my life will be fulfilled.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 4284, 4668], "asr": "constantly changing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 12601, 12985], "asr": "I feel targeted. Oh. So, managing our money different. You're the saver, I'm the spender. I spend my money carelessly sometimes. And you know if it's anything, whether it's you spending money or you spending money on me, I'll spend it. It don't matter to me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 15668, 16052], "asr": "Because I had just spent... What did I buy? Oh, I think I had got another phone. Yeah, I got another phone. And then we were talking, and then you were talking about the spending. You wanted to go out, but I spent some money on the phone. Oh, wow. Yes.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 18726, 19110], "asr": "Sheesh. How's my love for you grown? I mean, it started at no love to now, I'll do anything basically for you. Well damn. I love you. I love being around you even more, so like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 19110, 19494], "asr": "Before what I would do something little like taking you home or stuff like that now like I'll probably whatever you want. You know just go do whatever like listen to you you know when something I don't want to listen to or like Or you know just taking care of like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 8119, 8503], "asr": "cycle. I'm feeling depressed. For me, if you're aware and you're trying or you're asking for help, but that can be hard too. I don't know if I'm even allowed to ask you for that. So I don't know, but I don't know. Maybe if Jen.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 9360, 9744], "asr": "The hardest thing for me right now is how much anxiety and heavy responsibility I feel over the coming months. I don't know what my job's going to be. I don't know what's going to happen with the kids. I know it's going to be hard.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 10281, 10665], "asr": "I feel the responsibility of being a mother so, so heavy on me. I want so badly to do a good job. I want, I know that I made it hard on them by getting divorced. I know it was the right decision, but it has repercussions. You can do the right thing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 11238, 11622], "asr": "I just feel a lot lighter when I'm not the only one who I have so many thoughts all the time. And sometimes I just, I want to share it with someone and I don't want you to take the burden of it. I know in the beginning of our relationship, you were like, well, I don't like to burden other people. Like it's not a burden. Please share with me. Please. And I still do.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 12553, 12937], "asr": "do this. All right. You are an only child. I'm one of five. You had two parents who gave you I love your parents. They gave you unconditional love. My upbringing was not like that. Your parents are.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 12937, 13321], "asr": "They didn't discipline you very much. Mine very much did. And there are some good sides to that, right? I can, I can discipline myself. Um, we've grown up differently in maybe everywhere there is to grow up.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 13460, 13844], "asr": "Jewish so there's that that whole conversation but we how it affects us all the ways because I am never convinced that someone loves me unconditionally I don't think anybody is safe if my parents can not love me if my parents", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 17524, 17908], "asr": "I would be bawling my fucking eyes out. My last conversation ever, I just, I would never want you to forget how deeply you are loved.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 17908, 18292], "asr": "how this person knows you pretty fucking deeply I'd say. I know you, I know really well, I know good, bad, upside out.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 4448, 4832], "asr": "that in ways that you weren't even aware of, you changed me too and made me a better person too and made my days brighter. And I think that realization is huge.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 5226, 5610], "asr": "When? I would say Alaska. And that was the moment where I stepped into a whole new world for me that I've never stepped in with anybody.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 8367, 8751], "asr": "had any piece of advice that might have changed it. And I think we have to be here. So buckle up. That's the only advice. What do you think?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 11843, 12227], "asr": "I can fully be me. Where my, I'm getting emotional, but my dreams are reality. And...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 12487, 12871], "asr": "When I can't sleep at night and I look over and I see you sleeping peacefully, I feel nothing but grateful. And you're somebody that I never thought that I would meet. This is a type of relationship I never thought I would have. I think that we have.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 18056, 18440], "asr": "same dream and have the same vision and that's so exciting because I don't think it will be that difficult for us to agree on whatever we're doing. We tend to be very on the same page about what we're looking for.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 477, 861], "asr": "Just how much responsibility another tiny person is and what they become. Because there's so much to being a parent. That's why we tell your sisters like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 861, 1245], "asr": "Think really long and hard before you decide to be an adult. Because you know, I became a dad at 20. I was still a kid, having a kid.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 4575, 4959], "asr": "Ooh, that's a really good question. The hardest thing about being your dad is always worrying about how kids treat you at school. All the time. Every day.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 5112, 5496], "asr": "children, but when they're mean to you, or they bully you, or they're not nice to you, that makes me very angry, very upset, because I want everybody to see you like I see you, right? Like an awesome, smart, intelligent person.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 5496, 5880], "asr": "intelligent, funny, you know, little boy that you are that's growing into a young man. Like you got your blazer on here, but it's hard when you can't control other people. So that's...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 9073, 9457], "asr": "Yeah, I think that's why I really want to get that tattoo of mom's handwriting, saying you can do hard things. Because I remember when I was leaving Baylor, and...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 9457, 9841], "asr": "and she just held my face and she said, you can do hard things. It's just, sometimes it's a lot harder than other days to do the same hard thing. But I wish I could.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 9841, 10225], "asr": "I wish I could take that same pain away from you instead of worrying about me. I wish you could just enjoy life with mom and not worry about whether or not", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 16633, 17017], "asr": "a print on me in my heart that will never go away and that", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 17017, 17401], "asr": "You've been such an amazing person to everyone. I heard people call you God once. He's your dad's a god. And they didn't mean it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 17851, 18235], "asr": "that my daughter carries you in her heart. And I think that will go on past my daughter, that you'll be there in generations and generations.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 3670, 4054], "asr": "worry about me and I worry about you and I have an anxiety from, you know, the phone call. When I even phone call with my dad, came in my room at my grandmother's house in Charlotte and he told me that Julian was dead.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 5605, 5989], "asr": "Because just the whole situation. There was a time, there's certain songs that remind me of Julian. Yeah. But a lot of them are about him being here with me. I always feel like he's here with me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 6234, 6618], "asr": "saying, yeah, He's up there with them. And I asked for assistance from God. I asked for assistance from Julian and our family. And I just cried. So I'm at peace with His passing, because I feel like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 10500, 10884], "asr": "Just because the world was, I would imagine smaller, your exposure to the world was less degrees of separation, or more degrees of separation. And so, it just...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 10884, 11268], "asr": "the culture was more distilled and more, and it's still being actively lived, like the knowledge of the land and the spirituality and the connections to just all the history that's here. And so I feel like,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 11268, 11652], "asr": "Like a lot of that is what you do is trying to hold on to that and to amplify all that knowledge that needs to be preserved and to be shared with the rest of the world. You know, I love that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 11652, 12036], "asr": "the culture and that we have culture. I feel like there's so many places that have been scrubbed clean of heritage and culture, but my Gullah roots are really tied to my emotions and to my energy because you know when I get upset, you know,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 15575, 15959], "asr": "that I know that you gave me everything you possibly could in terms of love and your support, and that I'm eternally grateful for to have you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 16926, 17310], "asr": "Just that even though I don't always tell you that those are good parts of you, you know, you're fiery, and it's especially, you know, when it's directed towards me, but it's such a thing that,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 17310, 17694], "asr": "is one of my favorite parts about you, especially now that I see it in myself and I'm able to understand it and utilize it in a powerful way and just that power that I feel like you've given me to allow me to operate", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 17694, 18078], "asr": "and create and to advocate for other people that are around, whether it's at work or whether it's in relationships or friendships that I'm like, wow, I got that from my mom. And so.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 6315, 6699], "asr": "I think definitely, of course, you know, as having to leave you. I think it was, you know, the longest four years.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 6808, 7192], "asr": "And it's like this sense, like this whole, you know? Because it's like, and then you start to think in your head, at least for me, was like, dang, was there something I could have did differently so that I could have done it?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 7192, 7576], "asr": "I would be with my mom right now. You know, I remember like just being in church while we were in the foster home and just like praying, praying, praying, praying. I was always praying. Like I would pray before I go to bed.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 7718, 8102], "asr": "and pray when I was walking through school. Pray on my lunch break. Constantly pray. You know, that God would just like, heal you and heal you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 8903, 9287], "asr": "when the social worker came to the school. And he called me in like he always did. And he was like, hey, you're going back with your mom at the end of the school year.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 9287, 9671], "asr": "There was so many different, you know, feelings, excitement, being nervous. And I'm just, you know, it's one of those things where I wish it didn't happen, but I feel like it's...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 9779, 10163], "asr": "Like if it didn't happen, like we'd be in a different space and I really love... Just when we came back to just like, I would watch you sometimes and I'm like, man, she's so strong. And even sometimes when I would have moments of weakness, I would say, wow.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 10163, 10547], "asr": "I need to be as strong as my mom, you know, like because you're so resilient. You've been through so, so much, you know, and you just keep pushing no matter what, no matter what comes your way, even if it knocks you down for a little bit.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 13160, 13544], "asr": "You know, like you're my mom. She was like, you know, I'm just so grateful. I have friends, you know, who don't, who don't have their mothers anymore. And I know some kids who are in foster care that will never have a mother.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 18578, 18962], "asr": "For me, I would want you to know that I love you with every beat of my heart, every ounce of my soul.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 19239, 19623], "asr": "Thank God that he allowed you to be my mother. Good, bad, ups, downs. You know, hiccups. Punishments. Grown health.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["QPr36vqA_yM", 707, 1091], "asr": "I don't know, you just look pretty. I see pretty blue. You know, this reminds me of when I wrote a poem about your eyes before we started dating and I described them.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["QPr36vqA_yM", 3851, 4235], "asr": "we've been together for over three years so I know that we have a really good bond and I just want to be with you as long as it's good for the both of us, you know? We know if we're meant to be we're going to end up together.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["QPr36vqA_yM", 4471, 4855], "asr": "Yeah. I guess. I mean, it doesn't have to be sad. I just feel like it's real, like realistic. And I'm not, none of this is to say like, you know, it's just probably like, we're not going to work out because I think I just love you and like, you're my friend.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["QPr36vqA_yM", 10810, 11194], "asr": "I just feel like it's not even like we're a lesbian couple in Mississippi. It's just like we're also not quietly a couple. You know? We're like, gosh. I just feel like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["QPr36vqA_yM", 11194, 11578], "asr": "like a lot of people are scared here to be them. They're in like identify themselves in the LGBTQ community. But it's like we started a gay straight Alliance club at our school like the first ever. And I'm just really proud of that. And I just feel like I don't.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["QPr36vqA_yM", 18025, 18409], "asr": "Um, it just, I just think of that and I just, I get happy and I feel warm, fuzzy feelings. That's just like the way that we've always described it, like warm, fuzzy feelings, like you feel safe, you feel protected, you feel cared for.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 666, 1050], "asr": "Whoa! I don't know. It would be like that you're my sister. Because I think that's also a hard thing for me to explain sometimes to people because they're like, you know, how many siblings do you have? And so I'm like, well, you know, I have a little brother and two sisters.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 4018, 4402], "asr": "I don't know, I guess, what am I hesitant to tell you? Well, it's gonna take me a minute to think of it because I'm hesitant about it. Yeah, I think I'm hesitant to tell you, I guess, how much I...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 4402, 4786], "asr": "wish I lived closer to you because I think like I can see you wanting it too, you know, and I am hesitant to like feel it because I think there are so many other things that like I wish I lived closer to you. I wish I lived closer to you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 11380, 11764], "asr": "This might be small, but every time I think I see your kids react to something, or you guys have a fight or something, or maybe your son will act out, and I can see how much it hurts you and how hard you're trying to help him.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 11764, 12148], "asr": "And because of where he's at right now and having to figure out where he is on the spectrum and all the other amazing things that he has going on in his brain, just like how to express them, I can see that it hurts you because you want that for him. You want the best for him and you want...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 12476, 12860], "asr": "Like you were saying the other day, trying to put like a square kid in like a round box or whatever. And I just, I wish there were ways that you didn't have to feel that about him and also that maybe his behavior and growing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 18478, 18862], "asr": "Because I, yeah, I mean, I think that that's like one of the things I love most about you also is like your ability to care deeply for people around you. And you know, that's literally your job is to be a therapist and to talk to people and be like how, you know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 18862, 19246], "asr": "How can we work through this deep issue that you have and then to also be, yeah, to be that way with your kids, to be so engaged in their lives and so personable and for all the things I said, like, yeah, you don't have to be that way around them.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 19246, 19630], "asr": "infectious too. Like because it's so funny to hear you say that about my life because I feel like every time I go to your house and I see your life I'm like ah like I just I just want that you know I like the stage of life you're at right now is a stage that I want eventually and I don't think", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 3433, 3817], "asr": "thing and I'm like, I don't know, like I really didn't like cross my mind because I trusted you so much already. And I guess that was a risk we both took, right? I mean, I could have just like, not showed up, right?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 4029, 4413], "asr": "Yeah, I was very nervous but also very excited. And when you arrived, when I was there waiting for you and you arrived, I was like even more nervous.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 9944, 10328], "asr": "Um, the ability to have a kid, I feel like that's a pain in you. That you're, I feel that's something that you're, you're suffering silently.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 10850, 11234], "asr": "So, I feel that's the pain in you that I could think of right now. Probably more things would I feel that's especially at your age.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 14844, 15228], "asr": "It's fine, it's fair game now that I brought it up. But it wasn't even trust issues of me thinking like, oh, is he cheating on me or any, like it wasn't any of that. I never thought for a second that you were ever like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 15228, 15612], "asr": "seeing other people like while we were doing long distance, it was literally just ultimately, I just I didn't feel safe and But I think even though we were raised very", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 15612, 15996], "asr": "differently. I think with a lot of like the healing that I've done and with going to therapy and stuff I now understand what like being having a secure attachment to someone is and like you were the first person I ever experienced.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 4144, 4528], "asr": "of music notes, like maybe some measure from a tool song. And probably like here. And I wanted to like remember.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 4528, 4912], "asr": "you that you're talented and you're a really good musician and you should play music as much as you can and learn instruments as much as you can and not to forget about this part of yourself.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 9823, 10207], "asr": "I've been worried because it's like I feel like I've seen my mom disappear. I feel like in some way she's grown so much but does she recognize a person?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 15401, 15785], "asr": "For me, intimacy is that level of being able to communicate so deeply about things, especially now, for both of us, we're each the first person we want to call when something good happens or when something bad happens.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 19195, 19579], "asr": "so loved every day. But that's a big deal for me because it's hard to love myself sometimes. So yeah, other partners just haven't. They haven't lived up to this ideal dream of", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 19579, 19963], "asr": "what I've had or what I've envisioned as my life partner. But you every day are living up to that standard. And with you, you just understand me in a way that nobody else has ever understood me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vuVnAiKATPw", 1647, 2031], "asr": "Yeah, we are literally the same person. I was thinking about this last night. Just being shocked at how alike we are. And I was like, it had to be like this because I had to see enough of my.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vuVnAiKATPw", 3090, 3474], "asr": "But then like a few years pass, we're still talking to each other, we're still seeing each other when we can. And then I don't even know when it happened, but like, I don't know. It just clicked at one point. And I was like, yeah, this is my cousin.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vuVnAiKATPw", 6881, 7265], "asr": "And, but like, yeah, I didn't want to tell you because I genuinely, like, even as it was happening, I realized like that is not actually the view that I have. That is like something coming out because I'm", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vuVnAiKATPw", 12169, 12553], "asr": "her in what she thinks will happen. How are we most similar and how are we most different? Well we're most different I think", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vuVnAiKATPw", 13528, 13912], "asr": "In Iqaluit, I'm Inuk. Like being Inuk has been a huge part of my life. Being Indigenous, that shapes me in so many ways. Whereas you were raised in a place where there's a lot of racism towards Indigenous people.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vuVnAiKATPw", 15420, 15804], "asr": "just heal ourselves. Like for us to be healed, for human beings to heal, they need to be in a healthy environment. And they need to help their community get to that healthy environment. And sometimes I think", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Gb-eci1iTsY", 7122, 7506], "asr": "Even if it's a joke, obviously there's no malice in that, and I know that. But it's little things like, oh, Kate's so in love with Nadine. Like, oh, of course Nadine can do that because Kate's in love with her. It's, it like cheapens this relationship.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Gb-eci1iTsY", 12595, 12979], "asr": "I would want to remove all the pain that your family has inflicted on you throughout your entire life. I think that, yeah, currently, if you're...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 0, 384], "asr": "It's so interesting to like know, like think about you at my age. Because like I was literally a fetus but like I don't know it's just so weird. Like when I saw your driver's license. Not your driver's license sorry, your high school.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 879, 1263], "asr": "I think it would be hard for me. I don't know why. But I think I would learn less. Like from you, I learn a lot because you've been through like more experiences than I have in certain like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 5168, 5552], "asr": "I don't know if it's like we don't see eye to eye on it, but I think something that's that where I would say that age does play a different, like, has a say like in our relationship is like, I don't know, because I'm like still like a 22 year old, like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 5552, 5936], "asr": "technically like broke college student and it's like sometimes I feel like like it's just different because like you like have a career well I mean yeah you have like a stable job like a like a big boy job you know I mean that they call a big boy job and like I feel like that", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 5936, 6320], "asr": "That's just something that's different for us because I don't have a stable job and I don't see any, I literally don't see in my head having an actual career. That's just not in the cards for me. I always just see myself working weird office hours.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 6493, 6877], "asr": "because you've never been like, oh, like when are you getting your big girl job? Or like, you've never been that type. But like, I take that into account sometimes, and like sometimes I feel insecure about it still. Cause I'm like still trying to figure out like what I'm gonna do. Cause I literally have only been 20 for two, like two months.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 9484, 9868], "asr": "Yeah, it's just like so hard sometimes. Like I just, I'm like in this rut where I just don't have, yeah, I don't have any motivation or I just don't, I'm not inspired by anything right now. Like that's why this morning when I had that dream, I was like, oh my God, like I started thinking about my screen.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 9868, 10252], "asr": "and I was like, oh, this would be like great for my screenplay. And that was like the first time where I felt literally inspired by something and like I subconsciously inspired myself like in my sleep. So like, it's just, I don't know. But yeah, like I definitely want to make it a", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 13683, 14067], "asr": "Just, yeah, like, yeah, I feel like for me it happens like once a week or something, like, I don't know, just like, even when you're just do little things like you'll go to the store and like get me lobs for like, like, happy bad day. Yeah.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 14067, 14451], "asr": "Like, you know, just like little things like that. And it's just like, cause you just pay attention, you know, and that's like really important. Like, I don't have to say anything to you. I don't, I don't really ever have to nag you. You just know, like kind of what I want in that moment. Or like, you just know like how to, um,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 14451, 14835], "asr": "make me happier in that moment. And I think that's more than I'm like, oh, I made the right choice. This is definitely who I want to be with, and this is my person.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 16787, 17171], "asr": "I don't know, because I just never thought that, I don't know, I feel like a lot of people go throughout their whole life truly searching for someone that I already have, but I'm only 22. And that's the crazy thing about it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 17171, 17555], "asr": "I was like, I don't know. But it's like, I'm just so young, but I just feel like I like, after this, like if we were to ever break up, like I feel like that next person, like it's gonna be really hard for them to like meet this relationship. Cause like, I don't know. I just never.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 17555, 17939], "asr": "I've never just felt so comfortable and just so safe. And being with you really truly feels like I'm just at peace and I'm home. I never feel...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 17939, 18323], "asr": "Like we're at war, like all the war that I've ever felt is just like me doing it to myself. Like with you, like it's like I truly do feel like, um... I don't know. Yeah, I just feel at home, I guess.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 4899, 5283], "asr": "Lately, you understand, you may not understand what causes me to get anxious or upset, but you accept it. So you're starting to understand that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 12326, 12710], "asr": "I wish I could heal that you felt you had to be the rock as a child. I wish I could take all that away from you. I wish I could go in and just remove all that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 14308, 14692], "asr": "I wish I could erase both of our pasts and it could just always be me and you. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, no bookstores, no hookups, no this, no that, like for me, and no, your past for you. And it could just always be us, because I think we can't.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 16072, 16456], "asr": "I'm there for you. I try to be a rock when that's not my role at all. At all. I try to be there for you. I try to be your rock for you to come onto. I try to love you that way.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 16456, 16840], "asr": "I try very hard. I think how I love you, I try to do the things that are against my, not, I don't want to say nature, but I try to be romantic.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 17692, 18076], "asr": "beyond, hence why I say, I would be lost without you. Beyond lost, I don't know what I would do. I mean, I would pull myself up by my bootstraps and take care of you and plow through life, but.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 1417, 1801], "asr": "you go through that when I was a kid and watching you hurt like that all the time and watching you not understand what you were feeling and I think that would be the biggest pain that I would heal because it wasn't just directly that pain it it it was like a diamond", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 7642, 8026], "asr": "I think you've played an important role in me growing up the way I am now, especially because we've always had the same interests. And at the point that I had the interests that I did, nobody my age really had the same ones. And my mom didn't have them either.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 8026, 8410], "asr": "So I think that it was super important because you were my friend, but you also would crack my ass if you needed to. Not physically, but I think it was very nice having you in my life growing up because I wouldn't...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 12663, 13047], "asr": "car won't start. You know what I mean? For you to take something to that extent and run with it in such a positive way and come from such a dark place of hurt and pain and turn it into what you have I think is amazing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 1099, 1483], "asr": "I have learned the pleasures of life from you, quite honestly. There has been such joy, there really has been. It was just so wonderful. I feel so fortunate.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 1483, 1867], "asr": "that I was gifted you and I just think I'm the luckiest person. It's always been magic and it has just expanded me so much. It's just made me such a better...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 1867, 2251], "asr": "More interesting, more interested person, vastly more interested in my curiosity, has exponentially increased. That's very exciting. When was the last time you were in the hospital?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 10192, 10576], "asr": "the opportunity to pass on, to give to you, to give gifts to you that I didn't have. That was really meaningful to me. Kindnesses, parenting, holding your hand.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 10857, 11241], "asr": "It doesn't matter to me. It just was, it is what, I'm definitely at the point of just accepting that and working off of it. That's the floor. Those are the bones. That's the scaffolding.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 14662, 15046], "asr": "about. I mean, having lived as long as I have now, I certainly have regrets and I don't think I'd talk with you about them. I have lots of regrets, if I would have, could have, should have sort of things. Like career, personal? I think", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 15046, 15430], "asr": "personal in terms of coming out of such a train wreck of a home life. There was this enormous challenge, so I got derailed a lot or found myself in situations that, knowing what I know today.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cnu0ZvBNPDg", 15803, 16187], "asr": "I think at some point I will, sure. It's not that I'm trying to keep a secret, I'm just being selective. Selective and tentative. You know, it's like when you're a kid, there's so much you only want to tell, you only tell your kid as much as they really ask.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 298, 682], "asr": "I'm gonna tell them to not waste time and spend time getting caught up in the hoopla of feeling like you need to be in a relationship. And to be kind and not nice. Nice is bullshit.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 682, 1066], "asr": "It makes you literally get treated like a doormat. So you need to be kind and an effective human being. I would definitely tell them, don't be nice. Anyone who tells you you should be nice is probably trying to abuse you or take advantage of you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 12616, 13000], "asr": "I mean, I'm pretty like... I used to have an issue with being very pacifist and being a doormat, so I was nice as well. And literally, like, I was raised in a culture and a household that told me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 13000, 13384], "asr": "like you need to be nice, like you need to be likeable and agreeable. But when you don't speak up in relationships, the resentment that you start to feel, it like eats away, it's like acid on the inside.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 13384, 13768], "asr": "inside and it comes out eventually. So I've definitely like had to let a couple people like have some choice words on more than one occasion like that's kind of been something that I used to do in the past that I don't do anymore like I'm not about like art.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 14132, 14516], "asr": "get serious, there's always this like, there was this underlying fear of, okay, like the whole thing kind of coming like down in shambles. So I think that's where I was coming from a place of fear. I used to date from a place of fear, basically before like 2016.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AnJC_bduosQ", 2416, 2800], "asr": "And you know, everyone, you were very popular in high school and I was very jealous of you, like I was very judgmental of you. I was very...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AnJC_bduosQ", 4423, 4807], "asr": "There's two parts to this question. What did I, what I learned from this happening is that how strong our friendship is, how much you try to be strong.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AnJC_bduosQ", 12360, 12744], "asr": "Well, I think that we approach, I think that a lot of, I don't know, you're like very loving, accepting family who like loves you and like, you know, like I feel like sometimes I just think like Jonathan's like the star of the family.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AnJC_bduosQ", 12911, 13295], "asr": "I don't know, I think you're a star. I just feel like sometimes I was like, I don't know, jealous of that. I don't know how to answer this question. It's really hard. That's alright. There are a lot of ways and I can't really make them into words.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AnJC_bduosQ", 16791, 17175], "asr": "Well, you owe that to your willingness to grow and your openness. You are one of the most open, like understanding people I know. You are very, very open, very kind, very giving of your time, of your life, of your life.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 1077, 1461], "asr": "That was the worst thing, because you getting hit by a car. And I was angry with the person that hit you. You got over it. You got shot, but you didn't die. But when they were taking you, some of me,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 1461, 1845], "asr": "I was going to lose you for all them years. That was the worst plan ever, would ever go through. What do you think was the hardest thing about raising you?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 2800, 3184], "asr": "The hardest part was because they've been a young man and having them let go and giving you a little freedom as you got older, you know, it was little things like that. It was like, okay, you gotta let them be a man, but it'd be hard on a mother.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 5434, 5818], "asr": "But it wasn't easy. To be honest, like I say, you never knew. The first years, people I tell somebody I was almost on a death mission. I kept a job, I always kept a job.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 5818, 6202], "asr": "and out, talking, going up against a man, like, you know, either to push somebody to do something to me, it wasn't easy, son. The first 10 years, it took a toll on me bad.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 6926, 7310], "asr": "you know your grandmother was sick being there with her. And like I said, I just had to, got tired and I was doing too much damage to myself. And I just started crying. I realized, and I asked the Lord to help me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 7310, 7694], "asr": "me, change me so I can help my son. So I might have put on ads for you for a lot of people but internally I was hurt, I was really destroyed.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 7694, 8078], "asr": "And I never was embarrassed about it. People used to tell me, Oh, why'd you tell me your son is still in college? I said, well, I didn't think I was stupid. I wasn't embarrassed about you going to jail. You made a mistake. And that's it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 11776, 12160], "asr": "I go through too. My day I'm going through, you know, the injuries, the surgeries. I'm so tired sometimes, but I keep striving for it. You know I heard about the depression. You never told me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 12237, 12621], "asr": "or one of your cousins posting one time that you were going through it. But I didn't even know how to approach you on it. Because I figured, okay, he doesn't want me to know he's depressed. And all I told myself, why don't you go talk to somebody? You in a field now.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 13633, 14017], "asr": "Yeah, but it would never take away my love. And people that know me know I would do anything for you, give you anything I could. And I have to still learn. We're both doing this learning process. It's me trying to learn.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 15287, 15671], "asr": "I'd answer that question, I'd do that for you. For my heart. For my soul. Do a gift. From a higher power.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 4306, 4690], "asr": "Um, this is really weird too, but I feel like when I do something like work out and tell you about it or have a hard day and tell you about it, cause there's no one else in my life. Like I talk about my mom and I talk about my.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 8517, 8901], "asr": "Well, we're engaged. We live together. We have plans for the future in place. At that point, it was two years ago that we were here.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 11747, 12131], "asr": "Yes, I think that bliss is actually going to help us get through and I mean us, both of us, get through the fact that we're about to have a huge change. And then in the fall, leaving it all behind and having an adventure.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 12131, 12515], "asr": "I've never had with anybody. I think so many couples get married and then like the next step is, we're going to buy a house and that's so exciting for them or, oh it's time to start getting ready to have kids and that's so super exciting for them.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 12515, 12899], "asr": "And I think the fact that we're not doing either of those, but that we're going to be taking a trip wherever, not wherever the wind blows us, but in a way, like I think we'll have a plan. And it's something I never thought I would see myself doing ever.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 12899, 13283], "asr": "Like I always thought, I'm going to graduate college, I'm going to get a great job, I'm going to make good money, and then I'm going to have this great life. And it's sort of like, I graduated college, I got the job, I ticked off all the checkmarks for my career.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 17007, 17391], "asr": "I also, so many people just assume that you're going to have kids because that's the next step that you do. And people who are close to us know this and I don't mind saying it because I'm in a time in my life.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 18580, 18964], "asr": "This is weird that this is coming out, coming to my brain first. I mean, I would love for us to travel more together, but that's, we've done that. I want us to do more. We've talked about this, some already, but...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 18964, 19348], "asr": "And maybe this is because the guys are going through this right now, but I know we don't want to adopt, but I am very interested in the future, not soon future, but maybe a little later.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 1157, 1541], "asr": "Probably when we spend time together. Anytime we spend together. Or when I randomly give you hugs or randomly hold your hand. I think that's when you feel close to me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 6157, 6541], "asr": "fresh meat at 21 years old and they pretty much wanted me to be with someone that didn't have that excess baggage I guess you can say.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 8109, 8493], "asr": "because I do see all these people my age getting engaged, having babies, or already married, and it sucks because I know I shouldn't, I shouldn't envy these people because I don't know what they're going through, you know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 9733, 10117], "asr": "Fortunately that is part of my life. That's part of my life and it's hard to kind of... There have been plenty of times that you know I've taken breaks from social media because of the fact that I'm always constantly comparing our lives to other people's lives. And I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 12352, 12736], "asr": "Yeah, I guess that's where it kind of like, it's not, I don't wanna say it's kind of like a barrier, but I think that's where our age comes into play because you're in no rush, I don't know if you're in a rush to get married or have.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 13964, 14348], "asr": "We both want the same things, but it's like, you're in a rush to get there, but I'm in a rush. I feel like we both want the same things. You do want to get married, you do want to have one more child, but we're kind of, I feel like we're too close.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 17284, 17668], "asr": "always wanted to have like more than two kids how can you not want to get married anymore or have kids anymore but I told him I really love this guy and I feel like in order to keep him I have to", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 17668, 18052], "asr": "pretty much do what he says. Not he says because you didn't tell me you can't have kids or any of that. You just said I don't want to have kids and I don't want to get married anymore, which I understood because unfortunately he got a divorce and that wasn't a very easy one.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 5665, 6049], "asr": "And obviously with us, how we were supposed to meet up, you know, like it was really, we were really bummed out for, I was bummed out for a little bit because. Same. I was looking forward to like seeing you like in a short amount in between. Like I think it was like, two months ago, I was like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 6049, 6433], "asr": "months right since we've seen each other last. So that yeah that that would have felt a lot nicer than what we did last year where we waited like nine months in between before seeing each other again.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 6433, 6817], "asr": "But now that the coronavirus is around, like we don't know how long it's gonna be extended, but hopefully, hopefully everybody, everybody's safe soon and it will be over soon and then we can continue.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 9109, 9493], "asr": "I just like chilling with you, like even if we're not doing anything and we're just like watching something or you're working on your photos or I don't know, like you're playing games or something. But that's always a nice way to do it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 9890, 10274], "asr": "other people. I remember hearing or reading I guess a comment on our last one and somebody said that we were so excited to just like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 11261, 11645], "asr": "better communication just because it is like a harder time because we didn't get to do it together. But I think that's on both parts too because there's times where I.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 11796, 12180], "asr": "or we don't get to talk too much on FaceTime, stuff like that, or even just a calling. But I do appreciate the good morning and good nights and stuff like that. If we can't get to that,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 16530, 16914], "asr": "like overwhelmingly good and that you have a lot of love to share. It's a different kind of love and I feel like anybody who's around you is just like lucky to have that type of like energy. You have a very like, it's like you", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 17092, 17476], "asr": "I feel like it just feels like inviting. You feel, that's the word, you're very inviting. Like I feel like you care a lot about like people's souls and like my soul. And I feel like very, my soul feels like that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["za7l1iuO4wg", 9374, 9758], "asr": "Yeah, I think, I don't know, I mean, I just am still processing everything still to this day, which seems kind of crazy because it happened so long, like, I...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["za7l1iuO4wg", 10311, 10695], "asr": "a really difficult thing that I'm trying to process and unpack on my own and I still don't, like I just want to pretend it never happened.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["za7l1iuO4wg", 11277, 11661], "asr": "Yeah, it's like really hard because there have been times where I've tried to like, yeah, it's still just a really hard thing for me to talk about and process and I know, I know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UnQEcquyAYI", 2884, 3268], "asr": "Mm-hmm. You know, because we've talked about how we don't know what it's like to have just that family dynamic where they're our best friends and they got our backs and they can say whatever they want.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["e93H9FRm8Mw", 4631, 5015], "asr": "And for people, at least I feel like they no longer serve me. And I'm like, I don't know longer what's in my life. I'm like, if I could literally get taken away from my dad and never speak to him for the last 20 years, it's been 20 years, something like that, then I could easily never speak to him.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["e93H9FRm8Mw", 9541, 9925], "asr": "so much. Sorry. I just wish, you know, I feel like for you, like where you and I differ a lot is because I feel like growing up, I think you other than grandma and me, grandma and I.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["e93H9FRm8Mw", 10554, 10938], "asr": "Even I'm thinking like, if something happened to me, who could you go to? And even when you were growing up, like you got placed here and then kicked out. You got placed here and you got kicked out. You got placed here and kicked out. Whereas for me, it was just like, okay, I could stay.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 3411, 3795], "asr": "Duh. We know that. Yeah. In all seriousness, I won't really say it. I don't like the word power honestly. I think it's like a, yeah I think it's a, you're annoying, I think it's like an equal share. It's not just like one person. Equal? Yeah, you really?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 15216, 15600], "asr": "What did you tell me? Yes, I kind of had to. I felt so bad, but I was like, aw. So I did it anyway. But I mean with you, I feel like it's different because it's like how the dynamic of the relationship is different. Like I've had a few where it was good, but you know, like my first girlfriend, I felt like it was good.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 18601, 18985], "asr": "like why I think that's why I stopped taking like like the antidepressants like I didn't want to be too dependent on like that I mean I only got on it after like the situation but it's just like I've seen how people are when they are like have to suffer like depression or postpartum and they're too dependent", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 18985, 19369], "asr": "on medicine and I just like, I feel like the more I took it, the more agitated I was and the more like angry and like I'd snap and break things like I'd get more upset and it's just like I get upset whether I'm on it or not on it but it's not as bad when I'm on it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 5568, 5952], "asr": "I've felt like whenever we get grades back, when people ask, oh what you got, and like when I get a bad mark and they do better than me, like I really hate it when they like compare themselves to me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 10955, 11339], "asr": "I think it wasn't until that event that I realised like, you know, after the visual and everything and when you said for all of us to come to your house and get a free, that actual, like it might not have meant, seemed a lot to you but it actually meant a lot for me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 11635, 12019], "asr": "And I think I just needed that time with you guys after the visual. But yeah, just show me how valuable life is and like to cherish every day. To lose students at our own high school, actual.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 17840, 18224], "asr": "like hatred doesn't beat hatred. Yeah. And I think what it showed us was that like we can do anything, like we as young people, like for us to create a community,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 18589, 18973], "asr": "But when I stood there like in that crowd of people Like seeing so many young like students from all different schools like races beliefs faiths like it was actually incredible and", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 2711, 3095], "asr": "I don't know if it's so much as a fear, but I, well, I guess so. I'm fearful of facing some of my unhealthy habits that I'm like being working to try and break and fix.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 6696, 7080], "asr": "and we have the relationship on a deeper level, as in emotions are involved. And I think we've just given each other the freedom to connect on other levels with people, whether it be sexual,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 11981, 12365], "asr": "still don't understand about you and why do you think I do? I think I guess my like race and my background but I think that's because", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 12365, 12749], "asr": "I'm still learning about it because obviously just for some clarification in South Africa I am considered a colored that is my race but that's something that's a derogatory.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 13375, 13759], "asr": "So it's kind of like learning a new identity almost while living abroad, which has been interesting and good because like of course I'm going to learn and embrace my Black", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 13759, 14143], "asr": "But I think for you also you don't really understand it because obviously you grew up in a different country. You don't know what a life of a colored person is. You don't know the history of black people in South Africa.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 14143, 14527], "asr": "I think that's part of me still don't understand, but that's also because I'm still learning a lot too. For me, it's like the same thing. Like I know that when you are ready, then you will teach me. Because as you said, you're learning.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 18596, 18980], "asr": "I'm proud of you, like, and I want you to be proud of you because I've seen your growth. When we first met up until this point, I see you putting in the work, I see you taking care of yourself.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 16830, 17214], "asr": "Oh. Well, everyone comes into your life for a very specific reason and you learn from them. I feel like we've been able to bring out the best side of each other. And I really needed somebody in LA that got me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 17214, 17598], "asr": "I mean it's hard to build friendships. You don't just meet someone on the side of the street and have that bond with them. So it's a little bit of feeling lonely and that's how I got in such a bad relationship. It's because that was the only thing I knew and he could trap me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 936, 1320], "asr": "I figured you guys were chatting or something. So of course I was like, uh-uh, tattoo boy is mine. And I remember looking and seeing the Super Mario 3 tattoo. And yeah.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 3702, 4086], "asr": "others.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 4086, 4470], "asr": "of like what kind of tattoos does he have, are they dark or this and I'm like they're super dark they're all Nintendo and Disney and super scary stuff.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 6239, 6623], "asr": "You've never told me that it was, you know, you never told me like the emotional effect that your father's absence had on you. I think that you know,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 6623, 7007], "asr": "You've always been very positive about how your grandfather became that. I remember when we first started dating and you told me how you legally changed your last name and going through that", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 7007, 7391], "asr": "process at a young age and doing it yourself. I've always admired how forthcoming and strong you perceive yourself and how punk you kind of are, because you just were like, fuck this guy.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 7391, 7775], "asr": "and whatever. But I think that a father is so, especially when you have a chance to know who he is, if it wasn't for the fact that you'd never met him, you'd never know who he is.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 12381, 12765], "asr": "that I can fix in you would have been your feelings of abandonment. Because you get like that about your friends. When somebody just like doesn't, isn't consistently a part of your life the way you want them", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 12765, 13149], "asr": "them to be, it is your instinct to just like fuck them, forget them, they're horrible people, I don't want to be their friend anymore and I always feel like I have to pull you back in and be like you gotta be sensible, you know people are people, we're all going to be like, you know, we're all going to be like, you know, we're all going to be like, you", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 13562, 13946], "asr": "you know that you'll be fine because you know that you can just like fuck them all. Like you can just like move on. And I feel like it's okay to, it's okay to.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 13946, 14330], "asr": "Let go peacefully instead of with such... Like you... If there's like... Like I'm dramatic, but... That's your moment of like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 14330, 14714], "asr": "Fuck this and set the fires to the stuff. You know, and I think it could be calmer. Is there anything that you think that you would want to fix in me?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 16343, 16727], "asr": "I think that my dad just feels really guilty about how I grew up. I feel like he, now that he's older, feels more guilty about the way that...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 2525, 2909], "asr": "When was the moment I knew you loved me? When I told you I loved you and although there was no admission verbally, I could feel that aroha.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 2909, 3293], "asr": "was there. And I knew that there it was more than an attraction and it was more than just chemistry. That the love that we had for one another", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 3293, 3677], "asr": "another was built on trust and I trusted you implicitly to enter into a loving relationship in one where I knew I was going to be taken care of.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 5650, 6034], "asr": "I'm surprised that you mentioned confidence as the first attribute, given the past and the journey that we've been on as a result of that past, confidence was something that we've been through.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 6034, 6418], "asr": "something that became quite suppressed. And even though I may have given the impression of being confident inside, it was everything but. But I'm glad that's something that you've noticed that's obviously", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 6418, 6802], "asr": "developed and growing because there are certain areas that I do feel confident in and more so having had you by my side and with our tamariki, our children that I've gained the confidence", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 14556, 14940], "asr": "I'm most concerned for you when you give selflessly to others without doubt, without question, when people ask of your service, of your support.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vN77UJcjXeo", 9106, 9490], "asr": "Well, according to America, I mean the world, but race is a creation. It's not even a real thing. When do you come to me instead of any of our other siblings?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vN77UJcjXeo", 18418, 18802], "asr": "different positions like Director of History and Culture here at Penn Center. Yeah. When you got your position with the National Park Service and now as Executive Director of the Gichigala Corridor. I'm immensely proud of you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 3119, 3503], "asr": "like you know you broke down a little bit you got you started crying because you were like I feel like I don't see you enough and it just like I don't know what happened there but it was like this thing and you were like just really upset because you felt like you weren't seeing me enough and I was just like oh no like it's", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["wkoDTA_hLIE", 16813, 17197], "asr": "or something big. Shit, I did my dishes. You like, oh, go off. Or I brought a car. Oh, go off. It just is such a supportive and loving and nurturing positive space that I know that I can always be.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 14370, 14754], "asr": "Okay. That the morning that, or midday, should say that I left my house to get in my car to come and meet you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 1006, 1390], "asr": "But like it wasn't on bad terms and that's something that I emphasize. I'm upfront about the fact that I want a family and kids. So that because it's inherently involved in it, I do share that part just so that they know upfront. But outside of that, I'm not.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 1390, 1774], "asr": "of that, you know, there's nothing negative. Obviously, that could be said from my end. So that's pretty much what I say. But I usually just limit it to like, hey, we still like friends but we just had different goals within the relationship. If for some reason", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 7356, 7740], "asr": "love with me. I know you have love for me and that you appreciate me as a close friend but sometimes I mean I feel like your actions would mean that you were in love with me but I didn't always feel like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 7740, 8124], "asr": "your words or interests consistently align with that. It's like you were warring with yourself in terms of what you wanted to be for me versus what this relationship presented for you. The in love aspect was always there.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 8235, 8619], "asr": "I felt it, but there was just times where I was questioning it because of when I felt like you retracted it. I don't know if that's what your intention was, but with certain things like future stuff or marriage and family.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 8619, 9003], "asr": "It felt like a reflection of your maybe disinterest holistically by not wanting to pursue that with me. Maybe just what you thought being in love looked like wasn't what your experience was. So I'm not sure if it was dissonance in that way or if just like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 11177, 11561], "asr": "I agree with you in that. That was one of the times, but I would actually say maybe after I started going to therapy for my anxiety, because it made me understand your depression differently.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 11561, 11945], "asr": "Because a lot of times I would think that things you would say were a reflection of something I was doing wrong when really it was not about me at all. And I feel like I made it about myself in moments I should have been listening more to you. So when we revisited those aspects, even in our friendship, I felt clear.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 11945, 12329], "asr": "posted to you because I could communicate to you in a way where I felt like for the first time we were actually understanding where each other were coming from. But also we basically grew up together so it's like who we were at 19 is different than who we were when we were having those conversations again and after we had kind of learned.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 17282, 17666], "asr": "I'm shocked, I'm floored, I'm confused, and I'm wondering like, it just makes me question a lot of things that I thought I knew or understood because you had sort of said you didn't believe in marriage and it was partially informed by your perspective about family. So you were saying that you were not going to believe in marriage.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 17666, 18050], "asr": "saying that if you didn't want to have kids, you didn't see the point in getting married. So I don't know, I guess I would just be at a loss. But if you're asking would the intended commitment make me feel more secure in the relationship and what I have left, I probably would have stayed longer.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 1330, 1714], "asr": "we want and everything. We haven't done that for three years. But I definitely hold what we had in high regard. It is something that I haven't been able to", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 13831, 14215], "asr": "I didn't say he looked better than you. I know that's how you received it, but I was just saying I know I said it as a comment like oh he's really cute. I didn't say like he looks better than you But I know that probably that's how", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 18619, 19003], "asr": "consider it maybe. Um I j in the place to even date", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 4267, 4651], "asr": "You don't let that affect how you view yourself or how you act upon other things Just brings out the best in you Because I'm somebody who the littlest tiniest inconvenience", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 9722, 10106], "asr": "I completely agree with you because when I hit my lows, and I know this for myself, and it's just something that I try to work on, that's when the barriers go up. I might be in the darkest place ever.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 13516, 13900], "asr": "like any sort of communication aspect is something I think people would never be able to forget about you. The way that", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 15186, 15570], "asr": "Like I said, fake nice want the best for you, but like I want you to know that you are a, you're the kind person. You're what people want to have in their lives. Still.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 15597, 15981], "asr": "You came at the time I think I needed you most. I think you came at a time for me where I was just starting to have things happen to me that I was like, damn, like, that really fucking happened.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 4017, 4401], "asr": "Our greatest challenge has been experiencing COVID-19. We had everything planned this year to see each other and spend time together.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 4793, 5177], "asr": "And that was an obstacle. A lot of that, not just with the COVID, but emotionally, our communication, all of that, because we're unable to have the cheat sheet, where you can go.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 5177, 5561], "asr": "I didn't come and hug you or kiss you. I couldn't do that. I was trying to communicate effectively, demonstrate both empathy, sympathy, understanding.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 14648, 15032], "asr": "that I want to marry you because, well, for one, I had never encountered a woman like you. You were a rare specimen in my eyes.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 15032, 15416], "asr": "And the things that we shared in common, I really was thankful for. You know, I never, you know, and I would never imagine", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 15416, 15800], "asr": "imagine how like your background and what you brought into our relationship, how it would play a part in, you are what I need. You are what I needed.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 16545, 16929], "asr": "a little bit of daring and risk taking because we never really know, you know, but I felt something. I didn't even know I was ready, you know, to be honest. I just knew that you had came into my life and", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 16929, 17313], "asr": "I had a job to do and that was to be ready, to get ready. And you know, I was like, yeah, I got it all figured out. By now I wouldn't be with her. She, everything lines up with you. You got the right person.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 17313, 17697], "asr": "things that I see as a good mother for our children, you're hardworking, you're a natural leader. And I really think that you are that rose that grows.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 17697, 18081], "asr": "up through the cracks in the concrete, which is like rare. But somehow you rise through all of that. And I feel very lucky, to be honest with you. And I feel, for me, I feel like I'm", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["YI30GzlffAA", 1060, 1444], "asr": "It was like the moment I met you. Like I just felt so strongly that I just found a person, an incredible person that I just could not ever get out of my head the second I met you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 1135, 1519], "asr": "I do like that question. That's a good one. I think, well, I had an epiphany within the last couple months because we had an interesting first year. True. So.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 2248, 2632], "asr": "That's so true, you know because I Kind of was just loving you the best way that I knew how and through the love languages that I know how to Give but really marriage is about learning how to love someone and how to serve them best which I'm not nailing on", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 9765, 10149], "asr": "I mean, that season when you were kind of just like back in Arizona and stuff and I just felt like Okay Like I literally was calling you and you were like even answering", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 10506, 10890], "asr": "Like we've only been married less than a year and I'm like and it was just all of it at once and you were like Smoking certain stuff that made you like a little bit cuckoo in my mind Yeah, but according to other people and then there was like a period of just like this", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 10890, 11274], "asr": "time where I'm like, okay, so what am I left to deal with? And I'm just in LA by myself, right when I signed my contract, like excited and like supposed to be the most exciting time of, you know, my career. And then it was just kind of, you know, I was like, I was like, I'm not going to do this.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 11274, 11658], "asr": "like so hard to be like you weren't even there when I broke a hundred thousand subscribers. You know so I was like this is like I have this written in my journal. This is like bullet points of things that I want to do this year and it just felt like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 14867, 15251], "asr": "But I think, let's see, when you're sharing with other people who Carol, your mentor, was to you, that is when I just light up. And that's really the ultimate reason why I started romance.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 15251, 15635], "asr": "thinking of you in a different way other than just being friends. Is when you kind of like lit up and started talking about, you know, hey I have to call it early tonight because I have a breakfast meeting at 6 in the morning. I was like, really? I was like, who are you gonna call?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 15635, 16019], "asr": "I had breakfast with that six AM. And you're like, oh, my friend, Dr. Carol Reinhart, he's my mentor, blah, blah, blah. And that's kind of what transcended my thoughts of you from friends to then like a little puppy dog like cocking his head like, what? Tell me more.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 16019, 16403], "asr": "And you're like, yeah, he's at the time, like 87 or something. And that was kind of the transcendent moment, a big moment for me when I got really interested in you. I was like, what guy is saying, oh, I want to carry on my 93-year-old mentor's legacy? And then talks about it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 4201, 4585], "asr": "But I think when my mom said it, I was thinking about it. Like, I was really trying to dig deep and think about it. And I think it was having that complete lack of independence when I was sick for that year. It was like, I couldn't do anything by myself.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 11951, 12335], "asr": "time I was home is like you have a year maybe six months after you graduate to like you do it yourself and I think that too is why I don't ask for much help because I'm like if I'm gonna have to eventually do it myself I might as well try as much as I can now but that's how", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 14059, 14443], "asr": "Angry? No, I don't know. I think that's just like that comes into play of how we're different because I think like you're relaxed and you weren't worried because you're like I'll get something it's fine. And even now I'm like I have to have.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 6972, 7356], "asr": "relationship and why don't you? Um, hmm. Okay, well the last time I think I considered ending our relationship was a Mitz meeting in, I think it was before.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 7356, 7740], "asr": "the most like before we actually sat down and had to have a conversation around it But I was just feeling like wanting to be single Because I was just like these relationships all these conversations like this is a high level of communication that truly", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 8026, 8410], "asr": "because we are operating in the space of like coming out of codependency and being very independent but we're still used to have the security of having each other and I've never been single aside from like prior to", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 8410, 8794], "asr": "to my dating life. So I know that's a different energy that you bring, that people bring to their space. And so I was wondering, am I comfortable being with somebody for, or being partnered either through you or through a series of people?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 8794, 9178], "asr": "partners until I'm dead. That's a lot to think about. So I was thinking, oh do I want to do that? But I was like, I don't think our relationship gets in the way of me being my own person.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 9178, 9562], "asr": "I think that's changed a lot recently, where I've been able to really embody that thought and like feel like, like forget that I'm in relationships with people and be like, oh yeah, let me check my phone and text so and so. Or like, oh yeah, let me reach out and, yeah.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 9562, 9946], "asr": "versus always just feeling compelled to be in contact with somebody. So that's why I think I didn't was um, just negotiating my investment in YouTube because there's been definitely times where I felt over invested or like when things are stressful, but", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 15261, 15645], "asr": "Well, clearly talking about figuring out finances for yourself and figuring out what we're going to do in terms of housing, habitation, rules. I think, yeah, for sure what's next is getting our", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 2955, 3339], "asr": "It's just, I guess, sometimes when I can tell you something that happened in the past and you can relate to this, then yeah, I feel the closest to you because you know, you know", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 4884, 5268], "asr": "to tell me? What am I hesitant to tell me? I mean there's nothing right now but I guess if I would like start dating again.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 2631, 3015], "asr": "time, well, nowadays, to people that will listen, that personally, as someone that has seen a lot of sickness and has been very sick, that it is more painful.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 3015, 3399], "asr": "to watch someone you love go through something like that, then to experience it yourself a thousand times more painful. Because I remember, do you remember that time, a couple years back when mom kept getting really sick?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 3729, 4113], "asr": "in the car on the way over and everything and I was in the back seat with her like holding a bucket for her and her hair like she's practically passing out, she's puking everywhere and we don't know what's wrong, her temperature is way up and I remember feeling like I was in the back seat with her.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 4886, 5270], "asr": "why? You're very very because as you know I struggle a lot with like when I know something needs to be done or conversations need to be had it", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 5270, 5654], "asr": "or like steps need to be made to move forward or anything like that. I have a lot of self doubt and trouble and you know that for a variety of reasons. And like I've always looked up to you in that", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 5654, 6038], "asr": "Like, no matter what you're going through, you're always able to put on a brave face and still put in your best and always do what needed to be done. Even if you didn't want to, even if you were scared to or anything like that, bravery is not about...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 11633, 12017], "asr": "time. It was more like my whole life has become like something that everyone else rallied for and I didn't really have a choice in what to do with it anymore. Anything that I do", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 12017, 12401], "asr": "or like it did became like an after-effect like well you survived cancer why would you do that and just throw away this opportunity that's been given to you or something of the sort.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 12962, 13346], "asr": "anymore. What if there was no more Jeanette to rally behind and give you guys a purpose of like to move forward? And then in the future when I didn't have cancer, I was like what", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 13346, 13730], "asr": "if whatever I'm doing like totally ruins like everyone's thoughts of me or like their plans for me or their ambitions for me. Like suddenly they fought for me so hard when I had cancer.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 121, 505], "asr": "An innocence? Yeah, I think it's like the vulnerability in you that makes you the creator that you are and makes you the artist that you are and I think that some of the best creators have", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 4903, 5287], "asr": "I feel like if you're not I don't know I just like feel like I wouldn't be able to like Sleep at night if like if it wasn't if all the hard work and the crazy schedule wasn't for something And so to like go through that with just like being like angry and", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 6944, 7328], "asr": "do and it's always just like a nice like it's just nice to get that from from someone you know I think when you're so often just pulled in so many directions and is there anything that I could do better to support you?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 8236, 8620], "asr": "That's an obvious one. I think as artists and often existing in a very white world and atmosphere, there comes a lot of criticism and criticism.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 8620, 9004], "asr": "There are so many reasons why that could happen, but I feel like we both do a good job of kind of keeping it out.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 9410, 9794], "asr": "Exactly, right, totally. Absolutely, I love that. Yeah, it's unbelievable that you think that, I mean, and that's why, clearly they matter to some extent, but it's about the success within yourself and how you feel about.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 9794, 10178], "asr": "yourself and like the people around you and having people around you that respect you and and love you and to me like that's like the baseline for my happiness. Okay.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 11023, 11407], "asr": "I mean, I feel like when we first met, like I saw so many similar, just like in like this, I feel like when people first like get to know me and I'm not like that comfortable with them, that there's like a very, very strong connection.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 11407, 11791], "asr": "very quiet, like you're focused, but it's not like an outward thing. It's like you process things like internally and wait, you know, until you're ready for it to like come out. And I feel like that's a really good thing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 11791, 12175], "asr": "I feel like I have a similar process. And I don't know if it's a difference. I feel like I've had so many people behind me that have literally forced me to do something that I've never done before. And I feel like I've had so many people behind me that have literally forced me to do something", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 12175, 12559], "asr": "me to accept my success and I feel like you don't often like embrace and and accept your genius and and I think that like it's", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 12950, 13334], "asr": "Oh my gosh, okay. Well, I always felt a trust in you. I think what was hard for me was to feeling that you didn't trust me maybe.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 13334, 13718], "asr": "I always like trusted you with me and I think even more so like those first rehearsals on the stage like in costume I'm so used to in that space when you're so", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 13718, 14102], "asr": "Honorable when you get on stage for the first time and you're dealing with the lights and adjusting and I'm so used to in My field as a classical dancer That being the time when you're most like when they come at you and then you know what I mean? And you're like, but I'm just trying to get my", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 14102, 14486], "asr": "And I'm like, but you didn't do this and got it. I gotta know where the floor is. And I feel like you gave me the space and that time which made me feel so much more confident in myself. And I completely was like, okay, I trust you. I trust you. I trust you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 4676, 5060], "asr": "which we haven't talked about. I found myself getting really numb with, you know, all of the numbers with the people from COVID who are dying and seeing the, you know, the pictures of", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 5060, 5444], "asr": "the refrigerated, you know, semi trailers for bodies and just that there's so much death around that there's a numbness that I've created around myself and because I", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 8059, 8443], "asr": "being affected by this. Yeah, no absolutely and even if someone was a bit older or they did have underlying health conditions, Covid has still shortened their life. They're not necessarily", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 10917, 11301], "asr": "And we're constantly the bearers of bad news, as if people weren't already having to deal with the most awful situations, they then get in touch with something that they want to do and we have to say, I'm really sorry, Covid restrictions mean that we just won't be able to do that right now, it's just not.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 14244, 14628], "asr": "that the whole world is having to COVID and not just COVID, racial tension, everything. Just everything is happening all at once. The great reset and everything changing and the world being different going from electronic money or cash to electronic money.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}], "test": [{"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 74162, 74546], "asr": "love for just even just the transience of like a relationship you can have with somebody. And I think that would help me in a lot of ways.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 74546, 74930], "asr": "Yeah, to be honest, I'm really scared if you do move up to the Bay or I move away or something and we have to break up or however it ends up working.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 7677, 8061], "asr": "And, I don't know, recently a friend asked me what it was like to be in love and that was the moment I went to. It would have been a crime to look away from.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 17958, 18342], "asr": "I think I'm nervous to see like when we have like full time how we're gonna be getting along with each other and like how It's gonna be obviously I want you to be there, but I'm like nervous about it because I think like our relationship has been a little sped up because of the long distance and", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 18342, 18726], "asr": "And like, ideally I would love to wait a little bit longer before we like got a place together, but it's like, sometimes like timing in life happen, whether we like it or not. And it just kind of seems like the right time. Otherwise it's like another year of...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 19171, 19555], "asr": "I just like don't want you to slowly be coming to LA for me just you know in case Obviously I want this to work, but there's no guarantees with anything And I just I would be I would feel really guilty if like it didn't work out and like you you know", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 19555, 19939], "asr": "New York has been your dream for a while and you've been here for quite some time so I feel bad. I already feel like heaviness about having you move as opposed to me and we've talked about it a bunch.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 37066, 37450], "asr": "Right. I think that I have, you know, my obvious fear, my reservation of that you've never really been in a relationship with a woman before, like serious like this.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 6048, 6432], "asr": "like your actions following and how you interact with me after, I can tell you took it to heart. Like when I told you I was dysphoric about my chest, you know, like anything.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 6432, 6816], "asr": "you thought could even slightly trigger it, you made sure to go out of your way to ask me, is this okay, is this okay? And just like the way you started learning sign language without me having to ask.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 21879, 22263], "asr": "yourself. I mean like you can't be perfect and like you're just so critical of yourself anytime you forget which is like completely fine and like you hardly ever forget. So I'm I'm surprised", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 22388, 22772], "asr": "And you have patience, but we know, oh my gosh, I have no patience. No, I know that. And how like I'm very fast paced and you're slow. So I'm surprised you said, actually, I wouldn't.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 22772, 23156], "asr": "even consider that a conflict because I mean it's something that we have to deal with but in terms of our relationship I would never see it as like a conflict you know", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 5971, 6355], "asr": "For days. For days. Yeah. Yeah. I remember all of it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 6355, 6739], "asr": "When were you proudest of me and why?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 26180, 26564], "asr": "And I mean, I think it falls on both of our shoulders, but I certainly look to you for a lot of guidance around your intuition as a mother, because I believe in you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 26838, 27222], "asr": "So I guess one of the biggest surprises is just how differently we're doing things versus what we said we were going to do when we were in that place of completely having no idea.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 46150, 46534], "asr": "when you had Naya. I've said this a bunch of times, you got another gas tank. It's unbelievable. You got a completely, you got an extra gas tank.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 46797, 47181], "asr": "The confidence in knowing that you can do anything is absolutely inspiring to watch. I have watched you take on projects and tried to learn from that and tried to...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 47508, 47892], "asr": "have been, it's amazing, a baby popped out and this incredible unwavering confidence in your ability to do anything. It's incredible to watch.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 55636, 56020], "asr": "it just tastes amazing and incredible. And it's a lot of work. It is a tremendous, tremendous amount of work. And I've heard you speak about, for the first time, levels of anxiety.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 56088, 56472], "asr": "you have to do and it's an insurmountable pile and there's just always stuff to be done. I remember three days ago, you didn't do something for like 30 minutes and you're like, I've got to get back to work. It was like, just take it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 56472, 56856], "asr": "Let's just take a minute. So I think your biggest challenge is with the level of commitments and desires and goals that you have set for yourself, which are incredible, which are.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 56856, 57240], "asr": "admirable which I think will bring you and our family tremendous tremendous value and reward in the future. The biggest challenge is how can you take that on?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 17389, 17773], "asr": "completely by accident. They called my phone, met her. We went and played pool. We went to the beach at night. The next day she came and she spent the night at the house. And it was just like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 71153, 71537], "asr": "I detected my understanding of righteousness. I mean, I detected what I needed to do through the course of my last incarceration, which was the longest I've ever had to do.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 11803, 12187], "asr": "I'm not a different Maggie, but you feel me? The evolution. Now you're a long, straight hair Maggie, chilling. Wow, yeah. I think that definitely. But the first time we met, as in like now in physical,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 54060, 54444], "asr": "Like, cause a lot of my main things are like, I've told you this before too, it's like me wanting to, if I'm helping people, I know I'm gonna be doing good, you feel me? Like once I can, if I'm helping somebody,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 59705, 60089], "asr": "Okay, that brought up two things in my mind. So universally, I'd say that. Okay. So maybe in a lifetime before, you feel me? I didn't get it right with wherever you were in your lifetime before.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 14978, 15362], "asr": "I hate it. Dishonesty I think is huge but it's not something that like\u2026I mean definitely it would weigh on me if that was an issue. I haven't had to really deal with that in my relationships but like\u2026", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 17377, 17761], "asr": "it and it's like I go with it too far and like it was an issue that we had so she probably warned you about that and also probably warned you about how incredibly obnoxious I can be in public. She was always having to like", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 31776, 32160], "asr": "I can't explain it. I can't explain it. But I don't feel the way I feel about you about anyone else. Not even close. It's just different. Physically different, obviously.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 7767, 8151], "asr": "because that's what's most conducive for my personal growth. So I was thinking about that, but I'm like, fuck it. I'm gonna wait, I'm gonna persevere, I'm gonna have patience and everything's gonna be better and then you're gonna be amazing for it and then everything's just gonna spiral up because of that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 6472, 6856], "asr": "Sometimes I throw it away and I just throw it across the room or something like that. There are times where I miss being around you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 13341, 13725], "asr": "I did. I do. Actually. It was a lot to think about. Trying, I was just, I can't be mad at myself. And because...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 13725, 14109], "asr": "It was like I can't, I didn't want to forgive you. I just wanted to just keep it upset at you and then for, I kept blaming you and stuff like that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 14311, 14695], "asr": "I wasn't upset. I wasn't angry. It wasn't nothing. I was just... I was just like, I'm over it. I forgive you. It's okay. I think it's alright.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 11187, 11571], "asr": "Otherwise, I think it would have been horrific for us, you know, personally. That's what I think the greatest challenge we had as a couple that we recently overcame. That's what I think.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 17574, 17958], "asr": "The fact that a lot of viewers want to know why I didn't take my shades off. No. Alright. I hope I don't have anything in my eyes, but being assaulted in corrections.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["f6aNo5Mod9I", 17958, 18342], "asr": "And you and my mother, seeing me on the visit floor, shackled, face deformed and swollen, still bleeding.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 10680, 11064], "asr": "I made the right choice if you had to distinguish between what was the right thing to do. And that was he had been suffering physically and mentally for so long.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 11176, 11560], "asr": "who'd never threatened to take your life and never tried at least, right? So in my head I was like, not that I was like, oh, he's a lost cause,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 11560, 11944], "asr": "But how many times does he need saving? Like, am I a bad sister when I didn't check on him first? I checked on you. I didn't talk to him. I didn't talk to him.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 11944, 12328], "asr": "him at all. And I didn't say, I don't remember if you pulled up my phone from then I actually don't know but I just remember thinking, oh my god my little sister. And I just immediately sided with you because I was like, I know that", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Cusa1_4R_QI", 26349, 26733], "asr": "Just the bullshit, all the teardowns, all of that. The only people that get that are the people that are strong enough to take it. And that can take it and grow a flower bed out of it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Cusa1_4R_QI", 28810, 29194], "asr": "really stop a lot of dreams and a lot of purpose and a lot of things that I really wanted to do because of feeling less than because of feeling other because of feeling not good enough", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 19874, 20258], "asr": "You're most similar with just the way I feel that I could be myself with. And we can go on adventures. And I wouldn't be scared of taking you with me anywhere. I feel like that's one of the most attractive things.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 20258, 20642], "asr": "I could bring you to any of my friend groups and be like, yeah, this person is great. And that feels really good to me that I could do that. And that's something that I'm really attracted to. I also am attracted to women who are more masculine. And you have.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Zrer1sqWzOQ", 1316, 1700], "asr": "stroke, I fell over in the bathroom and then you knock the door, Mom, you okay? I said, No, Mom, I'm not okay. And then you said, open the door. I said, I can't move.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YDI27aeM2O8", 23264, 23648], "asr": "like You just have an ocean inside you, you know, I Don't think you know how big it is and it's clean Like there's no garbage in the ocean like there's no like sea turtles pulling straws out of their throat", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 3396, 3780], "asr": "There's not an aspect of it that I don't see you not ready to embrace. Whether it's listening, whether it's admitting that maybe you didn't do something quite right and trying to do it better next time, whether it's...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 3780, 4164], "asr": "it's just making sure that this child feels so unconditionally loved and supported. There's not an aspect of parenting that I don't feel like", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 17027, 17411], "asr": "I think my greatest concern is feeling further away from you. My issue is feeling left out, feeling seen, and feeling appreciative.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 17330, 17714], "asr": "I saw some images and I saw basically what was a transcript of what he said in those", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 19849, 20233], "asr": "I have faith enough in my family and I think my family has long known my views on a lot of things like this that I won't you know have any of them shun me or anything", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 22412, 22796], "asr": "is why. Yeah it can be rough out here I swear like I say it's easy to dive into everything that's negative going on and I try to take a break from social media because it's", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 17183, 17567], "asr": "that you have a voice and I see you start to use it and that's you interact with other people and people don't reject you and that's, it's beautiful to watch. I think that's it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 7381, 7765], "asr": "That's me too. I think that was the hard part about when we left. Leaving him behind. Leaving him behind. And it was a hard decision to make because", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 7765, 8149], "asr": "because we want you to have a happy childhood, and we want you to go to school free of fear and intimidation based on the color of your skin. And we wanted to stay and fight, but you have to make a decision when it is crossed.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 8149, 8533], "asr": "over to harm mental health and physical health and that was a really hard decision but it couldn't be about staying just out of pride because if it was about staying about being stubborn being proud we'd still be there.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 11760, 12144], "asr": "I kind of hit on this before, but I think that I seriously questioned myself two summers ago when I stepped down from the church and stopped preaching. And that came as a result of some pretty harsh...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 12144, 12528], "asr": "racism. And I grew up in an all-white church. I grew up in an all-white town. I thought that that place was a safe place to take my family.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 12528, 12912], "asr": "and to raise my family. And I felt like the rug was jerked out from underneath of my feet when things were happening to you and your sister that I don't remember being a part of my childhood and that was selfish on my part because.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 12912, 13296], "asr": "Because the childhood I had was way different because of the colors can I have. That neighborhood and that town have a lot to offer but, or they did.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 13309, 13693], "asr": "little kid, but I fit in real well there. And I thought that they were going to embrace us the same way, and that you were going to have that same type of experience. And I really had blinders on. And so when that happened\u2014", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 13693, 14077], "asr": "It made me question the church I'd belonged to all my life. It made me question my faith. It made me question all the Bible stories that I had been told. You know, it made me go back to even look at the first Bible I was ever given, and Moses was...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 14077, 14461], "asr": "Really white, and Jesus was white, and all of those different things that we never talked about. And it rocked my world, and it shook me for, I'm going to say, a good couple of years.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 14461, 14845], "asr": "And I feel like now, starting to get my feet back underneath of me about that. Did I answer your question? Yes. What advice do you have for other kids?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PM3oaJMiDd4", 20277, 20661], "asr": "there's a word. Love seems like a really inadequate way for me to be able to to describe that. And my mom always used to tell me that, well Nan and Pat both used to say that being a parent is like having your heart outside of your body walking around unprotected.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 13513, 13897], "asr": "way of doing things and I said I never wanted to get so I never wanted to get attached to you because if I had an attachment I would have not have let you you would not have gone to Chicago or I probably would have gotten an apartment somewhere near Chicago and I would have been living there because of the attachment", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 13933, 14317], "asr": "because I wanted you to do your own thing which why I don't you know keep telling you not to do you because I told you how to do you which is weird so I won't do that no more but I'll still not make you you know I still won't have you go stuff like I don't want you to be reclusive I don't want to go back to that", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["J4XrvnkftL8", 18302, 18686], "asr": "You're 27 and I don't only are you 27 but you're 27 and amazing and shit you come from me so that makes you like double amazing and your father's you know he's got some good stuff so it's a lot of stuff in you and don't take it so seriously.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 10408, 10792], "asr": "Hug you, kiss, stuff like that. Yeah, that's the first thing. And then, oh, like being that we both like are doing things so like you're working and I still have to go.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 8040, 8424], "asr": "I do now, but to me they have the same ingredients. They're both dirty. It doesn't matter. But no, you come in and you add this kai papas and you separate tea towels and clothes. And then all of a sudden you separate", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 12568, 12952], "asr": "To lead the safety of my home, that I can't let down this, you know, so I was a, he's got a big heart, loves everybody, hey. That's the gift of himself, but at home, I put that guard down, and then when I'm at my most vulnerable, my guard's down, I lose it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 12952, 13336], "asr": "And you needed to be strong, you needed to stand firm, dig your toes in and put that mirror up and you've done that two or three times where you reflected back my behaviour by just telling the truth.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PDd6qEv0_7c", 13994, 14378], "asr": "When I had no answers other than accept the truth of what I was facing, which was myself. It was humbling. Humbling and vulnerable to say, yep, I'm still not ready.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 2333, 2717], "asr": "I think of just being able to have the mornings with you every day. And that's like my favorite thing.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 14017, 14401], "asr": "Yeah, definitely. You know, I, um... You know, it's never my intention to... to show my ass in that way with anyone, but especially you. And so I...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 14705, 15089], "asr": "like being able-bodied and not having any visible disabilities and in like knowing that I had access and stuff like that but really digging deep into like", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 15745, 16129], "asr": "a lot more aware of maybe some of the things I say or even the activities that I want to do or what have you. Yeah. Ooh.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 3783, 4167], "asr": "Like imagine being a kid and you're in a fucking bathroom and you're just so overwhelmed with shame and embarrassment and you're taking care of a 50 year old and everyone in the room is pitying you because your parents drunk at the party or you can't pay the fucking time.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 5848, 6232], "asr": "I'm hesitant to tell you. I think that sometimes I present to you that I am absolutely", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 6592, 6976], "asr": "And I think that there are some days that I can, there are some days where I can say, no matter what happens to you, if you were to relapse, if you were to die, I would be okay. But there are other days.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 6976, 7360], "asr": "Like, I don't know. I think that you're relapsing, but being okay or going back to rehab or going to jail, to still have you in my life.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 19293, 19677], "asr": "No, but I mean, it's taught me to be kind with myself. I think you have shown me a certain level of...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 19677, 20061], "asr": "I mean, you do a lot more writing than I do, so you've kind of been a good example. These are the things that you do to stay sane. Because I watch you try", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 20061, 20445], "asr": "to stay sane and I'm like, oh, I should do those things too. But actually, because there was a while where you weren't sober and I was like not really sure that you were going to get", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 20445, 20829], "asr": "sober again. I was like genuinely scared about that. So I think the biggest thing that your sobriety has shown me is that...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 21091, 21475], "asr": "Is it going to be a few more years of drinking before she decides she wants to get sober again? So I don't really know what's going to happen and that it's just so possible. I feel like you came from like a...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ISDlekZd3lI", 19966, 20350], "asr": "You've seen the movies or read the books. The guy is in some morbid void or something's happening and he got to come to the realization that that's not his reality.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 21673, 22057], "asr": "I've laughed so much growing up that, and all I've ever wanted to do was cry. And so now at this age, I think I'm crying more because I'm standing in the truth that it's okay to be angry and cry and it's okay. I don't have to be the life of the world.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["jn_3yDP58Ik", 22241, 22625], "asr": "and being right or being right and doing right. I'm tired and so I want to cry more and I think it's good for me because I think I've laughed myself into my early 30s and now in my 40s that's all the hell I do. Cry like what is wrong with you? Stop crying because I've been", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 10038, 10422], "asr": "that but yeah. I get that. I'm sorry about your friend too. Yeah it's okay like life happens. It happens and it goes on even if we're", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 21506, 21890], "asr": "meet again.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 21890, 22274], "asr": "that there are good people and they want you to be living your best life. That's amazing that I wish I had said that because like it's what I'm feeling right now.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 632, 1016], "asr": "You had a lot of ziti. I know you had a lot of ziti that night and you were nearly single. And you were swiping on Tinder and you swiped right on a girl who invited you to her wedding.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 10685, 11069], "asr": "I mean, I would tie it back to the sort of dark side, the demons that you have and how rarely you do share them with me, even though I know they're there and I think sometimes I can see you kind of focusing on that more but then you still won't let me in. Like I know that there are things you keep from me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 5722, 6106], "asr": "the couple things that you did not fully disclose to me, but those don't make me as mad. Like, okay, you didn't even know for sure if you're gay or bi or whatever term you wanna use, so you couldn't ultimately.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["EgeWk8MSGdU", 11532, 11916], "asr": "you want to play with this girl or whatever, we just do. It's not cheating. It's already harder to cheat because we're just open about that. I guess what I'm saying, what would cause you to want to... Leave? Yeah. Whether it's cheat or break up me, if that's the case...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 12351, 12735], "asr": "them being so against us being together. Not letting us see each other, not wanting us to talk to each other. And we were just constantly either trying to see each other in secret, like always looking over our shoulder.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 12735, 13119], "asr": "or just like defending ourselves to them. And I think it was also us being afraid that they wouldn't, especially on your end. I think you held back on that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 13119, 13503], "asr": "connecting a lot because you were worried of what would happen because like you had a lot at stake way more than I did and I think even though at the time you were really confident like you were willing to give up everything we also", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 18291, 18675], "asr": "Ever since I was little, I dreamed up this perfect person for me. And then I found it in you. And even if you and I change as people...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 18675, 19059], "asr": "We have a very strong friendship. Like you're my best friend. Like... Ever. That I've ever had. And we're very identical too. Which does not work out for everyone, but I think for us really works. So even if we both...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 19163, 19547], "asr": "We adapt a lot and we're also best friends. So I just couldn't foresee a time where we would want to get a divorce or not work through something because we were just so different. Because even if we do become complete opposites, which I don't really", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 1272, 1656], "asr": "I would say loud. And I don't mean loud like the amplification of our voices. I mean like loud and big and like full. Bold.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["NqPyUVxupzk", 14837, 15221], "asr": "I don't think you could ever be too much. Like any person, I don't think, I think no one could ever be too much of who they are. And if someone tells you that you're being too much or implies that you're being too much, then they're not the right person for you because the person who's right for you would never think that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 15059, 15443], "asr": "I don't think I'm someone who like, I don't think I hate my body. I don't think I am uncomfortable with who I am. I think other people are.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 7338, 7722], "asr": "from prison and you know daughter our daughter our kids from prison you know so and all the challenges that presented so yeah I wish you had never had to experience that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 14868, 15252], "asr": "and you cook splendid meals and whatever that you think they might like. You spread the house with their pictures. That's really helpful to me because sometimes I really like it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 12234, 12618], "asr": "Hmm. It wasn't resentful towards you, it was just the circumstances. Everybody, whenever we had family meetings, being like, Oh, how's Donnie? What's she up to? Is she okay? How is her eating disorder? And then for me, I was just like, Wow, you're so tall, you grew a lot.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 12618, 13002], "asr": "And like that was it and so I felt like everybody cared about you, but they didn't really care about my life so much, right? But I think also getting so much closer to you at such a young age when you're going through a phase where you became a lot more I Guess I could use the term", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 4156, 4540], "asr": "Like meeting you was like being able to officially say like, no, I totally like girls. Yeah. And having, meeting you was the first time I went public and it was the first time I had a boyfriend.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 4540, 4924], "asr": "people judge me and the first time people like got in my business and my relationship and had to say something negative so like it was the first it was a big growing up process for me of being like fuck you guys I don't care what you have to say", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 8226, 8610], "asr": "I think the hardest thing for you is juggling both me and Stephen at the same time. Because we are both very like, you're very quiet and you tend to, like even then we argue.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 8610, 8994], "asr": "you want to talk about things like after versus me and him it's like nope let's get this over right now like we want to talk about it right now like what happened and you're just like nope leave me alone yeah let me breathe for a second", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 19410, 19794], "asr": "I don't know, you became like my best friend. I'm a caregiver, like I always take care of you guys, but I felt like so loved when you did the same for me. And like when we were in Paris and I was in the hospital and you tried to...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 19794, 20178], "asr": "do everything to like take care of me or when I'm sick and you made me soup and stuff like that. So I mean you're like the one person I can trust with everything.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 6518, 6902], "asr": "Trump supporter and then the other side is very Catholic. So there can be a relatability. I mean, as a person who, you know, my birth certificate has an F on it. And I've always felt like that F stood for failure, you know, because I just failed to pass or failed to be good enough to be an acceptable.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 6902, 7286], "asr": "woman. And when I wear a dress down the street I get these looks and when I see a job opening for you know female bartender or whatever I know that whenever it says female they're not talking about me. No matter how I try. And I feel really", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 16192, 16576], "asr": "We first met during the runway show, but the funny thing is I didn't even want to be a model. I ended up going to my friend's house and they wanted to be a model. They wanted to be on American TV.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 16576, 16960], "asr": "America's Next Top Model and I was homeless at the time. I was in a really rough space and she would say, okay, if you come over and you work out with me and help me get in shape, I'll let you crash for the night. So every week I would come over.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 16960, 17344], "asr": "when America's Next Top Model was on. And we'd watch an episode of America's Next Top Model, we would work out to Richard Simmons, and then we'd re-watch the episode and drink a bottle of Jack Daniels and completely undo everything that we had just done. But when I watched the show, it was a season.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 17344, 17728], "asr": "that you were on. And I saw you just getting slammed for your identity so much and it really affected me really deeply and when you got eliminated I actually stopped watching.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 17728, 18112], "asr": "don't know who won the season, I didn't care. I was like, justice was not served. And I always wanted to meet you. I was like, this person is so amazing and I feel so connected to them and their struggle and who they are. When I saw you, I was like, I'm so happy", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["AwoeZ34MXOw", 6465, 6849], "asr": "I talk about how you first fall in love with the landscape and the waterways, and then you fall in love with the people. Because I think about my father, my mother, I think about you, I think about how...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ee8Qwiu4N50", 5412, 5796], "asr": "You've always been my best friend since day one, and that means a lot to me, because you show me what a friend is and what a friend should be. What about me? What do you think?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 1638, 2022], "asr": "Yeah. So openly and honestly, I think it depends on who I'm talking to. More and more, I would say that I describe us as a family where before I don't think that I did, I described us more as like my girl.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 5123, 5507], "asr": "Yeah. So I guess the hardest thing for me currently is just my, my mental health has been very challenging lately. And because of that, my", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 6684, 7068], "asr": "So we have had this conversation. We'll just be understanding. And I know that's like, it's a hard and big thing to ask, especially when your significant other and partner is sometimes not being themselves and they're not being as helpful.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 7068, 7452], "asr": "maybe around the house as they usually are or can be. So it's hard for me to be like, can you just be understanding that I am depressed and being lazy? But you have been incredible.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 765, 1149], "asr": "we were traveling, I think. Sun Valley, for sure. No, you know, it was Norway. I think it was Norway because everything went wrong. Everything. Everything went wrong.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 9360, 9744], "asr": "Because I know you struggle with that, that you're enough, and communicating that to you in a meaningful way as opposed to just saying it. And I know I need to work on that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 9744, 10128], "asr": "you are enough. You will always be enough. And I love you. And I love where we are and that we're doing right now. And that I need to do this.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 10643, 11027], "asr": "The answer, I have no other thing really to give you than love. I really do not have anything else to give you than that. I miss you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 19453, 19837], "asr": "But I think about it still. When I came home from work, to have two little girls come running up to me and hollering, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy's home, would be a great thing to do.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["gePl-HkAAD0", 9785, 10169], "asr": "And this is epicenter for our family. This building right here is like where we've had community sings when I was a little girl. I would come in here and my father would sing, we would sing. The whole community.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 18077, 18461], "asr": "how much I respect and honor and admire you and love you so much. I would never, ever want you to forget.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["QPr36vqA_yM", 14998, 15382], "asr": "I think it really teaches us that we are lucky. That we are dealing with some stuff right now. We both have individual problems and stuff, but I feel like I've really taken away from being grateful for my situation.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["QPr36vqA_yM", 19633, 20017], "asr": "and we're spending time together and stuff, it just like feels like it all makes sense, you know? I feel like your love makes me feel like here and like connected.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 7038, 7422], "asr": "Well, it's starting this visa application and getting you over here to the US so that we can start our lives together and get married. Yeah, I think it's pretty soon.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 16553, 16937], "asr": "African households and if you know you know We just we just have like a lot of responsibility on us already from home and also like being in Canada", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 16937, 17321], "asr": "feeling like you have to represent your people everywhere you go. Sometimes it can be a lot of pressure. But on a positive note, ways that we're similar, we're also artists.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 13931, 14315], "asr": "Like I think a big part of it is in long distance relationships, when there's an issue you can't just hug someone and move on. Like you actually have to hug.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 14315, 14699], "asr": "go into the problem and realize this is being caused by this because I feel like this. And like I recognize a lot of time like a lot of my issues are because like I feel insecure about something so I'm", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 14699, 15083], "asr": "taking it out on you. It's not because I don't trust you, it's just it's a personal insecurity. So we kind of have to figure that out and push through that and then that solves like a", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Gb-eci1iTsY", 14924, 15308], "asr": "So I watch you just love and love and I think that I was saying this the other day that you just need somebody that will love you and you're just exhausting yourself really. And I just, I don't know.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 12598, 12982], "asr": "What do you do the most? Um... We have those times a lot, like I feel like honestly, like last week when we were just hanging out on the couch and we were just like really communicating and laughing and just like...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 12982, 13366], "asr": "It was just like, I don't know, I don't even know what we're talking about. But I do, it did stand out. I was like, oh, that was just like a really nice moment that we were just like, just kind of playing and just like connecting on whatever the heck we're talking about. But those are the moments that I.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 18976, 19360], "asr": "You can just pick a direction and go, I'll just do that, it doesn't matter. And I would tell you that you're just the most special person I've ever met and you surprise me every day. And you literally could do anything.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["WCCksxXbXkw", 8500, 8884], "asr": "Oh man. Okay. We are like polar opposites with handling anxiety. I mean, they say opposites attract. You involve me in every moment of stress and anxiety in your life.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 9937, 10321], "asr": "I always wanted to keep you aware of your surroundings as you were growing up. I mean, people think that people that get taken for human trafficking are being kidnapped off the streets. They're not.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["AnJC_bduosQ", 6454, 6838], "asr": "taught us something about one about ourselves and how we handle those things and about like the way the other person would handle those things true even recently you know what I mean like we're I mean like for me anyway like I feel like I'm really moving on from like", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 8594, 8978], "asr": "Like there's been times that, you know, just coming home has been overwhelming or maybe not having certain things or, you know, the pressures of coming home and the effects that prison psychologically may have had on me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 8978, 9362], "asr": "There are times where you're just sitting around a house and I don't even be acknowledging that I might be depressed. I ain't going to say I suffer from depression, but it's very prevalent in me at times.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 9502, 9886], "asr": "And I'm coming to grips with it. We talking about going on two years being free to 25 years of being away in an isolation. Even sleeping in a dog. I had to come to grips with that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 9886, 10270], "asr": "27 years, we had a light on, a dim light, so just sleeping in the dark was something to overcome for me. But I worked through that and I don't like to use it as an excuse because everyone's transition from incarceration.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 10490, 10874], "asr": "your own thing.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 10874, 11258], "asr": "Like I have to find a safe space where I can share things with you because society says within 36 months most people go back to prison. So I haven't even, I'm striving to make it to that threshold.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 18890, 19274], "asr": "Find what makes you happy. Even the sacrifice to get this job, it's not my passion, but it's going to make way for me to be able to enjoy my passion. You even sat back and you...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 19274, 19658], "asr": "You might not have understood at first, but you watched me. You watched like, yo, I'm not going to settle for this because this is what I want. And it's easier said than done. And I'm just glad that you afforded me an opportunity and the support and the leeway for me to fight.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 197, 581], "asr": "I don't feel like I'm missing out. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. There aren't necessarily times where I'm like, damn it, if only we had had sex. I think that in taking the long view, there's going to be", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cDXtKSnAEQs", 9272, 9656], "asr": "I'd like to say that I saw this all in the future, like when I was sitting there the first time. Really? I saw this all happening or at least I saw the potential of it but I don't know. I think I was maybe just working towards just maintaining what we had at the time.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 2951, 3335], "asr": "Once we got to the Airbnb, helping you bring all your stuff upstairs, showing you the room we'd be staying in. Our little walk, it wasn't even around LA, it was like down the block.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 8032, 8416], "asr": "you kiss stuff like that. Yeah, that's the first thing. And then, oh, like being that we both like are doing things so like you're working and I still have to go out and get orders.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 12433, 12817], "asr": "That's definitely my main point of, I want to say interest. I guess I just, I need to be even more open. Because like, lately it's only been.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 12817, 13201], "asr": "even things that I have trouble with myself, trouble with myself with. And then it's immediately that just I need to deal with it. I need to figure out a way to, I need to wait, I need to figure out a way, I need to figure out a way around it. I need to figure out a way around it. I need to figure out a way around it. I need to figure out a way around it.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UnQEcquyAYI", 4042, 4426], "asr": "I sometimes wonder, what would it have been like had we not taken any steps and we just continued to live in that mindset and that type of lifestyle and whatnot. I don't think I'd be in the marriage that I'm in now.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UnQEcquyAYI", 5168, 5552], "asr": "I mean obviously all the usual stuff, you know. I wish that we lived in a place that was just more accepting and open to who we were.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UnQEcquyAYI", 5552, 5936], "asr": "or who we wanted to be. Yeah, just realizing that all of that was kind of denied to me when I was younger. And then for you too, but I feel like you just kind of fought for me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UnQEcquyAYI", 10999, 11383], "asr": "You know, and I think it's, it makes sense because, you know, like I said, I'm still trying to figure out myself now as an adult and I never had that space to figure out anything. But I also feel like...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UnQEcquyAYI", 14701, 15085], "asr": "And that scared me because I didn't want you to you know hurt yourself at all because of feeling anxious and out of control and stuff like that, and I didn't know how to", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 7139, 7523], "asr": "I'm going to give you an explanation. The thing about when that happened and I wanted to talk about it because at the end of the day, yeah, I may not have spoken to you about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was still my friend. So the fact that that happened to him, I'm like, can I, you know, at the moment I was with you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 8099, 8483], "asr": "And that's when I feel like as my girlfriend, you should have not shut your feelings off, but put them aside a little bit and just hear, like heard me out. I didn't want your feedback. I just wanted you to be a listening ear some ways I could.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["rXHmySD2DXE", 12337, 12721], "asr": "would have gone the way if life would have went differently for me in August, no in July differently for you last year, there was no way we would have been friends on Facebook yeah but it wouldn't have been.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 6974, 7358], "asr": "No, man. I haven't found a relationship, but I've found some really, really cool people. There's some that I've seen, discovered and talked to that has actually changed me and they don't even know about it. It kind of sucks, like some of them might not even talk to me right now, but at the end of the day.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 9239, 9623], "asr": "There's a lot of experiences. Really? Yeah, there's a lot. But the most obvious thing was what happened here this year. What happened in March really brought us closer. Emotionally we were always connected.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 9623, 10007], "asr": "It's about like even spiritually sort of thing like what happened in March and the way you acted upon it It like it showed us another side of you a side that's like been a bit quiet But like this time you you wanted to show people", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 10007, 10391], "asr": "what you can do and that just brought us a lot together I would say so because like what I wanted to do is like I wanted to help you as much as I can it's like to get whatever you wanted you know like do so like you put all your money", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 10391, 10775], "asr": "emotions away and then you just wanted to help each and everyone. That was one of the most phenomenal things I've seen. Seventeen years of you living, that was in you, but this year you brought it out. Then you showed the world, not just New Zealand, you showed the world.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 9776, 10160], "asr": "I think one thing that just popped in would be what would happen if we have to live in separate countries.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 8134, 8518], "asr": "So I think the weird thing is, is like when you have something traumatic happen to you, you don't know, like, you would think that I would remember like the exact day it happened or like the weather outside.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 8693, 9077], "asr": "And I remember telling her like, oh your brother is so cute, but I was 13 and he was 19. And I was like, you know, like you always have, I think you always have a crush on like your older...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 9077, 9461], "asr": "Boys? I don't know. But it was like so innocent and then she told him that I guess I thought he was cute and at night I was sleeping on the couch and she actually was messing", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 9461, 9845], "asr": "around with his brother. Or no, his friend. And so I was on the couch and then all of a sudden, like, he was on top of me. When you were 13. Yeah, and I froze. I didn't know what to do. I was like, oh my god, if I just don't move.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 1748, 2132], "asr": "Of course, I remember being extremely inebriated to the point where I walked to the stadium by myself and completely forgot to even say goodbye to you. And you having the right seat, maybe three rows behind me.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 9350, 9734], "asr": "because I see my stepbrothers and stepsisters are like popping out kids left and right, doing drugs in and out of jail. And the only reason I bring that up is because they still have a connection with my father.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 9734, 10118], "asr": "So obviously something in that side of the family wasn't going on like doing anything good. And I try to stay as clear away from that as possible. I had my opportunity to have a relationship with my sister.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 972, 1356], "asr": "Yeah. Yeah. Actually when you are slightly upset that's when I need to be closer. That's when I need to", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 1356, 1740], "asr": "when I need to find ways to be close to you, to try and make sure that that storm that's inside of you is settled. Because when that's happening, I'm unsettled. I know that look.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 11418, 11802], "asr": "Sometimes I remember lowest Eve wasn't as powerful as it was with you. It was when our baby put her hand", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 15892, 16276], "asr": "how I mentioned about your confidence and stuff like that. Sometimes I think, while I'm concerned that you let opportunity go, it concerns me that you have all the skill and you'd rather push your husband out the front.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["cW2jnkrf5ck", 17960, 18344], "asr": "the second marriage and I come off the first marriage so our baby comes off both marriages and it's just like wow it's just like it's meant to be. Yesterday determined us today.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vN77UJcjXeo", 3341, 3725], "asr": "That was difficult. And then also, for me, what I learned was that I can't take things for granted. That someone's going to be able to, that every gathering isn't", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vN77UJcjXeo", 11435, 11819], "asr": "Mama over and then Mama, I get Mama on the phone, so Mama, I'm over at Lynn's house, we're over at Lynn's, can you come over, I gotta talk to you about something. She's like, you're not getting married, you're too young to get married. I'm like, oh yeah, just make it worse. Because she knew it was something serious if we were coming to your house.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 11513, 11897], "asr": "I was going to go back to my separation from your mom, divorce and all that. Because I felt like you were like eight years old and you didn't understand anything so I didn't bother explaining. I was kind of always avoiding that.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 11897, 12281], "asr": "that conversation until you got older, became a teenager, and I always feel the most vulnerable when I bring that subject up. Because I want you to be clear and understand. So you know, so you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 12281, 12665], "asr": "don't make up your own assumptions and and be in your own mind about what happened and feeling sad like that's you know that's that's the times that I feel the most vulnerable is because I have to it because I know that it was my fault so it's makes me feel exposed you know it makes me feel", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["wkoDTA_hLIE", 4008, 4392], "asr": "I feel, well first of all, I have to be touched somehow, some way. So we will be meeting.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 1034, 1418], "asr": "It's probably not when you're feeling the sexiest. Really? But when, just when you're playing with the baby and holding her and kissing her and...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 17084, 17468], "asr": "There's so many reasons. You're beautiful, you're funny, you're an amazing mother, incredible wife.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 17958, 18342], "asr": "I love my job. I do. I like what I do. But I like coming home so much more. It's...you've made our house into a beautiful house.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 18344, 18728], "asr": "Mm. I guess care. Care for you, care for... Just, I guess the freedom for you to be or say anything to me. Comfortability, when she feel comfortable, when she feel comfortable.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 3022, 3406], "asr": "It was a dick move. That's why I was saying before, that's why I was getting out of hand and controlling and aggressive and really just trying to restrict everything, which is exactly why I had to give you... I gotta let you go.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 3406, 3790], "asr": "I can't just how I was acting I already knew I was a toxic one and my own insecurities of that one because of what I did affected everything Mm-hmm, so It's basically just my ego got in the way", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 11646, 12030], "asr": "my mess up made me think she's out there going to cheat on me. And I couldn't sleep. And it got to the point where I...", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 2732, 3116], "asr": "Like I see so much potential in you and I push you so hard. I'm on your ass so much because I care. It's not like I'm just like dragging you or I'm not just like, it's never with ill intent anything that I say. So yeah, I think just like,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 3158, 3542], "asr": "that I'm in your corner fighting for you, wanting you to win, wanting you to succeed, breaking down every boundary, reaching your goals, and I'm gonna be right there with you to do all those things, you know? So, that was like.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 8063, 8447], "asr": "As connected as we are, if you're going through it, then I'm going through it. There are times when you hit lows that fear, like I fear for you because I can't read you as well at those times.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["ZjUJdewD5b0", 8506, 8890], "asr": "one, taking time out to just focus on one another and talk and listen with the intent to understand and not to just respond or speak.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YI30GzlffAA", 4017, 4401], "asr": "Um, I don't think that bothers me. I mean, maybe it does a little bit, but it's gone. It's in the past now. Yeah. I don't think like that's the biggest.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["YI30GzlffAA", 6423, 6807], "asr": "Yeah. I remember being happy that I could see you, but I really felt like I was, I kinda like didn't belong. I don't think I also ever told you this, but like on the drive back,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 3550, 3934], "asr": "The way that I'm wired, I can't speak for anyone else. As a 30 year old man, I did it legally, I got a card in California, and it literally is something that's not like I'm addicted to, it's not a drug in that way, it's something I'm like, has been,", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 3934, 4318], "asr": "It's helped me as a creative, it's something that helps me focus and I was like if I had, if they had the awareness of cannabis in college, I would have been a superstar student and I'm like I had ADD or whatever you want to call it, whatever that conversation is a whole other thing.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 12038, 12422], "asr": "But I had my experience of what I was going through during that time too, and it's all it's just as valuable as what you experience And again, I ask the questions I want to be asked and I am sharing things I want to be shared with as well, you know", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 12422, 12806], "asr": "So I don't I'm in no way shape or form when I ever take away what you're experimenting it is 50% of The conversation becoming whole from where I'm standing, you know And I think the more you trust that in me and the more you give me the grey", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 12806, 13190], "asr": "even despite things that unconventionally as they look and untradit, we don't have a conventional relationship. We have the circus of a family.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 13190, 13574], "asr": "I married into magic, you know what I'm saying? Your dad being a magician your whole life, you were not raised normal, I was not raised normal. Here we are as dysfunctional and awesome and crazy as it is, our little circus family, we have to find what works for us.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 13842, 14226], "asr": "with you and you feel safe with me. I want to work backwards from that experience. There's going to be plenty of unconventional, untraditional things that we're going to go through in the nature of our trajectory, but that's more I think the productive part of the conversation, don't you think?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 1206, 1590], "asr": "on your face when you just had to look me in my eye and not kind of hide behind that smile. I think I really knew because you were comfortable enough to, I guess, allow me to see that part of you.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 14618, 15002], "asr": "that was empowering. So I feel accepting of it, okay about it, fuck I talk about it. Especially having so much shit about it, telling my friends. I think that's a lot for me. And not being attached to how people are gonna react.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 17073, 17457], "asr": "Also, how much love you have in your life. And you still have not even welcomed a fraction of that into your life. And you already see how much fucking love you got in your life.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 8371, 8755], "asr": "That was. My turn? Yeah, I think you can. I don't know. Are you?", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["sdnaCBejMmw", 14313, 14697], "asr": "Yeah, that was the only time the entire time you had cancer that I Because most of the time I was just like what the doctor said meant nothing to me I was just like she's gonna live she's gonna fight through this. It's just go she's gonna be there", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 6453, 6837], "asr": "All of the transitions that you're experiencing in your life, there's so much and there's so many different layers to all of the new chapters of Misty Copeland that I think I would love to do a better job of just", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["LxkeABQfXJU", 10552, 10936], "asr": "of and especially learning more and more about you. There's so many reasons to have respect for you and to champion for you. You know, it's like, it's one thing to see someone succeed, but it's when you know someone's full story and you know they're a wonderful person.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 911, 1295], "asr": "It breaks my heart to say that I can't help them right away because you know you get a call from a family it's the first time someone has passed and they don't know what to ask they don't know what they're feeling and I can give them all this information I can walk them through the process I can give them.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 1295, 1679], "asr": "Pricing on services, I can describe all of their options to them. But when it comes down to, can you pick up my loved one? I have to say, I don't have space. I have that capacity. I can put you on a wait list.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 8659, 9043], "asr": "And I mean, let's just be frank, in your line of work, that is a time where a lot of people and families can be exploited very easily.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 9043, 9427], "asr": "And I think you found a way to not only serve your purpose but to serve others, and by giving them information, and by also learning.", "speaker": "p0", "listener": "p1"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 17491, 17875], "asr": "Maybe it's not love yet or whatever, but I just... It's something that I'm feeling that I haven't... It's just an intense feeling that I have, and that's what comes to my tongue when I see you, when I say goodbye to you, when I... I don't know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 17875, 18259], "asr": "when we're laying in bed next to each other, it comes to the back of my teeth. And I don't say it. Because I don't know, it's the same thing for me. I'm hesitant, it's very important to me that I mean it. And it's very important to me", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 18259, 18643], "asr": "the person who says it to me means it. And I think that's why I haven't said it to you. Because I know, like, I feel so strongly like I mean it. But I just want to be sure. But I don't know if, like you're saying, like how do you really, how can you be like so,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 18643, 19027], "asr": "So sure, so positive, I wanna be so positive. And I think really what I need to be positive about it is to know that it's reciprocated. But I don't, that's why I preface this by saying.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 25689, 26073], "asr": "of the reason I don't want to say like I didn't want to say that because I just want to enjoy it with you because I don't know where you know I don't know where I'm gonna go to school and I don't know if I'm gonna move and you don't know where you're gonna be and it's like I just want to enjoy it and I don't", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 55005, 55389], "asr": "Oh my god. I like all your friends, I really do. I'll answer it though. You answer it, so I'll answer.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 66300, 66684], "asr": "I don't know. I don't it would depend on what the situation was, but I just think there's no reason for it and I mean there should not be a reason for it, and if there is if you feel that there is I don't want to be", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 66684, 67068], "asr": "here anyway. If you feel that you're not getting something from me then I'm not, this isn't right anyway. Because if we're having great sex, if we are, you know, we have a great connection, if we can talk about it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 68925, 69309], "asr": "Because I really care about you. And I think... If this, if you were to tell me like tomorrow that you don't ever want to see me again like... I honestly think I might be pretty devastated.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IH6KWbTogT0", 69309, 69693], "asr": "I'm not ready for that yet. And just knowing that something, you know, this could be over in a matter of months, depending on what happens in our lives, like, I...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 10841, 11225], "asr": "Yeah, yeah. I think it was also like, it was like such a rough year for us the year before and I like wanted you to look at me like that for like such a long time. So I feel like I finally got what I wanted and I kind of was starting to...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 13159, 13543], "asr": "No, it didn't. It felt unhealthy. It felt like, it didn't feel, it felt all real. But it, and I felt everything I was feeling was real. It just felt like I was trying to save a relationship that was gone. Like we were never going to be what we were in high school again.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 13543, 13927], "asr": "and like us being together in winter break and stuff like that felt like high school and that was scary to me from what I remember like because that's not, it's not what it was anymore and there was so much baggage every single time we hung out.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 26711, 27095], "asr": "But it was really, it was hard. In the beginning, I was like frustrating because I'm like, am I really dealing with this breakup feeling again? Like I'm not ready to deal with this again. So I would kind of just shut you off my brain. Like I didn't even want to think about you. And then there were like a few times where I really.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 70691, 71075], "asr": "Well, it was more like I used to say, like, you were like my world, and I was like part of your world. Like, it was like, you were my priority, and I wasn't... I was your priority, but I wasn't like your world. You had a lot... you wanted other things.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 71075, 71459], "asr": "going on and you were like no our relationship is it this is it for me and I never want that again I want my relationship to be only a part of my world but that also is making me naturally not be vulnerable because I'm like well I don't want to fall for you because", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["P4ul1tuvi9c", 78571, 78955], "asr": "That's scary. Yeah. Um, yeah that was like, that's just like, cause I've always wanted to be like the girl that like, helped you sleep more. Hey, I remember like we used to sleep in the same bed, like when we first started doing that, I was like, well maybe this will help him like, sleep.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 22261, 22645], "asr": "reason I felt alone is because it was at a time where I was like, although I was completely comfortable with who I was and coming to terms with that and like my family knew and my friends knew and like I finally came out to it to like everybody. What held me back for so long was the stigma like that exact stigma.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 22645, 23029], "asr": "stigma and I was so afraid to share that with people because I was afraid that I was just going to be involved with the stigma which was something that scared the hell out of me. So when it was being brought up I felt alone because I had nobody to talk to.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 23029, 23413], "asr": "to talk to in the sense that like I do I have friends and but it's they can't understand from a place where I'm at you know but we've talked about it before and now I feel more comfortable and confident in that", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 23413, 23797], "asr": "And you know, I feel like we're at a point now where it's like you are So terrified because of what you had to deal with in the past with whatever it did the nasty things they did", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 23965, 24349], "asr": "Now, I feel like it's almost like we joke around about it a lot. Like at the beginning, I was like, anytime we joke about it, like even if it was a joke, I would say, that's not funny. Like, let's not talk about it. That makes me feel like crap because this is something I was hiding for so long. But now it's.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 33447, 33831], "asr": "I was thinking of this when I was answering some other questions. When it goes back to when do I feel closest to you and this is something I should have brought up, but it goes into this. When you let me read your writings, you're a very great writer.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 33831, 34215], "asr": "You really know how to put whatever you're feeling on paper just perfectly. So when you're able to read that and you know I feel like you've trusted me a lot with knowing about your past whether it be like relationships, family, personal.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 39671, 40055], "asr": "Not like you're like this person. You're never like you're this person or never that. It's just, it comes from where it's like, I'm afraid you're gonna do this. And I'm like, you're afraid because somebody has once done that to you, but I've done that in return.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 40055, 40439], "asr": "to you. I'm afraid of things because somebody else has done it to me. It's human nature for us to do that. So it's nothing I could get upset over. But I always remind you that there's a reason I chose you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 40439, 40823], "asr": "and there's a reason you chose me. And I love you. And I just don't think of, just because you're the first serious one I've dated, like in an actual committed relationship, doesn't change anything.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 48159, 48543], "asr": "It can be intimidating it can be aggressive and intimidating but like some people struggle with that and At the end of the day you get what you want. Don't you and not in a bad way, but like You've worked so hard for where you're at right now", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 63149, 63533], "asr": "Absolutely not. We've talked about this a lot. Although they didn't end on terms that I'd like to, where I didn't get the closure that I wanted, which is easily something to eat at you. I took a lot of time for myself, which is something that you know,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 63533, 63917], "asr": "I don't do. I'm a giver. And taking a lot of time and just giving it all to me was important. And I was able to let go of any of that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["xkHwlcDSOjc", 65656, 66040], "asr": "I think the only thing what is I've always felt like when we were together like I was never your type and I felt that personally. My type? Your type if that makes sense. I always feel like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 9321, 9705], "asr": "confident but now I think it's just like your mind and the way you see yourself in the mirror just like connects so much more and it makes me so happy to see that and you're just like like a ray of sunshine just walking around cuz you're like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 14894, 15278], "asr": "with my parents, it was just like, oh, okay, you're queer. Okay, next day. But I think something is like, my dad has done it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["RzIxWA-ll8g", 65980, 66364], "asr": "If I hadn't met you, I probably would have thought my sexuality, I probably still wouldn't have thought of it, probably would have been like, oh, it's just like a funny thing that like, I like kissing whoever and whatever.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 24887, 25271], "asr": "How have I surprised you with my approach to parenting?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 27880, 28264], "asr": "Oh, that my daughter is going to die. I think, I mean it's just totally irrational, but I feel like that's, you know, it's like you look at this young little body and", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 28264, 28648], "asr": "It's just, it seems miraculous that it can ever reach adulthood, you know, especially when the entire world is a death trap. And I probably, the other iteration is always my deepest fear, which was...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 29083, 29467], "asr": "I think about it all the time. I think of it constantly. I think of mortality constantly in a way I never used to conceive of because it's happening in front of my face. It's happening weekly, monthly. And I see it. It's like watching a", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 29700, 30084], "asr": "And I look at her sweet young face and I just, I see my death and I see your death and I see our death. Somewhere in there is hers too. Hopefully I'll never see it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 48719, 49103], "asr": "Yeah, our relationship almost totally fell apart. We almost got the worst. Things were really shitty, really scary and and.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 49103, 49487], "asr": "And it gave us one of the most incredible lessons of all time, which is that no matter how in love, and I'll speak personally now, no matter how in love I am with you, no matter", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 49487, 49871], "asr": "no matter how perfect I think you are, no matter how perfect I think our relationship is, that those things alone won't get you through the thick and thin and into the years and the years and the decades.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 50195, 50579], "asr": "that I know of to withholding that truth of vulnerability that even our relationship is equal.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 50579, 50963], "asr": "equally vulnerable to change and decay as any others is the constant vigilance of working on it, constantly being active on it, realizing that every day we wake up and we choose to be together.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 50963, 51347], "asr": "And even now with the addition of a child, we're still choosing to be together. It doesn't matter that we're married. It doesn't matter that we live together. It doesn't matter that we have a family together. You and I as individuals are still constantly choosing to be together in this partnership.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 51347, 51731], "asr": "on a daily basis. And I think of that and it fuels me to constantly work on things and to constantly make that extra effort of you know if there's a snarky comment or I feel", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 51731, 52115], "asr": "disconnected from you or something comes up that it's not safe to brush it under the rug. Even with being together for 11 years, even with all this, it's still not safe to brush it under the rug. You've got to talk about it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["D8K1AAxkg0g", 52115, 52499], "asr": "it. We've got to talk about it.\" And I think it's that constant feeling of vigilance that is the greatest gift that I ever could have received from having gone on the ride.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 38102, 38486], "asr": "What did you do that attracted me from our relationship? When you start wanting me to be 17 again and I'm not, you want to do the whole that, I can't do that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["niEsUBm1l98", 46301, 46685], "asr": "It is a fact. But you know why? Because you have a son already. See, if we didn't have children, then it would be up to you. But now we have a reason to behave, why we have a reason to...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 20443, 20827], "asr": "So, you know, after the five months, we kind of were like taking it slower. Well, there was like a few moments, I think, that I was just like, well, because you know what caused", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sfUBZaWn2f8", 20827, 21211], "asr": "That's not to see five months, right? Yeah, that's true. Just like I... It was really hard after that because it was... The reason why I kind of didn't want to do it again is just because I didn't know when I was going to see you. Of course.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 7266, 7650], "asr": "well. I feel like you look like an equal for you instead of someone who's not from the same headspace or mindset that you are for sure. That's what I think.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 23383, 23767], "asr": "Uh, what am I most critical of? I'm a little bit hard on myself for sure. Um, I feel like I should be somewhere in life already and I'm not there.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 23767, 24151], "asr": "I mean, I'm sure everybody feels that way, but I'm just sometimes it can cause me to be a little unhappy and you know, just a little...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 27073, 27457], "asr": "Because some days I don't feel like the prettiest person in the world or whatever, but I feel like if you have confidence it doesn't really matter because that's going to have, you know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GJtqigeWHV8", 51471, 51855], "asr": "Probably. I want to say adventurous too. I would say adventurous. I mean, those all kind of sound alike to me, but. I thought of things and then words came.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["jg6y3LABwTs", 27867, 28251], "asr": "You're crying, obviously. Or I didn't enjoy it and I didn't want to think about it, but I said you. Because how on earth would I navigate everything, even though I don't turn to you for everything? How would I?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 11131, 11515], "asr": "Oh yeah, because the thing is it's like, it's not necessarily that I feel like it doesn't matter, but it's like even if I decided that I didn't want to move, you guys will go there regardless. So it's kind of just like, it's not me putting what I want to do to decide to please you guys, it's just you guys.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["FzCjvLU7u7Q", 11515, 11899], "asr": "you guys are opening my mind to something new. It's like I never thought of myself moving to California and then when me and Pre went, I was like, fuck, I love this place. Like, of course I wouldn't personally live there for a long time, but it's like, yeah, I would definitely live here for like a short while and experience it a little more, you know?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 24123, 24507], "asr": "But at the time, given when everything was happening, you know, it was kind of, it was selfish of me, the way that I, the way that it went on and the way I, like, reacted. Because I do feel like a couple times, when we have had, um,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 26606, 26990], "asr": "Yeah, it's something that I love very much. So it is fair enough like, to be like for that to not be the reason for us to get back together. Because yeah, and I wouldn't wanna stop. Because it makes me happy.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["WrWFSBLjWZU", 27273, 27657], "asr": "I started crying, but while I was crying I was dancing. So dancing is deeper than that for me right now, like way deeper than that. I know how you see me dance and I just get in my element.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Ak2Bm8mfL3w", 19681, 20065], "asr": "and like literally drained from you because we were just so happy you know it was the winter after we lost and you know it's just we had so much hope and I was so excited to be a tita.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Cusa1_4R_QI", 8291, 8675], "asr": "But even as a BK amputee, my leg costs $20,000. You know how many people do not have access to the internet?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Cusa1_4R_QI", 8675, 9059], "asr": "legs. I went from the time I was 18, I was about 24. I had the same leg. And you're supposed to be changed that every five years. By the time I was done with this thing, Lindsey, the I would be at work and my leg would just detach.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 5742, 6126], "asr": "But that's the thing about it in my life that I do you have to feel it and I'm not feeling it that often So yeah So I do have nice evenings or I do meet nice new people", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 24576, 24960], "asr": "or maybe a little bit higher, then you have to be very open and vulnerable, you know? Because you can't hide things because you know that the other one will see it. And if you are the...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oQNpe8uwSUA", 24960, 25344], "asr": "the not the better half but the smarter one then you can just show whatever you want and I don't think that's a very honest way. No. But I I", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 1632, 2016], "asr": "I remember being on a shit ton of mushrooms and being 21 years old and I remember you dropping down on on your knees in front of me and grabbing my waist and me being in", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 2016, 2400], "asr": "I'm in total shock at who was this guy and you just being really cute and total magic. Just I remember being so blown away by who you were and what I was.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 2488, 2872], "asr": "It seemed that the facts of our meeting, in the words of Brock Travis, were completely inconsequential to the amount of feeling that I felt in the moment, and that I needed to pay attention. And I did.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 6447, 6831], "asr": "so so fiercely want to be with our daughter as much as you possibly can. I just, I see it, you know, I see you literally like raising your hand as quickly and as fast as possible", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 6953, 7337], "asr": "And I'm tapping out, Ben Digger! And you're like, come on Naya, let's go read books in the living room! And then you come back and you're like, we just had the most special time! And it's the sweetest thing I've ever seen, and it's so sweet.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 26120, 26504], "asr": "I would describe, and I know I'm using a different word than explaining, but I would describe our relationship as in that equation of luck.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["V1tcw5SLwmM", 26504, 26888], "asr": "You know, I met this stunningly handsome, articulate man who just lit me on fire and who I could think of nothing like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 8302, 8686], "asr": "I don't mind you asking questions or when you reached out to me and asked me how am I and I knew immediately what you were getting at. You asked me how I was doing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MGXtWqf1_BA", 8686, 9070], "asr": "And that was very, very, very, very much appreciated. Like you mentioned, I am in no shape, fashion, form, the spokesperson for my race, but I can,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["S5BzmeLG238", 7353, 7737], "asr": "my addictive thoughts still consume me. Like even I was thinking about if I'm gonna be able to watch this back when it comes out.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Q0u2BSEimEo", 11132, 11516], "asr": "Maybe so, but that lack of understanding doesn't make you react negatively.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 7112, 7496], "asr": "So, you know, after the five months, we kind of were like taking it slower. Well, there was like a few moments I think that I was just like, well, because you know what caused?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 7496, 7880], "asr": "That's not to see five months, right? Yeah, that's true. Just like I... It was really hard after that because it was... The reason why I kind of didn't want to do it again is just because I didn't know when I was going to see you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 8857, 9241], "asr": "I guess with us how we were supposed to meet up, you know, like it was really, we're really bummed out for, I was bummed out for a little bit because. Same. It was, I was looking forward to like seeing you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 9241, 9625], "asr": "like a short amount in between. I think it was like two months, right, since we've seen each other last. So that, yeah, that would have felt a lot nicer than what we did last year, where we waited like nine months in between.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 11883, 12267], "asr": "In which ways has it changed since it started? I'd just say that like the biggest thing is that we actually did have, you know, to this was supposed to be in person, this was what you're supposed to have.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 12267, 12651], "asr": "We're supposed to have a whole weekend together with our friends and we're going to hang out with like my best friend a little more. And we're going to like stay on LA. But um, you know, and then our anniversary coming up and literally like", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KUyVkFQzU0A", 18220, 18604], "asr": "No, definitely. I would say that too, like it's not just flowers all the time and it's crying, it's you know being upset and mad and I'm getting over it. I'm working through stuff.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GbI73-A-BMQ", 21687, 22071], "asr": "Because I want to have babies with you, whether that's human babies, dog babies, plant babies. Right. Some type of babies. You know, because you're literally the first person that I truly was like, this...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 14769, 15153], "asr": "Pretty general answer, but like I said, I told you many times before. I think the timing is... It was right. It was just, you know, meant to be when we were both fully healed and ready to like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 15153, 15537], "asr": "go into it like clean slate, obviously to like the extent that we could. Like you said, you know, once we started building our relationship, you healed a lot more and things. But I think we were both healed enough to like go", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 15537, 15921], "asr": "into it and now, yeah, the things that you've, you've taught me in the last year, while it's, it's been an intense one for me, I think the, you're definitely around to help guide me through that because you've been.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 15921, 16305], "asr": "You've been through some shit. You've been through all the things. So for me to feel like I'm going through this intense learning curve right now, I think it's really good timing and that's kind of why it was now. One of the reasons, obviously, there's like a million. But with like the advice you've been able to give me...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["EMVL3jo83OQ", 17680, 18064], "asr": "Yeah, I mean, I think so. I've always said that, again, I don't know if that sounds mean or not, but I always have felt like I would have preferred you to be absent than to be like half-assed in being an alcoholic, you know?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["N-6L1u42cnw", 12986, 13370], "asr": "since we have an understanding. You know, I'm not trying to tell you what to feel, but I want you to know that I feel similar things. And if it's helpful to you to know that we have", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Lfg6awSFbmw", 2552, 2936], "asr": "to say something but I'm actually kind of like I'm focusing in not forgetting English that's what I'm doing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["uLE1b45zAN0", 7237, 7621], "asr": "and what the foundation of all what I believe strong relationships should be is that there's no hesitation to tell anything. Like I literally tell you every single thing. The only things that I possibly don't let you in on are the", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 14771, 15155], "asr": "Remember that day we went to Dumbo? Like the middle of the night. Which day? The first night when I like, you know those bells? And I was just kicking those bells? Um...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["IqQOzI4IB5Y", 15956, 16340], "asr": "or have ever said that that I love you too. Because I always used to think that like when you're in love with someone you're like like you're like constantly getting", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 12834, 13218], "asr": "I don't think that I'm attracted to cis males. You know what I mean? And I feel like that gets a little bit complicated because I don't want to undermine my life.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Pk16UT5-zeM", 14179, 14563], "asr": "male that I've had relations with. And I don't want that to be like something that defines how I choose to love people, you know? It's just something I'm very up in the air with.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 272, 656], "asr": "I remember I couldn't stand you. The first time we met, remember we played king ball and with me and my sister, that girl across the street, we had a nice game going on, here you come. When you got in the game, you were like, oh, I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["GzGQziEzXAA", 656, 1040], "asr": "You just started slamming the ball and you beat us so bad. I was so bad. And I remember, oh my God, I can't stand him. Who is that anyway? Because we had never saw you before, you know. And anyway, that was my first", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 4988, 5372], "asr": "you were sort of forced to grow up at such a young age and like go into this caretaker position for me. I think I feel bad because you still feel that responsibility like at home. Like I remember", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 5372, 5756], "asr": "Not that long ago, you told me that you feel like you're responsible for keeping the family together. And that if you were to set boundaries with Dad, that he would get a divorce from Mom, or that everything would fall apart. And that made me so sad.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 5756, 6140], "asr": "that you carried that weight and responsibility. For a lot of my childhood, I remember feeling like unloved, like you were the favorite. I would write mom like letters under her door and be like, why don't you, like, I feel like you're the best.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["fJ2BOxlucBQ", 6140, 6524], "asr": "you don't love me. Yeah, I always felt envious of you and really just like invisible. And I think my eating disorder sort of like brought us closer together because you were one of my biggest fans.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Mr1dUHPpXs4", 3427, 3811], "asr": "I am super jealous of like being not having to worry about how you're gonna pay your rent or like fuck I got drunk this weekend so I can't eat Monday or something. It's just like that I don't want to deal with anymore. And I guess it's funny because my barometer of success is like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Mr1dUHPpXs4", 3811, 4195], "asr": "like not as much fulfillment and is more like the security thing or like feeling comfortable and feeling safe and feeling like you can provide for yourself and for the people that you love. Like to me that's success and to me that you have that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 9284, 9668], "asr": "Yeah, because like you and Steven are different people. So it's like, Steven communicates with tough love. And it's like you communicate and like softer. Like you actually try to like sit there and understand. Steven just tries to like, tell me it's like, no, this is how it is.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 17956, 18340], "asr": "I think it's just really the kind of person that you are. Like you push yourself so much, not only like to do something, like to do something to get something done, but to get like your point across. It like, it made me kind of look up to you a little more. Cause it's kind of like,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zfjCR0KUV4U", 18340, 18724], "asr": "Kind of just like we were saying in the car earlier, I can say I'm gonna do something, but I'll postpone it. And in the beginning of the relationship, you would always say something, I'm like, wow, she's actually doing it on the time she said she was. I'm like, that's great. It made me see you, such a powerful woman. You know, and it's like,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["L6V-EAWLOc0", 12301, 12685], "asr": "What do I wish I could heal in you? I know that deep down based on how I've seen you react when people say certain things to you about your physical appearance,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 3358, 3742], "asr": "I think maybe getting dressed up in sequins. Oh, yeah, okay. And you had a mustache, and we went to the thrift shop, and you got the shirt and the two tight pants. I think possibly dressing up for disco night where nobody else dressed up.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["eVW6KQQJwKg", 14081, 14465], "asr": "Oh, shit, now it happened. That's huge, and I think in some ways it means that it made me a better mom because I'm so conscious of providing my children with respect.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 13074, 13458], "asr": "It's a really exciting picture. It's you're the only person I've met where I don't have to give up a piece of me in order to be with you. It's really, you enhance the best parts of me and you, you know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["oIdLlERQWsE", 15682, 16066], "asr": "It was like if we were going to push through all of it, that there was a reason behind it. There was like an end. Yeah. Not an end, but a beginning goal. Yeah. This is the person that I want to fight through everything with for both of us.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 14667, 15051], "asr": "I think that you need to hear that though like my mom was always there and I love her and we have this amazing bond, you and like our relationship is as important. Our bond.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["gDArbZbWFKE", 15065, 15449], "asr": "connection is as important as my mom's. We have two different relationships of course. My connection to you is different because like you're more like a lifeline for me.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 4607, 4991], "asr": "I thank you so much. I can only imagine how tough it was being in this situation that you were in. But I know thinking about just everything and, you know, in the 80s, they didn't have a lot of money.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["JjaFl0H6vbc", 4991, 5375], "asr": "have the stuff they had for me when I was growing up, like, you know, things to help you to know, like, the causes of, you know, substance abuse and stuff like that. Y'all didn't have the support that we had. And, you know, it was just a rough time.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UbjUDM1MiGE", 15196, 15580], "asr": "And because it's also intensified by how much I can see that you love him. Like you just, you guys also really connect in a really special way. Yeah. And I know that you want him to, and I know he loves you so much, and I know you both like want the same thing. Yeah.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 8830, 9214], "asr": "up then. Yeah. You know, we video chat every day, all day, talk on the phone all day. But once you whip a person, you know, you have to learn the things about them that you not know. You know, and I'm ready for that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 13630, 14014], "asr": "I think I, in the beginning of the relationship, was very, like, cautious around having a relationship with you. And, I mean, even looking at my previous relationships, too, right? Like, I...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 14014, 14398], "asr": "was always like kind of taught to serve other people and That my feelings didn't matter and I think when I met you During college I was like in this process of no my feelings do matter and I can't", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["dwy3iM1IV1k", 14398, 14782], "asr": "trust anybody, which I think got in the way of our relationship. And you know like I our relationship ended like twice because of my trust issue.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 11117, 11501], "asr": "I just feel like how can you be around someone so negative and so draining and not be affected internally? When have you felt the closest to me since the last time?", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["MlPReaID_iw", 16802, 17186], "asr": "and not knowing when it will be open to the US. Maybe it will be September, but it's the Russian government, like who knows when it can be open.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 3413, 3797], "asr": "Like see I think the reason why for me is why I'm like I'm always scared to confront you is because like in my last Relationship like I know I'm like that it always went like so south like I would just yeah, be trying to have a civil conversation like They would it would just", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 3797, 4181], "asr": "turn into this big thing, you know? And I think that I probably just have trauma from that. And I just bring it onto this relationship, even though it's completely different. But yeah, I guess that surprised me in itself, too, is where after we have the conversation and I feel that something's different.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 15350, 15734], "asr": "that I love you a lot and you truly are like an amazing person. Like I know people say like, oh this word, like I don't know, I know like words, like words don't even really feel.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 15734, 16118], "asr": "Like I can do them justice right now, but like you were like truly one of the like most pure, like purest people I've ever met in my life. Yeah. Eww. Um yeah like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["sCdn0hyfxYw", 16118, 16502], "asr": "I don't know, like regardless of our romantic relationship, like I would just have loved to be friends with you. I don't even care about the romance. Just like you in my life, just as a person that I get to do life with just feels like I like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["PBQwflrlARU", 13469, 13853], "asr": "And when I was younger that wasn't as easy as it is for me to understand now. So I obviously wasn't aware of what had happened to you either. So I didn't look at it from you just trying to be protective and make sure that I was doing what I was doing.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 6923, 7307], "asr": "Okay, I'm grown now and I should be having fun. Like, literally I was just getting so much bad advice. It just didn't make sense. People would say, you know, you should hook up with guys and like just have fun and like do you, but...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 7307, 7691], "asr": "that wasn't really happening that way. Like I wanted a relationship and I wasn't really trying to have like a bunch of just random casual sex. And I also was getting a lot of unwanted attention from men. So like cat calling, people feeling on my ass in the club.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["b79oykwdXYk", 8180, 8564], "asr": "and have fun and dance while I'm doing it. So it's been good, but I'm just learning the system is not always set up for women to win, either way. Because I have lots of guys who see the dancing side and they have all these...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["AnJC_bduosQ", 8679, 9063], "asr": "early. And we've definitely gotten to the bottom of a few of those things. I think some of the misunderstandings come from our different backgrounds. We have very different backgrounds like...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 4040, 4424], "asr": "I'm not afraid of your mother, you know, like, they never let me meet any of your lady friends, our lady friends. All right, I mean, I know, you know, I get kind of crazy, I holler, but I never would disrespect anybody.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["qFhuJX9kXB0", 15825, 16209], "asr": "And to have a child and not love a child through the good and the bad, it's wrong. And like I said, I loved you through the good and the bad, through the hard times and the good times.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["CnNI_ZBI9-I", 10551, 10935], "asr": "other night. It'd be way different, at least in my opinion. I feel like if you were my age right now, we probably would already be married with a kid or maybe", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["4tu0ee15bXo", 13567, 13951], "asr": "like you support me and everything else. So that's like when it comes down to like things like that where it's like missing a text or a call or whatever, like I try not to get too upset about it because I know that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 14036, 14420], "asr": "It was so hard because you know I sat on the fence with everything like they said that you know, New Zealand hasn't been You know, we don't have racism here, but like now there's we've had decades of racism, but just not so open", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["kLdzEALv3QE", 14420, 14804], "asr": "And like, especially being brown and like going to a high school where there's like probably like 10 of us, it's so hard to like know if you're white enough or brown enough and like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 10477, 10861], "asr": "That's true. I never ever thought of that. Like that's never been a thought, us living in different countries. And it's something that could literally happen tomorrow because we both live in a country that's nice.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["O98D2Tlgs-E", 14886, 15270], "asr": "I think I also like don't share too much with you too like yet because you are an African-American and you've grown up in America and grown up around this", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["Iv7f9VBXFyc", 13186, 13570], "asr": "Because I'm like this very bubbly, happy person and like if a guy looked at me like I would get in trouble. And so I didn't even want anybody to like look at me. Like don't come up and talk to me because I'm gonna get in trouble later. It was just awful. So then like after that I was so...", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["hoMJSbQbIVA", 11258, 11642], "asr": "You become defensive about things that to me are like trivial stuff. It's such a trivial argument to have and to defend and you get so about it and I think that it comes from something that happens.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vN77UJcjXeo", 13375, 13759], "asr": "And then to Victoria, people always would look at me with grimace as I'm walking downtown with y'all on Bay Street because I was a teenager and I had four small biracial children with me. And they'd look at me like, those are my children.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 2468, 2852], "asr": "And yeah, like what you said about how when I was younger, you would worry about, you know, not seeing me enough. That makes me think about like, one time I was like really little and you were here at the house and we were like making like, we got like one of those sets.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["YInzkT2nwuY", 9612, 9996], "asr": "because I never thought it was like something that needed to be just like said, but do like girls in addition to boys. But I never I just never thought that that was something that I had to be like, Hey, dad, like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 2337, 2721], "asr": "that's every day. It's like a task in the house that we want to accomplish. We are literally doing most everything together. So when we have this little project that we want to accomplish,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 2721, 3105], "asr": "one of us takes one part of it and the other does the other part of it and we work on certain parts together and we just get things done. It feels really, I feel really close to you when we have a goal, you know.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 3169, 3553], "asr": "we just knock them out. You know, it feels like a real partnership. And I know that it shouldn't sound so surprising, but it kind of still is. It kind of still is surprising that we're just like.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 6496, 6880], "asr": "You were in love with me. Okay. It's all of that combined with when you finally revealed what that time of the year is like for you, the time of the year that we met.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 6880, 7264], "asr": "and what your occupation was. And when the two clicked about what your days and nights were like, I think that's when it hit me. I said, Oh my gosh, he looked so good.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 7264, 7648], "asr": "loves me. He is at work until after midnight. He's getting up at five in the morning and we're staying out till five in the morning. You're going and like showering, getting dressed and going to work.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["KOh8fZK4-G4", 7941, 8325], "asr": "You just hadn't made it clear just how demanding your work was. And when I realized what that was like for you, I just knew. I said, oh gosh, you don't do that.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 4208, 4592], "asr": "I mean, at that point, and I feel like you're one of my most long-term friendships I've ever had. I'm not sure what it would have been instead, but knowing me, I probably just would have been by myself and just dealing with certain things alone.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 14490, 14874], "asr": "And you feel that you have to sort of lay on the bomb basically to protect everybody else when like really we could have just thrown it out of the house. So I'd rather work together to disarm it than to have it.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 14874, 15258], "asr": "anyone suffer. So I just, it's my hope that you just work towards being more open with me and being kind to yourself or you're not doing something for me because you care for anybody else, you know, and that you're listening to how you feel now.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["vLg8kVUTmWU", 15258, 15642], "asr": "way and I talked to me about it so that we can still continue that but the only way this will work is if we have that open and honest communication about feelings which is something that ironically we did not even have when we were together but I will have to challenge you to do that in our", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["prxo_hXgVpo", 7431, 7815], "asr": "I feel like everything needs to happen. For a reason. Yeah. Of course. Not everything needs to happen, but everything happens for a reason. And it happened for whatever reason.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["BjhoZ0aSvPY", 5229, 5613], "asr": "How you view yourself can really put into perspective The things that you do after that and I think that you're really good even if you might harvest Not the greatest thoughts of yourself. Yeah, or the energy", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 4713, 5097], "asr": "Okay. I mean, you've got to give me a little bit of credit, because I'm like, I don't even care about weed. I don't care. I've never cared. I don't smoke, but I don't care if people do, typically.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["UudonDfYo8k", 5097, 5481], "asr": "What I care about is honesty, which was not happening a few times over, which brings up, it bubbles up different insecurities, which don't even touch like that subject.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 16298, 16682], "asr": "you're so good and I think that's one of the reasons why I love you and like two years ago I remember saying that to my mom like he's so good if we can't be together he has to be in my life somehow and I think it's like every", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["zIhDJWOjfCI", 16834, 17218], "asr": "times, joyful times, because even those times of you are just, they're so good and you're just a good person in general. I just thought I would always love you and I think like if I had more love to give you,", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 3071, 3455], "asr": "controlled kind of person. You don't live in extremes, maybe you're a Libra balanced personality. But I think those moments are definitely moments that I feel very, very attracted to. Where you're let loose in some way. Either you're angry or you're", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["LfVBjEudPuY", 3776, 4160], "asr": "Do you know that when you look at me it turns me on? Because I can tell how much you like me. I feel like I don't often show my turned on-ness. But yeah, the way you look at me for sure, when you make me feel very, like I'm the only person that you see, that turns me on.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 731, 1115], "asr": "to others.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["_5e68rtxV6k", 1115, 1499], "asr": "I admire your strength. I admire what you've accomplished in your life. I admire your kindness. Like, if I would call you, you would be there in a heartbeat. Of course. I can count on you.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 6377, 6761], "asr": "deaths in the UK and I think of the people I know who have died from COVID and gosh if only you know the number was 999,998 and those two people were still alive.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}, {"id": ["3BRArY48ZEM", 6985, 7369], "asr": "percentages and numbers are, you know, if only 0.3% of people are dying of COVID or whatever the number is, or of violence or whatever, if it happens to you it's 100%. And so I'm trying to make sure that we're all working together.", "speaker": "p1", "listener": "p0"}]}