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questionID stringlengths 24 24	questionTitle stringlengths 16 146 ⌀	questionText stringlengths 26 2.7k ⌀	questionUrl stringlengths 34 178	topics stringlengths 5 71 ⌀	therapistName stringlengths 7 64	therapistUrl stringlengths 42 98	answerText stringlengths 11 224k
5797a411b43cd7825e26e246	How do I fix my relationship?	My boyfriend is in recovery from drug addiction. We recently got into a fight and he has become very distant. I don't know what to do to fix the relationship.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-fix-my-relationship-3	Relationships,Addiction	2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider	https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider	<p>I would first suggest you sitting down with him and voicing your concerns about how distant he has been, or more importantly you have felt that he is.  This will give clarification to the situation as we need to remember that everyone's perception can be different. Remember that relationships take work and take communication.</p>
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb	How does someone approach a counselor?	How does a person start the counseling process?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor	Counseling Fundamentals	2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider	https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider	<p>I think it is important that you are able to convey what you are looking for in a therapist even if that changes over time.  You need to look at it like you are interviewing the counselor and that they will be able to provide you with the therapy you need.  To many times we do not know and it ends up not being a good fit and then people are left with a bad experience and do not want to re-engage.  Remembering you are basically hiring someone to help you so I would treat it as such. Do some research and be clear as to why you are coming to therapy and ask questions as how they will be able to help you. </p>
569c30c0de405677109cb584	My brother is an addict. He has does nothing but ruin my family. I don't know how to cope with it anymore.	My brother has been a heroin addict for years, and he’s now in his mid-30s. He has taken from me my mom and my grandparents. He's sick in the head. Now he moved his girlfriend into the house because they both manipulated us. Today, my mom and my brother went toe-to-toe over his girlfriend not helping around the house and always being high. I ended up hitting my brother for getting so close to my mom's face. I feel terrible, but he's always picking his girlfriend over us. Mind you, he tells other girls that he hates his girlfriend, he's single, and she's only living here because he feels bad. We tried kicking them out and everything, but nothing is working. They do nothing to try and help.	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-brother-is-an-addict-he-has-does-nothing-but-ruin-my-family-i-don-t-know-how-to-cope-with-it-anymore	Family Conflict,Addiction,Substance Abuse	2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider	https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider	<p>I think the best thing for you is to speak with someone on how you can best cope with the situation.  It can be challenging living in a household with someone who is currently addicted.  It is also important that you realize that you can only work on yourself.  Other individuals need to take the same accountability.  Enabling often happens in households with addiction. It can be a challenging environment to live in.  </p>
579eb688188cd61c1684e83c	My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do.	I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do	Family Conflict,Parenting	2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider	https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider	<p>Unfortunately I think most of us have heard this, so you are not alone.  If you are still under her roof she has leverage as to what her expectations are while you are living there.  I would consider therapy for the both of you to see if there could be a middle ground that could be agreed upon.  Often times a 3rd party can help with conflict.  If there is no resolution then I would look to get creative in finding a place of your own. </p>
573bdc607d5e6b5321fad9d7	What can I do about my children blaming me for their addictions?	I have three children: a biological daughter, a stepdaughter, and a stepson. I found out my stepdaughter overdosed today. My daughter blames me. I told her to stay out of it. I'm scared of all three kids now. They all blame me for their choices they made. All three have drug addictions. I had a stroke in 2013 so I need to depend on people from now on.	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-children-blaming-me-for-their-addictions	Parenting,Addiction	2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider	https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider	<p>Blaming others is one of our greatest coping mechanisms.  It is not just for addiction, and often we blame the ones closest to us.  You can not stop them from blaming you, you can stop yourself for taking on the burden.  We are all in charge of the choices we make.  No one makes us do something other than our self.  We choose how we internalize and react to situations.  I would find a good therapist who understands family dynamics and addiction to help you cope with your current environment and help you move forward.  </p>
573a0c74dc68e0c40704b147	How do I help my husband get over his drinking addiction?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-help-my-husband-get-over-his-drinking-addiction	Addiction	2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider	https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider	<p>Acknowledgment from your husband and wiling to make changes is essential first.  We often try to force people to make changes hoping that they will see that we are right, even when they may not be ready.  Having a willingness to work together and be supportive is fundamental in recovery.  If he is not quite there yet I would snuggest individual therapy for yourself where you have an outlet and can also gain suggestions on what the next steps might be. If he is ready I would suggest you engage in therapy together and be ready to listen to him and what his needs might be. </p>
5754d235c792dd6c7063e6aa	I found drugs in my moms drawer—what should I do?	She's my stepmom. I'm pretty sure she's illegally buying the drugs and hiding them from my dad.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-found-drugs-in-my-moms-drawer-what-should-i-do	Substance Abuse	2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider	https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider	<p>I would suggest having a conversation with your dad and then having a conversation as a family with your stepmom.  Usually there are other signs of use that can often be missed.  Be aware of behavior changes and mood swings.  Be supportive and ready to listen often times individuals suffering from addiction will deny use until they are ready for help. </p>
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789	What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?	I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide	Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma	2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider	https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider	<p>First I am so sorry for your loss.  Most people go through the grieving process.  I would get a better understanding of what that process is.  Everyone has their own way of handling loss.  You are taking the first step in realizing that you are having a difficult time coping with it.  I would reach out to a therapist that has experience treatment patients with loss. I would also recognize that drinking and smoking are both substances that will not make depression or depressive thoughts any better.  </p>
570008d738d8448168a85d94	Is it okay if I take my friend's pills away?	My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications.	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-okay-if-i-take-my-friend-s-pills-away	Social Relationships,Substance Abuse	2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider	https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider	<p>Your friend needs to admit they have a problem.  If not no matter how many pills you take they will find a way to get more.  It is also a federal offense to take someone else's medication so if you did take it she could have you arrested.  In other instances it can be more dangerous to take medication away than slowly tapering off of them.  Like anything we put into our system our tolerance builds up and can effect us in different ways.  I would listen to her and discuss why she feels that she needs to be on the medications rather than playing bad cop in this situation.  Encourage her to get help and let her know you re there for her. </p>
566e3dd19f3a71de09b3c18e	I don't know if my ex-boyfriend is using opiates again.	My boyfriend and I recently broke up. One week, we were fine, and the next, he told me he needed space. He completely deleted me out of his life. He does have an opiate addiction. He claimed he was sober, but since we've split, I've heard many lies from him. Could he be using again, and does this addiction affect the mind?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-know-if-my-ex-boyfriend-is-using-opiates-again	Relationships,Addiction,Substance Abuse	2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider	https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider	<p>Studies have proven that addiction affects the brain, there are many coping skills that addicts use to enable their addiction as well.  I would recommend that you speak with someone abut your relationship and your concerns.  Not only so you can have more clarity in the situation but we often tend to gravitate around or toward the same types of individuals.  Being more aware of your relationship will help you in the future when re-engaging in personal relationships. </p>
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839	My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy	I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends. I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy	Relationships,Social Relationships	David Routt	https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-routt	<p>The most important thing to ask yourself here is, "how did this action affect my relationship, and is it worth the consequences?" Regardless of your intentions in this action, your boyfriend is uncomfortable with this type of behavior. From here, we can objectively decide if spending time with your previous partner (because that is likely what your boyfriend sees them as) is worth harming the relationship you currently have. It is very rare that a person would be comfortable with their partner spending more than a very little amount of time with their exes. Many times, it just gives the wrong impressions. It is very possible that your partner may believe that since you spend so much time with them, that they are still a contender for the most intimate relationship you have to offer, and truth be told, they kind of are. The best intimate relationships, are friendships first and foremost. </p><p><br></p><p>It is also a good thing to consider what you are getting out of the relationship with your ex that you are not getting out of the relationship with your current boyfriend. If you go to this person for emotional support before your boyfriend, then it is very likely you're involved in some "emotional infidelity". When we turn to others instead of our partner, it is as if we "ran into another person's arms" instead of theirs. No matter who you are, that hurts. </p>
588861ae152ba8625f400559	My family says I have depression.	I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks. Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right. Are they right, am I depressed?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-family-says-i-have-depression	Depression	Samantha Osborne	https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne	<p>Although some people managing depression feel sad or "down",  it is a possible to have depression without an obvious sad mood.  Many people indicate that they feel numb or flat.  People managing depression often have low motivation. They may stay in bed for long periods of time and only get up for absolutely necessary activities.  People with depression may also feel inappropriate guilt or shame.   If you have been experiencing the symptoms you described for more than two weeks, I recommend that you see a counselor to get a more in-depth evaluation.   The symptoms you are experiencing are typical of depression, and with a bit of support, you could regain energy and improved self-esteem.  The stigma surrounding mental health can make a diagnosis or a label of depression seem scary.  The important thing to remember is that mental health disorders are as important as and as treatable physical health disorders.    Hang in there.  Healing is possible! </p>
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb	How does someone approach a counselor?	How does a person start the counseling process?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor	Counseling Fundamentals	Samantha Osborne	https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne	<p>Approaching a counselor can seem intimidating at first, but most mental health professionals want to help you feel safe and heard.  You can often find counselors using search engines like CounselChat or Psychology Today.  These websites allow you to get to know therapists before you take the next step.  These days, counselors have websites where you can learn even more.  These websites usually have clear instructions for contact.  Typically, you can reach out via phone or email to request a consultation.  During a consultation call, you can ask the therapist questions about their credentials and areas of expertise.  If you feel like you connect, you can schedule a first session where you will tell them more about yourself and why you are seeking therapy.  The thing to remember is that therapists want you to reach out to them, and they are happy to be approached for support.  Good luck!  </p>
5773e438b9ff751f196e8df0	I'm worried about my new job.	I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-about-my-new-job	Anxiety,Career Counseling	Samantha Osborne	https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne	<p>First of all, congratulations on your new role! Transitions can be challenging, and it sounds like you are experiencing a lot of change.  This would be difficult for many people, and it seems that you have an added layer of challenge.  I recommend visiting a therapist to determine the root cause of your anxiety and working to unravel those causes piece by piece. I know seeing a therapist can be challenging when traveling, and online counseling could be a good solution. In the meantime, here are a few of my favorite anxiety stopping strategies.  1. Grounding Exercises: When you feel your anxiety increasing, take a deep breath and begin things in your room (or where ever you are) that have things in common. For example, name all of the blue things that you can see.  You can also do non-visual grounding exercises like naming all of the hte sports teams you can think of or all of the state capitals.  This will get your mind off of your anxiety and connect you to space.  2. The pretzel: This is a seated pose that will stop any anxiety attack in its tracks.  Start in a seated position and cross your dominate leg over your nondominant leg. Then, stretch your arms out in front of you with the back of your hands facing one another.  Cross your arms in front of each other so that your palms are touching.  Flip your arms into your body.  You will end with your elbows by your side and your hands crossed under your chin.  Close your eyes and take long breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.  This calming pose will help you get through even the toughest of panic episodes. 3. Bilateral stimulation and visualization: Start in a seated position with your hands placed on your knees. Tap each knee in an alternating pattern. Close your eyes and begin visualizing a peaceful setting. The combination of bilateral stimulation and visualization will help calm your body and mind.  I could go on and on, but these techniques should get you started.  These techniques should help you manage anxiety in a pinch.  Best of luck! </p>
56663d51f736762c333ec02f	I'm in high school, and I want to be a psychologist.	I just wanted to get to know one so I can hear about their college experience and the courses they took. I also wanted to know if they enjoy their job and how long they were in school.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-in-high-school-and-i-want-to-be-a-psychologist	Career Counseling,Professional Ethics	Samantha Osborne	https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne	<p>Mental Health is an exciting and rewarding field.  I hear you saying that you want to be a psychologist, and that is one path to working in mental health.  You could study psychology, social work or counseling to become a practicing therapist. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate and a Licensed Clinical Addiction Specialist.  I currently provide assessments and supervise several counselors in a large clinic in Asheville.  I also have a private practice online. I studied Sociology and Interpersonal Communication as an undergraduate, and then I received a counseling masters degree.   My master's degree was comprised of several supervised practice courses and theory courses.    I really enjoyed my education, and I find my career equally rewarding and enjoyable. If you are considering working in the field, I recommend emailing several counselors, social workers, and psychologists in your area and setting up an informational interview.  Not everyone you contact will be willing to give you their time, but many may.   This will help you determine which path to therapy may be right for you.  Licensing restrictions and abilities vary state to state and a local practitioner may be able to provide you with a specific list of challenges/triumphs about their particular license and education.    Psychologists are usually PhD level practitioners and require more education to begin.  LCSWs , LPCs and LMFTS can practice with a master's degree.  Best of luck! This is an exciting time.  </p>
55d030616ae5f72373d44189	How do I make myself happy without someone who made me happy?	How do I make myself happy without the people who made me happy? Now that they’re gone, I feel sad. It’s been two months now but I seem to be unable to stay okay and independent.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-make-myself-happy-without-someone-who-made-me-happy	Depression,Relationships	Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc	<p>Hello. So, someone made you happy but is no longer around? I am sure that feels devastating. As a counselor I usually have to ponder this kind of thought because it lends itself to suggesting that happiness comes from the external, rather than the internal side of a person's life. Happiness is formed within ourselves. All the external trappings of happiness are usually quite fleeting, and temporary. Even relationships fo not last forever. If we get to a place where we are reliant and dependent on those around us to create happiness in our lives, then we lose the opportunities for us to do it ourselves. We are entirely capable of finding ways to be happy. Sometimes this entails working out issues that are holding us back from reaching a place of peace, or resolution to a specific problem.</p><p>What I would offer to you, is to find ways in which you can develop happiness for yourself. What do you like about your life as it is right now? What can you do to create change in your life to increase your happiness? These kinds of questions can be valuable to you as you seek out ways to make happiness an internal rather than an external event. Mourning the loss of a social connection (in whatever way that occurred), is part of the grieving process, but it is not permanent. It is a path to healing and moving forward. From this, you can seek out new sources of happiness. I encourage you to remember that happiness is independent of the external experience you have in the world. Happiness is an expression of the internal feelings, so that will be the source or the font of positive emotion from which you really draw. If you are lacking in happiness, then it becomes important to examine why that is, and what you can do about it to promote self-care. Seeking out a professional counselor can also be a good option as you move through the grief/loss process and examine the reasons happiness is not in greater supply.</p><p>I wish you happiness for every day of your life.</p><p>Best wishes.</p>
55de5e9ab32c151d73cc6c5f	How do I save my marriage?	What am I doing wrong? My wife and I are fighting all the time. What can I do? We don't agree on anything and she usually jumps to conclusions, which are usually wrong on how I feel. She is very family-oriented while all of my family left me on my butt, abused, ignored and messed up with me mentally. I'm not a family-oriented person. I only have two people in my life - my best friend and my wife. My mother forced my father out of my life so I do not know who he really is. We've gotten in contact but he just makes comments on how much I look like her when in fact I look more like him. This makes me mad because I don't want to look like my mother. I hate her. All that she did was bring me down and make me homeless, which she was successful at. I need guidance in my life. I don't want to lose my wife but we need to have a space because we usually hit each other and it's not healthy. I'm dying to make our relationship healthy. I've never wanted anything more than this. Please help me. I need your advice.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-save-my-marriage	Domestic Violence,Anger Management,Self-esteem,Marriage,Family Conflict	Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc	<p>Hello. It sounds to me like you are carrying an enormous amount of emotional weight, and maybe even an equally enormous amount of guilt and feelings of failure about your marriage. I cannot imagine how challenging this is for you right now. Marriages take lots of work, and often the only examples we tend to have are of those we saw when we were young - good, bad, or indifferent. There are no easy answers to your questions, and I won't presume that my response to you will be the linch-pin that heals all your pain. But I can maybe give some thoughts and reflections. First and foremost, cut yourself some slack. No one is perfect. We fail more often than we succeed, but in the end we learn, and that learning helps us grow. Yes, you're right, the abusive aspects of your marriage are not good, and need to stop. You probably are doing more harm than good in that regard, and this will quickly destroy anything you have in your marriage that is even remotely in your favor. Seeing a therapist for yourself, and then seeing a therapist as a couple is a good approach. You have issues that you need to resolve, that, while they impact your marriage because they are part of the history of your life, they are separate from your marriage in many respects.</p><p>Joining a marriage support group can also be helpful. You can find these through local counseling resources. Sometimes your local crisis numbers can provide services in your area that can be helpful. If you belong to a religious or spiritual community, then you might see if there is any type of counseling offered for free or at a reduced rate. Sometimes pastoral support is focused on the spiritual side of any issues addressed, so if you feel this is important it might be a viable option for you.</p><p>Lastly, parents are imperfect. Yep...its true. They had no more of a guaranteed parenting success manual than you do at having chances for a perfect marriage. We limp along and do our best. Having said that, we can still take the best from our past and apply to our future, no matter how small or insignificant it might be for us. The bad stuff serves as lessons of what to avoid, and we are each responsible and accountable for our actions in this life. Both with ourselves, and toward other people. So this becomes a guiding principle in our actions. It may be that you discover that the marriage you are in is not a good fit.  I am sure that remains to be seen, but either way you both must be involved in saving it. If only one of you cares, then 100% of the energy to salvage the marriage rests on the shoulders of one person. That's not fair. So be sure you have a clear understanding from your wife about what she wants, and work to create an amicable solution. All of this said, seek out supportive friends, and actively work to do your part to make the changes you want to see in your life. One way or the other, you will benefit from it.</p><p>Be well.</p>
58d18b6498741803743bf7df	How can I cope with work related stress better?	I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better	Stress,Workplace Relationships	Jenifer Finkelstein	https://counselchat.com/therapists/jenifer-finkelstein	It sounds like you are experiencing burnout and have very little, if no job satisfaction.  There are some aspects of this that are in your control and others that are not.  What type of work do you typically enjoy?  Do you enjoy high stress work? What keeps you in this job? Is there a reason you have stayed?  Is your boss reasonable to have a conversation with?  <div>I recommend a few things.  For one, you may want to have a discussion with your boss about your job duties and see if there is a way to either eliminate some responsibilities or get higher pay.  </div><div>Another option, if you are unable to have an open conversation, you can start to look at an ideal work situation, what would you like/ be OK with/ absolutely hate about a job. Then possibly try to look for a new job that fits these qualifications. </div><div>If you are unable to leave your job, you may want to attempt to balance your work life with more activities that create joy outside of work.  Sometimes that balance can help you tolerate work more.  </div><div>I recommend that you find a supportive person to talk with and process these frustrations as burnout can lead us to do things we may regret.  </div>
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb	How does someone approach a counselor?	How does a person start the counseling process?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor	Counseling Fundamentals	David Routt	https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-routt	<p>The easiest way to start the counseling process is to do a little research online. A quick search for the type of counseling you are looking for can be helpful. There are lots of Counselors out there to choose from, so many times you will have to take it a few steps further than that. Check out their website, social media, and any reviews (but remember, people are not always very nice). If you plan on using insurance to pay for at least part of the services, look for one that is in your network. You can find out if someone is in your network by looking for providers on your insurance's website. If your coverage isn't that great and you know you're going to be paying for it all anyway (because you're an all-star and verified your coverage already with the insurance company), then you can really pick any Counselor you want, but working with one that is at least out of network will give you the benefit of having it applied to your deductible. If you have any questions about that process or just want some help in getting your benefits from the insurance company once you've started counseling, <a href="https://getbetter.co/" target="_blank">Better</a> is a good option. Once you've found a Counselor you think is a good fit for you, normally the best step to take here is to call and schedule your very first appointment. With many Counselors you can now send an email, but a phone call can normally tell you quite a bit about someone and their clinic. Once you're all scheduled, they will either get you to do some paperwork before you come in, or many times they just let you fill it out once you get there. From there, all you have to do is show up!</p>
579e400d188cd61c1684e835	Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?	I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous	Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals	David Routt	https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-routt	<p>It can be uncomfortable talking to someone about your life in the great detail that is normally necessary for counseling to be beneficial. Since you're already going to counseling, congratulations on taking that big, first, stress-inducing step. Hopefully by now you are starting to feel a little more comfortable with your therapist. It can be helpful to address this big "elephant in the room" and talk to your therapist about this. I do my best to help people feel comfortable when they come to counseling, but regardless of how hard we try, sometimes it is just a little hard to get accustomed to. The good news is, the more you keep at it, the more "normal" it will become. </p>
588861ae152ba8625f400559	My family says I have depression.	I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks. Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right. Are they right, am I depressed?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-family-says-i-have-depression	Depression	Vikas Keshri	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vikas-keshri	<p>I would not focus on what other people say. Do you feel what you have described impacts your day to day functioning? Try to evaluate how is your self esteem, motivation and self confidence. How about negative thoughts or hopelessness? Any concerns about your grades sliding down? If you answered yes to any questions, may be its time to see a counsellor.</p>
57a17b19188cd61c1684e860	Why can't I stop these thoughts?	I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-stop-these-thoughts	Diagnosis	Vikas Keshri	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vikas-keshri	<p>Life is beautiful without unwanted thoughts and stress. With proper strategies and tools it is possible to regain control over your thoughts. I guess you are just having "thoughts" and not actually "hearing voices"? My suggestion is to see a therapist and go from there.</p>
579d62d3188cd61c1684e827	How can I make the voices stop?	I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little. I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop. They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-the-voices-stop	Anxiety	Vikas Keshri	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vikas-keshri	<p>You are right. It is not normal to hear voices that aren't your own but the fact is some people do. In my experience, medication seem to help. It is also important to understand when you hear voices the most - meaning it is important to understand what the triggers are. It is also important to understand when the voices are the least - meaning what helps you deal with the voices better. My clients have reported that their triggers are being in social gathering or around strangers or for some even the TV. Trying to identify your triggers is helpful for some people. Clients have also reported that listening to music, watching TV, being with friend or family helps them deal with their voices. Every individual is different and you need to figure out what works for you and what triggers your voices. My suggestion is to see a therapist / health care provider and then go from there.</p><p>I hope this helps.  </p>
579da45c188cd61c1684e82e	How can I help myself and change my behavior?	I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young. I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why, I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it. How can I help myself to change my behavior?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-myself-and-change-my-behavior	Behavioral Change,Anxiety	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Give yourself a lot of empathy and care for having had a rough childhood and realizing that life can be better than how you were treated when growing up.</p><p>Be patient with yourself too bc lasting change takes time.</p><p> Alternatives to hitting your head require constant gentle reminders to do these new behaviors, or if you've discovered a satisfying alternative in one moment, time is required for you to repeat this alternative until it feels natural.<br></p><p>Anxiety usually means someone did not feel well understood growing up and was rushed to comply with the wishes of others who were a regular part of their lives.</p><p>Anxiety lessens as the person starts to know and accept their wishes and needs as valid.  Allow yourself to learn who you truly are in the spirit of accepting whatever you discover about yourself.</p><p>The behaviors will naturally change with your new understanding and self acceptance.</p><p>Good luck and enjoy this self discovery project!</p>
581d5e5c950e2507cf23dbe9	How do I get over a person I fell in love with?	I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people. How can I get myself to just move on?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-a-person-i-fell-in-love-with	Relationship Dissolution ,Intimacy	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Love is a deep and nuanced feeling so start to accept that a simple cutting of emotional connection isn't possible.</p><p>Honor the love you felt for this person.  Acknowledgement of your love feelings will most likely help you find a dignified way to accept them while at the same time slowly developing new ways to live your life in a way which does not include the actual person.</p><p>Your feelings will always belong to you.  The newly discovered sense of how love feels will be with you and positively influence all your relationships.  There is a benefit to feeling loved even if it is not forever in this lifetime.</p><p>Also, your partner opened your feelings, the feelings which showed in fact already were within you.  He opened the door and this door belongs to you.</p><p>I hope you will find ways to appreciate having been loved and to be open that your feelings of being loved are a positive influence in all your relationships.</p>
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8	How does counseling end?	How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end	Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals	Anna McElearney	https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney	For a therapist, deciding to end counseling sessions or terminate working with a client is a thoughtful and intentional decision. One that is not entered into lightly. <div><br></div><div>While there are many considerations counselors take into account, to help answer this question, I'll offer an example of two areas that counselor's take into consideration when ending counseling sessions:<ul><li>Does the client need different or more specialized care than the current counselor can provide? This requires the counselor to determine whether referring the client to another therapist or health care provider is needed.</li><li>And, has the therapeutic relationship reached treatment goal(s)? </li></ul><p>While this question is specific to the counselor, I'd like to also add that <span style="font-weight: bold;">a client, at any time, can end counseling.</span></p></div>
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb	How does someone approach a counselor?	How does a person start the counseling process?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor	Counseling Fundamentals	Anna McElearney	https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney	<p>Starting the counseling process can be daunting but here are some ways that hopefully help make the process a little less overwhelming. </p><p>First,</p><ul><li>I'd start with finding a therapist through a therapist directory and searching for a therapist specifically in your area and with the expertise you're looking for. There are many reputable therapist directories online that offer specific information and links to therapist websites to learn more about how they can help.</li></ul><p>Next, </p><ul><li>I'd pick two or three of interest to contact directly. Have a list of questions that are important to you that you can ask to determine whether a particular therapist is a good fit. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation to allow you both to determine whether it is a good fit.</li><li>Then, after you schedule, the next step is to see what it's like being in session to determine if the fit is still a match. </li></ul>
57a15afd188cd61c1684e85e	I want to feel more comfortable around people.	My son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and I stopped working so that I could take care of him. I also was dealing with an abusive relationship (mentally, physically, and emotionally). Now I live like a recluse and I always feel nervous around people. How can I feel more comfortable around other people?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-feel-more-comfortable-around-people	Parenting,Relationships,Anxiety	Jenifer Finkelstein	https://counselchat.com/therapists/jenifer-finkelstein	<p>It sounds like you have taken on a caretaker role for a while as well as experienced some pretty severe interpersonal trauma.  It makes sense that you would feel nervous around people.  Working through the trauma of an abusive relationship in itself can be a difficult process.  And then to add on the caretaker part can make things even more difficult.  </p><p>First off, you may want to seek support to work through what you have experienced.  Many cities offer support with survivors of domestic violence and there is a hotline to help with this 888-724-7240 as well as online resources.  Processing the isolation of this relationship as well as working with your son can help to overcome the anxiety related to others.  Accessing autism support networks may be of support as well.  Other parents that will understand your experiences are a good and tend to be safer place to start in attempting to connect to others.</p><p>Very importantly, go slow and be kind to yourself as you begin to adapt to a new life of allowing others to care for you as you so clearly have for others.</p>
579d62d3188cd61c1684e827	How can I make the voices stop?	I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little. I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop. They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-the-voices-stop	Anxiety	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>How is your life going overall?</p><p>Since you hear voices since you were young I wonder whether you mean the thoughts each of us has about what to do, our opinions, including self-criticism and praise.</p><p>I try to understand how severe a problem these voices are if you've managed to get to a point in life of awareness about the voices.</p><p>Usually when mental health people hear about voices the immediate thought is you need drugs bc you are psychotic.</p><p>Since this is going on for a number of years, I wonder if the problem is something different.</p>
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839	My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy	I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends. I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy	Relationships,Social Relationships	Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc	<p>Hello. There are a number of factors playing into this situation. A former romantic partner coming back onto the scene during a current relationship; you spending alone time (and spending the night) with that former partner; and the uneasy feelings experienced by your current partner (boyfriend). Now those are the ones you have openly expressed. There are very likely other issues that prompted this behavior on your part. You ask if you were wrong. It is not a question I will be able to answer, because it is not one I am meant to answer. It is up to you to find that truth. Now, if you are feeling guilty, was it because of some sexual engagement occurred when you spent the night? If so, you might want to look at why that happened. Do you feel secure in your current relationship? Is this the relationship you want, or do you want to be with the former boyfriend?</p><p>Important questions, but ones you need to ask and answer. Odds are, there is something that triggered this event to occur and it becomes a focal point in discovering any unexplored discomfort or other issues with your current boyfriend. Seeking relationship counseling can be effective in sorting this out, so be open to that possibility to help you clarify your thoughts and feelings.</p><p>Best of luck to you.</p>
5835e5b5950e2507cf23dc6a	I don't know how to communicate with my adult daughter.	There is just no communication at all between us. She sleeps constantly all day (not at night). She acts angry and unfocused and stays in her very messy room all the time. The only time she comes out is to eat. She has aches and fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and skin problems. She does not look after her health. I don't know how to communicate with her. She is not open to any suggestions. How do I get through to her?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-know-how-to-communicate-with-my-adult-daughter	Family Conflict,Relationships,Parenting	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>I'm sorry for what sounds like a frustrating situation.</p><p>For how long has your daughter lived the way you describe and did it start all of a sudden or more gradually come on?</p><p>What you write sounds like a major depressive disorder and this can start for a variety of reasons and improve in just as many different ways.</p><p>Start with how you are feeling about the situation.  </p><p>Ask yourself for how long you will be able to tolerate the way your daughter lives and if you feel any satisfaction in your mother daughter relationship.</p><p>If she is of legal age, and you don't want her to live with you,  you've tried convincing her to get medical care for its own sake and to more clearly see her emotional and psychological health, and she is unwilling to take care of herself, you can discuss your options with the adult protective services agency in your state.</p><p>The first step is to know what exactly is her problem so you can decide if its own you are willing to take care of or not.</p>
58577397950e2507cf23ddad	Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?	I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-for-me-to-be-attracted-to-my-girlfriend	Intimacy,Relationships	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>You wrote that each of you is under the age of 18.   A 15 year old cannot be a pedophile because you're not an adult.</p><p>Also, if you mean "girlfriend" in a romantic way then this makes sense bc romantic relationships include physical attraction to the other person.</p>
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb	How does someone approach a counselor?	How does a person start the counseling process?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor	Counseling Fundamentals	Sally High	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sally-high-2	<p>I always suggest that you find the right fit. You have every right to interview the therapist and ask as many questions as you need. It is our job as a therapist to explain our approach and philosophy. This gives you a good overview of the therapist. Just call and say that you would like to talk to the therapist. Say your interested in the services but unclear about how the process works. From there a seasoned therapist should be proficient in helping to guide you through the process with ease and comfort. </p><p><a href="www.lifecounselingorlando.com">www.lifecounselingorlando.com</a></p>
579eb688188cd61c1684e83c	My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do.	I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do	Family Conflict,Parenting	Sally High	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sally-high-2	<p>Unfortunately you seem to have yourself in a double bind. By living with your mom she is not going to stop her attempts at what you perceive as "controlling". There is no use in trying to debate or get her to "see your point". As long as your there and you personalize her attempts at control, then you will find yourself frustrated and resentful. Try to find an extra job or a roommate so that you can do the natural process of moving on out.</p><p><a href="www.lifecounselingorlando.com">www.lifecounselingorlando.com</a></p>
579aae85188cd61c1684e80c	I just feel so alone.	I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand. They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all. Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-feel-so-alone	Relationships,Social Relationships	Sally High	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sally-high-2	<p>We feel alone because we are not comfortable with being our self. When you find that nobody is around do you feel alone? Your never alone. Once you take the journey to really understand who you are and unconditionally loving all that is you, there will never be an alone moment. </p><p>We seek outside of self to fill inside. This is the big lie of the planet. All you need and have ever needed you supply yourself. </p><p><a href="www.lifecounselingorlando.com">www.lifecounselingorlando.com</a></p>
579d7cbc188cd61c1684e82c	How can I be less dependent on my boyfriend?	My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. I've been really sad lately and for the past few months I've realized I'm just way too dependent on him. It makes me really upset to be so dependent on someone else, but I can't help it. I don't even know who I am without him. How can I be less dependent on my him?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-dependent-on-my-boyfriend	Relationships	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>From what you write you've got good motivation to change and awareness as to what you'd like to change. </p><p>These are very good predictors that you'll be successful in what you'd like to change.</p><p>Try, the next time you realize you're depending on your bf instead of friends, yourself, to interrupt whatever typical action you'd take.</p><p>Do something different instead!</p><p>If when you'd like advice and usually ask your bf, ask a different trusted someone.</p><p>Or, when you feel lonely, contact a friend or introspect on your own if usually you'd contact your bf.</p><p><br></p><p>Also, being dependent on a bf is part of a trusting intimate relationship.   Dependency in the sense that you each are reliably available to each other, is a good quality.</p><p>Only if it seems excessive, such as you're isolating yourself from other close friendships, is dependency on a partner, a problem.</p>
579bab40188cd61c1684e811	Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?	My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once	Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Definitely yes, it is possible for a couple to trust each other again and become close with each other.</p><p>Since your trust was broken, your fiancé would need to earn back your belief that he is faithful to you.</p><p>Do you feel he empathizes with how you felt to find out about his cheating?</p><p>Before you have this question answered, based on what you write there is a sense of your own doubt as to whether you are with the right partner.</p><p>Before you and he address regaining your trust, first decide if you'd like to work on this.</p><p>Ask yourself if the sexual attention he felt he wasn't getting from you was bc you're not as interested in him as you imagine or once felt in the past.</p><p>If each of you sincerely wants to be together, it is possible to talk about your respective needs and help the other person feel safe again with the other.</p>
579cafb8188cd61c1684e81d	Can i learn to be happy alone?	I'm dealing with an illness that will never go away and I feel like my life will never change for the better. I feel alone and that i have no one. How can I overcome this pain and learn to be happy alone?	https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-learn-to-be-happy-alone	Depression,Social Relationships	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Is it possible that even though your illness is chronic, that it goes through phases in which you are more comfortable and that it requires less focus from you than at other times?</p><p>I think the idea of having a lifelong illness is frustrating and can be depressing to think about.  </p><p>Thoughts are not necessarily the truth of what will actually happen though.</p><p>Illness makes negative situations look worse so be sure you are concentrating on specific areas of your life and not just assuming they will work out badly because you are ill.</p><p>One way to be happy alone is to love and appreciate, nurture and be kind to yourself.</p><p>This frame of mind may generate new answers to find ways of being among other people too.</p>
58c61c9298741803743bf6ca	What happens in a counseling session?	After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-happens-in-a-counseling-session	Counseling Fundamentals	Allison Velez	https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez	<p>Each counselor may have a different process, so I'm not the end all authority here.  For myself, I review policies and confidentiality concerns with people first and answer any questions they have. </p><p>Then I'll let them know I'll be writing a lot in this session and I have an assessment form that I like to get completed, but I want to have a conversation and I'll ask questions as we go.  My first question is usually, "How do you feel I can best help you today?"  Some people are very at ease and tell me many details.  Others are a bit more reserved and I have to demonstrate more curiosity.  </p><p>Even people who have been very apprehensive are usually feeling very relaxed by the time the session is over.  Usually, when we get close to end of session time, I'll summarize what I think are the biggest concerns from what I've heard and confirm whether or not the person wants to work on those things.  I also try to give an exercise targetting my biggest concern for them to work on in between sessions.  For instance, a relaxation method if they are very anxious.  </p><p>Counselors are just humans as well, so it does take a bit of time to really get to know another person.  I always tell people that are apprehensive to give the counselor 3 or 4 sessions to determine if they really connect with them.  </p><p>I hope that helps, </p><p>Allison </p>
5796b7bfbc069dff6a5339d0	Overcoming fears.	I have a fear of something and I want to face that fear to overcome it, but I don't know how. What can I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/overcoming-fears	Anxiety,Behavioral Change	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Your fear may have deeper roots within your sense of who you are, than you realize.   Fears are sometimes irrational so that logic doesn't get rid of them.</p><p>Think about whether you felt secure and confident as a child.  Also, did any major bad events happen to you with other people or situations when you were growing up?</p><p>Often these overwhelming situations of childhood stay with us as fears of situations in our adult lives.  If the root of the problem w the fear is from long ago, then probably a therapist who can ask you questions which help you remember upsetting childhood circumstances, may help you to dissolve the current fear.</p><p><br></p><p>Another possibility is CBT, cognitive behavior therapy which teaches people short term mantras to do something which is safe, say being a passenger in a commercial airplane, which feels frightening to a person.</p><p>CBT is short term and results are limited to specific fears.  </p><p>It is a much quicker approach than self-understanding.</p><p><br></p>
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839	My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy	I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends. I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy	Relationships,Social Relationships	Allison Velez	https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez	<p>While you can't be responsible for your boyfriend's feelings, relationships do come with expectations.  </p><p>Both people in a relationship bring their own expectations into it.  These expectations are usually unspoken, but result in conflict as you are experiencing here!  Your boyfriend expects you not to spend the weekend with this guy.  He may expect you not to spend the weekend with any guy at all.  He may expect you to spend every single weekend with him!  </p><p>You'll have to decide if his expectations are ones you can live with.  Relationships do require some compromise out of concern for our partner, but you get to choose how much you compromise. </p><p>We get upset about things that make us feel insecure.  You spending the weekend with an ex makes your boyfriend feel insecure.  That doesn't mean you did anything wrong.  It just means that you have to decide if it's more important for you to maintain your freedom to spend weekends with whomever you wish, or to help your boyfriend feel secure in your relationship. </p><p>Good luck!  Hope that helps,</p><p>Allison </p>
57799c9772f4321a37b64221	Is it normal to cry during therapy?	I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-cry-during-therapy	Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals	Allison Velez	https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez	<p>Lots of people do cry in session, but your therapist won't be uneasy with this.  Crying is a natural response and it also releases toxins, so some might say it's necessary!  Remember that you can be in charge of what you talk about in your session and if there's something that feels too uncomfortable, just say, "I'm not ready to talk about that."  Your counselor wants  you to feel at ease and will probably not push you right away to a very uncomfortable place.  As you get to know your therapist, you will feel more relaxed and even not worry so much about how you appear to them.  </p><p>It's normal to be anxious going into a new situation especially when you might not feel in control of uncomfortable emotions.  Don't give up, go and put your best effort in! </p><p>Hope that helps, </p><p>Allison </p>
579ed169188cd61c1684e83e	How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?	I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress	Human Sexuality,LGBTQ,Intimacy	Allison Velez	https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez	<p>While this might not be the first thing you want to discuss when you meet someone, it is important for you to be yourself.  It's better to weed out 10 people who can't accept you to find that one who can.  </p>
587d14b8152ba8625f40048a	How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?	My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past	Relationships,Intimacy,Spirituality	Allison Velez	https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez	<p>You are right that his insecurities are at the root of the issue.  You cannot change that for him.  He will have to do the work to handle those emotions on his own.  </p><p>What you can do is reassure him in whatever ways possible, but always recognizing that you can't "fix" this for him.  </p><p>When I work with people who struggle with their partner's past experiences, I always frame it like this:  Everything that you've experienced has resulted in you being the person you are today.  The person they claim to love.  If you had not gone through some of those experiences, you would not be in the position you're in now, ready to commit to him and know that you're satisfied with that.  </p><p>Just as when bad things happen to us, we have to find a way to appreciate the lessons learned your fiance has to accept that you're the person you are today because of what you have gone through.  Celebrate that you have moved through that and have landed in this perfect position with him!</p><p>Hope that helps, </p><p>Allison </p>
57980934b43cd7825e26e253	How do I move on?	I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-move-on-2	Relationship Dissolution	Allison Velez	https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez	Initially, everything is a reminder because there is a trace of that other person present in everything in your life. <div><div><br></div></div><div>When we lose someone, we're saying goodbye to what we thought our future was going to be.  Accepting that's changed and allowing ourselves to envision a new future is necessary to "move on". </div><div><br></div><div>Start learning something new or try a new activity that you've always wanted to do.  Find whatever is "good" about being out of the relationship and focus on those things.  This can be an exciting time of transformation for you.   As time goes by, you'll add new things in your life that aren't entwined with this relationship and those things will begin to crowd out those things associated with the relationship.  </div><div><br></div><div>Give yourself a little empathy, no one goes through a breakup without being sad.  It's ok to be sad.  It's even ok to feel devastated.  Loss of a relationship touches a primal need we have to belong.  It makes us feel insecure, unanchored.  In truth, we are ok, safe even.  This experience will open different perspectives for you.  There are lessons you'll take from it that will add another facet to you as a person.  Maybe in time, you'll even appreciate this experience.  </div><div><br></div><div>I'm sorry you're hurting right now.  Best wishes to you, </div><div>Allison </div>
5799501eb43cd7825e26e297	PTSD is impacting my whole life.	I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back?	https://counselchat.com/questions/ptsd-is-impacting-my-whole-life	Trauma	Manya Khoddami	https://counselchat.com/therapists/manya-khoddami	<p>It is brave of you to speak out, PTSD is not a joke and it can quickly take a toll on all aspect of life. Please, know that you are not alone and with the right help you can overcome these challenges. </p><p>Living with PTSD can be very emotionally exhausting, but you can learn ways to cope with its challenges and find fulfillment in your life again. This means being proactively involved with the process, learning about the problem and positive ways to manage it can be a good start. This can also mean seeking professional help. It is important to address the problem both at the physiological and psychological level, this can mean using medication that is prescribed by a MD to reduce the intensity symptoms and also working with an experienced licensed professional. Having healthy life habits such as good sleep hygiene, healthy diet, staying away from self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, and exercising can help reduce the intensity of the symptoms as well. Please, consult with a licensed professional close to you to get more information on resources you can possibly find helpful to you. </p>
58c9c85398741803743bf6e9	My daughter isn't acting her age.	My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is. Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-isn-t-acting-her-age	Parenting,Children & Adolescents	Manya Khoddami	https://counselchat.com/therapists/manya-khoddami	This is certainly an important issue to look into, It is always helpful to speak with the child's pediatrician since they are most familiar with the child's developmental history. Also, children tend to regress behaviorally when facing events and interactions they feel to have no control over, this can be as simple as a loss of a pet, a recent move, death in the family,  and/or as serious as sexual abuse, and other things. If you have not spoken to the school that can be a good starting point.
57a17b19188cd61c1684e860	Why can't I stop these thoughts?	I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-stop-these-thoughts	Diagnosis	Manya Khoddami	https://counselchat.com/therapists/manya-khoddami	Talking to a licensed profession who can discuss this in greater depth can be best. <div>As a general information, in short, I can say that our thoughts are greatly influenced by our early life experiences. Our thoughts are processed through schemes, these are mental images or templates by which we make meaning of the world around us.  While our upbringing has a great influence on the way we see and interact with the world around us as adults, However, we are not condemned to abide by them for life, in psychotherapy, you learn to change negative schemas with positive ones. Yeah, if you had less than optimal childhood you would have some sort of negative schemas that unconsciously lead to self-sabotage your efforts for success and happiness. The research in the field of interpersonal neurobiology suggests that without conscious awareness and reflective practices we tend to interact with the world by repeating old habits of mind. On the other hand, in psychotherapy you can learn helpful strategies to increase your conscious abilities to stay in control of your mind in the present moment and reduce intrusions of negative mind habits. </div><div>Yoga, meditation, and tai chi are also found to increase self-awareness and lessen the intrusions of negative self-judgment on one's psyche.</div><div><br></div><div> </div><div><div><br></div></div>
5773e438b9ff751f196e8df0	I'm worried about my new job.	I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-about-my-new-job	Anxiety,Career Counseling	Manya Khoddami	https://counselchat.com/therapists/manya-khoddami	<p>Bravo, on your success in securing a job and also for being proactive with your need. Starting a new job can be scary and having to travel away from your home and family can make it even more anxiety provoking. </p><p>Do allow yourself to be anxious about this new journey, we can be hard on ourselves, think if it was a friend that was turning to you for help, what solutions would you have offered them, but also continue to seek to secure right support as well. Talking to your physician is always a good place to start; your physician can tell you if there are organic influences causing your anxiety that may be out of your control. Additionally, talking to close or compassionate family and friends is always good. It is important that you turn to supportive people at the time of emotional need, talking about our challenges can help break the cycle of anxiety at least momentarily. </p><p>Remember, to further your success, it requires a healthy self, if you have supportive relationships relying on and turning to people who can be there without judgment is great. Healthy lifestyle like eating right, sleeping enough, and regular exercise also never fails to help improve overall emotional health. </p><p>Additional self-care measures such as repeated relaxation practices can help you become more familiar with your nervous systems reactivity and you can implement strategies to ease anxiety in various situations as it demands. The more resources the better you will be equipped to manage challenges and concerns at the time notice.  You can find a lot from the internet too, use your best judgment as what may not be appropriate for you there are some wonderful apps on most smartphones that can help you learn and practice grounding strategies to ease anxiety. </p><p>If you have access to a therapy you find more specific strategies that would best fit your needs. Good luck, wish you a happy journey and much success.</p>
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb	How does someone approach a counselor?	How does a person start the counseling process?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor	Counseling Fundamentals	Julie Desjardins	https://counselchat.com/therapists/julie-desjardins	<p>First, identify the areas that you need help with. What are the issues that are most troubling you? Are these situations creating an impact on your daily routine?</p><p>Second, do some research as to the type of counselling service you are looking and that would best suit your needs. Are you looking for individual sesssions, couples/family sessions, etc. And research potential therapists in your area that focus their counselling approach on your therapeutic needs. </p><p>Third, contact the therapist (most don't answer the phones, so leave a message or send an email). Don't be affraid to ask questions. You want to make sure that this professional is a good "match" for you and will work with you at working toward your therapeutic goals (the things you want to address/work on during the sessions).</p><p>Fourth, have the expectation that, depending on the issues, you will need multiple sessions/appointments with the therapist to really address the issues and work toward your therapeutic goals.</p><p>It takes strength and courage to reach out for help, but I know you can reach your goals. It takes time, patience, and practice do really address your needs. </p><p>Good luck!</p>
579c4f94188cd61c1684e819	Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?	I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it?	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-get-an-erection-with-my-girlfriend	Human Sexuality,Intimacy	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>I'm sorry to hear of your problem.</p><p>First step as always when a possible medical explanation exists, go for a urology check up to either your internist or a urologist.</p><p>Once you know there is no medical reason which would prevent an erection, then we can consider the psychological and emotion based factors.</p><p>Maybe you're nervous about your sexual performance or that your gf may be disappointed in your performance.</p><p>Men often mistake their own fears of performance failure with the assumption that their partner thinks about sex as a performance.</p><p>Talk with your gf about whatever is on your mind which may inhibit you from enjoying sex.</p><p>The reasons are endless.</p><p>What matters is to have a heartfelt dialogue with each other.</p><p>The emotional support which comes through such an intimate conversation may very well be the catalyst for a more relaxed and satisfying approach to sex w your gf.</p>
579c2689188cd61c1684e817	How can I deal with my depression?	I know I need to deal with my depression. But I don't know how and I don't want to tell anyone. How can I deal with depression without telling anyone?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-my-depression-2	Depression	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Love yourself more and treat yourself kindly, with empathy and compassion.</p><p>Usually when people feel depressed they also feel lonely and isolated.  Since at this time you wouldn't want to tell anyone about the way you feel, which includes the possibility that a few of the ones whom you tell would offer you emotional support, give this to yourself.</p><p>Also consider to make a goal of eventually telling someone whom you are reasonably sure would understand and empathize, about your depression.</p><p>This will help alleviate the sense of shame, unworthiness and pervasive guilt which often comes along with depression.</p><p>Sending you good luck!</p>
579b8756188cd61c1684e80f	How can I help my girlfriend?	My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-girlfriend	Relationships,Substance Abuse,Depression	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>People often have very different values and opinions when they are drinking excessively and when they stop drinking so much.</p><p>Did the two of you share drinking as an activity?  If yes, then did you stop drinking too?</p><p>Often when partners meet each other as drinking buddies when one gets sober, the relationship ends.  Once the terms of any relationship changes, one possibility is that it dissolves.</p><p>The best way to go is to start the conversation of what you genuinely want.  This is the only way she'll really know your thoughts.</p><p>Ask her to give serious consideration and discussion over at least a few weeks or months, to moving away from you.  This is a fair request since you are in a relationship.</p><p>If she's changed so much by giving up drinking, which is possible, that she no longer wants to be in relationship to you, then you are better off being without a drinking gf, even if the truth she delivers is a hurtful one.</p><p><br></p>
579eb688188cd61c1684e83c	My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do.	I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do	Family Conflict,Parenting	Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc	Hello. Even though legally you are an adult, it is a matter of courtesy to respect the homes of your parents. As long as you live there, you should be considerate of their needs. At the same time, there should be conversation about what each of you considers appropriate as it pertains to communication between a parent and an adult (even though you are still her offspring). This will require openness, honesty, and a willingness to give from both sides in a respectful way. Healthy boundaries can be established and honored when each is willing to do their part in this new relationship. Your mother knows you are an adult, but has not had as many years of treating you like one. So mentally and emotionally this will take some time for her to adapt. Share your concerns with her, and see if you can come up with a set of rules that you both can honor. It will be a great stepping stone for both of you as you move into this new chapter together as you begin relating a little differently.<div><br></div><div>Reach out for help to a counselor if needed. You don't have to sort this out on your own. And lastly, take good care of yourself in the process. You are moving through some exciting times in your life. The more you can have support as you explore new events, the better you might feel less stressed.</div><div><br></div><div>Warm regards.</div>
579a83eeb43cd7825e26e2ba	How to get over somebody?	Our relationship ended about 7 years ago, but don't know how to let go. How can I get over that person and move on?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-to-get-over-somebody	Relationship Dissolution	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>What you're most likely trying to get over is to be attracted to the qualities which you felt attracted to in the person.</p><p>The problem isn't releasing yourself from the person, per se.   Letting go of a person means separating yourself from the qualities in a partner which you value.</p><p>Two possibilities exist.</p><p>Either you continue to feel strongly that the qualities in the past relationship are still meaningful and you'd like to base your next relationship on these qualities.</p><p>Or, the person had qualities which are no longer relevant or necessary in your life and this is the reason the relationship ended.</p><p>It is possible that even if you had an adequate exposure to certain qualities in someone that you simply miss the companionship of a relationship.</p><p>See if you can figure out whether you need the qualities this person gave you or whether you simply like being part of a couple.</p><p>If you like the particular qualities of your previous parter and these are still relevant to your life, you'll attract a partner who has similar qualities.</p><p>Basically people attract what they need.</p><p>The more open you are to attracting what you need in a partner, the more likely your next partner will have these qualities.</p><p>In this way, you'll get over the particular person and still have the satisfaction to be in a relationship. <br></p>
57996eb0b43cd7825e26e29d	I want to have a threesome with my husband and another girl, but I feel really nervous.	My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me. He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-have-a-threesome-with-my-husband-and-another-girl-but-i-feel-really-nervous	Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Relationships	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Because the acrobatics and excitement of sex has nothing to do with the meaning of deeper emotional attachment to another person with whom we are in a relationship.</p><p>Try to distinguish between your feelings of excitement from the novel sexual arrangement and what you feel is necessary in order to feel emotionally close and attached to your husband.</p>
5799501eb43cd7825e26e297	PTSD is impacting my whole life.	I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back?	https://counselchat.com/questions/ptsd-is-impacting-my-whole-life	Trauma	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Slowly is the rate at which you'll get back your life.</p><p>Being traumatized means not feeling safe in almost all areas of life.</p><p>Be patient with yourself as you try to regain trust that people will not harm you and will be sources of satisfaction in your life.</p><p>It is possible that the trauma in your life requires such great attention on your part to your own inner emotional safety that you are better off with a less intensive job than the one you recently lost.</p><p>Try to prioritize restoring your emotional and psychological health.  With this as the top area of your attention then you may have an easier time to accept a lesser degree of involvement in your work and relationships.</p><p>When you feel angry, try to examine if underlying the anger are feelings of stress, fear, insecurity regarding your position in relationship to the person toward whom you feel angry.   Anger is often the surface reaction to more destabilizing emotions like fear and insecurity.</p><p>Gradually by nurturing and comforting yourself, living at a pace which is uniquely comfortable to what and how much you can handle, you'll regain your trust in both yourself and relating to others.</p>
58c61c9298741803743bf6ca	What happens in a counseling session?	After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-happens-in-a-counseling-session	Counseling Fundamentals	Victoria Haag	https://counselchat.com/therapists/victoria-haag	There are probably no two therapists alike because first and foremost we are human beings!<br>And...our personalities may somewhat guide how we go about getting to know you, identifying what you would like to be different in your life and developing a plan to get where you would like to be. The very most important thing that will determine a successful outcome is the healthy therapeutic relationship between you and your therapist.  If you don't feel safe, comfortable and ready to work together, then it is likely not a good fit. <br>And that's OK...speak up and the therapist should assist you in finding someone you can readily work with.<br>
588861ae152ba8625f400559	My family says I have depression.	I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks. Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right. Are they right, am I depressed?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-family-says-i-have-depression	Depression	Victoria Haag	https://counselchat.com/therapists/victoria-haag	<p>If we were in my office together, I would offer that most likely you are feeling somewhat depressed. It's most important for me to impress that you "don't have to live like this..."  Other helpful information: Have you experienced similar symptoms before?  Anyone in  your family been depressed before?  Based on other physiological signs, like quality of sleep, appetite, energy/motivation, I would present you with some treatment options, one of which would be to consult with a medication management provider to assess your symptoms and provide additional information for you to consider.<br></p>
581d5e5c950e2507cf23dbe9	How do I get over a person I fell in love with?	I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people. How can I get myself to just move on?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-a-person-i-fell-in-love-with	Relationship Dissolution ,Intimacy	Sally high	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sally-high-3	<p>There is no wrong or right way to define a relationship. I believe each <a href="http://www.lifecounselingorlando.com/marriage-Counseling-Orlando/">relationship</a> we are in is an opportunity to expand and to know self on a deeper level. We are conditioned to believe that we are not valued, or worth much without the confirmation of others and the world around us. </p><p>Give yourself time and try to not go to those who are toxic and enjoy the drama of others lives as s way to avoid looking at themselves. </p>
57990e44b43cd7825e26e27d	How do I tell one parent I want to live with the other one?	I want to live with my mom. My dad gets angry and makes me feel like everything is my fault. I still talk to my mom although My dad tells me that I'm no allowed to. I'm scared I will make the wrong decision and that my dad will hate me. How do I tell him that I want to live with my mom?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-one-parent-i-want-to-live-with-the-other-one	Family Conflict,Parenting	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Yes, from what you wrote, your dad doesn't accept responsibility for the way he feels and blames you for his feelings.</p><p>I'm glad you recognize he's handling himself less as a grown person and more like a young child.</p><p>I also understand your hurt and frustration that your father handles himself in a way which shows for now that he is unwilling to respect your wishes.</p><p>Your decision is not surprising since most people wouldn't want to live with a parent who shows little interest to respect their kids' decisions.</p><p>In terms of how to tell him your choice, do this in simple and most basic information terms.   "I've decided for now to live w mom".</p><p>I suggest to not offer reasons to him bc he doesn't seem interested in hearing them.   Giving him reasons would likely trigger him to rebut them.</p><p>If he asks questions, answer them as simply as possible.</p><p>If and when you feel he is more willing to understand and know you, then you'd feel more free to have genuine dialogue with him.</p><p>Right now he doesn't seem very ready to handle this.</p>
579822ccb43cd7825e26e257	I don't know how to deal with my boyfriend's father.	We rent from from my boyfriend's parents. His father drops by unannounced and stays for long periods of time. He lets himself into our home when we aren't there on a daily basis and takes our dogs to his house. He picks up our mail. He has NO boundaries. He's an opinionated, rude pushy person. He expects to spend every weekend around us, gives unsolicited advice on child rearing and does not respect our privacy at all. He barges in with no warning. He has a key and lets himself into our house without asking permission. I need help. How do I address this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-know-how-to-deal-with-my-boyfriend-s-father	Family Conflict,Relationships	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>You're expecting reasonable behaviors from your boyfriend's father.</p><p>Since the father is his, your boyfriend is the person in position to speak directly with his dad about the expectations you and he have of the father.</p><p>If your boyfriend has a good relationship w his dad, which is not what this sounds like, then great!</p><p>If your boyfriend has a stressed and tense relationship w his dad, then somehow he needs to develop or be coached and encouraged by the people in his life who truly care about and know him, a way to state the very reasonable standards you describe here.</p><p>If all else fails, then a new living space is always another possibility! </p>
5798106db43cd7825e26e255	What can I do about my dad?	My dad makes me feel like shit and like I'm worthless. He calls me names and makes me feel depressed. I want to move out because I swear if I stay here, I'm going to lose it. What can I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-dad-2	Family Conflict,Parenting	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>If you're actually able to afford to move out and support your own life, then this is a reasonable choice.</p><p>If you're not in such a position and must continue for a while to live w your dad, then emotionally protect yourself from him.</p><p>Doing so is much more difficult than maybe it sounds.</p><p>Do you have privacy in your house and can you spend more time in a self-created safe space than around your dad?</p><p>Also, limit the amount of dialogue you have with him so you don't offer him a chance to feel invited to criticize you.</p><p>Are there other people who live in the household w you and dad?</p><p>If yes, then are they similarly called names or are you singled out by him? </p><p>What do the other family members do when they hear your dad calling you names?</p><p>Is it possible the other family members don't realize how hurt and upset you are by your dad's behavior?</p><p>If yes, then make a project for yourself to tell the other family members that you suffer from your dad's name calling.</p><p>It is possible the other family members will step in and tell your dad to stop.</p><p>Not necessarily that he will stop.  Knowing the others support you emotionally and find you credible is helpful on its own.</p>
5773e438b9ff751f196e8df0	I'm worried about my new job.	I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-about-my-new-job	Anxiety,Career Counseling	Elaine Alyson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/elaine-alyson	<p>Anxiety or panic attacks can be very frightening.  Here are a few "tools" you can use that will help in the short term:  Keeping your mind occupied by listening to books on tape may help;  Counting backwards from 100 in 7's; Naming cities that begin with each letter of the alphabet; Keeping some ice or an ice pack in a cooler beside you, which you may take out and hold in your hand or to your face; Soothing self-talk such as "This is uncomfortable, but I can handle it" or "I've been through this before and can make it through again".  I recommend that you seek out a Therapist to help you with some long-term solutions to the anxiety.  Additionally, learning to breathe into the abdomen and practicing this daily is another long-term solution.  Yoga and meditation would be great!</p>
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb	How does someone approach a counselor?	How does a person start the counseling process?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor	Counseling Fundamentals	Elaine Alyson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/elaine-alyson	<p>Most counselors are very approachable and many offer a 15 minute chat by phone to allow you to talk about your issue, and to get a feel for the counselor.  If you like what you hear by phone, the next step is to set up a face-to-face meeting. Studies show that the most important element in effective therapy is that you feel a connection with your counselor.  Trust your instincts and if you don't feel comfortable, let him or her know that you don't think it's a good fit.  Many counselors list on websites like Psychology Today and Good Therapy.  Visit these websites to learn more about therapists in your area.</p>
57a17b19188cd61c1684e860	Why can't I stop these thoughts?	I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-stop-these-thoughts	Diagnosis	Elaine Alyson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/elaine-alyson	<p>Many people have thoughts like those you describe, and often it feels like someone else is saying it because they are things that may have been said to you when you were very young.  When young children hear negative things about themselves they tend to internalize these negative ideas and to form negative core beliefs.  The good news is we can learn to stop these thoughts and to replace them with healthier thoughts.  The first step is to catch yourself when you are thinking these thoughts, and to stay "stop!"; then replace it with another thought.  So for instance, maybe you fail a test or get rejected by a romantic interest.  You catch yourself saying "you aren't worth anything". Stop this thought, and replace it with "You didn't do as well on that test as you would have liked.  Let's figure out how you can do better next time."  Or "she may not want to go out with you, but someone else will". So the idea is to develop a voice of a "friend", who can tell you the kind of things you would say to your own best friend.  You might also pick up the book, Feeling Good, by David Burns. He gives many tips for how to change Negative Self Talk.</p>
5566f94fa64752d71ec3ca64	I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?	I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop	Substance Abuse,Addiction	Samantha Osborne	https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne	<p>Breaking any habit is no easy feat.   Cutting down or cutting out cigarettes is very challenging, and there aren't any one size fits all solutions.  Fortunately, there are a lot of tricks and tools that you can use to stop smoking.  1. Many habits that we have are paired habits. If we do one thing, then we will do the other thing.  Think about the activities that you do when smoking and try to pair those activities with another activity other than smoking.  For instance, many people smoke while they drive.  Consider planning another activity to do while driving. (It might not be driving for you, but you get the idea! :)).  It might be taking a walk instead of smoking on your break at work.  </p><p>2.  Create distance between you and the habit you are trying to break.  This approach could be used in a variety of different ways.  If you smoke first thing in the morning, consider leaving your cigarettes in a different room in your home.  Walking the extra couple of feet could help you decide not to smoke.   Leave your credit or debit cards at home and carry less emergency cash than a pack of cigarettes.  With this strategy, you are trying to create some distance between you the cigarettes so that you have to jump through extra hoops to get them.  </p><p>3.  Consider cutting back before cutting out.  If you are smoking 10 cigarettes a day, try smoking 9. Then cut back to 8 and so on.  Having a plan to reduce harm may be more sustainable than cutting things out altogether. </p><p>4.  You could also talk to your doctor about the safety of nicotine patches. If you aren't already pregnant, this could be a great resource to help boost your success.  </p><p>5. Focus on what you are gaining instead of what you are loosing. You may be losing cigarettes, but you are gaining money, health, taste buds, an increased sense of smell, lung capacity, a healthy baby etc.  You could plan small rewards/ treats with the money you save from decreasing cigarette purchases.  I recommend making these purchases small and frequent to keep up the momentum rather than waiting for a big payout a couple of months down the road.  </p><p><br></p><p>Good luck! Cutting out cigarettes will be good for you and your baby.  </p>
58d18b6498741803743bf7df	How can I cope with work related stress better?	I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better	Stress,Workplace Relationships	Samantha Osborne	https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne	<p>Being in this position is tough. If seeking another career opportunity isn't viable, there are a couple of things you can do to manage stress on the job. </p><p> 1. Have a ritual to begin the day:  Consider setting a one sentence intention and plan tasks for the day</p><p>2. Take the breaks you are offered. I know it can be difficult to step away from your desk to eat lunch or take 10-minute breaks during the day, but prioritize this if you can. Sometimes 30 minutes of downtime and fresh air can help you feel better. </p><p>3.  Have a ritual to end the day:  If you commute by car consider an end of the day playlist.  Take a walk. Light a candle.  Clear your desk and write tasks for the next day. Whatever it is, send a signal to your brain that it is time to end the day.</p><p>4. If you do work from home or are expected to be available after hours, set boundaries where you can.  Set a timer for answering emails and stick to that.  Have phone free meals.    Try to engage in activities that are rejuvenating like spending time the friends and family.  </p><p>5. Try to limit alcohol/ drugs.  Move as much as you can.  Get outside in natural sunlight.  </p><p>These are just ideas/ suggestions.  Even doing one of these things could be a step in the right direction.  Best of luck! </p>
57a153d9188cd61c1684e858	How do I get over "imposter syndrome"?	I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud. How can I get over this feeling?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-imposter-syndrome	Stress,Workplace Relationships,Anxiety	Samantha Osborne	https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne	<p>It sounds like you are on the right track. Recognizing these nagging thoughts of self- doubt as "imposter syndrome" is a huge step in the right direction.  From what you have written here, it appears that you are able to challenge your own thoughts and provide yourself with evidence that counteracts the imposter syndrome.   Continuing to remind yourself of what you have accomplished and looking at the facts at hand can help diminish doubt.  Remember, many successful people battled imposter syndrome on the way to the top (and still manage it).  It might be helpful to read some of their stories so that you don't feel alone.  "The Cut" has a great article on "25 Famous Women on Imposter-Syndrome and Self-Doubt".   Business Insider has a great article about men and the imposter syndrome too.  </p><p>Remember, if you jumped through all of the hoops to get into school and get published-- you belong. </p>
5798080cb43cd7825e26e250	Why do I feel sad all the time?	I just feel sad all the time and I don't like anyone in my family. I feel like they're trying to control me and won't let me grow.	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-sad-all-the-time	Family Conflict,Depression	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Understandably the idea of someone who tries to control you, is good reason to feel sad.</p><p>Your feelings sound like they are very strong and meaningful in your life.<br></p><p><br></p><p>Keep in mind that your feelings about others has more to do with one's own self-view than with what the other person is actually doing.</p><p>Unless the people in your family are actually interrupting and impeding your life in practical ways or by intimidation or other verbal ways to inhibit you, then there is a great chance your feelings of being controlled by other family members has more to do with your fears to be who you are than with any family members' actions.</p><p><br></p>
579808a6b43cd7825e26e251	Why is it hard for me to express myself?	I don't know how to tell someone how I feel about them. How can I get better at expressing how I feel?	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-it-hard-for-me-to-express-myself	Relationships	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>"Practice makes perfect"!</p><p>Simply by expressing yourself and listening to if others listen and understand you, then modifying your next try with whatever improvements you think of based on the impressions you feel others have of you, will progress your self-expression.</p><p>Also, one way to lessen the tension before speaking to someone is to tell them you feel unsure on how best to express yourself.  This way you've prepared them to be patient with whatever words you do state.</p>
5797e507b43cd7825e26e24c	I feel like my mother doesn't support me.	My mother is combative with me when I say I don't want to talk with her about my depression. She hasn't been supportive of me in the past and she isn't someone that I feel comfortable opening up to. She constantly tries to instigate conversations where she asks me questions that I don't want to or can't answer. I tell her I don't want to talk and she starts arguments with me. How can I get her to understand?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-my-mother-doesn-t-support-me	Family Conflict,Depression	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Your situation sounds extremely frustrating.</p><p>You're doing the right move to state you don't want to discuss your depression with her.</p><p>I guess you could ask if she would like to know your reason to not speak w her about your depression.  If you feel she can handle a reasonable conversation, and you would like to tell her your true reason, then schedule this or bring up the topic at a neutral time, not in the middle of an argument.</p><p>Having an unsupportive mom is difficult enough to accept.  You may feel greater success and peach of mind to meditate on accepting her lack of understanding than to engage in arguing when she starts this.</p>
579eb688188cd61c1684e83c	My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do.	I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do	Family Conflict,Parenting	Elissa Gross	https://counselchat.com/therapists/elissa-gross	<p>Hi!   I'm sorry you are having such a tough time with this situation.  I have worked with a number of young adults in their 20's who have had to move back home after college , or even stay at home through the college years.  Bottom line is that either way , it is so difficult when you are trying to discover who you are and what you want your life to be , to have to live at home.   I have even heard much older adults clients  say that when they visit their childhood home , they suddenly feel like a "kid" again .  The old dynamics between adults and their parents and siblings can pop right up as if they have gone back in time and are no longer adults !</p><p><br></p><p>I would suggest that you approach your mom and say something like "I am hoping we can talk about the best way for us to manage me living here.  I really appreciate that you are giving me a place to live until I get on my feet , and I want to be respectful of you and our home ; at the same time , though, I feel like it's important for me to have more independence than when I was younger because I am growing up and trying to learn more about myself and become more autonomous. Can we talk about what might be fair rules that we can  both live with ?" </p><p>If she is receptive , maybe you can each write a separate list of what you think would be fair and reasonable and then compare lists and try to make compromises and come up with a list of "guidleines" that feel fair to you both .   If this is too hard to do alone , perhaps you and your mom can meet with a therapist a few times who can help you to come  up with some kind of "compromise contract."   This is not an easy situation , but if you can approach your mom in a calm and "mature" way and suggest a planned, structured discussion that doesn't take place in the heat of the moment , your mom may be impressed by your maturity and even more receptive to working out some rules that you can both live with.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck !!</p><p>Elissa Gross</p>
58c9c85398741803743bf6e9	My daughter isn't acting her age.	My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is. Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-isn-t-acting-her-age	Parenting,Children & Adolescents	Elissa Gross	https://counselchat.com/therapists/elissa-gross	<p>Hello.</p><p>It sounds like you are really concerned about your daughter because you have noticed a significant change in her behavior .   It's really a great first step that you are reaching out to get some ideas about what might be going on .  You are clearly an observant and hands on  mom who wants to be sure that her daughter is ok.</p><p><br></p><p>This is a tough question to answer without more information .  With that said , I have found that "under stress people regress."  In other words , many people , children and adults alike , often regress and behave differently - as if they were younger than their actual age - when under stress .   Therefore , my first question would be : has anything been happening recently that is causing your daughter stress ?  This could be anything from conflict at home , recent changes such as moving , divorce , a loss of some kind , switching schools , or losing a friend or friends .   Additionally , sometimes if children are feeling bullied or left out by same age peers , they may gravitate toward younger playmates as a way to boost their social confidence .    I would suggest that you think about what stressors / changes may have occurred recently.  You may also want to check in with her teacher (s) to see if they have noticed any changes in your daughter's behavior at school .</p><p>I also think that you can have a conversation with your daughter in order to see if you can get a sense about whether or not something has been bothering her.  Something as simple as " I have noticed that you aren't spending time with the friends you used to hang out with ; it seems like you have been playing with a lot of younger kids lately .  Am I right about that ? " and then if she says yes you might ask a few questions such as : "did something happen with your friends that  is making you not want to be with them?" "Has something been bothering you lately ? Are you feeling upset or worried ? " </p><p>If she denies that there is anything wrong you might even say " I know that sometimes when I feel stressed or worried , I tend to act a little differently - sometimes I withdraw from my regular group of friends , or I get cranky and feel less like myself .  I wonder if something like that is happening with you ?" </p><p><br></p><p>If you are really concerned and not getting any answers from her and / or her teachers , perhaps you can consult with a therapist to discuss your concerns further and decide if it might  help for your daughter to talk to a therapist a few times , or at the very least you can get more specific tips from a therapist about how to approach this issue with your daughter more effectively . The more detail you can provide about what you have noticed with your daughter , including any changes or new stressors ,  any possible patterns to this behavior , if school has become more difficult socially and or academically , the more a therapist can guide you about how best to handle your concerns and talk with your daughter in a way that is helpful to her. </p><p><br></p><p>Good luck!   I believe that this may just be a phase and it seems to me to be well within the normal range of children's behavior.  I do, though, think that you will feel more assured about this  if you can get to the bottom of what's going on .  </p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
58c61c9298741803743bf6ca	What happens in a counseling session?	After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-happens-in-a-counseling-session	Counseling Fundamentals	Elissa Gross	https://counselchat.com/therapists/elissa-gross	<p>Hi.  This is an excellent question !   I think that the answer probably varies depending upon the particular therapist .  In my work with people , once we have met and I have gotten an idea of the person'a concerns and the issues they want help with , I spend the next few sessions gathering as much history and as much information about the client's current concerns in order to formulate some ideas about what may be causing distress .  I would then share my thoughts with the client to see if they feel I am understanding them and on the right track.  We would then discuss the best plan to address the client's concerns .  Usually I will suggest strategies that I think may be helpful and ask the client for feedback about whether or not they think my suggestions feel helpful .   I always encourage clients to be really honest with me about this.  I tell them that I would hate for them to agree to try things that they know they won't try just to avoid "hurting my feelings" or "offending me."  I want to be helpful and while I have the expertise as far as typically helpful  strategies, I really like to work collaboratively and have clients tell me what they do and don't like / agree with or not agree with when I share my thoughts about a treatment plan .  We the   work together to come up with a plan that will be helpful , but also realistic and then revise it and try new things if necessary as we go along.   If things aren't improving , I am very happy and willing to try something new ! </p><p>I hope this is helpful for you ! </p>
57799c9772f4321a37b64221	Is it normal to cry during therapy?	I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-cry-during-therapy	Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals	Elissa Gross	https://counselchat.com/therapists/elissa-gross	<p>Hi there !  As someone who has practiced as a clinical psychologist for 25 years , I would say that crying is NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AT ALL ! Almost every single person I have worked with has cried at one point or another.  Starting therapy takes a lot of courage; when you work with a therapist ,once you feel safe ,  you talk about a lot of very private and potentially emotional things that you may have never discussed with anyone before.  I have seen  people cry with sadness , cry with relief at releasing painful things they have held onto for a long time, cry because they feel so relieved that they finally feel heard.   I myself have sometimes cried with clients because some things they talk about are so profoundly moving.   </p><p>I can assure you that most , if not all , therapists expect clients to cry  and there is nothing to be embarrassed about.   Crying can be very cathartic and can allow us to release a lot of painful feelings we have been stuffing down.   Crying is  often a sign that you are really working things through and getting in touch with feelings that you need to get in touch with in order to heal .</p><p>So , to summarize , don't worry at all about crying! It will probably feel uncomfortable  at first , but I promise you , you will not be judged for crying in therapy.   And it will be less embarrassing once it happens a time or two and you are assured that your therapist will be there for you and won't judge you !</p><p>Good luck !!</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
577189ba3c9e6b307a8ae61f	How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife?	My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-i-handle-the-child-i-had-with-my-ex-wife	Parenting,Relationship Dissolution	Candice Lawhorn	https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-lawhorn	<p>The thing that confuses a child the most is for a parent to come and go from their life. Children have a way of making things their fault, even when they have done nothing wrong. Because of this, when parents cut off contact, the child thinks it's their fault. </p><p>As hard as that already is for a child, it is even worse when a parent pops in and out of their life. This makes the belief even more strong for them. They start to think, "why does dad keep leaving? What am I doing to keep making him go away?"</p><p>I believe a child needs both parents in their life. Whether she used you for a child or not, that child still exists and never asked for this. They didn't ask to be born into drama and two parents that can't make things work. </p><p>You can move on and start over while still maintaining a relationship with your child. If you start over far away, this may mean less visits but you'll still be a part of their life. Just make sure when you make a commitment to this child to stick to it. Every child deserves that much. </p><p>Good luck to you! :-)</p>
56d2f2aa9471b0b41ec68e4d	Is it healthy to embarrass a child as punishment?	My grandson's step-mother sends him to school with a pink Barbie backpack as a form of punishment.	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-healthy-to-embarrass-a-child-as-punishment	Parenting,Family Conflict	Candice Lawhorn	https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-lawhorn	<p>Absolutely not! </p><p>It is never in a child's best interest to use humiliation as punishment. This can lead to issues in the relationship between parent and child as well as the child's social relationships. Kids have a hard enough time. To then go and cause them embarrassment is unconscionable. </p><p>The entire job of a parent is to prepare their child to become a successful, healthy adult. You do this by using healthy ways to teach a child when they make a mistake. Discipline shouldn't be seen as punishment. It should be seen as a way to teach a lesson. What lesson could this possibility be teaching him? Absolutely nothing. </p><p>Meanwhile, she is most likely damaging her relationship with him and causing great distress in his school day and peer interactions. </p><p>She should be one of the people he can come to when he's hurting; not someone who causes him pain.</p>
5797a411b43cd7825e26e246	How do I fix my relationship?	My boyfriend is in recovery from drug addiction. We recently got into a fight and he has become very distant. I don't know what to do to fix the relationship.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-fix-my-relationship-3	Relationships,Addiction	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>I'm sorry you have tension between you and your bf.</p><p>A relationship means two people who relate, right?!   If only one person does all the work to change their approach, what they expect, what they offer the other, then this becomes the new problem to solve.</p><p>If you've already done a significant amount of reflection and change in the way you relate to him, then the next step may be to be patient as long as possible while he decides what to change about his part in the relationship toward you.</p><p>Substance abuse recovery requires profound effort and reflection.  If it is successful then the result will show very different qualities in your bf than the ones you know currently.</p><p>He may be so absorbed in the recovery that he can only concentrate on this.   </p><p>Of course if the fights persist and you have been patient for what feels too long, then there are different questions to address.</p>
5796a111bc069dff6a5339ca	What are the long term effects of losing one's adopted mother?	The birth mother attempted suicide several times while pregnant. The adopted mother was terminally ill upon adopting the baby and died when the child was just over one year old. The adopted father then remarried to a physically, psychologically, and emotionally abusive woman. The child was placed in foster care at 11 years old. What might be the long term effects on an adult with this childhood history?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-long-term-effects-of-losing-one-s-adopted-mother	Family Conflict,Parenting,Children & Adolescents	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>The true answer is, "no one can really say with certainty".</p><p>The variables are the way this child absorbs and adjusts to these significant changes in their life.  All anyone can do is guess at this point and there's no good reason to guess.</p><p>The only general certainty is that the adult whom this child becomes will have had a profound encounter with the biggest types of human losses a child can go through.</p><p>Some people become great teachers, therapists and philosophers who have this background.  Some give up on life and hide away from others.</p><p>The best anyone could do who knows this child is to offer love bc this is the greatest guarantee to show there are good people on this earth.</p>
5795952cbc069dff6a5339aa	How do I help my 20 year old boyfriend who says he hates his life?	I think adult life is making him depressed and we often sleep in on weekends untill 1 or 2 pm. We just eat, smoke weed, watch movies, and he'll go on his phone all day. He doesn't seem motivated to do much and he's often angry. I have no clue how to help him take his mind off the negative, or to distract him into a different light. How do I help him?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-help-my-20-year-old-boyfriend-who-says-he-hates-his-life	Relationships,Depression,Substance Abuse	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>How do you help yourself to believe you require more than what he offers to you?</p><p>What do you get from this relationship which feels satisfying?</p><p>To answer this question may in the longterm be the best way to help your bf.</p>
5773e438b9ff751f196e8df0	I'm worried about my new job.	I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-about-my-new-job	Anxiety,Career Counseling	Philip Kolba	https://counselchat.com/therapists/philip-kolba	<p>hmm this is a tough one!</p>