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AS BILL SEES IT
Personality Change
"It has often been said of A.A. that we are interested only on
alcoholism. That is not true. We have to get over drinking in
order to stay alive. But anyone who knows the alcoholic
personality by firsthand contact knows that no true alky ever
stops drinking permanently without undergoing a profound
personality change."
We thought "conditions" drove us to drink, and when we
tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldn't
do so to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out of
hand and we became alcoholics. It never ocurred to us that
we needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatever
they were.
In God's Hands
When we look back, we realize that the things which came to
us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than
anything we could have planned.
My depression deepened unbearable, and finally it seemed to
me as though I were at the very bottom of the pit. For the
moment, the last vestige of my proud obstinacy was
crushed. All at once I found myself crying out, "If there is a
God, let Him show Himself! I am ready to do anything,
anything!"
Suddenly the room lit up with a great white light. It seemed to
me, in the mind's eye, that I was on a mountain and that a
wind not of air but of spirit was blowing. And then it burst
upon me that I was a free man. Slowly the ecstasy subsided. I
lay on the bed, but now for a time I was in another world,a
new world of consciouness. All about me and through me
there was a wonderful feeling of Presence, and I thought to
myself, "So this is the God of the preachers!"
Pain and Progress
"Years ago I used to commiserate with all people who
suffered. Now I commiserate only with those who suffer in
ignorance, who do not understand the purpose and ultimate
utility of pain."
Someone once remarked that pain is the touchstone of
spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with him,
for we know that the pains of alcoholism had to come before
sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.
"Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the Light, even
though for the moment you do not see."
Can We Choose?
We must never be blinded by the futile philosophy that we
are just the hapless victims of our inheritance, of our life
experience, and of our surroundings -- that these are the sole
forces that make our decisions for us. This is not the road to
freedom. We have to believe that we can really choose.
"As active alcoholics, we lost our ability to choose
whetherwe would drink. We were the victims of a compulsion
which seemed to decree that we must go on with our own
destruction.
"Yet we finally did make choices that brought about
recovery. We came to believe that alone we were powerless
over alcohol. This was surely a choice, and a most difficult
one. We came to believe that a Higher Power could restore
us to sanity when we became willing to practice A.A.'s
Twelve Steps.
"In short, we chose to `become willing', and no better choice
did we ever make."
Maintenance and Growth
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads
only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that
we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have
been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the
maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this
business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is
fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off
from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns
and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and
the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious
luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are
poison.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 66
All or Nothing?
Acceptance and faith are capable of producing 100 per cent
sobriety. In fact, they usually do; and they must, else we
could have no life at all. But the moment we carry these
attitudesinto our emotional problems, we find that only
relative results are possible. Nobody can, for example,
become completely free from fear, anger, and pride.
Hence, in this life we shall attain nothing like perfect humility
and love. So we shall have to settle, respecting most of our
problems, for a very gradual progress, punctuated
sometimes by heavy setbacks. Our oldtime attitude of "all or
nothing" will have to be abandoned.
The Realm of the Spirit
In ancient times material progress was painfully slow. The
spirit of modern scientific inquiry, research and invention
was almost unknown.
In the realm of the material, men's minds were fettered by
superstition, tradition, and all sorts of fixed ideas. Some of
the contemporaries of Columbus thought a round earth
preposterous. Others came near putting Galileo to death for
his astronomical heresies.
Are not some of us just as biased and unreasonable about
the realm of the spirit as were the ancients about the realm of
the material?