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holy crap, this is a sensitive question, i'm sure. i will try not to be offensive, but forgive me if i am. i have/had a long-distance friend who is often rude and insensitive. it has been part of our mutual humor. it seems like we both find a lot in common in non-pc humor, and we kind of keep that within our private conversations. mutually, we crack jokes that would easily be considered offensive for the most part. but sometimes these jokes get carried into weird places, where jokes turn into personal insults. i'm not really thinking about the contents of our jokes, but the fact that my friend refuses to apologize after being a jerk. our conversations sometimes get heated–my friend comes from a wealthy family and (unironically) supports trump; i come from a poor family and support very different ideals. can we ever get along? how do we do so? every part of me says that this person is a jerk, but i'm starting to think they might just be autistic, and i mean that without insult. i do not think less of autistics, or this person. lately, this friend has restarted conversation and has reached out to me, out of the blue, after months of my decision to disconnect. they asked me to be friends again. literally, i cut ties with them because i was annoyed by her constant disrepsect. it seems like she thinks like i'm less of a person for whatever reason. effectively, i'm just wondering if this person is autistic or if they're just an asshole. thanks for your time. | how do you differentiate between autistism and jerks? | 6quxsa | why does it matter whether or not this person meets criteria for a mental illness? whether or not they are autistic you can still maintain boundaries, and expect apologies when appropriate. whatever their issue may be, they likely will benefit from the feedback, if given with patience and care, especially if the alternative is that you disappear from their life without an explanation. | needadvice | 6quxsa |
hi 👋 ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well i’m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction. short intro, i’m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn’t a year old. i didn’t drink a drop during pregnancy but once i had him - boom 💥 i stupidly had that first drink thinking i will be able to moderate now. a mistake we have all made i’m guessing. i now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary’s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends. however i remember how great i felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how i dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness! determined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. i know i can do it and have the drive to see it through so let’s do this! eek scared and excited at the same time | lurker for ages finally taking the plung | 8m0esx | hi. hows it going for you? ive had a challenging week. my dad is sick, kids not sleeping but have managed so far | stopdrinking | 8m0esx |
about a month or two ago i was at work sitting in the truck after starting work only a week or two before after being out of work for over a year when out of nowhere i had pain running under my left arm and chest. not long after that i felt really sick all of a sudden and my vision went black and white. i felt dizzy and it felt like it lasted 30 seconds to a minute but the pain under the arm was a few minutes before that. for medication i take haloperidol two 500mcg tablets twice a day, finasteride 0.5mg once a day and minoxidil (oral) 1mg once a day. i was out of work for over a year and while out of work i didn't do any exercise at all and slept around 10 hours a day. all day long for the year i was pretty much just sitting down on the computer and watching tv so this could have contributed? i have seen a doctor about this and he got my to do an ecg and said all was normal with my heart. he didn't really say what it could have been and just left it at that. i weigh 61 kilograms and i am 175 cm if that helps. | (27/ male) did i have a heart attack? | 54dp66 | 30 seconds of chest pain and a normal ecg doesn't scream heart attack. why are you taking haloperidol? (edit: saw your post history, and as a professional who has previously worked in autism units - i vehemently disagree with your assertions - but that's for another thread entirely!) | askdocs | 54dp66 |
hello! my boyfriend’s father is currently in the icu following a life-threatening bacterial infection. my boyfriend is making the 7 hour drive to see him every weekend and will continue to do so well into flu season. he mentioned the other day that he was nervous about getting a flu shot this year because he doesn’t want to spread anything to his father in his weakened state. i’ve read that the vaccine is made from inactive virus which prevents you from spreading flu as a direct result. i wanted to know if that’s correct and what other information i can give him to help him feel more confident in protecting himself and his father. thanks! | is it safe to get a flu shot with a loved one in the icu? | 9m9dfj | he should make sure to get the inactivated virus, not the intranasal vaccine that is a live attenuated virus. the inactivated virus can't actually infect you and therefore can't be spread. | askdocs | 9m9dfj |
recent college grad of a top public university with $75k tech job in a suburb area -- so my income is a little above average but a lot less than what my cs (computer science) peers make. if you ask me 3 years ago what words describe me, i would say "hardworking, resilient, bubbly, creative". however, multiple things in college & built-up from difficult childhood made me no longer that way. some reasons are: * grew up with an immigrant single mother who works minimum wage to feed a family of 4. instead of hanging out with friends or interning during breaks in high school, i worked at a restaurant in place of my mother because she's often sick. being the eldest child, i had to learn everything myself. even though my mother always said just get an average job and find a good husband, i'm subconsciously brainwashed to believe i need money to be happy. * worked really hard first 2 years of college to apply to my dream program but got waitlisted. was still optimistic so worked extra hard to impress the waitlist committee. ended up being rejected ---- so i spent almost 3 years in college fighting for a degree program that ended in nothing. * most of my friends (including and excluding ones who applied to the same program) switched to cs for the money, so i followed them. although i took intro cs class earlier in my college career, due to above "dream program" gpa requirements, i waited till the end of my junior year to finish the majority cs courses. i had to take cs courses with its prerequisites. always concerned about a gpa requirement & having to cram cs major down in <2 years made me form a habit of just cramming for the grades but not actually learning. i thought about quitting cs and but my boyfriend (who also switched majors and pursued cs and ended up with almost 2x more salary) said as long as i graduate with cs degree, i'll be able to get a well-paying job ---- this did not happen; i also didn't learn how to learn in college because all i did was cram for exam. * joined clubs with heavy commitments that didn't end up helping my job search, but instead, i had to sacrifice my health to still keep my grades up with the limited study time. * boyfriend whos best friend to me started thinking i'm useless. he went into the dark tunnel of thinking money and prestige is the only way. he is now suffering from depression but still working at a high paying job. because of his negative attitudes towards everything, he started indirectly telling mutual friends bad things about me (that may not be as bad as he think). despite all these, he is still the only person who tries to go out of his way to help me. so whenever he becomes moody and start viewing me negatively, i become sadder. * studied so hard to graduate: went to every office hours, stopped talking to friends, sacrificed food time, slept after 3am everyday, broke my immune system (was sick every 2 months of the last year of college). ----- everything fell apart but still ended up with just similar salary as friends who are less smart and less hardworking. * it's very common for cs majors to reference online materials for assignments (people do this at work all the time). but because of one incident, i almost did not graduate and ended up having to get a grade deduction. i'm glad the professor "gave me another chance" ---- but i worked so hard but still ended up with barely a passing grade, so i feel like my whole efforts are wasted. there are also other reasons but i don't want to make this any longer. ---------------- i don't know when i started to feel these ways: 1. my effort never leads to good results 2. everyone thinks i'm useless and will never be successful 3. cannot make decisions because i think my decision and effort will lead to another failure 4. not motivated to do anything because don't know what won't end in failure 5. always conflicted b/w wanting more money to buy more things & wanting to be happy. don't know how to find that balance. 6. most of the time i just feel empty and aimless. feeling empty at work, feeling empty while walking (except when i'm watching tv shows to forget about reality) how do i resolve the above points? any suggestion would help. will elaborate if needed. thank you so much | how to be more motivated & better at decision making | bxpx5y | it sounds like a lot of different issues have snowballed and blended into a tangled mess of generally feeling unhappy. from what you’ve said, you didn’t get to spend a lot of time as a child/adolescent getting to know who you are. you have always been working and taking on very grown up roles. i’m also hearing a lot of internalized pressure. it sounds as though you believe every time you make it over the *next* hurdle you will find happiness. it doesn’t sound like you have a balanced life. think of your life like slices of a pie, with equal amounts of energy going to each slice. you need slices for work, friendship, love, spirituality, hobbies. spend some time getting to know who you are outside of work and academics. figure out what is fun to you. start talking back to these negative voices in your head. this is where therapy can truly help. it may also help in addressing some of the childhood experiences that are likely the root of those negative messages. do better with self-care, including adding some pleasure in your life. good luck to you! | askatherapist | bxpx5y |
21 female usa, full body no known medical condition (diagnosed) birth control stressful events and life changes continue to occur this past year, randomly get anxious in public. i'm afraid of where my mind goes when i feel like this. i always get thoughts to hurt myself, but i know i shouldn't the thoughts keep coming. biteing my lips and my finger help with it sometimes. my heart races and i can't think. i feel alone, and don't think i can go to my family even though i live with them kinda. if i go to a doc and get diagnosed with something i loose my scholarship but i get more stressed at school. i'm just a failure either way. how can i feel better? | stressed and panic attacks increasing, having them on and off now | aeqlqh | am a mental health professional here. mental health records are protected (confidential) information. so your school wouldn't have any way of finding out if you get mental health treatment, including psychiatric medication. please see a therapist skilled in cognitive behavior therapy. or a psychiatrist. or both. | askdocs | aeqlqh |
**edit** thank you everyone who commented. i’ve used a lot of the leads through my different posts and i’m pretty sure without a doubt it’s schizoaffective disorder. next step would be figuring out how to get her to a psychiatrist to officially diagnose her so she can be helped. ___ my mom has a serious condition. she does some pretty messed up things all the time. i don’t even want to get into it all, but one example was she was telling a story about how my grandfather was there while she was in labor with my sister and he got up to leave for a quick smoke, he was gone for 10 minutes and by the time he got back my sister was born. this story is 15 years old, but never happened. my grandpa was at work during this time. she also has this story about how my grandfather made her get an abortion at a young age. my grandfather doesn’t believe in abortions because his father made his sister get an abortion and she was never able to have kids later on. so obviously, that never happened either. she also says she grew up moving from foster home to foster home before my grandmother married my grandfather and allowed him to adopt her. this is untrue. she spent one day in a government home right before the adoption process. these stories don’t just pertain to my grandfather. they’re woven in and out of her life everywhere. she perceives things differently, she can be cruel while thinking she’s just trying to do the right thing, and recalls things in a completely different light than how they actually happened. many stories almost seem like she wants people to feel bad for her, but it really does seem like she actually believes them. she divorced my dad because “he was too controlling” after 16 years of marriage. turns out she was cheating on him, and her new boyfriend isn’t somebody i want my kids around after getting the chance to meet him. she takes his side in all things and together they make the environment really toxic so i don’t take my kids over there. she blames me for not having a relationship with her grandkids and blames my wife for the way i see the situation. it’s all so twisted from her perspective though. i think she needs therapy but don’t see how it can be effective when the therapist doesn’t know what’s going on. she can hold a conversation easily and, because of her believing these altered realities, can be quite manipulative to anyone who doesn’t know better. the doctors have her on adderall because from the things she tells her psychiatrist they believe she only has add. she has something else and it’s causing her to act in ways that are pushing away everyone she loves. she’s going to end up old and lonely believing that the world hates her if this can’t be figured out. she’s 39 by the way. | what mental issue causes people to live in their own delusional world where you’ll often find them “making up stories” and seem like they actually believe them? | ip50yw | this does not, from what you’re describing, sound to me like schizoaffective disorder. altered versions of events are not psychosis, and none of what you describe is either acute depression or mania. but i’m not there. on the other hand, you don’t know, from cursory reading, what schizoaffective disorder is. this is why having a mental health professional evaluate her in person is the way to make a diagnosis and formulate treatment. | askdocs | ip50yw |
not for sex or casual dating reasons. just everyday life reasons. like... not having to check with your so to stay all night somewhere, or having to consider their expenses for purchases, or having to really think about anyone other than yourself. in my own situation, i love my so. i do a lot for him and don't usually get upset when he doesn't notice. but lately it feels like i'm the only one doing anything to keep our romance alive and it honestly feels like wasted effort. i know i need to talk to him, but are these feelings normal? even in healthy relationships? | is it normal to think that life would be easier if you were single? | 6ov40z | life is a trade off have a big talk. if it goes nowhere suggest couple therapy. if that goes nowhere it's likely over i'm afraid | relationship_advice | 6ov40z |
deleted. my intention isn't to hurt anyone and there is a reason i didn't include names. | i hate /r/makeupaddiction and it's main users | 22d990 | i end up on mua a few times a month, though i never bothered putting it in my defaults. sometimes i sort by top for the month just to see what i've missed and even with such a low usage i'm pretty sure i know who you're talking about lol. i was actually on it yesterday thinking "if this is what *impressive* makeup looks like, i should apply at sephora... cause this shit basic yo." i fully understand that quality posts can't be churned out 50 a day, but i'd rather it be a slower sub with better content. then i'd subscribe for sure. | offmychest | 22d990 |
i had a 50 day streak before this last sunday. i was doing so incredibly well - i'd been to a birthday at a bar, i'd been to the pub, i'd hosted a bbq, i'd been to several gigs, and i'd been to a work networking event. i'd have drank at every single one of these things previously, but i didn't drink at any of them this time. and guess what? they were all fine. a bit nerve-wracking from time to time, but all were fine in the end. until this weekend. i planned to go to a friend's birthday on friday night, and go to a music festival in my city on saturday and sunday where many friends would also be. i also had a small work shift booked for part of sunday. if you're thinking that's way too much at once for a recovering alcoholic... you're right. i'd done so well this far that i felt like i was basically invincible. a big part of me knew this wouldn't end well, but i was determined to ignore that voice. ah well. i ended up going to a very, very loud and busy bar on sunday night after my work shift to meet two friends i hadn't seen in a long time. i was exhausted, it was so loud and busy, and i felt like i had to sort my head out before seeing them. obviously the only thing i could think of doing in an environment like that was drinking. sigh. i had a nice chat to them, stayed for a couple of hours, then went home. the damage had already been done though. i guess i drank too much in a very short space of time, and i spent all the next day feeling unbelievably ill. i'm disappointed in myself, but actually feel more determined than ever to stay sober. this has been a horrible reminder of how awful alcohol is. the headache, the nausea, the appalling indigestion, the anxiety, the tiredness... it feels so much worse now after 50 days' sober, because my mood and physical state for those 50 days was better than it's been in years! anyway, i'm back to day one, but (apart from the hangover) i don't feel too down about this. it mostly feels like a powerful reminder of why i've chosen to be sober in the first place. it's also been a reminder that i'm not invincible, and that i can't do exactly the same things i did when drinking. if my mind is telling me it's too much at once, then it's probably too much. if i'm tired, i should just go home. pulling out of events from time to time doesn't mean failure - it's just accepting that i'm human. also, cancelling on friends from time to time isn't the worst thing in the world. i'm sure they'd have understood. ah well. onwards to another 50 days, and then hopefully many more after that! | i pushed myself too hard. know your limits people... | 91crsb | yep...pacing... one/i can get a bit over excited with all the opportunnities etc. we are still all only human. good luck. iwndwyt | stopdrinking | 91crsb |
my friend have been having a rough time for the past few weeks (i think) and one of the main problems is that she just broken up with her boyfriend. they have been going out for a little over 2 years now. sounds tough cause me personally never have been in any relationship, so i can't relate to her. i usually don't like getting into people's business but i ask her why they broke up and it wasn't the smart thing cause i didn't know what to say. but she's not mad or anything but i wished i would've saud something helpful. | helping a good friend go through a break up | 5pbuk1 | just be a good caring friend. you'll say the right things i'm sure. | relationship_advice | 5pbuk1 |
i met this guy 6 months ago we hit it off well, but said he didnt expect to be around very long. we have more in common then anyone we know (same videogames music athletic interests cooking). after a month of seeing eachother knowing i was dating other people he mentioned he wasnt seeing anyone else and i asked if he wanted me to stop seeing others, he did. few months past i felt like i was putting in most the effort, taking care of him and his sick cat (held him crying for days), cooking him food, surprising him got nothing back. so i said i was catching feelings for him, his response is he didnt want anything serious but enjoyed gaming with me... so i said i wanted to start going on dates again to distract me, when i did, he said i was losing interest in him and he would fight for my attention back to be exclusive with him... - we talk every day -we spend days together -we've never fought - when were together we have eachothers full attention -we keep up with each other and sex is great so naturally being exclusive and no real toxic issues of course i have fallen for him but i dont want to be used, i can not tell if hes just using me for the (girlfriend experince) without the girlfriend title, when i say things like *girls just wanna be loved* he pulled me close and held me till i fell asleep, we game together nearly everyday were not together in person and we have a ton of fun together. his only cons is i think he just doesnt know what he wants at all, he has a degree but doesnt presue any job in that degree or motivated to work it seems. he used to not flirt with me but after i said i wanted to see other people he got much better at that now can be very cute, anytime i say i dont like something he works hard to change that like not being cuddly and giving awkward hugs, hes changed both. what should i do, keep going as things as prob keep feeling mix of love and rejection? am i overthinking things and 6 months is still not long enough (i should mention i am new to dating, im 24 hes 25 but i got out of 6 year relationship so i a learning difference and stuff) is this normal dating, should i be concerned, idk what i am doing looking for some insight into dating world, what is not serious but exclusive and is that even a thing because we pretty much act like boyfriend and girlfriend and he doesnt wanna lose me.... im sooooo confused | exclusive but not serious and i'm confused | 67pq8e | no point being exclusive if it's not serious! | relationship_advice | 67pq8e |
my doctor recently put me on metformin to lose weight and get a period (was already on spironolactone to manage my skin problems). doc is super helpful and understanding and she gave me some numbers to plug into mfp to help me: 75 grams of carbs a day, with 25 of them being fiber. she said between 1400-1500 calories should be my goal. i took her advice because i go to the gym 4-5 times a week and at one point over the last six months managed to lose 10 pounds (from 270 pounds to about 260). i was frustrated though, because it felt like i was doing everything right and saw no progress (because there really wasn't a whole lot on the scale). i gained about half of that back within a month, despite keeping my gym schedule and eating about 1600 calories a day. anyway, i've been on the metformin for about two weeks and have lost about 8 pounds. i'm satisfied with that but i wonder if she has me eating too many carbs a day. i can easily stay within that limit (i was only eating about 100 carbs a day before that), but i'm concerned maybe it's not low enough. what have you found is a good limit on carbs? doesn't matter to me if you're on medication or not, i'd just really like to lose weight. | advice for going low carb? | 42z5bv | for me it wasn't so much about reducing the carbs as much as it was about not eating carbs in isolation. this idea is supported by the book the insulin resistance diet, but i also felt like it made a difference for me (and in general promoted healthier eating habits, because not eating carbs in isolation = less snacking and more sitting down at full meals that included protein, fat, and carbs, which left me more satisfied and eating less overall) | pcos | 42z5bv |
i've been seeing a therapist for over a year who suggested a while ago i should speak to my doctor about antidepressants. put it off for a lot of reasons. shame for being depressed. terrified to take them. the last year has been hell though. i've spent most of it gradually sinking lower. i sleep all the time. avoid seeing everyone or going out because it's just too much effort. all my usual hobbies have either been thrown out or stuffed away in the garage. even just the though of sitting and painting makes me feel exhausted. i'm just at the end of my rope. there is no way i can continue on like this. so i made an appointment with my doctor for today, and i made sure to tell the secretary it was about depression and antidepressants. unless i don't show there is no backing out. only, i'm not even sure what to say. or if i should go. this feels like a big step and i'm not confident i can do it. all my fears about taking antidepressants seem to be kicking in. i don't want to be a zombie. i really, really, really, don't want to gain weight or lose my sex drive. how did i even talk to my doctor about this? what should i be prepared for? in the end, i'm not even sure why i've posted this. maybe i'll just delete it and go back to bed. sleeping makes things bearable. | finally doing it, finally asking for help. ...and scared i'll back out. | 2tysqa | antidepressants aren't like mood stabilizers thus feeling like a zombie shouldn't be an issues. the point of getting on these things is to help you feel better so you can benefit more from therapy and eventually get off of them. so any side effects you may have will be temporary and will they be any worse than what is happening right now? it does take antidepressants about two weeks to be at a therapeutic level so if you don't feel better right away, don't be surprised or give up on taking them. edit: i would say you aren't scared of the side effects, you're scared to be happy again. | mentalhealth | 2tysqa |
i'm having a negative knee-jerk reaction whenever i see an article or post related to political, ideological, or informational shenanigans. although it's healthy to have skepticism, i'm not mentally prepared to interact with these topics in person or with the people who have these ideas or thought processes. how should i go about thinking about these things or treating people? also, as someone who tends to interpret things literally due to having mild autism, is it better to learn how to deal with this or to remove myself from this? | how to deal with post-facts, gaslighting, conspiracy theories? | bb4t05 | some people are really interested in discussing politics. some people aren't. some people absolutely hate talking about politics. there's nothing wrong with being either one. if it's not for you, just excuse yourself from conversations or ask to change the subject. as to the last question, that's entirely up to you. it takes a lot of work to desensitize yourself to the things that trigger your anxiety. is the benefits of not having that knee-jerk reaction worth the amount of work it's going to take? if so, then by all means, put the work in. if not, then it's entirely fine if you choose to remove yourself from these kind of conversations. | askatherapist | bb4t05 |
this turned out longer than i wanted it, but please bear with me im diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder, so i often suffer from flashbacks, general dissociation, dissociative amnesia, panic attacks, etc. im also diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1 and generalized anxiety, both of which come with their own laundry lists of fun stuff i have worked before, though the longest ive been able to hold a job was a year. i have often left early from a shift because of panic attacks/flashbacks and have also experienced dissociative amnesia at work with varying outcomes (being perfectly fine/no one noticing but also being found crying in the bathroom by my boss/not knowing where i am/having my emergency contact called to come pick me up) im currently unemployed and in therapy, slowly wading into parts therapy and emdr, and am also very close to being back on medication after losing access for about 3 years my therapist has stated before, months ago, that she thinks something high-stress like retail(pretty much the only type of job ive worked) would be counterintuitive and only hold back treatment and shed much prefer i work something slower paced and with less people (maybe something clerical or in an environment like a library) which i agreed with weve had a lot of conversations about working and i always tell her that i absolutely *want* to work and in the beginning i stated that a large reason for seeking therapy was to be able to function to be able to hold down a job recently in a session i was explaining my frustration with finding a job that wasnt high-paced retail or health care around my area and that i was starting to spiral and beat my self up for not working. she then told me that at this point shed prefer me not working at all. she definitely wants me to in the future and is very glad that i *want* to work, but that for now she would honestly rather have me on ssi than to work and "decompensate further" ive read before about this being a red flag but i absolutely trust her judgement and just want to do my very best in treatment and if not working will ensure its efficacity, im willing to go through applying for ssi for what its worth, my partner also agrees with my therapist, and i know i have a tendency to minimize my own symptoms and problems, i just have trouble picking apart intentions and whats best for me i guess im asking if other therapist would agree with her based off of what ive said in the post, and/or if her saying she doesnt want me working right now *is* a red flag of sorts? | therapist doesnt want me working? | hu8mub | i don't know that it would be a red flag. what makes you say that? are you concerned some type of fraud is going on? if she is offering to do the paperwork necessary for ssi, that is pretty cool. i don't know enough to say that you should or shouldn't, just not exactly certain what is rubbing you the wrong way. | askatherapist | hu8mub |
...and if you're pregnant with adhd, just know everything will be okay :) | i feel things deeply and suddenly, so i just wanted to give a shoutout to all my adhd brothers and sisters who cry like pregnant women... | by0q6m | hahaha i love this and i often go to write a post like this. | adhd | by0q6m |
going to counseling with my so, and this is our third visit with this counselor. i'm trying to keep an open mind with her, but i'm having some doubts about how well she "meshes" with both of us. when i've seen other counselors, they have provided skills to work on and homework-type things to work on outside of their office. i've been asking for this each time we've gone in, but to no avail. she says she's still "learning our style". i appreciate that she wants to understand us better -- but we're in counseling because we need help communicating with each other, and it's not getting better. i've been doing my own research and reading, and i've printed things off to share with my so, and i plan to talk to her about my expectations in counseling. when i've been assertive in the sessions thus far, it seems to be divisive with her. she will start talking about how my so is experiencing things, and never really open up to my experience. i mentioned this last time, "what about my experience?"... and she seemed very taken aback that i brought it up. from my past experiences with counselors, and what i've read up on my own - this "taking sides" kind of behavior isn't really helpful or productive. needless to say, my so likes her, and thinks that i don't because "she can tell it's your fault." great. :/ any thoughts on how to address this, or to have a more equitable counseling session? not terribly related, but i can't help but feel she's kind of sheisty, since she's supposed to be billing my employee assistance benefits for the first 8 sessions at 100%... and she's told us both times that she has to fill out more paperwork to do that.... so we've paid $92 out of pocket (cash) without getting a receipt from her for each session. i called my eap helpdesk to ask what she needed to fill out, and they said she hasn't even attempted to file a claim, and to not give her any more money. doesn't really help with my perception of her as a therapist. :/ | reasonable expectations from a couples counselor? | 1m9har | i work as a marriage counselor and so to the first part of your question re: homework-- that totally depends on the type of therapy the therapist practices. cbt usually gives some homework, whereas the type of therapy i do (eft) does not. that in and of itself is not an indication of a good or bad therapist. what is concerning is that she has formed a stronger alliance with your partner. a good test of how good she is as a therapist is to explicitly tell her this. if she's any good she will attempt to do repair work with you. if she's not any good she'll poo-poo your concerns or turn it back on you. the money thing could be odd/could not be-- billing is such a nightmare it's impossible to really say from the info you've given. in any case, if you aren't feeling comfortable with the therapist after the next session, find a new one-- get recs, etc. you're the client, and you deserve to have your concerns addressed. | relationship_advice | 1m9har |
every day for the past few months the thought of dying has crossed my mind at least once, some days it's dozens of times. i've only got so much time on this earth yet i'm wasting a good amount of it worrying and obsessing over when and how i'll die. it doesn't help that my anxiety manifests uncomfortable and painful sensations that make me think i actually will die soon. i just wish i could get over this obsession, i know it'll happen and there's nothing i can do about it, i wanna stop wasting my time on this and go back to when it wasn't even at the back of my mind. this is so exhausting. | i'm so tired of obsessing over death. | bli87i | i feel this. the way i've been coping- every time i get into that dark place, i try to identify all the things in life i'm grateful for and how truly lucky i am to just be alive experiencing it all right now. pivoting away from the darkness is really hard, and you can do it. | anxiety | bli87i |
okay. so. am i the asshole when i refuse to go to a party i'm being invited to? context: the past few years, i've been on decline, and rarely going out. that said, i did fall into an amazing community within an mmo and they've been my social network. the friend who onvited me to what's going to be a rather large parties knows i don't do the whole party scene. going out to something like that gives me a damn near crippling anxiety attack where i'd be throwing up well before i even leave the house. and now she's been using out other friends as a means to get me to go, telling them that i've already been invited and being convinced to go. why not just say no? because i've been choosing my online community over the past recent request to hang out with this friend. she thinks she can use our other friends because i went to birthdays and holiday celebrations. honestly i think i'm done at this point. after everything i've done to help her out with her problems over the years, she's made no attempt to understand mine. where i'd be supportive in every aspect, she'd just shoot me down. last night, i was told my online community is fictional. which really cuts deep because i have met some really amazing people. and now she's using our past to guilt me into going. back in high school, when i was in a better place, i'd drop whatever i was doing, even when inconvenient, for this friend. now she seems hella pissed that that's not true anymore. you know how people say "its not you, its me."? yeah that's not true here. its not me, its you. | [help] i just need someone to talk me through something | 75e21j | just say no. it doesn't matter what else you're doing, whether it's videogames or another event or staying at home to stare at a wall. you don't have to go to any party if you don't want to go. you cannot be forced to attend any party. no amount of guilting or "good reasons" to go has to change your mind, because *you don't want to go*. that's all the reason anyone needs. edit: you don't need a reason to say no, you don't need to come up with an excuse, you don't need to explain yourself. ...however, if you really want to compromise or try to reason with your friend, tell them you'd prefer a smaller party with people you do know. it may be that the friend is trying to lessen your anxiety by putting you in an uncomfortable situation... which may or may not be the best move, but they could mean well by it. you know that situation better than i do, so it's up to you what to say. | gfd | 75e21j |
hey all, i could use some help. so i 'm a mess, and i could use some help. so, i'm 26 years old, and i've been suffering from anxiety for the past few months. i'm a bigger guy, and i had my first anxiety attack after eating some edibles. i had a bad trip, and was convinced i was having a heart attack. ever since then, i've been a slave to my anxiety. any little pain or discomfort in my chest, and i have a panic attack. i can't sleep, and have been to the doctors office several times. today, i had a panic attack while in a boardroom meeting at work. my house was just broken into a week ago, and while before my panic was confined to night, now it comes during the day. my anxiety left home, and is attacking me at work, and i need to do whatever i can do to wrestle it down. i'm opened minded to any tips or advice you guys have, and thank you for taking the time to hear me out. | just had a panic attack in my boardroom mid meeting, looking for some help | 4pdd6w | is therapy an option? it could be very helpful. anti-anxiety meds may also be helpful, but might be more effective if you are also in therapy. a doctor may also be more willing to prescribe anxiety meds to someone who has at least tried therapy. | anxiety | 4pdd6w |
male caucasian 26 225 pounds 6’1” slightly high cholesterol but good vitals otherwise have taken effexor in the past as well fyi, i’m currently under the care of a psychiatrist for this medication change. just wanting another point of view to help with my anxiety/panic disorder. since the beginning of the year, i was taking 37.5 mg of paxil. i had previously been up as high 62.5 mg for panic disorder but have been lowering myself to a dose that allowed me to function better. my psychiatrist decided to switch me from paxil er to pristiq er to help reduce panic attacks that i still seem to have on paxil. for 2 weeks i dropped down to 25 mg of paxil er a day i’m now currently taking 12.5 mg of paxil er at night and starting 50 mg of pristiq every morning, (started pristiq today) this will last for the next 2 weeks following 2 weeks, i will stop the paxil altogether and just continue on the pristiq 50 mg. is this a normal timeline to ween myself off of paxil completely? is serotonin syndrome a possibility with this switch? has anyone here gone from paxil to pristiq or vice versa? thank you for the extra advice. i trust my psychiatrist, but just would like more thoughts on the weening process and the withdrawal effects. | serotonin syndrome / withdrawal switching from paxil to pristiq | ctqpih | there are surprisingly few guidelines on tapering paxil. there's nothing in there that looks terrible on its face, and starting another ssri/snri may reduce the risk of feeling discontinuation symptoms. if you do start feeling it, let your psychiatrist know. as the other poster said, it's pretty normal to cross-taper medications (reduce the dose of one while increasing the dose of the other) and it's a recommended practice so that you aren't without medication for any period of time. | askdocs | ctqpih |
hey team, my wife has anxiety. she has a medical procedure tomorrow so the doc gave her some lorazepam to take tonight and some for the morning. but taking a new medicine is making her feel anxious. have you experienced something like this? what can i do to help? | anti-anxiety meds cause anxiety? | db61jo | not much! she probably just has to weigh up the pros and cons and make an informed decision. | mentalhealth | db61jo |
age: 20 yrs(currently studying in university) country: india sex: male drugs: no i am listing my possible symptoms below: 1. **lost in thought.** nowadays i spent most of the time deep in thoughts where i am living a completely different life.the more time i spent on those thoughts the more i lose touch with reality. most of the time i cannot stop thinking. yesterday i only stopped thinking when i hit one of the furniture while i was thinking and walking. most of the time i walk while i think. here is one of the examples of what life i live in my thoughts: "this one i started having from 3 months ago. in this thought i am a footballer and living the life of the footballer. the horrifying thing about this is i am spending say close to 1 hour in this thought(it never happens together in small intervals say of 7-8 mins but it happens throught out the day) and i live all parts of a footballers life from training, playing matches, doing press conference, travelling, having family. its horrifying because it feels very real". i currently live 2-3 other lives in one of which i am a famous businessman and other i am the pm. 2. **lack of concentration.** i think i havent been able to concentrate in a thing straight for more than 20 minutes. most of the time i am trying a thing for say 7-8 min, then i get up from my seat and spent next 10 min deep in thoughts. even when i have exam on the next day i am still unable to concentrate. two months ago i have an examination and i had two day to prepare for it, what i did was i spent all the time like this not being able to concentrate. i always knew i havent read a single thing about it and tried to sit down and study but without any success. i only got to sit down and study only when i had 2 hrs left before the exam. this is not only one instance it is happening with me with almost every exam i just cant sit down and study at all irrespective of whether i like the subject or not. even while writing this post i could not count the number of times i got lost in thought. 3. **feeling of superiority.** sometimes i feel i am a superior being, i am much more mature and much smarter and feel my friends or family will never be able to understandand me or do what i can do. 4. **struggling with the basics of daily life.** i have stopped taking care of myself. my mom has been asking me for past 2 weeks to get a shave and get a haircut because they are looking awfully bad and i am completely aware of the fact. i havent applied any soap or lotion to feets for months even though the climate is very dry. i dont cut my finger nails on time and hardly care how i look. i face trouble staying on schedule or finishing what they start. sometime when i start something i am unable to complete it. i have started around 30 courses on coursera in 2 years but havent completed any. on average i complete first two weeks in 2-3 days then i abandon it. 5. **lost connection with the society.** i havent had a meaningful conversation with anyone for months and i hardly talk with anyone without my needs. i dont like attending any event. even when some of friends make plans to go out and invite me though i sometimes go out with them but most of the time i feel like staying at home inspite of knowing i will have a great time with them. 6. **other symptoms.** loss of pleasure or interest, difficulty in remembering, difficulty in understanding instruction. | am i suffering from schizophrenia or any other mental illness? | 9rjzc5 | nope. definitely not schizophrenia. unlikely to be a severe and enduring mental illness. likely to be more related to stress and anxiety more than anything else - but obviously i havent seen you in person so i cant be 100% certain. the only other thing i could think of is a mixed affective state but again im not convinced. | askdocs | 9rjzc5 |
this seems like the best place to lay some guts out on the table and take some criticism. let me explain. i'm in a relationship now that's leaning towards its end and the same pattern has happened in the past, it lasted for about the same length of time as well. i know i'll sound full of shit if i tell you i genuinely try to be a good girlfriend but i just don't see a point in having it any other way. i've basically struck out twice in the past six months with two different lads, two months apart/not at the same time. at first these gents were incredibly sweet, they made me feel amazing/respected/intrigued/having passion etc...in any relationship it's understandable that the whole "honeymoon" phase is over at some point, but what can cause the transition from that to the complete opposite in the course of two months? there's not really anything remarkable on my side to explain, i've remained static and trying to keep up that spark, haven't changed physically or mentally since the beginning. i might try too hard if anything which can be damaging but i think my expectations are pretty realistic. it's like they just stop trying altogether and even so far as being disrespectful, and then a downward spiral from there. if what i am doing is part of a negative pattern i'd like to break it, getting too old for this shit. tl;dr does a girl that tries make a guy less interested to pursue? | i [29f] treat others how i'd like to be treated, but it's never reciprocated, how can i fix this? | 2vueik | you might be trying too hard, but could you elaborate on what the guys did to reverse things/become disrespectful and what you suspect you do that is trying too hard? | relationship_advice | 2vueik |
and how do you respond when they admit to it? | how do you feel about clients looking up your social media profile? | d6oz2a | i don't really care. makes sense for them to know more about me. | askatherapist | d6oz2a |
how does everyone else handle getting stuck in negative self-talk? on those days when all your coping skills collapse and you just...don't manage achieve even one of the goals you set yourself? i'm in my thirties, have had the diagnosis for years, and despite that i still have so many days that end with me feeling like a complete failure and berating myself for still not having figured out how to exist with my brain issues. so what do you guys do? wallow? or do you have some tips to defeating the sunday-night-shame-spiral? tl:dr: so many plans on fridays, so much negativity on sundays. | how do y'all deal with shame-spirals? | b7w62h | i just want to say how helpful this post has been. i got an email from work that pushed me into starting a shame spiral and i ended up on this sub looking for distraction but found this thread. i’m glad i’m not the only one that feels this way and struggles with these problems. it makes me feel less insane. | adhd | b7w62h |
how some leavers here are like “day 6: finished my phd, got promoted at work, re-married the love of my life and found god! high on life!” while others are like “day 216: another round of paws, mood is slightly better. still craving more than i care to admit. hanging in there hoping it will get better” the spectrum of experiences is mind-blowing wide, and seems that each specific one is a matter of many or infinite factors. hang in there everyone! no matter how it’s going - it sure as hell beats being a (non-fighting) addict! | it’s amazing | epx6kl | i’m on day 6 and miserable. i feel very envious of the people who are talking about quitting like it’s some kind of miracle because for me it has been torture | leaves | epx6kl |
it's been about 6 weeks dry so far, replacing (or attempting to replace) alcohol with weed. i happen to live in california where weed is now legal. i've never really been a fan of weed, but in high doses it can negate the burning desire to drink. every night for the past couple weeks i've been committed to going out and grabbing a bottle of cider early in the morning so it can be out of my system by the time my wife gets home from work. but for the life of me, i can't motivate myself to leaving the house for alcohol since i can't manage to wake up early enough. i barely have the will to leave the couch. my wife told me earlier (sounding surprised) how happy she was that i hadn't drank for over a month. so i suppose it's useful if you want to force yourself to stop drinking. can't say it's helpful at all if you end up being high 24/7, but at least it won't kill you, assuming you aren't smoking it. i can also say i haven't fallen and smashed my face at all since switching. and... perhaps the best thing of all, no withdrawal. no vomiting at all. i may not necessarily feel very fulfilled using it... but not having withdrawals alone makes it a legitimate alternative in my mind. and nobody will smell anything if you've been eating edibles or vaping. and if you've been vaping, it only takes a couple hours to come down... as opposed to 12+ hours if i'm really smashed from drinking. | replacing alcohol with weed? | 7tjhuk | sorry for being a lurker...but i quit drinking 5.5 years ago, spent 6 months totally clean, and then reengaged with cannabis. it was hard at first being totally clean, but then having the weed made me feel like i still had an escape, but it just wasn’t as harmful. harm reduction. i am not interested in completely living life on life’s terms, so weed helps me have my cake and eat it too. frankly, i’m never going back to booze. the further away i get from it, the more i realize i just can’t handle it and it made me act like an idiot. just my experience though. | cripplingalcoholism | 7tjhuk |
i'm going to be incredibly blunt here, and i'm in no position of power to enforce anything or take an official stance, so take it as a rant or whatever. this is entirely from my perspective. this subreddit, in my view, is for our fellow aspies to help each other come over our common obstacles and even our not so common obstacles; as well as i place of enlightenment so that we may learn just how much we are both hindered and assisted by our condition. occasionally an interest thread my pop up and give us all a bit of extra insight into something. the issue i have is appear to be attempting to claim this subreddit as a staging platform for your personal blog. i have just hit 5 running posts on my front page, all to different articles on your blog. if you want us to read your blog, introduce it, and yourself to us, make us aware of what you are trying to achieve, what the blog is specifically about, etc. even then, only post links to any particularly large posts which grant insight, not random thoughts; or even better, let someone else post them. as it stands now you just appear (to me) to be attention seeking and/or karma whoring. if anyone else has anything at all to say on this, please feel free to add it below. edit: please keep it civil. edit 2: wow peeps, seriously calling him out on not replying to a post less than 4 hours old? people sleep and work ya know. here is his reply. edit 3: this was resolved a while ago. there is now no need to continue this. | an open note to /u/aspiewarrior | yncep | how in the hell is a guy with 38 karma "karma whoring?" he probably posts more original content than 99% of reddit ever has, for that matter. maybe you don't like the content. well, downvote it. it seems people have already chosen that option how is a guy with 0 karma points on almost all of his posts making it to your front page? does reddit work differently for you than everybody else? if you did get 5 running posts by the same guy on your front page, how much does it harm you to scroll 3 extra inches down your screen? even if this guy had the worst intentions in the world, he would still be merely "attempting" to use this subreddit as a staging platform for his personal blog. i would suggest you think long and hard over what you are allowing yourself to get worked up about. does aspiewarrior have the problem here? it doesn't seem like it to me. | aspergers | yncep |
so around a month ago i overdosed, not to die or to hurt myself, but just because i was having a meltdown and felt i needed to be hospitalized. i took myself to the er and didnt end up getting hospitalized. since that happened, my therapist insists that i need a higher level of care and is making me do a dbt group. if i dont do that group, i am not allowed to see him anymore. i dont feel the group is best for me, because group settings upset me so so much, i always end up having a meltdown, and i feel like it would do more harm than good. despite this i would still be will to do a group only if i could keep it separate and not have the therapists talk - but that is not an option. im pretty frustrated because i feel like he is only forcing me into this group in cover his ass in case i hurt myself - which i am not going to. im doing better than i ever have. i have no suicidal thoughts, im enrolled in school for the first time in a long time, i have a job, i volunteer, all that good stuff. im trying to get him to compromise with me, but he will not budge. i understand his perspective, but i feel like he doesnt 100% understand mine (i can go into detail of why i dont want this group if anyone wants). as as therapist what would you do in this situation? ive been seeing him for a year, hes really the only person in my life that i can trust and talk to. just the thought of getting a new therapist upsets me. | do you think my therapist being 100% reasonable? what would you do? | c5yc6p | your therapist is ethically bound to demonstrate you are making progress and if not, what steps are being taken to support you. after a suicide attempt (whether your intent was to die or not what you did is still classified as an attempt) it appears that your current treatment plan isn’t enough to support you. your therapist could be fined or lose their license for *not*taking these steps. dbt groups are wonderful ways to add skills while you continue to work with your individual therapist. good luck to you! | askatherapist | c5yc6p |
we recently got engaged, i was always sure i was going to marry him and now all i notice is all the failed marriage around us and how people seem to change. i am scared we will have kids and end up splitting up and hating each other. i am only worried because i have seen it happen so often. is this normal and should i bring it up with him? | i (20f) am wondering how to bring up a question with my boyfriend(25m) | 1u2dt6 | if you can't bring it up with him you shouldn't even think about marrying him. | relationship_advice | 1u2dt6 |
age: 26 sex: female height: 5.3 weight: 121.25 race: hispanic because of a candida overgrowth i'm experiencing in my gut and causing me lots of issues lately, my doctor prescribed me fluconazole 150mg (1 pill once a week for a period of 6 months) + a very strict diet that pretty much restricts most sugars/carbs/everything that feeds the candida i have + probiotic supplements. the thing is i'm under birth control and i'm not sure if taking this pill for that long could cause the pill to decrease it's effects and put me at risk of getting pregnant, which is not in my plans right now. taking this pill only once a week during 6 months could make my birth control to fail? do i have to use extra protection? thank you! | do i have to use protection while taking this medication? | bgyuy6 | the interaction isn't my area of expertise. i can find both sources saying that fluconazole does decrease hormonal birth control levels and that the decrease isn't significant. the bigger concern i have is that candida overgrowth and candida hypersensitivity are largely made-up illnesses popularized by alternative medicine (i.e. quacks). candida can cause infection, but only in people who have seriously damaged immune systems. the two risks for you are that you are treating a questionable problem with a real medication, which carries risks, and that you are missing the actual cause of the problem. | askdocs | bgyuy6 |
so a little backstory first. i had this girlfriend for about 10 months in total. recently i broke up because of many reasons, but to keep it short i ended it mainly because of unfairness in our relationship. she could have so many wrongs yet excuse herself with her depression etc. if i on the otherhand had a small issue she would reconsider our whole relationship, each and every time. i was too "tiering" for her when i faced some obstacles. i really loved this girl and thought she was the one. the whole situation is just really sad. we were so good to eachother when things were good. we had a great sex life and it was almost like a dream. until we stumbled upon an obstacle. she was weak, really weak. she never wanted to solve problems, and even when we did solve them she still didn't believe that they would be fixed. so i took the decision to just end it rather then being put on hold. we've broken up once before being that she was the one who ended it. same story, different issues. 3 months later she came back asking for me to take her back. its fucking hard when you love a person to not take them back, even though you know thats probably for the best. so i took her back that time hoping that this time things would be different (cliché to think, i know), she even promised to never re-do that to me. she always took me for granted, i treated her really good. i dont drink, i dont smoke, i dont even go out and party anymore (some may say thats a bad thing lol). i just try to live a "clean" life. relationships is really a big thing for me, for me its to give yourself entirely to another person. and for them to give themselves back. you may say that my way of thinking is conservative and that was common maybe in the 40's or 50's, but thats just how i am. i just really want genuine love and something thats strong and real. you may also say that i am too young to think this way and that i should "live my life" first. that doesn't change anything for me. and i've spoken to my mother about all of this and she says that i am way too real and authentic for this world, that this kind of realness could potentially hurt me because we live in a different time where people are all selfish and that there are only few people like me left. she says that i need to change my morals and standards to "fit" in. that i need to learn the "rules" of the game. i dont wannabe a fake person reddit, i really like me and i think that most people would be lucky to have me in their life. is that a douchey thing to say? it might be, but it is true. so i'm asking you reddit, is it true that authenticism will backfire nowadays? do i need to change as a person? all these questions are making me insecure and i think i might develop major trust issues also. also excuse all the messy text, but i tried to explain as much as possible for you to understand my situation better. tl;dr : people tell me i am too real for this world and that it can hurt me, i've had one relationship to prove this. is it true that realness can turn on you nowadays, do i need to change? | i [19/m] got told by my mother that i am too "real" and that it would turn on me. is this true? | 5oiq04 | be authentic. be you. doesn't mean to put 100% of you out there all the time. but whatever you put out there, keep it genuine. | relationship_advice | 5oiq04 |
y dutch boyfriend came to visit surprime me for a week. his flight back to amsterdam had a stop of 15 hours in london and he has to go to school tomorrow and he would arrive all tired and zombie to university and his job, i did not want this for him so i looked up a flight from london to amsterdam so he could arrive home today, i did find one and i bought for him so he did not have to wait all that time without sleeping or little and very uncomfortable sleeping at the airport (he had no money for a hotel or anything). the thing is that he got home a few hours ago and i was obviously happy that he would get the rest and sleep he needs for tomorrow. out of the blue he told me that he had been talking during the whole flight with this girl, that he helped her with her stuff and that she asked his facebook when they landed. he said he mentioned me in their conversation but the fact that he actually gave it to her made me super jealous, i mean why would he do that? it's not like he really knows her. also he is super jealous. i am mexican and whenever i am with him in europe he does not let me go because for some reason europeans find me attractive (i do not consider myself attractive or pretty or anything tbh), he on the other hand is handsome. i am quite sure that if the situation was backwards he would also be super jelly and upset, he says he wouldn't but i know him and he would, especially over the fact of me giving my facebook to a guy who has been talking to me during the whole trip which makes him a hypocrite. i have told some friends about this and many say he disrespected me which makes me feel even worse. i feel like i need an objective opinion from you guys. please help and sorry for the long text. tl;dr boyfriend visited me and i bought him a ticket earlier so he could be fresh at uni. he met a girl on the plane and she asked his facebook which he agreed to give her. he would lose his mind if i did the same. | i need help about jealousy and to know if it’s blinding my reasoning or i’m right to be upset f(24) m(24) | 76yb0a | social media is not cheating. you either trust him or you don't. | relationship_advice | 76yb0a |
i’m a bit of an anxious person as is. my baby is 4 months old. i breast feed and formula feed. a good friend of mine has a baby and has been using thc oil almost daily since her baby was 3 months old (she breastfeeds). she claims that she has done several drug screens of her breast milk and they have all been negative. she also claims it’s perfectly safe and has no effect on her baby. for what it’s worth, her 1 year old is extremely intelligent, independent and talkative. would it be safe for me to try this? maybe not daily, but once in a while? will it transfer to my breast milk? if so, for how long? will it effect my child and if so, how? | does medical grade (clean) thc oil transfer to breast milk? and if so, how will it effect my baby? | b12n8f | u/highrhymes has given good advice here, but i'll chime in and agree. there's very limited data on thc exposure in children, particularly infrequent rather heavy use. that said, everything we know points to thc being not good for neurological development in adolescents, and there's no reason to think it would be better for infants. my advice, similarly, would be to completely avoid thc. it's possible that the amount transmitted in breast milk is low enough and that there is a threshold below which it has no effect, but we don't know that. it may be safe. it probably is mostly safe, most of the time. but it's a completely avoidable risk, so why not avoid it? | askdocs | b12n8f |
there have been a few times when i'm talking to someone, and i mention something that they told me some time ago. i don't just bring it out of the blue, but for example, if we're talking about college, i'll say something like "you want to major in mechanical engineering, right?" sometimes they appreciate me remembering but other times i get a weird look and a quick "yeah." just recently i was texting a girl. about 2 days before she posted on her snapchat story that she was on a road trip. she had gotten back when i was texting her, so i asked her how her trip was, but i got no reply. was it weird to ask that? | is it weird or creepy to bring up things that you remember about a person you're talking to? | 6p8mbo | i think it's a great thing! it shows you've been paying attention and care enough about the person to commit a detail about them to memory. however, especially with younger people, social media transcending into real life can feel a little awkward. like, people spend so much time on social media and love people to acknowledge their posts and things, but i don't know if i've ever heard someone take something that has happened on social media and then begin a conversation about it in person. i'm not saying it's wrong inherently, but society as a whole is still figuring out how to navigate their online and real lives, so it could be a slight faux pas. one way to make the transition a little easier might be to phrase your comment like "hey i saw on (whatever social media) that you did such and such, how was it?" but to answer your question, i don't think you did anything wrong and if she decided from that one single interaction that she didn't like you anymore, than that's petty as fuck. if she had in fact lost interest, it was due to a combination of things over time or maybe she was never that interested in the first place. if someone i liked asked me about something i posted on social media, i would love it - faux pas or not. don't stress about it too much, you're overthinking! | socialskills | 6p8mbo |
i've been in different forms of therapy for over 8 years, i've seen psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, couples counselors, some were little more than charletons, most were credible with methods like emdr and cbt (current therapist) i have a history of being an abuser and through years of therapy i have stopped insulting, yelling, verbally abusing my romantic partner. it still cost me my marriage, as it should have. &#x200b; however i am still unable to get into an argument with my romantic partner (and this only happens with my romantic partner) without having my fight or flight response happening. due to therapy i've found its likely due to my own abuse as a child from my mother. &#x200b; but i still can't seem to help getting short of breath, adrenaline running, fight or flight response. i will either fight in the form of suggesting we break up, or flight by removing myself from the situation i.e. walking away. this obviously causes its own problems, it has caused my last relationship to implode, and even though i am still in therapy (cbt), it doesn't seem to be helping. i also practice mindfulness meditation and trying to be aware of my emotions as much as i can, but during arguments that doesn't seem to help, i try to pull myself out of my head and be aware that i'm having a fight or flight response but it just doesn't help, i find it intolerable and have to leave. &#x200b; does anyone have suggestions about what form of therapy i can pursue to help this? thank you for your time. | been in therapy for 8+ years and still can't seem to make progress, looking for suggestions re: fight or flight response | d3udcg | hello! therapist here offering you some tips. you will want to be careful about redirecting the anger; letting anger out into a pillow, like /u/thegreatbigock suggested is what we call a cathartic response, and can implicitly associate your potential relief from doing it with aggressive behavior. over time, it has the potential to promote more aggressive behaviors. (you associate feeling better with punching/hitting/etc.) have you heard about the fair fighting rules? it can be pretty useful in couples work: it outlines how and when arguments take place and sets the stage for a healthy discussion about heated topics or disagreements. you can look it up online. if you both agree to it and stick to it, that might be helpful in avoiding the trigger events related to arguing. you probably associate some of the tell-tale signs of "we are in an argument" from your life experiences (e.g.; voice raising, fingers wagging, stronger posture, etc.) mindfulness can be pretty helpful, like you've been using, regarding the fight/flight response you describe. recognizing when you are too emotionally heightened, acknowledging it, and stepping away to allow the emotion to subside can be super helpful in an argument. you can combine this idea with the fair fighting rules to add in your own spin to it: perhaps a statement or agreement to revisit the argument after the emotional reaction has subsided. cbt is def. a good approach for managing the thought process related to all of this. perhaps approaching it a different way with your therapist might help? there are many different ways to implement cbt. practice with your therapist might be useful here. good luck! | mentalhealth | d3udcg |
honestly what a poor sub to test that crap out on. brilliant idea: let’s test a feature involving frantic unorganized discussions on a sub full of autistic people that have problems with that type of thing! i can’t even look at posts with live discussion because of how much it bothers me. i’m feeling shut out of this sub because the majority of the posts are now live discussion and i and everyone else it bothers can no longer interact with a ton of posts on here. i am contemplating leaving this sub and i know a lot of others are doing the same. this was one of the few safe havens for me on here and that has been completely wrecked. i apologize for harsh language but honestly what a stupid ass decision. | mods: please stop the live discussion posts | dq0020 | i feel exactly the same. seriously one of the worst subs to test this out on. the only positive is that it might finally cure me of my reddit obsession bc i am so averse to it. | aspergers | dq0020 |
something has always been off and i have seen multiple therapists over the years, but none of them have told me what's wrong with me. after 10 years of (i suspect) depression and 5 years of suicide ideation, i know there is something wrong. i say 'suspect' because no one has diagnosed me with depression, even though a psychiatrist prescribed me zoloft in college. i declined, because i thought it was fishy that upon my first meeting with him he prescribed me medication without officially diagnosing me. who do i speak to in the mental health community that can tell me what's going on? | who diagnoses things? | 852q6e | therapists, phd psychologists, and psychiatrists can make diagnoses. depression is typically pretty obvious and easy to assess for. i would suggest seeing a therapist, letting them know you would like to pursue a diagnosis in order to name what you have been feeling is 'off' for such a long time. they will likely do an assessment that will take anywhere from one hour to 3 sessions to complete. they may ask you to do some testing as well. after all that you should schedule a session to review their diagnoses that they think you meet criteria for, and give you recommendations for therapy and/or treatment. | mentalhealth | 852q6e |
to an extent, this is me, and many other socially challenged people i've met. it's called [social rejection sensitivity](WEBLINK). look into it. knowing this has helped me and i want it to help you who were unfairly rejected (which is everyone who has ever been rejected who isn't an asshole) | sound familiar? reluctant to express opinions, tend to avoid arguments or controversial discussions, are reluctant to make requests or impose on others, are easily hurt by negative feedback from others, and tend to rely too much on familiar others and situations so as to avoid rejection | 6c89kf | i think this can often be a piece of avoidant personality disorder, if these feelings result in avoidance. they certainly do for me. i thought i'd mention this in case anyone finds it may fit for them as well; exploring these things has helped me to find some direction with figuring out how to overcome it. | socialskills | 6c89kf |
i'm a 23 y/o woman in a doctoral program. currently i am paying my own tuition via loans and scholarship, but still rely on my parents for most other expenses, including health insurance (i live in the u.s.). my parents have been financially supportive throughout my academic journey, but i have had a rocky relationship with my mother, who is highly critical and somewhat emotionally abusive. she is generally very well-intentioned, and i believe her behaviors come from unaddressed mental health issues of her own. currently i am diagnosed with adhd (my mom often reminds me how much my medication costs), but i also have a family history and several symptoms consistent with depression. the people who are closest to me think i am probably (very slightly) on the autistic spectrum. lately i've been thinking a lot about the future, specifically about whether i ever want a family of my own. growing up, i found my home environment very stressful. my mental health improved dramatically as soon as i left for college out-of-state, and to this day even short visits home put me back in my old space of feeling over-stimulated, out of control, and deeply guilty. the more time i spend with my immediate family, the more i appreciate the civility and emotional distance of the academic and professional world. there's a part of me that's drawn toward creating a loving family of my own someday, but i also suspect that i might just... not be emotionally cut out for family life? most of the things that bothered me in the past weren't clearly abusive. i don't know the fine details of what's normal in a family. what's a normal amount of conflict between a parent and a teenage child? what about between siblings? are raised voices on a busy weeknight normal? is it normal for a parent to yell at a child for "letting" the dog knock something off a counter, or for being too shy to ask a teacher for help with an assignment? no family is perfect, but where exactly does "imperfect" cross the line into "toxic?" my home always felt (to me) like an angry, loud, high-stress environment, where i was essentially paralyzed until i escaped to a cafe or library somewhere to clear my head and actually get some work done. but how much of that was avoidable? i need to see someone to figure out how much was the tone my mom set, and how much was my own reaction to the way that most families are. if i can expect the same sort of environment from my future home, i doubt i could be a very good mother. if i can be part of a happy family, i'd like to do that. if not, i can build a good life alone: i love being alone with books and ideas, and i'm going into a career where i'll be helping people. as long as i can keep up a few solid friendships, i'll be fine. it's not an acute situation, but it's something i need to figure out before i can plan my career path in more detail or get into a serious relationship with anyone. so, obviously, i want to figure it out as soon as possible. anyway, i want to see a therapist mostly because of that, and to figure out what my actual diagnosis should be. i also want to work on communication skills, time management, and overall emotional wellbeing. the biggest problem is that my family would have to pay for it. my dad is self-employed, so our family's health insurance comes through my mom's job. her plan has a high deductible, so any care i seek would probably come out of my parents' pocket. my family is decently well-off (sort of upper-middle class), but both of my parents think psychology is "kind of a made-up field" (i minored in it). they more or less laughed me off when i suggested my mom should see someone about a specific, deeply traumatic even in her past. i feel like in order for my parents to support me seeing a therapist, i would have to paint my situation as more serious than what it is, and i'm not comfortable with that. what i'm getting at, in a roundabout way, is that i want to see a therapist, largely about my relationship with my mother, and i don't want my mother to know or have to pay for it. my university has emergency mental health resources, but that's not really my situation. i earn a little money through tutoring and odd jobs, but nothing substantial. what i'm probably going to do is wait until i finish my degree and have a good income of my own, but are there any free/inexpensive resources i can use in the meantime? any good books on family dynamics? any advice is appreciated! | i'm in my 20s and still on my parents' insurance. is there a way for me to see a therapist confidentially? | ekngd7 | as someone who works with a lot of low-income individuals/students, here are some ideas: 1. the open path collective ([openpathcollective.org](WEBLINK)) is super awesome. you can type in your zip code and it will show you a directory of therapists who offer some of their slots to clients who have difficulty paying regular rates for one reason or another. generally they are between $30-60 a session. that's all private pay too, so no insurance involved whatsoever and completely private. a lot of insurance plans have higher copays than that. there is a fee you pay to the site to sign up and get matched with someone, but it's a one-time fee lifetime membership. you can always go back to it if you find you have financial concerns in the future as well. 2. see what types of universities around you have masters or doctoral programs for psychotherapy. some run community clinics where students will practice therapy skills and interventions for low to no cost. one of the clinics near to me i refer to for clients who can't afford my own discounts: i believe here it's either $15 a session or whatever you make an hour (whatever is less). 3. your university counseling center might have connections to alumni or other places that would agree to take on students outside of the university scope for a low rate. i every now and then will take a client from a local uni. you never know who they might know. 4. nobody ever asks if any local private therapists have low-cost or pro-bono slots open. it never hurts to ask. we have an ethical duty to keep a small portion of our case load low-to-no cost. 5. check out local agency offices or facebook boards for any possible groups! group therapy has a much lower cost-to-entry. you won't get individualized treatment as much, no, but you can work out some things in a supportive group environment with other people going through some similar things. plus some of 'em are fun. 6. local behavioral health facilities sometimes have outpatient departments that work on sliding scales. the wait times are generally long and the quality might not be as high, but it will be low cost. it can be useful for clients whose concerns are not as acute or chronically debilitating. | mentalhealth | ekngd7 |
my girlfriend has started saying to he how small her friend has gotten since she started dieting and working out. i have recommended if she is unhappy with her body she should join me on my diet and come to the gym with me, but she refused saying she is embarrassed to go to the gym. what should i do or say to her? it's becoming annoying hearing her complain about her friend getting skinnier. | girlfriend (f/22) keeps complaining about how skinny her friend has gotten, i (m/22) don't know what to say to her | 5vz3cb | the friend should see a doc to rule out anorexia | relationship_advice | 5vz3cb |
age: 20 sex: m height: 6 ft. weight: 176 lbs race: caucasian duration of complaint: permanent. location: canada (physically... brain) my father is inherently skitzophrenic, i've shown no signs of this illness or mental duress but the issue is genetic, i hear smoking weed is a trigger for skitzophrenia, is this true? or should i be fine if i want to smoke pot with a cousin? | is smoking weed while my father is skitzo~effective dangerous? | hs67rq | i strongly recommend against it. the studies looking at marijuana and risk lean towards marijuana probably triggering lasting psychosis (schizophrenia) in people who have high family risk and who might not otherwise develop schizophrenia. that's not a guarantee that it would cause terrible harm, but it's an elevated risk of serious harm. why take that? | askdocs | hs67rq |
hey guys, my boyfriend (22m) of 4 years came out as curious to be trans. he has been into trans porn and especially reading erotica, which i ( 22m) am aware of and totally okay with. when he told me he was curious about being trans i was 100% unsure but 100% supportive. he's been seeing a gender specialist and its been a long journey of figuring out if he is. now he confronted me that he wants to start hormone treatment and grow out his hair. about to graduate college and unsure about where we will both end up. this makes me very unsure. as selfish as it is, i want to be supportive but still i dont want him to go through with it. i also do not want to make it "if you go through with it then i don't want to date a woman" ultimatum. but i feel like i cant be vocal about this. does this make me straight? i don't want to deal with all of everyone quesioning us/me. i had a rough time coming out as gay and my family, after 8 years. is now coming to terms with it and i feel as if this "coming out" of my boyfriend being trans makes me confused about myself and him. i love him, i don't know if i'll love her. tl;dr gay bf (22m) curious about being trans, i (22m) supportive but now he is jumping the gun and wants to start hormone treatment and growing his hair. i'm confused and feel like he is rushing but cant say my actual opinion without seeming like an ass. | need advice, boyfriend (22m) wants to be trans, confused. [serious] | 5o72zu | usually therapy is part of any transition process, so hopefully he'll have professional guidance and do the right thing | relationship_advice | 5o72zu |
so i (19f) have been seeing or dating this guy (23m) for about 2 months now, i know age isn't a problem since our mutual friend set us up. he and i have gotten serious moving to the next step and a month and half later i ask what we are and he said he's been through some tough stuff and that he hasn't thought about it that much.which he has including surgery and so i respect that. but is he just pushing off telling me how he really feels and not wanting to actually make this a relationship? i just don't wanna be made a fool out of myself for liking this guy so much | is he playing me | 5vp2zd | always be direct about feelings. tell him what you feel; ask what he feels; go from there | relationship_advice | 5vp2zd |
i've been really depressed and feeling really alone for a very long time. i want to talk to someone right now, someone i don't know who isn't going to judge me, but i'm scared to call a mental health line. i'm not suicidal... and i worry i would be taking needed resources from someone who is.... and i'm scared that they would somehow get me to say i was suicidal and find out where i live and come commit me. i am not close to my family, i don't have a lot of friends these days, i am single... i'm my only source of financial security and it i can't work i can't pay my bills... also anyone i've ever seen go to a mental hospital only comes back worse than when they left... i just want to talk to someone... i just need someone to tell me everything is going to be alright... even if it isn't... i've worked so hard for most of my life and now i'm just so exhausted and depressed... and lonely... i don't know what to do... | i'm scared to call a mental health line | e1jad0 | hello! i do some shifts on the suicide lifeline. feel free to give us a buzz. we are only there to listen and provide help as best we can. we do not judge who decides to call us. as long as you aren't excessively mean to us we are happy to listen and let you talk about what's going on. if you are not actively suicidal or trying to hurt yourself we generally do not try to get anybody involved to come find you. you will find we will ask you those questions though, and we just ask that you are honest. if you have any other questions about the suicide lifeline id be happy to answer. | mentalhealth | e1jad0 |
im 60, on a disability for bipolar (manic + depress) for 17 yrs. took me 8 yrs to get meds right. i still cant work (i volunteer), divorced 5 yrs ago. stay hypomanic ... else slip to depressed.. 3 yrs ago, met woman onlin. for 3 years my only, she had my heart, kept me manic, drained my pension & savings over $50k. when i poked, then pushed for a "repayment plan" *poof* in one text, "diff directions". no face, no.voice. a. week later, all corresp 'thru my lawyer". more#1: she is an lcsw & msw. no schmo. more#2: shes a big shot, published books, speaks at natl conf's, first name basis with famous experts. she mentors jr counselors getting certificates. consultant w/travel. more#3. i showed her my manic danger (few years back i gave $30k to dancer, little here little there). this july i had "depr event", at xmas i warned gf i was in bleak period. i setup joint counseling (to break us up "gently") but after one session, she ghosted me, dumped by text, lawyered up. had it been down cycle, i should have been suicidal. instead, up cycle, i've been on 8 week manic anxiety. for 2 years i warned her not to do this. she treats bipolars all week, lets me advise her on some.tools & tricks. she knows all of this, but did it to me anyway can i file a professional complaint. an lcsw? can i inform emploers/ conferences) can i persue my $40k? add pain & suffering? she targeted me, fleeced me, dumped me. if nothing else i feel an obligation to warn others she is a "black widow" girlfriend , dont date her. | professional complaint? maybe a lawsuit? | fkma45 | anything you could do would have to be personal. nothing you described related to her legal or professional obligations. you would have to say what code she violated. this was a personal relationship. typically , the board looks at complaints from patients and other professionals. you used other professions as examples, but those examples involved legal violations. you would have to talk to an attorney about whether the financial issue constitutes elder abuse , but you said it was because you were manic, not elderly. | askatherapist | fkma45 |
i think i have a very deluded idea of what dating/married life is like. could you give me percentage wise of how much time you spend with your so while dating then afterwards in your marriage? are you ok with it? **edit: thanks for the huge amount of responses! i think what i meant was: how much quality time do you spend with your so/spouse, not so much passive time.** | married redditors: how much time do you spend with your so? | 1nuhna | married 21 years. it's tough to put into a percentage, but generally after work we spend an hour or so on the sofa watching tv (don't let anyone tell you this is not spending time together.) we go out once or twice a week without our son. we eat meals together. we spend much of the weekend together, but alone time is also important. even though we may be in the same house or same room, we also spend a great deal of time doing things on our own. our interests are pretty different and it would drive me insane if my wife expected that we were to be together every waking minute. | relationship_advice | 1nuhna |
i’ve seen a cognitive behavioral therapist in the past on and off for about 4 years, it helped momentarily but my problems were deeper than cbt could handle. now i’ve been seeing a psychoanalyst since the end of january, beginning of february 2018, but nothing feels different except my impatience and frustration levels with her have been growing. i don’t feel like i am moving forward, i don’t feel like i know what i’m doing and her response is always just “come in and talk about whatever, you need to be patient, working through your trauma takes a long time, years.” how long do people usually see psychoanalysts? shouldn’t i feel better, at least a little, instead of progressively worse after a session? i was looking for relief, advice, tools to handle my depression/anxiety/trauma but i just feel more lost than before... how do you know it’s working? am i expecting too much at this stage? i need some advice because i am losing hope | how long to see a psychoanalyst? | 8slpfe | from the timeline you've provided, it seems like depression/trauma responses have been in your life for a long time, perhaps your entire life. it's not a perfect comparison, but if i showed you a "before" picture of someone clearly unhealthy (either extremely overweight or underweight) which was the result years or a lifetime of unhealthy eating and the after picture of someone who appeared athletic, toned, and healthy, how long would you expect that progress to take? i would expect at the very least one year. the same is true for life long thought patterns, defense mechanisms, and beliefs about ourselves that haven't been serving out highest good. it takes time. these patterns have taken years to become engrained it will sometimes take years to change them. the physically unhealthy person is not going to appear healthy and vibrant in a few weeks or months. it will take them months to lose or gain the proper amount of weight and then more months to rebuild muscle. i will say that i often hear people complain about non-directive "go with the flow" therapists that don't challenge or ask very many questions even of their clients. if this is the case with your therapist i recommend confronting that issue, that you don't feel challenged. she might not be a confrontational type of therapist, in which case i would look for a different therapist. | depression | 8slpfe |
my therapist asked me to think of reasons why i shouldn't self-harm. she compared it to addiction recovery. often, alcoholics, for example, will only find the motivation to quit when they realize their behavior is harming other people. this provides them an 'external motivation' to quit drinking. but, if your activity isn't harming anyone, it's harder to quit because you have to look internally for motivations. so, why is *self*\-harming bad? i'm very careful when i cut (or burn), so physical problems (infections, nerve damage, etc) are unlikely. self-harm gives me a feeling of power, control, and calm. but, i also feel like i'm doing something wrong when i do it, the problem is that i can't quite put my finger on exactly why it is wrong. i wondered if any of you wonderful people had some insights. edit: thanks to everyone for responding. hopefully this discussion will be useful to someone else out there too. i will keep reading any responses that come in, but if i don’t reply going forward, know that i read what you wrote and that i am grateful for your perspective and advice. | how to find the 'internal motivation' to not self-harm? | e67k9x | this is how i see it. i don’t think that self harm is intrinsically “bad” for any global reason. for me it’s about thinking about what my values and goals are in life and whether or not self harm lines up with that. one thing i value about myself is that i am a gentle and peaceful person, and self harm isn’t in line with that value. i also have a goal of making peace with my body, and self harm isn’t in line with that either. so i don’t do it anymore. i’m coming up on seven years now. the first year was the hardest, when it was still a reflex that i had to fight. now the idea is there but it’s mostly no longer the first idea that comes into my head and it’s easier to turn away. i also made a deal with myself that it’s ok to make the decision to self harm but i can only make the decision when i am calm and not triggered. so when i am triggered and i have urges, i tell myself that i can always decide to start self harming again, but only after i’m calm. usually by the time i’m calm i don’t have the desire to change my mind anymore and the urge passes. i find that easier than saying i’m never going to self harm again. i’m in control of the decision to self harm or not, but i can only shift paths when i’m in my wise place. | mentalhealth | e67k9x |
day if someone didn't flush either their number 1 or 2 and it happens to splash up the hole. also if the penis happens to touch the rim or toilet seat where someone is infected with anything, std, hiv, anything. | is it possible to catch any disease from the toilet | 8m1w3t | conceivably yes, but you're probably more likely to catch an infection from a doorknob, then touching your mouth or eyes or nose or food. the world is full of viruses and bacteria, and skin is very rarely the way diseases get in. | askdocs | 8m1w3t |
so here goes nothing. i'm in a relationship with my girlfriend for three years and just recently about 3 months ago we had our child. we have plans on getting married and the whole nine, but recently she admitted she cheated on me once. let me explain. during the beginning of her pregnancy she was actually extremely mad at me because of it. even to the extent to where she broke up with me for roughly 2 months, now during those 2 months she was completely avoiding me and telling me we were never getting back together. for some reason i had a feeling that during that time she was seeing someone. and she was, she admitted to me she "made out" with the guy and they saw each other frequently during this time. she said they only "made out" once ,but once they left one another he would kiss her on the cheek. she tells me she feeling like the worst mother and person in existence because of it, she says it wasn't her, she did it because she came out pregnant and to extent was trying to forget it all. i told her i forgive her, but sometimes i think about it and it infuriates me and kills me, during the time she was doing that i was trying to find ways to win her back and was actually buying a engagement ring. she did tell me she stopped it as soon as she became sane and she says she thinks about it constantly and regrets it all with ever inch of her. and she swore on her life she would never do anything remotely close to that ever again. but it still haunts me, trying to forget what she's done. i want to believe her, i want to be with her because she does make me happy and she is a very important person in my life, and she's the mother of my daughter. but i don't know how to deal with the constant image and what if she isn't telling me the whole story. (the child is 100% mine) | should i forgive her, and how do i? | 67me1k | trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. when trust is broken one of three things can happen. you can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. the ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. that's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. it's just deeply personal. | relationship_advice | 67me1k |
previous post: WEBLINK so thanks to you great people i now know what to do if i were to decide to end our relationship, which is to lawyer up and get separation/custody agreements in place for the sake of our children. but the problem is deciding whether or not it's time to give up and move on. i do want to provide a little bit of context, just to see if it helps. i'm being cheated on. it's a guarantee. she has been caught, and she has apologized profusely for it. i do think she's genuinely remorseful, and does actually love me. but here's the problem. i think she loves the other guy also and just doesn't realize it. or to be more realistic, she knows she loves him, but she denies it to me. like the original post first stated, the cheating had been going on for a few months, and it was with one of her coworkers. i had suspected it for a while because of the change in her behavior, but i never really had any evidence until late may, when i saw messages and images on her phone that made it perfectly clear she was involved in a secret relationship with this guy. still, i had no actual proof that they were physical because she denied ever being physical to the bitter end, however she did completely admit to the emotional cheating, which is just as bad, but did apologize for that. immediately after that, things changed with her. right away i noticed she was a different person. she was more attentive to me and to our children. she stopped going out after work. she gave me access to her phone. she stopped texting and calling this guy (i was able to verify this). however there was still 2 big problems. 1) she still worked at the same place. not a lot she can do about that, although admittedly she did begin to actively look for employment elsewhere. the second issue is that she used her employment with him as a justification to not delete him from social media (fb, ig, and snapchat, sigh) because she feared it would create an awkward work environment, and that he was "crazy" so she didn't want any drama. she never really ever elaborated on these "crazy" and "work drama" claims, and attempts by me for her to clarify only resulted in us fighting, so i usually dropped the argument. unfortunately, i could never let it go, so any time i noticed that she would send him a snapchat message, i would get angry and a fight would ensue. however she would never delete/block him, and instead turned everything around on me to where i would feel bad even arguing with her. this went on for a few weeks. literally every since argument we had was because of her continued interaction with this guy. it's like, how the fuck does she not see that, given what has happened, she needs to remove him from her life? anyway, fast forward to last week. after about a month of trying she finally landed a new job that she is very excited about, so this would be her last week at her current job. another big bombshell. she was careless and forgot to delete an sms thread between her and this guy from that day, and i have all but confirmed that a) they have been talking a lot the entire time, and b) they have been physical (because they spoke about in via sms). i flipped out of course. but again, she continues to deny being physical and will not budge. even after me telling her "girlfriend, if you had sex with him i can forgive you for that, but i really need you to be honest and stop lying because i cannot forgive that!". but she insists that they didn't have sex. here's my "proof" from what i saw on her phone. in the sms she invited him over to our home for sex after work because she knew nobody would be home. what she is telling me is that he did come over, but they didn't have sex because she started crying and couldn't go through with it. she's sticking to her same story that they have never had sex, but thought they might be able to today since it was her official last day of work, so kind of like a last hurrah for them. however the conversation via sms wasn't consistent with that story, because they were talking like people who have had sex before several times, it even referenced a time earlier in that week that they had sex (i can't believe i'm sitting here typing this, wondering if this is still worth fighting for lol). in fact, in this same thread they were even bickering like an actual couple lol (he was acting jealous over a third guy from their job lol), and this girl has a boyfriend with 3 freaking kids! so guys, this is pretty clear. it's hitting on the fucking jaw. but tell me why i fucking forgave her again and believed her?! we had a weekend trip planned the following day, which came close to disintegrating because of this, but we talked things through and went through with the trip. again, she was extremely remorseful and cried like i have never seen her cry before, but she maintains that she has never had sex with him. she can't possibly be this stupid, or think that i am stupid enough to believe this, right? i am basically telling to just admit and i will forgive her, but she refuses to, and in fact says "meme_dad you are just trying to get me to admit because you think it will make you feel better, but it isn't the truth so i'm not going to admit to it". for the record, i don't believe her, but even then i'm not taking any real action (hence why i'm here asking on ra). anyway so we had a pretty great weekend. we had amazing sex, something we haven't had all year. admittedly, the sex we have had this year has not been good. i take partial responsibility because i haven't been exciting enough. though i would argue that the way she's acted pretty much all year has changed me emotionally, and because of that i went from being a confident guy who loves to fuck, to somebody who has developed insecurity problems. but anyway we had great, rough sex, and a lot of it. we spoke about sex, a lot. for the first time she opened up to me about how she just didn't find me exciting and i wasn't pleasing her the way she wanted. which again, was news to me because from my perspective her sex drive has been completely dead this past year. hearing this made me feel a little good because it gave me hope. maybe she's right? maybe this is turning point for us? maybe she's finally going to fucking leave this other guy. so anyway the weekend was great, she told me she wanted me to marry her, the whole nine yards. she told me she only wanted to be with me and doesn't love anybody else, and she is very excited that i am going to be a lot more rough and exciting with her in bed because she has been needing that and hasn't been getting it. like i said, this feels good (almost like a turning point for us), but i fear this might also be a form of manipulation. another thing she does that really confuses me is she still shows an insane amount of jealous towards female friends of mine. i think this might be a big key because i feel like somebody who doesn't love me or has "checked out" of our relationship wouldn't be so jealous about completely petty shit. she gets batshit crazy. am i grasping to a straw here? lol okay so right now we currently stand in a state of "we are going to work things out (again)", but guess what? they are still snapchat friends. she tells me "i will block him, i just need some more time!". like, are you fucking kidding? at this point i'm no longer mad at her, i'm mad at myself for continuously allowing myself to be played and manipulated. but you know what? i feel like i can handle it as long as i somehow know that she truly loves me and is truly going to change. previous to this instance, she never had loyalty issues. but i do understand the saying that "once a cheater, always a cheater". also, i will never see her as my pure girlfriend anymore because i genuinely believed she has fucked this guy. which sucks, but hey, that's life. i can look past that. i guess i just need some opinions, based on everything you have read, do you believe scenario a), which is that she truly loves me and wants to make things work, but is for whatever reason obsessed with this guy and can't seem to quit him? i do honestly suspect that he probably manipulates her, but there's nothing i myself can do about that, that's all on her. she always makes comments about how he's crazy, and he messes with her head, but she's never really specific. or, do you believe scenario b), that she doesn't actually love me and is just keeping me around for her own comfort and convenience. that she's just waiting for the right opportunity to leave me. i do have a good job and i do my own home. without sounding like a dick, i do believe that, at least financially, if we were to split up i would be in a better position than she would. so maybe this is something she thinks about and is why she continues to play with me? i really have no idea. or is there a third scenario i should be looking at? thanks for hearing me out, friends! i feel like i should already know the answers to these question, but the truth is that i do love this woman and she is the mother of my kids, so a big part of me wants to stick through this until the bitter end. i don't think anyway wants to be the person to tell their kids "ultimately i gave up". but i really need advice as to whether this relationship is worth fighting for, or if it's a lost cause. i wish i had friends i can talk to about this, but i don't want people to know our business because it could demonize her, which would suck if we did end up staying together. but maybe that doesn't matter at this point and she should accept any and all ramifications of her actions. anyway, thanks a ton! | [kind of an update from a previous post]i [31m] am being cheated on by my girlfriend [27f] and i don't know if i should pull the plug or fight for our relationship, we have 3 young kids. | 6pecl9 | children are best off with, in this order: 1-happy parents that live together 2-happy parents that don't live together 3-unhappy parents | relationship_advice | 6pecl9 |
dh [37m] is recently out of the military and started school in may. a few weeks ago some girl from school messaged him asking for help with studying and he basically told her "sit down and read". [she's 21, though initially he told me she was "some 18 year old kid] then suddenly they're chatting fb messenger on sundays when he does homework ... fine. then a couple weeks ago, he was pretty drunk and texting her ... i caught a glance of his phone, and it said "i can't. wife. drunk." so i got suspicious. i took his phone and started scrolling up the message (enough to see that selfies were being exchanged) and he took his phone back and cleared his entire text history. [backstory: my last relationship before my husband and i got together ended because my ex met some girl in school and fell in love with her and was cheating on me, but i didn't find out until after i had quit my job and sold my house to get us back in the same state after a few months of long distance, so needless to say i'm a bit sensitive about becoming friends with classmates] i've looked a couple of times since then ... one day they were supposed to meet before class and she was "getting ready" and then blew him off and he sent her a message that said "my time is more valuable than this, i'll see you in class". then a few days later he said she was an "enigma i can't get my head around". then, a couple days ago he texted her and asked her to lunch before class and she declined because of no money. then the next day he texts her and says "tell your brother he doesn't have to drive you, i'll be there in 30" and then there were some texts exchanged during class - she told him "i like your hair" somewhere else in the convo he said "that look is good on you". red flags are flying like crazy for me. we talked last night and he said "i shouldn't have to walk on eggshells that you're going to take my phone and read my messages" ... i reminded him that i'm a bit sensitive about the whole scenario, given what happened a few years ago. he says she's his only friend here (we moved back to my hometown area after his military retirement because i got a great job offer). he has a half-dozen friends here from visiting me / meeting people over the 15 years we've known each other. in the last few weeks he's becoming vocal in a way he never has been before about "i'm content. i'm asexual. i don't even beat off. you have stuff in the drawer to take care of your needs." [we have a 2 year old daughter and used to have sex 4-6x/week; it's been drastically reduced since the end of my pregnancy / since our daughter was born - like, 3x in the last year reduced]. i'm a grown woman who shouldn't be snooping his text messages. i know that. i also feel like if this is just an innocent friendship, he shouldn't be deleting the messages. i want to say something to him today - tell him that i looked at his phone and saw that he deleted the texts. [i know he was texting with her last night] i just don't know how to say anything, because i'm partially in the wrong for checking his phone, but this doesn't feel like he's entirely innocent. [i'm out of town for work next week, and his father/his gf will be here to help with our daughter. i'm trying not to have something blow up before i leave, but i'm sick to my stomach over it all]. we're closing on a construction loan at the end of this month. we've both been burned by cheating in the past and have had a standing rule our entire relationship (married 5 years) that if one of us is so unhappy that we want to cheat, we will tell the other *before* anything happens. i flat out asked him a couple weeks ago if i had anything to be worried about and he said "we're building a house together. we have a kid together. you're stuck with me until you decide to kick me out." | [35f] / [37m] - if nothing to hide, why deleting texts? | 6oullo | you guys need to decide whether you want to be partners or just coparents. if he's voting coparents and you're voting partners, you need to decide how long you'll be putting up with this bullshit. therapy for you, couples therapy for both of you. | relationship_advice | 6oullo |
i want to see a high quality psychiatrist and have the freedom to disclose things (non-violent, potentially non-kosher schedule-wise) without those disclosures biting my ass in the future. mental health stigmas and all that. i have a job with fairly good insurance. what are my avenues? can i request my doctor to sign a non-disclosure agreement? what is my doctor required to disclose to the federal/state (in) government and my insurance company? will i be able to get more privacy if i pay out of pocket, without insurance? | how can i get treatment while creating minimal public records of such treatment? | 491kkj | >i want to see a high quality psychiatrist and have the freedom to disclose things (non-violent, potentially non-kosher schedule-wise) without those disclosures biting my ass in the future. under federal (and most states) law- as well as professional ethics codes- mental health professionals (psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, counselors, etc) are prohibited from disclosing anything about your treatment (or that you are even seeking services) with few exceptions (imminent harm to yourself or others, etc.) if you want to use your insurance, then the provider will need to bill your insurance company. however, these records are also protected by law. | mentalhealth | 491kkj |
we've been together for almost 7 years and married this february for a year. i'll start off with a little background, before we married we discussed the fear he had of having children. (his sister has autism and he's convinced it's genetic, even though she's the only one to have it in his entire family) anyways, in this conversation we had a year plus ago, i naively said that i would be ok if we didn't have kids as long as i had him. but keep in mind that i also offered the option of adoption or maybe even having a sperm donor. fast forward a bit and we're married now. i playfully ask him about when we can get started trying for a baby, and he plays along too,(we've had many conversations like this so in my mind i thought he had a change of heart) but then says, "you know what, i don't think i even want kids at all." so i ask him if it has to do with his sister, as that has always been his excuse. but he now tells me that he doesn't want to bring a child into this ugly world, and that he thinks he won't be a good father. i'm just at a loss for words. this has never been brought up to me until now. i don't know what to do, or how to go about it. i feel like it's my fault and i should blame myself. any advice would help. thanks! | my [28/m] husband of one year told me [27/f] that he doesn't know if he wants kids anymore. what do i do? | 5om5gq | you have to decide if it's a 'deal-breaker' for you. seeing a marriage counselor would help. | relationship_advice | 5om5gq |
over the years, i have heard time and time again that 'people with bpd do not have empathy'. i have being diagnosed for 3 years, and having 'no empathy' is certainly not my experience of the disorder. in fact, i would say i'm *more* empathetic than many of my non-bpd and nt friends. case in point, someone close to me recently had driving lessons paid for by their mother as a birthday gift, and i had to keep reminding them to follow through with the lessons. in my head, i was imagining how their mother would feel having paid for all those lessons for nothing. they didn't seem to care, but i did. the thought of people going through so much thought and trouble to get someone else a gift they think that person will love, just to have the present unappreciated, makes me feel so sad. said friend has also turned-down visiting their mother at the very last minute just "because", and this has almost made me tear-up over the idea of their mother having being so excited for the visit and then having their hopes dashed... possibly even feeling lonely or rejected. the thought of elderly people with no family left who do not receive any christmas or birthday cards... that one shatters my heart. imagining the absolute terror of those trapped in the tower fire... those terrible calls to loved ones saying they didn't think they would make it. the kids at school who have no friends, who go home telling their parents that "nobody wants to play with me...". it makes me cry and want to pick that child up and tell them that they are special and amazing and loved. i don't think my emotions will ever get over the video i watched of a toddler girl listening to her dead mother's voice singing... surely, if bpds have no empathy then i wouldn't care at all about these things? surely, i wouldn't start choking-up over a video about a dog being abandoned .. for me, i would describe my empathy as a switch. most of the time, it's on. however, when i feel particularly hurt or betrayed by someone and i split, start thinking in black/white, that's when the empathy-switch just goes off. it just disappears and the rage and hopelessness is all i feel - like it's taking up far too much of my emotional resources to leave any room for empathy, it dissolves away, along with the happiness etc. once i calm down again, my emotions go back to normal and i go back to feeling as i did before... it's like the sun is my empathy, but someone's it gets shut out by dark clouds and thunderstorms, but it passes, and the sun is still there. just wondering if anybody else has the same thoughts about their empathy. | empathy myth? | 6jsise | i think of it more like eternal sensations in autism, where for bpd emotions easily become so strong they are painful or overwhelming and need to be ignored or kept out just for self preservation. | bpd | 6jsise |
i'm a university student and have been experiencing a large amount of stress for the past few weeks. stressors have ranged anywhere from a friend of mine threatening to committing suicide, to the possibility that my grandmother is dying, to my entire family being in some way involved in a criminal investigation against my father. this is exacerbated by my diagnosed adhd and my longstanding (undiagnosed) depression and anxiety, as well as my and my family's complete lack of money as i try to loan my way through college. i would have hoped that at a major university that's been in the news for consistently failing to meet student's mental health needs, teachers might see the positives in responding to students who approach them with understanding, and might try to work with them. i would also hope that after failing multiple classes last semester, and having the teachers of those classes tell me that i needed to approach them if i was having life difficulties, that they might be willing to work with me on making up missed assignments, or taking it a little bit easier on me. my requests are never out of proportion: last time i asked for something it was when i submitted a paper at 2am when it was due at midnight; not a huge difference, and something that has been totally acceptable in most classes i've taken. my grade had 50% taken off of it due to the late-night two hours, and the ta told me she couldn't/wasn't willing to do anything about it. the time before that was when i spent the night before another paper was due trying to check in on a friend in my hometown and make sure he wasn't going to kill himself; the paper was due at noon and i approached the teacher asking for an extension til the end of the day, and i laid out an entire plan for her of how i could make this up, and offered to show her evidence of my friend's suicide threats. she refused to extend the paper, told me that part of the refusal was due to the fact that i'd been showing up for class 10 min late lately, and then ended up taking 30% off of my grade. it was only after i broke down crying in class from the sheer stress of being told to basically fuck off because i was trying to keep someone from killing themselves, and then getting official documentation from the school's medical center, that she said she would take my circumstances into consideration. even side from asking for accommodations, i approached a teacher just to let her know what was going on. i have about a c in that class, and i thought i might be able to talk to her for suggestions on how to keep up in the class and what i could do to not fail. her response was that, and i quote, "you don't have a wife and kids yet so you don't really know what stress is. everyone has problems but they somehow manage them, and you have to manage yours too. if you work on yourself and making yourself more focused on your school work, then you'll do better." i don't think i ask for too much. maybe i do, but if i were in their place and a student came to me with the list of problems that i have, i would be incredibly willing to work with them. and i've had teachers who enthusiastically wanted to help me succeed in their classes despite the massive amount of anxiety and adhd that i experience. but those have been the exceptions to the rule. i'm just at this point at a loss for what to do. if i approach my teachers i'm blown off, if i don't i'm scolded for not approaching them sooner. it's like i'm stuck in this insane catch 22 of mental health issues and real life problems that nobody seems to be able to comprehend that a college student like me might have. as long as i'm not failing their classes, who cares what's going on in my life. and if i am failing in their classes, then it's automatically completely my fault. a friend of mine with similar issues said that looking back at the years hes spent in school so far, even in semesters where he got all a's and excelled, he never felt like it had been a good quarter and always was extremely thankful it was over with. too many of my friends here drink alcohol excessively and smoke weed to be able to deal with the stress of this fucking system, too many abuse adderall and other adhd meds, and even if i disagree with that i can't even blame them. i'm watching someone i know really well go from an extremely happy person who loved life, to someone who suffers from so much anxiety from her schoolwork that she's taken up the habit of picking at her skin, creating noticable scars and scabs on her face. someone who says that for the past couple of months they've been feeling completely numb inside. all of these kids just somehow slide by the eyes of admins and teachers and it's insane that this happens, and nothing's being done. the past 2 decades have seen 29 suicides here, a recent report from uc berkeley found that there, 3500 students seriously considering ending their lives every year and very few of them are able to take advantage of the resources that the university apparently so openly provides to them. it takes 3 weeks at my college to get a couseling appointment and all of the psychologists in the area have week and month long waitlists for new patients, it took a friend of mine 3 months to find one who would accept him as a new patient. it's just completely insane how we've designed a system that's literally killing people, and harming the ones it doesn't, in the name of educating them. school shouldn't be easy, but it shouldn't be this hard. | i'm so done with the absolute lack of understanding of mental health challenges in higher education | 9vhe3d | as many have said, if you're diagnosed with adhd, can get documentation from your doctor/therapist, you can present it to your school and have accommodations made. most folks i know have done this get some accommodations but usually aren't happy with the extent. do whatever you can do to get the legal accommodations made, but after that, figure out what you need to do to cope with the stress, get organized, and do the best you can. maybe that means therapy or a change in medication. this may not be what you're looking to hear but things get much harder after college. if you plan on living independently from parents, working, supporting yourself, life isn't going to be easy. showing up late to class gets some points deducted. showing up late to work can get you fired. turning in assignments late gets points deducted, continuously turning things in late to work can get you fired. if you keep getting fired from jobs, you literally won't be able to survive. in extreme circumstances like the one you stated about trying to help your friend. in real life and when it comes to employers, some will be understanding, some won't. neither of them owe you anything and the choice to help a friend or family member may mean that you have to face negative consequences. all of this to say, if you are officially diagnosed and being treated for adhd, get documentation, and get all of the accommodations that are afforded to you under the disabilities act. anything after that, do your absolute best to figure out what you need to change in your life to be able to function in this type of setting, because it doesn't get easier after college. getting connected to weekly therapy is probably a good start. seeing as you're in college, they probably have a counseling center that should provide free services. | mentalhealth | 9vhe3d |
talking to "grown-ups" feels the same way it did when i was in middle school. i look very young so it isn't always that much of a problem...people just assume i'm an awkward high school or early college kid, but that gig is pretty much up. i'm trying to get jobs, talking to staffing agencies and taking interviews and it's really shitting my shit. i usually have a beer or two before hand... forcing eye contact, over-answering questions, missing points, and not to mention tearing myself up over-analyzing every interaction afterward, realizing what people probably meant with a question or statement i didn't quite grasp at the time. i'm never quite at the same level people are at in the interaction. do things really get better? or should i find a freelance skill i can work from home... :/ | i'm 24. how old do you have to be to not be intimidated when talking to adults? :( | u1ohl | 31 here... still feel out of place around mature folks... but i accept that about myself... so no problem... | aspergers | u1ohl |
my room and living room where my 8 other roommates hang out (generally very late and loudly) share a very thin wall. i usually sleep with ear plugs to cancel out the noise and that works fine. however, the subwoofer they use basically shakes my entire wall and bed and i cannot figure out how to sound proof my room to keep that from happening. i tried asking for them to turn off the subwoofer but loud music at 3am is apparently very important to them. | need help sound proofing my roof from my roommates subwoofer | 5m2ln1 | i had a friend who under similar circumstances recorded a loop of a roland 808 kick drum at like 1000 beats per minute. it drowned out the low end pretty well. it would take some getting used to sleeping with that on headphones though. | needadvice | 5m2ln1 |
hey all, no throw away account here... just honesty &#x200b; so before my ltr, i had a physical after a period of unsafe sex and my doctor told me, "no symptoms? no need for testing...". flash forward one year later with my so. she goes to school overseas and has returns home to me every 3 months or so. each time she comes home, she develops a bad sore throat. we chalked it up to allergies until we noticed it usually only happened after oral sex. now, i am always and have always been asymptomatic, even if i am stressed or sick; no lesions, discharge, dysuria, tonsillitis, fever, tenderness, anything! so this last time i went with her for an sti screen and her blood results came back negative, completely, cmp, cbc, rpr, gc/ct, hiv, mono, all of it. i got tested last and ding! fucking rpr positive with titer 1:1... she was treated empirically with penicillin po 14 days already (and is improved) but i have yet to follow up with my md (results came in online this morning). should i ask for more testing? fta-abs? repeat titer in one month? i'm reading some stuff online about other sti's which could cause false biological positives... what the hell do we test for for that? the fta-abs? &#x200b; i hope this is the place to ask for this kind of advice... anyways, moral of the story: always get tested, even if your doctor tells you it's not needed. | rpr 1:1 for me [28m] with no symptoms at all, negative sti screen for her with recurrent tonsillitis [27f]. what to do? | 9dyl52 | rpr 1:1 is the lowest detectable, and any positive non-treponemal test needs a treponemal confirmation like fta-abs. it also seems odd to me to treat your girlfriend empirically for syphilis without confirming that either of you actually have syphilis, and it's odder that the treatment she was given is not any kind of standard syphilis antibiotic regimen that i have heard of or can find in any case, yes, i think both of you should get confirmatory testing. | askdocs | 9dyl52 |
i'm a 25 year old caucasian female. height: 170 cm weight: 53 kg. recently my mom learnt that she has ascending aortic aneurysm (45 mm). after reading about aortic aneurysms i found that they are linked with marfan and i noticed that i have a lot of features of it. i'm trying to decide if it's worth getting genetic testing. here is my features and my family history. me: i'm skinny-ish, especially in my arms. i have a long narrow face. i have high myopia (-4.75 right and -5.00 left) and lattice degeneration in my left eye. no problems with lens. i have mild scoliosis (18 degrees). i have minimal pectus carinatum type 2 (chondromanubrial) but my doctor wasn't confident about it. he said since it's not exaggerated he can't say for sure it is outside of the normal range of shape variation. i have "flexible flatfoot" (i think that's what the doctor said). my elbows extend beyond 180 degrees. i am positive for the bending pinky sign and wrapping wrist sign and the thumb-touching-inner arm. i am also positive for the thumb-extends-out-of-closed fist thing if i pull my thumb. my arm span-to-height ratio isn't in marfan ranges (arm span:166 cm, height: 170 cm). i have been wrestling and boxing for more than seven years and never suffered dislocation injuries. no heart problems. my mom: she is 49 years old and obese (h: 160 cm w: 79 kg). she has bicuspid aorta valve (since birth) and high blood pressure. bicuspid valve is present in one of her relatives as well. she doesn't have any other feature of marfan than aortic aneurysm. one of her sisters though has the same chest anomaly that i do. no serious complications related to marfan appeared in her family. my dad: he is 50 years old and obese (h: 181 cm w: 102 kg) but he used to be skinny when young. even though he is obese now he has very thin wrists. he has the same flexible flatfoot as me. he has a long face. he says he used to be very flexible when he was young, and dislocated some joints playing football. his arm span/height ratio is normal. high degree myopia runs in his family (greater than -5.00) and one of his brothers had a detached retina (after getting kicked in the eye by a baby). no heart problems or serious complications related to marfan in his family. sorry for the long post. if you need to know anything else i can provide it. | do i have marfan syndrome? | buzdvl | you should be evaluated for marfans and vascular eds. nad but i have significant family history of aaa. | askdocs | buzdvl |
so ever since i can remember i have had trouble making deep connections with people. i find it easy to casually talk to people, and i'm very good at small talk. if i want to be i can be charming and "funny" according to people around me but recently i've found it so... tedious. i can definitely feel emotion but i honestly find it easier to feel emotion when i see other people feeling it. i would like to say that i am very good at empathy actually, and maybe that's because i make a good effort at it. i'm finally fed up with not making deep connections with anyone. the best way for me to describe it is that i don't think i would care if someone around me died. i also don't really have any deep friendships, and not from lack of availability. i have made 'connections' with people plenty of times and we almost always tend to get along well but i don't feel comfortable completely trusting people in a way where i feel like i'm a burden on others. i also think i like spending time by myself, just working out by myself, watching tv by myself, reading... i sometimes just cancel on people to be by myself because even though it can be 'fun' to hang out with other people, it's so draining. understanding other people's emotions and reacting accordingly is hard. a little background. i moved around a lot as a child so i can't recall any long time childhood friends and i was also a very dedicated students so i always focused on that. i am actually going to school to be doctor right now so i guess things haven't changed much. i have a bad relationship with my dad (molested me) and my mother is a low-key narcissist. my mother and i get along from far away but there isn't any real animosity there. i also have a fiance, and he is the closets person i have in the world but.... idk i feel like if he died i would be definitely lost, confused but not in the way i see people in tv. i'm not sure how sad i would feel. i also would like to point out that i'm not exactly sure how much i care about living myself. people tend to tell me that i think 'coldly and logically' once they get to know me better and i stop trying to be 'charming and funny' and i feel like as i get older i keep wondering what the point of life is, what death means and what the difference between them is. anyways, it's definitely been worse recently and i would like to feel better. edit: i just want to make it clear, i do have emotions. i'm not a robot. i have emotions and one of the things i like to do is to break down my emotions and understand what makes me feel the way i do so that i can do something about it. i tend to be an over-analyzer. anyways, i have emotion but for some reason i have a hard time connecting to people. another good example of what i'm trying to explain: i've had dogs my whole life, and i have a dog right now which i've had for about 4 years. i take very good care of her, but she has been annoying me a little bit right now. i realize i want to get rid of her. i don't know why that idea doesn't bother me as much as i think it should but it doesn't. i want to give her to my mother or to someone else and just forget about her. | i'm [24/f] confused as to why i have a hard time feeling deep emotion about people close to me. any psychologist out here? | 5tjm24 | you could be depressed; talk to your doctor. you might be essentially introverted; thus you form fewer but deeper connections, which right now is your bf. certainly the parents/trauma you describe could make someone be more closed up and guarded about life. you'r clearly smart and thoughtful. i would rule out clinical depression first, and go from there. | relationship_advice | 5tjm24 |
age: 10 sex: female weight: approx 30kg height: approx 1.3m duration of complaint: lasting last few years - re-occurring location: brighton, uk. headache with legs hurting any existing issues: none, previously had problems with ear (grommets put in) current medications: calpol, ibucod this is for my god daughter, in south africa she had problems with her ear , when she moved to poland, her ear was not a problem anymore but she started to wake up with a minor headache (calpol and ibucod helped) and at night with a major headache, high fever, stiff/sore neck and both arms hurting.... vomiting in the morning. after all tests done and seeing a immunology professor , all results came back normal. anti-biotic helped and now about a year later she is in the uk and has developed the same symptoms again except now both her legs hurt instead of arms. doctors never went for spinal tap to check for meningitis because the condition improved before. please help. | 10 year old girl with symptoms - strong headache, stiff neck, legs hurting, high fever | 6kt8wg | has she seen the gp yet? | askdocs | 6kt8wg |
i read this quote some time ago and i love it. wanted to share it with you all. | you can have alcohol or everything else | bxf2bg | love it. i heard that once and really identified with it....i can trade one thing (alcohol) for everything or trade everything for one thing (alcohol). i have down the latter too many times. shows how nuts the alcoholic mind is! | stopdrinking | bxf2bg |
this post is going to be everywhere and is sort of just a little rant on my own challenges that i can show my therapist. &#x200b; i love to learn and almost fantasize about being "smart" and all knowing in a diverse array of subjects and skills no matter how small or useless they may seem. i feel as if i have a fear of not having enough time to actually learn and do the things i want in life. it almost puts me in a state of depression knowing i'll never be able to read all the books i want, learn how to create amazing detailed works of art, learn to play instruments beyond a simple tune, or learn to cook like gordon ramsay. &#x200b; thinking about it now, i feel silly saying it but it's almost as if i wish to be a walking almanac and im not sure why, though i do have some theories relating to more personal matters relating to my mother. &#x200b; when all is said and done, for some reason i can't seem to put myself in motion, i find it hard to take the first step, in anything really. i procrastinate on doing things i know i enjoy such as reading a book, watching a movie/show, or even playing a game. which innevitably ends up in me wasting my time doing nothing and resenting myself even more. &#x200b; i absolutely hate wasting time, i prefer to do things efficiently and it almost becomes obsessive to the point i'll get frustrated and angry if not done the way i see fit. &#x200b; with the two previous paragraphs you can see i come to a (not sure what the phrasing is for it, i forgot. basically i get conflicted). i love and want to learn and do all these things but due to my procratination i can't and it frustrates me and i end up going another day without any sort of progression or new knowledge gained. &#x200b; not sure what i am even saying anymore, maybe ill come back and edit some things when my mind is clear. | just need a place to write, feel free to give your input if you'd like. | buko5v | what is the worst possible outcome, in your mind, if you start a task? | askatherapist | buko5v |
age 27 sex female height 5'7 weight 125ish race caucasian duration of complaint 1.5 years since i started sertraline location germany current medications 100mg sertraline - i've been on sertraline for about a year and a half. i started at 50mg, and after a bit was bumped up to 100mg. the good thing is i have very few long-term side effects. when i first started taking it i did get the runs for a day, and the insomnia was brutal, but once my body got used to the sertraline that went away. i'm very happy that i'm on a medication that has zero ongoing side effects. but what i'm not sure about is if it's really helping me all that much. i still go through periods of feeling listless and just... not finding much joy in anything. everything irritates me, even things i normally enjoy, like reading or listening to music. i slack on cleaning my apartment, on going to school, everything. i can say my depression isn't as bad as when i first started the sertraline 1.5 years ago. but in a conversation i had recently with my therapist i was talking about how i hate when even the things i love start to feel blegh. she asked how often that happens, and she seemed totally surprised when i said it lasts for weeks or months sometimes. she had thought it happened for maybe a day or two at a time. i know antidepressants aren't magic pills, which is why i'm not sure if it would make sense to try a new one. especially when the one i'm on is giving me no side effects anymore. are there huge differences in how one ssri works vs another? i can't tell if i'm expecting too much from the pills, especially since sertraline does help me to *some* degree. or would it be worth trying something else since i'm still fighting with low moods that last for months? | is it worth trying a different anti-depressant if the one i'm using hardly gives me any bad side effects, but also isn't helping much with the depression? | epom7r | you could try a different one, but if it’s tolerable and maybe helping even somewhat the first choice would usually be increasing further. you are currently taking half the usual maximum dose. if it still doesn’t work, there are many other antidepressants. sometimes another ssri works when one doesn’t, often without any clear reason. and if not, there are also different classes of antidepressant. | askdocs | epom7r |
basically the title. i am talking about the 2017 rerelease of the phone. still in school, so is there an alternative on ios. i use a iphone 7+. so how good is the nokia's: 1. phone 2. service 3. maps 4. gps 5. wifi 6. is 3g ok with you or do you want lte 7. bluetooth 8. internet browser (i heard it had one) 9. apps/app store 10. camera | nokia 3310 users: is it worth it? | 96q2zl | anyone know if the 3310 4g version from china will work in the us? desperately need a feature phone with hot spot capabilities. | nosurf | 96q2zl |
in the 22 years i've been alive, i've had depression for most of it for various reasons. i'm currently in my last year of college and currently have the worst bout i've ever experienced. i'm very close to finishing, yet i find it hard to focus on schoolwork because i often have my mind clouded by ideas that none of this is worth it, and that i shouldn't bother trying. as a result, it's next to impossible to focus on homework which leads to procrastination, and classtime is hard to engage in. i find myself unmotivated and feel trapped in a spiral that will lead to inevitable failure. this is a problem that has persisted throughout my college career but has hit me harder now more than ever. i know these thoughts are not true, but it still affects me nonetheless. i often end up stressing because i keep shirking my work and thus continue to put it off. i don't believe i'm on a path to self-destruction, but i don't want this problem to affect my life once i graduate. is this some problem i need addressed or is it just me being lazy? what should i do? | what is wrong with me, and should i seek help? | b9en2v | it never hurts to see a therapist and talk about it. most colleges offer therapy for free in college counseling centers. if this is the case for you you've essentially already paid for it as part of your tuition and fees. might as well not waste something you've already paid for. | askatherapist | b9en2v |
i have a quick question that i couldn't find an answer to online. &#x200b; i have been seeing a therapist for about 7 years. i am down to monthly visits, and quite frankly i don't think i will stop going to a therapist ever. i have had severe depression due to genetics and environment. i will always have a depressive tendency. i prefer to just keep seeing someone as 'maintenance' rather than risk relapse. &#x200b; that being said, my roommate wants to start seeing a therapist. i made the mistake of mentioning that my therapists name and she is in network for my roommate. will my therapist see both my roommate and myself as clients? would that be a conflict? | sharing a therapist | blfoq9 | it's possible that they would. it's not really considered good clinical practice if there are alternatives that are easily available for your roommate. if your therapist knew this person was your roommate (you can/should probably tell them) and there were plenty of other good therapists around, the best practice for your therapist would be to refer them to someone else. all of that aside, if there aren't many other options around, your therapist doesn't think it would interfere with their ability to be unbias towards both of you, or if they start working with the person having no idea they're roommates with you as well, there's a possibility they'd take them on. | askatherapist | blfoq9 |
my 24 year old girlfriend is moving in with me in december. she's moving a few states away from her family and i want to be sure she feels at home. what are some things i can get to help her feel like she's at home? she's moving over 300 miles away from her family so i just want her to be as comfortable as possible. some of her interests include: coffee tea homeopathic medicine organic foods and veganism mermaids disney makeup (she's really in to makeup) school (will have an associates in health sciences when she moves here and will pursue a bachelors next year) her family some ideas i had were framed pictures of her and her family (i'll text her mom to get them), a mermaid inspired bathroom (thanks to pinterest and etsy), a diy vanity, a nice sleepwear gift set, a lush gift set, a desk and office area where she can focus on school | girlfriend moving in. how do i make her feel at home | 6wole5 | 1 bedroom, 2 bedroom? it's y'all's place now, so if you can set your default answer to "yes" unless you have to say no, i'm sure you'll sort it out. | relationship_advice | 6wole5 |
the only reason i haven’t killed myself is because of the guilt i feel about leaving my pets behind. that’s slowly starting to not become enough. it’s not even that i want to die; i just can’t continue to feel the way that i feel and this seems like the only way out. i’ve been struggling nearly every day for about a month now, and the emotional state that i am in is just not sustainable anymore. part of me thinks that admitting myself would be beneficial; i think if i had time away from work and social pressures, i could actually work on helping myself to cope and change my thought patterns; however, my therapist had mentioned that because i’m not really manic, it would probably be hard to get admitted, and i also have such a crippling fear of my workplace knowing that i just can’t bite the bullet. i’m not really sure what the point of me posting this is except for that i really need help, and i know this because i do not openly talk about this but am at the end of my rope. | tw: suicidal thoughts | d0ftpa | if you are having suicidal thoughts and decreased ability to find reasons not to do it, you will meet the criteria for inpatient psych. also, fmla will protect your job. plus, think about what you’re saying; you don’t want to get help to keep from killing yourself because you’re afraid it might affect your job. do you see the flaw in that logic? i am not saying this in a judgmental way at all; i just want you to see that getting help is the most important thing in your life right now. your job doesn’t matter when you’re dead. | mentalhealth | d0ftpa |
sorry if this gets a little rambley, i'm writing this at four in the morning. i've been smoking nearly every day for about a year now and 3-6 times a day for a few months. i'm 21 and started smoking when i was 18, not very often at first, but the frequency gradually increased over time. four days ago i decided to cut back on smoking, which turned into not smoking, since i'm running low on money, and i've recently gotten into song writing and get too self conscious to write while high. i've stopped before without problems, but this time i'm having difficulty sleeping and feeling a little cloudy. the first day was by far the worst. i took night time benadryl because the day before i had a little trouble sleeping. i fell asleep at 2am and woke up at 3am with my body feeling completely stressed out for no apparent reason. i didn't consider not smoking the issue due to my previous experience with quitting, but considering the timing and every other factor, it's the only explanation i have. i was able to sleep the next night, but considering i barely got an hour of sleep, that's no surprise. this bring us to right now. i'm unable to sleep again, despite being tired all day. it's incredibly annoying, but considering that i dabble with other drugs which i can't sleep on, i'm sort of used to it. i only really noticed the fog today because usually when i stop it only takes one or two days for me to feel clear again. i imagine this is because i've been smoking more heavily recently. thankfully, these are the only negative side effects of quitting i've noticed. pre-quitting, i've noticed that i'm a little more spacey than i used to be, but to be fair i've always kinda been like that. i blank on trying to find a word a lot more than i used to though, sometimes even a pretty common word, which is what really made me notice. i can't say whether or not my cognitive abilities have declined significantly or not besides the word acquisition issue. i can say that my motivation to do anything is shot as soon as i'm high though, which has definitely reflected in my studying/grades. to be fair i never studied all that much in the first place, but i digress. i'm also a rather anxious stoned, so i often decline offers to do things, which considering how often i smoke, is impeding my social life. now on to the positives i've noticed since quitting. i'm generally a very messy person, always have been. surprisingly, since quitting, i've without thinking cleaned up after myself after cooking, which was starting to become a problem because i live with two roommates and i know it's been bothering them. my appetite/control over my eating has also changed considerably. when i'm stoned i like to call myself "the great devourer" because if i have the option to, i'll eat until it hurts, which combined with a sedentary lifestyle has led to a rather hefty weight gain. additionally, instead of ignoring something being on the floor that shouldn't be there and walking on, i take the half second to pick it up. i know it doesn't sound like much, but for me these are some serious changes in my behaviour. i've also become more social since quitting. my roommate/best friend hasn't stopped completely like myself, but now he's limiting himself to smoking at night. we always end up hanging out in our living room, but when we were high wouldn't say much unless we had a comment about a show we were watching or had something special that we wanted to share from reddit and things like that. in general, no idle chitchat. post quitting/cutting back, we've been talking a lot more, which while it starts at small talk, has lead to us having more in depth conversations about our lives. i've even shown him a song i've been working on, which would never happen if i were high. like i said, i'm self conscious to the point of not even writing when stoned, let alone allowing someone to see it, even those i'm closest to. what started as a funding issue has turned into me considering quitting altogether, though i'm leaning towards just seriously cutting back (restricting to weekends or something like that). i still enjoy the way it makes me feel, and love how food tastes when i'm stoned. i'm confident if i can treat it as a special occasion as opposed to a casual daily event i'll be able to keep the benefits. though for now i'm going to stay the course and see where it takes me. if you've made it this far, thanks for reading. it's now 5am and i'm going to try to get some sleep. | currently on day 4 after smoking heavily for 2 years and want to share my experience | 4mi1ma | no offense but it doesn't seem you can compare what's it like quitting to before if you are only on day 4 | leaves | 4mi1ma |
hi all, had to keep it brief in the title. to clarify, around 3 months ago i finally decided to seek some help and the next free booking was july. i work in land/office subdivisions and in our building where we work we have subdivided an office and my boss was desperate to find tenants. when i came in for my next shift after my usual rostered days off last week i learned one of our offices has been leased - by the psych company i was referred to, and the tenant is the psychologist i am booked to see. as a result of this and my employment, i now manage their (the tenants) invoices & complaints/requests and the tidiness and upkeep of the office suite. i do not think the psychologist knows who i am as of yet, and i have not spoken to them about this. my concerns are the proximity of the office to my workplace (it is literally down the hall), my privacy (my boss has access to sign in notifications and common area cctv) and the relationship between the psychologist and myself. i honestly don't know what i should do. i've had to wait 3 months already but i fear i wont feel comfortable or safe enough to disclose the specifics of my issues due to the lessee/lessor and work relationship that exists. i have thought about letting the psychologist know exactly what the situation is and disclose who i am and that i am booked in etc (as she doesn't know at this stage, but will once i go in next week) - but i don't know if that is appropriate or how it could reflect on my workplace either. any and all advice is seriously welcome - need to hear some other opinions. thanks. | my future psychologist is now my tenant - what do i do? | 8tmkiy | the therapist will probably refer you out once you start seeing her anyway. that’s considered a “dual relationship,” and it’s frowned upon ethically. can you find a different therapist elsewhere? | needadvice | 8tmkiy |
female (36). i woke in the middle of the night with my arm above my head and could feel nothing from it. i have had this before and used my other arm to pull it down and rub it until the feeling came back. usually it passes with a bit of uncomfortableness within a few moments but this time i had tremendous pain which led to my whole upper right side of my body having a tingly numbness. my arm, shoulder, tongue, face and brain(if this makes sense) went numb. so i tried to get up and sat at the side of the bed. i felt extremely lightheaded and nauseous and i lay back down. then i realized that i couldn’t do simple sums in my head, speak properly or write well. i felt so tired i fell asleep and all day today i’ve had a numb tingling face on my right hand side and a weakness on that side, especially in my arm. i thought it would pass but it hasn’t. any ideas of what it could be? i have pcos and a history of breast cancer in my family but no other problems. additional note- at new year i felt like i was having a mild heart attack and an ecg showed nothing but my other tests showed mild muscle damage. is this related? i have also have difficulty swallowing and constantly find problems swallowing food, especially after periods of stress. | dead arm led to something else | f2w3sk | once you’ve ruled out a non-emergent issue look into postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (pots). | askdocs | f2w3sk |
i watched the movie flight last night, which is about a pilot that struggles with addiction and denial. i found it to be a really great, inspiring movie. it does have a lot of drinking in it, so if you are in early recovery, it may not be the best thing to watch. i did on day 2 and it didn't really bother me too much (except seeing a yuengling bottle, my poison of choice). are there any recovery movies that helped you all stay strong throughout yours? | movies about recovery | 1t0jvc | i saw the documentary anonymous people a while back. it was phenomenal film. chris herron's 30 for 30 ungaurded is excellent for us sports fans. | stopdrinking | 1t0jvc |
title says it all. sometimes i hate having adhd. | i’m more focused and productive when i organize my life but i can’t keep my life organized to save my life. | bqn0ry | me too. i do a couple things. meal prep. i force myself. i hate doing it but it makes me eat well and gives me a food routine that i don't have to think about. i do 7 smoothies, 5 lunches, and heaps of snacks. alarm is set for 6am every morning of the week and i never turn it off and i always get up. even if i get up for 30 minutes and then go back to bed. i rarely go back to bed but having that possibility there motivates me more to get up. i have a default morning routine regardless of where i am or what i'm doing that day. brush teeth, deodorant, coffee and breakfast, contacts etc. otherwise i wander around lost and forget everything all day. this stuff helps me as an absolute minimum. | adhd | bqn0ry |
i'm a 26 yo male, 5"8, 145lbs, asian. my back pain (mid upper to lower back towards the midline) has been steadily increasing for a duration of about a year. i am healthy otherwise, with the exception of taking acne medications (retin-a, epiduo, solodin). i have taken an mri and the results have been unremarkable. i believe it to be a muscle pain that could be resulting from too much studying, a new bed, odd posturing, unproportional workout regimen, or maybe a little of several factors. i was about to go to the chiropractor, but my dad (medical profession) does not recommend that because it might introduce bone spurs. he recommends going to a doctor first to find out the root of the cause, then a pt to help deal with the pain. since i will be using my back for my future profession (dentistry), i don't want to risk injuring it any further. i want to verify if this is the correct route and what type of doctor would be best at diagnosing the cause of the problem. thank you! | back is in pain - what doctor do you recommend me seeing? | 5kylg0 | youve asked a similar question before, and it was recommended to see a physical therapist over a chiropractor. why the continued doubt? | askdocs | 5kylg0 |
and i know the correct answer is probably right this second. but i'm in the middle of a semester at school, and dropping alcohol really messes with my sleep. i also don't feel like i can let alcohol feel like it can run my life; in the sense where i have to drink, and in the sense where i can never have a drink again. full disclosure: 28 years old. i've been drinking pretty heavily more or less every day for around 7 years. i've had stints where i stopped for a couple months and it felt fine. but once i feel like alcohol doesn't control me, i end up drinking again... lightly at first but eventually everyday. i am also prescribed klonopin for anxiety, which does help keeping me from drinking. i know i can stop without any severe side effects, i am just terrified of entering a treatment facility because of the external consequences it would have. i don't mind going to meetings or anything, but i hate the religious aspect that comes along with those. i know i can stop on my own, but i feel like a few months down the line i would start up again. i don't want any anti-alcohol soundbytes, but any real advice would be appreciated. | i want to stop drinking, i'm just waiting for the right time | 1mwoct | who is it who says the quote, "the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is today." | stopdrinking | 1mwoct |
a month or so back new neighbors moved in next door. the house is not far away from mine. they have been leaving their two german shepards outside tied on to a dog house in a small yard. their yard is maybe a meter away from my bathroom and the rest of my house. i have problems with sensory integration, so loud unexpected noises bother me. meltdowns, becoming voilent (towards stuff not people) and hurting myself ine xtreme cases. i use sensory integration therapy and weighted blankets and loud music to cope. but this is crazy. i almost had a melt down because i had to take a shit but the dog was barking. it's so close to my bathroom it sounds like it's literally outside the wall barking at me. i can"t go outside when the dog is outside or it wil bark at me! i'm trying to overcome severe anxiety, maybe even post traumatic stress disorder. i'm inside all the time anyways. i tried to go outside just to put garbage in my shed, for the first time in months and my neighbor's dog started barking at me and i had a meltdown because i was outside 20 seconds. i'm a shut in and i don't want to be...usually it was just due to other anxieties not actual reasons. does anyone know what the appropriate way to deal with this situation is? i'm already coping with it by getting extra deep pressure input and music, and my dad is going to phone animal control tomorrow. (i don't live with my parents though, i just don't want to deal with phoning them.) i also wrote this to vent a little bit. i haven't talked to my neighbor's at all since they moved in, or any of my neighbor's actually. (maybe i would if i could go outside with their dog not barking at me!) so i just don't know how to talk to people in general...i really need to let them knwo though maybe. animal control is closed on the weekends. >< | does anyone know an appropriate way to let my neighbors know their dog barking is upsetting me? | v6y08 | i would bark whenever the dog barks... but i am fuckin' weird... | aspergers | v6y08 |
i've been going to a therapist for months now but i still get nervous. i have an appoint for both my psychiatrist and therapist and i really don't want to go to either. the psychiatrist asks me questions like what my energy level is and stuff and i don't know what to say. plus i stopped taking the pills and nothing seems to really help. i recently opened up to my therapist that i was pretty suicidal and he didn't seem to care which caught me off guard. he asked me to go call a stranger which i didn't so i failed again and just feel like i'm wasting his time. i really don't want to go tomorrow and i'm not sure i will. i also should add i can't talk to my parents about this, we don't talk about stuff like this. i tried talking about it recently and my mom just got upset and cried so that was a huge mistake. also no friends or anything like that, never has been. and i have been suicidal my whole life. | still nervous seeing therapist. | 2rqn9t | as a therapist, i'd suggest letting your therapist know about your feeling like a failure to him. i'd also suggest letting him know that you felt he didn't care that you opened up to him. it sounds like that was a really big deal for you. after you discuss these things, if you don't notice a change and still feel nervous and like he doesn't care, then it'll be time to look for another therapist. but i hope that if this happens, it won't deter you from looking again - good *and* bad therapists exist, just like any other profession. i'd also suggest letting him know why you're looking elsewhere, so he might get a chance to be better for his next clients. | depression | 2rqn9t |
16 year old male, 5’8”, 190 pounds, white. this morning during school i had a panic attack that made my heart rate rise a lot. on the ambulance my heart rate was too high for the heart rate monitor to get an accurate reading. when my heart rate did eventually drop enough for the monitor it said my heart rate was 187bpm. how high would my heart rate have to be to become potentially fatal? | i had to go to the hospital in an ambulance this morning cause a severe panic attack caused my heart rate to rise to extreme levels. | b0s8cs | for a healthy 16 year old, the maximum heart rate that you can achieve through exercise (and panic) is probably above 200 bpm. that's not dangerous, that's just the practical limit on what your heart can do. electrical conduction abnormalities can prevent your heart from effectively beating, but panic doesn't produce those. despite how it feels, panic attacks are not dangerous, just very unpleasant. | askdocs | b0s8cs |
i have dyslexia and always struggled with reading and writing and have parents who pretty much just thought i was stupid even after my school diagnosed (right word?) that i had it and they sorta just gave up on helping me with anything regarding school work so i would always hand in homework unfinished or just write stuff out randomly so it looked done. i remember it was around christmas and i was attempting to write out a christmas list for santa and i wanted a pair of thongs (flip flops) but unknowingly i wrote tongs like the kitchen utensil and put it on the fridge. my whole family laughed at me saying that i was silly and almost every year around christmas they bring it up, to this day i never write anything in front of people because i'm afraid to get laughed at. that happened when i was 11 or 12 and i'm 21 now and that shit still haunts me. anyone else experience these things? | what is something damaging you remember from your childhood that effects you to this day? | bk2wjk | the music teacher in elementary school recommended to the whole class that everyone should join chorus except me and another kid. i’ve been petrified to sing for most of my life since then, afraid my voice is terrible. sad, because i love music. f that lady. | socialskills | bk2wjk |
i’m a 27 year old college graduate with a ba in english. my work experience includes 3 years as a supervisor, but in the financial and medical fields. i was laid off about 6 months ago and decided to pursue my passion and started working as a freelance writer. at first i was really excited to do something i love. but, now it is draining the joy out of writing as a hobby and i’m barely making enough money to pay the bills. i currently live at home and don’t have rent, but i would like to eventually buy my own home. at this point, i think i need to pursue a more lucrative career that will allow me to follow other dreams like travel and repaying my parents. but, i’m not really sure where to go from here. i don’t need a six figure salary. i just want to feel comfortable and enjoy my life. how do i figure out my next steps? | how do i choose a new career? | 8078xb | really it is best to find the intersection between what you love and what is feasible for survival. there is likely a good bit of overlap. also, working in a great environment is really one of the best things in life, not necessarily how passionately you approach the work. i am just not sure how much young people realize that it is the toxic, “gotcha!” culture at many workplaces that drains the life out of you, not necessarily the work. | needadvice | 8078xb |
do you relate to this? i feel like everything in my life is always a work in progress and i'm never 100% happy. always trying to fix my appearance, my relationships, my apartment decor, my job. i feel anxious and slightly nauseous when i think about the fact i will never be the hottest woman my boyfriend has ever seen. i'm a perfectionist to the point where i'm either upset something isn't exactly right or i don't even try/start a project because i see it as a failure before i even begin. i want to die because i feel like i will never be happy with myself or anything in my life and that's a miserable existence. | i want to/need to be this perfect being and the fact that i know i never will be makes me want to die. | 6dir2e | radical acceptance: we, nor anything, is perfect | bpd | 6dir2e |
i can't stand it when the stereo/tv volume, thermostat setting, or cooking time for a food is an odd number. please share something about yourself! | quirk alert!: i h-a-t-e odd numbers. respond with one of your quirks! | v439f | oooh! whenever i have to pee, i drink as much water as possible first. i figure it maximizes my hydration and reduces my pee frequency. by an immeasurably minuscule amount, i am sure. but, efficient is efficient. | aspergers | v439f |
i really hope this is the right thread! i have a group interview tomorrow for a seat in a graduate mental health counseling program! i have never been so excited for something! i guess i am just here to ask advice, from people who have been through it before, on what to expect. i know every program is different, but having the slightest bit of knowledge beforehand would be so helpful! | group interview tomorrow! any advice? | f9e3wf | be prepared to comment about what you would bring to the practice (theoretical framework, prior experience). they may also want to see how you would mesh with the existing team so being appropriately outgoing and gregarious will go a long way. | askatherapist | f9e3wf |
age: 28 healthy length: 1 day normal numbing injection for cyst removal on scalp. is it normal for swelling to occur in the area where numbing solution was injected after the procedure is completed? | question about numbing injection during medical procedure | b5fo5t | it's normal to have swelling around where a procedure was done, which is where the numbing solution would be injected. so yes, i think so. | askdocs | b5fo5t |
i am having alot of issues with my girlfriend and life. we both do drugs but she mostly just does weed. well i decided to quit recently and have been in withdrawal for about 21 days now and doing better. at my dad's she is at our home now. little background, she got probably 4-5 calls within 2 years from random black men all wanting to mess around again ,what they say. she says it was a miss understanding and she never messed with any of them, well i believed her each time but it has made me not trust her and i started looking thru her stuff but never found anything. that was about 3 years ago. i've gotten alot better but everyone and a while i'll crack and snoop. i hate it and i did the other day... remember my mind isn't in the best state now bc detoxing.well i got on her fb the other day and miss interpreted her wall, i'm never on fb deactivated but got on for some reason. well i sent her fb txt so i wouldn't wake her, we live together but in separate rooms bc i snore loud. so i sent the txt all upset and and nasty about what i saw, which was. nothing. now she said she is done with me bc she said i could never do that to her again. well it's been really hard bc i am trying to quit drugs and be better for us and everyone! well she said she planed on moving out which i hope to stop. i'm at my dad's detoxing still past couple days. she dosent want me txting her she said today so i said ok. i'm about to start therapy next week bc i think she's not cheating or like to think. she's not a slut bc it took us a month to do it but recently she has put a code in her phone bc she said she dosent want me on it and she has told me she misses going out which she hasn't except with me. she got new gf and has started going out late at bars with them which worries me but i try and not to care but it's hard.im not sure what to do! what would you all do in my shoes? tl;dr: (31m me) (29f my gf) has got sexting in past and it's messed with my head and she's leaving me while i'm withdrawaling from drugs 20 days clean. | me (31m) gf(29f) of 6 .5 years are having issues and she has got alot of sexting from guys a long time ago and it gave me trust issues, please need advice! | 6dkgic | good for you that you're 20 days clean. that's great news. everyone has a past; don't worry about it. stay sober and your life will improve. good luck. keep up the great work. | relationship_advice | 6dkgic |
i've had anxiety for 6 years. it's not so terrible i can't leave the house or anything, but i struggle with things like ordering etc. i've met a fair few people through my best friend, and i want to get to know them better, but it's so fucking hard to just talk and introduce myself like a normal person. i'm so shy and quiet and i hate it. any tips? | how to put yourself out there? | 72zhs2 | when it comes to initiating conversations, ordering food over the telephone or anything similar, a helpful suggestion is to make a script for yourself. write it down if you need to. practice it a few times. then start using it. the more you do it, the more confident you'll feel and will either have the script internalized or will be confident enough to deviate from it. ex. "hi, i'm calling to place an order for __________, and that'll be for pickup/delivery. i can pay cash/i have a credit number for you." ex. "hey, good seeing you again. what have you been up to lately?" keep it simple. [-the web shrink](WEBLINK) | socialanxiety | 72zhs2 |
WEBLINK | can't recall if i've ever posted this, but the video "this is how you treat adhd based off science, dr russell barkley" made me cry the first time i watched it. it explained so well what i was feeling, and actually helped me identify why things got so hard after i left high school | 78up3n | he just came and spoke at my school but i had to miss it bc of a wedding :( | adhd | 78up3n |
23 years old caucasian female. i'm 52 kg and 1.69 m. i took nurofen 400 in the morning 12 hours ago for period cramps, is it safe to have alcohol now? | i took 400 mg ibuprofen 12 hours ago, can i drink alcohol now? | a0v3cw | unlike tylenol, ibuprofen has no direct interaction with alcohol. it isn’t metabolized by your liver. | askdocs | a0v3cw |
i have a (language) class where tables are set so we sit in a circle. my problem is i don't know where to look. my choices are: someone opposite me, my notebook, teacher. my instinct would be to look at whomever is talking, but it's not like everyone is talking all of the time. my default is to look at my notebook and scribble something, but that feels weird and passive. i could pick someone to look at when i'm idle, but isn't it a bit rude? what's your take on this? how not to be awkward sitting in a circle. | sitting in a circle, how to behave? | 16920e | i would try not to worry about it too much. most likely other people are not focused on where you're looking, so don't build it up in your head. the exception is that you should try to not stare at one person for an extended period of time unless they are talking. if nobody is talking, just remind yourself to alternate who you are looking at every so often. you can also watch someone else in the group and see what they do (of course, you'll need to do this out of the corner of your eye since you don't want to stare at them.) good luck! | socialskills | 16920e |
i am 24 and recently got my first internship and have moved to new york and my brother has been supporting me, by letting me stay in a room in one of his buildings he owns and letting me use his old car. i've been vising him often and sometimes see bruises on his gf (bruised eye, marks on neck) and he has slapped her once (not in my sight but i herd it). i asked him recently if he was having any issues with her and he told me ''stay out of it or else i'll cut you off'', probably take away my place and car. i've only talked to his gf in his presence and i think he only lets her go outside socially with him now. i know he's probably over physical with her, but i am prioritizing myself as i need a place to stay and need a car, i've been thinking maybe some girls enjoy this physical side of guys. besides my brother is family, would i be betraying him if i notified someone? | my brother [30] is very physical with his girlfriend [28] | 5swfpv | presumably his girlfriend is not pressing charges. presumably she is allowing herself to be a battered woman. you have a big moral choice in front of you. first, you could do nothing. second, you could ask the local police community officer to have a chat with him as a kind of friendly warning. three, you could find somewhere else to live and get away from your piece of shit brother | relationship_advice | 5swfpv |
this has been a thing with me for a while. i'm basically starving for female attention. i feel that whenever i'm with guys and there are girls around, the girls always ignore me. getting ignored by girls makes me jealous and angry then eventually i start to dislike the guy till i no longer want to be around him. this even happens with guys who are in relationships. for whatever reason they are more fun or charming than me and i end up ignored. the guys never seem to understand that i'm the single one and that i'm the one who should be getting most of the attention. is there any way to fix this? | no interest in making guy friends because i see them as competition for girls. | 967vqe | a few things to consider here. * if you're "starving for female attention" this is both a cause and effect of the problem. the more you're "starving" the more you'll be projecting desperation, and no matter how good of a job you try to do at covering this up, people will sense it and for women especially, it will be a huge turn off. so yeah, much like what kodechamp said, you have to find ways to be happy and enjoy your life with or without female attention. it may sound counterintuitive, but once you don't care whether you have it or not genuinely, it'll be a lot easier to get. this is probably why your friends who are already in relationships get more attention. they're in relationships so they could care less whether they get the attention or not, so they don't project desperation. * most people find it easier to have friends of the same gender due to a higher likelihood of sharing gender stereotypical interests and the absence of one party becoming romantically interested (barring differences in sexual orientation of course). the more friends you have, the more that shows the world that you're a person worth spending time with and that you "can't be a total creep". you're right, the downside of this is if you are with a group of guys and you meet a group of girls, there's a good chance they'll be interested in one of your friends instead of you. i don't mean to be harsh in saying this but my guess is those girls probably wouldn't have been interested in you in the absence of your friends. the competition aspect is most likely in your head. * it may be painful to feel so lonely as you watch your friends get what you want and don't have but it's also a chance for you to learn from them through observation. how do they act differently from you that makes them more socially successful? start trying to model yourself after them. modeling ourselves after people who are better than us at certain areas is pretty much how we learn anything successfully. | socialskills | 967vqe |
my local hospital seems intent on diagnosing me with bpd, yet my clinic (multiple therapists, psychatrist, and gp) says that while i met some traits (emotional disregulation), i don't meet enough symptoms to be diagnosed with it. going through the symptom list in the dsm with someone who i trust to be objective, also agrees. my clinic, myself, and my objective friend all agree that cptsd is a much better fit for me, than bpd. specifically, i have emotional regulation issues, but it mostly centres around my trauma. being unable to identify stress, and i have emotional flashbacks. i used to have an issue with self harm, but i don't really anymore, i have only self harmed twice this year, so i am not sure i meet that criteria, and i have dissociative issues. so, at most, i meet 3 symptoms of the 9 listed in the dsm, but the dsm says you need to met 5. i would just accept this, but i know that the local hospital will discriminate against you if you're diagnosed with bpd. a friend of mine was told she was an attention seeker so many times, when in fact she had severe endometriosis, and i don't want my health to suffer by being misdiagnosed. i also dislike having a label that i know doesn't represent me. anyone else had similar experiences? how did it work out for you? | can you have bpd without meeting dsm criteria? | 4zf9sq | the dsm has a lovely phrase that applies to all diagnoses, "unless better accounted for by another diagnosis or condition". basically you can't double dip symptoms for two conditions. since bpd isn't the better fit for the symptoms, it's not a correct dx. of course i'm guessing on a few ungiven assumptions here. | bpd | 4zf9sq |
age: 24. sex: female. ethnicity: white. height: 178cm. weight 57kg. no medications, non-smoker. maybe it’s a cultural thing. but i currently live in germany and i just went to a dr. to ask for a blood test. she looked at me like i was out of my mind and got super confused. she didn’t see why i would want it done if i don’t feel ill or something isn’t bothering me. my statement that my diet has changed drastically over the year didn’t make any impact on her either. i felt so embarrassed that i don’t think i’ll go back to that clinic ever again. but maybe she’s right and it’s unnecessary to get tested unless you feel unwell? at least that’s what i did back in the states and it was considered quite normal | am i being too dramatic for wanting to have my blood test done annually? | fhcw31 | tests should be done for a reason. unnecessary tests are more likely to provide false positive or false negative results - and either undue anxiety or complacency for the patient (and doctor). | askdocs | fhcw31 |
my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years as of last week. for the last year and a half, i have been talking to him about moving in. so far, nothing. he is "not ready" and can't tell me why. background of our relationship: both previously married - me for 5 him for 10. both have daughters - i have 6 yo and he has a 9 yo. (they get along great) i'm a person that doesn't have much patience, and i really jump in 110% whenever i believe in something. he has made comments about getting married and such, but when pressed to actually move forward, gets quiet. i have asked time and time again for a reason, anything, just so i can make sense of it. and he is unable to give me anything. i am beginning to wonder if he actually does want to move forward at any point. any idea on how to advance the conversation or insight? | (29/f) wanting to move faster than (38/m) | 68xosf | if you're not ready after a year you'll never be | relationship_advice | 68xosf |
hi there! my girlfriend was diagnosed with nickel intoxication. she has about twice the allowed amount of nickel in her body. the thing is: we have no clue why this happened. she was also diagnosed with histamine intolerance. she had problems with her hand for about 4 months now. she has an eczema that got worse and worse (only on her right hand, on the upper half of her palm). it's a weeping wound. after she got a cortisone cream, it got better, dried up, developed a scab and healed. but as soon as the cream (and treatment) ended, the eczema came back. this went back and forth 3 times, until we decided to get better testing. some data: * age: 23 * sex: female * height: 170 centimeter (5.6 feet) * weight: 80 kilograms (175 pounds) * race: caucasian * location: austria * smoker: no my mother has a nickel intolerance and i know how that can manifest. but my girlfriend never had issues and didn't buy any new jewellery. besides, from what the doctor said, a nickel intolerance isn't the same as nickel intoxication. possible reasons we thought of: * old plumbings in our appartment: but there are about 20 more flats in our appartment building, many inhabited by old people and no problem is known. also, i show no symptoms (didn't get it tested though). and she doesn't drink tapwater that much. * fish: she likes to eat store-bought ready-to-eat sushi and eats it about twice a week. is that enough to cause nickel intoxication? * food: we don't have the healthiest diet (but we're trying to do better), but there's nothing too unusual. bread, butter, meat (mostly turkey meat, but also beef, chicken and pork), all sorts of vegetables, rice, eggs, fruits. and we really like sweets and soft drinks. * paleo food: we recently started eating after a paleo diet, not very strict, but it's worth mentioning. we still eat bread and the occasional sweets, but we eat more rice and eggs than we used to and avoid milk products (except butter) and legumes. if she drinks soft drinks, they are calorie-free (maybe that's important). i don't think anything else changed so much that it's worth mentioning. * we can't think of any other factors like chemicals or things like that. nothing unusal going on. neither i nor our little boy (23 months old) have shown any symptoms of nickel intoxication. i'm away all week except for the weekends and our little boy has a mostly different diet, so that doesn't say much, but it may rule out some things like the plumbing, since he almost exclusively drinks tap water. i really hope you can help and/or have some clues what can cause nickel intoxication and what we should watch out for. thanks a lot! | girlfriend has nickel intoxication, we have no clue how this happened. | 5fi5mf | possibly a stupid question - but who diagnosed nickel intolerance? | askdocs | 5fi5mf |