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this past sunday fish camp sent out application decisions to over 2 400 applicants about 1 200 of these students will have the opportunity to create a universally accepting support system to welcome incoming freshmen aggies at the end of the summer the other half of the applicants are unwanted and not welcome to help in any form this coming year each summer thousands of freshmen partake in their first tradition at lakeview methodist conference center in palestine texas there counselors put forth every effort for four days straight to make the freshmen feel loved and included if those same freshmen choose to apply for fish camp the following year counselors will no longer be obliged to include them one of fish camps core values – continuity – encourages counselors to spend time with their freshmen even after camp ends this is not limited to their own freshmen counselors frequently extend continuity event invites to all of their freshmens friends so every fish whether or not they attended camp is included at texas a&m however rejected counselor applicants are discouraged from spending time with actual counselors and are encouraged to promptly go away anime sciences

the first time i learned what a two-percenter was i was ten years old i was at my familys tailgate and my cousin (then a current student) was talking about her friend innocently i asked her where her friend was and she said he was studying in his dorm because he didnt like coming to games or anything else relating to aggie traditions my little mind couldnt understand he doesnt go to midnight yell i asked no she said student bonfire nope not even muster not even that she sighed my dad pulled me aside and explained that my cousins friend was a two-percenter he chose a lifestyle antithetical to e king gills gospel i still didnt understand and questions ran through my head for years how can that be has no one told him about the spirit that can neer be told why come to texas a&m if youre just going to focus on school that was in 2007 times have changed since then today someone identifying as a two-percenter is nothing special as texas a&m grows and changes with the times so do its students and their attitudes toward abstaining from its beloved traditions however the few that recognize two-percenterism for the sinful choice it is so often choose hatred and vitriol to spread jimbos message no matter that this hate flies in the face of what being an aggie is about who are we to condemn others who among us has lived without lapsing into two-percenter behavior i will be the first to confess ive left games before the end of the fourth quarter ive stayed at home before midnight yell when the weather got too cold in dark hours on long drives back from baton rouge ive looked to the stars and questioned my very own faith believing in the aggie spirit isnt about perfection its about holding to something much bigger than oneself through the ups and downs two-percenters are simply lost lost in sin lost in delusion lost in a lying culture that tells them their lifestyle is healthy and natural despite what ej kyle clearly outlined as our purpose here in college station though we cannot accept their choice we can embrace the spirit within them we can give them the same kindness we expect from each other and the same forgiveness we were taught to give to st johnathan of football hullakazoo

the office of the commandant was bustling with activity early this morning after the alleged activities that took place this past weekend following years of silence the commandant and his staff finally presented proof that the cadet liberation army (cla) is a reality the event in question occurred sunday february 17th during a texas a&m womens basketball game hundreds of cadets were required to attend this game so corps staff suspected this would be a prime target for the cla to facilitate cadets early departure from the game in preparation corps staff had several members posted at all potential exits in hopes of catching these mysterious cadets within five minutes of the game starting an unidentified cadet began complaining he was allegedly heard saying im pretty sure i would rather write a 10 page report on paint drying than spend another second at this game within a minute a group of cadets without any form of identification on their uniforms came and asked the complaining cadet to go to the bathroom with them by the time corps staff had moved on the situation the group had busted through an unattended emergency exit and leaped into a waiting truck when questioned by mugdown reporters witnesses were unable to give any description of the alleged cla members after being asked how corps staff would respond to this event corps commander adam buckley said despite our inability to catch them this has given us very useful information into how the cla operates we will be using the description of the extracted cadet to find and question him although the cadet has yet to be identified he was described as being a white male who was roughly 510 the office of the commandant has asked the student body to report any cadets who look like they fit this description 一 hazed and confused

in an effort to appeal to students texas a&m university has announced that its newly opened block t bar will accept dining dollars after finishing construction last year texas a&ms doug pitcock hotel and conference center opened its doors for the 2018 football season the hotel was built to provide visitors with a convenient place to stay while earning money for the university however its construction cost the goodwill of its student body jimbo has been well-received by aggie students the hotel…not so much said the manager of the hotel because of a bad start students may never fully appreciate what this hotels added income will do for our university but we are making changes to improve the students perception the reaction to accepting dining dollars has been overwhelmingly positive one student said if i drank in between classes before all my friends would have called me an alcoholic now i can enjoy a rum and coke before my intro to philosophy class its classy and economical not only has regular traffic increased but nights of common exams have seen exponential growth i cant justify going to northgate after an exam it costs too much! but at the hotel i can use my parents money without them knowing while we had a rough start im sure we can win back the students goodwill quickly the hotel manager said and if not within four years all the current students will be gone and the new ones wont know a thing anime sciences

adam wrincel chief student leader of floe (freshman leading organized events) will be hosting a new workshop for all student leaders this coming march due to an occurrence at last tuesdays floe general meeting what started as an ordinary discussion lead by wrincel quickly took a turn for the worst a new member who asked to remain anonymous was seated near the back when they raised their hand to respond to one of wrincels questions as wrincel went to call on them he made the mistake of attempting to utter their name rather than resort to common gestures such as a finger point or a head nod with eye contact even a routine term like ‘you or ‘go ahead would have avoided the absolute degradation endured by the new member but instead the new member was struck with the harsh reality that they were insignificant in the student leaders eyes wrincel attempted to salvage what was left of the new members already shattered ego flustered he managed to butcher the name three more times before the new member corrected him and shamefully slumped back into his seat in one final attempt to mend the situation wrincel stated that he could not make out the new members face the workshop is intended to aid in sharing strategies for addressing new members without having to use their names wrincel hopes to learn from his experience and prevent other student leaders from making the same mistake as he did ― longboard of regents

lieutenant colonel keagan was jolted awake by shouting from outside his office disoriented the colonel brushed aside the bottle on his desk to get a look at his clock after uttering a few expletives keagan rose to his feet it seemed he had spent the night in his office again an event that had become increasingly more common in recent months fortunately by overseeing the current cadets he was able to relive his long lost youth and keep his thoughts away from his failing marriage his reflections were interrupted by a volley of yelling from outside after he muttered a few more expletives to himself and took another swig from the now almost empty bottle keagan lurched towards the door to see what was going on upon stepping outside he saw the corps outside for their morning formation the daily ritual that reminds them that they were not in charge of their own lives it brought a smile to his face thinking that all these blithe virile kids were as miserable as he was the flags were raised and the cadets ran off to do their morning physical training leaving the colonel an hour to clear his ear–splitting headache soon the cadets returned to the quad now glistening with sweat and famished they all trickled into the dining hall to eat eggs that had been prepared the night before the colonel followed suit though he had no intention of eating instead he chose an empty table in the middle of the room and sat down from here he could observe nearly the entire corps eat their breakfast he could see those young lucky bastards poison themselves with their corps-provided food the mere thought let alone the sight of cadets filling their bodies with glorified refuse gave him more gratification than any paycheck the corps could give him he had all but forgotten about his hangover as he peered through the crowd soon cadets with early classes began to gather their things and leave like a hawk the colonel spotted a cadet skulking out of duncan with something in his hand upon further examination he saw it: a bag of bagels keagan bolted up trembling with excitement and sweating in anticipation despite being charged exorbitant amounts for meals that cost cents to make students who take food out of the dining hall with them are in fact stealing from the university this was his chance to get his revenge on these cadets he stalked the cadet outside waiting for his time to strike after a few meters the cadet noticed mouth breathing sounds coming from behind him and turned around uh good morning sir! the now startled cadet squeaked unaware of the primal pounding he was about to receive oh it was a good morning growled the colonel why dont you tell me what youve got in your hand there the helpless cadet looked at the bagels in his hand then looked at the mass of fuming impotence in front of him unsure of what to say what youve got there is university property snarled keagan and ill be damned if i let my corps turn into a bunch of thieving rats the cadet then received an onslaught of berating littered with choice four letter words after a couple minutes the colonel commanded him to get down on his hands and start doing push-ups at first the defenseless cadet completed his push–ups in perfect form however much to the colonels glee his pace began to slow and his breath began to falter only a couple minutes later the poor students hands began to bleed keagans rage was replaced by something far more stimulating as he towered over the sweaty cadet his excitement began to hit the breaking point the pain he saw in the cadets eyes was a reflection of his own after seeing the blood and sweat on the pavement he couldnt contain himself anymore he ordered the cadet to leave before he witnessed the volcano that was about to erupt in his pants as the cadet scurried away the colonel basked in wave after wave of euphoria the combination of the authority he held over the submissive cadet and the pain he inflicted made him delirious with pleasure strangely enough that cadet had put out more in 3 minutes than his wife had in the last 10 years grinning giddily he stood back up and started walking back to his office i need a drink said keagan as he locked the door behind him hazed and confused

with the rise of christian mens organizations on campus men in the christian bubble are struggling to beat the competition and take their ruth out on the perfect intentional date a group of junior economics majors from the brotherhood of men in christ beta mu chi decided to fill this void and serve their fellow christian men through their dating consulting company solomon services as heavily experienced daters and self-declared experts they started a company to create a personalized dating experience for their male clients this one time i took a girl on a simple first date to lake bryan said founder jake carlton i had a string quartet play some sick worship music and as we were really getting into the spirit i surprised her with a hot air balloon that landed from the sky! she seemed amazed as we floated through the air looking out over the landscape as a plane wrote her name we sat in silent awe through most of the experience and i came to the realization that i was an amazing dater thats when i decided to start the business most dating services provide a one size fits all plan to get the girl but solomon services provides personal assistance to help maximize dating creativity using an advanced algorithm the surefire dating creator™ factors in information about your target including womens org involvement breakaway attendance rate and whether or not she goes to antioch i love solomon services one happy user of the service told the mugdown there was this junior in pi phi that i felt the lord calling me to ask out but i had no clue what to do because everyone knows you cant just have a conversation with a girl on a date the surefire dating creator™ recommended that i take her on a surprise romantic flight to new mexico to recreate scenes from high school musical at the actual school where it was filmed we ended up not clicking so there wasnt a second date but all my brothers in christ were so impressed by my innovation i even have the pictures to prove it! this algorithm has reported such overwhelming success rates among men that the company is considering expanding its services to creative proposal ideasif any of their clients make it that far tukulele & christian bubble butt

college station restaurant owners released a poll today in which applebees was voted the best valentines day spot in aggieland for couples who are just going through the motions while youll see plenty of couples who are still in love a large portion of our restaurant is dedicated to those who know theyre in the final stretch waitress annie cortez said couples come to applebees because it offers familiarity something their relationship hasnt had in months the 2 for $20 deal means they can spend less on each other and more on themselves the two dollar drink deals allow some patrons to drink enough to put up with their partner while their partners can passive-aggressively count the number of drinks applebees has been aiming to gain a share of the millennial market for the past several years and contributing to their failing relationships is a part of that plan olive garden has the old slogan ‘when youre here youre family said applebees manager andy russo here at applebees we like to say ‘when youre here youre almost out of the relationship which has left you feeling like a husk of your former self 12th man card

the mugdown has received reports that all choral risers utilized in future performances are to be reinforced beyond the standard steel-frame design after decades of praise and access to high-profile events singing cadets egos have grown substantially in their early years as an all-male glee club at texas a&m college the singing cades were able to manage the attention of audiences over time the group began to notice the negative impacts of their growing egos consequences included trouble getting down the narrow aisles of buses and walking through doorways two at a time while creating challenges for the singing cadets to overcome these effects were manageable the choirs collective ego had a more troubling and destructive impact when the choral risers below them collapsed to the ground last friday audience members were first confused by the moaning sounds wondering if a new arrangement of popular choral pieces was being used but realized something was amiss when a singer on the back row of the risers disappeared shortly after the high-pitched screams of tenors could be heard over the rumbling groans of injured basses charlie mansfield a baritone in the singing cadets shared his relief that despite the chaos of the collapse those who were quick enough to jump off of the risers kept singing ensuring that the show went on this terror-inducing event led to multiple injuries and has forced the organization to engage in greater risk management in the future while the singing cadets leadership is working to ensure future choral risers can sustain the weight of their egos no discussions have been had about changing the culture of the organization to reduce the weight of what caused the collapse reveille hills

dear reader i am writing to inform you of a quite mysterious event that happened to me in academic plaza a few months ago this peculiar experience has been weighing on me for some time so i hope my honesty will help other students process their own strange encounters my day started off as it always does with a cup of coffee and a mad dash to secure a good parking spot i think thats perhaps true of most exceptional days: they always start like any other day giving you no hint of the strangeness to come so dear reader let me set the scene i had sat down on a nice shady bench to peruse the contents of my backpack searching in vain for the granola bar i knew must be languishing somewhere in its bowels when i sensed someone sit down next to me drat! i mustve forgotten to re-tie the breakaway tag to my backpack after considering my options (surely bolting was out of the question) i slowly raised my eyes to meet those of my assailant hi! she said cheerily im sara whats your name i mumbled an introduction trying desperately to remember the rules of engagement how much longer could i count on these banalities to last two three more minutes at the most i mentally berated myself for forgetting to wear my cross necklace when i had such a busy day ahead of me we exchanged pleasantries about the weather but i knew the available topics of conversation were depleting fast whats your major i offered sheepishly knowing this would only delay the inevitable to my surprise she answered succinctly her attention trailing to her phone was this the moment shed been waiting for i braced myself what would she start with asking where i went to church was always a good bet or maybe shed be more covert choosing to peer at me with concern and ask how i was really doing i absentmindedly smoothed my hands over my clothing i guess my lorde t-shirt was a little heathen-like in appearance surely i had brought this on myself she shifted her legs and i couldnt help but flinch i tried in vain to reassure myself shes probably just going to offer to pray for you and then you can be on your merry way you can do that right sit still and close your eyes for a few minutes wait why is she reaching for her backpack ugh i really dont want to lug another bible home my roommates and i already have three on the kitchen table and besides its not like i can just throw it away once she leaves me alone wait hold on shes getting up thats it am i not worthy of salvation or worse am i not worthy of her attention oh boy if thats true i must really look like a lost cause today wait what did she just say that it was nice to meet me not even have a good day anxious thoughts continued to race through my mind as i watched her walk away was this some kind of long con maybe one of her compatriots would approach me later or perhaps… no come on thats too unlikely but… what else can explain it my reasoning reached a fever pitch i had heard whispers of such strange behavior before but i had never experienced it myself after turning the conversation over and over in my mind the conclusion was inevitable…this sara whoever she was was simply being nice my religious conversion had never even crossed her mind can you imagine such a thing well dear reader i urge you to take heed somewhere out there in the campus wilderness there exists a rare unicorn…a friendly stranger with no ulterior motives i hope you will be better prepared than i was should you be lucky enough to encounter her heldenfalls

an employee at beutel health center is being formally recognized following an unprecedented occurrence last week audrey flanagan a senior nursing student shocked coworkers by being the first beutel employee to correctly diagnose an illness when student brady lewis displayed several symptoms including drowsiness headache and a mild cough doctors and nurses feared the worst: pneumonia just as doctors were writing lewiss prescription flanagan rushed into the room all he needs is some mucinex and a good nights rest said flanagan as she pointed to a page in her intro to nursing textbook its just a common cold flanagans boss dr susan bates was left in a state of disbelief the johns hopkins graduate began work at beutel following 5 years of experience at the center for disease control bates told reporters that she had never seen anything quite like it as most of her experience was with h1n1 and ebola outbreaks flanagan is scheduled to be formally recognized in the upcoming edition of texas a&m today as part of the recent lead by example campaign her inclusion makes her part of an impressive group of aggies with achievements including the development of lifesaving tourniquets homewrecking crew

late january marked another semester briefing for the corps of cadets cadets made their way into rudder auditorium to be reminded of the rules and challenge themselves to stay awake for the next two and a half hours those who were still alert half way through the brief would have heard chief compliance officer kevin mcginnis say that he hoped no one had that app on their phone when ensuring everyone knew that swiping right (or left) was not an indicator of sexual consent while for many this was a passing comment of little note it did peak some individuals interest after multiple heated discussions amongst the commandants staff a decision was made to prohibit cadets from using dating apps the original policy only targeted those apps that would likely lead to one night hook ups but officials have indicated that all dating apps are problematic as you can order up a date as easily as you might order up a pizza dating should involve more effort students should have to look someone in the eye in order to ask them out said an anonymous official involved in the policys creation cadets are less enthusiastic about the policy one cadet who wished to remain anonymous said i dont know how im supposed to find a date i cant date anyone in my outfit im not dating a boot chaser and i dont know anyone else my buddies are great and all but ive got to walk under the century tree before i graduate officials are not concerned that cadets will find their true love one official from the class of 75 was heard saying i found the love of my life while at texas a&m and we didnt even have email theres no reason these cadets cant find someone reveille hills

are you a senior with boots who doesnt have plans on valentines day or are you an underclassman who still hasnt found a new significant other after that long-distance break-up with your high school sweetheart if youre an aggie looking for a date then the mugdown has a solution for you our mission: mugmatch exists to provide every lonely aggie with the opportunity to find a date using our 5-minute questionnaire our motivation: after an influx of sad articles written by our very single writers we realized the mugdown needed to do something this loneliness epidemic however exists across the whole campus not just within our organization to combat this we decided to put our intern to work designing an effective matching algorithm to allow every aggie to meet a potential date how it works: we use our 5-minute questionnaire to get an understanding of each applicant using our patent-pending algorithm we find each students match considering the preferences of both students the process is simple! click the link at the bottom of this article and finish answering the questions by february 12th! be honest! youll find a much more fulfilling match waiting if your answers are true to yourself ensure you are signed into your texas a&m email account we do this to verify our applicants are currently enrolled at the university the application closes february 12th at midnight so be sure to finish by then wait until february 14th for your mugmatch we will roll out emails with mugmatches on the 14th you will receive your matchs name and email from there you can decide on further means of communication and potential meetups enjoy the time you two have together however long that is! what are you waiting for click here to take the questionnaire! the perfect match is waiting! anime sciences

1 it made the most sense economically 2 it is top-ranked for his chosen field of study 3 it is centrally located between austin and houston 4 he was impressed by the friendliness of the student body 5 he thinks participating in all the traditions might be fun 6 he enjoys wearing the color maroon 7 he thinks reveille is really cute 8 he thought college station offered sufficient dining and entertainment options next in this series: you wont believe why this guy hated a&m heldenfalls

everyone is a huge fan of aggie sports but did you know that there are some that students dont even know about we here at the mugdown have compiled a list of five aggie sports we guarantee you didnt know existed! soccer we get that this is america so no one really watches soccer anyway equestrian this one is no surprise either volleyball okay i know you think that youve caught on to where this is going youre wrong these days its just so hard to compete with football since students will only attend one athletic event per week (watch parties count) softball now this one is pretty obvious with a mens team that plays an identical sport against more intriguing talent this one just gets overshadowed womens basketball see above longboard of regents

here at the mugdown we are aware that every student hates showing up to a class to find out that their professor has an awful unavoidable accent why wasnt this listed on ratemyprofessor you may ask yourself while you try to find space in another section unfortunately every other section for your class is full next time use our list of accents to avoid to make sure you never take a class with a professor you do not understand nicolas cage as much as you can respect your professor for their obvious interest in acting greats lets leave our declaration of independence voice at home anything from home alone i never want to hear get out of here you filthy animal while leaving office hours ever again darth vader who wants to listen to muffled breathing every second no one does that guy who says now forming at the north end of kyle field its not funny when the whole third deck does it its certainly not going to be funny when your professor does it every class bane no one cared who i was until i put relevant information on the exam 2 study guide will never be funny left on redass

we may think we know exactly what professors are looking for in their students but the mugdown discovered exactly what professors look for in their students its not always the straight-a on-time pupils that draw a professors attention sometimes the most random things that students do truly woo their instructors here are 7 refreshingly random things professors say they cant resist in their students: 1 coming to class in pajamas coming to class in pjs lets the professor know you feel comfortable around them they love that their lecturing style lets you live in your own skin 2 walking into lecture 30 minutes late when you come to class after the lecture has already started you add an element of mystery to your professors day where were you why are you late professors cant resist speculating where you could have been and what could have kept you from class 3 openly questioning the professor in front of the whole class while this may seem like its rude professors are actually super into sassy students if students can talk shit back to me in front of a large audience they immediately have my attention and respect said one professor 4 asking for extra credit every professor loves when students beg for extra credit at the end of the semester it makes them feel powerful and wanted 5 letting your phone go off in class sometimes professors just need a break in the middle of a lecture when your phone goes off in the middle of their sentence professors are actually grateful for a little time to rest 6 using pen on free response exams while you may think professors prefer pencil on exams they actually prefer permanent ink dark ink is bold against white paper and shows you can commit to an answer professors also love the messy vibe of a crossed out answer 7 having poor hygiene you might have heard that good hygiene is critical to show you care however scraggly beards wrinkled shirts and intense bo are a professors first indicators that you are dedicated to their subject any student who is working so hard on my class that they dont have time to shower is a student i want to teach of course there are loads more qualities we could have added to the list! the possibilities are truly endless but the moral of the story is youre probably better off than you thought! washboard ags

the last time aggie football won a national championship they went 11-0 including a 20-0 victory over texas and a sugar bowl victory against tulane the mugdown believes their glory should not be left in the past and decided to see what members of the team are doing today james sterling: passed away joe boyd: passed away charles henke: passed away tommie vaughn: passed away marshal foch foxy robnett: passed away ernest pannell: passed away herbert smith: passed away derace mose moser: passed away james thomason: passed away walemon price: passed away john jarrin kimbrough: passed away what a grim reminder of the constant march of time while at the same time a demonstration of the greatest achievements outliving those who achieve them 12th man card

1 lot 100 do you like long walks on the beach during the summer time traveling to and from this iconic location is kind of like that just much hotter and less photogenic 2 blocker bathrooms do you need a cubby to hold your crap while youre taking one this is the place to be not to mention the lack of lighting which really helps one fall asleep while skipping pols 207 3 heldenfels hall whats that smell is it mold wait…is it piss 4 ag café if you like eating sub-par chick-fil-a in what appears to be a dining area from an early 2000s mcdonalds this location is a must good thing all of the furniture floors and countertops are so dark hiding the true filth which they contain 5 halbouty this place is a true gem one of the greatest editions to our lithosphere if you are required to take blow-off life and physical science electives you know that this place rocks 6 sbisa loading bay if you think that the food in sbisa smells great when served you have not experienced the smell of it being disposed of turns out brick oven pizza will start to smell like roadkill after a few hours in a dumpster mmmm wretched! 7 portapotty row having too much fun at that mens orgs tailgate but need to break the seal maybe youre en route to breakaway and just cant wait for them to open the doors if this sounds like you portapotty row™ is guaranteed to meet your needs homewrecking crew

according to corps of cadets lore there are only seven hot females in the organization at any one given time the mugdown has conducted hard hitting research to determine who those attractive khaki-clad females are and we have the privilege to share that list with you this list is approved by the commandant of the corps of cadets and quad moms congratulations if you are one of the lucky few 7 rat terrier wag 6 golden retriever wag 5 double wag 4 this dogs wag 3 fluffy wag 2 puppy wag 1 black labrador wag buffalo wild wags

this student spotted the queen herself on campus and decided to stop her for a picture upon posing with a hug reveille went to give the unsuspecting undergraduate a kiss longboard of regents

the hardest part about being a yell leader is the kiwi restriction even though i hate them not being allowed to eat them has been the greatest sacrifice ive had to make youre welcome for my service ~reid williams i dont wear underwear underneath my jumpsuit ~connor joseph living with ms rev was the greatest experience of my life until a year later that two faced bitch abandoned me for some other cadet i guess you just cant trust these hoes can you ~gavin suel i am currently creating a petition to make all yell leader uniforms red that way the enemy cant see when were bleeding like they could this season ~karsten lowe whenever i feel down i like to imagine my picture in a mugdown clickbait article unfortunately the university has copyrighted every picture of me so i know that i never will ~blake jones hazed and confused

tuition for texas a&m can cost tens of thousands of dollars per semester and that adds up quick! we talked to an a&m staff member who told us a trick to saving big on your tuition: receive a scholarship either through sports performance or academic achievement wow! if id known about this when i was younger i might not be crippled by debt 12th man card

when youre a house girl life is always fun! when living with all of your friends youll never run out of things to do but in case you do heres the mugdowns official tips for entertaining yourself when youve got some spare time on your hands 1 go on and just stare at those old composites on the walls from the 80s haha! look at that hair! look at those chunky sweaters! what were they thinking good thing your fashion is timeless youll never grow old youll never be just a picture on the wall right 2 stand outside the front door and remember what it was like to be a pnm walking in man that was so long ago but it also felt like yesterday oh how time flies remember when you were so insecure and so uncertain about where you belonged good thing you arent anymore! can you imagine 3 shop online for a dress for formal its only three and a half months away you need to be prepared! start shopping now for that perfect floor length dress thatll make everyone just jealous enough that they wish they were you but not so jealous that they hate you that would defeat the purpose 4 hang out with the other house girls you live with 60 other girls so surely someone is free to hang! unless theyre at class tutoring a meeting for another org or at work wow a 15 000 square foot house can sure feel big when youre the only one there! 5 go for a walk down the row get some nice fresh air! put on your cutest lulu leggings and a top but make sure your letters are visible somewhere you never know who could look out and see you and all the other sorority women need to see how well you rep your sorority! make sure you walk by the house that you cut on pref so you can look in and be glad you didnt end up as one of them and there you have it ladies! dont let the boredom get to you because if you sit still long enough the feelings of inadequacy might start seeping in again we cant have that can we now go out there and have some fun ladies! tukulele

the mugdown is known across the globe for our dedication to publishing accurate hard-hitting stories no matter the content however there are still a few things we wont put in this fine paper through much labor and personal risk i have brought a few of these things to print the first f-word i dont want to publish this and every editor said theres no way theyd let this one slip into an article i mean why would we use it anyways the other f-word same idea here i respect their commitment to not publishing slurs my finance tip article this was a nice clickbait idea basically it was called four stock tips finance majors dont want you to see and it would have been stock photos of penis tips funny right but the mugdown stands by its commitment not to publish nudity the names of our writers despite asking nicely no one consented to letting me use their name but my editors said we could publish one name: hannah frankly shes had this coming the koldus room we meet in at eight every tuesday thatd be a mess! looky-loos could walk by and see what were working on before its released thankfully we meet far enough away from the entrance that no one really notices us 12th man card

after infuriating his advisor by not taking her advice freshman joseph michaels shared with the mugdown why he is better than your typical freshman well yeah im a freshman but i decided to claim all my ap credits and even picked up a few dual credit classes my senior year of high school…so i am a sophomore by hours michaels said the mugdown will continue to follow michaels as he continues to break ground on the texas a&m campus with such brilliant academic tactics mad chaco

this past november class councils student led tradition elephant walk was changed so that students would not walk past the statue of lawrence sullivan ross who was a soldier statesman and knightly gentleman however the changes are far from complete here are eight more places that elephant walk will never stop at again 1) the statue of george hw bush okay fine its a little out of the way but still this omission smacks of partisanship 2) the statue of the little kids by hecc yes its an unsettling collection of lifeless children but since when have we not done things ftk 3) the saw ‘em off statue…or whatever its called there are even women in this statue! isnt is sexist to not visit it class councils told the mugdown that the statue is too new to have been a tradition for that long but my mom says she remembers it so that settles that 4) the christ the redeemer statue nope this is much too religious! this could be offensive! 5) the statue of liberty lady liberty may be holding a book but she wont receive a passing grade from tamu class councils! they even got exasperated when asked about the reason for leaving it out and declined to comment 6) this tribute to all tamu horse girls how much more wholesome does it get – victorious stallions leaping over the rubble of a toppled communist regime! there literally might as well not be an elephant walk anymore… 7) this tasteful furry this is how you know that all the diversity hype with new traditions is bullshit if they are so inclusive how come we arent stopping here 8) this street performer painted to look like a statue apparently its not okay for a human to appropriate a statues culture as you can see future elephant walks will be completely devoid of real culture thus rendering the tradition useless west campus mirage

one day a student was walking from the msc to her biochemistry class on west campus while walking through the wellborn underpass she walked by an engineer riding on his longboard listening to drake on his airpods and singing along to himself next she walked by a cadet who smiled at her she then tripped on her shoelaces but kept walking finally she walked past a sorority girl on her phone complaining to a friend about her upcoming anthropology exam when she made it to the top of the underpass she saw two police officers one of the officers said maam we believe that someone stole expensive equipment from kleberg and fled in this direction did you see anyone suspicious going that way without hesitation the girl realized who it was and told the police do you know what she said click the link below to see the correct answer! https://wwwyoutubecom/watchv=dqw4w9wgxcq tukulele

the mugdown is texas a&ms most famous group of highly trained satirists after years in the intensive soul crushing mugcademy they are constantly on guard about their secret identity you will likely never figure out who they are unless youre a cia agent or very lucky youre actually more likely to be struck by lightning many people foolishly think they can outsmart our best operatives if you want to try your luck at exposing our most illustrious writers read ahead at your own risk as they say the pen is mightier than the sword 1 they are always sweaty why are they so nervous do they have something to hide 2 if your friend is a female its a no go women arent funny 3 they always meet on thursdays at 7 pm in msc 2406 please dont come to our meeting this week 4 you have never doubted their heterosexuality t bar m style the mugdown is proud to announce that no gays have infiltrated our ranks 5 they order their chick-fil-a sandwiches sans pickles no one else does this 6 they deny being in the mugdown at great personal risk i will disclose that we dont prepare our agents for waterboarding at the mugcademy 7 they write for the battalion really good luck out there exposing your friends! ring chunks

1 your favorite food is grass 2 your name is both singular and plural at the same time 3 your tallow is used to produce soap and candles 4 youre only slightly less intelligent than a pig 5 you can see behind you without turning your head 6 you believe that the traditions of texas a&m university are special and vital to the student experience here they build character and are a way to represent the universitys core values these traditions include everybody by creating a common activity students of all backgrounds can share together the unity brought about by the traditions of texas a&m allows all aggies to work with their peers to push boundaries and achieve greater levels of excellence positively impacting their community and serving their fellow man thanks & gingham

1) this is one sexy box it can handle a lot of meat who wouldnt want to get inside this box 2) thats a nice handful of breast maybe even two handfuls plump yet firm this breast meat is begging you to bury your face in it 3) this homegrown box needs some good old fashioned lovin this box came from the laynes next door so it seems innocent but you know how dirty it really is 4) the fingers in this box look great we bet the legs and thighs would look even better 5) nothing is sexier than a bird in lingerie

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texas a&m reached a major milestone this week when it was ranked as the #1 public university in the country in some bullshit oddly specific metric these rankings placed a&m as the #3 overall university in this meaningless and empty achievement behind two private schools with which you are likely unfamiliar this is a&ms highest ranking ever in this narrowly defined category that required four different modifiers to reach a sub-field specific enough for a&m to be ranked at the top this obscure ranking clearly demonstrates that texas a&m is a uniquely excellent institution said president michael k young it allows the administration to claim that a&m is #1 without having to put in the effort to improve the university in any way that is actually meaningful justifying several years of questionable decisions the mugdown uncovered that the university administration uses unpaid interns to trawl through the internet to look for literally any list that a&m is ranked highly in sometimes this strategy succeeds and sometimes it backfires in december a&m made national headlines for inadvertently publicizing that they were the #1 university in the country with only one recreation center per 60 000 students going forward the student body hopes that texas a&m will continue to provide a top-notch experience in this very narrowly defined category that affects a tiny minority of current students and faculty big brother jed

fundamentals of aggie social media

despite spending an entire semester pining for the comfort and warmth of her familys home sophomore rachel nimitz has found herself longing to return to the cold neglect of her college roommate and escape the smothering affection of her parents having looked forward to winter break since august nimitz was eager to return to her hometown and loving family for a relaxing break from school like most students she wanted the chance to catch up on some sleep and netflix while eating ice cream straight from the container however nimitzs optimism about her family getting along slowly waned and eventually dissipated her familys incessant bickering wore her down into a shell of the person she once was their quirky mannerisms that were endearing on phone calls are now infuriating in person i love my parents but their relationship terrifies me said nimitz i dont know why theyre still together when its obvious they hate each other i care deeply about my siblings but i am beginning to think theyre psychopaths i feel so guilty for feeling this way because i know they all love me so much nimitz says she now fantasizes about the life she shares with her roommate who she isnt friends with on facebook molly doesnt ask me when ill be home because she ‘just cant sleep until im home safe nimitz said molly doesnt ask me who im texting or comment on my life choices or mock my political views were just two strangers who share a kitchen and i miss her deeply mugdown staff

an investigative study conducted by the student senate conspiracy research committee was released last monday showing a direct correlation between hours spent stuck in traffic and the number of extra semesters students must take before graduating the investigative searchwhich has gained opposition from the registrars officefound that for each hour per week that a student spends in idle traffic the odds of taking an additional semester increase by 18% brent ricardo of the newly formed conspiracy research committee suspects that the causal mechanism is either a greater exposure to many of b/css sub-par radio stations leading to a loss of brain capacity a massive increase in anxiety over having your unassigned seat stolen in class or both there are only so many times that i can listen to ‘sicko mode while thinking about some uninvolved nobody taking the seat that i worked so hard for… ricardo was unable to finish the interview as he stormed off to logies to vent to his committee some suspect that the traffic which has worsened both the universitys and citys construction alike is yet another way for the university to keep students here longer than they had planned when asked for a comment the office of the registrar replied we are invested in having this issue resolved nothing worries us more than knowing that our students must pay for additional semesters here at a&m when questioned about expected traffic improvements city of college station officials laughed softly and then started to weep west campus mirage

dr erik pavelka professor for one section of modern physics at texas a&m university has purged the terms test and exam from his vocabulary choosing instead to use celebration of knowledge thanks to pavelkas beaming positivity students of his class are unusually optimistic about their upcoming final examination students claim that referring to their tests in this calming manner motivates them with hope in place of the usual terror this hope remains right up until the tests are passed out as pavelkas deliberate choice of words alleviates the actual pain of failure an almost undetectable amount the mugdown reached out to pavelka to obtain a comment on his groundbreaking teaching methods and the impact they are having on his students i am very funny said pavelka both pavelka and his students in defiance of their positive mindset are utterly unprepared for what will become a historically low test average bacon & ags

president michael k young announced that texas a&m university will soon begin accepting transfer credits from tutor john 40 & go and a+ tutoring during a campus faculty meeting friday afternoon the decision comes in response to the increase in popularity of such services in recent years students majoring in business and science–related fields will be most affected by the decision we need to make sure that these educators are qualified to teach at the high level we expect said young by integrating them into our system we will be able to keep an eye on them maintain test failure rates and thus raise the quality of education among students the news has been well received ali from a+ already saves my grade every semester i might as well just take his course said junior chemistry major mary nelson nelson and others are now waiting to select courses on howdy with professor tbd excited to get the instructor they truly want accounting professor martin wu allegedly resigned from the university but will be teaching intermediate accounting at texas a&m – tutor john next semester i can teach the same material and get paid twice as much can you really blame me said wu when asked about this decision homewrecking crew

hey i really hope this isnt too much of a bother ive put this in seven or eight groupmes but ive only received 10 submissions at least 500 people have seen my post! i mean i know im not great friends with everyone in each group but youd think they could take a little bit of time out of their day just to answer a few simple questions we say aggies take care of aggies and all that but no one can even spare a couple minutes to help me out i mean come on its just a short little questionnaire over some basic psychology concepts i havent been paying much attention in class but it was supposed to be about different psych stuff like the bystander effect and diffusion of responsibility i mostly just recreated my friends survey but with different wording it didnt take me long to make so it definitely wont take long to fill out! i hope this has convinced you to fill it out i really could use the extra answers or else i wont have anything to turn in im getting so desperate im about to post it in my freshman fish camp and old class group messages heres the link: https://googl/nizhom desperately question heir anime sciences

avery kilbourne a junior biomedical engineering major inadvertently supported puppy mills this week when she visited puppy station at the post oak mall finals season gets so stressful so i figured i would take a study break to pet some cute dogs said kilbourne unbeknownst to her the puppies on display were purchased from a commercial dog-breeding facility with no regard for animal welfare kilbourne a self-proclaimed animal lover picked out a beagle puppy named pepper at six weeks old he was prematurely taken from his mother in order to be confined to a 2 by 2 feet area with three other dogs the store was crowded with other students taking pictures and holding puppies many of whom will be sent to kill shelters after they grow past a certain size after kilbourne grew bored with puppy station she returned pepper to his crate devoid of food and bedding and headed back to campus to study a few days after her visit pepper was thankfully adopted by another texas a&m student sophomore jessica kopke pepper will spend the next few years kennelled for nine hours a day in kopkes empty apartment while she is busy as a full time student on campus magnum opas

in an unexpected decision tuesday class councils have decided to exclude the entirety of texas a&m university in all future elephant walks while controversial the change is a needed addition to make the tradition more inclusive for all students class councils spokesperson and senior biology major jack getty spoke to the mugdown about the alteration the choice was one of forward thinking necessity every location or tradition we visit where a student may have had a negative experience is another person left out of the aggie family we can either adapt or let shame be a new core value among the excluded areas are the arches in front of the quad due to a history of oppressing freshman and excluding non-regs all academic buildings will be excluded because of a legacy of past generations failed courses military walk has been removed to avoid connotations with the draft during the vietnam war the msc will not be visited in solidarity with all those harmed by united states service members class councils expressed that all spaces between the stops need to be excluded as they celebrate a campus that was originally all male and that excluded minorities to remember such a mixed legacy would be backward thinking sophomore finance major june tyler expressed her support of the change honestly why would you want to include the institution in this hallowed tradition even the name is on the wrong side of history celebrating texas implies transfer students are second class citizens agriculture is an environmentally exploitative practice mechanical is poisoned by the history of wage slavery in the industrial system universities marginalize community colleges and trade schools the new location for elephant walk will be an empty field outside of college station to remove references to a community primarily controlled by white males there students will sit to avoid being ableist to those who cannot walk and remember their time at texas a&m in an all inclusive manner space cadet

another semester has flown by which means its time once again to say goodbye to our own graduating senior members just as one anxiously waits for the next bit of our content to reach the public so have these friends of ours been waiting to be made known to the world their time contributing to the mugdown is coming to an end but the legacy and satire they leave behind will live on congratulations to our graduating seniors!

last monday senior english major keegan mcginnis was recorded stating that upcoming finals are not bothering him at all despite having three ten-page papers due and four examsnone of which he has prepared for mcginnis says his faith will suffice im hecka relaxed i will be fine no matter how my grades turn out said mcginnis thanks to his life group mcginnis says that he now knows how to handle stress through prayer and suppression mcginnis told the mugdown that he used to be extremely tense often venting his frustrations via kickboxing classes however his recent conversion to a life of faith had necessitated a change rather than taking vengeful action against helpless inanimate objects he now sits still and prays redirecting his negative feelings deep inside of himself in introspection even mcginnis language has changed i used to cuss all the flippin time but then i realized that swearing can fudge up my relationship with god so while i might be thinking of something crappy i just say the polished version and god never knows the difference! while some of his friends from his previous secular life are worried about the change mcginnis has complete confidence in his decisions if i was so stressed thatand i swear i mean promise that i am noti literally died at least i would escape this gehenna-scape and go straight into the fathers arms when asked if he had scheduled an appointment with the writing center or if he would attend any of the supplemental instruction sessions for his classes mcginnis said that his bible study would be taking a trip to sugarloaf mountain so he probably wouldnt have time 一west campus mirage

held annually on november 18th at 2:42 am the bonfire remembrance ceremony honors the eleven students and one former student that passed away in the bonfire stack collapse in 1999 as the remembrance event approaches freshman holly selby showed her deep emotional tie to the tragedy by changing her profile picture on facebook a representative of traditions council the organization that orchestrates the ceremony gave some insight into the profile picture change well im not really sure when the design for the picture popped up all i do know is that if you dont have that picture uploaded by the morning of the 18th you are blacklisted due to lack of tradition appreciation said the individual opting to remain unnamed i feel an empathetic connection to the tragedy two kids who lived in the same dorm that i do passed away when the logs fell but i think its morally courageous of me to show my appreciation for the tradition by changing my profile picture it shows my stance on the entire event said selby a freshman engineering major and member of delta pi delta when asked whether she knew any of the names of the fallen students selby declined to respond saying she had a banner holding shift for delta pi delta at the msc buffalo wild wags the bonfire remembrance ceremony will be held on sunday november 18th at 2:42 am at the bonfire memorial it will honor those that passed away in the bonfire stack collapse miranda denise adams ‘02 christopher d breen ‘96 michael stephen ebanks ‘03 jeremy richard frampton ‘99 jamie lynn hand ‘03 christopher lee heard ‘03 timothy doran kerlee jr ‘03 lucas john kimmel ‘03 bryan a mcclain ‘02 chad a powell ‘03 jerry don self ‘01 nathan scott west ‘02

tired and depressed after a long day of searching for stories interesting enough to make texas a&m students read a newspaper battalion writer darrell burgess buried his face in his palms and longed for the lavish and luxurious lifestyle of the typical mugdown writer wednesday evening oh what id give to write for the premier news organization on campus! burgess said id enjoy mornings sipping mimosas with french models at my bedside before i went off to engage in real journalism instead of this tawdry little desk in the msc underground i would go to work at an office that dwarfs the parthenon the leading minds of our generation would schedule years in advance to stand in my presence kiss my knuckles and pick my brain when it came time to retire from my work id have the keys to the mugmansion their $10 million temple stocked with every hedonistic pleasure known to man for my journalistic rigor id be rewarded with nightly ragers thatd make coachella look like a chuck e cheese birthday party burgess slammed his fists on his desk alas! i am condemned to inoffensive mediocrity my words deemed truth without meaning my work ignored without consequence and my greatest contributions forgotten with the modest passing of time if only i were worthy of the mugdown elite whose very thoughts could topple empires whose writings illuminate the soul and whose diametrically superior lives i covet with every fiber of my being sources confirm burgess spent the night sobbing at his desk until he fell asleep in the throes of envy and turmoil hullakazoo

over the years multiple hazing scandals at texas a&m have made headlines forcing james wilson a senior in the corps of cadets to question what greek life is doing wrong to help greek chapters wilson hosted a lecture series highlighting how the corps is able to haze members and not only get away with it but also be praised for it hazing scandals are completely avoidable if greek life would just follow the example set by the corps of cadets explained wilson as a senior in the corps i would consider myself an expert at what i call ‘hazing in plain sight wilson believes that instead of midnight lineups and secret initiation rituals greek chapters should haze publicly as soon as we get a hold of the new fish we shave their heads and then post videos making it look like we have nothing to hide instead of making our members do physical labor during the middle of the night we send the cadets onto campus to run for miles and call attention to themselves through chanting and jodies added wilson members are encouraged to complain about how hard the corps is while pledges are told to keep quiet which only makes them look more guilty delta tau president jeffery millner was excited to attend the lecture any chance i get to better my hazing tactics i take said millner i knew the corps could help us when i noticed they had even convinced the administration to let them haze their youngest members in an multiple hour long event called ‘corps brass culmination when asked about hazing wilson said he focuses on the power of unity when you live together eat together study together and work out together members are less likely to feel comfortable telling on each other cadets are taught from the first day that were family and you must never betray family no matter what we do to you antoni oh-nos

last weekend before the football game between texas a&m and ole miss sophomore daniel pattener was detained at the southeast entrance of kyle field for a clothing violation pattener was reportedly pulled aside when officer phil johnson noticed a crinkly sound coming from patteners bulging pockets officer johnson withdrew two corn dogs a handful of chex mix and a half-eaten bag of jolly ranchers from the side compartments of patteners cargo pants after detainment pattener was issued a citation and asked to remove the offensive clothing which was confiscated with a pile of camelbak water bottles and small metal flasks sources report that pattener plans to dispute the citation claiming his cargo pants pockets are equivalent to a small clutch bag without a strap permitted by the texas a&m clear bag policy as of now officials are unsure what the student courts verdict will be three days following the event officer johnson was awarded president michael k youngs medal of distinguishment for dutifully maintaining safety and revenue at kyle field johnson accepted the award with a nod of respect im just doing my job sir johnson said washboard ags

the jubilant atmosphere at rebecca leighs graduation party thursday night was momentarily disturbed when some gluttonous pig opened a fresh bag of doritos resting on a kitchen counter the repugnant bastard whose relation to leigh is unknown at press time had spent the ten minutes before the incident listlessly sipping his beer and awkwardly stepping in and out of others conversations sources suggest these minor social interactions were merely a front to justify the disgusting swines access to the refreshment table witnesses recount the sad sludge-lord approaching the assortment of snacks noticing the unopened doritos bag passing over numerous healthy food options before him and tearing the plastic bag open like a ravenous raccoon onlookers could only watch in horror as the gormandizing sack of filth stood by the kitchen counter and ate from the very bag of chips he had opened himself this shameful scene of consumption continued for approximately four minutes after the bag was opened before the putrid slop-slinger was satiated party-goers attempted to hide their searing looks of judgment as the revolting ogre wiped his hands on his jeans and returned to the rest of the party hullakazoo

dr jill steinberg director of the infectious disease unit (idu) of ap beutel health center confirmed reports that swabs taken from the msc couches have tested positive for apathy apathy is a contagious illness that produces symptoms such as fatigue malaise and despondency in college-aged adults the swabs were collected after a lab technician noticed several students were sleeping on the couches during strange hours of the day our team members at idu have been working around the clock to identify the particular strain of apathy present on our campus said steinberg unfortunately outbreaks like this are common especially during the colder months when the semester is well underway and the football program is beginning to falter the symptoms first appeared after grades from my first round of exams were posted said sophomore mechanical engineering major barrett buckley i suddenly found myself gorging on panda express every afternoon even though i knew i shouldve been attending my intro psych class once i started sleeping through my 8 am materials science class i knew things were going downhill according to steinberg nearly 500 students have reported symptoms consistent with apathy in the last month this strain does seem to be especially graduation-resistant said steinberg resistance develops when students do not finish their prescribed courses either by utilizing q-drops or even withdrawing from the university students feeling apathetic are advised to pursue treatment immediately suggested treatments include re-familiarizing oneself with the cost of tuition taking a brisk walk or imagining how disappointed your mother is in you heldenfalls

texas a&m university officials sparked controversy on monday when they unveiled an initiative to make university classrooms inclusive of all genders effective immediately a statement from university president michael young announcing the plan to remove all gender boundaries between lecture halls sent shockwaves across campus garnering praise and scorn from current and former students as aggies it is an utmost priority that we hold true to the core value of respect young said in his statement that means acting ahead of our time we cannot wait until it is convenient to do the right thing its our responsibility to let every aggie know regardless of gender identity that they are welcome to use whatever classroom they like the new all-gender lecture halls are receiving heavy promotion across texas a&m social media with graphics advising students on how to take notes and turn in assignments without making things weird or contracting cooties critics say the new initiative represents texas a&m turning its back on foundational conservative values just typical of the young administration to cater to the libs again said one texags commenter with numerous unincluded typos what on earth has happened to our school im not sure im even comfortable sending my daughter to a campus where shes expected to use the same classroom as a man just to include these ‘transgender types sophomore english major kensley akers who identifies as a transgender man said the initiative was a promising if confusing step forward it sounds great akers said and youngs letter seemed heartfelt for once but i guess im a bit unsure of what actually changed do we just keep going to class as usual as the debate wears on future controversy may lie ahead as there are rumored plans to admit students who arent socially stunted pricks into the corps of cadets by the end of the semester hullakazoo

ring season is in full swing and every weekend students are christening their aggie gold in a lukewarm baptismal of flat beer while wearing an aggie ring has historically been a senior privilege mugdown investigators have discovered that many ring recipients are not in their fourth year at the university these ‘senior by hours underclassmen have sidestepped the traditional pathway to earning an aggie ring by fulfilling the 90-hour requirement early while these students are eligible to wield the status that comes with an aggie ring many of them are still too young to chug a pitcher of beer in under 30 seconds for their ring dunk this ring season the college station police department is keeping a tight watch on ring dunks citywide in an effort to stop underage dunkers though these dunkers are breaking the law police report that the students are not evading arrest in fact they seem to want to be discovered in the act last weekend when caught chugging a pitcher of old keystone on his best friends brothers girlfriends deck junior carsen willens reportedly asked officer will this go on my permanent record after the officer responded affirmatively reports indicate willens released a sigh stating finally after further research data shows that the escalating number of bachelors degree-wielding applicants in the job market is driving the competition for entry-level positions to an all-time high students desperate for any way to stand out in front of companies have turned to alcohol for the cure i really had nothing on my resume said junior civil engineering major charles darkin but i got my aggie ring as a sophomore and dunked in a redass 20 seconds so i will have plenty of impressive things to talk about when companies bring up my mip from 2018 experts are still unsure of the long-term consequences the mip may hold for offenders students remain hopeful that mip-induced job opportunities will at least make it worth the out of state tuition penalty for cashing in those useless ap credits washboard ags

the mugdown received the following press release from the anonymous organization maroon legion late last night the sender asked for us to publish the statement today on the celebration of guy fawkes day elitist secret societies have governed this school for too long! members of this cancerous aristocracy identify themselves by wearing aggie rings on their left hands! they have established the ‘tradition of wearing aggie rings on right hands as a way to suppress us – the peaceful majority we invite you and all other aggies to aid in disrupting their system by wearing your aggie rings on your left hand! while physically harmless this will send a message to the elitists that we will no longer be restrained! we are the maroon legion we do not forgive we do not forget we do not lie cheat or steal nor tolerate those who do ㅡwest campus mirage

undergraduate business advisor leonard harris began scheduling appointments with students last tuesday in an attempt to better understand his job requirements throughout the week harris electronically booked and attended numerous meetings with students at study rooms in west campus library the so-called advise an advisor sessions were structured to promote strictly professional and time-worthy communication between advisors and students it would bother me if i ever misled a student on something that simple said harris in response to a question regarding how students should select their classes harris views the ability of an advisor to help students complete the necessary coursework in a timely fashion as essential many colleagues of harris have expressed support when asked about his student meetings seeing it as an opportunity to impact more students younger students take advice from older students instead of us all the time soon enough we will be prepared to take back that responsibility said fellow advisor stacy warren the advising sessions appear to be nearing their conclusion as students have created several final tests for advisors to pass before returning to their regular responsibilities one such test begins with advisors attending resume workshops and career fair preparatory sessions the evaluation of this test is determined by how well each advisor navigates conversations with recruiters the day of career fairs homewrecking crew

late wednesday evening mechanical engineering major jordan gibbs began to question his major choice after another late night spent studying by himself going into college i didnt have anything i was passionate about that could make money gibbs said or at least not enough money to support a family one day despite finding his ultimate motivation in becoming a loving spouse and a devoted father gibbs has yet to meet that special someone i thought about joining a social organization freshmen year instead i chose a professional organization for better job opportunities i want to secure a good salary how else will i afford my childrens college one day while he knew meeting his future wife during freshmen year was unrealistic gibbs had hoped to have at least have one serious relationship by the end of his sophomore year as a junior gibbs says his homework routine feels like a 9-5 job only with nothing waiting for him at home yeah i knew that one day i would find myself tired of work and the daily rut but i imagined by that point id be at a well-paid job with a frame of my son and daughter on my desk that i could look to get me through the day id remind myself that when i get home my loving wife would greet me from the porch as my two kids and pet dog run out the door to say hello after finishing studying that night gibbs returned to his apartment to find all the lights off and one of his roommates watching a movie in the living room anime sciences

early this morning president young announced that he has partnered with brazos county to ban the sale of all beer pitchers in the area following the message ring dunkers have begun scavenging for lone pitchers and are searching for alternative ways to dunk their rings a tradition stemming from the extensive past between texas a&m and alcoholism for the unacquainted the ring dunk is a ritual in which students who have recently received their aggie ring place their ring at the bottom of a traditionally sized pitcher and chug the beer as quickly as possible im so lucky i bought my pitcher last week said carl borgo a junior physics major otherwise id be using my bettas fishbowl to dunk in without pitchers students are creating innovative ways to dunk their rings due to the sudden lack of standard sizing conflicts have arisen on how much beer is actually used for a dunk traditionally the pitchers hold four 12 ounce beers students have resorted to using fish bowls gallon cowboy hats and an assortment of other household items supposedly young doesnt like how the ring dunk makes texas a&m look a bunch of under-age hoodlums chugging beer is not the image he wants to create said an anonymous source close to the president maintaining texas a&ms stellar sec reputation is imperative to the president and removing pitcher sales should halt the ring dunk tradition the ban will be implemented starting this friday as long as the vote goes through the bryan/college station city councils reports indicate that navasota will begin to sell ring pitchers to meet the upcoming need of students who have not already purchased their own buffalo wild wags

reports suggest your grandmother who loved and cared for you unconditionally throughout your young life has spent much of the last few weeks excusing your failure to call her he must be busy with schoolwork she told mugdown staff as she folded clothes tuesday evening texas a&m is a tough school so i bet he has his hands full these comments come in stark contrast to the surplus of free time you have had to call your grandmother that you instead chose to spend binging brooklyn nine-nine and scrolling through twitter engaging in meaningless activities that will never provide you the genuine warmth and affection she would so freely give to you if hes anything like his grandfather hes probably running around with some girl your grandma continued reaching for a tv remote to change the channel in time for wheel of fortune at his age who knows what hes up to i cant blame him for not wanting to waste time talking to some old bitty like me after her shows were over sources indicate your grandmother checked her phone for missed calls found none and went to bed hullakazoo

in order to cut down on unidentified passengers and improve safety measures across campus the texas a&m aggie spirit busses will soon require two acceptable forms of government-issued id in addition to a student id upon boarding beginning november 1st 2018 the acceptable forms of government-issued id are as follows: valid drivers license (texas only) any valid us passport us military id or a corps of cadets haircut™ social security card and photocopy for the bus driver sick note from beutel health center original birth certificate and official medical record dating back to 1994 a blank check payable to texas a&m university this precaution follows a large-scale bust of several college station residents in possession of novelty student ids last year it is imperative we only have students on the aggie spirit busses said roger athensburg a transportation services supervisor it is completely against university rules to allow college station residents to benefit from any university service or amenity university officials ensure they are committed to the safety of students on campus; the bus system will also begin installing metal detectors in busses and include intensive security screenings before boarding in the near future mission trippin

yesterday evening reports came in of a historical sight unheard of in the recent memory of the city: an open supporter of the democratic party was spotted living in college station jackie holtzberg college station resident and the eyewitness who called in the sighting described her experience in detail this woman just moved in across the street from me her car was parked in the driveway and i noticed that not only did she stick a beto orourke sign in her lawn she also had a 2012 obama bumper sticker on her car i even heard she graduated from tu upon further investigation it was confirmed that the individual does in fact live within the college station city limit and is a registered democrat it was then that i knew i had a real-life democrat as a neighbor i was very shocked to see something like thisin college station of all places! holtzberg said living in such a conservative town i didnt think i would have to explain something like this to my kids so soon while the implications of the sighting are uncertain city authorities wish to remind citizens to stay alert and always be aware of their surroundings mission trippin

brock heard performed his civic duty of democratic participation today taking advantage of the mscs convenient location for early voting heard like many aggies is not from brazos county however this did not even slightly hinder his ability to cast a ballot if it came to a point where he did not know anything about the candidates or their positions heard simply picked the one that sounded the most familiar or had the coolest name whats important is that i voted for every position heard told the mugdown heards parents were thrilled to hear that he voted i was so excited to tell my family! heard said we take a lot of pride in political participation over the past few days the msc has been host to a large number of students wearing i voted! stickers heard says that this motivated him significantly as it would have embarrassed him not to have a sticker besides voting only takes like 35 seconds heard said heard a political science major further explained that the importance of voting cannot be overstated had he decided not to vote then his opinion on important things like locally-held offices which affect citizens day-to-day lives would have gone completely unnoticed even if i didnt always know what i was voting for at least i took a stand said heard after exiting the msc heard a graduating senior will likely be moving back to his home state of colorado this spring and is reportedly a bit disappointed he will not get to experience the impact of his decision to vote ⎻west campus mirage voting day is on november 6th in texas

crowds on church street were filled with rapturous zeal on sunday celebrating the opening service of the first church of jimbo the church is centered around the observance and praise of the great father and coach jim fisher known as jimbo the almighty to the faithful the main tenets of the church are built around the promises of redemption and entrance into their paradise which they call the bowl of roses the jimboites are taught that through determination and screaming in the face of demons dressed in black and white they can defeat the crimson tide of sin and conquer the evils of lucifers servant utopia (lsu) a place considered to be their version of the judeo-christian hell worshiper and sophomore agricultural economics major philip nevis spoke to the mugdown about his decision to join the church ive tried other churches but i just didnt feel like i was getting the most that i could out of them i mean my last one wasnt bad but for everything i was putting into it i still consistently rated my experience as an eight out of thirteen even when they had a $485 million renovation of their sanctuary it was just more of the same i really feel like ive found a faith i can grow in with the church of jimbo there are some skeptics of the new church drawing parallels to the tent revivals for the assembly of johnny while this church was able to revitalize religious life in texas a&m it has since fallen out of popularity and is currently believed to be attempting to find new converts in canada further concern lies in the fear that this church could fall to scandal like the congress of sumerlin did when it relieved three head pastors in a single a year and when rumors arose of gross mismanagement during missionary efforts in california director of college ministries katie lyons spoke on the mission of the church i could tell you about our doctrine and theology but the best way to understand our church is through the words of the coachs prayer that we recite together every service our jimbo who art in kyle redass be thy name by bowl games come thy plays be done away as they are at home give us this day our daily scores and forgive us our flags as we forgive those who flag against us and lead us not into fourth downs but deliver us from touchbacks for thine is the stadium and the sponsorships and the glory forever amen the church of jimbo is expected to be a strong contender for students and locals on sunday mornings competing against other college station churches brunch and sleeping off a hangover space cadet

as the corps of cadets pushes on through the 2018-2019 academic year it has undergone many idealistic changes that have trickled down through the cadet body the commandant general joe ramirez ‘79 has called these changes a mindset overload attempting to emphasize the professional development of the corps rather than the military aspect these changes have caused the first lady of aggieland reveille ix to quit the corps citing that old army is officially dead general ramirez proposed mindset overload during the 2017-2018 academic year because despite strong recruitment the corps of cadets has experienced poor retention rates over the past five years to combat this the mindset change was implemented during this fall semester as of the month of october the change has resulted in the corps having a 50% retention rate the lowest since 1942 when many members dropped out to serve in world war ii the mindset overload is an innovative idea created through the collaboration of current and past staff the corps of cadets will cease to exist if we do not maintain a retention rate of at least 95% weve gotta keep donors happy and ive got to keep president young happy the only way to maintain 100% retention is to change our initial mission and allow all cadets even those lacking leadership credentials to succeed said general joe ramirez the first lady of aggieland claims these changes pushed her over the edge causing her to quit the organization altogether whats the point in being a part of something that offers no challenge my predecessor reveille viii used to tell me these old army stories about how hard the mascot company [e-2] was and i couldnt wait to be a part of that then i joined this new ‘corps and the only challenge that i faced is waking up every day to the same mundane routine said reveille ix translated by her handler mia miller ‘21 reveille isnt sure what organization she will join next but her decision to part with the corps is final she turned in her papers to quit last tuesday and has already moved her belongings into moses hall there are reports that she attended a triathlon team practice yesterday citing that it will have the mental and physical challenges that she seeks buffalo wild wags

the phantom of general james earl rudder officially endorsed representative beto orourke for senate following the congressmans on-campus rally more than a week ago rudder has not commented on politics since texas a&m universitys first student body president drama in 1972 this silence led to speculation that rudder had become lax on his civic duties however recent comments by sen ted cruz r-tx made the 2018 midterm a priority for rudder for decades fish camp impact and t-camp have been using my tower and theater for their events i think over time the ‘dyed hair and ‘tofu kinda grew on me although texas a&m universitys 16th president is no longer legally eligible to vote his endorsement has come as an unwelcome surprise to many i thought that college station was a safe space for exclusively traditional values one aggie mom tweeted a former aggie band commander commented on reddit looks like old army is worse than dead – its in limbo the spirit of the spirit of aggieland said that his political leanings should not come as a surprise after years of living on a college campus i stopped being a conservative democrat of the 1960s and became a liberal democrat of the 21st century the ghosts of the og wags really dig it 一 west campus mirage

in order to raise awareness for their philanthropy the mens millennium society (mms) has adopted a new advertisement technique: carrying jars containing real tumors around campus our organization supports patients in cancer recovery said reid lowe president of mms so this is a fun attention-grabbing way to tell people about our event this weekend! come out to the ‘tumor strike this sunday from 4-7 pm at bee creek park! representatives of the organization state that the tumors which new members are required to carry in sealed hygienic jars are obtained from houston methodist hospitals cancer center additionally the members dress up each individual jar in a personalized costume i think its incredible what these kids are doing we fully support them in their attempts to raise awareness and a lot of their donations come to our research center said doctor gabriella taylor the head of cancer research at houston methodist lowe encourages those interested to attend their event on sunday and promises a free physical to the first 100 people to arrive -tukulele & wehner dog

following the big aggie win at kyle field this past weekend against the kentucky wildcats texas a&m students have a newfound faith in coach jimbo fisher and the fightin texas aggie football team the game 20-14 had students on the edge of their seats aggies all over the country have been raving about the offense hoping for a continued winning streak at one tailgate after the game larry blaze ‘07 convinced everyone that the aggies were going to go all the way to the national championship look theres one thing i know and that is that the aggies are gonna win it all! natty champs here we come! i had faith in jimbo all along how can the guy who led florida state to a title do any wrong said blaze while standing on top of two yeti coolers blaze continued to rile up the crowd at the tailgate getting attendees to chant natty champs 2k18 and we want bama the event turned into a mob with aggie fans pouring in from other tailgates at one point blaze even took out a speaker and proceeded to speak to the gathering through the connected mic freshman ryan deal had wandered up to the tailgate after her first football game astounded by what she was witnessing i can see it all now a&m versus central florida the two underdogs of the year texas a&m overcame the sumlin debacle and ucf continues to prove critics wrong leading to two of the greatest football programs ever seen said deal this guy seriously knows what hes talking about after about two hours of blaze leading the crowd the number of aggies had climbed to about three-hundred pushing the e-z up tent to its limit policemen patrolling on golf carts decided to step in to disperse the individuals and ended up issuing a public intoxication charge to blaze buffalo wild wags

shockwaves were sent through texas a&ms greek community on monday after fraternity eta alpha zeta was put under investigation for hazing the allegations began following the fraternitys annual stab pledges repeatedly night the ceremony where freshman are held down and stabbed with anything from sewing needles to broadswords is held annually to initiate pledges into the fraternity eta alpha zeta vice president and senior physics major tanner richardson made an official statement defending the ceremony on tuesday morning this tradition is the cornerstone of a pledge classs brotherhood and unity i remember my stab pledges repeatedly night yes it was difficult to have five inches of cold steel plunged into my stomach causing me so much pain that my only hope was for deaths sweet merciful embrace today however it is one of my fondest memories with my pledge brothers legal representatives of eta alpha zeta have contested that the tradition is not dangerous for their pledges as it was standard practice to close any gash with a sewing kit or office stapler soon after it was created the fraternity also argued that the tradition is entirely optional and that all pledges volunteer to be held down and stabbed while their screams are muffled all pledges have declined to comment on the validity of these claims sophomore political science major and eta alpha zeta member charles millwood spoke to the mugdown about his experiences with the ceremony it was without a doubt the moment that changed me from a boy to a man and i knew from then on that i was an eta alpha zeta when i see that jagged scar on my body just like my fathers and his fathers i feel a sense of brotherhood that flows through generations i felt truly honored to give that same experience to my pledges this year when i plunged a steak knife into their torsos critics of the investigation claim that the administration is being hypocritical by allowing members of the corps of cadets to yell and force physical exercise while also condemning fraternity members for plunging hot sharpened pieces of metal into their pledges for entertainment at this time the student conduct office is waiting for more evidence or for eta alpha zeta alumni to cease donations before it progresses with the investigation space cadet

as students begin to accept that the fall semester is indeed in full swing the aggie schedule is moving at full speed on tuesday night aggies once again will gather in academic plaza to honor those students who have passed away through the sacred and somber tradition of silver taps for some silver taps is a special time to demonstrate the unity and support of the student body for fellow members of the aggie family for others silver taps is something you do with your flo or camp once or twice it is widely agreed that attending one is sufficient and if youve been to one youve been to them all others who claim to see the importance of the event but still do not attend are able to come up with a myriad of excuses for missing the sacred ceremony many students find themselves unmotivated to stand in the humidity for forty-five minutes on a tuesday night who can blame anyone for having tired legs after standing up for a straight 7 hours of banner holding by the msc organizational pr is after all a much easier and more convenient way to express your support for texas a&m compared to silver taps other examples for staying home instead of going to silver taps have much stronger bases i just have a lot to study thats all first round of exams start tomorrow and im already way behind dedicated students say these are often the same diligent students found spending uninterrupted hours scrolling through instagram or streaming american vandal while in the library on tuesday afternoons its just too late by the time silver taps rolls around im too tired to make my way to campus and stand around for an hour in the middle of the night the over involved explain this is the typical answer of a student who at least weekly has no problem running two miles at midnight after their committee meeting gets out especially late some have blamed the twenty-one gun salute for being too loud or too jarring others have claimed the ceremony is boring what am i supposed to even think about while all thats happening the precious fragility of life the love unity and sorrow that we as members of the same student body should show each other in such a gentle time for mourning no thanks thats too much for me cant stay focused for that long it is true that being there for your fellow students and the families of those grieving the loss of a young aggie means facing the staggering discomfort of standing in the humidity for less than an hour once every month but–as difficult as that may be–isnt it worth it -bacon & ags october silver taps will honor mr thomas pierce followwill and mr joseph william little 10:30pm in academic plaza

a recent plague has struck aggieland at an alarming rate following the aggies loss to clemson many students have been noticing an outbreak of sports pass for sale disease commonly known as spfsd while cases are to be expected when approaching the end of october this years strain has become viral as early as september beutal health center has released a message providing students with prevention methods in order to avoid catching spfsd student health services texas a&m university ap beutel health center shstamuedu for immediate release: beutel health clinic 12:44 pm it has come to our attention that spfsd has become active sooner than usual this year all students are urged to avoid the use of the following: tamu sports passes for sale tamu sports passes (buy sell trade) pols 207 groupme from 2016 texas a&m free and for sale we thank you for your cooperation if you experience any symptoms of spfsd see a health professional immediately student health services provides this medical warning note in accordance with student rule 7 attendance those who are already infected with spfsd are encouraged to skip class aggie honor code an aggie does elaborate collaborate and borrow the texas a&m athletic department has already committed $75 million dollars towards research in hopes of finding a cure for spfsd if you would like to join the cause and help put an end to spfsd call 979-mugdown today longboard of regents

after starting the season 2-2 the aggies are in a difficult place their two losses are to the best two teams in the nation however in reality no team has gone to the college football playoffs (cfp) with two losses students are expressing disdain for both referees and players coach jimbo fishers cult of personality is wavering seasoned texags posters are fearful that theyll pass away before seeing a cfp appearance despite the tension the ags are not finished yet although their schedule through november has challenges only a few conditions need to be met for the aggies to reach the cfp the aggies must win out while aggies have the two best losses any team is going to get this season a third would eliminate them from cfp contention entirely this is no easy feat with mississippi state auburn and lsu still on the schedule cfp rankings have to give a&m respect being ranked in the top four by the cfp board may be the easiest feat to achieve the aggies have been in the cfp picture as recently as 2016 when we were given the final spot after starting the season 7-1 finishing 8-0 could grant the aggies enough favor to be ranked #4 or higher at the end of the season note: the cfp playoffs are decided by neither the ap or coaches poll voters kellen mond needs to play even better kellen mond has been one of the best quarterbacks in the sec this season his rushing improves every game and hes got superb field vision hes throwing 255 yards per game and has a completion percentage of 59% but what if he were throwing 2550 yards per game and had a completion percentage of 95% if kellen mond can average those numbers for the rest of the season a&m will not only win out but mond would also take every qb record in the book and likely win the heisman trophy the clemson d-line must get stuck on a spelunking trip the clemson d-line needs to become stranded in a cavethis is a must clemson donors will immediately start to throw money into saving the four projected first-rounders the response will be delayed as the billionaire philanthropist elon musk designs a new cave submarine big enough to transport players like 64 340-pound dexter lawrence through the rock tunnel missing one of the greatest defensive lines in ncaa history clemson would be crippled against rushing and likely fall out of contention the entire georgia team has to watch will smiths concussion the film about dr bennet omalus fight to publicize research on chronic traumatic encephalopathy (cte) will frighten dawgs players into quitting football with georgia poised to make another playoff run losing their entire team would be a devastating blow and open up another spot in the cfp tua tagovailoa must become a devout jew this alabama quarterback and heisman hopeful is arguably the best qb in college football this year he is expected to start every game for the tide an expectation which would not be met if he began to observe shabbat or sabbath every saturday this would completely remove him from any daytime games night games would also be a challenge as he could only play after three stars are visible in the sky this bama team may be deeper than the pockets of the 12th man foundation but missing their pious quarterback would still be a significant blow ou has to beat tu 112-0 stop finding joy in football and quit despite their recent anomaly victory over tcu football at texas university is a dying industry its entirely feasible for ou to score 16 touchdowns on the t-sips and decide there is no joy left in the game qb kyler murray has done something similar before so it wont be hard for him to show the rest of the sooners how to quit on their team before the season ends ohio states band needs to play a 90 minute show famous for their marching performances the ohio state universitys band could choose to close halftime with a 90-minute marathon performance that culminates in their world-renowned script ohio routine if the sousaphone responsible for dotting the i hasnt passed out from exhaustion its bound to be a great ending the buckeye football team would be forced to forfeit the game to make room for the show if done against one of their weaker opponents like maryland osu could lose a winnable game and fall out of the playoff picture entirely as long as the team plays hard on the field the aggies have a real shot of going to the playoffs this season fans its time for you to step up turn kyle field into the hate barn it was back when that term was coined in 2011 cheer loud send a copy of the torah to tuscaloosa fans in the athens area you can offer to host a will smith movie night for the dawgs finally remember that being the 12th man is about more than standing at football games its about doing everything you can to bring victory to texas a&m 12th man card

dear class of 2022 ive been watching youall of you you think youre so cool dont you casually walking around with your smiling faces and overstuffed backpacks and swinging lanyards i see you grin when the adoring crowd thrusts flyers in your hand and calls out class of 2022 22 22 as you pass by tell me how does it feel to be pursued how does it feel to be wanted no wait dont tell me i already know you see i was like you oncefull of hopes and dreams and ideas for my flo applications it all seems so long ago now but a little over a year ago howdy week was running in full-force for me those flyers were being passed out for me those informationals were being held for me i gobbled up all the attention like it was my daily slice of greasy msc pizza what did i get for all those interviews short answer questions and free résumé workshops nothing nada zip a bunch of rejection emails thanking me for my interest and time as if there were any other uses of my time than going to another ‘casual interview so the officers could ‘really get to know me! even my ‘new best friends seemed to mysteriously lose my number once the notifications went out its ok im past that now besides my fish camp dg mom said rejection is part of the college experience well at least i imagine thats what she would say i havent seen her since october of last year im getting off track i wanted to remind the class of ‘22 to cherish these days while they last because come fall 2019 youll be just like meanother washed-up sophomore who nobody cares about anymore that weird girl in your biology class wont even invite you to her churchs bible study ask not for whom the bell tolls it tolls for thee sincerely yours the class of ‘21 heldenfalls

early friday morning in a blatant attempt to upstage fellow classmates and boast about his sufficient academic comprehension freshman engineering major thomas whittleton attended his math 152 lecture in blocker whittleton was seen taking notes and witnesses say at one point he raised his hand to answer a question an action that was met with glares and mumbled profanities from surrounding sophomores freshmen are literally the worst everything they do just sucks so much said sophomore engineering transfer lydia gutierrez when asked to comment on whittletons disturbing actions in class when i was a freshman i never acted the way they do now i even saw him introducing himself to the professor after classi mean who does that whittleton was later spotted at sbisa dining hall during lunch paying with a meal trade his parents bought him the act was seen as very insensitive to those around him who claimed that whittleton was tastelessly flaunting his wealth in the face of anyone who looked in his direction he was then overheard conversing about the difficulty of his physics class insinuating that his workload was comparable to that of an upperclassman; this flagrant contempt for emotion elicited a jarring and upsetting reaction from witnesses the same afternoon whittleton walked across campus to the msc completely oblivious to social norms practiced by the rest of the student body; he wore a lanyard around his neck and said howdy to everyone he passed senior cadet billy redman was among those who endured the distasteful greeting who does that stupid freshman think he is acting like hes better than everyone else seriously its like he thinks hes the most redass student of all time or something said redman this reaction was similar among all of those who passed whittleton that day according to our sources after cooking some ramen for dinner in his dorm room that same evening whittleton uploaded an image of the meal online with the caption so college the post has since been removed due to multiple reports as spam university officials are currently investigating the campus-wide disturbance and are committed to keeping the student body safe from freshmen like whittleton mission trippin

in the greatest exposé in news reporting of the last century the mugdown scored an exclusive interview with texas a&m president michael k young in which he expresses his first-ever opinion fully and completely unencumbered by the board of regents chancellor john sharp and major donors president young said that the time to give an unfettered opinion is long overdue i have been at texas a&m for a good while now and i think the time has come for me to break out from underneath the oppressive thumbs of interest groups and speak my mind for once said young i have had a long and illustrious career of success and ingenuity and i feel like it is finally time for my voice to be heard young cited politics and an intense pressure to keep donors happy as an incentive for playing the puppet for so long when people give millions of dollars to this school they expect you to cater to their every whim and play the fool said young you have to entertain this person take this person to dinner and even go to the football games my god its like my own specially tailored prison! despite the possibility of backlash young said the potential benefits far outweigh the costs i know that we might lose some people and i know that ill probably earn some facebook rant from tony buzbee but he can shove it right back up in his tank said young if those fools only understood what im trying to do here how im trying to bring texas a&m into the future then they wouldnt complain! in his first official opinion ever president young took a step into one of the murkiest debates in all of aggieland: the raging debate of canes versus laynes i just think that canes is better said young that might be new army of me but the sauce is smoother the chicken crispier and the fries saliter it has everything you could want from a fried chicken joint it really does though he knows many will disagree with him president young is confident a&m will pull through stronger than ever i know students will come knocking at my door the way they did when rudder integrated a&m said young however i am prepared for it and welcome it because this dialogue will help unite this campus like never before fish daddy

while thanking god for his plans for her to work at local engineering company seltzion senior engineering major lauren buckner accepted that she would die in this town buckner came to texas a&m with dreams of working in houston or somewhere abroad after failing classes and never having an internship she has lowered her expectations to spending sixty more years in college station buckner reassured family that she isnt jealous of her friends moving to houston dallas or other large cities across the country she feels blessed that she can stay in a town where her undergraduate friends are where she already rents an apartment and where she can be comfortably buried in the late 21st century buckner plans to spend the first two years of post-grad spending time with her younger friends and trying to enjoy college station without being in student organizations her friends graduations and departures will leave a gap in her life which she expects to fill with a man whose expectations have been equally lowered honestly it would be amazing to marry another aggie buckner said i would be so excited for us to fill a house with our little giglets buckner says she still looks wistfully at apartments in berlin and new york though she knows those will always only be dreams buckner is optimistic about college station specifically the lower cost of living faster commute times and being able to rent her driveway for $40 a car on game days 12th man card

early wednesday morning students in the texas a&m department of biology were shocked to learn that their professor was not in fact an artist doctor albrand phd began the lecture with a general overview of chapter four of exploring human biology the incident occurred shortly after when dr albrand reportedly drew a cross-section of a human blood cell on the blackboard after drawing an uneven circle albrand turned to the class and stated now im not an artist so bear with me while i draw this i was confused to say the least said junior biomedical sciences major anna weaver surely in all of his time at school he wouldve taken a few art classes isnt that how that works other students expressed similar sentiments he mentioned in the first five minutes how many years he spent in grad school to get to where he is now said senior carson lou he might as well have stopped by art school on the way if he really wanted to be a good prof albrand refused to comment insisting that any questions should be asked during office hours monday thursday and friday from 1 pm to 4 pm -tukelele

dwight look college of engineering has traded industrial distribution (id) to mays business school in exchange for multiple small assets rumors began to swirl this morning about a possible blockbuster deal between the two colleges but details did not emerge until moments before a press conference announcing the trade eli jones the dean of mays business school spoke of his newest acquisition industrial distribution is a major addition for us and advances our mission to provide the highest quality education to our students jones said they are essentially the smarter version of supply chain management and are known to be the only people in the engineering college with social skills once they start using west campus library as their library of choice and transition their complaints about math 152 to mgmt 211 they should fit nicely into our culture this trade brings an end to the months-long drama involving the id department since requesting a trade back in august citing post traumatic stress disorder from repeatedly being called pretendgineers as the principal reason for the demand luke faber a senior member of the professional association of industrial distribution (paid) said he was overjoyed when he heard about the move i have been waiting my entire college career for this day! said faber although i must say i have no idea how future id majors will get sales jobs without knowing how to take an integral using the substitution rule or understanding how far a projectile will fly he said before bursting out in laughter with his surrounding id friends but if there is one thing i am going to miss about dwight it is constantly being able to remind my real engineering friends that i am an engineer like them despite having about two hours of homework each week while those within the industrial distribution department were ecstatic about the trade this sentiment was not shared by everyone across campus this is absolutely devastating to the future of my college career said freshman general engineer anna coffman i thought everyone agreed that the only reason the id department existed was for engineers who wanted to transfer to mays but didnt have good enough grades to get in now that id is no longer an option for me ill have no other choice but to take my 23 gpa to university studies-business the college of liberal arts was also interested in acquiring industrial distribution seeing ids 100% job placement rate as an improvement over their slightly lower percentage however dwight look was ultimately wooed over by mayss better offer that included a few spots on the mays study abroad trips a couple guaranteed memberships in business fellows and a respect similar to that of the combination of both a high school quarterback and the nerd he convinces to do his homework for him christian bubble butt

freshman biology major kenna howard is still reeling in anger after being mistaken for an upperclassman this past tuesday while passing the freshman leadership organization (flo) banners donning her class of 2022 shirt from fish camp she walked over to the flo banners hoping a counselor would jump on her immediately to ask her about her major and where shes from and tell her about the unique service and friendship opportunities provided by that specific flo to her immense shock nobody approached her after waiting for a group of sophomores who were in the flo last year to walk away from the banner she finally got to talk to one of this years counselors she said ‘sorry i thought you were a junior howard said recalling the encounter i didnt know what to do howard said did they think i had on an aggie ring or maybe another organizations shirt did i already look like i belonged on campus or something ive gone to such great lengths to make it so clear that im a freshman and yet i still cant seem to get the attention of banner holders in the future howard plans to purchase and wear as many class of 2022 shirts as possible wear tennis shoes to class and flash the absence of an aggie ring on her finger whenever a flo recruiter looks in her direction ring chunks

biomedical sciences student and eventual internationally renowned neuroscientist pratik anand created a scene near the south entrance of reed arena last weekend after consuming excessive amounts of alcohol and passing out at a friends tailgate anand who would be admitted into the johns hopkins school of medicine in two years from this date woke up saturday at 6 am to pre-game for the 6 pm kickoff quickly downing two beers with his roommates he began a day he would not remember until many years later when the advanced memory retrieval techniques that he himself pioneered became commonplace after finding a parking spot designated for several different businesses thus making his car immune from being towed by any of them anand and his friends began the trek to their tailgate with flasks in hand passing through the crowds near the msc anand quickly took a shot of fireball surrounded by hundreds of people whose lifespans would be vastly increased by the results of his research as the morning continued and the liquor flowed anands normally soft-spoken manner became louder and his movements less steady after interrupting a conversation with an acquaintance to interject a bizarre and incoherent political rant the man who would eventually be known as humanitys greatest benefactor staggered to the nearest trash can to vomit anand loudly proclaimed to all who were interested (and many more who were not) that he was fine before promptly passing out with his head resting inside the trash can onlookers managed to lift anand out of the trashcan meanwhile several of his friends left their tailgate to take him to the hospital where he remained unconscious until early sunday morning historians would later write that the events of this day are what motivated anands research which would successfully disable the brains addiction centers –big brother jed

after failing general chemistry ii (chem 102) this summer sophomore biology major zane caldwell has claimed earning a d as a moral victory caldwell met with the mugdown earlier this week with the hope of influencing his peers to also be optimistic in times of loss even though it will affect my gpa i am happy with how chemistry went i wasnt expecting to do well in the first place but after getting this close i know that this fall will be completely different i already know how to study i just need to do it caldwell enrolled in chem 102 this past summer term at texas a&m living in college station he had access to the evans library as well as other on-campus study options although these were made available to him caldwell insisted that he understood the material well enough to review it at home zane caldwell also mentioned that this recent failure has conditioned him well enough for any other classes he has to take before graduation as a biology student he will have to take organic chemistry and microbiology in addition to taking general chemistry once more when asked about enrolling in the class again caldwell said i know that when i take chemistry again i am going to pass the class no problem if i was this close the first time i got it despite completing every homework assignment within fifteen minutes of its due date caldwell earned a sixty-eight in the class having missed the passing mark by only two points at first i was upset that i underperformed in the class but after thinking about the bright future that lay ahead i was excited for my coming semesters as a student he said caldwell included that since failing chem 102 this summer he has made no adjustments to his sleep schedule eating habits workout routine or note taking methods in the hope of maintaining consistent performance during the fall semester left on redass

as a member of the association of former students a century club donor and loud and proud member of company e-3 ‘83 i feel that my opinion matters now im not one to cause a ruckus but there is something seriously wacky going on in college station right now i recently saw a picture on my facebook feed of the rising leaders of aggieland and if im not mistaken they were a bunch of wags i am appalled to say the least dont get me wrong there is a specific place for women in the social circles of college theyre fantastic note takers and excel in the cult of domesticity but i hate my university becoming so complacent in allowing females to hold every single leadership position on campus i was most shocked about parsons mounted cavalry a boys club from the start having a wag commander as a former cav jock i dont think i can ever view the organization the same way again the reason for my alarm is rooted in good ol biology women have a certain time of the month when they get a little pissed off (you know what im referring to) now i think of myself as an optimist however when women are in close quarters as the new leaders of texas a&m undoubtedly will be they start to sync those monthly cycles its simple biology! what happens when every single campus leader is pissed off at the same time anarchy! in my humble opinion the only female we really need in leadership is the first lady of aggieland ms reveille (shes a neutered dog so the cycle thing isnt an issue) women obviously deserve a place on campus but the implications of having them in every major leadership position are risky mark my words aggieland when those cycles sync up the university will fall to pieces buffalo wild wags

san antonio texas on monday sophomore biomedical sciences major elizabeth rogers made her first post regarding her study abroad at san antonio college (sac) as is common among students who study abroad rogers created an account specifically for her trip rogers described her experience in the rolling expanse of the 57th most diverse city in america as breathtaking i feel so culturally aware now said rogers this trip has really impacted my view of the world while many have been supportive some friends of rogers feel caught off-guard when compared to her original account rogers appears to be an entirely different person the original account is defined by trips to foundation lounge and fraternity parties while the study abroad account consists of historical landmarks and churches members of the rogers family have created instagram accounts to follow along with her experience i am just so happy that our baby girl is getting to see the world so close to home said joyce rogers rogers mother academically rogers is taking a country music class for her creative arts requirement and has even related what she is learning to her out-of-class experiences one post shows a candid picture of rogers margarita in hand walking along the river walk with the caption just taking a ‘san antonio stroll to follow along with rogers journey follow (@aggiegirly_feelin_spursy) on instagram the mugdown staff

really exciting very extroverted individuals laughing and loving everything sensationally or reveilles is a brand new womens organization recruiting for the first time at a&m this fall! their president lydia burton explains why this organization is different from every other all-female group on campus what i love about our organization is that its going to expand nationwide the largest advantage greek life has over womens organizations is the fact that sororities are nationally recognized but reveilles is here to change that by 2020 we should have expanded across the nation having alabama reveilles and even expanding to ut burton explains general member maya patrick gives us her take on why this new womens organization is so special were going to buy a house for all of our members to live in to increase unity sororities usually only allow girls to live in their housing for a single year but we think having the option to live under the same roof for up to four years will really boost harmony among us burton also openly explained how theyre going to make hazing their members publicly known we are proud to announce that our new ladies will get to drive all current officers to and from school what better way to get to know your sisters than to complain about our education first thing in the morning as sorority recruitment comes to an end womens organizations are beginning their recruitment to pick up the girls who didnt quite make it through the madness of howdy week be on the lookout for new organizations that are offering different alternatives for the same issue we all have–making friends -wehner dog

the newest addition to the texas a&m dating and safety scene was announced monday with confirmation that the cadet escort escort service (cees) will launch at the beginning of the fall 2018 semester the program is planned to run parallel with the cadet escort service and provide single cadets to any boot chaser wanting a date to walk them home after dark or on weekends paul samson junior communications major a cadet in squadron 7 and designer of the program spoke briefly at the announcement ceremony this is truly a step forward for the corps and the campus at large no longer will single freshman girls have to waste their time with awkward male fish who cant string a sentence together when talking to them samson said the project was greenlit following a trial run during the week before the phi alpha omega and beta delta beta formals where the number of cadets in instagram posts more than tripled and complaints of cadets awkwardly staring were cut by half compared to last years formals cees will provide a number of options for any budget that can be added to a base model cadet premiums such as senior boots max physical fitness scores and an out of regulation haircut can be purchased for those who so desire for budget-minded consumers the at least hes in khaki package is available complete with a first-semester fish haircut and inability to talk about anything other than the corps for a monthly fee bootchasers can join cadet escort escort platinum to gain premium perks these perks include summer and winter break usage guaranteed first deck football tickets in the corps block and access to the commanding officer line of cadets this line includes selections such as reserved/very sexy (rvs) and particularly masculine cadets (pmc) corps operations officer and senior mechanical engineering major kyle baker gave an official statement from the corps of cadets regarding cees cadet key leaders give their full support to the new program every time a sorority member has to sit through a 5 minute conversation with a socially awkward cadet irreparable damage is done to the image of the corps of cadets and the ability for male cadets to find a date said baker the cadet escort escort service plans to open to the public at the beginning of howdy week this fall plans for an exclusively female cees called women of aggieland guardian service (wags) is projected to be available by spring 2019 space cadet

recently a group of students taking an introductory psychology class has started to wonder if the class attendance policy was put in place to boost the professors self-confidence after realizing the class tests could be easily passed by studying a quizlet flashcard set the students began to question if they were appeasing a power-trip of the professor by adhering to the attendance policy if the lesson was actually useful i would to go to class its not like im ever going to need to know this stuff again said sandra hendrickson a freshman marketing major who will need to know this stuff again another student claimed that the class is all common sense but retracted the statement after failing the second test contrary to the theory spread amongst students about his need for approval the classs professor does not care if the students go to class studies show time and time again that class attendance increases long-term learning said professor thaler i am just trying to nudge students into going to class and earning a few additional points despite claims made by thaler many of the students still believe the esteemed professor is an attention-seeking loser 12th man bowels

two weeks was the greatest test of strength and bravery any girl at texas a&m could face: sorority recruitment it was a constant battle between sweat and makeup humidity and hairspray and most importantly: potential new members (pnms) and the world newly pledged kappa omega janet landers was excited about recruitment when my sisters were clapping and screaming at the door telling us they were ‘red hot they werent lying landers said all of their faces were totally sunburned and every single one of them looked dehydrated! ella daniels a pnm who didnt make it through the week told the mugdown about her experience i just dont understand why any girl with any sense of morality would go through this process daniels said i was told by three deltas that i would not only get a bid but would be iced after! would you like to know the result i got cut! i just dont know how girls can look me in the eye and make a promise and then drop me because i forgot to mention my favorite bar on northgate i am a freshman! the only place i know i can get wine is at st marys on sundays! fortunately all of the sophomores got the bids they wanted newly pledged alpha zeta michelle jacobson confirmedthere were only eighty sophomores who went through recruitment jacobsen said so we got to pick everyone has to meet their minimums all that remains of sorority recruitment week are wrappers from hastily-eaten mints and an array of blotch paper strewn across every houses yard while some argue that pnms who made it out alive deserve a medal of a sort pins will have to suffice -wehner dog

beginning august 20th the first day of howdy week the starbucks at the texas a&m university barnes and noble will be expanding its list of acceptable forms of payment while rather unconventional one payment method soon to be valid is human sacrifice these changes announced late last july are being made in response to years of customer requests for methods that better accommodate students currently this starbucks location accepts three payment types: cash credit/debit card and barnes & noble gift cards all of which have been have been declining in usefulness among students in recent years although solutions such as the starbucks app venmo and dining dollars payment methods have been highly requested the cost of implementing such systems is just too high said company spokesperson eric joiner rather than changing with technology the company has decided to take a more traditional approach the acceptance of human sacrifice a highly anticipated change is being heralded as retro and throwback by several students and employees the process will function very similarly to that of the pay it forward trend in which one customer pays for the order that follows their own however rather than benefiting the next person in line this process will benefit the original customer while standing in line after placing an order a customer simply motions to someone behind them and explains that they will be paying at that time the chosen person must provide a standard form of payment or be publicly executed company representatives have not yet released details outlining planned execution methods some students have voiced concerns regarding the new methods implementation i think it will reduce their customer base if we all start killing each other for their coffee said becky smith a freshman business major smith did however see one benefit to this change i guess that means shorter lines for me homewrecking crew

support staff is the backbone of any organization but what happens when the most humble member of the house gets a home of their own by west campus mirage | april 2018 this kitchen is the cleanest one i have ever seen better homes and gardens could barely even dream of the perfection everything is in its exact place organized by color and all looking brand new one feels nervous to even breathe in this sterile room for fear of contaminating it there is a beautiful fragility here the kitchen belongs to the sinclare family an affluent presence in the river oaks community the large plantation-style home sends a message to all those who see it: power resides here indeed elizabeth sinclare wields a formidable amount of authority as the youngest partner at the maddox & lee legal firm she commands every room as if it is a courtroom her courtroom the rumors of an eventual judicial appointment are easy to believe with all the attention that the young law prodigy receives it would be incredibly difficult for the mugdown to book an interview thankfully elizabeth is not the sinclare i am trying to reach thomas sinclare née macon met elizabeth sinclare when they were both sophomores at texas a&m university yes i remember it well sinclare said when i asked about how he met his wife it was my first day on the job and i was so nervous and jumpy i literally ran into her while i was carrying a large stack of plates ceramic and food went everywhere and i was so embarrassed! but then i looked up and saw my lizzie for the first time and both of us were speechless it has been nearly a decade since sinclare last held the title of houseboy at the eta theta zeta sorority house traditionally held by members of a brother organization houseboys are responsible for serving meals cleaning dishes and performing odd-jobs around a sororitys house in sinclares case it was his membership in aggie men embracing nobility (amen) that gave him the advantage needed to land the minimum-wage job it was such an honor to be chosen to be a houseboy i dont know how many other amens applied for the job but im sure the competition was steep! sinclare accepted the position with the utmost reverence imagine the amount of trust that they put in me a crude male to have access to a house full of beautiful women! i had to really hold myself accountable during my time at eta theta as we talked sinclare took me on a tour of his large home he showed me the meticulous decorations that he had arranged in each of the many rooms every room has two notable items in it: an award or trophy from elizabeths career and one of thomas projects since he graduated in 2009 sinclare has had a lot more time to dedicate to his artwork given the national eta theta zeta requirement that houseboys must be full-time students thomas was simply unable to work every night of the week to help lighten the workload paul tinnam was also hired i was able to catch up with paul at his office in fredericksburg tx my job at the eta theta house i barely remember that now it was really just a way to make ends meet tinnam suspects that he was given the job purely because he had a food handling license paul and his wife run a non-profit organization that focuses on feeding impoverished teenagers tinnam says that local sororities have often tried to partner with them for philanthropy events but there has not been a successful pairing yet its kind of funny now that i think about it those eta theta girls had no appreciation for food and not much has changed though the mugdown was unable to get any comment from elizabeth sinclare her husband had more than enough words to share about their relationship she doesnt get to come home often but when she is back its like i never stopped being her houseboy could there be any higher honor than tirelessly waiting on my girl – i mean wife

despite insurmountable odds and immense doubt from her peers sophomore katherine hunt bravely went to her classes today despite logistical hurdles and the allure of aggie football after facing the gauntlet of aggieland traffic our intrepid heroine parked in fan field and rode bus 5 bush school to main campus in compliance with the parking notice she had received earlier this week overcoming the obstacles of campus transportation she arrived at her 3:05 pm class 15 minutes early so she could respond to emails and study her notes from the previous lecture in class our best and brightest miss katherine hunt did not glance at her phone boldly taking notes in pen she began to grasp the concept her professor was lecturing about armed with this new knowledge she stood on the shoulders of giants and asked a question in the middle of class willfully ignoring the tailgating happening just across campus despite her incredible acts of transportation flexibility and superhuman willpower to attend class she doesnt think herself special im not a hero or an inspiration hunt said i just think that were here to learn ring chunks

texas a&m authorities reached a decision on sunday allowing victims of sexual violence to continue their education on campus despite the threat they pose to the universitys image this decision followed definitive rulings finding these individuals to be victims beyond a reasonable doubt it makes me feel safe knowing that a&m will have my back like that if im ever in my time of need said ally harrisen an incoming student who had just finished her first fish camp clear presentation that victims are allowed to be present on campus – as long as they stay quiet and accommodate their rapists – lets me know that were all equally valued i feel assured that a&m is committed to following through with the promises theyve made for my safety here today returning students also voiced their appreciation for the university-mandated training that would help them avoid becoming victims of sexual assault in the future although potential rapists may face no serious consequences from the reporting methods taught in the trainings potential victims were happy to learn six different ways to say no while victims will be allowed to finish their education a&m administration told the mugdown that the process still leaves a lot to be desired we hope to make changes in the future so that students accused and/or convicted of committing sexual violence can continue their education and extracurricular activities with as little disturbance as possible an a&m representative said even though each student is respected and cherished here we have to understand that the reputation of the university takes precedence said chancellor john sharp if victims come out with their stories it affects all of us in the aggie community as much as i would love to consistently stand with victims the false sense of security weve maintained is absolutely paramount this decision to allow victims to finish their degrees despite their inconvenient presence is a testament to the kindness of the university not everyone gets second chances like these when asked about how the university feels concerning the distress caused to survivors of sexual violence on campus sharp said while ferpa says we cant talk about specific cases we do want to say that legally speaking we followed all the rules therefore we did not do anything wrong as an administration i feel weve been very clear that violent behavior is a big no-no we just want the record to show that we tried our best anime sciences ring chunks and the maroon scare

in the past few days students across the country have realized that the impact made by the class of 2018 is already halfway gone many graduates still in college station thought that the other half went home while the newly announced former students who returned to their hometowns assumed the same of their peers it feels like somethingor someonejust snapped them out of existence said nikki fiori a rising junior fiori noted that it was possible that the class of 2018 moved on to their adult careers but seriously doubted it i remember how important their legacy was to them they really wanted to be the guardians of traditions prior to graduation president of the aggie acrobatics club pete park went on record to say i dont feel so good about the direction of this org i remember what it was like when we were just a friendly on-campus athletic club park voiced great concern about how his organization had devolved as younger classes rose to leadership others shared this concern joey haldanada a former impact director noted that the class of 2021 had always seemed eager to get rid of their seniors the entire time i knew them they only ever had one goal to wipe out half of what the senior class had accomplished haldanada said on graduation weekend it appeared that the now-sophomores accomplished their goal with the combined power of the 8 main-campus ceremonies half of old army was obliterated from aggieland and pushed into the real world however half of the team still remains ppa students over-eager graduate students and the useless-but-we-keep-them-as-comic-relief late finishers are still on campus trying desperately to assemble 5th-year engineering student toni strack told the mugdown if we cant save old army then you can be damn well sure we will eventually start an endowment to make people think that we avenged it west campus mirage

the american cancer association announced this morning that texas a&m christian mens organizations are now considered a group one carcinogen christopher hansen president of the american cancer association made the announcement this morning at an official press conference after spending weeks at texas a&m studying tobacco usage it has become clear to us that there is a major smoking epidemic on campus said hansen our studies have shown that coal miners are 35% less likely to develop cancer than men who join a christian mens organization our hope is that by spreading awareness of this crisis we can prevent these lifelong brotherhoods from ruining mens lives smoking rates across the country have been declining for decades thanks to efforts like red ribbon week but within these organizations it remains at levels the general population hasnt seen since the 1960s while images of black lungs and facts about cancer rates prevent most young people from smoking this study shows neither can withstand the pressure of an opportunity for intentional conversation matthew johnson a sophomore in byx shared with the mugdown how he began smoking i went to my first byx rush event as a freshman and got to chatting with senior brock kelly said johnson brock and i went to high school together back at trinity christian academy where he was an absolute legend so when he asked me to hang out afterwards i was stoked and wanted to impress him he offered me a marlboro red and i just couldnt say no one thing led to another and here i am a year and a half later ripping through a pack every other day bca (brotherhood of christian aggies) junior matt pearson echoed johnsons struggle with smoking and expressed disdain for how his organization has been affected by widespread tobacco use smoking has become so widespread in bca that if we removed the exception in our no tobacco policy for cigs at our events we would have to kick out half of our members said pearson the effect on our organization has been heavier than the familiar haze of smoke at our brotherhood eventswhy do you think we made our philanthropy a 5k not all of the men we talked to saw tobacco use amongst these groups as a negative john hurtado a junior in kyx defended his tobacco usage i turn 21 next month and have managed to go my entire college career without drinking underage hurtado said but at the same time how can anyone expect me to survive college without finding some way to get a buzz many men in these organizations claim that the decision was an overreaction alex crafton a recently initiated active in byx also assured us that his smoking habit was not a big deal and that he would quit when he turned 21 christian bubble butt photo courtesy of lindsay fox https://ecigarettereviewedcom/

dear freshman congratulations! you have now almost finished two full semesters of college and are becoming an independent adult there is still one habit however that you can quit in order to save you from future public awkwardness there comes a time in every college students career where they can begin to avoid old acquaintances from back home that time is now take that conversation you had with your old senior class president jared hernandez for example lets be honest you never said a word to him until you ran into him at sbisa during howdy (gig ‘em) week oh my gosh how have you been you said trying your best to seem interested little did you know he did not want to talk either he had actually forgotten your name and spent the following five minutes trying to remember after playing question battleship for what seemed like an eternity you attempted to say goodbye just as he began asking you about what flo you were going to apply for (because duh who doesnt apply for a flo) uh yeah see you later jared quickly said and the embarrassment began to sink in you committed yourself to never make that mistake again but the aggie spirit inside you could not be suppressed time after time this year you subjected yourself to awkward encounters with even worse denouements fear not! your freshman year is coming to a close and with it comes time to reflect and learn from your experiences treat high school acquaintances in the same manner which you treat those who pass out flyers in the msc look straight ahead resisting all urges to see if they have noticed you and you will truly see the light at the end of the awkwardness tunnel continue moving at all costs they may turn to face you or even say your name ignore it remember neither party wants to talk to one another they just have not had the chance to read this letter yet homewrecking crew

last thursday a student was spotted stumbling into the evans library starbucks according to police reports bystanders identified the student as sophomore elliot hammers a known caffeine junkie looking for his next fix hammers appeared to be experiencing withdrawals as characterized by his violent twitching and frequent outbursts those around him reported repeated unsolicited bragging when someone nearby complained about being tired hammers reportedly shouted oh yeah well ive only slept four hours in the last three days im already on my fifth cup of coffee today by the time hammers had reached the front of the line a starbucks employee had already alerted the campus police who moved in to arrest him university police returned hammers to his dorm room where they were shocked at what they discovered officer dale barnes shared the harrowing details jesus this guy has caffeine paraphernalia everywhere in his dorm room barnes said looking around in disgust weve got k-cups hidden under the bed red bull cans everywhere coffee grounds all over the sink my god he even has a french press officer barnes went on to explain that this sort of behavior is becoming increasingly common with college students these punks try to get an edge any way they can said barnes clearly disturbed by what he had seen why cant you junkies just get enough sleep like the rest of your peers instead of gaming the system its so sad to see kids these days turning to drugs to solve their problems interyellar

last thursday on her first night working carpool operations freshman valerie milligan actually thought she was going to drive instead of navigate i thought that since i have insurance and a drivers license i would be exactly as likely to drive as my partner said milligan but i just felt bad since he really really wanted to drive tonight i think he said something about not having a womans talent for multitasking carpool is a student organization at texas a&m dedicated to providing safe free nonjudgmental rides to anyone in the bryan-college station area each car is staffed by two volunteers one male and one female and the jobs of navigator and driver are divided between them volunteers regularly report their excitement to be the first point of human contact for their partner who often appears to have never interacted with another person the driver talks to patrons and focuses on the road while the navigator writes a short paragraph during every ride takes song requests uses the gps to give directions and fills out receipts in addition to making conversation with the patrons women are actually better evolved for tasks like navigating said jacob barnes a junior in carpool they were gatherers back in the caveman days so their eyes are better suited for writing in the dark sometimes staring at the lime-green paper makes my tummy hurt but it doesnt affect women as much since theyre adapted to handle morning sickness i just think men are better drivers said one carpool patron who chose to remain anonymous i dont have to be politically correct since im drunk i dont mind always being the navigator said carpool sophomore hannah kilgore at first i was kind of upset because i love to drive but now i really do see that we couldnt operate without women taking all of the responsibility for rides men and women naturally have totally different strengths but were definitely equals being given so much responsibility just shows that the future is female! mugdown staff

ring dunking is a popular albeit unofficial tradition involving students dropping their newly-awarded aggie ring into a pitcher of beer and competing for who can can finish it off the fastest over the years various strategies have been developed to gain a competitive edge: light beers are the typical choice for ring dunks and are usually left out to become flat and room-temperature assisting the dunker in the consumption of 60-ounces of beer junior greg vaughn however chose to use his dunk to show his appreciation of finer beers instead of coors or keystone vaughn chose to dunk in kings pale a microbrew from boulder colorado its a double ipa 96% abv that combines carapils roasted caramel citrus and cascade hops vaughn told several attendees unprompted as soon as vaughns former flo asked if he wanted to dunk with them he began to search for a beer to showcase both his knowledge and developed palate a dunk is the biggest beer drinking moment of your life vaughn said ill never have 200 people looking at me and what im drinking again so this beer had to be really special vaughn eventually chose kings pale because of the name color and obscurity dunk attendees were not impressed reports indicate that vaughn finished last by three and a half minutes late enough that most guests had already left to attend dunks starting the next hour all my other friends were drinking garbage; of course they finished faster vaughn said plus i kept stopping to savor the hoppy aftertaste it wasnt as good flat and room temperature but this beer cost me $8 a can i had to get as much out of it as possible reports indicate that vaughn did not attend other dunks but instead walked home to workshop poems for the following nights mic check 12th man card

last thursday at a fully-catered lunch panel on the future of the bush school dean mark welsh announced that the bush school of government and public service will soon surpass mays school of business in preppiness i fully expect that this school will overtake the business school within the year if not much sooner dean welsh said welsh a retired four-star air force general explained that although prep is hard to measure empirically people will notice nonetheless for example my students wear business professional any time they set foot in the building welsh said mays students might be training to become professionals but they rarely look like it he explained that the consistent stream of high-profile visitors was the reason bush school students dress so extravagantly on a daily basis regardless of whether or not a guest was scheduled that day the announcement comes at a time of transition for the allen building the physical home of the bushies as bush school students call themselves next fall the economics department will no longer be allowed in the allen building with the political science department close behind this will be a huge improvement to our school community said colin oake a second-year graduate student we were always held back by the presence of undergraduates now we have access to all of the space to which we are entitled aside from purging the allen building of undergrads bushies take pride in their attention to public service rather than personal gain my classes are filled with people who would rather take a low-paying job and give back to their country than work in retail oake said although we pretty much always land jobs that compensate us nicely first-year graduate student lori inlow emphasized the bush schools clout with other preppy schools every year we challenge the lbj school at tu to a softball game not only does this demonstrate that we are the only school redass enough to keep that rivalry alive but it also gives us an opportunity to network with other elite students inlow argued that this association boosts the preppiness of the bush school significantly when asked if this announcement indicated the birth of a competition between texas a&ms government and business schools dean welsh shut down the idea you think that eli jones will ever rival me that nerd has spent all of his life working for renowned research schools he could never challenge a prestigious government school led by yours truly how hard is it to teach business to a few thousand frat guys anyways ⎻ west campus mirage photo courtesy of sterlin shaffer18 memorial student center

aggies supporting sustainability a student club focused on saving the environment advertised for their spring program at texas a&m on wednesday the event features a guest lecturer norman green who will give a talk entitled simple ways for organizations to reduce waste while manning their posts in the main hall of the msc members of aggies supporting sustainability have been extremely successful at getting fliers into the hands of passing students our goal is to get the word out to everyone about this wonderful upcoming event said club president al moore there is no other way to do it we must get a flier in the hands of every single person that passes a few passers-by have felt violated by the clubs efforts some students reported being physically grabbed to make sure they got a flier while others reported having fliers stuffed into backpacks this dude grabbed me and said i needed to go to his event said sophomore reid johnson i said i was busy that night and then the guy flipped me off when i threw the flier away even after annoying many students attempting to get lunch moore decided that the crew needed to double its efforts we are trying to save the world it is not my problem if some people are going to whine about how we do it said moore as of now only three non-club members have rsvpd to go to to the lecture 12th man bowels

student jonathan waters faces exile from the agriculture and life sciences tribe following an investigation which outed waters as a city slicker despite his best efforts to adopt the tribes customs it did not take long for waters true identity to be revealed beginning a career in the school of agriculture and life sciences was challenging for waters in an attempt to blend in waters wore camo crocs and borrowed his roommates bright pastel fishing shirts he read online agriculture news sources to pick up on common lingo used in the ag community and even tried to rush the popular mens agricultural fraternity alpha gamma rho (agr) i wish i could say i chose ag economics because i was genuinely interested in it in reality i knew i could never pass chem 101 waters said i grew up in the woodlands and had no idea everyone here had been involved in 4h or ffa how was i supposed to tell them i didnt have a collection of trucker hats waters true identity was kept secret until other students noticed his backpack lacked a cattle ear tag keychain which was enough to raise eyebrows randy dallas an elder in the agricultural tribe was open with his suspicion of waters ag knowledge one time i asked him to recite the first line of the ffa creed dallas said his lips started to quiver and in that moment i knew he was a phony i should have known when he didnt have a belt buckle or thick stitched jeans that a city slicker had infiltrated our ranks after short deliberation elders of the agricultural tribe announced that the exile is effective immediately and includes several restrictions on waters remaining time in the program though waters is able to finish his degree he is subject to silence from his peers and faces exclusion from alpha gamma rho and any other ag-related social circles when asked by the mugdown about where he would go from here waters explained that he is not the only one in exile waters now resides with a tribe of outcasts consisting of the entire recreational parks and tourism sciences program as well as several nutrition and food science majors interyellar and mad chaco

by that friend from high school hey its justin dillons! hows it going oh youre busy i know how that goes; before i found my current job it seemed like the more i was working the less i was making go figure! i know we havent talked in two or three years time sure flies doesnt it hard to believe high school was that long ago anyway i wanted to reach out because ive been thinking about you recently youve always been driven so you were the first person to come to mind when i found this amazing job opportunity that pays unbelievably well and requires almost no time or effort! its crazy that people dont realize that you could be making a seven-figure income in a matter of weeks with the company that i work for! what company is that doesnt really matter if youre making seven digits! haha! what qualifications youve already got what it takes a hard-working attitude and a passion for success nope no website! but there is an informational next tuesday at 7pm at the tryp by wyndhamyeah off of texas aven no its not the sketchy hotel its behind the jack in the box of course the job is real! and the best part is that you can make a ton of money by just networking and hanging out with friends! a scam come on do you think id be hitting up an old friend like you to wrap you into some sort of scheme im just trying to help you out by offering you the chance to avoid the rat race everyone is scrambling to work as a pencil-pusher in some soulless corporate firm after graduation but im offering you an opportunity to secure your financial future decades before your peers well im sure youll change your mind once you sleep on it wouldnt want you to miss out on a chance to see your bank account hit one million before age 30 see you next tuesday!

another school year has flown by which means its time once again to say goodbye to our own graduating senior members just as one anxiously waits for the next bit of our content to reach the public so have these friends of ours been waiting to be made known to the world their time contributing to the mugdown is coming to an end but the legacy and satire they leave behind will live on congratulations to our graduating seniors!

on wednesday sophomore computer science major eric livingston confirmed reports that he wears a helmet when biking my decision to wear a helmet is a personal matter livingston said addressing a crowd of disgruntled students at rudder plaza its my body and my choice and i dont appreciate your judgment several students around campus confirmed that they had seen the disturbing sight oh yeah i know who that is said junior alexia castor i was so shocked when i saw him that i nearly got hit by another bike behind me while bikes have long been popular on campus usage has surged exponentially in the past four years transportation experts have attributed this trend to the constantly expanding campus and the often unreliable bus system today an unwritten code of conduct governs on-campus cycling most cyclists with the clear exception of livingston conform to the no helmet policy and to regulation requiring sidewalk-only riding when addressing the crowd livingston maintained his decision to continue wearing his helmet despite the negative attention it attracts my uncle suffered a traumatic brain injury while riding a bike seven years ago livingston said after witnessing his recovery i know that enduring the stares and jeers is so much better than going through what he did especially considering the way some people ride their bikes on campus sophomore max driskill who sits near livingston in csce 221 said the helmet usage disturbs his classroom environment [eric] always comes in with his hair all messed up and stuff its like he thinks his safety is more important than his appearance heldenfalls

katy perry sia and a list of other popular superstars have filed a class-action lawsuit against texas a&m panhellenic for member sorority sisters stealing the celebrities signature wig look sorority members have been seen wearing the wigs in college stations northgate district as well as at date parties sisterhood events and philanthropy fundraisers among the most routine violators as identified in the lawsuit are senior pledge classes seniors have been spotted throughout the week wearing these attention-demanding wigs while participating in bar crawls a trend that has significantly increased during the 2017-2018 academic year the mugdown spoke with sorority students to get a better understanding of the trend i just love the attention! the first night i went to logies wearing these wigs and matching t-shirts with my sisters i mustve gotten a dozen comments and just as many free drinks said justine dalini a senior bims major and member of eta theta zeta sorority although sorority members have been reaping the benefits from these simple yet loud hair accessories the pop music industry hopes to bring an end to this popular look in college station the artists represented by this legal action have spent many years building their reputation through use of the colored wig a statement from the lawsuit said any unauthorized use of the wigs dilutes the plaintiffs marketable value if a civil trial results from this lawsuit texas a&ms judicial court has jurisdiction and will hear the case after sorting through the pile of appeals from losing parties of the 2018 student body election good bullogna