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fd_Doctor_Who_1963_12x13

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_12x13_0

Genesis of the Daleks by: Terry Nation Part Three Running time: 22:38 [SCENE_BREAK] SEVRIN: Are you all right? SARAH: I think so. SEVRIN: We must go on, Sarah. It's our only chance. SEVRIN: That section of the roof slides out. We can get to it from the top of the rocket. SARAH: We've got to get across first. SEVRIN: We'll have to jump. Now I'll go first, you follow and I'll catch you. SEVRIN: Come on, Sarah. Come on! You've got to do it, do you hear me? Jump! SEVRIN: We're nearly there. Just a bit more and we're out on the surface of the dome and safe. SARAH: Yes. SOLDIER: That's far enough. Right, come on back down here. SOLDIER: Now you. Come on, move! I'll get her. SOLDIER: Give me your hand. Come on. SOLDIER: If I should just slacken my grip. They say that people who fall from great heights are dead before they hit the ground. I don't believe that, do you? SOLDIER: You're going back to work. In a day or so, you'll wish I had let you drop. Right, get over. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: It's lighter this way. HARRY: Looks as though we've made it. DOCTOR: Look. HARRY: It must be the way through to the wastelands. HARRY: Doctor, quick! My leg! Quick! Pull it out, Doctor. HARRY: Quick, it's pulling me in! DOCTOR: Easy, easy. HARRY: Get that thing off. DOCTOR: One of Davros' experiments? HARRY: Magna poluris. (I think) DOCTOR: What? HARRY: Latin. DOCTOR: Never mind the Latin, let's have a look at your foot. Nothing seems to be broken. It's incredible. You have some bruises though, Harry. HARRY: Why is it always me who puts a foot in it? DOCTOR: You'll be all right. Can you stand up? HARRY: I think so. DOCTOR: Let's get out of here. HARRY: We must look out for Sarah. She's out there somewhere. DOCTOR: We'll find her. We've got to contact the Kaled leaders first. HARRY: Try again, they're pretty corroded. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: We await your commands. DAVROS: Excellent, excellent. KAVELL: Perfect, Davros, perfect. A brilliant creation. DAVROS: A brilliant creation, yes, but perfect, no. Not yet. I want improvements made to the optical systems and the sensory circuits. Their instincts must be as accurate as a scientific instrument. You will begin at once. Dismantle the viewer circuit. KAVELL: Does Davros know the prisoners have escaped? RONSON: I don't know what you mean. The prisoners are in their cell. KAVELL: Don't worry, I won't betray you. You're not the only one concerned about the morality of the work we are doing here. Now answer me. Does Davros know they've gone? RONSON: The prisoners are in the detention room for further interrogation. KAVELL: Well, I have news for you. They've reached the city and made contact with the leaders whose names you gave them. RONSON: How do you know? KAVELL: There is some advantage in being in charge of the communication system. All we can hope for now is that they convince the leaders that Davros' work here must be ended. RONSON: They must. They must! [SCENE_BREAK] MOGRAN: My fellow councillors, I've asked you two assemble here and not in our House of Congress as our meeting is of a most secret nature. There are no listening devices here, are there, Ravon? RAVON: Not that I know of, Mogran. MOGRAN: Doctor, will you please tell the councillors what you have told me? DOCTOR: Yes, of course, and some of what I will tell you relates to events in the future. Not only on this planet but also on others whose existence you don't even know of. But my knowledge is scientific fact. Now, Davros has created a machine creature, a monster which will terrorise and destroy millions and millions of lives and lands throughout all eternity. He has given this machine a name, a Dalek. It is a word new to you, but for a thousand generations it is a name that will bring fear and terror. Now undoubtedly Davros has one of the finest scientific minds in existence, but he has a fanatical desire to perpetuate himself in his machine. He works without conscience, without soul, without pity, and his machines are equally devoid of these qualities. [SCENE_BREAK] GUARD: What's the matter with her? SEVRIN: She's tired. She needs rest. GUARD: This is the last consignment. When that's packed aboard she'll get all the rest she needs. Now pick up your loads! [SCENE_BREAK] NYDER: I've just had word from one of our supporters in the Dome. Councillor Mogran has called a secret meeting. The only councillors invited are known opponents of the work we are doing here in the bunker. DAVROS: I want a full report on everything that was discussed. I don't care how you get the information, get it. However, I think we need not be too concerned. Many times in the last fifty years, factions of the government have tried to interfere with my research here. They have failed. They will fail again. NYDER: There's something else. The two prisoners in Ronson's charge, they've been seen at the dome. They are at the meeting. DAVROS: Impossible! There is no escape from here. NYDER: I've checked their cells. They are missing. DAVROS: Find out how they escaped and report to me immediately. NYDER: What action shall I take concerning Ronson? DAVROS: For the moment, none. I will deal with him in my own way. [SCENE_BREAK] RAVON: That was a very impressive speech, Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes, it was meant to be. HARRY: Let's hope it's convinced them. DOCTOR: Yes, let's hope so, Harry. Sometimes words aren't enough. HARRY: Well, they seem to have reached a decision. MOGRAN: I'm afraid, Doctor, the councillors could not agree to halt all experimentation at the bunker. HARRY: The councillors are fools. MOGRAN: Let me finish, please. It has been agreed that an independent tribunal will investigate all work that is being done at the bunker. DOCTOR: But that could take months! Davros already has several prototype Daleks ready for action. MOGRAN: It has also been agreed that pending the investigation, Davros' experiments will be suspended. DOCTOR: It is less than I'd hoped for. MOGRAN: And I promise you, Doctor, if your allegations are borne out, all work at the bunker will be closed down. DOCTOR: Thank you. MOGRAN: And now I must go with my committee and inform Davros of our decision. HARRY: Now I think it's high time we looked for Sarah, don't you? RAVON: The one you left behind in the wastelands? HARRY: Yes. You have some news of her? RAVON: I can't be certain, you understand, but our agents inside the Thal dome report a newly arrived girl prisoner who led an attempted breakout. Gave the Thals quite a bit of trouble. HARRY: That'll be her. DOCTOR: In the Thal dome, you say? RAVON: The Thals are using prisoners to load their last great rocket. HARRY: Rocket? RAVON: They think they'll win the war with it. What they don't know is that no matter how powerful their rocket, it cannot penetrate our protective dome. Only a matter of months ago, Davros perfected a new substance which has the strength of thirty foot thick reinforced concrete. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, well never mind about that. Could you help us to find Sarah? RAVON: One of my agents could lead you into the service shafts underneath the Thal city. DOCTOR: Oh, good, good. RAVON: But after that you're strictly on your own. HARRY: Fair enough. RAVON: Right, I'll give you a map showing how to reach the rocket silo area. DOCTOR: Thank you. HARRY: Well, Doctor, looks as though we've got to cross the wastelands again. DOCTOR: Yes, and that's when our troubles really begin. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: An investigation? But of course, Mogran. I welcome any inquiry into our work here. I think the idea is an excellent one. The Kaled people sacrifice much so that we should have the materials we need. They have the right to know how our work is progressing. And when they learn of our achievements, their patriotism will be refired. It is vital that our soldiers know that they and we of the Elite are as one, working together to bring the final victory. MOGRAN: I'm grateful that you've accepted this decision so, so patriotically. There's one thing more. Until the inquiry, all work is to be suspended. DAVROS: If that is your wish, then naturally I will obey. It will take some time to close down certain pieces of equipment. Shall we say, er, twenty four hours? MOGRAN: Twelve. DAVROS: It will be difficult, but it will be done. MOGRAN: The members of the tribunal will arrive in that time. Thank you, Davros, for your cooperation. DAVROS: It is simply my duty. The inquiry will reveal nothing, except our loyalty and total dedication to the cause of the Kaled people. NYDER: We cannot allow this investigation. They cannot fail to see the dangers to themselves in the Dalek project. DAVROS: Calm yourself, Nyder. There will be no investigation. NYDER: But you can't stop it now. DAVROS: I can and will! The council has signed the death warrant of the whole of the Kaled people. Only we, the Elite, we and the Daleks will go on. NYDER: The whole of the Kaled people? You would go that far? DAVROS: Did you ever doubt it? NYDER: No. DAVROS: There is much to do. I want the genetically conditioned creatures installed in the machines immediately. Twenty of them. NYDER: Twenty? DAVROS: They are our troops in this battle for survival. NYDER: But they're still very erratic, unstable. DAVROS: They will not be allowed self control. I will prepare a computer programme that will limit their actions. After that, we are going on a journey. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: What's Davros doing here in the Thal city? DOCTOR: Shush. DAVROS (OOV.): And I am no longer influenced by [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: Words such as patriotism and nationalism. My concern is only for peace, an end to this carnage that has virtually destroyed both our races. COUNCILLOR: Why aren't you telling this to your own government and people? DAVROS: I have tried. Time and again, I have tried. But now they will be satisfied with nothing other than total annihilation of the Thal people. COUNCILLOR: Then they deserve to perish, and perish they will when we launch our rocket. It's primed and ready. The countdown for firing can begin immediately. DAVROS: And it will fail. COUNCILLOR: It can't fail. DAVROS: The Kaled dome cannot be penetrated. Your great rocket will hardly scratch it. DAVROS: This is the measure of my faith. Nyder. NYDER: It is a simple chemical formula. If the substance is loaded into artillery shells and fired onto the surface of the Kaled dome, it will weaken the molecular structure and make it brittle. Your rocket will then be able to penetrate without resistance. COUNCILLOR: Why are you giving us this information? You know that your own people, the Kaleds, will be utterly exterminated. DAVROS: No price is too great to pay for peace. I only ask that when the war is over I be allowed to help in the reconstruction of our planet. NYDER: We want only to see the conflict brought to an end. This formula give you the power to bring that about. DAVROS: By dawn tomorrow, our world could be at peace. [SCENE_BREAK] NYDER: You think they believed you? DAVROS: It is unimportant. They are hungry for victory. They will use the formula and fire their rocket no matter what they believe my motives to be. And when they do, Nyder, when they do. COUNCILLOR: I've given orders that a barrage of shells containing the formula should begin as soon as possible. The rocket launch can begin immediately. And now I'll arrange your safe escort out of the city. HARRY: Doctor, somehow we've got to warn Mogran and the other Kaled leaders. DOCTOR: Yes, and we haven't found Sarah yet. Come on. DOCTOR: Excuse me, can you help me? I'm a spy. DOCTOR: Their suits, Harry. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: The rocket's loaded. Why are they still keeping us here? SEVRIN: Why take the trouble to move us? It's easier to leave us here. Yes, but when it's fired, the exhaust blast will burn us up. SARAH: Harry! Doctor! DOCTOR: You all right, Sarah? SARAH: Oh, I am now. Listen, we've got to get out of here. The Thals are going to launch this rocket. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I know. Listen. I want you and Harry to go back to the Kaled dome. Harry knows the way. Tell them all we know. There's a chance if they launch and all-out offensive I might be able to stop the rocket. SARAH: What are you going to do? DOCTOR: Try to sabotage it, or at least delay it. Off you go. SARAH: Right. DOCTOR: Good luck. SARAH: Sevrin, you come with us. DOCTOR: Well, don't just stand there. Come on, you're free! Go now while you've got the chance. Come on! (The rest of the mutos shamble out and the Doctor goes over to the rocket. Harry leads them back to the hatch in the floor. Sarah goes down first, followed by Sevrin and Harry. Then Thal guards arrive and shoot down into the opening. While the Doctor continues to inspect the rocket, the guard comes round and reaches for a button on a panel. Electricity clamps the Doctor to the base of the scaffolding.)

The Doctor and Harry head to the Kaled city to alert the authorities to Davros' plans while Sarah and Sevrin are forced to work on the completion of the Thals' rocket.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_01x13

fd_Gilmore_Girls_01x13_0

1.13 - Concert Interruptus CUT TO LORELAI'S ROOM [Lorelai looking through her closet. Rory laying on her bed] LORELAI: Absolutely nothing. RORY: Oh come on. LORELAI: I'm sorry, I'm looking but there is nothing in here. RORY: Oh, you're kidding right? LORELAI: No, everything in here I wear. RORY: What? LORELAI: I do. There's nothing to give up. RORY: The red and black halter top? LORELAI: Oh, no. RORY: Why? LORELAI: Uh, it's a classic. RORY: It's got rhinestones and zebra stripes on it. LORELAI: So? RORY: Tassels. LORELAI: Yes. RORY: It has tassels mom. LORELAI: Ok, I've had this since I was 17 RORY: Ok, I'm sorry did I mention the tassels? LORELAI: You are heartless and unsentimental. RORY: And you are a hopeless packrat. LORELAI: I don't understand why I have to up root my happy family of clothing anyway. RORY: Because it's a charity rummage sale. LORELAI: I know. RORY: That you helped organize. LORELAI: Ok. RORY: And volunteered to run. LORELAI: It was very, very hot in that room that day, I was dehydrated. They could've talked me into anything. RORY: It was your idea. LORELAI: Ok, I am a very sick woman and that should be apparent to anyone. RORY: Ok, get out of the way. LORELAI: [Blocking her closet] What are you doing? RORY: Step away from the closet please. [pushes her aside] LORELAI: Oh! Oh, this is so unfair! Oh no, no, no. [Rory takes a section out of her closet] Not that whole chunk! Well, just - ok take that, that's ugly. Just that one...no...uh. RORY: [walking to the dresser] Ok, now all of this goes [pointing to clothes in her arms] I want you to come over here to this dresser, open up the top drawer and take out everything that you'd be embarrassed to be wearing during a car accident. Meet me downstairs. [leaves. Over her shoulder] Move! CUT GILMORE LIVING ROOM RORY: Sweater? LANE: Over here. RORY: Jeans? LANE: In back of you. RORY: A big furry purple thing that could be either a hat, a toilet paper cover or some kind of dirty hand puppet. LANE: Mystery box on the left. [Luke enters with two bags] LUKE: Hey. RORY: Hey Luke. LUKE: Where do you want these? RORY: What do you have? LUKE: Clothes, rags and some old pots and pans [holding up respective bag at a time] RORY: Kitchenware can go in the kitchen and the clothes can go right over there. LUKE: Ok. [heads for the kitchen after putting clothes down] LORELAI: [comes down the stairs] Here Grinch. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: Who wants cheese? RORY: Are there crackers? LORELAI: Somewhere in the state of Connecticut, yes there are crackers. RORY: And the Gilmore house? LORELAI: Who wants cheese? LANE: Me please. Um, kittens in the toilet poster? [holds up poster] RORY: Another one? LANE: This one's signed. LORELAI: [from the kitchen] Ah! There a man in my kitchen, somebody call the constable. LUKE: [coming into the living room. Lorelai following] You're mom's a fruit cake. LORELAI: Fruit cakes by the door please. LUKE: Good bye Rory, I wish you luck - [looks at Lorelai] with everything. RORY: I appreciate that. LORELAI: Ok, so rummage sale's Sunday, today is Tuesday. At this rate, we are going to be sleeping in the yard by Thursday. We have got to start getting some of this stuff out of the living room. TAYLOR: Hello? LORELAI: Go away. TAYLOR: I have a full set of dishes. RORY: Come on in Taylor. LORELAI: Oh, um, dishes in the kitchen please. TAYLOR: Ok, but I have to explain something first. LORELAI: Fine go ahead. TAYLOR: The butter dish has a small chip in it. LORELAI: Safety tip - got it. TAYLOR: It's fine. I filed down the chip and if you place it strategically on the table, nobody will ever know. LORELAI: Uh, Taylor, would you like to write out some sort of instruction manual to go with the dishes? TAYLOR: Oh, could I? LORELAI: Notepad's in the kitchen. [Lorelai looks through bags] LORELAI: Ooh, that's nice. RORY: Put that back. LORELAI: But it has rhinestones on it. RORY: The point of this is to get crap out of here, not to trade it in for new crap. LORELAI: Ok, are you seeing this? RORY: Yes I am. LORELAI: No, I don't think you are, because if you were seeing this, you would see that this obviously has Lorelai' written all over it. RORY: Fine, we'll just get rid of it at next year's sale. LORELAI: Thank you. [Sookie enters] SOOKIE: Ok, you guys are gonna love me. LORELAI: We already love you. SOOKIE: No, I mean you're really gonna love me. LORELAI: We do. SOOKIE: Trust me, you guys are gonna so love me. LORELAI: Ok, the love is starting to fade now Sookie. SOOKIE: I have here in my hand, as requested by Ms. Lorelai Gilmore, four fabulous tickets to the Bangles at the Pastorella theater on Saturday! LORELAI: What? RORY: No? SOOKIE: Do you love me? LORELAI: Oh baby do I! LANE: Are these good seats? These look like good seats. SOOKIE: 9th row, aisle. LORELAI: I can't believe you got me my tickets! Well, how did you score these? SOOKIE: Remember the Birnbaum wedding? LORELAI: Fiji fantasy? SOOKIE: Yes. They were so thrilled with the volcano wedding cake that they wanted to do something nice for me and since Mr. Birnbaum runs a ticket agency and I knew you were dying to so, so I asked him if he could... LORELAI: Make four girls very happy. SOOKIE: Yeah and he did! LORELAI: Huzzah for the Birnbaums! RORY: Hey Sookie, if you got four tickets and you and mom go, then that means... SOOKIE: Hmm, one for you and one for Lane! [Lane and Sookie hug] Oh, chickadee! LORELAI: This is gonna be a very special night. And you know what a very, very special night deserves? RORY: What? LORELAI: [pulls out a hot pink dress] A new outfit! RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Yes. RORY: No. LORELAI: What could the problem be? RORY: This is the tackiest... CUT TO CHILTON MS. CALDECOTT: As I mentioned yesterday, we will be holding a debate next week. Your subject Did Charles I receive a fair trial' The pros will represent the parliament who deemed they had sovereignty and the cons will represent the monarch and try and prove that the charge against him was not legal. What is fascinating Mr. Dugray? [catching him looking at Rory] TRISTIN: Uh, nothing Ms. Caldecott. MS. CALDECOTT: Nothing Mr. Dugray? TRISTIN: My notes - my notes are fascinating Ms. Caldecott. MS. CALDECOTT: Yes they are fascinating Mr. Dugray. As I was saying, the pro and con teams will each have two minutes and 30 seconds for introductions, six minutes to debate, three minutes for conclusions and five minutes for questions from the audience. The winner shall be decided by a hand count from the rest of the class. Does that sound like fun Mr. Dugray? [again, he's looking at Rory] TRISTIN: What? MS. CALDECOTT: The debate. Does it sound like fun? TRISTIN: Yes, it does. MS. CALDECOTT: It does, doesn't it Mr. Dugray? TRISTIN: Oh, it absolutely does Ms. Caldecott. MS. CALDECOTT: More fun than staring at Miss Gilmore's ear? TRISTIN: Yes Ms. Caldecott. MS. CALDECOTT: Yeah, I think so too. Ok, any questions? Good, I'll assign your teams. [Pointing] You, you, you, you - con. You, you, you, you, - pro. [in background for next two lines] You, you, you, you - con. You, you, you - PARIS: [whispers] Who did she point to? MADELINE: [whispers] Well I think she... [looking at Louise and Rory] PARIS: [stands up] Excuse me, Ms. Caldecott? MS. CALDECOTT: Miss Geller? PARIS: I wasn't sure who you pointed to just now. MS. CALDECOTT: Oh, uh, let's see. You, Miss Lynn, Miss Grant and Miss Gilmore. PARIS: Are you sure? MS. CALDECOTT: Yes I am, but thank you for asking. [Paris sits] Ok, you, you, you and you - pro. You and you - con. CUT TO HALLWAY [Paris, Louise, Madeline and Rory standing around] RORY: So I guess we should make a plan. MADELINE: To do what? PARIS: To work out our debate Madeline. MADELINE: Oh, yeah right. LOUISE: We need a place to work. PARIS: My house is out. LOUISE: Why? PARIS: Because it is. LOUISE: You need a reason. PARIS: My mother is having the entire place redone, she wants all evidence of my father out of there. So unless you want to sit on no furniture, while watching three Harvey Fierstein impersonators rip up the carpet and paint everything a ridiculous shade of white and call it angel's kiss' then we're going to have to find somebody else's house to go to. MADELINE: My brother has the measels. LOUISE: My mom's having an affair. RORY: Well I guess we can go to my house. I mean, we're having a town rummage sale so it's kind of a mess, but it's there. LOUISE: Isn't your house kind of far? RORY: It's thirty minutes away by bus. LOUISE: Bus? I don't do bus'. RORY: Well if you have a better suggestion - PARIS: I'll drive. RORY: Ok, so then tomorrow. MADELINE: Tomorrow. LOUISE: Fine. PARIS: Fine. TRISTIN: [walks right past Rory] Hey Paris. PARIS: Tristin, hi. TRISTIN: You know I was really hoping we'd be in the same group. PARIS: You were? TRISTIN: Oh yeah. I mean, it would make the long hours of studying go by a lot faster. Plus, come on - you and me on the same team, we'd wipe the floor with the others. I guess we'll just have to pair up on something else then huh? PARIS: That would be good. TRISTIN: Yeah it would. I'll see you later. Bye Madeline, bye Louise. LOUISE: Tristin suddenly has very big eyes for you grandma. MADELINE: Lucky. PARIS: Stop it, he's just being nice. MADELINE: He should be so nice to me. LOUISE: And me. PARIS: We need to get to class [the three of them leave. Paris is smiling.] CUT TO RORY AND LANE WALKING TO KIM HOUSE RORY: Tomorrow. LANE: Wow. RORY: Yup. LANE: All three of them huh? RORY: Double, double toil and trouble. LANE: Well, it should make for an interesting afternoon. RORY: With the pricking of my thumb, something wicked this way comes. LANE: You're doing very well in the Shakespeare class aren't you? RORY: Not bad. LANE: Good. RORY: Thanks. Ok so what's the plan? LANE: We'll go in and ask her if I can go to a play tomorrow night with you and Lorelai. RORY: A play? LANE: I think that's the safest word. Show or concert would be very bad. RORY: What about saying it's a movie? LANE: Too far from the truth - almost a lie. RORY: But a play is not a lie? LANE: Well it's far away from the truth that it might work but close enough to the truth that I think I can negotiate a purgatory stint if forced to. RORY: Play it is. LANE: Ok, we're going in. [pan to inside Kim household] MAN: Are you sure it's an original Queen Anne? MRS. KIM: Yes - original. MAN: The joints look wrong. MRS. KIM: Joints are fine. MAN: They look new. MRS. KIM: Not new, nothing's new - whole store is old. MAN: Do you have a certificate or a letter that you write saying that it's old. MRS. KIM: Yes, I'll write a letter. MAN: Ok, well I guess if it's really old, I'll take it. MRS. KIM: We appreciate your business. LANE: [whispers to Rory] She just made a sale, now is a good time. [louder] Hi mama. MRS. KIM: What's wrong? LANE: Nothing. MRS. KIM: You look flushed. LANE: I do? MRS. KIM: You eat candy? LANE: No. MRS. KIM: Doughnut? LANE: No. MRS. KIM: Hostess fruit-pie? LANE: No, nothing, I'm fine. RORY: Hello Mrs. Kim. MRS. KIM: Rory. LANE: Mama can I talk to you for a minute? MRS. KIM: I'm busy. LANE: I know, I was just wondering if I could go somewhere tomorrow with Rory and her mom. MRS. KIM: Tomorrow is church. LANE: This would be after church. MRS. KIM: After church we think about what we heard in church. LANE: Well I thought I could think about what I heard in church on the way to the show. MRS. KIM: Show? RORY: Play. LANE: Not show, play - it's a play mama. MRS. KIM: Tell me about this play. What's it about? LANE: Ok, well, it's about a group of people who own instruments and stand in front of other people holding them. MRS. KIM: What? LANE: I'm not sure what it's about. RORY: We could find out. MRS. KIM: You find out, then we talk. MAN: Excuse me, I'd really like that letter if you don't mind. MRS. KIM: Yes I'm coming. [leaves] RORY: How's that purgatory negotiation looking? LANE: Not good. RORY: What do we do now? LANE: I'll ask again later. RORY: Well call me if you need anything. LANE: Thanks, I will. CUT TO LUKE'S WITH A RUMMAGE SALE SIGN IN THE WINDOW LUKE: If you want coffee, you'll have to wait. RORY: Hey Luke, someone put a sign for the rummage sale up in your window over there. LUKE: You can have decaf right now if you're in a hurry. RORY: You should call the cops about this. I mean we all know how you feel about public displays of town affection. LUKE: Your mom asked me to put it there ok? RORY: And you said yes? LUKE: She's not real good with no'. RORY: No she's not. LUKE: For every second you laugh at me, that's one second longer you're waiting for coffee. RORY: Sorry, no laughing. [he leaves] [Lorelai walks in with a black and brown polka dot cowboy hat on] LORELAI: Margaret Atworthy just dropped off three boxes of city council pot holders and begged me to take her grandson. People are getting crazy man. What? RORY: What are you wearing? LORELAI: Hey, we have already argued about the sweatshirt. RORY: Yes but we have not argued about the hat. LORELAI: What hat? RORY: The one on your head, Annie Oakley. LORELAI: It's great isn't it? RORY: As nice as it is that you're single handedly trying to rebuild the bridge, you have got to stop buying up other people's junk. LORELAI: The money goes to charity. I look cute. Case closed. Oh finally, the coffee cavalry arrives. LUKE: What the hell do you think you're wearing? LORELAI: A hat. LUKE: Take that off. LORELAI: What? LUKE: Now that is not yours, take it off. LORELAI: But I'll have hat hair. LUKE: I'm talking about the sweatshirt. LORELAI: Luke calm down. LUKE: That is not yours. LORELAI: No, I found it in the bags of stuff for the sale. LUKE: Oh so you just find something and then you take it is that it? LORELAI: No, I paid for it. LUKE: Oh so that makes it alright. LORELAI: It makes it legal. What is the matter with you? LUKE: Nothing. Nothing is the matter. LORELAI: Luke... LUKE: Pour your own coffee. [puts coffee pot down on the counter and leaves] CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE [Living room is stuffed with bags/boxes of stuff to the point where you can't see furniture] LORELAI: [sighs] Ok just a question. Did anyone in town keep anything? SOOKIE: Doesn't look like it. LORELAI: I'm never being civic-minded again. SOOKIE: Honey, you're doing a good thing. [falls] Ow! LORELAI: Sookie! SOOKIE: I'm ok. LORELAI: Wave an arm. SOOKIE: [Waving her arm] Here. LORELAI: I gotcha. [takes her hand and starts to pull her up] SOOKIE: Hold on, something down here likes me. LORELAI: Oh. SOOKIE: Yeah, I'm good. Hold on. Up, please. RORY: Jeez this stuff is like tribbles. LORELAI: Oh, thank God - just in time. Grab a bag and move it to the side of the room and be very careful, this pile just tried to eat Sookie. RORY: Maybe I should sic it on Paris when she gets here. LORELAI: Oh my God, that's right. You're studying here today. RORY: Any minute actually. LORELAI: Oh this place is such a pit. RORY: Mom don't worry about it. They'll come in, they'll make a face, they'll say something snotty, we'll study, they'll leave. I'm just looking forward to this whole day being over, then I can concentrate on the concert. LORELAI: Yeah. MISS PATTY: Lorelai, sweetheart would you come outside please? I want to know where you want me to put these. LORELAI: Coming Patty! SOOKIE: Ok, two very large porcelain squirrels. LORELAI: Set them free. SOOKIE: Will do. [Pan to outside. Patty's standing in front of big drums.] LORELAI: Wow, huh. These are great. They'll really come in handy when we finally organize that giant marching band we've been talking about. MISS PATTY: I danced on these drums at the Copacabana in 1969. LORELAI: Wow. MISS PATTY: Yeah, it was a great act. I wore bananas. LORELAI: Oh please, tell me you have a picture of that. MISS PATTY: [chuckles] A lot of memories happened on these drums. But I guess it's time to move on. LORELAI: Yeah, sure. Now you'll finally have room for the enormous tuba you've hand your eyes on. [Miss Patty looks at her] Just leave - leave these here. [Inside] RORY: [on the phone] Yeah, you too. Bye. [hangs up] That was Lane [to Lorelai] LORELAI: Oh and what's the verdict? RORY: She decided to be stupid and tell her mother the truth - that she wanted to go to a rock concert with us tonight in New York. LORELAI: Stupid. RORY: Stupid. LORELAI: I'm so sorry. RORY: I'm making coffee. MISS PATTY: Well this looks really familiar. [picking up Lorelai's sweatshirt] LORELAI: Oh, that's mine. Er, I saw it first and then I bought it so it's mine now. MISS PATTY: Really? Who brought it in? LORELAI: I think Luke did and judging by his very hostile reaction he obviously wasn't done wearing it yet. MISS PATTY: Oh my, I wonder if - LORELAI: What? MISS PATTY: [to Sookie] I bet this was Rachel's. SOOKIE: Oh my God - Rachel's? LORELAI: Rachel? Who's Rachel? SOOKIE: Rachel was Luke's very serious girlfriend. It does look like her. LORELAI: When did Luke have a girlfriend? MISS PATTY: Oh this must have been what, five, six years ago? Did she break that man's heart. It was terrible. LORELAI: How did I not know about this? SOOKIE: Honey, you had an 11 year old kid and you were just moving into this house. Plus Rachel traveled all the time. She was a photographer. MISS PATTY: Archeologist. SOOKIE: Really? MISS PATTY: Or a flight attendant. LORELAI: I can't believe I never even heard about it. MISS PATTY: At least I think so. SOOKIE: Well Luke never talks about it. No one else likes to talk about it because he could probably kill you with that coffee pot if he wanted to. LORELAI: Wow. I never pictured Luke having a girlfriend, or a broken heart. MISS PATTY: Well I would keep this hidden if I were you. Well I gotta be going. Trampoline class at two. SOOKIE: Bye Patty. MISS PATTY: Bye. LORELAI: Bye, thanks for the drums. SOOKIE: Ok, these all need to be mended. LORELAI: My room. SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. Ok. [Lorelai looks out the window and sees Paris, Madeline and Louise getting out of a car] LORELAI: Rory, I think your friends are here. She must be one great babysitter to earn enough money for that car. RORY: Let's just get this over with. LORELAI: Take heart my dear. Suffer today party tonight. LORELAI: [Opens front door] Hi. LOUISE: Hi. MADELINE: Hi. LORELAI: Come one in. RORY: So did you guys find it ok? PARIS: There's no sign on this street. RORY: I know, that's why I told you to turn right at the big rooster statue. PARIS: I thought you were kidding. LORELAI: Oh no, we never kid about Monty. LOUISE: Monty? LORELAI: Monty the rooster - Monty. LOUISE: Oh. RORY: Everybody this is my mom. LORELAI: Lorelai. RORY: This is Louise, Madeline and Paris. LORELAI: Ah, very good girl-group names. Ok, so, um sorry about the house of horrors here. Some crazy lady volunteered to lead this charity thing and we're trying to get her some help, so make yourselves comfortable. Rory, just yell when you guys want pizza. RORY: Ok. LORELAI: Ok. [goes upstairs] RORY: So do you guys want to work in here or in the kitchen? PARIS: Whatever. RORY: Ok. [they sit in the livingroom] PARIS: Ok, so here's how it should go. Madeline will do the introductions, I'll handle the debate, Rory will do the onclusion and Louise will take questions. RORY: Why do you automatically get to handle the debate? PARIS: Because I'm the most experienced at it. MADELINE: Trust me, you want her to handle the debate. She never gives up. LOUISE: Le pitbull. RORY: Ok. LOUISE: So what is all this stuff? [going through some bags] RORY: Uh, it's for a big town rummage sale. MADELINE: Like a charity thing? RORY: Yeah. There's this old bridge that's completely falling apart and the town's trying to save it. LOUISE: Oh cool hat. PARIS: Put that down. It's used. LOUISE: Vintage dear. PARIS: Filthy darling. MADELINE: There's this great store under my therapist office who has the best vintage clothes. I found an original Pucci top for practically nothing. LOUISE: Oh Pucci is very big right now. MADELINE: Is this a Pucci? [holding up a shirt] RORY: No, that's a patty. LOUISE: A patty? RORY: Miss Patty. She's a dance teacher here. These are some of her old costumes. LOUISE: Oh here Paris. Tristin might like this [holds up a pink sequence dress] PARIS: Can we just work please? LOUISE: Ugh. I would love to have a boyfriend that looked like Tristin. MADELINE: Your boyfriend's no slouch either. RORY: No he's not. LOUISE: Oh yes - 6'2... and fiesty. So how's that going? Are you two still Joanie loves Chachi'? RORY: God, I hope not. MADELINE: You are still together aren't you? RORY: Yeah, we're still together. LOUISE: How long has it been? RORY: I don't know. MADELINE: You do too. RORY: About a month. LOUISE: Oh, lifers. PARIS: Hey! MADELINE: Jeez. PARIS: We have a debate to organize here and this conversation is quickly veering towards the subject of french kissing and glitter eye shadow - trashy or trendy? And I for one have no intention of being humiliated in front of the whole class because we were forced to study in the middle of a carnival and you two couldn't keep your eye on the prize! I want to win and I'm going to win. LOUISE: So how good of a kisser is Paul Bunyan anyway? [Louise, Madeline and Rory giggle.] [Pan to Lorelai's room] SOOKIE: Ok, does anyone in town have a peg leg? LORELAI: Uh...no. SOOKIE: Hem these. LORELAI: So tell me more about this Rachel? SOOKIE: Why are you so curious? LORELAI: Well because apparently everybody in town knows everything about it and I don't like to be out of the loop. SOOKIE: It's old news. LORELAI: Yes but I'm fascinated. I mean, I go to Luke's once a day, sometimes twice - three times if Michel has talked to one of his relatives and his accent has gotten thicker. I feel I should know the whole story. What happened? Where'd she go? SOOKIE: Well, Rachel liked to move around a lot. She was very adventurous person. She loved to climb things and fling herself off of cliffs and dive into these really tiny lakes and ride big wild horses and fly planes. LORELAI: So she was wonder woman. SOOKIE: She was to Luke. I thought they were going to get married. LORELAI: What happened? SOOKIE: The rumour is that Starts Hollow was too small for her. She wanted to live somewhere more exciting. LORELAI: But Luke didn't. SOOKIE: Mm. You know Luke. He lived here all his life. He wouldn't even go away for college. I think we're going to bury him in that diner. LORELAI: Wow. It's sad. SOOKIE: Yeah. Ok, well I am done here. I'm gonna stop by the inn for a while and then I am gonna go home and I'm gonna change for the show tonight. LORELAI: We leave at 6. SOOKIE: I will be here, bye [Pan to living room] PARIS: We'll need the actual quotes so learn them by heart. MADELINE: What about using note cards. PARIS: Note cards look sloppy. We will know our information. MADELINE: But the other teams will use note cards. PARIS: And the other team will lose. SOOKIE: Bye girls, Rory, see you tonight! RORY: Bye Sookie. LORELAI: What's tonight? RORY: We've got tickets to see the Bangles at the Pastorella theatre. MADELINE: In New York? RORY: Yeah. LOUISE: Sounds potentially not boring. RORY: It's gonna be great actually and the seats are amazing. MADELINE: Who are you going with? RORY: My mom and Sookie. LOUISE: You're kidding? RORY: What? LOUISE: You're going to a concert with your mom? RORY: Yeah. MADELINE: I cannot imagine doing anything like that with my mom. RORY: Actually we do stuff like this all the time. MADELINE: Really? RORY: Yeah. MADELINE: Wow. LOUISE: Hey, how old is your mom anyways? RORY: 32. MADELINE: Young. LOUISE: So that means she had you when she was... PARIS: 16. She had her when she was 16. We've done the math, can we just ooh' and aah' about this quickly and get back to work? LOUISE: 16. I'm 16. MADELINE: So am I. PARIS: We're all 16 ok. Everybody in this room is 16. RORY: Paris is right. We should work. PARIS: Thank you. LOUISE: I can't imaging having a baby at 16. PARIS: Well then keep your knees shut. LOUISE: Very nice. MADELINE: Do you think your mom is sorry she got pregnant so young? PARIS: Of course she is. RORY: Why thank you. PARIS: I didn't meant that. I just meant that... RORY: I mean, I don't think she would recommend it but I think she's happy with how things turned out. LORELAI: I am? RORY: Yes you are. LORELAI: Ok, just checking. Hey, I'm starving, is it pizza time yet? RORY: Are you guys hungry? MADELINE: I am. PARIS: I can't eat dairy. LORELAI: Ok, one with cheese, one without. Cokes? RORY: Yes please. MADELINE: Me too. PARIS: We're never going to finish. LOUISE: I find your mother completely fascinating. RORY: Funny - so does she. LOUISE: It's almost more like having a big sister. MADELINE: And you like her don't you? RORY: She's my best friend. LOUISE: Truly, completely fascinating. LORELAI: [from the kitchen] Rory come in here a sec! RORY: I'll be right back. [Pan to kitchen] LORELAI: Hey, how's it going in there? RORY: Truly, completely fascinating. LORELAI: Really? RORY: Well we've basically gotten no work down at all. Paris is having a meltdown, which by the way is always fun. LORELAI: Sounds it. RORY: And, I don't know, we've just been talking. LORELAI: Well, I think you're actually making some friends here. RORY: Let's not get ahead of ourselves. They've basically just moved off the plan to dump the pig's blood on me at the prom, that's all. LORELAI: Talking, chatting, no work being done - there's friend potential going on. RORY: Maybe - with Louise and Madeline at least. LORELAI: Two out or three formerly psychotic enemies - not bad. There [handing Rory a plate]- pop-tart appetizers to tide you over till the pizza comes. RORY: Thanks [turns to leave] LORELAI: Hey, I have kind of a crazy idea. RORY: Those are never comforting words coming from you. LORELAI: Just consider this ok? RORY: Ok. LORELAI: Now, we have four tickets to the show tonight. RORY: Yes we do. LORELAI: What if I give them to you? You take them. RORY: What are you talking about? LORELAI: Well, it just seems like you guys have kind of a bonding thing going on in there, it might be fun. RORY: But what about you? LORELAI: No, no you and I have already bonded. In fact, if we bond any further, we will be permanently fused together. RORY: You've been talking about this concert since you heard about it. LORELAI: I can still go. RORY: How? LORELAI: Sookie and I can buy cheap seats when we get there. RORY: These tickets are 9th row aisle - dream seats. LORELAI: Look, you don't have to do this, but I just think you have three years of Chilton ahead of you and it might be nice to have some friendly type people to talk to there. And I don't know, you guys seem to be getting along, it might be good. And I totally don't mind, I just want to see the show, I don't care from what seat. RORY: Are you sure? LORELAI: Completely sure. RORY: Because I - LORELAI: Oh ladies! [taking plate and going into the living room] Hey what are you guys doing tonight? MADELINE: Why? LORELAI: Well we have these really great tickets to see the Bangles at the Pastorella theater and Rory thought you might like to come along. MADELINE: Are you serious? LOUISE: No way. RORY: Yeah - I mean if you guys want to. MADELINE: I would love to go. LOUISE: Count me in. RORY: Paris, what about you? PARIS: I can't. LOUISE: Yes you can. PARIS: No, I can't. LOUISE: Because you're busy doing what? PARIS: I have homework. MADELINE: She'll be there. RORY: Good. LORELAI: Great. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO NY [In the theater. Sookie squeals] RORY: He made it [Louise and Madeline look at bracelet Dean made for her] MADELINE: Oh he's handy. How great. LOUISE: And you wear it all the time right? LORELAI: Just when she's breathing. SOOKIE: It's a love thing. RORY: Thanks for the contributions. LORELAI: Ok here [offers tickets but pulls them back] Ah! With these tickets you are about to enter sacred space, you will be treading on hallowed ground, you will be walking like and Egyptian. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Take'em. Oh you're going to have a great time. The Bangles are the best! They were my favorite band in high school. I almost named you Susanna. The day I found out you had no musical talent at all was the saddest day of my life. RORY: I'm sorry. LORELAI: Well you say that now. Here, ok, these are probably located - Hi! [to usher] USHER: Hi. LORELAI: Can you tell me where these seats are? USHER: Uh, those are right in here. LORELAI: Oh good, girls...ok, here's the deal. Take the tickets, go to your seats, have the night of a lifetime - Bangle it up. The second the concert is over, meet us outside in front of the theater got it? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: Good! Now go! RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: You're welcome. [to Sookie] Ok, let's go make our noses bleed. SOOKIE: After you. PARIS: Which aisle is it? LOUISE: We're almost there. MADELINE: I have never sat this close to a stage before. In fact, I've never even really been to a concert before so I could be sitting at the back and say the same thing. LOUISE: In here. MADELINE: Oh good. RORY: Wow, these are amazing seats. LOUISE: [checking out the cute guys in the row behind them] Yes they are. RORY: [to Paris] What are they looking at? PARIS: One guess. [Rory looks behind them at the guys] GUY: Check it out, we've got fans [seeing Rory] PARIS: Was I right? [as Rory turns back] RORY: You were right. PARIS: And before it's dark, they'll have every picnic basket that's in Jelly Stone park. [Pan to Sookie and Lorelai climbing stairs] SOOKIE: Did you ever see Everest? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: It's a good movie. LORELAI: We must be getting close, we're running out of rows. SOOKIE: And 1,000. Ok, we're here. LORELAI: Great. Ok, this is fine [sitting] SOOKIE: Not bad at all. [Lorelai starts to laugh] What? What? What is so funny? LORELAI: [laughing] These are the worst seats in the entire world! SOOKIE: They are, aren't they? LORELAI: Oh my God, it's so funny. [to guy next to her] Don't you think this is funny? GUY: You know, I don't. LORELAI: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. SOOKIE: Ooh, they're starting. Do you have a lighter? LORELAI: [laughing] You mean a flame thrower? [to guy] Do you get it? A flame thrower because it's so far. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen - The Bangles! [Bangles play. Pan to later during the concert, Rory and Paris are watching the concert and Louise and Madeline are flirting with the guys in the row behind them. Pan to Lorelai and Sookie] LORELAI: Hey, was Rachel pretty? SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: I'm just curious, was she pretty? SOOKIE: She was pretty. LORELAI: Like, what kind of pretty? SOOKIE: What do you mean what kind of pretty'? LORELAI: I mean, like was she a Catherine Zeta-Jones kind of pretty or a Michelle Pfiffer-y pretty or - SOOKIE: She was an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty. LORELAI: Really. SOOKIE: Yup. LORELAI: That's an intense kind of pretty. SOOKIE: You're not kidding. LORELAI: I never pictured Luke with an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty. SOOKIE: No? Pictured him more with a Lorelai Gilmore kind of pretty? LORELAI: Oh, the air up here must be very thin because you're delirious. SOOKIE: And you're jealous. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: You're jealous of Rachel. LORELAI: You're accusing me of being jealous of a woman who dumped a man I'm not even interested in five years ago? SOOKIE: Yes. LORELAI: And you don't think that's crazy? SOOKIE: Oh I do think that's crazy? LORELAI: Right, I'm not jealous. SOOKIE: Yeah you are. [Lorelai scoffs. Pan to girls] LOUISE: Oh my God! He is so gorgeous. RORY: I guess. LOUISE: Listen, there's a massive party going on right around the corner. RORY: So? LOUISE: So they invited us. RORY: Who? LOUISE: Jess and Sean, we've been talking to them this whole time, they're extremely cool. MADELINE: Are we going? RORY: Going where? MADELINE: To the party? RORY: There's a concert going on. LOUISE: The band won't miss us. RORY: We can't just leave Louise. LOUISE: It's America Rory. RORY: We have to meet my mom after the show. LOUISE: Oh come on. RORY: What do you mean Oh come on'. We have to meet my mother after the concert. The band may not miss us but Lorelai sure will. MADELINE: These guys are so cute. RORY: Oh that's great but we're not going anywhere. LOUISE: What are you afraid? RORY: Of going out into a strange city with two guys I don't know? Yeah. MADELINE: Rory please! RORY: No! LOUISE: Well we're going. RORY: No you're not. LOUISE: Paris, join please? PARIS: No, thanks. LOUISE: Fine, come on Madeline. RORY: And just what am I supposed to tell my mother? LOUISE: That you're a very good little girl. [gets up and leaves] RORY: Louise. MADELINE: The party's in a building on the corner of Waverly and First. Try to get away. [leaves] RORY: Madeline. MADELINE: We'll be back by the time the concert's over. PARIS: You know, I really like this band. [Pan to later. Rory and Paris waiting] PARIS: Well? RORY: I couldn't find Mom or Sookie anywhere. PARIS: So what do we do now? RORY: I guess we just wait here for them to find us. PARIS: Ok. RORY: I can't believe Louise and Madeline would just leave like that. PARIS: They've done it before. RORY: Nice. PARIS: Yeah, well. RORY: Can I ask you a question? PARIS: Maybe. RORY: What could you possibly see in Tristin? PARIS: You wouldn't understand. RORY: Is it just that he's cute? PARIS: Partly. RORY: Cause there are a lot of cute guys in the world. PARIS: Not like Tristin. RORY: He's just such a jerk. PARIS: He's not always a jerk. RORY: No? PARIS: No. RORY: Ok. When is not a jerk? PARIS: I've known Tristin a really long time ok? We've been in the same class since kindergarten. RORY: Really? PARIS: Yes...and he has things in his life that are hard. His parents - not so great. We have that in common. RORY: Ok. PARIS: He kissed me once. RORY: He did? PARIS: In the 6th grade - on a dare. RORY: How romantic. PARIS: You just don't know him like I do ok? RORY: Ok, I believe you. I just - I think maybe you could do better. PARIS: I know he's flirting with me to get to you, but at least he's flirting with me. LORELAI: Hey. RORY: There you are. LORELAI: Think fast [throws them a t-shirt each] T-shirts for all the girls because I'm the good witch of the - hey, aren't you missing a couple of kids? RORY: They left. LORELAI: Excuse me? RORY: Madeline and Louise met these guys and they - LORELAI: What guys? RORY: I don't know, they were sitting behind us and they were having a party. LORELAI: Unbelievable! SOOKIE: What's going on? LORELAI: They left. SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: Let's go, come on, move. CUT TO APARTMENT BUILDING LORELAI: I leave the house with four girls, I'm coming home with four girls. [knocks on a door] Hi, I'm looking for a couple of college boys, who might live here or have friends who live here. WOMAN: I don't talk to anyone. People annoy me. [closes door] LORELAI: [coming up to Sookie listening at a door] What? SOOKIE: She found him with the blonde again. PARIS: She's gonna knock on every door in the entire building isn't she? RORY: Yep. PARIS: Wow. LORELAI: [knocks] Hello? Is anyone home? SOOKIE: [knocks] Hello? [dog barks] Aah! Let's go follow your mother. PARIS: I wonder if I was missing if my mom would come looking for me like that. RORY: Paris, you know she would. PARIS: Yeah, or at least she'd send somebody. [Lorelai knocks on another door. There's music playing] SOOKIE: Music. LORELAI: Let's go. [knocks. Guy answers] RORY: Mom, that's one of the guys. GUY: Yeah? LORELAI: Thanks. Hi, could you move please? [enters] GUY: What? LORELAI: Hey, did you miss me? LOUISE: Lorelai. LORELAI: Ms. Gilmore. Put the cups down, let's move. GUY: Is there a problem? LORELAI: Yeah, see those two idiots over there? They're 16 - underage and I bet you're not. I also bet those big fancy party cups aren't holding lemonade. You really want to end any further conversations with me so step aside Skippy. Move your asses outside - now! [they leave apart.] Hey. I am not even going to begin to tell you how completely insane it is to take off with anyone you don't know, or drink things that you don't know what's in them, or act like you have a clue when you don't, but so help me God if you ever pull a stunt like this again, it will not be around my kid! Do you understand me? LOUISE: Yes. MADELINE: Yes. LORELAI: Good, now let's go. I can't wait to meet your parents. We have some catching up to do. I think we'll just talk and talk and talk all night long. PARIS: You know what? I think this is the best night I've ever had. CUT TO RUMMAGE SALE LANE: I cannot believe I missed it. RORY: The concert was amazing. LANE: Forget about the concert. I wanted to see Lorelai pull those idiots out of that guy's apartment. RORY: It definitely was a Kodak moment. LORELAI: Hey. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Hey, you didn't wake me up. RORY: I set the clock. LORELAI: Yes, but see the clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall giving me ample time to fall back to sleep, you however never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus ensuring the wake up process. LANE: I'm gonna get a soda, anybody want anything? RORY: Gum. LORELAI: Yes, the night of my 14th birthday back so I can right the green-hot-pant-roller-disco outfit wrong. LANE: Coming right up. LORELAI: Bye. So, talked to anybody today? RORY: You mean Madeline or Louise or Paris? LORELAI: Yes. RORY: No. LORELAI: Right. RORY: Though I bet school tomorrow will be really interesting. LORELAI: Oh yes - stories of Rory's Bangle's - obsessed mother ripping open apartment doors, scaring the pointy haired boys. RORY: Totally uncool, man. LORELAI: I had to do it Rory, they could've gotten hurt. RORY: I know. LORELAI: God, I thought inviting those girls out would make things easier for you at school. RORY: Yeah, well I've always thought easy' is completely overrated. LORELAI: Oh, that's my twisted girl. RORY: Plus Paris decided to let me split the debate time with her. LORELAI: Wow! [pause] Wait, why am I wowing? RORY: Because splitting debate time with Paris is like doing that whole spitting in your palm and shaking hands' friendship oath thing. LORELAI: But way less gross? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: Oh, good, I'm glad then. Oh, uh, I'll be right back. RORY: Ok. LORELAI: [coming up to Luke] Hey. LUKE: Oh, hey. LORELAI: Find anything good? LUKE: Oh yeah, I got some refrigerator magnets shaped like sushi for a nickel, so basically I scored. LORELAI: Oh good. LUKE: Hey, look, about that thing that happened the other day - LORELAI: Oh forget it. LUKE: I was a jerk, I didn't mean it. LORELAI: I know - really LUKE: Yeah well, I am sorry. LORELAI: I wanted to give this back to you [offering Rachel's sweatshirt] LUKE: Oh no, you bought it. LORELAI: I know but it's yours and I didn't know. LUKE: You didn't know? LORELAI: About the former owner. LUKE: Oh. LORELAI: If I had, I wouldn't have flaunted it in front of you like that. LUKE: Hey, it's not a big deal, I was having a bad day, that's it. Now I got magnetic sushi and all is right with the world. LORELAI: Ok good. So here. It obvious ly means something to you. LUKE: But you have to let things go eventually right? LORELAI: Yeah, but sometimes you need a little something to remind you. I mean you wouldn't want to forget everything would you? LUKE: No there was some stuff that I definitely would not want to forget. LORELAI: Well here, so you don't forget. LUKE: Thanks, can I pay you for it? LORELAI: In coffee, absolutely. LUKE: Alright. I'm not pining you know - LORELAI: I know LUKE: Just remembering. LORELAI: Got it. LUKE: Remembering is not pining. LORELAI: You're absolutely right. LUKE: It's just like a memento, like restaurant matches. LORELAI: I can see the resemblance. LUKE: Ok, well good. LORELAI: Bye Luke. LUKE: Bye.

Lorelai, Sookie, Rory, and Lane plan to attend The Bangles ' concert, but when Lane's mother finds the truth, she bans her from going. Lorelai and Sookie offer up the three tickets so Rory can take Madeline, Louise, and Paris, which backfires when Madeline and Louise take off with two mysterious boys for a party.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x02

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x02_0

-[Real World]- (Leroy and the rest of the 'dwarves' are gathered by the Storybrooke sign at the edge of the forest. Leroy spray paints an orange line, indicating the border of the town, while he lectures.) Leroy: This, gentlemen, is our mission. The great barrier of our existence - does it remain? We must investigate the line. (He pulls out a handful of straws.) Leroy: I made straws. Short one crosses. Draw. (The dwarves each pick a straw, one by one.) Happy: With the curse broken, we can cross, right? It should be no problem. Walter: With magic back, it could be even worse now. Doc: Like, vapourize us. Bashful: Let's go home. Leroy: Guys! We are the Royal Guard. Towards loyalty to Snow White. This is our chance to prove ourselves to the Prince. We must do this. (Everyone finishes picking straws.) Leroy: Show your hands. (They reveal their straws. Mr. Clark ends up with the short straw.) Leroy: You're up, snotty. (Leroy leads Mr. Clark to the border. However, he hesitates to step over it.) Mr. Clark: You know, what if we found a turtle and sort of nudged it over first? Leroy: Oh, for the love of... (Leroy pushes Mr. Clark over the line. The second he crosses, a magical force begins to act on him.) Leroy: Sneezy, you okay? Sneezy! [SCENE_BREAK] (On the main street, a few townspeople are attempting to clear away the damage caused by the wraith. Meanwhile, at August's room at Granny's, August's wooden form is still lying on the bed. He blinks. Outside of the town hall, the citizens of Storybrooke have set up a Crisis Center. Marco is putting up 'missing' posters of Pinocchio.) Marco: My boy... My poor boy. (Ruby appears to be one of the coordinators.) Ruby: If you are looking for a family member, come to the front table. If you need counseling, Dr. Hopper has a signup sheet. If the wraith damaged your house, there are cots at the school. Mother Superior: This is getting out of hand. People are in a panic. They don't know what to do. Ruby: It's okay. It'll be fine. We just need everyone to remain calm. I have a feeling our Prince is working on something right now. [SCENE_BREAK] (David knocks on Regina's door. When she answers, he lets himself in.) David: Tell me...about this. (He holds up Jefferson's crushed hat.) Regina: Surprised you don't have armed guards 'round the clock. David: Don't need 'em. We both know if you step outside, there's a line a mile long for your head. Regina: Who's going to risk coming at me? David: Take your chances, then. But I think that little wallpaper trick? Was an anomaly. If you had your abilities back, this town would be charcoal by now. You're having problems with magic, aren't you? Right now, the only thing keeping you alive? Is that Henry wishes it. Now, this. Regina: It's the hat that pulled your loved ones away. David: Well, where did you get it? Regina: I've long since forgotten. You know what? Maybe, you should be less concerned with hats, and more concerned with taking care of my son. David: Oh, because you took such great care of him. Regina: I will not listen to child care lectures from a man who put his daughter in a box and shipped her to Maine. David: Okay, listen. I need my family. There's magic here now. There will have to be ways to follow them. Regina: Follow them where? Into a sucking airless void? And good luck getting magic to work. Because, as you said, you'd be charcoal. David: Oh, frustrated, are we? Serves you right. You've earned every bit of this. Regina: Keep on baiting me, Charming. Right now, I don't have magic and I don't have my son. But, when I get one, I get the other. And you don't want to be around when that happens. David: If you have to use magic to keep your son, you don't really have him. -[Fairy Tale World]- (A young Evil Queen rides along a road in the woods on horseback.) Evil Queen: We're almost free! (Suddenly, several vines magically appear and pluck her from her horse, suspending her in the air. Cora appears with a book opened in her hands.) Cora: And I thought we were done with all this nonsense. Evil Queen: Hello, Mother. What evil have you conjured? Cora: Not evil, darling. A barrier spell. (Cora gently blows across the pages of the book, causing a black dust to lift off the pages. The vines release the Evil Queen.) Cora: Designed to keep you where you belong. Evil Queen: I can't leave? Cora: Not alone. Not without the King. We've been through this. In two days, you'll be married - you'll be Queen. After that, you're free to go - whenever you're with him. Evil Queen: Momma, I don't want to marry the King. I don't want this life! Cora: You're just frightened of having all that power. Evil Queen: I don't want power. I want to be free. Cora: Power is freedom. Don't worry. I'm here to show you. -[Real World]- (David arrives at the Crisis Center, where he spots Henry.) David: Henry! Have you seen Blue? Uh, Mother Superior? Henry: No. But everyone is looking for you. (Several people begin harassing David with questions.) Ruby: Do we know where Rump- Mr. Gold is? Archie: Wait! Does the Queen still have power? Marco: I thought I would find my boy. Henry: Please! We've got to be planning something! Dr. Whale: Hey, let me ask you something? Are the nuns still nuns? Or can they, you know, date? David: Uh, I don't know. Dr. Whale: Don't say it's me asking... David: Blue! (He spots Mother Superior.) David: Could there be a tree on this side? The way we sent Emma through as a baby. Maybe I could go after them that way. Mother Superior: It's possible, but without fairy dust to guide us here... No, it's hopeless. Henry: You'll find another way. In the book, things always look worse right before there's good news. (Leroy, along with the rest of the group, comes rushing in.) Leroy: Terrible news! Terrible news! We were out at the town limits. Tell them who you think you are, Sneezy. Mr. Clark: Oh, will you stop calling me that. You know who I am. I'm Tom Clark. I own the Dark Star(?) Pharmacy. What's going on here? Leroy: If you cross the border, you lose your memory all over again. Archie: A-And coming back doesn't fix it? Leroy: If it did, would I have come running in yelling 'terrible news'?! If we leave, our curse selves become our only selves. (The crowd begins to panic.) Henry: I wonder if my mom knows? (David separates himself from the crowd and attempts to leave, while Henry and the rest of them follow.) Henry: I can help! David: People! Everybody! Everybody meet back here in two hours. I'll tell you my plan to fix everything. (Ruby talks to David alone.) Ruby: What's the plan? David: I don't know. But I got two hours to figure it out. [SCENE_BREAK] (In her living room, Regina attempts to magically light a candle.) Regina: Come on... (The candle briefly flickers, and then goes out.) Regina: Light, damn you! (She picks up the candle and throws it in the fireplace in frustration. She heads to the front door, where she tentatively surveys the area outside her house. Seeing that the coast is clear, she starts to walk to her car, when she is approached by Archie.) Archie: Regina! I thought you might want to talk. Regina: Oh, right. The conscience thing. Archie: It's what I do. Regina: I'm in no mood. Archie: That's too bad, cause... Cause I think talking about your pain might be very helpful. Might help you learn who you truly are. Regina: I know who I am. -[Fairy Tale World]- (At the castle, the Evil Queen is doing a young Snow White's hair.) Evil Queen: What do you think, Snow? Snow White: It looks beautiful. Evil Queen: No, dear. You look beautiful. (Snow White looks in the jewelry box on the table next to her, and pulls out Daniel's ring. It is attached to a chain.) Snow White: What's this? Evil Queen: What? That's mine. (Snow White puts the ring around her neck.) Snow White: It's pretty. Where did you get it? Evil Queen: Daniel gave it to me. Snow White: The stable boy. The one who left you. Evil Queen: He didn't leave me. Snow White: What? Evil Queen: He was killed. Snow White: Oh, no... Evil Queen: He was killed because you couldn't keep a secret from my mother. Snow White: By... But she said... She told me she was going to help you. (The Evil Queen pulls on the chain around Snow White's neck and begins to strangle her.) Evil Queen: My mother corrupts young souls. If you were stronger, none of this would have happened. (The scene cuts to reality. The Evil Queen and Snow White are in the same setting.) Snow White: It's pretty. Where did you get it? Evil Queen: I don't remember. [SCENE_BREAK] (The Evil Queen and Henry I are walking outside the castle.) Evil Queen: Daddy, you don't know what Mother's doing to me. It's like she's turning me into her. I have to get away. Henry I: Get away? But tomorrow's the wedding, child. Evil Queen: I don't want to marry the King. I've told you that. Henry I: Well, you're certain it isn't just cold feet? Evil Queen: Daddy, this is not cold feet. This... This is... This is insanity. I'm angry all the time. She's making me crazy. Henry I: She wants to give you everything she never got for herself. Evil Queen: I don't want her life. I want a life of my own. How did she get like this? Henry I: There was a man. Well, not quite a man. Someone Cora knew before I met her. He brought magic to her. Gave her that book of spells. He made her like she is. Evil Queen: What was his name? Henry I: I don't know. Cora won't even say it. Evil Queen: But the book is his? -[Real World]- (Regina enters Mr. Gold's Pawn Shop. Seeing that he's not there, she begins to rummage through his books. Mr. Gold enters.) Mr. Gold: The library's beneath the clock tower. You closed it, remember? When you still had power. Regina: I need the book. I need to get my son back. Mr. Gold: Which book? Ah. So, it's come down to that, eh? You need your mommy's help? Regina: Give me the book. Mr. Gold: Do you really need the smell of the written word to get the magic flowing again, love? Maybe if you relaxed, it would just happen. Regina: I don't have time. It worked once, I know I can do it. I just... I just need a shortcut back. Mr. Gold: Yeah, well, I don't have time, either. Leave. Please. (Nothing happens.) Regina: Well, how about that. Your 'pleases' have lost their punch. Mr. Gold: Well, the fact remains, jumpstarting your magic is not in my best interest. Regina: You know what else isn't in your best interest? Having everyone know the Enchanted Forest still exists. Knowing that, you and I, are keeping that little secret. You're up to something. And it doesn't involve going back home. (Regina goes to look in a chest on the counter, but Mr. Gold stops her. He magically produces the book.) Mr. Gold: Careful, dearie. These are straight up spells. Rough in the system. Regina: I don't care if they turn me green. I'm getting my son back. (She grabs the book from him and heads to the door.) Mr. Gold: Oh my... Regina: What? Mr. Gold: It's just, holding that... I told you once you didn't look like her, but now... Now I can see it. -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen attempts to summon Rumpelstiltskin in her chambers. She has difficulty pronouncing his name.) Evil Queen: Rumpelshtil- Rumpelshtilshin, I summon thee. (Rumpelstiltskin appears.) Rumpelstiltskin: That's not how you say it, dearie. But then, you didn't have to say anything. Evil Queen: What are you? Rumpelstiltskin: What, what, what. My, my. What a rude question. I am not a 'what'. Evil Queen: I'm sorry. I... I don't really know what I'm doing. Rumpelstiltskin: That much is clear. Allow me to introduce myself - Rumpelstiltskin. Evil Queen: And I'm- Rumpelstiltskin: Regina. I know. Evil Queen: You do? Rumpelstiltskin: But of course. Evil Queen: Because of my mother, Cora. You taught her? Rumpelstiltskin: My legend precedes me. Evil Queen: People say I look like her when she was younger. Rumpelstiltskin: Really? (He takes a closer look at her.) Rumpelstiltskin: I don't see it. No, that's not how I know you. Evil Queen: Oh? How then? Rumpelstiltskin: I knew you long ago, dearie. It's been some time, but I knew this day would come. I've been waiting for it. And I'm so happy, we're back where we belong. Evil Queen: And where's that? Rumpelstiltskin: Together. -[Real World]- (Regina is sitting under her apple tree, tightly grasping the book she received from Mr. Gold.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mary Margaret's apartment, David practices a speech in front of the mirror while Henry watches.) David: People of Storybrooke. I know we're trapped together again, and things look bleak. But... They're not. Henry: No, keep going. You were on to something. David: No, I wasn't. I did the fighting, Snow did the talking. (David pulls the hat out of his bag.) Henry: Can I see that? David: Yeah. Henry: I think I know what this is. (Henry flips through the pages in his book until he finds the story about the Mad Hatter.) Henry: It's the Mad Hatter's hat. It's a portal between worlds. David: The Mad Matter... Henry: You've heard of him? David: No. I-I mean, yeah. I mean, the prince me doesn't know him, but David had memories of reading Alice in Wonderland in school. I need to get it to work again. Who is he? I-I mean, who is he here? Henry: I don't know. Maybe he'll check in at the Crisis Center. You could check after the thing. David: What thing? Henry: The meeting? Where you tell us about your plan, remember? The speech you were doing? David: Right. I'll be back for that. (David leaves while Henry tries to come with him.) Henry: Gramps, you got to use me. Come on! The curse was broken cause of me. Let me help! (He hears the door shut.) Henry: Or...not. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr. Gold is packing a bag with several brochures and maps, when David barges in.) Mr. Gold: It appears when I bought that closed sign, I was just throwing my money away. David: Looks like it. Mr. Gold: Sorry to hear about your wife and daughter. If you're looking for a retrieval, I'm afraid portal jumping is just outside my purview. David: Of course it is. Mr. Gold: So, what's the commotion outside? David: Oh, a little stir at the border. Problem crossing the line. Mr. Gold: Do tell. David: Actually, I'm here to buy something. A way to find someone. Mr. Gold: Well, like a map? David: Something with a bit more kick. Like the ring you gave me to find Snow. Mr. Gold: Ah, yeah, magic. Whom are you following? David: Not telling. Mr. Gold: So, do you have something of theirs, this missing person? David: Yes. Mr. Gold: May I see it? David: No. (Mr. Gold pulls a vial out of the box behind him.) Mr. Gold: Pour this on the object, and then follow it. So simple, even David Nolan could do it. (He holds it in front of him, but pulls away when David goes to take it.) David: What do you want? Mr. Gold: Peace. Leave me alone. David: What do you care what David Nolan does? Mr. Gold: Oh, no. It's Charming I worry about. I'd like a little non-interference guarantee. David: Fine. If, you give me the same. You and I - we stay out of each other's way. (He hands the potion over.) Mr. Gold: Thank you for your business. (David starts to leave, but Mr. Gold interrupts him.) Mr. Gold: So, uh, what happens when you try and cross the border? David: You lose your memory of everything of our old lives. Looks like we're stuck here. (David exits. Mr. Gold smashes two of his display cases with his cane.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen and Rumpelstiltskin are still talking at the castle.) Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, yes. I know everything about you, my dear. I held you in my arms. You were younger. More... Portable. There is much history between your family and me. History both in the past, and in the future. Evil Queen: Then, can you help me? Rumpelstiltskin: Possibly, yes. You seek power. The death of your enemies... The death of your friends? Evil Queen: No! I don't want to hurt anyone. Rumpelstiltskin: Hard to believe you're from the same family. (He starts to stroke the sides of her face.) Rumpelstiltskin: So... Kind. So... Gentle. So... Powerful. You could do so much, if you just let yourself. Evil Queen: But, I don't know how. Rumpelstiltskin: Well, let me show you the way. (A large, wrapped object appears.) Evil Queen: How did- Rumpelstiltskin: Magic. It can set you free. Evil Queen: I don't want to do that - use magic. That's what she does. I don't want to end up like her. Rumpelstiltskin: No, no, of course not. But that's the beauty of my gift. You don't have to. 'It' will do it for you. Evil Queen: What is it? Rumpelstiltskin: A portal. A passage between lands. This is a portal to a specific, annoying little world. Use to me, but, for your purposes, a perfect. You're unlikely ever to see her again. All she needs is a little push. The question is, can you do it? -[Real World]- (Regina is still sitting under her apple tree with the book. She opens it to a page depicting a tree. She gently blows across the pages, causing a black dust to lift from the pages. She inhales the dust, causing her eyes to faintly glow for a moment. The black rotten apples on the tree turn ripe once again.) [SCENE_BREAK] (On the main street, David pours the potion on top of the hat. Nothing happens for a second, then the hat lifts up and flies through the air. David follows the hat to a flipped car, where there is a voice calling out from the inside. He pries open the door, revealing Jefferson.) Jefferson: Ah, thank you. No one heard me. David: You okay? (Jefferson nods.) David: Good. That means we can talk. (David drags Jefferson out of the car.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The entire town is gathered at the town hall for the meeting. Henry is attempting to call David, who still hasn't arrived.) Henry: Come on, Gramps. Pick up. Come on... Ruby: Please, everyone. Just be patient. I'm sure he's going to be here any second. (Granny is wandering around with her crossbow.) Ruby: Granny, do you really need that? Granny: We've got a lawless town, Ruby. Damn right I need it. Ruby: Try calling him again. Henry: He's not picking up. Ruby: Just keep trying. (Regina makes a grand entrance into the room and casually walks to the front.) Regina: My, what a nice turnout. No need for a fuss. It's just little old me. Archie: Regina. Think about what you're doing. Regina: Bug. (She magically throws Archie across the room.) Leroy: Hey! (She does the same to Leroy. Granny then fires an arrow at Regina, but Regina simply catches it.) Regina: How sweet. (She sets the arrow on fire, transforming it into a fireball. She flings it into the crowd, ultimately catching part of the wall on fire.) Ruby: What do you want? Henry: Me. She wants me. Okay, I'll come with you. Just leave them alone. Regina: That's my boy. (Regina puts her arm around Henry's shoulder and leads him out.) [SCENE_BREAK] (David and Jefferson are sitting at a table outside. The hat is in between them.) David: Can you get me through? Jefferson: No. David: Can you get them back? (Jefferson rolls his eyes.) David: Can you get it to work? Jefferson: If you only knew. David: Okay. You had a little girl's tea set in your car and a stuffed rabbit toy, so I'm thinking you have a daughter you love. Well, I do, too. And a wife. And they're out there somewhere. In the Enchanted Forest, or a void, I don't even know. But I'm going to get them back. Jefferson: They're in the Enchanted Forest, that's for sure. I just can't get there. David: It still exists? Jefferson: It exists. I don't know if that matters, since we can't go there. David: So, you won't help me? Jefferson: I'm a portal jumper, and you destroyed my portal, so you're out of luck. (David grabs Jefferson by his shirt collar.) David: Well, I'm the closest thing left to a sheriff here, so I can just throw you in a cell until you figure out a way. Jefferson: Then all we'll do is both sit. Stuck. Two lives in our heads, cursed worse than ever. Two lives, forever at odds. Double the pain, double the suffering. (Jefferson suddenly bolts from the table and begins running down the main street. While chasing after him, David is stopped by Ruby.) Ruby: David, stop! David: Get out of my way! Ruby: Regina has Henry. David: But he has the way! Ruby: She has Henry! She's threatening everyone. David: She has Henry? Ruby: She showed up at your town meeting - the one you missed. Her magic's back. Everyone's panicking. They want to leave town - they're going to lose everything. David: Okay. Okay, but I have to go after him first. He's my only hope of finding a way to get Emma and Snow back. Ruby: Back to what? This town is about to come apart. You've got to do something. [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina and Henry arrive home. The first thing Henry does is run upstairs.) Regina: Now, I don't want you to think that things are just going to go back to how they used to be. Henry! (In the his room, Henry pulls out a preprepared rope made of blankets and throws it out the window. He doesn't get very far until Regina stops him with magical vines.) Regina: Don't fight it, honey. You'll get a splinter. (The two of them are sitting in Henry's room.) Henry: How long am I in prison? Till I grow up? Regina: Henry, I rescued you because I love you. Henry: So, I'm a prisoner because you love me. That's not fair. Regina: You know where I come from. That was really not fair. Of all the places I've seen, this is the fairest of them all. Henry: You ruined lives. You sent away Mary Margaret and Emma. Regina: That was an accident. Henry: The way you treated me wasn't an accident. You made it so no one believed me. You made me feel like I was crazy. Regina: But that's all going to change, now. Henry, you can know all the secrets. You can live in a house with magic. Look what I could do. (Regina magically conjures a giant cupcake.) Regina: And I can teach you. You can do this and so much more. You can have all the friends you want come over any time, and you can show them everything in your book. Henry: No one's going to want to come over here. They're scared of you. Regina: You can make them not be scared. You can make them love you. Henry: I don't want that. I don't want to be you. -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen is dressed for her wedding. Cora enters and sees Rumpelstiltskin's 'gift'.) Cora: What's this? Evil Queen: I don't know. A gift? Cora: Maybe it's a portrait. (Cora magically removes the covering, revealing the portal, which is a looking glass.) Cora: Oh, a looking glass. Not nearly as personal. I wonder, sometimes, if the people really love you. Evil Queen: I'm doing my best, Mother. Cora: Oh, honey. I'm sorry. Come here. (The two of the them stand in front of the looking glass.) Cora: Look at you with your whole life ahead of you. And it's going to be better than you can imagine. The King's not a strong man. The kingdom will be yours. Raise the tributes, form a personal guard, let everyone know where the new power lies, and you'll hold the hearts of your people in your hands. Evil Queen: Is that what you would do, Mother? Cora: That's exactly what I would do. Evil Queen: Well, the thing is, I don't want to be you. (The Evil Queen lunges at Cora, but is stopped by her magic.) Cora: What are you doing? You think it's that easy to get rid of me? You're stuck with me forever, darling. Because I'm your mother, and I know best. (Rumpelstiltskin appears in the looking glass behind Cora, making a pushing gesture. The Evil Queen's anger appears to build, and then is released as magic. Cora is thrown backwards through the portal, which then shatters.) -[Real World]- (The citizens of Storybrooke have all packed up their cars and are heading along the road leading to the border of the town. David and Ruby are in the car ahead of them. They stop, angling the car sideways in order to block the way. Everyone angrily gets out of their cars, while David and Ruby get out to confront them.) Archie: Get out of the way! We have a right to go! David: Listen to me! Listen! (The mob goes quiet.) David: If you cross that line, you're going to be lost. Everyone who loves you will lose you. But there's something worse - you'll lose yourself. Look, I get wanting to leave here, I do. And I get that it's easier to let go of bad memories, but... Even bad memories are part of us. David, Storybrooke David, was - is - weak, confused. And he hurt the woman I love. I wouldn't give up being Charming just to be him, but, you know what? I wouldn't make the other trade, either. Because that David reminds me, not only of who I lost, but of who I want to be. My weaknesses, and my strengths. David, and the Prince. I am both - just like you. You are both. The town is both. We are both. Stay here, and every choice is open to you. Live in the woods if you want. Hell, live in a shoe if you want. Or eat frozen burritos and write software. Let's open Granny's and the school. And get back to work. I will protect you. She won't be able to hurt any of us. Not as long as I'm alive. Not as long as we all come together. As we did before. As we shall do again. (Everyone is silent. Finally, everyone starts back to their cars.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen is heading along the path leading from the castle on horseback. She encounters Rumpelstiltskin.) Rumpelstiltskin: Leaving, are we? Evil Queen: That was always the plan. (The Evil Queen gets off her horse and hands him the spell book.) Evil Queen: Here. A gift. I don't want it. Rumpelstiltskin: Uh, can't be a gift. It was mine to start with. (She turns to get back on her horse.) Rumpelstiltskin: Before you go... Answer me this - how did it feel? Evil Queen: I loved my mother. Rumpelstiltskin: B-But that's not what I asked, dearie. How did it feel to use magic? Evil Queen: It doesn't matter. I-I'll never use it again. Rumpelstiltskin: Why not? Evil Queen: Because I loved it. Rumpelstiltskin: You've discovered who you are. You could do so much now, if you let me show you how. Evil Queen: Through magic? Rumpelstiltskin: Through many things. Evil Queen: And what do you get out of it? Rumpelstiltskin: Someday, you'll do something for me. Let me guide you. Evil Queen: And I won't become like her? Rumpelstiltskin: That, dearie, is entirely up to you. -[Real World]- (David barges into Regina's house, equipped with his sword.) David: I want to see him. (David brings the sword up to Regina's neck.) Regina: Henry, come down! You won't be using your sword. David: Whatever you conjure, I can fight. Regina: I mean, you won't need your sword. (She gently pushes the blade away. Henry comes down the stairs.) Regina: Henry, you're going to go home with David. Henry: Really? Regina: Really. I shouldn't have brought you here. I was... I don't know how to love very well. I wasn't capable of it for a very long time, but I know I remember... If you hold onto someone too hard, that doesn't make them love you. I'm sorry I lied to you. And that I made you feel like I didn't know who you are. But I want you to be here, because you want to be here. Not because I forced you, and not because of magic. I want to redeem myself. Go get your things. (Henry runs back upstairs, leaving Regina and David alone.) David: Then prove it. Regina: How? David: Answer one question - does it exist? Regina: What? David: The Enchanted Forest - our land. Does it still exist? Regina: Yes. But I have no idea how to get back there. I can see I just launched you on a heroic quest. Just also make sure you take care of my son? David: That, I can do. (Henry returns with his things. The two of them leave the house.) [SCENE_BREAK] (On the main street of Storybrooke, all of the businesses are reopening. The dwarves, armed with their pick axes, file out of a building. They cross paths with Mr. Clark.) Mr. Clark: What do you need those for? Leroy: Don't worry, brother. You've lost something. It's going to take fairy dust to get it back. So, we're going to do what we do best. Come on, boys. It's off to work we go. (Elsewhere, in Granny's Diner, Marco is sitting at a table having coffee. Henry and David enter. Henry whispers something in Marco's ear. Marco arrives at August's room at the inn, which he discovers unoccupied. He finds Pinocchio's childhood hat on the desk. At the town border in the forest, Mr. Gold stands in front of the spray painted line. Meanwhile, Regina goes to burn the spell book, but hesitates. She ends up keeping the book and locking it in a cabinet.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry and David are eating at the counter in Granny's Diner.) David: Hey. It exists, Henry. The Enchanted Forest is still out there. Henry: And... So are they. David: Yeah. Henry: But, how do we know they survived the trip there? David: Because I can feel it. -[Present Fairy Tale World]- (As they travel across the deserted Fairy Tale World, Mulan and Aurora have bound Emma and Mary Margaret's wrists and are pulling them along behind their horses.) MMB: What is this place? Mulan: Our home. (They arrive at an island, which is populated by the remaining Enchanted Forest inhabitants. They have set up a village-like encampment.) Emma: It's like they're refuges. Mulan: We're survivors. (Mary Margaret knees Aurora in the gut and makes a run for it.) MMB: Emma, run! (Emma follows, but Mary Margaret is struck down by Mulan and knocked unconscious. Emma tries to wake her.) Emma: Mary Margaret! Mary Margaret! What did you do?! Mulan: Take them to the pit. (Emma and Mary Margaret are literally thrown in the dungeon by the guards.) Emma: Be careful! Come on... Wake up. Can you hear me? (A voice speaks, but the person is obscured by the shadows.) Voice: Do you need help? Emma: Who are you? Voice: A friend. (The person emerges from the shadows, and turns out to be Cora.) Cora: My name's Cora. -[End]-

While Regina continues to find a way to regain her magical powers, David continues his quest to uncover the whereabouts of Mary Margaret and Emma; and the seven dwarves discover what happens when any of the townspeople try to step past the city limits of Storybrooke. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, as her wedding day to King Leopold approaches, Regina is confronted by a man of magic who promises to help her become independent and break free from her mother Cora's clutches.

fd_FRIENDS_09x20

fd_FRIENDS_09x20_0

Teleplay: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen Story: Shana Goldberg-Meehan [Scene: Monica's apartment] Joey: (enters the room) Hey, you guys, what are you doing tomorrow night? Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Well, let me see... I-I believe I'm... yes, falling asleep in front of the TV. Joey: Look, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play. Chandler: I could fall asleep at a play. Phoebe: What is it? Joey: It's a one-woman play called "Why don't you like me: a bitter woman's journey through life". Monica: It sounds interesting! Ross: Yeah, it does sound interesting, I mean, to listen to a woman complain for two hours, I don't think it gets bett... (Ross starts snoring, faking to fall asleep) Phoebe: I know, I know, we can drive, we can vote, we can work, what more do these broads want? Joey: You guys are gonna have a great time, I promise! Ross: What? How come that you don't have to go! Joey: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want. Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Uh, let's see, who do I hate? Rachel: (gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry. Joey: (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go. Rachel: Ooh... oooh... (pause) (Rachel is all bah-jiggity about Joey) oh, ah... (pause) (to Monica) Can I ask you a question? Monica: Yeah. Rachel: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal? Monica: No, I don't think it ever works. Why? Rachel: No reason. Monica: No, no, Rachel? Rachel: Yeah Monica: Who do you wanna fool around with? Rachel: (with high pitched voice) Nobody, forget it! (Monica points at Joey, Rachel turns and sees him) Rachel: (giggling and whispering) Maybe. Monica: (whispering) You can't! Rachel: (whispering) Why? (Monica gesticulates mumbling something that starts with "because") Seriously I did not understand a word that you said. Monica: In the hall. [Scene: In the hall] Monica: You wanna fool around with Joey? Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time! Monica: Who? Who do you know that are friends that just fool around? Rachel: Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet. Monica: Who, who are they? Rachel: I know them from work. Monica: Both of them? Rachel: No, one of them... Monica: Which one? Rachel: I don't know, what were the names I just said? Monica: Rachel, things can get incredibly complicated. Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment) Monica: What the hell are you cooking! Opening credits [Scene: Central Perk, Ross enters] Ross: Hey! Monica: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Ross: Hey, you guys won't believe what I have to do for work today. Chandler: Yes, but, Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs. Ross: (covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there) (to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus. Monica: What's so bad about that? Ross: It's I just know they're gonna be a couple of windbags wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches. Monica: (fingering her elbow): Ross? Ross: (looking his elbow, where there's a patch) These aren't suede. (a woman walks in) Charlie: (to Gunther) Excuse me, I'm looking for someone. You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller? Gunther: No. Ross: Hi, hi, I'm Ross Geller. Charlie: Oh, hi. I'm professor Wealer. Ross: Oh, oh, that's, that's, that's nice. Charlie: It's a... It's good to meet you! Thank you so much for taking the time out to show me around. Ross: Oh, no, it's no big deal, I mean, if I weren't doing this I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out. Monica: (to Chandler) Is he gonna introduce us? Chandler: (to Monica) No, I think we're just blurry shapes to him now. Charlie: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis. Ross: Oh, ha, I wrote that in one minute. Monica: (to chandler) Twenty bucks says they're married within the month. Ross: (hitting Monica with his suitcase) (to Charlie) We should probably get going, you know, we got a lot of ground to cover. Charlie: Oh, ah, isn't there another professor that is supposed to come with us? Ross: I don't think so. Charlie: I'm pretty sure, professor Spafford from Cornell? Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we? Charlie: You don't think we should wait for him? Ross: You know what, he's a big boy, I'm sure he'll find us, ok? Professor Spafford: Professor Geller? Ross: Oh, damn it! [Scene: Joey's apartment] (Rachel enters the room and checks the answering machine) Jane: (from the answering machine) Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye. Joey: (entering the room) Hey! Rachel: Hey! Joey: What's happenin'? Rachel: Yeah, it's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight. Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... (she plays the answering machine) Message: "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it) Joey: (yelling) Stupid Jane Rogers!! Rachel: (angry) You are having a party tonight?? Joey: Kinda have a... a thing for the Days Of Our Life's people. Rachel: And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that? Joey: I do it every year. Rachel: You do that every year?? Joey: I didn't have to tell you that!! I'm stupider than Jane Rogers!! Rachel: Oh, that's why you got these tickets to that play, to get rid of us?? Joey: Yeah... Rachel: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant? Joey: Yeah... Rachel: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory? Joey: (Smiling) I can't believe you guys went for that one! Rachel: Joey, why wouldn't you invite us to your parties? Joey: You're fine, ok? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people! Rachel: Well, then so you just invite me...! Joey: (speaking aloud) Please, I was trying to be nice, you're the worst one! Rachel: Oh, Joey, come on! Please, please! Let me come, I will behave, I promise! I will behave! Please, please, please... Joey: Ok, ok! Fine! You can come, but don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8. Rachel: (yelling and jumping like a child) OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! (realizing how she's behaving) And it's out of my system! [Scene: Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant] Professor Spafford: (speaking very slowly) And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish. Ross: (very bored, he tries to avoid the conversation speaking to Charlie) So, where did you get your undergraduate degree? Professor Spafford: And that's not all I'm allergic to. Ross: (to Charlie) Oh, it's not over! Professor Spafford: I'm also allergic to peanuts, and cashews, and almonds, and filberts... Ross: So basically all nuts? Professor Spafford: Interestingly... no. Charlie: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word "interesting". Professor Spafford: If you'll excuse me I'm going to use the restroom. (he goes away) Charlie: Oh my God!! Ross: I've lost the will to live. Charlie: Let's ditch him! Ross: What? Charlie: Come on, he's still in the bathroom! I'm begging you! Ross: Oh... ok, fine. But... ehm... I just have one question for you, ehm... (aping Professor Spafford) When we exit should we walk, or run, or prance, or stroll... Charlie: Stop it, stop it! He talks slow but he might pee fast! Ok, let's go!! (they run outside) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment] Ross: (entering with Charlie) Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica. Phoebe: Hi! Ross: Yeah, Charlie is gonna be joining my department. Phoebe: Oh, you're a paleonthologist, too! (pause) Oh, ok, now, what do you think of Ranion's new theory of species' variegation in segmented arthopods? Charlie: Well, I think he's a little out there, but he does have some interesting ideas... Phoebe: Ah, ah. Charlie: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this. Excuse me. (she cuts herself off for a moment) Ross: (to Phoebe) Ranion's theory of species variegation? Phoebe: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out! Monica: (to Ross) So, did you two have fun? Ross: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny... Monica: And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a (aloud) HOTTY!! (Charlie looks at her) HI! Rachel: (she enters wearing a bath-robe) Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play. Ross: Really? Wh-what's wrong? Rachel: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!! Charlie: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry. Rachel: ... Ok, who is this? Ross: I'm sorry, Rachel, this is Charlie Wealer, she's a collegue. Rachel: Oh, hi! I would check your hand but... I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease! Monica: Hey, Rachel, Can-can I see you for a sec? Rachel: Sure! (Monica takes her apart) Oh... Monica: You're not sick! Rachel: What? Yes, I am! Monica: Ok, then, why are you... (she opens her robe revealing a nice black dress) all dressed up?? Rachel: When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better! (she closes her robe) Monica: You just wanna stay home so you can make a move on Joey! Rachel: Oh, no, no! I heard you before, that is so not what this is! Monica: Ok, what is this? Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you! Monica: (aloud) WHAT? Ross: (looking at them) Wh-what's going on? Monica: Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof! Rachel: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!! Charlie: I thought you came to say you were sick. Rachel: Ok professor or detective? Phoebe: Joey's having a party and he wasn't gonna invite us? Rachel: Yeah, and he does it every year! That's why he's sending you to that play! That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory! Phoebe: And that horrible museum tour! Ross: No, I arranged that... (Joey enters, wearing a bathrobe) Joey: (sounds tired) Hey you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun. Phoebe: We know about your party Joey. Joey: What party? Monica: The game's over! Take off your robe! Joey: (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean... Everyone: No!! Cover it up!! Joey: (to Charlie after covering himself up again) Nice to meet ya! (Charlie waves hesitantly and Joey leaves) [Scene: The Roof] Joey: (To some people) Hey! Hey alright! Hey, glad you could make it (Shakes a man's hand) Thanks for coming. Monica: Oh my God! Kyle Lowder! Kyle Lowder: (to Monica) Hi. (walks on) Monica: (Yells after him) I love you! Joey: Hey, that's why I didn't invite you. you have to calm down, alright... go, go get yourself a drink or something... Monica: Oh yeah that's what you want - my inhibitions lowered. Phoebe: Hey! Monica: (Excited) Oh my God, can you believe we are surrounded by all this? I can barely control myself. Phoebe: Monica, you might want to remember that you are married. Where is Chandler anyway? (Looks around) Monica: (Shocked) Oh my God! Chandler! [Scene: The theater. Chandler is sitting in the otherwise empty front row, looking around nervously] Chandler: Where the hell is everybody? (The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down) Bitter lady: (yelling) Why don't you like me?! Chapter One: My first period. [Scene: The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it] Monica: (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love". Rachel: Ok actually Mon, Matthew was just giving me his phone number. Monica: Oh man! If I had known I was coming to this party I never would have gotten married! Matthew Ashford: It was nice to meet you Rachel. Rachel: Nice to meet you. Matthew Ashford: Call me. Rachel: Ok (Matthew leaves) Monica: (yelling after him) We will!! Monica: (to Rachel) Look at you with all the guys! Rachel: Yeah! Monica: I guess you have forgotten all about Joey? Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler! Monica: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather) (cut to Ross and Charlie) Ross: (to Charlie) So, eh... it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh? Charlie: Actually, I'm kinda happy to be leaving... I just broke up with someeone. Ross: Ooh... so sad... Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard? Especially after working alongside a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer? Charlie: Actually, Alby is the guy I broke up with. Ross: You... you dated Albert Wintermeyer? Charlie: Yeah... Ross: ... And you called him Alby!? (laughs) I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby... Charlie: Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man. Ross: Eh, you think? I mean, you went out with a guy who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10! Charlie: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues... Ross: (very interested) Oh! like what?! (Charlie looks at him confused, but smiling) Oh I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry... it's just that this must be what regular people experience when they watch "Access Hollywood". Charlie: Ok, you want the dirt? Alby was seriously insecure. I mean, he was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him. Ross: Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize? Charlie: A guy who won two. Ross: (a little suprised) Two? Wha...? Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart Charlie: Yeah... for three years. Ross: Oh my God! Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize? Charlie: (smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy. Ross: Oh yeah? no, no Nobel Prizes for him? Charlie: No, but he did just win the McArthur genius grant. Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter) Phoebe: Hey Ross! Rache: How is it going with Charlie? Ross: (sarcastically) Oh Great! After I finish my wine I'm going to blow my... eh. average-sized brains out. Phoebe: Oh, What's the matter? Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth. Rachel: I always loved that!! Ross: Of course you would, your brains are smaller than mine!! (Rachel nods) Man, I can't compete with the guys she goes out with, they are so out of my league! oh my God! Phoebe: Worse? Ross: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... (gestures with his hands and says in an impression voice?) "Can we walk"? (Phoebe starts laughing) Oh, you... you like that? Phoebe: (still laughing) No. (points to Rachel who stuck two straws in her mouth to look like a mammoth's tusks) Ross: What? (turns around to look at Rachel) Rachel: Come on! I think this is funny! (Ross leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler in the theater] Bitter lady: Well, I bet you are all thinkin' "Now would be a really great time for an intermission", huh? Chandler: (To himself) oh yes, God yes!! Bitter lady: (now yelling) Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. (Now standing right in front of Chandler and bending down almost to his level as if speaking to him, yelling even louder) How could he leave me?!?! Chandler: I... I don't know... you seem lovely. [Scene: The roof, Joey is walking towards Ross with a guy] Joey: Hey Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk. (To Dirk) Dirk, this is my good friend Ross. (Ross and Dirk shake hands) Ross: Nice to meet you. Dirk: Hey! So what show are you on? Ross: Oh, I'm no actor, I'm a professor of palaeontology. (Dirk is confused) Joey: It's a science. Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize. (Ross looks annoyed hearing that even Dirk's character won a Nobel prize) Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or... Ross: Oh, well no, but I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys. Dirk: Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs. Ross: I'd lead with that. (Cut to Monica holding up her shirt, revealing her bra. An actor stands beside her, holding a pen in his hand.) Monica: That's it, just sign right on the bra (the actor does so). Joey: Monica! Monica: Don't worry Joe, I won't come next year! (Joey, resigned, walks to Rachel's table) Joey: (To Rachel) What have you got there? Ross: Just some boys gave me their phone numbers. Joey: Ah, let me see! (she hands him a pile of tissues) Damn, that's a lot of guys! Are you a little slutty? Rachel: (drunken voice) I think I am. Joey: (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different. (Rachel is puzzled) Joey: (discarding all the remaining tissues one by one) Pass, pass, oh, pass, double-pass, pass... Rachel: (picking up the tissues) Why, why, what's wrong with these guys? Joey: Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best. Rachel: Joey, you're so sweet. Joey: That's true. But you know what, it doesn't matter because I already know who you're gonna go home with tonight. Rachel: Who (looks around)? (Joey motions for Rachel to lean in. She does so.) Joey: Me. Rachel: (surprised) What? (with a nervous smile) Really? Joey: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke! Rachel: Oh! Screw it, I didn't get it! (they high-five) Joey: Gotcha. Rachel: Oh, Very funny... Joey. (Joey leaves. Rachel gulps down what's left of her drink and grimaces.) (Chandler walks in) Chandler: (to Monica) So, how did you enjoy the play? Monica: Oh my god, honey, I'm so so so so so sorry. Chandler: Well you should be. You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater. Monica: You really liked it? Chandler: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone) not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted. Monica: Oh really! Chandler: Oh yeah, I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman! Tell me, tell me about your first period! Monica: No! Chandler: Did somebody sign your bra? Monica: So I got it when I was 13... [Scene: At the counter. Ross is sitting there, drinking. Phoebe approaches him.] Phoebe: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper? Ross: It's actually a 1,000,000$ prize. Phoebe: Go Charlie! But my point is, ok so she dated them but she also broke up with them. Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Phd. Ross: Yeah, maybe. I do have my whole career in front of me. I mean, I can still win a Nobel prize. Although the last two papers I've written were widely discredited. Phoebe: You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny... Ross: And sexy. Phoebe: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that! Ross: Yeah, you're right, thanks Pheebs, I'm gonna go find her. Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch! Ross: Stop going through my stuff (walks away)! (Rachel approaches Monica) Rachel: (to Monica) Hey! Monica: Hey! Rachel: I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey. Monica: No, you can't! Friends hooking up is a bad idea. Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler? Monica: That's different! I was drunk and stupid! Rachel: Well hello (points to herself)! Monica: What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them? Rachel: I could, I could but I don't want to! I want to kiss Joey! Monica: Alright (shrugs). I think it's a big mistake but it's your decision. Rachel: (pause) I'm gonna do it. Monica: And I can't stop you. Rachel: No. (Rachel goes look for Joey. She sees him and Charlie kissing passionately.) Ross: (to Rachel) Hey Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere? (Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.) Ross: I'm smarter than him! Closing credits [Scene: The theater. Monica, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the first line] Phoebe: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler. Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you. Monica: Oh, you're so wonderful. Bitter woman: Why don't you like me! Chapter one: my first period. Chandler: Can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death (runs away).

While Rachel is in the same position as Joey was a year ago, Joey holds a Days of our Lives cast party, but does not want any of his friends to attend. Ross gets a crush on another professor, Charlie (Aisha Tyler), who has only ever dated "Nobel Prize" winners. He and Rachel catch her and Joey kissing at the party. Guest star: Alex Borstein

fd_Hannibal_01x03

fd_Hannibal_01x03_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Can you tell me what that man is doing over there? He's some kind of special consultant for the FBI. I asked you to get close to the Hobbs thing. I need to know you didn't get too close. What you need is a way out of dark places when Jack sends you there. Last time he sent me into a dark place, I brought something back. A surrogate daughter? Abigail Hobbs is a suspect? She would make the ideal bait. Wouldn't she? Just a second. Dad? It's for you. Hello? They know. (Birds chirping) (Cicadas buzzing) Mr. Hobbs: Easy, Abigail. You should wait for your shot. (Gunshot) (Soft thud) Abigail: Ready? Three, two, one. [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: She was so pretty. Mr. Hobbs: She is so pretty. Abigail: Aren't deer supposed to be complex, emotional creatures? Mr. Hobbs: Yeah... Abigail: I read they're like the equivalent of a four-year-old human. Mr. Hobbs: They're smarter than a four-year-old. Abigail: And they care about each other. They care about their environment. They tread lightly through the underbrush because they don't want to hurt the plants. Mr. Hobbs: They're a lot like us. And we're gonna honor every part of her. Her hide is gonna make a beautiful rug. Her leg bones we can carve into knives. None of her is gonna go to waste. Just like we talked about. Start at the sternum. Keep the blade pointed up. Damage the organs, you ruin the meat. (Blood spilling) Abigail: I don't know how I'm gonna feel about eating her after all this. Mr. Hobbs: Eating her is honoring her. Otherwise, it's it's just murder. Abigail: Ok. Mr. Hobbs: Nice and easy. Big breath. Good... (Blood spilling) (Monitors beeping) (Muffled whimpering and coughing) (Dog barking) Alana: Morning! Will: Didn't hear you drive up. Alana: Hybrid. Great car for stalking. Will: Um, I'm compelled to go cover myself. Alana: I have brothers. Will: Well, I'll put a robe on just the same. You want a cup of coffee? And more immediately, why are you here? Alana: Yes, and Abigail Hobbs woke up. Will: Well, you know how to bury the lead. Alana: You want me to get you a cup of coffee? Will: No. I want to get my coat. Alana: Let's have a cup of coffee. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ringing) (Cell phone vibrating) Will: Is he gonna keep calling? Alana: Jack wants you to go see her. Will: And you don't. Alana: Eventually. Jack thinks Abigail was an accomplice to her father's crimes. I don't want to get in the middle of you and Jack, but if I can be helpful to you as a buffer- Will: I-I like you as a buffer. I also like the fact that you rattle Jack. He respects you far too much to yell at you, no matter... how much he wants to. Alana: And I take advantage of that. Will: Abigail Hobbs doesn't have anyone. Alana: You can't be her everyone. When I said what I was going to say in my head, it sounded really insulting, so I'm going to find another way to say it. Will: Say it the insulting way. Alana: Dogs keep a promise a person can't. Will: I'm not collecting another stray. Alana: The first person Abigail talks to about what happened can't be anyone who was there when it happened. So that means no Dr. Lecter either. Will: Yeah, much less the guy who killed dad. Jack's wrong about Abigail. Alana: Let me reach out to her in my own way. [SCENE_BREAK] Alana: Hi. I'm Alana Bloom. Abigail: Are... you a doctor? Alana: Not medicine. I'm a psychiatrist. Abigail: What do you specialize in? Alana: Among other things, family trauma. Abigail: I asked the nurses if my parents were dead, and they wouldn't tell me. Said I had to wait for you. Alana: I'm sorry you had to wait. Abigail: I know they're dead. Who buried them? Alana: They haven't been buried. Abigail: Don't you think they should be? Alana: Your mother was cremated per the instructions in her living will. Abigail: (clears her throat) My dad? Alana: Your father is more complicated. Abigail: Because he was crazy? Alana: The nurses said you didn't remember. Abigail: I remember. I just didn't want to talk to them about it. I want to sell the house. I guess it's mine now. I can use the money for college, get an apartment. What are all those? Alana: I brought you some clothes. Thought a change might feel good. I guessed your size, so anything you don't want, leave the tags on, I'll bring it back. And I brought you some music too. Abigail: Your music? Alana: If there isn't anything you like, I've got a stack of iTunes gift cards. I I've got a stack of gift cards. I don't do well redeeming gift cards. Abigail: Probably says something about you. Alana: Probably does. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannibal: I got seven families waiting. Jack: No, let me rephrase: Demanding that we find whatever's left of their daughters. Abigail Hobbs may be the only person who knows the truth. Alana: You can't ask her right now, Jack. We have to create a safe place for her first or you won't get any answers. Jack: I respect your sympathy for her, Dr. Bloom. I hope one day you'll appreciate my lack of it. Alana: You really think Abigail Hobbs helped her father kill those girls? Jack: I think it's a possibility that needs to be ruled out. If Abigail didn't help her father, maybe she knows who did. Hannibal: How was she when you saw her? Alana: Surprisingly practical. Jack: Suspiciously practical? Hannibal: I would suggest you can be practical without being a murderer. Alana: I think she's hiding something. Hannibal: It may simply be her trauma. Alana: Yeah, it could also be more. She has a penchant for manipulation. Withheld information to gain information. She demonstrated only enough emotions - to prove she had them. Jack: You beginning to appreciate my lack of sympathy? Hannibal: You said it may be more than trauma yet you question her involvement in the murders the father committed. Alana: What I'm questioning is her state of mind. Jack: I want Will Graham to talk to her. Alana: Jack! Not yet! Jack: You are not Will Graham's psychiatrist, Dr. Bloom. Dr. Lecter is. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Garrett Jacob Hobbs the, uh, Minnesota shrike, abducted and murdered eight girls over an eight month period. Each of them had the same hair color, same eye color, same age, same height, same weight as his daughter Abigail. There was a ninth victim who also fit Abigail Hobbs's profile, but Garrett Jacob Hobbs didn't murder her. The killer who did wanted us to know he wasn't the Minnesota shrike. He was better than that. He is an intelligent psychopath. He is a sadist. He will never kill like this again. So how do we catch him? Hannibal: Giving a lecture on Hobbs's copycat? Jack: Well, we need whatever good minds we can get on this. Will: This copycat is an avid reader of Freddie Lounds and tattlecrime.com. He had intimate knowledge of Garrett Jacob Hobbs's murders, motives, patterns enough to recreate them and, arguably, elevate them to art. How intimately did he know Garrett Jacob Hobbs? Did he appreciate him from afar or did he engage him? Did he ingratiate himself into Hobbs's life? Did Hobbs know his copycat as he was known? Before Garrett Jacob Hobbs murdered his wife and attempted to do the same to his daughter, he received an untraceable call. I believe the as-yet unidentified caller was our copycat killer. [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: So you're not a doctor, a nurse, or a psychiatrist. Freddie: I'm a journalist. I want to tell the truth. Your truth. Sometimes that involves some deception, but know this: I will never lie to you. Abigail: Sounds like something a liar would say. Freddie: If you tell me what you know, I can help you fill in the blanks. Abigail: How about you tell me what you know? Freddie: Your dad was the Minnesota shrike. Your mother wasn't the first person your father killed. He killed eight girls. Eight girls that looked- Abigail: Just like me. Yes. Abigail: Why do they call him the shrike? Freddie: It's a bird that impales its prey, harvests the organs to eat later. He was very sick. Abigail: Does that mean I'm sick too? Freddie: You'll be fighting that perception. Perception is the most important thing in your life right now. Abigail: I don't care what anybody thinks. Freddie: You'd better start caring, Abigail. What you remember, what you tell everyone is going to define the rest of your life. Let me help you. Abigail: How did they catch him? Freddie: A man named Will Graham. Works for the FBI but isn't FBI. He captures insane men because he can think like them. Because he is insane. Will: Would you excuse us, please? Special Agent Will Graham. Freddie: By Special Agent he means not really an agent. He didn't get past the screening process. Too unstable. Hannibal: I really must insist you leave the room. Freddie: If you wanna talk. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Abigail, this is Dr. Lecter. Do you remember us? Abigail: I remember you. You killed my dad. Hannibal: You've been in bed for days, Abigail. Why don't we have a walk? [SCENE_BREAK] Will: I'm sorry we couldn't save your mother. We did everything we could but she was already gone. Abigail: I know. I saw him kill her. He was loving right up until the second he wasn't. Kept telling me he was sorry, to just hold still. He was gonna make it all go away. Will: There was plenty wrong with your father, Abigail, but there's nothing wrong with you. You say he was loving. I believe it. That's what you brought out in him. Abigail: It's not all I brought out in him. I'm gonna be messed up. Aren't I? I'm worried about nightmares. Hannibal: We'll help you with the nightmares. Will: There's no such thing as getting used to what you experienced. It bothers me a lot. I worry about nightmares too. Abigail: So killing somebody, even if you have to do it, it feels that bad? Will: It's the ugliest thing in the world. Abigail: I wanna go home. [SCENE_BREAK] Freddie: Special Agent Graham. I never formally introduced myself. I'm Freddie Lounds. Will: Are you trying to salvage this joke from the mouth of madness? Freddie: Please. Let me apologize for my behavior in there. It was sloppy and misguided - and hurtful. Hannibal: Miss Lounds. Now is not the time. Freddie: Look, you and I may have our own reasons for being here, but I also think we both genuinely care about what happens to Abigail Hobbs. Will: You told her I was insane. Freddie: I can undo that. Will: You help Abigail see me as more than her father's killer and I help you with online ad sales? Freddie: I can undo what I said. I can also make it a lot worse. Will: Miss Lounds It's not very smart to piss off a guy who thinks about killing people for a living. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: "It isn't very smart to piss off a guy who thinks about killing people for a living." You know what else isn't very smart? You were there with him. And you let those words come out of his mouth. Hannibal: I trust Will to speak for himself. Jack: Evidently you shouldn't. Alana: I'm just happy the story wasn't about Abigail Hobbs. Jack: Well, then it's a victory. (Sighing) So, Abigail Hobbs wants to go home. Let's take her home. Alana: What Abigail wants and what she needs are different things. Taking her out of a controlled environment would be reckless. Jack: You said she was practical. Will: That could just mean she has a dissociative disorder. Alana: You take her home, she may experience intense emotions, respond aggressively, or re-enact some aspect of the traumatic event without even realizing it. Jack: Where do you weigh in on this, doctor? Hannibal: Dr. Bloom is right. But there is a scenario where revisiting the trauma event could help Abigail heal and actually prevent denial. Jack: Then we have a difference of opinion. Therefore, I am going to choose the opinion that best serves my agenda. I need to know if you're right about the copycat, Will. Alana: We have no way of knowing what's waiting for her when she goes home. [SCENE_BREAK] Freddie: Thanks again for meeting with me. I know this hasn't been easy for you. Nicholas: Oh yeah? How would you know? Freddie: I've been writing about Garrettt Jacob Hobbs. I've spoken to the relatives of some of his other victims. Nicholas: Hobbs is dead. He deserved a lot worse. Him and his whole family. Freddie: There must be some small comfort knowing that justice was served. Nicholas: Comfort? My sister was impaled on a severed stag head, cut down the middle. He pulled out her lungs while she was still breathing. There's no comfort in that. Freddie: I'm sorry. I am. But you have to try not to remember her that way. Nicholas: What do you want from me? Freddie: I just thought you should know Abigail Hobbs came out of her coma. [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: This is where my mom died? Will: Yes. Abigail: I was sort of expecting a body outline in chalk or tape. Will: They only do that if you're still alive and taken to the hospital before they finish the crime scene. Abigail: Goodbye, mom. [SCENE_BREAK] Alana: If you ever wanna go, you just have to say so and we'll go. Abigail: Go where? The hospital? For now? They turned all the pictures around. Alana: Crime scene cleaners will do that. Abigail: They did a really good job. Is that where all my blood was? Will: Yes. Abigail: You do this a lot? Go places and think about killing? Will: Too often. Abigail: So you pretended to be my dad. Will: And people like your dad. Abigail: What did it feel like? To be him? Will: It feels like I'm talking to his shadow suspended on dust. Abigail: No wonder you have nightmares. Will: The attacks on you and your mother were different. They were desperate. Your dad knew he was out of time. Somebody told him we were coming. Abigail: The man on the phone? Will: It was a blocked call. Did you recognize his voice? Abigail: I had never heard it before. Alana: Was there anybody new in your father's life? Someone you met or someone he talked about? Will: Abigail, he may have been contacted by another killer. A copycat. Abigail: Someone who's still out there? Will: Yeah... [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: Can you catch somebody's crazy? Alana: Folie deux. Abigail: What? Alana: It's a French psychiatric term. Madness shared by two. (Sound of heart beating) Hannibal: One cannot be delusional if the belief in question is accepted as ordinary by others in that person's culture or subculture. Or family. Abigail: My dad didn't seem delusional. He was a perfectionist. Will: Your dad left hardly any evidence. Abigail: Is that why you let me come home? To find evidence? Hannibal: It was one of many considerations. Abigail: Are we gonna re-enact the crime? You be my dad, you be my mom, and you be the man on the phone. Alana: Abigail, we wanted you to come home to help you leave home behind. Abigail: You're not gonna find any of those girls, you know? Will: What makes you say that? Abigail: He would honor every part of them. He used to make plumbing putty out of elk's bones. Whatever bones are left of those girls are probably holding pipes together. Hannibal: Where did he make this putty? Abigail: At the cabin. I can show you tomorrow. Alana: Abigail, there's someone here. Marissa: Hey, Abigail. [SCENE_BREAK] Marissa: So, uh, does that hurt? Abigail: Sometimes. Marissa: Everybody on the block was on the news. And everyone at school. Such whores. Abigail: Did you talk to the news? Marissa: No. No! My mom doesn't want me talking to you, much less the news. Abigail: Since when do you listen to her? Marissa: Well, clearly I don't. I'm talking to you right now. Everybody thinks you did it, you know? Abigail: So you think I did it? Marissa: I don't think you're the type. Then again, I didn't think your father was the murder-suicide type. Although I guess the hunting could have been a clue. Abigail: Mine or his? Marissa: Both, now that you mention it. I don't think you did it. I do. Marissa: This is private property. Nicholas: You were the bait, right? That's how it worked? You lure them back to daddy for dinner? How'd you trap my sister? Did you chat her up? Marissa: Hey! Piss off! Nicholas: Did you help your old man cut out my sister's lungs while she was still using... (spitting) [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: He said he was somebody's brother. Marissa's Mom: Marissa! Come home. Marissa: No! Marissa's Mom: Come home! Marissa: Can you stop being such a bitch? See you later. Abigail: Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: He's gone. You've never seen him before? Abigail: No. Will: Let's go back to hotel. We will go to the carbin tomorrow. Hannibal: We should report this, yes? Will: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: I'm sorry, okay? This will all stop. Abigail: Please. Will: I'm gonna make it all go away. (Screaming) (Alarm beeping) Abigail: He cleaned everything. He said he was afraid of germs, but I guess he was just afraid of getting caught. Will: No one else ever came here with your dad except you. Abigail: He made everything by himself. Glue, butter he sold the pelts on eBay or in town. He'd make pillows. No parts went to waste. Otherwise it was murder. He was feeding them to us. Wasn't he? Hannibal: It's very likely. Abigail: Before he cut my throat, he told me he killed those girls so he wouldn't have to kill me. Alana: You're not responsible for anything your father did, Abigail. Abigail: If he would've just killed me, none of those other girls would be dead. Alana: We don't know that. Your father- [SCENE_BREAK] Will: I need ERT at the Hobbs cabin. Alana: Abigail! (screaming) Abigail: Marissa! [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Do you think she knew the guy down by the stream? Hannibal: Somebody's brother. Will: Not somebody. Abigail said he asked if she helped her dad take his sister's lungs while she was alive. Hannibal: The young woman on the stag head. Will: Cassie Boyle had a brother, Nicholas. But Garrett Jacob Hobbs didn't kill Cassie Boyle. Hannibal: I know. Garrett Jacob Hobbs would've honored every part of her. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: You brought Abigail Hobbs back to Minnesota to find out if she was involved in her father's murders and another girl dies. Will: Yep, scraped his knuckle on her teeth. There's foreign tissue and what could be trace amounts of blood. Jack: You said that this copycat was an intelligent psychopath, Will. That there would be no traceable motive, no pattern. He wouldn't kill again this way. You said it. Will: I may have been wrong about that. Jack: Yes, because Garrett Jacob Hobbs never struck his victims. Why would the copycat do it? Hannibal: I think he was provoked. Nicholas Boyle murdered this girl and his own sister. Jack: With or without Abigail Hobbs? Will: Without. Jack: Well, do you think that Abigail Hobbs knew Nicholas or Cassie Boyle? Will: No. Jack: You don't think she knew them or don't wanna think that she knew them? Will: She said she didn't know them. Jack: (sighs) Dr. Bloom says that Abigail has a penchant for, uh, manipulation. Is she manipulating you, Will? Hannibal: Agent Crawford. Jack: Look, he said he was wrong about the copycat killer. I want to know what else he's wrong about. Will: Whoever killed the girl on the field killed this girl, I'm right about that. He knew exactly how to mount the body. Wound patterns are almost identical to Cassie Boyle. Same design, the same humiliation. Hannibal: Abigail Hobbs is not a killer. But she could be the target of one. Jack: I think it's time that Abigail Hobbs left home permanently. Doctor, would you be good enough to collect Abigail and all of her belongings and escort her out of Minnesota, please? Not you, Will. I want you here. [SCENE_BREAK] Journalists: Abigail! Abigail! Marissa's Mon: You killed my daughter! Alana: Abigail! Abigail! Marissa's Mom: Why come back here? Why did you come back here? Why come back? Alana: Stay here. Stay here. (Woman sobbing) Freddie: Abigail! Hannibal: Miss Lounds. You're on the wrong side of the police line. Freddie: I've been covering the Minnesota shrike long before you got involved. I wanna help you tell your story. You need me now more than ever. Abigail: I wanna talk to her. Alana: No you don't. Go inside. Freddie: I'm not the only one lurking about the Hobbs house peeking in windows. You really should monitor those police lines more carefully. Hannibal: Have you seen a young man, mid-20s, ginger hair? Unwashed. Freddie: I'll tell you if I saw him if you tell me why it's important. (Sobbing softly) Hobbs: None of her is gonna go to waste. (Whimpering) Nicholas: I just want you to listen to me. I didn't kill that girl, okay? I didn't kill her! Wait! Listen! I didn't! Alana: Abigail? Abigail? Hannibal: She'll be all right. Abigail? Show me what happened. [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: He was gonna kill me. Hannibal: Was he? This isn't self-defense, Abigail. You butchered him. Abigail: I didn't. Hannibal: They will see what you did and they'll see you as an accessory to the crimes of your father. Abigail: I wasn't. Hannibal: I can help you, if you ask me to. At great risk to my career and my life. You have a choice. You can tell them you were defending yourself when you gutted this man Or we can hide the body. [SCENE_BREAK] Alana: No I don't remember anything. Maybe a blur out of the corner of my eye and and then a big fat cut to black. Jack: Well, Nicholas Boyle attacked Abigail, you. Struck Dr. Lecter in the back of the head. Alana: Well, where's Abigail? Will: Lecter took her back to the hotel. Jack: She scratched Nicholas Boyle on his way out the back door. The blood on her hands matches the tissue that we pulled from Marissa Schurr's mouth. Alana: And then what, he he got away? Jack: We'll catch him one way or another. Where you going? Will: I wanna go home. (Creaking sound) Hannibal: Hello, Abigail. Abigail: How did you know it was me? Hannibal: Hospital called. You climbed over the wall. Where else were you to go? Home's no longer an option. Come down from there. Abigail: I don't want to go to sleep. Hannibal: You can't anticipate your dreams. Can't block them, can't repress. Abigail: I didn't honor any part of him so it's just murder, isn't it? Hannibal: Most would argue self-defense. Abigail: Then why not tell the truth? Hannibal: Most would argue. There would still be those who would say you were taking after your father. Abigail: You're glad I killed him. Hannibal: What would be the alternative? That he killed you? Abigail: I didn't know if he was going to. Hannibal: No, you don't. Abigail: You're the one who called the house. You talked to my dad before what did you say to him? Hannibal: A simple conversation, ascertaining if he was home for an interview. Then why not tell the truth? Abigail: I think you called the house as a serial killer. Just like my dad. Hannibal: I'm nothing like your dad. I made a mistake. Something easily misconstrued. Not unlike yourself. Hannibal: I'll keep your secret. Abigail: And I'll keep yours. Hannibal: No more climbing walls, Abigail.

Abigail Hobbs awakens from her coma. Graham suspects that Garrett Jacob Hobbs, dubbed the "Minnesota Shrike", killed eight girls, but not the one impaled on the deer's head; that, he maintains, was a victim of a copycat, who called Hobbs to warn him. Crawford harbors suspicions that Abigail was somehow complicit in her father's killing spree, despite objections from Dr. Bloom, Lecter and Graham. Lounds meets the brother of the impaled girl and reveals to him that Abigail Hobbs is out of the hospital. Lecter and Graham take Abigail to her home, where she and her neighbor Marissa are confronted by the brother of the impaled girl, Nicholas Boyle. The following day, Abigail is taken to the cabin where Marissa is found impaled on a deer's head. In her house, Abigail finds the hair of one of the murdered girls inside a pillow and inadvertently kills Boyle in a way that, according to Lecter, cannot be seen as self-defense. Lecter helps her cover-up the murder, after which Abigail realizes it was Lecter who made the call to her father. Lecter suggests that Abigail keep his secret in exchange for his hiding her murder.

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I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Monks running in fear. Glory bursting through a warehouse door. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting. QUINTON TRAVERS VOICEOVER: Glory isn't a demon. She's a god. Glory talking to the tied-up monk. GLORY: Tell me where the key is. Monk talking to Buffy. MONK: We had to hide the key. Made it human... Monks chanting. Dawn looking sullen. MONK: ... and sent it to you. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn. RILEY: Know you got a lot on your mind. You decide you wanna let me in on any of it, you let me know. Riley letting a vampire bite him. RILEY VOICEOVER: Buffy's like nobody else in the world. But she doesn't love me. Riley talking to Buffy. RILEY: They want me back, Buffy. BUFFY: Are you going? RILEY: I don't know. If we can't work this out... BUFFY: This is goodbye? Riley in the helicopter lifting off. Buffy yelling up at the helicopter. BUFFY: Riley! Buffy watching the helicopter fly away. BUFFY: There's something that you need to know. About Dawn. DAWN: Why does everybody start acting all weird when I'm around? Spike and Dawn in the magic shop. SPIKE: (reading) They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life. So they sent the key to her in the form of a sister. Dawn with blood on her arm. DAWN: Is this blood? BUFFY: What did you do? DAWN: I'm not a key. Dawn in the hospital talking to Ben. DAWN: I'm not real. BUFFY: You're the key. Go. Before she finds you. She's here! Ben morphing into Glory. Spike and Buffy in the underground cave. SPIKE: I love you. BUFFY: The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. Spike and Buffy on the street. BUFFY: I want you out. I want you out of this town, I want you off this planet! You don't come near me, my friends, or my family again ever! Understand? Spike trying to enter the Summers house but he can't. Buffy closing the door in Spike's face. BUFFY: (punches) Spike! (more punches) Spike wants me, how obscene is that? GILES: Well, it is very strange. I can't imagine what he's thinking. (stands) Uh, not, not that you're not, uh, attractive... BUFFY: (stops punching) I feel gross, you know, like, like, dirty. She resumes punching. We see part of the thing she's punching, which looks like a punching bag. GILES: That's ridiculous, you can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or, feels. BUFFY: (stops punching) Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "woof, that's the one for me!" She resumes punching, very violently, and finishes by kneeing the target sharply. GILES: Buffy, I think you should perhaps calm down. XANDER: Me too. We see that Buffy's target is actually Xander in a huge padded suit and fencing mask. It forces his arms to stand straight out at his sides, basically immobile. Giles and Buffy look at him with concern. BUFFY: Oh! Puffy Xander, uh, I'm sorry, I got ... guess I got carried away. (removes the mask, gives it to Giles) Are you okay? XANDER: I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain. BUFFY: Do you wanna sit down? XANDER: I'm not that bendy. (points at the wall) I could lean. GILES: I'll get some ice. Buffy helps Puffy Xander waddle over to the wall and lean against it. BUFFY: Here. XANDER: (loud sigh) BUFFY: Comfy? XANDER: Oh, yeah. This leaning? This is the stuff. BUFFY: That's my secret to attracting men. You know, it's simple really, you slap 'em around a bit, you torture 'em, you make their lives a living hell- XANDER: Buff... BUFFY: ...and sure, the nice guys, they'll run away, but every now and then you'll meet a real prince of a guy like Spike who gets off on it. XANDER: Buffy ... (jerks his head sideways) Stand me up. Buffy helps him stand up straight. He loses his balance and slants toward Buffy, who puts her hands on the puffy stomach to stabilize him. XANDER: The problem is not you. Don't do this to yourself, please. BUFFY: It's just ... I just wanna know that there's gonna be another good one. One that I won't chase away. XANDER: There will be. Promise. He's out there, he could come along any minute. BUFFY: Yeah, and the minute after that I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self-involvement. XANDER: What? I don't think you're like that. BUFFY: Maybe I could change. You know, I could, I could work harder. I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes, I mean, men like that, right, the, the joke-laughing-at? XANDER: Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart, and he'll fall in love with you. Buffy looks touched. BUFFY: Xander, that's ... aw! She puts her arms around Puffy Xander and rests her head on his big puffy chest. XANDER: This is the day you choose to hug me? (shakes head, sighs) Buffy? BUFFY: Mm? XANDER: You ever think maybe the reason you haven't found a great relationship on the Hellmouth is ... because it's a Hellmouth? Seems to me it's a pretty terrible place to try to build anything. Buffy closes her eyes looking peaceful. BUFFY: Mm. Cut to: Sunnydale main street, night. A car comes around a corner and stops by the sidewalk. The passenger door opens and a young woman (April) gets out, closes the door. She is wearing a very short, very tight pink flowered dress. She has long straight dark hair and a perpetual smile. She leans in to talk to the driver of the car. APRIL: Thank you for picking me up. I'm very grateful for the ride. DRIVER GUY: You sure you want to get out here? I mean, this place is kinda ... (looks around) what are you looking for in Sunnydale, anyway? APRIL: (looks around with a smile) True love. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Shonda Farr, Adam Busch, Troy T. Blendell, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by James A. Contner. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on the Summers living room, day. Joyce is wearing a black evening gown with large flowers on it. She is spinning around. Buffy and Dawn sit on the sofa watching. BUFFY: I might like it more than the others. Can you spin around again? Joyce spins again. Buffy smiles. DAWN: Ooh, I'm not sure. Once more. Joyce spins again, smiles at them. BUFFY: Now could you go the other way? Joyce starts to spin, stops and looks at them. JOYCE: You're messing with me! Dawn laughs. BUFFY: We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it. DAWN: Was that five, or four and a half? JOYCE: (holds out her arms) So is anyone gonna talk about my dress? DAWN: I like it. JOYCE: You sure? I mean, it's not too mom-ish? DAWN: Oh. That was why I liked it. (Joyce looks disappointed) BUFFY: You're both crazy. It's not mom-ish at all. (Joyce looks relieved) It's sexy. It screams, "Randy s*x kitten, buy me one drink and I'll..." (pauses) Oh, wait, that's not really good either. Dawn shakes her head in agreement. JOYCE: Oh god. What time is it? BUFFY: (checks her watch) 4:23. You have lots of time until seven. Vast acres of time in which you could plant crops. Now tell me about this Brian and what his intentions are. DAWN: Maybe he's a gigolo. Was his shirt all shiny? (she and Buffy exchange an amused look) JOYCE: No! He works for a publishing house. He's a nice normal guy, okay? BUFFY: I think I've heard of those. JOYCE: He came to the gallery ... my first day back, when I was, you know, kinda shaky, starting over. And he asked a question about these antique cameos (sighs) and I was so lost, because ... Carol had been doing the ordering while I was sick. Well, it turned out that he didn't know anything about them either, so we had a lot to talk about. DAWN: (smiling) So what's the plan for tonight? JOYCE: (smiling) Dinner and then a movie. (frowns) Or maybe it was ... a movie and then dinner. Which might be better, because ... you know, then we could talk about the movie. (Buffy nods) Or maybe a movie isn't a good idea at all, because, well, you know, you can't talk during, and, and then, you know, what's the point of any of it? (Dawn shakes her head) Oh, and about the restaurant. Do you think ... that it should be one with candles, and romantic music, or is that pushing it? Buffy, what do you think? Should I, you know, try to make things romantic, or ... sorta let him set the pace? BUFFY: Oh, no. (stands, walks across to other end of the sofa) Love Doctor Buffy is not in. I am not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and they both left. Really left. Left town left. JOYCE: Honey, you just had some bad luck. DAWN: Well, you're going to that spring break party tonight. Maybe you'll find someone there. BUFFY: Mm-hmm. Or maybe Brian has a son, and Mom and I can go on some unspeakably awkward double dates. JOYCE: Oh god... (puts hands on her chest) Brian. What time is it now? BUFFY: (checks watch) 4:24. JOYCE: (nervous) You sure the dress is okay? DAWN: Hmm. Spin again. Real fast this time. Joyce gives them an amused-scolding look. Cut to: Tara and Anya walking along the UC Sunnydale campus, day. TARA: Willow's good at all that computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that? ANYA: Oh. Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, "whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans." TARA: I go online sometimes, but ... everyone's spelling is really bad, and it's ... depressing. ANYA: But you have to try online trading, it's great! The secret is avoiding the tech companies everyone was jumping on, and, and going with the smaller firms that supply the basic components. TARA: Uh-huh. ANYA: Anyway, I took the money from working for Giles, and I tripled it. TARA: Tripled? Like, first money, then money money money? ANYA: Yes. I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope. April walks up to them with a big smile. APRIL: Hi. Anya and Tara look at each other, then at April. ANYA: Hi. APRIL: I'm looking for Warren. Do you know where Warren is? And if you do, could you tell me? TARA: Um, I, I don't think we know a Warren. (Anya shakes her head) APRIL: Well, all righty, no harm in asking. Thanks! She walks off with a smile. The others watch her go up to a guy sitting on a bench, reading the newspaper. APRIL: Hi, do you know Warren? I need to find him. BENCH GUY: Uh, sorry. Tara and Anya resume walking. TARA: You, you can do all this stuff with a regular computer? ANYA: (smiling) I'll show you. You can also see the website I designed for the magic shop. Huge photo of me. They walk off. In the background we see April walking along in the other direction. Cut to: UC Sunnydale dorm. A party is going on. Music, decorations, lots of drinks, lots of people moving around, talking. We see Ben standing by the punch bowl. Pan across to Buffy and Xander dancing together. XANDER: How you doing, having o' the fun? BUFFY: You know, I am. Dancing with you is way better than trying to hook up with some good-looking guy. XANDER: I think I liked it better when you were kicking me in my puffy groin. Pan further to find Tara, Willow, and Anya standing together. ANYA: I let them do that. Dance together. That was me. TARA: Very nice of you. WILLOW: A good deed. ANYA: Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic reward any second now. The song ends, Buffy and Xander stop dancing. Xander bows. BUFFY: Thank you. Xander walks off. Buffy spots Ben still standing by the punch bowl, talking to someone. The other person leaves and Ben looks around, looking uncomfortable. Buffy walks over while Ben is looking the other way. She leans against a nearby pillar and pretends not to see him. Ben looks around more, notices Buffy. BEN: Buffy. BUFFY: (pretends to notice him) Ben! Hey. I didn't even know you were here. (walks over to him) And again with the non-medical clothing. BEN: Well, actually, these are orthopedic pants. (Buffy just looks at him) Man, that sounded so funny in my head. Buffy laughs a little, then gives a louder fake laugh. Ben looks surprised. BUFFY: It's very, very funny. It's funny in my head too. BEN: (nods) You having a good time? BUFFY: Yeah, I am. I was dancing earlier, and you know, my friends are here, so ... but, I mean, not that it's all about me. Are you enjoying yourself? BEN: I am now. BUFFY: So, um ... do you ... maybe ... wanna dance? BEN: (nervous) I'm not really good. You know, rhythm. (Buffy looks disappointed) Uh, sure. I'd love to. (Buffy smiles) Let me just dump this. (indicating his drink) I'll be right back. BUFFY: Okay. Ben walks off. Buffy stands by herself, looking nervous. Cut to across the room. Xander and Anya are investigating the munchies. ANYA: Look at these tiny grain patties. They're woven. That's craftsmanship. (eating Chex Mix) XANDER: They aren't hand-woven, you know. ANYA: Then how? XANDER: Well, it's a, a machine, and it's ... it sorta .. it presses. He gets distracted, looking across the room. Shot of April entering. XANDER: And there may be a mold of some sort ... who's that? Anya looks. April looks around the room. APRIL: Warren? Shot of a guy in the crowd looking up nervously. ANYA: Oh, that girl. Tara and I met her. We see the nervous boy behind Anya and Xander. As Anya speaks, he quickly slips away. ANYA: She speaks with a strange evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely. XANDER: Well, some of us like that kind of thing in a girl. Anya smiles at him. APRIL: (OS) Warren? Cut to the nervous guy (Warren) moving quickly through the crowd, going over to another girl (Katrina) who's sitting down. KATRINA: Hi, did you get me a drink? WARREN: We gotta go, she's gonna see me. He grabs Katrina's hand and pulls her up. KATRINA: She who? What's up, Warren? WARREN: It doesn't matter. Come on. He pulls her away. Cut to April approaching random partygoers. APRIL: Is Warren here? Willow walks past April and approaches Anya and Xander. WILLOW: I thought you were getting the crunchies. (taking some Chex Mix) ANYA: Xander got hypnotized by the strange girl. I am remaining calm, however. Shot of April looking through the crowd. XANDER: Uh-uh, no, I'm, I'm right with you. You don't know what you're talking about. (quietly) Here she comes. April approaches them, still with her big smile. APRIL: I heard that Warren was here. Is Warren here? XANDER: Um, Warren who? APRIL: He's ... Warren. And he's looking for me. He lost me. She walks away. Tara approaches the other scoobies. April goes over to some other random people. APRIL: Is Warren here? TARA: It's that girl again. Is she still looking for Warren? (the others nod) Weird, it's been like all day. WILLOW: There's something strange about her. She talks funny. ANYA: Some men find that appealing. She smiles at Xander, who smiles back, although he's still occupied watching April. Shot of April talking to still more random people. APRIL: Have you guys seen Warren? Cut back to the Scoobies. TARA: I just hope she finds him. XANDER: Somehow I don't think a girl that looks like that's gonna be lonely for too long. WILLOW: Definitely not. Willow grins and nods, then notices Tara, who frowns and folds her arms. WILLOW: Oh, not me, I, I was just saying, a pretty girl like that, there's always someone lurking around, looking for some action. Tara looks mollified. Willow looks a little embarrassed. Cut to Buffy still waiting for Ben. Spike walks up next to her. She doesn't notice him. Spike smirks, looks her up and down, and just stands there until Buffy turns and notices him. SPIKE: Small world. (Buffy glares) Oh dear. If looks could stake. (Buffy continues glaring) You having fun, pet? You ... trolling for your next ex? (looks around) I gotta say, you can do better. BUFFY: I told you, I wa- SPIKE: Thought I was gonna leave town? It's a free country. Free party. (reaches for some snacks on the table, turns back to Buffy with a smirk) If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me. He eats a snack and smirks suggestively at Buffy. She looks disgusted. BUFFY: Get away from me. Spike starts to say something, stops, nods and walks away, still smirking. Ben walks up to Buffy. BEN: Was that guy bothering you? Should I, um, offer to get inappropriately violent or something? BUFFY: (smiles) No. BEN: (smiles) Good, 'cause, honestly, I don't wanna. Shot of Spike moving into the crowd, looking over at Buffy and Ben chatting. BUFFY: So, are you ready to dance? BEN: Um, first... (we see he's holding a small pink piece of paper) BUFFY: What's that? BEN: Uh, yeah, my phone number. (We see Spike in the background watching) I was gonna try to subtly work it into the conversation, but it didn't pan out, and I thought I should try to give it to you before you see me dance. He holds it out. Buffy takes it. BEN: You know, in case you wanna get coffee. BUFFY: Thank you. Um, I, I just, I-I think you should know that I ... (sighs) I kind of have this bad history in which, you know, we go get coffee, and, well, it all ends with, with you leaving town, and you just got here and everything... BEN: Apparently we'd be risking a tragic chain reaction, but ... I just really like ... coffee. I think coffee might be worth it. And I would like to get to know ... coffee better. Buffy smiles. BUFFY: Then I'll call you. Cut to Spike looking annoyed, walking off. He comes upon April talking to another girl. APRIL: Have you seen Warren? GIRL: No, sorry. (walks off) SPIKE: And who are you, darlin'? APRIL: I'm April. Spike looks over at Buffy talking to Ben. Buffy looks over at Spike, quickly looks back at Ben. APRIL: I'm looking for my fella. SPIKE: Maybe you just found him. APRIL: (excited) Really? Where? Spike grins, leans in and whispers in her ear. April looks angry. APRIL: Oh! She grabs Spike by the front of his shirt and lifts him over her head. SPIKE: Hey! Hey! Hey! Shot of Buffy and Ben looking over. Everyone in the area is staring at April and Spike. APRIL: (still holding Spike over her head) That would be wrong. You are not my boyfriend! She throws him through a window, which shatters. Everyone stares. Shot of Buffy and Ben staring. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Fade back in on the same scene. April and all the other partygoers watch as Spike gets up, broken glass falling all around him. He stands outside the dorm and looks in through the now glassless window. SPIKE: Bloody hell! You threw me through a window! Shot of April just looking at him. SPIKE: What's that about? Shot of Buffy and Ben moving closer to the action. APRIL: You do not make those suggestions to me. I have a boyfriend. Warren is my boyfriend. SPIKE: You know what? My bleeding sympathies to Warren. Spike walks off. April turns away from the window. The onlookers move back a bit. APRIL: No one but Warren can touch me. She begins to walk off. Buffy intercepts her. BUFFY: Excuse me. Hi. Um, uh, maybe you and I could talk. You know, 'cause, throwing Spike through a window, (pauses, grins) well, that's really good... (stops smiling) um, but, you know, generally speaking- APRIL: Do you know my boyfriend? BUFFY: Okay. I think you need to take a second and stop looking for your boyfriend. April grabs Buffy by the upper arms and flings her backwards. She flies back several yards and lands on the floor with an expression of pain, grabbing her arm. APRIL: (OS) I have to find him. April walks over to where Buffy is sitting up, clutching her arm in pain. APRIL: If I hurt you just now, I'm sorry. And I hope that your boyfriend will take good care of you. April walks off as Ben, Xander, Willow, Anya, and Tara rush over to Buffy. Buffy pouts sadly as she watches April leave. Cut to: a student lounge in the dorm. Buffy is pacing, still holding her arm. The Scoobies are sitting in various chairs. BUFFY: Ow. I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me. TARA: Well, at least she didn't do too much damage. XANDER: Are you kidding? Double-glazed windows ain't cheap. And the jamb needs to be completely repaired. (pauses) Oh dear god, I'm the grownup who sees the world through my job. I'm like my uncle Dave the plumber. I must be shunned. WILLOW: Okay. BUFFY: So, what do you guys think she is? I mean, this may sound nuts, but I kinda got the impression that she was a- TARA: Robot. Everyone nods in complete agreement. XANDER: Oh yeah, robot. BUFFY: Yeah, I was gonna say robot. What do you think she wants? TARA: Warren, whoever that is. XANDER: It's gotta be the guy that built her. WILLOW: It's an unusual name. There's hardly any except ... Warren Beatty and, you know, President Harding. It-it's probably not either of them. BUFFY: Will, can you track down this guy with only a first name? WILLOW: (nods) Given enough time. I can get a list of the Sunnydale students named Warren tonight, but ... then we'll have to call them or go to their dorms, so we probably can't start narrowing it down till tomorrow. Buffy frowns. ANYA: She could do a lot of damage by then. XANDER: To who, Spike? See how vigorously I don't care. (Buffy smiles) She was looking for this Warren, but it didn't sound like she wanted to hurt him. She said he's her boyfriend. WILLOW: I agree. I'm not sure this is a code red. Hey, is there a code pink? We need more codes. (Tara smiles at her) BUFFY: Okay. We'll track down Warren tomorrow. Tonight I better go rescue Giles. He's been watching Dawn while my mom's out on her date, and I have a feeling there's only so much he can take. TARA: Oh, Giles and Dawnie? I bet they ended up having a blast. Cut to: Giles and Buffy standing in the Summers foyer, by the open door. GILES: Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her. BUFFY: (nods, grins) What'd she make you do? GILES: Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance ... then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys. BUFFY: (laughs) I'm sorry. I'm very very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my "fun time Buffy party night" involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window, (Giles looks interested) so if you wanna trade... (pauses) No ... wait ... I wouldn't give that memory up for anything. GILES: A robot? Sounds interesting. BUFFY: We're gonna work on it in the morning. I mean, unless you wanna stay for a while, and then you and I could- Joyce appears behind Giles, entering the house with a big smile. JOYCE: Who wants to hear everything? BUFFY: ...listen to my mom talk about boys. GILES: (quickly) Right, must go. See you tomorrow. Bye Joyce. (leaves) JOYCE: Bye Rupert. Joyce closes the door behind Giles, turns and gives Buffy a big smile. JOYCE: Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be. BUFFY: (smiles) I don't know. I was standing right here. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a goodnight kiss. Joyce smiles, walks past Buffy to put her purse down. BUFFY: It all looked pretty tame to me. JOYCE: Well, I suppose by your standards it could seem pretty ... (pauses) Oh dear. BUFFY: What? JOYCE: I left my bra in his car. Buffy looks shocked and horrified. BUFFY: Mother! JOYCE: I'm joking. BUFFY: (sighs) Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that. JOYCE: I left it in the restaurant. Buffy puts her hands over her ears and starts running up the stairs. BUFFY: No more! No more! No more! JOYCE: (yelling up the stairs at her) On the dessert cart! BUFFY: (OS, faintly) I can't hear you! Cut to: exterior aerial shot of Sunnydale, night. Sound of knocking. Cut to: April standing on the front porch of a house. The porch light comes on. A man opens the door, looking sleepy. SLEEPY GUY: Yeah? What? APRIL: (big smile) Hi! Does Warren live here? SLEEPY GUY: What the hell - what are you doing, it's 3:30! APRIL: Yes, it is! Does Warren live here? The guy gives her an angry look, slams the door in her face. APRIL: Okay then. Bye. She walks down the steps, across the lawn, and over to the next house. Knocks on that door. Cut to: magic shop, day. Buffy and the scoobies sit around the table. Giles stands next to it. Willow is using her computer (iBook). GILES: And you're certain she was a robot? BUFFY: Absolutely. TARA: Well, she practically had "Genuine Molded Plastic" stamped on her ass. Giles and Willow give her looks. TARA: Just ... tryin' a little spicy talk. (Willow smiles) ANYA: She was looking for someone named Warren. BUFFY: Willow's already checked the Sunnydale enrollment. WILLOW: And got nothin'. I found one Warren, but he moved out of the country a year ago. I'm checking nearby schools. XANDER: Whoever he is, he knows his stuff. That girl, well... (Buffy looks at him) that was a nice-lookin' girl. Tara gives Xander a dubious look. ANYA: It's okay for him to say that, 'cause I know that he really loves me only. Xander leans over to take Anya's hand. Buffy watches this a little sadly. GILES: (OS) Is there something the rest of us could be doing? XANDER: What can we do? TARA: Oh, do you have any books on robots? GILES: Oh, yes, dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before - no, I'm lying. I haven't got squat, I just like to see Xander squirm. XANDER: (fake laugh) Funny. Charming and funny. WILLOW: Hey! I think I found him. A Warren Mears. He went to Sunnydale High with us for a semester, and then he went to the tech college over in Dutton. I've got a local address where his folks still live. (writing it down) TARA: He's probably home for spring break. BUFFY: Well, I'll go talk to him. (takes the paper from Willow) GILES: No no no no no, wait, we don't know what you're walking into. (looks behind him, notices a customer standing by the counter) Uh, we have no idea what his motive is for building this thing. (stands) TARA: Um ... don't you think se's just... (makes insinuating face) WILLOW: Yeah ... she's just sort of a... (makes the same face) XANDER: She's a sexbot. (to Giles) I mean, what guy doesn't dream about that? Giles walks off to help the customer. XANDER: (wistfully) Beautiful girl with ... no other thought but to please you ... willing to do anything... He looks up. Shots of the four girls staring at him. Xander laughs nervously. XANDER: Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but... (clears throat) he'd get it. (Willow turns her attention back to the computer) ANYA: Why would anyone do that if they could have a real live person? WILLOW: Maybe he couldn't. Find a real person. BUFFY: Oh, come on. The guy's just a big wedge of sleaze, don't make excuses for him. Giles finishes helping the customer and returns to sit with them. WILLOW: I'm not, I'm just saying, people get lonely, and maybe having someone around, even someone you made up ... maybe it's easier. Shot of Buffy looking pensive. TARA: But it's so weird. I mean, everyone wants a nice normal person to share with, but this guy, if he couldn't find that, I guess it's ... kinda sad. Shot of Buffy staring at her hands. Cut to Buffy walking into the workout room, looking at the piece of paper with Ben's phone number on it. She sighs, picks up the phone, puts it down, picks it up again. Cut to: Glory's apartment. We see Glory from the chest up, bare shoulders. She's sweaty and gasping, breathing rhythmically. The phone begins to ring. Glory morphs into Ben. He's panting too. He picks up the phone. BEN: (breathlessly) Hello? Cut back to workout room. BUFFY: Hey. Ben, it, it's Buffy. Is this a bad time? I know it's kinda early. Cut back to Glory's apartment. BEN: No, I just ... I just got in is all. Night shift at the hospital. I'm glad you called. Cut back to workout room. BUFFY: Well, I found your number in my pocket, and, you know, figured I'd pick up the phone a couple of times, and then hang up, and then finally call, and see if maybe you wanted to get that cup of coffee, or... Cut back to Glory's apartment. We still see Ben only from the shoulders up. BEN: Yeah, yes. Coffee would be great. ... Tomorrow night? Sure. Bye. He hangs up, smiling. He puts his hands on his hips, frowns, looks down. Long shot of Ben standing in the middle of the apartment wearing a short strapless red dress. He sighs. BEN: (annoyed) Fine. Cut to: exterior shot of a house, day. Cut to inside. Warren is stuffing piles of clothing into a bag. Katrina watches. KATRINA: But we just got here. If you don't wanna be here, why didn't we just stay in Dutton? Or we could have gone to my sister's. WARREN: (walks around the room gathering up more stuff) Katrina, I don't wanna hear about your sister's place again. Pack your stuff now. KATRINA: Why the rush? It's real early. Are we even gonna say goodbye to your mom? WARREN: (packing) Uh, you can call her. KATRINA: Warren. Is something going on you don't want me to see? WARREN: Katrina, um, if you don't wanna pack, that's fine. We can buy new stuff. Now let's just go! He grabs the bag and Katrina's hand, and leads her to the door. Warren opens the door to discover Buffy, standing on the step with her fist upraised to knock. She frowns in surprise. BUFFY: (to Warren) I have to talk to you. KATRINA: Who's this? WARREN: (to Buffy) Is this about her? BUFFY: Yes. KATRINA: Her who? Warren, something's going on here. Strange girls... WARREN: Katrina, please be quiet, okay, this is important. Wait in the kitchen. KATRINA: And I'm not important? Warren, just tell her to go away. WARREN: (looks at Buffy) I can't. KATRINA: You're keeping secrets from me. Other girls, and who knows what else? WARREN: Trina, shut up. KATRINA: That's it. Forget it, Warren. I'm gone. She walks out past Buffy and away. WARREN: No, Katrina! Ahhh... Buffy shrugs, walks inside. BUFFY: My name is Buffy Summers. We were at Sunnydale High together. Do you know who I am? WARREN: Yes, I know. Um, April, did she hurt someone? BUFFY: Not yet. (thinks) Well, no one that matters. WARREN: She's looking for me. You know, uh, she followed me here. BUFFY: Okay, kind of figured that out. WARREN: No, no, there's more. Uh, there's something you need to know about her. BUFFY: I know. WARREN: No, wait, this is important. BUFFY: Believe me, I, I worked it out. WARREN: No, this is something, uh, that you can't possibly know. Buffy folds her arms and nods to him to continue. Zoom in dramatically on Warren taking a deep breath. WARREN: She's a robot. Buffy looks at him as if expecting more. BUFFY: Uh-huh. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on the magic shop. Willow, Dawn, Tara, and Xander are walking from the back of the store toward the front. DAWN: A robot? Really? Was it Ted? 'Cause I always said there could have been more than one of him. WILLOW: Nope, whole new robot. This one was a girl. XANDER: Buffy's busy tracking down the guy that made her, (puts hand on the doorknob) so I'll drop you off at school, and if she's not finished, then- SPIKE: (OS) Coming through! Coming through. As Xander opens the door, Spike runs in, holding a blanket over himself. The blanket is on fire. The others jump back. We see Giles and Anya in the background. Spike drops the blanket on the floor and stomps out the fire. SPIKE: Fire! Fire! The others stare at him. Giles comes forward. We see Anya in the background. We can see that Spike still has a bunch of small cuts on his face and neck from being thrown through the window. SPIKE: Hello, all. What's going on then? GILES: Spike, you're not welcome here. WILLOW: Yeah, and by the way, we're working on a way to de-invite you from here. (Spike looks surprised) Even if it is a public place. XANDER: Nah, forget it. Letting him in is good, 'cause then we get to toss him out. ANYA: Ooh, can we throw him out the window like the robot did? 'Cause that was neat. SPIKE: Robot? That's what she was? (scoffs) Knew something wasn't right. (looks over at Dawn, who's standing behind Tara) Hey. Someone's glad to see me, aren't you, little bit? DAWN: Stay away from me. TARA: I think you better go. (steps in front of Dawn and folds her arms) SPIKE: Okay, now, I was afraid of this. Misrepresentations, misunderstandings, slurs and allegations. I don't know what Buffy told you, but the thing is, the Slayer and I worked together, side by side, to get rid of Dru. Who was up to no good. And I don't mind telling you- GILES: (takes off his glasses, moves closer to Spike) Spike ... listen to me. SPIKE: It's just ... I'm trying to explain. She might have said some things that sounded like I expressed some kind of feeling- Giles shoves Spike backward. He stumbles into a bookshelf. Giles walks slowly up to him, glaring angrily. GILES: (softly) We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy. (Spike stares at him) There is no way to Buffy. Giles leans over, picks up the blanket and slams it into Spike's chest. He leans in close and looks Spike in the eye. GILES: Clear out of here. And Spike, this thing ... get over it. SPIKE: (small smile) I don't know what you mean. GILES: Yes, you do. Move the hell on. The others just watch. Spike takes a deep breath as if he's going to say something. Giles gives him a steely glare. Spike puts the blanket over his head and exits. Cut to: the coffee shop on Sunnydale's main street, day. April walks up to a group of four young men sitting at a table. APRIL: I'm looking for my boyfriend Warren. COFFEE GUY 1: What? APRIL: He comes from here and I need him. But ... it's confusing, and I've already walked a really long way. I'm sure he's nearby. COFFEE GUY 1: Oh, Warren! You're looking for Warren? APRIL: Yes! Do you know him? Do you know where he is? COFFEE GUY 1: Man, let me think. APRIL: Please think. COFFEE GUY 1: Geez, this is too bad, you, you just missed him. APRIL: (pouts) Yes? Where did he go? COFFEE GUY 1: Warren? Uh, he headed out. (points) Uh, that way. Hurry, you might catch him. APRIL: (relieved sigh) Oh, thank you. I was getting very tired. Thank you. She hurries off. The guys watch her go, then look at Coffee Guy 1. COFFEE GUY 2: Who's Warren? COFFEE GUY 1: Hell if I know. They all laugh. Cut to: exterior shot of Warren's house, day. BUFFY VOICEOVER: So you have girl troubles. Cut to inside. Buffy sits on the sofa while Warren paces. BUFFY: They're not talking to you, you're not gettin' dates ... you start thinking, "hey, this isn't fair." WARREN: Yeah, I mean, I felt like I deserved to have someone. You know, I mean, everyone deserves to have someone. BUFFY: So naturally you turned to manufacturing. WARREN: Kinda. BUFFY: And how long did it take to build yourself that little toy? WARREN: Oh, no, she's not a toy. I mean, I know what you're thinking, but she's more than that. BUFFY: I'm sure she has many exciting labor-saving attachments. WARREN: No, I made her to love me. Cut to: April walking down the street, day. WARREN VOICEOVER: I mean, she cares about what I care about, and she wants to be with me. She listens to me and supports me. Cut back to Warren's house. WARREN: I didn't make a toy. I made a girlfriend. BUFFY: A girlfriend. Are you saying ... are you in love with her? WARREN: I really thought I would be. Cut to April walking down more streets, looking around. WARREN VOICEOVER: I mean, she's perfect. I don't know, I ... I guess it was too easy. And predictable. Cut back to Warren's house. WARREN: You know, she got boring. (Buffy rolls her eyes) She was exactly what I wanted, and I didn't want her. (laughs crazily) I thought I was going crazy. BUFFY: Really? You? WARREN: Then something happened. (sits next to her) Katrina was in my engineering seminar, and she was really funny and cool. You know, she was always givin' me a hard time, real ... unpredictable. She builds these little model monorails that run with magnets, and ... (pauses, looks at Buffy) Anyway. (shrugs) I fell in love with Katrina. BUFFY: Swell. Romance and magnetic trains. But first you decided to take April out of the box... Cut to April still walking. BUFFY VOICEOVER: ...play with her for five minutes, and then what? You got bored, decided to dump her, tell her to go away? Cut back to the house. WARREN: Kinda. BUFFY: And she got mad. She didn't go, huh? WARREN: Okay, I didn't really dump her, as much as I, uh, went out, and, uh, didn't come back. (Buffy stares) I left her, I ... left her in my dorm room. BUFFY: (angry) You left her in your dorm room?! WARREN: Well, I figured I could just kinda get away until her batteries gave out. Which should have been days ago. BUFFY: Did you even tell her? I mean, did you even give her a chance to fix what was wrong? WARREN: I didn't need to fix anything. I mean, her batteries were supposed to run down. Really, they should be completely dead by now. BUFFY: So why aren't they? WARREN: I don't, I don't know. I mean, maybe ... uh, she must be recharging them somehow. BUFFY: Warren, this is important. Is she dangerous? WARREN: She's only programmed to be in love. BUFFY: Then she's dangerous. Do you have any idea how to find her? WARREN: Well, she's looking for me, so my guess is she's probably pretty close. Cut to: Katrina walking along quickly, approaching a children's playground. April intercepts her. APRIL: Hi! Katrina stares, then makes a disgusted noise and tries to walk around April. April moves to block her path. APRIL: Do you know where Warren is? I need to get to Warren. KATRINA: This is getting insane, how many of you are there? APRIL: There's only me. April. KATRINA: April. Fine. (angrily) Listen up, April. Warren is my boyfriend. Mine. And you others probably oughta figure that out. April grabs Katrina by the upper arm. KATRINA: Ow. Ow! Let go! (struggles but April holds on) APRIL: Don't go. You have to stay and tell the truth. April pulls Katrina toward her, turns her around and wraps her arms around Katrina, pinning her arms to her sides. April locks her hands together over Katrina's stomach and squeezes. Katrina gasps for air. APRIL: You're lying. He cannot be your boyfriend. Say that he's my boyfriend. KATRINA: (gasping) I can't ... I can't breathe. Let go! APRIL: You have to stop lying. Katrina continues gasping and choking. Cut to: a box. A pile of photos of Buffy flies into view and lands in the box. Pan up to find Spike dismantling his Buffy Shrine, throwing the pictures into the box with angry motions. He grabs the blonde wig off of the mannequin and tosses it, along with Buffy's blue cashmere sweater, into the box. SPIKE: Bloody right, I'll move on. Cut to: Buffy and Warren walking along the street. WARREN: (yelling) April! April, are you there? (normal voice) If the batteries are still working and she hears my voice, then ... she'll answer. BUFFY: She's voice-activated? WARREN: Well, I made it so that if she heard me and she didn't answer, it causes this kind of feedback. BUFFY: Wait, if you call her and she doesn't answer, it hurts her? (he looks embarrassed) You're one creepy little dweeb, Warren. WARREN: (yells) April! Close shot of April's face. APRIL: Warren! Buffy and Warren stop walking, look shocked. WARREN: April. We see April standing there holding Katrina by the neck. Katrina's feet are not touching the ground and she appears to be unconscious. APRIL: Where have you been? I couldn't find you, and this girl kept lying to me, and ... then she went to sleep. Buffy and Warren stare in dismay. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Fade back in on the same scene. WARREN: April, what did you do? APRIL: (looks at Katrina, back at Warren) Please don't be angry, Warren. I'm trying very hard to make you happy. BUFFY: April. I want you to put the girl down. APRIL: Warren? What should I do? Warren hesitates. BUFFY: (to Warren) Talk to her! WARREN: Pu-put her down! APRIL: Okay. WARREN: This is Buffy. Give Katrina to Buffy. April lowers Katrina. Buffy and Warren carry Katrina to a nearby bench and lie her down. APRIL: Is she broken? Buffy feels Katrina's neck for a pulse. BUFFY: She's alive. Warren looks relieved, moves toward April. APRIL: Warren, honey, what's going on? Why did you go away? Is it a game? WARREN: No. No, this isn't a game. APRIL: Did I do something wrong? (Buffy watches, still sitting on the bench holding Katrina's head) I waited a long time and you never came back. A long time. I made you five sweaters. WARREN: That's great, you could go back and get them. So you could wait there, and- BUFFY: Warren! (he looks back at her) You have to tell her. And do it right. Warren looks nervously at April. APRIL: What is she saying, Warren? What do you need to tell me? WARREN: (stammers) April, I made a mistake. APRIL: (laughs) You can't make mistakes. WARREN: No, I did. Cut to image of Warren from April's point of view. It's like a blue computer screen with Warren's face in a circle in the middle. Along the top left is a list labeled "Directives." The lists consists of "mk warren hpy.fld", "locate_warren.fld", and "protect warren.fld". Along the top right is another list under the heading "LOCATE WARREN" with a line connecting "locate_warren.fld" on the left to the list on the right. The right-hand list reads: favorite_places.gfd phne #'s.gfd scent.gfd questions.gfd gps tracking.gfd clues.gfd *end of list* At the lower left are the words "recognition module." As Warren talks, underneath the heading "recognition module" appears the word "WARREN" and then "boyfriend." The "locate warren" list disappears and is replaced by a list connected to the "mk warren hpy" directive: kissing_01.gfd kissing_02.gfd lstn sympthtc.gfd gv_hm_prsnts.gfd sex01.gfd sex02.gfd sex03.gfd sex04.gfd praise.gfd neckrubs.gfd fetish_01.gfd fetish_02.gfd fetish_03.gfd positions01.gfd positions02.gfd positions03.gfd positions04.gfd positions05.gfd positions06.gfd The list of positions continues off the bottom of the screen. Meanwhile, underneath "Warren" and "Boyfriend" appear other identifiers: really smart handsome best lover snappy dresser good dancer All of this appears while Warren is talking. WARREN: (in computer display) I thought that I made you everything that I wanted, but it wasn't really what I wanted. Cut to shot of April reacting. Cut back to the display. WARREN: (in computer display) I'm sorry, bu-but it's over. Cut back to April smiling. APRIL: But ... I can be whatever you want. I love you. I'll do whatever you want. Would you like a neckrub? She moves forward reaching for Warren's neck. He fends her off. WARREN: No, hey, no. See, I - I know that you love me, but the truth is, I can't love you. (April frowns) I mean, it's not your fault, but... Cut back to the computer display. WARREN: I don't love you. The display goes blurry for a moment, then reappears with the "locate warren" list. A red dot appears on the image of Warren's face, and at the bottom of the screen, in red letters, the words COMBAT MODE ENABLED. The display turns green and a shrill alarm begins to sound. The image of Warren's face looks fearful. WARREN: I love her! He quickly moves out of the way and the image focuses on Buffy behind him, sitting on the bench. The alarm continues. The red dot is now centered on Buffy's chest. Cut to April. She growls. BUFFY: She growls? You made her so she growls? WARREN: Well... April grabs Buffy and flings her away. She lands on some grass, gets up as April approaches. April goes over to a see-saw and lifts one end of it. She brings her arm down on the middle of the board so it snaps in half. Buffy looks alarmed. April swings the piece of wood at Buffy, who grabs it. They grapple. Buffy kicks April in the stomach and she stumbles back, grabbing the bench to steady herself. We see Katrina still lying on the bench and Warren in the background. Buffy swings the piece of wood but April gets out of the way and it slams down on the bench, awaking Katrina, who sits up. Buffy swings again and hits April in the stomach, tearing away her dress and exposing machinery in her stomach. KATRINA: What's going on? WARREN: No, no, Trina- Shot of April's inner workings sparking. WARREN: Get away. Katrina gets up and backs away from the fight, toward Warren. Buffy swings the wood at April again and April grabs it, pulls it out of Buffy's hands, tosses it away and punches Buffy. Buffy flies backward and lands on her back, turns it into a backflip and gets up. She ducks a punch and lands another one on April. KATRINA: (clutching her throat) What is ... what ... that's a robot! (sound of fighting continues) WARREN: (watching the fight) She wasn't just for s*x. KATRINA: Is that ... is that your ex-girlfriend? WARREN: (looks at her) I... KATRINA: No, get the hell away from me! She starts to run off. Warren runs after her. WARREN: No, no, no, Trina, no, Trina, wait... Buffy and April continue exchanging punches and head-butts. Buffy kicks April, who falls down in the sand next to a swing set. Buffy grabs the chains holding a swing up and uses them to hold her up while she kicks April in the face, then hits her with the swing itself. April grabs Buffy by the throat and lifts her off the ground as Buffy struggles and gasps for air. APRIL: You took my man. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to ... (pauses) I can't ... can't crush! So ... tired. She lets go of Buffy, who coughs and gasps as April stares at her own hand. APRIL: (anxious) Warren? Where are you? What's happening to me? Her hand slowly drops to her side. There's a sound like machinery powering down. Buffy stares. Cut to: a little later. Pan across the playground to find Buffy and April sitting on the swings side by side. April is leaning against the chain as it's the only thing holding her up. BUFFY: Can you cry? Sometimes I feel better when I cry. But ... there might be rust issues. APRIL: Crying is blackmail. Good girlfriends don't cry. BUFFY: Oh. APRIL: I rechecked everything. I did everything I was supposed to do. I was a good girlfriend. BUFFY: I'm sure you were. APRIL: I'm only supposed to love him. If I can't do that, what am I for? What do I exist for? BUFFY: I don't know. (shakes head) It isn't fair. He wasn't fair to you. April looks around, moving only her eyes. APRIL: It's getting dark. Buffy looks around too. It looks as sunny as ever. APRIL: It's so early to be dark. BUFFY: (softly) Yeah. APRIL: What if he comes back and he can't find me in the dark? BUFFY: I'm here. I'll make sure that he finds you. APRIL: (smiles) Maybe this is a girlfriend test. If I wait here patiently this time, he'll come back. BUFFY: I'm sure he will. And he'll ... he'll tell you how sorry he is. (pauses) You know, he told me ... how proud he was of you and ... how impressed he was with how much you loved him and how you tried to help him. (April smiles happily) He didn't mean to hurt you. APRIL: He's going to take me home, and things will be right again. BUFFY: (nods) It'll be fine. APRIL: (still smiling) When things are sad ... you just have to be patient. (Her speech begins to slow) Because ... because every ... cloud has a silver lining. And ... when life ... gives you lemons ... make ... lemonade. BUFFY: Clouds and lemonade, huh? APRIL: Yes. And ... and ... (her voice gets deeper like a tape running too slow) things are ... always ... darkest ... before... She stops, frozen with a small smile on her face. Her eyes stay open. Buffy looks at her with a frown, then looks down pensively. The camera pulls up and out to a wide aerial shot as Buffy turns away, then turns back, still sitting on the swing next to April. Cut to: Xander fixing the window in the dorm, wearing a toolbelt. He pushes some small chips of wood underneath the bottom of the new window. XANDER: See, you construct the wood jamb and frame the glass into it, and that's what you set into the opening. We see Buffy sitting nearby, watching. BUFFY: Yeah? XANDER: One of the cool things about that, you see is, uh, the jamb can be shimmed to be square, even if the opening isn't. BUFFY: Shimmed? Is that even a real word? Do you have any idea what you're talking about? XANDER: Yeah, I do. (smiles) Scary, isn't it? I think I've actually turned into someone you want around after a crazed robot attack. BUFFY: And if you ever start your own business, you have your slogan right there. (pauses, looks thoughtful) And she wasn't crazed. XANDER: (skeptical) Yeah?) BUFFY: She devoted everything to making this one person happy. And then it was like, with him gone, there was just ... no reason for her to exist any more. XANDER: Robots are the strangest people. BUFFY: No ... people are the strangest people. (she looks down as Xander continues working) I mean, look at me obsessing about being with someone. It's like ... I don't need a guy right now. I need me. I need to get comfortable being alone with Buffy. XANDER: Well, I'll say this, she's a pretty cool person to be alone with. BUFFY: (smiles) Thank you. Xander turns back to the window again. Buffy picks up the piece of paper with Ben's phone number on it, looks at it, bites her lip. Cut to: a moment later. Pan across Xander still working on the window. Pan over to Buffy talking into a pay phone. BUFFY: Hi, it's Buffy. Um, I hope this is your machine, there, there wasn't a message. Anyway, um, about coffee. I, um ... I just ... I don't think this is the best time for me to be ... drinking... Cut to Glory's apartment. We see the answering machine sitting there on the table. BUFFY: (on machine) ...coffee. Um, I'm sorry. And, um, bye. Pan up to Glory, wearing a sparkly gold dress, with her arms crossed over her chest, listening. GLORY: What the hell? We see Jinx behind her. JINX: If I may, your inconceivableness, it sounds to these humble ears like our Ben tried to make a date with the Slayer. GLORY: (confused) A date with the Slayer? No. No. (shakes her head firmly) No, no, no. He is planning something, he's working against me. Jinx shrugs. Glory frowns, looks from him to the answering machine and back again. GLORY: (pouting) She turned us down? Cut to: Warren's house. Warren is talking on the cordless phone, moving around, packing. WARREN: Trina, no, wait, listen, listen, I'm so sorry. I guess I asked- No, no, just give me a chance to explain, I ... Yes! No, but she - no, no, listen, listen, I'll do anything, just, no, no, don't hang up! He sighs, goes to hang up the phone. Turns around and gasps in shock as he sees Spike standing behind him, holding the box full of Buffy Shrine stuff. WARREN: How, how'd you get in here? SPIKE: Your mum let me in. (walks closer) I'm placing an order. WARREN: Oh, no, no, I'm not making any more girls. SPIKE: Sure you are. (shoves the box into Warren's hands) Here's your specs. Shot of the box full of Buffy photos and the Buffy wig. Warren stares at Spike. SPIKE: You're gonna make her real good for me. (smiles) Cut to: Buffy entering her home. BUFFY: (calling) Hey, Mom. She turns, sees some flowers on the table beside the door. BUFFY: Ooh. She opens the card that came with the flowers. Shot of the card, which reads: "Thank you for a lovely evening. See you soon? Brian." BUFFY: (to herself) Still a couple of guys gettin' it right. She turns to call up the stairs, putting down her jacket. BUFFY: (calls) Hey. Flower-gettin' lady. Want me to pick Dawn up from school? In the background, on the living room sofa, we can see someone or something, but it's out of focus; the focus is on Buffy in the foreground. Buffy frowns, looks down the hall toward the kitchen. BUFFY: Mom? She turns and looks in the living room. BUFFY: What are you doing? She walks into the living room, stops. Shot of Joyce lying on the sofa. Her eyes are open, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. One arm hangs loosely over the edge of the sofa. She does not move or blink. BUFFY: (quieter) Mom? (even quieter) Mom? (very quietly) Mommy? Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

A robot girlfriend, April, is abandoned by her creator, Warren. When April tries to kill Warren's current girlfriend, Buffy intervenes. Spike secretly coerces Warren into making him a robot of Buffy.

fd_True_Blood_01x11

fd_True_Blood_01x11_0

Scene 1: In the woods - Bill, Pam, Jessica Bill is hollowing out a dig in the ground. Jessica is unconscious. Pam is looking at Jessica and playing with her dress. Bill: Would you leave her alone? Pam: It's your own fault. You and your insane affection for stupid cattle. Bill: Just go away. Pam: I wouldn't have to be here if the Magister could trust you. Bill: I fulfilled the conditions of my sentence. I murdered this innocent girl. Pam: There was no murder. You drained her blood and gave her yours. Bill: I've proven my loyalty. Pam sits on a trunk. Pam: Yes. But you're romantic, you're sentimental. You just might do something to keep the little bloodbag from joining our ranks. I'll follow my orders. I won't let you stake her before she goes to ground. Bill: I'm not gonna stake her, I'm gonna set her free. Pam: You've already set her free. The same as Eric freed me. Bill: Everyone she's ever known will recoil from her. Everything she's ever loved has been stolen from her. Pam: Oh, please, there's no comparison. You've given that pathetic lump a temporary flesh... Bill: Jessica. Pam: ... the ultimate gift. You're a maker. You're a hero. Bill: I find myself doubting whether you were ever truly human. Pam: Thank you. She pushes with her foot Jessica in the whole. Bill: D*** you. Bill goes in and lay Jessica. Pam: Once she's planted in the earth, the transformation will begin. Bill: I know. Pam: I'll tuck you in. (He lays near Jessica) Tomorrow night your little girl will rise a vampire. Credit Scene 2: Sookie's house - Sam, Sookie Sam is in Sookie's saloon. He tries to call Tara. Tara voice: This is Tara. Leave a message. Easy stuff. Sam: Hey, Tara, where you at? At least let me know you're not drunk in a ditch somewhere. I'm sorry I take it back. Just call, okay? Sookie arrives. Sam: Hey. Sookie: I had to put those clothes on the wash. It felt like the killer was all over me. Watching me, hating me itching for a knife or a rope or my neck. Sam: You didn't get any sense of who it was? Sookie: No, just pictures. His thoughts were all red and black and snarly. But there was something familiar. Sam: Like somebody from Bon Temps? Or somebody from the bar? Sookie: No one I could recognize for sure. Sam: Look, I think we should call the police. Sookie: And what would I say? "Sheriff Dearborne, Andy Bellefleur, I saw a woman die. I just had to be in somebody else's brain at the time"? Sam: Did you get a good look at her? I mean, what was she like? Sookie: Young, pretty with an apron. Sam: Apron. You mean like a mom? Sookie: More like a waitress. Was there a nametag? Maybe. Sam: Yeah. They sit on the couch. Sam: What did it say? Sookie: I don't know. I was looking at her eyes. She was so surprised. Sam: Well, do you wanna call Bill? I mean, that might make you feel better. Sookie: No. he would've felt how scared I was.he would've known I was in danger. If he didn't show up tonight he's not coming back. Sam: Hey. Sookie: You hear from Tara? Sam: No. Sookie: Well, good night. Sam: Night. She leaves. He charges the shotgun. Scene 3: On the road of the accident - Kenya, Tara Kenya: A woman. At 2 in the morning. Tara: Standing there naked, f****** with my head. Kenya: And she was with a pig? Tara: A big pig. Like, you, know, like a crazy-ass motherf****** Bunyan pig. Kenya: Tara, tell me the truth. Tara: That is the truth. Kenya, I'm an excellent driver but you can't prepare a naked lady and a hog in the middle of the road. Now, you know that. Kenya: I know you drunk, that's what I know. Tara: Drunk? I'm not drunk. One beer. Kenya: Coming from Arlene's party with an open bottle. Tara: What bottle? Kenya: The one busted in your car. Tara: That's not my bottle. Kenya: Then you wouldn't mind a sobriety test. Tara: Hell, no. Bring it. Kenya: Step away from the vehicle. Stand with your feet together. Stand with one foot in front holding the other one 6 inches off the ground, parallel to the ground. Tara: Let's try that again. Kenya: What is the matter with you? You know, you turning into Letti Mae. Tara: F*** you. Kenya: I am a sheriff's deputy now. Tara Thronton, don't you go there with me. Tara: Kenya, sister, the only place I wanna go is home. Kenya: Well, sorry, not tonight. Tara: No. It' not fair. It's not my fault. Kenya: I will cuff you. Tara: But the lady and the pig, that was real. Kenya: Yeah. Just watch your intoxicated head, please. Scene 4: Jason's basement - Jason, Amy Jason is in the basement. There are only blood and clothes left from Eddie. Amy arrives. Jason: Jesus f****** Christ. S***. F***. Amy, what did you do? Amy: I did what we had to do. Now, come on, wipe up. Here's a towel. There's more rags. Come on. Jason: Who the f*** are you? Amy: How can you say that to me? You know who I am. You know better than anybody. Jason: I thought I knew. I told you to let him go. Amy: Well, I told you not to talk to him. He was controlling your mind. Jason: B*******. Amy: Yes. Jason: No, not Eddie. He didn't know how to do that yet. He trusted me. It was gonna be all right. Amy: God, it was never gonna be all right. From the minute we took him you knew it'd end like this. You just couldn't face it. Jason: I didn't think it would f****** end like this. Amy: You wanted his blood, bad. You were with me the whole way, so don't act like this is all my falt. Now, I said to clean up, so clean up. Jason: Yankee b****. Amy: D*** f****** hillbilly. They begin to clean. Jason: God. Jason throws out. Amy goes and seats near him. Amy: Listen. It's okay. It's gonna be all right. We just gotta keep our sh1t together. Jason: We killed a man. Amy: No. Jason: Yeah. Amy: For the last time, he was already dead. He was not a man. He was a predator, only we got him first. So don't do this, okay? Don't let a vampire come between us. Jason: No. I guess not. Amy: Because what we have, Jason, it's beautiful. Jason: Yeah. Yeah. Scene 5: Sookie's kitchen - Sookie, Sam Sookie is reading the Yellow Pages when Sam comes. Sam: Good morning. I didn't know you were up. Sookie: Eggs and sausage, warm in the oven. Sam: Oh, thanks. You already eat? Sookie: Too busy. Tara call? Sam: Not yet. Probably still sleeping it off. Sookie: I'll tell you what, I an sick and tired of waiting around to get strangled. Sam: That's not gonna happen while I'm here. Sookie: You can't spend 24 hours a day with me for the rest of my life. Sam: Sure I can. Sookie: I wanna find that guy before he finds me again. Sam: So you're looking up killers in the yellow pages? Sookie: No. I remembered. In my sleep, I remembered. Sam: What? Sookie: The girl I say. Her clothes, the apron, it was a uniform. She was a waitress and there was a tag. Her name was Cindy. And the restaurant name was something about pies. Party Pies or Patty Pies. Sam: Wait, you mean Big Patty's Pie House? Sookie: Yes. Sam: Well, yeah, I know Big Patty's. it's off I-49, a way south, near Bunkie. Sookie: You don't have to come with me. Sam: Yeah, I do. Come on, eat up, you need your fuel. Sookie: I'm not hungry. Sam: Don't sass me. Sookie: You're not the boss of me. Oh, right, you are. Sam: Yeah. They eat. Scene 6: Jason's kitchen - Jason, Amy Amy: Hey, you. Going to work? Yeah, me too in a second. Look I wanted to say I'm really sorry. He puts the bottle of V in a garbage bag and throws them it on the ground. Jason: We are done with this sh1t, do you hear me? Done. I want every drop out of my house. And if you don't like it, you can pack your goddamn bags and go. He leaves. Amy: Love you. Scene 7: Merlotte's - Lafayette, Terry Tv animator: We caught up with Senator David Finch Speaking to the Marthaville Order of Visionary Southern Gentlemen as he embarks on his campaign for the U.S. House of Representatives. The MOVSG has announced that they are... Lafayette: He has what? He didn't tell me that. He turns up the sound. Senator at the TV: Equal rights for vampires? I don't think so. Many of them are foreign immigrants. Lafayette: What the f***? Senator: Taking our jobs and our women. And their very blood turns our children into addicts, drug dealers and homosexuals. No vampire and none of these vampire-loving deviants deserve any rights at all. Lafayette: You's a lying-ass motherf***. Two-faced son of a b****. Tv: ... managed his family's hardware store. Lafayette to Terry: Did you hear what he just said? Terry: I can't listen to politicians. I get a seizure. Tv animator: Senator Finch will be shaking hands tonight at the Remington Hotel in Monroe. And offering... Lafayette: That's good to know. Terry: Can we put it on my home-d cor program? Amy arrives. Tv animator: Senator Finch has increased the intensity... Terry changes the tv program. Tv: But look. Just by adding shelves. This is just plain plywood... Lafayette (to Amy): Oh, darling, you looking a little used up. Jason dragging you into his bullshit? Amy: I have no idea what you mean. She leaves. Tv: Right inside. Lafayette: Terry? Terry: Yeah. Lafayette: Why is everybody telling me lies today? Terry: I got no idea. Look at that, Lafayette, theme shelves. Lafayette: Oh, that's pretty, baby. Would you work for me tonight? Scene 8: Big Patty's - Sookie, Sam, Harley, Buster Harley (Waitress): No ma'am, no, sir. I don't know any Cindy. But I can recommend the fried apple pie, the froze Hawaiian pie, the chocolate pecan praline pie, the chess pie, the seven-layer Jell-O pie. A client: They'll have the peanut butter pie and the Spunky Hollow honey pineapple pie. Please, Harley. Harley: Gotcha, Buster. Sam: We will? Buster: You won't get nothing from her. She's only been here two weeks. Comes from three generations of dumb as rocks. Hell, they named her after a motorcycle. Sookie: That's real interesting, but... Buster: If you wanna know anything about Cindy Marshall, I'll talk to you. And I'll eat that pie too. Buster Boisseau. Sookie: Sookie Stackhouse, Sam Merlotte. Hartley brings the pies and Sam and Sookie seat at the bar. Sam: Yeah. Can you tell us...? Buster: First thing first. (He eats) Sookie: You knew Cindy? Buster: A little bit. Let's see, I met her two years ago. She moved into town with her brother a couple of months before... Sam: Before what? Buster: Well, I hate to be the one to tell you, but somebody murdered that little gal. Just choked the life right out of her. Sookie: Poor thing. Did they find out who did it? Buster: Nope. It's a mystery. Sookie: Where's her brother? Could we talk to him? Buster: Don't know how. He was gone by the time they found her body. The police thought maybe he's dead too or maybe he killed her. But there wasn't no evidence one way or the other. Sam: What was his name? Buster: Let me think on that. Nobody hardly knew him. Let's see, D something. Dave. Drew. No, Drew. Drew Marshall. Sookie: What was Cindy like? Buster: Oh, cute as a button, a little wild, fun-loving, always nice to me. But people talked, you know. Sookie: Talked about what? Buster: Vampires. They say she was carrying on with the vampires. I didn't believe her. I mean, what kind of woman would do such a thing? Harley, this is the Texas Special Sawdust pie. Nobody ordered that. Sam (to Sookie): Well, it's not much. Sookie: We got a name. Scene 9: The police station - Tara, Kenya Tara talks to her mom on the phone and Kenya is looking at her. Tara: Mama, please don't cry. It was only a little accident and I didn't get hurt much. Well, no, I wasn't drunk, but they think I was. Mama, quit yelling. All I need is bail money and a ride home. There's no reason to cry. Scene 10: On the road - Jason, Rene, Hoyt Jason: What do you mean, no? Y'all pussies? Let's go pound some beers. Hoyt: Can't. Mama's night blind and I gotta take her to a baby shower in Shreveport. Jason: Night blind, my a**. She's got these apron strings wrapped around your throat, boy. Cut her loose. Come party with the menfolk. Hoyt: I wanna go, Jay. Rene: What you gonna do at a little baby shower? Hoyt: The food's good, the games are fun. You know, like Pass the Orange? And if the ladies start screaming like they always do, I'll just go for a little walk. Jason: Well, that's just plain sad. (To Rene) It's you and me, brother. We'll play some pool, I'll buy you a po'boy. Rene: Sorry. Me and Arlene, we got a date to dance. Jason: Well, I'll come with you. Rene: You won't. It's a date, I said. Me and my woman. Jason: All right, fine. F*** it. I'll party on my own. Hoyt: What do you want with us when you got Amy? God, she's good-looking. Jason: Well, I'm gonna tell you something, but you can't say nothing to nobody. You got that? Amy likes V. Hoyt: Vampire blood? No, I don't believe that. Rene: It's not a joke? Jason: Nope. Hoyt: Then you gotta help her stop. That's it. Set her straight. Jason: I'm trying, you know, but she's hooked or something. There's only so much I can do. Hoyt: She sleeps with vampires too? Jason: She says she never did. But these days, it's hard to find a woman who ain't been bit. Hoyt: Do you love her? Jason: Yeah, but I don't like this V s***. We had a terrible fight. She might be gone already, and if she's not, maybe I ought to dump her. Hoyt: Man, don't do that. She's the kind that you keep. Rene: Look you didn't even try to work it out yet. So tomorrow night, we go out, get drunk, pass a good time. We'll figure out what to do. Jason: Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks. Rene: Okay. Hoyt: Hang in there, bro. Jason: All right. Rene: Okay. These things, they got a way of working out, you know? Jason: I hope you're right. Hoyt: All right. Night. Jason: Night. Rene and Hoyt leave. Scene 11: Police station of Bunkie - Sam, Sookie, police officer Sam: Hello? Police officer: Hold your horses. Officer thoughts: Can't call it adultery if a wife won't have s*x. At least Debbie's a Christian. Sookie (to Sam): Give him a second. He doesn't think so quick. Sam: Hello? Officer: Yeah. Sookie: Hello, officer. Sir. I'm sorry to bother you. Officer: No bother. No bother at all. I was just... Police radio, voice: Tom's coming up to that T.C. on Terra Ridge, about 5 miles out. Officer: Are those vampires bites? Sam: With all due respect, sir, that's none of your business. Sookie: Sir, we're looking for information. Officer: Yeah, well, that's what the library's for. Sam: It's about Cindy Marshall's murder. Officer: What about it? Sam: Well, there have been murders like hers in Renard Parish. Bon Temps, to be exact. Hadn't you heard? Officer: Can't say. Sookie: She had a brother, Drew, I was told. Officer: Could be. Sookie: Do you have a picture of him? Officer: What for? We don't know he did it. More likely a vampire. Sookie: I don't mean to tell you your business but a vampire wouldn't kill by strangulation. Officer: Well, I guess you'd know. Good riddance to white trash is all I got to say. Sam: Buddy, you're out of line. Sookie: He can say whatever he wants. It doesn't bother me a bit. Just hand me a picture of Drew Marshall and I'll go away quiet. Officer: Well, that file's in storage. It's gonna take a while to get it, probably months. Sam: Come on, Sookie, he's not gonna do s*** for us. Sookie: Oh, I think he will. All right, then, we'll go to the library and I'll get your home address. Shouldn't be too hard to track down your wife. Officer: My wife? Sookie: So I can tell her you're sleeping with Debbie. Sam: Yeah, Debbie. Sookie: From church? Officer: You... how did...? Sookie: And the Vampire League of America will surely wanna know about your attitude. Officer: Now, now, hold on a minute now. Hold on now. I can't just give you the photo. What I might do is fax it on down to the sheriff in Bon Temps. Sam: Fast. Officer: Yeah. Do my best. Sookie: That's all we ask. Thank you so much for your cooperation. Scene 12: Remington Hotel - Lafayette, Senator Finch, Lurlene The senator shakes hands. Senator: My pleasure. A woman: Lurlene Butterman. You know, I cannot wait to vote for you. Senator: Well, bless your heart, Lurlene. And you know, I cannot wait to represent your views in Congress. Thanks for coming by. Lurlene: I would like to say... Lafayette: Move ahead, young woman. The senator got many admirers. Senator: Hello. Lafayette: Hello. I am so happy and proud to shake the hand of someone with your values. Too often we're governed by criminals and hypocrites, don't you agree? But I can tell you're a man of virtues. And I applaud the effort you're making against the poor and disenfranchised especially the vampires and the gays. Senator: Thank you. Next. Lafayette: So many things can happen to bring down a fine personage such as yourself. You might wanna be careful, you hear? Senator: Yes. Man: Look at the camera. Senator: No. The man takes a picture of the senator and Lafayette then Lafayette leaves. Senator: Thanks for coming by. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 13: Jason's - Jason, Amy Jason arrives home and the table is set for two persons. Amy: Did you have to work late? It doesn't matter. I just... Jason: No. Amy: No? Jason: I didn't wanna come home. Amy: Okay. Jason: I was afraid you might have left. Amy: No. No, this is where I wanna be. I wanna be with you. Jason: But you can't stay if... Amy: I did what you said. It was all my fault, Jason. I'm so, so sorry. Jason: Did you make dinner for me? Amy: I'd do anything for you. Jason: Come here. They hug. Amy: I'll make it right. Scene 14: In the woods - Bill, Jessica Bill waits, seated to Jessica to come out from down the ground. Jessica: Help me. She screams. Scene 15: In the car, on the way back to Bon Temps - Sam, Sookie Sookie: Why's the say home always longer than the way there? Sam: Now that'd be philosophy and I'm a simple guy. Sookie: What a load of horse pucky. Simple is one thing that you are not. Sam: I disagree. I may be a shape-shifter but I want what every man wants. You know? A good life, a good woman. Sookie: Do you love Tara? Sam: You know, I like her a lot and I care about her, for sure. I've been trying to love her, but she doesn't make it easy. Sookie: Well, she can't help it. When you've never had much love... Sam: Oh, I know. I know. Believe me, I know. But it's... it's not working. You know, we're friends, is all. I mean, I'm not so easy to love either. Sookie: You're wrong. Sam: I am? Do you love Bill? Sookie: I think I do. But where is he? If vampire politics are more important to him than me... I don't know. I'm so mad at him, I could spit. Sam: I can see where you would be. Sookie: I'm sorry you're having do drive so far. Sam: I don't mind. I love to ride in the car. Sookie: Of course you do. Go on, hang your head out the window if you feel like it. Sam: Okay, I appreciate that but it's a private pleasure. Sookie: One day when all this is over, I'm gonna save up. We'll rent a convertible, we'll take it to the gulf. Lie on the beach, bake in the sun. Sam: It's a date. Sookie: Do you know any car songs? Scene 16: Jason's - Jason, Amy Jason: Damn, woman. Where'd you learn to cook like that? Amy: From the maid. She was French. Hey, if I show you something you have to promise that you're not gonna get mad. Jason: I'm never gonna get mad at you again, never ever. Amy: Promise? Jason: Yeah, I promise. She shows him a vial of V. Amy: I saved one drop. Jason: Motherf*****! Amy: Babe, please don't flip. They go in their bedroom. Amy: We both know that we're for real. We're gonna have a life together. Jason: So, what are you doing with that? You're killing me. I can't trust you for a second. Amy: You can trust me totally, for always, I swear. It's just that I want symmetry. Jason: Now, what the f*** is that? Amy: Balance, harmony, beauty. Jason: Oh, for crying out loud. Amy: Baby, this vial is our past. We started with V so we should end it with V. Like just closing a circle. So we can start a new circle, our new life together. I'm through with the blood. It's only a symbol. But the circle, I mean, that's what's important to me. Never mind. I'm gonna go by myself. Jason: Well, I'm not gonna let you do that. But this is the last f****** time. Amy: Last time. Cheers to our future, baby. She drinks the V and they kiss. Scene 17: In the woods - Jessica, Bill Bill: You drank from me. Your blood was replaced with mine and then I shared my essence with you when we slept together in the ground. No, no, no, not intercourse. Jessica: You just said "intercourse". Bill: It's tradition, it's part of the process. It's magical. Even we don't fully understand how it works. Jessica: Well all I know is, staying out all night like this, my daddy's gonna whup you good. Mister, you better get me home right now. Bill: Jessica, stop. Jessica: No. Bill: Stop. Jessica: Hey. Why? Bill: Because we need to talk. Jessica: Why? Bill: There are things you must learn. Jessica: Why? Bill: Because you're no longer human. Jessica: Why? Bill: As I've been trying to explain to you at length, you have been made vampire. Jessica: Why? Bill: Because you were unlucky. Because life and death are unfair. Because of me. You cannot go home. That part of your life is over. Jessica: No more Mama and Daddy? No more little sister? Bill: I'm sorry. No. Jessica: No more belts. No more clarinets. No more home school. No more rules. I'm a vampire. Waw. Bill: No, no, no. There are rules. That's what I've been trying to teach you. Jessica: Crap your rules. Crap, crap, crap. I can say anything I want now. S***, s***, s***, d***, hell, f***. Of, "f***", that's a bad one. F***, f***, f***. Oh, what's another cussword so I can say it? I'm an d*** vampire. Bill: If you calm down, I will teach you what being a vampire means. Jessica: I'm not stupid, I can read. I know what it means. Bill: Very well, then, why don't you tell me? Jessica: It means that I don't have to sit like a lady and I can kill anybody I want. And there's an awful lot of people I'd like to kill. Bill: No, Jessica, you absolutely cannot kill anybody you want. Jessica: But why? Why? I wanna kill them. Bill: With your new powers come new responsibilities. You are gonna mainstream, like I do. You can live almost exactly the same life as you did before except you'll always be awake at night. Jessica: I wanna kill people. And I'm so hungry. And all you do is talk and I'm starving and you're so mean. You're supposed to take care of me, that's what you said. You suck! That's funny because you do suck. Bill: Here, drink this. It might make you feel more steady. I hope. She takes the Tru Blood he gives her. Jessica: Oh, it tastes like s***. Why are you doing this to me? Bill: It's not bad. You'll get used to it. Try a little more. Jessica: F***, no, and you can't force me. I'' report you. Bill: Oh, really. To whom? Jessica: I'll find a real vampire and he'll kick your ass. You won't let me do anything and I'm so hungry. You are the worst maker ever. She cries. Scene 18: At the police station - Tara, Kenya, Letti Mae Tara is in jail. Kenya: Tara, visitor. Letti Mae enters. Tara (happy): Mama. Letti Mae: Oh, child. Kenya: You're looking good, Letti Mae. Whatever you're doing, keep it up. Letti Mae: Thank you, Kenya. That's sweet. Could you leave us alone for a minute? Kenya: Oh, yes, ma'am. Tara: What are you saying? (To Kenya who's closing the door) Hey. Hey. Hey, get back here and let me out. Who the f*** does she think she is? (To her mom) What took you so long? Letti Mae: I called Mabel from the church and she came over to pray with me. Tara: Pray? While I'm locked up waiting? That is bulls***. Y'all can pray after you post my bail. Letti Mae: Honey, I'm not here to bail you out. Tara: Mama, I'm tired. I hurt all over. I wanna go home. Don't play with me. Letti Mae: I'm not playing. Tara: Yes, you are. You gotta be. Letti Mae: Seeing you like this, it breaks my heart. How many nights have I spent in this place? Crazy liquor, lost to myself and the Lord. Tara: Not many, because I bailed you out. Letti Mae: Well... maybe you shouldn't have. Tara: What the f*** are you talking about? Letti Mae: You can't go home. I'm not gonna let you. You're changing right in front of my eyes and I'm scared for both of us. Tara: I don't believe this. Letti Mae: I am committed to salvation and you're on the road to hell. I would save you if I could, baby. Nobody loves you more. But you're a danger to my soul and I can't have you in my house. Tara: I'm the only reason you have a house. After all the times I cleaned you up. All the times you beat me and stole my money. Then sent me to school. Dirty. In dirty clothes. So people laughed at me and called me names. My whole life is s*** because of you. Letti Mae: I know. I know. Don't tear me up like this. I feel so bad. Tara: The first time I'm in trouble you turn your back on the one person who's always stood by you. And you call yourself a Christian. Letti Mae: I'm finally doing right by you, Tara, like a mother should. You'll see that when the clouds roll away. Tara: F*** you. You're not my mother. Get out of my sight, you evil b****. Letti Mae: I love you. Tara: No, you don't. you never did. Scene 19: Jason's - Jason, Amy, the killer. Jason and Amy are under V. they wake up (in their dream) and it's raining. They go outside and run. Someone comes in Jason's house. They continue running. The killer in is their room. Jason and Amy are sleeping, holding hands. In their dream, they kiss. The killer strangles Amy and she's flying away from Jason, in the air. Jason wakes up. Jason: Baby. Earthquake. Hey. Did you feel...? No. No. No. Please. Please, no. (He calls the 911) Person at the phone: 911. What's your emergency? Jason: Yeah. This is Jason Stackhouse. Person: Oh, hey, Jason. It's Rosie. Jason: You all better come out here. Scene 20: Eric's office - Eric, Bill, Jessica Eric: This is your punishment, not mine. What am I supposed to do with her? Jessica: Excuse me. I can hear you, Mr. Rude. I wanna go to the bar. I wanna be one of those dancers. Oh, I'm hungry. Bill: She won't listen to me. It'll take more time than I have to teach her obedience. Jessica: I don't obey anybody. Those days are over. Eric: You can't handle one little girl, Bill? Newborns can be like this. Man up, my friend. She's not even one night old. Bill: That is not the issue. Eric (to Jessica): Want to stay with your maker, don't you? Jessica: No, he's a d***. D***, d***, d***. You're cute. Can I sit in your lap? Eric: No. Jessica: Why? Nobody lets me have any fun. F******. Eric: Sit down and shut up. Close the door. (to Bill) You have to be tough with them or they'll walk all over you. Bill: I am well aware of that, but you can see how she is. And there are urgent matters to which I must attend. Eric: Sookie Stackhouse? Haven't you done enough for her? Bill: If any harm were to come to her because of my absence, you would be... Eric: What? Bill: ... without her helpful skills. Jessica: Let me out. I wanna do something bad. Bill: I would be in your debt. I would return the favor. Eric: Oh, yes, you will. You most definitely will. (To Jessica) Jessica. Jessica: You don't have to yell at me. Eric: How would you like to learn how a real vampire feeds? Jessica: Oh, yes, sir. Please, sir. Eric (to Bill): See? It's really quite easy. Scene 21: Police station - Tara, Kenya, Woman (Maryann) Kenya: Tara, wake up. This lady paid your bail. You're free to go. Straighten up. I don't wanna see you back in here again. (To the lady) My shift's over in five minutes. There's papers to sign on the way out. You know the drill. Lady: Thank you, Kenya. Kenya leaves. Tara: Who are you? Why'd you pay my bail? Lady: My name's Maryann. Forrester. And I'd like to help you, if you'll let me. Tara: What are you, some kind of social worker? Lady: Yeah, that's about right. Kenya knows me. I'm in and out of her all the time with people in your position. Tara: My position. Maryann: DUIs, minor assaults, public drunkenness. You know, those times when things go just a little too far. It can happen to anyone. Now, I expect you have your reasons? Tara: Yeah. I got reasons. Maryann: Well, I would be very happy to give you a ride home. Tara: No, thanks. Maryann: Well, they gave me your address. You can't walk there, it's too far. Tara: I can... I got kicked out. Maryann: You don't have anywhere to go? No family? No friends? Tara: I don't want them to see me like this. It's okay. I'll think of something. Maryann: Tara... I'm sure you've barely slept or eaten. Why don't you come to my home? Just till you get tings figured out. Tara: I don't know, I... Maryann: Oh, no, no, there's plenty of room. I do this all the time. It's sort of an informal halfway house. Tara: Doesn't seem right. Maryann: I know what you mean. But you can shower, you can wash your clothes. You can let me feed you. Then you can go on your way and my conscience will be clear. Tara: You're not a Jesus person, are you? Maryann: No. No. Nothing against religion but not a Jesus person. Okay. Well here's my card, in case you change your mind. (she gives her a card) Good luck, Tara. Tara: Wait. Scene 22: Outside the police station - Maryann, Tara, Andy Tara (seeing Maryann's car): Holy s***. What the hell kind of social worker are you? Maryann: Actually, it was a gift. Go on, climb in. what's the matter? Tara: I'm all dirty. Maryann: Oh, don't worry about that. I get dirty too. Andy: Get that car out of here. This is an official vehicle zone. Read the f****** sign. Maryann: Detective Bellefleur, is it? Andy: Move the car. Jesus Christ, you deaf? I'm surrounded by a******* and m*****. Maryann and Tara leave. Andy gets Jason out of his car. Scene 23: Sookie's house - Sookie, Sam, Bill Sam and Sookie are watching at the tv. Sookie: It sounds strange under the circumstances, but I had a good time today. Sam: It's the company. Sookie: Must be. Sam: I mean, that says something for us. We can enjoy ourselves even when we're trying to find a murderer. Sookie: You are fun. It's one of the reasons I'm still working for you. Sam: Yeah? Sookie: It's not the tips or the high-class clientele. Sam: You know what? It was probably the best day of my life when you walked in looking for a job. Sookie: Quit. Sam: No, I mean it. Sookie: I know you do. Sam: Are you looking in my head? Sookie: I'm looking in your heart. They kiss. Bill enters, furious. He jumps on Sam. Sookie: Stop. They continue to fight, Bill tries to strangle Sam. Sookie: No! Bill! Stop fighting, you s***** men! Bill: He had his hands all over you. Sam: She's not your property. Sookie: Sam, I can speak for myself. (To Bill) You left me alone with no promise to come back. Then you attack the man helping keep me safe. How dare you? Bill: He's helping because I asked him to. Sookie: Get out. Bill: If you knew what I had done to return to you... Sookie: I rescind your invitation. Bill: Sookie, don't. Please. Sookie. Please. He goes out and she closes the door. Sam: Can't you see what he's really like? How can you think about being with him. Sookie: My living room's wrecked. I've got a killer, a vampire and a shape-shifter on my plate. Right about now, I'm not thinking about being with anybody. Scene 24: Maryann's house - Maryann, Tara Maryann and Tara arrive at Maryann's house. Tara: This is where you live? F*** me. Maryann: Come on in, Tara. Make yourself at home. Tara: If you insist. Maryann: I insist. Come on. They enter. Scene 25: At the police station - Jason, Bud, Andy Andy: I knew it was you. I knew it from the second we found Maudette. People said, "No, not Jason Stackhouse, he's too dumb." But I knew. I said, "That shifty b*st*rd's a goddamn psychopath." Jason: I ain't arguing with you, Andy. Andy: Detective. Bud: Tell us all about it, son. Andy: I'll tell you all about it. I'll tell you exactly what happened. This piece of s*** lured those poor girls onto his king-sized bed and dirty sheets to f*** them and kill them. Bud: Andy, he called us. Let the boy confess. Go ahead, Jason. How'd it happen? Jason: I don't know. Andy: Oh, don't even try that on. Bud, give me five minutes alone with him. I'll get you every detail. Bud: What do you mean, you don't know? Jason: I don't remember what I done. To any of them. But they keep dying all around me so I gotta be the guy, right? Bud: Let's take them one at a time. Andy: Yeah, let's start with Amy Burley. That ought to be fresh in your so-called mind. Jason: I took V. Not with the others, just with her. We both did. Bud: V? Jason, Jason. Andy: I knew it. Jason: When I woke up, Amy was... well, like she was. Andy: "Dead" is the word you're looking for. Stone-cold dead. Jason: We were alone in the house. God, I must have done it. But I don't know why. Honest to God, I loved her. Andy: Bulls***. You hated Maudette. You hated Dawn. Jason: I didn't hate them. I mean, we had some pretty good times. It was f****** and fighting, like any girl. I just... I just don't understand what would have made me do it. Andy: Your grandmother knew what you were like. She guessed, she called you out. You grabbed a knife. Jason: No, I didn't kill Gran and you know it. You better damn well find who did. Andy: This is the worst confession I ever heard in my life. Jason: F*** you, Andy. That's all I got. Look I don't wanna hurt nobody else. Lock me up. For chrissake, lock me up. Andy: Not before we get some solid facts. We'll waterboard you if that's what it takes. Bud: Andy. Andy: What? Bud: Lock him up. Andy: Come on, now. About time you found the law. The receptionist receives a fax with the photo of Drew Marshall. Receptionist at the phone: Hey, you. Wake up. I know it's early, but I gotta tell you... Wait. Somebody's coming. Andy brings Jason in jail. Receptionist: Girl, guess what? Jason Stackhouse is the murderer. Yes, I swear. He's looking all crazy in a hot way, you know him. But they're throwing him in a cell right now. We are so lucky he didn't kill us. She puts a file on the fax.

As part of the vampire ritual, Bill buries Jessica's body in the ground, waiting for her to turn. After being attacked at Merlotte's, Sookie once again has Sam stay with her for protection and the two start growing much closer in Bill's absence. Jason helps Amy clean up the mess Eddie's death left behind and demands that she get rid of every drop of V-juice in the house. The next morning, Sookie searches for the young woman she saw in her vision. With Sam's help, Sookie tracks the woman (named Cindy) down to a pie store. They learn from one of the patrons that Cindy was a fangbanger and that her brother, Drew Marshall, disappeared shortly after her death under suspicious circumstances. Jason confides in Rene and Hoyt about Amy's V-juice habit. Sam and Sookie persuade a difficult police officer to give them information on Drew Marshall, and he promises to fax a photo through to the Bon Temps police station. After seeing his state senator friend on television campaigning against vampire and homosexual rights, Lafayette confronts him about his lies. Amy cooks Jason a nice meal and the two make up. On the way home, Sookie confides in Sam that she thinks she is in love with Bill, but expresses doubt over his loyalties to his fellow vampires. Jason and Amy decide to do V together one last time and while they are passed out, the killer sneaks into their bedroom and strangles Amy to death. Meanwhile, Jessica awakens and crawls out of the ground. Bill tries to impart his wisdom about being vampire, but she turns out to be a disobedient, overly-excited pain in the neck. Lettie Mae refuses to bail Tara out of prison because she is a danger to her soul. They leave on bad terms. Jason wakes up to find Amy dead and calls the police. Bill, needing to get back to Sookie, leaves Jessica with Eric. Tara is bailed out of prison by a woman named Maryann Forrester, who takes Tara into her lavish home. At Sookie's house, Sookie and Sam wind up sharing a kiss just as Bill walks in and attacks Sam. Seeing Bill's vicious side, Sookie rescinds his invitation into her house and slams the door on him. Jason is taken into police custody, saying he doesn't want anyone else to get hurt. A gossipy and distracted secretary is on the phone, and doesn't notice the fax of Drew Marshall's photo before burying it under a pile of paperwork, not before revealing the photo to the audience who discover that Rene is the killer.

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Scene: The university cafeteria. Howard is on the phone. Howard: Ma, Ma, calm down. Listen to me. I know it says click with the mouse, but on a laptop, the trackpad is the mouse. Now, put your finger on it. Doesn't matter which finger. Good choice. Now move it down to your e-mail icon. Yeah, the little envelope. What do you mean, what does it look like? It looks like an envelope! Fine, you don't like the computer, don't use it! Sure, we can exchange it for a salad spinner. Good-bye! Raj: That's a Hanukkah present you're regretting, huh? Sheldon: I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder. Leonard: I had a great idea. You know how we're always having to stop and solve differential equations, like when you're doing Fourier analysis, or using the Schrodinger equation? Sheldon: Howard doesn't. He's only an engineer. Leonard: I was thinking, we could write a little app that would use handwriting recognition, and then run it through a symbolic evaluation engine. You just use your smartphone, take a picture of the equation and bam! Raj: You know what's a great app? The one that makes fart noises. Sheldon: You know, Leonard, that's actually a valid idea. Very good. Leonard: Can you say that and not make it sound like I'm a cat who learned how to use the toilet? Sheldon: No. The two achievements are equally surprising and equally admirable, though if pressed, I'd have to give a slight edge to the cat. I'll save you the pain and nervousness of waiting for the answer. I agree to be part of your project. Congratulations. Leonard: Oh, yay for me. What about you guys? I can't promise anything, but people do make money off stuff like this. Howard: A few extra bucks would be nice. I could finally move out of my mother's house. Raj: Where would you go? Howard: I always dreamed about building a little place of my own over the garage. Raj: You know, if I made more money, I could take time off from work and give pretty girls submarine rides. Howard: What's that? Some weird s*x thing? Raj: No. You take pretty girls underwater in your private submarine, and you show them fish. Why does everything have to be dirty with you? Leonard: I was thinking we could work on this at night, and then maybe in a couple of weeks, we'll have ourselves an app to sell. Howard: Sounds like we're in business. Raj: I think we should take a picture to capture this moment. Leonard: Yeah. Sheldon: Oh! Raj (pressing button on camera phone. Camera makes a fart noise): Was that the best 99 cents I ever spent, or what? Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: I checked the App Store. No one is doing handwriting-recognition differential equation solving. Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, shush. Leonard: What? Sheldon: You have so few good ideas, Leonard. And you're just going to spill the beans in front of an outsider? Penny: Who, me? Howard: Sheldon, I don't think Penny cares about handwriting-recognition based differential... Sheldon (singing): The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas. Leonard: She's not going to steal our idea. Penny: What idea? Leonard: We're gonna write an application... Sheldon (singing): The prairie sky is wide and high, deep in the heart... Penny: Okay, stop, stop! Sheldon: Of Texas. Penny: Whatever your secret is, I'm sure it's boring, so I'm not interested. Leonard: It's not boring at all. You see, in higher order mathematics, there are certain sets of equations that... Penny: Bored. Leonard: Satisfied? Sheldon: Hardly. Consider this unlikely but very plausible scenario. A young woman alone in the big city. Her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her. Penny: Hey, wait a minute. Howard: Well, hang on. Let's see where he's going. Sheldon: Then it hits her. How is she going to survive? I mean, she has no prospects, no marketable skills. And then one day, she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard. Howard: Hey, I... Penny: Hang on. Let's see where he's going. Sheldon: She befriends them, and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea, which she steals and sells to the highest bidder. Leonard: That is ridiculous. Sheldon: Oh, is it? Well let's see you come up with an explanation as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time. Penny: Oh, great. You know what? I've already mooched dinner off you guys. I don't need to listen to this. Howard: There's your answer, free food. Sheldon: All right, I've taken the liberty of drafting these workflow charts which outline our various duties and the path we will follow as we develop our ground-breaking new app. Raj: Hey, why am I in charge of phone support? Seems a bit racist. Sheldon: A customer service representative with an Indian accent will create the impression we're a vast enterprise that uses overseas call centres. Raj: Oh. Very clever. But still racist. Sheldon: Duly noted, Steve from Wichita. Howard: Why am I listed as your executive assistant? Sheldon: Because the word secretary has fallen into disrepute. FYI, my mother's birthday is coming up. I'm going to need you to pick up a present. Leonard: Okay, we need to stop for a minute. Sheldon: Leonard, please, we can talk during our break. We have one coming up at midnight. We'll need snacks. Leonard: Sheldon, you're not in charge. It's my idea. I'm in charge. Sheldon: Oh, of course you are. Look at the organizational chart. You're clearly listed as founder. Leonard: Well, yes, and you're listed as Chief Executive Officer, Chief Financial Officer and Chief Operating Officer. Sheldon: You missed Chief Science Officer, Chairman of the Board, and Head of the Secret Santa Committee. Leonard: Okay. You need to get clear on this right now. I am in charge of this project. Raj: Ooh. Leonard's going all alpha nerd on Sheldon's ass. Sheldon: All right. All right, I'm not going to argue with you. Sheldon Cooper is nothing if not a team player. Dr. Hofstadter, you have the conn. Leonard: Thank you. I thought we might start by talking about the user interface. Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, we're doomed. Scene: Later. Leonard: So this button here will allow you to scan a new equation, but over here, you can press this, and just substitute new values for the coefficients. Sheldon: Good one, boss. Leonard: What? Sheldon: This diagram. I assume you were opening with a joke. It certainly buoyed up this employee's esprit de corps. Leonard: It's not a joke. It's the real design. Sheldon: In that case, may I offer 27 little tweaks to make it slightly less embarrassing? Leonard: Sheldon, I think this will work. Let's just try it my way. Sheldon: Oh, I'm, I'm sorry. I assumed that you wanted candid truth-telling from your employees, but I realize now, you want the mindless nattering of complacent yes-men. Leonard: Are you done? Sheldon: If you say so, boss. Scene: Later still. Howard: So right now, this button-press event is just triggering a dummy procedure call... Sheldon: How about this for the app name? The Surprisingly Helpful Equation-Linked Differential Optimized Numerator. Raj: So it spells Sheldon? Sheldon: Does it? A happy accident. Leonard: We're not doing names now. Howard? Howard: Like I was saying, right now it's just a dummy procedure, but eventually, it will drop us into... Sheldon: All right, fine. If we're not going to give it a name, can we at least give it a secret code designation? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Well, but hear me out. The atomic bomb was The Manhattan Project. Windows 95 was originally Project Chicago. For our app, I would humbly suggest Project Nodlehs. Leonard: That's just Sheldon backwards. Sheldon: Another happy accident. Leonard: We're not wasting time with names right now. Sheldon: I see. Is that decision open for discussion? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Is the decision to not discuss it open for discussion? Leonard: No. Howard: Again, right now it's just a dummy procedure, but eventually, it will drop us into... Sheldon: I call for a vote of no confidence and an immediate change in leadership. Leonard: Oh Sheldon, stop it. Sheldon: When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to dissolve the bonds that tie three competent scientists together... Leonard: That's enough, Sheldon. Sheldon: All right, let's get right to the vote. Show of hands all those opposed to Leonard and his reign of tyranny. Leonard: Okay, that's it, you're fired. Sheldon: Really? Why? Leonard: Because you're impossible to work with. Sheldon: I see. And is that open for discussion? Scene: The following morning. Leonard: What are you doing? Sheldon: Oh. Good morning, shoemaker. I think you'll be pleased with what the elves were up to last night. Leonard: But I fired you. Sheldon: Oh, I know. I'm now an independent contractor. Leonard: No, you are now nothing. You have no connection to this project whatsoever. Sheldon: But I made it better. Leonard: I don't want it better. I want it my way. Sheldon: Well, that speaks volumes, doesn't it? All right, I suppose I'll go put on my bus pants. Leonard: What the hell are bus pants? Sheldon: They are pants one wears over one's regular pants when one sits on bus seats that other people have previously sat on. But perhaps from your lofty heights atop the corporate ladder, you've lost touch with the struggles of the common man. Leonard: Look, I'm still happy to drive you to work. Nothing's changed in that regard. We're still roommates, we're still friends. Sheldon: Except you identified me, your best friend, as a gangrenous limb that needed to be severed from the organism and tossed away. The desperate act of a little man with a big Napoleon complex. Leonard: You know what? Go put on your bus pants. Scene: The cafeteria. Raj: Mm. Last night, I had a dream we got so rich from the app, you and I bought matching side-by-side mansions. But there was a secret tunnel connecting your front yard to my back yard. What do you think that means? Howard: It means after we play handball, I'm showering at home. Sheldon: Good morning, Friend Howard. Friend Raj. I see you gentlemen are enjoying beverages. Perhaps they would taste better out of these. Raj: World's Greatest Astrophysicist? Sheldon: Don't thank me. You earned it. Howard: Howard Wolowitz. Why not World's Greatest Engineer? Sheldon: I'm sorry. I typed that into the label maker, but I just couldn't press enter. Now down to business. What would it take for you to abandon Leonard and join me in a rival company? Unless, of course, the mugs are sufficient, in which case, welcome aboard. Howard: We're not quitting on Leonard. Sheldon: I understand. And your loyalty is admirable. But what if I were to up the ante? Raj: What are you talking about? Sheldon: Monogrammed key chains with a built-in laser pointer. No? How about can cosies emblazoned with our university mascot? Go, Beavers. I'll be back. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Howard: Okay, let's try this one. Spherical Hankel function. Leonard: Hold on. That's it! Howard: Eureka! Raj: Hey, we agreed when it was Eureka time, we were all gonna say it together. Howard: Fine. Let's say it together. Raj: No. The moment has passed. Sheldon: Greetings, gentlemen. How goes your little project? Raj: You mean, Project Lenwoloppali? Sheldon: Ah, a combination of all your names. Very clever. I assume Koothranardowitz was taken? Leonard: We're actually scanning equations and getting good results. Sheldon: Oh, well then, by all means, carry on. I wouldn't want to impede your progress. Leonard: Howard, did you solve the install time problem yet? Howard: No. It's a little tricky. I'm gonna try having it pick up the libraries dynam... Leonard: What are you doing?! Sheldon: Playing the theremin. Leonard: No. I mean, what are you doing with a theremin? Sheldon: Playing it. I've loved the theremin from the first moment I heard the original Star Trek theme. And it's been killing me that it just sits in my closet, gathering dust. Leonard: Sheldon! We're working here! Sheldon: That's all right. I can barely hear you over my theremin. (Leonard pulls out plug) Well, that was a little uncalled for. Leonard: No, that was completely called for. We need quiet. Sheldon: So, your project is more important than mine? Leonard: Well, seeing as your project is to sabotage my project, yes. Sheldon: Don't beat around the bush, Leonard. If you don't want me here, just say the word, and I'll leave. Scene: The hallway. Sheldon: Could have beaten around the bush a little. Scene: The lobby. Sheldon is playing his theramin. Sheldon (singing): Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows my sorrow-ow-ow-ow. Penny: What you doing? Trying to contact your home planet? Sheldon: I'm practicing my theremin. Penny: Oh. Sheldon (singing): Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Glory, hallelujah. Penny: Something got you down, there, Sheldon? Sheldon: Leonard kicked me out of my own apartment. And his app team. Penny: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Sheldon: He wouldn't drive me to work today. I had to wear my bus pants. Penny: Is that so? Sheldon: Yes. And they're still sticky. Penny: Aw. Sheldon: Probably going to have to throw them away. Penny: Hey, you don't need Leonard and his app. You can make one with me. Sheldon: With you? Penny: Seriously, I have a great idea for one. Sheldon: Is it better than your idea to move to Los Angeles and become a famous actress? Penny: Okay, look, when you see someone wearing shoes you like, you just snap a picture of them, and the app goes on the Internet to find out where you can buy them. Sheldon: That's your app idea? Penny: Well, you don't like it? Sheldon: I didn't say that. But no, I don't. Penny: Why not? Sheldon: Oh, Penny, where do I begin? The simple-mindedness of your idea is exceeded only by its crass consumerism and banality. Penny: And Leonard didn't want to work with you? Imagine that. Sheldon: I know, it's baffling. (Singing) Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Penny: Sheldon, I'm gonna make some cocoa. Do you want some? Sheldon: Do you make it with milk or water? Penny: Milk. Sheldon: Real cocoa? Penny: That's what it says on the packet. Sheldon: Do you have those little marshmallows? Penny: No, sorry. Sheldon: Well, I suppose it's appropriate. Penny: What does that mean? Sheldon: A disappointing drink for a disappointing day. Scene: The apartment. Raj: Hey, look at this. 20 people from the university have already signed up for our private beta. Leonard: I'm telling you, the Lenwoloppali Differential Equation Scanner meets a real need. We've got a hit. Raj: What do you think we should sell it for? Howard: Well, based on the fact that our potential market is about 70 or 80 guys, and you want a submarine, I'd say about a million dollars a pop. Raj: Well, what if we put out a lite version for half a million? You know, get the word of mouth going. Penny: Hi. I'm sorry to bother you guys, but you've got to come take your Sheldon back. Leonard: What's he doing in your apartment? Penny: Well, he was moping down in the lobby, so I invited him over, and now I regret it. Leonard: Why do you regret, uh, never mind, stupid question. Penny: Look, can't you just let him play with you until bedtime? Leonard: We're not playing. This is real work. Howard: We're going to be hundred-aires. Penny: Okay. What if I got him to apologize and promise to behave? Leonard: Then I guess we would let him back on the app team, and while we're doing that, you could take an aerial tour of L.A. on your flying pig. Penny: Okay. Wait right here. Raj: I'll tell you one thing. If I get rich enough, that's the kind of girl I want to take on a submarine ride. And yes, that time, I meant it to be dirty. Scene: Penny's apartment. Sheldon: Really? Leonard wants me back? Penny: Oh, yes. He says they are lost without you. Sheldon: Well, we sure saw that coming. Penny: That's right. Sheldon: You know what I'm going to do? I am going to sit here and just let them stew. Penny: No, no, no. You know, they have suffered enough. Everybody's suffered enough. The thing is, you're going to have to offer him a face-saving way out of this. Sheldon: How? Penny: Say you're sorry. Sheldon: Oh, no. Mrs. Mary Cooper didn't raise her no liars. Penny: Okay. Um, how about this? You know how you're always trying to learn about sarcasm? Sheldon: No. Penny: No? Sheldon: I was being sarcastic. Penny: Oh. Good for you. So all you have to do here is say you're sorry to Leonard, but say it sarcastically. Sheldon: Of course. He will hear it as an attempt to mend fences, as opposed to the withering condemnation you and I will know it to be. Penny: Yeah. Yeah, that was my plan. All right. Come on. Let's go. Sheldon: Oh, by the way, thank you for the delicious cocoa. Penny: Oh, you're welcome. Sheldon: Boy, I'm getting good at this. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Okay, now that you're back on the team, let's get you caught up. Sheldon: Before you begin, let me say again how deeply sorry I am for my earlier behaviour and how much I respect and admire your leadership. Leonard: Thank you. So as you can see, not only can you store your favourite equations, but you can forward them to your friends or post them on Facebook right from the app. Sheldon: Well, I must say, I am impressed. Leonard: Thanks. Sheldon: You all have clearly put in a lot of hard work. Howard: We have. Sheldon: As a result, you have taken the most important step on the road to success, learning what not to do. Now, let's start fresh. Howard, we're going to need some tea. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: Okay, these are Uggs. These are Crocs. These are knockoff Manolo Blahniks. Sheldon: Bored. Penny: Look, you said it yourself, we have to create a database before you can write an alga-thingy. Sheldon: Algorithm. You see, Penny, Alan Turing defined an algorithm... Penny: Bored. Okay. These are Steve Maddens. These are Nine West. These are Target. Oh, but don't they look like Chanel? These are Michael Kors. These are Roxy. These are Sachel's. Oh, these are Betsy Johnson, they're so cute... Sheldon (singing at the same time): Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows my sorrow...

Leonard gets an idea for a differential equation app, but Sheldon quickly tries to take charge of the project. After he is rejected by the others, he tries to interfere with the project by loudly playing a theremin. When Penny finds him sadly playing his theremin in the building lobby, she tries to get him reconciled with the other men. When that doesn't work, he reluctantly helps Penny create an app for shoe shopping.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_01x21

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_01x21_0

Ted from 2030: Kids, life is a dark road. You never really know what's up ahead. One night you're cruising along enjoying the ride, and then all of a sudden, you're 28. At the Bar Waitress: And for the birthday boy, lasagna. Ted: Thank you. Waitress: Careful. The plate is very hot. Ted: 'Kay. Oh, go on, touch it. Lily: Ah! Sweet damn, that's a hot plate. Ted: All right, so, Barney, are you doing this or what? Robin: Oh, geez, Barney, don't do this. Barney: I have to, it's my birthday present to Ted. Marshall: You don't have to. Please, it's going to be embarrassing and we're going to have to stop coming here, which will suck... in addition to probably being kind of healthy. Ted: Come on, Marshall, it's the greatest pickup line of all time. Barney. Marshall: Oy, gevalt. Barney: Ah... Happy birthday, Ted. Ted: Whoo-hoo! (Barney stands up and approaches a woman) Barney: Uh, excuse me, has anyone ever told y... Oh, my God. Woman: What? Barney: Oh! Call an ambulance! Woman: What's going on? Barney: Try not to speak. Here, sit down. Just don't talk, don't talk. Waitress: Is she okay? Barney: I'm serious, call 911. Woman: What's wrong? What's the matter? Barney: Shh! Shh! Just don't move. Don't move. Just try... Here, have some water. Water! Here, drink this. Shh! Shh! Robin: You know, the more I watch this, the less convinced I am that it's the greatest pickup line of all time. Ted: Wait for it. Lily: 28. Two more 'til the big one, three-oh. Ted from 2030: Actually, my 30th birthday wasn't so bad. Well, except for the goat in my bathroom. Which is a great story. But I'll get to that later. Lily: Still, you know, another year older. Still single. You don't hear your Tedological clock ticking? Ted: Nope. I hit the snooze button. Robin: And here come the paramedics. Barney: Oh, thank God, you're here. Paramedic: What is going on?! Barney: I think there might be some internal bleeding. Probably some fractures. We got to get her to the hospital. Woman: What are you talking about? Barney: You've had a terrible fall. Woman: No, I haven't. Barney: Really? 'Cause I could swear you fell straight out of heaven. Angel... Give him your number. What? Give him your number. What? All: Give him your number. Barney: Come on, guys, you're embarrassing me. All: Give him your number. Barney: What are you...? Come on. They're not going to stop 'til you give me your number. Woman: All right! Barney: It works! Marshall: I cannot believe that she gave him her number. Robin: Maybe she really does have a brain injury. Barney: Thank you, everyone. Thank you, everyone. It's been fun. It's Wendy the waitress. Tip her well. Thanks a lot, guys. Troilus and Cressida. Neighborhood Playhouse. Check them out, they're good. Ted: I realize why I'm still single. I'm picky. I'm not going to settle. If I'm going to marry someone, she has to be perfect. Lily: Well, what's perfect? Ted: It's not like I have a list. Robin: Oh, yes, you do. Ted: Attractive, college-educated, she wants two kids-- a boy and a girl... Lily: That's not hard. I know at least... Ted: I'm not done. She likes dogs, Otis Redding, does the crossword. She's into sports, but not so much so that her legs are, like, more muscular than mine. That weirds me out. And she plays bass guitar like Kim Deal from the Pixies. Marshall: Or Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth. Ted: Any Kim from any cool band, really. Can't be too picky. Lily: You're never going to find this girl. Ted: Exactly. So I'm just going to wait for her to come to me. I am done trying to plan the unplannable. Marshall: So, what, you think fate's just going to take care of it? Ted: That's the plan. Ted from 2030: And little did I know, at that very moment, fate... in the form of a 600 gigahertz superprocessing computer... was taking care of it. At the appartment Ted: Whoa, you're up early. Lily: Yeah, thought I'd whip up some pancakes. Ted: Does Marshall know? Lily: He's still sound asleep. Marshall: Awesome. So awesome. God! Best girl ever. Screw these pancakes, I should cover you in syrup and gobble you up. Ted: Please don't do that. Hey, is this milk any good? Marshall: Oh, yeah, that totally got me yesterday. Ted: God, why didn't you throw it away? Lily: I'm going shopping after work. I'll pick up some milk. Marshall: Oh...! These pancakes are delightful. Lily: What's wrong, baby? Marshall: This is the high point of my day. Ted from 2030: It was true. See, Marshall had always dreamed of using his law degree to protect the environment. But he needed money for the wedding, so he'd been interning for two months at Barney's firm... and he hated every minute of it. Barney's office Marshall: Hey, Barney, I had some questions about filling out these requisition forms. Barney: Binoculars. Second pair on my desk. Marshall: I don't have time to be creepy, dude. I have a lot of work to do. Barney: Just take a look, will ya? Okay, corner office. Top floor. Check out that guy. Name's Clark Butterfield. He works over at Nicholson, Hewitt and West and every morning, he orders a sandwich from the deli downstairs. Marshall: So? Barney: So guess what I did to that sandwich? Here, I took a picture. Marshall: Oh! Sweet Lord. Barney: And now I'm e-mailing said picture to him. Marshall: Ooh! Duck! That is sick! Why would you do that? Barney: Who knows? This feud goes so far back I can't remember who fired the first shot. Marshall: You? Barney: Totally. Well, look, if you would just... help me fill out these forms, that would be great. Marshall: What? Barney: Butterfield is going to retaliate within the next four hours. That's been his pattern. This is war, Eriksen. I need you to clear your schedule, call Lily, tell her you'll be home late. Marshall: This is stupid. Barney: Stu... Come on, man, I didn't recruit you to work here for your lawyering skills. I recruited you to be my executive mischief consultant. Marshall: This is a job for me, Barney. It's a way to make some extra wedding money, and that's it. Now I'm sorry, but I have work to do. Barney: Tracy, could you come in here, please? Would you please inform Mr. Eriksen that I'm no longer speaking to him. Tracy: Mr. Eriksen, Mr. Stinson is no longer... Marshall: I get it. Thank you, Tracy. At the appartment Ted: Hello? Man: Hello. May I speak with a Mr. Ted Mosby? Ted: Speaking. Man: Mr. Mosby, how you doing, sir? Bob Rorschach over here at Love Solutions. You signed up for our services about six months ago. Ted: Uh, yeah. You guys never found me a match. Bob: Right. Well... actually, that's why I'm calling. We found her, sir. We found your soul mate. At Love Solutions Ted: I don't understand. What happened to Ellen Pierce? Doesn't she run this place? Bob: Well, my firm bought out the company. You know, we're a high-end meats and textiles conglomerate, but the geniuses at corporate decided they wanted to diversify, so... here I am. Ted: So I'm in good hands. You found me a match? Bob: There she is. Your soul mate. That'll be 500 bucks. Ted: No way. The last time I did this, the girl turned out to be engaged. Bob: She's not engaged. She's your soul mate. Just read the file. Ted from 2030: So I read the file. And by God, this woman was perfect. She liked dogs, she spent her summers in North Carolina, she played bass guitar, she did the Times crossword, she played tennis, she liked old movies, her favorite food was lasagna, her favorite book was Love in the Time of Cholera, her favorite singer was Otis Redding and she wanted two kids-- a boy and a girl. Ted: All right, fine. Set it up. Barney's office Marshall: You wanted to see me, so I guess that means we're talking again? Barney: Will you taste this latte for me? I think they gave me decaf. Marshall: Tastes normal to me. Barney: That's what I thought, too. Then I got this e-mail from Butterfield. Marshall: Oh, God! Barney: It got me as well. Marshall: Well, then why did you have me drink it?! Barney: Because now... you're in. Marshall: Okay. Don't think I'm overlooking the obvious fact that I should just be mad at you. But Executive Mischief Consultant Marshall Eriksen reporting for duty. Let's make that b*st*rd pay. You think that we should brush our teeth first? Barney: Yeah, it's probably a good idea. In a bar Ted from 2030: So that night I had a blind date with my perfect match. I was so excited, I got there early. But before it even started... (Ted's phone starts ringing, he picks up) Ted: Lily? Lily: Hey, Ted, are you busy? Ted: Um... yes. Lily: Oh, right. Soul mate. Forgot. Listen, could you take a cab out to Duchess County and change a flat on Marshall's Fiero? Ted: What? What? No. Can't you just call Marshall? Lily: Marshall can't know about this. Look, Ted, it's dark, I don't know how to change a tire, and I've stumbled into the beginning of a very scary campfire story. Can you please hurry? Ted: I can't, I'm waiting... Lily: Oh, my God, is that a drifter with a hook for a hand? No, drifter, no! Ted: Come on, Lily. Lily: But you see my point. Ted: All right, stay there. I'm on my way. At Duchess County Ted from 2030: And so, one $90 cab ride later, I was in the middle of nowhere. Lily: Oh, thank God. I'm so sorry about this. Did you get ahold of your date? Ted: Yes. Lily: And was she okay about pushing it back? Ted: Yes. Because she's perfect. So what am I doing here? Lily: You can never tell Marshall. Ted: I won't. Lily: Ever. Swear. Swear on the lives of your unborn boy and girl. Ted: I swear on Luke and Leia. Lily: About a month ago, I started getting insomnia. Marrying Marshall had been all I wanted for a long time. But, now that it was really happening, it seemed kind of huge and scary. Ted: Did you talk to Marshall about it? Lily: He wouldn't have understood. He's not exactly nervous about tying the knot. So I spent my nights reading, painting, setting the high score on Super Bomber Man... Ted: That was you? Awesome! Lily: I know! I just got in the zone and... Not the point of the story. And then I started thinking about Victoria and how she followed her dream to Germany, and I found that art fellowship. Ted: Let me guess. It's somewhere far away. Lily: San Francisco. But it's not like I'm going to do it. The dates conflict with the wedding. But I love painting, and I've always wondered if I'm any good. This was a way to find out. And the interview is tonight. In New Haven. Ted: You don't want to get married. Lily: Of course I want to get married. I... It's not like I was ever going to do it. I just... I just really wanted to see if I could get this. Ted: Lily, we live in the center of art and culture in America. I'm sure you could find a program here that's just as selective. But you chose one in a city 3,000 miles away, and you didn't tell Marshall. I think it's pretty clear what that means. Lily: Okay, I was... I was having second thoughts. But I'm not any more. I... I mean, this flat tire was a sign. I'm not supposed to do this. I'm supposed to go home and-and be with Marshall. You must think I'm so stupid. Ted: I don't think you're stupid. Lily: I love Marshall. Ted: I know you do. Come here. It's okay. Look... Marriage is big. You're allowed to freak out. Lily: But why am I the only one? How come Marshall isn't doing anything crazy? [SCENE_BREAK] Barney's office Marshall: So all we need is one large shipping box and 100 white mice. At Duchess County Ted: All done. Lily: Ted, let's go to New Haven. Ted: Lily, don't do this to yourself. Lily: I just need to know if I can get in. If I do this interview, and get into the program, then I'll know, and I can forget all about it, and get married. Come on! It's an adventure. Ted: No, it's not an adventure. It's a mistake. Lily: Okay, yes, it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake. But there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back, and say, "Yep. That was a mistake." So, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. And, damn it, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this-- my life, my relationship, my career-- mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you? Ted: I don't know. You said "mistake" a lot. Lily, don't do this. Lily: Ted, I'm getting married in two months, and I'm freaking out, and you're my best friend, and you just have to forgive me for this. Ted: Forgive you for what? (Lily leaves with he car) Lily. Lily! Hey, Lily, this is Ted, the guy you left stranded by the side of the road. I just wanted to say good luck with the interview, remember to pick up some milk... Oh, and, when I get home, I'm going to kill you. And, also, I texted you the same thing. (He calls Barney) Hey, I need a big favor. Barney: Anything, bro. Ted: I need you to come up to Duchess County and pick me up. Barney: No. Ted: It's kind of an emergency. Barney: What are you doing in Duchess County? Ted: Apple picking. Can you just get up here? Barney: I wish I could help, buddy, but I'm stuck here at work. We're kind of swamped. Marshall: Is that Ted? Barney: Yeah. He's stuck in Duchess County. Marshall: Don't you have a big date tonight? Ted: Uh... Marshall. Hi. Yes. Yes, I do. Marshall: So what are you doing in Duchess County? Ted: Can't a brother go apple picking without getting the third degree? Damn! Marshall: Okay, well, hang on. I'm coming to get you. Ted: No! Marshall: Relax, man. I'll take the Fiero. Ted: No, no, no. Just... forget it. Ha, ha! A little prank. I'm not in Duchess County. Marshall: So that's the prank? That you're not in Duchess County? Ted: Yep. Gotcha! Classic! Gotta go. Barney's office Barney: Hey, check out this one. It actually looks like Butterfield. Marshall: You know, over at the NRDC, it's a bunch of really committed people who take their job of saving the earth very, very seriously. Which is great, and everything, but I can't imagine having this much fun over there. Barney: You thinking about coming to work here full-time? Marshall: Maybe. Don't tell Lily, okay? Tracy: Taking off for the night. Barney: Thanks, Tracy. Tracy: Are you guys planning on punching some holes in that box? Barney: Of course we are. Were you going to think of that? Marshall: No. Barney: That would have been bad. Marshall: Horrible. At Duchess County Ted from 2030: Luckily, there was still one person I could call to get a ride home. Robin: Need a ride, cowboy? Ted: Sorry. I don't get in vans with strangers. Robin: Hmm, too bad. I got candy. Ted: Candy?! Robin: So you're not going to tell me what you were doing by the side of a highway in Duchess County? Ted: Nope. Sworn to secrecy. Robin: Oh, come on. Ted: I like your hat. Robin: Right. This is embarrassing. I got highlights. Ted: Oh, for the waiting room of your dental practice? Highlights is a children's magazine. Robin: Yeah, I got it. I thought it might look cool. Of course my colorist took "highlights" to mean, "I want to look like a tiger," hence the hat. Ted: Oh. I gotta see this. Robin: No way. Ted: Please. I bet it doesn't look that bad. I bet it looks grr-eat! Robin: So, she says, changing the subject. Big date tonight. How does she rate on the Mosby checklist? Ted: Kind of amazingly. Uh, she's 28, like me. Robin: Wow, I'm 28. Hmm. Ted: Uh, college educated-- check. Plays tennis-- check. Uh, favorite book is Love in the Time of Cholera-- check. Robin: I read that. More like "Love in the Time of Don't Bothera." Ted: You know, it's very rude to wear a hat indoors. I'm just saying. Robin: We're not indoors. We're in a van. Ted: Vans have doors-- let me see your hair. Robin: Never. What else? Ted: She loves lasagna. Robin: Barf. Ted: You know, I am sensing a pattern here. Robin: What else? Ted: Let's see what else... Oh, she doesn't look like a tiger-- check. Robin: And she's looking to get married and have kids? Ted: Check and check. She wants two kids... a boy and a girl. Robin: Wow. You know, I've been thinking about this. I think I want to have zero kids. Ted: Really? You don't want kids? Robin: You know, Ted, not everyone is as much of a woman as you. Hey. I'm driving. Look at that. 8:56. You're early. Ted: Hey, thanks for picking me up. Robin: Good luck on your date. I hope she's everything you're looking for. Ted: Thanks. Robin: All right, you've clearly had a rough night. I want you to go in there with a smile on your face, so, uh, here's what I'm going to do. Ted: You're going to show me your hair? Robin: Actually, I was going to show you my breasts, but... sure, we can do hair. Ted: You just made my night. Robin: Go. (Ted gets out of the van et watch Robin leaving. He sees himself at his wedding, except Robin is not the bride) At the appartment Marshall: Tomorrow morning, Barney's going to send out the package, and Butterfield's going to be knee-deep in angry white mice. Oh, hey, dude. Ted: Hey, guys. Lily: Hi. Ted: Hey. So, Lil, did you, uh, get the milk? Lily: Yeah. Yeah, I-I got it. Ted: You think you might want to... drink the milk? Lily: No. Nope, I'm good. I don't need any milk. Marshall: Look, guys, I know milk is important-- it's got vitamin A, vitamin D, it's a great way to start the morning-- but Ted just had a huge date. How'd it go, dude? Ted: I didn't go. Marshall: What? Why? Ted: I changed my mind. I don't want to meet her. Marshall: Why? She sounds perfect. Ted: I don't want perfect. I want Robin. Marshall: Oh, God, not this again. Ted, it's a mistake. Ted: Maybe. But it's a mistake I have to make. Marshall: Wrong. It's a mistake you don't have to make. Look at the evidence. You and Robin have tried this again and again... Ted from 2030: Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway. [FLASHBACKS] Lily: Ah, sweet damn, that's a hot plate. Ted: Hey, is this milk any good? [END OF FLASHBACKS] Ted from 2030: Even really really dumb mistakes.

The matchmaking service finally returns with a match for Ted, but he puts his date with his "perfect woman" on hold as he decides whether or not he still has feelings for Robin. At the office, Barney enlists Marshall's help to prank a man who works in the building across the street. Meanwhile, Lily applies for an art fellowship in San Francisco without telling Marshall, even though it could ruin their wedding plans.

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SILVER NEMESIS PART ONE Run time: 24:31 [SCENE_BREAK] De Flores's villa [SCENE_BREAK] Karl: Herr De Flores. Herr De Flores. Wonderful news. [SCENE_BREAK] Lady Peinforte's home [SCENE_BREAK] Richard: Very good, my lady. Peinforte: How much longer? Richard: He cannot hear you, my lady. Shall I... Peinforte: Leave him. There'll be time enough to punish his impertinence when he's finished. Peinforte: Put this with the others. Are you so very feeble? The poison cannot harm unless the arrow's tip should break the skin. Let who will steal my gold. Richard: And the silver arrow, my lady? Peinforte: Leave that to me. You're sure the potion is well mixed? Richard: On my life, ma'am. I guarantee it. Peinforte: Good. We await but the calculation. Perhaps the fee will speed matters. [SCENE_BREAK] De Flores's villa [SCENE_BREAK] De Flores: Gentlemen. I wonder if even you can fully appreciate what this moment means. You're standing now at the turning point of history. The day of fulfillment of our mighty destiny is about to dawn. Fifty years ago, I stood at the side of the Fuehrer himself when he ordered the first giant step to greatness, just as now the moment approaches for the second and final one. It will be decisive, for this time, this time we must not fail. Gentlemen, I give you the Fourth Reich. All: The Fourth Reich. Karl: Herr De Flores, the aircraft is ready. De Flores: We leave at once. [SCENE_BREAK] Lady Peinforte's home [SCENE_BREAK] Richard: My lady, there is but the final ingredient for the liquid wanting. For that I was thinking... Mathematician: My lady? Lady Peinforte? I've finished. Peinforte: You have the answer? Mathematician: Yes, my lady. Peinforte: Quickly, then. Tell me. Mathematician: The comet Nemesis will circle the heavens once every twenty five years. Peinforte: Yes. Mathematician: It's trajectory, however, is decaying. This... Peinforte: When will it land? Mathematician: It will circle ever closer until finally it once again strikes the Earth at the point from which it originally departed, the meadow outside. Peinforte: When? Mathematician: When. Oh, yes. Yes, of course. On the twenty third day of November in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty eight. [SCENE_BREAK] Black Jack's Mill - garden [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: I could listen to them all afternoon. The Doctor: And so we shall. Ace: Have you seen this? Charlton picked up three points. The Doctor: This is my favourite kind of jazz, straight blowing. Ace: I hate people whose alarms go off during gigs. The Doctor: What's this? It's a reminder. Ace: Well, go on, then. The Doctor: Well, obviously, at this precise moment it's a reminder to change course for another destination. Ace: Where's that? The Doctor: I've forgotten. Oh, we'll have to go back and find out. Ace: Oh, Professor. Ace: Excuse me, would you mind signing my tape? Courtney: Not at all. Ace: Thanks. Courtney: Okay. Ace: Bye. The Doctor: Don't you find it embarrassing asking for autographs? Ace: Not as embarrassing as forgetting what you set your alarm for. The Doctor: Well, I probably arranged it centuries ago. Ace: Doctor! The Doctor: Get down! Ace: Who are they? The Doctor: Couldn't see. Quick, the TARDIS. Ace: Hope my tape's all right. The Doctor: Welcome home. [SCENE_BREAK] Lady Peinforte's home [SCENE_BREAK] Mathematician: I could build a flying machine. Imagine that, my lady. Human beings flying about like birds. Peinforte: Bring the cups of potion. We leave at once. Richard: The final ingredient, my lady? Human blood? Mathematician: Why, I can change the world. Peinforte: Ah, yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Riverside [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor (O.C.): Ace! Ace: Yeah? The Doctor (O.C.): Duck. The Doctor: No, duck. Ace: Oh, great. Now I can play my tape. The Doctor: Afraid not. Ace: Why not? It's my tape deck. You built it for me. The Doctor: Yes, I know I built it for you to replace the one that was destroyed by the Daleks, but... Ace: So? It's my tape deck and I want to play this. The Doctor: This is more than just a tape deck. And besides, we've more to worry about than just listening to your tape. Ace: Yeah. So who were they, anyway? Who'd want to kill us? The Doctor: I'm afraid there's an infinite number of possibilities. What concerns me more is my alarm. Got to find out what it was supposed to be. Ace: Can't you remember anything about it? The Doctor: I'm afraid not. Obviously the arrangements were made in rather a hurry. They are important. I've given them a terminal rating. Ace: Sounds nice. The Doctor: It means that some planet somewhere faces imminent destruction. Ace: Crikey. The Doctor: Quite. The Doctor: That looks familiar. Earth. [SCENE_BREAK] Lady Peinforte's home [SCENE_BREAK] Peinforte: Afraid? Richard: Yes, my lady. Peinforte: When I employed you, you lead me to believe you were a hardened criminal. Richard: As my lady knows, before I entered your service I was found guilty of a large number of offences. Peinforte: Then have the courage of your convictions. Drink. Drink! Richard: What's happening, my lady? Peinforte: We are leaving, Richard. Destiny beckons. We ride the back of time. Richard: No. No! No! Peinforte: Come back, you fool. You'll break the aura. Richard: I can't! Please, my lady. I must stay. Peinforte: It's too late. [SCENE_BREAK] Black Jack's Mill [SCENE_BREAK] Richard: Where are we, my lady? Peinforte: Why, the very place we left, of course. My house in Windsor. [SCENE_BREAK] Riverside [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: You mean the world's going to end and you've forgotten about it? The Doctor: I've been busy. Ace: How long have you known? The Doctor: Well, in strictly linear terms, as the chronometer flies, I've known since November the twenty third, 1638. [SCENE_BREAK] Cellar [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Hello. Ow! Ace: Look at all this stuff. The Doctor: Yes, that's exactly what we've got to do, look at all this stuff. You take that aisle. Ace: What's it all for? The Doctor: Presents. Ace: Nobody gets this many presents. The Doctor: Well, if you were a lady who travelled. Ace: I am. The Doctor: Yes, you're not always invited, but you are, you get presents, and then you need somewhere to store them. Ace: Who does it all belong to? I mean, where are we? The Doctor: Windsor. Ace: Windsor? We're in the castle? The Doctor: This is new. Ace: I thought it'd be a lot posher than this. The Doctor: It probably is, upstairs, but we're in the vault. The Doctor: I'm looking for a silver bow we want to borrow. Ace: We can't go nicking stuff in here. The Doctor: It's only temporary. Ace: It's probably treason. I'm too young to go to the Tower. The Doctor: Listen, Ace, do I have to remind you that the safety of the world is at stake? Ace: It might make a difference if you'd let me know what was going on, Professor, but I suppose there's no time. The Doctor: Precisely. The Doctor: There's even less time than I thought. Please, let's hurry. [SCENE_BREAK] Black Jack's Mill [SCENE_BREAK] Peinforte: Nemesis. She arrives. [SCENE_BREAK] Cellar [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Was that a bomb? The Doctor: No, that was the return to Earth of a comet called Nemesis that has been in orbit for exactly three hundred and fifty years. Ace: You're amazing, Professor, being able to tell all that just from the noise. The Doctor: Wasn't difficult, really. It was me who launched it into space in the first place. This may qualify as the worst miscalculation since life crawled out of the seas on this sad planet. Ace: Nobody's perfect. Hey, is this the bow? [SCENE_BREAK] Van [SCENE_BREAK] Karl: We're almost at Windsor, Herr De Flores. Shall I let the men walk around a little? De Flores: No, Karl. We must not keep history waiting. [SCENE_BREAK] Black Jack's Mill [SCENE_BREAK] Richard: My lady, what carriage is that? Peinforte: Hurry. The rogues will have the Nemesis. Richard: I've not seen the like of it before. We must take care. Peinforte: Oh, fie. [SCENE_BREAK] Van [SCENE_BREAK] De Flores: Nemesis has come to Earth on that piece of ground. In the new era, all this will be a shrine. Karl: The men are ready in two assault groups. I will remain with you. We await only your order. De Flores: Very good. Let's drive to the best hotel and refresh ourselves. Karl: But Herr De Flores, there are only three policemen. We can take them now. You young people, always in such a hurry. Well, we were the same. Now, the statue is inside the meteor, which has just travelled through space. Have you any idea how hot it will be? How can we handle it? Since the British Government is completely unaware of its power, I'm sure we can rely on the police force to guard it safely until we're ready to collect it. I have every confidence in them. [SCENE_BREAK] Cellar [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: The bow was in the case. Ace: Ah. This case contained the bow of Nemesis, property of the Crown, which disappeared mysteriously in 1788. Legend has it that unless a place is kept for the bow in the Castle, the entire silver statue will return to destroy the world. The Doctor: For once legend is absolutely correct. It has just returned. The Doctor: Oh, now this. Ace: It's just the electricity. Ace: It does that sometimes, even in the 1980s. What I want to know is, how can a statue destroy the world? The Doctor: I'll tell you three hundred and fifty years ago. [SCENE_BREAK] Lady Peinforte's home [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Shush. Ace: Sorry, Professor. The Doctor: There might be someone at home. Ace: Okay, Professor. So where are we now? The Doctor: Windsor, of course. Only a few hundred yards from the Castle. Ace: And is it really 1638? The Doctor: It certainly is. And furthermore, don't move. Ace: What? The Doctor: Stay where you are. Ace: What is it? The Doctor: Something you don't want to see. Ace: Who does this house belong to, anyway? The Doctor: A lady. Ace: She's got funny ideas about home furnishings. The Doctor: Lady Peinforte's nothing if not original. I'm afraid this poor man was employed for his useful rather than his ornamental qualities. He's a scholar. He's done remarkably well. In a matter of months since I was last here, he's calculated the exact time and date when a comet called Nemesis will land on this planet. The twenty third of November. Ace: 1988. The Doctor: And Lady Peinforte's rewarded him with her usual generosity. Ace: So the bow belonged to her? The Doctor: Hmm? Oh, no, no. Not to her. To a statue of her. She made the statue from the silver metal that fell out of the sky into that meadow out there. The Doctor: Hmm, this game is going rather badly. Ace: Professor. The Doctor: Don't worry. There's no one here now, apart from our late friend. Lady Peinforte's around all right, in Windsor, but three hundred and fifty years in the future. [SCENE_BREAK] Crash site [SCENE_BREAK] Richard: What means yon fellows? One speaks into his hand. Peinforte: He summons guards. Oh, this cannot be. Richard: Why so upset, my lady? Peinforte: Because, fool, they will protect the Nemesis, and we know not their strength and weapons. Richard: But, my lady, they know not what the comet is. Without the arrow, it is nothing. We must but watch and wait our chance to seize it. Peinforte: Thou art not in all wise so useless, Richard. Richard: My lady is too kind. Peinforte: We shall withdraw and conceal ourselves. Policeman: Three one eight to base. Hey look, there's someone inside. [SCENE_BREAK] Lady Peinforte's home [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: How can she get to 1988? The Doctor: She uses the silver arrow, of course, and she had some basic rudimentary knowledge about time travel. Black magic, mostly. Ace: Black magic? The Doctor: Mmm, and what you might call a nose for secrets. The Doctor: Oh, dear. Ace: So it wasn't just silver, this stuff that fell from the sky? The Doctor: Unfortunately, Lady Peinforte discovered it was something rather more unusual. A living metal. Validium. Ace: Living metal? The Doctor: Yes, with just one purpose. Destruction. Ace: But if you launched it into space, how come it's capable of destruction? The Doctor: Later, Ace. [SCENE_BREAK] Crash site [SCENE_BREAK] Policeman: Don't bother trying again, it looks like the battery's dead. Policeman: Hello? Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] Windsor Castle [SCENE_BREAK] Guide: You see here the guard. They're changed quite regularly. Of course, they're only changed in winter time. They normally stand here all the time in summer time. Now, will you follow me, please, ladies and gentlemen? Ace: I've been here before. The Doctor: D j vu? Ace: No, with the school. The Doctor: Oh, very droll. I haven't been here since they were building the place. You remember the way around? Ace: Not really. Windsor Castle's a big place. The Doctor: Quite right. What we need's a guide. Come on. Guide: Tower, and also further over there is the Mary Tudor Tower. Those gargoyles have been there for about five hundred years. They were built in 1509 originally, and the... [SCENE_BREAK] Courtyard [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: I really don't think we should be doing this. The Doctor: This way? What do you think? Ace: I don't know. I might be able to tell if I actually knew where we were going. We didn't actually cover the Royal residential areas on the school trip. There's someone coming. The Doctor: Act as if you own the place. Ace: Do what? The Doctor: It always works. We own the place. Ace: Doctor! The Doctor: How annoying. I can't place that woman for the life of me. Ace: Doctor! The Doctor: It's all right, Ace. I know that woman from somewhere. The Doctor (O.C.): What! Why didn't you say something? Ace (O.C.): You wouldn't let me. The Doctor: She's just the woman we need. Quick, after her. Ah ha! [SCENE_BREAK] Landing [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: It'll be very useful to have the armed forces and the police on our side, and can you suggest a better person to ask? Ace: Come on. The Doctor: There's no alternative. [SCENE_BREAK] Crash site [SCENE_BREAK] Richard: I am in a nightmare, or mad. Peinforte: This is no madness. Tis England. Richard: But the noise, lady. The foul air. Richard: Yes, my lady. What will my lady do when you possess the Nemesis? Peinforte: Why, first have revenge on that predictable little man. He will soon arrive, Richard. Oh yes, I expect him. This time there'll be a reckoning with the nameless Doctor whose power is so secret, for I have found his secret out. In good time, I will speak it. I shall be his downfall. [SCENE_BREAK] Landing [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I've got to speak to her. Security: Be quiet. We'll have a doctor here soon. The Doctor: But I am a doctor! Security: Don't get excited. How did you get in here? The Doctor: I could tell you, but you won't believe me. Security: Try me. The Doctor: I travelled through time and space. Security: Oh dear, oh dear. The Doctor: Oh yes, very well, then. Let's forget about the armed forces. Ace: But the Queen? Security: Are you a patient with him? Ace: Now, you'd better listen to him, weasel features, 'cos he's the Doctor. Security: Oh, is he? The Doctor: Listen, the fate of every living creature on this planet hangs in the balance. Security: I don't believe you. The Doctor: You will believe me. You will let us go. You will not move. You will move. Ace: How did you do that? The Doctor: It's easy once you know how. You have to make a spectacle of yourself. Security: Hey! The Doctor: Only trouble is, it doesn't last long. [SCENE_BREAK] Gallery [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Oh look, a Van Dyck. Ace: Not now, Doctor. Ace: Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me. Security: Excuse me. [SCENE_BREAK] Staircase [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: What now? The Doctor: Back to the TARDIS. We're obviously not going to get any help here. Ace: Professor, that's me. The Doctor: What? Gosh, so it is. My goodness, what a good likeness. Ace: How come I ended up here? The Doctor: Well, it hasn't happened yet. Ace: But it's two hundred years ago. The Doctor: I know. We haven't done it. That's why you don't remember it. Ace: It doesn't make sense. The Doctor: Well, it did to Louis Armstrong, but then he really understood time. Security: There they are. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] Crash site [SCENE_BREAK] Karl: Herr De Flores, I don't understand how the police have already been overcome. De Flores: That is of no importance. All that matters is the Nemesis is safe. De Flores: Your strength returns. Soon you will be completely restored. But where's the arrow? The arrow, where is it? De Flores: Find it. Find it! The Doctor: I only hope we're not to late. The Doctor: Er, don't be afraid. We won't harm you. Karl: How did you get here? I searched that section, there was no one there. De Flores: Never mind, Karl. You will see many signs and wonders in the days to come. Give me the arrow of Nemesis. The Doctor: Fortunately, I haven't seen it since 1638, when it disappeared along with the good Lady Peinforte. De Flores: Rubbish. You. Where is the arrow? Ace: I don't know anything about it. The Doctor: She really doesn't. Allow me to explain, Ace. The Doctor: For the validium to become active, it must have a sufficient quantity of critical mass. The statue alone is no good without the bow. De Flores: I have the bow. The Doctor: And the arrow. Now, if someone could put the bow and arrow into the statue's hands... De Flores: They have the power of life and death, not only over this Earth but any planet in existence. You seem remarkably well-informed for someone who claims to know nothing. The Doctor: I simply notice what is obvious. You, apparently, don't. De Flores: What do you mean? The Doctor: You see those policemen there? They've been attacked by technology more advanced and more terrible than you could imagine. Karl: What technology? The Doctor: And you might also have observed the electricity supply being drained over the last few days. Ace: Like at the Castle? The Doctor: Yes. De Flores: Tell me where the arrow is. I want you to tell me where to find the arrow! The Doctor: I'm glad to say I can't. De Flores: Then we will shoot her. Ace: Doctor. De Flores: Wait. The Doctor: Don't move! Ace: They saved my life. The Doctor: Don't thank them yet. We might live to regret it. Ace: What are they? The Doctor: Cybermen.

A group of neo-Nazis in South America are seeking the Nemesis Statue - as is a shuttle full of Cybermen and the mysterious Lady Peinforte from the 17th century.

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[Peyton's Room] (Talking to her dad via web cam) MR. SAWYER: Hey, honey. PEYTON: Hey, dad. What's going on with the unibomber look? MR. SAWYER: I was going for George Clooney PEYTON: Go further. MR. SAWYER: That's right you're not used to seeing me like this. See when I'm on the job I usually let it grow then I shave it off right before I come home. Kind of a ritual for me. PEYTON: Well make sure you find a razor day after tomorrow MR. SAWYER: And after that, I'm gonna be shaving a lot more often. PEYTON: Okay MR. SAYWER: Hey Brooke, Hey rake boy. (Peyton looks behind her as they walk in) I see nobody uses the doorbell still. BROOKE: Papa Peyton, the scruffy thing's working for you. MR SAWYER: What are you guys up to so early? BROOKE: I don't know. Peyton just asked us... PEYTON: Oh no, you know what? You'll find out when you get home. MR SAWYER: Not even a little hint? PEYTON: Uh Uh. Not even. I love you (Brooke Waves Bye) MR SAWYER: You better. Love you too, honey. PEYTON: Bye. (Turns off camera and stands up) BROOKE: So what's the surprise? PEYTON: I need your help with something. Come on. (She walks out and the others follow) [Peyton's Driveway] (Peyton pulls a cover off an old red car) LUCAS: (whistles) Damn that's nice. Is this your dads? PEYTON: Yeah, he hasn't driven it in like a year though. Do you think you can get it to run? BROOKE: Of course he can. And he's going to look good doing it too in a tight little wife beater, maybe some grease smudges. (Lucas pops the hood) PEYTON: And I was thinking maybe you could help me wash and wax it. BROOKE: Glad to help PEYTON: I just want to do something nice for him. Since he's coming home. LUCAS: Alright, I'll go get my tools. [Nathan's house] (Door bell rings, Nathan answers) MAY: Surprise! ROYAL: You answer the door in your underwear? NATHAN: Grandma, Grandpa. What are you guys doing here? DEB: (Walking to the door) Royal, May, oh what a surprise. ROYAL: Well thanks for the warm welcome. (To May) I told you this ambush was a bad idea. MAY: He's dragging me to another one of those auto conventions. ROYAL: Nobody's dragging anybody anywhere. MAY: I told him that the only way I'd go is if we came by here for Danny's birthday. DEB: Oh, Dan's birthday, of course. NATHAN: Yeah ROYAL: Well you going to leave us standing out here all morning freezing our asses off? DEB: Oh... NATHAN: Come on in. MAY: Kiss Granny. ROYAL: Looks like you put on a few there, Deb. It looks good on you. [Dan Scott Motors] (Deb catches Dan walking inside) DEB: Dan. DAN: You remembered. I'm touched. DEB: Oh I'm not here to wish you a happy birthday. But your parents are. DAN: What? DEB: Yeah they showed up at the house. Apparently you never told them that you're not living there right now. DAN: How'd they take it? DEB: You think I told them? I'm not going to be on the receiving end of that. That's your job. DAN: Well how long are they here? DEB: Just tonight. But it gets better. Your mother is cooking you a big birthday dinner. DAN: Oh perfect. Alright so what are we going to do? DEB: We are not going to do anything. You are going to go to the house right now, and tell them we're separated. DAN: No, we're doing the counseling. We can work this thing out right? Isn't that the whole point? DEB: It is. DAN: Well you know how they are. DO you really want them weighing in on the state of our marriage? Do you remember when we told them we weren't going to have any more kids? How many times did my dad call you? And now you don't even have the option of hanging up on him. DEB: Go on, Dan. Just say it. DAN: We go through the motions tonight. Get it over with. Send them on their way. Go back to working on us. Besides, it might do us some good to try and remember what its like to be a normal family. DEB: Fine, just for tonight. DAN: Just for tonight. (Deb walks out) [Karen's Caf ] (Haley is working when Royal walks in) HALEY: Good morning, Sir. Table or counter? ROYAL: Um, actually, I'm looking for Karen. HALEY: Oh you know what? She's in Italy right now. Cooking school. ROYAL: Good for her. (smiles) How's that boy of hers doing? HALEY: Lucas is great. She calls in every once and a while. You want me to leave a message? ROYAL: No that's alright. I'll just catch her the next time I'm passing through. HALEY: Ok, can I tell her who stopped by? Mr... ROYAL: Just an old friend. (leaves the caf ) (Deb comes out from the back after seeing Royal there) [Peyton's driveway] (Lucas is sitting in the car working on it, Brooke is leaning in the passenger's window) LUCAS: Well, it's not the battery. It's probably the starter. BROOKE: Well you can fix that right? LUCAS: Yeah, it shouldn't be a problem. (Brooke gets in next to him) It's an amazing car. BROOKE: It's an amazing guy. (Pulls him in by the necklace for a kiss) LUCAS: Is that what you got me in this thing for? (Brooke nods) Yeah... (they keep kissing and get out when Peyton comes outside) I was, just getting started. BROOKE: Sadly, so was I. (Sees Peyton's worried) What's wrong? PEYTON: I'm just worried about my dad. [Peyton's bedroom] PEYTON: Okay I just checked online and now they're saying it's a category 3 hurricane LUCAS: Alright and you already checked on the web cam right? PEYTON: Yeah its out. BROOKE: Well maybe he turned it off. PEYTON: Or the storm did it for him. LUCAS: Yeah but storms knock that kind of thing out all the time right? Anyway, aren't dredging boats huge? PEYTON: He wouldn't be on the dredging boat. Right now, if there's a storm headed his way, he'd be on this little tiny transport heading back to shore and that's what worries me. LUCAS: Okay, Peyton, just stop. Don't do this to yourself, alright? Just because he hasn't checked in doesn't mean something's happened. PEYTON: Doesn't mean it hasn't either. [on the streets] (Haley and Nathan are walking past shops) HALEY: So this dinner thing's gonna be pretty bad huh? NATHAN: Massacre. My Grandma's okay. It's just my Grandpa's pretty intense. You've met my dad. Just imagine where he comes from. HALEY: Scary. NATHAN: Yeah. You should come tonight. Maybe it will make everybody behave. HALEY: (laughs) I'll come if you want me to. NATHAN: No, I wasn't serious. I wouldn't put you through that. HALEY: No I mean, if you're asking, of course my answer's yes. NATHAN: Well, then I'm asking. HALEY: Well then I'm coming. [Dan Scott Motors] (Dan walking in the showroom with a customer) DAN: Let me get this right, the charcoal finish, custom leather package, and what you want is a champaign interior. (Royal walks in) ROYAL: I'm here to see the manager. DAN: (to customer) Excuse me ROYAL: Hey fellow, you ought to know who you're doing business with. CUSTOMER: Is there a problem? ROYAL: Well you're buying from Dan Scott. Basketball legend. Still holds the all time scoring record for Tree Hill. Made all-state his Senior year. CUSTOMER: No kidding. ROYAL: No kidding DAN: (to customer, pointing at Royal) My dad. CUSTOMER: I figured. You play college too? ROYAL: Would have, but he blew his knee out in his freshman year. He got robbed. Would have been one of the greats. DAN: Dad, Mr. Miller's really not interested. (To Mr. Miller) I'll tell you what, meet me in my office. Ok? I'll be right in. CUSTOMER: Yea. DAN: Champaign interior, right? Alright. ROYAL: What? Somebody's got to brag on you. And you're not going to close that sale without your old mans help you know that, don't you? DAN: You know you always were my biggest promoter. ROYAL: Yeah well. (Hits Dan in the stomach and feels his abs) Hey still in shape. Good for you. [Nathan's house] (Dan and Deb in the dinning room before dinner) DAN: Oh you're home. Listen I called Nathan. I told him not to Dad that he's not going to practice. DEB: You mean that he quit the team? DAN: You know what I mean. I also told Keith to avoid the subject. DEB: Any other lies I should remember to tell? DAN: I'm trying to protect our son from my father, okay? DEB: You don't even see the irony do you? (May walks in) DAN: Mom, you look beautiful as ever. MAY: God bless you for a liar. DAN: When I compliment you, you call me a liar. MAY: You look tired. (Royal comes in) ROYAL: Hey, son, what's the deal? No more Charlotte hornets? DAN: Yeah New Orleans can have them. You think they have playoffs hope? ROYAL: No, no. MAY: No sports talk ROYAL: Oh come on. (doorbell rings) Yes ma'am. (Starts to sit at the head of the table; Dan coughs and gestures at the seat next to it) I just became head of the table then huh? (Keith enters) MAY: Keith! KEITH: (hugs May) You look great. ROYAL: Well look what the cat dragged in. KEITH: It's good to see you too, dad. (Shakes his hand) Happy birthday, Danny. DAN: Yeah thanks. (Shack hands) MAY: Come on, have a seat. Dinner is almost ready. (Keith kisses Deb on the cheek) KEITH: Hey Deb. MAY: Danny will you pour some wine please? DAN: I'm on it. KEITH: Amen to that. Uh, listen mom, we're going to need another place setting, I invited a guest. MAY: A date! Oh my goodness, well you get that chair over there... (Nathan and Haley walk in) NATHAN: Grandpa, Grandma, this is Haley. ROYAL: Oh Haley. HALEY: Hi. ROYAL: Nice to meet you. (shaking her hand) HALEY: Nice to meet you too. (Both of them obviously recognizing each other from the caf ; Deb looks nervous about them too) ROYAL: Well, Nathan, you're looking more and more like your old man every day. We all know where he gets his good looks don't we? Well come on in. You sit right here next to me, hun. (Pulls a chair out for Haley) HALEY: Thank You. (doorbell rings) MAY: I'll get it. (laughs as Whitey walks in. He hugs her) ROYAL: Oh my goodness, Whitey! Good to see you. WHITEY: Good evening everybody. Sorry I'm late. (continues to talk to Royal in the background) NATHAN: (silently to Haley) Glad you came? HALEY: Yeah. [Peyton's driveway; night] (Lucas is working under the hood and Brooke is sitting in the drivers seat) LUCAS: Alright, try it again. (Brooke starts the engine. They laugh, excited that it works) BROOKE: We got power! LUCAS: Whooo BROOKE: Peyton, come check it out. (Peyton walks out looking very upset; Brooke gets out of the car) What is it? PEYTON: I just got a phone call. Um, it's the storm. My dad's transport is missing. There were three guys on it. They recovered a body. LUCAS: What'd they tell you? PEYTON: I have to go see if it's him. (everyone is shocked) [Inside Peyton's house] LUCAS: Alright you sure you shouldn't call your Grandma? PEYTON: No she'd freak out. I'd rather not upset her. Besides its not going to be my dad. BROOKE: Of course its not PEYTON: Let's go ahead and get this over with. We have a 4 hour drive ahead of us. BROOKE: A 4 hour drive into a storm? PEYTON: Well the storms passing through. By the time we get there it should be gone. LUCAS: Okay wait a second. Shouldn't somebody stay here by the phone? I mean incase your dad calls. BROOKE: I will. You go with Peyton. LUCAS: You sure? BROOKE: Yeah. Lucas you're good in crisis, not that there's going to be one. But I would probably end up falling apart and you'd end up taking care of me which is not the point, so... (To Peyton) I love you. (Hugs her) It's going to be okay. (To Lucas) You're the best. (kisses him; Peyton and Lucas walk out the front door) I'll call you guys if I hear anything. [SCENE_BREAK] [Nathan's house] ROYAL: So, how's the team doing this year, Whitey? DAN: Oh we're still undefeated actually. Dad, you still rooting for the Magic these days? MAY: Please! No talk of sports until after dinner, okay? DAN: Good idea mom. Sorry. ROYAL: Well, Nathan, what are you averaging these days? You know your dad had 27 and a half a game. You beat that yet? MAY: Royal, we just said... ROYAL: I'm asking the boy a question, May. NATHAN: Uh well maybe you should ask the old man. DAN: 24 points a game I think, isn't it? ROYAL: So, 24 a game huh? You're gonna have to get that up if you're going to beat the old man. Yeah your dads star would have risen through the roof at Carolina if it wasn't for that damn knee of his. How're your knees? NATHAN: No worries HALEY: Oh he's got great knees. (everyone laughs) ROYAL: uh huh. Of course Danny takes after his old man. Never let adversity stop him. Too bad Keith takes after his mothers side of the family. MAY: Lucky for him KEITH: I'd drink to that, but I have to get a refill. MAY: Well I should see about the cake. HALEY: I'll go do that, Mrs. Scott. (to Nathan) Want to come help? NATHAN: Yeah, the cake, right. (Haley and Nathan go into the Kitchen) NATHAN: I warned you, it was going to be intense. HALEY: Oh, insane is more like it. NATHAN: You know there's a door right there. We could sneak out, nobody would even notice. HALEY: Tempting. Um, so how often do your grandparents come into town? NATHAN: Couple times a year. Why? (Haley just nods) Haley, you've got that look. HALEY: What look? NATHAN: The look you get when you want to tell me something but you don't really want to tell me. HALEY: No I don't, and you shouldn't know that look yet. NATHAN: What is it? HALEY: Your grandfather came by the caf today. And he asked for Karen. NATHAN: He did? HALEY: Yeah. I just kind of got the feeling like they've been keeping in touch. NATHAN: Does Lucas know? HALEY: No, they've never even met. But your grandfather asked about him. NATHAN: That doesn't make any sense. My grandpa acts like my dad's a second coming, why would he visit Karen? HALEY: I don't know, I don't want to start anything, I'm just telling you. NATHAN: You know what? My family's so screwed up, nothing new would make a difference right now. Don't worry about it. [Lucas and Peyton in the car] LUCAS: You warm enough? PEYTON: I'm okay. I should probably get the heater fixed in here huh? LUCAS: You know I could have Keith take a look at it for you. I mean he's really good at that stuff. You want me to stop and get some coffee? PEYTON: I'm fine. Thanks. Thanks for doing this for me, Luke. LUCAS: It's what friends are for right? PEYTON: Yeah (They get to a draw bridge that is up with police and reflection barriers on it) PEYTON: Now what? (They stop and get out) LUCAS: (to a worker) What's going on? WORKER: Bridge is up cause of the storm. It'll be open in the morning. PEYTON: Alright we have an emergency, we have to get across the bridge. WORKER: I'm sorry Miss but it's not safe. LUCAS: Okay, um, is there another way through? WORKER: Only the ferries, but the channel's too rough so they're not running. PEYTON: Well what are we supposed to do? WORKER: Hopefully they'll be able to open the bridge in the morning. 6 a.m. There's a motel right down the road. Might want to grab yourselves a room before they're all gone. [Nathan's house] (Dan's blowing out candles) ROYAL: There you go! (every applauds when he finishes) So, Nate. How's your game this year? MAY: Here we go again. ROYAL: Just cover your ears, May, I just want to know how my grandson's doing on the team. DAN: Well I already told you, dad. ROYAL: No you didn't, you didn't tell me jack. And every time I mention it you change the damn subject. Now will somebody around here tell me what's going on? Nathan? Whitey? Anybody? WHITEY: Nathan I think you better take this one. NATHAN: I quit the team, alright? ROYAL: You quit the...what do you mean you quit the team? DAN: He didn't quit the team dad, he's just taking some time off. DEB: No, he's not. Please stop lying, Dan. ROYAL: Were you ever going to tell me this? I mean that's a hell of a thing to keep to yourself. NATHAN: Yeah you're one to talk. ROYAL: What's that supposed to mean? NATHAN: I know you visit Karen at the caf , alright? What's that about? HALEY: Nathan! ROYAL: That's none of your damn business. (looking at Haley) I guess somebody's got a big mouth. NATHAN: You shut up, Grandpa ROYAL: Don't you talk to me like that. DEB: Back off, Royal. I've had enough of your crap. Nathan is not the problem. MAY: Would someone please explain? DEB: Dan has been riding Nathan for the past 6 years about that damn game. DAN: Deb stop. DEB: Riding him so hard, that Nathan took drugs so that he could measure up. ROYAL: Drugs? DEB: Until he had to be rushed to the hospital. He could have died because of this insane pressure to put a ball through a hoop. But none of that is my sons fault, Royal. It's your sons. MAY: Danny. You of all people. How dare you! You know how much you hated it when your daddy bullied you to be better. ROYAL: I never bullied him. MAY: And when you wanted a way out, I gave you one. All these years. I protected you. I lied for you. And now you're doing the same thing to your son? ROYAL: What lie? What are you talking about? MAY: In college. His knee injury. It wasn't permanent. Danny quit. And I helped him. (everyone in shock) ROYAL: What do you mean he quit? DAN: It's not like that, dad. MAY: Oh stop it, Dan. It's time the truth came out. ROYAL: Will somebody tell me what in knee hell is going on here? MAY: You were on the road when Danny hurt his knee. So we lied. ROYAL: You told me it was degenerative knee condition... DAN: It was Dad, it was.. ROYAL: You looked me in the eye and told me that. MAY: Don't you see Royal? He was never going to be the star that you wanted him to be. You just couldn't see that. The boy had two choices. To fail in front of you or to quit. Either way he lost. ROYAL: So you just quit. Without even being man enough to own up to it. DAN: There's more to the story, dad. (Royal gets up from the table angry) You don't know the whole story! ROYAL: I've had enough NATHAN: Me too. Come on, Haley. I'll take you home HALEY: Thanks for dinner. WHITEY: Well I can show myself out. Thank you, May, Deb. Happy Birthday, Danny. (Leaves) MAY: Danny, don't you... DAN: Why? (leaves the table) MAY: Well, I guess I'll do the dishes. [Motel room] (Peyton and Lucas come in out of the rain) PEYTON: Alright lets just try to get some sleep, then we'll be at the bridge as soon as it opens up. What did he say? 6 a.m.? LUCAS: We'll be there at 5. (Peyton does a small laugh) What? PEYTON: We're in a hurry to find out if my dad's dead. It's just kind of surreal. LUCAS: Yeah, it's pretty messed up. PEYTON: You know how in dreams, you're always trying to get to some place you need to be but you never really get there? LUCAS: yeah PEYTON: I wish I could wake up. LUCAS: Maybe we should try to get some sleep. You think you can? (Peyton nods) Okay. (notices only one bed) I'll just sleep on the floor, alright? PEYTON: Don't be stupid (Lucas turns off the light and they lie down) LUCAS: Look, Peyton. I just wish there was something I could do, or say to help you through this. PEYTON: You already have. Thanks Lucas. LUCAS: Goodnight. (They both just stare at the ceiling) [Outside Haley's house] NATHAN: Sorry you had to see that HALEY: Oh it's okay. It helped me understand you. NATHAN: You know, growing up, there were just certain things that were just carved into stone. And the main one was that Dan Scott would have been a pro if he didn't blow out his knee. So, all this time, he just has been feeding me this line of crap about how great he would have been. And how I'd never be as good as him. @#%$. HALEY: At least you know the truth though, right? NATHAN: I just don't know what to do with it. HALEY: Okay, goodnight. (hugs him) NATHAN: Goodnight. HALEY: I'm here if you need me, okay? (kisses his cheek and starts to go inside) NATHAN: Hey, remember how I said "My family's so screwed up, nothing new would make a difference"? HALEY: Yeah NATHAN: I was wrong (smiles at her then walks to his car) [Nathan's house] (Nathan knocks and goes into his dad's office) DAN: You want to hear my side of it? NATHAN: Why should I believe it? This whole time you've been riding me you've known exactly the way I feel. Now that that's in my head it just makes it that much worse. DAN: I was a great player, Nathan. In high school. But when I got to Carolina, I knew it wasn't going to be the same. My dad couldn't see it though. It was hard on your grandmother too. So when I got hurt. She came to me and pleaded with me to walk away. She said it would be better for all of us. So I did. Worst decision of my life. It felt good to get out from underneath my father. And after a while I realized I wasn't playing for him at all. The game meant the world to me. I just never took the time to stand back and realize that. So I tried to get back into it. Rehab, running, weights. But it was too late. My knee never responded. It was over for me. NATHAN: So you think that somehow gives you the right to hammer me all the time. DAN: I know I push you. I know I'm hard on you. But I'm trying to save you from a life of regret. And Trust me, you don't want it. NATHAN: So then you make me feel like crap all the time. That really helps, dad. DAN: I could have been stronger. But I push you so you will be. So things will end up better for you than they did for me. NATHAN: Then you're safe, dad. There's no way I'm ever going to end up like you. (he leaves the room) [Motel Room] (Peyton's playing with a bracelet) LUCAS: Hey. PEYTON: Hey LUCAS: What you got? PEYTON: (Reading the engraving) 'To my heart, love Dad' He gave it to me on my last birthday. What if it's him Lucas? LUCAS: It's not gonna be PEYTON: Cause I don't know what I'd do. LUCAS: It's going to be okay PEYTON: I just keep trying to picture walking into that room and seeing him lying there. But I hit a wall. Why does it seem like every time things are finally going to be okay, something terrible happens? LUCAS: You don't know that it has. Keep him close to your heart, Peyton. Get some sleep, okay? (Peyton turns to face the other way. Lucas keeps looking at her) [Deb and Dan in the living room] (Dan walks in with pillows and blankets) DAN: You can sleep in the bedroom, I'll stay out here tonight. DEB: Has it ever once bothered your conscience that our entire relationship is based on your lie? When you were forced to walk away because of your so-called injury, I dropped out too. DAN: We both dropped out to raise Nathan. Don't rewrite history. DEB: Oh so you're the only one who can play that game? I thought I knew the man I was choosing to spend my life with. DAN: The injury was real, Deb. And yes, I decided not to rehab it, at first. By the time I changed my mind it was too late. I did it in service to you and Nathan. Now I know how you'd hold it against me for not telling you, but did you ever think that maybe I did it... to protect you from it all? DEB: If that's what you need to believe. DAN: It's the truth. DEB: The truth. In this house? (leaves the room) [Motel room] (Lucas walks in with food) PEYTON: What's all this? LUCAS: Oh, sorry I didn't mean to wake you. PEYTON: I wasn't asleep LUCAS: I hit the vending machines. Hungry? (throws her a soda) You should probably eat something. PEYTON: After my mom died, my dad couldn't cook. So, we lived on frozen pizzas for the longest time. I could live on pizza. He'd buy these cheese pizzas, and then put his own toppings on. Pickles, bologna, pineapple, whatever. LUCAS: That's nasty. PEYTON: No actually they were really good. I think he did it mostly just to make me laugh. You know it would help me forget for a little bit. (Alarm clock goes off; 4:45) LUCAS: You ready? PEYTON: No. Let's go. (they both leave.. don't take any of the food) [Scott Kitchen-morning] DEB: Morning MAY: Morning. Scrambled or fried? What do you think? DEB: I think nobody's going to be that hungry. MAY: I'm glad you stood up to Royal the way you did, Deb. I didn't mean to hurt Dan but, this lying over the years has gotten so tiresome I did what I thought I had to do to save my son. DEB: That's what we do. I'm glad you spoke up. (Dan walks in) MAY: Dan. Son, you know, someday you're going to realize I did you a favor. Your daddy's going to get over this eventually. But if you let history repeat itself, your son may not. DAN: I'm going for a run. MAY: Oh well. I think I'll scramble the eggs. DEB: Yeah [Scott House] (Nathan coming downstairs passed Royal) ROYAL: Listen, Nathan, whatever you're going through, I'm sorry about your dad. NATHAN: I understand why he did it, grandpa. He must have really loved you, you know that? Cause anything seemed better than disappointing you. [Coroner's Office] (Peyton, Lucas and a doctor stand next to the body under a sheet; Peyton nods for him to lift off the sheet) PEYTON: (looking away) It's not him. (turns into Lucas' chest) [Outside Coroner's Office] LUCAS: you did good. PEYTON: I felt like my chest was going to explode. (Lucas calls Brooke) BROOKE: Peyton's place LUCAS: Hey its me BROOKE: Hey I was just dialing you, that's freaky. LUCAS: Well it's good news. BROOKE: Yeah I know I just got off the phone with the coast guard, they made contact with his boat, he's fine. LUCAS: (to Peyton) They found your dad, he's okay. (Peyton hugs him) (to Brooke) Alright we're headed home. BROOKE: Okay I'm waiting. Love you LUCAS: Alright you too. Bye. PEYTON: Oh my God, that's...wait. LUCAS: What? PEYTON: (Feeling her wrist) My bracelet, I must have left it in the motel. LUCAS: Alright lets go. [Haley's room] (She's at the computer, Nathan walks in) NATHAN: Hey HALEY: Hey NATHAN: Grandma's making breakfast. Show starts at 9. You in? HALEY: Um, as fun as last night was, I think I'm going to pass. You know, I've been thinking. Now that you know the truth about your dad, you're free, right? I mean, he's been lying to you all this time. You don't have to listen to him anymore. There's no more pressure. NATHAN: Yeah I wish that were true. HALEY: What do you mean? NATHAN: My dad walked away, and his father will never forgive him for that. I have to go back. HALEY: Nathan, I... NATHAN: I have to beat him. Haley, it's the only way I'm ever going to be free of my dad. (leaves the room) [Motel] PEYTON: It has to be in here. (Pulls down the bed and finds it) LUCAS: Got it? (Peyton starts crying) Hey, it's okay. Everything's okay now, okay? (They hug then look at each other. Peyton kisses him and he quickly kisses back. Lucas takes off her jacket, then his. Peyton sits on the bed and Lucas takes off her top shirt. He lays her down and kisses her stomach then takes off his shirt. He starts kissing her neck but her hair gets caught in his necklace) PEYTON: Ow. Ow. My hair. LUCAS: Sorry. (Peyton unclasps his necklace) PEYTON: There. (starts to untangle her hair) LUCAS: Brooke PEYTON: What? LUCAS: Brooke gave me that necklace. You know we, um...we probably should get going. PEYTON: Yeah LUCAS: Okay [Scott's house-breakfast on the patio] (Keith, Dan, Deb, May, Royal, and Nathan) ROYAL: (breaking the silence) How's business, Keith? KEITH: It's pretty steady. ROYAL: Good. I know I rib you a lot son, but I hope you know I think you're a good man. KEITH: That's great, dad. The first nice thing you say to me and its really just to dig at Dan. ROYAL: Now son... MAY: Please, could we just eat our breakfast? Dan, you forgot to open your presents. (puts a wrapped box in front of him) This is from your dad and me. DAN: Oh, okay. What's this? (Pulls out a quilt with all his basketball things sewn into it) MAY: It's a quilt. A lady in Orlando made it. We still had all your old basketball stuff and I just couldn't bring myself to throw them out. You see son, you still have a lot to be proud of. [Deb and Dan in the Kitchen] DAN: It's almost over, Deb. DEB: Thank God for that. DAN: Look, after all that has happened I want to thank you for not throwing gas on the fire. You okay? DEB: No, no, Dan I'm not. And we're not. All this pretending and lying, I can't really hold it against you DAN: Deb... DEB: Because I realized all these years, I've been doing it too. [Peyton and Lucas driving] LUCAS: Peyton I... PEYTON: Don't. It was stupid. Okay? You're with Brooke now. LUCAS: Yeah. PEYTON: We just got carried away. It didn't mean anything. LUCAS: It didn't? PEYTON: Of course it did. (They look at each other then look out) [Scott house] (May and Royal are saying Goodbye; May hugging Deb; Royal getting in without talking to Dan; They drive off; Deb takes Dan's hand off her shoulder and walks away.) KEITH: See you later (he leaves) (Dan walks away, then Nathan) [Inside school] (Haley sees Nathan in his practice jersey and they just look at each other with blank looks, then he walks away) [Peyton's house] (Brooke runs outside as Peyton and Lucas pull up) BROOKE: (Hugging Peyton) It's okay. (Hugs Lucas) Hey you. (Lucas and Peyton make eye contact for a second and he follows the girls inside)

After Peyton receives the devastating news that her father is lost at sea, she and Lucas take an overnight trip to Hilton Head to identify a body that has washed ashore. Overcome with emotion, Peyton kisses Lucas. Meanwhile, an unexpected visit from Dan's parents leaves the Scott family in turmoil, as numerous family secrets are revealed at Dan's birthday dinner. This episode is named after a song by Gameface.

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fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_02x07_0

Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Sunnydale Park after dusk. The playground is deserted. The carousel slowly turns, and the swings move in the light evening breeze. The only person there is a boy sitting on the jungle gym, waiting for his ride home. James: C'mon, Mom. She's always late. The camera pans around him until Drusilla can be seen slowly walking toward him from behind. Drusilla: Are you lost? James: (looks back at her) No. My mom's just supposed to pick me up is all. (climbs out of the gym) Drusilla: Do you want me to walk you home? James: No, thank you. Drusilla: (touches the gym) My mummy used to sing me to sleep at night. (slowly walks around the gym as she sings) Run and catch / The lamb is caught in the blackberry patch... She had the sweetest voice. What will your mummy sing when they find your body? James: (looks at her nervously) I'm not supposed to talk to people. Drusilla: Oh. Well, I'm not a person, see, so that's just... Angel suddenly steps between her and the boy. Angel: (to the boy, sternly) Run home. The boy only hesitates for a moment before running off. Drusilla watches him run away in dismay. Angel takes a breath and turns around to face her. Drusilla: My Angel! Angel: Hello, Drusilla. Drusilla: (slowly approaches) Do you remember the song mummy used to sing me? Pretty. Angel: I remember. Drusilla: (senses) Yes, you do. Angel: Drusilla, leave here. I'm offering you that chance. Take Spike and get out. Drusilla: Or you'll hurt me? Angel looks down at the ground. Drusilla: (senses) No. No, you can't. Not anymore. Angel: If you don't leave it'll go badly. For all of us. Drusilla: My dear boy's gone all away, hasn't he? To her. Cut to the roof of the building across the street from the park. Angel: Who? Buffy walks along the roof keeping watch. Drusilla: The girl. The Slayer. Buffy senses something and heads for the edge of the roof. Cut to the park. Drusilla: Your heart stinks of her. (puts her hand on his chest) Poor little thing. (cut to Buffy) She has no idea what's in store. Buffy looks over the edge and sees them standing close together. She can overhear. Angel: This can't go on, Drusilla. It's gotta end. She tilts her head and reaches up for a kiss. Drusilla: Oh, no, my pet. This is just the beginning. She pulls away without kissing and gives him an evil smile. She keeps her head turned to him as she slowly walks away. Buffy swallows at what she sees. Angel watches Drusilla go for another moment, then turns to leave also. Buffy steps away from the edge of the roof and runs off. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School the next morning. Jenny: It's a secret! Cut inside. Jenny and Giles come down the stairs. Giles: What kind of a secret? Jenny: Uh, the kind that's secret. You know, where I don't actually tell you what it is. Giles: I think it's customary that when two people are going out on an evening that they, they both have an idea of where they're going. Jenny: Oh, come on! Where is your sense of adventure? Giles: Well, I, I... Uh, how will I know what to wear? Jenny: (looks at his tweed suit) Do you own anything else? Giles: Uh, w-well, not as such, no, um... Jenny: (laughs) Rupert, you're gonna have to trust me. Giles: Alright, alright, I p-put myself in your hands. Jenny: That sounds like fun. (starts on her way) Okay, tomorrow night, 7:30, right? Giles: Yes. Buffy comes up to him as Jenny leaves. Buffy: Hey. Giles: Hello. (they start to the library) Um, did we hunt last night? Buffy: I did a couple quick sweeps downtown. Giles: Any encounters? Buffy: Nothing vampirey. Giles: Uh, I've been researching your friend Spike. Uh, the profile is fairly unappetizing. But I-I still haven't got a bead on why he's here. Buffy: You'll figure it out. Giles: You alright? You seem a little glum. Buffy: I'm fine. They stop outside the library. Giles: Why don't you take the night off? Buffy: Okay. That'd be nice. Giles: Yes. You could spend some time with Angel. Buffy: I don't know. He might have other plans. She walks off to class. Giles wonders what that was all about. Cut to class. Buffy opens a note from Willow. Note: Do you know who she was? Boy: Well, it seems like Louis XVI was just sort of a weak king. Buffy and Willow glance at each other. Buffy starts to write an answer to the note. Teacher: That's fair enough. Uh, any other impressions? The camera pans forward to Cordelia sitting in front of Buffy. Xander is across from her in front of Willow, and looks over at Cordelia with his head propped up on his fist. Cordelia: I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. Buffy has finished her answer to Willow's note. Answer: No Dark hair Old dress pretty Cordelia: And I know the peasants were all depressed... Xander: I think you mean 'oppressed'. Cordelia: Whatever. They were cranky. Buffy folds the note and hands it back to Willow. Cordelia: So they're, like, 'Let's lose some heads'. Uhhh! That's fair. And, and Marie Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake! The camera pans over to Willow finishing another note. Teacher: Yes, well, that's a very interesting perspective. Willow hands Buffy the note. Teacher: Um, would anyone else like to comment? Buffy opens the note. Note: Vampire? The bell rings. Cut to the hall. Buffy, Willow and Xander come out of class. Buffy: I don't know. I don't think so. They seemed pretty friendly. Xander: Who's friendly? Buffy: No one. Willow: Angel and a girl. Buffy: Willow, do we have to be in total share mode? Xander: Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing somethin' wrong, I wanna know. 'Cause it gives me a happy! (smiles) They head into the lounge. Buffy: Mm, I'm glad someone has a happy. Xander: Aw, you just need cheering up. And I know just the thing! (does a wild move) Crazed dance party at the Bronze! Buffy: I dunno. (crosses her arms, depressed) Xander: Very calm dance party at the Bronze? (Buffy gives him a glum look) Moping at the Bronze. He sits on a couch next to Willow. Ford walks up the steps behind Buffy. Ford: I'd suggest a box of Oreos dunked in apple juice, but maybe she's over that phase. Buffy uncrosses her arms and turns around. Buffy: Ford? Ford: Hey, Summers! They embrace. Ford: How ya been? Buffy: Oh, my God! What are you doing here? They let go and hold both hands. Ford: Uh, matriculating. Buffy: Huh? Ford: I'm finishing out my senior year at Sunnydale High. Dad got transferred. Buffy: This is great! Ford: I'm glad you think so. Xander is not pleased. Ford: I didn't think you'd remember me. Buffy: Remember you? Duh! We only went to school together for seven years. You were my giant fifth grade crush. Xander: So! You two know each other. Buffy: Oh! (turns to Xander and Willow) I'm sorry. Um, this is Ford! Uh, Billy Fordham, this is Xander and Willow! Buffy and Ford go to sit on the other couch. Xander: Hi. Ford: Hey. Willow: Nice to meet you! Buffy: Uh, Ford and I went to Hemery together in L.A. (to Ford) And now you're here. For real? Ford: Dad got the transfer, and boom, he just dragged me outta Hemery and put me down here. Buffy: This is great! Well, I mean, it's hard, sudden move, all your friends, delicate time, very emotional, but let's talk about me! (puts her hand on his knee) This is great! Willow: (smiles) So, you two were sweeties in fifth grade? Buffy: Not even. Ford wouldn't give me the time of day. Ford: Well, I was a manly sixth-grader. I couldn't bother with someone that young. Buffy: It was terrible. I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song 'I Touch Myself'. She realizes how what she just said could be taken and casts a nervous look at Xander and Willow. Buffy: Of course, I had no idea what it was about. Ford nervously scratches his temple with his finger. Xander just smiles and nods. Buffy: (to Ford) Hey, are you busy tonight? We're going to the Bronze, it's the local club, and you have to come. Ford: I'd love to! But if you guys already had plans... Would I be imposing? Xander: No, only in the literal sense. Ford: Okay, then! I, I gotta find the admissions office, (gets up) uh, get my papers in order. Buffy: Well, you know what, (gets up) I'll take you there, and I'll see you guys in French! (takes Ford's arm) Ford: It was good to meet you. (they go) Xander smiles at them until they've gone. Next to him Willow has a thoughtful look on her face. Xander: (sarcastically) This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends! Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys? Willow: (realizes) Oh, that's what that song is about?! Cut to the Bronze. Xander, Willow and Ford are playing pool. Ford sinks his shot and sets up for another as Buffy arrives at the table. Buffy: Ford! You made it. Ford: Wasn't hard to find. Willow: Buffy, Ford was just telling us about the ninth grade beauty contest, and the, uh, swimsuit competition. Buffy: Oh, my God, Ford, stop that! The more people you tell, the more people I have to kill. Ford: You can't touch me, Summers. I know all your darkest secrets. Xander: Care to make a small wager on that? Buffy: I'm gonna go get a drink. Ford, try not to talk. She heads for the bar and finds Angel there. Buffy: Hi. Angel: Hey! I was hoping you'd show. Buffy: (sees he has a drink) You drink! I mean, drinks. Non-blood things. Angel: There's a lot about me you don't know. Buffy: I believe that. Cut to the pool table. They're racking them up. Ford sees Buffy with Angel. Willow: That's Angel. Xander: He's Buffy's beau. (sarcastically) Her special friend. Ford: He's not in school, right? He looks older than her. Xander: You're not wrong. Cut to the bar. Buffy: So. What'd you do last night? Angel: Nothin'. Buffy: Nothing at all. You ceased to exist? Angel: No, I mean I stayed in, read. Buffy: Oh. She goes back to the pool table without another word. Angel stands there confused for a moment, then follows her. Ford: Didn't want that soda after all? Buffy: Not thirsty. Willow: Hey, Angel. Ford: Hi. Buffy: (turns to Angel) This is Ford. We went to school together in L.A. Angel: Nice to meet you. (shakes Ford's hand) Ford: Whoa! Cold hands! Xander: You're not wrong. Buffy gives Xander a look. Angel: So, you're here visiting Buffy? Ford: No, I'm actually here to stay. Just moved down. Willow: Hey, Angel? Do you wanna play? Buffy: Y'know, it's getting really crowded in here tonight. Um... I'm a little hot. (to Ford) You wanna take a walk? Ford: Um, sure! That'd be nice. Buffy: Okay, then, um... (to the others) I'll see ya tomorrow. (leads Ford out past Angel) Angel: Good night. Ford: Take care. Xander: Okay, once more with tension. Angel: He just moved here? Xander: Yeah. And, boy, does he move fast. Willow: Well, Angel, we could still play. She moves the rack into position, and when she looks back up Angel is gone. Willow: See, you made him do that thing where he's gone. Xander dismisses her comment and gets ready to break. Cut outside to the alley. Buffy and Ford stroll slowly along. Ford: So, that was your boyfriend? Buffy: No. Uh, yeah. Maybe. Could we lay off the tough questions for a while? Ford: Sorry. So! What else do you do for fun around here? She hears noises coming from around the corner and suspects a vampire. Buffy: Um, my purse. I-I, I left my purse at the Bronze. Uh, could you get it for me? Ford: Uh, okay. (heads back) Buffy: Good. Run! Thanks! He starts to jog. A second later she starts running in the opposite direction and around the corner. Ford looks back and stops when he sees she's gone. He can hear a woman crying. He starts to walk back. When he's almost there a woman comes running around the corner and past him. He continues on, and is startled by a metal trashcan flying in front of him and into a stack of crates. He can hear punching and grunting. He sees someone hit the pavement face first. He peeks around the corner and sees a vampire get up and take a swing at Buffy. She ducks the punch and kicks the vampire in the face. The vampire swings again, and Buffy grabs his fist and holds on while she punches him in the face. Ford watches as she pulls out a stake and thrusts it into the vampire's chest. He staggers back into the wall and explodes into ashes. Ford: What's goin' on? Buffy is surprised and spins around to face him. Buffy: Um... uh, there was a, a cat. A cat here, and, um, then there was a-another cat... and they fought. The cats. And... then they left. Ford: Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire. Buffy: What? Whating a what? Ford: I know, Buffy. You don't have to lie. I-I've been trying to figure out the right time to, to tell you. I know you're the Slayer. Buffy is taken aback. Cut to later in Willow's room. She's on the phone with Buffy. Willow: Just like that he told you? Buffy: Just like that. (cut to her room) Said he found out right before I got booted from Hemery. Willow: Wow! (cut to her) It's neat! Is it neat? Buffy: (cut to her) Yeah, I guess it is. I don't have to constantly worry that he's gonna find out my dark secret. It just makes everything easier. Cut to an alley. Ford is heading for the Sunset Club. He knocks on a heavy metal door, and the viewport opens. It closes and the door opens to let him in. Cut inside. A welder is cutting the knob off of the inside door. Ford goes down the stairs to the main area. Dark gothic music sets the mood, and everyone is dressed in black and pale makeup. "Never Land", by The Sisters of Mercy, is playing. Lyrics: I had a face on the mirror / I had a hand on the gun Diego meets him at the base of the stairs. Diego: Ford? Hi, Ford? Ford: Hey! Diego: Well, how'd it go? Ford: It went good. Diego: Good? That's, that's it? That's all we know? Well, when are we... Ford: (interrupts) Soon. Diego: Oh, soon, okay. Y'know, you could gimme a little more information here. I'm trusting you. I'm out on a limb here. Not to mention the lease is almost up on this place. Who's gonna cover that? Ford: Marvin... Diego: Diego! C'mon, man, it's Diego now. Ford: Diego. (takes out a pill) Ritalin. Everything's gonna be fine. He pops the pill as Chantarelle comes over and hands him a drink. Ford: Just make sure you're ready when I say. True believers only. Chantarelle: (smiles) I can't wait! Diego: Right, whatever, I still think I should be in on the plan. Ford: Diego, you gotta trust me. He sees a scene from a Jack Palance vampire movie playing on the TV. TV: Alright. Ford: A couple more days and we'll get to do the two things every American teen should have the chance to do: die young, and stay pretty. He looks spaced out as he mouths the words of Jack Palance in the movie. Jack: So... You play your wits against mine. Me, who commanded armies hundreds of years before you were born. Fools! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Willow's room. It's neat and clean and everything is in place just so, except for some clothes on her bed. She's in her nightshirt brushing her hair. There is a knocking on her balcony door, which catches her off guard. She drops her brush on the bed, goes to the door and pushes the blinds apart to see who it is. Willow: Oh! (opens the door) Angel! What are you doing here? Angel: I wanted to talk to you. Willow: (looks around) Oh, well... She gestures for him to come in, but he just stays standing there. Willow: Well? Angel: I can't. Unless you invite me, I can't come in. Willow: Oh! (nervous) Well, okay, I invite you. To come in. She turns around as he comes in, and a look of horror appears on her face when she sees her bra just lying there on her bed out in the open. She quickly rushes over, grabs it and stashes it. Angel: I-if this is a bad time, I... Willow: No! I just... I'm not supposed to have boys in my room. Angel: I promise to behave myself. Willow: (still nervous) Okay. Good. Angel: I guess I need help. Willow: Help? You mean like on homework? No, 'cause you're old and you already know stuff. Angel: I want you to track someone down. On the 'Net. (eyes her laptop) Willow: (smiles) Oh! Great! I'm so the 'Net girl. (goes to sit at her desk) Angel: I just wanna find everything I can. Records, affiliates, I'm not even sure what I'm looking for yet. Willow: (types) Good. What's the name? Angel: Billy Fordham. Willow: Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don't wanna hear, (faces him) do you promise not to bite me? Angel: Are you gonna tell me that I'm jealous? Willow: Well, you do sometimes get that way. Angel: You know, I never used to. (sits on her bed) Things used to be pretty simple. (Willow types) A hundred years, just hanging out, feelin' guilty... I really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. (Willow faces him again) Yeah, I get jealous. But I know people. And my gut tells me this is a wrong guy. Willow: (nods) Okay. (turns back to the laptop) But if there isn't anything weird... Hey, that's weird. Angel: What? Willow: I just checked the school records, and he's not in them. (Angel stands up) I mean, usually they transfer your grades and stuff, but he's not even registered. Angel: He said he was in school with you guys, right? Willow: Let me just see if I can... Mrs. Rosenberg: (off camera) Willow? Are you still up? Willow: (gets up) (to Angel) Ack! Go! (to her mom) Iiiiiii'm just going to bed now, mom! Angel goes back out onto the balcony. Willow holds the door. Willow: Come by tomorrow at sunset. I'll keep looking. Angel: Don't tell Buffy what we're doing, alright? Willow: You want me to lie to her? It's Buffy! Angel: Just don't bring it up until we know what's what. Willow: Okay. I-it's probably nothing. Angel: That'd be nice. She closes the door and frets a bit, nervous about what she has to do. Cut to the school the next day. Cut inside to a hall near a drinking fountain. Buffy and Ford come into the hall from outside. Willow wants to get a drink. Buffy: Willow! Willow doesn't even press the button on the fountain before immediately turning around, hoping to get away. She realizes she'd never be able to get away with it, and so turns to face them. She fidgets nervously with her hands. Buffy: What's up? Willow: Nothing. Buffy: Do you wanna hang? We're cafeteria-bound. Willow: (jumpy) I-I-I'm gonna do work in the computer lab on school work that I have, so I cannot hang just now. Hi, Ford. Ford: Morning. Buffy: Okay, Will, fess up. Willow: What? Buffy: Are you drinking coffee again? 'Cause we've talked about this. Willow is surprised and happy that an explanation for her nervousness has presented itself, and laughs out loud. Willow: It makes me jumpy. I have to go. Away. (hurries off) Buffy is taken aback. Ford: Nice girl! Buffy: There aren't two of those in the world. Giles meets them in he hall. Giles: Buffy! Um... Yes, uh... (sets down his briefcase and searches his pockets) Ms. Calendar and I are going... somewhere tonight, and she's given, (finds the slip of paper) oh, given me the number of her beeper thingy, uh, in case you need me for, um... (eyes Ford) study help, uh, suddenly. (picks up his briefcase) Buffy: He knows, Giles. Giles: What? Buffy: Ford (indicates him) knows I'm the Slayer. Ford: I know. Giles: Oh! Uh, very good, yes. Uh, um, Buffy... (leads Buffy aside) (to Ford) Excuse me. (aside to Buffy) You are not, by any chance, betraying your secret identity just to impress, um, cute boys, are you? Buffy: (smiles) I didn't tell him. He knew. Giles: Oh! Uh, right then. Well, uh, just remember, if you... Buffy: Go! Experience this thing called fun. I'll try not to have a crisis. Giles accepts that and heads back to his library. Cut outside the school at night. Buffy and Ford are strolling along. Buffy: And on your right, once again, the beautiful campus. I think you've now seen everything there is to see in Sunnydale. Ford: Well, it's... really... Buffy: Feel free to say dull. Ford: Okay. Dull's good. (sees two vampires running) Or maybe not so dull. (Buffy sees them, too) Is that more vampires? Buffy: Must be the weather. She pulls out a stake and a cross, and hands the cross to Ford. He takes it and reaches into his back pocket to pull out a stake of his own. He smiles and waves it about. Buffy: Stay close to me. She hops up the steps the vampires just ran up and cautiously looks around. Ford is close behind, cross and stake held ready. She looks around a corner and sees nothing. Ford: Maybe they were just passing through. Buffy: (turns around) I don't think so. A blonde female vampire grabs her from behind and tries to bite. Ford takes a startled step back. Buffy does a high kick into her face, then grabs her by the arm and flips her over onto her back. A male vampire rushes her and grabs her, pulling her over a railing with him. She lands in a crouch on the grass below and gets up while the vampire rolls to his feet. She kicks him in the jaw, making him fall backward. Ford looks down at his stake and cross and then glances at the fight a moment before quickly approaching the other vampire and holding the cross in her face and the stake up and ready. She hisses at him. Ford: You've got one chance to live. Tell me what I wanna know, and I'll let you go. Below Buffy knocks the vampire out with a punch to the face and stakes him. She runs back up the stairs to Ford, who's crouched where the vampire was. Buffy: Where's the other one? Ford: I killed her. (coughs) I, I killed her and she just turned to dust. It was... amazing! Buffy raises her eyebrows in surprise. Cut to Xander, Willow and Angel walking down the alley to the Sunset Club. Willow: The only thing I could track down was this address. The Sunset Club. Still didn't find anything incriminating. Angel: He leaves no paper trail, no records, that's incriminating enough. Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one. Angel: Could you *not* call me that? He knocks on the door. The viewport opens and the doorman looks out. Angel: We're friends of Ford's. The doorman nods. Cut inside. They walk in through the inside door and look around. It's gloomy in the extreme. Willow: (wearing a colorfully striped shirt) Boy, we blend right in. Xander: In no way do we stick out like sore thumbs. Angel: Let's look around. You guys check out downstairs. Xander: Sure thing, Bossy the cow! (they start down) Willow: Okay, but do they really stick out? Xander: What? Willow: Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, 'Wow! That baby is sore!' Xander: You have too many thoughts. Willow is a bit hurt by that. Angel looks down from the balcony and continues around. "Reptile", by Creaming Jesus, is playing. Lyrics: The one hungry life / My life with the other Willow and Xander walk by a man standing in a coffin dressed as a movie vampire. Man: (waves) Hi! Xander waves back and looks around more. Xander: Are you probably noticing a theme here? Willow: As in 'Vampires! Yay!'? Xander: That's the one. Chantarelle gets up and comes up behind them. Chantarelle: You guys are newbies. I can tell. Willow: (turns to face her) Oh, no. We come here all the time. Chantarelle: Don't be ashamed! It's cool that you're open to it. We welcome anyone who's interested in the Lonely Ones. Angel comes down the stairs behind them. Willow: The Lonely Ones? Angel: Vampires. Xander: Oh! We usually call them the nasty, pointy, bitey ones. Chantarelle: So many people have that misconception. But they who walk with the night are not interested in harming anyone. They are creatures above us. Exalted! Angel: You're a fool. Xander gives him a look. Chantarelle: You don't have to be so confrontational about it. Other viewpoints than yours may be valid, you know. (goes away) Willow: Nice meeting you. They turn to Angel. Xander: You really are a people person. Willow: Now nobody's gonna talk to us. Angel: I've seen enough. I've seen this type before. I mean, they're children making up bedtime stories of friendly vampires to comfort themselves in the dark. Willow: Is that so bad? I mean, the dark can get pretty dark. Sometimes you need a story. Angel: These people don't know anything about vampires. What they are, how they live, how they dress... A young man dressed exactly like Angel comes down the stairs behind him and looks him up and down before continuing on. Angel clears his throat. They start up the stairs to get out of the club. Xander: You know, I love a good diatribe. But I'm still curious why Ford, the bestest friend of the Slayer, is hanging with a bunch of vampire wannabes. Willow: Something's up with him, you're right about that. Diego overheard them and watches them go. The girl talking to him is confused about his reaction. Girl: Are you okay? Cut to the library. Buffy comes in followed by Jenny and Giles. Buffy: Sorry to beep you guys in the middle of... stuff, but it seemed really weird. Giles: No, you did the right thing. Absolutely. Jenny: (stops in her tracks) You hated it that much? Giles: No! But, but, uh, vampires on campus is, could have implications. Very, very grave... Jenny: You coulda just said something. Giles: Uh, honestly, I, I've always, I've always been interested in, in, uh, monster trucks. Buffy: You took him to monster trucks? Jenny: I thought it would be a change! Giles: It was a change. Jenny: Look, we could've just left. Giles: Wha-what, and miss the nitro-burning funny cars? No, couldn't have that. Buffy: Okay, can we get back on the vampire tip here? These guys were here with a purpose. Giles: Yes, yes, and, uh, we must, uh, ascertain what that purpose is. Jenny: Where's your friend? Buffy: I sent him home. Giles: (sits at the table) Oh, uh, good. Yes, the less he's involved in all this, the safer he'll be. Buffy: He did bag a vamp his first time out. Giles takes an open book from on top of another and exposes an old picture of Drusilla. Buffy: Gotta give him credit for... (notices the picture) that. Jenny: Something wrong? Buffy: (picks up the picture) Who's this? Giles: Um, she's called Drusilla, a sometime paramour of Spike's. She was killed by an angry mob in Prague. Buffy: Well, they don't make angry mobs like they used to, 'cause this girl's alive. I saw her with Angel. Giles: (taken aback) With Angel? Jenny: Isn't he supposed to be a good guy? Buffy: (puts the picture back down) Yeah. He is. Jenny: I think maybe we need to read up on this nice lady. Giles: (gets up and heads for his office) Well, some of my new volumes may be more helpful. Uh, my own research is... The blonde vampire runs into him as she runs from his office. Jenny draws a startled breath. Buffy comes to Giles' aid, but is knocked to the floor underneath him when the vampire gives him a hard shove. She jumps up onto the table and leaps over the mezzanine railing, making her escape through the stacks. Jenny helps Giles and Buffy up. Jenny: Are you guys okay? Giles: A book! It took one of my books! Jenny: Well, at least someone in this school is reading. Buffy: He said he killed it. That's the vampire Ford said he killed. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla is talking to her bird as the camera pans around the cage. Drusilla: You sing the sweetest little song. Won't you sing for me, hmm? Don't you love me anymore? The bird is lying dead at the bottom of the cage. Spike comes into the room behind Drusilla. Spike: Darling! I heard a funny thing just now. Lucius tells me that you went out on a hunt the other night. Drusilla: My tummy was growly. And you were out. (to the bird) Come on. (whistles) I'll pout if you don't sing. Spike: (puts his arms around her) You, um, meet anyone? Anyone interesting? Like Angel? Drusilla: Angel. Spike: Yeah. So... (kisses her forehead) What might you guys have talked about, then? Old times? Childhood pranks? It's a little off, you two so friendly, him being the enemy and all that. Drusilla: (to the bird) I'll give you a seed if you sing. Spike: The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead, just like the last one. Drusilla cowers and whines. Spike: Oh, I'm sorry baby. I'm a bad, rude man. I just don't like you goin' out, that's all. You are weak. (takes her hand) Would you like a new bird? One that's not dead? (sucks on her finger) Ford: This is so cool! Spike looks up to see him standing among some crates. Ford: I would totally live here. Spike: (loudly) Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security, people. Are you all asleep? (walks toward Ford) Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers? Ford: I know who you are. Spike: Yeah, I know who I am, too. So what? Ford: I came looking for you, Spike. You are Spike, right? William the Bloody? Spike: You've got a real death wish. It's almost interesting. The blonde vampire comes in, walks up to Spike and hands him the book she stole. Spike begins to leaf through it. Spike: Oh, this is great. This'll be very useful. (to Ford) So, how did you find me? Ford: That doesn't matter. I've got something to offer you. I-I'm pretty sure this is the part where you take out a watch and say I've got thirty seconds to convince you not to kill me? (smiles) It's traditional. Spike: Well, (slams the book and strides to Ford) I don't go much for tradition. He grabs Ford by the ear and lifts him. Drusilla: Wait, love. Ford is in obvious pain, but doesn't scream. Drusilla puts her hand on Spikes's shoulder, and he lets go. Spike: Well? Ford: Oh, c'mon! Say it! It's no fun if you don't say it. Spike: What? Oh. (rolls his eyes and bobs his head) You've got thirty seconds to convince me not to kill you. Ford: Yes! See, this is the best! I wanna be like you. A vampire. Spike: I've known you for two minutes, and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you livin' forever. (to Drusilla) Can I eat him now, love? Drusilla shakes her head. Ford: Well, feature this: I'm offering you a trade. (Spike turns back) You make me a vampire, and I give you the Slayer. Ford has their undivided attention. Spike smiles. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The kitchen at the Summers house. Buffy is nursing a cup of coffee. Angel slowly pushes the door open. Angel: Buffy. May I come in? Buffy: (looks up) Sure. I thought once you were invited you could always just walk in. Angel: I can. I was just being polite. (closes the door) We need to talk. Buffy: Do we? (picks up her coffee and heads into the dining room) Angel: It's about your friend Ford. He's not what he seems. Buffy: Who is these days? Angel: Willow ran him down on the computer. Buffy: Willow? Angel: We found this address, we checked it out with Xander, and it turned out... Buffy: (disbelieving) And Xander? Wow. Everybody's in. It's like a great big exciting conspiracy. Angel: What are you talking about? Buffy: I'm talking about the people I trust. Who's Drusilla? Angel lowers his eyes, seeing he's been caught in a lie. Buffy: And don't lie to me. I'm tired of it. Angel: Some lies are necessary. Buffy: For what? Angel: Sometimes the truth is worse. You live long enough, you find that out. Buffy: I can take it. I can take the truth. Angel: Do you love me? Buffy: What? Angel: Do you? She takes a moment to consider her answer. Buffy: I love you. I don't know if I trust you. Angel: Maybe you shouldn't do either. (turns away) Buffy: Maybe I'm the one who should decide! Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. (turns back, but doesn't make eye contact) Drusilla was the worst. She was... an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste... Buffy: And you made her a vampire. Angel: First I made her insane. (looks at her) Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. (Buffy looks away) She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon. Buffy: Well. I asked for the truth. Angel: Ford's part of some society that reveres vampires. Practically worships them. I don't know what he wants from you, but you can't trust him. Fade to black. Cut to school the next day. Buffy walks up some stairs to the quad. Ford meets her there. The camera circles them as they talk. Ford: Buffy! Buffy: Ford. Ford: I had a great time last night. Well, an interesting time. Buffy: (arms crossed) I'm glad. Ford: Do you wanna go out again tonight? Buffy: Not busy. Ford: I sort of had an idea. It's a... It's a secret. Kinda wanna surprise you. Buffy: I like surprises. Ford: Can you meet me here? Buffy: Sure. Ford: At nine? Buffy: At nine. Ford: (smiles) It's gonna be fun! (walks off) Buffy just stands there for a moment before uncrossing her arms and continuing on her way. Cut to later at the stairs in the hall. Xander and Willow are sitting on the steps. Buffy comes down behind them. Willow: (gets up) Buffy! Buffy doesn't really want to face her, but does. Willow: Did, uh, Angel... Buffy: He told me everything. Willow: I'm sorry we kept stuff from you. Buffy: It's okay. (smiles weakly) Willow: When Angel came to my room he was just really concerned for you, and we didn't wanna say anything in case we were wrong. Xander: Did you find out what Ford is up to? Buffy: I will. (walks off) Willow and Xander sadly watch her go. After a moment something clicks in Xander's head. Xander: Angel was in your bedroom? Willow: (nods) Ours is a forbidden love. Cut to the Sunset Club. Chantarelle is sitting and drumming her fingers. Diego paces nervously. The camera pans up to Ford coming down the stairs. Ford: (ignoring Diego) Chantarelle. Is everything ready? Diego: Of course. It's ready. (trying to get Ford's attention) Hi, I took care of it. I always take care of it. Chantarelle: Is it time? Tonight? Ford: You nervous? (pours goblets of wine) Chantarelle: Yes. No. I'm ready for the change. Do you really think they'll bless us? Ford: (takes a goblet and hands her the other) I know they will. He smiles at Chantarelle. She smiles back. Ford: Everything's falling into place. (takes a sip of wine) Diego: What about your friends? Are they comin'? Ford: What are you talking about? Diego: Your friends. They came. Last night. Two guys and a girl. Chantarelle: One was mean. Ford: Oh, Christ! Why didn't you tell me about this? Diego: I have to do everything around here. Sorry, Mr. Flawless Plan Guy, it slipped my mind. Chantarelle: It's gonna be alright, isn't it? Ford winces in pain and puts his fingertips to his forehead. Chantarelle: They're not gonna let us down? Ford: (the pain passes) It's gonna be fine. Chantarelle: I need them to bless me. Ford: It's gonna be fine! Buffy: No. They all look at her at the top of the stairs. Buffy: It's really not. Ford: (to Diego) It's kinda drafty in here. Buffy: (starts down the stairs) I'm sorry, Ford. I just couldn't wait till tonight! I'm rash and impulsive. It's a flaw. Ford: We all have flaws. Buffy: I'm still a little fuzzy on exactly what yours is. I think it has to do with being a lying scumbag. (reaches him) Ford: Everybody lies. Buffy: What do you want, Ford? What's this all about? Ford: I really don't think you'd understand. Buffy: I don't need to understand. I just need to know. Ford: I'm gonna be one of them. Buffy: You wanna be a vampire? Ford: I'm going to. Buffy: You know, vampires are a little picky about who they change ov... (figures it out) You were gonna offer them a trade! Ford: I don't think I wanna talk anymore. She grabs him by the throat and shoves him up against a pillar. Buffy: Yeah, well, I still feel awfully chatty! You were gonna give them me! Tonight! Ford: (nods) Yes. Buffy: You had to know I'd figure it out. Ford: Actually, I was counting on it. (smiles) She lets go of his throat and backs away. He coughs a bit and then laughs. Buffy: What's supposed to happen tonight? Ford: This is *so* cool! It's just like it played in my head. You know that part where you ask me what's supposed to happen? (snickers) It's already happening. Diego swings the inner door shut with a loud clang. She runs back up the stairs and pounds on the door. Ford: Rigged up special. Once it's closed, it can only be opened from the outside. As soon as the sun sets, they'll be comin'. Buffy: Ford, if these people are still around when they get here... Diego: (interrupts) We'll be changed. All of us. Chantarelle: We're going to ascend to a new level of consciousness! Become like them. Like the Lonely Ones. Ford: This is the end, Buffy. No one gets outta here alive. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Sunset Club. Buffy hurries back down the stairs. Buffy: There's gotta be another way out of here! (looks around) Ford: This is a bomb shelter, Buffy. I knew I wasn't gonna be able to overpower you. But this is three feet of solid concrete. Trust me when I say we're in for the long haul. Buffy: At least let the other people go. Chantarelle: Why are you fighting this? It's what we want! Diego: It's our chance for immortality. Chantarelle: This is a beautiful day. Can't you see that? Buffy: What I see is that, right after the sun goes down, Spike and all of his friends are going to be pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar. Diego: Okay, that's it. I think we should gag her. Buffy: I think you should try. Diego: She's an unbeliever. She taints us. Buffy: I am trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here! Do you understand that? You're going to die! And the only hope you have of surviving this is to get out of this pit right now, and, my God, could you have a dorkier outfit? Diego is offended. Chantarelle smiles. Ford: I gotta back her up, D. You look like a big ninny. (his alarm goes off) 6:27. Sunset. They all walk away from her. She looks around for what to do next. Cut to Spike's warehouse. He comes marching out with his troops. Spike: When we get there, everybody spread out. Two men on the door, first priority's the Slayer, everything else is fair game, and let's remember to share, people. (meets Drusilla ) Are you sure you're up for this? Drusilla: I want a treat. I need a treat. Spike: And a special one you'll have. Lucius! (hold up his keys) Bring the car around. Cut to the Sunset Club. Buffy runs back up the stairs to the door. Ford follows her. Ford: Hey, you never give up, do you? Buffy: No, I don't. Ford: That's a good quality in a person. Too many people, they just lay back and take it, but us... Buffy: Us? We have something in common now? Ford: More than you think. Buffy: Yeah, well, let me explain something to you. You're what we call the bad guy. Ford: I guess I am! (chuckles) Buffy: (looks down at the people) These people aren't gonna get changed, are they? The rest of them, they're just fodder. Ford: Technically, yes. But I'm in. I will become immortal. Buffy: Well, I've got a news flash for you, braintrust: that's not how it works. You die, and a demon sets up shop in your old house, and it walks, and it talks, and it remembers your life, but it's not you. Ford: It's better than nothing. Buffy: And your life is nothing? Ford snickers. Buffy: Ford, these people don't deserve to die! Ford: Well, neither do I! But apparently no one took that into consideration, 'cause I'm still dying. Buffy begins to realize what he's up to now. Ford: I look good, don't I? Well, let me tell you something: (angry) I've got maybe six months left, and by then what they bury won't even *look* like me. It'll be bald and shriveled and it'll smell bad. No, I'm not going out that way. Buffy turns away. Ford: I'm sorry, Summers. Did I screw up your righteous anger riff? Does the nest of tumors liquefying my brain kinda spoil the fun? Buffy: (faces him) I'm sorry. I had no idea. But what you're doing is still very wrong. Ford: Okay, well, you try vomiting for twenty-four hours straight because the pain in your head is so intense, and *then* we'll discuss the concept of right and wrong. (points down) These people are sheep. They wanna be vampires 'cause they're lonely, miserable or bored. I don't have a choice. Buffy: You have a choice. You don't have a good choice, but you have a choice! You're opting for mass murder here, and nothing you say is gonna make that okay! Ford: You think I need to justify myself to you? Buffy: I think this is all part of your little fantasy drama! Isn't this exactly how you imagined it? You tell me how you've suffered and I feel sorry for you. Well, I do feel sorry for you, and if those vampires come in here and start feeding, I'll kill you myself! Ford: You know what, Summers? I really did miss you. Buffy can only look at him. Outside a car comes screeching to a halt. Buffy: Ford, help me stop this. (silence) Please! Ford remains silent. Buffy runs around to the stairs again. Buffy: People, listen to me! (Ford comes after her) This is not the mothership, people! This is ugly death come to play! Ford backhand punches her across the face, and she goes tumbling to the bottom of the steps. He comes down after her and punches her in the back as she tries to get up, sending her to the floor again. They hear the outside door open and look up. Chantarelle starts up the stairs to meet them. Ford checks to see that Buffy is still out cold on the floor. Chantarelle reaches the top of the steps as the inner door opens. Spike walks up to her in his game face and smiles. He roars at her and she flinches a bit but doesn't back down. He tears the choker off of her neck. She starts to cry in fear. Spike: Take them all. Save the Slayer for me. The vampires run and jump down the stairs to the people below and begin feeding. Spike grabs Chantarelle by the neck and bites her violently. Buffy wakes and gets up, and Ford tries to hit her with a crowbar. She grabs his arm in mid-swing and pulls him around, making him hit his head on a concrete pillar. He falls unconscious to the floor. She looks at the mayhem going on around her and spots Drusilla standing by herself on the balcony. She takes a running leap off of a couch up to the balcony railing, quickly climbs over, grabs Drusilla from behind and holds a stake to her chest. Buffy: Spike! Spike stops feeding on Chantarelle and looks over at them. Drusilla stares at the stake poised in front of her. Spike: Everybody STOP! They all stop feeding. Buffy: Good idea. Now you let everyone out, or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray. Drusilla: (frightened) Spike? Spike: It's gonna be alright, baby. Let them go! They all let go of their victims, and the people hurry up the stairs and out. Buffy: Down the stairs. Spike slowly backs down the stairs. Buffy forces Drusilla ahead of her, still holding the stake ready. When Buffy reaches the top of the stairs she stares at Spike for a moment. She looks at Drusilla and shoves her down the stairs at Spike. He catches and steadies her as Buffy turns and rushes out the door. He starts to give chase as Buffy swings the door shut behind her. Spike slams up against it. He looks for the way to open it. Spike: Uh, where's the doorknob? Cut to the alley. Buffy walks out of the building and sees the people help and support each other. Angel walks up to her and Willow and Xander are close behind. Buffy: You guys are just in time. Willow: Are there vampires? Buffy: They're contained. They'll get out eventually, though. We should probably go. We can come back when they're gone. Xander: Come back for what? Buffy: (looks back at the entrance) For the body. Cut inside the club. The vampires are banging on the doors. Ford wakes and gets up, holding his head. Spike is comforting Drusilla. Ford: What happened? Spike: We're stuck in a basement. Ford: Buffy?

Out patrolling, Buffy spies Angel with a demonstrative Drusilla, then catches him in a lie later. Billy "Ford" Fordham, Buffy's long-time LA school chum, transfers to Sunnydale High, but nobody suspects he is negotiating a deal with Spike-and offering the Slayer as trade goods. Angel discreetly enlists Willow's help.

fd_The_Office_07x03

fd_The_Office_07x03_0

Erin: Andy? [Andy starts boombox and begins singing 'The Ballad of Sweeney Todd'] Jim: Yes! [as other costumed actors come in and join Andy in song] Erin: Did you write this? Andy: No. Erin: Who did? Andy: Steven Sondheim. Erin: Who is he? [rest of Sweeney Todd cast enters and continues singing] Angela: What the hell is happening? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: We're the cast of Sweeney Todd[/b]: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. We open in a couple weeks at the Loose Screw Playhouse here in Scranton and today just doing a wee bit of viral marketing. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [cheers loudly after cast finishes singing song] That was amazing! That was awesome! I auditioned for this. When did the cast list go up? Andy: Like a month ago. Michael: Really? They didn't call me. Who am I playing? ...Andy? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Two comps. For my lady and her Gabe. It's closing night. Tomorrow we have to give the theater over to the Scranton's Miss Fitness pageant. Erin: I am so excited. But I just need one. Gabe can't come. Sorry. Andy: What? That's awful. Everyone's gonna miss that guy. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Gabe is not coming, which is huge because my plan is to make Erin fall back in love with me tonight. Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Oh, who else is going? Andy: Everyone. Erin: Gabe seemed to think no one was going. Andy: What kind of terrible rumor monger is Gabe? He is woefully misinformed, all right? Excuse me, clink, clink, clink, clink, everybody. You're all coming to my show tonight, right? Michael: Andy, what time's the show? Andy: 8pm sharp. Michael: How long is it? Andy: Hour forty-five. Michael: Nope, can't make it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: They say that no one can take your pride, but the people who cast Andy's play, they took mine. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Jim, Pam, you guys are in, right? Pam: Oh, we wanted to, but our sitter just fell through. I'm really sorry. Andy: Dwight? Dwight: Uh, no, thank you. Last time I went to the theater, a man dressed as a cat sat on my lap. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: It would mean so much to me if you came to my show tonight. Michael: I can't Andy, it's too hard. That's-I put everything I had into that audition. Do you understand that? Andy: If it makes you feel any better, no one who auditioned for the part of Sweeney Todd got that part. They had to bring in a ringer. Michael: Wow. Andy: This guy's like world-class. You should not feel bad. I'm asking you thespian to thespian. Will you please be the bigger man and come to my show? Michael: I wish I could, Andy, but I can't. I have plans that night. I'm going to see a friend in a play called Sweeney Todd. You're that friend. I'm going to see your play. Andy: Noishe! Michael: And scene. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Listen, I would like you to take me to Andy's play tonight. Dwight: Please, waste of time. You know what? Let's just knock this out right now. Disrobe. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Angela? Don't like her anymore. Not attracted to her anymore. Just contractually obligated to make a baby with her. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Give me the punch card. Angela: No. If you want to punch the punch card, you have to take me to the show. Dwight: That is not in the contract. Angela: Well, there's a lot of gray area in that clause. Do you want to re-mediate? Dwight: Alright, fine. I'll go to your little show, but I'm not wearing a cape. Angela: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Dwight and I have a contractual agreement to procreate five times, plain and simple. And should he develop feelings for me, well, that would be permissible under item 7C, clause 2, so I would not object. [faint smile] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey, how are those salads? Jim: It's my own fault- Andy: My parents used to scramble to find babysitters so they could take my younger brother to do stuff. I understand how hard it can be. I just-tonight, if you could... Pam: We'll keep looking. Andy: Yes! Jim: Really? Pam: I mean, who knows? Maybe I have a niece my family never told me about. Andy: Oh my gosh, that would be amazing. Pam: Yeah. Jim: For a lot of reasons. Andy: Yeah, I know. Neiche! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh, hey guys. Stanley: You brought balloons to a play? Michael: I did, because I am being the bigger man, and balloons are bigger than flowers. Phyllis: It's nice, like Up. Michael: Yes. Usher: Excuse me, are you the guy who did an entire Law & Order episode for his audition? Michael: Nope. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Guys? All: Hey! Andy! Andy: You all made it, thank you so much. Jim: You should actually thank Erin, she's the one who agreed to babysit. Andy: She's babysitting? [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I really wanted to see Andy's play, because he's so, so talented. But I've been trying to get in the babysitting game forever. The thirteen-year-olds in this town have a complete monopoly. It's almost like a babysitters club. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I understand. This is, like, huge opportunity for her. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [trying to stuff balloons below the seats] This is ridiculous. You'd think they'd discourage people from bringing in balloons. Darryl: Hey, I think this guy playing Sweeney Todd is my plumber. Michael: No, Darryl. This guy's a world-class actor. He doesn't daylight as your plumber. Darryl: No, it's my plumber. Says so in his bio. Apparently the director discovered him doing karaoke. It's his first play. He didn't even audition. Michael: Are you kidding me? Darryl: Shhh. If we don't listen to the overture, we won't recognize the musical themes when they come back later. Michael: All right, I'm sorry. God. [SCENE_BREAK] Usher: Excuse me, I think you may be in the wrong seats. [Jim and Pam move a few rows back, next to Michael] Kelly: Ooooh! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [whispering to man sitting beside him] I work with that guy. Angela: [after taking her gum out] Ugh! There's gum on the seat and now it's on my work skirt. I have to go change. Dwight: Too bad I'm not gonna explain anything that you miss. Angela: Oh, Dwight, just move. Dwight: [whispering to man sitting beside him] His name's Andy. He's a terrible salesman. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: What time is it? [Ryan pulls up a large analog clock on his iPad] [SCENE_BREAK] Shelby: Michael! Shelby Thomas Weemes, the director. Michael: Hello. Shelby: I promise you that if you keep auditioning with similar gusto... Michael: Okay. Shelby: We are going to find a production with a role for Michael Scott. Michael: Okay. Shelby: Yes? Michael: Yes. Shelby: Good. Michael: Good. Shelby: Enjoy the second act. Michael: You enjoy the second act. Shelby: Have a refreshment. Michael: Thank you. You, too. [steals a bottle of wine from the bar] [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Come on, Dwight. Dwight: Why are you dressed like a seed catalogue model? Angela: These are just my dirty old gardening clothes. They were all that I had in my car. Dwight: Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, Erin, it's Pam. How ya doing? No, no, don't put Cece on the phone, because she can't talk yet. Okay. No, I was just calling to see how everything's going. Yeah? Yeah? It's good? The play? The play is kind of great. I mean, it's fun to hear Andy sing in the appropriate setting. Now, he's really sorry you couldn't make it, too. Yeah. So thank you so much, again. We're having a great time. Oh, they're flashing the lights so we should go in. Thanks. Bye. Okay, so we called. And everything's fine! Jim: Everything's fine. Pam: We can relax. Jim: We can relax. Let's get our Sweeney on. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: [seeing Michael drink from wine bottle] Michael! [bottle gets passed around by Darryl, Meredith and Kevin] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Just checking my e-mails. See if I got any last-minute "break a legs" or "I still love you" type texts. Doesn't look like I got anything. Maybe on my Facebook wall. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [on cell phone] Unfortunately, in this ham-fisted production of Sweeney Todd, the real terror comes from the vocal performances. New paragraph. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd! I found her! Sweeney Todd: You found Johanna. Andy: That monster of a judge has locked her-[cell phone chiming]. Locked her away. [phone continues ringing] Sweeney Todd: There's a little bird fluttering around. Do hope it ceases chirping. [audience laughs] Michael: How is that funny? Sweeney Todd: The bird continues to call. Someone please turn off your... bird. Oh, for the love-turn your phone off! There are signs! Andy: Oh, it appears the bird was in mine own pocket this whole time. He's gone to sleep now, I've closed his beak. [Michael laughs] Sweeney Todd: What is the news of my darling daughter Johanna? Andy: [text message chime] You know what? Let me just double check, that bird... Okay, good. It's off. I mean, silenced. I silenced it by killing it. I've killed it! I'm a murderer! Just like you, Sweeney Todd. See, it all connects. Not that I know you're a murderer. My character doesn't know that yet. But I'm suspicious, because of all the razors that you have laying around. And you spend time alone. But you're a barber, so that's legit. So there's that. But... Sweeney Todd: [yelling] Where is Johanna? Andy: A madhouse. Sweeney Todd: A madhouse? Andy: Yes, a madhouse. Sweeney Todd: A madhouse? Johanna is as good as rescued. Where do you suppose all the wig makes of London go to obtain their human hair? [Michael tips over wine bottle, which noisily rolls down the theater, and accidentally lets go of balloons] Andy: Do you think... [bottle rolling] so you think... [bottle rolling, clanking] Sweeney Todd: Fogg's Asylum , why not? [balloon pops, Kelly screams and baby starts crying] Pam: Sounds like Cece. Jim: Okay, I think everybody just needs to relax. Pam: [sees Erin holding Cece] Oh, my God! Go, go! Jim: Oh, my God. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [excited] That's really irresponsible of Erin. She's a terrible babysitter. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I just didn't think that you guys were gonna see us. We were just gonna stop by and get some ice cream and then go home. Jim: Okay, this was pretty simple- Pam: Why are you here? Jim: [overlapping with Pam] Really, all you had to do was play with her for, like, 30 minutes and then put her to bed. Pam: What possible explanation could you have for possibly being here? I don't... you know, babies shouldn't have ice cream, by the way. Erin: I'm sorry. I just really wanted to see Andy. You guys made it sound so unmissable, and you set me up with a car seat and everything. Jim: Well, the car seat was to take her to the hospital, or... Erin: Oh, no, why would I take her to the hospital? Pam: You know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Erin: Why don't I just take her home and let you guys finish, and then you should stay out as late as you want. Jim: No, we're good. Thank you, though. Erin: Okay. Alright, bye Cece. Pam: Okay. Jim: Alright, well, we're never leaving the house again. Pam: Not together! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [during curtain call for Sweeney Todd] Boo! Boo! [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: That was more horrifying than Nunsense. Dwight: All that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders. Angela: Where's my car? Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Mmm! Fruit is so much better when it's dried. I've already eaten, like, 30 apricots. Sweeney Todd: Darryl? Darryl: Hey! Sweeney Todd: Didn't know you were gonna be here. How's the toilet? Darryl: Silent. Look, congratulations. Sweeney Todd: Thank you. Darryl: I had no idea. This plumber has pipes! Michael: Yeah, good job. Well done. Sweeney Todd: You're the guy who booed me. Michael: Hmm? No, there were a lot of people booing you. I wasn't one of em. Sweeney Todd: No, I saw you, and you were the only one. Michael: Get your eyes checked, chucklehead. Creed: Be cool, Michael. I saw this guy kill a bunch of people. Good work. Sweeney Todd: Thank you. Darryl: You didn't have to boo him. Michael: Well, he was getting a lot of applause, and I just didn't think it was indicative of how people were really feeling. Darryl: How would you like it if we booed you? Michael: That would never happen. Darryl: Boo! Boo! Michael: Okay. I appreciate the feedback. Darryl: Boo! Boo! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I don't like that at all. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Are you ready? Erin: Yes. Oh, I'm so scared! Okay, kill me! Just kill me! Kill me! Andy: [pretends to slit her throat] Ah! Blood everywhere. Erin: Oh, no. I'm so glad we're hanging out again outside of work. Andy: Yeah, me, too. Erin: Okay, I kill you now. Andy: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: All right, let's do this. Angela: No, actually, Dwight, I didn't realize how far this walk was, and I-I'm exhausted. Dwight: It's okay, I smell. Angela: No, no, no, no. I think I just want to go home, but it's okay. This can count as one of your times. Dwight: No, no, no. Contractually we're obligated to have s*x. Angela: Well, I won't tell if you don't. Dwight: I will tell. I will tell the mediator. What-what are you... [Angela reaches into his pocket] Ok. Oh, was that in the way? Get rid of it. [Angela pulls out hole-punch and punches the card] Angela: Good night, Dwight. Dwight: Good night. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: These would have been your seats. Best seats in the house. Lots of people think it would be the front row, but actually, right here, this is where the speakers converge, and the sound just, like, nails you right here. Erin: This is awesome. [cell phone rings] Sorry. Hi, Gabe. Yeah, I just stopped by Andy's cast party to say hi to everyone. Oh, sure, I can pick you up some soup. What do you want? That's broth, Gabe. Okay, I-I'll see you soup. [hangs up] Okay, I have to go. Thank you so much. This is so much fun, and I'm really sorry that I missed your play, but next time I'll be there. Or here. Right here, I promise. Andy: Awesome. Erin: Okay. Andy: See you later. Erin: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [attempting to move car seat] It's like The Hurt Locker! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: This night was a disaster. Jim: No, it was not a disaster. It was weird, but it wasn't a disaster. I think we have, like, a gift bottle of Irish cream. Pam: Yeah? Jim: We could put that in orange juice. Pam: Get it. Jim: Yeah? Pam: Let's get our juice on. Jim: Yeah! [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Found him! Michael: Hey, what's going on here? Post-show blues? Andy: Yeah, I guess you could say that. Michael: Yeah, I get those every day after work. Phyllis: Your show was really great, Andy. Stanley: Interesting subject matter. I'm surprised you pulled it off. Andy: It was like amateur hour. Oscar: It was an amateur production, technically. Michael: Oscar. Enough with the sass, please. God! What is wrong with you? Andy, listen to me. Look me in the eye. I thought that you were awesome. Andy: Stop just saying that. Michael: I am not just saying that. You can trust that I am telling you the truth. I booed someone tonight. I have no filter. And if I thought you were terrible, I would have booed. And if I thought you had done a better job, I would be saying nicer things right now. But I thought that you were exactly awesome. No better, no worse. Andy: Thank you. That feels good. Michael: I did not say that to make you feel good. I just said it. Total integrity. Darryl: Andy, sing us another song. Andy: Thanks, but I feel like a loner right now. Phyllis: Oh, come on, Andy, you were the highlight. Michael: Come on, Andy, seriously. All: Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy: Okay, all right, all right, all right. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [sings Macy Gray's "I Try" and everyone joins in] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: In the criminal justice system, the people are defended by two separate but equally important groups, the police who investigate the crimes and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories. Kun-kun! [imitates vacuum cleaner] I'm just a cleaning lady. Aah! A dead body. He wrapped his belt around his own neck. It looks like a classic case of autoerotic asphyxiation. Yeah, looks like everyone's tightening their belts in this economy. [humming theme music] Last time you saw the victim, was he happy? Last time I saw this John, he was-he wasn't a victim, if you know what I'm talkin about. Shelby: Thanks you. Michael: No, that was- I'm just getting into the first act.

Andy lands a role in a local production of Sweeney Todd and invites the entire office to the performance, hoping to impress Erin, but she offers to babysit for Jim and Pam instead, hoping to get a start in the babysitter career. While Michael struggles to put his jealousy aside in regard to not being cast in the play, Jim and Pam have trouble with their less-than-stellar babysitter. Angela and Dwight continue to have a contract to uphold.

fd_Teen_Wolf_04x08

fd_Teen_Wolf_04x08_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Visual confirmation is required for payment. Parrish: Meredith's gone, she hung herself. Stiles: Where the hell did you come from? Lydia: Father and daughter. Scott: We need to tell her the truth. She's going to see the rest of the dead pool eventually. Stiles: Malia? (SIGHS) Malia: What? Stiles: I always sleep in the middle of the bed. Malia: Not anymore. Stiles: I know. I'm trying. (SIGHS) Stiles: Yeah. I can't get to sleep unless I'm in the middle. Malia: Then we spoon. Stiles: I can spoon. Okay. I can spoon. SIGHS) Mmm. Malia: What now? Stiles: My arm's falling asleep.vI don't like this. Malia: I'm going to kill you. Stiles: I know, I know, I'm sorry. Malia: Okay. Just come here. Stiles: I think this is good. Yeah, this is good. Agent Mccall: Preliminary notes on firearm discharge incident. Assailant armed with sound-suppressor equipped Walther P88... Having heard the perpetrator's threat and countdown, I made visual confirmation of the barrel of the weapon pressed to the potential victim's head. Determining the danger to be imminent, I felt no other choice but to respond with the use of deadly force. Thanks for waiting. I know it's late. Scott: It's okay. It's not like I'm going to be going to school tomorrow anyway. Agent Mccall: Unfortunately, I'm going to have to drive back to San Francisco tonight. I'll need to do a review at the field office. But I'll be back as soon as I can. I might have to miss the first game of the season. Scott: It's no big deal. Agent Mccall: It is to me. I'm keeping my promises this time. What I did, it was necessary. Justifiable. You know that, right? Scott: Have you done it before? Agent Mccall: Two other times. It's not easy, taking a man's life, even someone who forces you to do it. Scott: How do you deal with it? Agent Mccall: You look at it logically. Without emotion. You compartmentalize. Scott: How do you do that? Agent Mccall: I used to do it by drinking. One more thing. When I do come back, we have to talk about some stuff. You and your friends, the way you guys handle things, it doesn't seem to faze you like it should. It's like you guys know something I don't. When I come back, I'd like to be in the know. Kira: Is three enough? Stiles: Depends on how many cameras they have. But I think so. Lydia: Are we really doing this? Scott: We're doing it. Tonight. Liam: But isn't it kind of dangerous? Stiles: It's incredibly dangerous. And borderline idiotic. Liam: Have you guys done something like this before? Stiles: Something dangerous? Or something idiotic? Kira: I think it's a yes to both. Scott: You don't have to be part of it if you don't want to. Liam: I'm not scared. Stiles: Then you're borderline idiotic. If we do this, we don't know what's coming for us. You know that, right? Kira: How do we even know something's definitely coming? Scott: Because the tape from Garrett's bag said visual confirmation required. Stiles: Simon said the same thing. He couldn't get paid by The Benefactor until he had proof that you guys were dead. Scott: So the idea is, what if you kill someone on the dead pool, but you can't send the proof? Kira: You don't get paid. Liam: But how does that get us any closer to The Benefactor? Scott: He still needs to know if the target is really dead. Stiles: Especially if it's someone high on the list. Liam: So, if he wants visual confirmation... Scott: He's going to have to come get it himself. (SIREN WAILING) Paramedic: Move, move, move! Nurse: We need ECG. (MAN SPEAKING OVER PA) Nurse: He's flat-lining... Doctor: Get him to trauma 2.Start another IV. (BREATHING HEAVILY) Doctor: Clear! (MONITOR FLATLINING) Doctor: Still asystole. Continue chest compressions and charge to 360. Clear! (BEEPING) Doctor: Nothing. Still asystole. (MONITOR FLATLINING) Doctor: I'm calling it. Time of death 2102 hours. Would someone please page Melissa McCall? Derek: What are you doing? Braeden: Protecting my investment. Derek: Hmm. Braeden: Why aren't you healing? Derek: Some wounds take longer. Braeden: And some leave scars. But not for people like you. So, what's going on? Derek: Maybe I'm just tired. Braeden: Derek. Show me your eyes. Derek: You just saw them. Braeden: Show me your real eyes. Okay. Melissa: Now, why don't you tell me what's really going on? (WOMAN WAILING) Melissa: (CRYING) What happened to my son? (SCREAMING) Liam: Are you guys totally sure about this? Kira: I think Liam's kind of nervous. Maybe you should tell him it's going to be all right. Scott: It's going to be all right. Liam: So, you've done this before, right? Ms Yukimura: I've seen it done. Liam: Is that just as good? Ms Yukimura: No. Kira: Mom, you're not inspiring confidence. Ms Yukimura: Good. This is a terrible idea. Kira: Do you want us to do it without you? Ms Yukimura: Put your hand over his heart. Scott: Hold on. What happens while I'm out? Am I gonna feel anything? Ms Yukimura: It might feel like you're dreaming. Scott: Good dreams or bad? Ms Yukimura: I suppose that depends on you. (BREATHING DEEPLY) (CRACKLING) (GASPING) (GASPS) (SOBBING) (SNIFFS) Melissa: I still hate this plan. I mean this is pretty significantly terrifyingly. He looks dead. Ms Yukimura: Give me your hand. Stiles: It's okay. (GASPS) Stiles: Wait for it. (HEART BEATING) Melissa: Is that enough to keep a werewolf alive? Ms Yukimura: Enough for an Alpha. Melissa: How much time do we have? Ms Yukimura: Forty-five minutes. Melissa: What happens after that? Kira: I bring him back the same way. Melissa: No, I mean what happens if he stays like this longer than forty-five minutes? Ms Yukimura: No one's told her? Melissa: What? What happens after forty-five minutes? Ms Yukimura: He dies. Stiles: That's your assassin speak? Chris: I said he's dead. What more do you want? Stiles: It was a little dry. You could've said something like, "Target has been neutralized. The crow flies at midnight."That's always cool. Chris: Hmm. (COMPUTER BEEPS) Chris: Type this, "Visual confirmation isn't possible." "Police coming to claim body in forty minutes." Tell him number one on the list is dead. I killed him. And if the wire transfer isn't completed in forty minutes... Braeden: It's just a graze. But make sure it doesn't get infected. That's probably something you've never had to worry about before, is it? So, it's everything then? No glowing eyes, no healing. Derek: No hearing, speed, everything. Braeden: Strength? Derek: I can still win a fight. (SIGHS) Braeden: You ready? Derek: Mmm-hmm. Braeden: One, two... Derek: (GRUNTS) You cheated. That's cheating... Braeden: I won. When you're a human facing off against the supernatural, you need to bend the rules a little bit. I'm gonna teach you how to bend. (BEEPING) Chris: I'm here. You ready? Try it now. (INHALES SHARPLY) (HEART BEATING RAPIDLY) (PANTING) (GROANS) Liam: Catch! That's why you're team captain. (COMPUTER BEEPING) Scott: I can't do that. I can't kill them. Liam: Someone has to. Scott: Why me? Liam: Because you're the Alpha. Scott: I'm not a murderer. Liam: But you are a predator. Scott: No. We're predators... But we don't have to... We don't have to... (PANTING) (LIAM GROANING) (GRUNTS) Liam: Scott! Scott, please! Scott, help me! (LIAM EXCLAIMING) (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) (CELLPHONE VIBRATES) (GRUNTS) (SAFE CREAKS) (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) Peter: I've gotta buy a better safe. Ms Yukimura: What about him? Melissa: No, he's in here every week with a new self-diagnosis. Ms Yukimura: Hypochondriac? Melissa: Prescription drug addict. Why are we doing this? Why are we asking them to fight these kinds of fights? Ms Yukimura: Because otherwise we'd be asking them to run and hide. Liam: Is that supposed to look like that? Stiles: No. No, it's not. Kira: Where is that? Stiles: The roof. Someone's gonna have to check it out. Kira: I'll go. Stiles: Whoa, whoa. This might not just be a malfunction. Kira: That's why I'm bringing this. Liam: I'm coming with you. Stiles: Okay. And you're both coming right back. Immediately. (SIGHS) Kids. [SCENE_BREAK] Peter: I can't let you leave here with that. Malia: Maybe you won't have a choice. Peter: Is that right? Malia: I think I could take you. Peter: You've heard rumors I'm not as strong as I used to be. Malia: Something like that. Peter: I said you can't leave with it. I didn't say you couldn't read it. (FLOORBOARDS CREAKING) (GASPING) Ms Martin: Oh, God. Lydia: Mom! What are you doing? Ms Martin: What are you doing? (SIGHS) Lydia: Nothing. And how did you know I was here? Did you follow me? Ms Martin: No, I'm getting ready for the Open House tomorrow. Lydia: The Open House is next week. Ms Martin: Okay, I followed you. Honey, you come up here every weekend, sometimes even during the week, and as far as I can tell, there's no boy involved, so I really have no clue what you're up to. Lydia: I'm trying to figure something out. Something important. And honestly, Mom, you don't need to be involved in every single detail of my life. Ms Martin: No. But I'd like to help if I can. Lydia: Do you know her? Ms Martin: Meredith Walker. Liam: Catch! That's why you're the Alpha. There's something different, isn't there? Scott: I've got more fangs. I noticed it during the quarantine. I don't know why. Liam: Maybe it's part of being an Alpha. Like you're becoming more of a werewolf. Scott: Or more of a monster. Liam: What if it makes you stronger? What if it's like you're growing? (THUDS) The Mute: Evolving. (SHUDDERING) Liam: Looks like someone did something to it. (GROWLING) Kira: I think somebody did... Stiles: The power's out in the whole building. I lost all the cameras. Chris: Stay with Scott. Text me if you see or hear anything. Braeden: This is a Sig Sauer P2269mm. Derek: I don't like guns. Braeden: That's because you've never learned to use one. Derek: Or because I've been shot. Repeatedly. Braeden: You'll like this one. The legal clip size in California is ten. You always want to remember how many shots you fire. Running out of bullets can get you killed. It also makes you look stupid. But using a gun isn't just about learning how to point and shoot. Derek: Why's that? Braeden: Because an average person can move twenty-one feet in one-point-five seconds. If they have a knife, they can gut you before you can pull and fire. So with a gun, you need distance. Go for it. Pull the gun on me. Derek: So, yeah. Braeden: Wanna try again? Derek: Mmm-hmm. (CLEARS THROAT) Derek: One more time. Braeden: I could do this all day. You cheated. Derek: I'm learning to bend. (MUSIC PLAYING) Peter: You wanna talk about it? See a family counselor? Malia: There's nothing in there. Peter: Cost me a lot of money to get that file. Malia: You got ripped off. Peter: You know what happens when you only hear one side of a story? You've only heard one side of the story. (GROWLING) (ROARING) (GRUNTS) (GROWLING) Kira's Voice: It's a good plan. You're not worried, are you? Scott: Just thinking. Kira: About what? Scott: That we've never actually been on a real date. Kira: There hasn't been time. Scott: We could make time. Kira: Even though people are dying all around us? Scott: Okay. Maybe after that. Kira: We could see a movie. Haven't seen a movie in forever. Scott: That sounds like a plan. Kira: It's a good plan. Liam: Kira! Kira! Get up! Kira! Kira! Get up! Ms Yukimura: I'm guessing the power doesn't go out often in this hospital. Melissa: Only when under attack by supernatural creatures. Stiles: Come on, come on. Answer the phone. Answer the phone, Argent. Come on, Argent, answer the phone. Why are you not answering the phone? (GRUNTING) Chris: I was right. Stiles, get out of here. Kate: Get out of the way, Stiles. I'm taking the body. Stiles: Why? Visual confirmation? Kate: Don't worry, handsome. I'm not The Benefactor. Chris: Then what do you want with the body? Kate: I wish I could tell you. (GRUNTING) Kate: I always forget you carry two. Malia: You murdered people. Not killed. Murdered. Peter: There were extenuating circumstances. Malia: Like what? The fire? Peter: A fire that nearly burned me alive. Six years in a coma. Do you know what that's like for one of us? It's not a pleasant sleep. Imagine it. Being trapped in your body, but still being fully cognizant. Unable to do anything other than listen to your own thoughts slowly driving you absolutely and totally insane, minute-by-minute, day-by-day. Yes, I've done horrible, terrible things. And so have a lot of people. And horrible, terrible things are going to keep happening. Especially when there's a dead pool with your name on it. Malia: But not yours. Peter: True. But I am not The Benefactor. I'm just a guy who's out millions of dollars. A few thousand of which I used trying to help you. Malia: Me? Peter: How does the bad guy prove that he's not so bad? By doing an act of kindness. Malia: What could you ever do for me? Peter: Help you find your mother. I'm pretty interested myself as the memory was stolen from me by my sister, Talia. Malia: Okay. What did you find? Peter: A woman, might be her. I don't have a name yet, just a particularly interesting alias. She's called The Desert Wolf. Do you know what that means? Malia: Coyote. (WOMEN SCREAMING) ORDERLY: What the... (WHIMPERING) (GROWLING) Melissa: Are you still a Kitsune? Ms Yukimura: Technically. Ms Martin: These are your grandmother's ashes. Lydia: Grandma died in Eichen House. Ms Martin: Your father had a difficult relationship with his mother. But after the things she said, and the way she acted... Lydia: He thought she was crazy. Ms Martin: Well, she said she heard things. Lydia: Why did she want her ashes in here? Ms Martin: Well, actually, she didn't. She left instructions to have them spread across the lake. Lydia: How come you haven't done it? Ms Martin: Because she wanted you to do it. When you turned eighteen. Don't ask me why. But since there's only a few weeks till that, I suppose now is as good a time as any. Lydia: Mom, these aren't Grandma's ashes. Ms Martin: What do you mean? Of course they are. Lydia: No. It's Mountain Ash. (GASPS) Lydia: The whole building. It's all made of Mountain Ash. Chris: Back off! Kate: You sure you can pull the trigger fast enough? Chris: I don't want to. Kate: You're not going to kill me. Chris: I'm not going to let you take his body. Stiles: Okay, well, obviously, you guys have a lot to talk about, so, maybe I saw some coffee, a vending machine outside. Chris: Listen to me, Kate. We have a plan. Kate: If killing Scott was part of it, you're worse than me. Stiles: He's telling the truth. We're trying to get to The Benefactor. Chris: If you didn't notice, you're on that list too. And you're worth more than most. Kate: That's why I'm here. Chris: Then back off and let us do what we planned. Take the Berserkers, and go. Kate, please. We have a plan. (GROANS) Kira: Liam, run. Get out of here. (GROWLING) Kira: Liam! (ROARS) Liam: Catch! (WHIMPERING) Liam: Why did you do that? The Mute: Let me help you. Let me show you how. (BREATHING HEAVILY) (SCREAMING) (RADIO STATIC) (YELLING) (GASPS) Scott: What happened? Did it work? Kira: What? Liam: It's your mother...She's hurt. (GROANING) Melissa: No, no, no, no, no. Stay with me. Doctor: What the hell happened here? Melissa: Just help me get her off the floor. Kate: You were right. He's still alive. Peter: Thank God. Stiles: Hey. Where have you been? Malia: Talking to Peter. Stiles: Okay. You think that's a good idea? Malia: If he can help me find my mother, I don't think I care. Stiles: You might be related to him, but you're not like him. Malia: Maybe I am. That night I caused the car crash... Stiles: You mean when you were out-of-control on the full moon. Malia: There's a part I didn't tell you about. Right before we got in the car, my mother... My adoptive mother, I guess... We got into a huge fight. I don't even remember what it was about, but... I remember what I said. Stiles: Malia. Malia: I said, "I wish you were all dead." Stiles: Killing doesn't run in a family. Malia: Maybe it does in mine. (MUSIC PLAYING) Kira: My mom's being taken to a hospital in Palo Alto. They actually put her in a helicopter. Scott: But she's going to be okay? Kira: Yeah. She just doesn't heal like she used to. I need to be there with her. Especially if she's still on the list. Scott: I know. You should go. I actually have to go back to the hospital too. They want to do a bunch of tests since I was kind of officially dead. Kira: I guess Liam's dad has a lot of questions. Scott: Yeah. Kira: I just wish it had all worked. It was a good plan. Scott: Yeah, I've been thinking about that too. And actually, I think maybe it did work. Not that I know exactly who The Benefactor is but we might know a lot more about him now. Kira: But no one came. And no one got visual confirmation, right? Scott: That's why it might have worked. Think about it. Who has the power to know when someone's dead, but doesn't need to see the body to know it happened? Kira: A Banshee. Ms Martin: This was the last thing your grandmother wrote down before she died. Don't even know why I kept it because it's basically nonsense. Lydia: Are you absolutely sure Grandma's dead? Ms Martin: Yes. I mean, she has to be. Lydia: This isn't nonsense, Mom. It's code.

For their plan to lure out the Benefactor, Scott is put into a near-death state by Kira, brought in to the hospital, and declared dead, and his friends have 45 minutes before he dies permanently. Derek reveals to Braeden that he lost all of his powers; Braeden teaches him how to use guns and fight without his abilities. Scott experiences repeated hallucinations in which Liam urges him to embrace his werewolf nature, and tries to convince him that he can kill the assassins. In separate hallucinations, Liam fails to convince Scott and is killed by the Mute, and Scott ultimately kills Liam with the Mute's tomahawk. Malia seeks out Peter to get information about her family, especially her biological mother; Peter says that he is trying to locate the "Desert Wolf". Kate and the Berserkers break into the hospital in an attempt to confirm whether Scott is dead, but Chris persuades her to leave; however, Kira's mother becomes injured. Lydia discovers information that suggests her grandmother was a banshee. Lydia discovers that her grandmother wrote down part of the deadpool code and finds another message in the same code.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_08x23

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_08x23_0

THE D MONS BY: GUY LEOPOLD 6:10pm - 6:35pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW. INNER CHAMBER (The DOCTOR pushes away soil and reveals a metallic object.) JO: What is it? DOCTOR: Metal. JO: It looks like a model spaceship. DOCTOR: That's right. Except that it isn't a model. JO: What is it then? DOCTOR: Jo, look at the shape of this tomb. (He shines the torch round.) JO: Well, it looks like that spaceship. DOCTOR: A different size, that's all. Now you try picking it up. (JO crouches down and tries to pick up the metal object.) JO: I can't. It's fixed down. DOCTOR: The reason why you can't pick it up is that is weighs...oh, about seven hundred and fifty tonnes, at a rough guess. JO: Oh, come on, be serious! DOCTOR: Be serious? All right. About a hundred thousand years ago... [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW (Bristling with demonic power, BOK shoots into the canvas tunnel...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW. INNER CHAMBER (And comes roaring into the inner chamber. The DOCTOR and JO leap back as the creature rushes for them. The DOCTOR passes JO the torch.) DOCTOR: Hold this! (She takes it as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small trowel. He holds this up before the gargoyle and calls out...) DOCTOR: Klokleda Partha Mennin Klatch! (The gargoyle staggers backwards, holding its arms up to its face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY (The MASTER opens his eyes in puzzlement, then closes them again, muttering another incantation under his breath.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW. INNER CHAMBER (BOK judders and staggers as the DOCTOR continues to hold up the trowel to it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY MASTER: What's happening, Bok? Why do you not attack?! [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW. INNER CHAMBER (BOK continues to shake in confusion...) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY MASTER: You must! You must! There's nothing to fear. It's just mumbo jumbo! I... (He sighs in anger.) MASTER: Oh, very well, return. Return! (He opens his blazing eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW. INNER CHAMBER (BOK staggers backwards and, with one last growl at the DOCTOR and JO, runs out of the tomb. They hear the flapping of his wings as he flies off. The DOCTOR peers down the tunnel to make sure that the gargoyle has gone.) DOCTOR: Phew! JO: How did you do that? (He holds up the trowel.) DOCTOR: Iron. It's an old magical defence. JO: But you don't believe in magic. DOCTOR: I don't, but he did - luckily. JO: And was that a...spell you said? DOCTOR: No, it's the first line of an old Venusian lullaby, as a matter of fact. Roughly translated it goes "Close your eyes, my darling. Well three of them, at least"! (JO laughs and hands him back the torch.) JO: Doctor! DOCTOR: I must admit, that thing took me completely by surprise. JO: What was it? DOCTOR: Well, it looked like a gargoyle made of stone. JO: But it was alive. DOCTOR: In a sense, yes. JO: But that wasn't what Miss Hawthorne described, surely? DOCTOR: No, the creature she saw must have been a hundred times more hideous. JO: And never of them were the...devil? DOCTOR: No, not your mythical devil, Jo, no. Something far more real...and far more dangerous. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY (WINSTANLEY is at the vicarage. The MASTER, wearing his black rimmed glasses again, speaks to him in an imperious tone...) MASTER: Now see here, Winstanley. This is an emergency! It's up to you to call a meeting of the village and start behaving like the Squire. WINSTANLEY: (Angrily.) You may be the vicar, but I'll thank you not to take that tone with me! MASTER: Ah, a man of spirit are you? That's exactly what's wanted at a time like this. WINSTANLEY: I still don't understand what you're talking about. MASTER: Decadence - that's what I'm talking about. It's what I see on every side. All this talk of "democracy", "freedom", "liberty". (He takes off his glasses and stares intently at WINSTANLEY.) MASTER: What this country needs is strength, power and decision! And those are what you can give to it. (WINSTANLEY stares back, held by the MASTER'S gaze.) WINSTANLEY: Yes...yes, you're right of course. MASTER: I am the Master. I control a power which can save this world. If you choose, you can share my triumph. WINSTANLEY: Power? What power? MASTER: I control the forces that have been released in Devil's End over the last few hours. (WINSTANLEY'S trance drops...) WINSTANLEY: All that fuss up on the dig? Are you trying to tell me it was you? MASTER: Exactly. WINSTANLEY: Well, that's ridiculous! MASTER: You need proof, do you? Very well, you shall have it! (The MASTER steps to one side and starts muttering an incantation under his breath. A demonic bubbling sound fills the air and the doors to the outside burst open allowing a howling wind to fill the hallway. It blows a vase and papers off the table, a light fitting from the ceiling and a picture off the wall. WINSTANLEY starts to panic and shouts to the still MASTER.) WINSTANLEY: Stop it! Stop it! (A plant stand is blown off the staircase landing. The MASTER slowly opens his eyes and the wind dies down. He glances over his shoulder to the shaken Squire.) MASTER: Well? WINSTANLEY: I'll do anything you say. (The MASTER smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR (MISS HAWTHORNE walks into the pub carrying a pile of large books. YATES is with her carrying a small slide projector.) MISS HAWTHORNE: There you are, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, thank you, Miss Hawthorne. Let me help you. (He takes the books off her and takes them over to a table. JO and BENTON - recovered but covered in cuts and bruises - follow and watch.) MISS HAWTHORNE: Oh, thank you. The pick of the finest collection of occult material in the country, though why you wanted me to bring it, I don't know. DOCTOR: You've all been asking me for explanations, perhaps these will help me to provide them. MISS HAWTHORNE: Well, there is only one possible explanation - this is the supernatural at work. DOCTOR: Nonsense! SERGEANT BENTON: Yes, well, what about the thing that got me? That was real enough. DOCTOR: Nothing more real than a force field, sergeant. Even a psionic one. (The DOCTOR holds up slides to the light to look through them.) MISS HAWTHORNE: Oh, you're being deliberately obtuse! We're dealing with the supernatural - the occult, magic! DOCTOR: Science! MISS HAWTHORNE: (Shouts.) Magic! DOCTOR: Science, Miss Hawthorne! CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Look, whatever it is, how do we stop it? JO: Well, how can we stop it without knowing what it is? DOCTOR: Well done, Jo. You're being logical at last. I'll turn you into a scientist yet! Right, if there are no more interruptions, I'll tell you what it is. (But he is stopped by a bleeping from YATES' radio. He reaches into his pocket for it and smiles at the DOCTOR.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sorry! (Into radio.) Greyhound two, come in please, over. [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ (The BRIGADIER sits in the mobile UNIT HQ at a radio set. SGT. OSGOOD sits at another set on the other side of the room.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Greyhound two to trap two, is that you, Yates? Now, what's going on there? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Over radio.) Quite a bit, but I don't think you'd believe me, even if I told you. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Well, the thing is we can't get past this wretched heat barrier. It incinerates anything that tries, over. [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Into radio.) Can't you go round it, Brigadier? Over. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio, sarcastically.) The thought had occurred to me, Captain. I sent out patrols but as far as I can see... (SGT. OSGOOD brings over a piece of paper which the BRIGADIER reads.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Well, that settles it. The perimeter of this thing is an unbroken circle ten miles... [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) ...in diameter. Its centre being the village church, over. DOCTOR: (To CAPTAIN YATES.) Give me that. (He takes the radio off YATES.) DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Hello, Lethbridge Stewart? The Doctor here. What about going over the top of it? [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ (The BRIGADIER hears the noise of a jet overhead.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) The RAF are just coming through now. Hang on a minute. (He runs to the door and looks outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. DEVIL'S END ENVIRONS (A sleek jet flies over.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ (The BRIGADIER runs back in where SGT. OSGOOD is picking up the radio message from the RAF Pilot. It is relayed through the room.) RAF PILOT: (OOV: Over radio.) Red-zero-four to greyhound two - no soap, repeat, no soap. Last test canister exploded at altitude four-five-zero-zero feet. Estimate dome shaped area above village approximately one mile high at apogee, over. SGT. OSGOOD: (Into radio.) Thank you, zero-four. Received and understood. RAF PILOT: (OOV: Over radio.) Over and out. (The BRIGADIER goes back to his radio set.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Do you hear that, Doctor? We're locked out, over. [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Or we're locked in. All right, Brigadier, we'll keep in touch. (He switches off the radio.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Doctor? Doctor? Yates?! (The BRIGADIER sits down and pushes his cap back.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Typical! [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR (The DOCTOR has drawn on a piece of paper a diagram which shows the village church at its centre towered over by a huge dome - the heat barrier.) DOCTOR: Right, that's it. Now, as you can see, we're smack in the middle of a sort of lethal mushroom, about ten miles across and a mile high. Now... CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: I can understand that part of it all right, but can't you explain the wider issues, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, all right. Jo, Captain Yates, would you mind drawing the curtains? (JO and MIKE go to either end of the room and pull the curtains, putting the room into semi-darkness. SERGEANT BENTON pulls out a chair for MISS HAWTHORNE to sit on, next to the slide projector, behind which the DOCTOR sits.) DOCTOR: Come on, Jo, stir your stumps! (JO returns.) DOCTOR: Now then, all right? (JO nods and the DOCTOR turns on the projector. Displayed on a portable screen is a slide of a ancient artifact showing a bull-like creature.) DOCTOR: Now then, tell me - who's that? JO: An Egyptian god, isn't it? DOCTOR: Top of the class, Jo, top of the class. That's right, that's the Egyptian god Khnum - with horns. (He changes the slide. This shows a far bigger creature.) DOCTOR: Now, there's another one. A Hindu demon... JO & YATES & BENTON & MISS HAWTHORNE: (Interrupting together.) With horns! DOCTOR: (Taken back.) Oh...thank you very much! (He changes the slide again to show a early representation of the devil.) DOCTOR: And our old friend...the horned beast. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: I don't get it... DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Probably because I haven't finished, Captain Yates! CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Oh sorry, Doctor. MISS HAWTHORNE: Oh, you could go on all day and all night showing us pretty pictures. I mean, horns have been a symbol of power ever since... DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Ever since man began? (The DOCTOR has changed the slide again. This time it shows three almost identical creatures - all with horns.) DOCTOR: Exactly, but why? All right, Captain Yates, the curtains. (MIKE opens the curtains behind the DOCTOR. He walks round to the other side of the projector to address the group.) DOCTOR: Now creatures like those have been seen over and over again throughout the history of man. And man has turned them into myths, gods or devils, but they're neither. They are, in fact, creatures from another world. SERGEANT BENTON: Do you mean like the Axons and the Cybermen? DOCTOR: Precisely, only far, far older and immeasurably more dangerous. JO: And they came here in spaceships like that tiny one up at the barrow? DOCTOR: That's right. They're D mons from the planet D mos... (To JO.) ...which is? (She tells MIKE and BENTON what the DOCTOR had told her up at the barrow...) JO: Sixty thousand light years away on the other side of the galaxy. DOCTOR: And they first came to Earth nearly one hundred thousand years ago. [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY (A group of villagers have gathered in the vicarage hallway, including WINSTANLEY and TOM GIRTON. As they chatter, the MASTER pulls the Squire to one side and they walk up the stairs to the first landing from where they can address the group.) MASTER: Now, you'd better explain to them all why you've brought them together, then leave the rest to me. WINSTANLEY: Yes. (WINSTANLEY claps his hands for silence.) WINSTANLEY: Meeting to order, please. (The group falls silent.) WINSTANLEY: Thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Well now, it seemed to me that we ought to get together and discuss the situation, before it gets out of hand. (The group mutters its agreement.) WINSTANLEY: Now it seems...that the vicar here has had a few thoughts on the subject. So I've asked him to put in a word. Er, Mr. Magister. MASTER: Thank you. (The MASTER steps forward and looks down on the group.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR (The DOCTOR'S explanation continues...) JO: A spaceship, fifteen inches long? DOCTOR: That's right. Mind you, when it landed it was two hundred feet long and thirty feet across. But they diminished it, just as they diminished themselves, which accounts for the heatwave and the freeze-up. JO: (Puzzled.) Mmm? Sorry, could you say that again? I didn't quite follow you. DOCTOR: Oh, come on, Jo. E=MC2! JO: You're the Doctor! DOCTOR: (Exasperated.) Look, when you lose mass the energy has to go somewhere. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: I see, so all we've got to deal with is something which is either too small to see or thirty feet tall, can incinerate you or freeze you to death, turns stone images into homicidal monsters and looks like the very devil! DOCTOR: Exactly. SERGEANT BENTON: Well, I still don't get it. I mean, what's the creature doing here? I mean, why did they ever come? DOCTOR: To help Homo-sapiens kick out Neanderthal man. They've been coming and going ever since. Mmm, the Greek civilisation, the renaissance, the industrial revolution - they were all inspired by the D mons. MISS HAWTHORNE: But this thing the Professor let loose is evil - you said so yourself and...now you're trying to say they've been helping mankind for a hundred thousand years? JO: Yes, and you say they come from another planet - then what's all this jazz about witchcraft and covens and so on? DOCTOR: Look, don't you see? All the magical traditions are just remnants of their advanced science and that is what the Master is using. MISS HAWTHORNE: Then these creatures are linked with the black arts. They are evil! DOCTOR: Amoral perhaps. They help Earth but on their own terms. It's a scientific experiment to them - just another laboratory rat. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Then what's the Master up to? DOCTOR: He's established a link with the D mon. (Worried.) What worries me is the choice - domination by the Master or total annihilation. JO: Well, this D mon could destroy the world? DOCTOR: Oh, what does any scientist do with an experiment that fails? He chucks it in the rubbish bin. JO: The end of the world! [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY (The MASTER'S address begins...) MASTER: Now, a...as I told you, this is not going to be a sermon! (There is a small amount of laughter.) MASTER: But all the same, I do beg of you to listen carefully. Because this could be the most important day in your lives. (Several of the villagers look at each other.) MASTER: Now as you know, I am a newcomer among you, and yet...already I feel that I know you all. For instance, you, Mr. Thorpe... (They all look at the indicated man who smiles.) MASTER: Are you still padding the grocery bills of the local gentry? (The group start to mutter as the smile disappears from a shaken THORPE'S face.) THORPE: What...what are you on about - that's slander. MASTER: Now, now don't deny it - I know. (He looks at another villager.) MASTER: And you Charlie - how's your conscience? Do you think you'll manage to balance the post office books in time? (Charlie starts to look sheepish and shuffle on his feet as the villagers mutter again. The MASTER then addresses a man stood near to him.) MASTER: And you, Mr. Grenville - has your wife come back from her sisters yet? Will she ever come back, do you suppose? (Mr. Grenville looks round the group in shock. Some of them grin back at him but an angry muttering is breaking out.) MASTER: Now, now look please. Please do not be angry with me. I assure you that I'm on your side. Now listen, if you do what I say, you can all of you get whatever you want in this world, when you want it, if...you listen to me! [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR (The DOCTOR has donned his cloak.) DOCTOR: Now the D mon will appear three times and the third time he'll probably tell us what our fate is to be. Now he'll be in the cavern somewhere awaiting the Master's second call. SERGEANT BENTON: Then if we know where he is, why don't we go and find him? DOCTOR: You'd be wasting your time, Sergeant. At the moment he's so small he's...practically invisible. JO: Well, Doctor... DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Jo, would you give me a piece of paper and a pencil, please? (The DOCTOR goes to a table and sits as JO brings him the requested items. BERT appears and leans over a nearby settle, every inch the convivial landlord.) BERT THE LANDLORD: I wondered if you'd all care for a bite to eat? SERGEANT BENTON: Yes, please. JO: No, thanks. Not just now. The Doctor's a bit busy. BERT THE LANDLORD: Ah. Well, er, is it all right if I get on with a bit of clearing up? JO: Yes, fine, if you could do it quietly though. BERT THE LANDLORD: You won't know I'm here. JO: Thank you. (BERT starts at his task as CAPTAIN YATES' radio bleeps. He answers it.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Into radio.) Greyhound two? Come in please, over. [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Is that you, Yates? Now look, we're going to blast our way in. I'm calling up the artillery and RAF strike command. You lot had better evacuate to the cellar... [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) ...over. DOCTOR: What? (To CAPTAIN YATES.) Give me that. (The DOCTOR takes the radio as nearby BERT listens carefully.) DOCTOR: (Into radio.) You'll do no such thing, Lethbridge Stewart! Of all the idiotic suggestions! In the first place, the energy released would only strengthen the barrier, in the second place it would provoke the most appalling reprisals and in the third place I've got a better idea! Over. [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio, angrily.) Well, what? I'm not going to sit here like a spare... (He stops and collects himself.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Like a spare lemon waiting for the squeezer! Do you hear me, over. [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Have you got the mobile HQ there? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) Yes, of course. DOCTOR: (Into radio.) With the new Mark 4A condenser unit? [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ (The BRIGADIER looks over to SGT. OSGOOD who nods.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Apparently. (OSGOOD walks over and stands next to the BRIGADIER.) DOCTOR: (OOV: Over radio.) Good, then I've got your problem solved and mine. We're going to build a diothermic energy exchanger. Is your technical fellow there? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) He's listening. [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Right, well tell him to build an EHF wide-band width variable phase oscillator, with a negative feedback circuit tunable to the frequency of an air molecule at, erm, what is the temperature up at the barrier, Brigadier? [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ (OSGOOD shrugs and walks away.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) We've no idea what you're talking about, Doctor, over. [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Well, it's a simple enough question, over. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) No, what you said earlier - the oscillating feedback bit. DOCTOR: (Into radio.) All right, I'll come out and explain it to you myself. (Wiping a nearby table, BERT hears this and moves through the bar and into the back room as the DOCTOR continues.) DOCTOR: Yates and Benton can stay here and keep an eye open. Only don't touch anything until I get there - understood? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) All right, Doctor, we'll try it your way, but get a move on, will you? DOCTOR: (Into radio.) I'll be with you in ten minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Make it five, over and out. [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR (The DOCTOR pushes the aerial of the radio back in, gets up and passes the device back to MIKE.) JO: Of all the idiotic plans. As if blowing things up solves anything! DOCTOR: Jo, the Brigadier is doing his best to cope with an almost impossible situation. And since he is your superior officer, you might at least show him a little respect. (JO'S mouth opens at this put down.) DOCTOR: Coming? (She follows the DOCTOR out of the pub. BENTON smiles as he watches her go but quickly adopts a more somber tone as MIKE turns and looks at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY (The MASTER'S appeal to the villagers continues...) MASTER: I ask you what you want in life and I offer it to you. I tell you that everything is possible if you do as I say - everything! (BERT enters the vicarage.) BERT THE LANDLORD: Mr. Magister! MASTER: (Angrily.) Why do you interrupt me? BERT THE LANDLORD: The Doctor, he's trying... (The MASTER puts a finger to his lips...) MASTER: Shh! (...and walks down from the landing to where BERT whispers in his ear. As the villagers mutter, the MASTER gives him whispered instructions back. BERT nods and leaves. The MASTER snaps his fingers and signals to TOM GIRTON to come over. He does so.) MASTER: Girton... (GIRTON hears more whispered instructions. He nods his head and leaves the vicarage. The MASTER goes back up the landing next to a frowning WINSTANLEY and recommences his speech to the crowd but the atmosphere towards him has markedly changed and the people now view him with suspicion.) MASTER: Now please, as I was telling you - the whole world can be ours! I only need two things - your submission and your obedience to my will! WINSTANLEY: What's all this about obedience and submission? You said that we were going to rule. MASTER: (Caustically.) You rule?! Huh! Why you're all less than dust beneath my feet! (An angry hubbub breaks out from the crowd...) WINSTANLEY: Preposterous! MASTER: You choose to question me, do you? Very well, I'll give you another choice - obey me or I shall destroy you! (The crowds mutterings grow angrier...) WINSTANLEY: (To the MASTER.) Well, if that's your brave new world, you can keep it! (To the villagers.) I'm getting out of here and if the rest of you have got any sense, you'll come with me. (He walks down the stairs and joins the rest of the villagers.) THORPE: I reckon the Squire's right. Come on, let's get out of here! (Back on the landing, the MASTER closes his eyes and starts to mutter an incantation. Suddenly, BOK jumps in from an open window and looks to the MASTER for instructions. The villagers, particularly WINSTANLEY, cower back in fear. The MASTER points at WINSTANLEY who is holding up his hands in a pathetic attempt at protection. BOK turns and points a hand at the Squire. A bolt of fire shoots from the hand and the Squire is atomised in a puff of smoke. The villagers cry out in alarm.) MASTER: Right, does anybody else agree with the Squire? (No one does...) MASTER: Thank you. It does my heart good to know I have such a willing band of followers! (THORPE and his neighbours look at the MASTER in fear.) MASTER: Now, today is May Day. Go and enjoy yourselves. Celebrate the festival with your families. When I need you all, I shall summon you again. (The villagers leave the vicarage and the MASTER turns to a waiting and twitching BOK.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: EXT. VILLAGE GREEN (TOM GIRTON runs towards the UNIT helicopter and climbs inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR (CAPTAIN YATES sees this from the pub and dashes outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 39: EXT. VILLAGE GREEN (The blades of the helicopter start to rotate. GIRTON has a flying helmet in his hands which, when MIKE pulls the helicopter door open, he uses as a weapon to throw at YATES, knocking him to the ground. GIRTON jumps out of the helicopter and picks the soldier up, only to throw him back down and try to return to the machine. MIKE runs after him and grabs him round the neck but GIRTON easily throws him off and turns to face him. MIKE jumps up and punches GIRTON straight in the face but, to YATES' amazement, the villager hardly seems hurt by the blow. MIKE punches again but GIRTON grabs his arm and knocks him to the ground. He runs back to the helicopter and it takes off as MIKE shakes his head and, still somewhat dazed, watches it fly off into the sky above the village. MIKE spots his pistol which fell out of his jacket in the fight, picks it up and fires at the helicopter but he has no effect. He looks round and spots and motorcycle parked nearby. He jumps on it, starts it up and drives off out of the village.) [SCENE_BREAK] 40: EXT. COUNTRY ROAD (Bessie proceeds along a country road when JO spots the helicopter approaching.) JO: Look! (The DOCTOR stops the car as the helicopter comes in low and skims over the top of them. They duck and look over their shoulders.) DOCTOR: What's happening? I told Yates and Benton to stay in the pub! (The helicopter turns and makes another low pass.) DOCTOR: Who's flying that thing?! That's not Benton! (JO looks behind them.) JO: Well it's certainly not Mike - look! (She points at the figure of CAPTAIN YATES who is catching them up on the motorcycle in the distance. JO then sees the helicopter coming back in.) JO: Well, however it is, he's trying to kill us. (The DOCTOR re-starts Bessie.) DOCTOR: Hang on, Jo, we're in for a bumpy ride! (They move off at speed down the road, the helicopter buzzing them as they proceed. MIKE catches them up and rides abreast.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Shouts.) He's handling it like an expert! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Like a man possessed, you mean! (The helicopter turns again.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Look out, he's coming back! CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Shouts.) I'll try and drive off! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) No, you keep away. It's me he's after, not you! (YATES gives the DOCTOR a thumbs-up sign and pulls away. GIRTON smiles and comes in low again over BESSIE. Over at the nearby heat barrier, the BRIGADIER, surrounded by UNIT troops, lowers his binoculars in puzzlement.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What's Captain Yates up to? He'll kill the lot of them! SGT. OSGOOD: No sir, that's Captain Yates over there. (OSGOOD nods over to where YATES is firing up at the helicopter from his moving motorcycle. The helicopter comes in low again over Bessie.) JO: What's he trying to do?! DOCTOR: He's trying to drive us into the heat barrier! (YATES fires again at the turning helicopter which makes another low pass at the DOCTOR and JO. Watching this ahead, the BRIGADIER realises what is happening...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: He's heading straight for the heat barrier! (He lowers his binoculars and starts to wildly wave his arms.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) Get back! Back! (The DOCTOR sees the burnt strip of earth getting nearer and nearer as the two vehicle approach.) JO: It's the heat barrier - we're heading straight for it! (At the barrier, OSGOOD has joined his superior officer in waving his arms in alarm.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) Back! (The helicopter comes in low again...) DOCTOR: Hang tight, Jo! Hang on tight - now! (Mere feet from the barrier, he swerves to the right but JO falls out of the car as he does so. GIRTON cannot turn in time and flies straight into the barrier. The UNIT helicopter explodes in a huge fireball. The DOCTOR sees this and then looks down to where JO stops rolling across the ground and lies still.) [SCENE_BREAK] 41: EXT. VILLAGE CHURCHYARD (In the village churchyard, the MASTER a plume of black smoke on the horizon. He smiles, pats a gravestone in satisfaction and enters the church.) [SCENE_BREAK] 42: EXT. COUNTRY ROAD (The DOCTOR jumps out of Bessie and runs over to JO where he examines her. YATES brings the motorcycle to a stop and joins the DOCTOR.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: How is she? DOCTOR: She's had a nasty knock on the head. She'll be all right. You'd better load her into Bessie and take her down to the pub. ... CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Okay, what about you? DOCTOR: Well, I'd better go and have a word with the Brigadier. He's probably bursting a blood vessel by now. (YATES grins and starts to pick up JO. The DOCTOR gets onto the motorcycle and starts it up, setting off for the UNIT convoy as YATES puts JO into Bessie.) [SCENE_BREAK] 43: INT. CHURCH. CAVERN (The MASTER, with BOK scampering excitedly ahead of him, enters the cavern. He is again wearing his red satanic robes. The MASTER points to his plinth and the gargoyle runs over to it. The MASTER then approaches the altar. He bows his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 44: EXT. COUNTRY ROAD (At the heat barrier, the DOCTOR stops the motorcycle and gets off, approaching the strip of burnt earth. On the other side of it, a non-too pleased BRIGADIER is waiting.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Twenty thousand pounds of UNIT money gone up in a puff of smoke! DOCTOR: You've got the mind of an accountant, Lethbridge Stewart! So, this is your heat barrier is it? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, and I advise you to keep your distance. DOCTOR: Yes? (The DOCTOR picks up a rock and throws it into the air in front of him. A small explosion destroys it. Despite himself, the DOCTOR is impressed.) DOCTOR: Mmm, even rock. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Wood, rock, four-inch armour plate - you name it, we've tried it. It's impenetrable. DOCTOR: A hasty and inaccurate assessment, Brigadier. Tell me, have you got enough cable to reach those high tension pylons over there. (He points towards some electric pylons which run across a nearby field.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, we should have, why? DOCTOR: We'll need at least ten-thousand volts to get through this lot. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: All right, I'll lay things on. DOCTOR: Good, only please hurry - we may have very little time left. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sergeant Osgood? SGT. OSGOOD: Sir? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You'd better come and listen to the Doctor. You've got to build the wretched thing. (OSGOOD runs up.) SGT. OSGOOD: (To the DOCTOR.) What's the principal, sir? DOCTOR: Negative diothermic, sergeant. Buffer the molecular movement of the air with a reverse phase short-waves. It's quite simple. SGT. OSGOOD: Simple? It's impossible! DOCTOR: Yes, well, according to classical aerodynamics, it's impossible for a bumblebee to fly! [SCENE_BREAK] 45: INT. CHURCH. CAVERN (The MASTER lights some black candles on the altar and starts to mutter an incantation under his breath...) MASTER: By the power of earth, by the power of air, by the power of fire eternal and the waters of the deep, I conjure thee and charge thee Azal - arise, arise at my command, Azal, arise, arise. [SCENE_BREAK] 46: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". GUEST ROOM (JO lies in the bed in the guest room, recently vacated by the DOCTOR. CAPTAIN YATES and DR. REEVES attend her. JO is delirious, her head thrashing from side to side, her eyes closed and calling out...) JO: The cavern - he said the danger was in the cavern! DR. REEVES: Just lie still, my dear, try and relax. JO: But the... DR. REEVES: This won't hurt. (He swabs her arm.) JO: But the Doctor - I must help him find the Master! CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Take it easy, Jo. As soon as he gets back, we'll all go and sort the Master out. Now don't worry. (DR. REEVES gives JO an injection.) JO: But we must go now...there's no...time... (She falls silent as the injection takes effect.) DR. REEVES: That's better. A few hours sleep and she'll be as right as rain. [SCENE_BREAK] 47: INT. CHURCH. CAVERN MASTER: Eo evoheh! Eo evoheh Azal! I will speak with you! Show yourself! (A rumbling breaks out and a cold mist starts to fill the cavern. BOK looks round as a film of ice appears on the MASTER'S face. He turns and stares as something starts to rise from the painted stone and grows in height over him. A look of alarm appears on his face as the earth starts to shake and he falls to the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 48: EXT. COUNTRY ROAD (The tremors reach the heat barrier, throwing the DOCTOR and the men from UNIT around.) [SCENE_BREAK] 49: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". GUEST ROOM (They are enough to wake JO from her drug-induced sleep...) [SCENE_BREAK] 50: INT. "THE CLOVEN HOOF". MAIN BAR (...while downstairs, YATES, BENTON and MISS HAWTHORNE try to hold onto the bar and avoid flying glass and other objects.) MISS HAWTHORNE: The d mon! If he comes out, we shall all die! [SCENE_BREAK] 51: INT. CHURCH. CAVERN (The manifestation approaches the MASTER who slides back across the floor in panic...) MASTER: (Shouts.) No, no stop! Go back to the mark! Go back! You will destroy me! No! No!

The Doctor explains to his friends that the Master is trying to gain the power of the last of the Daemons, a race who influenced Earth's development, while the Master brings the rest of the village under his control.

fd_Blood_Feuds_01x05

fd_Blood_Feuds_01x05_0

Our nation is built upon a history of battles, fought over honor, family and power. These bloody and iconic chapters, define what it truly means to be an American. These are Blood Feuds. In the 1870s, two of America's most daring and powerful railroad men wage a brutal war for Colorado's Royal Gorge and control of the west. The classic moment in every western is the old west showdown, and that's exactly what happened here. The Royal Gorge is my land. [Gunshot] This is cloak and dagger stuff. The stakes were so high, [Gunshot] the first line to reach these destinations. They were going to realize the king's ransom. Narrator: William Strong is an industry titan who will use force to destroy his enemies. We'll crush you. [Suspenseful music plays] His rival, William Palmer, is an upstart tycoon ready to fight to the death to build an empire of his own. Over my dead body. It got bloody, it was fought in the trenches by men who were very adamant about not giving an inch on either side. Narrator: The Royal Gorge war is the ultimate American story of power and struggle, an epic feud for nothing less than the future of modern America. This was a fight that pitted two ruthless tycoons against each other. It had gunfights, armed standoffs, and everything that makes the west wild. [Suspenseful music climbs] [Gunshot] [Suspenseful music plays] My name is William Barstow Strong. I built the mighty Santa Fe Railway. [Whistle blows] But I don't just build railroads. I build empires. I do it by being the smartest and meanest son of a bitch in the room. [Suspenseful music plays] My name is William Jackson Palmer. I built the Rio Grande Railroad. Now, I have the courage and the vision to build through the Rocky Mountains. Palmer thinks he's a match for me? He'll learn the hard way. Careful, Palmer. Unless you've got a death wish. I'll crush Palmer and everything he's built. [Shouting] Whoo! Well, I got a message for Strong: This is war. [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: The feud which would shape modern America begins in Colorado in the late 1870s, at the peak of America's railroad expansion. Convery: The railroad companies were scrambling with each other to fill up the interior west, to get access to all of the settlements. Narrator: For the railroad companies, it's an all-out war to claim uncharted territory and control the vast, New Frontier market. We start to see really fierce competition to connect all the in-between places and spider webs start to go out in every direction. Narrator: Laying track in the wild west is no easy task. Railroad crews face harsh terrain, hostile Native American tribes, and ruthless outlaws. But some of the greatest threats come from the competition: Armed rival crews battling for turf to build the most lucrative routes. Railroad companies were really kind of like pirates. It's a free-for-all out in the open, everyone's armed, and everybody hates each other. [Gunshot] Narrator: In the 1870s, the biggest prize of all is in the southwest: The Colorado Rockies. The first railroad to cross these peaks will open new routes throughout the western states. So far, these epic mountains have proved unpassable. Convery: Surveyors had tried and failed in the 1840s. They had tried again in the 1860s. A direct, east-to-west passage between Colorado and California was simply impossible, at that time. Narrator: Laying track through the Rockies is the key to dominating the industry and shaping the very future of America. One man is determined to achieve this goal. William Strong is the powerful, 41-year-old vice president of the Topeka & Santa Fe Railway. Williamson: William Strong was Goliath, the big-money people from the east. He was a very hard-nosed individual. He drove a hard bargain. Narrator: From the start, Strong was a man of towering ambition. He was the quintessential self-made man of the 19th century. He was from the east, a very smart, "bring you up by your bootstraps" kind of guy. Narrator: Strong has just joined the massive Santa Fe Railway company to oversee their westward expansion. He's ruthless and he was willing to go head-to-head with anyone and outcompete them. Narrator: Strong's number-one goal: Find that elusive route through the Colorado Rockies. We need to pick up the pace, Morley. We need to get through the Rocky Mountains. I want to get there first. To help him with this mission, Strong has brought on one of the best young surveyors in the business: 31-year-old Ray Morley. Holland: Ray Morley is familiar with the land. He's a great surveyor. That's exactly the kind of person you need to have in the trenches there. We're held up here and here. Find me a route. Don't worry, sir. We will find a way. Narrator: With the deep pockets of the Santa Fe Railway behind him, Strong is determined that no one will beat him over those peaks. [SCENE_BREAK] But Strong isn't the only railroad man with big ideas. Another tycoon is trying to build up an empire of his own, with his eyes on the same Rocky Mountain prize. His name is William Jackson Palmer, founder of the upstart Denver & Rio Grande Railroad. William Jackson Palmer, he's a dreamer and you've got to admire that. Borneman: Palmer has really been a railroader almost since the day he was born. He cuts his teeth in the mountains of Pennsylvania. He learns how to build railroads through pretty rough country. Narrator: Palmer's ambition starts early. In the Civil War, he served the Union as a brigadier general. Borneman: He demonstrates himself as a leader. His men followed him all the way across the south, eventually leading up to the capture of Jefferson Davis. Convery: He was a man with fierce determination and a man who was very capable in getting things done. Narrator: After the war, Palmer travels the west and becomes entranced by the vast opportunities of laying rail in the frontier. He founds the fledgling Denver and Rio Grande Railroad, with successful routes in eastern Colorado. All of his work is directed towards one ambition: Be the first to lay track through the Rocky Mountains and conquer the west by rail. He's very much fixated on his dream of what the west is going to be. He writes his wife, at one point, and says, "you know, I had a dream about our empire and this little railroad that would snake its way along the Rockies." Narrator: Palmer studies every ridge and range in Colorado, convinced he can find a route. But, there's one problem: Palmer's budding railroad needs capital to help fund his new ventures. First, he must find investors. [Suspenseful music plays] Sir, I present to you the opportunity of a lifetime, a way to bring the Rio Grande Railroad through the Rockies, South. Going through the Rockies is risky, Palmer, and expensive. How do we know it's worth the investment? I guarantee you I found a way. Look here. Convery: Palmer had learned where the good routes where, where the good grades were, and he had a very thorough understanding of the geography of the Rocky Mountains. Narrator: One of the routes he's found is called the Raton Pass. It could connect Southern Colorado to New Mexico, tapping into the commerce of the Santa Fe trail. There's a place called the Raton Pass. Now, we can blast through that and lay tracks all the way to Santa Fe. We'll be the first, and only, railroad through. Do we have a deal? It's a deal. You better not disappoint. Narrator: Now that Palmer has enough cash to get started, there's only one thing in his way: William Strong of the Santa Fe. [SCENE_BREAK] The confrontation begins in early 1878. For months, Palmer has been surveying the Raton Pass, to find the best way through the treacherous terrain. He thinks he's kept this work a secret from the competition, but William Strong has his men all over the southwest, watching rival railroads. This is a competitive business, and each of these railroads have men in the field, sometimes as spies, sometimes just overhearing things, in terms of barroom gossip. Narrator: When Strong learns that the upstart Rio Grande Railroad is surveying the Raton Pass and might've found a way through, he decides to act fast. Holland: Santa Fe were a little bit of a bully. They were trying to monopolize the entire transcontinental railroad game. Narrator: A meeting is arranged between the two tycoons, to negotiate. Whiskey? Let's get down to business, Strong. I know you're lookin' to lay down tracks through the Rocky Mountains, South of Denver, and you know I've already staked a route through the Raton Pass. It's mine. Let me be clear: I've got the backing for this. You're drowning in debt. But, I have a deal I think will work for both of us. I'll build my tracks through the Raton Pass and then lease your outfit the right to run your railroad over them. [Scoff] Lease me the use of the land that I surveyed? Over my dead body. [Ominous music plays] Narrator: Strong arrogantly assumes Palmer will take the offer and concede the pass, rather than go head-to-head against the mighty Santa Fe. But Strong doesn't realize who he's up against. Don't start a fight that you can't finish. You don't scare me, Strong. Holland: Palmer basically gives him the middle finger and says, "up yours. I don't want anything to do with this. This is my land. I'm taking it. Get the hell outta here." Palmer, the Santa Fe Railroad is a giant. You can't compete. We'll crush you. [Suspenseful music climbs] Narrator: The gauntlet has been thrown. The fierce ambition of these two men is about to set them on a collision course that will stain the tracks with blood. [Shouting] All right! Narrator: Colorado, 1878. Two ambitious railroad men, William Palmer and William Strong, are in a head-to-head battle for the future of the American west. In their minds, whoever gains a path through the Rocky Mountains for their railroad gets the prize. And, now, they are fighting over a piece of land that could make all the difference: The Raton Pass in New Mexico. Let's get down to business, Strong. I've already staked a route through the Raton Pass. It's mine. Palmer, the Santa Fe Railroad is a giant. You can't compete. We'll crush you. Oh, we'll see about that. I've already surveyed those areas. I know my claim is solid. [Suspenseful music climbs] Palmer believes his early surveys of the pass is enough of a claim to entitle him to the land. But Strong knows that, in the railroad game, there's an axiom: Possession is nine-tenths of the law. Basically, whoever got to the ground first and took control of it had the first right. So, if you put a pick in, you really essentially blocked your competitors. Narrator: Strong and his surveyor, Morley, hatch a plan to beat Palmer by secretly laying track in the Raton Pass. But, first, they need to figure out the exact path through the Rockies. So Morley sets out to survey the land, but undercover, so not to be seen by the competition. Morley comes up with this brilliant plan to disguise himself as a Mexican sheepherder and go into the mountains, surveying. And, if Palmer and his men see him, they'll have no idea that he's working with Strong. Narrator: Wearing this disguise, Morley stays hidden from Palmer's workers. This is cloak and dagger stuff. The stakes were so high. The first railroad line to reach these destinations, they were going to realize the king's ransom. [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: When Santa Fe spies learn Palmer is planning to start construction on the tracks, Morley gathers a secret crew of workers the night before and arms then with more than just pickaxes. Under cover of darkness, Morley leads his armed crew on the trek up to the pass. They're taking lanterns and they're taking their picks, their shovels, guns, and they travel at night. [Suspenseful music plays] Narrator: Meanwhile, in the early morning, Palmer's crew is also heading up to the pass, and is nearly there. Palmer thinks his work to realize his grand vision is about to begin, but the tycoon is in for a big surprise. And, as they're going up the grade, what do they hear? They hear picks and shovels at work. [Grunt] Mornin', Mr. Palmer. Fine day today, isn't it? What in bloody hell you think you're doin'? Name's Morley. I'm supervisin' a crew for Mr. Strong. We're layin' track through here for the Santa Fe Railroad. [Suspenseful music plays] Convery: This is an outrageous moment and they realize "we are in the fight for our lives." Narrator: His rivals have outsmarted him and beaten his men to the pass. And it really raked his coals, to see this. He was furious. Morley, we'll blast you and your men outta here, if you don't clear out right now. [Suspenseful music climbs] Careful, Palmer. Unless you've got a death wish. We broke ground here. We aren't leavin'. Under that theory of possession being nine-tenths of the law, the Santa Fe really has preopted the right of way through there. Narrator: There's a choice to be made. Palmer thinks it's their right that they should be building on this. The question is are they going to start shooting? Is it going to get bloody? Narrator: Palmer can't stand giving in to his rival, but the Santa Fe men are holding their ground and a violent fight will do little to further the Rio Grande cause. Save it for another day, men. Let's go. We got no more business here. Palmer is furious. Everything he's worked for has just been lost to a more powerful competitor. Convery: The Santa Fe was bigger. It was richer. And, now, it had the route to Santa Fe, which had been Palmer's dream. Put your back into it. Narrator: He vows that he will get revenge on his rival, William Strong, and he won't lose again. This railroad war is just getting started. [SCENE_BREAK] April 1878. It's nearly two months since the Raton Pass standoff. Palmer had spent a large portion of his investors' money on that venture, and his small company doesn't have much left. Convery: If Palmer did not find an alternative way to make money off of this railroad, he was going to lose everything. Narrator: Palmer could focus on some safer routes to the east, but the idea of his rival, Strong, beating him over the Rockies is unbearable, so Palmer doubles down. There's another Rocky Mountain route he has dreamed about. It would connect Denver to a mining town to the west called Leadville. To get there means laying track through Colorado's legendary Royal Gorge. It's an impossibly narrow river canyon, at some points, only 30 feet wide, with room for only one train track. Strong ain't gonna beat us again. While the Raton Pass offered access to the commerce of the Santa Fe trail, the gorge is the path to untold riches and is now Palmer's last, and only, hope. The Royal Gorge, the gateway to the west. The first railroad line to reach Leadville will control a bonanza of wealth and the other railroads that come afterwards, they're just going to have to fight over the scraps. Narrator: The path through the Royal Gorge is so forbidding, it will take a miraculous feat of engineering. Palmer has surveyed it in the past and, driven by a fierce sense of pride and competition, believes it can be crossed. That gorge is tough terrain, sir. But it's not impossible, Deremer. Borneman: Palmer decides that he absolutely needs to control the Royal Gorge. He's not going to be beaten again by the Santa Fe. Narrator: This time, the Rio Grande crew is ready to play tough. Palmer's engineer, J.R. Deremer, who also served in the Civil War, is in charge of fortifications. These just came in. That oughta give Strong pause, if he ever messes with us again. [Ominous music plays] The Royal Gorge is ours and we're gonna take it. [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: As they plan their strategy for the gorge, Palmer demands all business be conducted in top secret. He sends orders to his team in specially encrypted telegrams. What a way to do business, right? It's like a James Bond film. Narrator: But William Strong has been in the game a long time and he knows all the tricks. He's set up a system throughout the state to intercept competitors' telegraphs and Palmer's secret codes are no match for Strong's operation. Fortunately, for Strong, they were able to crack the code of Palmer's telegraph line. Convery: Again, it's real cloak and dagger stuff. Now Strong knows Palmer's entire game plan and that's a huge advantage in this competition. Narrator: Strong intends to lay track in the Royal Gorge first and beat his rival, Palmer, once again, just as he had done before, in the Raton Pass. Holland: Strong sends a telegram back to the Santa Fe company, saying, "we don't want to get left. We can't get left." Narrator: As before, Strong taps Ray Morley to do his dirty work. He instructs him to get to the Royal Gorge as fast as possible and round up a crew along the way. Morley boards the next train bound for Ca on City, the nearest town to the gorge. But there's one hitch: The train is operated by Palmer's Rio Grande. So Morley gets on his competitor's train and takes a seat. But the train shows no sign of leaving. Morley waits some more. When's this train going to leave? Narrator: The delay is no accident. The Rio Grande station master, who works for Palmer, recognizes Morley boarding the train and is now holding the train in the station, to prevent Morley from getting anywhere near the Royal Gorge. Morley has now lost valuable hours. Finally, Morley determines that the Rio Grande have made him. Damn it. [Suspenseful music plays] Holland: He thinks fast. He gets on a horse, gallops 35 miles through the night, and gets to Ca on City. Narrator: After his all-night ride, Morley arrives the next morning, exhausted. But there's no time to rest. He knows the Rio Grande men must be on their way to lay track in the gorge. He needs to get there first. Men, I represent the Santa Fe Railway. Promising huge wages, he quickly gathers a group and sets out. [Shouting] $10! But Palmer has already mobilized his own crew and they are also rushing to get to the gorge. Once again, the race is on. It's only been 6 weeks since the race to Raton Pass and these two lines are at it again. Narrator: This time, Palmer's sure his men will be there first. But as they approach the canyon, the group comes to a dead halt. [Suspenseful music climbs] Once again, there's the Santa Fe, ahead of them. [SCENE_BREAK] Morley. Palmer. What the hell you doin' here? Royal Gorge is my land. It's ours now. You got here late. We got here first. [SCENE_BREAK] [Suspenseful music plays] Now, get the hell outta here, before someone gets hurt. [Suspenseful music climbs] Convery: And, this time, everybody has guns. Tempers are getting short. Narrator: There's only room for one railroad to pass through the Royal Gorge. The question is: Who will win the fight to claim it? Who will blink and who will be ready to risk it all? Narrator: Colorado, 1878. In the Rocky Mountains, William Palmer's Rio Grande Railroad crew stands toe-to-toe against their rivals from the Santa Fe Railway, in a battle to claim the Royal Gorge, the key to rail expansion in the west. Royal Gorge is my land. It's ours now. [Suspenseful music plays] In this narrow gorge, there's only room to build one set of railroad tracks. This was a winner-take-all war. There was no consolation prize for the losers. [Train whistle blows] Both crews have their trigger fingers ready. Palmer is enraged that, once again, his rivals have beaten him to the pass. You bastards won't get away with this. Incredibly, Palmer appears to back down, once again. All right. We're goin'. But I promise you: This ain't over. Narrator: As they walk away, Palmer's men are stunned by his apparent retreat. But it turns out their boss has a plan. [Crickets chirp] I'll be damned if we're leavin'. Not this time. Deremer, you remember that place we surveyed the gorge, up the river? Yeah, boss. I want you and McMurter to take a team of our men, go 20 miles into the gorge, and start layin' track. Now, the Santa Fe crew may be able to build track into the gorge, but they won't be able to lay track out. Palmer's a consummate general. And, once he realizes that he's been outmarched, once again, by the Santa Fe, his plan his to flank them. His strategy was to build higher up on the line and essentially stop and hold the Santa Fe inside the canyon. We're gonna block the exit. Take some guns. You hold that line. You understand what I'm sayin'? All right. Get to it. [Suspenseful music plays] Narrator: While Morley and his men go back to work, Palmer's crew sneaks around them and heads farther upstream. Holland: The Santa Fe guys don't even see this. They thought they had left and this allows them to leapfrog over the Santa Fe guys and give them some ground up the gorge. So they're at one end of the gorge and the Santa Fe is at the other end. Narrator: Before long, Morley is told a shocking update: Palmer's crew has already started grading several miles upriver in the gorge, thereby blocking the Santa Fe's passage through. When William Strong hears of this, he's livid. He thought he had already taught Palmer a lesson. But now, with both crews entrenched in the gorge building track, blocking the other's progress, it's a stalemate. Days turn to weeks, and neither side will back down. Convery: Now, it's these two generals, Strong and Palmer, trying to get their troops in position to have the geographic advantage. Narrator: As tensions and the threat of violence continue to rise in the gorge, both companies prepare for a court battle to determine who has the better legal claim. Palmer believes he does, based on his early surveys of the area, but a court battle will take months and a long stalemate gives the advantage to Strong. Strong and the Santa Fe had very deep pockets and so it wasn't a big deal for them to hire the lawyers to fight the claim in the courts. Strong ultimately believed that the economic clout of the Santa Fe would overpower the smaller, upstart Rio Grande. [Suspenseful music plays] Narrator: Palmer refuses to back down, but with every passing day, he's spending more and more money on supplies and men building track in the gorge. The Rio Grande stockholders let him know this turf war can't go on much longer. Convery: It's hurting their stock value. The directors are getting nervous. They're putting pressure on Palmer to find a solution, no matter what. Narrator: Meanwhile, in the gorge, tension reaches a boiling point, as a revolving door of hired armed thugs guard one crew or the other and sabotage is the order of the day. Come on. It's those Santa Fe sons of bitches! They've arrived. Yeah. What are we gonna do? That would be a shame, if something happened to them. Like an avalanche. Narrator: The Rio Grande crew comes up with creative ways to up the campaign of intimidation and confrontation. They were tipping rocks down off the cliffs and smashing equipment, throwing it in the river. Yeah! Whoohoo! One of the accounts was dynamite was used to bring rocks down on the other crew. Holland: Luckily, none of the Santa Fe guys get killed, but it definitely wrecks a lot of their equipment and slows them down. Narrator: The situation grows more and more explosive. Then, Palmer's men up the ante even more. Deremer creates an arbitrary line in the gorge and he tells his men to send a message to the enemy. If the Santa Fe crew crosses this so-called deadline, the consequences will be fatal. Holland: That's the point of no return. That is drawing the line in the sand and saying, "this is ours." They're going to die, if they go across. Narrator: Up to this point, the Royal Gorge war has been fought with intimidation, spies, and sabotage, but, with a line drawn in the sand, it looks certain blood will be shed. Come on, boys. Narrator: In the fall of 1878, two rival railroads are locked in a battle for control over Colorado's Royal Gorge. The winner secures an east-west route for their railroad and the control of the future of American Western expansion. Two lines, one route. Only one of those two railroads is going to make it through the canyon. Narrator: The Rio Grande company has just drawn a line in the sand for how far into the gorge the Santa Fe can lay track before guns start blazing. For now, the Santa Fe crew refrains from crossing this so-called deadline, to avoid a bloodbath. Instead, their leader, William Strong, continues his strategy of delaying and outspending his smaller rival. And it works. Palmer's railroad is in dire straits and his great dream of an empire is in tatters. Convery: Palmer runs out of money. He just can't continue his war against the Santa Fe. There's a letter for you, sir. Narrator: In October, Palmer receives devastating news from his board of directors. [Suspenseful music climbs] Those weak sons of bitches! What is it, sir? Our stockholders. Narrator: In a bid to keep from going broke, the stockholders decide to lease the tracks Palmer has already laid to the Santa Fe line, and Strong. They're leasing the Rio Grande to Strong. Our rails, our depots, everything, everything we've ever built! It's a gut blow. All that Palmer has worked for will now be in the hands of his competitors and his Nemesis, William Strong. What?! Palmer is aghast with this. Lease his railroad, his own flesh and blood, to a competitor? Those weak sons of bitches! How can they do that? We're broke. They don't have the guts and they don't have the vision. Narrator: Palmer knows his stockholders' decision is based on money, but, now, he's fighting for pride. But I'm not done yet. I will never be ready to give it all over to Strong. [Suspenseful music climbs] For William Strong, this victory is as sweet as it gets. He can now control the Colorado railways that took Palmer years to build. And the Santa Fe soon takes over the Rio Grande stations, depots, and roundhouses all over the state. For Palmer, the humiliation is unbearable. He has to sit, for a period of about 6 months, and watch as this big competitor, the Santa Fe, not only holds the Royal Gorge hostage, but also basically operates the Rio Grande as its own. It seems like a defeat for Palmer. [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: But, in the west, fortunes can turn on a dime. Just when it seems Palmer can't hang on any longer, he gets the break he's been waiting for. The supreme court rules in his favor in the Royal Gorge case. Convery: Because of their earlier work, because of their surveys, the Rio Grande had the right to build a line through the Royal Gorge. Narrator: Strong will have to concede the gorge to Palmer. But there's an even bigger blow to come. In another stunning ruling, a court also orders Strong to return control of the Rio Grande Railroad and all of its stations, and roundhouses, to Palmer. Instantly, the tables have turned. Convery: When the courts finally decide in favor of the Denver Rio Grande, the Santa Fe is ordered to give its depot and its equipment over to the Rio Grande. Narrator: Strong is enraged. For months, he's been in charge of the rails in Colorado. Whatever the courts say, he decides he will not concede this battle to his foe, Palmer. Strong wasn't going to give up that easily. Narrator: He files an appeal and, as he waits, orders all of his men to stay put in the former Rio Grande depots. If Palmer is to get them back, he'll have to fight for them. Colorado's a long way away from the United States supreme court and, if you have armed men on the ground, that seems to go a lot farther than a court order. [Suspenseful music plays] Narrator: Palmer, now with the law behind him, is ready to use force, if he must. Palmer takes the field with a group of workers to try to take over various stations, and he's pretty successful at that. His train depots start falling like dominoes. A lot of the Santa Fe guys retreat. They leave. Narrator: Furious, Strong escalates the fight and hires an armed posse to go to battle against Palmer's men. Bell: Strong put together this incredible dream team of gunfighters to work for the Santa Fe. Narrator: Among them is the legendary lawman and gunslinger Bat Masterson. Bat Masterson had such a reputation at this time, he was known as one of "The Guns." Borneman: The Santa Fe looked to Bat Masterson to come to Colorado and put a little muscle behind the Santa Fe's efforts. Narrator: William Palmer isn't intimidated. The former general hires an even bigger army. Palmer, not to be outdone, he went out and got 200 guys, so, if he didn't have the star power and the names, he certainly had the numbers. [Suspenseful music climbs] Narrator: No longer a fight for just the Royal Gorge, the blood feud between Palmer and Strong now spills over to the depots, tracks, and roundhouses of Colorado. [Suspenseful music plays] On June 11, 1879, a handful of Palmer's armed men are traveling South from Denver, with court orders in hand to take back more Rio Grande depots. Meanwhile, rumor spreads that, near the town of La Veta, a few Santa Fe workers stubbornly hold down the local train depot. Williamson: So the story goes Palmer's guys find two of the Santa Fe guys... [gunshots] And they just mow 'em down, kill them right on the spot. [Gunshot] [Gunshot] [Suspenseful music climbs] Narrator: The alarms sound on the Santa Fe side. Strong decides to consolidate his forces in the Santa Fe's most strategically vital holding that they still have: A train station in Pueblo, Colorado. He sends Bat Masterson and the gunslingers to organize a defense there. After losing substantial ground to the Rio Grande Railroad, this will be their last stand. Borneman: So what happens is that Bat and his crowd are ensconced in the Pueblo roundhouse. There's a rumor that they borrowed the Cannon from the local armory and were determined that, no matter what the courts said, they weren't going to give up possession of it. Pueblo is the last stronghold for the Santa Fe. Narrator: At 3:00 pm on June 11, 1879, a posse of Palmer's armed men arrives in Pueblo. They have one mission: Take back the Rio Grande property. They know that Masterson and the gunslingers are holding the roundhouse, so they start their attack on the telegraph office, guarded by several armed Santa Fe men. All right! Come out with your hands up, or we're comin' in! Get in there! Whoo-oo-oo! This moment will decide what will be written in the history books. Who will claim ownership for America's future in the west? [Gunshots] Narrator: Colorado, 1879. In the town of Pueblo, armed men from the Rio Grande Railroad are about to storm a telegraph office held by their rivals from the Santa Fe. All right! Come out with your hands up, or we're comin' in! Too many of them! Inside, the men from the Santa Fe refuse to back down. We got orders to hold this office, no matter what, and we're not giving it up to the Rio Grande! All right! They had their chance! On three! One, two, three! Get in there! Whoo-oo-oo! Williamson: They knock the door down. The people that are in the telegraph office hightail it out the back. They all get away. Except one poor individual. [Shouting] [Two gunshots] He takes a bullet in the back. Holland: And it gets ugly. This guy getting shot takes everything to a whole new level. Everyone realizes this is gonna be serious bloodshed. [Suspenseful music plays] Narrator: The showdown in Pueblo isn't over. As night falls, hired gun Bat Masterson and his men still hold the Pueblo roundhouse for the Santa Fe. It's the final stronghold of William Strong's resistance. The Rio Grande posse enlists help from the law for their final attack. Borneman: The Rio Grande crew went to the local sheriff and said, "look, the court's saying we have the right to take our possessions back." Williamson: The sheriff gets some deputies, gives them firearms. "We're going to force these people to surrender." Bell: The classic moment in every western is the old west showdown, and that's exactly what happened here. [Shouting] [Suspenseful music climbs] Bat Masterson! Come on out! This is the law! You need to surrender! I'm holdin' this property under the law, for the Santa Fe Railway. I am the law, Masterson. This is the property of the Rio Grande Railroad! You need to come out, now, or we're comin' in, guns a-blazin'. Narrator: Just when bloodshed seems imminent, the Rio Grande's leader, William Palmer, reportedly arrives on the scene. Sheriff, maybe I can help out. From the start, this feud was about money. Give 'em this. A little incentive. A power struggle between Strong and Palmer, two men locked in a battle for an empire. Masterson. So it's only fitting that money wins out, in the end. [Suspenseful music plays] Maybe there's a way that, uh, we can settle this without bloodshed. Bell: And, allegedly, rumor says that they offered Masterson a $10,000 reward to give up. Narrator: The hired guns have no problem shifting loyalty to a bigger paycheck. All right, gentleman, lower your weapons. Anyone who doesn't is gonna get shot. By me. Narrator: And so, the battle in Pueblo is over and, with it, the stage is set to end the war. Convery: Ultimately, after all of the gunplay and all of the court battles, the directors of the Santa Fe and the Rio Grande both say, "enough! We need to make the peace." Narrator: The east coast investors broker an epic deal that will restore profitability across the board. It's called the Treaty of Boston. Convery: Through the Boston Treaty, the Santa Fe received access to Santa Fe and New Mexico and, ultimately, California. And the Denver and Rio Grande's territory was defined as Colorado and Utah. Narrator: Palmer will buy out the Santa Fe track in the Royal Gorge, and thus realize his dream of running a line through the gorge from Denver to Leadville. Eventually, the Rio Grande becomes a successful regional line throughout Colorado and Utah. By the time Palmer resigns as president, in 1883, he's a multimillionaire. Borneman: Ultimately, Palmer has really become a philanthropist and a very loyal person to all of the men who worked for him. [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: But Strong, after conceding the gorge, builds something even bigger. His rail line through the Raton Pass ultimately connects Santa Fe to California and the Pacific coast. It becomes one of the most revered railroads in the country. The Santa Fe became the famous tourist railroad line, the line that Americans flock to, in order to see the romantic southwest. Holland: Strong becomes a very successful man. He lives to 77 years of age and leaves a legacy of all the rail line that he basically brought across the whole Western United States. [Whistle blows] [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: Today, the epic feud between William Strong and William Palmer remains the stuff of legend and these two men will be forever enshrined in history, as both bold visionaries and epic brawlers. It really comes down to David and Goliath. It's the big guy versus the little guy and these two guys were the epitome of the American west. Borneman: The whole development of the American southwest owes a lot to the railroads. Put your back into it. People of any generation have their heroes, the men and women who get things done. Strong, for the Santa Fe; And Palmer, for the Rio Grande; really showed what can be done if you have a vision and you have a dream.

Rival railroads the Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe Railway and the Denver & Rio Grand Railroad race to reach the narrow Royal Gorge first after Leadville, Colorado strikes silver in the 1870's.

fd_Doctor_Who_07x03

fd_Doctor_Who_07x03_0

EXT. DESERT, NIGHT As we pan across and down from the night sky, there is a WOMAN'S voice-over. WOMAN: When I was a child, my favourite story was about a man who lived forever, but whose eyes were heavy with the weight of all he'd seen, a man who fell from the stars. A futuristic drone glides over the ground. It is targeted and shot down. As it falls to the ground, we see a MAN kneeling on the ground behind it. The MAN is targeted as well. MAN: I knew you'd find me eventually. The GUNSLINGER raises his arm which is a futuristic weapon. He speaks in a robotic voice. GUNSLINGER: Make peace with your gods. MAN: Once they were your gods too. GUNSLINGER: Not anymore. The MAN turns and slowly crawls away. He reaches for a gun lying on the ground and the GUNSLINGER shoots him. He falls backwards onto the ground with a groan. The GUNSLINGER walks up and we see only one eye is human, the other mechanical. He raises his gun again. MAN: Am I the last one? GUNSLINGER: There's one more. The Doctor. (fires) [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith [SCENE_BREAK] Karen Gillan [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur Darvill "A Town Called Mercy" By Toby Whithouse PRODUCER Marcus Wilson DIRECTOR Saul Metzstein [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TOWN, DAY The DOCTOR stands in the road, arms crossed, and reads the sign marking entrance to the town. The population has been crossed out and added to. There is also a "Keep Out" sign nailed to the post. DOCTOR: "Mercy, 81 residents." AMY and RORY are standing off to the side looking at a line of stones and branches that seem to ring the town. AMY: Look at this. It's a load of stones and lumps of wood. The DOCTOR takes out his sonic and runs it along the line. AMY: What is it? DOCTOR: A load of stones and lumps of wood. The DOCTOR steps over the line and, from above, the GUNSLINGER watches. RORY: Er, the sign does say, "Keep out." DOCTOR: I see keep-out signs as suggestions more than actual orders. Like dry clean only. The DOCTOR rubs his hands together before turning and heading into town. AMY and RORY follow him. EXT. TOWN, STREET, DAY They walk down the street and are stared at from behind windows and doorways. A woman clutches her daughter closely. Streetlamps line the road and one sparks as they get close. DOCTOR: That's not right. (scans with sonic) RORY: It's a street lamp. DOCTOR: An electric street lamp about ten years too early. RORY: It's only a few years out. DOCTOR: That's what you said when you left your phone recharger in Henry VIII's en-suite. AMY: Doctor, um... DOCTOR: Anachronistic electricity, keep-out signs, aggressive stares... Has someone been peeking at my Christmas list? (takes a toothpick from jacket pocket and puts it in mouth) AMY: Doctor! INT. SALOON, DAY The saloon seems to be doing a brisk business. A man plays piano as men drink at the tables or play poker. The DOCTOR pushes open the bat-wing doors and the music and chatter stops. He saunters over to the bar, puts his hand down on the counter and orders in a fake American accent. DOCTOR: Tea. But the strong stuff. Leave the bag in. (tries to flip the toothpick but it gets stuck) BARTENDER: What you doing here, son? DOCTOR: Son? (laughs) You can stay. Behind them, a man stands, hands gripping his lapels. He's the PREACHER. PREACHER: Sir, might I enquire who you is? DOCTOR: (turns) Of course. I am the Doctor, this is... All the men in the saloon stand. DOCTOR: No need to stand. (turns to AMY and RORY) You see that? Manners. Another MAN walks up behind the DOCTOR and measures his shoulders. DOCTOR: (turns) Oh, thank you, but I don't need a new suit. MAN: I'm the undertaker, sir. A YOUNG MAN steps forward. YOUNG MAN: I got a question. Is you an alien? DOCTOR: Well, um... Bit personal. It's all relative, isn't it? I mean, I think YOU'RE the aliens. But in this context, yes. Yes, I suppose I am. The men rush the DOCTOR, lifting him and carrying him outside. EXT. TOWN, STREET, DAY The men carry the DOCTOR along the street, AMY and RORY are restrained as they follow. AMY: Doctor! Put him down! MAN: Don't think we won't kill you. AMY: Doctor! RORY: Leave her alone! DOCTOR: Don't worry! Everything is completely under control! AMY: (fights those holding her) Get off me! DOCTOR: Guys! Guys! Oh, dear. (is thrown over the line) Whoa! (stands and cracks his back) Aargh. Ow. The DOCTOR turns back to the town and the men draw their guns on him. The DOCTOR raises his hands. In the distance behind him we see the GUNSLINGER approaching by teleporting shirt distances. PREACHER: He's coming. Oh, God. He's coming. YOUNG MAN: Preacher... Say something. PREACHER: Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done... As the PREACHER prays, the DOCTOR slowly turns and sees the GUNSLINGER. He tries to get back over the line but the men refuse to lower their weapons. A gunshot is fired. Everyone turns to look at the newcomer. MAN: You. Bow tie. (DOCTOR points at himself) Get back across that line. (reveals badge) Now. The DOCTOR steps back across the line. The GUNSLINGER stops then disappears. YOUNG MAN: Isaac, he said he was a doctor... an alien doctor. ISSAC: That a reason to hand him to his death? YOUNG MAN: But, Isaac, it could be him! ISSAC: You know it ain't. (turns and walks away with a nod to AMY) Ma'am. The DOCTOR brushes himself off and straightens his jacket before following after ISSAC. AMY and RORY followed him. Some of the townsfolk aren't so happy. MAN 1: Just let him go like that? MAN 2: Be seeing you, boy. INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY ISSAC walks over to the desk as the DOCTOR, RORY and AMY enter. DOCTOR: What was that outside? ISSAC: (sits on the corner of his desk) The Gunslinger. Showed up three weeks back. We've been prisoners ever since. You see that borderline, stretching round the town? Woke up one morning, there it was. Nothing gets past it, in or out. No supply wagons, no reinforcements. Pretty soon, the whole town's going to starve to death. RORY: But... he let US in. ISSAC: You ain't carrying any food, just three more mouths to feed. We'll all die even sooner now. DOCTOR: What happens if someone crosses the line? ISSAC tosses the DOCTOR a Stetson and he catches it. DOCTOR: Ah, well...(puts a finger through bullet hole) He wasn't a very good shot then. ISSAC: He was aiming for the hat. DOCTOR: He shoots people's hats?! AMY: I think it was a warning shot. DOCTOR: (passes hat to RORY) Ah. No. Yes. I see. Hmmm. AMY: (gets the hat from RORY) What does he want? Has he issued some kind of demand? AMY passes hat back to RORY who then passes it back to the DOCTOR who, in turn, throws it back to ISSAC. ISSAC: He says he wants us to give him "the alien doctor". AMY: But that's you. Why would he want to kill you? Unless he's met you. RORY: And how could he know we'd be here? (whisper) We didn't even know we'd be here. AMY: (to ISSAC) We were aiming for Mexico. The Doctor was taking us to see the Day of the Dead Festival. ISSAC: Mexico's 200 miles due south. DOCTOR: (notices light flicker) Well, that's what happens when people get toast crumbs on the console. Anyway, I think it's about time I met him, don't you? (sit on railing) ISSAC: Who? DOCTOR: The chap outside said I could be the alien doctor, but you said I wasn't. So you already know who it is. Two alien Doctors! We're like buses. Resident 81, I presume. So beloved by the townsfolk, he warranted an alteration to the sign. Probably because he rigged up these electrics. And I'm guessing he's in here because if half the town suddenly wanted to throw me to my death... this is where I'd want to be. (hops off the rail and heads for the cell) ISSAC: I don't know what you... (tries to stop the DOCTOR) MAN: It's all right, Isaac. I think the time for subterfuge has passed. (gets up from bunk) Good afternoon. My name is Kahler-Jex. I'm the doctor. JEX is dressed like a professional of the time. He also has a tattoo along the right side of his face similar to that of the man killed earlier. EXT. DESERT, DAY The GUNSLINGER stands on a bluff overlooking the town and watches. INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY The DOCTOR shakes JEX'S hand vigorously. DOCTOR: The Kahler. I love the Kahler. One of the most ingenious races in the galaxy, seriously. They could build a spaceship out of Tupperware and moss. AMY gently pushes the DOCTOR down into a chair and he releases JEX'S hand. AMY: All right. How did you get here? JEX: (sits behind ISSAC'S desk) My craft crashed about a mile or so out of town. I would have died if Isaac and the others hadn't pulled me from the wreckage. DOCTOR: And you stayed? As their doctor? JEX: On my world, I was a surgeon, so it seemed logical and it gave me an opportunity to repay my debt to them. ISSAC: Listen to him. Talking like it was nothing. Tell them about the cholera. (slaps JEX on the back) JEX: Now, Isaac, I'm sure our guests aren't... ISSAC: Two years after he arrived, there was an outbreak of cholera. Thanks to the doc here not a single person died. JEX: A minor infection we'd found a treatment for centuries ago. ISSAC: No, no, no. What do you call them? The lectricks? JEX: Using my ship as a generator, I was able to rig up some rudimentary heating and lighting for the town. DOCTOR: (leans forward) So why does the Gunslinger want you? ISSAC: It don't matter. DOCTOR: I'm just saying, if we knew... ISSAC: America's a land of second chances. We called this town Mercy for a reason. Others... Some round here don't feel that way. JEX: Now, Isaac, we've discussed this. ISSAC: People whose lives you saved are suddenly saying we should hand you over. JEX: They're scared, that's all. You can hardly blame them. ISSAC: Them being scared, scares me. War only ended five years back. That old violence is still under the surface. We give up Doc Jex, then we're handing the keys of the town over to chaos. DOCTOR: Did you try to repair your craft? Surely someone with your skills... JEX: It really was very badly damaged. DOCTOR: (stands) We evacuate the town. Our ship's just over the hills. Room for everyone. (sits on desk) I'll pop out, bring it back here. Robert's your uncle. AMY: Really? Simple as that? No crazy schemes? No negotiations? DOCTOR: I've matured. I'm 1,200 years old now. Plus, I don't want to miss "The Archers". (stands, picks up Stetson and heads for door) AMY: Oh, so you're not even a tiny bit curious? DOCTOR: Why would I be curious? It's a mysterious space cowboy assassin. Curious? Of course I'm not curious. (steps outside) ISSAC: Son? (DOCTOR comes back) You've still got to get past the Gunslinger. How you going to do that? DOCTOR: (puts on Stetson) With a little sleight of hand. The DOCTOR steps outside. RORY and AMY just look at each other. EXT. DESERT, DAY RORY and ISSAC are running across the desert, ISSAC is wearing JEX'S coat and hat. ISSAC: You OK? RORY: Yeah, fine. Yeah. Keep moving. ISSAC: Next time... you get to wear Jex's clothes. From an opposite ridge, the GUNSLINGER watches. He zooms in on ISSAC, but when RORY gets in the way, his computer registers 87% chance of injury to innocent and to disengage. He lowers his weapon. EXT. TOWN, DAY The DOCTOR walks up to the PREACHER who is at a hitching post with his horse. DOCTOR: Can I borrow your horse, please? It's official Marshall business. (mounts horse) PREACHER: He's called Joshua. It's from the Bible. It means "The Deliverer." The horse neighs. DOCTOR: No, he isn't. PREACHER: What? DOCTOR: I speak horse. He's called Susan. And he wants you to respect his life choices. The DOCTOR and SUSAN gallop out of town. EXT. DESERT, DAY RORY and ISSAC are making their way along the base of a ridge when the ground between them explodes from a gunshot. RORY: I, uh... I think he's seen us. ISSAC takes RORY by the arm. ISSAC: This way. INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY JEX looks out the window while AMY sits on the desk. AMY: When this is all done, do you want us to take you home? JEX: Thank you, but I have already given everything I have to the Kahler. My skills, my energy... all that was good in me. But here... I could start afresh. I could remember myself and help people. That's all I ever wanted to do. End suffering. AMY: (stands) Here. (puts his jacket over his shoulders) JEX: You're a mother, aren't you? AMY: How did you know? JEX: There's kindness in your eyes. And sadness. But a ferocity too. AMY: It wasn't exactly straightforward. JEX: It seldom is. AMY: And what about you? Are you a father? JEX: Yes. In a way, I suppose I am. EXT. DESERT, DAY ISSAC and RORY take cover against the base of a rocky ledge. ISSAC: So, we wait here till the Doctor comes to pick us up in your ship. RORY: Yes, I know. I was there when we agreed it. ISSAC: Yeah, I said that more for my benefit more than yours. [SCENE_BREAK] The DOCTOR is galloping along on SUSAN along a dirt road. He sees something that attracts his attention and slows the horse to a halt. DOCTOR: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. (SUSAN neighs.) Yeah, I know we're in a hurry. I just want to check something out. (dismounts) Two ticks. There's something niggling me. (SUSAN snorts) Yes. (goes down on his knees) Yes, it could be important. (SUSAN whinnies) Oi, don't swear. The DOCTOR finds a hose running along the ground, holds it up in both hands and sniffs it. He then tugs it loose. INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY The lights flicker and JEX looks at one through his monocle. EXT. DESERT, DAY The DOCTOR drops the line and runs back to SUSAN. INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY JEX continues to look at the lights, a look of concern on his face. EXT. DESERT, DAY The DOCTOR follows the line to where it ends, sparking. DOCTOR: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. (SUSAN snorts as he dismounts) Yes, I wear a Stetson now. The DOCTOR goes up to the mound connected to the line and pulls off a tarp to reveal an ovoid. SUSAN snorts. DOCTOR: Yes, good point, Susan. (examines capsule) Where IS the damage? [SCENE_BREAK] The GUNSLINGER walks to the edge of the ridge and looks down. ISSAC reaches out a hand to keep RORY pressed back against the wall so they won't be seen. The GUNSLINGER picks up their heat signatures and raises his gun to fire. [SCENE_BREAK] The DOCTOR climbs on top of the capsule where he knocks and taps on its surface proving it to be hollow inside. He jumps on it and even slaps it before taking out the sonic and using it on the top. This sets off alarms. The DOCTOR covers his ears as a door slides open. [SCENE_BREAK] The sound carries through the desert. The GUNSLINGER hears it and lowers his arm before turning away. ISSAC and RORY lean out to make sure he's gone before leaving in the opposite direction. INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY AMY opens the main doors and steps out followed by JEX. EXT. TOWN, DAY AMY and JEX stand on the porch and look out into the desert. JEX: That's the alarm on my ship! AMY: Maybe the Doctor wants to get it working again. JEX: But that wasn't the plan. He's not following the plan. AMY: Welcome to my world. JEX goes back inside and AMY stays on the porch. EXT. DESERT, DAY With a groan, the DOCTOR drops into the capsule. INT. CAPSULE, DAY The DOCTOR falls into the seat as the computer announces his presence. COMPUTER: Security breach. You have ten seconds to enter the pass-code or this vehicle will self-destruct. (the DOCTOR uses the sonic on the panel) Thank you for choosing Abaraxas Security Software. Incinerating intruders for three centuries. Nine, eight, seven. (the sonic finally works) Self-destruct over-ridden. DOCTOR: This is an awful lot of security for a titchy spacecraft... COMPUTER: Awaiting command. DOCTOR: Tell me everything you can about the Gunslinger. COMPUTER: File not found. (DOCTOR groans) Please choose from - Technical Specifications, Flight Recorder, Personal Files, Maps and Charts. DOCTOR: Personal files of Doctor Kahler-Jex. JEX'S face appears on screen along with scrolling text. JEX: (on computer) Names of deceased subjects can be found on the drop-down menu. The DOCTOR absorbs the files that include people screaming in pain and agony. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY AMY enters the office, closing the doors. When she turns, JEX cocks and aims a gun at her face. JEX: I'm sorry, Amy. He really should have followed the plan. EXT. DESERT, DAY The DOCTOR stands in the entrance to the capsule. Behind him, the GUNSLINGER aims his gun to the DOCTOR'S head. As the weapon powers up, the DOCTOR ducks inside. DOCTOR: Don't shoot, don't shoot! (comes out and faces GUNSLINGER) I know who you are! And who Jex is too! (GUNSLINGER lowers weapon) Now what I don't understand is why you haven't just walked into the town and killed him? GUNSLINGER: People will get in the way. DOCTOR: Look, you want justice, you deserve justice, but this isn't the way. We can put him on trial, we can... GUNSLINGER: (raises weapon) When he starts killing YOUR people, you can use YOUR justice. The DOCTOR eyes the gun nervously. INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY While keeping the gun trained on AMY, JEX fills his pockets with personal items from his cell. JEX: Isaac says he doesn't care about my past. But things may have been uncovered that even he might struggle to forgive. (moves to the door) So it's best we beat a hasty retreat. AMY: We? I'm coming with you? JEX: It's unlikely the Gunslinger will shoot if I'm with you. As far as I can tell, he's programmed to take innocent lives only if absolutely necessary. AMY: Well, colour me reassured(!) JEX backs out the door only to have a gun cocked and aimed at the back of his head. ISSAC and RORY force him back inside. ISSAC: Doc, what are you doin'? EXT. DESERT, DAY The GUNSLINGER lowers his weapon. GUNSLINGER: No more warning shots. I'll kill the next person to step over that line. Make sure it's Jex. (walks away) INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY JEX is standing in front of the wall, ISSAC, RORY and AMY facing him. JEX: It was stupid of me, I realise that now. I just thought I'd put you all in enough danger, perhaps if I left... DOCTOR: (enters and walks over to JEX) He's lying. Every word. Everything he says, it's... all... lies. This man is a murderer. JEX: I am a scientist. DOCTOR: Sit down. (JEX refuses) SIT DOWN! (JEX sits) Tell them what you are. JEX: What am I? A war hero. ISSAC: OK, somebody want to tell me what's going on? DOCTOR: The Gunslinger is a cyborg. ISSAC: A what? DOCTOR: Half man, half machine. A weapon. Jex built it. He and his team took volunteers, told them they'd be selected for special training, then experimented on them, fused their bodies with weaponry and programmed them to kill! ISSAC: OK, why? Why would you do that, doc? JEX: We'd been at war for nine years. A war that had already decimated half of our planet. Our task was to bring peace, and we did. We built an army that routed the enemy and ended the war in less than a week. Do you want me to repent? To beg forgiveness for saving millions of lives?! DOCTOR: And how many died screaming on the operating table before you had FOUND your advantage?! JEX: War is another world. You cannot apply the politics of peace to what I did, to what any of us did. The DOCTOR walks to the other side of the room by the cell, crosses his arms and leans against the wall. RORY: But what happened then? How come you're here? JEX: When the war ended, we had the cyborgs decommissioned. But one of them must have got its circuitry damaged in battle. It went offline and began hunting down the team that created it, until just two of us were left. We fled and our ships crashed here. RORY looks over at the DOCTOR and reaches a hand out as if pleading for the DOCTOR to listen, to help. The DOCTOR ignores him and RORY turns back to the others. RORY: So what do we do with Jex? ISSAC: What do we do with him?! RORY: Yeah, I mean he's a war criminal. ISSAC: No, he's the guy that saved the town from cholera, the guy that gave us heat and light. AMY: Look, Jex may be a criminal and yeah, kinda creepy... JEX: And still in the room! AMY: But I think we should put aside what he did and find another solution. RORY: Another solution? It's him or us! AMY: When did we start letting people get executed? Did I miss a memo? Doctor, tell him. They all look at the DOCTOR. DOCTOR: (looks up) Hmm? Yes. I don't know. Whatever Amy said. (looks out the window) JEX: (polishes monocle) Looking at you, Doctor, is like looking into a mirror. Almost. There's rage there, like me. Guilt, like me. Solitude. Everything but the nerve to do what needs to be done. Thank the Gods my people weren't relying on you to save them... The DOCTOR rushes at JEX in anger. DOCTOR: No. NO! (grabs JEX and yanks him up) But these people are! (pushes him towards the door) OUT! OUT! OUT! AMY and RORY make to follow the DOCTOR but ISSAC points at them in warning. RORY puts his hands up and they follow ISSAC. At the door, RORY stops AMY. AMY: Oh, you're really letting him do this? RORY: Save us all? Yeah, I really am. RORY leaves and AMY follows. EXT. TOWN, DAY The DOCTOR shoves JEX through the town. DOCTOR: MOVE! JEX: No. DOCTOR: MOVE! The townsfolk follow as the DOCTOR and JEX head towards the boundary. The DOCTOR shoves JEX over the line and the man falls to the dirt. The DOCTOR walks back into town, but stops and grabs the gun out of a man's holster and aims it at JEX'S head as the doctor tries to cross back into the town. JEX raises his hands. JEX: You wouldn't. DOCTOR: (cocks hammer) I genuinely don't know... ISSAC: Doctor. Doctor. The DOCTOR whirls on ISSAC with his gun hand but it's AMY who fires a gun into the air. She lowers the gun to aim it at the DOCTOR. He lowers his gun. AMY: Let him come back, Doctor! DOCTOR: Or what? You won't shoot me, Amy! AMY: How do you know?! Maybe I've changed. (cocks gun) You've clearly been taking stupid lessons since I saw you last. (waves gun around and accidentally shoots the ground) I didn't mean to do that! (does it again) ISSAC: OK, everyone who isn't an American, drop your gun. The DOCTOR walks over to AMY. DOCTOR: We could end this right now. We could save everyone RIGHT NOW! AMY: This is not how we roll, and you know it. What's happened to you? When did killing someone become an option? DOCTOR: Jex HAS to answer for his crimes. AMY: And what then? You going to hunt down everyone who's made a gun, a bullet or a bomb? DOCTOR: They keep coming back, don't you see? Every time I negotiate, I try to understand. Well, not today! No! Today I honour the victims first! His, the Master's, the Daleks', all the people who died because of MY MERCY! AMY: See, this is what happens when you travel alone for too long. Well, listen to me, Doctor, we can't be like him. We have to be better than him. DOCTOR: Amelia Pond... (sighs) Fine. Fine... (turns back) we think of something else. (hands gun back) But frankly, I'm betting on the Gunslinger. (holds out his hand to JEX and waves his fingers) Jex, move over the line. Now. The GUNSLINGER is moving closer. He stops just behind JEX, gun raised to the back of his creator's head. JEX turns to face him and the GUNSLINGER'S computer recognizes JEX by his tattoo. GUNSLINGER: Make peace with your gods. JEX: Kahler-Tek, isn't it? I remember all your names, even now. Please. I'd never hurt anyone again. I'm even helping people here. GUNSLINGER: Last chance. Make peace with your gods. (prepares to fire) ISSAC: No! (pushes JEX) ISSAC falls as he is shot. The DOCTOR rushes over and kneels beside the marshall, cradling his head. DOCTOR: Isaac! Isaac, Isaac, it's OK, it's OK. It's OK, we can get you to Jex's surgery, he can save you. ISSAC: (grips DOCTOR'S hand) Listen to me, you've got to stay, you've got to look after everyone. DOCTOR: It won't come to that, Isaac. ISSAC: Protect Jex. Protect my town. (gasps) You're both good men... You just forget it sometimes... (dies) The DOCTOR removes his hand from ISSAC'S to find the Marshall's badge. He pins it on to his lapel and stands. The townsfolk stand around in shock. DOCTOR: Take Jex to his cell. If anything happens to him, you'll have me to answer to. JEX is "escorted" away and the DOCTOR faces the GUNSLINGER. DOCTOR: This has gone on long enough. GUNSLINGER: You are right. (aims gun at DOCTOR) You've got until noon tomorrow. Give him to me, or I'll kill you all. The GUNSLINGER turns and teleports away. The DOCTOR sighs before turning to face the town. AMY: Oh, my God, you're the marshall. DOCTOR: Yeah. And you're the deputy. EXT. TOWN, NIGHT The streets are empty and the streetlamps spark. INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, NIGHT JEX is standing in the cell and the DOCTOR is sitting just outside, watching him. RORY and AMY are at the desk. There is a knock on the door. DOCTOR: Come in! The PREACHER enters and removes his hat. PREACHER: (greets them) Marshall... Ma'am. Fella. You need to come outside. DOCTOR: Why, what's wrong? PREACHER: Just come outside. And you should put that on. (motions to holster hanging on a hook) The DOCTOR stands as do AMY and RORY. The DOCTOR looks at the holstered gun. EXT. TOWN, NIGHT The PREACHER exits onto the porch first, followed by the DOCTOR. A group of townsfolk are standing in the street including the YOUNG MAN and the BARTENDER. The DOCTOR hooks his thumbs over his belt. DOCTOR: What's going on? YOUNG MAN: (nervously) He in there? Leave the keys and take a walk. Time you get back, this'll all be done. DOCTOR: I promised Isaac I'd protect him. YOUNG MAN: Protecting him got Isaac dead. Tomorrow it's going to get us all dead. MAN: We thought Isaac was right to fight. But it's different now. We've got to say, "All right, we lost," and give that thing what it wants. The DOCTOR walks to the edge of the porch as the MAN talks. BARTENDER: What it wants is to kill our friend. YOUNG MAN: Look, we don't got ill feelin' toward the doc, we just thinkin''bout our families. Hand him over and we all safe again. DOCTOR: You know I can't do that. YOUNG MAN: Then we got us a problem. (pushes back coat to expose holster) The DOCTOR lifts the corner of his jacket to show his gun. DOCTOR: Please don't do this. YOUNG MAN: Why? Reckon you quicker than me? DOCTOR: Almost certainly not. But this - lynch mobs, the town turning against itself - this is everything Isaac didn't want. (YOUNG MAN draws his gun) How old are you? YOUNG MAN: Nearly 19. DOCTOR: That's 18 then. (slowly goes down steps) Too young to have fought in the war, so I'm guessing you've never shot anyone before, have you? YOUNG MAN: (cocks hammer) First time for everything. DOCTOR: But that's how all this started. Jex turned someone into a weapon. Now that same story is going to make you a killer too. Don't you see? Violence doesn't end violence, it extends it. I don't think you want to do this. I don't think you want to become that man. YOUNG MAN: There's kids here. DOCTOR: I know, who I can save, if you'll let me. YOUNG MAN: He really worth the risk? DOCTOR: I don't know. But you are. The YOUNG MAN lowers his revolver and walks away, followed by most of the men. The rest of the population drifts off in different directions. The DOCTOR shudders before looking up at AMY and RORY. DOCTOR: Frightened people. Give me a Dalek any day. (grins and walks past AMY and RORY) INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, NIGHT The DOCTOR enters and looks at JEX in his cell. He then puts his right leg up on the rail to untie the holster. The UNDERTAKER enters with a steaming cup. UNDERTAKER: Fresh coffee, Marshall. For what it's worth, I know you're going to save us. Isaac made you Marshall for a reason, and if you're good enough for him, you're good enough for me. Reckon you should know that. DOCTOR: (toasts with the cup) Thank you. (sips coffee before setting down cup and leaning on railing) The UNDERTAKER takes out his tape and holds it to the DOCTOR'S shoulder. The DOCTOR turns his head. DOCTOR: Oi! Get out of it! The UNDERTAKER leaves. The DOCTOR removes the Stetson and rubs his forehead. JEX: Let me guess. The good folk of Mercy wanted me to take a little stroll into the desert. You could turn a blind eye. No-one would blame you. You'd be a hero. DOCTOR: But I can't, can I?! (walks towards cell) Because then Isaac's death would mean nothing! Just another casualty in your endless, bloody war! (JEX lies down on the bunk) Do you want me to hand you over?! Is that what you want?! Do you even know?!(turns away in frustration) JEX: You think I'm unaffected by what I did? That I don't hear them screaming every time I close my eyes? (props himself up on one arm) It would be so much simpler if I was just one thing, wouldn't it? The mad scientist who made that killing machine, or the physician who has dedicated his life to serving this town. The fact that I'm both bewilders you. DOCTOR: (walks back) Oh, I know exactly what you are. And I see this reformation for what it really is. You committed an atrocity and chose this as your punishment. (paces) Don't get me wrong, good choice. Civilised hours, lots of adulation, nice weather. But, BUT, justice doesn't work like that. You don't get to decide when and how your debt is paid! (sighs and leans against the wall, back to the cell) JEX: (sits up) In my culture, we believe that when you die your spirit has to climb a mountain, carrying the souls of everyone you wronged in your lifetime. Imagine the weight I will have to lift. (the DOCTOR turns around) The monsters I created, the people they killed. (the DOCTOR walks towards the cell) Isaac. He was my friend. (walks to the bars) Now his soul will be in my arms, too. Can you see now why I fear death? You want to hand me over. There's no shame in that. But you won't. We all carry our prisons with us. Mine is my past, yours is your morality. (lies down on the bunk) DOCTOR: "We all carry our prisons with us." Ha... EXT. TOWN, DAY The DOCTOR stands alone in the center of town right in front of the bank. He cracks his neck as the clock moves closer to noon. INT. CHURCH, DAY The PREACHER kneels in front of the altar with a group of parishioners. PREACHER: Help me. Help me to... The parishioners pray quietly, including a little girl. EXT. TOWN, DAY The DOCTOR remains alone. INT. SALOON, DAY The bartender wipes down the bar as she watches the street outside. INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY AMY looks at the clock as JEX sits on the bunk in his cell. They hear the loud displacement of air that heralds the arrival of the GUNSLINGER. JEX stands and grips the bars of the cell door and AMY turns to the door. EXT. TOWN, DAY The GUNSLINGER arrives and steps over the boundary the moment the bell tolls noon. They take up the classic "showdown" positions and the DOCTOR'S hand twitches by his gun. The bell finishes tolling the hour and the GUNSLINGER raises his arm with a grunt. The DOCTOR raises the sonic screwdriver high above his head. The GUNSLINGER groans in pain and windows are blown out. The GUNSLINGER shoots wildly and the DOCTOR runs for cover. The GUNSLINGER looks around for his target. INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY AMY walks towards the cell, key in hand. AMY: Ready? AMY unlocks the cell and let JEX out. EXT. TOWN, DAY RORY and the YOUNG MAN are standing by one of the buildings. They each have a copy of JEX'S tattoo painted on their faces. RORY: Ready? The YOUNG MAN nods and runs off. [SCENE_BREAK] The GUNSLINGER strides through the town and sees a figure running through the shadows. He zooms in on the face and sees the tattoo. He raises his gun. [SCENE_BREAK] In another section of town, JEX sneaks down the street. [SCENE_BREAK] The GUNSLINGER zooms in on a figure as it dodges behind a building. [SCENE_BREAK] JEX uses the distraction to make his way out of town. [SCENE_BREAK] The GUNSLINGER sees a figure on a balcony but the computer gives him an "Error: Invalid Visual Match" in regards to the tattoo. GUNSLINGER: Disengage. It's a trick. INT. CHURCH, DAY The LITTLE GIRL gets up and watches as the GUNSLINGER walks past. PREACHER: (prays) Save us, oh, Lord. The LITTLE GIRL backs into a table and knocks over some books. The GUNSLINGER halts. The PREACHER goes over to the girl and hugs her protectively. The GUNSLINGER blasts down the doors and the parishioners scream. INT. SALOON, DAY The DOCTOR is in the saloon getting the tattoo painted on his face. He and the bartender turn at the sound of the explosion. EXT. TOWN, DAY JEX stops and turns around. INT. CHURCH, DAY The GUNSLINGER scans the faces of everyone in the church. EXT. TOWN, DAY JEX hesitates and the DOCTOR runs out from the saloon. DOCTOR: Go! Just GO! I can't save them while you're here. The DOCTOR heads for the church as JEX runs into the desert. INT. CHURCH, DAY The GUNSLINGER waves his gun, trying to get a read on the faces. With no one to match, he lowers his weapon and leaves. EXT. DESERT, DAY JEX runs through the desert to his capsule. He pulls off the tarp. INT. CAPSULE, DAY JEX hurriedly presses the keys COMPUTER: Nine, eight, seven - self-destruct overridden. EXT. TOWN, DAY GUNSLINGER: Deactivate automatic targeting. Switch to manual. He zooms in on the DOCTOR'S heat signature, He slowly walks over and aims his gun at the DOCTOR just as he peers around the corner. The DOCOTR stands, hands raised. GUNSLINGER: Where is he? DOCTOR: He's gone. GUNSLINGER: WHERE?! ANSWER ME! The DOCTOR backs into the street. DOCTOR: Away from here. Look up. Any second now you'll see the vapour trail of his ship. This is their home, not the backdrop for your revenge! Look up. Go after him, take this battle away from... There is loud radio feedback as JEX'S voice comes over speakers. JEX: Kahler-Tek. Kahler-Tek. GUNSLINGER: Jex...? Coward! Where are you?! JEX: I'm in my ship. DOCTOR: Jex, what are you doing? Just GO! CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. CAPSULE, DAY JEX: Where are you from? Where on Kahler? DOCTOR: Now? You're asking him this NOW?! GUNSLINGER: Gabrean. JEX: I know it. It's beautiful there. When this is over, will you go back? GUNSLINGER: How can I? I am a monster now. JEX: So am I. DOCTOR: Just go! Finish this! GUNSLINGER: I will find you. If I have to tear this universe apart, I will find you. JEX: I don't doubt that. You'll chase me to another planet...And another race will be caught in the crossfire. GUNSLINGER: THEN FACE ME! JEX presses some more buttons. COMPUTER: Countdown to self-destruct resumed. GUNSLINGER: FACE ME! JEX: No. You've killed enough. I'm ending the war for you, too. COMPUTER: Countdown to self-destruct resumed. DOCTOR: What's going on? That countdown! What's going ON! JEX! JEX: Thank you, Doctor. But I have to face the souls of those I wronged. Perhaps they will be kind. COMPUTER: Three, two, one. Zero. In the capsule, JEX braces himself. The capsule explodes EXT. TOWN, STREET, DAY The DOCTOR and the GUNSLINGER turn their heads at the explosion and see smoke rise above the buildings. The DOCTOR looks at the GUNSLINGER who sighs and hangs his head. GUNSLINGER: He behaved with honour at the end. Maybe more than me. DOCTOR: We could take you back to your world. You could help with the reconstruction. The GUNSLINGER starts to walk away. The DOCTOR follows. GUNSLINGER: I will walk into the desert and self-destruct. I am a creature of war. I have no role to play during peace. AMY and RORY join the DOCTOR and the townsfolk come out onto the street. DOCTOR: Except maybe to protect it? The GUNSLINGER stops. LATER The DOCTOR bursts from the saloon followed by AMY and RORY. The TARDIS is now in the middle of the street. DOCTOR: OK, so, our next trip. You know all the monkeys and dogs they sent into space in the '50s and '60s? You'll never guess what really happened to them! AMY: Erm... could we leave it a while? Our friends will start noticing that we're ageing faster than them. DOCTOR: Another time! No worries! (claps hands) AMY and RORY wave goodbye and step inside the TARDIS. The YOUNG MAN smiles at the DOCTOR and they share a small laugh. They then "draw" on each other and the DOCTOR shoots the YOUNG MAN. The YOUNG MAN taps the brim of his hat and the DOCTOR salutes him. He then enters the TARDIS and it dematerializes. WOMAN: (V.O.) 'By the time the Gunslinger arrived, the people of Mercy were used to the strange and the impossible. Where he came from didn't matter. As a man once said, "America is a land of second chances". (the LITTLE GIRL crosses the boundary) Do I believe the story? I don't know. My great-grandmother must have been a little girl when he arrived. (the GUNSLINGER stands watch on the ridge) But next time you're in Mercy, ask someone why they don't have a Marshall or a Sheriff or policeman there. "We got our own arrangement", they'll say. Then they'll smile, like they got a secret. Like they got their own special angel watchin' out for them. Their very own angel who fell from the stars.' The GUNSLINGER is wearing the Marshall's badge.

The TARDIS accidentally lands in Mercy, a town in the American West around 1870. The TARDIS crew discovers the town's doctor, Jex, is an alien who is being sought by the cyborg Gunslinger. The Doctor discovers Jex was a scientist who experimented on volunteers to create cyborgs to fight in a war on his home planet; the Gunslinger is seeking revenge for what was done to him. The Doctor faces a moral dilemma of whether he should offer Jex to the Gunslinger; he devises a plan to help Jex escape, but Jex commits suicide to save more innocent people from being harmed. The Doctor saves the Gunslinger from self-destruction and makes him the marshal of Mercy.

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x02

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This transcript should be considered as copylefted... that is, you can do anything with this transcript you want as long as it doesn't interfere with others right's to do anything with it that they might want, also. You can modify it, but if you want to use any part of this transcript, your modifications should be copylefted also. Explicit license is hereby given for anyone to archive this transcript whenever and wherever they may wish. [SCENE_BREAK] Buffy and Kathy are in their dorm room. Kathy has an ironing board out and is ironing jeans, Buffy is reading a CD jewel case. Cher's 'Believe' is playing on Kathy's portable stereo. Buffy: Wow, this music is so... so... Kathy: I know. This song is super fun. Isn't it? Buffy: You bet. It just gets fun-er and fun-er every time you playit. Buffy gets a jacket from her closet. Kathy: Going out? Buffy: Yeah. I'm seriously caffeine deprived. Figure I'd head down to The Grotto and get a jolt and, you know, do some studying. Kathy: Oh. It's late... won't you be up all night? Buffy: (Picking up her backpack.) Oh, yeah, but it's cool. I'm sort of an 'up' kind of night person. I mentioned that right? Kathy: I guess I just didn't realize you'd be coming and going at all hours. Well, not that I mind. I'm just surprised. Buffy: I'll be quiet as a mouse, I promise. Ok. (She starts toward the door.) Kathy: Oh! Say, Buffy. I wanted to show you this little system I implemented. (She goes over to the nightstand separating the beds and gets a small notepad and a pen, bringing them back.) Buffy: Oh, goody... system. Kathy: Just log every call you make in here and that way when the bill comes it won't be a problem. I figure, 'Stitch in time...' Buffy: '...catches the worm.' Kathy cheerfully makes a 'You got it' gesture. Buffy: You bet. Ok, then. (Turns and starts to go.) Kathy: Also... (Buffy stops and turns back.) I noticed that some of my milk was missing. Did you... Buffy: Oh! Yeah, actually, I did. I meant to... Kathy: No! It's totally ok, I was just wondering. Buffy: Yeah, I-I-I was making my coffee and I just... Kathy: Buffy, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure... The song ends and Kathy goes over to the stereo to restart it. She comes back. Kathy: ...that we didn't have a thief or something. Buffy: Like who? Sid the Wiley Dairy Gnome? Kathy: I don't know, it's no big deal. Please, feel free. Buffy: Ok, I'm really sorry. I have to... (She starts to go, again.) Kathy: Have a good time. Buffy: Yeah, you too. With ironing. (She leaves.) Buffy and Willow are walking along a wooded path at night, there are trees and bushes all over. Willow: So you had trouble getting past Kathy? Buffy: Yep. She made big with the questions. Willow: And you thought your days of sneaking out of your room were over. Buffy: No such luck. Kathy's nice and all, but she's... she's sort of... I don't know, like, 'mini-mom of Momdonia.' (Willow chuckles) Wait. (Buffy stops, looking around.) Did you just hear something? Willow: I'm chewing my gum kinda loud. Buffy: That's not it. Willow: My sneakers are squeaky. Buffy: I'm looking for something lurky here, Will. Willow: Oh. (Pauses to listen) Sorry, no. They start walking again. Buffy: Darn, I could use a little play tonight. Listening to the best of VH-1 all day sort of put me on edge. Willow: Oh, Kathy's still spinnin' the divas? Buffy: (In a perky-Kathy voice.) "'Cause it's the fun-est!" Well, no big. College is a time of change, right? I bet, before too long, she'll be trip-hoppin' all over the place. Willow: Yeah! I mean, this whole dorm thing is just an adjustment we need to make. You know? I mean, my roomie is kind of challengingtoo. Buffy: And what are we if not women up to a challenge? Willow: Exactly! I mean, did we not put the 'grr' in girl? Well, here's where I get off. (They stop at a branching path.) Buffy: Say 'hey' to Oz for me. Willow: Happy hunting. Buffy: Wish me monsters. Willow makes a 'ick' gesture and walks away. Buffy walks on, not noticing a hooded, orange skinned demon with green glowing eyes watching her from the bushes. [Opening credits] Buffy, walking along a path hears a noise. Buffy: Will? (Pause.) Alright, why don't you quit hiding and come out and face me like a... thing. Kathy comes running up with a bounce in her step. Kathy: Hey, I caught you. Buffy: Is everything ok? Kathy: Oh, everything's super. I just decided a decaf latte sounded like heaven after all. Buffy: So you're coming along. Kathy: Why not? This way you won't have to walk these spooky paths alone. (She goes on ahead with a skip.) Buffy: Great! (In a low voice) That's just great. (And she follows.) Kathy: This is neat, isn't it? The fresh air, the trees, the smell of... (Buffy hears the growl of something rushing them and pushes Kathy into the bushes where she lands in the dirt.) The same demon we saw before runs up and swings a club, Buffy grabs it's arm, breaks it's hold on the club and throws it off balance onto the ground. It gets up and takes two swings, but Buffy blocks them and gives it three quick rights to the face. Kathy, in the bushes, gets to her knees looking dazed. The demon tries a roundhouse punch which Buffy ducks under. She sweeps the demon's legs out from under him and he rolls over his club, grabbing it. Rolling to his feet he runs off. Kathy climbs out of the bushes and Buffy goes to help her. Kathy: What the blizzard was that all about? Buffy: Uh, he um... tried to take my backpack. Kathy: What were you thinking, taking him on like that? Buffy: Oh I, heh, I don't know, I guess I-I panicked. Kathy: I mean, it's just you could of gotten hurt or something. (She looks down.) And look at my sweater, it's ruined! Buffy: Yeah, sorry about that. Here, w-we'll go get you cleaned up. They walk back the way they came. In the bushes, a demon watches them go. Another demon comes up beside him. They speak in subtitles, a strangely visual demon language. Demon1: She may be the one. Demon2: We have to be sure. Follow her. Demon1: As you wish. Daytime in the courtyard outside Giles' apartment. There's a fountain, a table and chairs. Buffy is going through his mail. Buffy: Boring... boring... bill... bill... Giles comes running down the stairs wearing exercise clothes complete with sneakers. He's panting. Giles: Hello. (Pant) Buffy: You run? Giles: And jump. And bend. (Pant) And, occasionally, frolic.(Pant) Buffy: Ok, and, uh, (She holds up a magazine.) what's with the motorbike and scooter magazine? Giles: Congratulations, you've found me out. I'm a mod jogger. Buffy: Ok, you're not having one of those mid-life things, are you? 'Cause I'm still going 'ick' from the last time you tried to recapture your youth. Giles: Buffy! Buffy: Sorry. (She sits down at a table.) Demon. Last night. Made with the pummeling, but he got away. Giles: What sort of demon? (Giles crosses to the fountain and sits on it's outer ledge.) Buffy: Umm, had a cloak on, and glowing green eyes, and skin had a, like, super-bad fake rub-on tan. Giles: Translate? Buffy: Orange-y? Giles: Thank you. Anything else? Buffy: My roommate Kathy was there, but she didn't see anything. Giles: You took your roommate patrolling with you? Buffy: Well I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one that could make it. (The look on Giles' face tells Buffy that he didn't get the sarcasm.) I told her I was going for coffee and she decided to tag along. Giles: Right. Well we should discourage her from that habit. From what you described I-I'm not familiar with the creature, but I-I'll look into it and give you a ring when I've found something. (He gets up and starts moving toward his apartment.) Buffy: You know, it's nice out here. Giles: (Turning back.) Yes, I take my tea out here sometimes. (He starts to go again.) Buffy: What are you doing today? Giles: (He turns back again.) Uh, it's a good day for me, actually. A friend of mine recently acquired a-uh an original Gutenberg demonography... and it suddenly occurred to me that you've never once asked me what my day's plans were, which leads me to inquire whether you're feeling entirely yourself. Buffy: That's not true. I ask about you all the time. (He gives her a look.) Ok, well, maybe the words don't actually make it out of my mouth, but I think about it. Giles: And it's appreciated. Which doesn't explain why you're hanging around here instead of rushing off as usual. Buffy: It's no big. I just figured I'd hang here--you know-until my roommate goes to class. Giles: Ah, I see. (He sits back down on the fountain.) Buffy: I know, it's probably just me having a bitch attack. But it's not... me. Giles: Buffy, living with somebody is never easy. Especially for an only child... Buffy: Giles, listen to me, ok? When she sharpens her pencils she measures them with a ruler to make sure they're all the same size. Giles: Which is fussy, I agree, but everybody has their idiosyncrasies. You'd do well to learn to tolerate them. Buffy: Or I'll end up an old lady who can only live with cats? Giles: Something like that. Buffy: Ok. You know what? You're right. (She stands up.) Take a mental pic, this is the new Buffy. Kinder, gentler... roommate extraordinaire. In the dorm room, Kathy is trying, without much luck, to get the stain out of her sweater. She looks down and sees that one corner of a throw rug is turned up and leans down to straighten it. She gives up on the sweater and looks over at Buffy's closet door. She gets up, walks over, unlatches the bolt holding it closed and opens the door. She picks out a sweater and while looking at it notices a satchel with part of a crossbow sticking out. She opens the satchel and takes out a really cool looking pistol grip crossbow and a wooden cross. She pauses for a moment, holding them, then puts them back. At the university dining hall called the Rocket Cafe, Buffy gets a tray and starts back to the end of the line. She notices Kathy and quickly brings the tray up to hide her face. She ducks into the line in front of a male student. The young man takes a quick peek behind him and turns back to Buffy. Parker: Ex-boyfriend? Or loan shark? Buffy: (Turns around to face him.) Excuse me? Parker: The person you're hiding from. Buffy: Oh... both. Ugly breakup. I'm sorry, I just cut you... Parker: No, stay... stay. I'll watch your back. (They get to the self-serve area and start getting their food.) Freshman, huh? Buffy: Is it that obvious? Parker: There are signs. (He gets a single-serving box of cereal and stuffs it into the breast pocket of his shirt.) For instance, people who've been around for awhile know how to use their dining hall card. Buffy: It's not for food? Parker: Work it right and you can get three meals worth, which equals fewer punch cards used annually. Buffy: And more cash from dad which you get to keep for yourself. Parker: Right! The goal is to polish off as much as humanly possible at one sitting. Enough to get you through the rest of the day, if necessary. While chipmunking items for future consumption. Buffy: Ahh, got it. Parker: Excess dry goods fit nicely in a backpack or your pocket. (He takes something and puts it into his pants pocket.) The wetter items--macaronies, your turkey loaf--then you're into ziplocks. It's not for beginners. Buffy: I'll just take it slow. They reach the cashier and hand over their cards for punching. Buffy looks over and sees Willow, Xander and Oz seated at a table, Willow sees her and waves for her to come over. Parker: So. Buffy: So, those are my... (He sees the gang at the table.) are you... Parker: Oh, no, I have someone waiting. Otherwise I'd... heh, uh, Parker Abrams. (He offers his hand which Buffy shakes.) I'm at Kresge hall. Buffy: Buffy Summers, Stevenson. Parker: Ok, well, I'll see you around Buffy Summers of Stevenson. Buffy: See ya, Parker Abrams. Buffy goes over to the gang's table and sits. Xander: Hey, say hi to non-college guy. Buffy: Not that I mind, but don't non-college guys usually populate the non-campus? Xander: Usually. I just thought I'd come around and check on my girls. (He taps Oz to include him without insult.) Willow: And eat off my plate. Buffy: What's the deal Xand, parents not feeding you? Xander: Sure they do, for a price. Willow: So, spill! (She indicates Parker, seated across the room.) What was that all about, with the cutie patootie? Buffy: I don't know... nothing big, I think. Just random adorableness. Xander: Oh, a technique I know well. Hit the girl with your best shot, then hasta. Oz: Gotta respect the drive-by. Xander: Low rejection, fond memories. Willow: It looked like more than that to me. He got all googly-eyed. Xander: That's because he got hit by the Buffinator. Now he's powerless. Buffy: You think? Oz: No question, he'll be back. (Buffy smiles.) Xander: So, what else is up with the Buff, any vamp action? Buffy: I did get jumped by a demon of non-specific origin last night. Xander: Yeah? Something apocalypse-y? Do we need to assemble the scooby gang? Buffy: (Holding back a laugh.) No, but thank you for asking. Xander: I just got way too excited, didn't I? Buffy: You just need to get out of the basement a little more there, Xand. Kathy comes up and sets her tray on the table. Kathy: Hi, everybody. (She gets a chair from another table and moves it over.) Squeeze in. Buffy: You all know my roomie, Kathy? Willow: Hi. Oz: Hey, Kath. Buffy: Is that my sweater? Kathy: I didn't think you'd mind, I mean you got mine all muddy. Buffy: I was saving you from a... Willow: Bear! Buffy: (Giving Willow a look.) Mugger. Kathy: It's not a problem, is it? I mean, I figured we're almost like sisters now, living together and everything. Buffy: No, it's... it's fine. I just wished you'd asked. Xander: So, where're you from, Kathy? Kathy: Nebraska, originally. (She picks up a big, sloppy hamburger from her tray.) Xander: Ahh, yes. Big sky country. Kathy bites into her sandwich. Buffy's senses intensify, focusing in on a blob of ketchup oozing out of the hamburger. She watches it as it drops onto her sweater. Buffy's eyes narrow. That night in the dorm, Buffy is talking to Willow on the phone. The window at the head of her bed is open. Buffy: I mean, can you believe her? First she acts like she has sit privileges at my lunch table just because some computer had to make us cellmates. (She puts a stick of gum in her mouth.) Willow: I'm sure it's not easy for her. She's not like you, she doesn't know anybody here. Buffy: Fine. But what about my sweater. You can't believe the stuff that I have to put up with. Willow's dorm room. There's a loud party going on. Willows on her bed with the phone. Willow: Yeah, I guess it's hard... uh... but I'm sure the sweater thing was an accident. (A nerf football hits her in the head.) Buffy: I don't know Will... I think she's just coming back from the bathroom. I'll call you back. Kathy: (Coming into the room.) Don't forget to log those calls. (She sits on her bed and starts flossing her teeth.) Buffy takes an apple out of her backpack and takes it over to the mini-refrigerator. While she's up, Kathy gets up and closes the window. Buffy opens the fridge and sees that Kathy has almost completely filled it, labeling everything with her name. Even writing 'Kathy' on each of a dozen boiled eggs. Buffy squeezes the apple into the last remaining space on the door, closes it and turns around to see the window is now closed. She goes over and opens it again and sits back down on her bed. Kathy finishes flossing and picks up a paperback book from the nightstand. There is gum stuck to it and it stretches up from the table. Kathy: Ewww! Who left their gum here? Buffy: (Pause.) Gum gnome? Kathy: It wasn't me! It had to be somebody, Buffy! Buffy: (Swallows the gum she had been chewing.) I don't know. Kathy slams the book down and turns off the light near her bed. Buffy turns off her own light, lays down pulling the covers over her and falls asleep. She dreams of a demon very much like the one she fought, holding her down, poring blood in her mouth, putting a scorpion on her bare skin and drawing a light, gossamer substance out of Buffy's mouth and into it's own. She awakes with a start. Kathy is looking at her from her own bed. Kathy: Do you always make that noise when you sleep? [SCENE_BREAK] Daytime and Buffy, Giles, Willow and Oz are seated in comfortable, padded chairs in an open area lounge. Buffy: So then after the scorpion, the demon opened my mouth and sucked some kind of weird light out of me. A-and the worst part? I wake up and there's Kathy, staring at me like I'm some kind of freak. Oz: Well, actually, the worst part, I'd have to go with the demon poring the blood down your throat. Willow: Me too, I would vote for that too. Buffy: But that's just a dream, and this Kathy thing is real. All she cared about was that her precious sleep had been disturbed. Kathy comes up behind Giles. Giles: Perhaps it would be more productive to examine your dreams, um, determine there meaning. Kathy: You can read dreams? Neat. Buffy: Giles, Kathy. Kathy, Giles. Willow: He's our grown-up friend. N-not in a creepy way. Giles: Nice to meet you, Kathy. Kathy: Ditto. Maybe you could read the dream I had last night? There was, like, this monster, and he sat on me and did all this stuff to me. Oz: Stuff like, scorpions? And Bloody Mary minus the Mary? Kathy: That's it! How'd you know? Oz: Well, I'm a good guesser. Buffy: Me too, and I'm guessing that you need to be on your way to class. Right, Kath? Kathy: Hmm hmm, sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Buffy: Hmm hmm, and guess what? You were next to it. Kathy: You know, I do need to dash. My whole schedule is off because someone kept me up all night. Well, it's been fun. Toodles. (She turns and leaves.) Buffy: Toodles. Giles: (Clears his throat.) You know what this means... Buffy: Yes. Not only does she take my sweater, but now she has to horn in on my dreams. She is the most ever mooch... Oh, I haven't even gotten to the floss. Giles: Buffy, focus, please? If Kathy and you are having the same nightmares, chances are something happened to you both when you met the demon in the woods. Willow: So we need to figure out if this ritual their dreaming about has some special use, or meaning. Buffy: (Getting up and gathering her things.) Cool, you guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to class. Oz: Which could also be construed as the brain thing. Buffy: Not when you're minoring in 'Napping 101.' (She leaves.) Willow: Ok, so that was the evil twin, right? 'Cause she was bordering on Cordelia-esque. Oz: Well, she's definitely pushing the stress meter on this Kathy thing. Giles: I concur she's not, uh, herself, but, you know, uh, learning to live with someone can be a challenge. Willow: A-and she hasn't been sleeping. Giles: Right, then. (He stands.) Nothing to get to concerned about. Still, let me know if she, um... Oz: Hits the red zone? Giles: Yes. Nighttime, in a secluded wooded area Demon2 has a campfire burning. Demon1 walks up. They still speak in subtitles. Demon1: We were correct. She is the one. Demon2: Good. I have prepared for the summoning of the great one, Taparrich. They remove their hoods revealing bald heads, face the fire and begin chanting. Buffy, returning to the dorm room, stops at the door for a second when she hears Cher's 'Believe' playing again. She goes in and sees Parker half lying on Kathy's bed with Kathy sitting with him, they're talking. Parker: Lots of popular artists don't get their dues. Madonna? Whitney? Kathy: That's so totally true. Buffy: Parker? Parker: (Getting up and going over to her.) Hey, uh, I just dropped by to say... that. Uh, and bring you... (He hands her a box of plastic baggies.) You know, to maximize your dining hall exports. They're heavy duty. Buffy: (Reading the box.) Plus freezer guard! That's so... Kathy gets up and stands close to Parker, looking at him while she talks to Buffy. Kathy: Parker was just going to leave his number and go, but (laughs) we started talking. He's such a blast, and time just flew. Buffy: Time, really? How much time? Parker: Uh, I'm not sure, we sort of got caught up talking Red Wings. It turns out that Kathy's a closet hockey fan. I think it's the violence. Kathy: (Laughs) Quit it! I told you that was just between us. Parker: It could be the sweaty men. (Kathy laughs and pushes him.) Buffy: If you two are going to rassle, do you mind taking it outside? I've got a lot of work to do. (She puts her things down on her bed and turns off the music.) Parker: Sorry, I didn't realize. (He starts to leave.) Buffy: Oh, Parker wait. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... Parker: No, it's totally cool. I should go anyway. Buffy: Well, it was great of you to stop by, m-maybe we could do it another time? Parker: Another time for sure. Bye, Kathy. (He gives her a wave.) Kathy: (Waving back.) Bye, seeya. Buffy sees him out, closes the door and turns to face Kathy. Kathy: It wouldn't have killed you to be nice, you know. Buffy: (Crossing over to her bed, she retrieves something from her bag.) Looked like you were being nice enough for the both of us. Kathy: (Closing the window.) I wasn't moving in on your territory, if that's what you mean. Buffy: (Locking the bolt on her closet with a padlock.) Right. Just like you didn't destroy my sweater. Kathy is flossing again. Buffy opens the window. Kathy: I'm cold. Buffy: Well I'm hot. Deal with it. Kathy: Do you know what your problem is, Buffy. Buffy: You? Kathy: Hardly. Your problem is you're spoiled. Maybe the world revolved around you where you used to live, but it's share time now. Buffy: Share time, huh? Fine! I'll show you share time. She goes to the fridge and gets out the carton of milk, and drinks it straight from the carton, spilling it all over herself and the floor. Willows dorm building, She and Oz walk along a hall. Oz: You're worried about her. Willow: Yeah, both of them. I mean, what kind of demon runs around putting ookie blood dreams into people's heads. Like some kind of nightmare fairy. It's not right. Oz: Well, I'm against it. Willow: And Buffy's completely being not herself. If it wasn't for this English paper I'd be there right now. Um, listening. Doing the girly best friend thing. They stop at the door to her room. Oz: Well, I can do that. Willow: You can? Oz: Well, I'm not saying we'll braid each others hair--probably-but I can hang with her, watch for signs she's going over the edge. Willow: You're the best. Oh, she's probably patrolling by now. Check around the science center. If you need me I'll be (She opens the door, hears the sounds of a loud party and closes it again.) at the library. (She goes back the way they came.) Oz walks along a well lighted walkway. He passes a group of three people, two men and a young woman. He senses something, he looks back and sees that the woman is looking back at him. They look at each other for a few seconds before they both turn back. In the bushes, we see three figures in camouflage carrying weapons. They appear to be following the group that Oz just passed. Oz is walking with Buffy along a path. Buffy: ...so then Kathy's like, 'It's share time.' And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Share this!' (She punches at the air.) Oz: So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her. Buffy: Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think? Oz: Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy. Buffy: Hmm, Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box and blown away by an imaginary wind and... and... Oz: Forced to wear a binding unitard? Buffy: Yeah, the itchy kind, it's perfect. Oz: Just here to help. Buffy: Which I appreciate. But you've never come on routine patrol with me before, Oz. So, what's the deal? Oz: Seemed more interesting than homework. Buffy: As long as it's an elective. I can handle myself alone, you know. Oz: Not in question. Buffy: Good. So then, I go into the refrigerator--right?--and the label queen has managed to put... Oz: Just a, just a thought, Buffy, but do you think all this ranting is scaring away potential demons? (They stop.) Buffy: You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer. (She brings her foot up, around and down onto a bench, breaking it in two.) She's... other really bad things. Oz: On the plus side you've killed the bench, which was looking shifty. Buffy: This isn't funny, Oz. Something has to be done. (She walks away looking determined.) Oz: (Pause) Agreed. (And he follows her.) Back in her dorm room, Buffy is at her desk, studying. She looks over at Kathy, who is on her bed clipping her toenails. Her senses intensify and she hears every nail being clipped as a loud 'clank' and focuses on every clipping, in slow motion, flying through the air and onto the floor. She starts tapping her pencil on her open book. Kathy looks over and her senses intensify. She hears every tap as a loud 'boom.' She gets up, goes over to her stereo and starts playing Cher's 'Believe' again. Buffy taps harder until she breaks the pencil. She puts on earmuffs and it cuts the volume of the music down... a little. Kathy goes to the fridge and gets out a boiled egg. She takes it to her desk and starts rolling it on the desktop to break the shell. Buffy's senses intensify and she focuses in on the shell, with 'Kathy' written on it, cracking. She watches Kathy peel the broken shell from the egg. She takes off the earmuffs and throws them onto the desk. Buffy: I'm going to bed. (She gets in her bed, turns out the light and closes her eyes.) Buffy dreams of the demon again. This time it's painting symbols on her belly before drawing the light, gossamer substance out of her mouth and into it's own. There's a shot of the scorpion on her bare skin again, and she awakens to daylight with a start. Over in her own bed, Kathy moans and opens her eyes suddenly. Kathy: Oh, jeez. Later that day, Kathy is talking to Willow in a hallway. Kathy: I do what I can, but Buffy's difficult. She's secretive, for one thing, she comes in at all hours of the night, she leaves her gum all over the place. Willow: I-it sounds like things are rough, but don't you want to be talking to Buffy about this? Buffy enters the hallway at one end and sees Kathy and Willow. She stops. Kathy: I would, but she is so touchy about all kinds of weird stuff. I mean sometimes I get the feeling that she is not quite normal. You know? (Buffy stare intently at them.) Willow: Well, normal is relative. Right? They both look over and see Buffy. Kathy: Later, ok? (She leaves.) Buffy comes up beside Willow and turns suddenly. Buffy: (Accusingly.) Why were you talking to her? Willow: Buffy, come on, we were only just saying hi. Kathy: Yeah, that's what she wants you to think. Willow: Buffy, this has to stop. I mean I-I get it, I have a sucky roomie, too. But you just have to deal. Buffy: You're right, I've been thinking a lot about this and it's clear to me now. Willow: Good, that's better. Buffy: Kathy's evil. I'm an evil fighter. It's simple... I'm gonna have to kill her. [SCENE_BREAK] Willow: You have to kill her? Don't you think you could just switch rooms, or something? Buffy: Well I would, but it's not just me in danger from Kathy. Look. (She opens the bottom pocket of her bag and takes out a plastic baggie containing toenail clippings.) Willow: Toenails? Buffy: Evil toenails. I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep. Willow: Good thinking, 'cause in the middle of the night those toenails could have attacked you and left little half-moon marks all over your body. Buffy: Don't be ridiculous. The point is I measured them before I fell asleep and again this morning, and they grew. After they were cut! That's a demon thing, she has to be eliminated. Willow: Of course. I-it makes sense, now. But you better show those bad puppies to Giles before you do anything just to be sure. Buffy: Absolutely. I don't want to do anything crazy. Willow: Uh, you hurry on to Giles. I'll hang here and-and keep an eye on Kathy. Buffy: Great. Good. Thanks, Will. (She leaves.) Willow goes to a nearby payphone and punches in a number. Willow: Giles, I-I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. No, n-not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come to you. Kay? Buffy opens the door to Giles' apartment. No one is there. She walks into the room calling. Buffy: Giles? Anybody home? Hello? A net falls onto her from above. Xander and Oz come running out of the hallway, Giles from another direction. They jump on her, forcing her arms behind her back where Xander loops a ready made slip knot over her wrists. Buffy: What are you guys doing? This is... this is ridiculous. Xander: Buffy, this hurts me more than it hurts you. Buffy: Not yet, but it will. Xander: Don't say that. (He stops, realizing what she'd just said.) Oh, PLEASE don't say that. Giles: We're doing this to stop you from making a terrible mistake. They remove the net and move her over to a wooden bench with a backto it. Giles: Clearly something is amiss. Xander ties the other end of the rope to the back of the bench. Buffy: Yeah, something's amiss here, a 'Miss Kathy Newman.' Giles, ow, Giles look in my bag. (He goes and picks up the bag.) Look in the bottom pocket of my bag. (He opens the pocket.) She has parts that can grow after they're detached. (He takes out the baggie.) She irons her jeans. She's evil. She has to be destroyed. Giles: (Holding up the baggie.) I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her. Buffy: Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs. Xander: (To Giles) You think? Giles: Um, you stay and watch her. I-I know a spell that will make the possessing demon reveal itself so that we can fight it, but I-I need to get some supplies from the magic shop. Buffy, I... See you around. He leaves, taking the baggie. At the dorm room, there's an insistent knock at the door. Kathy opens it to reveal Willow. Willow: Can I come in? Kathy: Sure. (She lets her in, closing the door.) Where's Buffy? Willow: I don't know, exactly. But I've been thinking, it might be a good idea for you and Buffy to give each other some apart time. In fact, you might want to be, uh, apart before she gets back. Kathy: What do you mean? I should leave the room? Why should I go? Willow: I-it's not fair, I know. Kathy: You bet it's not fair, having to live with someone who's obviously troubled. Someone who so clearly needs to be in a home, not in a dorm. Willow: I don't know about that. Uh, Buffy's going through something, yes, but... Kathy: I wouldn't put it past her to drop out, or take off or something. Do something horrible to herself. Willow: Herself? Kathy: Or worse. She's capable of it, you know? You can see it in those shifty little eyes of hers. One of these days she might even push somebody too far. The phone rings and Kathy answers it. Kathy: Hello? (She holds out the handset.) It's Oz. (Willow takes it.) Willow: Hi. You did? She's at Giles, uh, ok. (She hangs up, and starts edging back toward the door.) You know, during that really short phone call I realized you are so right. I mean, it's not fair to make you leave your own room. So, you're good. You just stay, right there. Kay? (She bolts from the room.) Oz and Xander are watching Buffy in Giles' apartment. Buffy: I can't believe this, after all that we've been through together and you guys won't believe me when I tell you that Kathy is bad. Xander: We want to, Buff, it's just... Oz: Shh, don't engage. She starts struggling against the ropes. Xander: I don't know if I tightened those ropes enough. Oz: Then we'd better go over there and check 'em. Xander: (Laughs until he sees that Oz was serious.) Oh, dear god! Xander: Avoid the legs. (The start forward.) Avoid the legs. They lean over her and she brings up her arms, grabs them and knocks their heads together. They both fall to the floor, unconscious. She tosses the rope onto Xander's body. Buffy: Nope, not tight enough. The dorm room. Buffy comes through the door and closes it. Buffy: Kathy. Kathy's lying on her bed reading her paperback. Kathy: Buffy. Buffy: I think we need to talk, don't you? Kathy gets up and walks over to her. Kathy: Absolutely. Let's talk. Buffy kicks up a corner of the throw rug. Buffy: Oops, look what I did. Kathy backhands Buffy across the face. Kathy: Huh, look what I did. They grab each others heads and start struggling. Kathy's human face comes off in Buffy's hands, revealing her to be a green eyed, orange skinned demon. Buffy: I knew it! Kathy rushes her, throwing her back. [SCENE_BREAK] The two demons in the woods are still chanting over the campfire. Suddenly, the ground opens up with a spray of dirt and Taparrich emerges. He is much taller than the other two and wears a different style of robe. He talks in subtitles. Taparrich: Where is she? In the dorm room, Kathy forces Buffy down, straddling her with a hand around her throat. Kathy: Quit it! Buffy: I knew it! I knew you were one of those demon things. Kathy: Oh why don't you just stuff it and let me finish my ritual. Buffy: Ritual? Giles: (In the magic shop, in what looks like a study, reading from an old book.) 'The ritual of Mok'tagar, a race of trans-dimensional demons, involves the forced ingestion of animal blood while the victim slumbers.' Buffy's nightmares... Buffy: ...were real. Kathy: I'm sorry, ok? I left my dimension to go to college and they sent these guys after me. Giles: 'But while the Mok'tagar can assume many forms and guises, including human, they can always be recognized by others of their kind due to the lack of a soul.' (He looks at the baggie with Kathy's toenail clippings.) Kathy: ...so I'm borrowing yours. Buffy: (In a 'how typical' tone.) Without even asking. Kathy: Tonight, when they come looking for me, they'll take the one without a soul. Buffy: Well, thank God I won't have to watch you floss anymore. Kathy: (Shouts.) And I won't have to live with a slob. Buffy bites the hand holding her down. Kathy lets up enough for Buffy to get leverage and throw her off. She throws Kathy against the bed and kicks her in the midsection. They both gain their feet and face off... Buffy charges and Kathy throws her over her back onto the bed. Buffy bounces off and kicks Kathy once in the face, once in the side. Kathy throws a punch which Buffy avoids. The slayer throws a punch which the demon blocks. Kathy grabs Buffy's head and throws her across the room and through Buffy's closet door. Kathy: (Singsong.) It's share time, Buffy. With a growl, she runs over, grabs Buffy's feet and drags her out of the closet. Buffy: Fine, let's start with my sweater. She has her ketchup-ruined sweater in her hands and wraps it around Kathy's neck, tightening it. Kathy grabs the sweater and rips it in two. Buffy: Oh! Kathy picks her up and throws her back down onto the floor. When Buffy tries to get up again she gets a kick in the face. At Giles' apartment, Xander wakes up. His movements wake Oz. Xander: Oow... why couldn't Giles have shackles like any self respecting bachelor? Willow comes in. Willow: Guys, I just saw Kathy and she's acting... Oh my God, are you ok? (She runs over and helps Oz to his feet.) Oz: Yeah, Buffy's got a pretty good lead on us, though. Willow: I-I'll call Kathy, tell her to get out of there. (She goes over to the phone and starts punching numbers.) In the dorm room, Kathy is hitting Buffy across the face with the telephone handset. Kathy: (Whap) All you had to do was (Whap) write (Whap) down (Whap) your (Whap) calls! Giles' apartment. Willow: (Hanging up.) No answer. Giles: (Rushing in.) Toenails! (He looks at them and shows them the baggie.) Buffy was right. (He gives it to Willow.) Kathy's toenails not only keep growing after they've been cut, they actually regenerate after they've been destroyed. Willow: (Examining the clippings.) And that's a demon thing? Giles: Oh, unequivocally yes. So... where is Buffy? (Xander shows him the rope.) Oh dear, we have even less time than I feared. (He hurries into the kitchen and starts gathering up items.) I've looked up all known regenerating demons. Only one species practices the ritual Buffy's been seeing in her sleep. It's used to steal the soul from a human body. Xander: W-wait, are you saying that Buffy's been doing a Linda Blair on us because Kathy's been sucking her soul? Giles sets items down on the table. Giles: I believe so, yes. Excuse me please. He drags Xander off the chair he'd been sitting on and moves it out of the way. Willow: So Buffy was right all along. Later on, big remorse. Giles grabs the book he'd been reading earlier Giles: Now, I've found a spell that should reverse the soul transfer procedure immediately. (He hands the book over to Willow.) Willow and I will perform it at once. Oz: Leaving Xander and me to help Buffy in the flesh. Oz rushes out. Xander hesitates a moment, clearly not wanting to go. Then he follows. Giles reads from the book held by Willow as he begins lighting candles. Giles: 'Hear me, elders of the upper reaches... elders of the lower reaches... elders of the dry land... elders of the river flats.' In the dorm room, Kathy throws Buffy against the demon's desk. Pencils fall to the floor. Buffy: Ah-hah! (She stomps on the pencils, breaking them.) Kathy tries a backhand which Buffy blocks. Buffy grabs her head, swings her around, then gives her an uppercut. Kathy is thrown back into her own bookshelves, breaking them and scattering the items stored there. She rushes at Buffy and throws her against the door to the hall. In the hallway, on the outside of their door, we see that the numbers attached to it read two fourteen... until the shock of Buffy hitting the door causes the number two to break it's upper attachment and swing around upside down. A student leans out of his room, just next door. Student: Do you mind? People are trying to study! Kathy runs Buffy across the room and into the window on the side of the room. (Not the one they were arguing over earlier meaning their room is in the corner of the building.) It breaks leaving Buffy lying across the sill. Kathy grabs her. Giles' apartment. Giles: 'Ancients I beseech you. The soul, abstracted. Let it revert to it's true seat.' Dorm room. Kathy drags Buffy up off the window sill. Kathy: The window's open. Happy? She throws Buffy over her bed and the slayer ends up leaning against her own bed. Kathy jumps on her and tries to force her mouth open. Kathy: Open up! Let me finish! (She gets Buffy's mouth open.) Giles' apartment. Giles: 'Let it be finished. Let the unnatural vessel be emptied, let the essence be returned to it's original host.' Dorm room. Kathy tries to draw out the rest of Buffy's soul, but the reverse happens as Buffy's soul material is returned to her. Kathy drops, spent. Kathy: How did you do... With a flash of light, what looks like vortex briefly appears, to be followed by Taparrich who materializes inside the room. He and Kathy start talking in subtitles. Taparrich: There you are. Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in young lady? Kathy: I'm not going back! Taparrich: Don't take that tone with me. Kathy: I'm 3000 years old! When are you going to stop treating me like I'm 900? Oz and Xander burst through the door and Taparrich turns on them with a roar... they scoot back, but stay in the room. The demon turns back to Kathy. Taparrich: Enough. You're coming home. He waves his arm and a vortex forms in the floor. Buffy sees it and quickly crawls around to the other side of the bed. Kathy screams as she's sucked in. Taparrich steps forward and enters the vortex too, it seals leaving the floor unblemished. Buffy, Oz and Xander stare at each other, speechless. Daytime, the dorm room. Willow is moving in, her stuff in boxes around the room. She's hanging up a 'Dingoes Ate My Baby' poster. Buffy has just finished eating half of a sandwich, the other half on a saucer in her hand. Willow: How's that? Buffy: Uh-uh, a little to the left... there. Perfect. I'm so glad you're here Will. (She sets the other half of her sandwich on the dresser.) I can already feel all that bad-Kathy-karma just draining away. She starts moving boxes and books around, straightening up. Willow: About that--The Kathy thing?--I'm sorry I doubted you. Willow moves things from a box into one of the drawers in the dresser. Buffy: You're completely forgiven. I mean, you had reason to doubt. Except for the soul sucking thing I bet Kathy was pretty regular, as far as roomies go. Willow: That's a pretty big 'except.' Buffy: I guess. I'm just glad that it was Kathy's demon-y ways making me no-fun Buffy. I've always thought I was pretty easy going--you know?--it's not like I have the big issues. You know, burn incense, or... Willow: (Picking up the half-sandwich.) You going to finish this? She bites into it. Buffy's senses intensify, focusing in on Willow's teeth as she bites the sandwich. Her eyes narrow. [Ending credits]

Buffy becomes convinced that her annoying roommate is evil, but her friends think she is crazy. Buffy steals Kathy's toenail clippings to prove that Kathy is a demon and they get into a fight.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_06x07

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_06x07_0

At Spinner's locker Darcy: Spinner? Spinner: Hey Darce. Darcy: You know what happened between me and you, the break up... I'm really sorry. Spinner: Me too. More than anything in the world. Darcy: It, it was the right thing to do. There was something missing. I'm sorry. I hope we can be friends. (The bell rings and Spinner goes to class.) Mr. Simpson: Oh Spinner Mason. Just under the wire. Oh and here is our very special guidance counsellor, Ms. Sauv . Why don't you all open up your career aptitude tests. Ms. Sauv : If nothing else, the results may help to inform what universities you apply to and what majors you choose. (Jimmy opens up his results online.) Jimmy: Criminal lawyer, right! Ashley: Family law for me. NYU here we come. Jimmy: I know. I think we're gonna have to open a practice together. Downtown Manhattan, family and criminal law. (Spinner sees that his top result says clown.) Spinner: Clown. I'm supposed to be a clown? Ms. Sauv : Well remember this is just a guide, okay? It's important that you find something that you're passionate about. (Spinner looks at his second choice.) Spinner: Like being a cop. Oh yeah. Get right on that. In the hallway Jimmy: Ah pull it together man. I can't have a basket case thwarting my year. (Spinner pulls out a poem he wrote.) Spinner: She said there would always be an us and she crushed my heart with a bus. I pledged abstinence and faith 'cause she said t'was forever. Now it's just me. Jimmy: T'was. Are you sure uh poet wasn't in your test results? Spinner: Didn't see artist in yours. What happened to the whole art dream? Jimmy: I woke up. Art isn't a career. Law is. Spinner: Yeah so is being a clown I guess. Ashley: You know Spin, Paige is in town. Marco and Ellie are having some people over. You should come. Spinner: Nah I don't know. Jimmy: Wrong. You're not sitting home another night writing these sad-ass, wah wah, I'm gonna kill myself poems. I forbid you. Time to get on a positive tip, alright? Spinner: Alright. Jimmy: Great. Thank you. Outside the school, a bunch of girls are laughing and being loud Some girl: And the face that he was making?! (They keep laughing and Alex glares at them.) Alex: Zip it. I'm trying to study. Sirina: Trying to graduate before you turn 30? Good luck. Alex: A, I already graduated and B, do I even know you? (Sirina throws a carrot at Alex.) Alex: Unless you want these carrots to become part of your anatomy I suggest you stop. (She throws another one and Alex walks over, then turns around and leaves.) Alex: I'm officially too old for this. At Ellie, Marco, and Dylan's place Marco: Okay all we have left here is rice crackers. I spent all my snack money on textbooks and I'm thinking those are kinda dry, so here. Paige: Oh well one of the many perks at Banting, amazing meal plan. Hey that is a spiffy top Spin. Since when are you so oh current? Spinner: Jimmy Brooks original. Ellie: You don't know how many people have asked me where they can get one of these designs. Jimmy: No really? Jesse: Really. Been thinking about selling them? Lot of money in it. Marco: Yeah Jesse don't even bother. I keep telling Jim to start his own line of t-shirts, but he never listens. Jimmy: It's 'cause it's crazy Marco. I'm not gonna start selling t-shirts. Spinner: Why not? There's nothing stopping you. Jimmy: There's a lot stopping me, actually. Ashley: What, like your dad? Jimmy: Like reality. Didn't somebody say something about playing poker? Paige: Oh I'm in. Thanks to too many all night poker sessions, I am a Texas Holdem whiz. Alright let's buy in. In the cafeteria Spinner: Check it out! Check it out. Spimmy Designs, huh? Or The Jimner Clothing Company. Squatch Wear. I like that one. Jimmy: Okay stop. Rewind. Losing the plot. What is this? Spinner: This is the future baby. I'm turning you into the next John John. Ashley: It's Sean John. Spinner: Potato, potato. Okay look, Jimmy people love your t-shirts man. Start a business! Jimmy: With what money? Spinner: I got some saved. Plus Marco's dad could give us some shirts on spec. We make a bunch, go to campus, branch your uncle(?). Jimmy: Do you know how much work that would take? Spinner: Ah we could do it. You and me together. Plus when it takes off, becomes a huge money maker, I can forget all about clown academy. Jimmy you're, you're gonna need money for your fancy New York university, right? Let's make some. Jimmy: I've got an academic fund. I'm totally taken care of. Spinner: Sorry. (Spinner gets up and leaves.) Ashley: Jimmy. Jimmy: Then again I guess it would be cool to see more people wearing my stuff. Spinner: Yeah? Jimmy: Yeah. Let's give it a shot. In a classroom (Alex finishes her exam and walks out smiling.) Ms. Hatzilakos: Alex Nunez. Smiling after a test? Alex: Just happy. Kinda aced it. Ms. Hatzilakos: Congratulations. I'm proud of you. It shows a real maturity that you came back to upgrade your marks, especially after your friends moved on. Alex: You can't become a physiotherapist without a degree, which means I gotta up my marks if I want to get accepted anywhere. So gotta run. Ms. Hatzilakos: You know what would really help with your university application? Alex: Extracurriculars? Ms. Hatzilakos: Which you don't have. Alex: I knew this was going somewhere. Ms. Hatzilakos: Look I need girls for lacrosse. I mean I'm so low on players I might even have to cancel the team. Alex: A tragedy of global proportions. Ms. Hatzilakos: Alex you love lacrosse. I remember from gym class you're a natural. Alex: I am fond of bashing people with a large stick. Ms. Hatzilakos: So you'll think about it? Alex: Me and team sports, sorry not a whole lot to think about Ms. H. At Ellie, Marco and Dylan's place (A montage begins with Jimmy printing out the design, Spinner starts pressing the design onto the shirts, Ellie shows them a picture in the newspaper with someone wearing their shirt, Jimmy and Spinner start selling the shirts on campus until they're sold out.) Spinner: We can't run this operation out of a cardboard box, eh? I'm thinking mail order pyramid scheme. Jimmy: Or we can set up shop outside like Raptors games and concerts... (They see a 'for lease' sign outside a store.) Spinner: Or, or we let the market come to us. Jimmy: What about rent? Spinner: Dude I saved a cool grand working at the Dot and it's not like I'm gonna need it for clown academy. Jimmy: Are you serious? Spinner: I've never been seriouser. What about your academic fund? Say you skim a little off the top- Jimmy: No. My dad has been putting money into that fund since I was two years old. If I even think about touching it, I'm dead. Spinner: Come on give your dad a little credit. He might just go for it, especially when he hears about how good we're doing. At the Dot Alex: So here you are back from the magical university land of Banting, which I assume is going... Paige: Better than perf, but what about you? Are you seeing anyone? Is she cute? Do I know her? I want all the juicy details. Alex: Sorry can't help you. I'm the queen of boring single, lame land. Degrassi's all I got going on. Paige: Well I bet you must be running that place. Are all the kiddies running scared? Alex: Actually they're shaking at my terrifyingly good study habits. Apparently I'm also a natural lacrosse player. Ms. H wants me to join the team. Paige: My oh my. You on a sports team. Alex: Ain't gonna happen. Lacrosse is for losers. Paige: Yeah there's the bitter girl I know. Alex: The bitter loner you used to know is trying to be a little sweeter these days. Paige: Well sweetie a tiger can't change its stripes over night. At Ellie, Marco and Dylan's place (Spinner turns on some really loud music.) Ellie: Spinner I have to read an entire novel, a Russian one. Marco: Yeah can you guys find another place to set up shop? Spinner: Good idea Marco. That's funny. We just passed one on the street. (Mr. Brooks walks into the room.) Mr. Brooks: All set Jim? Jimmy: Yeah. Spinner: Dude ask him. (Spinner turns off the music.) Jimmy: Dad we have this little business. It's uh these t-shirts with my designs and people are really digging the art. Mr. Brooks: Good for you son. Not crazy about the colour, but uh put me down for one. Jimmy: We also thought we could take it to the next level and open up a shop. Make it legit, you know? (His dad doesn't say anything.) Jimmy: So I was wondering if you'd mind if I uh dipped into my academic fund? Mr. Brooks: Son you can't afford to chase these little dreams. The answer is no. I'll be in the car. Jimmy: I don't even need my dad's permission to access my fund. We're gonna do this Spin. We're gonna open this shop. Does that sound good? Spinner: Dude that's like, that's like my ten favourite songs playing at the same time. Turn up to 11! Outside the store, Spinner is passing out flyers Spinner: Hi what's up? Yo check out our store. It's right behind you. Hey check it out. Guys here you go. [SCENE_BREAK] Inside the store Marco: Jimmy man this is incredible. Ashley: Well it ain't pretty, but the customers don't seem to mind. Jimmy: I just cannot believe we're making money. I mean if this thing takes off I could probably pay my own way to art school. Ashley: Art school? What happened to pre-law, NYU? Jimmy: I don't know. I, I just think maybe this art thing could work out, you know? How cool would that be? Ashley: Very cool. As long as we're together and you're happy. It's all good. (They kiss.) Spinner: Man we are going to be famous fashion designers. Just like Ducce & Gabbana. Marco: Yeah that's uh Dolce & Gabbana, Spin. You know the gay fashion designers? Spinner: Yeah, except not so gay. Customer: You guys take debit? Spinner: Cash only my friend. (Spinner opens the cash box and the guy eyes it suspiciously before walking away.) Spinner: They'll be back. In the gym Ms. Hatzilakos: Okay guys that was good focus and good passing. Ah here's our ringer. So you ready to help out the team? Alex: Nothing I love more than giving up my weekend for the team. Ms. Hatzilakos: Most of you probably know Alex. She graduated last year, so we are very lucky to have her back. Alex: I can't get enough of this place. Ms. Hatzilakos: Okay let's continue loosening up a little bit. Let's do some passing drills, okay? Stay focussed guys! Alex: Hey baby carrots. Looks like we're team-mates. Sirina: Doesn't mean I have to talk to you. At Marco, Ellie and Dylan's place Marco: We sold a truckload! I can't believe this day. Ashley: When these guys are famous, they better remember their friends. Jimmy: Okay this should improve the snacks around here. (Jimmy gives Marco some money.) Marco: You didn't have to Jimmy. Ellie: Speak for yourself. Jimmy: After Marco's dad's cut for the t-shirts, the rest is pure gravy. Dylan: Ah not to be a killjoy, but I've taken some business classes. You've got taxes, book-keeping, insurance, overhead and hydro. Spinner: Dude our gravy. Jimmy: I guess we have a problem. In the gym during a lacrosse game Alex: Shoot it I'm open (Sirina passes the ball to someone else.) Sirina: Over here! Alex: Over here! (As it's being passed to Alex, Sirina runs in front of her to receive the pass and knocks Alex down. Alex stands up, gets the ball and scores while everyone cheers for her.) At the store (Spinner picks up the phone pretending he's on a call.) Spinner: Ring. Squatch Designs, what can I put you down for? A hundred? Super. Jimmy: You been busy. Spinner: Oh you know just saving the store. Jimmy: You doubled the prices? Spinner: Yeah to re-coup our cost twice as fast. Jimmy: Spin look around. You're driving business away. Spinner: At least I'm trying. Jimmy: Yeah too hard. Spin look, I've been thinking maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe my dad was right. Spinner: No he was wrong and we'll see just how wrong and laugh in ten years when we are sipping cognac on our fly company yacht. Jimmy: Spinner, wake up. There's no yacht, okay? In tens years I will be practicing law in New York and you will be twisting balloon animals in North York. (Spinner gives him a hurt look.) Jimmy: Look let's just fix these tags please and, and sell everything we have on the shelves and we'll be done. Spinner: No, you know what? You do it. I'm on break. In the hallway after the game Alex: Sirina! Sirina: So finally remembered my name. Alex: Ms. Hatzilakos told me. She also told me that you and I have to get along. (She doesn't say anything.) Alex: So, go team go? (Sirina starts to walk away.) Alex: I'm trying to be nice here. Sirina: Please. You know you're not fooling anyone. You're a hateful bitch Alex. That's all you're ever gonna be. (Alex pushes her and Ms. Hatzilakos sees.) Ms. Hatzilakos: Alex! My office now! At the store (The guys that were eying the money box come back.) Jimmy: Hey what's up? Feel free to look around. We've got some cool tees here so just ignore the prices. I'm still fixing them. Guy: It's not the tees that I'm interested in. (Spinner is shown walking outside when he hears Jimmy inside the store.) Jimmy: Hey! (Spinner rushes inside.) Jimmy: Spinner help! (Spinner runs over to the guy fighting with Jimmy while the other guy runs away with the cash box.) Spinner: You move and I break it in half. Jimmy: I owe you one. (Spinner holds him against the wall while Jimmy calls the police.) Outside the school (Alex holds a bag of baby carrots out to Sirina.) Alex: They're not poisoned and they make great projectiles. (Sirina ignores her.) Alex: I got a week's worth detention. That should make you happy. Sirina: You really don't remember, do you? Alex: Am I in the twilight zone? No, I don't know you Sirina. Sirina: Two years ago you almost blinded me with a laser pointer during my first and last debate or how about when you tripped me on the way to the caf? I sprained my ankle and I had to quit the team. Alex: It wasn't personal. You could have been anybody. Sirina: But it was me. A real person. You made my life hell and the worst part, you don't even remember doing it. (She walks away while Alex looks upset.) Outside the store Police officer: Heck of a takedown there chief. You guys will get that vendor's licence before you open up again? Jimmy: Actually we uh, we won't need it. We're gonna close shop permanently. Police officer: We'll be in touch. Spinner: You know you have no idea how lucky you are. Jimmy: You're right. That guy could have killed me. Spinner: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about this. Look at that design. It's awesome. People love it. I would give anything to have what you have, Jimmy. Talent! Jimmy: Who says you don't? I just watched you take down some dude like Jack Bauer in there, man. That was sick. If that ain't talent, dude... Spinner: Yeah I guess I am a crime-fighting super stud. You're right about that. (Jimmy's dad walks over to the cop.) Mr. Brooks: Officer what's, what's, what's the problem? Police officer: Well it seems to me there was a robbery here at this location. Jimmy: He looks pissed. Just wait 'til I tell him where I got the money for this place. Man I am a dead man rolling. Spinner: Dude I just faced down a robber. I think you can face down your dad. Mr. Brooks: Thanks. (Jimmy's dad walks over to them.) Mr. Brooks: Jim I'm so relieved you're alright. Let's get you home now, okay? Jimmy: Okay. Dad uh just wait. We got to talk. (Spinner smiles as he walks away.) Scenes for next week Voiceover: On a new episode of Degrassi, the happy couple is finally reunited. (Sean is released from jail and him and Emma are shown hugging.) Sean: I missed you. Emma: I missed you too. (Emma and Sean are having dinner together.) Emma: Everything is perfect. Sean: You're perfect. (Sean kisses Emma.) Voiceover: But will the honeymoon last? Emma: How do I even begin to tell him what I did with Jay in the ravine? Sean: Did you and Jay have a thing last year? Emma: I'm not the girl you knew in grade 7 anymore. Jay: She damn near begged me to let her do it. (Sean tries to hit Jay.)

Spinner is upset over the results of his aptitude test, and when Jimmy decides to design and sell T-shirts, they go into business and open a store. Meanwhile, Alex returns to Degrassi to get more credits, but her bullying past comes back to haunt her.

fd_Pretty_Little_Liars_01x04

fd_Pretty_Little_Liars_01x04_0

[In front of Hanna's house] Hanna's mother talks to a policeman then returns Ashley: I never want to see another police car outside the house. I thought we had finished with it! Hanna: His car is not completely destroyed it can repair it. Ashley: This time I regret I can not do anything for you, you understood me? [In a park] Emily: Your mother was really angry that you're destroying the car of Sean. Hanna: I have not destroyed and damaged I finally everyone reacted very well to the situation. Emily: Oh Hanna: There is no Oh, it is adults that's all. Aria: So there it is the city just put the new bench and flowers will be planted and also there will be a gathering of remembrance. Spencer: From memory? Emily: Bah yeah messages, photos in memory of Alison Hanna: Yeah nice tombstone. Aria: Hanna! Hanna: What! Emily: we should each do something. Hanna: You know I have the bracelet Alison since the day he was found in the woods and I do not want this responsibility. Aria: I do not want. Hanna: One of you should take it I'm serious. Spencer took the bracelet. Spencer: Look at you, a bunch of babies! Anyway there is nothing that A can do or say to embarrass us without endangering this too. Hanna: You sure it's "it"? Spencer: She or he, it makes no difference. Spencer leaves his computer. Aria: What are you doing? Spencer: I will block all messages from people I do not know. Chat, SMS, email the total. f*ck you see A. Voila, who's next? Emily takes the computer. Mr. Fitz goes by bike Spencer: And here is a lovely rider whose name begins with F. Hanna: Hello Mr. Fitz. Ezra made a hand signal. Spencer: What form Mr. Fitz! Aria takes the computer. Aria: Well I'll do it. Spencer: There's some depth we preferred not to see on a bike and there are no other we love to see on a bike. Hanna: I do not want to see Mr. Glory on a bike. Emily: I refuse to see Mr. Glory in motion, that says it all. Hanna: Mr. Fitz Aria: Hanna! It's your turn. Hanna takes the computer. Spencer: You've talked to Ben? Emily: I have nothing to say. Aria: So it's really finished? Emily: It's nothing, I'm fine. Aria: Okay u say sit. Hanna: It deserves a drum roll is the filles.Ca this time it's finished. Now A can no longer reach us. Spencer: You hear all these nice messages floating in areas all around us. Aria: Yes, and none comes from A. Emily: And that's it's a very good thing. Hanna: Yes this is great, out of sight of the heart. A leaf flies through the wind and sometimes the feet of girls, Aria picks it up. This is a photo of Alison with red writing on it: "Ding Dong the Bitch is Dead." The girls look all around them. Aria crumples the paper and they go. [At school] Emily: Hi Maya: Hi. I have a gift for you. I saw AC and I thought it was the prettiest color of the planet. I was right it's beautiful. Emily: It's ... it's very pretty. Thank you. Maya: See you just now. [Cafeteria] Hanna: Why did your parents you have not taken to New York with your sister? You deserve a little break to you too right? Spencer: Not as much as Melissa. Oh nice your scarf. Emily: Thank you. Hanna: It's a new one? Emily: No! Hanna's laptop sounds Aria: Bah answers will go ahead! At least now there is that it can be. Emily Hanna! Hanna: It's my father! Hanna picks. Hanna: gosh hello! Hanna goes. Emily: But I thought they did it was not spoken since he left the house?! Aria: I know nothing. Spencer: relationship with her father that this is the kind of thing we avoid too much talk. Aria: We had just stopped to look. Aria's laptop sounds. Aria: The Buzzed my brother just appear on my laptop. Spencer: What did you put in your favorites? Aria: Yes a moment of weakness. Toby and Emily face Toby: Sorry. Emily: It's my fault. Aria: It may be A you just shake. Spencer: It s'ne damn, we are not finished with A?! Aria: Yes ... But me, I continue to avoid Toby. Spencer: Yes, and Jenna. Emily: Yes I think that's what is wisest. [Hanna on the phone with his father] Father of Hanna: I could not go back to Pennsylvania without seeing you! But if you have other things to do ... Hanna: Oh nan dad I expected nothing tonight. Father of Hanna: Then I go to take around 7am, it suits you? Hanna: It's great I told Mom. Um ... Dad? Father of Hanna: Yes? Hanna: Does mom ... Father of Hanna: Does mom what? dear Hanna: Nan drops. See you tonight. Father of Hanna: Yes to earlier. Hanna: Goodbye. [Classroom of M.Fitz] Aria: Hi. Ezra: Hi. Aria: Uh ... I saw you walking around town the other day by bike. Ezra: Yeah. I also saw you, I made you a sign you remember? I wanted to stop but you were not alone. Aria: Yes indeed my friends you found it sexy. Ezra: You, you said what? Aria: I, I was a little embarrassed that my friends find you as sexy. It was a bit odd given the circumstances. Ezra: What is Aria circumstances today? If you know me said me there because I'm clueless. Aria: Me too. It's not all that reasonable. Ezra: Nan so I can tell you ensure that it not have it. Aria starts from Ezra: But we need to talk. It has things that we must speak not only between classes, I'd be home tonight I might suggest one or two dishes that I know almost cooked. I wanna talk to you and not when you're at your desk or when you're hidden behind the crest of Dan Farren. Aria: What time do I have? Ezra: 7 hours. Aria: 7 hours is good. [High School Corridor] Hanna: He must spend two weeks in New England but he made a detour to see me. Aria: It's ... it's great Hanna! Hanna: What? Emily: Do you think it would come just because of Sean's car? Hanna: No of course not, we talked about it and it is not at all because of that. And even if it did all that matters is that he comes to see me. A professor: Spencer! Spencer: Mr. Cheldr ?! A teacher: I wanted to tell you but you being here is, it's remarkable that you did on the history essay. Spencer: Oh thank you. A teacher: A very clear presentation. Spencer: This is not new as an idea. A teacher: I introduced him to the orchid gold. Spencer: You what?! A teacher: It is only prestige but the real interest of winning this competition is the impact on university applications. Spencer: But no ... A teacher: We will see the details after class. Hanna: What is the orchid gold? Spencer: A national competition of essays on history. Emily: It'll allow you a little more lather. The bell rings. Aria: Go to any hour. [Hall of Chemistry] Toby: Hi. Emily: Hi. You're there for the chemistry course? Toby: I'm starting today. Emily: Cool. Toby: You wore a scarf this morning! Emily: Yes it's true I took it off. Toby: You were pretty with. Emily: Thank you. Professor of Chemistry: Go there you sit. (He tells Toby place next to Emily.) Emily: Not here please. Pity pity pity pity. Toby: Well bah it is a partner of chemistry, it does not bother you? Emily: No. Emily opened her chemistry book and find the photos taken with Maya including one where they kiss at the Christmas party Kahn. [At Aria's] Aria: I'm here. Ella: Oh! Aria: A special chicken in the middle of the week! Ella: Yes, your father loves it. I wanted to please him. Vegetable nuggets that you're going? Aria: infact I wanted to dine at Spencer. Ella: Oh agreed and Mike sees some friends, so I think your father is I will be home for us all alone. Aria: Well that's great. [Flashback] Alison: This is not your father's car? Aria and Alyson Meredith sees Byron kiss in his car. Alison: We need you to tell your mother! Aria: Say what? Alison: Aria! You saw your father kissing your father kissing another woman that your mother finally you must tell him! Aria: And how do you want me to tell him that? Alison: I know. But it is imperative that you tell him. Aria's laptop sounds. Aria: He is my father. Alison: Unhook not! Aria: But I must answer him. Alison: He will try to convince you to say anything, it is imperative that she knows the truth! You must tell him Aria before she learns by someone else. Otherwise you lose them both. [End of flashback] Aria: Mom! Ella: Yes? Aria: I ... I sting you a carrot. Ella: Yes. [In Spencer's] Hanna: I would love to have a sister for him intelligent sting his duties. Spencer: I have a duty to my sister for not getting tired, I have not looked further. If I tell Cheldr to withdraw my application it will guess that I cheated. Hanna Spencer what makes you think you're going to win this competition? Oh yes I forgot you have it in my blood. Spencer: Well, try it with. Hanna: I have found the perfect outfit, my father has not seen me since I lost weight. Spencer: This jacket is not you. Hanna: So it's perfect. Spencer. Spencer: What? Hanna: Are not you curious? Spencer: It blocked the unknown numbers that's it. We faced up all together. Hanna: Nan finally yes I know, I was wondering if you had cheated. Spencer: Nah. Hanna: Okay, me neither. [Bar where Maya works] Emily: Maya can I talk for a second? Look! Emily shows him the photos taken during the evening of Noel Kahn. Maya: Oh, great hast found. But where were they? Emily: In my book of chemistry. It is you who have put in? Tell me if you did I would not be angry. Maya: There's no material to be angry. I think we're very pretty. Emily: Thou hast put into my book? Maya: No, no. Emily did not put yourself in this state, I guess someone has to pick the party. Emily: And the person that looked at what we are kissing it's embarrassing. Maya is going to Emily: Maya. Maya: I have to work back. [At Hanna's] The door rings. Tom (Hanna's dad): Hanna! Hanna: Dad! Tom: Oh what are you're thin is almost nothing left to tighten. Hanna: I missed you. Tom: You too. Hanna: I'll get my bag. Ashley: Hi Tom. Tom: What's up Ashley? How are you? Ashley: It's OK. Tom: You're in the air. So are you ready? Hanna: Yes. Ashley takes its business. Tom: Hmm Ashley it was probably misunderstood about this evening, infact I wanted to take the opportunity to be alone with Hannah. Ashley: Oh, then I can not understand indeed. Tom: No no it's my fault. It'll be eh darling just you and me? Hanna: Well ... yes. Ashley: Good evening. Tom returned too late. Tom: Yes of course. Hanna: Hi Mom. Ashley: bye have fun. [In the street] Tom: This is a new car so it not bother you if I led? Hanna? Hanna: It's about the car of Sean! Mom you're all about? Tom: It's a bit more complicated than that. Hanna: So let me try to s'simplifier things. If you came to me engeuler case was to go home and finish. Nan also engeule me here so the neighbors can enjoy watching! Tom: I'm not back to you engeuler, I'm here to help you went through a difficult period. You're a good Hanna, you have always been but occasionally you're a scared too enthusiastic. Remember when you climb the trees when you were little you always had me to help you back down. We'll get by, I promise. So if you want you can go to dinner dined, if you want to go in the middle of shooting Jollyrogers you can go. It is you who selected agree? Hanna: Yeah agree. Tom: Princess. [SCENE_BREAK] [Ezra's Apartment] Aria: Do you use it? Ezra: Like clipboard. But it helps me remember that there was literature before the laptops. What do you think? Aria: It's pretty. I love thank you for asking me. Ezra: It's normal. How are things with you? Aria: Oh okay, my mother and my father dined alone together tonight. Ezra: Maybe they will fix things. Aria: I think all head to heads of the world will not help, she will be devastated when she learns the truth. Ezra: Aria, It has happened to you to think that your mother knew perhaps more than what you thought? Aria: No she knows nothing and that's the worst finally it's almost the worst. Ezra: But maybe your parents have come to some sort of agreement that you are not aware of? Aria: No that is not possible. What is an agreement for you? Ezra: Ok uh when I was 12 my parents separated my brother and I were not understood, I learned later that they had had affairs, they were pardoned their infidelities but it is another thing that killed their marriage. Aria: But then it comes to your family, not mine. What are you trying to tell me? Ezra: I just wanna say that this is not because your father was involved in these stories that it is up to you to solve their problems. Aria: But that's not what I'm trying to do, I just try to live with that. Ezra: But it is for them to live it. You do not realize that your parents have to sort it out between themselves adults. Aria: Among adults? Ezra: Yes Aria: So I'm not mature enough to handle the situation? Ezra: No, I did not say that. Aria: I think that's exactly what you said. You say I'm a girl and that I should mind my own business. Ezra: No, I assure you I did not say that. Aria: If you think I am a child so why you invited me here? Ezra: I had invited you here because I do not consider you as a child, this is also why we must understand what is happening between us. Aria: Okay so let my parents out of it. Ezra: It's you who came to tell me about your father you remember? Aria: infact I think I made a mistake in coming here. Ezra: I think not. Aria: But I am sure. In any case it is certainly not an adult would have done it. [Classroom] Hanna: It was, it was great. Incredible I swear. Emily: And it took you where? Hanna: In Jollyrogers. Aria: That sucks this amusement park. Hanna: Nah it is not zero at this point and anyway it does not go on the Ferris wheel. We walked, we talked. I told him what was happening. Not worry I'm not all about him, he just listened. You go to account-he wants to make a real dinner is tonight, he has things to tell me, I do not know I think he wants to spend more time with me. It may take me on vacation in Maryland. Emily: Are you serious? Aria: You want to go? Hanna: I do not emm nagerai there at least not for every day. I want to leave Mom alone but I'd like to see my father more. Spencer: Wouha Aria: I'm happy for you. The bell rings. Ezra: I was wondering if at the end of the novel some of you do feel troubled by the hypocrisy of Adicus. I mean there Mr. procedure when it comes to Tom Robinson and then when he is stabbed Youwell Bob is ready to accept the decision of the sheriff. Spencer: It tries to protect Bouradl . Ezra: The protection of what? The legal system? Adicus is an officer of the court and conspiring to cover a horrible crime and he is more willing to accept that his son paid for the act committed by Bouradl . Aria: It is a market. Ezra: What market? Aria: Mr. Youwell would have killed her children and Brou saved them. Adicus always felt guilty vis- -vis Tom Robinson when he offered to save James Brou. It's like a sacrifice Ezra: Very noble. Too bad James was unconscious. You think he would have a different opinion? Aria: No he would agree. Ezra: You are on this? Aria: He was well educated. Ezra: I will take Mr. Sperlling, you want to add something? With all your cool. M. Sperlling (pupil): Well, James's father was a lawyer, he might have succeeded to get his son away. Being well educated has nothing to see in all this. Ezra: Yeah? The book teaches us what we do as an adult in time did you pay any attention? M.Sperlling: Nah I just want to say ... Ezra: Nan nan nan what you're saying is that Aria has tried to understand this book and not you. M.Sperlling: Nah I did not say it M.Fitz. Ezra: So what did you mean? M.Sperlling: Well I'm sure qu'Adicus have managed to get his son away more easily than Brou that's all. [High School Corridor] Emily packs his things in his locker and see school children laughing on one side and the other Toby opened his locker where does a lot of foam. [Restaurant] Tom: Thank you. This is a great honor to go out with you two nights in a row. You think Sean will be jealous? Hanna: I have not spoken to him since the memorable evening. Tom: Last night I hoped you would like to mention what happened between you two. Hanna: I was enjoying myself too much for that. Tom: I feel that all this has nothing to do with him and I think something else is happening. Hanna: it is something else going on? Tom: How do you feel about what happened to Alison? Hanna: I know but it's true that sometimes I really want to get away, to go away from here. Tom: In a place where you would empty your head, in a place where you would see things differently. Hanna: Yes that is exactly what I mean. Tom Hanna, there are two other things that should be discussed. Hanna: Oh yeah and what is it? Tom: Oh, here they are. Isabelle: Good evening. Tom: Good evening. Kate: Hi Tom. Tom Hanna Isabella I present my bride. Hanna: Your betrothed?! Isabelle: I'm so happy you met Hanna. Tom: And here's the daughter of Isabella Kate, let me introduce Kate Hanna. Kate: Hanna. Tom: I thought it was time to make introductions. [In Spencer's] Sound of a door. Spencer: There's someone? Wren: Uh oh. Spencer: Who's there? Wren: I can not believe it, where are you? Oh, I took it for you in the garden. Spencer Wren, tell me what are you doing here? Wren: I came to fix the situation. Spencer: You're drunk! Wren: I could not come without a little lift, especially at the castle of Hastings. Spencer Wren I thought you were a murderer, you're sick! Wren: I tried but you had called my number blocked. Spencer: No, no I did not have your number blocked. I ... Do you came through the back door. Wren: I had some trouble locating the main entrance. Spencer Wren! Get out! Immediately! Wren: I have thought only of you since you came to see me, I was a coward but it is finished tonight I intend to endorse any my responsibility. Call your father. Spencer: I call someone my parents are in New York with Melissa. Wren: I'll leave. Flower pot falls to the ground Spencer: Great. Wren: Hi. Spencer: Yeah great. Wren: Your face, your lovely face. Spencer: Do you want a good cup of coffee? Wren: I drank a lot of tape I had better not mix. Spencer: Come here. Wren: I am pleased to be here. Spencer: You're crazy! You made me this one is scary! Wren: I'm sorry. [Ezra's Apartment] Aria hits Aria: That sucks I've never been so uncomfortable in my life. First you filled my immature side and then you have this kind of reaction in class, you make them believe I'm your little protected, I bet everyone felt that something was odd. But no no but what's that? You played what? You wanted to teach me a lesson or something, because it's stupid and I have no need. And you know nothing at all about my parents then avoids assuming they have some sort of arrangement or agreement or I do not know anything because you do not know them and you do not know me either . Is that clear? Ezra: It's true you're right. Aria: Oh you think? Ezra: Yes I know nothing about you. [In Spencer's] Wren: I'm sorry for all this mess Spencer: I nettoierais later. Wren: No I do not speak of geranium. Spencer: Why have you said you had to drink to talk to my dad? Wren: For a lot of complex psychological reason but because he has that terrorized me to death. Spencer: It is not so bad once we know Wren: Things will return to normal at last account. Spencer: Yes what passes for normal here anyway. Wren: I thought you wanted nothing changes? Spencer: I think so. I really know I've never known anything else. I did not want to hurt Melissa. Wren: Yeah. Spencer: It's like South Korea and North Korea between us but that's my sister, that's what counts. Wren: Well I think I'm fairly imposed. Spencer: You're not driving in this state. Wren: I will not go to Philadelphia. I have a room to Edwougd Motorcorte. Spencer: You will go nowhere, you're giving me a key. Go on. [The restaurant] Kate: I turned around and Jeff was behind me, at that time he was so focused on the fact of beating me he forgot to raise the rudder when we approached the beach, he was stuck on the I have high foreheads and has slipped down to the beach and make my bow. Isabelle: Hanna of sailing you do? Hanna: No. Isabella: Oh you should. Kate would give you lessons, this is an excellent teacher. Kate: Especially with beginners. Isabelle: It might be fun for both of you, go out by boat. Hanna: To see which one will return alive Kate: This is a joke? Hanna: Of course it's a joke. And that's a fork. Tom: Oh, I wanted to tell Hanna, I had a conversation with the father of Sean and everything should work out. Hanna: You've spoken with his father? Tom: Hmm hmm. He gave me an estimate of the damage you caused to his car and we agreed to fix the problem without the insurance companies. So I will make him a check and you're working for the amount of compensation, assisting the mother of Sean. Hanna: His mother is a dentist. Tom: But you do not soigneras teeth, you will do some cleaning and some secretariat, you will answer the phone. After school and on weekends. Kate: it can be interesting. Hanna: Yeah I'm fascinated by dentistry, do not you? I love the plates of tartar, cavities, veneers, pills ... Hanna's laptop sounds Hanna: Sorry. [In the street] Toby: How are you? Emily: It's going to thank you. Finally we both can go when you leave the garbage. Toby: You know I am well aware that you're not overjoyed to have me as a partner in the lab. Emily: No, that's it bother me Toby: Really? You would not trade if you had the choice? Yeah I understand, it is necessary that you make people pay attention to you regularly. I know many people think I'm crazy, anyway I can do anything about it. Emily: Yeah you have to have sacrament tired of idiots who come fill you your locker with shaving cream, which come laugh at you, tell tall tales about what you are. Toby: Yes it's tough stuff like that piss me off and I do not disagree but I can not help it. As you said this is stupid. Emily: Sorry Toby: You've noticed is how we do not stop to say you're sorry every second. Emily: Sorry. Toby: What I was saying. Emily: The other day in chemistry, there was something in my book, there were the pictures you have seen? Before I close my book, you've had time to see them? Toby: I got the impression that you want anyone to see them, I can understand that. Emily: Really? Toby: You swim forever? Emily: Yes, always. Toby: And you swim because the public is watching you or because this is what you love? Emily: Well ... I swim because I love what I feel when I did. Toby: So just forget all these idiots, they will never see what they want even if you wanted any change in you, all those that you are not their suffirai. They do not care that you change it you spineless disparaisses. I tried I hated. Emily: And now you're back Toby: Yeah that's it. Emily: See you tomorrow. Toby: See you tomorrow. [In Ezra's] Ezra: You're lucky! My kitchen is always better reheated. I make very good rest. Nah not laugh, laugh nan nan after you will not expel pasta through the nose and must be pliers to pull them out. I'm sorry for what is being spent. I wanted you to be gone from my house, I was stupid, I should not have. Sperlling to pick on like that ... I'm not proud of my reaction. Aria: But you were right about me. I like fixing things and in my family it is I who organizes and negotiates, I do everything to make connections and that is welded. Ezra: What are you afraid at the bottom? Aria: To see things change. But that does not help what I do, I think that that fixed the situation. Ezra: It is human nature to cling to what we already possess. Aria: I feel like my Aunt Ruth. She has stuffed his dead cat and when you come home there Mugsi on the piano and he is there and she speaks, there is no huge difference between u and Mugsis living Mugsi stuffed after all it is a cat. Aunt Ruth is very happy like that and leave us all goose bumps. I could fix anything and if ever ca can arrange it to my parents to manage. All I can do is tell the truth. I must go. You want me to help you store? Ezra: Well ... you could stay? Aria: No. I must speak to my mother. Ezra: You are about to want to do this? Aria: Yes I am. [In front of the motel] Wren: How are you going back? Spencer: Do not worry about me. Wren: I meant I would have liked to meet you before. They kiss. Back with me. Spencer: I've done very stupid things lately and my quota is exceeded. Wren: Goodnight Spencer. Spencer: Goodbye Wren. [Hanna's Car] A dedication to a song on the radio Hanna. "I do not need you anymore" Spencer: So no matter what you believe, it's not what you think. Hanna? Hanna: It was a matter stronger than us. [In the street] Emily: Good evening. Maya: I do not know what I must do, or kiss you Serer hand. There's certainly plenty of video surveillance camera. Sorry. Emily: Do not be. It's true you have all right to be angry against me Maya: I'm not sorry. Emily: I was wrong of me to take you to the photos Maya: Do you want me for photos or for the kiss? Emily: I loved that kiss, I know not what it means. Maya: You spend a little too long to ask you what things mean: a snapshot, a kiss, a scarf. Emily: There is so much jostling in my head. I just wanna know how to react. Maya: What you need now? Emily: Now, a little space not only with you but with my mother, with all the world. Maya: I'll leave all the space you want. Okay? Emily: Thank you. Maya: Good night. Maya: I treasure you, then I would wait. Nan said nothing that is not worth it I just wanted you to know [At Aria'] Aria: Mom! I must speak to you this is important, there is something you should know. Mom? Ella handed him a sheet, written on behalf of A revealing the binding of Byron. [In Spencer's] Hanna: Well what do we do for A, it's true he or she never knows he or she stopped and called radio stations to make signings, what do we do then? Spencer: I have no idea. Hanna: But you're the one who wanted to block our messages. Spencer: And everyone followed you remember? Hanna: Yeah, we stay together great. Spencer! Spencer: Someone came here! The bracelet Alison. Emily and Aria receive a S.O.S Spencer. [Spencer's House] You can see the mirror Spencer, writing "It will not be that easy bitches-A. "In lipstick. Hanna: It's red jungle Emily: The color of Alison.

The girls block e-mails and text messages from all unknown users in an attempt to stop "A," but their problems are far from over. One girl receives a surprise visit, while another receives a surprise gift in class. Hanna meets her dad after a while and realizes that he has a fiance. Aria tries to tell her mom about her dad cheating on her before they went to Iceland, but it looks likes "A" beats her to it. Emily is still confused about Toby and her kiss with Maya. Spencer's Russian article (the one she copied from Melissa), gets entered in a contest and she is still confused about Wren. And just when things couldn't get any more complicated, the girls find out that trying to keep "A" away comes with a price. Spencer arrives home with Hanna to find that somebody has been in her house, leaving a grave on her table and a message on her mirror.

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[We open with the pages of Captain Astro as Michael narrates the dialogue for us.] Morphisto: [Michael's Voice] "So Captain Astro, this is how it ends? With a whimper. Not a bang!" Captain Astro: "I don't know about you, Morphisto. But I get quite a bang out of it." Morphisto: "All these years of your pursuits - from planet to planet. Over galaxies across billions of light years has exhausted me." Captain Astro: "You'll be getting plenty of rest from now on, Morphisto - in solar solitary! What the... feeling weak ... can barely stand." Morphisto: "Forgot to mention, my dear Captain. This planet I had you chase me to... has a deadly virus. Luckely I'm completely immune, too bad you don't. Get your shots." Captain Astro: "Help me." Michael: "The end of an era - Captain Astro... is dead. The End." Captain Astro is dead?! [Diner. Mikey is telling his friends about Captain Astro's unfortunate demise.] Emmett: Oh my god, what happen? Michael: He died of an intergalactic virus which has no known human cure. When it sound like to you. Brian: Cheap plot to keep you in ball for the next issue. "Captain Astro returned fromt he dead. Out on bucks for $25." Michael: It's not gonna be a next issue. I talked to the publisher. He never bringing him back. [Debbie turns around all smiles. She's looking at a concerned Mike.] Debbie: Sweetheart, what's wrong? Michael: They killed him. Debbie: Who?! Justin: Captain Astro. Debbie: Honey, I'm so sorry. [She smacks Michael in the head.] Did you ever f*cking scare me like that again... f*ck! Ted: Look at that this way - He lived a long and productive life must have saved the world at least 5.000 times. Emmett: Yeah in his age he still look good in Spandex, it's quiet incheapment. Michael: You guys can joke all you want but the word on the net is that the reason he killed him because people thoughed he was gay. Brian: Well, all he lives with Galaxy Lad for thirty years it's a chance of that. Justin: If it's true that they killed Captain Astro because he's gay they mix his dead with hate crime. Ted: I think you get a little carried away. I mean he's not real. He's a comic book hero. Michael: It was more than that. He was a hero for a lot of kid who don't have heros. Now he's gone. [Lindsay and Melanie are picking out wedding stuff. This time it's the place setting and menu. Everything is very, very French.] French woman: This is our plate special. Mel: Translation it's called "blue plate special. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and iceberg lettuce with Russian dressing. French woman: Next le menu parisian. Lindsay: Uh lala. French woman: (speaks french) Mel: So how much for Marie Antoinette's last meal. French woman: Fifty. Mel: Let them eat wedding cake. Lindsay: What's that? French woman: (speaks french) Feast of feasts - it's filet mignon from New Zealand and African lobster. Lindsay: How much? French woman: 125. Mel: Wow, for surf and turf? French woman: Perhaps I should be allow you two to discussed your special day. [Cut to lesbian bar with the shaky cam.] Mel: [to Leda] You should have see this. The plat . Lindsay: It's called tasty. Mel: It's called to rip of. I can't believe of that charge. Lindsay: I can't believe you still carryin on about that. Leda: So which plate you have you pick? Lindsay: We haven't decided it yet. But I'm leaving for the Feast of feasts. Leda: Uh, what's that? Lindsay: Filet mignon from New Zealand and African lobster. Mel: They fly the cow in first class. Lindsay: It's our special day. Mel: You don't remind me on this movement, I don't want to hear that. Lindsay: You don't. In fact we don't had to have a sit-down diner at all. We can have a wedding right here! Mel: Very funny(!) Lindsay: I'm serious. We can do it from five to seven during Happy Hour. Two for one-drinks, three meal and all we can wear is a Buffalo wings! Well it will costs us about a hundred bucks, tops! Mel: Sit down. You've been ridiculous. Lindsay: I'm standing here. You have been who's rediculous counting every nickel and dime. Mel: Every nickel and dime we don't have... Leda: Girls, girls. We maybe dykes, but remember we are still ladies. Mel: I'm sorry if you feel that all I care is about money. But I didn't grow up like a spoiled little rich girl like you. Lindsay: I am not a spoiled little rich girl! Mel: Please! Your entire world view is based on Santa bringing everything you have ever asked for. Lindsay: He didn't bring me everything I ask for. I've never have that cashmere sweater I always wanted. No, I thought that we could just onces we could be a little extravagant. But obviously you've be happier when the "Weddings for Less". But better yet not even gone through even all. Mel: I never said that! But if it's that what you want, it's not too late! [Lindsay storms off. Mel follows.] Leda: [to another dyke] Marriage - straight people deserve it. [Schickle's Mansion - Emmett is very pleased with the blowjob he just received.] Emmett: Where in the world did you learn that? George: Well, in my age technique is everything. Emmett: Technqiue. I would call that art. That was the best oral s*x I have ever had. George: Well I still don't understand you've not in Babylon with so an old guy like me. There are always beautiful young men outside there. Emmett: For one thing most of this beautiful young men are only interested it themselves. And for another the s*x is usally so fast and inpersonally you forget you had it before you get home. So you are different. Well, I got to go. I supposed to meet the boys at Babylon. George: Babylon? Emmett: Yeah, it's a gay dance club. George: I've been in a gay dance bar once. Emmett: Once? George: It was years ago, in San Francisco. It was so hot and such a place. So I turned around and left. Emmett: You're tellin' me that's the only time you have ever been in a place full of queers? George: Well, I've go in the opera of course. Emmett: C'mon. George: Where we're goin'? Emmett: You are coming with me. George: Oh no. I'm not ready. Emmett: Honey, of course you are ready. You've been ready your entire life. You just didn't know it. C'mon, put on your dancing shoes. We are goin' to Babylon! [Babylon. Everybody's dancing holding water bottles. Justin and Brian appear to be doing some kind of drug.] Ted: C'mon, Mike, cheer up. It's not the end of the world. Michael: It's just a universe. I should stay at home. Brian: And cried yourself to sleep. Michael: If I wanted to, yes. What the f*ck of business is yours?! Ted: Better to join the living. Have a drink. Justin: Have a bump. Brian: Have a boy. Michael: In case your forgot I've seen someone. Justin: Ben had nothing to do it with. Michael: [to Brian] You've trained him well. Brian: Thanks. Ted: The kid has a point. Not tying to knock like a marry munker. Justin: You're guys even live together. Brian: Yeah, cheer up yourself. Michael: Well, that's your arrangement. Justin: What about him? Brian: He's too tall. Him? Justin: He's to hairy. Ted: It's like Goldilocks. Brian: Hey and there dancing the Three Bears. Justin: Or we take anyone home we both have to a complete agreement. Ted: That's were so many couple go wrong. The one want color the other wants stripes. Justin: There is Emmett. Brian: Who's that guy beside him? Justin: It's the Crypt Keeper. Michael: I think he's just your type. Not too hairy, not too tall, just right. [Brian is unamused. Emmett introduces George to the group.] Emmett: Hi guys, I want you to meet my new friend, George. George: Hey guys. Emmett: Allowed my to introduce everyone. George: I feel like I knows your guys already. You're Ted, am I correct? Ted: Right. George: The Entrepreneur. You bet I try to credit you cause your website brought us together. And you, of course, are Michael - the devoted friend. Michael: You've told him that? George: And Justin. If I had your courage when I was in your age what different my life would have been. And there is Brian from what Emmett tells me your of a love child of James Dean and Ayn Rand. Brian: George, can I buy you a drink? Emmett: No, we came here to dance! C'mon George, let's boogy. [They enter the dance floor.] Michael: Look at them go. Ted: Yeah, he keep his cholosterin down. Justin: You think they actually doing it? Brian: Why? You got problem with older men, kid? [On the dance floor.] George: It's like a dream. I can't believe what I'm missin'! Emmett: Me neither! [On the bar] Justin: Check out the dirty blond of the white sweater. Brian: How you already know what I like. Justin: Your older man always go for the same type. I'll get him. [As Justin and the trick dive into the crowd, Justin turns and makes an excited face at Brian. Blue neon lights. Brian's on his back, sweaty in bed. Pan down his sweaty body to the head giving him...well, head. Justin's riding someone. Brian laughs] Brian: You have great taste. [The head pops up: it's Justin's trick.] Guy: Thanks. Brian: Not you, him. [ Brian pointing at Justin, who's riding the trick.] [Ben's listening to Michael, who's still upset about Captain Astro. They're in bed, facing the wrong way.] Michael: First time I saw him I was 10 years old. I went out for Fisher's drugstore and there it was. "Adventures of Captain Astro". I never had heard about him. He wasn't famous as Superman or Spiderman. I think that's what attractive me. Just I was the guy whos discovered him. Ben: Or maybe it was the giant bulges in his tights. Michael: After I picked up I was break down. My mom yelled over the stores baker 'Michael Notovny get the ass on the check-out'. So I stuffed it in front of my cords. Ben: You stole Captain Astro? Michael: There wasn't extra money for comics. Since I get home I ran up in my room and finished it. It was all about that Astro would never lie or cheer or steal. Since I read that I rode back at my bike to Fisher's drugstore and I told Mr.Fisher that I swiped it. I was sure he would call the cops. But instead he reached in his pocket and hold out two quarters and he put in at the cash register and he handed me back the comic. Then I goes home. My mom was probably worried about me. Ben: You're a good man, Michael Novotny. Even if you are a petty crook. [He kisses Michael's head, but Michael remains motionless.] [The Happy Fun House. Mel lowers the newspaper she's holding (it blares an Aida ad). Linds comes in with breakfast - only for herself.] Mel: Where is mine? [Linds says nothing. She's searching for the newspaper.] Lindsay: Can I have the Arts and Leisure section? Mel: I'm reading it. Lindsay: In six years I known you never read the Arts and Leisure section. Mel: Well, I'm reading it today. [phone rings. Lindsay won't answer it so that Mel has to so Lindz can steal back the Arts and Leisure section. Which she does.] Mel: Hello? Hang on, it's for you. [Mel steals back the section.] Lindsay: Hello? Hi mom. You have my message? That's good. But she left it to me. She wanted me to wear it. Well, it's real mean it to me, mom! And it's not your place to refused mother! [she hangs off.] Mel: Now what? Lindsay: She won't let me have my granny wedding dress. Mel: What?! Lindsay: She said if granny knew a lesbian was wearing her dress, she'd die. Mel: Thought she already did. Honey. Lindsay: It meant a lot to me to get married in her dress. [Mel kisses Lindsay's head and pulls her to her chest.] Mel: I know baby, I know. [Debbie's taking out the trash behind the diner wearing an "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME" t-shirt. She opens the dumpster. There's a body inside.] Debbie: Holy sh1t! [She says nothing as she looks around for somebody, anybody, to tell her what she's supposed to do next. "Uh," she says at one point. But mostly she stands and blinks as the roar of the highway rushes nearby.] [Someone takes a photograph of the crime scene. The body is now out of the dumpster and on a stretcher.] Cop: No wallet, no ID. Det.Horvath: You search the dumpster? Cop: Yeah. And there is nothing. Det.Horvath: Search it again. [to Debbie] You mind if you ask you a few questions...[he look on her button] Debbie? Debbie: Not if I ask you one first. What the f*ck is happen? Det.Horvath: Looks like somebody strangled the victom and tossed him in the trash. What time do you say you found him? Debbie: 15, 20 minutes ago. When I called you. How long do you think he's in there? Det.Horvath: Six, seven hours from the look of it. You have seen him before? Debbie: Yes, he... [Justin starres at the victim.] Debbie: [to Justin] Sunshine, don't look! Det.Horvath: Sunshine? Debbie: Yeah, that's what I called him. You got a problem with that? Det.Horvath: What about him? Has he got a name? Debbie: Spanish Omelet. Det.Horvath: What? Debbie: Extra crispy home fries and toasts. I only knew him by his order. Det.Horvath: Looks like we got a Jane Doe. Debbie: What you just say? Det.Horvath: Cop talk. Debbie: Oh, you know just because you found a body on Liberty Avenue doesn't give you the right to make fag jokes. The boy in the trash was somebodies son. Det.Horvath: Yeah, I'm sure he made his mother proud. Debbie: Well, I'm the proud mother of a gay son. If you a homophobic prick... Det.Horvath: The name is Horvath. H-O-R-V-A-T-H. File a complaint. [Michael walks up with the gang.] Michael: Ma, you're okay? Debbie: [to Det.Horvath] This is my gay son, Michael. I just telling this nice officer all about you. Ted: Jesus, what happened? Emmett: My god, is he dead? Brian: What the hell you served him, Deb? Det.Horvath: Anyone noticed this guy? Justin: I do. I danced with him onces in Babylon. Det.Horvath: I don't supposed you got his name? Justin: No... Brian: Well, I'm starved. Let's eat. [They walk back into the diner as the victim's body is covered.] [Inside the diner.] Brian: Did you see what he's wearing? Emmett: Leather pants, tank top. Brian: Yeah, my theory is who ever killed him want make some fashion statement. Ted: I think it was crime of passion. His boyfriend discovered that he was unfaithful so set him out. Say, maybe tonight some secret spot. When he gets there his boyfriends steps out of shadows and strangled him. Emmett: I think you have seen too many operas. Ted: I'm goin' tonight, I have an extra ticket if you wanna go? Brian: I'm rather in the dumpster. Emmett: So what to you think he was? Who killed him? Do you think they had s*x first? Brian: I hope so. It's always better you come before you go. [Emmett laughs, and we can see the bacon bits in his mouth. Debbie is pissed off by Brian's joke, and tosses the plates down.] Brian: What's wrong with you? Debbie: That's my question. [Debbie looks up when she hears Michael asking another customer to sign his petition.] Michael: Just sign here. We're gonna show them that life is valuable, gay or straight. Debbie: Well thank goodness somebody running what happens seriously. I'm so proud of you, sweetheart. Michael: Thanks Ma, you want to sign? Debbie: Damn right I will. Give me that pen. [she sees that it's a petition to bring back Captain Astro.] Debbie: "Bring Back Captain Astro"? What the f*ck is this? Michael: It's a petition that the publisher just bring him back. Debbie: What is the matter with all of you? A boy was found outside dead! Stuffed in the garbage! Like yesterdays mash potatoes and you making a joke out of it?! Is that how little you think about his life? How little you think about your own? I expected more from you than that. A lot more. [to Michael] Especially from you. I mean when you more cared about a character in a comic book than a human being. [She storms off. The boys quietly go back to their meals.] [Up in the attic where Old Lesbian Artifacts and Anvils are hidden in trunks...] Lindsay: You gonna love it strapless and tie around the waste, so buttons run about the back and small flower applicated. Mel: What the hell... Lindsay: What? Mel: You just say you describing the dress for being arrange for breaking an entery. Lindsay: I have a key from the front door. Mel: Well let's find it and get the f*ck out of here before your parents comes home. Lindsay: I remember it's on an old wooden trunk. Mel: You're grandmother from a trunk? Lindsay: My family came over on the Mayflower. Mel: In my family 'Mayflower' is a movin' van. Oh, look what I found. Lindsay: That's it. It's gone! Banished. Mel: The chance your grandmother Faye is a Hudini? Lindsay: Well she show my that dress when I was a litte girl. She always put it back in here. Mel: All it's left are these pile papers and these letters. July 28, 1943. "Dear Faye, what a glorious day lying with you on the shore of Few Beach. Feeling this sun on my back as we both fell asleep. But Harry awesome in the Pacific all is do worried. The only time I feel save is when I'm with you. I'm always Vera." Lindsay: "I'm always Vera". Mel: Vera Carmichael. All of them. Lindsay: She never mention any Vera. "December 24, 1943. Dear Faye, I'm sitting here in front of the fire, eating cake and singing Christmas charol on the radio. Like a good housewife waiting for my husband to come home from war. Except it's a lie. I don't belong here all with Harry. I only was to be with you, to talk with you, to be held by you." Mel: "Be held by you." Sounds like a hell of a friend. Lindsay: Unless she never talked about her. "Talk with you, to be held by you, kiss you,... to make love with you." Mel: Holy sh1t! Granny Faye was a... Lindsay: Dyke. [Schickles Mansion. George plays on the piano.] Emmett: So Georgy, where shell we've been tonight? There is be a Contest in "The Eagle" and "What Jockstrap you believe look awesome", uh Nipple Night. George: All sounds delightfully paste it but perhaps you should go without me. Emmett: Well, that wouldn't be nearly as much fun. Georgie, you alright? George: I'm fine, I'm alright, I just tired. Emmett: Well, you need just your dance legs. What's this? [He finds an invitation on the floor.] George: Uh, it's an invitation. Emmett: Uh, it's pretty fance. George: For the opera gala tonight. Emmett: The opera. I've never been in the opera. My friend Teddy adores it. George: You want my tickets? Emmett: Don't you wanna go? George: Uh, I've been there in years. Not since I came out. Emmett: Well maybe it's time to go out. George: No, it's too difficult, too painful. You know everyone watch me. And besides my wife Virginia guardes the door to the hall like Ceberus. Emmett: So, what say we and go together? George: I don't want to talk about her anymore. Emmett: Sure, but you know what I say if somebody would try to stop me from doin' something I love. George: f*ck 'em all? Emmett: You got it, baby. [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to Mikey's job, but nobody's working. Brian lights a candle under the cutout of Captain Astro and begins delivering a eulogy.] Brian: He was a good man, a loving man. Everyone who knew him was moved by his kidness and generossity. Michael: What the f*ck are you doin'? Brian: I deliviering a hymne. Same one in fact the priester say at my father's funeral. Michael: Well, you don't know about Captain Astro. Brian: As much as the priester know about him. Michael: Well then you have no right to speak for him. You think it's true? Brian. What true? Michael: What my mom said. Brian: That she know that you a queer when you were 5 years old? Michael: That I more care about a character in a comic book than I do about a real person. Brian: So, what if you do? Michael: Well, some might say my priorities would slightly f*cked up. Brian: Yeah? But no sh1t. I mean you've known the Captain your entire life, you never laid eyes on dumpster boy until this morning. So how upset you supposed to do? You remembered this retarded Captain Astro club you start in third grade? Michael: Yeah, you the only one who joined. Brian: I felt sorry for you. Michael: Yeah, thanks. Brian: This lameless T-Shirt with Captain Astro logo you made from the market? Michael: It rans when you sweet it. Brian: And that was your youth, Mikey. Captain Astro was your hero. So, you mourn are you f*ckin' one. [Lesbian Letter-Reading Circle on the attic.] Lindsay: "May 8th, 1945. Dear Faye, I'm looking out my window and I see children running down the street. They leaving little flaggs. In the distance I can hear carhorns. I guess it must be true. The day we all hoped and prayed for is finally here. The war is over. But we've lost. Soon Harry would come home. He wrote me that he wants to move to Fresno. Plenty of cheap lands for GIs to built houses and raised their families. I know I said when the time was came I would tell him about us but I can't. Please understand it's not because I don't love you. But I'm not as brave as you. Forgive me, Vera." She left Granny and get back to her husband. Mel: Times are different then. So, it's what women had to do. They had no choice. [Opera. Emmett is giving George the recap of Aida to make sure he caught everything.] George: The point of the story is the passion transcent all of the material world. Emmett: Well then he should go to the cock divice surgery and check out all these hunky slave boys. [Ted is shocked to see Emmett at the opera.] Ted: I don't believe it! Emmett: Hi Teddy. Ted: Look at you, all spiffed up. Emmett: Oh yeah, George got it for me. A feel like... Ted: ...a million bucks. Emmett: A head waiter. George: I feel you look very handsome. As to you, Ted. Ted: Oh, thank you, George. Emmett: Isn't he a charmer? George: So, enjoy you the production? Ted: Well I'm glad I brought these [opera glasses]. From where I'm sitting it looks like singing flee circus. Emmett: Well that's a shame. We're in the Founders' Box. George: I hope you join us for a glas champagner. Ted: Don't mind if I do. Virginia: George! George: Virginia! Virginia: Well, it's been years since you've been here. George: I know. Virginia: Your looking well. George: So are you. Well so allow me to introduce my friends, Emmett, Ted, my former wife Mrs.Hammond. Ted: Hammond's Hams. Virginia: That's right. Ted: I've packed away a lot of your pork. Virginia: So what prompted you to unexpected emerge from your self-imposed exile? Emmett: I did. George and I are having a fabulous time. He's a wonderful companion. Virginia: And how did you meet? Are you his hairdressers, decoreter, pool boy? Emmett: Actually we're met on the internet. I whack off on his website. I'm the demon dick of dot-com. Virginia: How fascinate. We must pay you quite handsome. Emmett: Oh no. No, no. He doesn't pay me at all. I wouldn't take it when he did. The reason I'm with George is he gives spectacular head. A skill I'm certain not learning from you. [Virginia gives the Rich Lady's Gasp as Emmett pulls Schickle back to the second act.] Emmett: C'mon, George, we don't miss the second act. Ted: [to Virginia] How 'bout that Verdi? [Brian's loft. Brian and Justin are shirtless.] Justin: You think he knew who killed him? Brian: Who? Who the f*ck do I know? Justin: Maybe we know him. Maybe we could f*cked him. Brian: That'll be hot. Justin: Like that guy the other night. We didn't know him. We didn't anything about him. He could have done anything to us. Brian: The first time you came here you didn't know anything about me. And I didn't anything about you. Justin: I was pretty sure you're gonna f*ck me. Brian: Then what? [Brian lowers himself to the bed. There's a pause and then Brian pounces on Justin with some force. Justin's laughing hesitantly, allowing Brian to overpower him, threatening to choke him. ] Brian: What if... [Brian licks Justin's torso down to his waist, back up over his nipple and settles on his neck. His other arm pins Justin's right hand to the bed. Brian grabs Justin's neck with both hands.] Brian: What if...I start strangled you? [Justin gasps and struggles against Brian's hands, but he's not scared.] Justin: I rather you choke my with your dick. Brian: You could have been dead. Justin: Cut it out. [Brian sits up.] Brian: You came here not knowing what gonna happen that's part of the thrill. It's what made you hard. Your hard know just thinking about it. The danger. The excitement. Justin: [moans] f*ck me! [George and Emmett are in the back of Schickle's limo.] George: Don't be so upset. The seal of this opera is their love will live on all eternity. Emmett: I don't care about them. It's you. George: Me? Emmett: I never should have talked to your wife that way. I didn't mean so such a nasty queen. Now thanks to me we are banish from the opera for all eternity. George: Thanks to you I'm planning to attend every opening this season. Hopfully with my hunky slave boy on my side. Emmett: You're not angry? George: Angry? I never saw Virginia open her mouth that wide. Who know maybe if she did, we'd still be together. Oh god, what a revelation you are. In the past few weeks alone than I have in the past... years. Emmett: So what's the next time you do? George: Rigoletto. [Mel and Linds House. Mel's coming downwards.] Mel: You're coming to bed? Lindsay: In a minute. There is one more letter. Mel: It's never been opened. "Dear Faye. I known it's been years since I written you. Harry died last week. We are married for 50 years. It's a good marriage. We shared my things. But at the funeral I could stop thinking what different my life would have been if... if what? If I had the courage to say yes, to be honest. To express what I truly felt like the time we share the day at the Shore Beach. I've always loved you Faye. And even known it's been a lifetime I want you to know I still to. You're always were and always will be my true love. Vera." Lindsay: March 10th, 1994. Mel: So? Lindsay: Granny Faye died in 1992. Mel: She never got to read it. Lindsay: Or know that Vera always loved her. Mel: I'm suddenly in the mood for surf and turf. Lindsay: You are? Mel: I said we go for the menu. Lindsay: It's much money. We could land in the poorhouse. Mel: It's our special day. Besides Grannie Faye would have wanted us to. [Michael stands on a rooftop overlooking Babylon. He's depressed. Ben's on the rooftop.] Ben: Checking out the action? Michael: Everything is the same. Business as usual. Ben: What did you expect? Michael: That things would stopped, or even for one night. That would be a protest or candle light vigil or something. Ben: They don't think about it. Or gay-bashing or AIDS or getting the other sh1t we all have to live with. Michael: So we're supposed to go on the same way? Dancing, drinking, doin' drugs, getting dick sucked? He deserves to be remembered. At least for a minute. Ben: I tell you what. We have our own candle light vigil. Michael: It's awesome. Ben: Turn it off. Open that door. Michael: Any moment anyone of us pick up the wrong guy or get in the wrong plane or step off the curb just as the bus is barelin down the street. You ever get scared? Ben: Well then I meditate. I do Yoga and excerciece like a vient. I free my mind 30 seconds, it's worth them. I have someone to hold at night helps as well. [Michael smiles. Ben puts his arm around him.] [Outside Babylon. Brian has picked up a trick. Justin follows.] Justin: Hey, where d'you goin'? Brian: Uh, Tony, Tommy, Timmy here's invited me over to his house to see his stamp collection. Justin: You're don't even know his name. What's your name? Tony/Tommy/Timmy: What's it to you? Justin: [to Brian] C'mon, let's go home. Brian: Are you scarin' I got murdered? Justin: Brian, please! Brian: It's never been a hard time to f*ck a stranger. Tony/Tommy/Timmy: Hey, we're young? Brian: I'll be alright. [Brian and TommyTonyTimmy walk into pink fog very slowly as Chemical Brothers blast # Song Out Of Control]

Michael mourns the death of his comic book hero, Captain Astro, while Debbie finds a real life murder victim behind the diner. Emmett helps George to enjoy himself. Melanie & Lindsay are inspired by the contents of Lindsay's Granny Faye's secret letters.

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fd_NCIS_04x14_0

MUSIC IN: EXT. STREET - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GOLIATH QUICKLY WALKS DOWN THE STREET TOWARD THE PARKING LOT) (SFX: SUV ENGINE STARTS) (MUSIC OVER ACTION CHASE SCENE/ CAR CHASES GOLIATH) (SFX: GOLIATH SHOUTS/ GRUNTS/ STRUGGLES) (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. GULFSTREAM JET - DAY GIBBS: (V.O.) T.V. drama. Eight letters down. TONY: Uh... Saint Elsewhere? Oh, uh... good morning, Sunshine! GOLIATH: Where am I? TONY: (YAWNING) Tenerife, which is the Canary Islands. We're almost there. GOLIATH: Where? TONY: Hey, what kind of clubs do they have in Morocco? GIBBS: We're not going to Morocco. TONY: Come on, on our way back? GOLIATH: On the way back from where? TONY: Oh, I'm sorry. They only gave you a one way ticket. GOLIATH: Who are they? TONY: Here's the deal. We jump into Casablanca, hit Rick's Caf for a little cocktail. I could tickle the ivories. Here's looking at you, kid. And then we're back to D.C. Nobody knows. GOLIATH: Who are you people?! TONY: Couriers. Delivering a package. As a favor to our Israeli friends. GOLIATH: Package? GIBBS: Don't take it personal, Goliath. TONY: Yeah, can I ask you about that? Every arms dealer I meet, they have the cheesiest code names? I mean, Goliath? Did you choose that? GOLIATH: You are CIA, yes? (SFX: GIBBS AND TONY LAUGH) TONY: Well, this should be interesting. Goliath, I'd like you to meet one of our Israeli friends. (SFX: ZIVA SLAPS GOLIATH) ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) You are a traitor, To our country and our people. GOLIATH: (IN HEBREW) I never sell weapons to Hamas or Hezbollah! ZIVA: You sell to people who do! TONY: You're lucky she doesn't have her slingshot. ZIVA: Still waiting for clearance to take off. The pilot says we'll only be on the ground for a couple of minutes when we reach Zaire. It's much too dangerous to stay there any longer. GOLIATH: Zaire? You're taking me to Zaire? ZIVA: You sold a shipment of RPGs to their army. They were very disappointed with the quality of the merchandise. TONY: I believe the President of Zaire himself, is eager to discuss how you stiffed him. ZIVA: He, in turn, has some information Mossad needs. TONY: And we owe Mossad a little favor, because they told us you were in D.C. and... so here we are. We deliver you to Zaire, the President gives the Israelis whatever information they want and everyone is happy. ZIVA: Well, not everyone. PILOT: (V.O./FILTERED) We are cleared for takeoff. Fasten your seatbelts.(SFX: SEAT BELT CHIMES B.G.) GOLIATH: Please. GIBBS: Yeah? GOLIATH: I am very wealthy. I have diamonds. TONY: Ooh. You had diamonds. This jet is very expensive, and somebody had to pay for it. GOLIATH: I know things. TONY: Yeah. How to trade weapons for diamonds. We got that. GOLIATH: I'll trade information. TONY: And what could you know that would interest the CIA? ZIVA: (CHUCKLES) He thinks we're the CIA?(SFX: ALL LAUGH) GOLIATH: Well, the CIA, F.B.I., NSA - what difference does it make? I have information to trade for my life. (BEAT) ARES. TONY: Cancer. GIBBS: Virgo. ZIVA: Scorpio. GOLIATH: No, your Navy's encrypted satellite system. ZIVA: Not my Navy. GOLIATH: The American Navy. They use it to send target coordinates to cruise missiles. TONY: Did you get that out of Jane's, Goliath? GOLIATH: What if Iran possessed it? Or North Korea? In the war, they can intercept and change cruise missile coordinates. Send them to Tel Aviv. Seoul. Or even return to sender. TONY: But they don't have ARES. ZIVA: Sit back, relax, and try to enjoy the rest of your miserable life. GOLIATH: ARES is for sale. And I know who is selling it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) The guy we're after is Charles Harrow. There should be an email from him on Goliath's computer. MCGEE: Ah, Charles Harrow. Right. ABBY: We have to tell him.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) GIBBS: Tell me what? ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Wow, Gibbs. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Nothing wrong with your hearing. MCGEE: Boss, this may take a while. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Hey, McGee. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Even I can download an email. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Well, you know your user name... (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) ... and password. ABBY: (INTO PHONE) We haven't even penetrated Goliath's screen saver yet, Gibbs, which is a bitchin' picture of a Greek island. At least I think it's a Greek Island. MCGEE: (V.O.) Well, it's (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED)...definitely the Aegean Sea. That blue is too... GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Paragon. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Paragon? (SCENE CUT) (ABBY HITS MCGEE) MCGEE: Hey! ABBY: I'm just doing what Gibbs would do if he were here. Paragon is Goliath's username. MCGEE: Oh. (INTO PHONE) Okay, uh Boss, you wouldn't happen to have... GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Delta... (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Seven one zulu three nine kilo five. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: Oh, we're in! ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs, you slayed Goliath. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Well, Abs... (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) It was either him or you. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. GULFSTREAM JET - DAY (SFX: HATCH OPENS) GOLIATH: This isn't Tenerife. TONY: Well, I told them to take a left at Bermuda. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) TONY: (INTO PHONE) This is Tony. MCGEE: Boss, found that email. Harrow has a villa for sale on Santorini. That's... ZIVA: Greek island in the Aegean. MCGEE: Right. And he's asking twenty million, but Goliath doesn't want to pay more than-- GIBBS: Fifteen. MCGEE: But uh... but I don't think that the villa... GIBBS: Is what he's selling? MCGEE: Right. So I have pulled everything that I can find on Charles Andrew Harrow. Age sixty-eight. Civilian encryption specialist employed by the D.O.D. until he retired three years ago. His most notable project was... GIBBS: ARES. Top secret NAVY encrypted satellite targeting system, named after... MCGEE: A Greek God of War. GIBBS: Right. Is that all? MCGEE: No. No, I'm also running Harrow's phone and email records for the past ninety days against databases of known arms dealers. No hits yet, but I did just start. GIBBS: Two-oh-five Rosewood Drive, Northwest D.C. Is that address still good? MCGEE: As far as I know. GIBBS: Dinozzo, Ziva, go get him. ZIVA: Uh... Gibbs? GIBBS: McGee. MCGEE: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEHIND MTAC STAIRS - DAY TONY: (INTO PHONE) My pulse is racing, Doctor. My heart is throbbing. I've done a self diagnosis here, and uh... it's not good. I need some relief from the good doctor. (BEAT) I gotta go! (TO GIBBS) I was just... um... I've got to get back to work. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CAR - MOVING MCGEE: (V.O.) These streets are like a maze. ZIVA: I told you I couldn't program the navigator. I'm a driver. MCGEE: Ziva, I've driven with you before. I'd rather be lost than dead. Two-oh-five Rosewood Drive, Northwest. That's it. It's the one with the car pulling out of the driveway. ZIVA: We could race ahead, swerve right, brake hard, and cut him off. MCGEE: Or we could just wait for him to stop. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Uploading Goliath's file into the database, Boss. GIBBS: Briefing paper? TONY: Done. GIBBS: Audio of interrogation? TONY: Being transcribed. You know, Goliath's right, Boss. I ran North Korea. Even some of our allies would pay a fortune to get their hands on ARES. GIBBS: Do you think, Dinozzo? (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) TONY: It looks like McGee's got a name match off of Harrow's emails. Trent Kort. He's on the F.B.I. arm's-dealer watch list. GIBBS: How old? TONY: Ah, five days. McGee's computer... uh, bio's thin. Trent Thomas Kort, thirty-seven years old. British National. Believed to have recently joined...(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC - FLASHBACK KORT: Smiles for me, dear boy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Hey, do you know this guy? TONY: No, I've never seen him before. Those Hawaiian shirts....(READS) "believed to have recently joined La Grenouille, an international arms dealer, fronting corporations in Paris, Nairobi, Cape Town. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SHEPARD'S LAB - DAY (DOOR OPENS) TONY: I know - ah, sorry. Cynthia wasn't at her desk so... SHEPARD: So you barged in, Dinozzo? CYNTHIA: That should hold until you get home, Director. SHEPARD: Thank you, Cynthia. (DOOR CLOSES) SHEPARD: I broke a bra strap, and I had Cynthia get me a safety pin. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. TONY: To ease the awkwardness of the moment. SHEPARD: Hmm. We know each other so well, Tony, there are no awkward moments. TONY: Yeah. May I? Charles Harrow. Retired puzzle maker. (SFX: KEYBOARDING) SHEPARD: For who? TONY: Us. Literally us. He designed ARES. It's the Navy's cruise... SHEPARD: Missile targeting system. He come out of retirement? TONY: In a way. He's offering ARES in a one-off to the highest bidder. SHEPARD: La Grenouille. TONY: He's one of the bidders. SHEPARD: How did we come by this? TONY: Mossad passed intel onto Ziva about an international arms dealer, code name, Goliath. SHEPARD: I've heard of him. He's Israeli. TONY: TONY: And Ziva didn't take too kindly to that. He's rumored to be bidding on a stolen Navy weapons system. We snatched him this morning. Got him downstairs on a visa violation. His computer is in Abby's lab. (CONT.) And we were running Harrow's cell calls and emails for known arms dealers when... this guy popped off an F.B.I. watch list. Name is Trent Kort. SHEPARD: You took that picture eight weeks ago. Why are we just getting a name now? TONY: I have no idea. I ran that photo against all agency watch lists, including the F.B.I., and I got nothing. SHEPARD: It doesn't matter. This is good. TONY: And it's bad. I had to lie to Gibbs. SHEPARD: You were on an undercover mission. TONY: He's my boss. SHEPARD: And I'm his boss. You leave him to me. Your ass is covered. TONY: I'm not worried about my ass, Jenny! SHEPARD: Gibbs put Harrow under surveillance? TONY: No. SHEPARD: No? TONY: He sent Ziva and McGee to pick him up. SHEPARD: (INTO INTERCOM) Cynthia, get Agent Gibbs in here ASAP...(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) GIBBS: You send for me, Director? SHEPARD: Call Ziva and McGee off. GIBBS: Off, Director? SHEPARD: They are not to pick up .... TONY: Harrow. SHEPARD: Harrow. GIBBS: Charles Harrow is offering a top secret Navy weapon system to the highest bidder. It could be in the hands of Iraq or... SHEPARD: Damn it, Jethro! This an order! Call them off! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CAR - PARKED ZIVA: Just when you begin to assimilate to American culture, you see a grown man getting his nails done. MCGEE: There's nothing wrong with a man treating himself to a manicure. ZIVA: Don't tell me, McGee. (LAUGHS) MCGEE: I have sensitive cuticles.(ZIVA BREATHES DEEPLY) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/HARROW WALKS DOWN THE SIDEWALK) (ZIVA AND MCGEE FOLLOW) (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) MCGEE: It's Gibbs. ZIVA: Answer it. MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Boss? HARROW: Yes? MCGEE: Ah, sweet cheeks? It's okay. We're all set. ZIVA: We are? MCGEE: Yeah, my brother just called, gave me directions. You know the Washington Monument. Who thought it'd be so tough to find. Thanks anyway. HARROW: No problem.(ZIVA AND MCGEE WALK O.S.) ZIVA: What just happened? MCGEE: Change of plans. Follow. Do not approach. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM LANDING - DAY GIBBS: You haven't been straight with me since I... SHEPARD: Quit? GIBBS: Retired. SHEPARD: When you left on your margarita safari... GIBBS: Margarita safari? SHEPARD: This agency didn't shut down. New operations were put in motion. One sent Tony undercover. GIBBS: Well, I'm back and I won't have a part-time senior field agent. SHEPARD: It's your own fault, you know. GIBBS: For what? Leaving or coming back? SHEPARD: For teaching me your rules. Best way to keep a secret, keep it to yourself. Second best, tell one other person if you must. There is no third best. That's rule number four, isn't it? GIBBS: Number one supersedes all of the others. SHEPARD: Mm, never screw your partner? GIBBS: Never screw over your partner. SHEPARD: I never screwed you over. And I'm not your partner. I'm your boss. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: McGee's search is kicking out another bidder. (TO GIBBS) Hey, Boss! McGee's got something. What is it with these wacky code names? SHEPARD: Anonymity deflects more bullets than body armor. TONY: Well, this one's a woman. The Black Rose. SHEPARD: Rose O'Leary. She ran guns for the IRA until peace broke out. Who's flagged her? TONY: M-I-Five. They were tracking her in Africa. Lost contact six days ago. They think she slipped aboard a Variq flight to Brazil using the name Grace O'Malley. (SHEPARD CHUCKLES) GIBBS: That's funny, Director? SHEPARD: Grace O'Malley was a sixteenth century Irish pirate. What's her bid? TONY: Less than La Grenouille. Only eighteen mil. GIBBS: Unless her bid was in Euros.(GIBBS WALKS O.S.) TONY: Dollars. It's in dollars. Think he'll ever forgive us? SHEPARD: Send me a hard copy when the data's in. TONY: Yeah, that's what I think, too. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MEN'S ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS) (GIBBS AND TONY STAND AT THE URINAL) GIBBS: Are you following me? TONY: (CHUCKLES) No. Why would I do that? GIBBS: I was just asking myself the same question. (SFX: TONY WHISTLES) GIBBS: Want me to run some water? TONY: No, I'm all right. I just.... GIBBS: Ah, just say it, Dinozzo. TONY: I'm sorry, Boss. I uh... I've been wanting to tell you for a long time, but the situation is... GIBBS: Complicated? TONY: Exactly. Director's got this really strict rule about ... GIBBS: Secrets. TONY: Yeah. The point is, I owe you everything. You taught me how to do this job. I never wanted to lie to you. GIBBS: Hell, Dinozzo, you were following orders. I would have done the same thing. TONY: Would you? GIBBS: Yeah. TONY: You would have lied to Mike Franks?(SFX: GIBBS THROWS TRASH IN THE CAN) (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ZIVA AND MCGEE FOLLOW HARROW) MAX: They may do it a little different, you know, but it's all the same. Hey, let's see what she has to say. HURLEY: Ah, look, will you settle something for me and my friend MAX: We really need a woman's point of view. ZIVA: Hey, go ask your mom. MAX: It's a simple question. ZIVA: Let go of me. MAX: See? I told you. All beautiful women are bitches. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ZIVA FIGHTING HURLEY AND MAX) ZIVA: He's spotted us! (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ZIVA AND MCGEE CHASING HARROW) (SFX: HARROW STRUGGLES RUNNING UP THE STAIRS/ GASPING FOR AIR) (SFX: ZIVA PERFORMING CPR) ZIVA: (COUNTS) One, two, three, four, five. DISPATCHER: (V.O./FILTERED) Nine-one-one. MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) We have a man down with a heart attack. La Fonte Plaza steps. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY SHEPARD: You were supposed to keep Mister Harrow under surveillance, not chase him into a coronary! MCGEE: Director, once he made us, we had to take him into custody, didn't we? ZIVA: No, the Director's right. We could have let Harrow escape. If he sold ARES, we could have caught Black Rose or La Grenouille selling it to Iran.... SHEPARD: Don't be cute, Officer David. I'm saying there had to be a better way. Right Tony? TONY: Ah, that's right, Director. He could have... GIBBS: Shot him. TONY: That's right. They could have shot him. GIBBS: Of course, in high octane situations, Ziva reverts back to her Mossad training, and probably would have put a round through his heart. ZIVA: Three rounds. GIBBS: And McGee, not to be outdone, would have .... MCGEE: Added three more rounds. SHEPARD: Gibbs. GIBBS: See? There you go. Six rounds, same result. One dead Mister Harrow. DUCKY: I signed for the body. Cause of death was most likely a.... am I interrupting? SHEPARD: Not at all, Doctor. We were just discussing the various ways NCIS could have killed Mister Harrow, besides chasing him to death. DUCKY: I am interrupting. SHEPARD: Doctor, death was most likely caused by....? DUCKY: A myocardial infarction that was probably brought on by a combination of the high fat Western diet, little exercise, and the mistaken belief that he could run up all those stairs. Rigorous for most. Rigor mortis for him. SHEPARD: Anything else? DUCKY: Well, not until I do the autopsy. (SHEPARD WALKS O.S.) DUCKY: Oh. What is going on? TONY: I think the Director is afraid Harrow's family might sue us. GIBBS: Whatever she's thinking about, it's not ARES. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING ZIVA: That's ARES? TONY: According to McGeek - Ziva, watch the road!(SFX: CAR HORN HONKS B.G.) ZIVA: I have great peripheral vision. TONY: My sphincter doesn't. ZIVA: Well, at least we won't have trouble finding it. TONY: Really? ZIVA: Tony, it's the size of an ATM. TONY: Well this is the controller console, and this ... ZIVA: Your mystery woman! TONY: Watch the road! ZIVA: Oh, yes it is, isn't it?! TONY: No, this is no one! It's McGee's idea of a prank. This is the pirated part of ARES we have to find. ZIVA: Twenty million for that? TONY: Well, size doesn't mat - forget I even stupidly started to say that. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - DAY ZIVA: Will you tell me her name if I find the pirate's copy of ARES? TONY: Pirated copy. ZIVA: That's what I said. TONY: No, you said pirate's copy. A pirate is a person like Captain Jack Sparrow. A pirated copy-- ZIVA: Who is Jack Sparrow? TONY: Johnny Depp. ZIVA: He's a pirate? TONY: No, he's an actor. ZIVA: Oh. TONY: How did we get here? ZIVA: I drove. (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOUSE - DAY (SFX: DOOR CREAKS OPEN) ZIVA: This is going to be like looking for a needle in a needle stack. TONY: Needle in a haystack. ZIVA: I like my description better. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY (SFX: SCANNER) (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY (DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: Sitting in the dark, staring at photos of your enemies could be considered obsessive. SHEPARD: Kind of like building a fourth boat when you haven't even sailed the first three. GIBBS: How well do you know the Black Rose? SHEPARD: Well enough to know that I'd like her if she wasn't an arms dealer. GIBBS: And The Frog? La Grenouille means the frog. SHEPARD: I know what it means. GIBBS: Well, why don't you call him that? SHEPARD: La Grenouille is his code name. GIBBS: Well, I'm going to call him Frog. (SFX: GIBBS CROAKS LIKE A FROG) SHEPARD: Spit it out, Jethro, before it gags you. GIBBS: You were out of control today. Why? The deal died with Harrow. SHEPARD: His copy of ARES might still be in play. GIBBS: You don't want ARES, you want him. SHEPARD: Damn right I want him. I have been trying for a decade to bring him down. GIBBS: So it is personal. What did he do to you, Jenny? SHEPARD: You have no need-two-know, Special Agent Gibbs. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ABBY'S LAB ABBY: (V.O.) Wow! And McGee, this is like Christmas all over again! Look at this baby. Firewire, USB, a terabyte of storage. That's a thousand gigabytes of fun. MCGEE: Well, to be accurate, it's a thousand twenty-four gigabytes of fun. I'll bet you all of them are encrypted. It'll take us years to access all the stuff on these computers. ABBY: You didn't think it was going to be easy, did you? MCGEE: I'm hoping I'd get lucky. I guess I wasn't the only one hoping to get lucky. Huh. These have been opened and resealed. ABBY: Eeuh. MCGEE: Huh. USB micro-drives. Six of them. ABBY: ARES. MCGEE: The software portion. We still need to find the circuit board. Ah, it's got to be here somewhere. ABBY: Wow. I guess everything can't be state-of-the-art. MCGEE: Well, that laptop's got to be nearly twenty years old. ABBY: Hey, maybe it has the original Donkey Kong on it. McGee! How can a twenty-year-old computer have dual firewire connections? MCGEE: It can't. Firewire has only been around about ten years. ABBY: Somebody should have told Harold. MCGEE: It sure looks like an old luggable. ABBY: All right, it should take at least thirty seconds for this to.... Oh. MCGEE: That cunning old fox! He put a new computer in an old skin. ABBY: I like this guy. I mean, aside from the fact that he was about to commit treason. That's the same screensaver that Goliath had. MCGEE: I'll bet you the circuitry to run ARES is hardwired into the motherboard. Abs, I think we found ARES. ABBY: Yes!! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: The software was stored on micro-drives hidden in condoms. And we analyzed every detail, the source code to the circuitry of the motherboard-- GIBBS: McGee. MCGEE: It's like PS - Three. You can't play Killzone without the hardware to run it. GIBBS: PS-Three? MCGEE: Game console. Atari? Commodore Sixty-four? GIBBS: The software is useless without the hardware. MCGEE: You got it. GIBBS: Why didn't you say that? SHEPARD: You found ARES? MCGEE: Yes. Here is it, Director. Live from Abby's lab. GIBBS: You don't seem very happy. SHEPARD: Any more bids? TONY: No. La Grenouille was the high one. Not that it matters, but... SHEPARD: (OVERLAP) Did Harrow arrange the drop off? MCGEE: I checked his Blackberry. This guy writes down every appointment and meeting. Nothing. ZIVA: No phone calls or emails in the last six hours before he died. MCGEE: We were monitoring his - he had coffee! [SCENE_BREAK] (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE OF THE COFFEE SHOP) MCGEE: The caf had internet access. ZIVA: Trimana Caf . Thirty-fifth Street. MCGEE: I've got it. ISP provider. TONY: Can you do this to anyone's email? MCGEE: No. 'Cause this is highly illegal, and I'm not even doing it now. Okay, we're in. At one forty this afternoon, Harrow sent two emails from that ISP. One to Black Rose. ZIVA: Tell her the bad news, no doubt. MCGEE: And one to La Grenouille. (READS) "Congratulations on a winning bid. Upon receipt of your funds, Title to the Santorini Villa at - he lists the GPS coordinates - will be transferred at midnight Tuesday. ZIVA: That's ten minutes from now. Same time zone as Israel. GIBBS: McGee, put that email up on the plasma. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) GIBBS: Those coordinates aren't Greece. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) MCGEE: It's Quebec! SHEPARD: We've got five hours! GIBBS: Aren't you forgetting something? SHEPARD: I'm not going to let a few miles of Canadian border stop me. GIBBS: That's not what I meant. The Frog is expecting to meet Harrow, and Charles Harrow is dead. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Aeroport de Sherbrooke, southeastern Quebec. It's thirty miles across the border from New Hampshire. That puts La Grenouille right in our backyard. GIBBS: Did I miss Quebec becoming the fifty-first state? SHEPARD: I'm not going to watch that b*st*rd fly away again, Jethro. GIBBS: Again? ZIVA: Why don't we snatch him when he lands, toss him in the back of the trunk, and drive over the border. MCGEE: That might work where you grew up, Ziva, not here. SHEPARD: Why not? TONY: Okay, I'm down with the border snatch. What do we charge him with? Bidding on a Greek villa? MCGEE: Tony's right. We've got nothing on Grenouille until he buys ARES. TONY: Since Harrow's dead, that can't happen. GIBBS: Does The Frog know that Harrow is dead? ZIVA: Probably not. MCGEE: And if he never met him... SHEPARD: All we need is a sixty-eight year old Englishman. DUCKY: (V.O.) Is it pronounced.... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY DUCKY: .... Harrow or Hairrow. ZIVA: Harrow, Ducky. Charles Andrew Harrow. MCGEE: Okay, Ducky, now pay attention. ARES... DUCKY: Are you certain? Because I was in medical school with an Ian Hairrow. He spelled it the same way. MCGEE: Ducky, please pay attention. I am trying to give you a crash course in one of the Navy's most complex weapons systems. DUCKY: Oh, sorry. ZIVA: You look dashing, Ducky. DUCKY: Yes, I used to wear a mustache in Singapore when I was attached -- MCGEE: ARES is an encryption-decryption system. That means that it's used to encode and decode information. In this case, GPS targeting information for the Navy's cruise missiles. ABBY: It operates by using the algorithm known as IDEA. It's the same algorithm used for all RSA Legacy keys generated by PGP. MCGEE: It uses a variable-length key, from thirty-two bits to four hundred and forty-eight bits. Questions so far? DUCKY: Are you sure it's not Hairrow?(SFX: ZIVA CHUCKLES) TONY: It's a ten hour drive to the Canadian border. We're going to have to go without a surveillance van. SHEPARD: I've got it covered. TONY: She's got it covered? How? GIBBS: Let's just say it's a favor you and I couldn't have called in. ABBY: I know it doesn't look like much, but inside is twenty million bucks worth of ARES. SHEPARD: Guard it with your life. ZIVA: Of course. (SFX: ZIVA STUMBLES) ZIVA: Ooh! (LAUGHS) I find a little levity at the start of a mission relaxing. MCGEE: Boss, we've got a problem. GIBBS: Just one, McGee? MCGEE: Grenouille is sure to have someone there to vet ARES. Now, if someone asks Ducky to explain something, his duck is cooked, no pun intended. GIBBS: Well, that's why you're going to be there with him, McGee. ABBY: Okay, just remember, Ducky... DUCKY: Charles. ABBY: What? DUCKY: My name is Charles Harrow. SHEPARD: Charles, you've got a plane to catch. DUCKY: Yes, and an arms dealer. Mind if I have the window seat? MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. AIRPORT - NIGHT TONY: (V.O.) Gulfstream Five. Registration, two-one-eight-echo. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Copy you, Archangel. TONY: They flew into Washington in a different G-Five when I tagged the luggage. ZIVA: Tagged their luggage? Oh, that's when Jenny had you... undercovers. TONY: Undercover. Not undercovers. MCGEE: Two-one-eight Echo is a... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - NIGHT MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) ...Sorbonne Air Charter out of Orly Sud. It's been refueled and flight filed. TOD - twenty-four hundred. GIBBS: Thirty-five minutes. This is your op, Director. SHEPARD: Bring Ducky online. MCGEE: Sound check, Ducky.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) Now I know why they call these wretched things.... (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) ...earwigs. SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Make the exchange, Doctor, and get out. (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) I don't want you caught in the middle of a firefight. DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) That's very considerate of you, Director. (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) And Ducky, thank you. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) It's a pleasure. (SFX: CAR ENGINE STARTS) DUCKY: Tally-ho. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - NIGHT SHEPARD: Six months of undercover work, and it all comes down to Ducky. WOMAN: (V.O./FILTERED/IN FRENCH) May I help you? DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED/IN FRENCH) Charles Harrow. La Grenouille is expecting me. WOMAN: (V.O./FILTERED/IN FRENCH) One moment, Mister Harrow. DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Well, that was easy. When this is over, you really should talk to somebody about security. SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) I'll take that (ON CAMERA) under advisement. DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Yes, a terrorist could hire a car and - wait a minute! QUINN: (ON MONITOR) Identification, please. SHEPARD: (V.O.) Martin Quinn. He flew in with La Grenouille's... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - NIGHT SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) ... advance party two months ago. QUINN: Open the trunk, please. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP - NIGHT ZIVA: And you wanted to hide in the boot. TONY: You didn't take me seriously, did you? ZIVA: (V.O./FILTERED) Huh. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC - NIGHT QUINN: With me. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR DRIVES TO THE GULFSTREAM) QUINN: All right, hold it there. KORT: Charles Harrow? DUCKY: You say that as if you're surprised to see me. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK MCGEE: Uh-oh. SHEPARD: (INTO RADIO) Archangel, Ducky might have been compromised. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP - NIGHT ZIVA: (INTO RADIO) Archangel has him covered. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC - NIGHT KORT: You have ARES? DUCKY: You have the twenty million? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK - NIGHT GIBBS: He's a natural. SHEPARD: Maybe, but he's making me nervous. KORT: (V.O./FILTERED) Regina! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK - NIGHT REGINE SMIDT: (ON MONITOR/FILTERED) Hello. DUCKY: (ON MONITOR/FILTERED) Ah, your hand -- [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Tell him to hand over the damn laptop, McGee. DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Ducky... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK - NIGHT MCGEE: (INTO RADIO)...give her the laptop. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC - NIGHT REGINE SMIDT: May I? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK REGINE SMIDT: (ON MONITOR/FILTERED) This is ARES? DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Never judge... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC DUCKY: ... a computer by its shell, my dear. REGINE SMIDT: Password? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Raven. REGINE SMIDT: (ON MONITOR/FILTERED) Satellite uplink? MCGEE: (INTO RADIO) Built into the circuit board. DUCKY: (ON MONITOR/FILTERED) It's built into the circuit board. MCGEE: (INTO RADIO) Follow the onscreen instructions to lock onto a satellite. DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED/OVERLAP) Follow the onscreen in-- [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC DUCKY: ... instructions to lock onto a satellite. REGINE SMIDT: Good. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK SHEPARD: Where's Grenouille? DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Aren't you going to invite... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC DUCKY: .... me in out of the cold, Monsieur Grenouille... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK KORT: (ON MONITOR) I would, but I'm not him.(SFX: CAMERA CLICK) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK SHEPARD: Finally. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROOFTOP GRENOUILLE: (V.O./FILTERED) I trust you'll forgive a rather... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC GRENOUILLE: ... operatic entrance, Mister Harrow, but... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK GRENOUILLE: (ON MONITOR/FILTERED) ... I love theater. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC DUCKY: (IN FRENCH) As do I. GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) What is your favorite opera? DUCKY: (IN FRENCH) My favorite opera is Cosi fan tutte. Of course. GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) I understand. DUCKY: (IN FRENCH) Yours? GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) La forza del Destino". So dark. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK GIBBS: (V.O.) Why do they have to speak French? MCGEE: Well, we are in Quebec, Boss. (INTO RADIO) Ducky, English... GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH/OVERLAP/V.O.) ... a melody formidable. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) ...please. DUCKY: Yes, well, uh... shall we step out of the wind? GRENOUILLE: Of course. Perhaps your car, huh? (ON MONITOR) Too much time with even the most beautiful woman ... (ON SCREEN) can be boring. DUCKY: I... I wouldn't know, Monsieur Grenouille. GRENOUILLE: Ah, my nom d'guerre is for rivals and enemies. I choose to believe you are neither... call me Ren e. DUCKY: Ducky. GRENOUILLE: Ducky? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK GRENOUILLE: (V.O./FILTERED) (LAUGHS) What an interesting nickname. DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Yes, it's an unfortunate one I picked up [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC DUCKY: ...as a lad during the Blitz. Please. GRENOUILLE: Ah, merci. (DUCKY AND GRENOUILLE CLIMB INTO THE CAR) KORT: (INTO PHONE) Just run the damn photo. (TO QUINN) Where are you going? QUINN: Man wants his private cognac. KORT: You see anything out there? QUINN: Are you kidding? Canadians are in bed by nine. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. RENTAL CAR - NIGHT (DOOR CLOSES) GRENOUILLE: Have you ever enjoyed a glass of L'Esprit de Courvoisier? DUCKY: The spirits of Courvoisier? No, I... (V.O./FILTERED) can't say I have. (DOOR OPENS) QUINN: Monsieur? GRENOUILLE: Ah. QUINN: (IN FRENCH) Voila. GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) Merci. QUINN: (IN FRENCH) You're welcome. (DOOR CLOSES) GRENOUILLE: This will be a beautiful way to consummate the transfer of the villa. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK GIBBS: Le Froggie is more careful than Gotti. SHEPARD: That's why he's never been caught. DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Oh, what a pleasure. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. RENTAL CAR GRENOUILLE: Do you have children, Ducky? DUCKY: Sadly, no. GRENOUILLE: One of life's great gifts. I have three. And two grandchildren now. A girl and a boy. Everything I do now is for them. I am provider and protector in equal part. Napoleon... Napoleon was the first to drink this cognac at his coronation in eighteen hundred and two. And since then, only the very best vintage has been added to that. Two hundred years of empires, revolutions, and war. DUCKY: History in a glass. (IN FRENCH)..... GRENOUILLE: (ON MONITOR) Salud. (INTERCUT SCENES) REGINE SMIDT: Kort? Something wrong? KORT: No. Is it worth twenty million in diamonds? REGINE SMIDT: More. The Iranian will give a hundred for it. KORT: Tell the pilots wheels up in five minutes. (SFX: JET ENGINES STARTING) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROOFTOP TONY: They're starting engines. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) This Courvoisier is astonishing. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. RENTAL CAR KORT: Regina approves. GRENOUILLE: Oh, excellent. (TO DUCKY) It's been a pleasure, Ducky. DUCKY: Yes, for me, too. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK SHEPARD: (INTO RADIO) Get... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. RENTAL CAR SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) ...the diamonds. DUCKY: Renee? Aren't you forgetting something? GRENOUILLE: Oh, my bottle of history is yours, my friend. Add to it well. DUCKY: I don't know what to say. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK ALL: Give me the diamonds! DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Oh, yes. Well, uh... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC DUCKY: Yes, I hate to be crass, but the diamonds? GRENOUILLE: (ON MONITOR) Yes, Kort has them. DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Ah, very well. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROOFTOP ZIVA: (INTO RADIO) Archangel awaiting instructions. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK GIBBS: This was to be a snatch, wasn't it? Or did you have something else in mind?(SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) Good bye. DUCKY: (IN FRENCH) Good bye. GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) See you soon. DUCKY: (IN FRENCH) See you soon. SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Director Shepard. ZIVA: (V.O.) About to lose target. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROOFTOP ZIVA: (INTO RADIO) Target will be lost in five seconds. TONY: (INTO RADIO) Archangel requesting instructions. ZIVA: (INTO RADIO) Director? SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) Stand down, Archangel! Stand down! (SFX: SHEPARD GASPS) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC KORT: (ON MONITOR/FILTERED) Tell me you got the call. DUCKY: What call? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK SHEPARD: Yes, I got (V.O.) the damn call! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC KORT: (V.O.) Your diamonds, (ON MONITOR) Doctor Mallard. (DOOR CLOSES) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ GULFSTREAM TAKES OFF) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK DUCKY: He knew my name! TONY: He's CIA. ZIVA: So was Harrow. MCGEE: It was a sting. GIBBS: We got stung. SHEPARD: No. We got screwed. DUCKY: One question. What do I do with these? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE GIBBS: Ah, how many are you keeping? SHEPARD: Did Ducky fix Harrow's time of death? GIBBS: Yeah. On the record, he will drop dead of a heart attack tomorrow. SHEPARD: Good. I wouldn't want Grenouille to discover he'd met a dead man. Harrow altered the ARES unit. Installed a Trojan horse. If the Iranians even try to use it, they'll be targeting their own defense systems. Quite a strategic advantage. GIBBS: I didn't need to know that. SHEPARD: Neither did I. But somebody thought they could trust me. I will get him, another time, another deal. I will be there, and I will get him. GIBBS: Are you sure you want to? SHEPARD: Of course I want to. GIBBS: Some people need to have someone to hate. SHEPARD: Not me. GIBBS: Then you should have let Ziva take the shot. (MUSIC UP AND OUT)

After catching an international arms dealer thanks to a Mossad tip, the NCIS team learns that the Navy's highly classified weapons system will be sold to "La Grenouille," an important arms dealer. To stop the transaction from happening, the team sends Ducky undercover. Meanwhile, another government agency appears to be working on the same case, with different plans.

fd_FRIENDS_07x12

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[Scene: The Building's Roof, the entire gang plus Tag are there to look for a comet. They're looking for a comet on a roof of a New York apartment building. Yeah, that's realistic. You might as well look for the moon on a bright sunny day.] Monica: (looking up) Ross, when's this comet thing start? Ross: Well, technically it started seven billion years ago... (Well, technically you'd be able to see it for days, well nights; that is if you could see it with all of the bright lights of New York.) All: (groaning) Oh no! Oh no! (They all start to get up and leave.) Ross: Okay! Okay! Fine, I'll stop! No teaching, okay? We'll just watch the pretty light streaking across the sky. (Comets don't streak across the sky, meteors do.) Okay? Who's official name is Bapstein-King. All: Okay! Okay! (They start to leave again.) Phoebe: (looking up) There it is! Oh, look at that! Isn't Mother Nature amazing? Chandler: (looking up with her) That's a plane! Phoebe: Well, all right. 1700 bags of peanuts flying that high, that's pretty amazing too. Tag: Hey, I wonder if you can see my apartment from up here. Rachel: No. No, you can't. Tag: What? Rachel: Oh I don't-I don't know. Ross: Man, look at all those stars! (Yeah, you can see what? Five of them from the city?) Infinite space. It really, really makes you wonder, doesn't it? Joey: (looking through his binoculars at a nearby building) Y'know what else makes you wonder? Ross: Huh? Joey: Check out the rack on this chick! (Turns around to point it out to Ross and finds that Ross is glaring at him. So he quickly puts his binoculars to his eyes and starts looking for the comet.) Opening Credits [Scene: The Roof, continued from earlier.] Monica: Okay, we've been out here for two hours and we haven't seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandler's getting chilly. (She walks over to where Chandler is bundled up in a big coat and shivering.) Chandler: (with a quivering voice) No, I'm not! Joey: Then why are you wearing Monica's jacket? Chandler: Because it's flattering! (Shivers harder) Come on Monica! Come on Monica! (He goes inside.) Rachel: Yeah actually, I think we're gonna take off too. We rented a movie. Phoebe: Oh! I won't say, 'no' to a movie! Rachel: Uh Pheebs, we just actually kinda wanted to be alone. Phoebe: Shh! Get me out of here. Rachel: Oh. (They leave, leaving just Joey and Ross.) Joey: (whispering) Ross! Ross: What? Joey: Come here, check this out! Ross: What? Is it the comet? (Runs over to where Joey's standing.) Joey: No! No-no. Look, there's a bug stuck in tar right here. (Bends down to get a closer look.) Ross: Joey come-I can't believe-I bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet, one of nature's most spectacular phenomenon, and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar and-and some woman! Joey: (standing up) Y'know, there's two women dude. Ross: Show me where? Joey: Right-right up here. (Starts looking at them through a piece of pipe.) Ross: (noticing the pipe and looking at the door) Joey where's the pipe that was holding the door open? Joey: (annoyed) I don't know! (Goes back to looking through the pipe.) (Pause) Yeah, I do. Ross: Joey! Joey: What?! All right-Hey! Don't look at me! You're the one who wanted to come up and look for some stupid Burger King comet! Ross: It's called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? (Joey starts to groan.) Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer! Joey: (covering his ears and yelling) Oh no! No! No! (He starts banging on the door.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Monica is sleeping and Chandler's sitting in bed, wide awake.] Chandler: (whispering) Monica! Monica: She's sleeping. Chandler: I know, just quick-quick question, quick question. Which one was Deep Impact and which one was Armageddon? Monica: Deep Impact was the one with Robert Duval, Armageddon is what's going to happen to you if you wake me up. Chandler: Sorry, I just...can't sleep. Ooh! (Turns on the light and Monica groans.) Where is that book that you are reading with the two women who were ice-skating and wearing, wearing those hats with the flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover I'm like...(Fake snores.) Monica: It is in the living room where there is also a light! And no one will kick you in the shin. Chandler: What?! (Monica kicks him in the shin.) Ow! (He gets out of bed and heads into the living room.) [Scene: Phoebe's apartment, there is a beeping noise coming from the living room and Phoebe sleepily goes to investigate.] Phoebe: (crossing her fingers and closing her eyes) Please don't be a space ship. Please don't be a space ship. (She turns on the light and looks around and finds that it's the smoke detector that's beeping.) Oh thank God! (She moves a chair over and starts to investigate how to make the beeping turn off, in frustration she yanks the thing off of the wall. She sets it down and heads for bed, just as she gets there it beeps again. She opens the cover and removes the battery, but it still beeps.) How could you be beeping?! I just disconnected you! I took out your battery! How can... Smoke Detector: Beep! Phoebe: Don't interrupt me!! [Scene: The Roof, Ross and Joey are banging on the door.] Ross: Rachel!! Monica!! Joey: Come on! (Ross gets fed up with Joey's banging and stops him by pulling him away from the door.) Ross: I can't believe this!! Joey: All right well, y'know...I guess we know what we have to do to get down. Ross: (standing at the edge of the roof) Yeah, I guess we don't have a choice. (Screaming to the street) Help us! Please help us! We're stuck up on the roof and we can't get down!!! Joey: Ross. I was thinking we could just go down the fire escape. (Points it out.) Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasn't finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But don't worry! We're gonna go down the fire escape!! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's kitchen, Chandler has a jug of milk in his hands and decides to make some warm milk. He opens up the cabinet to get a pot and manages to knock several other pots onto the floor making a lot of noise.] Chandler: Shhhhhhhhh!!! (Monica enters) I'm sorry, I thought maybe I'd make some warm milk and it would help me sleep. Monica: With a wok? (Chandler's holding a wok.) I thought you were going to read my boring book to put you asleep. Chandler: It got interesting! Damn you Oprah! Monica: Here, let me make the milk, I'm up anyway. Chandler: Hey, y'know what we can do? Y'know, now that we are up? We can just like talk to each other all night long, y'know like we did when we were first going out. It'd be fun! Monica: Okay that does sound like fun. Chandler: Okay, so how bummed were you when the second sister died huh? Monica: The second sister dies?! Chandler: (Pause) No. No, I-I was, I was talking about the book I was reading. Monica: The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest? Chandler: That's correct. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Tag are making out on the couch.] Rachel: You wanna go in the bedroom? It's a little more comfortable. Tag: Sure. Rachel: Okay. (They start to head for the bedroom) Oh wait! Umm, did you send those contracts to Milan? Tag: If this is your idea of sexy talk? (Shakes his head that it's not working.) Rachel: No seriously, y'know the contracts I gave you, did you overnight them? Tag: What contracts? Rachel: Okay please tell me that this is just one of your jokes that you do that I don't get. Tag: Like what? Rachel: Y'know, like the thing when you put the phone in your pants? (He starts laughing.) Tag! I'm serious! This isn't funny! Those contracts absolutely had to go out today! Tag: Rach, I'm sorry, but you didn't give me any contracts! Rachel: Yes I did! And I put a little Post-It on it that said, "Must go out today," and underlined today three times and, and then I put a little heart in the corner because I didn't want to seem too bossy. Tag: I'm telling you, you never gave them to me. Rachel: Y'know what Tag, if we went down to the office you would see those contracts sitting on your desk. Tag: No, I would see you looking embarrassed because they are not on my desk! Rachel: Or maybe you would see me looking embarrassed because you are talking on the phone with your crotch! Tag: You wanna go down to the office right now? Rachel: No! Come on its late, we're not gonna go down to the office. Tag: Okay I understand. (Sits down.) I wouldn't want to be proved wrong either. Rachel: Okay get your coat! (They get their coats and start to leave. Rachel suddenly stops and sticks her hand up the back of her shirt.) Oh! When did you unhook this? (Her bra.) Nice work! [Scene: The Fire Escape, Joey and Ross have reached the last landing. Joey is tugging on the ladder that extends to the ground, but it won't budge.] Joey: All right, it won't go down any further. It's stuck. Ross: Ugh. Well, we're just gonna have to jump. (Joey looks at him.) Yeah. Now, we're gonna have to make sure to land to the right of that patch of ice, okay? Not hit the dumpster on the other side and uh, and try to avoid that-that weird brownish red stuff in the middle. So, when you get down there...you go up to the roof and you let me in. Joey: Oh whoa-whoa wait a minute! I have to do it?! Ross: Yeah! Oh yeah, you'll be fine! It-it'll be uh, just like bungy jumping. Y'know? But instead of bouncing back up you-you won't. Joey: What if I smack my head on the concrete? Ross: Well, I'm not gonna lie to you Joey, it's a possibility. Joey: (looks at the ground and at Ross) I don't know Ross! I-I tell you what, let's flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right? Ross: Oh, all right. (Joey flips the coin.) Tails! (The coin bounces off of the landing above them and falls to the ground.) Can you-can you see what it is? Joey: No. Ross: Okay. Well, you be careful. Joey: What? No! No Ross! No-no! Stop! I'm not jumping! Okay, look I have an audition tomorrow and I can't go if I break my leg. Ross: Well I'm not jumping! I have a son! Okay? He won't have a father if-if I die! Joey: Well all right so, it looks like we're even! [Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe is still investigating the smoke detector trying to figure out how to stop the beeping.] Phoebe: Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. (She points at each as she says it.) Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do... (She picks up a shoe and proceeds to pummel the smoke detector. She then gets up and heads to bed, stops, quickly turns around, and is satisfied that the beeping has stopped.) Well done, Pheebs. (She resumes her trek to bed, but is stopped at the entrance to the hallway by the now steady and extremely loud tone emanating from the smoke detector.) (Yelling.) What do you want from me?!!!!!!! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Monica is entering with a mug.] Monica: Okay, here's your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.) Chandler: (startled) What? What? What? Monica: Ohh! Ohhhh! Were you sleeping sweetie? I'm sorry. Here. (Hands the mug of milk to him.) [Scene: Rachel's Outer Office, Tag and her are arriving.] Tag: Okay! Feel free to look, but I'm telling you those contracts are not on this desk. Rachel: Oh how can you possibly know? Look at this mess, Tag! I mean, this is what I'm talking about! You have to be organized! You've got newspapers! You've got magazines! You got-Ohh! (Finds a picture.) And who is this chippy? A little young for you Tag, but whatever. Tag: It's my sister. Rachel: Okay, very cute braces. Anyway y'know what, the point is Tag, start looking because you are going to find those contracts on your desk. (She goes into her office.) Tag: So when do you imagine you gave them to me? In the morning or in the afternoon? Rachel: In the afternoon. Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch. He put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-It on it (Looks down onto her desk and finds the folder with the Post-It on it that contains the contracts she imagined she gave Tag) that said, "Must go out today." So you just keep looking in there! All right? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Rachel's outer office, Tag has finished searching his desk and Rachel comes out to try to plant the folder on the desk.] Tag: It's not here. Rachel: Puzzler. A bit of a puzzle. Why don't you um, check the copy room, maybe you left the contracts in there? Tag: How could I have left them in the copy room? Rachel: I don't know Tag! How can your genitals make phone calls? Okay? It's not a perfect world! Just go please. Tag: Fine. Rachel: Thank you. (He leaves and she proceeds to plant the folder in his bottom drawer. She then picks up the phone and holds it to her breasts.) Hello? (Hangs up the phone.) I still don't get it. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Chandler has his eyes closed, while Monica is fully awake.] Monica: Are you still awake? Chandler: Yeah! You? Monica: You do know that was me who just said that right? (He doesn't respond and she turns on the light, waking him.) Hey. As long as we're both up... Chandler: (intrigued) Yeah? (Monica nods yes.) I hope you're not thinking about cleaning the living room. [Scene: The fire escape, Joey and Ross are still trying to figure out how to get down.] Joey: Man, I'm starving! What the hell was I thinking at dinner?! "Do you want soup or salad?" Both! Always order both! Ross: (looking in the window behind them) Y'know, y'know I'm lookin' and I don't think anyone's home here. I say we just break the window, crawl through, and-and y'know explain later. Joey: Yeah? Really? No one's home? Ross: I don't think so. Hello? (Knocks on the glass, which angers the big, large, angry dog behind the glass and causes them to jump to the other side of the landing.) When you get in there... (Joey nods his disapproval.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Phoebe's apartment building, in desperation she has wrapped up the smoke detector in a blanket and is going to throw it into the trash chute.] Phoebe: Okay, this is where you and I part ways. (She drops the blanket into the chute.) Noisy bitch! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Chandler is turning on the light to awaken a now sleeping Monica.] Monica: What?! What are you doing?! Chandler: Do you know what just happened? Monica: Yeah. We-we had s*x and then we fell asleep. Chandler: No. We were in the middle of s*x...and you fell asleep. Monica: Nooo! No, that's not true. No, best time ever! Yeah, you rocked my world! (She turns out the light to go back to sleep.) Chandler: (turning the light back on) Monica? Monica: What?! Chandler: I was giving you some of my best moves, and you missed it. So please wake up so we can do it right! Monica: Okay. Okay, I'm ready. Come on big fella! Chandler: Okay. Monica: Give me the good stuff. Chandler: Yeah! (Monica falls asleep) No! No! No! Don't fall asleep! Okay, I am going to make you some coffee. (Monica doesn't move as he gets out of bed and as he's heading for the door.) And I probably won't spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor. Monica: Okay, I'm up! I'm up! [Scene: Rachel's outer office, she's returning with two coffee cups in hand to find Tag sitting there.] Rachel: Hi! I got you some coffee. To, uh... (She looks for a place to set it on his messy desk and he clears a spot for her to set it down.) ...fair enough. So! Do you got anything for me? Tag: Still no luck. Rachel: Oh my God! Did you check your entire desk! Did you check all the drawers! Tag: Do you want me to check again? Rachel: Well yeah, I wish that you would. (He opens the top drawer.) Well, no it's not in there! (Closes it.) How about that drawer? (She points to the bottom one and he opens it. She doesn't see the folder she planted and bends over to check.) Tag: Well, it's not out here. Is there any chance it could be in your office? Rachel: (thinks) Y'know, I don't-I don't know. Let me, let me check. (As she heads for her office, she stops glances over her shoulder at Tag, looks into her office, and finds the folder on her desk.) Tag: (smirking) Any luck? Rachel: Can I see you in my office for a minute? Tag: (entering) Yeah? (She holds up the folder) You found them!! (Rachel is not amused, because she's still going to try to blame him for her mistake like every 'good' boss.) Y'know what? I'm not even going to gloat. I'm just really relieved this whole thing is over. Rachel: You put these on my desk! Tag: I did not! Rachel: Oh really? So you're saying they just slid out of your bottom drawer, crawled across the floor, then jumped on to my desk?! (I think Dogbert should have a line here.) Tag: How did you know they were in my bottom drawer? Rachel: (pause as she realizes her lame attempt to shift the blame has failed) I am so hot for you right now. [Scene: Phoebe's apartment, there is someone pounding on the door and Phoebe sleepily walks over and answers it. As she nears the door, the pounding stops and she can hear the smoke detector's wail.] Phoebe: Oh my God! How did you get back here?! A Disembodied Voice: (yelling through the door) Phoebe Buffay?! Phoebe: (scared) Fire alarm? (She opens the door to reveal a fireman holding the blanket with the smoke detector.) Oh! Hi, officer-fireman, can-can I help you? The Fireman: We found your fire alarm in the trash chute. Phoebe: That's not mine. The Fireman: Yes it is. Phoebe: How do you know? The Fireman: The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in a trash chute, don't wrap it in a blanket that says, "Property of Phoebe Buffay not Monica." Phoebe: Okay do you-Okay, do you have a search warrant? Because the last time I checked this was still America! The Fireman: Please reattach this, it's against the law to disconnect them. Phoebe: Fine! (She takes the blanket.) But please God; tell me how to stop them from going off! The Fireman: There's a reset button under the plastic cover. Phoebe: There's a reset button?! Ugh, thank you! Thank you! (He exits and she goes to shut it off.) There's a reset button! My God! Why didn't I see that! (She takes off the plastic cover and looks for the button.) Reset button, reset button, where is there a reset button? (Finds it.) Oh here it is! (Picks it up off of the floor.) Oh! (She presses it hard, but of course it would help if the button was still attached to the detector. In frustration she presses it so hard it causes pain in her thumb.) Ohh, God! [Scene: The fire escape, Joey is now hanging off of the bottom rung of the ladder that won't move and Ross is watching from above.] Ross: Okay, do-do you have a good grip? Joey: Yeah! Ross: Okay, I'm going to start climb down you now. Joey: All right! Just hurry up! Ross: Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so we're face to face or-or should I climb down your back so we're-we're butt to face. Joey: I think face to face. Ross: I would say that. Joey: Face to face, yeah! Ross: Okay, here I go. Joey: All right. (Ross steps onto the bottom rung of the ladder and then steps on Joey's chest.) Joey: (grunting) Oh my... How much do you weigh Ross?! Ross: I prefer not to answer that right now, I'm still carrying a little holiday weight. (Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joey's torso, but that doesn't work very well and he's forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Ross's crotch.) Joey: Y'know, when we talked about face to face, I don't think we thought it all the way through. Ross: So what do you want me to do? Joey: Well, just shimmy down me and drop! (Ross continues his trek south, and when they get face to face.) Ross: Hi. Joey: Hi. Ross: (looking down) M-maybe I should hang and you can climb down me. Joey: (angrily) Yeah? Maybe we should talk about that for a little while! Ross: It's still looks pretty far! Joey: It's not that far! Just drop! Ross: Do not rush me!! (Ross continues south and his now wrapped around Joey's legs.) Joey: Ross, you should know that my pants are startin' to come down and I'm not wearing any underwear! (Ross panics and falls off, dropping to the ground with a huge crash.) Ross: Oww!! My ankle! I really hurt my ankle! I think I twisted it when I-Ooh, a quarter! Ending Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, they're cuddling.] Monica: That really was some of your best work. Chandler: Hm-hmm, I told you! (Looks at the clock) I can't believe that I've only got two hours before I call in sick for work. Monica: I have to be up in seven minutes. Chandler: Well, you're not gonna believe this, but if you have seven minutes... Monica: Really?! Chandler: Do you wanna? Monica: Okay! You get the vacuum cleaner and I'll get the furniture polish! (She runs off leaving a stunned Chandler behind.)

Everyone is awake for the entire night after the friends try to see a comet from the rooftop. After, Monica and Chandler are later unable to sleep. Rachel and Tag go to the office to search for a business file that Rachel claims Tag misplaced. Joey and Ross try to escape the roof after getting stuck there. Phoebe's smoke detector goes off and will not stop beeping, leading to a run-in with a firefighter.

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Scene: The stairwell. Leonard: You feel like trying something new for dinner? Maybe Indian, Tex-Mex? Sheldon: You ever wonder how humans would be different if they evolved from lizards instead of mammals? Leonard: Okay, let's talk about that. Sheldon: As you know, lizards, cold-blooded animals, lack the ability to sense temperature. But they do move more sluggishly when it's cold. So, lizard weathermen would say things like, bring a sweater, it's slow outside. I love my mind. Leonard: We all do. Now, how about dinner? Sheldon: Oh, I would assume we'd enjoy insects or smaller lizards. We could also pull each other's tails off and grill them, they'll just grow back. Oh! My life-size cardboard Mr. Spock is here! I know he wouldn't care for an outburst of human emotion, but, oh goodie, oh goodie, oh goodie. Commander Spock requesting permission to be unfolded. Leonard (seeing Penny's door open and the girls inside): Excuse me. Sheldon: Permission granted, Commander. Amy: Which is why the more intelligent the monkey, the more faeces they fling. Leonard: Excuse me, Amy. Penny, do you have plans for dinner tonight? Penny: Why, you guys going somewhere? Leonard: No, I mean just you and me. Penny: You mean, like a date? Leonard: Not like a date, a date. Amy: Ooh! Bernadette: Ooh! Penny: Um, o-okay. Sure. Amy: Ooh! Bernadette: Ooh! Sheldon: Oh, no! They sent the wrong Spock! Live long and suck it, Zachary Quinto. Credits sequence. Scene: Penny's bedroom. Bernadette: This is so exciting. If Leonard and Penny get back together, Howard and I can go on double dates with them. Amy: How come you never invite Sheldon and me on a double date? Bernadette: Mm, uh... How's it going in there, Penny? Penny: Just a sec. (Emerges in revealing slinky green dress) Too much? Bernadette: Yes. Amy: No. Penny: Okay, just hang on. Amy: You just can't handle her raw sexuality, can you? Bernadette: When did you and Leonard break up? Penny: Uh, about two years ago. Bernadette: Why do you think he asked you out again? Penny: I don't know. Amy: Maybe he's dying. That would be so romantic. Penny: He's not dying. Amy: Too bad. If he were, she could just throw him in bed and ride him right up until he flatlines. Penny: How about this? Bernadette: Maybe. Amy: Come on. Penny: Yeah, okay, no. Bernadette: Do you think you'll sleep with him tonight? Penny: Absolutely not. Look, we're just gonna have dinner and, you know, see how it goes. Amy: If he were dying, would you sleep with him? Penny: What? Amy: Assuming he were dying of something that couldn't be sexually transmitted. You know, like a spear wound to the head. Penny: Okay, he is not dying. Amy: How do you know? Are you a doctor? Bernadette: You can make-believe, though. Sometimes Howard and I pretend that his arrhythmia is acting up and I'm a sexy cardiologist. And the naughty part is I'm not in his HMO network. Penny: Screw it. I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this. It's just dinner. Amy: With a dead man. Penny: Amy, stop it. Oh, God, I'm so nervous. Bernadette: Relax. You know Leonard's always been crazy about you. It's gonna be great. Penny: I know, but we've finally gotten to a place where we can hang out without it being weird. And what if something goes wrong? Then what? Amy: Guess it'll just be Sheldon and me going on a double date with Howard and Bernadette. Bernadette: Sure, we'd love that. Change your clothes, we got a lot riding on this. Scene: The apartment. The guys are playing a board game. Sheldon: Mm. I want to build a road, but I need wood. Do either of you fellows have wood? (Raj and Howard snigger) I don't understand the laughter. The object of Settlers of Catan is to build roads and settlements. To do so requires wood. Now, I have sheep; I need wood. Who has wood for my sheep? Leonard: Okay, how do I look? Howard: Well, more to the point, why are you doing this? Leonard: What are you talking about? Raj: Did you forget what Penny did to you? It took you two years and defiling my sister to turn that frown upside down. Leonard: I didn't defile your sister, we had a relationship. Raj: I heard you call her Brown Sugar. In my book, that's defilement. Sheldon: You want to know my opinion? Leonard: Oh, boy, do I? Sheldon: Sarcasm? Howard: No. Sheldon: All right, then. The reason you're fixated on a good-natured simpleton like Penny is that she's the exact opposite of your first romantic attachment, your brilliant yet intimidating mother. Leonard: Where on earth did you get that from? Sheldon: It's in her book, Needy Baby, Greedy Baby. Leonard: That doesn't make it true. Sheldon: It's called non-fiction for a reason, Leonard. Leonard: See you later. Raj: If they ever make a movie version of that book, you know who should play Leonard's mother? Sandra Bullock. Howard: Why? Raj: Because she's great in everything. Sheldon: Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Does anyone have any wood? Oh, come on! I just want wood. Why are you making it so hard? Scene: A restaurant. Leonard: So, do they have a name for a first date with someone you used to go out with? Penny: Oh, that's a good question. How about awkward? Leonard: Yeah, that sounds right. Penny: Yeah? Leonard: Hey, how about if we pretend we're actually on a first date? See how that goes. Penny: Okay. Leonard: So, Polly, tell me about yourself. Penny: It's Penny. Leonard: Oh, sorry, yeah. Awkward. Penny: Okay, uh, let's see. I'm from Nebraska, and ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of moving to L.A. and becoming a movie star. Anyway, after four years of acting lessons and waiting tables, I've done a haemorrhoid commercial and a production of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. So, you know, dreams do come true. Your turn. Leonard: Uh, let's see. Uh, I am an experimental physicist at Cal-Tech, most of my research is with high-powered lasers, and, oh, I've just gotten a big government grant to see if they can be used to knock out incoming ballistic missiles. Penny: Wow. Can they? Leonard: Oh, God, no. The money's pretty good. And I used the equipment to make my own Bat-signal. Penny: Bat-signal? What are you, some kind of nerd? Leonard: Not some kind of nerd, I am the king of the nerds. Penny: What does that mean? Leonard: Uh, it means if anyone displeases me, I don't help them set up their printer. Penny: You are so funny. Leonard: Good. Remember that when I take my shirt off. Penny: Leonard, this is nice. I'm so glad we did this. Leonard: Me, too. So what do you think? Are we gonna get back together? Penny: Whoa. Not so fast. Leonard: I'm sorry, what did I say? Penny: Leonard, you know I will always have feelings for you. Leonard: Oh, God. Penny: What? Leonard: You said always. You'll always have feelings for me. Penny: So? Leonard: So, that sounds more like something you'd say if you didn't want a relationship with someone. This isn't working out, but I'll always have feelings for you. I'm sorry I slept with your best friend, but I'll always have feelings for you. Here's the thing, Lisa, I'm into dudes now, but I'll always have feelings for you. Penny: How would you say it? Leonard: I have feelings for you. Penny: It's the same thing. Leonard: No, it's not. Always made it worse. Penny: You're overthinking this. Leonard: No, I'm not. Penny: Yes, you are. You always overthink things. Leonard: Ah now th-th-there you go. Always made it worse. Penny: See, this is where everything goes wrong, when we talk. Leonard: Well, I don't know how you have a relationship without talking. Penny: Hey, I went out with this guy TJ for eight months, we never talked. To this day, I don't even know what TJ stands for. Leonard: Wait, if you guys didn't talk, what did you... never mind, stupid question. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: And now that I have some wood, I'm going to begin the erection of my settlement. Raj: He's got to be doing this on purpose. Howard (as Leonard enters): Ooh, eight thirty. You and Penny decide to go out and paint the town beige? Leonard: You're thirty years old and you live with your mother. Raj: I guess it didn't go well. Sheldon: We don't know that. Not to a certainty. All we know is that Leonard is home. Howard (as Leonard groans loudly in his room): How about now? Sheldon: Again, not enough evidence. For all we know, he's being murdered. Now, back to our game. Raj: You were in the middle of an erection. Sheldon: Oh, of course. It's right here in my hand. Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Leonard's phone text signal sounds. Leonard: What does she want from me now? (Goes to front door, where Penny is waiting) What's up? Penny: Do not overthink this. (Kisses him, then leads him to her apartment.) Leonard: I don't understand. Penny: Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup. Leonard: Okay, but earlier it seemed like... Penny: No talking. Leonard: Even during? 'Cause sometimes I have questions. Scene: Penny's bedroom. They are in bed. Penny: Well, that was fun. Leonard: Yeah, except for when I got the foot cramp. Penny: You hung in there, though. Leonard: Well, there was a lot at stake. Penny: So what do you want to do now? Leonard: Well, I want to go get my asthma inhaler, but it might ruin the moment. Just, just help me out here. How does a miserable date end in s*x? Penny: I don't know, it's complicated. Leonard: Well, I'm a pretty smart guy, and right now my brain has dibs on the blood supply, so give it a go. Penny: Okay, it's just, at the restaurant when you said you wanted us to be together again, it got very real very fast and I panicked. Leonard: Why? What are you afraid of? Penny: Well, what if we do go out and I do something stupid and dump you again? Leonard: What if I dump you? Penny: Come on, be serious. Leonard: Well, how about if we don't think about this as a relationship? It could be more like a new version of software. Penny and Leonard 2.0. We can test it internally, shake out the bugs, and if we both feel it's solid, then we'll roll it out to the public. Penny: So we don't tell people we're back together? Leonard: Exactly. We pretend like our date went badly. Penny: Well, we don't really have to pretend. Leonard: And we let them think that we decided to just be friends and that everything's cool. Penny: Okay, great. Hey, I just remembered. I still got one of your inhalers. Leonard: I can't believe you kept this. Penny: Yeah, I was gonna throw it away, but I just couldn't. Leonard: That is so sweet. In 25 to 30 minutes I'm gonna show you how much this means to me. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Leonard is sneaking back in. Sheldon: Leonard? Leonard: Yeah, hi, hi. How's it going? Sheldon: Uh, can't complain. Thanks for asking. Well, what were you doing out at three o'clock in the morning? Leonard: Well, uh, uh, what are you doing up? Sheldon: I was using the bathroom. Leonard: Yeah, well, so was I. Sheldon: Really? I didn't see you in there. Leonard: Obviously, when I saw that you were in ours, I went and used another one. Sheldon: Where? Leonard: The, the gas station across the street. Sheldon: In your pyjamas? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Without shoes? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: On a cold winter's night? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Seems unlikely. Did you bring your asthma inhaler? Leonard: Uh, uh, uh, yes, I did. Sheldon: Well, then, I guess it's plausible. Hang on a second, mister. Leonard: What? Sheldon: After you used the facilities at the gas station, did you make a purchase? Leonard: What? Sheldon: It's customary, when using the rest room at a retail establishment, to make a small purchase. Did you? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Here's two dollars. Go buy some beef jerky. Leonard: I don't want beef jerky. Sheldon: It's not about you. It's about a poor immigrant from Pakistan trying to make his way in America by working the graveyard shift at the Colorado Boulevard Chevron. Leonard: Fine. Sheldon: Needy Baby, Greedy Baby indeed. Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Sheldon: Leonard will be here in a moment. He's looking for a different parking space. Howard: Why? Sheldon: We were next to a car with an ask me about my grandchildren bumper sticker, and I was afraid if we ran into them on the way out, I'd be obligated to do so. Bernadette: I'm so disappointed it didn't work with him and Penny. Amy: Me, too. Out of deference to them, let's not flaunt our happy relationship. Sheldon: You have a keen insight into the human heart, Amy Farrah Fowler. Leonard: We are next to a Suburu with a Gore/Lieberman bumper sticker. Sheldon: Well, I doubt they'd want to talk about that, so we're fine. Howard: I'm surprised to see you here after it went so badly with Penny. Leonard: Well, hey, we're grown-ups. We can still be friends. Bernadette: Boy, I don't know if I could be friends with Howie if we broke up. Howard: Why not? Bernadette: I'm a very vengeful person. Howard: Really? Bernadette: With access to weaponised smallpox. Penny: Here you go, guys, let me get you going with some water. You need menus or you know what you want? Howard: Leonard knows what he wants, but it looks like he's not gonna get it from you. Bernadette: Howard. Penny: No, that's okay, Bernadette. Sometimes these things just don't work out. Leonard: Yeah, it's all good. We-We'll always have feelings for each other. Bernadette: Oh, that's nice. Leonard: See, she knew what always meant. Penny: Wow, you're like a dog with a bone, aren't you? Leonard: I'm just making a point. Penny: Is the point that you don't know when to let something go? Sheldon: People, people, please, before you say something you both regret, I'd like to place my order. Penny: Yeah, just hang on, Sheldon. You know why we can't be together? Because you always have to be right. Leonard: Oh, that is not true. Sheldon: I've got to go with Leonard on this. He is wrong more than anyone I know. Penny: You know what? I just realized I'm on a break. I'll get someone else. Leonard: Well... Sheldon: Leonard, promise me that when our new waitress comes over, you will not start a complicated on-again, off-again relationship with her, because I am very, very hungry. Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Text signal. Leonard: Unbelievable. (Goes to door) Penny: Mind explaining to me why you were being such a jerk at the restaurant? Leonard: Well, I was trying to act like we weren't seeing each other. That was the plan, right? Penny: No, the plan was to tell people we decided to stay friends. That's a little hard to do when you're always being such a tool bag. Leonard: You know what? I don't have to stand here and take this crap. (Goes to Penny's apartment.) Penny: The hell do you think you're going? Leonard: Isn't s*x after fighting kind of what we do now? Penny: Yeah, kind of, yeah. Scene: Penny's bedroom. Leonard: What are we doing? Penny: What do you mean? Leonard: Every scenario I play out for you and me ends badly. Penny: That's because you overthink everything. Sheldon's voice: Leonard, are you listening to me? (Leonard is in the hallway with Sheldon. It is the opening scene, and Sheldon has just found his cardboard Spock.) Leonard: What? Yeah. Sheldon: This is a disaster. I distinctly ordered the Leonard Nimoy Mr. Spock cardboard standee. Why would I feel safer with Zachary Quinto at the foot of my bed? Leonard: I don't know, he was pretty badass on Heroes. Sheldon: You're right, I'll give him a shot. Leonard: Hang on. Penny, do you have plans for dinner? Penny: Why, you guys going somewhere? Leonard: No, I mean just you and me. Amy: Ooh! Bernadette: Ooh! Penny: Uh, have you thought this through? Leonard: Yes, and I think we should go anyway. Sheldon: No, can't do it. Sorry, Quinto, you're going back. Scene: Penny's bedroom. Amy: If you and Leonard get back together, Sheldon and I will finally have someone to go on double dates with. Bernadette: What about me and Howard? Amy: Fine, we can double with you, too. So insecure. Bernadette: Where are you guys going to eat? Amy: Penny? (In her imagination, Penny is transported to her wedding day.) Minister: Do you, Penny, take Leonard to be your lawful wedded husband? Penny (turning, heavily pregnant): Well, it's a little late for me to start saying no, isn't it? (Back in the bedroom) Amy: Penny? Penny: Sorry, just remembered I've got to stop by the drugstore.

When Leonard and Sheldon arrive home Leonard sees Penny through her open door and asks her out, who after initial hesitation, accepts. Their date progresses smoothly until he asks her whether they will get back together. They get into a big argument, following which Leonard returns home in a huff. Later that night, Penny calls Leonard and asks him to come out of his apartment. As he does this, Penny kisses him full on the mouth and they end up having sex in her apartment. After this, they decide to pursue their relationship once again, but also decide to take things slow and pretend they are still single. Leonard finds it difficult to keep the relationship secret; when he returns to his apartment at 3 am, he is forced to lie to Sheldon (who saw him entering the apartment); the next night at the Cheesecake factory, he overplays his fake annoyance over Penny, following which the duo again engage in a heated argument. But later that night, they again have sex. After this, he asks her what they are doing, since every scenario that he plays out about them ends badly, to which she responds that it is because he over-thinks things. It is then revealed that Leonard daydreamed the entire episode. He is still outside his apartment with Sheldon. Realizing he does over-think things, he goes over to Penny's apartment and asks her out. After initial hesitation, she accepts. The episode ends with Penny preparing for her date. She imagines a scene where she marries Leonard, but is heavily pregnant, prompting her to decide to go to the drug store before the date.

fd_NCIS_03x10

fd_NCIS_03x10_0

MUSIC IN: INT. HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT ZIVA: You sold your sperm? TONY: Stop looking at me like that. I was a freshman in college. ZIVA: There are little teenage DiNozzos running around somewhere? Oh, that's frightening. TONY: I never thought about it 'till this morning. I got a registered letter from a sperm bank telling me to contact them as soon as possible. ZIVA: Why? TONY: I don't know. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) We're moving, DiNozzo. TONY: (INTO MIC) Coming out. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STAIRS - DAY GIBBS: (INTO MIC) We're on our way down. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Roger, Boss. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - DAY MCGEE: (INTO MIC) The car's ready. GIBBS: (V.O.) Check the exit. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) On it. (ON CAMERA) They're coming down! GUARD: (V.O.) Yes, Sir! (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ALL WALK TOWARD THE GARAGE) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT RYAN: (V.O.) You're making a mistake. PASSENGER: You made a mistake!(SFX: MEN ARGUE B.G.) MCGEE: (INTO MIC) Boss, hold on one second. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - NIGHT GIBBS: (INTO MIC) What do you got, McGee? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT MCGEE: (INTO MIC) I'm not sure.(SFX: MEN ARGUE B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - NIGHT GIBBS: (INTO MIC) Talk to me, McGee. (SFX: GUNFIRE B.G.) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Go! Go! Go! Get him out of here! Through the front entrance! Go! Go! Go! Go! (SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE TURNS OVER THE BODY) (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/ SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT DUCKY: You find a weapon? GIBBS: Nope. DUCKY: We're done. Let's bag him and tag him, Mister Palmer. JIMMY: Yes, Sir. DUCKY: Do you think Mister Ryan was connected in any way to the death threat on the Chief of Naval Operations? GIBBS: Gonna find out. It came from a human rights group protesting Marine abuse of prisoners at Gitmo. DUCKY: It's ironic, isn't it? A human rights group threatening to kill? GIBBS: Yeah, it's no different than a right-to-lifer bombing a family planning clinic, Duck. DUCKY: Yes, we live in interesting times, Jethro. GIBBS: You think, Duck? TONY: Way to go, Probie! Three shots, three hits. I guess my instruction on the range paid off, huh? MCGEE: Tony, I killed somebody, okay? (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SHOOTING SCENES) GIBBS: What about the CNO? ZIVA: Secured at home. TONY: Doubled his security detail. MCGEE: Did you find his weapon? GIBBS: No. MCGEE: It's got to be here. I identified myself as a Federal officer. He fired at me. I returned fire. The SUV drove off. His weapon has got to be here. GIBBS: The SUV, McGee. Did you get the color? Number? Make? MCGEE: Dark blue or black. Virginia plate. First two numbers eight nine. I don't know the model. GIBBS: Ziva, get out a BOLO. ZIVA: On just that? (BEAT) Right. BOLO. GIBBS: Hang on. Hey, I want to know everything about this guy. McGee, go back to where you fired from. DiNozzo! (LOUDLY) Show me, McGee! MCGEE: Federal Officer! Drop your weapon! GIBBS: Got it? TONY: Got it. (TO MCGEE) Don't worry, McGee. I'll find the slug. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY ABBY: This guy's a mess. DUCKY: Yeah, you don't know the half of it. His lungs were completely blackened from what I would guess is a two-pack-a-day habit. His coronary arteries were almost completely blocked. And his liver shows definite sign of abuse. ABBY: This little sluggy's in good shape. DUCKY: I took that out of his thigh. Didn't impact any bone. It imbedded itself in the adductor longus. ABBY: Ooh. This one's all banged up. DUCKY: Yeah, left shoulder. It entered the deltopectoral triangle, smashed the fourth rib and ended up in the upper lobe of his left lung. Both of those were non-lethal. That one, however, caused massive damage. Abigail... ABBY: Ducky. DUCKY: You know, there was a time when you wouldn't set foot in Autopsy. ABBY: Look how far I've come. DUCKY: Regrettably for the moment. Look, back off. ABBY: I think I'm ready for the next big step. DUCKY: And what's that? ABBY: Assisting in an autopsy. JIMMY: Oh, yeah, right! DUCKY: Actually, Mister Palmer, a medical degree is not required even to be a coroner. Abby has an exceptional analytical mind. She's a quick study. I think you'll do very well. Put it on. Your first lesson, lesson number one. The third bullet removed what was left of the fourth rib, smashing the costal cartilage, took a piece out of the left atrium, and lodged itself against the costal surface of the scapula. ABBY: It's amazing how much damage one bullet can do. DUCKY: Definitely the kill shot. JIMMY: Um... DUCKY: Something wrong? (BEAT) I'm sorry, McGee. That wasn't meant for your ears. MCGEE: Not a problem, Ducky. I was hoping when I woke up this morning it was all a nightmare. ABBY: Somebody needs a hug. MCGEE: I was trained for last night, but... DUCKY: Well, shooting a human cutout is not quite the same, Timothy. No one is prepared for their first kill. MCGEE: Abby, I'm going to need you to run his prints. The driver's license was phony. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: The only Andrew Aidan Ryan I could find is three years old and lives in Los Angeles. The address, if it existed, would be in the middle of the Potomac. GIBBS: Run his prints. ZIVA: Why didn't we think of that, Tony? TONY: Abby's working on it. FBI's identified three radical groups protesting prisoner abuse at Gitmo, Boss. GIBBS: Catch anything with the BOLO, Officer David? ZIVA: We did. Six hundred thousand SUVs. TONY: That are registered in Virginia. GIBBS: Yeah, so? TONY: So we're going to check them against radical groups. (SFX: TONY WHISPERS TO ZIVA) GIBBS: Is something bothering you, Tony? TONY: Ah... ZIVA: He doesn't want to say what we're all thinking. TONY: Spit it out. ZIVA: McGee says he was shot at, but we can't seem to find the slug, shell casing or a weapon.(PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. SUMNER: (V.O./FILTERED) Sir, the Director would like to see you in her office. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Be right up. (HANGS UP PHONE -TO ZIVA) McGee isn't your father and he isn't Ari. He doesn't know how to lie. TONY: What'd he say? ZIVA: Let's go back to work. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY SUMNER: Go right in, Special Agent Gibbs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY SHEPARD: Shut the door, Jethro. (DOOR CLOSES) SHEPARD: I'm flashing back to Paris in ninety nine. (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE) SHEPARD: Not what you're thinking. GIBBS: No? Then what? SHEPARD: I remember you covering for another agent.... Who messed up. GIBBS: What agent was that? SHEPARD: You know damn well what agent! GIBBS: Oh, you mean the time you shot that guy. SHEPARD: Did McGee blow it? GIBBS: McGee is a probie. Probies make mistakes. Having said that, no, I don't think he did. SHEPARD: Where's the gun? The slug that was fired... GIBBS: I don't know, but I will find out. SHEPARD: The CNO's aide called me at seven a.m. this morning. Admiral Chapman wants to know what's going on. He asked me... what are you thinking about? GIBBS: Paris. SHEPARD: Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro. Let's get some answers. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY RECORDED VOICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line. We'll be with you in a moment. ZIVA: You've been holding for fifteen minutes. It must be important. TONY: Yep. ZIVA: Sperm bank? TONY: Yeah. ZIVA: Why'd you do it? You didn't need the money. TONY: It was easier than giving blood. ZIVA: You enjoy making those deposits. (CHUCKLES) Was there a penalty for early withdrawal? TONY: (CHUCKLES) You're a sick chick, David. WOMAN: (V.O./FILTERED) Thank you for holding. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hi, there. I received a certified letter requesting I call. (BEAT) Thanks Agent Vandalay. You are the man! I owe you one. GIBBS: Doing anything useful, DiNozzo? TONY: Of the six hundred and twenty one thousand eight hundred SUVs registered in Virginia, approximately a hundred and twenty seven thousand of them are dark-colored. Vanity plates aside, one in every hundred begins with the numbers eight nine. That's over twelve hundred vehicles. ZIVA: We're running the registered owners against the names on the list of protesters. It's going to take a while. GIBBS: What's wrong? ABBY: I ran the fingerprint through AFIS. The victim's real name is John Benedict. GIBBS: Has he got a record? MCGEE: He was a Metro detective. He was working undercover. I killed a cop, Boss. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY SUMNER: Can I get you two anything? GIBBS: No, thanks. (SFX: PHONE BEEP TONE) SUMNER: (INTO PHONE) Yes, Ma'am. I'll send them in. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY SHEPARD: Special Agent Gibbs and McGee, this is Metro Police Captain Dan Karzin and Sergeant Keith Archer, the dead officer's partner. MCGEE: I'm sorry about-- KARZIN: Director Shepard already gave us the official NCIS condolences, Special Agent McGee. We're here to find out what happened. SHEPARD: Please sit. GIBBS: I'd like to ask Sergeant Archer some questions. Do you know why your partner was behind the hotel last night? ARCHER: No. We were off duty. GIBBS: When did you last see him? ARCHER: Yesterday about noon. KARZIN: They were working undercover Narcotics. Just got off a thirty six hour shift. I read your report. I've got some questions. You say you identified yourself? MCGEE: Yes, Sir. KARZIN: Loud enough to be heard? MCGEE: Definitely. KARZIN: And you contend that Lieutenant Benedict then turned and fired at you. MCGEE: Yes, Sir. KARZIN: So why can't you find a bullet or a weapon? GIBBS: We can't answer that yet. ARCHER: Yeah, I can. Bennie wasn't carrying one. KARZIN: Are you sure it happened like that, son? (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENES) MCGEE: It happened the way that I reported it, Captain. KARZIN: Because I knew Lieutenant John Benedict maybe twenty years. He was a highly decorated officer. A great cop. And if Agent McGee had properly identified himself the way that he claims, there's no way that Bennie would have acted threateningly. GIBBS: Evidently he did. KARZIN: I don't believe it. SHEPARD: Special Agent McGee, why don't you return to the squad room? We'll call you if we need you. MCGEE: I'm really sorry. (MCGEE WALKS O.S.) KARZIN: With all due respect, Director Shepard, I think we all know what happened here. Nobody else saw another vehicle in the alley. A nervous rookie panicked. Fired prematurely. Killed a veteran cop. GIBBS: McGee's young, but he's a damn good agent. Are you sure your partner wasn't carrying a weapon last night? ARCHER: It would have blown his cover on the case that we were working. GIBBS: You said he was off duty just like you are right now. ARCHER: Yeah. GIBBS: You're carrying.... in the small of your back. Your partner's liver said he drank a lot. KARZIN: Oh, go to hell. SHEPARD: Gentlemen... KARZIN: I'm not going to stand for a cover-up. SHEPARD: And neither am I, Captain! I shared our preliminary report and you'll have full access to our findings. KARZIN: I'm going to conduct my own investigation. SHEPARD: That is your prerogative. KARZIN: And I want to interrogate McGee. GIBBS: That's not going to happen! SHEPARD: I'll handle this, Special Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: McGee has made his statement. That's not going to change. SHEPARD: Thank you for coming. You'll have NCIS's full cooperation. KARZIN: Do I get to question Agent McGee? SHEPARD: Yes. But not today. (KARZIN AND ARCHER WALK O.S.) (DOOR CLOSES) SHEPARD: Before you jump down my throat, you think about what you would do if that cop shot McGee and McGee didn't have a weapon! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: DiNozzo, look at this. I've got a possible. Robert Gershon. Thirty two year old white male. Lives in Alexandria. Drives a two thousand three dark blue Ford Expedition. First two digits of license plate.... eight nine. TONY: McGee, was the SUV as big as an Expedition? MCGEE: Uh, maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure. ZIVA: This guy belongs to a protest group called "CACA." TONY: You're making that up. ZIVA: "Citizens Against Criminal Abuse." He was arrested last May for defacing the main entrance of the Pentagon with horse manure. TONY: Call me crazy, but a guy that belongs to a group called CACA, and smears horse pucky on a government building, doesn't make death threats. GIBBS: DiNozzo! David! Get back in that alley. Find that damn bullet! Do it now! TONY: Boss, we spent hours. We covered every inch of where McGee was standing when he... we'll maybe find something in daylight. ZIVA: We're working the protester angle. GIBBS: GIBBS: I don't think that cop being there had anything to do with the threat against that CNO. Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on here?! (CONT.) First, Abby's lab nerd frames DiNozzo for murder, and then McGee kills a cop! Did somebody break a mirror? MCGEE: Boss, can I go with Tony and Ziva? An extra set of eyes might help. GIBBS: No! Metro P.D. is out to get you. You find the bullet, it's compromised evidence. Hey, DiNozzo! While you're there, see if anyone saw Benedict in the area last night. TONY: (V.O.) Got it. MCGEE: What should I do? GIBBS: Find that SUV. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ALLEY - DAY ZIVA: This is a waste of time. TONY: Gibbs says search the alley again. We search the alley again. ZIVA: You never question anything he tells you to do, huh? TONY: Nope. ZIVA: We can't find anything because there's nothing to be found. TONY: You don't believe McGee was shot at? ZIVA: Tony, McGee stumbled across something, misread it, and overreacted. TONY: Not McGee. His brain's like a computer. It's scary. I'm sure procedures and regs warp-sped through his processor before he pulled the trigger. ZIVA: It happens so fast, you don't have time to think. TONY: We're talking about a guy who has protocols and checklists for brushing and flossing. ZIVA: I'll start flashing Benedict's photo on the street. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY MCGEE: Hey. ABBY: How are you doing? MCGEE: Okay. What's this music? ABBY: I'm almost done here. MCGEE: Tox screen? ABBY: Yeah. It's Benedict's. Ducky said his liver showed signs of cirrhosis, but he was clean and sober last night. MCGEE: Is that why you called me down here? ABBY: Nope. Come with me, McGee. MCGEE: Where are we going? ABBY: Your therapy session. (DOOR OPENS) MCGEE: What? What is that smell? ABBY: Aromatherapy. You're stressed. Anxious. Thirty minutes in here, and you'll be back to your old self. Probably even better. Now sit. MCGEE: I don't believe in New Age panaceas, Abby. What are these things? ABBY: Frankincense, lavender, and neroli oil. MCGEE: What the hell's neroli oil? (READS) "Used for the treatment of depression, nervous tension, flatulence, and irritable bowel syndrome." ABBY: Are you denying that more than one of those apply to you? MCGEE: You know what? I think I'm going to pass. (SFX: ABBY HANDCUFFS MCGEE TO THE CHAIR) MCGEE: Where did you get these? ABBY: Never leave home without them. MCGEE: Hey Abby, I have to get back to work. ABBY: And you will as soon as you clear your mind. You'll see things from a new perspective. Just relax, enjoy, and inhale. (DOOR CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: GIBBS LAUGHS) GIBBS: Huh. Oh... (GIBBS WALKS TO THE ELEVATOR) (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: Are you still here? SHEPARD: No. I'm the Director's doppelganger. GIBBS: I never did know what that meant. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED AS A JENNY ENTERS THE ELEVATOR) (DOOR SLIDES OPEN) GIBBS: Good night. JENNY: Good night.(F/X: JENNY EXITS THE ELEVATOR) GIBBS: So a doppelganger is someone who is pissed? SHEPARD: Yes, Agent Gibbs. This one definitely is. GIBBS: Why? SHEPARD: Why? Because you countermanded me in front of Metro Police. GIBBS: I didn't countermand you. You overruled me. SHEPARD: Oh, semantics. GIBBS: Is that like doppelganger? SHEPARD: (V.O.) Get a dictionary. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MCGEE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT (TYPING FX) (SFX: KNOCKING ON DOOR B.G.) TONY: (IN VIEWFINDER) Ah ha! Open up, McGee! (DOOR OPENS) MCGEE: Tony, I'm really not in the mood. TONY: Let me in. (DOOR CLOSES) MCGEE: Okay, you're in. What do you want? TONY: We're going out. MCGEE: Where? TONY: When the going gets tough, the tough go clubbing. We have got to get you dressed. MCGEE: Tony, I really want to be alone tonight, okay? TONY: No, you don't. Still working on the novel, I see, huh? MCGEE: DiNozzo, I'm begging you. Do not rag on me tonight, okay? TONY: Well, I wouldn't be DiNozzo if I didn't. The wardrobe. (SFX: DOORS OPEN) TONY: You got any party clothes, McGee? MCGEE: Tony! TONY: Baby, you are not going to be scoring in any of this stuff. MCGEE: (SHOUTS) Hey, would you stop! I'm not going anywhere! TONY: Hey listen, man, I'm sorry. I just wanted to... MCGEE: I know. I know. I know you're just trying to help. Tony, I'm not like you guys. You were trained as a cop. Gibbs was a Marine sniper. Kate protected the President of the United States. God only knows what Ziva did for Mossad. My background is biomedical engineering and computer forensics. I don't think I'm cut out to be a field agent. TONY: The first time I shot at someone.... I wet my pants. MCGEE: Really? TONY: Really. If you tell anyone that I will slap you silly. Ooh, do you have anything to eat? I know it's bad. I've been where you are. But a week from now this will all be behind you. Just a bad memory. (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE OF SHOOTING) (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: What time did you get up, Ziva? ZIVA: Zero four hundred. Background check on the cop McGee killed didn't come up with anything. He drank a little too much, had three ex-wives. GIBBS: Yeah well, that does not make him a bad person. ZIVA: His police service record is clean. Several accommodations for meritorious service and a Mayoral award. Nothing negative. GIBBS: Metro's going to make it look like our Probie killed their hero. ZIVA: They're going to interrogate McGee this afternoon. Request was approved by the Director. GIBBS: And you know this how? ZIVA: I'm a spy, remember? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) GIBBS: When were you going to tell me? SHEPARD: I see we're picking up where we left off, Jethro. GIBBS: If you're sending McGee to Metro, you're damn right, we are! SHEPARD: Didn't know I had to ask your permission. Don't give me the stare. I'm not a junior agent. GIBBS: No, you're a junior Director! SHEPARD: That's enough, Special Agent Gibbs! SUMNER: (OVER INTERCOM) Excuse me, Director. They're waiting for you in MTAC. SHEPARD: (INTO INTERCOM) I'm on my way, Cynthia. GIBBS: You have to learn how to say "no"! SHEPARD: I did, Jethro. Or have you forgotten? (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. LAB - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ABBY: McGee, what are you doing here so early? MCGEE: I had an epiphany. A different way of tracking the SUV. ABBY: A-ha! So the aromatherapy worked. Cleared your mind so you could come up with new ideas. MCGEE: I don't know about that. ABBY: I do. Did you get any sleep last night? MCGEE: Not much. DiNozzo kept me up 'till three. ABBY: Our DiNozzo? MCGEE: He came by my apartment to... cheer me up. ABBY: Really? MCGEE: Yeah, I know. DiNozzo being nice to me means I'm really in trouble. ABBY: I think it's sweet. So what was your light bulb? MCGEE: Well, are you familiar with the Ajzen/Fishbein Theory of Reasoned Action? ABBY: Of course. MCGEE: If Lieutenant Benedict was having an argument with the man in the SUV, the theory hypothesizes there's a high probability they had prior contact. ABBY: So you're matching SUV owners to people Benedict knew? MCGEE: Exactly. ABBY: Using what as a database? MCGEE: I wrote this program to cross-check registered owners with telephone calls and e-mails sent or received by Benedict over the last three months. ABBY: Timothy, that's brilliant. MCGEE: I thought so... but I didn't get any hits. The problem is, I've only got his home and cell numbers. I was denied access to Benedict's extension at Metro. ABBY: If you had the maintenance codes for the telephone servers at the police department, do you think that would help? MCGEE: Yes. ABBY: While you're getting me a CAFF-POW... I'll make a phone call. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: (INTO PHONE) Is there any way of finding out why she wants to talk to me? (FILTERED VOICE B.G.) RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) Not without asking her. Are you a personal friend of hers? TONY: (INTO PHONE) I was a donor. RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) I'm sorry.... TONY: (INTO PHONE) I'm a donor! RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) Oh, a donor. Right. What was your last name again? TONY: (INTO PHONE) DiNozzo. RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) Can you spell that for me, please? TONY: (INTO PHONE) Big D, little I, big N, little ozzo. RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) And your first name? TONY: (INTO PHONE) Anthony. RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) Would you hold a moment? TONY: (TO ZIVA) Playing phone-tag with the sperm bank. ZIVA: You haven't found out what it's about yet? TONY: Well, they're probably running low on their favorite fossil fuel "Essence of DiNozzo." RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) Hello Sir? TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, I'm here. RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) She's in a meeting at the moment. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Uh-huh. RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) Out of the office. TONY: (INTO PHONE) When will she be back? RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) Tomorrow. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Thank you. RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) You're welcome. ZIVA: Problem? TONY: The woman who's been trying to contact me isn't there. Her title is Director of Critical Issues. What do you think that means? ZIVA: I don't know, but it sounds serious. TONY: Yeah, it could be one of my offspring has a medical condition. Maybe they need an organ transplant. ZIVA: (LAUGHS) You.... you who won't share a Krispy Kreme Donut. You are going to give up a kidney? (ZIVA LAUGHS) TONY: You wouldn't understand. You're not a parent. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION) ABBY: Ha ha. That's so cute. I didn't know you were superstitious. MCGEE: I'm not. We've got a hit. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Edward Francis Halligan. Owns a black two thousand five Range Rover. License plate eight nine six seven Y-Z-E. MCGEE: He received a call from Benedict's Metro office extension two weeks ago. ABBY: You want to know how McGee figured it out? GIBBS: Nope. ZIVA: Halligan's an Irish National. He's been living here for the past three years. I'll run him by my Interpol contacts. GIBBS: Find him, Tony, and bring him in here. TONY: On it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. VAN - PARKED GIBBS: (V.O.) So. Are you gonna bust them, Archer? ARCHER: It'd blow my cover. Why don't you? GIBBS: They don't look Navy. Who are you staking out? ARCHER: It's a second tier pusher released from Elkton this morning. Right now he's in that hotel reacquainting himself with his old lady. Historically, the pusher's second stop is to look for employment. So I'm hoping he'll lead me to the local distributor. GIBBS: I'm surprised you agreed to meet. ARCHER: Just want to find out the truth. I'd appreciate it if Captain Karzin didn't find out we were talking. GIBBS: He's not going to hear anything from me. Do you know this guy? ARCHER: Never met him, but I'd love to get my hands on him. It's Ed Halligan. He's a rich Irishman rumored to be the money behind a local crack ring. GIBBS: He drives a black SUV. ARCHER: He collects expensive cars. He has dozens of them. GIBBS: Why'd Benedict call him two weeks ago? ARCHER: We set up a trap for Halligan but he never showed. Bennie suspected he was tipped. What are you getting at, Gibbs? GIBBS: We think that Halligan was the guy your partner was talking to in the alley. ARCHER: If he was, he had a legitimate reason. GIBBS: Wouldn't he have told you? ARCHER: Look, I'm.... I was the junior partner on the team. We hadn't been together that long so he didn't share everything with me. If you think that he was a dirty cop, forget it. Bennie was as straight up as they come. GIBBS: You just said you hadn't been together very long. ARCHER: How long does it take to know if your partner's dirty? GIBBS: Is that your dirt bag? ARCHER: Yeah, I gotta get to work. GIBBS: Okay. (CAR DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Anxious? MCGEE: Does it show? ZIVA: May I give you some advice? MCGEE: Please. ZIVA: Be confident when Metro interrogates you. If you don't believe what you're saying, how can they? MCGEE: Every time I think about it, it comes out a little different. ZIVA: For God's sakes, don't tell that to Metro. TONY: Where's the boss? ZIVA: Where's Halligan? TONY: Ah, not at home. I went to his house. It's really more like an estate. It's all marble and stone. Monolithic thing with Greco-Roman statues. Impressionist art. And flowers everywhere. In the front hall there were these two flowers like swans that were kissing. MCGEE: What about the Range Rover? TONY: Oh, that wasn't in the garage, but that thing was loaded. Lamborghini's, Ferraris, nineteen sixty five Aston Martin, the Goldfinger... MCGEE: Tony! TONY: Sorry. Sorry. Reminded me of when I was a kid in the Hamptons. MCGEE: So you have no idea where he went? TONY: Well, he told Shamus, that's his houseboy, he was going away for a few days. I'm telling you, if I had a master bedroom like that... mirrors on the ceiling... ZIVA: My contact at Interpol said Halligan's been under investigation in Ireland, Britain, and France. Several indictments. All drug related, but none ever .... Ooh, (IN HEBREW) Le-aza-zel. TONY: Whatever that is doesn't sound good. ZIVA: Halligan's on the goat. Oh, no! Not goat. Sheep? MCGEE: Lam? ZIVA: That's it. TONY: He's on the lam. There's no "B" in that, by the way. ZIVA: Thank you. He bought a ticket at Dulles yesterday afternoon. TONY: To Ireland? ZIVA: Rabat, Moroc. Via Lisbon. No extradition. MCGEE: Benedict was arresting him. I killed a cop arresting a drug lord. (MCGEE WALKS O.S.) ZIVA: His goose is cooked. TONY: You would get that one right. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY KARZIN: Bennie didn't point a weapon at you, did he? (INTERCUT FLASHBACK ALLEY SCENE) MCGEE: No. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY GIBBS: Is the Director in? SUMNER: Expecting you. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY (DOOR OPENS) SHEPARD: Close the door, please. GIBBS: No, you don't want that door closed, Director. SHEPARD: I don't? GIBBS: No! (DOOR CLOSES) SHEPARD: Let her rip. GIBBS: The U.S. Attorney's office is charging McGee with negligent homicide. Metro is booking him right now. Do you know why? SHEPARD: Because he admitted to making a tragic mistake. GIBBS: No, because you may know how to kiss ass, but you sure don't know how to protect it. SHEPARD: And you think you're protecting that boy by ignoring the facts? GIBBS: He's not a boy! He's a NCIS Special Agent. He's one of my people. I don't leave my people behind. It's a Marine thing. SHEPARD: What are you going to do? GIBBS: I'm going to go to Metro and get him. SHEPARD: No. GIBBS: No? SHEPARD: Your eyesight's weak, not your hearing. (DOOR OPENS) SHEPARD: You're not going to Metro because McGee's on his way here. I convinced Captain Karzin that he wasn't a flight risk and to release him into our custody until his arraignment hearing. (DOOR CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: You should have gone with him. TONY: Why me? He's your bud. ZIVA: Bud? TONY: Bud. Buddy. Friend. ZIVA: You're not McGee's friend? TONY: Of course I'm his friend. ZIVA: English is a very confusing language. If you're his.... oh.... (IN HEBREW) Le-aza-zel! TONY: There's that word, again. ZIVA: Huh! Interpol missed Halligan in Portugal. He cleared Moroc Customs an hour ago. (MCGEE WALKS INTO THE SQUAD ROOM) GIBBS: I let you down. MCGEE: Boss, I think it's the other way around. GIBBS: I should have gone with you to Metro. MCGEE: I don't think it would have made a difference. I panicked. I thought he had a weapon in his hand. I need to face it. I shot a good cop making an arrest. GIBBS: What cop makes a drug bust without a weapon? ABBY: None! Rule Number Eight is going to save you, McGee! TONY: Never date a co-worker? ZIVA: Never go anywhere without your knife. TONY: I thought that was nine. GIBBS: Never take anything for granted. ABBY: Correcto, Jefe. But then again, you did make up the rules so... GIBBS: Get to the point, Abs. ABBY: I didn't do forensics on the jacket because we knew what happened. Then I remembered Rule Numero Ocho. GIBBS: Gunshot residue. ABBY: Based on the density and the pattern of the stippling and the sooting, one of the slugs in Lieutenant Benedict was fired from only one foot away. MCGEE: One of my shots missed? TONY: I knew you weren't that good, Probie. Three for three at twenty five meters? I don't think so. GIBBS: Halligan shot him from behind the wheel. TONY: Wrong, Boss! GIBBS: Slap him, Ziva. (SFX: SLAP) TONY: If Halligan was behind the wheel then he was five or six feet away. I pulled the registration from the Range Rover. It was brought into DMV for an inspection because it was imported from Ireland. Right hand drive. British like Ducky's Morgan. Steering wheel's on the right hand side. MCGEE: The person I saw arguing with Benedict was a passenger. GIBBS: There was a third man. TONY: That's a great movie. Joseph Cotton. Orson Welles. GIBBS: We're looking in the wrong direction. If McGee's third round didn't hit the SUV, then it's somewhere at the other end of that alley. Go! Abby, thank you. MCGEE: Boss, he still didn't fire at me. GIBBS: You saw a flash, McGee. You heard a gunshot. You had no way of knowing if Benedict was firing at you or not. If I was in your position, McGee, I'd have fired. Go on! Run Halligan's phone records. See if you can't figure out who he was meeting with. MCGEE: Right. GIBBS: Could be your two rounds weren't the fatal one. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY TONY: If you ever Gibbs-slap me again, David, and I will slap you back harder! ZIVA: I was following orders. TONY: The dutiful Mossad agent. You miss the spy game? It must have been exciting. ZIVA: You've seen too many James Bond movies. It's not all about car chases and s*x. TONY: It wasn't? ZIVA: Well, there was a lot of s*x. (SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONES) TONY: Ha! Ooh. Six one four. Ohio. Sperm bank. (INTO PHONE) Yeah, this is Agent DiNozzo. Yeah. Yeah, I know. There's got to be some kind of mistake because.... yeah, that's me. But, I mean... No. Thank you.(SFX: FILTERED VOICE B.G.) ZIVA: Do you want to discuss it? TONY: Ah, it's nothing. ZIVA: For two days you've obsessed on that letter, driving me crazy! Now all of a sudden it's nothing? TONY: Drop it. ZIVA: I understand. I'd be embarrassed, too. (BEAT) I shouldn't have done it, but your phone kept on ringing this morning and I knew this call was important. So I answered it! TONY: You talked... you talked? ZIVA: To the woman at the sperm bank, the Director of Critical Issues. Yes! I'm sorry, Tony. TONY: Ha! She had no right to tell you that no one wants my sperm! ZIVA: Ah, yes! (LAUGHS) TONY: You didn't talk to her. ZIVA: So no little DiNozzos anywhere. It's hard to believe that a stud like you would not be chosen. Were any of the prospective women shown a photo of you? Cause... TONY: You're enjoying this a lot, aren't you? ZIVA: Oh, yes. Are they going to return your sperm? TONY: Let's focus on finding the bullet. ZIVA: Don't have to. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: The striations in the bullets are exact. It was definitely fired from McGee's Sig. GIBBS: Where did you two find the bullet? TONY: Miss Abby Sciuto. ZIVA: Right here, Boss. Behind the body embedded in the door frame. TONY: McGee was wide to the left. GIBBS: Where the hell is Benedict's weapon? Yeah? ABBY: I have a theory. GIBBS: Okay. ABBY: McGee identified himself. The man in the car fires point blank at Benedict. Now like you said, it was too close and it was dark. So McGee couldn't distinguish where the flash came from and McGee fires back. One missed. And when Benedict fell, he dropped his weapon through the open window of the Range Rover. What do you think? MCGEE: What's going on? TONY: We're saving your butt, McGee. GIBBS: Hey, come on. What do you got? MCGEE: A dump of Halligan's phone records. The morning of the shooting, he placed several calls to Sergeant Archer's home and cell phones. ZIVA: You mean Benedict's? MCGEE: No, Archer's. His partner. GIBBS: The call from Metro two weeks ago came from Archer, not Benedict. TONY: Partners share extensions at the precinct. GIBBS: I showed Archer a picture of Halligan yesterday. He acted like they'd never met. MCGEE: Well, one of the phone calls lasted eighteen minutes. GIBBS: Come on, McGee. You're with me. McGee, come here. Use my back up. MCGEE: Archer's got to know that Halligan's in Morocco. He's never going to talk. GIBBS: Is Halligan in Morocco? MCGEE: Ziva said he passed through customs. GIBBS: Well, maybe Archer doesn't know that. Pull an old warrant. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - DAY (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) (CAR DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) ARCHER: What's up? GIBBS: Got a few questions. ARCHER: He's supposed to be in custody. GIBBS: He's in my custody. You never told me you spoke with Halligan. ARCHER: Never did. MCGEE: Phone records show you exchanged several calls. ARCHER: Look, I don't care what your phone records say. I never talked to Halligan. You can ask him. MCGEE: One of the calls was two weeks ago, about the time you claim you set the trap for Halligan. ARCHER: You know what? I don't need this from the guy who killed my partner. GIBBS: McGee shot him after someone inside the car fired first. Your partner suspected you were working with Halligan. He followed you to a meet in the alley. ARCHER: You guys aren't laying this off on me. GIBBS: We pulled a nine millimeter slug out of Benedict's chest. I want to run that against your service weapon. We're gonna search the premises. ARCHER: I'm not talking to Navy wannabee cops. GIBBS: Interpol picked Halligan up in Lisbon. He never made it to Morocco. We'll get him back here and he'll talk. Halligan's not going to take the fall for you. (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: GUNFIRE) GIBBS: Don't ever hesitate because you second-guessed yourself again. I'll take your badge. Are we clear? MCGEE: Clear. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. LAB - NIGHT (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) ABBY: I thought you would be out celebrating. MCGEE: No. ABBY: Did you come down for a hug? MCGEE: What'd you find out? ABBY: I ran every test I could think of. The slugs are too damaged. There's no way to tell who fired the kill shot. Does it really matter? MCGEE: Yeah. It matters. (MUSIC OUT) (FADE OUT)

While the team is on protective detail for the Chief of Naval Operations , McGee spots an argument taking place in an alleyway. He shoots one of the men, who he believed was aiming a gun at him. The deceased turns out to be a D.C. Metro police detective who was working undercover. When the team is unable to find any weapon or bullets left behind by anyone other than McGee, it appears that McGee may have made a probie mistake. McGee begins to doubt himself but Gibbs is suspicious of the detective's meeting, which took place that night. After speaking to the decedent's partner, the team realizes that McGee's story may be more accurate than any of them thought.

fd_Married_01x07

fd_Married_01x07_0

Gretchen: Oh, whatever. It's... it's economical, okay? (Indistinct talking)(Dog barking) Russ: What do you want? Frankie: I want waffles. Daddy. I want waffles, I want waffles, I want waffles. Russ: Over easy or sunny side up? Frankie: I want waffles. Russ: Okay, over easy. (Doorbell rings) Ugh, that's for you. Lina: Coming! (Rapid knocking) Hello? Realtor: Hi, are you guys ready for the open house? Lina: The open what? Realtor: Open house. Lina: This is bullshit. The landlord has to call... you can't just have an open house. We live here. Russ: You need to keep it down. Lina: It's bullshit! Russ: Shh! Lina: You have to let your tenant know. Did you hide the, um...? Russ: I hid all the usual crap. My weed, your vibrator, your mom's jewelry, the Polaroids. Lina: The Polaroids? Russ: They're mine. Those are mine. Lina: They're of me. Russ: They're mine. Man: The kitchen would have to be gutted. How disgusting were those bathrooms? Woman: They look like they've never been cleaned. Russ: They're not that dirty. Lina: Yes, they are. Lina: Here's one... three bedrooms. Cozy. Craftsman style house. Russ: "Cozy" means tiny. Lina: What about three bedrooms and a pool. Oh, wait, never mind, it's an apartment complex. Are you watching the kids? Russ: Yes. Lina: This is so depressing. I hate renting. Russ: Why? We've got total freedom with renting, you know? I don't want to be tied down. Lina: We have three kids. We're tied down. Russ: Yeah, but what if we need to, like, leave the country suddenly, you know? What if we get jobs in Costa Rica? Lina: I just want to own I want to own something before I die. I want to die in the place that I own. Russ: Got it. Buy a house, murder you, have s*x with your corpse. [SCENE_BREAK] David: Oh, hi. Jess: Hi, David. Do you want to see me? David: Yeah. Come on in. Jess: Yeah. (Locks door) Am I getting fired? David: What? Jess: 'Cause you just shut the door and locked it, and I feel like that means I'm getting fired. (David laughs) Or bent over something. Am I getting bent over? David: No. Uh, Jess, do you remember the thing we talked about before Christmas? Jess: Yes, I do. (Gasps) David: Yeah, so... Jess: Are you putting me on Valerie's team? That's awesome. Thank you. David: No, actually... Jess: Uh, let me just say, I've really been thinking about this, and I feel very ready. David: Stop. The reason I, uh, called you in here is I need to... I need to get some tickets. You know... eight tickets in row "C." Jess: Am I being invited or not invited to something? David (Quietly): I need an eight-ball. Jess: Oh. (Laughs) You want me to get cocaine for you. You want me to buy drugs for you. David: Hey, I-I'd love it if you'd please use code. Jess: Oh, I get it. Okay, um, eight tickets in row cocaine. (Clicks tongue twice) David (Laughs nervously): Okay, thanks. Thank you. That's it. Great. Jess: Thank you. David: Thanks, yeah, that's it. [SCENE_BREAK] I think it's cool that he asked me to get the drugs, because it's like he still thinks I have that hookup, you know? And I like being that girl. Russ: You're not really a girl. Jess: Can you ask your husband to please be nice to me? I'm going through too much sh1t right now to deal with you. Lina: What about a duplex in Encino? Russ: Mm. Like that idea. We get one house, the kids get another. That'd be sweet. Oh, wow. This is a new direction for AJ. Lina: Way less whore-y than usual. Russ: Yeah. Jess: She might... even have pubes. Russ: Retro. Cynthia: Hello. Hi. I'm Cynthia. Russ: Russ. This is my wife, Lina. Cynthia: Nice to meet you. AJ: This is Jess. Hello. How are you? Cynthia: Well, thank God we're zoned for Carpenter Elementary, because only three houses over it's Moorpark. Lina: Oh, yeah, they only got a seven out of ten. Cynthia: Exactly. And we looked at this other house and thought about getting a virtual address. AJ (Quietly): She's so normal. Russ: That's good, right? AJ (Sighs): Yeah. Normal makes me hard. It's my new fetish. Jess: My new fetish is men with a really leathery skin. AJ: Mm. Jess: I also imagine that the skin is crispy and hot to the touch. I might just want chicken. (Laughs) Cynthia: We have to do this again soon. Lina: Absolutely. Cynthia: It's so nice to meet you both. Russ: Nice to meet you as well. Cynthia: Bye. Get home safe. Russ and Lina: You, too. Russ: All right, can we stop pretending that we valeted? Lina: Yes. Russ: Thank you. Lina: Cynthia's cool. What's her story? Russ: Uh, her and her husband are splitting up. I guess it's sort of ugly. Lina: Oh. Russ: Mm-hmm. Lina (Gasps): A three-bedroom in Tarzana just opened up. Russ: Mm. Oh... wait, that's right. AJ mentioned that Cynthia was selling her place. Lina: Really? Russ: Yeah. Lina: What is she asking? Russ: More than we can afford. Lina: Aw. (AJ hums a tune) AJ: Oh, my God.You guys are gonna love this house! (Laughs) Russ: It seems way out of our range. AJ: No, no, no, no, dude, it's a divorce sale. Cynthia and Karl just want to unload the place. Lina: It's really cute. AJ: This is great for you guys. Russ: I just... Lina: We can look. Russ: We can look, I just... AJ: Hello, Yolanda. We're here! It's a complete remodel. Cathedral ceilings, recessed lighting... I mean, you can't get better than this, right? Russ: Yeah, we can't afford this. Lina: Just keep an open mind... you never know. Russ: Mm, pretty much know. AJ: Let me show you the kiddies' room. Great, right? Lina: Honey, the girls could have their own rooms. Russ: Oh, great... they should definitely have their own rooms. Oh, but, then, I don't know, where are we gonna put the butler? You know? I mean, I guess Maya could share with the butler, though. Is that weird? Lina: I hate you. Russ: Do you think the roof's gonna be flat enough for the helipad? AJ: Look, you know, we're both taking our time out of our days to do this with you, so just have a better attitude. Lina: Honey, this could be your office! Russ: Sure, why not? AJ: Yeah. And what is Karl's sh1t doing inside your office, huh? Yech! Lina: Okay, if we cash in your 401(K) from your old job and we get another loan from my mom... Russ: We still won't have enough. Lina: What if you go to work full-time for Bernie? Russ: Which I'm not gonna do. AJ: Guys, I can help. What's the use of having money if you can't help your friends? Lina: When is it available? (AJ sighs) AJ: I wish I knew, man. She won't give me a straight answer. Russ: Wait, so the house might not actually be for sale? AJ: Who knows? It's not fair to me, it's not fair to Karl, it's not fair to you guys... we're all victims here. Lina: So the house might be for sale. Lina: So what's the deal with Cynthia? Is she getting divorced or not? AJ: She keeps saying, "we'll be together soon, we'll be together soon." What does "soon" mean? What is she talking about five years? Seven years? You know? When she gets with me, I still want to be able to get it up. Russ: I think we are done here. Lina: We're not done. Russ: Yes, we are. Lina: We're not done. Russ: Yeah. Lina: I love that house. Russ: I know, but maybe this is a sign. That house ruined Cynthia's marriage. Lina: The house didn't ruin their marriage. Russ: She and Karl bought a big house, and now they are getting a divorce. Coincidence? Lina: Yes. Dino: Jess? Jess: Hey, Dino. Dino: Damn, you look fine. No, I'm, I'm out of the life. Have been for a while. Jess: You're taking a break? Dino: No, I'm done dealing. Forever. Jess: (Chuckles) Did you get busted, Dino? Dino: No, I was too good for that. I just realized that slinging wasn't getting me anywhere. I'm all about hospitality now, you know what I'm saying? Jess: I don't. I... am so... So this is not a front? Dino: This is a career. Jess: Okay. All right. Dino: Look, the only thing I'm dealing now is an exceptional guest experience. I realized I had to think about a life path, you know? Career and sh1t. Jess: Totally. I'm just doing this for my boss. Dino: Oh. So you can relate. You're not somebody he respects. You're just another hustler. Hurts, right? Jess: I don't think that he thinks of me like that. Dino: I hated it when people only hit me up when they needed drugs. You know, some of the people I was dealing to didn't even know I had kids. Jess: Oh, yeah. Uh, they don't? That's... Wha... How are your... those kids? Dino: Good. Good. Jess: Good. Dino: Two more reasons why I stopped pushing the powder. Jess: That's nice. Cool. So you've just totally severed from that world or... Do you know anybody who still does... push the powder? Or... I don't know what to say. Dino: I-I gave it up completely. Jess: I know, but did you, like, say good-bye to all of your friends? Dino: Am I not making myself clear? [SCENE_BREAK] Lina: Russ? Russ (Groggily): Huh? Lina: Are you awake? Russ: Huh? Lina: Russ. Russ: What? Lina: I can't stop thinking about that house. Russ: Huh? You want to fool around? Lina: Are you even listening to me? Russ: (Groans) Say it back again. Lina: What? Russ: You. Every time we need a new place to live, you get crazy. Lina: Well, maybe that's because we never live anywhere for more than three years. Russ: You realize that every time you say that, it makes me feel like a total loser... Because I don't make enough money to buy us a house. Lina: You're not a loser 'cause you can't afford anything. You're a loser for different reasons. AJ said he would help. Russ: I don't want AJ's help. Wait, have you guys been texting? Lina: That house is perfect for us. Russ: We don't even know if that house is for sale, Lina. Lina: Let's find out. We are really worried about AJ. We just don't want to see him get hurt. Well, he said you had made some promises to him, that you two would be together soon. Cynthia: Well, that's the hope. Lina: Yeah. Right. So how soon are you thinking? You know, because AJ's not getting any younger. And it's not fair to him. Or to you. Or Karl. Cynthia: It's tricky. Lina: AJ really cares about you. Right, honey? Russ: Uh, yeah. No, he's-he's totally into you. Cynthia: He's been a really great friend during this whole thing. Lina: The divorce? Is that the-the thing you're talking about? Cynthia: Okay, here's the deal... (Phone rings) Oh, sh1t. This is Karl. I have to get this. I'm sorry. Lina: Yeah, of course. Cynthia: What? Why? You never listen to a goddamn thing I say. No, I don't want to see you. Honestly I don't want to ever see you ever again. The thought of seeing you disgusts me. When you touch me, it-it-it makes me want to vomit all over you. Yeah, that's how I feel... Lina: This is amazing. Russ: What? Lina: You hear the way she's talking to him? Russ: Yeah, it sounds like how you talk to me. Lina: She doesn't love him anymore. Russ: Huh. What are you saying? Cynthia: That's why our s*x wasn't good... Russ: Hey. Isn't it possible that they might actually stay together? Lina: Why are you being so negative? Russ: Because we're trying to buy a divorce house from a couple that might not get divorced. Lina: Maya, come here. Your father doesn't believe that Nicole's parents are having problems so you need to do a little recon. (Phone ringing) Maya: How do you play recon? Russ: (Groans) AJ. Maya: She likes purple, she hates Bieber, and they might get a labradoodle. Lina: What about the parents? Maya: Mom wants the dog. Dad's allergic. Lina: (Sighs) Is there anything else about the dad? Maya: Sometimes he sleeps on the sofa. Lina: Perfect. See? That's how you play recon. Maya: That game's stupid. Lina: You're stupid. Russ: What? Hey. AJ: Dude, I am totally closing the deal for you guys. Russ: Look, we appreciate the help, but I don't think this is gonna work out. AJ: It's already done. Russ: What is this? AJ: Karl's tax return. Somebody forgot to declare income on a rental property. You know, income tax, man, that's what brought down Capone. Russ: AJ, I don't... Honestly, I don't know what to do with this. AJ: Hey. Lina and I are on the same page with this. Get with the program. Russ: What... program? [SCENE_BREAK] Russ: Lina, this is crazy. We need to go home. Lina: We can't let an opportunity like this slip away. Why should someone else get this house? Why? I don't understand. We need a two-car garage. Russ: Why? We have one car. Lina: For now we have one car, but... Russ: Uh... Lina: Oh, and guess what else I just found out. Karl's sleeping on the couch. Russ: So what? I sleep on the couch. It doesn't mean we're getting divorced. Lina: She wants this to end. She's vulnerable, she's angry. So, like, this is perfect. We're coming in at the perfect moment in her life. Your best friend is in love with her, and we need a house. We need a house! Russ: You've kind of lost it at this point. Lina: No, I haven't. Cynthia and Karl just need a little push. Russ: We shouldn't be pushing anybody into anything. Lina: Look, the only way to get a house in Los Angeles is to either get rich or get lucky, and honestly, honey, I don't see us getting rich anytime soon. Russ: Hey, I'm... I'm working on some stuff. Lina: What stuff? Russ: Uh, it's... Not... it's a nascent... Lina: And it's gonna make us rich? Russ: Yeah, it can. Or it can, you know, certainly lead to other... things that could be profitable. (Lina fake snoring) It's-it's just got... (Groans) Fine. What do you want me to do? Lina: Oh, man, I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this right now. I'm glad that you're not alone, though. I'm glad that we're here for you. Cynthia: I feel horrible for dragging you into this. Lina: Oh, no, don't at all. Russ: No. Lina: What's important right now is-is the children, you know, that they have a fresh start. Russ: Yeah. Yeah, they need a fresh start. Lina: Clear out the bad memories, get rid of the bad, stale air, with a new house. Russ: Yeah, the air. Lina: You need to sell this house... and start... over... Cynthia: I don't know, maybe we should try counseling first. Russ: Oh, yeah, counseling can be good, too. You know, except for the fact that it's... usually, like, a scam. It just delays the inevitable. You know, you're at the inevitable... it's over. Lina: And honestly, I... (Sighs) Feel like you and AJ are really good together. Russ: Mm-hmm. Lina: I feel like you're gonna make it. Russ: Yeah. He doesn't have any tax problems. And that's what's... a lot of times the most important piece of the relationship, is the tax stuff. (Door opening) [SCENE_BREAK] Amir: We need to talk. About Cynthia. AJ (Chuckles): Why? What about her? Amir: She's married, man. AJ (Chuckles): Okay, I get the picture. Do what you're gonna do, man. Break my legs, knock out my teeth, cut my tongue out and shove it up my ass. Amir: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. AJ: You can tell Karl it's gonna take a lot more than one of his thugs to tear us apart. Amir: Listen, man, I'm not a tough guy. I'm here as a friend. And Karl didn't send me. Cynthia did. AJ: What? Amir: We are friends, old friends... you know, we went to school together. AJ (Chuckles): Oh, nice try. Amir: No, seriously, man. Here, she wants me to give you back your key. And talk some sense into you. Her and Karl are trying to work things out. She just want to be left alone. AJ: She said that we were gonna be together. Amir: She said. People say things, you know? Like, she-she lied. AJ: But we were supposed to be together. [SCENE_BREAK] (Sniffs) Jess: Hi, David. David: Hey, Jess. Jess: Uh, I need to talk to you about those tickets. The tickets that you were looking for. David: Oh, yeah, good. Jess: No. Row "C" is completely sold out. David: Oh. sh1t. Jess: And... while I have you, I just want to say that... I really would prefer if you don't ask me about this kind of stuff again. David: Oh. Jess: You know, and it's really unprofessional. (Whispers): Because also, I'm a mom. You know? And it's... it's offensive and difficult for me that you think of me as, um... a hustler. I'm not the girl that you go to to look for your booger sugar. David: I get it. Jess: I'm the woman that works in your office. And I deserve to be on Valerie's team. David: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] AJ (Singsongy): Congrats on the promotion. So happy for you. (Sniffs) Mmm, mmm. Jess: Calm down. AJ: Calm down? Jess: That wasn't easy to get. AJ: Oh, really? Jess: Yeah. AJ (Chuckles): Sorry. (Jess laughs) Seriously, I'm proud of you. Jess: Thank you. (Sniffs) Sorry about Cynthia. AJ: Yeah. I really thought we were gonna make it work. Jess: Mm. AJ: Seemed so... (Sniffs) Real. (Sniffs) Jess: Well, I hope Karl beats her. (AJ sniffs) AJ: Not cool. Jess: Sorry. But if he does, I hope he does it in front of the kids. AJ: Well... well, is there any other way to do it? Jess: No. If you're gonna do it, make your mark. Russ: Lina? Lina? Lina: Hmm? Russ: You awake? Lina: Mm-mm. Russ: Sorry about the house. I feel bad that I haven't been able to... buy the house that you want. I know I got to make more money. Lina: I got to get a job. Russ: No, you don't. Lina: Yes, I do. Russ: I mean, it wouldn't hurt, you know. It's just... I'm gonna bust my ass until we have enough money to own our own place. Lina: It's okay. I think I like renting better than owning. Russ: Really? Lina: Yeah. Houses are a lot of work. And if something breaks... Who's gonna fix it, you? (Both laughing) Russ: Not a chance. Lina: Let's face it, baby... We're renters. [SCENE_BREAK] (golf announcer speaking indistinctly) AJ: You feel like Mexican tonight? Amir: Anything but pizza. AJ: How about pizza?

Russ and Lina find that the lease on their rental house is almost up, as new potential renters start dropping by to view the home. Lina falls in love with the home of a woman who is now dating A.J., and tries to hasten the woman's pending divorce. Elsewhere, Jess gets upset that her boss only pays her attention when he wants her to score drugs for him.

fd_The_League_01x01

fd_The_League_01x01_0

Gentlemen, let's just take a moment here to celebrate something... that I think we can all agree is a truly amazing thing. And that is me. As your current champion and three-time winner... I would like to welcome each and every one of you... to this fifth season of The League. I love playing with you guys. It's not just that you lose. It's that you try so hard, and you still lose. Daddy's friends think they're gonna go balls-deep in him... but he's gonna go balls-deep in them. Yes, he is. And then you make these terrible bets... that end up biting you in the ass when you do lose, Kevin. Kevin: Oh, dear God. Woman: It's humiliating. I know. We gotta win this year. Yeah, you have to listen to me. I will. I promise, okay? So let's talk schedule. Call Taco and tell him that The League has actually started. Oh, you found it. Awesome. Come to Papa. [SIGHS] I have a mental erection. Oh, and lest I forget, the draft... which is gonna be at Andre's swanky new downtown loft. [OVER COMPUTER] Andre, we don't care how much money you make. You're still the same sweet, gullible little suck-tard... that we tricked into this. [TATTOO GUN BUZZING] Eagle looks cool, right? Pete: Oh, it looks awesome. Andre: So happy you guys are here. I love you guys. You're the best. You guys are getting one too, right? Pete: Yeah, I'm up next. God bless Fantasy Football. There are many things a man can do with his time. And this is better than those things. Are you sick? Hey, how's it going? No, I just... I had, like, a half day, and I was just getting some stuff done here. What's that? What's that? That is just a little quick video chat I was having. Fantasy Football. It's like faux football, by the way, "fake." sh1t. Pete: Kevin. Kevin (over phone): Ready for this thing? Pete: Kevin. Kevin (over phone): Ready for this thing? Pete: I'm impressed with you this season. You made it seven... Eight minutes, actually, before you threw in the towel. I'm impressed. Bullshit. I'm doing the work this year, okay? Pete: Heh, heh, heh. Yeah, I may even fly out to some, you know, mini-camps. How about that? Ever think about that? I'm ready to go. You ready? [TOILET FLUSHES OVER PHONE] What was that? What was that noise? What? The sound of swirling water. A flush. Are you in the bathroom? Yeah, I'm in the bathroom. What's the big deal? Not sure I appreciate being associated with bathroom time. This is the only time I get to myself. Is this a common occurrence? Yeah. That conversation we had about whether Meegan and I were gonna get married? Toilet. What about... when I thought I might wanna leave my job? Porta Potty. Porta Potty? That day was weird. We were doing construction on the house. The reason I'm calling is because I gotta let you know that... Jenny and I are gonna try to have another kid. No. No. Thank you so much for the warm tidings. Dude, you do not understand, okay? We had a massive blow-up over the kid situation. This has far-reaching implications. I'm gonna get buried underneath this. Sucks to be you, champion. Gotta go. You suck. See you Sunday. Love you. Hey, Meegan? Have you seen my lucky draft shirt? Meegan: Mm-mm. I haven't seen it. You sure? What? What are you saying? Do you think I threw it away? No, just asking. Sorry. You were on phone with Kevin for a long time. Yeah. We were just catching up a little bit. How's Jenny? She's good. Hm. Anything new? Same old, same old, you know. Not much really changes over there, so, yeah. Meegan: Really? Whoa. Meegan: I think something's changing. Hi. Hi. Meegan: Hi. Give it, give it up. Pete: Give me... Meegan: What? Pete: Give me a shot at this. Give me a shot at this. Okay. Meegan: Oh, I don't mind it rough. Pete: This is... This is nice. Nice and slow. Nice and really slow. Meegan: I like that. Pete: Mm-hm. You're massaging the back. Meegan: Yeah. You like that? Meegan: Unh. Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's a finger. Meegan: Just the tip. You can't... The tip is already too much. Just pull it out because I don't like... Meegan: Unh. No. Just the tip. Pete: No, I don't like the tip. Meegan: I'm the boss. I'm the boss. Not okay. Whoa. Oh, no, no, no. Meegan: No, don't move, don't move! Pete: Oh, fingers. Not okay, not okay. Don't move! Don't move! [BOTH GRUNTING] [MEEGAN PANTING] Oh, my God. Holy. That was amazing. Okay. Yeah. Good show, old boy. [CHILDREN YELLING] Look at you. Woman: Hi. Great party. I think Ellie's got the same bow on today. Oh, well, they match. Jenny: She's right there. Okay, thanks. Glad you made it. I know it's early. Anytime, my brother. Kevin: Thank you. Jenny: Hey, Tac. She's growing up. Kevin: She is. Taco: What's she, like 9 now? Nope. Nope. She's 5, Taco. Oh. She's so advanced right now, though. She is counting. She's spelling, words. It's incredible. Taco: I can see that. Kevin: Yeah. She's quite the wordsmith. Kevin: She's great. Hey, guess what I did yesterday. You got stoned and watched a movie. Yeah, Total Recall. Twice. Kevin: How'd I know? But on top of that, I wrote Ellie a birthday song. No, no. Jenny: You did? Taco: I did, I did. Kevin: I told you not to do that. You didn't have to do it again. It's awesome. Kevin: Thank you so much, Taco. That's really sweet, Taco. Pete: Pete's here. Hold it. Jenny: Oh, my God. Whoa. Make way, make way, make way. Pete. You really stepped up. Holy cow. It's just a little something I picked up on the way. It's nothing big at all. [PETE HUMS FANFARE] Jenny: That's... Behold, the Shiva. Redux, by the way. With some new and improved elements. I've had her so long, I should do something. We've got the 2008 champion, Pete Eckhart. Two thousand and seven champion Pete Eckhart. It looks good. I think it should stay right there. If we're gonna talk football, I should talk to Jenny because that's... Talk to me? I'm an observer. Kevin: Exactly. You keep insinuating that she runs my team. She doesn't run my team. Jenny: Nothing to do with it. Pete: Then you really need to sack up this year... and do it for... If not for yourself, for your family. I want it so bad. Look at it. It's so strong. You ever had s*x with a trophy before? No. But I can't wait, because I will. Oh, really? Yeah. This year, it's gonna be in my house. Really? It's gonna be mine. And I'm gonna get all your sloppy seconds. I'm gonna suck it. I'm gonna dry hump it. I'm gonna blow it. Kevin: Okay, that's enough. That's enough. Hey, hey. Pete: That's gross. Bing Crosby, lose the hat. Freaking the kids out. You don't like the hat? No, previous season's is gone. The last thing he's gonna do is draft Tiki Barber... even though he's a commentator. Yeah, you guys got in my head. I shat the bed. Pete: Know what you should do? Kevin: Look at Phil Simms or Boomer Esiason this year. Watch out, guys. Watch out. Because next year, I'm gonna be the one making fun of you. Pete: Yeah? Boo. Kevin: Whoa. He hit it hard on that one. Andre: Yeah. Hey, that's a nice trophy. What's it for? Taco, it's for the... It's for The League. That's your name. You wrote that. Kevin: You won this. You had it for a year, in '06. For football. Pete: This was in your house a year, man. Real quick, we have to talk about the timing of the draft on Saturday. Oh, yeah. Pete: I need a ride from you. I need to piggyback on your curfew. No. I don't know what my plans are, okay? I don't have a curfew. I may get wasted, sleep at Taco's. Sleep at my house. I got four extra bedrooms. No, I don't want to. Because I don't wanna sleep in Ed Hardy pajamas. Bring your own pajamas. Kevin: No, I'm not. Get your own way there. Pete: Ooh. Ruxin. Kevin: There he is. Taco: Hey, I'm Taco. Taco, we've been friends for 15 years. Did we get paroled? I'm not under house arrest. I come and go. You got all afternoon to hang out... No, I'm getting diapers. I got 20 minutes for some beer. Kevin: Grab one. There. Kevin: Gather around. It's time to pick the draft order. This is how we're gonna do it. I spent a lot of time, lot of effort into it, got very excited. So that will go over there. Pete: This your...? On the count of three, pull out a paper. Here we go. One, two, three. There it is. This is really exciting. Number four. Pete: Number six. Number one. Number one. Andre: Tim Brady, mother* * * * * * s. Kevin: Congratulations. But that is not who you're gonna be drafting. See the kids over there? The kid with your number is your kid. Where they finish in the race is where you draft, huh, bitches? You didn't even pick your own child. That's good, because she's not that fast. This is fantastic. I'm impressed. I know. Go! [CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] Did you turn this into a League event? I did. This is good. We're not rooting for Ellie? No, number seven. Come on, seven! Kevin: Come on, seven! Go, come on. Go. Go for it, you son of a bitch! Ruxin: Yes! Kevin: Ball sack! You flaxen-haired little maniac! Adrian Peterson, the first pick in the draft. Girl: Mom. Give me my child. I love this kid. I love this kid. Balls. Yes. Suck it! Ruxin: Hey, check out special-needs Harry Potter over there. It's Matt Friedman, the Oracle. Who's the Oracle? He's a Fantasy Football genius, okay? No wife, no job, just pure football knowledge. He just licked a hot dog. Kevin: Yeah. No, no, no. Ruxin. My party, my balloons, my hot dog, my Oracle. So... Jenny: No, no, no, baby. What? What? No Freaky Friedman. Come on, honey. We don't need him. You got me. Okay. Okay? Can I have them both? No. Now go get the video camera. Hey. Hey. What's up, buddy? This is for you, Ellie. Happy birthday, princess. Yay, Taco. [SINGING] It's your birthday today What does that mean I guess I'll try to explain That five years ago on this day It was the first time Your parents saw your beautiful face And nine months before that magical day Your dad probably took Your mom out on a date And they were having a good time Can I get your info, maybe give you a shout at some point? Daughter's birthday. Kevin: Yeah. Daughter's birthday. Taco: Happy birthday Happy birthday Jenny: Seriously? And when they got home They were horny as hell And your dad threw your mom Down on the bed And he tore her panties off And his wee-wee was hard as a rock Wee-wee? And at this point Your mom wanted to give your dad head But your dad also wanted... Can you even hear this? So they formed a 69 And your mom came at least three times And then your dad was so excited To get inside your mom That he forgot to put a condom on And when he realized his... Jenny: Thank you, Taco. That was great. Kevin: Okay. Taco, thank you. Pete: Yay for Taco. Kevin: Yeah. Hey. Jenny: Hey. How are you? Do you need help? Jenny: No. Do you want some cake? No, do you need a drink? It's really good. No, we're actually trying, so I'm not drinking today. What? Yeah. Get out. No. Congrats. How long have you been trying? Just this past month. Wow, that's amazing. Two babies. That's just incredible. When the time in your life is right, that's when you should do it. You guys are at that spot. That's great. That's so funny. Our... It's... I feel like we're at the same spot. Jenny: Really? Yeah, and it's so funny, except for: You and Kevin were so smart, there was planning. Like, we're ready, we're gonna do it. Meegan: Planning? They have s*x all the time. Clearly Kevin doesn't have slow swimmers, does he? I might have a beer. We should have s*x more often, because someone... Can I ask you a question? How does a woman know that her husband has slow swimmers? Because obviously... It's like CSI. Gotta scoop it up. You pull out, I scoop it up. I clean up. I get to the bottom. I'm like a detective. Pete: Okay. Meegan: You know, I need to know. Maybe my swimmers wouldn't be so slow... if someone wasn't putting their finger in my ass while we're having s*x. Wow. Pete: I think that tends to... Whore. Attagirl. There you go. Good girl. Ruxin: When you've got the sixth pick in the draft, you don't have choices. Ruxin: When you've got the sixth pick in the draft, you don't have choices. First pick, Adrian Peterson. I mean, the guy has hammies that could literally pull a car. He's got these shoebox calves, that beautiful chestnut-black skin. I know that sounds weird. That's creepy. What does not sound weird is the help I will receive from my friend the Oracle. A 9-year-old who will work his testicle-free magic... Oh, my, God! to provide picks and the scientific precision... that will take me to the top and make this the year of the Ruxin. Stop. Just please stop talking. Go inside and be professional, do our jobs. Okay. Okay. No problem, Jenny. Kevin: She doesn't run my team. Mr. Gomez, how are we? Gomez: How you doing? Everything good? Yeah. Mr. Gomez, I represent the state. And we have what I believe is enough evidence to put you away for 10 years. Oh, no, no, no. Ernie's an innocent man. So he's not going away for any time. Did you do it? Of course not. There you go. Really? Really. Ernie, do you remember waving... at the surveillance cameras of all three liquor stores? We've got the videotape. "Hi, Mom. It's me, Ernesto." Your client's going away for 10 years. Unless... Unless? [WHISPERING] We swap first-round picks. Sidebar. Gomez: Unless? You can't take my number one. [IN NORMAL TONE] Give me the number one. I'm gonna give you my sixth pick in the draft, okay? And I'm gonna give your client seven years. I'm gonna knock it down from 10 to seven. For the number one pick... this man should be able to walk out the door, go on a crime spree... that would make Robert Blake cum in his pants. Then he should be able to go home, and have s*x with your wife... then be given a parade in his honor. He's kidding. Shh. Respect the sidebar, sir. Thank you. Listen, I'm doing you a favor here, okay? This is pro bono work for you. Listen, all I wanna say to you is this, I gotta do two of these cases a year. This man, guilty or innocent... can do no more than six years for third-round picks. It's not gonna happen, okay? It's first-round pick. What do you wanna do? He goes for five years. We swap first rounds. Pleasure doing business with you, sir. Gomez: Excuse me, sir. Excuse me. What was that? You're going away for five years, and I just lost Adrian Peterson. You had to go to the third liquor store? Just go to one. I stole a KitKat last week. Nobody knows. You keep it small. [SCENE_BREAK] Friedman: Hi. Hi, how are you? Good. Hey, can Matthew come out and play? No, Matthew's getting ready for bed. Just tell him Ruxin's here. Absolutely not. You know, I'll hook up with him online. No, you won't. No, you won't. Numb-nuts. What's up, Kevin? Where you been? You forgot the Shiva at my house. Maybe you should just hang onto it. I don't think I'm gonna play. Not gonna do your mind game. Take it back, bring it on Saturday. I'm gonna win it like a man. Pete: Look, Meegan and I had a talk... and to be honest I have so much work coming up to do. I gotta... It's gonna be super busy. Wait, you're not playing? I'm gonna be really busy, is what I'm saying. Yeah, everybody's busy with everything. Cave on everything else, okay. Don't cave on this. It's important. I can't do it this year. Okay. Pete: All right? I'm sorry. Look what I got. That's excellent. You see it? Yes. Enjoy it, man, enjoy it. Bang. That's where it stays. That's where she's gonna stay. Yeah, in the street. You're not gonna tempt me into... I'm gonna drive away. I'm walking back. Good enough. Pete: Going in the door. Kevin: I'm starting the car. Pete: Okay. Kevin: You see that? I'm really going. [SIGHS] Andre: Welcome to Chez Andre. [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] Gentlemen, take a look around... because this is how a single man in the city lives. A man with a 65-inch LED TV... with DirecTV, NFL Sunday Ticket... and Super Fan package. Whoo. Yes, it's college football right now. But next week, it will be NFL. And it will be pure Fantasy Football nirvana. Tiffany, drinks. Ladies. You hired bartenders? Andre: There you go. Taco: How you doing? Kevin: All right. Andre: I figured, you know... Can we just wait for a second? I figured we play Fantasy Football, but let's live a fantasy life. Gentlemen, to... Can we...? I'm gonna make a toast. This year I'd like to make a toast to you guys. To my friends. And to... Can we...? Can you hold on with your drinks for a second, please? Can we please wait? I'm making a toast. Ruxin: Sorry. Guys, guys. Andre: Just to good friends. And l... Don't cheers. Kevin: Cheers. Andre: I didn't even say it yet. All right. We're not drinking. Just doing this. Andre: I know, but let me say my thing. To my friends. To my dear friends. Kevin: Cheers. Andre: No, no, no. Come on. Come on. Kevin: What is this? Art? Andre: No, not art. Oh, Dr. Dre smokes the chronic? Andre: Bingo, Taco. All right. Right after graduation, you guys rolled me my first joint. That's it. I kept it. We got crazy. Kevin: Ruxin, you told me you told him. I never told him. How do you tell someone that? Tell me what? You know what is in that joint? Weed. No. No. Not weed. My pubic hairs. No, no, no. No, no, no. That was... Dude, you're messing with me, because I got high. I got wasted. How did you get high off of ball hair? What are you, sh1tting me? You seriously got high? Are you serious, this is your ball hair? It was not his ball hair. It was his lower-shaft hair. Yep, right by the root. You know what? Cheers. No, no cheers. Cheers. I could have gotten... No, no. Pete: What is this thing we're going to anyway? Meegan: It's called Down Doggie. Down Dog. Is it a yoga benefit? It's a charity event for dogs with Down syndrome. [PETE LAUGHING] Are you...? Oh, you're ser... I thought you were kidding. Sorry. How do they even tell the dog has Down syndrome? Seems like an arbitrary distinction. Don't know how... It's an epidemic. Pete: Okay. Sorry, I was messing around. It's a really good event for you to network. I'm gonna network. And if you network, just imagine. [DOORBELL RINGS] Brilliant. That's Theresa too, with my dry cleaning. Be a love and go fetch it for me. Okay. Brilliant. Hey, Theresa. Come on in. How you doing? [THERESA SPEAKING IN SPANISH] Where did you get that shirt? Mrs. Meegan. She gave it to me. She gave it to you? She says, "No more for you." Wow. For the third pick of the draft... The Double Ent-Andres pick Michael Turner. Running back. Was that necessary, the last part? But we can all take a lesson from Andre, please put your own picks on the board. I'm the commissioner, not the sticker bitch. Also, I wanna take this moment to talk about league fees. Guys, I need checks on time this year. Taco, okay? I need money. No Beanie Babies. No Camel Cash. No poems. Well, what about homemade hummus? No. All right, we got the four of us, the two out-of-town idiots are on auto draft. Vince is on the phone. Okay, enough, enough. I've heard enough, okay? You are stalling for Pete. It's his pick, where is he? I don't know. He's probably on his way. He's on his way? Kevin: Yeah. If he doesn't show up in the next ten seconds... I'm going to make his pick for him. And I think that Pete would want with his first pick... either a kicker, or the Detroit Lions' defense. Pete: No, no, no, Ruxin. Gentlemen, your champion has arrived. Bam. Oh, God. Ruxin: You're late. Kevin: Where have you been? I just paid my cleaning lady $200 for my own T-shirt. Goddamn it, I made it. I'm very happy to be here. Kevin: She doesn't look very good. No, she took a little beating. It might have been a garbage truck or some rabid squirrels or something. I'm glad she's here. I'm glad you're here. Okay, ladies, ladies. Make a pick, or get a room and rub dongs. Either way, let's get moving here. All right. Matt Forte. Who's next? When the life Grabs you Kevin: Oh, thank you. Taco: Look how nice that is. Thank you very much. Kevin: Taco, you're up. Your pick. Taco: You guys still thinking about football? Come on, man, just pick. Joffrey Reynolds. Who is Joffrey Reynolds? Running back. Calgary Stampeders. He's good. Kevin: Taco, it's NFL players only, okay. What's...? I don't understand. Ruxin: Understand me? Dude, great party, right? You guys having fun? Kevin: Yeah. Ruxin: Is this a draft? Who are these people? Andre: It's both. Just pick, Taco. Come on. Taco: Fine. Uh... "Darren Sproli." Kevin: Darren Sproles. Good pick. Good job. Darren Sproles? No, no, no. That's who I was gonna pick. Who cares? He picked Sproles. He could've picked Bill Shatner. He doesn't know the difference. Hello, is Matthew there? No, no, this isn't Ruxin. This is Dale Thompson. I am his Civics teacher. Paging To Catch a Predator. [LAUGHING] Kevin: Hey, Andre, you're up, man. Anyone pick Keyshawn Johnson? I'm sure he's been picked. How has he not been picked yet? Kevin: Don't know how he hasn't. Keyshawn, on the board. Pete: Done. Fine, Keyshawn Johnson. Andre: Keyshawn. Who wants to tell him about Keyshawn? Keyshawn Johnson retired like three years ago. There's the mistake. Ruxin: Yearly Andre mistake. Andre: No, no. Pete: He's retired. Put it on. No, I meant Chad Johnson. Ochocinco? Ochocinco? sh1t. Sorry about all the D-bags. I just... Pete: Hey, hold on a second. I'm sorry, did you just bring a 9-year-old to the party? No, I brought the Oracle to the party. Oracle: This party blows. Ruxin: Couldn't agree more. Why is he wearing your jersey? We worked out a deal. He gets my Manning Jersey, and I get a championship. What? Catch you on the rebound, frumpkins. Why are you going upstairs? To talk strategy, jealous? He got high off your pubes? His pubes, yeah. Off the root. Right off the bottom of the root. Andre: What's going on, man? Hey, Dr. No. Hey, heads up, man. My bush is getting a little thick. Wanna get baked? [LAUGHING] Deramo: Dumbest thing I've ever heard. Seventh round, Jay Cutler? No. Why? Young guy, new system. Guarantee he throws four picks in the first game. Okay. Larry Johnson? That's a great pick. Thank you. In '05. Sorry. Kevin: Taco? Taco, it's your pick. Come on. Aaron Rodgers. Yeah, what she said. Oh, no, no, no. Not on my bidet. Nicely done. Pete: Thanks for hosting, Andre. Good party. It's a good party, dude. I'm impressed. Andre: Glad that you came. Kevin: Yes. I'm glad that you decided to cave on some things. Look, good things happen when you do. Let me tell you, I know you're all in your head about kids. It's not that bad. We made Ellie into our little slave. We taught her how to mop. She's got the Mop & Glo. She's all over the place. It's awesome, trust me. Kevin, there's no caving, all right? Look, I bailed. What do you mean you bailed? I mean me and Meegan are done. It's over. You guys always are fighting. Yeah. Yeah, we fight all the time, that's the point. Friedman: Matthew. Hey. You, where's my son? Where's Ruxin? I think he's upstairs. Friedman: Damn. Matthew! [ANDRE LAUGHING] I don't feel like helping you. You haven't done anything. You told me not to draft Cutler. I'm wanna go home. You're not going with my jersey on. This is my jersey. We had a deal. No, no. We had a deal. This is my jersey. No. Ruxin: Take off that shirt. Give me the jersey back. What the hell are you doing to my son? Okay, this guy's being a total douche. Ruxin: Look, Antonio Gates or Jeremy Shockey? Friedman: Shush. You all are responsible for this. Hi, me from before. Just need to figure out this eighth round, tight end. Shut your mouth. You broke into my home, kidnapped my son. As an attorney, I don't see it that way. You sick pervert. Pete: Oh, Shiva. Friedman: Stay down. Ruxin: What about Kellen Winslow? I'll kill you. Ruxin: All right, all right. I'm just... Know what, I'll hit you guys up on Facebook. Another successful draft. Yeah, absolutely. Cheers. [TACO COUGHING] Yo, I tried smoking mine, it's not working. She doesn't have any. Kevin, hook a brother up, man. No.

The guys go to Kevin's house during Ellie's fifth birthday to determine the draft order, and later, Andre throws a party during the draft itself, at which Pete announces he is splitting from his wife.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_02x18

fd_One_Tree_Hill_02x18_0

LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill. [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - EVENING] (The front door opens to Taylor.) NATHAN: (Squinting) Do I know you? TAYLOR: (Standing in the rain, completely soaked.) Well you should, I'm your sister-in-law. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] (Nathan is standing with his arms crossed, glaring at Taylor.) NATHAN: We agreed to keep what happened between us a secret. TAYLOR: (Brushing him off.) Relax, Nathan, Haley doesn't have a clue. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE - EVENING] (Jake and Peyton are standing near her car, playing with Jenny.) NIKKI: (v.o) Jenny's mine now. (Shot of her smirking face.) Hand her over. JAKE: Forget it(!) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE - ANNA'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Anna is confessing to Felix.) ANNA: The rumours, they weren't rumours. (Close-up of Felix squinting.) ANNA: I'm gay(!) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - EVENING] (Brooke looks around at her belongings in Lucas' bedroom with astonishment.) BROOKE: This is all my stuff, I don't understand. LUCAS: I,... had my mom talk to your parents and they said that you could stay here till the summer. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (It's a little later and Brooke is getting settled in.) BROOKE: Thank you, Karen. You know you saved my life, right? KAREN: I'm not gonna make it easy on you and sometimes you're not gonna like me for it. (Brooke pulls Karen into a hug.) KAREN: (Shocked) Oh(!) BROOKE: (Pleased) It's just like having a real mom. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING] (Dan is messing around with something in the ceiling. Cut to Lucas, watching him secretly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY] (Nathan takes his wedding ring off and looks at it.) FADE TO BLACK: END OF PREVIOUSLY ON: OPENING CREDITS ROLL: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE ROAD - NATHAN'S CAR - DAY] (Nathan's still driving. His car passes the camera.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY] (Nathan's phone rings and he flips it open, looking at the screen. He's slightly confused as he speaks.) NATHAN: Hello? TAYLOR: (Through the phone.) Think fast, what's in a gin and tonic? NATHAN: (Frowning) Taylor? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GEROGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY] (Taylor is sitting at a bar, now a brunette.) TAYLOR: Can you believe two guys already fell for that one, today? Drunks are so easy(!) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY] NATHAN: Let me guess; you're in a bar. TAYLOR: (Through the phone.) Oh, not just any bar. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GEORGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY] TAYLOR: I will have you know, I am in Athens, Georgia at The famous Swinging Donkey. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY] NATHAN: What happened to Florida? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE ROAD - NATHAN'S CAR - DAY] (Nathan drives past.) TAYLOR: (Through the phone.) Oh, Florida's still there, I'm just not in it. (He drives past a sign saying: 'SLICKLIZZARD: POP. 112'.) TAYLOR: So, how bout you? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY] (Nathan glances at the sign.) NATHAN: Well, I think I just passed a place called Slicklizzard, Alabama. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GEROGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY] TAYLOR: Which means you went chasing after my sister. (Nods) Tell me she's sitting next to you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY] (Nathan pauses for a beat.) NATHAN: No, I'm afraid not. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GEORGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY] (Taylor is honestly saddened by the news.) TAYLOR: I'm sorry, Nathan. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY] (He looks at his wedding ring and shrugs stiffly.) NATHAN: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GEORGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY] (Music starts up and so does Taylor. She looks around and then back again.) TAYLOR: Listen, I gotta run. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY] NATHAN: What's going on? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GEROGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY] TAYLOR: Don't ask. (Smiles) I'll see you when I see you. (She hangs up the phone, jumps up and turns around.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY] (Nathan hangs up too and shuts his phone. He thinks before smiling slightly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - SIDE OF THE BUILDING - DAY] (Lucas, Peyton and Jake - who's carrying Jenny - walk around the side of Nathan's apartment building. Lucas has keys.) JAKE: You sure about this, Luke? LUCAS: (Looks back at Jake for a beat.) Yeah, trust me. I talked to Nathan before her left. He said it was OK. (Opens the door.) PEYTON: How's he doing anyway? (All three of them enter. Lucas looks at the mess and sighs.) PEYTON: Not so good, I guess. LUCAS: Yeah, well, I mean, I offered to clean this but it's a good place to hide out for the next couple of days. (Jake sets Jenny's carrier down on a table.) LUCAS: So, get settled(!) I gotta run over to the dealership before school. What time are you meeting with your lawyer today? JAKE: Oh, a couple of hours. (Lucas nods.) I'm sorry I had to drag you into this mess, I just, I couldn't involve my parents, you know? LUCAS: I told you; if you need me, call me. (Jake nods.) Alright? (Gives Peyton the keys.) See ya. (Lucas leaves and Peyton closes the door behind him with a sigh.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS (STOCK) - SIGN - DAY] (Shot of the sign and the building.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - DAY] (Lucas enters Dan's office, holding a folder. He slows down and looks up at the ceiling tile that Dan had his head stuck up the night before.) (Dan enters.) DAN: Hey, Lucas. What's up? LUCAS: (Turning quickly.) Oh,... (Looks down at the folder.) nothing. I'm just... dropping some papers off for you to sign. (Puts them on the desk.) DAN: (Smiling) Everything OK? LUCAS: Yeah, I guess I just didn't get much sleep last night. DAN: Yeah, I noticed you're up early. (Puts a folder on his desk.) Been working yourself pretty hard lately. (Looks at him pointedly.) LUCAS: (Evasively) I'll be fine. (Nods) DAN: ...I'll tell you what; take the day off tomorrow. Bet you haven't been to the Rivercourt in a few days. Don't wanna lose your stroke. LUCAS: (Shrugs) It has been a while. DAN: (Nods once) Done(!) I'm heading off to a meeting. I'll see ya later. (Dan walks away. Lucas watches him and walks to the doorway to make sure he's really going. When he's gone, Lucas shuts Dan's office door, drops the blinds over it and twists the ones at the window closed.) (He walks to Dan's desk and climbs it. Discreetly, he lifts the ceiling tile and looks around. He sees a gym bag and opens it. Inside is a lot of money and a notebook.) (Lucas flips through it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KAREN'S CAF (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAF - COUNTER - DAY] (Lucas is sitting at the counter with Andy.) ANDY: Cash? LUCAS: (Nods) ...Yeah. (Looks back to make sure that nobody's eavesdropping.) ANDY: How much? LUCAS: Too much to count while my head was in the ceiling. ANDY: Did you find anything else? LUCAS: There was a notebook in one of the bags. I didn't get a good look at it but it... looked like a ledger. ANDY: (Nodding) Makes sense. Gotta keep track of all the money. LUCAS: Yeah, but I'm just wondering; I mean, why keep it all in the ceiling. Why not keep it in a bank where it's safe? ANDY: Well, there's two reasons to hide money, Lucas. (Lucas nods.) Either you don't want Uncle Sam to know you have it, or you don't want him to know how you got it. (Lucas nods and thinks.) LUCAS: I gotta get that ledger. ANDY: (Quickly) No, you don't(!) LUCAS: Andy(!) (Andy looks away for a beat.) ANDY: We gotta get that ledger. (Lucas nods, smiling.) (A doorbell rings off-screen.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY] (Anna answers the door to a girl.) ANNA: (Shocked) Darby(!) DARBY: (Smiling) Hi, Anna. ANNA: (Trying to look pleased.) What're you doing here? DARBY: I got your e-mail. (Anna breaks eye contact.) Can I come in? (Anna looks behind but doesn't let Darby enter.) DARBY: (Still smiling) Or we could just... stand out here until someone sees us, starts some rumours and then you can move again. ANNA: Darby. DARBY: (Sincerely) I'm sorry. That wasn't funny. (Sadly) Maybe this was a bad idea. (Makes to leave.) ANNA: (Grabbing hold of her arm.) No(!) (Pause as they look at each other.) (Nodding) It's good to see you. Come on in. (Darby smiles and enters.) (Anna closes the door, her face set.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAWYER'S OFFICE - DAY] JAKE: (v.o) OK, look just... tell me what- [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LAWER'S OFFICE - DAY] (Jake and Peyton are sitting at the table with a lawyer.) JAKE: -is going on because there's no way that a judge would give Nikki custody of Jenny(!) LAWYER: (Sits back as Jake stands up.) Judge has already ruled. Jake, a warrant's been issued for your arrest(!) (Jake struggles with the facts.) Right now, the police are our there and they're looking for you and your daughter. Trust me,... trust me when I tell you this is your only option. (Jake looks at him and the lawyer sits back again.) JAKE: Can you just... tell me the truth here? (The lawyer nods.) If I give up my daughter today, how long until I get her back? How long until Jenny's safe? (Peyton looks at the lawyer expectantly.) LAWYER: (Sighs) ...Two months. Maybe three. (Jake moves away, scoffing and shaking his head.) JAKE: And if I don't give her up? LAWYER: You go to jail, and you stay there until you do. (Jake nods and looks away. He doesn't know what to do.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY] (Nathan walks up to the building.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - BAR - DAY] (Nathan walks up to the bar and smiles. Taylor is standing there with her back to him.) NATHAN: How bout a gin and tonic? (Taylor turns around and smiles.) TAYLOR: How bout I see some ID? (Nathan holds up his fake ID and puts it on the bar. Taylor laughs.) TAYLOR: So, what brings you to town, sailor? NATHAN: (Sighs) I just wanted to check out The Swinging Donkey; see if it's really as... classy as everybody says it is. TAYLOR: Hmm, what d'ya think? NATHAN: Not so much. (Taylor smiles.) NATHAN: But, it does have one thing I'm kinda craving. TAYLOR: (Gasps) I know, gin and tonic. (Takes a glass.) NATHAN: (Smirking) Yeah, that too. (Taylor smiles at him, which he returns.) TAYLOR: I guess my phone call worked. (Pours him a glass.) You staying the night? NATHAN: I don't know. Haven't thought that far ahead. TAYLOR: Well, I'm house-sitting the apartment upstairs. You're welcome to stay with me if you like. (Sets the glass in front of him.) (Nathan looks at her.) TAYLOR: What d'ya say? (Smiles at him.) NATHAN: Sounds like a plan. (Taylor smiles and puts a straw into his glass.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY] (Nikki is standing at Peyton's door and knocking. Peyton opens it. Nikki looks in, not so discreetly, to see if Jake's there.) PEYTON: Now why is it the garbage men always forget to pick up the white trash? NIKKI: I need to talk to Jake. PEYTON: (Amused) Right(!) NIKKI: No police, no lawyers, just me and Jake. The Rivercourt, six o'clock. (Peyton closes the door behind her and steps out onto the porch. She crosses her arms.) NIKKI: By the way,... the police are watching you right now. (Peyton raises her eyebrows.) And you should know, as long as you help Jake hide Jenny, you're an accessory. That means when you're caught with my daughter, you're gonna get arrested. But don't worry; you can always go to college after prison. (Smiles and walks away.) (Peyton watches her leave, slightly worried.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREETS - DAY] (Anna and Darby are walking through town.) ANNA: So, I guess you told everybody back at school. (Darby looks at her.) About us. DARBY: No. Just me. ANNA: How did people take it? DARBY: (Nods) It was pretty divided; still is I guess. (Looks at Anna pointedly.) Some people don't wanna be seen with me. That part sucks. But I guess you find out who your real friends are. (Anna looks away.) DARBY: Look, um,... you know, the truth is, Anna, there were some pretty dark days after you left... and it hasn't gotten much easier. But do I regret being with you? Coming out? No. (Smiles and shakes her head.) Not for a minute. (They smile at each other. Darby looks ahead and laughs.) DARBY: And you know what makes it always better? (Points) Vanilla lattes, extra foam. ANNA: (Points back.) A-you know, we should probably... head back. (Lucas comes around the corner and spots them.) LUCAS: Hey, Anna. ANNA: (Smiles tightly.) Hey, Lucas. Ha-oh, um,... (Points to Darby who isn't smiling.) um, this is... Darby. She's, um... Actually, Lucas, Darby's the girl I told you about. (Darby smiles.) ANNA: From my old school. LUCAS: Oh my God! I've heard so much about you. DARBY: Really? LUCAS: Yeah, you're different than I imagined, but... DARBY: Oh, thought I'd be more butch? LUCAS: OK, I didn't mean... DARBY: (Laughs) Just kidding. (Darby looks at Anna.) ANNA: Well, I was just giving Darby the Tree Hill grand tour, do you wanna tag along? LUCAS: I'd love to, but I gotta go meet someone so... call me tomorrow, OK? (Anna nods and smiles.) LUCAS: (Looking at Darby.) Pleasure to meet you, Darby. (Darby nods and Lucas leaves.) DARBY: So that's the famous Lucas, huh? ANNA: Mmm. DARBY: He's cute. (Takes her arm and they walk.) So who's the better kisser? (Anna laughs.) Me or him? ANNA: Stop(!) (They laugh and walk.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROE RESIDENCE (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Brooke is lying on her bed, flicking through a magazine. Bevin steps into the doorway. Brooke lowers the magazine as she looks up and smiles.) BROOKE: (Sits up, happily.) Bevin! Hi! BEVIN: I have always imagined this room, (Walks in and looks around.) just darker and with Lucas on the bed. (Brooke laughs.) BEVIN: Anyway, get dressed. BROOKE: What for? BEVIN: It's a surprise. BROOKE: I can't, I have to work. I promised Karen I'd help her out at the caf . BEVIN: Well, the cheer squad's throwing a party tonight and... (Bevin sits next to Brooke on the bed.) you kinda need to be there. The squad has some serious concerns, Brooke. Ever since you started this whole... presidency thing, you've been... drifting. BROOKE: (Looks away and sighs.) I am still your captain, OK? I promise. BEVIN: Then prove it. Please(!) We miss you. (Brooke struggles to say no.) BROOKE: Well, Karen did say she only needed me for a few hours so I guess I could do both. (Brooke looks at Bevin questioningly.) (Bevin smiles.) BROOKE: What do I wear to a cheer intervention anyway? (Bevin squeals happily and they get off the bed to find something to wear.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MOTEL - NIKKI'S ROOM - DAY] (Jake knocks on Nikki's door. She answers it.) NIKKI: (Shocked) Jake(!) How did you find me here? JAKE: Oh, I guess I'm just better at this than you are. You wanted to talk, let's talk. NIKKI: I told you to meet me at six o'clock, it's only five. JAKE: Like I'm gonna fall for that(!) NIKKI: Jake, look, you've gotta stop this; the hiding, all of it. (Pause) I have a right to my daughter(!) JAKE: (Shakes his head and shrugs.) You're not getting her. NIKKI: Fine, well, I guess it's time that I tell you something that, at the moment, is... kinda relevant. JAKE: (Straightens and crosses his arms.) OK, this should be good. (Waits) NIKKI: She's not your daughter. (Jake frowns.) NIKKI: Think about it,... we always used protection. (Jake stares at her for a while before scoffing.) JAKE: Nice try. (Shakes his head.) I guess it was just a matter of time before you thought of that one, huh? NIKKI: (Seriously) It's the truth. JAKE: No(!) This is the only truth, no matter what, Jenny is, and she will always be, my daughter. (He levels a glare at her.) I'm done here. (Jake walks away and Nikki watches him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - SIGN - EVENING] (Close-up of the neon sign of the bar. The camera slowly pans to the entrance.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - BAR - EVENING] (Taylor is pouring Nathan some alcohol.) TAYLOR: OK, get into the game, little girl(!) (Sets the bottle down.) I always knew you were a lightweight but this is getting embarrassing! NATHAN: (Mock offended.) I'm just warming up! TAYLOR: You've been warming up for the past two hours. Drag out of the bullpen and DO A SHOT! NATHAN: (Laughing) OK. (He nods at her and downs the contents of the shot glass. Taylor follows suit.) NATHAN: Ohh. (Groans) (Taylor laughs.) (Music starts up.) TAYLOR: Whew! NATHAN: How did you end up here? TAYLOR: What, at this dream job? I don't know, it's kinda what I do best. NATHAN: Bartending? TAYLOR: Find random places to party. Next week, it'll be someplace else. Lucky me(!) (Laughs) (Nathan smiles.) TAYLOR: You're not wearing your wedding ring. NATHAN: (Looks at his finger.) Neither is Haley. TAYLOR: Nathan, you should know that before I called you,- RANDOM GIRL: (o.s) Taylor, come on, we need you now! (Nathan and Taylor both turn to face the disembodied voice.) TAYLOR: We'll talk about this later, I gotta get to work(!) NATHAN: I thought you said your shift was over(!) TAYLOR: Somebody's gotta pay for these drinks(!) (Puts a cowboy hat on.) Something tells me you're gonna enjoy this. (Music starts up and Taylor climbs onto the bar, along with other girls. They start dancing in much the same way as 'Coyote Ugly'.) (The crowd cheers as they watch the bartenders. Nathan is enjoying it. Taylor takes a drink and a girls jumps off the bar and walks over to Nathan, putting a cowboy hat on him and dragging him off his stool.) (Nathan climbs onto the bar and the girls switch their attention onto him. The crowd claps and cheers. He's handed a glass which he drinks from. Nathan barely moves but they continue to dance around and with him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Brooke enters her bedroom quietly. Karen is already standing in the other doorway and flips the light on. Brooke turns to her and Karen stands there, her arms crossed.) BROOKE: (Smiling, slightly pissed.) Karen. Hi(!) KAREN: Did you have fun tonight? BROOKE: (Walks forward.) Not really(!) The party was kind of weak but I had to be there. Apparently I've been drifting. (Karen makes a motherly face.) KAREN: You been drinking? BROOKE: No, drifting. (Takes her coat off.) (Karen clears her throat and walks further into the room.) KAREN: No, Brooke, I'm asking you if you've been drinking tonight. BROOKE: (Slurring) ...Just a little. KAREN: I expected you at the caf . BROOKE: I know, I lost track of time. I'm sorry. KAREN: (Shaking her head.) Well, sorry isn't good enough(!) I advanced your salary and... I'd like you to return the money I gave you. BROOKE: (Long pause.) I... kind of spent it. (Karen sighs.) KAREN: Got to bed. You're grounded. BROOKE: Grounded?(!) (Laughs) I've never been grounded in my whole life(!) KAREN: Well there's a first time for everything. BROOKE: (Scowls) Well, you're not my mom. KAREN: No. (Shakes her head.) But right now, you're my responsibility. (Karen smiles and leaves.) BROOKE: (Quietly to herself.) But I was drifting. (Falls onto the bed, feeling a head-rush coming on.) (She smiles contentedly as she falls asleep.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - ENTRANCE - EVENING] (Shot of the security system. Lucas types in the code and presses enter. Andy is with him, keeping a watch out. Lucas takes out the keys and moves to the door.) ANDY: OK, are there any security cameras? LUCAS: Uh, no, just the alarm. (Andy nods and Lucas gets the door open. Andy follows Lucas inside. Everything is very dark and barely distinguishable.) ANDY: OK, remember what I said; in and out, we do this fast. LUCAS: (Whispering.) Yeah. (Lucas shines his torch on a wall as they round the corner. It falls on Dan and Lucas and Andy jump. It's just the cardboard cut-out of his grinning self.) (Lucas glares and lowers the torch, grumbling as he goes along. They enter the office.) ANDY: OK, just grab the ledger. I'll stay here and keep an eye out. (Waits by the door.) (Lucas lifts the ceiling tile and looks around. The place is empty.) ANDY: What've you got? LUCAS: It's gone(!) (The camera zooms in on Andy's face.) ANDY: What, the ledger? LUCAS: All of it(!) (Andy realises what that means. Lucas continues to search to no avail.) FADE TO BLACK: [SCENE_BREAK] COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ANDY'S CAR - STREETS - EVENING] (Andy and Lucas are sitting in the car. Lucas has a hand to his head, distressed that he lost it after being so close.) LUCAS: I don't understand. (Pause) It was right there a few hours ago. ANDY: Ah, he knows. (Throws his arm up.) Dan, he knows and he moved it. LUCAS: (Shakes his head.) So what do we do? ANDY: Oh, that's it, no, no, game over. LUCAS: So Dan wins? ANDY: As much as I would love to keep playing this little game with Dan, it just got serious. (Lucas shakes his head.) If he knows you found that money, there's no telling what he's gonna do. LUCAS: (Smirks) I'm his son, Andy. ANDY: And look what he just did to his brother! This guy's got no conscience, Lucas. (Sighs) I think it's time you move back in with your mother. LUCAS: I can't! (Looks at him.) Come on, Andy. We're so close(!) ANDY: (Sighs deeply.) You have to find out if I'm right, OK? If there's any chance that he's on to you, you have to get out. LUCAS: I will. I promise. ANDY: And one more thing; if your mother asks me anything about this, I'm not gonna lie to her. Understood? (The camera pans to Lucas as he nods. They both sigh.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROE RESIDENCE (STOCK) - DAY] (Camera pans down from the trees to show the house.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Brooke is sitting at her vanity, putting on some lipstick.) KAREN: (o.s) Brooke!? BROOKE: Yeah? (Karen enters the room.) KAREN: (Looks at all of Brooke's beauty things.) What's this? BROOKE: Just some stuff I ordered from the 'mark.' magalogue. Pretty great, huh? KAREN: Are you-are you going somewhere? BROOKE: Just out for a quick run, but you never know who you're gonna see. (Smiles) KAREN: Aren't you forgetting something? (Brooke looks down and spots it.) BROOKE: Lip-gloss(!) (Picks it up.) KAREN: Brooke, you're grounded(!) That means you don't get to head out for quick runs. BROOKE: Since when does grounding apply to fitness? KAREN: Since now. BROOKE: That's a little harsh, if you ask me. KAREN: I'm not asking. BROOKE: (Shrugs) OK, so what am I supposed to do here? KAREN: Lucas does chores. BROOKE: (Disbelieving) Chores? (Karen holds out a list to Brooke.) KAREN: Here's a list. (Brooke takes the list. There are nine to-do's on it. If Brooke follows it all, there'll be nothing left for Karen to do.) (Karen waits amusedly.) BROOKE: (Studying the list.) So what, I pick the one I wanna do? KAREN: Sure,... and after you've finished with it, keep on picking until they're all done. (Turns and walks to the door.) BROOKE: (Smiling) OK, no offence, I didn't come here to be a cleaning lady, lady. KAREN: Well, then,... I'll help you pack your bags and we'll call your folks. BROOKE: So I'm, like, imprisoned here? KAREN: You can leave the house to go to school and to go to work. BROOKE: What work? I don't even have a job(!) KAREN: Oh, but you do have a job. Until you pay me back the money I gave you, you have a job at the caf . (Karen smiles and leaves. Brooke turns to face her mirror, gaping. She pouts and examines the list.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL (EST) - DAY] (Students walk around the grounds.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - WHITEY'S OFFICE - DAY] (Shot of the doorway as Lucas appears in it.) LUCAS: (Sighs) You wanted to see me, coach? (Cut to Whitey leaning on his desk and Peyton, sitting in a chair opposite him.) WHITEY: (Indicates Peyton.) Take a seat next to your partner in crime here. (Lucas looks at Peyton who smiles tightly at him. He walks in slowly and sits down.) WHITEY: (Stops leaning on the desk and approaches them.) Well now, Bonnie and Clyde, (Peyton laughs nervously.) I guess you're wondering why I called you here. (Peyton and Lucas look at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - DAY] (The door opens and Lucas enters.) JAKE: (Gets up from the counter.) Hey, Luke, I was just actually- (He pauses as he sees Whitey enter behind Lucas. He doesn't say anything, just glares lightly.) LUCAS: He just... wants to talk to you for a minute, Jake. (Jake gets it. Looking annoyed, he breaks eye contact and nods his head.) LUCAS: I'll leave you two alone. (Backs out of the apartment and closes the door behind him.) JAKE: I already know my options, coach. WHITEY: (Walks forward.) From what I've heard, you've only got one option. JAKE: I can't give her away(!) WHITEY: (Laughs) Son, you've got a good chance of getting her back. JAKE: I can't take chances like that. WHITEY: (His smile falls.) It beats the alternative, doesn't it? JAKE: Does it? (Whitey doesn't reply and Jake turns away. Whitey sits in a stool and takes his cap off while Jake opens the fridge and takes out bottles.) JAKE: (Turning back.) Coach, you remember last year? (Hands a bottle to him.) Beginning of the season? (Sits down.) We had that away game at Bear Creek? WHITEY: (Nods) Yeah, I remember. JAKE: It was right after Jenny was born... and my parents were out of town all week, I couldn't watch her, so... I decided to let Nikki have her, for the night. (Whitey nods.) JAKE: So I get home from the game and I call Nikki; there's no answer. I go to her house and she's not home. So I,... I looked everywhere, I called her friends. Then finally, after about an hour, I find her car and it's parked across the street from some bar. (Whitey looks down.) Nikki was passed out in the front seat, the keys were still in the ignition and there was frost all over the windows; I couldn't even see her... and then I look in the back seat,... and there she is, my little girl. (Whitey looks down.) JAKE: She's shivering. She didn't even have a blanket on her, coach. WHITEY: Jake, I- JAKE: One night. (Whitey looks up.) All she had to do was look after Jenny for one night. She couldn't do it. (Pause) And now they want me to give her my daughter for three months... worth of nights? (Whitey sighs. Jake's made his point and it can't be argued with. Jake keeps an eye on Whitey as he takes a drink from the bottle of water and shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE - ANNA'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Anna enters her bedroom with Darby.) DARBY: So how'd it feel when you came out to Lucas? ANNA: Terrible(!) Scary. Still feels scary. (Darby nods.) ANNA: What about you? When you told your parents. DARBY: Huh, well, uh, (Sits on Anna's bed.) believe it or not, I practised in the mirror first. And then when I thought I had it all memorised, (Anna sits too.) I went downstairs, took a deep breath, and I told them I loved them very much but I had something I needed to tell them about myself. ANNA: How did they take it? DARBY: Honesty? Not as well as I'd hoped. I think they're still trying to process how it affects their lives. ANNA: What d'ya mean? DARBY: Well, um, I read this book about coming out, and it said that for some parents, finding out your child is gay is like losing a loved one. All the dreams they might have had just vanish; (Pause) no weddings, grandchildren. (Pause) So I think when I told them, I shattered some of those dreams for them. (Anna looks down.) ANNA: Yeah. DARBY: Even though things are still kinda weird, I don't think I've ever been closer to them. (Smiles) Coz at the end of the day, (Sighs) I know they still love me. (Anna shakes her head slightly.) DARBY: I know that... that's what worried me the most. (She's almost crying.) That they wouldn't... ANNA: Well you're braver than me, Darby. DARBY: No I'm not. (Pause) Look,... I didn't come here to get you to come out to your parents. I came here to help you understand that when you finally do, you're gonna be OK. (Darby gets off the bed and smiles.) DARBY: I'm gonna go. Long drive. (Anna stands.) ANNA: I'm glad you came. DARBY: Yeah, (Nods) me too. (Pause) I miss you. (Anna looks down but doesn't say it back. They hug and Darby kisses her on the cheek before leaving.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR (EST) - EVENING] (People are milling around outside the bar.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - GAMES - EVENING] (Nathan and Taylor are standing in front of an arcade type basketball game. He throws the ball and it goes through the hoop.) TAYLOR: So this is you're 'A' game, huh? (She throws a ball and misses.) NATHAN: You know what my dad always told me? Forget about practice; as long as you come to play, (Taylor shoots again and gets it in this time.) on game day when the stakes are high, odds are you'll come out a winner. Last time was just a practice round. (They both throw balls.) TAYLOR: Since when are you taking advice from your dad? NATHAN: (Smiles) I know, alright. But if there's one thing he knows about, it's winning. (He picks up a ball and throws it again, then watches as it hits the floor.) TAYLOR: OK, so what are the stakes tonight? NATHAN: Well, (Tosses the balls between his hands.) if I make this shot, (Taylor nods.) we go upstairs. TAYLOR: (Studies him.) And do what? NATHAN: Whatever I want. TAYLOR: And if you miss? (Nathan just throws the ball and watches it go through the hoop.) NATHAN: Let's go. (Taylor laughs as they leave.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - APARTMENT - EVENING] (Nathan and Taylor enter the apartment. Nathan takes her hand and pushes her up against the wall. He is extremely close to kissing her before he stops and hits the wall behind her lightly.) NATHAN: I can't do this. (Taylor looks at him.) TAYLOR: Because of Haley? NATHAN: No. (Pause) Because of me. TAYLOR: ...Haley called me;... right after you left Austin. (Nathan stops leaning on the wall and assesses her.) NATHAN: Were you planning on telling me this before or after we had s*x? TAYLOR: We weren't gonna have s*x, Nathan. I knew that; I was just waiting for you to figure it out. NATHAN: (Nods) Oh,... so what, you're like my, uh,... my guardian angel? TAYLOR: (Shakes her head.) No, it's not that. It's just,... you're lost,... and lonely, and I'm pretty good at making people forget how lonely they really are. NATHAN: (Smirking) Right,... that's a nice way of describing what you're really good at. TAYLOR: (Visibly hurt.) Sleep if off, Nathan. You have a long drive tomorrow. NATHAN: What're you gonna do? TAYLOR: Apparently, what I do best. (She opens the door and walks out.) (Nathan closes his eyes and sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING] (Shot of a piece of paper going through the shredder. It's an invoice on a used vehicle purchase. Lucas is walking down the hall and hears the noise of the shredder. He looks into the room and Dan sees him.) DAN: (Discreetly stopping the shredding.) Hey, Lucas, come on in. (He stuffs the rest of the papers into a blank folder.) LUCAS: Uh, hey, um, (Holds a book up and enters.) I was just,... returning a book. DAN: What you got there? (Holds out his hand.) (Lucas hands it over.) DAN: Oh, 'The Hound of the Baskervilles'. Sherlock Holmes. Since when're you a fan of Arthur Conan Doyle? LUCAS: (Shrugs) Since I can remember. (Dan puts the folder into a drawer.) LUCAS: Every kid wants to be Sherlock Holmes at some point. (Has a glint in his eye.) DAN: Well, not me. (Sits down.) I was always partial to Professor Moriarty. LUCAS: (Amused) ...You do realise he was the villain. DAN: That's one interpretation. (Smirks) (Lucas nods.) LUCAS: Well, um,... thanks for letting me borrow it. (Sets the book down and turns away, leaving the office.) (Dan eyes his retreating back with a smirk.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - THE KITCHEN - EVENING] (Brooke is on her knees, cleaning the floor of the kitchen with a sponge. Lucas enters, sees her and pauses; watching her amusedly.) LUCAS: Hey, Cinderella. (Brooke looks at him.) LUCAS: (Laughs) You hanging in there? BROOKE: (Sighs) I take it you've heard. LUCAS: Well, my mom can crack the whip. BROOKE: I can't believe she actually grounded me. I thought she liked me. LUCAS: Oh, Brooke, she does like you. Hey, she cares enough about you to ground you. (Brooke scoffs. Lucas grins and shakes his head.) LUCAS: (Walking over to look at the list.) So what number are you up to, huh? Three? BROOKE: Four(!) Mop the kitchen floor. LUCAS: (Laughs quietly.) And you're using a sponge? BROOKE: (Looks at him slowly.) Is that wrong? (Lucas laughs louder and walks around to the kitchen door. Brooke straightens up.) LUCAS: (Takes the mops and brings it around.) OK,... Brooke, (Sets the mop in front of him.) this is a mop. (Brooke looks at it quizzically.) LUCAS: (Still highly amused.) Look, I'll tell you what, alright; you take the evens, I'll take the odds. And I'll bet we can bust this out in like... half hour. (Brooke inclines her head, gratefully.) BROOKE: Thanks, Luke. LUCAS: (Smiles) Anything for you. (Brooke's expression changes slightly but she still doesn't get it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE (EST) - EVENING] ANNA: (v.o) Mom,... dad- [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE - ANNA'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Anna is standing in front of her mirror, talking into it.) ANNA: -you know I love you... but there's something I have to tell you about myself. (She's finding it hard to continue.) When I asked if we could move here, I told you it was because I couldn't take the rumours... but really,... I was just running away from my life. (The camera is closing in slowly.) ANNA: From who I am. (Pause) Because,... the rumours,... they were all true. I like girls. You've always taught me to be proud of who I am. That's not so easy for me because... I haven't been able to accept who I am. (Pause) Until now. (The camera pans so that it's looking at Anna, not her reflection.) ANNA: And I want you to know that this is hard for me... because I love you so much... and I never wanna disappoint you. (The camera zooms out to show Anna's parents are there, blurry, but listening and taking in every word.) ANNA: (Nods) But I have to stop disappointing myself, too. And,... I just... (Nods) I hope you still love me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Jenny is in her carrier. Jake hovers above her.) JAKE: Hey, beautiful. I have to do something tonight. And I need you to know that I have searched from the bottom of my heart and I truly believe that this is the best thing for you. For us. (Peyton is standing behind them.) JAKE: I just hope that some day, you'll be able to understand that. (Peyton looks away.) (Jenny makes a noise and Jake kisses her on the cheek. She starts playing on her own as he stands and turns to Peyton.) PEYTON: You're leaving?! JAKE: (Nods) I'm sorry, Peyton. PEYTON: No, I'll go with you. JAKE: No(!) No, you can't. PEYTON: (Distraught) We can be together(!) JAKE: Yeah, I wish we could... (Indicates Jenny.) PEYTON: (Tears in her eyes.) Well then at least tell me where you're going(!) Please(!) Maybe I can help. JAKE: I can't (Gestures) tell you right now. But h-I need y-I need you to know something. I-look, I've never been happier than when I'm with you. OK, I've never... felt this much of... everything. (Peyton looks away.) And if I could, I would stay with you here forever. (Peyton struggles to let him go.) JAKE: But I just can't. (They kiss.) JAKE: You're the only person I can truly count on. (Peyton looks at him.) JAKE: That's why I need you to do one last thing for me. (Peyton considers for a beat before nodding. She smiles sadly at him and he hugs her.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - THE SIGN - DAY] (The camera pans down from the sign and to the side walk. Taylor exits from the bar.) TAYLOR: Sneaking away without saying goodbye? That's original. (Nathan is packing the boot of his car.) NATHAN: (Shuts the boot and takes the keys out.) I, uh,... didn't think you'd wanna see me. (Taylor nods.) NATHAN: I'm really sorry, Taylor, for what I said. How I acted. TAYLOR: It's OK. You get one free pass with me. Next time, watch your back. (Smiles) NATHAN: (Grins) I had fun, though,... before that. TAYLOR: I know you did. (Pause) But after a while, all the parties just... blend together. You know, sometimes I just wish I could start over. NATHAN: (Smiles) You can. We all can, right? TAYLOR: ...Not me. Once people think of you a certain way, you're never gonna be able to change their minds. I am who I am and I have to live with that. (Pause) But you, nobody's put a label on you yet. You can still be whoever you wanna be. NATHAN: Without Haley. (He looks saddened.) TAYLOR: If she's not gonna be there for you, you have to start being there for yourself. NATHAN: (Putting on a brave face.) I don't know if I can. TAYLOR: You can(!) (Nods) And you will, just... wake up every morning and live your life. NATHAN: What happens if she comes back? TAYLOR: Well, then, it'll be your decision. (Smiles) (She walks forward.) TAYLOR: Get home safe, Nathan. (Hugs him.) Try not to go dancing on any bars. NATHAN: (Seriously) I won't if you won't. (Taylor smiles but it falls as she considers. She nods. Nathan gets into the car. Taylor sighs as she contemplates her life.) (Nathan drives off and Taylor watches him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL POLICE STATION - ENTRANCE - DAY] (Jake enters the station slowly. Phones ring and policemen are just hanging around. Jake walks up to the desk and a cop, looking through a red folder, acknowledges him.) COP: Can I help you? JAKE: Yeah, I'm Jake Jagielski. There's a warrant out for my arrest. (He nods and looks down.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY] (Anna walks up to the front door and knocks. Lucas answers the door and shuts it behind him.) LUCAS: Hey, Anna, what's up? ANNA: Um,... I told my parents. LUCAS: You told them?(!) (Anna nods, smiling.) LUCAS: That's huge! How'd they take it? ANNA: Um,... I'm not sure, really. They, they cried a lot (Lucas nods understandingly.) but,... I think it was just because they were trying to understand,... then, when I was finished, (Smiles) they told me they loved me. Which is all I really wanted to hear. LUCAS: I am... so proud of you, Anna. ANNA: There's more; I told my parents that... they always taught me to be proud of myself (Lucas smiles and nods.) and the only way for me to do that is... if I go back to my boarding school and finally be who I am. LUCAS: (The smile's gone.) Oh,... does that mean you're leaving? (Anna nods.) ANNA: Yes. (Pause) I wanted to stop in and see Peyton, but,... she's got enough to deal with right now. Tell her I'll call her soon? LUCAS: I will. (Anna smiles and nods, waiting for him to say something else.) I am gonna miss you so much. (Anna smiles happily.) LUCAS: You've been a great friend. ANNA: You, too. I'm a better person for knowing you, Luke. (Lucas laughs at the immense compliment. He hugs her.) LUCAS: How bout one last game of horse, huh? ANNA: (Smiles up at him.) That sounds perfect. (He laughs and they walk onto the court where a basketball is just waiting for them; on the wet ground. He picks up the ball and looks at her before throwing it and watching it go through the hoop.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAF - DINING AREA - DAY] (The bell rings and the door opens. Bevin rushes in in her heels.) BEVIN: (Holding up a flier for a party.) Tell me you love me. (Brooke looks at her, puzzled.) And tell me you did not just touch that half eaten bagel. BROOKE: No, I don't; (Shoves the plate under her nose.) yeees, I did. (Bevin fends her off.) BROOKE: (Smiling) And why are you waving that thing around in my face? BEVIN: Because it happens to be an invitation to the biggest party of the year. BROOKE: Thanks, but I think I'll pass. And for the record, there have been, like, six 'biggest parties' of the year this month, so get a new rating system. BEVIN: But this one is a 'can't miss'. BROOKE: And so was the last one. BEVIN: No, the last one was a 'shouldn't miss'. (Holds out the paper.) Just look at the invitation and I won't say another word. (Brooke takes the flier and gapes.) BROOKE: This is a 'Courtney Ryan' party. This is a 'can't miss'(!) BEVIN: Told ya. The party starts at, like, nine so meet us there around... eleven thirty? (She turns to leave and Brooke has a silent squealing moment.) Oh, and Brooke, (Brooke waits.) welcome back. (Exits) (Brooke quickly clears the dirty dishes away. She completely misses the fact that Karen's standing there, having witnessed the entire scene.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - DAY] (Lucas is walking past Dan's office when Dan calls to him.) DAN: Lucas! (Lucas stops and turns into the office, seeing somebody up a ladder, fitting something to the wall.) DAN: Come on in. (Lucas watches the guy fitting a camera to the wall.) LUCAS: What's all this? DAN: I thought it was time to upgrade the security system. Too many people know the pass-code to the main alarm. LUCAS: (Nods) Oh, that's a good idea. (Crosses his arms.) DAN: Besides, (Smirks) outside of the family, you never know who you can trust these days. (Lucas squints.) DAN: I got you something. (Holds out a book to him.) (Lucas takes it from him. It's a book titled: 'MEMOIRS OF SHERLOCK HOLMES: A. CONAN DOYLE') DAN: Thought you'd like it since you're into Sherlock Holmes. I marked my favourite story for you. (Lucas opens it at the page. It's chapter 13 'The Final Problem'.) DAN: Have you read that one? LUCAS: Yeah, a long time ago. DAN: It wasn't very popular with the fans, but,... I think it's some of Doyle's most honest work. LUCAS: Why's that? DAN: (Stands) Because he wrote what he was feeling. He got tired of writing that character; The Snoop. All the sneaking around... all the deception. (Lucas is very aware that Dan knows about what he and Andy got up to.) But he knew when it was time to end it. That's why, in the end, the great Sherlock Holmes falls to his death. LUCAS: Well, I think maybe you missed the point. DAN: (Smirking) Did I? LUCAS: When Sherlock Holmes falls off the cliff, he pulls... Professor Moriarty down with him. (They smirk each other down.) You see, he sacrificed himself to bring down the bad guy. (Dan smirks some more.) That's the point I think Doyle was trying to make. DAN: (Smiles and turns around.) Well, like I said, that's one interpretation. (Lucas turns to leave.) DAN: Hey, Lucas. (Lucas stops and turns back.) DAN: (Looks up at the camera.) I'll be seeing you. (Lucas looks at the camera and leaves. Dan smirks. Lucas looks back once, still continuing on his way.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE - ANNA'S CAR - DAY] (Shot of the side of Anna's car.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANNA'S CAR - DAY] (Anna looks into the mirror and adjusts it. She looks at herself and sighs.) ANNA: Ready? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE STREETS - ANNA'S CAR - DAY] (Anna drives off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY] (Jake is sitting there.) COP: Jake Jagielski, you have the right to remain silent. (Jake stands and closes his eyes. Another cop behind him puts handcuffs on him. He nods and looks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY] (Peyton opens the front door to two police officers and Nikki.) COP 1: (Handing Peyton a search warrant.) Ma'am, we have a warrant to search the property. (They enter without being invited.) COP: (v.o) Anything you say may be used against you in the court of law. (Nikki smiles smugly at Peyton. They approach Jenny's carrier and the first cop pulls back the blanket. Inside, is a basketball and clue blanket.) (Peyton smirks as Nikki's smile falls.) COP 1: (v.o) You have the right to have an attorney present during questioning (Nikki looks at her.) now, or in the future. (Nikki stomps out.) COP 1: (v.o) If you can not afford an attorney,... one will be appointed to you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY] (Jake is still looking at the cop.) COP: Do you understand your rights as I have explained them to you? JAKE: (Thinks for a beat before nodding.) I do. (The first cop looks at him while two others take him away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - EVENING] (Karen enters the kitchen to find Brooke at the sink, washing the dishes.) KAREN: (Pleased) Brooke, you're home. BROOKE: (Shrugs) Yeah, I'm grounded, remember? KAREN: (Considers) Not anymore. I think you've learned your lesson. (Smiles and exits the kitchen.) (Brooke smiles and nods as she continues to wash the dishes.) FADE

On his way home from seeing Haley, Nathan stops to visit Taylor hoping for some fun and maybe more. Meanwhile, Anna gets a surprise visit from her ex-girlfriend and is inspired to tell her parents about her sexuality. Lucas works with Andy to bring Dan down, Karen puts her foot down with Brooke. Peyton and Jake continue to hide Jenny from Nicki. This episode is named after a song by Frank Sinatra .

fd_The_Good_Wife_06x03

fd_The_Good_Wife_06x03_0

(Phones ringing, indistinct chatter) No, that's not what he said. No, it's not. Because it isn't. No, I... (Grumbles) Look... No. Listen, I have to go. (Hangs up) You can sit. Mr. Agos... A-gos? Agos. Agos Mr. Agos, I am your pretrial service officer Joy Grubick You've been released on bond. You are waiting trial. And your release has come with certain conditions. My job is to see to it that you live up to those conditions and to report to the court on your compliance. Do you understand? I do. In my supervisory capacity, I will regularly meet with you, your lawyer, your employer, and other collateral witnesses to ascertain your fitness for continued bond release. Hmm? You are currently employed? I am. I-I don't see any entry for direct supervisory employer here. Yeah, I don't really have an employer. I'm a partner at my law firm. I need a name. Um... Alicia Florrick. My other partner. You need any information on drug or alcohol treatment programs while subject to release? No. Have you uesd any controlled substances since your release? No. Have you partaken of any alcoholic beverages? Mm, no... a beer. One beer? Yes. And... When did you consume this beer? Uh, after my release. There was a celebration with a few coworkers. (Both exhale) Mm... was this at a bar? No, at my apartment. You said this was a celebration with a few people. And who were they? Oh. You want to know their names? Yes. Actually, it was probably just one. I need a name. Kalinda. Sharma. How is your hand? Although you are not explicitly forbidden alcohol, we would advise against any triggers for abuse. I understand. (Phones ringing, indistinct chatter) Joy: How are you handling your release, Mr. Agos? How am I handling it? Fine, I guess. I wasn't in that long. Any disagreements at work? Dean: We need more space. I can't bring my clients here. Alicia: We're already overextended. We can't just... All right, everyone stop. No, everything went well. Well, how's your employer handling your return? Alicia? That is the heart and soul of Lockhart/Gardner. We took their six top department heads. Why are you screwing this u... She handled it very well. A condition of your bail is that you inform your clients of your current status. Have you done so, either by letter or in person? Yes, in person. And what did you say? Two weeks ago I was arrested for transporting $1.3 million in heroin. Um... obviously, I didn't do it. Alicia: In fact, we think that the state's attorney brought these charges because Cary is such an effective advocate. I still plan to be involved with all my cases, but we also have other attorneys who are willing to step in. We don't want any interruption in your service. We want to keep you as a client. So what do you think, Mr. Clay? And did you lose any clients after informing them of your status? Yeah, a few. How many? Four. And who have you retained? Cary, I had some issues in my youth. Stole a car. Went for a joyride, crashed into some barbed wire. I was in jail for four months. That's where I turned my life around. Forgiveness isn't just a nicety to me, it's my life. So, yes, I want you to stay on my case. Thank you. Thank you, Ed. Dean? (Door opens) Mr. Pratt. Dean Levine-Wilkins. Good to meet you. Nice to meet you. Dean and I will argue in court, but purely under Cary's supervision. Good. (Indistinct chatter over loudspeaker) Yes, I know you have to get back to court. Mr. Agos, let me give you some advice. I do this because I care. I know it doesn't sound like it, but that's just the way I talk. You can't live life the way you used to. You can't just have a beer. You can't just associate with your old friends. You need to treat this seriously or you will end up behind bars again. You understand? I think I do. Good. See you next week. Dean: What is this, Mr. Pratt? It's a seed. A seed. A seed with a genetic protective shell? Pratt: Yes. Our scientists call it a full metal jacket. A full metal jacket. Objection. We all heard, including his honor. Again, the defense attorney is abusing his objections. You're objecting to my objections? You know what you're doing... (All clamoring) Judge: Stop it, everybody stop! The objection is overruled. Let's go, Mr. Schmidt. I mean, Mr... You. Thank you, Your Honor. Mr. Pratt, you're a farmer yourself, aren't you? I am. My dad, too. Four generations. And that's why you started the company? Yes. We wanted to create a seed that could genetically withstand whatever nature threw at it. Okay, so how much did it cost to develop this seed? This seed here? $400 million. $400 million. Well, then why are you suing Mr. Keller? He's a farmer just like yourself, isn't he? Patent infringement. We received a tip he was brown-bagging. Dean: I'm sorry... brown-bagging? Uh, saving and replanting seeds from his harvest. Okay, the supreme court held in J.E.M. Ag Supply v. Pioneer that saving patented seeds is illegal? It's my own seed. On my own land. Alicia: Your Honor. Your Honor... He's simply stating the obvious. He can state the obvious when you're questioning him... Mr. Levine-Wilkins has yet to even establish... (Gavel banging, attorneys arguing) Shut up! We're taking a five-minute recess. Cary: Alicia, watch it with Ed. I don't think he likes all the fighting. It's just bluster. I know that, but he doesn't. Schmidt: Mr. Pratt, do you have a monopoly on seed distribution in Kane County, Illinois? I don't know if I'd call it a monopoly. My seeds are very popular. Isn't my client the only farmer in Kane who doesn't use your seeds? Yes, I think that's right. And that makes him a target? Objection, Your Honor. Argumentative. Sustained. Move on, Mr. Schmidt. Schmidt: Thank you. I have here a chart from the National Weather Service. Can you tell me what it shows? Wind speed and wind direction. Good. Now, every farm surrounding Mr. Keller's land uses your seeds, so isn't it possible that these high winds blew your patented seeds onto my client's field? Alicia: Objection. Calls for speculation. If Mr. Schmidt wants to question a meteorologist, then bring in a meteorologist. Glatt: Sustained. Move on, Mr. Schmidt. Diane: I have some good news. And some bad news? No, just... good news. You're so tense. The state's attorney lost its witness against you. What? The confidential informant on Bishop's crew... The one wearing the wire. He was the cornerstone of the case. And they lost him. How did they lose him? I have no idea. He just went missing. He was scared of testifying. But without him, the state's attorney has no case. It's not over yet. The ASA is asking for a continuance at 2:00. But I-I do think the judge will dismiss. So don't lose hope. Did Bishop get to him? The C.I... Did Bishop get to him? Oh, I don't think he knew about him. Anyway, I've got to go. I'll see you at 2:00. Thank you, Diane. You said they had a C.I. with a wire. Yeah. I think that's gonna take care of itself. Alicia: It's because you know you have no case. Glatt: I see you've forgotten the rules of questioning! You three get so excited about winning arguments, you forget the point! Mrs. Florrick. Alicia: Thank you, Your Honor. Mrs. Toms, is that man over there a customer at your feed and seed store? Toms: Yes, ma'am. He bought our non-GMO seeds. He wasn't anti-GMO or anything, just... He said he didn't want to pay big prices. And did he stop buying these seeds in 2012? Yeah. He told my husband... Objection, Your Honor. Hearsay. Dean: 804 exception, Your Honor. Declarant is unavailable. Mrs. Toms' husband is deceased. Schmidt: That doesn't make any difference. Glatt: Wait. Wait. Mrs. Toms, did Mr. Keller ever discuss with you directly why he stopped buying seeds? Toms: No. Then I sustain the objection. Dean: Your Honor, this is ridiculous. Schmidt: What's ridiculous is Mrs. Florrick not being able to accept a loss... (Gavel banging, attorneys arguing) Glatt: Hey! Shut up! It's just better to give them a foregone conclusion. Cary: What foregone conclusion? Cary... this isn't working for us. What isn't? The trial. Sir, you should be talking to your own lawyer. That's the problem. It's about the lawyers, not us. Wendell is my neighbor. I have a disagreement with him, not with you all. My wife just called an arbitrator. He can start with us immediately. Well, Ed, arbitration is exactly like court. Just as binding, just as... This is different. Welcome to binding Christian arbitration. My name is Del Paul. Mr. Pratt and Mr. Keller have requested this forum because they believe there is a better way than the adversarial approach of blame and denial. It's called the Matthew process. And yes, lawyers, that is a real thing. Jesus tells us: If your brother sins, go and point out his fault, just between the two of you. And if he doesn't listen, take one or two others along so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. So, why don't we begin? Let us pray. Lord, we thank you for this day, and we thank you for these professionals who just want to see justice done. Schmidt: Mr. Pratt, do you have a monopoly on seed distribution in Kane County, Illinois? Well, I don't know if I'd call it a monopoly. My seeds are very popular. Isn't my client the only farmer in Kane who doesn't use your seeds? Yes, I think that's right. And that makes him a target? Objection. Argumentative. Come on. Go ahead, you can answer. Uh, sorry, sir, but the question was inflammatory. No. I think he can handle it. Go ahead. Pratt: Wendell is only a target in the sense that if people take my seed without paying, I would go out of business. Schmidt: I have here a chart from the National Weather Service. Can you tell me what it shows? Pratt: Wind speed, wind direction. Schmidt: Isn't it possible these high winds blew your patented seed onto my client's field? Objection. Calls for speculation. If you want to question a meteorologist, Mr. Schmidt, do so. Del. (Laughs) I'm feeling a little attacked here. Paul: Look, every answer will only get us closer to the truth. So, let's just answer honestly. Okay, Your Honor... Uh, Del, that is an improper question. It seems proper to me. Not for a layman, or a non-meteorologist. But Mr. Pratt must have an opinion. We all do. So, let's just hear his. Well, sure, it's possible. Schmidt: It's possible high winds blew your seed onto my client's land? Sure. Well, if that's true, isn't it possible this seed on his land is just... part of God's plan? Oh. (Loud, overlapping shouting) Diane: Without their confidential informant, Your Honor, the state's attorney's office has no case. We have a recording of the defendant perpetrating this crime. Allegedly perpetrating. And my client has a Sixth Amendment right to confront his accuser. Which presupposes that Trey Wagner is our only witness. Is he? No. Petrov: Ah, here's the accused now. Come join us in the lovely bond court. My apologies, Your Honor. I was in court on another matter. Diane: The fact that the ASA has requested a delay in preliminary suggests that he has no evidence other than this one witness. I'm afraid that Ms. Lockhart has been misinformed about our motion. We're not asking for a delay in preliminary. We're asking for revocation of bail. Diane: Your Honor, this is... What has Mr. Agos ever done to warrant revocation of bail? The day that Mr. Agos was released from holding, the primary witness against him, Trey Wagner, disappeared. Diane: That is completely irrelevant. We have evidence Mr. Agos intimidated the witness. What evidence? A report from his pretrial services officer that he met with Kalinda Sharma after his release. Kalinda Sharma then approached Trey Wagner. Your Honor, this is attack by supposition. Polmar: Which is why we need a revocation of bail hearing. Diane: Mr. Agos has already been through a source of funds hearing. Now the county wants a revocation of bail hearing? This is... this is Kafka in action. Petrov: The longer I live, the more I realize that everything is Kafka in action. I will hear arguments on Tuesday. Polmar: Thank you, Your Honor. Next. (Sighs) They're gonna get me one way or another. (Overlapping chatter) Joy: Well, that's not what he said. No, it isn't. No, no, that's not what he said. No, he didn't say that. Uh... no. Look, I have to go. Good-bye. (Phone hangs up) Hi. My name is Joy Grubick, and I'm the pretrial service officer for Cary Agos. And as such, it is my job to write a report to the court on Cary's compliances with, uh, his bond obligations. Looks like you already did that. I'm sorry? You already did that. The court is holding a revocation of bail hearing based on your report. No, no, no. (Laughs) That was based on my notes. Ah. Well, that's a comfort. You're Mr. Agos' employer? No, I'm his partner. Well, yes, but, for my report, I need to declare an employer. Well, that's too bad, because he doesn't have an employer. Okay. And how has Cary been doing at work, Mrs. Florrick? We took their six top department heads. Why are you fighting me on this? Because this is B.S. They are not ours! They want to change... Well. He's doing well. Good. I understand he was in court yesterday and today. Yesterday, but not today. And afterwards, after court? Cary: Alicia, do you have a minute? What's up? We heard you were staffing your campaign office. You... no. Where did you hear that? A reporter called me for comment. She asked if I had a position on your campaign. I didn't even know there was a campaign to have an opinion about. Yes? You want to hear what happened afterwards, right? Yes, after court. The state's attorney met with me. I see. Was Cary Agos with you? No. Mr. Castro just came to see me. Well, then it's not important. We can move on. You don't want to hear about Mr. Castro threatening Cary? I'm not threatening Cary. It sounds like you did. No. I'm saying, Cary's case will go away if he testifies against Bishop. That's what we call plea bargaining. Mr. Castro, you don't come to Cary, who's in the next room. You don't come to his lawyer, Diane Lockhart. You come to me. Who are you really threatening here? I really don't need to hear all this. You don't want to hear about the state's attorney's threats? They're not relevant to my report. But I'm not finished yet. Castro: Are you asking whether this has anything to do with your campaign? Let's just be clear, Mr. Castro. You're making a connection between Cary Agos' prosecution and your campaign for state's attorney. No. I'm doing the opposite. I'm saying Cary's prosecution has nothing to do with politics. But... Here we go. Well, it won't look good for your campaign, will it? Your partner being in prison. (Phone chimes) You want to repeat that, Mr. Castro? No... but... I will say this. It's a bad idea to run, Alicia. Very few saints survive oppo research. (Phone chimes off) I'm not running. I'm gonna stop you right there. You don't want to hear more? No, it's just that that's all the time we have. But thank you. And good luck. With? With your campaign. I heard about it on the drive in. It was on Morning Edition. Eli, what...? I know. I heard the Morning Edition thing, too. I had nothing to do with it. They said I opened a campaign office. No, they quoted a blog saying you opened a campaign office. But you haven't, so the quote is wrong. (Beep) Woman: Mr. gold, Mrs. Florrick is here to see you. Thank you, Nora. Your precognitive powers amaze me. Tell them it's wrong. What? Tell them I'm not running. No. You just feed the fire if you tell them things. No. I feed the fire. You feed them on background. Okay, talk to Steve Inskeep at the fund-raiser tomorrow. What? No. Who? From Morning Edition. He'll be at the fund-raiser tomorrow night. Did you forget? No. When? 7:00 P.M. Talk to him. It's the only way to nip this in the bud. I have to get to church. Good. Atheism doesn't play anyway. Schmidt: Congratulations, Ms. state's attorney. Actually, no, it's all wrong. I'm not running. Dean: Really? Did you hear Morning Edition? They got it wrong. I'm not running. Cary, do you have a second? How was your P.S.O. interview? Good. Or I don't know. I had a bit of an edge. But I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. Well, thank you, and I've been thinking. This-this rule change in arbitration isn't necessarily a bad thing, either. What are you thinking? Mrs. Toms, is that man over there a customer at your seed store? He is. Wendell bought our non-GMO seeds. He wasn't anti-GMO or anything. Just... GMO? Uh, what's that? Genetically-modified organism. Wendell said he just didn't want to pay big prices. Alicia: Good. And did he stop buying seeds at your store in 2012? Yeah. He told my husband that he... Schmidt: Objection, Your Honor. Del. Hearsay. And, uh, rule 804 does not apply here. Mrs. Toms is a widow, and a Christian woman who has something to share, so... Isn't that right, Mrs. Toms? So, shouldn't she be allowed to speak honestly and forthrightly? Well, first of all, you don't need to gild the Lily. Second of all, she hasn't said anything yet. Schmidt: Yes, but, Del, I know what she will say. She has no firsthand knowledge of the events she's being asked to give testimony for. Mrs. Toms, have you been telling the truth here today? Toms: I have. Paul: Then you may answer the question. Schmidt: Del? Mr. Schmidt, I know this may seem foreign to you, but you have to trust the process. (Clearing his throat) Mrs. Toms, what did your departed husband tell you? That Wendell said he didn't need to buy seed from us anymore because he "hit the mother lode." and by "hitting the mother lode," you believe that Mr. Keller was taking and planting Mr. Pratt's seeds? Yeah. Why else would he not need our seed anymore? Uh, can I break in here? Why don't we ask him? What? Why don't we ask Wendell? He's sitting right here. I'm staring right at him. Why don't we just ask him? Your Honor... Del, he hasn't been sworn in. Yes, but we've been trusting Mrs. Toms. Why don't we just trust Wendell? Mr. Keller, have you been planting these seeds of Mr. Pratt's? Well... Del, I'm going to instruct my client not to answer. No. Guys... if you'd... That's not how this works... The Matthew process. Just answer the question, just tell the truth. Do I replant seed? Sure. Always have, always will. Paul: Ed's seeds? I don't know. Is it possible some of Ed's seed got onto my land and I replanted them? Sure. Okay, well, uh, Del, I congratulate our defendant on his honesty, but that's our whole suit. He admitted his complicity. No. Did you intend to plant these seeds, Wendell? It doesn't matter if he intended to. Intent is irrelevant to patent law. He just admitted... But intent is relevant here. 1 Samuel 16:7. "God sees not as man sees, "or man looks at the outward appearance; but God looks at the heart." Come on. He just admitted to breaking the law. No, he admitted to not being conscious of breaking the law. (Knocking) Grace? Do you have a minute? Yeah. Alicia: "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the lord who judges me." So... doesn't that mean... That you can sin and not even know it? I guess. So intent is irrelevant to guilt. Yeah, but that's only one verse. Yeah, but that's all I need. I'm just looking for a precedent. That's called prooftexting, mom. You can't do that. You have to look at what the whole Bible says. But aren't all the verses considered true? Well, yeah, but you can't pick and choose. I'm a lawyer. That's what I do. (Both chuckle) So you really believe all this, Grace? The Tower of Babel? Noah's Ark? Everything? I don't know if it's all historically accurate. But... I think it can be true in another way. What other way? Well, you know, like poetry. It can still be true even if it's not accurate. Hmm. Look, if I wanted you to remember that God created everything, I'd probably tell you a story about it happening in seven days. Like, that doesn't actually mean that it happened in seven days. It just means that I wanted you to remember that God created everything. Did you just... make all that up? Yeah, why? Well, it sounds... smart. Well, thanks for being surprised. (Chuckles) (Chuckling): Oh, my gosh. Okay. So I can use the first quote. What is it? 1 Corinthians. And he'll come back at me with 1 Samuel 16:7. What can I use? Romans: "I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law." Right, good. The law. Yeah. Oh, and look at his translation. Um, I think it's American standard version. Compare it to, uh, the revised standard. Alicia: "If a person sins and does something the Lord has commanded not to do, even if he doesn't know it, he is still guilty. He is responsible for his sin." Leviticus? Chapter 5, verse 17. I think it's pretty clear, Del. Intent is not essential to sin. Do you know what the penalty for that was, Alicia, in Leviticus 5? The burnt offering of a male sheep. Are you suggesting Mr. Keller burn a sheep? 'Cause we could arrange that. I see you've both done your homework. Del, I would argue that New Testament commands hold sway over Old Testament commands, just as Christ came to fulfill the law. Not to abolish it. Yeah, that's Matthew 5:17. 1 Corinthians 4: "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent." Paul: Thank you. It's good to see you've all become biblical scholars overnight. But I would agree. I may have been a little hasty yesterday. Clearly the scriptures are not as easy to unpack as I would like. I'd like to reflect on this, pray on it, and I'll return with my decision. Detective Prima, what are we... what are we looking at here? That's Trey Wagner, our confidential informant in Lemond Bishop's gang. Polmar: Your former confidential informant? Yes, unfortunately, yes. And these photos were taken... A week ago. The same night that Mr. Agos was released. Here is another photo of Trey. And who is he with? That's Kalinda Sharma, an investigator working for Mr. Agos' firm. (Quietly): Look forward. No emotion. And what happened after this photograph was taken, detective? Trey Wagner disappeared. We have reason to believe that Ms. Sharma passed along a message from Mr. Agos... Objection. Rank speculation. Petrov: Sustained. Polmar: So Trey Wagner was a witness against Mr. Agos? That's right. Tell me, do you know, was it a condition of his bail that he not contact any of the witnesses? It was. Thank you, detective. Mrs. Wagner, your husband is a confidential informant for the Chicago police department, is that correct? Mrs. Wagner: I've been told that now. I didn't know before. Polmar: And when is the last time that you saw your husband, Mrs. Wagner? Seven days ago. July 1. Can you describe the last time you saw him? Mrs. Wagner: He came home around midnight. He was scared. He said someone was gonna kill him. Polmar: And how did he know that? Mrs. Wagner: Some Indian woman told him. (Quietly): Don't turn around. Don't do anything. Polmar: Thank you, Mrs. Wagner. Your Honor, Kalinda Sharma met Cary Agos the night that he was released from holding. 20 minutes after that, Trey Wagner was warned by an Indian woman that he should be afraid for his life. Kalinda... (Clears throat) I can't suborn perjury, so I'm not gonna ask what you did or who you met with... I think that's smart. But I think it would be good if there were a way to impeach Stacie Wagner's testimony. I agree. I'm not worried about suborning perjury. Did you threaten Trey Wagner? No. You told Bishop he was the C.I.? You don't want to know, Cary. And then you warned Trey that Bishop was coming after him, and that's why he took off. I have to go. Alicia: I didn't know you were religious. I almost became a priest. Really? When? Right out of high school. Why didn't you? To kill a mockingbird. (Laughs) Yeah. That book created a lot of lawyers. Yeah, I realized I wanted justice in this world, not the next. Hmm. You? I don't know what I want. [SCENE_BREAK] Mrs. Florrick, hello. My name is Joss Acker. Hi, I'm Frank Seddio. Before you completely staff up your campaign office, I'm a member of the Black Caucus... I think we met last year. I was in the audience at your speech. Actually, actually, gentlemen, I'm not running, and I have a reception to get to, so... African-Americans have been completely ignored in campaign staffing for years now, Mrs. Florrick... The governor said you would say that. And I really want you to know... Wait. What? Diversity hires, ma'am. No, what did you say about the governor? My husband? Yes, he sent me to see you. He... Wait, Mrs. Florrick, please... Mrs. Florrick, I think you have a real opportunity... Alicia, good. I need you to not talk about your campaign. Oh, God, there is no campaign. Exactly, I need you not to talk about it. Where's Peter? Other side of the stage. Why? Have you seen Peter? Oh, my God. Oh, no, but thank you. I'm Gloria Steinem. Yes. I know. Uh, Alicia Florrick. I know that and, also, I know that your husband is already speaking. They just introduced him. But I hear you're going to run for state's attorney. That's great. Oh, uh, no, it's, um, a little... that was a little premature. Why? Because I'm-I'm... not sure if I'm running. And why aren't you sure? Well, I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. You know... life, work. Okay, but show me the woman who isn't overwhelmed. (Laughs) That is true, yes, but this is... I'm... It wasn't my idea. My-my husband's, um, chief of staff... He asked me to run. Would you do a good job? You would. Well, that's not... That-that's not the point. No, I think it is the point. I think if you would do a good job, you should run. People respect you. And you could make a difference. We need more good women to run. Emcee: Now please welcome feminist icon Gloria Steinem. (Applause) Alicia, it was great talking to you, but I'm serious. Do run. Steinem: It's very nice talking to you, Alicia. You could make it all the way to the supreme court, Alicia. You're that amazing. Thank you all. After much reflection and prayer and returning to scripture with an open heart, I realized that I was wrong. Knowledge of sin is to some extent irrelevant. So I will hear arguments now on the fact of Ed's seeds being planted on Wendell's land, not just the intent. Del, we maintain our objection. I understand. So... You may call your next witness, Alicia, Dean, Cary. (Briefcase unlocks) Derek Voss. I am a forensic botanist. Mr. Pratt hired me to do a field study on plants containing his seed's genetic marker. After testing Mr. Keller's, uh, fields, what did you find? I found that his fields went from an acceptable six percent, uh, of Mr. Pratt's seeds to 89% in one year. Can that be explained by, uh, blow-in? No, it's my conclusion that he's saving and replanting seeds. Dean: Thank you. (Clears throat) Del, I'll be frank. This is bad science. We need an independent test using top-of-the-line DNA sequencers. Paul: And how long would that take? Schmidt: Two months. Alicia: Oh, come on, that is a delaying tactic, Del. Dean: That's impossible. Schmidt: Accuracy takes time. Am I supposed to... You know this is untrue, Wendell. You've been replanting my seeds. With the herbicide you were using, you would have killed off everything except our plants. You know that. Schmidt: Excuse me, don't talk to my client, sir. No, let them talk. Schmidt: No, Del, please instruct Mr. Pratt this is not a free-for-all. No. I agree... It's time for the two of them to talk it out. Wendell, I know you don't live with your head in the sand. You're a good man. A good steward of the earth. Just tell the truth. Schmidt: Wendell, shall we take a break? No. I've been replanting your seeds. I know it's against the law, but it's a rotten law. (Sighs) I had no choice. Your seeds were taking over my land. You control over 90% of the market, Ed. You control the food. When you control the food, you control the people. I'm sorry, Del. I lied earlier. I knew what I was doing. I lied before God. And I'm sorry. Paul: Thank you, Wendell. Thank you for sharing that. Del. We thank Wendell for his honesty. But, again: That makes this case simpler. Yes, it does. Wendell, since you've admitted to the infringement, I have no choice but to find... Del, excuse me. I submit the admission is moot. W... what? He just... Why? There can be no infringement because... The patenting of life is an affront to God. (Scoffs) Are you kidding me? Schmidt: They're messing with nature. The Bible says God's creation is good. Alicia: What about weeds? Are weeds good? Because our client knows how to get rid of weeds, Your client is greedy. and your client likes that. Greedy. Dean: Our client has spent $400 million on R&D for a product that is feeding the world. Schmidt: Dean, they own one gene. No, what's ridiculous is Mrs. Florrick not being able to... Alicia: What's ridiculous is that you don't allow me to finish questioning... (Overlapping arguing) Keller: Look, I'll-I'll pay you for the seeds I used, and I guess I'm your customer. But I'd appreciate a discount. I think that's a good idea. They own one gene in one seed. They don't own the plant. They don't own the sun. "Render unto Caesar that is Caesar's and unto God What is God's." Now you're just quoting random Bible verses. Are you good? Yeah. You? Thanks. We settled it. Diane: Who is that, Mrs. Wagner? The man you're kissing. Mrs. Wagner: Uh... Diane: It's not your husband, is it? It's not Trey? (Whimpers) Was that a no, ma'am? That was a no. Thank you. We were able to I.D. him as Ellison McFarlane. Is he your boyfriend, Mrs. Wagner? Polmar: Objection, Your Honor. Relevance. Your Honor, Mr. McFarlane's rap sheet is extensive. Assault and battery, armed robbery, possession. He is a dangerous man, with whom Mrs. Wagner has been carrying on an affair for over a year. She wanted a new life. She wanted Trey gone. Mrs. Wagner: That's not true. Objection, Your Honor. This is pure conjecture with no basis in fact. Yep, you're right, Mr. Polmar. Then again, I'm not sure how much fact you've got either. I will rule tomorrow. In the meantime, Mr. Agos, try showing up on time, and stay close to home. (Gavel bangs) Next. So no money? Yep. Well, at least they're friends. Good working with you. You, too. Uh-huh. Do you still believe in God? Do I? Yeah. You? No. I don't think I'm genetically built to believe in God. I didn't think I was either. Until I was. Alicia, do you have a minute? Talk to you later, Alicia. (Quietly): Who's that? A new partner. I was just heading home, Eli. This will only take a minute. Peter needs to endorse tomorrow for state's attorney, and I'm putting together a list of the top contenders. I can't put your name on that list, is that right? That's right. Do you have any other suggestions? Harold Lutz. No, we asked him. Diane Lockhart. Same. She said no. Well, who else is Peter considering? There was only one name. Well, I'm not running. I know. He knows. That's not the name. It's not? What-what's the name? James Castro. Oh, come on, Eli. He's not endorsing... Castro is a bad man. Yes, and Peter will grit his teeth and do it. James Castro's the only one who can win, and Peter needs to back a winner. (Exhales) Nice try. What? Trying to psych me into saying yes. (Chuckles) No, Alicia, not everything is about you. Peter is endorsing Castro. He is a bad man, but sometimes the world needs bad men. Unless you have another name. No. You. (Mock chuckles) Okay, thanks. If I think of another name, I'll let you know. Yeah. By tomorrow. Peter needs to endorse tomorrow. Otherwise it looks like he's following the crowd. Steinem: Alicia, I'm tired. I need you to take over for me. Never say such a thing. I don't know why he'd say that. I never heard him say such a thing. No, I-I did... I have to go. (Indistinct announcement over P.A.) (Groans) Did you have any questions, Ms. Grubick? Um... Yes. Let me see. As I said, I'm Cary Agos' pretrial services officer, and I just had a few questions for you as his lawyer before I submitted my report to the court. That is why I'm here. I understand you fired Mr. Agos a year ago. Yes, at his old firm. My old firm. And, actually, that wasn't the first time you fired him, was it? No. Once before. So... How secure is his job right now? (Chuckles) Very. My job is less secure than his. But it's my understanding he's lost many of his clients. Well, some of his clients. And that has not become an issue? That's the issue. I have to impress clients. You don't. Whose name's on the letterhead? (Overlapping arguing) Okay, wait, wait. No, no issue at all. And there's no tension between Cary and his coworkers? (Overlapping arguing) Three years ago I could have had my name on the letterhead. Cary, let's just listen, okay? All right, we need to expand. I mean, this is a charming space, but our clients are used to more. Your clients? I only say "our clients" because they're more in danger of leaving for Lockhart/Gardner. So what do we do? We have nowhere to go. Uh, the floor above us has just become available, so I propose we-we build up. Joy: Hmm, it is my understanding that Mr. Agos' bond has come from his workplace, your workplace. That is true. It's a lot of money. Is there any chance the bond would be rescinded due to financial issues or any other reasons? Alicia: Can we afford it? The second floor? Well, Dean and I talked, and we would be willing to finance the first year's rent via a personal loan to the firm. Really? In exchange for the loan, uh, we would like an executive committee comprised of three partners from Florrick-Agos and three partners from Lockhart/Gardner. No, the bond is secure. Okay. Is there anything else you want to tell me? No. All right, then. Thank you. Petrov: This has not been an easy decision. On the one hand, the defense has presented a reasonable alternate theory to Trey Wagner's disappearance, but they haven't backed it up with evidence. The prosecution, meanwhile, has a great deal of evidence, but nothing that leads one directly to the conclusion that they would like. I am left with a tie. So I've asked the defendant's pretrial services officer to weigh in, and I'd like her recommendation on the record. (Quietly): Oh, God. I'm screwed. Petrov: Do you have a recommendation for the court? I do. Please. (Joy clears throat) In my sessions with Mr. Agos and, uh, collateral witnesses, I saw a man who is terrified of going back to jail. He was a deputy state's attorney, and, uh, there are prisoners inside who he put there, so that makes him a flight risk. (Exhales) Uh... but I also saw a man who is fighting for his business, determined to get his life back. It is my opinion he knew enough of the risks to not intimidate or order the intimidation of any witness. I have concluded that Mr. Agos has not broken any of the conditions of his bond. Petrov: Thank you, Mrs. Grubick. You may step down. So there you have it. Mr. Agos, you will remain free on bail. (Gavel bangs) Next. You have something to say to me? No. (Chuckles) I doubt that. Men always have something to say. No. After I put your partner away for 15 years, then I'll have something to say. If you're still in office. Oh, so... that's why you're running, to get your partner off the hook. Or so you can keep your client, Lemond Bishop, out of jail. Or because your lover was gunned down in one of my courts. That's the rumor, anyway. Will Gardner was your lover. You blame me for his death, and that's why you're running. Retribution. Anything else? What do you want? No. Get it all off your chest. Oh, I have a lot on my chest. I'll save it for the campaign. Talk to you. Alicia. How are you? If I ran... what's the plan?

Cary's bail is in jeopardy when the State applies to revoke bail after a key witness, a confidential informant, disappears. A pre-trial service officer must determine whether he continues to remain free. Florrick/Agos handle a case whereby the defendant and the plaintiff, both neighbors, try to resolve a patent infringement case outside traditional court - instead seeking a resolution inside "Christian Arbitration", whereby Biblical teachings are used to guide a conclusion. Alicia, constantly annoyed by people who think she is running for State's Attorney, tries to squelch all the speculation when a chance encounter with Gloria Steinem and veiled threats from the State's Attorney give her pause to reconsider.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_03x04

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_03x04_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] WHITE FLASH TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL BALLROOM - NIGHT] (In the darkness of the deserted auditorium, the back stage door opens. Someone walks in. She's one of the event coordinators making final checks for the show the next day. She walks up to the lighting console and turns on the switches for the main stage lights. She smiles as they go on.) (She steps down from the console platform and walks past the curtains to the stage itself. She walks along the red-carpeted catwalk and stops at the end. She takes a moment and looks out into the empty seats in front of her.) (The camera slowly moves lower and angles upward where we see the event sign hanging in the background for the "International Organization of Little People / Fashion". That's not all we see hanging in the background. The camera continues to angle upward where we see the shadow of a figure hanging from the rafters.) (The event coordinator is satisfied with the stage preparations. She turns around to leave and gasps as she sees the figure hanging high above the stage.) FLASH TO WHITE: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL LOBBY -- NIGHT] Sara: Is this some kind of convention? Grissom: Little People Convention. Every year they come from all over the world to a designated city. Socialize, network. It's their Prom, Olympics, and New Year's Eve all rolled into one. (SARA, GRISSOM and NICK make their way across the hotel lobby. All around them, dozens of Little People mill about, the lobby a bustling as with any other convention.) (As they walk, a man in a wheelchair rides in the opposite direction toward them. He nearly runs into NICK.) Nick: Oh, hey. Excuse me. Man In The Wheelchair: Don't think so, square jaw. (The MAN IN THE WHEELCHAIR leaves NICK wide-eyed and jaw hanging. GRISSOM and SARA continue along the ballroom unaware of NICK'S close encounter.) Sara: Grissom, how do you know this? Grissom: I get the newsletter. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL AUDITORIUM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] Brass: Lawrence Ames, clothing salesman from phoenix. He's 35, four foot, five inches tall. (BRASS accompanies the CSIs into the crime scene. They make their way up the stairs leading to the stage. Off on the side talking with an officer is MELANIE GRACE, the event coordinator who discovered the body.) Brass: One of the, uh, convention organizers found him. She was checking out the stage. There's a fashion show tomorrow if you're interested. She looked up and saw him. (The body hanging from above is slowly lowered.) Sara: Guy does a suicide in a public place. He was trying to make a statement. Grissom: Suicide? Sara: It's a reasonable suspicion. Nick: Suicide among any disability group is above average. Grissom: Being a dwarf doesn't mean you're disabled, Nick. It means you're ... short. (The body stops just inches from the ground.) Grissom: I think we've got a little murder. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RESIDENCE - DRIVEWAY -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE slams the door to her Tahoe shut. She pockets the keys and with her CSI kits in hand, makes her way up the driveway. On the way, she's met by DET. DREW WOLF.) Det. Drew Wolf: My favorite CSI. I was hoping you'd get the call out. Catherine: Look who's back in town? So, what happened, Drew? You didn't like ... Idaho? Is that it? Det. Drew Wolf: Had everything but you. (CATHERINE laughs at the flattery.) Catherine: Yeah, right. So, what have we got? Det. Drew Wolf: One body, male caucasian. Looks like a home invasion. Listen, I'm headed next door. I'm going to talk to a neighbor who heard shouting, called 9-1-1. Keep me posted? Catherine: Always did. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (Catherine walks into the large sunken living room. Standing guard over the body, preserving the crime scene, is FIRST OFFICER CLARK.) Catherine: Hi. (FIRST OFFICER CLARK turns to her and gags a little. He can't answer her. CATHERINE introduces herself.) Catherine: Willows. (FIRST OFFICER CLARK gives CATHERINE his name.) Catherine: You clear the place? FIRST OFFICER CLARK: Just finishing. Catherine: Okay. (CATHERINE looks at the dead body. The man is lying face-up in the living room, blood spilled out in a pool under him from a wound in his head. CATHERINE takes out the camera and begins taking pictures. FIRST OFFICER CLARK, standing guard by the living room door, groans and looks green. He takes a deep breath.) (CATHERINE'S cell phone rings. She puts her camera down and answers it.) Catherine: Yeah? (pause) Hey, Warrick. (pause) Uh, yeah, it, uh ... some kind of home invasion gone bad. Don't run any lights. I'll just process till the coroner gets here. (pause) Okay. Cool. (CATHERINE hangs up. FIRST OFFICER CLARK behind her swallows. The poor guy's turning green being in the same room with the dead body.) FIRST OFFICER CLARK: We were just pulling out of the chili place when dispatch radio, uh, arrived on the scene at 1900 hours. My partner secured the perimeter. I've been in here ... Catherine: This your first time on body watch? (FIRST OFFICER CLARK gags and nods his head.) Catherine: Well ... alive ... it's inside your bowels. Dead, it ends up on the floor. (The camera moves to the mess under the dead body to emphasize CATHERINE'S point. FIRST OFFICER CLARK'S eyes move to the mess also. He begins to gag uncontrollably and puts and arm up to stop himself from contaminating the crime scene.) (CATHERINE sees his distress and waves him out of the room.) Catherine: Go. Go, go, go. Just get some air. (The Young Officer takes off out of the room. CATHERINE chuckles. She goes back to processing the crime scene.) (She moves to her print kit and begins dusting the floor. She looks around. She stands up and carrying her print kit, moves to another portion of the living room.) (She dusts the sides of the cabinet doors and moves along the wall. CATHERINE looks down at her hands. The shadow inside the cabinet moves. CATHERINE looks up.) (The figure inside the cabinet bursts out and grabs CATHERINE. In a cloud of fingerprint dust, the two struggle. He pushes her along the living room. CATHERINE continues to struggle.) Catherine: (yells) Suspect on location! Suspect on location! (He pushes her up against the wall. CATHERINE continues to fight back against the intruder. She manages to knock the intruder across the head, releasing his hold on her. For all that she's worth, CATHERINE fights. The intruder knock's CATHERINE across the head and pushes her down. CATHERINE falls to the floor landing in the dead body's pool of blood.) Officer: In here! (The intruder runs out the back.) (Two police officers with their weapons drawn enter the living room. WARRICK follows, his gun also draw.) Catherine: Out back. Warrick: Catherine, are you all right? (The two officers cautiously follow in the direction the intruder left. WARRICK lingers behind. He kneels next to CATHERINE.) Catherine: He went out back. (to WARRICK) I'm all right. I'm okay. (WARRICK leaves CATHERINE and follows the officers.) (CATHERINE slowly gets up. Her hands covered with the victim's blood, her own blood spilling from the gash in her forehead.) (In the background, we hear: Warrick: Talk to me! Anything? ) (WARRICK returns to the house, FIRST OFFICER CLARK behind him.) Warrick: He must have gotten out the back window. (WARRICK turns around and holsters his gun. For a brief moment, he's silent and thoughtful. He looks up at FIRST OFFICER CLARK in front of him.) Warrick: (angry) You the First Officer on the scene? (The officer nods his head.) Warrick: When you clear a place you clear it, do you understand? FIRST OFFICER CLARK: Yes, sir, I'm sorry. Warrick: We lost a CSI two years ago because of the same mistake! (Still on the floor, CATHERINE speaks up.) Catherine: Warrick ... ease up. My fault. I sent him out. Warrick: (to the officer) Use your radio and call for backup. (FIRST OFFICER CLARK turns away and pulls out his radio. WARRICK kneels down next to CATHERINE.) Warrick: (softly) Hey ... Catherine: Hey. Warrick: Are you okay? Catherine: Yeah. I'm all right. (WARRICK reaches out a hand to get a better look at the cut on CATHERINE'S forehead. CATHERINE moves back a little.) Catherine: Don't touch me. (She holds out her bloodied hand.) Catherine: I'm evidence. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - AUDITORIUM] (SARA lifts some fibers off of the deceased and envelopes it. The body of the deceased is resting on the gurney, the rope is still around his neck. DAVID PHILLIPS waits to accompany the body back to the Lab for processing.) Sara: I got some fibers here. Possibly secondary. (NICK is walking back up to the stage. He's carrying a cord of rope.) Nick: This rope was identical to the rope around the victim's neck. It's used as a hand rail. (DAVID PHILLIPS prepares to cut the rope loose. GRISSOM stops him.) Grissom: Wait, David. Got a hair in the knot. (Quick CGI POV to the knot and the single strand of hair tied with the rope. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Sara: Killer's in the rope. Grissom: I want to preserve this as is, so cut higher. David Phillips: Yes, sir. (DAVID moves the knife up higher on the rope he was about to cut. He cuts the rope and the body falls back flat on the gurney. Camera lingers on the deceased's neck. GRISSOM uses his flashlight and looks up where the deceased was found.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE puts on a pair of latex gloves.) Catherine: Hey, um, hand me a swab, would you? (WARRICK turns around holding the swab out for CATHERINE.) Warrick: You know I could do this for you. CATHERINE: Not going to hurt any less. (CATHERINE takes the swab. She stands in front of the mirror and takes a sample from her head wound. She groans with the effort. Behind her, WARRICK winces.) Warrick: That cut is deep. (CATHERINE caps the swab tip and hands it to WARRICK.) Catherine: Damn. (CATHERINE turns back to the open van doors searching for some privacy.) Catherine: All right, um, hey, uh, turn around. Warrick: Huh? Catherine: Privacy. (WARRICK moves to the left side and turns his back to CATHERINE effectively blocking her from the driveway view. She starts to remove her clothing.) Catherine: The guy bodied me full-on. I don't want trace to miss one hair or one fiber. (WARRICK holds open the evidence bag while CATHERINE puts her clothes in it.) Warrick: You decent? (WARRICK turns around. The Coroner's office exits the home with the dead body on a gurney. They pass WARRICK and CATHERINE. WARRICK starts to put on his latex gloves while CATHERINE buttons up her work jumpsuit.) Warrick: Looks like we're up. (WARRICK and CATHERINE head back into the house to collect the evidence.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY ROOM -- NIGHT] (The body is on the table. GRISSOM lifts the sheet covering the deceased's legs.) Grissom: These scars are old. Tell me this wasn't bone-lengthening surgery. ROBBINS: Probably done when he was a teenager. Surgical pins are inserted into the bone ... (Quick CGI POV of the apparatus externally attached to the surgical pins inside the leg bones. Camera passes through the skin to the bone as the bones are broken and CGI fills in the bone growing back.) Robbins: (V.O.) ... and linked to an external screw. Turn the screw, it cracks the bones. Osteogenic cells flood in. (End of Quick CGI POV. Resume to present.) Robbins: Callus forms to bridge the gap. The fractures heal and the bone gets longer. You have to break the bones every four to six hours a quarter millimeter at a time. Excruciating pain ... for an extra few inches. Grissom: What people will endure to be normal. Robbins: "What fools these mortals be." Grissom: Hmm. Robbins: So ... Grissom: Hanging? Robbins: At least. C.O.D. was asphyxiation due to strangulation. Give me a hand here. (GRISSOM and ROBBINS lift up the body so that they can see the back. ROBBINS pushes the deceased's left ear up.) Robbins: Bruise behind the ear is characteristic of a hanging. (ROBBINS pushes the hair at the back of the head away.) Robbins: This bruise is not. Grissom: What is that, blunt force? Robbins: Take a look at this. (ROBBINS and GRISSOM move to the X-ray viewbox.) Robbins: Separation of the first and second vertebrae prior to death. Grissom: He was paralyzed? Robbins: That's something that would only happen to a dwarf with pseudoachondroplasia. Physiology can make for cervical spine instability. Grissom: So it's possible that whoever did this knew something about dwarf anatomy. (Quick CGI POV to someone hitting the back of someone else's neck. Cut to a close up of the skeletal frame breaking between the first and second vertebrae. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) (Both GRISSOM and ROBBINS turn to look back at the body on the table.) Robbins: Hmmm ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (Back in the house, WARRICK examines the large blood stain left behind by the deceased. CATHERINE follows more slowly. WARRICK moves on to the kitchen area. CATHERINE walks past the large blood stain on the floor. CATHERINE looks up at the cabinets along the wall where the suspect hid.) (Quick flashback to the suspect pushing CATHERINE up against the wall and the two struggling.) Catherine: Suspect on location! (Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume back to CATHERINE.) Catherine: He was drinking. (WARRICK watches CATHERINE while he puts on his gloves.) Catherine: It was beer. Warrick: I'll go process the back. (CATHERINE nods her head. WARRICK leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (WARRICK kneels at the back outside gate and lifts a footprint off of the door.) (Quick flashback to the suspect hitting the door and boosting himself over the gate. Cut to the suspect falling over the back and getting away. End of flashback. Resume back to WARRICK.) (WARRICK takes the print and stands. He heads back into the house.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE kneels in front of the living room cabinet door. She pulls off something and bags it. WARRICK enters.) Catherine: Denim fiber from the cabinet. Could be nothing. And lots of smudges but no prints worthwhile. Warrick: Yeah, I didn't get any prints either but I did get a partial shoe tread from the back gate. And I don't think our dead guy lived here. Catherine: Based on ...? (WARRICK stares at the photograph on the refrigerator door. He pulls takes one down and hands it to CATHERINE. She looks at it. It's a photograph of a black man and a light-skinned woman. Both are smiling.) Warrick: These pictures. Got Detective Wolf looking for the homeowner's name from the real estate records. Catherine: So, our home invasion robbery may be not a home invasion after all. (WARRICK nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL & CASINO - NIGHT] (GRISSOM and SARA stand next to the machine that MELANIE GRACE is playing. SARA puts on a pair of latex gloves.) Sara: So, would you mind if we tape-lifted your shirt? Combed your hair for evidence? Melanie Grace: Evidence of what? Sara: Well, the first person at a crime scene often turns out to be a viable suspect. Melanie Grace: I'm the one the found his body. I'm the one that called it in. SARA: If you're innocent it'll, rule you out. (MELANI GRACE considers this and shakes her head slightly. She may not like it, but she consents.) Melanie Grace: Go ahead. (SARA digs into her kit to get her stuff out. MELANI GRACE continues to play the machine. She glances over at GRISSOM.) Melanie Grace: Does he ever talk? Sara: Yeah. At, uh, random intervals. Grissom: I was admiring your reaching tool. Melanie Grace: I have one I use to wipe my tush with. Would you like to take a look at that, too? (SARA smiles as she collects the samples.) Grissom: Hey, if the world doesn't adapt itself to you, you have to adapt yourself to it, right? Melanie Grace: Yeah. You know, you probably think I'm cold. Pulling slots after I found Lawrence up there. This is the convention. Everything moves at warp speed. Sara: I'm done. Thank you. (MELANI GRACE gets up and off of her seat. She starts to leave then turns around.) Melanie Grace: You know, fifty-one weeks in your hometown with nothing but average-sized people. I have to fit a lifetime into this week. We all do. Business connections, gambling, romance. Grissom: Excuse me. Did Lawrence have any problems in those areas? Melanie Grace: Romance? Not at all. Lawrence was a pseudo. He could have his pick of any girl in here. (MELANI GRACE leaves. SARA takes off her gloves and watches her walk away.) Sara: What's a pseudo? GRISSOM: Dwarfs with pseudoachondroplasia have features and head size like normal people. Dwarfs with achondroplasia have shortened limbs and enlarged heads. Sara: Different types of dwarfs, different social status? GRISSOM: Hey ... discrimination isn't just for tall people. (SARA looks at GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LAWRENCE AMES' HOTEL ROOM] (GRISSOM removes the crime scene tape across the hotel room door. He opens the door and finds a young woman sitting on the bed. Her back is to the door. GRISSOM looks at SARA. He's surprised to find anyone in the room at all. They both are.) Grissom: Excuse me. (The woman turns around.) Grissom: Isn't this, uh, Lawrence Ames's room? Jessica Marcus: Yes. Grissom: Who are you? (JESSICA MARCUS sighs. She gets up off the bed and approaches them. GRISSOM seems surprised that she's just as tall as he is. He looks at SARA. They both catch themselves and look back at JESSICA MARCUS.) Jessica Marcus: I'm his fianc e. We always got those looks. I'm five-seven, in case you were wondering. Sara: Our concern isn't your height; it's your proximity. You're standing in a potential crime scene. (GRISSOM puts his kit down and pulls out the nearest chair.) Grissom: Would you please sit down here? We want to keep the contamination to a minimum. (SARA is on her cell phone.) Sara: (on phone) This is CSI Sidle. We need a uniform in room 312 right away. Thanks. (SARA hangs up the phone. JESSICA MARCUS sits in the chair.) Grissom: Didn't the police tell you not to come in here? Jessica Marcus: Yes. But I wanted to be near Lawrence's things. Grissom: And, um... these are Lawrence's things? Jessica Marcus: Yes. (GRISSOM notices the reaching tool on the bedside table next to the laptop and a stack of magazines. He looks up and immediate notices the gouge in the far wall. He takes a couple steps closer to the wall.) Grissom: Sara? Sara: Yeah? (SARA moves in to examine the mark on the wall.) Sara: Gouge is deeper at the bottom than the top. Grissom: So the strike was made coming down. (GRISSOM goes back to the reaching tool. He picks it up and looks at it. SARA finds a piece of broken plastic on the floor near the wall. She picks it up.) Sara: Grissom. (They match the broken plastic to the reaching tool. GRISSOM takes the plastic from SARA. SARA looks up at JESSICA MARCUS.) Sara: Did you and Mr. Ames have an argument, say last night? Jessica Marcus: No. (SARA looks at JESSICA MARCUS.) Jessica Marcus: You don't believe me? (GRISSOM holds up the broken plastic.) Grissom: Well, right now, we believe the evidence. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (DAVID PHILLIPS prepares the electric razor. CATHERINE and WARRICK visually look over the body.) Catherine: What are the marks on his forearms? (DAVID PHILLIPS turns around and glances at the multiple indentations CATHERINE'S looking at.) (Quick CGI POV focuses on a single round indention on the deceased's arm. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) David Phillips: Hmm, can't say. But I do know that Teddy Henders died from blunt force trauma. Warrick: From what, do you think? A hammer, butt of a gun? DAVID PHILLIPS: I was just going to see if I could figure that out. (DAVID uses an electric razor and starts to shave the deceased's head to see what's underneath his hair. After clearing the contact area, he turns the razor off. CATHERINE leans in to look at the impression.) Catherine: "Z"? (Quick flashback to CATHERINE dusting a z-mover video game box at the crime scene. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: There was a z-mover video game on the floor next to the vic. Murder by z-mover. Warrick: The neighbors heard shouting. Two guys break and enter and get into some kind of an alternation. (Quick flashback to two men arguing inside the house. One man picks up the video game box and hits the other with it. Quick CGI POV impression of the letter "Z" imprinted on the bloody scalp. End of CGI POV. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: One ends up killing the other. David Phillips: And almost Catherine. (CATHERINE is surprised by DAVID'S comment. She's not amused by it either. DAVID looks up at CATHERINE and smiles lightly.) David Phillips: That had to be scary, huh? Catherine: (flatly) I didn't have time to be scared, David. (DAVID'S smile fades.) David Phillips: Oh. (Without a word, CATHERINE leaves the room. WARRICK watches her leave, concerned for her. WARRICK takes off his gloves and looks back at DAVID.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - LAWRENCE AMES' ROOM -- DAY] (GRISSOM looks down at the champagne glass next to the bucket and bottle on the table. He kneels in close and slowly picks it up. The champagne glass has some drink still left on the bottom.) Grissom: Is the lipstick on this champagne glass yours? Jessica Marcus: No champagne for me. I'm ... pregnant. Only seven weeks. SARA: Is this your computer, or Lawrence's? Jessica Marcus: Lawrence's. Sara: We're going to have to take it with us. (JESSICA MARCUS nods. GRISSOM opens an evidence bag for the champagne glass.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. -- DAY] (WARRICK finds CATHERINE standing outside, leaning against her car.) Warrick: Cath? You all right? (WARRICK reaches CATHERINE.) Warrick: Don't let him get to you like that. Catherine: I was scared ... and I still am. (WARRICK puts his arms around CATHERINE.) Catherine: Don't tell anyone, okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] Nick: Hey, Greg. GREG: Hey. NICK: Get anything off the rope? GREG: Yeah, a few brown hairs around the knot. Only one with a skin tag, though. And those fibers that Sara found on the body? NICK: Yeah? GREG: Polyester upholstery. Cheap rugs and tacky furniture. (GRISSOM walks into the lab and looks at the samples on GREG'S table.) Grissom: I need these hairs. Greg: Uh, uh, no DNA tags on those. Grissom: Doesn't matter. (GRISSOM finds what he's looking for then leaves the lab as quick as he entered it. NICK looks at where GRISSOM goes, his back to GREG.) Greg: (grumbling) You know, I hate it when he does that. I like to make a presentation, you know? (NICK turns to look at GREG.) Nick: So, present. Greg: Eh, forget it. Scope's interesting. (NICK looks into the scope. Scope View shows skin cells. Resume to present.) Nick: All right, fresh epithelials. Greg: Yeah, I found them on the rope near the anchor point. A minuscule sample, but useable. Nick: How long for DNA? Greg: Well, give me something to compare it to. Get me the fianc e's blood. Nick: Well, I can't just give you her blood. That takes a court order. Greg: I'm open 24 hours. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (In the lab, SARA goes through LAWRENCE AMES' laptop's contents.) Sara: (reading) "Met you in a pseudo chat room. Do you remember me?" "I remember you." [THE FULL COMPUTER SCREEN READS: "CHAT ARCHIVE INSTANT MESSAGE" <DANIELLE256> I met you in a pseudo chat room. do you remember me? I'm the one who liked French films and Soderberg. <LAWRENCE1801> I remember you. Love Soder too. <DANIELLE256> You going to the Convention this year? I'd love to meet you. See if you can pick me out. I'm four even. Perfect face. perfect body. All yours. <LAWRENCE1801> I'm dying to see your pic. C'mon <DANIELLE256> Count to three, Handsome. <To View Attached File. Click Here> ] Sara: (muttering) "...to the convention this year? "I'd love to meet you. See if you can pick me out. Perfect face perfect body. Count of three, handsome." (SARA clicks on the attachment and the picture of an attractive dark-haired woman appears on screen. SARA stands and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY] Sara: Jessica, you knew Lawrence was having an on-line affair with another woman didn't you? Brass: You logged on at times when Lawrence was at work. We checked his work records. Jessica Marcus: A lot of girls liked Lawrence. He was funny and smart and sweet. Sara: Danielle was different. She was his size. She was ... perfect. Nick: We found your skin cells on the rope that hung Lawrence. Jessica Marcus: You're making that up. Nick: No, I'm not. Brass: Our court order ... your blood. Jessica Marcus: I did not put a noose around my fianc 's neck. Nick: Then explain how your skin cells got on the rope. Jessica Marcus: I can't. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM is conducting a test on the strand of hair found in the rope. Using a Tinius Olsen(tm) machine, GRISSOM tests the strength of the single strand until it breaks.) (SARA and NICK walk in.) Sara: Hey. Confronted the fianc e; she stonewalled us. Nick: Brass told her not to leave town. (NICK turns to look at SARA) Nick: He sounded a bit like Jack Lord, don't you think? (SARA looks at NICK and smiles.) Grissom: Well, she can go wherever she wants to. She didn't do it. Take a look. Hair from the knot. (SARA and NICK move to look through the microscope. They see the hair.) Sara: They look thin. Grissom: Diameter's 60% less than normal. Tensile strength is also way below normal. Nick: You have a cross section? Grissom: (nods) Mm-hmm. (GRISSOM adjusts the microscope. NICK and SARA look back at the sample.) Nick: Hmm. No pigment at the central core. No color. Grissom: Cartilage Hair Hypoplasia. C.H.H. It's characterized by fine, brittle body hair. It's an extremely rare syndrome. It's a form of Dwarfism. Nick: Okay. So, back to the midgets. (GRISSOM looks sharply at NICK.) Grissom: Nick ... "Dwarfs" or "Little People". (NICK nods at the correction.) Grissom: You'll need to know what to look for. So, I'll put together a list of C.H.H. Attributes. Nick: Well, you better do it fast. The convention's over in two days. After that, the "Little People" go home and we lose all our suspects. (Camera hold on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL BAR -- NIGHT] (MELANIE GRACE sits at a bar-side table with two other women. They're having drinks. GRISSOM approaches them.) Grissom: Ms. Grace? (to the woman nearest him) Excuse me. (to MELANIE GRACE) I need your help. MELANIE GRACE: What now? My DNA? GRISSOM: No, actually ... your eyes. CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL BAR - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM shows MELANIE GRACE the picture of "DANIELLE256".) Melanie Grace: I'm sorry, I don't recognize her and a girl this pretty I would remember. The guys would still be drooling. Grissom: Well, according to the police, there's none named Danielle registered at the hotel or at the convention. Melanie Grace: You expected an internet handle to be a real name? (GRISSOM shakes his head slightly.) Maybe the girl got cold feet. My first IOLP convention -- I walk in, see 200 Dwarfs staring back at me and what goes through my head? "There's no way I look like these people." I ran. Grissom: But you went back. MELANIE GRACE: Eventually. I guess I realized it's nice to see eye-to-eye with someone. Grissom: Mm. MELANIE GRACE: I get the impression that's a little tough for you. "The freaks have looked at her in a secret way and tried to connect their eyes with hers as though to say, we know who you are. We are you.'" (GRISSOM smiles.) Grissom: Faulkner. Melanie Grace: Close. Another southern writer. Carson McCullers. Grissom: I think we look for the differences in each other to prove that we're not alone. Melanie Grace: What's yours? Your difference? (GRISSOM doesn't respond.) Mine's the worst. Random gene. Anyone can have a dwarf. Sometimes I've even seen terror in average-size people's eyes. I remind them that their little carbon copies might not be such a copy after all. Grissom: Well, mine's genetic, progressive and impossible to predict. Melanie Grace: And hard to notice ... unless you tell someone. (GRISSOM nods and smiles slightly at the insight.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (CATHERINE enters the lab. WARRICK is already there working in his lab coat.) Catherine: Got your beep. What'd you get? Warrick: Denim fibers at 400x. (WARRICK motions to the microscope on the table behind him. CATHERINE peers into it.) Warrick: The skin from the dead guy and the denim found in the cabinet were both coated in the same substance. (Microscope view of the denim strand. CATHERINE looks up at WARRICK.) CATHERINE: You get a breakdown? Warrick: Yeah, partially hydrogenated soy bean oil, traces of beef fat, sugar and potato starch. Catherine: Cooking grease. Warrick: That would explain the marks on the guy's forearms. Grease burns. (Quick CGI POV to a hand lifting the wire basket out of a deep fryer. The oil splatters. Cut to a close up of the hot oil on skin. Flash to white. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Catherine: So there's a good chance the victim worked in a fast food joint. (WARRICK nods. DET. DREW WOLF enters the lab.) Det. Drew Wolf: I got a feeling they both did. The owner of the house has a franchise of fast food places. Uh, fast and fresh burgers. I just got off the phone with him from Hawaii. Alvin Jackson. Three stores in the Vegas area. And he's on his yearly vacation. Catherine: Something his employees would definitely know. Get any addresses? Det. Drew Wolf: You bet. Warrick: Let's go check it out. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (DANIELLE'S photograph is up on screen.) Sara: We're looking for anything in the picture that might give us a way to find her. Something in the background that determines location a useful reflection, anything. (ARCHIE takes a good look at the picture. He smiles and laughs a little.) Archie Johnson: Huh ... oh, I get it. This is like a test, right? Sara: What do you mean? ARCHIE JOHNSON: Individual hair shadows are amorphous when they should be distinct. (ARCHIE stands and moves to the screen where he points to "DANIELLE" right cheek bone. A box frame on screen marks the points ARCHIE emphasizes.) Archie Johnson: In these two areas -- here and here-- they're on the same focal plane but this one's sharp and this one's fuzzy. Sara: This picture's a fake? Archie Johnson: A composite. A very good one. SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (GRISSOM watches the monitor as ARCHIE works his magic.) Grissom: This explains why nobody ever saw her. She only exists in pixels. Nat King Cole. Sara: Excuse me? Grissom: Archie would you separate the composite elements, please? Archie Johnson: Yup. (ARCHIE de-composites the photograph.) Archie Johnson: The image was built out of these. Grissom: Now if you could, pull up a photo of the victim, gray scale. There's a theory in art that the Mona Lisa was really a feminized version of Leonardo Da Vinci himself. Sara: Concept suggests ... Deep down we're all narcissists? Grissom: Yeah. What attracts us the most is ourselves. Sara: (to ARCHIE) Scale to match the original picture with Danielle. (BRASS walks in and stops to watch. ARCHIE works on the two photographs, matching it by hand.) Sara: Danielle is a virtual woman created to attract and lure Lawrence Ames ... away from his fianc e, maybe? Brass: Boy, do I have good timing, or what? I did a little checking with the phone company. In the past year, Lawrence Ames received over two hundred calls from Melanie Grace. Sara: The same woman that found him dead. Brass: He got call-blocking against her two months ago. Sara: Well, that's interesting. That's the same time Danielle started sending him instant messages. (Camera holds on GRISSOM'S thoughtful look.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Melanie Grace: Yes, I called Lawrence. We met in a chat room. He also called me. Did you look at my phone records? BRASS: He eventually blocked your calls. The same week he got engaged to Jessica Marcus. Grissom: It was at that time he began receiving messages from ... a perfect woman ... (GRISSOM holds out a single sheet with two photos on it, LAWRENCE AMES and "DANIELLE".) Grissom: ...who doesn't really exist. Melanie Grace: You think that I would do that? Present myself to a man as anything other than who I am? Brass: If it would break up his new engagement. So what happened? You went to the convention you saw him with his tall girlfriend and you go to plan B? Melanie Grace: (to GRISSOM) You think I'm capable of that? Killing because a woman has some height on me? Pretending to be an ideal ... if you think that ... then I was wrong about you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - MAIN LOBBY - VENDOR AREA -- DAY] (NICK walks through the lobby, looking around. He's reading through some papers in his hands. He gets some distance when the same man from the beginning of the episode riding a wheelchair deliberately blocks his path. NICK tries to walk to the left around the man in the wheelchair. The man turns his wheelchair to block NICK. NICK looks up from his papers. He sees the man and tries to walk around the man to the right. Again, the man turns his wheelchair to block NICK.) Nick: Hey. Do you mind, little man? I'm trying to work here. Man In The Wheelchair: Really? NICK: Yeah. Man In The Wheelchair: You making any progress, CSI man? NICK: Some. Man In The Wheelchair: Uh-huh. Are we getting your A-game or your B-game? (NICK smiles a little.) Nick: Come again? Man In The Wheelchair: You see us little people we're used to getting the short end of the stick. (NICK chuckles.) Man In The Wheelchair: (sharply) You don't get to laugh at that. (NICK stops smiling at all. The man in the wheelchair activates the wheelchair and the seat starts to rise. NICK notices the impressive gadgetry. It lifts him higher and higher till he's looking eye-to-eye with NICK.) Man In The Wheelchair: What I want to know is are you treating this like a case or like a joke? Nick: Well, a man was killed; that's no joke. (NICK meets the man's eyes. He's completely serious.) Nick: (quietly) You got my A-game. Man In The Wheelchair: Yeah? NICK: Yeah. (The MAN IN THE WHEELCHAIR is satisfied by what he sees in NICK'S eyes.) Man In The Wheelchair: Carry on. (The man lowers the wheelchair seat and leaves NICK as he continues on his way. NICK watches him leave for a moment, then turns around. In the background at the nearest vendor booth, we hear the salesman giving pitch to his customer.) Kevin Marcus: This is very easy to articulate. Comes in several different colors. You will enjoy this very, very much ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GREG looks over his most recent test results. He sees GRISSOM walking purposefully through the hallway. GREG grabs an empty file folder and exits the lab with the test results to catch GRISSOM.) Greg: Uh, Grissom. (GRISSOM stops and turns around.) Greg: There's, uh, something weird going on with the hairs from the ropes. Well, not weird. More like... hair-raising. (GRISSOM doesn't crack a smile.) Greg: Sorry, bad one. Um, okay, at first I thought that maybe I was doing something wrong -- running too many DNA samples, you know seeing things. GRISSOM: Greg? (GREG exhales.) Greg: Uh, the dwarf hair has seven alleles in common with Jessica Marcus's skin cells. (This information surprises GRISSOM.) Grissom: The two donors are related? Greg: Profiles say so. (GRISSOM'S cell phone rings. He answers it.) Grissom: Grissom. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - VENDOR AREA -- DAY] Nick: He looked like he fit your profile. So, I asked around. Two little people confirmed he has C.H.H. Brass: Okay, thank you. (BRASS and GRISSOM both make their way to vendor booth #107. KEVIN MARCUS is showing his products to potential clients.) Brass: Kevin Marcus? Kevin Marcus: Buying or browsing? Brass: Maybe a little bit of both. Grissom: Rope for makeshift banisters, huh? Kevin Marcus: That rag rope ... cuts the hands. Now you feel this nylon. Go ahead feel that. (KEVIN MARCUS holds out the rope for GRISSOM. GRISSOM kneels down and takes the rope.) Kevin Marcus: I do trade shows mail order ... I even sold to this convention. (KEVIN MARCUS pulls out a brochure and holds it out to GRISSOM.) Grissom: So what do you, buy from wholesalers and then repackage in your home? KEVIN MARCUS: Yeah, Chicago. BRASS: Well, that explains how your daughter's skin cells got all over the rope that hung Lawrence Ames. GRISSOM: Your daughter's name is Jessica, right? (KEVIN MARCUS looks up at BRASS and nods his head.) Brass: The lab also found your hair all over that rope. Kevin Marcus: Well, I touch all the merchandise. Brass: Nice try, Kev. They hair was caught in the noose. (KEVIN MARCUS doesn't say anything. GRISSOM watches him closely.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY] Nick: Did you know your father killed Lawrence? Jessica Marcus: That's what they told me, but I couldn't believe it. I still can't. INTERCUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY] Brass: So you created Danielle to break up your daughter's engagement. Kevin Marcus: That's an interesting theory. (KEVIN MARCUS smiles. Neither BRASS nor GRISSOM say anything.) Kevin Marcus: What? You guys trace an online account to my credit card or something like that? Oh, no, wait. Um, I use a free ISP. That means no name, no trail, no case. (BRASS looks at GRISSOM.) Grissom: Mr. Marcus, in your business you deal with proportions, correct? You provide Little People with what they need to compensate for their proportions and to live with them. You know what Little People aspire to be. Your, uh, logo is interesting. (GRISSOM holds out a blue and white business card. On the left is the altered Da Vinci's image and on the right is the business information: REACH U? / KEVIN MARCUS / PRESIDENT / 3114 W. NILE ROAD, CHICAGO, IL 60603 / (312) 555-1247.) Grissom: Da Vinci's "Vitruvian Man." In the perfect human form, arm span equals height. You're very aware of what, uh people are looking for in a mate aren't you? INTERCUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY] Jessica Marcus: The night before he died, Lawrence and I had a fight about Danielle. (Quick flashback to LAWRENCE AMES in front of his laptop. Behind him is JESSICA MARCUS.) Jessica Marcus: Are still in contact with her? Lawrence Ames: She e-mails or IM's. I don't answer. I love you. (JESSICA picks up the reaching tool from the table and throws it across the wall.) Jessica Marcus: You're cheating on me! (The reaching tool hits the wall and the plastic tip breaks. End of flashback. Resume to NICK.) Jessica Marcus: And I ran out of the house and I went to my dad. I was crying and he told me to leave Lawrence but I couldn't because ... I ... I loved him. And I'm having our baby. And I went back to our room and we made up. (Through her tears, JESSICA smiles at the memory.) Jessica Marcus: And the next night ... he said he was going out to meet a friend. (Quick flashback to LAWRENCE AMES dressed up and headed out the door. JESSICA MARCUS leans down and gives him a kiss.) Lawrence Ames: I'll be back in an hour, babe. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Jessica Marcus: And he never came back. (NICK nods.) INTERCUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY] Brass: So, what'd you have against the guy? Kevin Marcus: What are you, blind? He was a dwarf. My wife and I ... Our daughter ... a Genetic Miracle. One-in-four shot she'd be an average. And she was a beautiful average. Grissom: So your wife is also a dwarf. Kevin Marcus: Yeah. Jessica didn't have to fight the world every day, like we did. We freed her from all that. But that little b*st*rd kept dragging her right back down into it. Brass: So you killed him. Kevin Marcus: I said I didn't like the guy. I didn't kill anybody. (GRISSOM looks grimly at BRASS, then back to KEVIN MARCUS. GRISSOM and BRASS leave the room. BRASS closes the door and takes a deep breath. He looks at GRISSOM.) Brass: Can we prove it? Grissom: Not yet. The rope was anchored to the lighting truss which was at least five feet over his head. Brass: So? (Inside the room, KEVIN MARCUS gets off his chair and puts his jacket back on.) Grissom: He can barely lift his arms above his shoulders. He suffers from Lumbar Lordosis Swayback ... which is typical of C.H.H. And it limits his mobility even more. Brass: Hey, the guy put a rope around the victim's neck. Grissom: Yeah, but how did he hang him? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. ALVIN JOHNSON'S FAST FOOD PLACE - PARKING LOT - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TAHOE -- DAY] (CATHERINE moves to open her passenger side door. DET. DREW WOLF leans into the open window stopping her.) Det. Drew Wolf: Listen, Catherine. Me and Warrick can handle this. (WARRICK glances at CATHERINE.) Catherine: I'm going in. Warrick: Well, the guy assaulted you. You don't have to put yourself through this, you know. CATHERINE: I don't, I'll be scared of the next guy and the one after that. (CATHERINE shakes her head, no. She opens the car door and gets out of the car. WARRICK gets out of the car also.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ALVIN JOHNSON'S FAST FOOD PLACE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] Warrick: Shoe tread, denim fiber, a lot of cooking grease. Based on that evidence, they all did it. (WARRICK closes the file folder he's carrying and walks back to the DETECTIVE and CATHERINE.) Det. Drew Wolf: All right, so we take them one by one. Catherine: Transfer works both ways. (CATHERINE steps up toward the line of cooks behind the counter. She unzips her bag and hands a stack of evidence paper sacks to WARRICK.) Catherine: Warrick? (CATHERINE also takes out a stack of clean tissue. She hands one to the YOUNG MAN standing first in line.) Catherine: Blow your nose. Young Man: I don't gotta. (The YOUNG MAN looks at CATHERINE. CATHERINE doesn't break eye contact. She tilts her head up and holds the tissue out. The YOUNG MAN takes the tissue and blows his nose.) (WARRICK hands CATHERINE the open evidence sack. The YOUNG MAN hands the tissue back to CATHERINE. She glances at it and puts it in the sack and puts it on the counter. She moves on to the next man standing in line. She holds out a tissue for him.) Catherine: Guess. (The man takes the tissue and nods his head. He blows his nose and hands the tissue back to CATHERINE. She puts it in the evidence sack and moves to the third man standing in line.) (She holds out the tissue for the man, DWAYNE GALLO. DWAYNE GALLO looks down at the tissue and doesn't move to take it.) Dwayne Gallo: I don't think so. (He looks away.) Catherine: Then I guess I'll just have to look for myself. (CATHERINE moves back to her kit.) Dwayne Gallo: You want to look at my boogers, Lady, go ahead. (WARRICK looks up.) Warrick: Hey! (DWAYNE GALLO stares at WARRICK. CATHERINE gets the instrument from her kit. She examines DWAYNE GALLO'S nose.) Catherine: Nose hairs ... are nature's filter. Traps all kinds of things. Dust, dirt ... (Quick CGI POV of what CATHERINE sees. Attached to the inner nose hairs are colored powder particles. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Catherine: ... fingerprint powder. (DWAYNE GALLO exhales and pulls his head away from CATHERINE.) Catherine: You did it. (Quick flashback to DWAYNE GALLO coming out of the cabinet and attacking CATHERINE. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: You inhaled the fingerprint dust I was using. (He begins to speak. CATHERINE takes a step back.) Dwayne Gallo: We went up there to party 'cause the boss was out of town and I saw the z-mover first (DET. DREW WOLF sees CATHERINE take the step back and he moves in to apprehend DWAYNE GALLO. He pushes DWAYNE GALLO down against the counter and maneuvering his hands behind his back.) Dwayne Gallo: ... but Teddy ... Teddy ... (Quick flashback as TEDDY HENDERS sees the box on the floor. He picks it up.) Teddy Henders: Sweet ... z-mover ... (DWAYNE GALLO stands and grabs the box out of TEDDY HENDER'S hands.) Dwayne Gallo: I saw it first. Teddy Henders: What? ... (DWAYNE GALLO pushes TEDDY HENDERS back. And like two children, they begin to fight over the box.) Dwayne Gallo: I saw it first. Teddy Henders: It's mine. Dwayne Gallo: I saw it first. Teddy Henders: I called it. Dwayne Gallo: You want it, you b*st*rd?! (DWAYNE GALLO swings the box and hits TEDDY HENDERS on the back of his head. TEDDY HENDERS falls to the floor dead. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Dwayne Gallo: I didn't mean to kill him. It was an accident. I mean, I ... Officer: Get up. Dwayne Gallo: I didn't mean ... (The officer escorts DWAYNE GALLO out of the diner. CATHERINE takes her gloves off.) Det. Drew Wolf: You all right? Catherine: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - THEATRE -- DAY] (NICK and SARA return to the crime scene to look for some answers. They slowly make their way up the stage to where the body was discovered.) Nick: Hey, did you get anything else off that laptop? Sara: No, a bunch of the files were corrupted. Archie's taking another run at them. (NICK looks around the stage and out at the audience. He sighs. SARA walks to under the lighting. She looks up. NICK joins her.) Nick: Victim was paralyzed, couldn't fight back. Kevin Marcus puts the rope around his neck makes a slip knot. Sara: And ties off the other end on the truss even though there is no way he could have reached it. Nick: No way he could've reached it. (SARA turns her back and looks out at the empty audience seats. NICK sighs and takes off his jacket. He kneels down on the ground. SARA turns around and notices NICK.) Sara: Nick, what are you doing? Nick: Changing my perspective. (On his knees underneath the lighting, NICK looks up and tries to grab the lights above. An impossible feat.) Nick: (groans) Oh, man. Can you imagine going through life at this height? (SARA doesn't hesitate.) Sara: They do okay. If the world doesn't adapt itself to you, you ... Nick: ... adapt yourself to it. (NICK nods. He looks back up at the lighting above. Then it occurs to him.) (Quick Perspective to the sound of the wheelchair's motor as the seat begins to rise. He imagines the rope being thrown over the truss. End of POV. Resume to present.) (Still on his knees, NICK calls back to SARA.) Nick: Where's Grissom? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL LOBBY -- DAY] (Off to the side, GRISSOM leans against the column watching the conventioneers mingling in the lobby. In the group across the room, he makes brief eye contact with MELANIE GRACE who is also aware that he's there watching everyone.) (SARA and NICK approach GRISSOM from behind.) Sara: Grissom? (GRISSOM turns around.) Nick: We know how he did it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY] (GRISSOM puts something on the table. Presumably it's a sample of the fibers that BRASS is talking about.) Brass: Your wheelchair was in the booth at the convention. The fibers from the seat cover to your wheelchair match the fibers we found on the victim. Uh, faux, fake sheepskin. (KEVIN MARCUS looks up at his lawyer sitting next to him.) Brass: We also know how you got Mr. Ames into the theater. (GRISSOM takes the single sheet of paper out from his file and puts it on the table in front of them.) Grissom: Our lab retrieved a final instant message to Lawrence from Danielle. (GRISSOM PUTS THE E-MAIL DOWN ON THE TABLE. IT READS: LAWRENCE UNKNOWN T. MORGAS "FILES RECOVERED FROM LAWRENCE AMES' LAPTOP MESSAGE ARCHIVE <DANIELLE256> If you love Jessica, meet me in the theatre, nine o'clock (Quick flashback to LAWRENCE AMES on the theatre stage. He turns around and sees KEVIN MARCUS riding up in his wheelchair.) Lawrence Ames: Mr. Marcus, what are you doing here? (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: It's enough to convict you. GRISSOM: May I ask a question? How did you get him into the wheelchair? (KEVIN MARCUS laughs to himself.) Kevin Marcus: Well ... I appealed to his vanity. I told him I needed a brochure model to sell my new chair. (Quick flashback to the theatre. KEVIN MARCUS is seated in the wheelchair.) Lawrence Ames: You don't want me near your daughter but you want me to hawk your chairs? Kevin Marcus: I never said you weren't handsome. I mean, come on -- your face, your build -- a million chairs, "sold." (KEVIN MARCUS gets up and out of the chair. He urges LAWRENCE AMES into it.) Kevin Marcus: Great, come on. Hop in. Hop in, let me see you in there. Come on. Model for me. (LAWRENCE AMES reluctantly sits down in the chair. Flash to white.) Kevin Marcus: There you go. Wait, let me make an adjustment for you, here. (KEVIN MARCUS goes behind the chair and while behind LAWRENCE AMES, strikes him on the back of his neck. Quick cut to a CGI POV close up of the skeletal frame breaking between the first and second vertebrae. End of CGI POV.) Kevin Marcus: (V.O.) I paralyzed him. (KEVIN MARCUS puts the rope around the man's neck and hanging on to the back of the chair, he hits the switch. The chair rises higher and higher till KEVIN MARCUS is able to reach the lighting truss. He throws the rope over and secures it. He lowers the chair and LAWRENCE AMES slowly hangs. KEVIN MARCUS looks up in success.) (End of Flashback. Resume to present.) Kevin Marcus: I couldn't let Jessica marry him. (he shakes his head) Any kid they have ... a fifty percent chance it would be a dwarf. You have to understand that. (GRISSOM looks at BRASS. Disbelief written all over his face.) Grissom: It's genetics. Brass: Mr. Marcus, I think you should know ... your daughter is already pregnant by Lawrence Ames. (KEVIN MARCUS looks from BRASS to GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE #37 (KEVING MARCUS and his officer escort turn the corner and walk through the hallway. As he passes the waiting room, JESSICA MARCUS stands. She looks at her father. He looks back at her. She turns away. He averts his face and continues to walk the hallway.) (GRISSOM, SARA and NICK watch.) Grissom: You know what's really sad? This wasn't just a murder. It was a hate crime. (SARA turns to look at GRISSOM.) Grissom: Kevin Marcus hated himself. (GRISSOM walks alone down the hallway leaving SARA and NICK behind.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SCHOOL - DAY] (GRISSOM leans casually against the large column. He looks around and watches the students going about their daily business. An older SIGNING STUDENT (FEMALE) recognizes GRISSOM and walks up to him. She taps him on his shoulder to get his attention. GRISSOM turns around.) Signing Student (female): (spoken) Dr. Grissom, welcome back. GRISSOM: (signing) It's nice to see you. Signing Student (female): (signing) Where are you going? Grissom: (signing) I'm taking a class in lip-reading. (or as GRISSOM says it, "speech" reading.) Signing Student (female): (signing) I think I should tell the teacher that you're a trouble-maker. Grissom: (signing, laughing and shaking his head) No. See you around. Signing Student (female): (signing and spoken) Take care of yourself. (The Signing Student pats him on his shoulder and leaves. GRISSOM smiles. He sticks his hands in his jacket pocket and takes a deep breath. He settles back against the column he's leaning against. The camera slowly pans away.)

Grissom suspects murder when the body of a dwarf is found hanging from a rope high above a stage in a casino hotel where a convention of little people is being held. Across town, Catherine is attacked at a crime scene where a man was murdered during what appears to have been a home robbery.

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THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE GALAXY PART TWO Run time: 24:20 [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Circus [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Listen, they're having a good time in there. Ace: Don't you hear it? The Doctor: Hear what? Ace: That screaming. The Doctor: I can't hear anything. Ace: I was sure I heard... The Doctor: Oh, you're just making excuses because you don't like circuses. Ace: No. No, it's not that. The Doctor: Well, are we going in or aren't we? [SCENE_BREAK] Ticket office [SCENE_BREAK] Clown: Two more. Morgana: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Circus [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: I did hear it, that screaming. The Doctor: But not now. The Doctor: So we can go in? Ace: Yeah, okay. The Doctor: Your enthusiasm's overwhelming. [SCENE_BREAK] Ticket office [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana: Welcome one and all to the Psychic Circus. The Doctor: Ace, you promised. I'm the Doctor and this is Ace. I must apologise for my young friend. Morgana: Oh, it is no problem. All of us around here believe in letting our feelings hang out. I mean, there is no point in getting uptight, now is there? Ace: I don't believe this. Morgana: That is why we got into circuses in the first place. The Doctor: We? Morgana: The founder members of the Psychic Circus. The Doctor: Ah, I see. Morgana: We were really into personal expression and the Circus gave us a chance to develop ourselves by expressing our individual skills. The Doctor: I wonder if you've a special skill, if I might enquire. Morgana: Fortune telling. Would you like to see the future? The Doctor: Not just yet. The Doctor: The Psychic Circus has grown into quite a sizeable operation, by the looks of it. Morgana: The greatest show in the galaxy. The Doctor: Quite so, yes. My, you have travelled, haven't you? The planet Othris, the Boriatic Wastes, Marpesia and the Grand Pagoda of Cinethon. Morgana: Yes, we used to have a great time in the old days, going from planet to planet. But we've really got settled in here since... The Doctor: Since? Morgana: Well, you have to hang up your travelling shoes and stop wandering sooner or later, don't you? The Doctor: So I've been told. Personally, I just keep on wandering. Ringmaster (O.C.): Will you please take your seats, thank you. The Doctor: Ace? Ace: Yes, Professor? The Doctor: Well, are we going in or aren't we? Morgana: You're sure you want to go in? The Doctor: Yes, that's why we came here in the first place. Morgana: Look, I don't know how to put this, but... Morgana: Of course, go right in. Do your own thing. Enjoy yourselves. The Doctor: Thank you. Oh, tickets. We forgot to buy some tickets. Morgana: Tickets? The Doctor: To go in. Clown: Ha ha! You're in already. The Doctor: Oh. Sounds as if you're doing really good business. Clown: This way, please. [SCENE_BREAK] Big Top [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Professor. The Doctor: Yes? Ace: I can't see a thing. The Doctor: Neither can I. Ace: And the cheering's stopped. The Doctor: Perhaps we're between performances. Let's see if we can find a seat. Ace: Found somewhere to sit, Professor? The Doctor: That's one way of looking at it, if we could see. Over here. Ace: What? The Doctor: I said, over here. The Doctor: In a moment our eyes'll get used to the darkness. Ace: Assuming there's anything worth seeing. The Doctor: Listen. Girl: Daddy. Daddy. Dad: What? Girl: I want an ice cream. Dad: You've already had one. Girl: But Daddy. Dad: I told you once and I'm not going to tell you again. Now shut up and eat your popcorn. The Doctor: We're not alone. Ace: Yeah, but it looks like it's just us and them. What a con. I mean, where's Mags and the Captain? The Doctor: Perhaps they haven't arrived yet. Who knows? Anyway, I'm going to have an ice cream. Mom: They should be starting up again soon. Have a crisp, Father. The Doctor: Greetings. Not many in today, are there. Are you regulars or is this your first visit, too? Let me introduce myself. I'm... The Doctor: Oh, thank you very much. Delicious. Ace: Professor. Professor, it's starting. The Doctor: Well, it's been a pleasure. The Doctor: Remarkable. Ace: If you like this sort of thing. The Doctor: No, no, I mean the memorial stones. Do you see them? Look. Ringmaster: Now welcome folks, I mean that from the heart, because the Greatest Show is about to start. It's happening right here before your very eyes and one thing's for sure, you're in for quite a surprise. But then, nothing's quite as it seems to be at the Greatest Show in the Galaxy. Ringmaster: Now welcome folks, we've got a brand new act. He's a real find and no doubt that's a fact. He'll entertain you, he'll make you stare, and our great new act is seated over there! The Doctor: Oh, thank you, but... Ringmaster: Come on, Doctor. Don't be shy. The Doctor: Well, I'm not really sure that I should. Ringmaster: Oh, no false modesty. We know you're good. The Doctor: Well, this is most unexpected. Are you sure you want me? Ringmaster: There's no mistake, Doc. Come on in. Feel free. Ace: Don't go, Professor. The Doctor: Why, what harm could it do? Ringmaster: Exactly. But the decision's up to you. Ace: No, Doctor! The Doctor: Well, you certainly didn't waste any time. I had expected to see what the opposition was up to before I put myself forward for the talent contest. The Doctor: But since you insist. Ringmaster: Oh, we do, but no doubt you'd like to get yourself prepared first. The Doctor: Well, yes, I... Ringmaster: Let me show you and your charming assistant to your dressing room. The Doctor: Oh, thank you very much. Ace! Clown: Where did you find that earring? Ace: Are you a robot too? Clown: No. Ace: Pity. Clown: So tell me where you found it. Clown: After her. [SCENE_BREAK] Backstage [SCENE_BREAK] Ringmaster: Right this way, Doctor. The Doctor: Thank you very much, but where's Ace? I don't think she... Ringmaster: Oh, she'll be coming. Captain (O.C.): Iniphitus, where the Galvanic Catastrophods are not what they were. Captain: No, but they're still worth a look if you're doing a tour of the southern nebula and have an eon or two to spare. You. Well, well. The Doctor: Captain Cook, I presume. So you had arrived after all. Captain: But of course. Come and join us, Doctor. It's one big happy family here, eh, Nord? Nord: Except when you're gassing on. The Doctor: Well, I don't really think I... Captain: Nonsense, we're having a ball here. The Doctor: Very well then. Mags. Do sit down, Doctor. The Doctor: Thank you very much. Captain: Yes, there we are. Comfy? The Doctor: Yes. Captain: That's the spirit. [SCENE_BREAK] Cage [SCENE_BREAK] Captain: Anything the matter, old chap? The Doctor: It's a trap! I've fallen into a trap! I've fallen for it. Captain: Yes, I know, old boy. Never mind. Have some tea. A very similar thing happened to me once, you know. The Doctor: Why? Captain: Why what? The Doctor: Why let me be trapped? It's so pointless. I could have saved you, Nord and Mags. Captain: I wouldn't be too sure about that, Doctor. These circus chappies are pretty smart customers for all their let it all hang out mumbo jumbo. Mags: Maybe we could have escaped if we'd made a break for it there and then. If only you'd... Captain: Now, now, Mags. No use in getting upset, and that's an order. The Doctor: What about you? I mean, why didn't you speak up? The Doctor: What kind of answer's that? Captain: Save your energy, Doctor. You'll soon see why. Anyway, all of us in here have developed a survival philosophy, which is why we welcomed you in. The Doctor: What is all this, then? I thought there was a talent contest going on. Captain: Well, yes, but in a way it's more like a survival of the fittest. Captain: Oh, that's Deadbeat. Yes, he does odd jobs about the place, makes the tea for me, things like that. Don't bother too much about him, though. Fellow's mind's completely gone. Deadbeat: Gone. Gone. Oh really gone. All really gone down the road again. [SCENE_BREAK] Ticket office [SCENE_BREAK] Ringmaster: Well? Morgana: We have to talk. [SCENE_BREAK] Cage [SCENE_BREAK] Nord: Get out of it! I hate your sort, cos I'm Nord, see? The toughest infernal extraterrestrial there is. The Doctor: What a fool I've been. Captain: Frankly, old chap, I have to agree. The Doctor: I should have listened to Ace. Captain: Number one rule of the intergalactic explorer, Doctor. If you hear somebody talking about good vibes and letting it all hang out, run a mile. Mags: We didn't. Captain: That's beside the point. The Doctor: What happens in there? Captain: In where? The Doctor: In the ring, during the talent contest. Captain: Something pretty nasty. Ringmaster (O.C.): Next contestant ready, please. Captain: Oh, here, Nord. Nord: What? Captain: Remember our agreement? Nord: Eh? Oh, yeah, course. Captain: Well, heads, heads or tails? Nord: Tails. Captain: Heads. Nord: So? Captain: You're on next. Nord: I ain't going on next! Captain: But we all agreed, didn't we, Mags? Captain: Good girl. Captain: He's next, I believe. Clown: Get him ready. The Doctor: You were lucky, Captain. Captain: Not really. I got a whole set of these silly little nick-nacks from some bug-eyed monster when I was on the planet Leophantos. Captain: Like I said, Doctor. Every man for himself here. The Doctor: What am I supposed to do with these? Captain: Practise juggling, I suppose. Your chances of survival in the ring are better, of course, if you keep them entertained. The Doctor: Why, do they let you out again? Captain: No, but you last longer. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Circus [SCENE_BREAK] Whizzkid: All right? [SCENE_BREAK] Ticket office [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana: Just think of all those tickets we've sold. Does that make you feel good? It wasn't always like this, was it. Not before we came to this dreadful place. We used to have fun. We were free spirits then. Ringmaster: We are now. Morgana: You think so? It feels more like we're part of a machine. Ringmaster: Look, we're not leaving, if that's what you mean. Morgana: We must! Ringmaster: You keep saying that, but you haven't gone, have you? Morgana: I tried, but... Ringmaster: Listen, just as long as they keep on coming, and they will, no doubt of that, we are a success. Don't you understand? An intergalactic success. Now, the others, they couldn't take the pace, that's all. Bellboy, Deadbeat, Flowerchild, the rest. Don't you understand? They wanted to live in the past, the old lazy way. Not us. We'll make the Psychic Circus known everywhere. Morgana: Known for what? Ringmaster: Well? Clown: That new pair worry me. The girl that escaped had one of Flowerchild's earrings. Ringmaster: Have they found the girl? Clown: Not yet, but she can't have gone far. I'll search for her myself. Ringmaster: Yeah, you do that. Make sure you find her. Morgana: And Bellboy? Clown: Let's hope he's learned his lesson, shall we? We'd better get him back to work. Bellboy made them all. Bellboy can repair them. Morgana: But will he ever be able to... Whizzkid: Hello. This is the Psychic Circus, isn't it? Morgana: Yes, that's right. Whizzkid: Oh great! I've come halfway across the southern nebula to be here. I want to enter the talent contest. I know all about the Psychic Circus, you see. In fact, I'm your greatest fan. [SCENE_BREAK] Cage [SCENE_BREAK] Nord: I'll show you. Easy. Easy! The Doctor: It frightens you, doesn't it, Mags? Mags: Oh, he'll be fine. Just like the other one was. The Doctor: You saw what happened in there? Mags: So? The Doctor: Aren't you going to tell me about it? Mags: See for yourself! Captain: Don't bother Mags, Doctor, will you? You have to be careful with these rare specimens. The Doctor: What do you mean? Captain: You'll see. [SCENE_BREAK] Workshop [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Look, I'm trying to help you, but you're not making it very easy. Can't you at least tell me what... Ace: Great. Don't tell them, will you? Clown: Learnt your lesson, eh, Bellboy? No more running away now. Good, because I've got some important repair work for you to do. The Conductor's been damaged. That girl must be somewhere. [SCENE_BREAK] Big Top [SCENE_BREAK] Ringmaster: A man of might is Nord. And now he'll go for broke by making all you laugh with his most favourite joke. Nord: Eh? What, do a gag? Like a joke? Yeah, well, I'm coming down like on the Psychic Circus tonight on the way... [SCENE_BREAK] Cage [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Is this what you saw before? Mags: Not exactly, but just as bad. The Doctor: Would you let something like that happen to you? Mags: Would you? [SCENE_BREAK] Ticket office [SCENE_BREAK] Whizzkid: It must be awfully exciting working for the Psychic Circus, Morgana. Particularly when you did your tour of the Boreatic Wastes. I think that most of your admirers would agree with me that that was one of your finest ever gigs. Well, in so far as you can tell from the posters... Morgana: Would you like to be getting along inside? Whizzkid: You mean I can go in, just like that? Morgana: Yes. Go right now, please. Whizzkid: Oh wow! [SCENE_BREAK] Cage [SCENE_BREAK] Captain: Mags. Mags: What? Captain: It's not going to work. I remember when I was on the baleful plains of Grolon, I... Mags: I don't care. The Doctor: Ready? The Doctor: I believe I'm on first. Mags: No, I'm ahead of you. The Doctor: No, you're not. Mags: No, I am. The Doctor: I insist on going out first. Mags: Oh no, you don't. The Doctor: Oh yes, I do! [SCENE_BREAK] Big Top [SCENE_BREAK] Ringmaster: Now listen folks, we have a great new act. He's a real find, there's no doubt that's a fact. He'll entertain you, he'll make you stare, and our great new act is seated over there! Mom: I hope he's better than the last one. Dad: Couldn't be much worse. Girl: Mum, Mum. Mom: Shut up and eat your popcorn. [SCENE_BREAK] Cage [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Look, I insist in going on first. Mags: I told you, I am. The Doctor: I am! The Doctor: Join the club. Captain? Captain: No thanks, old boy. I'll sit this one out. Goodbye, Mags. Mags: Bye, Captain. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the workshop [SCENE_BREAK] Clown: That'll do. Take it back to the bus. Clown: Let me entertain you. [SCENE_BREAK] Big Top [SCENE_BREAK] Whizzkid: Well, I have to say it's a real thrill for me to be here at the Psychic Circus. I've collected all your posters, you know. [SCENE_BREAK] Cage [SCENE_BREAK] Ringmaster: Have you now? Whizzkid: From all your venues. And also I've got some very interesting... [SCENE_BREAK] Backstage [SCENE_BREAK] Ringmaster (O.C.): Oh Doctor, oh Doctor, have no fear. Calling the Doctor. There's no escape. Repeat, there is no escape. Mags: Won't they take no for an answer? The Doctor: No. Oh, we should have made straight away for the open air, I suppose. Mags: Look. The Doctor: How extraordinary. They're just like the stones in the Big Top. Fascinating. I wonder how long they've been here? Mags: Maybe they were always here. The Doctor: That thought had occurred to me. Let's investigate. Mags: Oh! Can you see it? The Doctor: See what? Mags: That moon sign. The Doctor: The moon? Why does it frighten you? Tell me. Mags: Don't ask. Just lets get out of here. [SCENE_BREAK] Workshop [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Pasty face. Clown: Don't like clowns, eh? After some time in here, you'll tell me what I want to know. Ace: Is any one there? Come on, you don't scare me. [SCENE_BREAK] Stone chamber [SCENE_BREAK] Mags: It's weird. I don't understand. The Doctor: Oh, nasty little booby trap, that. That is, if it is a booby trap. Still, there's certainly no way forward. Mags: Is it a well? The Doctor: One way to find out. The Doctor: That eye, I've seen it before. Of course, it was on the kites at the entrance hall. Fascinating. Somehow, somewhere down there is the answer to all that's going on at the Psychic Circus. Captain: Ahem. Awfully sorry to butt in like this, old boy, but I'm afraid you're wanted. You're the next one due on in the ring.

The mysterious family watching the acts within the ring,dissatisfied with Nord, destroy him. Captain Cook goes to extreme measures to ensure he's not the next to displease them...

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_04x08

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_04x08_0

Scene: The apartment. Penny: Okay, help me out here. How does an archaeology professor get that good with a whip? Howard: Maybe he took a class at the adult bookstore. That's how I learned. Leonard: I can't believe you've never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark. Penny: And I can't believe you've never read Eat, Pray, Love. Leonard: When she comes out with Eat, Pray, Run Away From A Giant Boulder, I'll read it. Howard (after Raj whispers to him): I don't care if Eat, Pray, Love changed your life, I'm not reading it. Penny: You know, I could totally rock a hat like that. Sheldon: That's the work of noted Hollywood costume designer Deborah Nadoolman. She also designed the iconic red and black jacket in Michael Jackson's Thriller video, which I've never viewed in its entirety, as I find zombies dancing in choreographed synchronicity implausible. And also, it's really scary. Leonard: Would someone please turn off the Sheldon commentary track? Sheldon: There's no switch. Just listen and learn. Howard: Penny, if you think this is good, you should come with us Friday to see it on the big screen at the Colonial. Penny: Well, I'm watching it now. Why would I want to see it again on Friday? Sheldon: Because the print they're showing on Friday has an additional 21 seconds of previously unseen footage. Penny: What, 21 seconds? That'll be like seeing a whole new movie! Leonard: Exactly. They say it finally solves the submarine controversy. Sheldon: Did Leonard? I'm no expert, but I believe what we just heard from Penny was sarcasm. (She indicates it was) Oh, good. I'm eight for 26 this month. Penny: Yeah, I think I'll pass. But you guys enjoy your extra 21 seconds. Leonard: Bet if I could make you understand why this is such a cool thing, we'd still be together. Penny: Mm, yeah, no, we wouldn't. Howard: Uh-huh. I'm guessing 21 seconds had something to do with that, too. Credits sequence. Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Sheldon: May I point out to you all that the screening is first come, first served? Leonard: Relax, it's five o'clock. The movie doesn't start till midnight. Sheldon: Another way of saying that is the movie starts at midnight, and it's already five o'clock. Let's go. Howard: You know, if we miss it, we'll have the fun of listening to Sheldon whine about it for the rest of our lives. Sheldon: See? Howard's on my side. Howard: Actually, I'm not. I'm using sarcasm to mock you. Sheldon: Drat. Now I'm 8 for 27. Leonard: Don't worry, Sheldon. We'll be fine. Sheldon: What happened to the Leonard Hofstadter who waited in line with me for 14 hours to see the midnight premiere of Star Trek: Nemesis? Leonard: Oh. Well, he waited in line for 14 hours, while you napped in a lawn chair, he got in a fight with a Klingon when he stepped out of line to pee and you wouldn't wake up to vouch for him, and worst of all, he saw Star Trek: Nemesis. Sheldon: But how were our seats? Leonard: Excellent. Sheldon: I rest my case. Amy, don't you agree we should leave now and get in line? Amy: Actually, as the newest member of your social group, I believe I'll gain more acceptance by arbitrarily siding with your friends from time to time. Sheldon: Shrewd. Amy: Leonard, you're right. We should enjoy our meal, arrive late, and risk winding up with terrible seats, assuming we get in at all. Leonard: Thank you, Amy. Amy: See? It's working. Bernadette: Knock-knock. Howard: Who's there? Bernadette: Olive. Howard: Olive you, too. Leonard: Guys, that's really starting to get old. Howard: Knock-knock. Leonard: Who's there? Howard: I have a girlfriend and you don't. Leonard: Hysterical! Sheldon: Wait, now, we don't know that yet. He isn't finished. I have a girlfriend and you don't who? Howard: So. Are you sure you don't want to come with us to Raiders? Bernadette: Oh, no. That movie has melting faces. It reminds me too much of the time I dropped that vial of flesh-eating bacteria into the Rhesus monkey lab. Besides, Penny and I are having a girls' night tonight. Amy: Girls' night? What does that entail? Bernadette: Oh, you know, girls get together, hang out, share girl talk. Amy: I'm a girl. Bernadette: Oh. Well, maybe you can join us. I'll ask Penny. Amy: No need. Penny and I are very close. Bernadette: You are? Amy: Yes. In fact, our menses are synchronized. Penny. Bernadette tells me you're planning a girls' night. Penny: Yeah? Amy: I'm a girl. Penny: Oh. Um, it was, it was just going to be me and Bernadette. Besides, I thought you were going to the movies with Sheldon and the guys. Amy: Yes, but they're not girls. I'm a girl. Penny: Yeah, no, no, I-I-I got that. Amy: What's the dress code? Penny: Uh, just wear something comfortable. Amy: All right. I'll have to go shopping. Sheldon: Knock-knock. Leonard: Who's there? Sheldon: Hugh. Leonard: Hugh who? Sheldon: Hugh people need to listen to me. It's time to get in line for the movie. And that's how you tell a knock-knock joke. Scene: The movie theatre. The line is incredibly long. Sheldon: Under normal circumstances I'd say, I told you so. But as I have told you so with such vehemence and frequency already, the phrase has lost all meaning. Therefore, I will be replacing it with the phrase I informed you thusly. Howard: Ooh. Can't wait for that to start. Sheldon: I informed you thusly. Raj: Eight for 28. Sheldon: This is where we could have been if we hadn't stopped for dinner. This is where we could have been if Koothrappali hadn't ordered dessert. Raj: Well I earned it, dude, I ate all my broccoli. Sheldon: And here's where we are. The runts in a large litter, unlikely to ever reach the nourishing teats of Indiana Jones. Leonard: So I guess it's a good thing we stopped for dinner. Raj: You know, guys, when facing disappointment, Eat, Pray, Love teaches us- Howard: Oh, shut up. Scene: Penny's apartment. Amy: So anyway, to make a long story short, turns out I have an unusually firm cervix. Penny: You know Amy, when we say girl talk, it doesn't just have to be about our lady parts. Amy: Shame. 'Cause I have a real zinger about my titled uterus. Bernadette: Penny, your nails look great. Penny: Oh, thanks. I found this place in Alhambra. It's in a woman's basement. I think it's a front for human trafficking, but they do a really good job. Amy: A colleague of mine did her graduate thesis on the fungus that grows on improperly sterilized manicure implements. Well don't tell me that's not girl talk. Penny: So where should we go tonight? A bar? A club? A movie? Bernadette: Or we could just stay here. Amy: Yes, and continue to bond. I have a feeling that after tonight, one of you will become my best friend forever. Or BFF, if you prefer. Which I don't. Penny: All right, time to open Bachelor Number Two. Bernadette: Gee, I don't know if I should drink more. I have to drive home, and I've got enough trouble seeing over the dashboard as it is. Penny: That's okay. Y ou can just sleep here. Amy: Oh, good, a slumber party! We'll do makeovers, initiate phony phone calls, and have spirited pillow fights in our frilly nighties! Penny: Oh, gosh, Amy. I don't know if I would call this an actual slumber party. Amy: Well, that's disappointing. I've always wanted to be invited to a slumber party. Bernadette: Oh, you never were? Penny: Not even when you were a kid? Amy: Well, there was the time I had my tonsils out, and I shared a room with a little Vietnamese girl. She didn't make it through the night, but up till then, it was kind of fun. Penny: Okay. Well, I guess we're having a slumber party. Oh! Amy: Pillow fight! Scene: The movie line. Leonard: Oh, I hope they let us in soon. I'm tired of running to the gas station to use the bathroom. The guy makes me buy a Gatorade every time. It's a vicious circle. Howard: Too bad you don't have a stadium pal like me. Leonard: What's a stadium pal? Howard: Let me put it this way, takes care of the bathroom problem, and it keeps your calf warm. Raj: Hey, guys, bad news. I just did a quick calculation. Given the size of the theatre and the length of this line, we might not get seats. Sheldon: What did he say? Leonard: Nice going, Raj, just got him down for his nap. Sheldon: We might not get seats? Leonard: It's fine, it's fine. Go back to sleep. Sheldon: Oh, I informed you thusly. I so informed you thusly. Leonard: Howard, you talk to him. Howard? You're peeing, aren't you? Wil Wheaton: Hey, look who's here! Hey, buddies! Sheldon: Well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton, the Jar Jar Binks of the Star Trek universe. Wil: Mee-sa think that very funny. Sheldon: Well, you-sa can go think that at the back of the line. No cuts, no buts, no coconuts. Theatre Staff: Wil Wheaton. Wil: Yeah. Theatre Staff: I'm a big fan. Sheldon: Of what? Poorly executed beards? Wil: Do you think you could get me and my friends into the movie? We got here a little late. Theatre Staff: No problem. Come on, I'll hook you up. Wil: Oh, awesome. We-sa gonna go into the movie now. Bye-bye. Sheldon: This is Indiana Jones, not Star Trek. There should be no value to his pseudo-celebrity here. And even at Star Trek conventions, they only let him in if he helps set up. Leonard: Calm down, Sheldon. Sheldon: I will not calm down. This affront to justice and decency cannot go unanswered. As Captain Jean-Luc Picard once said, the line must be drawn here! This far, no farther! Leonard: Had to wake him up from his nap, didn't you? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Penny's apartment. Bernadette: You know what I really love about Howard? His chest hair. Penny: Howard has a hairy chest? Bernadette: No, just the one. But it's really long. Penny: Okay, there you go, Sultry Sunrise Red. What do you think? Amy: My nails have never looked so pretty before. Get it off. Scene: The movie line. Raj: Oh, oh, uh, looks like they're getting ready to let people in. Sheldon: Listen to what Mr. Wil Wheaton is tweeting. Best seats in house for Raiders screening. Suck on that, Sheldon Cooper. Leonard: Why do you read his Twitter feed? You know it's only going to upset you. Sheldon: I believe in knowing my enemy, Leonard. Had Twitter existed at the time, would not General Custer have followed the tweets of Sitting Bull? Would not Lee have followed Grant? Would not Spy have followed Spy? I have more examples, but excuse me. (On phone) Hello. Well, this seems like an odd time to test my cell phone quality, but go on. Test phrases? All right. Imatote. Ulbu. Twad. All together? I'm a total buttwad. Why are you laughing? Hello? Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: And that, girls, is how you make a phony phone call. Amy: I'm not sure I grasp the full entertainment value, but all right. Next on Wikipedia's list of slumber party activities, Truth or Dare. Penny: Okay, it's your game. You go first. Amy: Hang on. I'm familiarizing myself with the rules. Seems fairly straightforward. Bernadette, truth or dare? Bernadette: Truth. Amy: All right. To what temperature must you heat beef in order to kill the prion that causes bovine spongiform encephalopathy? Bernadette: Um. Amy: Remember, you have to answer honestly. Penny: Wait. No, Amy, you're supposed to ask her something personal or embarrassing. Amy: Oh. All right. What is the circumference of your areolas? Scene: The movie line. Sheldon: Munching on complimentary popcorn. Woot, woot. Oh, the gall. I hope his next tweet is popcorn lodged in trachea, choking to death, woot, woot. Theatre staff: Guys, I am sorry. We are full up. Sheldon: No! Theatre staff: We're full up. Leonard: We really want to see this. Is there anything you can do? Theatre staff: Sorry. Fire regulations. Should've gotten here earlier. Sheldon: This is nothing but a blatant abuse of power by a petty functionary. Explain to me why Wil Wheaton and his lackeys get in and we don't. Theatre staff: 'Cause I'm the petty functionary with the clipboard, bitch. Howard: I guess that's that. Let's go home. Sheldon: You know what? I'm going back to I told you so. I told you so. Raj: We can still see something. Uh, the new Sandra Bullock movie is playing two blocks away. You know Sandy B always brings it. Sheldon: Look, a side door. Come on, Short Round. Howard: I guess we'd better go after him. Leonard: Short Round? Raj: Indy's young sidekick from Temple of Doom. Leonard: Yeah, I know who it is, but why is it me? Raj: You're right. It should be a cuddly Asian boy. Like me. Scene: Penny's apartment. Amy: And Absolon hath kist hir nether yea, and Nicholas is scalded in the towte. This tale is doon, and God save al the rowte." Penny: What the hell was that? Amy: Bernadette dared me to tell a dirty story. The Miller's Tale by Chaucer is the dirtiest story I know. It would have been hidden in sock drawers if people in the 14th century had worn socks. Bernadette: I thought it was pretty spicy. Especially the part where he kisses her nether yea. Amy: You might not like it as much if you knew what nether yea meant. Hint, if one cares about hygiene, one ought not be kissing it. Bernadette: Okay, my turn. Penny, truth or dare? Penny: Truth. Bernadette: Why are you still hanging out with Leonard so much even though you broke up with him? Amy: Oh, that's an excellent question. For two people who claim to be no longer pair-bonded, you spend an inordinate amount of time in each other's company. Bernadette: Yeah. Penny: Dare. Amy: I don't believe the rules allow for an ex post facto option change. Bernadette: Yeah. Penny: Okay, look, just because we're not seeing each other anymore doesn't mean we can't be friends. I mean, Leonard's a great guy. Amy: Then, why did you terminate your relationship with him? Penny: I don't know. He got really serious, and I wasn't ready for it. Amy: Interesting. How will you react if, in the future, you become ready for it, and Leonard is unavailable, because another woman has realized that he is, to use your words, a great guy? Penny: You can only ask one question. Amy and Bernadette together: That one. Penny: You know what, I don't want to play anymore. Amy: Well, I'm not sure how this is scored, but I believe we may have won. Scene: The movie theatre. Leonard: Sheldon? Sheldon? Howard: Where did he go? (Raj whistles) We're looking for Sheldon, not Marmaduke. Sheldon: You whistled? Leonard: What is that? Sheldon: Raiders of the Lost Ark, with 21 additional seconds. If I can't see it, no one else can see it. Leonard: Sheldon, this is crazy. Sheldon: No. Crazy was leaving the projection booth unattended. Leonard: Listen to me. You are over-tired. You're not thinking right. Put the movie back before we get into trouble. Sheldon: Trouble is my middle name, Leonard. Actually, it's Lee, but I prefer Trouble. Wil Wheaton: Oh, look who they let in. Sheldon: Don't worry, Wil Wheaton. I was just leaving. Da-da-da-da, da-da-da! Howard: Come on, Short Round. Leonard: Yeah. Scene: Outside the movie theatre. Sheldon: Da-da-da-da, da-da-da! Raj: Come on, guys! Hurry up! Hurry up! Howard: Let's see you run with a bag of urine strapped to your leg. Wil: He's got the movie! Get him! Sheldon: Why is there never a pontoon plane when you need one? Scene: Penny's apartment. Bernadette: She's been in there a long time. Amy: Clearly, losing Truth or Dare upset her. Perhaps we should try to take her mind off it with another popular slumber party activity. Bernadette: Ooh, like what? Amy: Well, the Internet suggests that slumber party guests often engage in harmless experimentation with lesbianism. Bernadette: Where exactly on the Internet have you been looking? Amy: Penny? Penny: Oh, hey, Amy. Look, I'm sorry I got so upset. I just,whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa! What are you doing? Amy: Don't worry. I'll avoid the nether yea. Bernadette: I might have gone with eating raw cookie dough.

The men try to attend a screening of "Raiders of the Lost Ark" with 21 seconds of previously unseen footage, but are displaced by Wil Wheaton and his friends cutting in front of them. Sheldon then steals the film from the theater. Meanwhile, Amy gets herself invited to a "girls' night" with Penny and Bernadette. She turns out to be an awkward participant, while Penny becomes defensive when the others ask her why she ended her romance with Leonard.

fd_Torchwood_3x05

fd_Torchwood_3x05_0

Previously... Shot of children in schoolyard, stopped. CHILDREN (voice-over) : We are coming. [SCENE_BREAK] Children in Rhiannon Davies' home, all standing and pointing in the same direction. CHILDREN (voice-over) : We are coming. [SCENE_BREAK] The pillar of fire cutting down through the clouds over Thames House. [SCENE_BREAK] Floor 13, where Frobisher and Dekker recoil from the light. CHILDREN (voice-over) : We are coming. [SCENE_BREAK] Shot of the fiery descent of the 456 into the tank. CHILDREN (voice-over) : We are coming. Quick CUT to : 456 flippers and snot hitting the glass. Quick CUT to : Clem screaming and holding hands over bloody ears, Gwen holding him. Quick CUT to : People in Thames House screaming, fleeing for their lives. Quick CUT to : The 456 behind the glass of their tank. 456 : We want ten percent of the children of this world. [SCENE_BREAK] The child attached to the 456, as seen in Day Four. FROBISHER (voice-over) : And if we refuse ? [SCENE_BREAK] More panicking people running down the steps, trying to get out of Thames House. 456 (voice-over) : We will wipe out your entire species. [SCENE_BREAK] A shot of a door closing in a vent shaft. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack and Ianto in the Hub, from Day One. JACK : I can survive anything but you can't. [SCENE_BREAK] A shot of gas filling the tank, from Day Three. [SCENE_BREAK] Ianto abruptly collapsing, from Day Four. JACK : No, no, no, no, no, no, not him ! [SCENE_BREAK] A shot of the people in Thames House beating themselves futilely against the sealed, shatterproof outer doors. They begin to sag and collapse, already dying. 456 (voice-over) : And tomorrow your people will deliver the children. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack leaning to place one last kiss on Ianto's lips. Opening credits A moment of snow and static fills the screen, like the tracking on a videotape; then Gwen, facing straight into the camera, shadow covering her lower face. Her voice sounds tinny, as if we're watching a recording. GWEN : There's always one thing I meant to ask Jack, back in the old days. I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. The man who appears out of nowhere and saves the world, except sometimes he doesn't. As she speaks, images flash onto the screen, also looking as if they're playing on a screen : children being torn from their mothers' arms by soldiers; children crying on buses, being driven off; mothers raging, shouting in protest. GWEN : All those times in history when there was no sign of him. I wanted to know why not. But I don't need to ask anymore. I know the answer now. Sometimes the Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame. I'm recording this in case anyone ever finds it, so you can see... you can see how the world ended. The picture blurs and goes to static. [SCENE_BREAK] A shot of London, overlooking the Thames River. [SCENE_BREAK] A closer shot of Downing Street. PRIME MINISTER (voice-over) : Today we're taking steps to safeguard your children. The schools are being opened again. [SCENE_BREAK] A shot of the Prime Minister on a television screen as his speech continues. PRIME MINISTER : And we urge all of you to send your children back to their classes straightaway. We see the Davies family all sitting together on the couch, watching the Prime Minister's speech. PRIME MINISTER : Government representatives will be visiting certain schools to discuss a series of inoculations. DAVID (over the ongoing speech) : What's inoculations ? RHIANNON : Injections. DAVID : I don't wanna go to school. RHIANNON : You're not goin', either. You're stayin' put. Just like your uncle Ianto said, don't trust any of 'em. MICA : But the man said we got to go. RHIANNON : And I know for a fact he's lyin'. PRIME MINISTER : These inoculations are to protect your children. [SCENE_BREAK] Frobisher's wife and daughters watching the speech. PRIME MINISTER : These inoculations are safe. These inoculations will guarantee no repeat of the problems of the past four days. [SCENE_BREAK] The Davies living room. RHIANNON : David, on your feet. Go to the Baxters' opposite, then go to Sally's and go to Mrs. Singh. Tell 'em we'll have the kids, only free of charge. JOHNNY : It's ten quid a kid ! RHIANNON : Shut it, you. (To David) And run ! [SCENE_BREAK] Johnny hurrying out of the house. Rhiannon comes out of the open door behind him. RHIANNON : Tell them my brother works for the government, he said it's not safe. DAVID : Yes, mum ! [SCENE_BREAK] Green's office, with videocamera and lights, a teleprompter running as the speech goes on. General Pierce stands beside his desk, out of the camera's view. PRIME MINISTER : So I ask of you now, to cooperate, to send your children back to school, and to resume your lives as normal. [SCENE_BREAK] Frobisher's house. HOLLY : We'd better get ready for school then. FROBISHER'S WIFE : No, darling. Your father said stay at home with me. HOLLY : Why ? What's so different about us ? PRIME MINISTER (voice-over) : And as ever, I thank you for your patience, your understanding, and your faith. [SCENE_BREAK] The conference room in Downing Street. It is a hive of activity. Denise Riley approaches Prime Minster with a folder. DENISE RILEY : We've isolated two thousand, six hundred primary schools, sir. GENERAL PIERCE : I'm sorry, but you address me in all matters concerning this operation. DENISE RILEY : This information is for Mr Green. GENERAL PIERCE : You and Mr Green, and this government, have proven yourselves incapable of handling this crisis. All decisions will now go through me. You were saying ? After a moment, Denise Riley turns away from Green and faces the table. General Pierce seats himself as she speaks. DENISE RILEY : We have two thousand, six hundred primary schools listed here. We are mobilizing transport. At 1200 hours, the British Army will take the children from their schools to the designated rendezvous points. PRIME MINISTER : What if they refuse, the soldiers ? We could have a mutiny on our hands. GENERAL PIERCE : They've been told. Any soldier refusing to do his duty will make his own family liable. DENISE RILEY : So we take them to the rendez-vous points, but what then ? GENERAL PIERCE : We're about to find out. They're entering Thames House right now. [SCENE_BREAK] An overhead shot of Thames House. The shot moves in quickly on the building. [SCENE_BREAK] Colonel Oduya, taking a deep breath in the lift. It opens, and waiting for him is Dekker. Oduya walks up to him, looking distracted, and sniffs deeply. DEKKER : Disinfectant doesn't work. You can still smell it. There were bodies lying ten deep around those doors. They both glance at the still-open lift. COLONEL ODUYA : Mr. Dekker, I take it. You managed to survive. DEKKER : Well, I just stood back, sir. A strategy that's worked all my life. Now then. Best not keep it waiting. They proceed down the hall and into the main room of Floor 13. Armed guards flank the door and stand at points throughout the room. [SCENE_BREAK] A close shot of the murky, blue-lit tank. Colonel Oduya hands his cap to one of the guards and enters the room. The 456 make some low noise. COLONEL ODUYA : I seek audience with the 456. My name is Colonel Augustus Oduya of the Unified Intelligence Taskforce. If I might speak... The 456 interrupt by making violent screeching sounds, hurling flippers against the tank's inner walls, and spewing snot. Colonel Oduya is visibly disturbed by this display. [SCENE_BREAK] The conference room in Downing Street, still wired in to view the tank. Prime Minister watches the split-screen view of Colonel Oduya approaching the tank. [SCENE_BREAK] Floor 13 as Colonel Oduya squares himself in front of the tank. COLONEL ODUYA : We have no choice but to initiate your plan, may God help me. But I need to ask. We have designated rendez-vous points, selected Army bases in all participating countries. But once the children are assembled, what then ? How do you... collect them ? 456 : As we arrived. Observe. Colonel Oduya shifts his attention to the monitor. It displays an image of the pillar of fire that descended into Thames House. [SCENE_BREAK] The Downing Street conference room. All there are watching the same image on their main monitor. GENERAL PIERCE : Some sort of transportation device taking them God knows where. [SCENE_BREAK] Floor 13. COLONEL ODUYA : Then let me ask, not as a representative. As a father. You need these children. We've seen you hooked up to that boy, but why ? Are they keeping you alive ? 456 : No. COLONEL ODUYA : Then what are they for ? 456 : The hit. COLONEL ODUYA : I don't understand. 456 : The hit. They create chemicals. The chemicals are good. COLONEL ODUYA : Good in what way ? 456 : We feel. Good. The chemicals are good. COLONEL ODUYA : They're like drugs. The 456 react with another violent outburst. [SCENE_BREAK] The Downing Street conference room; shocked looks show on the faces of those listening. PRIME MINISTER : They're trading in drugs. [SCENE_BREAK] Floor 13. COLONEL ODUYA : You're shooting up... on children. Our children. The 456 react even more violently, banging and spewing. [SCENE_BREAK] The Downing Street conference room. GENERAL PIERCE : Let's not forget your government started this trade. You opened the market over forty years ago. Are the troops on standby ? DENISE RILEY : Yes, sir. GENERAL PIERCE : Then we begin. A clock shows the time : 08:50, ticking over to 08:51 in digital numbers. [SCENE_BREAK] An overhead shot of a primary school. Children can be seen running around in the playground. [SCENE_BREAK] The British news anchor. BRITISH NEWS : The government claims it's Britain back to normal. Schools across the country are being reopened, and parents are being allowed to return their children to a normal routine. As she speaks, images play : children walking to school, being dropped off by parents, and playing in their uniforms. BRITISH NEWS : The inoculation program will begin at midday and the World Health Organization has issued a statement guaranteeing the safety and beneficial effects of the treatments. Critics are still demanding more information but the government is simply asking for trust. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack and Gwen, sitting together in an cafeteria of some kind. They watch Frobisher and Bridget Spears walk up to them. [SCENE_BREAK] A shot of bodies laid out in the hall further down from the cafeteria, covered by tarpaulin; soldiers walk among them. It appears to be a school building, emptied for the purpose of housing the dead of Thames House. Frobisher and Spears sit down at the table. There is a long silence. Jack looks daggers at Frobisher. GWEN : The threat still stands. FROBISHER : Haven't we gone past that... GWEN : My husband is still out there with everything you've done recorded on his laptop. One word from me and he will release that information to the public. FROBISHER : What do you think Torchwood is now ? Do you think you're still players ? GWEN : We can try. FROBISHER : We're at a tipping point right now. Civilization's about to fall into hell. You want to start that descent a little earlier, go ahead. JACK : He's right. Look what happened. Phone Rhys. Tell him we've lost. Gwen gets up and walks away from the table. [SCENE_BREAK] A panoramic shot of a park with a very tall tower in the background. On a bench in the middle of the park sits Rhys. His mobile rings and he answers. RHYS : Hello ? Yeah, I'm here, I'm bloody freezin'. Where are you ? [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen in the school building. Tears run down her face. RHYS (voice-over) : You all right ? Do you want me to send the files ? GWEN : It's too late, sweetheart. They've killed him. Not just Clem, they've... they've killed Ianto. Her voice breaks on Ianto's name. [SCENE_BREAK] Rhys, looking stunned, mouthing the word "no". GWEN (voice-over) : He's dead. CUT back to : Jack, carrying on the conversation with Frobisher. JACK : What about Lois ? FROBISHER : I'm afraid Miss Habiba is in police custody, charged with espionage. JACK : Then what about my daughter and her son ? FROBISHER : They're free to go. Jack swallows and takes a breath before going on. JACK : Ianto Jones, he's got family back in South Wales, a sister. Has she been told ? FROBISHER : We're not releasing any of the names, not yet. JACK : Then let Gwen tell her. You said yourself, the world is going to hell any second. Before it does... give us a moment of grace. Just take Gwen home, please. Frobisher looks to be giving it some thought. [SCENE_BREAK] A shot of Gwen sitting with her back to a wall, her knees drawn up and her head fallen forward as she cries. JACK : I can't look at her anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] The spinning blades of a helicopter. On the helipad, Jack turns from Rhys to Gwen. He draws her into his arms and holds her for a moment, then lets her go. Gwen, Rhys, and the pilot run to the helicopter. One of the soldiers flanking him proceeds to handcuff Jack, who offers no resistance. He looks completely devastated. As she steps into the helicopter, Gwen turns to look back at Jack. He watches as the helicopter lifts off, taking Gwen and Rhys away from London. [SCENE_BREAK] A wider shot of the helipad. [SCENE_BREAK] A wider shot, showing the pad set on the bank of the Thames. [SCENE_BREAK] An even wider shot of the city. [SCENE_BREAK] A holding facility of some kind. A policeman unlocks a cell door; Jack and other policemen follow him. POLICEMAN : Cell M-3, Captain Harkness, 9:50 a.m. In the cell opposite, Lois Habiba overhears this. She gets up and goes to the tiny round hole in her door to see what's happening. LOIS : Captain, is that you ? Captain Harkness, it's me, it's Lois ! In Jack's cell, the policeman is removing his cuffs. Jack turns when he hears her, but doesn't answer. LOIS : It's Lois ! The policeman shuts Jack's cell door with a thunderous clang. LOIS : Captain ?! What are they doing, what's happening out there ? Can you hear me ? In his cell, Jack sinks to the bench. His face is empty. LOIS : What do we do ? Captain ? Jack does not respond. He closes his eyes and drops his head. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Downs. Johnson goes to a holding cell with a set of keys and unlocks the door. She opens it, revealing Alice and Steven inside. [SCENE_BREAK] The control room. Johnson leads Alice and Steven into an office. JOHNSON : You might want to take a look at this. The monitor is showing the footage from the cameraman who went into the 456's tank, specifically the child hooked up to it. As soon as she sees it, Alice turns Steven away. ALICE : Steven, come on. STEVEN : But I want to see ! Alice is gently pushing Steven out of the room. ALICE : Not now, darling, this is for grownups. JOHNSON : Suzanne, get him a Coke or something. Suzanne takes Steven into the adjacent office. FEMALE VOICE (distant) : Received and confirmed. Alice goes back into Johnson's office. JOHNSON : It's inside Thames House. An incredulous Alice watches the footage what was captured through the contacts worn by Lois, so the image of the child in the tank is on a screen going staticky. JOHNSON : All recorded by Torchwood. They're inventive, I'll give them that. That's a child, abducted in 1965. Now they want more, millions more. And in two hours' time, the government is handing them over. The image of the child's face fades to snow. [SCENE_BREAK] An overhead shot of Downing Street. CUT inside As Frobisher walks through outer offices, approaching the Prime Minister's office. He chafes his hands for a moment before knocking. PRIME MINISTER : Yes ? Frobisher enters the office. FROBISHER : You asked to see me, sir. He shuts the door behind him. Green's attention is on the document in front of him; he's writing, and his attitude is one of distraction. PRIME MINISTER : Take a seat. Frobisher sits down before the desk. FROBISHER : Terrible day. There is a long moment of silence, Green is unresponsive. FROBISHER : Sir, I was wondering... PRIME MINISTER : Your name was chosen, John. FROBISHER : Right. Good. In what way chosen ? PRIME MINISTER : The inoculation story seems to have gained some currency. He looks up at Frobisher for the first time. PRIME MINISTER : Might even be called popular. FROBISHER : Indeed. And, ah, what's that got to do with me ? PRIME MINISTER : Your children will be inoculated. FROBISHER (hesitant) : I see. PRIME MINISTER : In two hours there will be selected news media at your house. You will be seen to offer your children for treatment, this will be broadcast on every network channel at twelve o'clock midday. FROBISHER : But there is no inoculation. PRIME MINISTER : This action will help the public and show them no cause for unrest. FROBISHER : You mean I pretend they're going to be inoculated. Green suddenly returns his attention to the document on his desk. PRIME MINISTER : Your children will then be taken to one of the designated rendez-vous points, and they'll become part of the... the process. It's our duty now to think beyond this, this terrible day. And once it's over, the government must be seen as victims of the 456. We must be seen to have lost. FROBISHER : You put me on camera, I will tell people the truth. PRIME MINISTER : Then your daughters would know where they're going. Best not. Frobisher has been unravelling through this, now he stands up, shouting at Green. FROBISHER : I can't do it, I won't ! You can't make me ! PRIME MINISTER : In which case your children will be taken without you. FROBISHER : But you've seen what they do to them ! I... They're just girls, sir ! They're just girls ! They're not, they're not that... they're not... The tears can be heard in his voice, making his words hard to understand. Green won't meet Frobisher's eyes. PRIME MINISTER : I'm sorry, John. Frobisher just stares at Green in horror and disgust. PRIME MINISTER : I'm really, I'm really very sorry. Green finally looks up at Frobisher, then down at his paperwork again. PRIME MINISTER : And I'm really very busy. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the office. Frobisher closes the door behind himself and stands in the deep doorway, then begins to walk forward, looking dazed, his eyes wet. [SCENE_BREAK] An outer hallway. Frobisher emerges from a doorway. Bridget Spears stands from the bench where she's been seated, waiting for him, and approaches him. BRIDGET : What did he want ? FROBISHER : Bridget, I need a Requisition 31. BRIDGET : What for ? Frobisher wipes his nose hurriedly with his hand. FROBISHER : Quick as you can. BRIDGET : But what for, sir ? FROBISHER : Requisition 31, thank you. She looks at him for a moment longer, then goes into the doors he just came out of. He stands there composing himself, then takes a few steps to the bench, resting his hand on the back of it to hold himself upright. He turns himself and sinks down slowly. BRIDGET (voice-over) : Requisition 31. [SCENE_BREAK] Bridget, at a counter with a small window. The uniformed man on the other side of the window places a clipboard before her. SECURITY GUARD : Just sign there. He turns away as Bridget signs the document on the clipboard. [SCENE_BREAK] The outer hallway. Bridget emerges from the doors, a small rectangular metal box in her hands. She crosses to the bench where Frobisher sits and offers the box to him. After a moment, he takes it, getting to his feet. He starts to walk past Bridget, then stops, turns, and faces her, then he leans in and gives her a swift kiss on the cheek. His footsteps can be heard as he departs, but the camera stays on Bridget's face as she absorbs the impact of that kiss. [SCENE_BREAK] Cardiff : an overhead shot of the Millenium Stadium. [SCENE_BREAK] An helicopter touching down on a landing pad. A police constable in the typical neon-yellow coat is standing by a police car as Gwen gets out of the helicopter, aided by the pilot. A closer shot reveals that the man waiting is PC Andy Davidson. Gwen and Rhys run up to him. ANDY : Croeso I Gymru. Which is Welsh for "Welcome to Wales". Gwen takes Andy in for a huge hug. [SCENE_BREAK] The police car heading down a street. ANDY : Everyone's on standby. It's red alert, riot gear and everything, all ready to mobilise, except no one's saying why. What's going on ? GWEN : I can't tell you. ANDY : I am the police... GWEN : Right now, Andy, I need you to drive this car, and if I told you... She trails off. ANDY : What ? Well, come on then, what ? Don't you bloody hate people who don't finish their sentences. RHYS : Hey, she's pregnant. GWEN : Thank you. Who's she when she's at home ? ANDY : Bloody hellfire. Who's the father ? RHYS : Oh, I'm slappin' you, yeah ? The car is now on the street overlooking the Cromwell Estates. GWEN : It's Torchwood. That's what did it. They give you Retcon, and chemicals, and radiation and God knows what. Bloody Pill didn't stand a chance. That's what Torchwood does, you see. It ruins your life. RHYS : How's it ruined ? GWEN : You wanna have kids in a world like this, Rhys. RHYS : You're not gettin' rid of it. GWEN : Is that right ? Rhys looks out the window, swallowing. GWEN : Take the next left. Ianto's sister lives at the Cromwell Estate. [SCENE_BREAK] The conference room. At least four people are typing on laptops; the room is busy and tense. The digital clock ticks over from 10:59 to 11:00. DENISE RILEY : Eleven o'clock, one hour to go. GENERAL PIERCE : Are we in position ? DENISE RILEY : The troops are moving in, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] A military base, where men in uniform are loading into troop carrier vehicles. They carry guns. CUT back to : The conference room, where the activity has stepped up a notch. A map on a monitor shows the text : STAGE 3 ACTIVE. It has a map of London and the following additional information : London 80.2%. Whittington Road Primary School. Longitude: -0.14561, Latitude: 51.47617. Headteacher: Nora Shariff. Gender : Mixed. Age Range : 3-11. Number of pupils on roll : 1218. Religious character non-denominational. Specialist status not applicable. Key Stage 2 Average 22.1. The image of the map on the monitor zooms in to show a live satellite image of the school. [SCENE_BREAK] An overhead image of the school. We hear schoolchildren at a lesson, chanting in unison. CHILDREN : Two, four, six, eight, ten... [SCENE_BREAK] A shot of the children in their classroom. The teacher stands at the front of the room, holding up a painted ruler and moving her finger along it to indicate what number they're on as the children count along in time. CHILDREN : Twelve, fourteen, sixteen, eighteen, twenty, eighteen, sixteen... The counting continues in voice-over as we CUT to : The troop carrier vehicles rolling out. The music rises, obscuring some of the numbers chanted aloud. CHILDREN (voice-over) : Fourteen, twelve, ten, eight. Twenty, eighteen, sixteen, fourteen, twelve, ten, eight... [SCENE_BREAK] The children counting. [SCENE_BREAK] The vehicles driving out from the military base, gate raised to let them pass, barbed wire at the foreground of the shot. CHILDREN (voice-over) : Six, four, two, zero. [SCENE_BREAK] A black car pulling into the driveway of a house. Reporters gathered outside immediately begin taking pictures. Policemen can be seen holding the reporters back as the camera shows Frobisher in the back seat of the car. The car passes the press and moves on. [SCENE_BREAK] The holding facility where Jack and Lois are being detained. A guard opens the barred door at the end of the hallway, admitting Bridget Spears. He ushers her in, closes the door behind her, and then unlocks one of the cell doors. Inside, Lois sits on the bench, legs drawn up to her body and arms folded on them; she looks up warily. Bridget enters the room; Lois watches as the guard sets down a chair for her. BRIDGET : Thank you. As the door closes behind him, Bridget sits in the chair, facing Lois, who is still drawn up into herself. Bridget lets out a breath. BRIDGET : I've come to tell you how we met. LOIS : Who ? BRIDGET : How I met John Frobisher. It was thirty years ago. You weren't even born. I was on attachment to the civil service, only for six months. Her speech continues in voice-over. [SCENE_BREAK] The driver holding the car door open as Frobisher emerges, walking down the front path into the house. The reporters continue to call from beyond the low garden wall, though the policemen urges them off, as he lets himself in and shuts the door behind himself. Quiet music plays under Bridget's words. From this point, there is no volume for any of Frobisher's scenes. BRIDGET (voice-over) : And just down the corridor, there he was. You wouldn't think it to look at him now, but he was a clumsy thing, always losing his key. Mr Swales never thought he'd amount to much, but I thought, well. In the house, Frobisher greets his daughters as they run up to him, hugging them tight. CUT back to : Bridget, looking off as if into memory. BRIDGET : Keep an eye on that one. And all the others came and went, the high flyers, they burnt out or went on to something better. And do you know what John Frobisher did ? [SCENE_BREAK] Frobisher talking to his daughters, his wife behind them. We cannot hear what he is saying, but it must be a command, as they give him mildly resentful looks, then walk past him. His wife still looks confused. The girls climb the stairs. CUT back to Bridget BRIDGET : He kept working. Head down, worked hard, all his life. It was another ten years before we actually worked in the same office. He asked for me. [SCENE_BREAK] Frobisher moving in to kiss his wife on each cheek and hug her tightly. BRIDGET (voice-over) : I didn't think he even knew my name. CUT back to Bridget BRIDGET : And we made quite the team. I'm not saying he was perfect. You know that, better than me. But he worked hard, he always worked hard, I don't think that's valued enough these days, hard work. [SCENE_BREAK] Frobisher, apparently now telling his wife the same thing he told the girls. She's reluctant, there appears to be a minor argument, but then she climbs the stairs too, looking back at him. As soon as she's gone, he turns away. He lays his briefcase on the kitchen table. CUT to Bridget BRIDGET : He was a good man. I want you to know that. John Frobisher was a good man. [SCENE_BREAK] Frobisher. He has the metal box from before on top of his briefcase, and he opens the hinged lid to take out a gun. His hand trembles violently. BRIDGET (voice-over) : Because when the history of this is written, they'll talk about the ministers, and the soldiers, and the things with numbers for names... CUT back to Bridget BRIDGET : And I think people will forget how very good he was. She has to take a moment to compose herself. CUT back to : Frobisher as he climbs the stairs, holding the gun behind his back. BRIDGET (voice-over) : I want you to remember him like that. CUT back to Bridget BRIDGET : If ever you think of John Frobisher, just remember that it wasn't his fault. [SCENE_BREAK] Frobisher, ascending the stairs. The film is slowed down now, so that he moves gracefully. The girls are on the bed, wrestling with pillows, their mother sits beside them. Frobisher enters the room, reaching for the door with his free hand, and shuts it behind himself. The music continues to play as the camera pulls back from the door, and then, in quick succession, three gunshots ring out, startlingly loud. Moments later, a fourth follows. [SCENE_BREAK] Bridget, watching Lois. BRIDGET : Now. I think I should get back to work. The guard lets her out of Lois's cell, and Lois walks back down to the entrance of the corridor, waiting while the guard unlocks the door to let them out. [SCENE_BREAK] The Cromwell Estate. Andy, Gwen and Rhys get out of the car. GWEN : Rhys, you stay here. Give us a shout if anything happens. ANDY : Like what ? GWEN : Just keep an eye out, yeah ? Rhys stays by the car while Gwen and Andy start down the walk, talking as they approach the building. ANDY : You know Ianto ? GWEN : Mm-hmm. ANDY : Was he gay ? GWEN : Shut up. ANDY : They might not know ! GWEN : Well, in which case, do not say ! ANDY : Well, that proves my point. GWEN : Look, listen, there's a lot more going on. You've just got to trust me. OK, she's got two kids, we need to find out where they are. That's why we need a car. We might have to pick them up from school and take them back to mine, OK ? ANDY : Back to yours ? What for ? GWEN : Andy, we've gotta look after these kids, just do what I say. Andy rings the doorbell, giving Gwen a dismayed look. GWEN : Please. He sighs and seems to acknowledge this as they turn toward the door. Rhiannon opens it a moment later, looking from Gwen to Andy. ANDY : Hello, I'm Police Constable Andy... RHIANNON : You're not shutting me down. We've got food, we've got drinks, proper drinks, and I got permission off their parents. Come on ! Have a look, I'm not apologising. Defiantly, she waves them into the house. After a moment, Andy follows, then Gwen. Rhys is left waiting by the car. Inside, the house is full of children, while Johnny plays on the video game system. Rhiannon leads Gwen and Andy into the chaotic main room. RHIANNON : Johnny. JOHNNY (on seeing Andy) : Ugh, go and do a proper job. RHIANNON : I know I need a licence for a creche, I'm not thick. This is emergency circumstances, right ? I'm not trusting the telly. The camera pans around the room, taking in the youngers crowding it. ANDY : If we could have a word in private. RHIANNON : They're not even paying, so it can't be illegal, right ? ANDY : No, I know, it's not about the kids, just need a word if we could. GWEN : How many are there ? JOHNNY : Nineteen. GWEN : What are they doing here ? JOHNNY : Well, they're not going to go to school, no way. If they want 'em, they'll have to come and get 'em. ANDY : I just need a word. Gwen's gaze sweeps around the room as we're briefly taken back into her memory of leaving Jack at the helicopter pad in England. Jack embraces her, and as he does, he whispers in her ear. JACK : They've got kids. Ianto's niece and nephew. Save them. Back in the present moment, Gwen continues to look for the children. In the conference room, the digital clock ticks over from 11:59 to 12:00. DENISE RILEY : Do we begin ? PRIME MINISTER : We've got no choice. GENERAL PIERCE : You don't give the orders, Mr Green. Stage One. Mobilise. The monitor shows a map of England with a close-up of London to the left, the text "Target Schools" beneath it. Several locations are marked on the map by green dots. [SCENE_BREAK] An overhead shot of a school. A troop carrier rolls up before it, then another. The vehicles stop and soldiers jump out of the back. Next, a tall yellow bus drives in, then another. The soldiers run across the empty concrete playground, apparently surrounding the school. Inside, with soldiers lining the hall, children are led out in a line as a schoolteacher protests. TEACHER : I don't care who you are, you haven't got the authority to just march in here and... Mr Patel ! They, they can't just... Further down the hall, a man in a suit, presumably Mr Patel, simply nods to the teacher as if, in fact, the soldiers have every authority. TEACHER : They said inoculations, not... Where are you taking them ? Excuse me, where are you taking them ?! Outside, the children are being marched into a yellow bus. Among the onlookers is a mother of one of the children; she runs up to one of the soldiers. CHRISTOPHER'S MOTHER : What's going on, what are you doing ? SOLDIER : Stay on the other side of the road, thank you. CHRISTOPHER'S MOTHER : But my boy's in there ! The schoolteacher is outside now, still yelling at the soldiers, increasingly strident. TEACHER : Taking them off the school premises, you just can't ! Where are you taking them ?! One of the children, the son of the woman who protested, makes a break for it. CHRISTOPHER'S MOTHER : Christopher ! Christopher ! The soldier physically restrains the woman as another soldier catches up to the boy and carries him back. CHRISTOPHER'S MOTHER : That's my son ! That's my bloody son ! TEACHER : You can't take them off the school premises ! As soon as the bus is full, it is driven off, with the children seated inside visibly crying. Christopher's mother shouts and screams, but her protests, and those of the other parents, fall on deaf ears. Some of the parents, including Christopher's mother, give chase to the bus. [SCENE_BREAK] Rhiannon and Johnny's house. In a small storage closet, Rhiannon cries while Johnny holds her, rubbing her back. JOHNNY : It's OK, it's OK, let it out. Gwen and Andy watch as Rhiannon cries. JOHNNY : He didn't say anything about my car, did he ? GWEN : No. ANDY : Sorry. GWEN : No, and there's something else. Something he wanted me to tell you, and I'm sorry, it's going to hurt you... RHIANNON : You can get out. GWEN : I knew Ianto properly, I've worked with him for years. JOHNNY : Come on. GWEN : No. JOHNNY : Leave her alone. GWEN : I did, I really, I did. We were a team, we did all these things together. And he'd always be fussing about his bloody coffee, yeah ? RHIANNON : Yeah. GWEN : And he'd be talking about you, all the time, you and the kids. And his dad. That's Ianto, he was always so proud of his dad. RHIANNON : What did he say about him ? GWEN : About his job and things. RHIANNON : What job was that ? GWEN : He said he was a master tailor. RHIANNON : He worked in Debenhams ! If Ianto gave you that old sh1t then you didn't know him at all ! Off of Gwen's betrayed look, [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down. In a large, empty room, some of the soldiers are entertaining Steven with an improvised game of footie. Alice watches from her seat on a nearby crate, smiling. Johnson approaches her, offering a styrofoam cup. JOHNSON : Here you go. ALICE : Thanks. She sips at the beverage. JOHNSON : It's started. Alice lowers the cup, looking up at Johnson. ALICE : Jesus. She turns to look at Steven again. [SCENE_BREAK] The conference room. GENERAL PIERCE : Numbers ? DENISE RILEY : We're looking at an uptake of about sixty percent. As predicted, a lot of the children in the target area have stayed at home. GENERAL PIERCE : Then we'd better go and get them. Stage Two. Mobilise. [SCENE_BREAK] The Cromwell Estate. A troop carrier drives into shot, turning onto the road of the estate, followed by another. A shot of Andy's car shows Rhys noticing this activity. The trucks come to a stop in the middle of the road, next to each other, and soldiers pour out of them. Rhys goes running to the Davies house. Inside the house, Gwen approaches Rhiannon and Johnny. GWEN : I swear on my life you have got to get those kids out of this house. Is there anywhere you can take them ? I don't know, anywhere safe ? ANDY : Gwen, now, come on. GWEN : What ? Behind them is the sound of a door opening. Rhys appears behind them. RHYS : They're here. Outside, the soldiers continue to emerge from one carrier as another rolls past. They're carrying riot gear. Gwen, Andy, Rhys, Johnny, and Rhiannon come out of the house's front door to see this. GWEN : Oh, God. Look, I haven't got time to explain, OK ? But they're coming for your kids, I swear. JOHNNY : Don't be stupid. GWEN : Shut up. They're going to come into your house, and they're going to take your kids, and I'm sorry, but you've got to believe me. That's why Ianto died, OK ? He was trying to stop them. They're gonna come and they're gonna take your kids. You'll never see them again. Never. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down and the ongoing footie game. STEVEN : Hey. SOLDIER : Hey ! JOHNSON : He'll be fine. The nice kids are safe. If you're gonna get rid of ten percent, then take the ten percent you don't want. All those kids on street corners, we've finally got rid of them. ALICE : While everyone else just stays indoors ? Ninety percent just hugging their kids, not making a sound, just like they did before. I don't even know your name. JOHNSON : I protect the state. I was brought up to believe in and protect the state. ALICE : Not much good now, are you ? Even if ninety percent look the other way, what sort of world are you leaving behind ? I swear to you, if your duty is to protect the state above and beyond any other authority, then the one person you need right now is Jack Harkness. [SCENE_BREAK] The holding facility where Jack and Lois are being kept. The guard opens the hatch in the door of Jack's cell. He sits with his head bowed and fingers interlaced, thumbs pressed to the bridge of his nose. The guard closes the hatch again and goes to the opposite cell to look into the window of Lois's door. Suddenly, a group of armed men in black burst into the hallway at both ends, shouting at the guard. SOLDIER : On the floor ! On the floor ! Hearing the commotion, Jack leaps to his feet, going to the door to try and see what's happening. SOLDIER : Stay down ! One of the armed men knocks the guard to the floor. In her cell, Lois goes to the window in the door. The men open Jack's door. JACK : What's going on ? Hey ! SOLDIER : Move. They drag him out of the cell and rush him down the hall. LOIS : Captain ! SOLDIER : Go ! Go ! LOIS : What's happening ? She bangs on her door. LOIS : Captain Harkness ! Captain Harkness ! The soldiers scurry out, closing the barred door behind them as the guard gets to his feet. [SCENE_BREAK] An helicopter flying over London. The view of the city focuses in on a tall tower with a helipad on top. As the shot moves in closer, Jack can be seen with four of the armed men in black. He is still handcuffed. The helicopter comes to a landing. [SCENE_BREAK] The storeroom where Dekker kept the original equipment from the 1965 visit. Other men in black are loading everything they can into wire baskets. Outside the room, Dekker approaches, removing his coat and opening the door, apparently unaware of the intruders; he enters the room to see them rifling through his things. DEKKER : Here, what are you doing ? One of them neatly clocks him with the butt of a rifle, knocking him out. [SCENE_BREAK] The Cromwell Estate. Soldiers are moving around on the road. GWEN (voice-over) : Yeah, they're spies. Hush now, darling. Nice and quiet. CUT inside the Davies house Gwen is putting a pink coat on a little girl. GWEN : Don't make a sound, that's right, like a game, yeah ? ANDY (into the radio on his jacket) : Alpha one-eight-six to Control. Is anyone there ? GWEN : Fingers on lips. She puts her finger to her lips and the little girl imitates her. RHIANNON : Now, you don't make a noise until we get there, OK ? You stay nice and quiet, and I'll get you some sweets, yeah ? RHYS : Where is this place ? RHIANNON : It's down by the field, it's all boarded up. GWEN : Right, look. We've gotta go, right now. RhiANNON : OK. Come on, everyone. She continues the same general encouraging words under Andy's next line. ANDY : Alpha one-eight-six to Control. Can you hear me ? RHIANNON : Come on, everyone, we're like spies. We're playing spies. Now, come on. That's it, no one makes a sound. She and Rhys begin to herd the children out the back door in a line. GWEN : Are you coming ? Andy ? Andy, looking mutinous, goes out the front door. Gwen looks back at him, but she can't wait any longer, she follows the others out the back. Andy emerges from the front, hat in hand, as a line of soldiers run up to a nearby door. ANDY : Control, this is Alpha one-eight-six. What's going on ? In back, Gwen and Rhys begin to lead the kids out. From the back, one of the troop carriers and some of the soldiers standing by it can be plainly seen. Rhys lifts the first girl into his arms. RHYS : Take it easy. Take it easy, come on. He leads them along. Rhiannon is further down the line. RHYS : Hurry, come on. Come on. Keep tight, yeah. JOHNNY : Rhi ! More soldiers run up to another house and bang on the door. Inside, a woman can be heard shouting. WOMAN : What the hell are you doing ? Johnny comes out of the house next, jogging up to Rhiannon. JOHNNY : You take them. I'm going out the front. Somebody's gotta stop them. RHIANNON : No, Johnny, don't be stupid. JOHNNY : It's not just us, you daft sod. He kisses Rhiannon briefly, then goes. Soldiers are breaking into the houses now, and Gwen exhorts the children to move faster. They run along behind a low wall. Johnny's out front, running down the street to some other men who are standing on a corner. JOHNNY : Danno ! Where's Richie ? Go get him, get Sammy, get all the boys. MAN 1 : What's happening ? MAN 2 : What is it ? Another man, presumably Danno, starts off. MEN : What's wrong, what's wrong ? JOHNNY : All that stuff on the news, all that inoculation stuff, it's bollocks, right ? The government has sold us out. They're coming to get our kids, and we're not getting them back, boys, right ? We got to stop them ? Another man runs up during this speech, into which the other men interject exclamations. Andy can be seen nearby as the soldiers move from one house to the next. JOHNNY : We got to stop them... The music is rising and Johnny's words become lost in the shouting. A line of soldiers forms up with clear riot shields and sticks. Johnny continues to shout, urging the other men on, and together the group, now larger, begins to march toward the soldiers. Other soldiers are carrying children screaming out of a house. At this sight, the crowd breaks and runs toward the soldiers, throwing bricks as they come. The children are running in a line now, around a long brick wall and out of sight, as Johnny's mob engages with the soldiers. Another soldier continues to carry a screaming girl toward a troop carrier. Two other soldiers restrain the girl's father. Gwen, Rhys, and their charges run down and across a street, away from the violence. Johnny punches one soldier, then goes for another. Across the street, Andy looks on, his eyes angry. The soldiers are bearing Johnny down. Another child is taken from a nearby house, his mother in pursuit and stopped by more soldiers. WOMAN : No ! Give him back ! Give him back ! Suddenly, Andy's had all he can take. He tears off the police jacket and the flak jacket underneath, undoing his belt, and wades into the fray. The children with Gwen, Rhys and Rhiannon continue to run. Andy belts one soldier. Another pushes Johnny down and holds him with his stick to Johnny's neck. Andy's punched in the stomach by another soldier, who pushes him down to the pavement, getting the stick against the back of Andy's neck. Rhys is leading the children away from the estate, past a fence, down a gravel road to a couple of sheds; all are running as fast as they can go. Rhys puts down the little girl so that he can kick in a piece of corrugated-tin siding, and he ducks inside, holding it to let everyone in and directing them to go further in. Gwen is the last, and Rhys shifts the piece of siding to cover the opening again. DAVID : Oh, it's stinking ! RHIANNON (whispering) : Keep your voice down. The children all find places to sit, and Gwen kneels to talk to them. GWEN : Yeah, what I need you to do is to be as quiet as you possibly can, like mice. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down, where Dekker is being escorted down a hallway by four of the men in black. Further down the hall, Alice sits with Steven. As the group passes them, Alice stands, and then Steven does as well when he sees who's coming next. STEVEN : Uncle Jack ! He runs at Jack, who also has an escort (which includes Johnson) and who is still handcuffed. JACK : Hey, soldier ! Steven hugs Jack, grinning. JOHNSON : We haven't got time ! JACK : Listen, stay with your mom, OK ? Steven goes back to Alice, and Jack and his escort continue down the hallway. Jack looks at Alice as he goes by, but they have no time to talk. Suzanne is behind them, and Alice approaches her. ALICE : Sorry, would you... She bends to kiss Steven on the cheek. ALICE : I'll be back. She hurries after Jack. Suzanne leads Steven away. Dekker and Jack are brought into the big open area previously used for footie. Dekker's equipment has been brought here as well, and lights are set up to illuminate the empty space. Dekker and Jack are led into the center of the circle of equipment; their cuffs are undone. JOHNSON : This should be everything you need. And if it's not, we'll find it. JACK : For what ? JOHNSON : Wavelengths. The 456 are named after a wavelength, and that's got to be the key to fighting back. DEKKER : You're wasting your time. There's nothing you can do. I've analysed those transmissions for forty years and never broke 'em. Without batting an eyelash, Johnson turns, draws, and fires. Dekker shouts in pain and collapses to the floor. She reholsters her gun and returns her attention to Jack. JOHNSON : What do you think, Captain ? She told me you were good. Was she right ? At "she", she nods slightly to Alice, who's standing back a bit behind Jack. Jack turns to look at Alice, and for the first time in quite a while, a smile comes to Jack's face. JACK : Let's get to work. He takes off his coat and walks off to get started. Johnson begins to smile. Over the classic Torchwood music, Jack starts to it, going to a keyboard. JACK : Get me access to the Torchwood software. He goes to a laptop and starts typing. JACK : Log on to the servers and... A computer-generated sound almost like a voice comes up as Jack gets into the server. JACK : Welcome back. Dekker's behind him, leaning on a crate, his injured leg wrapped with a bandage. DEKKER : It still won't work. There's nothing on there. It's useless. JACK : We've got technology way beyond you. DEKKER : We hacked into Torchwood years ago, you idiot. There's nothing. JOHNSON : Bring him over here. ALICE : Dad, come and look at this. She's at another laptop. Dekker groans as two of the soldiers lift him to his feet. Jack joins Alice at her laptop. ALICE : It's some sort of pirate station. They're trying to get the story out to the public. But they're taking the kids. On the laptop, we see video of the school busses rolling by, one after another, each full of children. WOMAN : We're broadcasting this on digital one four one. It's the kids ! Tell everyone to tune in to one four one. The shot cuts to an image of a bus disappearing behind chickenwire fencing. [SCENE_BREAK] A troop carrier leaving an army base, followed by school bus after school bus. The busses are driven up to a line of soldiers standing in wait. The children inside are let out and guided away in lines. [SCENE_BREAK] The shed where Gwen, Rhys, Rhiannon, and the children are hiding. The children fidget nervously, but are generally quiet. The wind can be heard, rattling the tin of the building. Gwen is holding the small girl who was carried by Rhys earlier, and the camera pans up to her face, revealing that she's in the middle of the speech shown at the beginning of the episode. Rhys holds the camera. GWEN : There's one thing I always meant to ask Jack. Back in the old days. I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. All those times in history when there's no sign of him, I wanted to know why not. But I don't need to ask anymore. I know the answer now. Sometimes the Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame. I'm recording this in case anyone... in case anyone ever finds it. So you can see... you can see how the world ended. Slowly, Rhys lowers the camera. He has to wipe a tear from his face; then he looks up at Gwen again. RHYS : Y-y-y-you didn't mean it, did you ? About... getting rid of it ? GWEN : No, of course I didn't. RHYS : OK. GWEN : I would never... Rhys crosses the gap between them and hugs her. GWEN : Never. I wouldn't do that to you, sweetheart. No, I wouldn't, and I'm sorry. He sits back again, wiping under his eye and sniffing hard. GWEN : I'm sorry. All right, darling ? She smooths the little girl's hair absently. [SCENE_BREAK] The conference room. GENERAL PIERCE : Illegal broadast on digital one four one. Close it down. And take out the whole network if you have to. DENISE RILEY : We're up to eighty percent. The people are starting to fight back. General Pierce presses a button on the phone in the middle of the table. GENERAL PIERCE : Colonel, we're predicting eighty percent. Is that acceptable ? [SCENE_BREAK] Floor 13. The 456 gurgle ominously in their tank. COLONEL ODUYA : We have up to eighty percent of the designated children. Is that enough ? The 456 are silent for a long moment. 456 : All of them. All of the designated to us. [SCENE_BREAK] The conference room, as General Pierce absorbs this. COLONEL ODUYA (on the phone) : Not acceptable, sir. Denise Riley and General Pierce exchange looks. GENERAL PIERCE : We need the rest. Authorising maximum force. Bridget Spears enters the room with a folder. BRIDGET : The latest report from Germany. Old-fashioned hard copy, I'm afraid. The system's gone into meltdown. DENISE RILEY : You don't have to be here. BRIDGET : It's what he would have wanted. DENISE RILEY : Do you think so ? I can't imagine anyone wanting to be in this bloody room. She walks past Bridget, who turns her gaze on Prime Minister, seated at the head of the table. He seems to have nothing to do; he is watching others work. WOMAN (on phone) : Yes. Yes. The shot closes in on a tight focus of Bridget's eyes. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down. Jack talks with Johnson. JACK : If we cycle the wavelength back at them... DEKKER : I know what you're trying to do. A constructive wave. Jack watches him warily. DEKKER : Do you think people aren't working on that all over the world ? But it's never gonna work. The effect would be like shouting at the 456, that's all. Just shouting. JACK : Why did Clem die ? JOHNSON : It was the 456 that killed him. [SCENE_BREAK] The image from Day Four, Clem clutching his ears and screaming in pain as Gwen holds him. JACK : But how did they do it ? Why did they do it ? JOHNSON : We've got the recording here. JACK : His mind must have synced to the 456 back when he was a child. But they didn't need to kill him. He wasn't any threat. Unless maybe that connection hurt them. JOHNSON : This is the 456 at the moment of his death. We've lifted the sound from the Thames House link. Dekker gets up to listen as the sound of the 456 screeching plays on Jack's laptop. It shows on the screen as a waveform. JACK : That sound, Mr Dekker, what's that sound ? DEKKER : I don't know, it's new. JACK : Exactly. It's new. He's starting to look more hopeful. [SCENE_BREAK] An army base, where soldiers herd children into a large circle : one of the designated rendez-vous points. The men stand around the children to corral them in place. Another bus comes in, then another, bringing more children. Soon the larged paved area is completely full of children below puberty. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down. Alice has taken interest in the discussion now. JACK : We don't have to analyse the wavelength, just copy it. Turn it into a constructive wave. But we've got no way of transmitting. DEKKER : Of course you have. JACK : Shut up. DEKKER : Same way as them. JACK : I'll find something else. JOHNSON : What does he mean ? JACK : Don't listen to him. JOHNSON : Dekker, tell me. DEKKER : The 456 used children. To establish the resonance. JOHNSON : Meaning what ? DEKKER : We need a child. ALICE : What do you mean ? DEKKER : Centre of the resonance. Hoo ! That child's gonna fry. He chuckles. Jack is quiet, his eyes dark as he seeks solutions. Alice's face begins to grow scared. ALICE : No, Dad. No, tell them no. JOHNSON : One child or millions. ALICE : Dad, no. Dad, tell them no ! JOHNSON : We're running out of time. ALICE : Dad, no ! No, Dad ! JOHNSON : Captain ! His face blank, Jack quickly nods. Alice's eyes are round with fright and she goes running. ALICE : Steven ! [SCENE_BREAK] The shed behind the estate. David is peeking out the opening. He sees soldiers running up to a woman on the street, who points in the direction of the shed. DAVID : Rhys. Quick. Rhys leaves Gwen to go look. When he peers out, he sees several soldiers jogging toward the shed. RHYS : Incoming ! Everybody out ! Quick ! Everybody out ! At his shout, everyone gets to their feet, heading for the far end of the shed. RHYS : Quick ! Come on ! Let's go ! Outside, the soldiers approach. RHYS : Quick ! Come on ! Quick ! Come on. Quick, out. He helps rush the children along. They have to climb up a ladder. Behind another ladder, a girl has hidden herself, crying. GWEN : Come on, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. At the top, Rhys pushes out a piece of plywood closing up the entrance and hops out, leading the kids, grabbing at a little girl's hand. The soldiers kick in the tin blocking the front entrance and enter the shed. They shout directions to each other. The little girl behind the ladder shrinks, trying to not be seen. It's no good; one of the soldiers picks her up. GIRL : Get away ! Get away ! She screams as she's taken. The other soldiers run out the back way, pursuing the others. ALICE (voice-over) : Steven ! Steven ! Steven ! [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down. Alice is pelting down a hallway, three of the men in black in pursuit. One of them manages to stop her; another hikes Steven over his shoulder. STEVEN : Mummy ! ALICE : No ! Steven ! STEVEN : Mummy ! The men take Steven past Alice while she's held to the wall, unable to stop them. STEVEN : Mummy ! ALICE : My baby ! STEVEN : Mummy ! Mummy ! ALICE : Steven, run away ! [SCENE_BREAK] The estate. The children scream as they run across wet, muddy ground, away from the pursuing soldiers. Gwen carries the little girl she was holding before; she lags behind the others. The images are blurred and jolted; much of the screaming is lost in the music overlaying these scenes. GWEN : Run ! Run ! [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down. Jack sets up the necessary equipment as Steven is brought into the circle. He's set down on a stand in the middle of it. STEVEN : What are we doing, uncle Jack ? Jack doesn't respond, going from one laptop to another. STEVEN : What's happening ? What do you want me to do ? Alice, in the hallway, continues to scream. ALICE : Steven, get away ! She finally manages to tear away from the soldiers holding her and goes running. [SCENE_BREAK] The estate. The soldiers are catching up, nearly on the group of children, Rhys, Gwen, and Rhiannon. They descend, grabbing at coats to stop the children. One grabs David, another gets Rhiannon as a third starts to carry off Mica. RHIANNON : No ! Her other shouts are indistinguishable over the music. Rhys is forced to the ground by another soldier. Gwen keeps running with her burdern. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down. Alice runs back to the big room, but the door is locked and she can't get in. ALICE : Steven ! Steven ! Jack's work has become fast-paced and frantic now. [SCENE_BREAK] The estate, as soldiers continue to pursue Gwen. CUT to Ashton Down ALICE : Run ! Run ! Jack has completed his work. Steven stands in the center of the circle, confused. He looks around. CUT to the estate Gwen is still running. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down. Jack stands before the laptop, his eyes swimming with unshed tears. Then he stabs a single key. A humming, buzzing sound begins to emerge from the equipment. Behind Dekker, screens show sound waveforms moving on a graph. Steven suddenly goes still. Jack types another command on the laptop, presumably copying the wavelength. Then he stands back. Steven begins to make the shrill sound first given out by the children in Day One, the sound of attunement. On the other side of the reinforced glass, Alice can only watch in terror. [SCENE_BREAK] The army base. Every child on the pavement opens their mouth and begins to make the same shrill sound. [SCENE_BREAK] The estate. Gwen has set down the girl she was carrying as she, too, begins to make the sound. [SCENE_BREAK] An overhead shot of Thames House. Inside, on floor 13, Colonel Oduya still stands before the tank. He can hear the sound, and so can the other UNIT soldiers in the room. And so can the 456. They begin to groan. Colonel Oduya watches in interest. [SCENE_BREAK] The army base. The children are all giving the sound in the exact same note. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down. Steven begins to twitch as he makes the sound. His body jerks more and more violently as seconds pass. Alice hammers on the glass. ALICE : Steven ! Steven's body moves so quickly it becomes a blur to the eye. Blood trickles from his nose and down onto his shirt. [SCENE_BREAK] Floor 13. The 456 react more violently. [SCENE_BREAK] The army base. The children make the same sound. [SCENE_BREAK] Floor 13. One of the UNIT soldiers trains his gun on the tank as the 456 flail in earnest, slapping their flippers on the glass and screeching. Then, instead of snot, blood splashes on the inside of the tank. Colonel Oduya covers his face instinctively. The 456 slam the tank hard. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down. Steven's jerking and shaking grows more violent. Johnson has to look away. Only Jack remains witness, his face wet. Outside, Alice sobs, barely able to see through the glass through the condensation of her breath.The cuts are very fast now. Floor 13 : the 456 writhing. The army base, the children continuing. Floor 13 to the army base to floor 13. Ashton Down : Steven's spasms are enormous and both nostrils leak dark blood. Tears slide down Johnson's face. Jack suppresses some show of emotion, his eyes shining. Suddenly, the sound stops. On floor 13, another violent gout of blood splashes the inner wall of the tank, followed by several smaller ones on every inner surface. Then the whole inside of the tank lights up in flames, startling Colonel Oduya and the UNIT soldiers, who shield their eyes. As they watch, the transportation process reverses, the fire shooting upward through the ceiling and into the sky, much faster than when it descended. The clouds close over the hole made in them and then disappear altogether. [SCENE_BREAK] The conference room. All that can be seen on the video feeds for floor 13 is static. GENERAL PIERCE : Colonel, do we have a report ? The room is completely silent. GENERAL PIERCE : Colonel, what happened ? [SCENE_BREAK] Floor 13. Colonel Oduya is still processing the events he just witnessed. GENERAL PIERCE (on phone) : Colonel ! COLONEL ODUYA : It's gone, sir. The 456 has gone. He walks slowly toward the tank, which is now completely empty, the inside walls clean, the atmosphere also apparently taken in the fire that removed the 456. [SCENE_BREAK] The estate, where Rhys has joined Gwen with the little girl. GWEN : What did you do, clever girl ? What did you do ? She hugs the girl tight and sinks back. GWEN : What did you go ? RHYS : Hey ! Now that the threat has passed, the soldiers have released the children. Rhiannon sinks to her knees as Mica runs to her. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down. Alice is still pressed to the glass. JOHNSON : Let her in. A buzzer sounds, and the door unlocks. Alice darts inside and runs straight through the circle to Steven, who lays limp on the stand in the middle of the equipment. Dried blood crusts his ears as well as his nose. Alice sits and pulls him into her lap, smoothing his hair, sobbing. ALICE : No, no, no, no, no ! She turns her grieving face on her father as she gathers Steven's body to her. ALICE : No ! No ! Somebody help him ! Help him ! Jack stands passively, letting the tears fall, as the camera pulls away from his face. Alice's sobs echo in the room and she rocks Steven's body in her arms. ALICE : No, please, no. Why ? Why ? Oh, please. [SCENE_BREAK] The conference room. The last of the officials are leaving the room. General Pierce stands at one end of the room, facing Prime Minister, who's still seated at the head of the table, while Denise Riley arranges some folders on the table and Bridget Spears stands nearby. GENERAL PIERCE : Prime Minister. He salutes, then turns and leaves the room. Once the Americans are all gone, Denise Riley turns to the Prime Minister. DENISE RILEY : The public will be wanting a statement, sir. Green inhales deeply. PRIME MINISTER : I suppose you could say we were lucky. DENISE RILEY : A bit soon to tell. We don't know exactly what happened yet. PRIME MINISTER : Lucky with the Americans, I mean. General Pierce took charge without ratification from the United Nations. We can say that today's events were in American hands. BRIDGET : And do you think that's lucky ? PRIME MINISTER (laughing) : Yes, I, I do, rather. BRIDGET : Your first thought now is to save your own skin. In which case, you might like to know, I paid a visit this morning, sir. I went to see Lois Habiba. You might remember her. I sat with her a while. We had a number of things to discuss. And while I was there, I used the emergency protocols to sign out a particular piece of evidence. [SCENE_BREAK] A flashback, showing Bridget signing a piece of paper while a policeman removes something from a plastic bag. POLICEMAN : Thank you. Bridget takes the item : a contact lens case. CUT to the present BRIDGET : Contact lenses, sir. The Torchwood contact lenses. And Lois was very helpful. She told me how they worked. [SCENE_BREAK] A flashback of Lois talking. No sound can be heard, but she seems to be illustrating the use of the lenses. CUT to the present moment BRIDGET : I can hardly feel them, sir. We see a shot of the Prime Minister through the lenses. BRIDGET : But everything that happened in this room has been recorded, sir. All waiting to be made public by me. Including your statement just now that after the events of today you feel, as you said in your very own words, sir, "lucky". PRIME MINISTER : You wouldn't dare. I can have you arrested. DENISE RILEY : I don't think so. Thank you, Bridget, you're free to go. And Miss Habiba will be released, I'll see to it myself. I think I'll be taking charge of very many things in the days to come. Is that all, sir ? The Prime Minister looks dazed, trying to form words but then giving up. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashton Down. Jack sits on a narrow bench in a long hallway. His silhouette is dark in the hall, with sunlight on the wall just beyond him, at the far end is a set of double doors. One of the doors opens, and Alice steps out, Jack's head turns when he hears the door open. Alice stops as the door swings shut behind her. She catches sight of Jack and goes still. Jack sits on the bench, his hands folded and expression guarded. After a moment, Alice steps backward, leaning on the door to press it open, and turns, walking away. Jack continues to sit for a moment as, very faintly, dialogue from earlier plays. STEVEN : Uncle Jack ! JACK : Hey, soldier. Finally, Jack takes a deep breath and stands, walking down the hall in the opposite direction from Alice. He pushes open the double doors leading outside and exits into light. [SCENE_BREAK] Six months later. A dirt road, wet, overhung with trees and greenery. A car's headlights show and come closer as the title card comes up. As the car approaches, the occupants are revealed : Gwen and Rhys. Rhys is driving. He pulls the car off to the side of the road and cuts the engine. Both unbuckle their seatbelts, and Rhys gets out, coming around to open Gwen's door for her. Her smile is fond. RHYS : There's no more road. We'll have to walk from now on. You all right ? Out of the car, Gwen's huge belly is revealed. GWEN : You fuss over me one more time... RHYS : I'm just saying. GWEN : Well, don't. Rhys locks the car with a little beep from the remote, and they start to walk, smiling at each other. The view from the top of the hill shows Cardiff spread out below them, lights marking the roads and buildings. Gwen and Rhys hold hands as they climb to the top. They pause part of the way there, seeing something, and the camera turns to reveal Jack standing at the top of the hill, his coat buckled around him. Gwen chuckles, holding her belly, and she and Rhys finish walking up to meet him. GWEN : Couldn't have just chosen a pub, could you ? RHYS : It's bloody freezing. My feet. JACK : Oh, I missed that, the Welsh complaining. You look good. GWEN : I look huge. RHYS : She's bloody gorgeous. Jack smiles at that, and Gwen approaches him. GWEN : You OK ? JACK : Yeah. She touches his collar as if to neaten it. GWEN : Did it work ? JACK : Travelled all sorts of places. This planet is too small. The whole world is like a graveyard. GWEN : Come back with us. JACK : Haven't travelled far enough yet. Got a lot of dirt to shake off my shoes. And right now, there's a cold-fusion cruiser surfing the ion reefs just at the edge of the solar system, just waiting to open its transport dock. As he speaks, he looks up, and a light winks in the sky high above. Then he returns his gaze to Gwen. JACK : I just need to send a signal. Gwen holds up a finger : "one second". She digs in her pocket and produces Jack's wriststrap. GWEN : They found it in the wreckage. Indestructible. Like its owner. She gives it to him, and he places it on his wrist. GWEN : I, eh, put on a new strap for you. RHYS : Cost me fifty quid, that. JACK : Bill me ! GWEN : Are you ever coming back, Jack ? JACK : What for ? GWEN: Me. Gwen begins to get teary. GWEN : It wasn't your fault. JACK : I think it was. GWEN : No. JACK : Steven and Ianto and Owen and Tosh and Suzie and... All of them. Because of me. GWEN : But you, you saved us. Didn't you ? JACK : I began to like it. And look what I became. Still. I have lived so many lives. It's time to find another one. He steps back from Gwen and lifts his wriststrap (which, despite the claim of having a new leather band, still has the old marks of use). He presses a button and it begins to send a continuous beep. GWEN : Th-they died, and I am sorry, Jack, but you cannot just run away. You cannot run away. The teleportation field begins to shimmer over Jack. JACK : Oh, yes, I can. Just watch me. He's gone in a shimmering ball of light that shoots upward. A moment later, a light shines brightly from the sky, then winks out. Gwen stands, looking up and crying, as Rhys walks up behind her. Gwen puts her face in her hands and sobs. Gently, Rhys leans in. RHYS : Let's go home, yeah ? Gwen turns to Rhys, still crying. GWEN : Yeah. Yeah. She looks up again, her hands still folded, and then turns and walks away with him, his arm around her shoulders. She looks back, once, but then continues walking with Rhys, leaning on him and patting his back as they make their way down the hill.

Torchwood is defenceless and Gwen Cooper stands alone as the final sanction begins. As violence erupts and the world descends into anarchy, an ordinary council estate becomes a battleground where the future of the human race will be decided.

fd_Bones_04x26

fd_Bones_04x26_0

"The End in the Beginning" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Interior BOOTH and BRENNAN'S APPARTMENT - BEDROOM, 4:47 AM. BOOTH is sleeping) HODGINS: [narrating] People say you only live once, but are as wrong about that, as they are about everything. (BRENNAN enters) HODGINS: [narrating] In the darkest moments before dawn a woman returns to her bed. What life is she leading? Is it the same life the woman was leading half an hour ago? A day ago? A year ago? (Pan to BOOTH) HODGINS: [narrating] Who is this man? Do they lead separate lives, or is it a single life shared? BRENNAN: Do you love me? BOOTH: Yeah. Do you want me to prove it to you? BRENNAN: Mmm, if you're not too sleepy... (BOOTH kisses BRENNAN) HODGINS: [narrating] A storm approaches. A still over the horizon, but there is lightning in the air. Are either of them aware of the gathering turbulence? Can the feel the crackling of electricity in the wind? Or are they only aware of the power they generate between themselves? BOOTH: Ooh, I love when you do that. BRENNAN: [giggles] (Cut to morning. 5:43 AM.) HODGINS: [narrating] The first hint of the storm is not a thunderclap. It is a knock. (There's a knock at the front door) BRENNAN: Get it! BOOTH: [groaning] No. You get it! BRENNAN: No, you get it! BOOTH: You get it! (BRENNAN pulls sheet off BOOTH) BOOTH: [groans] BRENNAN: [giggles] BOOTH: Aww! Great, I get it. (BOOTH answers the door in BRENNAN'S floral bath robe) BOOTH: What? What? (CAM and JARED are waiting at the door) CAM: Morning. I'm Detective Saroyan. BOOTH: Yeah, I know who you are. You're my brothers' partner. (CAM flashes her Police badge) JARED: She prefers the term "boss". CAM: Official visit. See the badge? (BRENNAN enters) BRENNAN: What's going on? BOOTH: Aah! There's my robe! CAM: A body was found at your nightclub. (Cut to: exterior of THE LAB, BOOTH and BRENNAN'S nightclub. BOOTH and BRENNAN pull up in THE ALLEY behind the club in their Mercedes. There are two Police cars also in the alley, as well as a number of Police officers.) BOOTH: So who was still at work when you left? BRENNAN: Zack came in just before four. Brought the car around for me. And then Fisher was supposed to come in at five so that they could do an inventory. Do you think it was one of them? BOOTH: Well, you know, they should have said more than "there's a body". (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE PLATFORM) ZACK: They found him laying in the bathroom. BRENNAN: Is it terrible? FISHER: Uh when Zack saw it he, he screamed. I heard him from the kitchen. ZACK: Yelped, not screamed. (CAM enters) CAM: Ready? (BRENNAN leaves) ZACK: I was taken aback! FISHER: Yeah, it was a scream. (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE TOILETS. A foot is visible from one of the cubicles.) HODGINS: [narrating] She has never seen a dead body before. (CAM, BOOTH and BRENNAN enter) HODGINS: [narrating] He was in the Army and has seen too many. (CAM opens cubicle door to reveal a man shot in the chest.) JARED: Recognise him? BRENNAN: No. (BOOTH and CAM exchange glances.) JARED: You didn't see this guy last night? BRENNAN: No. BOOTH: Neither one of us was in the floor much last night. JARED: What about this? (JARED crouched and pokes a matchbox on the floor near the deceased's foot) JARED: You ever hear of a place called, uh, "Amicangelo's"? BRENNAN: [shakes head] uh uh. CAM: Which one's closer to the washroom, your office, or the kitchen? BRENNAN: My office. CAM: How is it that the chef heard your assistant shout, but you didn't hear a gunshot? BRENNAN: Maybe I'd already gone home, I left at 4am. JARED: But coagulation suggests that time of death occurred between 1 and 3am. CAM: Obviously you weren't where you said you were, so where were you? BRENNAN: From midnight until 4am I was in my office, then I went home. BOOTH: Let's go Honey. Thanks. Thanks a lot. (BRENNAN and BOOTH leave) CAM: You think that was insensitive? JARED: I dunno, implying that she was cheating on her husband maybe could've waited until he wasn't standing right next to her. CAM: Why? They bust up and you finally get a crack at her. It's what you want, right? (CAM leaves) (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR) CAROLINE: I know you all worked late last night. Maybe short on sleep, but I need to prepare you for what happens next. Anybody not heard about our murder? (Pan to WENDELL, DAISY, ANGELA, VINCENT, SWEETS AND FISHER, all shaking their heads) CAROLINE: Good, 'cos you are all suspects. (CAM enters, followed by the deceased being wheeled away on a gurney) CAM: Somebody turned off the security cameras. SWEETS: You think one of us is the killer? CAROLINE: You mind, Detective Saroyan, I am conferring with my clients. (CAM rolls her eyes and leaves) VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Are you in fact acting as our solicitor in this matter? CAROLINE: I am the nightclub's lawyer. You are welcome to call up your own. ANGELA: Well if we didn't do it, why do we need a lawyer? DAISY: I didn't kill anyone! WENDELL: Zack screamed when he saw the body, so he's off the hook, right? ZACK: Yelped! FISHER: He screamed like Slutty Girl #1 in a teen horror flick. CAROLINE: From here on in you do not answer questions you don't get asked! (Cut to: interior THE HOMICIDE DIVISION - THE INTERVIEW ROOM. FISHER is being questioned by CAM and JARED, CAROLINE is present as his attorney.) FISHER: Consider me your top suspect, CAROLINE: Oh for God's sake! FISHER: I'm a trained chef, alright. Finest schools in Europe. But my professional life consists of cooking chicken wings designed to make people drink more beer. I'm a man on the edge. (JARED throws a file of Crime Scene photos to FISHER) CAM: Your wings have been voted best in the city two years running. FISHER: Not best. Tallest. I'm the originator of the "Tower of Wings", which'll probably be on my tombstone. (FISHER looks at a Crime Scene photo of the deceased) FISHER: Never seen him before in my life. CAM: You're the hostess, you see everyone who comes in. (Cut to ANGELA) ANGELA: Uh maybe if you had a picture of him alive, I don't have a very visual imagination. (Cut to DAISY) DAISY: He looks like a lot of guys. Is that his real hair? (Cut to WENDELL) WENDELL: [shakes head] CAROLINE: Let the record show that my client is indicating with his head that he does not recognise the victim, like all my clients. Next question. CAM: Have you witnessed any... altercations, any differences of opinion at the club lately? (Cut to ANGELA) ANGELA: Well, Mr. B, I mean, that's what we all call Mr. Booth, told this hip-hop impresario, "C-Sync", who is actually very cute, by the way, that he would never book him, or any of his acts into the club. (Cut to VINCENT) VINCENT: C-Sync, yeah, he's alright, inn'e. He's right hand full of talent, left hand full of street cred, due to the fact that his brother's a big time gangsta. JARED: Clark Edison, aka C-Sync, you restrained him from lunging at your boss? (Cut to WENDELL) WENDELL: [squints at JARED] (Cut to CAM and CAROLINE looking at each other quizzically, then back at WENDELL) (Cut to DAISY) DAISY: I heard C-Sync shouting all the way at the back of the coat check. He was mad. JARED: You're aware of a city councilman named Max Keenan? (Cut to SWEETS) SWEETS: Everybody knows Max. He's around all the time. Max Keenan is upset because he never got his "facilitators fee" for getting city council to re-zone us for live entertainment. CAM: Why would crooked politician tell you about not getting a pay off? SWEETS: I'm a bartender, I'm practically a phycologist. (Cut to CAM looking exasperated) ZACK: A Persian named Ara Something wants to buy the nightclub JARED: Arastoo Vaziri? ZACK: Bren's met with him about forty times. Mr. B does not want to sell. (Cut to DAISY) DAISY: It was me who shut off the security cameras. I wanted some privacy with my boyfriend, whom I will not name. (Cut to FISHER) FISHER: OK, me and Daisy, look we have a thing. But the thing that we have isn't, you know, isn't a boyfriend-girlfriend thing. It's a thing. It's just not a thing. (Cut to ANGELA) ANGELA: Miss Julian warned us that you have to make an arrest in this case, and I just wanna say that just because Jared Booth and I went out on a couple of dates, and he cannot accept the fact that it is going no where, does not mean that I should go to gaol. JARED: Didn't your lawyer tell you not to answer any questions you weren't asked? CAM: Should I mark your people down as "stupid" or "uncooperative"? CAROLINE: Put 'em down as "well represented". CAM: How about I put 'em down as "accessories after the fact"? (Cut to: Interior THE ROYAL DINER. BRENNAN and BOOTH are at the counter eating.) BRENNAN: How long will the club be shut down? BOOTH: Oh, well, as long as they want, it's a murder scene. BRENNAN: Financially that's gonna hurt. (MAX enters) MAX: I'm your councilman, maybe I can help. BOOTH: [laughs] What's that going to set us back? MAX: I want you to consider the possibility that this unfortunate incident, BRENNAN: You mean the homicide. MAX: Maybe if you had remembered to reimburse the people that went out of their way to get you that zoning change, BOOTH: Ok, really, what're you gonna do, put the squeeze on us retractably? MAX: Why's it so hard for your husband to see the ways of the world? BRENNAN: Because he wants me to be proud of him. (Cut to: interior THE HOMICIDE DIVISON - OFFICES) CAM: I'm afraid you won't be able to reopen the nightclub for quite some time, BRENNAN: Well, where can I appeal that decision? CAM: Wow, what they said about you was true! BRENNAN: What's that? CAM: That you're kind of a cold fish. BRENNAN: Well if by cold fish you mean pragmatic and rational, then that's what I am. CAM: No I meant more like somebody when a human being is murdered cares more about reopening the club than capturing the murderer. BRENNAN: Well, I have my job, and you have yours. (CAM and BRENNAN enter CAM'S OFFICE) CAM: Where were you really last night? Who were you with? BRENNAN: I had a very satisfying go-around with my husband at about 5 this morning, how about you? CAM: The victim was killed by a shotgun wound to the chest. Guns are loud, but you did not hear it. You were not in the building. Either we talk about this now, maybe it goes no further, or otherwise I've gotta pursue this line of enquiry in a graceless manner. BRENNAN: So this is blackmail. CAM: You pride yourself on being pragmatic, I figured you'd appreciate the logic. (Cut to: interior THE HOMICIDE DIVISION - THE STAFF ROOM. JARED is getting a cup of coffee while BOOTH leans on the door jamb) JARED: This guy, the Persian, or whatever, how bad does he want your place? BOOTH: Who? Viziri? He's the kinda guy who won't take no for an answer. Why? JARED: Because the guy comes up shady. But he's got an alibi for last night. Twin hooker alibis. Now I'm gonna tell you something Cam doesn't even know yet. Coroner's found fibres inside the bullet track, from something used to muffle the gun. BOOTH: Well that'd explain why Bren didn't hear the shot. JARED: Yeah, well, it's amazing what forensics can do these days. Now, if we happen to find that particular item, it could lead straight to the killer. BOOTH: So you think I know where it is? JARED: I'm just saying the best thing is that item never shows up. (JARED exits) (Cut to: interior BOOTH'S CAR) BRENNAN: Cam says everybody thinks I'm a cold fish. BOOTH: Nah, what you are is Iceland. Cold to the touch, but underneath you're all volcano. BRENNAN: (giggles) I don't like people thinking that I'm a cold fish. BOOTH: Look if you were really a cold fish, you wouldn't care. BRENNAN: You used logic on me. That's sweet. (rubs BOOTH'S neck) BOOTH: (laughs) BRENNAN: Cam says the reason I didn't hear the gunshot is because I'm cheating on you. BOOTH: Oh well, Jared thinks I'm, you know, the killer, and he's helping me get away with it, BRENNAN: So you're a murderer, I'm unfaithful... we are a very exciting couple. BOOTH: Except the real reason you didn't hear anything is because the gunshot was muffled. (BOOTH'S phone rings) BOOTH: That's Caroline's phone. What's she calling for? (BOOTH answers the phone) BOOTH: Hello, you've reached Bonnie and Clyde, BRENNAN: Murderers Incorporated , (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR. CAROLINE is on her cell phone) BOOTH AND BRENNAN: (over the phone) How may we help you? MAX: Yeah, it's Max, (Cut back to: BOOTH'S CAR) BOOTH: Max, what're you doing on Caroline's phone? (Cut back to THE LAB) MAX: I don't own a cell phone. Big Brother always knows where you are when you've got a cell phone. CAROLINE: I guess when you're as shifty as Max here, paranoid is good. MAX: You're open for business tonight. (Cut to BOOTH'S car) BRENNAN: Well how'd you pull that off? CAROLINE: (over the phone) Let's say.... (Cut to: THE LAB) CAROLINE: I went in the front door, Max slipped in the back, and we got it covered. (Cut to: BOOTH'S car) BOOTH: What does that even mean? MAX: (over the phone) It just means that you've gotta remember (Cut to: THE LAB) MAX: what they say about one hand washing the other. (CAROLINE hangs up phone) CAROLINE: That particular clich pertains to people with clean hands, Max. You do not qualify. (CAROLINE exits, camera focuses on WENDELL who is standing near the PLATFORM) (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE CATWALK. VINCENT moving boxes of his DJ equipment around, ZACK is watching him) ZACK: There's a blood stain on the bathroom wall, VINCENT: Yeah, someone smashed the victim's head against the wall, knocked him out, then came back and finished him off with a shot to the chest. A very cold-blooded execution, in fact. ZACK: How did you know that? VINCENT: I eavesdropped on the cops. Also, they're looking for something that was used to smother the sound of the shot. (VINCENT removes a panel from one of his equipment boxes, revealing a gun atop his DJ gear) ZACK: (moves over to the equipment box and removes the gun) Why do you have a gun? VINCENT: (startled) Ooh! I'm English, alright. We don't use guns. We use our foreheads. What you've most likely picked up is the murder weapon. ZACK: (replaces gun in the equipment box) Why would the murderer hide the gun in your stuff? VINCENT: Perhaps because the murderer sussed me out as, you know, the type of fellow who'd be smart enough to get rid of it. Evidently he didn't expect you to be here when I discovered it. ZACK: You mean we should get rid of it? VINCENT: You and I are not in collusion. ZACK: Why not? VINCENT: Because you're the type of moron who goes to gaol for a murder he didn't commit, and I am not. ZACK: Then, whatta we do? VINCENT: OK, what I should do is kill you with the gun, and then tell the cops that you attacked me after confessing to the murder. (holds up hand for a high-five) ZACK: (looks uncertainly at VINCENT) (Cut to: exterior THE LAB) (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR. SWEETS is behind THE BAR, while HODGINS sits at THE BAR) SWEETS: It's hard to believe that someone was murdered just over there. HODGINS: Means nothing to me, a best selling pulp crap crime novelist. I trade in death daily. (takes a sip from his drink) Theoretically. What liquor best exemplifies death by substance abuse? (SWEETS shrugs) HODGINS: Irish Whisky? (puts on an Irish accent) 'Course, but which spirit best represents murder most foul? SWEETS: You know, everyone who works here is a suspect? I'm working with the murderer. HODGINS: (with Irish accent) Do you have a picture of the poor b*st*rd who was murdered? (SWEETS reached under the bar for his phone) SWEETS: Fisher sent this to me this morning before the cops arrived. HODGINS: Ooh! (leans forward to grab the phone) SWEETS: (hold phone to his chest) I'll only show you if you lose the Irish accent. HODGINS: (holds up his hands to say OK) SWEETS: Take a look (gives HODGINS the phone) HODGINS: (looks at the photo on the cell phone) This may was obviously a hired killer. SWEETS: You get that from a phone pic? HODGINS: His hair, his suit, his ring. The fact that I talked to him last night. Here. SWEETS: (shocked) You? Here? In this bar? I didn't see him. HODGINS: (disbelieving) Gottcha. Yeah, right, none of us did. Very good. Murder most foul. (Cut to: interior THE LAB- THE PLATFORM. CLARK walking up onto THE PLATFORM, followed by BOOTH, BRENNAN and CAROLINE) CLARK: Can you feel that? I mean this place is magic! Your stage has mystic properties (kisses his fingers) BRENNAN: That is a ridiculous urban legend. CLARK: Then explain to me how so many of the people who've played here over the years have gone on to fame and fortune? BOOTH: Maybe it's because we have good taste. CLARK: This place had the power before you got here, and'll have it after you're gone. All I want is my piece of the legacy. (Spins around) C-Sync baby! And if you had good taste, you would book me first, and then each of my prot g s thereafter, ya dig? BOOTH: Well, dig this. I recognise you're personal talent, but we won't book you or you're... BRENNAN: Prot g s, BOOTH: Because of your bro-tha CLARK: So, you're just brazenly racist. CAROLINE: This is exactly where I did not want this conversation to go. BRENNAN: My husband is concerned about your gang ties. Which is not you, but is your brother. CLARK: Look, there's Kane, and then there's Able. Do you see a mark on my forehead? Nah. So that makes me Able. And on top of that, how're you gonna penalise my prot g s because of my brother? How is that fair? CAROLINE: (to BOOTH) As your lawyer I must advise you, if Mr. Edison lodges a suit, CLARK: (mouths "lawsuit" at BOOTH) CAROLINE: the outcome is not assured in our favour. BRENNAN: We will discuss it. Since we are partners. (VINCENT enters) VINCENT: Hi hi. Listen, I know whatever you're doing is very important but, C-Sync? C-Sync! CLARK: Hey! VINCENT: Wasswah! CLARK: Be glad you're a pasty white albino, Vinny. VINCENT: Cheers. Uh, I need to talk. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE CATWALK. VINCENT'S equipment boxes. BOOTH looks at the gun sitting on top of the DJ gear) BOOTH: Wooo, oh no. VINCENT: 200 million unregistered guns in the country, this one finds its way into my gear. BOOTH: Anybody touch it? (Pan to ZACK who raises his hand) (Cut to CAROLINE looking at the gun on the DJ gear) CAROLINE: Did anybody touch it? BOOTH: Zack did. CAROLINE: (sighs) VINCENT: Legally, it's with my stuff, can I, like claim it as my own and toss it into a volcano? BRENNAN: Caroline is an officer of the court. She has to report it. Right? CAROLINE: I sure as hell do now! (Cut to BOOTH and BRENNAN looking at the gun in the DJ gear) BOOTH: 38, right? Matches the murder weapon. BRENNAN: Zack touched it. (CAM enters, looking at the gun in the DJ gear) CAM: Will you two let me do some of the detecting, please? (picks up gun with her pen) Saturday Night Special. Totally disposable. (Pan to HODGINS, leaning on the railing of THE CATWALK) HODGINS: My theory, it's the murder victims gun. Taken away from him by persons unknown, who shot him in the chest then hid it here, thinking that Vincent would find it, panic, and throw it away because he's, well, English. CAM: Who is this now? CAROLINE: Jack Hodgins, very successful crime novelist. CAM: They never get anything right. VINCENT: I'm not going to fair well in gaol. I'm lovely. BOOTH: Don't worry Vincent, I'll bail you out. BRENNAN: (clears throat and puts her hand on BOOTH'S shoulder) BOOTH: You too, Zack. (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR VINCENT is handcuffed and being led out of THE LAB by CAM) HODGINS: No Vincent, no DJ. No DJ, no entertainment. You carpe your diem, bub. SWEETS: (serves HODGINS a drink) You mean the band? HODGINS: Get the girl to smack the tambourine, and maybe you've got a shot. SWEETS: You mean Angela? HODGINS: Of course I don't mean Angela. You don't stand a chance with Angela. Her. (motions towards DAISY) Pansy, or Buttercup... SWEETS: Daisy? (ARASTOO enters) HODGINS: The mysterious Persian real-estate mogul who's been trying to buy our home away from home. What various reasons does he have? ARASTOO: I want this club because I know how to turn it into a gold mine. HODGINS: Boring. ARASTOO: Good business, like a good marriage, is outwardly boring. HODGINS: (looks at ARASTOO incredulously) ARISTOO: Sorry. (Cut to: exterior THE LAB - THE ALLEY. BOOTH is sitting on the bonnet of his car while WENDELL talks to him from the back door of THE LAB) WENDELL: So, I go home a little before 3. Check to make sure that Bren has locked up the safe. I wonder, did somebody taped the door after I checked it? 'Cos this guy got in somehow. BOOTH: The dead guy, or, uh, whoever killed him. (WENDELL crouches down and fiddles with the lock of the door) WENDELL: There's nothing tacky on the bolt here, so it's wasn't taped. That means that either the dead guy hid in the club after closing, or Bren let him in after my sweep. BOOTH: Nah, she didn't. WENDELL: Whoever killed this guy had a key or was also already in the club. BOOTH: Bren wasn't the only one inside the club. (WENDELL and BOOTH exchange glances) BOOTH: You seem pretty sure this is the way it played out. (WENDELL shifts) WENDELL: The dead guy, chats me up last night. BOOTH: (shocked) OK, why didn't you tell the police? WENDELL: Creepy old guy trespassing around our club during the night. I know what I'd do if I caught him. BOOTH: (pauses) Did you catch him? WENDELL: (pauses) Nope, did you? 'Cos until I get the specific answer to that question, my loyalty is with you. BOOTH: I didn't catch him, but I appreciate your loyalty. WENDELL: (nods his head, holds a finger to is mouth to say he'll keep quiet and beats his fist over his heart) (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR) (FISHER enters carrying a "Tower of Wings") (Pan to BOOTH entering, carrying a carton of wine. BRENNAN and ARASTOO are talking at THE BAR) BOOTH: Hey Arastoo, how you doing? BRENNAN: He's making me another offer on the nightclub. BOOTH: How big of a bump do we get for murder? BRENNAN: The offer is lower. ARISTOO: The place is under a cloud. Things like this occur when people are not reasonable. BOOTH: Implying that you're behind the murder, trying to scare me to sell. Ballsy move, pal. ARASTOO: Behind it? No, merely taking advantage. It's good business. BOOTH: Right, well, my club's not for sale, but my booze is. So either get a drink or get the hell out of here. (BRENNAN and ARASTOO exchange glances) (SWEETS enters) SWEETS: Hey, Booth, Bren, heard about Vincent being arrested. Can my band audition? BRENNAN: No. BOOTH: (imploringly) C'mon, what's the harm? Be ready in one hour, pal. SWEETS: (pumps fists in the air) Yes! You won't be disappointed. (SWEETS exits) BRENNAN: (to BOOTH) Why? BOOTH: I've got a soft spot for the kid. BRENNAN: We are made of soft spots. You're still gonna make the call, right? BOOTH: Of course I'm gonna make the call, I'm not soft in the head. ARASTOO: What is "the call"? BOOTH: It's why I own this place, and you never will. OK? So, drink? Or are you gonna leave? (Cut to: interior THE LAB - BRENNAN'S OFFICE BRENNAN enters BRENNAN'S OFFICE, ANGELA runs in behind her) ANGELA: Hey! Awkward, very awkward. Awkward. BRENNAN: Angela, what is awkward? (ANGELA takes a folded up napkin from her pocket and gives it to BRENNAN) BRENNAN: It's a floor plan, for the nightclub. ANGELA: Yeah, I drew it. For the murder victim, last night. (moves over to BRENNAN'S couch) You know how what I really wanted to do was interior decorating, right? I mean, I'm very good, I sort of have a knack. (picks up a cushion from BRENNAN'S couch and ruffles it) And he told me that he owned a nightclub, and that he'd hire me to... and I figured that he was probably hitting on me, but then Jared showed up and asked me out for, like, the hundredth time, BRENNAN: Why are you showing this to me? ANGELA: Because if I show it to Mr. B, his head will explode. You're a cooler customer. BRENNAN: I'm not a cold fish, I'm Iceland. ANGELA: (scoffs) OK, If I had a better grasp of geography I might know what you mean. BRENNAN: Why would his head explode? ANGELA: Well, note the X. At this office. Traditionally, X marks the spot. BRENNAN: The safe? You think he wanted to rob us? ANGELA: Well, yeah, maybe, or it's possible that the X marks a whole other objective. The only thing left is... BRENNAN: Me. ANGELA: (impersonates BOOTH'S head exploding) (Cut to: interior THE ROYAL DINER. BRENNAN is meeting with MAX) BRENNAN: (slides the napkin with the floor plan that ANGELA drew to MAX) MAX: Why didn't you show this to the police? BRENNAN: Because they'll take it without telling me what it means. MAX: What do you think it means? BRENNAN: People know the best way to hurt him, MAX: Is to hurt you. BRENNAN: (nods) MAX: The Persians are capable of sending a very bad message. BRENNAN: What do you mean, "bad message"?(puts the napkin back in her bag) MAX: Head cracking, leg breaking, neck snapping, finger snipping. Like that. It's possible they sent this guy... BRENNAN: To break my legs? MAX: And the gang-bangers make him, and they kill him to make a statement. BRENNAN: (pauses) So Booth was right about the gang-bangers? MAX: Everyone serves somebody. Something you husband refuses to accept. BRENNAN: I know he's stubborn. MAX: He's a man of principle, and I mean that as a terrible insult. Now, if he had just paid me off, none of this would have happened. BRENNAN: Who do you work for that could scare of the Persians and the gang-bangers? MAX: Ask your brother-in-law about the Gravedigger. BRENNAN: Because he's a cop? MAX: Because he and I work for the same guy. (BRENNAN'S phone rings) BRENNAN: (answers the phone) Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: interior THE HOMICIDE DIVISTION - THE CONFERENCE ROOM. CAM has a file in front of her, CAROLINE is seated next to her, BRENNAN and BOOTH are opposite and JARED is standing behind) CAM: The murder victim's been identified as Dick Worstenbach, (CAM slides the file over to BOOTH) JARED: He was a security officer for a waste disposal company in Newark. CAROLINE: (laughs) A mobster named "Worstenbach", what's the world coming to? BOOTH: So what was he doing at our place? JARED: That's a mighty fine question. (JARED and BOOTH eye each other off) (BRENNAN removes the napkin with the floor plan of THE LAB from her handbag and slides it over to CAM) CAM: Where did you get this? BOOTH: What's that? BRENNAN: It was slipped to me anonymously by somebody who drew it for Worstenbach last night. JARED: Your office is marked. CAM: Which means that Worstenbach was in your club last night, but nobody saw him. (BOOTH leans forward from his chair) BOOTH: Excuse me Cam, but this proves that Worstenbach was sent to hurt my wife. CAM: That is one of out theories, yes. BRENNAN: Could the Gravedigger have sent Worstenbach? JARED: Now where did you dig that up? CAROLINE: Isn't he some old mobster type; has his finger in every pie? JARED: There's no Gravedigger. CAM: Max likes to say he works for the Gravedigger, makes him scary. JARED: Exactly, so forget the Gravedigger. (CAROLINE pouts and rolls her eyes) CAM: Our first job is to find out who killed Worstenbach, finding out who sent him is totally secondary. BOOTH: Right, but here in the real world, when do we get our DJ back? CAM: Never. (BOOTH sighs and rolls his eyes) CAM: You people are lying to me, and until I find out why you can't have your DJ, (to BRENNAN) nor your assistant, nor anybody else I can scoop up. CAROLINE: Now, now, it's blatant police brutality to use the word "nor" so aggressively! (Cut to: interior BOOTH'S CAR) HODGINS: [narrating] Violent death. Murder. It sends out shockwaves. The closer you are to it, the greater the shock. BRENNAN: Max told me that he works for the Gravedigger. BOOTH: (snorts) BRENNAN: He told me something else. He said that Jared works for him too. BOOTH: (hits steering wheel) BRENNAN: Don't get so mad! Max could be lying. BOOTH: Look I'm mad because I don't find it hard to believe at all! Alright? Did Max give you the napkin? BRENNAN: No. Angela. (BOOTH looks at BRENNAN quizzically) BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: What? What do you mean "what"? Why're all of our employees holding out on the cops? BRENNAN: They love us. Especially you. BOOTH: They love us. We're loveable. So, OK, what math gets them to obstruct justice? BRENNAN: They all know that you'd kill anyone who was going to hurt me, and that man, Worstenbach, was going to hurt me. BOOTH: They think I'm the killer. BRENNAN: That's the math that gets them to lying to police and obstructing justice. (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE PLATFORM. SWEETS and his band "GORMOGON" are auditioning to become the new entertainment for the club, DAISY is accompanying on the tambourine) SWEETS: Hey, so, uh, we're Gormogon, um, I mean, the name of the band is Gormogon. Some people think that I'm Gormogon, but I'm not, it's like how there's no-one named "Floyd" in Pink Floyd... BOOTH: Just play, Sweets. SWEETS: Yeah, ok... (SWEETS begins to play the intro on keyboard) BRENNAN: "Gormogon" is a stupid name. What does it even mean? (GORMOGON perform the song "Never ending Summer") (Pan to WENDELL, FISHER, ANGELA and HODGINS sitting at THE BAR watching Gormogon performing) ANGELA: (to HODGINS) Man, I'm telling you, I'm looking at Sweets in a totally different way! HODGINS: Really? (CLARK enters, looks down his nose at GORMOGON, rolls his eyes and walks away) (GORMOGON finish playing, everybody claps unenthusiastically except for ANGELA, BRENNAN and DAISY) ANGELA: Whoo hoo! SWEETS: Thank you! BRENNAN: That was wonderful. (to BOOTH) That was wonderful. (Pan to FISHER sitting at THE BAR drinking) FISHER: Why did they even invent piano? (Pan to THE PLATFORM) BOOTH: You see it's, uh, it's, uh, a nightclub, and people they gotta, they gotta dance, not just... DAISY: Fall in love. SWEETS: (laughs nervously) (Pan to FISHER at THE BAR looking exasperated) DAISY: (voice-over) You're really good. SWEETS: (voice-over) Oh, stop, (Pan to THE PLATFORM, BOOTH is being joined by CLARK) BOOTH: Uh, it was great stuff, though. But people, they gotta, uh, they gotta... it's a dance club, big, big noise. You understand. SWEETS: Alright. CLARK: (to BOOTH) Hey, my brother would like to talk to you, he's waiting out back. BOOTH: Right, (Pan to WENDELL watching the conversation between BOOTH and CLARK looking concerned) BOOTH: (voice-over) uh Sweets why don't you play another song for the girl, there. (BOOTH leaves THE PLATFORM, leaving BRENNAN) BRENNAN: (sighs happily at GORMOGON) (Pan to BOOTH leaving THE BAR, he is closely followed by WENDELL. FISHER is still sitting at the bar looking frustrated) (GORMOGON begin to play another ballad) FISHER: (exasperated) Oh c'mon! (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BACK OF THE LAB. BOOTH opening the door out onto THE ALLEY) WENDELL: What's going on, boss. BOOTH: Oh, I've got a meeting with an angry gang-banger in the alley. Why? WENDELL: I've got my gun. BOOTH: You've got a gun? WENDELL: (checks the magazine of his gun) He's the leader of a gang. He's killed people. And, he hates your guts. I ain't a mathematician, but that adds up bad. BOOTH: Alright, hang back. WENDELL: Alright. (BOOTH goes through the back door and into THE ALLEY, locking WENDELL inside THE LAB) (WENDELL is surprised to see the door slam in his face, and presses down on the handle to try and open the door) WENDELL: Whaa? (WENDELL turns to go back into THE LAB) GRAYSON: (voice-over) I want my brother to play in the club! (BOOTH is then thrown by GRAYSON into the door, and is then heard to be bashed) WENDELL: Open the door, Boss! I'm right here! C'mon... (BOOTH is thrown against the door again. WENDELL is taken aback) (Sounds of a vicious fight come from THE ALLEY) WENDELL: I'm coming! (Cut to THE PLATFORM. GORMOGON is still performing. BRENNAN is watching. WENDELL comes running in and whispers in BRENNAN'S ear before they both turn and run) (Cut to THE ALLEY, WENDELL and BRENNAN come around the corner to find both BOOTH and GRAYSON sitting on the back of a delivery truck) BRENNAN: (voice-over) Who is that? WENDELL: (voice-over) C-Sync's brother. Head of the gang-bangers. (WENDELL cocks his gun and aims it at GRAYSON) WENDELL: Don't move, or I'll blow your head off. (JARED and CAM enter. JARED cocks his gun and aims it at WENDELL'S head) JARED: You wanna drop that? (WENDELL uncocks his gun and hands it to JARED) JARED: Thank you. (Pan to BOOTH who is bleeding from a gash to his left eyebrow) BOOTH: Hi Honey! BRENNAN: Hey, you OK? BOOTH: Yeah. You should see the other guy. (Pan to GRAYSON who is clearly unharmed) JARED: (to CAM) So who do you wanna arrest? CAM: (sighs) Let's take 'em all. (Cut to: interior THE HOMICIDE DIVISION - THE INTERROGATION ROOM. BOOTH and GRAYSON are seated next to each other, both handcuffed to their chairs) GRAYSON: Look Man, my brother don't sag, slag or bang. BOOTH: What about you? GRAYSON: (scoffs) Man, Clark barely talks to me, ya dig? BOOTH: Why do you care? GRAYSON: He's my brother. And, your club is on my block. Do the math, Man. BOOTH: Look, I've been here before, OK. The place becomes a gang hangout, East Coast meets West Coast, somebody gets popped. GRAYSON: Says the dude with a dead body in his bathroom. BOOTH: Yeah, for all I know, you did it! GRAYSON: I pop somebody; I don't muffle the shot, brother, (Pan to CAM and JARED watching the conversation behind the one-way mirror.) GRAYSON: (voice-over) I shoot him right up in his face. Ask anybody. Look, Man, what if I decree your place off limits to my crew or any other crew? (Pan to BOOTH) BOOTH: You can decree? GRAYSON: He's my brother, Man. I wanna see him get his cheese, see his face on buses. BOOTH: (chuckles) Fine. C-Sync in da house. (BOOTH and GRAYSON go to shake hands, but their hands are handcuffed to the seat. They bump fists in agreement instead) (Pan to CAM and JARED behind the one-way mirror) JARED: You still think it could be him? CAM: Nope, he'd of taken credit if he did it, used it to scare your brother. This guy's got nothing to do with Worstenbach's murder. Let 'em go. (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR. BRENNAN, BOOTH and ANGELA are having a conversation) BOOTH: (to BARMAN) Thanks BRENNAN: Now they have my assistant, our doorman and our DJ... ANGELA: Well, I can watch the door until they release WENDELL. BRENNAN: What about entertainment? ANGELA: I thought that Sweets was fantabulisticulious. BOOTH: Uh, we got "The Crue". ANGELA: What crew? (SWEETS and DAISY enter. SWEETS' face is covered with lipstick marks, and DAISY is wiping her mouth) SWEETS: Hey, uh, so Daisy told me something, and I figured you need to know. DAISY: That murdered guy? I sorta had a conversation with him... BRENNAN: And you didn't tell the police? SWEETS: Well, it's what they discussed that's important. ANGELA: It's Daisy, so they discussed s*x. DAISY: That's mostly true. BRENNAN: OK, please, what is the point? DAISY: Well, Lance's songs were so romantic, which made me amorous... SWEETS: Oh, maybe skip ahead a little bit, DAISY: Oh, well, Lance was afraid we'd get caught because I am not abashed about noise, BRENNAN: OK is it skip, ahead or point that she doesn't understand? DAISY: Well, I told Lance that I knew a place where a couple in love could find some privacy. (BRENNAN looks at DAISY imploringly) DAISY: Oh! Which is what I also told Worstenbach. SWEETS: Yeah, and that's the point. (Cut to THE LOST AND FOUND, DAISY, BRENNAN and BOOTH are all present) DAISY: When Wendell does his sweep, he never checks the lost and found. BOOTH: Worstenbach could've hid back here, (Pan to BRENNAN crouching over to pick up a match) BOOTH: (voice-over) and waited for the club to be empty. BRENNAN: Remember all those wooden matches around the body? (holds up the match to BOOTH) BOOTH: He was here! BRENNAN: (to DAISY) Why didn't you tell the police you saw Wostenbach? DAISY: Fisher says that Mr. B probably killed the guy to save you, and that we should do everything we could to impede the investigation. Was that wrong? It felt right. (Cut to: interior THE LAB - BRENNAN'S OFFICE. ZACK is lying on BRENNAN'S couch without any shoes on) (BRENNAN enters, and is shocked to find ZACK on her couch) BRENNAN: What? They let you out! ZACK: Yes. Someone stole my shoes. BRENNAN: (chuckles) Of course they did. ZACK: Sweets found your coat. BRENNAN: I don't get the connection. ZACK: It was jammed into a case of premium gin. He brought it to me. I found the bullet hole. BRENNAN: Someone used my coat to muffle the gunshot. ZACK: (nods) BRENNAN: Well, what'd you do with my coat? (Cut to THE STORAGE ROOM, SWEETS and ZACK are moving boxes to show BRENNAN where they've disposed of her coat) BRENNAN: (looks into a bucket and sees the charred remains of her coat) That's my expensive Belgian Corduroy coat? SWEETS: I decided to douse with pure grade alcohol and burn it. BRENNAN: So you two conspired to keep this big secret from the rest of us. SWEETS: Mr. B had the strength to smash the guy's head against the wall, and you had the, ZACK: Clarity of will to shoot him. BRENNAN: Is that why you picked up the gun? In case my fingerprints were on it? ZACK: I've learnt a lot from Mr. Hodgins' books. (Cut to: interior BOOTH and BRENNAN'S APPARTMENT - BEDROOM. BOOTH is getting changed) (BRENNAN enters) BRENNAN: Zack and Sweets found my Belgian Corduroy coat and burned it because it had a bullet hole in it. BOOTH: Oh, wow, are you serious? BRENNAN: Yeah, the figured you bashed his head against the wall and I shot him. BOOTH: Should I be upset that everyone thinks that we're murderers, or just happy that everyone's trying to help us get away with it? BRENNAN: You should recognise that everything they do to try to help just makes us look more guilty! Especially you. BOOTH: Why me? BRENNAN: Because you are strong enough to bash his head into the wall and I'm not. BOOTH: Oh, so, are we having some doubts? BRENNAN: Not about anything important. Here. (BRENNAN goes over to fix BOOTH'S tie, BOOTH kisses BRENNAN) (Cut to: exterior THE STREET - THE ROYAL DINER. JARED and BOOTH are walking together) JARED: Yeah, the fibres we found in the wound track are Belgian Corduroy, how'd you know? BOOTH: We can't find Bren's coat! JARED: If it's in that club we'll eventually find it so, BOOTH: Yeah, I know, I heard you the first time! Get rid of it, burn it, whatever. The problem is, I didn't kill the guy. Max says that you're in the Gravedigger's pocket. Did he send this man? JARED: Max is nuts, and crooked as a stick in water. (JARED and BOOTH enter the ROYAL DINER) BOOTH: Oh, hey, hey, somebody put this Worstenbach guy on Bren. (JARED looks down) BOOTH: What? JARED: You're not gonna like it. BOOTH: Somebody comes into my club to hurt my wife, of course I'm not gonna like it! JARED: Bren was cheating on you with the Persian. BOOTH: (scoffs) You got that wrong. (JARED pulls some phone records from his jacket pocket) JARED: She met with him over a dozen times, over 70 phone calls over the past two weeks. How many times a day you talk to her? (BOOTH looks at JARED incredulously) JARED: This is what happened. They get into a thing, it goes south, Bren figures that it's not true love and that the Persian wants her for your nightclub. (BOOTH stands up, JARED does too) JARED: And then he threatens her, he sends this Worstenbach guy on the job, but you don't see it, because you don't use your head. You think that everything you feel is true, (BOOTH punches JARED in the face and walks out) JARED: You need to grow up. (Cut to: interior THE LAB. BOOTH enters, ANGELA is checking the guest list) ANGELA: Hey, Mr. B. Anybody else get arrested? BOOTH: Not that I know of. Hey, listen, Ange, you know the napkin you drew for Worstenbach, ANGELA: Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I didn't know what he wanted it for, BOOTH: No, uh, I know that, I, uh, just, why wasn't it finished? ANGELA: Oh, well, I got interrupted. BOOTH: Interrupted? By who? ANGELA: By Jared. He came in to ask me out. BOOTH: (scoffs) Jared saw Worstenbach and the napkin? ANGELA: (nods) BOOTH: Right. You seen Max? ANGELA: Yeah, uh, table 11. (BOOTH walks over to TABLE 11 where MAX is seated, on the way he passes a ROADIE for MOLTLEY CRUE) ROADIE: (to BOOTH) Hey, as soon as The Crue gets here we'll do a sound check. BOOTH: That's great. ROADIE: What time you want us to go on? BOOTH: Midnight. ROADIE: You got it, give or take. (BOOTH arrives at MAX'S TABLE) BOOTH: So, the cops think I committed the murder! MAX: The cops are the least of your worries. Make the payment. BOOTH: Right, you tell the Gravedigger that unless he's willing to kill me, it's over. Oh, one more thing, anything happens to my wife, it's you I'm coming after. MAX: Woah, woah, woah, me? I'm just the messenger! BOOTH: (scoffs) Oh, I don't know how you got Jared to believe that crap, but my gut is telling me you're nobodies messenger. (BOOTH exits, MAX calls after him) MAX: It's only money! I hate it when people say that. (Cut to: interior THE LAB. CLARK is entering with an entourage of women. He waves to BRENNAN and BOOTH who are standing on THE CATWALK above THE PLATFORM) (Pan to BRENNAN and BOOTH on THE CATWALK) BRENNAN: So, did the police try to convince you that I was having an affair with Arastoo? BOOTH: It's what they do, you know, drive wedges. BRENNAN: It wouldn't be irrational to think that I was having an affair with him. He's very handsome. BOOTH: Yeah, I'd feel if the energy was bad between the two us, I'd know. The same way that you would know that I couldn't murder someone. BRENNAN: I do believe that you would murder someone for me. And I believe that you'd lie about it so I wouldn't have to carry that burden. RANDOM GIRL: Tommy! Tommy! I love you! (Pan to THE PLATFORM, MOTLEY CRUE enter) BRENNAN: Hey, Nicky! Vince! NICKY: S'up! BOOTH: Excellent update on the lid, Nick. (MOTLEY CRUE do their sound check) MOTLEY CRUE'S MANAGER: Listen, go bigger, go louder, or just go home. (Pan to BRENNAN and BOOTH on THE CATWALK) BRENNAN: (to BOOTH) How did you convince them to leave Crue fest and appear here? BOOTH: Benefit for the kids. BRENNAN: We're doing a benefit for sick kids? Aww! (BRENNAN kisses BOOTH'S cheek) BRENNAN: Poor Cam and Jared. You know, if this murder is any inclination, I don't know how any homicide is ever solved. When everyone lies, everyone has a secret agenda. I'm glad we're nightclub owners and not crime solvers. BOOTH: I know who did it. BRENNAN: So do I. (Cut to WENDELL, VINCENT and CAM entering THE BAR) WENDELL: Awesome, it's the Crue! VINCENT: I've been bounced by a rock band! (MAX exits the club, whispering in CAM'S ear on the way out) (Cut to: interior THE LAB - BRENNAN'S OFFICE. BRENNAN and BOOTH are entering) BOOTH: When did you realise it wasn't me? (pours himself a large drink of whiskey) BRENNAN: You would kill for me, I know that, but whoever did this knocked him out, got my coat, before executing him. You would never do that. Jared is different. BOOTH: My brother killed a man to save my wife. What are we gonna do? (takes a large sip of whiskey) BRENNAN: Do? We thank him and shut-up. BOOTH: Bren, this is murder! BRENNAN: It's more like a rescue. BOOTH: Not everything is just so clear to you! BRENNAN: It is this time. BOOTH: I don't think I can live with this. (WENDELL enters) WENDELL: Boss? (Cut to: exterior THE LAB - THE ALLEY. BOOTH, BRENNAN and WENDELL are exiting THE LAB into THE ALLEY. CAM is holding JARED at gunpoint, CAROLINE and MAX also enter) JARED: I'm not going to prison. CAM: GPS puts you in this building at the time of the murder. MAX: Hey, I told you, no cell phone, no GPS. Should listen to me. CAM: Lose the weapon Detective. JARED: (shakes his head) BOOTH: Jared, just take out you gun. JARED: Oh, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. You ready? I'm a quick b*st*rd. CAM: By the barrel, nice and slowly. JARED: That's not how it's gonna go. (JARED reaches down to his holser) JARED: We both know how this is gonna go. (CAM cocks her gun) (BRENNAN walks between CAM and JARED) BOOTH: Bren! BRENNAN: It's OK, it's all ok. (to JARED) Thank you. (CAM lowers her gun) BRENNAN: You helped us. Now please, let us help you. (JARED gives his gun to BRENNAN, who then passes it to CAM) ANNOUNCER: (voice over) Please welcome to the stage, Motley Crue! CAM: Put the handcuffs on, Jared. (JARED handcuffs himself) (Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE PLATFORM. MOTLEY CRUE play "Dr. Feelgood") (Scene fades to white, then fades back to THE LAB at closing time) HODGINS: [narrating] You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering; that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart; maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. WENDELL: (voice-over) Locking up now, Boss! (Pan to BRENNAN'S OFFICE, BOOTH is standing in the doorway while BRENNAN stands behind her desk) BOOTH: Thanks, Wendell. You know, I think you're right, you know, I think we should sell out. BRENNAN: You're not afraid of this Gravedigger person? BOOTH: Nah, I told him if he didn't leave us alone I'd kill him. And he believes me. (BOOTH sits down in an armchair) BRENNAN: You mean you told Max to tell him. BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: Mhm. Caroline says if they can't trace the gun to Jared, they can't find my coat, he's going to walk. We can't sell the club; your brother might need a job. Plus, I have another confession. BOOTH: What? HODGINS: [narrating] You see two people and think they belong together, but nothing happens, (BRENNAN sits herself on BOOTH'S lap) BRENNAN: Well, you know that glass of wine that we share every night? BOOTH: Yeah... BRENNAN: I have to stop that. BOOTH: Oh c'mon, Bren. Just because you have one glass of wine every night with your husband, doesn't mean you're an alcoholic. BRENNAN: That's not why. (BOOTH realises what BRENNAN is trying to say and grins) BOOTH: No way! BRENNAN: (chuckles) BOOTH: Yeah! (BOOTH kisses BRENNAN) BOOTH: You are pregnant! There's a little baby boy, huh? BRENNAN: Or girl... HODGINS: [narrating] The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. (Scene fades to BOOTH lying in a hospital bed after his brain surgery, BRENNAN is sitting in a chair next to the bed typing on her laptop: "You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart; maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens which -." [NOTE: Text differs from HODGINS narration slightly]) HODGINS: [narrating] That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on out backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that- BRENNAN and HODGINS: [narrating] allow us to fly. (BRENNAN looks over at BOOTH and then back to her computer. She considers what she has written, and then deletes it) BOOTH: Such a weird dream, BRENNAN: Booth? Booth! You're awake! BOOTH: So real. BRENNAN: You're operation was a success, but you reacted poorly to the anaesthesia. You've been in a coma for the past four days. What took you so long to wake up? BOOTH: It felt so real. BRENNAN: It wasn't real. BOOTH: Who are you? (BRENNAN is taken aback and looks hurt) END.

All of the regular characters are seen living different lives. Booth and Brennan are married and own a nightclub called "The Lab", but when a body is found at the club, Detectives Cam Saroyan and Jared Booth are called to investigate. However, not everything is as it seems. For example, Caroline Julian, normally a federal prosecutor, is a defense lawyer, and Sweets is the frontman of the band Gormogon , who was a cannibalistic serial killer. It is subsequently revealed that Booth has been in a coma for several days due to his tumor operation and that the life he saw was possibly only a dream or a hallucination. It is also revealed that Brennan had been writing at his side, possibly narrating her story out loud as she wrote it, causing Booth to hallucinate what he did. She ends up deleting her work. The episode ends with Booth awakening from his coma without any memory of who Brennan is.

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1. COURTYARD - CHENG-TING WAY STATION (In the courtyard, SUSAN rushes back to the TARDIS after saying goodbye to PING-CHO. Suddenly, TEGANA emerges from the darkness, and grabs Susan.) SUSAN: (Screaming.) Grandfather! [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INTERIOR - TARDIS (The DOCTOR, IAN and BARBARA watch helplessly as the events unfold on the TARDIS scanner...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. COURTYARD - CHENG-TING WAY STATION (IAN slowly walks from the TARDIS.) IAN: Tegana... TEGANA: Stand still. IAN: Let her go. TEGANA: No. IAN: Let us all go. I appeal to you. What possible difference could it make to you - you hate Marco. TEGANA: Is the old man inside the caravan? IAN: Yes. TEGANA: And the other woman? IAN: Yes. TEGANA: Tell them to come out. (Noticing that IAN remains motionless, TEGANA tightens his grip on SUSAN.) TEGANA: Do as I command! (IAN reluctantly beckons for the DOCTOR and BARBARA to emerge from the TARDIS. As the DOCTOR and BARBARA walk out, POLO appears.) DOCTOR: (As he is approached.) There is no need. POLO: What's happened? TEGANA: They would all have escaped if I had not caught this one. (TEGANA indicates SUSAN, whom he is still holding in a firm grip.) DOCTOR: (To POLO.) Tell that man to take his hands off my grandchild. POLO: The key first, Doctor. (The DOCTOR reluctantly hands over the TARDIS key.) POLO: Release her, Tegana. (TEGANA hesitates... but POLO eventually forces TEGANA to release his hold over SUSAN. SUSAN immediately rushes over to the DOCTOR, and hugs him in relief.) TEGANA: What are you... let me kill them, and be done with it. POLO: We will kill no-one. TEGANA: Are you mad? They will only escape again. POLO: I don't think so. (SUSAN releases her grip of the DOCTOR, and bows her head sadly.) SUSAN: I'm sorry grandfather. DOCTOR: So long as you're safe Susan. That's all that matters. POLO: Where did you get the key, Doctor? PING-CHO: Messr Marco... IAN: (Hurriedly.) I took it. POLO: You did? IAN: Yes, I searched your room last night. POLO: (Thoughtfully.) I see. IAN: What are you going to do about it? POLO: Tomorrow morning at dawn, we ride to Shang-Tu. When next you see your caravan, it will be at the great Khan's summer palace, and that will make an end of it. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL POLO: (Writing in journal.) A day of hard riding. We left Cheng-Ting at dawn, and by dusk, had covered forty miles. As this is a densely populated area of Cathay, accommodation is not hard to find, and we have stopped for the night at an inn. Our baggage, including the Doctor's caravan, is following on with a trade caravan. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. INTERIOR - NEXT WAY STATION (The travellers are weary after the day's riding. In the main room of the way station, IAN and BARBARA are talking.) IAN: How's the Doctor? Got over his ride yet? BARBARA: (Smiling.) No, I don't think we'll ever get him on another horse as long as he lives. (IAN laughs.) BARBARA: Listen, we need the TARDIS. You must talk to Marco. IAN: Talk to Marco! I've done nothing else but talk to Marco. (At that moment, POLO appears.) BARBARA: (Hurriedly.) Oh, Marco, Ian wants a word with you. I'm feeling a bit tired, so I think I'll go off to bed. (Before IAN has the chance to reply, BARBARA quickly rushes off to her room.) IAN: (Shouting after BARBARA.) But... just a minute... Barbara, come here! POLO: Well? IAN: Marco, you must give us back the TARDIS. POLO: Is that what you want to talk to me about? IAN: Yes. POLO: Look, I've told you before Ian, you know what this caravan means to me. If I give it to the Khan, he'll let me go home. IAN: But we want to go home too Marco. And we can't go home without the TARDIS. POLO: I have offered to take you back to Venice with me, and see you safely on your way home from there. IAN: By boat. We can't go by boat, Marco, we need the TARDIS. POLO: Why Ian? Why? IAN: All right, I'll tell you why. And I'll tell you the truth. I don't suppose you'll believe it, but still. As I told you, I come from England. Barbara as well. POLO: Well, I grant you England's a long way, but the journey's not impossible, Ian. The Crusaders did it. IAN: The Crusaders! Oh, Marco, to me, the Crusaders lived seven hundred years ago. POLO: What are you talking about, Ian? The Crusaders were in the holy land, twenty-five years ago. IAN: I come from another time. Our caravan, it not only covers distance, it can cross time. POLO: (Disbelievingly.) Travel into the past and the future? IAN: Yes... I know it's difficult to believe, but it's the truth. POLO: On my travels to Cathay, Ian, I have come to believe many things which I previously doubted. For instance, when I was a boy in Venice, they told me that in Cathay, there was a stone which burned. I did not believe them, but there is such a stone. I have seen it. IAN: It's black isn't it? POLO: Yes. IAN: Coal. POLO: In Cathay, we call it the burning stone. And if a stone burns, why not a caravan that flies? Birds fly. I have even seen fish that fly. You are asking me to believe that your caravan can defy the passage of the sun, move, not merely from one place to another, but from today into tomorrow, today into yesterday? No Ian... that I cannot accept. IAN: I'm telling you the truth, Marco. POLO: Are you Ian? IAN: I swear it. (POLO considers what IAN has said. He holds up the TARDIS key.) POLO: Where did you get that? IAN: From your room. POLO: Whereabouts? Where had I hidden it? (IAN remains silent.) POLO: Come Ian, surely you know where you found it? (IAN continues to remain silent.) POLO: You didn't find it, did you? It was given to you, and you lied about finding it to protect Ping-Cho. Ian, don't you see it doesn't matter to me why you lied. What is important is the fact that you are capable of lying. IAN: So you don't believe me when I say I came from another time. POLO: If I did Ian, I would give you the key. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. STAIRCASE (PING-CHO has been listening to the latter parts of the conversation... she re-enters her room, and turns to the sleeping SUSAN.) PING-CHO: Goodbye Susan. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. INTERIOR - WAY STATION (NEXT MORNING) (Next morning, PING-CHO's disappearance has been discovered. IAN rushes down the stairs and joins BARBARA in the main room.) BARBARA: Well? IAN: There's no sign of her. BARBARA: She must have run away. But why? IAN: Because of that key, obviously. (POLO and SUSAN enter the room.) SUSAN: I'm sorry, Messr Marco, I didn't hear a word... POLO: I'm not blaming you, Susan. But we must find her, and quickly. BARBARA: Susan, have you any idea where she'd go? (SUSAN remains silent.) BARBARA: Well, speak up. POLO: There are robbers and cut-throats on the road! SUSAN: I... I think she might have tried to reach home. POLO: Samarkand? (SUSAN nods.) POLO: But that's a thousand miles from here! TEGANA: Will we go back and find her? POLO: I suppose we must... TEGANA: The Khan ordered you to ride without delay to Shang-Tu. POLO: I am also responsible for Ping-Cho's safety. TEGANA: Well... you're the one who will face his wrath. IAN: Will the Khan be angry, Marco? POLO: Of course, he will. IAN: Very well then. You ride on, I'll go back and find Ping-Cho. POLO: Alone? IAN: Why not? I can remember the road we came along. She can't be far. But she is in danger, and you yourself can't go... POLO: What do you hope to gain by this gesture, Ian? (IAN glares at POLO, refusing to answer the question.) POLO: I'm sorry. When do you want to start? IAN: As soon as possible. (POLO turns to one of the bearers.) POLO: Go with Messr Ian and prepare a horse and provisions. (The bearer nods, and leads IAN away.) BARBARA: Don't worry Marco. He'll bring her back. You mustn't underestimate him. TEGANA: Very good advice, Marco. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. INTERIOR - CHENG-TING WAY STATION (Back at the previous way station at Cheng-Ting, WANG-LO is making arrangements with an important Chinese lady.) WANG-LO: (To an employee.) When the embroiderers arrive, take them straight to the lady May-Ching. (WANG-LO turns back to the group of ladies, smiling broadly.) WANG-LO: My ladies, I cannot tell you how... hmmm... how wonderful it is to... (WANG-LO suddenly notices someone waving to him from the courtyard.) WANG-LO: Please forgive us... excuse me. (WANG-LO walks into the courtyard and confronts the shifty bandit, KUIJU.) WANG-LO: What do you want? KUIJU: The trade caravan to Shang-Tu. WANG-LO: (Looking around for the commander of the caravan.) Where is the other man? KUIJU: The old man isn't here... (KUIJU hands a scrolled parchment to WANG-LO. WANG-LO carefully scans its contents.) KUIJU: It's my authority to collect the... WANG-LO: (Impatiently.) I see! I've got eyes. It's in the stables. (Sighing, WANG-LO walks off with the parchment...) KUIJU: Hey! Give that to me! WANG-LO: (Waving KUIJU away.) Now, about your business! KUIJU: The old man is a fool... (Still holding on to the document, WANG-LO ignores KUIJU, and turns back to another group of travellers.) WANG-LO: Please follow me. (WANG-LO re-enters the way station with the other travellers. A few moments later, PING-CHO stumbles into the courtyard. She notices KUIJU standing a short distance away.) PING-CHO: My lord? KUIJU: Yes. PING-CHO: Are you with the caravan, my lord? KUIJU: I am, my lady. PING-CHO: Is your caravan bound for Samarkand? KUIJU: It might, why? PING-CHO: I would like to journey with your caravan, unless it is going to Shang-Tu. KUIJU: Err... it's possible... PING-CHO: I can pay. (PING-CHO searches through her pockets for all the money that she has.) KUIJU: (Hesitatingly.) Err... come to think of it... we do strike inland... I'll talk to the commander of the caravan. PING-CHO: Shall I come with you? KUIJU: No, you wait here. Give me the money... (PING-CHO hands over the money to a smiling KUIJU...) KUIJU: Don't worry, little one. I'll arrange it. (With a final grin, KUIJU walks off from the courtyard. As KUIJU chuckles, the monkey on his shoulder also begins to cackle. A few moments later, PING-CHO suspects something is wrong when KUIJU fails to re-appear. She approaches Wang-Lo, and tells the story to him...) WANG-LO: You paid money? You foolish child. You've been robbed. PING-CHO: Robbed? What shall I do? It was all the money I had. (WANG-LO peers at PING-CHO suspiciously.) WANG-LO: Haven't I seen you before? Not long since... I know! You were with Messr Marco Polo's caravan. PING-CHO: No, my lord, no... WANG-LO: (Horrified.) What have you done child? Run away? Oh... (At that moment, IAN enters the courtyard. PING-CHO, unable to control her emotions any longer, bursts into tears. She rushes into IAN's arms.) IAN: Ping-Cho, why did you do it? PING-CHO: The key... and I can't marry a man old enough to be my grandfather. I can't. Please don't take me back. Please... IAN: I must Ping-Cho. I promised Marco. WANG-LO: I knew I'd seen her before, my lord. Silly child - let herself be robbed. IAN: What? WANG-LO: Oh, some villain, posing as a caravan driver, took all her money on the promise of letting her travel inland with the caravan. IAN: Where did you meet this man? PING-CHO: Here. WANG-LO: At my way station? Impossible! PING-CHO: No, my lord, he was in the courtyard with you. WANG-LO: (Suddenly remembering.) Oh, that one! But he was going to Shang-Tu. I have the document authorising him to take the old lord's caravan from the stables. Here it is. (WANG-LO indicates the scrolled parchment, still in his hand.) IAN: So the TARDIS is on the road to Shang-Tu, eh? WANG-LO: It's... err... possible. (As IAN tries to comfort the upset PING-CHO, another man walks into the way station, and approaches WANG-LO.) COURIER: The trade caravan to Shang-Tu, excellency - there is something here for us to take. WANG-LO: Oh, but the other man said you were ill! COURIER: What other man? WANG-LO: The one that took the old lord's caravan. COURIER: (Indicating a scroll.) But here's my authorisation. WANG-LO: But... but... (IAN notices the look of confusion on WANG-LO's face...) IAN: What's the matter? WANG-LO: (Embarrassed.) Oh, nothing, my lord. Just a slight confusion. I'm sure it can be rectified. IAN: It's been stolen? (WANG-LO hangs his head.) IAN: The TARDIS has been stolen! [SCENE_BREAK] 9. MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL POLO: (Writing in journal.) I hope all is well and Ian has found Ping-Cho. Our progress towards Shang-Tu continues to be excellent, and we are now beyond the Great Wall, spending the fourth night of our journey at an inn about fifty miles from the summer palace. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. INTERIOR - NEXT WAY STATION (At the next way station, POLO and TEGANA are in the middle of a heated argument...) TEGANA: You trust too much, and doubt too little! Marco, let me go back after him. POLO: I will not agree to this! TEGANA: But Marco... POLO: Look, it's no good... how will it appear if I stand before the Khan without you? You speak for Noghai... silence could mean war... TEGANA: But... POLO: You must be at the summer palace. You must be, I say! TEGANA: Marco, the magician's caravan. Why do you think Ian offered so readily... so... so eagerly to go back after... after Ping-Cho? POLO: What's your point? TEGANA: Ping-Cho could be anywhere - the... the chances of finding her are very small. But, Ian knows where the caravan is... he knows exactly where it is. POLO: You're wrong Tegana. I think I know something of Ian's character... TEGANA: You can't know it all. Marco, just give me a strong horse... now by using your name, I can bring them both back to you. I can bring the girl to you, and the caravan will be safe. You need the caravan. Because when peace is concluded with Kublai Khan, he might very well exchange this magician's caravan for your return to Venice. (At that moment, there are the sounds of laughter. BARBARA and SUSAN appear - both are in a cheerful mood.) TEGANA: Ah... all their sympathies are with Ping-Cho. They are all against this marriage. POLO: Then why did Ian go back to look for her? TEGANA: Exactly. (TEGANA turns to a giggling SUSAN and BARBARA.) TEGANA: I'm glad to see that your humour is not impaired by our misfortune. BARBARA: What do you mean? What misfortune? TEGANA: Well... your friend Ian has not returned. We can only assume that he has failed to find Ping-Cho. BARBARA: Oh, you haven't given him enough time yet. SUSAN: Anyway, I'm glad. I hope he doesn't. TEGANA: Oh I see. You want to see her alone, do you? Without friends? She might be kidnapped, murdered. SUSAN: Well, that won't happen to her. She's got money. She can buy a safe passage home... TEGANA: Money! Are we all to sit in fear for her... and her intended husband sits in despair? SUSAN: Oh, even you couldn't be so cruel as to want her to marry a man four times her age! TEGANA: (Chuckling.) Even I? I thank you, lady. (TEGANA turns to BARBARA.) TEGANA: And this is your opinion too, I suppose? BARBARA: I suppose so. POLO: One moment. Are you opposed to Ping-Cho's marriage? BARBARA: (Hesitating.) Look, why are we... POLO: Answer my question please. BARBARA: Yes I am - completely opposed to it. TEGANA: How very unusual for you and Ian to disagree. BARBARA: It isn't unusual at all. We don't agree about everything. And in this case, we're in complete agreement - all of us. POLO: This marriage has the Khan's blessing. Am I to understand that you oppose it? Am I?? BARBARA: Yes. POLO: All four of you? BARBARA: Yes, all four of us. (POLO turns to TEGANA.) POLO: Take your horse Tegana. You have my leave to go. Use my name or such powers as you will, but bring them both to the summer palace. TEGANA: I shall do so. (TEGANA nods, and walks off to prepare for the journey.) SUSAN: Why did you do that? POLO: To make certain. SUSAN: Certain of what? POLO: That Ian has gone back to look for Ping-Cho, and not your caravan. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INTERIOR - CHENG-TING WAY STATION (At the Cheng-Ting way station, WANG-LO is using all of his charm in talking to the important Chinese ladies. The ladies suddenly burst out laughing at one of Wang-Lo's comments. Nearby, IAN is talking to PING-CHO about the TARDIS...) IAN: I've got to find it. I've got to. But where? PING-CHO: Perhaps it is still here. IAN: No, no, Ping-Cho. We should have heard. No, it's been taken all right. Is must have been taken by some old road... some route that's no longer used... PING-CHO: The Karakorum road. IAN: Karakorum? But Karakorum's the capital of the Mongol empire. PING-CHO: Not any more. Not since the Khan built his palace at Peking. IAN: Yes, but it'll still be an important place. I mean caravans will still go there. PING-CHO: Karakorum was not a city of stone. It was just a collection of tents. When the Khan moved, the Mongols dispersed. IAN: So the road isn't used any more? PING-CHO: Never. IAN: Then, that will be the answer! PING-CHO: Why would someone take the TARDIS to Karakorum? IAN: (Shaking his head.) I don't know Ping-Cho. But until I find it, we shall never leave Kublai Khan's Cathay... [SCENE_BREAK] 12. SHANG-TU - THE SUMMER PALACE (POLO's group ride into the Khan's summer palace at Shang-Tu. They stare around the wondrous surroundings in awe. Amidst the intricately designed pavilions, there are a number of carefully tended gardens. After dismounting from their horses, POLO's group is met by the Grand VIZIER, who is responsible for managing the KHAN's summer palace.) VIZIER: (Grandly.) The Great Warlord and Master of the World, mighty Kublai Khan is pleased to grant you an audience. POLO: We wait the Great Khan's pleasure. (Led by the Grand VIZIER, the group make their way towards the main palace. The DOCTOR stares around the surroundings in amazement...) DOCTOR: It's all Chinese - very interesting. It's odd that a Mongol should choose Chinese architecture. SUSAN: Did you see those beautiful pavilions? BARBARA: Yes - weren't they magnificent? POLO: Some of them are made of solid gold. SUSAN: Are they? DOCTOR: What size are the grounds? POLO: Oh, they're enormous. They have to be to accommodate the Khan's two great passions - hunting and falconry. Do you know in his stables, he has ten thousand white stallions? DOCTOR: (Rubbing his back.) Yes, well one's enough for me, young man. Red, white or blue! (The group finally enter the main throne room.) VIZIER: When great Kublai Khan appears, you will make your obeisance to him so that he may look kindly upon you, and spare your worthless lives. DOCTOR: Pray then, what am I supposed to do, sir? VIZIER: Kowtow. Kneel upon the ground and touch your forehead upon the floor three times. DOCTOR: (Outraged.) I shall do no such thing! VIZIER: Kublai Khan is the mightiest man the world has ever seen. Not to pay him homage will cost you your head. DOCTOR: Well, if it breaks my back, then he can take all of me! So why waste time on small items? SUSAN: Grandfather please... DOCTOR: (Grouchily.) Oh, do be quiet child! I'm not going to make a spectacle of... VIZIER: Silence! (A gong suddenly sounds.) VIZIER: Those who dare to come before the sight of the great Kublai Khan, kowtow. (Another gong sounds.) VIZIER: Kowtow before the Warlord of Warlords. Mighty and fearful in his strength. Kowtow before the Ruler of Asia, India, Cathay and other territories. Kowtow before the Master of the World. (As the other members of the group kowtow, the DOCTOR groans in agony as he kneels to the floor.) SUSAN: Grandfather, go on, get down... VIZIER: (Noticing the DOCTOR.) Kowtow! Kowtow! DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes... I'll manage it... VIZIER: Kowtow! (The DOCTOR tries to bend over, but the pain in his back proves too unbearable. The DOCTOR continues to moan in agony. Suddenly, at the cue of fanfare, Kublai KHAN enters the room. He is an aging old man with a long silver beard. He walks very slowly into the room, due to a large lump on his foot (the KHAN suffers from gout). Muttering in pain, the KHAN surveys the group in front of him. He notices the DOCTOR also crying in great agony...) THE KHAN: Do you mock our afflictions? DOCTOR: It's my back... THE KHAN: What ails it? DOCTOR: It's broken! VIZIER: Don't be impertinent! DOCTOR: I am not being impertinent, sir. I'm far from unwell... VIZIER: How dare you speak out! (Ignoring the DOCTOR's protests, the Grand VIZIER tries to physically force the DOCTOR to bend forward while on his knees.) VIZIER: This gout will be the end of us! THE KHAN: Get up. POLO: My lord... THE KHAN: Get up all of you. (The VIZIER assists the DOCTOR to stand. Kublai KHAN turns to the other members of the group.) THE KHAN: (To POLO.) These gracious ladies also accompany you? POLO: They do, my lord. THE KHAN: We bid you welcome to our Court... ladies. What's the matter with him? (Kublai KHAN indicates the DOCTOR.) POLO: Oh, five days hard riding on horseback, my lord. The Doctor's not accustomed to it. THE KHAN: Doctor? Oh? Is he?... Are you perchance, a physician? DOCTOR: I am not a doctor of medicine, sir, otherwise I should be able to cure these pains. THE KHAN: Oh, what a pity. Where is the Warlord Tegana? POLO: Riding for Shang-Tu, my lord, with the lady Ping-Cho and a companion of theirs. THE KHAN: Noghai's army is encamped at Karakorum. POLO: (Disbelievingly.) But that's impossible my lord! When Tegana joined my caravan, Noghai's army was only forty miles north of Samarkand. THE KHAN: Then it stands hundred miles from Shang-Tu. We are very anxious to hear Tegana's explanation of his master's conduct. POLO: I can understand my lord's concern, and it is my fault that he is not here. THE KHAN: We are on our guard against treachery... our patrols watch the Karakorum road, and tomorrow, we ride for Peking. SUSAN: Must we go too? VIZIER: Silence! Speak only when you are addressed. THE KHAN: Tut... tut... tut. What was it you say? SUSAN: Well, I wondered if we might wait for Ping-Cho, my lord. THE KHAN: No, I think it is better that you ride with us. DOCTOR: (Moaning.) Oh, not another horse! THE KHAN: You spoke?! DOCTOR: I said I don't think I could get on another horse. THE KHAN: Then walk! DOCTOR: In my present condition sir? And what about that lump of yours, hmmm? VIZIER: The Master of the World has a carriage of state. DOCTOR: (Muttering.) Well, well, he's lucky... he won't be jogged about... THE KHAN: (Chuckling.) Tomorrow, you will ride in state, with us. DOCTOR: Thank you. (The KHAN is suddenly struck by intense pain.) THE KHAN: (To the VIZIER.) Find suitable accommodation for our guests. VIZIER: As my lord commands. THE KHAN: Marco... POLO: My lord? THE KHAN: When Tegana arrives, bring him directly to us. POLO: Very good, my lord. THE KHAN: (To the Doctor.) We... we have healing waters here which relieve my gout. Come... let us observe their effects upon your aches and pains. DOCTOR: Very well... very well. THE KHAN: Oh, what a trial old age is. DOCTOR: It must be borne with dignity, sir. THE KHAN: Oh, dignity... yes of course. Now, take my arm friend. (Moaning and grumbling to one another, the DOCTOR and Kublai KHAN, linked arm-in-arm, slowly hobble from the throne room. SUSAN watches in amusement as the two old men leave the room. She laughs.) SUSAN: That's the mighty Kublai Khan! POLO: Laugh if you will, Susan, but he is the greatest administrator the world has ever seen. SUSAN: I'm sorry Messr Marco. BARBARA: Marco, we can't leave here tomorrow, not without Ian and Ping-Cho. POLO: I'm afraid we have no choice, Barbara. Don't worry, Tegana will bring them. BARBARA: Will he? [SCENE_BREAK] 13. THE ROAD TO KARAKORUM (On the road to Karakorum, KUIJU is resting in a clearing. He sits next to a small fire, while his monkey scampers around nearby. The TARDIS is strapped securely to one of the wagons. Unknown to KUIJU, IAN and PING-CHO are hiding behind a shrub.) PING-CHO: (Looking at KUIJU.) That's him, Messr Ian. That's the man who robbed me. IAN: Yes... it looks as though he's waiting for something. Waiting for somebody... that's why he's brought the TARDIS here. Take cover... get down, Ping-Cho. (IAN sneaks towards KUIJU, but the bandit hears the sounds of approaching footsteps. KUIJU draws his dagger, and faces IAN.) KUIJU: Who are you? What do you want? Speak! PING-CHO: (Appearing from the shrub.) Where's my money? (KUIJU is momentarily alarmed by PING-CHO's sudden appearance. IAN quickly knocks the dagger from KUIJU's hand, and picks it up before the bandit has the chance to recover. IAN presses the dagger against KUIJU's throat.) IAN: (Angrily.) Where is it? Where's the young girl's money? KUIJU: In my pouch, lord. IAN: Get it, Ping-Cho... (PING-CHO searches around in KUIJU's pouch, and re-takes her money.) IAN: You're a greedy man aren't you? And you brought the old lord's caravan here, I suppose, to get money? Well, was it? KUIJU: (Terrified.) Yes lord! IAN: And who's going to give you that money? Tell me! Tell me! KUIJU: Arghh! The Warlord Tegana! IAN: Tegana...! (Suddenly, TEGANA appears in the clearing, clutching his sword. PING-CHO screams as TEGANA grabs hold of her. Ian moves the dagger further towards KUIJU's throat as TEGANA moves closer.) IAN: I'll kill him. (TEGANA waves his sword impassively.) TEGANA: Do so. He is of no importance. (IAN hesitates as he moves the dagger millimetres from KUIJU's throat...) TEGANA: Come... come...

Missing episode Arriving in Central Asia in 1289, the Doctor and his companions join the caravan of the famous Venetian explorer Marco Polo as it makes its way from the snowy heights of the Pamir Plateau, across the treacherous Gobi Desert and through the heart of imperial Cathay. Having witnessed many incredible sights and survived a variety of dangers, they arrive at the mighty Kublai Khan's Summer Palace in Shang-tu, where the Doctor strikes up an extraordinary friendship with the now-aged ruler. They move on at last to the even more sumptuous Imperial Palace in Peking, where the travellers save the Khan from an assassination attempt by the Mongol warlord Tegana - supposedly on a peace mission - before departing once more in the TARDIS.

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x11

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x11_0

Allison: What are you doing to him? Is that gonna kill him? Kate: Oh, come on, kiddo. Don't get all ethical on me now. Allison: What is he? Kate: Shape - shifter. Lycan. Werewolf. To me he's just another dumb animal. Kate: Come here. See these right here? These are canines, also known as fangs. Made for the tearing and rending of flesh. Not something you'd find on those cute little leaf - eating herbivores, is it? Allison: This is a joke to you? Kate: Sweetheart, there are werewolves running around in the world. Everything's a joke to me. How else do you think I stay sane? Allison: So - it was him at the high school and all the other animal attacks? Kate: There's actually three of them - Another younger one like him called a Beta, and then there's the Alpha. Alpha's the pack leader - Bigger, stronger, nastier. Those - are the real ugly motherf - Allison: Oh, God, not now. Allison: When were they gonna tell me? Kate: They still haven't decided if they're gonna tell you. Allison: Why? Kate: Let's just say if you react badly when you find out - Not good. Allison: What do you mean,"not good"? Kate: They don't think that you can handle it. They look at you and they see this frightened little girl who's gonna run crying in the corner when she finds out the truth. Me - what I see - Natural talent. Allison, you said you wanted to feel more powerful, right? Now's your chance. Allison: What am I supposed to do now? Kate: Go to school, do your homework. Go to the Formal on Friday night. Be a normal teenage girl who doesn't know anything. Trust me to get everything ready for the next part. Allison: What's the next part? Kate: You're gonna help me catch the second Beta. Sheriff: Allison? You all right? Allison: Yeah. Sorry I was going so fast, I - I didn't realize I - I - Sheriff: Oh, no. Uh - Okay, all right, uh - Listen, you weren't going that fast. Just, uh - 75 in a 25 in a - construction zone. Allison: Oh, God - uh, I'm not crying get out of the ticket. I just, um - I don't want you to think I'm like this - Sheriff: No, it's okay, perfectly okay. It's, uh - Allison: No, please. Write me a ticket. I need you to write me a ticket, okay? Sheriff: Okay. I don't see how that's gonna really make you feel a lot better - Allison: It's so humiliating. I swear I'm not like this. Sheriff: I understand. Allison: This isn't me. This is - this is - This is not me! This is not me. I'm okay. Sheriff: Yeah? Allison: Yeah. I'm okay. I'm okay. Sheriff: Do I still have to write you a ticket? Deaton: Welcome back to the land of the conscious. You doing okay? Maybe you should sit down, huh? Hello? Deaton: I'm sorry, but we're - We're closed. Peter: Hi there. I'm here to pick up. Deaton: I'm not sure I remember you dropping off. Peter: This one wandered in on its own. Deaton: Even if he did, I'm afraid I can't help you - We're closed. Peter: Well, I think you can make an exception this one time - Don't you? Deaton: I'm sorry. That's not going to be possible. Maybe you could come back during regular hours. Peter: You have something of mine. I'm here to collect it. Deaton: Like I said - We're closed. Peter: Mountain ash. That's an old one. Deaton: Let me be as clear as possible. We - are - closed. Peter: There are others who can help me get what I want, Scott. More innocent - and far more vulnerable. Scott: Allison! Scott: Call it again. Stiles: It's not here. Okay, so you lost your phone. Why don't you just get a new one? Scott: I can't afford a new one. And I can't do this alone. We have to find Derek. Stiles: Well, "A", you're not alone. You have me. And "B", didn't you say Derek walked into gunfire? He sounds pretty dead. Scott: Argent's plan was to use him to get to the Alpha - they're not gonna kill him. Stiles: All right, so then just let them do what they're planning, you know? They use Derek to get Peter - problem solved. Scott: Not if Peter's going after Allison to find Derek! I can't protect her on my own. Which means we either find Derek first - just - just help me! Stiles: You know, you probably lost it when you two were fighting. You remember that, when he was trying to kill you, after you interrupted him trying to kill Jackson? Are you starting to see a pattern of violent behavior here? Scott: He wasn't going to kill anyone. And I'm not letting him die. Stiles: Could you at least think about letting him die? For me? What? Scott: My Mom just got home from work. Melissa: Hi. It's me. Melissa Mccall. I'm - giving you a call. That always sounds really weird because of my last name, Mccall. So - yeah. Um - You know, I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to reschedule dinner or lunch. It doesn't have to be dinner. Lunch is good. Or maybe you would like to do coffee, or maybe you're a tea drinker. I don't know. You know, we could also just go out for drinks. Yeah, 'cause I think I need a few after this profoundly embarrassing phone call. So if this really doesn't freak you out too much after this disastrous call, feel free to, um, give me a call. Stiles: Is she okay? What's she doing? Scott: Crying. Stiles: Scott, you can't protect everyone. Scott: I have to. Kate: Come on, Derek. He killed your sister. Now - either you're not telling me because, well, you want to kill him yourself, or for some reason - You're protecting him. Look at that sour face. I bet you always used to get people coming up to you saying, "Smile, Derek." "Why don't you smile more?" Don't you just wanna - kick those people in the face? Derek: I can think of one. Kate: Promise? 'cause if I thought you'd be that much fun - I'd let you go. All right, let's see. Nothing, nothing, nothing. God, I hate this detective crap. Derek: Are you gonna torture me - Or are you just gonna talk me to death, huh? Kate: Oh, sweetie, I don't - I don't wanna torture you. I just - wanna catch up. Remember all the fun we had together? Derek: Like the time you burned my family alive? Kate: No, I was thinking more about the - hot, crazy s*x we had. But the fire thing. Yeah, that was fun too. I love how much you hate me. Remember how this felt? Kate: Sweetheart, I really don't want to torture you. But he does. Scott: What do you mean, I can't go to the formal? Coach: Mccall, you're failing my class and two others. They told me to cut you from the team. I told them I'd sooner cut off my last remaining testicle than cut my best player. Scott: S - so the compromise is I can't go to the dance? Coach: Yeah. Scott: Then I quit the team. Coach: No, you don't. And if you show up at the dance. And I see you there - I'm gonna drag you out by your teeth. Jackson: You want me to take her to the formal. Scott: I don't want you to. I need you to. Jackson: Screw you. You know what? Screw you too. In fact, screw each other. Stiles: Hey, you know he saved your life, right? Jackson: He left me for dead. Scott: I got shot for you. Jackson: Oh, yeah? Show me the bullet wound. Scott: You know it healed. Jackson: Convenient. Scott: Just do it for Allison, okay? She's in serious danger. I'm talking around - the - clock danger. She needs someone to keep an eye on her at the dance. Jackson: Have her dad do it, okay? He's the one actually equipped to handle this. Scott: How am I supposed to do that and keep him from finding out about me? Jackson: Not my problem. Scott: You're her friend too. You are. All that time that you spent with her to get to me you can't tell me that you didn't get to know her and like her. It's Allison. It's impossible not to like her. You can't tell me that you don't care if she gets hurt. Jackson: What if I get hurt? Scott: Then it's worth it. Jackson: Not to me. Stiles: Well, I shouldn't say I told you so - 'cause it's not strong enough. How about I'm always right, and you should listen to whatever I have to say and never disagree ever, ever, for the sake of your wolflihood? Scott: I'm not done. Stiles: You're not done. Okay. Scott: One more thing. Jackson: Hey, what time should I pick you up for the dance tomorrow? Allison: Are you okay? Jackson: Yeah, I - I'm great. I'm just excited to go to the formal. With you. As friends. Just friends. Just - just friends. Stiles: Hey, don't worry. I'll still be there. Scott: I'm still going. Stiles: Is that such a good idea? Do you even have a date? Scott: Not yet. Stiles: Do you have a suit? Scott: Not yet. Stiles: Do you have a ticket to the formal? A ride there? Scott: No. And no. Stiles: So you're gonna ride your bike to a dance that you're not even allowed to go to without a date, a suit, or a way in with werewolves and werewolf hunters all out to kick your little werewolf ass. Scott: Yeah. You gonna help me? Stiles: Hell, yeah. Allison: Nothing's wrong, I just - I have a lot on my mind. Lydia: You could smile, at least. Ever heard of the saying, "Never frown. Someone could be falling in love with your smile"? Smile, Allison. I'm buying you a dress. Allison: Have to admit as far as apologies go, that's more than I expected. Lydia: Excellent. Allison: But not as much as I'm going to ask. Lydia: What? What's that supposed to mean? Allison: It means you're going to cancel on whatever dumb, roided - up jock you said yes to and you're going to go with somebody else. Lydia: Who? Allison: Him. Allison: Don't frown, Lydia. Someone could be falling in love with your smile. Stiles: Oh - okay, so are you just gonna - try these on right now? All of them? Is this a 24 - hour Macy's? Peter: That's not your color. Sorry if that was intrusive, but - considering your skin tone, I'd go lighter. Allison: Because I'm pale? Peter: Fair. I mean, you can't call skin like yours pale. Not skin that perfect. Allison: Okay. Peter: Trust me, I - I have a unique perspective on the subject. Do you mind? See? Much better. You're not here alone, are you? Shopping for dresses - with friends. High school dance. Allison: Formal. Announcer: Attention shoppers. To the owner of a blue Mazda, license plate - Allison: Did she just say a blue Mazda? Announcer: - 5768. Your car is being towed - Allison: Oh! That's my car. [SCENE_BREAK] Peter: I have to say, Scott, I continue to be impressed with your ingenuity. Just remember - You can't be everywhere all the time. Chris: Hey. It is me. I'm getting tired of leaving messages. I wanna know where you are. Call me. Now. Kate: Unfortunately, Derek, if you're not gonna talk - I'm just gonna have to kill you. So say hi to your sister for me. You did tell her about me, didn't you? The truth about the fire? Or did you? Did you tell anybody? Oh, sweetie - That's just a lot of guilt to keep buried. It's not all your fault. You got tricked by a pretty face. It happens! Handsome young werewolf mistakenly falls in love with a super - hot girl who comes from a family that kills the werewolves. Is that ironic? Is it - ironic - That you're inadvertently helping me track down the rest of the pack - again? Or just a little bit of history repeating. History repeating. It's not Jackson, is it? Oh, no, no, no, he's got a little scratch on the back of his neck, but - he's not in love with Allison. Not like Scott. Melissa: This is really nice. How did you afford a - oh - Scott: It's not gonna work, is it? Melissa: No, no, it's fine, it's fine. No one'll notice. No one legally blind. Scott: I heard that. Melissa: Okay, well, you just come in here, and we can try it. Come on, come on, come on. Let's do this. See? I actually think this is gonna work. Scott: Really? Melissa: Turn. And - no. Scott: What? Melissa: Yeah. Scott: What - I - I don't have time for this! I can't buy new ones, Mom! What am I gonna do? Melissa: Okay, don't panic, all right? Take them off. Pants off now. So is she coming here, because you know I need the car tonight. Scott: No. I'm going stag. Melissa: You're going alone? Scott: Stag. There's a difference. Sort of. Melissa: I'm sorry, I'm just a little, you know, surprised that, you know, you don't have anyone else to ask other than Allison. Scott: There are no other girls besides Allison. Melissa: You really feel that way? Scott: Can you just please keep sewing? Melissa: No, no, no, no. You have time for just one question. Come here. Do you really feel that way? Scott: I can't help it. I mean, every time I look at her, I get this - this hollow feeling in my chest, and it's like - it's like someone literally took a shovel and dug a hole in me, and it's the worst feeling I've ever had in my life, and I didn't - I didn't know anyone could actually ever feel this bad. Melissa: I know. Everyone knows eventually. It does go away. Scott: I don't want it to. Melissa: Have you told her how you feel? Scott: She knows. Melissa: Come on, she knows. She knows? Listen, dumb ass, I'm gonna let you in on a secret that most guys don't even have a clue about, all right? You ready? Women love words. Scott: Huh? Melissa: You need to tell her how you feel. Just say it. Say it again. Say it differently. Learn how to say it better. Learn how to sing it. You know, just write it in a poem and a letter attached to flowers, carve it in a tree, in a sidewalk with cement - tattoo on your arm. Scott: Really? Melissa: No. Not really. Just - Tell her the truth. Tell her - anything and everything you want. Scott: Everything? Melissa: But when you do - I'd keep that buttoned. Here you go. Allison: I'm good, thanks. Jackson: You want to do tonight sober? Allison: I wouldn't mind remembering some of it. Jackson: Yeah, well - I wouldn't mind forgetting all of it. Allison: Do you know if Scott's coming? Jackson: I know he's not allowed to. Academic probation. Allison: Normal teenage girl. You can do this. Smile, Allison. Somebody could be falling in love with your - Lydia: Jackson. You look handsome. Jackson: Obviously. It's Hugo Boss. Lydia: I don't care. I don't want compliments. I will not fall prey to society's desire to turn girls into emotional, insecure neurotics who pull up their dresses at the first flattering remark. Stiles: Well, I think you look beautiful. Lydia: Really? Allison: Do you wanna dance? Jackson: Do I have to? Allison: Not the response I was expecting, but - No, I guess not. Stiles: You wanna dance? Lydia: Pass. Stiles: You know what? Let me try that again. Lydia - get off your cute little ass and dance with me now. Lydia: Interesting tactic. I'm gonna stick with no. Stiles: Lydia, get up - okay? You're gonna dance with me. I don't care that you made out with my best friend for some weird power thing, I don't - Lydia, I've had a crush on you since the third grade. And I know that somewhere inside that cold, lifeless exterior there's an actual human soul. And I'm also pretty sure that I'm the only one who knows how smart you really are. Uh - huh. And that once you're done pretending to be a nitwit - you'll eventually go off and write some insane mathematical theorem that wins you the Nobel Prize. Lydia: A Fields Medal. Stiles: What? Lydia: Nobel doesn't have a prize for mathematics. The Fields Medal's the one I'll be winning. Coach: Mccall! I see you! Come here, buddy. Come here. Mccall! Get outta my way! Mccall! It's a small gym, buddy. I'm gonna find you. I gotcha, Mccall! Come here, come here! Get outta my way! Mccall! Scott: Danny, Danny, dance with me. Danny: What? Scott: Dance with me. Danny: No. Scott: Please! Right now! Right now! Coach: Mccall! You're not supposed to - What the hell are you do - What the hell are you doing? Scott: Yes, coach? Coach: Okay, ho - ho - ho - ha ha. Hold on, you - I was just saying he's not supposed to - I mean, I wasn't saying that he shouldn't - You guys don't think - You don't - I - I was - Just dance, everybody. Just dance! Dance! It's a party! Scott: Thanks, dude, I owe you! Coach: What are you looking at, Greenberg? Scott: Allison. Allison: Yes, I would love to dance with you. Stiles: You okay? Lydia: Just - need to take a little break. Stiles: You mean you need to go find Jackson. I get it. Jackson: Come on. Come on, do it. I know you're here. Come on! Come on - I wanna be like you. I wanna be one of you. Please. Chris: Unfortunately, Jackson, I don't think I can give you what you want. But I have a feeling you might be able to help me. Allison: What? Scott: It's just hard not to look at you. Allison: I like it when you look at me. Scott: I remember this one time, Uh - I was holding you and you fell asleep in my arms and - I was watching you and I thought, "I could stay like this for hours." And then - you started drooling and it got kinda disgusting. And then my arm fell asleep with your head on it and pins and needles started to hurt. Allison: Okay. Shut up. Scott: Sorry. I just like hearing you laugh. And, uh - I kinda love your smile. Allison, I need to tell you something. Remember when we were talking in my room the other night? Allison: Oh, you don't have to apologize. Stiles told me about the car accident. Scott: I - it's not that. It's about Derek, and it's about everything that you were trying to tell me. Allison: That was, uh - forget about that. I - I - I don't know what I was talking about. Scott: I do, and I believe you. Allison: You don't have to. I know things now - things are different. Just - just trust me. Jackson: You promise you won't hurt him. Chris: Of course not. He's just a kid. Jackson: What are you gonna do? Chris: I'm going to take care of it. Now, go back to the dance, Jackson. Be with your friends. Be a normal teenager. Lydia: Jackson! Scott: You weren't wrong. Allison: Yes. I was. The stuff I was saying, it was crazy, so - Scott: Allison, please let me talk. Allison: Why did you do that? Scott: Because I love you. Stiles: Where the hell have you been? Did Lydia ever find you? What? What's wrong? Jackson: I - I was out behind the school, and I - I was - out - Stiles: What happened? Jackson. What did you do? Lydia: Jackson! Jackson! Jackson! Jackson, is that you? Jackson, is that you? Stiles: Lydia! Run! Stiles: Don't kill her. Please. Peter: Of course not. Just tell me how to find Derek. Stiles: W - what? Peter: Tell me how to find Derek Hale. Stiles: I don't know that. How would I know that? Peter: Because you're the clever one, aren't you? And because deception has a particularly acrid scent, Stiles. Tell me the truth - Or I will rip her apart. Stiles: Look - Look, I don't know, okay? I sw - I swear to god, I have no idea. Peter: Tell me! Stiles: Okay, okay, okay, look, I - I think he knew - Peter: Knew what? Stiles: Derek, I think he - I think he knew he was gonna be caught. Peter: By the Argents? Stiles: Yeah. Peter: And? Stiles: When they were shot, he and Scott - I think he took Scott's Phone. Peter: Why? Stiles: They all have GPS now. So if he still has it and if it's still on - you can find him. Scott: Where are we going? Allison: Somewhere we can be alone. Scott: Alone where? Where are you going? Allison: Over here. You okay? Scott: Yeah. Just a little weird deja vu. Sure this is a good idea? Allison: In a minute, you are going to think this is a great idea. Scott: I really hate it when you say things like that. Allison: Come on. Scott: We should get back to the dance. Screw it.

Kate has Derek chained up in a basement following her attack on his house and shows him off to Allison before torturing him. The coach has banned Scott from the Spring Formal in exchange for not dropping him from the team for academic reasons. Scott intimidates Jackson into escorting Allison to the dance, and she asks Lydia to escort Stiles. Stiles convinces Peter Hale, who is the alpha werewolf, to spare Lydia's life after he bites her. Peter Hale agrees to Stiles' request, but in return Stiles must help him locate Derek. Scott sneaks into the dance, confessing his feelings to Allison. But soon thereafter, Allison discovers Scott's secret when her father, Chris Argent, and another hunter try to run Scott down with their car.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_04x12

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_04x12_0

Credit & Thanks to ~ Vibrant Fields ~ Grey's Anatomy S4x12 MVO: we like to think that we are rational beings ... (view of Christina with her feet up on a chair in the lounge sleeping with something over her eyes) MVO: humane ... conscientious ... (view of Izzie in the clinic hallway asleep on a gurney with a book/chart in her hands) MVO: civilized ... (view through window of Alex asleep face down) MVO: thoughtful. (close- up on Meredith sitting in her therapist's office) Therapist: This is your third session, and you still haven't said anything yet. Now, while I love the quiet time, ... Meredith: I read a study that, uh, says that just the act of going to therapy is beneficial, even if you don't say anything, even if you just sit. Therapist: So you thought you'd come here and just sit? That's how you're gonna solve your problems? Meredith: I don't have problems. Therapist: What brings you here? (Meredith has no answer for that.) MVO: But when things fall apart ... even just a little ... it becomes clear- we're no better than animals. (pan from the therapist waiting for an answer, to her fish tank, to roaches crawling across a table. The table is in George's really dirty tiny filthy apartment. He has a book in his hands and is clearly not happy with the roaches as he swats at them.) George: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! (he jumps over a chair and reaches for something in the kitchen area and throws it in the roaches' direction. Lexie is standing in a doorway brushing her teeth.) Lexie: It's not that bad. I mean, once we get rid of the roaches, the apartment George: the CRAPartment. Lexie: George, this is our home. We'll fix it up. George: With what money? Lexie: We'll figure it out. Look, I like it here, and I would like it here so much more if you would like it here, too. (There is a roach crawling across the 50's looking fridge. He swats it with a yell. She watches him. He looks at her, unable to understand how he could get use to it.) [SCENE_BREAK] Therapist office: MVO: we have opposable thumbs ... Meredith: look, I'm fine. It's just ... I just haven't been sleeping. You know, it's a-the ... just been five weeks, and I can't sleep. Therapist: Five weeks since what? (Meredith says nothing and sits back in her chair.) Look ... I work in this hospital. I try not to listen to gossip, but this is a very gossipy place. So there are some things that I've heard. Meredith: Derek's not the reason I'm ... here. He's not the reason. Therapist: Then what brings you here? (Meredith's beeper goes off. She looks at it, and gets up and leaves.) Meredith: you know, I gotta go. I'm in this contest. Therapist: Grey, if you j ... MVO: We think ... (view of a door and a beeper sounding. Christina bolts out of her lounge room.) MVO: We walk erect ... (View of hallway of gurneys and sound of a beeper. Izzie sits up right with a start. She stumbles up off the gurney and runs down the hall.) MVO: We speak ... we dream ... (view of Alex still sleeping on the couch as her pager buzzes.) [SCENE_BREAK] View of a larger hallway. Christina is walking fast down it, followed by Izzie and Meredith. They all start walking faster and faster. MVO: but deep down, we're all still rooting around in the primordial ooze, biting, clawing, scratching out an existence in the cold, dark world like the rest of the tree toads and sloths. [SCENE_BREAK] Nurses station. Bailey is moving charts with Tuck on her hip. Webber is leaning on the counter. Webber: There's a contest going on. Bailey: Sir? (She walks away from him, but he follows her) Your residents-they've been living in the hospital around-the-clock for the last 14 days, engaged in a surgical contest with a point system. Bailey: I don't know what you're talking about. (She tries not to look as the sound of sneakers can be heard and then the 3 doctors go fast walking through the lobby. Webber turns back to Bailey with a look.) Bailey: They're committed. It's commitment Webber: It's a lion fight. Bailey: Okay, I have one baby to get to day care. I have 50 residents on my watch, four surgeries on my schedule. The lions can fight all they want. I'm not zookeeper. (Webber starts to walk off, and then turns back.) Webber: Keep your animals under control. Bailey: Yes, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] Lobby. Christina comes to a halt to avoid Webber. Izzie and Meredith plow into her. Meredith: Move it! They all look across the lobby and see Rose casually walking in with Derek. Christina: She's wretched ... and mean. Meredith: She's not. Izzie: You know, I heard one of the nurses saying that they've only been on five dates. Christina: Yeah, 'cause Derek knows she's wretched, and she's mean. Izzie: Yeah. (George walks up behind them) George: (to Izzie) What did you do to your hair? Meredith: You guys, I know you're trying to make me feel better, but I have to tell you, this pausing to talk about Rose and Derek, it just means ... Christina: Yeah? Meredith: I'm gonna win. (and she dashes off) Izzie: You bitch! (Christina and Izzie follows her, but gets tangled in George briefly) What? (George follows them at a hurried pace. They are bookin' down the halls.) Izzie: (to George) Keeping it clean was getting in the way of the contest, so I chopped it off last night. It just makes me faster and sleeker, like a cheetah. George: You chopped off all your hot hair for a stupid contest? Izzie: Not stupid. Rock star contest. Best contest ever. You should try living in the hospital for two straight weeks, George. It's amazing. Christina: (to George over her shoulder) This contest is for residents only. George: (irritated) Yes! I know that. Izzie: Doesn't mean he can't still live here. I feel juiced and alive, and my brain is clicking and running. I have never been more on my game. Meredith: I'm kinda sad the contest ends tonight. Christina: I'm not. I want that prize. George: What prize?! (as he collides with someone on crutches) Izzie: (slowing down only a bit for George to catch up.)Bailey won't tell us. But I want it. I want it bad. Meredith: too bad you're never gonna get it. Izzie: So on my game! (George has stopped in the middle of the hallway as the girls continnue on, oblivious. He is frustrated and kicks the wall.) [SCENE_BREAK] Nurses Station Derek and rose round a corner. She continues on her way and he stops near Sloan at the nurses station. Derek: (to Rose)Yeah. (to Sloan)Hi. (to nurse) Good morning. Thank you. (Sloan watches Rose walk down the hall.) Sloan: What do you see in her? Is it the hot s*x? Is she an animal? Is she a bobcat? Derek: Mark. Sloan: Come on. Lady on the streets, tramp in the sheets. Am I right? Derek: (sarcastic) Oh, yeah. She's amazing. Hot, sweaty. Very dirty, hot, sweaty s*x. Sloan: You haven't slept with her yet, have you? Derek: She's waiting until we're serious. She has morals. She's a lady. Besides, you know what's better than s*x? Sloan: What? Derek: Anticipation. Anticipation, my friend. [SCENE_BREAK] Scrub Room. Christina, Izzie and Meredith are prepping. Alex bursts in through the doors. Alex: Why didn't anybody wake me? Izzie: Why would we help you? Alex: There's such a thing as honor. Christina: Yeah, it's dog-eat-dog, Karev. Suck it up. (hands him a booklet as he dresses. She walks off.) [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. Callie and Hahn still in day clothes walk in. Callie: I'm so not doing thiS. Hahn: You so are gonna do it. Callie: I'm so not. (They walk past where the residents are prepping. Christina notices them.) Christina: (in a lowered voice) Callie. Callie. Callie. Callie. Callie. Callie: Oh, hey. Christina: You-you came in with Hahn? Callie: Erica? Yeah. We went out last night, and then it got kinda late with the dancing and the ... anyway ... we never made it home, so I hitched a ride here. Christina: You're hanging out with Dr. Hahn? Callie: Erica. Yes. Christina: So you and Hahn are friends? Callie: Erica. Yeah. (Izzie, Meredith and Alex rush out into the hall to Christina) Christina: (to Izzie) See, this is the downside of the contest. I'm stuck here all the time, and Callie's living in my apartment and hanging out with Hahn. Izzie: I bet they're just trying to pick up guys. I'm so glad I'm past that. I don't need guys. I don't need s*x 'cause this competition is my orgasm. Christina: You know what? I should be hanging out with Hahn. Izzie: Cristina, would you focus? It is so much more fun kicking your ass when you focus. (And she rushes off down the hallway. They all rush after her.) [SCENE_BREAK] Ambulance Bay. Alex has a clipboard that the others are trying to see. Meredith: Who's winning? Alex: Yang. Christina: Surprised? Izzie: What? Let me see. (she hangs over his shoulder) I'm 26 points behind? That's not possible. (Alex walks away from her. She stands there dumbfounded.) Count again. What about all the surgeries? Christina: Only 3 points for watching. You gotta do. (ambulance sirens in the distance) Izzie: I do do. I can't make them let me do procedures. Meredith: You gotta ask. Christina: You gotta take charge of your own destiny, make it happen, like this. (she marches right up to the ambulance that has now pulled in and throws open the door.) What do you got? EMT: Otis Sharon, 61-year-old male, found unconscious on the street corner with a swollen ankle. Christina: (disappointed) Not it. (and walks away) Otis: I don't even know what happened. EMT: Initial B. P. Was 90 over palp. Vitals stable after a bolus of N. S. (Meredith is looking him over. Izzie: (shouting) Okay, he's mine. All of you back off. Meredith: (sadly) It's a swollen ankle, Iz. Izzie: (firm) Yeah, he passed out, he's pale, altered, hypotensive, and he's got a rash. You see a sprained ankle. I see a medical mystery. 80 points. (She is talking while following the gurney backwards into the hospital. Bailey walks out past her and sees Meredith, Christina and Alex standing around.) Bailey: Oh, Stevens is the only one working today? Christina: Uh, no. We're all working. We got paged. Bailey: For the ankle. It's gone. Now you're trolling for traumas? Meredith: Somebody could come in any minute with a critical injury. We're being proactive. Alex: We're helping people. Bailey: You're trolling. You're trolling, and I've got no one on post-op and pre-op. Now move. (a dirty SUV squeals into the Bay.) Woman: Help us! Please help! Phillip: Help my brother! (Christina opens the door there is a man, Scott slumped in the back seat with a woman. ) Meredith: I'm gonna get a gurney. Phillip: Help my brother. (Alex has run to the Driver's passenger door to see to the woman, Mrs. Robinson. Bailey has opened the driver's door.) Bailey: What happened to your hand? Phillip: Uh, a bear. Bailey: A what? Mrs. Robinson: (to Meredith) He's really hurt. We tried to stop the bleeding. Phillip: We were camping in the mountains. Alex: You drove all the way here? Phillip: We couldn't wait for an ambulance. (to Bailey)I'm fine. Bailey: No, you're not. Let me see your hand. Christina: Sir, let's try and get you on this gurney. (she gestures for Scott to get out.) Mrs. Robinson: Careful. Christina: Step down right here. (She and Alex support him. Scott loses the coat that was on his lap and his intestines start to fall to the ground. Christina fumbles to catch them. The man has passed out and Alex is holding him to the gurney.) Christina: I- intestines in the hands. Intestines in the hands. Bailey: Did you just say- Christina: Intestine in the hands! [SCENE_BREAK] ER Room. Christina, Bailey and Alex are seeing to the driver's arm. Hahn is also in the room. His wife, Mrs. Robinson, is by the door. Phillip: He just touched it. He just ... just put his hand out. A cub, and then the m- the mother came. Bailey: I bet she did. Phillip: Why would he do that? We go camping all the time. I don't why ... Bailey: okay, try to relax, Mr. Robinson. Hahn: All right, get me a chest tube tray, please. (Webber walks in the room) Webber: Did I hear bear attack? Bailey: Complete evisceration, chief. Webber: Give me 100 of sux, 20 of etomidate. Get me an intubation tray and an O.R. Room ready now. Phillip: Are you gonna put me under? Hahn: Sir, it'll be the best thing that's happened to you all day. Phillip: Is my brother gonna be okay? Please. This whole thing's my fault. I gotta know if he's okay. Meredith: They're taking him to surgery. They don't know much yet. Alex:We'll keep you informed. Phillip: Okay, okay. Hahn: Impressive hand, Phillip. I can see right through it. Mrs. Robinson: (from the doorway) The bear cub, she just latched on and wouldn't let go. And then-and then when Scott came over to try to help, the mother, she ... oh, god. I can't believe we got out of there alive. Pillip: He has to be all right. He's gonna be all right. (Mrs. Robinson goes to his side) He has to be, right? Right? He has to be all right. [SCENE_BREAK] ER Exam room. Izzie has a stethoscope to Otis' chest. Izzie: You really don't remember how you fell? Otis: One minute I was walking down the street, and the next minute, there was paramedics standing over me. Izzie: Have you been feeling dizzy lately, like the room is spinning? Otis: Maybe a little. Izzie: Any muscle aches? Fatigue? Fever? Headaches? Otis: Well, now that you mention it, yes. Izzie: Any recent travels? Otis: Well, I go back and forth to the east coast for my job. Does that count? Izzie: Notice any tick or mosquito bites? Otis: I- I live near a lake. I get mosquito bites all the time. Oh, god. Do I have something bad, like malaria or west nile virus or something? Izzie: Oh, no, no. There's no need to panic, Mr. Sharon. We're gonna take this one step at a time, okay? Otis: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Scrub room. Bailey, Christina and Alex are at the sink. Webber enters. Webber: Mama bear don't mess around. Bailey: Mama bears never mess around. Hahn enters Hahn: I have a ross procedure, but I want to keep a close eye on his chest tube outputs and blood pressure. What's the game plan? Webber: He's a setup for overwhelming sepsis, so we're gonna deal with the life-threatening blood loss and get out of there. You can't touch him until he's stable. Hahn: I'm in O.R. Four. Can you make sure I'm getting hourly updates? Christina: Oh, I'd be more than happy to apprise you of his condition, Hahn. Hahn: Fine. (and she leaves.) Alex: You don't get points for sucking up to an attending, Yang. Christina: Oh, shut up. [SCENE_BREAK] Supply closet. Lexie is pulling supplies and putting them into a bag. George enters. George: I hate this contest! Lexie: There's a lot of stuff in here. There's a lot of stuff. George: Stupid, stupid contest- stupid, and irresponsible. I want to play. Lexie: There's good stuff, free stuff. (Izzie enters) Izzie: I need a butterfly needle, a vacutainer, and, uh, maybe an L. P. Kit. I'm 26 points behind, so I need it fast. Lexie: Why, what do you got? Something good? Izzie: Uh, sprained ankle. (Lexie leaves) George: you get 26 points for a sprained ankle? Izzie: Last time callie treated what we thought was a sprained ankle, it turned out the patient was malnourished, had a perforated ulcer and died on the table. George: That's the best case scenario. Izzie: Well, not the death part, George. The medical mystery part. It's 80 points for solving a medical mystery. It's the holy grail of the competition. George: Oh, yeah. Sometimes an ankle's just an ankle, though. Izzie: (determined) Syncope, a very strange rash, pale, insidious onset in a guy who travels a lot. This is NOT just an ankle. (Lexie returns with Izzie's request) Izzie: Oh, thanks. (Lexie pulls a plastic wrapped cloth from a shelf) Lexie: Oh, I could do a lot with these. George: That's an underpad. Underpads soak up urine. Lexie: Or ... it could be a place mat. (George leaves) Lexie: (spying a urinal) OH! Fruit bowl. [SCENE_BREAK] Phillips Room. Phillip is filling out paperwork. His wife, Mrs. Robinson is there with Meredith and Christina. Phillip: There. Done. Beat you, busted hand and all. Meredith: It's completely illegible. Mrs. Robinson: He's a slob. Phillip: Still beat her. Meredith: Okay, Mr. Robinson, O'Malley is going to come and take you to x-ray, and I am gonna take your wife to the waiting room until you get back. Mrs. Robinson: She said "wife." I'm still not used to that. Phillip: We're newlyweds. Meredith: Congratulations. Phillip: She's my rebound girl. Mrs. Robinson: Um, he's a little hopped up on painkillers right now. (to Phillip) I think you're oversharing, honey. Phillip: She thought she was my rebound girl, but I rebounded her, all the way to the church. Only knew her ten days, but when you know, you know. You know? Mrs. Robinson: (tenderly) I'm leaving you. Phillip: I'll miss you while you're gone. (Meredith and Mrs. Robinson leave the room. Mrs. Robinson leans against a wall and starts to cry.) Meredith: Are you okay? Mrs. Robinson: It's just, you know, you marry a man like that ... or a man like that marries you, and he's cute and he's rich ... he's a catch by anyone's standard. So you sort of sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop, because there's no way a man like that marries you. Or me. I mean, he married me. (Meredith looks sympathetically at her.) I'm sorry. I must look like a crazy woman. Meredith: It's okay, but it looks like you're bleeding a little. Do you mind if I just take look? Mrs. Robinson: No, no. I'm-I'm fine. I just scratched myself on a branch when we were running. (She takes off her hat and we see a huge patch of her scalp is missing, and bloody matted hair. Meredith is staring at her head.) Mrs. Robinson: Why are you looking at me like that? [SCENE_BREAK] Mrs. Robinson's Room. Mrs. Robinson is now in bed. Derek, Sloan, and Meredith are there. Derek: CT is clear. Sloan: But it's deep. That bear clawed you good. Mrs. Robinson: Go I didn't even feel it. Meredith: Adrenaline's a pretty powerful drug. Sloan: You're gonna have to repair the galea, but it should reattach without a problem. Derek: Okay, squeeze my fingers as hard as you can, please. Mrs. Robinson: I just got happy. I just got married, and I'm really, really happy. I don't have permanent brain damage, do I? Derek: No, it appears that you do not. Mrs. Robinson: Okay, good. Derek: (to Meredith) Page me if any neuro deficits appear. (He barely looks at her and walks out. She watches him leave.) Sloan: You got lucky. Your scalp wasn't completely taken off, so we can just sew it back on. Your hair should cover the scar. You won't even need surgery. Mrs. Robinson: That's great. Thank you. Sloan: Grey here will take care of you. You can go back to being a happy newlywed. Mrs. Robinson: Okay. Sloan: (whispered to Rose) Don't worry. He and Rose won't last. [SCENE_BREAK] OR. Scott's Surgery. Webber: He's hypothermic, and his bowels are swollen. We need to stabilize him in the I.C.U. And try and get him back to the O.R. when he's less acidotic. That'll give us time to deal with the puncture wounds and the lacerations. Sorry to say that one of you has several hundred sutures ahead of you. Christina (quickly): I can do it. I'll do it. I need the practice. Alex: Her stitches are flawless. I need the work. Christina: Yes, they're flawless because I practice. Bailey: Karev, it's yours. Alex: (elated) Yes. Bailey: (to Christina) You need to update Hahn on the condition of the patient hourly. That ought to keep you busy. Christina: That is a minute an hour. I can suture for the other 59. Bailey: Fine, you both do it. Alex: That's not fair. Bailey: This man was a chew toy for a grizzly bear. There'll be enough to go around. Webber: (mock surprise) A lot of enthusiasm for an afternoon of stitching. Christina: Some people find it boring. I value the fundamentals. Bailey: (to Webber) It's a point a suture. (to Christina) Kiss ass. [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. Lexie comes through some double doors and then stops. She sees a picture on the wall next to her. She looks at it, looks around, then takes it and walks back the way she came. [SCENE_BREAK] Otis's exam room. Callie is looking at an X-ray. Izzie is palpating Otis' ankle. Callie: It is a hairline fracture. His E.S.R. And C.R.P. S were elevated. Izzie: I also appreciated some swelling in the knee. Otis: What does that mean? (Callie is in the background looking at Otis' chart. Listening to Izzie.) Izzie: There could be some sort of inflammatory process going on. Otis: Inflammatory? That sounds bad. Izzie: I don't want you to worry yet, Mr. Sharon. Otis: (surprised) Yet? Izzie: Is there someone I can call for you? Maybe you shouldn't be alone here today. Callie: (concerned) Um, how were his labs? Izzie: W.B.C. 's normal, slightly anemic, potassium's mildly decreased. Callie: Okay, give him, a, uh, k-rider, then see if you can tap the fluid in his knee to check for white cells or crystals. Let me know if the tap's positive. Good luck, Mr. Sharon. Otis: You think I need luck? Oh, god. I want to go home. I want to go home. Izzie: Mr. Sharon Otis: I want ... look, I want to go back. I want to go back to when I was 30, and I want to stop smoking when I was 30. Or back to when I was 20 and not start smoking in the first place. I want to give up coffee and junk food and beer, and I want to be healthy like my ex-wife always nagged me to be. She was a saint. she was a saint, and I drove her away. I want to go back and not drive her away so I don't end up at 60, sick and fat and alone and scared in some hospital with some beautiful young doctor holding my hand, that she wouldn't be holding my hand except she's trying to figure out what horrible disease I'm gonna die of. I ... I want to go home. [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. Callie is standing taking a breath when Christina and Alex come around the corner, walking fast towards the elevator. Callie: Where's the fire? Christina: Can't talk now. Gotta kick Karev's ass suturing. (Seeing Karev waiting at the elevator, Christina turns around to Callie.) Christina: Uh, since when are you friends with my mentor? Callie: A," she's not your mentor because she treats you like crap, and "b," if you weren't living in the hospital like a mangy dog, you would've noticed that Erica and I have been friends for a while." (Christina looks back at the elevator. Alex is still waiting.) Christina: You put in a good word for me, right? Callie: We don't talk about you. Christina: I let you live with me. Callie: (looking at her chart)He's getting on the elevator. Christina: Who? Callie: Alex. Christina: (turning around and running for the door) Hold it! Hold it! [SCENE_BREAK] Computer room. Meredith and George. Meredith: It needs surgery, but callie wants to do 24 hours of antibiotic coverage. So I think we should just irrigate and splint. Geroge: Okay. I'll take care of it. Meredith: Or I could take care of it, and you could take care of the wife's scalp. She needs lots of complex sutures. You could get lots of complex practice. George: Isn't that like a point a suture? You don't want that? Meredith: I think this is bigger than a broken hand. He provoked a bear and then drove himself to the hospital. George: Well, he-he was in shock. Meredith: And he married his rebound girl. George: What? Meredith: He married his rebound girl, after knowing her for only ten days. Nobody does that. Who does that? I'm thinking brain tumor. George: I got married on the spur of the moment, and I don't have a brain tumor. Meredith: That you know of. (pause as he considers that possiblity) George: I'll do the scalp. (he starts out the door) Meredith: You will? George: I'm gonna watch you try to turn a broken hand into a neuro problem just to get some extra points? Nope. (and gets most of the way out the door) Meredith: It's not about the points. George: (turning back to her.) I'm gonna watch you try to turn a broken hand into a neuro problem just so you have a reason to talk to Shepherd? (laughs) Nope. (and walks down the hall.) Meredith: (In the hallway calling after him.) I do not need a reason to talk to Shepherd. If I want to talk to Shepherd, I'll talk ... (she stops, realizing people in the hall are looking at her.) [SCENE_BREAK] Nurses station. Lexie walks to the desk and looks at charts. In the background, Rose is holding a huge basket of flowers and cannot see around them. She bumps into Derek. Derek: What is this? Is this a hint? I should be getting you more gifts? Rose: A grateful patient gave them to me, but since you're asking, I do like a nice box of chocolates. Derek: You're gonna die of a diabetic coma, and I don't want any part of it. Rose: Cheapskate. Derek: Crackhead. (He leaves and they are both smiling. Rose puts the flowers down on the desk. ) Rose: (to Lexie in a gossipy voice) Have you seen him? Lexie: I have. Rose: Have you seen his eyes? Lexie: I ... Yeah. (Meredith comes around a corner, stopping to write on a chart.) Rose: I'm trying to play it cool. I am playing it so, so cool. (loudly) I love him. Oh, my god. I ... don't know you. I ... didn't say that. (She flees. Lexie looks at the flowers. Then picks them up and starts to walk off with them and comes towards Meredith.) Meredith: What's with the flowers? Lexie: Uh, are you asking as a resident or a sister? Meredith: Sister. Lexie: I'm stealing stuff. Meredith: Okay. (She looks past Lexie) Lexie: Are ... you okay? Meredith: (Leaving in the same direction as Rose.) Resident again now. Stop stealing crap from the hospital. [SCENE_BREAK] Exam Room. Christina and Alex are stitching up Scott. Webber is looking at the monitors. Christina: 22. Alex: Keep a lid on it. Christina: I like to know where I am. Bailey: (entering) Ph is up to 7. 28 Webber: Yeah, not great, but it's improving. Push another amp of bicarb for a boost. Karev's only at 17. Alex: You're not helping! Bailey: (from the med cart) Did you just yell at the chief? Alex: Uh ... s-sorry, sir. Bailey: Oh, I should end this competition right now. Alex and Christina: No! Webber: Uh, uh, I-I mean, uh, it's-it's fine. (Bailey is surprised by his defense of them) I mean, actually, they're doing some nice work. She's beating the pants off of you, Karev. Alex: Don't you have an update to deliver? Christina: Well, I think Hahn can wait a couple of minutes. Bailey: Yang. Christina: Crap. (she throws down her tools and leaves.) Bailey: (to Webber) I thought you told me to keep the animals under control. Webber: Well, from time to time, I like to go to the zoo. [SCENE_BREAK] OR. Hahn and others are performing surgery. Christina enters. Christina: Dr. Hahn, Mr. Robinson is critical but stable. We had to put him on low dose levofed for his B. P , And he's put out 350 cc's from his chest tube. Hahn: All right. I'll look forward to another scintillating report in an hour. Christina: Of course. (She leaves slowly and then bolts through the scrub room) [SCENE_BREAK] Stairway. Derek and Sloan are descending. Sloan: I'm thinking we ought to have a little contest of our own. Derek: You want to live in the hospital like rodents? Sloan: Different kind of contest. You and rose, you're not exclusive, right? So I'm thinking you're not serious. One woman, 10 points. 2 women, same time, 20 points. You get out in the morning before anybody wakes up, 5 point bonus. Derek: You are serious. (He's not into the suggestion.) Sloan: You need a little spice in your life, man. I'm just trying to help. Derek: I am truly a worse human being for knowing you. [SCENE_BREAK] Otis' exam room. Nurse and Izzie are performing a spinal tab on him. Otis: Oh OWWW! Izzie: It's okay, Mr. Sharon. Otis: oh, it's not okay. It hurts. I'm alone. I'm all alone, and it hurts, and I'm not okay. I'm dying. Izzie: (with annoyed determination) By some lucky stroke of fate, you fractured your ankle and ended up at Seattle Grace Hospital with ME as a doctor. And I am gonna find out what's wrong with you, and then I'm gonna do my damnedest to fix it, and if I can't fix it, I'm gonna assemble a team of doctors that are better than me, and they're gonna do their damnedest, too. And then you know what's gonna happen? Otis: What? Izzie: You're gonna live a healthier life, and maybe even call your ex-wife because you're being given a second chance at life and this time- this time you can do it right. You're gonna feel a little pressure. Otis: OWWW Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] Scott's room. Meredith wheels in Phillip. Christina and Alex are stitching. Meredith: Chief, this is MR. Robinson's brother. Phillip: Can I talk to him? Just for a minute. (Webber nods) Phillip: Hey, man. Scott: Hey, that you, Phil? Phillip: How you feeling? Scott: I feel like A ... like a bear ate my guts out or something. You touched a cub, man. What the hell? Phillip: I wasn't thinking. I ... I'm so sorry. Meredith: So touching the cub, you knew better? Scott: Of course he knew better. He's having an early midlife crisis. He's gonna kill us all. Phillip: I'm not having a midlife crisis. Scott: Dude, dude, dude, you married your midlife crisis Phillip: Just 'cause you got eaten by a bear, you don't get to talk smack about my wife. Meredith: So was this spontaneous wedding out of character for you? (Christina sees where this is going) Christina: You know what? He needs a little rest, so let's have some quiet. (Meredith is unhappy about this, but quietly pulls back Phillip and wheels him out.) Christina: Oh, where was I? Webber: 59 Christina (to alex): You are toast. Alex: tick tock. (He's not worried at all.) Christina: Oh, shoot. (she drops her stuff and starts hurriedly around the corner. Webber: Yang, no running in the hospital. [SCENE_BREAK] ER. George is stitching Mrs. Robinson's scalp. Bailey walks through to Izzie. She sees the spinal tap kit on the desk next to her.) Bailey: Why did we do a spinal tap on an ankle fracture? Izzie: He's getting a full workup. Bailey: How many points? Izzie: What? Bailey: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not putting this man through painful and unnecessary procedures because you're trying to win a contest. Izzie: I'm doing this because my patient had dyspnea on exertion, headaches, fever, myalgia, a confluent rash intermittently over his entire body. I'm working him up for R.M.S.F and doing lyme titers, but I'm also worried about a rare autoimmune or rheumatoid disease because of his high C.R.P And sed rates, or maybe lupus. I'm doing a spinal tap, too, because he was altered and is amnestic about his fall earlier. I- I do want to win this contest, but I also want to make sure that a man does not leave this hospital with meningitis or encephalitis and discover when it's too late that all we did was treat his ankle. (Bailey looks at her, thinking.) Bailey: All right, then. Carry on. (Izzie gratefully scoops up her stuff and leaves. George walks past Bailey.) George: When you hear hoofbeats, think horses not zebras, right, Dr. Bailey? Bailey: Exactly, O'Malley. Exactly. [SCENE_BREAK] Phillip's room. Meredith is shinning a pen light into Phillip's eyes. Phillip: Something tells me you're not just worried about the damage to my hand. Meredith: Phillip, earlier today, you were squinting at your paperwork. Mrs. Robinson: I keep telling him he needs glasses. Meredith: And your handwriting was very tiny and wasn't all that legible. Is that normal for you? Phillip: Well, uh, never been a straight-a student, if that's what you mean. Mrs. Robinson: Is he d- or are we done here? We could both use some rest. Meredith: Humor me for one more second. Okay, look straight ahead. Tell me when you see my fingers. Phillip: I see them. Meredith: (jumps up with arms in the air) Tumor! (Phillip and his wife stare at her.) Sorry. Phillip: This is nice of you, really. Dreaming up some brain tumor to make me feel better about the fact that I made a bear mad. Ever cross your mind I may be just the type of guy who's dumb enough to pet a bear? Meredith: Jennifer, is he that type of guy? Jennifer: Well, don't ask me. I've only known him a few months. Meredith: Phillip, you knew better. You touched the cub anyway. That, along with your other symptoms- Phillip: what symptoms? My vision's going bad. So I get glasses, right? Meredith: But it's not just your vision. Brain tumors have been known to impede judgment, prompt spontaneity, impulsivity. (She looks at Jennifer for confirmation. But Jennifer takes it differently.) Jennifer: (sad) He married a trashy waitress, right? I mean, that's what you mean, that he married a girl like me, a rebound girl. Meredith: I'm just saying, I would like him to have an M.R.I Just to be sure. (Phillip looks at Jennifer and takes her hand.) Phillip: Well, the answer's no. Jennifer: Do the M.R.I- Phillip: Honey, I don't need- Jennifer: Phillip, do the damn M.R.I, Because you're wrong. (to Meredith.) He loves me. He loves me. [SCENE_BREAK] OR. Hahn's surger. Christina walks in and just starts talking. Christina: (rapidly) Mr. Robinson is doing better. We were able to D.C The levofed, and he's intermittently awake and lucid. His chest tube has put out 100 cc's since I last saw you, and I'll be back in an hour with another update. (she turns to leave) Hahn: Is somebody chasing you Yang? Christina: Excuse me? Hahn: What are you racing around for? Christina: Uh, uh, no reason. Hahn: No reason? Not because you're running towards the finish line of this surgical contest? Christina: Oh, that. Yes. Hahn: Are you winning? Christina; Yes. Once I finish my sutures on Mr. Robinson. Hahn: Oh, that's too bad. I was gonna let you watch me put Mrs. Witkowsky's new valve in, but if a contest is more important than a cardiac surgery, so be it. (pause. Christina is really torn. She puts on her mask properly.) Christina: (determined) I'd be happy to watch, Hahn. [SCENE_BREAK] Office. Izzie is at a desk looking at papers. George walks in. Izzie: (frustrated) Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. George: Ankle guy? Izzie: His C. S. Fls spotless, the A. B. Gls normal, the ultrasound is clear- what am I missing? What am I missing? George comes around and looks at the papers too. George: Oh. Izzie: What? George: Right there. Izzie: Where? George: See? Izzie:NO! George: Well, the fact that you're doing unnecessary medical procedures to win a contest. No! Oh, my god. The fact that you and Meredith are both doing unnecessary medical procedures to win a contest. Izzie: Meredith has a medical mystery? George: No, she doesn't. Izzie: Something is wrong. You wanna know how I know that? George: No. Izzie: Great doctors have that extra instinct, George. They just know. George: Great doctors, they know when to stop. Izzie: I have to have that instinct, George. 'Cause my instincts lately? Very bad. Really bad. They told me to go for cardio. They told me to have s*x with a married man. George: Oh? Izzie: They are not serving me well. I am in danger of going extinct here if this keeps up, and I am gonna win this contest if for no other reason than I have to win it! [SCENE_BREAK] Computer room. Meredith is at a terminal. George comes in. George: You paged me? Meredith: I thought you might like to see this. George: Is that bear attack guy? Meredith: That's bear attack guy, and that's his big ol' brain tumor. And I'm not requiring an apology, George. I'm not requiring an apology because the fact that I may have potentially saved a life today is reward enough for me. George: You're calling me in to gloat. Meredith: No. I need a favor. (she hands him the chart.) [SCENE_BREAK] Scotts Room. Webber is still tracking stitches, while Alex works. Alex: What am I at? Webber: 87. You're an underdog, aren't you, Karev? Alex:Sir? Webber: It's not that you don't have the skills. You have the skills. But you're scrappy. You're a fighter. I like that. I always root for the underdog. Alex: I'm a fighter, but, uh, I'm no underdog. Like this guy here. He-he didn't, uh, he didn't provoke that bear. His brother did it. Now he's here, fighting for his life, paying for someone else's mistakes. It doesn't make him an underdog. It just, well, makes him have to work harder to overcome the cards he got dealt. (Webber thinks about this. Monitors start to go off.) Webber: Oh, he's crashing. Hit that code button. (They scramble to stablize Scott.) Webber: We got a code blue! Code blue! [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. George and Derek are looking at Phillips' head scan. Derek: This is Meredith's patient? George: Yes. Derek: She didn't want to come to me herself? George: Hey, I'm just ... her intern. (But he won't look at derek.) [SCENE_BREAK] Scott's Room. They are performing CPR, but the monitors are flatlined. [SCENE_BREAK] Philip's room. Close up of Philip in shock. Philip: Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Jennifer: Honey, I'm so sorry. Webber: We did absolutely everything we could. The stress was just too much for his body. (Phillip starts sobbing. Meredith and Webber wait.) Webber: There's more. Meredith: The neurosurgeon is going to come in and talk to you. Jennifer: No. NO. I need to know. please. Meredith: I'm sorry. I was right about the tumor. You have something called a malignant glioma. This kind of tumor causes, uh, behavioral ... it can cause inappropriate affect. Jennifer: Can you operate? Meredith: No. It's too invasive. It's been growing a long time. I'm so sorry. (Phillip pulls himself together and looks up.) Phillip: I ... good. Good, I deserve that. I killed my brother, so I don't deserve to survive. (Jennifer is sad, and looks at Meredith. But there is nothing she can say.) [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. Meredith is leaving Phillip's room. Jennifer catches up to her. Jennifer: Um ... doctor? I'm a symptom, right? I mean, I'm ... I'm like the bear cub. I'm just a symptom of this tumor. That's what we're saying here, right? Just so I'm clear. Meredith: I don't know. I don't know that. You're the only one who could know that for sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Otis' room. Otis is resting in bed talking to Izzie. Otis: When you say "negative," do you mean as in bad or as in nonexistent? Izzie: Nothing bad came up. Otis: Well, what about all those alphabet tests you were rattling off? I mean, they were elevated or something. Izzie. Yeah. Um ... they were nonspecific. They likely indicated that you basically have a relatively minor flu. Otis: I have the flu? This whole day ... everything you put me through ... you put me through all this for the flu? Izzie: I'm sorry. I am. It just-it seemed like there was something more. It really seemed ... I know it's hard to see the silver lining here, but think of the discoveries you made today about yourself and your life and-and your ex-wife. Otis: (shouting angrily) My ex-wife was a castrating bitch! She was a castrating bitch, and I never missed her for one day since she left! Not until today! And I missed her today because if we were still together, she would've shot me dead a long time ago, and I wouldn't have had to gone through the hell you put me through! Izzie: (whispered) I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I really- Otis: You treated me like a rat! Like a rat in some perverted lab! Just give my prescription. I want to get outta here. Izzie: (sheepishly) The flu is a virus. It, um, doesn't respond to antibiotics. I suggest plenty of fluids and rest. Otis: Fluids and rest? Fluids and rest? Izzie: I'm sorry. Otis: Fluids and freakin' rest! Izzie: (fleeing) I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway outside Webber's Office. Bailey is talking with him. Meredith, Izzie, and Alex are standing outside the door waiting. Christina runs up and joins them. Alex: What are you doing here? You spent the last three hours watching a surgery. That's 3 points. Christina: I'm trusting you guys screwed up enough that it won't matter. Izzie: (agitated) I could still win. I could. I did get a lot of points today. Alex: What's the matter with you? Where's the trash talk, Charles Barkley? Christina: She knows I'm the best. (They rush over to Bailey with Tuck who is exiting.) Christina: Who won? Bailey: (drawing it out.) Congratulaaaations ... Christina: Who won?! Bailey: Grey. The guy from the bear attack had a brain tumor, and Grey caught it. 80 points for solving a medical mystery. That's what put her over the top. Christina: I could've found a tumor. Bailey: But you didn't. You chose to scrub in with Hahn and watch for 3 little points. Now congratulate Grey. Izzie/Alex/Christina: (dejectedly) Congratulations. (Meredith turns to leave.) Bailey: Hey, don't you want your prize? (she holds out a very sparkley, red and white striped object.) Izzie: A shiny pager. Bailey: A sparkle pager. Christina: What's so great about a glitter pager? Bailey: A SPARKLE pager. It is special. It is surgery's holy grail. It's been passed down from resident to resident, and now it belongs to Dr. Grey. For the next three months, whenever you all get a surgery, you have to page this pager, and if Grey wants your surgery, she has the right to take it from you. Alex: Come on. Christina: What? Bailey: Enjoy the power, Grey. (turning back to the rest) Now may I recommend you all go home? You smell, you greasy, you need to bathe, and I'm sick of looking at you. Even my 1 year old here is sick of looking at you. Isn't that right, bug? Sick of looking at your little, ugly faces. Meredith: Somehow I thought I would enjoy this more. Izzie: Oh, well, give it to me. I'll enjoy it. Alex: Don't give it to her. Give it to me. Christina: Oh, shut up. It's hers. She's the winner. She's not gonna give it to you. Give it to me. (Meredith walks off with it thinking.) Christina: (in the background to Izzie) Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? [SCENE_BREAK] Elevator. Sloan and Derek are silent. Derek is fiddling with his phone. Sloan: I don't like her. I'm sorry, but as your friend, it's my job to say it. I don't like Rose. Derek: Why? Sloan: You're not even sleeping with her. Derek: (surprised)You don't like her because she's not sleeping with me? That's a little weird. Sloan: It's not weird. Derek: It's a little weird. Sloan: Hey, if you were sleeping with rose, I could understand why you're spending time with her, but you're not. And it's-it's just, uh, I thought that, uh, you know ... I thought it was just gonna be you and me. Derek: Having s*x? Sloan: After! After Addison, after Meredith. I have been patient. I have waited while you partnered up with these chicks, but now they're over, and it's supposed to be just us, you and me, two guys on the prowl, on the hunt. Derek: You're having trouble getting laid, and you need my help. Sloan: I can get laid. - Derek: Mm-hmm. Sloan: I can get laid whenever I want. Derek: uh- Huh. Sloan: I do get laid whenever I want. Derek: Uh huh Sloan: That's the point. Women are everywhere. (pause) I only have one person I can talk to. Derek: (sarcastic) That's sweet. Sloan: Shut up Derek: No, it's really warm and fuzzy, very sweet. Sloan: Shut up. Are you serious about this woman? Derek: I don't know. Could be. (pause) Sloan: All right. I'll give her a chance. (the elevator dings and opens.) Derek: Good boy (He steps off, leaving Sloan.) Sloan: You're pathetic, and I'm a lesser man for knowing you. Derek: That's my line. You can't use my line. [SCENE_BREAK] Office. Izzie at a desk by herself. Webber walks in. Webber: Thought you were off duty an hour ago. Izzie: I'm just catching up on some paperwork. Webber: Piled up on you during the contest, I guess. Izzie: You know about that? Webber: I know about otis Sharon and the $120, 000 worth of unnecessary tests you ordered. Izzie: Yeah. Well ... I lost. And I put a man through hell for no reason at all. I was a bad doctor today with bad instincts, and I deserved to lose. I don't know why I even bothered competing in the stupid contest. Webber: So I don't need to yell? Izzie: You should. You can. But you don't need to. Webber: Good. (He turns to leave. And then turns back.) Stevens. Izzie: Yes, sir? Webber: My year ... I lost by 2 points. Izzie: You- Webber: you didn't invent the contest. The contest is a lion fight. So chin up, put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don't lick your wounds. Celebrate them. The scars you bear are the sign of a competitor. You were in a lion fight, Stevens. Just because you didn't win doesn't mean you don't know how to roar. (pause) Good night. Izzie: Good night, sir. MVO: There's a little animal in all of us, and maybe that's something to celebrate. [SCENE_BREAK] Christina unlocks her apartment door and walks in. Hahn is sitting in a chair talking with Callie over wine and cheese. MVO: Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with. Christina: (recovering from surprise) Hi, um Hello, Dr. Hahn. Callie: I hope it's okay I invited somebody over. Christina: (reassuringly) Oh, no, it's fine. It's, uh ... it's an honor to have you here, Dr. Hahn. Hahn: Okay. (to Callie) I have to tell you ... you won't believe it. Callie: Yes Christina: (at a loss) I ... . Was just going in there. (she turns and leaves, but comes back to watch. ) MVO: we may feel caged ... Callie: (in background) are you kidding me? (Callie and Hahn are having a great time.) [SCENE_BREAK] George enters his apartment. He stops and looks around. MVO: We may feel trapped ... but still, as humans, we can find ways to feel free. Lexie: Be-before you say anything, before you say a word, just-just hear me out. I know it's not much, and I- I-I know it's all stolen. I- it's all stolen and- and-and hospitaly and stolen. (There are exam room curtains over the windows, stolen art and a Scrub Room sign, the flowers, the bedcloths, and sheets covering the furniture, and pillows on the couch. It is swept and tidied, though the fridge, sink, and walls are still horrid.) Lexie: You can turn me in if you want to. You can report me for stealing, 'cause obviously, now I'm a thief. I've never even shoplifted a piece of gum before, and now I'm a thief, except I'm-I'm not. I'm a nester. I'm-I'm nesting. This is me nesting ... for you. Because you hate it here. You want to be at that big house with Meredith and Izzie where things are warm and you have your friends and-and there aren't any roaches. But this can be warm, and I put out traps for the roaches. And-and I ... I can be your friend. No, I-I ... I can be your friend. I d-don't- I don't have any friends here, not-not really, except you. And-and I don't have a home to go to anymore, ex-except here. I just-I ... I can be your friend. George: I complain a lot, don't I? Lexie: I- it's ... okay. George: No. No. You know what? I'm gonna stop. I'm just-m just gonna stop right now. I'm gonna focus on what's good, you know, like, uh, like this crapartment, like this apartment. (The sit on the couch together. She is relieved. He is thinking.) MVO: We are each other's keepers. Goerge: Wish you'd have stolen a tv. Lexie: I tried. They're bolted to the walls. George: Still. [SCENE_BREAK] MVO: We are the guardians of our own humanity. Dark Office with Meredith. Books are open on a desk and she is studying the screen. Her pager lights up. She turns it off. [SCENE_BREAK] Next morning. Derek and Rose exit the elevator and kiss each other good bye. She walks off. Derek: I'll see you. (he looks around and sees Meredith at the Nurses station. He walks to her.) MVO: And even though there's a beast inside all of us ... Derek: Hi. Meredith: I think I found a way to save lives. I don't know for sure, but I think, uh, we can save people who have the kind of tumors that Mr. Robinson has. Derek: Mr. Robinson-the man who was mauled by the-the bear. Meredith: I did all this research, and I found this. It's rare, and it's still untested in humans, but I could find patients for a clinical trial, and I could do the lab work, and I could track the results. But I do need a neurosurgeon, and you're one of the best. It's not about us. I would go somewhere else if I could. But ... I don't know. I think I found a way to save lives. (She pushes the papers towards him. He picks up the first page.) MVO: What sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream and love. And against all odds ... against all instinct ... [SCENE_BREAK] Therapist's room. Pan from Therapist to Meredith wringing her hands on the couch. Meredith: Okay. I think I better start talking now. MVO: We evolve.

Six weeks have passed since Derek started dating Rose, and the new residents are competing in a surgical contest. Meredith wins, giving her the power to take the other residents' surgeries. Izzie treats a man with a swollen ankle who collapsed, as she believes that he has a mystery illness. The doctors treat a family who were all victims of a bear attack. Meredith thinks that one of the victims might be suffering from a neurological disorder, but she is brushed off by others who think she's just trying to get an opportunity to be with Derek. George and Lexie have moved into their new apartment and Lexie begins stealing stuff from the hospital to furnish it. Callie and Erica continue their friendship. Meredith suggests a neurological clinical trial.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_09x05

fd_One_Tree_Hill_09x05_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] NATHAN: I'm sorry for what happened to your diner. All right, and I appreciate the way you've been with my wife and my family, but when I come back, you need to be gone. CHRIS: Well, well. NATHAN: Chris Keller. What are you doing here? CHRIS: I run red bedroom records. HALEY: I was wondering if you could remove the slanderous sign that's hanging outside of your building. HALEY: Are you sure it's not too juvenile? BROOKE: No. If they're not gonna play nice, then neither are we. TARA: You two have 30 seconds to get off my property, or I'm calling the cops. CLAY: A lot of people sleepwalk. QUINN: They don't get dressed, grab their phone, and go sleep in a park. You said you wanted to close your eyes to me and that you wanted to live your life with me. CLAY: I'm gonna get help. QUINN: It's gonna happen. TARA: I left my number in your phone. It's under "N" for "not Alex." CHRIS: Well, how's Chris Keller's lady doing? NATHAN: Look what daddy got you, Lydia... Mirna Moose. HALEY: Just calling to make sure everything's okay. Just call me when you get this, okay? BROOKE: What happened? JULIAN: I forgot. I just... Forgot. It was at least 101 when I left Davis. I can't forgive myself for this. I can't forgive myself for being so careless. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley tries to get in touch with Nathan. HALEY (at phone): Hi, Nathan. I'm, uh, really sorry to leave you like 20 messages, babe, but I'm... I'm starting to get worried, and, uh, hopefully you took a later flight and you're in the air right now, but please just call me as soon you get this, okay? Okay, I love you. Bye. (She hangs up. Dan enters in the room) DAN: Good morning, Haley. HALEY: Oh, good morning. DAN: Everything okay? HALEY: Actually, would you mind watching the kids today? DAN: I have to be away from the house for a while today. I'm sorry. HALEY: Okay. DAN: You're sure everything's okay? HALEY: Things are fine. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke comes in the kitchen. Julian is still here, sad. BROOKE: Babe, something's up with Haley. I got to run to the caf to cover for her. I think she's just trying to avoid that Tree Hill caf bitch. Can you believe they had the nerve to put up a murderer banner? I mean, who does that? Julian, are you okay? JULIAN: The police station called. They're not gonna press charges against me. BROOKE: That's great, but of course they're not. Hey. We need to move past this, too. Davis is fine. So, can you drop the kids at the sitter for me on your way to work today? Do you need me to tell you that I think you're an incredible dad and I love you? I do. Both. We're gonna be fine. I trust you, okay? You just...you need to learn to trust yourself. CHASE'S LOFT Chase wakes up and finds out Chuck is here. Tara too. CHUCK: Naughty, naughty. TARA: Who is that? ADAM: Chuck, say hello to Tara. CHUCK: Did you have a sleepover? TARA: Sort of. CHASE: How did you get in here? CHUCK: Took Alex's key. She didn't want it. CHASE: What are you doing here? CHUCK: Just came by to tell you I can't go to the movies 'cause my dad's coming home today. TARA: Ohh. Don't look so sad. You can take me to the movies. Or, better yet, we can stay home and make our own movie. CHASE: His dad? DOCTOR'S OFFICE Clay is in seance with his doc. DOCTOR: How'd you sleep last night? CLAY: Not great. I already miss my bed. And Quinn. But at least I woke up in the same bed, so... Maybe I'm good. DOCTOR: I don't think you're good just yet. Clay, you have what's called a dissociative fugue disorder. CLAY: A fugue disorder? DOCTOR: In short, you temporarily become someone else. People can function normally. They walk, drive, even have a conversation, but when they come to, they can't remember anything. CLAY: Why? I mean, why me? Why now? DOCTOR: Sometimes a traumatic incident can trigger the mind's circuit breaker, causing the lights to go out. Now, my guess is that at some point in your life, you repressed something in order to cope, and now that truth is trying to resurface. CLAY: So I'm like Jason Bourne, except I wake up on merry-go-rounds? DOCTOR: Yeah, without all the shooting and chasing. Well, a little shooting and chasing. CLAY: So what do I do now? DOCTOR: We dig a little bit. I help you discover that missing information. Once we figure out what it is, the wandering should stop. CLAY: That sounds really, uh, not fun. But, see, here's the thing, doc. Whatever it is I repressed...I-if I repressed it...I don't want to know what it is. So, I think I'm gonna go. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to waste your time. DOCTOR: I'm afraid you can't leave, Clay. You checked yourself in, so now we're responsible for you for at least the next 24 hours. It's just one day. Maybe it'll make a difference. JULIAN'S CAR Julian puts babies in the car. JULIAN: Okay, boys. Here we go. NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn enters in the house. Haley is busing. QUINN: Hey. HALEY: Hey, Quinny. Thanks for coming over. QUINN: What happened? HALEY: Um, Nathan never made it home last night. QUINN: Oh, I mean, I'm sure everything's fine. He probably just missed his flight. No, it's not like him. HALEY: If something had changed, he would have called me by now. QUINN: Well, I mean, maybe he lost his cell phone. HALEY: He knows my number. I don't know... I just think I should call the police. I'd rather be safe than sorry. QUINN: Yeah, of course. I... (Jamie comes in) JAMIE: Is dad home yet? QUINN: Hey, bud. Um, your dad's delayed just a little bit, but, uh, he'll be home soon. And until then, you and Lydia are hanging out with me today. Come on. Let's go get her. (Haley tries again to call Nathan) LOCAL The Haley's call ring in a local. A man takes the phone and throws it in the wall. RED BEDROOM RECORD Chuck comes with Chase to tell some thing to Chris. CHRIS: It's like printing my own money. CHUCK: Hi. CHHRIS: What up, kid Keller? Ha. CHASE: Chuck, just ask him. CHRIS: That's okay. I got it. You're using pomade instead of gel. You got to mix the two. CHUCK: Will you come meet my dad tonight? CHRIS: Sure. You know what? Tell him to bring his Chris Keller CD collection, 'cause for kid Keller, I'll even sign autographs. CHUCK: This is gonna be the best night ever. My two favorite people in the same place. Awesome. CHASE: Don't you have three favorite people? CHUCK: Oh. Right. My mom's gonna be there, too. (Tara comes in too) TARA: There's my baby. CHRIS: Hey-hey! Hey. Mm. Mm. ADAM: Okay, here we go. Let's go. Got to go! CHRIS: That's weird. No wonder chicks don't dig that guy. DOCTOR'S OFFICE Clay is always in therapist. CLAY: So, let me get this straight. We're just gonna talk and talk until we uncover some horrible past? DOCTOR: Doesn't have to be horrible. CLAY: Can't you just give me pills or shock therapy or something? DOCTOR: You know, most people would prefer talking over getting shocked, but I might be able to get my hands on a taser gun. Talking is the treatment, Clay. CLAY: I-I just don't see how it will help when I'm supposedly hiding what we need to talk about. DOCTOR: We'll get there. Talk to me about Sara. CLAY: Yeah, 'cause that's not horrible. She died. DOCTOR: Would you prefer to talk about the painkillers, then? CLAY: I guess I bought some. DOCTOR: You guess? CLAY: Yeah, I don't remember, so I guess. DOCTOR: Okay, what's the last thing you do remember? CLAY: I remember you telling me that this was gonna help. DOCTOR: I'll get the taser. KAREN'S CAFE Millicent is in the cafe and she wants a latte. Brooke doesn't know how use the machine. MILLICENT: Can I get a vanilla latte? BROOKE: Sure! MILLICENT: This is kind of weird...you getting me a latte. BROOKE: Coffee is the new latte. MILLICENT: Do you know how to use that machine? BROOKE: Millie, I am part owner of this cafe. If I wanted to... Do the... Thingy and make the milk all Fluffy-like, I would. MILLICENT: Coffee sounds perfect. BROOKE: Thanks. MILLICENT: Do you have any pistachio muffins? Tara comes in the cafe and she has a plant. TARA: We do. Right next door. Yummy. BROOKE: You have to go. You are not welcome here. TARA: Okay. I put up a banner. You put up a banner. I don't know what got into me. And as you know, Brooke Davis, opening and maintaining a successful business can be very stressful. BROOKE: What is that? TARA: It's a face-to-face friend request. I hope you'll accept. Great. BROOKE: Seriously? I wish there was a face-to-face block feature. Ugh. TRIC Chuck and Chase drink some beer. CHASE: I think we need to talk. CHUCK: I know. First Alex leaves town. Now Tara leaves you for Chris Keller? CHASE: Well, the thing is, Tara didn't leave me. CHUCK: Chase, you need to face the fact that your girlfriend's with Chris Keller now. Can't really blame her. Chris Keller is Chris Keller. CHASE: You're right. CHUCK: Unless... are you dating Chris Keller's girlfriend? CHASE: I'm not sure I'd call it dating. CHUCK: But you must not have known it was Chris Keller's girlfriend, right? CHASE: Well, not at first. CHUCK: Chuck Skolnick has never been more disappointed in you. NALEY'S HOUSE Chris comes in to show the new album song. Haley is ready to go somewhere. HALEY: Yeah, come on in! CHRIS: Hey! Huh? HALEY: I really don't have time for this right now. Ugh. CHRIS: Whoa. Chris Keller's insulted by your lack of enthusiasm. HALEY: Listen to me. Nathan never came home last night. I have been on the phone all morning. The airport won't give me any information. Nobody will help me... CHRIS: Okay, I'll help you. I know some people at the airport. I slept with a stewardess once. HALEY: Goodbye, Chris. CHRIS: Okay, "flight attendant." Haley! Come on. Let me help. Where you going? HALEY: I'm going to the police. CHRIS: Okay, good. I slept with a cop once, too. Let's go! HOSPITAL/KAREN'S CAFE Brooke calls Julian. JULIAN(at phone): Hey. BROOKE(at phone): Hey. I just got off the phone with the sitter. She said you're running late. Everything okay? JULIAN(at phone): No, yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to spend some more time with the kids. BROOKE(at phone): Oh. Great. That's great. I'll let you get back to them, then. JULIAN(at phone): Okay. Bye, babe. Love you. BROOKE(at phone): I love you, too. Bye. HOSPITAL'S ROOM Julian sees a doctor to know Davis is okay. JULIAN: You can just say it if you want. DOCTOR: I'm not following. JULIAN: You think I'm a horrible dad. DOCTOR: I have seen horrible dads, and you are not one of them. But you are a lucky dad. You should be counting your blessings. JULIAN: Is he okay? DOCTOR: Julian, he's fine. Nothing's changed. Davis is still completely healthy. But I am a little concerned about you. JULIAN: Are you sure he's okay? Because I read online that some symptoms can take a few days to surface. DOCTOR: If you want my professional opinion... You should get this filled immediately. That's one day of rest and relaxation for you. NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn is in the swimming pool with Lydia. Jamie joins them. QUINN: Jamie, come play "Marco polo" with us. Lydia keeps cheating. She won't keep her eyes closed. JAMIE: Maybe later. QUINN: Fine. What's on your mind, little man? JAMIE: Clay. You know, aunt Quinn, it's not his fault when he wanders. QUINN: I know. JAMIE: Here. You should keep my silver dollar on you till Clay gets better. QUINN: Thanks. Is it for good luck? JAMIE: More your luck than his. It's silver. Just trust me on this one. QUINN: Jamie, Clay is not a werewolf. JAMIE: But there's supposed to be a full moon tonight. QUINN: Jamie... JAMIE: You don't have to be afraid. Not all werewolves are bad. Professor Lupin, one of Harry Potter's best teachers. QUINN: Okay, if I promise to keep it on me, will you come play "Marco polo" with us? JAMIE: Deal. But you're Marco. QUINN: Come on. KAREN'S CAFE Millicent explains to Brooke how making a latte with the machine. MILLICENT: So, you just grind the beans, then pack them in the portafilter. Look at that perfect crema. BROOKE: Crema? MILLICENT: The lighter-colored top layer. It's the mark of a great espresso. BROOKE: Oh. MILLICENT: Then, you aerate the milk until you get the consistency you want. BROOKE: I'm sorry. What language are you speaking, and how do you know how to do this? MILLICENT: We did a segment on "mouth and Millie in the morning." You said you watch. BROOKE: I do. But I'm the mother of twins, and sometimes they put on their own morning show. I did catch a clip on YouTube recently. MILLICENT: Let me guess...the one where I call Marvin fat on live television. BROOKE: I think it was more like, "fat. Fat, fat, fat, fat." That's a bold move, Millie. MILLICENT: It was a mean move, and I wish I could take it back. But at least he's eating healthier now. BROOKE: So there's an upside. You are a genius! Hey, is there any way that I could get you guys to do a story on getting rid of Tree Hill cafe bitches? MILLICENT: I'll see what I can do. I can't believe she hung up that banner. Who does that? BROOKE: That's what I said! She's such a little... MILLICENT: Cockroach! BROOKE: Exactly. Hard to get rid of. MILLICENT: Oh, dear! BROOKE: Oh! Please tell me that that did not just really happen. MILLICENT: Okay. Then that's not really happening, either. BROOKE: Sick. TARA'S CAFE Tara talks with the waitress. Chase comes in. TARA: I really don't see what your wedding has to do with me, so why don't you slap a smile on your face and get back to work before I have to find a new server. CHASE: Hey. Hey. I need to talk to you. TARA: Well, great. I'll come by later. I like to talk after s*x. CHASE: That's... Just it. There's not gonna be any more of that. I'm setting a bad example for Chuck, and he really looks up to me, so... TARA: I think it's sexy when you try to be noble. Brooke and Millicent saw the last scene. BROOKE: First of all, ew. Second, you copy my cafe and now chase? Obsessed with my sloppy seconds much? You can have your cockroach-infested plant back. TARA: What? This is the thanks I get for giving you a gift? It was perfectly fine when I dropped it off. Oh, my God. The roaches must have come from Karen's cafe. BROOKE: Okay! CHASE: Okay, there must be a reasonable explanation for this. Maybe this is all just a misunderstanding. BROOKE: You are dead to me. And you... I know your type. I used to be a bit of a bitch just for the sake of being one, but now I am a bitch for the sake of my friends and family. You do not want to test that. MILLICENT: Look up "bitch," and you'll see Brooke. BROOKE: Just try me. CHASE: See you, Brooke. BROOKE: Dead! TARA: Bye. DOCTOR'S OFFICE Clay doesn't want to talk with the doc. He looks at the window. DOCTOR: Clay, you wouldn't have come here if you didn't want to get better. What are you afraid of? CLAY: Why is there a kid here? DOCTOR: Uh, that's Logan. He lost his parents. He, uh, stays with us sometimes.We try to help him. CLAY: How long's he been coming? DOCTOR: Most of his life. CLAY: Well, I don't have most of my life, doc. I have a business to run. DOCTOR: If you don't try, you'll continue to be at war with yourself. The fugues will get worse, last longer, put you in more danger. CLAY: Okay, I get that. Now try to understand this. There was a time in my life when I thought I was never getting out of that chasm... just that depression that had become my life after I lost Sara. But I did. I climbed out of it... One day at a time. I worked. I built a company. I fell in love again. DOCTOR: You must miss her. CLAY: There is nothing there, doc. The only thing that is different between the place I was in and the fugue states is that I remember everything about that time, and I'm not going back to that. DOCTOR: Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and I'm sorry about that, Clay, but you are not out of that darkness yet. You're just running from it. All right, look. You know what? Go for a walk. Try to relax. We'll talk later. CLAY: Yeah. DOCTOR: But, Clay... You got to stop running sometime. You deserve to have a normal life. POLICE'S STATION Haley and Chris arrive. HALEY: Excuse me. Um, hi. I just need to talk to someone about my husband. He's, um, Nathan Scott, and... He's missing. POLICEMAN: How long's he been missing? HALEY: Well, he was supposed to come home last night at 9:00, and he... POLICEMAN: We can't file a report till 24 hours have passed. CHRIS: Whoa, whoa. That's it? POLICEMAN: 24 hours. CHRIS: Did you see "training day"? You know Denzel was the bad guy in that movie. HALEY: Chris, don't. You're gonna make it worse. POLICEMAN: I don't like your tone. CHRIS: I don't like lazy cops. HALEY: I'm sorry. POLICEMAN: Look, peacock, we have rules for a reason. Men leave their wives every day, especially professional athletes. CHRIS: Oh, okay, so... You don't even know me. Hey, no, now we're making generalizations. So, you're the jackass in high school who now gets to harass people and carry a gun. Give us a minute. HALEY: Okay. CHRIS: All right, look, buddy. I know this woman. She wouldn't be here if there wasn't a problem. Nathan Scott's a good guy...a great father, a responsible husband. Come on, man. Even if he wasn't, would you leave her? Something's wrong here, I promise. Now, she just needs someone to make her feel better, make her feel like everything's gonna be okay. POLICEMAN: Mrs. Scott? I'll do what I can do, okay? HOSPITAL CENTRE Clay joins Logan who looks at the sky. CLAY: Whatcha looking at? LOGAN: Lost my plane on the roof. CLAY: Ohh, that sucks. What kind of plane is it? LOGAN: You wouldn't know. An edf jet. CLAY: Yeah, you're right. I mean, what would I know about a plane that flies on an electric ducted fan or know about maneuvers like cobras or dizzying flat spins? I used to build model planes with my dad. LOGAN: You can do a cobra? CLAY: Maybe. I don't know. My planes never left the ground. LOGAN: What? Flying's the best part! CLAY: Yeah, I just didn't want to crash. LOGAN: Crashing's the second best part. Do you still make them? CLAY: Uh, no. Not since my dad passed away. LOGAN: Is that why you're staying here? CLAY: No, I'm actually not staying. I'm leaving tonight. LOGAN: I can't believe you never tried to fly. NALEY'S HOUSE Jamie plays in the swimming. Quinn sees him. JAMIE: Cannibal! QUINN: Did you say "cannibal"? JAMIE: Yeah. QUINN: It's "cannonball," not "cannibal." JAMIE: Fine. Cannonball! (Dan comes in) JAMIE: Grandpa Dan, jump in. DAN: Don't tempt me. (To Quinn) So, how's that boyfriend of yours? QUINN: You know, you didn't need to try and drown Clay. DAN: It worked last time. Where is he? QUINN: He's getting help. DAN: Sounds like it worked again. So, how you doing? QUINN: Well, I don't need my head drowned in a pool, if that's what you're asking. I'll be fine when I know Clay's fine. DAN: So you still believe in him? QUINN: Yeah. Then you'll both be okay. JAMIE: Cannonball! TRIC Chase cut some food. Chris comes in. CHRIS: You know why I'm here, right? CHASE: No. What's up? CHRIS: 'Cause I want a drink! What, do you think I'm here to look at your pretty face? CHASE: No, I-I just... CHRIS: Just toss me a beer. I got a bunch of work to do tonight. CHASE: I thought you were gonna swing by and see Chuck later. CHRIS: Who? Oh, kid Keller. I don't know. It's been kind of a crazy day. CHASE: Look, for whatever reason, he thinks you're a good guy. Crazy day or not, don't be a jerk to him. His life's been tough. CHRIS: I heard that when the bartender gives you a tip, you don't have to tip the bartender. Sorry! Thanks, bud. KAREN'S CAFE Julian enters in the cafe to see Brooke. BROOKE: Hey, handsome stranger. Name your poison. JULIAN: Can I get a chai latte? BROOKE: No problem. Wait. Did you say chai? JULIAN: Yeah. Chai is so yesterday. Coffee is the new chai. It was sweet that you spent the morning with the boys. Where'd you go? JULIAN: I took them to the hospital. BROOKE: What happened? Are they okay? JULIAN: The boys are fine, but the doctor thinks I need to take the day off. Don't do that. BROOKE: What? JULIAN: Don't give me that look. The doctor gave me the same kind of sympathetic look. So did the babysitter. I'm tired of people giving me the benefit of the doubt. BROOKE: No one needs to give you the benefit of the doubt. It was a genuine mistake. It was my mistake, too. I knew you were overwhelmed and preoccupied with the stage. You were in a hurry. You were sleep-deprived. I should have seen that. The doctor's right. You just need to take your mind off of it. We both do. Why don't you go see a movie? You need it. AIRPORT Haley comes to airport to have information on Nathan. HOSTESS: There you go. Have a nice flight. HALEY: Hi, I was wondering if you could help me. I really need to know if my husband, Nathan Scott, was on flight 2326 last night. HOSTESS: Okay. Well, I can tell you the flight did arrive in Tree Hill on time last night, but I'm not allowed to disclose any personal information about passengers... I'm sorry. HALEY: I'm his wife. It's okay. HOSTESS: No, I'm sorry. It's protocol. Anything else I can help you with? HALEY: No. Thanks. HOSTESS: Miss. Look, I'm sure everything is just fine. You know, I bet he just... he missed his flight. HALEY: You know, if one more person tells me that, I'm gonna lose my mind. Can you imagine how you'd feel if your husband was missing and no one would help you find him? HOSTESS: Okay. You didn't hear this from me. HALEY: Thank you so much. HOSTESS: Okay, it looks like Nathan Scott was on flight 2326 last night. (Haley goes outside and finds Mirna Moose on the floor) CHUCK'S HOUSE Chase passes to see Chuck. CHASE: Keller said he was sorry. He got held up. Told me to swing by and check on you. CHUCK: I knew Keller wouldn't leave me hanging. CHASE: I can meet your dad if you want. CHUCK: Of course. That's a given. CHASE: But you didn't ask me. CHUCK: Didn't think I had to. CHASE: Is he... is he here yet? CHUCK: No, not yet. Must be running late. Sometimes he's late. CHASE: Then we have time to shoot some hoops. Think fast. KAREN'S CAFE Julian goes outside and finds a note in his car. He go back in the cafe to shows it to Brooke. JULIAN: Someone put this on my car. BROOKE: Julian. JULIAN: Why did it take a stranger to tell me the truth that I deserve to be punished. BROOKE: Julian... HOSPITAL CENTRE Quinn visits Clay with Jamie and Lydia. CLAY: Look out, world! It's another James girl! Boy, oh, boy, between your mommy's good looks and your daddy's athleticism, you are going to be unstoppable. QUINN: Hey, speaking of, have you heard from Nathan? CLAY: No, why? QUINN: Oh, he, uh, he didn't make it home last night. CLAY: Well, I'm sure he's fine. He always changes flights. He's probably just in the air and can't call. QUINN: So, what can I do for you? Want me to bring you some more stuff from home? CLAY: You know, honestly, I'm thinking about leaving. I'm just not sure that Dr. Alvarez is the right doctor for me. QUINN: Why? What happened? CLAY: He thinks that I'm hiding some big secret from myself and that's what's making me wander. He diagnosed me with a fugue disorder. QUINN: Can it be treated? CLAY: Yeah, I guess most people stop wandering once they've come to terms with whatever triggered it. QUINN: I mean, if you have a diagnosis and a possible cure, why would you want to leave? CLAY: I... What could possibly be bad enough to make my brain shut down? I guess I'm just afraid of what that missing information might be. And I'm afraid of burdening you with more of my struggle. QUINN: It's because you're afraid that you need to stay. JAMIE: You should probably have them reinforce the windows with bars or something. Full moon's a-comin'. QUINN: Get over here. Right now. Give me this coin. You ready? JAMIE: No. QUINN: Well, at least we know you're not a werewolf. JAMIE: Too bad. QUINN: We'll be okay. CHUCK'S HOUSE Chuck and Chase plays basketball until Chuck'dad comes in. CHUCK: Mm. Take that. H-o-r-s. "Horse." I win. CHASE: Uh, "horse" has an "E" in it, Chuck. CHUCK: Yeah. Yeah, I know. I was just joking. CHASE: Mm-hmm. All right, then. Your shot. CHUCK: All right. You know, it's not a big deal if my dad doesn't show. I mean, I'm having fun hanging out with you. CHASE: Thanks, buddy. Maybe we should do something really cool tomorrow. You can decide... anything you want. CHUCK: Really? Anything? CHASE: You name it. Is there something you've always wanted... (Chuck's dad comes in) CHUCK: Dad! CHUCK'S DAD: Hey, hey, hey, buddy! Whoa, look at you! Look at you. How you doing? CHUCK: I'm good. Dad, this is chase. CHUCK'S DAD: You the sitter or something? You want some money? CHASE: Uh, not exactly. I'm... CHUCK'S DAD: Well, his mom will have to pay you later. All right, I got it from here. Thanks. Let's go inside. Look at how big you've gotten! My God. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley is sitting on the couch and is thinking. FLASHBACK, JAMIE'S BEDROOM Haley puts Jamie in his bed. JAMIE: Mom? HALEY: Yes? JAMIE: Does grandpa Dan really have to leave when dad gets home? HALEY: Yeah, honey, I'm afraid he does. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley understands and goes upstairs to seeks Dan's stuff. She finds a Lydia's picture and Jamie's baseball. Dan comes in. DAN: Can I help you with something? HALEY: I thought you said you lost everything in the fire. HOSPITAL CENTRE Clay comes to Logan's room to give him the plan. CLAY: Hey. LOGAN: Thought you were leaving. CLAY: Nah, it looks like I'll be staying a while. I got you something. LOGAN: You got it! Thanks. CLAY: Yeah. I'm Clay. LOGAN: Logan. CLAY: Like Wolverine. He's my favorite superhero of all time. LOGAN: Who? CLAY: You don't know Wolverine? Come on, dude. He's awesome. All right, well, I got to get going, but, um, maybe tomorrow, we can fly that thing? LOGAN: You're not afraid anymore? CLAY: No, I'm still a little bit afraid, but I'm working on it. RED BEDROOM RECORDS Chris takes pictures of Tara who plays. CHRIS: Boom! There it is! All right, now let me show you how to play. Probably easiest if you sit on my lap. You see what it's like to be old Chris Keller in his element. Mm. (Chase comes in) CHASE: Is this the work that made you bail on Chuck? CHRIS: Look, sorry, man. I had to take care of Chris Keller tonight. Besides, he's hanging with his dad. He doesn't need a babysitter. CHASE: You musicians are all the same. You know that? You just bulldoze through town, making empty promises, and you don't care who you hurt along the way. CHRIS: Dude, hey, lighten up, man. Why don't you call, uh, "not Alex." CHASE: I already talked to her. She's coming over tonight. CLINN'S HOUSE Jamie and Quinn are going to watch movie. QUINN: So, here's some popcorn. We'll watch a scary movie, and it'll be Lydia's first sleepover. JAMIE: And in the morning, dad will be home. We should call your mom and say goodnight first. VOICEMAIL: Hey, it's Haley. Leave me a message. QUINN(at phone): Hey, hales. Jamie's just going to sleep. He just wanted to say good night. JAMIE(at phone): Hi, mom. Thanks for letting me stay at aunt Quinn's tonight. We had so much fun that...(Yawns dramatically ] I'm gonna fall right to sleep. Love you! QUINN(at phone): Hey, hales, um so I talked to Clay, but, uh... He hasn't heard from Nathan, so... Call me back. I'm, uh, I'm worried about you. (She hangs up) QUINN: The fake yawn was a bit much. JAMIE: You think? KAREN'S CAFE Brooke understands Tara write the note to Julian. BAR Julian looks his babies' pictures. Men laugh. MAN: What, you got a problem? Huh? JULIAN: Yeah, I do. (They start to fight) TARA'S CAFE Brooke enters in the cafe, she is upset. BROOKE: Hi. I need to speak with the owner, please. WAITRESS: Sorry, Tara's out for the night. BROOKE: Could you give her a message for me? WAITRESS: Sure. BROOKE: Great. (She puts the mess in the cafe) STREET Julian is fighting by the man of the bar. JULIAN: Is that all you got? Ohh! Ohh! That's more like it. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley wants explications of Dan. HALEY: Well? Answer the question, Dan. You said you lost everything in the fire, so why do you have this? And all that money... why do you have that? Was it not an accident? Did you start the fire yourself? Oh, my God. You did! You started the fire! I trusted you. I let you into my home. I defended you, and you lied to me, and you took advantage of me! And the doors... the doors here and at the caf . Was that you, too? DAN: Haley, will you let me explain? HALEY: What else are you lying about, Dan? Where is Nathan? What did you do to him? DAN: What? Nathan's missing? HALEY: Don't play games with me. You knew the second he got home that you were gonna have to leave, so you made sure that he never got home! DAN: Haley, what are you... HALEY: Where is my husband?! Where is Nathan?! DAN: Haley, will you calm down?! Please, let me explain! Please, just let me explain, okay? You're right. Nathan gave me the baseball and the picture, and I sensed a thaw. At least an opportunity for one. I had to act. I tried to get close to Jamie and Lydia while Nathan was still vulnerable. But I didn't know anything about Nathan missing until just now. I promise. I was just a desperate man trying to get close to my family. Please. You understand, don't you? HALEY: I'm sorry. I do understand. I'm out of my mind right now. Of course you didn't do anything to your son. I'm just so worried about him. DAN: You need to relax. If Nathan didn't come home, there's a perfectly good explanation for it. HALEY: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I mean, he probably... he probably missed his flight. DAN: Yeah. HALEY: Right? I... I'm so silly. I need... I need to calm down and get some sleep. DAN: That's a really good idea. HALEY: Okay. Haley goes in her room, opens the faucet in the bathroom and calls. WOMAN(at phone): 911. What's your emergency? HALEY(at phone): I need your help. There's a murderer in my house. (Dan is behind the door of the room) End of the episode.

Nathan seems to have vanished on his way home, Haley goes searching for him and ultimately suspects Dan of having something to do with it. Tara gives Brooke a cockroach-infested flower as a "Face to face friends request", ultimately causing Brooke to destroy Tara's cafe after Tara gets personal in her attacks. Chase continues to feel guilty for sleeping with Tara behind Chris Keller's back. Chase also feels unwanted after Chuck spends all his attention on Keller and later his father, who finally comes back home. Clay checks into rehab, and Quinn spends the day babysitting Jamie & Lydia. This episode is named after a song by Echo and the Bunnymen .

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SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. A rider hurriedly gallops through the forest. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. The Dark Palace. Prince Charming and Snow White have an argument with the Evil Queen. Aurora and Prince Phillip are present. [SCENE_BREAK] Evil Queen: You've gathered the entire kingdom for this? There's a Wicked Witch out there, just waiting to pounce. And pretending otherwise would be dangerous. Prince Charming: There's nothing dangerous about rallying our people. Evil Queen: You're announcing you're pregnant. It's not like you invented the wheel. (The rider previously seen enters.) Prince Charming: What's this? (The rider pulls back her hood showing her face.) Snow White: (joyfully) Belle! Prince Charming: Are you okay? When you and Neal disappeared, we feared the worst. Belle: We went off to see, if we could revive the Dark One. Evil Queen: What happened? Belle: Neal was able to resurrect him. (sighs) At the cost of his own life. Evil Queen: (pleased) Rumple's alive. Snow White: (shocked) Neal is dead. Belle: I think so. Evil Queen: (to Belle) To which? Belle: Both. You see, when Rumple saw that Neal was dying- (gestures descriptively) -he absorbed him, and Zelena got ahold of the dagger. Now, she controls Rumple. (Aurora gives Prince Phillip a worried look.) Aurora: Maybe, now isn't the time to announce the pregnancy. Regina is right. It's too dangerous. Snow White: No, if we don't, we give into fear. But, if we do, we give the kingdom what they need: Hope. Prince Charming: We don't even know what this Wicked Witch wants. Aurora: Actually, we do. She wants your baby. Prince Phillip: She came to us when you were gone. Threatened us and our unborn child, unless we told her when you arrived in our land. Aurora: She thinks your baby could be important. I'm so sorry. She said she'd hurt us. (Startled by a gush of wind all them turn around. Flying in the Wicked Witch descends on them.) Wicked Witch of the West: And I make good on my promises. (Aurora and Phillip back away in fear. She engulfs both of them in green smoke transforming them into flying monkeys. Shrieking both monkeys take wing.) Snow White: (to Wicked Witch) What do you want with our baby? Wicked Witch of the West: Calm down, sweetie. You don't want to go into early labor. (The Wicked Witch stuns Snow White in place.) Prince Charming: (draws his sword) Stay away from my wife. (Turning the Wicked Witch freezes him in place as well.) Wicked Witch of the West: Oh, someone's testy. Evil Queen: Enough, sis. This is between you and me. (The Evil Queen raises a hand intending to magically strangle the Wicked Witch. Quickly, The Wicked Witch stuns her in place. Then she walks up to Snow White.) Wicked Witch of the West: Now, let's see, if this was all worth it. Yes. Yes, it was. This child will do quite nicely. So, take good care of it for me. Don't forget to eat well. I will be back for your happy day. And what's yours will be mine. (Chuckling she releases them.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. Eight months later. Dark Palace. Snow White, Prince Charming, The Evil Queen, Belle and Robin Hood discuss how to act on the Wicked Witch's threat. Granny is also present, knitting a blanket. Grumpy enters. [SCENE_BREAK] Prince Charming: Grumpy, tell me, you found something. Grumpy: I've been to Blue, Tink, all the fairies. They've been scouring the forest for enchanted items to destroy her, but they got zilch. They say, she's just too powerful. Snow White: It's happening again. I'm about to give birth and an evil sorceress is threatening the future of my child. Evil Queen: To be fair, the first time, I was threatening you. Everyone else just became collateral damage. Grumpy: Remind me again why we forgave her? Evil Queen: Because I'm helping. (Robin Hood chuckles) Frustrating as it is for me to remember, Snow, you had a head start to defeat me last time. How? Prince Charming: We were warned. Snow White: By Rumplestiltskin. Evil Queen: Maybe he can warn you again. Grumpy: Wait. You wanna sneak into Rumple's castle, where he's held captive by the Wicked Witch? Name is Grumpy, not Stupid. Snow White: You're right. It is stupid, but for our child- Prince Charming: We'll do whatever it takes. Evil Queen: Heartwarming. He's trapped in his own castle. (to Belle) Belle, you were prisoner there? Belle: Yes, but breaking in? I would have no idea how. Robin Hood: Luckily, I do. I broke in there once before. Evil Queen: (scoffs) Why are we even listening to him? He's a thief, which means he's not to be trusted. What are you even still doing here? Robin Hood: (to The Evil Queen) What I'm doing here, is saving your ass. The castle has traps and deadly ones. Evil Queen: Not more deadly than my magic. Robin Hood: They are, if you don't see them coming. Evil Queen: Maybe I'm okay with taking my chances. Snow White: (interrupting) Alright. You may be, but we're not. He's coming. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Granny's Bed and Breakfast. Kissing Regina Mills and Robin Hood stand in the hallway. After a moment Regina frees herself from Robin's embrace. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: What do you see in me? Robin Hood: Hopefully, the same thing you see in me. A second chance. And you're quite a good kisser. (chuckles) Regina: (chuckles) Just wait, 'til I actually have my heart back. Robin Hood: What is that like? I mean, can you ... Regina: Feel? (nods) Yes, I can. Just not (pausing she gropes for the right word) fully. It's difficult to explain. Robin Hood: Then don't. (takes her hand placing it over his heart) Use mine for the both of us. (Regina leans in and kisses him again. A door opens and Henry Mills walks past them. Henry clears his throat. Turning around Regina faces him.) Regina: Henry. Good morning. (smiles) Henry: (unable to recognize her) Morning. Um, excuse me, Madame Mayor. (Stunned Regina watches Henry as he walks away) Robin Hood: Are you alright? Regina: No, I'm not alright. But they're waiting for me. I should go. Robin Hood: Wait. (kisses her) Good luck. (kisses her again. Smiling Regina exits.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Granny's Bed and Breakfast. Regina joins Mary Margaret, David Nolan and Emma Swan. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary Margaret: (turning around as Regina enters the room) Regina. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you look smitten. Regina: (scoffs) If I didn't know any better, I'd say H agen-Dasz is smitten with your stomach. Can we get started? Emma: We were waiting for Hook. Regina: I don't have time to wait for the handless wonder. We have to figure out how to destroy my sister. David: For once, I agree with Regina. Stopping her plan is the priority. Emma: There's something about this plan that doesn't fit: Regina. Regina: I'm the point of it. So she can take my life for herself. Emma: Yes, but why bring you back to Storybrooke? Why bring any of us? Regina: Well, no one's ever succeeded at traveling through time. Perhaps something from this world makes it possible. But, what's almost as troubling is that she was able to cast the curse, to bring us all here in the first place. Emma: Why is that? Regina: To do it you have to give up the thing you love most. From what I gather Zelena doesn't love much. Emma: Neither did you. You managed. David: Zelena is smart. Strategic. Perhaps we discovered something in the missing year to stop her. Mary Margaret: And then, the only way to stop us from interfering was to bring us back here and wipe our memories. So, if we get our memories back, we might already know how to defeat her. David: We just need to break this curse. Mary Margaret: Well, thank goodness we have a savior. Emma: I would love to, but there's one problem. Last time, all it took was me believing in magic and kissing Henry. Since I've been back, I've done both and nothing. Regina: It's the belief. Henry. He needs to believe. In this new life he doesn't. We have to get him to believe again. Emma: So, what? We put on a magic show? Regina: How did you believe? Emma: (shrugs) The book. The storybook. Regina: That's what started Henry on his original path. And what got you to believe. (excited) It's the key. In him believing. In him remembering. Remembering everything. Emma: That's not necessarily a gift. He's been through a lot of tough stuff. Regina: And some good stuff. Either way it's our best bet. Mary Margaret: She's right. Emma: I know. Let's find it. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Somewhere in the woods Mr. Gold drives down a path and then parks the car. Zelena is waiting for him. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: (notices that Zelena holds a red rose in hand) A rose. How lovely. Zelena: Have you earned it? (In answer to her question Mr. Gold opens his car's trunk) It appears you have. (Hook, tied up and gagged, lies inside. Zelena removes the gag.) Hook: We're in Storybrooke. You've never heard of a telephone? Zelena: (chuckles, brushing his lips lightly with the rose) Such pretty lips. And so wasted. Why haven't you used those luscious lips and kissed Emma? Hook: A fellow likes to be courted. Zelena: This isn't a joke. I need to have her magic removed. If Snow's baby is born before you kiss, I'm going to have no other option. I'm going to have to start killing people. People that Emma loves. Starting with her son. (throws the rose down at Hook) Take away her magic, Captain, or the next rose will be on her little brat's grave. (shuts the trunk) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. Dark Castle. Robin Hood, Prince Charming, Snow White, Belle and The Evil Queen enter the castle. The Evil Queen walks up to a door intending to open it. [SCENE_BREAK] Robin Hood: Your Majesty, I wouldn't. (Quickly, he nocks an arrow aiming at the door. Hood successfully hits his target. The impact disarms a trap the door was provided with.) Evil Queen: (gasps) That arrow almost took off my head. Robin Hood: Well, that door almost took off your arm. Where I come from, a simple thank you would suffice. Evil Queen: (scorning) Where you come from, people bathe in the river and use pine cones for money. Snow White: Come on. Let's go. (They enter. Inside an imprisoned Rumplestiltskin spends his time spinning.) Rumplestiltskin? Rumplestiltskin: (giggles) Rumple, Bumple isn't here. Rumple, Bumple gone, my dear. Evil Queen: He really is back from the dead. Rumplestiltskin: Dead. Dead. So much better. Dead. Prince Charming: He's lost his mind. Rumplestiltskin: On the contrary. Now I have two. Two minds. Mining time. Digging deeper in the grime. Belle: What is she doing to him? Snow White: Nothing that can't be undone. Rumplestiltskin, we need your help? How do we stop Zelena? Rumplestiltskin: Round and round, the circle of time, racing towards the finish line. Evil Queen: This is pointless. Belle: Let me try. (approaches the cage, speaking softly) Hey. Hey Rumple. (reaching with one hand through the bars she touches him lightly. Startled Rumplestiltskin faces Belle) Hey. Hey. I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. How do we stop Zelena? Rumplestiltskin: (whispering) Light. Belle: What? Rumplestiltskin: Light magic. The Good Witch of the South. Glinda. Belle: Glinda, but south of what? Oz? Rumplestiltskin: No. Banished. Here. The Good Witch of the South was banished north. North of the Dark Forest. Snow White: How do we find her? Rumplestiltskin. In the Dark Forest, how do we find her? Rumplestiltskin: Through the door step inside, if pure of heart, then she won't hide. (giggles) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Granny's Bed and Breakfast. David ends a telephone call. [SCENE_BREAK] David: Gold's was a dead end. That was Belle. No book in the shop. Mary Margaret: Regina, you said the last place you saw it was Henry's room. Regina: Yes, but it's not there. Swept away by the last curse. David: A book can't just disappear. Mary Margaret: But it can just appear. The first curse. It just showed up in my closet, when I needed it. Or more accurately, when Henry needed it. Emma: What do you mean? Mary Margaret: He was going through a rough time. He was realizing he had been given up. He didn't feel like he had a real family. Regina: He did. Mary Margret: That may be. But, Regina, he wasn't feeling that way with you or with anyone. He needed to believe in happy endings again. That's what the book gave him. Regina: Well, he needs to believe again. In fact, I think we all do. What do you think we go check your closet? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Regina, Emma, Mary Margaret and David enter Granny's Diner. Emma approaches Henry. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: Hey kid. I got to run. I got to check on a lead. You're okay to stay here longer? I'll call you later. (Henry watches Emma leaving and then decides to follow her outside) Henry: Where are you really going? Emma: (turns around) I told you.I'm following a lead. Henry: What lead? Emma: It's my job. It's complicated. Henry: Is this about the person who killed my dad? Emma: (reluctant) Y...Yes. Henry: Then, tell me. Emma: It would just be easier once it's all solved, Henry. Henry: You've been lying to me ever since we got here. I deserve to know everything. Emma: No, you don't! I'm your mother and I know best. So, you just gonna have to deal with this for now, okay? Understood? Henry: Yeah, I think I do. (Emma starts to walk away.) Wait. I need your keys. I left mine in the room and if I'm gonna be a prisoner I'd like to have my Game Boy. (Emma hands him her keys. Henry enters Granny's Diner again. Quickly walking past the guests he exits the house through the rear entrance. Using the keys he then unlocks Emma's parked car. Henry's unaware that Hook stands behind him watching) Hook: Where are you off to there, mate? Henry: (turns around) Uh, nowhere. Hook: You're quite in the rush to go nowhere. Henry: Fine. I'm going home. Hook: Mm. You're running away. Henry: Whatever. Hook: So, you're planning on driving all the way back to New York? One lesson and you think you're ready for that? Henry: No, just to the nearest bus station. Hook: I'm afraid I can't let you do that. It's too dangerous. Henry: I don't care what you think. (Henry opens the car's door) Hook: (closes the door again) Well, you should. Cause I've got a better way. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Blanchard Apartment. Emma, Mary-Margaret, David and Regina are looking for Henry's storybook. David and Regina search the bedroom, Mary Margaret and Emma another. Regina opens one suitcase and looks inside searching for the book. It's empty. David opens a chest. Shoe boxes are stored inside. [SCENE_BREAK] David: (picks one shoe box and sets it aside) Why do women keep their shoe boxes? Mary Margaret: (overhearing the remark) Because after true love there is no more powerful magic than footwear. It has to be protected. Emma: Any sign of the book? David: (shuts the chest) No. I don't think it's here. Mary Margaret: You don't know that. Emma: (carrying another wooden chest she joins David and Regina) Maybe it's in this thing. (places the chest on the bed and opens it. Clothes are stored inside. Relieved) Some winter coats. Some scarves. The book is not in here. (Emma sighs) Mary Margaret: Hang on. Let me check. (After a while of searching Mary Margaret is able to find the storybook.) Emma: I don't understand. Regina: Can I see that? (Mary Margaret gives the book to Regina) I know there are chapters on Oz in here. I wanna know who's heart Zelena crushed to enact this curse. Because if there's something she loved, that's her weakness. (Regina exits the room. David heads after her.) Mary Margaret: Did you really not see it in there? Emma: You think I'm lying? Mary Margaret: No, of course not. It's just- Emma, what's going on? You've been anxious since we left Granny's. Emma: Nothing. Mary Margaret: No, it's not nothing. You yelled at Henry. That's not like you. Emma: None of this is like me. At least, it never used to be. Mary Margaret: What are you talking about? Emma: I'm talking about wicked witches and time traveling holy wars. I've forgotten what it was like here. I don't want that for Henry. Mary Margaret: So, you're taking him back to New York after this is all over, aren't you? You're father said you're thinking about it. Emma: Yeah, I am. Mary Margaret: And that's why you looked relieved when we couldn't find the book. You don't want his memories back. Emma: If getting his memories back is the only way to break the curse, then that's what we're gonna do. But I don't want it to be any harder on him than it has to be. Our life in New York was really good. Mary Margaret: Sure it was, but it wasn't home. Emma: It was for us. Mary Margaret: That's because you forgot about us. (Embarrassed Emma looks down. Mary Margaret stands up.) Let's go get Henry. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. South of the Dark Castle. Snow White, Prince Charming and The Evil Queen walk through the woods. Prince Charming stops to pick one snowbell. [SCENE_BREAK] Prince Charming: (gives the flower to Snow White) For luck. (Smiling Snow White takes them, then she turns to the Evil Queen) What? Evil Queen: We're at the edge of the Dark Forest, trying to find the one person who can stop our imminent doom and save your unborn child. And you two stop to smell the roses? Snow White: Snowbells. Evil Queen: I don't care if they are dancing daffodils. I need to destroy my sister. And so do you. (walks on the other two following close behind) And if that babbling mad man sent us on a wild goose chase, I swear I'll- (Amidst the path there's standing a door) What's that supposed to be? Prince Charming: Well, it appears to be a door. (Prince Charming carefully approaches the door. He's able to see that the path continues beyond it) Snow White: Through the door step inside. If pure of heart, then she won't hide. It's Rumple's riddle. It's Glinda. (steps through the door and vanishes.) Prince Charming: Snow! (follows Snow White through the door) Evil Queen: (scoffs) A portal with a cheap clocking spell. (Stepping through the door as well The Evil Queen enters the path beyond the door. Realizing that she's not allowed to use the portal, the Evil Queen briskly walks back and closes the door behind her.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. Glinda's Pocket Dimension. Snow falls. [SCENE_BREAK] Snow White: I thought she was supposed to be the Good Witch of the South. Glinda: (magically she appears) I was. Before I was banished here. Prince Charming: Where's Regina? Glinda: I'm afraid your traveling companion has a heart heavy with vengeance. Only a good witch may pass through my door. Snow White: I'm not a witch. My name is- Glinda: (interrupting) I know who you are. I've heard many tales of your bravery, and now you hold not one pure heart, but two. I sense powerful magic there. Snow White: That's why we're here. Prince Charming: We were told your light magic could help defeat the Wicked Witch. We've come to ask for your help. Glinda: I'm sorry. My magic is not powerful enough to defeat Zelena. It never has been. Prince Charming: You know her? Glinda: We were friends long ago, when things were different. But she made her choice. She gave into her dark magic. I tried to stop her. I failed. Snow White: There must be some way to defeat her. Glinda: There is. She was born with great power. Long ago I gave her a pendant to help focus it. He magic has resided inside of it ever since. Prince Charming: So, if we can remove it, she'll lose her power and we can defeat her? Glinda: But, only a purveyor of the strongest light magic will be able to accomplish such defeat. Snow White: Light magic? Glinda: Magic created from love. Snow White: (in realization) Emma. Our daughter. She's the product of true love. She's the savior. Glinda: If she is as pure and powerful as you say, then yes. She - and only she - can defeat Zelena. Prince Charming: But she's not in this land and we can't get back to her. Glinda: Then I'm afraid your quest futile. Snow White: Actually, there is a way. But there's a steep price. Prince Charming: No, Snow. You can't mean... Snow White: Yes. We must enact the Dark Curse. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. South of the Dark Castle. Snow White and Prince Charming discuss their plan with The Evil Queen. [SCENE_BREAK] Evil Queen: Are you out of your minds? Even, if I believe this Glinda, which I don't, to cast the Dark Curse I'd have to destroy the heart of the thing I love most, which - for me - is Henry. Snow White: There has to be another way to enact it. Evil Queen: If there were, do you think I would have killed my own father? Prince Charming: What about a magic bean? If we had one, we could open a portal. Or Jefferson's hat? Evil Queen: There are no more portals. Not for us. Not for anyone the curse brought back. When I undid the first curse to escape Pan to bring us here, it divided our realms. It placed a wall between them. Prince Charming: The Dark Curse is the only way. Evil Queen: Haven't you been listening? I can't cast it. Prince Charming: But someone else can. Snow White: Who? Prince Charming: You. (crouches down besides Snow White) It's the only way. You can use my heart to cast the curse. We have to think of our child. Snow White: Our child needs you. I need you. We'll find another way. We always find another way. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Granny's Diner. Entering the diner Emma approaches Mary Margaret, David and Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: He's gone. Regina: What do you mean, gone? Emma: I mean he's not in the room. He's not in the parlor. and my keys are gone. My car keys. Regina: Give me something of his. I'll try a locator spell. Emma: I'm way ahead of you. I've got GPS on his phone. He's at the docks. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke Dock. [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: Henry, this is a friend of mine. Mr. Smee. Henry: Like from Peter Pan? Smee: You remember? Henry: I've seen the movie a million times. Hook: It's quite a common name in the seafaring world. As luck would have it he's making sail to New York and would be happy for the company. Smee: I am? (he quickly exchanges glances with Hook) I mean, I am. Henry: (doubtful) Really? Where is your ship? Smee: (turns around) Um, (notices a small boat moored behind him) there she is. Henry: You're stealing it, right? Hook: You wanna go to New York or not? Henry: Why are you helping me? (The distant sound of flapping wings gradually gets louder.) Smee: (uneasy) Captain? Hook: Mr. Smee, we need to get the lad to the boat house. Henry: Why? What's going on? (Up in the cloudy sky a flying monkey circles above them. Descending the monkey attacks the group.) Henry: Killian, what is that? Hook: Now! (Running Hook, Smee and Henry enter the boat house.) Smee: (locks the door behind him) What now, Captain? Hook: (to Smee) Take the boy there. Far exit. Find a new boat. I'll stay here to deal with our winged friends. (to Henry) Henry, go with Smee. Don't stop, no matter what you hear. (Smee exits. Henry briefly stops once again, watching the flying monkey descending) Henry, go! (Hook fires his pistol twice, killing two flying monkeys. Henry trips over a coiled rope. A third monkey descends attacking the boy) No! (Aiming Hook fires his pistol once again, but the pistol magazine is empty. Fired from behind another bullet hits the third monkey directly in the chest. Running Emma, David and Regina enter the boat house. David throws his sword at another winged creature.) Regina: I never liked pets. (launches a fire ball at a monkey sitting above. Two surviving flying monkeys remain. Emma shots one of them and Regina launches a fire ball at their last opponent.) Emma: (helps Henry to his feet) Henry, are you okay? Henry: Y... Yeah. What were those things? (David sheathes his sword.) Why does he have a sword? Emma: It's all gonna make sense in a minute, I promise. Henry: (confused) What are you talking about? Emma: I'm sorry I was keeping things from you. You were right. You deserve to know the truth. (shows Henry his storybook) Henry: About fairy tales? I don't understand. Emma: Do you trust me? Henry: Yes, of course, I do. Emma: Then I need you to believe. Henry: Believe in what? Emma: Believe in magic. Henry: (doubtful) From a book? Emma: It's more than just a book. Do you believe in me? Henry: Yes. Emma: Then take it. (Emma hands Henry the book. As soon as he takes it Henry remembers visiting Emma in Boston, both of them sitting together at his castle, Emma breaking the curse, using pixie dust to fly in Neverland, practice sword fighting with his father, leaving Storybrooke) Henry: (to Emma) Mom? (Emma smiles. to Regina) Mom? (Regina hugs Henry) I remember. (to Emma) I remember. Regina: Do it, Emma. Break the curse. (Emma leans forward to kiss Henry but he disappears) Zelena: (trapping Henry in her arms) So, sorry to interrupt. Now, who wants to say good-bye first? Henry: (struggling to break free) Who are you? Zelena: You can call me Auntie Zelena. Regina: Enough of this. (Regina takes a step towards her Zelena. Raising a hand Zelena magically pushes her sister backwards.) Emma: Let him go. He had nothing to do with this. Zelena: Don't blame me. The captain failed me. Hook: Damn you, Zelena. Emma: Hook, what's she talking about? Zelena: He knew what the price of that failure was: Your son's life. Henry: (with a strained voice) Mom. (Emma focuses her magic on Zelena freeing Henry) Emma: Run! (Henry hugs Emma) Zelena: (frustrated) Enjoy this moment together because you don't have many left! (disappears in a cloud of green smoke) Emma: Henry, are you okay? Henry: Yeah. Yeah. (Henry kneels down beside Regina. Gently shaking her he tries to awake Regina) Mom! Mom! Mom! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. Dark Palace. The Evil Queen, Snow White and Prince Charming watch the Dark Curse boiling in a great cauldron. [SCENE_BREAK] Evil Queen: It's ready. Snow White: No. There has to be another way to get to Emma. Evil Queen: There isn't. You know if there were, I'd have gone back to Henry. This is it. This sacrifice. Prince Charming: Snow, we have to do this. You have to do this. Snow White: I can't. I can't crush your heart. I can't lose you. Prince Charming: You'll never lose me. But this... this is our only chance. Think of our baby. Think of being a mother. Snow White: Our child will never know it's father. Prince Charming: Of course, it will. Through you. We've always shared one heart. It'll only grow stronger when you look at that baby's face and see the love I have for you in its eyes. Snow White: (crying) I've loved you since the first moment I saw you. Prince Charming: And I love you until my last. (They kiss. to Evil Queen) Okay. Do it. Evil Queen: I won't lie. This is going to hurt. But it will work. (The Evil Queen thrusts her hand into Prince Charming's chest and takes his heart out.) Snow White: Charming? Prince Charming: Don't say good-bye. Snow White: I love you. I love you more than anything. Prince Charming: Which is why you have to crush it. (The Evil Queen hands Snow White Prince Charming's heart. Crushing the heart Snow White adds the last ingredient to the Dark Curse. Prince Charming falls dead to the ground. Snow White sobs.) Evil Queen: This won't be in vain. We will get back to Storybrooke. We will defeat... (The Wicked Witch of the West flies in on her broom and descends on them. Hovering above the cauldron she adds an green potion and lands soon after. The Evil Queen faces her sister.) Zelena. Wicked Witch of the West: Did you really think you could enact Rumple's Dark Curse and I wouldn't know about it? Evil Queen: No, but I didn't really care? You're too late. Wicked Witch of the West: Actually, I'm not. (to Snow White) I'm afraid you sacrificed your charming husband for nothing. Snow White: Regina, he can't die in vain. Evil Queen: She's bluffing. Once the curse is enacted it can't be stopped. Wicked Witch of the West: I may not be able to stop it, but that doesn't mean I can't spice it up a bit. How does a forgetting potion sound? (They all look over to the cauldron as the curse cloud begins expanding. Snow has a look of shock on her face whilst the Evil Queen's is cold with annoyance. Zelena gloats.) Mm, sorry. Did you need your memories in the new land? Were you planning to stop me? Or, for that matter recognize me. Snow White: (defiantly) We'll find a way. Wicked Witch of the West: Without knowing any of this? I doubt it. You'll be too busy looking for your husband. You won't even know about his sacrifice. Just endlessly wondering where he could be, always fearing the worst. (to the Evil Queen) Pay attention, sis. This is how you take away a happy ending. (The Wicked Witch flies off. Snow and the Evil Queen look to Charming's body, devestated.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke Dock. The boat house. Henry still tries to awake Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: (shaking Regina gently) Mom! Mom, please. Wake up! Mom! Mom! Regina: Henry. Henry: Mom. (Regina stands up and hugs Henry.) Regina: (relieved) Henry. Oh, Henry. (smiles) I will never let you go away again. I promise. I love you, Henry. (Regina kisses Henry lightly on the forehead. The Dark Curse breaks. Mary Margaret hugs David.) Emma:(to Regina) It wasn't me. It was you. Mary Margaret. David, did it work? Do you remember the missing year? Mary Margaret: Yes, everything. Emma: How did Zelena cast the curse? Mary Margaret: (shaking her head) She didn't, Emma. We did. Emma: You cursed yourselves? Mary Margaret: Zelena's weakness is light magic. I mean, it's clear now, more than ever. You're the only one who can defeat her. David: That's why we paid the price for Regina's curse. To find you. Emma: The price of the curse is the heart of the thing you love most. If one of you cast it, how are you both still here? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. Dark Palace. Snow mourns her husband as the curse cloud continues to expand above them. [SCENE_BREAK] Snow White: Regina, I need you to rip out my heart. (Evil Queen looks confused) Charming's right. We have been of one heart since the day he woke me from the sleeping curse. If you split my heart in half, we can both survive. Evil Queen: Snow, I know your love is strong, but this isn't like plucking a flower. How do you know it will work? Snow White: (desperate) Faith. Belief. I believe. I believe my heart is strong enough for both of us. Evil Queen: (concerned) But, if you're wrong, you'll die. Snow White: Please. Please, Regina. Do it. (Snow places her arms on the Evil Queen's shoulders as she thrusts her hand in Snow's chest and rips out her heart. Carefully, she breaks the heart into halves. She plaes the two halves back into Snow and Charming as they both anxiously wait for Charming's revival.'After a moment Prince Charming inhales deeply. Relieved the Evil Queen smiles.) Prince Charming: (surprised) Snow? Snow, what's happening? Snow White: (teary-eyed) You're okay. We're both okay. (They kiss as the Evil Queen smiles. They look up as the Dark Curse slowly spills from the cauldron and begins to surround them. The rest of the cloud soon collapes on top of them.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. The boat house. Henry tells Regina about the year he spent in New York. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: New York was awesome. The pizza. The Yankees. My school. Regina: (chuckles) Slow down. I wanna hear it all. The entire year. Henry: I found an apple tree in Central Park that looked exactly like the one by your office. Of course, I didn't know back then, but now I do. And guess what... Regina: What? Henry: I got pretty good at math. Regina: No. Henry: Pretty good. Not Stephen-Hawking-good, but good. What did I miss here? Regina: Nothing much. Nothing that matters now. Henry: Not even that guy that was kissing you? Regina: Let's stay focused on New York. Tell me about the pizza. Henry: Come on, mom. Who is he? Regina: (clears her throat) His name is Robin. Hood. We just started seeing each other. Henry: Wait. Robin Hood? (Robin Hood enters the boat house) Robin Hood: At your service. (They shake hands.) Henry: Awesome. Regina: So, the curse is broken. Robin Hood: (nods) Indeed. And the missing year? Things a bit rocky between us, yeah? (He gives Regina a smile.) Regina: (chuckles) For some reason you're so much more likable here in Storybrooke. (Laughing Robin Hood puts an arm around her. The three of them leave the boat house.) Emma: (approaches Hook) Are you gonna tell me what Zelena was talking about? She said you failed her. Hook: Don't listen to her. Emma: Killian, what's going on? Were you working for her? Hook: The witch tried to back me into a corner. I did everything I could to resist her plans. Emma: So, whose idea was it to kidnap Henry and stick him on a boat? Hook: It was mine. I was trying to save him. Emma: From what? What is she doing? Hook: She cursed me. My lips, actually. Emma: Your lips? Why? Hook: She wants to steal your magic. She thought I was the best way of doing that. She knows what we all know: That you can defeat her. Emma: It should have been my decision to protect Henry. Whether she forced your hand or not, it doesn't matter. I can't trust you now. How can I? David: She's right not to. He has lied about more than just this. Mary Margaret: You said you brought Emma to Storybrooke because you received a message from us with a memory potion. Hook: Aye, what of it? David: We didn't send you any message. Hook: Well, I got one. It's the truth. Somebody bloody well sent me the message. Who else would have an antidote? Who else would have known where to find the savior? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past. Dark Castle. The Wicked Witch of the West prepares a memory potion. Rumplestiltskin watches her. [SCENE_BREAK] Rumplestiltskin: (giggles) Wolf's blood. Dragon's scale. I've tasted this brew before. Wicked Witch of the West: We're about to take an unplanned trip, my pet. The curse is coming. Rumplestiltskin: You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. (chanting) You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. Wicked Witch of the West: Don't be so dour. What I need to do (opens the cage's door) can be done from any land. I will succeed in changing the past. My spell will work. Rumplestiltskin: But only, if you remember it. Wicked Witch of the West: Which I will. (shows him the memory potion) With this. To keep my valuable recollection safe and sound. (The Wicked Witch drinks up the potion. She hands the second bottle to Rumplestiltskin.) Here. Drink it. Dump it out. Sing it a song. Your brains are still mine. If you want to remember the loss of your son, so be it. But, if you prefer to stumble about blind and stupid with the rest of them, be my guest. (The Wicked Witch exits taking the Dark One's dagger with her.) Rumplestiltskin: (wanders around the room) Memories are pain. Pain is strength. (He removes the bottle's cork.) For vengeance. (He raises a hand to drink the potion. Uncontrollable spasms shake Rumplestiltskin's body and he trembles violently. Breaking free from his father's body Neal comes alive. Rumplestiltskin loses his consciousness.) Neal: (staggering to the table) We don't need to remember. Emma does. (He tears a piece of cloth from his sleeve and hurriedly writes a note on it. Whistling he stubles over to the window. A pigeon lands on the sill and he ties the note abd bottle to its leg.) Find Killian Jones. On the Jolly Roger. Find Captain Hook. Go! (he lets the bird fly. Neal falls backwards and re-merges with Rumplestiltskin's body. Rumplestiltskin awakens.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybroooke graveyard. A tombstone reads: "Beloved Son Neal Cassidy". Henry, Emma, Mary Margaret and David mourn him. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: He really was a hero. Emma: He was, Henry. He didn't give a second thought to sacrificing himself for you. For all of us. (Henry places a red rose on the tomb stone.) Henry: Yeah. Was it hard? Coming back to Storybrooke, when you knew it'd be dangerous? I mean, life in New York was pretty good. Emma: It was better than good. But I had this voice stuck in my head that I couldn't shake. Henry: Whose? Emma: Yours. I knew how you would have voted on this. Henry: (nods) Yeah. And you know what this means? Operation Cobra is back on. Emma: I'm not sure it ever ended. (Mary Margaret gasps in pain) David: Hey. Emma: (running towards her parents) Mary Margaret. David: Hey. Hey. Deep breaths. Take deep breaths. I'll get the truck. Emma: Mary Margaret, you're okay? Mary Margaret: It's the baby. It's coming.

Zelena threatens to kill Henry if Hook - whose lips have been cursed by the Wicked Witch -- doesn't proceed with kissing Emma, which will drain all of her magical powers away, and things begin to heat up between Regina and Robin Hood. Meanwhile, back in the Fairy Tale Land that was during the past year, Snow and Charming go in search of Glinda, the Good Witch of the South, to see if she can help them defeat Zelena, and the curse that will ultimately send the Fairy Tale characters back to Storybrooke is cast -- but from an unlikely source.

fd_The_O.C._01x04

fd_The_O.C._01x04_0

Scenes from the last episode. TEASER Seth and Ryan are sitting on the couch playing some video game. Seth: (while absorbed with the game) Oh. Oh. (chuckles) Oh really? You think so? Ryan: I do. Seth: Well, we'll see about that, Monkey Pox. On the TV: Player 1 wins. Seth sighs dramatically as Ryan looks at him smugly. Seth: So the pupil has become the teacher. Kirsten and Sandy walk in together. They are both dressed very nicely. Sandy: Hey guys! Ryan : Hey. Seth: (unenthusiastically) Who died? Kirsten: Seth, we need to talk to Ryan. Seth and Ryan look a little guilty. Seth: Okay. If this has to do with the rug though, I just want to tell you that Ryan had nothing to do with it. Kirsten: (looking down at the rug) What about the rug? Seth: I'm gonna go now. (leaves the room quickly as Kirsten is still looking at the rug) Sandy sits down on a chair, while Kirsten stands next to him. Ryan puts down the controller that he's still holding. Sandy: So, Kirsten and I went to child services this morning. And we told them that, uh, that we want you to stay with us. (Ryan looks very hopeful) But there's a catch. Because you're a minor, the only way they'll allow that to happen is if we assume all legal responsibility for you. Ryan: I can't ask you guys to do that. Sandy: Well, you don't have to. We're asking you. Kirsten: We've all talked about it. And we want to be your legal guardians. We want you to be part of the family. If you want to be... Ryan: (looking a little uncertain) What if it doesn't work? Pause. Kirsten: Well, how do you mean? Ryan: Well... what if something happens and... and you guys change your mind. Sandy: Like what? You steal a car? You burn down a house? You beat up the captain of the water polo team? (both Sandy and Kirsten smile) Those ships have sailed, my friend. Kirsten: You just have to promise us you'll stay out of trouble. From now on... no more fights. Sandy: You're still on probation. And child services will be up our ass all the time. Ryan: (looking very grateful) No more trouble. I promise. Kirsten and Sandy smile at each other. Sandy: Well. (Ryan and Sandy stand up; Sandy extends his hand out to Ryan) Welcome to the family. Ryan and Sandy shake hands. Ryan: Thanks, guys Kirsten hugs him a little awkwardly, but with a big smile. Ryan looks as though he's about to cry. Kirsten: (loudly) Okay, Seth. You can come out now. (laughs) Seth pops his head around the corner with a huge grin on his face. Ryan: You knew about this and didn't say anything. Seth: (shrugging) I didn't want to jinx it. Ryan nods a little. They do one of those 'cool' handshakes. Seth: Dude. You're a Cohen now. Welcome to a life of insecurity and... paralysing self-doubt. Ryan: Yeah. (takes a deep breath) Now, all I have to do is... stay out of trouble. Seth: (nodding) Yeah, that could be... difficult. [Opening credits] SCENE 1 Kirsten, Seth and Ryan walk into the pool house. Kirsten is carrying a brown paper bag. Kirsten: You're going to need bedding. And towels. Oh, how's the bed, Ryan? Is it comfortable? Seth jumps on the bed and bounces up and down on it. Ryan: Yeah, it's - Huh. It's fine. It's great. Kirsten: (looking a little uncomfortable) We really want you to have your privacy, but this is a pool house - it needs a little warmth. You're going to need chairs, and a desk and a... bookshelf. Seth: Plasma flat screen, a couple of turntables, minibar - Kirsten: (gesturing at a linen shelf) And we should clean all this out, so that you have room for some of your... Right, you don't have any stuff. Which means we have to go shopping for clothes and shoes and underpants... Seth: Mom! Don't say underpants. Ryan: I've got everything I need. Really. Kirsten: I bet you don't have a tux. Cause you're going to need one. Ryan: For what? Kirsten: For cotillion. Cut to the front of the club. Kirsten, Ryan and Seth are stepping out of a black SUV. Kirsten: It's the annual debutant ball. It's Newport's biggest event. Seth: Until whatever's next week. Kirsten: It's the day when Newport's most accomplished young women make their formal debut into society. Seth: Or another excuse for them to get wasted and throw up on themselves. Kirsten: Hey. I was a deb. I made my debut at this very country club not so many years ago. Seth: The year was - Kirsten: Hey! They enter the club. Ryan: You know what. Maybe I should skip it. Kirsten: You have to go. It's a family tradition and you're part of the family. Peggy: Hello! Kirsten and Peggy do that kissing the air thing. Kirsten: Hi, Peggy. Mwah. How are you? Peggy: I'm good. Kirsten: And how's it going? Peggy: It'll be fine. Oh, the fitting area's back there. (she points 'back there') Kirsten: Thank you. Come on, boys. It'll be fun. They walk towards 'back there.' Seth makes a 'riiiight' face, while Ryan just looks apprehensive. SCENE 2 The Cohen house. Sandy's black SUV is pulling into the driveway, his surfboard sticking out the back. Sandy gets out of the car, throws his bag on the front steps, then goes to back and removes his swim gear. Jimmy: Sandy! Sandy: Hey, Jimmy. Jimmy walks up as Sandy is removing his board. Jimmy: Got some surfing in, huh? Sandy: Yep. Late court date. Gotta take advantage. Jimmy: Nice to have hobbies. Look, uh... I know you're not thrilled with me. When I borrowed the money from Kirsten, I... should have... asked you. I wasn't - I wasn't going behind your back. Sandy: Look, it's done. Let's move on. Jimmy: I was, uh... I was afraid of what you'd think of me. (pause) Losing this much money as I have is, uh... not an impressive accomplishment. (looks very uncomfortable) Sandy: How much money did you lose? Jimmy: Ah. (waves it away) It's not important. Sandy: (nods. Then shakes his head) How'd you lose it? Jimmy: Look. The important thing is - is I don't know what Julie and I would do without friends like you and Kirsten. They shake hands. Sandy: So everything's okay? Jimmy: Oh yeah. Yeah. Thank you. (moves to leave) Sandy: I'll see you around. Jimmy: See ya! Sandy looks a little unconvinced. SCENE 3 At the country club, in the back where they are doing fittings. Ryan is being dragged along by a guy with a measuring tape around his neck. Guy: (pointing at a rack of suits) Okay. Pick whatever you want. We've got Gucci, Armani. (points somewhere else) Versace's over there. Ryan looks out of his element. He fingers the suits, walks forward then stops short when he sees Marissa. She's passing a piece of paper to a woman. Marissa: Hi. Uhm. I'm picking up for Marissa Cooper? Ryan: Hey. Marissa: (turns and sees him) Hey. What are *you* doing here? Ryan: I, uh. (gestures at guy with measuring tape) I had an appointment with my personal shopper. Marissa: But I thought you said you were leaving. With your mom. Ryan: It didn't really work out. So, I'm kind of living with the Cohens. Marissa: For good? Ryan: Is that... going to be a problem? Marissa: No. No! It's great. I mean, I guess now we can be friends, right? Ryan looks uncomfortable. Marissa looks uncomfortable. Summer: (walks up) Hey, Coop! (removing gloves) Oh, these gloves are giving me serious sausage arms. Summer and Marissa laugh. Luke is with her and walks up to put his arm around Marissa's shoulder, eyeing Ryan suspiciously. Luke: (to Ryan) What are you still doing here? I thought you were going back to Chino? Ryan: I had a change of plans. Marissa: Ryan is living here now. Luke: He's WHAT? Ryan: Look. I'm not here to cause problems. Kirsten: (walking up, looking concerned) Is everything all right? Marissa and Luke smile at Kirsten a little uncomfortably. Luke: (to Marissa) I'll be in the truck. (starts leaving but not before sending Ryan one last 'look') Marissa: Great. Kirsten: Marissa. I was going to call you. Since you're lead deb, I - (turns behind) Seth! - I wanted to introduce you to a couple of white knights. In case any of your girls need a last minute escort. Summer: (licentiously) Every girl needs a white knight. Ryan looks scared. Seth: (sidling up) Seth Cohen, white knight. Summer: (glances at Seth then focuses her attention on Ryan) So, uh, you'll be at the rehearsal. Seth: (nods enthusiastically at Summer then Ryan) Yes. Absolutely. Summer: (to Ryan) See you then. (drags Marissa away) Marissa: Bye. Seth: Cotillion ROCKS! Ryan doesn't exactly look like he agrees. In a fitting room. Marissa is sitting down on a chair while Summer is facing a mirror on the wall. Marissa: You want me to fix you up with RYAN? I mean I thought you said he was a 'total psycho.' (she supplies the finger quotes) Summer: (holding up a dress to herself) Well, that was before I got to know him. Marissa: Wait. When did you get to know him. Summer: Just now. Plus I'm into that whole brooding bad boy thing. He's wounded - I can save him. Marissa: I mean have you really talked to him, though? Cause he's not really a bad boy. Summer: Well, he will be by the time I get through with him. (exchanges the dress she's holding for the one on Marissa's lap) Marissa laughs weakly. Summer: What? You're not like... into him are you? I mean, you're with Luke, right? Marissa: (a little too quickly) Right. Summer: Good. SCENE 4 At Sandy's office. Sandy is sitting at his desk. Steve: Sandy Cohen? Steve Pearlman from episode 101 enters the room. Steve: I'm with the Securities and Exchange Commission Enforcement Division? Sandy: (stands up) Okay. Steve: (doesn't quite close the door, but shuts it a little) I was hoping you could help me out with a case that I'm investigating. Sandy: Sure. What can I do for you? Steve: Were you aware, Mr Cohen, that a cheque your wife made out to a James Cooper for one hundred thousand dollars was not treated as an investment but a direct deposit into his personal account? Sandy: It wasn't an investment. It was a loan. My wife and Jimmy are old... (pauses) What's this about? Steve: Do you know that Mr Cooper is currently the subject of an SEC fraud investigation? Sandy: (softly) No. (things clicking in his brain) No, I didn't. SCENE 5 At the Cohen house. Kirsten is walking into the house with Ryan and Seth behind her. They are all carrying bags. Seth: Hey. White gloves (to Ryan) are ready for a comeback. Kirsten: (walking into the kitchen, she sees Sandy pouring two glasses of red wine) Hey! What are you doing home? Sandy: Fellas, do you mind? Seth: Oh. Uh. If this is about the vase - Sandy: Which vase? Seth: Hm. (shakes his head) Nothing. Uh, let's go, Ryan. (jerks his head at Ryan) Come on, buddy. Seth and Ryan leave the room. Kirsten: (walks up to Sandy, leans against the kitchen counter) What's going on? Sandy sets down one of the glasses in front of her. At the pool house, Seth is messing with his suit. Ryan walks in and dumps his suit on the bed. Ryan: Okay. So... I think I'm not going to Cotillion. Seth: (sitting on a chair reading a comic book) Yeah, okay. Except that you are. Ryan: I made a promise to your parents that I'd stay out of trouble. Seth: Yeah, it's a debutant ball. What kind of trouble can you get into? Ryan: I don't know. Why don't you ask *Luke*? Seth: (sets down his comic book on his lap) Ryan. We're white knights, okay. That means Marissa probably already has some sad, lonely girl all lined up for you to escort, so you can't just call and cancel at the last minute. That's a faux pas, buddy. Ryan sits down on the bed, looking not too happy. Ryan: Would you call her? Seth: (looking up from his comics) No. (closes the comic again) If you're going to bail on Marissa and some like poor, pathetic dateless girl, you're just going to have to do that one yourself. In the kitchen. Kirsten: (looking upset) Are you sure? Sandy: Well, according to these guys, Jimmy's been siphoning money out of his clients' accounts to cover his own debts. Kirsten: (sits down on a chair, looks disbelieving) How could we not know something like this? Sandy: Because. We trusted the guy. Everybody did. This entire community wrote him blank cheques and never asked any questions. *You* gave him a hundred grand! Kirsten: It was just a loan. Sandy: WHICH according to the SEC makes us worth investigating too. Kirsten: (looking very upset, rests her forehead on her clasped hands) I'm going to be sick. Sandy: (picks up the cordless and turns it on) I'm going to have to call our friends and let 'em know. Kirsten looks up immediately. Kirsten: Sandy, wait. You're just going to panic people. Sandy scoffs. Kirsten: Don't... do anything until I talk to him, okay? Sandy: Put your personal feelings for this guy aside. Forget about your history - Kirsten: He's one of my oldest friends. If it's true, I just need to hear it from him. Sandy turns off the cordless. SCENE 6 At the Cooper house. Ryan is standing at the front door. Marissa: I'm coming! She opens the door wearing a white dress. Marissa: Hey! Ryan is stunned speechless by how good she looks. Marissa: You're, uhm, at my house. (she grabs her top, it looks like it's loose) Ryan: I, uh, well, I wanted to talk to you about Cotillion. Marissa: Oh. Okay. Well, uhm, (tries looking at her own back) I was just trying this on and I can't seem to reach the- Ryan: Did you want me to, uhm - I could. Do you want me to, uh - Marissa: Yeah, you know, actually. (turns her back to him) If you wouldn't mind. He stares at her back for a good, long moment. She's wearing a bareback dress that has three horizontal straps holding the top together. The top strap is undone. He looks really uncomfortable and nervous as he attaches the strap. Marissa: (turning back) Thanks. So, what's up with Cotillion? Ryan: What time did you want me there? She's smiling. He looks shell-shocked. SCENE 7 At the Cooper house. Inside Jimmy's study, he and Kirsten are talking. Jimmy: I'm, I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to be dragged in like this. Kirsten: How did this happen? I mean I understand a couple of bad investments, but theft - Jimmy: (laughing) Theft? No, no, no! Julie: Okay, honey. So we're going get - (stops short as she enters the room and sees Kirsten) Oh, Kirsten. Kirsten: Julie. Julie: Jimmy didn't tell me you were coming by. Jimmy: She just stopped by to ask a quick... business question. Julie: A quickie, huh? Jimmy: (unimpressed) Julie. Julie: I'm kidding! So, we're off. Kaitlin needs new shoes for Cotillion. Then we're test-driving the CLK. And then I have to re-up Marissa's tennis lessons at the club, so which credit card should I use? Jimmy: (looking harassed) Uh, the Mastercard. Julie: What about the Amex? Kirsten is watching this exchange with great interest. Jimmy: Uh, no, don't use the Amex. We, uh, get the miles. Julie: (softly) Okay. (leans forward to give Jimmy a quick kiss on the cheek, then turns to leave) You two have fun. Jimmy: (when Julie's gone) Well, now that the how and why have been accounted for. Look. I - I was not... *stealing*, I was - I was *borrowing* to pay back my debts and then the market took a turn and you know, I, uh - there we are. Kirsten: You were stealing. Jimmy: I - I can't say no... to my family. I'll pay everything back. I just need that one stock. That one stock - Kirsten: Jimmy, you need help. Jimmy: (scoffs and looks defeated) Yeah, well, who's going to help me. (get up and turns away) SCENE 8 At the club. Ryan and Seth are walking together. Ryan: So, uh, what exactly happens at this rehearsal? Seth: Just, uh, stupid Cotillion stuff. Bowing, Curtsying... They walk into a hall where people are dancing. Ryan grabs Seth's arm. Peggy (from Scene 1) is counting and dancing around a little while some young couples dance together stiffly. Peggy: One two three. One two three. Try to enjoy this please. One two (continues in background) Ryan: Dancing? You didn't tell me there was dancing. Seth: Well, if I told you there's dancing, I would be here by myself right now. Ryan: Because I really... don't... dance. Seth: Uh huh. Nether do I. I just move well. (does a really weird dance, then whispers) I'll teach you that one. Huh? Maybe later. You ready? Ryan gives Seth a 'you're weird' look. Marissa: (talking to some couple, holding a clipboard) Take your places. (walking over to where Seth and Ryan are sitting) Hey guys. So, can I introduce you to your debs? Summer: (sidling up to Ryan from behind) We've... already met. Marissa: Oh well, actually, Summer, Ryan's already been promised to someone else. Summer: I can't believe this! You *gave* him to someone else? Who? Who's pathetic enough not to have a date the day before Cotillion? Anna: (coming up from behind Marissa) Actually, at this point, that would be you. Marissa: So, Anna Stern. This is Ryan Atwood. Guys, Anna just moved here from Pittsburgh. Summer: Pittsburgh? Ew. Anna: (looking a little uncomfortable) Can we just get this over with? Marissa looks proud of herself. Seth: (to Ryan) Caliente. Ryan gets up and walks next to Marissa. Marissa: Hey, it's not that bad. Ryan: You haven't seen me dance. (grimaces) Marissa: Well, I can help you. Ryan and Marissa head over to where Anna is (at the other end of the dance floor) Summer: (shouting after Marissa) So, like, what am *I* supposed to do? Seth: (coughs) Over here. Summer rolls her eyes. Seth starts whistling and swinging his legs. Summer: Fine! Let's go. Seth: (very excited) Are you sure? Because if, if, if you're not totally sure Summer: Just! Don't. Talk to me. Seth: All right. I get it. Our - Our connection is a little bit deeper than words. Summer looks nauseated. Seth: That's it. I'm done. I'm sorry. A chockfull of quiet now. (offers his arms out to her meekly) Marissa is with Ryan and Anna. Marissa: Okay. So you guys will be over here. (nudges Ryan onto the dance floor next to Anna) If you wanna go ahead and get into waltz position. (Anna and Ryan look completely lost) Which means Anna, you put your left hand on Ryan's shoulder. Anna places her palm on Ryan's shoulder. Marissa: Uhm. No. Not like that. (nudges Anna aside and stands in front of Ryan) Here. Watch. (places her hand correct) Okay? Now, Ryan, you put your right hand on my back. Ryan places his hand on her shoulder blade. Marissa: (laughs) Lower. He slides his hand down to her waist and they have a *long moment*. Marissa: (looking suddenly uncomfortable) Okay. Good. Good. Luke walks up with a guy and Holly. Luke: I'd be pretty jealous right now. (Ryan and Marissa are still in position, but turn to look at him) If Chino wasn't gay. The guy with Luke laughs. Marissa breaks out of Ryan's arms and gives Luke a look. Luke: What? No. It doesn't bother me. I mean he's born that way right. Ryan: (softly to Marissa, without looking at Luke) Thanks. I can take it from here. Marissa: Okay. (gestures for Anna to return) Ryan watches Marissa walk away. Anna: (whistles lowly) You're into her, huh? (Ryan looks down at her) Man, are you in trouble. Ryan: (with resignation) I know. Anna: Yeah. (lifts her arms) Come on. Luke and Marissa are standing together. Luke is putting on his jacket. Marissa helps him adjust his collar. Peggy: All right, darlings. Listen up. Let's review the classic waltz step. (gestures to a good looking young man) Phillip? (they start waltzing) Aaaaand One two three. One two three. One two three. One two three. Smile please. Seth and Summer are dancing stiffly. Luke and Marissa are dancing quite comfortably. Luke: (to Marissa) That kid is stalking you. Marissa: He is not! He's my neighbour. And he's not going anywhere, so you're just going to have to get used to him. Luke: What I'm never going to get used to is that kid macking on you every time I turn my back. Marissa: So, you don't trust me? They stop dancing. Luke: No. I... I don't trust anybody else. Not around you. They kiss very chastely. Ryan is watching them out of the corner of his eye. Anna is eyeing Ryan, then narrows her eyes. Anna: Wait. Are you the kid from Chino who steals cars and sets people's houses on fire? They stop dancing. Anna: So, you're saying, I'm making my debut into society with Newport's most wanted? Ryan: Is that going to be a problem? Anna: (smiles) I can't wait. Ryan shrugs and then resume dancing. SCENE 9 At Sandy's office. Kirsten and Sandy are talking, a table between them. Sandy is flipping through some files. Sandy: Absolutely NOT! As happy as I am that you came ALL the way out to my office to visit me. (walks around the table and gives Kirsten a kiss on the cheek) The answer is no. (calls out the door) Corey! I need that file on Nerodner vs. Caplin. And I, I do need that INS report on my four-thirty. (walks back to the other side of the table. Then to Kirsten) I got a two time drug offender they wanna deport. Fifteen years old. Kirsten: Sandy. He needs help. Sandy: Jimmy Cooper? He stole from his clients. He stole from his friends. And then he had the nerve to borrow a hundred thousand dollars from us to cover it up. Kirsten: He was trying to provide for his family! Sandy: Yeah. Boats. Ponies. Kirsten: So, you'll defend a two-time drug offender, but you won't defend - Sandy: Yes! My clients are kids. Who have no hope! No guidance. Nothing. (Kirsten turns her back to him) Jimmy Cooper is just another spoiled Newport brat (she turns back at this) who had everything handed to him. Kirsten: Like me? Sandy: No. Not like you! *You* would never lie. *You* would never steal. Kirsten: I would like to think that. But the truth is - there isn't anything I wouldn't do for my family. (picks up her bag) See you at home. SCENE 10 At the club. Seth and Ryan are walking out of the dance hall. Ryan: (sounding exhausted) Three hours of dancing. Seth: (happily) I feel like I could go for three more. Marissa: (coming out of the hall) Ryan! So, Anna seemed nice. I mean, I just figured - she's new and you're new, so... Ryan: Yeah. Marissa: Great. Good. Holly comes up to them and hugs Marissa. Holly: Hey, Rissa! Marissa: Hey, Hol. I was just going to tell them about the cookout tonight. Holly: Yeah. It's at my house. I do it every year for Cotillion. Seth: You didn't do it last year. Holly: Yeah, we did. Seth: (dawning upon him) Ouch. Holly: (to Marissa) See you tonight. (walks away) Seth: See you there! Ryan: Uhm. You really think that's such a good idea. (looking at Luke who's talking to the guy from before) Marissa: Yeah. I do. I mean you're living here now and there's no reason we can't all hang out, right? (starts backing away, then turns and leaves) Seth: (staring at Ryan) I can think of a reason. Ryan: Yeah. I'm not going. Seth: Wait. Dude, I don't want to go alone. Ryan: Summer's going to be there. Seth: Yeah. I'm still *going*, I'd just prefer not to go alone. Listen to me. We're like brothers now. (Ryan crosses his arms and listens intently) Okay? That means we do stuff for each other. For instance, if you do this for me, somewhere down the line, I'm going to be able to do something for you. I don't know what it's going to be yet, but it's going to be *awesome*! (Ryan looks unconvinced) Please? SCENE 11 Holly and her dad, Greg, are at a restaurant. They're picking up many bags of food. Greg: Here we are. Thank you very much. Okay. (gives Holly some bags) Here we go, sweetheart. You got that? Check, make sure we got everything. As they are walking out, Jimmy walks in. Greg: Hey! Jimmy Cooper! They shake hands. Jimmy: Hey. Greg: Just the man I wanted to see. Jimmy: Hey, Greg. Hey, Holly. Holly: Hey, Mr Cooper. Jimmy: (looking at bags) Somebody's having a party. Greg: (looking proudly at Holly) Yeah. Holly's hosting this thing for the debs out at the beach house. Jimmy: That's right. Marissa's going. Have a good time. (walks away to the pick up station of the restaurant) Greg: (gives Holly all the bags and his car keys) Honey. Take these out to the car, I'll be right there, okay? Holly: Okay. Jimmy: Hi. I'm picking up for, uh, Cooper. Greg is walking up to Jimmy. Greg: Listen, Jimmy. Uh, I haven't heard back from you. Did you get my messages? Jimmy: Oh yeah, I'm sorry. You know, work is - has been so crazy. But what's going on? Greg: Well, I've been asked to invest in this commercial real estate property. It could be a nice second income for us. Might end up our only income the way the pharmaceutical industry's going. Jimmy: That sounds - That sounds promising. Greg: Yeah. So, uhm, we're going to have to pull two hundred and fifty thousand dollars out of the investment account. Jimmy: (looks flustered) Well, I... Are you sure you want to do that? I mean, uh, with the market about to turn around. Waitress: Sir. I'm sorry, but your credit card's been declined. Jimmy: Huh. Uh. Greg is watching this with interest. Jimmy: Oh. Oh, it's a new care. You know, I forgot to activate it. Waitress: Did you want to use another card? Uh - Holly: (walking back in) Dad! I'm going to be late to my own party! Greg: Okay, honey. (then to Jimmy) Uhm, listen. I'll call you tomorrow about the details, all right? Just bring the cheque to the, uh, the Cotillion. (starts walking away) Enjoy your meal. Greg and Holly leave. Jimmy: (to waitress) Uhm. I'll just pay it with - I'll just pay it with cash. SCENE 12 Holly's beach house. The party is in full swing. Ryan and Seth walk in. Seth: Give me ten minutes to find Summer. Lock it down for tomorrow. See where the night takes me. Ryan: It'd better take you right back here in ten minutes. Seth: (walking away) Okay. Don't wait up. Summer and Holly are standing over the barbeque. Summer: Come on, Hol. I'll trade you two tickets to Jack Johnson, a massage at Burke-Williams and all the money I have on me (digs in her purse) which is... eleven dollars. Holly: Mmm. Sorry, Summer. I don't want to trade escorts. Seth: (walking up to them) Hey, Summer. Holly. Summer: What did I say about talking to me? Seth: Okay. I just - God - I just wanted to make sure that we're still on for tomorrow night. Summer: (in a pissy voice) I guess. Seth: (frustrated) Could you even pretend to be a little bit stoked? Summer glares at him. Seth: Fair enough. (to Holly) Wow, you're a really good... barbeque-sionist. Inside, Ryan is alone. He finds a couch and sits down. Luke and the guy from before are standing at the kitchen counter. They slap some pesto/dip on a chip and Luke tries to feed it to the guy, but the guy bats his hand away and the pesto/dip falls onto the floor. Marissa is watching this, unimpressed. She's sitting on a counter nearby. Scanning the crowd, she sees Ryan and Ryan sees her. She motions for him to come over to her. He shakes his head, so she walks over instead. He gets up and meets her halfway. Ryan: So, you sure you want to be seen with me? Marissa: Hey. I'm glad you came. I mean how could you possibly miss all this? Ryan smiles, then he looks over Marissa's shoulder and sees Luke glaring at them. Ryan: I'm going to go. Marissa: Hey. We're not doing anything wrong. Luke walks up to them. Luke: Well, now that you've moved in, I see you're making yourself right at home. Marissa: Luke, come on. You said you were going to try. Luke: I'm trying. I - I'm trying to understand why there's all this people here and you only want to talk to her. Marissa: Hey, I wanted to talk to him. Luke: Look, babe, why don't you go talk to Summer, all right? She looks kind of lonely. Marissa: Or you can. And I'll just stay and finish talking to Ryan. Ryan: It's okay. I'm just going to go. Marissa: No. Stay. Luke: (angrily) What are you doing? Don't tell him he can stay! Ryan: Don't tell her what to do. Luke: Thought you were leaving. (grabs Ryan's arm roughly) Why don't I just help you out? Ryan turns around and they stare each other down. Ryan: I'm not going to fight you. Luke: (looks at him) Even if I do this? (punches Ryan in the gut) Ryan falls to the ground. Marissa: (rushing forward) Luke! (crouches over Ryan) Oh my God! Are you okay? (stands up and advances on Luke) God. Luke. You're such an idiot. Marissa leaves in a huff. Luke takes off after her. Seth is next to Ryan. Seth: Wow. You just got your butt kicked. You didn't even fight back. Dude, you really are a Cohen. (Ryan glares at him, still clutching his tummy) Yeah. Let's just get you home. Seth helps Ryan up. SCENE 13 At the pool house. Ryan is sitting on his bed, reading a magazine. Seth enters the pool house, already in his tuxedo. Seth: What are you doing? Why aren't you dressed yet? Ryan: (not looking at Seth) I'm not going. Seth rolls his eyes. Ryan: Will you let Anna know. She'd probably be relieved. Seth: Are you just not going to go because you're afraid of Luke? Ryan: (still not looking up) That's not what I'm afraid of. (he looks up at Seth, who gives him a 'so what are you afraid of' look/hand gesture) Look. Your parents taking me in, it's like the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I'm not going to lose it just to kick some guy's ass. Seth: But you could though. You could kick his ass, right? Ryan: Oh yeah. Seth: Cool. (clears his throat) All right. Well. Have fun. (leaves) SCENE 14 At the Cooper house. Marissa is in her bedroom, dressed in a robe, looking at her Cotillion dress that is laid out on the bed. Julie knocks on the door, then enters. Julie: Sweetie, I need to borrow your lip-gloss. (stops when she sees the dress) Oh. I love this dress. (bends down to pick dress up) Marissa: Really. Maybe you should wear it. Julie: Hah. You're sweet. (moves in front of the mirror, holding the dress in front of her) But I think we both know that I'm no longer a size zero. Give me a few more months on the zone. Marissa: I don't think I want to go. Julie: (turns to her immediately) I'm sorry. I thought I just heard you say you don't want to go to your own Cotillion. Marissa: Look. Luke and I got in a fight last night, okay? Julie: (turning back to the mirror) So, you got into a fight. You've had fights before. You guys have been together forever. Marissa: Maybe... that's the problem. (stops) I mean what if there's someone else out there? Julie: (looks scandalized) Like who? That boy from *Chino*? Marissa is looking like 'maybe...' Julie: (lowering dress and walking towards Marissa) Marissa. Do you want to end up like your Aunt Cindy? With four kids in a trailer park? She broke my mother's heart. I will not let you break mine. Marissa: Oh, so now this is about you? Julie: (softly) No, sweetie. It's about you. What kind of future do you think you could have with that boy? Marissa: Mom! I'm *sixteen*! Julie: And the choices that you make when you're sixteen can affect your entire future. Marissa, Luke comes from a good family. If you stay with him, you'll always be comfortable. Marissa: I'm comfortable now! Julie: Nothing in life is certain. Marissa: (taken aback) What does that mean? Julie: It means that you'll put on this dress, do your hair the way I showed you and make your debut into Newport's society with Luke. Marissa: (sighs) I can't. (Julie looks livid) I'm sorry. Julie: No, you're not. But you will be. Julie hands Marissa back the dress and then leaves. SCENE 15 At the Cohen house. Sandy is sitting on a pool side lounge chair, drinking a beer. Kirsten walks out, in an evening gown. Kirsten: What are you doing? Why aren't you dressed? Sandy: I'm not going. Kirsten: What do you *mean* you're not going? Sandy: Oh. I don't feel like getting all dressed up and having to pretend that Jimmy Cooper is the O.C. golden boy. Any community that makes that guy a hero is not one I feel like being a part of right now. Kirsten looks tired. Seth walks out of the pool house. Kirsten: (to Seth) You're not going either? Seth: I wanted to leave twenty minutes ago. Kirsten: Let's go. Seth: Dad, why aren't you - Kirsten: Seth! Now! Seth gives Sandy a 'what's up?' look. Sandy just jerks his head for Seth to follow Kirsten. SCENE 16 At the Cooper house. Jimmy is sitting at his desk in his office. The phone is ringing in the background. Jimmy: Oh, I don't know. Maybe I... shouldn't go either. Julie: (very upset) What? What is wrong with this family? This is Cotillion. The most important event of the year. (looking on the verge of tears) Am I the only one who gets it? Kaitlin walks in, dressed in a pink evening gown. Kaitlin: I get it, Mommy. (she's holding a cordless) Daddy, it's Mr Fisher again. He's called like three times. Julie: (shaking her finger at Jimmy) No! We do not have time for you two to talk business. (to Kaitlin) Tell Greg, daddy will see him at the Cotillion. (to Jimmy) *Right*, Jimmy? Jimmy: (sighing heavily) All right. Come on. (stands up) We're going to be late. SCENE 17 At the club. Seth is walking into the fitting area. There are lots of dressed up couples milling around. He walks up to a small group. Seth: Do you guys know Anna Stern? The girl starts to shake her head. Anna: Seth! Anna walks up, adjusting her glove. Seth is taken with her beauty. Seth: Wow. Anna: (excitedly) You think? Seth: (walking up to her) Yes. I do. Which makes this... even harder to say. Anna, just know, that in life, there are peaks and - Anna: (disappointed) Ryan is not coming, is he? Seth: You kind of took the wind out of my sails there, but yes. Anna smiles and shrugs. Seth: Are you okay? Anna: I'll survive. Seth smiles. SCENE 18 At the Cohen house. Ryan is reading a magazine while walking to the kitchen. Inside, Sandy is just closing the fridge. Sandy: Hey! Ryan: Hey. Thought you were going to Cotillion? Sandy: I thought you were. Ryan: Yeah... No. Sandy: (eats a chip) Yeah. Me neither. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to them playing a video game together. Sandy: Wait. Which one is sword? Ryan: The one you're hitting. Sandy: Oh. Got it. Right. Ryan: Okay. Now you're stabbing me. Just don't touch any of the buttons. Follow me through the forest and, uh, maybe we'll both make it out of here alive. Sandy: So, you didn't feel like going, huh? Ryan: (a little distracted by the game) Yeah... No. Not really for me. Sandy: What - Waltzing and orchids? What could be more you? Ryan: Guess I don't really fit in, huh? Sandy: Oh. I got news for you. Nobody does. I guarantee you, every single person at that Cotillion feels like a fraud. They've all got secrets and they're all terrified that the guy next door's going to find them out. Ryan: What's your secret? Sandy: (shrugs) Sometimes, when the sun's coming up and the surf is good... and I haven't pissed my wife off quite as much as I have today, I kind of like this place. Ryan: (turns to look at him) You just stabbed me again. Sandy: Ooh. (looks at his controller) Sorry. SCENE 19 At the club. Summer is on the cell. Summer: I can't believe you're not coming. Marissa is still at home in her robe. Marissa: It's just... after the whole Luke and Ryan thing last night... (shrugs) I don't feel... Summer: Coop. (softly) Ryan isn't even here. Marissa: He's not? (recovers) Ah well, even so. I'm just not up for it. Summer sighs, turns off the cell phone and swivels around to where Luke and Julie are standing together. Summer: She's not coming. Luke: So what did I get all dressed up for? Summer gets a 'welllll' look. Marissa is sitting on her bed, playing with her dress. At the club. Anna and Seth are sitting together. Anna: I mean, whatever you think of the whole superhero movie genre, at least it's getting people to read the original source material. Seth: I can not believe that you read comic books. I... you're a girl! Anna: What is that supposed to mean? And I call them graphic novels. (Seth does a 'I know' gesture) In fact, if more people did maybe the form wouldn't be so marginalized. Seth: I couldn't agree more. They both laugh lightly. Summer walks up and Seth stands up to greet her. Seth: Hey, Summer. You ready. You look just... great. Summer: So, listen, uhm. (looks uncomfortable) Seth: You, uhm. You found another date. Summer: Yeah. It's kind of an emergency, but you're off the hook. Sorry. Seth: No, it's, it's, uhm - Summer's already walked away. Seth looks very upset. Seth: (mumbling) It's fine. He storms off, with Anna looking at him leave. SCENE 20 At the Cohen house. The doorbell rings. Ryan answers it and finds Marissa at the door. Ryan: Hey. Marissa: Hey. Ryan: You - You're not at that Cotillion. Marissa: Neither are you. Ryan does a 'well, no, I'm not' thing with his eyes. Marissa: Look. I hope you didn't not go because of last night or... because of me. Ryan: (doesn't quite know how to respond to that) How come you're not going? Marissa tries to answer, then just shrugs. Ryan: So, you think just hiding out, staying home, is going to make everything better? Marissa: Seems to be working for you. (then she gets a mischievous smile) I'll go if you go. Inside, Sandy is still playing the video game very excitedly. Sandy: Ryan, come on! Check this out! I have totally annihilated all the other ninjas! Ryan and Marissa walk in together. Sandy: I'm already on to the... (trails off when he sees Marissa) Marissa. Hello. Marissa: Hey. Ryan: (looking nervous) So, we're going to go... to Cotillion. Sandy just stares at him. Ryan does a little head jerk. Sandy: Well, I'll get the car. SCENE 21 At the club. Lots of adults in evening outfits are hanging around. Jimmy is reading a program. Greg walks up to him. Greg: Hey, Jimmy! There you are. Jimmy: Hey, Greg. How are you doing? They shake hands. Greg: I'll be a lot better once I get that cheque. Get this property deal close. Get my wife off my back. Jimmy: I don't have it. Greg: What do you mean you don't have it? What? Did you forget it? Jimmy: Look. This isn't really the time or place. Why don't you stop by the office tomorrow and we'll talk about it? Greg: (confused and upset) Talk about it? Talk about *what*? Jimmy sees Marissa walking in with Ryan and Sandy. Jimmy: Excuse me. (takes off after Marissa) Greg: Jimmy - In the fitting area. Julie is talking to Summer and Luke. She sees Marissa walking in. Julie: I don't believe it. Ryan talks softly to Marissa and gestures like he's going to go change. Marissa nods and smiles. Luke stalks towards Marissa. Luke: You told Summer you weren't coming. Now you're here with him! Marissa: No. Ryan and I aren't here together - Luke: (cutting her off) No. No. No! I'm not an idiot! Ryan: (walking up to them) Then listen to her and stop acting like one. Luke: What did you say? Ryan: Look, I - Luke: No, no! (shoves Ryan in the chest, Marissa tries to placate him) What did you say!? Come on. Tell me what you said! Marissa: Stop it! Luke: (looking like he's going to cry) I'm over this. We're done. (takes off) Shortly after, Julie and Marissa are talking while Ryan is watching them from afar. Anna walks up to Ryan. Anna: Hey! Look who decided to show up. Oh, don't worry about it. Your hit man already took care of it. I didn't feel a thing! Ryan: (looking sincerely sorry) I'm here now. If you want to, uh - Anna: (sniffles dramatically) No. Too late. You missed your shot. (looks at Marissa and Julie) I guess you'll have to go with Princess Mononoke over there. Ryan: What are you going to do? Anna: Oh, so *now* you care? (winks at him) Go! Julie: (to Marissa) Ugh, Marissa, if you'd just stuck to the original plan. (Marissa sighs) I'm sorry. Do you want me to have Daddy go find - Marissa: No, Mom! Julie: You can't make your debut without an escort. Ryan: (walking up) I hear there's a white night available. Julie: (looking at Ryan condescendingly) Well, it's very nice of you to offer, but... I don't think it's appropriate. Marissa: (smiles happily at Ryan, then declares) I'll go get dressed. (takes off) Ryan leaves too, leaving Julie simmering unhappily. Outside in the hallway. Seth is sitting on the floor, curled up with his arms around his knees. Anna: (walking up to him) Could you *be* any more pathetic? A lone figure, sitting on the floor, wondering if he's going to be lonely for the rest of his life. Seth: (gets up, crossing his arms in front of his chest defensively) Oh. Your sensitivity it's really, uh... non-existant. Anna: (stalks up to him) You know what your problem is? You're not a man. Seth: (nods) Again. Not appreciating the brutal honesty. Anna: Do you know what girls find sexy? Seth: (sarcastically) Uh. Wait. Let me guess. Dudes who play water polo? Anna: Confidence! Watch this. (slides up real close to him) Seth. Seth: (nervously) Yes? Anna: I don't have a date to the Cotillion. Would you be my escort? Seth: (totally nervous) I - I mean - I, uh - Anna: (brushing imaginary lint off his shoulder) Confidence, Cohen. Seth: (nods) Let's do this. In the back, all the girls are lined up. Julie is walking down the line. Julie: Hair's good. Make up's good. Very nice. Stand up straight. Gum please. Summer is complaining to Holly. Summer: How did this happen? How did I go from having three dates to Cotillion to having none?! Holly: (barely paying attention, adjusting her gloves) I'm sorry, girl. That blows. Summer sighs, then catches sight of Seth walking in with Anna. Summer: (walking up to Seth with a bright smile on her face) Good news! I'm available again! Seth: You are. Anna looks at him. And he looks back. Seth: No. No. (does a weird dance) We're going to go this way. No. He and Anna walk away. Outside in the ballroom, Kirsten is reading the program at a table. Sandy walks up and sits next to her. Sandy: Oh. Five hundred channels and nothing on. Kirsten: You couldn't put on a tux? Sandy: Pick your battles, honey. On the stage, Peggy is with a microphone. Peggy: Good evening, everyone. And welcome to the forty-seventh annual Newport Beach Debutant Cotillion. (applause) In the fitting area, both Ryan and Marissa step out of changing rooms. Marissa: Hey. (they walk up to each other) Are you ready to make your debut? Ryan smiles nervously. Cut to Marissa running up to meet the line of debutants. Peggy: Holly Fisher. Daughter of Greg and Marianne Fisher. Ryan joins the line of escorts behind Seth. Greg walks up on stage and hands Holly over to her escort (there's bowing and curtsying). Peggy: Anna Stern. Daughter of Cameron and Patricia Stern. Anna walks up onto the stage, greets her dad. Seth comes up to get her. Kirsten and Sandy are applauding loudly. Anna and Seth walk down to the dance floor. Anna places her bouquet on a table with other bouquets. Peggy: Marissa Cooper. Daughter of James and Julie Cooper. Jimmy is on the stage with Marissa. Jimmy: I love you, kiddo. Marissa: I love you too, Daddy. Julie looks proud. Ryan comes up, bows. Marissa curtsies back. She drops off her bouquet and they walk to the end of the dance floor. Peggy: And now, ladies and gentlemen. Please join me in congratulating this year's debutants. More applause. A waltz starts up. Marissa and Ryan start dancing. Everyone is dancing as the crowd looks on. Jimmy as well. Greg: (walking up to Jimmy) We never finished our conversation. I got to tell you, Jimmy, you got me a little concerned. Jimmy: Believe me. It's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow. (jerks his head at the dance floor) Don't the girls look beautiful? Ryan: (softly to Marissa) I hate dancing. Marissa: Wow. Thanks. Ryan: Oh no. Uhm. With you it's - it's (hey laugh nervously) not horrible. Marissa: You're sweet. Anna: (to Seth) Are you leading? Seth: I'm trying. Anna: Oooh. Attitude. I like that. Greg is still trying to talk to Jimmy. Greg: I - I've already put an offer, okay? I've got a mortgage on the house. The kids are in private school. Now, if there is problem, I need to know about it. Jimmy: Now. Is not the time. Greg: Jimmy! Where's my money? (Jimmy doesn't answer) I asked you a question - where's my money? Jimmy: Look. I didn't want you to find out this way, but I don't have it. Greg: What?! Jimmy: I will. But I don't have it right now. Greg: (getting loud) Well, if you don't have my money, then who has it? Jimmy: Shhh. Look. (pulls Greg away) I promise I'm working on it, all right? There's been some bad investments, some bad accounting - Greg: Whoa, whoa! Are you telling me you lost everything? Jimmy: All right. Will you just keep it down? Greg: No, I'm not going to keep it down. That is my money! That is my retirement! My kids tuition. Jimmy: I'm sorry - Greg punches Jimmy in the face. Greg: You son of a bitch! Julie gets up in alarm. Greg is pounding Jimmy. Everyone stops and stares. Marissa: Oh my God! Greg: You thief! You took my money! Greg has Jimmy pinned to the floor and is punching him. Sandy gets up and pulls Greg off. Greg punches Sandy in the face. Ryan lunges forward and pins Greg to the ground. Greg: Get off me! (tries to get to Jimmy) You're a thief! You're a thief! Sandy and someone else help restrain Greg. Greg: Get off me! (shakes Sandy and other guy off) He's a thief! Sandy: Leave. Now. Greg: You're a thief. Julie looks mortified. Greg: (to everyone) He's a thief! Marissa: (crouching over Jimmy) Dad. Julie is at the table, a hand over her face. Someone: Take it outside. Come on! Later. The police are talking to people. Kirsten and Sandy are sitting at a table. Sandy has an icepack to his face. Kirsten: I haven't seen you in a fight since... never. Sandy: Now you know why. Kirsten: What are you talking about? He sucker punched you. You didn't have to jump in like that. Defend Jimmy. Sandy: Eh. I always had this thing for the underdog. Kirsten smiles. Sandy: After I fill out the police report, maybe we should go over and see how he's doing. Kirsten laughs a little. Ryan: (walking up to them) Hey. So, uh... sorry, I... I know I promised I wouldn't get into any fights. Sandy: I think we can make an exception in this case. (looks to Kirsten for confirmation. She smiles. Then to Ryan) The police, however, are going to have some questions. And as your attorney, I advice you - get out of here. Ryan: Thanks. (starts walking away) Seth: (walking up to Ryan) Hey. Uhm. You don't mind if I walk your date home, do you? They both look at Anna who is waiting in the sidelines. Ryan: No. Seth: Cool. That's quite a little debut you had tonight. You really know how to present yourself. Finally, a Cohen who can throw it down. (pokes Ryan in the stomach. Ryan cringes) You want to come with us? Ryan: (glances at Anna) Uh. I'll just see you at home. Seth: See you at home. Ryan walks away. Seth and Anna walk together. Seth: So, do you think I, uh, could get to see you again? Anna: Mm. No. Seth: Well. Okay. Anna: No. It's just. I know this might sound kind of... wha

Now that Ryan is staying with the Cohens, he must attend the Cotillion Ball , where Newport's finest young ladies enter society. Luke's jealousy results in Ryan escorting Marissa. Jimmy becomes a suspect of a fraud investigation and Holly's dad decides to confront him at the Ball in front of everyone.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_05x01

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_05x01_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] VARIOUS INTERCUT FLASHES OF [INT. DANCE CLUB - DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT] [INT. DANCE CLUB - DANCE FLOOR -- NIGHT] (The club is filled with people at the bar, on the dance floor.) [INT. PALERMO -- HOTEL ROOM - BEDROOM - NIGHT] (The woman walks out of the bathroom in her underwear. The man sits on the bed in his shirts and shorts. The woman walks purposefully toward the man. She smiles at him.) (She pushes him back on the bed and kisses him.) [INT. DANCE CLUB - DANCE FLOOR -- NIGHT] (The club is rocking. At the front door, a man walks through and the metal detector beeps. The Security Guard stops him.) Security Guard: Whoa-whoa-whoa. What the hell is that? (The Security Guard searches the Man and finds a switchblade knife on him. He opens it to show him. He confiscates the knife and lets the man through.) (The Security Guard motions to the next man in line.) Security Guard: Come on. (The Next Man in Line walks through the metal detector. The Security Guard motions to the next person in line.) Security Guard: All right. Keep coming. FLASH TO: [EXT. DESERT - NIGHT] (Two people on motor bikes stop. They take off their helmets. One Man takes out a gun and fires three shots at the nearest sign. The sign reads: WARNING RESTRICTED AREA It is unlawful to enter this area without permission of the installation commander. While on this installation, all persons and the property under their control are subject to search. MILITARY INSTALLATION Sec 27. Internal Security Act of 1957: U.S.C. 797 ) (The second man takes out his gun to fire. He aims and takes a couple steps forward and bumps into a body on the ground.) Man: What the -- ? (They both look down and see the body on the ground.) FLASH TO: [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. HOTEL ROOM - BEDROOM -- NIGHT] (A man sits down on the bed. He's crying.) (In the bathroom, the faucet is on filling the tub up with water.) (The man continues to cry.) FLASH TO: [INT. DANCE CLUB - DANCE FLOOR -- NIGHT] (A person lights a match and sets a Polaroid photo on fire. He holds it up and lets the photo burn.) (A man in a cap walks up to the doorway and greets the Man in a Suit familiarly.) Manny Brazil: Yo, Space! Space: My brother! Manny Brazil (club Owner): Yo, yo, Man! (Sirens start to blare.) Space: Yo, man. When's the blitz? (Sirens in the club blare and get louder. The Man in the Suit turns around and smiles.) Manny Brazil (club Owner): Right on time. (The stage lights turn on and the club is filled with music. The crowd starts to dance where they stand.) (As the music plays, the GUNMAN holding the burning photo takes out a gun, points it at a man nearby and shoots.) (The Man falls down to the club floor.) (The GUNMAN raises the gun and fires at the disco ball up above. He puts a hole in it. It bursts and sparks. The women in the club start screaming.) [BULLET IN FLESH] (Quick CGI POV of: The bullet embedded in flesh. The camera moves slowly backward out from the bullet and pulls back out through the flesh and out through the DEAD MAN'S forehead.) (Camera holds on the dead man on the floor with a single bullet gunshot hole in the center of his forehead.) [RESUME VIEW] (Brass looks down at the body and reports to Grissom also standing nearby looking down at the body.) Brass: So witnesses heard multiple gunshots. (He looks at Grissom.) They think. Because if it was during the Blitz. You know, the lights were out, sirens were going off, search lights, the whole world war ii experience. Grissom: When exactly did war become a party? (Brass shrugs.) (Someone's pager beeps. Both Brass and Grissom check their pagers. Grissom's pager beeps. He checks it and sees: N419PC 5311 SEPHILL RD. LAS VEGAS, NV BODY FOUND (Grissom and Brass kneel down next to the body. Grissom points to the burn mark near the skin.) Grissom: Gunshot residue, close range. (Brass picks up the discarded shell off the floor.) Brass: .32 auto. Belly got it. (The metal detector beeps. Grissom looks back and sees an Officer stepping through the door.) Grissom: How'd they get it through the metal detector? Brass: Well, uh ... (Brass's phone rings.) Brass: Oh, geez. (He checks his phone.) Brass: I'll tell you, it's a busy night. (Grissom finds the burned photo under the dead body. He smells the photo.) Grissom: This was burned. (He looks at the photo and sees that it's the photo of a dead body - with the head part burned off. Grissom shows the photo to Brass.) Brass: Another body? (Grissom looks at the photo and notes the blood on the floor in the room near the body's feet.) Grissom: Another murder. SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Greg walks through the hallway with Chandra Moore, the new DNA Technician - his replacement.) Greg: So, there's good news and there's bad news. The bad news is this is the busiest lab in the country. Chandra Moore: That's why I'm here. Greg: Oh, I've waited for you forever. I love you! Nick: (o.s.) Man, if I ever have to search another torched car ... (Nick walks into the hallway. He's wearing coveralls and irritated as heck.) Greg: Nick! (Nick stops and looks back. Greg makes the introductions.) Greg: This is Chandra. Chandra Moore: Chandra Moore. Nick: Oh, yeah. Yeah, the new DNA girl. Right? (He holds out his hand. She holds out hers. He bumps fists with her. A strange, new ritual for her.) Chandra Moore: B.S. in bio-chem. M.S. in molecular biology. Five years of service in DNA at the CCL. (She smiles. Nick doesn't appear all that impressed.) Nick: O-kay, well, I'm going to go use the no-pressure, no-AC, stinks-of-feet shower. So ... welcome. (Nick turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM -- NIGHT] [CLOSE-UP: SARA] (Sara sighs.) Sara: So I had some time to think while I was away. Enough time to figure out why I made such a stupid mistake. I-I do not have a drinking problem. I have a, uh, me problem. (Different angle. We see Sara talking to her reflection in the locker mirror - "rehearsing".) Sara: My P.E.A.P. Counselor suggested that it would be a good idea for me to talk to my supervisor and that's you, Grissom, so ... I never told you about my family. I never told anyone about my family, why would I ... Greg: (interrupts) Sara? (Sara turns around and finds Greg and Chandra standing outside the locker room looking in from the hallway. Sara stands up.) Greg: I want you to meet my replacement. This is Chandra. Sara: Nice to meet you, Chandra. Chandra Moore: Likewise. (But not really. After a beat, Greg smiles at Sara. Chandra starts looking around the area waiting for Greg to move on.) Greg: (to Sara) So, how was it? Sara: How was what? Greg: Well, you took some vacation time, right? Sara: Yeah, right. It was great. (Chandra looks completely bored and not interested in Sara.) Greg: Yeah? Okay. (Greg motions for Chandra to follow him. Chandra nods at Sara - then follows.) (Sara smiles back somewhat.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Greg walks up to someone.) Greg: Hey, how was it? (Warrick walks up to them. He's wearing a suit, the tie loosened as if he's just come back from court.) Warrick: It sucked. I hate lawyers, I hate court. They all need to dry up and die. (He looks at Chandra.) Hi. (Chandra perks up.) Chandra Moore: Warrick, right? Warrick: Yeah. Chandra Moore: I saw your presentation on longitudinal striations of the toenail in Dallas, A.A.F.S.? Really good work. Warrick: Thank you. Thank you so much. And you are? Chandra Moore: Oh, I'm Chandra. Chandra Moore. (Warrick glances at Greg.) I'm the new DNA person. Greg: Well, that's the plan anyway. Would you like to see the boss's office? (Greg leads Chandra away. She lingers wanting to talk more with Warrick, completely impressed by him.) Warrick: Good luck. Chandra Moore: Thank you. Warrick: Nice to meet you. (Warrick walks away.) Chandra Moore: Same. (Greg heads over to Grissom's office.) [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] Greg: Grissom ... I'd like to introduce you to Chandra Moore. (Grissom turns around. He's wearing a hard hat-type of gizmo with a eye-glass piece attachment on the left side so he can look through it.) Chandra Moore: Pleased to meet you, sir. I'm a fan. (Grissom looks up and down at Chandra through the eye piece.) (Quick POV of: Grissom is looking at Chandra's heat print. Resume back to Grissom.) Grissom: You're hot. Chandra Moore: (startled) I-I'm sorry? Grissom: You're emanating heat. (Grissom takes the hat off.) This is a new infrared camera. It's good for looking at evidence in the dark. (to Greg) Did you get her blood yet? Chandra Moore: My... (startled) ... why? Grissom: So many reasons. Catherine: (o.s.) Grissom! (Catherine walks into the office, walks past Greg and Chandra and straight up to Grissom.) (exasperated) You can't possibly call that thing my office. It's a cupboard. Grissom: Catherine, have you met Chandra Moore? She'll be doing DNA while Greg's in the field. (Catherine hardly glances back at Chandra.) Catherine: Hello, I'm Catherine. (to Grissom) We need to talk. (Grissom puts his glasses on and picks up a stack of assignment sheets.) Grissom: Well, not now-- too much work. You have a suspicious death at the Palermo. (He hands the assignment sheet to Catherine. She glares at him, grabs the sheet, turns and walks out of the office. Warrick walks into the office.) Grissom: Warrick, trash call at a weekly at Fremont and 12th. (Nick and Sara wait in the doorway for their assignments.) Grissom: Nick, Sara, body in a shallow grave, dry lake bed, in Ely, off Groom Lake Road. (Grissom hands the assignment sheet to Nick. He takes it and looks at it.) Nick: All right. (to Sara) I'll meet you there. Grissom: Greg, you're going to be with me, your final proficiency. (Grissom holds out the assignment sheet to Greg.) Greg: Great. (to Chandra) Let me show you to your new digs. (Greg leads Chandra out of the office. As he passes by, Warrick wishes him luck.) Warrick: (to Greg) Good luck. Grissom: (to Greg) We leave in five minutes! Greg: (o.s.) Okay. (Sara lingers just outside the doorway.) Sara: Can I talk to you real quick? Grissom: Certainly. Have you been seeing your P.E.A.P. Counselor? Sara: (nods) Yeah. Grissom: How's it going? Sara: Well, it's been interesting. (There's a loud crash from the DNA lab. Glass breaks. Sara and Grissom look back at the lab and Greg looks sheepishly back at them through the glass wall. He points back at the mess.) Sara: (to Grissom) It's going to be a busy night, huh? Grissom: Mmm. Sara: We'll talk later. (Sara starts to leave. Oh, look, the white assignment board is back.) Grissom: Are you sure? Sara: (nods) Yeah, yeah. (Sara leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [INT. PALERMO - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT] (Catherine pushes the hotel room door open and walks in. The suspect is covered in blood and yelling at Det. Vartann and an officer as Forensics tries to take a picture of the blood-soaked clothes.) Carl Johnson: I don't remember, okay? Why don't you believe me? CARL JOHNSON: I swear to god! I did nothing to that woman. I have never seen her before. Det. Vartann: Relax, relax. (Catherine looks into the bedroom and sees the dead woman on the bed. There's blood everywhere.) Det. Vartann: Let's just go over this again. Carl Johnson: All right, let's go over it again. Det. Vartann: Tell me what you remember. Carl Johnson: Nothing. That's what I remember -- nothing. Det. Vartann: That's it? Carl Johnson: (to Forensics) Stop taking my picture! Det. Vartann: Sir, wait here. (Det. Vartann leaves the suspect and walks over to Catherine.) Det. Vartann: Hey. Catherine: Hey. Det. Vartann: Housecleaning found Mr. Johnson passed out on the bed next to the victim. They alerted security and apparently he just came to. Catherine: With the worst hangover a guy could ever have. Det. Vartann: Yeah. He's a golf ball salesman from Ohio. (Catherine steps closer to the bed.) Catherine: Massive hemorrhaging. (She puts her kit down on the floor.) Catherine: Is this from a single wound? Cracked skull. Did you I.D. her? Det. Vartann: No I.D. on her. Catherine: Well, she's got some breast implants. That's for sure. (Catherine picks up the clear, see-through hand bag on the bed-side table.) Catherine: I'm going to guess stripper. She's got a locker room key. (The key number is #323.) Catherine: We'll trace it back to the club. (Det. Vartann looks around the room and notes the open refrigerator and alcohol.) Det. Vartann: Quite a party last night. Catherine: You can say that again. (Catherine walks into the bathroom and sees more blood on the wall. She also finds the bathrod with some hair stuck to the bloodied tip.) (Quick flash to: [EARLIER] Carl Johnson and The Stripper fight. Carl Johnson swings and hits the Stripper across the head. She staggers out of the bathroom, her head bloodied.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Catherine looks around the room and back to the body on the bed.) Catherine: Looks like she went back into the bedroom to call for help. (Det. Vartann checks his notes.) Det. Vartann: Well, no calls were made from the room. (Catherine looks around and takes a closer look at the toilet. She finds the urine on the floor in front of the bowl.) Catherine: Why is it you guys can never hit the bowl? Det. Vartann: You know, if this guy took viagra, you're lucky he hit the floor and not the ceiling. (Det. Vartann looks up at the ceiling.) Catherine: Right. (Catherine picks up the bracelet found in the urine puddle. She holds it up.) Det. Vartann: Sign of a struggle? Catherine: How does a guy fall asleep after killing a woman? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DANCE CLUB -- NIGHT] (Brass questions the Club Manager as the Coroners put the body on the gurney.) Brass: How does somebody get into your club with a gun? Manny Brazil (club Owner): Don't ask me; ask the metal detector. It's supposed to work. (He takes a sip of his drink.) Brass: Ever see the dead guy before? Manny Brazil (club Owner): No, not me. (He turns around and looks at the girl talking with the two officers.) Hey, Crystal! Hey, baby, you talk to the guy that got capped in your section tonight? Crystal: No. (Brass's pager goes off. Grissom and Greg walk into the club.) Brass: Hey, Gil. Wait. You've got something stuck to your shoe. (beat) Oh, no, it's just Sanders. (Greg glances back at Brass. David Phillips stops in front of Grissom to report.) David Phillips: Hey, I went through his pockets. No wallet, no I.D. Uh ... just some cash and these car keys. (David hands the plastic bag to Grissom.) David Phillips: It's a rental. Grissom: Thanks, David. (Greg looks around the club as Grissom checks the car keys out. The tag reads: THRIFT-RIGHT CAR RENTAL ) Greg: I never seen this place with the lights on before. It's kind of like seeing a one-night stand in the morning for the first time. (Grissom glances back at Greg.) Greg: (clarifies) Beer goggles. Grissom: This is your proficiency test, Greg. You might want to work the scene. What do you see? Greg: Chaos. Grissom: Look a little closer. (Grissom shines the flashlight down on the floor. Greg quickly turns on his flashlight too and looks down at the floor.) Greg: Cartridge casings. (He walks and looks around the area.) (Cut to: Greg looks up at the ceiling.) Greg: Bullet impact. Grissom: We haven't recovered the gun yet, so ... ? (Greg sighs.) Greg: Victim was shot at close range ... in a crowd. Witnesses say there was a stampede. It's a good time to ditch a gun. Maybe it's still here. Grissom: Good. (Grissom turns and heads for the door. Greg appears surprised.) Greg: Where are you going? Grissom: Don't worry about me; worry about you. It's going to be a long night. (Grissom turns and leaves Greg standing in the center of the crime scene.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] (Warrick's SUV turns into the parking lot.) [INT. TOD MOTOR MOTEL - HALLWAY TO ROOM - NIGHT] (Warrick holds his flashlight up to light his way through the darkened hallway.) (Det. Cavaliere and the Super both walk up to him.) Det. Cavaliere: Hey, power went out about an hour ago. Super: I checked the circuit box. Blown fuse, room 39. That's when I found him. (The Super turns and heads back to Room 39. Warrick starts to follow the Super.) Warrick: All right. (One of the motel room doors open.) Female Tenant: Hey! We need some AC. I got kids in here. Det. Cavaliere: We're working on it, ma'am. We'll have someone up very soon, okay? (The Detective follows them.) [INT. TOD MOTOR MOTEL - ROOM 39 - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (The Super walks into the bathroom door and points to the bathtub.) (Warrick walks in and sees the man in the bathtub, the water up to his neck, the hot plate down at his feet.) Warrick: Well, there's what blew your fuse. Det. Cavaliere: Hot plate? Electrocution. That's a quick way to go. Warrick: Not always. (Warrick snaps a couple of photos of the body.) Super: That's hardly our first suicide. Warrick: You think it's a suicide? Super: Oh, come on, this loser? He's been here four weeks. He only paid for two. Wore the same clothes every day. No family, no friends. Det. Cavaliere: You got a name? Super: Lance "I'll have it for you tomorrow" Frazer. I was going to throw him out in the morning. (The overhead lights go back on.) Super: Oh, thank god. (Warrick checks the dead body's wrists and finds scars.) Warrick: Yeah, he's got some old school suicide scars. (Warrick snaps a photo.) Super: Told you. Loser. Det. Cavaliere: Looks like he was getting ready to skip town on you. (Det. Cavaliere looks around the bedroom.) (The Super sees the open suitcase.) (Quick flash to: [NIGHT] Lance Frazer sits on his bed and cries.) (He sees the hot plate on the television set.) (Cut to: He sits down in the bathtub and holds the hot plate over the water.) (He drops the hot plate in the water.) (He groans.) (Quick CGI POV to: The camera follows the electrical current through the wiring in the hot plate. It sizzles as it follows the lines.) (The current hits the water and we hear gurgling. The water bubbles and sizzles.) (The camera travels out from the hot plate through the water and up to Lance Fraser who spazzes as he's being electrocuted.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) (Det. Cavaliere looks through the suitcase and finds a bible. He puts the bible down and opens it. Warrick steps out of the bathroom and watches him.) Warrick: For inspiration or for last rites? (Det. Cavaliere looks at Warrick.) (Warrick picks up Lance Fraser's trousers and shakes it. We hear the jingling of coins in his pants pockets.) (Warrick pulls out the wallet from the pocket. He hands it to Det. Cavaliere. The Det. checks the wallet.) Det. Cavaliere: Wallet's empty. (The Super stands nearby and watches.) (Warrick empties the pockets.) Warrick: Pack of cigarettes, sweetener, and a hot dog wrapper. Det. Cavaliere: Doesn't add up to much. (Warrick turns and looks around the room. He sees the fake flower lei on the bedside table. Something he recognizes, perhaps.) Warrick: I wouldn't be so sure. (Warrick raises the camera and takes a photo of the lei.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEVADA DESERT (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. DRY LAKE BED, ELY OFF GROOM LAKE ROAD -- DAY] (Sara ducks under the tape Nick holds up for her.) Sara: You are so late. What happened to you? Nick: I'm late? (Det. Travis walks up to them.) Det. Travis: Sara Sidle and Nick Stokes. Nick: Yeah. (He introduces himself.) Det. Travis: Detective Travis. I'm ex-LAPD homicide. Sara: Nice to meet you. Det. Travis: Nice to meet you. (Just outside the crime scene tape are a group of people holding up signs.) Sara: Who are these people? Det. Travis: Uh, concerned citizens. Come on, right this way, please. (Det. Travis leads them to the site. Sara turns back and looks at the people protesting. A couple of them are dressed in silver space suits complete with helmets.) Det. Travis: The weather's been pretty bad out here. I don't know if you're going to find much. A couple of teenagers were out here last night shooting off their dads' guns. One of them ... tripped over this thing. (They reach the grave site.) Nick: These kids thought they'd found a real space alien. Det. Travis: Yeah, we were the second call they made. The first one was to Dan Rather ... who I don't think is coming. Sara: Who called in the space people? Det. Travis: From what I understand, they're always out here. See this guy in the silver lam ? He put it on the "watch the skies" web site. It's been a freaking free-for-all ever since then. You know where you are, right? (He points to his right, a vast expanse of dry land.) Sara: Area 51. Det. Travis: It's the most secretive piece of real estate in the world. This is about as close to the base as we can get and still be on public land. (Nick sees something. He walks over to the side and snaps a photo.) Det. Travis: I guess the killer should've dug a deeper hole. Nick: Not with a short-handled shovel. (He picks up the shovel and shows it to them.) Sara: Not to mention Nevada Desert is compact dirt, not sand. People usually give up before they hit three feet. Nick: Got some paint ... maybe. Something for Hodges. One thing's for sure: It's going to take a lot longer getting him out than it did getting him in. Det. Travis: Can't you guys just beam him back to the morgue? (Sara turns and looks at Nick. Nick smiles and shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PALERMO -- NIGHT] (Catherine dusts for fingerprints as Det. Vartann continues to question Carl Johnson.) Carl Johnson: I-I-I don't know how many times you want to ask me. I woke up this morning like this. Well, the handcuffs are new. Det. Vartann: Anything you want to add? (Catherine finds a print.) Carl Johnson: No, I don't want to add anything! Det. Vartann: You don't remember anything? Carl Johnson: No, you know what? For the last time, I don't remember, okay? Det. Vartann: Okay. Carl Johnson: She ... she must have slipped me something. (Catherine steps out of the bathroom. She takes her gloves off.) Catherine: You sure it wasn't the booze? Carl Johnson: I don't touch mini bars. That bitch drugged me. Catherine: Well, if she drugged you, sir, it'll still be in your system. A blood test would be in your best interest. [EXT. ROOFTOP PARKING LOT - DAY] (Grissom walks up to the car and uses the car rental key to turn the car off.) (He opens the door and looks inside. He photographs the answering machine inside. He sees there are nine messages.) (He opens the back door and finds some cord on the car floor. He snaps a photo of it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NIGHT CLUB - DAY] (Various dissolves of Greg looking around the bar. He works from the back and makes his way forward.) (Greg stands on the outside of the railing. He sees something inside the light container. He reaches inside and pulls out the gun.) (He opens the cartridge.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Catherine walks into the room.) Robbins: Her mother's coming from Reno to claim her. Catherine: I know. Vartann called. Nicole Richards, 25. Her stage name is Raven. We traced the locker room key to the Embassy Strip Club. Your turn. Robbins: Sharp-force laceration to the frontal scalp with underlying fracture to the frontal calvarium. Cause of death, contusion to the brain and subdural hemorrhaging. Tox screen pegged her alcohol content at .30. Catherine: That's almost four times the legal limit. Robbins: Chronic drinking tends to cause a reduction in platelets. It thins out the blood and retards clotting. Catherine: That would explain why there was so much blood at the scene. Robbins: The only other thing I found ... was a swollen ankle. (Robbins lifts up the sheet to show Catherine the black and blue ankles.) Catherine: Well, you ever try shaking your ass in four-inch heels? (beat) Don't answer that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - ROOM 2 - DAY] (David Phillips washes his hands at the sink in the eerily quiet autopsy room. Static and electronic crackling is heard. David stops and turns to look at the "alien" body on the examining table in the next room. Not hearing it, he continues to wash his hands.) (Again, he hears crackling and static sounds that are definitely coming from the body in the next room.) (David turns the faucet off and wipes his hand with a tissue. He slowly walks over to the check on the body. He walks up to the glass and stares at the body on the table.) (He doesn't hear anything. He chuckles softly to himself, turns and takes a step away from the body.) (The crackling, static-y noises resume.) (David turns around. It's definitely coming from the body on the table in the next room.) (David walks over to check it out.) (He walks up to the body and leans in very, very close.) (The feedback resumes.) Sara: (o.s.) We think it's a hearing aid. (Sara's standing right behind him. David stands up, startled, but tries to be cool about it.) David Phillips: Good. Yeah. Sara: Yeah. It's out of juice. David Phillips: Yeah. Nick: Hearing aids have unique serial numbers, Super Dave. (Nick leans in close and blows at the body's ear. He removes the hearing aid. The number reads: CN Resound 710.) (Nick drops the hearing aid in a metal tray. David puts it aside.) Nick: If you get this to Detective Travis, he should be able to run it down for us. (That done, they go over the body.) David Phillips: Arachnodactyly. Abnormally long fingers. Sara: Hmm. (Sara removes the watch from the dead body's wrist. She looks at it. It's a Seiko watch.) Sara: David, I know where he's from. Nick: Hmm? Sara: Planet Seiko. (She flips the watch over to show the inscription on the back.) E.T. Nick: You've got to be kidding me. (Nick finds a slip of paper tucked in the dead body's clothing.) Nick: Oh, you're going to love this. (reading) "Like a blinding supernova, your love is blasted throughout the universe. Two spirits become one by the power of the sun, the moon, and all the planets of the universe." (Sara finds the edge of the dead body's mask. She lifts it up and reads the imprint on the underside of the mask: PROPERTY OF BIG CITY COSTUMES.) Sara: Big City Costumes. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Grissom is working on the Polaroid, digitized and in the computer. He grids the photo on the monitor. Greg walks into the lab.) Greg: Hey, Grissom. Is that the burnt Polaroid from the nightclub? Grissom: Yeah. I just scanned it in. Greg: Bobby Dawson confirms that this .32 auto from the club is indeed the murder weapon. He's running it through NCIC and pawn shops. (Greg hands the gun in the plastic bag to Grissom. Grissom sees something on the gun.) Grissom: What's this blue stuff on the slide and the grip? (Greg leans in to look at the blue stuff. He doesn't answer Grissom.) Grissom: It's okay to say you don't know, Greg. That's why we have a trace lab. (Grissom hands the gun back to Greg. Greg takes the gun and leaves the lab. Grissom returns to working on the Polaroid. He grids the photo and enhances an object on the floor. It's a prescription pill bottle. Grissom works to enhance the label.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GOLDEN NUGGET CASINO -- MAIN FLOOR -- DAY] (The alarms wail and the people cheer as confetti falls to the floor. The woman raises her arms high in the air in celebration as she screams at her large win.) Woman: Whoo! (Warrick stands off to the side and watches.) (The manager arrives. He places a plastic lei around the woman's neck. The same kind of lei found in Lance Frazer's motel room.) Casino Manager: There you go! Congratulations. (He kisses her cheek.) Announcer: All right. On behalf of the Golden Nugget, let me congratulate you. (The manager leaves the woman and walks up to Warrick.) Warrick: You know how long I've played here and I've never gotten laid? Casino Manager: Hey, Warrick, how you doing? Warrick: Good. Casino Manager: Listen, we've got your favorite 21 table ready for you over there, okay? Warrick: Tricks are for kids, man. I don't play games anymore. Casino Manager: Then what are you doing here? Warrick: I'm working on a case. Did anyone hit a big jackpot here yesterday? Casino Manager: Yeah, guy won 50 g on that big machine over there. Warrick: 50 g? Casino Manager: Uh-huh. Warrick: Did he look like this? (Warrick shows the Manager a enlarged copy of the driver's license: ARIZONA DRIVER LICENSE LICENSE 236508522 EXPIRES: 11/08/2006 CLASS D s*x M EYES BL HEIGHT 5-11 HAIR BLN WEIGHT 185 BIRTHDATE 11/08/1965 LANCE FRAZER 2525 N. SALTON SEA PHOENIX, AZ 85203 Casino Manager: Yep, that's him. Warrick: Do you remember about what time that was? Casino Manager: Midnight. That was the end of my shift. Looks like he needed it, too. Warrick: Really? Casino Manager: Yeah, dirty clothes, serious B.O. Warrick: Funkier than James Brown, huh? Casino Manager: Big time. Don't be a stranger. Warrick: Good to see you, man. (The Casino Manager leaves. Warrick heads on his way.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB - DAY] (Catherine walks into the DNA lab with her samples.) Catherine: Blood standard, unknown urine, tell me it's the same guy. Now, Greg mentioned to you that my stuff gets done first, right? Chandra Moore: Yeah, well, in my lab, I decide what gets run and when. Unless Mr. Grissom tells me otherwise. Catherine: It's uh, quiet in here. Greg played music. Chandra Moore: Well, I find it distracting. (Jacqui Franco walks into the lab with her print results.) Jacqui Franco: Hit on your fingerprint from the Palermo. Catherine: Carl Johnson? (She hands the results to Catherine.) Jacqui Franco: Nope, George Craven. Ex-con. Record for domestic violence. (The sheet reads: on the left is a {photo} on the right is the information CRAVEN, GEORGE) Catherine: Runs security at the Embassy Strip Club. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY- DAY] (Brass, Grissom and an Officer exit the parked car. They walk up the front walk to the house.) [INT. WILLARD RESIDENCE - FOYER - DAY] (Brass kicks the door in. The officer stands next to him, both their guns are up and out. Grissom is behind them.) Brass: Mr. Willard! Las Vegas, police. We have a warrant. (to Bobby) Go around the back, Bobby. (Bobby turns and leaves to go around the back. Brass and Grissom step into the house.) Brass: You get this address off a pill bottle? Grissom: Herpes. Brass: Huh? Grissom: There was a prescription for valacyclovin. I cross-referenced the pharmacy logo. (There's a loud clatter coming from the front door. Grissom and Brass turn. Greg sheepishly stands upright after tripping in the doorway.) Greg: Sorry. I'm late. (Brass and Grissom continue on through the house. Greg follows from behind.) (Brass walks into the next room and finds the body on the floor.) Brass: Polaroid doesn't do him justice. (Quick flash of: The Polaroid picture of the body burns. End of flash. Resume to present.) (Brass steps further into the room. Grissom walks over to the body. He notices that cord tied around the dead body's neck.) Grissom: Same kind of wire I found in the first victim's car. (Brass finds a photo BANKMASTER credit card on the desk. UNION INTERSTATE BANK KEN WILLARD ) Brass: Ken Willard. Greg: Yeah, I recognize that guy in the picture. (He points to the framed photo on the shelf.) From blitzkrieg? Manny, the club owner. So our first victim ... (Quick flash to: [INT. WILLARD RESIDENCE - DAY] The killer chokes Ken Willard.) Greg: (V.O.) ... strangled this guy with wire, ... (Flash to: The killer photographs the body.) Greg: (V.O.) ... photographs it ... (Flash to: [CLUB] The killer holds the photo.) Greg: (V.O.) ... takes it to the club, burns it for some reason, and then takes one between the eyes himself? (Someone kills the killer.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Grissom: Bring me the head of John the Baptist. [Note: Matthew 14:8 & Mark 6:24-25] (Brass shrugs.) Grissom: Salome -- wanted proof that he was dead. They didn't have Polaroids back then. Brass: So you're saying our first victim was a hired killer. Hired by whom? Greg: Whoever shot him? (Brass considers it. Grissom turns to look at Greg and Brass.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH -- DAY] (Brian is dressed in an alien costume complete with head extension and jewel in the center of his forehead. He stands on stage and talks with a crowd.) Brian (as alien minister): (lisping) And like a blinding supernova, your love is blasting throughout the universe. Two spirits have become one. Earthling to earthling. (Nick and Sara walk into the room and take seats at the back.) Brian (as alien minister): (lisping) ... So ... by the power of the sun and the moon and all the planets in the universe, and the great State of Nevada, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss that bride. (The couple kiss as the guests applaud.) Brian (as alien minister): (lisping) There you go. Sara: Don't get all misty on me, now. SHORT TIME CUT TO: (Sara and Nick talk with Brian as he removes his head extension.) Brian: So the deceased's costume was similar to mine, you say? Nick: Yeah, identical. Manufactured by Big City Costumes. (Brian removes his head extension.) Nick: Specifically designed for this chapel. Brian: Yeah, that's who makes them. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised -- things get stolen from he all the time. Them sci-fi nuts, you know, they're big collectors. Nick: Do the initials E.T. mean anything to you? Brian: No, just the ... Alien Minister's Wife: Honey, we have a 3:00. Brian: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nick: So business is good? Brian: Oh, yes, never better. You know, I mean, people, they come to Vegas to get rich or to get hitched. I mean, you know, that's not why we do it, though. Is it, honey? (The Alien Minister's Wife shakes her head.) Brian: We believe in love, you know, in just whatever form it might take. Are you two married? Sara: No. Brian: No? All right, well, we're open 24 hours. There's a toll-free number right there on the back, all right? (He hands the brochure to Sara.) Don't let this moment pass you by. (to Nick) She's gonna getcha. (Brian and his wife stand and leave.) (Nick chuckles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. WEDDING WONDERLAND - SIDEWALK - DAY] (Nick and Sara step out of the Wedding Wonderland Chapel and out onto the sidewalk. A man dressed as Al Capone approaches them.) Al Capone: Hey! You kids don't want to get married by Spock or whatever his name is in there. What would your mother say? Here. (He hands them a flyer.) (They look around and see the other chapel gimmicks standing out on the sidewalk trying to drum up business. They see the pink Cadillac in the garage.) Elvis: (over p.a.) Come on, all you hound dogs, get married by the king at the Burnin' Love Wedding Chapel. Nick: Viva Las Vegas, man. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Catherine and Det. Vartann interview George Craven. Catherine puts a morgue photo of Raven on the table.) Det. Vartann: How do you explain your fingerprint on the murder weapon? George Craven: I don't need to explain anything. I didn't kill her. Catherine: Thumbprint on the towel bar? George Craven: In the bathroom at the Palermo? Catherine: Yeah. George Craven: Yeah, I was in there. I took a leak. Come on, Raven's my girl, all right? She always had me check out her money. Catherine: You let your girlfriend turn tricks? George Craven: Two grand to do some mid-western chump? She wouldn't turn it down, and I wasn't gonna stop her. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Raven dances on Carl Johnson.) George Craven: (V.O.) Dude stumbled in from the Acid Drop ready to go. (Raven glances back at George who leans against the wall at the back of the room.) (Carl Johnson pays George.) George Craven: (V.O.) He seemed harmless. I used the facility before I left. (He misses the toilet. He grabs the towel bar.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) George Craven: Then I bounced. I was cool with her way of life. But I didn't want to stay and watch. (Catherine notes the wounds on George Craven's hand.) Catherine: Fresh wounds. You get those kicking guys out of the embassy, or ... kicking your girlfriend's ass? I don't think that you were cool with her ways. A big, strong guy like you, you're not gonna share her. She didn't tell you where she was going. You followed her, and you killed her. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] GEORGE CRAVEN bursts into the hotel room to find Raven in bed with Carl Johnson.) George Craven: You little slut! (Raven scrambles off the bed. George Craven runs into the bathroom and grabs the bath bar.) Raven: No! Please (He swings and hits her on the head. She scrambles to her feet and runs out of the bathroom.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) George Craven: I need a lawyer. Catherine: I need your clothes. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY] (Chandra Moore is in the DNA lab working. Grissom and Greg are both watching her. Grissom turns to Greg.) Grissom: So, you like her? Greg: I like not being her anymore. (Hodges joins them.) David Hodges: The sticky substance in the slide of your gun is tape adhesive. What about the blue coloring? Chloromide M.E.A., Sodium lauryl sulfate, pine oil. Components of your basic bathroom disinfectant. Grissom: So, Greg, how do you explain adhesive and toilet bowl cleanser on the gun? Greg: I don't know. I can tell you the toilets in the club had blue water. Grissom: You inspected the toilet bowls for evidence? Greg: Well, when you got to go, you got to go. David Hodges: Whew. Grissom: At a crime scene, Greg? David Hodges: Everybody knows you hold it. Grissom: You go across the street or next-door, somewhere other than the scene, until you've cleared the restroom. Did you clear the restroom? Greg: No. Grissom: Well, you could've flushed away evidence, wiped away fingerprints from the handle. Make sure you include this in your field notes. (Grissom walks away. Hodges turns and looks at Greg.) David Hodges: I like Chandra. She's cute. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE -- DAY] (Brass interviews Manny Brazil, the Club Owner. Manny paces the floor in front of Brass' desk.) Brass: The .32 automatic we found at your club, the serial numbers were filed off. I mean, you know better than anyone, that's a felony. Lucky for us, the crime lab recovered the numbers. Manny Brazil: Hey, look, that gun was stolen out of my desk last week. Brass: So what's this, "The dog ate my homework"? (Manny sits down across Brass' desk.) Manny Brazil: Come on, man, think about it. Why would I kill somebody in my own club? I still got yellow tape across the front door. Brass: What do you care? You only own ten percent of the club. Ken Willard owns the rest. Manny Brazil: Yeah, but the guy's not around. Besides ... things change. Brass: You're damn right they do. He's dead. Manny Brazil: What? Wait-wait-wait, you don't think that I had any ... no. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. THE ACID DROP - BAR - DAY] (Catherine walks in and heads for the bartender.) Catherine: Hi. Chris here? Bartender: You are ... ? Catherine: I'm Catherine. Bartender: Oh, right, you must be his cop friend. (Chris walks out from the back room. He closes the door behind him and heads toward Catherine.) Chris Bezich: Hey. Catherine: Hi. Chris Bezich: You should've told me you were coming down. (They kiss.) What's going on? Catherine: I'm checking out an alibi. Was this guy in here last night? (Catherine shows Chris a copy of the Ohio Driver License for Carl Johnson. It reads: OHIO DRIVER LICENSE BOB TAFT, GOVERNOR FRANKLIN R. CALTRIDER, REGISTRAR BMV CARL JOHNSON 2640 HIPSHOT DRIVE COLUMBUS, OH 43208 LICENSE NO. RT2477091 SS NUMBER NON-E- BIRTHDATE 04/23/64 ISSUE DATE 04/23/02 EXPIRES ON BIRTHDAY 06 NONRENEWABLE DOCUMENTATION REQUIRED s*x M HT 5-10 WT 170 HAIR BRN Chris Bezich: Yeah, he was, uh, belligerent, drunk -- he was groping every waitress in the place. We sent him over to the strip joint next-door. It was more his speed. (Catherine's phone rings. She checks the message.) Chris Bezich: You're busy. Am I gonna see you tonight? (She closes the phone.) Catherine: I'm working late. Chris Bezich: Me, too. (Catherine smiles and nods at him. She turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Various cuts of Warrick working in the lab. He examines the hot plate and finds some burned substance on it. He removes the substance.) (Cut to: He's scanned the substance into the computer and works on the computer.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NIGHT CLUB - BATHROOM - STALL -- DAY] (Grissom and Greg are in the bathroom stall. Greg closes the toilet cover and removes the toilet lid. They find duct tape.) Greg: Duct tape. (Greg grabs his kit and opens it.) Greg: So the shooter stuck the gun in the toilet earlier to avoid the metal detector. (Quick flashback to: [STALL] Someone tapes the gun to the inside of the toilet. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: Echoes of Michael Corleone. (Greg removes the duct tape from the toilet.) Greg: So if Manny is the shooter, why would he need to hide his own gun? Grissom: He wouldn't. So what are you gonna do now? Greg: Check for prints. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY] (Nick and Sara walk into the lab. Sara picks up the file folder and looks through it.) Chandra Moore: Please don't do that. Sara: Oh, sorry. Uh, I was just looking for our alien DNA analysis. (Nick looks through the scope.) Chandra Moore: Not yet. (He looks at Chandra.) Nick: Come on, where's your intellectual curiosity? Chandra Moore: I hardly considered it a priority. Sara: It's very neat in here. You're very neat, Chandra. (The printer prints out the results. Chandra turns to get it.) Chandra Moore: Thank you. (David Hodges steps into the lab to report to Nick and Sara.) David Hodges: Your shovel from the desert? (He looks over at Chandra and sees her struggling to pull the print sheets out of the printer.) David Hodges: Dug into the paint history of somebody's car. (Quick flash of: The side of a car. End of quick flash.) David Hodges: Black enamel undercoats, general motors, '60s vintage. Three layers of primer plus a acrylic top, pink. Sara: A pink cadillac? (Quick flash of: The pink Cadillac in the garage. End of quick flash.) (Det. Travis steps into the DNA lab to report to Nick and Sara. It's getting to be a party in the DNA lab.) Det. Travis: Hey. E.T. phoned home. I got an I.D. off the hearing aid. (David Hodges looks over at Chandra Moore.) Our alien is Reverend Edward Thomas of 49 Stuart Street. Sara: Oh, the Chapel of Intergalactic Love. Nick: We've already been there. Det. Travis: Well, if the reverend is dead, who's running the place? (Irritated by all the interruptions, Chandra has had enough.) Chandra Moore: Could you please take this somewhere else? Nick: We know where there's a pink cadillac. (Elvis imitation) Thank ya. Thank ya very much. (Nick and Sara turn and leave the lab. Chandra sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Archie Johnson goes over the security camera video footage with Catherine. On the monitor is George Craven walking through the hotel hallway.) Archie Johnson: I got the stripper's boyfriend on camera. (He pauses the video.) Archie Johnson: If he just killed somebody, he's being really cool about it. Catherine: Yeah, and he didn't change his clothes from last night. I screened them for blood -- negative. And the tox report on Mr. Johnson confirms traces of triazelam in his blood. Archie Johnson: So golf ball salesman was too doped up to kill her. The boyfriend couldn't have bludgeoned her without getting blood on his clothes. Catherine: No. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -LAB - DAY] (Det. Cavaliere walks into the lab to report to Warrick.) Det. Cavaliere: Hey. If Lance Frazer won fifty grand, I can't find it. It's not in his room, no bank account, no car. Warrick: What time did the super say the electricity went out? Det. Cavaliere: 12:30. Warrick: 12:30? How does a broke-ass guy like lance lose fifty grand in thirty minutes? Det. Cavaliere: Had to take him ten minutes just to walk back home. Warrick: Well, they say gamblers are creatures of habit. I bet you lance did the same thing every day. Win or lose. I'm going to need to take a walk in this guy's shoes. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. LAS VEGAS STRIP - NIGHT] (Warrick stops on the sidewalk and looks at the casinos' flashing lights. He walks down the sidewalk and sees a Cigar Vendor.) Warrick: Hey, captain. Cigar Vendor: Yo. Warrick: Do you sell Clark cigarettes? Cigar Vendor: Yeah, I do. (He reaches for a pack.) You know, you've got to be the only other guy in Vegas that smokes these sticks? Warrick: Really? Cigar Vendor: Yeah. Warrick: Is this the other guy? (He shows the vendor the photo of Lance Frazer.) Cigar Vendor: That's him. He's here every night. Big spender. Pays me in quarters. (Warrick nods.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT] (Greg works on the duct tape in the lab. He looks for a print. He finds a print.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS STRIP - SIDEWALK - NIGHT] (Warrick walks along and finds a sidewalk table with Omnicose Sweetener packets, the same packets found in Lance Frazer's room.) [INT. - NIGHT] (Close-up of parts of the pink Cadillac. Nick looks at the side of the car and sees something.) Nick: Sara. (Sara joins him and looks at the car side.) Nick: Let's go talk to the king. [EXT. LAS VEGAS STRIP - SIDEWALK - NIGHT] (Warrick walks up to the hot dog vendor.) Warrick: Hey, pop. Like the buddha said to the monk, make me one with everything. Hot Dog Vendor: Sure thing, boss. Coming right up. Warrick: Were you working last night? Hot Dog Vendor: Nope. I don't usually work this stand. Warrick: Who does? Hot Dog Vendor: Some punk kid. Just up and quit last night. Left the stand sitting right here. Warrick: Really? Would you happen to know where this punk kid lives? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALBURT RESIDENCE -- APARTMENTS - NIGHT] (Officers with their weapons out converge on the apartment #130.) (Det. Cavaliere pounds on the door.) Det. Cavaliere: Daniel Halburt! We've got a warrant to search the premises! Open up! (The door opens. A young kid with gold chains around his neck looks out.) Daniel Halburt: Yeah, what up, man? (Det. Cavaliere grabs him and pulls him out of the apartment.) Det. Cavaliere: Get out! Daniel Halburt: (surprised) Hey, man! (Det. Cavaliere steps into the apartment and checks it out.) Det. Cavaliere: Clear! Warrick: Clear! (The officer outside handcuffs Daniel Halburt.) Warrick: Whoo! Would you look at the size of this flat screen? My lord, that's a whole month of my pay right there. A new playstation? A brand-new stereo? (Warrick sees the hot dog vendor uniform on the side. He picks it up.) Warrick: You must have sold a lot of hot dogs last night, huh? (He sees the burn on the uniform.) Warrick: Did you get that from Lance? You know, your old friend. Did you sell a lot of hot dogs him? (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Lance Frazer sees the hot dog vendor.) Lance Frazer: I finally hit. Fifty large, cash. (He shows Daniel Halburt the cash.) Lance Frazer: Kick back in the tub, pay off that shifty super, and I'm checking into the Bellagio. (He takes his hot dog and leaves.) (End of flash.) Daniel Halburt: I gambled every day of my life. I never won a damn thing. (Quick flashback to: [FRAZER'S MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT] The door opens. Daniel Halburt walks in. He picks up the hot plate and goes into the bathroom. He burns his hot dog vendor uniform.) Daniel Halburt: Tell me where the money is. (Lance Frazer looks up scared and shakes his head. Daniel Halburt drops the hot plate into the tub. Lance Frazer is electrocuted.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Daniel Halburt: He should have just showed me where the money was. It was in the bible. Warrick: Take this guy out of here. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] (Brian, who is now dressed as Elvis, presides over another marriage. Sara and Nick walk into the chapel and watch from the back.) Brian (as Elvis): So as the one and only king of rock and roll, I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You get over there and kiss that bride! All right! There we go! Sara: Does Elvis look familiar to you? (Brian lifts his Elvis glasses off and sees them standing in the back. Sara waves to him. Nick nods.) Guest: (b.g.) That's the stuff! Guest: (b.g.) Do karate if you do, right? Guest: (b.g.) Viva Las Vegas Viva Las Vegas Brian (as Elvis): That's right, that's right. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Nick and Sara interview Brian.) Nick: You want to tell us about the scratch on your cadillac? Brian: (lisping) I mean, come on. That's more than just a scratch. I mean, it's nothing compared to the vandalism or the stress. I mean, come on. It's a war out there, you know? Marriage is money in this town and every chapel owner wants more. I mean, last month, middle of the "I Do's," a rock comes flying through my stained glass. Sara: Were you in a war with Ed Thomas? Nick: We found the shovel near the body. The paint transfer matches your car. Brian: Well, I guess Ed was at war with me. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Ed takes the shovel and scratches the side of the Cadillac with it. End of flash. Resume to present.) Brian: I mean, I was looking for a truce. (Quick flashback to: [ED'S RESIDENCE] Brian walks into the small apartment. Ed's sitting in front of the television set.) Brian: (V.O.) At first I thought that he was ignoring me, and then I remembered about his hearing problem. Brian: Ed, I want to talk to you. (Brian takes off his glasses and steps into the apartment.) Brian: (louder) Ed, I want to talk to you. (Brian checks Ed, but he's dead.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brian: He was dead when I got there, I swear it. It must have been a heart attack or something. And so I took him out to Area 51 and then I buried him. Sara: Why would you possibly take him all the way out there? Brian: Because it's what he would have wanted. Nick: And so then you just took over his business? Brian: Yeah, well, I mean, it seemed like a good idea at the time, you know? Keep spreading the love. Sara: The coroner determined that Ed suffered from Marfan syndrome, similar to Abe Lincoln. Nick: Abnormally long fingers, arms, legs, scoliosis. Brian: So, what does that got to do with me? Sara: The syndrome weakened Ed's abdominal aorta. When you found him, he wasn't dead, he was unconscious. He was bleeding internally. Nick: Yeah, the coroner found dirt in his stomach and his upper airways, underneath his fingernails. (Quick flash to: Camera zooms out to Area 51 and down into the dirt. We see Ed Thomas open his eyes, looks around, and open his mouth to scream.) (Quick CGI POV of: Camera zooms into Ed Thomas' mouth, down his throat, turns around and we see that it fill quickly with dry dirt.) (End of flashes. Resume to present.) Nick: He died from asphyxia, all right, but it was post-burial. (Brian's eyes widen in horror and he starts to cry.) Brian: I think I'm going to be sick. I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. THE PALERMO - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT] (Catherine returns to the bathroom with an ALS. She puts her kit down.) Catherine: Hit the lights. (Det. Vartann turns the lights off. She looks down at the smudge of blood on the floor.) Catherine: The victim had a swollen ankle. What if this bracelet is an anklet? (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] In her bare feet, Raven slips on the urine on the floor and hits her head on the bath bar.) (Raven staggers out of the bathroom. She realizes her head's bleeding.) Catherine: (V.O.) By then Johnson had passed out from the triazelam. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: The more docile the john, the easier the job, except when you need him to save your life. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Carl Johnson is sleeping heavily on the bed. Raven tries to wake him up. She's bleeding everywhere.) Raven: Please, wake up, wake up. (she picks up the phone and passes out.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Det. Vartann: Well, if Johnson was innocent, why'd he lie to us? Catherine: Try explaining this to your family back in Ohio. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NIGHT CLUB -- NIGHT] (Grissom, Brass and Greg question Crystal. Manny Brazil stands nearby.) Grissom: Are you aware that your fingerprints are in the Federal system? Brass: You're awaiting trial on drug trafficking, Manny posted your bail. Manny Brazil: I was just helping her out. Crystal: It wasn't my "E." Brass: Oh, yeah? Who's "E" was it? Crystal: Ken Willard asked me to bring a bag back from L.A. For him. I didn't know what was in it. Brass: So you and Ken had a relationship? Crystal: We dated. (Manny looks at Crystal, surprised by this news.) Grissom: You both took valacyclovin as well. We found your prints on some duct tape in the women's restroom. (Quick flashback to: [RESTROOM] Crystal hides the gun in the toilet.) Grissom: (V.O.) The duct tape was used to hide Manny's gun. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: The gun used to kill your hit man. Manny Brazil: Hit man? What the hell are you talking about? Well, with Ken Willard gone, your 10% of the club becomes 100%. Manny Brazil: I didn't kill him and she doesn't deserve to go to jail. Look, the guy was a snake. Picking up girls, using them as mules, throwing them away. Brass: So what does a contract killer cost these days, Manny? Crystal: Manny didn't do anything. He's only tried to help me. The guy said he could solve my problem for ten grand. When the job was done, he said the price had doubled. I couldn't afford that ... and I didn't want to get Manny involved. So I stole the gun from his office. (Quick flashback to: [RESTROOM] Crystal puts the gun in the toilet.) Crystal: (V.O.) I kept it in the bathroom overnight ... (The next night, Cyrstal is working.) Crystal: (V.O.) ... waited till that son of a bitch showed up, picked my moment. (She points the gun at the hit man and fires.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Crystal: Second I get arrested, Ken dumps me. He says he'll kill me if I roll over on him. The way I saw it, I had two choices: Either kill him or go to jail. Grissom: Congratulations. You got both. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY NIGHT (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. THE ACID DROP - CLUB -- NIGHT] (Catherine walks into the club. She walks over to the bar and waves to the bartender. The bartender points to the back.) [INT. THE ACID DROP - CHRIS' OFFICE - NIGHT] (Catherine opens the door. We hear a woman's laugh coming from inside.) (She finds Chris with one of the club waitresses. They stare at each other for a moment.) Chris: What do you expect? I run a nightclub. (Catherine turns and leaves. The door slams shut behind her.) Club Waitress: Who was that? [INT. THE ACID DROP - CLUB - NIGHT] (Catherine walks out of the club.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (Grissom reviews Greg's file.) Grissom: You committed a fatal error, Greg. You compromised evidence at a crime scene. A judgment like that can cost us a conviction. In order to solo in the field, you have to successfully complete three proficiencies. (He gives the file back to Greg.) Greg: I failed this one. Grissom: Yeah. (Greg stands up, sighs and heads for the door. (Grissom takes his glasses off.) Grissom: But ... (Greg stops and turns around.) Grissom: Since you found a suitable replacement in the lab, I'm going to give you one more chance. Greg: Thank you. Thank you. (Greg leaves. Grissom watches him go.) [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINJUOUS] (Greg walks through the hallway. He hears some glass smash and Chandra's frustrated growl.) Chandra Moore: Oh, I can't go through with this! (He looks up and sees Chandra step out of the lab.) Greg: Hey, Chandra, how was your first day? Chandra Moore: I can't do this. It's too much for one person. (She takes her coat off. Nick and Warrick peer out of the lab and watch. Chandra gives Greg her lab coat.) Chandra Moore: They all want ... they all want you, and I can't be you. (Chandra turns and leaves.) Chandra Moore: (o.s.) I'm going back to Connecticut. (From the lab doorway, Warrick holds out a bill. Nick takes it.) (Greg glances over at the two of them. Warrick shrugs at him.) (Greg nods knowingly and looks down. What a day.) FADE TO BLACK

Grissom works on a nightclub shooting with Greg Sanders , who has finally found a replacement in the lab and now only has to pass his final proficiency test, while Catherine investigates a stripper found dead in a hotel room, Warrick investigates a man found electrocuted in his bathtub, and Sara and Nick are called in when an ' alien ' is found in a shallow grave near Area 51 .

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Skyline: Red, yellow, and blue balloons rise over the buildings. ACT 1 [Scene 1 - Frasier's apartment. Daphne is answering the door to Roz. Niles is seated on the couch.] Roz: Hey, Daphne! Daphne: Hey, Roz. Roz: Hey, Niles. Niles: Come on in. Roz: Is Frasier here? I need him to approve the latest version of his bio. Niles: [taking it from Roz] Why does he keep updating his bio? What's changed in the last few years. [reading] Oh, his date of birth! He's now four years younger than I am. Daphne: Well, that's silly. Does everyone fake their age in radio? Roz: [with anxiety] No! [Daphne chuckles.] Daphne: Oh, Roz, sit down. I'm glad you're here. There's something we want to ask you. [Roz sits between Daphne and Niles.] When Niles and I get married, it would make us very happy if you would serve as maid of honor. Roz: [flattered] Really? I'm so touched. I don't know what to say. Well, of course, of course I'll do it. [She embraces Daphne.] Niles: Now, uh, set aside September 1st. Roz: Oh, is that Labor Day weekend? Niles: Yeah, is that a problem. Roz: Well, there's this picnic that I always go to, and I make the potato salad. [Daphne and Niles look bemused and slightly hurt during this speech.] What am I saying? Your wedding is more important than potato salad or any salad! [She and Daphne embrace again.] Daphne: Then it's settled! Roz: I'll make the potato salad the night before, and then I'll get someone...[off Niles's look] I'll figure it out. [N.B. In fact, Jane Leeves was a bridesmaid at Peri Gilpin's wedding to her husband, artist Christian Vincent.] [Frasier enters.] Frasier: Hello, all! Roz: Hi! Niles: Well, look who's here, it's my little brother Frasier! Roz: I brought your bio. Frasier: [hanging his coat] Oh, yes, well I'll have to deal with that tomorrow, Roz, I've got to be across town in half an hour. I'm previewing a new Benjamin Locklear exhibit and then I'm having dinner with the artist afterward. Promises to be a very exciting evening! Daphne: And what lucky lady are you sharing it with? Frasier: Well, I'm going alone. Daphne: Oh, I'm sorry. Frasier: Well, don't be. Truth is, I'm a pretty terrific date. I know when to arrive, I know when to call it a night, and frankly, I always leave myself wanting more. [He exits, smiling.] Daphne: Oh, it's too bad Dr. Crane doesn't have anyone to share these things with. Roz: I know. When was the last time he seriously dated anyone? Daphne: Well, that would be Claire, but that was months ago. Roz: We should set him up with someone. Niles: Well, it seems to me he's choosing not to date. Daphne: [ignoring him] I have this friend at yoga he might like. Roz: No, she sounds flaky. I have the perfect person for him! Niles: You know, he's always been completely capable of meeting people on his own. Daphne: [again ignoring him] No, we should go with my person first. You don't have the best track record. Roz: Me? Whenever you've set me up with guys, I knew they were losers the second I saw them. They turned out to be bad in bed, too. Daphne: Well, there's no reason why we both can't try to set him up with someone. Roz: Okay, but we have to find someone who's gorgeous, sexy, and smart. [Martin enters.] Martin: Smart's good, but I'm not a fanatic about it. [He moves to sit in his chair.] Daphne: It's not for you, it's for Dr. Crane. Niles: Yes, even though he's expressed no dissatisfaction with his love life whatsoever, these two have decided to make it their mission to find him a mate. Martin: It's not a bad idea. It's been a long time since Frasier was excited about someone. I kind of miss that spring in his step, you know. The nervous energy he gets where every first date might be "the one." The electricity of that 30-point self-inspection before he rolls out of the showroom. Niles: But he says he's happy! Daphne: Isn't that what you would have said too before your brother helped bring us together? Niles: That's my point exactly, let's start calling babes! [They all react. Fade out.] [Scene 2 - Frasier's apartment. Daphne and Niles are sitting at the dining table. Daphne is looking in her datebook.] Daphne: What about Caroline? She'd get along great with your brother! Niles: Is she the one missing a tooth? Daphne: She had it replaced. That dental school did a good job too. You can only tell it's fake under a black light. [Niles glares. She turns to another page.] What about Jennifer? She's pretty, smart, she has those perky breasts... Niles: I wouldn't call them perky so much as, uh...[stopping himself] I don't remember Jennifer. [faking an attempt to recollect and then giving it up] Well, besides, didn't Frasier already go out with her? Daphne: Oh, you're right. Well, that's everyone I know. Oh, it's too bad. I was hoping we could help. Niles: [reflecting] There is this one woman I know--Lisa. She'd be great. They share a lot of interests. She even owns a bookstore. Daphne: You've been holding out on me! Niles: Well, she's a former patient, so that's kind of an ethical gray area. I'm not sure I'm comfortable setting her up with Frasier. Daphne: What if she didn't know you were setting her up? You could point her out to me and then I could strike up a friendship! We could go out for coffee, see movies, tell each other everything. [moving to the kitchen] Maybe I was a little hasty making Roz my maid of honor. Niles: [following her to the kitchen] As soon as she finds out you're my fianc e, well...there's my ethical dilemma again. Daphne: Well, what if they just happened to meet by themselves? Niles: Like at her bookstore? Daphne: Exactly. Niles: Frasier is always going into bookstores. She does own a bookstore. [rationalizing] Over time, it's highly probable he would find himself...in her bookstore. Perhaps I could just place them within range of one another, and I'd just stay out of sight. Daphne: That'll do. So what does she look like, anyway? Niles: Oh my God, she's gorgeous! She has these...[sighs and stops himself] I'd have to check my notes. [Niles exits. Fade out.] [Scene 3 - Lisa's Bookstore. A customer is exiting. Niles is spying in the window, probably looking to see where Lisa is. Frasier approaches him.] Niles: Oh, hi, here we are. [They enter the bookstore.] Frasier: Well, it's a lovely little bookstore, Niles, but I hardly see how it's worth driving all the way across town. Doesn't seem to have much of a selection. Niles: Well, they don't cater to all tastes, but I'm confident you'll find something to confident your interest. [On cue, Lisa, the owner, enters from the back carrying a box. She is dark-haired and pretty. Niles ducks into an aisle.] Niles: Um, Frasier, Frasier. [Frasier approaches him.] Um, Daphne had asked me to provide her with a reading list, you know to broaden her mind. Frasier: Oh, that's admirable. Niles: Yeah, and I was thinking of starting with Shakespeare. And, uh, you have such a grasp of his work, I was wondering if you could help me make a selection. Frasier: Well, of course, although I'm a bit surprised. You always considered yourself the more well-versed. Niles: Well-versed, yes, but you're the expert. Frasier: [beaming] I've waited since third grade to hear you say that! [Frasier goes to the back aisle where Lisa is shelving books. As he enters it, she leaves at the other end and moves to the next aisle toward Niles without Frasier noticing her.] Frasier: Hmm... [Niles covers his face with an open book so that Lisa won't see him and walks past her to Frasier.] Niles: Um, you know, maybe she'd appreciate Shakespeare more if she knew something about him. Perhaps a biography. Frasier: That's good thinking. [Frasier walks forward to the next aisle, where Lisa is at the other end. She simultaneously leaves and moves forward again to the next aisle.] Frasier: Ah. Niles: [following him] Although, philosophy is the basis of all thought. Any mind-broadening exercise should begin with philosophy. Frasier: [seeming a bit confused by Niles's behavior] Very well. [They both move forward. Lisa again leaves just as Frasier enters. He still has not noticed her. She has now moved to the aisle from which Niles had grabbed a book.] Niles: Or sports. [Frasier reacts with disbelief. Lisa moves back to the philosophy aisle as Frasier confronts Niles.] Niles: No, philosophy. Frasier: You're certain? Niles: Unquestionably. Go. Go. [Frasier is looking at books while Lisa is shelving at the other end. Frasier still takes no heed of her. She moves toward Frasier, who moves so that she can pass him. As she does, his back is turned and he is concentrating on the book, so he still really pays her no attention. She shelves books near Frasier. She is concentrating on her shelving while Frasier chuckles with "Ah's" about the book he has selected. They briefly face the same direction. They then pass each other in the other direction, again with their backs toward each other. Frasier approaches Niles.] Frasier: Here we are. Plato's Republic. Can't say I agree with everything in there, but it's a place to start. [We now see that the book Niles has taken from the sports section is about NASCAR auto racing.] Niles: Ooh, there's a little tear in the cover. Would you get me another copy? Frasier: Good heavens, Niles, what am I, your lackey? Niles: No, no, no, I-I'm just engrossed in this [mispronouncing] "Heroes of Nahz-KAR." [Niles feigns deep interest. Frasier looks at the book with disbelief and shakes his head. NB: This is an inside joke. Toward the end of last season, NBC contracted with NASCAR to carry some events. They then began an ad campaign which spoofed another ad campaign (the product is unimportant) featuring an announcer describing the movie You've Got Mail and asking the audience if they had seen it. The ad then showed a rough-looking western type of man and the announcer said "This guy hasn't seen it." NBC's take on it went something like this: "You know that show Frasier? It has the two brothers who are psychiatrists and they go to operas and sit drinking Lattes. You know that show?" All the while, the picture showed shots of auto races and pit stops, etc. A NASCAR driver was then shown. The announcer continued: "It's on the same network as this guy!" Kelsey was somewhat irritated at the ad, and this joke with Niles mispronouncing "NASCAR" is meant as a jab at NBC. This is not the first little stab the writers have taken at "Junior Agent."] Frasier: Fine. [He returns to get another copy. As he does, Lisa passes him yet again with his back turned to her and heads toward the back of the store.] Frasier: Here you go. Pristine condition. Niles: [defeatedly] Thank you. Frasier: You know, while we're here, I'd like to try to find a book on the early British monarchy. I've recently read The Isles: A History, and they didn't go into as much detail as I might have liked about the Plantagenets. Niles: Hmm. [He sees Lisa approaching them.] Well, um, you know, why don't you ask someone here? I found the staff her very knowledgeable. Frasier: Well, um, yes, all right, all right, I'll be right back. [In the meantime, Lisa, with her back to Niles and Frasier, has begun giving instructions to a geeky-looking male clerk. As Frasier approaches, Lisa again heads to the back and Frasier confronts the male clerk. Niles is beside himself.] Frasier: Ah, excuse me. Um, do you happen to have a book on the Plantagenets? Clark: That's like a banana, right? Frasier: Never mind. [He returns to Niles.] Niles: Any luck? Frasier: Finding dunderheads, yes. Niles: Oh, well, uh, maybe you should ask someone else. [Lisa has returned to the front of the store via the other end of the ailes and is in the sports aisle, now behind Frasier and Niles.] Frasier: All right, um... [Lisa has now moved to the cash register.] Lisa: Can I help the next person? Niles: Or maybe what we should do is just pay for our books and go. [He hands the books to Frasier. Lisa is helping another customer.] Frasier: Niles, we just got here! You're acting very strangely. Niles: No, I'm not. [As Lisa finishes the customer, Niles ducks behind Frasier to avoid Lisa seeing him.] Frasier: What the hell is wrong with you? Niles: Dizzy spell. Frasier: There's a footstool in the Shakespeare section. Why don't you just go have a seat for a minute? Niles: I'll be fine, you just pay for the books! Frasier: Right, yes, of course. [Niles slinks to the back. A UPS man arrives with another box of books. Lisa notices and helps him.] Lisa: Clark, can you take over? Clark: Sure. [Lisa leaves the register as Frasier approaches, and they again pass each other without any notice. The geeky clerk takes over the register. Lisa accompanies the UPS man to the back.] Clark: Hello again! Frasier: Hello. Clark: So, did you find what you were looking for? Frasier: Not really, no. Clark: OK. [He begins to ring up Frasier's books.] Frasier: Oh, I have Book-Lover's Discount. Clark: Ah, we don't accept that. Frasier: Independent Booksellers? Clark: No. Frasier: Uh, Bibliophiles? Dewey Decimal Discount? Dust Jacket Gang? Clark: I'm sorry. We do have our own card. It's $25. Frasier: $25? For a little card? Clark: You get 50% off all purchases. Frasier: [putting away his cards] Very well. How much will I save today? Clark: The discount starts with your next purchase. Frasier: What? What kind of a Ponzi scheme are you operating here? Clark: Store policy. [We see Niles notice Frasier's raised voice with concern. He approaches the register.] Frasier: I would like to speak with the store owner please. Niles: [approaching rapidly] Ooh, what's going on? Frasier: I'm going to give the owner a piece of my mind. Niles: Ooh, that's all right, that's all right, forget it, I don't want the book. Frasier: Yes, you do, you're getting the book! Niles: No, I don't. Frasier: You're getting the book and a discount! Clark: Lisa, we have a card challenge at checkout! Niles: [nervously] No, no, no, challenge withdrawn. Frasier: Over my protest! Niles: No, no, look, we're leaving. Everything's OK. Frasier: All right, all right. [Niles begins to hurry them out.] You know, by the way, you have an alphabetical misfile, but I'm not telling you where! [Frasier and Niles leave. Clark is a bit ruffled by the confrontation. Lisa does not return. Fade out.] END OF ACT 1 ACT 2 [SCENE_BREAK] Bachelorette #2 [Scene 4 - Frasier's apartment. Roz is outside in the hall with a friend whom she means to set up on a blind date with Frasier. The friend, Susanna, an attractive brunette, is carrying a foil-covered pie.] Roz: I just know the two of you are going to hit it off. Susanna: I thought you were always complaining he's such a tight-ass. Roz: Not complaining, bragging, you know? That I work with someone whose got such a tight ass! [She rings the doorbell. Frasier answers.] Frasier! Susanna. Susanna, this is Frasier. Frasier: Come on in! Roz has told me all about you. Susanna: She's told me all about you, too. Frasier: Oh. Susanna: I thought since you were making dinner, I'd add a little contribution of my own. It's nothing special, just a key lime pie. Roz: [exuberantly] "Nothing special!" She made the whole thing herself from scratch! The crust, the meringue--she even baked it in a pie plate she fired in her own home kiln! Susanna: [downplaying Roz's compliments] In my spare time, I use my power of invisibility to fight crime. [Frasier laughs.] Roz: Am I overselling this a little? Frasier: Just a bit, yes, Roz. Um, I'll just go put this in the kitchen. Why don't you ladies make yourselves comfortable? [Susanna approvingly observes Frasier's rear as he heads to the kitchen. Roz smiles encouragingly. They both crane their necks to keep the view as he moves deeper into the kitchen. Frasier returns with a bottle.] Frasier: Would anyone care for some wine? Susanna: Thank you, sure! Roz: Frasier knows pretty much everything there is to know about wine. [exuberantly, selling again] Tell us some things about wine, Frasier! Frasier: [teasing Roz] Sometimes you have to know when to put a cork in it. [He pours the glasses.] So Roz, where's Roger? Roz: I don't know. I'll call him and see what's holding him up. [strongly encouraging] You know, Susanna, now would be a good time to show Frasier your portfolio. [She sits on the arm of the couch and puts her arm around Susanna.] Susanna's an artist. She even has a gallery that shows her paintings exclusively! Susanna: [feigning embarassment but clearly pleased with Roz's praise] It's not so much a gallery as a restaurant-slash-bowling alley. [Frasier chuckles and grins widely.] Roz: [placing both hands on Susanna's shoulders and hugging her with admiration; with great exuberance] She's a hell of a bowler too! Someone better snatch her up before she joins a league and there go her Saturday nights! [She has given Susanna's shoulders several enthusiastic shakes during this speech.] Frasier: Roz, go make your call, all right? [Roz exits, slightly embarassed at her effusiveness.] Frasier: [handing Susanna a glass] Here we are. Susanna: Thank you. I don't usually travel with my portfolio, but she made me bring it. Frasier: I'm glad she did. I actually fancy myself a bit of collector. I'd love to see it. Susanna: Oh, all right, but be gentle! Frasier: Of course. [She opens her portfolio as Frasier moves to her side.] Frasier: [observing] Oh, boy. Well that is interesting, it's quite remarkable, really! Susanna: Thanks, the original's hanging over the shoe rental. Frasier: Wonderful texture...and these blues...so much sadness. Susanna: [flattered] Most people don't get that. Frasier: Yes, and your elongated figures are actually reminiscent of Modigliani. Susanna: That's interesting. I used to love Modigliani as a girl. Maybe I was subconsciously influenced by him. Frasier: Quite possibly, yes. I see you're also a fan of Benjamin Locklear. Susanna: [suddenly taken aback and defensive] What? Frasier: Benjamin Locklear. He has a show... Susanna: [abruptly and nervously interrupting] I know who he is! His stuff isn't anything like mine! Frasier: Well, maybe you haven't seen his latest work. You see, I was just in attendance at his most recent opening. I purchased a fantastic piece myself. [He rises and goes to a side table, from which he retrieves a polaroid.] Here, let me show you. Hmm? Susanna: [taking the picture and rising] Oh, my God! Frasier: Yes, it's magnificent, isn't it. You know, I'm thinking of putting it in my bedroom to set off the duvet. Susanna: That hack ripped me off! Frasier: [shocked] That's quite an accusation. Susanna: The guy is a thief. Everyone in the art community knows it. Frasier: [defensively] I consider myself a member of the art community. All I've heard is good things... Susanna: [with increasing agitation] Oh puh-leeze! The guy steals from lesser-known artists and markets himself to suckers with more money than taste! [Frasier is obviously deeply offended. She stops herself, realizing that she has become carried away. Frasier rises.] Frasier: [calmly, taking the picture] You know what. You're right. Maybe he did copy you. [instantly venomous, with great disdain] Maybe he got his inspiration one evening when he was out bowling a few frames! [He returns the picture to the side-table drawer.] Susanna: I do not need to be insulted by someone who buys art because it matches his bedspread! Frasier: It's a duvet and you're delusional! Susanna: Dilettante! Frasier: Forger! Susanna: Man who uses the word "duvet!!" [She marches toward the door with her portfolio.] [Roz re-enters.] Roz: Hey, guys! How's it going? Frasier: She is crazy! That's how it's going. Susanna: And for your information, Benjamin Locklear is as overrated as your ass! [She exits in a huff.] Frasier: What the hell was that supposed to mean? Roz: [exiting hurriedly] I have no idea. Have a nice weekend. [Martin enters.] Martin: What's going on out here? Frasier: I let Roz set me up on a blind date with one of her friends. Martin: Ah, big waste of time, huh? Frasier: Well, there's pie. Martin: Homemade? Frasier: Yeah. Martin: Cherry? Frasier: Key Lime. Martin: [excitedly] I can live with that! [They go to the kitchen.] Martin: Sorry, son, tough break. [observing the pie] Ooh, I bet it's got a lard crust! Ooh! Frasier: I brought you a fork, Dad. Martin: Thanks! Frasier: I wish I'd never let Roz set me up on that date. [They begin to attack the pie.] Martin: Well, you can't hit the ball unless you take a swing. Oh!-- Now, there's this gal in the building where I work... Frasier: [interrupting] Dad, Dad. You're not proposing another blind date? Martin: Now, she's a beautiful young lawyer, and she couldn't be nicer. Frasier: I am not interested. Martin: Now, don't say that. You've got to see her! Frasier: Dad... Martin: Frasier, listen to me. [suggestively] You've got to see her! Frasier: [giving in] A young lawyer, you say? [Martin laughs. They continue to devour the Key Lime pie. Fade out.] [Scene 5 - A bar/pool hall. Frasier and Martin's co-worker, Kris, a young blonde, are sitting at the bar.] Kris: Thanks for meeting me here. Frasier: Sure. Kris: I thought it would be nice to have a drink before dinner. Frasier: You know, I don't think I've ever really been here before, but it does have a nice sort of neighborhood feel to it. Kris: It is my favorite place. Frasier: Ah. So my dad tells me that you're a lawyer. Kris: Actually, I'm a legal secretary. But I'm planning to go to law school next fall. Frasier: Oh. Well, that's admirable. [The bartender hands him a drink.] Thank you. Of course, you know, paradoxically, you'll have to pass the bar if you expect to pass the bar. Kris: [laughing] You're so funny! [A man enters.] Clint: Hey, Kris. Kris: Hey, Clint. Clint: Nice to see you. Hey, that's a great sweater. Kris: Oh, thank you! Frasier: [a bit uncomfortable] So, uh, what did my dad tell you about me? Kris: Oh, he talks about you all the time. Frasier: Really? Kris: Yes, he's very proud of you. But what he didn't tell me is how good-looking you are. Frasier: [flattered] Well, thank you. [The bartender gives Kris a drink.] Bartender: Compliments of the gentleman in the Hawaiian shirt. Kris: Thanks, Graham! [She waves. Graham waves back.] Frasier: [again uncomfortable] So you, uh, you know him? Kris: [laughing] Oh, you know... [Frasier clearly doesn't know and is at a loss. Another man approaches the bar and addresses Kris.] Jason: Hey, you! Kris: Hey! Jason: Wouldn't mind stopping and smelling those roses! [He refers to Kris's shirt, which is decorated with white flowers.] Kris: Oh, you are so funny! [Frasier again has an uncomfortable reaction. Kris and Jason are now sitting at the bar with Frasier standing like a potted plant between them.] Kris: Jason, this is Frasier. Frasier, Jason. Frasier: [shaking his hand] Nice to meet you. Jason: [to Kris] So you owe me a pool game! Kris: Another time. Jason: Oh, sounds like somebody's scared! Kris: Yeah, you! Scared of getting your ass kicked. Jason: Uh-huh. Kris: But it'll have to be another time. I'm on a date. Jason: Frasier doesn't mind. You don't mind, do you? Frasier: [looking at his watch] Well, uh, actually... Jason: Thanks, champ. Kris: I'll be right back! [They leave Frasier standing there and go to the pool table.] Jason: Mind if I break? Kris: Sure, go ahead. [Jason breaks.] Kris: Looks like you're stripes! Jason: [flirtatiously] And you are definitely solid. Kris: [flirting back] Shut up! Graham: I got next game! Clint: I'm after Graham! [He stands next to Frasier.] Frasier: So, uh, how do you know Kris? Clint: Oh, you know... Frasier: No, I really don't! [Another man now stands on the other side of Frasier.] Harry: I got her next! Oh, Kris. I got my car checked out. You were right. It was the transmission. Kris: [taking a pool shot] Then you owe me a pitcher! Harry: Oh! [Kris shoots a ball in the corner pocket. The crowd of men reacts with admiring Ooh's and Aah's.] Frasier: [to Harry] So, you've known Kris a long time. Harry: Who are you? Frasier: I'm her date. [The balls are heard clacking] Harry: Nice job! She's hot tonight. So who are you? [Frasier's cell phone rings.] Frasier: Excuse me. [He walks back toward the bar and answers his phone.] Frasier: Hello. Oh, Dad. Yeah...Oh, yeah, she's very pretty, and, uh, and nice. A little too nice, perhaps. [Kris sinks another shot and high-fives the admiring collection of men.] [Scene 6. Time fade. Several pool games later. Frasier is sitting at a table, very bored. Kris approaches him, holding a cue stick.] Kris: Frasier, the table only takes quarters. Would you get some change? Frasier: You know, Kris, maybe we should cancel our plans for tonight. Kris: What?! Why? Frasier: Well, you're having such a good time with your crowd here. Kris: No, I--I just have to teach this one guy a lesson, and then I'm all yours, I promise. Frasier: Well, I guess I could ask the bartender for some change. Kris: Oh, Smitty's too busy. But try next door at the dry cleaner's. Tell them it's for me. Frasier: Thanks for the tip. [He takes the bill.] Kris: You are so sweet. [shouting] Isn't Frasier sweet, guys? [The men shout "Yeah! Frasier! Sweet!" in chorus as he exits the bar. Kris excitedly approaches the pool table again.] [Scene 7 - Quick cut to Frasier's apartment, where Martin, Niles, and Daphne are all seated at the dining table.] Martin: I thought for sure that Frasier was going to hit it off with Kris. She's really popular in the office! Daphne: Poor Dr. Crane! I feel like we failed him. Martin: Well, I'm not ready to throw in the towel. There's this woman at the dog park... Daphne: [interrupting, to Niles] Well, if you're going to try again, we should try again too. Niles: Maybe Frasier had the right attitude by leaving it up to fate. Daphne: There's nothing wrong with lending a helping hand. Maybe we were destined to fix him up with someone. Niles: [as the voice of wisdom and reason] No, I'm afraid whatever we wanted for Frasier, fate had other plans. [Scene 8 - Quick cut to the dry cleaner. Frasier enters and approaches the clerk at the counter.] Frasier: Hi, uh, can you give me change for a dollar. Andy: No change. Frasier: It's for Kris. Andy: Oh, yeah, sure! [Frasier reacts philosophically. A woman enters. It is none other than Lisa, Niles's former patient from the bookstore. Andy hands Frasier the change.] Andy: Here you go. Frasier: Thank you. [He exits without taking any notice of Lisa, who approaches the counter.] Andy: Hi, Lisa. Lisa: Oh, Andy. Can you get out spray paint? Andy: How did this happen? Lisa: I was at the new Benjamin Locklear exhibit--and this crazy woman came in and started ranting about how he'd ripped off her work. And then she started spray-painting everything! Actually, I don't know if I should clean it or hold onto it until after she dies. [Andy does not react to the joke.] You know, because art increases in value after the artist...[Andy still does not react.] Think you can get this out? [Frasier enters again.] Frasier: Excuse me, you only gave me three quarters and a nickel. Andy: Huh, I guess I don't have any more quarters left. You want your dollar back? Lisa: Oh, I might have some change! Let me look. Frasier: Oh, that's very kind of you. [She looks in her purse. Frasier does not recognize her at all.] Lisa: Um, gum, candy. Oh, oh, oh, oh! There you go. [She hands him a quarter.] Frasier: Thanks. Um, say, uh, don't you have a coat? It's kind of cold outside. Lisa: [showing him the claim check] I just got spray paint on mine. I wanted to get it cleaned as soon as possible. Frasier: Did you put seltzer on it? Lisa: Of course. Frasier: You know a lot of people mistakenly use... Both: Lemon juice. [They laugh.] Lisa: Which never works. Frasier: No. No, and it attracts bees. Lisa: I did not know that! Frasier: Well, I'm not exactly certain that it attracts bees, but, I mean, um, it does make sense, doesn't it? Lisa: Not really, but you say it with such authority, I bought it. Frasier: [laughing and smiling] Oh...say, uh, do you play pool? Lisa: [finding the question strange] No. Frasier: [beguiled] Neither do I. Hi, my name is Frasier. [He offers his hand. Lisa takes it.] Lisa: [equally delighted] Hi! [They shake hands warmly. Fade Out.] END OF ACT 2 [Scene Z - End credits. From the dark interior of Lisa's bookstore, we see Lisa unlock the door from outside. She now has her coat back, which must mean that she and Frasier have spent a considerable time together. Frasier and Lisa enter. Frasier walks to a shelf and corrects the alphabetic misfile he had earlier mentioned to Clark. Lisa smiles, apparently appreciative. They walk out of the bookstore together and lock the door.]

Niles, Daphne and Roz feel sorry for Frasier when he tells them that he will be attending an art exhibition alone one evening. They realise that he has not had a proper relationship since Claire, and conspire to see if they can find suitable women for him to date. Niles suggests a former patient of his, Lisa, who has several interests in common with Frasier. He tries to engineer circumstances in which they could meet by chance, taking Frasier along to the bookstore which she owns, but without success. Roz then brings an artistic friend of hers called Suzanna to dinner at Frasier's apartment, but she and Frasier have a disagreement over the work of Benjamin Locklear. Finally, Martin puts Frasier in touch with a young woman called Kris, whom Frasier finds very attractive, but during their pre-dinner drinks at her favourite bar she starts playing pool with some friends and her attention disappears from Frasier almost completely. It is only when she sends him next door to get some change that his fortunes begin to improve.

fd_Veronica_Mars_01x05

fd_Veronica_Mars_01x05_0

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars LILLY: [At the carwash] I've got a secret. Cut to Veronica Running to Lilly's Body. LILLY: [Offscreen] A good one. VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been a year since my best friend Lilly Kane was murdered. Cut to Neptune High. LOGAN: That's my girlfriend. Your friend. Duncan's sister. Cut to the car wash, then to Veronica and Troy in the school hall. VERONICA: My dad wants to meet you. TROY: Do not worry, I give good parent. KEITH: [Offscreen] Actually ... Veronica and Troy kiss. Cut to the Mars' apartment. Troy is sitting on the couch. Keith is on the flesh next to it. KEITH: ... she has not told me anything about you. TROY: Well I do not know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. KEITH: Neither do I. Cut to Keith and Veronica having dinner at the apartment. KEITH: So I got a call from your counseling counsellor today. Any idea what for? VERONICA: Nope. MISS JAMES: [Offscreen] She's been late ... Cut to Miss James' office with Keith standing in front of the desk. MISS JAMES: She has attitude with some teachers. Cut to Veronica standing in the school hallway and other students fast forward around her. MISS JAMES: [Offscreen] and socially she seems to be a bit isolated. Cut to Keith poking his head round the door of Veronica's room. KEITH: I never want you to think of your mother in this. VERONICA: The hero is the one that stays and the villain is the one that splits. End previously. Scene opens in Tijuana, Mexico. It is night. A boy, who will be called Luke, is carrying a piece and is creeping about a dumpster. He exchanges an envelope hidden inside the room for something from a dumpster and looks about nervously. He walks away from the dumpster to a parked car, knocks on the window and laughs at the sound of a groan coming from inside. He climbs into the back seat and joins driver Troy and a badly hung-over Logan, sitting in the front. LUKE: Wake up! TROY: I've spent the last forty minutes listening to Logan dry-heave so you could buy a deformed pi ata? LUKE: [Laughing] Dude, everything was closed. It was the cheapest souvenir I could find. LOGAN: [Struggling] I'll say it one more time. [Pause] Juanita from the Hot Tamale? Aye-yi-yi-yi. [Laughs then gags] TROY: Whoa! What'd I tell you about drool on the leather. Dad's very strict about the car. [As the boy in the backseat laughs Logan and groans] He's the only one allowed to dry-heave in it. [Sniggers] All right. Have we had our fill of Tijuana? LOGAN: No LUKE: [Simultaneously] Yes. Troy starts up the car. Cut to the Border Inspection Station where cars queue to pass through. Vendors sell souvenir flags and goods. TROY: No, no, thank you. They pull forward. LUKE: These border checkpoints, man, they always freak me out. LOGAN: Maybe we should not volunteer for the full cavity search. They reach the checkpoint. Luke is very nervous. A customs officer leans into the driver's side window with a torch. OFFICER: Morning. TROY: Morning, sir. Troy and Logan are grinning at the Officer. OFFICER: You, uh, fellas have a good time in Mexico. TROY / LOGAN: [Simultaneously] Yes, Sir. OFFICER: Wanna go ahead and hand over your contraband. Long beat. Troys eyes widen as he looks at Logan then back at the officer. OFFICER: [Smiles] It works sometimes. Pop the trunk. Luke breathes a sigh of relief as the officer checks the boot. TROY: Anybody else hungry? LUKE: Sure. TROY: Yeah. Cut to a dinner. Logan and Luke are seated at the counter. The remains of a meal are before them. LUKE: I can not believe you're calling me a wuss. LOGAN: Mmm LUKE: I'm serious. You're the guy That can not close the deals TROY: Dude, what are you talking about? LUKE: I'm talking about that girl, that g-girl. Esmerelda? Troy returns to the counter. LOGAN: The deal was closed back VIP, my brother, make no mistake. Troy puts some money on the counter. LUKE: No way. LOGAN: [To Troy] Did you wash your hands? Troy smiles and wipes his hands on Logan's shoulder. LOGAN: Thank you. TROY: I got this boys, let's roll. Troy punches Logan on the arm. Logan groans. Border Grid & Diner - Troy leads while Logan and Luke continues their debate. LOGAN: [To Troy] All right, settle something for us, partner. Did not Luke look kind of scared when he started working on his milkshakes on him. LUKE: That's great. That's adorable. You're a good man, you're a good man. Thank you. I was not, uh, I was not scared, I was concerned. Troy, looking forward, looks concerned himself. LOGAN: Oh yeah. You've never seen a girl pick up a glass like before. The boys are standing in front of an empty car parking space. TROY: Is not this where we parked? Tell me that this is not where we parked. Please, who knows me that you can see my father's heart and that heart attack that I'm having right now is for nothing. LOGAN: Well maybe it's like Brigadoon. If you come back in a hundred years, it will be right back in this spot. LUKE: [Panicked] Troy, did you lock it? TROY: Did I lock it? Logan lies down in the space. Cut to Luke with his head buried beneath his hands as they wait outside the dinner. TROY: [To Luke] What's your problem? It's not even your ass on the line. LUKE: Yeah, I know. This just really sucks, man. LOGAN: Wow man, that's profound. TROY: My parents come home in five days. If the car is not back before my dad is, I'm going to be singing hymns and doing rosary beads before you say 'The Passion'. Veronica pulls up. VERONICA: Dude, where's your car? Troy frowns and shakes his head. VERONICA: Sorry. Troy heads for the car. VERONICA: Ah, [indicating Logan] your monkey's gonna have a ride in the back. LOGAN: Ha-ha. Nice car. [Climbing into the back seat] God, it must have been a huge cereal box. Veronica is ready to get f*cked at Logan as Luke gets in the back. TROY: Now let's let that go. Cherish these moments. Because they will probably be the last ones we spend together. [Gets in the front seat] VERONICA: Hey, I do not mind dating a guy that rides a bike. TROY: How do you feel about a guy who's being sent to Catholic school in Albuquerque? Veronica's face indicates that it would not be so cool. Opening credits. Cut to the pulling up outside a large house. Luke and Logan climb out. LOGAN: Thanks for the ride. Does this mean you're gonna play nice now? VERONICA: Walk in front of the car, we'll see. Luke laughs. As he and Logan cross the front of the car, Veronica revs the engine. Logan smiling, slaps the hat with the jacket he's carrying. LUKE: [To Logan] Can I stay in your guest house. [Pointing back to the house] I just do not want to wake my parents up this early. Logan and Luke get into Logan ' VERONICA: I have a brilliant idea. TROY: Does it involve a time machine? VERONICA: Why do not I make some phone calls and see if I can track down the car. TROY: I appreciate it but I think this is even beyond your super powers. VERONICA: Have not you heard? I've got friends in low places. TROY: Look, I can not report the stolen car 'cause my dad thinks it's still safely tucked in the garage. Which means I can not get the anti-theft homing device activated. It's-it's probably on a cargo ship to Jamaica. You know, my dad is going to send me away, he's going to track me down and he's going to kill me. VERONICA: Not if he does not find out. Let's go back to your house. TROY: And take my mind off my problems? [Giving a lecherous grin] VERONICA: And get the details on the car. Model. License number. WINE. TROY: How do you make VIN sound so hot? Veronica laughs. Cut to the front office of Mars Investigations. Wallace is heading for the desk at which Veronica is seated, carrying refreshments. WALLACE: Are you going to find Troy's stolen because over the internet? VERONICA: You'd be surprised what one can find with a few nimble keystrokes. WALLACE: All right, then, Velma. Why do not you see what you can find on, say, me. VERONICA: It's Daphne, thank you very much. Prying Eyez Dotcom, with login and password, Veronica's laptop screen fills. WALLACE: [Looking over her shoulder] What's that? VERONICA: If you're a PI with a password, this is the gateway to many a skeleton filled closet. Arrests, divorces, bankruptcies. [Gasps, then in Scooby voice] Rut-roh! Somebody got their license suspended last year. WALLACE: I got it back. Bet you do not say that. Wallace heads back around the desk. VERONICA: Wait, if I'm Daphne, what does that make you? Fred? WALLACE: [Sitting] Oh no. If I gotta be any of those white boys, I gotta be shaggy all the way baby. Shaggy's got mad flavor. VERONICA: Awwww, you still have a subscription to Mad Magazine. You're all about the flavor. Veronica closes her laptop as Keith comes from her office heading for the kitchen area. KEITH: Hey guys. VERONICA: Hi. [In a whisper to Wallace] Hey, help me out. So, for my dad's birthday, I'm thinking? Rock climbing? WALLACE: Because he loves heights? KEITH: [From the kitchen area] Not so much but keep thinking outside the box, I like it. And do not wait for me for dinner, I'll probably get out of the Italian place. VERONICA: Luigi's? Will you get some lasagna? KEITH: Some lasagna? I'm just saying last time we went to Luigi's you ate your weight in manicotti. VERONICA: And now your birthday will be spent sky-diving. [Keith laughs aloud] Alone. Cut to the Mars' apartment. Veronica comes in and greets the dog (note that this is not the same dog as in 1.01 Pilot). VERONICA: Hi buddy, hi. We'll go out in a minute. Veronica drops her keys and hits the play button. FEMALE VOICE: Hi Keith, it's me. I could be a little late to dinner since I came into work- Oh, wait a minute. Um, I'm sorry. I'm just going to call your cell. Veronica looks suspiciously at the phone as she gets herself a drink. She heads back to the phone and punches in the code to ring the last caller. FEMALE VOICE: Hi, you've reached Rebecca James in the Counseling Office at Neptune High School. I'm away- Veronica cuts off the call. VERONICA VOICEOVER: You know those people who can predict their life? I'm not one of them. Change has a way of just going up and punching me in the face. Cut to Luke's face. He is straining with something. HANK: [Offscreen] I love the effort. I mean, look at this guy, he's really working. You're pushing through the bread, man. The camera sweaters back to show a gym. Luke is lying on his back to a heavy barbell just clear of his chest. A blond man, Hank, is standing at his head. HANK: Nobody's kicking sand in your face. But, uh, you look a little tired there, tiger, so I'll tell you what. Tell me where my package is and I'll help you lighten that load. LUKE: [With effort] It's a friend's car. I'll have it for you tomorrow. HANK: [Kneeling down] OK, I'll tell you what. You got until 9am otherwise I'm gonna hunt you down and the closest thing you're gonna come to playing baseball is me shoving a beat right up your ass. Hank pats Luke on the cheek and then removes the barbell. Cut to the Mars' apartment. Keith is putting some things in a box Veronica enters from her bedroom. KEITH: Morning honey. VERONICA: What'cha doing? KEITH: Nyah, I figured I'd put the rest of your mom's stuff in storage. I do not think we need the reminders anymore, you know? VERONICA: [Getting cereal] Yeah. KEITH: You wanna take a look? VERONICA: Not so much, no. KEITH: Well, I'm gonna leave it here for now. I've got an eight o'clock. VERONICA: So, you and Miss James, huh? I would not have pegged that one. KEITH: Yeah, well, we only went out a couple of times. I did not want to make a big deal out of it. VERONICA: So do not. I get it. Companionship, needs, yada, yada, yada. It's fine. KEITH: I'm sorry you did not hear about it from me first. VERONICA: Do not sweat it. You know how many things I do not tell you? [Off Keith's look] I'm kidding. It's cool. Just next time, could you shoot for an actual teacher? Because this has no potential benefit to my grade point average. KEITH: You sure you feel okay about this? VERONICA: Yes. KEITH: Good. I like her. VERONICA: Cool. KEITH: Have a nice day. VERONICA: Keith leaves. Veronica puts down her cereal bowl and walks slowly over the box. She picks up a picture of Keith, Lianne and herself. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The best way to dull the bread of your best friend's murder is as soon as possible. It's like having a hammer, then when it's throbbing so badly you do not think you'll survive, you cut the damn thing off. [Picking up a small pile of unframed pictures] When my dad implicated the beloved Kane family in Lilly's death, I was willing to stand by him and lose everything else. Mom? Was not. There is a small envelope in the jewelery box. Veronica opens it. VERONICA VOICEOVER: A safety deposit box key? Lianne Mars' death certificate. Veronica is working on one of the screens in the school publications room. It looks like the class is wrapping up. MS DENT: Thanks everybody. Do not forget, interviewing exercise tomorrow. As Ms Dent leaves the room, Luke rushes in and over to Veronica. LUKE: [Out of breath] Hey. You're helping Troy find his dad's car, right? VERONICA: You're sweating on me. LUKE: [Taking a breath] Look, I need your help. There's something more than that. [Veronica looks at him] There was a lot of steroids in the back seat. II did a run for Hank Zigmund. He owns the Zig-Zag Sports Club. I wanted to get pumped for Varsity baseball. I was pretty much down for whatever. VERONICA: Including shrunken testicles and acne scars. Well, speaking for the women of America - Good plan! Wait. What did Troy and Logan know about this? LUKE: Nothing. I swear. [Off Veronica's disbelieving look] Yeah, all right, Logan knew but he wasn't-he was not in on anything. VERONICA: It does not matter anyway. I do not help dealers find their lost products. LUKE: [Desperately] Look, do not think of it like that, all right? Think of it like you're saving my life, I mean the guy's built like a truck. He will-he will break one of my limbs. VERONICA: [Sighs] If I were to help you, you would have to return the steroids and get your money back and then return the cash, not the drugs. LUKE: Yeah, I'll do whatever. VERONICA: I'll figure something out. Until then just lay low. Veronica grabs the death certificate as it rolls off the printer. Cut to the bank. Veronica approaches a booth. BANK TELLER: Hi. May I help you? VERONICA: Hi. My mom died last year and I just found this. Veronica sweaters out the safety deposit key. Cut to her in the vault then at the safety deposit box. She pulls out some files and some photographs. VERONICA VOICEOVER: All this time, I've been thinking Mom bolted because she could not handle everything. Maybe she could not handle me. The photographs are candid shots of Veronica against which the crosshairs of a target are drawn on each. Veronica is shocked. The scene shifts but is still on the pictures. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Looks like they used to 300mm on this one. The camera pulls back to reveal Veronica sitting at her desk at Mars Investigations. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Not bad. Definitely the work of a pro. A pro who knew my schedule quite well last year. Judging by my lack of an eight man, 24 hour security detail, I'm guessing Dad has not had the pleasure of viewing this little slideshow. Someone bangs on the door to Mars Investigations. REBECCA: Hi! VERONICA: [Closing the file] Hello. Keith comes out of his office. KEITH: [Nervously] Hey REBECCA: Hi. KEITH: I thought, uh- REBECCA: I'm guessing I'm early, right? KEITH: No, no, it's fine. It's fine. REBECCA: I'm sorry. I'm just-I was anxious. Hi. KEITH: Hi. REBECCA: Hi. KEITH: Hi. They kiss briefly as Veronica looks on bemusedly. KEITH: Uh, Veronica, Rebecca wanted to stop by and uh? REBECCA: And, uh, just say hello. Outside of school. Veronica : Well, this is a little weird, but you are not dating. Um, I'm fine. No worries. KEITH: Well, I thought, um REBECCA: And-and I agree. KEITH: that if you had the chance to talk things would seem a little less awkward. VERONICA: And are you starting to see the wrestling-22 inherent in the plan? REBECCA: As to matter of fact, I am. [Laughs] OK, well, um, is there anything I can do that would make things easier for you? VERONICA: Can you get me out of the fifth organic period? Cut to Veronica and Troy in her car. The music for "Such Great Heights" by Postal Service starts up. VERONICA: So far, it's been talking about my buddy, Earl yesterday, at the impound yard. TROY: What do I love more? Do you have a buddy named Earl that he works at the impound yard? VERONICA: I'm guessing both. No sign of the Beemer. But he can get you a great deal on a good times van. TROY: I'll get that on my dad when he gets back. Maybe he'll take a look at his gun. The lyrics kick in and will play beneath the rest of their conversation. SONG: I'm thinking it's a sign that the freckles We're perfectly aligned. And I have to speculate that God Himself Did not like to make a mistake. death. When you're out there on the road for the radio, I hope you'll be able to do that. They will see you here! Come on now! They'll see you again VERONICA: Yeah, me too. VERONICA: Here's a thought. If Tijuana was Logan 's idea then stealing the car could have been the master plan. TROY: It was more of a meeting of the minds, if you will. VERONICA: Ah, so what was the menu for this big debauchery? TROY: Let's see. From, uh, eight to nine, we brainstormed on how to overthrow Kim Jong Il. From nine to ten, we have the record of the black voters of Florida. After that it was, uh, yeah it was all donkey shows. VERONICA: So the usual? TROY: Pretty much, VERONICA: Anything else? TROY: If you wanna ask something, you just ask. VERONICA: OK. Did you meet anyone or were you followed? Did you see any suspicious activity? TROY: How about Tijuana? VERONICA: I'm not looking for DNA samples. It's just more information, the better chances of you finding it. TROY: I know. Sorry. Cut to Veronica and Troy entering the Beacon Corporation, providers of tracking recovery. Veronica approaches reception. TROY: [Quietly] So you think they're going to turn the Beacon system on just 'cause we ask sweetly? VERONICA: Well, we've tried everything else. Just watch a master at work, all right? This is what I do. Veronica walks behind you towards the office cubicles. She steps into one staffed by a young man, Roger. VERONICA: Hi, um, I'm the personal assistant to Lawrence Vandergraff. He's freaking out. He thinks his device is broken and he wants to run a diagnosis on his BMW. Here's the VIN number. Please tell me you can do this. Pretty please? Cherry on top? ROGER: [Apologetically] I-It's not really procedure. VERONICA: Well? Can it be our little secret? I've worked for the guy for two weeks and he already thinks I'm saying. ROGER: Uh, okay then. [Pointing to himself] Super Roger to the rescue [ then to the computer]. Veronica smiles thankfully then turns and winks at Troy. As she turns back into Roger's cubicle, an older official woman enters. BEACON WOMAN: Roger, what are you doing? ROGER: Um, ahh, aa simple diagnosis. Uh, BEACON WOMAN: Has the car been reported stolen? VERONICA: Wel-not exactly. BEACON WOMAN: We never activate Beacon unless the car is reported stolen. VERONICA: [Silently] Right. Veronica nods her head and heads back to Troy. He drops his head. TROY: [Silently and with a hand gesture] Smooth, Veronica. Cut to Logan's as he pulls up outside Luke's. Luke exits the car. LUKE: Ok. LOGAN: All right. LUKE: Hey uh, that-that's great. Hey! Can you pick me up tomorrow? LOGAN: Yeah. LUKE: Good, good. Logan drives off as Luke heads up the stairs towards the house. On his left an orange Hummer screeches to a halt. HANK Hey! As Hank breeds out, Luke bolts. Hank chases him for a while and then gives up a fence before a long drop. HANK: You better run you punk bitch! Cut to the High School. Logan is bent down at his locker, one of the lower ones. Veronica can be seen in the distance heading straight for him. VERONICA: Time for a cat? LOGAN: [Standing] Well. Think if hell froze over, maybe it's on the news. VERONICA: I just wanna hear more about the steroids you bought last weekend. LOGAN: You mean the steroids Luke bought. Wow! You suck at this Nancy Drew stuff. You should get a new hobby. VERONICA: So you knew he was doing it. LOGAN: [Smirks] You actually think that I would tell you anything? [On Veronica 's Veronica' s look behind him and turning to see that] Hmm [with thumb / finger circle gesture], I guess we 're done here, Officer. [Whistles] What's up, T? Logan walks between them, stares hard at Veronica and then walks away, football in hand. TROY: Hey, gorgeous. That guy bothering you? VERONICA: What guy? They kiss and Troy puts her arm around her with Veronica holding onto her hand and they walk down the corridor together. Cut to the Mars' apartment. Rebecca is looking in the bottom cupboards. Backup is helping. REBECCA: All right. Where is your sifter? Veronica has just entered. VERONICA: I do not think we have one. REBECCA: [Startled] Oh, hi! Um Rebecca extricates herself from the cupboards and stands. Veronica puts her bag on the counter as Rebecca wipes her hands. Backup jumps up on Rebecca. She laughs. VERONICA: [Abruptly] You did not give Human food backup, did you? REBECCA: Oh no, no, no. I just found his happy spot, that's all. So, um, another box of bad timing. Your dad went out for groceries' cause I'm making dinner for both of you tonight. So, uh, how was your day? VERONICA: [Coldly] Fine. How was yours? REBECCA: It was excellent, thank you. I know you guys like Italian food so I'm making fettuccine and for desert guess. VERONICA: No idea. REBECCA: Waffles and ice cream. That's your favorite, right? I have this sauce on top of vanilla ice cream on the burner Rebecca's voice fades as Veronica flashes back to her mother, in pajamas, in a different kitchen. There is a waffle on the counter behind her and an opened carton of eggs. LIANNE: So. When are we gonna cook for your boy? VERONICA: We're Mars women. Should not we play to our strengths? And who says there's a new boy? LIANNE: Do not even try that. No, wait a minute. Let me guess. Um Fisher Garret? Kenny Houseman? VERONICA: [Increasingly offended] Have we put? LIANNE: [Relieved] Thank you. Um Travis Kittlemeyer. VERONICA: [Knowingly] Ooh, I think he'd rather be dating Kenny Houseman. LIANNE: OK. Um, then, Boris- VERONICA: OK! It's Duncan Kane. Lianne 's cheery moods evaporates abruptly, replaced by one of concern and / or shock, as a warning tone emits from the iron waffle. VERONICA: [Sensing her mother's reaction] The waffle's burning. Lianne opens the iron on the charred waffle. A sound of something like Veronica back to the present. REBECCA: Oh! Oh, god, I'm so sorry. It just slipped out of my hands. VERONICA: [Joining her] It's all right. Keith enters with a bag of groceries. KEITH: Hey, how's it going in here? REBECCA: Look at this. I'm a klutz. KEITH: Ah, it was ancient anyway. Do not even worry about it. VERONICA: I really appreciate you doing this, but I actually can not stay for dinner. REBECCA: Really? KEITH: [Skeptical] Why not? VERONICA: I told a friend I'd meet him at Sac-n-Pac. It's a school project. REBECCA: [Disappointed] Oh well, I-I'll ask first next time. Make sure you're available. VERONICA: Thanks for cooking. I'll try the pasta when I get home. KEITH: [Pointedly] Which will not be too late. VERONICA: Have a good night. Veronica exits. Cut to a yard breakers. A bike comes into the yard and one of the men heads over to meet it. WEEVIL: [Offscreen] Angel! How's business? Veronica and Weevil come into view as Angel and Weevil high five and hug. ANGEL: [In Spanish, translation by subtitle] Have you found the Lexus that I asked you about? Weevil nods then turns his head to Veronica. WEEVIL: This is Veronica. She's the girl that got me out of juvie. I told you about her. Look, she's looking for a car. A green BMW 740i. It should have been here a couple of days ago. ANGEL: [In Spanish, translation by subtitle] It came and went. We left it really cool. [Casting a glance at Veronica] Tell her that the customer has the receipt and the registration in order, like all my clients. And I do not even remember his name. WEEVIL: Yeah, I hear you. ANGEL: [In Spanish, translation by subtitle] And nephew, do not bring people I do not know. WEEVIL: All right. They clasp hands and bump chests. VERONICA: Did you ask him about the pi ata? WEEVIL: Oh, yeah. One more thing, uh. Did you happen to see a pi ata? ANGEL: [In Spanish, translation by subtitle] Mario took it. It's his daughter's birthday. WEEVIL: Gracias, Tio. [To Veronica as they walk back to Weevil's bike] So the car w- VERONICA: Was chopped. Your uncle will not say for who, but the papers are in order blah, blah, blah. Please tell me you know where Mario lives, because we need to get that pi ata right away. Weevil is impressed. WEEVIL: Baby, I'll buy a pi ata. VERONICA: [Sweetly] Will you buy me pi ata full of steroids? Cut to Weevil and Veronica on his bike, looking for Mario's. WEEVIL: I've only been here once. VERONICA: [Pointing] Uh, maybe that one. Where are the balloons? Weevil heads for it and stops outside a garden where children's party is in motion. A child is banging on the pi ata. VERONICA: Yeah, this has to be it. Veronica breeds off the bike. VERONICA: Stop, stop. Just as she reaches the child, the pi ata splits and spills its contents to the ground. The children scamper to collect the small sweets in wrappers. Veronica watches, stunned and confused, then leaves the mothers chatter in Spanish about her behavior. VERONICA: Sorry, sorry. Cut to the inside of the girls' restroom. The door crashes open as Veronica forcefully pulls Luke into the room. She flings to the wall and checks that the cubicles are empty. LUKE: Gee! Am I in trouble? What? God! VERONICA: We need to talk. LUKE: All right. But does it have to be feminine hygiene machine? VERONICA: Yeah. Get over it. Look, I found the pi ata and it is not full of steroids. You're out of options. If you want Ziggy off your back, you're going to have to buy him off. LUKE: Veronica, you do not understand. If I go to him without any steroids, cash or no cash, he's going to hurt me. Bad VERONICA: Well, you let me worry about that. You worry about getting the money. LUKE: Yeah, how? What do you think I've got e-eight big stashed away in my other wallet? VERONICA: [Angrily] Figure it out! Veronica storms out of the restroom into the hall, thinking hard. As she looks up, she sees the door to the school administration office. There is a poster on it that says: She breaks and flashes her exiting that office. Lianne is gripping Veronica's arm, leading her. VERONICA: Mom, what are you doing here? Where are we going? LIANNE: Ooh, I just thought it would be nice to spend some time together. I thought we could visit Aunt Sheryl. VERONICA: In Palm Springs? Mom, I can not go to Palm Springs. I have a history test and a Spanish project due. LIANNE Honey, please. Do not make this hard. [Whispers] Just come with me, okay? VERONICA VOICEOVER: [As we return to Veronica in the hall] Three days later she was gone. At the time I thought it was just one of my favorite things. I chalked her nerves up to the vodka. But now I think she really was scared. Cut to Veronica's room. The music is Santana's "Put Your Lights On" with Everlast. Veronica is putting on cell phones in envelopes. VERONICA VOICEOVER: People rarely cut all their ties, even when they try. If it's going to be there, it's going to be a good thing, I'm going to be able to meet you, maybe it's going to be safe for me to call me. It's my version of a message in a bottle. Veronica breaks her activity when she hears the front door of the apartment. She walks out slowly towards her father, who has just come in. SONG: Hey now, all you sinners VERONICA: One more hour and one can actually make a walk of shame. SONG: ut your your your KEITH: Let's say I'm gonna play the dad and go to bed. That all right? SONG: Hey now VERONICA: Actually I need your help. KEITH: What's up? SONG: all you lovers Put your lights on, put your lights on VERONICA: Troy Got His dad's car stolen On His way back from Tijuana and we're try trying to find it before His dad gets back so he's not shipped off to boarding school in Albuquerque. SONG: Hey now, KEITH: Hmm. He's important to you, is not he? VERONICA: Yes, he is. SONG: Put your lights on, put your lights on VERONICA: Keith laughs tiredly. SONG: Hey now, all you children KEITH: I'll be nice to your boyfriend if you're nice to my girlfriend. SONG: Leave your lights on KEITH: Veronica? SONG: you better leave your lights on VERONICA: Deal. KEITH: Good morning. SONG: The ill aha, we fade away. VERONICA: Good night. Both go to their rooms. Cut to Beacon Corporation. Keith walks into the Cubicle of Beacon Woman as she enjoys her salad at her desk. BEACON WOMAN: Can I help you? KEITH: James Anderson, head of security for LT Vandergraff. BEACON WOMAN: Sorry, I'm not sure I- KEITH: Do you know who Mr Vandergraff is? You will be named after the lawsuit he files against your employer. Now, I know you value him as a customer. He really values this car, so we need to run a drill. You look like a smart lady. Do yourself a favor and turn his system on now. She does. Keith smiles. LUKE: [Offscreen] This is insane. Cut to Neptune High School where Luke is sat in front of a computer screen. Veroncia is coming to a leaf. LUKE: I mean, two thousand bucks with four bids? These people have no idea what a Barry Bonds' ball's worth. VERONICA: No, it's classic bidding strategy. They wait 'til the end of the auction. Try hitting refresh. LUKE: [Unhappily] Classic bidding. VERONICA: See, there you go. Twenty-eight hundred. We're almost there. LUKE: No, we're not almost there. [Snorts with disgust] III can not do this. I mean, you have no idea what I was going through to get this ball. You have no idea what it's going to be when he retires, VERONICA: [Patiently, with gestures] Luke. A ball or your life. You do the math. [Losing her patience] It's a ball! LUKE: Yeah, it- Luke slaps his hand on the desk. Cut to Troy and Veronica outside under a tree. TROY: What are you doing after school? Wanna come over and play detective? VERONICA: How are you laid back? I mean, if we do not find this car, we're done. This. Over. Does not scare you? TROY: Yes, it does. I mean it scares the hell out of me. VERONICA: Then why do you seem so- TROY: Let's just say that you've been told 72 hours to live. How do you spend them? You can dig through medical texts for a miracle cure or you can make those 72 hours the best three days of your life. And I choose sexy fun time. VERONICA: Well, I choose a miracle cure. Wallace wanders over. WALLACE: I do not get something. Why are your parents going to prison in Albuquerque? Seriously. What's wrong with a good old-fashioned grounding? TROY: I'll get you to call you. Get some parenting advice. WALLACE: Happy to help. Wallace leaves as Troy and Veronica stare at each other. MS DENT: [Offscreen] Remember. Cut to the journalism classroom. [SCENE_BREAK] MS DENT: Start with light, easy questions first. Let your subject get comfortable. Veronica and a snooty looking brunette, Ashley Banks, sit facing each other. ASHLEY: So, Ms Mars. How do you respond to the rumors that your boyfriend strikes with strippers in Tijuana last weekend? VERONICA: Ms Banks. Have you decided which parent are you going to live with after the divorce? And if I can, follow up. Can you believe your father's choice in mistresses? Ms Banks is stung. MS DENT: [Offscreen] Veronica, I need to speak with you after class, please. Cut to later. MS DENT: You look ready for a fight. VERONICA: I get that a lot. I guess it's just my usual expression. MS DENT: [Sighs heavily] How do you think Ashley's going to sleep tonight? VERONICA: I did not know anything deep down. MS DENT: Maybe. But sometimes the lie we we are believed to be for our own good. Veronica digests this] You coming? VERONICA: Uh, in a minute. Research. VERONICA VOICEOVER: [Heading for the computers] Poor Ms Dent. She can not see the big picture yet. Love is an investment. Information is insurance. With someone whose heart has already been crushed, I say you can not be too careful. Veronica pulls up Dotcom Prying Eyez. She is going to the background Check page. Cut to later at Mars Investigations. Veronica walks into Keith's office with a hint of trepidation. She walks into Keith's office. KEITH Hey, there you are. I wanted to ask you a favor. I know you got something planned for my birthday, but it was so, you know, hoping it would be, uh, fine if, you know, before we went to do cook us dinner, because she's a great cook. VERONICA: [Sombrely, placing the file on his desk] I think you should look at that. Veronica turns away and walks slowly back to the desk in the outer office. Keith opens the file and examines it. Veronica looks over at him. VERONICA: Did you know she was still married? KEITH: I did not. I'm still married, Veronica. VERONICA: And that she was arrested for passing bad checks? Keith rises from his desk and walks into the outer office. KEITH: When was she 21. [Holding out the print from Prying Eyez] What were you thinking, Veronica? I'm your father. What made you think you had the right to do something like this? VERONICA: What are you talking about, have the right? This-this is what we do. This is how we survive. I was trying to protect you. KEITH: [Angry] Protect me? I'm an adult, Veronica! Keith drops on Veronica's desk and heads back into his own office. VERONICA: You've got her life going like it's no big deal! KEITH: [From behind his desk] Oh, it's a big deal. It's a huge deal. [Heading back towards Veronica] Makes me feel good about myself. Wanted in a way that I have not in a long time. It makes me wake up with a smile on my face. And we did not ignore your feelings. We tried to make you feel comfortable but you're a snotty. Keith heads back to his desk again. Veronica follows. VERONICA: Mom is still out there somewhere. Do you even care if she ever comes back? KEITH: You did not care until I started dating. You ' VERONICA: [With more distress] You can find anybody! If you were a criminal, you'd make a great pair of tracking her down and have a back in a week. KEITH: Well, maybe I do not care to find her. Have you ever considered that? Veronica is stunned into silence by that. KEITH: And here. [Taking out a card and heading towards his desk] I've turned your boyfriend's security system on. [Slapping it down on her desk] There's the code. Veronica slowly follows him out. Keith spins round and enters his office, closing the door very firmly behind him. Veronica sits at her desk and leans her head into her hands, sobbing quietly. She sniffs, wipes to tear and pick up her pen. But she's still too upset and throws it aside, returning her head to her hands as she cries. TROY: [Offscreen] Sure you're all right? Cut to Troy and Veronica, late, in her car. Veronica has a handheld tracker which is beeping. VERONICA: Would you stop asking me that? I need to concentrate. The signal is weaving all over the place. It's weird. TROY: You think they know that we're on them. VERONICA: Maybe, but it looks like it's going in between buildings. I do not get it. The car pulls up in an empty street. They get out of the car. VERONICA: It says this is the street. Seems like an unlikely place to hide a stolen car, here in mansion land. TROY: You think it's a garage? VERONICA: No, the signal is still moving all around. It's-it's right on top of us. They look ahead. There is a whine and there a yellow lab with the tracking device attached to its collar. TROY: Please tell me that a dog is not supposed to be the BMW. VERONICA: You think your dad'll notice? Troy gives her a look. TROY: Yeah. Cut to the Mars' apartment. It is morning. Keith is in the kitchen, pondering. He hears Veronica as she comes into the kitchen. KEITH: [Softly] You want some breakfast? VERONICA: No thanks, I'm just going to grab an apple. Keith is staring at something on the counter behind Veronica. She turns and looks behind her. It is a file marked with Troy's name. She picks it up. KEITH: That's for you. It's everything you can know about Troy. You can open it, you can throw it out. It's your choice. Keith walks away. Veronica stares after him for a moment, then looks down on the file in her hands. Keith first puts Rebecca out of school. They are sitting alone on a bench against the window wall. Rebecca has one arm around Keith. Her other hand plays with Keith's on the table. She recognizes that Keith is struggling with something and watches him intently. She leaves her wrist resting on her shoulder. KEITH: [Sadly] I just do not know how to say this. Keith sighs heavily. Rebecca looks up, recognizing what is coming. She lets go of Keith's hand and her own together, her forearm still resting on her shoulder. REBECCA: Keith, just pull the band-aid off. [She expels her breath in a nervous and soft laugh] The furrowed brow and the-the breaks are killing me. KEITH: I can not see you anymore. REBECCA: [Long pause] OK. Rebecca backs off a little, taking her arm from her shoulder. KEITH: I can not do this to Veronica. She's not ready to see me dating yet. I'm sorry. [Pause] I'm sorry, but she's having a really hard time. REBECCA: Can you do me a favor? KEITH: Of course. REBECCA: Can you just tell me it's another reason like, like a crappy one? Your being a good father is not really something I can bitch about to my girlfriends over margaritas. Keith cups Rebecca's head and draws her to him. Cut to Neptune High. Veronica is waiting outside the lockers in an empty hallway. TROY: Hey sexy. Give me a kiss, make all my troubles disappear? VERONICA: All your troubles? That would be a lot of kissing. [As Troy opens his locker] I'm just glad we were not dating when you were kicked out of those two schools for drug possession and trafficking, my lips would have fallen off. TROY: A-huh. Well good morning to you, too. VERONICA: Although, back then, Shauna was doing most of the kissing, was not she? You remember Shauna, do not you? You were kicked out of Pembrooke in Connecticut with her for marijuana possession and then out of St. Mary's in Boston. You crazy kids never learn. So I'm sure that you knew nothing about Luke picking up steroids in TJ? TROY: What are you talking about, steroids? VERONICA: [Wagging her finger] Do not even- TROY: Look, look, I do not know anything about Luke and steroids. Yeah, I got busted in Boston with some dope and big deal. VERONICA: You got busted for drug possession and trafficking! TROY: Yeah, so, that was two years before we even put. What does that have to do with us now? VERONICA: TROY: Maybe I would've. You ever think of that? Maybe after I know you for more than a month, I'd tell you my deep dark secrets. Or is that too much of a character flaw? Waiting for the girl to like you before you tell me the things you're not so proud of? I do not have to tell you that. You're Veronica Mars. You know everything. Troy shakes his head and turns and walks away. Veronica stares uncertainly after him. From behind her, Luke rounds the corner. He is holding an envelope. LUKE: Hey. I got it all. Eight big. And a little slice of my soul. VERONICA: [Crossly] Woe is you. Veronica snatches the envelope and trounces off. Luke extends his hands in a 'What did I do?' gesture and follows. Cut to Verona and Backup climbing some stairs. HANK: [Offscreen] Saturday night Veronica reaches Zig Zag's Club, the gym where Luke was, uh, worked out. Hank is on his cell. HANK: I'm looking forward to see you again at Brighton VERONICA: Hey. HANK: [To his caller] I'll, uh, talk to you later, all right. Hank shuts down the cell and looks up at Veronica. VERONICA: Is that Hummer downstairs with the Z-Meister flat yours? HANK: Abso-damn-lutely. VERONICA: Wow. Cool, I guessed right. HANK: So, um ... you here to get pumped? VERONICA: Not exactly. I'm here to settle Luke's account. Hank abruptly changes from flirt to bully as he stands. HANK: Why do not we step in my office? Backup barks. VERONICA: That's okay. I'd rather talk out here. HANK: Well, I would not. VERONICA: [On Backup's growl] Wah, he would. Backup barks a couple times to reinforce the point. HANK: You know, darling, unless you're blind, you're going to take your doggie outside. VERONICA: You can try explaining that to him because he never listens to me. Veronica's cell rings. HANK: You do not understand- VERONICA: Hold on one sec. Veronica holds out her cell, saying that she is taking the call. She takes the opportunity to take a picture of Hank before answering. VERONICA: Yeah? [Listens] Oh, hey Wallace. Not much, you? Hank glares at Veronica and, on Backup's bark, at the dog. VERONICA: No, not at all. No. Piece of cake. [Breaks] Yeah, thanks. She smiles at Hank as she terminates the call. She reaches into the bag and pulls out the envelope taken from Luke. VERONICA: [Hank handing the envelope] Here's the big eight you fronted Luke. You two are square now. HANK: [Taking the envelope and examining the contents] Well, I'm gonna take the big eight, but we do not square, you see, the little bitch let me down and I'm gonna have to make him pay. Veronica nods. VERONICA: Remember this moment. 'Cause you're gonna regret it. Toodles. Veronica heads back to the stairs, dragging Backup behind her. Hank stares after her, malevolently. Cut to Veronica's cell and the picture she has taken from Hank. The cell closes and the camera moves to the picture loading on the laptop screen. Veronica puts down the phone and hits the keyboard. The screen indicates the 12th image of the picture is printing. Veronica readies a pen and paperback to the printer to a black and white print of Hank on Mars Investigations headed paper. She writes something on the space and places it in the fax. She punches in a number and it starts to roll through. Cut to a driveway. Troy and an older man walking towards a taxi waiting. TROY: I can do better, I swear, just give me another chance. TROY'S DAD: You've used up all your chances. You gotta learn discipline and respect. TROY: [Plaintively] Dad, please. I'm sorry, I'm TROY'S DAD: [Implacable] It's too late for apologies, Troy. You've made your bed. He walks away leaving Troy staring after him. Troy sighs in resignation. TROY: Huh, yeah. He turns and heads for the taxi. Cut to a lopsided chocolate cake with a single candle in the shape of a question mark in the center. KEITH: [Offscreen] Wow, that's some cake. The camera pulls back to reveal Keith and Veronica sitting at the kitchen counter in their apartment. VERONICA: Is not it, though? KEITH: I love it. Ever notice how do you make things just to the left? VERONICA: [Cocking her head to check, then, confidently] I do that on purpose. Keith laughs as Veronica hands out the cutlery. KEITH: What time is Rebecca coming? KEITH: She's not. VERONICA: [Surprised] Oh. II already canceled the birthday surprise. I was gonna take you to see Santana at the Bowl. KEITH: I'm not seeing her anymore. Keith lets out a big sigh, then picks up his fork. VERONICA: Dad, you do not have- [Pauses] Sorry. I obviously know nothing about relationships. KEITH: But you can bake and that's important. VERONICA: [Guiltily] It's your birthday. You should be happy. KEITH: And what better way to spend it? VERONICA: No, I- you should- KEITH: I should VERONICA: be- KEITH: [Without pause] be able to do whatever I want because it's my birthday. I just wanna have a piece of cake with my daughter and that's all I want. VERONICA: [Lighting the candle] Well, happy birthday, Pop. KEITH: Thanks, kid. VERONICA: Do not forget to make a wish. Keith smile, his eyes closed for a moment, seriously contemplates the cake and leans forward to blow out the candle. Veronica mimics him. VERONICA: [Laughing and picking up the knife to cut the cake] Good one. To the opening strains of "The New Kid" by Old 97's, cut to the USA Border Grille & Diner. Troy's taxi has already got pulled up and as Troy gets out, the driver takes his case from the boot. SONG: The new kid, he ' TROY: [Getting some cash out of his pocket] Let's uh, keep this between us, all right? Troy slaps the money into the driver 's hand and takes his case. SONG: He's got the goods but he's not Good for his word Troy enters the restroom of the dinner. He removes a package from a wind in the ceiling. SONG: I should be rolling in it Troy gets into the BMW retooling and drives off. He's feeling pretty smug. SONG: I've been working stiff As for justice The new kid he's got my girl Troy's cell rings. He grabs it as he drives. SONG: The girl I used to have He got the looks you know TROY: Hello. SONG: Got them from his dad SHAUNA: Hey baby, it's Shauna. TROY: Can you feel the heat yet? SONG: I should be kissing that girl TROY: I am getting so close, baby, your panties should burst into flames any minute now. SONG: We should be so in love There is no justice SHAUNA: Troy, what's with this girl calling me? You gave her my number? SONG: There's just dark stars above TROY: Oh, whoa. What girl? SHAUNA: Some girl named Veronica. SONG: I'm gonna toil away Until my judgment day TROY: [Disturbed] Uh, did not you see me soon, did you? SONG: I will be rewarded for SHAUNA: She caught me off guard. What was I- SONG: The good things I did Troy cuts Shauna off and grabs and rips open the package in something of a panic. SONG: Believe me every year There is another one here Candies spill out of the package together with a note. Troy grabs the notes and sets it against the steering wheel to read it. SONG: Do not you see, I used to be the new kid. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Sorry we did not get a chance to say goodbye, just wanted to wish you good luck at your new school and leave you to remember me by. It took me to a place where you were alone, right? In case you're wondering, the pacific Ocean Ocean. Say hi to Shauna for me. She sounds like a keeper. TROY: [Hitting the steering wheel] Damn it! [And again] Damn it! [And again] Damn it! Troy hangs his head and bangs the steering wheel yet again. Cut to the border customs sign advising declaration of all articles acquired outside the US. The various vendors show off their wares, Hank's Hummer. The light turns from green to green and Hank pulls forward. Hank's picture and her message: Hank "Ziggy" Zigman. Orange hummer - flat license: Z-Meister. He rips it from the board and approaches Hank. OFFICER: Mr Zigman! [Holding up the fax] You wanna go ahead and turn over your contraband? Hank just stares at the fax and at the officer. OFFICER: Step out of the car please. Hank gives a big sigh and drops his head, remembering the moment. Cut to Veronica. She is lying on her bed, eyes closed, listening to "Such Great Heights" by the Postal Service through headphones from a portable player resting on her stomach. She does not realize that she is vibrating on her desk. It stops and can be heard. LIANNE: Hello sweetheart. Cut to Lianne March, now with shorter hair, standing with her back against the wall of a sports stadium entry area. LIANNE: First of all, I miss you so much. More than you could possibly imagine. You know what? I did not get one of your letters, but I will not tell you which one because I do not want you to try and find me. Veronica, you listen to me. I know you have a million questions but everything will make sense when the time is right, I promised. Cut back to the oblivious Veronica, barely nodding her head to the music. LIANNE: [Offscreen] I'll be in touch soon. Trust me, okay? I love you. SONG: They would see you like this great heights LIANNE: [Offscreen] And could you tell your father I said happy birthday? SONG: 'Come down now', they'll say But everything looks perfect from far away 'Come down Fade. End.

Troy's father's car is stolen and Veronica has only a limited amount of time to find it before Troy is shipped off to a Catholic boarding school. Veronica finds a set of photographs in her mother's safe deposit box which depict Veronica centered in telescopic sights . Lianne calls Veronica and says that she is fine, and that everything will make sense when the time is right.

fd_Angel_02x10

fd_Angel_02x10_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Angel: "There are forces at work here that you know nothing about." Kate: "You think I'm gonna stand by while you and your playmate finish the game?" Kate: "Police. Nobody move." Kate shoots at Angel, Angel bites her, Kate see Menlo's gun pointed at her. Angel whispers: "Stay down or they'll kill you." Kate slides to the floor and after a moment her eyes drift shut. Kate puts her hand over the bite mark as she looks out the window next to her desk. Holland: "Darla. How are you?" Darla: "I'm fine, Holland." Angel: "They brought her back and now I need to know why. Why like this? Why human?" Angel: "You've been given a second chance. Don't throw that away before you have the opportunity..." Darla: "I'm dying." Lindsey: "Syphilitic heart condition. Terminal." Angel: "I'm not gonna leave you. Every moment you have left, I'm gonna be by your side. You're never gonna be alone again." Lindsey and his goons burst in, taser Angel, restrain Darla. Lindsey: "How did you think this would end?" Dru walks in and vamps Darla while Angel watches, unable to prevent it. Gunn walks into the Hyperion's lobby supporting Angel. Through the doors to the garden court we can see that it is bright day outside. Gunn: "We're almost there. We're almost there. Yo! Anybody home?" Cordy hurrying down the steps: "Oh my God! Angel!" Wesley: "What happened?" Gunn: "I don't know. He's been kind of in and out. I only got half the story. The half that didn't make sense." Wesley: "Angel?" He walks Angel over to the sofa, with Wesley helping on Angel's other side. Angel: "It's no, it's no time. No, no time." Wesley: "Okay. Okay. Let's sit him down here." They drop Angel onto the sofa. Cordy: "Where was he?" Gunn: "Coming from the motel." Cordy: "*Darla's* motel?" Angel: "Should have heard them." Gunn: "I managed to get him to the truck without him bursting into flames or anything." Wesley: "He's hurt." Gunn: "Place was a wreck. Something went down there, something not good." Wesley: "Angel?" Angel: "I was just so - so tired." Cordy: "Where is Darla?" Gunn: "I don't know. She wasn't there." Cordy: "I knew it. She did this to him. I knew she couldn't be trusted!" Angel: "She's dead." Cordy: "What?!" Angel: "I should have stopped them. They made her drink." Wesley: "Angel?" Angel: "She didn't want to. You think - that you can resist, but then it's-it's-it's too late." Wesley: "Someone made Darla drink?" Angel: "It was her." Cordy: "Okay, way too many pronouns here. Who's 'her'?" Angel pushes himself up off the couch: "Drusilla." Cordy: "Drusilla's here?" Wesley: "Good Lord." They follow Angel into the office. Gunn: "Who's Drusilla?" Angel starts to look through his desk for something. Wesley: "Angel? - Angel..." Gunn: "Am I right in guessing this Drusilla got a set of teeth on her?" Wesley: "Yes. She's a vampire." Gunn: "I think I'm starting to get the picture now." Angel slams the drawer of his desk shut. Cordy winces. Wesley to Angel: "Perhaps you should sit down." Angel: "I have to find her." Cordy: "Drusilla?" Angel starts to search through a cabinet behind the desk. Gunn: "She probably ain't in *there*." Cordy: "He's delirious." Angel: "I can save her." Wesley: "Save whom?" Angel: "Darla." Wesley crouches down beside him while Angel continues to frantically search through the cabinet. Wesley: "Angel, if what you've been saying is so there's no saving Darla. It's too late." Angel: "It's not too late!" Wesley puts a hand on Angel's shoulder: "It is! She's dead already and come nightfall she will rise again." Angel: "She won't. (He stands up spinning a big wood stake in his hand) I can save her from that." Intro. Gunn is pacing while Wesley is working on the laptop. Gunn: "Okay. I'm still trying to get this family tree straight. - Darla sired Angel." Wesley: "Correct." Gunn: "And Angel sired this Drusilla?" Wesley: "Back when he and Darla were together, yes." Gunn: "But before Angel got his soul back, right?" Wesley looking up: "Certainly." Gunn: "Now these lawyers, they brought Darla back as human. Now this Drusilla-vamp goes and bites Darla?" Wesley: "So it would seem." Gunn: "Making her a vampire again." Wesley sitting back: "That's the cosmological upshot, yes. Darla's human self has died and sometime before dawn, unless Angel can stop it, she will rise again, a soulless demon." Gunn: "So that means..." Wesley goes back to typing: "The clock is ticking." Gunn: "No, no, what I'm saying is, that means the granddaughter remade the grandmother." Wesley: "Oh... - yes." Gunn: "Man, somehow that weirds me out more than the whole bloodsucking thing." Angel walks in, grabs a clear container of blood out of the small office fridge. Wesley: "How do you feel?" Angel takes a drink: "What do you got?" Wesley: "Uhm, sunset is at 5:47 P.M. which is (looks at his watch) *was* six minutes ago, and sunrise is at 6:15 A.M." Angel has almost finished the blood in the container. Angel: "It could happen anytime before then. (To Cordy) Anything?" Cordy gets up from behind the desk she has been sitting at and comes over. Cordy: "Lindsey McDonald's assistant says he *is* in the office, but he's in a meeting. Has been all day." Angel: "Right." Angel sets the unfinished container of blood on the table next to Wesley and goes to put on his coat, while Gunn looks down at the blood. Wesley: "Angel, you realize you can't go into those offices undetected." Angel: "And I'm not going to. That's what they want me to do." Wesley: "You don't believe you'd find him there anyway." Angel: "I was at the only meeting Lindsey McDonald had today." Cordy: "So where are you going then?" Angel turning to go: "To his home." Gunn: "I'll go with you." Wesley gets up: "Yes. We all will." Angel: "No. You're all staying here." Cordy: "You can't go in uninvited, remember? You need *us*!" Angel: "Not this time." Cordy: "So, what's the plan? Stand outside his door and make remarks?" Angel: "He already invited me in once. This time when I kick that door down, I go through it - alone." The three of them watch Angel leave. Lindsey's apartment high-rise, night. Angel kicks in Lindsey's door and stands in the doorway surveying a completely cleaned-out apartment. Slowly walks in, looking around, shaking his head, moistening his lips and swallows. Behind him a woman appears in the open door to the hall. Woman: "Excuse me. The open house isn't until Saturday." Angel: "The man who was living here, do you know where he went?" Woman walks in: "Moved." Angel: "When?" Woman: "Ah, the truck was here yesterday." Angel: "Did he leave a forwarding address?" Woman: "Well, I really - can't give out..." Angel: "This is an emergency. It's regarding a - a mutual friend who's in need of some immediate - medical attention." Woman: "Well, he's asked that I - forward everything to his place of employment. - Do you know where that is?" Angel: "Yeah. (Starts to leave) - Thanks." Woman: "This is about the - cousin, isn't it?" Angel turns back: "Cousin?" Woman: "That sweet, but very odd English girl who was visiting him?" Angel: "Yeah. Yes, it is." Woman: "I knew that pregnancy was in trouble the moment she told me about it. Thin as a rail. Couldn't be healthy - for the baby." Angel: "She said she was having a baby?" Woman: "She was very excited about getting the nursery ready for the birth. I offered to show her some two-bedroom..." Angel (to himself): "Of course. Dru would want the ritual." Woman: "...but she wasn't interested. I-I think she wanted something on the west side anyway. She insisted that her daughter would be born near the stars." Angel: "Stars." Woman: "Well, she's foreign. I explained to her you can live your whole life in Los Angeles and never even see a star." Dru pushes open an overhead window with a long rod, looking straight up into the camera. Dru: "I can hear them singing to me." We get a shot of the starry night sky then see Lindsey looking at Darla's body laid out on top of a greenhouse table. Lindsey: "So this place works for you?" Dru: "Oh, yeah. (She moves one hand in a circular motion above Darla's body) Grandmother is very pleased with it. - I can tell. - Aren't you, Grandmother? (Leans down over Darla) My daughter." Lindsey: "Can she hear you?" Dru turns to him: "She's *dead.*" Lindsey: "Oh - of course." Dru: "Shh, just for now." Lilah walks in, followed by Holland. Lilah leaning in close to Lindsey: "Think maybe *now* you've got a shot with her?" Lindsey: "Lilah..." Lilah: "Don't let me interrupt you." Holland: "Drusilla, you are positively glowing." Dru: "I'm going to be a mummy." Holland: "Yes. Yes, you are. Is there anything you need? Anything at all?" Dru: "No." Holland: "Well if you find you do, you know how to get in touch with us. Now we would all *love* to - stay for the birth, but we have a previous engagement we must prepare for." Dru: "I have preparations to make myself." Holland: "Of course you do, and we'll leave you to it then." Holland leaves, gathering Lilah up with a look, then notices that Lindsey, instead of following, is just standing there looking down at Darla. Holland: "Lindsey?" Lindsey: "Ah, maybe I should stay." Holland: "This is a *family* matter, Lindsey. We best leave it that way." Lindsey hesitates for a moment as Dru starts to sing to Darla, then follows Holland out. Dru: "Run and catch, run and catch, the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch." Dru looks down at Darla and starts to giggle. Cordy hands Angel some sheets of paper. Cordy: "Okay, here's the list of local cemeteries, funeral homes and mausoleums." Gunn: "You telling me we got to go to every one of these places and start digging up fresh graves?" Angel: "Drusilla will want to put the body in the ground." Wesley: "Angel, are you certain about this? A burial isn't necessary for a newly made vampire to..." Angel: "It would be for Drusilla. She's a classicist." Cordy: "She's a loony." Angel: "Forget mausoleums. Stick with cemeteries, something with a view of the night sky." Cordy: "So, just outside cemeteries then." Angel turning away: "Yeah." Gunn: "Doesn't narrow it down much." Wesley: "If it's just a burial she's after - one doesn't need a cemetery for that, I'm afraid, just - *dirt* really." Cordy: "Still not narrowing. Whole planet? Pretty much made up of dirt." Angel: "Maybe I'm looking at this wrong. - Dru doesn't see this thing as a death - but as a birth. She talked about getting the nursery ready." Wesley: "Angel, I fear you may be looking for a logical pattern in the rantings of someone who doesn't think logically." Angel: "Soil. - Soil near the stars. She said she wanted to be near the stars. She used to - talk to the stars. She spent *hours* in my garden in Sunnydale, communing with the night sky." Gunn: "Maybe she didn't mean baby nursery. - Well you said she liked the garden. Plant nursery's got the dirt - the view - and it's more of a birthplace than a death place. Maybe if we look for one up high that'll be it." Cordy: "Maybe look for one that has a relationship with Wolfram and Hart." Wesley: "Large firm like theirs, they may do business with a corporate supplier. We get an outside shot of Dru's greenhouse, sitting on top of a building. Angel drops down onto the roof and walks towards it. Inside he finds a large seedbed table filled with dirt. He runs his hands over the surface of the dirt then carefully starts to brush some of it aside at one end of the table, revealing the head of a shroud-wrapped body. He carefully pulls the thin shroud back to reveal Darla's face. He stands there, looking down at her for a moment, then pulls a stake out of his pocket. He slowly raises it with both hands, never taking his eyes off Darla. Hesitates for a moment, then raises his hands over his head and stabs down - just as Dru hits him over the head from behind with a shovel throwing him down across the seed-table. Angel turns to look who's attacking him and gets hit again, dropping him to the ground. Dru: "That's not a fitting gift at all for our newborn grandmummy." Angel tries to get up and she hits him over the head again, sending him back on all fours groaning. Dru: "I saw you coming, my lovely. The moon showed me. It told me to come into the twentieth century." Angel slowly getting up: "It's the Twenty-first century, Dru." Dru: "Hmm, I'm still lagging." She kicks the shovel up under his chin, throwing him back against the wall, just as Darla wakes with a gasp. Angel and Dru fight, and Angel is finally giving as good as he gets, while Darla is sitting up behind them, gasping and staring around the room. Angel breaks the shovel handle off in Dru's hand, knocks her down and rushes over to the table with the broken wooden handle raised, ready to stake Darla, only to see the empty indentation of her body in the dirt. He looks around for her, when he's suddenly grabbed by his throat and lifted about a foot off the ground - by Darla. He tries to remove her hand from his throat but can't budge it. Dru: "Now everybody's home." Break. Angel is still dangling in the air. Dru: "Baby's up from her little nap." Darla looks around at Dru and Angel chops down on her extended elbow, breaking her grip on him, and throws her headfirst into some planters. He quickly picks up his stake and heads for Darla, but Dru tackles him and gets the stake away from him. He kicks her off and jumps back to his feet. Dru throws him on top of one of the tables and tries to stake him with the broken shovel handle, while he rolls his upper body from side to side to avoid her stabs. Angel kicks Dru off and just manages to grab a hold of Darla before she runs out of the greenhouse. He pulls her back, and Darla turns his own motion against him, crashing them both into the table. The two of them shoot up, smashing the glass in the ceiling with their heads, then Darla tosses Angel across the room. Dru: "Grandmum." Dru puts a hand on Darla's shoulder, but Darla just tosses her away. Darla sees Angel getting back up and runs towards him and tackles him backwards through the glass wall of the greenhouse, landing them both outside on the roof. Dru jumps out through the hole and Darla, now in vamp face, tackles her to the ground and shakes her while Dru just laughs. Angel pulls Darla off Dru and tosses her across the roof, bends to pick up a stake, then goes to stake Darla. But he hesitates when he sees her, back in human face, looking around herself in confusion then up at him. Darla: "Angel?" Angel pulls his arm back to stake her, but again Dru tackles him, throws him back against the greehouse. Darla gets up and runs to the edge of the roof, looks over, gets up on the edge and steps off just as Angel is getting back up. Angel runs to the edge and looks down to the street (about four to five stories below?) but there is no sign of Darla anywhere. Angel looks around the roof for Dru, but she has vanished as well. Angel comes hurrying back into the lobby where the others are waiting for his return. Cordy: "How'd it go?" Angel: "Everyone gear up. Grab something sharp. We need to move fast." Cordy: "I'm gonna guess not great?" Angel: "They're out there, both of them." Wesley: "So you did find them, then? Where are they now?" Angel: "I don't know." Angel hands a weapon to Gunn. Cordy: "But you know where they're going to be?" Angel: "Not exactly." Angel throws a crossbow towards Wesley who just catches it. Wesley: "But yet you have your suspicions?" Angel: "Actually, I don't." Cordy: "So it's more like a hunch." Angel: "Wouldn't say hunch." Angel hands Cordy a stake. Cordy: "Would you say inkling? Please tell me you could at least say inkling." Angel: "For the moment anyway, they're separated. If we can find one of them before they join up again, we have a good chance of stopping something very ugly before it starts." Angel sheathes a sword and takes it with him as he walks towards the exit. Wesley: "Yes, but Angel, I don't think the four of us in one car patrolling a city of ten million people is going to yield results." Angel turns back around: "You're right. Which is why we're going to follow the one solid lead we have - we're going to Wolfram and Hart." Angel turns to go but Cordy stops him. Cordy: "Hitting the pause button. Wolfram and Hart, as in vampire detectors, crack security system and armed guards? Nice plan, General Custer." Angel: "Drusilla's insane, deadly, not in a good mood. Darla - she needs to feed soon, okay? And once she does she's gonna be that much stronger. Now we got two options: either we go back to the people who brought them both here in the first place, or we sit around, waiting for the bodies to start piling up. - I decided not to wait. Anyone wants to join me - my car's outside. If not, that's fine too." Gunn after a beat: "You had *me* at 'everyone gear up.'" Angel: "Let's go." Angel turns to go with Gunn right behind him. Cordy looks at Wesley, then the two of them follow them out as well. At Wolfram and Hart, Holland walks into Lindsey's darkened office. Holland: "Lindsey - my wife wants to know if you're bringing a date - to the party this evening. Something about how many crab cakes to order." Lindsey: "No, I don't have a date." Holland takes a step closer to him: "You've been doing stellar work, Lindsey. Don't think the Senior Partners haven't noticed." Lindsey: "Well, I'm happy to hear that, sir." Holland: "But your hard work isn't all they notice. It's also important to have - healthy attachments - outside of the office. Now I know our roles here don't allow much time to socialize. - Find the time." Lindsey: "Yes, sir." Holland: "Now. Don't be late this evening. I'm uncorking a case of 1928 Chateau Latour." Lindsey with a smile: "I wouldn't miss it." Holland: "We've all worked very hard. Nothing wrong with appreciating our success." Holland turns to go but stops in his tracks when Dru steps out of the shadows, carrying a doll with her. Dru: "I drank Chateau Latour once. (Holland looks over at Lindsey) It tasted like lion's blood." Holland to Dru, who shrugs slightly: "Drusilla. I apologize (looking at Lindsey) I didn't realize you were here. (To Dru) I trust everything went as well as you hoped." Dru: "I'm very worried about Grandmum. - The building was quite tall - you know?" Lindsey: "Darla's a survivor." Dru: "Angelus wasn't happy in the least." Holland: "*Angel* found you? (Looks at Lindsey) Well, not unexpected. How did he fare?" Dru has her eyes closed and is swaying in a circle: "Angelus is on his way here now. (Lindsey and Holland look at each other. Dru gasps and smiles) He's *very* cross." Holland: "Well, I wouldn't worry too much about that. We've taken precautions. (He walks over to Dru, who is sitting down, cradling her doll in her lap) The important thing is that we reunite you with your baby." The phone rings and Lindsey picks it up. Lindsey: "Yes? (Listens and hangs the phone back up) General alert. (Heads for the door) There's an untagged vampire in the building." Holland: "Perhaps we should take our guest to security." Lindsey opens the door and Darla is standing in front of it, breathing hard. Lindsey with a slight smile: "Darla." Darla steps up to him, smells his neck and puts her hands on the sides of his face. Holland: "Lindsey, no sudden movement." Darla: "Warm." Suddenly she tosses Lindsey across the room. Dru smiles and holds out her arms to her. Darla grabs a hold of her hand and runs back out of the room, dragging Dru behind. Holland to the phone: "Let them leave the building without incident." Lindsey picks himself back up, pushing his desk chair off him. Holland: "*Healthy* attachments, Lindsey." Lindsey stares after him as he leaves. Angel, driving his convertible, Gunn in the passenger seat, is speeding through the streets of L.A. tossing Cordy and Wes around in the back seat. Wesley: "There's no good to be done if we don't get there in one piece." Angel: "We don't have much time." Cordy suddenly gets hit by a vision. Wesley: "Angel, pull over." Angel: "I'll slow down, all right?" Wesley: "No! Pull over. She's having a vision." Angel looks back at Cordy. Gunn, eyes on the road: "Tell me it ain't us she's seeing, wrapped around a lamppost." We get blurry flashes of a guy holding a gun. Cordy: "It's in the other direction. Turn around." Angel: "We're almost there!" Wesley: "Angel!" Angel: "She should have done this before we left the hotel." Wesley and Gunn: "Angel!" Angel: "Maybe it's a false alarm." Cordy gives him a mean look, pulls out a stake, holds it up, aimed at him, then puts it back down. Angel spins the car around on the street and heads in the other direction. Darla and Dru are heading down a crowed sidewalk with Darla tossing Dru around. Dru: "Did I do something to displease you?" Darla tosses Dru on the sidewalk. A guy tries to help Dru up, but Darla tosses him aside, then grabs a hold of Dru and tosses her over a parked car onto the road. Dru stands up, only to get hit by a honking car. Dru rolls down the street a ways and a blonde woman gets out of the car and hurries towards her as Dru slowly gets back up. The woman takes one look at Dru and runs off as Darla comes and slams Dru down on the hood of the car. Dru: "Grandmother, what?" Darla hits her, making her stumble into the path of another car that manages to swerve around her, tires screeching. Darla grabs a hold of Dru again. Dru: "Don't be angry." Darla slams her up against the side of the car. Darla: "Why?" Dru: "For you. All for you. I thought it was what you wanted - to be saved." Darla looks at Dru (a guy in red pickup truck keeps honking his horn to get them to move out of the road) and slowly takes a step back, letting her hands drop from Dru's shoulders. Dru crying: "All alone. All alone in the dirt. - We've lost our way and the little worm won't dance if he's told to. (Starts to sob) No. No." Darla pushes Dru's hair out of her face, then slowly takes her in her arms to comfort her, softly stroking her hair and letting Dru cry. The guy gets out of the pickup. Guy: "You two wanna move it out of the street? (Dru and Darla turn to look at him, pulling slightly apart) Yeah, that's right, sweetheart. Why don't you and your girlfriend take the make-out session on home. (Darla walks up to him) The rest of us have lives." Darla looks him up and down, shakes her head and vamps. Darla: "Not for long." She grabs him and feeds, drops him to the ground and turns back to Dru with a smile, back in human face. Dru: "You're all new again." Darla: "Let's go shopping, hmm?" She takes a hold of Dru's hand and the two of them walk off down the road, giggling. Break [SCENE_BREAK] A boombox is playing loud heavy metal music. There is a patched together poster covering the wall and candles, a turtle shell and other paraphernalia set out on the workbench in front of it. The guy from Cordy's vision is sitting before it cradling a gun. Guy: "Morgog - I worship you. - Ruler of the universe, I will throw out my worthless life to you - Morgog... (Angel and Co. walk in and he spins his chair around to face them) What do you want?" Wesley: "We're here to help." Guy: "No! I-I have to do this. Morgog commands me. (Angel throws at look a Cordy and shakes his head) His will be done. Morgog... (As Angel walks towards the boombox, sitting on top of a barrel) Don't! (Angel stops) Stay back." Cordy to Angel: "Easy, Boss. This kid's ready to snap, crackle *and* pop. I felt it in my vision. We've really got to handle this one with care. You know, delicate... (Angel throws the boombox at the altar, causing the guy to dive off his chair and ending the music) ...ly." Guy comes up on his knees: "Jeez! Oh, jeez!" Angel grabs the gun and twists it from his hand. Angel: "Listen I'm not here to hurt you, kid, okay? And Morgog's not the way. (Dumps the bullets out of the gun into his hand) Morgog couldn't find his way to his hairy spine-hump without a roadmap! So, don't go killing yourself, he's not worth it. And you've got, you know (looks around the garage) a million - reasons - to live - I bet. Okay? (Tosses the gun into a barrel of used oil) Got it? Good." Cordy crouches down by the guy, cradling his right hand while Angel walks away. Wesley steps in front of him. Wesley: "Angel, we're not done here." Angel: "I am." Wesley: "The Powers That Be must have had a good reason for sending us here." Angel: "I don't have time to figure that out." Gunn: "Maybe that's the plan. Maybe they're trying to keep you from going on this mission." Wesley: "In any case *that* young man still clearly needs our help!" Angel: "Go help him. I got more important things to do, okay?" Wesley looks at Gunn as Angel walks out. Dru is giggling, walking her fingers down a clothes rack in the Panache Boutique. She picks a black, sheer piece and turns to Darla. Dru: "Can I have it? Can I?" Darla: "Of course, dear, but a little color would bring out your eyes more. Such pretty eyes." Dru: "Men are drawn to them." Darla: "Aren't they, though? Oh. (Hands Dru a hat) Here." Dru puts it on and we hear a phone ringing. Dru: "Oh. I'm ringing. - Do you hear it? (Starts to dance in place) I'm ringing - all - over! (Darla watches her for a moment then reaches down into the front of Dru's dress and pulls out a cell phone.) Oh, yeah. I forgot about that." Darla opens the phone: "Hello, Holland." Holland: "Darla. (We see that he is in Lindsey's office and Lilah and Lindsey are there as well) Feeling better I trust?" Darla: "Like my old self again." Holland: "Splendid. I understand you girls have been on a little spree." Darla: "Hmm, is that a problem?" Holland: "Oh, on the contrary (We see Darla looking down at the drained body of a woman) As a matter of fact, I was just thinking - why settle for a spree, when you could have - a - say - a massacre?" Darla: "A massacre?" Dru licks her lips and smiles at Darla: "Ooh, I like the sound of that." Holland: "Now, of course you'd have the full weight and support of Wolfram and Hart squarely behind you." Darla: "I appreciate that Holland." Holland: "Oh, not at all, Darla. That's what we're here for." Darla hangs up the phone as Dru poses in a red coat with a thick fur trim. Dru: "Do you like it? Am I pretty then?" Darla: "As a picture. Now if we could only get some shoes to go with it. Oh, excuse me, Miss? (Steps over the dead body and looks down at a whimpering woman who is pulling herself along across the floor) Any shoe suggestions for my friend's ensemble? (The woman just keeps crying) I said, excuse me-customer with a question here!" When the woman still just keeps sobbing and crawling, Darla puts her bare foot on her back and reaches down and snaps her neck. Darla: "Service in this place is really unacceptable." Dru plays with her hair then bends to examine a necklace, while Darla goes back to looking at dresses. Lindsey's office. Lilah: "Those two should keep Angel busy for some time." Lindsey: "Yeah, until he kills them." Holland: "Oh, I think he'll find that course of action more difficult than even *he* realizes. - Regardless, Lilah's correct. We won't have to worry about Angel anymore." At that moment Angel, holding on to a rope, crashes through the window into Lindsey's office, scattering glass everywhere, then jumps to grab a hold of Lindsey. Angel: "Dru and Darla, where are they?" Holland: "Angel! I don't believe we've had the pleasure. (Offers his hand) Holland Manners." Angel: "I'd be careful who you offer that hand to, Mr. Manners. You might just lose it. Isn't that right, Lindsey?" Lindsey: "There's worse things to lose, aren't there?" Angel pushes Lindsey away and turns to Holland. Angel: "So you're the one pulling the strings around here?" Holland: "A few of them. I am division head of Special Projects." Angel: "Special projects like Darla." Holland: "Oh, Darla's just a tool. Means to an end. (Angel steps closer to Holland as the door opens and a bunch of security guards file in and surround Angel) You're the project." Angel quietly: "I can crush the life out of you before they even lift a finger." Holland: "Oh, I'm sure you can. Just as sure as I am that you won't." Angel: "Won't I?" Holland: "You don't kill humans." Angel: "You don't qualify. You set things in motion, play your little games up here in your glass and chrome tower, and people die - innocent people." Holland: "And yet I just can't seem to care. (Angel stares at him and Holland smiles ever so slightly) But you do. And while you're making threats, wasting time, crashing through windows, your girls are out painting the town red, red, red." Angel: "Where?" Holland: "Well, that would be telling. In any case you may want to hurry. So many lives hanging in the balance, waiting for their champion to save them." Angel glances around him at the guards holding Tasers and stakes at the ready. Angel: "Hm-mm. As if you're just gonna let me walk out of here, huh?" Holland: "As a matter of fact, I am. You misunderstand us, Angel. We don't want you dead - yet. If we did - you wouldn't be standing here. (to the guards) Would you please escort our guest out of the building. (to Angel) I would - walk you out myself, but I'm running a little late for a wine tasting at my home, and - just so we're clear on the matter - you're not invited." Holland walks out. Angel tenses as the guards push him towards the door but then lets them lead him out. The guards and Lindsey escort Angel out the front door of Wolfram and Hart. Lindsey: "I'll send you a bill for the window and the shirt." Angel: "Yeah, you do that, and after I stop Darla and Dru (two cops come up and handcuff Angel's hands behind him) I might come back to pay you in person." Lindsey: "Yeah, go do your little champion of justice thing and then come back and see me - if you make bail. Give him a nice holding cell, officers. With a window - southern exposure preferred. - The firm may not want you dead, but I'm cool with it." The cops push Angel into the back of an unmarked cop car - with Kate sitting in the back seat. Angel: "Perfect. (The car pulls into traffic) - So, how do you want to do this? Should I escape now or wait till you transfer me to another holding cell, because I'm really not..." Kate: "Two people were just murdered in a clothing store at Fifth and Hill. Preliminary reports say that two women were spotted leaving the scene. One of them matches the description of your pal Darla. - They're not done, are they?" Angel after a beat: "No. - Why are you telling me this?" Kate: "Because I don't think I can stop them. - Maybe you can. (To driver) Pull over." She pulls out a key and Angel twists so she can unlock his cuffs. The car stops and Angel looks at Kate for a moment, then gets out. The doorbell rings at the Manners mansion and Catherine goes to answer it. Catherine: "Lindsey, welcome!" Lindsey hands her some flowers: "Good evening, Catherine." Catherine: "Thanks. Come on. Holland's downstairs lording it over his wine cellar. (They both laugh) These are lovely. Thank you." Holland holding a glass of wine is surrounded by men and women in business suits scattered around a nicely appointed room. Holland: "And the Senior Partners have informed me that they are very, very pleased - with the work our division has been doing. (Lindsey enters and a wine steward hands him a glass) Things have been progressing nicely - and ahead of schedule - I might add. I would be remiss without extending well-earned praise to the two members of our team who have made it possible (holds up his glass): Lilah Morgan and Lindsey McDonald." Everyone drinks and some also say a soft "Hear, hear." Lilah: "Thank you, Holland." Lindsey sets his empty glass on the wine steward's tray. Holland: "Now it's no secret that our work is but one small element in a much larger, greater plan - one which the Senior Partners hope t..." We hear footsteps and Holland looks over at the open door. Everyone turns to look as well and sees Dru and Darla, dressed in their newly acquired clothes, walking in. Holland with a forced smile: "Ladies. How..." Darla: "Your wife was kind enough to invite us in, Holland." Holland: "Ah." Dru: "Very sweet she was - like clover (licks a bit of blood from the corner of her lips) and honey." Holland's smile disappears. Darla: "Just think of it as our way of giving you what you want." Holland: "What would I..." Darla: "I believe you said something about - (Darla looks over at Dru and they both go vamp face) - a massacre." Break Angel walks up the sidewalk to the yellow tape roping off Dru and Darla's shopping spree. He passes between the cop cars parked in front of it and one of the plainclothes detectives gives him a hard look as he walks by. In the store there is a person taking crime scene photos and a black cop gathering up a broken necklace from the floor into an evidence bag. He straightens up and scans the store behind him in the mirrors right in front of him. No one is there but as he bends back down to his work we see that Angel is actually standing right behind him. Angel looks around for a moment, then moves on. In Holland's wine cellar, vamp faced Darla and Dru survey the gathering. Dru: "Pretty lawyers all in a row." Holland: "I'm glad you're alive Darla. I'm glad we were able to save you." Darla: "Are you? I guess you really care about me as a person. I guess I owe all of you. - The *whole* team." Darla chuckles. Dru is walking up to Lilah, who is sitting on a chair a pace away from Lindsey. Dru running her hand along Lilah's jaw: "You have beautiful skin." Lilah: "I moisturize." Dru bends down so her face is level with Lilah's: "That was very thoughtful of you." Darla steps up close to Holland: "You - brought me back as human - a dying one at that. Let me wallow with a soul, then sent me crawling back to Angel, begging him to restore me." Holland: "Which he should have done right away. - But I miscalculated, I - I thought he cared more than he did." Darla: "Like you do." Darla giggles. Dru: "Grandmum won't eat (lifts both hands up besides her head and opens and closes them a couple of times) the double speak." Darla: "No. No, she won't eat *that.*" Angel walks through a curtain into the hall with the store's fitting rooms. He carefully opens one of the doors to reveal a woman crouching in one corner, her hands pressed over her ears. She gasps at the sight of him. Angel: "It's okay. It's okay. It's all over. They're gone now." Woman not looking at Angel: "They killed those people." Angel: "I know. The police are here now. They're gonna take care of you. - You were in here the entire time." Woman, nodding slightly: "I needed a new dress for the office party. This one was too expensive, but - I couldn't make up my mind and then... I kept thinking they were gonna come in here to kill me, too." Angel: "I know. - Did you see or hear any of it?" Woman: "I mostly heard. - I guess I was lucky 'cause of the party." Angel: "You'll be okay. You'll make your party." Woman: "No. Their party. They were in a hurry to get to it." Angel: "They said something about a party?" Woman nods slightly: "A tasting." Angel after a beat: "Why don't you just, uhm, go on outside and find an officer. - You'll be okay." He holds out a hand to her and she slowly gets up and lets him help her past him. Woman: "Thank you." She looks down at the store's dress she is still wearing as she walks past him. Woman: "It was just too much." Dru: "I hear the sirens. (sniffs) They don't know if the world will be there in the morning." Lilah quietly to Lindsey: "Do you hear the sirens? Are-are the police coming?" Lindsey looks back at her and shakes his head slightly: "No. - She senses what this place was built for." Holland: "Ah, yes. Drusilla, you're quite right. This was originally a bomb shelter in the fifties. We had it converted. Wine has always been *my* - passion." Darla giggles. Dru: "People - huddled together, crouching in fear." Holland: "Yes, yes. I imagine that's what it would have been like in a war." Darla: "No. Now. - She means now." Holland: "Aha. (Chuckles) I guess I stepped into that one. - Listen Darla - I am *sorry* that you had to suffer, but look at what's come out of it. - You've been restored. You're a superior being. You can have anything you want. And there's not a person in this room who won't work (looks at the lawyers then back at Darla) round the clock - to see that you get it." Darla: "Hmm. Gung-ho, are they? Because all I'm sensing right now is big, stinky fear. (Smiles in Holland's face then turns to Lindsey) But not from you. (Walks over to him) Do you know what I'm getting from you, Lindsey? (Leans in close to his neck, exposing her fangs as if to bite him, then pulls back) Nothing. Why aren't you afraid?" Lindsey: "I don't know." Darla: "You could die here. Chances are you will." Lindsey: "I know." Darla: "And you don't care." Lindsey: "I care. - I guess I just don't mind." Holland with a forced laugh: "No one's going to die here. This is just a friendly get-together amongst colleagues. (Dru is dancing around Holland's back) We're all on the same - side." Darla with a sigh: "I love this room. Dru, honey, in our new digs (goes over to Dru to put one arm around her and another around Holland) we *have* to put in a people cellar." Holland smiles, but the smile fades quickly. Angel walks up to the open front door of the Manners mansion and sees a blood trail on the beige carpet, leading to where Catherine is lying on the floor. Catherine lifts her head a little: "Help us." Dru: "Daddy's home." Angel walks down the steps to the cellar, stops outside the open door to the former bomb shelter. Darla: "Angelus. - Here for the tasting?" Dru: "Look what we have for you. (Angel doesn't react) It's not Daddy. It's never Daddy. (Hisses at him) It's the Angel-beast." Darla: "Come to punish us?" Dru: "Yeah, yeah. (Lifts her hands as if they were tied above her head) Spank us till Tuesday (growls) We promise to be bad if you do." Holland: "Angel..." Angel to Darla: "I'm sorry I didn't get to you in time." Darla: "I'm not." Dru caressing the side of her face: "He's soul-sick. Not even thinking about his own family. (Pulls one of the men over by his hair) Only thinking about them." Darla takes a step towards Angel: "Come on, love. I never did get that good-bye kiss." Angel: "You will. - But not tonight." Lilah getting up: "For god's sake, help us." Holland: "Angel - please. - People are going to die." Angel: "And yet, somehow, I just can't seem to care." Holland watches wide-eyed as Angel shuts the double doors on them. Darla turns to caress Holland with a big smile on her face. Holland: "Angel? P-please we can negotiate. We..." Angel slides the lock on the door shut. Dru takes a step forward: "Daddy." Lindsey has a slight smile creasing his face. Darla pulls Holland down and bites him. Angel unhurriedly walks up the steps from the cellar, ignoring the screams and sounds of fighting coming from the cellar. Angel is sitting behind his desk with Wesley, Gunn and Cordy sitting on the other side of it. Wesley: "And you - just walked away?" Angel: "No, I walked to my car and then I drove away." Gunn: "You didn't do *anything*?" Wesley: "You allowed Darla and Drusilla to have free reign." Angel: "I didn't bring either one of them into this. They did." Wesley: "You could have stopped them." Angel: "And I will." Cordy: "When? After they've finished off all the people you don't like?" Wesley: "Angel, while it's certainly true that these lawyers brought this on themselves - what you did is..." Cordy: "...is wrong." Gunn: "You went too far." Wesley after a moment: "We've all been worried about you, and I guess it's fair to say we all share some of the blame. - We should have spoken up sooner." Gunn: "And louder." Cordy: "You have to change the way you've been doing things. - Don't you see where this is taking you?" Wesley: "Listen to her! Right now the three of us are all that's standing between you and real darkness." Gunn: "Best believe that, man." Angel quietly after a beat: "I do. - You're all fired." Angel gets up and walks away while the other three sit there like frozen statues. FADE TO BLACK

Angel is desperate to find Darla before she rises as a vampire. Unfortunately, Drusilla is working with Wolfram and Hart to make sure that Angel can't stop Darla's "rebirth." The gang at Angel Inc. becomes more and more concerned about Angel's growing darkness. Especially, when he makes a drastic and controversial decision regarding some Wolfram and Hart lawyers.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_02x06

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_02x06_0

Ted from 2030: Kids, when you reach your late twenty, you might be surpise to discover you still don't have life quite figured out. Like with aunt Lily. Even though she was back from San Francisco, she was still on a quest to find herself. Robin's apartment. Lily: It's just that all I've ever done is teach kindergarten. I want to get out there and change the world. I want to find my passion. Ted from 2030: And she did find it. Lily (coming in Robin's): I'm going to be a life coach. Ted from 2030: In fact, she found it again and again. Lily: I'm going to be a marine biologist... Slam poet... Beekeeper! Not a beekeeper. Robin (on the phone): Her newest lifelong dream? Singing in a punk rock band. Ted: What is she doing for money through all this? Robin: Oh, she's been waiting tables at Big Wave Luau. Ted: Wait, you mean that hawaiian place where they wear those embarrassing outfits? Robin: No. Big Wave Luau. Marshall: Here she comes. Here she comes. Lily: Welcome to big Wave Luau. Can I tiki your drink order? Aw, crap. Robin: I'm sorry. Barney: Oh, hi, Lily. We were just in the neighborhood, thought we'd get some lunch. We didn't even know you'd be here. (Marshall takes a photo of her). Lily: What do you want? Ted: I don't think that's how you're supposed to greet a customer at Big Wave Luau. Lily: Aloha, island visitors. The big wave brought you to our humble luau. For that, we thank you. Or in my native tongue, mahalo. Barney: I didn't catch your name. Did you guys catch her name? Ted: No. Lily: My name is Anuhea. It means cool and fragrant,much like any of our 12 specialty drinks. Ted: Robin, nothing to add? Robin: No. Lily is my friend and I'm not going to make fun of her for trying to follow her dreams. Lily: Thank you. Robin: Although, you might want to bring out the big hawaiian drum because I'm pretty sure today's my birthday. CREDIT TITLES MacLaren's. Marshall: I've never need the beer more than I do right now. Ted: I thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake. I remember because you were eating a piece of cake at the time and you said, "dude, my semester is gonna be this." Marshall: Yeah, well, it was supposed to be, but my professor's like the toughest grader I've ever seen. She had like a bad divorce this summer and now she's taking it out on us. To tell you the truth, I think she just needs to get laid. Barney: Really? Laid, you say? Marshall: You wouldn't be into her.She's, like, in her late 40s. Barney: She hot? Marshall: Yeah, I guess she's kind of hot, yeah. Barney: And she's looking for some action. Sounds to me like she could be a cougar. Robin: A what? Barney: A cougar. An older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single and on the prowl for a younger man. Ted: What's a woman in her 60s or 70s? A turtle? Barney: Marshall, I've thought it over and I accept your challenge. Marshall: I didn't challenge you to have s*x with... Barney: Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins. Lily (arriving): So, I quit my job. I just couldn't take it anymore. Approximately 50 times a day, some guy asks me for a lei... Marshall: Classic. Robin: Ted, didn't you tell me they need a new assistant in your office? Ted: Yeah. Somebody did just quit. [FLASHBACK. Ted's office] Ted: So, where should we eat today? (looking at the assistant with a whole chicken in a container) Oh awesome, you brought lunch for everyone? (the girl leaves, crying) [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: Dude, that is cold-blooded. Ted: It was an honest mistake. Look, when somebody opens up a container with an entire chicken in it, it's okay to assume they made lunch for everyone. Robin: Ted, that girl didn't quit. You destroyed her. Ted: It was an whole chicken. And did I mention she had 12 sides? Barney: Oh, now you're gonna bash her figure. Real classy, Ted. Ted: So, Lily, what do you say? Do you want the job? Lily: What would I be doing? Ted: Basically, you're sort of a general office assistant. Ted's office. Ted: You'll sit there. My station is right over here. And things are a little bit crazy right now 'cause we're pitching a new building to a big client. Lily: Oh, right, is that the...? Ted: Yeah. Here's the model. Lily: You weren't kidding. It really does look like a giant pen1s. Ted: I know. For whatever reason, Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it. Lily: How can he not see it? I mean there's the... Ted: I know. Lily: And the way it... Ted: I know. Lily: And the two little... Ted: I know. Lily: It is just... Mr Druthers (arriving): Spectacular? Why, thank you. Ted: Lily, this is Mr. Druthers, the head architect on the project. Lily's going to be our new office assistant. Mr Druthers: Ah. Lily: Nice to meet you. Mr Druthers: Isn't it? Ted, I looked at your design for the penthouse balcony. Tell me, do you want to be an architect? Ted: I, uh... I am an architect. Mr Druthers: Really? Well, my six-year-old nephew plays with legos. Is he an architect? Ted: Well, not unless he somehow passed all his licensing exams. Mr Druthers: Ted, you've got promise. But you have to study what I do more carefully. Now I want you to design some styrofoam trees for the building model. Think you can handle that? Ted: Absolutely. Mr Druthers: So you're going to design the... Ted: Styrofoam trees. Mr Druthers: Once again, with feeling. Ted: Styrofoam trees. Mr Druthers: Styrofoam trees! Ted: Styrofoam trees! Mr Druthers: That's the spirit. Now, gather 'round. This isn't just about trees, Ted. This is about life. And sometimes in life, you have to get the trees just right or you're fired, hmm? (He leaves) Lily: Man, that guy is a total, well... (gestures to the building model) Marshall's law school. Marshall: Okay, wait, wait, wait. That's professor Lewis's office there. Barney: Okay, let's take a look. Oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. A prime specimen. See, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. Start with the hair. The cougar keeps up with current hairstyles as a form of camouflage. The prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar until he's already being dragged, helpless, back to her lair. Now, the blouse. The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey. If you're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce. See the claws? Long and sharp, to ward off rival females... Or open alimony checks. Yeah, this one's a beaut. Okay, let the hunt begin. Marshall: Wait, wait, wait.I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with you hunting my constitutional law professor. Barney: Who do you rather have grading your papers: a savage, man-eating jungle cat, or a purring, satisfied kitty? Marshall: Go, Barney. Go mount and stuff that cougar. Barney (stepping into the office, speaking with an Italian accent): Scusi, I am Luigi, italian exchange student. I was, uh, walking to class, but then I noticed you... Bella principessa... Pr Lewis: Tell me what you want or get out. Barney: Direct. I like that. The name's Barney. What I want... is you. Pr Lewis: Turn around. My place. Two hours. Don't be tardy. MacLaren's. Lily: I can't believe how Mr. Druthers treats people. And that building? Talk about overcompensating. Ted: He's not usually this bad. It's just that the partners have made it very clear this project is make or break for us, so lately he's been a little testy. (The girls giggle) You know what I mean: crotchety. (Giggles) I'm just saying it's been hard on him. (More giggles). All right stop. Robin: Did you show lily your design? Ted: No. Lily: What design? Ted: It's nothing. Robin: It's fantastic. Just for fun, Ted's been working on his own design. And it doesn't look at all like male genitalia. At least, not healthy male genitalia. Lily: Ted, you should pitch your building to Druthers. Ted: Are you kidding? He's Hammond Druthers. He's a legend. I'm just part of his team. This building is huge for the firm, so it's really important we don't blow it. (Giggles) All right, enough! Pr Lewis' apartment. Barney: Oh, my god. Incredible. Pr Lewis: Hmm... C minus. Barney: C minus? What are you talking about? I just pulled an all-nighter! Pr Lewis: You didn't budget your time well, you glossed over some of the most important points, and your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive. Ted's office. Lily: Mr. Druthers asked if you were making the trees or waiting for them to sprout on their own. Then he stared at me until I laughed. Ted: Okay, I'm done. Lily: Great. I'll put the paints away. You just go show him. Ted: Great. Thanks. Mr Druthers: Well, finally. I wondered whether you were making the trees or waiting for them to sprout on their own. Ted: Good one, sir. Anyway, here they are. Mr Druthers: Too green. Ted: Too green? Mr Druthers: Yes, the leaves should really be more of a natural brown color. Almost brunette. And think bushier. I want this tower to rise from a thicket of wild, ungroomed, brunette shrubbery. Can you picture it, Ted? Ted: I can't un-picture it. Mr Druthers: Good. Oh, my God! It's gone! Ted: What? What's gone? Mr Druthers: My baseball signed three times by Pete Rose. Ted: Well, it's got to be around here somewhere. Mr Druthers: What do you think, Ted, it just let itself out of its plastic case and rolled away? Somebody stole it. Ted: Well, um, I better get back to these styrofoam trees. Mr Druthers: Oh, who cares about the trees? It's just busy work to make you feel like you're contributing. Ted: Inspiring as always, sir. Lily? Where's she put those paints? (Ted opens one of Lily's desk drawers and find the ball) [SCENE_BREAK] MacLaren's. Lily: Hey. Ted: Hey. Um, Lily, question for you. Why did I find Mr. Druthers' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer? Lily: That's easy. I took it. Ted: Why? Lily: It's simple. [FLASHBACK]Mr Druthers: I can't believe there's no horseradish for the roast beef. I guess you were sick the day they taught that at sandwich university Mr Druthers: Mother, no one from the nursing home is stealing from you. I didn't get you a birthday present. Mr Druthers (to a kid): What? You gonna cry? Huh? Little crybaby's going to cry? Hey, everybody, look! The little crybaby's gonna cry! I lost my ice cream! [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: Okay, I may have exaggerated that last one, but the point is, he was mean. And that's why I took away his ball. Ted: What does his ball have to do with anything? Lily: Druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. When I was teaching kindergarten,whenever a kid was mean, I would take away one of his toys. The kid would be upset at first,but then he'd learn to stop being mean. Robin: Hey, guys. What's going on? Ted: Lily stole my boss' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose. Robin: Why? Was he being mean? Ted: You know about this? Robin: Yeah. It's her own personal form of justice. Did you tell him about that time at the Gap? Lily: Oh, that was a good one. This sales guy was rude to Robin, so I took a pair of khakis. Robin: I gave them to you for your birthday. Ted: So I've been walking around in stolen khakis? Lily: I prefer to call them "justice khakis." Ted: That's not justice. It's shoplifting,and it's a crime. Lily: So is being mean. Ted: Lily, your little system doesn't even make sense. In kindergarten, the kid knew why he was being punished. Druthers just thinks someone stole his ball. Lily: Well, that's why I left a note. Ted: A note? Lily: Yeah. When he finds it, he'll understand why his ball was taken away, he'll stop being mean, and the office will be a nicer place to work. Maybe he'll even be open to hearing your ideas. Ted: Look, Lil, we're all tolerating this prolonged nervous breakdown you're clearly having, with the punk band and the beekeeping and the petty larceny, but this is my career you're messing with. Lily: I'm not sure I like your tone. You know what? Now you just lost the ball. At the apartment. Marshall: I'd ask you how last night went, but we had a pop quiz today. Nobody got higher than a c-minus. Barney: I know, I know. Marshall: You claim to have so much s*x. I only assumed you'd be good at it. Barney: Look, I miscalculated. I thought she'd be old and fragile, like most cougars. But kitty's got claws. Don't worry though. Tonight, I'm seeing her again. Marshall: Just let it go, man. You're making things worse. Barney: I promise you, after tonight, that cougar will be my pet, and I its master. Pr Lewis' apartment. Barney: I think I'm falling in love with you. Pr Lewis: Oh, God. That wasn't your first time, was it? Although that would explain a lot. Barney: What? No.We had s*x yesterday. Pr Lewis: Oh, right. That. Well, you had s*x yesterday. I revised my syllabus for the spring semester. Ted's office. Ted: When Druthers goes to get his bagel, I'll go in, grab the note, put the ball back. If something goes wrong, yell out, "who wants espresso?" So I'll know he's coming. Got it? Okay, now give me the ball. Lily: No. Ted: What do you mean, no? Lily: I mean I stand by what I did, Ted. Ted: Come on, Lily. We're running out of time. Mr Druthers: Everybody get in here now! Lily: "Who wants espresso?" Mr Druthers: Now, as most of you know, my Pete Rose, Pete Rose, Pete Rose baseball has been stolen. Well, I just found this note. "Dear mr. Druthers,I, your baseball, am leaving. Maybe, if you start being nice, I'll come back. If not, other things in your office may follow my lead. In fact, I overheard your iPod talking, and he may shuffle off at any minute." Normally, I would scream at everyone until my voice goes, but maybe that's the wrong reaction here. Lily: Interesting. Mr Druthers: Instead, I'm giving my baseball until the end of the day to decide he's homesick, or, tomorrow morning, I'll begin firing three people an hour. And, if the thief doesn't believe me, well, then you are gambling more than Pete Rose - major league baseball's all-time hit leader, a man whose absence from the hall of fame is a travesty to the entire sports world - ever "allegedly" did! Lily: Wow. Looks like bye-bye, iPod. Ted: Give him his ball back right now. People are going to get fired. Lily: No, they're not. It's just a tantrum, Ted. I saw this in kindergarten all the time. Ted: This isn't kindergarten. Mr Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back. Lily: All right, I'll give it back if you show him your plans. Ted: No. You'll give it back or you're fired. Lily: I'm sorry, Ted. I just can't do that. Ted: Then you're fired. Lily: Fine. Here's the ball. At least you have one now. MacLaren's. Marshall: Dude, you're killing me. You didn't tame the cougar. You just made her angrier. Barney: Do you not see the powerbar in my hand? I'm fueling up. Marshall: So you're going back over there? Barney: Oh, yeah. And tonight, just like John Mellencamp, I am going to get rid of the "cougar" once and for all. Get it? 'Cause that's what he did with his name. Pr Lewis' apartment. Barney: I can't stop thinking about you. Please give me another chance. Pr Lewis: Barney, I teach all day. It's the last thing I want to do when I get home. Barney: But you don't understand. See, I've been going easy on you, holding back, 'cause I was afraid you'd break a hip or something. But, this time, no mercy.I don't care how long it takes days, weeks, half a year. Pr Lewis: Fine.Come in. You can start while I finish grading some papers. Ted's office. Mr Druthers: Hurry up. Clients will be here any moment. Now, slide it closer to his chair. I want this thing to really smack him in the face. Ted: Mr. Druthers, thank you again for understanding about Lily. Mr Druthers: Oh. Well, I pity her. I mean, to steal from my office and then write that slanderous note... You might say that Lily was mentally deranged. You might say that, Ted. Ted: Lily was mentally deranged. Mr Druthers: You might even say it loud enough for everyone to hear. Ted: Lily was mentally deranged! Mr Druthers: Oh! That's a bit harsh, don't you think, Ted? Man: The clients are here. Mr Druthers: Excellent. Bring them in. Ted from 2030: Our client was a major bank and financial services company in Spokane. They wanted a modern skyscraper that still captured the distinct flavor and history of the northwest. Mr Druthers: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Spokane national bank building. Client: That's a pen1s! Mr Druthers: That's... that's ridiculous. There's no way this majestic tower can be confused with the male organ of love. Client: We're not building a pen1s. You got any other ideas? Mr Druthers: Other ideas? You said you wanted Hammond Druthers. This is Hammond Druthers. Client: Well, hats off to your ladyfriends, but I'm not building it. We're done here. Ted from 2030: The trajectory of my entire career might have been different had I not unwittingly worn my justice khakis that day. Ted: Wait! We have one more idea for you. Mr Druthers: Ted, what are you doing? Ted: I have another design. Mr Druthers: Sit down, shut up right now. Ted: No. MacLaren's. Robin: To Ted! The youngest person to ever design a building over 70 stories... Probably! All: Probably! Lily: Congrats, ted. Ted: Hey, thanks for telling me to stand up to Druthers and pitch my idea. Seriously, none of this would have happened if it weren't for you. Lily: Oh. You know what, Ted? That was very nice. You have earned these screws back. Don't sit in your desk chair until you've put them back in. Ted: Hey, I'm project manager now, so, if you want your old job back... Lily: No, thanks. I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up. Lily's kindergarten. Lily: Casey, that's not how we treat people. You'll get this back when you learn to be nice. Hospital. Robin: Barney! Oh, my god! Ted: What happened? Pr Lewis: He broke his hip. Barney: That's not true. It's just temporarily dislocated. Seriously, I'm fine. Pr Lewis: No, he's not fine. Marshall: Professor Lewis, hi. Pr Lewis: Mr. Eriksen. Hello. I graded your paper tonight. I was pleasantly surprised. Barney: Yeah, she was. Pr Lewis: B plus. Barney: B-plus?! Marshall, after I've gone through my eight weeks of physical therapy, I am going to get you that "A"! Marshall: Let her go. She belongs out there in the wild. You should feel proud. You fought the cougar and lived. Barney: It was an amazing safari. I can't wait to show you guys the slides!

While Barney makes it his job to satisfy Marshall's disgruntled law professor, Lily goes to work for Ted's architecture company and tries to teach Ted's big boss a big lesson.

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x19

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x19_0

Giles: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Oz and Willow in bed. Willow trying to kiss Oz but he pulls away. Willow: Oz... don't you love me? Oz walking forward and kissing her. Oz voiceover: The wolf is inside me... all the time. Oz walking away from the house, getting into his van. Oz voiceover: Until I figure out what that means, I shouldn't be around you. Or anybody. The van driving away. Shot of Adam's face. Shot of Adam killing Prof. Walsh. Buffy: The Initiative created this thing and they can't stop it, but we will. Spike trying to bite Willow but flinching back in pain. Riley voiceover: The implant works. Hostile 17 can't hurt any living creature in any way. Spike in the Bronze: I get this chip out, you and me are gonna have a confrontation. Shot of Willow and Tara holding hands and moving the soda machine. Shot of Willow and Tara holding hands and lifting a rose. Willow: I just like having something that's ... mine. Tara: I am, you know. Yours. (Willow and Tara walking across campus.) TARA: Do you like cats? WILLOW: I'm more of a dog person myself. But I'm not like, "death to all cats." Why? TARA: Cause I was thinking of getting one. WILLOW: Can you have one in the dorms? TARA: No, but this would be a sneaky cat. WILLOW: That would be cool. You mean it'd be sort of like a familiar? TARA: Actually, I-I was thinking it would be sort of like a pet. You know, we could ... we could name her Trixie, or Miss Kitty Fantastico, or something. WILLOW: And we could make kitty go bonkers with string and catnip and stuff? TARA: Absolutely. WILLOW: Fun! I'm in. TARA: So, you're not allergic or anything. WILLOW: Nope. TARA: Good, cause ... I want my room to be Willow-friendly. WILLOW: Me too. (They hold hands and keep walking.) TARA: So I'm excited about the Scooby meeting ... I think. What's it about? WILLOW: I'm not sure. Probably just your garden-variety disaster. BUFFY VOICE-OVER: Zippo. (Cut to Giles' apartment) BUFFY: Patrol's been totally uneventful. My kill count's way down. (We see the gang. Buffy sitting on Giles' desk. Riley standing in living room. Anya (on Xander's lap), Xander, Willow, and Tara on stools against the kitchen counter. Giles in kitchen.) WILLOW: (to Tara) She means there's been less bad-guy activity. GILES: Well, we know what that often indicates. XANDER: Buffy doesn't make her quota. (Shakes finger at Buffy) Bad slayer! GILES: Well, I wish it were that innocuous, but with Adam around, I feel he's involved somehow. (Giles is holding a bag of snacks. He pours snacks into a bowl.) WILLOW: (to Tara) When things get slow, it's usually because there's some extra evil brewing. (Tara nods) RILEY: Except the weird thing is, we've been busy at the Initiative. Our squads are pulling a lot more captures. We got demons coming out our ears. WILLOW: (to Tara) That's a metaphor. TARA: (smiling) I got it, thanks. WILLOW: I'm overhelping, aren't I? (Tara laughs) GILES: (coming out of kitchen with bowl) So the activity's shifted but not stopped. (Hands bowl to Willow, but she doesn't take it) That's fascinating. (Sits at desk and puts bowl down) ANYA: To an extremely bored person, maybe. (Giles looks annoyed) ANYA: Well, that was a thrilling hour. (Everyone starts to get up.) GILES: (rising) You know, I really don't appreciate your snide remarks, Anya. (Anya and Xander look at him in surprise) GILES: Now, I have a great deal of experience in these matters... (We hear the door open. Buffy and Riley look toward it. Giles keeps talking) GILES: ...and if I say there is a matter of some import brewing, I-I- (Giles notices everyone looking behind him. He turns.) Shot of Tara looking confused. Shot of Willow looking shocked. Shot of Oz in the doorway, hands in jacket pockets. OZ: Hey. Opening credits. Guest starring Amber Benson, Leonard Roberts, Bailey Chase, Robert Patrick Benedict, Conor O'Farrell, George Hertzberg, Emma Caulfield as Anya, and Seth Green as Oz. WILLOW: Oz. (Oz looks around, uncomfortable.) TARA: (understanding) Oz. (Willow looks at Tara, looks back at Oz.) (Shot of Buffy looking at Willow, concerned.) WILLOW: When, when did you get back? OZ: Pretty much now. (Xander looks at everyone, steps forward.) XANDER: Oz, man. Hate to sound grandma, but... you don't call, you don't write. OZ: Yeah, sorry. (They shake hands.) BUFFY: So are you here here, or are you just passing through? GILES: Well, um, let's not, uh, bombard the poor chap with, uh, questions right off. Can I get you something, um, tea? (Takes off glasses, moves toward kitchen) OZ: I'll pass, thanks. (Riley looks confused. Oz walks forward to Willow.) OZ: Look, I'm going to Devon's to see if he's got a place I can crash. But... I was hoping that we could talk. Later. Tonight. WILLOW: I guess so. OZ: I'll come by your place? WILLOW: Okay. (Oz smiles.) OZ: It's great to see you guys again. Really. (Oz leaves.) (Willow still looks shocked.) ANYA: Everyone's uncomfortable now. (Buffy goes to Willow and touches her arm.) BUFFY: You okay? WILLOW: I- TARA: I just, um - I realized, um, I'm-I'm late for study group. WILLOW: Tara, wait. TARA: No, no, it's okay. You-you should be with your friends, and, and I-I should go. (She leaves.) WILLOW: Wait... (Everyone looks at Willow, who is upset.) Fade to graveyard. RILEY: So, um, I was missing something this afternoon, wasn't I? (Riley and Buffy walk through graveyard. He wears his battle fatigues. Buffy wears a long leather coat and a white cap. Riley carries a bag.) RILEY: I mean, breakups are tough, but when Oz walked in, it seemed like emotions were running extra high. BUFFY: Oz and Willow had a rough breakup. (Riley nods.) DEMON: Grr. RILEY: Hold that thought. (Buffy ducks and Riley punches the demon over her head. Then he lifts Buffy by the waist and she kicks the demon. It spins away, punches. Buffy ducks. Riley punches. Buffy kicks. Riley grabs the demon and hurls it over a gravestone. It falls unconscious.) RILEY: Man, that was record time. BUFFY: (pouting) It's no fun when they're that easy. RILEY: (grinning) Speak for yourself. (Takes out radio) Base, this is Agent Finn. We've an HST down. Please send a retrieval team to sector 72. RADIO: [unintelligible], Finn. We'll get there as soon as we can. (Riley puts radio away and picks up his bag. They walk on.) BUFFY: So, I was just about to say something fascinating. RILEY: Oz and Willow. BUFFY: Right. They had a rough breakup. Some stuff came up, and Oz pretty much bailed overnight. It left Will really devastated. RILEY: I remember. BUFFY: The thing is before that, they were doing great. I mean, she was totally dealing with Oz being a werewolf, it wasn't even- RILEY: Whoa, wait. (They stop walking.) RILEY: Oz is a werewolf, and Willow was dating him?! BUFFY: Yes. Hence the high emotions. RILEY: You're kidding me. Gotta say I'm surprised. I didn't think Willow was that kind of girl. BUFFY: What kind of girl? RILEY: Into dangerous guys. She seems smarter than that. BUFFY: Oz is not dangerous. Something happened to him that wasn't his fault. God, I never knew you were such a bigot. (Starts to walk away) RILEY: (stopping her) Whoa, hey, how did we get to bigot? I'm just saying it's a little weird to date someone who tries to eat you once a month. BUFFY: Yeah, well love isn't logical, Riley. It's not like you can be Mister Joe Sensible about it all the time. (Riley rolls his eyes.) BUFFY: God knows I haven't been. RILEY: I'm not talking about you. BUFFY: How about we don't talk about this at all? Okay? Let's just patrol. (She walks off looking angry. Riley is confused. He follows her.) (Willow opens her dorm room door. Oz is leaning against the doorframe.) OZ: Hey. WILLOW: (nervous) Hey. (Oz smiles.) WILLOW: So... you wanna come inside? OZ: Actually, I want you to come outside. I wanna show you something. (They walk across campus. It's dark. They're both wearing jackets. Willow stops walking.) WILLOW: Oz... (He stops walking too) This is all so weird. (Oz sighs, fidgets with something on his hand) WILLOW: I-I-I feel like... this isn't really happening. Like it's a dream or, or something. OZ: It's real. Look up. WILLOW: What? OZ: (smiling) Look at the sky. (Willow looks up. The moon is full.) OZ: I guess you stopped keeping track of 'em after I left. WILLOW: Full moon. (Looks at Oz, back up at moon) OZ: Full moon. WILLOW: Full moon, but-but how? I mean (smiling) you did it! How, how did you do it? Where did you go? OZ: It's a long story. WILLOW: (looks up again, then down, smiling) Oh my god, Oz! (She hugs him. He holds her and closes his eyes. Willow pulls back. Not smiling any more.) WILLOW: This is... I mean, it's wonderful for you. OZ: I talked to Xander, and he said you didn't have a new guy. WILLOW: No. No new... guy. (Oz smiles and takes her hand.) OZ: I know what I put you through, and I'm not gonna push. But I am... a different person than when I left. And I can be what you need now. (Willow looks sad.) OZ: That's what I want. That's why I'm here. (Cut to Graham and two other commandos walking through the woods. The other two are carrying big guns. One of them nudges Graham.) COMMANDO 1: Sir. (Graham takes out his handgun. They all look and see rustling in the bushes.) (A noise from behind makes them turn, and then something comes out of the bushes. It looks like a werewolf. They try to grab it. It shoves Graham and another soldier. Graham goes flying backward into a tree and falls to the ground. The other soldier flies back onto the ground, gets up but is pushed over again. The creature is on top of him and he screams. The third commando is attacked by another creature and flies into another tree. Graham lifts his head and sees the first creature with its mouth covered in blood. Graham's head drops back onto the ground.) Commercial. (Buffy and Willow's dorm room. Willow sitting on her bed with something in her lap. Oz reclines on the end of the bed.) WILLOW: I love this. OZ: A woman in Tibet traded it to me for the Radiohead record. Got a lot of mileage out of the barter system. WILLOW: So Tibet was your favorite? OZ: Well, it's where I stayed the longest. This warlock in Romania sent me to the monks there to learn some meditation techniques. Very intense. All about keeping your inner cool. WILLOW: Good, 'cause you were such a spaz before. (Smiles.) So that's it? You keep your cool, and no more wolfie? OZ: No, there's more. I take some herbs and stuff. Some chanting. A couple of charms. (He shows some beads on a string wrapped around his hand.) WILLOW: It's incredible. You've been all around the world. You've had this ... complete mind/body transformation. I've just been here. (Chuckle) Same old Sunnydale. OZ: Doesn't mean you haven't gone through a lot. WILLOW: It's true. Some of it, you know, was me telling myself I hated you and cursing your name. Not literally. OZ: Well, thanks for that. WILLOW: And, I don't know, I - I think I'm getting better at my spells and stuff. (They look at each other. Willow fidgets, looks at the window.) WILLOW: It's so light out. OZ: Yeah, we talked all night. WILLOW: Well, I believe a manly sized breakfast is in order, don't you? OZ: Or we could just... (puts his hand on hers) sleep a little while. (He gives her a meaningful look. Willow looks nervous) OZ: Whatever you want. WILLOW: I'll have the less confusing waffles right now. (Oz smiles.) OZ: Breakfast it is. They both get up. WILLOW: Lemme just, ah, freshen up. (She takes her toothbrush and toothpaste and leaves. Oz watches her go, smiling.) (Knock on door. Oz gets up and answers it. It's Tara. She's surprised to see Oz.) TARA: Oh, sorry, I-I-I'll come back. OZ: Are you looking for Willow? She's just in the bathroom down the hall. TARA: No, no. No, it's, it's okay. (Backing away) OZ: I saw you at Giles' yesterday. TARA: Yeah. Sometimes Willow takes me with her to the s-scoobies. OZ: You sure you don't wanna come in? (Tara shakes her head and leaves. Oz shuts the door, looking confused. Willow comes back in and sees his expression.) WILLOW: What? OZ: Your friend came by. The blonde girl? But she wouldn't stay. (He turns away to get his coat.) OZ: So what do you think? Where you wanna go? (Willow looks upset again. Doesn't look like she heard the question.) (Cut to Riley's bedroom. Riley and Buffy asleep. The alarm goes off and they wake up. Riley stops it. Buffy yawns.) (Riley turns to Buffy and rubs her stomach.) RILEY: Morning. BUFFY: Morning. (She sits up and pulls away, getting out of bed. She's wearing one of his shirts.) (Riley watches her walk away. He gets out of bed and pulls on pants. Stretches, starts doing pushups.) (Buffy comes back wearing pants. Puts some clothes on the bed and watches him.) BUFFY: Those like, regulation? Do you have to do those every morning? RILEY: No, just a good way to start the day. (Buffy has a bag. She's putting clothes into it.) BUFFY: Great, then you can have your perfectly balanced breakfast, and then you can call your mother. (Riley stops pushups. He did exactly ten.) RILEY: Okay, I'm up less than a minute, and somehow I've managed to piss you off. BUFFY: I should go home. RILEY: No, come on. Is it that whole thing about Willow last night? (He sits on the bed.) Look, I only said what I said because I'm concerned. I don't wanna see her get hurt. BUFFY: You sounded like Mr. Initiative. Demons bad, people good. RILEY: Something wrong with that theorem? (Buffy looks exasperated. She walks a few steps away.) BUFFY: There's different degrees of- RILEY: Evil? BUFFY: It's just... different with different demons. There are creatures - vampires, for example -- that aren't evil at all. RILEY: Name one. (The door opens. It's Forrest. He looks solemn.) FORREST: Rye, we need you downstairs. Beta team got hit. RILEY: (stands up) Bad? FORREST: We lost Willis. (Riley winces.) RILEY: Graham? FORREST: He's walking. (Shot of Buffy looking concerned.) FORREST: We're going on a hunt. (Riley turns to get a shirt.) BUFFY: (to Forrest) What kind of demon was it? RILEY: (angry) Does it matter? (Walks past her holding his shirt. He and Forrest leave. Focus on Buffy as we hear the door close.) (Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm room. Willow sitting on her bed again, holding a stuffed animal. Buffy comes in with her bag.) BUFFY: Hey. WILLOW: Hey. You okay? BUFFY: (rubbing her neck) Yeah, I just - I don't wanna talk about it. I wanna hear about you and Oz. You saw him, right? WILLOW: I was with him all night. (Buffy raises her eyebrows.) BUFFY: All night? (Grins) Oh my god. (Sits on Willow's bed.) Wait. Last night was a wolf moon, right? WILLOW: Yup. BUFFY: Either you're about to tell me something incredibly kinky, or- WILLOW: No kink. (Smiling) He didn't change, Buffy. He said he was gonna find a cure, and he did. In Tibet. BUFFY: (smiling) Oh my god. I can't believe it. (Pause) Okay, I'm all with the woo-hoo here, and you're not. WILLOW: No, there's "woo" and, and "hoo." But there's "uh-oh," and... "why now?" And... it's complicated. BUFFY: Why complicated? WILLOW: (sighs, steels herself) It's complicated... because of Tara. BUFFY: (frowns) You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No. (The clue-by-four hits Buffy.) BUFFY: Oh! (Willow gives a nervous smile.) (Buffy stands up.) BUFFY: Oh. Um... well... that's great. You know, I mean, I think Tara's a, a really great girl, Will. WILLOW: She is. And... there's something between us. It-it wasn't something I was looking for. It's just powerful. And it's totally different from what Oz and I have. BUFFY: Well, there you go, I mean, you know, you have to - you have to follow your heart, Will. And that's what's important, Will. WILLOW: Why do you keep saying my name like that? BUFFY: (with false cheer) Like what, Will? WILLOW: (sits up) Are you freaked? BUFFY: What? No, Will, d- (stops herself, sighs) No. (Sits on bed) No, absolutely no to that question. (Willow looks skeptical.) BUFFY: I'm glad you told me. What did you say to Oz? WILLOW: I was gonna tell him ... but then we started hanging out, and ... I could just feel everything coming back. (Buffy looks sympathetic.) WILLOW: He's Oz, you know? BUFFY: Yeah. I know. WILLOW: I don't wanna hurt anyone, Buffy. BUFFY: No matter what, somebody's gonna get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest, or it's gonna be a lot worse. (Willow nods.) (Cut to the tombs. Spike lying on top of a coffin, covered with a blanket. Footsteps slowly approaching. A greenish hand reaches for Spike's throat but he grabs it.) SPIKE: (not opening his eyes) From the sound of those massive mud flaps, I'd peg you as a demon. Which means you're in for a world of... (Opens his eyes and sees Adam) Pain. (Spike gets to his feet.) ADAM: Spike, I want you to come with me. SPIKE: Do you? (Shrugs) Well, let's go then. (Turns as if to leave, then spins around and punches Adam in the stomach. No effect. Spike shakes his hand in pain.) SPIKE: Ow. ADAM: Come. (Steps forward; Spike steps back) You're going to help me with my problem. SPIKE: Why is that exactly? ADAM: I'm going to help you with yours. (Spike looks interested.) (Tara opens her dorm room door. Willow is standing there.) WILLOW: Hi. TARA: Hi. (Tara stands back so Willow can come in, then Tara closes the door.) WILLOW: I can only stay for a minute. I have class. TARA: Me too, I-I-I have class too. WILLOW: I just want you to know that what you saw this morning, it wasn't- TARA: No, it's okay. I-I always knew that if he came back- WILLOW: We were just talking. Nothing happened. TARA: (hopeful smile) Oh. (Pause) Really? (Willow nods.) WILLOW: But, you know, it was intense. Just talking. We have a lot to talk about. (Frowns) I kinda feel like my head's gonna explode. TARA: (struggles for a moment) Whatever, you know, happens ... I'll still be here. I'll still be your friend. WILLOW: Of course we'll be friends! That's not even a question. TARA: (upset) But I'm saying, I know what Oz means to you. WILLOW: How can you, when I'm not even sure? I mean, I know what he meant to me. But he left, and... everything changed. I changed, and... then we-- TARA: What? WILLOW: (teary) I don't know. I just - life was starting to get so good again, and -- (sighs, moves closer to Tara) You're a big part of that. (Crying) And here comes the thing I wanted most of all, and... I don't know what to do, I ... I wanna know, but I don't. (Tara looks sympathetic. She brushes the tears off Willow's cheek.) TARA: Do what makes you ... h-h-happy. (Willow hugs her. Tara strokes Willow's hair.) (Inside one of the college buildings. Oz is looking at a wall covered with flyers and posters. He wrinkles his nose and calls "Willow!" just as Tara walks by. She stops and looks at him. Oz looks confused. He walks toward Tara.) OZ: Hey. I thought I sm...ah, heard Willow. (Tara looks nervous, clutching books to her chest.) TARA: Hey. (notices Oz holding books) You're um, you're coming back to school here, huh? OZ: Pretty much. Feeling ... oddly motivated. (He still sniffs the air and looks around, confused) TARA: That's um, that's great. I mean, that's, that's great for you and Willow, right? OZ: I hope so. TARA: (nervous) Good, that's, because- OZ: Is that her sweater? TARA: (looks down) I just, I just hope that you guys'll be very ... happy. OZ: (moves closer) You smell like her. (Tara still doesn't look at him) She's all over you, do you know that? (Getting angry) TARA: I can't. I-I can't talk about this. (Tries to walk away. Oz grabs her arm.) OZ: But there's something to talk about? (Angrier) (Tara just gasps and stares at him.) OZ: Are you two involved?! TARA: I have, I, I, I have to go. OZ: Cause she never said anything to me like that. We talked all night and she never- (Tara starts to walk away) No, stop! (Grabs her again. Tara looks scared.) OZ: (yelling) Is she in love with you? Tell me, is she?! (Shakes her by the shoulders. Then he lets her go. He's panting. They look down at his hand and it grows fur and claws. Tara looks really scared.) (Oz looks up. His face is half-wolfed and his eyes are black.) OZ: Run. Commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] (Tara runs through the hallways, not carrying books any more. The werewolf chases her. She runs into a classroom, up the tiers of chairs, tries to get out the back door but it's locked. The werewolf chases her up the stairs, then back down. She tries to get away but he corners her. Tara screams and throws a chair at him. He collapses and doesn't move. Tara stands there panting. We see a tranquilizer dart sticking out of the werewolf.) (Riley and Forrest and a bunch of other Initiative guys come in. Riley is putting away the tranquilizer gun.) FORREST: Are you okay? TARA: What's going on? FORREST: We'll take it from here. (Riley and the others are putting Oz in a bag.) COMMANDO 2: This thing looks like it may be one of the demons that took out Graham's guys the other night. RILEY: We'll take it back. We'll make an ID. If it is, we'll put him down. TARA: You don't understand, that's - (stuttering) FORREST: Listen, we know what we're doing. You're in shock. TARA: But- FORREST: We'll handle it. (Walks away.) TARA: No. (Cut to Adam's underground lair.) SPIKE: Well, that sounds like a lot of fun. ADAM: You see my problem, though. Total annihilation of the humans doesn't help me. I'll be needing heavy casualties on both sides. SPIKE: I get that. I'm still not sure how the Slayer fits in. ADAM: The humans need a leader... a champion. The Slayer can do that. SPIKE: (skeptical) Yeah... the thing about the Slayer is... she is a whiny little thing, but when it comes to the fighting, she does have a slight tendency to win. ADAM: Then I guess you should be on her side. (Spike smiles tolerantly.) SPIKE: This all goes down, the chip comes out, yeah? No tricks. ADAM: Scout's honor. SPIKE: *You* were a Boy Scout? ADAM: Parts of me. (Cut to Willow in the school library, pretending to read. Tara rushes in. Willow sees her and gets up.) WILLOW: What's up? You okay? TARA: Oz. We were talking and, he changed. Right in front of me. WILLOW: What? It's daylight. TARA: I know, but it happened. WILLOW: Oh my god, are you all right? TARA: I'm fine. Riley and the commando guys, they stopped him. But they don't know it's Oz. I tried to tell them, but ... they took him away. WILLOW: When? Just now? (Tara nods.) TARA: I think they might hurt him. WILLOW: I, I have to go, I have to find Buffy. TARA: I know. (Willow runs off. Tara looks upset.) (Cut to Giles' place. Xander and Anya on the sofa. Giles behind it. Willow pacing. Buffy in the background, on the phone.) WILLOW: Tara said they took him right before she found me. ANYA: So that's good, right? I mean, they probably haven't had time to eviscerate him yet. (Willow sits on sofa.) XANDER: An, you can help by making this a quiet time. GILES: Once again we're faced with a fairly daunting prospect of having to infiltrate the Initiative. XANDER: It'd be great if we knew someone dating a man on the inside. Someone with connections. (Buffy hangs up phone and comes around to the sofa.) XANDER: Oh, wait! (Gestures at Buffy) BUFFY: He's still not answering his pages. I left him another message. WILLOW: So what do we do? BUFFY: Well, we need to move fast. So we make a plan without Riley... (Shot of Giles looking concerned) and hope he calls. (Underground at the Initiative. Oz-wolf is in a cage, growling and trying to get out. Riley, Forrest, soldiers with guns, and scientists in white coats are watching. Another scientist approaches.) FORREST: What's the word, Doc? Is this the animal that took apart our men? DOC 1: We don't know yet, soldier. RILEY: What's the holdup? I thought Graham gave you a full description. DOC 1: The holdup is that he described characteristics present in over 40 known varieties of demon. So we're cross-checking DNA evidence - hair, fibers- RILEY: (impatient) And how long is that gonna take? DOC 1: (annoyed) I have no idea. RILEY: I don't need a bunch of tests to know that this thing's a killer. (Takes out his gun and points it at Oz. Suddenly Oz stops growling and morphs back into his human self. Riley lowers his gun and steps back. Everyone looks surprised. Oz looks up at them panting and closing his eyes.) (Fade to white screen.) (Fade to Oz's perspective, lying on a table with two docs over him and many more in the background. Doc1 is on the left, shining a flashlight in his eyes. Riley is behind him.) (Shot of Oz on the table, naked and looking groggy.) (Riley pushes forward.) RILEY: Hey, he's coming to. Oz! DOC 1: He won't be able to talk for a while. We gave him Haldol to keep him quiet. (Shining flashlight on Oz's teeth.) RILEY: Why? He's not a threat now. DOC 1: I allowed you to stay as long as you let us do our work, Agent Finn. Only Colonel Macnamara can place a cease order on medical testing, and he's told us to proceed. DOC 2: I always suspected that stuff about werewolf transformations being based on a lunar cycle was campfire talk. (Injects Oz with something. Oz groans.) (Riley sees the second doctor pulling out another instrument (stun gun?).) RILEY: Oh, hey, that's enough. Come on, the guy's a student, I know him. DOC 1: (points to the other soldiers) Take him out. COMMANDO 3: Yes sir. (Riley looks angry, but lets the other soldiers escort him away.) (Doc 2 puts the tip of the instrument on Oz's chest and zaps him with electricity. Oz screams and turns into the werewolf.) DOC 2: See that? Transformation related to negative stimulation. (The docs exchange a look.) (Back at Giles'.) BUFFY: Something's wrong. Riley usually returns my phone calls by now. XANDER: We can't wait much longer. BUFFY: I know. (Looks at Willow) Okay. Xander, you and I are gonna go in. We've done it before. WILLOW: I'm going with you. BUFFY: No. Look, it's too dangerous, Will. Besides, I need you to help Giles hack into the city's electrical grid. We've gotta try to power down the Initiative. WILLOW: Giles can do it without me. I can give him all the instructions, I can show him exactly what to do. GILES: Of course. WILLOW: I-I can't just sit here. (Buffy looks at Xander.) BUFFY: Okay. Okay, you can back us up. (Sighs) Now, the only way I know into the Initiative is through the elevator in the Lowell House. But my clearance is long gone. XANDER: So we grab a guy, make him take us. SPIKE: Or you could just use the back way. (Everyone turns to see Spike standing by the closed door.) SPIKE: Hell of a lot less bother. GILES: How did you get in? SPIKE: Door was unlocked. You might wanna watch that, Rupert. Someone dangerous could get in. BUFFY: Or someone formerly dangerous and currently annoying. SPIKE: (extremely amused and pleased with himself) Now, now. None of that. Or I won't help you get Red's mongrel back. (Everyone looks surprised.) Bad news travels fast with us demons. We all like a good laugh. (Chuckles) GILES: Short of cash, Spike? SPIKE: I happen to be seeking monetary gratification, yeah. But I also get a kick out of jackin' up those army ginks myself. I know how to find the big guy who can take you to Oz. BUFFY: Uh-huh. So what's the going rate on a wild goose chase, Spike? SPIKE: Fine, if you're not interested. But I was stuck in that hole, remember? And I've heard things from other guys who've ogtten out. I can get you in. No alarms, no cameras ... no waiting. (Everyone looks at Buffy.) (Oz huddled in a corner of a cell in the Initiative, naked and shivering. The door opens. Oz looks up, squinting like the light hurts his eyes. There's a big bruise on his shoulder. He frowns as Riley comes in.) RILEY: Oz. Put these on, man. (Gives Oz some clothes.) (Oz frowns but starts to get up.) (Riley helping Oz walk through the darkened Initiative staging area. Oz is clothed but weak. He leans on Riley. Suddenly the lights come on and they're surrounded by soldiers with guns. Forrest and Graham step forward. Graham's holding his handgun.) FORREST: End of the line. (Riley looks alarmed.) Commercial. (The Initiative brig. A guard lets Colonel Macnamara in. He enters and goes over to Riley's cell. Riley stands up from sitting on the bed and stands at attention. The colonel unlocks the door and walks into the cell.) COLONEL: At ease. RILEY: Permission to speak, Colonel. COLONEL: Denied. (Riley looks surprised.) COLONEL: Being new around here, Finn, I had a look at your record and Professor Walsh's notes. Until recently, you were an exemplary soldier headed straight for the top. Then you meet this girl, this ... slayer, and suddenly you begin to exhibit signs of disloyalty. You abuse your command. But tonight... (shakes his head, squints) To release a lethal HST back into the population - (Riley shakes his head.) RILEY: Sir, the prisoner- COLONEL: You will speak when I tell you to! (Riley goes back to attention.) COLONEL: Tomorrow I am going to institute a court-martial to investigate the extent of your involvement with the Slayer and her band of freaks. (pause) They're anarchists, Finn ... too backwards for the real world. You help us take them down, and you just might save your military career. Otherwise, you'll go to your grave labeled a traitor. (Riley looks shocked. The Colonel turns and leaves.) COLONEL: No woman is worth that. (The cell doors close.) (Cut to Buffy, Willow, Xander and Spike walking through the woods, armed. Buffy and Willow wear white lab coats. Spike and Xander wear green army fatigues.) BUFFY: I've mentioned how much I'm gonna kill you if this is a scam, right? SPIKE: Look, would I wear this if I wasn't on the up-and-up? WILLOW: You do sorta look like an evil olive. XANDER: Guys... check it out. (They all see the hidden doorway. They look at each other. Spike walks toward it.) (Shot of Adam in his lair working on a computer. The metal part of his face is hinged back and wires are running into his skull from the computer. ) (Spike pulls the doors open.) SPIKE: For a nasty town like Sunnydale, nobody seems to mind their locks. (The other three look at each other.) BUFFY: You first. (Spike rolls his eyes and enters.) (Shot of Adam. Something beeps and he looks at another computer screen. It's showing diagrams of underground tunnels.) (Cut to Anya working on a computer while Giles looks on.) GILES: Try typing in... (looks at paper maps of the area) X-H-4-J-7 for the emergency shutdown command. That covers the entire electrical grid for the university and outlying area. (Anya types it in.) (Shot of Adam at his computer. The words "EMERGENCY POWERDOWN IN PROGRESS" flash on his screen in red.) (Shot of Buffy, Spike and the others in the hallways of the Initiative. Suddenly the lights go out. Blue emergency lights come on.) (Shot of the UC Sunnydale campus, going black section by section.) (Shot of Anya and Giles as the power in Giles' apartment goes out (but the computer stays on). Anya smiles proudly.) ANYA: Slap my hand now! (Chuckles and holds up hand) GILES: Beg your pardon? ANYA: In celebration. GILES: Oh... (slaps her hand) Yes. ANYA: Ow! (Buffy kicks in a door and they burst into the room. It's the Colonel's bedroom. He's in bed. Buffy and Xander march over to his bed and point guns at him. He tries to reach for something on the bedside table.) BUFFY: Hey! (Points her crossbow in his face. He pulls his arm back) BUFFY: You know who I am? COLONEL: (looks from her to Xander, to Spike and Willow in the doorway) Yeah. BUFFY: Then you know I'm pretty good with this thing. Take us to him. Colonel: Finn stays in the brig. Helping an HST escape is a court-martial offense. (Buffy looks surprised) You're only gonna make matters worse. BUFFY: Riley tried to help Oz escape? COLONEL: (looks from one to the other) That's who you came for. The wolf. XANDER: Guess we're two for one. BUFFY: Get dressed. (Buffy walks down the hallway alone, past the guy standing guard outside the brig. As she passes him, she drops something.) GUARD: Hey, you dropped- (As he bends to pick it up, Buffy knees him in the face. He falls back. Buffy bends over him, takes his key-card, and uses it to open the door. She enters the brig where Riley is sitting on his bed. He gets up.) RILEY: How'd you get in? (Buffy opens his cell door) BUFFY: Talk later. Stealthy escape now. (She turns to go. Riley stops her.) RILEY: Buffy... (She turns back to him) I leave now, I can't ever come back. (Buffy just looks at him.) RILEY: I just wanted to hear that out loud. (They leave.) (Cut to the gang walking down the halls with Buffy holding her crossbow to the Colonel's head.) VOICE: Hold it! (The hallway in front of them suddenly fills up with soldiers holding guns. We see Oz in his cell nearby, watching. Buffy sees him too. More soldiers appear at the other end of the hall. Buffy and the gang are trapped.) BUFFY: Stay back... or I'll pull a William Burroughs on your leader here. (Everyone looks confused.) XANDER: You'll bore him to death with free prose? (Buffy looks annoyed.) BUFFY: Was I the only one awake in English that day? (Slowly, like you'd talk to an idiot) I'll kill him. (To the Colonel) Get him out. (The Colonel nods to one of the soldiers, who drops his gun and lets Oz out. Willow starts forward.) WILLOW: Oz... OZ: Will, get back. (He looks down at his hand, which is hairy and clawed again. Willow steps back looking shocked.) (Oz concentrates and his hand goes back to normal. Riley steps forward and grabs him.) BUFFY: Let's go. (Still holding the Colonel, they go back down the hall. The soldiers follow. They get into the elevator.) (Everyone stands silently looking at each other until the elevator stops. Everyone gets out except Riley, Buffy, and the Colonel. Riley opens the elevator control panel and rips out the wires, creating lots of sparks. He and the Colonel glare at each other. Buffy gets out of the elevator, still covering the Colonel with her crossbow. Riley follows.) COLONEL: You're a dead man, Finn. (Riley turns back.) RILEY: No, sir. I'm an anarchist. (He punches the Colonel in the face and walks away.) (At the old Sunnydale High ruins. Buffy and Riley are setting up a campsite. They have coolers and a camp lantern. Riley spreads a sleeping bag on the ground. Buffy is pouring from a thermos.) BUFFY: I hope everybody else is okay. It was better to split up, right? I mean, we're just too findable in a big clump. RILEY: It was better. Besides, I think it's mostly me the Initiative wants now. (He sits on the sleeping bag and sighs.) BUFFY: Probably. So what should we do? RILEY: (puts his head in his hands) We'll be safe for tonight at least. The campus is still blacked out, so that oughta slow the Initiative down. I'll (gestures vaguely) figure out my next move tomorrow. (Buffy sighs.) BUFFY: Quite a day, huh? (Riley nods.) BUFFY: You woke up to a big bowl of Wheaties. Now you're a fugitive. (Comes over to sit next to him) RILEY: I don't know. I'm sorry it ended that way. But I am glad it's done. I'm glad I know where I stand, finally. (Buffy looks pensive.) RILEY: I was wrong about Oz. I *was* being a bigot. (Buffy shakes her head.) BUFFY: No you weren't. You were thrown. You found out that Willow was in... kind of an unconventional relationship, and it gave you a momentary wiggins. It happens. RILEY: Still... I was in a totally black and white space, people versus monsters, and it ain't like that... especially when it comes to love. (Buffy looks up. She comes to a decision.) BUFFY: I have to tell you some stuff... about my past. And it's not all stuff that you're gonna like. (Riley looks a little nervous. He can tell this is important.) RILEY: You can tell me anything. BUFFY: I think so. (Smiles) I think I can. (Cut to Oz and Willow sitting in Oz's van.) WILLOW: This thing looks pretty good, considering you drove it overseas. (Oz doesn't look at her.) OZ: Well, it broke down outside of Mexico, and I traded my bass to have it fixed and garaged. (Pause.) OZ: I shouldn't have come back now... I just thought I'd changed. WILLOW: You have changed. (Smiles) You stopped the wolf from coming out. I saw it. OZ: But I couldn't look at you. (He still can't.) I mean, it turns out... the one thing that brings it out in me is you... which falls under the heading of ironic in my book. WILLOW: It was my fault. I upset you. (He finally looks at her.) OZ: Well, so we're safe then, (sarcastic) cause you'll never do that again. (Willow tries to look amused.) OZ: But... you're happy? WILLOW: (smiles) I am. I can't explain it- OZ: It may be safer for both os us if you don't. (Willow looks sad.) WILLOW: I missed you, Oz. I wrote you so many letters... but I didn't have any place to send them, you know? (Pause.) WILLOW: I couldn't live like that. OZ: It was stupid to think that you'd just be... waiting. WILLOW: I was waiting. I feel like some part of me will always be waiting for you. Like if I'm old and blue-haired, and I turn the corner in Istanbul and there you are, I won't be surprised. Because... you're with me, you know? OZ: I know. (Pause) But now is not that time, I guess. WILLOW:(shakes her head) No. (They look at each other.) WILLOW: What are you gonna do? OZ: I think I better take off. WILLOW: When? OZ: Pretty much now. (Willow nods. She's teary again. Oz leans over and they hug.) (Shot of the campus still in darkness. (Cut to Tara in her darkened dorm room, looking out the window. There's a knock on the door. She gets up to answer it. It's Willow, holding a candle.) WILLOW: No candles? Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey. (Tara doesn't say anything. Willow steps forward and gives her the candle, closes the door behind herself.) WILLOW: Tara, I have to tell you... TARA: No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love. WILLOW: (smiles) I am. (Tara looks amazed.) TARA: You mean... WILLOW: I mean. (pause) Okay? TARA: Oh, yes. WILLOW: I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now. TARA: (starts to smile) Right now? (Willow smiles and nods. Tara blows out the candle.)

Oz returns to Sunnydale after learning to control his werewolf instincts. However, he loses control when he suspects Tara ( Amber Benson ) and Willow's relationship, and is subsequently caught by the Initiative.

fd_Frasier_07x08

fd_Frasier_07x08_0

ACT ONE Scene One - Frasier's Car Niles and Frasier are enjoying a ride in the BMW, and I use the word "enjoy" loosely. Frasier is driving, Niles is whining in the passenger seat with his raincoat collar turned up around his neck. Niles: I can't believe how cold it is in here. Frasier: Niles, the climate control is on, it's perfectly comfortable. Niles: Oh, really? Touch your tongue to the seat belt, I dare you. Frasier: I'm starting to regret I even asked you to this exhibit. I wanted to invite Regan, but after the disaster I made of our first date I just felt too ashamed to even ask. Niles: Well, you can't avoid her forever, she's your neighbor. Ask her again, what's the worst thing that can happen? Frasier: She'd ask me to stop harassing her, which would mean I'd have to spend the next six months riding in the service elevator with Guillermo and his three-legged cat! Niles: How is little Wobbles? Frasier: Fine. Niles slowly turns up the heating control. Frasier: I see what you're doing, Niles! If you're so cold there's a scarf in the glove compartment. Niles: Oh, really? I thought that's where you kept the butter and the eggs. Frasier: Well, now it's burning up in here! I'm gonna take this coat off. Niles: Are you insane? Frasier starts taking his coat off, not concentrating on the road. Niles: At least wait until we've stopped... They start arguing about the road. Frasier: Take the wheel! Niles: I'll take the wheel but... Frasier, stop. [looks into road] Stop! Frasier: No, it's almost off. Niles: No, I mean brake, brake! Frasier crashes into the next car in a minor fender bender. The airbags deploy and squash the Crane boys. Niles: Are you all right? Frasier: Yes. Thank heavens your fist softened the blow of the airbag! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Accident & Emergency Frasier and Niles are waiting to be called. Frasier is holding a blood-stained tissue to his nose. A man, Phil, is sitting next to them. Phil: Hurt your nose? Frasier: [looks at Niles] Yes. Phil: That's what I figured. Right when you came in, I said, "That guy hurt his nose." So how did you, you know... Frasier: Excuse me. Frasier leaves him and goes to the receptionist. Frasier: Yes, hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane here. I was just wondering, I filled out my paperwork about half an hour ago. Receptionist: They'll call you. We're seeing people in order of importance. Frasier: Oh really, well, I do have my own radio show. Receptionist: The importance of the injury! Frasier: Yes, of course. Niles: [to receptionist] Do you know, are there any plastic surgeons on call? Frasier: Oh Niles, that's not necessary. Niles: Can't be too careful, could be broken. Receptionist: Don't worry, the best plastic surgeons in town have their offices here. Dr. Rab, Dr. Karnofsky and Dr. Burke. Niles: Karnofsky? Mel Karnofsky? Receptionist: That's right. Niles walks back to Frasier and explains. Niles: Maris's plastic surgeon. Would you believe that charlatan is still picking my pocket a year after my divorce? Frasier: Good Lord, for what? Niles: Oh, for Maris's botox injections. They use those botcholeanen toxins that you put in the forehead, it deadens the muscles and takes away the wrinkles. I gave it to her as a gift one year for our anniversary. Frasier: Oh, yes, probably your tenth. That's toxins, isn't it? Niles: Anyway, Karnofsky keeps billing me for her follow-up injections. Frasier: Good Lord. Phil has already crept onto the scene. Phil: So you're divorced, huh? Niles: Yes. Phil: Me too, I'm Phil. [puts his hand out, Niles doesn't reciprocate] Fourteen years together. Came home one day and... oh hell, I probably shouldn't even talk about it. Niles: Okay. The brothers walk away. Frasier: You know, Niles, seeing as how we're here, why don't you go and find this Karnofsky and straighten this whole thing out? Niles: No, no, I can't leave you here injured. Frasier: That's all right, Niles, I'll be fine. Niles: Are you sure? I may just pay Dr. Karnofsky a visit. Frasier: You know, it really is outrageous what these scalpel jockeys get away with; convincing women like Maris to spend fortunes on their exterior, when frankly what they need is to take a good look at the woman inside. Niles: Right. Well, she did have one chemical pill where you could see her kidneys for a while. Frasier: [laughs] Off you go. Good luck, Niles. Niles: Thank you. Niles walks off down the corridor. Frasier looks over at Phil who is now sat down reading the newspaper. He slowly edges to the seat next to him, making sure he is not seen over Phil's paper. Frasier thinks he's safe until... Phil: [lowers paper] Not a pretty woman, my wife, but when she danced you couldn't keep your eyes off her. Frasier: You know, actually I'm feeling a lot better, goodbye! Frasier gets up and runs out of the hospital. Then the nurse comes to the front desk and calls. Nurse: Frasier Crane? [no response] Frasier Crane, we're ready to see you. Phil: That's me! Phil gets up to go with the nurse. [SCENE_BREAK] WHAT, ME WORRY? Scene Two - Mel Karnofsky's Office. The office is decorated well with objets d'art. Niles is admiring the art as a man in a lab coat enters with a large, heavy box of files. Niles: Ah, Dr. Karnofsky, I see you've decided to make time for me! Clerk: Sorry, I'm from Records. I was told to bring over Maris Crane's files. [places the box on the desk] That's this year. The man then exits as a woman in a white lab coat enters from another door. Mel: Dr. Crane? Niles: [turns around] Yes. She puts down her clipboard and holds out her hand. Mel: I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. Melinda Karnofsky. To Niles's surprise, Mel Karnofsky is not just a woman, but a rather attractive one - with fine pale features, curly dark hair, and an ultra-fastidious air that he always thought was his exclusive province. Niles: [taken aback, shakes her hand] Oh, yes, of course, Niles Crane. About this billing issue...? Mel puts her hand on the box, then pulls it back. It is a little bit dusty. Mel: Oh my God, this box is filthy. She takes a wet wipe from her drawer and cleans her hands, which seems to fascinate Niles. Niles: Yes, the problem is I have received three invoices over the past six months. Mel: Yes, I'm so sorry about that. And I'm so sorry about all this dust. Do you mind, I'll have to turn on my hepafilter? Niles: Oh, you have a hepa... [notices and gasps] You have a Svenson! Mel: Yes. They're great, aren't they? [turns it on] Niles: Not to mention impossible to get in this country, I've tried. Mel: Well, I once did a favor for Mrs. Svenson. Oh, it's a long story. Niles: I'm all ears. Mel: So was she. Anyway, I've spoken to the accounting department about your bill and it was clearly our mistake. Please accept our apology, we'll take care of it. Niles: I appreciate that. Niles notices a print on the wall. It is a portrait of a woman done in the typical Cubist fashion of Picasso. Niles: Oh, I like that print very much. However, Mel seems to be obsessing with her coat. Niles: Everything all right? Mel: I'm sorry, I just noticed a smudge on my jacket. [points to an invisible mark] Niles: It's barely noticeable. Mel: You're being kind. Mel takes her jacket off - showing him a slender waist and an alluring pair of bare shoulders - and pops it in the bin. Mel: I got that print at the last museum show. Niles: Oh, I thought you looked familiar. Perhaps I've seen you there. Mel: Perhaps. I go to all of the openings, I'm on the museum board. Niles: Really? Well, congratulations. All the exhibits this year have been... Mel opens her wardrobe to reveal several identical white lab coats hung in seamless order. Niles notices. Niles: [passionately] Perfection! Mel: Well, thank you. Niles: I particularly like the Picasso. I'm a big fan of his Cubist period. Mel: Oh, striking, isn't she? Yes, I'd like to think if she came in here I could have actually helped her. [Niles laughs] You must think I'm terribly fussy. Niles: [passionately] Yes. Mel: Anyway, it was very nice meeting you. Niles: Likewise. Mel and Niles go to shake hands but before they do, Mel's phone beeps. Nurse: [v.o.] Dr. Karnofsky, Mrs. Magreshack has a question for you in room three. Niles: Helen Magreshack? Mel: Oh, I really can't say. Niles: Oh. [turns away, then leans in] She's finally having it removed? Mel: Why did she wait?! Niles: I don't know! They laugh. Mel exits as the man enters again. This time he has several file boxes stacked on a hand truck. Clerk: Found '98. Niles: Actually, that's all been settled. [picks up photo on desk] Can you tell me, is that her husband? Clerk: No, she's divorced. That's her son. Niles: Really? Dr. Karnofsky's so young, she must have had him when she was a child. Clerk: [skeptical] Okay. The man leaves as Mel enters again. She is surprised to see Niles. Mel: Oh, was there something else? Niles: Er, no. [walks away then] Er, no. Well- Mel: Yes? Niles: Mel, er... I was wondering, I, er... Niles strikes the box with his hands. Mel hands him a wet wipe. Niles: Thank you. Er, I'm not really sure how to ask. Mel: I think I know what it is. Niles: A-ha. Mel: And you've got no reason to be nervous. Niles: Oh, really? Mel: Yes. Just a few quick injections and those nasty little wrinkles in your forehead will disappear. Beat. Mel: Well, that is what you were going to ask, isn't it? Niles: [laughs] Yes. Mel: Well, it's a very simple procedure. Although your forehead will be numb for a while. I can fit you in at four-thirty. Niles: Oh good, that gives me time to do something I need to do. Mel: Excellent... [exits] As soon as she's gone, Niles throws a barrage of slaps at his own forehead in anger at himself. [SCENE_BREAK] DEAD MAN WATCHING Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment. Martin is sat in his chair reading the paper. Frasier is sat watching the news, holding a cold compress to his nose. The doorbell sounds. Daphne answers the door to Niles. Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane. Niles: Hello, Daphne. I was on my way home, I thought I'd see how the patient was doing. Frasier: Oh, I'm fine, thank you, Niles. Niles: You have no idea how guilty I'm feeling. [to Daphne] I suppose he told you it was my fist that struck in the inadvertent yet powerful blow. Frasier: So how did things go with the nefarious Dr. Karnofsky? Did you give him a piece of your mind? Niles: Actually he turned out to be a she, and quite a reasonable she at that. [sits next to Frasier] Frasier: Really? That's quite a turnabout. Niles: Yes, well... Daphne notices something on Niles. Daphne: Dr. Crane, don't move. Niles: Why? Daphne: There's a mosquito. Niles: Where? Daphne: On your forehead. Niles: Uh-oh! [pats about acting on his head] Get off, get off. Daphne: It's already gone. Niles: Oh. Daphne: Oh dear, looks like it bit you. Niles: All right... [acting] Ow! Frasier: Niles, wrinkle your forehead for me, will you? Niles: Why would I do that? Frasier: Just do it. Wrinkle your forehead. Niles attempts but fails. He stands up in protest. Niles: I'm not your marionette! Frasier: You got a botox injection! You've got a forehead full of poison right now, don't you? Niles: I do not! Daphne: [looking at the floor] Well, that's strange. The mosquito fell right out of the air, dead. [picks it up and bins it] Martin: What's a botox injection? Frasier: Oh, it's a cosmetic procedure they use to eliminate facial wrinkles. Martin: Oh great, my kids are having plastic surgery. That's a nice age to get to. Frasier: I can't believe you let Maris's witch doctor work her magic on you. Niles: Mel is a perfectly lovely person! In fact, I was screwing my courage up to ask her on a date when she noticed this little flaw and I lost my nerve. Frasier: Yes, and most of the feeling in your face as well! Daphne notices something on the television. Daphne: Dr. Crane, look, your picture's on the news. Frasier: Well, turn it up, Dad, turn it up. We then see a close-up of the television. Over the newscaster's shoulder is a studio portrait of Frasier, with the caption, "Frasier Crane: 1952 - 1999." Anchor: After checking into the hospital with what appeared to be minor injuries from a fender-bender, radio psychiatrist Frasier Crane died suddenly today. I'm sure it goes for all of us here at KYLL when I say he'll be sorely missed. [cheerful] But this rain won't be missed, will it, Flip? The three are watching it, gobsmacked. Frasier: Dear God! Martin: What the hell? Daphne: That's unbelievable! Niles: [flat face, shocked voice] Outrageous! [N.B. Frasier's birth year is given here as 1952 - three years before Kelsey Grammer's actual birth date. Thus, at this time Grammer is forty-four but Frasier is forty-seven.] END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene One - Caf Nervosa Frasier is talking to Roz on a front table. Frasier: As it turns out, after I left the hospital some poor devil used my name to jump the line and he dropped dead of a heart attack. I must say, it does seem a bit strange having plunged all of Seattle, albeit temporarily, into so much grief. Roz: I know, I'll never forget where I was when I heard you had died. I was out on the street. There was this crowd watching a television through a department store window, and before I knew it, we were weeping and hugging each other. Frasier: Very amusing, Roz! Roz: And then it began to rain, and I had this feeling that all the angels were crying. Frasier: [irate] Yes, all right, Roz! Martin arrives from the back of the caf with a copy of a newspaper. Martin: Hey, Roz. Fras, have you seen this? [hands him the newspaper] Frasier: Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. [to a puzzled Roz] It's my obituary. Roz: They printed it? Frasier: Yes, they must have picked it up off the wire last night before the news ran that correction. Martin: Jimmy gave it to me at McGinty's. Boy, everybody was so nice to me, buying me beers and everything. You know, because of the shock I went through thinking I'd lost my son. Frasier: Dad, what are you talking about? You didn't think I was dead! Martin: Well, people don't have to know that. I could have been at home alone, wondering where you were and I get this strange uneasy feeling. So I turn on the TV and there it is on the screen: the face of my dead son. Frasier: But I was sitting right beside you! Martin: Well, what kinda story is that? Frasier: It's the truth! Martin: Well, the truth doesn't put anything on a coaster! Martin exits in protest. Roz: Well, there's something for your scrapbook, huh? Your own obituary. [begins to read it] Frasier: Yes, well... you know, frankly, it's-it's a little upsetting. Roz: [looks up] I don't think they meant to be insulting, you are "lovably pompous." Frasier: Not that. It's just, seeing all my life in black and white, it just all looks a little incomplete. Roz: What do you mean? Frasier: Well, I was going to do so much with my life. I was going to write a novel, run for public office, I was gonna do my own translation of Freud... Roz: Well, what's stopping you? You're not actually dead. Frasier: I guess you're right. [laughs] I'm not dead, am I? [laughs] You know, maybe that's a good way of looking at this actually, more of a wake-up call. A lady interrupts him who has appeared. Lady: Dr. Crane, I was so relieved to hear that you're all right. Frasier: Well, thank you. Lady: I heard the news and I thought, "What a shame, why he is such a young man." Frasier: That's so nice of you. Thank you, thank you so much. You know, you're right. What am I doing frittering away my day here in this coffee house? [stands] You know, I've got things to do. I've got fresh world to conquer. I'm going to go out there and grab life by the scrub. Look out destiny, here I come! Frasier marches to the door and exits out onto the street. However, a rumble of thunder followed by a downpour of rain sees Frasier hurrying back in wiping the water from his coat. Frasier: [excusing] Well, it's really coming down out there. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier is working on his laptop on the dinner table wearing a tatty old sweater and jogging pants as Daphne enters with the laundry. There are food baskets all around the place. Daphne: What happened to your clothes? Did you spill something on yourself? Frasier: No, no, no, I'm going jogging later. Daphne: No need to be sarcastic, just give me the clothes and I'll do another load. Frasier: No, I'm serious, Daphne. I plan to go running just after I finish my obituary. [off Daphne's glance] It's a self- actualizing exercise. You write your obituary the way you'd like it to appear - years from now, of course - and then it helps you to focus your goals. [sits back] Here they are, all my hopes and dreams. Daphne: [looks at monitor] These are dreams, all right. [laughs, then reads] "Dr. Crane came late to athletics, he became a fixture in the Seattle marathon, the America's Cup yacht race, as well as the Kentucky Derby." [laughs] A jockey at your size! You better start writing an obituary for the horse. Frasier: Very amusing, Daphne. I meant as a stable owner. Martin enters and notices Frasier. Martin: Hey Fras. What you do? Spill something on your clothes? Frasier: No, I'm going jogging later. Martin: Well, there's no need to get sarcastic about it. Frasier: I'm serious, Dad, I'm going to have to start somewhere if I plan to run a marathon! Martin, however, hasn't listened and notices another food basket on the console behind the sofa. He takes a closer look. Martin: Ooh, we've got a new basket? Hickory Farms! Daphne: Yes, that one came this afternoon. Frasier: Dad, we agreed that we were going to send back all the condolence baskets intact. Martin: I know, I know, but, you know, if a can of pecans falls out here and there, who's going to notice? Oh, by the way. Guess who I ran into? That friend of yours from next door, Regan. Frasier: Really? Martin: Yeah. You know, she was pretty relieved to hear you weren't dead. You know, maybe there's still something going on there. Frasier: Oh, I don't know, Dad. I'd like to believe that, but I'm just too much of a realist. The doorbell sounds. Daphne: [reads screen] Tell that the two million people a year who visit "Frasier Land." [laughs] Frasier: It's a website, it teaches children about psychiatry! Martin opens the door to Niles. Martin: Hi. Niles: Oh, hi Dad. I can't stay, I just realized I think I left my cell phone here last night. Daphne: Oh, yeah, I did see it somewhere. Let me just have a look for it... Daphne goes to the console to search for it. Niles: [to Frasier] Why are you wearing running clothes? Martin: He won't tell us! Daphne: [picks up cell phone and hands it to Niles] Here it is. It was buried back here underneath all these baskets. Martin: Oh, Daph! Look what you did! Rooting around in there, you poked a hole right through this... [Martin quite obviously punches a big hole through the cellophane on purpose] Hickory Farms basket! We can't send it back now! [He takes it to his chair.] Niles: Thank you, Daphne. Daphne exits to her room. Frasier: Niles. Niles: Yes? Frasier: Is that a bandage sticking out of your shirt? Niles: Oh, where? Frasier: Well, right there. [points to one on the back of his neck] Niles: Oh yes, I cut myself shaving. Frasier: On the back of your neck? You went to see Karnofsky again, didn't you? Niles: Yes, I did! I was going to ask her out again, when I got all flustered and I caught her staring at this grotesque carbuncle. Frasier: Carbuncle? You mean that miniscule mole of yours. Niles: Well, to you. I've always been self-conscious about it. I've made many a hasty wine selection because I felt the sommelier staring down at it. Frasier: Oh, please. Just knock this off. Isn't it time you just asked the woman out? Niles: Frasier, I'm just waiting until the moment's right. Frasier: Like you did with Daphne?! And that hits Niles hard. There is a silent pause. Frasier: Oh, Niles, I am sorry. But I'd like to see you do this while I can still pick you out of a crowd. You know, I've got tickets for the opera tonight. Why don't you ask her to join you? Niles: Oh, I don't know. [sits down] Frasier: Come on. Take a cue from me, I'm completely reinventing myself. You know what, [begins stretching his legs] if I can learn a new language, write a bestseller, well then surely you can ask this woman out. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a marathon to train for! Frasier gets caught on the console and falls down behind the sofa. Niles and Martin rush to his aid. Martin: Are you all right, Fras? Frasier: I'm fine. Martin: What happened? Niles: Well, I think he tripped on one of these baskets. Martin: Did you break anything? Frasier: I don't think so. Martin: Because, if you broke it, there's no point sending this one back either. Martin takes another basket from the floor and heads to his chair whilst opening it. Niles tends to Frasier. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier enters through the front door. He is hobbling with his new cane. Then Martin enters with his old cane. They look at each other. Frasier has become his father. Frasier: Oh, dear God. Martin: [laughs] Look at you. They gave you a sweet one. All shiny and with no scuffs. Still has that new cane smell. Frasier: Play your cards right, I might let you take it for a spin around the lobby. Martin: Well, what they say? Frasier: Oh, just a little sprain. It's gonna take a couple of weeks. The two sit down at the table. Frasier boots up his laptop. Frasier: I guess I'm going to have to rethink my life's plan a bit. Martin: Oh, you're gonna be doing all this stuff? Frasier: Well, of course, Dad, why wouldn't I? Martin: Oh, I don't know. It just seems all so complicated. The first one you tried was kind of a bust. Frasier: Yes, well you know, I've just got to scale things back a little bit. Set my sights on more attainable goals. For instance, here: "Visit South America." That's in. "Discover the lost treasure of the Incas." That's out. [deletes it] "Take up rafting." That's in. "Retrace Lewis and Clarke's Route." That's out. And all this perpetual motion stuff, all this can go. [deletes it] The doorbell sounds. Frasier: Daphne! Martin: Oh no, she's out for the whole evening. You're gonna have to get it yourself. Frasier: Oh, all right. Frasier slowly hobbles to do so. Martin: Let's see how that thing handles the corners. Come on, open her up! Frasier races to the door to find Niles and Mel dressed for an evening out. Niles: Hello Frasier, I'd like you to meet Dr. Mel Karnofsky. Frasier: [to Mel] Well, I can't tell you what a pleasure this is. Niles: I believe you have some opera tickets for us. Frasier: Yes, I do. [fetches them] Niles: Oh, Mel, this is my father, Martin. [Martin stands] Martin greets Mel. Frasier hands them the tickets. Mel: Thank you. We're very grateful for this. Niles and I happen to be such huge fans of Puccini. Martin: [as Eddie enters] Speaking of which, here is our own little "Pooch-ini"! Mel greets Eddie as he licks her. Mel seems to enjoy it and pets him. However when she stands up the hair brush comes up as Niles wipes her ear with a tissue. Martin and Frasier give each other a look. Frasier: So, where are you two having dinner? Mel: Bel Canto, we have a table on the terrace. Frasier: Terrace? Well, I didn't know they had a terrace. Mel: Really? Well I guess you have to know the owner. But, we better be going. I've pre-ordered our chocolate souffl s and they'll be ready at seven-thirty precisely. Frasier: Well, off you go then. Just remember, Niles, nothing puts on love handles faster than chocolate souffl . Mel: Oh well, you know, no one takes them off faster than I do. [laughs] Frasier: Very funny, lovely meeting you. Mel and Niles exits as Frasier closes the door. Frasier: Well, she seems a bit much. Martin: What do you mean? Frasier: Well, picking the restaurant, dining on the terrace, you have to know the owner. Doesn't she remind you of someone? Martin: Yeah, you! Frasier: I was talking about Maris. Martin: Oh, come on, don't you think you're overreacting a little bit? I mean, Niles sure seems happy. Frasier: Yes, you're right, Dad. In fact, I've got a lot to accomplish this evening. [sits on sofa] Tonight, I'm going to start on my Russian language tapes. Martin laughs. Frasier: What is it, Dad? Martin: What? Nothing. Frasier: What, don't you think I can do any of these things? Martin: No, I think you can do anything you put your mind to, Frasier, you always have. Frasier: Thank you, Dad. Martin: I just wonder about all these projects. Frasier: Well, as I said, I am streamlining. Martin: You know, I think what you discovered this week was that something's missing from your life. And before you start to fill it up with everything but the kitchen sink, I thought you ought to just ask yourself, "what do I really want? What is really going to make me happy... now?" Pause. Martin: Well, that's weird. I suddenly feel like having a beer. Martin gets up and exits to the kitchen, joyfully waving one of the meat logs from the Hickory Farms basket. Frasier makes a decision. He stands up, punches a hole in one of the condolence baskets and takes a bottle of champagne from it. He heads out into the corridor, goes next door and knocks. Frasier: Regan, it's me, Frasier! END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier's Apartment - Niles is seated on the couch, leafing through a magazine. Martin walks behind him, reaches down and taps Niles's forehead with his finger. Niles does not react. Martin removes a bow from one of the gift baskets, placing it in the middle of Niles's once-again numb forehead. Niles senses something and scratches his ear, but the bow remains. As Martin sits down Niles glances at his watch and realizes he has to leave. He goes out the door with the bow still firmly in place as Martin waves smugly from his recliner.

Frasier and Niles have a minor car accident and end up at the hospital. While waiting for Frasier to be seen, Niles discovers that Maris' plastic surgeon , who is still sending him the bills for Maris' botox treatments, is based here. He takes the opportunity to confront this Dr. Mel Karnofsky, and finds that she is a young-looking, attractive divorcée with a fussy nature akin to his own and an interest in the arts. Later that day, a local news report announces Frasier's death, a case of mistaken identity caused when he left the hospital early, and the person who took his place in the line suffered a fatal heart attack . When reading his obituary in the newspaper, Frasier reflects on his life, and all the things he has yet to achieve. Martin, meanwhile, enjoys the attention and free drinks he receives from everyone who thinks he has just lost his son.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_05x02

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_05x02_0

TED (2030): This is the story of two blind dates. One in 2009... And one seven years earlier. In all that time, my dating routine remained more or less the same... until the fall of 2009, when I finally had a date that was different. Because it was exactly the same. I was on a blind date with the same woman I went on a blind date with seven years earlier. IN. JEN'S APPARTMENT 2002/2009 [Two years in the same screen] Ted knocks on the door, she opens. Jen: Ted? Ted: Jen? [SCENE_BREAK] Jen: It's nice to meet you. Ted (2030): And she didn't remember it. But then again... Ted: It's nice to meet you, too. Ted (2030): Neither did I. ***GENERIC [SCENE_BREAK] IN. MC LAREN'S Barney: Guess who just got four tickets to the "Origins of Chewbacca" Star Wars exhibit? Lily: Why? Barney: No, I said, "Guess who?" Lily: I heard you. Robin: Yeah, um, isn't it a little early in our relationship to do something that would end our relationship? Marshall: What? No, what are you talking about? It can be our first double date as couples! And plus, it sounds awesome! Is the original Chewbacca going to be there? Barney: Peter Mayhew, in the fur. Who's with me? IN. TAXI Marshall has accepted to go with Barney and they took a taxi. Marshall: Hey, do you think they'll have Wookiee to English dictionaries there? I mean, even just an everyday phrase book would be helpful. Barney: We're not going to the "Origins of Chewbacca" exhibit,Marshall. It's inHouston this year. Everyone knows that. I just wanted to get rid of the girls. Marshall: Where are you taking me, Barney? Ted (2030): This wasn't the first time your Uncle Barney had kidnapped one of us. **FLASHBACK 4 YEARS EARLIER** IN. TAXI Ted: Wait a second, the "Origins of Chewbacca" exhibit's inMontreal this year. Everyone knows that. Where are you taking me? Barney: My guy in the DA's office scored us front row seats to a lethal injection. But we're still stopping for chili dogs first. Ted: Stop the cab. **END OF FLASHBACK** Marshall: Where are you taking me? IN. STRIP CLUB Marshall: Barney, why are we here? Barney: Marshall, now that Robin and I are together, I've learned a lot about relationships by watching you and Lily. Marshall: Thanks, man. Barney: You're a terrible couple. Lily has taken all the man out of you. I used to think that's just every relationship. But what I've got with Robin proves that you can have a girlfriend and fully functioning male genitalia all at the same time. Marshall: Okay, right. So, if Robin knew that you were here, she would be completely fine with it? Barney: Are you kidding? She'd sprint down here with a purse full of singles and a poncho for the 10:30 Jell-O show. BT-Dub, I called ahead it's lime. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted (2030): Meanwhile, Jen and I were at my favourite first date restaurant... for the second time. IN. RESTAURANT Ted: So, Jen, what do you do? Jen: I'm between jobs banking crisis. **FLASHBACK 2002** Jen: I'm between jobs Internet bubble burst. Makes me realize I should go into something more stable... like banking. So what about you? Ted: I'm an architect. Hopefully, one day, I can use my own humble brush on the masterpiece that isManhattan's skyline. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted: I teach architecture. Get 50% off so, that's pretty sweet. [SCENE_BREAK] IN. STRIP CLUB A striper comes up to Marshall. Marshall: Married! Barney: What is wrong with you? You're just looking. It's like fantasizing about other women. It's harmless. Wait. Don't tell me you don't fantasize about other women. Marshall: I do! It's just not that easy. Barney: False! I once fantasized about that silhouette chick you see on a truck's mudflaps. Took me less than a mile. Marshall: Not everyone is you, okay, Barney? Even when I do start to have a dirty thought like that... it seems so much like cheating on Lily, that I feel guilty. So first, I need to have a different fantasy. **MARSHALL'S FANTASY** Lily starts to hiccup. Marshall took her to the hospital. Doctor: Bad news. Lily has a rare and fatal hiccup disorder that's apparently medical illegitimate. Marshall : What?! How could this be?! Doctor: Beats me, but it says it right here on this doctor clipboard that doctors have. 6 months later, Lily is still in the hospital. Lily: It's time, baby. Marshall: I will never love again. Lily: No,Marshall, you must. And after an appropriate number of years, you should find someone else. Someone like that busty delivery girl from that one time. And plow her like a cornfield. Then she dies. At the funeral, the priest speaks. Priest: And so,Marshall, to honour Lily, you must find that busty delivery girl from that one time and plow her like a cornfield. And after an appropriate number of years, someone knocks at the door. Delivery girl: Delivery for Marshall Eriksen. Marshall: (kissing his hand and looking up and ) This one's for you Lily. (to the delivery girl, opening his shirt) Where do I sign? **END OF FANTASY** Marshall: And then watch out, because it is on! Barney: That is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Dude, Lily gets you in real life She has no business in your fantasies. Marshall: It's all I know, okay? I can't, I can't help it. Barney: I accept your invitation. Marshall Eriksen, from this day forward, I will be the wingman of your mind. Now, focus on the next dancer. Put Lily completely out of your mind. Voice: Gentlemen, say hello J-J-J-Jasmine. The striper looks like Lily. Marsahll: Barney? Is it just me or does that stripper look exactly like...? Barney, excited, calls Ted on the phone. Barney: Ted, we found a stripper who looks exactly like Lily! Ted: Yeah, I can't talk right now. Barney: I'm speechless, too. Everything's as perky as we've always imagined! Marshall: Stop looking at her. Ted: Uh, look, I got to go. Take a picture. Barney: Oh, I will. But first, I'm going to makeMarshall watch as I wedge Ulysses S. Grant between his wife's tatas. Marshall: (hitting him) I'll kill you! [SCENE_BREAK] IN. RESTAURANT Ted: (hanging up his cellular) Sorry about that. Jen: So, any thoughts on food? [SCENE_BREAK] Ted: Yeah, do you wanna share the oysters? Jen: I would love to share the oysters. Ted: Good. 'Cause if you didn't......that would be mighty shellfish. Jen: Wow, that's bad. Ted: That's why it's funny! [SCENE_BREAK] Ted and Jen: We've been on this date before. Ted: We've been on this exact blind date before. Jen: In this exact same restaurant. Ted: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that blind date went too well. Jen: Me neither. I remember thinking that you were a little snobby. Ted: Wait, you... You dressur cats up in weird costumes. Jen: They're not weird. See, you're being snobby again. Ted: Oh, my God. Do you realize what this means? Since our first date, we've done a complete lap of all the single people inNew York only to end up back here, with each other. Jen: Whoa. We're going to die alone, aren't we? Ted: Well, you've got your cats. They chuckle. Jen: This is insane. Ted: Wait, I got to ask. Why did you think I was snobby? Jen: Wait... Okay... yeah, we were sitting over there... (showing a table) [SCENE_BREAK] Ted laughs, reading the menu. Ted: Main Lobster. They spelled "Maine" without the "e." Good to know we're not getting the crappy understudy lobsters, right? Tonight, the role of pound-and-a-half lobster will be played by... Jen: I get it, Ted. [SCENE_BREAK] Jen: Pointing out spelling errors in a menu makes you seem kind of snooty. Ted: Huh. I had no idea. Jen: Okay, well, what about me? Aside from the cats, how did I come across? Ted: That's right-- the check. The check came and, of course, I was going to pay, but you didn't do the check dance. [SCENE_BREAK] The waiter brings the check. Ted takes it and Jen don't even look at it. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted ; Guys want to wave the girl off and, you know, look like a big shot. Jen: Huh. I had no idea. Ted: This is good. We're learning stuff. You know what we should do? We should retrace the rest of that night and figure out what else we do wrong on first dates. 'Cause let's be honest, we are scaring people off, Jen. Jen: We really are. Okay, I'm in. Ted: Great. Jen: Where'd we go next? Ted: I think we went to MacLaren's. Jen: Okay. They rise up. Jen: Hey, I didn't really talk about my cats that much, did I? [SCENE_BREAK] Jen: And then, there's Tabby-gail Adams, the jester of the group. [SCENE_BREAK] Jen: Tone down the kitty talk. Check. They leave the restaurant. [SCENE_BREAK] IN. MC LAREN'S Barney: You will not believe who we saw tonight. Marshall: Dude, um... Barney: We saw the third doppelganger! Ted (2030): I should explain. Over the years we had spotted two strangers who looked exactly like members of our group. **FLASHBACK** OUT. STEET Barney: Hey, hey, hey, hey! (showing a girl who spits on the ground) Ted (2030): Lesbian Robin. OUT. OTHER STREET The group sees a photo in a bus. Ted (2030): And Moustache Marshall. By the following summer, we would find the remaining two doppelgangers. But I'll get to that. **END OF FLASHBACK** Barney: Ladies, meet Stripper Lily. (showing a photo in his cellular) Lily: Oh! Barney: Yeah, I couldn't get her face in it. But she looks just like you. Lily: So you went to a strip club? Barney: Busted. Lily: And there was a stripper who looked exactly like me? Marshall: Okay, babe, look, before you get mad, let me... Lily: Awesome! I bet the guys were going crazy. Oh, I bet they wanted to touch her so bad. But all you can do is look, unless you go into the back room, but honey, you got to pay for that. Robin: So... Strip club. Barney: Marshall made me go. [SCENE_BREAK] OUT. STREET Ted: All right, so what did I do wrong next? Let me have it. I'm here to learn. Jen: Well, I kept telling you I was cold, but you didn't offer me your jacket. [SCENE_BREAK] Jen: It's a little brisk out tonight, huh? Ted: Not really. Jen: Really? I can't feel my fingers. Ted: I'm pretty impervious to stuff like that. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted: I couldn't admit I was cold. I didn't want to seem like a wimp compared to your action hero ex-boyfriend who you wouldn't stop talking about. [SCENE_BREAK] Jen: After a day of fighting fires, Jim would love to come home and unwind working on his '68 Camaro. That or bare-knuck boxing, which he learned in the Marine Corps. Ted: I had an aunt in the Coast Guard. [SCENE_BREAK] Jen: Okay, so no talking about the ex. Not even about his shockingly small wiener? Ted: See? Why didn't you lead off with that? [SCENE_BREAK] IN. MC LAREN'S Lily: Was there a shower on stage? Sometimes there's a shower on stage. I bet stripper me would get in there with another girl and just go bananas. Barney: See,Marshall? We got to have a bros' night at a strip club and both of our ladies are totally cool with it. Robin: I'm not cool with it. Barney: Because they understand that it's healthy for us to do that from time to time. Robin: It's disgusting. Barney: Because it's harmless. Robin: Did one of your whores tell you that? Barney: And, Lil,Marshall shouldn't have to go to so much trouble just to have an innocent fantasy. Lily: Trouble? What trouble? Marshall: It's, no, it's nothing. Barney: Marshall, tell her. We're all friends here. Robin: No, we're not. Marshall: Lily, Sometimes I think about other women. Okay, it happens. But even when I do, I feel so guilty that I have to imagine you... passing away first, because even in a fantasy world, I could never cheat on you. You're... you're just my life, baby. And I love you. Lily: You kill me off?! I mean, fantasize about other girls all you want, but could you maybe not murder me?! Marshall: Murder?! No! I, baby-no. You develop a chronic illness! I spare no expense for your care! I even stand up a foundation in your name. We're, like, this close to a cure. [SCENE_BREAK] OUT. STREET Ted: Remember? (showing the Mc Laren's bar) Jen: Oh, yeah! I do remember. We went in here for a drink with your friends. Who I loved... Or hated, depending on whether you're still friends with them. Ted: You loved them. Jen: They're family, Ted. Ted: Let's go in and see what they remember. And they are my best friends, so don't be surprised if they suddenly "can't think" of anything I do wrong. IN. MC LAREN'S Robin: Did he juggle? Bad puns? Mmm. Expect a standing ovation for picking up a $19 check Lily: Oh, let's not forget the menu typo gold mine. Keep pannin' that river, buddy. Marshall: Well, it is a lot cheaper than buying a condom. Oh! Jen: Actually you know what it was? I remember him coming across as kind of a player. Ted: Me? All the other: Ted? Jen: Yeah. We were all sitting over there... (showing a table) [SCENE_BREAK] Jen: And here's a picture of my cats dressed up like Batman villains. You got the Joker, the Riddler, Mr. Freeze... Lily: What about Cat Woman? Jen: Yeah, that would've been good. Barney: Psst! Ted! (showing a girl with his head) Ted: (looking at the girl) Nice. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted: Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no! I remember that. I was not checking out a girl. [SCENE_BREAK] Barney ; Psst, Ted. (showing a Moustache Marshall with his head) Ted: Nice. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted: We were checking out Moustache Marshall. The other: Ah... Jen: Gosh, I thought you were such a jerk. I'm so sorry. Ted: Yeah, well, it's nice to know "past me" wasn't a total jackass, huh? Jen: "Present you" isn't so bad, either. [SCENE_BREAK] OUT. ROOFTOP OF TED'S BUILDING Jen: Thank you very much. Ted: You got it. Jen: Yes. Oh, yeah! I remember this. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted: ...and there's theChryslerBuilding. And the Empire State Building. And at 12:00, a rotund couple going at it against the glass. Jen: Aww... That's kind of sweet. Oh, look. Snack break. Ted: Good for them. Letting a guy eat pizza off your back, that's love. So, um... I know this wasn't the best first date of all time, but, uh, I'm glad we stuck it out. Jen: Me, too. They kiss. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted: That was really great. Wh... What went wrong? Jen: I remember now. [SCENE_BREAK] Jen: (after the kiss) Wow. Ted: Yeah. So would you maybe, um... want to go out again? Jen: Yeah, I, I would. Will you call me? Ted: Absolutely. Jen: Promise? Ted: Promise. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted: I have been so busy. Jen: Good night, Ted. She's leaving when her phone rings. Jen: Hello? Ted: Jen, I sorry. Look, I know I'm seven years late with this call, but I was an idiot back then. You saw the goatee. The truth is, I had a great time tonight, and I'd love to see you again. Jen: Ted, there are two kinds of guys. The guys that you want to call you, who don't; and the guys you don't want to call you, who always do. And somehow, right now, you're both. [SCENE_BREAK] IN. MC LAREN's Lily: Baby... You should be able to fantasize about another woman without feeling guilty, or you know, killing me off. Marhsall: I wish that I could, but I've been doing this for so long, I'm all confused about death and s*x. It's gotten to the pot where every time I drive past a cemetery, I'm sportin' a partial. Lily: All right, we got to fix this. [SCENE_BREAK] IN. STRIP CLUB Lily: Okay, when Stripper Lily gets out here, you have my permission to fantasize about her. And since she's basically me, maybe you won't feel guilty. Marshall: Thanks, baby. I'm-I'm so lucky I have you. And stripper you. Lily: Bring out Stripper Lily! Barney: (to Robin) You know, I don't come here that much. Waitress: Hey, Barney. He's the usual and I'll send over the other usual as soon as she's done stretching. Barney: Thank you, kindly stranger. Voice: Ladies and gentlemen... Oh, hey, Barney. Didn't see you come in. I'll load up some AC/DC for you, buddy. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for J-J-Jasmine. Jasmine starts her show. Lily: I am hot! Oh, crawl for it, stripper me.I is awesome. Baby, can I get another hundred? Marshall: That was a hundred? Lily: Wow, she crawls fast. [SCENE_BREAK] OUT. ROOFTOP Ted: Look, Jen, I wish I could go back and talk some sense into 2002 Ted, but that guy's a lost cause. He's 24. He thinks a little facial hair makes him look like John Depp. And he has no idea what a great girl he's missing out on. But I've learned a lot since then. I've learned a lot tonight. Jen: The only thing that we've learned is that, seven years ago, it was mistake for us to go out. And I guess it was a mistake for us to go out tonight. Ted: No, it wasn't. I had a great time tonight. And seven years ago, if you think about it, we didn't miss by that much. If a couple things had gone a little bit differently... who knows what would have happened? Ted imagines: She wants to pay the restaurant. He offers her his jacket. They takes pictures with Moustache Marshall. He calls her after their date. They marry. Jen: Wow. Marshall: Wow. [SCENE_BREAK] STRIP CLUB Barney: You are the best. My girlfriend is at a strip club with me and she couldn't care less. Robin: I do care, Barney. Look, we're dating now, okay? That changes things. We have to have a serious talk about this. Barney: Just the best. Marshall: Hey. Girlfriend trouble? I wish I could help, but my unbelievably cool wife just bought us a private dance with her stripper body double. So if you need me, I'll be getting grinded like some pepper, in theChampagne room. Barney: Just the best. [SCENE_BREAK] OUT. ROOFTOP Jen: ... now what? Ted: I just remembered why I didn't call you. Jen: Why? Ted: I can't believe I'm gonna screw this up again, but, um... I like finding typos in menus. Jen: What? Ted: And I know my shellfish pun is stupid but the truth... I'm not suddenly gonna stop making stupid jokes. Jen: Now that you mention it... I'm never going to stop talking about my cats. They're funny and adorable and totally worth having to take six Benadryl a day. Ted: Shouldn't we hold out for the person who doesn't just tolerate our little quirks, but actually kind of likes them? Even if it means finding ourselves on another blind date with each other, seven years from now? Jen: Oh, dear God, I hope that doesn't happen. Ted: Well... good luck out there, Jen. Jen: You too, Ted. You'll find your shellfish lady. Ted (2030): And kids, when I told your mother that shellfish joke, she did laugh. And I swear, it was only, like, 30% pity. [SCENE_BREAK] IN. STRIP CLUB Jasmine is on the stage, but is not doing very well. Lily is coming near Marshall. Marshall: Hey, Lil. Looks like, uh, Jasmine's having a hard time getting out of those boots. Lily: (smoking and looking weird) What did you say, buddy? Marshall: Lily? Lily: Who? Oh, yes... I am this Lily. We married long time. May I have monies for shopping? Marshall: (going on the stage) Lily!

While on a blind date, Ted realizes this is actually his second first date with the same girl, and seven years later they still have nothing in common. Meanwhile, Barney takes Marshall out on the town, much to the dismay of Robin.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_20x10

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_20x10_0

MAWDRYN UNDEAD BY: PETER GRIMWADE Part Two First Air Date: 2 February 1983 Running time: 24:33 [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Done it. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Here we go. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Well, that shouldn't have happened. TURLOUGH: What's happened? Could it have been affected by tangential deviation coming out of the warp ellipse? DOCTOR: Not with the dead reckoning alignment in the coordinates. This is 1983? TURLOUGH: Yes. DOCTOR: Then it should be here. TURLOUGH: But as it isn't, where's it gone? [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Where's the Doctor? Nyssa, are you sure this is the right place? NYSSA: It should be. TEGAN: Something's wrong, isn't it. NYSSA: I don't know. I'm sure the Doctor's only wandered off. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Will your friends be safe? DOCTOR: I hope so. Now, what did I do wrong? TURLOUGH: What do I do now? Say something! BRIGADIER: Turlough! [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Doctor? Doctor? TEGAN: There's no one here. [SCENE_BREAK] BRIGADIER: Ah, so there you are, Turlough. TURLOUGH: Sir. IBBOTSON: What happened? The sphere BRIGADIER: Oh do be quiet, boy. You're supposed to be in the sickbay. TURLOUGH: I was with the Doctor. BRIGADIER: Doctor? What, Doctor Runciman? TURLOUGH: No, sir. This Doctor. DOCTOR: Brigadier. Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge Stewart. BRIGADIER: Well, who are you? [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Down there in the valley. NYSSA: I think I saw someone move. TEGAN: It can't be the Doctor. There hasn't been time enough for him to get that far. Maybe the capsule's malfunctioned? I hate those transmat things. Like travelling in a food mixer, and just as dangerous. I'd be afraid of coming out pureed. NYSSA: Look. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Doctor! Look at the state he's in. What are we going to do? NYSSA: Tegan, we mustn't panic. TEGAN: He could die. Doctor, what happened? MAWDRYN: Where am I? NYSSA: You're on Earth, Doctor. You came in the transmat capsule. MAWDRYN: Earth? TEGAN: We followed you through in the TARDIS. Do you remember? MAWDRYN: TARDIS? NYSSA: It's outside. Let me help you. MAWDRYN: TARDIS. NYSSA: Doctor. MAWDRYN: Help me. Help me into the TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] BRIGADIER: Well, I'm sorry. If we have met before, it's entirely slipped my memory, and I've got to get these boys back to school. Come on, you two. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: I'll get some clothes for him. NYSSA: Don't you think we should get him into a bed? TEGAN: It's too risky to move him again. Go and find some blankets. We must keep him warm. TEGAN: It's all right, Doctor. You're safe inside the TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] HEADMASTER (OOV.): Come in. DOCTOR: Brigadier? BRIGADIER: Oh, it's you. DOCTOR: I'd forgotten. BRIGADIER: I beg your pardon? DOCTOR: I've regenerated. BRIGADIER: Really. DOCTOR: What would you say if I told you I was looking for my TARDIS? BRIGADIER: Very little. DOCTOR: What about our time together with UNIT? BRIGADIER: What? DOCTOR: So you do remember. BRIGADIER: UNIT is a secret organisation. If you are aware of its existence, you would almost certainly have signed the Official Secrets Act. DOCTOR: Is there somewhere we could talk? BRIGADIER: Oh, very well. My quarters. This way. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: I think he's unconscious. NYSSA: Something must have happened to the capsule. TEGAN: I told you those things were dangerous. NYSSA: That boy! TEGAN: Turlough. I forgot about him. Stay here. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: An undercover operation, is it, Brigadier? I mean, I hardly expected to find you at a boy's school. BRIGADIER: Huh. [SCENE_BREAK] MAWDRYN: Stability not achieved. Our transmat projection was destructive. Stability not achieved. No end. NYSSA: You're safe now, Doctor. TEGAN: No sign of Turlough. NYSSA: He could have been atomised. [SCENE_BREAK] BRIGADIER: There you are. DOCTOR: Your quarters? BRIGADIER: Serviceable. DOCTOR: Quite. BRIGADIER: Well. Here we go. BRIGADIER (OOV.): Sorry about the door. [SCENE_BREAK] BRIGADIER: Do go in. BRIGADIER: Now then, what's all this about UNIT? DOCTOR: Brigadier, I need your help. I've lost the TARDIS. BRIGADIER: I don't know what the TARDIS is. I've already told you. DOCTOR: And you don't remember me? BRIGADIER: Certainly not. But whoever you are, I can't let you wander around blabbing about classified UNIT operations. DOCTOR: Oh, there's much more at stake than a breach of security. I've lost my TARDIS, you've lost your memory. I'd be surprised if the two events weren't connected. BRIGADIER: Let me tell you, sir, that I'm in full possession of all my faculties. After all, if I was suffering from amnesia, I'd be the first to know about it, wouldn't I? [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: I'm going for help. NYSSA: Where? TEGAN: To that building we saw. Use their phone. NYSSA: If only we still had the Zero room. Its restorative power would have helped. TEGAN: Well, as we haven't, a hospital's the next best thing. I'm off. NYSSA: All right. Take the homing device with you. TEGAN: I'll be as quick as I can. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: By the way, how's Sergeant Benton these days? BRIGADIER: Oh, left the army in 79. Sells second hand cars somewhere. DOCTOR: And Harry Sullivan? BRIGADIER: Seconded to NATO. Last heard of doing something very hush-hush at Porton Down. DOCTOR: Do you ever see anything of Jo Grant? BRIGADIER: What? DOCTOR: My assistant, Jo Grant. VOICE (OOV.): Jo Grant. BRIGADIER: Jo Grant? DOCTOR: Sarah Jane? VOICE (OOV.): Sarah Jane. BRIGADIER: Sarah Jane? DOCTOR: Liz Shaw you'll remember, of course. VOICE (OOV.): Liz Shaw. BRIGADIER: Liz Shaw? DOCTOR: Are you all right? BRIGADIER: Someone just walked over my grave. DOCTOR: Perhaps it was a yeti, Colonel Lethbridge Stewart. DOCTOR: One lump or two, Brigadier? BRIGADIER: Well, bless my soul. So you've done it again, Doctor. BRIGADIER: I must apologise for my cavalier behaviour when we met, Doctor. DOCTOR: It's hardly your fault, Brigadier. BRIGADIER: It is good to see you. Yeah, the Doctor and the TARDIS. How could I ever forget? DOCTOR: Exactly. BRIGADIER: What? DOCTOR: The mental block, there must be some reason for it. Some trauma, some shocking experience, maybe some induced effect. BRIGADIER: I don't scare quickly, Doctor. Nor do I succumb easily to brainwashing techniques. DOCTOR: No, no, of course not. So, if there was a way of tracing how far back the inhibition goes, you could perhaps get some treatment. BRIGADIER: Treatment? Treatment? There's nothing wrong with me, Doctor. DOCTOR: Well, no. BRIGADIER: A one, always have been. DOCTOR: Absolutely. BRIGADIER: I suppose you've been talking behind my back with Doctor Runciman. DOCTOR: Brigadier BRIGADIER: Oh, there's loyalty for you. It's no good. I'm not taking my leave at the funny farm. There's nothing wrong with me, I tell you. Fit as a fiddle, always have been. Sorry about that, Doctor. Had a bit of bother a while back. Overwork, you know. Doctor Runciman called it a nervous breakdown. Breakdown. Don't know the meaning of the word. This one goes on till he drops. DOCTOR: When did you leave UNIT, Brigadier? BRIGADIER: Seven years ago. Oh, of course, I could have retired on my army pension, grown vegetable marrows and died of boredom in a twelve-month, then this job turned up. Bit of admin, bit of rugger, CO in the school corps. DOCTOR: And you teach? BRIGADIER: Mathematics. Oh, I know how many beans make five, Doctor, and you don't have to be a Time Lord to cope with A level maths. It may come as a surprise to you, but I also happen to like teaching. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Hey, can anyone tell me where I can find a doctor? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Well, Brigadier, much as I appreciate your company, I've still got to find my TARDIS. BRIGADIER: Your TARDIS. You know, Doctor, I never believed it could do half the things you claimed. DOCTOR: Yes, well, just at the moment I'd settle for half a TARDIS, and I'm very worried about Nyssa and Tegan. BRIGADIER: Tegan. Tegan. DOCTOR: What's the matter? BRIGADIER: I knew a Tegan once. DOCTOR: Oh, Tegan's after your time, Brigadier. She's travelling with me in the TARDIS. BRIGADIER: Attractive girl, spirited, spoke with an Australian accent. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Excuse me. BRIGADIER: Oh, hello there. TEGAN: I'm sorry to disturb you, but I'm looking for a doctor. There's been an accident. Well, sort of an accident. A friend of mine and possibly one of the boys from the school, he may be hurt too. BRIGADIER: I think you'd better come in. [SCENE_BREAK] BRIGADIER: Right, sit yourself down, young lady. TEGAN: My name's Tegan. Tegan Jovanka. BRIGADIER: Tegan? TEGAN: Jovanka. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: It is Tegan. BRIGADIER: That's what I said. DOCTOR: Your Tegan, my Tegan, it's the same person. BRIGADIER: Of course, Doctor. DOCTOR: So, Tegan, Nyssa and the TARDIS, they're all here. BRIGADIER: Are they? DOCTOR: Or rather, they were, if you see what I mean. BRIGADIER: Not a hundred percent, Doctor. DOCTOR: I must have miscalculated the offset. The TARDIS came through in the right place, but the wrong time zone. BRIGADIER: You and that TARDIS. DOCTOR: Now, it's vitally important you remember exactly what happened. BRIGADIER: Oh look, it's all a long time ago, Doctor. I mean, surely what's past is DOCTOR: Very much in the present, Brigadier. You never did understand the interrelation of time. BRIGADIER: Not much call for that in the A level syllabus, Doctor. DOCTOR: You have in your memory the information I need to track down the TARDIS and communicate with Nyssa and Tegan. [SCENE_BREAK] HEADMASTER: There's nothing to be afraid of, Turlough, now that you've explained everything to me. TURLOUGH: Thank you, sir. HEADMASTER: In fact, I'm very heartened that you felt able to confide in me like this. I must say it's a most remarkable story. TURLOUGH: But what am I to do, sir? HEADMASTER: It seems to me you're in something of a moral dilemma. TURLOUGH: Sir? HEADMASTER: You accepted a free passage home to your own people, but to fulfil your part of the bargain you have to kill this Doctor. TURLOUGH: But I don't want to kill the Doctor. HEADMASTER: I can see you're in a most invidious position. TURLOUGH: Haven't I done enough to separate him from his TARDIS? HEADMASTER: I take your point, but in your heart of hearts do you entirely feel you've completed your side of the bargain? TURLOUGH: I suppose not. HEADMASTER: We can't get everything we like in this world. TURLOUGH: Oh, please help me, sir. HEADMASTER: I'm afraid I can only put the problem in perspective for you. The final choice has got to be yours. TURLOUGH: Well, I think I'm pulling out. The Doctor's stranded, but what's been done for me? I've been ignored. I shall try and escape in the transmat capsule. He can sort the Doctor out for himself from now on. HEADMASTER: Is that your final decision? TURLOUGH: Yes, sir. HEADMASTER: Are you absolutely sure? TURLOUGH: Yes. GUARDIAN: Waking or sleeping, you can never escape me, Turlough. TURLOUGH: No, please. GUARDIAN: You see, wretched, duplicitous child, I know your every innermost thought. TURLOUGH: Leave me alone, please! GUARDIAN: I invade every particle of your being. You will never be free of me until our bond is honoured. TURLOUGH: The Doctor isn't as you say. GUARDIAN: I am the Black Guardian! The Doctor's good is my evil. TURLOUGH: No! GUARDIAN: You will absorb my will. You are to be consumed with my purpose. TURLOUGH: No! GUARDIAN: The Doctor shall be utterly destroyed. TURLOUGH: The Doctor shall be utterly destroyed. [SCENE_BREAK] BRIGADIER: Turlough? I don't think we have a Turlough. TEGAN: But you must have. BRIGADIER: Mind you, I'd better check, because I'm a new boy here myself. BRIGADIER: Let's see. S. T. Trevor, Trumper, Turner. Nope. No, definitely no Turlough. TEGAN: They were travelling together when they came down on the hill. BRIGADIER: Came down? What, do you mean a plane crash? TEGAN: Well BRIGADIER: Good heavens, why didn't you say so before? I'll phone the local constable. He can coordinate the rescue services. TEGAN: Look, it's not quite like that. If we could just get some medical help and get back to the TARDIS, it'd all be BRIGADIER: TARDIS? Did you say TARDIS? TEGAN: Yes, but you don't understand. BRIGADIER: I think I do, young lady. Tell me, Miss Jovanka, this friend of yours, is it by any chance the Doctor? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What worries me is the level of coincidence in all this. Almost as if some cosmic influence. Still, that won't get me the TARDIS back. Now, Brigadier, we've got to establish the precise time all this happened. BRIGADIER: Well, that's a pretty tall order, Doctor. DOCTOR: Well, don't worry. Just relax. Think yourself back. [SCENE_BREAK] BRIGADIER: I'll get a message to Doctor Runciman. He'll be up on top field for the bun fight. TEGAN: Bun fight? BRIGADIER: Yes, the celebrations. Ah, Powell. I've got a job for you. TEGAN: What celebrations? BRIGADIER: Well, the Queen's Silver Jubilee, of course. BRIGADIER: Powell, get hold of Doctor Runciman and tell him to bring his gear and meet me by the Obelisk. POWELL: Yes, sir. TEGAN: Silver Jubilee? We're in the wrong time zone! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: June the seventh, 1977. Well done, Brigadier. Come on. BRIGADIER: Lethbridge Stewart. Have you informed the Headmaster? Then do so at once, Matron. Turlough has disappeared. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: He's trying to get away in the transmat capsule. That is, if he can repair the beam transmitter. BRIGADIER: What, Turlough? DOCTOR: It could be done, given time. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Spot on. BRIGADIER: One of the Doctor's gadgets? TEGAN: Don't want to miss the TARDIS, do we? I've just realised. The Doctor is expecting the TARDIS to follow him through to 1983. Don't you see? The wounded thing in the capsule, maybe it isn't the Doctor after all. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Tegan is absolutely right. I am not in the TARDIS. BRIGADIER: Then who is? Or do I mean, who was? DOCTOR: You tell me, Brigadier. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Tegan, come on. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Doctor, you're better. MAWDRYN: Perpetual regeneration. NYSSA: Regeneration? You don't mean it's happening again? MAWDRYN: It is life without end or form. Changing, changing. NYSSA: We've lost the Zero room, Doctor. Is there any way we can reconfigure MAWDRYN: Do not be afraid on my account. I will regain strength soon, but for the moment my mind is clouded. You understand the navigation? NYSSA: Well, a bit. At the moment we're still aligned with the ship. MAWDRYN: Oh, that is well. Prepare to leave at once. NYSSA: We can't leave without Tegan. MAWDRYN: At once! NYSSA: Doctor, you don't know what you're saying. Tegan'll be back soon. MAWDRYN: At once! MAWDRYN: The Time Lords abandoned us. Perpetual torment and despair. But the ending will come soon. I, Mawdryn, shall be a Time Lord. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Quickly! We've got to take off. TEGAN: Nyssa, that man, I don't think he's the Doctor. NYSSA: But he is. The transmat process induced a regeneration. TEGAN: What? BRIGADIER: Don't worry. I know all about regeneration. I've seen it twice before. Come on. NYSSA: So have we, and the Doctor almost died. Who is that person? TEGAN: Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart, of course. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] BRIGADIER: Doctor?

The Doctor is stranded on Earth in 1983 while Tegan and Nyssa are looking for him in 1977. Tegan and Nyssa encounter a injured man they believe to be the doctor. Both the Doctor And Tegan and Nyssa encounter Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart who seems to have no memory of The Doctor.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x24

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x24_0

THE CRUSADE - EPISODE 3 first broadcast - 10th April 1965 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. A NARROW PASSAGEWAY IN LYDDA (Here there are many archways. Barbara runs up a passageway and hides in the shadow of one. Without warning a hand appears from behind her and covers her mouth. She looks round at the man holding her, Haroun, who signals to be quiet. She nods as two warriors walk past. Haroun takes them both out from behind.) HAROUN: Two heads without the brains of one. BARBARA: Thank you for helping me. Who are you? HAROUN: I'm Haroun ed-Din. BARBARA: I'm Barbara. HAROUN: We have a common enemy in El Akir, it makes for uncommon friendship. Come with me. BARBARA: Where? HAROUN: To a place of safety, come. (They walk off down the passageway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INTERIOR OF A ROBING ROOM IN KING RICHARD'S PALACE (The Doctor is trying on some new clothes, supervised by Vicki and Ben Daheer.) VICKI: Oh, you look marvellous. BEN: Hmm, marvellous indeed my lord. The birds will envy you and the multi-coloured fish from the deeps are put to shame! THE DOCTOR: Alright, alright, don't get so carried away my friend. It's a fine cloak, you've done a very good job. BEN: My lord is most gracious. THE DOCTOR: Now the next question is what could you do for my boy, hmm? I want something of finer quality. BEN: Like yours my lord, then I can provide all the quality you need. (He gestures around Vicki.) Jewelled tunics with fur collars, ruby-studded belts, quilted sleeves, laced lather boots... THE DOCTOR: Quite so, quite so, thank you, thank you, now run away and have a good think about it and let me know in the morning what you've decided. BEN: I will, my lord. And when the sun rises I shall be here to transform the boy into a veritable strutting peacock! (He makes as if to leave but turns round at the door.) BEN: And then perhaps my lord will recommend the name of Ben Daheer to the King? (He walks out.) VICKI: Who's your friend? [SCENE_BREAK] 3. OUTSIDE THE ROBING ROOM (On his way out, Ben bows to Joanna who walks in to the robing room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. INTERIOR OF A ROBING ROOM (Joanna appears in the doorway as the Doctor and Vicki are talking.) VICKI: Anyway, why have I got to go on pretending to be a boy? Why can't I be a girl again? (She turns and sees Joanna. The Doctor carries on oblivious.) THE DOCTOR: I'm sorry my dear but you known how we're placed here. It's... it's a... (Vicki taps him on the shoulder.) THE DOCTOR: Hmm? JOANNA: (Coldly.) Why have you deceived us? THE DOCTOR: Oh, forgive me your highness. Ah, this is my young ward. Having found ourselves in a hostile country I decided to use this disguise. JOANNA: But we are not hostile. The open country, yes. Within reach of the merciless Saracen, yes. But here in Jaffa? VICKI: Please, don't be angry with him, he... he only did what he thought was best for me. JOANNA: (Smiling.) A pretty advocate. Well, I won't be a partner to this deception, but while you are here you shall be in my company and be given my protection. THE DOCTOR: We are indeed grateful your highness. JOANNA: I saw the chamberlain in the corridor, bring him to me. (Vicki goes into the corridor. Joanna turns to the Doctor.) JOANNA: You say you are grateful. I cannot command what I ask of you now nor will I, but I am in some quandary. THE DOCTOR: Can I help you, ah, madam? JOANNA: I am my brother's favourite, yet now I find I am excluded from his confidence. I sense he's made a plan of which I am a part. THE DOCTOR: Ah, may I ask, why of all people here, you've come to me, hmm? JOANNA: There's something new in you, yet something older than the sky itself. I sense that I can trust you. THE DOCTOR: Hmm, hmm, hmm. If there is a plan my lady, I will find out what it is and keep close in touch, hmm. JOANNA: Then I am satisfied. (Vicki returns with the chamberlain.) JOANNA: Ah, good chamberlain. CHAMBERLAIN: Your highness. JOANNA: Bid your servant go about the town and find nimble hands who will dress this child. Good weaving, well-spun cloth. The dresses shall be of silks and satins and brocaded stock. CHAMBERLAIN: (Incredulously.) Dresses? Dre.. Ah, silks? Satins? Heh, heh. For the boy? (He bursts into laughter which quickly subsides at the icy glare Joanna gives him.) CHAMBERLAIN: I, I thought there was some amusement your highness? JOANNA: Did you, chamberlain? (She walks out of the room. The Doctor laughs.) CHAMBERLAIN: (To the Doctor.) Ah, I don't understand! VICKI: It's perfectly simple. I'm a girl. CHAMBERLAIN: A girl? Dressed as a boy? Is nothing understandable these days? The dresses, silks, satins -- where's the money to come from? THE DOCTOR: The household purse, hmm? (The chamberlain nods and leaves, embarrassed. The Doctor laughs.) VICKI: Thank goodness for that, I didn't really see myself as a veritable strutting peacock. THE DOCTOR: Well, my dear, in one way I don't think things have turned out to badly after all, hmm. VICKI: (Suspiciously.) How do you mean 'in one way?' THE DOCTOR: You would be much safer under Joanna's wing, hmm. (The Doctor sits down on a bench in the corner of the room.) VICKI: (Anxiously.) I'll still see you won't I? THE DOCTOR: Of course, my child! VICKI: I mean Barbara's gone off, and then Ian. THE DOCTOR: Only temporarily. VICKI: You wouldn't go off and leave me, would you? THE DOCTOR: What a question! VICKI: I mean, your ship's the only home I've got now and I couldn't bear it if... THE DOCTOR: Ah, now, now, now. What is all this, eh, hmm? VICKI: Well when you said a good thing in one way I thought, well I thought you meant that I was some sort of problem or something. THE DOCTOR: Ah, surely you know me better than that, child? No, my reservation was that I might get entangled in court intrigue and that's going to be very, very dangerous, hmm? Very dangerous indeed, hmm? (Vicki smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. HAROUN'S HOUSE AT LYDDA (Haroun and Barbara cautiously enter the house.) HAROUN: Safiya? Safiya? (Safiya, Haroun's daughter comes out through a doorway and hugs Haroun.) SAFIYA: Oh, father! I have been so frightened. HAROUN: (To Barbara.) My poor house is yours Barbara. This is my daughter, Safiya. She tarries you with your closest cousin child. (To Safiya.) Well now see to some food. (Safiya goes off to the kitchen area. Haroun peers through the window.) HAROUN: There are soldiers of El Akir with the searches in the street. You must wait here until a quieter time. BARBARA: I don't want to endanger you. HAROUN: I am in constant danger. I have sworn to kill the Emir. BARBARA: El Akir? HAROUN: Yes. That vile and evil man. (Sadly.) Last year my house was a fine and happy place. A gentle wife, a son who honoured and obeyed me, and two daughters who adorned whatever place they visited. Then El Akir came to Lydda and imposed his will. He desired my eldest daughter, Maimuna, but I refused him. BARBARA: So he took her? HAROUN: Yes. Well, when Safiya and I were away he came and burned my house. My wife and son were put to the sword. BARBARA: Then why do you stay in Lydda? HAROUN: I live for one thing alone, the death of El Akir. Now I will go out and see if the way is clear for your escape. (He heads towards the door but Barbara stops him.) BARBARA: No, please. I just feel that I'm making things worse for you. HAROUN: Rest here, I shall not be long. If danger threatens, Safiya will hide you. But, if the soldiers persist in their search, and you think that they will find you, take this and use it. (He hands her a knife.) BARBARA: (In shock.) Kill her? HAROUN: Yes and afterwards yourself. BARBARA: (Horrified.) No! HAROUN: (Firmly.) You must. BARBARA: No! Life is better than this! HAROUN: You do not know El Akir. BARBARA: I couldn't do it. I... HAROUN: You would not let them take Safiya? BARBARA: No, of course I wouldn't. HAROUN: Then I'll leave the knife. (Haroun goes out to the street. After a while Safiya returns. Barbara hides the knife.) SAFIYA: Where has my father gone? BARBARA: Oh, he... he... he went outside to see if the soldiers had gone. SAFIYA: More likely to ask more questions of our neighbours. BARBARA: Questions? I don't understand. SAFIYA: My mother, my brother and my sister Maimuna disappeared last year. My father searches everywhere for them. We live in hope they will return one day. BARBARA: Then you don't know... (Barbara catches herself.) ... where they are? SAFIYA: No. It is a strange mystery. They've gone away and we must simply wait for their return. It is the will of Allah. You will eat? (spotting the knife.) My father's knife! BARBARA: Oh yes, ah, he... he just left it behind. SAFIYA: How strange. He never goes without it. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. A NARROW PASSAGEWAY IN LYDDA (Haroun cautiously backs down the passageway as the voices become louder.) WARRIOR'S VOICE: ...We should carry on searching, El Akir says we must find the... (A Saracen warrior appears from behind him. They struggle briefly but the warrior is easily able to overcome Haroun. A second warrior approaches.) SECOND WARRIOR: Who've you got there? FIRST WARRIOR: I do not know my lord. He was going to slay me. SECOND WARRIOR: I seem to know that face. FIRST WARRIOR: You cannot my lord. He's a poor man of the town, he lives in the northern quarter. SECOND WARRIOR: Have you searched there? FIRST WARRIOR: A little, my lord. A den of thieves and beggars. Not wise to venture into such a place of squalor. SECOND WARRIOR: The runaway can find a host of allies in the northern quarter, each individual as desperate as herself. Take what men you need and find her! (The first warrior runs off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. INTERIOR OF A CHAMBER IN KING RICHARD'S PALACE (King Richard is seated on the throne at the end of the room. Around him are the Doctor, the Earl of Leicester and various other nobles.) RICHARD: And when Sir Ian is returned we trust that he will bring your lady and Sir William des Preaux in addition to the answers to the several letters we have written. LEICESTER: Tell me your plan sire. A new demand of Saladin? A battle plan? A victory like Arsophe? RICHARD: Not this time, no my lord of Leicester, no we've had another thought. To give our sister's hand in marriage to Saphadin, brother of the Sultan, and so make an end to this war. THE DOCTOR: I am indeed glad sir, to know that you are thinking in terms of peace. LEICESTER: (Outraged.) The princess to marry Saphadin! My lord, I beg you to explain. RICHARD: We do not feel obliged to explain anything to anyone, my lord of Leicester. We think our words were plain enough. THE DOCTOR: It is a good scheme, sire, if the princess agrees. RICHARD: (Quietly.) Joanna knows nothing of this matter. THE DOCTOR: Will she agree? RICHARD: (Firmly.) You should rather ask how can she refuse? To stem the blood, bind up the wounds and give a host of men lives and futures? Oh, now there's a marriage contract to put sacrifice to shame and make a saint of any woman. LEICESTER: Sire, with all the strength at my command I urge you, sire, to abandon this pretence of peace! THE DOCTOR: (Angrily.) Pretence, sir? Here's the opportunity to save the lives of many men and you do nought but turn it down! Without any kind of thought. What do you think you are doing? LEICESTER: I speak as a soldier. Why are we here in this foreign land if not to fight? The Devil's horde, Saracen and Turk, posses Jerusalem and we will not wrest it from them with harried words. THE DOCTOR: With swords, I suppose? LEICESTER: Aye, with swords and lances, or the axe. THE DOCTOR: You stupid butcher! Can you think of nothing else but killing, hmm? LEICESTER: You're a man for talk, I can see that. You like a table and a ring of men. A parley here, arrangements there, but when you men of eloquence have stunned each other with your words, we, we the soldiers have to face it out. On some half-started morning while you speakers lie abed, armies settle everything, giving sweat sinewed bodies ironed life itself. THE DOCTOR: I admire bravery and loyalty, sir. You have both of these. But, unfortunately you haven't any brain at all. I hate fools! LEICESTER: A fool can match a coward any day. (Leicester pulls out his sword and faces the Doctor.) RICHARD: Enough of this! (To Leicester.) You dare to flourish arms before your King? (Leicester reluctantly sheaths his sword.) RICHARD: Know this my lord of Leicester, we will not be advised, we have decided on a pact with Saladin. If that fails, then a trial of arms. But we have set our mind and heart upon this marriage and it shall go forward! [SCENE_BREAK] 8. INTERIOR OF A CHAMBER IN SALADIN'S PALACE AT RAMLAH (Saladin and Saphadin sit at a table facing each other. Saphadin is reading Richard's letter. He looks towards Saladin who is smiling.) SAPHADIN: Why do you smile, brother? Is it a trap? SALADIN: No. The English King writes sincerely. It is so guileless it can only be genuine. SAPHADIN: Think seriously about it. Alliance with Joanna would give me title to much land. Power over far off countries, a glittering empire, brother! SALADIN: I did not know you were so ambitious. (Saphadin rises and walks forward.) SAPHADIN: I... I would be the name, yours would be the voice. SALADIN: Ah. SAPHADIN: Of course! SALADIN: Of course. (On Saphadin's look.) Do not look so troubled. I will humour you and let this proposition go ahead. But listen to me well. Strategy is worth a hundred lances. Think brother, how does this proposed marriage help us to win our future battles? SAPHADIN: (Disappointedly.) You do not mean to think of this alliance seriously. (Saladin moves to join his brother.) SALADIN: If you can marry with this sister of the English King then do so and I will help you to it. Go, write a letter. Say the idea pleases both of us. SAPHADIN: But yet you doubt it! SALADIN: Have England, France and all the rest come here to cheer a man and woman and a love match? No, this is a last appeal for peace from a weary man. So you write your letter and I'll alert the armies. Then on either day, the day of blissful union or the day of awful battle, we will be prepared. SAPHADIN: You are wise. I was wrong to doubt you. SALADIN: Hold one hand out in friendship but keep the other on your sword. SAPHADIN: The knight, Sir Ian of Jaffa, who brought a plea for the release of Sir William... SALADIN: Sir William I cannot return, not yet. But write that he is well cared for. As for the other, Sir Ian, he begged to be allowed to search for the lady Barbara. The brave deserve their favours. Go brother, write your letter. This sincerity deserves our honest dealings. But caution, yes caution, insists that my armies are ready. [SCENE_BREAK] 9. HAROUN'S HOUSE (A woman screams outside.) WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Watch your tongue woman, or we'll... (Barbara peers out of the window. She turns to Safiya.) BARBARA: They're getting nearer. Where's your hiding place? (The harassment of the woman continues outside. Safiya leads Barbara over to a hidden cupboard in the corner of the house. She goes out and retrieves Haroun's knife from the table where Barbara left it.) SAFIYA: In case we have to defend ourselves. (Barbara gulps and nods. The voices out in the street get louder.) WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) I'll get the others. ANOTHER WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Down here! (Shortly, two Saracen warriors enter . The first, the one who encountered Haroun, looks around.) WOMAN: (OOV, in background.) No! Get away! WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) In the name of El Akir, open the door! ANOTHER WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Open up! Open up or we'll burn this place down! WOMAN: (OOV, in background.) Who are you? FIRST WARRIOR: Nothing in here, (Gestures towards the kitchen.) look out there. (The other goes into the kitchen, carelessly knocking some plates over and stuffing his face with some of the food on the table. He returns to the main room.) FIRST WARRIOR: Anything? THIRD WARRIOR: No. (They make to leave when the first warrior notices an empty cup on the table.) FIRST WARRIOR: (Sighs.) Wait! (Picking it up.) Still warm. No other window. Only one door. Look on the rooftop. (The third warrior obeys.) SAFIYA: They'll find us. Poor father! (Barbara stares at the knife. The third warrior returns.) FIRST WARRIOR: Nothing? THIRD WARRIOR: No, nothing. FIRST WARRIOR: (Sighs.) Someone must be here, somewhere. Search every corner. (The third warrior moves off again.) FIRST WARRIOR: No, wait! I've a better plan. Bring a torch. We'll smoke the secret out, or watch a burning funeral! (In the cupboard...) BARBARA: Here, cover yourself with this blanket and stay huddled in the corner. SAFIYA: Why? BARBARA: Never mind, just do as you're told. Take this. (Barbara hands Safiya the knife and slips out into the open. The third warrior has gone and the first is looking in the other direction. In the background and out of view, a woman screams and a warrior laughs.) WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Try down here. WOMAN: (OOV, in background.) Let me go, you dogs! You pig! (Silently Barbara makes for the door while trying to stay out of view of the warriors.) WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Come on, let's try over in that house. ANOTHER WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Down here. WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Get the others. WOMAN: (OOV, in background.) Get away! WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) In the name of El Akir, open the door! ANOTHER WARRIOR (OOV, in background.) ... down here. [SCENE_BREAK] (A warrior begins to turn, forcing Barbara back towards the kitchen. Suddenly the third warrior emerges from the doorway holding a torch.) THIRD WARRIOR: Aha! (The two warriors hold Barbara.) FIRST WARRIOR: Now, where did you come from? BARBARA: I... I was hiding in the shadows. FIRST WARRIOR: Who hid you in this place? BARBARA: No one. (Angrily.) Oh, what does it matter, you've found me. That's what you wanted, wasn't it? FIRST WARRIOR: When you're on your knees before my master, your defiance will change to screams for pity! (They pull her out onto the street, watched by a terrified Safiya.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. DESERT (Ian is sleeping peacefully in the desert. Suddenly a Turkish bandit appears by his side. The bandit slowly reaches across and removes Ian's sword. More confident, he reaches out for Ian's money pouch. Ian sees him and grabs his wrist forcing him onto his back. The bandit tries to reach Ian's face with the sword but Ian appears to be gaining the upper hand. However, somebody creeps up behind Ian and hits him on the head with a club. The bandit relaxes.) BANDIT: Thank you, my brother. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INTERIOR OF A CHAMBER IN KING RICHARD'S PALACE (The Doctor escorts Vicki, in her new clothes, to Joanna and the Earl of Leicester. Joanna smiles.) JOANNA: Sweet child. You look so innocent I have nothing but love for you. VICKI: You've been very kind to me. THE DOCTOR: We are both very grateful to you, your highness. JOANNA: You shall stay by my side and be my close companion. Your name is not Victor now? VICKI: No, it's Vicki really. JOANNA: Oh, I do not know it. Is it a Venetian name? Well, it doesn't matter. The eye should have contentment where it rests. Do you not agree my lord of Leicester? Is she not beautiful? LEICESTER: (Dryly.) Indeed madam. A fair rose of England in this foreign land. (Joanna leads the Doctor and Vicki aside. Leicester looks at them with undisguised interest.) JOANNA: Do you have news for me? THE DOCTOR: I am afraid not, your highness. JOANNA: But you were with my brother. Did he tell you nothing of his plans? THE DOCTOR: He said he wished to speak to you himself. JOANNA: (Coldly.) I thought I had your friendship. THE DOCTOR: You have, your highness, but the King spoke to me in confidence. I must not steal his thunder, hmm? (Joanna turns to Leicester and they begin talking.) THE DOCTOR: (To Vicki.) I thought something like this would happen, child. VICKI: Can't you tell her? THE DOCTOR: That she's going to get married? Of course not! VICKI: But, can't you drop her a hint or something? She's furious! We can't afford to make an enemy of her. THE DOCTOR: I have no desire to upset the King. (Flustered.) Dear, dear, dear, all this intrigue. I knew it! All this trouble! (Whispers.) Here comes the King. (King Richard walks into the room. Joanna faces him.) JOANNA: I will speak with my brother! RICHARD: Oh? JOANNA: (Angrily.) What's this I hear? I can't believe it's true. Marriage to that heathenish man, that infidel? RICHARD: (Sighs.) We will give you reasons for it. JOANNA: This unconsulted partner has no wish to marry! I am no sack of flour to be given in exchange! RICHARD: It is expedient, the decision has been made. JOANNA: Not by me and never would be! RICHARD: Joanna, please consider. This war is full of weary, wounded men. This marriage wants a little thought by you, then you'll see the right of it. JOANNA: And how would you have me go to Saphadin? Bathed in oriental perfume, I suppose? Supient, tender and affectionate, soft-eyed and trembling, eager with a thousand words of compliment and love? Well I like a different way to meet the man I am to wed! RICHARD: Well if it's a meeting you want... JOANNA: I do not want! I will not have it! (She turns and storms out of the chamber.) RICHARD: Joanna! [SCENE_BREAK] 12. OUTSIDE THE CHAMBER RICHARD: Joanna! (He pursues her with the chamberlain and several other people nervously following him. He turns to them.) RICHARD: And get out. Get out! (They leave.) RICHARD: (To Joanna.) Joanna, I beg you to accept. JOANNA: No! RICHARD: I entreat you, Joanna! JOANNA: No! RICHARD: Very well. I am the King. We command you! JOANNA: You cannot command this of me. RICHARD: (Incredulously.) Cannot? JOANNA: No. There is a higher authority than yours to which I answer. RICHARD: I am the King. Where is there any man who has greater power over his subjects? JOANNA: In Rome. His holiness, the Pope will not allow this marriage of mine to that infidel! (She turns and heads back into the chamber.) RICHARD: (Taken aback.) But... Joanna! (He follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. INTERIOR OF A CHAMBER RICHARD: You defy me with the Pope! JOANNA: No, you defy the world with your politics! The reason you and all your armies are here is the reason on my side. You are here to fight these dogs, defeat them. Marry me to them and you make a pact with the Devil. Force me to it and I'll turn the world we know into your enemy! (Richard raises his arm to strike Joanna but stops himself just in time. Joanna walks calmly away. Richard looks around and turns to the Doctor and Vicki.) RICHARD: (Quietly.) Who gave away my plan? THE DOCTOR: Your majesty, if you believe that I... RICHARD: (Coldly.) You are not welcome in our sight. [SCENE_BREAK] 14. INTERIOR OF A CORRIDOR IN EL AKIR'S PALACE (El Akir sits as his two guards bring in Barbara, and his eyes light up upon seeing her.) BARBARA: Let go of me! (She kneels on the floor half defiant, half afraid.) EL AKIR: (With an evil smile.) The only pleasure left for you is death. And death is very far away.

The TARDIS arrives in 12th century Palestine where a holy war is in progress between the forces of King Richard the Lionheart and the Saracenruler Saladin. Barbara is abducted in a Saracen ambush and the Doctor, Ianand Vicki make their way to King Richard's palace in the city of Jaffa.

fd_Alias_02x21

fd_Alias_02x21_0

(Vaughn falls back, sitting on the sofa at Sydney's. She's on top of him. They kiss as she works his suit jacket off of him.) VAUGHN: I couldn't take it. SYDNEY: Me either. VAUGHN: Seriously. I thought I was losing my mind. SYDNEY: Me too. (She loosens his tie.) SYDNEY: That was the longest debrief of all time. VAUGHN: I was staring at you the whole time. Did you notice? SYDNEY: Yeah. (She takes off her jacket in between kissing him.) SYDNEY: I think my dad noticed, too. VAUGHN: No, he didn't notice. SYDNEY: Why do you think he assigned you the investigation? (She leans back and pulls her shirt off and over her head. Holding his loosened tie that dangles on either side of his neck, she pulls him to his feet. They kiss.) VAUGHN: 'Cause it's a big job. It's a big deal. SYDNEY: (smiling) Really? VAUGHN: Mm-hmm. Someone unauthorized accessed our computer systems. We're gonna find them. (He unzips her pants in the back.) VAUGHN: (smiling) I'm the point guy. (Sydney flops down on the sofa and looks up at him, smiling.) SYDNEY: You're the point guy? VAUGHN: I'm the point guy. (He takes off his shirt and tie and climbs on top of her. They kiss.) VAUGHN: Where are Will and Francie? SYDNEY: They're out. They won't be back for hours. (Meanwhile, Francie sits in a room somewhere with her laptop. She's listening in on Sydney and Vaughn and speaking on her cell.) VAUGHN: (off camera, recording) You're so beautiful... FRANCIE: Will Tippin may be compromised. (Sark is in a warehouse.) SARK: Our superiors deal in absolutes. Either he is or he's not. FRANCIE: The CIA is on a mole hunt to find out who accessed the defense satellite communications system. It's only a matter of time before they trace it back to Tippin, and then to me. (Sark stands in front of Irina's desk in her office.) SARK: I assume Sloane will want Tippin killed before the CIA interrogates him. IRINA: Sloane's gone. Perhaps for good. We can't wait for his return. SARK: If the CIA uses regression therapy to find out who he's been leaking information to, our Los Angeles asset will be compromised. IRINA: I don't want Tippin killed. I've set up a meeting with someone who can help us re-acquire the Di Regno heart. He'll get us the plans to the NSA facility where they keep the Rambaldi artifacts. In the meantime tell our asset Tippin's frame needs to be convincing. (Francie and Will's bedroom, middle of the night. Will is in bed, under the covers, flat on his back with two separators holding his two eyes wide open. Francie sits at the side of the bed, getting her equipment ready.) FRANCIE: Starting tomorrow, you'll be asked questions that only Will Tippin can answer -- places you've been, things you've said and done. You'll remember some things and forget others. The more personal the question, the less you will recall. (She puts some drops in his eyes.) FRANCIE: In fact, the more you try to recall the details, the more elusive they'll become. Do you understand? WILL: Yes... FRANCIE: Now, listen carefully. Do not move. (She charges a laser and points it straight into his eye. The red laser crackles into his retina.) (The next morning, Sydney and Will are jogging along a road together.) SYDNEY: I'm not supposed to tell you this. WILL: What? SYDNEY: It's supposed to go through channels. WILL: What? Oh, it's bad, isn't it? An operation based on my analysis went historically wrong. SYDNEY: You passed the upper-level analyst test you took last week. WILL: I did?! SYDNEY: With one of the highest marks. Congratulations! WILL: Whoa. You know what this means? I mean, not that it means anything for sure, but I heard that guy Roberts is retiring. SYDNEY: I know. WILL: Which means there's a senior spot for an analyst. SYDNEY: Which you're now qualified to apply for. (A black SUV drives up and squeals to a stop. Various agents climb out with guns pointed at Sydney and Will.) AGENT: Hands up! Hands in the air! AGENT MCCAIN: Hands up! WILL: Whoa, whoa! (Will and Sydney put their hands up.) SYDNEY: What's going on? Who are you? MCCAIN: Special Agent McCain, FBI. Mr. Tippin, you are under arrest. WILL: Arrest? Arrest for what?! SYDNEY: Who approved this? MCCAIN: Agent Bristow, do not interfere with this. (Will is handcuffed.) MCCAIN: Tippin's being detained under the patriot act on suspicion of espionage. (Will is being led into the SUV.) WILL: Espionage? SYDNEY: Don't say anything until you hear from me! Who ordered this? MCCAIN: Your father. (The SUV drives away, leaving Sydney alone in the road.) (Debriefing with Sydney, Vaughn, Jack, Marshall and Kendall.) SYDNEY: This is insane. Will is not a traitor. JACK: Over the last month we've had two breaches of our defense satellite communication systems. The first disabled our coverage over Panama allowing Derevko to escape. The second was a download of our imaging archives specifically the raid on Sloane's villa in Tuscany. SYDNEY: There's no way Will's working for Sloane. MARSHALL: Um, Syd, excuse me, sorry. Um, when I ran a diagnostic on the network I found that Will's user account was active in two places simultaneously. A glitch which has since been corrected. However the satellite footage was accessed from one of those accounts. SYDNEY: Anyone could have logged on with his user ID. KENDALL: Or he did it himself. SYDNEY: I have known Will for years. Trust me on this. JACK: There's another possibility... that the man we have in custody is not Will Tippin. Project Helix. The doubling prototype that you destroyed in Poland was designed to reshape a person's physical attributes to identically resemble someone else. The prototype's database revealed two scheduled recipients of the procedure: Dr. Markovic who was killed, and a second unknown individual. SYDNEY: You think Will is the double. KENDALL: We found Provacillian in Will's car. It's a medication usually taken by gene therapy patients to keep the body from rejecting the DNA mutations. VAUGHN: What about giving him an ocular scan? MARSHALL: Actually, that's a really good point, Mr. Vaughn--Michael. Um, I probably shouldn't call you Michael. Mr. Vaughn. Uh, an ocular scan is often used-- JACK: Tippin's being transferred to medical services as we speak. They'll scan him and have the results shortly. But there's something else. A digital recording was found among Tippin's things. It was taken by the surveillance equipment you found in your apartment several months ago. (Jack gives Sydney the remote control. Kendall leaves. Jack follows. Marshall just sits there, oblivious, and then realizes. He leaves Vaughn and Sydney alone. He sits forward and Sydney stands up. She hits play. On the screen plays the footage from "Double Agent" when Sydney and Vaughn had s*x while Francie watched nearby with the help of the camera in the TV.) (Medical services. Will is in front of a large machine which takes the ocular scan of his eye.) (Irina's old cell. Will is inside, Sydney once again on the other side of the glass.) WILL: They think I'm not me? SYDNEY: They don't know what to think. Someone breached the system and they're freaking out. They disabled all WI-FI access points and reset all user accounts and passwords. It's a witch hunt. WILL: What was that eye scan? SYDNEY: It's a test. It analyzes your retina. Someone who's been doubled develops proteins. They're like markers. They found proteins. (Will, shocked, steps away from the glass. Upstairs, watching the video surveillance, is Dixon and Vaughn.) WILL: Syd, that's impossible. It doesn't make any sense. Wait a second. I was assigned to do research on Markovic. This must be a set-up. Go to my office, everything I've been working on is there. I'm innocent... you know that, right? SYDNEY: Do you remember that time when we had too much to drink, the night we kissed? WILL: It was amazing. Of course I remember that night, in your apartment. SYDNEY: Do you remember where it was in my apartment, what room? (Sydney has tears in her eyes as Will struggles to remember.) SYDNEY: It's a small apartment. WILL: No, I know, of course, it was um... SYDNEY: We were--we were eating. WILL: It was in the kitchen. (Upstairs, Vaughn still watches. Dixon walks away.) WILL: Syd... SYDNEY: I spilled something on your sweater. Do you remember what that was? WILL: Syd... I swear it's me. (Dixon, Jack, Vaughn and Sydney upstairs in the ops center.) JACK: Pull Tippin's phone records, read his e-mails, get his financials. If he's the double, going over the records could lead us to his handler. SYDNEY: Or exonerate him. DIXON: Sydney, he couldn't answer your questions. Look at the evidence. SYDNEY: I have reasonable doubt. DIXON: The information Tippin fed Sloane led directly to Diane's death! Excuse me. (He leaves.) SYDNEY: If someone wanted to set Will up, his is exactly what they would do -- plant these clues, condition him. I'd like permission to assign Francie protective detail. If Sloane is targeting my friends, she could be next. JACK: Done. SYDNEY: I'd also like to speak to her about Will. She might have information that could help. JACK: Tell her what you think is necessary, but only what's necessary. (Francie and Sydney's place.) SYDNEY: I need to know if he's been acting strangely. FRANCIE: What's wrong? SYDNEY: Forgetting things or saying things Will wouldn't normally say. FRANCIE: Sydney, what are you talking about? Where is he? Is he okay? SYDNEY: Just think about it. FRANCIE: (sighs) He has been distant lately. SYDNEY: For how long? FRANCIE: I guess since the two weeks he spent in Chicago with his family. Sydney, what's going on? SYDNEY: There are going to be some men outside in a van. They're security. They're going to be watching the apartment, watching you, protecting you. FRANCIE: Why? Syd, you're creeping me out. SYDNEY: I don't work for a bank. (Briefing room.) JACK: We downloaded valuable intel from Tippin's computer on the work he was doing to locate the second double. He managed to identify the man who invented the computer imaging equipment used by Dr. Markovic. KENDALL: This is Dr. Hans Jurgens. He's a chief scientist at Miracorps, the largest hospital supply company in the European union. His equipment was used to monitor the patients during the gene therapy that was required to complete the doubling process. JACK: A controlling assumption is that he was personally involved in the process. SYDNEY: So we think he knows the identity of the second double. KENDALL: If the guy we've got isn't Tippin then we can't trust his intel. At best, it's a dead end. At worst, it's a trap. SYDNEY: I think it's him. KENDALL: I'm getting bored with your hunches. (to Jack) Pardon me. I say we move the prisoner to Camp Harris for unrestricted interrogation. SYDNEY: I'm not letting my friend be taken to a place like that. KENDALL: We can't keep letting your daughter's personal relationships take precedence over everything else in this office! SYDNEY: Think! If Will's innocent he's not trained to handle torture. He'll say anything you want him to say. KENDALL: If he's not innocent then he may know where your FRIEND is! JACK: FOR NOW, TIPPIN STAYS HERE! Five hours ago we acquired surveillance of Jurgens in Berlin. Contact in country. We'll meet you at Bendix office building downtown then brief you on the operation. Your plane leaves in a half an hour. (Will sits in his cell and hears the doors buzz open. He looks over and sees Dixon with a guard. Dixon hands over his gun to the guard and looks at Will. He enters the cell. Will stands up.) WILL: Man, I'm so glad-- DIXON: Stop. (He calmly gives Will a file. Will opens it to see a picture.) DIXON: That's what they recovered from my wife's car after the bomb went off. (Will steps back, horrified, and sits down.) DIXON: That's why we couldn't have an open-casket funeral for her. Turn the page. WILL: Ugh... (He does so. There are two fingerprints.) DIXON: First fingerprint is your right index finger. The second is the partial they lifted from the remote detonator we found among your things. The prints are a match. You have Sydney fooled but I'm not gonna play games with you. You are not Will Tippin. WILL: Oh, you can't, Dixon. You can't think that I-- DIXON: Help me find Arvin Sloane and I will do what I can to help you avoid the death penalty. (Will stands.) WILL: Dixon, please! DIXON: If you refuse to cooperate-- WILL: You have to believe me! DIXON: --then I assure you, you will suffer. WILL: I swear to God! DIXON: Now, when you're done with this act-- WILL: This-this is not an act! DIXON: --you will tell me... WILL: Dixon! Dixon! DIXON: --what I want to know. WILL: I'll prove it to you! DIXON: How did we meet? WILL: Sydney introduced us. DIXON: Where? WILL: It was um... she had a party and there was a bunch of us together and... and, uh, I remember what we were talking about and uh... Dixon, somebody did this to me. I can't-I can't remember. DIXON: Mm-hmm. (Dixon grabs Will by the throat and begins to choke him. Will gasps and his hands go out to hold on to something. He ends up grabbing Dixon's coat by the shoulder and struggles for air. Dixon calmly looks at him with his hand around his throat.) WILL: Argh! DIXON: You murdered my wife. (Will falls to his knees, choking.) DIXON: You murdered my wife. (Veins are popping out of Will's forehead, his face is blood red. He struggles.) DIXON: You murdered... (He suddenly lets go of Will, who falls on the floor, gasping and coughing.) WILL: Oh! Oh God... oh God... oh... (He coughs and gasps for breath. Dixon walks out of the cell like nothing happened. Will sits up and rubs at his throat, still coughing.) (Dixon walks upstairs.) KENDALL: Dixon. Tippin's being tranferred to Camp Harris. I want you to supervise. DIXON: It's my understanding Director Bristow decided he's not to be moved. KENDALL: He's been overruled by the DOJ. Convoy leaves in ten minutes. (Sark is on his cell with Francie.) SARK: She what? FRANCIE: Bristow broke her cover with me. She told me she's CIA. SARK: Did she give you an explanation? FRANCIE: Given what's happening with Tippin, she was concerned with my safety, of all things. SARK: Bristow's willingness to confide in you is an advantageous development that will be lost if Tippin gives you up. FRANCIE: I intercepted a DOJ transmission. They're moving Tippin to a more secure location. Once he's there he will be unreachable. SARK: Organize a team to intercept the transport and extract him. To the CIA, this will confirm his value to us. FRANCIE: And once we have him? SARK: Kill him. (In Berlin, Sydney and Vaughn enter an elevator. A man stands inside.) CONTACT: Have you tried the restaurant upstairs? SYDNEY: Yes, the bratwurst is excellent. CONTACT: Hello, my friends. We've tracked Jurgens to a local s*x club he frequents. Leather, whips, latex, chains. All the good stuff. VAUGHN: How long's he gonna be there? CONTACT: Could be a couple of hours. SYDNEY: I say we move in now. (Vaughn looks at her and slowly smiles.) SYDNEY: What? VAUGHN: Nothing. (Techno music plays in the s*x club where women and men are wearing latex and dog collars. And, for a few people, leashes. Jurgens is there. Vaughn sits at the bar, not in costume, thank goodness, and sips a drink. Sydney walks in wearing red leather and a black wig. He watches her as she enters and she sits next to him at the bar.) VAUGHN: I'm glad I'm not the one in leather. SYDNEY: You'd look cute in a teddy. VAUGHN: Jurgens is with the security team against the wall. (Sydney looks over at him, takes a drink from Vaughn's glass and chews the ice cubes. She walks over, her whip in hand.) SYDNEY: (German) Which one of you boys has been the most naughty? (She whips Jurgens.) SYDNEY: (German) You? JURGENS: (German) Perhaps... SYDNEY: (German) Yes, I think you have. JURGENS: (German) Must I be punished? SYDNEY: (German) I think so. (whips him) Come with me. (She takes him by the tie and leads him out. In a room somewhere, Jurgens is clad only in his underwear. He is standing with his ankles cuffed to the wall and his arms above his head, cuffed.) JURGENS: (German) I like to sing when I'm being punished. Is that okay? SYDNEY: Nein! (She whips him on the butt.) JURGENS: (German) Okay... SYDNEY: (German) Now, Dr. Jurgens, I have a few questions to ask you. JURGENS: (German) You'll have to whip it out of me. (pause) How do you know my name? (Vaughn enters with a briefcase.) SYDNEY: Hello, honey. VAUGHN: Hello, dear. JURGENS: Who is he? SYDNEY: Your wife's name is Alba, right? JURGENS: How do you know my wife? (Vaughn takes out a laptop and digital camera from the briefcase and takes pictures of Sydney draped around Jurgens.) JURGENS: Oh no! (Click. Another pose.) SYDNEY: Hi Alba. (Click. Another pose.) JURGENS: Oh, please... (When several pictures are taken and Jurgens has whimpered enough, Sydney stands before him.) SYDNEY: We know about Project Helix, that you built it for Markovic. JURGENS: You do? SYDNEY: We also know that he used it to double himself and one other person. With Markovic dead, you're the only one who knows the identity of the second agent. JURGENS: I do not know! VAUGHN: I assume your wife's e-mail address is still the same? JURGENS: What? (Vaughn tilts the laptop so Jurgens can see the monitor. He has the pictures from the digital camera up on the screen.) VAUGHN: She's going to love these pictures. JURGENS: No, no, no, no, wait! I just built it for Markovic, I was not there for the procedure! SYDNEY: Your wife is going to love having these new pictures to add to your scrapbook. JURGENS: I do not konw the name but there is a way you can find it. The computing power required to model a person's entire genome is tremendous so during the doubling process Markovic had to reconnect it to an off-siste computer facility, a server farm. SYDNEY: Which server farm did he use? JURGENS: I do not know! I swear to God! Please do not send those pictures! Please let me go! Please! Let me go! (sobs) (Vaughn and Sydney prepare to leave. Vaughn slaps down the memory card from the camera onto the table.) VAUGHN: Here's your pictures. (They leave.) JURGENS: Please give me back my pants! [SCENE_BREAK] (Kendall, in the ops center, types at a computer. Jack walks up to him.) JACK: Please explain this transfer order. KENDALL: Tippin is stonewalling. We need to break him before his handler realizes he's been compromised. JACK: Unrestricted interrogation is premature. KENDALL: Justice Department didn't agree. Tippin is a credible threat to national security which means from now on they want to be consulted on every decision of this investigation. What did you think, Jack? That I just forged a transfer order on CIA letterhead? JACK: You went behind my back. KENDALL: That's hardly unheard of in this office. JACK: So what is this retribution for me taking your parking space? KENDALL: No, I did what my job compels me to do. Nothing more, nothing less. And if you can't see that I'm trying to protect the lives of everyone in this operations center then I overestimated your intelligence. (In a prison bus, Will is handcuffed and sits beside a guard who holds a gun. There's an SUV ahead and one behind them. In the SUV behind them is Dixon and the driver.) DIXON: (radio) That was Roosevelt Road. ETA twenty minutes. (In the SUV ahead of the bus...) MAN: (radio) Copy that. (Will sits in the bus, looking out the window, when suddenly one of the tires of the bus is shot out.) DIXON: Shots fired! (The bus careens down the road, crossing over to the other side of the road and then coming back, skidding along the pave. It topples over on its side. Inside the bus, Will bangs his head.) WILL: Ugh! DIXON: We've got a sniper! (The driver in the SUV is shot by the sniper in the hills next to the road. A black van pulls up and various men in fatigues climb out. Dixon shoots one of them.) FATIGUE MAN: Move out, move out! (Fatigue Man climbs on top of the toppled bus.) FATIGUE MAN: GO! (Other men get out and shoot at the CIA guards. Dixon shoots one of the fatigued men and looks for the sniper. Inside the prison bus, the guard with the gun comes to just to see Fatigue Man shoot him from above. Will comes to. Above, Fatigue Man shoots the bus's side and stomps on it, letting him drop down into the bus. Dixon shoots at the sniper. Fatigue Man climbs in the bus and gets the keys from the dead driver. He goes to Will.) WILL: Wait a second, no! (He unlocks the handcuffs and grabs Will.) FATIGUE MAN: Come on! MOVE IT! (He starts leading Will out the back. A CIA man sneaks in and shoots Fatigue Man who was right in front of Will. Will stares in shock. Two fatigued men stand behind the CIA man and shoot him. Will gets the gun from the dead Fatigue Man and jumps out the back of the bus. Dixon is shooting outside and sees Will aim the gun inside the bus. Will shoots the two fatigued men and runs outside near the bus.) DIXON: Tippin! (Will runs across the road and slides down the embankment, not stopping. Dixon finally gets the sniper in the hills, who rolls down the slope. Will runs away. Dixon looks for him, but he's gone.) (Sydney marches into the ops center.) SYDNEY: You son of a bitch! You transferred Will to Camp Harris after we agreed to keep him here! JACK: Sydney... KENDALL: Hey, for the time being your father may be my superior but I am yours. Who the hell do you think you are to talk to me like that? SYDNEY: My friend may be dead! KENDALL: Your friend arranged for an armed assault team to facilitate his escape! SYDNEY: How exactly did he do that from a holding cell? He didn't even get a phone call! DIXON: Syd, I was there. I saw him with the gun. He fired into the transport. SYDNEY: Are you sure it wasn't self-defense? JACK: Would you excuse us please? (Dixon and Kendall leave.) SYDNEY: I know it's not smart to lose my cool with Kendall. JACK: Sydney, you have to accept the possibility that the man we have in custody is not your friend. SYDNEY: Dad, I don't believe it. JACK: I understand. SYDNEY: 'Cause if it wasn't Will then Will is most likely dead and I can't handle that. JACK: We received your intel from Berlin, we're analyzing the list of server farms now. As soon as we have a lead on a facility, you'll know. Go home, get some rest. (Irina meets with a contact. He opens a briefcase full of money.) MAN: I have to admit, I was surprised when I was contacted. IRINA: The plans, please. MAN: What surprised me is you want blueprints to a government storage facility, rumor being that you're working with CIA now. (He hands them over.) MAN: Do me a favor. Let me know how you plan on doing it. IRINA: Doing what? MAN: Getting past the new access control system. Because unless you know how to crack it, these blueprints won't do you any good. (Sydney and Francie's. Francie is crying.) FRANCIE: Oh, I just can't believe it. It seems so insane. SYDNEY: I know. FRANCIE: I mean, how is it even possible that someone could look like Will and sound like him? I mean, it's just so ridiculous. Does the CIA have any idea where Will might be? I mean, the real Will? SYDNEY: I'm sorry but I'm not authorized to give you any details. FRANCIE: Syd, don't do this to me. SYDNEY: Francie... FRANCIE: Sydney, you're my best friend. You just told me that you're a spy and that my boyfriend's a double and now you're telling me you're not authorized? SYDNEY: The answer is we don't know. (Her cell rings.) SYDNEY: Hello? (At a public phone booth somewhere, Will is sunburned and dirty and scraped.) WILL: Syd, it's me. SYDNEY: Will, where are you? (Francie perks up at that.) WILL: I didn't escape! An assault team hit the bus, they tried to take me hostage or kill me, I don't know! But someone's framing me! SYDNEY: The FBI and CIA both have you on a shoot-to-kill watch list. You have to tell me where you are. WILL: Oh, so Kendall can take me to Camp Harris, treat me like a terrorist? Not a chance. SYDNEY: I won't let that happen. If you are Will, you know I will do whatever it takes to make sure that nothing happens to you. Please let me bring you in. (Pause. Will considers his options and rests his head against the phone booth.) WILL: Syd, I love you. I can't-I can't trust you. Not anymore. Meeting you-meeting you destroyed my life. You want to help me? Prove I'm innocent. SYDNEY: There may be a DNA record of the surgical procedure. It could clear you. It's-it's on a server farm somewhere in Europe. (Francie once again perks up.) SYDNEY: I'm gonna find it, I promise. WILL: Okay, okay, this may be nothing but Markovic laundered money through real estate. He had a farm in Marseilles. Maybe it's not a cow/pig farm, maybe it's a server farm. SYDNEY: Marseilles. Do you remember where? WILL: No, no. I got to go. I got to go. (He hangs up. Sydney turns to Francie.) FRANCIE: Syd, where is he? Is he okay? SYDNEY: I have to go. FRANCIE: No, talk to me. Tell me what's happening. SYDNEY: I can't. I'm sorry. (She hugs her.) SYDNEY: Please try to understand. (Sark and Francie chat on cell phones as he sits down waiting for Irina.) SARK: Sydney Bristow's headed to Marseilles? FRANCIE: Should I follow her? SARK: Stay there. Finding Tippin is your priority. (He hangs up when Irina walks in.) SARK: How did it go? IRINA: The NSA facility uses state-of-the-art locking mechanisms. SARK: We've bypassed systems like that before. IRINA: The access codes I downloaded from the CIA Echelon system won't work anymore. The NSA uses a time-synchronized key card. (Sark stands up.) SARK: Presumably a CIA agent, under the proper duress, could obtain such a key card. I'm about to confess something that will either delight you -- which I hope is the case, that would be nice -- or it will make you furious. While you were away Will Tippin was ordered to Camp Harris for unrestricted interrogation. They would have found out about our asset. IRINA: What did you do? SARK: I instructed that he be extracted and killed. IRINA: I told you I didn't want him killed. Your asset could have been pulled from the field. SARK: Yes, I know, but the situation had changed. Sydney, out of fear for Francie's life, told her she was going to Marseilles to recover evidence that would clear Tippin. IRINA: Is he dead? SARK: No, he's at large and believed to have escaped which should provide us the leverage we need to get into the NSA. If we recover the evidence in Marseilles before Sydney we can foirce her hand. Proof of Will's innocence in exchange for her aid in securing a key card. (Outside, night. Jack and Sydney meet at what looks like an observatory.) JACK: We just got the forensics report back on the detonator we found among Tippin's things. Will's fingerprint was placed on the trigger after it was wiped down. SYDNEY: This is great, now we have evidence that confirms he was being framed. JACK: Yes, still it will take hours for Justice approval to infiltrate the server farm. Take Vaughn with you. The two of you will go in tactically. I'll have Marshall prepare your op-tech. SYDNEY: Kendall's going to report you. JACK: I'm aware of the consequences. SYDNEY: When the DOJ hears, you initiated an op without their approval-- JACK: Sydney, I've been doing this longer than you have. I'm not cut out for management anyway. (She smiles and kisses Jack on the cheek. He watches her leave.) (Ops center. Kendall walks over to Jack.) KENDALL: We need to talk. JACK: Yes, I know. I've been sanctioned by the DOJ. I'm no longer in charge of this operations center. That honor goes to you. KENDALL: Maybe I'm a slow learner, Jack, because I don't understand you. A month ago you maneuver me out of my job and now here you are, handing it back. JACK: I belong in the field. KENDALL: You know, we can help each other. We don't have to be adversaries. JACK: I appreciate your magnaminity. KENDALL: (smirks) Now you're just mocking me. JACK: Yes. KENDALL: You know, part of the reason I sent Tippin to Camp Harris was to protect Sydney. JACK: Why do you think you have your job back? (Restaurant, at a table outside. Jack sits, alone, with a drink. A waitress comes over.) SARAH: Thanks, Mr. Bristow. JACK: Thanks, Sarah. Keep the change. (She leaves. He takes another drink. Behind him, someone walks over to his table and takes the seat across from him. He's shocked, holding his drink midway to his mouth. It's Sloane, who takes off his sunglasses and smiles.) SLOANE: It's good to see you, Jack. JACK: I assume that since you're sitting across from me with so little regard for your life I'm in the cross hairs of a sniper rifle. SLOANE: Two of them. JACK: Of course. SLOANE: I've missed your poker face. (Jack just stares at him, same expression as always.) SLOANE: (nods) So... there's something I want you to know. I forgive you. JACK: Excuse me? SLOANE: Your betrayal of SD-6. I'm curious, Jack. When did our friendship end? JACK: The moment you recruited Sydney over my objections. SLOANE: Ahh. I thought so. If I had known that decision would cost me our friendship and my relationship with Sydney, I would have done things differently. JACK: Self-pity doesn't become you. SLOANE: Oh, Jack, on the contrary. I'm here to make you an offer. I don't expect an answer now. JACK: What would that be? SLOANE: Come back to our partnership, Jack. I will tell you everything I've learned about Rambaldi. JACK: An obsession I've never shared. SLOANE: Well, now's the time to sign up. For years I collected his artifacts, as if that was the point. I thought Rambaldi's work was that window to the past. Today... I am one move away from proving to you that it is so much more than that. And this time Sydney won't be a pawn in our venture. Jack, sit here for a while, think about it. JACK: We will never work together again. SLOANE: The thing of it is, you are going to work with me -- sooner than you think. The men who have you in their sights have been instructed to put a bullet in your brain if you dial your cell or leave this table within thirty minutes. (He gets up and puts his glasses on again.) SLOANE: We'll see each other again, Jack. Trust me on that. (He walks away. Jack looks over his shoulder.) (Marseilles. Night. Outside the building, Sydney talks to a few of the agents who all wear black except for Vaughn who sits on the hood of a car, dressed in casual street clothes.) SYDNEY: The chief of security holds a killswitch that enables him to wipe clean all of their data storage at any sign of attack. To prevent the destruction of the information we need, I will proceed to the security room and secure the killswitch. VAUGHN: After confirmation from Agent Bristow you'll expedite through a facility where you'll consider everyone you encounter as hostile. We'll upload the file on the second double to a CIA server. Any questions? (No one responds.) VAUGHN: Agent Bristow...? (She takes a bottle of champage and shakes it. She pops the cork and sprays it all over Vaughn. She smiles. He licks at the droplets that run down and off his nose.) (Cut to the streets of Marseilles in front of the building. Hip hop music plays from Vaughn's car stereo as he swerves down the street and comes to a stop before the guards. He climbs out of the car with a bottle in his hand.) VAUGHN: (playing drunk) H-hey! What is this, a private club? (giggles) GUARD: Un American? VAUGHN: Is this Paris? Where is--? Come on, can I... GUARD: Hey, hey, monsieur... VAUGHN: (stumbles) Whoa, whoa, whoa... Look, I had a little too much to drink. It's no big deal. (Sydney sneaks up to the fence and cuts part of it out.) VAUGHN: Is this the fancy club or is... GUARD: Non, non, monsieur. VAUGHN: Oh, I love you, man. I love you. Can I come in? I just want to... GUARD: Non, non, non. VAUGHN: Look, look, I know I've had a little too much to drink but I really just want to come in for a little bit. I hear--it's my friend. He told me, told me to come here. No, come on. I love you, man! (Vaughn tries to hug the guard as Sydney sneaks in successfully.) VAUGHN: Oh come on, let me just... I just want to go inside the club! (Sydney waits for a guard to walk by on the roof and then sneaks by.) VAUGHN: Listen, I love you, man! I do! I just, please, I love you, man. (The guard pushes him away and tells him to get into his vehicle.) VAUGHN: Hey, okay, okay,! All right. You're so grumpy, man. (He gets in the car. Sydney runs to the side of the building and fires her cord up to the top. It tightens at the ledge. She hooks it onto her belt and starts climbing the wall. Vaughn drives around to the side and gets out, taking off his outer shirt and getting his gear. Sydney, at the top, shoots the guard in the neck with a tranq. He goes down. She climbs over the ledge.) VAUGHN: What's your status, Mountaineer? SYDNEY: I'm going in. VAUGHN: Copy. We'll move in. (Guards walk by inside. The security guard with the killswitch looks at the monitors. He turns around to see someone. Sydney, meanwhile, slides down a pole and inside. She looks at a security camera up high on the wall and runs by. She runs in the main room, entering the security wing, and sees the back of the killswitch guard. He's not moving. She turns him around and sees that his throat has been cut. She steps back.) IRINA: Hello, Sydney. (She jabs at Sydney, shocking her. It crackles. Sydney falls to the ground.) SYDNEY: Ahhh! VAUGHN: Sydney! (She's shocked again.) SYDNEY: Ahhh! IRINA: I know what you're after. Your friend's suspected of being a double. You believe the information on this server could clear him. (She holds the killswitch in her hand and is about to hit the button.) SYDNEY: No, don't--! (She does. The power goes off and on.) VAUGHN: Go, go, go! (The agents drive up and shoot the guards. They enter. Alarm wailing. Sydney is gasping on the floor.) SYDNEY: You erased it... IRINA: I transferred a copy to a secure location. I'll give it to you. In exchange, I want you to do something. SYDNEY: Go to hell! IRINA: If you don't, you'll never clear Will's name. He'll be tried as a traitor and executed. I'll be calling on you soon, Sydney. (She runs out.) (Will hides behind a pillar in the middle of nowhere. A car drives by and he ducks. Then, a horn honks twice and he sneaks a peek at a blue Ford Focus that has arrived. He runs over and climbs in.) WILL: Thanks for coming. FRANCIE: You okay? WILL: Yeah. Yeah, I am now. (They drive off together.)

Sydney begins to question Will's identity when he's arrested for espionage, under suspicion of being a double. Meanwhile Sark and Irina plot to recover the Di Regno heart, and Sloane makes Jack a business proposal.

fd_FRIENDS_08x16

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Lisa Kudrow: (voiceover) Previously on Friends [Scene: Central Perk, Joey is talking to Ross] Joey: There's this woman, that I like. A lot. Well, it's complicated. She's with this other guy. For a long time. And I could never do that to the guy, y'know? 'Ccause we're really good friends. Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh... is he a good guy? Joey: Yeah, he's the best. Ross: Then talk to him! He might be fine with it. Joey: Oh, I don't know. Ross: Joey, it's worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her. Joey: I do! So much! I can't stop thinking about her! I can't sleep, I- Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself. (Walks towards the door until...) Joey: It's Rachel. [Fade to Black, then fade in again with Ross stopped at the doorway.] Ross: (closes the door) Did you um-I'm sorry, did you just say it's Rachel? Joey: Yes. Ross: Um, you...you like Rachel? Joey: Yes. I like Rachel. Ross: Rachel?! Joey: (startled) Yeah, okay but look, buy uh-Hey-hey, y'know, y'know who else I like? You! And it-it doesn't get said enough. I like you Ross. Ross: But R-R-Rachel-Rachel?! Joey: Yeah, but it's not a big deal. Ross: It's not a big deal? Oh, I'm sorry I just...um, I...what about all the stuff you-you just said? I mean how about, I like-you-you can't stop thinking about her. Like how you can't sleep? Joey: I'm an actor, y'know? As-as a group, we tend to be over dramatic. Ross: Rachel who's carrying my baby? Rachel? Joey: Look no, I-I know it's bad, and I know it's wrong. Okay? But-but it's not like anything's ever gonna happen. Y'know? These-these are just feelings, they're gonna go away. Ross: Y'know what? I-I gotta go. (Starts to leave.) Joey: Oh come on Ross! Hey Ross-Ross don't... Ross: (stops) I just-y'know-I-I just have one-Rachel?! (He exits and starts to walk away, passes a window, stops, and says "Rachel?!" again. Joey sighs and turns around to face Gunther.) Gunther: Rachel?!! Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Chandler are on the couch.] Rachel: Oh-oh! Okay, she's kicking! Chandler: Oh! (Puts his hand on her belly.) She's growing inside you. Rachel: Whoa!! Chandler: Oh! (Pulls his hand away.) Rachel: Wow that was a big one. Chandler: I think that's the youngest girl ever to reject me. Phoebe: (entering) Oh hey you guys! Chandler: Oh hey! Rachel: Hi! Phoebe: Hey listen let me ask you, do you believe in soul mates? Rachel: Oh yes I do. I do. I believe that there is one perfect person out there for everyone. And do you know how you find him? You stop looking for him. That's why I stopped looking for Russell Crowe. He'll find me. Phoebe: Uh-huh, (To Chandler) and you? Chandler: No. I mean I believe that uh, certain people are more suited for each other and I believe in falling in love, but soul mates, I don't think they exist. Phoebe: Okay, good. Chandler: Why? Phoebe: Well last night, I met Monica's. Chandler: What? Phoebe: Yeah, I had a date with this guy, and I swear to God, he is her other half. Chandler: Come on, don't be crazy. (To Rachel) You don't think there's someone out there better suited for Monica than me, do ya? (Rachel looks at him.) Rachel: (To Phoebe) Well, what's he like?! Phoebe: Well he's tall. Rachel: Uh-huh. Phoebe: He has brown hair. Rachel: Of course, of course. Chandler: A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe! Phoebe: He works with food! Rachel: Oh sure. Older? Phoebe: Obviously, and he's British. Rachel: Oh, I was just gonna ask! Phoebe: Yeah? And, he's-he's so centered and mature and confident. Rachel: Oh, it's so sad they never had a chance to meet. Chandler: Luckily, the guy she settled for can't hear what you're talking about. Phoebe: Oh, I'm so sorry. Um, and maybe I'm wrong! I but-y'know I'm gonna go out with him again, I'll find out more. Chandler: You believe that this guy is destined for someone else and you're still gonna date him? Phoebe: Well, he may not be my soul mate, but a girl's gotta eat. [Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is opening the door to Monica.] Monica: Hey. Ross: Hey. Monica: I just talked to Joey, I just-I want to see how you were. Ross: Oh y'know, I still-I can't believe it. Joey and Rachel I mean it's... It's like you and me going out, only weirder! Monica: All right, I know you're hurting, and-and I want to be supportive, but don't say that again. Ross: Oh my God! What if, what if they get married? Then he'd be the stepfather of my child. Monica: Honey, I don't think that's something we need to worry about! First of all he's-he's never gonna tell her how he feels about her. And even if he did you have no idea how she'd react. Ross: Sure, because women never like Joey. Y'know, I think he's a virgin. Monica: Joey...he's not even thinking about going after Rachel! Ross: He's not? Monica: No! All he's thinking about is how you're taking this! I mean, listen it's totally freaking him out. He's talking about moving to Vermont. Ross: Why? Monica: He says he wants to leave the country. (Pause) He thinks you hate him. Ross: Hate him? I... No, I don't hate him. (Pause) It's just it's Rachel, y'know? Monica: Honey I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. But, I don't want you to lose Joey over it. And right now he just needs to know that you're still his friend. Ross: Okay. Okay, I'll talk to him. Monica: All right. Now do it soon, he just asked me how to convert his dollars into Vermont money. [Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch as Phoebe enters with Monica's soul mate.] Phoebe: Oh! Hi! Monica: Hi! Phoebe: Umm, Chandler, Monica, this is Don. Don: Oh, hello. (Shakes Chandler's hand.) Hello. (Shakes Monica's hand.) Phoebe: (mouths to Chandler) Soul mate. Chandler: (mouths to Phoebe) What? Phoebe: (cough talks) Soul mate. Monica: So, what have you guys been doing? Don: Well, we just had a terrible lunch today at Reattica. What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place? Monica: I know! What is this, 1985?! Don: That's exactly what I said. Phoebe, isn't that strange. Monica: Not really. Chandler: What's wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? (Everyone stares at him.) On a barbecue chicken pizza? (Still there's staring.) No? Monica: So Don, what-what other restaurants do you like? Don: Well, Octavio, 27&7-Oh! And there's this great little place, Alessandro's. Monica: Oh my God! That's my restaurant, I'm the chef there. Don: You're kidding me! Monica: No! Don: Your food is fantastic! Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu, once I get some coffees first. Um, anyone want any? Monica: Oh, I'd like a latte. Oh y'know what? If you're gonna talk about me, I'm gonna go with you. (They go over to the counter and Chandler moves closer to Phoebe.) Chandler: What are you doing?! Phoebe: Nothing! I swear to God I didn't know you guys would be here! And the good news is you didn't believe in soul mates. So... Chandler: I believe in tall, handsome strangers who hit on my wife! Phoebe: They're just talking, and y'know what? Just because I think they're soul mates doesn't mean anything's gonna happen. Monica: (returning) Phoebe, good work. Phoebe: Yeah? Monica: Yeah! Oh he's great, I love him. (Walks away and Chandler glares at Phoebe.) Phoebe: Don't worry, we'll find you someone else. [Scene: Joey's Apartment, there's a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Ross.] Joey: Hey. Ross: Hey. Joey: Look, I understand if you came by to hit me, I deserve it. Ross: No, I don't want to hit you. Joey: Oh what then? Kick me? Ross: No. Joey: (getting worried) Bite me? Ross: No, no I don't want to do anything to you. All right? I just want to tell you that I'm not mad at you and...and that I certainly do not hate you. I just, I just came here to say that. (Starts to leave.) Joey: Oh now-Hey Ross-Ross! Do you wanna-wanna come in for a beer or something? Ross: Uh...yeah sure. (Enters.) Joey: Do uh, do you got any beer? All-all I got is this melon stuff that Rachel left. I don't... Ross: Okay. Joey: (pouring two glasses) Hey look Ross, you need to understand something okay? I uh...I am never gonna act on this Rachel thing, okay? I-I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with you. (He hands Ross a glass.) Ross: Thank you. (They clink glasses and take a drink. Ross likes it, Joey hates it. Then Ross sees Joey hating it, mimics he hates it as well.) Joey: Anyway, it uh...look it'll just...take me a while to get over her, that's all. I'm not even sure how to do that, I mean I've never been in love before so... Ross: What?! You're in love with her. Joey: Yeah, I thought you knew that. Ross: Umm, no. Joey: Wow. Hey look, if it helps, I don't want to feel this way. Honest. I just keep thinking, "Ah, I'll get over this." Y'know? I just-It just keeps gettin' harder. I don't, I don't know what to do. Y'know? What do I do? (Pause) Ross: I think you need to tell her how you feel. Joey: Okay that's the green stuff talkin'. Ross: No, I'm serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if she's not where you are, then you can start to move past this. Joey: But what if uh-and I'm not saying she will be-But... Ross: If she is where you are then uh...then my feeling weird about it shouldn't stand in the way. Joey: Are you sure? Ross: Yeah. Look if-if she's gonna end up with somebody else, the truth is she couldn't find a better guy. So... Joey: Hey thanks. Ross: So when do you think you're gonna talk to her? Joey: Oh my God I have to tell her! I haven't even thought about what I will say. What should I say? Ross: I'm understanding, but let's not get carried away. Joey: I'm sorry, you're right. What am I gonna say? (He takes another sip of the green stuff and recoils at the taste.) Oh! Ross: Yeah, tell me about it. (He stands up, turns his back to Joey, and enjoys another sip.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Chandler are watching Monica and Don talk.] Don: ...so I've been slowly phasing out the wine importing and focusing more on the cheese side of things. Chandler: Cheese you say? That's some pretty smelly work, huh Don? Don: Excuse me? Chandler: Cheese, it's smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too. Don: Uh, not really. But when it comes to cheese, I'm one of the people who thinks the smellier the better. Monica: Me too! Yeah, Chandler can't stand it. He won't even allow me to have blue cheese in the house. Don: And you're still married to him? (They both laugh, and Chandler tries to but fails.) Monica: You know what I'd love to do? I would like to go to France and eat nothing but bread and cheese-Not even bread, just cheese. No, I want the bread. Yeah. Ah, and pastries... (Breathlessly) And pate. Oh, I'm really not high, it's just I used to be fat. Don: Well if you where ever enter the Loire valley let me know, I've got a great little villa you can stay at. Chandler: Is it made of cheese? Don: No. But God, a house made of cheese, wouldn't that be incredible?! Monica: I'd move in tomorrow! Chandler: (disgusted) Oh come on! (To Phoebe) Are you listening to this? Phoebe: I'm so sorry. Chandler: What do we do? Phoebe: I don't know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I don't know how you fight that. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside Ross and Rachel's, Joey walks up to knock on the door, but stops.] Joey: Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can tell her how I feel. Just uh, just stand up straight. (Does so.) Take a couple deep breaths. (Does so.) Look confident. (Does so as Rachel opens the door and startles him.) Rachel: Joey? What's up? Joey: I uh, I just came by because I-I want to talk to you about something. Rachel: Okay what's up? Joey: Here? In the hall? What are we animals? Rachel: Well honey, I'm late for a meeting. So can you just make it quick? Joey: Okay umm, I just came by to tell you that I...want to have dinner with you tonight. That's all. Rachel: Sure! That sounds great! Just leave me a message and tell me where to meet you. Okay? (Walks away.) Joey: Okay. That's good. Okay, that give you a couple hours to prepare what you're gonna say. Good. Yeah. (Someone comes out of his apartment and it startles Joey again.) Don't you people ever knock?! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are entering.] Monica: I'd like to have Don and Phoebe over. Wouldn't that be nice? Chandler: Sure, why don't you set it up. I'll just be over here, browsing through the personals. Monica: Are you okay? You've been acting weird all afternoon. Chandler: Yeah, fine. Fine. Not perfect!! But good enough. Monica: Jeez! What is with you? Chandler: I'm sorry, did you say cheese? Monica: All right, what's going on? Chandler: Phoebe thinks you and Don are soul mates, and I don't believe in that kind of stuff. But then you two totally get along. So look, I won't stand in your way if you want to run off with Don and live in a house of cheese. Monica: Chandler, you don't believe in soul mates? Chandler: No. But I'm sure (mimics Don) 'tomatoes' does. Monica: I don't believe in soul mates either. Chandler: You don't? Monica: No. I don't think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think that we fell in love and work hard at our relationship. Some days we work really hard. Chandler: So you...you don't want to live with Don in a cheese house? Monica: No, I've had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean? Chandler: I love you. Monica: I know. Chandler: Y'know what? I am going to take you out to dinner tonight. I found this place that makes the greatest mozzarella sticks and jalepino poppers . (Monica doesn't look impressed.) No? Really? They taste so good. [Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are having dinner.] Rachel: ...and I know Chandler is kidding but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean I'm really worried the baby's not going to like him. (Joey is staring at the table.) Are you okay? Joey: What? Yeah! Sure! Uh, look at the uh, the reason...(Exhales slowly)-Is it hot in here? Rachel: No. Not-not for me, but why don't you take off your sweater? Joey: I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbs. Rachel: Oh my God! Really?! Can I see it? Joey: Yeah. Sure. (They both half stand up, Joey pulls the neck of his sweater out, and Rachel looks down it to see his T-shirt.) Rachel: Huh. Wow, I wouldn't think Hobbs would like that so much. Joey: Uh... How long have we known each other? Rachel: Um, seven...e-e-eight, eight years. Wow. Joey: Uh-huh, long time. Rachel: Yeah. Joey: But over the past few weeks... (A waiter runs over interrupting Joey.) Waiter: Hah, sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here! We have a couple specials tonight... Joey: Actually uh, could you give us a second? Waiter: Sure. Sure. (Turns away, then turns back) Second's up! (Joey glares at him.) Not...that kind of table. (He walks away.) Rachel: So you were saying? Joey: I'm not quite sure. Rachel: Okay, well you had asked me how long we had known each other, and I said, "Eight years." And the um, waiter came over and cut his tip in half, and umm...now here we are. Joey: Yeah, here we are. Uhh... I... I think I'm...falling in love with you. Rachel: (stunned) What? Joey: I'm falling in love with you. Rachel: (looking around) Who are you talking too? Oh, you're kidding! Oh, it's a joke! (Laughs.) It's funny. It's funny. I don't get it. (Joey doesn't say any thing and Rachel realizes it's not a joke.) Oh. (Pause) Okay. Umm... I-I...uh, wow. Are you uh... How did umm... When? Joey: Does it really matter? Rachel: Wow! Wow. Wow. Wow, it is hot in here. Joey: Okay look Rach, I know this is a lot. You don't have to say anything. You-you uh, you take as much time as you need. (Long pause as Rachel says nothing.) Okay, you gotta say something! Rachel: Joey, Joey I love you so much, but I... Joey: But. (Hangs his head down.) Rachel: Joey. Joey: Yeah-yeah right. That's okay. That's fine. That's uh, pretty much what I was expecting. So uh, it's no big deal. All right? I think I'm gonna go. (Stands up.) Rachel: No! Joey please! Please don't! Please don't leave like this! Now come on, you cannot do this to a pregnant woman! (Starts to cry.) Joey: Don't start doing that. You can't do that Rach, 'cause then you're gonna make me do that. (Starts to cry.) Oh, here we go! (Sits down next to her.) Rachel: Can I? (Hug him.) Joey: Sure! (They hug.) Rachel: Oh Joey honey I don't...I don't want to lose... Joey: Hey-hey-hey, hey! You can't. Okay? Ever! Rachel: I'm so sorry. Joey: Oh no-no Rach, please, don't be sorry. Okay? Don't be sorry. (They hug again.) Y'know I was only kidding you. Rachel: Yeah, that was a real good one. Closing Credits [Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.] Waiter No. 2: Is this your table? Waiter: Yeah. Waiter No. 2: God, you're gonna be here all night! Waiter: I know! I haven't even read them the specials yet! Waiter No. 2: What's the matter with them? Waiter: I don't know. I think maybe one of them is dying. (Pause) I kinda hope it's the girl. (The other waiter is shocked.) The guy is really cute!

Ross, shocked at Joey's declaration, avoids him, but eventually convinces him to tell Rachel. Joey confesses his love for Rachel, but Rachel politely and lovingly turns him down. Phoebe is convinced that a British man called Don is Monica's soulmate.

fd_Charmed_08x06

fd_Charmed_08x06_0

[TRIQUETRA] ROSE MCGOWAN (NARRATOR): (v.o.) Previously on "Charmed" ... FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X05: Rewitched] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- NIGHT] (Billie finds a spell in the Book of Shadows.) BILLIE JENKINS: (reading) "To Make a Lover's Dream Come True" ... maybe at least this one will help Phoebe out. [EXT. MANOR - FRONT PORCH - DAY] (Phoebe and Dex are holding each other on the front porch. Phoebe is in a white wedding gown while Dex is wearing a tux.) DEX LAWSON: I love you, Mrs. Lawson. (She kisses him.) [INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY -- DAY] (Dex and Phoebe talk.) DEX LAWSON: If you wanna go down to city hall and get this fixed -- PHOEBE: To get it annulled? DEX LAWSON: Well, yeah. FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT] (Phoebe talks with Paige.) PHOEBE: Maybe we made a mistake faking our own death. [INT. DEX LAWSON'S LOFT - DAY] (Orb lights swirl around her and she changes into Julie Bennet. Dex is speechless and surprised. He falls to the floor with at thud.) TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM/ FOYER -- NIGHT] (Agent Murphy shows Billie his ID.) AGENT MURPHY: Agent Murphy, Homeland Security. [INT. HOMELAND SECURITY - MURPHY'S OFFICE - DAY] (Piper, Phoebe and Paige are back in their own identities and talk with Agent Murphy.) PIPER: You wanna know more about who we are and what we do, we'll tell you. PHOEBE: And help you out with a few cases along the way. If you help us. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOMELAND SECURITY - LOBBY -- DAY] (Agent Murphy is talking to a group from the media.) AGENT MURPHY: I can't talk about the specifics of the case the sisters are involved in, okay? [EXT. P-3 - FRONT - NIGHT] (The door opens. Paige and Piper step out into the club.) AGENT MURPHY: (v.o.) All I can say is it involved a threat to national security, that our agency got involved to protect them. (Paige and Piper nervously face the crowds.) PAIGE: Welcome back. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF PREVIOUSLY ON [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN -- DAY] (Piper is working at the kitchen table, carving a large pumpin. Lined over the table is the issue of THE BAY MIRROR with the headline, "What's The Big Secret?. A photo of the sisters grace the front page.) (On the newspaper is the guts of the pumpkin. Piper has an hand-held electric knife and is using it to carve the pumpkin. Paige walks in.) PAIGE: Dang. What'd that pumpkin ever do to you? PIPER: Nothing. I'm venting. (The phone rings. Paige automatically heads over to the phone to answer it, but Piper stops her.) PIPER: No. Don't get that. It could be Oprah's people again. They want to do a special on lady spies. PAIGE: Lady spies? (The phone continues to ring.) PIPER: You heard me, and some producer's been calling for the movie rights to our cover story. PAIGE: I guess it's better than TV, right? PIPER: Trust me. We won't be doing TV either. PAIGE: Well, it's, uh -- it's a little late for that, actually. (Billie walks in.) BILLIE JENKINS: Little late for what? PAIGE: What are you doing here? BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, it's funny you should ask. Actually, I - PIPER: (interrupts) Ya know, we really need to do something about this. It's not good. PAIGE: It's gonna blow over. PIPER: Really? Does this look like it's blowing over? (Piper reaches over and points to THE BAY MIRROR newspaper front page story on them. Paige walks over to the table and sits down.) PAIGE: Eww. BILLIE JENKINS: It's a good picture. (Piper glares at her.) BILLIE JENKINS: Well, it is. PAIGE: Okay. This isn't about the witch secret. They're just trying to figure out what we're doing with homeland security, and you know what? They're not going to find out anything. PIPER: Well, they're going to keep looking until they find something, and that something could easily turn into a witch hunt. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, speaking of hunting -- PAIGE: Nothing is going to happen. (Billie turns and heads for the cupboard and the sink to get herself a drink of water.) PIPER: Really? 'Cause something happened to Prue. We die to have normal lives. We come back from the dead to get our old lives back, and, somehow, we end up living in a fishbowl. (Piper points the knife at Paige.) You know, Agent Murphy was supposed to protect us from this. (Paige reaches over and removes the knife out of Piper's grip.) PAIGE: Okay. Uhh. I'm going to disarm you now. It's all gonna be ok. I promise. PIPER: How can you promise that? PAIGE: Well, I'm not entirely sure, but--but I promise that it's gonna be, because you know what? You're just gonna take care of Halloween, and I am gonna deal with getting the press off of our backs. BILLIE JENKINS: (interrupts) And I will focus on my demon. PIPER: What demon? BILLIE JENKINS: Just the one I've been tracking. No big deal. I can take him. PAIGE: Oh, no. Actually, you're not taking anybody. BILLIE JENKINS: No, somebody's gotta take him down. He's--he's killing other demons and gaining power by the day. PIPER: Great. Witch vanquishes demon. Film at 11. BILLIE JENKINS: No. The press doesn't even know who I am, that's why I'm the perfect girl for the job. Plus, I wanna do it. PAIGE: Why do you want to do it? BILLIE JENKINS: So I can show you guys that I can. Come on. Please. I know I can do this. PIPER: Fine, but if you get caught on tape, I will vanquish you. (Thinking she's joking, Billie laughs. Piper returns to her pumpkin.) BILLIE JENKINS: (to Paige) She's serious? PAIGE: (shrugs) Eh. Just don't get caught. (The doorbell rings.) PAIGE: Trick-or-treaters? PIPER: A day early? (Paige stands up to check.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - FOYER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Piper approaches the front door. Through the stained glass, we see shadows of people standing on the porch. Piper reaches out and opens the door. Cameras flash in her eyes as reporters clamor to ask their questions.) (Standing in front of the pack is Seth Parra, tape recorder in hand.) SETH PARRA: Seth Parra, Bay Mirror. So, what's the big secret? (Piper laughs weakly as she shuts the front door.) PIPER: We're screwed. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL / DINING ROOM -- DAY] (Piper sits at the dining room table separating the Halloween candy into various piles. Paige bounds down the stairs and stops when she sees her.) PAIGE: Hey. I think I figured out how to, uh -- what are you doing? PIPER: I'm organizing the candy for tomorrow. I have chocolate, sugar free, and chocolate with nuts. PAIGE: Well, isn't part of the fun of Halloween the whole mixed bowl thing? PIPER: No. I don't want any allergic reactions or angry parents. We've got enough problems as it is. PAIGE: Speaking of those problems, I think I have figured out how to get the press off of our broomsticks. (She gasps when she sees three rats scampering along the wall.) PAIGE: Holy -- we have rats. (Piper doesn't react.) PIPER: Yeah, they're everywhere. Get used to 'em. So what's this big solution? PAIGE: (suspiciously) Where did they come from? PIPER: The San Francisco Chronicle, uh, The Daily News, and The Enquirer. I found them nosing around the garbage. PAIGE: So you turned them into rodents? PIPER: Well, I could've blown them up. PAIGE: Uh, here's the thing. If we get Phoebe to talk to this reporter who's leading the charge -- luckily he works at her paper--we can -- PIPER: How's that gonna help? (Paige sits down.) PAIGE: Because ... if she can convince him that we are completely uninteresting, then hopefully he'll just go away and take all the lemming reporters with him. PIPER: They're more like rats. PAIGE: And I will be the pied piper of Prescott Street, leading them away from the manor. Sadly, Piper, you have to turn them back. PIPER: (groans) No! PAIGE: Piper. (Paige stands up and leaves.) PIPER: You're no fun. (Piper gets up and follows the rats into the conservatory. The rats are headed out the door. She throws the potions bottle at them. It explodes, sending a cloud of white smoke everywhere. Three reporters are standing outside the door looking very confused.) PIPER: What are y'all waiting for? You're trespassing. This is private property. What are you, crazy? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - FOYER - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The front door opens and Leo squeezes into the house past the group of reporters standing on the porch. He sees Paige.) LEO: Where did they come from? PAIGE: Pest problem. I'll take care of it. (Piper steps in from the conservatory.) PIPER: If you don't, I will. PAIGE: Piper, you cannot blow up the entire media. Wish me luck. (Paige opens the door and heads out into the group of reporters, the door closing behind her.) (Leo carries the package into the dining room and puts it on the table with the other piles of candy.) LEO: Well, it's getting worse. Now the women at the preschool think I'm some kind of freaking leper. PIPER: Why? LEO: Because they think I'm married to a spy. That's why. PIPER: (chuckles) Well, better that than to a witch. (Piper reaches for the package and checks the candy inside.) PIPER: Why'd you get candy corn? Nobody likes candy corn. LEO: They were out of everything else. PIPER: Well, you gotta go somewhere else and get more. LEO: More? We have twelve bags. That's more than we gave out all last year. PIPER: Yeah, well, you know what, last year we weren't famous, okay? I don't want to have to turn off the lights and pretend like we're not home. I want the boys to have a nice Halloween if its the last thing we do. LEO: But the boys aren't even three. They're not gonna remember. PIPER: You know what? I will. Come on. Don't argue with me. Can't you just go get the candy? Is that really such a big deal? Is that a problem? LEO: Okay. (Leo swallows any reply and turns to head back out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - PHOEBE'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Distracted, Phoebe stares out the window as Paige vents.) PAIGE: Piper is freaking out. PHOEBE: Yeah. PAIGE: Yeah. The press is rummaging through the trash. The phone is ringing off the hook. She's worried about exposure, and, frankly, so am I. PHOEBE: Hey, do you know if Dex called? PAIGE: Dex? Are you listening to me? PHOEBE: Yes. I am listening to you. I'm sorry. It's just we haven't really talked since I told him I was a witch. PAIGE: Right. Which brings us back to exposure, okay? And that brings us back to -- PHOEBE: I don't even know if he wants to see me again. I mean, I wouldn't blame him if he didn't. PAIGE: Ok. Yeah. You're right. Love sucks. How 'bout bringing the focus just back around a little bit? PHOEBE: Yes. Yes. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. PAIGE: Ok. So what we need to do is try to get Seth Parra off of our backs. PHOEBE: Uh, that's not gonna happen. PAIGE: Why? PHOEBE: Because he is a hardcore journalist, and he's determined to do anything to get back in the big leagues. PAIGE: What's his deal? PHOEBE: Uh, he used to be at The Times, and he did this big mafia expose and exposed his source in the process. PAIGE: All right. Wasn't that, like, a call girl? A Carol - Carol -- PHOEBE: Yeah. Flowers. PAIGE: Yeah. PHOEBE: She got killed because of it, and her death has haunted him ever since. PAIGE: That's horrible, but the haunting could be good for us. PHOEBE: Look, no us, okay, Paige? I just -- I can't right now. PAIGE: Okay, Phoebe, this affects all of us. What exactly is more important than keeping our secret right now? PHOEBE: Uh ... (Phoebe sits down and takes a breath.) I'm pregnant. (Paige stops and sinks down onto the couch.) PAIGE: Dex? PHOEBE: No. Actually, some guy that I met at the gas station. Yes. Of course Dex. PAIGE: Well, are you sure? PHOEBE: Yeah. I took the test this morning. PAIGE: What are you gonna do? PHOEBE: I don't know. I mean, I guess I'm gonna have to talk to him, but ... I don't even know if he'll talk to me. PAIGE: Well, the hits just keep on coming. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY] (The Dogon talks with a group of demons.) DOGON: And so do demons, but instead of fighting them, I plan on leading them. TOMAR: How do you expect to lead demons when you keep killing them to steal their powers? DOGON: You respect power, don't you? TOMAR: Of course. But that's not -- DOGON: Then that's your answer. It's kill or be killed in the underworld. You know that. But with the return of The Charmed Ones, one must rise again to lead. TOMAR: You? DOGON: Careful, Tomar, or I'll steal your power next. (Tomar looks away.) DOGON: Now, who's next on the list? (The voices fade into the background.) TOMAR: A shapeshifter -- Abet. He operates ... [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (In the hallway Billie is dressed in black and spiked heels. She makes her way to the main hall. Her boot creaks and she stops. The guard standing at the doorway hears and looks at her.) GUARD: Who are you? (She walks up to him and motions for him to be quiet.) BILLIE JENKINS: Shh. I don't want them to hear. GUARD: Hear what? BILLIE JENKINS: This. (She steps forward, covers his mouth as she stabs him with her athame.) GUARD: Uhh! (He explodes and she burns her fingers.) BILLIE JENKINS: Oww! Uhh! (The conversation coming from the Great Hall continues.) DOGON: Does he have any offensive powers? TOMAR: None you have to worry about, as long as you get him before he changes shapes. (Her hands full of potions bottles, Billie makes her way to the Great Hall. She peers in through the open door and sees The Dogon and Tomar.) DOGON: Do you know where to find him? TOMAR: His territory's east market. He preys in alleys. DOGON: Don't they all? (The Dogon flicks his black cape. This triggers a repressed memory in Billie and she gasps.) [INT. BILLIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK] (The shadow of a cloaked figure rises against the walls. Lightning flashes. The girls' bedroom double doors to the balcony open wide.) (Five year-old Billie Jenkins gasps as she wakes up and gets out of bed.) (The lit Jack o-lantern sits on the counter. A child screams.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Surprised, Billie gasps. She drops the potions bottles and they clank to the floor.) TOMAR: I think we should start over by -- DOGON: What was that? (Billie turns and leaves.) (The Dogon heads to the door and hears footsteps running down the hallway. He opens the door and sees no one there.) (He looks down and sees the potions bottles. He holds out his hand and the bottles fly off the floor and to him. He looks at the bottles grimly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DEX'S LOFT/GALLERY -- DAY] (Dex opens the door and finds Phoebe there. He doesn't appear too thrilled to see her.) DEX LAWSON: Hi. PHOEBE: Hi. Can I come in? DEX LAWSON: Okay. (She steps inside. He closes the door behind her.) DEX LAWSON: So how you been? (He walks across to the other side of the room.) PHOEBE: Wondering how you've been. That good, huh? DEX LAWSON: What do you want me to say, Phoebe? I mean, give me a break. It's not every day you find out you're married to a witch. PHOEBE: At least we got it annulled. DEX LAWSON: That's not the point. PHOEBE: Yeah, I know. (sighs) How can I help you with this? DEX LAWSON: I don't know. I wish I did. It's just a lot, you know? I didn't even know witches existed before. You can turn into other people, you can see the future, you can win the lottery whenever you want. PHOEBE: Actually, we can't do that. We're not allowed. DEX LAWSON: There are rules? PHOEBE: Well, yeah. DEX LAWSON: I don't know how to process this. PHOEBE: I know. DEX LAWSON: Look, you wanted to tell me something? PHOEBE: Can we go for a walk, get some fresh air, please? [INT. DEX'S LOFT/GALLERY -- DAY] (The door opens. Seth Parra and his camera man are there, snapping photos, asking questions.) SETH PARRA: So what's the deal, Phoebe? Is he part of this, too? Does he know what's going on? PHOEBE: Are you following me? SETH PARRA: Damn right I am. So tell me, were you two sleeping together before this witness protection thing or is this a new relationship? (Dex closes the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN -- DAY] (A large cloud of white smoke rises from the boiling pot on the stove in front of Piper. Phoebe sits across the table from her.) PHOEBE: "I like you, Phoebe, a lot, but you're a witch, so bye-bye," you know? And that's just a little bit of my bigger problem. (Piper fills potions vials with the liquid from the pot.) PIPER: What did you tell Paige? She's got some hair-brained scheme up her sleeve. PHOEBE: You know what? I am a wreck. My boobs feel enormous, and all I want to do is eat all of this candy. PIPER: Have a candy corn. We got plenty. PHOEBE: Why does everything have to be so difficult? I mean, why can't it just be easy? And I'm sorry, but what am I supposed to tell Dex? "Hey, I know you don't want to be with me 'cause I'm a witch, but you know what? I'm pregnant, so tough." PIPER: (shocked) What? (A camera flashes through the window. Piper walks over to the window and readjusts the curtains.) PIPER: Vermin! Ohh! Uh, uh ... could you repeat that? PHOEBE: Wait, I told you, didn't I? PIPER: No, you didn't tell me. I think I would remember the small embryo part! PHOEBE: Oh, you know what, I might have told Paige. PIPER: You told Paige and you didn't tell me? PHOEBE: Well, I'm pregnant, okay? I'm a little scatter-brained right now. Forgive me. PIPER: Well, I'm sorry, it's a little too early for you to use that excuse. Are you sure? PHOEBE: I took the test. PIPER: Well, nothing's for sure until you see your doctor and have a blood test. Did you do that? PHOEBE: No, but it all times out, doesn't it? I just don't understand why it can't be with a guy who accepts me for who I am. PIPER: Well, he's obviously scared and confused about who you are. I mean, can you blame him? The only thing you can do is try to talk to him. PHOEBE: I've tried. PIPER: Well, so you need to try again. I mean, if he's not gonna listen, then you need to write him a letter. He reads your column, doesn't he? PHOEBE: Wait. Write him a letter in "Ask Phoebe"? PIPER: Yeah! That should get his attention. Drastic times call for drastic measures, and you guys need to work this out soon, especially if there's a new baby to think about. (Billie walks in. She stops when she sees them.) BILLIE JENKINS: Oh. Hello. PHOEBE: Hey. PIPER: What happened to you? (She looks at her bandaged-wrapped hand.) BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, this? It's nothing. You should see the other guy. PIPER: Did you vanquish him? BILLIE JENKINS: No, but I'm going to. I just have to go get some more potions, so ... bye. (Billie walks out of the room. Piper and Phoebe follow her.) [INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM /STAIRS - DAY - CONTINUOUS] PIPER: What happened to the potions you had? BILLIE JENKINS: Um, I just didn't have enough of them. PHOEBE: Why not? BILLIE JENKINS: Well, I sort of left them. PIPER: Left them with the demons? BILLIE JENKINS: You know, it's no big deal. No worries. Rome wasn't built in a day, right? (Billie turns to leave up the stairs, but Piper stops her.) PIPER: Billie! PHOEBE: Tell us what happened. (She sighs and sits down.) BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know. I was completely prepared. I researched the demon, I mixed the potions correctly and -- but I just froze. PIPER: You froze? What do you mean? Why? BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know why. It was so weird. It was nothing that he did, but it was like ... it was like deja vu. PHOEBE: So wait, you think you've seen him before? PIPER: How is that possible? (She shakes her head.) QUICK FLASHES OF MEMORY - Lightning flashes, thunder, and the lit jack-o lantern on the table. (Billie stares out in front of her with fear. Piper and Phoebe turn around to see Billie staring at the carved pumpkin on the far table.) PHOEBE: What's the matter? BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, nothing. Those things have always creeped me out. PIPER: You can fight demons, but you're afraid of pumpkins? BILLIE JENKINS: I'm not afraid of pumpkins. PHOEBE: Okay, well, you're obviously afraid of something, otherwise you wouldn't have frozen, right? And it's okay. I mean, it happens to all of us. You just have to figure out why. You know, what triggered it. (to Piper) Do you think it's some kind of latent memory? BILLIE JENKINS: Latent memory? PIPER: Unresolved issue. Look, whatever it is, you gotta figure it out, and until then, you're not fighting any more demons. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, come on, everyone has baggage. PIPER: Yeah, well, everybody doesn't fight demons. Now there's a first-aid kit upstairs for your hand. (Billie sighs and gets up. She heads upstairs. She pauses as she hears Phoebe and Piper.) (Phoebe turns to Piper.) PHOEBE: You think we're expecting too much from her? PIPER: I don't think she's ready for any of this. Could be making a big mistake. (Phoebe and Piper turn and head back to the kitchen.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Billie enters the attic and heads for the Book of Shadows. She flips to a page, "To Erase Painful Memories".) BILLIE JENKINS: Here goes nothing. (She reads the spell.) BILLIE JENKINS: After this cruel memory is seen and said, Erase these thoughts from my heart and head. (A gold glow encases her head. Billie closes her eyes and remembers: [INT. BILLIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK] (A little girl screams. A little girl gets out of bed. The caped shadow is on the wall, then disappears.) (The balcony doors blow open.) (A girl screams.) (The lit Jack o'lantern on the table is there, then it's gone.) END OF MEMORY (Billie's eyes open. She takes a couple of breaths, then smiles.) BILLIE JENKINS: Time to go kick some ass. (She heads out.) [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. P-3 -- DAY] (Seth Parra and Paige enter the club.) SETH PARRA: Huh. Interesting place to meet. Planning on taking me out, are ya? PAIGE: I would never go out with you. SETH PARRA: Yeah. I was speaking metaphorically. PAIGE: Ah. Well, I wasn't. SETH PARRA: Okay. All right, come on. What's going on? Why did you drag me all the way down here? You gonna give me an exclusive or what? PAIGE: No. I brought you here to warn you. SETH PARRA: A warning, huh? Yeah? PAIGE: Yeah. You might want to, uh, you know, back off on your story. SETH PARRA: Oh, yeah, and why is that? PAIGE: That would be because we're still working on a case for Homeland Security which is very dangerous and ongoing. SETH PARRA: Really? Tell me about it. (He takes out a tape recorder and turns it on.) PAIGE: Some things are more important than your story, some things are best left quiet, and some things are actually for the greater good. SETH PARRA: Yeah. What a load of crap. What could possibly be so important, so dangerous, to make the government wanna recruit sisters? Mmm. I don't buy it. There's more to this, and I'm gonna find out what. PAIGE: Even if it means hurting innocent people? SETH PARRA: (shrugs) That's not my responsibility. PAIGE: Like Carol Flowers wasn't your responsibility? (He looks at her.) QUICK FLASH OF CAROL FLOWERS SETH PARRA: Screw you. (He turns and leaves.) PAIGE: You know, we're never gonna talk. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN -- DAY] (Phoebe comes out of her office.) PHOEBE: Sophie, is it too late to make the evening edition? SOPHIE: You want me to stop them? PHOEBE: Yeah. I wanna swap out some of my advice. (Sophie picks up the phone.) SOPHIE: Hi. Uh, yeah, can you hold "Lifestyle"? Great. Thanks. I'll have new copy down in five. PHOEBE: You are a lifesaver. SOPHIE: Are you kidding? We're all just so happy to have you back that we'd do anything for you. Uh, not that I didn't like having your cousin around. She ... she was your real cousin, wasn't she? Or was she undercover, too? PHOEBE: Tick-tock. SOPHIE: Oh. "Pouting on Prescott"? PHOEBE: Yeah. Don't tell anybody. I'm just trying to reach out to someone that I hurt. SETH PARRA: Were you behind this, too, huh? Were you? PHOEBE: I don't know what you're talking about. (Seth comes to Phoebe.) SETH PARRA: You know damn well what I'm talkin' about. Dragging my ass down to P-3, warning me. And just so you know, all you and your sisters just did was make things worse for you. (Seth storms off.) PHOEBE: Sophie, will you get one of my sisters on the phone, please? (Sophie picks up the phone to make the call.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM / MAIN HALL -- DAY] (Leo dumps the package of candies out on the dining room table and heads for the stairs. He looks tired and exhausted, and sucking on a sucker.) (Billie zooms down the stairs nearly knocking Leo over.) LEO: Whoa. Watch out. BILLIE JENKINS: Sorry, sorry. Gotta go. LEO: Wait. Whoa. Wh-where? BILLIE JENKINS: Don't I have a demon to vanquish? LEO: I don't know. Do ya? BILLIE JENKINS: Did you get any Snickers? LEO: Uh, does Piper know about this? BILLIE JENKINS: Yes, of course she knows about this. Isn't that what I'm doing here, so I can fight demons so you guys can have a life? LEO: Such as it is. BILLIE JENKINS: Wish me luck. (Leo watches as Billie heads out.) (In the dining room, Billie passes by the dining room table. She stops and looks at the pumpkin.) BILLIE JENKINS: Boo. (Billie leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. ALLEYWAY -- NIGHT] (Billie walks into the alleyway.) BILLIE JENKINS: Marco ... (There's no answer.) BILLIE JENKINS: You're supposed to say "Polo." Come on. I know you're here, Dogon. I tracked you. (The Dogon and Tomar shimmer into the alley.) THE DOGON: Cocky little witch, aren't you? Or foolish. BILLIE JENKINS: I prefer the former. TOMAR: Kill her! (Tomar takes a step forward. Dogon holds up a long-nailed, boney hand.) DOGON: Not yet. (This triggers the same memory in Billie.) [INT. BILLIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK] (A little girl screams. A little girl gets out of bed. The crawls to another seat and looks up. A long metal-like claw rips through the ceiling like paper.) (The girl screams.) (The creature in black flies out the open balcony doors.) END OF MEMORY (Billie gasps.) (Dogon grabs the potions out from Billie's grip. He catches them perfectly leaving Billie defenseless.) DOGON: You seem to have a little trouble holding on to these. Billie turns and runs. Dogon throws the potions at Billie, nearly hitting her as she dives into the pile of trash in the alley.) BILLIE JENKINS: Aah! Ohh! (Billie gets up and runs away.) (Tomar makes to follow her, but Dogon stops her.) DOGON: No, let her go. She's not worth the effort. Besides, we have a demon to wait for. (Dogon and Tomar shimmer out.) [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN / PHOEBE'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (Phoebe sits at her desk. Everyone else has gone home for the night. Finally, she picks up her bag and heads out. She stops just as Dex enters the bullpen.) DEX LAWSON: Ahhh. Hi. Interesting advice. "Do whatever it takes to get somebody you've hurt to call, especially if he's a sculptor." (amused) Obviously, you had a very narrow target audience. PHOEBE: Well, tonight I do. DEX LAWSON: How'd you, uh, know I'd read it? PHOEBE: I didn't. It was my sister's idea. DEX LAWSON: Thank her for me. Look, I'm sorry if I've been a jerk about all of this. It just ... PHOEBE: It's okay, really. I mean, it's completely understandable. DEX LAWSON: Sounds like you've been through this before. PHOEBE: Yeah. Pretty much every time I fall for a guy, this seems to happen ... unfortunately. DEX LAWSON: Did you fall for me? PHOEBE: Dex, you know I did. DEX LAWSON: No, actually, I don't. That's kind of the problem. You said you had a, uh ... what did you call it? A vision or something, a ... PHOEBE: Premonition. DEX LAWSON: That we were gonna be married, right? PHOEBE: Well, yeah, but the whole getting married thing was because of a spell. DEX LAWSON: A spell? PHOEBE: Yeah, you -- witchcraft, magic, abracadabra stuff. You know. A friend of ours cast it. I had nothing to do with it. DEX LAWSON: Yeah, see, and that's kind of my question. Look, I don't pretend to understand everything that's happened here -- I may never -- but between you pretending to be somebody else, premonitions, the spells, how can you be sure you really did fall for me? How can I? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- NIGHT] (Billie rushes into the attic and stops abruptly when she sees Paige over at the Book of Shadows.) BILLIE JENKINS: Paige! PAIGE: Hey, honey, how you doin'? What's wrong? You don't look so well. BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah. I'm not feeling too great. PAIGE: Well, then why aren't you home resting? BILLIE JENKINS: I wanted to check something out in the book about the Dogon, you know, just in case I ever go up against him again. Don't want to let you guys down next time. PAIGE: Well, as long as next time isn't any time soon, how about you leave the demons to us for a while, okay? (Paige heads out.) BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah, right. (Once she's gone, Billie casts the "To Erase Painful Memories" spell again.) BILLIE JENKINS: After this cruel memory is seen and said, erase these thoughts from my heart and head." [INT. BILLIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK] (A little girl gets out of bed. The crawls to another seat and looks up. A long metal-like claw rips through the ceiling like paper.) (The rip in the ceiling vanishes.) (The creature in black flies out the open balcony doors, a little girl in his arms.) (The creature and the little girl vanish.) END OF MEMORY (Billie opens her eyes and takes several deep breaths.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PARRA RESIDENCE - SETH'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT] (The clock reads 11:52p. There's a half-filled bottle of hard alcohol on the table. Wind blows through the open window.) (Seth is sleeping on his stomach in the center of the bed.) (Paige orbs in.) (She looks at the windows, then back at Seth sleeping.) (She swallows the potion and changes into the ghost of Carol Flowers.) PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): Windows! (The windows slam shut waking Seth Parra up.) SETH PARRA: What? What was that? What the hell? Who -- who are--who are you? PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): What's the matter, Seth? Don't you recognize me? You killed me. (She rises up in the air) SETH PARRA: Help. Help! PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): Sock! SETH PARRA: Help! (The sock from the drawer orbs into Seth's mouth.) SETH PARRA: (muffled) Help PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): Belts! (The belts from the table orb and strap Seth's wrists to the bedposts.) PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): You used me. All you cared about was getting your story! You didn't care what would happen to me. Look at me. SETH PARRA: (whimpers) Mm ... PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): Look at me! This is what your precious story did! This is what you did! If you ever hurt anybody again, I'll be back ... for you! (The apparition flies straight into Seth Parra and vanishes.) SETH PARRA: Ohh! [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. MANOR - STAIRS/FOYER - NIGHT] (Billie comes down the stairs. Halfway down, she stops, confidently jumps and flips over the banister and onto the floor below. She lands effortlessly. She steps out into the foyer, looks back, then hurries out of the house. The door closes behind her.) [EXT. STREET (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. ALLEY -- NIGHT] (Dogon has his claw-like hand wrapped around a blonde-woman's neck, her back to the brick wall. He squeezes and lifts her up off the ground, her feet dangling.) DOGON: You don't fool me. I have been waiting for you, Abet. (The blonde-haired woman morphs into a demon.) ABET: I'll see you in The Wasteland. DOGON: But not for a while. Uhh! (Dogon's hand glows purple and sucks Abet into himself - powers and all. Dogon turns around and looks at Tomar.) DOGON: Who's next? BILLIE JENKINS: (o.s.) Try me. (They turn around and find Billie standing there.) DOGON: You're a persistent little witch, I'll give you that. (Billie throws a potions bottle at Dogon who immediately deflects it. The vials hit Tomar instead and he explodes in a puff of smoke and fire.) TOMAR: Ah! DOGON: Overcome your fears, have you? (He takes a step toward her.) BILLIE JENKINS: What fears? (Dogon throws a power ball at Billie who bends back completely avoiding it easily. The powerball explodes behind her.) (She immediately gets up and starts an offense on Dogon - throwing potion after potion, hit after hit after hit after hit on him. He takes each hit in the chest, backing away from the force of the explosion. ) DOGON: Ah! Oh! DOGON: Uhh! DOGON: Uhh! Ah! (Billie continues to advance on him until he explodes completely.) (She sighs, tugs her jacket straight, turns and heads out of the dark alley.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - NIGHT] (Dogon flames into the center of the Great Hall. He grunts with pain. A demon steps forward to check on him.) DEMON: Are you all right? DOGON: No! (Angry and humiliated, Dogon throws a fireball at the demon. The demon explodes.) DOGON: Oh ... I'm not. (He turns to the other demons.) Leave me! (The other demons exit the hall.) (Dogon gets to his feet.) DOGON: I've got a score to settle. [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - SITTING ROOM -- DAY] (Phoebe walks out of the kitchen carrying a cup of something to drink. She walks through the dining room and into the sitting room. The front door opens and Paige pushes her way into the house amidst the reporters and camera flashes.) (She shuts the door closed behind her.) PAIGE: Get! Get ... lost. Get a life or something. (Paige heads over to Phoebe.) PAIGE: Ohh! I thought I got rid of them. I can't believe it. PHOEBE: Really? What made you think that? (Paige sits down and throws the recent newspaper on the coffee table.) PAIGE: Well, I thought I scared Seth off, but look at his headline. It's worse than ever. PHOEBE: I told you he was a pit bull. PAIGE: Well, you also said that he gets scared. Remember the whole mafia story, Carol Flowers thing, you said he was haunted by it? So I figured if I could haunt him in real life that -- PHOEBE: -- that you'd scare him off the case. PAIGE: Yeah. Obviously, it didn't. Piper's gonna freak. PHOEBE: Sometimes I just wonder if it wouldn't be better to just let the truth out. PAIGE: You're not serious, are you? PHOEBE: Yeah. I mean why not? It couldn't get any worse. PAIGE: Well, yeah, actually it could. I mean, just think of how Dex reacted. PHOEBE: Yeah. I am. PAIGE: You spoke to him? PHOEBE: Yeah. I don't know. It's just so complicated. You know, I find this guy -- this great guy, and then the spell and the premonitions just mess everything up, and I'm left to wonder how I really feel about him. It's just so not fair. PAIGE: Well, how do you feel? PHOEBE: Well, I like him ... a lot. But do I love him? Do I want to have his baby and spend the rest of our lives together? I just -- I don't know. And how can I know? Ehh, none of this makes sense. PAIGE: Maybe you should retake that test. (There's a bang. The front door opens and Leo rushes into the house. He looks even worse than before and a bruise forming on his right cheek.) PHOEBE: Leo! What happened? LEO: Where's Piper? PHOEBE: She's in the kitchen. (Leo heads toward the kitchen. Phoebe grimaces as she sees Leo leave.) PAIGE: You know what? (She sighs.) Maybe I should call in the big guns. (Paige orbs out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Piper puts her knife down on the cutting board. She can't believe what she just heard.) PIPER: I'm sorry, what? You got in a fight? Where? LEO: At Wyatt's preschool. PIPER: What did you do? LEO: Oh, what did I do? I didn't do anything, okay? I was protecting our son. This whole thing got way out of control. PIPER: Wait. Is Wyatt all right? LEO: Of course he's all right. A photographer shoved his camera in his face. PIPER: (chuckles) So, what? You went all Sean Penn on him? LEO: What? Am I supposed to let it go? PIPER: Yes! That's precisely what you should have done. LEO: Oh, so you can turn them into rats, and I can't do anything. PIPER: You know what? That's different. LEO: Why because you have powers? PIPER: Uh, yeah, partly, because I can reverse the damage that I've done. You can't. LEO: Gotcha. So because you have powers and I don't, I'm just supposed to let it go, maybe let you figure it out for me, go get some more candy? PIPER: What is wrong with you? LEO: Never mind. (Leo turns and leaves the kitchen. Piper chases after him.) PIPER: Don't you walk away from me! LEO: Watch me. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE - TOWER -- DAY] (Paige is on the San Francisco bridge tower.) PAIGE: All right, I am not going anywhere. I'm just gonna stay here and keep bugging you until somebody comes down here and ... talks to me. (Jonas orbs in.) JONAS (ELDER): Hello, Paige. How have you been? PAIGE: How have I been? You don't know what's going on? JONAS (ELDER): You didn't ask for our help before. PAIGE: Oh! So we're being punished for that now? JONAS (ELDER): No. Of course not. But we didn't get you into this mess. You did. PAIGE: "This mess"? This mess happened because we almost died fighting for the greater good. We actually made a split-second decision, and, hey, we chose life. I know we've had we've had our differences in the past, but don't you think we maybe deserve a bit of a break here? JONAS (ELDER): Yes, I do, but getting out of this, turning the cameras away from you won't be as easy as you think. PAIGE: Okay, well, how about calling The Cleaners down here? They can erase some memories, rewind time - JONAS (ELDER): Not with this much time. Besides, you already burned that bridge. PAIGE: Memory dust. Just sprinkle some. JONAS (ELDER): Too many people involved. There's not enough. PAIGE: Can you cast a spell or maybe magnify one of ours at least? JONAS (ELDER): I'm afraid not. PAIGE: Okay. Well, I am actually open to suggestions. JONAS (ELDER): The answer to your problems are not magical, Paige. They're human. PAIGE: Okay, I'm listening. JONAS (ELDER): Everyone's after an amazing story, aren't they? An extraordinary one? Just show them how ordinary you are. They'll go away. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM -- DAY] (Leo goes berserk as he rants to Piper.) LEO: "Leo, can you pick up the dry cleaning? Leo! Can you drop the kids off at dad's? Leo! Can you fix the sink?! Leo, can you do this? Can you do that?" You know, I feel like I'm a freaking handyman again. PIPER: Well, I'm sorry, Leo, that I work for a living, okay? LEO: Oh. Oh, okay. And because I do everything else around here, I don't. PIPER: I don't ask you to do everything else. LEO: No, no. You just expect it. You know, every time I walk through the door, I never know what's next on your fricking list of things to do, never- ending, by the way. PIPER: Well, you know what? Welcome to marriage, Leo. It's a partnership. You divide and conquer. What's your problem? LEO: Only you do the dividing and the conquering. (In the closer, Leo changes clothes.) PIPER: Okay, look, I did not ask you to give up your powers, if this is what that's all about. LEO: No. But I did not give up my powers to be told what to do all the time, you know? Damnit! (Frustrated, he throws the shirt in the closet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - FOYER / MAIN HALL -- DAY] (Downstairs, Paige opens the front doors and invites all the reporters, cameras and other media people into the house.) PAIGE: Okay, welcome. Welcome to our, uh ... lovely home. Please go on through. Go on through. That's right. (Seth steps into the house and looks at Paige.) SETH PARRA: So what's the catch, huh? We all gonna get threatened this time? PAIGE: Well, only if you steal Piper's candy. Ha ha ha. All right, after you. That's right. Ooh, wait there for me. (Paige slams the door shuts and heads to the front of the group to start to 'tour.') PAIGE: The house was built in 1898. We're actually the third generation to own it. Although not really headline worthy. (Phoebe steps out of the kitchen and sees the group standing in the main hall.) PHOEBE: Paige, what are you doing? PAIGE: Ahh, Phoebe, lovely woman, fascinating life. But since she has a daily column in the paper, there's really not much left to write about, is there? Oop. Smile for the cameras. (The cameraman snaps a couple of pictures. Phoebe looks even more stressed.) PAIGE: (to the group) Ahh ... give us a second. (They step aside in the dining room.) PAIGE: What's going on? PHOEBE: I retook the test. It looks like the first one was wrong. PAIGE: Aw, honey I'm sorry. SETH PARRA: Now, you talking about the case, are you? I mean, you don't care to give us a quote? PAIGE: No. We're actually discussing something private, but I promise, it's not newsworthy. Shall we? (She shows them to the stairs.) SETH PARRA: (groans) Oh ... (The group heads upstairs. Paige puts a supporting hand on Phoebe's shoulder, then leaves to attend to the group.) [INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM -- DAY] (Piper and Leo argue.) PIPER: Hey, I did not ask you to be Mr. Mom. You volunteered. LEO: Yes, but I did not think that it would become a fulltime job. PIPER: Oh! And so that's my fault? LEO: No, it is not your fault, okay? It just really sucks. PIPER: Oh, it sucks? What would you like me to do about the fact that your life sucks?! (The door opens. Paige and the group of reporters appear in the doorway.) PAIGE: Hello. (Piper turns and looks at Paige.) PAIGE: (to the group) And for your enjoyment, ladies and gentlemen, a marital spat. I know, really interesting, probably belongs in the lifestyle section right under the column on stinky diapers. PIPER: Paige, what are you doing? PAIGE: Well, I am just showing these fine men and women that even though there's nothing to find, they're destroying our lives anyway. So ... carry on. (Paige closes the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Paige walks into the attic with the group behind her. She points out various items of fascination as she casually stands in front of the bookstand with the Book of Shadows.) PAIGE: Ahh, here we have my grandma's sewing machine that's broken, and there we have piper's bicycle, flat tire ... um, a bunch of lamps -- Leo needs to fix those -- and oh -- oh, yes. A hanging chair. SETH PARRA: That's cute, Paige, but it's not gonna work. See, the government wouldn't have faked your deaths unless they had a damn good reason, and none of this changes that. PAIGE: Maybe you should just think of all those great big stories you're missing out on while you're wasting time on us. See, we're never gonna talk, so this is all you're gonna get. (He looks at her and nods. Paige shrugs at him. Seth turns to the group.) SETH PARRA: Let's go. No story here. (The entire group leaves the attic. Paige turns around and looks at the Book of Shadows and sees that it's open to the page on the spell "To Erase Painful Memories".) PAIGE: Damn it. (This is not good. Paige heads out of the attic.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Seth Parra and the reporters on their way out of the house walk past Piper and Leo. Paige rushes down the attic stairs.) PIPER: What did you say to them? PAIGE: It doesn't matter because I'm pretty sure Billie is in trouble, again. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BILLIE'S DORM ROOM -- DAY] (Dogon drops Billie on her table. She falls to the floor in a heep.) BILLIE JENKINS: Aah! (He looks down at Billie.) DOGON: I've come too far, acquired too many powers to let a little witch like you embarrass me. It won't happen again. (Paige orbs in, then promptly orbs out.) PAIGE: Hey! (Dogon turns around to look for Paige. With his back to her, Paige orbs in near Billie and orbs them both out.) (Having lost his chance to destroy Billie, Dogon screams with rage.) DOGON: No-o-o-o! [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- DAY] (Piper paces the floor. Paige it at the potions table boiling a new batch. Phoebe tends to Billie's wounds.) PIPER: We don't have much time. He's gonna track her here sooner or later. PHOEBE: Hey, is the press still outside? PIPER: I don't know. I'm afraid to look. PAIGE: Did you use mandrake root or mustard seed? BILLIE JENKINS: Mandrake root. PHOEBE: Now, why didn't you tell us what you were doing? How come you hid it from us? BILLIE JENKINS: Because I thought I could handle it. I didn't want you guys to give up on me. PIPER: Now, why would you think that? BILLIE JENKINS: Well, I overheard you and Piper talking yesterday about how you didn't think I could handle all this, and I just didn't want it to be true. PAIGE: Why did you think erasing bad memories could help you vanquish the demon? BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know. All I know is it didn't work. PHOEBE: Magic can't erase fears. They're part of what makes us what we are, and the only way to overcome them is to actually face them. BILLIE JENKINS: I don't want face this one. (Paige hands Piper the vial.) PIPER: Face what? (Billie looks at them.) BILLIE JENKINS: The night my sister was taken. My mom was putting us both to bed, and it was raining outside. [INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK] (Christy leans over Billie's bed.) CHRISTY: Boo! (She scares her.) BILLIE JENKINS: Ohh! Christy, I'm telling mom! CHRISTY: Big scaredy-cat. (Christy smiles and heads back to her own bed. Billie holds her stuffed bear closer to her. She's on the bottom bunk. Christy climbs up to the top bunk.) (The balcony doors open. Billie gets up. She sees a dark-figure fly into the room. Billie falls back against the pillows with fear. The light in the Jack- o'lantern flicker.) (The creature with black eyes and silver claws bends over and looks at Billie. He then jumps up.) (Christy screams.) CHRISTY: No! (Billie looks up and the demon's claws rip through the bottom bunk's mattress and boards. Christy continues to scream.) CHRISTY: No! No! (The demon picks Christy up and flies out of the room with her screaming in his arms.) CHRISTY: Aa-a-aah! FLASH TO END OF FLASHBACK [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - PRESENT] BILLIE JENKINS: That was the last time I ever saw her. PHOEBE: So you have faced this demon before. BILLIE JENKINS: No, I haven't. The Dogon is different. I know that now, but he just reminded me of the one that took Christy. PIPER: What did your parents do? BILLIE JENKINS: Nothing. I was never allowed to talk about it. They just told me an evil man kidnapped her. PHOEBE: They didn't tell you it was a demon? BILLIE JENKINS: They didn't know anything about demons. They just thought I saw a monster under the bed or something like that. They thought I made the whole thing up. PAIGE: And now you know you didn't. (Billie shakes her head. Dogon shimmers in next to Billie and wraps his claw- like hands around her neck. Billie gasps.) DOGON: Move and she dies. (Billie reaches out and takes the potions bottle from Piper.) BILLIE JENKINS: (whispers) Don't worry. (The Dogon shimmers out with Billie.) PAIGE: Okay, what now? PHOEBE: We trust her. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY] (The Dogon shimmers into the Great Hall with Billie. He throws her on the floor.) DOGON: I should've known you were working for The Charmed Ones. It explains the hubris. BILLIE JENKINS: Actually, it seems I've mistaken you for somebody else. (Dogon holds out his hand, palm down, claw-like fingers extended.) DOGON: Really? Who? (Billie opens her mouth.) BILLIE JENKINS: Ahh ... (Dogon opens his mouth.) DOGON: "Ahh"? (Billie throws the potions bottle directly into the Dogon. He swallows the potion and explodes.) (His mask falls to the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. DEX'S BUILDING (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. DEX'S GALLERY/ LOFT -- NIGHT] (There's a knock on the door. Dex opens it and finds Phoebe standing there.) DEX LAWSON: Hey. PHOEBE: Trick-or-treat. DEX LAWSON: Let me guess. You're a witch. PHOEBE: Always. (She sighs.) PHOEBE: Can we talk? (He motions her inside.) DEX LAWSON: Yeah, sure. (She walks inside and he closes the door behind her.) DEX LAWSON: It's not gonna work out, is it? PHOEBE: (sighs) I don't know. I mean, we've just -- we've been through so much, you know, so fast ... too fast. DEX LAWSON: Maybe we need to take things slower. Of course, uh, considering we've already been married and divorced, it's not gonna be easy. PHOEBE: That's true. DEX LAWSON: Regardless ... I don't like where things sit. PHOEBE: No, I don't either. Uh ... I thought I was pregnant, and I didn't know how to tell you. DEX LAWSON: Are you? PHOEBE: No, I'm not, but I thought I was, and it scared the hell out of me. Not because I didn't want to be. I did, but I ... Eh ... DEX LAWSON: It's too fast. PHOEBE: Yeah. DEX LAWSON: What's the point of having premonitions if they don't even work out? PHOEBE: They always work out. It's just sometimes they don't work out the way you thought that they would. DEX LAWSON: So where do we go from here? PHOEBE: I guess ... we just take it slow, you know, and try to figure out how we feel about each other without the magic. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM / FOYER -- NIGHT] (The doorbell rings. Paige answers the door dressed up. Piper in a mouse costume carries Chris dressed as a wizard.) CHILDREN: Trick-or-treat! PIPER: Wow! Look at you guys. Are you a pirate? Wow, and a dinosaur, and a very scary ghost. PAIGE: Not as scary as mine was. PIPER: Uh-huh. PAIGE: Okay, guys, take as much as you want. Oh, careful, careful, careful. Easy now. Easy. Careful. Oops. Pass it back. There you guys go. Ok, have a great night. PIPER: It's a candy riot. PAIGE: Bye. Be careful. PIPER: I think we just got robbed. PAIGE: I think so. (Paige closes the door. Piper takes Chris into the sitting room and puts him down in his play pen.) PIPER: Oh, my goodness. PAIGE: Hey, if you want to go trick-or-treating with Leo and Wyatt, I can watch Chris. PIPER: Oh, no. That's okay. I think Leo and I need some space. Apparently, we're having some issues. (Paige puts the bowl of candies on the coffee table, sits down and puts her feet up.) PAIGE: I hope it's nothing serious. (Piper sits down next to her.) PIPER: No. You know, I don't think so. I think just with everything that's been going on, we've taken each other for granted a little bit, and, you know, we'll be fine. PAIGE: I hope so. PIPER: Yeah. Well, now that, you know, all the press is gone and things'll calm down a little bit. PAIGE: Yeah, except for the demons. PIPER: Buzz kill. PAIGE: What? They know we're back. It's only a matter of time. PIPER: I know, but, you know, we've got Billie to pick up the slack. She can do it. PAIGE: Ya think? PIPER: Yeah. What do you mean? She handled the Dogon okay, didn't she? PAIGE: Yeah. I mean, just the whole thing about her discovering that her sister was kidnapped by a demon. I don't know how soon she's gonna get over that one. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DORM ROOM -- NIGHT] (On the bed side table is a framed photo of two kids -- Christy with her arm around Billie. Billie looks at the photo, then turns away, thinking.) (Camera pulls away.)

It's Halloween and Billie is determined to vanquish a demon called the Dogan. However, when she freezes upon meeting her target, she opens up to the sisters about when demons kidnapped her sister years ago on Halloween. She then casts an anti-fear spell on herself to see if that can help move past what happened all those years ago. Meanwhile, Paige decides to use a little magic on a reporter who won't leave the sisters alone, whereas Piper and Leo find themselves in a bit of a pickle. Phoebe is worried that she might be pregnant.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_02x18

fd_Gilmore_Girls_02x18_0

2.18 - Back in the Saddle Again OPEN AT ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai, Rory and Emily are sitting at the table staring at the food.] LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: No. LORELAI: We're starving. EMILY: We're waiting for your father. LORELAI: It's gonna get cold. EMILY: We are waiting for your father. LORELAI: We've been waiting forever. EMILY: We have not been waiting forever. LORELAI: Forever. Godot was just here. He said I ain't waiting for Richard,' grabbed a roll, and left. It's been forever. EMILY: When we gather as a family, we eat as a family. We don't eat in shifts you know that and Richard certainly knows that. RORY: When did he get that antique car anyhow? EMILY: A couple of horrible weeks ago. LORELAI: What happened to the oil painting hobby of his? EMILY: Ah, you know your father. When he couldn't foresee rivaling Cezanne, he lost interest so he bought that car. Lorelai! [Lorelai spits out the piece of candy she was about to eat] LORELAI: Mom, it's not dinner, it's just my private stash. EMILY: It's eating and we're not eating. LORELAI: You know, you're bound by the rules of the Geneva Convention, Mother, just like everyone else. Hey, no one told me it was casual Friday. RICHARD: Hello everyone. You haven't started? EMILY: Of course we haven't started, we were waiting for you. I thought you were almost done. RICHARD: Well, I was but this car has a mind of its own. As I turned to leave it began spraying some sort of green solution at me. RORY: Yuck. RICHARD: Yuck, indeed. Well, go on, start. LORELAI: Ooh! RICHARD: No sense in waiting for me. LORELAI: Coolness! EMILY: Stop! LORELAI: Gomer said! EMILY: We are waiting for you, Richard. In thirty five years, I have never ever started a dinner without you unless you were out of town or seriously ill. Elsa, take everything away and keep it warm! Now please go upstairs and get ready so we can all enjoy a nice family dinner. . .together. RICHARD: I'll be right back. LORELAI: Right back, Dad, like right back. In fact, change on the way upstairs. And make it a Navy shower quick soap, quick rinse and no excessive posing! Hungry. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Rory and Lorelai walk through the door] LORELAI: Hey there. Anywhere? LUKE: Anywhere you want. LORELAI: Could you move please? CUSTOMER: What? LUKE: Anywhere where there's not people. LORELAI: Oh, well, like I'm a mind reader. I was just joking. Hmm, that's funny. RORY: What? LORELAI: Something's different here, something's changed. RORY: Impossible. LORELAI: No, I swear, there's something. RORY: You know, I'd be very disappointed if something changed in here. LORELAI: Why are you so anti-change? RORY: Because most change sucks. LORELAI: That's true, it does. Uh! The chalkboard! RORY: What about it? LORELAI: Luke's special omelet. That is brand new. RORY: A new special? His four-slice French toast has been up there since I was born! LORELAI: You just gotta let that go, baby. LUKE: What can I get you? LORELAI: You have a new special. LUKE: I sure do. LORELAI: Nice. What is the special omelet? LUKE: You won't like it. LORELAI: How do you know? LUKE: Because you've been eating here for years and I know what you like, and you won't like it. LORELAI: Can I at least hear what it is? LUKE: Fine. It's three eggs with bits of bacon. LORELAI: I like bacon. LUKE: Cubed tomatoes. LORELAI: Sounds good. LUKE: Swiss cheese and a dash of oregano. LORELAI: A dash, he says. LUKE: I've got other customers here. LORELAI: I'm gonna go with the special omelet. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: With a side of bacon. LUKE: There's bacon in the omelet. LORELAI: Oh, then skip the bacon. LUKE: The side of bacon? LORELAI: The bacon in the omelet. LUKE: Hold the bacon. LORELAI: Can I get Jack cheese? LUKE: On the side? LORELAI: Instead of Swiss, Swiss is so stringy. LUKE: Fine, Jack cheese. LORELAI: Also, I think I'm allergic to oregano so hold that, too, and some coffee. LUKE: So, just the eggs, tomatoes, and Jack cheese. LORELAI: Not too many tomatoes. LUKE: Light on the tomatoes. LORELAI: Very light, just a teeny-tiny amount, practically none. LUKE: I'm skipping the tomatoes. It's an omelet with Jack cheese. LORELAI: Perfect. LUKE: You did this on purpose. LORELAI: Did what? RORY: French toast for me. That was cruel. LORELAI: I know. Look how hard he worked on that sign and everything. Look at the handwriting, it's so precise, so determined. It's focused-Luke. RORY: That's Jess' handwriting. LORELAI: Really? How do you know Jess' writing? RORY: Oh, well, I lent him a book and he wrote some stuff in it. LORELAI: He vandalized one of your books? RORY: No, he didn't vandalize it. He wrote in the margins, thoughts and stuff. LORELAI: Like what, like play basketball, eat a sandwich stuff like that? RORY: No, stuff, like margin stuff. People like Mark Twain wrote in margins. LORELAI: Pilot a steamboat, write Huckleberry Finn? RORY: Forget it. LORELAI: No, no, I'm sure margin writing is very common. Oh, hey, you didn't tell me Dean was joining us. RORY: Dean? LORELAI: Hey. DEAN: Hi. RORY: What are you doing here? DEAN: I just dropped by to say hello. RORY: How'd you know we were here? DEAN: Cause you're always here. RORY: We're not always here. LORELAI: Uh, do you wanna eat with us, Dean? DEAN: Rory? RORY: Huh? DEAN: Is that okay? RORY: Yes. Oh, yes, you don't have to ask. LORELAI: Hey, we're three. LUKE: I did the math. You gonna eat something? DEAN: Sure, yeah, I'll take the special omelet, I guess. LUKE: You put him up to this? LORELAI: No, I did not! LUKE: Sure. You don't even know what's in it. DEAN: I'm not picky. LUKE: So you'll send it back after I make it? DEAN: No. LUKE: Right. I'll come back when I've got time for this. DEAN: What was that all about? LORELAI: I think it was a little something in your attitude, mister. CUT TO CHILTON CLASSROOM [The students are sitting in several separate groups around the classroom] RORY: So is everything in the materials clear to everyone? CHIP: Pretty much. LOUISE: Oh, were we reading these now? RORY: Yeah, that's why we've all been kind of quiet for the past ten minutes. LOUISE: I thought it was, like, prayer time or something. PARIS: Good grief. MADELINE: I'm still reading mine. PARIS: What? MADELINE: I read slow so I don't miss anything. PARIS: It's not the Bhagavad Gita, Madeline. It's simple instructions for the business fair. LOUISE: Someone's not taking to Elba too kindly. PARIS: What does that mean? LOUISE: Just that Rory's the leader of this group, Napoleon, and you're not. PARIS: Excuse me, leader? You wanna lead here, you've got anarchy. RORY: I'm just enjoying the show. BRAD: Hi, I think this is my group. RORY: Brad, hey. BRAD: Oh, you remember me. RORY: Of course I do. BRAD: Cool. RORY: So you're back at Chilton now? BRAD: Oh, yeah. My psychiatrist convinced my parents that I should face my fears instead of running away from them and my rabbi agreed, so here I am. RORY: Well, nice to have you back. Take a seat. BRAD: Paris. Her name is Paris, right? RORY: Brad, let me catch you up here. There's going to be an intra-school business fair in three weeks. Each group has to come up with a consumer product that's geared toward high school kids. BRAD: Neat. RORY: So we pick our product and we make a prototype of it, then we use our imaginary million dollar budget to mass produce, market, and distribute it, and we'll present all of this at the fair. BRAD: Cool. PARIS: Hey Brad? Your festive interjections are a real kick in the pants, but we're low on time, so can it. RORY: That's it. In two days we're going to reconvene and pitch product ideas. LOUISE: Class dismissed? PARIS: Whoa whoa whoa, we haven't even discussed business advisors. RORY: Right. We're supposed to get a parent who's in business to advise us. Anyone score? CHIP: My dad's got scheduling conflicts up the wazoo. RORY: No for Chip. PARIS: My dad's in Hong Kong for the month but he can video-conference in if need be. RORY: No for Paris. MADELINE: My dad's traveling. LOUISE: My dad's in court for the next six weeks. RORY: Lawyer? LOUISE: Defendant. RORY: We won't pry. LOUISE: I have no idea what he's up on anyway. RORY: And no one's mom works? MADELINE: Working moms are so nineties. BRAD: My mom works. She's a curator at the Hartford Natural Museum. PARIS: We need experienced business advisors, Brad not someone who poses animal carcasses. MADELINE: What about your mom? RORY: My mom? PARIS: Yeah, that's right. She runs a hotel. RORY: It's just an inn, a small inn. MADELINE: It's still a business. CHIP: She must keep books and stuff, right? RORY: Yeah, but they're really small books. PARIS: Look, it's not perfect but it's a better option than Brad's mom, the buffalo stuffer. BRAD: She doesn't stuff the animals. That's taxidermy. PARIS: Who is this rabbi that encouraged you to come back here? Give me his address, I'm gonna go over there and pop him one. RORY: Okay, hold it. Now, I don't think my mom is right for this. PARIS: Well, she's all we've got so you need to do whatever it takes to make it happen, otherwise maybe you shouldn't be the group leader. LOUISE: A coup d' tat, how exciting. RORY: There's no coup d' tat. I'll ask her. PARIS: Good. CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN [Sookie is stirring a bowl of meringue as Lorelai walks in with a box] SOOKIE: Thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two. . . LORELAI: Sookie, look! SOOKIE: Thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five, can't look, I'm making meringue, thirty-seven, fine science. LORELAI: You got a package! SOOKIE: Thirty-nine, gotta count, forty, can't over-whip. LORELAI: I think it's your wedding invitations! SOOKIE: Whoooooo! Gimme it! Ohh, I wanna see them! Oh, you're gonna love these. They're pearly white with this beautiful lavender stripe - . . . LORELAI: Aw. SOOKIE: I'm gonna choke somebody by the neck until brains ooze out of their ears. LORELAI: What, they're beautiful. SOOKIE: The name, look at the name. LORELAI: The marriage of his daughter. . . BOTH: Susie St. James. SOOKIE: Who is Susie St. James? LORELAI: I think it's you. SOOKIE: What am I gonna do? LORELAI: It can be changed. SOOKIE: No, and these have to go out in a week. LORELAI: We're calling right now. SOOKIE: I am so not a Susie. MICHEL: Good morning, beautiful morning. SOOKIE: It sucks from where I'm sitting. MICHEL: Heartbreak. Lorelai, do you remember I have tomorrow afternoon off? LORELAI: I remember, big plans? MICHEL: Yes, my mother is coming to visit. LORELAI: [on phone] Hello, yes, customer service please, thanks. [To Michel] Sorry. MICHEL: About what? LORELAI: You said your mother's coming for a visit. MICHEL: But I'm excited, I never get to see her. LORELAI: Oh, I must be projecting. Your mother's coming for a visit! MICHEL: She's coming down for three days. LORELAI: Is she staying here? MICHEL: No. She stays with me, of course. LORELAI: In your tiny place? MICHEL: Oh, she's fine with it. I mean, we stay up all night gabbing and watching movies. We have a ball. LORELAI: Wow, I can't wait to meet her. [on phone] Oh, hello. Yes, we have a problem with some wedding invitations we ordered. Okay. [to Sookie] They're transferring me. SOOKIE: I heard that. LORELAI: He's really happy about his mother coming to visit. SOOKIE: I heard that, too. LORELAI: Totally foreign to me. [on phone] Hi. Oh great, I'm gonna pass you over to my friend who has a problem with some merchandise she ordered. Hold on one sec. [to Sookie] Listen to me, I've had a lot of experience dealing with people who have screwed something up. You have a better chance of getting them to help you if you don't get all hysterical. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: [on phone] How dare you do this to me! You're ruining my wedding! It's the most important day of my life! It's my life, it's not Susie St. James, are you listening to me? LORELAI: Good girl. SOOKIE: You better be listening to me! Do you look, no, you be quiet, listen! CUT TO LOBBY [Lorelai walks out of the kitchen as Rory walks into the inn] RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Oh, hi. Thought you couldn't get here til later. RORY: Our Franklin meeting didn't go as long as I thought it would. LORELAI: Well, lucky for me, more work for you. Here, chronological order, please. So how was your day? RORY: I got an A on my physics test. LORELAI: Aw. RORY: And I finished Candide and I convinced a boy that Paris would probably never attack his rabbi. LORELAI: So uneventful, huh? RORY: Pretty much. Mom, um, I know you're probably not gonna wanna do this. LORELAI: Yes, I will. . .unless it's something that I don't wanna do. RORY: Do you wanna be the parent advisor on my economics project? LORELAI: Ooh, Rory, gosh. RORY: I'm kind of in a spot. LORELAI: No one else can do it? RORY: Nope. LORELAI: You checked? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: You double checked? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: And no one else can do it so you came slumming after me and I'm your last choice? RORY: Of course. LORELAI: I appreciate that. RORY: I'm totally stuck. LORELAI: Well, if you're stuck, I'll do it. RORY: Thanks. LORELAI: But ooh, hey, what about your grandfather, retired business titan? RORY: What about him? LORELAI: He'd be perfect. RORY: But this is a business project and the word business has been kind of taboo in that house since he left the firm. Asking him might remind him of that and upset him. LORELAI: Or he'll be thrilled that you thought of him. RORY: Hm, you're not just saying that because you don't wanna do it? LORELAI: No, I really think he would enjoy helping you. You would be doing me a big favor cause then I wouldn't have to feel guilty about being so reluctant to help you out myself. RORY: All right, I'll give it a shot. LORELAI: Good girl. RORY: Would you really have felt guilty? LORELAI: No, but I would've felt guilty about not feeling guilty and you can see how that could just go on forever. RORY: Miss Gilmore and the vicious circle. LORELAI: Mm hmm. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Richard is outside working on his antique car as Rory walks up to him] RORY: Hey Grandpa. RICHARD: Rory, this is a surprise. RORY: I was just in the area and I thought I'd pay a call. RICHARD: Well, how very continental of you. I would hug you, but I have various forms of viscous fluid on my clothing. RORY: I'll take a rain check. RICHARD: Very good. RORY: How's she running? RICHARD: Ah, she's a bit, oh, obstinate today. RORY: Well, girls can get that way. RICHARD: Mm, indeed. So you were in the neighborhood? RORY: Yeah, and I actually have a little favor to ask you, if it's okay. RICHARD: Oh, ask away. RORY: Okay. There's this project at school and, uh, it's for my economics class. RICHARD: Good subject, pragmatic. RORY: Yeah, and we have to come up with a consumer product, all make believe, and there's sort of a contest at the end and we sort of need an advisor. RICHARD: An advisor? RORY: Yeah, someone who's experienced in business who can come to a few meetings, make suggestions. I mean, I totally understand if you can't do it, but I just thought I would ask. RICHARD: Well, I'm not sure how much help I could be. I've never actually created a consumer product. RORY: That's okay, we kids haven't either. RICHARD: Yes, I suppose you haven't. RORY: If you can't do it or if you don't wanna do it, I totally understand. RICHARD: Well, things are a little bit hectic right now. RORY: Oh, yeah, I know. RICHARD: And it is short notice, after all. RORY: Very short, very short. Um, you know what, forget I even asked. EMILY: Rory, I didn't know you were here! RORY: Hi Grandma. EMILY: You didn't hug your grandfather, did you? RORY: I took a rain check. Well, I better go. EMILY: But you just got here. We have cookies, would you like cookies? RORY: No, thank you. Mom's expecting me at the inn. And Grandpa, really, don't worry about it. I just thought I would ask. RICHARD: I'm fine, Rory. Thank you for asking. RORY: Bye. [leaves] EMILY: Ask what, what did she ask? RICHARD: Oh, something for her economics class. It's nothing really. EMILY: That doesn't sound like nothing. What about her economics class? Is she having trouble? RICHARD: No, Emily. She merely asked me to participate in some, uh, project at school and I respectfully declined. EMILY: You declined? RICHARD: Leave it, Emily. EMILY: Why did you decline? RICHARD: Let's talk about it later, Emily. I'm busy. EMILY: Busy? You've been poking around that stupid engine for the last three weeks and all it does is spray at you. You're not too busy. RICHARD: Emily, I am in the middle of something here and I don't expect you to understand it. EMILY: You're not going to help her? RICHARD: Can we talk about this later? EMILY: Well, I never thought I'd see the day. RICHARD: What day? EMILY: The day Richard Gilmore would disappoint his granddaughter like this. RICHARD: Oh, Emily, please. EMILY: So, tell me Richard, is this how it's going to be from now on? RICHARD: What are you talking about? EMILY: I just want to know what to expect from you. Because the bouncing from one thing to another, the moping and silence in your den for days, all of that I accepted. . .but your turning your back on Rory! RICHARD: I did not turn my back on her. EMILY: You adore that little girl, she means everything to you, remember? RICHARD: Emily! EMILY: Are you that lost? I'm incredibly disappointed in you Richard! CUT TO SIDEWALK [Rory and Lane are walking down the street] LANE: Sales! RORY: Lane. LANE: Sales! RORY: It's just a stupid test. LANE: Lane Kim, you have shown a genuine aptitude for sales. RORY: It doesn't mean anything. LANE: Hello ma'am, I see you're eyeing the Whip-o-Matic, nice choice! This baby's right off the truck, and let me tell you, if you're looking for something to fulfill all your whipping needs, you've come to the right place because as Devo says if a problem comes along you must whip it, as long as you whip it with a Whip-o-Matic! RORY: Wow, you are good. LANE: Stop it. RORY: I'll take two. LANE: I don't wanna be in sales! RORY: You don't have to be. LANE: I wanna do something cool. RORY: Sell refrigerators. LANE: You are not funny. RORY: Look, you are taking this aptitude test way too seriously. LANE: It's the fourth time I've taken it and it's the fourth time it's come up sales. RORY: Lane, in ten years, we will be having lunch in Paris and we will not be discussing whether or not you made your quota. LANE: Right, so I'm gonna be a sucky salesman? RORY: Changing subject now. DEAN: Hey. RORY: Oh, hey. DEAN: How are ya, Lane? LANE: Only as good as my last sale, Dean. RORY: Ignore her, she's lost her mind. DEAN: Got it. So, uh, what are you doing? RORY: We're going over to Sissy's to buy some shoes. LANE: And pick up a job application. RORY: You will now face the wall quietly please. DEAN: Well, after you're done shoe shopping, come by my softball game. RORY: Oh, well . DEAN: You haven't been to a game in awhile. RORY: I know, but . DEAN: You said you missed seeing them. RORY: I do, but I thought we were getting together tonight. DEAN: We are. RORY: Well, then I should really get my philosophy homework out of the way. DEAN: Do it at the game. RORY: My homework? DEAN: Yeah. RORY: But if I'm doing my homework, doesn't that defeat the point of going to see you play? DEAN: You can't glance up in between nihilistic theories? RORY: I can, but what's the point? DEAN: What? RORY: Why don't I do my homework at home and I will go see you play next week. DEAN: Well, I . RORY: I promise I'll be there. DEAN: Okay, sure. RORY: Great, so, tonight? DEAN: Yeah, I'll be by at seven. RORY: Okay. So, have a good game. Do that pointing to the outfield thing, that's always very popular. DEAN: I will. Bye Lane. LANE: Come again soon. CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN [At the front desk, Michel is giving Lorelai some papers to sign.] MICHEL: Here and here. LORELAI: What . MICHEL: Cleaning supply order. Here. LORELAI: That's the . MICHEL: Staff insurance forms. Initial here, date it here. LORELAI: And I just . MICHEL: You just okayed the vaccination of all those filthy ducks in the south pond. LORELAI: Oh, aren't I nice. MICHEL: Yes, a regular Dr. Dolittle. [Michel's mother walks into the inn] GISELLE: Uh! Michel! MICHEL: Zeelee! GISELLE: Ah! Mon dieu, you are gorgeous! Come, come! Embrassez maman! MICHEL: Maman, j'aime ton visite. What are you doing here? I was going to pick you up at the airport, you wicked creature. GISELLE: I had to come early. I wanted to buy presents before I see you since I know you are a materialistic vulture. All right, back up. Turn turn turn. Thank God I have the perfect son. If you had been ugly, I don't know what I would've done. MICHEL: Boarding school? GISELLE: In Switzerland. MICHEL: Come. Lorelai, this is my mother, Giselle. LORELAI: Well, it's very nice to meet you. GISELLE: Oh my God, those eyes. Are they real? LORELAI: Yes, they are. GISELLE: Well, then, if there's a God, he is terribly cruel to bestow those eyes and that face to one person. LORELAI: I'm sorry, can you be my mom, too? MICHEL: I'm going to show her around, okay? LORELAI: Yeah, make sure you see Sookie. MICHEL: Why? LORELAI: Sookie wants to meet your mom. GISELLE: Yes, Michel, I must meet your friends. I did not raise you to be rude. MICHEL: You did, too. GISELLE: I did, didn't I? Come, show me off. MICHEL: Oh, have you been using those free weights I sent you? GISELLE: Yes, they hold down my papers beautifully. MICHEL: A lazy, silly woman. GISELLE: A cruel and vicious boy, I'm so proud. CUT TO CHILTON [Rory and Richard walk down the hall toward a classroom] RORY: I really appreciate you doing this, Grandpa. RICHARD: Oh, well, of course. RORY: I mean, I know you weren't really thrilled with the idea. RICHARD: No, no, no, no, that's not true. RORY: But I told everybody to have their idea pitches prepared so that we can get you in and out of there as quickly as possible. RICHARD: Rory, this is an assignment. We will give it the time that it requires. RORY: Okay. RICHARD: However, efficient is always best. RORY: I totally understand. [they walk into the classroom] RORY: Hey. Everyone, this is my grandfather, Richard Gilmore. This is Louise, Madeline, Paris, Brad, and Chip. RICHARD: Nice to meet you all. RORY: So, do you wanna say a few words before we start? RICHARD: Uh, oh, no no no, I'm here to advise. I'll uh. . .I'll sit back here and observe and advise, uh, if necessary. RORY: Okay. So I guess we can start with the idea pitches. Who wants to go first? LOUISE: I will. RORY: Okay, Louise has the floor. LOUISE: I couldn't find my new lip gloss this morning. I had just bought it and it's the perfect shade of pink. Plus, it has this major shine with minor stickiness, meaning no fear of your hair attaching itself to your face when the wind kicks up. MADELINE: A coup. LOUISE: I know. So, of course, fifteen minutes later, tardy and glossless, I left the house and I had to rely on Madeline for my source of lip color for the day. Not an ideal solution. MADELINE: Major skin tone mismatch. PARIS: I'm sorry, group leader, could you ask the Pigeon sisters if there is a point to this opus? RORY: Louise, what's your idea? LOUISE: A lipstick Lo-Jack. RORY: Excuse me? LOUISE: A lipstick tracking device. You attach it to a tube and you hook it up to a remote and next time you're searching, you just point and shoot. MADELINE: I'd buy one. RORY: Okay, um, Louise, that's a very interesting idea, but I think we should think of something that appeals to both boys and girls. Anyone else? MADELINE: Okay, I've got one a locker robot. It would talk and tell you facts, help you with your homework, carry your stuff. And you could fit it in your locker until you're ready to go home. RORY: Okay, but that means that we would actually have to build a robot. MADELINE: Yes, we would. RORY: Who knows how to do that? MADELINE: I don't know. He looks like he should know. BRAD: I've never built a robot. LOUISE: But you've tried, haven't you? BRAD: Yes, I have. RORY: Okay, let's just try to keep the ideas down to things that we can actually accomplish. And I guess Paris is next. PARIS: The average teenager spends seven hours a day at school. Seven hours where he or she is busy walking from class to class indoors, outdoors, in all types of weather. At the same time, that same teenager is going through major physical changes within his or her own body. The combo of the action with the environment in addition to the hormonal imbalance can only lead to one thing accidents. MADELINE: What are you talking about? PARIS: Monday morning, Muffin wakes up and looks in the mirror. Oh no, I have a zit on my face. I'll just look down when I walk so hunky football player won't notice.' And bam Muffin smacks right into the cafeteria wall. Ouch, that's gotta hurt. MADELINE: Who's Muffin? PARIS: This is why I'm proposing manufacturing something that no teenager should be without a first aid kit. LOUISE: A first aid kit? PARIS: Specially designed to fit in a locker with minimum space disruption. Bandaids, antiseptic, cotton balls, q-tips, ace bandages, aspirin. RORY: I don't know, it's possible. Does anyone have any questions about it? RICHARD: They sell these things in every drug store, do they not? PARIS: Yes, they do. RICHARD: There's also a registered nurse on every campus. Her office would contain the products that you're talking about, correct? PARIS: Possibly. RICHARD: Well, what makes you think you can get a young person to spend good money on something that they could get for free, or at least at a lower cost? PARIS: Because I know one thing about the modern teenager. RICHARD: And what is that? PARIS: That you can get them to buy anything as long as it comes in a leopard print. LOUISE: True. MADELINE: Very true. PARIS: We get them with style. We dress up the kits with sparkles, colors, pictures of bands. Sport themes for the boys, animal pictures for the puppy and unicorn bunch, chess boards for the Bobby Fischer freaks a style for every taste. Plus, we use neon bandaids, pink or blue gauze for the bandages, anything that seems young or flashy or bright. RICHARD: And that is how you intend to set the business world on its ear? PARIS: That's right. RICHARD: Tricked out first aid kits? PARIS: For the locker. RICHARD: And you really think that's going to work? PARIS: Yes, I do. RICHARD: So do I. PARIS: Really? RICHARD: It's perfect. It's simple, it's easy to produce, the possibilities are endless. I love it. RORY: Well, I think we've got our product. RICHARD: Now, we need to go through this point by point. PARIS: Okay, let's do it. RICHARD: Now, the secret to a great campaign is a great idea. Now, we've got that, let's move on to finances. Um, uh, do any of you have dinner plans, because we're gonna be here for awhile. Let's all turn to page four. Here we go. Now, the January projections. . . CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is sitting on the couch reading as Rory walks through the front door. The phone is ringing] LORELAI: Agh! RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Gah! RORY: Mom! [answers phone] Hello? [hangs up] That ringing is not in your head, you know. LORELAI: Uh, you've gotta read this Motley Crue book. I swear, you get to the point where Ozzy Osbourne snorts a row of ants and you think, it cannot get any grosser, and then you turn the page and oh, hello, yes it can! It's excellent! RORY: Why didn't you answer the phone? LORELAI: Because I firmly believe that once you've experienced something five thousand times, you need to move on. RORY: What are you talking about? LORELAI: I knew who it was. RORY: Who was it? LORELAI: The same person who's called the machine so many times now that I actually heard it sigh. RORY: Dean? LORELAI: Dean the determined. RORY: Oh man. [phone rings] LORELAI: Five bucks says I know who that is. RORY: [answers phone] Hello? RICHARD: Rory, it's your grandfather. RORY: Oh, hey Grandpa. LORELAI: He did that on purpose. RICHARD: I'd like to discuss tomorrow's meeting. RORY: Okay. RICHARD: I was thinking that we should relocate. RORY: Midtown? RICHARD: Here. RORY: Your house? RICHARD: It'll be more comfortable with infinitely better snacks. RORY: Yeah, that sounds great. RICHARD: Wonderful. I'll call the group. RORY: Okay, well, then I guess I'll see you tomorrow. RICHARD: Tomorrow. RORY: Bye. [hangs up] LORELAI: What'd he want? RORY: He wanted to move the location of our meeting to his house tomorrow and to cost you five bucks. LORELAI: So that's going well, huh, Grandpa doing that thing with you at school? RORY: Yeah, I think he's having fun with it. LORELAI: See? Did your brilliant mother call it or what? RORY: Yes, she did. LORELAI: You're damn lucky to have that magnificent woman in your life, you know that, don't you? RORY: It's whispered in my ear every night when I'm about to go to sleep. LORELAI: Well, you won't let me write it in your underwear anymore. Hey, check the machine so I can erase the messages. RORY: Oh, right. LORELAI: Agh! DEAN: [on answering machine] Hey, it's me. Uh, it's four o'clock, call me when you got home. [beep] Hey, uh, it's four thirty. I'm home, call me. [beep] It's quarter to five where are you? I'll try paging you. [beep] It's five-thirty. Did you get my page? Call with the answer. RORY: They are not all from him. DEAN: [on answering machine] Hey, I totally forgot you were getting home at six. LORELAI: And yet, oddly, even after remembering that information. . . DEAN: [on answering machine] Hey, it's five forty-five and I just thought I'd see if you got home early. LORELAI: I swear, that boy would make a good drinking game. RORY: This is crazy. Ten messages? LORELAI: Plus the four that I took from him personally before I stopped answering the phone. RORY: Right. LORELAI: Honey, you gotta ease up on that love potion you've been giving him or he's gonna start showing up at David Letterman's house soon. RORY: Ugh. LORELAI: What's the matter? RORY: Fourteen messages. LORELAI: Yeah, so, it's a little . RORY: It's a little too much. LORELAI: So, what's up? Are you guys fighting or something? RORY: What are you talking about? LORELAI: I mean, did something happen to set off the phone craze? RORY: No, everything's been fine, everything's been calm. No more incidents, I don't get it. LORELAI: Well, if I had to guess, I would say he's feeling a little insecure about something. RORY: But why? LORELAI: Rory. RORY: But I spend every free moment with him, I call him, I page him. LORELAI: I know, you've been good. RORY: And nothing seems to be enough, nothing seems to make things normal again. LORELAI: Give it some time. RORY: I just want things to be the way they were. LORELAI: Oh, honey, relationships are hard. Sometimes you go through a weird patch and things get funky for a little while, but just give it a chance. Ride it out, things will calm down again. RORY: I hope so. I'm gonna erase the messages. CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN [Lorelai is at the front desk as Michel and his mother walk into the inn laughing] GISELLE: Oh, stop it, stop making me laugh! You are trying to kill me! You are trying to make your mother laugh herself to death so you can get away with a grisly crime. MICHEL: Your mind is evil. GISELLE: Your soul is empty. MICHEL: You want some coffee, Zeelee? GISELLE: Yes, darling, thank you. MICHEL: I'll be right back. GISELLE: Ah, hello, blue eyes. LORELAI: Hi Giselle. How was lunch? GISELLE: Ah, champagne, caviar, the usual. LORELAI: Ah, sure. GISELLE: And then came out the pasta with terrible things in it. It was perfect. LORELAI: You seem to be having a wonderful time. GISELLE: I am. I will miss him so much when I go home, but thank goodness, he will have an extra five pounds to remember me by after eating all my pasta today, that dirty thieving boy. LORELAI: Michel ate pasta? GISELLE: Well, yes. Michel loves pasta, he eats it all the time. LORELAI: Not around us. Here it's all no-carb, low-cal, let me see if I can eat less than the lab rats do. GISELLE: Lab rats? LORELAI: Better not explained. Anyway, I'm glad you've got him eating pasta, he seems really happy. MICHEL: Coffee, coffee, coffee. GISELLE: Oh, mm, mm. This is horrible. MICHEL: You will drink it and you will like it. GISELLE: You are a curse. MICHEL: Let's go shop. GISELLE: Oh yes, let's go buy something completely useless and pay way too much money for it. MICHEL: I love it. GISELLE: Au revoir. MICHEL: Au revoir. LORELAI: That is so wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Rory, Louise, Madeline, Brad and Chip walk to the front door] RORY: We should've waited for Paris. LOUISE: Hey, she's the one who threw a fit about leaving no later than 3:10. RORY: But she could be standing outside the school right now waiting for us. MADELINE: She has my cell number. LOUISE: I thought you lost your phone. MADELINE: I did. Oh. RORY: We'll call her when we get inside. [rings doorbell] BRAD: Tell her I wanted to wait, okay? [Paris answers the door] RORY: Paris. PARIS: Hey, you're right on time. Come on in. RORY: Uh, okay. RICHARD: In the dining room, everyone. RORY: Wow. RICHARD: Welcome, everyone, to the first official board meeting of the StyleAid Corporation. Will everyone please take a seat? CHIP: I feel like Ivan Bosky. RICHARD: Rory, you are group leader which translates into chairman of the board, which means you sit at the head of the table. RORY: But that's where you sit. RICHARD: No, not today. Come on. Now, at this point, I would like to turn the meeting over to Paris who will bring us up to date on our latest developments. PARIS: Thank you, Richard. First, let me say that I'm glad to see you all here today, at the beginning of what I think is going to be a very exciting experiment. BRAD: She doesn't have a baseball bat in her hands, does she? PARIS: Now, I'd like everyone to turn to page one in your presentation booklets. Hey, we haven't gotten to the pencil part yet. BRAD: Oh, sorry. PARIS: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the RX-2002. LOUISE: Nice. RORY: Very nice. PARIS: Now, listed in front of you are all the contents contained in the RX-2002, plus the additional style options, twelve in all. Every one of them waterproof, fireproof, and comes with a five-year warranty. RICHARD: Which is longer than most of your high school careers. PARIS: He is funny. RICHARD: Now there is also a deluxe model with extra features designed to personalize your kit even more specifically for your needs. There will be a snap-in CD case which can hold up to ten CDs, there's a lighted vanity mirror, and a divided compartment for makeup and knickknacks. A picture frame and a hidden mini vault for valuables which can be locked for safety. PARIS: Terrific idea, Richard, really top notch. RICHARD: Thank you, Paris. RORY: This is really amazing. I want one of these. RICHARD: Exactly the point. Now, let's check in with our marketing department. Uh, Madeline, Louise what have you got for us? MADELINE: Okay, well, first we go for the obvious magazines. LOUISE: You know, Teen, Young Miss, Seventeen. MADELINE: Spin and Rolling Stone, especially to hit the guys. RICHARD: I hear that Jane magazine also has a young, hip following. RORY: How do you know about Jane magazine? RICHARD: I have my ways, young lady. CHIP: We should also check about placing them in certain mall stores. RICHARD: I also think we should go straight to the source. PARIS: The schools? RICHARD: Why not? School bulletin boards, websites. We can set up tables at football games and pep rallies. EMILY: Well, how is everyone doing here? RICHARD: Just fine, Emily. EMILY: Good. Is there enough food? RICHARD: Yes, there is plenty of food. EMILY: What about ice cream? Would anyone like some ice cream? RICHARD: Emily, we're in the middle of a business meeting. EMILY: Oh, ah, well, I'm very sorry. Uh, go back to your business meeting. RICHARD: Now, I think your projections for. . . EMILY: [to Rory] He's smiling. RORY: I know. EMILY: He's smiling and there's no oil on the carpet. RORY: Life is good. EMILY: Yes, it is. RICHARD: Emily, please. EMILY: I'm going, I'm going. PARIS: Richard, do you have the third-year projections? RICHARD: Well, yes, Paris, I do. I have them right here. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai pulls up to the house. Dean is washing Rory's car.] LORELAI: Dean. DEAN: Hey. LORELAI: Hey, how's it going? DEAN: Uh, just washing Rory's car. LORELAI: I can see that. DEAN: Well, I mean, I came by to see her and she wasn't here, so I was just gonna wait on the porch but then I noticed that her car looked dirty, so I thought I'd wash it. LORELAI: Mm hmm. DEAN: Well, cause sometimes things can get on your car like dirt and certain kinds of sap. It can get into your paint, makes it really hard to get off. LORELAI: Sure. DEAN: Even water spots, you know. . .after it rains, that can be a real problem. LORELAI: Okay. Would you like a soda? DEAN: No, I'm fine. LORELAI: Let's go get a soda. DEAN: But I have to wash . LORELAI: Put the squirty water thing down and come on in the kitchen. Squirty thing down. . . that's it. . .come on. CUT TO LORELAI'S KITCHEN [Dean and Lorelai walk through the back door] DEAN: Look, I really didn't mean to bother you. I can just wait outside until Rory gets home. LORELAI: Honey, Rory's working on her school project today. DEAN: Oh yeah. I guess I forgot. I mean, she must've told me that she . . . I'm sorry, I forgot. LORELAI: That's okay. DEAN: So, I'll just go. LORELAI: No no, come here, just sit down for a sec, okay? Are you all right? DEAN: Yeah, I'm fine. I just don't remember Rory telling me about her studying today. I swear I wouldn't have come over. LORELAI: Can I maybe give you a little advice? DEAN: Sure. LORELAI: Okay. First, I just wanna tell you I think you are a great guy. You're so good to Rory. And even though I'd always hoped that she'd be the one girl in the world who wouldn't look at a boy until she was thirty-eight, I'm really glad she found you. DEAN: Thanks. LORELAI: And I know things have been a little off between you two lately. DEAN: Did she say that? LORELAI: No, I'm saying that. I can see it, and by the way, I get it. But sometimes when things are out of whack, it freaks us out a little and makes us feel like we're losing something that's really important and that scares us even more so we try really hard to hold onto whatever it is we think we're losing and sometimes we hold on a little too hard. DEAN: Too hard? LORELAI: Like calling ten times in a three hour period, too hard. DEAN: Fourteen times. LORELAI: Okay, now, see, I was gonna let you slide but hey an honest man, I like that. DEAN: You think I'm holding on too hard to Rory? LORELAI: I don't think you mean to. DEAN: You think I'm losing her? LORELAI: I think you think you are. DEAN: Well, I just feel like nothing I do is. . . you know, I just want things back the way they used to be. LORELAI: I know you do, and they can be. DEAN: How? LORELAI: I know it sounds crazy but sometimes giving people a little bit of space is actually the best thing to do. DEAN: Space? LORELAI: Just a little. DEAN: Like what? Like don't call her, don't see her? LORELAI: No, just let her breathe, let her relax, let her come to you for a change. DEAN: You're not telling me this to get rid of me, are you? LORELAI: Please, if I was trying to get rid of you I would've started this conversation with, Let me tell you about my family'. I'm not telling you this to get rid of you, I'm telling you because I think it might help things between you guys. Just try it. If it doesn't work, I promise you can wash my car, too. DEAN: Okay. LORELAI: Do you want a soda? DEAN: No, thanks. I'm gonna go. Uh, don't tell Rory I was here, okay? LORELAI: Hey, I'm just sitting here at the table talking to myself. . .again. DEAN: Thanks. LORELAI: Bye Dean. CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN [Sookie is in the kitchen on the phone as Lorelai walks in] SOOKIE: You know what, forget it! If that's how you run your business, then I deserve this for picking you in the first place. I hate you! [hangs up] LORELAI: Hey. SOOKIE: Okay, new plan for the invites. We're getting married May fifteenth, four o'clock, front lawn pass it on. LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: That's it, word of mouth. They used it for the Revolutionary War who the hell am I to poopoo history, huh? I ask you. [Michel enters the kitchen] MICHEL: What the hell is wrong with you? LORELAI: With me? MICHEL: Yes, you! Are you out of your mind? LORELAI: What are you talking about? MICHEL: Why in God's name would you tell my mother that I do not eat carbs? LORELAI: Because you don't. MICHEL: That is private information, private about me. LORELAI: Michel, everybody in Stars Hollow knows you don't eat carbs. MICHEL: So what? LORELAI: Calm down, have some toast. MICHEL: Do not talk to my mother ever again, do you understand me? LORELAI: No, I don't understand. Michel, you and your mother seem crazy about each other. I just assumed since you gave up carbs a year ago, she knew. MICHEL: Yes, well, you know what happens when you assume. LORELAI: What? MICHEL: I don't know. Something about a donkey it's a stupid American phrase. LORELAI: I don't understand, Michel. You and your mother seem to have the perfect relationship. MICHEL: Yes, because I tell her nothing. We keep all subjects light and fluffy. We talk about clothes and food and Posh Spice and David Beckham and that is all. Nothing of value, nothing of substance. LORELAI: I'm sorry. MICHEL: Now she knows I've been hiding something from her. Suddenly she's asking questions. Why did I leave France at eighteen? Where do I go at night? Who are my friends? What do they do? Where do they live? Why have I chosen this career? On and on and on and on it never ends! I can't stand it, she's a complete pain. She won't stop. I took a six hour bath last night just to escape the incessant nagging. You did this to me! You turned my Giselle into a mother, and I hate you for it! I hate you very, very much! [leaves] SOOKIE: So, feel better now? LORELAI: Yeah, I do, thanks. SOOKIE: Mm hmm. CUT TO CHILTON BUSINESS FAIR [All of the student's projects are displayed on tables throughout the auditorium] PARIS: Okay, I swept the room and I have to tell you, all sad. I think we're a lock. RORY: Really? I actually thought the locker alarm was pretty good. PARIS: Please, no one even looks when a car alarm goes off. How effective do you think a locker alarm s going to be? Nope, I feel it, we are it. What's the word? RICHARD: Every single idea in this room is completely worthless. PARIS: Yes. RICHARD: There's a lot of wasted cardboard in here, my friend. PARIS: We are going to win. RICHARD: Yes, we are. RORY: Okay, the two of you need to take a time out. HEADMASTER: Richard? Richard, hello. RICHARD: Hanlin, good to see you. HEADMASTER: What are you doing here? RICHARD: Well, I'm actually advising Rory on her business project the RX-2002. HEADMASTER: Oh, well, that's wonderful. You look great. RICHARD: I feel great. HEADMASTER: We don't see you at the club that much anymore. RICHARD: No, I've been very busy lately. HEADMASTER: Now, did I hear correctly did you retire? RICHARD: Right before Christmas. HEADMASTER: So it's true. I told it to Bitty and I couldn't believe it when we heard that. RICHARD: Well, a man can't work forever. HEADMASTER: No, that's true. I just can't picture you retired. RICHARD: It's been wonderful lately. Best move I've ever made. It's given me a lot of time to do a lot of wonderful things. HEADMASTER: Well, that does sound nice. What kinds of things are you doing? RICHARD: Well, this. HEADMASTER: Well, there you go. Unfortunately, some of us aren't living the good life quite yet. I've got to get back. It's been wonderful seeing you, Richard. Let's have dinner soon. RICHARD: I would like that very much. HEADMASTER: I'll have Bitty give Em a call. RICHARD: You do that. PARIS: Did you see the brilliant hose hook idea over at table five? A hook on your belt for your garden hose. There's a Buster Keaton routine waiting to happen. RICHARD: So how are we doing? RORY: Paris is practicing spiking the football then doing a backflip. RICHARD: Well. HEADMASTER: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, all the projects have now been reviewed. PARIS: Here we go. HEADMASTER: And before we announce the winner, I must commend everyone for their fine work. There are many, many good ideas here today. It makes me proud. PARIS: Move it along, padre. HEADMASTER: Now I'd like to announce the winner table 10, Miss Traster's class with the locker alarm. RICHARD: I don't understand, how is that possible? PARIS: This is so lame. That alarm doesn't even work, I was just over there. RICHARD: This is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard. RORY: Grandpa, it doesn't matter. RICHARD: It certainly does matter. You've all put in an extraordinary amount of time and effort and thought into this project. It deserved to win. PARIS: Yeah. RORY: Well, I wanted to win too, but we didn't. RICHARD: I'm going to talk to the headmaster about this. RORY: I wish you wouldn't. RICHARD: You were robbed, Rory, and I'm not going to sit back and simply watch it happen. [walks over to headmaster] Hanlin, good, I want a word with you. HEADMASTER: Is something wrong? RICHARD: This contest is a disgrace. HEADMASTER: I beg your pardon? RICHARD: I have been in the business world for thirty-five years. HEADMASTER: I know this. RICHARD: And in those thirty-five years, I've seen ideas come and I've seen ideas go, and I've learned a few things about what flies and what doesn't. HEADMASTER: I'm sure you have. RICHARD: I am telling you that out there in the real world, there is no way that a locker alarm that doesn't even work properly would be a viable business investment. HEADMASTER: Richard, we're not in the real world, we are in a school. RICHARD: Yes, a school that should be training children for the real world. HEADMASTER: Richard, calm down. RICHARD: I demand a recount. HEADMASTER: Very well. I just recounted, the alarm still wins. RICHARD: Hanlin! HEADMASTER: Richard, your project was very good. It was definitely in the running. You should be proud. RICHARD: This is not my project, this is their project, the children's project. HEADMASTER: Really? RICHARD: Yes! This has nothing to do with me, it's for the children! HEADMASTER: But they're not the ones who are causing the public scene right now, you are. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai and Rory pull up and walk to the front door] RORY: It was awful. He looked so upset. His face was turning red and he was practically shaking. LORELAI: Hey, did you notice when he gets mad he gets taller? RORY: Mom. LORELAI: I don't know how he does it but he actually grows. RORY: Stop. LORELAI: The day I told him I was pregnant, twenty-four feet tall. It freaked the birds. RORY: Hey, I'm upset here. LORELAI: Honey, you did nothing. You went to your grandfather, who you greatly admire and actually like hanging out with, to ask for his help and advice. That's lovely and thoughtful. RORY: Please help me out tonight no mention of work or Chilton or school or retirement. LORELAI: Nothing but politics and religion, got it. EMILY: [opens door] Hello girls. LORELAI: Hi Mom. RORY: Hi Grandma. EMILY: Come in, come in. Dinner's almost ready. Richard, the girls are here. Richard? He came home today, didn't say a word, stomped off to his study, slammed the door, and he's been holed up in there ever since. RORY: Really? EMILY: I can't even get him to answer me. LORELAI: Well, are you sure he's still in there? EMILY: Of course he's still in there. The door's right there. I would've seen if he came out. LORELAI: Sorry. EMILY: Not everyone leaves this house by climbing out the window and jumping into a waiting hot rod. RORY: Maybe someone should go talk to him. EMILY: I don't know what to do. What on earth happened today? RORY: Things didn't go very well at the business fair. EMILY: What happened? LORELAI: It was terrible the tenth graders staged a hostile takeover of the eleventh graders. RORY: Our project didn't win and Grandpa took it badly. EMILY: Well, I am at my wit's end if that man is going to fall apart over a high school project. LORELAI: It's just a weird time for him, Mom. RORY: I feel so awful. LORELAI: Maybe he should go talk to somebody. EMILY: Like whom? LORELAI: Like a psychiatrist? EMILY: What? LORELAI: Well, maybe it would help. EMILY: We do not go to psychiatrists. LORELAI: Mom, there's nothing wrong with getting help. EMILY: Lorelai Gilmore, are you seriously suggesting that your father go to a complete stranger and talk about his personal life? LORELAI: Lots of people swear by it. EMILY: Yes, disturbed people, deviants, people with multiple personalities who see things and hear talking to them and roam the streets talking to themselves and licking parking meters. LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: Next thing you know, you'll be suggesting I go to a psychiatrist. LORELAI: Too many comebacks I cannot pick. EMILY: Richard, is that you? RICHARD: Of course it's me. Oh Rory, you're here, wonderful. Hello Lorelai. LORELAI: Hey. RICHARD: Well, I am starving. What's for dinner? EMILY: What's for dinner? What do you mean, what's for dinner? RICHARD: Well, I thought the question was relatively clear, but I'd be glad to rephrase it for you. Eh, what sort of food products will appear on various plates this evening? EMILY: Richard Gilmore, you come home in a huff and you lock yourself in that study all afternoon. . . RICHARD: Well, I had a lot of thinking to do, a lot of thinking. I owe that to you young lady. RORY: I'm sorry. RICHARD: You should certainly not be sorry. EMILY: Richard, what put that roll down and explain yourself! RICHARD: This whole week, this whole experience with Rory and the locker first aid kit that is a damn good idea, by the way, no matter what those yarnheads at that school of yours say. Anyway, this whole week made me realize something I don't want to be retired. EMILY: You what? RICHARD: I don't like it. I hate it, as a matter of fact. LORELAI: But Dad . RICHARD: It's boring. I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. And frankly, I am tired of trying to find something to fill up my time. RORY: So what are you going to do? RICHARD: I am going to work. EMILY: Are you thinking about asking for your job back? RICHARD: Oh, God no! No no no no no no. I have decided to go into business for myself. LORELAI: Wow. EMILY: What? RORY: Cool. RICHARD: It is cool, isn't it? EMILY: But what are you going to do? RICHARD: Well, I'm not sure yet. Perhaps I'll consult, maybe take on a partner, maybe I'll even teach. LORELAI: What? RICHARD: Well, you don't have to say it like that. LORELAI: Sorry. What? RICHARD: I think thirty five years of experience will qualify me to teach a course or two at that local business college of yours. LORELAI: Oh my God. It's Who's the Boss, the later years. EMILY: Richard, are you serious about this? RICHARD: As a heart attack. EMILY: But, but . RICHARD: I haven't felt this good in a very long time, Emily. I have the buzz, and I owe it all to you. RORY: Glad to be of service. EMILY: He's going to teach. LORELAI: Or consult. EMILY: Or consult. LORELAI: So licking a parking meter is just around the corner. CUT TO INSIDE JEEP [That night, Lorelai and Rory are driving home] LORELAI: Okay, that dinner was good. RORY: All of Grandma's dinners are good. LORELAI: I know, but this one had the rolls. RORY: Aw, those were excellent rolls. LORELAI: Weren't they? Hot and buttery with that split top thing going on. I miss the rolls. RORY: Well, she can make more next week. LORELAI: That's okay. I got four in my purse. RORY: You do not. LORELAI: Go ahead and check. RORY: Have you no shame? LORELAI: Ha! [Rory's pager goes off] LORELAI: Ah, who's that? RORY: It's Dean. LORELAI: Really? How many pages does that make for today? RORY: Just one. LORELAI: You're kidding. RORY: In two days. LORELAI: Wow! RORY: I know. He hasn't called or mysteriously appeared by my side or anything. LORELAI: Hmm, maybe he's calming down. RORY: I hope so. I actually got a chance to miss him today. LORELAI: That sounds good. RORY: It is good. LORELAI: Do you wanna grab my cell phone and give him a call? RORY: Oh, no, tomorrow's fine. LORELAI: Are you sure? It's still early. You guys could hook up for a little while. RORY: I'm hanging out with Lane tonight. LORELAI: Lane? RORY: Yeah, we have some serious CD listening to do. We're way behind on all the Elvis Costello reissues coming out. LORELAI: I didn't think Lane could hang out past nine. RORY: Her mom's at an antique fair in Woodbury until Sunday, and her grandmother's staying with her but she's asleep by six so we thought we'd be really bad and sneak out to Luke's. LORELAI: You're going to Luke's? RORY: Yeah, maybe. LORELAI: Honey, why go to Luke's? Um, I mean, you just had ten rolls. RORY: No, you had ten rolls, and I don't even know if we'll go to Luke's. It's just a maybe. LORELAI: Okay, okay. Well, you guys have fun. [they pull up to Lane's house and Rory gets out of the car] RORY: Okay, see you later. LORELAI: Sure you don't wanna call Dean? RORY: Nope, tomorrow's fine. LORELAI: Yeah, tomorrow's fine. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai pulls up to the house and finds Dean sitting on her front porch] LORELAI: Dean. DEAN: She likes Jess, doesn't she?

Rory asks Richard for help in creating and marketing a first-aid kit for Chilton's annual Business Fair, which leads him to realize that he is unhappy in retirement and wants to start a second career; fresh from having underbid on Rory's lunch basket and the loss of the bracelet he made for her, Dean goes overboard in trying to be close to Rory, afraid that she is losing interest in him, and finally becomes resigned to her affection for Jess; at first, Michel is ecstatic when his flamboyant mother Giselle visits, but after Lorelai causes problems for him when she reveals to Giselle that Michel has been holding back from his mother, Michel quickly is driven crazy by his mother's incessant questioning.

fd_Game_of_Thrones_01x01

fd_Game_of_Thrones_01x01_0

[First scene opens with three Rangers riding through a tunnel, leaving the Wall, and going into the woods. (Eerie music in background) One Ranger splits off and finds a campsite full of mutilated bodies, including a child hanging from a tree branch. A birds-eye view shows the bodies arranged in a shield-like pattern. The Ranger rides back to the other two.] WAYMAR ROYCE: What d'you expect? They're savages. One lot steals a goat from another lot and before you know it, they're ripping each other to pieces. WILL: I've never seen wildlings do a thing like this. I've never seen a thing like this, not ever in my life. WAYMAR ROYCE: How close did you get? WILL: Close as any man would. GARED: We should head back to the wall. ROYCE: Do the dead frighten you? GARED: Our orders were to track the wildlings. We tracked them. They won't trouble us no more. ROYCE: You don't think he'll ask us how they died? Get back on your horse. [GARED grumbles.] WILL: Whatever did it to them could do it to us. They even killed the children. ROYCE: It's a good thing we're not children. You want to run away south, run away. Of course, they will behead you as a deserter ... If I don't catch you first. Get back on your horse. I won't say it again. [WILL glares, but obeys. Sometime later, the three Rangers return to the campsite, which is now completely cleared.] ROYCE: Your dead men seem to have moved camp. WILL: They were here. GARED: See where they went. [The three look around, swords drawn. They hear the wind and eerie calls. GARED finds a red cloth in the snow.] ROYCE: What is it? GARED: It's ... [As he speaks, a CREATURE with glowing blue eyes rises behind ROYCE. ROYCE turns, the CREATURE strikes. The scene shifts to WILL, who hears a man crying out. The three horses stampede past him. He turns and sees someone standing very still in the distance. The figure turns - it's the child who had been suspended in the tree, now with glowing blue eyes. WILL turns and runs. GARED is also fleeing, and we hear strange growls and catch glimpses of the CREATURE. Both terrified RANGERS stop, some distance apart, to catch their breath. WILL sees a CREATURE behead GARED. WILL sinks to his knees and the CREATURE tosses GARED'S head to him.] [Blackout / Opening credits] [Riders from Winterfell come up behind a dazed WILL. The scene shifts to the castle, where BRAN is practicing archery and getting frustrated, under the eyes of JON SNOW and ROBB STARK. JON pats BRAN'S shoulder.] JON: Go on. Father's watching. [We see NED and CATELYN STARK watching from above.] JON: And your mother. [Scene shifts to needlework practice with the girls inside the castle.] SEPTA MORDANE (to SANSA): Fine work, as always. Well done. SANSA: Thank you. SEPTA MORDANE: I love the detail that you've managed to get in this corners. ... Quite beautiful ... the stitching ... [As she murmurs to SANSA about the embroidery, ARYA struggles with her needlework and listens to the arrows hitting and the male laughter outside.] [Outside, BRAN tries and misses again. Everyone laughs.] NED: And which one of you was a marksman at ten? Keep practicing, Bran. Go on. JON: Don't think too much, Bran. ROBB: Relax your bow arm. [BRAN pulls the arrow back. An arrow hits the bullseye. BRAN (still with his arrow), JON, and ROBB turn in surprise to see ARYA, who curtsies after her perfect shot. ROBB and JON laugh as Bran takes out after ARYA.] JON/ROBB: Quick, Bran, faster! [RODRICK CASSEL and THEON GREYJOY approach NED and CATELYN on the balcony.] CASSEL: Lord Stark. My lady. A guardsman just rode in from the hills. They've captured a deserter from the Night's Watch. [NED grimaces.] NED: Get the lads to saddle their horses. [THEON departs.] CATELYN: Do you have to? NED: He swore an oath, Cat. CASSEL: The law is law, my lady. NED: Tell Bran he's coming, too. [CASSEL nods and departs.] CATELYN: Ned. Ten is too young to see such things. NED: He won't be a boy forever. And winter is coming. [NED departs. In the courtyard, ROBB and JON gather the arrows. CATELYN turns and glares down on JON. He looks at her and walks away.] ROBB: Lad, go run back and get the rest. [Scene shifts, and we see WILL being taken to the block.] WILL (muttering): White Walkers. I saw the White Walkers. White Walkers. The White Walkers, I saw them. [He and NED face each other.] WILL: I know I broke my oath. And I know I'm a deserter. I should have gone back to the Wall and warned them. But I saw what I saw. I saw the White Walkers. People need to know. If you can get word to my family, tell them I'm no coward. Tell them I'm sorry. [NED nods yes, and WILL is positioned on the tree limb that serves as a block. NED draws ice from a scabbard held by Theon.] WILL (whispering): Forgive me, lord. [NED bows his head over ICE.] NED: In the name of Robert of the House Baratheon, first of his name ... JON (to BRAN): Don't look away. NED: King of the Andals and the First Men ... JON: Father will know if you do. NED: Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and protector of the realm, I, Eddard of the House Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North, sentence you to die. [NED swings ICE and beheads WILL. BRAN does not look away.] JON: You did well. [He walks away. ROBB turns and puts his arm around BRAN and they go to their horses together. NED approaches BRAN.] NED: You understand why I did it? BRAN: Jon said he was a deserter. NED: But do you understand why I had to kill him? BRAN: Our way is the old way? NED: The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. BRAN: Is it true he saw the White Walkers? NED: The White Walkers have been gone for thousands of years. BRAN: So he was lying? NED: A madman sees what he sees. [Scene shifts to a dead stag's head. The Winterfell men gather on the bridge They see a ravaged deer before them.] JON: What is it? THEON: Mountain lion? NED: There are no mountain lions in these woods. [With swords out, they begin to search. NED finds a dead direwolf with antlers through her throat. Her pups are whimpering around her.] THEON: It's a freak. NED: It's a direwolf. [NED and CASSEL glance at each other.] NED: Tough old beast. [He pulls out the antlers.] ROBB: There are no direwolves south of the Wall. JON: Now there are five. [Jon picks up a pup and offers it to BRAN.] JON: You want to hold it? BRAN: Where will they go? Their mother's dead. CASSEL: They don't belong down here. NED: Better a quick death. They won't last without their mother. THEON: Right. Give it here. BRAN: NO! ROBB (disgustedly to THEON): Put away your blade. THEON: I take orders from your father, not you. BRAN: Please, father! NED: I'm sorry, Bran. JON: Lord Stark? There are five pups. One for each of the Stark children. The direwolf is the sigil of your House. They were meant to have them. [Everyone looks at NED, BRAN with great hope.] NED: You will train them yourselves. You will feed them yourselves. And if they die, you will bury them yourselves. [BRAN cradles his pup as JON hands more pups to ROBB.] BRAN (to JON): What about you? JON: I'm not a Stark. Get on. [JON walks away, pauses, and hears another whimper.] ROBB: What is it? [JON pulls up a white wolf pup.] THEON: The runt of the litter. That one's yours, Snow. [Scene shifts to bells ringing at Kings Landing. In front of the Iron Throne, surrounded by druidical looking celebrants, lies the body of JON ARRYN. Up in the balcony, CERSEI watches the scene below as JAIME approaches.] JAIME: As your brother, I feel it's my duty to warn you: You worry too much. It's starting to show. CERSEI: And you never worry about anything. When we were seven, you jumped off the cliffs as Casterly Rock. One hundred foot drop into the water. And you were never afraid. JAIME: There was nothing to be afraid of until you told father. [In a whisper, mimicking] We're Lannisters. Lannisters don't act like fools. CERSEI: What if Jon Arryn told someone? JAIME: But who would he tell? CERSEI: My husband. JAIME: If he told the king, both our heads would be skewered on the city gates by now. Whatever Jon Arryn knew or didn't know, it died with him. And Robert will choose a new Hand of the king, someone to do his job while he's off f*cking boars and hunting whores. Or is it the other way around? And life will go on. CERSEI: You should be the Hand of the king. JAIME: That's an honor I can do without. Their days are too long, their lives are too short. [Scene shifts to a raven approaching Winterfell. CATELYN crosses a busy courtyard and finds NED in the godswood.] CATELYN: All these years and I still feel like an outsider when I come here. NED: You have five northern children. You're not an outsider. CATELYN: I wonder if the old gods agree. NED: It's your gods with all the rules. CATELYN: I am so sorry, my love. NED: Tell me. CATELYN: There was a raven from Kings Landing. Jon Arryn is dead. A fever took him. I know he was like a father to you. NED: Your sister. The boy ... CATELYN: They both have their health. Gods be good. [pause] The raven brought more news. The king rides for Winterfell. With the queen and all the rest of them. NED: He's coming this far North, there's only one thing he's after. CATELYN: You can always say no, Ned. [Scene shifts to the Winterfell great hall where a great banquet is being prepared.] CATELYN: We need plenty of candles for Lord Tyrion's chamber. I'm told he reads all night. MAESTER LUWIN: I'm told he drinks all night. CATELYN: How much could he possibly drink? A man of his ... stature. LUWIN: We've brought up eight barrels of ale from the cellar. Perhaps we'll find out. CATELYN: In any case, candles. [Scene shifts to Robb, Theon, and Jon getting barbered.] JON: Why's your mother so dead-set on us getting pretty for the king? THEON: It's for the queen, I bet. I hear she's [sleek as a mink?] ROBB: I hear the prince is a right royal prick. THEON: Think of all those southern girls he gets to stab with his right royal prick. ROBB: Go on, Tommy, shave him good. He's never met a girl he likes better than his own hair. [Scene shifts to the royal procession approaching Winterfell. Bran sees them from his perch high atop a castle wall and clambers nimbly down to tell everyone. CATELYN and LUWIN walk to the courtyard, passing BRAN's wolf pup.] CATELYN: Gods, but they grow fast. [Seeing BRAN on the wall] Brandon! BRAN: I saw the king! He's got hundreds of people! CATELYN: How many times have I told you: No climbing! BRAN: But he's coming right now! Down our road! CATELYN: I want you to promise me: No more climbing. BRAN (looking down): I promise. CATELYN: D'you know what? BRAN: What? CATELYN: You always look at your feet before you lie. Run and find your father. Tell him the king is close. [BRAN runs off, followed by his wolf pup.] [Scene shifts to grand entry of the king's horses and men. ARYA, wearing a helm and cloak, pushes her way into a tall wagon for a better look. In rides JOFFREY, followed by the HOUND. The other Starks wait in a greeting line.] CATELYN: Where's Arya? Sansa, where's your sister? [More riders with banners. ARYA scoots past her parents to get in the receiving line.] NED: Hey,, hey, hey, hey. What are you doing with that on? [Pulls off ARYA's helm] ARYA (pushing BRAN): Move! [JOFFREY rides up, SANSA smiles at him, ROBB glares at JOFFREY. The HOUND pulls up his helm. The coach carrying CERSEI lumbers in, followed by KING ROBERT. All kneel. ROBERT heaves himself off his horse. NED looks shocked at the sight of his old friend, now fat and red-faced. ROBERT signals for all to rise and looks at NED.] NED: Your Grace. ROBERT: You've got fat. [NED gives ROBERT a "What about you?" look. They start laughing.] ROBERT: Cat! CATELYN: Your Grace. ROBERT: Nine years. Why haven't I seen you? Where the hell have you been? NED: Guarding the North for you, Your Grace. Winterfell is yours. [CERSEI and her other children descend from the coach.] ARYA: Where's the Imp? SANSA: Will you shut up? ROBERT: Who have we here? You must be Robb. (To Sansa) My, you're a pretty one. (To Arya) Your name is? ARYA: Arya. ROBERT (to BRAN) Ooh. Show us your muscles. You'll be a soldier. [JAIME removes his helm.] ARYA: That's Jaime Lannister. The queen's twin brother. SANSA: Would you please shut up. [CERSEI approaches.] NED: My queen. CATELYN: My queen. ROBERT: Take me to your crypt. I want to pay my respects. CERSEI: We've been riding for a month, my love. Surely the dead can wait. ROBERT: Ned. ARYA: Where's the Imp? [CERSEI, humiliated in front of all, walks back to JAIME.] CERSEI: Where is our brother? Go find the little beast. [Scene changes to the crypt.] NED: Tell me about Jon Arryn. ROBERT: One minute he was fine, and then ... Burned right through him, whatever it was. I loved that man. NED: We both did. ROBERT: He never had to teach you much, but me ... You remember me at 16? All I wanted to do was crack skulls and f*ck girls. He showed me what was what. NED: Aye. ROBERT: Don't look at me like that. Not his fault I didn't listen. (They laugh. ROBERT sighs.) I need you, Ned. Down at Kings Landing. Not up here, where you're no damn use to anybody. Lord Eddard Stark, I would name you the Hand of the king. [NED kneels.] NED: I'm not worthy of the honor. ROBERT: I'm not trying to honor you. I'm trying to get you to run my kingdom while I eat, drink, and whore my way to an early grave. Damn it, Ned, stand up. You helped me win the Iron Throne, now help me keep the damn thing. We were meant to rule together. If your sister had lived, we would have been bound by blood. Well, it's not too late. I have a son, you have a daughter. We'll join our Houses. [Scene changes to JAIME in the Winterfell settlement. We see Tyrion inside a whorehouse, swilling liquor and laughing as a woman pops into view after servicing him.] TYRION: Mmh. It is true what they say about the Northern girls. ROS: Did you hear the king's in Winterfell? TYRION: I did hear something about that. ROS: And the queen. And her twin brother. They say that he is the most handsome man in the Seven Kingdoms. TYRION: And the other brother? ROS: The queen has two brothers? TYRION: There's the pretty one. And there's the clever one. ROS: I hear they call him the Imp. TYRION: I hear he hates that nickname. ROS: Oh? I hear he's more than earned it. I hear he's a drunken little lecher into all manner of perversions. TYRION: Clever girl. ROS: We've been expecting you, Lord Tyrion. TYRION: Have you? TYRION: The gods gave me one blessing. [She climbs on TYRION. JAIME walks in without knocking.] JAIME: Don't get up. ROS: M'lord. TYRION: Should I explain to you the meaning of a closed door in a whorehouse, brother? JAIME: You've much to teach me, no doubt. But our sister craves your attention. TYRION: She has odd cravings, our sister. JAIME: A family trait. Now, the Starks are feasting us at sundown. Don't leave me alone with these people. TYRION: I'm sorry, I've begun the feast a bit early. And this is the first of many courses. JAIME: I thought you might say that. But since we're short on time, (he opens the door; a bevy of whores enter and descend on TYRION) Come on, girls. See you at sundown. [JAIME leaves.] TYRION: Close the door! [Scene changes to the Winterfell crypt, at Lyanna's tomb. Robert places a feather in the hand of her statue.] ROBERT: Did you have to bury her in a place like this? She should be on a hill somewhere with the sun and the clouds above her. NED: She was my sister. This is where she belongs. ROBERT: She belonged with me. [He touches Lyanna's face.] ROBERT: In my dreams, I kill him every night. NED: It's done, Your Grace. The Targaryens are gone. ROBERT: Not all of them. [Scene shifts to Daenerys on a balcony in Pentos, across the Narrow Sea.] VISERYS (off camera): Daenerys! [He enters a large chamber.] VISERYS: Daenerys! There's our bride to be! Look - a gift from Illyrio. Touch it. Come on. Feel the fabric. Mmmm. Isn't he a gracious host? DAENERYS: We've been his guests for over a year and he's never asked us for anything. VISERYS: Illyrio is no fool. He knows I won't forget my friends when I come into my throne. You still slouch. Let me see. (He pulls off her gown.) You have a woman's body now. (She endures it as he strokes her breast.) I need you to be perfect today. Can you do that for me? You don't want to wake the dragon, do you? DAENERYS: No. [VISERYS nods and starts to leave the chamber. He turns.] VISERYS: When they write the history of my reign, sweet sister, they will say it began today. [Daenerys turns and steps into a steaming hot bath with a despairing look on her face.] MAID: It's too hot, my lady. [SCENE_BREAK] [But DAENERYS keeps stepping deeper. The scene shifts to ILLYRIOS, DAENERYS, AND VISERYS outside the mansion, awaiting Khal Drogo.] VISERYS: Where is he? ILLYRIO: The Dothraki are not known for their punctuality. [A host of Dothraki come riding up. Khal Drogo wheels his stallion into the front.] ILLYRIO: (Greets them in Dothraki.) May I present my honored guests? Viserys of House Targaryen, the third of his name. The rightful King of the Andals and the First Men. And his sister, Daenerys, of the House Targaryen. VISERYS (to DAENERYS) Do you see how long his hair is? When Dothraki are defeated in combat, they cut off their braid so the whole world can see their shame. Khal Drogo has never been defeated. He's a savage, of course, but he's one of the finest killers alive. And you will be his queen. ILLYRIO: Come forward, my dear. [KHAL DROGO watches as DAENERYS walks toward him. She does not hesitate and looks straight at him, although there is fear on her face. KHAL DROGO gazes at her and then leads his horsemen on a charge away.] VISERYS: Where's he going? ILLYRIO: The ceremony is over. VISERYS: But he didn't say anything. Did he like her? ILLYRIO: Trust me, Your Grace. If he didn't like her, we'd know. [The scene shifts to ILLYRIO, VISERYS, AND DAENERYS ON A GARDEN BALCONY OVERLOOKING THE SEA.] ILLYRIO: It won't be long now. Soon you will cross the Narrow Sea and take back your father's throne. The people drink secret toasts to your health. They cry out for their true king. VISERYS: When will they be married? ILLYRIO: Soon. The Dothraki never stay still for long. VISERYS: Is it true they lie with their horses? ILLYRIO: I wouldn't ask Khal Drogo. VISERYS: Do you take me for a fool? ILLYRIO: I take you for a king. Kings lack the caution of common men. My apologies if I've given offense. VISERYS: I know how to play a man like Drogo. I give him a queen and he gives me an army. DAENERYS (pleadingly) I don't want to be his queen. I want to go home. VISERYS: So do I. I want us both to go home. But they took it from us. So tell me, sweet sister, how do we go home? DAENERYS: I don't know. VISERYS: We go home with an army. With Khal Drogo's army. I would let his whole tribe f*ck you, all 40,000 men and their horses too, if that's what it took. [He gives DAENERYS a brotherly kiss on the forehead and walks away. The scene shifts to a bedroom in Winterfell, where CATELYN is fixing SANSA'S hair.] SANSA: Do you think Joffrey will like me? What if he thinks I'm ugly? CATELYN: Then he is the stupidest prince that ever lived. SANSA: He's so handsome. [CATELYN rolls her eyes.] SANSA: When would we be married? Soon or do we have to wait? CATELYN: Hush now. Your father hasn't even said yes. SANSA: Why would he say no? He'd be the second most powerful man in the kingdoms. CATELYN: He'd have to leave home. He'd have to leave me. And so would you. SANSA: You left your home to come here. And I'd be queen someday. Please make father say yes. CATELYN: Sansa... SANSA: Please, please. It's the only thing I ever wanted. [Scene shifts to the Winterfell banquet. Laughter, music, KING ROBERT getting bawdy with a wench. CATELYN and CERSEI watch, CATELYN embarrassed for CERSEI, who looks disgusted. Out in the courtyard, JON takes out his frustration on a fencing dummy. His uncle BENJEN rides up.] BENJEN: Is he dead yet? JON: Uncle Benjen! [They hug.] BENJEN: You got bigger. I rode all day. Didn't want to leave you alone with the Lannisters. Why aren't you at the feast? JON: Lady Stark thought it might insult the royal family to seat a b*st*rd in their midst. BENJEN: Well, you're always welcome on the wall. No b*st*rd was ever refused a seat there. JON: So take me with you when you go back. BENJEN: Jon... JON: Father will let me if you ask him, I know he will. BENJEN: The Wall isn't going anywhere. JON: I'm ready to swear your oath. BENJEN: You don't understand what you'd be giving up. We have no families. None of us will ever father sons. JON: I don't care about that. BENJEN: You might, if you knew what it meant. ... I'd better get inside. Rescue your father from his guests. We'll talk later. [BENJEN goes to the banquet.] TYRION: Your uncle's in the Night's Watch. JON: What're you doing back there? TYRION (drinking): Preparing for a night with your family. I've always wanted to see the Wall. JON: You're Tyrion Lannister. The queen's brother? TYRION: My greatest accomplishment. You - you're Ned Stark's b*st*rd, aren't you? [JON looks angry and turns away.] TYRION: Did I offend you? Sorry. You are the b*st*rd, though. JON: Lord Eddard Stark is my father. TYRION: And Lady Stark is not your mother. Making you a b*st*rd. Let me give you some advice, b*st*rd. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor. Then it can never be used to hurt you. JON: What the hell do you know about being a b*st*rd? TYRION: All dwarves are bastards in their fathers' eyes. [TYRION departs. JON picks up his sword and attacks the dummy with new ferocity.] [The scene shifts back to the banquet, in full raucous swing. NED is off to himself; BENJEN comes up to him.] BENJEN: You at a feast -- It's like a bear in a trap. NED: The boy I beheaded. Did you know him? BENJEN: Of course I did. Just a lad. But he was tough, Ned. A true Ranger. NED: He was talking madness. Said the Walkers slaughtered his friends. BENJEN: The two he was with are still missing. NED: A wildling ambush. BENJEN: Maybe. Direwolves south of the wall. Talk of the Walkers. My brother might be the next Hand to the king. Winter is coming. NED: Winter is coming. [ROBB approaches.] ROBB: Uncle Benjen. BENJEN: Robb boy. How are ye? ROBB: I'm good. [KING ROBERT gets even more bawdy with a wench.] CATELYN (in desperation) Is this your first time in the North, Your Grace? CERSEI: Yes. Lovely country. [They observe SANSA.] CATELYN: I'm sure it's very grim, after Kings Landing. I remember how scared I was when Ned brought me up here for the first time. [SANSA approaches and smiles shyly at CERSEI.] CERSEI: Hello, little dove. But you are a beauty. How old are you? SANSA: Thirteen, Your Grace. CERSEI: You're tall. Still growing? SANSA: I think so, Your Grace. CERSEI: And have you bled yet? SANSA (discomfited): No, Your Grace. CERSEI: And your dress. Did you make it? [SANSA nods yes.] CERSEI: Such talent. You must make something for me. [SANSA departs.] CERSEI (to CATELYN]: I hear we might share a grandchild someday. CATELYN: I hear the same. CERSEI: Your daughter will do well in the capital. Such a beauty shouldn't stay hidden up here forever. [SANSA and JOFFREY catch each other's eye. JOFFREY smiles at her and she turns to her friend.] [JAIME and NED meet up. JAIME blocks their path.] NED: Your pardon. JAIME: I hear we might be neighbors soon. I hope it's true. NED: Yes, the king has honored me with his offer. JAIME: I'm sure we'll have a tournament to celebrate the new title, if you accept. It would be good to have you in the field. The competition has become a bit stale. NED: I don't fight in tournaments. JAIME: No? Getting a little old for it? NED: I don't fight in tournaments because when I fight a man for real, I don't want him to know what I can do. JAIME: Well said. [ARYA flips food onto SANSA's face.] SANSA: Arya! [CATELYN signals a laughing ROBB to deal with the girls. He hoists up ARYA.] ROBB: Time for bed. [The scene shifts to after the banquet. NED and CATELYN are in their bed.] NED: I'm a Northman. I belong here with you, not down south in that rat's nest they call a capital. CATELYN: I won't let him take you. NED: The king takes what he wants. That's why he's king. CATELYN: I'll say, 'Listen, fat man, you are not taking my husband anywhere. He belongs to me now.' NED: How did he get so fat? CATELYN: He only stops eating when it's time for a drink. [There's a knock at the door.] A VOICE: It's Maester Luwin, my lord. NED: Send him in. LUWIN: Pardon, my lord, my lady. A rider in the night from your sister. [He hands CATELYN a sealed note.] NED: Stay. CATELYN: This was sent from the Eyrie. What's she doing at the Eyrie? She hasn't been back there since her wedding. [CATELYN reads the note, looks up in alarm, and then burns it.] NED: What news? CATELYN: She's fled the capital. She says Jon Arryn was murdered. By the Lannisters. She says the king is in danger. NED: She's fresh widowed, Cat. She doesn't know what she's saying. CATELYN: Lysa's head would be on a spike right now if the wrong people had found that letter. Do you think she would risk her life, her son's life, if she wasn't certain her husband was murdered? LUWIN: If this news is true, and the Lannisters conspire against the throne, who but you can protect the king? CATELYN: They murdered the last Hand. Now you want Ned to take the job. LUWIN: The king rode for a month to ask Lord Stark's help. He's the only one he trusts. You swore the king an oath, my lord. CATELYN: He spent half his life fighting Robert's wars. He owes him nothing. (To NED) Your father and brother rode south once on a king's demand. LUWIN: A different time. Different king. [The scene shifts to the wild wedding celebration of KHAL DROGO and DAENERYS. Fighting and fornication. DAENERYS looks stricken at everything around her.] VISERYS: When do I meet with the Khal? We need to begin planning the invasion. ILLYRIO: If Khal Drogo has promised you a crown, you shall have it. VISERYS: When? ILLYRIO: When their omens favor war. VISERYS: I piss on Dothraki omens. I waited 17 years to get my throne back. [The s*x and violence intensify. Two men fight to the death over a woman each is trying to rape. KHAL DROGO watches avidly.] ILLYRIO: A Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair. [A knight in Westerosi garb appears. KHAL DROGO greets him in Dothraki. It is JORAH MORMONT, bearing books.] JORAH: A small gift for the new Khaleesi. Songs and histories from the Seven Kingdoms. DAENERYS: Thank you, ser. Are you from my country? JORAH: Ser Jorah Mormont of Bear Island. I served your father for many years. Gods be good, I hope to always serve the rightful king. [DANY is presented with a chest with three dragon eggs in it.] ILLYRIO: Dragons' eggs, Daenerys. From the Shadow Lands beyond Asshai. The ages have turned them to stone, but they will always be beautiful. DAENERYS: Thank you, Magister. [KHAL DROGO rises and strides forward. DAENERYS follows him, looking sick with fear. The Dothraki crowd behind her as she goes. The KHAL leads her to a white mare.] DAENERYS: She's beautiful. ... Ser Jorah, I don't know how to say 'thank you' in Dothraki. JORAH: There is no word for 'thank you' in Dothraki. [The KHAL puts DANY on her horse and mounts his.] VISERYS: Make him happy. [The scene shifts to the seaside at sunset. The KHAL begins to unwrap DANY's dress. She is sobbing. He touches the tears on her face.] KHAL DROGO: No. DAENERYS: Do you know the Common Tongue? KHAL DROGO: No. DAENERYS: Is 'no' the only word that you know? KHAL DROGO: No. [He takes off her gown and bends her down.] [The scene shifts to Winterfell. Tyrion and the Hound are seated outside the day after the banquet.] THE HOUND: Rough night, Imp? TYRION: If I get through this without squirting from one end or the other, it will be a miracle. THE HOUND: I didn't pick you for a hunter. TYRION: The greatest in the land. My spear never misses. THE HOUND: It's not hunting if you pay for it. [The king and Ned come into view.] ROBERT: Are you as good with a spear as you used to be? NED: No, but I'm still better than you. ROBERT: I know what I'm putting you through. Thank you for saying yes. I only ask you because I need you. You're a loyal friend. You hear me? A loyal friend. The last one I've got. NED: I hope I'll serve you well. ROBERT: You will. And I'll make sure you don't look so f*cking grim all the time. Come on, boys, let's go kill some boar! [The king's party rides off, NED nodding goodbye to BRAN, whose wolf pup begins sniffing at his feet.] BRAN: Come on, you. [BRAN begins climbing, his wolf pup crying at the bottom of the castle wall. As he nears the top, he hears a woman and man moaning. Peering in the window, he sees CERSEI and JAIME having s*x. CERSEI sees BRAN.] CERSEI: Stop. STOP. [JAIME runs and grabs BRAN at the window.] JAIME: Are you completely mad? CERSEI: He saw us. JAIME: It's all right. It's all right. CERSEI: He saw us! JAIME: I heard you the first time. (To BRAN) Quite the little climber, aren't you? How old are you, boy? BRAN: Ten [SCENE_BREAK] JAIME: Ten. [JAIME looks at CERSEI, who gazes back imploringly.] JAIME: The things I do for love. [He shoves BRAN out the window.]

North of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros , Night's Watch soldiers are attacked by supernatural White Walkers . One soldier escapes but is captured at Castle Winterfell. Eddard "Ned" Stark , Warden of the North, executes him for desertion. Later, six orphaned dire wolf pups are found and one given to each Stark sibling, including Ned's bastard son, Jon Snow. In King's Landing, the Seven Kingdoms capital, Jon Arryn , the Hand of the King, dies suddenly. King Robert Baratheon , Ned's old friend, travels to Winterfell to recruit Ned and propose a marriage between his heir Joffrey and Ned's daughter, Sansa . Lysa Arryn, John's widow, sends her sister (Ned's wife), Catelyn , a letter claiming the Lannisters, Queen Cersei 's family, murdered Arryn. Catelyn believes the Lannisters are now plotting against King Robert. Ned's young son, Brandon , climbs a tall tower and witnesses Cersei and her twin brother, Jaime Lannister , inside having sex. To hide their incest, Jaime pushes Bran from the high window. Across the Narrow Sea in Essos, exiled Prince Viserys Targaryen forces his sister, Daenerys , to marry the Dothraki warlord, Drogo , in exchange for an army to conquer Westeros and reclaim the Iron Throne . Robert Baratheon became king after Jaime Lannister killed "Mad" King Aerys Targaryen, earning Jaime the nickname, "The King Slayer". The ancient Targaryens once commanded dragons, and Daenerys is given three fossilized dragon eggs as a wedding gift.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_07x21

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STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai and Sookie are walking through town] SOOKIE: How did you get roped into bringing the cake to your parents' party? LORELAI: I made the mistake of telling my mother how much Rory loves the chocolate-raspberry one from Weston's. SOOKIE: That's my favorite. LORELAI: I know me too. So now I'm allowed to handle the cake. Drycleaners, help me remember to pick up my dress from the dry cleaners. SOOKIE: Dry cleaners -- got it. LORELAI: And heels -- I need to find a pair of heels that will not sink into the grass at Yale. It's all grass at Yale, unless it's cobblestones. Between the grass and the cobblestones, you can't barely walk around there. So in fact don't help me remember heels. Help me remember wedges. SOOKIE: Dry cleaners and wedges. LORELAI: Thank you so much for helping me. I have so much on my mind between Rory's graduation and Logan asking me for her hand. Ooh, Champagne and ice -- I need to bring both of those to Yale. SOOKIE: Dry cleaners, wedges, champagne, and ice. LORELAI: Although everyone knows it's a rhetorical question... SOOKIE: Ha? LORELAI: Logan asking my permission. Have you ever heard of anyone who says no? SOOKIE: Why did you want to say no? LORELAI: No, he can ask her anything he wants. I think she's too young to get married but, oh. Plastic champagne flutes -- I can't forget those. I know he asked me out of respect, but I'll tell you what's not respectful is asking for my permission and then making me wait. Every time the phone rings, I think it's gonna be her, telling me that it's happened, but it's not. It's just my mother calling with some boring party detail, like asking me about the ratio of devil to egg. SOOKIE: Ooh, that's easy. It's one part yolk and two parts mayonnaise. Oh my God you don't care at all, do you? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: No. [They enter Weston's] LORELAI: Ooh I have to remember my beaded clutch. Don't let me forget my beaded clutch. SOOKIE: Got it. LORELAI: Hey, Sue. I'm here to pick up the cake. SUE: Oh great. Thanks. LORELAI: And then, on top of everything, there's this whole Luke thing. SOOKIE: [Gasps] Oh, thank god. I have been waiting and waiting all morning. I didn't think you were gonna say anything, and then I didn't think I should say anything. So there is a Luke thing? LORELAI: I don't know Sookie. I can't figure out what happened. I mean clearly something came up when I sang that song. SOOKIE: Clearly. LORELAI: But I don't know if it was a new, now feeling or the residue of an old feeling that came up because of the drinks and the lyrics and the hat. SOOKIE: That was a deadly cocktail. LORELAI: So that's why I'm going to the diner today -- to see how I feel, sober and without the lyrics of "I will always love you" streaming in front of me. SOOKIE: Gotcha. But just so you know I think it was a new, now feeling. The way you were singing to him... LORELAI: Sookie you weren't even there. SOOKIE: I know but I had enough people describe it to me. LORELAI: Oh, no! SOOKIE: No we're just excited for the possibility of you and Luke. LORELAI: Look I know everyone's heart is in the right place, but I need to figure out what I want. SOOKIE: Gotcha. LORELAI: Seriously Sookie I need your help - keeping all these people off my back. SOOKIE: Understood. But, for the future, the next time you want other people to stay out of your relationship... LORELAI: Don't serenade your ex in front of the whole town? SOOKIE: [Gasps] You admit it was a serenade. LORELAI: Sookie... LORELAI: Sorry. SUE: There you go. LORELAI: Thanks. We can check the cake off our list. What else do I need to remember? SOOKIE: Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically. [They leave Weston's] LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically. LORELAI: Huh? SOOKIE: It's a mnemonic device. Dress, wedges, champagne, ice, plastic flutes, beaded clutch. "Beaded clutch" is one word. LORELAI: And panty hose. SOOKIE: Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically, Polly. LORELAI: And tissues and my camera. SOOKIE: "Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically," Polly teased Chad. LORELAI: Why would Polly tease Chad about preferring footballs? SOOKIE: I don't know. Maybe Polly prefers soccer balls. LORELAI: That doesn't make any sense. SOOKIE: Well then stop adding stuff to the list. [Lorelai giggles] OPENING CREDITS LIZ'S SHED LUKE: Hiya. LIZ: Wow. It's so great to see you. LUKE: This place looks totally different. LIZ: Well T.J. And I fixed it up. LUKE: You guys did a really great job. LIZ: Thanks we worked our butts off, but it came out really nice. LUKE: What's gonna go here? LIZ: Nothing. T.J. Put those up. LUKE: Yeah didn't want to tempt fate, huh? [They laugh] LIZ: Well, you know, he means well. He also built this coat-rack lamp, and it works. LUKE: Nice. LIZ: So, what brings you here? LUKE: Well you know I want to get Rory a graduation gift, and I just thought earrings might be the right thing you know. LIZ: Cool. I got a whole lot of them, take a look around. So I heard about Lorelai's karaoke serenade. I wish I had been there. LUKE: It wasn't a serenade. LIZ: That's not what I heard. I was at Weston's a couple of days ago, and half the town was talking about it. LUKE: Well half the town should get a hobby. What do you think about these? LIZ: Ah, those aren't Rory's taste. They're too trippy. She's not trippy. So, what have you done? LUKE: What do you mean, what have I done? LIZ: About the love serenade. LUKE: It wasn't a serenade, and I haven't done anything. I've worked real hard to try to get that stupid song out of my head. LIZ: Aren't you gonna respond in some way? LUKE: Well there's nothing to respond to. She drank a truckload of tequila, and she sang a sappy song. LIZ: Time. Okay. "I will always love you" is not a sappy song. It's classic Cyndi Lauper. LUKE: Whitney Houston. LIZ: It doesn't matter. The point is, she will always love you. LUKE: I heard the song. LIZ: She's waiting for you to make a move. LUKE: Look if it had meant something, she would have come in, you know. What do you think of these? LIZ: The teardrops -- Rory will love those. LUKE: Good. LIZ: Look, all I'm saying is, from everything I've heard and know, Lorelai would like you to respond. I mean Crazy Carrie was there, and she said Lorelai definitely gave you the love look. LUKE: I wouldn't trust information coming from a woman who wears a cardboard hat. You got a box for those? LIZ: I certainly do. [Luke looking at something else] You like that? LUKE: Yeah. Well, it's nice. LIZ: It is. It would really match Lorelai's eyes. In fact, I was actually thinking of Lorelai when I made that. LUKE: Well, I wasn't thinking -- it's a nice necklace, is all. LIZ: [Chuckles] It is. All right. This is on me. LUKE: Oh, what? No, no. Come on. LIZ: After everything you've done for me... LUKE: I'm not gonna not pay. LIZ: After everything's T.J.'s put you through? LUKE: That's very nice of you. You know what? Maybe I will get this necklace as a backup for Rory. LIZ: Right. LUKE: yeah she has blue eyes, right? LIZ: Yes, she does. LUKE: Find a box for that. PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [They are packing, Doyle is fixing the wall, Paris is on the phone.] PARIS: Yes, we still have the kitchen table, but the chairs went about a half-hour ago. Yeah let me stop you right there if you want to haggle, go to a flea market, because my other line is ringing. Fine. It's yours. Be here in 20 minutes, or I'll reactivate the listing. [Hangs up the phone] Sold for $15 more than I paid 2 years ago see, the key to haggling is you put your hands around their throat and keep on squeezing. DOYLE: You've got skills, baby. PARIS: I know. Think of how useful I'll be when we're in India. Oh remind me -- we have to pack Advil. If I get a headache over there, I'm not about to get some Ayurvedic massage. DOYLE: Sure, just to clarify, you are gonna tame it down a little when we're in India, right? I mean we are tourists. PARIS: No way. My philosophy is "travel aggressively." Otherwise, you get taken advantage of. DOYLE: All these textbooks, backpacking? I thought we agreed this is a vacation. PARIS: I'm not about to drop the ball now that I've gotten into Harvard medical school. This is the time to turn up the intensity. DOYLE: Paris... PARIS: It's not gonna be like this forever, I promise, but these next four years are critical. I've got to do well so I can get a great to tier residency. After that, I promise I'll rest. What? Why are you smiling? DOYLE: Because I love you. PARIS: Shut up. I love you, too. [They start kissing, Rory enters] RORY: Happy last day! Oh. Well, hello, lovebirds. APRIL: Where were you? RORY: I went to a theater party with Lucy and Olivia, and I spent the night at their place. Hey, Doyle. DOYLE: Hey, Rory. RORY: Ah man, you guys are almost done packing up your stuff? PARIS: Getting there. RORY: Can you believe we graduate tomorrow? I can't believe it. I can't wrap my head around it. PARIS: Oh God. You're not gonna start getting sentimental already, are you? RORY: That wasn't sentimental. That was incredulous. I'm allowed to be incredulous. I mean can you believe it? PARIS: Ah yeah, I can, actually. I checked out of this place the second I got into Harvard. God, I never get tired of saying that. RORY: Well, I can't believe it, and I intend to savor every moment of it. PARIS: Well, savor while you spackle. I will take you to small-claims court if I don't get back my full deposit. Hey, do you need any boxes? Someone overestimated. DOYLE: Let it go, Paris. RORY: Ah no, I'm just taking all my stuff back home, so I'm just gonna throw it all in suitcases. You know what I should take a picture of you packing up the apartment. PARIS: And that's not sentimental? RORY: Oh, shush. I'm allowed a little bit of sentiment on my last day of college. Now smile. PARIS: Are you done? RORY: No, no. I need a picture of Doyle. He's packing up the toaster. Oh, no toast tomorrow. That's so sad. PARIS: Rory. RORY: One more of you with that annoyed face. [Looking annoyed] That's not cute. Make the annoyed face again. Oh, you're so good. You're a natural. I love it. LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai enters] LORELAI: Oh, hey. MISS PATTY: Hello! BABETTE: He's upstairs. I'm sure you can go right on up. LORELAI: Oh no that's okay. I'm just here for coffee. MISS PATTY: Sure you are. LORELAI: I am. BABETTE: Honey, we were there. MISS PATTY: We heard the song. BABETTE: It gave me goose bumps. MISS PATTY: The way you locked eyes with him. BABETTE: All of that pent-up emotion -- ooh. LORELAI: No, no, no. It's just karaoke. You know I got swept up in the lyrics and the moment. It didn't mean anything. LUKE: [Over hearing Lorelai] What can I get for you? LORELAI: Hi. Um, a coffee. LUKE: To go, right? LORELAI: [Unsure and confused] Okay. BABETTE: Is Rory all excited? LORELAI: Um yeah. She is. BABETTE: I can't believe she's done. I still got memories of her as a little girl running around in my head. LORELAI: Me too. [Too Luke, sounding happy.] Hey, should I have a doughnut or a muffin? LUKE: [sounding a little annoyed] Whatever you want. LORELAI: How about a doughnut with a side of muffin? [Luke nods and leaves, Lorelai is confused still.] MISS PATTY: So, uh, what time are we supposed to be there, anyway? LORELAI: Where? MISS PATTY: Yale. BABETTE: Oh, yeah, hon, I need directions, 'cause Morey MapQuested it, but the campus is big. LORELAI: I didn't know you guys all wanted to come. MISS PATTY: Of course we do. BABETTE: We wouldn't miss our little girl's graduation. [Luke drops of the to-go bag for Lorelai, distracting her again.] LORELAI: Oh well I have to call her and see, make sure there's enough tickets. BABETTE: Thanks, doll. MISS PATTY: [Too Babette] How many do you think we need? BABETTE: Well, let's see. There's Morey and me and you and Lane and Zach and Mrs. Kim -- Lulu and Gypsy, plus one, she said. LORELAI: That's a lot of people. BABETTE: Yeah maybe we should charter a van. LORELAI: [Lorelai's cell phone rings] Ooh, speaking of the graduate. BABETTE: Say hello to her from us! LORELAI: I will. BABETTE: And ask her how long the ceremony is, 'cause I got to plan my snacks. [Lorelai goes out side and answers the phone.] LORELAI: Hey! RORY: Hey. You are not gonna believe it! LORELAI: Okay. Hold on. [Takes the phone away from her hear and exhales] Believe what? RORY: Milan Kundera is speaking at our graduation. LORELAI: [No the news she was expecting] Oh. RORY: What? You're not a big Kundera fan? LORELAI: Uh, no. I'm unbearably light on him. RORY: I see. LORELAI: Speaking of which, do you think you can get some more graduation tickets? It seems like the whole of stars hollow wants to come. RORY: Oh, that's sweet, but we only get four, and people have been trying to get extra ones since September. LORELAI: Oh, no. Anything on the black market? RORY: No I think we're probably priced out of that. LORELAI: All right well, you do know the house is gonna get egged. RORY: I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. I'll help you scrub it when I get home. LORELAI: Wait a minute. Four? There's me, your dad, your grandparents, Logan. RORY: Logan's sitting with his friends - there're like 20 guys he hasn't seen since last spring. LORELAI: Mm gotcha. RORY: So, are you nervous? LORELAI: About Logan seeing his friends? Not really. RORY: No. About seeing dad. LORELAI: Oh, that. No. Ah we talked last night, mostly about our beautiful daughter. RORY: Oh. LORELAI: We're both just so proud of you. I think we're gonna be fine. RORY: Good. What about Luke? LORELAI: Oh, well, I was just in there, you know. Trying to figure out how I feel. RORY: And? LORELAI: And the point is totally moot, because he barely even looked at me. RORY: What? LORELAI: Yeah I must have completely embarrassed him, in addition to completely embarrassing myself. I've given you the "don't drink to excess" speech, right? RORY: Well if you haven't, you've certainly taught me by example. LORELAI: So, anyway, that's that. RORY: Are you okay? LORELAI: Oh, yeah. I mean, I didn't know what I wanted, anyway, so... RORY: Okay if you need anything... LORELAI: Yeah. Thanks, hon. RORY: All right listen I'm gonna go. Logan and I have this romantic afternoon planned. LORELAI: Oh? Really? RORY: We're spackling. LORELAI: Oh. Well, spackle well, or whatever one says to encourage a successful spackle. RORY: Have a good spackle? LORELAI: Spackle on. RORY: Break a spackle? LORELAI: Knock on spackle if things work out. RORY: Okay I'll talk to you later. LORELAI: Tell him I said hi. RORY: Bye, mom. LORELAI: Bye. [Sighs after she hangs up.] TOWN MEETING TAYLOR: all right, everybody! That's enough! The meeting has come to order. Now before we get down to official business, I would like to unofficially thank all of you for your concerns over my health. I'm doing much better, thank you. BABETTE: We never heard. What did you do? LORELAI: Yeah what happened? MISS PATTY: I heard you slipped in the tub. TAYLOR: That's right, I did. Let that be a lesson to all of you. Bathroom safety is a serious business. One can never be too careful. Now, onto... GYPSY: I thought the paramedics found you in your living room. TAYLOR: Well, yes. The tub was, in fact, a pedi-spa. I have bunions, and I was soaking, but it still was exceedingly slippery. Onto the next order of business. Our esteemed friend and neighbor Kirk would like a permit to do his performance-art piece called "Kirk-in-a-box" in the town square. KIRK: It isn't a performance-art piece. It is a feat of endurance -- an attempt to stretch the bounds of human possibility. MISS PATTY: And what exactly is "Kirk-in-a-box"? KIRK: I will be suspended 20 feet above the street in a clear Lucite box with no food or water. LORELAI: Like David Blaine. KIRK: Not at all. My box is smaller. BABETTE: Why? KIRK: Because Lucite is very costly. BABETTE: No. Why are you doing it? KIRK: To see if I can. TAYLOR: Let me point out that something like this could draw a crowd. GYPSY: Hey if Kirk wants to sit in a box, let him sit in a box. MOREY: Yeah, what do we care? BABETTE: Yeah you don't have to look. It's a good idea! Let's vote! TAYLOR: Very well. All those in favor. [All Aye!] TAYLOR: All right, all right. But don't complain to me when and if we run into a parking situation... BABETTE: [Quietly to Lorelai as Taylor continues to talk.] Is there special parking at Yale? LORELAI: Oh, I meant to tell you. I couldn't get any extra tickets. BABETTE: What? We don't get to go to Rory's graduation? LORELAI: I tried. BABETTE: Isn't there anything you can do? LORELAI: Well I asked. TAYLOR: Excuse me, ladies. What is going on over there? BABETTE: None of us gets to go to Rory's graduation. [All groan] LORELAI: I'm sorry. I tried. TAYLOR: Order! Order! Everyone, quiet down. Clearly, this is an issue of importance to some of you, so let's just add it to tonight's agenda. LORELAI: No, no, no. Taylor, we don't have to do that. TAYLOR: Too late. It's already been added. Lorelai, state your case. LORELAI: I don't have a case. TAYLOR: Fine. Then just explain how this mishap occurred. LORELAI: What mishap? TAYLOR: Clearly, you dropped the ball. LORELAI: I didn't. They get four per kid. That's how it works. What could I do? I tried. TAYLOR: Were there no orphans, no children of divorce? Are you telling me that every single student at Yale has at least four people coming to see him or her graduate? LORELAI: Look, I'm sorry okay, but you'll all get a chance to congratulate her at the graduation party I'm having at my house in a week. BABETTE: But it's not the same thing. We've all known the kid since she was that high. We want to see that special moment when she gets handed her diploma. LORELAI: I'm really sorry, guys. I mean maybe I could hand her the diploma again you know, at the party at my house. BABETTE: You would do that? LORELAI: Of course. GYPSY: Well what about the music? You can't have the pomp without the circumstance. TAYLOR: That's an easy one to solve. The stars hollow high school band will play. It will be a wonderful dress rehearsal for their own ceremony in two weeks. [All Yeah!] LORELAI: I don't know if I can fit the whole band inside the house. TAYLOR: Absolutely not -- your house is not zoned for gatherings larger than 15 people. We'll do it in the town square. [All exclaim] LORELAI: Oh, that sounds... KIRK: Lulu can play Rory. She's a terrific actress. RORY: What are you, nuts? No way. Rory's gonna play Rory. BABETTE: Oh, and at the ceremony at Yale, don't forget to take a lot of pictures, 'cause then we can blow them up for the re-enactment! LORELAI: [Looking worried] Uh, uh, okay. TAYLOR: I would suggest taking a notebook along. Attention to detail is very important in re-enactments. LORELAI: [Whimpers] YALE - RORY'S GRADUATION PARTY [Several dozen people are celebrating with her, Rory is talking with a few ladies.] WOMAN 1: We'd love to have you back at the D.A.R. WOMAN 2: So much, you were a breath of fresh air. WOMAN 1: We want to start a little outreach program. WOMAN 2: You wouldn't believe your generation's apathy when it comes to such things as the preservation of this nation's history. RORY: Oh really yeah that's a shame. WOMAN 2: We were thinking of renting out a roller rink... LOGAN: I'm sorry, ladies. Mind if I steal my girlfriend away for a minute? Some rather urgent business. WOMAN 2: Of course not. WOMAN 1: We'll talk later. RORY: Excuse me. [Away from the ladies] Oh you really are my shining, armored knight. You know that. LOGAN: I saw you dying, and I did want to tell you something rather urgent. RORY: What's up? LOGAN: You look beautiful. RORY: Oh! [They kiss, Lorelai is watching from a distance] WOMAN 3::I just can't believe you're old enough to have a daughter in college. LORELAI: Yeah... WOMAN 4: Neither can I. What is your skin-care ritual? LORELAI: Oh, just soap, you know? WOMAN 3: What kind? [Lorelai's cell phone rings] LORELAI: I just get it at the drugstore. Will you excuse me? [Answering the phone] Chris, hi. EMILY: Where are you going? LORELAI: I'll be right back. EMILY: That wasn't the question. [Lorelai goes outside] LORELAI: Where are you? Oh. There you are. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. LORELAI: Hey. CHRISTOPHER: Sorry. I just didn't want to do this in front of everyone. LORELAI: No, no. I think that's a good thing. CHRISTOPHER: Hi. LORELAI: [Sighs] Hi. CHRISTOPHER: You look good. LORELAI: You look good. CHRISTOPHER: So, how is she? LORELAI: Oh, she's excited. She's good. She's excited. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah? And you? LORELAI: I'm excited, sad, and nostalgic. Terrified. Logan asked my permission to ask her to marry him. CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: Yeah. I know. I mean he hasn't done it yet, you know so maybe he'll back out, but he definitely asked. CHRISTOPHER: Wow. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: She's so young. LORELAI: I know. CHRISTOPHER: So what did you say? LORELAI: I told him he could ask her. CHRISTOPHER: Right. Yeah. LORELAI: What do you think? CHRISTOPHER: I'm just letting it sink in. You know, you hear about people asking the father. Not that you don't deserve to be asked -- you do. It's just more stuff I've missed. LORELAI: We're gonna figure out this whole divorced-parenting thing eventually. CHRISTOPHER: She might be 60. LORELAI: Well, 60-year-olds are notoriously needy. At least we'll be in sync by then. CHRISTOPHER: [Sighs] LORELAI: You want to come see her? CHRISTOPHER: Let's do it. LORELAI: Okay. [They go back inside] CHRISTOPHER: Hey, kiddo! RORY: Hi, dad. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. [Smooches] CHRISTOPHER: Hey it's good to see you. LOGAN: Good to see you, too, sir. CHRISTOPHER: So, are you getting excited? RORY: Yeah, I can't believe it's tomorrow. [Tapping glasses] RICHARD: Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, first let me thank you for coming to celebrate my granddaughter's graduation. [Emily pinches Richards arm] Ouch! I do beg your pardon. Celebrating our granddaughter's graduation. [Chuckles from the gathering] EMILY: I can't let him take all the credit. Have you seen her? Can you blame me? [More chuckles and laughter] RICHARD: So, when my wife and I sat down to write our toast, we ran into something of a problem. All of our words sounded too mundane, too insignificant to mark such an auspicious occasion as Rory's graduation from Yale. So instead... maestro... EMILY: Please excuse us. We're not singers. [Piano playing] RICHARD: Never let them see you sweat, dear. RICHARD: [Singing] You're the top you have graduated. EMILY: [Singing] You're the top your grandparents are elated. RICHARD: [Singing] Newspaper editor. Phi Beta Kappa wow! EMILY: [Singing] You're a revelation. A huge sensation. RICHARD: [Singing] You should take a bow. EMILY: [Singing] You are done. No more school for you. RICHARD: [Singing] There is nothing. Now that you can't do. EMILY: [Singing] You'll make us proud, we'll sing it loud. RICHARD: [Singing] It's true! RICHARD AND EMILY: [Singing] 'Cause now, Rory you're a Bulldog through and through. [Laughter, applause] LOGAN: Yeah! EMILY: Please stop. RICHARD: Oh, thank you, thank you. RORY: Wow. Thank you for that. EMILY: We meant every word of that song. RICHARD: We certainly did, even the ones we sang off-key. We are so proud of you. RORY: Oh thank you so much. You know that none of this would be possible without your help so. You should all know that there's no way I could be a Bulldog through and through if it weren't for these two, so thank you so much, grandma and grandpa. RICHARD: Congratulations, Rory. [They clink glasses] To you. LORELAI: Cheers. ALL: Cheers. CHRISTOPHER: [Cell phone rings, leaving a message] Oh, it's the babysitter, checking to see if Gigi Can watch an hour of television. I don't think she's ready for "The Pussycat Dolls." I'll be right back. LOGAN: Actually, would you mind waiting? CHRISTOPHER: Sure. LOGAN: trust me you'll want to stick around for this. CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] Okay. Is he gonna... LORELAI: [To Chris] Not here. Not now. LOGAN: If I could, I'd also like to say a few words about my girlfriend of the past three years. You amaze me, Rory Gilmore, every day -- everything that you do, everything that you are. RORY: [giggles] LOGAN: This past year, I realized that I don't know a lot more than I thought I knew, if that makes sense. I'm a little bit nervous. I didn't think I would be. What I'm trying to say is that... I don't know a lot. But I know that I love you... and I want to be with you... forever. [All Sighs] LOGAN: Rory Gilmore... ...will you marry me? RORY: Um... um, wow. Um, wow. I -- wow. LOGAN: Is there a "yes" in between those "wows"? RORY: Um, I'm just... I'm so...surprised. I-I just -- um, would -- um... w-will you come talk to me outside? LOGAN: Sure. RORY: Yeah. Okay. [Guests murmuring] EMILY: [To the pianist] Play something -- now. [Piano plays mid-tempo music, Emily watches them go outside, Richard and Lorelai look worried. Outside Logan and Rory talk.] RORY: Sorry. I-I didn't want to talk in front of everybody. LOGAN: No. I completely understand. RORY: [Seeing a white carriage and 2 white horses] Is that... LOGAN: For us? Yeah. RORY: [Shocked by it all] LOGAN: I'm sorry I know you said you were over big gestures, but that's what wedding proposals are. And night with your parents here and your grandparents, I just thought... RORY: No, it's not the size of the gesture. It's the gesture itself. LOGAN: Rory, I got the job out in silicon valley. RORY: What? You did? When?! LOGAN: They offered me the position about 45 minutes after the meeting, but I wanted to save the news until after I proposed. RORY: Wow. You've been thinking about this for a while. LOGAN: Yeah. Back when everything was up in the air business-wise, I realized as long as I had you, I'd be okay. You would love Palo Alto, Rory. We could go hiking in the Dish on weekends, biking at the Baylands. RORY: Wow. California sounds really athletic. LOGAN: Or coffee drinking on university avenue. RORY: That's much easier to imagine. LOGAN: I went exploring a little, and there is this house that we could rent. It has a backyard with an avocado tree. RORY: I do like guacamole. LOGAN: And it's only 35 miles south of San Francisco -- just a straight shot up the 101. RORY: Wow you've done a lot of research. LOGAN: Yeah you could work at the Chronicle, The San Francisco Bay Guardian. RORY: Wow. Oh, it sounds amazing. Logan, it sounds wonderful. I just -- I don't know. I mean, you've had time to think about this and research. It's so sweet and wonderful. I just -- I'm hearing about it for the first time. LOGAN: So you're saying in the past three years, you never thought about marrying me? RORY: No, of course I have. LOGAN: And? RORY: And it's always a really wonderful thought, but it was always hypothetical and... LOGAN: I know. For me, too. But then it hit me -- why wait? Remember when we were in the life and death brigade and we stood on top of that tower, and we held hands and we jumped? Let's do that again, Rory. Let's jump. [Rory smiles at Logan, meanwhile back inside.] [SCENE_BREAK] EMILY: Well I don't what to do, should I continue to stagger the hors d'oeuvres or just tell the kitchen to send everything out? LORELAI: I don't know. EMILY: What didn't she just say "yes"? LORELAI: I think she's not sure she wants to marry him, mom. EMILY: That's ridiculous. He's a Huntzberger. An offer like this doesn't come around every day. LORELAI: It's a marriage proposal, not a sale on linens. RICHARD: Clearly, Rory was caught off guard. All of us were. [Lorelai cell phone rings] I'm sure she just needs a moment to get her bearings. LORELAI: Hi, hon. EMILY: Is that Rory? Did she say yes? LORELAI: [To Chris] Hey, it's Rory. Do you want to come? CHRISTOPHER: No. You go. LORELAI: Okay. [Too Rory] Hi. HORSE DRAWN CARRIAGE [The girls are riding along] RORY: I just couldn't answer him. You know I just kept saying, "I don't know. I'll have to think about it." It was awful. He was obviously disappointed and upset. You know he made all these plans about the house we would live in and the avocado tree in our backyard. LORELAI: Well, you do like guacamole. RORY: I just had to explain to him how out of the blue this is. I mean this is seriously out of the blue -- out of the deepest, darkest, naviest blue. And why are you so calm, by the way? LORELAI: Oh, well, he asked my permission a couple days ago. RORY: What? You knew? LORELAI: I was dying to tell you. RORY: Oh man you are a good secret keeper. LORELAI: Not really. I told Sookie. I told your dad. Paul Anka and I discussed it at length. RORY: So what do you think I should do? LORELAI: Oh, honey, I think it's your decision. RORY: I know, but tell me what you think I should do. LORELAI: Well, I think you should take a few days, you know, let the shock wear off. RORY: You're really not gonna give me your opinion? LORELAI: Only you know what you want. RORY: Yeah. [Sighs] I love him. I do. I mean, things have been really amazing lately. But, on the other hand, we are so young. I'm only 22. On the other hand, what does age matter when you're in love? On the other hand, what is the rush? LORELAI: Well, you're like a circus freak with all the hands. RORY: Won't you just tell me what to do? LORELAI: Honey, I'm sorry. RORY: Oh! Okay. You don't have to say anything. Just blink one eye if you think I should do it. LORELAI: No. RORY: 'Cause you don't? LORELAI: 'Cause I won't. RORY: This is like the bird-versus-turtle Halloween costume all over again. LORELAI: Well I didn't crack then, and I'm not gonna crack now. I just think you need to figure it out. And remember -- that flying turtle bird was the most original costume in the third grade. RORY: Yeah. [Sighs] But this time I have to choose -- turtle or bird? LORELAI: Well, you're not in third grade anymore. RORY: Yeah, I guess not. LORELAI: Hey, how many hours do we have the carriage for? RORY: Um, a couple more, I'm guessing. LORELAI: Want to drive through the center of town and do the queen wave? RORY: Yes. STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai is walking the darken street towards Luke's, she sees Kirk in the Lucite box. Luke comes out of the diner with some trash.] LUKE: How's it going? LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: What are you doing out here so late? LORELAI: I needed to take a walk to clear my head, and I wanted to see if Kirk was still in the box. LUKE: Yeah apparently he is you know, I wouldn't know. I've decided to ignore him. Gawking only encourages his asinine behavior. LORELAI: What about you? You're usually long gone by now. LUKE: The softball team's celebrating their first win. I couldn't get them out the door. Clearing your head about what? LORELAI: [Sighs] Logan proposed to Rory. LUKE: No way. Wow. Wow. I guess you would need a walk for that. What did she say? LORELAI: Well, she said she needed time to mull it over. LUKE: Good answer. LORELAI: I thought so. LUKE: Yeah. So, did she ask for your advice? LORELAI: She did. Yeah. LUKE: And? LORELAI: I told her it was her decision. My mother's picking out china patterns. LUKE: Oh, I bet she's all over that. So, you're leaning toward "no"? LORELAI: Oh, uh, no. I'm not really leaning. I'm kind of upright. LUKE: Oh well I just, I could understand if you were leaning away from "yes." LORELAI: Why? LUKE: Well I mean she's really young and it's the most important decision of your life -- you know, her life. LORELAI: Well, they love each other. He's been great. Maybe they got it together young. Some people do. LUKE: Right and others need time. LORELAI: Sure. Or they're never ready. LUKE: I wouldn't say "never." Just they want to be a little more careful. They're a little slower, you know, just to make sure it's right. LORELAI: Well you can't always be 100% sure it's right. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith. LUKE: You got to know what you're leaping into. LORELAI: After all this time, how could you not know? LUKE: How could who not know? LORELAI: Rory. LUKE: Right. LORELAI: Right. LUKE: Rory. LORELAI: Well, that was my walk, and, uh, I'm gonna head home. LUKE: Good enough. Oh, I almost forgot something. Hang on. [Luke goes into the diner.] LORELAI: Are you allowed to talk in there? KIRK: Rules are a little gray on that! [Inside Luke's, behind the counter he gets the earrings for Rory, the other box for Lorelai is also in the draw, he hesitates and leaves it. And goes outside.] LUKE: I got this for Rory. [Lorelai is surprised] LORELAI: Oh. LUKE: Yeah. I just thought it would be better if she got it on the day of her actual graduation. LORELAI: Oh, that's -- that's -- that's nice. LUKE: Yeah, so... LORELAI: Thoughtful. So, good night. LUKE: Good night. LORELAI: Good night, Kirk. KIRK: Good night. [Kirk lies down] PARIS AND DOYLES APARTMENT [Rory is finishing the spackle work. Stops to look for food, finds some cereal and gets a bowl and spoon from a box. Checks the fridge for mike, but it has "For! Paris! Only!" on it, so puts it back and has it dry. She tries on the ring and smiles.] YALE - GROUNDS [Emily. Richard and Lorelai are walking.] RICHARD: I'm just saying he's a superb writer. EMILY: I'm just saying that a superb writer does not a superb speaker make. I could barely stay awake. RICHARD: I told you to start with coffee. It's a two-ceremony day. LORELAI: Maybe it's just a cultural thing. Maybe Milan Kundera is the Robin Williams of the Czech republic. EMILY: With that voice? So soporific it was as if he were trying to perform a mass hypnosis. LORELAI: We should hurry up if we want to get good seats to watch Rory get her diploma. EMILY: My point is, with all the potential speakers out there, why choose someone so dull? LORELAI: You know for a while, Rory said they were considering Henry Winkler. That would have been neat. EMILY: Who? RICHARD: You mean Henry Kissinger? LORELAI: Not unless he played the Fonz. EMILY: I'm assuming that Logan will join us for the actual commencement at Branford. LORELAI: Nope. EMILY: No? LORELAI: He's sitting with his friends. Plus, I think it would be awkward, you know? EMILY: I don't know. No one knows. Only Rory. LORELAI: Well, mom... EMILY: Well I just can't believe you don't have more information. LORELAI: She said she's thinking about it so she's thinking. EMILY: What is she thinking? LORELAI: I don't know. EMILY: Why not? RICHARD: Actually, Kissinger would be duller than Kundera with that foghorn voice and that accent. Of the two, I'd vote for the Fonz. EMILY: Do you even know who the Fonz is? LORELAI: Oh, wait, wait. Oh, shoot. RICHARD: What's wrong? LORELAI: I promised Patty and Babette that I would get lots of extra programs for the re-enactment. EMILY: Oh here. You can have mine. LORELAI: [Groans] EMILY: What? It was hot. I needed a fan. RICHARD: Sweetheart, I'm sure I can use some of my many contacts to procure as many programs as you need. LORELAI: Really? Could you? That would be great. EMILY: Can I have my program back, then? As my friend Sylvia Rosenblat is saying, I'm "Shavitzing." LORELAI: Shvitzing, mom. Shvitzing. Never mind. YALE - GROUNDS [Rory, Paris, Lucy and Olivia (who is opening a bottle of champagne.)] OLIVIA: So, seriously, 90% of the class was at this party... LUCY: More! OLIVIA: And everyone's watching. He starts to -- swear to god -- do the robot. RORY: Professor Watley? LUCY: Uh-huh. PARIS: Wait isn't he like 150? LUCY: I know, right. At first, we thought he was having a seizure, which you know would have been easier to take. OLIVIA: That was so funny, an awesome party, by the way. I thought you were gonna come after your grandparents' little cocktail bash. LUCY: Yeah, Gilmore, you're so lame for blowing it off. PARIS: Yeah at least I had an excuse. My boyfriend and I went to "Star of Bombay" as a little warm-up for our trip to India. It turns out Doyle's stomach and Vindaloo are not bunk buddies. It's gonna be a long trip. RORY: Well I would have gone to that party if somebody hadn't insisted that I finish spackling all the holes in our apartment, upon pain of death. PARIS: Hey, each unspackled hole is deposit money that our hygienically challenged, sleazebag of a landlord will use to supply his freaking p0rn habit. RORY: College has mellowed Paris. LUCY: How was your grandparents' cocktail party? Were there great huzzahs in your honor? RORY: Oh it was fine. People walked around, had grown-up drinks, and my grandparents sang me a song. I turned a deep shade of red. It was fine. OLIVIA: Uh-oh it looks like you guys are lining up. LUCY: We better get over to Saybrook. [Holding the champagne bottle high] To our future! TOGETHER: Huzzah! LUCY: I wonder if I'll actually get my diploma in my envelope. RORY: Why? Do you have some overdue library books? OLIVIA: And she has no idea where they are. LUCY: Please forward my mail to Argentina. I'll be hiding out until the heat blows over. I love you guys! OLIVIA: Bye! RORY: Bye! YALE [The ceremony is about to get under way. Lorelai, Emily and Richard are finding their seats.] EMILY: Did she try on the ring? LORELAI: I have no idea. EMILY: I can't believe you have no idea what she's going to do. I mean aren't you two "bosom buddies" Isn't the sharing of intimate information your thing? LORELAI: Mom our thing right now is letting Rory make her own decisions. EMILY: What did you tell her to do? LORELAI: Mom I didn't tell her to do anything. I'm letting her make her own decision. EMILY: But you must have at least... RICHARD: Emily can we focus on the ceremony? LORELAI: So, are these seats okay? Can you both see the stage? RICHARD: Perfectly. EMILY: Well, I'm sure someone will take a photo of Rory receiving her diploma close-up. LORELAI: Mom, if you don't like these seats, we can go look for others. EMILY: No. Then we'll lose these. LORELAI: Well we can have dad wait here while I try to find better seats... RICHARD: Lorelai, these seats are fine. LORELAI: Hey! CHRISTOPHER: Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. EMILY: You're not late. The ceremony is starting late, of course, after Lorelai drove us like cattle to get here. LORELAI: [To Chris] You be the deciding vote. Are these seats okay, or do you think we should look for better ones? CHRISTOPHER: These seem great. LORELAI: [Giggles] Really? Because that lady has long hair, and if a breeze blows up, it might... RICHARD: Lorelai, Lorelai, the seats are perfect. LORELAI: All righty. CHRISTOPHER: Any answer from Rory? LORELAI: Not yet. EMILY: Apparently Lorelai has decided to invoke the "don't ask, don't tell" rule. LORELAI: Oh mom. RICHARD: Bill Clinton -- that's a speaker I would have enjoyed. I can't stand his politics, but he has a commanding presence and a nice voice. I wonder if he records books on tape. [Lorelai and Chris look at each other, amused at Richard] YALE [Paris and Rory line up] PARIS: So have you thought about what you're going to say? RORY: What? PARIS: When he hands you the diploma. I can't decide between "thank you" and "thank you so much." RORY: Oh. PARIS: It's a significant moment, and I want to do it right. If I say just plain "thank you," it sounds kind of casual, like he's handing me a slice of pizza. But "thank you so much" sounds weird, like I'm acknowledging applause after singing a love ballad. RORY: I think I'm just gonna do a polite smile and a "thank you." Okay. This is it. PARIS: Yeah. We've been drafting off each other since high school, and now it's each woman for herself. Who knows when we'll see each other again, right? RORY: Paris I haven't been able to shake you off all these years. We're gonna be friends for a very long time. PARIS: You're gonna do such great things with your life, Rory. [Paris surprises Rory with a hug.] RORY: Oh! Wow. Okay. WOMAN: Okay, G's, you're on the move! [Rory see Logan in the distance, with his friends, he waves to her] PARIS: Unto the breach. YALE - CEREMONY [The ceremony is underway] MAN: Phoebe Elizabeth Gabner. LORELAI: You ready to be parents of a Yale graduate? CHRISTOPHER: I already got the bumper sticker picked out. EMILY: Just so you know, I read in the New York Times that people are getting married younger and younger these days. LORELAI: Well the good news is, if it was in the New York Times, Rory saw it and filed it away. What's wrong? EMILY: This chair is faulty. Every time I lean from one side to the other, I almost slide off. LORELAI: Do you want to switch seats? RICHARD: Now Lorelai, you don't need to switch. Emily, your chair's fine. Just don't lean. EMILY: I have to lean. This woman keeps rocking back and forth. It's like sitting behind Ray Charles. MAN: Paris Eustace Geller. LORELAI: Oh, Paris! [They clap] EMILY: I'm just saying you have pull. Use it. That's what parenting is. LORELAI: Don't know if her family is here, I'm gonna take a picture for Rory. EMILY: She looks up to you, and when a child looks up to you and has a difficult decision to make, you tell her what to do. LORELAI: That's not how I do it. EMILY: So you're just content... RICHARD: Emily, please. Rory is next. MAN: Roberta Gelson. LORELAI: [To Chris] Honey, tell me what time it is. I told everyone I'd notice the exact time so that when we do the re-enactment they would have the... RICHARD: Lorelai, I will note the time. I will take the photo. You just sit there and enjoy your daughter's graduation from Yale. This is as much your moment as Rory's. Enjoy it. MAN: Lorelai Leigh Gilmore. [Rory receves her diploma.] LORELAI: Yay, Rory! [Lorelai yells out as she stands and claps over come with emotion, Rory looks over to see Lorelai and Chris standing and clapping.] YALE [Later, they are taking photo's, Chris is behind the camera.] RICHARD: All right, everyone. Say "Fromage." LORELAI: Dad. EMILY: Must you always do that? LORELAI: Entertain them with that in the Great War? CHRISTOPHER: [Takes the photo] Got it. RICHARD: Excellent. EMILY: All right what other combinations haven't we done? RORY: Um, duh. Me, mom, and dad. EMILY: "Duh"? That's our Yale graduate. LORELAI: She meant "Doy". RICHARD: All right. Everybody, everybody say... AS A GROUP: Don't! RICHARD: ...Whatever you like. [Takes the photo] Got it. EMILY: Good, make sure you save it. You erased the last one. RICHARD: I don't trust these things. RORY: [Seeing Logan] I'll be right back. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, Richard, Emily, can I get one with you guys? [Meanwhile Rory approaches Logan, who is talking to someone.] LOGAN: Thank you. Good to see you. [Too Rory] Hey. Congratulations. RORY: Thanks. LOGAN: Yeah you did great -- no tripping, no dropping the diploma. RORY: No, nothing like that. LOGAN: I remember when I graduated. I was a little tipsy -- that's a big surprise, huh? -- And I did trip, and I reached out and grabbed the robe of Marcia Hadley, who was so not the person to grab. RORY: Logan... I'm sorry... I can't. I love you. You know how much I love you. I love the idea of being married to you... but... there are just a lot of things right now in my life that are undecided. And that used to scare me, but now I-I kind of like the idea that...it's just all kind of...wide open. And if I married you, it just wouldn't be. LOGAN: So, what? I go to San Francisco, you stay on the east, and we see each other occasionally? RORY: Well, we can try long distance. We've done it before. LOGAN: You really think that's gonna work? RORY: I think it would be hard, but... LOGAN: I don't want to do that, Rory. I don't want to go backwards. If we can't take the next step... RORY: What? LOGAN: I mean... RORY: Does it have to be all or nothing? LOGAN: Yeah, it does. RORY: But we could at least try. LOGAN: What's the point? RORY: So... LOGAN: So... [Rory hand the engagement ring back, Logan reluctantly takes it.] goodbye, Rory. [Logan walks away, Rory looks sad but not crying.] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT RORY: Okay. Just one more trip. LORELAI: No! I can't. This is why we don't exercise. It's too exhausting. RORY: Well it wouldn't be so exhausting if we exercised. LORELAI: Oh, darn your college-graduate logic. How you doing, honey? RORY: Uh, okay. LORELAI: Yeah? RORY: Well, I'm not okay. I feel awful. I feel sick. I miss him already. LORELAI: I know. RORY: And it just sucks, you know, because I graduated today. This was supposed to be a happy day in my life, and now when I look back on it, I'm just gonna think about this horrible thing that happened. LORELAI: I'm sorry. I think you made the right decision. RORY: You do? LORELAI: I do. Someday you'll meet someone, and you'll just know it's right. You won't want to hesitate. You'll just know. RORY: I hope so. LORELAI: I really do believe it. RORY: So I guess no avocado trees. LORELAI: Well, no avocado tree. RORY: You know, I think I'll get my own avocado tree. LORELAI: See? You could get your own cherry tree, get your own peanut tree, just have peanut butter all day long. RORY: Peanuts don't grown on trees. They grow under the ground. LORELAI: Whatever. My point is you can have anything you want. RORY: Oh, yes. It's wide open. [Rory takes the last box out, looks at the apartment one last time. Rory sighs as she turns out the light and closes the door.] LORELAI: What do you mean, peanuts don't grow on trees? RORY: Mom, trust me. I'm a college graduate.

Lorelai and Christopher are reunited at a party Emily and Richard throw in honor of Rory's graduation. Logan surprises everyone at the party by proposing to Rory, but she is too shocked to give him an answer. Then, on graduation day, Rory and Paris receive their diplomas, and Rory finally gives Logan her answer and says no. Meanwhile, Lorelai is embarrassed about her recent karaoke serenade to Luke, and Luke is hurt when he overhears her saying it didn't mean anything.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_03x13

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_03x13_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] FAST FORWARD TO: [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SIDEWALK OUT FRONT OF RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (A boy and a girl kiss out on the front sidewalk.) Teenaged Girl: I'm so sorry. Teenaged Boy: I got to go, baby. (He pulls away from her and starts to walk away.) Teenaged Girl: I'll call you tomorrow. (The camera moves beyond them and into the house next door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (TRAVIS PHELPS plays a video game on the television.) Matthew Phelps: Get it off. I'm not going to say it again. Travis Phelps: Dad, just five more minutes and I'll be on level nine. Matthew Phelps: Now! (AIMEE PHELPS walks out into the living room in her pajamas.) Aimee Phelps: Dad! You said I can watch nickelodeon. Matthew Phelps: You've watched enough tv for tonight. It's time to go to bed. Aimee Phelps: How come he doesn't have to? Matthew Phelps: Both of you, bed now! (AIMEE PHELPS turns around and stomps off to her room. MATTHEW PHELPS walks up to the television set and turns it off.) Travis Phelps: Dad! You got to save it first! Matthew Phelps: This game saves it automatically. (TRAVIS PHELPS stands up to go to bed. He passes by the table and grabs the can of soda.) Matthew Phelps: Oh, no, no, you know how much sugar's in that thing? (As MATTHEW PHELPS stands to take the can of soda, gunshots burst in through the living room window.) Matthew Phelps: Get down! (MATTHEW PHELPS dives for his son and covers him. The gunfire continues.) (Outside, tires screech by.) Matthew Phelps: (shouts) Son, are you all right? (His son, scared out of his wits, doesn't answer. MATTHEW PHELPS looks up.) Matthew Phelps: Aimee? (MATTHEW climbs to his feet and runs to his daughter's room. Matthew Phelps: Aimee! Aimee! Aim .. (He turns the corner and sees her room in shambles. The bullets tore through everything. And on the bed is his little girl, dead.) WHITE FLASH TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PHELPS RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (The lights of the Emergency vehicles parked in the driveway flash in the night. A large crowd of neighbors and curious on-lookers has gathered outside the taped off area.) (WARRICK and GRISSOM make their way toward BRASS.) Warrick: Hey. Grissom: Didn't you grow up in this neighborhood? Warrick: Yeah, not too far away. My grandmother still lives down the block. Lot of familiar faces. Man: Hey, Brown, you going to find the guy who did this? Warrick: We're going to do our jobs. Brass: Jason Gilbert. Shot through and through. He going to be all right, though. Warrick: What was he doing here? Brass: Visiting his girlfriend next door. He hit the deck when the shooting started. Didn't see a car. Grissom: Drive-by. His girlfriend see anything? Brass: Nobody saw a thing. Little girl inside wasn't so lucky. Aimee Phelps, age nine. (WARRICK starts at the name.) Warrick: Phelps? Brass: Father operates a rec center down the block. (WARRICK heads for the house. GRISSOM notes WARRICK'S response.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (MATTHEW PHELPS holds a doll tightly in his hands. His head is lowered and his eyes closed.) (WARRICK walks into the room.) Warrick: What happened, man? Matthew Phelps: They killed my baby. (He puts his head down and starts to cry. WARRICK puts a supportive hand on the man's shoulder.) Warrick: (softly) I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. (GRISSOM walks into the house and as he does with any other crime scene, he starts looking around.) Warrick: I got here as quick as I could. What happened? Matthew Phelps: Cops said they were aiming at some white kid. I thought I was making a difference. (MATTHEW PHELPS closes his eyes and starts to cry again.) Warrick: You are making a difference. I'm living proof. I'm sorry. (GRISSOM walks further into the house and notes the bullet hole in the bookshelf.) (Quick CGI POV to: Camera zooms forward taking the path of the bullet, through the cabinet, through the wall, through the pillow, and finally lodging in the little girl. End of CGI POV.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE - AIMEE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM appears in the bedroom doorway. He walks inside and approaches the little girl's body on the bed. He kneels down next to the body and turns on his flashlight, noting the bullet hole under her chin.) (GRISSOM also notes the bullet hole in the wall. He stands up and goes to look at it. WARRICK appears in the doorway. He sees the body on the bed. He pulls out his gloves and sits down on the bed. He reaches out to touch the body. GRISSOM turns around and notes WARRICK'S behavior.) (WARRICK sighs.) Grissom: You going to be able to handle this? (WARRICK looks up at GRISSOM.) Warrick: (grimly) I want this case. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (WARRICK examines the empty display shelf.) Warrick: Matt told me his house was broken into about a week ago. They took all of his awards, his medals. Everything in this case. I hope whoever took it, it meant as much to them as it did to him. (GRISSOM examines the bullet holes in the wall. He sighs.) Grissom: Well, we're obviously looking for an automatic. Warrick: No doubt. All this damage. Grissom: The bullets went through the glass, shed their jackets or disintegrated completely on impact with the wall. (Quick CGI POV of the bullet hitting the wall and disintegrating. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Grissom: All we have left are lead cores, which are of no comparison value. (GRISSOM and WARRICK look up as the Coroners remove the body.) Grissom: The only bullet that may help us is inside that little girl. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HYPERTRIX -- NIGHT] (NICK and DET. SAM VEGA walk up toward the business' front door.) Nick: Hypertrix? Sounds like a breakfast cereal. Vega: Some internet service thing. I stopped thinking about that stuff when I found out my NASDAQ fund was worth less than my son's comic book collection. Nick: Dot com ... dot bomb. Vega: The office floor where the DB's located is restricted-- authorized employees only. Nick: I'll need the access log. Vega: I already spoke to building security. (VEGA hands NICK a sheet of paper.) Nick: Cool. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HYPERTRIX - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (DET. VEGA and NICK enter the office floor. The room is completely white.) Vega: Night shift started at 6:00 P.M. Nick: And since then, four people have entered the building, and nobody left. Vega: Three of them are still breathing. (They stop in front of a secured door with a card key access. VEGA slips the card key through the reader. The door beeps, then opens.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HYPERTRIX - COMPUTER ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (The door opens and NICK and DET. VEGA walk in. Immediately, NICK feels the temperature change.) Nick: Ooh. Hey, David. (DAVID PHILLIPS is already inside the room kneeling before the body taking the body temperature.) David Phillips: Nick. Cool enough in here for you? Nick: I'll manage. Most computers dissipate over two thirds of the energy they consume as heat. A/C's here for them, not the worker bees. Vega: Victim's name's Garret Kwan. Job title, CTO. Nick: Chief Technology Officer. T.O.D.? (DAVID PHILLIPS looks at the digital temperature gauge. It reads 86.3 degrees F.) David Phillips: Ambient here's about 65 degrees, which makes core temp drop roughly two degrees per hour. Figure he's been dead five to seven hours. Nick: Apparent blunt force trauma. Minimal seepage around the wound. No blood on the floor. The paramedics roll him? David Phillips: Uh, yeah. Said they found him face down, head towards the rack. Nick: (to VEGA) Any sign of a weapon? Vega: Nothing obvious. No windows. Only one way in or out. Nick: Yeah, but there's plenty of places to hide. (Quick flashback to: Someone hitting GARRETT KWAN over the back of the head from behind. He takes the hit and goes down. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: Okay. One dead boss. Three live employees. I like the odds. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (Evidence markers #2 & #3 are put down on the ground next to blood spatter out on the sidewalk.) Brass: So, Jason Gilbert, the kid who was shot, not too popular in the neighborhood. Just in a fight last week, down the street. Warrick: Yeah? Brass: Uh-huh. Warrick: You saw his girl. She was hot. They're probably macking on her. (pause) Matt said he heard tires screech. Brass: Mm-hmm. Warrick: And the bullets went from right to left. Brass: Uh-huh. (BRASS figures it out and points somewhere to WARRICK'S left.) Over there? (WARRICK turns his head and they both head in that direction. They find a mailbox overturned.) Brass: You know, it's a federal offense to be messing with the postal service. Warrick: Took that corner pretty hard, huh? Brass: Yeah. (WARRICK takes a picture of the overturned mailbox. He picks the mailbox up and turns it right-side up.) Brass: Doesn't that dent look a little high to you? Like a truck or an SUV? (WARRICK takes a picture of the dent.) (Quick flashback to: An SUV rounds the corner, tires screeching and hits the mailbox, making the dent and knocking it over. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: Yeah. Brass: I'm not just another pretty face, you know. Warrick: There's a silver paint transfer, though, right here. (WARRICK points to the portion of the dent where the mailbox made contact with the vehicle.) Officer: Captain. Brass: Yeah? (They both turn around.) Officer: Just got a call. PJ's tavern, a few block away. Guy was brandishing an automatic weapon. They're holding him at the site. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. P.J.'S TAVERN -- NIGHT] (The Owner of the Tavern talks to the OFFICER. WARRICK and BRASS approach them.) Owner: This guy's a punk. Brass: Hey, tell me what you're telling him. Owner: (pointing) This guy's no good. He's been in here before, and every time it's trouble, so this time, I exercised my right not to serve him. You know what the little freak does? Lifts up his jacket, and shows me a piece. I tell him to take a hike. (WARRICK looks over at GENE JAYCOBS who has suddenly taken an interest in WARRICK. His eyes never leave WARRICK.) Brass: Yeah? (WARRICK notes with interest the semi-automatic weapon that the OFFICER confiscated from GENE JAYCOBS.) Owner: Then he proceeds to tell me how I better watch my back, 'cause it wouldn't be the first time tonight he killed somebody. Brass: No kidding. All right. Warrick: Jay ... Jacobs? Owner: No, it's Gene Jaycobs. Warrick: Gene Jaycobs. I knew that kid. I went to school with him. He got kicked out. Brass: Okay, let's see what the lad has to say for himself. Thanks a lot. (WARRICK puts on his latex gloves as he and BRASS head for GENE JAYCOBS.) Brass: Hey, Gene! What's happening! Uncuff him. Gene Jaycobs: (to WARRICK) Do I know you? Warrick: (doesn't answer the question) Put your hands out in front of you. Gene Jaycobs: (nods) Oh, it's like that, huh? (WARRICK takes a sample off of GENE JAYCOBS' hands.) Warrick: I can process this now. It would tell me if you fired a gun within the last couple of hours. But I'm going to take this back to the lab, make you sweat it out. Brass: Okay, officer, I think someone needs their cuffs put back on. (The officers put the handcuffs back on GENE JAYCOBS. WARRICK walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HYPERTRIX - WHITE OFFICE -- NIGHT] (TODD BENTON sits down in his chair.) Todd Benton: I know what that is. You're checking me for blood spatter. I watch the discovery channel. (beat) I found the body, I called the police. Not too smart, if I'm the one who killed the guy. (TODD BENTON is talking to the wall. Or rather, he's practicing to himself. He pauses and evaluates what he says.) Todd Benton: (quietly): That's good. (He stands up a little ... just enough to look over the wall. He sees NICK and DET. VEGA standing on the far end of the room. He sits back down.) Todd Benton: (muttering) Not too ... not too smart, if I'm the one who ... (NICK and DET. VEGA approach TODD BENTON'S desk.) Nick: Mr. Benton, could you stand up for me, please? (TODD BENTON stands. NICK takes out his ALS and checks for blood. Just as he rehearsed, TODD BENTON runs through his lines.) Todd Benton: I know what that ... is. I know what that is. You're checking me for blood spatter. I watch the discovery channel. Look, I ... I found the body, I called the police. Not too smart, if I'm the one who killed the guy. Vega: Thanks for pointing that out. When was the last time you saw Garret Kwan? Todd Benton: I didn't; not tonight. I was working. Working halfway to carpal tunnel syndrome. So-called ergonomic chairs. Should be a crime, if you ask me. The chairs are ... okay, you know, it's, it's not like my office has a good view of the door. You should be talking to Charlie. Charlie has the good view. Nick: Charlie? (TODD BENTON points to the desk behind NICK. NICK turns around and sees the empty desk. He looks back at TODD BENTON.) Todd Benton: Yeah, okay, yeah, um, Charlie ... Charlie doesn't work here anymore, so that doesn't really help you. Nick: Could you hold your hands out for me, please? SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HYPERTRIX - WHITE OFFICES -- NIGHT] (NICK is checking out ANDERS MOLYNEAUX. He checks a swab.) Nick: Pretty easy to see the door to the server farm from here. Anders Molyneaux: That is a fact. And here's another. I didn't see anything. I was coding. Link. Compile. Debug. All night. The work absorbs me. Vega: What kind of work? Anders Molyneaux: My code monitors internet traffic and server load. Nick: So you make your computer watch other computers that other people are watching? Anders Molyneaux: Just because you can't see the beauty in data flow doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Vega: What was your relationship to Garret Kwan? Anders Molyneaux: I'm employee number seven. Kwan was employee number six. Big brain by reputation, my boss by random chance. (NICK looks at VEGA. VEGA nods.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HYPERTRIX - WHITE OFFICES -- NIGHT] (NICK and VEGA question SERENA CHASE.) Serena Chase: You know, they, um, they confiscated all my murder weapons when I left Microsoft, so I don't know if you'll find anything. Nick: Yeah, you don't exactly fit the corporate image. Serena Chase: Well, it's my image, the company doesn't get a say in it. Vega: Looks like you get special treatment around here. Serena Chase: Yeah, well, I earn it. I optimize 'net infrastructure. I saved this company $8.3 mill last year. Got a five-figure bonus. And, uh, yes, I did see Garret go into the server farm around 6:00, 6:30. Nick: So your boss is laying there dead for five and a half hours plus, and you never even notice he's gone. Serena Chase: Oh ... well, I mean, nobody else did, either. Look, I was, you know ... Nick: Working. Serena Chase: That is what we do here. Nick: (smiles) Right. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (ROBBINS goes over AIMEE PHELPS with GRISSOM. ) Robbins: Bullet entered through the throat, severing the spinal column. C2's adjacent to the brain stem. Sever that, respiration shuts down, resulting in almost immediate death. (ROBBINS picks up the bullet. Camera zooms in on the bullet.) Robbins: Wood splinters embedded in the jacket. Grissom: Well, it went through a bookcase. Nine millimeter. (ROBBINS puts the bullet in the bindle GRISSOM is holding.) Grissom: Thanks. (GRISSOM stands and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY / BALLISTICS LAB -- NIGHT (GRISSOM walks through the hallway carrying the bindle. In the background, there's a muffled gunfire. Water splashes in a tank.) (GRISSOM rounds the corner and enters the Ballistics Lab where WARRICK and BOBBY DAWSON are testing the gun.) (BOBBY DAWSON opens the tank and retrieves the bullet. He closes the tank and heads for the scope. He looks up and sees GRISSOM. WARRICK takes off his goggles and walks toward the group.) (GRISSOM puts the bullet in a container of detergent. (BOBBY DAWSON takes the bullet out of the container and looks at both of them under the scope. He lines up the bullets and its a match.) Bobby Dawson: All right. Bingo. Your bullet came from that gun. Grissom: You're sure. Bobby Dawson: Yeah, I'm sure. Warrick: We got him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- NIGHT] (BRASS questions GENE JAYCOBS.) Brass: So, Jason Gilbert -- what did he ever do to you? Gene Jaycobs: Drawing a blank. Brass: The kid you shot! Gene Jaycobs: I didn't shoot nobody, man. Brass: Jason's girlfriend told us that you were practically stalking her. She must have turned you down a hundred times. You didn't like that, did you? Gene Jaycobs: Is that what she told you? Brass: Yeah. Gene Jaycobs: Lying bitch! I found that gun! (Quick flashback to: GENE JAYCOBS picking up the gun from the ground.) Gene Jaycobs: Damn! Gene Jaycobs: (V.O.) Gun was jammed, I cleared it. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: You cleared it, all right-- into Mr. Phelps's home, killing his daughter! Gene Jaycobs: (stands up) No, it was the last bullet. Brass: What are you talking about? You threatened a bartender with an empty gun? Gene Jaycobs: He didn't know that. I can show you where I found it: Alleyway behind Washington Avenue ... [SCENE_BREAK] [OBSERVATION ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] Gene Jaycobs: (over speaker) ... Next to a big yellow dumpster. Warrick: Oh, come on. That's it? That's his genius story? Grissom: We only found a small amount of GSR on his hands. Could have been transfer from just picking up the murder weapon. Warrick: He's lying. (GRISSOM turns to look at WARRICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GENE JAYCOBS' RESIDENCE -- DAY] (WARRICK exits the residence. Other Officers leave carrying boxes of stuff. WARRICK meets up with GRISSOM.) Warrick: Our shooter isn't only a liar, he's a thief. Found tons of electronic equipment in there, still in the boxes. Grissom: Well, either he's buying in bulk, or that stuff's hot. Warrick: No guns or ammo. But I do have his car keys. (GRISSOM and WARRICK walk down the stairs to the car. They unlock the car. The car alarm chirps.) (GRISSOM looks inside the car.) Grissom: I'm afraid the only bullets in here are silver bullets. (WARRICK looks outside the car for damage.) Warrick: I may have something here. The shooter's vehicle took out a mailbox. The dent's in the right spot, and the car is the right silver color Grissom: You got any paint transfer? Warrick: Nothing visible. Grissom: Call auto detail. We'll tow it back to the lab. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (DAVID PHILLIPS goes over the preliminary findings with NICK.) David Phillips: Blow came from an object roughly rectangular in shape, resulting in a depressed fracture of the parietal bone, (DAVID points to the wound at the back of the deceased's head.) (Quick flashback to: Someone standing behind GARRET KWAN, hits him on the back of the head, he falls to the ground.) (Quick CGI POV to: Camera zooms into the wound and to the skull where blood seeps through.) David Phillips: (V.O.) ... with radiating linear fractures extending outward from the point of impact. (End of CGI POV. End of flashback. Resume to present.) David Phillips: Based on the fracture pattern, I'd say it was a single strike to the head. Nick: Explains the lack of spatter at the scene. David Phillips: First hit's free. Nick: Killer knew what he was doing. (DAVID turns around to pick up something he found. He shows it to NICK.) David Phillips: And, uh, take a look at this. Black plastic. Found it in the wound. Nick: Possible transfer from a murder weapon? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) -- DAY [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. 26th STREET RECREATION CENTER -- DAY] (WARRICK walks over to MATTHEW PHELPS who is painting the side of the building.) Warrick: Hey. (MATTHEW PHELPS stops painting and turns around.) Matthew Phelps: I heard you got the shooter. Warrick: It's not that simple. Matthew Phelps: You think it's him? Warrick: We got all our guys on this, Matt, all right? Matthew Phelps: Yeah. (MATTHEW PHELPS turns around and resumes painting. WARRICK watches as a group of kids jog by wearing football uniforms.) Warrick: You still using them same old uniforms? (He stops painting and turns around to talk with WARRICK.) Matthew Phelps: That stuff's expensive, man. Warrick: Yeah. Matthew Phelps: But we managed to get the basketball court tarmacked, thanks to contributions from folk like you. Warrick: Hey, I ain't stupid. I know where I came from. I wouldn't be anywhere, if it weren't for this place. Matthew Phelps: Well, you was always going places. You just lacked discipline. Warrick: Still do. I don't recognize this ugly-ass gang symbol. Matthew Phelps: You know, it's, it's hard to keep up with it all. I just don't know anymore. What with all the break-ins ... Warrick: Break-ins?! Matthew Phelps: Rec center's van was stolen a couple days ago. How am I going to tell these kids that they can't play in the semifinals 'cause I got no way of getting them there? Warrick: I'll look into it for you, all right? We'll get them there. When's Aimee's service? Matthew Phelps: Wednesday. Warrick: Matt, if there's anything I can do ... Matthew Phelps: Just get me five minutes alone with the shooter. Just five minutes. I know it's not going to bring Aimee back ... but I can't sleep at night, knowing that he's still breathing out there. Can you? (WARRICK'S cell phone rings. He answers it.) Warrick: Brown. Grissom: (on phone) Jaycobs has an alibi. Warrick: What? Grissom: (on phone) Meet me in PD. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (WARRICK and MATTHEW PHELPS walk into the Police Department.) Grissom: Mr. Phelps, it's good to see you again, sir. (to WARRICK) Would you excuse us a moment? Warrick. (They walk to the side.) Grissom: What's he doing here? Warrick: If Jaycobs is going to slip through our fingers, I need someone else to explain to him what went wrong. Grissom: This was not a good idea. (WARRICK looks over and sees a man standing in BRASS' office.) Warrick: That's supposed to be his alibi? Grissom: David Artiss. Says he was with our suspect the night of the drive-by. Says he dropped him off at PJ's tavern right before we picked him up. Says he also saw him find the mac. Warrick: Clothes he slept in, bloodshot eyes. The guy's a junkie, Grissom. You can see it, I can see it, and the jury will see it. (BRASS joins WARRICK and GRISSOM.) Brass: DA listened to the alibi's statement. He knows it's questionable, but, uh ... Warrick: But what? Brass: Half an hour before the house was shot up, Jaycobs and his alibi were at the sports chalet. Warrick: Come on. Brass: Salesperson remembered seeing both of them. They bought a baseball bat. Artiss even has the receipt. Warrick: Sports chalet is ten minutes away. That's no alibi. Brass: I don't know. After what the DA heard, he said he's not going to file charges. Doesn't want the clock to tick. Warrick: So that's it? As easy as that, he walks. (The hallway door opens and GENE JAYCOBS walks out. MATTHEW PHELPS stands off to the side and sees him walk out into the hallway.) Brass: Look at it this way -- you have more time to build your case. Matthew Phelps: Is that him? Why are they letting him go? Why are they letting him go?! What are you guys doing? (MATTHEW PHELPS sees GENE JAYCOBS and completely looses it. WARRICK stands in the middle and holds the man off. He pushes MATTHEW PHELPS out of the hallway.) Warrick: Not here. C'mon. Matthew Phelps: What are you doing?! He killed my daughter! Warrick: C'mon. We're going to cool off. (WARRICK gets MATTHEW PHELPS out of the hallway.) Brass: (to GRISSOM) They're going to put Jaycobs in protective custody to avoid repercussions in the community. Where are we going to put Warrick? (GRISSOM turns to look at BRASS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (ARCHIE and NICK walk into the lab carrying boxes of evidence. They put the boxes on the table.) Archie: ... Cool-looking office. It was kind of fun being out in the field. Pulling drives, collecting evidence ... flashing I.D. I think I got a flair for it. Nick: You bucking for a promotion? Archie: Not bucking ... nudging. You know people put their lives on these hard drives? Nick: Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm counting on. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (ARCHIE works on the hard drives taken from HYPERTRIX. NICK goes through a palm pilot. He finds a photograph of SERENA CHASE.) Nick: Hey, Arch. (ARCHIE turns around to see the photo on the palm pilot.) Archie: (smiles) Wow! Serena. Can defrag my hard drive anytime. (NICK smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- DAY] (NICK holds out the photographs taken from SERENA CHASE'S palm pilot. She looks at them and smiles.) Nick: Are these, uh, business e-mails? I'm a little confused. Serena Chase: No, um ... this is actually harmless fun, so... Vega: Court documents Garret Kwan was suing you for sexual harassment. Serena Chase: Are you, um, familiar with the term "spurious"? Vega: Are you familiar with the term "murder suspect"? Serena Chase: I was just trying to let him know I was available, okay? Low pressure. The guy freaked out, he thought I was trying to get him into some bogus lawsuit, so he preempted me with one of his own. It's called a scare tactic. Nick: Scared to lose your job? Your five-figure bonus? Vega: Scared enough to kill him? Serena Chase: Okay, look, I was flirting with the guy. I will e-mail you with the number from my lawyer. (She stands up and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (WARRICK searches GENE JAYCOBS' car. He looks inside the front seat. Frustrated that he's not finding anything, he throws the cup down and slams the front passenger door shut.) (WARRICK checks out the back seat. He hits the back seat and hears a hollow sound. He looks under the seat and finds a bag full of items. He pulls the bag out. He opens the bag and finds the missing trophies from MATTHEW PHELPS' house.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (WARRICK enters the lab carrying the bag of tropies.) Warrick: (angry) This guy's been in Matt's house. Grissom: What is this? (WARRICK puts the bag on GRISSOM'S lab table and opens it. He starts pulling out trophies and showing them to GRISSOM.) Warrick: Matt's team won this three years ago. This trophy was given to the rec center last year. I found all this stuff in Jaycobs' car. (GRISSOM stands up.) Grissom: Well, if this is evidence, it needs to be tagged and catalogued. Warrick: This is the same guy who shot Matt's daughter in the head. He's walking around laughing at us. Grissom: Can you prove that? Warrick: (yelling) What is this? I've been putting guys away like this for years. And now that it matters, it's like you're holding me back here. (He's getting louder. GREG and another office worker come out of their labs to see what's going on.) Grissom: The job, Warrick, is to process evidence. Objectively, and without prejudice. Warrick: I'm so tired of hearing that. I've heard it a million times. I can't be like you. I'm not a robot, okay? (This surprises GRISSOM.) Warrick: I actually care about these people. (JACQI FRANCO in her lab pushes her chair to see what's going on.) (GRISSOM doesn't argue with WARRICK.) Grissom: You know what? You're not working on this case anymore. I'll have another assignment for you tomorrow. Warrick: Keep it. (WARRICK picks up the bag of trophies and leaves the lab. He pushes the mail cart aside as he storms out the hallway.) (GRISSOM watches WARRICK leave.) (LAB TECHS head back into their labs as WARRICK walks by. GRISSOM turns his head and looks at BOBBY DAWSON in the ballistics lab.) Grissom: Where were we? Bobby Dawson: At a dead end. Grissom: Go back to work. (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB / HALLWAY] (NICK walks through the hallway carrying a file folder. GREG leans on the door frame and calls out to him.) Greg: Hey, Stokes? Nick: Yeah? (GREG motions to him.) Greg: We got to talk. Nick: Hey, did you I.D. that scraping from my vic's head wound yet? Greg: Yeah, yeah, it's a common plastic, polyethylterephthalate -- P.E.T.-- Used in everything from garbage bags to magnetic tape to floppy disks. Nick: Okay, thanks. (NICK turns to walk away. GREG stops him.) Greg: Yeah, but that's not what I wanted to talk about. Nick: What, then? (GREG motions for NICK to come into his lab. Amused, NICK steps forward.) Greg: Look, I thought that we had a relationship. What are you doing taking Archie out into the field, instead of me? Nick: (laughs) It's the right tool for the right job, man. You have to understand the world you're investigating. Hey, Archie. Archie: (lifts his head) Yeah? Nick: Hey, what's that star trek episode where the guy's got the forehead thingy, and the time portal ... ? Archie: In Classic, TNG, DS9, Voyager or Enterprise? (NICK looks back at GREG.) Greg: Point taken. (GREG slips back into his lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB -- CONTINUOUS] Archie: ... Or were you thinking about Farscape? Nick: I have no idea what you are talking about. Archie: It doesn't matter. Look, I got something to show you here. I found this on Anders' computer. Nick: What is this, a video game? Archie: No, it's actually an FRPG: "Fantasy role-playing game." You see, players use avatars to represent themselves in a fantasy world. There's Serena, Todd, and Kwan in this alternate universe conjuring up a gateway, which summons a beast-like Anders, who decapitates Kwan. Nick: You know a lot about this stuff, don't you? Archie: Mm-hmm. Nick: You got to get a girlfriend. (NICK leaves. ARCHIE turns around to look at NICK.) Archie: You first. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HYPERTRIX] (NICK and VEGA question ANDERS MOLYNEAUX.) Anders Molyneaux: It was merely a game. An entertainment. Nick: Nah, it's more like a place where you can play god, right? Maybe treat people the way you wish you could treat them in real life? Vega: Virtual murder is not quite as satisfying as the real thing, is it? Nick: You look a little uncomfortable, Mr. Molyneaux. Anders Molyneaux: This office is always uncomfortable. Ventilation sucks. I put Kwan in my game because I was upset. Nick: Upset about what? Anders Molyneaux: I was designing characters for a new multi-player Sim ... on company time. Kwan found out ... somehow. Man always seems to be one step ahead of his underlings. Nick: How? Anders Molyneaux: If I'd known, he would've been working for me. In this instance, he informed the board. Unauthorized use of bandwidth. Nearly got me fired. Vega: But you didn't kill him. Anders Molyneux: No. Am I sorry he's gone? No. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SIDE STREET -- DAY] (GRISSOM stands up. He's inside the yellow trash bin. He jumps out of the trash bin and looks at the ground. Driving up on the side road is a police car.) (He looks up and sees the Police Car stop on the street. The officers exit the car.) Grissom: What's going on, fellas? Officer: Possible burglary. Homeowner's on vacation. Neighbor called it in last night. Just getting around to it. (to the other officer) I may have to climb over. (GRISSOM watches the officers. he looks at the driveway gate and pushes it open.) (The driveway gate opens startling the officers. GRISSOM looks at them from the other side of the gate. The officers walk in. They look at the large broken window.) (GRISSOM notices something. One of the iron points on the gate is broken.) (Quick flashback to: A car drives by and a gun is tossed out its window. The gun hits the iron point, bending it and breaking the gun at the same time. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM starts looking around. On the ground he finds a bullet with a dent on it.) (The officer notices GRISSOM and calls out to him.) Officer: What have you got? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (An evidence bindle hits the table.) Grissom: Stovepipe. Possibly jammed in our murder weapon. Never fired, never exposed to the heat. Jacqui Franco: And you're thinking there might be a recoverable print. Grissom: Yes. Jacqui Franco: Dare to dream. (GRISSOM turns and heads out the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (NICK pulls down a box labeled: KWAN, GARRET / 003-4851. He opens the box and goes through the bags inside. He takes out a CD disk container. He opens it and looks at it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (ARCHIE and NICK go through the disks.) Archie: Well, you were right. Kwanspy. On every employee's computer. Program runs in the background, invisible. Copies documents, e-mails, every keystroke. Nick: Then transfers the data to Kwan's machine. Big brother. Archie: Company owns a network, company owns what's on it. Sick, but legal. Nick: Well, knowledge is power. Kwan had his computer set up to auto-burn a new disk every night-- here. This was made the night of the murder. If we found out o was away from their desk at the time of death ... we got our killer. (NICK hands ARCHIE a disk. ARCHIE runs it and looks at the data.) Archie: Nick, based on these time stamps, everybody in that office was working when Garret Kwan was killed. Nick: Great. We just eliminated all of our suspects. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OFFICE -- NIGHT] (WARRICK is alone in an office. He's on the telephone.) Warrick: Assistant District Attorney Kelly's office, please. This is Warrick Brown. (pause) Oh, he's not in? Okay. Well, maybe you can help me out. I, uh, I have Gene Jaycobs' personal belongings, and I need to get them returned to him. I need his relocated address. (pause) Yeah, I know it's not standard procedure but, uh, I missed him at lockup, and I'm going to be in hot water if I don't get this stuff back to him, so ... good. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS MOTEL -- NIGHT] (WARRICK goes to the motel.) (Cut to: WARRICK makes his way toward the room door. He knocks on the door to room #12 and waits for GENE JAYCOBS to open the door.) (He pounds on the door. The door opens.) Warrick: It's just me. Nobody here. Got no heater. Gene Jaycobs: Well, w-hat, what, what can I do for you, Mr. Brown? Warrick: I just thought I'd come by and let you know we're going to get you for robbery, if not murder. By the time you get to lockup, every roughneck in the joint is going to know you off'ed a nine-year-old little girl. (GENE JAYCOBS snickers.) Gene Jaycobs: You know, in school, you were a nerd, Brown. You were, remember? Every kid there used to beat your ass. Thick glasses, hand-me-down clothes, always with a book in your hand, like you were better than everybody else. Nigga, I ain't scared of you. Warrick: Want to step outside, then? (WARRICK backs out of the room.) (GENE JAYCOBS looks at WARRICK, then slams the door shut.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DESERT PALM HOSPITAL - NIGHT] (GENE JAYCOBS is in the hospital room. He's beaten up pretty badly.) Dr. Lewis: Fractured nasal bone, fracture of the right zygomatic arch extending into the maxilla. Fracture of the right anterior ribs... Brass: (to phone) Assistant D.A.'s office, please. Dr. Lewis: Who found him? Brass: Motel manager called it in. No weapon was found at the scene. Dr. Lewis: Thank god his assailant only used his fists. Given the severity of force, anything else would have killed him Brass: Thank you, doctor. (to phone) Yeah, this is Jim Brass. I'm at Desert Palm Hospital. I'm looking at a half dead Gene Jaycobs. Now, only two people knew where he was. That was you and me. You want to tell me how the hell this could happen? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM throws a stack of photographs on the table in front of WARRICK. He doesn't say anything. WARRICK picks up the photos of GENE JAYCOBS' injuries. He's in shock.) Warrick: What, you think I did this? Grissom: I don't jump to conclusions. Warrick: Well, I didn't. (pause) I'd just to shake the hand of the guy that did, though. Grissom: Well, you may get a chance. (GRISSOM puts the police report in front of WARRICK.) Your new assignment. Check out the pattern in the center of this contusion. It's probative. (WARRICK picks up the photograph of the indention in GENE JAYCOB'S injury.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HYPERTRIX - COMPUTER ROOM] (NICK and DET. VEGA stand in the room.) Nick: No suspect. No motive. No weapon. Vega: You don't just spontaneously develop a fatal head wound. Somebody had to kill him. Nick: A guy goes into a room with no windows and no doors. How does he get out? Vega: I don't know. Nick: Same way he got in. You know, there is one thing that comes in and goes out of here all the time. (NICK looks up at the vent.) Nick: Cold air. (Cut to: NICK climbs up the ladder and checks out the vent.) Vega: Anything? Nick: Just black P.E.T., As far as the eye can see. (Camera zooms in to a tear in the lining.) And a possible transfer. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE -- DAY] (WARRICK questions MATTHEW PHELPS.) Warrick: Where were you last night? Matthew Phelps: Right here, man. Warrick: I'm going to need to see your hands. (TRAVIS walks out into the hallway to see what's going on.) Travis Phelps: Dad? Matthew Phelps: Trav, go to your room. (TRAVIS goes back into his room. MATTHEW PHELPS holds out his hands.) Warrick: Other side. (He flips his hands over. On his hand is a ring. WARRICK pulls out the photograph with the injury on it.) Matthew Phelps: Look, you went there too. That's how I knew where to go. Warrick: But I never touched the guy. Matthew Phelps: (yells) He didn't kill your daughter! Warrick: If he's guilty, we're going to put him away. Matthew Phelps: Yeah, yeah. And then what? Lawyers? Trial? You wait ten years for somebody else's definition of Justice. And they always put the criminal's rights before the victim's. The first good night's sleep I had was last night. Warrick: Eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind? You taught me that. Matthew Phelps: My perspective has changed. Aimee's dead. Warrick: I've got no choice here. My hands are tied. I got to let them bring you in. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (OFFICERS escort MATTHEW PHELPS out of the house. Gathered outside are friends and neighbors. MATTHEW PHELPS looks and sees his son, TRAVIS off in the distance.) Matthew Phelps: It's going to be okay, Trav. I love you, son. (to WARRICK) Look .... make sure they take care of him, all right? Warrick: Of course. Matthew Phelps: All right. (The OFFICERS put MATTHEW PHELPS into the car. The car leaves.) (An OFFICER reports to WARRICK.) Officer: Sir. You, um, asked us to check on a stolen minivan? Warrick: Yeah. Officer: You know, from the rec center? We located it. Warrick: Great, thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROAD -- DAY] (Thunder rolls in the distance. WARRICK approaches the abandoned rec center van. WARRICK puts his gloves on. Inside the back of the van, he sees it immediately. empty bullet casings litter the back seat floor. He picks one up.) (GRISSOM checks out the outside of the van.) Warrick: Hey. Grissom: Blue paint transfer. Possibly from your mailbox? I found a jammed nine millimeter cartridge in the backyard of a house a few doors down from where Jaycobs said he found the gun. Backyard of a house that had been broken into. You said he was a thief, right? Warrick: Yeah. Grissom: See, I think he lied about where he found the gun so we wouldn't know he was breaking into houses. Apart from that, I think he was telling the truth. (Quick flashback to: GENE JAYCOBS and friend breaks the glass window of the house they're going to rob.) (A van speeds by and tosses the gun over the fence and into the yard.) (The gun hits the ground. It catches their attention. GENE JAYCOBS picks the gun up.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: Shall we? (GRISSOM takes a sample of the blue paint on the outside of the van.) (WARRICK checks out the front of the car. On the car floor, he finds an abandoned lollipop stick. He picks it up and looks at it.) Warrick: Grissom. (WARRICK shows the lollipop stick to GRISSOM.) Warrick: Matt used to have this really harsh rule about no eating in the van. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HYPERTRIX] (DET. VEGA knocks on the door to the office.) Hugo Karlin: Yeah? (DET. VEGA and NICK walk in. HUGO KARLIN stands on top of a ladder, his head in the ceiling.) Vega: Hugo Karlin? Hugo Karlin: Yeah, uh, you know what? You guys aren't supposed to be back here. This is a restricted ... Vega: Detective Vega. LVPD. This is Nick Stokes from the crime lab. (He closes the ceiling and gets down from the ladder. NICK checks out the man's toolbelt as he walks down the ladder.) Hugo Karlin: Uh, hey. What's up? Nick: Interesting choice of words. Vega: Facility management says you've been working on the air conditioning above hypertrix. (HUGO KARLIN puts the ladder away. He turns around. Hugo Karlin: Yeah, well, I work this whole building. That's a lot of companies. I-I don't really keep track of the names, I just fix the air. (NICK sees the man's hammer.) Nick: You'd remember this company. It's where you killed a guy ... with that. (Quick flashback to: HUGO KARLIN works on the ceiling vents. As he works, the hammer on his tool belt gets loose and falls down through the vent and hits GARRET KWAN on the head. He falls to his knees on impact. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (VEGA turns to NICK.) Vega: One in a million shot. Nick: It happens. Hugo Karlin: It was an accident. You got to believe me. I, I always keep my hammer right here. I don't even know how it came loose. Nick: Oh, it just came loose, huh? Hugo Karlin: Yes. Nick: Okay. Well, then how'd you pick it up? Hugo Karlin: Um, the same way I close the duct cover. (He goes to the shelf and pulls out a long tool.) Call this my grabby tool. (Quick flashback to: HUGO KARLIN uses his grabby tool to pick up the hammer which is next to GARRET KWAN'S body. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Hugo Karlin: I made it myself. You know, people never notice me when I'm around here, and I just figured that if I covered my tracks, this time wouldn't be any different. (NICK holds out his hand. HUGO KARLIN gives NICK his grabby tool.) Nick: (to VEGA) Why don't you, uh, show him our grabby tool? Vega: You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent ... (DET. VEGA handcuffs HUGO KARLIN.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HYPERTRIX - MAIN COMPUTER OFFICES -- NIGHT] (OFFICERS escort HUGO KARLIN out of the building. DET. VEGA and NICK follow. All the employees watch as they leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (GREG is leaning against the door talking with a lab tech. She's giggling at something he says.) (GRISSOM and WARRICK walk down the hallway toward him. GREG turns around.) Grissom: Greg. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Greg: (to the girl) The world may never know. (The girl giggles. She stops when she looks at GRISSOM. GREG turns back. WARRICK hands the evidence baggie to GREG.) Warrick: Just see if you can get some DNA off of this stick, would you? (When GREG'S back is turned, the girl walks away.) Greg: All work and no play make Greg a dull boy ... (GREG turns around and she's not there.) Grissom: All play and no work make Greg an unemployed boy. (JACQUI FRANCO comes out of her print lab.) Jacqui Franco: Hey, Grissom. Your stovepipe ... (GRISSOM and WARRICK follow her back to the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- NIGHT] (The database runs the print comparison.) Jacqui Franco: Pulled a good thumbprint. Happens sometimes when they load the magazine. (Quick flashback to: A gun is being loaded, a person's thumb presses the bullet into the magazine. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (The search results appear on screen.) Warrick: Tyrel Constantine. Arrested last June for joyriding. Date of birth '87? This guy's a juvie. He's only 15. (GRISSOM looks at WARRICK. WARRICK looks back at GRISSOM. He shakes his head and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY] (BRASS questions TYREL CONSTANTINE. TYREL'S advocate/lawyer and GRISSOM are also in the room.) Brass: So, Tyrel, let me get this straight. You didn't know Jason Gilbert? Tyrel Constantine: I never heard of him. Brass: So you shot someone you didn't know? Tyrel Constantine: Who says I shot anyone? Grissom: That would be me. (TYREL looks over at GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY] (WARRICK questions MATTHEW PHELPS.) Matthew Phelps: Tyrel Constantine. Oh, yeah, I knew him. He used to hang out at the rec center. Warrick: He used to? Matthew Phelps: Until he lost his privileges. Warrick: So you threw him out? Matthew Phelps: He was smoking weed on the field. Showing up late to practice. Starting fights. Warrick: When did this happen? Matthew Phelps: A couple weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM puts the baggie with the lollipop stick on the table in front of TYREL CONSTANTINE.) Grissom: We found your saliva on this lollipop stick in Mr. Phelps's van, and we found your thumbprint on this bullet. (He holds up the evidence baggie with the bullet inside.) Brass: You stole a van from the rec center, didn't you? Grissom: The van wasn't hot-wired, so I think you knew where Mr. Phelps kept his keys. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] Matthew Phelps: Why, why, why are you asking me about Tyrel? Warrick: The vehicle that was used in that drive-by was the van that was stolen from your rec center. (This news surprises MATTHEW PHELPS. WARRICK nods his head.) Matthew Phelps: Oh, god. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] Brass: Look, we know you didn't mean to shoot anyone. It was a stray bullet that hit Aimee Phelps. Tyrel Constantine: I just wanted to scare him. Brass: Scare who? Jason Gilbert? Tyrel Constantine: No. Mr. Phelps. Lawyer: That's it, we're done here. (The LAWYER picks up her things and stands up.) Brass: No, wait, Tyrel, wait. Talk to me. Tyrel Constantine: (louder) They need to know it was an accident. He shouldn't have thrown me out. Pushed me around like that in front of my friends. I just wanted to shake him up. (Quick flashback to: TYREL CONSTANTINE drives the van and fires the gun out the window. He runs into the mail box as he makes the turn. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: So Jason Gilbert was just collateral damage. Tyrel Constantine: I was driving pretty fast, didn't look where I shot. Brass: What about Aimee? (TYREL CONSTANTINE shakes his head and looks down..) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (MATTHEW PHELPS is being escorted back to his cell. As he passes the hallway, the door to the other interrogation room opens and TYREL CONSTANTINE walks out. MATTHEW PHELPS stops and watches. TYREL CONSTANTINE turns around and looks at MATTHEW PHELPS as they lead him down the hallway.) Matthew Phelps: (to WARRICK) I gave up on him. If I hadn't ... Warrick: He gave up on himself. (MATTHEW PHELPS looks at WARRICK. The OFFICER comes by and leads MATTHEW PHELPS away.) (Cut to GRISSOM watches WARRICK from the doorway. WARRICK looks at GRISSOM.) Warrick: (nods) I blew it. Grissom: Yeah. But you're not the one who's paying for it. (GRISSOM turns and walks down the hallway leaving WARRICK standing there.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. 26th STREET REC CENTER - DAY] (WARRICK walks the pathway to the 26th street recreation center. OFFICERS are already there locking the doors and putting signs on them.) (The large sign on the main door reads: "Recreation Center will be closed until further notice." The OFFICERS chain the doors.) (WARRICK watches as the rec center, that had done so much good for him, closes.) (Camera holds on WARRICK.)

When the nine-year-old daughter of Warrick's former mentor is killed in a drive-by shooting , Warrick lets his emotions lead him to assume a suspect is guilty without looking at the evidence. Meanwhile Nick investigates when a man is found dead in a sealed computer room. All of the victim's employees had reason to kill him, but none of them claim to have seen a thing.

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I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy talking to Glory in the Summers home. GLORY: Did you know your sister took my key, Dawnie, and she won't give it back. I bet you know where she put it, don't you? Spike and Dawn in the magic shop. SPIKE: (reading) They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life, so they sent the key to her, in the form of a sister. Ben talking to Jinx. BEN: Let Glory understand this: I won't help her find the key. I would never do that to an innocent- JINX: An innocent? BEN: It's not a person. Ben stabbing Jinx. Glory in her apartment. GLORY: What about the key? JINX: He indicated that it was a person. Spike kissing Buffy. Spike sitting up in bed gasping. SPIKE: Oh God, no. Spike talking to Buffy in his underground cavern. SPIKE: I love you. BUFFY: The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. April holding Spike in the air. APRIL: You are not my boyfriend! April throwing Spike through a window. Buffy talking to the Scoobies. BUFFY: I kinda got the impression that she was a- TARA: Robot. XANDER: Oh yeah, robot. WARREN: She's a robot. April walking down the street. WARREN: I made her to love me. I didn't make a toy. I made a girlfriend. Spike talking to Warren. SPIKE: I'm placing an order. WARREN: No, I'm not making any more girls. SPIKE: Sure you are. (giving Warren the box full of Buffy pictures) Here's your specs. Buffy in her house. BUFFY: Mom? What are you doing? Joyce lying dead on the sofa. BUFFY: Mommy? Joyce's funeral. MINISTER: We commend to almighty God our sister, Joyce Summers. Buffy and Dawn crying. Buffy sitting with Angel. BUFFY: It's tomorrow that I'm worried about. ANGEL: What's tomorrow? BUFFY: That's exactly what I don't know. BUFFY: Giles, you don't have to help. You cooked. GILES: Oh, come on, I quite like to cook. Helping you two out makes me feel useful. (wiping a dish) DAWN: Wanna clean out the garage on Saturday? You can feel indispensable. GILES: (sarcastic) Hmm, how tempting. BUFFY: Dawn, if there are any plates in your room, let's have them before they get furry and we have to name them. DAWN: Hey, I was like five then. Dawn exits. GILES: How's she doing? (Buffy gives him a look) And you? BUFFY: I'm okay. Well, some minutes are harder than others. GILES: I'm so sorry. All I can say is i-it will get better. BUFFY: It has to. (stops washing dishes, begins drying her hands) We're holding up though, you know, getting into a routine. GILES: Good, routine's good. In fact I was thinking that we might ... return to our training schedule. BUFFY: (pauses) I don't know. I was, um, thinking about ... maybe ... taking a break or something. She puts down her towel and walks into the living room. Giles follows. BUFFY: Just ease off for a while. Not get into full slay mode. GILES: But you were doing so well. BUFFY: A-and you were great, helping me with everything. (They sit on the sofa) I'm just ... starting to feel ... uneasy about stuff. GILES: Stuff? BUFFY: Training. Slaying. All of it. It's just ... I mean ... I can beat up the demons until the cows come home. And then I can beat up the cows ... but I'm not sure I like what it's doing to me. GILES: But you've mastered so much. I mean, your strength and resilience alone- BUFFY: Yeah. Strength, resilience ... those are all words for hardness. (pause) I'm starting to feel like ... being the Slayer is turning me into stone. GILES: Turning you into stone? Buffy- BUFFY: Just ... think about it. (gets up, paces) I was never there for Riley, not like I was for Angel. I was terrible to Dawn. GILES: At a time like this- BUFFY: No. GILES: You're bound to feel emotionally numb. BUFFY: Before that. Riley left because I was shut down. He's gone. And now my mom is gone ... and I loved her more than anything ... and ... I don't know if she knew. GILES: Oh, she knew. (gets up, puts his hand on Buffy's shoulder) Always. BUFFY: I don't know. To slay, to kill ... i-it means being hard on the inside. Maybe being the perfect Slayer means being too hard to love at all. I already feel like I can hardly say the words. GILES: Buffy... BUFFY: Giles ... I love you. Love ... love, love, love, love, Giles, it feels strange. GILES: Well, I shouldn't wonder. (frowns, sits on the coffee table) How serious are you about this? BUFFY: (walks past him, sits on sofa) Ten. I'm serious to the amount of ten. GILES: There is something ... in the Watchers' diaries ... a quest. BUFFY: A quest? Like finding a grail or something? GILES: Not a grail. Maybe answers. It would take a day, perhaps two. BUFFY: I'm not leaving Dawn. Not with Glory looking for her. Dawn enters in time to hear this. DAWN: Sure you can. (sits next to Buffy) What's the deal? GILES: Some Slayers before Buffy found it helpful in ... regaining their focus, learning more about their role. There's a sacred place in the desert. It's, it's not far. BUFFY: But I can't go. (to Dawn) I'm not leaving you, Dawn. DAWN: If you have to go learn ... I mean, if it'll help you out ... I think you should do it. (shot of Giles smiling) I can hang with the gang. I'll be okay. Buffy looks at Giles, turns to Dawn and puts an arm around her. BUFFY: I love you, Dawn. You know that, right? DAWN: Yeah. I love you too. BUFFY: I love you ... (intensely) *really* love you. DAWN: (nervous grin) Gettin' weird. BUFFY: Sorry. But it's important that I tell you. Weird love's better than no love. They hug. Cut to: Spike staring at something. We see Warren in the background. SPIKE: Some say it's better'n the real thing. WARREN: (nervous) Better than the real thing. Shot of a pair of feet. Pan slowly up to reveal the BuffyBot. She wears a knee-length pleated skirt of pale pink, a blouse of darker pink, and a black jacket. Her eyes are closed as she stands there. SPIKE: (OS) She looks good, but what about the rest? Spike still staring at the bot. SPIKE: A little walk, a little talk... Warren stuffing books into a backpack. We're in Warren's parents' living room (same set from "I Was Made To Love You"). SPIKE: ...perhaps a zippy cartwheel... WARREN: Hey, she's, uh, great. You'll be real happy, I swear, she's got everything you asked for. All the extra programming, tons of real-world knowledge, the profiles you gave me about her family and friends. SPIKE: *All* the extra programming, right? WARREN: Ah, the, the stuff that you wanted, the, uh, scenario responses, you know, the, uh, uh, special ... skills ... (nervous laugh) All of it. Now, you said that I could leave- Warren tries to go past but Spike grabs his arm. SPIKE: Wait. I'm not sure I'm a satisfied customer. She looks a little shiny to me, you know, uh... Close shot of the bot's closed eyes. SPIKE: (OS) ...touch of plasticine... The eyes pop open. BUFFYBOT: Spike? Longer shot of the BuffyBot smiling hugely. BUFFYBOT: Oh, Spike! She hurries over to Spike, puts her hands on his shoulders and kisses him on the mouth. She pulls back, still with a big smile. SPIKE: She'll do. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Adam Busch, Troy T. Blendell, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by Michael Gershman. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Glory lying on a sofa. GLORY: (annoyed) He's getting stronger. I'm losing him, I'm losing control of him. We see that we're in Glory's apartment. She has her legs up on one arm of the sofa. Two of her sycophant demons sit on the other end of the sofa while three more stand behind. JINX: You're speaking of Ben, most glamorous yet tasteful one? GLORY: He stabbed you in your body. MURK: Jinx is all right, your highness. And we do have the new knowledge that the key is a human being. GLORY: (sits up) If time runs out on us and all we're left with is info? Then we're screwed. JINX: Oh, surely not! GLORY: (leans back) No, we're screwed! MURK: But you are a god. The sacred Glorificus! GLORY: I'm a god in exile. Far from the hellfires of home and ... sharing my body with an enemy that stabs my boys in their (pokes Jinx in the stomach, he groans and winces) fleshy little stomachs. She sits back again in frustration, ignoring Jinx. He makes a gesture to Murk that he's okay. GLORY: Uhh! I'm in pain. JINX: How can we help? We'll lay down our lives. Glory ponders for a moment, gets up. GLORY: The Slayer and the key are connected. She's going to have contact with it. Find out who's new in her life, who's ... special, who's different. Watch her. MURK: We can do that, O ... thou. GLORY: I want to hear about everyone she has contact with! That girl has my key ... (the monks bow their heads) and I'm trusting you boys to get it for me. If you love me ... (they both look up) get it for me. The monks smile happily at each other and at Glory. Cut to: a slice of desert. There are sandy dunes with some scraggly bushes, and one tree. Heat waves shimmer in the air. Giles' convertible comes around the dune, pulls up and stops. Giles and Buffy get out. Giles goes to open the trunk. Buffy follows. She wears a long brown coat over brown pants and a brown turtleneck. Giles wears jeans, a black shirt and a brown suede jacket. BUFFY: What's in the trunk? GILES: Supplies. (leans into the trunk) BUFFY: Supplies? I was wondering about that. Like, food, water, maybe a compass? GILES: (straightens up holding stuff) What about a book, a gourd, and a bunch of twigs? BUFFY: I don't think I'll be that hungry. GILES: They're for me. Come on, this way. He walks off with Buffy following. Cut to them walking across the sand. GILES: You see, the location of the sacred place is a guarded secret. I can't take you there myself. (They begin to climb up a dune) I'll have to perform a ritual to ... transfer my guardianship of you, temporarily, to, to a guide. This'll do. He stops and begins putting the stuff down. BUFFY: A guide but no food or water. So it leads me to the sacred place, and then a week later it leads you to my bleached bones? GILES: Buffy, please. It takes more than a week to bleach bones. Buffy grins. Giles kneels on the ground and begins arranging the twigs around himself. BUFFY: So, how's it start? GILES: I, uh, jump out of the circle and then jump back in it, and then, um ... (embarrassed) I shake my gourd. BUFFY: I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around. GILES: (straightens up, gives her a sour look) Go quest. Buffy makes an amused face. Giles looks embarrassed. He sighs, rolls his eyes, jumps into the circle of twigs, jumps out, and shakes the gourd. Nothing seems to happen. He and Buffy look at each other. BUFFY: And that's what it's all about. Cut to: Spike in his crypt, dancing around in sparring mode. SPIKE: What you searching for, Slayer, a weak spot? Hmm? We see that he's circling around the BuffyBot, who holds a stake in one hand. She is no longer wearing the jacket but still wears the pink skirt and sleeveless blouse. SPIKE: Try me, give me the best you've got. She lunges at him with a very lame stabbing movement and he ducks out of the way. BUFFYBOT: Ooh! Spike grabs her from behind with one arm around her neck and the other grabbing her hand. BUFFYBOT: Oh... (panting) SPIKE: Is that your best, Slayer? BUFFYBOT: No. SPIKE: Why not? BUFFYBOT: I, I wanna hurt you, but I can't resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body. SPIKE: Maybe I should repay you for your gentleness. Maybe I should let you go. BUFFYBOT: No! No, Spike. Never let me go. SPIKE: You know you should be afraid of me. I'm bad. BUFFYBOT: (seductively) You are. You're very, very bad. Suddenly she twists out of his grasp and flings him across the room. He lands on his back on the bed. The BuffyBot jumps on top of him, straddling him, and puts her stake against his chest. SPIKE: Are you gonna do it that way? BUFFYBOT: (grinning) No. She grabs the neck of his t-shirt and rips it open as Spike grins. Then she puts the stake against his bare chest. BUFFYBOT: This way. SPIKE: (raises his eyebrows) You can't do it. BUFFYBOT: I could never do it. (drops the stake) I'm helpless against you, you fiend. Spike shoves her off him. BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Oh! She rolls aside onto the floor and lands on her back. Spike lands on top of her, pinning her wrists down. He kisses her and she kisses him back. SPIKE: (whispers) Buffy... He slides down her body as the camera stays on her face. Cut to: Giles sitting on the sand in the middle of the circle of sticks. He has the book open and reads aloud in Swahili. Cut to closer shot of his face as he continues to speak. Cut to Buffy walking across the sand. We can hear Giles still reading aloud. The background music is a woman vocalizing. Buffy hears a growling noise and stops, looks to her left. We see a mountain lion sitting on the sand about thirty feet away. BUFFY: Hello, kitty. The lion begins to walk and Buffy follows it. They go through a passageway made by two large outcroppings of rock. They come out on a large expanse of sandy desert dotted with small bushes or trees. Buffy goes over to a rock and sits on it, looking around. BUFFY: I know this place. Cut to: Tara closing a door. She turns away and we see there's a vial in her hand. She walks away from the door, into the room. We see Xander behind a counter: it's his apartment. He comes out from behind the counter. TARA: Okay. Warning spell's all set. XANDER: So that's it? We're all protected up for the night? They walk farther into the room. We see Anya sitting on one sofa in the background. Dawn sits on another, reading. TARA: Well, i-it's probably not as good as Willow could do. She's a natural with magic. In just the time I've known her, she's already blown right past me. XANDER: So, when the whiz kid gets back from chem lab, can you have her ... you know, bulk up the spell a little? If you want, maybe, while Anya and I go do a quick patrol? ANYA: I don't see why we have to patrol just 'cause Buffy's away. (gets up, walks over to them) I'd rather stay home and watch television. Dawn watches Anya go past her. Shot of a pair of earrings(?) on the side table next to the sofa that Anya just vacated. TARA: (OS) Oh yeah, Willow wants to watch this thing on the history channel tonight, (Dawn gets up, walks over to the table) Salem Witch Trial stuff, which is only gonna get her all upset. ANYA: (OS) Oh, I was there, it really wasn't that bad. (Dawn picks up the earrings and puts them in her pocket) See, if you were really a witch, you could do a spell to escape. Cut to a shot of the three in the foreground and Dawn in the background. ANYA: ...so really it was only bad for the falsely accused, and, well, they never have a good time. XANDER: No. Dawn turns from the table to face the others. DAWN: So, guys, if this is a real slumber party, where's the pizza? As Dawn walks away from the table toward the others, the camera stays on the window behind her. We see one of Glory's demons looking in the window. Cut to: Spike's crypt. Pan across the pillars and the armchair to find Spike and the Buffy Bot lying on the floor, on their sides. She lies in front with Spike behind her, his arm around her waist, both covered with a pink sheet. Spike's hair is all disarrayed and spikey. BUFFYBOT: You're evil. SPIKE: And that excites you? BUFFYBOT: It excites me, it terrifies me ... I try so hard to resist you and I can't. SPIKE: Yeah? (grins) BUFFYBOT: Darn your sinister attraction. SPIKE: (seriously) Are you afraid of me? BUFFYBOT: (big smile) Yes. SPIKE: (quietly) You know I can't lie to you. BUFFYBOT: I think you can. I think you can if I let you, and I want to let you. I want you to bite me and devour me until there's no more. SPIKE: (smiles) Like this? He bites her neck lightly. BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Oh, Spike, devour me! SPIKE: All right. He pulls her over on her back and gets on top of her. BUFFYBOT: Spike, I can't help myself. I love you. SPIKE: You're mine, Buffy. BUFFYBOT: Should I start this program over? SPIKE: Shh! (frowns) No programs. Don't use that word. Just be Buffy. She smiles. Cut to: Willow and a bunch of other students coming out of a UC Sunnydale building, night. WILLOW: It's got last week's notes too. Just get it back to me by Thursday. She's speaking to a male student to whom she is giving her notebook. WILLOW: And, uh, don't write in it or, or, uh, put a coffee mug down on it, or anything. (The student walks offscreen) And, and, just don't spill. Okay. Oh, oh, and don't fold the page corners down. Bye! She continues walking, pauses as she approaches a pillar, continues. As she passes the pillar, one of Glory's demons comes out from behind it and follows her. Cut to: Spike lying in his bed asleep. Pan across to the Buffy Bot standing next to the bed, putting on her jacket. BUFFYBOT: Time to slay. SPIKE: Yeah... (mumbling in his sleep) The bot picks up her stake and walks purposefully across the crypt. BUFFYBOT: Vampires of the world, beware. Shot of Spike still sleeping. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on the desert, night. Giles sits on the hood of his car, drinking from a thermos. He looks up at the sky, sighs. Fade to Buffy still sitting on the rock. She hugs her arms and shivers, lets her head drop and her eyes close. There's a noise like an owl hooting. Buffy jerks awake, sighs. Cut to: the Buffy-Bot walking through the graveyard, twirling her stake. Xander and Anya come around a corner. BUFFYBOT: Hey there! XANDER: Buffy! BUFFYBOT: Xander! Shot of Xander from the bot's perspective. She has a display similar to that of April in "I Was Made..." Folders are labeled "Hard Drive," "Slaying," "Locate Spike," and "Make Spike Happy." Under "Make Spike Happy" are files labeled "kissing01," "kissing02," "positions01," "positions02," etc. up to "positions05" and "More." At the bottom is a readout that identifies Xander with attributes: friend carpenter dates Anya BUFFYBOT: (OS) And ... The point of view shifts to Anya. Her attributes are: dates Xander likes money ex-demon BUFFYBOT: (OS) Anya! Cut to shot of the Buffy Bot's face. BUFFYBOT: How is your money? ANYA: (laughs in surprise) Fine. Thank you for asking. (smiles at Xander) BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Isn't it a beautiful night for killing evil things? XANDER: I guess. ANYA: You're back very early. XANDER: Yeah, how was the whole vision-quest experience? BUFFYBOT: I don't understand that question. But thank you for asking. Xander looks confused. BUFFYBOT: You're my friend, and a carpenter. XANDER: Are you all right? You're all... SPIKE: (OS) Hey! Wait up! Spike comes running up. BUFFYBOT: (happily) Spike! (to Xander and Anya) It's Spike. And he's wearing a coat. SPIKE: (panting) Yes. Uh ... hello all. The bot tries to take his hand but he pulls it away. SPIKE: Uh, Buffy's back early, I see. Lots of patrolling all around tonight, then, is it? The bot takes his arm and he pretends it hurts, pulls it away. SPIKE: Ow! Hey. Give a fella a break there, Slayer. She smiles and tries to walk closer to him but he moves away, going closer to Xander and Anya. SPIKE: Uh, I'm glad you're all here, uh, 'cause, uh, 'cause ... the place is crawling with vamps tonight. Uh, tons of 'em. I, uh, think we oughta split up. XANDER: We haven't seen any vamps, are you sure there's... They hear a noise and all look to the side. Three vamps come around a corner. ANYA: You're right. SPIKE: Yep, guess so. The vamps rush at them. The BuffyBot kicks one and he falls back. Spike engages the second vamp while Xander and Anya take the third. The bot fights like Buffy. Anya circles around with her stake while Xander exchanges blows with the vamp. Spike kicks his. BUFFYBOT: Spike, be careful! The bot kicks her vamp backward. Shot of two of Glory's demons watching the action from afar. Spike grabs his vamp by the arm and hits him in the back. The third vamp has Xander on the ground and Anya runs behind him. Xander gets his feet on the vamp's chest and shoves him back, right at Anya, who stakes him. The bot punches her vamp several times and he goes down. Spike is still struggling with his foe. BUFFYBOT: No, get away from him. Shot of the two demons still watching. The bot stakes her vamp. Spike has his vamp kneeling on the ground. The bot tosses her stake to Spike, who catches it and stakes the last vamp. Anya helps Xander up. Spike and the BuffyBot come over to them. SPIKE: I think that was probably the big action for the night. You two can toddle on home if you want. XANDER: Uh ... Buffy? BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Yes. Spike and I will do it alone. You guys head home. Xander looks suspicious, but he and Anya leave anyway. Spike and the bot watch them go. The bot frowns and wiggles her shoulders. Spike comes around in front of her. BUFFYBOT: Hmm. I don't understand this. I-I did the slaying. I should be... SPIKE: (leering) Satisfied? BUFFYBOT: (nods, pouts) But I'm not. I-I'm all ... (wiggles her shoulders) my skin is all hot. (Spike grinning) Do I look hot to you? SPIKE: Always. BUFFYBOT: (suggestively) You better feel me to make sure. SPIKE: I can do that. They kiss. Cut to Xander and Anya walking through the dark graveyard, out the front gates. They turn and start walking down the sidewalk. ANYA: (coughs) I breathed in like a quart of vampire dust. That can't be good. (putting her stake away in a coat pocket) XANDER: I wish Giles told us they were back from the desert. I wish I knew what went on there. ANYA: Oh, you know, Slayer-Watcher stuff. Probably some silly ritual with an enchanted prairie dog or something. XANDER: (shakes head) Whatever it was, I think she's still a little spacy. ANYA: (shrugs) She fought okay. XANDER: Yeah. (stops walking) Hey, she never asked about Dawn. ANYA: That's true. XANDER: Something's wrong. Moaning noises. Xander and Anya look back at the graveyard. Shot of something blurry, impossible to see through the leaves of bushes that separate the graveyard from the street. XANDER: (softly) I hear something. He gestures to Anya to be quiet as they move toward the bushes. Shot of Spike and the bot still in the graveyard. Spike lies on his back with the bot straddling him and rocking up and down. Her skirt covers their hips. BUFFYBOT: Oh Spike. You're the big bad. Shot of Anya and Xander watching in amazement. BUFFYBOT: (OS) You're the BIG bad! Cut to Willow and Tara sitting on the sofa watching TV. Tara has her head on Willow's shoulder. WILLOW: Those darn Salem judges. With their less-satanic-than-thou attitude. TARA: Oh, honey, let's change it. The Discovery channel has koala bears. Willow clicks the remote. Xander and Anya burst in. XANDER: Where's Dawn? TARA: She, she's in the bedroom, she fell asleep. XANDER: Good. WILLOW: What's goin' on? XANDER: Buffy's gone insane. (Anya nods) WILLOW: What? What'd she do? XANDER: Brace yourself. You're not gonna believe it. TARA: Everyone, before we jump all over her, people do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I-I did some pretty dumb stuff, like lying to my family and staying out all night. ANYA: Buffy's boinking Spike. Xander nods. Willow and Tara look surprised. WILLOW: (pause) Oh ... well, Ta-Tara's right. Grief can be powerful, and we shouldn't judge- TARA: What are you, kidding? She's nuts! WILLOW: Well, it's not healthy, we're all agreeing there. TARA: What can we do? ANYA: Sometimes in the movies when they go crazy they slap 'em. XANDER: I'm gonna go find her and talk to her. If she's losing it, we gotta help her before she gets herself hurt. TARA: You aren't really gonna slap her, are you? XANDER: No, but if I have to see her straddle Spike again, I will definitely knock myself unconscious. He turns and leaves. Anya shrugs to herself. Cut to: Buffy asleep on a rock. There's a fire burning nearby. She sits up. BUFFY: Hello? Who's there? On the other side of the fire, we see the First Slayer (see episode "Restless"). Buffy stares. Cut to: Spike leaning against a pillar, smoking a cigarette. His hair is again messy. Rustling noises. Spike looks toward the door as the Buffy Bot rises from the floor in front of him. They both look over at the noise. BUFFYBOT: Who's that? SPIKE: (begins fastening his pants) Uh ... Down there. (points to the trapdoor leading down to the cavern) And, uh, no matter what, don't come out till I get you, okay? BUFFYBOT: (nods) Okay. She walks over to the trapdoor and starts down. Spike looks toward the door as it opens and Xander comes in. SPIKE: Oh, it's you. XANDER: (closes door) I saw you ... in the cemetery with Buffy. SPIKE: Yeah? (with bravado) Can't see how it's any business of yours. XANDER: It is my business because Buffy's my friend .. and she's gone through some stuff lately that ... well, it's affected her, and you're taking advantage of her. SPIKE: (sighs) She's upset about her mum. (takes a drag on his cigarette) And if she turns to me for comfort, well, I'm not gonna deny it to her. I'm not a monster. XANDER: Yes. You are a monster. Vampires are monsters. They make monster movies about them. SPIKE: (sarcastic) Well, yeah, you got me there. Xander grabs Spike by the front of his shirt. XANDER: Spike, Buffy has lost of friends, and we love her very much, and we'll do whatever it takes to protect her. Now if that means killing you, then, well, that's just a bonus. The door opens and Jinx appears. JINX: Gentlemen! (begins to enter, followed by more demons) I'm so sorry to intrude, but I wondered if I might beg a moment of your time. SPIKE: (to Xander) Friends of yours? Jinx punches Xander in the stomach. SPIKE: Guess not. Spike kicks Jinx. Xander struggles to his feet as the fight continues. Xander takes another kick to the chin and goes down again. Spike exchanges more blows until two of the demons get him by the arms. He head-butts another of them. JINX: Tie his hands! Glory will want him restrained. SPIKE: (struggling) Let me go! JINX: Careful with him. She will want the key intact. SPIKE: Key? Who's a key? I'm not the- Jinx stuffs something in Spike's mouth. Spike continues struggling and muffled yelling as the demons drag him out. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Buffy at the fireside. Throughout the ensuing scene we see the First Slayer through the flames, sometimes obscuring her entirely. BUFFY: I know you. You're the first Slayer. FIRST SLAYER: This is a form. I am the guide. BUFFY: I have a few questions ... about being the Slayer. What about ... love? Not just boyfriend love. FIRST SLAYER: You think you're losing your ability to love. BUFFY: I-I didn't say that. (sighs) Yeah. FIRST SLAYER: You're afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity. BUFFY: Does it? FIRST SLAYER: You are full of love. You love with all of your soul. It's brighter than the fire ... blinding. That's why you pull away from it. BUFFY: (surprised) I'm full of love? I'm not losing it? FIRST SLAYER: Only if you reject it. Love is pain, and the Slayer forges strength from pain. Love ... give ... forgive. Risk the pain. It is your nature. Love will bring you to your gift. BUFFY: (pause) What? Cut to the Buffy Bot climbing out of the underground cavern. BUFFYBOT: Spike? (looks around) I waited like you said, but then I missed you. Spike? She walks off, not noticing Xander lying on the ground behind her. Cut to: darkness, sound of someone knocking on a door. WILLOW: Xander, did you- Willow opens the door to discover the Buffy Bot. BUFFYBOT: Spike's gone! WILLOW: Bu-Buffy. Uh, come in. Shh! It's late! Willow ushers the bot in, closes the door. They walk through the darkened living room. WILLOW: Wait. Willow picks up a blanket from the floor, wraps it around herself, and she and the bot go out onto a balcony. WILLOW: (whispers) We can talk out here. She closes the door quietly and goes over to the bot. WILLOW: Did Xander find you? He-he was looking for you. Shot of Willow from the bot's perspective. Her attributes are: best friend gay (1999-present) witch good with computers WILLOW: He hasn't come back. Anya sat up waiting. BUFFYBOT: I don't know where Xander is. I haven't seen him. And when I came out of the tunnel, Spike was gone. I need to find him. WILLOW: (winces) Um ... Buffy, this thing with Spike, i-i-it isn't true, is it? You didn't, you know, sleep with Spike? BUFFYBOT: No. Willow smiles with relief. BUFFYBOT: I had s*x with Spike. (Willow winces again) I'm sorry if it bothers you. You're my best friend. WILLOW: I-I am. And I, I always will be, no matter what you do. I, I'm just trying to figure out why this happened, and I, I think with ... your mom and everything ... everyone was being all sympathetic, and, and making you feel weak. A-and Spike wasn't like that. So, just this one time, you just ... did something kinda ... crazy. BUFFYBOT: (shakes head) It wasn't one time. It was lots of times. And lots of different ways. I could make sketches. WILLOW: (disgusted) No! Buffy, there is something seriously wrong here! I ... (the bot looks confused) Okay, yeah, you've been with a vampire before, but Angel had a soul. BUFFYBOT: Angel's lame. His hair grows straight up, and he's bloody stupid. WILLOW: (confused) Okay ... look, I just wanna help you. Let me help you. BUFFYBOT: You're my best friend. WILLOW: Yeah. Again, I ... really am, but... BUFFYBOT: You're recently gay. WILLOW: Um... Behind them, the apartment lights up. They turn to see through the window that Xander has returned. XANDER: (inside) Guys! Guys, wake up. Willow gives the bot one last confused look and goes inside. The bot follows. Tara sits up from sleeping on the floor. Anya gets up from sleeping on the sofa. ANYA: Oh, Xander, I was scared, are you hurt? What happened? XANDER: Guys ... demony kinds of guys. Buffy. BUFFYBOT: Yes, that's me. XANDER: The guys that work for Glory, you said they're kind of like hobbits with leprosy? Well this was a whole flock of hobbits, and they just grabbed Spike. I think they're taking him to Glory. WILLOW: But he, he knows about Dawn. (Xander nods) BUFFYBOT: We have to get him back. (Willow gives her a disturbed look) XANDER: So how do we find him? Everyone looks at the bot. She looks uncertain. BUFFYBOT: I fight with weapons. XANDER: Yeah. I got nothin'. Let's hit your place, we'll stock up. WILLOW: Uh, Tara, can you stay here a-and watch Dawn? TARA: Of course. The others all walk off. Cut back to Buffy in the desert. BUFFY: I-I'm sorry, I, I'm just a little confused. I'm full of love, which is nice, and ... love will lead me to my gift? FIRST SLAYER: Yes. BUFFY: I'm getting a gift? Or, or do you mean that, that I have a gift to give to someone else? FIRST SLAYER: Death is your gift. BUFFY: Death ... FIRST SLAYER: Is your gift. BUFFY: Okay, no. Death is not a gift. My mother just died. I know this. If I have to kill demons because it makes the world a better place, then I kill demons, but it's not a gift to anybody. The First Slayer is obscured by the flames, following the contours of her body. FIRST SLAYER: Your question has been answered. She, as well as the fire, disappears. All that's left is cold gray rocks and sand. Buffy frowns in confusion. Cut to: Glory's apartment. The door bursts open and the two main demons enter with Spike, whose hands are tied behind him. Glory gets up from the sofa where she was reading a magazine. GLORY: What the hell is that, and why is his hair that color? MURK: Stunning one, we believe he is... MURK AND JINX: (unison) The key! Spike looks annoyed. Glory smiles. GLORY: Really? That's fantabulous! (comes forward, shoves Murk away) And impossible. (walks in a circle around Spike) He can't be the key, because, see, the key ... has to be pure. She returns to Spike's front and sniffs at him. GLORY: This is a vampire. (Spike looks at her in alarm) Lesson number one, vampires equal impure. SPIKE: (a little scared) Yeah, damn right I'm impure. I'm as impure as the driven yellow snow. Let me go. GLORY: You can't even brain-suck a vampire. (pats Spike on the chest) He's completely useless. SPIKE: So, I'm just gonna let myself out. He tries to escape but Murk stops him. JINX: But, your holiness, we observed the Slayer. She protected this one above all others. (Glory looks over his shoulder at Spike) She treated him as precious. GLORY: Really? Precious-ss-ss? She pushes Jinx aside and goes over to Spike again. GLORY: Let's take a peek at you, precious. (looks him up and down) SPIKE: Sod off. GLORY: Oh... (laughs) She punches Spike and he flies backward, crashes into the wall and slides down it. There's blood on his lip. Glory comes over and tilts his head up to look at him. GLORY: He doesn't look very fancy to me. (grabs Spike by the lower lip and pulls him upright) SPIKE: Hey, watch the lip! GLORY: But if the Slayer protects him, maybe appearances are deceiving. She throws Spike onto her round bed. He lands on his back with his hands pinned underneath him. As he groans in pain, Glory climbs on top of him. GLORY: Maybe there's something on the inside. She takes one finger, with its long red fingernail, and thrusts it into Spike's stomach. He screams in pain. Glory leans over him. GLORY: Shhh. What do you know, precious? What can I dig out of you? Shot of Spike writhing in pain. Cut to: Summers house, day. Xander opens the door for the Buffy Bot, who enters followed by Xander, Anya, and Willow. They walk into the living room. BUFFYBOT: (smiling) This is my house. XANDER: If we're gonna stop Spike from blabbing about Dawn, we're gonna need these. He goes to the big weapons chest and opens it. ANYA: Ooh, the big guns. Xander takes out a weapon and gives it to Anya, takes out another one for himself. ANYA: Saddling up. Shouldn't we have guns? BUFFYBOT: Those are my weapons. Give me something big and sharp. WILLOW: Um, Buffy, where do we go? Where should we look for Glory? BUFFYBOT: She's a god. She wants the key. XANDER: Yeah, so we should look... They all look at the bot. BUFFYBOT: I don't know. Why are you all looking at me? (They all look confused) XANDER: Okay, Buff, it's okay, you're right, you shouldn't have to know everything. BUFFYBOT: We need to rescue Spike. WILLOW: Um ... Buffy, I, I think you have more weapons upstairs. Why don't you go get those? ANYA: And maybe change your clothes, you know, something more ... fighty. BUFFYBOT: I can do that. I'll be right back. She turns with a smile and walks off. XANDER: Okay, this has gone way too far. She thinks we're going to rescue Spike. WILLOW: What *are* we gonna do? XANDER: Find him, keep him from talking, whatever it takes. ANYA: What do we do with Glory? WILLOW: Whatever we do, we're gonna need Buffy's help. XANDER: Then we're gonna have to talk to her. WILLOW: Intervention time again? XANDER: Yeah, 'cause what we need right now is a sane Buffy. The real Buffy enters, still wearing her brown pants and turtleneck, carrying her brown coat. BUFFY: Whoa. Group hang time? The others look surprised. WILLOW: Tha-that was quick. BUFFY: Didn't seem like it to me. Death is my gift. (scoffs) The others are completely bemused. XANDER: Buffy, we need to talk. BUFFY: (alarmed) What's wrong? Is Dawn okay? WILLOW: Dawn's fine. XANDER: Buffy, we care about you, and we're worried about you. The way you're acting, the things you're doing- ANYA: It's wrong. WILLOW: Wait. This shouldn't be about blame. BUFFY: Blame? There's blame now? WILLOW: No, there's only love. And ... some fear. ANYA: Which is kind of thrown by the you having s*x with Spike. BUFFY: The ... who whating how with huh? ANYA: Okay, that's denial. That usually comes before anger. BUFFY: (angrily) I am not having s*x with Spike! ANYA: Anger. XANDER: No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled. BUFFY: (firmly) I am not having s*x with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be. XANDER: (scoffs) Buffy, I saw you. Anya too. (Anya nods) We saw you and Spike ... (gestures vaguely) with the straddling. The Buffy Bot enters, looking offended. BUFFYBOT: Spike's mine. Who's straddling Spike? She strides up next to Buffy, who stares at her in amazement. BUFFY: Oh my god. XANDER: (amazed) And so say all of us. BUFFYBOT: Say, look at you. You look just like me! We're very pretty. WILLOW: Two of them! XANDER: Hey, I know this! They're both Buffy! BUFFY: (annoyed at him) No, *she*'s a robot. She acts just like that girlfriend-bot that Warren guy made. You guys couldn't tell me apart from a robot? BUFFYBOT: Oh, I don't think I'm a robot. ANYA: She's very well done. The bot smiles at her. XANDER: Spike must have had her built so he could program her t- BUFFY: (horrified) Oh god. WILLOW: Yikes. Imagine the things- BUFFY: No! No, no imagining. Any of you. XANDER: (raises his hand) Already got the visual. BUFFYBOT: People. Friends of mine. You're forgetting the most important thing. Glory has Spike and she's going to harm him. BUFFY: (softly) Glory has Spike? XANDER: (nervous laugh) We were gonna bring that up. ANYA: We were getting weapons. BUFFY: Grab 'em. We're going now. I have to kill him. WILLOW: We don't even know where to look. BUFFY: (ponders) I know where to start. Cut to: Glory's apartment. Spike's hands are tied together over his head. He stands in the middle of the room with the demons around the edges. His shirt is torn partly off and his facc is bloody. GLORY: I have a riddle for you, precious. How is a vampire that won't talk ... like an apple? She walks up to Spike, grabs his hair and pulls his head back. We see that his chest is also bloody and has at least one ugly round wound from Glory's finger. With her free hand she has a dagger which she uses to cut his chest. Spike yells in pain. GLORY: Think I can do you in one long strip? SPIKE: (weakly) Enough. No more. I'll tell you who the sodding key is. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Open on a shot of Sunnydale, daylight. We see the hill atop which is Glory's apartment building. Pan down to the park below. BUFFY: (OS) Glory's key-sniffing snake was about here when I killed it. It was headed back to her. WILLOW: (OS) Do you think she lives around here? Pan down more to discover the Scooby gang with Giles and the Buffy Bot standing around. Most of them have weapons, including the bot. XANDER: It's not a lot to go on. Closer shot of Buffy. BUFFY: (shrugs) It's all we got. GILES: (staring at the bot) Quite extraordinary really. BUFFYBOT: Thank you. But I really think we should be listening to the other Buffy, Giles. (She pronounces it with a hard G like "guy") She's very smart and she's gonna help us save Spike. GILES: Guy-les? (turns to address the real Buffy) Spike didn't even bother to program my name properly. BUFFY: Listen, skirt girl, we are not going to save him. We're going to kill him. He knows who the key is, and there's no way he's not telling Glory. BUFFYBOT: You're right. He's evil. (smiles) But you should see him naked. I mean really. Buffy grimaces in disgust. BUFFY: Okay, guys, split up and spread out. Check the priciest-looking places first. Xander, you come with me. Willow, Anya, stick together, and Guy-les ... Giles- (Giles looks annoyed) you can watch ... it. Giles sighs, turns back to the bot. She gives him a huge grin. Cut to: Glory holding a glass of water to Spike's lips. He drinks it all. Blood from the wound above his eye and the wound in his lip is trickling down his cheeks making him look quite battered. GLORY: Is that better? (Spike coughs) Do you think you can try to talk again now? (Spike nods) Good. Because I'm tired of these games! She smashes the glass against Spike's face. It breaks into pieces. GLORY: (turns away) "I need time, I need a drink," you're a very needy little bloodsucker, (sits on the sofa) and it's not very attractive. Spike glares at her. GLORY: So start talkin'. SPIKE: Yeah. Okay. The key. Here's the thing... Shot of Spike's hands with chains wrapped around them. He twists them around trying to loosen the chains. SPIKE: It's that guy... on TV ... what's his name? GLORY: (frowns) On the television? SPIKE: That show ... the prize show ... where they guess what stuff cost? MURK: The Price Is Right? JINX: Oh, Bob Barker! MURK: We will bring you Bob Barker! We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Bark- GLORY: (jumps up) It is not Bob Barker, scabby morons! The key is new to this world ... (turns back to face Spike) and Bob Barker is as old as grit. (smiles) The vampire ... is lying to me. SPIKE: (giggles weakly) Yeah ... but it was fun. And guess what, bitch. (Shot of his hands still trying to twist free) I'm not telling you jack. You're never gonna get your sodding key, 'cause you might be strong, but in our world, you're an idiot. GLORY: I am a god. SPIKE: The god of what, bad home perms? GLORY: Shut up! (takes a few steps toward him, pats her hair) I command you, shut up! SPIKE: Yeah, okay, sorry, but I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. (Glory scoffs in disbelief) Mark my words, the Slayer ... is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass (Glory checks out her ass in dismay) back to whatever place would take a (sizing her up) cheap, whorish, fashion victim ex-god like you. Glory spins around and delivers a spinning kick to Spike's chest. His hands break free and he goes flying backward, crashing through the apartment's door and into the hallway outside. He does a back-somersault and winds up on the floor against a chair. SPIKE: (mutters) Good plan, Spike. Shot of Glory surrounded by her demons as the broken chain dangles in front of her. GLORY: Bring him back. Cut to: Spike bloodied and limping, dragging himself down the hall toward the elevator. The elevator doors close before he reaches them. One of Glory's demons comes around the corner and sees him. DEMON: Here! Spike tries to catch the elevator doors before they fully close but he's too late. He lands on his knees and pries the doors open. SPIKE: Oh, god. Several more demons come running around the corner. Spike leans over and lets himself fall down the elevator shaft. He lands on top of the elevator as Jinx appears in the doorway. Shot of the descending elevator with Spike sprawled on top of it. Jinx and another demon watch it go, then they turn away. Spike rolls over and opens the hatch in the elevator ceiling, falls through it and lands on the floor of the elevator. Cut to the lobby of the building. The elevator doors open as the group of demons comes down the stairs. Spike gets slowly to his feet. MURK: You do not insult Glory by escaping. Spike scowls at them. The front door opens and Buffy and Xander enter, carrying crossbows. MURK: Slayer! Spike closes his eyes in relief and falls back against the elevator wall as Xander grabs one demon by his axe. Buffy shoots the demon with her crossbow. Murk kicks the crossbow out of Buffy's hands and punches her. Shot of Spike crumpling to the floor. Buffy kicks Murk down, ducks a punch from another demon and punches him, kicks a third. Xander uses the axe like a staff to hit another demon, fends him off and stabs a second demon with the axe, takes two punches from the first demon, ducks another punch and hits the demon on the chin with the axe handle. Buffy blocks kicks from Murk, kicks him in the face, ducks a punch, throws a punch that he blocks, punches him a few times. A demon grabs Xander around the neck from behind. Giles and the Buffy Bot enter as Buffy continues fighting Murk. GILES: Buffy, we're here. Giles loads his crossbow as Buffy delivers a final kick that sends Murk flying. The bot looks over to the elevator. BUFFYBOT: Spike! Spike's in there! Xander continues struggling with the demon who has him around the neck and is threatening him with a small dagger. Giles hits the demon with his crossbow and grabs him as Xander pulls free. Xander flies forward and lands on another demon on the floor. The bot goes over to the elevator and looks at Spike, who sits on the floor. He's bloody and bruised all over his face and upper chest. Xander punches the demon. Giles continues struggling with the other demon until it throws him to the floor and puts the crossbow to his throat. GILES: Buffy! The Buffy Bot whirls around. The real Buffy whirls around. The bot throws her weapon aside and grabs the demon off Giles. The demon hits her with the crossbow and she flies against the elevator control panel. The real Buffy kicks the demon, then punches him and he goes down. The bot sinks to the floor looking surprised as tendrils of blue light flash across her body. Jinx and Murk run for the stairs. Buffy watches them go. Cut to: Glory's apartment. Jinx and Murk attempt to explain to Glory what happened. JINX: The Slayer was there. MURK: A lethal fighter. JINX: She seemed to be everywhere at once. MURK: She had friends. With many weapons! JINX: They may have been demons. GLORY: (smiles) And where's my vampire? The demons look at each other and stammer. Shot of the broken door to the apartment. Sound of the demons screaming. Cut to: shot of the Buffy Bot's back. A flap of skin is peeled back revealing her inner workings. Willow is poking at the machinery with tools. It makes sputtering noises. Pull out to reveal Tara standing next to Willow. They're in the magic shop. The bot is bent over the table. TARA: (looks across the table) Is it weird? We see Buffy standing on the other side of the table. Dawn sits beside her. BUFFY: Oh yeah. (walks closer) At least it's not a very good copy. (sits in the chair next to the bot) I mean... Buffy lays her head down on the table to look into the bot's face. BUFFY: ...look at it. WILLOW: Uh ... yeah. (looks up at Tara) The door opens and they look up as Xander and Giles enter. Buffy gets up. BUFFY: What'd you guys do with Spike? And please let the story have a dusty ending. XANDER: We dumped him back in his crypt. GILES: Tried to find out if he'd ... told her anything, but he was too badly beaten to make much sense. ANYA: Well, even if he told her, he'd just lie to us about it anyway, right? BUFFY: Yeah, you can count on it. But I have to know. Now. If he did give us up, Dawn and I need to get out of town. I mean, she could be on her way right now. Dawn looks alarmed. GILES: (to Dawn) But, uh, not to worry, you know, I'm sure we'll all be perfectly safe. DAWN: (smiles) We're safe, right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. Buffy frowns, looks at Tara. TARA: I-it sounded convincing when I thought it. WILLOW: Hey! I-I think I found somethin'. Anya comes over and looks at the machinery. ANYA: Uch! Looks very complicated in there. Personally, I'd rather look at guts. WILLOW: (to Buffy) I found where she's broken. Some of these wires got fried extra crispy. (smiles) It's an easy fix. Buffy gives her an astonished look. WILLOW: I mean ... not that I would. XANDER: God, I feel ... kind of bad for the guy. Gets all whupped and his best toy gets taken away. BUFFY: Xander. Please don't be suggesting what I'd have to kill you for suggesting. XANDER: No, no, travesty, completely on board, it's just ... the guy was so thrashed. Buffy considers this. Cut to: Spike lying in his crypt, daylight outside. His facial bruises have swelled up and his hair is still messy. The door slams open. The Buffy Bot stands there, no longer wearing her jacket but still in the pink blouse and skirt. She walks briskly over to the coffin where Spike's lying. BUFFYBOT: Spike! You're covered in sexy wounds. Spike turns his head toward her. His eyes are swollen mostly shut. SPIKE: Yeah. (starts to sit up) I feel real sexy. (slowly pulls himself upright) Where you been? BUFFYBOT: I fell down and got confused. Willow fixed me. She's gay. SPIKE: Will fixed you? I thought they'd melt you into scrap. BUFFYBOT: They were confused too. (smiles) Do you wanna ravage me now? SPIKE: (weakly) Give us a minute. Got some bones need mending. BUFFYBOT: Why did you let that Glory hurt you? SPIKE: She wanted to know who the key was. BUFFYBOT: Oh, well, I can tell her, and then you'll-(turns to leave) SPIKE: No! (coughs as she turns back) You can't ever. Glory never finds out. BUFFYBOT: Why? SPIKE: (quietly) 'Cause Buffy ... the other, not so pleasant Buffy ... anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her bein' in that much pain. Let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did. She frowns slightly, then leans forward and kisses him softly on the lips. Spike starts to kiss her back, frowns and pulls away. Shot of her looking at him. Spike stares at her in amazement. She turns to walk away. SPIKE: And my robot? BUFFY: (turns back) The robot is gone. The robot was gross and obscene. SPIKE: (lowers his head) It wasn't supposed to- BUFFY: Don't. That ... thing, it ... it wasn't even real. She turns and takes a few more steps toward the door. Spike sits with his head hanging. Buffy pauses again but doesn't turn back to him. BUFFY: What you did, for me, and Dawn ... that was real. Spike lifts his head to look at her. She turns to look at him over her shoulder. BUFFY: I won't forget it. She walks out, closing the door behind her. Spike stares after her. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

The Scoobies discover Spike's new robot toy; Glory's minions kidnap Spike, thinking he is the Key, and when they realize he isn't they torture him for information. Buffy and Giles go on a discovery quest about the origin of the Slayer. Buffy is told ominously that "Death is your gift".

fd_Doctor_Who_08x07

fd_Doctor_Who_08x07_0

[ Moon 2049 ] Clara: Hello! Hello! Hello, Earth. We have a terrible decision to make. It's an uncertain decision, and we don't have a lot of time. The man... who normally helps, he's gone. Maybe he's not coming back. In fact, I... I really don't think he is. We're on our own. So... an innocent life versus the future of all mankind. We have 45 minutes to decide. [SCENE_BREAK] [ School ] Clara: Courtney Woods. Doctor, she has gone crazy. She's uncontrollable. She took your psychic paper. She's been using it as fake ID. The Doctor: To get into museums? Clara: No, to buy White Lightning or alcopops or whatever. The Doctor: I've no idea what you're talking about. What, what is Courtney Woods? Clara: She's one of my year tens. She was in the TARDIS. The Doctor: Doing what? Clara: Throwing up. The Doctor: Oh, her. Oh, that was ages ago. Clara: Look, she says that you told her that she wasn't special. The Doctor: Rubbish. Clara: She says that's what sent her off the rails. The Doctor: Pfph! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Closet ] Clara: Doctor. I know, I know! But, you say something like that to somebody, it hurts. Especially if you're somebody of her age, especially if you're you. Doctor, it can affect her whole life. The Doctor: Bah. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] The Doctor: Oi! Give over! Courtney: I got stuff to clean up with. The Doctor: What? Courtney: And I got these from the chemist. The Doctor: Vortex manipulators? Courtney: Travel sickness. The Doctor: Good. Because I don't like people being sick in my TARDIS. No being sick. And no hanky-panky. Clara: Doctor! The Doctor: Sorry, that's the rules. Clara: Look, Courtney, you're not going to be needing those because you're not going to be doing any travelling. Doctor, will you just, just tell her? The Doctor: Tell her what? Clara: Tell her that she's special. The Doctor: Have you gone bananas? Courtney: Do you really think I'm not special? You can't just take me away like that. It's like you kicked a big hole in in the side of my life. You really think it? I'm nothing? I'm not special? The Doctor: [ quietly ] Pfft. God. [ normal ] How'd you like to be the first woman on the moon? Is that special enough for you? Courtney: Yeah, all right. The Doctor: OK. Now we can do something interesting. Clara: Hey, Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Cargo bay ] Courtney: This isn't the moon. Where are we? The Doctor: On a recycled space shuttle. 2049, judging by that prototype version of the Bennett oscillator. The Doctor: Where's the gravity coming from? Clara: What are they? The Doctor: About a hundred nuclear bombs. [ BEEPING ] The Doctor: Ah. We're on our way to the moon. [ BEEPING CONTINUES ] Check that. We're about to crash into it! Hold on! Hold on! Clara: Why didn't you just tell her you didn't mean it? Lundvik: Who the hell do you think you are? The Doctor: Why have you got all these nuclear bombs? Lundvik: I'm not going to give you another chance. The Doctor: Oh? Well, you're just going to have to shoot us, then. Shoot the little girl first. Courtney: What? The Doctor: Yes. She doesn't want to stand there watching us getting shot, does she? She'll be terrified. Girl first, then her teacher, and then me. You'll have to spend a lot of time shooting me because I will keep on regenerating. The Doctor: In fact, I'm not entirely sure that I won't keep on regenerating for ever. Clara: Doctor, what are you doing? The Doctor: Gravity test. So, it'll be very time-consuming and messy, and rather wasteful, because I think I might just possibly be able to help you. You see, I am a super-intelligent alien being who flies in time and space. Are you going to shoot me? Lundvik: No. The Doctor: Good. Why have you got all these nuclear bombs? No, no, no. Easier question. What's wrong with my yo-yo? Clara: Doctor, it goes up and down. The Doctor: Bingo. Clara: Ah. The Doctor: Ah ha. We should be bouncing about this cabin like little fluffy clouds. But we're not. What is the matter with the moon? Lundvik: Nobody knows. Clara: Do you know what's wrong with the moon? The Doctor: It's put on weight. Lundvik: How can the moon put on weight? The Doctor: Oh, lots of ways. Gravity bombs, axis alignment systems, planet shellers. Lundvik: So it's alien. The Doctor: Must be causing chaos on Earth. The tides will be so high that they will drown whole cities. Lundvik: Yeah. The Doctor: So what are you doing about it? The Doctor: This? Lundvik: That's what you do with aliens, isn't it? Blow them up? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Moon ] Courtney: Wow. Wow! One small thing for a thing. One enormous thing for a thingy thing. Lundvik: So much for history. Lundvik: There was a mining survey, Mexicans. Something happened up here. Nobody knows what. That's when the trouble began back on Earth. High tide everywhere at once. The greatest natural disaster in history. Clara: Cobwebs? Lundvik: Henry, go back and prime the bombs. Henry: Er, is there any instructions? Lundvik: There's a switch on each of them. The light goes red. Henry: They won't go off? Lundvik: No, not till I've fiddled with this thing. [ HE SIGHS ] Henry: OK. Lundvik: Shall we? The Doctor: Is that the best you could get? Lundvik: Second-hand space shuttle, third-hand astronauts. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Module ] The Doctor: How many people here? Lundvik: Four. Minera Luna San Pedro. It was privately financed. They where doing a mineral survey up here. The Doctor: Messages? Mayday? SOS? Duke: Pretty much all the satellites had been whacked out of orbit. They managed to send back some screams. The Doctor: So then you came up here to rescue them with your bombs? Duke: Not quite. Lundvik: They disappeared ten years ago. The Doctor: Nobody came? Lundvik: There was no shuttle. The Doctor: You had one. Lundvik: It was in a museum. They'd cut the back off it so kids could ride in it. We'd stopped going into space. Nobody cared. Not until [ SCREAM ] Clara: Courtney! Clara: Oh, my God. Doctor, tell me there wasn't anyone inside that thing. The Doctor: I could, but it wouldn't make it true. Duke: I'll get some power back on. Clara: Come on. Now, Courtney, come here. Don't look. You all right? Courtney: I'm OK. Clara: Hey. Look. Look at me. Look. It's all right if you're not. Courtney: I'm fine. What did it? The Doctor: Maybe something trying to find out how you're put together. Or maybe how you tasted. Courtney: Do we have guns? Lundvik: Not unless you brought some. The Doctor: Chicken, apparently. The Doctor: Save the air. The Doctor: They didn't find anything. Lundvik: Eh? The Doctor: The Mexicans. They didn't find any minerals on the moon at all. Nada. The Doctor: Oh. Clara: Oh? The Doctor: Lines of tectonic stress. Lundvik: That's the Mare Fecunditatis. It's been there since the Apollo days. It's always been there. The Doctor: No, no, no. These are much, much bigger. Sea of Tranquillity. Sea of Nectar. Sea of Ingenuity. Sea of Crises. Clara: Meaning? The Doctor: Meaning, Clara, that the moon, this little planetoid that's been tagging along beside you for a hundred million years, which gives you light at night and seas to sail on, is in the process of falling to bits. [ RUMBLING ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ Moon ] Henry: Hello, Captain? Captain? Captain? [ HE PANTS ] Henry: Argh! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Module ] [ HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING ] Courtney: What the hell was that? Lundvik: Duke, is that you? Duke (O.C.): I don't sound anything like that. Lundvik: Can you try and get the lights back on? Duke (O.C.): That's what I'm doing. The Doctor: Torch. Give me your torch. Whatever it is, it's in here. [ SCUTTLING ] The Doctor: I think we've found your alien. [ IT SHRIEKS ] The Doctor: Back, back, back! We need a door. A door, a door! Clara: Here! Here! The door's locked. The Doctor: Come on, come on! There's no power to work it. [ SHRIEKING ] Come on! Clara: Doctor. The Doctor: Stay still. It's sensing movement. It can't see you. Fast movement. There must be another exit through there. Slowly. [ SCUTTLING ] Slowly. Head to that exit. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly, slowly. The Doctor: Gently, gently. When I say run, run. Lundvik: Who made you the boss? The Doctor: Well, you say run, then. Lundvik: Duke! Duke: Argh! Lundvik: Duke! The Doctor: Run! We have power. Run! Clara: Quick, it's shutting. Courtney: Miss! Clara: Courtney! Courtney! Courtney: Miss! Clara: Courtney! The power's gone again. Courtney: It's killed him. It's coming in here! Doctor, it's coming in here! The Doctor: You'll be OK! Lundvik: Henry? Henry? The Doctor: Courtney, look at me. Look at me! Courtney! The Doctor: Try and get to the door! Try and get yourself down here. [ SIREN WAILS ] The Doctor: Courtney, grab my yo-yo! The Doctor: Courtney! Clara: Courtney. Courtney: Kills ninety nine percent of all known germs. The Doctor: Good stuff, Courtney. Just don't try that at home, OK? Clara: You all right? Courtney: Why did I just fly? This is nuts. The Doctor: Did you say germs? Oh, God, this is incredible. Look at the size of it. It's the size of a badger. Clara: Doctor The Doctor: It's a prokaryotic unicellular life form, with non-chromosomal DNA. Which, as you and me know. Well, not you and me. Well, you, certainly not. You and me, yes, scientists know, this is a germ. You flew because that one point three billion tonnes shifted. It moved. It's an unstable mass. Courtney: I'm scared, Miss. Clara: OK. Lundvik: He'd just had a grand-daughter. Elina. She was his first. He was my teacher. He taught me how to fly. We were both given the sack on the same day. The Doctor: Which way to the Mare Fecunditatis? Courtney: Please can I go home now? I'm really. I'm really sorry, but I'd like to go home. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Moon ] Lundvik: Henry, come in. If you don't mind, Henry, come in. Clara: Doctor, this is dangerous now. The Doctor: It was dangerous before. Everything's dangerous if you want it to be. Eating chips is dangerous. Crossing the road. It's no way to live your life. Tell her. You're supposed to be teaching her. Clara: Look, I have a duty of care, OK? You know what that is? The Doctor: Course I know what a duty of care is. What are you suggesting? She's fine. What are you, thirty five? Courtney: Fifteen. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] The Doctor: Now, don't touch anything. Courtney: You got any games? The Doctor: Oh, don't be so stupid! Courtney: Can I get reception up here? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Cargo bay ] The Doctor: Get in. Clara: Why are you shutting her in? We don't need to stay, do we? The Doctor: Eh? Clara: It's obvious, isn't it? The moon doesn't break up. The Doctor: How do you know? Clara: Because I've been in the future, and the moon is still there. I think. You know the moon is still there, right? The Doctor: Maybe it isn't the moon. Maybe it's a hologram or a big painting, or a special effect. Maybe it's a completely different moon. Clara: But you would know. The Doctor: I would? Clara: If the moon fell to bits in 2049, somebody would've mentioned it. It would have come up in conversation. So it doesn't break up. So the world doesn't end. So, let's just get in the TARDIS and go. The Doctor: Clara, there are some moments in time that I simply can't see. Little eye-blinks. They don't look the same as other things. They're not clear. They're fuzzy, they're grey. Little moments in which big things are decided. And this is one of them. Just now, I can't tell what happens to the moon, because whatever happens to the moon hasn't been decided yet. And it's going to be decided here and now. Which very much sounds as though it's up to us. Lundvik: Neither of you are going anywhere. I've lost my crew. We were the last astronauts. This is the last shuttle, these are the last nuclear bombs. We're the last chance for Earth, and you're staying to help me. The Doctor: Decision made. Clara: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Moon ] The Doctor: What is killing the moon? Clara: How can the moon die, though? The Doctor: Everything does, sooner or later. Lundvik: Can we save it? The Doctor: Depends what's killing it. Lundvik: There are the other three. Clara: Is it those germ things, then? Are they like cockroaches? Is it, is it an infestation? Lundvik: Is it? The Doctor: Well, I've only seen one of them. It would take an awful lot more to cause the moon to put on one point three billion tonnes. The Doctor: Argh! Clara: Doctor! Lundvik: It's a vacuum. It won't work. The Doctor: Well, that makes two. Clara: Sunlight. Lundvik: Sunlight? Clara: If they're germs. My nan says it's the best disinfectant there is. The Doctor: Shine your light down there. Lundvik: Where have they come from? The Doctor: Maybe they've been there all the time. It's warmish. They're multiplying, feeding, evolving. Lundvik: Doctor, if the moon breaks up, it'll kill us all in about forty five minutes. The Doctor: I agree. Unless something else is going on. Lundvik: There's no water on the moon. The Doctor: It's not water. It's amniotic fluid. The stuff that life comes from. I've got to go down there. Lundvik: Doctor. The Doctor: Back to your shuttle. Get your bombs ready. You, get to the TARDIS. Get safe. Get Courtney safe. I will be back. Clara: What? No. Doctor. Doctor! Clara: Doctor! Lundvik: Will he? [ SHE SIGHS ] Lundvik: Will he be back? Clara: If he says so, I suppose he will. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] Courtney: Miss? Come in. Clara (O.C.): Courtney? Courtney: I'm bored. When are you coming back? Clara (O.C.): We're on our way. What you doing? Courtney: Putting some pictures on Tumblr. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Moon ] Clara: No! Courtney, don't put any photos on Tumblr. Lundvik: My granny used to put things on Tumblr. [ RUMBLING ] [ THEY PANT ] Lundvik: There he is. Clara: Was that where we landed? [ RUMBLING ] It looks so different. Lundvik: It's going down. Clara: Courtney! Doctor! Lundvik: We going to have to take cover. We're running out of oxygen. Clara: Doctor! [ RUMBLING ] The Doctor: Today's the day, humankind. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Module ] Clara: Where's the TARDIS? The Doctor: She's in the shuttle, isn't she? She'll turn up. Clara: Last time you said that, she turned up on the wrong side of the planet. The Doctor: You two have never gotten on, have you? Clara: Look, we need to know where Courtney is. The Doctor: Courtney is safe. Och. Well, do you have her phone number? Clara: No, no, no. Of course I don't have her phone number. The Doctor: Well, what about the school? Does the secretary have her number? Clara: I can't. The secretary hates me. She thinks I gave her a packet of TENA Lady for Secret Santa. Look. Courtney's posting stuff on Tumblr. Doesn't that know where you are? Lundvik: I don't know. I'm not a historian. The Doctor: Phone. I know what the problem is. Oh, she can't post that. She can't put pictures of me online. Courtney (on screen): Yeah? The Doctor: You can't put pictures of me online. Clara: Are you OK? Courtney (on screen): Er, I'm fine. What's up? Lundvik: You said you know what the problem is. The Doctor: Yes, yes. It's a rather big problem. Clara: OK,.do you want to share it with the class? The Doctor: Well, I had a little hypothesis. The seismic activity, the surface breaking up, the variable mass, the increase in gravity, the fluid. I scanned what's down there. The Doctor: The moon isn't breaking apart. Well, actually, it is breaking apart, and rather quickly. We've got about an hour and a half. But that isn't the problem. It's not infested. Courtney (on screen): What are they, then, those things? The Doctor: Bacteria. Tiny, tiny bacteria living on something very, very big. Something that weighs about one point three billion tonnes. Something that's living. Something growing. Clara: Growing? The Doctor: That. Courtney (on screen): That lives under the moon? The Doctor: No. Clara: What? The Doctor: That doesn't live under the moon. That is the moon. Lundvik: What the hell are you talking about? The Doctor: The moon isn't breaking apart. The moon is hatching. Clara: Huh? The Doctor: The moon's an egg. Clara: Has it, er, has it always been an egg? The Doctor: Yes, for a hundred million years or so. Just, just growing. Just getting ready to be born. Clara: OK. So the moon has never been the moon? The Doctor: No, no, no, no. It's never been dead. It's just taking a long time to come alive. Courtney (on screen): Is it a chicken? The Doctor: No! Courtney (on screen): Cos, for a chicken to have laid an egg that big The Doctor: Courtney, don't spoil the moment. Clara: Doctor, what is it? The Doctor: I think that it's unique. I think that's the only one of its kind in the universe. I think that that is utterly beautiful. Lundvik: How do we kill it? Clara: Why'd you want to kill it? Courtney (on screen): It's a little baby. Lundvik: Doctor, how do we kill it? The Doctor: Kill the moon? The Doctor: Kill the moon. Well, you have about a hundred of the best man-made nuclear weapons, if they still work. If that's what you want to do. Clara: Doctor, wait Lundvik: Will that do it? The Doctor: A hundred nuclear bombs set off right where we are, right on top of a living, vulnerable creature? It'll never feel the sun on its back. Lundvik: And then what? Will the moon still break up? You said, you said we had an hour and a half? The Doctor: Well, there'll be nothing to make it break up. There will be nothing trying to force its way out. The gravity of the little dead baby will pull all the pieces back together again. Of course, it won't be very pretty. You'd have an enormous corpse floating in the sky. You might have some very difficult conversations to have with your kids. Lundvik: I don't have any kids. Clara: Stop. Right, listen. This is a, this is a life. I mean, this must be the biggest life in the universe. Courtney (on screen): It's not even been born. Lundvik: It is killing people. It is destroying the Earth. Clara: You cannot blame a baby for kicking. Lundvik: Let me tell you something. You want to know what I took back from being in space? Look at the edge of the Earth. The atmosphere, that is paper thin. That is the only thing that saves us all from death. Everything else, the stars, the blackness. That's all dead. Sadly, that is the only life any of us will ever know. Courtney (on screen): There's life here. There's life just next door. Lundvik: Look, when you've grown up a bit, you'll realise that everything doesn't have to be nice. Some things are just bad. Anyway, you ran away. It's none of your business. Courtney (on screen): Doctor, I want to come back. Clara: Courtney, you'll be safer where you are. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] Courtney: Doctor, I'm sorry. I want to come back, OK? I want to help. The Doctor (O.C.): Ah, there's some DVDs on the blue book shelf. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Module ] The Doctor: Just stick one into the TARDIS console. That'll bring you to me. Courtney (on screen): Right. The Doctor: And make sure you hang on to the console, otherwise the TARDIS will leave you behind. Clara: So what do we do? Doctor? Huh? Doctor, what do we do? The Doctor: Nothing. Clara: What? The Doctor: We don't do anything. I'm sorry, Clara. I can't help you. Clara: Of course you can help. The Doctor: The Earth isn't my home. The moon's not my moon. Sorry. Clara: Come on. Hey. The Doctor: Listen, there are moments in every civilisation's history in which the whole path of that civilisation is decided. The whole future path. Whatever future humanity might have depends upon the choice that is made right here and right now. Now, you've got the tools to kill it. You made them. You brought them up here all on your own, with your own ingenuity. You don't need a Time Lord. Kill it. Or let it live. I can't make this decision for you. Clara: Yeah, well, I can't make it. The Doctor: Well, there's two of you here. Clara: Well, yeah. A school teacher and an astronaut. The Doctor: Who's better qualified? Clara: I don't know! The President of America. The Doctor: Oh, take something off his plate. He makes far too many decisions anyway. Lundvik: She. The Doctor: She. Sorry. She hasn't even been into space. She hasn't been to another planet. How would she even know what to do? Clara: I am asking you for help. The Doctor: Listen, we went to dinner in Berlin in 1937, right? We didn't nip out after pudding and kill Hitler. I've never killed Hitler. And you wouldn't expect me to kill Hitler. The future is no more malleable than the past. Clara: OK, don't you do this to make some kind of point. The Doctor: Sorry. Well, actually, no, I'm not sorry. It's time to take the stabilisers off your bike. It's your moon, womankind. It's your choice. Clara: And you're just going to stand there? The Doctor: Absolutely not. Clara: Doctor? The Doctor: A teenager, an astronaut and a schoolteacher. Lundvik: Hang on a minute. We can get in there, can't we? You can sort it out with that thing. The Doctor: No. Some decisions are too important not to make on your own. Clara: Doctor. Doctor? Doctor! Lundvik: Oh, what a prat. [ THUDDING ] [ SHRIEKING ] [ RUMBLING ] Lundvik: I'm going to detonate the bombs, agreed? Agreed? Lundvik: Hang on tight, there's been a breach! Clara: If we let it live, what would happen if the moon wasn't there? Lundvik: Listen, we haven't got time for this. Clara: We're discussing it! What would happen if the moon wasn't there? Courtney: I have a physics book in my bag. There's this thing on gravity? Lundvik: Super. Is there a word search? Clara: OK, there would be no tides. But we'd survive that, right? They've knocked out the satellites. There's no internet, no mobiles. I'd be fine with that. Lundvik: It's not going to just stop being there, because inside the moon, Miss, is a gigantic creature forcing its way out. And when it does, which is going to be pretty damn soon, there are going to be huge chunks of the moon heading right for us, like whatever killed the dinosaurs, only ten thousand times bigger. Clara: But the moon isn't make of rock and stone, is it? It's made of eggshell. Lundvik: Oh, God. OK, OK, fine. If, by some miracle, the shell isn't too thick, or if it disperses, or if it goes into orbit, whatever, there's still going to be a massive thing there, isn't there, that just popped out. And what the hell do you imagine that is? Courtney: Loads of things lay eggs. Lundvik: It's not a chicken. Courtney: I'm not saying it's a chicken. I'm not completely stupid. Lundvik: It's an exoparasite. Courtney: A what? Lundvik: Like a flea. Or a head louse. Clara: I'm going to have to be a lot more certain than that if I'm going to kill a baby. Lundvik: Oh, you want to talk about babies?. You've probably got babies down there now. You want to have babies? Clara: Well, yeah. Courtney: Mister Pink. Clara: Shush! Lundvik: OK. You imagine you've got children down there on Earth now, right? Grandchildren maybe. You want that thing to get out? Kill them all? You want today to be the day life on Earth stopped because you couldn't make an unfair decision? Listen, I don't want to do this. All my life I've dreamed about coming here. But this is how it has to end. Courtney: Oi! Lundvik: I've given us an hour. There's a cut-out here. If anyone has any bright ideas, or if he comes back, that stops it. But once it's pressed, it stays pressed. Clara: And if he doesn't come back? Lundvik: I didn't expect to survive anyway. Courtney: He's going to come back, though, right? Isn't he, Miss? Clara: Hey, why don't you call me Clara? Courtney: I prefer Miss, Miss. We just need to make up our minds, that's all. Well, you know him. Clara: I think he really might just be leaving it to us. [ RADIO CRACKLES ] McKean (O.C.): Can anybody hear me? Come in, please. Can anybody Lundvik: Lundvik. McKean (on screen): This is ground control. Lundvik: Yeah, yeah, I can tell by your haircut. How are things down there? McKean (on screen): Pretty bad. Yeah. Pretty bad. Listen, we're patched in to one of the TV satellites. We haven't got long. How are things up there? Clara: Can we broadcast on this? McKean (on screen): Who are you? Clara: School trip. Can we broadcast on this? McKean (on screen): Well, yes. Clara: Hello, Earth. We have a terrible decision to make. It's an uncertain decision and we don't have a lot of time. [ SPIDERS SHRIEK ] We can kill this creature or we can let it live. We don't know what it's going to do, we don't know what's going to happen when it hatches. If it will hurt us, help us, or just leave us alone. We have to decide together. This is the last time we'll be able to speak to you, but you can send us a message. If you think we should kill the creature, turn your lights off. If you think we should take the chance, let it live, leave your lights on. We'll be able to see. Goodnight, Earth. Clara: Was that OK? Courtney: Yeah. [ CRASHING ] Clara: Come on. Let's see. [ RUMBLING AND CRASHING ] [ ALARM BEEPS ] Courtney: Night, night. Clara: Oh, Doctor, where have you gone? Lundvik: We can't risk it all just to be nice. Clara: OK. Courtney: Miss? Lundvik: Nine seconds. Courtney: You can't! Lundvik: Sorry, girls. See you on the other side. Two Lundvik: Hey! The Doctor: One, two, three, into the TARDIS. Lundvik: What's happening? The Doctor: Let's go and have a look, shall we? [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] Lundvik: Bloody idiots. Bloody irresponsible idiots. The Doctor: Mind your language, please, There are children present. Lundvik: You should have left me there, let me die. I wanted to die up there with the universe in front of me, not being crushed to death on Earth. The Doctor: Nobody's going to die. Lundvik: Could you please let us see what's happening? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Beach ] Courtney: What's it doing? The Doctor: It's feeling the sun on itself. It's getting warm. The chick flies away and the eggshell disintegrates. Harmless. Clara: Did you know? The Doctor: You made your decision. Humanity made its choice. Lundvik: No, we ignored humanity. The Doctor: Well, there you go. Lundvik: So what happens now, then? Tell me what happens now. The Doctor: In the mid-twenty first century humankind starts creeping off into the stars, spreads its way through the galaxy to the very edges of the universe. And it endures till the end of time. The Doctor: And it does all that because one day in the year 2049, when it had stopped thinking about going to the stars, something occurred that make it look up, not down. It looked out there into the blackness and it saw something beautiful, something wonderful, that for once it didn't want to destroy. And in that one moment, the whole course of history was changed. Not bad for a girl from Coal Hill School, and her teacher. Courtney: Oh, my gosh. It laid a new egg. It's beautiful. Doctor, it's beautiful. The Doctor: That's what we call a new moon. Courtney: You can be the first woman on that. The Doctor: I think that somebody deserves a thank you. Lundvik: Yeah, probably. Thank you. Thank you for stopping me. Thank you for giving me the moon back. The Doctor: OK, Captain. Well, you've got a whole new space programme to get together. NASA is er, it's that way. About two and a half thousand miles. You still got your vortex manipulators? I'll give you a run home. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] The Doctor: Not that it's any of my business, but I think you did the right thing. Clara: Yeah, you're right. It's none of your business. Come on, Courtney, off you go. Double Geography. Courtney: Can we do it again? Clara: Go. Go, go. Chop chop. [ DOOR CLOSES ] [ TARDIS WHIRRS ] Clara: Tell me what you knew. The Doctor: Nothing. I told you, I've got grey areas. Clara: Yeah. I noticed. Tell me what you knew, Doctor, or else I'll smack you so hard you'll regenerate. The Doctor: I knew that eggs are not bombs. I know they don't usually destroy their nests. Essentially, what I knew was that you would always make the best choice. I had faith that you would always make the right choice. Clara: Honestly, do you have music playing in your head when you say rubbish like that? The Doctor: It wasn't my decision to make. I told you. Clara: Well, why did you do it? Was it for Courtney, was that it? The Doctor: Well, she really is something special now, isn't she? First woman on the moon, saved the Earth from itself, and, rather bizarrely, she becomes the President of the United States. She met this bloke called Blinovitch Clara: Do you know what? Shut up! I am so sick of listening to you! The Doctor: Well, I didn't do it for Courtney. I didn't know what was going to happen. Do you think I'm lying? Clara: I don't know. I don't know. If you didn't do it for her, I mean. Do you know what? It was, it was cheap, it was pathetic. No, no, no. It was patronising. That was you patting us on the back, saying, you're big enough to go to the shops by yourself now. Go on, toddle along. The Doctor: No, that was me allowing you to make a choice about your own future. That was me respecting you. Clara: Oh, my God, really? Was it? Yeah, well, respected is not how I feel. The Doctor: Right. OK. Er. Clara: I nearly didn't press that button. I nearly got it wrong. That was you, my friend, making me scared. Making me feel like a bloody idiot. The Doctor: Language. Clara: Oh, don't you ever tell me to mind my language. Don't you ever tell me to take the stabilisers off my bike. And don't you dare lump me in with the rest of all the little humans that you think are so tiny and silly and predictable. You walk our Earth, Doctor, you breathe our air. You make us your friend, and that is your moon too. And you can damn well help us when we need it. The Doctor: I was helping. Clara: What, by clearing off? The Doctor: Yes. Clara: Yeah, well, clear off! Go on. You can clear off. Get back in your lonely, your lonely bloody TARDIS and you don't come back. The Doctor: Clara. Clara. Clara: You go away. OK? You go a long way away. [ DOOR SLAMS ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ Class ] Danny: Hello. Clara: Hey. Now then. Danny: What've you been up to? Clara: The usual. Danny: It happened, didn't it? Clara: Well, he was wrong, wasn't he? Wasn't he? Danny, what do you think? Danny: I think I've seen this look before. Clara: No, you haven't. This is new for me. Danny: No, not on your face. On mine. Clara: What did you do? Danny: I left the army. Clara: You loved the army. Danny: Yep. And then one day I didn't. Clara: I'm done, I'm done. I am finished with it. I am, I am, I'm done. It's over. I'm finished with him, and I told him that. What is that face for? Why don't you believe me? Danny: Because you're still angry. You can never finish with anyone while they can still make you angry. Tell him when you're calm, and then tell me. Clara: When did you get to become so wise? Danny: Same way as anyone else. I had a really bad day.

The Doctor takes Clara and her student Courtney on a trip. They arrive in 2049 on a Space Shuttle to the Moon with one hundred nuclear bombs . Noting the Moon's higher gravity and meeting Captain Lundvik, the Doctor questions her, where he's told that her team are on a suicide mission to blow up the Moon. A sudden mass high tide had threatened humanity's existence. Miners are found entombed in spider webs. The Doctor notices from the miners' photographs that the Moon is starting to break apart. A spider-like being attacks the group. The Doctor determines that the Moon is an egg, with the creature inside ready to hatch. The Doctor abandons them, forcing Lundvik, Clara, and Courtney to decide the fate of the creature. They let Earth's population decide; people of Earth vote to destroy the creature. Clara intervenes and stops the bombs' countdown, and the Doctor rescues them from the Moon. From Earth, they watch the creature hatch and the shell disintegrate, with the creature laying a new egg as a new Moon. Clara confronts the Doctor, claiming that it was his decision to make too. She leaves the Doctor, to be comforted by Danny.

fd_Roswell_01x04

fd_Roswell_01x04_0

"Missing" 5th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 1ADA04 [SCENE_BREAK] (Streets at night, Liz walking home) Voice-Over: It's funny how the world changes sometimes, how the streets you walked your entire life seem darker, colder. How the silence isn't so quiet anymore. How eyes you've barely even noticed now look at nothing but you. How the walk home every night is no longer routine, but a victory. And then you begin to wonder...maybe it's not the world that's changed. Maybe it's just you. (Liz discovers her journal is missing) Voice-Over: And then, suddenly...you begin to wonder all over again. (Liz at Maria's house) Maria: Liz, what's wrong? Liz: My journal's missing. Maria: And? Liz: Maria, I wrote everything in that journal. Maria: Everything? Liz: Things about Max. Maria: Personal things about Max? Liz: Everything. Maria: What?! Like where he's from, what he is, I mean, what he isn't? Liz: I mean...everything. (Opening credits) (Michael wakes up suddenly and tries to draw the image he saw) (Michael wakes up Max at 3 in the morning) Michael: Hey man, what's going on? Max: Since you asked, REM sleep. Please tell me this is important, Michael. Michael: It is. I dreamt it, Max. I've seen it more clearly that I ever have. Max: What? Michael: This. It's what I saw that night at Valenti's office. When I touched the key, that's what I saw. Max: You saw a semicircle? Michael: No no no. I saw this, Max. This. Max: And what is this? Michael: I don't know yet. But I saw it. I didn't even remember until tonight. I had to tell somebody. Max: And I appreciate that I'm the one you chose to wake at 3 in the morning to tell that you've been dreaming about semicircles, but maybe we can talk about this in the morning? Michael: Yeah, ok. In the morning. (Michael gestures to the floor) Michael: Would you mind? Max: No, no. Go ahead. (Michael unrolls the sleeping bag and goes to sleep) (Maria and Liz talking at school the next morning) Maria: What we need to do is reconstruct the crime. Liz: Reconstruct the crime? Maria: Motive and opportunity, Liz. That's the key. I mean, this is Roswell. You can't just ignore things like this. Liz: Look, I told you there was nothing unusual. I was studying with Alex yesterday and... Maria: Alex? Ok, ok, we have opportunity. Liz: Yeah, well, we were in my room and then he left and went home and...and...wait a second. Maria: Hmmm? Liz: Why am I reconstructing a crime when there is absolutely no crime to reconstruct? It's misplaced, Maria. It's not stolen. Maria: Yeah, until we ask ourselves, "Why would Alex want the diary?" Has he been feeling ignored, curious, asking questions we don't answer, seeking explanations we don't give? Come on. And what better way to find those answers than in your journal? Now that's a motive. Was he alone in your room? Liz: This is ridiculous. Maria: Liz, I'm your friend, ok? I'm just trying to help you out here. Ok, so was he alone? Alex? At any time? Liz: Well, yeah he was. I went to go get a soda. Maria: So he was alone... (Alex walks up to Liz and Maria) Alex: Ladies... Liz: Hi Alex. Maria: Alex! Alex: Uh, so what are we talking about? Liz: Nothing really important. Maria: Nothing important. Alex: Ah, nothing game again. Ok. Well, I just wanted to remind you about the McCarthy thing that we gotta do. Liz: McCarthy? Alex: The oral report. Liz: Oh yeah. Alex: So we should get together sometime and talk about that. Liz: Yeah, sure. Alex: So, I'm off to gym. Dodge ball. Ok, so...wish me luck. Liz: Good luck! Alex: Thank you very much. (Alex walks off) Liz: How am I going to tell Max? Maria: My advice...over drinks. (Max is having trouble with a vending machine) Liz: You hungry? Max: Oh, no. It's this machine. It's always acting up. Liz: Can I ask you something? Max: Sure, but I have to be honest with you, Liz. At this point, I don't think I have any secrets left. Max: Liz? Liz: Look, Max...there's something that you should know because something happened... (Michael interrupts) Michael: Hope I'm not interrupting. Liz: No, you're not. Max: Liz? Liz: Um, it's nothing, Max. It's nothing important. Liz (to Michael): We...we just bumped into each other because I was walking this way from...and then he was coming that way, and we just... Michael: Interesting...bye, Liz. (Liz walks off) Max: You said you'd be nicer to her. Michael: And you said you'd stay away from her. Let's call it even. (Liz is sitting in a dark classroom thinking about what to do) Topolsky: Liz? Liz: Ms. Topolsky? Liz: Oh, um...yeah, I was...I was just leaving. Topolsky: Not on my account, I hope. Liz: Oh, no, not at all. I was...I'm just...late for something. Topolsky: Liz, I'm sure you have a fine reason for sitting alone in a dark classroom, but I wouldn't be much of a guidance counselor if I didn't ask what that reason is. Liz: Oh, it's nothing. Yeah...everything's great. Topolsky: Sometimes we think we're all alone, but we're not. There are people all around us willing and eager to help. Maybe I'm not the first person you'd turn to in a moment like this, but I want you to know I'm not only a guidance counselor. Liz: You're not? Topolsky: No, I'm also a friend...now, does that make it any easier? Liz: Oh...yeah...it does. Topolsky: Good. Topolsky: Is everything really ok, Liz? Liz: Everything's great. Thank you. (Liz leaves the classroom) (Maria sees Alex walking in a hallway and walks up to him) ["Pick a Part That's New" by Stereophonics is playing] Maria: Hey. Alex: Maria De Luca, ladies and gentlemen. Where's Parker? Maria: Oh, Liz? I don't know. Anyway, she's dealing with some stuff, so... Alex: Let me guess...Kyle's making a pathetic attempt at regaining boyfriend status. Maria: No no. Nothing like that. Alex: Well, then what was it? Or is this one of these things that you can no longer talk with Alex about? Maria: Look, I...I know it must really bother you the way Liz and I clam up every time you come around. Alex: Yeah, it's a little annoying. Maria: Yeah, of course, and I'm sure it's our fault. I mean, actually...I know it's our fault and I just hope that... Alex: What? Maria: I just hope that it wouldn't cause you to do anything...you know...out of character... Alex: Ok, what are you talking about? Maria: Liz's diary is missing and... Alex: Wait...wait a second. Are you accusing me of taking Liz's diary? Maria: No no no. I'm not saying that at all. No. It's just that Liz and I were running through the facts of the case...you know, motive and opportunity... Alex: So Liz is accusing me? Maria: No no. That's not what I'm saying either. It's just that, based on certain factors, you emerge as a credible suspect...but I know that that couldn't be true, right? I mean, it couldn't, could it? Alex: Ok, you know what? The next time you and Liz feel the urge to share with me, you know...feel the impulse to really open up...do me a favor, ok? Let it pass. (Alex walks off) (Alex is at his locker and slams it very hard) Topolsky: That's school property, you know. Alex: Oh, Ms. Topolsky. I didn't know anyone was....I'm sorry about that. Topolsky: Actually, it's not the locker I'm worried about, Alex. Alex: Oh, me? Oh, no. You don't have to do that. I'm fine...really. I'm, I'm great! Topolsky: Alex, could I talk with you in my office for a minute? Alex: Yeah. (In Topolsky's office) Alex: No, it's just...you know, things change. People change. You accept it and you move on. Topolsky: Who's changed, Alex? You? Alex: No, not me. Topolsky: Your girlfriend? Alex: No, I don't have a...no girlfriend, Ms. Topolsky. Topolsky: Well, that doesn't surprise me. Teenage girls can never spot the good ones. I mean, look at Liz Parker....dating Kyle Valenti. He's a little obvious, don't you think? Alex: Yeah, well...you know, apparently Liz is going through some stuff right now, so... Topolsky: Stuff? Alex: It's stupid. Liz loses her diary, and the next thing I know, Inspector De Luca tells me that they have me pinned as the main suspect. These are my good friends, you know? Topolsky: Would you like me to talk to them, Alex? Try to straighten this out? Alex: No no. It's ok. I can deal....well, anyway, I'm late for class, so... (Alex leaves and Topolsky calls someone on the phone) Man on Phone: Control. Topolsky: 7-3-2-9-0 Man on Phone: What have you got? Topolsky: Something interesting has happened. Any chance of sending me some backup? (Michael shows up at an art class that he doesn't go to very regularly) Teacher: That's good, Kelly. Remember to maintain your perspective. Teacher: Mr. Guerin. To what to we owe this pleasure? Michael: What pleasure? Teacher: You, of course. I mean, it's Thursday, and I don't think I recall seeing you since Monday...of last week. Michael: Yeah, I'm sorry about that...but I kinda just really want to draw. Teacher: You kinda just really want to draw? Michael: Yeah...I didn't when they first made me take this class, but now I do. I'm just gonna take this easel here... Teacher: Keep your lines clean, Sydney. (Kyle walks up to Liz and sits next to her) Liz: Hi, Kyle. Kyle: So, you and Max Evans now? Liz: No no. We're...we're just friends. Kyle: Oh, friends. Well, that is a popular position these days, Liz...isn't it? Liz: Look, Kyle. I know that you're angry with me, but this isn't easy for me either. If you could just like, try and understand... Kyle: You know the best part about being broken up, Liz? I don't have to try anymore. (Kyle walks off angrily) (Max is looking at some books at the UFO center) Max's Boss: That's a good read. Max: Yeah, you know...I was, I was just looking... Max's Boss: Of course, Szcerbiak's theory that the military cover-up of the 1947 landing was financed by an international consortium lacks credible evidence to support it. Still, it debunks several fallacies that have long troubled me. But, if you're going to be working here, for my money, these are the books to read. (Max's boss is flipping through books) Max's Boss: Walton...garbage. Ah yes, Atherton. Max: "Among Us" Max's Boss: A bit on the alternative side. Atherton had an underground following...never truly embraced by the mainstream, such that it is. But it may be of some interest to a true believer like yourself. Take a look. Let me know what you think. I know you want answers, Max. Max: Yes, I do. (Liz appears) Max's Boss: Well, go ahead. We both know she's more interesting than I am. Max: Hi. Liz: Hi...listen, can I talk to you for a second? Max: Sure. Liz: Not here. Max: Ok. (Max and Liz go into another room) Max: So, what's going on? Liz: Um...not much, actually. You? Max: Not much. You know, we probably could have had this conversation out front. Liz: Yeah, right...um...we could have. Uh...there is actually one thing...what I didn't tell you before is, Max, um...I, I keep this diary. Max: Still not exactly back-room conversation, Liz. Liz: Well, it's actually more of like a journal. Because that's what scientists call their diaries. Look...anyway, in this journal, I generally write everything that happened to me. Everything important, anyways. And lately that seems to include quite a few things. Max: And one of those things would be about... (Max gestures to himself) Liz: Yeah...right. So that kind of leads us to the problem...the problem being that that journal with the stuff about....that stuff about you and the shooting and that whole entire day and everything....that journal is kind of just...missing. Max: Missing? Liz: Not missing. Max: Not missing? Liz: No, it's misplaced. Max: Misplaced? Liz: Temporarily misplaced. Max: Right... Liz: Yeah.... Max: Ok... Liz: No, I'm sure that there are...I'm sure that it's somewhere stupid, like under my bed or something. Max: What exactly did you write in this thing, Liz? How bad is it? Liz: I'm gonna find it, Max. So, just....don't worry about anything, ok? And tomorrow, after I've found it...we're gonna have a really good laugh. Liz: Just...give me one day, Max. Ok? And just...don't tell anyone, please. I promise you, Max, that I'm going to take care of it. (Liz is frantically searching everywhere for her journal) Liz: Where is it? Where are you? Mrs. Parker: Oh, there you are. Alex just called. Although I'm quite sure that you were in no great rush to speak with him. Liz: Um, how would you know that? Mrs. Parker: How would I know what? Liz: That I might not want to speak with Alex. Why would you say that, mom? I've never even told you that. Mrs. Parker: No, I guess you didn't. Liz: Mom, that's personal and private. I mean, have I ever even said anything to you about Alex or...or Alex and me? Mrs. Parker: No, I don't recall you saying anything. You're right. Liz: I'm just saying, mom, that it seems a little strange that you would say something like that...you know, that you would...that you would conclude something that I've never even told you, that something that I've only even written... Mrs. Parker: Is everything all right with you? Liz: Oh...um, yeah. Sorry...I've, I've just been edgy all day. Sorry. Mrs. Parker: I'll see you later. Liz: Ok. (Mrs. Parker leaves and Liz resumes her search) (At Crashdown, Michael is drawing the sphere image) ["Take a Picture" by Filter is playing] Isabel: Michael, do you really think you should be doing that here? Michael: Doing what? Isabel: Drawing that thing...whatever it is...in public...here. Michael: It's getting clearer. Isabel: It's getting weirder is what it's getting. Max, will you please tell Michael this isn't a good idea? [SCENE_BREAK] (Max is busy reading a UFO book) Isabel: Max, you ok? Max: Yeah yeah. No, it's just Atherton. Listen to this. He says...this guy is nuts...that aliens wouldn't possess the lung capacity or brain capacity for more than short-term survival on Earth. Brain capacity??? Isabel: Max, will you say something to Michael please? He'll listen to you. Max: Wow, that's getting pretty good. Michael: I've been working on it in art class. Isabel: Max, this isn't right. I mean, we're getting careless. Michael: Isabel, it's just a sketch, all right? Isabel: We can't keep pretending that what we do doesn't matter, that what we do isn't noticed, because it is. And if we're not careful, then... (Kyle and group of friends walks into Crashdown, Kyle walks over to Max) Kyle: I'm onto you, Evans. Isabel: What was that about? Max: I have no idea. (Max goes to Liz's house and is a little panicked) Max: Kyle stole it. Kyle stole your journal. Liz: No, Max...don't go Maria on me, ok? It's not stolen, it's just...it's misplaced. Max: "I'm onto you"...just now, he looked right at me and said, "I'm onto you"...it means he read your journal, Liz. It means he knows about me. Liz: No, Max. It's not about the journal. It's about us, ok? Kyle thinks that you had something to do with our breaking up. And he's not a thief. You know, the journal has only been missing for one day. Kyle hasn't been in my house in over a week. Max: And the Crashdown? Liz: No, not there either. (The door opens as Mrs. Parker comes back home; Liz pushes Max into her room so her mom won't see him) Mrs. Parker: Hello? Max: Your room, huh? (Max walks over to a table and notices a CD) Max: Good album. (Max has a flashback) Max: He was here. Liz: Who was here? Max: Kyle. Liz: No, Max. I told you. Kyle hasn't been here for over a week. Max: I saw him. Liz: You saw him? Max: I had a flash, Liz. When things get intense, heightened, sometimes we feel things...see things. He was here, Liz. (Michael is enthusiastically working on his drawing of the dome) ["Novacane" by Beck is playing] (Kyle is playing basketball with a group of guys...Liz walks up to him) Kyle: Hi. Liz: Hi. Liz: I got the CD, Kyle. Thanks. Kyle: Oh yeah? That's great. Your dad let me in. Liz: Kyle, I know when two people break up, it's...it's not easy. It's not as easy as they thought it might be, you know? Kyle: Yeah. Liz: You know, these people...they might say or do things that they don't mean, you know? Uncharacteristic things. Maybe they're just confused, you know? Looking for answers and reasons. Do you know what I mean? Kyle: Yeah, I do. That's why I want you to know that you can ask me anything, Liz. I don't have any secrets from you. Liz: Is that what you think, Kyle? I have secrets? Do you think it's those secrets that broke us up? Kyle: Well, maybe, Liz. Liz: So when you were in my room, alone, you had a chance to discover what those secrets were. Isn't that right? Kyle: What? What are you so scared of? Liz: What? Kyle: What secrets are you so afraid of me knowing? The truth about Max Evans? About why you've been so weird ever since that day at the Crashdown? Is that what your secrets are? Liz: Kyle, this is serious. What you have, I really need back. Kyle: We all want something back, Liz. It's too bad life isn't always fair. (Kyle walks off) Liz: Kyle... (At school, Michael's drawing is on display) Isabel: This isn't good, you know. Max: No, I see that. Michael: It's pretty good, huh? I didn't even know I could paint. But Mr. Cowan said it's the best thing that's come out of this class all year. Isabel: Michael, this isn't right. Michael: What isn't? Isabel: A public display...your thing just sitting here. Michael: This is not a thing, all right. It's...I'm not exactly sure what it is, but... Max: What Isabel is trying to say is that it's not a very good idea. It could be dangerous. Michael: Dangerous? How can it be dangerous? It doesn't mean anything to anyone, including myself. Max: But Michael, that's not really the point. The point is, we shouldn't be taking chances like this. Michael: You did. Max: Yes, I did. That's right. Michael: But, what? You can take chances and I can't? You can roll the dice with our lives, but if anyone else does, I mean...God forbid, you know... Max: I saved someone's life, Michael. I wasn't dabbling in the arts. (Michael walks off) (Topolsky and some agents have a meeting) Topolsky: I think Liz Parker's diary provides one of the most compelling leads I've ever encountered since I joined the unit. Agent: Wait a second...I cut my vacation short for a diary?...ok, sorry. Topolsky: This is not just a diary, agent. This is potential proof of alien contact. Not from a crackpot farmer or a drunk somewhere, but from a straight A student. Treasurer of the Roswell science club. Agent: So, uh...any idea where this diary might be? Topolsky: I think I do. This is where we should get started. She's been having a problem with her boyfriend. (Liz is at Valenti home) Max: Hey, I'm here if you need me. Liz: Kyle? Sheriff Valenti? Max: Someone should tell the sheriff that deadbolts don't work as well when you leave your door open. Liz: Max, we shouldn't be in here. Max: You're right, so let's make this quick. Which way is Kyle's room? Liz: Max... Max: Look, we'll get in, we'll grab your journal, and we'll get out. And in the process, we'll save my life. So which way is Kyle's room? (Someone else is in the house, probably one of the agents) (Max and Liz goto Kyle's room and start searching) Max: You start in the closet. I'll start here. Max: It's not in here. Any luck? Liz: No. (Max finds a picture of Kyle and Liz hidden under the bed) Liz: It's not in here, Max. Look, maybe Kyle doesn't have it. Max: You mean, maybe Kyle doesn't have it anymore. (A shadow passes by) Max: Wait here. (Kyle comes back home) Liz: Max, it's Kyle. Max: Come on, let's go. (Max and Liz leave out the back) (In art class) Teacher: I see you've chosen your favorite subject. Michael: Yeah, you know I just can't seem to get it out of my head. Teacher: Yeah, I see. That's quite good, Michael. It is. Michael: Thank you. Teacher: But don't you think it's time you drew something else? Michael: Something else? Teacher: Well, when the class drew fruit, you drew this. When the class sketched the human form, you drew this again. You're a talented artist, Mr. Guerin. But you can't go through the semester drawing only a geodesic dome. Michael: A what? Teacher: A geodesic dome. Perhaps before your time. It's a type of house, architecturally postmodern. Michael: A house... Teacher: As I was saying, Mr. Guerin, an artist of your ability can draw something else...something besides this. Perhaps... (Teacher gestures to a statue that the rest of the class is sketching) (Michael complies and draws a stick figure) Teacher: Stick with the dome. (Max, Isabel, and Michael outside at a picnic bench) Max: Michael's painting isn't our biggest problem right now. Isabel: Does that imply that there's a problem I'm not aware of? Max: But before I tell you, you need to know that...it's not Liz's fault. You see, Liz keeps a journal. Everything that happens to her, she writes down. Including that day at the cafe...what I did...who I am...who you are... Max: But you can't blame her, all right? You've got to promise me... Michael: Blame her for what? Max: For losing her journal... Isabel: Oh, my God. Max: I know it sounds bad, but it'll turn up. I know it will. But until then, I'm handling it. Michael, did you hear what I said? Michael? (At Crashdown after hours) ["Torn" by Creed is playing] Liz: Sorry, we're closed. Liz: Michael...um, I'm sorry, the kitchen's closed. Michael: That's all right. I just ate. Liz: Um, you know, actually this is for employees only. Michael: Max told me what happened. Liz: Oh...he did? Liz: What did he say? Michael: He said you wrote it all down, Liz. Liz: He said that? Liz: What do you want? Michael: I want you to know it wasn't smart to write all those things down, Liz. Liz: Yeah...I know that now. Michael: I knew it a week ago. Liz: Excuse me? Michael: That was the night I sat at the first booth. Maybe you remember. (Flashback to a week ago) Michael: It was late like tonight and you were at the counter...writing. Michael: Homework? Liz: Uh, yeah...a little bit. Michael: But it wasn't homework, was it? Liz: No, it wasn't. Michael: You could have put us in an awful spot, Liz. Roswell's not exactly the town you want to be unique in, if you know what I mean. You have to know who your friends are. Michael: I had to know the risk...so I had to know what your journal said. Liz: You took it... Michael: I never meant for things to get out of control...it's nice to know we have at least one friend in this town. (Michael gives the journal back to Liz) Liz: Does Max know that you... Michael: No...and you know what would be really great? If you didn't tell him. Liz: But why didn't you just destroy this, Michael? Because anyone that found this would know all about you. Michael: No...they'd know all about you, Liz. Michael: Thank you for giving me one more reason to envy Max Evans. (Michael turns to leave) Michael: And you might want to get better window locks...for when your criminals happen to be human. (Liz clutches her journal to her chest and walks off) (Liz goes to UFO Center to find Max) Liz: Hi. Max: Oh, hey. Liz: I seem to be finding myself here quite a bit lately. Max: Maybe you'd be interested in the season pass. $19...it includes the guided tour and a box lunch. Liz: Everything's ok, Max. I have my journal. Max: You found it. Liz: I guess you could say it found me. I left it at the Crashdown and a customer returned it. Max: A customer? Liz: A friend...a good friend. Liz: Uh...look, Max, now that this is all over and everything, I feel I owe you an explanation to why I wrote those things. Max: No, you don't. Liz: No...I know you think that I was foolish, you know, to write about that day and you and everything. What I wrote in my journal, it didn't really have anything to do with science. Um...that day that you saved me, I felt something that I just had to put into words...so years from now, if anyone ever...if anyone ever touches me the way that you did, I'll know what it's supposed to feel like. Max: So, can I see it? What you wrote? Liz: Oh...yeah, I don't...I don't think that's a good idea. Max: No? Liz: No. Max: Why? Because if I read what you wrote in your journal, I realize how you really see me. Liz: Exactly. (Outside at picnic benches) Isabel: I can't believe you're still reading that. Max: Guilty pleasure. (Isabel gestures to Michael who's lost in thought) Max: Michael, you ok? Michael: Yeah. I just wish I had a few more answers. The dome, you know? I mean what's the point of having a vision if it doesn't mean anything? Max: Patience, space boy. Isabel: You're in an awfully good mood...does this mean that the diary... Max: Safe and sound. Isabel: So where was it? Max: Liz wouldn't say. She said a good friend brought it back. Anybody want anything? Michael: I'll go with you. Max: Isabel? Isabel: No thanks. (Isabel flips through the book Max was reading) Isabel: Boring. (Isabel drops the book and it opens up to the last page with a picture of the author in front of his house, a geodesic dome) Isabel: Max. Michael. Max: What's the problem? Isabel: This. Michael, it's your vision. (Late an night, Liz is walking home) ["Colorblind" by Counting Crows is playing] Voice-Over: October 28th. I've missed a few days. But in my absence I've been thinking about some things, about life before Max Evans saved me, of how I used to pray for something to happen, something to just break the routine, you know, of school and work...something that would make a small town feel bigger, that would make a small town girl feel bigger, too. And ever since I got my wish and Max Evans patched a bullet hole 2 inches below my ribs, I realized one thing...that the bigger your world gets, the bigger your problems get, too. (Scene fades out as Liz hides her journal behind a loose brick in the wall)

Liz's grandmother is in town. While in town, she is rushed to the hospital after suffering a stroke prompting Liz to reach out to Max for comfort which turns out to be a bad idea, as he'd been beaten up by Kyle's friends and was having to lay low again. He tries to delay her end of life long enough for Liz to say goodbye, by healing her. He is unable to heal her but ultimately Liz is able to talk to her grandma for the very last time, in spirit form, when she dies.

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I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... XANDER: We're getting married. BUFFY: (to Giles) Did you know about this? Anya showing off her ring. ANYA: He couldn't imagine the rest of his life without me. And then he gave me this. Buffy and Spike at the demon poker game. DEMON: Ante up. The demons putting kittens on the table. BUFFY: You play for kittens?! Spike looking annoyed. Buffy and Giles in the workout room. GILES: Have you spoken to Dawn about that incident at Halloween? BUFFY: I thought you took care of that. GILES: Right. BUFFY: What would I do without you? Willow and Tara at the Bronze. TARA: Willow, you are using too much magic. What do you want me to do, just ... sit back and keep my mouth shut? WILLOW: Well, that'd be a good start. Willow and Tara in the bedroom. WILLOW: Let's just forget it ever happened. Willow picking up the forget herb. WILLOW: Forget. Buffy talking to Spike in the alley. BUFFY: I think I was in heaven. I was torn out of there. Willow looking horrified. BUFFY: Pulled out, by my friends. Buffy and Spike kissing at the end of "Once More With Feeling." Suddenly Buffy whirls around and lifts her stake. Reveal Spike directly behind her. He jumps back a little. Buffy looks annoyed. SPIKE: Can we talk? BUFFY: Vocal-cord-wise, yes. With each other? No. She turns, walks a few steps away. SPIKE: We have to talk. BUFFY: (stops walking, sighs) About what? SPIKE: We kissed, Buffy. BUFFY: So? She resumes walking. Spike follows, a few feet behind. SPIKE: We ... we kissed, you and me. All Gone With The Wind, with the rising music, and the rising ... music, and what was that, Buffy? BUFFY: A spell? SPIKE: Oh, don't get all prim and proper with me. Spike speeds up, walks in front of her. They stop walking. SPIKE: I know what kind of girl you really are. (Buffy glaring at him) Don't I. BUFFY: What we did is done. But I will never kiss you, Spike. Never touch you ever, *ever* again. Spike cocks his head, looks about to speak. Suddenly Buffy grabs him and pulls him to the ground. Spike lands on his back with Buffy on top of him. A stake goes flying through the air where Spike just was, ends up stuck in a tree. They both look up. We see a demon with the head of a shark, wearing a flamboyant suit. Behind him are two vampire minions. SHARK DEMON: Easy, boys. No need to get physical-like. The demon chuckles. Buffy gets up off of Spike, brushes herself off, annoyed. Spike gets up too. SHARK DEMON: Is there, Mister Spike? BUFFY: You know this guy?! SPIKE: Yeah. (to demon) Whadda you want? SHARK DEMON: (walks forward) You know me, uh ... there are a lot of things I would like, Mister Spike. (pulls the stake out of the tree) A house in Bel Air ... (walks toward Spike) with a generously sized swimming pool ... and of course, the forty Siamese that you owe me. The demon puts his arm around Spike's neck, pulls Spike close to him. SPIKE: Take it easy, you'll get your kittens. (Buffy rolls her eyes) SHARK DEMON: Oh, I trust you, Mister Spike. (lets him go) BUFFY: Oh god, what is it with you guys? Why kittens? Why can't you just use money like everybody else? SHARK DEMON: (to Spike) She's funny. I like funny in a girl. SPIKE: I just need a little more time. SHARK DEMON: Time, time, time! Is what turns kittens into cats! Look, I don't wanna see anyone get hurt. (turns away) Boys. The demon walks a few steps away. The vampires grin, walk forward. Buffy leaps up, grabs a tree branch, and kicks the first vampire with both feet. He lands at the demon's feet. The demon turns back. BUFFY: Then you'd better close your eyes. She pushes Spike aside and punches the second vampire a couple of times. He goes down. Buffy folds her arms across her chest. VAMP 1: I said she was the Slayer, boss. SHARK DEMON: Ahh, good for you. The vampire slayer. (to Buffy) Have you ever given any thought to, uh, freelance work? A little debt collecting, perhaps? Buffy continues to stand there with her arms crossed, giving the demon her no-nonsense look. BUFFY: No thank you. VAMP 1: Boss, he's gone. Spike has split. Buffy looks surprised, looks around. SHARK DEMON: Well, that's what I get for socializing. All right, come on, boys, we'll locate Mister Spike and, uh, *talk* to him a little more. The demon adjusts his tie, turns to go, then turns back to Buffy. SHARK DEMON: Oh. It was a genuine pleasure. The demon and his minions leave. Buffy looks disgusted, sighs. BUFFY: (to herself) If I were to stop saving his life, it would simple things up *so* much. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Special Guest Star Anthony Stewart Head. Guest starring Raymond O'Connor and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, directed by David Grossman. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open on exterior shot of Xander's building, night. Cut to inside. Anya, Xander, Willow, and Tara sit around the table. ANYA: Do you think she ... walked around on clouds, wearing like ... Birkenstocks and played a harp? 'Cause those are just not flattering. You know, the clonky sandals, not a harp. (softly) I mean, who ... doesn't look good with a harp? The others just look at her. They all look grim. ANYA: What? I'm just saying what everyone's thinking, (to Xander) right baby? XANDER: You are attractive and have many good qualities. TARA: It's totally not stupid to wonder what it was like for Buffy. But it could have been any one of a zillion heavenly dimensions. All we know is that ... it was a good place and she was happy there. WILLOW: And we took her away from that. We wrecked it for her. XANDER: We didn't wreck. We didn't know. WILLOW: We didn't wanna know. (Tara looks sadly at her) We were so selfish. *I* was so selfish. XANDER: (shakes head) Maybe we were. I just feel weird feeling bad that my friend's not dead. It's ... too mind-boggling. So I've decided to simplify the whole thing. Me like Buffy. Buffy's alive, so, me glad. TARA: Not to be Miss Psycho Pep Squad, but we have *got* to stop obsessing about what we did and start trying to make things better for Buffy. ANYA: I'm with Miss Psycho Pep Squad. XANDER: Ah, we need to spend more time with her, just hang out. Maybe have ... weekly dinners over here, or, uh ... a book club. Short books. Videos. WILLOW: I can fix it. I know a spell. TARA: (angrily) No! No more spells. Xander looks from Tara to Willow, confused. WILLOW: (to Tara) Then what? This isn't something that's gonna be fixed by a video club. I know I messed up, okay, and ... I wanna fix it. TARA: I can't believe that we are talking about this again. You know how powerful magic is, how dangerous. You could hurt someone, you ... you could hurt yourself. WILLOW: (shaking head) I know a spell that will make her forget she was ever in heaven. TARA: (angrily) God, what is wrong with you?! XANDER: (getting up) I'm gonna go get that ... phone you probably don't hear. High-pitched ring, ears like a dog. ANYA: I'm gonna help you with that. Xander and Anya flee into the bedroom leaving Tara and Willow alone. TARA: Do you think I'm stupid? I know you used that spell on me. WILLOW: Tara, I'm sorry, I- TARA: Don't! Just ... don't. (shakes head) There's nothing you can say. WILLOW: Tara, I didn't mean to- TARA: To what? Violate my mind like that? How could you, Willow? How could you after what Glory did to me? WILLOW: Violate you? I ... I-I didn't ... mean anything like that, I-I, I just wanted us not to fight any more. I love you. TARA: If you don't wanna fight, you don't fight. You don't use magic to make a fight disappear. WILLOW: But I-I just wanted to make things better. Better for us. TARA: But you don't get to decide what is better for us, Will. We're in a relationship, we are supposed to decide together. WILLOW: Okay. I'm ... I realize I, I did it wrong. TARA: You did it the way you're doing everything. When things get rough, you ... you don't even consider the options. You just ... you just do a spell. It's not good for you, Willow. And it's not what magic is for. WILLOW: (anxious) But I ... I just wanna help people. TARA: Maybe that's how it started, but ... you're helping yourself now, fixing things to your liking. Including me. WILLOW: Tara, no! Tara looks away. Beat. TARA: (tearfully) I don't think this is gonna work. WILLOW: Hey. It is, i-it's working. (Tara just looks at her, looks down) Tara, please. I need you, baby. I need you. I don't need magic, I-I don't, I ... let me prove it to you, okay? I, I will go a month without doing any magic. I won't do a single spell. I swear. Tara looks at her, nods. TARA: Go a week. One week without magic. WILLOW: (excited) Fine. Fine, that's easy! TARA: (nods, not convinced) Go a week, and then we'll see. Willow's face falls. TARA: I don't know, I just ... think we both need some ... I don't know, space. (Willow looks upset) Oh, I can't believe I'm saying this. WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me? Cut to Giles sitting on the sofa in the workout room. GILES: I have to. Reveal Buffy standing beside him. She looks shocked. BUFFY: Uh-huh. She sits on a pile of exercise mats, frowning. GILES: You have to be strong. I'm, I'm trying to- BUFFY: (jumps up) Trying to, to what? (angrily) Desert me? Abandon me? Leave me all alone when I really need somebody? GILES: (quietly) I don't want to leave- BUFFY: So don't. Please don't. She goes to sit beside him. BUFFY: I can't do this without you. GILES: You can. That's why I'm going. As long as I stay you'll always turn to me if there's something comes up that you feel that you can't handle, and I'll step in because, because ... (pause, sighs) Because I can't bear to see you suffer. BUFFY: Me too. Hate suffering. Had about as much of it as I can take. GILES: Believe me, I'm loathe to cause you more, but this... Giles pauses. Buffy looks on the verge of tears. GILES: I've taught you all I can about being a slayer, and your mother taught you what you needed to know about life. (Buffy looks away, pouting) You ... you're not gonna trust that until you're forced to stand alone. BUFFY: But why now? Now that you know where I've been, what I'm going through? GILES: Now more than ever. The temptation to give up is gonna be overwhelming, and I can't let- BUFFY: So I won't! No giving up. You can be here, and I can still be strong. Beat. She stares at him anxiously. GILES: Buffy, I've thought this over ... and over. I believe it's the right thing to do. BUFFY: You're wrong. She gets up and strides out. Giles just sits there. Cut to: interior of the Summers house. Angle down the stairs from above. Tara and Dawn stand at the foot of the stairs. DAWN: (calls up the stairs) Willow, come on, you ready? Willow appears at the top of the stairs wearing a towel around her body and another towel on her hair. WILLOW: Not so much. You go ahead, tell Giles to hold up. I'll be there in a sec. TARA: (annoyed) Fine. (moves toward the door) DAWN: Hurry up. You don't wanna miss the lowdown on our latest featured creature. Willow watches Tara and Dawn leave. Then she goes back up the stairs, off camera. Magic sound-effect. Willow reappears, fully dressed and with her hair dried and combed, smiling. Willow walks down the stairs and into the living room. She opens a cabinet and takes out a plastic bag that was hidden behind some books. She kneels by the fireplace, takes a large piece of Lethe's Bramble (forget herb) from the bag and puts it in the fireplace. WILLOW: For Buffy and Tara, this I char. She strikes a match and sets the flowers on fire. WILLOW: Let Lethe's Bramble do its chore. Purge their minds of memories grim, of pains from recent slights and sins. She reaches into a small pouch on her belt, takes out a clear crystal and holds it in the flames. WILLOW: When the fire goes out, when the crystal turns black, the spell will be cast. (pulls the crystal back) Tabula rasa, tabula rasa, tabula rasa. She puts the crystal back in her belt-pouch, gets up and leaves. Cut to exterior shot of the magic shop. DAWN VOICEOVER: So whadda we got? Cut to inside. Giles, Anya, and Tara sit at the round table. Anya and Tara are thumb-wrestling. Buffy sits on the stairs leading to the loft. Dawn stands nearby. GILES: (to Dawn) Sorry? DAWN: What kind of oogly-boogleys? Lizardy types, or um, zombies, or, or vampires, or what? GILES: (cleaning glasses) There are no oogly-boogleys, Dawn. The door opens and Xander and Willow enter. Willow is wearing Xander's jacket. WILLOW: Thanks for the jacket. It's cold out there. XANDER: Not a problem, the cold only makes me stronger and more macho-like. They come over to join the others. Giles stands. GILES: I'm glad you're here, um... The others look expectantly at him. Buffy just glares. GILES: I have something I really have to tell you all. Um ... I know it feels like we've been through this before- BUFFY: Why don't you just jump to the chase? (gets down from stairs) Tell them that you're- The door opens again and Spike rushes in, sizzling slightly from the sunlight. Everyone turns to look. Spike is wearing an old-fashioned brown suit with a bow-tie, and a padded hat with earflaps. GILES: Spike? ANYA: Holy moly. SPIKE: You need to give me asylum. XANDER: I'll say. XANDER: No need to get cute. (takes off hat, throws it down) It's a disguise. Happens there's a bloke I'd rather not see just now. Spike walks farther into the store as the others watch in amusement. He hops up to sit on the counter beside the cash register. SPIKE: (to Buffy) You met him, I believe. Toothy bloke with the baby-seal breath? Buffy rolls her eyes. SPIKE: Nasty fellow, him. And ugly too. Willow looks down, pulls the crystal from her pouch to check it. It glows green. SPIKE: (OS) He's got a mouthful of choppers just waiting to be yanked out and worn as necklaces. Shot of the exterior of the Summers house. Fade to inside. Close shot on the fireplace. A spark from the fire lands on the bag of herbs that Willow left lying beside the fireplace. It all begins to burn with a green light. Cut back to the magic shop. GILES: Well, now that we've recovered from Spike's ... sartorial humor, (sighs) I'll jump (glancing at Buffy) to the chase. Um ... I'm headed back to England (Dawn looking surprised) and I plan to stay ... indefinitely. Giles sits beside Anya. Everyone looks surprised. XANDER: Now? Not now, I mean, not after ... everything. GILES: Yes, now. ANYA: For real this time? 'Cause honest to Pete, a young shopkeeper's heart can only take so much ... I mean, not that I want you to go- BUFFY: I can't do this. Buffy walks quickly past them, up the stairs, toward the door. BUFFY: I just, I don't think... WILLOW: Buffy, listen. Buffy stops, turns back. WILLOW: I know this must be awful for you, and I, I'm sorry, I ... I'm so sorry for... Buffy nods impatiently. BUFFY: Sorry. Everybody's sorry. I know that you guys are just trying to help ... but it's just, it's too much. And, and I, I can't take it any more. (tearful) If you guys ... if you guys understood how it felt ... how it feels. It's like I'm dying, it- Suddenly she falls to the floor, unconscious. The others all fall down too. Giles and Anya slump over together in their seats. Willow and Xander fall to the floor in a heap. Spike falls over onto some books on the counter. Cut to the living room. Zoom in on the smoking pile of ashes that used to be the entire bagful of Lethe's Bramble. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Open inside the magic shop. It's now night. Everyone is still asleep. Pan across Giles and Anya leaning on each other, Tara by herself in a chair, Dawn on the floor on the lower level. Spike on the counter, Willow and Xander on the floor together, and Buffy on the floor on the higher level. Buffy stirs, wakes, sits up. BUFFY: Huh? She stands up, frowning. Goes to a light switch and turns the light on. The others begin to stir. Willow sits up, sees that she was snuggled with Xander, gives a gasp and jumps back. Xander sees her and gasps too. They stare at each other. Xander gives her a cheesy seductive grin. XANDER: Hey. WILLOW: (uncertain) Hey? Anya wakes up, yawns. Giles's head is on her shoulder. He lifts his head, sees that he drooled on her, wipes at her shoulder with his hand. Anya looks very startled. Tara wakes up, looks around in confusion. Anya turns to see who's behind her. She and Giles frown at each other in confusion. GILES: Hello? Spike, still asleep, rolls over and falls off the counter with a crashing noise. Dawn wakes up shrieking at the noise. Spike gets to his feet behind the counter, looks around. Dawn sits up on the floor, scoots back into a corner looking around fearfully. Buffy comes forward. DAWN: Who, who are you people? Buffy kneels beside Dawn. Dawn cringes back BUFFY: Don't worry. DAWN: Please don't hurt me! (moves away from Buffy) BUFFY: Oh, it's okay. I don't know anyone here either. DAWN: (nervous) Yeah? Who are you? BUFFY: (confused) I, uh... XANDER: (scrambling to his feet) Okay, who are you freaks? Buffy, Dawn, and Willow stand too. WILLOW: You don't know me? XANDER: Not a clue. WILLOW: But you were just all like, (imitating him) 'oh, hey.' XANDER: Yeah, 'cause I thought you were a girl and I'd remember, but... WILLOW: (grabs her breasts) Well, I am a girl! I'm ... not sure ... who I am exactly, but... XANDER: (yelling) Okay, why was I on the ground? And why are you all staring at me? Is this some kind of psych test? Am I getting paid for this? GILES: (gets up) It's not just you. Does anyone remember anything? Everyone shakes their heads. SPIKE: Nope. GILES: (smiling) Well, maybe we all got ... terribly drunk and this is some sort of, uh, blackout. DAWN: (uncertain) I don't think I drink. ANYA: I-I don't see any booze. I don't feel any head bumps. (looks around) I don't see Allen Funt. GILES: Who? XANDER: (panicky) Okay. I'm not panicking. I'm not. I'm not. (everyone looking at him) Stop looking at me like I'm panicking! BUFFY: Hey, hey, take it easy, guy. Okay, no one's hurt, right? And, and none of us look all hatchety-murdery, so ... we're probably safe. Here. Wherever here is. WILLOW: (looks around) Look at this stuff on these shelves. Weird jars of weird stuff. She goes over to the counter, looks at the jars behind Spike. WILLOW: Weird books with weird covers, like (picks up a book from the counter) Magic for Beginners. (revelation) Oh! TARA: (gets up) This is a magic shop. A-a-a real magic shop. BUFFY: Well, maybe that's it. Maybe something magic happened- GILES: (scoffs) Magic! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery. I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing. (everyone looking at him) Except I seem to be British, don't I? Uh, and a man. With ... glasses. (removes glasses) Well, that narrows it down considerably. DAWN: (tearfully to Buffy) I don't like this. BUFFY: It's okay, don't worry. We'll take care of each other. Buffy brushes hair back from Dawn's face. Dawn smiles a little. GILES: We'll all get our memory back, and it'll all be right as rain. SPIKE: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. (everyone looking at him) You Englishmen are always so... (pauses) Bloody hell! (ticks off on his fingers) Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks, oh God! I'm English! GILES: (puts glasses on) Welcome to the nancy tribe. SPIKE: You don't suppose you and I ... we're not related, are we? ANYA: There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance. Giles smiles at Anya with pleasure. GILES: (to Spike) And you do inspire a, um ... (Spike walking out from behind the counter) particular feeling of ... familiarity and ... disappointment. Spike walks up to Giles, scowling. They look at each other. GILES: Older brother? SPIKE: (scoffs) Father. (Giles looks outraged) Oh, god, how I must hate you. GILES: What did I do? SPIKE: There's always something, and what's with the trollop? (indicates Anya) ANYA: Hey! GILES: Her? SPIKE: I saw you! Sleeping together. GILES: Resting together. ANYA: Look! (holds up her hand with the engagement ring) It's okay. We're engaged. GILES: (smiling) Oh. ANYA: It's a lovely ring. SPIKE: Oh, great, a tarty stepmom who's half old Daddy's age. ANYA: Tarty? GILES: Old? You little twerp, I'm young enough to still get carded. WILLOW: Carded! Driver's licenses! Everyone reaches into their pockets and bags to dig out I.D. XANDER: (looks at his wallet) It's me! 'Alexander Harris.' Cute picture. (holds it up to them) Hey, I exist. WILLOW: I'm Willow Rosenberg. (looks at Xander) Heh, Willow. Funny name. TARA: I think it's pretty. WILLOW: (smiles at Tara) Whadda you got? TARA: (holds up her I.D.) Tara, and look, I'm a student at U.C. Sunnydale. WILLOW: Me too! Hey, maybe we're study buddies. (Tara smiles) DAWN: (to Buffy) I don't have a wallet. BUFFY: Don't worry. Me neither. But here, look. Buffy reaches to Dawn's neck. We see that Dawn is wearing a necklace with her name on it. Buffy holds it in her fingers. BUFFY: You're Dawn. DAWN: (smiles) Or, Umad. GILES: I'm, uh, called Rupert Giles. ANYA: (smiling fondly) Rupert. SPIKE: Rupert! (giggles) GILES: You're not too old to put across my knee, you know ... sonny. (Spike still laughing) Anyway, what did I call you? SPIKE: Um... Spike examines his clothing, finds a label on the inside of his suit jacket. SPIKE: 'Made with care for Randy.' (looks at Giles angrily) Randy Giles? Why not just call me 'Horny Giles,' or 'Desperate for a Shag Giles'? I knew there was a reason I hated you! GILES: Randy's ... a family name, undoubtedly. Anya fingers something around her neck, goes behind the counter. WILLOW: Oh, hey, I have a name on my jacket. (takes off jacket to look) Harris. XANDER: Harris? That's my last name. Maybe I have a brother and you go out with him. (Willow looking uncertain) Or maybe you go out with me. WILLOW: Well, we did wake up all snuggly-wuggly. (walks closer to him) Maybe you're my boyfriend. XANDER: Either that, or I got one pissed-off brother out there somewhere. (both smile) ANYA: I'm Anya! Everyone looks over at Anya by the cash register. [Note: Anya pronounces her name wrong.] ANYA: Um, this key fits this lock. And, uh, the forms ... next to the cash register say that, uh, Rupert and, and Anya own the shop together. GILES: This is *our* magic shop? (goes over to Anya) Uh, well, that's very, uh, uh, progressive of me. DAWN: (to Buffy) So you don't have a name? BUFFY: Of course I do. I just don't happen to know it. DAWN: (smiling) You want me to name you? BUFFY: Oh, that's sweet, but I think I can name myself. (thinks) I'll name me ... Joan. [transcriber's note: great choice!] DAWN: (makes a face) Ugh! BUFFY: What? Did you just 'ugh' my name? DAWN: No! I just ... I mean, it's so blah. Joan? BUFFY: I like it. I feel like a Joan. DAWN: (chuckles) Fine, that's your purgative. BUFFY: Prerogative. DAWN: Whatever, Joan. BUFFY: Whatever, Umad. DAWN/BUFFY: (unison) Boy, you're a pain in the/Boy, you're bossy! They look at each other in surprise. DAWN: Do you think we're- BUFFY: Sisters? They smile and hug each other. SPIKE: (to Giles) You never showed me affection like that! Giles looks confused. SPIKE: ...I'd wager. BUFFY: Well, we need to figure out what's going on. We need to get help. SPIKE: Looks like Joan fancies herself the boss. BUFFY: We have a kid here- DAWN: A teenager. BUFFY: A teenager. And we have no idea what's wrong with us. I think a hospital's our best bet. Anya is fiddling with Giles's clothing. GILES: Uh, yes, let's, um, let's head out. They all start walking toward the door. Xander offers Willow his arm, and after a moment she takes it. BUFFY: Any suggestions on how we're gonna get there? SPIKE: Dad can drive. He's bound to have some classic midlife-crisis transport. (puts arm around Giles's shoulder) Something red, shiny, shaped like a pen1s. They all get to the front door. Buffy opens it. The shark demon's two vampire minions stand there, snarling. Everyone screams. Buffy closes the door and they all huddle on the floor under the window. BUFFY: Did you guys see that? SPIKE: Vampires! TARA: Maybe it's Halloween. DAWN: It doesn't feel like Halloween. XANDER: Even if it is, those guys are definitely not kids, and those are definitely not costumes. Randy's right. Looks like we have vampires. Sound of banging on the door. VAMP: (O.S.) Slayer! XANDER: They're definitely not knocking for candy. WILLOW: Okay, doors, we need to check to see if there's other doors, a-and make sure they're locked and put large objects in front of them. Come on. Willow and Xander go off toward the back. BUFFY: Monsters are real. Did we know this? TARA: I don't know, but we n-need our memories back. We have to get to a hospital. (Buffy nodding) GILES: As, uh, proprietor of a magic shop, I propose we fight them. (Buffy shaking her head) We can use things here in the shop, you know, magic ... tricks or whatever. The vamps continue banging. We see one of them at the window. VAMP 2: Send out Spike! GILES: They seem to want spikes. SPIKE: Oh! Spike goes off, comes back with a handful of stakes. SPIKE: Let's give 'em these. GILES: Well done. They all pick up stakes and examine them. DAWN: But wait, what are they going to do with them? VAMP: (O.S.) Slayer, come out and play! TARA: 'Slay her,' that's just what they said before. (horrified) Th-th-they're gonna use the spikes to- BUFFY: To slay someone? A female someone! (Giles looking horrified) Who do those jerks think they are? ANYA: Bloodsuckers. They kill by sucking blood. Take it easy, Joan. WILLOW: (O.S.) You guys! Willow and Xander return. XANDER: Trap door in the basement, it seems to lead to the sewer. ANYA: Let's go! They all get up, huddled in a mass together, and start rushing toward the back. The vampires peer in the windows. Suddenly the front window busts in and one of the vampires appears. All the Scoobies scream and run for the back. The back door bursts open revealing the other vampire. They all scream more and back away. Xander drops to his knees, clasps his hands and looks upward. XANDER: Now I'm not sure what I am so bear with me here. (in background we see one vamp grabbing Buffy, who shrieks) Now I lay me down to sleep, uh, shabat Israel, uh, om, om. The second vamp goes past Xander and grabs Spike, slams him up against a bookcase. Spike looks scared. VAMP 3: You owe us! SPIKE: Fine! Take your damn spikes! Spike pulls the stakes from his jacket and tosses them at the vamp. They clatter to the floor. Spike tries to go past but the vampire stops him. VAMP 3: Don't be stupid. BUFFY: Get your hands off me, you son of a- We see Buffy struggling with the other vamp. He puts his hand over her mouth. VAMP 3: I said you owe us. SPIKE: Who, me? VAMP 3: You've got the boss's kittens. SPIKE: Kittens?! Buffy breaks free, knees the other vamp in the groin and punches him. The other Scoobies watch in amazement. The first vamp pushes Spike back against the wall again. Buffy runs over and pulls him away. BUFFY: Hey! Stay away from Randy! She stakes the vampire and he dusts. The Scoobies and Buffy watch in complete wide-eyed amazement. DAWN: Whoa! WILLOW: What did you just do? BUFFY: Uh ... I... The other vamp slides past and makes for the door as Buffy turns to face the Scoobies, holding the stake, still looking amazed. BUFFY: I don't know. (slow smile) But it was COOL! The others slowly begin to smile too. VAMP 1: The boss ain't gonna like this! I'll be back. And I won't be alone! The vamp flees out the front door. Spike shuts and locks it behind him, then drops the metal security grate down over the broken window. BUFFY: (to others) I think I know why Joan's the boss. I'm like a superhero or something! The others stare at her. Xander slumps to the floor in a faint. Cut to outside. The shark demon paces as the minion vampire talks to him. In background we see other vampires trying to look in the window of the magic shop. VAMP 1: The boys want to taste blood, boss. They wanna break down the door. SHARK DEMON: The boys are barbarians. There's no need to do that. The humans will turn on him soon enough. Cut to inside. Buffy peers out at the demon and vampire activity. SHARK DEMON: (O.S.) And if they don't, we'll burn the place to the ground. Buffy turns away from the window to face the others. BUFFY: Okay. I've got a plan. XANDER: I'm all ears. BUFFY: They seem to want Randy. And I seem to be pretty strong. Wicked strong. So, you guys go through the sewers to get to the hospital, and Randy and I'll give the monsters a run for their money. SPIKE: That's your plan? BUFFY: Yes. SPIKE: Right. ANYA: I'm not leaving the shop. I have to protect the cash register, and ... do some spells. GILES: Oh. Well, magic might help, yes, it's worth a shot. BUFFY: All right. You work on that then. We need to go. Ready, Randy? SPIKE: Ready, Joan. Spike steps forward. GILES: Um, son. (Spike stops) Come here. Um, please. SPIKE: Um... GILES: Yes, um... Spike goes over to Giles and they hug awkwardly, then Spike pushes Giles away. SPIKE: Right. GILES: Good, then. Spike and Buffy go out the front. Willow, Xander, Tara, and Dawn go toward the back. Giles and Anya stay where they are. Cut to outside. A couple of vamps stand by the front door talking. Buffy and Spike emerge. Buffy shoves the vamps aside, and she and Spike begin to run. The vamps pursue them. One vamp grabs Spike by the shoulder and turns him around. Spike morphs into vamp face and hits the other one, sending him flying. Buffy stops running, looks back. BUFFY: Randy! SPIKE: (turns to her) Hey, I'm a superhero too! Buffy sees his vamp face, looks horrified. She turns and runs off with a scream. SPIKE: Joan, where're you going? Spike turns around and a vamp hits him in the face. He goes down. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the same scene. Spike gets up and confronts another vamp. Spike blocks a kick and a punch, punches the vamp. We see several more vamps surrounding Spike. He hits one, takes a kick in the stomach, kicks back, punches another vamp, kicks another, grabs a third and throws him into a fourth. All the vamps go down. SPIKE: (calls) Hey! Joan! Wait up! He runs off. Cut to the sewer. Xander and Tara stand at the bottom helping Dawn climb down the ladder. XANDER: Almost there, come on. There we go. Dawn reaches the bottom with their assistance. DAWN: Thanks. Xander and Tara help Willow climb down next. She reaches the bottom with her hands on Tara's shoulders. They look at each other for a moment, then separate. They all begin walking slowly through the sewer. DAWN: (sings) The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah. The ants go marching one by- Dawn cuts off with a gasp as a vampire appears in front of them. They all scream, turn and run back the way they came. The vampire pursues them. Cut to the magic shop. Giles blows dust off a book while Anya is in background looking at another book. Giles gets dust on his hands, digs in his pockets looking for something to wipe them with. ANYA: This must be nice for us. GILES: Sorry? ANYA: I mean ... I know there's... Giles finds something in his jacket pocket, pulls it out. Close shot of Giles' plane ticket on "Global Airlines" going from Sunnydale to Los Angeles and thence to London Heathrow. ANYA: (OS) ...the vampire problem, and our memory loss, and all that, but still... Giles stares at the plane ticket, confused. ANYA: ...to spend this time together alone? Must be nice. GILES: (puts ticket back in his pocket) Uh, yes, yes, um, I'm sure that's right. Um, which, uh, which book shall we start with? Anya takes a book from the shelf, brings it over to him. ANYA: (smiling) This is the book for us. GILES: (takes book) Oh, good. Does it focus on mind control, or-or memory loss? ANYA: Not exactly, I just, um ... my intuition tells me this is the book. (Giles stares at her) And I figure being a magic shop owner and a natural at the supernatural, I should trust my intuition. GILES: Y-yes, fine, but as you recall, (caressing her face) I too am a magic shop owner. ANYA: True, but my intuition says that you're not so much the magic guy and more of a paperwork type. (Giles frowns) Okay, here we go. Anya sets the book on the table and opens it to a random page. GILES: But you don't even know- ANYA: (reads from book) Bara bara himble gemination. A bunny suddenly appears on the table in front of Anya. She screams and grabs Giles. Cut to Spike running down the street, still in game face. SPIKE: Wait up! He runs up to Buffy, grabs her arm. She turns, grabs his arm with her other hand, flips him over onto the ground. She kneels, straddling him and holding him down. SPIKE: Bloody hell, what are you doing? BUFFY: (staring at him, realizing) You don't know who you are. SPIKE: Right, none of us do, and we're being chased by- BUFFY: You're a vampire! SPIKE: (shocked) How can you say - I, me, a vampire? No. BUFFY: Check the lumpies. And the teeth. Spike puts his hand up to his face, feels his forehead and teeth. Buffy sits up but remains straddling him. He lifts his head to look at her. BUFFY: I kill your kind. SPIKE: And I bite yours. (drops his hand from his face) So how come I don't wanna bite you? (Buffy frowns in confusion) And why am I fightin' other vampires? Spike gets a look of revelation on his face, lifts himself up onto his elbows. SPIKE: I must be a noble vampire. (Buffy looks dubious) A good guy. On a mission of redemption. I help the hopeless. (chuckles) I'm a vampire with a soul. BUFFY: (frowning) A vampire with a soul? (beat) Oh my god, how lame is that? Cut to the magic shop. Close on Giles. GILES: Perhaps we should try another book. ANYA: (O.S.) No! Reveal Anya standing on a chair holding the book close to her face. We see that there are bunnies everywhere: on the floor, the counter, the bookshelves. ANYA: This book made the little fluffers, and this book's gonna send 'em back. I've got it this time, okay. (reads) 'Himble abri, abri voyon.' Another bunny appears by Giles's feet. GILES: Yes, dear. Anya looks alarmed. Cut back to the street. Spike paces back and forth while Buffy stands rolling her eyes. SPIKE: I'm a hero really. I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot in life and then to rise above it. To seek out better, nobler things. It's inspirational, isn't it? And the two of us... (gestures from Buffy to himself) natural enemies, thrown together to stand against the forces of darkness. Utter trust. No thought of me biting you, no thought of you staking me. BUFFY: Depends on how long you keep on yapping. Sound of growling. They both turn to see four vampires striding toward them. Spike and Buffy move closer to each other, watching with alarm. Cut to the sewers. The four Scoobies running. Tara is in the lead. She looks to her left, sees a space behind some pillars, runs over to hide there. The others follow. The vampire runs past, not seeing them. Tara peeks out. TARA: Come on. This way. Up the ladder. They run to a ladder, climb up to an elevated tunnel leading to a large pipe. A metal grate blocks the entrance. They move it aside, climb through. Xander closes the grate behind him while the others huddle around the corner in the pipe. XANDER: (whispers) He's coming! They all huddle quietly as the vampire goes past again, growling. Willow and Tara are huddled together with their faces close to each other. They look at each other, look away awkwardly, but continue sneaking looks at each other. Cut to the magic shop. Giles is sitting on a chair. GILES: Clearly that is not a helpful book, *darling.* We see that the shop is even more full of bunnies, and also a green cloud that hovers in the air by the ceiling. Anya stands on the round table with her head almost in the green cloud. The bunnies crawl around sniffing the floor. GILES: Come down, and we will go about fixing this in a sensible fashion! ANYA: Sensible! You think it's sensible for me to go down into that pit of cotton-top hell, and let them hippity-hop all over my vulnerable flesh? GILES: Fine, then just stay up there and keep making bunnies! That's a capital plan! ANYA: What capital? I never know what you're talking about. Loo, shag, brolly, what the hell is all that? GILES: What? There's no way that you could remember me saying any of those words. ANYA: Oh, bugger off, you brolly. Cut to the street. Spike and Buffy are fighting the other vamps. Buffy fights two at once, kicks one away, takes a kick in the face from the other. She kicks the other one back. BUFFY: Note to self: learn to duck. She moves forward. One of the vamps has Spike by the arms and is holding him in place while another vamp hits him. Then the second vamp kicks Spike and he breaks free, goes down, gets up and hits the first vamp. We see the shark-headed demon watching. Spike ducks a punch, kicks, then head-butts another vamp, removes a scarf from around his own neck and uses it like a whip on the fallen vamp. Buffy kicks over a mailbox, picks up its wooden post and uses it to stake a vamp as he runs at her. She turns and thrusts it at another vamp, who knocks it out of her hands. Buffy blocks a couple of punches, punches him a couple of times, kicks him, but he grabs her foot, hits her, then flips her over backward. She lands on her feet, ducks a kick and kicks the vamp away. Spike holds one vamp by the arm while punching another, then shoves them into each other. Cut to the magic shop. Giles is sword-fighting with an animated skeleton. GILES: (yells) Get a different book! (grunts) Put that book down, do you hear? Not ... that... (ducks a sword thrust) book! Cut to the sewers. The others are still sitting in their hiding place. Xander and Tara are peering out at the sewer tunnel. Willow sits opposite Dawn. WILLOW: How you doin', Dawn? DAWN: Uh, I'm okay. It's scary ... but, weirdly? Kind of familiar. WILLOW: (frowns) I know what you mean. DAWN: How are you? WILLOW: A little confused. I mean, I'm ... all sweaty ... and trapped, no memory, hiding in a pipe from a vampire... She pauses, looks over at the others, then back at Dawn, still frowning. WILLOW: And I think I'm kinda gay. Dawn looks surprised. Cut to the magic shop. Shot of the counter with the cash register on it. Giles's head peeking over the counter from behind. He looks around cautiously. Growling noises from the main area of the shop (which we don't see). Giles starts, pulls his head back down. We see Anya huddling behind the counter beside him. GILES: (whispers) Look what you've done, you lunatic woman! (looking through a pile of books in his lap) ANYA: (whispers) Don't blame me, you snobby, snotty, thinks he's so great kind of jerk ... and I feel compelled to take some vengeance on you. She hits him over the head with her book. GILES: (still whispering) Ow! God, no wonder I'm leaving you! ANYA: What?! GILES: Look! (pulls out the plane ticket) One-way ticket to London, and out of this engagement! ANYA: (upset) Of all the nerve! Anya pulls off her engagement ring and throws it at Giles. It bounces onto the floor and rolls out in front of the counter, with a tinkly metal noise. The growling noises continue. ANYA: Now look at what you've done! That thing is gonna eat my ring. Giles looks embarrassed, continues looking through his book. Cut back to the sewer. Xander peeks out through the grate as the vampire begins to climb toward it. VAMP 1: I smell fear ... and it smells good. Xander, Tara, Willow, and Dawn begin fleeing through the pipe. The vampire goes to the closed grate, peers in to the pipe, retreats back into the sewer. Xander emerges into the sewer from another hole in the pipe. He peeks around a corner and the vampire punches him. Xander grabs the vamp, who pushes him away. Xander punches the vamp a couple of times, then the vamp blocks a punch and throws Xander to the ground. Cut back to the magic shop. Giles and Anya still huddled behind the counter. Giles reads from the book. GILES: (whispers) Fatas ... venga ... mata ... waray! Blue light flashes through the store, and the growling noises stop. Giles and Anya look up, then get up to peek out at the store. They both stand up. The bunnies and monster and green cloud are all gone. GILES: Oh ... that's better. Anya rushes out from behind the counter, picks up her ring. ANYA: Oh, thank goodness. (puts it back on) GILES: (comes out from behind counter) I'm so sorry, dear. ANYA: No. Rupy, I'm sorry. You were right. That was the wrong book. GILES: Oh ... um ... (stutters, removes his glasses) Yes, it was. But I'm, I'm still sorry. ANYA: Don't leave me. GILES: Oh, Anya. He walks over to her and kisses her, bending her over backward. Cut to the sewer. Tara, Willow, and Dawn look out of the pipe. Tara and Willow jump down to the ground, look around. The vampire appears and growls at them. Willow gasps, grabs Tara and they fall to the ground, Willow on top of Tara. The crystal falls out of Willow's pouch and onto the ground. XANDER: (O.S.) Hey! Over here, big guy! Willow and Tara gaze into each other's eyes. Dawn ducks back into the pipe as the vampire turns toward Xander. XANDER: (O.S.) Check out this throbbing jugular! The vampire goes over to Xander and tries to grab him. Xander punches him. Dawn hops down from the pipe, looks over and sees the vampire punching Xander in the stomach. Dawn bends down, picks up a piece of wood from the ground. The vampire punches Xander again in the stomach and then the face. He throws Xander over a piece of pipe. Xander lands on his back on the ground. DAWN: Alex! Dawn throws the piece of wood to Xander, who catches it and uses it to stake the vamp as he attacks. Xander and Dawn stare as the vamp turns to dust. Willow and Tara remain lying on the ground together, their faces inches apart. Tara reaches up and brushes hair away from Willow's face. They smile slightly. Willow bends down as if to kiss Tara. Xander gets up, groaning. He walks forward. Close shot of Xander's foot coming down on the crystal. It gives off a green light as it smashes. Xander looks down at it, looks dizzy for a moment. Willow and Tara pause before actually kissing. Willow gets off of Tara and they both sit up. Tara gives Willow an angry look. Willow looks over at the crystal. Shot of the broken pieces of crystal lying on the ground. Cut back to the magic shop. Giles and Anya still kissing. Suddenly they stop and their eyes widen. Cut back to the street. Buffy and Spike still fighting vampires. Spike holds a vamp by the arms as Buffy kicks him, then punches him and he falls to the ground. BUFFY: Don't mess with Joan the v- Buffy suddenly pauses, stands still with a small frown as her memories return. A hand appears and punches her in the face. She goes down. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the same scene. Buffy lies on the ground panting. A vampire stands over her. He kicks her in the stomach, twice. She gasps in pain. SPIKE: Buffy! Buff- Another vampire attacks Spike. Spike punches him. Cut to the sewer. Tara stands up, still giving Willow a look of disgust. Willow stays sitting, looking up at her. Slowly Willow looks down, feels her belt pouch and finds it empty. Dawn goes to stand by Xander, both watching Willow. They look down at the broken pieces of crystal. All stare at Willow. Suddenly Xander gives a little laugh. Everyone looks at him. XANDER: Sorry, I just got back the memory of seeing King Ralph. Willow continues looking shocked and Tara looking angry. XANDER: We should get back. Xander and Dawn start walking. Tara looks down at Willow. Willow stands up and looks at her. Tara looks away, doesn't meet her eyes. Willow looks sad, starts to follow Xander and Dawn. Tara begins to cry, turns and follows them as well. Cut to the magic shop. Shot of Giles holding a broom, sweeping. GILES: Well, this place certainly needs a good tidying. Pan across to Anya vigorously scrubbing the round table. ANYA: Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Wide shot of the two of them cleaning. A large bookcase separates them from each other. Cut back to the street. Buffy lies on the grass holding her stomach and groaning. Fight noises continue. Spike slams two vampires together. They both go down. SPIKE: From dust... He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a stake, thrusts downward at one vamp. SPIKE: ...to dust. He stakes the second vamp. The shark-headed demon walks up behind him. SHARK DEMON: You're an odd duck, Mister Spike. Fighting your own kind ... palling around with a Slayer. (Spike turns to face him) And whoa, that suit! Chutzpah must be your middle name. (chuckles weakly) Uh, hey, look, um ... about our little debt problem, it's okay, I don't need the kittens. Spike grabs the demon by the front of his suit, pulls him close. SPIKE: You'll get paid. I'm no welsher. SHARK DEMON: Right, sure. (Spike lets him go) You're good for it, I know that. I'm just going to, uh ... yeah. He clears his throat, walks away quickly. Spike turns, sighs, walks over to Buffy. Buffy still lies there holding her stomach, panting. Spike's hand comes into shot, reaching out to her. She looks at it. SPIKE: You all right? Buffy gives him an angry look, gets to her feet without taking his hand. She scowls at him, walks past him and away. Spike watches her go, sighs. Cut to the Bronze. Michelle Branch is onstage singing her song "Goodbye To You". Of all the things I believed in I just wanna get it over with Tears warm behind my eyes, but I do not cry Counting the days that pass me by Buffy sits at the bar, staring vacantly in front of her. I've been searchin' deep down in my soul Words that I'm hearin' are starting to get old Buffy looks on the verge of tears again. Cut back to the band onstage. Feels like I'm starting all over again The last three years were just pretend And I said... Cut to the Summers house. Tara takes a pile of clothing from the cabinet, turns, looks around. Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything That I knew Tara walks over to the bed, puts the clothes in a cardboard box sitting there. She glances toward the door, starts to cry. Cut to a long shot of Willow sitting on the floor in Buffy's room with her knees pulled up to her chest. You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to Cut to a closer shot of Willow, then even closer. She stares ahead sadly. Cut back to Tara folding and packing her clothes. Guitar music continues. Cut back to the Bronze. Close shot on the singer as she starts the second verse. I used to get lost in your eyes And it seems that I can't live a day without you Fade to Giles sitting on the plane surrounded by other passengers. He stares off in front of him. Closin' my eyes, you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light But it's not right Goodbye to you Cut back to Willow still sitting, crying. Goodbye to everything That I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried... Cut back to Buffy in the Bronze. ...to hold on to Spike walks up beside Buffy. She looks over at him. He looks at her questioningly. Buffy turns her face away from Spike, breathes deeply as if trying to hold back tears. Spike looks frustrated, walks away. Fade back to the band onstage. And it hurts to want Everything and nothing at the same time I want what's yours and I Want what's mine The song pauses for a moment, then resumes. I want you But I'm not giving in this time Goodbye to you Cut to the Summers house. Tara walking down the stairs holding a box. The front door of the house is open. She walks out onto the porch. Goodbye to everything that I knew Dawn is on the porch leaning against a post. Tara puts her box on top of another, reaches out to Dawn. But before she can touch her, Dawn turns and runs back inside. You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to Tara watches Dawn go, looks sad. Cut to Willow still sitting and crying. The one thing that I tried to hold on to Cut to Giles on the plane. Cut to the Bronze. Pan across various couples walking around, holding hands, talking, etc. Goodbye to you Pan around the stairs and we discover Spike and Buffy standing underneath the stairs kissing. Goodbye to everything that I knew Buffy pulls back for a moment, then resumes kissing Spike. You were the one I loved... Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

Willow and Tara argue over an amnesia spell, and Tara insists that Willow is dependent on magic. Willow promises to go a week without using magic but breaches the promise, causing the gang to forget who they are. Buffy and Spike kiss again. Giles goes back to London. Tara and Willow break up.

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Pers cutions (1x05 : Trial By Fire) Written by ROBERT HEWITT WOLFE Directed by NICK GOMEZ **Previously on 'The 4400'** Flashbacks to previous episode. **Present** Dr Mayhew: The results are inconclusive but we must be missing something. People don't regain consciousness after a three year coma for no reason. Linda: Honestly, we don't care why this happened. Right, Tom? We're just glad to have Kyle back. Tom: You've been poking and prodding him for a week. When can we take him home? Dr Mayhew: I don't see why you can't do it now. Linda: That's wonderful. Dr Mayhew: But there is something else.Patients like Kyle often have difficulty adjusting to their awakenings. They do best in environments similar to those they were in before their comas. In every detail. Places, the people... Kyle arrives home. Tom helps him into the house. Tom: All right, come on. Kyle: Why are we here? Linda: We thought you'd be happier at home. Kyle: Then, why take me here? Tom: Kyle, this is your home. Linda: And this is your room, Kyle. It's just the way you left it. Kyle: OK. Kyle stumbles. Tom: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I got you. I got you. He grabs some books and looks through them. Kyle: This isn't my room. And this isn't my house. Tom: Kyle. Linda: Kyle. He's frantically searching through the bookshelves. Tom: What are looking for, buddy? What are you looking for? We can help. Linda: Kyle, Kyle, talk to us. What is he doing? Tom: Whatever it is, I say we just let him work it out. Linda: But he hasn't recognised his room. Tom: Linda, the doctor told us he'd be disoriented. Linda: I'm glad you're moving back in. Tom: I'll try to stay out of your way as much as I can. Jordan Collier appears on the Barbara Yates show. Yates: Come on, Jordan, aren't you overreacting? Collier: No, I'm not at all. Publishing the names and addresses of the 4400 is a crime, Barbara. It's a violation of the privacy of over 4,000 people, and whoever did it should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Yates: So, warning people they may be living next to a public menace is a crime... The tv is in on Shawns house and he switches it off. The doorbell rings. Shawn: We don't want any! Tom: Shawn, it's your uncle. Let me in. He opens the door. Shawn: Uncle Tommy. Tom: Hey, Shawn. Shawn: Come to take the tour? Tom: Quite a procession out there. Shawn: Yep. They started driving by the house the day my name showed up on the Net. They haven't stopped since. Yay for us! Tom: Well, I know this is hard for you, Shawn. I just stopped by to say thank you. We took Kyle home yesterday and...I'm grateful. Shawn: He's doing good, right? Tom: Yeah. He's got a lot of work to do but......he's awake. Shawn: Aunt Linda, does she know? About what I did, I mean? Tom: No, I figured you wouldn't want that. Shawn: Truth is, Uncle Tommy... I don't know what happened. I put my hands on him. That's it. He woke up. He woke up and I don't know why. Tom: You see, Shawn. This thing that you can do. Whatever it is, we need to learn more. Shawn: Well how? How? I could go into quarantine again. They could study me some more. No! I'm done with all that. With the hypnosis and the dream journals and the counselling. Tom: I hear you. But I can be an ally. Maybe I can help you. Shawn: I don't think so, Uncle Tommy. Richard and Lily walk back home after seeing a movie. Richard: That was some movie. Biggest screen I ever saw. And the sound and all those, er... Lily: Special effects. Richard: Yes. Lily: So, did you like it? Richard: Not really. But it sure did look good. They get back to their apartment, and as Richard unlocks the door, Lily's baby becomes unhappy and Lily doubles over. Richard opens the door a tiny bit and realises that it's booby trapped. Lily: Something's wrong. Richard: Down. He pushes her to the ground and a bomb explodes. Diana and Tom take a look around the apartment. Diana: The genie is definitely out of the bottle. Tom: Three different bombings in one day. Diana: Each targeting the 4400s whose addresses were made public. Tom: Wait a second. Diana: It's a pipe bomb, tripwire trigger. Tom: It's about as basic as you can get. Diana: Amateur. Tom: Diana, I just found part of the casing. Diana: Mm-hm. It's beautiful. Tom: Shawn's name is on that list. I had my sister upgrade her security system, but... Diana: Yeah, I'm worried about Maia, too. Tom: Did you ever think about putting her back into quarantine? Diana: Yeah, l've thought about it.I've even talked it over with her. She started crying. She wants to stay with me, Tom. Tom: I'm glad it's working out. Diana: Who would have thought? How's Kyle adjusting to being back home? Tom: Still weak, his memory's a mess but he's out of that damn hospital. Diana: What does his doctor think? Tom: He's stunned, just like us. lt's a miracle. I don't have any other way of putting it. Diana: What about Shawn? Tom: What about him? Diana: Where was he when Kyle woke up? Tom: I have no idea. Back at Homeland Security. Tom: All three bombs so far were identical in design and composition. Pipe casings, tripwire triggers. Diana: I did a chemical analysis of the explosive. It's homemade plastique, basically boiled down from bleach. You can get the recipe's on the internet. Tom: Just like the list of victims. I'd like to get my hands on whoever leaked those names. Ryland: Come on, Tom. Who do you think leaked them? Tom: Barbara Yates. Ryland: You're goddamn right. lt's just her style. Cheap, inflammatory and dangerously irresponsible. I'll handle Yates. Meanwhile I want you two back-trace hits on every website that published these bomb recipes. Tom: We'll have the results soon. Ryland: So will I. Collier, Lily and Richard take a walk and look at some houses he has bought. Lily: You own this entire complex? Collier: C80 homes. Once we have this place off the ground, I'm planning developments in Chicago and Los Angeles. I intend to provide a safe haven for any 4400 in this country who needs one. We're opening sooner than I planned but the bombings make that necessary. Richard: You do think big, don't you? Collier: I'm a business man. I've been given a second chance to do something with my life, besides make money. Cos right now, that's just not enough. Or maybe l'm having a mid-life crisis. They stop outside one of the houses. Collier: 93 Tomberra Lane, what do you think? Lily: Oh, they're beautiful. They're all beautiful. Collier: Well, it's yours. You'll be our first official residents. Richard: Oh, we can't afford a house right now. Collier: Consider it a gift for the two of you and your new baby. Shawn leaves a store and finds Nikki waiting outside. Nikki: It's a small world. You did it, didn't you? Shawn: Kyle waking up? Nikki: That was you. You fixed him, just like you fixed my hand. Have you told Danny? Shawn: No, and I don't want you to. Nikki: But maybe if he knew what you did, he'd stop thinking of you as... Shawn: A monster. Nikki: I've been doing some thinking. This thing between Danny and me. Maybe it was a mistake. Shawn: I don't want to hear this. Nikki: It's not your fault. I mean that. Danny's sweet. I like him, but......that's all. Shawn: He more than likes you. Nikki: I know. Ryland get's a visit from a Homeland Security agent based in Washington. Lyttel: Dennis Ryland? Ryland: Yeah. Lyttel: I'm Warren Lyttel. I believe HomeSec in D.C. mentioned I was coming. Ryland: Oh yeah, they warned me. Lyttel: Well, they're never happy. They seem to think you need to be more aggressive investigating the 4400. I'm here to nudge things along. Ryland: Authority to review all 4400 case files. Access to all meetings and briefing sessions. Permission to ride with field agents at your discretion. That's a pretty broad mandate. Lyttel: Well, they're looking at five murders. Three unsolved bombings. Barbara Yates bashing us all over the airwaves. Seems to them you could use help. Ryland: I suppose it could look that way from a conference room in D.C. Lyttel: It looks that way from everywhere except this glass tower of yours. Ryland: I have 1,000 returnees within 75 miles of Seattle. I've got two dozen agents to ride herd on all of them.You wanna help me? Get me some more personnel.You wanna help me? Get D.C. off my back. But you're not really here to help me, are you? Lyttel: No. We're here to clean up your mess. Ryland: Where did they recruit you from? FBl? NSA? Lyttel: Doesn't matter where I came from. Ryland: How long have you been in public service? 15, 16 years? And suddenly you got a shot at a command of your own.Well, you come and take it from me.If you can. Kyle is in his bedroom ripping up all his photographs. The bed is strewn with them. Tom enters the room. Tom: Kyle, what's going on? Kyle: They're lies. Tom: What do you mean? Kyle: These pictures, I don't belong in them. These people, Idon't know them. Tom: No, no, no. Of course, you do. Look. This is you at the zoo with Grandma Fran when you were eight. Remember? And this is your birthday party when you turned ten. You remember George? Kyle: He was my friend. Tom: That's right. That's right. And Freddy, you have to remember Freddy. He was over here all the time when you were little. Remember? Kyle: Bugs Bunny. Tom: That's right. Exactly. He was crazy about cartoons. Tom touches him arm. Kyle: Don't touch me! Tom: I'm sorry. I'm, I'm...trying to help. Kyle: It's not my memory.You're my father. I recognise you, but I don't know who you are. It's like you're a stranger. Tom: Kyle, Kyle. Kyle, just look at me. Just look at me. Kyle: I need help. Tom: I want to help you. Kyle: Why can't you help me? Tom: I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. Homeland Security. Tom: The ripple effect. What about it? Every time we stop by the theory room, you and Marco always talk about how every case we work on has a ripple effect. Diana: Yeah, every case but the Friday Harbor murders. Tom: What if these bombings are that ripple? Knox went from killing prostitutes before his disappearance to killing random women once he came back. What if they weren't random? Diana: That's interesting. Tom: We should look into Knox's victims. See if we can find a connection there. Gail Keating's brother's (Victim that worked in the video store and was murdered after suggestion from Knox, in Becoming) are working in a room. Putting together something a homemade bomb. The Barbara Yates Show is on TV in the background. Yates: I can't condone these bombings, but I understand the fear behind them.The easiest way to stop the violence is to put the 4400 out of harm's way. Someplace safe for them and for us. Now, I know to some of you that that may sound harsh, heartless even. And I assure you, I don't mean it to be. Just as I assure you that there are those among the 4400 who... Dean Keating: Truck's ready to go. I won't be happy till we torch them all. They can all burn in hell. He turns the television off. Glen Keating: Hey, I was listening to that. Dean Keating: I'm sick of listening to it. Glen Keating: She's on our side. Dean Keating: That woman is a parasite. She doesn't give a damn about us or that our sister was murdered by one of those 4400 bastards. OK? Why don't you unload the fertiliser, eh? Leave the air filter on. Those damn fumes are killing me. Kyle is sat in the garden in the pouring rain. Shawn enters and seems really happy to see him. Shawn: Kyle! Kyle Hey! Shawn grabs him and happily hugs him to his chest. Kyle just seems bewildered. Shawn: Hey! It's good to see you, man. What are you doing sitting out here in the rain? What are you staring at? Listen, you're looking pretty good. The way your folks were talking I thought you'd be some kind of zombie. Kyle: They won't leave me alone. Asking me questions, staring at me all the time. Shawn: They're just glad to have you back. My mom did the same thing to me. Kyle: My parents had you come here, didn't they? To try to make me remember. Shawn: No, Kyle. Hey! Kyle: I'm going inside. I've got reading to do. Kyle stands up. Shawn: You've got reading to do! Kyle! Come on! I just got here. Richard and Lily have moved into their new house. Richard has on a suit. Lily: Look at you! Richard: I could have bought a car in my day for the price of this suit. Lily: How's it going? Richard: We've got a lot of work to do. Five families moved in today. Seven more by the end of the week. Got half a mile of property line to shore up. The fences are too short. Overhanging trees along the perimeter. Lily: Along the perimeter? Well, as long as you're on the job, I feel safe and so does the baby. Two happy residents. That's a start. Barbara Yates leaves the TV Building and is speaking on her mobile phone. Yates: It has been a crazy day. No, my assistant's out. My phone sheet is a mile long. I never got to the end of it. Anyway... A man grabs her arm and points to a limousine across the street. Man: Miss Yates, Dennis Ryland would like to speak with you. She get's into the car. Yates: Dennis. What a pleasant surprise! Well, this is a bit theatrical, don't you think? Ryland: Read this. Yates: What is it? Ryland: It's a story. A good one. Yates: About the 4400? He hands her some paperwork. Ryland: No, about a TV talking head that was involved in a car accident last year. A hit and run, actually. It was really ugly. The pedestrian she hit died instantly. It was a shame. He was 40 years old, father of three. No wonder she spent so much money covering it up. Yates: So... Are you blackmailing me, Dennis? I shut up about the 4400 and this envelope goes in a vault somewhere? Ryland: Not good enough, Barbara. Yates: What do you want me to do? Ryland: It's too late for you to do anything. I gave you a chance and you refused. Steve Smizick from the D.A.'s office wants to talk to you. He's going to charge you with vehicular manslaughter, among other things. Yates: Look, face it. Shutting me up is not going to make the 4400 disappear from the headlines. And eventually, they will cost you your job. Ryland: We'll see. Goodbye, Barbara. Tom and Diana speak with Collier at the gates of the 4400 community. Tom: Is this wisest move under the circumstances, Mr Collier? All these 4400s in the same place is a target. Collier: There are always dangers. That's why I hired the security team. Tom: Mr Tyler, I know you're trying to protect your family, but you must realise that by staying here, you could be in serious danger. Richard: Maybe. But you know l was born in 1922, in Missouri. And my skin was as black, then, as it is now. So, I've had to worry about fire bombings and beatings my entire life. And if there's anything I learned, it's this. Eventually a man's got to take a stand. I'm making mine right here. Shawn walks out of school and watches Danny and Nikki arguing. She seem's to be ending their relationship. Diana arrives to pick Maia up from school and finds her outside with her teacher. Teacher: ...a sprained ankle. Maia: To the other side. Diana: Maia, how did you do today? Teacher: Miss Skouris, can we talk? Diana: Well, give us a sec. Can you? Sorry I'm late again. Teacher: Please understand... I'm afraid you can't bring Maia back to school anymore. We have to consider the safety of the other students. Diana: Has Maia been a problem? Teacher: Not at all. She's lovely. But it's the bombings. With Maia's name on that list we can't risk having her here at school. l'm sorry. Diana: I understand. The teacher leaves. Diana: I'm sorry, Maia. We'll find someplace else, l promise. Maia: It'll be OK. Diana: No, it's not OK. It's wrong. Maia: No, I mean, someone's coming who will make everything better. We just have to wait a little longer. One of the 4400, Mary Deneville, carries some flowers across the street into a waiting van. One of the flowers is wilting. Mary: Oh, you got too warm. Come on. Let's look pretty. Don't you want to look pretty? She stares at it and the flower begins to regenerate. Mary: That's better. She get's into the van and starts the engine. A bomb explodes and the van is destroye. Tom and Diana arrive at the scene. Diana: Is that a blasting cap? Tom: It's a commercial detonator. Which means it'll be easier to trace than a bottle of bleach. Diana: We'll send it to the lab. lt needs serial numbers, lot numbers, a purchaser would be nice. Tom: What do you have on the victim? Diana: Mary Denneville. 27-years-old. The flower shop was her father's. She disappeared in 1999 but picked up her life right where she left off. Tom: Until today. Diana: Are the 4400 that frightening to people? Are we too close, so we don't see it? Tom: Something like this isn't fear. This is hate, pure and simple. His phone rings. Tom: Baldwin...Right now! He put's the phone down. Diana: What? Tom: We have to go in. Shawn see's Nikki at school. Shawn: Nikki. Nikki: Shawn. There's something I need to tell you. Shawn: I know. I saw you and Danny talking yesterday. Nikki: I just...want to make one thing clear. Me breaking up with Danny has nothing to do with you. OK? Shawn: OK. Nikki: Do you ever feel like you just......wanted to get away from your life for a while? Shawn: I did that for three years. Don't recommend it. Nikki: You know what I mean. Shawn: Yeah. Nikki: Find a quiet place where you can pretend that...things are simple. That nobody's angry at you, or hurt or sad. Shawn: I know just the spot. Come on. I'll take you. Nikki: Yeah? Shawn: Yeah. Nikki: OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Lyttel speaks with Diana and Tom. Lyttel: I've been studying your case files. You're the first investigative team I've talked to, but it seems like you're the right place to begin. Tom: Where shall we start, Orson Bailey, Oliver Knox? Lyttel: How about Maia Rutledge? Age eight. Disappeared in '46. Diana: Well, what about her? Lyttel: It says here her foster parents returned her to quarantine, no reason given. Then there's all these reports of her making predictions that come true. Next thing, she's been removed from quarantine by one of our field agents. Diana: I believe it goes on to say, 'For further study'. Lyttel: But you haven't filed any other reports though, have you? Diana: All of this was approved by Ryland. I don't see what the problem is. Lyttel: Next case, Shawn Farrell, aged 17. Disappeared in April of 2001 . It's a little thin. Isn't it, Tom? Tom: Why don't you accuse us of whatever it is and let us get back to work. Lyttel: You two are good field agents. But it was a mistake to let two people with such obvious conflicts of interest to remain on the 4400 investigation. Diana: This is not a conflict of interest, it is a unique perspective. It is a window into these people's lives. Tom: You have a gang task force, you want people on it who know gangs. Same thing here, we know the 4400 better than any other agents in the country, that's why we're on these cases. Lyttel: Nice spin. Is this what Ryland thinks? Tom: Is that who your after? Ryland? Lyttel: You know it's ironic. The North-West Division used to be a backwater. It was given to Ryland like a pat on the back for a career of good service. A quiet place where he could ride out his last years before retirement. But his free ride ended the night the 4400 showed up by that lake. Now there's going to be a change around here, whether you like it or not. You can either be part of it or you can get swept aside. Collier is in his office. His secretary buzzes in. Secretary: Lily Moore to see you. Collier: Uh, send her in. Lily enters the room. Collier: Lily, what can l do for you? Lily: Um... Yeah, Chilean sea bass? Tenderloin medallions? Lobster sushi? Jordan, I just asked if I could use the common area for our support group, I didn't mean for you to cater it like a black tie dinner. Collier: People want to eat whether they're wearing tuxedos or not. It's going to be a really emotional night. These people are like me. Their family reunions didn't turn out as planned. It's all paid for. Lily: Anyone ever tell you you're a control freak? Collier: Once or twice. Lily: Or that throwing money at people might make them question what you want in return? Collier: That sounds awfully serious. If I've made you uncomfortable... Lily: It's just...you go so far out of your way to make sure I'm taken care of. You give me far than I've thought about, or asked for or needed. You know I'm in love with Richard, right? Collier: Lily Moore, you are a blunt woman and I find that attractive, which I know was not your intent. Look, why would I try to break up you and Richard? One, I'm smart enough to know I'd fail. Two, I just would never do that. Lily, thanks for coming by and I hope your support group enjoys the lobster. Diana's at home, on the phone with Tom. Diana: The William Wayne Construction Company bought the blasting caps. Tom: Ok, good. Check their employee list with the names from the Knox case. Diana: I'm already onto it. I'll call you back if I find your ripple. Thanks. Tom checks in on Kyle. Tom: How is he? Linda: You better see for yourself. Tom: What are you doing, buddy? Kyle is drawing dots on a map. Kyle: I'm looking. Tom: For what? Kyle: For me. Shawn takes Nikki to Mount Rainier. Nikki: This is the spot? Shawn: Yep. Me and 4,399 of my closest friends popped out of a ball of light right here. Nikki: It's so pretty. I wonder why they sent you back here? Why not on the White House lawn? Or in the middle of Times Square? Shawn: I dunno, maybe they just appreciate a good view. Nikki: You think? Shawn: I have no idea. Nikki: You're such a jerk. Shawn: You're just figuring that out now? Hey, let me see this. He takes her hand. Nikki: What are you doing? Shawn: Doctor's follow-up. Just... It looks good. I keep thinking you're still fourteen. Nikki: I'm not. Shawn: I know. They kiss, which leads to them having s*x on top of the mountain. Diana is at home working on her laptop. She's going through a list of names. Diana: Tom? I've found something. The Keatings base is found. Officer: What do you got? Tom: Gone. Diana: We've got fertiliser. Tom: And tyre tracks. Diana: They've got a truck bomb. They brief Ryland at Homeland Security. Tom: The tyre prints matched the phone company's service trucks. So, we pulled their personnel records and found one Dean Keating. Ryland: As in Gail Keating - Friday Harbor murder victim? Tom: Dean's her older brother. Diana: Not only that. Gail's younger brother, Glenn works construction and on his last job the company was short two dozen blasting caps. Ryland: So, one of the returnee's kills their sister and these guys get their revenge. Tom: And the 4400 go from being a threat to being sympathetic victims. Ryland: Your ripple effect. All right, put out an APB on Keating's truck, and you'd better not let that truck get to where it's going. Diana and Tom are looking at CCTV camera's, watching various roads, looking for the truck. Diana: Come on. Where are you? Tom phones Richard. Tom: Mr Tyler, we're looking for a truck bomb. Be on high alert. Richard: Understood. Thanks. Diana: We're running out of time. There! Truck number 85. That vehicle's assigned to Dean Keating. And it's heading north on... Tom: Aurora. Heading into Richmond Highlands. Tom run's out. Sid: We need a list of all the 4400s in Richmond Highlands. Diana: There's only one 4400 in that area. It's Tom's nephew. Tom, hold up! They run to the roof of the building and get into a helicopter. Tom put's on a headset. Tom: Operations. Patch me through to that phone number again. Answerphone: Farrell residence.We're not in. You know the drill. Tom: Susan, Shawn, Danny. If you can here this, get out of the house! Is anyone there? Danny's there, but he has on headphones and can't hear. Tom: There it is. Number 85. Get us down. Now! The helicopter lands on the road in front of the lorry. Tom: Put your hands where I can see them! Diana: Out of the truck. Keep your hands where we can see them. Driver: What the hell... Tom: Shut up! Stay down. Tom: You're not Keating. Where's Dean Keating? Driver: He didn't come in. Diana: No explosives. The truck's clean, Tom. They switched vans. Tom: It's not Keating. Come on! Let's go. They get back in the helicopter. Tom: We got the wrong van. Re-check all principle targets. Report anything suspicious. The Keatings are outside Collier's housing development. Sid: We've got a 12ft step van parked near Collier's housing complex. No plates, new paint job. Tom: That's what the phone company uses. Patch us through to Collier's. Use any line you can find. Sid: The phones are dead. Richard see's the truck pull up. Richard: Code Red. Main gate. Lily's baby senses the danger. Back in the helicopter, which is hovering over the house. Tom: There they are. Get me over there. Richard and other armed security guards point rifles at the brothers. Meanwhile, the Keatings are preparing the bomb. Tom shoot's one of them, as he hovers overhead. They still manage to set the bomb. Glen: Go! Dean: I've set it. Go! Both brothers are hit and fall from the van, but the code has been set and the van heads for the gate's. Richard and the guards continue to fire and at the last minute, Richard shoot's out one of the tyres, which set's the van into a spin. It eventually lands on it's side, short of the gate, and explodes. No-one is harmed. The helicopter lands and Tom runs over to the brothers. Tom: Hands over your head! Down! Down! Down! Down! Diana: On your stomach now! Tom: You are being arrested as a terrorist. You will be treated as an enemy combatant. You do not have the right to remain silent. You do not have the right to an attorney. Whatever you say will damn sure be used against you! Lily runs down to the gate and hug's Richard. Lyttel goes to the hospital and finds Dr Mayhew in a cubicle. Tannoy: Doctor MacMillan to... Lyttel: Doctor Mayhew. I'm Warren Lyttel from Homeland Security. I need to ask a few questions about Kyle Baldwin. Tom arrives home that night and Linda rushes out to meet him. Linda: Tom, you have to come quick! Tom: What? Linda: Just come on! They rush out into the garden. Kyle is sitting naked, with the garden sprinklers spraying him with water. Tom: Kyle! What are you doing? Kyle: I know what's wrong with me. I finally understand. Tom: What is it, Kyle? Tell me! Kyle: There's only one explanation. Why I remember everything, but can't feel anything. Why all the people in my life seem like strangers. They're not strangers. I am. I'm not Kyle Baldwin.

Tom and Diana break Kyle out of NTAC quarantine and head to Highland Beach . In a virtual reality with Kyle, Tom learns where the 4400 were taken, who took them, and why.

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VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Weevil walks into the dean's office and finds him slumped over his desk in 309 "Spit and Eggs." Cut to Mindy in Keith's office in 310 "Show Me the Monkey." MINDY: I didn't kill Cyrus, Keith. Cut to Hank in Keith's office in 314 "Mars, Bars." LANDRY: I found this bug in my cell phone. Did you put it there? KEITH: No, Hank. Cut to the O'Dell residence. Steve Batando lays into Sheriff Lamb with a baseball bat. BATANDO: You like that?! Huh?! Blood starts to pour from the back of Lamb's head. Cut to Mars Investigations. KEITH: He says that Sheriff Lamb's dead. Cut to the basement of Hearst College. As Weevil starts to clean the flue, a bag drops down. He opens the bag and pulls out a bloody shirt. KEITH: [offscreen] Two maintenance workers found a bag of bloody clothes on campus. Cut to an interrogation room in the Sheriff's Department. Pictures of the bag's contents are in Mindy's hands. Keith points to the monogram on the pocket of the shirt. KEITH: The shirt belongs to your boyfriend, Hank Landry. Mindy goes pale. KEITH: [offscreen] Either you're covering for him or he's covering for you. End previously. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY CLASS - DAY. Veronica walks uncertainly down the central steps towards the front of the class. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, here's something the freshman guidebook failed to address: your dad is acting sheriff, he thinks your favourite professor may have murdered your favourite dean. Landry is at the whiteboard in the front of the class, writing. Under the heading "Theory versus Reality, pg 136, part 2," he is in the process of writing a list: "1. First, was this an intentional crime? 2. Second, was there wanton cruelty? 3. Third, is this a hostile person?" VERONICA VOICEOVER: So where do you sit in class? Veronica approaches her usual seat and hesitates. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Up front now seems awkward. She turns and looks towards the back of the room. VERONICA VOICEOVER: But isn't a seat in the back like hanging an "I think you're guilty" sign? Landry notices her dilemma and hurries towards her. LANDRY: I hope you're not relocating. She spins around to face him. VERONICA: Oh, Professor. No. No. I was just, um... LANDRY: I know, Veronica. It's kind of a weird situation, but I-I don't want you to think that this disagreement that your father and I are having will in any way affect things between us. A student like you comes along once, maybe twice, in a career. I'm glad that I get to be the one to mentor you, and I really hope that you don't forget that amid all this... VERONICA: I won't. Thanks, Dr. Landry. Landry goes back to the whiteboard and Veronica takes her seat at the front. Tim nods to her as he passes. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Mindy is still in one of the interrogation rooms with Keith. She is sitting at the table. Keith is pacing behind her. MINDY: This doesn't make sense, Keith. KEITH: Sheriff Mars, actually. I am acting sheriff now. So, sorry... MINDY: Okay. Sheriff. Keith leans against the wall in front of her. MINDY: Why am I still here being questioned by you in that tone of voice? You said that you found my ex-husband's fingerprints all over Cyrus' computer keyboard. Steve was clearly unstable. You found his prints on the keyboard. Isn't that what you people call a smoking gun? KEITH: "Goodbye, cruel world." That sentiment uses eleven letters. Unstable ex-husband Steve's prints are on every key on the keyboard. And, of course, there's the matter of the gloves found in the incinerator. Did the killer bother to wear gloves for the murder, only to take them off and leave prints all over the computer? So, no, that's not what we call a smoking gun. Keith starts pacing again. MINDY: [with increasing desperation] I didn't kill Cyrus, Keith! Keith perches on the edge of the table next to her. KEITH: Sheriff Mars. Mindy sighs in frustration. KEITH: You said you and Hank Landry were alone at the Neptune Grand on the evening of your husband's death, but a witness heard two men fighting in your room at midnight. You say you never left the hotel, but at 1:30, your car is checked out of valet and checked back in an hour later. In that time, a phone call is made between your cell and Landry's. You claim you never left the hotel and this call concerned toothpaste. Roughly thirty minutes after your car is checked back in, a student passing near your husband's window heard the gunshot. Toxicology reports show that your husband had a large dose of Xanax in his system. The dean's assistant said he was out, but records show you picked up a refill prescription for him earlier in the evening. Mindy is uncomfortable. Keith pushes off the table and walks behind her. KEITH: It just doesn't add up, Mindy. He grabs a chair and pulls it next to her, sitting down close to her. KEITH: I believe Hank Landry killed your husband, Mrs. O'Dell. I believe I can prove it. My question to you is this: are you gonna take the fall with him? Mindy opens her mouth but nothing comes out. She thinks and then comes to a decision, slapping the table. She turns to Keith. MINDY: The man who came to the hotel room. That was Cyrus. He was furious. FLASHBACK: INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, HANK'S ROOM - NIGHT. The keynote colour is gold. O'Dell is waving the gun around. Mindy is dressed and pacing in front of him. Hank is naked and still in bed. MINDY: [offscreen, narrating] He had a gun. LANDRY: Put the gun down, Cyrus. Let's talk about this. O'DELL: Oh, "Cyrus"? Oh, we're on a first-name basis now? I can see how you might be confused... As O'Dell approaches the bed, he pushes Mindy out of the way. She tries to appeal to him. MINDY: Cyrus. He ignores her. O'DELL:...about our relationship, what with you sleeping with my wife and all. But let me remind you, I'm your boss. LANDRY: Please, put the gun down and then we'll talk. MINDY: Cyrus, please! Please! O'DELL: There's nothing to talk about. You're done, Hank, and I don't mean just at Hearst. I mean everywhere. No tenure, no more happy days in academia bedding impressionable students and easily charmed wives. Mindy reaches out to O'Dell, going for the forearm of his gun-wielding hand. MINDY: Cyrus, please. END FLASHBACK. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. KEITH: He threatened to end his career? MINDY: Well, Hank's career means everything to him. Cyrus could kill him at every reputable college in the country. Cyrus stormed out, and Hank freaked. I said that I would go and try and talk him down. I went to the house, but his car wasn't there, so I went by his office. KEITH: And the phone call? MINDY: Hank wanted to know how it went. KEITH: How did it go? FLASHBACK: INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT. Eggs hit the window. MINDY: [offscreen, narrating] Well, his office window had just been egged, so he wasn't in a good mood. O'Dell senses a presence and turns from the window to the door. O'DELL: What are you doing here? MINDY: I'm here to ask you one more time, Cyrus, to please be merciful. END FLASHBACK. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. KEITH: That's when you gave him the Xanax? FLASHBACK: INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT. Cyrus is pouring himself another drink. MINDY: [offscreen, narrating] I thought it would do him some good. Mindy hands Cyrus a bottle of pills. KEITH: [offscreen] Three pills practically left him helpless. O'Dell taps out three pills into the palm of his hand before tossing them into his mouth. MINDY: [offscreen, narrating] I just gave him the bottle. He handled the dosage. Mindy watches Cyrus follow the pills with a slug of alcohol. MINDY: [offscreen, narrating] Look... END FLASHBACK. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. MINDY: I was there for five minutes. He yelled, I left, end of story. Keith gets up from his chair with a sigh. He walks over to the window that looks into the rest of the department. KEITH: What did you tell Landry? MINDY: Nothing. When I got back, he wasn't there. KEITH: You came to me to prove your husband was murdered. It didn't occur to you that your lover might have done it? MINDY: I knew that Cyrus didn't kill himself. I wanted to know who did, even if it was Hank. KEITH: You provided his alibi. MINDY: Until you told me about Hank's bloody clothes, I believed someone else was responsible. Cyrus had plenty of enemies. KEITH: You'll testify Hank was worked up? That he panicked at the thought of losing his career? MINDY: Yes. Keith heads for the door before pausing to look back at her. KEITH: I've known three men in your life, Mrs. O'Dell. Two are dead. The great state of California may see to the third. MINDY: How am I supposed to react to that? KEITH: Reflexively. Keith opens the door. KEITH: Don't leave town. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY CLASS - DAY. Landry is in the full flow of his lecture. LANDRY: Many agencies requesting criminal profiles are unified by the misperception that the profiling process can somehow circumvent the work of analyzing physical evidence on a particular case... Landry is interrupted by the sound of police radios. He looks up at the back of the classroom where Sacks and another deputy have appeared. Veronica looks back at them and the other students get restless. LANDRY: Uh...uh... The deputies just stand there and Landry presses on. LANDRY: Review conducted by Horvath and Meesig determined that physical evidence is used less than 25% in the cases- This time he reacts quickly as a door at the side of the front of the room opens. Keith walks through, closing it behind him. Landry hurries to meet him, his voice lowered. LANDRY: All right, then. May I ask what this is all about? Keith steps very close to speak discreetly into Landry's ear. KEITH: I'm going to arrest you, Dr. Landry. You should feel free to dismiss your class. There's no reason for the students to see you led out of here in cuffs. Landry nods. He turns to the class. LANDRY: Class, the acting sheriff has some questions he'd like to ask about a case, so I'm gonna let you go early. The buzzing in the class gets noisy. Tim, sitting at the side, rises from his seat. Veronica, fully aware of what is going on, gives her father a regretful look. LANDRY: Uh, read chapter six by next class. Opening credits. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. KEITH: Say it again, please, into the microphone. Landry is now in the interrogation room. Keith pushes a microphone in front of him before backing away and leaning against the wall. Landry leans towards the microphone. LANDRY: I'm happy to answer questions without a lawyer present. KEITH: Mindy flipped on you. LANDRY: I don't believe you. KEITH: She says she went back to the dean's office that night. She talked to her husband, gave him his Xanax. When she got back, you were gone. Keith walks back towards the table, leaning on it. KEITH: The dean was murdered at three a.m. You sure you don't want a lawyer? Landry doesn't respond. Keith sinks into the chair opposite Landry. KEITH: Mindy said the dean visited your hotel room. She says he threatened to destroy your career, and she went back to his office to try and plead for you. LANDRY: That's what she said? Keith nods. LANDRY: That's all she said about his visit? Keith continues nodding. LANDRY: Well...the dean did more than threaten me. FLASHBACK: INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, HANK'S ROOM - NIGHT. O'DELL: No more happy days of academia bedding down impressionable students and easily charmed wives. The gun is loosely pointed at Landry. Mindy reaches out to press Cyrus's arm down. MINDY: Stop it. If you just put the gun away- O'Dell turns on her. O'DELL: And you! You will find your things on the lawn tomorrow morning, okay? I'm so sorry I didn't take my friends' advice about marrying you, but thank god I took their advice about a pre-nup. We are done, and you get nothing, you hear me?! Nothing! END FLASHBACK. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. LANDRY: She didn't go back to save me, Keith. She went back to save herself. KEITH: She was back at the hotel room by the time the dean was dead. LANDRY: The ex-husband, Batando. KEITH: It's not looking like Batando. A maintenance worker found something interesting while cleaning out the incinerator at Hearst. LANDRY: You want to fill me in? KEITH: A bag...containing a dress shirt and gloves -- yours -- covered in O'Dell's blood. This rocks Landry who, for the first time, loses his confidence. He blinks rapidly and stares into space. He speaks in a whisper and almost to himself. LANDRY: Mindy. She set me up. She can get to my clothes. I don't know how she got her car back to the hotel, but- KEITH: Her alibi checks out. How about you finally tell me where you were at three a.m. the night of December 10th? LANDRY: I left the hotel and drove home alone. He appears to remember something. LANDRY: I stopped at a convenience store for cigarettes. KEITH: You charge them? LANDRY: No. And the clerk didn't even look up from his little TV set. Keith isn't impressed. Landry recalls something else.. LANDRY: Wait. FLASHBACK: INT - CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT. Landry walks away from the service counter, opening a pack of cigarettes. He goes through the door. FLASHBACK: EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT. WOMAN: [offscreen] Can I bum one of those? Landry turns back to see a woman approach him. We can only see her from the back. She has shoulder-length, dark blonde/light brunette hair. Landry takes a couple of cigarettes out of the pack. LANDRY: Here. Take two. I don't really smoke. END FLASHBACK. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. KEITH: So, this mystery woman, anything you can tell me about her? LANDRY: Uh, late thirties, early forties. Brunette. KEITH: I don't suppose you can tell me how your clothes ended up covered in the dean's blood? Landry has no answer to that. KEITH: I suggest you find a lawyer, a very good one. You're a smart man. You got to see I have a case. Landry stares at him. Cut to later. A deputy leads Tim into the cell area. The deputy stays at the door as Tim walks to the centre of the room. TIM: Professor Landry. Landry is on the bench at the side partially obscured from sight. Landry sighs. LANDRY: Tim. Of course. It's always Tim. Tim walks close to the bars. TIM: What's going on? They think you killed the dean. LANDRY: I didn't. Their case is... He sighs heavily. LANDRY: Just... Tim nods. LANDRY: There are two things you can do, though. Landry finally stands and walks to the bars. He whispers. LANDRY: I found a bug in my phone. TIM: A bug? LANDRY: I need to find out who put it there and how long it's been there. TIM: Okay. What else? LANDRY: I need you to find a needle in a haystack. Tim nods. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - NIGHT. Veronica is working at Keith's desk, using only the desk lamp as light. She looks up on hearing someone enter the main office. She can see that the person is using a flashlight. She quickly turns off the lamp, grabs her bag and heads out of the office through the door that leads into the hallway. She leaves the door ajar and watches. She sees the figure go to Keith's desk and start searching his drawers. As the flashlight shines onto the drawer nearest her position, she sees that the intruder is Tim. She takes on a look of disbelief and marches in. Startled, Tim shoots up from his crouching position at the desk, trying to close the drawer. He starts to run, but trips over with a loud clatter. VERONICA: What the hell are you doing? TIM: I, uh, I'm- VERONICA: Formulating a lie, realising it's futile, begrudgingly telling the truth? He gets to his feet. TIM: I'm trying to help Landry, okay? He gave-he gave your father the bug that someone planted in his phone. I'm hoping it will-it will lead to Mindy. VERONICA: How is it gonna lead to Mindy? TIM: I don't know. Uh, serial numbers? VERONICA: They don't have serial numbers. TIM: Well, I didn't know! There's got to be a way. How would you do it? VERONICA: [angry] Hmm. Well, first, I'd break into someone's office, act really weaselly, and then ask their advice. TIM: Pardon my manners, Veronica, but I'm a little desperate. Landry...he didn't kill the dean. Mindy's framing him. He's a great man. I'm gonna do everything I can to help him. He has an alibi. He was at a convenience store at the time of the murder. VERONICA: And he's got the credit-card receipt to prove it? TIM: No, but he-but he talked to a woman. He gave her a cigarette. I-I know it means nothing, but your dad doesn't believe him. He's not looking for the witness. I'm his only hope...unless you help me. Veronica is incredulous. VERONICA: You want my help? TIM: Well, I...I need it. I'm-I'm not-I'm not good in the field. I am more of a thinker. I have to find this woman, talk to her. You might be an asset. Veronica stares at him. INT - CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT. RANDY: I don't know. Veronica and Tim are in the same store as the one shown in Landry's flashback. She is holding up a picture of Landry for the clerk, whose name is Randy. RANDY: Maybe or...I don't know. Lots of people come through here. I don't, like, memorise their faces or anything. Sorry. Veronica glances up at an obvious surveillance camera. VERONICA: How long do you keep the surveillance tapes? RANDY: Um, like, no long. Veronica gives him a quizzical look as Tim folds his arms behind her. RANDY: It's not hooked up. It's just for show. VERONICA: You usually work the night shift? RANDY: Yes. You gonna buy anything? Veronica sighs and turns away from the counter. TIM: This is ridiculous. VERONICA: Welcome to "in the field." TIM: Well, it just seems hopeless. We have no idea who this woman is. She could've just been driving through town, or she could live next door and gone on vacation for a year. As Tim talks, the bell of new arrivals sounds, causing both Veronica and Randy, in shot behind her, to look up at the door. Three woman of questionable reputation walk in, one of whom looks like an older Lizzie Manning in her wilder days, but in the school uniform of her post-Meg life. Veronica stares at them. VERONICA: Or she could have been a down-on-her-luck catholic schoolgirl smuggling cantaloupes in her shirt. She turns back to Randy. VERONICA: So, are they, like, shooting a M tley Cr e video here or- RANDY: Strip City's just across the street. Three o'clock's the shift change. Veronica smiles and heads for the strippers. The Lizzie look-alike, called Catholic School Girl by the closing credit writers, is complaining bitterly to her companion, Blue Stripper. CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL: It's not like Buckcherry wrote it for Tory. I have seniority. VERONICA: Excuse me. Hi. Um, have you seen this guy? She holds up the picture of Landry. TIM: It would have been here, eight weeks and two days ago to be exact. CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL: What are you, some kind of little detective team or something? TIM: Well, as a matter of fact, we happen to be- VERONICA: We're just trying to find my dad. He left home again without paying the rent. I'm sure there's a valid reason, but if we could just find- CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL: Yeah, there's a valid reason. Men are scum. Mystery solved. She looks over at the clerk and smiles. CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL: Except for you, Randy. Let me see. Veronica holds up the picture again. CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL: No. I'd remember that one. VERONICA: Two months ago? Any of you maybe bum a cigarette off him? BLUE STRIPPER: Do we look like we smoke? Tim ponders her for a moment. TIM: Yes. BLUE STRIPPER: It's bad for your skin. Sorry, we didn't see him, but try tomorrow. Tory's on, and she smokes like a big, old slutty chimney. Catholic School Girl and the other stripper snigger. Veronica nods and heads out of the store. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Music: Unknown. LYRICS: ? No one knows I'd say it so loud If I knew what I ought to say Logan, carrying his lunch tray, walks up behind Parker, sitting at one of the tables with her. LOGAN: Hey! PARKER: Hey. She smiles as he slips into the seat next to her. PARKER: I didn't think you were gonna make it. How was Econ? LOGAN: Uh, Econ? PARKER: Tuesdays and Thursdays Econ? That class about economics. LOGAN: Oh, yeah. I flaked. But we agreed no lectures on college responsibility. PARKER: Nope. I just-I thought that was your only class today. LOGAN: Yeah. She stares at him, puzzled. He's all "so...." Elsewhere in the Food Court, Wallace is with a couple of other students. They are laughing as they traverse the Food Court. Wallace slows when he sees Parker and Logan, by now all smiles and giggles. End music: Unknown. INT - REGENCY LIFE INSURANCE - DAY. Mindy is sitting at the other side of the desk of one Nick DiCintio, signing a document. She finishes. DiCintio leans forward to turn the page and expose a new one. DICINTIO: And at the bottom, and we're done. Mindy signs the bottom sheet. DiCintio opens his top drawer and pulls out an envelope. Mindy puts on her large sunglasses. DICINTIO: Regency Life Insurance is very sorry for your loss, Mrs. O'Dell. He holds out the envelope. Mindy takes it. She checks the contents. MINDY: Well, that means a lot. EXT - MARINA - DAY. A smiling salesman walks down the gangway between moored boats, calling out. SALESMAN: Good afternoon, ma'am. You maybe interested in buying a boat? The customer is Mindy. She is standing next to an Ambassador Boats "Cayman Carver 3" according to the placard. She points to it. MINDY: Yes. I want that one. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Music: Unknown. LYRICS: ? Wallace and Veronica are sitting together. Veronica is digging into her salad, but Wallace is not touching his, instead screwing up his resolve. WALLACE: All right. So, I'm a guy, and I don't know or care about this stuff...but I feel like I'm supposed to tell you this. VERONICA: I'm starting to get a moustache? WALLACE: [bemused] No. VERONICA: Then why are you staring at my lip? WALLACE: Because you just made me. Veronica covers her mouth in mock horror. VERONICA: Stop! WALLACE: I saw Logan and Parker having lunch. VERONICA: Here? WALLACE: Yeah. VERONICA: In the cafeteria? At lunchtime? God, why doesn't he just run me over with a truck? Wallace shakes his head. WALLACE: Man, I'm just telling you this because it looked like it was something, like they were connecting, you know? Veronica nods, gazing at him intently. WALLACE: What? VERONICA: I'm just trying to figure out which Gilmore Girl you are. Wallace shakes his head some more at Veronica's coping tactics. End music: Unknown. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Veronica carries a large box of donuts into the main office. VERONICA: I know he says he doesn't eat them, but leave a jelly if you know what's good for you. She leaves them on the table by the coffee-maker. Sacks goes to check them out. SACKS: [resentfully] The last time you said that, you didn't actually get any jellies. I almost had a heart attack. He opens the box and examines them critically. Veronica leaves him to it, innocently grabbing a newspaper as she comes to rest by the filing cabinet. She sneaks open one of the drawers and pulls out a file. Cut to a moment later. Veronica pops her head around the door of the sheriff's office. Keith is working at the desk. He looks up and sees her. She smiles at him. KEITH: Are you in trouble? VERONICA: Has anyone told you you look very convincing behind that desk? KEITH: So, is that a no on the trouble? VERONICA: I'm just saying I like it better when we're not civilians. She steps in and heads for the chair opposite him. VERONICA: Speaking of, if I'm gonna be able to run red lights with impunity, I think a siren would be helpful. She starts casually looking through the file. Keith points at it. KEITH: Care to tell me where you got Landry's case file? VERONICA: The filing cabinet? I'm hoping his testimony might help us find his alibi. KEITH: Veronica.... Between his bloody clothes and Mindy's testimony, things are not looking too great for Professor Landry. VERONICA: Well, they'll look better when we find this alibi, which we will. Steps approach the office door, followed by a soft knock. Keith looks up. SACKS: Keith, DA's on line two. Keith nods then returns his attention to his daughter. He lowers his voice and wags a finger at her. KEITH: Okay. But you might also get used to the fact that he might have done it, sweetie. Just...consider it. Keith picks up his phone. KEITH: This is Keith Mars. Mindy O'Dell? Wasn't her deposition- Keith's voice goes hard. KEITH: What do you mean, missing? He and Veronica share an "Oh, boy" glance. EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT. Tim and Veronica outside the convenience store - Corey's Market (or possibly Gorey's -- it's that sort of font where the C and G are hard to tell apart). The sign boasts the availability of liquor. Veronica is eating from a bag of snacks whilst Tim is drinking from a large cup. TIM: Isn't that all the proof they need? I mean, why would Mindy leave if she weren't guilty? VERONICA: She's still got an alibi for the time of the murder, although we know she gave him the Xanax. Maybe she set him up for the killer. TIM: What, like maybe Batando? VERONICA: He is a guy who can be bought. TIM: Or it could be anyone. Everyone hated the dean. VERONICA: Not everyone. Veronica looks up at the sound of approaching steps. VERONICA: Strippers ahoy. Tim turns to watch as two women approach the store. One of them, with shoulder length, blonde hair throws down a cigarette and steps on it before heading into the store. Tim points to her. TIM: The one with the cigarette. I'll bet that's Tory. VERONICA: Ooh, you are a thinker. Let's see how you do in the field. Tim puts his drink on top of a phone box and heads for the store. Veronica hesitates, checking in her bag. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. Keith walks into Veronica's deserted bedroom. He gets out his phone and checks the time. EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING. Veronica still hasn't moved when her phone rings. She checks who is calling and answers. VERONICA: If you're wondering where I am, I'm hanging out outside a convenience store eating corn nuts and watching strippers. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. KEITH: Are you doing drugs? EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING. VERONICA: No. KEITH: [on phone] Good. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. KEITH: So, Mindy definitely split town. She shipped her kids to her parents in Surrey, England. EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING. VERONICA: Which shouldn't be a problem since you know Landry did it. KEITH: [on phone] No comment. Now... INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. KEITH: It's three a.m. Can I expect you home anytime soon? EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING. Veronica is formulating an answer when she notices another woman, a brunette, approaching the store. The woman pulls out a cigarette. VERONICA: Got to go. Out of corn nuts. Bye. Veronica hangs up and catches up to the woman before she makes it inside. VERONICA: Excuse me. Can I ask you a quick question? Have you ever seen this guy? She holds up the picture of Landry. The woman studies it. She nods. WOMAN: A few months ago. He gave me a cigarette. Why? INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith is interviewing the woman as she sits at one of the deputies desks in the main office. KEITH: So, you say you saw Hank Landry the night of December 10th? WOMAN: I bummed a cigarette from him. KEITH: You remember some guy you met in a parking lot two months ago? WOMAN: He actually looked kind of like the guy I just broke up with, and it kind of freaked me out. I mean, what kind of loser breaks up with a girl two weeks before Christmas? KEITH: And you're sure you saw Landry at exactly 3:30 that morning? WOMAN: Around there, yeah. KEITH: Were you wearing a watch, Miss...? WOMAN: I stop there sometimes when my shift ends. Keith is clearly sceptical. WOMAN: Hey, you know, I just came in here because they said the guy was in trouble. I don't care if you believe me or not. Keith is not happy. Cut to later. Landry exits the main office into the corridor where Tim and Veronica are waiting. He sighs heavily. LANDRY: Thanks, you guys. I wish there were a grade higher than an A. TIM: Mindy's disappeared. She got her insurance money and vanished. VERONICA: We think there's a chance she's working with Steve Batando. Landry is deep in thought. TIM: If you want, we can keep- LANDRY: No. No, you've done too much already. Thanks again. Terrific work. Landry scurries out, leaving Tim and Veronica standing. VERONICA: If I had to bet, I'd bet my dad isn't gonna leave it at that. TIM: We have to find those tapes. If Mindy was working with Batando, I bet Steve was the one planting the bug in Landry's phone, an insurance policy in case things went bad. VERONICA: Batando's keys are still in evidence. TIM: Is there any way we get ahold- VERONICA: [scoffing] "Is there any way?" Veronica walks to one of the deputies desks. She grins at a passing deputy as she picks up the phone, but instead of dialling, she reaches into the desk and pulls out the keys to the evidence room. She slips them into her bag. INT - BATANDO RESIDENCE - DAY. Tim is at the computer, wearing gloves. Veronica approaches from behind, staring at the gloves. TIM: [whispering] There's nothing here. He notices her staring. TIM: [whispering] What? Veronica doesn't bother to whisper. VERONICA: Nice gloves. You headed to the parlour to strangle Colonel Mustard after this? TIM: [whispering] We're breaking and entering. I can't leave prints. VERONICA: Use your sleeve. It's less creepy. She starts to look around. VERONICA: So, where else would you hide illicit recordings? She stops by a bookcase, full to bursting with CDs. She smiles. Cut to a little later. Tim, still in his gloves, is sitting on the floor with Veronica. They are going through the CDs. VERONICA: I didn't know Night Ranger had this many albums. Tim, who has finally gotten over his need to be stealthy, laughs. TIM: Well... He gets up and walks over to another bookcase, this one containing the television set and a load of DVDs. He crouches down to look at the bottom shelf. TIM: So, there's these dvds. VERONICA: Does he have A Bug's Life? TIM: No. He stands and scans the top shelf. TIM: But he does have Taps. He reaches for the case. It's a copy of the 25th Anniversary Special Edition. He opens it. Inside, the movie disc has been replaced by a burned disc marked "11/26-12/26." He shows Veronica. Cut to a few moments later. They have the disc on the computer and the screen shows a list of MP3s by date and time. TIM: Um...December 10th, 1:30 a.m. VERONICA: The night of the murder. Tim chooses a file (actually marked 12-10 1732 PM) and plays it. MINDY: [on tape] Hello. LANDRY: [on tape] Mindy, for God's sake, come back. MINDY: [on tape] Hank, I-I have to go. LANDRY: [on tape] Mindy, don't be stupid. He's not exactly in control of himself, and he's got a gun. MINDY: [on tape] I won't let this happen. I won't let him take everything. I just won't. LANDRY: [on tape] Damn it, I'll take care of this. MINDY: [on tape] How? LANDRY: [on tape] Just...I will, Mindy. Don't worry. MINDY: [on tape] No. No, Hank, I can't risk it. The recording ends. (The call is now on screen as 12-10 0130 AM) Veronica points to an earlier call. VERONICA: Anything else from that night? What's that one? TIM: It's, uh, it's that day. Probably just another... This one is shown as 12-10 1732 PM, (which should be the 9th, or the death was in the early hours of the 11th, but hey ho). As Tim waves it off, Veronica plays it. LANDRY: [on tape] Hello. REID: [on tape] Hey, Hank, Bob Reid at Pepperdine. I'm calling about a job application we got from your teaching assistant, Tim Foyle. He put you as a reference, so I'm calling for your thoughts. LANDRY: [on tape] Yeah. Well, um, Tim is loyal and hardworking. Tim grins. LANDRY: A good TA, kind of a kiss-ass. Tim's smile fades. LANDRY: Very linear thinker. No imagination. You could do worse, but, honestly, Bob, at Pepperdine, I'm sure you could do better. Veronica watches with sympathy as Tim turns off the recording. VERONICA: Tim... TIM: No, it's fine. It-it doesn't matter. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith is shouting into the phone as he walks through the main office. KEITH: No, sir. I'm just saying if your judge had given me the warrant to tap his phone, we wouldn't be having this problem. A deputy hands him a slip of paper. Keith glances at it and nods, continuing his recriminations on the phone. KEITH: And I asked for an ankle tracker. Bye. Keith slams the phone down. Sacks approaches him. KEITH: Did you talk to the airports? SACKS: L.A.X., yeah, but I'm still waiting to hear from John Wayne. Veronica, just arriving, hears this and adopts John Wayne's gait and does her best impression. VERONICA: And you're not gonna, pilgrim, 'cause what I am is dead. KEITH: What are you doing here, Veronica? VERONICA: I'm bringing you this. She hands him the disc. VERONICA: It's a recording of Mindy and Landry's phone call from the night of the murder. It really sounds like she did it, Dad. I really think Professor Landry is innocent. KEITH: Well, I'm glad you do, honey, but right now I'm more concerned with finding him. VERONICA: Wait. Finding Landry? KEITH: Yeah. He disappeared, too. Keith walks back to his office, leaving Veronica astonished. INT - MINDY'S BOAT - NIGHT. Mindy is asleep on the gently rocking boat. She wakes to the sound of the boat's engine starting. She gets out of bed and walks fearfully up the stairs and up to the top of the boat. Landry is piloting. He looks back at her. LANDRY: So, you finally got that boat that you always wanted. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - DAY. Veronica is putting books away while listening through headphones. CARRIE: [on tape] My name's Carrie and I read one of your books. I really enjoyed it... VERONICA VOICEOVER: I'm into hour three of listening to the recordings off Landry's cell phone, trying to find one that will connect Mindy and what I'm now afraid is her partner, Professor Landry, to the dean's murder, or, just as importantly, discover where they might have gone. She pauses her activity to listen carefully. MINDY: [on tape] Oh, all this sneaking around is driving me crazy. I wish we could just take a time-out. LANDRY: [on tape] Yeah, tell me about it. A week at Papa's cabin? MINDY: [on tape] Oh, God, baby, that would be so great. Veronica rushes to the help desk, removing her iPod. She picks up her cell phone and dials. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, TIM'S OFFICE - CONTINUING. Tim is working at his desk when the phone rings. TIM: Hello. VERONICA: [on phone] Hey, it's me. Do you know if Landry's father or his grandfather has a cabin? TIM: A cabin? I don't know. Why? He leans back in his seat. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - CONTINUING. VERONICA: They mention it on the tapes -- "Papa's cabin" -- like a getaway spot. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, TIM'S OFFICE - CONTINUING. TIM: Well, I've never heard of a cabin, but we can poke around. Uh, meet me at his house. I've still got his key. Bye. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - CONTINUING. Veronica closes up the phone and turns just as Parker arrives and approaches her. PARKER: Hey. VERONICA: Hey. PARKER: Long time, no see. Veronica hurries to gather her stuff together. VERONICA: Yeah. What's up? PARKER: Nothing. No, it's just, uh, it's...it's kind of weird. Um, I don't know if you know, but, um, Logan and I...we're sort of, I don't know, hanging out... VERONICA: Actually, Parker, I'm just running out. Is it okay if we catch up later? PARKER: Yeah. Okay. Veronica hurries past her to leave. Parker watches her go over her shoulder. Veronica glances at her, glad to have avoided the conversation. Parker sighs heavily. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Parker is alone at one of the tables. There's food, a drink and an open book in front of her, but she is staring sadly into space. Logan arrives, carrying some books. LOGAN: So, guess who went to a class today? He slides into the seat next to her with something of a proud flourish. LOGAN: Me. And guess what? I learned. He sees her mood. LOGAN: You don't seem your very usual ebullient self. PARKER: Actually, Logan, I have to, um...I don't know. LOGAN: What? PARKER: Having a friend like Veronica...that's important to me. I'm just worried, you know? LOGAN: Yeah. Yeah, I know. Logan stares at her for a moment before grabbing his books, He stands and looks down at her. LOGAN: [softly] Okay. He walks away. Parker sighs regretfully. INT - LANDRY RESIDENCE - DAY. Veronica is in Landry's lounge, sitting on a leather couch. She is poring over a photograph album. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, I guess it's true. Little future murderers play with dinosaurs like everyone else and have cuddly, old grandpas. She stops on the picture of an elderly man standing in front of a cabin. There's a camper van parked in front of the cabin. Veronica calls out. VERONICA: Hey, Tim, I may have something. Tim comes in from another part of the house. He's carrying a picture. TIM: Me too. He sits next to Veronica and passes the picture to her. TIM: This was on the fridge. It's a picture of Mindy and Landry standing in front of a man who looks to be serving drinks. There are a couple of black and white photographs behind them, one of a tree and one of a man. VERONICA: Looks more like a bar. Do you think they remodelled? Veronica, who is using her sleeves to avoid leaving prints even though Tim has eschewed the gloves, holds the picture above the one she was looking at to compare them. VERONICA: You think this is the same place? TIM: Hmm. They stare at it. Veronica glances at Tim's hands, noticing that he is playing with a cell phone. VERONICA: What's that? He hands it to Veronica. TIM: Oh, it was in the office...trash. VERONICA: What's he doing with a disposable cell phone? Get a pen and paper. Veronica punches redial. TIM: Wait. What are you do- VERONICA: Redial. She stands and starts to pace as Tim digs out pen and paper from his jacket. [SCENE_BREAK] VOICE: [on phone] Hello? Veronica puts on a bright and sunny disposition. VERONICA: Hi! This is K-RAC fm. Congratulations! You may have just won a new iPod. To claim your prize, press "pound." Nothing happens for a moment and Veronica makes an impatient face. She gives the unseen recipient a wind up sign. Finally, there is a tone on the phone. VERONICA: Please hold. TIM: Oh, oh, oh! So you get the phone number, then we look it up, and then you track down the address, right? Veronica, having grabbed the pad and pen, sets the pad on the table. VERONICA: That's one way to do it. She returns to the phone. VERONICA: Hi, it's Anna from K-RAC. How are you? VOICE: [on phone] Good. Is this real? VERONICA: If you can tell me our call number. VOICE: [on phone] Yeah. 103.1 fm. VERONICA: And you win! I just need you to confirm your name and address, and the K-RACing good-time van will show up with your iPod. VOICE: [on phone] Sure. J.D. Sansone. 18 Emberwood, Number 8. Tim is impressed. TIM: [mouthing] Number 8. INT - SANSONE RESIDENCE - DAY. Tim and Veronica are standing in a corridor, outside an apartment. Veronica knocks. The door is opened by a teenager. VERONICA: J.D. Sansone? J.D.: Yeah. Are you the radio people? VERONICA: My name is Miss Crockett. This is my partner, Mr. Tubbs. Tim unsuccessfully hides his surprise at Veronica's choice of alias. VERONICA: We're here conducting an investigation. TIM: An official investigation. J.D.: For what? VERONICA: How do you know Hank Landry? J.D.: From, like, the juvie board. VERONICA: Can you explain? J.D.: Just me and my buddies got nabbed stealing cough syrup from a drugstore. A woman's voice sounds out from within the apartment. MRS. SANSONE: [offscreen] J.D.! Homework! Now! Who is it? The woman pulls back the door. It's the woman from the convenience store. J.D.: Mom, this is Crockett and, uh, Tubbs, yeah. The woman sighs heavily. J.D.: They're doing an investigation. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith, Veronica and Tim walk down the corridor towards the main office. VERONICA: So, it was blackmail? KEITH: Hank was on the juvie board overseeing her son. The kid was one strike away from foster care. She says she was on her lunch break the other day and Hank called and threatened to take the kid off probation unless she showed up at that convenience store and said she saw Landry the night of the murder. VERONICA: And Landry? They've reached the door to the sheriff's office and pause in front of it. KEITH: Still gone. No leads. We're kind of busy, so if you two... TIM: That's why we wanted to bring you these. Tim passes an envelope to Keith. Cut to a few moments later, in the sheriff's office. The two photographs from Landry's house are laid out on the desk. VERONICA: On the tapes Batando had, Landry referred to "Papa's cabin." TIM: Like it was a getaway or hideout. VERONICA: So, we searched his house for ideas where that might be. No property records, but we found these. We're not sure if this is the same place or not. Keith picks up the picture of the elderly man. KEITH: Do we know anything about Landry's dad? TIM: Grandfather. He called him "Papa." VERONICA: Brewer Landry lives in Florida. KEITH: This doesn't look like Florida. Veronica takes the picture to look at it more closely. VERONICA: It looks like the mountains. Those are aspen trees. Tim grabs the picture. TIM: Quaking aspens, so western mountains. Veronica grabs it back as they continue to play out-doing each other. VERONICA: And on this one, you can actually make out the license plate on this truck: navy letters on white. TIM: The most common pattern, so it could be anywhere: Virginia, Alabama, Illinois, Kansas. VERONICA: Quaking aspens, Western U.S. TIM: Okay. So, uh, Oregon, Washington, Wisconsin, Utah, or California. Keith tunes out of the competition, picking up and looking closely at the other picture. VERONICA: California has red state letters. So does Washington. TIM: Not on the endangered animals specialised plates. Tim grabs the contentious picture back again. TIM: That could be a whale. VERONICA: Or a lake... Veronica grabs it back. VERONICA: As in crater lake, a specialised Oregon plate. KEITH: Or "Papa" could be Ernest Hemingway. Keith holds out the picture he's been examining for them both. The black and white picture behind Mindy and Landry is of Ernest Hemingway. Veronica snatches it as Keith moves around to the computer on his desk. VERONICA: Papa's cabin. Keith looks it up on PlanetZowie. The first entry identifies it as a retreat in Mexico. Keith clicks on and reads from the page. KEITH: "Papa's Cabin, Cabo San Lucas. Unwind at the hideaway once beloved by Ernest Hemingway." Keith smiles as Veronica and Tim accept his victory. EXT - CABO SAN LUCAS - DAY. Music: Unknown. LYRICS: Y acaba yo mostrar dentro Para el campo conocer Y acaba yo mostrar dentro Oh, oh, Para el campo conocer Papa's Cabin is a beachside bar. A police vehicle pulls through a gate onto the beach, stopping nearby. Keith climbs out of the back as the driver and the local police chief head for the bar. Keith looks out over the ocean. The Mexican officers join him. KEITH: Anything? CHIEF: A pretty positive ID from the manager. The guy didn't rent the room. Just paid to moor boat. They all look out at the boat moored off the beach. End music: Unknown. EXT - MINDY'S BOAT - DAY. A Policia Federal boat approaches Mindy's boat, the Anna Grace. Keith watches as the pilot steers the police boat alongside it. INT - MINDY'S BOAT - DAY. One of the officers secures the boats together. He helps Keith board the Anna Grace. The chief follows him on board. Keith takes out his gun. They proceed carefully below decks. In the galley, there's a single glass with the remnants of a drink next to a nearly empty bottle of brandy. Keith approaches the closed door of the bed area. KEITH: Hello! The door opens. It's Landry. He's tired, emotional and still drunk. LANDRY: I didn't kill him, Keith. KEITH: You must know this little trip to Mexico might lead me to take that statement with a grain of salt. Keith goes down the short run of steps as Landry steps out of the bedroom. Keith checks it. LANDRY: It was her. KEITH: Mindy? LANDRY: She did it, Keith. All I did for her and she set me up. Landry has a deep cut over his eye. KEITH: What did you- LANDRY: I tried to cover for her, put it on Batando. KEITH: The keyboard? LANDRY: Yeah, I just switched it with the dean's. It might have worked, too. Having climbed up to the galley level, Landry drains the remains of the glass. He sinks onto the couch. LANDRY: But then you took over as sheriff. KEITH: Where is she, Hank? Where's Mindy? LANDRY: There was an accident. I just wanted to talk, find out how she could turn on me like that. She must have thought I was gonna kill her. We fought...and I hit her, and she fell... Landry lets out a long breath. LANDRY: Over. It was dark. I looked, but... KEITH: But what? Where is she, Hank? LANDRY: I swear. I swear, Keith, it was an accident. Landry starts to sob. EXT - BEACH - DAY. A fourth boy runs to join three others, two with surfboards, who are standing on a beach, around the body of Mindy O'Dell. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. A wide shot shows many students making their way around campus. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, HALLWAY - DAY. Veronica is hurrying down the hall towards Tim's office. Logan calls out to her. LOGAN: Mars. Veronica pauses and waits for Logan to join her before carrying on down the hall. VERONICA: We're on a last-name basis now? We skipped right over androgynous nicknames? LOGAN: I tried calling you "Chuckles," but it didn't stick. Logan looks down at her. LOGAN: You know, some people are afraid of you. VERONICA: Huh. So, what's up, Echolls? LOGAN: Nothing. Just, uh... Logan brings them to a stop and Veronica turns to look at him. LOGAN: I wanted to...ask you about something. You know, it's kind of weird, but...you know, I was thinking of asking Parker out, and I wanted to make sure it was cool with you. Veronica is saved from an immediate response by Tim, who calls out from his office. TIM: Veronica, are you coming in? VERONICA: Yeah, uh, one second. She looks back at Logan, putting on a brave face. VERONICA: Of course. Thank you for asking. LOGAN: Sure. I know we're friends. Veronica nods. VERONICA: Yeah. They stand there a moment, each pretending to be cool about it, until Veronica points to Tim's office. VERONICA: See ya. And good luck. Logan, disappointed, watches as she backs into Tim's office, smiling. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, TIM'S OFFICE - DAY. The smile disappears as soon as Veronica gets into Tim's office. TIM: Oh, uh, thanks for coming in. VERONICA: Yeah. She shuts the door and walks automatically to the seat in front of Tim's desk, her mind still on Logan. Tim is fumbling with files. TIM: Uh... He takes his seat. TIM: So since Landry's been, you know, arrested... He chuckles. TIM: Well, it's kind of caught everyone, uh, by surprise, including me, as you know. VERONICA: Yeah. It kind of caught everyone by surprise. TIM: Anyway, I've been asked to take over his classes until they can find a replacement, and, uh, it's kind of a big job, and as you are kind of a... He smiles. TIM: Star pupil, I was hoping you might, uh, be my TA... Veronica's brows rise in surprise. TIM: While I try to get a handle on all this. Tim taps the files on his desk. TIM: 'Cause I could really use the help. VERONICA: Of course. TIM: Great. Tim laughs. TIM: Can you pick up my dry cleaning? Veronica gives a disbelieving chuckle and Tim laughs. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY CLASS - DAY. Tim is at the front of the class, He writes "Opportunity, Motive, Mental State" on the board. Veronica is passing out papers to the other students. TIM: So, as you probably know, uh, Professor Landry is no longer with us. Veronica takes a seat at the back of the class. TIM: I will be your instructor for the time being. Veronica sees that the student sitting in front of her is holding a newspaper, the headline of which reads: "Professor arrested in murder of Hearst Dean, Wife -- Affair alleged between Professor Landry and Dean's wife, possible motive." Another headline under it reads: "Sea lions attack swimmers near breeding... -- Vargas, 31, to be arraigned on multiple counts of animal..." TIM: So if you'll take your handouts from the Webber text- The student puts down his paper and holds up his hand. TIM: Yes? STUDENT #1: What happened? TIM: What do you mean? STUDENT #1: I mean, our professor murdered the dean. Can't we discuss that? The other students murmur their agreement. STUDENT #1: I mean, this is criminology, right? TIM: Well, it's a little awkward for me... Contrary to the emotion expressed, Tim is smiling and seems to enjoy the attention. He holds out his hands and slams shut the textbook. TIM: But okay. He takes off his jacket. The students shut their books, ready to listen. TIM: This is criminology. So, Landry kills O'Dell. Tim starts to stride up and down the central walkway. TIM: A crime of passion? Opportunity? Premeditation? What do we know? Well, passion clearly was a factor. Dean O'Dell's wife, Mindy, and Landry were engaged in an affair. The dean caught them, threatened to ruin them, destroy Landry's career. So motives pretty much a classic- STUDENT #1: Is it true he got the idea from one of our perfect-murder papers? Tim glances at Veronica. She's not enjoying the moment. TIM: Possibly. Again, opportunity. The idea in this paper probably suited the situation. He knew he had a limited window to act. He knew the dean was drunk and upset, and he had a gun. So a fake suicide suited the circumstances. Another student calls out. STUDENT #2: Any chance the dean's wife helped set him up? He was drugged, right? TIM: An anti-anxiety drug, yes, but he had a prescription. Now, is it possible they colluded? Yes. Will we ever know? Well, with Mindy dead and Landry not speaking, probably not. Landry was a smart man, but the bloody clothes he thought he incinerated got stuck in a chute, and once they were found, everything unravelled. Another interesting thing about this case is once a perpetrator starts improvising, the sloppier his work becomes. They find the bloody clothes, so Landry first tries to frame Mrs. O'Dell's ex-husband, and then, when he was arrested -- in this room, as you all remember -- he fakes an alibi. STUDENT #3: How? TIM: He called a woman whose son he oversaw in the juvenile probation board. It might have worked, actually, if the phone he had called them with hadn't been found. This furrows Veronica's brow and starts her thinking. TIM: Again, chance. If you remember from reading Holst, 80% of- Veronica holds up her hand. TIM: Veronica. VERONICA: When? TIM: Uh, when what? VERONICA: When did he call her? L-Landry was arrested here and taken straight to the sheriff's department. When did he have the time to make the blackmail call to fake his alibi? TIM: Well, uh, s-someone mentioned the possibility that he and Mindy colluded. She could have called while- VERONICA: It was a male voice on the phone. TIM: Well, then it's possible he called earlier, anticipating his arrest. Veronica is struggling with this. Tim turns his attention back to the rest of the class. TIM: Remember. This is a man who, at this point, knew his crime had been exposed. He knew Mindy was under investigation and had sent her children to relatives in England. This hits Veronica. TIM: He could easily have assumed that she had turned against him. Veronica stares in horror at her phone. She reaches for it as Tim continues his lecture. TIM: Anyway, in 80% of cases... Tim's voice catches and he clears his throat, having reached the lectern at the front of the room. TIM: The breakthrough evidence was- He clears his throat again as Veronica opens the back of her phone. TIM: Was obtained outside the usual police protocols. Veronica pulls out a bug. She slowly puts down her phone, her mind racing. TIM: An interesting point of-of Holst, I think, he makes here, is that... Veronica raises her hand. Tim calls her, his voice a little desperate. TIM: Veronica? VERONICA: How did you know she sent her kids to England? TIM: I'm actually not sure, but- VERONICA: So whoever bugged Landry's phone knew that the dean caught Mindy and Landry together and that the dean was drunk in his office? TIM: Well, if you're suggesting Batando killed them, it's possible. If you follow the thread through- VERONICA: So this person would also be aware that Professor Landry shot down your chances for a teaching job at Pepperdine. The students in the room gasp. VARIOUS STUDENTS: Oh, my God. Did you hear what she just said? TIM: Yes, if they listened- VERONICA: To all the tapes... Veronica gets to her feet. VERONICA: Which it sounds like you did. TIM: I...I'm-I'm not sure I understand. VERONICA: I do. When my dad called to tell me that Mindy had sent her kids to relatives in England, you couldn't have heard. You were in a convenience store talking to a stripper. Some of the students titter. Veronica holds up the bug. She starts walking towards him, her voice thickening with accusation. VERONICA: You bugged my phone. You bugged Landry's phone. You knew he shot down your job application. You knew the dean threatened him. You knew the dean was zonked out on Xanax and scotch in his office, and you had access to Landry's clothes. You murdered Dean O'Dell to destroy Professor Landry...because he used you, then betrayed you. And when he said he had an alibi, you faked it, so you'd be sure he'd go down... She's close to him now and her voice drops. VERONICA: Bet he'll change his mind about you not being that smart. Tim frantically tries to think, but he can't. He glances at the students and then back at Veronica's face, full of righteous anger, but has nothing to say. ANCHOR WOMAN: [offscreen] And in a shocking development in a local murder investigation... INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. The television is on showing KTML 9's exclusive. Reporters surround Tim as he is led through the Sheriff's Department. The video gives way to the anchor woman and a picture of Tim, captioned "T.A. Foiled." ANCHOR WOMAN: Timothy Foyle, the teaching assistant of accused killer Hank Landry, has confessed to the murder of Cyrus O'Dell... Veronica stands watching, clutching a couple of dinner plates. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The one big downside of justice: it feels good, but it doesn't change anything. She gets on with laying the plates on the counter where glasses of water, salad and bread are already set. VERONICA VOICEOVER: A killer's in jail, but the dean is still dead, which remains fundamentally unfair. As Veronica returns to the hob, Keith arrives home. VERONICA: You got a confession? Keith holds up his arms to show off his muscles. KEITH: I am that good. VERONICA: So it's true what they say. There's a new sheriff in town? KEITH: Until the special election, anyway. Veronica starts to dish up potatoes from a saucepan. KEITH: What you making? VERONICA: Meat and potatoes. I read somewhere that's what real men eat. KEITH: Ah, is there a real man coming over? VERONICA: So, what's gonna happen to Landry? KEITH: He's gonna be tried for manslaughter. He killed Mindy O'Dell. He confessed, too. VERONICA: Man. You get everyone to confess. She returns the saucepan to the stove and reaches into the oven. KEITH: I think it's the uniform. Do you have anything to confess? She pulls out a baked dish. VERONICA: Yes. You embarrass me. KEITH: Give me my meat, woman. She serves him his meat. On the TV, the anchor has moved onto another story. ANCHOR WOMAN: And in other news, a San Diego businessman was found dead in his Laguna Beach house. KEITH: Turn that off, will you? A little reluctantly, Veronica puts down the dish and grabs the remote. She points it at the television, ANCHOR WOMAN: The discovery was made by his private secretary who told police she discovered the man's body on... Veronica turns the TV off. Keith starts to eat. KEITH: You know I don't like you exposed to all this crime and violence. It's gonna warp your mind. Veronica sits down and starts to eat, a little desultory. Keith watches her for a moment. KEITH: Who am I kidding? He grabs the remote, points it over his shoulder and turns the TV back on. Veronica smiles in satisfaction and leans over to watch. ANCHOR WOMAN: Police have yet to make a ruling on the case. End.

Keith, again appointed sheriff after Lamb's death, interrogates Mindy O'Dell, who reveals that the third man in her hotel room the night of the Dean's murder was Dean O'Dell himself. Veronica and Tim set out to prove Professor Landry's innocence, and Veronica ends up uncovering the real murderer.

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J-Roc: What's crackin', y'all. Let me be the first to officially welcome y'all ma-fuckers to my brand new joint. Scrilla Villa. A-ight y'all, check it out. Let me explain something to you, you know what I'm saying. Me and T had to get things set up, you know what I'm saying. With the babies on the way, with the family, you know what I mean. So we had to start working. That's when I realized that the airport has some unique job opportunities, dawg. Tyrone: That's right. We had to seize the mother fucker. J-Roc: Carpe dizum, you know what I'm saying? That's why we started gankin' luggage. This is all the sh1t we ganked from overseas, you know what I'm saying. It's all from Europe. It's tight. Ma-fuckers come back with some crazy ass sh1t, dawg. You want a box for your bling? Ten ma-fuckers. It's tight, cheap and dope. I'm out. And this here room's what I call liquors of the world, dawg. You know what I'm saying? Look at all the sh1t the ma-fuckers bring back. It's your passport to getting drunk. Glug, glug. [making guitar noises] Real snake. What?! I'm saying. We so busy now, you know what I mean, I even had to hire employees. That's Lucy right there, you know what I mean. Lucy, one of my employees. That little ma-fucker ain't though. I ain't paying for that ma-fucker. Lucy: I had to go back to work when I found out that I was pregnant. I knew that Ricky was never going to get his sh1t together and I'm going to be taking care of this baby on my own, so this seems like an honest gig. J-Roc: Lucy, you ready to do this family portrait? Lucy: Yeah, yeah. I just gotta figure out this, how it works. J-Roc: Like to introduce my family dawg. I ain't saying they both mine, I ain't saying they ain't. Who knows about my ancestry, you know what I mean. But me and T decided we too close to go through all that DNA bullish, so we just going to be co-daddies to these two little pimps right here. Lucy: Smile. [camera clicks] [music] Bubbles: Hey Ray. Ah, for f*ck's sakes. Ray: What's up man? Bubbles: What's going on? Ray: Hey bud, how are you doing? Bubbles: You gotta come see it. I got it set up. Is it ever decent. Ray: Oh yeah? Bubbles: Check it out, you head up on the deck. Ray: Alright. Bubbles: Alright. Look at that. Look at the detail. Ray: Awesome buddy. Bubbles: Eh? This is awesome! Ray: So what's going on with you and Rick and Julian. You guys cool or what? Bubbles: Yeah, we're cool. I'm just not hanging out with them anymore, ever since Ricky almost froze me to death. You know, I have a hobby now and that's what I'm going to do from now on. My hobby is trains and just like your hobby's drinking. Ray: It's drinking buddy. Hey, Shitty! There's Shitty bud. Shitty! Shitty: Hey boys. Ray: Hey Shitty. Bubbles: Hey Shitty. How you doing? There's a load there so get her loaded up. Ricky: Hey Shitty. Bubbs, how's it going buddy? Bubbles: Oh not bad Ricky. At least I'm not freezing to death. Ricky: I'm sorry about that. Look, I really need to talk to you. And Dad, can I talk to you too about some pretty serious stuff. Ray: Of course buddy, what's up? Ricky: Let's get away from Shitty. It's pretty private. What the hell is all this sh1t. What are you guys doing? Bubbles: Nothing Ricky. Nothing you'd be interested in. Ricky: I know what's going on. Better not f*ck with any of my stuff Shitty, just leave it where it's at. Ricky: Is there any way that Lucy could have gotten pregnant without my bird doing stuff to her? Ray: [laughs] You're joking right Rick? Ricky: No actually, I'm pretty serious Dad. Ray: f*ck, um. Ricky: But there must be another way. I mean, we have done some stuff but, me and Lucy haven't banged in seven months and she's six months pregnant so, does that work out? Ray: Bubbles, answer that. I gotta rock a piss off bud. Bubbles: Ray? Look Ricky, just think of this train engine as Lucy right. If you put fuel into it, it'll go. But if you don't, it doesn't. Ricky: So you're saying that, what? Bubbles: Ricky, a train will only go if there's fuel in it right. So if it wasn't your nozzle that was putting fuel into Lucy, someone else's nozzle must have been. You know? Ricky: You sure? Bubbles: Yeah. Randy: So let me get this straight? Mr. Lahey gets one night off and you guys don't even include me? Barb Lahey: Well, maybe if you weren't so high all the time Randy. Randy: [grunting] Oh, moose balls! Barb Lahey: [laughs] Randy: My pants! Barb Lahey: [laughs] Randy: It's not funny Barb. Jim Lahey: Randy. Randy: [yelling and banging] Barb Lahey: Randy! Randy: My best pants. Jim Lahey: Randy?! Randy: This is friggin [banging] Barb Lahey: Randy! [Gentle music] Julian: Hey. I heard about Lucy man. I'm sorry man, that sucks. You okay? Ricky: Yup. Check it out Julian. The rankins are getting a lot bigger, huh? Julian: Yeah, he's cute. So, are you coming to the airport with me or not? Cause I gotta get going. Ricky: No, I'm not working for J-Roc man. It's against my vice principles. I'm a dope dealer. I'm not going to steal luggage. I understand if you want to I guess, but I'm not. Julian: I've got no choice man, I have to. Trailer's re-mortgaged. If I don't come up with a payment, I'm going to lose it. Two hundred and forty-five dollars. Where the f*ck am I going to come up with that kind of money? Anyway, I gotta get going, but listen to me, you are handling this well okay. So keep it up, don't do anything crazy alright. Ricky: I'm good. Julian: Alright. We'll get drunk when I get back or something. Ricky: What's going on here? Big black Cadillac. J-Roc? Lucy is f*cking banging J-Roc? I can't believe it. J-Roc borned my baby. f*ck! [sound of airplane] Police Officer George: We good to go? Police Officer Ted: Yeah. Police Officer George: Focus. Police Officer Ted: Yeah, the focus is fine. Police Officer George: Alright, just a waiting game now. Oh yeah, look at that. Hey look, check it out. Jamie, Tyler and the rest of the gang. Think they might be, oh I don't know, stealing luggage. Police Officer Ted: You think Jamie's smart enough to master mind that? No, I don't know about that. But, Julian sure as hell is. [car brakes squealing] Police Officer George: This is going to get interesting. J-Roc: All luggage look the same nowadays, you know what I mean? Give me a kiss mother-fucker. J-Roc: Bye Suzanne, lovely to see you. Ricky: Wait right there Lucy! J-Roc: Suzanne, you go to the car. A- ight Suzanne, I'll see you in a minute. Ricky: Lucy, wait right there. I need to talk to you. J-Roc: Suzanne, go to the car. Suzanne. Ricky: What the f*ck!? You banged Lucy and gave her a baby? J-Roc: I never banged Lucy, dawg, or Suzanne, what I'm saying. I tried to hit her a couple of times you know what I'm saying, but she wasn't feeling me dawg. T tried too. But we didn't. Ricky: Oh, so it's f*cking T. What's the deal man, you got nothing better to do. Couldn't help yourself, take a little something something from Lucy? Tyrone: I didn't do nothing man. Relax yourself man. You know the rule, bros before hos man. Come on, Ricky, you know that sh1t man. Julian: Would you calm down? Ricky: I got a question. Why the f*ck were you kissing her then? J-Roc: I got a question too. Can I ask you somethin'?! Would you calm down mother- fucker? Ricky: I just want to know why you were kissing her. I wasn't kissing her, we was actin'. Saying? Ricky: Actin? J-Roc: We was just actin'. Me and Lucy was pretending to be married cause we taking luggage and we don't want fuckers to find out dawg. Julian: We're trying to work here. Alright. Go home, we'll deal with this later back at the park. Not here. J-Roc: That's right. Know what I'm saying. Ricky: Fine then guys. Let the little luggage bandits do their little thing here. J-Roc: There ain't no luggage bandits here. Ricky: I'm going to f*cking find out who banged Lucy and gave her a baby. I am. J-Roc: It wasn't me. There ain't no luggage bandits here. Ricky: I'm going to find out. I'll tell you that J-Roc. Jim Lahey: God-damn, George and Ted are making me pull their shift at the liquor store today. Barb Lahey: Oh Jim, you promised. Jim Lahey: What can I do Barb? Barb Lahey: Oh, we are going to get so far behind at line dancing. How are, oh. Oh, never mind. Maybe we can do a little bit of horizontal line dancing at home, eh? [laughter] [Banging at door] Barb Lahey: Oh hang on. Ha? Jim Lahey: What's that? Barb Lahey: I don't know. Barb, ever since I seen you, you are the sun that lights up my world. Jim Lahey: Sounds like Randy when he's high. Barb Lahey: Yeah, when isn't he high? Jim Lahey: Barb, I think you should lighten up on Randy. At least he's trying. You gotta admit, it's pretty special for him to send you those. Ray: Alright buddy, think about what I said. Come over for supper tonight bud. Newfoundland steak and mashed potatoes buddy, whaddya think? Bubbles: Oh, count me in Ray. I'd love some. Is that my Model Train Magazine? Ray: Yeah, f*cking right buddy. Bubbles: Can I have it? Ray: Wait a sec, hold it. Got a problem. Need a boost buddy. Car won't start. Bubbles: Well, I can't boost it. Give me my magazine. Ray: Bubbles, work before play. That's exactly what I taught Ricky. We gotta figure out this problem before we do anything. I need a boost, go get me your lawn mower or something. Bubbles: Just let me get this straight, you're holding my magazine ransom? Til I give you a boost. I got nothing I can boost you with. Ray: I'm not holding this ransom, I'm saying we gotta do work before we do pleasure. That's the way it always is in life Bubbs. Bubbles: Well, what am I going to boost it with? All I got is a go cart. Ray: Your lawn mower. Get your lawn mower. Bubbles: Ray, you know how jumping the things starts. You hook two of the pinchers to your battery and two of the pinchers to another battery, and if I don't have a battery then there's nothing to hook it too. Now give me my magazine! Ray: If I had to do this myself, I wouldn't have even asked you. I need you help, I'm asking for your help. Bubbles: There's nowhere to hook it! Ray: I've got your magazine. [SCENE_BREAK] Ricky: Lucy! Where the f*ck are ya? I need to talk to you. Sarah: Ricky? Ricky, what are you doing? Ricky: I want to find out who brought this baby by Lucy. Is what I'm f*cking doing, until these idiots got in my god damned way. Sarah: Ricky! Ricky: Lucy, where is you at? Sarah: What the f*ck are you doing? Are you guys okay? f*ck. You can't just come in here and push people over and eat my f*cking bread Ricky. Ricky: Well, Lucy had a baby borned by somebody. I'd like to find out who the f*ck it is. Where is she? Bubbles: Alright Benjamin Franklin. You should me where to hook this. Ray: You see the red thing in your hand there Bubbles, that goes Julian: Guys, guys, guys. [everyone talking at once] Julian: Where's Ricky at? Ray: I don't know where Ricky is. I haven't seen him all day. Just, put that on the red thing. Red on red. Julian: What are you trying to do? You can't boost a car with a go cart Ray. Come on, get in there, I'll give you a boost. Ray: I can do it. You could've done it. Bubbles: Give me my magazine. Ray: You could have done it Bubbles, you just didn't try. Julian: Oh Ray, number one, you got a loose terminal here bud. That's not going to do anything. Bubbles: Decent! Julian, check this out. Look. 10th Annual Bangor International Model Train Convention. Look who's hosting. Sebastian Bach, Skid Row. My god, trains from all over the world. This year featuring the Swayze Express. Julian: Swayze Express? Patrick Swayze. Bubbles: Julian's always been really sensitive about the whole Patrick Swayze thing because when we were kids in school, the other kids used to tease him and call him Patrick Swayze but Julian was really into Dirty Dancing. I remember one time me and Ricky were coming over to get Julian to go ride bikes and we walked in the trailer and Julian was dressed up like him, pretending he was in the movie Dirty Dancing. Ricky told everyone in school and then from then on they teased him, Patrick Swayze. Julian: Are you f*cking with me here Bubbs, cause it's not funny man. Bubbles: No Julian, not that Patrick Swayze, not the actor, Patrick Swayze. That's a different one. Ricky: f*ck! Ray: Finally someone who knows what the f*ck they're doing. Ricky: Julian, where the f*ck is Lucy? Julian: How should I know? Ricky: You're a cole-worker. Julian: Actually, I quit Ricky. Last I saw, she was heading back home. Ricky: Here she comes right now. Julian: Don't do anything stupid Ricky. Ricky: Why the f*ck not Julian. Ray: Ricky, I need a boost. Give me a boost buddy. Ricky: Dad, I don't got time for boosts right now. Lucy's banging J-Roc. I gotta go deal with this right now. Ray: Ricky, I need a f*cking boost! And I need it now! Alright. Bubbles, get this f*cking go cart out of my way. Julian, get that black piece of sh1t out of here and down the road. I don't ever want to see it around my car again. Ricky, I want you to bring your car from there to here, hook up those cables to your car, get me the f*ck started so I can get out of here, okay? Ricky: Alright. Does anyone know how the f*ck these things go on. Bubbles: Yes, I know how they work! Ray: You don't know how they work. That's what started this problem Bubbles. You don't know how they work. You said you did Bubbles: I do Ray! Ray: but you don't! You couldn't even hook them up to your go cart Bubbles. Bubbles: I'm not getting involved Ray: I don't want to argue about this anymore. Julian: Red on positive, black on negative. Ray: I just want to get home. Cook supper for me and Bubbles, you're still coming over for supper, aren't ya? Bubbles: Yes! I'm coming for supper. Ray: Alright, mashed potatoes and Newfoundland steak. Lucy: The navy is really good. I actually can't see your underwear for once. Sarah: Yeah, they look really good Randy. They are a big improvement. Randy: They're so comfortable. My other ones were so tight. Sarah: Yeah, they're only one size bigger too. Randy! Randy: Sorry, Sarah. Ricky: Lucy, get the f*ck out here. Tell me what's going on. Nice pants Randy. You still look f*cking stupid. Lucy, I'm serious - get out here and talk to me. Randy: Why don't you just calm down Ricky. Ricky: f*ck off, what do you want? Who is it Luce? That stupid f*cking idiot, dumbi-cop George Green? Cause it can't be me Lucy, I checked. Lucy: Okay, you know what Ricky. Don't be stupid. Ricky: You look me right in the eyes, right now. Tell me I'm the father of the yet to be unborn baby. Lucy: Okay, you're getting way Ricky: See, you can't. You can't do it. Lucy: We can't talk about this right now. You have to chill the f*ck out. Alright, I'll talk to you later. Ricky: Lucy! Lucy! Police Officer George: What a shame. Another baby that's going to be born in jail. Police Officer Ted: You tagged her at the Cheeseburger Picnic didn't you George? Police Officer George: It was one time Ted. I was drunk and high, doesn't count. Ricky: Yeah, yeah. You think you're so f*cking tough, smoking that big mall dope eh? Randy: It's good dope. Ricky: Nice new pants. Good price? How's got the best dope in town? Randy: You do Ricky. You get to the best frigging dope. But you charge too much. Lucy: Oh Ricky, leave him f*cking alone. Ricky: I'm going to spit on you right now Randy. Randy: Don't you dare spit on my pants Ricky. Ricky: f*cking stupid those pants are. [spitting] Randy: How dare you! [spitting] Ricky: You just f*cking spit on me! Randy: Good! Good, yeah. Ricky: I'm going to wipe it all over your body. Police Officer George: Well, we got all the evidence we need. We also have four hours of paperwork now, so I don't think we're doing Chippendale's tonight. Police Officer Ted: I'm not going to miss that. Police Officer George: Actually, we have someone who can do all that. He's working at the LC right now. Police Officer Ted: Right. Lucy: Ricky, leave Randy alone. Randy: Ow! Ricky: Lucy, I will make you have a uternity test if I have to. Just tell me who it was, please. Lucy: No, I can't tell you. Come on. Are you alright bud. Ricky: Randy, I'm sorry man. I'm just really stressed out. Are you alright? Randy: Yeah, I'm okay Ricky. Ricky: Get the f*ck out of here. Lucy, will you please just tell me. Lucy: Fine, I can't take this anymore. Do you remember the second weekend that you and your father spent in the drunk tank? [Gentle music] Lucy: Well, I had a moment of weakness. Come on, it just happened one time, I swear. Okay. I'm really sorry. Ricky: Lucy, Who did you bang the weekend me and my dad went to the drunk tank? The second time? Tell me who it was. Lucy: Okay, it was Randy. There I said it. Ricky: Randy? Lucy: I banged Randy. Randy: It's true. We made love a couple of times that Saturday night. Ricky: You're the father of my baby? Oh my f*ck! Jim Lahey: No thanks, don't drink. Sam: Jim? I hardly recognize you. You're sober. Jim Lahey: Very funny Sam. Can I see some I.D. please? Sam: I.D., what are you crazy? I'm f*cking 49, get the f*ck out of Jim Lahey: Newsflash shit-glasses, you're going back to your cave. Sam: Oh, I see what's going on here. It's because I used to date Barb, isn't it? I don't deserve this man, it's not fair. Jim Lahey: Life's not fair same. This is real time, not cave time. Sam: Hang on, hang on, I've got to give the kids back their money. Jim Lahey: Move it Sam. You got a shower in this rig. Sam: Of course I do. It's just not working. Jim Lahey: Surprise, surprise. Why don't you scuffle off to your antediluvian world, find some water and hose yourself down? Sam: Don't think I haven't noticed those sly cave man references, Lahey. George: Hey Jim, how's the liquor store treating you these days bud. Jim Lahey: Good George, good. Ted: Had any relapses? Jim Lahey: How the mighty have fallen. Ted: What's that supposed to mean? Jim Lahey: Birds of a sh1t feather, Ted. George: Well, speaking of sh1t Jim, we need you to file the paperwork on this warrant. For your friends down at the trailer park. Jim Lahey: George, I'm pulling a double shift now. If I have to do this, I'll be up til four a.m. George: Well, we're going to be up until 4 in the morning too Jim. Ted: Getting drunk, doing security for the Chippendale's. George: Get it done. Jim Lahey: f*ck! Barb Lahey: So what do you want to talk about Randy. Or do you need to be high first? Randy: Barb, there's no real easy way of saying this. I frigged up. Barb Lahey: What are you talking about? Randy: Basically I banged Lucy and knocked her up. No big deal. Barb Lahey: Oh my god. That was you? Oh, greasy. Do you know the whole park is talking about that. Jim Lahey: You cheated on me Randy? You cheated on us? You cheated on us. Randy: Well, Mr. Lahey. I want to make this work. If we stay together, we can help Lucy raise our baby. Barb Lahey: Our baby. No, I don't think so Randy. That'd be your baby. Randy: Oh cinnamon cocks. Jim Lahey: Randy, it pains me to say this, but I think it would be better if you moved on alone. Barb Lahey: And now that we've established that, I'd like you out of this trailer, now. Randy: You don't expect me to go live in the supervisor trailer with Ray do you? Barb Lahey: No, I don't expect you to go live there Randy, because you're fired. Randy: What? What am I going to do? Barb Lahey: Well, you could go back to mowing lawns. I mean, they don't mind you doing that when you're stoned. Jim Lahey: Barb. Barb Lahey: Jim? Jim Lahey: Randy. Randy: Mr. Lahey. Barb Lahey: Jim! So that's a hundred and seventy six ninety-two. Now would you like me to give it to you or should I give it direct to your drug dealer? Jim Lahey: Barb. Randy: Look, you guys have a good time frig dancing. And Barb, your scalloped potatoes are f*cked. Jim Lahey: They're fantastic Barb. Ray: I'm not knocking Shitty buddy. But he's just a middle man. You should be making twice as much money. Bubbles: Well I know Ray, but Shitty drives a hard bargain. Ricky: Hey boys. Whoo. Hey boys. I plan on having a few drinks tonight. You guys want to get drunk with me? Julian: Bubbs. Bubbles: Ricky. Ricky: Hey buddy. f*ck, Lucy's baby is not going to be mine, cause she's being borned by Randy Dad. Ray: I know. Ricky: Love you buddy. Drinks tonight? Ray: Okay buddy. Ricky: f*ck, I almost forgot. I almost forgot. I sold some dope down at the bowling alley man. Don't tell anybody, alright. I got that for your mortgage payment. Julian: Ricky, I can't take this. Bubbles: Oh, he's down. He's down. Ricky: Dad, I love you buddy. Oh, I'm getting drunk tonight, I tell ya. [music]

J-Roc and his crew are cashing in by stealing luggage at the airport and selling the merchandise travelers's bring home from Europe, and Julian wants in. Ricky finally realizes he couldn't be the father of Lucy's baby and resolves to find out who she banged. No longer working with the boys, Bubbles takes up model trains as a hobby.

fd_The_Office_05x25

fd_The_Office_05x25_0

Michael: It's 4:30 in the morning. Do you know where your kids are? If you are Ryan's parents or Pam's parents or my parents, you do. They're gonna be in this van. With me. Who am I? Nothing to fear. I am just a 44 year old guy with a paper route. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [honking horn] Time to make the donuts. [laughs and drives away as Ryan tries to get in the van] Come on. Whoa! No, I promise I won't do it again. Come on. [does it again] De-nied! [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: We've been making 5:00 AM deliveries for a couple weeks now. Ever since I've gotten clean there's something about fresh morning air that... just really makes me sick. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hello! Time to make the donuts! Oh, Halpert! Whoa! Boner patrol. Arrest that man! Your donuts make me go nuts! [laughs] Hey Pam. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: We got the van at a used car lot. We think it says "Alleluia Church of Scranton." in Korean. It was either this or an old school bus with an owl living in it. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you, Michael? Michael: Milk and sugar. Pam: Oh, awesome. You're a life saver. [drinks from coffee cup] Wait, is this just milk and sugar? Michael: That's what I said. Pam: Do you drink this every day? Michael: Every morning. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: We're, uh, we're doing okay. A couple weeks in and, um, we're having fun. Uh, yep. We have 20-- of those. Pam: [an Asian lady tries to enter the van] Oh, oh, excuse me! Sorry. Sorry, no. It's, uh, it's a paper company now. It's not for the church. [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: Okay, who covers Bans Pet Grooming? Jim: Oh, they're my client. Charles: No, they were your client. They just called and told us they're switching over to Michael Scott Paper Company. Dwight: [sighs] Shame, Jim. I expected more. Charles: In the last month we have lost ten major clients to Michael Scott. Stanley: What are we supposed to do? They keep undercutting us on price. Charles: I don't want to hear excuses. I want to see improvements. This is unacceptable. Andy: Hey, Boss. Uh, I'd just like to point out that I have been here less time than these guys. Charles: Why are you telling me this? Andy: I just think the bar should be lower for a newbie. Charles: Is this something you really want to have said? Andy: I don't want to have said that. But I think it's important that you know it. [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: I don't know what to do to inspire these people. Okay, maybe it's my fault- Dwight: It's not your fault. Some people just don't want to be inspired. Charles: I wrote a memo to all departments asking them to find ways to save money but, uh-- Angela: Charles, I got your memo. Thank you. I want you to know I'm putting my foot down when it comes to expense reports. Waste not, want not. Charles: Uh, well said, Angela. Dwight: Been there, done that. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know what we need? We need some couches in here. Ryan: Michael, we should really consider getting a delivery guy. Michael: Oh, you know what you would love? Is if we built a loft. Pam: Why would I love that? Can we afford a delivery guy? Michael: Like in a dorm room. You put your desk underneath, you have your loft up top. You can sleep up top. Pam: Yeah, I know what a loft is. Ryan: Most dorm rooms don't even have that. Michael: Most do in the magazines. Ryan: Let's see what a delivery guy costs. Michael: We should look into that. Or we just go for the loft. [SCENE_BREAK] David Wallace: Would you let Charles know that David is here, please? Jim, hey. Jim: Hey, David. Dwight: David Wallace! Hello, we've been expecting you, David Wallace. Charles and I were waiting for you. Charles: There he is. There he is. How was the trip up? David: A lot better than a month at the Scranton Radisson, I'm sure. Charles: Oh, you know it hasn't been that bad. Hasn't been that bad. These people are the salt of the earth down here. You couldn't ask for a better way to learn a company. David: Hmmm. Charles: I feel like I should be thanking you. David: Uh. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [makes kissing, puckering sound] [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: The conference room is ready if we want to get started. David: You know, I just want to address everyone first. Charles: Oh yeah, take your time. Stanley, pay attention. David: Hi, everyone. Kelly: Hi. David: Hi. Uh, look it's no secret-- Kevin: Hi. David: Hello. Uh, it is no secret that Michael Scott Paper has siphoned off a large chunk of our core business. And I'm here-- I just want to assure everyone that we think this is just a temporary setback. Charles: Right. David: Okay? Phyllis: Maybe, and I don't know, if you had just returned Michael's call none of us would've lost clients. David: I've been wondering that myself lately. We're just gonna get started, we're gonna figure this out. Rest assured. Jim, can you come in with us please? Charles: Uh, Jim hold on. [whispers] You know, David, uh, Dwight's been my guy. Okay? David: Hmm. Charles: Yeah, Jim-- David: I find that extraordinarily surprising. Charles: He shows promise and Jim, I don't know-- I-- he's been a disappointment. David: We'll bring them both in. Charles: Okay, great. Uh, Dwight come on in. Also, Jim. Dwight: Come along, afterthought. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: How much can we afford to pay a delivery guy? Financial Guy: Well, if these numbers you gave me are correct-- Michael: They are correct, sir. Financial Guy: Then you can't afford to pay him anything. Michael: Okay. A lame attempt at humor. Swing and a miss. Financial Guy: Your prices are too low. Michael: Lowest in town. Financial Guy: Why do you think Staples and Dunder Mifflin can't match your prices? Pam: Corporate greed? Ryan: Look, our price model is fine. I reviewed the numbers myself. Over time with enough volume, we become profitable. Financial Guy: Yeah, with a fixed cost pricing model that's correct. Ryan: Yeah. Financial Guy: But you need to use a variable cost pricing model. Michael: Okay, sure. Right, so-- why don't you explain what that is to-- so that they can under-- just explain what that is. Ryan: Explain what you think that is. Financial Guy: Okay. Michael: Explain that. Financial Guy: As you sell more paper and your company grows, so will your costs. For example, delivery man, health care... Michael: Well, we don't-- Financial Guy: ...business expansion-- Michael: Whatever, yeah. Financial Guy: At these prices, the more paper you sell, the less money you'll make. Michael: Our prices are the only thing keeping us in business. Financial Guy: They're actually putting you out of business. Michael: Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on. Ty, I would like you to crunch those numbers again. Ty: It's a program. There's no such thing-- Michael: Just crunch 'em. Just crunch 'em please. Ty: [presses key on computer] Crunch. Pam: Did it help? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hi, Jerry. Michael Scott. Well, this is slightly embarrassing. [laughs] Um, I'm going to have to... ask you to pay me a little bit more money for that delivery we dropped off yesterday. Yeah. We did. We got the check, but we're just going to need a much, much bigger check. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: When a child gets behind the wheel of a car and runs into a tree, You don't blame the child. He didn't know any better. You blame the 30-year-old woman who got in the passenger seat and said, "Drive, kid. I trust you." [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Now, would corporate approve a temporary price reduction for returning customers? Charles: God, no. Dwight: Stupid. Yeah, makes us look weak. Charles: I agree. Dwight: I say we fill Michael's office with bees. My apiarist owes me a favor. Jim: Really? Does he do good work or-- Dwight: [scoffs] No, Jim. I use a bad apiarist. [sighs] David: Fellas, why don't we take a five-minute break and then we will come back, start fresh, sort this out. Dwight: Five minutes exactly. Charles: Okay. Hey, Dwight. Can I talk to you? Dwight: Sure thing. Charles: Yeah. Jim: [opens phone] Hey. I saw you called. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim : You're just out of business? Pam: We have maybe a month. I don't know what I'm gonna do. Jim: Oh, yeah, well don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. We'll be okay. Pam: That's what Michael said. Jim: Oh, yeah. Only this time we will be okay. [cell phone rings; Dwight's voice saying "Idiot, Idiot, Idiot"] Oh, that's my new "Dwight" ring. Pam: I like it. Jim: Good, right? Hello. Dwight: [over phone] Idiot, we're starting back up. This is Dwight, by the way. Jim: Oh, okay. [kisses Pam] Don't worry about it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died? Pam: Steve Martin's not dead, Michael. Michael: I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this. Pam: You want to hear something sad? Michael: I would love that. Pam: So Jim and I are getting married and the wedding's really expensive. So I tried to get a job on the weekends to earn extra money. I applied to Old Navy, Target and Wal-mart. None of 'em called me back. Not even for an interview. Ryan: I never went to Thailand. Pam: Really? Ryan: I went to Fort Lauderdale. Michael: Was it nice? Ryan: Yeah, it was amazing. There was a great Pad Thai place, though. Michael: I love Pad Thai. Ryan: You've never had Pad Thai. Michael: No. There's a lot I haven't done. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Now, this is the projection over three months? Charles: We still have the inventory sitting-- [everyone starts chattering at once] Dwight: Let me float something out there, okay? Can I just say-- can I say something? David: Yeah, yeah. Dwight: There is a hive of bees outside the front door. We kidnap the queen, extract her alarm pheromones, place them on a flushable wipe, put that in his bathroom. David: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the cheapest option... is to make Michael an offer. Charles: Yes. Yes, I was gonna say the same thing. We should buy him out. Jim: Oh, but you didn't. Dwight: Oh, Man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure. Charles: What is wrong with you? David: Jim, you're-- you're pretty close with him. You think they'd be up for hearing an offer? Jim: Oh, I don't know. You know, they've taken a good deal of clients, so-- David: Yeah. Jim: I mean I guess-- I guess I could go down there and try to nudge them in the right direction. Dwight: You know what? Why don't I do it, okay? Michael adores me. I'm the man for this job. Charles, you got my back on this? Charles: No, Jim... I think you should go. Jim: Okay, so I'll be back in, um-- back in a bit. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [knocking on door] Hmm? Jim: Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second? Michael: We're not hiring, Jim. Jim: Actually here for something else. Michael: Listen, I can't make you laugh right now. Jim: You know I love a good guessing game, but why don't I just tell you what I'm here for? Turns out you guys have made a pretty big dent in the Dunder Mifflin sales. Ryan: Oh, that's nice. Jim: David Wallace has asked me to come down here and see if you would be interested in Dunder Mifflin buying you out. Pam: Seriously? Are you being serious? Ryan: He's bluffing, Pam. Michael: Jim, what you don't understand is that this company's worthl-- Jim: Oh! Michael: No-- We don't have-- Jim: Oh! See I'm here to learn as little information as possible. All I really need to hear is if your incredibly successful company would be receptive to a buyout. Michael: [stammers] Uh... Yes. Pam: Yes. Ryan: Maybe. Jim: Three yeses. I will see you titans of industry upstairs. Michael: Yes, well, we're not only tight-ends, we are also quarterbacks. Jim: Missed the last part. Michael: That's a pun. Jim: Got it. Michael: Yep. Oh... wow. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Okay, so you are not going to reveal in any way that we're broke. Michael: Of course not. Ryan: That we're having any problem at all. Michael: Nope, nope, nope. Pam: Just to reiterate, none of us is going to say anything that might indicate that we are going broke. Michael: Right, right. There is no way in hell that I am going to say that we're broke. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh, I'm really worried that I'm going to say it. Pam: No, Michael. Michael: Ah... Ryan: No, man. You're-- you're fine. Pam: We have to come from a position of strength. Michael: I'm good, I'm good. Ryan: Just put it out of your mind. Michael: It is. I'm good. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hello. Erin: Hi. Michael: Michael Scott Paper Company to see Mr. David Wallace. I believe we're expected. [David and Charles walk out of conference room] Well, well, well. How the turntables... [SCENE_BREAK] David: Michael, in order to expedite these negotiations, we are prepared to make you a very generous offer. Michael: And we are prepared to reject that offer. Ryan: Michael, you haven't even heard-- Michael: Never accept their first offer. What is your second offer? David: $12,000. Michael: Are you kidding me? That is insultingly low. I don't even want to hear what your first offer was. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: What do you hear? Kelly: [mumbles] [SCENE_BREAK] David: Here's the situation. Your company is four weeks old. I know this business. I know what suppliers are charging. I know you can't be making very much money. I don't know how your prices are so low, but I know it can't keep up that way. I'm sure you're scared. Probably in debt. This is the best offer you're gonna get. Michael: I'll see your situation and I'll raise you a situation. Your company is losing clients left and right. You have a stockholder meeting coming up and you're going to have to explain to them why your most profitable branch is bleeding. So they may be looking for a little change in the CFO. So I don't think I need to wait out Dunder Mifflin. I think I just have to wait out you. David: Okay, now I don't know that I can get this. I do have to go to the board for approval. How's about $60,000. Hmm? $60,0000. Michael? Michael: [stutters] We'll have to talk-- Charles: What? Ryan: We'll have to talk about this. Pam: Mm-hmm. Michael: Just amongst ourselves. David: Okay, yes. Please take the room. Be right outside. Take your time. Michael: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Pam: $60,000. Michael: We are so rich. Pam: Are you kidding me? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Well, Jerry, the one who got away. May I ask why you're leaving the Michael Scott Paper Company? Really? Please hold. [gets up and runs to kitchen] Charles. Charles: Dwight. Dwight: May I have your attention? The Michael Scott Paper Company is broke. Charles: What? How'd you hear that? Dwight: They've been calling all of their clients and begging them to pay more money. That can only mean one thing. They're desperate. Which can only mean one thing. They're total failures. Jim: Great work Dwight. Dwight: Quiet you. Jim: No, I mean, great detective work. 'Cause this must be the first case you've ever cracked, right? Dwight: You don't crack a case. That has pejorative connotation. That's like calling a policeman a cop. You solve a case, and yes, I've solved plenty. Charles: So how long can they stay viable? Jim: What are your top five cases? Dwight: I'm gonna answer Charles first. Jim: Because you've solved zero cases. Dwight: Okay, one. Case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm. No footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Boom, case closed. Charles: Okay, do not go anywhere near the conference room. Dwight: Done. Charles: Because you have embarrassed me for the last time today. Got it? Dwight: I'm not-- I'm not following you. Charles: You two are morons. Jim: Got it. Dwight: Wh-- Charles: Get out. [SCENE_BREAK] David: So you've thought it over, yes, and you accept our offer. We can finally put this whole thing behind us? Hmm? Michael: No. Pam: Can you give us another minute please? David: Yeah. Charles: Oh, okay. Pam: Michael. Ryan: How could you do this to me, Michael? You just cost me $60,000. Pam: Why are you assuming you'd get the whole thing? Michael: It's a lot of money, okay. But we need money coming in every week. We need jobs. Wouldn't you rather have a fishing pole than a fish? Ryan: I would rather have $60,000, honestly. Pam: No, Michael's right. Jobs are safer. Michael: Agreed? Pam: Agreed. But that's all, okay. Ryan: Yeah, discuss these things-- Michael: Shut up, shut up. Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I want my old job back. I want my old parking space back. I want a Sebring. Charles: They don't make them anymore. Michael: And I want Charles gone. David: I am not firing Charles. He is very valuable. Charles: That's very kind of you to say, David. Michael: I need him gone. David: No. Michael: Okay, then I want Pam back. David: Uh, you already have a new receptionist-- Michael: Sales. Pam: Thank you. David: Pam's not a salesperson. Michael: Yes, she is. At the Michael Scott Paper Company in it's heyday. Pam: That's right. David: Okay. Please continue. Michael: And Ryan. David: Ryan cost Dunder Mifflin hundreds of thousands of dollars, Michael. Ryan is-- Michael: You know, David. I don't care if Ryan murdered his entire family he is like a son to me. David: Do you realize what you're asking for here? You're talking about salary plus health benefits-- Michael: And dental this time. David: Insurance, taxes, social security for three people. This is a heck of a lot more than 60 grand. You're talking about a multi-million dollar buy-out. Michael: These are our demands. David: Your company cannot be worth that much. Michael: Our company is worth nothing. That's the difference between you and I. Business isn't about money to me, David. If tomorrow my company goes under, I will just start another paper company. And then another and another and another. I have no shortage of company names. David: Michael-- Michael: That's one of 'em! Yes. These are our demands. This is what we want. Our balls are in your court. David: Okay. Deal. Okay? Michael: Can we have the room please? David: Yeah. [David and Charles leave room, Michael shuts the door and closes the blinds] Ryan: Yes, yes, yes! Pam: Alright! Michael: Yes! Can you believe it? That's what I'm talking about! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: There are certain defining moments in a person's life. The day he is born. The day he grows hair. The day he starts a business. And the day he sells that business back to Dunder Mifflin. What have I learned from all of this? It is far too early to tell. I just know that I am flying high and I don't even want to think about it. I just want to enjoy it. [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: Hey, guys-- Michael: No, no. You're done.

Jim learns Charles is a suckup while Charles finally recognizes Dwight's bizarre personality. Although Michael, Pam, and Ryan have landed a number of clients, they learn their company's business model will not sustain beyond a month and they will fail. Dwight learns about Michael's company's failure but Jim sabotages his plan of telling Charles. David Wallace investigates the seeming success of Michael's company, and Michael, Pam, and Ryan hide their failure long enough to engineer a buyout . Michael is given his old job back, and Pam and Ryan are given jobs in sales.

fd_Merlin_03x02

fd_Merlin_03x02_0

Dragon's den Merlin is lying on the ground, shivering with fever. Merlin: I didn't think you'd answer my call. Kilgharrah: Merlin, I could not resist a Dragon Lord, even if I wanted to. Merlin: I'm grateful. Thank you. Merlin tries to move, moaning with pain. Kilgharrah: Lie still. Merlin: Ow, my head. Kilgharrah: The Serket's poison is powerful. I have given you an enchantment that will help you heal. But it will take time. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chambers Arthur: Where is that half-wit? Gaius: Merlin? Arthur: I've got no socks, no breeches and an archery session to go to. Merlin! Gaius: I thought he was with you, sire. Arthur: Don't try to cover for him! Gaius: He didn't come home last night, I can't find him. Arthur: Well, when you do, you can tell him he's the target. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana sneaks through the castle and peeks around the corner at some guards. She sets fire to some brush and places it in a hole in the wall to fill the corridor with smoke. The guards leave the corridor. Morgana sneaks through to the King's chambers, wraps a string around the mandrake root and strangles it several times. Each time the root screams and Uther is more and more terrified. [SCENE_BREAK] Dragon's den Merlin is waking up. Merlin: You shouldn't have let me sleep. Kilgharrah: I had no choice young warlock. The venom was too strong even for your great powers. Merlin: I don't have time, I need to go back to Camelot. Merlin stands up with difficulty. Merlin: The Kingdom is in danger and... it's my fault. I should have listened to you. I should have never trusted Morgana. Kilgharrah: You did what you felt was right and that shows great courage. But trust is a double-edged sword. Merlin: I thought because she has magic, I thought ... we were the same. Kilgharrah: In some ways, you are. Merlin: No. I will never be like her. Kilgharrah: You have learnt an important lesson, Merlin. Your determination to see goodness in people will be your undoing. But I fear that your futures are now joined forever. She is the darkness to your light, the hatred to your love. Merlin: I need to get back to Camelot. Kilgharrah: You're not yet fully recovered, Merlin, and it's more than three days walk. Merlin (smiling): I've no intention of walking. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin is flying on the Dragon's back (Reference to the Titanic movie) Merlin: Woooo..... wooooooo! The dragon drops Merlin off in a field close to Camelot. Kilgharrah: This is as far as I go. Merlin: Thank you. I won't forget this. Kilgharrah: Be careful, young warlock. The great battle of Camelot has begun. You must be strong, for Arthur's destiny and the future of Albion lie in your hands. The dragon flies away. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chambers Gaius is asleep. Merlin shakes Gaius to wake him up. Merlin: You need to wake up. Gaius: Merlin? Where have you been? Merlin: I don't have time to explain. Gaius: Are you all right? Merlin: Morgana is in league with Morgause, she's plotting against Uther. Gaius: What? Merlin: She's responsible for his visions. Come on, hurry up. There is something I need to show you. [SCENE_BREAK] Uther's chambers The room is in a chaos, Uther is crouched in a corner. Gaius: Uther... Uther! Uther clings desperately to Gaius while he stares over Gaius's shoulder. Uther sees Ygraine; she looks like a sopping ghost, with five drowned children in the middle of the room Soaking ghost: Please! Merlin rushes to the bed, removes the root, and throws it into the fire. The mandrake screams in the fire. Gaius: It was an enchantment, sire. You need to rest. Merlin and Gaius carry Uther on his bed. Gaius: Please drink this, sire. It will help you to sleep. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chambers Merlin: We must tell Uther what Morgana has done. Gaius: Are you mad? He'd have both heads if we made such accusations, he'd look on it as treason. Merlin: We can't let her go away with it! Gaius: He dotes on her every word, Merlin. Merlin: But if he knew... Gaius: You've seen how blind he is to her faults. Besides, the root is gone now. It can do no more harm. Merlin: No, you don't understand. I heard Morgana and Morgause, there's more to their plan, I'm sure of it. [SCENE_BREAK] In a cave Morgause is looking in a crystal. Cenred's armies are marching towards Camelot. Sir Leon and a patrol are looking at the scene from the top of a hill. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers Merlin is opening the curtains. He discovers that the room is in a total mess. Merlin: What happened?! Arthur: What happened? I've has to make do without a servant, that's what happened! Merlin: I wasn't gone for that long! Arthur: Without my permission. Merlin: What if I was dying? Arthur: I wouldn't be complaining. But you're not. So where've you been? Merlin: I was dying. Arthur: I don't have time for this! The future of a kingdom rests upon my shoulders. Do you have any idea what that feels like? Merlin: Well... Arthur: Merlin! I should have you thrown in the dungeons, so what have you got to say for yourself? Merlin: You've not had your breakfast this morning have you? Arthur: I'll have you for breakfast. Arthur starts throwing things at Merlin's head. Merlin: It's no wonder this place is a mess. Oh yes, I can see you've got the makings of a great king (!). Arthur throws another object and Merlin ducks out of the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana's chambers Gwen: May I clear away the dishes, my lady? Morgana stares out the window, Arthur and Merlin are walking in the castle courtyard. Gwen: Morgana? Morgana: I was thinking about what to wear. She looks through the window again. Morgana: I must dress. [SCENE_BREAK] Uther's chambers Morgana is looking for the root under the bed. Gaius: Have you lost something my lady? Morgana: My earring. I thought I might have dropped it while I was here yesterday. How is he? Gaius: Much better. We found the source of his sickness. He was being enchanted. Morgana: Enchanted? Gaius: You need not to worry my lady. He'll make a full recovery. Morgana: That is a relief. Gaius: Indeed, my lady. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin is walking in a corridor. Suddenly, he is violently grabbed by the wrist. It's Morgana. Morgana: I don't know how you managed to escape but I do know one thing. If you breathe a word of what you saw, I will make your life a very short and painful one. Just think how Uther would react if he learnt that a serving boy tried to poison his beloved ward. [SCENE_BREAK] The Camelot's patrol is rushing back to the fortress. [SCENE_BREAK] Council chamber Sir Leon: I estimate they will reach the city within two days. Arthur: Under whose banner do they march? Sir Leon: Cenred's, sire. We knew he was amassing an army... Arthur: How many men? Sir Leon: 20,000, maybe more. Gaius: I feel the king's illness has spread beyond our borders. Cenred sees the opportunity. Sir Leon: Then we must find a way to appease him. Arthur: My father wouldn't bow to his enemies. Gaius: Forgive me sire, we are outnumbered, two to one. Arthur: What concessions will Cenred insist on? What territories will he demand? Gaius: We do not have to give him anything but it could buy valuable time. Arthur: It shows weakness, Gaius. There is only one course of action open to us. We must prepare the city for siege. Sir Leon: Are you sure this is wise? Arthur: The castle is our strongest weapon. No army has ever taken Camelot. Sir Leon: What about the people in the outlying villages? Arthur: Give them refuge within the city walls. Sir Leon: And what of their houses, their livelihoods? Cenred will destroy everything in his path. Arthur: But they will have their lives. Go. Ready the army. [SCENE_BREAK] Open gallery, castle courtyard Merlin: You did well in there. I mean it. I was impressed. We're talking siege engines, battering rams, catapults... you made a tough decision. You're risking... Arthur: Do you know what? Merlin: What? Arthur: I'd really prefer it if you'd just kept quiet in these situations. Merlin: I'm just trying to help. Arthur: Well, you're not. Merlin: I know you don't mean that, you're just worried. But you don't need to be. Look at what you've got. Arthur: What? Merlin: You and...me. Arthur: Merlin, what exactly are YOU going to do? Merlin: I'm going to be at your side like I always am. Protecting you. Arthur: God help me! [SCENE_BREAK] Countryside Cenred: My dear Morgause. Morgause: Cenred. Cenred: My army shall be here by nightfall. Morgause smiles. Cenred: I'm glad that pleases you. Morgause: I'll wait to see if you deliver before I say that I am pleased. Cenred: And when I do? Morgause: Then I will give you a feast that you will never forget. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers (Knock at the door) Gwen: I'm sorry, I didn't mean... Arthur: No. Come in. Please. Gwen: How is your father? Arthur: I could do with him here. Gwen: You should have more confidence in yourself. Arthur: What are the people saying? Gwen: They are glad that you have taken charge. Arthur: I've committed them to a siege. There's going to be casualties, Gwen. Gwen: I trust you, Arthur. More than Uther, more than any man. Worry is not a wise counsel. Forget everything else, you have to follow what you believe is right. Arthur places his hand over Gwen's. Gwen looks up at him and steps back Gwen: I should go, sire. Arthur: There's no need to call me that. Gwen: There is every need... SIRE. Gwen leaves the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle staircase Morgana is watching the soldiers, preparing for the siege before she sneaks out of the city [SCENE_BREAK] In the woods Morgana: Where have you been? Morgause: What's wrong sister? Morgana: It's Merlin. He's alive, he's back in Camelot. He has thwarted us. He destroyed the mandrake root. Your enchantment has been broken. Morgause: Do not worry. The root has already done its work and Cenred's army are less than a day from the city. Morgana: Then it is time. Morgause: Are you ready? Morgana, Cenred's army are mighty, but they cannot bring down the city on their own. You too, must play your part. Morgana: Tell me what I must do. Morgause holds out a staff Morgause: It was carved from the rowan tree that grows at the very heart of the Isle of the Blessed. Only the High Priestesses and their Bloodguards have ever set eyes on it. Morgana: My magic is still too weak. I do not have the strength to wield such an instrument. Morgause: Do not worry. The staff will guide you. It carries its own power. Morgana: I will not fail you. [SCENE_BREAK] Flows of peasants are walking into Camelot. [SCENE_BREAK] Griffin staircase Merlin is dragging heavy bags. Arthur: Merlin, where have you been? I've been calling for you. Merlin: Gathering provisions. 25 salted cod, 15 dried capers, and one smoked boar. Arthur: What on earth for? Merlin: We're preparing for a siege. Arthur: Yes, not a banquet. Merlin: You know what you're like without food. We could be trapped in here for weeks, months, even. Look what I've got for your breakfast. Your favourite... Pickled eggs. [SCENE_BREAK] In the other staircase, soldiers continue to prepare for the siege. Arthur walks through the infirmary giving instructions to Sir Leon. Arthur catches sight of Gwen and nods. [SCENE_BREAK] Courtyard gallery Arthur: Has everyone from the outlying villages been given shelter? Sir Leon: As best as we can, Sire. They amount to almost 9,000 so far, but they're still coming. Arthur: How long will our provisions last? Leon: Depends, sire, on losses sustained. Arthur: And Cenred? Sir Leon: Our scouts report he'll be upon us a matter of hours. [SCENE_BREAK] Uther's chambers Arthur sits by his father's bedside. Merlin comes in. Merlin: Sire. It's time. Arthur gets up and places his hand on his sleeping father. Arthur: I promise, I won't let you down. [SCENE_BREAK] On the battlements, Arthur and Merlin look out at the enemy. Then Arthur leads his knights past his army in the courtyard. In a lower chamber, Arthur steels himself as his knights prepare their weapons. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's Chambers Merlin helps Arthur on with his armour. He pulls too tightly on a strap. Merlin (whispering): Sorry. Arthur: It's not like you to get nervous, is it, Merlin? Merlin: I'm not nervous. Arthur: No? Merlin: Because I trust in your destiny. Arthur: Have you been on the cider? Merlin: It is your fate to be the greatest king Camelot has ever known. And your victory today will be remembered...by every age until the end of time. Just trust in yourself. Arthur: There are times, Merlin, when you display a sort of...I don't know what it is. I want to say...it's not wisdom. But, yes. That's what it is. Merlin smiles. Arthur: Don't look so pleased. The rest of the time you're a complete idiot. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana's Chambers Morgana watches the soldiers file out of the castle. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle Arthur walks past his soldiers and then raises his sword. Arthur: For the love of Camelot! Knights: For the love of Camelot! They go out to carry on preparing for the siege. [SCENE_BREAK] Cenred's army is marching towards the citadel. Cenred and Morgause are watching the scene. Cenred's soldiers are setting fire to ammunitions in trebuchets. Cenred: Fire! The fireballs are thrown. The first ones start falling amongst Camelot's soldiers. Uther wakes up and gets up from is bed. Meanwhile, troops are invading the lower parts of the city. The battle really begins, full of noise and fury. Uther wearing his armour arrives in the courtyard. He draws his sword and runs across the drawbridge. Sir Leon: Hold the line! ... Speaking to Uther...You need to go back, sire. Uther does not seem to understand; he walks past Sir Leon and reaches the front line. [SCENE_BREAK] Hospital Merlin comes in and catches a sight of Morgana. Merlin: Gaius, one of us needs to keep an eye on her. Gaius: Don't worry, I am. Merlin: You mustn't let her out of your sight. I need to get back to Arthur. [SCENE_BREAK] In the courtyard, a fireball falls near Merlin, he is knocked down. [SCENE_BREAK] Cenred's soldiers are using ladders to climb onto battlements. Cenred and Morgause are still watching the battle. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur and Uther are in the middle of the battle. Arthur catches a sight of his father. Arthur: Father! Arthur drags Uther away from the front line. Uther: What are you doing? Arthur: You are not well. Uther: This is my kingdom! Argh! Uther gets hit by an arrow and collapses in Arthur's arms. The barricade is overwhelmed. Arthur: Pull back! Retreat! Merlin arrives as Camelot's soldiers are retreating; enemies are climbing over the barricade. Merlin casts a spell: Forbearnan! The spell creates a wall of fire to block the enemies. [SCENE_BREAK] In the hospital, Morgana leaves the room. Gaius sees her leaving and he follows her. She goes to her chamber, she fetches the rowan staff from under her bed and hides behind a column while Gaius is looking around before leaving the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Courtyard Arthur is helping is father. U: You must get back, we are losing the lower town. Arthur: It's already lost, father. U: And the citadel? Arthur: Safe for now. U: It must stay this way. Arthur: You have to trust me father, I know what I am doing. Uther groans with pain as Arthur is pulling the arrow out of his leg. Arthur: You must rest. When you're well again, you will still have a kingdom, I promise you that. Merlin helps Uther to go to the infirmary. The battle is raging. [SCENE_BREAK] Coutryside Cenred: The lower town is ours! Morgause: That will hardly fill the pages of history. What of the citadel itself? Cenred: Their defences are strong. It is time for you to deliver your side of the bargain. Morgause: Patience, Cenred, you will not be disappointed. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle Morgana is making her way for the crypt of the castle. [SCENE_BREAK] Uther arrives in the hospital, helped by Merlin. Merlin: Where is Gaius? Gwen: I don't know. Gaius: Morgana's disappeared. [SCENE_BREAK] In the crypt, in the middle of tombs, Morgana smirks. Meanwhile, Merlin bursts into her chambers looking for her. Morgana pushes the staff into the floor. Merlin feels the jolt of magic. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgause feels the magic too, she looks satisfied. Cenred: Enough of your games, Morgause. What happened to your traitor? Morgause: For such a great king you have very little patience. Cenred: The time for patience is over! Morgause: You need not to worry much longer. No army can fight on two fronts. Not even the knights of Camelot. [SCENE_BREAK] In the crypt, the rowan staff is shooting beams at the tombs around. Outside, the battle is raging. In the crypt, skeletons start bursting out of the tombs. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle courtyard Arthur is helping a wounded soldier; there are things on fire everywhere. Arthur: Take him to hospital. He makes out Merlin walking down the steps. Arthur: Merlin! Where the hell have you been? Merlin: Nowhere! Arthur: You are starting to make a habit of this. What's your excuse this time? Merlin is gaping at something behind Arthur. Arthur: Come on Merlin, you can do better than that. Merlin is finger pointing something. Arthur turns to discover an army of armed skeletons walking towards him. Arthurs starts fighting against one of them, he stabs the skeleton. The skeleton shrugs and keeps fighting. Merlin starts fighting against another skeleton he chops its arm off. A knight takes on the one-armed skeleton while Merlin tries to slash the chopped arm on the ground. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur and Merlin are rushing in the griffin staircase. Arthur: You need to warn Gaius. Tell him to seal the hospital. They see the shadow of skeleton entering the castle. Arthur: Merlin! Do as I say! Merlin rushes up the steps while the skeleton is walking to fight against Arthur. [SCENE_BREAK] In the hospital Uther: I have to get out of there. Gaius: No, sire. You are still weak from the medicine I gave you. I told you that... Uther: I cannot watch my kingdom fall and do nothing. Gaius: Arthur will defend it. Merlin: Gaius? Gaius leaves Uther to talk with Merlin. Merlin: You have to seal off the hospital. The castle is under attack from within. Gaius: What are you talking about? Merlin: Morgana. She summoned an army of the dead. They're everywhere. Gaius: Where are you going? Merlin: To try and stop her. Wielding a sword, Merlin rushes downstairs to the crypt. [SCENE_BREAK] At the drawbridge, Camelot's soldiers are still fighting. Sir Leon moves back from the front line and turns to see the skeleton army walking towards him. Sir Leon: On me! Sir Leon starts fighting against a skeleton. [SCENE_BREAK] Hospital Arthur: We can't fight a battle on two fronts. Gwen: Keep still. Gwen bandages Arthur's hand. Arthur winces. Arthur: I don't know how much longer we can keep the citadel. We need to get my father to safety. Gaius: How? We no longer control the Lower Town. There is no escape, Arthur. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin arrives in the crypt, Morgana turns and looks at him. Morgana: You should leave now, while you still can. Merlin: Morgana, please, I BEG you. Women and children are dying. The city will fall. Morgana: Good. Merlin: No, you don't mean that. Morgana: I have magic, Merlin. Uther hates me and everyone like me. Why should I feel any differently about him. Merlin: You of all your people could change Uther's mind. But doing this, using magic like this, will only harden his heart. Morgana: You don't have magic, Merlin. How could you hope to understand. Merlin: I do understand, believe me. If I had your gifts I would harness them for good. That's what magic should be for. That's why you were born with these powers. Morgana: You don't know what it's like to be an outsider. To be ashamed of how you were born, to have to hide who you are. Do you think I deserve to be executed because of who I am? Merlin: No. It doesn't have to be like this. We can find another way. Morgana: There is no other way. Merlin backs up, walks behind a pillar and tries to dash on the other side to reach the rowan staff. Morgana hits him with her sword. Merlin gasps. Merlin: What are you going to do... kill me? Morgana: You don't think I can? Merlin: If you're going to do it, make it quick. Morgana tries to hit Merlin, he ducks and takes his sword. They fight. [SCENE_BREAK] At the drawbridge, Sir Leon and his troops are fighting caught between Cenred's army and the skeletons. [SCENE_BREAK] In the crypt the fight between Merlin and Morgana goes on. [SCENE_BREAK] At the drawbridge the battle rages. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana manages to disarm Merlin. He avoids her attack. Merlin ducks behind a tomb and casts a spell. Merlin: (Feoll bu brand.) The spell makes the vault roof collapse on Morgana who is knocked out. Merlin picks up the sword and runs to the rowan staff. He cast another spell. Merlin: Snee-des. He hits the rowan staff with the sword and breaks it. [SCENE_BREAK] In a corridor, Arthur is fighting against a skeleton that suddenly crumbles. [SCENE_BREAK] At the drawbridge, skeletons also crumble. Sir Leon goes back with the rest of the soldiers to fight Cenred's army. Camelot's knights are pushing back Cenred's army attack. [SCENE_BREAK] Cenred and Morgause are watching the battle, they look more and more disappointed. Cenred: Your traitor has failed us just as I knew they would. I'm calling off the siege. Morgause: You can't! Cenred: I cannot take the city unaided. That was not our bargain. Morgause: You have failed me, Cenred. Cenred: I would rather fail you, Morgause than watch thousands of men die. [SCENE_BREAK] Throne room Merlin: Sire. Arthur: What is it? Merlin: I need to tell you something about Morgana. Arthur: It's all right. We all know what happened. Merlin: You do? Uther: In my time we've won many battles, but none so important as this. Every man, every woman and child has performed their heroic best, and I thank you and I salute you all. Even before the battle, we knew there was a traitor in our midst, one who was almost the undoing of us. However we have to thank the one person who outwitted them, and who, almost singlehandedly, turned the battle. The lady Morgana... Morgana comes to meet Uther and the crowd applauds... Uther: For it was she, who very bravely entered the vault, found the magical vessel and destroyed it. We must be vigilant. We must stand firm against the dark forces of magic, and make sure that they never penetrate our walls again. During the king's speech, Morgana and Merlin keep staring at each other. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chambers Merlin: Why is Uther so blind of her true nature? Gaius: I don't know, Merlin. It is a mystery. But Morgana will try again. Merlin: I'll be ready for her. Gaius: You must be careful. Merlin: I'm not afraid of her, Gaius. Gaius: You should be. Merlin: All I feel for her is... sad. She's become so bitter, so full of hate. Gaius: Don't let that happen to you, Merlin. Merlin: Nothing could ever make me that angry. Arthur's distance voice shouting: Merlin! Arthurs enters. Arthur: Get your lazy backside out here. Merlin: On second thoughts... He gets up and Gaius smiles.

With Merlin gravely ill from the Serket's poison, Morgana and Morgause continue with their evil plan. They have mentally incapacitated Uther and convinced his enemy, Cenred, to invade Camelot. The fate of the kingdom now rests on Arthur's shoulders. The Prince and his Knights resist the invaders, but Cenred's soldiers are not the only threat they face. Morgana invokes a dead army that cannot be killed by normal means. Merlin fights Morgana and destroys her magical artifact, forcing Cenred to withdraw. But Morgana manages to make Uther believe it was her doing, and she's hailed as the heroine of the battle.

fd_Charmed_07x03

fd_Charmed_07x03_0

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Phoebe, Paige, Wyatt and baby Chris are there. Paige has put down five candles on the floor and starts lighting them. Wyatt is playing with his toys, while Chris is in his bassinet.] Paige: I have things to do too, you know. I have all these parents on my back right now. Oh, and my freshmen's potions class, let's see, I ordered five hundred dried toads. What did I get? Mm, five hundred wet ones. Phoebe: Look, Paige, it's just really hard for me to get on board with this when Piper, the actual mother, is totally against doing the wiccaning. Paige: That's what Grams is here for. To convince her. Look at Wyatt. He didn't have one until he was six months old and he almost turned evil. (about Chris) Now, look at that little sweet face. You want a repeat of that? Phoebe: No, of course I don't. Paige: "Hear me now, hear my cry, spirit from the other side, cross now the great divide. (Grams appears with her back turned in a swirl of bright lights. Apparently she was in the middle of a conversation.) Grams: You mean she is still lying about her age? (She chuckles.) Um... wh... (She turns to face the girls.) Not a good time, girls. I'm busy. Paige: You're dead. Grams: Well, it doesn't mean I can't have a life. Ah, well, alright. (She steps out of the candle circle and becomes corporeal.) Phoebe: Hi. (She hugs Phoebe.) Grams: Hello, darlings. (She hugs Paige.) Aw, sweetie. Oh, so, what brings me down here? Paige: A wiccaning for your great grandson. Phoebe: Providing Piper doesn't kill us first. Grams: A wiccaning? I thought we already did that. Paige: Not for baby Chris. (Grams looks at baby Chris.) Grams: Uh, help me out here. Last time I knew he was a six-foot Whitelighter. Phoebe: Yeah, that was Chris from the future, this is baby Chris now. Piper and Leo had this night. Do you really need us to explain this to you? Or can you just be happy to see him? (Grams picks up baby Chris.) Grams: Wyatt has a little baby brother. Oh, aren't you sweet. So, um, when does Piper want to do this? Phoebe: Well, technically, never. Grams: Nonsense. You can't deny this child his ancestral blessings. It's a witch's compass for good. I mean, who knows what terrible evils could befall him otherwise. Paige: See, now that's the kind of stuff that Piper needs to hear. (Chris's pacifier orbs out of his mouth and into Wyatt's hands.) Grams: Wyatt, don't pick on your little brother like that. Now give it back. (The pacifier orbs back into Chris's mouth. Wyatt orbs out.) What was that all about? Paige: He's fine. He probably just orbed himself up to his room. Phoebe: He's having a hard time right now. His dad's never around, his little brother's getting all the attention, he's constantly being chased by the underworld, you know. Grams: Well, I'm afraid he just going to have to get used to it. Phoebe: He's two. Grams: Right. Okay. (She gives Chris to Phoebe.) I'll go up and apologise. (Grams goes upstairs.) Phoebe: Still think this was a good idea? (Paige pokes out her tongue.) [Cut to Wyatt's room. Wyatt is sitting in his bed with his force field surrounding him. A masked demon is standing over him. Grams walks in and gasps.] Grams: Girls! (The masked demon throws a lightning bolt at Grams knocking her into the hallway. Wyatt cries. Phoebe and Paige run in.) Paige: Shelf! (The shelf orbs off the wall. The masked demon shimmers out before the shelf lands on him.) Grams: Looks like I didn't get here a minute too soon. Opening Credits [Scene: P3. Piper is there talking on the phone.] Piper: Oh, no, that's okay, Jerry, just, you know, get here whenever you can. Okay, thanks, bye. (An employee, Rex, walks over to her.) Rex: Are you okay, Piper? Piper: Yeah. Why? Rex: Well, a beer shipment delayed so close to the weekend, just figured there'd be more fireworks. Piper: Oh, no, it's no big deal. We'll just charge more for the ginger ale. I'm kidding. Rex: See, there you go again. I don't know what, but something's going on. Piper: No. You know how people just leave things up to a higher power? Well, I'm trying to live my life without any powers. Makes for a lot less stress. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Piper. Piper: Until now. (Rex walks away.) Phoebe: What's that face for? Your sister can't come by without there being something wrong? Piper: What's up? Phoebe: Nothing. Nothing's up, you know. Why would you think anything is up? I just came by to tell my sister that I finally won a readers choice award. Piper: Congratulations. Phoebe: Thanks. Yeah, maybe there's one more thing, you know. Something happened today after we summoned Grams. Piper: What? What? Why, did you summon Grams? Phoebe: For Chris's wiccaning. It was Paige's idea, not mine, don't blame me. Piper: What did I say? I don't want any magic. Look, I know my kids can't have a completely normal life, but I've gotta give it a shot. Phoebe: Yes, absolutely, and I think we should start tomorrow, because, uh... A demon attacked Wyatt. Piper: And you wait until now to tell me? Phoebe: I didn't want to worry you. He's okay, Piper. [Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper walks in through the front door.] Piper: Leo! Grams: Oh, hi, sweetie, how are you? Piper: Don't you sweetie me. Where are the boys? Grams: Oh, they're both perfectly fine. Paige took them to Magic School. Piper: Leo, now! (They walk up the stairs to the second floor.) Leo! Grams: Honey, are you sure you want him down here? I mean, considering that he can't even tell good from evil anymore. Well, you know, lost soul and all. Oh, uh, Paige filled me in. Piper: Okay, first of all our children's safety is Leo's number one priority, no matter how lost he may be. Leo! (Leo orbs in.) Leo: What's the matter? What happened? Piper: A demon attacked Wyatt. He's okay, he's at the school. Leo: What kind of demon was it? Grams: No idea. It had some sort of creepy mask. Oh, and it struck me down with a lightning bolt. Piper: I can't believe this is happening. I can't do this again. Leo: Don't worry, I'm gonna go back down there and I'm gonna find out who it was. Grams: Down there? As in the underworld? Hang out there a lot, do you? Leo: Best place to vanquish demons, isn't it? (Leo orbs out.) Grams: Listen, Piper, far be it for me to meddle. Piper: Then don't. Because you're already pressing your luck being here in the first place. Yeah, I know about the wiccaning. (They walk up the stairs into the attic.) Grams: I don't know why you're being so stubborn about it. I mean, what better way to ward off demon attacks. Piper: Demon went after Wyatt not his brother. Grams: Well, all the more reason to protect Chris. Piper: Except for the fact Wyatt's wiccaning didn't really protect him now, did it? Aside from the fact that it almost destroyed you, or do you not remember your friend, the Necromancer? I just need to find out who the hell is after my son. [Scene: Magic School. Paige's office. Paige, a young teacher, Wyatt and Chris are there. Chris's blanket orbs into Wyatt's hands.] Paige: I saw that, Wyatt, you give that back to your little brother while I find out who's trying to kill you. Ben: Well, whoever it is can't get to him here. These guys are protected. Paige: Yes, Wyatt is, but his little brother is not so protected from him. Ben: It's gotta be tough for him. He's a new kid on the block, suddenly he's yesterday's news. Paige: Spoken like a true older brother. (Suddenly, a stack of papers appear in the in-tray on the desk.) Student progress reports. But the year hasn't gone on long enough for there to be any progress. Ben: Afraid I can't help you with that, Miss Matthews. But I did find something on masked demons. (He shows her a book.) Paige: Paige, please. What do you got? Teacher: A couple of possibilities. Could be an Aztec demon, Chinese false face demon. Any of those look familiar? Paige: No, Ben, I'm sorry, they don't. When I took this job I had no idea just how much work there would be. (Wyatt orbs Chris out of his bassinet.) Who knows what I'm letting slip through the cracks. Ben: I think I just found the first thing. Paige: What? Ben: Your nephew. Paige: Wyatt, where did you orb your little brother? [Cut to the manor. Foyer. The doorbell rings. Piper is on the phone walking towards the front door.] Piper: No, Paige, he's not here. Where the hell is he? (Piper opens the door and Victor is there holding baby Chris.) Victor: I hope this is yours because it sure isn't mine. Piper: Thank god. I got him. (She hangs up. Victor hands Chris to her.) Piper: Hi there, you. And you. Victor: Hi. I stepped up on the porch and all of a sudden the little guy just flies into my arms. Piper: Yeah, his brother orbed him from Magic School. Victor: Oh, is that normal? Piper: Has been lately. (They walk into the parlor where Grams is sitting.) Grams: Victor, what are you doing here? Victor: And a big hello to you too, Penny. I was invited for a wiccaning. Grams: Oh, sorry. Wiccanings are only for magical family members. Victor: That's not what Paige says. Grams: Well, Paige doesn't know all the rules. Piper: Okay, I can see this is gonna go really well, but it really doesn't matter who was invited because there isn't going to be a wiccaning. Paige seems to think that if she crams enough family members down my throat that I'm gonna give in, but it's not gonna work. Because nothing is working. There is some creepy ass demon after my son, and now Wyatt wants to orb his brother all over creation for god only knows what reason. Victor: Well, isn't that just boys being boys? I mean, there's always going to be sibling rivalry? Piper: No, actually, it's not. This is not them fighting over toys. They nearly kill each other in the future. Grams: You know, there's an easy way to nip this thing in the butt. Piper: And what would that be exactly? [Time lapse. Attic. Piper, Grams and Victor are looking through boxes.] Piper: Snakes and Ladders, a very unfortunate halter top. But I don't see a little black book. Victor: I do. (He holds it up. Grams snatches it off him.) Grams: Thank you. Victor: Don't want me looking up the old boyfriends, huh? Grams: They were in a much bigger book, thank you. Now, these contain spells I used to use on the girls when they were younger. Victor: You used spells on my daughters? Grams: Oh, every now and then. Hey, you try raising three girls by yourself. Keeping them in line. How else was I gonna stop them from misbehaving? Victor: Gee, I don't know. By talking to them? Grams: Talking? Piper: Hey, how's about we just find that damn spell. How's that sound? Grams: That's your answer for everything, isn't it? I was essentially a single parent. Patty was dead and it's not as if you were ever around. Victor: You wouldn't allow me to be. Piper: Okay, do I need to find something to separate you two? (Piper snatches the book off Grams.) Grams: You know, your daughters only ended up saving the world every other week. Believe it or not, it might have had something to do with the way I raised them. Piper: Found it. Spell to resolve sibling rivalry. Grams: Oh, good, good. I'll get the boys and you call your sisters. We'll get rid of the rivalry and then you can use the power of three to vanquish the demon, okay. Piper: Great, more magic. Grams: Do you have any other suggestions? [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Les is there talking on the hands free phone while playing golf. Phoebe walks in.] Phoebe: I have a suggestion. The next time Ask Phoebe wins an award, you should probably try calling Phoebe. Les: Let me get back to you, Diane. (He hangs up.) Sorry, research. So what's going on? Phoebe: Uh, did you just hear what I said? Les: Yeah, I wasn't trying to snake the award from you. I was actually gonna accept it on your behalf because I was under the now great mistaken impression that you were actually taking some time off. (The phone rings.) Uh, just one second. (He answers it.) Yeah, this is Leslie. Hey, Rachel. Phoebe: Hm, research? Les: No, this is personal. Yeah, can I call you back? Great. (He hangs up.) Where was I? (He continues with his golf. Phoebe puts her foot on the green.) Phoebe: You were making some lame excuse about how you were about to accept an award for something you didn't write. Les: Actually, I did write it. (He hands her the article.) Phoebe: Oh. Congratulations. Les: You know, Phoebe, when I write these columns, I'm really trying to channel you... and your vibe. Phoebe: Spare me the false humility. Les: Yeah, it was pretty false. Well, look, why don't we go to this thing together? It's today, it's not too late. You can go and accept the award yourself. Phoebe: No, I think that you should go accept and maybe bring one of your phone pals with you. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Grams and Victor are waiting there. Paige orbs in with Wyatt.] Paige: Okay, let's make this quick. I have four real angry parents waiting for me in the office. Victor: Well, there's my other grandson. Grams: Come along, darling. (She takes Wyatt's hand.) I need you to stand by your little brother. (She takes him over to Chris's bassinet.) Right there. Victor: You do know what you're doing, right? Grams: Paige, dear, we're getting our wiccaning. Piper: I said maybe. We have a few more pressing issues to deal with at the moment. Paige: Mm, what changed your mind? Piper: Nothing. Although it's getting harder and harder to say no with the arrival of a new family member every five minutes. Grams: Alright, are you two ready to finally get along? "Cast your petty jealousies to darkest night, let these feuding siblings no longer fight." (A blue cloud rises above Wyatt and Chris.) Paige: Okay, shouldn't those stop now? Piper: Grams, are you sure this is the right spell? (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Warn me never to go on sabbatical again. (The blue light hits Piper, Phoebe and Paige. They start acting like children.) Because that Leslie is such a jerk-face! Paige: Oh, please, you so like him. Phoebe: I do not. Piper: Do too. Phoebe: I do not, Piper. Paige: You so like him. Phoebe: I do not, Paige. Piper: Do too. Phoebe: I do not, Piper. Piper: Why don't you just marry him already. (The masked demon appears behind Wyatt.) Phoebe: Why don't you just marry Leo? Piper: 'Cause I already did. (Wyatt's force field surrounds him. The demon touches the force field and is knocked backwards.) Grams: Girls, he's here. Piper, blast him. (Piper screams.) Girls. (The girls run out of the attic. Grams sends an athame flying towards the masked demon. He disappears.) Victor: Anymore great ideas? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Stairs. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Grams are walking down them.] Phoebe: I am so out of here. Piper: Phoebe, do not go out that front door. Phoebe: Try and stop me. Piper: Phoebe! (Piper accidentally blows up a pot plant.) Phoebe: Geez, blow my head off why don't you. Piper: Oh, come on, it was an accident. Grams: Paige, no one leaves this house until I reverse that spell. Piper: Phoebe, don't. Grams: I mean it, Paige. Paige: Sayonara. (Paige orbs out.) Grams: Paige. Phoebe, Phoebe, don't you are leave this house. Phoebe: Why not? Paige did. Piper: That doesn't count. She's probably went to Magic School. Phoebe: Yeah, well, I'm going to the Reader's Choice awards. Grams: Phoebe, you've got more important things to worry about than some silly award. (Phoebe leaves.) Piper: Way to go, Grams. Grams: Piper, don't be rude. Piper: Look, it's not my fault it's only the stupidest book ever, and you said the stupid spell would work and it didn't. So you know what? (Piper continues to ramble on. Victor comes down the stairs with Wyatt and Chris.) Grams: "Let this girl, quick as a sneeze, stop this snit and quickly freeze." (Piper freezes.) That's better. Victor: Why is my daughter a statue? Grams: She's fine. She'll thaw out in a minute. Victor: How do I know she won't be this way forever? That it won't backfire like your last brilliant spell. (They walk into the dining room.) Grams: Have you heard a peep out of those boys? No. Because the spell worked. Pulled the rivalry right out of them. Unfortunately it went into the nearest set of siblings. In this case, the girls. Anyway, they know everything that's going on in their adult lives. The only difference is they're not adults. Victor: Just tell me how to get them back to normal. Grams: Easy. I just have to figure out a reversal spell, hopefully before the demon returns. And we've got to get the boys to Magic School, they'll be safe there. Victor: Fine. Tell me how to get there. Grams: You don't. Magic School is not for mortals. Victor: Well, they'll just have to make an exception, won't they? Grams: Forget it, Victor. Call Leo. He'll take them. Victor: Leo! [Scene: Underworld. Seer's Cave. Leo is hiding in the shadows. The Seer waves her hand above a large pool of water.] Seer: Kind of an odd place for an Elder to visit. Then again, the word is, you can't get enough of the dark side these days. Leo: Someone from the underworld is after my son. I want to know who. Seer: You mean, a demon? Nah. I don't think so. They know better by now. Leo: Obviously somebody doesn't. Seer: Tell me. What makes you so sure it's not an Elder? Someone who thinks that maybe your friend Gideon was right. (He grabs her by the throat.) Leo: No other Elders are gonna die by my hands. I can't say the same thing for demons. Seer: Can you even tell the difference anymore? (He throws her across the room.) You know, I'm kind of liking this new side of you. It's not as goopy. Leo: Last time, who's trying to kill my son? Oracle: You want an answer? You'll find it in there. (He watches as the pool of water forms a face. Leo's face.) Looks like the only threat to your son is you. (He grabs her by the neck.) Leo: No! You lie! Oracle: The pool never lies. (He lets go and she drops to the floor.) [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper and Grams are sitting at the table. Piper is fanning herself with a notepad.] Grams: Okay, try this. "Words that cast a sibling glow..." Piper. Piper: What? I told you I'm not doing this. I'm not writing anything down, I'm not doing magic. (She throws the notepad onto the table.) Grams: Do you remember the first time you were this age, when I sat you and your sisters down and we had the talk. Piper: Grams, I already know all about s*x, and no offence but I don't want to talk about with you because that's really gross. Grams: No, not the s*x talk, silly. The witch talk. Piper: So what did you tell us? Grams: That my being a witch was such an important part of my life and what it meant to me, and what it might mean to you someday. Piper: Did you tell us that Prue and mum were gonna die? That Leo was gonna lose his marbles. Or that demons were gonna be chasing after us all the time everywhere. Grams: Piper, I didn't know any of those things were going to happen. But if I did, I would've done everything in my power to stop it. (They hug.) I'd like to think that being a witch gave you the inner strength you needed to deal with all those sadness's in your life. Did you ever think about that? Piper: No. (Leo orbs in.) Leo: You called? Piper: No. But hi. Grams: Victor called you. He's in the other room. (Piper gets up.) Piper, where are you going? (They follow Leo into the conservatory.) Leo: What's up? Victor: Oh, hey, Leo. Hey, you don't look so good. Piper: You know what, dad? You could try maybe being a little bit nice to Leo. What do you think, huh? Leo: Piper, are you okay? You don't seem... Grams: Oh, she's fine. We're fixing it. Victor: Leo, we need you to take the boys to Magic School for their safety. Grams: Do you have a problem with that? Never mind, we'll, uh, we'll just keep them here. Leo: I can take them. Grams: You don't look like you can. Leo: What are you saying? Grams: I don't know what's wrong with you, Leo. Leo: Nothing's wrong with me. (Leo takes Chris from Victor and holds Wyatt's hand.) Grams: Where are you going? Leo: To protect my children. (Leo orbs out.) Piper: You know, I don't understand why you guys have to be so mean to Leo, you know. In case you haven't heard, he's kind of going through a hard time right about now. I mean, geez! (Piper storms off.) Grams: We've got to turn these girls back fast. I'm gonna finish the spell and get Paige. Uh, make yourself useful, okay? Get Phoebe. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Reader's Choice awards. A waitress carrying a tray of wine glasses walks past Phoebe.] Phoebe: Oh, I'll take one of those. (She takes a glass.) This is so cool. They didn't even card me. (Les walks up to her.) Les: Didn't expect to see you here. Phoebe: Yeah, well, I changed my mind 'cause it's my award and I'm not gonna share it with anybody, so there. Les: Phoebe, are you drunk? (A man stands behind the podium.) Man: If I could please have everyone's attention. This year's winner of the San Francisco Reader's Choice award for single best column is, The Bay Mirror's Phoebe Halliwell. (Phoebe giggles.) Les: Hey, it's not too late. If you still want me to go up there for you I can. Phoebe: Yeah, nice try. (Phoebe goes up on stage and takes the award.) Thank you. Wow. I mean, this is so awesome. This is so, like, totally, amazingly awesome. Really, totally awesome. Thanks. (The crowd applauses. A woman stands up.) Woman: In your column... Phoebe: Yes, you mean the bestest column in all the world. Woman: (unsure) Yes. You gave great advice to that woman. I'm just curious, was it based on something that happened to you? Phoebe: Um, yeah, actually, it did happen to me, it was very sad. Okay, next question. Woman: Wait, wait. Would you mind telling me what that thing was? Phoebe: You mean what, you mean what happened to me? (Leslie walks up to the stage.) Les: It was actually something that happened to me. If I could answer the question. Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Les: I'm lucky enough to have worked with Phoebe at the paper. Anyway, a few years back this girl, she dumped me, and I was really broken up about it, 'cause I thought she was the one, you know. And the whole thing made me gun-shy about relationships. So anyway, Phoebe takes me aside one day and she says, she says let me tell you about the one. The one is the person who sees you for the idiot you are but they still want you in their life. That's the one. And I told her, I said Phoebe, I think that's great advice, and not just for me. And I guess that's really how it got in her column. (The crowd applauses.) Phoebe: Thank you, yeah, that's what happened. Thank you. (They walk off the stage.) Oh my god, oh my god, Leslie, thank you so much. (She jumps up and hugs him and wraps her legs around his waist.) I was so scared up there and I was so nervous that I thought I was going to hurl. Les: You're welcome. Are you alright? You still seem a little... (She stands back on the ground.) Phoebe: Yeah, I'm fine. I can't believe I just hugged you. I have to go. (She rushes off.) [Scene: Magic School. Classroom. Ben is teaching a class. Paige stands at the doorway.] Paige: Ben? Ben: Miss Matthews. Paige: Yeah, stop calling me Miss Matthews. Paige. Ben: Okay, uh, Paige, is there something that I can help you with? Paige: I would actually like to talk to you for a little bit if I could. (They go into the hallway.) Ben: Paige, what's going on? What did you call me out here for? (She kisses him.) Paige: That. Oh my god, how old are you, anyway? Ben: Twenty-one. Paige: Okay, big mistake. No. One kiss, okay? Shh. That's it. We're not going to second base. Ben: Oh, come on. (Grams walks up to them.) Grams: She said no. Robbing the cradle, you should be ashamed of yourself. Come on, dear. Time to grow up. Paige: I'll dream about you. [Cut to the main hall. Leo, Wyatt and baby Chris are there. The masked demon appears beside Wyatt's playpen and Wyatt's force field surrounds himself. Leo throws a lightning bolt at the masked demon and he hits the wall. Streams of lightning shoot out of their hands meeting in the middle. After a while, Leo's lightning over powers the demon's and the demon is knocked backwards. His mask falls off and reveals his identity. It's Leo.] Leo: What? (Paige and Grams rush in. Demon Leo disappears.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe is sitting at the table writing "Leslie is Hot!" on a notepad and chewing gum. Victor is standing by the door watching her. Phoebe picks up her cell phone and dials a number.] Les' Voice: This is Leslie. Hello? Hello? (She hangs up. Piper walks in.) Piper: Alright, give it to me. I'm calling him myself. Phoebe: No, don't you dare. Piper: Phoebe, do you want to know if he likes you or not? Phoebe: Yeah, but... Wait! If he asks, I'm not here, okay, I'm not even in the house anywhere. Piper: Okay, already. Phoebe: Okay. (Piper starts dialling.) Piper: (sings) Phoebe and Leslie sit in the tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. (Phoebe grabs her.) Phoebe: Hey! (Paige, Grams, Wyatt and baby Chris orb in.) Grams: Stay here, protect the boys. (to Victor) You, come with me. (Grams and Victor walk into the kitchen.) Close the door. (He does so.) I found the demon who's after Wyatt. Victor: You did? When? Where? (Leo orbs in.) Grams: There he is! Leo: No, you're making a huge mistake. Grams: Get out of here, Leo. I'm warning you. Victor: Penny, what the hell are you talking about? Grams: I saw this monster attack Wyatt at Magic School. Leo: That wasn't me. Grams: Well, he sure as hell looked like you. Leo: I know it did. Look, I can explain. It must have been some kind of shapeshifter or something. Grams: I don't know any shapeshifters who can get into Magic School or any who have Elders powers. Victor: Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you saying? Leo: He attacked me, remember? I was trying to protect Wyatt. [Cut to the conservatory. The girls are sitting at the table.] Grams' Voice: Yes, from yourself. Phoebe: I hate it when they fight. Piper: That's because this stupid magic is ruining our lives. Phoebe: It's already ruined mine because now Leslie knows I like him, and I can never leave the house again. Piper: Shh, shh, shh. [Cut to the kitchen.] Leo: This is my son we're talking about. I would never hurt him. Grams: Just like you would never hurt an Elder? Or kill one? Leo: Who are you talking about? Grams: I think you know who I'm talking about. Gideon. Victor: Look, I don't care what you say, Leo's right. He would never hurt his son. Grams: And how would you know? Victor: Because I'm a father. Grams: Victor, you have absolutely no idea what the magical world is capable of. Leo: He may not have an idea but I do. I am not capable of that. Grams: No? Even after all you've been through? Look at yourself. Is it so hard to believe that maybe some dark alter ego of yours might be acting on your true feelings? Leo: What true feelings? Grams: That maybe deep down inside you think Gideon was right. Your son doesn't belong in this world. Leo: That's ridiculous. Grams: Is it? And how else do you explain what happened? Where else could that demon have come from? (Leo orbs out.) Change of plans. We're not reversing the rivalry spell. At least not yet. Victor: Why not? I thought... Grams: No, listen. If adult Piper were to find out that Leo was trying to harm Wyatt, it would devastate her. She wouldn't be able to fight him off. Victor: We're talking about my daughter here, so I get a say in this. Grams: No, with birthdays and holidays you get a say. With magic and demons, what I say goes. Now if you'll excuse me. [Time lapse. Attic. Grams is putting Crystals around the room. Victor walks in.] Victor: I told the girls to stay downstairs until we settled this. Grams: There's nothing to settle. Now if you don't mind, I'm demon proofing the attic. I want to keep the children safe. Victor: Wait, believe it or not, I really appreciate what you've done for my daughters. Grams: Buttering me up won't do you any good. I'm not reversing the spell. Victor: I don't expect you to. But I do expect you to understand that even though I couldn't be there when they were growing up, I'm here now. And just like you, I want to do what's best for them. Grams: We already are. Victor: No, we're not. And since I wanna reverse the spell and you don't, I think we should bring in a third party to break the tie so to speak. Grams: A third party? Who'd you have in mind? Their mother? (Grams chuckles. Victor joins in.) Victor: Yes, that's exactly who I had in mind. Do it. Grams: Oh, alright. But she's not going to side with you, you know. (Grams waves her arm and Patty appears in a swirl of bright lights.) Patty: Mum. Victor. Victor: Wow, Patty, you look great. Grams: Oh, stop trying to sweet talk her. Patty: What's going on? [Scene: Underworld. Seer's Cave. Leo walks out of the shadows.] Seer: There's nothing more I can tell you about the demon. Leo: You can tell me where he came from. I have to know, did it come from me? Tell me. Seer: Oh, what's the matter? Are you in pain? Leo: Please... Seer: See, I have a problem. You kind of have a temper. And if I don't tell you then, well, you'll probably choke me to death. And if I do tell you and you don't like the answer, well, then you'll probably choke me to death. Leo: I won't hurt you. Seer: Yeah, that's not much of a guarantee. But you could swear on the head of your precious son. Leo: Leave him out of this. Seer: There's that temper thing. Leo: I'm not leaving here until I get an answer. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Grams and Victor are arguing.] Grams: I'm telling you, she would never get over it. Her own husband trying to kill their child? Victor: Oh, bull. We don't even know that it's Leo. Patty: Mum. Grams: What if it is? You trust Leo to look after those boys? Victor: Better than keeping them locked up in the closet. Patty: Okay, guys! Grams: Can I just say here... Patty: No. Victor's right. Grams: Patty. Patty: No, mum. We have to reverse the siblings spell and get the girls back to being adults so that they can vanquish this thing. Whoever it is. Grams: But the danger to Piper. Patty: She's in more danger if we don't. Grams: Listen, Patty, I know these girls. I've been with them every step of the way. Patty: But we're their parents. Grams: Oh. Oh, well, then fine. Patty: Mum. Grams: I can see I'm not needed here. Patty: No, come on, come on, I... (Grams disappears.) Victor: She always was a bad loser. Patty: Yeah, she'll get over it. By the way, Victor, I have a question. Why'd you call on me to settle this? Victor: Girls were in trouble and, um, you were the only person I could think of dead or alive. Patty: Oh. Still, it was teenage trouble. It's kind of unfamiliar territory for us. Victor: Look, I know we had our troubles but I think that if we've been given the chance, we had done a really good job raising those girls. You wanna see them? Patty: Are you kidding? Wait, wait, wait. When you said the girls reverted, what exactly did you mean? Victor: You'll see. [Time lapse. Parlor. Patty and Victor walk down the stairs. The girls rush over to Patty.] Phoebe: Mummy! Piper: Hi! Phoebe: Hi, mummy! (They all hug her at once.) Mummy, let's sing a song, okay? Patty: I see the problem. Victor: Well, there's another problem. Your mother took the reversal spell. Patty: That's okay, I've got one of my own. Okay, girls, calm down. Phoebe: Mummy, I met this boy and he's really, really cute. Patty: We'll talk about the boy later. And everything else. 'Cause we've got so much to catch up on. But right now I need you girls to stand over there. Piper: Is Leo a demon... Patty: Now! Piper: Okay. She said now, Phoebe! Phoebe: I heard her, Piper. Patty: Okay, okay. Piper: Today, Phoebe. (They stand in a line.) Phoebe: You're so bossy. Patty: "Reverse the spell from the book, and please restore what was... took." I made it up when I was nine. (A blue cloud rises out of the girls and enters Wyatt and baby Chris.) Victor: So how's this work exactly? You remember everything that happened? Phoebe: Oh my god. Yes. Leslie. Paige: Oh my goodness, I tongued a student. Victor: Piper, there's something I've gotta tell you about Wyatt and Leo. Piper: No, dad, I already know, and you're right, Leo would never hurt Wyatt. Paige: We overheard everything you guys were talking about. Piper: Okay, let's go. We've got a demon to kill and a child to save. (The girls go upstairs.) Patty: That's our girl. [Time lapse. Nursery. It's dark. Wyatt is asleep in his bed. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are sitting in the corner of the room.] Piper: Are you sure this is going to work? Paige: How many times are you gonna ask me that? Piper: Sorry, I'm just nervous. I just wish we knew what the hell was going on. Paige: Yeah, well, whatever's going on, I'm pretty sure the demon has something to do with Leo. What? I'm just saying. Phoebe: Do you ever wonder what it would've been like if mum and dad both raised us? Piper: All the time. (Demon Leo appears beside Wyatt's bed. The girls get up.) Oh my god. Paige: Piper, it's not Leo. Throw the potion. (Piper throws the potion at Demon Leo's feet. Nothing happens.) Okay, that should've worked. (Demon Leo picks up Wyatt.) Phoebe: Piper. (Piper tries to blow him up. He disappears with Wyatt.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Piper's bedroom. Baby Chris is asleep in the bassinet. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk in.] Piper: You promised that the potion would work. Paige: It was supposed to. I couldn't have made it any stronger. Piper: Well, why didn't it? Are you kidding me? We can't stop someone from stealing my son. Phoebe: Okay, you need to calm down and just try to focus on how to find them. (Patty and Victor walk in.) Victor: Girls, I think your mother might be onto something here. Patty: It's just that this seems somehow vaguely familiar to me, that's all. Paige: Familiar how? Patty: I'm not sure. You said you saw the demon appear at Magic School. Do you know what Wyatt was doing before? Paige: Sleeping? Patty: Or maybe dreaming. Victor: He also appeared in the attic when everyone was arguing. Patty: In front of Wyatt. Phoebe: The demon showed up right after Grams snapped at Wyatt. Piper: Would somebody please tell me what's going on? Patty: When you were a little girl, right after your father and I split up. Victor: You started having a lot of bad dreams. Doctor called them night terrors. Patty: He said it was your subconscious way of blaming yourself for our break up. Paige: You're saying Piper is the cause of your divorce? Patty: No, no, no, of course not. It was... Victor: Other things. Piper: Right. Yeah, all this family history stuff is really interesting, but how is this gonna help us find Wyatt? Phoebe: I think what they're saying is it's the same thing. Wyatt is blaming himself just like you blamed yourself. Patty: Except because Wyatt is so powerful, he made his night terrors come to life whenever he felt conflict. Piper: But why would he make something up to hurt himself? And why Leo? (Leo walks in.) Leo: Because I'm the bad guy. As far as he's concerned if I hadn't killed Gideon and saved him, I wouldn't be so lost, I'd be around here, I'd be home. He thinks it's all his fault. Paige: That's ridiculous. Piper: No, it's not. I can relate. Phoebe: How did you figure this all out? Leo: Well, let's just say somebody helped me look in the mirror. Piper: So how do we find him? Leo: We go to where he thinks it all started. Where I killed Gideon. [Cut to a cave. Demon Leo and Wyatt are there.] Demon Leo: This is gonna get your mummy and daddy back together. One way or the other. That's what you want most af all, isn't it? (Demon Leo moves away. Several creepy looking demons appear and move towards Wyatt hissing and growling. Piper and Leo walk in and zap and blow up the demons. Demon Leo steps back into view.) Leo: It's not your fault, Wyatt. None of this is, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the reason things are all messed up. Not you. You and Chris and mummy mean everything to me. You're the things that keep me from falling apart. Piper: Come on, baby, come home. Daddy's not going anywhere, I promise. (Demon Leo vanishes. Leo picks up Wyatt.) Leo: I'm so sorry. Piper: It's not your fault, it's not anybody's fault. Leo: Still, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to find my way again. Piper: Yes, you do, you just have to try. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Les is there sitting on the couch. Phoebe knocks on the door.] Phoebe: Can I come in? Les: Sure, it's your office. Phoebe: Can I sit down? Les: Please, please. (She does so.) Phoebe: I just came by to thank you for what you did yesterday. Les: What, are you kidding me? After that nice long hug, you know, I figured I came out ahead on the deal. Phoebe: Yeah, that-that was the three martinis talking. Les: Well, you had wine, and just one glass, but anyway. Phoebe: Well, I hugged you because I was just, you know, grateful for what you did. Les: I don't know, you squeezed me pretty tight. Phoebe: Yeah, I was pretty grateful. Les: Come on, there was nothing else besides gratitude behind that hug? Phoebe: What would you like there to be? Les: Just admit it. You like me. Phoebe: How can you be so sure of that? Les: Oh, I don't know. The twenty-eight phone calls in two hours. Caller ID. Phoebe: Yeah, well, that was because my redial button was broken, so it just kept redialling. Les: Ahh. Phoebe: Yeah, and you were the last number I called, you know, so it just... Les: Right. Phoebe: Well, thank you. (Phoebe walks out into the main room.) Les: If she turns around it means she likes me. Come on, Phoebe, don't let me down. You can do it, turn around. (Phoebe stops and looks back at Les.) That-a-girl. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Patty and Victor are there.] Victor: Are you okay? Patty: Yeah. It's just leaving is always the hardest part. Victor: Well, maybe I shouldn't have... Patty: No, no, I'm glad you did. I wanted to be here for this, for them. It's just hard, you know. Price I pay for being dead, I guess. We missed a lot. Not being able to raise them together. Victor: I know. But we made up for it a little bit today, didn't we? Patty: Yeah. (Piper (carrying Chris) Phoebe, Paige and Leo (carrying Wyatt) walk in.) Piper: Alright, already, break it up. Kids entering. Paige: Grams, are you coming down? Phoebe: Ugh, she's being a martyr. Paige: Grams, please. Piper: Last call, woman. Grams' Voice: Oh, very well. (She appears.) Just so we're clear, my way would've worked too. Nevertheless you're all forgiven. Except Leo. Leo: Why not me? Grams: Because I owe you the apology. I'm sorry I thought you were evil. Not that you could blame me. Leo: That's an apology? Victor: I'd take it if I were you. Piper: Alright, let's do this before I change my mind. (Piper hands baby Chris to Grams.) Grams: "I call forth from space and time, matriarchs from Halliwell line, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, are family's spirit without end." (About a dozen women spirits appear in the room.)

Against Piper's wishes, Paige and Phoebe summon Grams for Chris' wiccaning that will protect him from evil while he grows. However, Wyatt gets attacked in the nursery by a masked demon that Leo begins pursuing with single-minded abandon and resolve. Meanwhile, Wyatt feels threatened that his younger brother is getting all of the attention and uses magic on him. In order to prevent sibling rivalry, Grams casts a spell on Wyatt and Chris, but inadvertently makes the sisters act like teenagers again. The Charmed Ones father, Victor, comes to the house and he decides to summon Patty to help him reverse the spell.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_05x16

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_05x16_0

At Emma's house (Mr. Simpson is fixing the sink and water sprays him in the face.) Mr. Simpson: Ah! Fruit salad! Manny: Um Mr. Simpson can you keep it down? It's long distance with Craig. Spike: You haven't let me brush your hair since you were ten. Emma: I wish I was ten. You don't have a time machine do you? Spike: I'm afraid I don't kiddo. Emma: When did it all get so complicated? Spike: Hey. Serious McMopey, do you know how boring life would be if it were simple? Right? Hello? Are you there? Emma: I'm here mom. I'm just worried about exams and stuff, okay? Spike: Okay. (Emma looks at her phone and there's a message from Peter telling her to go meet him.) At the park (Emma is blindfolded and Peter is leading her to a picnic area that he set up.) Emma: Where are we going? Peter: Just follow me. I'm sorry I can't see you at school, so uh this is my way of making it up to you. I bring you all the comfort foods. Potato salad, um fried chicken, chocolate cake. You feeling okay? You look kind of sick. Emma: Yeah I'm fine. I just, I can't believe you'd do this for me. It's so...sexy. (They start kissing.) Peter: Who knew potato salad was such an aphrodisiac? Emma: Shut up. (Emma starts kissing him and purposefully knocks over the picnic basket.) Emma: Leave it. I wasn't hungry anyway. (They start making out on the picnic table.) In science class Mr. Ellis: Okay heads up everybody. Today we got Liberty talking frogs. It will be most fascinating I'm sure. Alright take it away Liberty. Liberty: Of course Mr. Ellis. I'll begin with the female reproductive system. Mr. Ellis: Ah hint, hint. This just might be on your year end test. (Liberty begins her presentation and Manny hits Emma to keep her awake.) Emma: Ow. Manny! Manny: You're falling asleep during class and by the way your hands are colder than my Nana's, at her funeral. Emma: I have poor circulation. (Manny pokes Emma again.) Emma: Why did you do that? Manny: Because you've been weird and distant for weeks and I'm getting tired of it. Emma: Well I'm tired of you being Needy McNeedersons all the time. Sorry I have a life. Sorry I've got stuff going on that you wouldn't understand. Manny: Like what? Emma: Like...nothing. Just drop it. Manny: Woah. Are you getting your attitude from these things? Protein bars? They're all you eat lately. Are they even safe? Emma: I get them at a health food store. Mr. Ellis: Ms. Nelson! Emma: Um yeah. Sorry sir. Mr. Ellis: I hope you are back there whispering about adrenal glands. Emma: Absolutely. Gland central over here. Mr. Ellis: Good because if you don't ace your year end exam, I'll be seeing you in summer school. In the foyer Alex: Oh my god. Paige: Will someone please send Heather Sinclair a memo that belly shirts are out? Alex: As if they were ever a good idea for Ms. Tellatubbie anyways. Paige: Alex you're like the vinegary dressing on the dull salad of my life. Alex: And hearing the word dull, Hazel magically appears. Paige: Hi hon. Hazel: Hey Paige. Anything exciting in your mailbox? Paige: It's very lonely. Filled only with the sound of my increasing panic. Alex: Gosh if I don't get into the university or sorority of my choice I'll just die! Hazel: See you in bio. Alex: Hope the lesson's about becoming interesting on the cellular level 'cause Hazel really needs it. Paige: Everything's always a game to you. Alex: Keep's life interesting. Paige: Well some things do actually matter. Some people matter, at least to me. Hazel's one of them and you need to be nicer to her. In the hallway Manny: Between studying and planning the end of the year extravaganza, I barely have time to breathe. How about you? How's the environmental club? Emma: Kinda lost interest. Manny: What? You're telling me you don't care about those poor, starving dolphins in the rainforest? Emma: They're not starving, they're not in the rainforest, and yes I still care. I'm just focussed on other stuff. Manny: Like what? Jogging? Emma: And other stuff. Peter: Hey Emma. Manny. This is Brendan, one of the kids I tutor. I'll meet you back here at 3:30? Manny: I didn't know you tutored. Peter: Well my mom asked and I thought why not. Everyone needs a helping hand. Manny: How nice of you. So what's your favourite thing to teach? Grammar, composition, getting girls drunk and filming them with their tops off? Peter: That one's not in the curriculum. Manny: Didn't think so. Quit the hero act Peter. You're not fooling anyone. We all know you're scum. (Emma stands there silently.) Manny: Em! We're gonna be late for gym. In the media immersion lab (Tons of pictures of Hazel and Paige are being shown on the computer.) Toby: We can't just fill the yearbook with pictures of you two, you know. We've got to represent the whole school. Hazel: Paige and I? We're the school. Toby: Yeah. There's a convincing argument. (Alex walks in and sits down.) Hazel: Sorry Alex. You actually have to participate to get in the yearbook. Alex: And the vicious insult club doesn't count? Hazel: What do you want? Alex: I think we should hang out. Hazel: Uh sarcasm association doesn't get you into the yearbook either. Alex: We don't have to be best friends or even friends. I'll settle for acquaintances. Acquaintances who don't kill each other. So what do you say? Why don't we all go out? Get loaded, get into some trouble. Toby: I could do up some fake ID's. Take you ladies on a pub crawl. Alex: Nice try. Hazel: Or we could go shopping. You, me and Paige at the mall. There's a big sale on! Alex: You're really gonna make me work for this, aren't you? Hazel: You bet. See you at 4:30! (Alex leaves and flicks Toby's ear on her way out.) In gym class, Emma is wearing a huge sweat suit Manny: Let me guess. You went to visit Shaquille O'Neal and all you got was his running suit? Emma: Shaq is ginormous. Manny: Uh yeah Em. That's the joke. Mr. Armstrong: Okay girls, as you can see we're rotating stations so let's group up. Darcy: Emma it's like a gabillion degrees in here. Emma: I'm kinda cold is all. Chante: You're kinda whacked is all. Darcy: Oh no, I think I see an extra ounce over here on your right cheek. Chante: Call weight watchers, a 911! Emma: You think it's fun to laugh at the tub of lard?! It's not! I know what's wrong so you can stop pointing it out! Darcy: You're so not fat Emma. We were just joking. Chante: Are you okay? Emma: Of course. I'm fine. I just don't want to be here today. (Emma runs out of the gym.) Mr. Armstrong: Emma? At the mall Hazel: I'm having a fashion flash-forward. Paige: Cute. Sassy mix of conservative colour and edgy military. Alex: It's grey. Paige hates grey. What about this? Hazel: No offence, but I don't think you're ready for the big leagues. Can you even afford those clothes? Paige: Hazel! Hazel: I'm sorry, but fashion isn't exactly what Alex's type does well. Alex: My type? Lesbian you mean? Hazel: No. The style-impaired. Paige: Ladies. Please just chill. Hazel this shrunken blazer, it so has your name on it. Alex: I think it might be a little too shrunken for Hazel's body type. Gimme. Hazel: You in a blazer? Spare me. Alex: Do I detect jealousy? Tell me how long have you wanted to kiss Paige? Hazel: Gross. That's your thing. Not mine. Paige: Guys stop it! You're embarrassing me. Hazel: And BTW, Paige used to be straight until you came along and turned her gay. Alex: What? Okay you know what? I'm sorry. I'm through with playing nice. Hazel: Couldn't pull off for very long, huh? Big surprise. (Alex throws the blazer and her and Hazel start throwing clothes at each other until the security guard comes over.) Hazel: She started it! Alex: No I didn't. Paige? Paige? (Alex looks and Paige is gone.) Outside, Emma and Peter are jogging Emma: Going too fast for you gramps? I'll slow down so you don't have to trail behind. Peter: Aw, but I like trailing behind you. That way I get to enjoy the view. (He leans in to kiss her and she pulls away.) Emma: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Peter: Aw your jogging breath is fine. Emma: No I mean this. Us. Peter: Just when I thought we were finally getting somewhere. Emma: I want to go out with you Peter. I really do, but- Peter: It's Manny. Webmaster of the 'Peter Stone Must Die' website. Why does she still hate me so much? Emma: Forgiveness is not Manny's forte. Believe me she's like the five time winner of the golden grudge. Peter: Well then, then why does she have to know? It could be our little secret. Emma: No! You don't understand. This is all confusing and messy and complicated and I can't do it anymore, okay?! Sorry. Peter: Well me too! This sucks. Emma: You think you're the only one that's unhappy, well join the club Peter! I've got a huge pile of worries over here by myself, okay?! Peter: Are you alright? Emma: No! I have to go. At Emma's house (Emma walks downstairs and Manny hands her a sandwich.) Manny: Here. Eat this. Emma: I don't have time for your girl interrupted today. Manny: I found your food diary. You're not eating and those protein bars, they're props. You're hiding them. Emma: That's not true. You're making it up. Manny: (Reading) I haven't lost weight in 3 days. I run twice as much and still nothing. Emma: Stop it. Manny: (Reading) I can't eat. My body makes me sick. It's rebelling against me, just like everyone else. Emma: Give that back! Manny: I bet Spike would love to read this. Emma: Manny no! I'm dating Peter. Manny: What? Emma: You heard me. I'm dating Peter. That's why I'm like this. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm stressed 24/7 because I'm so scared of you finding out. Now you know. Manny: Take your stupid diary. I don't care anymore. You do whatever you want 'cause we're through. I'm sleeping on the couch and tomorrow we can talk about me going home. Emma: Fine. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the school Peter: I got your messages. What's the big news? Emma: Why don't I show you? Come on. (Emma pulls him in front of the school and kisses him.) Emma: I told Manny everything. We're legit. Peter: And she's okay with it? Emma: Well that's sort of the problem and speak of the devil. Manny: Wow. Look at the happy couple. Emma: Manny save the drama for your next audition. We're not interested. Manny: Fine. I just wanna wish Peter good luck. Peter: Thanks I guess. Manny: You're gonna need it. Maybe you can keep track of whether or not she's eating, 'cause I'm done. (Manny leaves.) Peter: What is she talking about? Emma: I don't know Peter. She's completely crazy. (Emma sees Mr. Simpson and Mr. Armstrong talking about her.) Emma: Come on. We have some flaunting to do. In the cafeteria Alex: Your favourite. I went and picked it up after security let us go. Paige: I'm not talking to you. Alex: I had to go all the way to Mississauga to get it, on transit. Paige: Uh how much? Cafeteria worker: $2.16 please. Paige: $2.20. Cafeteria worker: Here's your change. Alex: I tried. That's got to count for something. Paige: Have a great day. Thanks. Alex: I just care about you. Paige: Great job showing it. At the Dot, Peter and Emma are toasting their relationship Peter: To us. Completely official for all the world to see. Emma: Yay us. (The waitress brings their food.) Peter: Could we get some...ketchup. We need ketchup. (Peter gets up and Emma puts a bunch of fries in her pocket, pretending she ate them.) Peter: Woah. Now that is impressive. Emma: What can I say, I'm a healthy growing girl? Outside Peter: Something's missing here. Emma: You're so mysterious. Peter: No I just thought with us coming out there'd be like a marching band or something. Maybe a blimp with our name on it. (He leans in to hug her and she pulls away.) Emma: Hey not feeling so huggable right now. Peter: Emma you got fries in your pocket. Emma: It's just a little snack for later. Peter: Cold french fries from your pocket? That's a little weird. Emma: Not really. Haven't you seen Napoleon Dynamite? Come on. I'm just like a little squirrel. Peter: Sure. Uh I got to get to class. See ya. At Alex's locker Hazel: Paige isn't talking to me. Alex: Me neither. Hazel: Well I happen to be upset about it. Alex: So do I. I do have feelings you know. Hazel: And when Paige gets upset- Alex: Tell me about it. She's the stubbornest person I ever knew. Hazel: Oh me too and if you really want to know how bad a freeze out can get, phone Ashley Kerwin up! Alex: We could try playing nice again. Hazel: Again? Alex: We could try playing nice period. Hazel: If we go for hot beverages, promise not to scald me? Alex: Just as long as you promise to leave your cyanide at home. (They shake hands in agreement.) In a classroom Manny: So you all have your schedules? Next meeting's Tuesday. (Peter walks in.) Manny: What do you want? Peter: Show you something. Manny: Good for you Peter. Learning to read is very important. Peter: Hiding food, baggy clothes, mood swings, paranoia. These are all possible symptoms of anorexia nervosa. Manny: I'll talk to her mom. Peter: No, we'll talk to her mom. Hate me all you want, Emma's my girlfriend. You can't stop me from helping her. Don't even try. At the mall food court Hazel: So. Alex: So. Paige: What is this? Hazel: Paige-likers club. Alex is trying to get into the yearbook. Paige: And the fighting begins when? Hazel: We've signed a peace treaty. Alex: We also bought you a treat. Hazel: We even went Dutch to pay for it. Paige: So you know, you guys made me really mad and I refuse to be the monkey in the middle. Alex: That's fine. As long as you're talking monkey 'cause we're a little stuck for conversation. Paige: Okay. Let's uh start with how many calories are in this beverage. I always order no whip. Hazel: Told you so Alex. Paige doesn't eat sweets. Alex: That's a lie. Paige: Shut up. Alex: You had three pieces of chocolate cheesecake last weekend. Paige: It was our two month anniversary. Oops. My spoon slipped. Alex: Oops. So did mine. (The girls start flinging whipped cream at each other while laughing.) At Emma's house Emma: What's going on? Spike: Come sit down here honey. Manny and Peter came here because they're worried about you. Mr. Simpson: And it's not just them. Your teachers told me you're having trouble at school. Emma: They're lying. Mr. Simpson: No they're not Emma. We want you to go talk to someone. A therapist about why you're not eating. Emma: I am eating. There's nothing wrong. Peter: You're hiding food. Manny: You've got major psycho mood swings. Spike: You're just not you. We're worried. Emma: And you guys are all so perfect. You take advantage of drunk girls, you are the drunk girl and last time I checked you were making out with his mother. Mr. Simpson: Emma you need to calm down. Emma: No I need to get out of here. (Manny blocks the door.) Manny: You can't go Emma, please. We need to get you help. Emma: You did this! You told them! This is all your fault Manny! (Emma rushes downstairs and starts throwing Manny's clothes on the floor.) Manny: What are you doing? That's my stuff! Emma: Kicking your sorry butt out Manny, once and for all. Manny: Please stop it! Mr. Simpson: Emma please, please stop. Emma: You're supposed to be my friend Manny! I can't even trust you! Manny: I am! That's why I'm trying to help you! (Emma starts gasping for air.) Emma: I can't breathe. My chest. Manny something's happening. (She falls onto the floor.) Mr. Simpson: Woah Emma! Peter! Peter call 911 now! (They all rush to her and Peter goes to call 911.) In the mall security office Paige: Nice ladies. Another night in the security office. Alex: Think of it as mall detention! Hazel: I shouldn't have dived over the counter for that whipped cream canister. Alex: If only those German tourists hadn't gotten in the way! Paige: I can't believe you think this is funny. It's pathetic. Alex: Says the girl who was throwing biscotti pops! (The security guard walks in and they start laughing again.) Hazel: Ew! At the hospital, Manny is holding Emma's hand when Spike walks in Spike: Doctor said you had a panic attack. Emma: Okay so I'm fine. It musta been a reaction to one of those protein bars. That's the last time I eat one of those nasty things. (Emma starts to get up.) Spike: Emma, you're not going anywhere. Emma: But it was just a panic attack. Spike: Brought on by starvation. A psychiatrist is coming to talk to you and she might diagnose you as anorexic. Emma: I want to go home. Spike: Honey you can't. You can't. Manny: Em you have to stop. You have to stop or you're gonna die. You can't do that to me. Emma: No one's gonna die, okay? I'm gonna try to beat this Manny. I'm gonna try to beat this. Scenes for next week Marco: (To the camera) Dylan is a selfish, reckless, immature jerk. So why can't I get over him? Voiceover: An old flame is back in town. Dylan: I still love you Marco. Voiceover: And Marco's still hurting. Paige: If you're so ready to move on, then why aren't you doing it? Voiceover: Will he choose Dylan or has he found someone else? (Tim is shown walking into the room with a shocked look on his face.)

Emma's downward spiral continues as her dangerous diet turns into a full-blown eating disorder, and it could have dire consequences for her as her loved ones come together to help her. Meanwhile Alex and Hazel try playing nice for Paige, who is tired them being at each other's throats.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_03x02

fd_One_Tree_Hill_03x02_0

LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill. [EXT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - EVENING] (Peyton opens the door to Ellie.) ELLIE: My name is Elizabeth. I'm your mother. (Peyton gapes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE DOCK - DAY] (Peyton stands in front of her father.) PEYTON: Is this woman my mother? LARRY: Your mom is gone, Peyton... but... your biological mother is alive. (Peyton looks up in surprise.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] BROOKE: You and Haley fighting? PEYTON: My problem is with anybody who just vanishes and then waltzes back in and expects to be instantly forgiven(!) (Brooke looks back in slight surprise.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - DAY] (Brooke takes her things out of the closet.) BROOKE: You know, we could totally have a summer-like fling, just... in the fall. (Lucas is kneeling by the bed.) BROOKE: And... non-exclusive. (Lucas inclines his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - NATHAN'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Haley is speaking to Nathan in his bedroom.) HALEY: There wasn't a moment when I was away... that my heart wasn't with you in Tree Hill. NATHAN: I'm going to High Flyers, and unlike you, I'm taking my heart with me. (Haley blinks.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - DAY] (Nathan confronts Lucas.) NATHAN: We're not brothers. We're not even friends. (Lucas squints.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE CHURCH - CONFESSIONAL - EVENING] (Dan sits in the confessional, confessing to sins he intends to commit.) DAN: Three months ago, someone tried to kill me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING] (Shot of someone flicking a lighter on and throwing it onto the alcohol. The flames race along.) DAN: (v.o) And when I find out who did this to me- (Dan falls out of the chair, suddenly conscious.) DAN: (v.o) -and I will find out soon... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE CHURCH - CONFESSIONAL - EVENING] DAN: (Glaring angrily.) -the sins I commit then could turn this place to rubble(!) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING] (Dan is lying on the floor as the fire burns. The camera pans down to his hand, holding the burned note. Close-up of the words: 'For everything you've done'.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - EVENING] (Lucas holds the same note and looks at it.) FADE TO BLACK: END OF PREVIOUSLY ON: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - DAY] (The camera moves along the beach.) LUCAS: (v.o) Henry David Thoreau once wrote: 'Live each season as it passes;- (Lucas is standing on the beach, alone. He is building a large circle out of big rocks.) LUCAS: (v.o) -breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit- (He drops the rock into place.) LUCAS: (v.o) -and resign yourself to the influences of each.' (He claps the sand off his hands.) DAN: (o.s) Well, well- (Lucas looks up with a frown.) DAN: (o.s) -look who's starting a fire. (Dan moves into the shot. Lucas doesn't speak. Dan smirks and continues jogging. Lucas picks up another rock and drops it - finishing the circle.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton is splayed across her bed, sleeping with her mouth half open. She wakes up to sounds in her room. She sits up in bed and looks to her closet. Brooke is standing there with a grin on her face.) BROOKE: Rise and shine. (Brooke writes something on the door.) PEYTON: Nice of you to knock. BROOKE: I didn't wanna wake you, Sleeping Bitchy(!) Besides, I had to get the list ready. PEYTON: What list? (Brooke opens both of the closet doors wide.) BROOKE: (Grinning) This list. (One door has Brooke's name on it and the other has Peyton's. Under their names is a list of boy's and men's names. Brooke is very pleased with herself.) PEYTON: (Apprehensive) What is that exactly? BROOKE: Since you and I are both officially available again and tonight is the end-of-summer beach party, which means partial of not total naked nudity, (Grabs Peyton's toothbrush from her bathroom.) I have made a list of all the available guys so that we can avoid the pain and hardship of another 'Lucas love triangle'. (Brooke gives Peyton the toothbrush and Peyton puts it into her mouth before getting off the bed and trying to talk coherently.) PEYTON: (Mumbles unintelligible words while walking into the bathroom.) BROOKE: (Confused) Ok, I'm sorry, I didn't get any of that. Did you just say something about me puking in a rave? (Peyton washes her mouth out and pauses.) PEYTON: (Sticking her head out.) I said 'the Lucas you're supposedly dating'. BROOKE: (Shrugs while smirking.) Non-exclusively. PEYTON: (Rolls her eyes.) Huh. BROOKE: What 'huh'? I have dated multiple guys before(!) PEYTON: Yeah, I know. In fact, you are queen of the multiple-boy dating scenario, I'm just surprised you're doing it with Lucas. (Brooke shrugs again.) BROOKE: Well, you know what they say; when it comes to boys, I'm full of surprises. (Peyton walks out of her bathroom.) PEYTON: But I thought you were the new, responsible, (She slaps her on the arse.) Brooke(!) BROOKE: Eurgh, so last season - responsible Brooke is good but party Brooke is gooder. (Walks back to the door.) Check it out; I get Lucas, Mouth, half the guys on the team - I put my first choices her but we can totally mix and match, any and all lifeguards, Nathan's uncle Cooper's so hot, Larry- PEYTON: (Interrupts) Whoa(!) Larry, like... my dad Larry? BROOKE: (Unabashed) Of course, he's my hot dad fantasy(!) (Peyton groans and lies back down on her bed.) BROOKE: Peyton, he is a total dilf(!) And besides (Points to a name on Peyton's list.) I gave you Dan. (Peyton makes a face at her.) BROOKE: And I get Dave Grohl from the 'Foo Fighters'. (Peyton flops back onto the bed.) BROOKE: You get; (Points them out.) Jake - as promised, Nathan - but he comes with an asterisk because nobody knows what the hell is going on with him and Haley in 'high school married' limbo, the other half of the guys on the team, Anna - because... well... you never know, and she was totally into you, and all the Rivercourt boys - Skills, Fergie and Garbage. (She looks at Peyton proudly. Peyton looks at her exasperatedly.) PEYTON: Junk. BROOKE: (Abashed) ...Right(!) And finally, the rest of the Foo Fighters. PEYTON: (Whining) Why do you get Dave Grohl, I want Dave Grohl(!) BROOKE: No way! PEYTON: So I get a fugitive and a married guy(!) BROOKE: (Considering before rolling her eyes and sighing.) Fine. You take Dave Grohl, I'm taking Anna. PEYTON: Deal. BROOKE: Deal. (Starts to walk out.) OK. Nighty-night, thanks, bye(!) (She rushes out of Peyton's room.) (Peyton gapes at her before collapsing back onto her bed.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - DAY] (Birds-eye shot of the basketball hoop. A basketball goes through it before Nathan appears under the camera. He grabs the ball and puts it through again. Lucas walks onto the court.) LUCAS: You're back. NATHAN: (Turns to look at him.) Maybe. (Pause) Maybe you're just high and seeing things. LUCAS: (Rolls his eyes.) So I guess you're still pissed at me. Which, personally, I think is crap. But you tell me... are we friends? NATHAN: Tell you what; I'll play you for it. Game to eleven. (Throws the ball at Lucas.) Make or take it. For our friendship. (Lucas frowns before sighing and walking properly onto the court. They pause as they get ready. Lucas waits before jumping and trying to shoot the ball. Nathan jumps and grabs it from him before it leaves his hand.) (Nathan shoots and scores. Lucas throws the ball back at him and tries to stop him but it doesn't work. Nathan feints and gets another basket. Lucas takes the ball again and gives it back to Nathan. Nathan shows off for a few moments - dribbling the ball between his legs - before shooting and scoring again. Lucas gives the ball back and Nathan gets another basket.) (There is a succession of shots as Nathan keeps scoring whilst Lucas gets nothing. Nathan gets the last basket and wins.) NATHAN: (Turns back.) Game. (Lucas is too tired to respond. Nathan leaves the ball and walks away.) LUCAS: We're you going?! NATHAN: You lost. Guess that means we're still not friends. (Lucas lets Nathan leave. He breathes harshly and looks at the basketball hoop. The camera zooms out.) FADE TO BLACK: END OF TEASER: OPENING CREDITS ROLL: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - BROOKE AND HALEY'S BEDROOM - DAY] (The room is purple and red, looking a lot like the inside of a genie's lamp. Haley is sitting in a far corner on a small bed with her head in her hands.) BROOKE: (o.s) Hiya, new roommate(!) (Brooke walks in holding two cups of coffee.) BROOKE: Getting all moved in? HALEY: Uh,... with the six feet that you gave me, yeah, sure. BROOKE: Good. (Hands a cup of coffee over.) HALEY: Thank you. BROOKE: (Looks at Haley's hand.) Hey, great idea(!) (Walks to a couch and sits down.) HALEY: (Confused) What? BROOKE: Wearing your wedding ring. It's like a total aphrodisiac for some guys(!) HALEY: I just needed to be an aphrodisiac for one guy. BROOKE: Why, do you have a new guy?! HALEY: (Pause) For Nathan, Brooke. (Brooke takes a moment to digest this.) BROOKE: I see, about him, I notice you haven't unpacked. Little naive, don't you think? HALEY: No, (Shakes her head.) no. I'm just... stalling. I mean, it's like, if I unpack, my split with Nathan will be... more real. BROOKE: I hate to say it but it's real enough already. HALEY: Yeah. (Sighs and pauses before beginning to groan in sadness.) BROOKE: OK, no, no, none of that(!) (Stands and walks to Haley's bed.) Come here, I have a surprise for you. (Haley moans and Brooke grabs her hand, pulling her off the bed.) BROOKE: Come on, come on, this'll be fun(!) (She pulls Haley out of the room.) BROOKE: This is totally gonna cheer you up(!) (She drags Haley into the living room which is now purple and decorated into more of the genie's lamp style.) HALEY: (Looks around, shocked.) Whoa! Wh-ah! This is amazing! When did you do this?! BROOKE: Last night while you were sleeping. You totally sleep like a dead person(!) HALEY: (Slaps her on the arm.) Shut up. (Brooke laughs.) This looks awesome. BROOKE: Thanks. By the way, I'm kinda gonna need to ask for... next months rent now coz I sorta spent this months rent on the couch and the rugs and things. (Looks at Haley apprehensively.) HALEY: (Grinning) OK. Although, you really shouldn't have to pay for this stuff yourself. I mean, we're roommates now, I'll go half. BROOKE: (Pleased) Really? HALEY: (Nods) Yeah. BROOKE: Oh, I was hoping you'd say that coz I kind of ate half your rainbow sherbet last night while I was hanging the wall mural. HALEY: (Smiles) Where'd you get it, anyway? BROOKE: (Looking at her as though she's thick.) The freezer. HALEY: The wall mural. BROOKE: (Getting it.) Oh, Peyton made it for me. It's the French Riviera. (Smiles) HALEY: Gosh, I haven't talked to Peyton in like... forever. (Brooke's smile falls.) Lucas filled me in on her mom situation. What the heck? BROOKE: (Uneasily) Yeah, the mom situation's on high-alert right now coz Ellie-mom's back in town. HALEY: How's Peyton taking it? BROOKE: (Unsure of what to say.) Well...- (There's a beep on the laptop.) BROOKE: There she is now. She's sending me a last minute flyer for the party tonight(!) (Rushes to the laptop excitedly.) Speaking of which - you are not allowed to sulk tonight. HALEY: (Offended) I don't sulk! BROOKE: You sulk! You're a sulker. But tonight, you're gonna have fun. After all, it's a party. It's supposed to be (Looks at the picture and her eyes widen.) dark and depressing! (The picture says 'End of summer beach party: 9pm' on it but the pictures are of demons dancing around a bonfire.) BROOKE: Well, you asked how she's talking it. There you go. GRAPHIC MATCH TO: [EXT. CAF - DAY] (Peyton is sitting in front of her laptop. It has the same picture on it that Brooke's does. She looks at it. A waitress shows Ellie to one of the seats behind Peyton. Peyton looks back and spots her. She shuts the laptop and walks to Ellie.) (Ellie smiles as Peyton sits.) ELLIE: Hi, Peyton. (Peyton doesn't offer a smile. She just glares at her.) ELLIE: Last time I saw you, you were slamming a door in my face. PEYTON: So, let's have it. ELLIE: What's that? PEYTON: The heart wrenching yet inspirational tale of a young girl's complex decision to part with the daughter she desperately loves. ELLIE: Actually, it's not that complex. At the time I got pregnant, I liked drugs more than I liked you. That's it. (Peyton looks at Ellie, realising how close she was to becoming that very person.) ELLIE: (Leans forward.) I'm a different person now, Peyton. (Pause) But those decisions are still mine. I can't change that. PETON: And what, so you... you just come to make peace with yourself? (Nods) That is so screwed up(!) You can't just... crawl outta your hole after seventeen years and cause a plague like some kinda locust(!) ELLIE: For what it's worth, I crawled outta my hole a long time ago. (Pause) Your father wouldn't let me see you. PEYTON: I don't believe you. (Ellie smiles and looks off into the distance.) ELLIE: You used to sit under a bridge by the river. (Peyton looks away, shocked.) ELLIE: You and a brunette girl who wore... a little too much eye make-up for a ten year old. (Ellie nods and Peyton can't respond.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - BACK YARD - DAY] (Peyton pushes the back door open and stalks out to her father.) PEYTON: She tried to see me! (Stops in front of him as he fixes the lawnmower.) Like seven years ago, but you sent her away! LARRY: (Sets the wrench down.) That's right. PEYTON: How could you do that?! LARRY; Because I'm your dad and it was my call. PEYTON: Unbelievable(!) (She walks away.) LARRY: Peyton- PEYTON: FORGET IT! LARRY: PEYTON! (Peyton runs back into the house and slams the door behind her. Larry angrily drops his tools and turns to the house.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Larry walks into Peyton's room. She's in her closet.) LARRY: Hey! I understand you're upset but don't be slamming doors and stomping your little chicken ass around this house while I am talking with you. I am still you father. PEYTON: (Turns around.) But you're not my father, are you?! (He pauses and Peyton walks to her records.) LARRY: When Ellie gave you up, she agreed not to see you. Had your mother lived, we would have told you. It would have been up to you. (Peyton grabs a record.) LARRY: But when she died, I decided it would be too hard, too confusing for you. Maybe that was a mistake. PEYTON: (Almost crying as she nods.) Maybe it was a mistake. (Pause) You know what, dad (Pulls out the Dashboard Confessional record.) this, this is you, OK? (She smashes the record against the doorframes and it breaks into a lot of pieces.) PEYTON: Kinda of a broken record lately, don't you think?! (She drops the record and replaces the now empty record cover.) (Larry walks closer to her.) LARRY: You know, Peyton, one of these days you're gonna grow up... and you won't have all the answers. (Peyton sighs and turns away.) LARRY: You weren't even ten years old when Ellie showed up. She had a drug habit, she moved around a lot it wasn't even a year after your mother had died and you were in a pretty rough place - emotionally. (Pause) And if you ask me, you still are. (Peyton turns to argue but he cuts across her.) LARRY: And guess what, so am I. I could not... risk exposing you to her. No way. Not then. (He turns and walks away.) PEYTON: Fine(!) Fine, not then, OK. But what about some time in - oh, I don't know - the last eight years?! (Pause) What about then?! (Pause) Or like... what about now? LARRY: (Looks at her.) I suppose now is up to you. (They look at each other before he walks out and shuts the door behind him. Peyton holds back from crying.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY] (Lucas enters the apartment and looks slightly confused.) LUCAS: (Looking down.) Hey, you. BROOKE: (Grins) Hey back atcha! LUCAS: 1972's outside and it wants its furniture back. BROOKE: (Stands from her chair.) You mock but you don't know. (Drags him like she did Haley.) Try out the couch. (He sits and pats it.) LUCAS: Nice. (Brooke smiles.) BROOKE: No. (She straddles his lap.) I said... try out the couch. (They kiss.) LUCAS: (Pause) I like this couch. BROOKE: (Nods) I thought you would. (She kisses him again. Haley enters the room.) HALEY: Oh, waaay too early in the day for me to see this. BROOKE: (Laughs) Well what hour would you prefer to watch us? HALEY: (Laughs) How about never o'clock? Or maybe, ah, I don't know, quarter after stab-out-my-eyes. Either one's really good for me. (Shuts the refrigerator.) (Brooke laughs.) HALEY: By the way, that couch has not been stain guarded yet. You may wanna get a room instead. (She takes a glass out of the cupboard.) BROOKE: Well, of we get a room, then you're gonna be stuck on this stainy couch. HALEY: (Walks to the counter.) That's a good point. (Brooke turns back to Lucas.) BROOKE: Give me a minute. We'll go to the beach. (Brooke gets off the couch and leaves them too it.) (Lucas sits there uncomfortably.) LUCAS: Brooke asked me to help her out. HALEY: And by Brooke you mean... your part-time girlfriend, Brooke? (He shuts the front door.) LUCAS: We're gonna set up for the end-of-summer thing. HALEY: (Nods) Hmm, what's up with that anyway? LUCAS: (Frowns) Well, you see, there's a season called summer, Haley, and when that ends, another season called fall starts right up. (Haley mock glares at him and he smiles.) HALEY: Oh, OK, rephrasing - what's up with the part-time girlfriend stuff? LUCAS: (Pause) I don't know yet. Right now, we're on Brooke's terms. HALEY: Hmm. LUCAS: But I'll keep you posted. HALEY: (Sarcastically) Oh, gee, thanks. LUCAS: I also came to check on you. You know, I was worried about you. Nathan was in a pretty bad mood this morning - at the Rivercourt. (Haley stops and lowers the glass.) LUCAS: I thought that might have something to do with you. HALEY: (Pause) Nathan's home? LUCAS: (Pause) You... didn't know he was back? (Haley waits for a second before setting the glass down, clearly hurt.) HALEY: No. No I didn't. LUCAS: I'm sorry, Haley. (Haley turns around and opens the closet door.) LUCAS: I thought you knew. (She slings her bag over her shoulder.) HALEY: Can you just, um,... tell Brooke that I'll... see her tonight? (She smiles tightly and walks past him. Lucas watches her before turning back to look at Nathan's 'pain stain'.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY] (Haley rings the doorbell and waits. Dan opens the door and acquires his patented expression.) DAN: Well, well, if it isn't my beloved daughter-in-law. (Haley enters the house and Dan shuts the door behind her. She sighs.) DAN: Haley, so nice of you to come by and check on me following my accident. (He walks into the living room.) DAN: Oh, by the way, I think I found a pair of your black gloves. Leather, right? HALEY: (Completely confused.) Uh,... No, I-I don't own any... black gloves, Mr. Scott. (She looks around.) DAN: I know your parents aren't around... so call me dad. (Haley looks at him as if he's lost it.) HALEY: I'd really just like to see Nathan. DAN: He didn't tell you he was coming home. (Haley doesn't answer but its answer enough for Dan.) DAN: (Indecently pleased.) Sometimes I'm so proud of that kid(!) (He turns around and walks to his alcohol.) DAN: Can I fix you a drink? (Haley shakes her head.) DAN: I hear you rock stars are big drinkers, right? (He picks up a bottle and tests the rim to see if there's any white residue on it before pouring some.) DAN: Well,... suit yourself. HALEY: Deb said you moved out. DAN: Yeah, sucks, huh? (Sits on the couch.) My marriage is over. (Pauses before smiling at her.) Who knew you and I would have so much in common after all? HALEY: Could you please just tell Nathan that I'm here? DAN: (Plainly) Oh, he's not home. (Haley looks at him before standing abruptly and walking a few steps. She looks back at him, shakes her head slightly and walks out of the room - straight backed.) (The door opens and closes as Dan smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERWALK - RIVERSIDE - DAY] (Shot of the bridge before panning left to Ellie who is leaning on the bars, looking out over the sea.) LARRY: We had an agreement! (He walks into the shot.) ELLIE: (Looks at him.) Hi, Larry. Long time. LARRY: Not long enough(!) You'll forgive me if I skip the love and go straight to the 'you gotta lot of nerve' part. Peyton is a real mess right now. ELIIE: Well, I'm sorry about that. LARRY: You caused it. ELLIE: No, I think you caused it by not telling her about me. LARRY: Don't even go there, Ellie! You agreed to stay away. ELLIE: (Angrily) YEAH, WELL THINGS CHANGE! (Larry looks at her knowingly and she looks away, abashed.) ELLIE: You have a right to be pissed. I said I'd stay away but my situation has changed, and now, I would like to get to know Peyton. (Pause) With your blessing of course. LARRY: That is not going to happen. (Pause) You gave her up... you have to live with that. (He stops just before leaving.) And now, thanks to your change of heart, so does Peyton. (He starts to walk away.) LARRY: Stay away from us. (Ellie turns back after he leaves and sighs. She's torn.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - UNLIT BONFIRE - DAY] (Camera travels up the unlit bonfire to Lucas and Brooke who are throwing sticks into the circle, ready to light it.) BROOKE: You think this is enough? LUCAS: For a campfire. (They stand back with hands on hips.) Not a bonfire. I'll get some more before I pick you up, alright? BROOKE: Oh,... (Embarrassed) I was... thinking about riding in with Peyton and... playing the field tonight. (Lucas laughs and looks down, taking his sunglasses off.) LUCAS: (Not looking at her.) The field, (Nods) right. BROOKE: We said non-exclusive. LUCAS: Yes, I know, but... (Brooke puts her hands back on her hips, smiles and waits for him to explain.) LUCAS: Well, I'm not sure you're gonna be able to handle this whole 'non-exclusive' thing. BROOKE: (Gapes at him before laughing.) Oh-ho(!) You don't say? LUCAS: Well, I mean, you know, pretty soon you're obviously gonna fall me and then you're gonna have to break up with all those other guys and that's just gonna get ugly. BROOKE: (Playing along.) I see. (She pauses before looking at him.) LUCAS: (Hands up.) Just looking out for ya. BROOKE: Well thanks, I think I'll be fine. LUCAS: (Semi seriously.) You're sure? BROOKE: I'm sure. (Lucas smiles but doesn't argue.) BROOKE: Well, since the work's done, (Pulls her top off.) I think I'm gonna go for a little swim. (She has a bathing suit on underneath.) BROOKE: You, uh... wanna come and look out for me some more? LUCAS: (Watches her.) Sure. (Pause) I'll catch you up. BROOKE: K. (She turns and runs at the sea, turning back briefly before carrying on.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAF - COUNTER - DAY] (Close-up of a cake in its jar. The camera pans right so the front door is visible. Lucas enters.) LUCAS: (Walking to Karen.) Hey, what's up, mom? KAREN: Can I ask you a question? LUCAS: Yeah, sure. KAREN: (Looks down and reads from the newly decorated table.) What does 'whoot' mean? LUCAS: (Laughs) 'Whoot?' KAREN: Yeah, you know, I have this hip new caf I need to be sure that my vocabulary is current. (Smiles) LUCAS: Right. Well, uh, 'whoot' would be like... (Thinks) 'yahoo'. KAREN: Oh, OK, so I would go like (Pause) 'WHOOT'! (Lucas jumps back slightly in surprise.) LUCAS: No, (Looks around embarrassedly.) mom. You would never go like that and as a matter of fact, never do that again. (Karen laughs.) KAREN: But, if 'whoot' is 'yahoo', (Looks over his shoulder.) then what is 'what-what'? LUCAS: (Laughs) You wanna know the difference between 'whoot' and 'what-what'? KAREN: Yeah, you know, like (Makes some really dodgy hand movements.) 'WHAT-WHAAAT!' LUCAS: (Mortified) Mom,... (Shakes his head.) seriously. (Pause) Never again. (He points at her as she moves away with the dirty dishes.) LUCAS: You gotta lay off the hip-hop. This is Andy's influence, isn't it? (Karen walks to the counter and Lucas follows her.) LUCAS: When's he coming back anyway? KAREN: (Evasively) Well, I'm not so sure that he is coming back. LUCAS: Why not? KAREN: Because, Lucas,... Andy wanted kids. He wanted to start a family and I'm... not sure that I want the same. LUCAS: Oh, so, what, your first kid was soooo rotten that I scared you from trying again? KAREN: Essentially yes, that's it. (Laughs) (Lucas squints at her in mock betrayal.) KAREN: Andy's a wonderful guy. He deserves a family. (Lucas looks at her to continue.) KAREN: And... then there's Keith. LUCAS: What about Keith? KAREN: Well I've been... thinking about him a lot. (Pause) As a matter of fact I, uh, thought I saw him in town the day I left for New Zealand. You know, the day of the fire at Dan's dealership. (Lucas absorbs that information. His eyebrows draw together and he gets fidgety.) LUCAS: You know, maybe I should go. (He gets up.) Gotta lot of errands to run before this beach party tonight. KAREN: (Fake deep voice.) End-of-the-summer beach party, what-whaaaat! (Makes the dodgy hands movements again.) (Lucas stops at the door and pauses for a moment before looking back, smiling at her, and walking out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - DAY] (Nathan is pushing weights in the gym. Haley enters.) HALEY: Hey. (Nathan sighs and sets the bar on its hooks. He sits up.) HALEY: I saw your car. I... I didn't know you were home. NATHAN: (Pauses) Yeah, I know. (Dabs the sweat off his face with a towel.) HALEY: Did you get the letters I sent? NATHAN: (Sighs heavily again.) Yeah. (Wipes his arms.) HALEY: It's good to see you. NATHAN: Look, Haley, I can't do this, alright? HALEY: What? You can't do what? You can't talk to me? (Walks closer to him.) (He doesn't face her or answer her.) HALEY: You didn't even tell me you were home, Nathan. What were you gonna do, pass me in the hallway at school and not say a word? NATHAN: (Stands) I didn't even know of you'd be in school(!) HALEY: I told you, I'm back for good. (He looks down.) HALEY: Anyway, um,... I don't know if you heard but I'm staying in our apartment. (Laughs) Brooke rented it and asked me to be her roommate. NATHAN: (Raises his eyebrows.) You and Brooke, huh? HALEY: (Smiling) Yeah. I did not see that coming. Oh, by the way, if this basketball thing doesn't work out, you may have a future as a painter. (Looks at him pointedly.) (Nathan realises what she's talking about and looks down again. Haley just smiles.) HALEY: Nathan,... we have some decisions to make. NATHAN: Yeah,... yeah, we do. HALEY: (Whispering) Yeah. (Close-up of her hands as she plays with her wedding ring.) HALEY: Well, um,... I guess I'll... hit the beach tonight. End-of-summer party. (Nathan smiles and puts his bottle aside.) NATHAN: (Whispers) OK. (Haley walks to the doors and looks back. Nathan goes back to his weights and takes them off the pole.) HALEY: You've changed. NATHAN: Yeah. (Pulls weights off.) I guess I have you to thank for that. (Haley sighs and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERWALK - SHOPS - DAY] (Ellie is standing outside, talking to a tall kid. She slips him some money. He looks around, making sure nobody's watching.) (Lucas stands in the distance, watching them. He pulls his earphones off in the hopes of hearing what they're saying. He frowns as he sees the guy slip something into her hand under the pretence of shaking it. Ellie walks past him and spots Lucas watching.) (Lucas looks away. Ellie pauses before carrying on to wherever she's going. Lucas turns around and walks away.) FADE TO BLACK: [SCENE_BREAK] COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (A door closes off-screen. The camera pans right to Peyton who is on her bed, sorting through her records. Brooke walks into her room.) BROOKE: (Frowning) OK, not exactly your finest hour in party attire but who knows, somebody might go for the homeless girl look. PEYTON: You know I don't even wanna go to this thing. BROOKE: I know, but because Mouth is throwing himself his own personal pity-party over Erica Marsh, you P. Sawyer, as you know, are my DJ. (Peyton groans and turns to her.) BROOKE: Besides, this is the last end-of-summer beach party we're gonna have before we're seniors. (Pouts) PEYTON: Oh, come on, you know you're gonna have another chance next year after you flunk out and have to repeat a grade(!) BROOKE: See, that's the spirit! (Her smiles falls.) Sort of. (Peyton nods.) Little mean but it's a start. Speaking of mean; please don't be to Haley tonight, OK? Let's party. (Slaps her on the arm.) (Peyton carries her basket of records and follows Brooke out.) BROOKE: Come on. (They walk out. Camera pans to Peyton's bed where there are still a few records lying in a pile.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - DAY] (Pan up from a sandcastle where the drinks are being served from. A guy hands them out. Tim runs across the frame to Brooke.) TIM: It's about time(!) (Brooke frowns at him.) TIM: (Holding a box and jumping around.) Can we light the bonfire now?! Can we? Can we? BROOKE: Oh, look, it's Tim. I had a dream you died. Darn(!) (Tim looks into his box.) TIM: Look, check it out; I brought some really cool stuff to burn. I got, um,... cleaning supplies, some army men, some rotten fruit. Oh, and there's this dead animal down the beach that would burn really cool. BROOKE: Come to think of it, Tim, you might burn really cool. Let's sacrifice a virgin. TIM: (Clueless) Sweet(!) Like who? (Brooke just looks at him. A siren sounds and Tim drops his box.) TIM: CRAP, COPS! (He smacks the cups out of a line of big, tough looking, half naked, guys and stands beside them, arms crossed. Two guys approach them.) GUY 1: Hey, Brooke, what's going on? You got cups for us? BROOKE: (Smiles) Sure, boys, right this way. (They follow her and the guys look at Tim, completely pissed off.) TIM: (Picking up their cups for them.) I'm sorry, I thought they were five-oh, I- (Picks up each cup and gives them back to the people.) I-I'm sure there's still... (Points) some... (He turns and runs away.) (Camera pans along to shots of random people having fun.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BEACH HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - EVENING] (Dan is sitting in a recliner, reading the fire investigation report that was made for the fire in the dealership. He frowns and flips another page. The one word that sticks out is 'ACCIDENTAL'. It is not being treated as arson. The last line reads: 'This fire investigation is CLOSED'.) (Dan leans back and flashes on the fire again.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING] (The fire covers the place. All of the shapes are blurry. Camera pans hard right to a pile of flames. Focus on Dan's face as he opens his eyes and sees a blurry figure approaching him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING] (Shot of a burning torch.) BROOKE: (o.s) People have had fire rituals (Pan down to Brooke holding the torch.) since the beginning of time. (Pause) For some people it's witchcraft; for others, religion; but for us, it marks the beginning of our senior year! (Everybody raises their cups and yells in approval. Lucas and Haley look at each other.) BROOKE: I know we have to go back to school soon, but tonight, as long as this fire burns, summer is still ours. (Brooke lowers the torch onto the bonfire and the flames spread quickly over the accelerant. The crowd roars again. Brooke sticks the touch into the ground and turns to Peyton. Peyton nods her head, earphone to her ears and puts the music on.) (The crowd's enthusiasm dies painfully as they hear the sad, slow song Peyton puts on. Brooke turns around, exasperated and completely annoyed. She walks away without complaining.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAF - DINING AREA - EVENING] (Dan walks across the caf and straight to Karen.) KAREN: Look who it is - the kissing bandit. Did you fondle anyone while I was away? DAN: I should apologise. I won't, (Grins) but I should. That kiss was a reckless mistake. (Pause) Sorta like Lucas. (Sits down.) (Karen watches his every move closely.) DAN: That was a joke. KAREN: Funny(!) No wonder you're getting a divorce. (Harshly wipes the counter in front of him.) How's that going, by the way? DAN: Why, you ready for round two? KAREN: (Makes a face and coughs a little.) Sorry, I just... threw up a little in my mouth. (Smiles) DAN: Can I just have a coffee, please? KAREN: Sure, just... let me spit in it first. (Smirks and turns her back.) DAN: Or, maybe you could drug it. (Karen stops but doesn't turn back to him.) DAN: You know, Karen, as I recall, you were pretty angry with me the day of the fire. (Karen scoffs and pours the coffee.) KAREN: You know what, Dan? (Turns back with a smile.) You looking for people who were pretty angry with you, you might start at 'A', in the phonebook. DAN: You mean 'A' as in Andy? (Pause) Or maybe 'B', as in Boozy. (Pause) What do we hear from rag doll Keith these days anyway? KAREN: What're you trying to say? The fire wasn't an accident? DAN: Why? (Pause) Is that what you're saying? KAREN: ...You know what, I think I'm gonna play the old 'right to refuse service' card. You can get out. (Points to the door.) DAN: You said I could have a coffee. KAREN: Well, let's just call that a... reckless mistake. DAN: Hmm, fair enough. (Pause) Say hi to Andy for me. (Stands) That is if you ever see the little guy again. KAREN: You know what? If someone... did try to kill ya, I'm sorry they failed, Dan. (Camera zooms in on his annoyed face.) KAREN: (Smirking cruelly.) Maybe next time they won't. (Pause) Whoever they were. (Karen smiles and Dan walks out of the caf . The camera focuses on Karen's conspiratorial expression.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING] (Tim is sitting down. People are there but are wearing sickened expressions. He is naked with only a guitar covering his privates.) TIM: (Singing) # Who wants to swim, With naked Tim? Who wants to get drunk, And have s*x with him? # (The girls turn and leave. One woman stops to look at him, her hand on her belly.) TIM: (Frowning) I know they call it skinny dipping but... you wanna try anyway? GIRL: I'm pregnant you idiot(!) (She continues walking past him as he thinks.) TIM: I'm cool with that! [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - LIFEGUARD TOWER - EVENING] (Lucas is leaning against the lifeguard tower, watching the party from the distance. He watches Brooke as she talks to about four different guys, laughing and enjoying herself. Haley comes up from behind.) HALEY: Hey, (Lucas looks at her.) how's that... casual dating thing working out for ya? LUCAS: So-so. HALEY: Could be worse - Nathan didn't even show up(!) (She walks past him, depressed.) (Lucas looks at her before looking back at Brooke. He turns his back and walks to Peyton.) (Peyton's drinking from her cup.) LUCAS: I don't blame ya. PEYTON: What's that? LUCAS: This music. (Pause) It's enough to drive anyone to drink. (Peyton turns away and drops the earphones.) LUCAS: Mom stuff? PEYTON: I don't know. I don't feel like I owe Ellie a thing. You know? But... I still feel guilty sometimes; for freezing her out. LUCAS: Yeah? PEYTON: I mean, is trusting someone always gonna be impossible in my life? (Pause) Maybe I should at least try with her. (Lucas looks away, holding it back.) PEYTON: (Looks at him.) I see that look again. LUCAS: What look? I don't have a look. PEYTON: Dude,... you've got a tell the size of JLO's ass. (Lucas looks away and scratches his head.) Whaddaya got on Ellie? (Lucas tries to say it but he can't.) PEYTON: Luke,... if I'm a bout to make a huge mistake, please just... help me out. (Lucas waits.) LUCAS: The thing is... I saw her buying drugs in the park today, I'm sorry. (Peyton looks down.) PEYTON: Oh, god(!) (Pause) You know what, it... it makes all the sense in the world, you know? She said she was clean but so far all she's done is lie anyway, so... (Both of them look down - equally depressed.) BROOKE: Is this a funeral? Will you please play something that doesn't make me wanna shoot-up and die? (Lucas looks at her delicately. Peyton shifts the needle of one record and puts one on the other. Normal, Peyton music, starts to play. Brooke smiles and nods.) BROOKE: Thank you. (Peyton looks at Lucas before grabbing her cup.) PEYTON: I need a drink. (Lucas looks at Brooke who shrugs, takes her own cup and walks back off to the party. He sighs and leans on the deck.) (People are having fun, letting off steam before returning to school. Guys are chasing girls with water guns and making out.) (Camera cuts back to Lucas who is making fun of them by dancing like a po-go. Haley stands beside him. Tim is standing by the fire, still playing his guitar in all his nudity, and sweating.) (Brooke walks up to Lucas.) BROOKE: If I were looking for a guy to go skinny-dipping with, would you be that guy? (Smiles and wiggles her eyebrows.) (Lucas laughs before seeing Haley sitting there; upset and alone.) LUCAS: Can I be that guy in twenty minutes? BROOKE: Hmmm... I'll give you fifteen and then I'm going wide with the offer. (She smiles and runs off in the opposite direction. Lucas looks at Haley again before making a decision and walking off-screen.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - EVENING] (Nathan is shooting hoops by himself on the court. Lucas walks up.) LUCAS: How come you're not at the party? NATHAN: (Pause) How come you're not in the gym? You know, that little one-on-one game, that was a joke. And you better get yourself in shape, otherwise you're gonna be completely worthless to me this season. (Pause) Instead of mostly worthless like you are now(!) (He jumps and throws the ball at the hoop again.) LUCAS: I know why you're here, Nathan. (Pause) Haley's not going away, you know? NATHAN: Dude, for once, could you just mind your own damn business? LUCAS: As soon as you forgive her(!) (Nathan looks away.) And try to work things out. (Nathan scoffs.) She loves you, Nate. NATHAN: And is that supposed to make everything OK? LUCAS: (Thinks before answering honestly.) Yeah, it is. NATHAN: (Grins without humour.) You're an idiot. (Nathan chucks that ball again and gets it through the basket. Lucas takes it and groans in annoyance - one step away from punching his brother.) LUCAS: YOU KNOW SOMETHING, NATHAN?! I'VE TRIED WITH YOU! (Pause) BUT SOMETIMES, I WONDER WHY I BOTHER! NATHAN: Then don't. LUCAS: FINE, I WON'T! (Calms down and walks up to him.) You wanna... be a coward? Fine. Stay here and hide(!) Don't go to the party. (Pause) But if you think I'm gonna let you mistreat Haley, you're wrong. Don't try it for a second, because if you do, I'm gonna hurt ya. (Nathan looks away and shakes his head, aware that Lucas' completely serious.) LUCAS: Jackass. (He drops the ball and walks away, leaving Nathan standing there with his hands on his hips.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING] (The camera pans up to a pile of clothes. Lucas stands over them and realises that they are Brooke's. He puts a hand to his head and looks out at the sea. He spots Brooke there with a few guys.) (Haley walks up to him.) HALEY: (Frowning) Well, at least she won't drown naked. (Lucas frowns and looks back. Brooke's with the lifeguards. He's not pleased as he turns and walks away again.) (Tim has thankfully donned some clothes. He's carrying his guitar as he approaches Haley.) TIM: Hey, Tutor Girl, (Points to the sky.) check it out - the stars are blue. (Holds his guitar out to her.) TIM: Do your song. HALEY: Ah, no, thanks. TIM: Why not? (Haley shrugs.) HALEY: Because I don't want to. TIM: Oh, come on, don't be stuck-up. Look, I'll sing the Chris Keller part- (Nathan comes up behind them.) HALEY: Tim, I really don't wanna sing- TIM: Just do it. Please(!) HALEY: I don't know- oh(!) (Nathan grabs the guitar and throws it onto the bonfire then continues walking. The crowd cheers. Tim looks up at him.) TIM: Nathan's back(!) (Rushes off after him.) (Haley looks at them with a smile.) (Cut to Lucas who is standing there, a frown back in place.) (Haley looks at the burning guitar. It's clear how Nathan feels.) (Brooke is out of the water with a blue towel wrapped around her. She grabs her clothes and stops at Lucas.) BROOKE: Lucas. LUCAS: (Says bye to who he was talking to and turns to Brooke.) Hey. BROOKE: You having fun yet? LUCAS: Are you? BROOKE: Yeah. (Smiles) You know, we're never gonna be here again, Luke. Senior; summer; you gotta enjoy it. LUCAS: No, you're right. We should enjoy it. Don't you think that... if we're never gonna be here again, then maybe we should make it mean something to us? (One lifeguard powers up his speaker.) LIFEGUARD: Brooke Davis, do not put your clothes on! (Brooke smiles and looks at Lucas.) BROOKE: Um... LUCAS: (Smiles) Joe calls. (Brooke smiles and leaves. As soon as she's gone, his smile drops and his eyes sadden.) (Cut to Peyton who is back at the deck with her drink. Haley walks up behind her.) HALEY: Hey, girly. (Smiles) I left you like a million messages. Where you been? PEYTON: (Uncaringly) Around. (Haley quickly gets that Peyton is not happy with her. She looks away.) HALEY: Drinking, huh? I should probably join you with the night I'm having. It's like... Tim wants me to play; Nathan won't even talk to me. PEYTON: Well it's not like you don't deserve it(!) (Haley looks at her, hurt. Peyton puts on a different record. 'When The Stars Go Blue' starts up by Haley and Chris. Peyton walks away, past Nathan who is approaching Haley.) (Haley doesn't see him as she sits there, thinking about the husband and friends she has lost.) NATHAN: (Stops) Hey? (Haley looks at him.) NATHAN: Can I talk to you? (Haley smiles and nods as the song continues to play. They walk off onto the beach.) NATHAN: I wanted to say I'm sorry. I should have told you I was back in town. HALEY: (Happy that he's talking to her again.) It's OK. NATHAN: Not really. (Pause) Look, I've been avoiding you because I'm still mad, Haley, about everything. (Pause) And I don't see that changing anytime soon. (Haley nods but doesn't say anything.) NATHAN: You know the last two times I came to the beach? (Looks at her.) For our wedding, and to burn the Wedding Wall. HALEY: So that's what happened to it. NATHAN: Well, first I broke it in half with the keyboard I bought you. And then I burned it. (Haley gets that he's not there to even try and mend the rift.) NATHAN: I'm sorry. HALEY: ...Nathan,... I need to ask you something and I really don't want you to take it the wrong way. (Nathan stops and waits.) HALEY: I need to know what you want from me, or from us. (Thinks) Where are we now? NATHAN: I don't know. HALEY: What do you want us to be? NATHAN: I don't know, Haley. I can't answer that right now. HALEY: I can. I want us to be together. NATHAN: Why? (Pause, off Haley's hurt face.) I mean, we're so far away from... who we used to be. Why even fight for it? HALEY: (Completely sure.) Because I love you. (Nathan looks away and sighs.) NATHAN: Well, listen,... basketball season's coming up and I'm... I'm gonna concentrate on that. So,... you should do your thing, whatever it is; school, music. Something other than me. (Pause) Because,... I really don't know when I'm gonna be ready for us again. (Shrugs) Or even if... I'll be ready for us at all. HALEY: (Distraught) Oh, Nathan, don't say that, god(!) NATHAN: Haley, I'm not saying it to be mean... OK? I don't... I don't like hurting you. I'm just trying to be honest. (Haley doesn't look at him. She barely moves.) NATHAN: (Uncomfortable) I'm gonna head back. Alright? (He walks off. Haley gathers some strength before calling out to him.) HALEY: Nathan!? (He stops and turns back.) HALEY: ...I'm not going anywhere. (She looks at him. He takes a moment.) NATHAN: ... OK. (He walks away. Haley sighs sadly and looks at the stars.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING] (People are still having fun at the party. Lucas walks to Haley and sits beside her. They are separated from the fun and enjoyment.) LUCAS: And then... (Leans back.) there were two. (Pause) Hey, it's not so bad. This is how we started last school year and look how good that turned out. (Haley laughs humourlessly.) LUCAS: (Shakes his head before taking her hand.) Let's take a walk. (Haley looks at him and nods. He hugs her and they walk. Lucas stops as he sees Brooke dancing with the lifeguards.) LUCAS: Give me a minute. (He walks to Brooke who's laughing with the guys. They stop when they see him.) LUCAS: What's going on, guys? LIFEGUARD: What's up? LUCAS: (To Brooke.) You gotta second? BROOKE: Sure, what's up? LUCAS: I'm the guy for you. (Pause) I know we're just part-time, that's cool. You know, do whatever, have your fun. (Smiles) But one of these nights, you're gonna realise it: (Pause) I'm the guy for you, Brooke Davis. (Brooke looks at him, surprised. Lucas turns away but turns back.) LUCAS: You'll see. (Brooke's expression remains the same.) LUCAS: (To the lifeguards.) You guys take it easy. (He walks away. Brooke walks away from the lifeguards, to where Nathan is standing. They watch as Lucas puts his arm around Haley again and they walk off.) (Cut back to Nathan and Brooke. She smiles and nods slightly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAF - DINING AREA - EVENING] (Ellie is sitting at the table, writing something. Peyton enters and walks up to her. She set a phial in front of her.) PEYTON: Here. It used to be my cocaine phial. (They look at each other.) Thought you might like it considering you were buying drugs today. (Peyton looks at her with pain in her eyes before turning and leaving. Ellie doesn't try to deny it. She looks back down at the paper.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING] (The party is still raging.) LUCAS: It's gonna be OK, Hales. As a matter of fact, I... think it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship. (Haley looks at him steadily.) LUCAS: Again. (She laughs and they walk out of the shot.) (Dan walks onto the scene with his own alcohol. He looks at Haley and Lucas near the fire. He smiles and raises the glass to his lips but pauses as he sees Lucas behind the flames.) FLASHBACK TO: [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING] (The fire rages and a figure rounds the corner. The figure is burry as the shots cut between the head and body as well as the flames. Suddenly, the shot comes into focus and Lucas is standing there with an evil gleam in his eyes.) END OF FLASHBACK: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING] (Close-up of the glass in Dan's hand as he squeezes it too hard and it shatters. He looks back up at Lucas with betrayal shining in his eyes. Lucas continues to laugh and joke with Haley as they watch the bonfire.) (Dan seethes with suppressed rage.)

Brooke has an end of the summer party on the beach. Nathan is home from basketball camp. Lucas deals with Brooke's rules for non-exclusive dating. Brooke ends up having a ball with many guys whereas Lucas spends the night alone and then tells Brooke that he is the one for her, which marks the beginning of his mission to become exclusive. Peyton deals with family issues, by confronting her mom about her drug problem, after Lucas witnesses her buying. Haley tries to tell Nathan how she feels, however he is not ready for a relationship yet and is still angry with her. This episode is named after a song by The Cure .

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Scene: The downstairs lobby. Leonard: See, the liquid metal Terminators were created in the future by Skynet, and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson, but that future no longer exists, due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2. Sheldon: Okay, then riddle me this. Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by the future John Connor, why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite hot 17 year-old killer robot? Leonard: Skynet is kinky? I don't know. Sheldon: Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes. Leonard: Alright, oh wait, they use it to in... Sheldon: (Buzzing noise), too late, I win. Penny (voice off, singing, quite tunelessly): Let's go-oh-oh Ou-oooo-ut tonight. I have to go-oh-oh-oh ou-ooooo-ut tonight. Leonard: What the hell is that? Sheldon: I don't know, but if cats could sing, they'd hate it too. (The continue up the stairs and disappear from view). Penny (still singing off): You wanna prowl, be my night owl, (Leonard and Sheldon reappear, running down the stairs) we'll take my... (appearing) Hey guys, hi! Where you going? Leonard: What? Oh we just had to... mail some letters and (seeing Sheldon has large bag in hand and bin is nearby) throw away some chicken. (Sheldon very reluctantly does.) Penny: You'll never guess what just happened. Leonard: Oh, I give up. Sheldon: I don't guess. As a scientist I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation, although as I'm saying this it occurs to me you may have been employing a rhetorical device rendering my response moot. Penny: What was that? Leonard: Believe it or not, personal growth. What happened? Penny: Alright, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent, but I didn't get it and I couldn't figure out why? Sheldon: I have a conclusion based on an observation. Leonard: No you don't. No he doesn't. Penny: Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi, she dropped out and they asked me to replace her. Leonard: Oh, congratulations, what a lucky break. Penny: It's not a big deal, just a one night showcase, but they invite a lot of casting people and agents so, you never know. Sheldon: I think I know. Leonard: No you don't. He doesn't. Penny: It's this Friday at eight, you guys want to come? Together: No. Leonard: Because.... uh, Friday, we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium. Sheldon: I think that's a week from Tuesday at six. Leonard: No, it's this Friday, at eight. Penny: Oh, too bad, well, I got to get to rehearsal, see you guys. Leonard: See you. (Penny exits singing) Sheldon: You just lied to Penny. Leonard: Yes, I did. Sheldon: And you did it so casually, no rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration. Leonard: So? Sheldon: So, lack of a physiological response while lying is characteristic of a violent sociopath. Leonard: Sheldon, are you worried about your safety. Sheldon: No, I imagine if you were going to kill me you'd have done it a long time ago. Leonard: That's very true. Leonard exits. Sheldon looks worried for a moment, then retrieves the chicken from the bin and follows. Credits sequence Scene: Outside Leonard's bedroom. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard... Leonard: What? Sheldon: I need to speak to you. Leonard: It's two o'clock in the morning Sheldon: It's important. Leonard: I highly doubt that. Go away. (Long pause). Are you still out there? Sheldon: Yes. Leonard (opening door): What? Sheldon: You're right, it can wait until morning. Leonard (following Sheldon into living room): What, what, what, what, what? Sheldon: Never mind. I clearly woke you up in the middle of a REM cycle, you're in no state to talk. Leonard: Sheldon, what is it? Sheldon: I'm uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny. Leonard: What was I supposed to say. Sheldon: You could have told her the truth. Leonard: That would have hurt her feelings. Sheldon: Is that a relevant factor? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Then I suppose you could have agreed to go. Leonard: And what would I have said afterwards? Sheldon: I would suggest something to the effect of, singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for you, and if you disagree, I'd recommend you have a CAT scan, to look for a tumour pressing on the cognitive processing centre of your brain. Leonard: I couldn't say that, I would have to say, you were terrific and I can't wait to hear you sing again. Sheldon: Why? Leonard: It's the social protocol, it's what you do when you have a friend who's proud of something they really suck at. Sheldon: I was not aware of that. Leonard: Well now you are. Sheldon: Oh, alright. Leonard. Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: When we played chess earlier, you were terrific and I can't wait to play you again. Goodnight. Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock)..... Leonard: Oooaw. This would be so much easier if I were a violent sociopath. (Opening door) What? Sheldon: I was analysing our lie, and I believe we're in danger of Penny seeing through the ruse. Leonard: How? Sheldon: Simple. If she were to log on to www.socalphysicsgroup.org/activities/other, click on upcoming events, scroll down to seminars, download the pdf schedule, and look for the seminar on molecular positronium, well then, bippidy-boppidy-boo, our pants are metaphorically on fire. Leonard closes door. Sheldon: Well, sir, my trousers will not be igniting today. Scene: Outside Penny's door. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (door opens) Good morning. Penny: Do you have any idea what time it is? Sheldon: Of course I do. My watch is linked to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado. It's accurate to one tenth of a second. But as I'm saying this it occurs to me that once again your question may have been rhetorical. Penny: What do you want? Sheldon: Remember how Leonard told you we couldn't come to your performance because we were attending a symposium on molecular positronium? Penny: I remember symposium. Sheldon: Yes, well, he lied. Penny: Wait, what? Sheldon: He lied, and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about it. Penny: Well imagine how I'm feeling. Sheldon: Hungry? Tired? I'm sorry this really isn't my strong suit. Scene: The living room. Leonard: You told her I lied, why would you tell her I lied? Sheldon: To help you. Leonard: I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the help. Sheldon: She was going to see through your lie eventually, so I told her that you were lying to protect me. Leonard: Oh, I'm getting a bad feeling. Sheldon: Hunger? Indigestion, I'm sorry I'm really not very good at this. Anyway, Penny now believes that on Friday night, we're going to participate in my cousin Leopold's drug intervention. Leonard: Your cousin Leopold? Sheldon: Yea, who most people call Leo, but he also answers to Lee, remember that, it's important. Leonard: What's important? Sheldon: Details, Leonard, the success or failure of our deceitful enterprise turns on details. Leonard: Do you have a cousin Leopold. Sheldon: No, I made him up. I think you'd call him Lee. Leonard: I don't get it, I already told her a lie, why replace it with a different lie? Sheldon: Well, first of all, your lie was laughably transparent, where mine is exquisitely convoluted. While you were sleeping I was weaving an un-unravelable web. Leonard: Un-unravelable? Sheldon: Yes, if she googles Leopold Houston she'll find a facebook page, an online blog depicting his descent into drug use, and a desperate yet hopeful listing on e-harmony.com. Leonard: Okay, why would I go to a drug intervention for your cousing. Sheldon: Ah, because it's in Long Beach, and I don't drive. Leonard: We're going to Long Beach? Sheldon: No, of course not, there's no cousin Leo, there's no intervention, focus Leonard. Leonard: Oh, come on! Sheldon: We just leave the house on Friday night, and we return in the wee hours emotionally wrung out from the work of convincing Leo to go back into rehab. Leonard: So he goes back into rehab? Sheldon: Yes, but, he can relapse if Penny ever invites us to go hear her sing again. Leonard: You still told her I lied. Sheldon: For a noble purpose, to spare me the social embarrassment of having a drug-addled first cousin, which I'm assuming is embarrassing, yes? Leonard: I don't know. How am I supposed to remember all of this. Sheldon: That's the best part, you don't have to, see I told Penny that you would be embarrassed, if you knew that she found out that you had lied, so she's agreed to operate as if the original lie was still in force. Leonard: So she's expecting me to lie about going to a symposium in Pasadena, when in actuality we're pretending to go to a drug intervention in Long Beach? Sheldon: Un-unravelable. Scene: The apartment. Leonard (opening door): Oh hey Penny, wow, look at you, all ready for your showcase, you look great. Penny: Thanks. I just wanted to come by and wish you guys luck with your symposium. Leonard: Oh, well, thankyou. Penny: You know, I got to tell you, a lot of friends would let their friend go alone, but that's not who you are, you are the kind of guy who stands by a friend when... when he has a symposium to go to. Leonard: I don't know what to say. Penny: It's okay, Leonard (hugs him.) Leonard: Oh, okay, alright, good. Howard (arriving): Oh boy, group hug. Penny: Uh-huh! Howard: Uh-huh? Penny: Uh-huh! Howard: Okay. So what's up? Sheldon: Well, uh, Penny is on her way to perform in a one night showcase production of Rent, which we are unable to attend because we are going to a symposium on molecular positronium, given by Dr Emile Farminfarmian. Howard: Wait a minute, Farminfarmian is speaking and you're Bogarding the symposium. Leonard: Howard, I'm sorry... we're... we're Howard: No, no, you're quark-blocking us. Leonard: I don't know what to say. Howard: Wow. Leonard: Howard, listen... Howard: No, it's okay, it's your Millenium Falcon, you and Chewbacca do whatever you want to do. Me and Princess Leia here will find some other way to spend the evening. Penny: Howard, wait. Sheldon, I think we should tell them. Sheldon: Okay, sure. I don't see a problem with that. Penny: There's no symposium, Leonard lied to me, isn't that right Leonard. Leonard: Well... I don't know what to say. Penny: It's okay, I do, look, Leonard is helping Sheldon through a family crisis, he made up the whole story about the symposium with Dr Farmin..farm...ian Sheldon: Good for you. Penny: Hah, yeah! Because he didn't want Sheldon to be embarrassed, and there is nothing to be embarrassed okay, every family in America has a relative holed up in a garage somewhere huffing paint thinner. Howard (after Raj whispers in his ear): No, I'm lost too, I think she skipped a step. Penny: No, look, Sheldon's cousin Leo escaped rehab, and he's in a Motel 8 at Long Beach, the whole family's going out for an intervention. Leonard is driving Sheldon down there to help him through this because he's such a good man. Leonard: Oh, another hug, thank you. Penny: Alright you guys, good luck. Leonard: Thanks Penny. Howard: Yeah, uh, break a leg. Sheldon: Break a leg. (She leaves) Howard: So, road trip to Long Beach. Leonard: No, we're not going to Long Beach. Raj: Why not? Leonard: Because Sheldon doesn't have a drug addicted cousin Leopold. Raj: Oh, too bad. I've always wanted to go to Long Beach. Sheldon: It's a very nice community. The Queen Mary is docked there, once the largest ocean liner in the world, it's now a hotel and restaurant where they host a surprisingly gripping murder mystery dinner. Raj: Sounds fun. Howard: I'm game. Raj: Shotgun. Sheldon: No, no, no, Leonard gets nauseous unless he sits in front, and even then it's iffy. Leonard: Wait, are we really going to Long Beach? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Leonard's bedroom. The bedside table is piled with Queen Mary memorabilia. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard... Leonard: Let it go, Sheldon, the murderer was the first mate whether it makes sense to you or not. Sheldon: No, that's the least of our worries. I've been doing some research on addiction, both the biochemical and behavioural aspects, and I think there's a problem with the current version of our lie. Leonard: What are you talking about, it's fine, she bought it, it's over. Sheldon: Sadly, it's not. Substance abuse is a lifelong struggle, but beyond that I have realised that the Leo I described would not have agreed to go to rehab. Leonard: Why not? Sheldon: Because Leo is a middle child. Leonard: There is no Leo, how can you say that? Sheldon: You didn't read the bio, did you? He's not just a middle child, he's the quintessential middle child, from a broken home to boot. Psychologically speaking, the attention he gets by rebelling even to the point of self-destruction is more emotionally valuable than the help he would get at rehab. Leonard: I've got a solution. Sheldon: Great, what is it? Leonard: Get out. Sheldon: Fine. (He leaves. A moment later he comes back.) I've hesitated to point this out, but I must now remind you that we are in our current predicament because of your initial and totally inadequate deceit. I'm just trying to clean up after your mess. (Leonard throws a glass ornament at him. He just manages to shut the door in time.) We'll talk in the morning. Scene: The living room. Leonard enters in his dressing gown. There is a strange man eating cereal at the kitchen table. Strange man: Morning. Leonard: Who are you? Man: I am Sheldon's cousin Leo. Leonard: Oh, God! Sheldon does not have a cousin Leo. Man: Au contraire. I'm 26 years old, I'm originally from (reads off crib notes) Denton, Texas, but I was a Navy brat so I was brought up on a variety of military bases around the world, as a result I've often felt like an outsider, never really fitting in, which is probably the reason for my substance abuse problem. Sheldon: Excuse me, we just went over this. As the quintessential middle child, your addiction is rooted in your unmet need for attention. Man: Oh, Sheldon, are we really going to go with pop psychology. Sheldon: For your information, this is all based on solid research, stick with the character profile I wrote for you. Leonard: Sheldon? Sheldon: I'm sorry, Leonard, this is Toby Loobenfeld, he's a research assistant in the particle physics lab, but he also minored in theatre at MIT. Toby: It was more of a double major actually. Theatre and physics. You can guess which one my bourgeois parents pushed me towards. Leonard: Yeah, I got it, Sheldon, why? Sheldon: Well, you see, while Leo would not have gone into rehab, it is completely plausible that we would have talked him into leaving the motel, and coming home with us. Leonard: Oh...! Toby: Sheldon, how about this as my motivation. When I was fourteen years old I was abused in the Philippines by a club footed Navy chaplain. Sheldon: No. We're going with middle child, and a generic predisposition to inadequate serotonin production. Toby: Swell, how do I play genetic predisposition? Sheldon: Subtextually, of course. (There is a knock on the door.) Just have fun with it. (Opening door.) Morning Penny. Penny: Hi. How did the intervention go. Sheldon: Unfortunately, we weren't able to convince him to go to rehab. Penny: Well, based on what you told me, I'm not surprised. Sheldon: But we did convince him to leave the motel. Come say hello. Leo, this is Penny, our friend and neighbour. Penny: Hi Leo, how are you feeling? Toby: Let me ask you something, Penny. Have you ever woken up in a fleabag motel, covered in your own vomit, next to a transsexual prostitute? Penny: No. Toby: Then don't ask me how I'm feeling. Leonard: Well, that's Leo. Hey, um, why don't you tell me about your showcase last night? Penny: Oh, it was okay I guess, wasn't a big turn out but they both really seemed to like it. Leonard: There were only two people there? Penny: By the end. Yeah. Toby: Damn you, Chaplain Horrigan! Penny: I'm... I'm sorry. Toby: The Philippines. 1992. The Subic Bay Naval Station. A young boy on the cusp of manhood. His only companions mongrel dogs and malarial mosquitos. Desperate and alone he reached out to a man who promised to introduce him to a merciful, loving God, but who instead introduced him to a gin pickled tongue shoved down his adolescent throat. What choice did he have but to drink, shoot and snort his pain away. Sheldon: Don't forget his genetic predisposition towards addiction. Toby: That's never been proven. Sheldon: There have been studies. Toby: Not double blind studies. Sheldon: How could there be a double blind study, who would be the control group. Leonard: As you can see, detoxing can get pretty ugly, let's give them some privacy. Penny: Yeah. Hey, do you want to come over to my place, have coffee? Leonard: Sounds good. Penny: I have a video of me singing last night, do you want to see it? Leonard: Gee, why wouldn't I? Penny: This is even better than you coming to the showcase, because now I get to watch you watch me. Leonard: Yeah! Funny how things work out. Toby: And that he loved the companionship and the wisdom that his own father failed to provide. Sheldon: Your parents made the right decision. Toby: I cannot work like this! Scene: The apartment. Penny is on the sofa with Toby. They are watching TV. Toby: This is amazing. Just sitting on a couch, watching TV with a woman. Not being drunk, or high, or... or... wondering if you're a dude down there. Penny: Leo, you are a very sweet, really funny guy. You're gonna do okay. Toby: One day at a time, Penny, one day at a time. Leonard: How long is he going to stay here. Sheldon: He's a homeless drug addict, Leonard, where is he going to go? Boy, you have a lot to learn about lying.

Penny is given a part in the musical Rent, but after Leonard and Sheldon hear her off-key singing (Sheldon commenting, "if cats could sing, they'd hate it too"), Leonard lies to avoid having to see her perform and hurt her feelings. Sheldon, worried that Leonard's lie was inadequate, devises an intricate lie about his nonexistent drug-addicted cousin "Leopold Houston" needing an intervention the night of the play). Sheldon is so obsessed with his lie's credibility that he has Toby Loobenfeld, a research assistant who double majored in Physics and Theatre, impersonate cousin "Leo" to convince Penny the lie is true. In the end, Leonard must still see the video of Penny's performance, and Penny and "Leo" start flirting.

fd_The_Office_06x03

fd_The_Office_06x03_0

Dwight: [in Michael's office] Could you please sign my expense report? Michael: No way, no how. Expense reports are a day-to-day item. That is Jim's now. I am exclusively big picture, epic. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [in Jim's office] Sign this. Jim: Ah, ah, ah. Where's the "please"? We're not animals. Dwight: Sign it. Jim: No, not without a "please." Dwight: Idiot. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [in Michael's office] I have a complaint about Jim. Michael: That is not big picture. Dwight: I would like to file a huge, enormous, massive complaint about the tallest guy in our office. Michael: ... Okay. Dwight: Jim won't sign my expense report. Michael: That is not-- okay-- that is day-to-day. Dwight: No, that is huge. Michael: You're trying to trick me. Dwight: This has to do-- Michael: Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [in Jim's office] I'd like to lodge a complaint. Jim: I'm sorry to hear about that. Who is this about? Dwight: You! Jim: Okay. Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously. So... When did this happen? Dwight: One minute ago. Jim: Okay. And how do you feel? Dwight: Angry. Jim: All right. Did he hit you? Dwight: No. Jim: Did you cry? Dwight: No. Jim: Did you feel like crying? Dwight: No. Jim: I'm just gonna write "held back tears." Dwight: Wait, stop writing that. That is not true. Jim: If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it. Dwight: I'm not cr-- uhh! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I deserved that promotion, not Jim. Oh, man. Makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold and force him down to the ground and just keep pressing and pressing. And then flip him over and then put him in a hammer lock! And he's gasping, he's panting! Every last breath! And the crowd is going crazy. And boom! I emerge victorious! [claps hands and stands up] Aha! $18,000 and a chance at the title! Ooh hah! Erin: [at the door] Dwight, Jim wants you to keep it down. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Everyone, now would be a good time to freshen up, because I'd like everyone to meet in the conference room in five minutes. And I suggest that you bring a snack, because we may be in there for a while. Jim: Michael... Michael: Yes? Jim: Can I talk to you in my office for a second? Michael: Mmm, sure, but could I first talk to you in my office? Stanley: Can I also be a boss? [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Look, it doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I have noticed that we-- Michael: Welcome. Jim: Thank you. I've noticed we've been having a lot of conference room meetings. Michael: Mm-hmm. Jim: And I'm wondEring if perhaps those are a bit, um-- Michael: Disruptive. Jim: Yes. Michael: No, I don't think they are. I think the meetings are very important. Jim: Okay, maybe we should talk specifics. Michael: Let's do. Jim: Okay. Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets. Michael: N-- well, to be fair, Jim... James... Jimothy... To be fair, Jimothy, the-- ah, that sounds weird. Are you okay with being called Jim? Jim: I am. Michael: Alright. Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets... Jim: Right. Michael: At first, we were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets, and I think by the end, we all learned a little bit about how small we are. Jim: Yes, I agree. Michael: Because it's a big universe, and we're all just little, tiny specks of dust. Jim: I just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day. Michael: You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea. Jim: You mean on a weekend? Michael: Yes. Jim: How about this? I think our goal should be we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential. Michael: Alright. No more meetings this week. Jim: Really? You just agreed to that? Michael: I can be very suprising. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: What's going on? Pam: I need to fit into my wedding dress. However, I'm also pregnant. Ryan: You know, it's a myth that women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight. Phyllis: Hey, did you guys register for wedding gifts? Pam: We did, but mostly because people expect us to. We're also accepting other gifts not on the registry... However much. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: It's awkward asking people for money, but we could really use it. Why doesn't Crate & Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash? [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Perfect. I hate registries. Pam: Oh, good. Phyllis: My cousin makes the most amazing romantic birdhouse mailboxes. I know I shouldn't tell you, but you'll still be suprised when you see it. You're not registered for a birdhouse, are you? Pam: No, we're not. Phyllis: Good. Good. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Mm-hmm? Jim: [walks in, see's Oscar, Stanley, Creed and Kelly sitting in Michaels office] Okay, I thought I saw people missing. Michael: Yeah, just focus-grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. Got one of each. Jim: Really? Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came through the door? Michael: Stanley, you don't need to answer that. Jim: Stanley? Stanley: "If you don't smell this, you're fired." Jim: Okay, Michael, I thought we agreed to not take up people's time with meetings like these. Michael: What do you mean by "these people"? Jim: Michael, this is a conference room meeting. Michael: Oh, hey, everybody, I think that Jim has gone insane, because he thinks that my office is a conference room. Jim: That's not what I meant. Michael: Listen, Jim, no offense, but when push comes to shove, what I want is more important that what you want. Jim: I disagree. Michael: What do you guys think? [all start talking at the same time] Jim: Great. Guys, can I just have a moment alone with Michael? Michael: No, no, no, you don't need to go anywhere. Anything that Jim has to say to me, he can say in front of these types of people. Jim: That is not what I said, and, also, I am co-manager, meaning you are not the only manager anymore. I am also I co-manager. Michael: That is not what Wallace told us. Jim: That's exactly what Wallace told us. Michael: That is not the way I heard it. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: I love rivalries-- Michael or Jim, Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C. It's so much fun. But I guess if I'm really thinking about it and answEring your question honestly, I'd have to go with L.C. Heidi's a bad friend, and her skin is terrible. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It is one thing, me giving you the co-manager title. It is another thing, you bossing me around. Jim: I'm not bossing you around. I'm trying to do my job, which is sharing your job, so maybe we should just call David Wallace. Michael: No, no, no. No, we will not call David Wallace. [Michael pulls out his cell phone] I will call David Wallace. Erin: David Wallace is on line two for you guys. Michael: Or David Wallace will call us on line two. Why don't we just-- Jim: Hey, David. You got Jim here. Michael: Hey David, this is Michael, senior co-manager. David Wallace: Hey guys, um, I'm calling, because, unfortunately, we will not be able to give out cost of living raises this year, and I know people expect it. However, there just is only a small amount of money for each branch, so we're leaving it up to the managers to decide how to distribute it. Michael: Got it, Dave. Sounds like your classice big-picture decision. Jim: Which will clearly affect the day-to-day well-being of our employees. David Wallace: It's probably a little of both. Michael: Which is it more of? David Wallace: Excuse me? Jim: David, I know that I'm very new at this, but I have a very good perspective on how things work. David Wallace: Wait, I'm sorry. Michael, are you-- are you texting me? Michael: I thought maybe we could talk after this is over. David Wallace: Look, I need you both to take care of this. This is not going to be a problem, is it? Jim: Nope, not at all. Michael: No, it will not be. I am on top of it. David Wallace: Very good. Jim: Alright, thanks alot, David. Michael: Talk to you later-- [Jim hangs up] Okay, you didn't let me say good-bye. [sighs, and claps hands once] Alright, I am looking forward to this. Jim: You don't have to lie. Michael: I hate the fact that we have to do this together. I think we work better separately. When I am irritated and I look at you, I don't see you anymore. Jim: Right. Michael: All I can see is how big and gross the pores on your nose are. Jim: Alright. Let's get started. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: Hey, why haven't we ever, um... Meredith: We have. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know, there's no easy way to do this. I say we add 1.5% to their paychecks and don't say anything about it. Jim: Do you mean, like break-in in the middle of the night and change the numbers on payroll? Michael: No, we can do it during the day. It doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim. Jim: Okay. You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options. Michael: Jim, don't take this the wrong way. Are you gonna take this the wrong way? Jim: It's hard to tell so far. Michael: You use your brain too much. Jim: I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less? Michael: Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all. Jim: You just came up with that. Michael: As I was saying it. Jim: Yeah. Okay, so for the 1.5% increase, pro-- everyone gets a little bit. Michael: [in nerdy voice] Con-- you look like a nerd. Jim: Con-- no one gets as much as they did last year. Michael: Pro-- you get to share your pros and cons list with the other nerds. Jim: Pro-- no favoritism. Michael: Con-- you unzip your pants, and you find that there's a calculator down there. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I've been studying Michael for years, and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart-- [pulls out a pie chart] How Michael spends his time. As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others, and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. I made it bigger, so that you could see it. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Hey, Pam, I heard that you were registered, but I didn't hear where. Pam: I don't think we registered anywhere. We just want cash. Kevin: Like money? Like you-- you want my money? Pam: Mm-hmm. Kevin: Will you take a check? Pam: Yeah. Kevin: Cool. In the memo line, I'm gonna write, "To love's eternal glory." Pam: Okay. Kevin: Wait til' Monday. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Is this what I've become? Materialistic? Shallow? I feel horrible. [looks down at the check] oh look! "Mrs. Pam Halpert!" That's the first time I've seen it in writing! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You know, the more I think about it, the more I think we should give it to the salesmen. Michael: That will not go over well. Jim: I know. I just think it seems smart to keep the salesmen happy right now. 'Course I know that this might come off as biased, so you know what? Let us... Michael: Oh, my God! Are you gonna make another pro and con list? I'm gonna kill myself. Jim: I'm not gonna let you stop me from thinking. Michael: No! I could not do that, Jim. I can see it in your crusty little eyes that you are going to make everything perfect. If I can just think this through, if I could just think it exactly right, I can make this perfect, and then I can go down every avenue, and every avenue off of that avenue, and then another avenue. Jim: Michael. Michael: And then another-- Jim: Look, you have a lot of strengths. Michael: Oh, I do?! Tell me what they are. Jim: I think that you are able to take constructive criticism very well. Michael: Ha! That-- I am not known for that! Jim: But there is a reason why I'm here! Michael: Yes! You went over my head to Wallace! Jim: No, it's because you also have a lot of weaknesses, Michael! Michael: Okay. Well, why don't you tell me what those are, Jim? Why don't you enliven me? Jim: I don't think you're good at making tough decisions! Michael: Ah. Jim: At thinking out the options, and then stating that decision very clearly, especially when it's an unpopular decision. Michael: Okay, here's a tough decision for you. You suck! You suck! Is that clear enough for you?! Jim: But maybe I'm here for a reason, because I might have some good ideas, too. I've been sitting out there, and I've been learning a lot, and maybe I can just bring something different to the table. Michael: Okay, Skippy, here we go. Why don't you run yourself out there and tell them? [laughs] You call it. Jim: [leave the conference room to address everyone] Michael: [to the camera] This had better be terrible. Jim: Could I have everyone's attention, please? I have some tough news, so I'm just gonna give it to you straight. Truth is, we only have so much money for raises this year, so the simple fact is some people will get raises, and some people won't. Now, what we've decided is, we are gonna give those raises to the sales staff. Meredith: Wait. Seriously?! Jim: Look, you guys are smart, so I'm just leveling with you. I'm just trying to treat you like adults. Oscar: Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people. Angela: But, I do not understand. If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises? Oscar: Excellent question, genius. It's because Jim wants to give the raises to his friends and the people he sleeps with. Jim: Ooh, easy. That's not it at all. Oscar: Well? Jim: Really what it is, is about the money the sales staff brings into the office. Kelly: [walks in from shopping, with bags in her hands] What's going on? Kevin: Jim is only giving raises to the salesmen. Kelly: What the hell?! Why are you being such a jerk?! Oscar: Hold on, Kelly. Would it help you to know that Jim thinks you're smart? Kelly: No! [put's down her bags] How is that gonna repair Ryan's car?! Dwight: This is ridiculous! How could he do this to us?! Jim: Okay, Dwight, you know what? You'd be getting the raise so-- Dwight: What about all these people, huh?! How is it fair to them?! Oscar: Exactly! Kevin: Totally! Oscar: We work just as hard as the sales people. We deserve raises. Creed: Yes. Angela: Yes. They don't get 'em, if we don't get 'em! Meredith: My kid needs shoes! You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes?! Kevin: Yeah. Dwight: Her kid needs shoes, Jim! Meredith: What the hell?! [everyone complaining at Jim] Jim: Wow! I'm just gonna rewind and back off a bit, so... [imitates a tape rewinding and chuckles, Michael comes over by Jim laughing] Michael: That was good! That was good! Okay, all right. Well, we all know it's hard to be a boss, right? You know what? Look around you. These are your best friends. These are the people who will open their hearts to you. They all have heart-ons for you [someone growns in disgust], and that is a gift. So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. This-- Angela: What are you talking about Michael? Stanley: We just need to hear your plan for our raise. Michael: My plan-- a man-- panama. Andy: That's not how that goes. Meredith: You're not saying anything. At least Jim was being direct... Jim: Thank you, Meredith. Meredith: ...when he was telling us his dumbass plan. Oscar: We would just like to know what's happening. Are we getting a raise, yes or no? Michael: Alright! Let me get this clear! Does everybody want a raise? [all say yes] Alright, everyone wants a raise, so what we're going to do is go into here, and we will not come out until we do. Oscar: Again, that gives us no information. Phyllis: This isn't a game, you know? It's our livelihood! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What about a raise based on merit? Jim: Rank each person individually? Michael: Mm-hmm. Piece of cake. Ryan, obviously the best. Jim: [sarcastically] Well, obviously. Too bad he's a temp and doesn't count, so let's get started. [starts to write on a piece of paper] Michael: Are you making a-- Jim: Nope. I'm numbering the paper. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: [everyone talking to the camera] Just-- Kevin: Yeah, I don't understand how they can even consider giving money to some people and not the rest of us. Angela: It's not like we're not gonna see the checks. We're in accounting! Meredith: I am so pissed at this company! Dwight: [out the side of his mouth] And Jim! Meredith: Yeah. Who said that? Dwight: I think it was Creed. Creed: Yep. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [to camera] It's going really well, actually. Jim: [to camera, holds up a bean] Each Boston Baked Bean represents half a percent raise. We each got 24 beans, so the idea is, you place the bean on the picture [walking around the table] of who you think deserv-- who's that? [picture that Michael drew of toby, looks like a monster] Michael: Toby. Jim: He's not a part of this. You know that. Michael: Just wanted to draw a picture of him. Jim: Okay, your move. Michael: Alright! Who to pick? [walking around the table] Who to pick? Jim: Here we go. Michael: I... will skip a turn. Jim: Okay, you're gonna still have to play that bean. You know that. Michael: I need more time. Erin: Wallace sent an e-mail about a meeting next week. He wants you both to respond. [Michael and Jim leave, Dwight sneaks in] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. It's great. Eventually, they'll rise up and revolt. My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. If the people here were our founding fathers, the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years, because Stanley Washington was napping, and Phyllis Hancock was still signing the declaration, and Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Come on in. [everyone looking around at all the pictures and beans on the table] That's right. Come in, feast your eyes. They determine our worth by putting beans upon our faces. Oscar: What the hell?! Dwight: Things were not this bad when just Michael was manager. Michael: Hey, what are you guys doing in here? Kevin: What does a bean mean? Pam: Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me? Kevin: Michael, what does a bean mean? Pam: Jim? Jim: I was just trying to be unbiased. Kevin: What does a bean mean?! Oscar: Someone please explain it to Kevin. Meredith: Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours. Phyllis: Not according to the beans. Angela: This is how you make this important decision? Andy: There's no way that Stanley gets more beans than me. [starts to take Stanley's beans, Stanley swats Andy's hand with his crossword puzzle] That is ridiculous. This is how it works. [everyone continues to argue] [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: It's not so much that I might not get a raise. It's just demeaning! Andy: Thank you! That is exactly-- by the way, I would also like a raise. Phyllis: Yeah, I would, too. Dwight: Are we idiots? [gets up, starts walking around] What right does Jim have to claim authority, hmm? Is he as good a salesman as I? Is he as matronly as Phyllis? There are moments where we can affect change. For a few seconds every decade, we exist, and these are those seconds! Let us storm his castle! Come on! Tick-- let's get him. Tock-- let's get Jim! Tick-- and drag Jim out of his office! Tock-- take his keys away from him! Tick-- that's a clock! The time is getting very close! It's now or never! What say you?! Phyllis: I say no. Dwight: No, I mean, what do you say to my plan? [all groan] Okay. Michael: [leaving his office, hurrying to Jim's office] Kevin: What does a bean mean? Michael: [in Jim's office] How you doing? Jim: Uh, on a scale of one to ten, I'd say I'm about a four. Michael: Oh, what are you usually? Jim: Six. You? Michael: Usually a ten, but I'm feeling like a zero. Jim: I mean, a performance-based raise sounded like a good idea, right? Michael: I know, I know. Jim: We tried to find the fairest way to do it. Michael: Yes, we did. Jim: I just-- what? Michael: Um, nothing. I just... I used to have to do this part alone, and it was the worst. I have something I would like to give you. [leaves office] Phyllis: Michael! Kevin: Michael! Phyllis: Come on! This isn't fair! Jim: [to camera] Michael's my only friend left in the office. Except Pam... I think. Is she still upset? Phyllis: [at Michael return to Jim's office] Michael, you cannot just keep avoiding us like this! Jim: [Michael give Jim a "World's Best Boss" mug] Thank you. Michael: You're welcome. Jim: What's in here? Michael: Gin. [toast, sip] Jim: Ooh! Michael: [someone knocks] Just pretend we're not here. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Heard you guys are looking for cash for the wedding? Pam: Yeah, I mean, if it's all the same for you. Ryan: Question for you. Would you guys rather have $100 now, or $5,000 a year from now? Pam: $100 now for sure. Ryan: Because you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, I put in a hundred of my own money as the gift... Pam: Yeah. No, no, I'll um-- the hundred. I'll just take the hundred. Ryan: Instead of $5,000 a year from now? Pam: How sure is this? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: The guy has an algorithm to determine the winner of any given college basketball game. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [writes a check, gives to Ryan] Don't tell Jim.

Jim and Michael's management styles clash, especially after David's budget will only allow a small or no raise this year. Chaos in the office relating to this ends up bringing them together. Dwight fails in his attempt to raise allies against Jim. Pam feels awkward asking for cash instead of wedding gifts.

fd_Alias_04x04

fd_Alias_04x04_0

Scene opens to a Middle Eastern indoor marketplace. There are various stalls selling metal wares, goats, etc. Pan to a bearded Caucasian man in his 30s (Modell), dressed in shorts, polo shirt and baseball cap wanders through the crowd mumbling to stray passerby: MODELL: My bird is missing. MODELL: My bird is missing. Watching this, Weiss (who is also dressed casually) rolls his eyes and sidles up behind Modell to tell him: WEISS: It's "I've lost my canary," and try telling it to the woman in the caf upstairs. Weiss shakes his head as Modell walks away. He threads his way through the crowd. We see he passes Vaughn, also dressed in casual clothing, pretending to look at some wares as he watches the staircase up to the caf . Modell finds casually dressed Sydney sitting at a table drinking a cup of espresso. He sits down and says: MODELL: I've lost my canary. SYDNEY: You should have clipped its wings. Modell crosses his arms together and shivers a little bit. MODELL: It's weird. Are you cold? I'm kind of cold. It's probably nerves. It's not like I've ever stol Dixon walks up, dressed in indigenous clothes, posing as a waiter in the caf . In Arabic, he asks: DIXON: Anything for your friend? SYDNEY: No thanks. Dixon melts back into the background and resumes his watchpost. MODELL: Now can I see my money? SYDNEY: As soon as you show me the weapon. MODELL: Umm. Yeah. Funny thing about that. The weapon might take a little while. Only way I could smuggle it out. (Leaning forward and half-whispering) I swallowed it. Cut to Vaughn at his post in the downstairs part of the marketplace. As he eyes the crowd, he notices a slight blonde woman browsing at a stall across the way. Her back is to him and he continues to stare until she finally turns and we see she is an innocent stranger. She moves along and Vaughn lets out a tortured sigh. Just then a man walks out from behind another stall, and he doesn't look like he's shopping. Cut to Sydney as she listens. VAUGHN (comm): We have company. Single white male downstairs in the back. MODELL (reacting to the look on Sydney's face): What's wrong? SYDNEY: You didn't follow our safety protocols, did you? MODELL (as if shocked she could think such a thing): What? Of course I did. Why wouldn't I? SYDNEY: You were followed. Modell whips his head around, looking for the potential threat. Sydney turns her head and spots another man casing the market. SYDNEY (comm) : I've got a second white male. Cut to Dixon's view of the market. DIXON (comm): I see another two. Strike that, three more. SYDNEY (comm): Going to plan B. MODELL: What's plan B? SYDNEY: Come on. Sydney gets up and grabs Modell by the hand, pulling him along and back toward the staircase. Instantly, the men that Dixon had seen start running after them. Cut to Sydney and Modell running down the staircase. Cut to Weiss, starting up the escape van and pulling it into position. Cut to Dixon tripping and taking out the men he'd seen as they run by him. Cut to Sydney and Modell as the exit the bottom of the staircase. SYDNEY: Come on, come on The target that Vaughn had seen raises a pistol to shoot Modell, but Vaughn clocks him in the face with a metal urn. Cut to Syd and Modell, weaving through the crowd, heading toward the main exit. The man that Sydney had spied comes running from the side, tackling Modell into one of the stalls. Sydney whacks him in the face with a metal pot. She reaches down and helps Modell back to his feet. He groans and says: MODELL: I can't make it. SYDNEY: You don't have a choice. Cut to the van pulling into position at the exit. Cut to Dixon searching the crowd. DIXON (comm): Anybody have a 20 on the last guy? Cut to Sydney and Modell as they walk quickly toward the exit. Suddenly and inexplicably, Modell's left leg breaks off at mid calf as if it were a piece of china. There's no blood, just this leg piece. A glance of Modell shows his leg where it broke of is also not bleeding. Modell starts to gasp and reaches down toward his broken off leg in horror. Sydney stares at him in horrified shock. As Modell gasps, Vaughn rushes up and they each take Modell under and arm and drag him backward toward the van, abandoning Modell's leg. Weiss throws open the back of the van, waiting for them. As they drag Modell, it appears as if his he's no longer moving. We see the final mark taking aim with a pistol at Modell as Dixon comes up behind him. Dixon hits the man's arm, but the shot is already away. We follow the camera is if we are the bullet as it targets Modell's head and His entire body shatters into tiny frozen pieces that shower over Vaughn, Weiss and Sydney. As they exchange horrified looks, we: CUT TO BLACK Alias Theme (Or, now is the time in Alias when we dance!) [SCENE_BREAK] Guest Starring: Kelly MacDonald Mark Aiken Richard Speight, Jr. ed by Hughes Winborne music by Michael Giacchino production designer Scott Chambliss dir of photography Donald Thorin, Jr. Producers Monica Breen & Alison Schapker supervising producer Lawrence Trilling supervising producers Josh Appelbaum & Andre Nemec co-exec producer Jeffrey Bell co-exec producer Jesse Alexander co-exec producer Jeff Pinkner exec producer Jeff Melvoin exec producer Ken Olin exec producer J.J. Abrams produced by Sarah Caplan written and directed by Jeffrey Bell [SCENE_BREAK] Open to daytime establishing shot of LA via helicopter. Cut to Vaughn in an elevator as the doors open. He's got stubble on his face, his hair is more bedheaded than usual and he looks very tired. He lets out a sigh as he steps out of the elevator (which opens up into the main hallway of APO) and starts walking down the hallway. Sydney walks into the hallway via the subway entrance and calls out to him. SYDNEY: Hey. Vaughn turns back to face Sydney. VAUGHN: Hey. Vaughn gives her a strained smile. Instantly, she notices something is wrong with Vaughn. SYDNEY: God, you look awful. VAUGHN (with amused sarcasm): Thank you. Good morning. Sydney assesses him and asks seriously, SYDNEY: You all right? He purses his lips but nods, shrugging off whatever is bothering him. VAUGHN: Yeah, yeah. It's not every day you see a guy shatter into a million pieces. SYDNEY: Yeah. They walk together down the hallway. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Sloane's office, where he is giving a post-mission briefing. SLOANE: Two weeks ago, the CIA was contacted by an American ex-patriot named Derek Modell. Mr. Modell, for reasons more pecuniary than patriotic, stole a sample of a new biological agent from an arms dealer in Montenegro. He called it "Ice 5", and offered it to the Agency for ten thousand dollars. [Note: "Ice nine" was an imaginary weapon created by Kurt Vonnegut for his book, Cat's Cradle. It does pretty much the same thing as Ice 5, instantly crystallizing (freezing) water. Ice nine is also an imaginary computer virus from the movie "The Recruit". I don't remember what it did, but it was something absurdly unrealistic.] JACK: As you know, Mr. Modell failed to comply with any number of safety protocols we'd outlined and he was followed and killed before the exchange could be completed. WEISS: Killed? He exploded like a frozen pinata. SLOANE: We believe his death was caused by this biological agent he was transporting. SYDNEY: You're saying this stuff turned Modell into a human popsicle. Marshall raises his hand as if he wished to be called on in class as he stutters, MARSHALL: If I may, I might be able to.. if you're all curious... elucidate. Marshall stands up and begins to explain. MARSHALL: Well we know this guy, Modell, he swallowed the sample to smuggle it out, kind of like a drug mule. (He stands up, holding a small canister inside a plastic bag up for all to see.) Based on some tests, we found the sample in this medical container. It was found in the van mixed with the... WEISS: Chunks. MARSHALL: Yeah. Chunks. MARSHALL: This was not meant to be swallowed. It probably started leaking as soon as it got into his stomach. And then, when he was tackled, bam, complete rupture, instant OD. NADIA: When you say instant OD, you mean it instantly froze him? MARSHALL: Well, not exactly. It didn't really freeze him as much as freeze-dry him. It crystallized him in seconds. VAUGHN: So the mission was a bust. WEISS: So to speak. SLOANE: Now this man, Derek Modell, spent the last nine months as a relief worker at the hospital Sava in Montenegro. He believed that Ice 5 was being covertly developed there by a man named Fenton Keene. Sloane puts a photo of Keene up on the screen. DIXON: Haven't heard that name in a while. SLOANE: That's because Mr. Keene claims to have gone legitimate. SYDNEY(dripping sarcasm): Seems to be all the rage among evil geniuses. SLOANE: Fenton Keene is wanted by just about everybody, but he's protected. He runs his arms and drug op out of Montenegro, taking advantage of its political instability. DIXON: You want us to take down Keene? JACK: The director simply wants us to obtain a viable sample of Ice 5. SLOANE: So, Sydney, we're sending you into Montenegro as a relief worker from the UK branch of Omnifam. I want you to understand this is not a tactical mission. We go in, obtain the Ice 5, and come out. I don't want anyone else getting this before we do. That's all. Good luck. Cut to Vaughn in the break room, pouring himself a large cup of coffee. Jack walks in under the guise of getting himself coffee. As he pours, he asks, JACK: Is there something on your mind, agent Vaughn? Vaughn shakes his head slightly. VAUGHN: No, not really. Jack takes a sip of his coffee, his eyes never leaving Vaughn's face from over the rim of the cup. Clearly, Jack doesn't believe him. Finally, Vaughn admits, VAUGHN: I'm not sleeping very well. Instantly, Jack knows what's wrong. JACK: It's Lauren, isn't it? VAUGHN: I think I see her sometimes or I thought I saw her in the market in Algeria. That ever happen with you? JACK: (sarcastic) Do I have visions of Lauren? VAUGHN (also sarcastic): I don't know many people who killed the woman they were married to. I was just wondering if that's what happens. JACK(seriously): It did. Now it doesn't. Cut back to Vaughn through the windows of the room as Jack walks away, leaving him alone with his thoughts. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Sydney and Nadia in Sydney's house as Sydney packs for the op. SYDNEY: I'm taking the last of the toothpaste. NADIA: It's okay. I'm going to the store later. SYDNEY: Do you know how excited I am that I'm not the only one going to the store? NADIA: You need anything? SYDNEY: No, I'm good. Thanks. Nadia looks onto a side table and notices a small pile of old pictures there. Hesitantly, she picks them up and motions toward Sydney with them. NADIA: You mind if I...? SYDNEY: No, go ahead. Nadia flips through the pictures. NADIA: Are these our mother? Nodding, Sydney says, SYDNEY: There was a fire. I lost all the pictures I had of her, so I asked my dad if he had any, and he found those... the only ones he hadn't thrown out. Nadia holds one out for Sydney to see. It is of a very young Irina holding a baby. NADIA: Is this you? SYDNEY: I don't know who the baby is. NADIA: I've never seen pictures of her like this. Just the official stuff. I haven't seen much There is a pause, and then the doorbell rings. SYDNEY: It's Vaughn. Nadia hugs Sydney and they exchange kisses on the cheek. NADIA: Be safe. SYDNEY: You too. Cut back to Nadia studying the picture of Irina holding the baby. Hold on the picture then, CUT TO BLACK [SCENE_BREAK] M[O]NTENEGRO Daytime establishing shot of Sava hospital in Montenegro. Cut to Sydney dressed in prim turtleneck, blazer and pants, hair up in a bun and granny-type glasses. She is walking down a crowded hospital hallway next to a pretty woman in her 30's dressed in a lab coat. KIERA: I hope you're not squeamish. From time to time they send me a squeamish one. It never ends well. SYDNEY (with slight English accent): I'm not squeamish, though most of my work with Omnifam has been administrative. KIERA: We'll fix that, have you patching folks up in no time. SYDNEY: You're a doctor? KIERA: Nurse by training. Doctor, janitor, and babysitter by default. SYDNEY: Sounds overwhelming. KIERA: Nothing a bit of Bushmills and a few Hail Mary's can't cure. Sydney and Kiera walk by a nurses station where a plain-clothes Dixon in workman's disguise stands filling out paperwork. Surreptitiously watching them walk by, he murmurs into his comm, DIXON (comm): Phoenix is in play. Cut to Vaughn at the safehouse, monitoring via a computer with a satellite link. VAUGHN (comm): Copy that. Cut back to Dixon. DIXON (comm): I know it's too risky, but I wish she was wearing a transmitter. Cut back to Vaughn. VAUGHN (comm): She will once they trust her. (teasing) Besides, it'll give you a chance to brush up on some of your old-school tricks. Back to Dixon, smiling. DIXON (comm): Hey. A little respect for your elders. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Sydney in Kiera's office as she speaks to someone on a cell phone. She hands Sydney a lab coat and Sydney puts it on. KIERA (into cell): No, I'm not happy. You promised we'd have the test tube kits two days ago and we're still waiting. Kiera hands Sydney a pair of latex gloves. Sydney goes to pocket them, but Kiera shakes her head no and motions for Sydney to put them on her hands. She does. KIERA (into cell): Tell you what. Our cafeteria locked into about twenty crates of fresh strawberries. You have my kits here by dawn tomorrow and I'll cut you in for half the fruit. Nay, fresh as in not old or frozen. You're amazing. Thank you. Kiera looks at Sydney, satisfied that she's now ready for her first day. Nodding, she says to Sydney, KIERA: Okay then. Cut to Kiera and Sydney walking down another hallway. KIERA: There's more work than we can do, so you'll need to pace yourself. Be quick, but don't hurry. I've gone through nine relief workers in the past six weeks. I'd hate to lose another. SYDNEY: Don't worry, I'll be fine. KIERA: That, madame, is what they all say. Let's find out. Kiera opens the door to a patient's room and they both stand in the doorway. An elderly gentleman who's suffering from some type of skin condition is sleeping in the bed. Motioning toward him, Kiera says, KIERA: Poor old guy suffers from cirrhotic arthropathy. Needs to be greased from head to toe. She grabs a tub of grease, plopping it uncerimoniously into Sydney's hands. KIERA: Welcome aboard. Off Sydney's reaction, we, CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Marshall's techie office at APO. Holding up the Ice-5 container with a gloved hand, he's speaking to Nadia and Weiss. MARSHALL: There's no way I'd eat this. No way at all. My kid would. (Motions to his computer monitor, where Marshall has several pictures of Mitchell taped up) Mitchell. He will eat anything. He's already been to the emergency room twice. He swallowed a quarter, and a car. Not a real car... it's huge. NADIA (smiling): He's beautiful. MARSHALL: Thanks. I've got a million of these pictures. I probably should update them. Nadia studies the pictures and smiles at one in particular. MARSHALL: Oh, you like that one? There's a cute story behind that one. Weiss, starting to feel jealous, cuts in jokingly, WEISS: I'll warn you right now. Nadia's immune to your cute baby story charm. Nadia smiles, amused at Weiss' antics. NADIA: Oh, I'm not so sure. WEISS: Uh, do you have any weaponizing scenarios for ice 5? MARSHALL: Three obvious forms are liquid, powder, and gas, but really depends on a few things. NADIA: Difficulty of manufacturing, stability, intended use. MARSHALL: Right! I mean, is it designed for an evil empire that wants to dump it in the water supply and freeze-dry an entire city, or maybe for just one crazy assassin guy... put a couple drops on a hollow-tipped bullet... WEISS: Either way, it's a high ticket. We should target major players: governments, large terrorist cells. NADIA: Then offer it for sale ourselves, see who might be shopping for designer bioweapons. WEISS: Right. I'll put a list together. Weiss mouths "You're married" to Marshall. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Sydney, still dressed in character, hurriedly searching a storeroom. She finds a locked door in the back and she pulls out lockpicks and starts to unlock the door. She hears someone coming in and drops the picks into a nearby trashcan and picks up a box of syringes. Kiera walks in and gives Sydney a suspicious look. KIERA: What are you doing in here? Sydney shows Kiera the box she's holding. SYDNEY: We're almost out of syringes. I was searching for a purchase order. Kiera continues to give Sydney a semi-doubtful look. Suddenly, a strange sound and commotion erupts in the hallway and Kiera and Sydney rush out. They find a large, burly soldier on a rolling stretcher. Part of his face has been frozen and upon inspection, they find that part of an arm is missing and the remainder is frozen, much like Modell's leg before he shattered. KIERA: I'm trying to help you. KIERA: I need you to breathe. Breathe. SYDNEY: What can I do? KIERA: Put your ears near his heart. After an initial welfare check, Kiera and the accompanying soldiers start to quickly roll the stretcher down the hallway, Sydney closely following. SYDNEY: What happened to him? KIERA: I don't know. SOLDIER (in Russian): It was an accident, Miss. Our jeep was hit. Yegor was carrying the container -- KIERA (in Russian): Quiet. I can see what happened. SYDNEY (pretending she didn't understand): What's he saying? KIERA: Car accident. They stop at a closed door secured by a swipe card entry system. Kiera pulls a swipe card out of her labcoat pocket, swipes it and types in her password. Sydney watches her closely, obviously memorizing the code for later. As the door opens, Sydney grabs the head of the stretcher, preparing to push it in so that she can gain access to the restricted area. As they start to roll forward, Kiera blocks her entry, taking Sydney's place at the head of the stretcher. Sydney has no choice but to step back. KIERA: We can handle it from here. SYDNEY (protesting): I don't mind helping. KIERA (a little annoyed): If you want to last here, you'll do as I say. Get back to that supply room and finish what you were doing. This area's off-limits. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack approaches Nadia, who is at work on a computer at her desk. He hands her a piece of paper and she stands to receive it as he speaks. JACK: You can eliminate both the KCL and the African Global Party from your list of potential ice 5 buyers. It's out of their league. Everyone else seems good. NADIA: Thanks. (pauses, and then) Jack?...I was wondering if you knew who this baby is. Nadia holds out the picture of Irina holding a baby for him to see. JACK (slightly defensive): Where did you get this? NADIA (nervous): Oh... It's Sydney's. JACK: She gave this to you? NADIA: I...found it. I was hoping you might be able to tell me who... JACK (very abrupt): There's nothing to tell. Jack turns on his heel to stalk out, leaving Nadia confused and disheartened, but Weiss interrupts them. WEISS: Sorry to interrupt. We got the uplink from Montenegro. Cut to Vaughn at Montenegro safehouse. VAUGHN: A soldier came in with the same frozen symptoms we saw in Algeria. He was taken to a secure wing of the hospital by a nurse named Kiera Maclaine. That M-A-C, capital L-A-I-N-E. She said she was from Glasgow. Cut to APO briefing room. JACK: Is MacLaine embedded with Keene? Cut back to Vaughn. VAUGHN: We don't know yet, but Sydney said MacLaine definitely recognized the effects of Ice 5. She's still at the hospital trying to learn more. Cut to Dixon. DIXON: There's a strong military presence at the hospital, but it seems to be in support of the staff, nothing we can't handle. Cut back to APO briefing room. WEISS: Okay. MacLaine seems to be clean. Registered nurse, no criminal record. For the last nine years, she's worked for relief agencies around the world. NADIA: We know Keene gives cash to the hospital. Maybe she takes care of his men in exchange. SLOANE: What do you know about the secure wing? Cut to Dixon. DIXON: We think it's the research lab. Blueprints indicate several interconnected rooms and a large ward. VAUGHN: The entrance is protected by a swipe card and a keypad. We already have the access code, but we need that card, which we'll get off MacLaine. Marshall checks Kiera's name in database. Computer display in APO briefing room shows: name: Kiera MacLaine criminal rec: none passport: United Kingdom occupation: Registered Nurse occup loc: Relief Agencies [SCENE_BREAK] Montenegro Cut to Dixon as he punches Vaughn in the head. Vaughn grimaces slightly then stands back up with a mocking smile. VAUGHN: Come on, man. It's got to look real. Do it again. DIXON (protesting): Vaughn, I hit you. VAUGHN (goading): Yeah, like a girl. Just hit me again. Come on. Dixon hits Vaughn again...harder. This time, Vaughn sports a cut over his right eye and it takes him a little longer to push up from the table behind him. However, he pushes Dixon to hit him again...almost as if he wants to be punished for something. VAUGHN: One more time. You can do better than that. Come on. Off of Dixon's third swing, we cut to: [SCENE_BREAK] Vaughn sitting on a stretcher as Sydney dabs at the cut as Kiera approaches. VAUGHN (flinching): Ow, damnit! Watch it! Kiera walks up and demands imperiously, KIERA: What are you doing? KIERA (to Vaughn): Sorry, Father. The scene cuts back and we can now see that Vaughn is dressed like a priest. SYDNEY: I'm just trying to help. Sydney backs away as Kiera steps in. KIERA: Let me take a look at that. Kiera starts checking Vaughn's wound. Sydney leans back in to watch what she's doing. SYDNEY: Maybe I should watch, see how you do it. (leaning forward and poking her gloved finger at the open wound) I was going to sew it shut right there. Vaughn reaches into Kiera's pocket and pulls out her keycard, slipping it into Sydney's other hand. VAUGHN (flinching and glowering at Sydney): Ow! Stop that! SYDNEY: Sorry. KIERA: Go! I'll look after him. Sydney meekly turns and walks away. KIERA: Sorry. She's new. A bit eager. KIERA: I can't help noticing the fine cologne you're wearing, father. Glenlivet, if I'm not mistaken. [Note: That's a well-known scotch whiskey, for those pure Alias fans who are underage or otherwise non-drinkers] VAUGHN: Is is that bad? KIERA: Not at all. KIERA: Come on. I'll finish up in the office. [SCENE_BREAK] KIERA: That's a pretty nasty cut. You mind telling me how you got it? VAUGHN: Somebody didn't like my last sermon. KIERA: Well, I've known a priest or two. VAUGHN: That sounds rather ominous. KIERA: But none that get into bar fights. VAUGHN: I see my reputation preceeds me. I'm Father Michael ?. I'm new here at Saint Cyrus. KIERA: Kiera MacLaine. Good to know thee. I think. VAUGHN: I should also mention I hear confession every weekday from four to six at tavern Nikolai. KIERA: Why does that not surprise me? VAUGHN: Whe's the last time you went to confession, Kiera MacLaine? KIERA: I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. VAUGHN: About what? KIERA: A flirty priest. VAUGHN: I assure you my intentions are honorable. Mostly. [SCENE_BREAK] VAUGHN: You're not what I expected. KIERA: Is that your way of saying, "What's a nice catholic girl doing in a hell-hole like this?" Same as you. I was sent here for my sins. FENTON: It's not that bad. KIERA: Fenton. What are you doing here? FENTON: Well, it's nice to see you too. FENTON: She's not real happy with me of late, Father. VAUGHN: I see. You two are married? FENTON: No. Your good book would frown upon that, wouldn't it? [SCENE_BREAK] Code to the lab is something like 6398841 KIERA: We had an agreement. FENTON: We do. But one of my men had a wee accident. I thought I'd spin by, pay my respects. You treated him right. So, how's your day? KIERA: I think you know. FENTON: You should be nicer to your big brother. Isn't that what the Bible says? VAUGHN: What, I look like some kind of an expert? FENTON: Don't worry, Kiera. I'll be out of your way soon enough. VAUGHN: Your brother seems like a nice enough guy. What's he do? KIERA: You must be new here. [SCENE_BREAK] SOLDIER: I made sure Yegor gets special treatment. A separate room. Away from the guinea pigs. [SCENE_BREAK] (There's a teleconference going on, and Syd/Vaughn/Dixon can quickly send images and stuff to APO headquarters.) SYDNEY (cell): Not only has Keene developed ice 5, he's testing it on humans. I saw a room full of test subjects. SLOANE (phone): I'm more concerned by the pressurized canisters. It means Keene's found a way to make it airborne. DIXON (phone): Here are the photos Sydney took. SYDNEY (cell): I thought the tanks were full of propane or liquid nitrogen. Then I saw the cyrillic stencil. JACK: Ice 5 released into a city... the damage could be in the tens of thousands. SLOANE: How many tanks in the lab? WEISS: I'd say 14. We found a buyer in Damascus. That's what they're expecting. NADIA: They want it fast. Less than 48 hours. SYDNEY: We have to shut Keene down. JACK: I don't disagree, but you lack the manpower. You aren't a tactical squad. VAUGHN: We can do it without a fight. We can use Kiera MacLaine. DIXON: After we learned she was Keene's sister, we re-ran her info. Her real name is Meghan Keene. She's former IRA as is her brother. They were involved in several bombings in the early 90's, including one that killed a father and two boys. New displayed dossier: Meghan Keene Affiliation: Former IRA PRIORS: Several bombings [SCENE_BREAK] Victims include a father and two boys Wanted: Wanted for murder in the United Kingdom by SAS [The dossier is very poorly done. The SAS does not deal with criminal issues, and apostrophes go before two-digit years, not after.] SYDNEY: But MacLaine's conflicted, has issues with her brother. We think we can turn her. DIXON: She's the one person that could get Keene alone, away from his men. It might give us a chance to grab him without a fight, shut down the lab. SLOANE: Have you determined how to approach MacLaine? VAUGHN: Yeah. In confession. [SCENE_BREAK] Tavern Nikolai [the song in the background is Fade Into You, by Mazzy Star (1993)] VAUGHN: Thank you. VAUGHN: I'll have another one of these for my parishoner. KIERA: I don't know what I'm doing here. VAUGHN: I'm glad you came. KIERA: Cheers. VAUGHN: Cheers. VAUGHN: Is it that bad? KIERA: Is what that bad? VAUGHN: You tell me. KIERA: I suppose I'm feeling a bit trapped. VAUGHN: At the hospital? KIERA: Trapped by your brother? KIERA: I do this for a living. Not the drinking. And it doesn't take a priest to notice how angry you were when you saw him yesterday. KIERA: It's complicated. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Isn't that what they say? VAUGHN: Something like that. KIERA: A long time ago, he saved me. I owe him. VAUGHN: But he scares you? KIERA: You don't know Fenton. He's done some awful things. We both have, I suppose. VAUGHN: You could always leave. KIERA: Like I said, you don't know my brother. SYDNEY: He can do it. He can turn her. VAUGHN: I know what it's like to feel trapped, to have a past you despise, that you can't escape. I know we all have secrets, Kiera. I was married, for a short time. KIERA: That being your secret? VAUGHN: That being part of it. That obviously was before I had the collar. The woman I was married to betrayed me. She betrayed a lot of people. And when I found out what she had done, I let my hate for her consume me. And I began to wish the woman I loved was dead. I woke up every day, imagining how I'd do it, what was the best way, what was the most efficient way. I mean, that's all I wanted. That woman was evil, and deserved to be punished, so I killed her. And althought that woman was the worst kind of evil, I also know that killing her was wrong. I don't sleep much. I can't close my eyes without that scene, that moment, the look on her face. She won't leave me. She won't. KIERA: Forgiveness is a tricky thing, isn't it? Even God can't do it if you won't let him. I've never been able to say no to... to my brother. I'm not alone in that, but it's my shame. It's the one thing I can't forgive myself for. I understand what it feels like to wish someone was... I just wish there was a way out. VAUGHN: There are other ways to keep him from having power over you, to make him go away. KIERA: You underestimate my brother. VAUGHN: Or maybe you underestimate me. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you can leave. KIERA: What are you? VAUGHN: You deserve another chance. KIERA: I can't even think about doing something like that. VAUGHN: Why not? KIERA: When? VAUGHN: Tonight. [SCENE_BREAK] APO SLOANE: just... [a minute] (he's writing) NADIA: Freight manifest from our contact in Damascus. SLOANE: Thank you. And that? NADIA: I thought you might know something about the picture. Who the baby was. SLOANE: Yeah. Your mother was a very private person, Nadia, and as you know my relationship with her was... brief. NADIA: That's okay. I just thought maybe you'd seen it before. NADIA: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] Clinic - Restricted area KIERA: What are you? SAS? MI5? [Note: This is a mistake. MI5 tends to operate within Britain; it's a domestic spying and investigative agency. MI6 is the organization that operates abroad.] VAUGHN: I meant what I said. I can make your brother go away. KIERA: Well whatever you are, you're sweet. VAUGHN: Kiera, I need you to listen. Whatever your brother's done in the past pales compared to what he's doing now. KIERA: I wouldn't know. VAUGHN: Yes you do. You've seen it. You know he's been testing it on your own patients. KIERA: I have nothing to do with that. VAUGHN: You're a party to it. That's enough. KIERA: There's nothing I can do about it. VAUGHN: Thousands of people will die if you don't say no to him now. Do you want that on your conscience? Could you ever forgive yourself? KIERA: Who do you work for? VAUGHN: You've been afraid of your brother for too long. Help me, and I swear I will protect you. FENTON: I can't wait to hear the details. [SCENE_BREAK] FENTON: Did you really think my sister would betray me for you, after everything she and I have been through? VAUGHN: Nothing really surprises me anymore. FENTON: You'll discover that isn't true. FENTON: You know, the trouble with ice 5 in its liquid form is it's too unstable, too hard to mass-produce. I've made people drink it, breathe it, applied it topically, laced it into food. One thing I've never tried, though, is to inject it directly into the brain. Maybe because it's not cost effective. FENTON: I think you should do it. It's your fault he's here. VAUGHN: You hate him. You hate what he does. KIERA: Shut up. VAUGHN: I could have helped you. I would have. FENTON: My sister may look like an angel, but her heart is as black as yours, and mine. VAUGHN: I don't believe that. I know you want out. Everything I told you was true. I can still help you. You know it. FENTON: Show this fool he's wrong. Inject it into his eye. I want you to be the last thing he sees. FENTON: I don't know how you got in here, little girl, but it was a big mistake. [SCENE_BREAK] KIERA: Forgive. VAUGHN: Kiera, you know I'm not really a priest. I can't do that. KIERA: No. I forgive... I forgive you. [SCENE_BREAK] APO JACK: Fenton Keene's in custody, and the Ice 5 has been acquired. Sydney's safe, and the whole team made it. NADIA: Good. Thank you. JACK(softly, kindly): May I see that photograph? After a moment of studying the photo, JACK: Irina told me years ago that this is a picture of her holding her niece. She told me that holding this baby filled her with a longing and hope to have children of her own. The next day, I asked Irina to marry me. I wanted my child to be loved like the baby in this photograph. JACK: Of course, the story could have been a total fabrication. Another one of the countless lies designed to draw me in. Well, I choose to believe it was the truth. When we had Sydney, Irina held her in this exact same way, and I can only imagine she did the same with you. So, for me, I choose to believe. But then I suppose each of us needs to find our own sense of closure. Nadia cries. [SCENE_BREAK] On the CIA plane travelling back to LA: SYDNEY: Listening to you talk to that woman... VAUGHN: I know. SYDNEY: I just wanted you to know you can talk to me whenever you want. Vaughn smiles sleepily and replies quietly, VAUGHN: Thanks. SYDNEY: When we get back...maybe you should spend the night. Vaughn doesn't answer. SYDNEY: Vaughn? She looks over and realizes that Vaughn is asleep. After touching his face softly and tucking him in under his blanket, she slowly removes her hand from his with a sigh. CUT TO BLACK

Vaughn goes undercover as a priest with a dark past. He and Sydney set out to intercept a bioweapon called Ice Five, similar to the Ice Nine in Kurt Vonnegut's novel Cat's Cradle (it causes the water in the body to crystallize instantly at room temperature). Vaughn still feels guilty over Lauren's death; he confesses his feelings with a sympathetic enemy and he bonds with her. Nadia has questions for Jack regarding her mother, Irina Derevko.

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Woman : You are heading down a dangerous path. You don't have a job -- Victoria : Your honor... She does have a job. She works for me. Alex : How did we get the funding for the movie? Julian : My father and I put up the money, because I believe in you. Julian : The movie shoots in a week, and we don't have a costume designer, which is why I'm asking you now. Brooke : We just broke up. Julian : I want to direct. Paul : You were at the top of the list. Better get to work. Quinn : I'm sorry I lied to you. This is yours. Just maybe don't give it to Taylor. Julian : So, let's make someone's favorite movie! Cast : Yeah? Let's go. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Quinn : Okay. What? Taylor : David left me. Quinn : Smart move. You're not seriously looking to me for sympathy, are you? Taylor : I really liked him. Quinn : Yeah. Taylor : And nobody's ever left me before, especially not a guy like David. Quinn : And what's that supposed to mean? Taylor : It's not like he's a super big catch or anything. Quinn : Oh, look, 9 across -- "superficial bitch." T-a-y-l-o-r. Haley : Language. Oh, come on. This happens every morning. Taylor : Maybe you should get up a little bit earlier. Haley : And maybe you should make more when you take the last of it. Taylor : I didn't. Quinn did. Quinn : No, I didn't. Jamie : Who ate all my cereal? Taylor : Quinn. Quinn : Taylor. Sorry, buddy, Taylor likes to take things that aren't hers. Haley : Sweetie, we have plenty more cereal. Quinn : So, hales. Haley : Huh? Quinn : David broke up with Taylor. Taylor : I'm glad you find my heartbreak amusing. Haley : I'm sorry. You guys broke up? Oh, no. Nathan : Okay, come on, Jamie. Let's go out for breakfast. Jamie : Good idea. Bye, mom. Haley : Bye. Quinn : Way to go, Tay. Quinn : You scared off half the family. Taylor : No, you did with your morning breath. Haley : No milk? Are you kidding me? AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Victoria : Well, somebody's trying to win The super-assistant award this morning. Millicent : Morning, Victoria. Double nonfat macchiato -- should still be hot. Aren't these pieces amazing? I've already steamed, priced, and displayed The rest of the shipment -- look. What? Victoria : Are you... How are you feeling? Millicent : I'm fine, really. Victoria : This isn't the manic work of drug-doer Millie. Millicent : I'm just really, really trying to prove myself to you and Brooke. Victoria : Promise me that if things get hard, You don't disappear into some dark alley. You can talk to me. Millicent : No dark alleys for me, I promise. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Clay : No, the advance can't be 50% applicable, And you know this. Come in. Uh-huh. Well, it -- it's because it's standard In these types of deals. Nathan : All right, Clay's got all the good stuff. What do you want? Jamie : Um, can I mix fruity ones with cocoa ones? Nathan : That's gross. Go for it. Clay : What's up, Nate? How you doing today, Scott? Hey, boy. Jamie : Ah, too many girls at our house, not enough cereal. Clay : All right. Glad to see your priorities are straight. Cereal first. Jamie : Thanks. Clay : Whew. I'll be outside. Got crazy endorsements -- crazy. Jamie : Clay's got all the good stuff. Nathan : Yes, he does. Jamie : Cocoa. AT JULIAN'S OFFICE Brooke : Hey. Julian : Hi. Brooke : How's everything going? Julian : Uh, okay, I guess. I'm struggling with the dialogue in this scene. It -- it doesn't feel honest. Brooke : What's the scene? Julian : Um... It's the one where he leaves her. Brooke : Oh. Well, I think all girls understand The moment there's another girl. So maybe it's about what they don't say. Julian : Actually, I was thinking he doesn't say enough, you know? I mean, she's got to know that he loved her, But if she doesn't, He needs to find the words to convince her. Brooke : And what are those words? Julian : I don't know yet. But I'm gonna find them. I mean... The movie depends on it. Brooke : Right. Well, then, I should get back to work. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Haley : I know. I mean, give me a break. Nathan : What are you guys doing here? Haley : Uh, we are out for breakfast. Nathan : You're hiding from Taylor. Haley : Hiding? No. Yes, we are yeah. Haley : Don't answer it. Taylor : Really, bitches? Jamie : Language! Taylor : You're hiding. I get it. Quinn : Uh, no, we aren't. We were just leaving. Taylor : Whatever. I guess it'll just be me and mom, then. Lydia : Well, well. Hiding from Taylor? Jamie : Grandma! Lydia : Hey, handsome! Ooh! Haley : Mom, what are you doing here? Lydia : What, I can't come to see my three favorite daughters? Quinn : We all know you don't like Taylor that much. Lydia : Oh, lord, some things never change. Get over here. Mm. Nathan. How are you? How are you, sweetie? Nathan : Good to see you. IN THE DRESSING ROOM Julian : Can we make her sexier? I mean, not slutty, just sexy...Er. Brooke : Yeah. We'll tuck this and... Julian : No, I like the sleeves up. Brooke : Slutty. Um, I'm gonna take up the hem. Julian : Okay, whatever you think. Rehearsal in 20? Brooke : Yeah, we'll be ready. Alex : You didn't have to do that, with the sleeves. Brooke : I know. It looks better like this. Alex : Oh. Right. Brooke : I need you to pick one. Alex : Uh, I like them both. You decide. Brooke : Try this one on while I fix what you're wearing. Alex : Brooke, I'm sorry that you and Julian broke up. Brooke : Okay. Alex : Okay. I'll try this on. ON THE BEACH Haley : Hey, be careful. Lydia : Isn't it about time For you and Nathan to have another one? I mean, you're not getting any younger. Haley : Very funny. Neither is quinn. Quinn : Oh, thanks. Lydia : I always thought that you and david would have lots and lots of babies. Quinn : Yeah, that's Tayylor's department now. Lydia : What? Tay and David? Quinn : Well, not anymore. He broke up with her this morning. Lydia : Oh! Are you okay? Quinn : Yeah. I'm happy, and he's happy. Taylor's unhappy. That's all that matters. Lydia : Clay's kind of cute. Quinn : Clay's amazing. Lydia : Well, that's good. Quinn : And what about you, mom? You okay without daddy? Lydia : I am today. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Grubbs : You like it? Miranda : I'm not flower-friendly. Grubbs : Everybody likes flowers. Miranda : I didn't say I dislike them. I simply can't keep them alive. Flowers in a vase are better. They last a limited amount of time, and no care is required. Grubbs : Are you scared? Miranda : Of what? Grubbs : Of being my girlfriend. Miranda : Look. I'm not your girlfriend, and the odds of that happening Are about as good as me keeping that orchid alive -- Slim to none. And let's be honest. You're the one that's scared. You're talented, and yet you won't make a record. I'd just like to know why. Grubbs : It's too personal. Miranda : "it's too personal." ON THE SET Alex : Are those supposed to wash it all away, The "I'll always love you's, the "I don't blame you's, The "forever's? Julian : Cut. Let's go again. Paul : Julian, this is the 14th take. She's not getting it. We're into a couple of meal penalties. We got to move on. Julian : It's -- it's an important scene, dad. She'll get it. Alex : I'm so sorry. I Ju -- I can't get there emotionally. I'm trying, but -- Julian : It's okay. Alex : No, it's not okay. I suck. Julian : No, you'll find it. They're your words. You wrote them because they mean something to you. Okay, I know you can do this. Just -- just s the line to me. Alex : Sure, help me. Clean me up. Make me immaculate. Fill me up with your promises and words and lies. Julian : Okay, say it again, but just stay with me. Let me help you. Alex : Mnh-mnh. Julian : Say the line again, but look at me. Look at me. Just stay with me. Alex : Sure, help me. Clean me up. Make me immaculate. Fill me up with your promises. Julian : Okay, roll camera. We're gonna tail-slate it. Again. Elise, let me help you. Alex : Sure, help me. Clean me up. Make me immaculate. Fill me up with your promises and words and lies. Julian : Elise, please. Alex : Tears, Max? Are these supposed to wash it all away, The "I always love you's, the "I don't blame you's, The "forever's? Julian : Cut. Check the gate. That's perfect. Man : Okay, mark. Julian : Good job. Paul : You did it. Julian : No, Alex did it. Paul : Okay. AT TRIC Grubbs : You're feeling a bottle of something, but you should stick with water. It's safer emotionally. You want to talk about it? Brooke : I took a job to be near my ex. It's painful. But it's worse to be away from him. Sorry. I don't mean to be the sad, pouty girl who comes in, dumps all her problems on you. Grubbs : You are talking to a guy who wrote an entire album about a girl -- Every song. Brooke : What happened? Grubbs : She's with someone else now. Brooke : How did you know it was over? Grubbs : You know, for the longest time, whenever I would see her, even after we weren't together a more, she would tell me that she missed me. And I would look into her eyes, and I knew she meant it. Then one day, she just stopped saying it, and I knew she was gone. AT THE ANONYMOUS ALCOOLICS Woman : I went in for one drink and told my daughter to stay in the car, That mama would be right back. Millicent : Excuse me. Hi. Would you mind signing this reallyuick? It's just a court thing. Man : You not have to explain. Millicent : Oh. Man : You know, it might help you to stay. Millicent : It's okay. It was just a small driving incint. I'm fine. Thank you. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Clay : Thank you. Lydia : There you go. Quinn's told me a lot about you. Clay : All good, I ho. Lydia : Mm. You make her very, very happy. You knowhat worried look she gets? It's gone. Clay : She means the world to me. Lydia : I was sorry to hear about your wife. I lost my husband, too, a few years back. Clay : Quinn mentioned that. I'm sorry, too. Lydia : It's hard, isn't it, Learning to live without them? Clay : Yeah. It's hard mang new memories, you know, like it's not fair to them. Lydia : I think it not fair to them not to. I mean, they'd want that, wouldn't they? They'd want to know that we faced their absence with dignity and grace. Clay : Yeah, well, the truth is, I'm not sure I've been thatracious about any of it. Lydia : You're still here, aren't you, Still finding your way? That's about as much grace as anyone can ask. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Miranda : Oh, Haley, I'm so glad you're here. Haley : You're chipper. I don't think you've ever been happy to see me. Miranda : I need you to convince Grubbs to record. Haley : Um, I-I'm sorry. My mom's in town, so I'm gonna be spending the day with her. Since when do you need my help convincing someone to do something they don't want to do? You're great at that. Miranda : It's true, but this one is different. He called me... his girlfriend. Haley : That's so sweet. Miranda : It's not sweet, and don't confuse the issue. He's good. He's really good. And our label could use him. Haley : You totally have a boyfriend. Go get him, tiger. Miranda : He's not my boyfriend! ON THE SET Jamie : Whoa, this is cool. It's exactly like uncle Lucas' house. Julian : Hey, there's my first A.D. Jamie : Oh, cool. Julian : So, I need some background footage of the set and behind-the-scenes stuff. Think you can handle that? Nathan : So, you working hard or hardly working? "Shrek 2." Julian : Dude, that's your movie quote? That's, like, a common expression. Nathan : Yeah? Julian : Yeah. Wow, "Shrek 2." Nathan : I like "Shrek 2." Alex : Hey, bitch. Millicent : Hey. Alex : Oh, you're cranky. Millicent : No, I'm not. I'm fine. Okay, sort of cranky that I have to go to these meetings. It's a bunch of losers with serious problems, Like leave-your-kid-in-the-car or burn-your-house-down-'cause you're-so-wasted problems. Mine -- not so big. Alex : Right. Millicent : Whatever. How's being a movie star again? Alex : Try worst actress ever -- 14 takes this morning. Not awesome. Julian was great, but I'm just -- I'm really frustrated. Millicent : You'll be okay. You're Alex Dupr Man : Alex, they're ready for you. Alex : Okay, thanks. Yeah, well, hopefully Alex Dupr figures it out before she brings down the whole movie set. Later, bitch. Oh, Millie. Those people at the meetings -- their problems started out not so big, too. Julian : So, I want the camera to circle right while zooming, As if we're being drawn into them. Then I want to slow the movement and end on a tight close-up of Alex -- no cutting. Got it? Alexander : Nice shot, Hitchcock. It's "Vertigo," right? Hey, beauty. I have the suit sample. Brooke : Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. I die. I love it. Alexander : Yeah? Brooke : I'd love it with a slimmer leg, an eighth of an inch on either side. Alexander : Got it. So, I'm thinking we'll be ready to unveil in about a month. Brooke : You are good, Alexander Coyne. Alexander : No, you're good, Brooke Davis. Alex : Brooke, they're doing last looks. Brooke : Okay. Alexander : And you look hot. Wow. Do you, uh, need any help with that? Brooke : No, I'm good, but feel free To go make the adjustments to that suit, now. Alex : Or you could just stay and do it later. Brooke : Okay. Really? Alexander : She is pretty hot. Brooke : Another guy hypnotized by Alex. She's like a freaking siren. Alexander : Hey, there's no woman as alluring as you, Brooke Davis. I think I should get back to work. Brooke : Good idea. Hey. I appreciate you being around. I know you didn't sign up for a lot of this. Alexander : Yeah, no worries. I'm here for whatever you need. ON BACKSTAGE Julian : So, Alexander's kind of a tool, huh? Brooke : If by tool, you mean really good designer. Julian : Yeah, tool. Brooke : Wow, and I was just gonna tell you that you did a really good job with Alex on that scene today. And then I was maybe gonna tell you that you're a natural. Julian : I don't know if a natural would need 14 takes to direct one scene. Brooke : Don't be so hard on yourself. Julian : Is this too hard on you? Brooke : I'm okay. Paul : Julian, can I talk to you? Julian : Yeah. Brooke : I was just leaving. Paul : I see you're driving that truck. What happened to your Mercedes? Julian : I sold it. Paul : To help finance the movie? Julian : Mm-hmm. Paul : You shouldn't be risking everything on this. Julian : Look, I got to get back to work, dad. Paul : Then I'll get to the point. Alex has to be better, or we're gonna be in serious trouble here. Julian : She will be. Assistante : Your coffee, sir. Paul : Thank you. Brooke : Jamie, you bug, you are exactly what I need to brighten my day. What are you doing? Jamie : Capturing behind-the-scenes footage. Brooke : Oh, well, make me look fabulous.Hi. Nathan : How you doing? Brooke : Well, you know, working on the ex-boyfriend's movie In the ex-ex boyfriend's house is kind of weird, but I'm managing. Nathan : What's going on with the ex-boyfriend part? Brooke : We're trying to be friends. Nathan : And he's okay with that? Brooke : He's fine. I'm fine. Everything's gonna be fine. Nathan : All right, well, let me know If you need me to knock some sense into the guy. Brooke : Thanks. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Woman : Kind of slow in here. Girl 1 : Oh, these are cute. Girl 2 : Ah, there's this. Millicent : Can I help you find anything? Girl 1 : Oh, no, we're just looking. Millicent : Okay. Girl 1 : Hey, uh, aren't you the model for clothes over bros? Millicent : Yeah. Well, I was for that campaign. Girl 1 : Why are you folding clothes? Millicent : Oh, um...I do a lot of things for the company. Well, let me know if you need anything. Girl 1 : Okay. Thanks. Girl 2 : God, she looks so plain. Girl 1 : I know. Girl 2 : Mm-hmm. Girl 1 : I don't know. I think shirt. ON BACKSTAGE Alex : Hi. You got a sec? Julian : Yeah, of course. Alex : First of all, I, um -- I just want to thank you for everything you've done for me. It means -- Well, it means a lot. Julian : Don't worry about it. What's going on? Alex : You sold your car. How much money did you put up? Julian : Alex - Alex : Julian, how much? Julian : All of it. Alex : Julian, what if I let you down? Then what? Julian : You're not gonna let me down. Alex : But you put everything you had into this movie. Why did you do that? Man : Two minutes! Julian : Because you put everything you had into this script. And it's good. And you're good. Okay? You're not gonna let me down. NEAR THE RIVER Lydia : Oh, Haley. It is such a beautiful home. I am so proud of you and Nathan. Haley : Thanks. I feel really lucky to have him and Jamie. And it's great, you know, 'cause all the stuff doesn't matter so much. It's just - although I'm really grateful to have all the extra space Now that Quinn and Taylor are here. Lydia : Well, it's an important role being your sisters' keeper. They're lucky to have you. Haley : Well, I'm glad that you're here Because I don't speak Taylor fluently, and I really need you to translate. Lydia : Taylor has always been rebellious. That girl follows her heart without thinking twice about it. Haley : Or once. So...What's going on, mom? What brings you to town? Lydia : I'm just checking in on my babies. I started with the oldest, finished with the best. Haley : Mm. Nobody told me you were coming. Lydia : Well, that's because I wouldn't let them. I'm a big fan of surprises. Haley : Oh. Lydia : Now, come on. Fill me in on everything that's been going on. And don't leave out the good parts. Haley : Okay. Well, Jamie's going to a new school, and... AT TRIC Miranda : So, let me get this straight. You don't want to make a record because it's too personal? Grubbs : That's right. Miranda : Personal sells albums. Personal wins Grammys. People can -- Okay, well, most people can relate to personal. They want to hear the songs with the words that they're too afraid to say. So...When you're ready -- Ahh -- man up... And make a record with me. ON THE SET Jamie : I can't believe this looks exactly like uncle Lucas' room. Hey, remember that time he had a Mohawk? Nathan : Yeah. Jamie : That was cool. Nathan : You miss him? Jamie : Yeah. I miss lots of people, I guess --Aunt Peyton and uncle Skills and Quentin. And grandpa Dan -- I miss him a lot. Nathan : Yeah, it's hard when you miss people. But, you know, if you miss them, it means you were lucky. It means you had someone special in your life, someone worth missing. Jamie : Yeah, I guess. I just don't like the missing part so much. Nathan : Yeah, me neither. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Not fair. True. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my god. You remember this? Quinn : This is horrible. Oh, mom, look at my hair. You gave me the most awful haircut. Lydia : It wasn't terrible. It was cute, baby. Look at you, with your little face and those great big glasses. Haley : She was teased for that haircut, like, every day. Quinn : Yeah, I cried for like a week, and then I wore a mop head around the house To have princess hair. Taylor : Haley was such a pudge. Haley : I was a baby. You're supposed to be fat when you're -- give me that. Quinn : Do you remember When you used to stuff your bra, like, a lot? Taylor : Mom, you have extras of this? Lydia : Uh, I think I have pictures of just about all of it. Oh. Haley : Are you okay, mom? Lydia : Um...I'm sick. Look at me. I swore I wasn't gonna cry, but, boy, these tears are stubborn. Haley : Mom, but you're gonna be okay, though, right? Lydia : No. I'm not. Haley : What do you mean mom, what's wrong? Lydia : I have cancer. It's pancreatic. And that means that even with aggressive treatment, I wouldn't have much time left. Quinn : But there has to be options, right? Lydia : There aren't, quinny. Haley : Well, you have to try. Lydia : Okay, now, I have made my decision. And what I want to do is I want to live the rest of my life fully, With my family, not in some cold hospital. Haley : Mom, you need to be doing Everything that you can right now. Lydia l Haley, I have come to terms with this, And this is how I want to do it. Taylor : You're giving up. Lydia : No, I am not giving up. I'm gonna die. Haley : Mom, don't say that! Lydia : I can't change that, okay, So I've accepted it. Quinn : How? How do you just accept it, mom? You have to fight. Lydia : Because I want to enjoy the time I have left. Taylor : Like you've been enjoying every day since dad died? You're giving up, and you know it. You're committing suicide. I mean, maybe Quinn can take a picture of it, and we can just add it to this stupid box. Haley : Taylor. Tay. ON BACKSTAGE Alex : Here's my wardrobe. Brooke : Thanks. I -- I shortened the dress for tomorrow. It'll look pretty. Alex : All the clothes are really great. Rough day, huh? Brooke : I've had plenty of those. Alex : Yeah. Guess they're going around. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Brooke : Alex. You're doing good. Alex : You think? Thanks. Julian : How's my first A.D. doing? Get some good footage? Jamie : Tons. You want to see? Julian : Hit me. Jamie : I got a lot of Aunt Brooke. Brooke : Jamie, bug, You are exactly what I need to brighten my day. What are you doing? Julian : She's pretty great. How about you hang on to this, 'cause you'll need it next time you visit set? Jamie : Really? Julian : Mm-hmm. Jamie : Sweet. Brooke : Okay, well, oh, wow. Make me look good. Hi. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Clay : Hey, you. Baby? What's wrong? Quinn : My mom. My mom. She came to tell us that she -- She came to tell us that she was dying. Clay : I'm so sorry. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Lydia : Are you okay? Haley : Not really, no. Lydia : Would you like to talk about it? Haley : You want me to say I'm mad? I'm mad. This is not fair. You say "I have cancer," and my whole world changes. What am I supposed to do with that, mom? When I need advice on how to be a good mother to Jamie, I call you. When I need advice on how to be a good wife, I call you. When I'm sad or mad or happy or whatever, I call you, and I need you to be here. Lydia : And I am always, always gonna be a part of you, baby. But you are a wonderful mother and a wonderful wife all by yourself. Haley : I'm... Lydia : Baby, you are incredibly strong. Think about everything that you have faced. And no matter how difficult, you have always found the graceful way to handle it. Well, you are going to have to find that strength now. Haley : I don't want to. I don't want to be strong for this, mom. Lydia : I need you to be. And your sisters -- they need you to be. We... Are going to have to be strong for everybody else who can't be. QUINN'S GALLERY Quinn : Mom? Why did you call me here? You should be home resting. Lydia : I'm sick, Quinn. I'm not a child. Quinn : Yeah, but you've had a long day. Lydia : It was a perfect day. This space... Has your name all over it. Your photographs -- It's time for you to open a studio and a gallery. So I've paid the first six months' rent. Quinn : Okay, but, mom, you know that - Lydia : No. No, no, no excuses. You can do this, and you need to do this. Your work, baby, is important, and it's good, and you need to believe in that. Quinn : Okay. Okay. Thank you. Are you scared? Lydia : I think... That knowing that your dad is there helps. Quinn : Is he, though? I mean... Does that place even exist? Lydia : Oh. Of course it does. I'm just gonna miss all of this. Quinn : I love you. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : You're gonna say goodbye, right? Taylor, you're making a mistake. Tay. Taylor, please. Taylor : I'm not gonna sit here and watch her give up. Haley : Does everything always have to be about you? Do you have to be so selfish all the time? Taylor : She's the one that's being selfish. Haley : Are you kidding me? She needs us right now. Taylor : No, what she needs is to fight. And you need to stop acting like you know what's best for everyone, Because you don't. Haley : If you leave, you're gonna regret this. Maybe. Maybe I will. But I'm not gonna stay here and watch her die. Quinn : Hey. Haley : Hey. It's not supposed to be like this, you know. She -- she's supposed to watch us get married and have kids and watch our kids grow up and go to prom and -- and graduate high school. This is not... This is not fair. Quinn : I know. Haley : I'm really glad you're here. Quinn : Me too... 'cause I don't think I could handle it without you. Lydia : Hey. Knock it off. Mm. All right. Let's have a little wine. Where's Taylor? Haley : Taylor is not coming. She left. And I tried to get her to stay, but she wouldn't, not even to say goodbye, so I'm sorry. Lydia : It's okay. Haley : No, it's not. It's not okay, because you need her right now, and we need her, and it's not right for her to do this. Lydia : You know what? Everyone... Has to deal with this... In their own way. It'll be okay. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Millicent : Marvin? Marvin? I am not plain. I'm fine the way I am. I'm fine. AT THE ANONYMOUS ALCOOLICS Millicent : Hi. Um, my name is Millicent. And I'm new here. And, um... I don't really know what to say. But I keep telling everybody I'm fine, and I'm not fine. AT TRIC Alexander : Well, you were good today. Alex : Good -- not great. I'm letting everyone dow Alexander : Need someone to get drunk with you? Alex : It's water. And I don't get drunk when I'm sad. I sleep with boys. You want to get out of here? Do you really have to think about it? Alexander : No, I was just -- I was giving you a chance to change your mind. Alex : I don't do that, either. Alexander : Well, okay, then. Let's get out of here. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : How you doing? Haley : Taylor's gone. She left. She... My mom says I'm my sisters' keeper. But I couldn't make her stay. I'm not the glue. My mom is. When she's gone, everything's gonna fall apart. Nathan : Hey. Okay, come here. Haley : I'm scared. Nathan : Okay, okay. ON BACKSTAGE Brooke : I'm heading out. You okay? Julian : Yeah. Tired. Brooke : Well, for what it's worth, I think you're doing great. Julian : Thanks. Coming from you, that...means everything. Hey, Brooke. I miss you. Brooke : Coming from you, that means everything, too. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Brooke : Jamie, bug, You are exactly what I need to brighten my day. What are you doing? Nathan : All right, buddy, it's time for bed. Jamie : Okay. Nathan : Mm. Jamie : Hey, dad. Nathan : Yeah? Jamie : I was thinking I might want to be a director instead of a basketball player when I grow up, or maybe both. Nathan : As long as you're happy. Jamie : Is mom coming up? Nathan : Mom is gonna spend some time with her mom tonight, all right? Jamie : Okay. Nathan : Night, buddy.

Haley, Quinn and Taylor receive life-changing news when their mom Lydia shows up to town. Brooke and Julian try to find a balance between their personal lives and work as the movie shoot begins. Alex sets her sights on Alexander, and Millicent finds herself struggling with temptation. This episode is named after a song by PlayRadioPlay!

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[Scene: Barbados, Monica and Chandler's Room. They both enter from Ross's room. Monica still has her big, frizzy hair.] Monica: Oh, the way you crushed Mike at ping pong was such a turn-on.You wanna...? (plays with her finger on Chandlers chest) Chandler: You know, I'd love to, but I'm a little tired. Monica: I'll put a pillowcase over my head. Chandler: You're on! (they start to get ready, but then Phoebe enters through the door from Ross's room) Phoebe: Hey! Monica: What's up? Phoebe: Well, okay, Mike's taking a shower, which by the way there's no law against. And then we're gonna grab some food, so if you want... (there's a door slamming in Ross's room, and some indistinct murmuring) Ross: ... finally... Phoebe: Is that Ross? Monica: Yeah, you can hear everything through these stupid walls. Phoebe: Sounds like he's with someone. Chandler: He could be alone. This morning I heard him do push-ups, and then talk to his triceps. Monica: Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right. You know I hear someone else in there with him. (they all put their ear against the wall to be able to hear what's being said. We move to Ross's room where he and Charlie are kissing.) Charlie: Ooh... Dr. Geller! Ross: God, you're amazing... I didn't even have to ask you to call me that. Monica: Oh my God, that's Charlie! Chandler: She's cheating on Joey with Ross! Phoebe: Oh that tart... floozy... giant... Monica: I'm not sure about this. Phoebe: Yeah, you're right. This is none of our business. Monica: No I'm not sure that it's the best way to hear everything. Someone get me a glass! Phoebe: Oh, I'm not gonna do this, okay? I'm not gonna eavesdrop on my friend. Rachel: (through wall) Ooh... I love Barbados! (Phoebe starts to listen at the other wall, where Rachel's room is. There, Joey and Rachel are kissing.) Joey: Ooh... I can't believe I'm kissing you. I'm kissing Rachel! Rachel: I know, I'm her! (they start to kiss again, and Phoebe turns to Chandler and Monica) Phoebe: (whispering) Rachel and Joey! It's Rachel and Joey!!! Monica: What? Phoebe: Get over here! (Chandler and Monica take a sprint to the other wall) Rachel: ooh... Chandler: Wow! Monica: (in her Monica-excited-way... TOO LOUD!) Oh my God, I love how thin these walls are! (In the rooms next door, Joey, Rachel, Ross and Charlie stop kissing and try to understand what the yelling was about. After a while they continue kissing. We're back in Chandler and Monica's room. Monica has some of her own hair stuffed in her mouth by Chandler.) Monica: (muffled) Thank you. OPENING CREDITS (Rachel and Joey's) Rachel: Hey, you know, before you said that nothing could happen between us? What changed? Joey: Well, I only said that because of Ross, you know. Then I saw him kissing Charlie... Rachel: What? Ross and Charlie? (Joey nods) Wow! She's really making her way through the group, huh? Ah, who am I to talk? (Chandler and Monica's) Monica: I can't believe this. Rachel and Joey? Chandler: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall! Monica: I'm on it! Chandler: Anything? Monica: I think I hear curtains closing... Phoebe: We've got shoes being kicked off over here. Monica: Bedsprings, unmistakable! Chandler: You do realise that's your brother? Monica: Not until you said it. Somebody switch! (Chandler makes a clicking sound with his fingers and Phoebe runs to the other wall. Monica returns to Chandlers wall.) Wait a minute... Ross and Charlie, Joey and Rachel, Phoebe and Mike! We're the only people leaving with the same person we came with. Chandler: That's not true. I came with Monica and I'm leaving with Weird Al. Monica: Okay, I've had it with the hair jokes. Tomorrow morning, before we leave, I'm going to the salon. Chandler: Okay Buckwheat! Phoebe: You gotta hear this, it's great... It's like free p0rn! (Chandler eagerly rushes over) (Ross and Charlie's) Ross: Weh...*sigh* Charlie: uhm... Is everything okay? Ross: Yeah, It's just... I don't think I can do this... Charlie: Ooh... Is it because of what might be on the bedspread, because I saw that news report too, with the infra red and the ... I could just... Ross: No, NO! (they're moving to the side of the bed, where they sit down) Look, I need to talk to Joey. I mean, you guys just broke up. Before anything more happens between us, I need to know he's okay with it. Charlie: I uhm... I completely understand. Ross: Alright, I'm gonna go find them... (twitches a bit, looks down) I just need a... need a before I can... you know. (gestures standing up... they sit and wait for a while) Grandma... grandma... grandma... (he tries to concentrate...) Okay, I see you later. Charlie: Okay... (Chandler and Monica's, all three of them are listening at the wall to Ross and Charlie's) Phoebe: That's the door. He's gone... Chandler: And she's... turning on the TV... and watching... Miss Congeniality! Monica: Honey, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well! (They are still listening at the wall, when Ross enters their room) Ross: Hey, what are you guys doing? Phoebe: Oh, we're just... we're sad to go so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. (hugs the wall) I love you... Paradise Hotel, Golf resort and Spa... (she walks away from the wall) Monica: (also hugs the wall) Yeah, we had a great time, thank you! (walks to Phoebe) Chandler: (caresses the wall with his finger) Bye! Ross: Okay, uhm... Hey, you guys seen Joey anywhere? Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica) Ross: Well, if you see him could you please tell him I'm looking for him? Chandler: You got it! Ross: Thanks! (walks out of the room and starts hugging the wall) Thank you! (closes the door) Monica: Other wall, people! Other wall! (they rush to the wall to Rachel and Joey's, and we move to that room) Ross: (knocks on door) Rach, you there? (Joey and Rachel both get up from the bed) Joey: Oh my God, it's Ross. What are we gonna do? Rachel: Oh, ju-ju-just stay calm. Just be calm. For all he knows we're just hanging out together. Right? Just be nonchalant. (Joey like stands at attention with his chest forward and his hands on his sides, looking up at the ceiling with his lips pouted.) That's not nonchalant! Joey: No idea what it means. Rachel: Oh... okay, just hide! Ross: (knocks) Rach? Rachel: Coming! Try under the bed, try under the bed! (When Rachel starts to look under the bed if Joey would fit under there, Chandler opens the door inbetween the rooms, grabs Joey by his shirt and drags him to his room, and closes the door again) Rachel: There's no room under the bed. (looks around because she can't find Joey anymore) Ross: Is everything okay? Rachel: Yeah... (still looking to see where Joey went, and opens the door) Ross: Hey. Rachel: Hi... Ross: You know where Joey is? Rachel: ...I really don't... (looks around again) Ross: Can I talk to you for a minute? Rachel: Yeah, sure... (looks outside into the corridor if Joey is there) (Monica and Chandler's room. Phoebe, Monica and Chandler have their ears pressed against the wall, and Joey looks at them) Joey: I don't believe this... Have you guys been... Phoebe: Shhh... This is the listening side of the wall. (Now Joey also wants to listen, and wants to press his ears against the door, which has a big mirror on it, he hesitates seeing himself in the mirror, but still puts his ear against it. We move again to Rachel's room.) Ross: And then she told me that she and Joey had broken up, and that part of the reason was that she had feelings for me. Rachel: (clearly not listening and still trying to find out where Joey went) Uh-huh... right... yeah... Ross: And you know I wanted to ask Charlie out since the day I met her. Rachel: (still searching) Oh, I know... I know it's been really hard for you. Ross: Anyway, one thing lead to another, and... oh... before you know it, we were kissing. I mean, how angry do you think Joey is gonna be? Rachel: (now looking up at the ceiling) That is hard to say, Ross. That is hard to say. Ross: You know, I gotta go find him. He's gotta be here someplace. Rachel: You would think! (Ross leaves the room) Rachel: Joey! Joey: Is he gone? Rachel: (still can't find him) How are you doing this? (Joey now enters the room through the door, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe are following him.) Joey: Pssst... Rachel: How... wha... Hey! What are you... What is this? Have you guys been listening this entire time? Monica, Chandler and Phoebe: YE-AH! Phoebe: Now, what is this? Rachel: Ah, what is this? Well, lets see, we kissed for ten minutes and now we're talking to our friends about it, so I guess this is sixth grade! Phoebe: Oh no... Have you thought about it how complicated this could get? What about Ross? Joey: Well, he's with Charlie now. Monica: Yeah, but he wants to talk to you before anything really happens with her. And as his friend, I mean, don't you think he deserves the same from you? Joey: (long pause and he twitches a bit) You're a pain in my ass, Geller! Rachel: All right, look you guys... Look, we appreciate all the advice, but this is between Joey and me and I think we can handle it... Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you? Rachel: Sure... Chandler: Enunciate! Rachel: Get out! (They leave and Rachel locks the door.) Rachel: Are they right? Joey: Probably, yeah... I mean, maybe we should... hold off until we talk to Ross. Rachel: Yeah... Yeah, we can wait, we don't have to do anything tonight. Joey: Yeah, I think that'd be best... So, so I'm gonna... I'm gonna take off... Rachel: (Joey walks to the door) Although... Joey: (turns around very fast) I like although! Rachel: I mean, you know... Ross and I haven't dated in like... six years... Joey: Six years? Wow... It's almost as long as highschool... Rachel: Plus, you know, he is with Charlie now. Joey: Absolutely! He's not thinking about you. Rachel: No... Joey: I'm thinking about you... Rachel: Yeah... Joey: Let's forget about Ross... Rachel: Forgotten. (They want to kiss, but just before their lips touch, Rachel pulls back quickly, gasping) Joey: What's wrong? Rachel: Nothing... Joey's voice, but she sees Ross: Seriously... What is it? Rachel: Nothing... It's really... It's nothing... Come here, come here... (again, just before their lips touch, she pulls back, gasping) Joey's voice/Ross: What's wrong? Rachel: Sorry, I just uhm... I can't seem to get Ross out of my head... Joey: Well, maybe I can help. (he grabs her head passionately, closes his eyes and kisses... Ross in Rachel's dress! He realises it too late, and when he does, pushes Ross's/Rachel's head away) Rachel/Ross: Ooh, your lips are so soft... Do that again... (and she/he moves in for another kiss. Joey, pushes her head away again...) Joey: Yeah... we really need to talk to Ross... Both: Yeah [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Monica's room. Chandler is packing when Ross knocks on the door and enters...] Ross: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Ross: You guys ready to go? Chandler: Not quite. Monica's still at the salon, and I'm just finishing packing. Ross: Dude! You're not taking your Bible? Chandler: You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it? Ross: Learn about Jesus... (Charlie now also enters the room, Chandler walks to the bathroom) Ross: Hey! Charlie: So, did you talk to Joey? Ross: Uh, no... no. I couldn't find him. I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane. Charlie: Yeah, sounds like a good idea... Dr. Geller! Ross: Stop it! Charlie: PHD Ross: You're filthy! (Phoebe enters) Phoebe: Hey, have you guys seen Monica? Ross: Uh, actually I think she went to the salon. Phoebe: Oh yeah, oh, she went to the salon alright... (Monica enters, with her hair braided and little shells at the end) Monica: Check it out! Phoebe: Who's day just got better? CHANDLER! (Chandler enters from the bathroom) Chandler: Hey!... aaaaaahhhh! Monica: What do you think? Chandler: I think.... I think I can see your scalp. Monica: Don't you just love it? Ross: Ye... Yeah... Yeah... You got shellfish in your head. Charlie: It's so... something... You go girlfriend! Ross: You've never said that in your life, have you? Charlie: Not once. Ross: I thought so. Monica: And listen to this... (shakes her body so the shells tingle) Chandler: What d'ya know... It's a treat for the eyes and the ears. [Scene: Boarding the plane.] Joey: Whoo, whoo. Wow, it's uhm... kinda weird that I'm sitting next to Charlie after we broke up. Chandler: Yeah, it's almost if Air Barbados doesn't care about your social life. Joey: Look, does someone mind switching to sit with Charlie? Ross: Oh, I uh, I mean, I... dude, I spent the whole conference with Charlie. Joey: I understand... Ross: No, I'll do it. (he quickly grabs Joey's boarding pass and gives Joey his one.) Chandler: Wish I could switch with someone. I really don't wanna sit with Allen Iverson over there. (Switch to Phoebe and Mike, who are kissing) Phoebe: Uhm... You know, once we're in the air and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign... you feel free to roam about my cabin... Mike: You should be careful when checking your overhead bins, 'cause items may shift during... Phoebe: Aaah... you're not good at this... Mike: You don't have to go home tonight, do you? Phoebe: No, I think I can come over. It's Saturday, right? Mike: Oh... Phoebe: What? Mike: Uhm... I can't do anything tonight. Phoebe: Why not? Mike: I have a date. Phoebe: You have a... You have a date? With who? Mike: Oh, it's... my girlfriend. Phoebe: (lets go of his hand) You have... have a girlfriend? Mike: Yeah... Well, when... you and I broke up I started seeing someone. Phoebe: For how long? Mike: Three months. Phoebe: Three months? Okay... This is probably none of my business, but uhm, how long do you think you're gonna keep seeing her? Mike: I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. I promise. Phoebe: Oh, okay... good. You do that. And then when you get home, maybe there'll be a special delivery package waiting for you. Mike: Maybe I'll sign for it. Tear it open. Pull out the packing material... Phoebe: You know what, we're gonna have s*x. Let's just leave it there. (cut to Charlie and Ross) Ross: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says "duty free". Charlie: Okay... Good luck. (Ross gets up and gestures to Rachel, we cut to Joey and Rachel) Rachel: Ross is coming over. I think now would be a really good time to talk to him. Joey: I guess so. I'm just... really nervous. Rachel: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner. Joey: Ooh... Rachel: Still nervous? Joey: I'm gonna get the lasagna. Ross: Hey Rach... Rachel: Yeah! Ross: Do you mind if I sit here for a sec.? Rachel: Yeah, yeah sure! Yeah! (mouths "Good luck" to Joey and gets up from her seat) Ross: Hey! Joey: Hey! Ross: So, I uhm... kinda need to talk to you about Charlie. Joey: Yeah? Ross: Okay, last night after you guys broke up... so sorry to hear about that, by the way... Well, Charlie and I were talking, and..., well... Joey: You kissed. Ross: Wha... (gasps) What? What would give you that idea? Joey: I saw you. Ross: Yeah, we kissed, but... nothing else... nothing else happened, okay. Joey: Ross, Ross, Ross... It's okay. Ross: What? Joey: It's okay. You know, I totally understand, alright? You guys, make way more sense than her and I ever did, you know. And... I want you to be happy. Ross: Are you serious? Joey: Yeah... Now I have something... Ross: I am speachless... I mean the fact that you would put my happiness first like that. I mean, you're an incredible friend, you know that? Joey: Oh... uh... look... before you... Ross: No, I mean it. You are so loyal man, and selfless, and generous... Joey: I am those things, yeah. Ross: You know what? I know Chandler longer, so I always think of him as my best friend, but now... I may have to rethink some stuff... Joey: Dude! Ross: Hey, if there is ever, anything I can do for you... Joey: I can't think of anything. (They both hug, and Rachel, who was in the back of the plane, sees this and smiles.) Ross: Thanks! Joey: Yeah. (Ross walks to the back of the plane, where Rachel is.) Rachel: So hi! Ross: Hi! Rachel: So you eh, you talked to Joey? Ross: Ah, yeah. We had a really good talk. Rachel: Oh! That's great! Ross: Yeah! Rachel: Oh, so everything's okay? Ross: Oh, no, it's great. It's great. He is... He is an amazing guy. Rachel: Ah... Well, obviously I think so too. Ross: Well, I'm so excited about this. Rachel: Really? Excited? Ross: Are you kidding? I have had some very dirty dreams about this... Rachel: Excuse me! (and she walks back to Joey, who is still looking very impressed about what Ross said to him. Rachel looks at him and hits him.) You didn't tell him, did you? Joey: I couldn't. He was saying all these really nice things about me. I didn't want him to get mad and take 'em all back. I'm on a edge on Chandler. Rachel: Oh God! Alright, fine. You know what Joey, forget it. When we go back to New York, I will tell him. Joey: Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that. (Chandler walks by and Joey lets out an evil "muhahaho".) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Mike's apartment. Phoebe's there and the phone rings.] Phoebe: Hi, Mike's place. Mike: Hey, it's Mike. Phoebe: Ooh, that was fast. Mike: Oh, err... no, she's not here yet. You know, I think I'm just gonna take off and break up with her over the phone... Phoebe: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I. Mike: One more thing... There... might be a picture of Precious on my coffee table. Phoebe: Her name is Precious? Is she a purebreed or did you pick her up at the pound? Mike: Anyway, I just wanna give you a heads up. Phoebe: Okay, oh and you know, if she gets upset, just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snout. (laughs and hangs up the phone) (there's knocking on the door which Phoebe opens) Precious: Hi, I'm Precious, who are you? Phoebe: (stunned) I... I'm Phoebe. Precious: Phoebe? Mike's ex-girlfriend Phoebe, the love of his life? That Phoebe? Phoebe: Enchant (she holds out her hand, and they shake hands) [Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's carrying the laundry hamper to their coffee table.] Monica: Oh, I can't wait for everyone at work to see these... (plays with her hair to make the shells tingle again) Ow! Chandler: You go back to work tomorrow night, right? Monica: Yeah! Chandler: So if you want people to see them, then by definition you're not having them taken out... say, at the break of dawn? Monica: Well, if I had them taken out, then I wouldn't be able to do this. (she pushes Chandler on the couch and brushes her hair and shells against Chandler's chest) You like that, right? (again, she brushes her hair against his chest and hums...) Chandler: What are you singing? Monica: It's "Bolero" from "10". Chandler: It's "Ride of the Valkyries" from "Apocalypse Now"... See, here's the thing: The corn rose were really a solution to your frizzy hair problem. And now that we're home, we don't have that problem anymore, so if you think about it... I hate them! Monica: You what? You said you liked them. Chandler: Did I? Let's refresh. I believe what I said was that I could see your scalp. Monica: Fine, so you don't like them. Everybody else does. Chandler: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different. Monica: You know what? I don't care. I like it like this, and I'm gonna keep it. You're just jealous because your hair can't do this... (and she shakes her head more violently) OUCH! Chandler: Hit yourself in the tooth? Monica: And the eye! [Scene: Ross's apartment.Someone's knocking on the door. Ross rushes to the door and it's Rachel with Emma.] Ross: (gasps) Hi... There she is. Hi Emma. Oh my God, I missed you. (kisses her) Oh Emma, I missed you so much. Hey... Did you have a good time with grandma Green? Huh? Did she give you a bottle of anti-depressants again to use as a rattle? (to Rachel) Rachel: That was one time, Ross, and they were only like 5 milligrams. Ross: Ooh hey, Emma, daddy has some presents for you okay? Okay? I want you to wait right here. Come here sweetie. Rachel: Aaah... Ross, actually there's something that I really need to talk to you about. Ross: (unpacking his bag) Okay, shoot! Rachel: Okay, uhm... alright, here's the deal. Ross: (gasps) OH NO! Rachel: What? What is it? Ross: Oh, major shampoo explosion! Rachel: Uh, look Ross, this really isn't easy. Ross: Oh, it's all over everything. Why? Why me? (looks up) Rachel: Because you took three hundred bottles of shampoo? Ross: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You were saying? Rachel: Well, yeah... Okay, look it's about me and... Ross: Oh, not another one! Oh my G... And this is moisturiser. It's even harder to clean! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people? Rachel: Wow! Well, clearly this is not a good time. Ross: Duh, you think? (enters the kitchen) [Scene: Mike's place. Phoebe is on the phone.] Phoebe: Okay, bye. Alright, so Mike's on his way over. See, you thought you guys were meeting here, and he thought you were meeting at the restaurant, so you know... Doesn't really matter who's right or wrong. Point is... I'm gonna take off. Precious: I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what's going on here. I mean, are you guys getting back together or something? Phoebe: Alright... Susie, can I call you Susie? Precious: My name is Precious. Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours. Precious: I just can't believe this... Why? Phoebe: Well, I don't... Precious: Oh, why would he do this? I mean, what's wrong with me? Phoebe: Nothing, there's nothing wrong with you. Precious: I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do now? Phoebe: Damn it woman, pull yourself together! Have some pride, for the love of God. (Precious starts crying) Phoebe: Okay, not a fan of the tough love. Precious: I just can't believe that Mike didn't give me any warning. Phoebe: But he didn't really know, you know. He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados and proposing to me... Precious: He proposed to you? This is the worst birthday ever. (she starts to cry again) Phoebe: Look, Precious... Mike's not worth this. You're an attractive, intelligent woman and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you... He was gonna break-up with you on your birthday? And, I don't like to kiss-and-tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend. Precious: Oh, my God, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need him. I deserve to be treated with respect. (Mike enters the apartment.) Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a b*st*rd, and I hope you rot in hell. (she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.) Phoebe: You're welcome! [Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Only Chandler is in the living room and walks to the bathroom.] Chandler: Honey, you've been in there for a long time... Is everything okay? Monica: Not really. (Chandler enters the bathroom, and Monica is standing there in a towel, with her hair stuck in the shower curtain.) Monica: I have a problem. Chandler: Really? What happened? Monica: Well, I was dancing around, and singing "No Woman, No Cry" and I got stuck. Chandler: You can't move at all? Monica: Oh, well, I can move... (she moves back and forth the shower curtain rail, opening and closing the shower curtain with her hair as she goes) Chandler: If I untangle you, will you please get rid of the corn rose? Monica: (looking disappointed) I guess so... Chandler: (trying to untangle her) Some of these look a little frayed. Monica: Yeah, I tried to gnaw myself free. [Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. Joey enters.] Joey: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Joey: So, did you err... did you tell Ross? Rachel: Well, I tried, but then he had a shampoo related emergency. So I guess now it's your turn again. Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side) Rachel: Yeah, 'cause that's what we do. Joey: Alright, alright, okay, uhm... How 'bout this, how about this? Tomorrow... tomorrow we'll both go and we'll tell him together. Rachel: Okay, that sounds fair. It just means that once again we can't... Joey: I know, I know..., but that's okay. I mean, we can control ourselves, we're not animals. Rachel: No! Of course we can wait. Alright, so I guess that means good night then? Joey: Yeah! Good night! (they give each other a small kiss on the mouth, and stare at each other for a while) Rachel: Goo--ood night! Joey: Good night! (they give each other a kiss again, but this time it lasts longer) Rachel: Seriously, good night! Joey: Stop saying good night. Rachel: Okay. (Now they kiss passionately... and then Ross enters with Emma. They freeze, pull away and look at Ross who looks like he just can't believe what he's seeing. Joey straightens his shirt, and Rachel says I'm so-oo sorry, and presses her breasts together, just like Joey did before.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica walks in with one of those knitted Rasta hats.] Monica: Look what I found in the drawer... (Chandler looks up from his book.) And you said I'd never wear this... Chandler: Now that I untangled you, how 'bout you doing a little something for me? Monica: Sure, what do you have in mind? Chandler: I think you know. Monica: Really? I don't really feel like it. Chandler: This is what I want to do. Monica: Okay, I just don't get why you like it so much. Chandler: (Picks up the "Miss Congeniality" DVD) She's an FBI agent, posing as a beauty contestant.

Rachel and Joey decide to talk to Ross about their relationship, while Ross tries to talk to Joey about his relationship with Charlie. Ross confesses his relationship to Joey but Joey chickens out. Ross later walks in on Rachel and Joey kissing. Monica has her hair done in cornrows to get rid of her frizzy hair but Chandler hates it. Monica finally comes around to Chandler's way of thinking when she gets her hair caught on the shower curtain. Phoebe finds out that Mike has been seeing a woman named Precious (Anne Dudek) for the past few months and now needs to break up with her. Phoebe waits for Mike to return from his break-up but finds herself breaking up for him when Precious shows up at Mike's apartment. Note: Originally aired as a 48-minute episode.

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Jamal's accident wasn't an accident. It was an attempt on his life. A woman tried to inject him with poison. Her loyalty was to Ihab Rashid. He's a terrorist. Ihab: Now thank him for sending us Samira. You have filled your pockets collaborating with the Al Fayeeds. Barry: I'm an Al Fayeed. That means I'm a powerful man here. Molly: Are you saying you want to stay? Jamal: Without family, we have nothing. Without family, we are nothing. Barry: Jamal, it's, uh... it's me, Bassam. What would you think if I hung around for a while? (pounding on door) (door creaks open) Ziad: Good morning. Hamid: Good morning. Ziad: Are you Hamid Mahfouz? Are you the husband of this woman? Child: Mommy? Ziad: I believe that you are. I need you to come with us. Hamid: What about my children? Who will take care of them? Ziad: You have neighbors. Baba! They will keep an eye out. (shower running) [SCENE_BREAK] Leila: Good morning. You have your first council meeting today. Jamal: How long have you been here in my bed? Leila: Most of the night. Jamal: Why? Leila: I... I didn't want you to spend the first night out of the hospital alone. It just seemed wrong. (Jamal exhales) I've been giving it a lot of thought, Jamal. I think it's important that we behave like a couple again. Jamal: Pssh... You've given it a lot of thought, huh? Now that I'm the president? What? Suddenly you are filled with feelings for me? Leila: Not suddenly, Jamal. I always have, you know that. You want this, and I want this for you. Jamal: For me? Leila: Yes, for you. Jamal: What an amazing morning. First, my wife decides to put aside all the hurt feelings and humiliation I have caused her and crawl back into my bed now, when I'm useless as a man. And suddenly, my brother decides not to run back to California to treat measles and chickenpox and mumps, but to stay here and help me hold the country together. Leila: Bassam is staying? Why? Jamal: Because he is my brother. Because this is our home. And because he offered and I said yes. Leila: Okay, but we don't need the help of Bassam. We have each other, Jamal. We've lived here our whole lives. We don't need the help of someone who ran away 20 years ago and now needs a map to find his way... Jamal: Stop it. Leila: Around the country. Jamal: Stop it. Barry: I don't know exactly what I'll be doing. They sent over this briefing book, so I know today I'll be in a bunch of meetings, but day in, day out... I just think that, with everything that's going on around here, your grandfather dying and uncle Jamal recuperating, it's... it's just not the right time for me to go. Sammy: Well, I think it's a great idea. Um, do you want me to stay? I mean, you know, keep you company? Emma: God, you are truly an ass. Sammy: I mean, you know, I feel like we're walking away from an excellent college essay experience, here. Molly: Can I talk to you in the other room? Barry: Sure. Molly: What if we stay, too? Barry: Didn't we talk about this last night? Your practice, the kids' schools... Molly: I know, I know. I know we did. I just... I can't decide which I find more frightening: You being so far away, or us being so far away from you. Barry: I just... I... I don't think it makes any sense. I'm gonna be gone three weeks, maybe a month. Molly: You don't know that. You have no idea how long you're gonna be here. I-I'm just saying, I love that you're finally making a connection with these people, this place. You know? Filling in some blanks. I guess... I just thought it would be nice to be part of it with you. Barry: It would. It would be nice. If we didn't have kids. If we didn't both have medical practices. If we didn't have a thousand obligations pulling us back home. I just... I don't see how it makes any sense. Molly: Okay. Do what you have to do. Tomorrow night, the kids and I'll fly home and while you're sleeping, we'll be going on with our lives, and while we're sleeping, you'll be going on with yours. And then in three weeks... or three months, or whenever... we'll all be back in the same time zone again. And you're right. What's the big deal? (men talking indistinctly) Walid: Shouldn't Jamal hear from me personally? Yussef: It's better if I go alone. Walid: But... Oh, Bassam. Yussef: You remember Walid Rashid, from the wedding? Barry: Of course. Walid: Uh... Yussef: Yeah. Walid: Uh-uh-uh... (talking quietly) (Jamal clears throat) Jamal: His... his chair. I would sit in his lap... here on the floor by his feet. His wisdom, his patience, his nerve... I tried to soak it all in. I did soak it all in. I am ready, and now it's your turn, my son. Sit, listen, learn, so you can be ready. As you can see, I have invited my brother Bassam to join us. In addition to being an Al Fayeed, he is very wise, very loyal, and that is why I would like to make him a permanent member of this body, with the title special consul to the president. Barry: Uh, Mr. President, I'm very honored, but, uh... I-I'm not sure I'm gonna be here long enough to... to need or want a title. Jamal: That's okay, Bassam. You can't use it up or wear it out. But I will feel better knowing it's here for you in case you need it. That's all. (Yussef clears throat) Yussef: Mr. President... I am sure you are aware that General Tariq, in his effort to find the people responsible for the attempt on your life, has put Abbudin under martial law. Our old friend Walid Rashid is concerned that this will destroy the summer pilgrimages, which begin next week. After all, why would the expected 200,000 tourists come to Abbudin only to be frisked and searched and ordered off the streets by 6:30? He wanted me to give you this petition, which is signed by over a thousand business owners, all of whom will be impacted by these police actions if they drag into next week. Jamal: Walid gave you this, Yussef? Yussef: Yes. Jamal: And is Walid not the uncle of Ihab Rashid, the very man we are looking for? Yussef: Yes. Jamal: Then tell Walid to hand over his cowardly nephew, and General Tariq will suspend the curfew, the roadblocks and everything else. Simple. Yussef: If Walid knew where his nephew was, he'd tell us. Jamal: Have you asked him? Yussef: Of course. And General Tariq has questioned him as well. He claims he does not know his nephew's whereabouts. Jamal: You know what? I don't believe him. Do you believe him, General? Tariq: I believe very little that's said to me unless I'm holding the person's life in my hands. That having been said, nothing would give me greater pleasure than to suspend martial law. And I'm still hopeful that we can do that very thing prior to the beginning of the pilgrimages. But now would be a foolish time to loosen our grip, since we finally know, with certainty, that it was Walid's nephew Ihab Rashid who supplied the deadly syringe used in the attack against you. Yussef: "With certainty"? Tariq: There's a witness. Tariq: Please, tell the council your name. Hamid: Ha-Hamid Mahfouz. Tariq: And your wife's name? Hamid: Fatma Mahfouz. Tariq: And were you aware of the... relationship between your wife and our president? Jamal: Stop! Stop, stop. Ahmed, I need you to leave. Ahmed: Father... Jamal: Now! Tariq: Again. Were you aware of the... friendship between your wife and the president? Hamid (crying): She, uh... she said she loved him. Tariq: But if she loved him, why then did she try to kill him? Hamid: Ihab Rashid. He knew about them, and he gave me the syringe. He said if she didn't do it, he would kill our children. So I gave it to her, and I told her what to do. Tariq: Thank you for your testimony, Mr. Mahfouz. We can transport the witness back to the prison. Hamid: Mr. President, please! Please, I had no choice! I swear! Have some mercy on me and my children, please! Tariq: Lest anyone doubt the very real peril our president faced, the laboratory reports have confirmed the syringe was filled with deadly ricin. The good news is that we have captured 37 members of his Izz-al-Din brigade, all of whom we've jailed and all of whom are being interrogated as we speak. It's only a matter of time before we capture Ihab himself. Jamal: Yussef, you tell Walid we are going to find his sh1t of a nephew one way or the other. But if he makes me wait... Whaddump... I'll hang them both. Minister of commerce: Mr. President, if I may turn your attention to docket... Yussef: Welcome home. Minister of commerce: And discuss the funding for the installation of moving the sidewalk... Samira: Going to work. Fauzi: So you're babysitting? Samira: Mm-hmm. Fauzi: Samira... don't forget the curfew. Samira: Okay. But if they need me to stay over, I'll call you. (Jamal sighs) Jamal: Well, my first day as the president is just about over and our nation is still here. It's going to be fine, papa. Look at him. Married man. Beautiful wife. Fresh, young. You just can't let her think for a minute that you are satisfied. Always make her wonder: "Am I doing enough?" Maybe something different tonight. Maybe something crazier tonight. (Barry clears his throat) Barry: As your doctor, I'm advising you to stop mixing brandy with your prescription opioids. I believe it's time for dinner. Jamal: You know what your problem is, Bassam? You are no fun. I'm starting to think all that western education has taken the Al Fayeed out of you. Samira: You know they've shut off the internet again. Ihab: Mm-hmm. Samira: And they've added more checkpoints. It seems like they're determined to find you and stop you. Determined to make you pay for what happened to the president. Ihab: Even though I had nothing to do with it. (wry laugh) You scared? Hmm? No one knows that we are here except my uncle. We are in the middle of nowhere. So... (indistinct chatter nearby) What are you doing? Open. Samira, you are offending Allah. Samira: But am I offending you? Ihab: Yes. Nusrat: Ahmed, stop. Please. Ahmed: But we are married. We are supposed to be together. Nusrat: And we will be. I promise we will be. Tomorrow. (Ahmed sighs) Walid: He's my brother's son. Yussef: It's not as if you had a choice. They're very good at this sort of thing, you know. They'll be using stun grenades. Lots of sound and light, but no blood. (Walid laughs wryly) Walid: Right. They save that for the hangings. Yussef, I've shown you where he is. They're going to do what they have to do. Must I sit here and watch it? Yussef: Close your eyes if you want. (explosive popping in distance) Yussef: All done. Yussef: Cigarette? (cell phone buzzing) (footsteps approaching) (Jamal clears his throat) Jamal: I have asked our friend from the United States to join us as we have some news to share that will be of interest to him. Tariq: Approximately 45 minutes ago, soldiers from the president's office for internal security took Ihab Rashid and ten of his followers and a substantial cache of illegal weaponry into custody. (applause) Jamal: Thank you, General. You have your country's gratitude. I am happy. I hope the united states is happy, too. John: Anything that signals the end of the mass arrests and checkpoints and roadblocks and curfews absolutely pleases the United States, yes. Jamal: Very kind. General...? Tariq: At 12:00 noon, day after tomorrow, we will hang Ihab Rashid in the Capitol square. And, at that time, all the domestic protocols you mentioned will cease. In plenty of time for the pilgrimages, I might add. (applause) [SCENE_BREAK] Barry: Wait, they're gonna publicly hang him? They still do that here? John: Practically the national pastime. Barry: Without a trial. John: Why delay the fun? Jamal: Bassam. Is there a problem? Barry: No, um... I don't know. I-it just seems, as an outsider, that death by hanging, without even the benefit of a trial, seems a kind of barbaric way to deal with your enemies. Tariq: It actually is quite effective. The strategic goal is to strike fear into the hearts of anyone contemplating a challenge to this regime. And in my experience, the sight of a body swinging from a noose strikes abundant fear. Jamal: Thank you, everyone. This meeting is adjourned. (men talking quietly) (phone ringing) Fauzi: Hello? Barry: Fauzi. It's Bassam. You called. Fauzi: My old friend. So, I'm hearing that you've joined the opposition. Special counsel to the president. Impressive. Any way I can get a meeting? Barry: What are you talking about? Two days ago, you couldn't wait to get rid of me. Okay, sure. When do you want to meet? Fauzi: Now. Barry: Fauzi, it's 10:00 at night. I'm not gonna see Molly and the kids for a while. Can't this hold? Fauzi: Well, I'm not sure if it matters to you, but you're about to execute the wrong man. Barry: Well, that... that's the first I've heard of it, but... Yeah, of course it matters, if it's true. Fauzi: Yeah, I've been working on this story ever since Jamal was first ambushed. Not that anybody's going to read it; no one can. There's no way to post it. Someone did put that woman up to killing your brother, but it wasn't Ihab Rashid. Barry: Fauzi, if you really believe this, then I need a name and I need it now. Fauzi: Yeah, well, uh... I need a favor. Barry: What favor? (sighs) Fauzi: My daughter was arrested this evening with Ihab and his followers. See, the past few months, she's become distant, more and more religious, but I had no idea that she was involved with Ihab. If you bring her home to me, Bassam, I'll give you the name. Barry: Wait a second, wait a second. Y-you want me to free your daughter from jail and then bring her to you? How am I supposed to do that? Fauzi: Well, I'm sorry, my friend. I... I thought that you were the special counsel to the president. Sammy: So you Skype? Abdul: Sure. Sammy: But you've never been on a plane? You've never... never left Abbudin? Abdul: What for? Sammy: I don't know, uh... To see things, learn things... try things... Abdul: No. I can do all that here. As long as I'm careful. Sammy: Okay. Then I guess when I, when I go home tomorrow, we can, um... Skype. Can I ask you something? Abdul: You can ask me anything. Sammy: Do your parents know? Abdul: Know what? (Sammy breathing passionately) Barry: You okay? (Barry clears throat) So, your father told me... and I told the judge who freed you... That your getting arrested was an accident. That you have nothing to do with Ihab Rashid. The problem is, they found your car at his safe house, so they're gonna ask questions. Now, the best I could come up with, of the top of my head, is that you were carjacked by some of his men and they took you back there to, uh, to... rob you and rape you. It's not an ideal story, but... but I need you to stick with it and not say anything different to your friends. I don't want to give the government an excuse to put you back in jail. Can I count on you to play along? Fauzi: Oh! I'm so happy to see you. What the hell were you doing with those men? Ihab Rashid? Samira: I was trying to make a difference. Something you wouldn't understand. Fauzi: Samira, wait. Did you thank the man, at least? Samira: He's an Al Fayeed. I don't owe him anything. He owes me. (door closes) (Barry clears throat) Barry: She's young. Fauzi: I keep telling myself it's going to pass. I just want her to live through it. I'm sorry about your father. Barry: No, you're not. Fauzi: I am. I knew his son. He's a good friend of mine. I asked him for a favor and he did it. I think he deserves better than to be insulted by a child. Barry: The only thing I deserve is what you promised me: the name of the man who tried to kill my brother. Fauzi: Very well. I was going to scan these documents and post them tonight. Instead, I'm going to give them to you. The man you're looking for is Hamid Mahfouz. Barry: Fatma's husband? No, we've already talked to him. He's the one who testified against Ihab at the council. Fauzi: Yeah, well... you might also want to look at the analysis of what really was in that syringe. Bassam, I have friends at the lab. I trust you won't compromise their safety. Barry: I don't understand. We already know what was in the syringe. It was ricin, just like it said in all the news reports. Fauzi: Read the research, talk to Mahfouz and then decide what to do, Bassam. (chains jangling) Barry: Hamid Mahfouz? Hamid: Yes. Barry: I'm the president's brother. I'm Bassam Al Fayeed. I'm also the president's special counsel. I want you to tell me why you're in prison. Hamid: Because I gave my wife Fatma a needle full of ricin to kill president Jamal Al Fayeed, at the behest of Ihab Rashid. Barry: That is not why you're in prison. Why are you in prison? It's 12:30 at night and I'm asking you a question. Hamid: But I just told you the answer. Barry: No. You told me what you were told to tell me. What did they promise you? Who was it? General Tariq? Hamid: General Tariq promised me nothing. Barry: That they'd execute Ihab Rashid and in a couple of months you'd be out of here? 'Cause you know that's never gonna happen. Listen to me, you are in prison because you know too much, my friend. And I don't believe you're ever getting out of here. Hamid: What do I know? Barry: Well, at the very least... I think you know there was no ricin in that syringe. And I'm betting you've never even met Ihab Rashid. Hamid: Yes, I... Barry: No. See, I have a report right here that says the only thing in that syringe was bathroom cleanser. Now, I have to believe, if you really were working for Ihab Rashid, he's not gonna risk his one shot at my brother on tub and tile cleaner. How are your kids? Your two boys? They told you anything about them? They told you where they are? Have they even shown you a picture? I'm the president's brother, Hamid. And I pledge to you... even though we both know you tried to kill him... tell me what's really going on here and I will make sure that no matter what happens to you, your children will be cared for. That is my promise to you. Hamid: Your brother is the devil! Your brother destroyed my life. Barry: Okay, listen, I know that your wife and my brother... Hamid: Your brother would come to my home whenever he felt like it. Take my wife. Do whatever he wanted with her, while me and my sons sit outside in the hall, listening to him grunt and groan. Guns pointed to our heads. When he leaves, she would cry until there were no more tears in her body. Week in and week out, over and over again. Barry: You said she loved him. Hamid: "Loved him"?! (Hamid sobs) We were at the market buying food when he saw her from his fancy car. He picked her out like a piece of meat. "Loved him"? Every time he leaves, she would bathe in scalding hot water just to burn his essence off her skin. And finally, one day, she came to me and told me, "if he comes here one more time, I will kill myself." And I told her, "no. This is backwards. We will kill him." "We must kill him." (Molly gasps) Molly: What are you doing? Barry: I don't think I can do this without you. And I don't think I can not do this. Molly: Are you okay? You look like you've been through a war. Is this you finally asking me to stay? Barry: This is me pleading with you. I can't... do it by myself. It's so dark. Every time I, I think I've hit the bottom, there's a, there's another sub-basement. And I just need, I need one other sane person here that I can talk to, just-just one other sane person. Molly: Okay. I'm here. We're all here as long as you need us. Okay? As long as it's safe. Barry: Okay. Molly: Yeah. Barry: Okay. Okay. I'll be back. Molly: Wait. Where you going? It's the middle of the night. Barry: To make it safe. Guard: It's your brother. Jamal: What? (both grunting) Barry: Goddamn it, I don't know what the hell is wrong with you. Jamal: Aah, Bassam, you're choking me! It's okay. He's my brother. Barry: You could have anyone. But it had to be her, didn't it? The weakest. The meekest. With her husband and her children within earshot. Why is it only satisfying for you to pummel the other person? Huh? That something you learned from dad? (Jamal grunting) (both yelling) Leila: Stop it. Stop it! What are you both doing? Barry: You're insane. Leila: Jamal, what is he talking about? Jamal: Nothing that concerns you. Barry: Oh, really? 'Cause I'd be interested to hear Leila's opinion on that. Why don't we ask her? Leila: Yes, please. I would love that. Jamal: No, it's between you and me. Listen, I know you are upset. If we could just talk, me and you. Please. Come. Brother, I know I have done bad things. But I am the president now. My wife is back home with me. You are back in Abbudin with me. I want to be a new man. And this will never happen again. Barry: Why don't I believe that? You know that, in less than 24 hours, you're gonna hang an innocent man? Jamal: No. Ihab Rashid is not an innocent man. Barry: He's innocent of this. He had nothing to do with that woman. Jamal: How do you know that? Barry: Let's start with the fact that your witness was coerced and your evidence is completely fabricated. Jamal: That is General Tariq's doing. I'm not necessarily aware of... Barry: Stop it. Jamal: The evidence is beside the point. Let's say there is no evidence. What difference does it make? The man is plotting the overthrow of my government. If he's not guilty of this, he's guilty of something else. Barry: That's not how it works! This is the 21st century, okay? The whole world is watching and you're gonna get caught. And when people figure out that you knowingly killed this rock star of a rebel leader for a crime he didn't commit, you'll be staring at a full-blown revolution. They'll hang you, they'll hang your son. They'll hang me, if I'm still here. And not a country on the planet is gonna lift a finger to stop them. Jamal: What do you want me to do? Just tell me what to do and I will do it. They are building the gallows. The Capitol is waiting for the pilgrims. The whole world is watching, as you say. What will you have me do? Open the jails and set everyone free? Barry: Yeah. Yeah. We could start with that, sure. Reporter: Apparently it's a new day in Abbudin. President Jamal Al Fayeed, in office less than a week since the death of his father, freed 30-some political prisoners today and admitted that the manhunt used as a pretext to round them up was based on the mistaken assumption that their leader was involved in an assassination attempt on the President's life... Bassam: You have to apologize. You have to say you're sorry. Barry: Those two children already lost their mother. Now, I need to know they'll be cared for. You have to guarantee they'll be cared for. Money, schooling... We're talking a million dollars. In a trust fund. Irrevocable. Jamal: This is some bargain you are brokering, brother. And what do I get? Barry: You get me... here... with you... helping to fix this place. Oh, yeah. And you get a body to hang. (Jamal sighs) Leila: Is everything okay? You worked out what you needed with Bassam? Jamal: It was nothing. A passing storm. We are brothers. Brothers fight. It was nothing. (sighs) (grunts)

While Barry's decision to stay in Abbudin is met with mixed emotion, the discovery of new evidence connected to the attempted murder of Jamal threatens to drive a wedge between the two brothers.

fd_The_Office_04x12

fd_The_Office_04x12_0

Oscar: So the figures show improvement right there, Michael. And again- [Pam walks in and shows Michael a note] Michael: I'll call back. Kevin: You never call back. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Every time Michael's in a meeting, he makes me come in and give him a Post-It note telling him who's on the phone. I did it once, and he freaked out. He loved it so much. The thing is he doesn't get that many calls. So he has me make them up every 10 minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Pam walks in and shows Michael a note that says "Good Morning"] Yeah, um, tell him I'll call him back. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [laughing] Michael: You can't always work 200 days though. Michael: [Pam walks in and shows Michael a note that has a smiley face] Oh, no, no, no, I don't have time for this. Tell him I'm in a meeting. [Jan looks impressed] [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: You have to know how to work this. There's no excuse for this. Michael: Yep. Ryan: I can get you a tutor if you need- [Pam walks in and shows Michael a note with a waving, smiling Hot Dog saying "Hiya Buddy"] Michael: Oh. Ah, this is a very important client. But, I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss, so I will call him later. Ryan: Oh, no, no, no, customer service is obviously priority one. You can take the call. Michael: N-No, money isn't everything Ryan. And you're my friend, and I don't want to be rude. Ryan: Take the call, friend. Michael: I refuse. My house, my rules, I insist. Ryan: I insist you take your work calls. Michael: Uh, okay, all right. Pam, would you put the call through? [Pam pushes a button the phone] Hi buddy. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: I don't know, it's just, ugh, I never felt welcomed there, you know? It's such a...boys club. Michael: Yeah, I hate that. Jan: Good. Michael: So, here's the deal. Um, I am on my way to New York to be deposed as part of Jan's wrongful termination law suit. The company fired her for having the courage to augment her boobs. Jan: And they displayed a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior. Michael: Yes, yes. Pat-tern. Patt-ern. My friend Pat took a turn. That's how I remember that. Could we pull over and put down the top? I'm feeling a little queasy. Jan: Um, no, I want it up. My hair. Michael: Well- Jan: Remember, it isn't just a pattern, It's a pattern of disrespect, and inappropriate behavior. Michael: Disray .My friend Disray got news specs. Disray spect. My friend Inappro drives a Prius with his behind neighbor. Jan: Does this work for you? Michael: Yep. Tell them how much you're gonna get if you win. Jan: Uh, come on Micheal, that's tacky. Michael: Million dollars! Jan: Four million. Michael: Four million dollars! Man that is a lot of guacamole. A lot of the green. Lot of green. That is why I have memorized Jan's answers, and I have also thrown in some errs, and ahhs, to make it seem like it's not memorized. Jan: No, Michael. Oh, come on. Michael: Perfect crime. Jan: Stop saying ridiculous things. He's just gonna tell the truth, the truth is-is very...you know, complicated, so we went over it carefully, and-and just so we wouldn't leave anything up to chance or Michael's judgment. Michael: Could we please pull over and pull down the top, I do not feel good. Jan: Michael, I told you, I am not putting the top down. Michael: I'm getting car sick! Ugh, I'm gonna puke. I think I'm gonna throw up. Jan: All right, fine, just a second. Hold on. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, Schneider, real quick. What do you call a butt load of lawyers driving off a cliff? Lester: A good start. And I think it's busload. Michael: Yeah, a bunch of rich lawyers took the bus. [To Jan] Where did you find this guy? Hey, there he is. Ryan: Hey Michael. Michael: Hey hey. Ryan: I'm glad you're here. I actually need to talk to you for a second. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Could we talk off the record? As friends? Michael: I would love that. Ryan: Jan... has put the company in a very tough position here. Now you've been with us for a long time. Over 10 years, right? We just want to be sure that you won't do anything to hurt us with your testimony. Do you understand? Michael: Abso-fruitley. Yeah. I'll-I'll do anything for the company. Ryan: Good. That is great to hear. Michael: It is. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [playing ping-pong] Game, son! Jim: All right, let's run it back. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: The warehouse got a ping pong table last week. Now Jim comes down and plays with Darryl. Sometimes I bring him juice. My boyfriend is 12. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong? Pam: Hi, Kelly. Kelly: Guess whose boyfriend it is? Pam: I don't wanna guess. Kelly: I'll give you a hint[/b]: It's not my boyfriend. I think it's a guy over here [points to Jim]. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like[/b]: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like[/b]: You're ugly and I know it for a fact so I got the evidence right there. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Jim. Can I see you for a second? Jim: Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Wow. Pam: Okay, it's not regulation size, but it'll do. You have to practice. You have to get real good and beat Darryl. Jim: Oh, I can't beat Darryl. Pam: Please? Kelly's trash talking me because Darryl is beating you. Jim: What, seriously? What is she saying? [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [flashback, to Pam] Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [flashback, to Pam] Jim couldn't hit a ping pong ball if it was the size of the moon. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [flashback, to Pam] Were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So you're asking me to defend your honor against Kelly? Pam: Sorta, yes. Jim: Bring me players. Pam: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Diane Kelly: Hi everyone, I'm Diane Kelly. I'm the company's chief legal counsel. Michael: Hi. [Michael sees Toby] No, no, absolutely not. What is he doing here? Diane: Toby? Michael: Are you renewing your divorce vows, before my deposition? Toby: Michael, I'm your HR Rep. I'm on your side. Michael: Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves. Jan: Michael, just relax, okay? Diane: You know, I think they're, uh ready for us now. So.. Michael: Okay. All right. [SCENE_BREAK] Deposition Reporter: Mr. Scott. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Michael: Yessh. Lester: Mr. Scott, can you describe the circumstances of Ms. Levinson's termination? Michael: Well, it was not just termination. It was a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior. Lester: Oh. Very good. Well put. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like ice skating. He is a very good ice skater. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, Kevin. Jim needs to see you. Kevin: About what? Pam: He needs help balancing some travel receipts. Kevin: Are you sure he wants me? Because I have Oscar balance my travel receipts. Pam: Yeah, no, he asked for you specifically. He's in the conference room. Kevin: [enters conference room and sees ping pong table] Oh, awesome! [Pam puts "Meeting in Progress" sign on the door] [SCENE_BREAK] Lester: How long have you known the plaintiff? Michael: I haven't actually seen it. But I have seen the firm, and I am planning on renting The Pelican Brief Lester: How long have you known Ms. Levinson? Michael: Six years and two months. Lester: And you were directly under her the entire time? Michael: That's what she said. Lester: Excuse me? Michael: That's what she said. Lester: Ms. Levinson told you she was your direct superior? Michael: Uh, wh-why would she say that? Jan: Can we just move on to another question? Diane: No wait, I don't understand. Who's on record on saying this? Lester: With all due respect, I'm in the middle of a line of questioning. Now Mr. Scott, what did you say Ms. Levinson said? Regarding your employment status with respect to her corporate position. Michael: Come again? That's what she said? I don't know what you're talking about. Jan: Okay, if I may, he was just telling a joke before, so can we move on to another question? Lester: Oh, are you sure? Jan: Uh, yes. Lester: Can you go back to where this digression began? Deposition Reporter: [reading off paper] Mr. Schneider[/b]: And you were directly under her the entire time? Mr. Scott[/b]: That's what she said. Michael: Well, delivery is all wrong. She's butchering it. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [Pam leaving bathroom, Kelly entering, awkward moment, Pam steps aside to let Kelly in] Yeah, that's what I thought. [SCENE_BREAK] Lester: Did Ms. Levinson ever say why she thought she was being fired? Michael: She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what I call them. Lester: Can you be more specific? Who are the twins? Michael: Um, to be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They... make milk. Lester: You don't need to go any further. Her breasts. Michael: Yes. Lester: She thought it had something to do with her recent breast enhancement surgery? Michael: Yes, and frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant. Lester: What about your romantic relationship with Ms. Levinson? Could that have played a part in her termination? Michael: Well, if it did, then the company is breaking its own rules. Lester: Interesting. How so? Michael: Because before we started dating, we disclosed our relationship to HR. And I have the proof right here. [makes a gasping sound] Diane: Okay, the company has just a few clarifying questions, Mr. Scott, if that's okay with you? Michael: I will allow it. Diane: Um would you mind please just, uh, taking a quick look at, uh, this photograph please. [Diane hands Michael the photo of Jan and Michael in Jamaica] Michael: Uh... Diane: That is you and Ms. Levinson in Jamaica, is that correct? Michael: Uh-huh. Diane: And that photograph was taken more than two months prior to this start of your relationship. Does that sound right? Mr. Scott, the timeline here is actually very important. Please, when did your relationship actually begin? Michael: Ugh. Well, de-depends on how you define "begin". I mean, if it was from the first time we shook hands, that's like six years ago. If it's from the first time we kissed, that's like two years ago. Diane: Wait, excuse me? Michael: If it was the first time we kissed sober, it was like four months after that. Lester: Could we take a short break? Diane: No, uh, are you telling me that your relationship began two years ago and not in February as you previously testified to here? Michael: Line. Diane: I'm sorry, what? Man: He asked for a line, like in a play. [SCENE_BREAK] Deposition Reporter: [reading off paper] "Mr. Scott, do you realize you just contradicted yourself?" "I did?" "Yes you did." "Can I go to the bathroom?" "No." "I really have to, I've been drinking lots of water." "You went five minutes ago." "That wasn't to go to the bathroom, that was to get out of a question." "You still have to answer it." "First can I go to the bathroom?" "No." [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Good game Meredith. Meredith: Don't patronize me. Dwight: All right! What is going on here? Jim: Dwight! Thank God you're here. As it turns out, one of our biggest clients is a ping pong master, and I have to play him tomorrow, or we lose the account. Can you help me out? Will you help me practice? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Dwight and Jim are playing ping-pong, and Dwight scores] What the hell? Dwight: I told you. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: All of my heroes are table tennis players. Zoran Primorac, Jan-Ove Waldner, Wang Tao, J rg Ro kopf, and of course Ashraf Helmi. I even have a life size poster of Hugo Hoyama on my wall. And the first time I left Pennsylvania was to go the hall of fame induction ceremony of Andrzej Grubba. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Jan and I had an off again, on again relationship for two years. And I know this destroys her case, and I am sorry, but I throw myself at the mercy of the deposition. Diane Kelly: Thank you, Mr. Scott. That's all we needed to know. Lester: Wait, we'd like to enter to the record a page from Michael Scott's personal journal. Michael: Whoa whoa whoa whoa! What are you doing with my diary? Lester: This is plaintiff's exhibit 107. I quote from an entry dated Janruary 4 of this past year. "Just got back from Jamaica. Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hehe. Oh diary, what a week. I had s*x with my boss. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. Jan was very specific that this is not going anywhere, that it was a one time mistake. But we had s*x six times so you tell me. I am definitely feeling very eerie." Michael: Irie. Lester: Irie, sorry. "More tomorrow. xoxo, Michael." It would appear, that neither you nor Ms. Levinson considered you had a relationship in any sense of the word. Is that correct? Diane Kelly: We're gonna need to see a copy of that entire journal before we proceed. Michael: I don't think anyone in this room has the right to read my diary. Diane Kelly: It's basic discovery. We have the right to review it. Man: OK, let's make ten copies of this diary. Toby: Um, can you make it eleven? Man: Eleven, sure. And we'll break for lunch, so everyone can have a look. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [looking for a place to sit, goes to Toby's table] Can I sit here? Toby: [nods] ...You know, I, uh, I know a little about what you're going through in a way. Um, when I was a kid, my parents got divorced. They both wanted custody, and they both asked me to testify against the other one in court. So, I don't know, I didn't want them getting divorced in the first place you know? I loved them both so much. I just wanted... [Michael pushes Toby's food tray off the table and walks off] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: How can you give up my diary like that? Jan: I had to, I'm sorry but I need to win this. We need to win this. Michael: How'd you even find it? Jan: You keep it under my side of the mattress. Michael: I don't like lump. I'm really upset about this. Jan: Alright, I stole your diary and gave it to my lawyer. You emailed a topless photo of me to everyone in our company. Let's call it even. Michael: Fine. I love you. Jan: I love you too. [SCENE_BREAK] Diane Kelly: [looking at a copy of Michael's diary] Mr. Scott, who is this other woman, Ryan? Who you refer to her as "Just as hot as Jan, but in a different way." Michael: Not a woman, just a cool, great looking, best friend. Lester: Aren't we trying to determine whether Michael or Jan were engaged in a romantic affair? Not Michael and this Ryan person. Toby: [laughs out loud] Excuse me. Michael: Alright, alright. This is the way I see it. Yes, I had s*x with Jan, and yes, I did consider Jan to be my girlfriend. However, Jan clearly didn't consider me to be her boyfriend. So her actions are completely rightful. Diane Kelly: OK Mr. Scott, it's, it's admirable the way you defend a woman who is so obviously ambivalent about her relationship with you. Michael: Thank you very much. You didn't have to say that. Diane Kelly: Considering she consistently gave you such poor performance reviews. Michael: That was before our relationship. She was going through a divorce, and she was drinking a lot... [Jan glares at Michael] ...of water. Diane Kelly: Mr. Scott, this is a copy of a particularly negative performance review. Would you mind, uh, reading the date on that please? [slides the performance review towards Michael] Michael: March 17th. Diane Kelly: And that would be a month after your relationship became official, is that correct? Michael: Yes. Diane Kelly: You may read the, uh, highlighted portion out loud if you'd like to. Michael: [reading the performance review] "I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks. Mr. Scott has time and again proven himself to be an unmanageable employee, and a poor branch manager. I recommend he be removed from that position and re-assigned to sales where he belongs." Diane Kelly: Mr. Scott, after hearing that wouldn't you say Ms. Levinson's judgment is, at least, very seriously flawed? Michael: [stares at Diane, eyes tearing up] Diane Kelly: Mr. Scott? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [walks in the conference room where Jim and Dwight are playing ping-pong] How's it going? Dwight: Well, he has gone from completely hopeless to simply miserable. Jim: Check this out though, spin serve. [serves, and Dwight scores] Well, it works like 80% of the time, so... Pam: Nice. So, should I reschedule the rematch with Darryl now? Jim: I think I'm ready. Pam: I'll make the call. Dwight: Wait a minute, Darryl is the client? ...No, no, no. He works here, dumbass. Jim: ...Right. Spin-serve! [serves, and Dwight scores] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: How can you do that to me? Jan: [looks at Lester] Lester: You can respond, just remember it's all going into the record. Jan: Michael, I am not the enemy, OK? Dunder Mifflin is the enemy. Michael: Dunder Mifflin has always treated me with the utmost respect, with loyalty. They were going to give me your job and I should have taken it. Jan: Alright, wait. Before you go any further, let me show you what kind of loyalty they have, OK? Lester, please read that part of Wallace's deposition. Lester: Starting at paragraph 6. Council[/b]: "Mr. Wallace, regarding Michael Scott, was he a contender to replace Jan Levinson?" David Wallace[/b]: "Yes." Michael: See? I was his number 1 contender. I was being groomed. Lester: Council[/b]: "Was he your first choice?" David Wallace[/b]: "Michael Scott is a fine employee who has been with the company for many years." Council: "Was he in the top 5 of contenders?" David Wallace[/b]: "What do you want me to say? Come on, he's a nice guy. There were many people that I considered." Council[/b]: "Was he seriously being considered for the corporate job?" David Wallace[/b]: "No." Lester: I have one more question, Mr. Scott. Wouldn't you agree with Ms. Levinson that the company exhibits a pattern of disrespect toward its employees? Michael: ...Absolutely not. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [watches Jim score in ping-pong against Darryl] Yes! Way to go. [looks at Kelly] See that? Kelly: Yeah, the floppy haired girl you date won a point. Darryl: 19, serving 4. [serves and scores] Kelly: Woooh! Nice baby! Nice one! [starts singing] Hey, hey, you, you! I don't like your boyfriend! Cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz he sucks at ping-pong! Pam: You know what? I'm sick of this! Let's go, you and me! Kelly: What? Pam: Let's go. Pick up a paddle. Kelly: OK. Bring it on. Pam: I am. Kelly: Think you can handle this? Pam: In my sleep. Kelly: OK. Volley for serve, P. [serves] Pam: O. [hits the ping-pong ball, and it hits the net] [serves] P. Kelly: O. [hits the ping-pong ball, and it hits the net] Jim: Do you want to go play on the table upstairs? Darryl: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] David: Michael. I am very sorry. Michael: Oh, hey no biggie. Just... David Wallace: No, no, no, no, no. This was rough. We never meant for you to get caught in the middle of this. I'm very sorry. Michael: [nods and shakes hands with David Wallace] Hey, David? David: Yeah? Michael: I think you're a nice guy too. David: Thanks, Michael. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Why did I do it? I don't know. Jan said that it was because of the photo that she revealed the diary. But she already brought the diary with her to New York, so... You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Driving with Jan in the car] What do you want to do for dinner? Jan: How about Chinese? Michael: Sure trying to save some money... get something cheap. Jan: That was my cheap suggestion. Chinese was my cheap suggestion. Michael: Do you fast food? Jan: Fine, fast food's fine.

Michael is thrown in the middle of a deposition between Dunder Mifflin and his girlfriend Jan after Jan sues the company for wrongful termination. Although the case initially goes well for Jan, Michael's actions lead to Dunder Mifflin easily getting the upper hand. Meanwhile, back at Dunder Mifflin Scranton, a ping pong craze turns into a battle of the relationships between Pam and Jim and Kelly and Darryl.

fd_American_Horror_Story_02x01

fd_American_Horror_Story_02x01_0

(Present Day) (Briarcliff) (Outside) Leo: Just look sexy, please. Theresa: Come on. Leo: You always look sexy. God, I'm so happy I married you. What are they going to do to me in there? Theresa: If you stop taking pictures and come inside, we can find out. This place is amazing. (A pair of newlyweds explore abandoned Briarcliff Manor.) Leo: You think we're still going to want to bang each other when we're 80? Theresa: Uh, you better. Otherwise I'm going to leave your a#s. Leo: Wait a minute. I'm the best you've ever had. Theresa: Actually, there was this one guy... Leo: Shut up. Shut up. You are so sexy. Theresa: Come on. Let's go inside. Leo: Last stop on the haunted honeymoon tour. Theresa: Better make it good. Both: Mm-hmm. Leo: Here comes the bride (Inside the asylum) Theresa: (reading up on it on a smartphone) Built in 1908, Briarcliff Manor was the largest tuberculosis ward on the East Coast. 46,000 people died here. Leo: You think it's haunted? Theresa: They shuttle the bodies out through an underground tunnel called "the death chute." We should totally do it in the death chute. Leo: Oh, my God, you are so demented. I love you. Theresa: What are we going to tell our kids about the honeymoon? Leo: Tell them the truth. How we visited the 12 most haunted places in America and screwed our brains out in every single one. Theresa: Or that Mommy's a horror freak and Daddy lives to make Mommy happy? Leo: Mmm, he does. Theresa: Mm-hmm. (They kiss.) Come on. Let's keep exploring. Leo: All right. We got an hour before sunset. Let's make it quick. Theresa: The Catholic Church bought this place in '62 and turned it into a sanitarium for the criminally insane. Legend has it that once you are committed at Briarcliff, you never got out. Their most famous resident was a serial killer. Leo: Bloody Face. (The walls are covered in graffiti, including "Bloody Face.") (for the camera) Say "Bloody Face." Theresa: Bloody Face. Leo: Teresa! You got to see this penny chair. (They find an old shock treatment room.) Theresa: Oh-ho. Tie my down. I'm sick, Doctor. Can you help me? Leo: I don't know. You seem to have a very bad case of morbid erotica. Leo: Ready for your injection? (They start having s#x on the table.) (They hear a noise.) Theresa: What is that? What is that? Leo: I don't... um... Theresa: What is that? Let's go see. Leo: No, no, no, no... Theresa: Come on. No, come on. Let's go. Leo: You're killing me. Theresa: Promise I'll make it up to you. Leo: No, you swear we're coming back. Promise me we're coming back. Theresa: I promise, I promise. Leo: Okay. Theresa: Maybe it's Bloody Face. Leo: Maybe it's just old pipes. Theresa: You can totally put it in my a#s right now. Leo: Wow. Theresa: Oh, come on. I can't see. (She wants to see through an access panel on a locked door.) Leo: Hey, take it easy. Take it easy. Theresa: What, you scared? P#ssy. Leo: So t#ght. Oh, my God! Theresa: What? What? What?Oh, you are such a prick. You are such a prick. Leo: Speaking of which... Theresa: No, I want to know what's in there. Do it again and I'll bl#w you. Leo: Give me your phone. (Leo sticks his hand through an access panel on a locked door to snap a picture. Something flashes in front of the screen and he screams. When he pulls away from the door, his arm has been ripped off.) -[OPENING CREDITS]- [SCENE_BREAK] (Service station.) Kit (pump attendant): That'll be three dollars even. Driver: 30 cents a gallon. You think because you're out here in the toolies you can gouge people? Kit: I don't set the prices, sir. Driver: Kids get a coloring book? Kit: Yeah, that be Texaco. Driver's wife: Come on, Jack. I just want to go home. Kit: Whoa. Nice. Drive safely. A#shole. (Kit closes up the service station.) (Radio: Do-da-do-do, bow, bow Do-da-do-do, bow, bow Do-do-da-do There goes my baby Moving on down the line Wondering where, wondering where Wondering where she is bound I broke her heart And made her cry Now I belong ) (Kit hears a noise.) Kit: Sign says closed. (Radio : What did I do? There goes my baby Whoa-oh-oh There goes my baby There There goes my baby, oh-oh-oh... ) (He goes to investigate and the lights go out.) Billy: Boo! (Kit sees Billy with a couple other guys.) Kit: Christ, Billy! Trying to get killed? Do you know what I keeps in this cabinet? Billy: Look anything like this? (a gun) Kit: Geez, give me...Give me that. Billy: Oh, oh, oh, oh, Ooh! We just want to borrow it. N#gger try to mess with Randy's little sister. Kit: Are you guys insane? Billy: Come on, Kit. We're just gonna scare him, come with us. Kit: I'm not going with you guys. And neither is the gun. So, just leave. Billy: How much is Al paying you these days? I hear you got yourself a maid. That's what I hear anyway. (Billy takes a bite of a chocolate bar.) Mmm. Chocolate. (They leave, Kit stays alone.) (Kit returns home to his wife, who is black.) Kit: Something smells good, Mrs. Walker. Alma: I'm not to you putting those two words together. But I like it, Mr. Walker. (They kiss.) Both: Aw. Alma: So, how are you? Kit: Good. How are you? Alma: I'm good. (He slips on the wedding ring he hides at home.) Kit: Let's do it, babe. Let's tell everyone. Come on. We didn't commit a crime. We drove to Provincetown and got married. Your family, my folks - they should know. Alma: The world will change one day. Kit: The world is wrong. Alma: We need to keep it a secret. Kit: Baby... it makes me feel like I can't protect my own family. Alma: The roast is just about ready. Kit: That's not what I'm hungry for. (They get in bed.) I can't take... damn it... Oh, babe. Alma: I hope you like your beef tough and dry because that's what I want for dinner tonight. Kit: The first course was delicious. Showing off their silver leaves As we walked by (They kiss.) Both: Mmm. Soft kisses on a summer's day Kit: Where you going? Alma :To make you dinner. Kit: Okay. They say that all good things must end ...someday (Kit sees lights outside.) Kit: sh1t! Alma, you stay in the kitchen no matter what, you hear me? (He goes out with his shotgun to investigate.) Kit: I know you're out here, Billy. Stop playing games. (There's a bright white light in the sky.) Alma: Kit! Kit: Alma! (He runs inside.) Alma: Help me! Help me! Kit: Alma! (The place is trashed.) Kit: Alma, answer me! Where are you? (White light everywhere, along with an ear splitting noise.) Kit: Aah! (Windows shatter, the noise stops for a second, then things start to fly to the ceiling. Suddenly, he's yanked up to the ceiling, too, and the noise returns.) (Kit is probed by little green men.) (Asylum) (Main entrance) Lana: (to the guard)Lana Winters from the Gazette. I'm doing a story on your bakery, and I have an appointment with Sister Jude. (Garden, a mentally and physically handicapped woman approaches Lana with a rose.) Pepper: Play with me! Play with me! (Lana pricked her finger with a thorn.) Lana: Ow! Sister Mary Eunice : Pepper, leave the lady alone. Lana: Oh, it's fine. She was only trying to make friends. It was harmless. Sister Mary Eunice : She's not harmless. She drowned her sister's baby and sliced his ears off. Follow me, miss. (Sister Mary Eunice leads Lana inside the asylum.) Patient : No! No! I don't want to go to bed! Sister Mary Eunice : Sister Jude calls this her "stairway to heaven." Patient : Leave me alone! Sister Mary Eunice : A lady reporter...! (Sister Judes's office. Sister Jude is shaving Shelley's head.) Sister Jude : Told you I would come find you, Sister Mary Eunice. Brush yourself off, Shelley. Shelley : Do you think I'm full of shame and regret for what I've done now, Sister? You could shave me bald as a cue ball, and I'll still be the hottest tamale in this joint. Sister Jude : (to Sister Mary Eunice) Take her to the common room so the others can witness her newfound immaculacy. And next time, knock. (to Lana) Remind me of your name. Lana: Lana. Lana Winters. Can I ask what Shelley did? I assume you were punishing her for something. Sister Jude : I assumed you were here to do a story on our bakery. Lana: Oh, believe me, no one loves that molasses bread more than I do. I toast it for my breakfast every single morning. Sister Jude : Shelley was brought to us having been given the preposterous diagnosis by a psychiatrist comparing her to a wood nymph. Lana: You mean a nymphomaniac? Sister Jude : Just more nonsense from the charlatans. That young woman is a victim of her own lust. There's no other name for it. Mental illness is the fashionable explanation for sin. You said your name's Lana? After the movie star? Now there's a train wreck of a soul. Jennifer Jones, however, there's a true lady. You've seen Song of Bernadette? Lana: Oh, it's a classic. Sister Jude : Yeah. Lana: But at Briarcliff, I hear you're the true star. Sister Jude : Oh, no, not me. The monsignor, Timothy Howard. He's the real visionary. Sit down. You make me nervous. You know what this place was just two years ago? A hellhole! Lana: And I'm told the bakery was your idea. Sister Jude : It was, but it was based on his philosophy. Well, write it down. He believes the tonic for a diseased mind lies in the three "P"s: productivity, prayer, and purification. The bakery's just the tip of the iceberg. Oh, we have such dreams for this place. Lana: Are all your patients remanded here by the state? Sister Jude : Not all. The monsignor's a man of charity. You know where most of our wards come from? The ghetto. (Sister Mary Eunice enters.) Sister Mary Eunice : They said to tell you that the... Oh, I didn't knock. I'm sorry, Sister. Sister Jude : You were sent to tell me what? Sister Mary Eunice : Sent to tell you... Sister Jude : What? Sister Mary Eunice : (whispering)The bad person will arrive any minute. Sister Jude : Thank you, Sister. Well, are we ready for our bakery tour? Lana: She's talking about the maniac, the killer of those women, isn't she? Bloody Face. Sister Jude : Bloody Face? Lana: An eyewitness caught a glimpse of him leaving one of the crime scenes wearing a mask, which appeared to be made of human flesh. I heard he's going to be admitted here today. Is there any way I can meet him? Sister Jude : You're not in the least bit interested in our good works. Lana: Our town's in a collective panic. This maniac is decapitating women, three of them so far. Sister Jude : I see you for exactly who you are. Lana: Three minutes. Give me three minutes with him, and I swear to God I will write an amazing... Sister Jude : Swear to God?! It's rich coming from you. Lana: People want to understand what's in the mind of someone like him. Sister Jude : There's not a pious bone in your body. Lana: Where's the harm in that? Sister Jude : You're out of your depth, Miss Lana Banana. You want a story? Write this down. Your killer is being turned over to us by the authorities until it is determined whether he is fit to stand trial. (The asylum watches as Bloody Face is brought in: it's Kit Walker.) (Kit is stripped, showered, de-liced and strapped to a bed.) Sister Jude : It's an ordeal, I know - our check-in procedures. Though, not a patch on what you put your victims through. Kit: Sister, I didn't kill anybody. Sister Jude : The guards have given you over to my care. Not for correction, but for storage while they weigh your fate. This is not a meat locker. Here, you will repent for your crimes to the only judge that matters: the Almighty God. Kit: There is no God. Not a God who would create the things I saw. Sister Jude : Your story about little green men? No, never will do here. Kit: They weren't human. They were monsters. Sister Jude : All monsters are human. You're a monster. I wonder... did her dark meat slide off the bone any easier than your other victims? (He spits in her face.) You're gonna wish you hadn't done that. (She beats him.) (Kit walks out into the common area, with welts all over his back and legs.) Dominique-nique-nique s'en allait tout simplement Routier, pauvre et chantant En tous chemins, en tous lieux, Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu Patient : Ass munch! Shelley : Ooh, Sister Jude is on the warpath! Kit: Hey, stop it! Shelley : Can't make the welts go away, but I can make you forget you had 'em. Kit: The nurse already gave me a salve. Shelley : A salve can't cure you like I can... in your session in the hydrotherapy room with me. I speak French... and Greek. Kit: Will you beat it?! Shelley : He's mine. He's mine! Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu Certains jours un h r tique, Par des ronces le conduit Mais notre p re Dominique Par sa joie le convertit Kit: I can't take this. S'en allait tout simplement... French patient : Don't touch that. (to touch the record player) Any one of them will sell you out. They get a piece of candy, you get another five welts on your ass. It's a rule. As long as the common room is open, the song plays. There's a rule for everything here. I learned them all the hard way, trust me. Kit: Why should I trust you? French patient : Because I'm not crazy. Patient : Hey, Bloody Face, you're him, right? You must be the most dangerous man here. I heard you skinned them alive. The last one, a colored girl. I guess you didn't like her color. (He punches Kit.) Patients : Fight, fight, fight! French patient : Get off of him! Patients : Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight! (Kit fights him off and is beating him when Sister Jude comes in and breaks things up by blowing her shrill whistle.) Kit: He started it. Dominique-nique-nique s'en allait tout simplement Kit: No. No! (In his cell in a straight jacket, Kit thinks of his wife. The French woman brings him food and a cigarette.) French patient : Psst! Hey, you gotta eat. Kit: How'd you get back here? French patient : Kitchen detail. I volunteered. Here. Kit: Why are you being so nice to me? French patient : What you put out into the world comes back to you. Kit: So what'd you put out into the world to get locked up in a place like this? French patient :They say I chopped up my family. You gonna ask? Kit: Did you? French patient : No. Did you murder your wife? Kit: No, I'm not crazy. French patient : That's unfortunate. They decide you're sane, you're going someplace way worse than this. Kit: What could be worse than this? French patient : You think it's bad not having a chair? Just think of the one they'll strap you into. (They hear a noise.) I'll try to come back later. Kit: Hey! What's your name? French patient : Grace. (In another room. Sister Mary Eunice cries.) Sister Mary Eunice : He's gone. Willie's gone. There was a medical emergency last night. I didn't even know he was sick. Sister Jude : Why wasn't I informed? Sister Mary Eunice : Dr. Arden asked to have him taken directly t-to his wing. (Sister Jude confronts Dr Arden.) Sister Jude : I demand you give me access to your laboratory. Dr. Arden : When the monsignor brought me out of retirement to run Briarcliff's medical unit, we made a gentlemen's agreement. Sister Jude : Curious, since only one of you is a gentleman. Please look at me when I speak to you. Dr. Arden : I'm not one of your charges, Sister, quaking in my boots. Do you have any idea what this is? Sister Jude : It's a plant. A little Elena. Dr. Arden : This particular strain of Alstroemeria has never existed before. It was created by bombarding the plant with gamma rays. It is an affirmation of the power of science over nature. Sister Jude : Your little mutation doesn't change the fact that in order for this institution to thrive, I need to manage your operation. Dr. Arden : Sister... if you could manage to stay out of my business, I'll try and stay out of yours. Sister Jude : Let's discuss another matter : the patients, four of them, including Willie last night, have disappeared under your supervision. Dr. Arden : They died. Sister Jude : That's it? Period? No explanation. Dr. Arden : Patients committed here suffer not only diseases of the mind, but also of the body. Sister Jude : Where are the bodies? (We see a brief flash of someone ravenously eating a plate of food.) Dr. Arden : Cremated. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Cause of death documented in their death certificates. Sister Jude : I find it interesting that of all the patients that died since you've been here, none have family. No one to grieve or to ask questions. I think you're lying. And in time, whatever it is you're hiding will come to see the light of day. I've dealt with bigger monsters than you, Doctor. Let me give you fair warning: I'll always win against the patriarchal male. Dr. Arden : Bully for you. (Lana's home) Lana: I am telling you, Wendy, that battle-axe has secrets. Under all that piousness and fidelity... there's a real darkness. Getting high before dinner? Wendy : Friends Makes your food taste better. If your gut says there's a story, then there is. Blow the lid off the place like Maisel did with "Bedlam 1946." Get yourself a Pulitzer. Problem is... your editor won't let you do it. Lana: Emmerman's an a#shole. He thinks that Canada geese leaving Chicopee a month early is a Column "A" story, and he wants me to write the cooking column. Wendy : Your cooking is horrible. Lana: Why do you think I never eat it? I'm not doing this for Emmerman. I write it on my own, and I get it out to Life or Look. This is my shot. Wendy : I know, baby, and I am behind you 100%. If you need to take some time off to get this story done, I want you to do it. (Wendy avoids Lana who wants to kiss her.) Wendy: The blinds are open. Lana: No one can see. The pot's making you paranoid. Wendy : You think the PTA is going to be cool if they find out a dyke is teaching little Bobby and Suzie science? I mean, I have to fight to get evolution on the curriculum. Lana: You're right. I'm sorry. (They kiss.) Anything I do in my life, I can do because you love me. Wendy : I know, baby. So how are you gonna get in? (Asylum) (Sister Jude prepares a special dinner of coq au vin.) Sister Jude : Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. (She puts on a lacy red slip and perfume under her habit to dine with Monsignor Timothy Howard.) Mgr Howard : You are a rara avis, Sister Jude. Sister Jude : What does that mean? Mgr Howard : It means "rare bird." In Latin. Sister Jude : And it's a compliment or a criticism? Mgr Howard : It's a compliment. Most women of the cloth feel they have to deny all sensory life when they take their vows. Sister Jude : No. (She doesn't want wine.) I've renounced spirits. Mgr Howard : Are you sure? Your cooking reveals an almost decadent palate. Sister Jude : "Decadent." Is that a subtle reprimand, Father? Mgr Howard : Oh, you know me better than that. I always say what I mean. I'd appreciate the same from you. Sister Jude : As usual, you've seen right through me, Father. When you put me in charge here, I thought your faith in me was based on our mutually shared vision of madness as a spiritual crisis, an absence of God. Mgr Howard : That remains true. Sister Jude : I want to know where you found... Dr. Arden. He is not a man of God. Mgr Howard : The Church approved him. He was sent here by people better equipped to judge his godliness than you. Sister Jude : Say what you will, your rare bird has a nose for rodents. Mgr Howard : You mustn't be so fearful. It was God, after all, who created both science and Heaven. God put the idea in a doctor's head to create the antibiotic that cured tuberculosis. These are amazing times, if you just look at it in another light. Sister Jude : There is no other light. Mgr Howard : We're literally almost on the moon. Our dear departed John F. Kennedy, a Catholic, was elected President. This is a time when anything can happen, if someone wants it enough. Sister Jude : But what on earth do we want, if not to save souls? Mgr Howard : Here's... what I want. I want this institution to become a place of such promise and renown that we are asked to be Cardinal of New York. Sister Jude : "We?" Mgr Howard : Wherever I go, you go. You're my right hand. You'll become Mother Superior, overseeing thousands of nuns who will address you as "Reverend Mother." And then, with God and you on my side... I see no reason why I couldn't ascend to the office of first Anglo-American Pope. You'd enjoy Rome. Wouldn't you, Sister? (She imagines stripping down to her lacy underthings and climbing on top of him.) Mgr Howard : I need you to be a team player. The doctor needs full oversight of his domain. You... look after yours. (Dr. Arden's lab) Sister Mary Eunice : Can you hear them? They sound like they're getting hungrier. Dr. Arden : It's to be expected. The weather's changing. They'll need some meat. Sister Mary Eunice : What are they? Dr. Arden : Do you trust me? (She nods.)Good. (Sister Mary Eunice heads outside with buckets and leaves them in the woods. She runs into Lana.) Lana: You're always in such a hurry, Sister. Why are you out so late at night? Sister Mary Eunice : Oh, please don't tell Sister Jude. Lana: What is that? Some kind of animal? Sister Mary Eunice : We can't stay here. We have to go. Ugh... (Dr Arden visits Kit in his cell.) Kit: Grace? Ah! Dr. Arden : All right, son. You shouldn't be locked in here. Not when there's so much to do. (Arden injects him with something.) (Back in the present) (Theresa puts a tourniquet on Leo's arm.) Leo : Am I bleeding out? Theresa : We got to get you back into town. It's only five miles away. Leo! Leo? Don't fall asleep. Come on, baby. Can you make it to the car? (She tries to drag him to the car.) Come on... Oh! Where's your phone? Is that in your car? Leo! Okay, I'll be right back. (She runs to get his phone from the car, but finds every way out of the asylum is barred or locked.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Asylum) (Sister Mary Eunice leads Lana through her tunnel shortcut in the woods.) Sister Mary Eunice :This way. Hurry. Lana: What is this place? Sister Mary Eunice :It's my shortcut from the woods. Lana: What were you feeding out there? I guess I'll have to ask Sister Jude. Sister Mary Eunice :Why? Why would you do that? Lana: She scares you, doesn't she? She scares you to death. You let me look around for five minutes, and I won't tell Sister Horrible about your nighttime forays. Or your secret tunnel. (Dr. Arden wheels Kit into one of his therapy rooms.) Dr. Arden : Hello, Mr. Walker. I'm Dr. Arthur Arden. I run this institution. Kit: I thought Sister Jude ran this place. Dr. Arden : So does she. (Sister Jude patrols the hall.) (Sister Mary Eunice lets Lana look around.) Sister Mary Eunice :Five minutes, and then you leave. Lana: Scout's honor. Where are you keeping Bloody Face? Is he in here? (Therapy room.) Dr. Arden : There was a time when a fanatic like Sister Jude could have had me thrown in prison for my ideas, tortured. Maybe even castrated like Brother Abelard. These are not the Middle Ages, no matter how tightly the good sister and her brood try to hold on to their fairy tale. No. This is my time now. The time of science. (Lana and Sister Mary Eunice walk through the men's ward.) Sister Mary Eunice :Miss, please. Not in here. This is the men's ward. Mr. Spivey : What's this? Two little chicks, looking for a place to roost? Sister Mary Eunice : Back to bed, Mr. Spivey. You shouldn't be up. Mr. Spivey : Oh, I'm up. I made a mess, Sister. You want to see it? (One flicks feces on Sister Mary Eunice) Sister Mary Eunice : I'll be right back, miss. Please don't go anywhere. (She runs off, leaving Lana alone.) Mr. Spivey : I got more for you, lady. (Therapy room.) Dr. Arden : I hope you don't mind if I don't use anesthetic. It interferes with my readings. (Men's ward.) Patient : Hey, lady! (Lana continues to explore and runs into a male orderly being serviced by Shelley.) Employee : You're not supposed to be in here. Lana: I guess you better report me then. Unless nobody saw anything. (to Shelley) I'm sorry about your hair. Is this where they're keeping the maniac? Shelley : Which one? Lana: Kit Walker. Shelley : No, he misbehaved. They took him to solitary. He'll have to play with himself for a while. Lana: Solitary? Where's that? (They hear noise.) (Lana hides in an empty cell when Sister Jude comes to inspect.) Sister Jude : Alfred, get your hands out of your pants. (Therapy room.) Kit: Why are you doing this to me? Dr Arden : The devil doesn't reside in hell, Mr. Walker. He lives right here in the frontal gyrus. The occipital lobes. Inside those beautiful brains lies the secret to understanding the darkness of the human psyche. And ten of them put together are not as dark as what resides right here, in this cute, blonde melon. (Lana continues to explore.) (Therapy room. Dr Arden hooks Kit up to his machine and recites from the police report.) Dr Arden : "Victim was found naked. Preliminary findings indicate that the skinning occurred while the victim was still breathing." (Kit remembers being probed by little green men and sees his wife.) Alma: Kit! Kit: Alma! Alma: Help me! Kit: Alma! Dr Arden : You sliced her from the feet up. What did you do with the skin? I'm not here to pass judgment, Mr. Walker. I'm merely interested in methodology. Hello. What's this? (He finds a bulge in Kit's neck and slices it open.) Way too hard to be a tumor. (Dr Arden pulls out a microchip that immediately sprouts legs and crawls off.) (Lana looks into a cell in solitary.) Lana: Mr. Walker? Mr. Walker? (She is grabbed by a large arm.) (Later, Sister Jude chews out Sister Mary Eunice.) Sister Jude : You've put everything at risk. Everything. Our reputation, the life's work of our great monsignor, all his future dreams. Sister Mary Eunice : I used bad judgment, Sister. Sister Jude : Bad judgment? Like eating too much cake? Is that what you mean, Sister? Sister Mary Eunice : Miss Winters got me very confused. Sister Jude : Maybe the sin is mine; maybe my faith in you was nothing but the sin of pride. Sister Mary Eunice : No, you're not a sinner, Sister. Sister Jude : I favored you. I coddled you. I refused to see what others saw. When they said you were stupid, I said no, simply, you were more pure than the others. Sister Mary Eunice : It's not big enough, Sister. (She grabs a larger cane from the closet.) Punish me, Sister, please. I'm so weak and stupid, Sister. Stupid dummy. Sister Jude : Stand up and get out. I don't have time for this. Sister Mary Eunice : Too good to me, Sister. Sister Jude : If I ever hear you call yourself stupid again, I'll cane you bloody. (Lana wakes up strapped to a bed in a head brace with Sister Jude standing over her.) Sister Jude : You're awake. I'm so relieved. Lana: What's going on? Sister Jude : You had an accident. Lane Something attacked me. Sister Jude : You writers, with your very fertile imagination. You took a tumble. Lana: Get me out of this thing. Sister Jude : No, no. You mustn't move. You've got a long recovery ahead of you. Lana: You can't keep me here. Sister Jude : No? Lana: There are people who will come looking for me. Sister Jude : Do you think so? (Lana's home.) (Sister Jude meets with Lana's girlfriend.) Wendy : You said she was hurt? Sister Jude : While trespassing. You and Miss Winters have a charming home here, Miss Paisa, very cozy. Wendy: I need to see her. Sister Jude : But surely, you're not her family? Wendy: Lana's parents don't speak to her anymore. I-I'm practically family. We're very close. Sister Jude : Are you now? Wendy : Like sisters. Sister Jude : But point in fact, you're not sisters, are you, Miss Paisa? I mean, you have no legal standing. Wendy : I have a moral standing. Sister Jude : Moral? There's an interesting word. You're a... spinster, schoolteacher, I take it? Wendy : I teach the third grade. Sister Jude : Oh, I admire that. The molding of young minds is a sacred charge. You would never intentionally do anything to put these precious youngsters at risk? Wendy : Of course not. Sister Jude : So when you agreed to room with Miss Winters, you couldn't possibly have been aware of her... inversion? Wendy: Inversion? Sister Jude : I mean, you would never intentionally expose these little angels to a h#mosexual, would you? (Asylum. Lana's room.) Sister Jude : We both know what that so-called monster in the closet really is, don't we, Miss Winters? That's why you've come. Because something in you knew that you needed help. (Lana's home.) Wendy : Are you threatening me, Sister? Sister Jude : It is I who have been threatened, young woman. Your friend gained access to my facility under false pretenses. She had no interest in our bakery. She wanted an inside look into a mental ward, and I intend to see that she gets it. Wendy : You can't do this. Sister Jude : Oh, yes, I can. I can do it either by exposing the shenanigans that took place in this love nest, or I can do it discreetly. She will, of course, receive the finest of care. Wendy: I have no legal standing. Sister Jude : You are a respected member of this community, at least for now. Your sworn statement along with our professional diagnosis is more than enough for a friendly judge to remand Miss Winters into my custody. It's a small town. A scandal will work just as well. You'll be ruined. You'll never step into a classroom again. Wendy: Wait! Wait! (Terrified, Wendy signs it.) (Asylum.) (Lana's room.) Sister Jude : We're gonna slay that monster together-- you and I. Morning devotionals are at 6:00 a.m. sharp. No exceptions. Lana: No! Let me out of here! Come back here, you bitch! Sister Jude : Chin up. We're gonna get you cured. Lana: Help me! (Sister Jude closes the door.) Sister Jude : (to Sister Mary Eunice) Did you manage it? Sister Mary Eunice : Yes, Sister Jude. (Sister Mary Eunice takes the keys to the men's ward.) Lana: Help me! Sister Mary Eunice : Though shalt not steal. Sister Jude :Well, hopefully, that's the only commandment you had to break in order to get these. Lana: Come back here! (Sister Jude finds Dr Arden cleaning a room with disinfectant.) Dr Arden : Ah, Sister Jude. Come to lend a hand? Sister Jude :What's going on in here? Dr Arden : Just a little spring cleaning. Sister Jude :That odor-- what is it? Dr Arden : Disinfectant. Standard sanitary procedure. Cleanliness is, after all, next to godliness. Sister Jude :Something's been living in here. Dr Arden : That's absurd. This room has been closed up for years. I'm in need of some extra storage space. I think this will do quite nicely. Sister Jude :Don't think you can pull one over on me, Doctor. I'll ferret it out. Whatever it is you're up to. Dr Arden : A ferret. Delightful creature. I used to keep one as a pet. Until it bit me, and I broke its neck. You brought me my keys? Thank you. Sister Jude : You may think my mind is closed, Doctor, but my eyes are wide open, I promise you. You hear me? (Today. Leo slowly bleeds out on the asylum floor as Theresa continues to look for a way out. She turns a corner and runs into Bloody Face, bulging eyes, torn skin, holding an ice pick. ) -[End]-

In present day, a newlywed couple, Teresa and Leo, explore the now-abandoned Briarcliff Manor, a former insane asylum in rural Massachusetts. Flashback to 1964 when Kit Walker is being committed there, accused of being infamous serial killer "Bloody Face". Kit protests his innocence and flashes of his scattered memory suggest something far more sinister responsible. At Briarcliff, Kit befriends Grace, a fellow inmate believed to have murdered her family. Journalist Lana Winters trespasses onto Briarcliff, intent on exposing its mistreatment of inmates, so she can gain a better career for her and for her lover Wendy Peyser, a teacher. She is confronted by the tyrannical Sister Jude, who has her committed to the asylum because of her homosexuality . A bitter rivalry is ignited between Sister Jude and Dr. Arthur Arden.

fd_NCIS_02x06

fd_NCIS_02x06_0

EXT. MARKET PARKING LOT - DAY SARA: Micki! SHIELDS: Hey, Sara! How are you? SARA: Good. How are you? SHIELDS: I missed you at the Parents' Pot Luck. SARA: Oh, Becca had a dance recital. Your turn for snack? SHIELDS: My turn for snack. Can you believe this? If they would concentrate a little less on snacking and a little more on the game, we wouldn't be oh and four. But... SARA: Oh, your cart. Isn't that your S.U.V? SHIELDS: Well, what's another ding. See you at practice. (F/X: CART ROLLS INTO THE SUV) (SFX: HUGE EXPLOSION) (FADE TO BLACK) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/ SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. MARKET PARKING LOT - DAY (SFX: POLICE SIREN B.G.) (SFX: VAN BRAKES TO A SUDDEN STOP) REYES: Hey, where the hell are you going? (BEAT) Gibbs. Oh you must be Gibbs. Fornell's mentioned you. GIBBS: Did he? REYES: Mm-hmm. Agent Lina Reyes, FBI. GIBBS: Your driver has a lead foot. REYES: Well, we tend to hurry when we suspect terrorism. GIBBS: Well, so do we when the target's a Naval aviator, Agent Reyes. REYES: A Lieutenant Commander Micki Shields. She bombed civilians in Afghanistan. GIBBS: Accidentally. Article Thirty Two hearing cleared her of all charges. REYES: Yeah, by us. Not the psycho's overseas issuing Jihadist threats against her and her family. Have you spoken to your director? GIBBS: I did. REYES: Good, then we're clear. FBI handles the investigation, NCIS protects the intended target. GIBBS: We want copies of everything you find. Kate, check with Commander Shields. Track down the rest of her family. KATE: On it. GIBBS: DiNozzo, secure her home. I want a full surveillance perimeter. McGee, coordinate all feeds with MTAC. MCGEE: All right, boss. TONY: Oh, sounds like we're going to need the infra-red scope on this one, McGee. MCGEE: The one that can see through walls at night? TONY: It's better than Pay-TV and the best part, it's free. KATE: And that's the reason why, Tony. TONY: Why what, Kate? KATE: You'll never get my home address. SHIELDS: (INTO PHONE) I'm okay, Jen. I promise you. Look, see? I got worse scrapes in ejection seat training. Honestly honey, I'm fine. I've got to go. I'll see you soon. I'm going to make you Cha Cha Chicken for dinner, okay? Okay. (TO KATE) NCIS. So I take it this wasn't an accident? KATE: We're not jumping to any conclusions, but considering all the recent threats... (FLASHBACK EFFECTS) SHIELDS: I thought I left that war behind me. My kids could have been in that car! One mistake, one horrible mistake. KATE: I read the report. What happened in Afghanistan wasn't your fault. SHIELDS: Well, right or wrong, it's still something I have to live with. And fog of war just doesn't cut it when you're looking at ten dead civilians. DAVID: Micki! SHIELDS: Oh, honey. DAVID: Oh, my god. Are you okay? SHIELDS: Yeah I'm fine, sweetheart. DAVID: Thank god. Did you ever think you'd be happy you ran into Sara Turcott in a parking lot? So ... so do we know who did this? KATE: Not yet, Mister Shields. DAVID: Okay, so what? They could try it again? KATE: Well, if they do we'll stop them. NCIS will be providing protection for your family. SHIELDS: Too bad you weren't around to save Libby. DAVID: Are you kidding? Libby? SHIELDS: Yeah. KATE: Who's Libby? SHIELDS: Oh, our dog, Agent Todd. A nasty little thing, but the kids loved her. GIBBS: I'll need copies of the surveillance tapes from the security camera. REYES: You'll get them. GIBBS: Today. REYES: I'll see what I can do. GIBBS: Do you know what terminal leave is, Agent Reyes? REYES: Nope. GIBBS: It's what Commander Shields is on. In four days she'll be a civilian, which means I won't be around to protect her. That's how long you have to solve this case. REYES: You're giving me a deadline? GIBBS: Don't screw up. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY GIBBS: I see something. ABBY: You see speckling, Gibbs. GIBBS: (V.O.) No, I see a guy planting a bomb under her S.U.V. ABBY: Do you know how many times this has been taped over? The VCR heads have scraped it down to the plastic. And let's not forget - taken through a lens that's caked with years of bird droppings. GIBBS: I think you can make a positive I.D. ABBY: I'll try Start Witness. GIBBS: What's that? ABBY: It's an enhancement program. We do a little homomorphic filtering...a little de-interlacing... algorithmic enhancement ...unsharp masking. GIBBS: Yeah, you're getting somewhere now. ABBY: I am, Gibbs. Straight into a brick wall. Whoever it is, he's blocked by the vehicle. GIBBS: The reflection. ABBY: What reflection? GIBBS: Abs, look at the finish of the car next to it. ABBY: You're serious. GIBBS: Abs, look at the door panel. Dark and shiny. You can see your reflection. ABBY: A reflection of whoever planted the bomb. Gibbs... you're hired! GIBBS: (V.O.) Oh, when you walked into a room... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: I bet must've turned heads just back from the salon with your hair all done up. JIMMY: Doctor, I'm looking at a blood type they sent over. It doesn't match Lieutenant Commander Shields. DUCKY: Is that so? JIMMY: Yeah. They said the only one injured in the explosion was Shields. DUCKY: They did indeed. JIMMY: There's someone unaccounted for. DUCKY: Mister Palmer, what I'm about to show you may force you to reevaluate your theory. JIMMY: French fried poodle. DUCKY: The family pet. Who was, tragically, inside the car. I can just see those FBI forensic weasels sitting around laughing, picturing what I'm going to look like performing a forensic autopsy on this poor creature. JIMMY: What are you going to do? DUCKY: Oh, let them laugh. Alexander The Great had a dog. A Mastiff named Peritas. Yeah, nobody laughed about her. When she died, he led the funeral procession. He built monuments to her. Ordered yearly celebrations in her memory. JIMMY: When I was a kid, I used to bury our pets under our porch until my mom found out. She was pretty upset. DUCKY: They didn't want you to bury your pets? JIMMY: No, we lived on the tenth floor of an apartment building. DUCKY: Right. Ah. JIMMY: What is it, Doctor? DUCKY: You see that? I'm going to take a look. Open this up. Here we go. Get that up to Abby. Oh, you poor thing. This would never have happened to Peritas. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY GIBBS: I would like for everyone to go about their normal lives as much as possible. McGee? TONY: McGee, systems check. Hey! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY MCGEE: MCGEE: MCGEE: Okay, camera one is up. Camera Two and Three, give me infrared full spectrum sweep. (V.O.) Camera Three. Okay, punch up camera four. (V.O.) Camera Four okay to go. All right. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) We're up and operational, Tony. TONY: Boss. GIBBS: We will try to keep a low profile, but we need your cooperation. If you see anything suspicious, you tell us. JEN: I don't believe this. Can I sleep at Amy's house? GIBBS: Not a good idea. KATE: We'll need advance notice to clear it. (JEN WALKS O.S.) DAVID: It's all been kind of stressful. WILLY: I'm outta here. It's an expression. Bed. TONY: Hey listen, uh... you and me... we're kind of, you know, going to be hanging. WILLY: You are kidding. TONY: It's going to be great. WILLY: It already sucks. MCGEE: Hey yeah. Uh... I remember how I felt when my dog died, Willy. WILLY: Bite me. SHIELDS: Well, I guess we'll turn in, too. It's been kind of stressful. KATE: (OVERLAP) Stressful. SHIELDS: Good night. DAVID: Good night. (KATE AND SHIELDS WALK O.S.) KATE: I'll take the front door. TONY: Then I demand to take the rear. KATE: Tony? TONY: Yes, Kate, dear. KATE: There's only one bathroom downstairs. TONY: And your point is? KATE: The seat stays down! TONY: Unless it's up. (SFX: PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS/ GIBBS AND ABBY) (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) The item that Ducky retrieved from the dog? I put it through X-ray chromatography. There's traces of C-four. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: It was a bomb. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah. Also... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE)...the presence of mercury. Used as a vibration trigger. It's the exact... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) ...Same chemical signature as the bomb that... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) ...killed that Naval attach in Morocco last month. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) ...You're dealing with... GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) An Al Qaeda assassination team. (FADE OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - DAY KATE: (V.O. SINGS) Sexy as I want to be... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BATHROOM - DAY (SFX: SHOWER B.G.) KATE: (SINGS/V.O.) Got these fellas chasing me. Let's go with this freak show. Outrageous. When I move my body. Outrageous. When I'm at a party Outrageous. TONY: (OVERLAP) Outrageous. KATE: Tony! Out of here! Now! TONY: What? I'm just brushing my teeth. Oh hey, don't use up all the hot water. 'Cause you've been in there forever. KATE: (V.O.) Tony, now long have you been in here? TONY: Long enough to know you can't sing and you haven't shaved your legs in a week. (LAUGHS) Outrageous. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. NCIS HEADQUARTERS - DAY REYES: (V.O.) The bomb was C-four. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY REYES: Mercury detonator shake charge. We ran the identifying taggants on it and it turns out that it.... GIBBS: Stolen from a military base in Kuwait. REYES: And how do you know that? GIBBS: A French poodle told me. REYES: It's linked to Al Qaeda units overseas. We've identified three individuals in the country who may have links to their cells. Do you know how to use this? GIBBS: Sure. REYES: You have no idea what that is, do you? GIBBS: Not really. REYES: Didn't figure you for a tech type, Gibbs. Kahlid Hassan. Suspected in planning three bombings in North Africa. He was spotted by a Virginia traffic control camera in D.C. last week. Roland Al-- GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Roland Alan Moore. Former Petty Officer. Medically discharged when he lost two fingers in an engine room accident. Put in jail for bombing a recruiting office. REYES: Converted to Islam in prison. GIBBS: And escaped a work detail three months ago. REYES: Well, our computer geeks suspect that he's one of the people posting threats to Commander Shields on the Islamic website. Fernando Petroya. He owns five ice cream parlors in Montgomery and Charles County. We believe they are money laundering funds for Al Qaeda linked to the Philippines. GIBBS: What's his connection to Commander Shields? REYES: Well, he was sighted in the vicinity of the bombing ten days ago. I mean, it could just be a coincidence. GIBBS: Okay, bring him in for questioning. REYES: I can't do that. If I do it'll tip him off we're on to him. And we are hoping that he will lead us to some of his contacts in the states. GIBBS: While you are hoping I have a Navy family living in fear they'll be executed on their way to the mall. REYES: If we bring him in, all we're going to get is his name and some B.S. cover story GIBBS: Not if you put him in a room with me. REYES: It's not going to happen. (BEAT) Sorry. GIBBS: Hey, don't forget your thingymagiggy. REYES: Hold on. It needs to be dis....connected first. You did that on purpose. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY LYLE: I don't believe this! I bought tickets! It's Green Day! JEN: You're acting like it's my fault. LYLE: Just tell me, are you going to go with me or not? Yes or no? What's it going to be, Jen? JEN: Lyle, don't. LYLE: Half the school is not here today. KATE: Is that so? LYLE: Because of you. (SFX: SCHOOL BELL RINGS) JEN: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY KATE: Twenty four, fourteen, two. No. Twenty two, fourteen, twenty. No. (DOOR OPENS) KATE: Where are you going? JEN: Bathroom. What, do you want to watch me pee, Special Agent Todd? MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. BATHROOM - DAY KATE: You had to go really bad, huh? JEN: My parents told me you had to follow me around. Doesn't mean that I have to talk to you. KATE: Do your parents know that you smoke? JEN: No. Are you going to tell them? KATE: Mmm, not if you promise to quit. JEN: Whatever. KATE: You know, you should be flattered. I used to protect the President. JEN: Of what? KATE: The United States. JEN: Really? And now you're protecting me. KATE: And your whole family. JEN: What a waste. Might be four people, but it's not a family. It hasn't been in a long time. (SFX: SCHOOL BELL RINGS) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SOCCER FIELD - DAY WILLY: Ever shot anybody? TONY: Not this week. WILLY: Are you strapping? Oh, a Sig! Dude's got a Sig. TONY: Dude's got a Sig. WILLY: Want to help me warm up? TONY: Yeah. What do you want me to do? WILLY: Just stand there and don't move. TONY: Okay, I think I can do that. All right. Don't move. I'm good at that. (WILLY KICKS THE BALL AT TONY) WILLY: Goal! Hey, touch me and it's child abuse. (PARENTS GATHER ON THE SIDELINE) WILLY: Shoot it! Shoot it! GREG: It's just plain stupid. DAVID: Okay, here we go. GRETA: He's getting better. GREG: It doesn't matter how good he is if he can't reach the damn ball. Why does Coach keep playing him? SHIELDS: Because he's the coaches kid. I agree with you. We need a new keeper. DAVID: Honey, they're kids, okay? You know, it's supposed to be fun. SHIELDS: Winning is fun, honey. Trust me. GRETA: Well, it isn't everything, Micki. GREG: Well, it should be. DAVID: Come on, Greta. Let's go set up the snack while our spouses pretend they're watching the Olympics. TONY: I want double overtime for this, boss. That kid's a nightmare. GIBBS: He reminds me of you. (WILLY KICKS THE BALL) TONY: Oh! No goal! No goal! Sorry about that! (BEAT) Sorry. Sorry. (TO GIBBS) What's up? GIBBS: I don't know. Something doesn't feel right. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. DEN - NIGHT (SFX: VIDEO GAME B.G.) (SFX: VIDEO GUNSHOTS) WILLY: He's good. TONY: I told you I knew someone who could beat you. (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (V.O.) I'm not sure about this, DiNozzo. (SCENE CUT) TONY: Keep the faith, McGee, you're winning. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: Playing "Unreal Tournament" in the Multiple Threat Assessment Center is not what they had in mind when... (SCENE CUT) TONY: Focus, Probie! Oh! (SFX: VIDEO GUNSHOTS) (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: If Gibbs sees me playing this... GIBBS: Hey, McGee! MCGEE: Yeah, boss? GIBBS: Status report. (SCENE CUT) WILLY: (SHOUTS) Yes! (LAUGHS) Whoo! TONY: McGee!(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC ROOM - NIGHT MCGEE: Girl is in her room. The parents are in the kitchen with Kate. And um... I guess you know where the boy is. GIBBS: Yeah. MCGEE: It won't happen again. GIBBS: I know. (DOOR CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. DEN - NIGHT KATE: Twenty two. Twenty two, fourteen, twenty two! TONY: Women, Willy. Can't live with them... can't think of a reason why you'd want to. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - NIGHT GIBBS: What have you got for me, Abs? ABBY: You've got mail from the FBI! I think that agent has the hots for you. Okay, you're right. She's really not your type. She sent me highly encrypted "J-Pegs." Public key's got sixty four numbers. It took me longer to input the password than it took the program to decrypt the cipher text. Um... machine making pretty pictures now. (SFX: PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah. Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) REYES: (INTO PHONE) You got the stills? GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah. REYES: (INTO PHONE) We took them off the ice cream man's computer, Fernando Petroya. (SCENE CUT) REYES: (V.O./FILTERED) We extracted his hard drive, cloned it and returned it. (INTO PHONE) And he doesn't even know. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) He had Commander Shields under surveillance. REYES: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I want him brought in. (SCENE CUT) REYES: (INTO PHONE) Look, I told you I can't. Not yet. We need his whole cell. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) We are running out of time here, Agent Reyes. REYES: (V.O./FILTERED) Look, you got-- (SCENE CUT) REYES: (INTO PHONE) ...Your people on the family. They'll be fine. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) For a few more days. REYES: (V.O./FILTERED) Don't worry. (SCENE CUT) REYES: (INTO PHONE) After that the FBI will pick up protection. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Boss, I need you up here.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY MCGEE: Someone in the backyard. Kate and Tony are intercepting. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY AND KATE MOVE TOWARD THE HOUSE) (SFX: THUMP NOISE) (FADE OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. HOUSE - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ TONY AND KATE MOVE QUICKLY UPSTAIRS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (DOOR OPENS) (SFX: JEN SCREAMS) JEN: No! No, wait! It's...! TONY: Freeze! (DOOR OPENS) JEN: Don't shoot him! KATE: Jen, get out! Get out! JEN: Don't! KATE: Jen, go now! LYLE: I'm sorry! Please don't kill me! KATE: Stand down, Tony. It's her boyfriend. TONY: You're not real bright, kid. You're lucky you don't have two holes in that face of yours. SHIELDS: Boyfriend?! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY KATE: (ON MONITOR) Gibbs, Kate. False alarm. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) One of the kids? KATE: (ON MONITOR) Daughter's boyfriend. Probably not the first time he snuck in, but I guarantee it's the last. Mom packs a Glock. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Where is Romeo now? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY KATE: (INTO PHONE) On his way home to change his pants. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY KATE: (ON MONITOR) And Juliet is getting her butt reamed by the Capulets. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Roger that. Standing down. Keep us informed. KATE: (ON MONITOR) You got it.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT KATE: What are you doing? TONY: Listening. KATE: That is just wrong. TONY: Sneaking her horny boyfriend into a house filled with armed federal agents who are on the look-out for Al Qaeda assassins. That's wrong, Kate. Me, I'm just trying to gather some valuable intel so I can do my job better. (SHIELDS LECTURES JEN B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - DAY SHIELDS: I mean, Jen, what the hell were you thinking? JEN: We weren't going to have s*x, if that's what you're worried about. SHIELDS: That's not the point! That boy could have been killed! JEN: You don't even know his name! DAVID: We ought to just calm down... JEN: We've been dating for six months, Mom. His name is Lyle. Lyle Chambers. SHIELDS: Let's stay on target, young lady. This is not about names. JEN: On target? Do you think I'm one of your sailors? DAVID: That's enough, Jennifer. JEN: She doesn't know anything about my life, Dad. And why do you think that is, Commander? DAVID: I'm warning you. Do not speak to your mom like that. JEN: Oh, all of a sudden you're concerned with Mom's feelings. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT DAVID: (V.O.) What is that supposed to mean? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - DAY JEN: What a joke. SHIELDS: Is there something I should know here? JEN: Forget it. Just forget it. Can I go to bed now? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - NIGHT ABBY: We've got a face, I think. GIBBS: I've seen better pictures of Sasquatch. ABBY: Well, the fact that it's a reflection limits the details. GIBBS: Well, yeah. I can see that, Abby. ABBY: And the face... if it is a face, it looks like it's turned away. GIBBS: Okay, so let's focus on something smaller. ABBY: Like what? GIBBS: Like a hand. If you were placing a bomb underneath a car... your other hand would be on the side panel. ABBY: Huh. That might actually work. Oh, I can see the paper now. Digital optical enhancement of reflective surfaces with scattered refractive properties. GIBBS: Sounds like a bestseller. I need the answers soon, Abs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY SHIELDS: Those were happier times. KATE: Thank you. SHIELDS: I'm sorry about last night. I don't know what that girl was thinking. KATE: It happens. Teenagers, right? SHIELDS: It just feels like yesterday that she was... um.. playing with dolls and following me around the house. But now... KATE: Well, raising a family and having a full time military career.... I don't know how you've managed it. SHIELDS: I didn't. That's why I'm getting out. It had nothing to do with Afghanistan. KATE: But you could retire in five years. Full pension...medical. SHIELDS: My last deployment lasted for over a year. When I came home my babies ... my little boy and girl... Willy wouldn't even speak to me. And Jen was five inches taller and practically a stranger. The constant moving, the uncertainty, the time away. David does a great job, but it's too much for him. For all of us. KATE: Have you thought about what you're going to do when you get out? SHIELDS: Learn how to be a mother. I certainly can't do any worse. KATE: You're being too hard on yourself, Commander. From where I stand you're a role model. SHIELDS: You know...what was my biggest fear in the Navy? This feeling that everything I was fighting for, everything that I wanted to protect... wouldn't be here when I got back. And now I've brought the war home with me. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY ABBY: Check this out, Gibbs. We got a hand. GIBBS: That's a hand? ABBY: That's the best I could do. Maybe not good enough. GIBBS: How so? ABBY: Well, for some reason there's one area that none of the enhancement programs will work on. GIBBS: Can you tell if he's Middle Eastern? ABBY: Either that or African American. GIBBS: He's only got three fingers. ABBY: I know. I think the program screwed up. Sorry, Gibbs. GIBBS: He didn't. ABBY: He didn't what? GIBBS: Have fingers there. ABBY: So it worked? GIBBS: Uh-huh. ABBY: Cool. So what is he? Some sort of killer shop teacher? GIBBS: Killer squid. Thanks, Abs. ABBY: Yep. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY DAVID: This is insane, Micki. SHIELDS: When you're stressed, you eat. I run. DAVID: Look, why don't you just use the treadmill? SHIELDS: It's not the same. DAVID: Okay, you know what? Why don't you do whatever you want, okay? You always do anyway. SHIELDS: Agents DiNozzo and Todd are going to be with me. It's a run. What's the worse that can happen? DAVID: Uh... you could get shot by a sniper! SHIELDS: That would solve a lot of problems, wouldn't it? DAVID: I can't even believe that you said that. What is wrong with you? SHIELDS: I can't believe a lot of things lately, David. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - DAY KATE: Running out in the open... this is not a good idea. TONY: Well, she's stubborn, won't listen to reason, and is definitely used to getting her own way. Kind of reminds me of someone. KATE: Yeah, like a female Gibbs. TONY: See, I was thinking you. (SFX: DOOR BELL) (DOOR OPENS) TONY: Nice you could make it, Probie. MCGEE: Traffic was a nightmare. I'm sorry. (DOOR CLOSES) TONY: In the real world of real agents, we account for things like traffic, McGee. We'll be back in about an hour. The monster's up in his room. Listen, don't take it personally if he completely ignores you which he will. MCGEE: Right. WILLY: McGee! MCGEE: Hey. WILLY: Come on! MCGEE: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. REYES' OFFICE - DAY REYES: Reflected image? So our bomber is Roland Allen Moore. GIBBS: You don't sound surprised, Agent Reyes. REYES: Well, he was a suspect. (SFX: FILING CABINET DRAWER OPENS) GIBBS: That's true. That's a nice office.(SFX: DRAWER SLIDES CLOSED) REYES: Thanks. GIBBS: Is that a surveillance request form? REYES: I am pretty busy here, Gibbs. So if you've got something to say, say it. GIBBS: That's direct. I like that. Where is he? REYES: Who? GIBBS: My former Petty Officer Roland Allan Moore. REYES: How would I know? GIBBS: You're lying. Know how I can tell? Your pupils just contracted, and your heart rate's increasing. REYES: Maybe I'm just attracted to you. GIBBS: You're hoping Moore will try it again. You want to roll up his entire network. REYES: So what if I am? GIBBS: My people are protecting that family. If they have to, they will die doing it. If that happens... ask Fornell what I'd do. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY SHIELDS: I run this route everyday. It's exactly six miles. You up for an eight minute pace? KATE: I am. Let me check with my partner. (TO TONY) You up for an eight minute pace? TONY: Behind us. White panel van, been with us the last two turns. KATE: All right, let's drop back. If he makes this turn we abort. TONY: (INTO RADIO) McGee, we might have a situation here. KATE: Twelve o'clock... the intersection. TONY: I see him. KATE: Ambush? (SHOUTS) Take cover! TONY: Break left! Break left! (SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) (SFX: EXPLOSION) (FADE OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY (PHOTO FLASHES) GIBBS: How's the Commander? KATE: She's fine except for a few bruises she got when she hit the deck. Tony has her and the entire clan locked down at the house. GIBBS: No more runs, Kate. KATE: You don't have to tell me twice, Gibbs. We got lucky today. The blast was mostly contained inside the vehicle. Of course there's also the matter of the five FBI agents that Tony and I almost shot. REYES: They were there for your protection. KATE: In unmarked vans without our knowledge? REYES: Our operations need to know, Agent Todd. You didn't. KATE: I've run Presidential protection details, Reyes. You don't assign two undercover units without coordination. GIBBS: She's not interested in protection, Kate. KATE: You wanted them to try again. GIBBS: The FBI thinks that the assassination team after the Commander is part of a much larger operation. KATE: And we're the bait to draw them out. REYES: Our intel indicates that they're planning something catastrophic. We were hoping by observing this team, that they would lead us to the rest of the network. KATE: And if the Commander and her family just happened to die in the process? (BEAT) Wow. And I thought Fornell was a b*st*rd. GIBBS: It was your people that were lucky today, Agent Reyes. REYES: Oh yeah? How do you figure that? (SFX: REYES WALKS O.S.) GIBBS: Because my people shoot to kill. You stay here. (TO KATE) Make sure you get copies of everything the FBI finds. KATE: I don't trust her. GIBBS: Good. You're learning. GRETA: Excuse me. Hi, my name's Greta Boyen. I'm a friend of the Shields. Is Micki okay? KATE: She's fine. GRETA: Well, because I live just right over there. When I heard the explosion and I saw her carried away and I thought... KATE: She was just a little dazed, that's all. GRETA: Thank God. Listen, do you think it would be all right if we went over and visited? KATE: The best thing you can do for her right now, Mrs. Boyen, is go home. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: I got that coffee for you, Agent Reyes. It's not as strong as mine, but if you don't want it. REYES: You know, I've been waiting twenty minutes, Gibbs. I - I am not used to waiting. I don't like waiting. GIBBS: Oh, yeah. That's why I got you coffee. Are you sure you don't want to try it? REYES: What the hell do you want? GIBBS: Roland Allan Moore. In my chat room. One hour. REYES: It's not going to happen until he leads us to everyone in his cell. GIBBS: I'll get their names. REYES: Oh, how? Are you going to force feed him your coffee? GIBBS: (LAUGHS) You see, DiNozzo was wrong about you. You do have a sense of humor. Don't miss the six o'clock news, Agent Reyes. REYES: What the hell have you done? GIBBS: Nothing yet. But isn't our FBI using an American family as terrorist bait news? REYES: You'll blow our entire operation. GIBBS: Sure. But I'll also get Moore in my chat room. REYES: Look. Even an agent as arrogant as you are has to know that what you're threatening is a career ender. GIBBS: Only if he doesn't talk. If he does, it's a career maker. (INTO PHONE) Suzanne McRoberts, please. Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS. (TO REYES) You've seen Suzanne on TV. She's cute, blonde, does the anchor on the news. That had better mean we have a deal or you're going to lose a finger. REYES: If you don't crack Moore, the appendage that I'll cut off will mean so much more to you than a finger. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Oh, wow! You're reading Moonstone! Hey, you know Dorothy Sayers thought that was the best detective storey ever written. And T.S. Eliot... he called Moonstone.... REYES: (OVERLAP) Where the hell is Gibbs? MCGEE: The first true English Detective novel. Uh... Gibbs is prepping Roland Alan Moore for interrogation. REYES: Prepping? You mean like physically abusing him? MCGEE: No, no, no, no. Gibbs never lays a finger on a suspect... at least not after we have them in custody. REYES: So what the hell is it exactly that he does to... prep them? MCGEE: Well, it varies from suspect to suspect. And I really can't say what he does. REYES: Because it's illegal. MCGEE: No. No, I don't think so. Uh, no it's usually just quiet conversation. GIBBS: (V.O.) After you hang yourself... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY GIBBS: By the way do you prefer Roland or Mohammed? MORRIS: I'm not going to hang myself. GIBBS: Oh, I know. That's just what my reports going to say. Anyway. After you hang yourself your body will be autopsied here by Doctor Mallard. Hey Duck, where are you going to start to cut on Roland? DUCKY: Is he going to hang himself? GIBBS: Uh-huh. DUCKY: Oh. MORRIS: You're not going to do this. GIBBS: He doesn't know me very well, does he? DUCKY: Obviously not. I remember one terrorist we had... GIBBS: All right, Ducky. No war stories. DUCKY: Oh right. I might start with his head, Jethro. I can make a cut here behind the ear, around the back to the other one. Then I'd pull the skin down over your face so I can take the Striker saw to take the top of your skull off. MORRIS: Get away from me. GIBBS: I don't think he wants you to start there, Duck. DUCKY: Oh no matter. I can always use a "Y" cut to begin with. Let me show you. It's quite simple, really. We take the skull then we cut here and here. Here we go. And then we make a cut all the way down to just above the pubic bone. Now we separate the skin from the muscle and the tissue. And then we take these and we cut them ... (SFX: DUCKY CUTS THE RIB BONES) DUCKY: Once I've opened you up... then we take this and we put it down here. And then I can take out your heart... What do you know? And then we go up to the trachea and pull it out... along with your tongue. (DUCKY REMOVES THE BODY PARTS) (DUCKY STRUGGLES TO REMOVE THE BODY PARTS) SUZANNE: (V.O.) The FBI announced the arrest of four alleged terrorists today. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHIELD'S DEN - DAY SUZANNE: (ON TV) They are believed to be an Al Qaeda cell responsible for the bombing of Navy Lieutenant Commander Micki Shield's car at a Tacoma Park supermarket on Wednesday, and a (V.O.) second car bombing yesterday on a street where she was jogging. An FBI spokesperson said a suspect they had under surveillance led them to a Silver Springs apartment where they captured the entire cell without firing a shot. (ON TV) Lieutenant Commander Shields was the Naval aviator... SHIELDS: The news is really depressing these days. TONY: You have no idea, Commander Shields. SHIELDS: Actually not Commander anymore. Terminal leave is up. I am just Mrs. Micki Shields now. I kind of like the sound of that. DAVID: That's good. GIBBS: Are we going to let these people get on with their lives, or are we going to stand here and stare them to death. MCGEE: The equipment is loaded and stored. Ready to move, Boss. GIBBS: Well, then move, McGee. KATE: If you tell anyone where you got it, I will deny it under oath. JEN: A blank hall pass. KATE: Signed by the principal. JEN: Undated. KATE: Erasable ink is the key. It's always worked for me. TONY: Hey! Well, here you go. WILLY: Thanks. TONY: Yeah, I wouldn't wear it unless I had to. Cool. If there's anything you can think of. WILLY: Shades. TONY: What? WILLY: I like your sunglasses. TONY: Yeah, but that's not surprising because they're super cool, Willy. But you see, the thing about these is are...these are really grown up shades. GIBBS: We're out of here. WILLY: Thanks! Sweet! (TONY HIGH FIVES WILLY) WILLY: Ooh! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAR - MOVING TONY: (V.O.) Polarized lenses. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING TONY: Impact protected. Raked-back curvature. They were special order, Boss. GIBBS: I never special order. MCGEE: Isn't that funny. Neither do I. TONY: There's nothing funny about this, McGee. And what part of this conversation is about you anyway? MCGEE: Only the part about special ordering. KATE: I always special order. It's a bright day out today. (SFX: PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Abs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS: ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) So the FBI... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Finally sent copies of the evidence from the second bombing. The patterns don't match the first. The second's more "boom"... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED)....Than bomb. There was no shrapnel. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Fertilizer and oil instead of C-four. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) And placement inside the car limited the spread. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Amateur night. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Sounds like. Oh, something else, my hero. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) It was triggered by some sort of crude remote control. Like... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) ...a garage door opener. Couldn't have had a range of more than a hundred feet. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR CHANGES DIRECTIONS) (SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) TONY: Anything we should know, Boss? GIBBS: The second bomb wasn't Al Qaeda. Somebody else wants the Commander dead. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHIELDS' DEN - DAY DAVID: We're finished. It's over. GRETA: No, you're just confused, David, and that's understandable. I would be too if Al Qaeda were targeting my family. DAVID: Greta, what we did was a big mistake. GRETA: No, what we did was right. She's brought all this on herself. She's put your family in harm's way. David, everything is going to be better when she's gone. DAVID: Do you hear what you're saying? GRETA: Why, you'll see! You'll see. We can go back to how we were before she came home. SHIELDS: No no no. Greta, it's not going to happen, okay? We were lonely. That's all it was. I love my wife. GRETA: (SHOUTS) No! Don't say that, okay? That's not true. DAVID: Yes, it is. GRETA: (BEAT) Well, then I'm going to tell her, David. If you won't... I will. SHIELDS: You just did, Greta. Now get out of our life. (GRETA PULLS OUT A GUN) DAVID: Whoa! Whoa! Greta! Greta! Put it away. GRETA: He made love to me, Micki. He made love to me like he's never made love to you. He told me that. DAVID: Greta, look. Just... give me the gun. GRETA: (SHOUTS) No! Everything's going to be fine once she's gone! You'll see. SHIELDS: Drop your weapon, Greta. (SFX: DOORBELL RINGS) SHIELDS: Leave and I'll forget all about this. GRETA: I won't. DAVID: Please. (SFX: DOOR BELL RINGS) (SFX: GUNFIRE) DAVID: It was self defense. She was just trying to protect herself. SHIELDS: At least this time it wasn't an innocent civilian. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - DRIVING MCGEE: Actually, I did special order once. (SFX: CHUCKLING B.G.) (ENDING CREDITS UP) (FADE OUT) (ENDING TITLE/ CREDITS UP AND OUT)

When an Iraq veteran, Lieutenant Commander Michaela "Micki" Shields, who is also nearing retirement, is threatened and very nearly killed by a group of terrorists seeking revenge against her for accidentally killing civilians while she was serving in the war, the NCIS team steps in to protect her and her family from further danger. While trying to convince an FBI agent to help them, the team is convinced that they've discovered the bomber but unfortunately, the FBI Agent is more interested in nailing the members of the whole terrorist cell rather than making sure that the family are safe. However, things might not be what they seem when another car bomb nearly kills Tony and Kate during their protection duty of the lieutenant commander. The clock is ticking for the team as they only have days to solve the case before the lieutenant commander is discharged and officially becomes a civilian.

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Skyline:A cloud appears and sprinkles rain. ACT I [N.B. The first scene of Act One has Frasier telling a story to Niles in the apartment, constantly interrupted by flashbacks and alternative versions of said flashbacks. To preserve continuity, scenes that take place in a single setting over a continuous time have been named as a single scene in several parts: "1a, 1b, etc."] Scene 1-a - Frasier's apartment It is stormy outside and Frasier is fretting about something, pacing nervously. The doorbell rings, and he rushes to admit Niles. Frasier: [frantically] Oh, Niles! Thank God you've come quickly. I've been going mad. Niles: This better be a real emergency, Frasier. You pulled me away from the Gifted Infants Toy Expo. Frasier: Yes, yes, you missed out on buying a Tickle Me Tolstoy doll. Niles, my problem is more important than that. You see, I've... [desperately] oh, dear God. Niles, I've committed a crime! Niles: Don't tell me. You forgot to send the opera board a thank you note for the Christmas brickle. Frasier: By God, man, it's a real crime! Punishable by law! At this moment, a thunderclap and a flash of lightning. Niles: By law? Frasier: Of the United States of America. Another thunderclap and lightning flash. Niles: Good heavens, what have you done? Frasier: I'll tell you. But before you judge me, Niles, please, remember how much stress I've been under lately. Niles: Of course. Tell me everything, leave nothing out. Frasier sits. Niles goes to the sherry bar. Frasier: All right. It was a dark and stormy day... Niles: You can leave that out. Frasier: All right. It was an average day, marred only by a persistent cough caused by a barista's over-nutmegging my machiatto. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - KACL Frasier is taking a call. Frasier: Go ahead, Babette, what can I do for you? Babette: [v.o.] Well, Dr. Crane. For about a year now, I've been stealing. I get these uncontrollable urges to take things. Frasier: Such as? [He begins to cough and try to stifle it.] Babette: All kinds of things. Magazines from stores, a friend's sunglasses... things I don't even want. Frasier continues to battle with the cough. Frasier: I see, um... [clearing his throat] Go on. Babette: It's so unlike me. I mean, my friends think I'm dull. They all say "Babette, you're like an old shoe." But stealing is so exciting. It's really the only time I feel alive. Frasier: Well, it sound to me like you have a classic case of klepto... [wheezing cough, strained] klepto... Frasier breaks down, hacking. Roz takes the save. Roz: Kleptomania. Hi, Babette, this is Roz. And if Dr. Crane weren't hacking up a hairball, I'm sure he would tell you that this thrill you get from stealing makes up for an emptiness in your life. Frasier drinks from a water bottle, gesturing his approval for what Roz is saying. Roz: That's the problem you really need to address. So you should seek counseling, or at least find a support group. Frasier: Yes, and may I add... Roz: She's gone and we're out of time. Frasier: Oh, well then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane saying "Good day, Seattle," and "Good mental health." He signs off. [N.B. Helen Mirren, a self-proclaimed huge fan of Frasier, has the honor of being the show's last guest caller.] Roz enters. Roz: Are you okay? I haven't heard so much coughing since I was backstage at Reggae Sunsplash. Frasier: Well... [clears throat] ...I'm fine, Roz, thank you. Thank you so much. Your advice was spot on. Roz: It should be. I've heard you say the same stuff for ten years now. "Confront your emotions," "communicate," "seek counseling." Frasier: I didn't realize my advice had become so predictable. Roz: Well, it's not your fault everyone calls with the same dumb-ass problems. Frasier: They're not the same problems. What about that--that caller last week, the sleepwalking transvestite who kept breaking off his heels in sewer grates? Roz: Yeah, I remember him. You told him to seek counseling. Frasier: [indignant] Yes, I also told him to wear flats. Oh, oh, did maintenance remember to bring me that hammer I asked for? Roz: Oh, yeah, right here. [She grabs a hammer.] What do you need it for? Frasier: [taking the hammer] Some imbecile's been parking in my spot despite several strongly worded notes I have left on his windshield. The time has come for me to take matters into my own hands. Niles: [v.o.] My God, Frasier, so that's what you did! SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-b - Frasier's apartment Cut back to Frasier's narrative to Niles. Niles: In an uncontrollable rage over the commandeering of your parking space, you took hammer to car! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3-a - Parking garage Niles's line continues as a voiceover here. Frasier approaches a car... Niles: [v.o.] You are a vandal! And angrily smashes in the windshield and hood with the hammer. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-c - Frasier's apartment Frasier corrects Niles's conclusion. Frasier: It was nothing like that! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3-b - Parking garage Frasier's narrative continues as a voiceover. Frasier: [v.o.] My "Reserved" sign was a-dangle. I used the hammer to tack it back on. Frasier is seen doing this. An attractive woman approaches as he does. Willa: Oh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't realize this spot was reserved. Frasier: [angrily] So all those notes that I left... [seeing her] must have... blown away. [shaking her hand] Uh, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. Willa: Yes. Frasier: So you know my show? Willa: It's on your sign. Willa Haver. I'm so sorry. My assigned spot is on the roof, and with the rain and everything... Frasier: Oh, no, no it's perfectly understandable, and now that I know that this is your Audi, let me be the first to say [grinning] "Audi, neighbor!" [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 1-d - Back to the Frasier/Niles narrative in the apartment. Niles: And that's when she took the hammer and put you out of your misery? Frasier: That would have been preferable. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3-c - Parking garage Back to Frasier's conversation with the woman. Frasier: You know, perhaps in the spirit of d tente, I could, uh, buy you some coffee? Willa: Oh, well, that is so sweet of you, but I can't right now. Frasier: Oh, well, perhaps tomorrow? Willa: Uh, no tomorrow's no good either. Frasier: Next week, perhaps? Willa: Next week, uh, I'll be out of town. Frasier: You know, I'm-I'm not sure if we're having a devil of a time coordinating our schedules or you're just giving me a polite brush-off. She is uncomfortable, says nothing, beeps her car alarm and leaves. Frasier: [as she gets in her car, dejectedly] OK, now I'm sure. FADE OUT [First Commercial Break] HOW TO DEAL WITH A DIM BULB Scene 1-e - Frasier's apartment Fade in. Back to Frasier's narrative to Niles. Frasier: My morning's travails aside, Niles, you'll be happy to know I didn't strike out with every woman I encountered today. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 4-a - Hallway near the elevator An elderly woman approaches as Frasier goes to enter his apartment. [N.B. Estelle Parsons has already "appeared" this season, as a guest caller in [11.12], "Frasier-Lite."] Opal: Frasier. I heard the elevator, and I thought, "I bet that's Frasier," and it is. Frasier: How are you, Mrs. Magrini? Opal: Oh, just grand, and how many times do I have to ask you to call me Opal? You make me feel like an old woman. Frasier: [uncomfortably] Opal, then. Lovely to see you again. Opal: [not taking his strong hints] Some weather! Frasier: [patiently] Yes, it's just awful. Opal: Oh! It's blowing a gale. Frasier: Yes, it's quite a storm. Opal: And colder than a well-digger's wallet. Frasier: Yes, that's quite apt. Opal: I wonder if I could ask a favor. Frasier patiently waits to hear it. Opal: I know you're probably as busy as an ant farm, but do you think you could change a light bulb for me? The last time I tried, I fell off the ladder, and I lay on my back like... Frasier: Like a helpless turtle? Opal: No, like a half-hour till the ambulance came. Frasier: [nodding it off] Well, uh, let me just get out of these wet shoes, and I'll be right over. Opal: Oh, great. I'll make some tea and cookies. We always have such lively conversations. Frasier: [veiled sarcasm] Yes, we're reviving a lost art. Frasier enters his apartment, where Martin and Ronee are sitting on a couch, looking at photos. Daphne is also there. Martin: Hey, Fras. Daphne: Hello. Martin: Some weather, huh? Frasier: [irritated] Yes, it's raining. I've just gone over that with Mrs. Magrini. Ronee: Hey, come look at these pictures from our engagement party. Martin: Yeah, that camera you gave us is terrific. Frasier: What, is that the camera I gave you ten years ago? I can't believe you've never used it before. Martin: Shows you what you know. Turns out half the shots on this roll were taken the night you gave it to me. Daphne: Niles, come and look at these old pictures. Niles enters from the kitchen. Niles: [v.o.] Yes, and then we all looked at the pictures! SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-f - Cut back to the Frasier/Niles narrative. Niles: I remember it as if it were four hours ago. Frasier: I am coming to my point! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 4-b - Back to looking at the pictures. Daphne: Oh, Martin, look at you. Sitting in your chair all sour and grumpy. Ronee: You must be drunk in this picture, Niles. You've got your arm around a floor lamp. Niles: [taking the photo] Oh, no, that's Maris in her Easter hat. Daphne: [showing Niles a photo] Why are you all hunched over in this one? Niles: [uncomfortably] Uh... Daphne: You were looking at my bum, weren't you? Niles: Oh, heavens, no! Daphne: Oh, it's all right, Niles, we're married now. Niles: All right, yes. I might once in a moment of weakness have permitted myself a fleeting glance. She hands him another photo. Niles: Or twice. Another photo. The look on Daphne's face is priceless. Niles: [giving in] Many, many times. Frasier rolls his eyes. Daphne: It's all about the rear with you, isn't it? Niles: Oh, no, darling... Daphne: [interrupting] No, seriously... She stands and turns her back to him. Daphne: What color are my eyes? Niles: [uncomfortable] Um... Daphne: You're looking at it again, aren't you? Of course he is. Niles: No, I... Martin: [nostalgically] Boy, you look at these pictures, you can really see how far we've all come. Ronee: Oh, I'll say, you were such an old sourpuss and [to Niles] you with the crypt keeper there, and [to Frasier] you... well, God, you haven't changed a bit. You're even wearing the same jacket that you wore in this picture. Frasier: [looking at the photo] Hardly the same, I've had it relined. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-g - Back to the narrative. Frasier: I don't mind telling you, Niles. What happened next was particularly galling. Niles: I remember exactly what happened, and I haven't got a clue what you're talking about. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 4-c - Cut back to the nostalgia session. Martin's arm is around Ronee. Niles: [peacefully] Our lives are so complete. Martin: [contentedly] We really are lucky. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-h - Narrative Frasier: Oh, please, that's not how it happened at all! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 4-d - Frasier's version Niles, Daphne, Martin, and Ronee are all staring pointedly at Frasier. Niles: [Daphne in his arm, tauntingly] Our lives are so complete! Martin: [nyah-nyah!] We really are lucky! Frasier frowns indignantly. Daphne: Well, come on, Niles, we should be heading off to the baby show. Niles: Oh, right. Daphne: If we're lucky, we might get a lead on a nanny. Martin: Oh, well you know, there are ads in the back of that Seattle Weekly. Ronee: Just make sure you look in the right section. If she says she's got her own toys and is willing to spank, she may not be a nanny. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-i - Narrative Niles: Don't tell me! In your desperation over being the only Crane man not to find love, you picked up that paper and did the unthinkable! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 5 - Fantasy of Frasier opening the door to a leather-clad call girl. Frasier: Tawny LaRue, I presume. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-j - Narrative Frasier: I did no such thing, you nit! [beating him with the paper] And I am telling this story! Niles: Very slowly! I'm beginning to think you didn't do anything! Frasier: All right, I'm getting to it! Now you'll recall, I promised to change my neighbor's light bulb. Niles: Oh, God... He places his face in his hands, unable to bear much more. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 6-a - Opal Magrini's apartment Brown tones, much antique furniture. Frasier is perched on a ladder by some high shelves. Opal enters with a plate of cookies. Opal: Here we are! Frasier: [looking at a statue] I was just admiring your bust. Opal: [taking "bust" differently] Thank you! Frasier: It might look nice a little higher. Opal: It might look nice a lot higher, but heck, I'm 83. Anyway, I can't thank you enough for coming to my rescue. Frasier: Yes, it's lucky you ran into me in the hall. Opal: Oh, I knew that would be you coming out of the elevator. If there's one thing I can count on, it's old Frasier's routine, unchanging as Granddad's whiskers. She moves around the apartment. Frasier opens the light bulb box. Opal: There's old Frasier off to work. There's old Frasier coming home. There's old Frasier off to work. There's old Frasier... Frasier: Yes, "old Frasier" gets the idea. Opal: That's why I gave you my spare key. I knew if there was ever an emergency, I could count on you. Oh, we should have our tea. My date's picking me up in twenty minutes. Frasier: How marvelous you're still dating. Opal: Well, I think an active social life keeps you young. So what are you doing this evening? Frasier: I thought I'd stay in with a good book. Opal: [with a patronizing smile] Ah, isn't that nice? How you're so cozy in your routine. Ha ha, you're like an old shoe, Frasier. She taps his leg and walks away. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-k - Narrative Frasier: [haunted] That's when I snapped! Niles: You didn't! You bludgeoned her horribly with that bust! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 6-b - Fantasy shot of Frasier threatening Opal with the bust from the ladder and her cowering in fear. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-l - Narrative Frasier: No, you insane twit! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 6-c - Continuation of the scene. Opal: You're like an old shoe, Frasier, now come have some tea. Frasier: [v.o. from his conversation with Niles] I suddenly flashed on my caller, Babette. Before I knew what I was doing, I impulsively pocketed something that belonged to her. We see Frasier surreptitiously grabbing a small square box from the shelf as Opal prepares the tea. Frasier: [v.o., haunted, menacingly] I stole, Niles! Like some craven thief. And I've never felt more alive! Frasier's face as he perpetrates the act is wild with menace. A thunderclap as he pockets the box. He walks to join Opal, who saw nothing, for tea. FADE OUT. END OF ACT I ACT II [N.B. Frasier's story completed, we now return to a normal order of scenes.] Scene 7 - Completion of the narrative. Frasier: You can't imagine the thrill I felt as I sat there sipping her inferior tea and eating her excellent cookies, all the while fingering the stolen object in my pocket. Which he produces for Niles's viewing pleasure. Frasier: [again with the menacing tone] And then how coolly I walked out, scot-free, the old bird none the wiser. Niles: What's in there? Frasier: Some sort of decorative medallion. Niles: Well, it's pretty clear what happened. The depressing series of events today led you to conclude that you're in a rut. Your spontaneous transgression generated the excitement that you so desperately wanted. Frasier: Any Caribbean-trained Psych student could tell me that! Niles: Well, if you didn't want my diagnosis, why did you call me here? Frasier: Because I am plagued by guilt. I have to return this box before it's discovered missing. Niles: [wary] Why did you call me here? Frasier: I need your help, Niles. I have her key. I know she's out. We can put this back and be done with it. Niles: But I don't want to. I have excitement in my life. Frasier: Please! I can't trust myself to be alone. I am caught in the grip of this mania! Who knows what I might steal next? Niles: You took a little box! I hardly think you're going to run off on a crime spree. Frasier: Oh, really? He produces Niles's handkerchief. Shocked, Niles checks his pocket and finds it empty. Niles: [rising] Thief! Frasier: [menacing again] That's right! I took it, and I liked it! [pleading] Please, please, Niles! Niles: I don't want to get involved. Frasier: Fine, I'll do it myself. Here, hold this for me. He gives Niles the box. Niles: [takes it] Why? Frasier: [snatches it back] Now your prints are on it, too. You have to help me! Niles: Fiend! Frasier runs out the door, chased by Niles, who quickly grabs his coat. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 8 - The Magrini apartment Frasier and Niles enter. It is dark. Frasier: Admit it, Niles. It's intoxicating, isn't it? Don't you feel the tingle running down your spine? Niles: In a minute, it's going to be running down my inseam, hurry up. Frasier: I've become a danger junkie. A cunning cat burglar with nerves of steel. The door rattles. Frasier and Niles shriek in terror. Frasier: Hide! Hide! Here, here, take this box! Niles: No, no you've got a pocket. Frasier: Put it... They frantically rush out to a balcony, which is hidden by curtains, as a group of people enter the apartment. Leading them are Opal's imposing son, Roland, and her niece, Sarah. Roland: All right. All right, everybody. Put down your gifts, give me your coats and I'll put them in the bedroom. A cell phone rings. Sarah answers. Sarah: Hello? Thank you! Okay, that was the doorman. Aunt Opal is on her way up! Everyone find a place to hide! They rush to take off their coats and hide. Sarah: All right, quiet everybody! I hear them! Opal enters with her date. The lights come on and they all jump out and shout "Surprise!" Frasier and Niles, with no other option, join the surprise shouts and emerge from the balcony. Opal: Oh, my goodness! Thank you! Opal's date begins to remove her coat. Opal: [seeing the Cranes] Frasier! They both have stupid grins on their faces. Sarah: Who are you? Frasier: I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, the next door neighbor, uh, and this is my brother Niles, uh, we just wanted to say Happy Birthday, Opal! Opal: Thank you! Roland: Did someone invite you? Frasier: [quick on his feet] Uh, well, the news of this birthday has been just buzzing through the building. We wouldn't miss an opportunity to honor this wonderful lady. Roland: Then how'd you get in here? Frasier: We slipped in as the door was closing. Roland: I could swear... Opal: Stop grilling them, please, Roland! He thinks he has to grill everyone just because he's a district attorney. Niles begins to panic and grabs Frasier's arm. The party guests all laugh. Opal: Now, what would you like to drink? Another niece, Janelle, enters from the kitchen. [N.B. Janelle is played by Bernadette Birkett, the real-life wife of George Wendt, who played Norm Peterson on "Cheers." She played the voice of Norm's "Fairy Tales Can Come True" as Tinker Bell.] Janelle: Champagne! Frasier: Oh, well, we really can't stay. Opal: Oh, you can stay a few minutes. You don't want to hurt my feelings. Janelle: [to Niles] Here, let me take your coat. Niles: Oh, my coat, no, I'd really rather you... [it's too late, as she has removed the coat] Uh, okay. Janelle: [holding the coat] Oh, my God! Niles: What, what? Janelle: You're Dr. Frasier Crane! She hands the coat to Roland. Janelle: Here, take this, Roland. I love your show! Frasier: Oh... Janelle: It's going to be so exciting to have a celebrity here when we take Aunt Opal's picture with her medal! Frasier: Oh. Niles: [frightened] Medal?! Janelle: She won the bronze at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. Frasier: Oh. Janelle: So what's it like being a huge radio star? Frasier: [always making time for a fan] Well... Niles: [subdued panic] Frasier! Frasier: Yes, yes, in a minute, Niles. Actually, I don't really think of myself as a star so much as a healer. The important thing is to listen... Niles: Frasier? Frasier: Yes, not now, Niles. Niles: [with feigned excitement and deeper meaning] Frasier, they're going to take her picture with her medal! Frasier: Yes, I heard that. [then, he really DOES hear it] Oh, dear. Uh, excuse me just a moment. He takes Niles aside. Frasier: [under his breath] You have got to get that medal out of your coat. Niles: Why don't you get it? Frasier: I'm a celebrity. They're watching my every move. Go on. The family members are now all gathered around Aunt Opal. Sarah: Aunt Opal, tell Dr. Crane the story about how you refused to shake Hitler's hand when he gave you that medal. Frasier: Oh! Opal: It looked sweaty, that's all. They all laugh. CUT TO: Niles entering the bedroom. Unfortunately, another elderly woman (Florence) is napping on top of the coats. She stirs a little. Niles tries to extract his coat without waking her, but he drags her with it. She awakens, with Niles's face a few inches from hers. Florence: Who are you? Niles: It's just a dream. Florence: Then why aren't you Harry Truman? CUT BACK TO: the party. Opal: Where's my cake? I'm ready for the cake! Roland: No, not until we take the family picture, Mother. Niles has re-entered. Niles: [softly, to Frasier] I got it. Opal: Well, then let's take the darned picture. Roland, get my medal down. Roland: Where is it? Opal: Same place it always is, unless it's grown legs like a tadpole and hopped away. Frasier: We have got to get that medal up there! Niles: What do you mean "we?" Frasier: You're right. Bad plan. You've got to get it up there. All right, top shelf, right of the sconce. [to the guests] You know, before we take the picture, I have a little story I'd like to tell that just may rival that Hitler tale. They all divert their attention to Frasier. Niles makes sure nobody is looking before he ascends the ladder. Frasier: The place...was right here. The time...was this afternoon. Opal had just set out a lovely service of tea and a plate of sweets. I remember there were three cookies sitting on the plate, and I reached for... [with meaning] the LEFT one. Not the CENTER one, the LEFT one, and just at the same moment, Opal reached for the very same cookie, and, oh, what did you say? Oh, it was priceless. Opal: I said, "You take it." Frasier: Hah! Right off the top of her head. Roland notices Niles fumbling on the ladder. Roland: What are you doing? Niles: I, uh... Frasier: Uh, I can tell from the panic in my brother's voice that he must have seen a spider. You see, he has a crippling fear of spiders, and it sent him up the ladder. Niles: Yes, I hate spiders. Sarah: I didn't see a spider. Come back down. Frasier: No! Roland: Why not? Frasier: Because he also has a crippling fear of heights. This may be just the breakthrough we've been looking for. Higher, Niles! Conquer your fear! Niles - believably - feigns terror. Frasier: Please, everyone, I'm going to have to ask you to turn around, as his fear of crowds has set in. Sarah: Crowds, too? Frasier: Yes, you are looking at that rarest of beasts, the arachno-acro- agoraphobe. Please, avert your eyes. They turn around. Frasier: This is the most difficult part of the process. I am using a technique known as behavioral exposure therapy. Climb higher, Niles. Ever higher, conquer your fear! Janelle: Wow, Frasier Crane in action! Frasier: No, please, no peeking! You don't want to cause a setback. After replacing the medal, Niles slips off the ladder and hangs from the top shelf by his fingertips. Frasier stifles a scream. Frasier: Everybody freeze! This is the moment of truth. I haven't done this since my days in med school. He motions for them to keep looking away. He then rescues Niles by climbing under him. Niles is now seated on Frasier's shoulders and releases the bookshelf. Everybody sees Frasier carrying Niles. Frasier: Hurrah! He's done it! He's conquered all three! Niles makes a gesture of triumph with his usual stupid grin. Opal: What are you doing? Frasier: Well, you as an athlete should know the time-honored tradition of hoisting the victor on one's shoulders. Opal: They never did that to me. Frasier: Well, you finished third, didn't you? Now if you'll excuse me. I've got to journal all this while it's still fresh. Good night, everyone! He walks toward the door. As he exits, Niles's head bumps on the top of the doorway. Everybody gasps with concern. Frasier: Oh! Good Lord, I should have dipped. I tell you... On the second attempt, Niles bumps his head again. They fumble out the door. Frasier: So sorry. Having made their not so graceful exit from the party, Frasier and Niles have apparently successfully concealed the crime. FADE OUT. OEDIPAL UNDIES Scene 9 - Frasier's apartment Frasier is on the couch looking at the old photos. Martin enters in his robe rom the back. Frasier: Oh, hey, Dad, I didn't know you guys were here. Where's Ronee? Martin: Oh, she's in bed waiting for me. Hey, Fras, you know what, she can't see a thing without her contacts. Why don't we play a little joke on her? You tiptoe in... Frasier: No, Dad, I'll pass. Martin: Still looking at those old pictures, huh? Frasier: Yeah. Martin: It's funny, isn't it? Frasier: What? Martin: How suddenly your whole life can change. I never would've dreamed back then that I'd end up getting married again, at my age, and to someone so young and full of pep. Frasier: I'm very happy for you and Ronee. Martin: That's the way it is. Just when you think that you're in a rut, and nothing exciting will ever happen to you again, Pow! That's when it does. Frasier: Maybe you're right. Martin: I know I'm right. Good night, Fras. He exits to the back. Frasier: Good night, Dad. Frasier begins to put the pictures away. Martin suddenly re-enters. Martin: You know, you could put on my robe and a little bit of my Aqua Velva... Frasier: Good night, Dad. Martin exits again. FADE OUT. [N.B. This last scene is certainly a foreshadowing of the next episode, [11.18] "Match Game." - which might explain why "Match Game" was not aired until several weeks after it was filmed.] END OF ACT II [SCENE_BREAK] Niles exits Frasier's apartment, bidding him farewell, and heads to the elevator. As he waits, he happily pulls out one of Frasier's sherry glasses from his coat pocket. But then he checks his other pocket and becomes worried, for he is obviously missing something. Frasier comes out, dangling Niles's keys. Niles, realizing he has been outfoxed, produces the sherry glass, and they exchange their thefts. Frasier re-enters his apartment, and Niles is clearly very disappointed.

Frasier is pacing up and down his apartment while a storm goes on outside. Niles arrives, annoyed at being called away from the " gifted infants' toy expo", and Frasier confesses that he has committed a crime, punishable by US law . There then follows a flashback while he explains: Frasier had been having a bad day. During his radio show, he came down with a coughing fit and Roz had to advise his kleptomaniac caller, Babette, after which she claimed he had been dispensing the same advice for ten years. He was later turned down by an attractive woman who had parked her car in his space, and cornered at his front door by an elderly neighbor ( Estelle Parsons ) who said she could set her watch by his routine. He also did not appreciate coming home to two happy couples - Niles and Daphne, and Martin and Ronee - while he himself is still single. Calling round to change a light bulb for his neighbor, he learned that even she is still dating at the age of 83. At this point, Niles learns of Frasier's crime: he surreptitiously stole an item from one of her shelves, just for the thrill. However, now he is plagued by guilt, and wants Niles' help in returning the item, in case he feels the urge to steal again. Neither of them realizes the importance of the stolen object.

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"Heat Wave" 9th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 1ADA08 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode begins in the Crashdown Cafe at night. Maria is cleaning the restaurant area downstairs and Liz is studying upstairs. Liz eats a doughnut and goes to the fridge to get some milk, but there isn't much left. We see Maria turn around facing the entrance of the Crashdown - Michael is outside looking in. Maria opens the door and Michael enters. Michael and Maria start kissing and things get a bit steamy between them. Liz, who comes downstairs looking for something to drink, hears noises and slowly peeks into the main part of the restaurant and sees Maria and Michael together on the counter) (Opening credits) DJ: It's 7:36, and it's another white hot day in this bizarre December heat wave. We're already pushing 90 at the silos and, at this rate... Voice-Over: It's December 2nd, 1999. I'm Liz Parker, and this heat wave has made everyone crazy. (Liz walks through the halls at school seeing everyone coupled with someone else) Voice-Over: Heat expands, melts, makes things boil, sets things on fire. And seeing the effect of this heat all around me just pointed out in this really blatant way how my life wasn't expanding...that I was stuck. (We see Michael and Maria making out in the janitor's closet) Maria: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm dying here. This is so uncharacteristic. (Liz comes out of a classroom and runs into Kyle) Kyle: Liz. Liz: Hi, Kyle. Kyle: Hi. You know Vicky Delaney. Liz: Oh, sure. Hi, Vicky. How's it going? Vicky: Really good actually. Um, hey, Kyle and I are going to this thing on Friday night. You should come. Kyle: No no, see, that's not Liz's kind of thing... Liz: A party? Vicky: Yeah, it's at the old soap factory. It should be pretty wild. Liz: Is that even legal? Kyle: See? I told ya it wasn't your kind of thing. So... Liz: You know, um, a party on Friday really sounds great. Um, so maybe I'll just see you two there. Vicky: See? I told ya she'd be cool. Liz: Later. Kyle: Right. (Liz walks off and sees Alex being led by Valenti into the Principal's office) Sheriff: So, you and Ms. Topolsky... Alex: ...went over my schedule for next semester. Sheriff: And there was nothing that seemed odd about her behavior that day? ALEX; No, sir. (Liz is looking for Max and finds him in the library) Liz: Hi. I've been looking for you all over. I just saw Valenti talking to Alex. They were in the principal's office. Max: What did Alex say to him? Liz: I haven't been able to find him yet. Not that he'll really talk to me once I do. Max: Liz, i'm sorry. Liz: It's ok. It's not your fault, you know? I'm just a little bit worried right now. He won't talk to Maria or me, you know? I've never even seen him like this before. Oh, but there is one piece of good news. Kyle started seeing someone. Vicky Delaney. Max: Oh. Liz: So maybe she's gonna take his mind off all of his suspicions. Max: Right. Liz: Right. Oh, and apparently it's gotten really serious. Because they're going to this party together on Friday night. You know, at the old soap factory. Max: Right. Liz: It's kinda funny, isn't it? You know, how people have started pairing up and moving forward. Um...have you noticed anything strange about Michael lately? Max: What do you mean? Liz: Maybe just the way he acts around Maria. You know, have you observed any differences in his behavior at all? Max: Are you saying there's something going on between Michael and Maria? Liz: No, I'm not. I'm not saying that. Would it be bad if there were? Max: Yes! I mean...I don't know. (Outside Topolsky's office, Maria's mom is making a scene) Amy: Ok, I need to speak to someone with some kind of authority. Cuz this is unacceptable. I demand to know what's going on here. Not tomorrow, not the next day, right now! Clerk: I'll see what I can do. (Amy turns around and sees Sheriff Valenti) Amy: Oh, jeez. Sheriff: Amy De Luca. Amy: Hello, Sheriff. Sheriff: So, ya stayin' out of the slammer? Amy: Oh, very amusing. Sheriff: What are you doing here? Amy: This Topolsky woman calls me up, leaves me this cryptic message that I need to come in here and discuss my daughter's future. And then when I get here, they tell me she's...well, the word they use is "disappeared". You know, I carve time out of my hectic schedule to meet her. Sheriff: You know, being a single parent myself, I know how difficult that can be. Amy: Really? Well, it looks like we finally have something in common. Sheriff: Will wonders never cease? Amy: (chuckles) Yeah. (Amy and Valenti walk off in opposite directions) (Liz is trying to talk to Alex as he's going towards his bicycle) Liz: Alex! Alex, please wait. Will you just give me a chance? Alex: What? Liz: Let's just try and talk. Alex: What do you want from me? More blood? A urine sample? How about my kidney? Liz: Alex, I just want you to be my friend again. Alex: No, you don't. You just want to protect Max Evans from whatever it is you're protecting him from. This has nothing to do with our friendship. Liz: No, that's not true. Alex: You said that you were going to tell me what was going on, and you didn't, all right? I trusted you! Liz: Alex, I know. Alex: So just tell me now then, all right? Just tell me, and it'll be ok. Liz: I can't. Alex: It's amazing. You wanna know what? A couple weeks ago, if someone were to ask me who I would trust with my life other than my parents, I would have said you without skipping a beat. And now...now I feel like I don't even know who you are. Liz: Alex, I want to tell you, I do, but...it's not my secret to tell. Alex, I need to know what you told Sheriff Valenti. Alex: I want to tell ya, Liz...but it's not my secret to tell. (Alex rides off on his bicycle) (The following scenes are of Liz and Maria talking to each other in the girl's bathroom, and Max and Michael talking to each other in the men's room) Liz: What are ya doin'? Maria: Nothing. Liz: Maria, it's 105 degrees outside, and you're wearing a turtleneck. Maria: So? Liz: Here. Try this. I saw you and Michael together at the Crashdown the other night. Max: Hey, Michael. Michael: Max. Max: How's it goin'? Michael: Decent. Max: Listen, I was just wondering if we could talk about something. Michael: Sure. Max: Just in terms of you and Maria. There isn't...I mean, nothing's been going on between you two...has there? Maria: We were just sucking face. Liz: Look, I am sure that you're saying to yourself, "just go for it", right? I mean, sure, you see everyone else going for it. Suddenly there is this heat wave, and everybody is going for it. Michael: I just figured, go for it, you know? I don't know what I was thinkin'. Max: You know, I just thought we had guidelines about this. We agreed to discuss before we acted on any...you know, urges. Michael: Well, I hate to tell you this, Max, but when i have urges, you're not exactly the first person I think about. Max: Yeah, I realize that. But the point is, we can't let things spin out of control. I mean, sure, it starts as a kiss... Michael: It's more than that. Max: How much more? Michael: I don't know, Max. It feels so wrong, but it feels so good. Liz: It feels good? What is going on here? You and Michael. Kyle and Vicky. Ms. Hardy and Mr. Krewlick. Look, the point here, Maria, is that I don't see you and Michael together. Do you two talk or do you just like... Maria: Of course, we talk. (Maria and Michael are making out in another room) Maria: Shouldn't we like, talk or something? Michael: About what? Maria: I don't know, you kinda just pulled me and dragged me in here. Shouldn't we at least like exchange pleasantries? Michael: How're ya doin'? Maria: Fine, and you? So, did you hear about this party Friday night at the old soap factory? Michael: I guess. Maria: Are you gonna go? Michael: I don't know. Maria: You don't know? Michael: Friday's like years from now. (Amy De Luca is trying to sell cocktail stirrers with alien faces at the tips to Jeff Parker at the Crashdown Cafe) Jeff: So, um, what are these guys? Amy: Cocktail stirrer. Take a gross. People love them. Jeff: Hmm....ok. Amy: And this one glows in the dark. Jeff: Get out of here. Really? Amy: Yes. (Sheriff Valenti walks in) Amy: Sheriff, uh... Sheriff: Hi. I stopped by your shop. They told me you were here. Amy: Oh, nothing's wrong? Sheriff: No, nothing's wrong. It's just, uh... Sheriff (to Jeff): It's kinda personal. Jeff: Oh. (chuckles) (Mr. Parker leaves Mrs. De Luca and Sheriff Valenti alone) Sheriff: Um...Amy...listen, about what happened. It's just, uh...I realize it was a long time ago, and I just want to make sure that you know that...I was just doing my job. Amy: Oh, yeah. Well, I appreciate the sentiment, Sheriff, but it did scar me for life and all, so... Sheriff: You were breaking the law. You were stopping honest, hard-working people from doing their jobs. Amy: Those honest hard-working people were destroying a 200-year-old piece of Native American architecture...raping our town of its history. Sheriff: Amy, the Native Americans wanted that thing torn down more than anybody. Amy: That's not the point. Sheriff: Well, it is kinda the point... Amy: There were more than 20 of us out there that day. I was 18. Naive. Clueless. Why did you pick on me? Sheriff: Cuz you were cute. Amy: Cute? Sheriff: You were wearing the cowboy boots and a little skirt. Well, I had to arrest somebody, so... (Amy laughs nervously) Amy: Well, I don't know what to say. I'm outraged. I am now outraged. You are looking at an outraged woman. Sorry. It must be the heat. Sheriff: I just, uh...I just wanted to apologize. It's good to see you again, Amy. Amy: (chuckles) Well... (Maria walks in) Maria: Mom. What are you doing here? Amy: Oh, hi Maria. Um, you know Jim. Maria: Jim? (Liz and Isabel are painting toenails together) Liz: So, um, what about guys? Cuz it kinda seems that you've got all these guys in school interested in you...like, practically every single one of them, but you kinda tend to keep pretty platonic. Isabel: Have you been researching me or something? Liz: No, I haven't been researching you. I just...I don't know, I was just kind of curious if there was a reason you don't move forward with any of it. If it's because of the fact that-- Isabel: Are you afraid...I mean, to let someone in? To let someone see who you really are? Liz: Yeah, of course I am. Isabel: Well, multiply that by about a million. Liz: Yeah, right. (Isabel glances over and sees that Liz is using clear nail polish. She touches her index finger to one of Liz's sandals) Isabel: Open your hand. (Isabel touches Liz's bottle of nail polish and the color turns into a shade of blue, matching Liz's sandals) Isabel: At least we can do cool stuff like that. Isabel: So, what's going on with your little friend Alex? Liz: Yeah, he's pretty upset. Isabel: Well, you've known him forever. What's the bottom line? Is he gonna cave? Liz: I don't know. I kinda wish i knew what was going on inside of him. Isabel: I'll look into it. Liz: What do you mean you're gonna "look into it"? Isabel: Nothing. Forget it. (Isabel goes to sleep using her power. She touches a picture of Alex in a yearbook and falls asleep. She wakes up in Alex's dream and follows him into this ballroom. Alex is waiting for his date and to Isabel's surprise, Alex's dream date is Isabel) Singer: We'll take it from here. Dream Isabel: Hello, Alex. Alex: Hello. Dream Isabel: Thank you for inviting me. Alex: My pleasure. I've been watching you and all you do for quite some time knowing all the ins and outs of you. I should have known what was on your mind but all the world is spinning round and round inside my head tonight. Dream Isabel: You really think of me? Alex: I think that underneath that beautiful exterior is an even more beautiful interior. But I have a feeling that not too many people get to see that interior, do they? Dream Isabel: No, they don't. Alex: Cuz it's too scary to show who you really are. You can show me. Dream Isabel: I can? Alex: Yeah. (The next morning, Max is arguing with Isabel about using her powers to enter Alex's dream) Max: I can't believe you did that. Isabel: Liz couldn't control the guy. I needed to know what was going on in there. Max: So, what did you find out? Isabel: I told you, it was confusing. Max: You were able to get in there, right? Isabel: Yeah, I got in there. Max: So, what happened? What was he dreaming about? Isabel: Well, he's a complex individual with...a lot of complexities. Max: Are you ok? Isabel: Yeah. Why? Max: Cuz you look a little flushed...like you're blushing. Isabel: It's the heat, all right? Max, I went in there. I saw some things. I'm not exactly sure what they meant. I'm walking around in somebody's subconscious. It's not a hard science. Max: Is there something you want to talk about? Did something happen in there? Isabel: Look, I can take care of the Alex situation. I saw what i needed to see, which is that...out of all the people involved, I'm the one who can control him. Just a little old fashioned charm. Max: You sure? Isabel: Yes, I'm sure. Max: You have everything... Isabel: Under control. Yes. (Max walks into the men's bathroom and finds Michael waiting) Max: Hey. Michael: Hey. Max: What's wrong? Maria? Michael: It has gotten complicated. Suddenly, she wants to know where I'm going after school. She wants to have conversations. She wants to talk about my feelings. And now, she wants to go to a party together. Max: That thing at the old soap factory? Michael: Right. Like suddenly the eraser room's not enough. I can't let this become a public thing. I mean, she should know that. But all week long I've had this weird feeling. Like I was gonna hurt her or something. That just being who I am is gonna hurt her. (Max is looking for Liz and finds her in the bio lab) Max: Hey. Liz: Hey, what's up? I'm just trying to get these stupid slugs to mate. Ah, come on! Won't you guys just do it? Max: Maybe one of 'em's gay. Liz: Max, you know when you said before that we couldn't be together? That we were different? I just sort of accepted it, you know? Because I thought that it was like physically impossible. That it...that it couldn't be. But when I saw Maria with Michael...the truth is that...I was hurt, Max. Why is it ok for them, but it's not ok for us? Max: Liz, I think that what I'm afraid of isn't that we try this and it works out really badly. What I'm afraid of is we try it and it works out really well. I'm afraid of feeling everything that I know I would feel. Because I know it's not meant to be. And somewhere down the line, we're gonna get hurt. I can live with that. I just couldn't bear to hurt you. Liz: But that's not your decision, is it? Max: I guess not. Bio Teacher: Hey, Liz. How are you doing on your mating ritual? Liz: I was doing just fine. [SCENE_BREAK] (Isabel finds Alex in a hallway at school) Isabel: Hey, Alex. Alex: Uh uh hi. Isabel: You look good today. Alex: I do? Oh, thanks. Isabel: So, tonight...that party everyone's talking about, you interested? Alex: Yeah. Yeah, sure. Tell me how it goes. Isabel: Interested in going? (Isabel unbuttons the top button on Alex's shirt) Isabel: Meet me there at 8:00. (At the rave at the old soap factory) Liz: Maria! Maria: Hey! Liz: Hey. Um...have you seen Max anywhere? He was supposed to meet me here. Maria: Uh, no. I'll talk to you later, ok? Liz: Oh, hey, Alex! Punk: All right, Octavio, let's whip this party into shape. Alex: Isabel! Isabel: Alex! Alex: Hey! Isabel: Hey! You look...you look great. (Isabel unbuttons Alex's top shirt button) Alex: You, too. You know, I like the way you look in red. Isabel: I know you do. Alex: So, listen, just to...to clarify, when...when you asked me to come to this party tonight, did you mean like come with you or...or was it more just like letting me know that this party existed, you know? Because that would be amazing in and of itself. I'm...I'm just curious. Isabel: You wanna go someplace? Alex: Go...go someplace? Isabel: To talk. Alex: Oh, talk. Yeah, sure...sure. (Some punks are trying to set up a sound system) Punk: Whoa! Excellent! Punk: Babe-o-rama. Hey. Liz: Hey. Punk: Do you ever do, uh, jello shooters? Liz: No, thank you. Punk: Go on, try one. Maybe, uh, loosen you up. Maybe later we could check out the roof together. Max: She said no, thank you. Punk: Sorry, dude. Didn't know she was taken. Liz: I thought maybe you changed your mind. Max: I've been waiting for this for a long time. (At a secluded part of the soap factory, Maria confronts Michael) Maria: You've been ignoring me the whole night. Look, I'm not some pollyanna, ok? I don't think what we have is true love. I don't know what we have. I just...I don't understand why you have to avoid me. It hurts, that's all. (Michael is silent) Maria: Fine. Good-bye. (Maria turns to leave) Michael: I just don't really do this. Maria: Don't do what? Michael: Get intense like this. Maria: I'm not getting intense. Michael: Yes, you are. Maria: Well, you got pretty intense the other night at the Crashdown. Michael: Sorry, I can't get this involved. I'm alone, and that's the way it's gotta be. Maybe we should've never started this. Maria: I'm gonna go outside and get some air. (At another secluded part of the soap factory, Isabel and Alex sit down to chat) Isabel: You're a really, really good guy, Alex. Alex: Oh, thank you, Isabel. Thank you. Isabel: No, really. I mean, most guys are just disgusting animals whose sole purpose in life is to try to maul me. But you're different. Alex: I am? I mean, I am! Yeah. Oh, yeah. I just...I don't see you that way, Isabel. Not that i wouldn't want to... Isabel: I think I know how you feel. Alex: You do? Isabel: Yeah...which is why I think I know that I can trust you. Alex: Trust me? Isabel: Yeah, we all can. Liz, Max, all of us. Alex: So that's what this is about. Isabel: What? Alex: You brought me here tonight to find out what I said to Valenti? Isabel: Alex... Alex: Oh, how could I even believe that you were actually interested in me? Oh, I've been such a fool. (Alex walks off) (Max and Liz are having fun at the rave) (Across town, Sheriff Valenti and Amy De Luca are having dinner together) Amy: The truth is...I think I was just a bit upset when that Topolsky person called me. Maria and I aren't as close as we used to be. Sheriff: I'm never sure what's going on with Kyle these days. I mean, there was a time before Michelle and I broke up... Amy: I know, I know. Maria used to tell me every single detail of her life. We'd have these long, intense conversations and...you know, and now she's just so guarded, I...take the whole Alex situation... Sheriff: Alex? Amy: Alex Whitman. Maria, Liz, and Alex used to be inseparable. They'd go everywhere together, do everything...she hardly even speaks to him now. She has not seen him in weeks. And she won't tell me what it's about. Waiter: Sheriff. Uh, there's a phone call for you. It's an emergency. Sheriff: Yeah? All right. I'm on my way. Sheriff (to Amy): Amy, I am so sorry about this. There's been a disturbance across town. Amy: Oh, it's ok. (Max and Liz go outside for a little more privacy) Max: It's uh, it's a little quieter out here. Liz: Yeah. It's more private. Max: So... Liz: So...let's hope nothing explodes. (As Liz and Max move to kiss, Kyle sees them and interrupts) Kyle: Hi! Enjoying the party? (Sirens sound as fire trucks and police cars arrive at the rave) Max: Let's get outta here! Fireman: Boys, evacuate! (Liz and Max go back into the soap factory to look for Michael and Isabel) Max: Let's get Michael and Isabel and get outta here! Liz: Right. (Liz looks for Isabel and/or Michael and runs into Alex) Liz: Alex. Where's Isabel? Alex: What's going on? Liz: We have to get out of here. Alex: What? Liz: We have to get outta here. Punk: Here, take these. (Punk hands Liz and Alex each a bottle of liquor) Alex: Liz! Sheriff: I need you 2 to come with me. (Sheriff arrests Liz, Alex, and the Punks as Max looks back in concern) (In the jail cell, one of the punks belches) Punk: Good one, dude. Liz: Alex. Alex: Forget it, Liz. Liz: I'm really sorry. Alex: Don't talk to me, please. Liz: This is gonna be ok. Alex: Liz, will you shut up! Punk: Dude...relax. This has happened to me like 10 times, man. Your parents are gonna be here in no time. Deputy: Lyons, Coleman, Kalinowski, and Baker. Rise and shine! Parents are here. Punk (to Alex): You see, I told you they'd come. Now look. They say a bond forms when you do time together. I love you, man. Punk (to Liz): Ditto. Liz: I think it has to be longer than 2 hours. Punk: See you around. Liz: Where are our parents? Sheriff: They all agreed with me. Some time in jail might make the 2 of you remember what your priorities are. Or maybe even just one of you. Liz: Alex. Alex: Liz... Liz: No, Alex, this is not as bad as it seems, I promise. Ok, we just...the 2 of us, we need to get our stories straight. Alex: Liz! I'm in jail, ok? I'm now in jail! I'm through lying! Liz: Alex... (Outside the police station, one of the punks is trying to convince his father that they were innocent) Punk: Obviously, it's not our fault, all right. They kept the other guys, not us. Isabel: He let everybody else go except Liz and Alex. We are so screwed. Max: It's gonna be ok. Isabel: We should have told him. Max: What? Isabel: Alex. We should have told him about us. I...I know this sounds crazy, Max, but I feel something about him...like, he's ok...like, we'd be better off including him. (Back inside the jail cells) Liz: Alex...Alex...Alex, I just need to talk to you. Uh, I just want to... Alex: Let me just ask you...did you arrange that whole Isabel thing? Liz: What...what Isabel thing? Alex: You know, I mean, uh...her trying to seduce me into keeping quiet? Liz: I don't know anything about that, Alex, I swear. Alex: Cuz it's...cuz it's just low, you know? I mean, she's just low. And I'm done. I'm done protecting you...or her, or anyone else you're associated with. Cuz I'm telling Sheriff Valenti everything. Verbatim. About replacing Max's blood at the hospital, discovering Topolsky was FBI, everything. Liz: No, look, look, Alex...look, listen to me. You had just...you should just know all of the facts before you do something like this. Alex: Well, I thought you said it wasn't your secret to tell. Liz: Alex, the reason that Isabel did whatever it is that she did is not that she's low, she's just...she's scared. Alex: Scared. Liz: Yes. Alex: Scared of what? Liz: She...she's scared of being different. Alex: Oh, come on. Save it. Liz: Alex...Max and Michael and Isabel, they are different from us. They're different from us in a way that, if the wrong people found out, they would be in a lot of trouble. Alex: I know the whole drugs thing is a load of crap, Liz. I mean, why would the FBI be so interested in 3 kids into drugs? Liz: No, Alex, listen to me. This doesn't have anything to do with drugs. Alex...Max, Michael, and Isabel...they aren't from around here. Alex: Where are they from? (Liz points up) Alex: What? Like, Wyoming? (Liz points higher up) Alex: Oh...ok, fine. Canada. They're Canucks. So what, you're saying the FBI is all over them because they're like...illegal aliens? Liz: Yeah, sort of. Listen, Alex...they're from somewhere else. Alex: Liz, what are you talking about? Liz: God, there isn't any way for me to say this, but to just...but to just say this, ok? Look, Alex...they think they were in the 1947 crash. Ok, they were like in these incubation pods for a really long time...like 40 years, and they came out in like the form of humans...and now all of these people suspect them. That's why Topolsky's here, and that's why Valenti arrested us, and that's why we're here because he knows that I'm involved. I'm really sorry, Alex, but...you're involved, too. Alex: Liz, are you ok? Liz: Alex...you don't even understand. The past few months have been like absolute torture lying to you. I will never, ever lie to you again. I promise. (Sheriff comes down to interrogate Alex) Sheriff: Whitman! Sleep all right? What say we go down to my office? Alex: No. Right here. I'm ready to talk. Sheriff: All right. I wanna know what your involvement is with Liz, Max, Michael, and Isabel. And I wanna know what happened with Ms. Topolsky. (Alex takes a look at Liz and then looks back at Sheriff Valenti) Alex: I'm ready to talk about the fact that i'm a kid. I'm 16 years old. I'm a sophomore in high school, so what could I possibly have to do with a teacher leaving? What does any of this have to do with you, anyway? Sheriff: I'm just doing my job, son. Alex: I was at a party! And my only wish was that while I was there, I engaged in some sort of depraved activity, like drinking or s*x, but I didn't. I didn't break any laws. Sheriff: Everybody who was at that party was trespassing on private property, and both of you were minors in possession of alcohol. Alex: This has nothing to do with that party, does it? Sheriff, I want out of here...right now. I demand it, or I'm going to get a lawyer and I'm going to sue for abusive treatment of a minor. I may be 16, but I know my rights. (Liz and Alex come out of the police station thanks to Alex's persuasiveness) Liz: Alex, you were amazing. Alex: Well, yeah. Yeah, I was. Liz: Uh, so...um, how do you feel? You know, about what I said? Alex: Well, part of me, uh...part of me feels like you've gone insane, and the other part of me feels like I want some of the massive doses of hallucinogens you've obviously been taking. But...I don't believe in aliens. Liz: Neither did I...you don't believe me, do you? Alex: I believe that you believe. Leave it at that. Liz: Ok. (Alex and Liz hug) Alex: Get home safe. Liz: Ok. Alex: See you at school. (Alex walks off) (Liz is on the roof writing in her journal) Voice-Over: The heat wave finally broke and I'm probably the only person in Roswell who didn't benefit from it. But it's for the best. Because if Max Evans and I had given in to temptation, if we had kissed each other even once, it would have taken us somewhere we both know we never should have gone. Max: Liz! Are you there? (Liz walks over to the edge of the roof and looks down to see Max) Max: Hi. Liz: Hi. Max: Can I come up? Liz: Yeah, sure. (Max climbs up the ladder very quickly) Liz: Very impressive. Max: I try. Liz: You really can't stay long. Max: I know. I just wanted to tell you that I've been thinking a lot about last night. Liz: Yeah, me, too. Max: When I saw Valenti taking you away like that...it just hit home for me, you know? How much knowing me has screwed up your life. Liz: No, it's just the opposite. Max: Thank you for saying that. Liz: It's the whole truth, Max. Max: I better go. Liz: Why? Max: Cuz if I don't go right now, things are gonna change. Liz: Change, how? Max: I'm gonna have to touch your hair...cuz it's so soft...and I'd have to tell you that...no matter what we go through, it's all worthwhile for me because we're together. Liz: And then? Max: And then...I'd have to do this... (Max gives Liz a light kiss) (Scene fades out as Liz and Max share a long, passionate kiss)

Max is injured in a car accident and Liz pressures Alex to help protect him from medical procedures that could expose his identity by providing blood samples to replace Max's.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_06x16

fd_Gilmore_Girls_06x16_0

LUKE'S DINER [It's busy and Luke is serving customs there meals, Lane is doing something at the counter] LUKE: Lane, we're getting backed up here. LANE: Done in a sec. [Lorelai comes in the front door] LUKE: Hey. LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: No bacon today. I had to fire my meat guy. LORELAI: How could you fire pepper pot? He's so cute, and his mother has that skin condition they can't diagnose. LUKE: He never brings what I order. I have 16 pounds of corned beef and no turkey. [Lorelai goes to the counter and sits, Luke continues to work] LORELAI: He's so sweet, and his father has that foot-grafting operation coming up next month. LUKE: I can't keep a guy on because his parents are falling apart. LORELAI: I know, but he tells those funny little limericks, and his sisters were surgically separated two weeks ago. [Kirk is sitting next to Lorelai and start is sniff Lorelai] What are you doing, Kirk? KIRK: Did you just eat a 3 musketeers? LORELAI: No. KIRK: You really smell like nougat. LUKE: Stop sniffing my fianc e. KIRK: I can't help it my senses are more finely tuned these days. LORELAI: What is the scary man talking about? LUKE: He's on a juice fast. LORELAI: Why? KIRK: Wanted to clean out the pipes, refocus the arteries. I want to get the healthy glow of someone who consistently goes to the gym...without having to go to the gym of course. LORELAI: Of course. You look positively radiant. LUKE: You want eggs? KIRK: [Slowly like he is hungry] Eggs... LORELAI: Err, scrambled and a couple pancakes, please. KIRK: [Quietly to Lorelai] Blueberry pancakes, blueberry pancakes. LORELAI: Kirk, eat something. KIRK: What? Oh, no, I'm doing fine. LORELAI: Yeah, okay. [To Luke] Hold on there, speed racer. LUKE: I have to get these orders [To Lane] since I'm the only one serving here. LANE: Almost done, Luke. LORELAI: I just want to remind you about Rory's panel... LUKE: What? LORELAI: Ah the panel I'm going to today, the young voices of journalism panel. LUKE: Rory's thing? LORELAI: Well, it looks like Christopher is going to be there, also, and I just thought you should know. LUKE: He's been showing up a lot lately. LORELAI: He's trying to make good... for Rory, so... LUKE: I'm good. I'll get you those pancakes. KIRK: Blueberry pancakes. Blueberry pancakes! LANE: Okay, what do you think? LORELAI: [Gasps] Oh, nice. Very "white rabbit." LANE: Well, I want it to stand out. LORELAI: It does. It's great. LANE: What do you think of the picture? LORELAI: The picture's great. What's wrong with the picture? LANE: I photograph so Asian. LORELAI: Yeah, well, I think Ming-Na has that same problem. LANE: I have to get back in a band. I'm going crazy not playing. LORELAI: I can imagine. LANE: You go from having band practice every day and seeing [Choking up a little] certain people every day, and then suddenly you're not. LORELAI: You mean Zach? LANE: And Brian and Gil. LORELAI: Yeah. You guys still aren't talking? [Lane shakes her head] Well, the flyer is great. LANE: Thanks. LORELAI: I like the shiny, fancy pens you used. LANE: They're Luke's daughters, actually. She left them here last week, and I snagged them. LORELAI: Good score. [Chuckles] So she's been coming around a lot lately, huh? LANE: Yeah, she comes in here and studies or draws. We even play some games when things get slow. She kicks my ass at scrabble. LORELAI: Oh, yeah? LANE: When we play Monopoly, I rule, because she's a kid and hasn't gotten the monopoly concept. She still thinks park place is a good buy. LORELAI: Sweet. LANE: Yeah. LORELAI: Huh...I used to play board games with Rory a lot. She'd get very upset when I'd cheat. Huh, so cute. LANE: It's hard to cheat with April. She spends the first 20 minutes reading the rules manual right in front of you. LORELAI: Rory was obsessed with battleship. I always thought she was gonna join the navy when she grew up. LANE: Well, there's still time. LORELAI: Yes, fingers crossed. LUKE: [Walking up to them] Hey, Lane, how about a raise? LANE: Sorry, Luke. [To Lorelai] I got to go. KIRK: Peach shampoo? [Lorelai moves down one stool away from Kirk.] OPENING CREDITS YALE NEWSROOM JONI: You hate it. RORY: Joni I don't, and I promise I'm gonna run it. I just need you to cut about 400 words. Don't give me that look. Simplify your prose. You'll still get your point across, and I won't have to publish a newspaper the size of a David Foster Wallace novel. [Comes to Paris's desk] Paris? PARIS: Yes? RORY: I wanted to give you some notes on your campus safety piece. PARIS: Fine. RORY: Um, well, I think it's good. It's really good, actually, um, but the lead's a little flabby. Getting into an example might give it more punch up top. PARIS: If you say so. Anything else? RORY: Uh, some of the quotes read too long. I'd cut two or three and trim, Paris, what are you doing? PARIS: I don't know. What am I doing? RORY: You're not making eye contact with me. PARIS: I'm looking right at you. RORY: No, you're not. PARIS: Want to test me? Brown hair, blue eyes. RORY: Here's your hard copy. I think those notes will help. PARIS: Of course you do. They're your notes. RORY: Not because they're my notes, because they're good notes. PARIS: Says the note giver. It'll take half an hour. RORY: Fine. [walks away from Paris] That was unpleasant. DOYLE: Try sleeping with her. RORY: I'll take your word for it. DOYLE: No, it's impossible because she doesn't sleep anymore. She makes damn sure I don't, either. Last night she decided it would be fun to watch "Saw II" at 3:00 in the morning. Then when I woke up and asked her if she could turn it down, she berated me for being a film snob. RORY: How are you handling it? DOYLE: I believe the term for it is "keeping my mouth shut." RORY: I don't know what to do with her. She's one of the best reporters we have, but she has gone way beyond her normal level of nuts. DOYLE: She's on the warpath right now. She'll calm down. She just needs some time. RORY: You know, maybe I could give her more to do. That piece she just wrote would make a great series. Giving her something like that might help her rebound faster, make her the normal Paris again. What do you think. DOYLE: Um, sure. RORY: That wasn't very convincing. DOYLE: It's your call. RORY: Doyle come on former editor to current editor. What do you think? DOYLE: [Sighs] Would you do that for any other staffer who was treating you the way she is? RORY: No. DOYLE: Look I have more interest in Paris snapping out of this than anyone. I think it's something she's gonna get to on her own. RORY: Yeah... Yeah, you're probably right. DOYLE: I got to go. I'm gonna sneak back to the apartment, see if I can get a few hours of sleep before Paris comes home and spends the rest of the night wanting to play the jazz trumpet. Yeah, she bought a trumpet. LANE: Hey, Lou. Okay if I put an ad up? SOPHIE'S MUSIC SHOP [Live banjo music is playing, Lane comes in] LOU: They come down after two weeks. LANE: I can abide by that. ZACH: [Singing] Take me riding in the car, car take me riding in the car, car take me riding in the car, car I'll take you riding in the car. [Notices someone asleep in the small audience, not singing] Joel. JOEL: Mom, come on. That's not cool. ZACH: [Singing] Click-clack, open up the door, girls click-clack, open up the door, boys front door, back door, clickety-clack. [He notices Land leaving. Music stops] Joel, take it. JOEL: Take what? ZACH: The song. Take it. [Zach gets up] JOEL: Well, unh! Yeah! [Tambourine jingles & rock and roll] Unh! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Come on! [Zach goes to the notice board and rips down what Lane put up] LOGAN'S APARTMENT ["Kool Thing" by Sonic Youth plays loudly, Rory is checking her outfit in the mirror.] LOGAN: Hey. [Rory cant hear him] [Music "Now you know you're sure looking pretty"] RORY: Aah! Oh, you scared me. LOGAN: Sorry. RORY: What? LOGAN: Sorry! RORY: What?! [Logan turns the volume down] LOGAN: Sorry. RORY: I guess that was a little loud. LOGAN: What?! RORY: Sorry! LOGAN: I'm telling you, we should take this on the road. [Rory giggles] I see you went with Faye Dunaway in "network." RORY: And Maureen Dowd "come hither" pumps for good measure. LOGAN: I wish I could be there for you. RORY: Oh, you do not. LOGAN: I do, too. RORY: You'd be asleep in three minutes. LOGAN: The pumps would've kept me going for at least four. [Finishes a drink] I'm in a suit at 2:00 in the afternoon. Honor has to have everyone dressed for a wedding rehearsal. How'd I get conned into this? RORY: Into what? LOGAN: Being one of Josh's groomsmen. RORY: You like Josh. LOGAN: I don't even know Josh. RORY: He's gonna be your brother-in-law. LOGAN: Yes, exactly "going to be". Key word is "going." He's not now. RORY: Your tie is crooked. LOGAN: [Sighs] But as of today, josh is simply the guy who holds my sister's purse when she goes shopping, and because of that, I have to spend the next six hours practicing to walk in a straight line. RORY: You have yet to accomplish that, so practice wouldn't hurt. LOGAN: [Sighs] I'm not there, and I'm bored already. RORY: You can always talk to your good friend "flasky". LOGAN: Right. Thanks for the reminder. I just don't understand wedding rehearsals. The bachelor party, I get. RORY: I bet you do. LOGAN: The actual ceremony, I get. But the rehearsal, I don't get. RORY: Wallet. LOGAN: And after we finish rehearsing, I have to sit through a 5-course dinner surrounded by my new family and honor's brigade of moronic bridesmaids. RORY: Oh, come on, you love honor. Her friends can't be that bad. LOGAN: Oh, no. Blondie, dipsy, bubbles, four nose jobs, charm McGee, all great gals. RORY: Meow. LOGAN: Can't you just do the panel, blow off the mixer, and meet me for the dinner? RORY: Logan, come on. By the time I get out of there and get back here to change, drive all the way to New York, dinner would be over. LOGAN: No, it wouldn't. Dinner's never gonna be over. It's gonna last forever. RORY: I will be here waiting for you when you get back, and I will have aspirin. LOGAN: Fine. I'll be back by 11:00 ten to 11:00, possibly 10:30. RORY: Go. LOGAN: Fine. RORY: Did you forget something? [They share a long kiss] LOGAN: You look incredible. Knock 'em dead. [They kiss again] [Door closes, Rory goes to the remote and turns the volume up.] AUDIENCE FOR THE EDITORS PANEL [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Hey. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. [He kisses her on the cheek] LORELAI: Nice seats. CHRISTOPHER: I got here early and scouted out the best ones. [They sit down] We were more towards the middle, but then two people, I'm pretty sure it was Brigitte Nielsen and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, sat right in front of me. LORELAI: Brigitte and Kareem showed up, huh? CHRISTOPHER: I swear, any place with free cheese and crackers, they are there. CHRISTOPHER: You look nice. LORELAI: Thanks. CHRISTOPHER: I think this haircut cost more than all the haircuts I've had in my life combined. LORELAI: Hmm. Well, it was worth it. It looks very, very short. RORY: Mom, dad. LORELAI: The woman of the hour. RORY: You made it. CHRISTOPHER: Of course we did. RORY: [Lorelai and Rory huge] Careful! The hair, it's pinned perfectly. CHRISTOPHER: Whoa. LORELAI: Yeah. Sorry... So, are you excited? RORY: Yeah, and nervous. I've got a lot of talking points. I feel like I'm gonna get up there and forget everything. CHRISTOPHER: You're gonna do great, hon. LORELAI: Yeah, you are. You're a natural at this kind of thing. And just remember if things don't go well, we will stop loving you. RORY: I better get up there. I'll see you guys afterwards. LORELAI: Yeah. We'll be rooting for you. RORY: It's not really a root-for-me kinda thing, but thank you. LORELAI: Well, we brought foam fingers. CHRISTOPHER: We're doing the wave if things get dull. LORELAI: Yeah. [They take there seats, Lorelai offers a Dud to Chris] Dud? GORDON: Welcome, everybody, to the young voices of journalism panel. I'm Arthur Gordon, a professor of English here at Yale, and I shall be moderating today's panel. We're joined today by the editors of the country's most prestigious collegiate newspapers. CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] Whoo-hoo! [Lorelai taps Chris on the arm] GORDON: We have before us editors from the Harvard Crimson, the Daily Princetonian, the Cornell Daily Sun, the Daily Pennsylvanian, and the Yale Daily News all here today to tell us what's on their minds, to hear where they think ivy-league journalism is heading, and more broadly, to share their views on the future of the free press in America. LORELAI: [To Chris] Whoa. Heavy. GORDON: I will begin by posing a series of questions to our panel. Now let's begin. I was wondering how the panelists would describe the state of journalistic ethics on a collegiate level in the post-Judy Miller era, and... QUENTIN: Wonderful question. Quentin Walsh, Daily Princetonian. The ramifications of the scandal to which you obliquely alluded ought not to be underestimated. CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] I hate this guy already. LORELAI: Rory told me about him. That's "pompous Princeton guy." CHRISTOPHER: Well if your parents name you that, what chance do you have? [Lorelai giggles] QUENTIN: The struggle to preserve the fundamental principles and rights upon which our free press depends was made far more difficult by the choice of certain reporters who shall remain unnamed [Laughs] To capitulate to governmental pressure and divulge their sources. LORELAI: He's unbelievable. CHRISTOPHER: He's wearing a bow tie. LORELAI: Should I dud him? QUENTIN: I myself have, on occasion, felt tremendous pressure to divulge unnamed sources, but I've stood my ground, knowing that while I may suffer for my principled stand, there was a much greater issue at stake. RORY: If I may? Rory Gilmore, Yale Daily News. While I agree there is no greater or more important tool for a free press than confidential sources, I also think it unwise for us to presume from our limited experiences editing college newspapers that we really have any true understanding of what it must feel like when the Federal Government of the United States puts the screws to you. I just think it would be the height of hubris for us to claim that we know what we would do when faced with that kind of pressure. But that's just one reporter's opinion. LORELAI: We created her. CHRISTOPHER: Out of thin air. [Later at the Panel discussion.] RORY: I just don't care how funny the picture is. If it's not newsworthy and I can't see how it would be, I would not publish a picture of the university president stuffing his face with key lime pie at the drama club bake sale. GORDON: I'm sure president Levin will be pleased to hear that. [Laughter from the audience.] RORY: If someone pushed key lime pie in the president's face as a statement, that I would print. QUENTIN: Me, too, front page. RORY: Quentin, you agreed with me. I didn't think you were capable. [Laughter from the audience.] GORDON: On that note calendula, we have to end our discussion. I'd like to thank all our panelists for a terrific discussion and thank you all for coming. LORELAI: Our girl's got skills. CHRISTOPHER: She even had her archrival laughing with her by the end. LORELAI: She's keeping her enemies close and giggling. CHRISTOPHER: Very devious. RORY: So? LORELAI: If I had a cooler of Gatorade, I'd pour it over your head. RORY: Sounds refreshing. So, I was pretty good, wasn't I? LORELAI: You dazzled. CHRISTOPHER: You totally wiped the floor with "pompous Princeton guy". RORY: Well, the floor looked a little dirty. LORELAI: So, can we take you out for an ice-cream soda? RORY: Sorry. I gotta go we have this editors' mixer thing now. Rain check? LORELAI: Yeah, go. Mix well. CHRISTOPHER: Bye, hon. RORY: Bye. LORELAI: We were just rain-checked. CHRISTOPHER: Yep. LORELAI: I don't know how I feel about that. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, so I kept track, wrote 'em down. I got 16 words that she used that I have never heard before. LORELAI: Perspicacious? CHRISTOPHER: 17 words that I have never heard before. My god, she's smart. LORELAI: She is smart. She's Anthony Michael hall in "breakfast club" smart. CHRISTOPHER: I'm very proud and mystified. [Pager beeps] LORELAI: Well, me, baby, all me. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, it's my new nanny. LORELAI: Oh, does sienna know about this? CHRISTOPHER: Actually, this is the fourth new nanny in six months. I'm telling you, pickings are slim out there for someone decent to look after your kid. LORELAI: I think that's why they invented parents. CHRISTOPHER: Ah, crap, she can't work Sunday. LORELAI: What's going on Sunday? CHRISTOPHER: I promised my mother I'd take her to the cemetery to visit my dad's grave. I'm thinking it might not be the thrill for G.G. That it's gonna be for the rest of us. LORELAI: Not without noisemakers, it won't. CHRISTOPHER: This s single parent stuff. LORELAI: Fun, huh? CHRISTOPHER: I tell you, I can't wait till G.G. Starts school. LORELAI: G.G.'s starting school? You're so old. Where is she gonna go? CHRISTOPHER: Not sure yet. These snotty private schools are impossible. There are waiting lists and psychological tests and blood samples and sworn oaths and dark back-room promises, and every single headmistress looks like Dick Cheney. LORELAI: You can always send her to public school. CHRISTOPHER: Yes, I could, if I wanted to kill my mother. LORELAI: Well, you will be at the cemetery tomorrow. CHRISTOPHER: Lor. LORELAI: [Chuckles] You know um, If you're ever stuck and you need somebody to watch her, I'd be happy to fill in. CHRISTOPHER: Really? LORELAI: Yeah, I'm fun. I like Teletubbies. CHRISTOPHER: Sober? LORELAI: [Scoffs] I have got plenty of Rory's old books and games, and I'm totally at your service. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, well, I just may take you up on that. LORELAI: Good. CHRISTOPHER: So, what does "perspicacious" mean? LORELAI: I don't know. "Persp", to perspire? Am I close? CHRISTOPHER: Close enough for me. BAT MITZVAH [Band plays introduction to "Hollaback Girl", Zach walks in and listens as they play.] GIL: [Singing] So, that's right, dude meet me at the bleachers no principals, no student teachers both of us want to be the winner but there can only be one so, I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you that's right, I'm the last one standing another one bites the dust a few times I've been around that track so it's not just gonna happen like that I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl A few times I've been around that track so it's not just gonna happen like that 'cause I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh [Cheers and applause] GIL: Thank you, everyone. That's our Bat Mitzvah girl Julia Lowman's favorite song in the world, and I can see why, because it's full of strong female attitude, which I dig. Let me tell you, Julia, guys are turned on by that. Don't think they aren't. They like girls with legs and brains, like smart biker chicks, you know? So keep on the path you're on, keep up with school, and, baby, you're going places. [Applause] I see the cake coming out of the kitchen, everybody, so we're gonna break for a couple minutes to sugar up. Back in a few. ZACH: Hey, guys. BRIAN: [To Gil] I think you used too much whammy bar during "my humps." GIL: I was out of control. ZACH: So, you guys aren't gonna talk to me? BRIAN: What's there to talk about? GIL: Yeah, man. You're way deep in my bogus bag, and it's zip locked shut. ZACH: Well, you guys sounded great. GIL: Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's a West Hartford Bat Mitzvah, not the Albert Hall. Well, a gig's a gig. ZACH: Totally. A gig's a gig. This crowd is lucky. I'm telling you, it was tight. You could've played that at the Albert Hall... [To Brian] So, uh, I reached a new level on Soulcalibur 3. BRIAN: Uh-huh. ZACH: Level 50 assassin. BRIAN: Really? ZACH: Yeah I just low-kicked my way through and chalked up a mess of perfects. BRIAN: You're gonna take the sword master mantel soon. ZACH: But you're, like, the original sword master. BRIAN: I beat the last boss. Hit him middle, high, middle, low, middle, high. Took forever to figure out all his specials. ZACH: I know. I was sitting next to you when you did it. It was awesome... Listen, this thing with us, I want to fix it. GIL: It's too late. ZACH: It's not. Look, I know I was an idiot. If I could turn back time, I would. BRIAN: Oh, hey, "turn back time." We should add that to the set. Cher is always a slam dunk. ZACH: I want to get the band back together. We were going somewhere, you know? About to play for a label, and, well, I miss you guys. I don't mean to get all "Brokeback Mountain" on you, but we're buds, you know, and I miss you, and you're not gonna believe it, but that kid over there is about to down a whole cup of maraschino cherries. GIL: That's Aton, the Feldman's boy. BRIAN: He's gonna do it, man. He's gonna do it. KIDS: [Chanting] Go, go, go! Yay! GIL: He did it! ZACH: I didn't think he had it in him. BRIAN: He is gonna be puking. ZACH: So, what do you say, guys? You want to re-form Hep Alien? GIL: Maybe, if you can get lane. BRIAN: She'll never come back. ZACH: Leave lane to me. I'm gonna reason with her. BRIAN: Well, if lane's in, I'm in. GIL: Me, too. Hep Alien has got to rock again. ZACH: Cool. [The 3 of them shake hands together] MAN: Excuse me, Gilbert. [Talks in Gil's ear] GIL: Oh it's time for the big one. BRIAN: Let's do it. ZACH: Kick ass, guys. GIL: All right. Let's bring this whole mishpachah down to the dance floor, 'cause it's time to rock-a-dila! Hava naGila, hava naGila, hava naGila, venis'mecha, hava naGila, hava naGila, hava naGila, venis'mecha [Zach, dances in the crowd] HONOR'S WEDDING [Logan and Rory enter] RORY: This place is like a labyrinth. LOGAN: Well if you get lost, keep your hand on the wall and keep walking. You'll find your way out or get eaten by a Minotaur. RORY: Thanks, chum. LOGAN: Josh, my man, what's going on? JOSHONOR: My cuff links have been stolen. LOGAN: Don't worry. I'm good at finding things. At Easter-egg hunts, they used to make me wear an eye patch to keep things fair. JOSHONOR: Okay, but I suspect thievery. LOGAN: You sure you'll be okay hanging out by yourself for a while? RORY: For at least a fortnight. I'm good. Go, put on your eye patch, and find some cuff links. [They Kiss] LOGAN: I'll see you later. Come on, josh. Dead man walking! RORY: Excuse me. I'm trying to find the library. MAN: Oh, sure, it's in the east wing. HONOR: Rory! RORY: Oh, hey, bride. You look beautiful. HONOR: You like my wedding sweats? [They giggle] I'm beginning think town & country might not approve. RORY: How are you doing? HONOR: Okay. You have to come back and hang out with me and the bridesmaids. RORY: Oh, that's sweet, but I can't. I have all this work. SOFIA: Ladies, come on. Makeup time. And whoever took Josh's cuff links, hand them over. HONOR: Look, the girls have cracked open a case of champagne. I need you to be my designated dresser. I'm the bride, you can't say no to a bride. It's bad luck. RORY: I guess I can do my work tomorrow. HONOR: That's always been my motto. Come on. All day, if anyone does something I don't want them to, I'm saying it's bad luck. I swear, getting married is so fabulous! [They go into the dressing room] HONOR: Everybody, so, this is my lovely friend Rory. Rory is gonna hang out with us while we get ready. Some of you might have met at the shower, but this is Alexandra, Walker, Megan, and Claude. [They all say Hi.] WALKER: Welcome to the final hours of honor's maidenhood. ALEXANDRA: Yeah right, Honor's maidenhood didn't make it to upper school at Brearley. HONOR: Not true. Turks and Caicos -- 1996. MEGAN: Anyway, we're here to celebrate these last precious hours before we lose Honor to the dark side. WALKER: And to celebrate, we drink booze. [Together, Whoo!] HONOR: Not me. I'm having one glass right before the ceremony. ALEXANDRA: Whatever you need to tell yourself. CLAUDE: Ooh, I love that dress, Rory. RORY: Oh, thanks. MEGAN: Is that Carolina's? RORY: Um, no, it's mine. HONOR: Oh, Rory, this is Italo. Italo's a total genius. If they gave Macarthur grants for hair, he'd get one. WOMAN: Okay, girls, I need to get you in these chairs pronto. WALKER: Bridezilla? HONOR: [Laughs] Okay, but just one now and one right before the ceremony. ALEXANDRA: Whatever you need to tell yourself. HONOR: I need it to make a toast. [Clears throat] To friends, old and new, borrowed and blue. You guys are awesome. [Together, Yay!] WALKER: To honor and to honor's honor. The missing maidenhood. [Cheering and laughing] [SCENE_BREAK] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Doorbell rings] LORELAI: Hi. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. LORELAI: What's all this? CHRISTOPHER: G.G.'S pillow. Here's her blanket and duvet cover. LORELAI: Err, what no mattress and box spring? CHRISTOPHER: She never goes anywhere without her duvet cover. She calls it her scrunchy-bunchy because she likes to scrunch it... LORELAI: and bunch it. Hey I get it. Um, did you forget the kid? CHRISTOPHER: Oh, uh, G.G. come on, honey. LORELAI: What's she chasing? CHRISTOPHER: Oh, that's a cat. LORELAI: Err, just so you know, that cat bites, scratches, and sprays, and I'm pretty sure it's in heat. CHRISTOPHER: G.G.? Come on, sweetie. Right now. [G.G. Comes to the door] LORELAI: Hey, kiddo. I'm so excited to hang out with you today. CHRISTOPHER: G.G., You want to give Lorelai a hug? G.G.: [Yelling] No! [She drops her jacket, takes the scrunchy-bunchy and runs into the living room] CHRISTOPHER: G.G., Please come back here and pick up your jacket. G.G.? LORELAI: I'll get it for you. CHRISTOPHER: Thanks again for doing this. I really appreciate it. LORELAI: Please. I'm looking forward to it. I managed to find UNO and checkers and parts of battleship and most of the pieces of candy land, which I figure we can mix together to create a fabulous new game, candy ship battle land. War never tasted so good. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, then. Well, I'm off. [Chris kisses Lorelai on the cheek] LORELAI: Go. Get out of here. [Chuckles, closes the door and goes to find G.G. , Gasps] You already figured how to turn on the TV on? You smarty. [Sits on the couch next to her] So, what are we watching? G.G.: Shh! [Which makes Lorelai back off] LORELAI: "Shhhhh-indler's list"? [Chuckles] Oh, "Full House." You know, I think the Olsen twins weigh less now than they did on that show. [G.G. looks at Lorelai] Right. I get it. I don't like it when people talk to me when I'm watching TV either. HONOR'S WEDDING - DRESSING ROOM [The bridesmaids are dressed and standing around, drinking] HONOR: Okay, so I don't look obese? MEGAN: You look like a skeleton. WALKER: A beautiful, blushing skeleton. HONOR: Whoa. RORY: What? HONOR: All of a sudden the idea of marriage seems totally archaic and insane. Legally binding one woman with one man until they die? It's perverse. Why on earth do people do this?! Why am I doing this?! WALKER: Uh-oh. Freak-out. CLAUDE: You love Josh, remember? HONOR: Oh, yeah, josh. Okay. Okay, freak-out over. [Laughs] I wonder if josh is freaking out. MEGAN: We saw him before we took a smoke break. He looked nervous. HONOR: Oh, adorable. Hey, can someone check my sling-back? It feels messed up, and I can't reach my own feet. WALKER: Certainly. [Gets down on the floor, half drunk] Oh, yes, the sling-back is not slung back properly. I think I can remedy this if I just sling this back. [She knock the bottle of Champaign over she is holding and everyone gasps] Oops! HONOR: Did that get on my dress? Someone tell me if I need to freak out. MEGAN: It's fine. [They all laugh] HONOR: Get away from me, you lousy drunk. WALKER: Hey, that's offensive. I'm a terrific drunk. HONOR: I need my designated dresser. RORY: At your service. HONOR: Make sure it's secure because I plan on dancing tonight. CLAUDE: Speaking of dancing, has anyone warned Rory about the quote-unquote dignitaries coming to the shindig? It's always the same culprits. RORY: I need warning? ALEXANDRA: The ambassador from Luxembourg is very handsy. MEGAN: No, you have to watch out for that poet. What's his name? WALKER: The dude with the red face? MEGAN: He just did a translation of the "Bhagavad Gita." Anyway, he acts like he's gay, but it's such a ruse. Total perv. RORY: Poet, red face, not gay, "Bhagavad Gita," perv. Got it. SOFIA: I'm going to steal the bride to take a couple quick pictures. Honor, honey, grab your veil. The rest of you, 3-minute warning. RORY: You are dance-floor ready. HONOR: Thank you, my dear. See you soon, everybody. SOFIA: Head that way, toward the sitting room. We don't want Josh to see you in your dress. It's bad luck. HONOR: Please. Like I care about things like that. [Door closes] MEGAN: I look like a drag queen. WALKER: My hair is insane. ALEXANDRA: I want your hair. My hair looks like Linda Kers. Italo was punishing me. WALKER: I'll tell you what I want, to hook up with someone tonight. ALEXANDRA: Just remember that pinning guys in the corner and shoving your tongue down their throats can sometimes come off as desperate. WALKER: But I am desperate, I swear. I might go home with the ambassador from Luxembourg. CLAUDE: Come on. There'll be plenty of eligible bachelors tonight. WALKER: Like who? CLAUDE: The groomsmen, for starters. ALEXANDRA: Tripp Wallison is looking good. MEGAN: You always think he's looking good. ALEXANDRA: 'Cause he always is. Anyway, so do you. CLAUDE: Alexandra and Megan have both slept with Tripp. RORY: Small world. ALEXANDRA: I'm with Liam. You can have Tripp. WALKER: Tripp's too short. I'm over the whole Mia Farrow, Woody Allen thing. CLAUDE: How about Josh's brother? WALKER: Poor man's josh? Really poor man's? He's the josh they give away at the soup kitchens. ALEXANDRA: Oh, there's always Logan. WALKER: Been there, done that. CLAUDE: Shush! WALKER: What "shush"? You should talk. CLAUDE: Rory is Logan's girlfriend. WALKER: Oops. Oh, my god, you're Rory-Rory. I'm so retarded. Don't worry. This was way before you guys started dating. This was back around Thanksgiving. RORY: [Confused] Last Thanksgiving? WALKER: It meant nothing. Believe me, meaningless. MEGAN: Walker will have s*x with anyone. WALKER: I will. CLAUDE: I'm sure you know Logan and I dated, but that was ages ago, eons, back when he drove a Z3. And then we had a stupid one-night stand this December, but there's nothing between us, I swear. We're just friends who drank too much spiked eggnog. Now he's met you, and you guys are so great together, really. RORY: [Still in shock] Thanks. ALEXANDRA: I didn't know you slept with Logan. I thought you two messed around. WALKER: No, you said you just messed around with him. I said that he and I hooked up. I meant hooked up-hooked up. ALEXANDRA: [To Walker] I thought you just meant messed around. MEGAN: [To Alexandra] How come you never told me you messed around with Logan. Why am I not in the loop? ALEXANDRA: I'm with Liam. Officially, nothing happened. These shoes are killing my feet. WALKER: Just scrunch up your toes a little bit. That's what I'm doing. It feels good. RORY: Did you hook up with Logan around Thanksgiving? MEGAN: No way. I was in Biarritz. SOFIA: Okay, ladies, time to line up. The processional is about to start. Rory, you better go find your seat. MEGAN: I look like Rupaul. WALKER: Where's my flowers? Does Sofia have the flowers? CLAUDE: See you at the party, Rory. [Rory still in shock goes and sits down] ALEXANDRA: Oh, just F.Y.I. Before I got together with Liam, he slept with half the upper east side, and now he's loyal as a dog. WALKER: I need my flowers. [Alexandra points to the bunch Walker is holding] Oh, I already have my flowers. Oops! [All together the bridal part says "Bye, Rory" as she sits wondering what just happened] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Lorelai is cleaning up] LORELAI: I don't know how you did it, kid, but every single thing I own is now broken or missing. Oh, G.G., Hon, you're coloring on the floor there. The, the it's not enough the paper's near the marker. It has to actually be under it. [small laugh] G.G., Give me, oh, that's a permanent marker, honey. Give me that. G.G.: No! LORELAI: Yes. Permanent marker causes permanent damage, which makes auntie Lorelai permanently bitter, now... G.G.: No! LORELAI: G.G. [Gasps as G.G. deliberately draws a line on the floor] Oh, my god! God, give me that. [Takes the marker from G.G.] G.G.: [Screaming] LORELAI: If that's your Donald Sutherland "invasion of the body snatchers" impression, it's a really good one. [Screaming continues] "I'm sorry, ma'am, those tonsils are gonna have to come out." [Screaming continues] G.G., Please, if you stop, I'll give you one of those caramel apples that I showed you, okay? They're delicious, but to get one you have to stop making the world's most annoying noise in 5, 4, 3, 2... [Screaming stops...Lorelai sighs] Thank you. Nothing a little eardrum replacement surgery won't fix. Come on, let's go in the kitchen. [she runs past Lorelai] G.G.? Hey, don't you go into Rory's room. You know you're not allowed in there. G.G.? Hey, you. [Door slams] I know this is a clich , but just wait till your father gets home! HONOR'S WEDDING - DRESSING ROOM [Rory is still sitting on the same chair] LOGAN: Here you are. RORY: Here I am. LOGAN: I was looking all over for you. I didn't see you when I was walking down the aisle. Looked for you during the ceremony. Where were you? RORY: Here. LOGAN: Here? You missed the wedding? RORY: I'll apologize to honor later. LOGAN: Forget Honor. What's going on? Rory. RORY: You didn't say a word. You just let me walk into a room full of girls you'd had s*x with. Oh, no, wait. I'm sorry. You only had s*x with two of them. One you just "fooled around with," whatever that means. She spared me the parameters of the fooling around. You want to fill me in? LOGAN: Rory. RORY: You know what? Never mind. I've got a good imagination. I can figure it out. LOGAN: Okay, look. RORY: I can't believe it, you didn't just cheat on me, you really cheated on me. LOGAN: I didn't cheat on you. RORY: Oh, so you didn't sleep with... LOGAN: No, I did, but we were broken up. RORY: No, you were broken up, not me. I thought we were just taking some time. LOGAN: Apart, not seeing each other. RORY: Yes, taking some time, not seeing each other for a while. That doesn't mean "broken up." LOGAN: Oh, come on. RORY: No! When... To break up, you have to tell the other person. You can't just decide that you're broken off and then just go off and...god, I can't believe I fell for all your stupid tricks, the coffee cart and going to my mother. You went to my mother. Why would you bother going through that? You had plenty of backup. What do you need me for? LOGAN: Because I love you. RORY: No. Don't. LOGAN: Rory, I didn't cheat on you. I didn't lie to you. RORY: You didn't tell me. LOGAN: Of course not. Why would I want you to be hurt and upset and angry? RORY: "Blondie, dizzy", I love the cover, pretending all those girls were worthless idiots. LOGAN: They are worthless idiots, shooting their mouths off in front of you like that. RORY: It's not their fault. LOGAN: It is their fault. They love doing crap like this, causing trouble. RORY: We were only apart for like two seconds, and you managed to sleep with every one of your sister's friends. How did you even do that? I mean, did you work them in shifts? Were there charts, signals, b-12 shots? LOGAN: I was depressed. I was lonely. I was upset. I've known these girls forever. It was just companionship, okay? It meant nothing. RORY: Don't be at the apartment between 10:00 and 1:00 tomorrow so I can get my stuff. [Rory leaves] LUKE'S DINER - NIGHT [It's busy] CAESAR: Coffee on it's way. [A customer leaves and Kirk snatches some toast off his plate] KIRK: What? LANE: You're disgusting, and you're cheating on your juice diet. KIRK: I didn't cheat. I expanded the definition of "juice"... I feel dirty. ZACH: Hey. LANE: We're out of food. KIRK: What?! ZACH: I have to talk to you a sec. I went to a Bat Mitzvah last night. LANE: [To Zach] Mazel tov. [To Babette] You want some more coffee? BABETTE: What the hell. ZACH: I talked to the guys. LANE: I know you ripped my flyer down. ZACH: What? LANE: My "drummer wanted" flyer at Sophie's. It was ripped down, and Lou said he saw you do it. I just want you to know that I think that sucks. ZACH: Well, "a," Lou's a fathead, and, two, I had my reasons. Come on, Lane, stop. I have to talk to you. LANE: About what? What do you have to talk to me about, Zach? ZACH: I have to talk to you about how it's all feeling wrong. I tried to write a song about it, and I was gonna bring my amp and axe and play it for you. But it was coming out way too Emo, so I decided to just say it. [takes a deep breath] I get up in the morning and I don't feel good. I go to work and I don't feel good. I come home and I don't feel good. I brush my teeth and I don't feel good. Then I go to bed and I don't feel good. Then I wake up and I don't feel good. And then I go to work and I don't feel good. BABETTE: You don't feel good! We get it! Go on! LUKE: Hey, is something burning down here? LANE: Luke, shh! LUKE: Okay, sorry. LANE: Go on. ZACH: Right. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Lane, will you marry me? [People in the diner gasp.] LANE: What? ZACH: [Softly] Will you marry me? LANE: But...do you even know what you're saying? I mean, have you even thought about this? [Zach pulls a ring from his pocket] Oh, my god, you have thought about this. ZACH: I got it at the pawn shop. It belonged to like an Elk or a Moose or something. But it looked cool, and I could afford it, so I got it. [Hands the ring to Lane] You're smiling. LANE: I know. ZACH: Does this mean yes? LANE: Yes. It means yes. ZACH: Really? Cool. BABETTE: For god's sakes, kiss him, sugar! KIRK: [Eating] Yeah, kiss him, sugar! [Cheers and applause as they kiss.] LANE: So...I should get back to work. ZACH: It's okay. I wasn't thinking the ceremony should be today or anything. LANE: I'm off at 8:00. ZACH: I'll swing by. LANE: [Walks behind the counter, to Luke] I'm getting married. LUKE: I heard. LANE: [Giggles, and starts handing food and a toaster to customers, she's in a daze. Luke puts the toaster back and plates to customer who are meant to get them.] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Doorbell rings, Lorelai answers it.] LORELAI: Hey. CHRISTOPHER: Hi, Mary Poppins. LORELAI: [Chuckles] Sorry, the place is a mess. CHRISTOPHER: It's okay. I left my white gloves at home. LORELAI: So, how'd it go with you today? CHRISTOPHER: Great. I got everything done. It was actually nice spending some time with my mom. LORELAI: Good. CHRISTOPHER: So, what, you lose my kid? Should I call the milk carton people? LORELAI: Oh, she's asleep in Rory's room. CHRISTOPHER: She's all tuckered out, huh? LORELAI: Yeah, either that or she knocked herself out. She was throwing books around Rory's room. CHRISTOPHER: What do you mean? LORELAI: Well, when she was done drawing on the floor and pouring chocolate milk on Paul Anka, then she took to throwing books around for a while. This was before the spitting and the furniture kicking and the grand finale where she pulled all the sheets off the bed and tried to flush them down the toilet. CHRISTOPHER: You're kidding. LORELAI: Oh, I'm really not. CHRISTOPHER: Well, she's a spirited kid. LORELAI: Spirited, possessed. Potato, po-tah-to. CHRISTOPHER: 3-year-olds can be a lot to handle. If you're not used it, I'm sure it can be overwhelming. LORELAI: Oh, no, no, this wasn't 3-year-old hard-to-handle. This was feral hyena hard-to-handle. CHRISTOPHER: So, you guys didn't click. LORELAI: Chris, this is not about clicking. This is about spoiled. CHRISTOPHER: Spoiled? LORELAI: Yes, G.G. Has clearly never heard the word "no" in her entire life. CHRISTOPHER: She's heard the word "no." LORELAI: Well, at no time did me saying "no" elicit anything other than a scream. I said, "no coloring on the floor", she screamed. I said, "no pulling Paul Anka's tail", she screamed. I tried discussing Japanese Noh theater with her. She screamed. CHRISTOPHER: So what? LORELAI: I'm not saying it's her fault. I'm saying I think you could apply a little more discipline. CHRISTOPHER: She's a kid. Kids are hard. LORELAI: Yeah, I know kids. I raised one, okay? CHRISTOPHER: Kids are different today. It's a different world. They need more nurturing, more space. LORELAI: I'm sorry. Uh, yes, that was Dr. Spock turning over in his grave. CHRISTOPHER: We're going. LORELAI: [Sighs] Come on, Chris. It isn't just me. Those preschool interviews? CHRISTOPHER: Those people don't know what they're talking about. LORELAI: And the nanny? CHRISTOPHER: Is a flake. LORELAI: [Sighs] You know giving G.G. Whatever she wants isn't gonna make up for Sherry being a crappy mom and bailing. CHRISTOPHER: You know what? I've had enough of your advice and your help. [Chris carries G.G. out] RICH MAN'S SHOE [Rory is drunk] RORY: Hit me, barkeep. BARTENDER: That's your third one. RORY: What are you, my mother? BARTENDER: No. RORY: No, you're not. I'm not driving, and I live right over... there, or somewhere near there. Or there. But it's close, and I'm walking, and I want another drink. BARTENDER: Okay. RORY: [Sighs] Hey! These are mine. WAITRESS: I was just gonna get them out of your way. RORY: Don't take what's mine. These came with my drinks. He put them down in front of me. I did not ask you to move them, did I? WAITRESS: Whatever. RORY: Snappy comeback. Dorothy Parker know about you? Sick of people touching my stuff. BARTENDER: [Hands Rory the drink] Here you go. [Puts a bowl of nuts on the bar] Eat something. RORY: You eat something. [pays for the drink] DOYLE: Well, hello, Rory. Fancy meeting you here. RORY: Hi, Doyle. DOYLE: I didn't see you sitting here, or I would've come over sooner. I've been here a while. I've been mixing beer and wine and Malibu rum. RORY: That sounds bad. DOYLE: Yep, it is bad. It's been a long, bad night. How about you? How's your night been? RORY: [Sarcastically] Really excellent. DOYLE: Okay, well, then, let's drink to really excellent evenings. [They toast] RORY: To really excellent evenings. DOYLE: Paris threw me out. RORY: What? No. Why? DOYLE: I told her you were thinking of making her "Campus Safety" piece a series and that I told you not to. RORY: Why would you do that? DOYLE: I don't know. It just came out. We were fighting. She was miserable and not sleeping and just sitting at that craft table, hot-gluing bead after bead after bead. And then when I tried to take the glue gun out of her hand, all hell broke loose. RORY: Oh, boy. DOYLE: She kicked me out, told me to leave. I came here. RORY: That sucks. DOYLE: I drank a lot. RORY: Love sucks. DOYLE: Went and bought a car for that woman. RORY: Me too. DOYLE: Now I have to move out. RORY: Me too. DOYLE: You too, what? RORY: I have to move out of Logan's apartment. DOYLE: Why? RORY: Because Logan had many, many blondes for thanksgiving. DOYLE: Sounds terrible. Did you love him? RORY: Yep. DOYLE: It's terrible when you love 'em. RORY: I don't know where I'm gonna go. DOYLE: I'm staying with two guys who have black-light posters on every single wall. It's depressing. RORY: You guys will get back together. You and Paris are perfect for each other. DOYLE: I mean, there's socks hanging everywhere. I don't even know if they're clean socks. They're just hanging. I wonder what Paris is doing now. RORY: I wonder how long till Logan sleeps with somebody else... Bet he already has. [Takes a last drink] Ohh, empty. Sad. BARTENDER: How we doing? RORY: Fine. We're fine. DOYLE: I want to die. RORY: I want more. You want more? DOYLE: Uh-huh. RORY: Oh, rats. I'm out of money. I had to take a cab back from New York, so of course I have no drinking money. DOYLE: I've got money. It's in something in my pants, somewhere down here in this general area. I'll hold still while you look. RORY: No, that's okay. I'm gonna go. DOYLE: Yeah? Okay. I'll go, too. [Gets off the stool too quick.] Oh, bad move. Bad, bad move. RORY: Come on. I got you. [They exit the pub] RORY: Doyle, use your feet. DOYLE: It's cold. I'm cold. RORY: You want my coat? DOYLE: Okay. [Rory taes it off and Doyle puts it on] This is lovely. RORY: Thank you. DOYLE: Okay, well, thanks for the company. RORY: Yeah, you too. DOYLE: Bye, Rory. RORY: Bye, Doyle. [They hug and Doyle starts to kiss Rory on the neck] Uh, Doyle? Doyle, what are you doing? DOYLE: Uh... RORY: You were kissing my neck. DOYLE: Oh, god, I was. I was kissing your neck. And I was nuzzling, too. RORY: There was definitely nuzzling. DOYLE: I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. RORY: And you used your tongue. DOYLE: I just miss her so much. RORY: Doyle, go home. DOYLE: I don't have a home. RORY: Yes, you do. You have a home with black-light posters and dirty socks. I don't have a home. DOYLE: Oh, right. RORY: Night, Doyle. [Starts to walk away] Oh, my god, could this day get any worse? LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Lorelai is cleaning the floor, the telephone rings] LORELAI: [Growns then answers] Yeah? CHRISTOPHER: Lor? LORELAI: Ah, well, if it isn't Da Vinci's daddy. CHRISTOPHER: How's the floor? LORELAI: Very festive. CHRISTOPHER: I'm sorry about that. I'll have a floor guy come fix it. LORELAI: Well, don't worry about it. The house was too perfect. Now it's lived-in. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, well... LORELAI: You're awfully quiet. G.G. Got a gun on you or something? CHRISTOPHER: I'm sorry, Lor. LORELAI: Oh, Chris. CHRISTOPHER: I was so far out of line. LORELAI: Don't worry about it. CHRISTOPHER: Everything you said, you were... so right. LORELAI: I hate when that happens. CHRISTOPHER: G.G. Is completely out of control. I can't say no to her. I'm just -- I'm just so... I don't know. I'm so mad at Sherry for taking off like that. I mean, who leaves a kid? LORELAI: Well... CHRISTOPHER: Yes, I know. I left a kid. I tell you, Lor, I don't think I really got how you felt about me until now because I want to kill Sherry. LORELAI: I never wanted to kill you. I wanted to key your car, which I did once, by the way. CHRISTOPHER: It's not right that G.G. Doesn't get a mom. It's not right that all she has is me. What a super bargain that is. LORELAI: Oh, Chris, come on. CHRISTOPHER: I don't want her to feel like she's missing anything. I want her to be happy. LORELAI: I know. CHRISTOPHER: I can't get her into a school. No one will take her. They say she's uncontrollable and aggressive and all sorts of other horrible-sounding terms. LORELAI: Well, school is overrated. Ask Abraham Lincoln. CHRISTOPHER: I suck as a dad. LORELAI: No, you don't. Look, I get the single-parent guilt, but in the end, G.G. Needs you to say no. CHRISTOPHER: I know. I've ruined her. LORELAI: You haven't ruined her. It's not too late. CHRISTOPHER: You sure? LORELAI: I'm positive. You can turn this around. I know you can. You're a great guy with a great heart. You just need to be a little tougher. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. LORELAI: I'll help you in any way I can. I promise. We'll fix this. CHRISTOPHER: You're amazing, Lor. LORELAI: Only in the true sense of the word. CHRISTOPHER: Thanks for being around. LORELAI: Any time. CHRISTOPHER: [Glass shatters, G.G. Screams. Sighs ] I got to... LORELAI: I know. Go. [Ends the phone call] HALLWAY TO PARIS'S APARTMENT [Rory sighs and knocks on the door] PARIS: Get the bowls and chopsticks out, guys. Somebody pick a movie already. [The door opens] I thought you were Hing Yee's. RORY: Sorry. PARIS: What do you want? RORY: Can I talk to you for a sec? PARIS: Fine. [Unchains the door and lets her in.] RORY: Where is everybody? PARIS: I ordered food for 10, and I didn't want the delivery guy to look at me like I was a hog. I don't need to display my pathetic ness to the world. RORY: You're not pathetic, Paris. PARIS: Doyle and I broke up. RORY: I know. I sort of ran into Doyle earlier. PARIS: Oh, yeah? RORY: Yeah, he looked pretty upset. PARIS: I don't care. RORY: Okay. PARIS: So, is that why you came over here, 'cause you heard that we broke up? RORY: Well...yes. PARIS: You're a really good friend. RORY: Oh, not really. PARIS: I throw you out, I treat you like dirt, no one else can stand me, but you come over to make sure I'm all right. RORY: Well, Paris? PARIS: Yeah? RORY: In the name of full disclosure, I should tell you, Logan and I broke up, too, today. I'm moving out. PARIS: How come? RORY: He cheated on me...with an entire wedding party. PARIS: Oh... Nice. RORY: Yeah. PARIS: Men suck. RORY: They do suck. PARIS: Can't count on them. They never have your back. RORY: No, they don't. PARIS: They make you love them, and then they let you down, and you're walking around with a stomachache for the next six months. RORY: Is that how long it lasts? PARIS: I don't know. I hope it's only six months. RORY: Yeah, me too. PARIS: You can stay here, you know, if you want. RORY: Really? PARIS: Sure. Take my room if you want. I've been sleeping at my crafts table lately. RORY: Thanks, Paris. PARIS: Sure... Hungry? I got food coming. RORY: Starving. PARIS: Hey, I just realized, when the food arrives, now I really can ask someone to get the bowls. Silver lining, huh? RORY: Sure is. LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM [Lorelai is in bed, telephone rings] LORELAI: Hello? RORY: Hey, it's me. LORELAI: Hey, you! How was the wedding? RORY: Sucko. I've got a new address for you. LORELAI: Uh-oh.

Lorelai and Christopher attend a journalism panel at Yale where Rory dazzles the crowd. Afterwards, Lorelai offers to help Christopher by babysitting his daughter, and is horrified by the toddler's terrible behavior. The next day, Rory and Logan attend the wedding of Logan's sister, Honor. While helping the bridesmaids get ready, Rory is devastated to learn how Logan spent his time during their recent breakup. Finally, Lane is still heartbroken over Zach, until he turns up at the diner with a surprise.

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KLAUS' BEDROOM [Genevieve wakes up in Klaus' bed to find that he's already awake and painting a portrait of her] GENEVIEVE: You're up early. After the night we had, I expected you to sleep in. KLAUS: Yes, well, morning sun offers the best light. Hold still. I'm almost finished. GENEVIEVE: [smiles and stretches] In my last life, I was far too modest if I was in the nude. KLAUS: Well, then consider yourself much improved. Modesty is for the weak. [Genevieve gets out of bed to look at the painting, but he hides it from her] GENEVIEVE: Well, are you gonna show me? KLAUS: The painting is a gift. A token to honor our pact. GENEVIEVE: [feigns offense] Our pact? We had such a lovely night and now I see it was all a means to an end. KLAUS: A rather delicious means to a mutually beneficial end. GENEVIEVE: Tell me. Beyond the pleasures of last night and the promise of what I'm sure is an exquisite painting, what exactly would a French Quarter witch gain from aligning with you? KLAUS: Well, the treaty my dear brother negotiated between the warring factions of this city, the one that you yourself signed. No doubt everyone means well, but this is after all... GENEVIEVE: ...Still the French Quarter? KLAUS: [laughs] A borough rife with natural enemies. What you and your witches need is the protection only I can provide. No one-- not vampires, not werewolves, not even my brother-- will dare trifle with you if I am on your side. GENEVIEVE: And in exchange, I am to offer you what, exactly? KLAUS: All I ask is for the promise of your allegiance. One never knows when a powerful witch might come in handy. GENEVIEVE: Well, then. [They kiss] LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Monique, Abigail, and Davina are in a tomb at the cemetery, each in different yoga positions, while trying to do a spell] MONIQUE, ABIGAIL & DAVINA: [in unison] Vie dans des anc tres, renforcer noblesse. Comme des anc tres, de coeur noblesse. D cider on de anc tres, garder noblesse MONIQUE: [screams, and then begins to chant] Aah! Sine la quatrieme puella leve, comme Genevieve ceciderit. Sine la quatrieme puella leve, comme Genevieve ceciderit. DAVINA: Monique, are you ok? Monique, you sounded like you were possessed. MONIQUE: I wasn't possessed. I was channeling the ancestors. They say it's time to complete the reaping. To do that, the fourth Harvest girl must be resurrected, which means... it's time for Genevieve to die. TITLE CARD & OPENING CREDITS ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Elijah has men renovating the compound. Klaus and Genevieve come downstairs to find the source of the noise] KLAUS: Enough with all the racket! ELIJAH: Is there a problem, brother? [to the workers] Gentlemen, please. KLAUS: I agreed to a general sprucing up, not a bloody three-ring circus. ELIJAH: Marcel and his minions abused our home for the better part of a century. Now, you might be content to live in squalor. I'm not. GENEVIEVE: I agree with your brother. It's a new era in the French Quarter. This place could use a makeover. KLAUS: Careful, Elijah. When this one agrees with you, it's a sure sign she wants something. GENEVIEVE: Actually I do have a request. I'm told our coven hasn't been able to celebrate feast days in the open since Marcel restricted the use of magic. Now with the new peace, I'd like that to change. ELIJAH: Am I to assume that you have a certain feast day in mind? GENEVIEVE: The F te des B n dictions. Feast of the Blessings. In the past, members of the community offered witches gifts in exchange for blessings. We'd like to use it as a forum for introducing our young Harvest girls to society. ELIJAH: So your coven attempted to destroy my family and you yourself held my siblings in unspeakable torment. And you would like a party for the witches. KLAUS: [chuckles] GENEVIEVE: I made my amends with your brother. Why don't you think it over? [Genevieve leaves] KLAUS: Oh, don't be such a stiff, Elijah. The tourists love a good festival. Besides, what better way to cement the solidarity than a show of faith toward a one-time enemy? ELIJAH: A onetime enemy with whom you've grown rather nauseatingly intimate. KLAUS: Well, who said maintaining alliances can't be fun? ELIJAH: One would think you'd be a little more interested in attending to the needs of the mother of your child. KLAUS: So, she's the reason behind this oh-so-thoughtful renovation? Elijah, the truth is, the mother of my child is werewolf royalty. She's far safer in the bayou with her pack than she would ever be here with us. Don't worry. I'll bring her home before the birth. No child of mine will be born in a swamp. THE BAYOU [Hayley is drinking tea on the porch with Eve, and remarking on all the new werewolves who have shown up in the bayou and flooded the encampments] HAYLEY: You've gotta be kidding me. Seriously, what is going on? Who are all these people? Why are they standing out here all weird and lurky? EVE: They've come from all over. All the packs. HAYLEY: Why? To see a baby that isn't even born yet? OLIVER: [comes out from inside the house] Forget the baby. These freaks, they come here to see you. You know, given the place your parents held in pack hierarchy, maybe they think you're gonna be the long-lost werewolf messiah or something. HAYLEY: Great. No pressure or anything. [Oliver's phone rings, so he walks away to take it] OLIVER: Hello? KLAUS: Oliver. I trust you have an update on the matter we discussed. OLIVER: Yeah, um, about that. We got wolves coming in by the truckload right now, so it's gonna be a little tricky to find just one guy. I mean, all you gave me was a first name. KLAUS: Yes. His name is Cary. He's got blond hair and brown eyes. He's one of my clan, a distant relative from the northeast Atlantic pack. His presence is required if we are to continue with our plan. You find him and you bring him to me. OLIVER: All right, fine. I'm on it. KLAUS: Another thing-- my brother will soon invite you to a feast honoring the witches. You and your friends will graciously accept the invitation. OLIVER: Why the hell would I do that? KLAUS: Because if Elijah believes his treaty is working, he'll be less inclined to get in my way. ROUSSEAU'S [Klaus enters the restaurant to talk to Cami] CAMI: What do you want? KLAUS: I formed an alliance with someone who may be able to help your uncle. CAMI: Let me guess. Tall, redhead, axe to grind? Those resurrected witches are the ones who hexed Kieran in the first place. Why would she want to help? KLAUS: Because it's my decree that she does. I believe the words you're looking for are "thank you." By all means, say no if you have an alternative. CAMI: No. [Klaus leaves, but Cami changes her mind] Wait. Do whatever you have to do. Just help him. MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Marcel and Thierry are working on their scheme against Klaus] THIERRY: You wanted me to keep an eye on Klaus? I did. If you ask me, this is a good thing. Him fawning all over a girl you've got wrapped around your finger helps us. MARCEL: I don't want Cami getting hurt. She's already got witches spying on her. Do you have any idea what Klaus is gonna do when he finds out that we hooked up? THIERRY: Not my problem. The thing we need to worry about is what his hybrid ass is up to. MARCEL: He's got something going on with the witches, and he's doing it behind Elijah's back. Whatever he's up to, if I can find proof... THIERRY: [skeptical] Oh, you'll what? You're gonna rat him out to his older brother? You're gonna turn them against each other? You're exiled from the Quarter. Elijah even smells you coming and you're dead. MARCEL: You don't know them like I do. They're half-turned against each other already. Drama, pride, guilt, envy, all built up like a powder keg. All you have to do is light a match. [he looks out the window] THIERRY: Then where do we buy matches? Look around, Marcel. We have nothing. MARCEL: I started with nothing. Hell, things didn't get rolling until I turned you. You and your music and the whole city for the taking. Those were the days, T. Let's go get them back. COVEN HOUSE [The French Quarter coven has convened in the home's greenhouse for a meeting with Genevieve] GENEVIEVE: And who put you in charge? MONIQUE: I communed with the ancestors. They said it's time for you to sacrifice yourself. GENEVIEVE: Of course. It will be an honor to fulfill my duty to our coven. But it's not quite my time yet. MONIQUE: The ancestors were very clear. We need for you to die, so our community can have the full power of the Harvest. GENEVIEVE: Careful, Monique. Not so long ago, I was one of those ancestors. A spirit forced to watch as little by little, witches surrendered everything to vampires. We may no longer live under Marcel's thumb, but I for one don't particularly enjoy answering to Elijah, either. Before I take my leave, I'd like to ensure that you have the power to control your own fate. The Mikaelsons' mother Esther was a powerful witch. Her spellbook contains enchantments that we can use to our own ends. I can steal it for our coven and we'll never be held in subjugation again. You'll have your sacrifice. But, I have things to do before I die. VAMPIRE TERRITORY, HUMAN TERRITORY, & WEREWOLF TERRITORY [Elijah is meets with Diego and the rest of the the Vampire Faction about the Feast of Blessings] DIEGO: You want us to go to a witch event on bended knee and give them a gift? I'm sorry, but I just remembered. We're busy doing just about anything else that night. ELIJAH: Diego, this isn't a request. Your name is on that treaty. Now, if you have any difficulty whatsoever with your newfound position, I'd be more than willing to remove you. DIEGO: I never thought I'd see the day. Vampires bowing down to witches. [Elijah meets with Francesca, the Human Faction leader] ELIJAH: I see it as a demonstration of strength, acknowledging a lesser faction. FRANCESCA: But you're not asking, are you? [laughs] Oh, I see it's true what they say about you, Elijah. You make even strong-arming seem noble. Well, the tourists do eat this stuff up. Can you imagine what they'd think if they suddenly found out it was all real? I take it you want me at the public show and the private party afterward? ELIJAH: That is correct. FRANCESCA: I'd be happy to attend. And in return, you will owe the humans a favor. [Elijah next meets with Jackson, Oliver, and Hayley on behalf of the Crescent wolves] ELIJAH: Your people are uniquely poised to set an example for the rest of the French Quarter. Which is why it's important for the wolves to attend. HAYLEY: Thanks, but no thanks? OLIVER: [sighs] Let's hear the man out. HAYLEY: The witches are the ones that cursed your pack. And they've been nothing but crap to me since I first came to town. [to Elijah] No. We're not going. JACKSON: It's a new day in the Quarter, Hayley. I agree with Oliver. If we're gonna coexist, we have to play ball. We'll send a representative with a gift. [Elijah frowns as Hayley, who is annoyed, walks away. He catches up with her and talks with her privately] ELIJAH: [whispers] That was too easy. Don't trust him. Don't trust any of them. ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Oliver roughly drags Cary, Klaus' distant relative, into St. Anne's for their meeting with Klaus] OLIVER: You don't stop squirming, I don't care who you know, I'm gonna kneecap you right here. [Klaus vamp-speeds toward them, annoyed] KLAUS: When I asked you to bring Cary to me, it was as my guest. Might I recommend you release him before I opt to release you from your mortal coil. OLIVER: I found him like you asked, and he jumped me. Now, his pack's been going at mine since the beginning of time. I don't owe him a thing. KLAUS: You see, it's that short-sighted attitude that led to the demise of the werewolves. OLIVER: I'm pretty sure Marcel and the witches did that. KLAUS: The packs should have been united. Marcel saw that weakness and he exploited it. If you seek to rebuild with only the Crescents, you may as well stay in your hovels in the bog! [turns to Cary and smiles kindly] I don't believe we've had the pleasure of an introduction. CARY: Legend says you're descended from our line. KLAUS: The legends are true. Come here. [leads him away and pulls his ring out of his pocket] I understand that this ring was passed down through generations of our family. I need to know what stone it housed. CARY: I never saw it with a stone. KLAUS: Could you ask around for me, mate? Hmm? See what you can find out. MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Diego has come over to meet with Thierry about the plan] DIEGO: You can't just start a revolution, all on your own ,from exile across the river. I mean, like it or not, Elijah's plan is the new reality. THIERRY: Elijah's got you bowing down to witches. How long until you're kow-towing to werewolves? DIEGO: [scoffs] Right, and who's gonna lead this rebellion, huh? You? MARCEL: [walks down the stairs to join them] I got a few ideas. DIEGO: I remember the last time I stood with you against an Original. Didn't go so well. MARCEL: All we gotta do is show that we won't bow down. Make enough noise, they'll leave. I figure we can be a lot louder if we're in it together. DIEGO: Look, Elijah Mikaelson's a dick, no doubt. Thing is, with him at least I know where I stand. MARCEL: Do you? We've been watching Klaus. Making deals with witches, holding secret meetings with werewolves. You can't trust these people. DIEGO: [shouts] You're the one who picked up Klaus' coin! You, Marcel. Maybe T's got a short memory, but I don't. You're a coward. [Marcel lunges at Diego and slams him down on top of his glass coffeetable, which shatters. Thierry immediately jumps in to play peacekeeper] THIERRY: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! MARCEL: When I picked up that coin, I was saving your ass. Klaus was gonna kill all of you. A good leader knows when he's gotta fight another day. Now that day's here. I'm ready. You gonna fight with me? DIEGO: With what? Huh? Look around. All you've got is Thierry and a whole bunch of talk. You guys don't seem to get it. You lost, all right? I picked the winning side, so if you want to start a war, you're fighting against me. [Diego storms out of Marcel's loft. Marcel is still angry and disappointed] MARCEL: Time we got more persuasive. THE BAYOU [Hayley comes out on the porch to join Jackson and Oliver. They stop talking when she comes outside, which makes her suspicious] HAYLEY: What is this? High School? OLIVER: Why don't you take the hint and mind your own business? [Hayley grabs him by the arm, spins him around, twists his arm behind his back, and pins him up against the wall, face-first] HAYLEY: This is my pack. That makes it my business. JACKSON: No need to get all riled up. It's not good for you, Hayley. HAYLEY: I have tried to play nice [twists his arm harder] The last month of pregnancy is all hormones and mood swings, so unless you want me to snap your arm like a twig, I suggest that you tell me what is going on. OLIVER: You can go to hell. JACKSON: Knock it off. There's no reason to keep it from her. OLIVER: I can think of a reason. Tall and immortal and wears a pocket scarf. [Oliver fights against her, but she forcefully pins him back down again] OLIVER: Uhh! JACKSON: Hayley, you're one of us. You deserve to know. Now, go on. [Hayley reluctantly releases him and turns to Jackson for an explanation] JACKSON: We made an alliance that's gonna change everything for the wolves. HAYLEY: An alliance with who? JACKSON: Klaus. HAYLEY: Tell me everything. COVEN HOUSE [Klaus has come to Genevieve's house to ask for her help treating Father Kieran] GENEVIEVE: You came all this way to beg for some human's life? KLAUS: Father Kieran's time is running out, and he has been an ally to me. GENEVIEVE: Your ally, and Cami's uncle. Sorry. As I've already said, there's no way to undo that hex. KLAUS: Oh, come on. You and I both know there's always a loophole. GENEVIEVE: Not for this. At least not among my people. Although, I do wonder. Your mother was powerful. She would have had access to all manner of spells. Perhaps I could take a look through her grimoire. KLAUS: You want to use father Kieran's ailment as an excuse to look through my mother's spellbook. Very devious. GENEVIEVE: Come on. The grimoire is worthless to you. But with it's power, I could solidify my place in the coven. KLAUS: No, I'm sorry, love. It's bad enough my mother's power was consecrated with your ancestors. The last thing I need is for you to get a look at an entire book of her dirty, little tricks. GENEVIEVE: That's unfortunate. Particularly for poor father Kieran. I guess you'll be the one to tell Cami. [Klaus lunges at Genevieve and pins her in a choke-hold against the table. He leans in close to her face] KLAUS: You think you have leverage over me? I will not be manipulated. GENEVIEVE: [whispers] Vamisa la visia. [Klaus groans in pain and releases Genevieve] GENEVIEVE: And I won't be threatened. So, between the two of us, we each know where we stand. As long as we can retain that mutual respect, I don't see a need for any further demonstrations of power. Don't call me again. THE FRENCH QUARTER [It is night now, and the Feast of Blessings parade begins down the main street. The witches march down the street, and the three currently-alive Harvest girls are hoisted above the crowd on thrones. The girls are each dressed for the element they represented in the Harvest--Monique in floral earth tones, for earth; Davina in bright red-orange, for fire; and Abigail in white, for air. Genevieve anxiously watches it all from the sidelines] GENEVIEVE: [to a fellow witch] It's time. Klaus will be at the event, which means the compound will be empty. You know what to do. [Genevieve joins the Harvest girls on stage to greet the crowd] GENEVIEVE: Now, in accordance with the F te des B n dictions, the witches of New Orleans bless you all! [The crowd cheers. Genevieve steps offstage. Monique steps forward first, and creates a mild earthquake that rumbles the ground below them. Then, Abigail steps forward and raises her arms to create very strong winds that blow around the crowd of tourists. Finally, Davina steps forward, turns around, and raises her palm to the sign behind her, which immediately ignites with fire and sets off dozens of fireworks, which makes the crowd cheer again] [SCENE_BREAK] THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [The witch Genevieve sent has entered the compound, and begins to look around the courtyard. After a moment, he finds Esther's grimoire laying on the table, and reaches for it] KLAUS: [above, on the balcony] A little too easy, isn't it? I've been expecting you. [he vamp-speeds down to him] You're late. THE QUARTER [Music plays as Elijah waits near the entrance and waits for Davina to pass through] ELIJAH: Davina. DAVINA: Elijah. ELIJAH: It's lovely to see you. And under far better circumstances. DAVINA: Is it? My friend Tim is still dead, and your brother's still breathing. GENEVIEVE: [appears behind her] Davina, that's enough. Elijah has been a patron to us this evening. We will show him respect. [to Elijah] Thank you for all of this. ELIJAH: This isn't for you. You know as well as I that your people would never accept a truce unless we showed them some respect. So be it. Enjoy your party. [Hayley enters just as Genevieve leaves] ELIJAH: [smiles] Strange. I thought you'd be in the company of your colorful friends. HAYLEY: Oh. You asked for a representative for the werewolves, so take me or leave me. [Elijah smiles and holds out his arm, which Hayley reluctantly takes] INSIDE THE PARTY [Monique glares at Davina, who is talking and giggling with some guests. Genevieve catches up with her] GENEVIEVE: Is something wrong? MONIQUE: These people came to praise witches. What has she done to prove herself worthy? GENEVIEVE: She's a Harvest girl. Like you. [gestures for Monique to walk with her] MONIQUE: Our power is a gift from the ancestors. I've had to make sacrifices to honor that gift. I lost my mother, my aunt. Davina has done nothing but stand against us. GENEVIEVE: She just needs a little lesson. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's putting people in their place. [Genevieve kicks off the after-party by greeting the guests] GENEVIEVE: (CLINKING) Welcome. As is our time-honored tradition, you are all welcome to deliver your offerings. It is our custom that no one should be turned away, no blessing be denied. [Guests line up to bring their offerings to the Harvest girls. First is Hayley, who smiles at Davina and is about to give her gift to her, but is stopped by an attendant. She tells Hayley to give the gift to Monique, which she does. The next person, Francesca gives their gift to Abigail. Genevieve watches as no one gives their gift to Davina] CAMI: [behind Genevieve] Do you get any gifts? GENEVIEVE: What are you doing here? CAMI: Technically, I'm crashing, but it's you I came to see. Don't worry, I just want to say my piece and then I'll leave. Here. GENEVIEVE: And what is this? CAMI: An offering, from me. I know we have no reason to like each other, but I want to honor what Elijah has built. What my uncle worked for. GENEVIEVE: Oh. So this is about your uncle. CAMI: Like I said, I know you have no reason to help me, but Klaus said a long time ago, you were cheated out of life, and if I can't help him, if you can't help him, so will he. And, so I'm asking you, please. [Genevieve opens the gift to find an antique hair comb] Klaus said you were from this era. And I thought with your red hair... GENEVIEVE: [is obviously touched by her gift] I had one just like this. Perhaps I can help you. INSIDE THE PARTY [The line to give offerings to the Harvest girls continue. Davina has still not received any gifts, and Monique sends Davina smug smiles every time she gets a new gift. Davina, near tears, runs away and bumps into Josh on her way out] DAVINA: Josh! What are you doing here? JOSH: What, are you kidding? No way I'd miss out on your big day. Besides, music, wind, fire? The club kid in me is, like, in heaven. [notices how sad she is] You don't look like you're having much fun, though. Hey. Come on. Let's get out of here. [He's about to lead her away when Klaus notices him] KLAUS: [appears] Joshua. What a fortunate coincidence, finding you here. We have unfinished business. DAVINA: [to Klaus] You need to leave here. Right now. KLAUS: Now, to be fair, love, you're not quite as powerful as you once were, are you? You're in no position to give orders. [vamp-speeds over to Josh and grabs him by the neck] Come along, lad. JOSH: Hey, can we talk about this? [Davina follows them into the main room of the party] DAVINA: Josh! KLAUS: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please. We are gathered here today to pay homage to our beloved witches, but one very special witch has been utterly ignored. That seems a little unfair to me. [he hands her a small box as his offering] DAVINA: No. I don't want your gift. KLAUS: I understand why you would reject me, given our past. In truth, many of us here today have been wronged in the conflict which my brother's treaty ended. Your friend Josh was involved in a plot to kill me. It would be well within my right to execute him here and now. But, in the spirit of solidarity, and for your favor, Davina, I hereby pardon him. Josh from this day forward, you have nothing to fear from me. Please. [hands Davina the box] [Klaus leaves the two of them, and Josh beams in relief] JOSH: So, are you gonna open it? [she opens it, and looks stunned when she finds a lapis lazuli ring and a small, folded up piece of parchment] What? What is it? DAVINA: It's the spell that makes daylight rings. [Hayley walks through the party as Klaus catches up with her and wraps an arm around her] KLAUS: I hear you made quite an impression with the wolves. My arrangement with them was supposed to be a secret, and yet you forced it out of them. It's very bold. As was your decision to represent them here today, on your own. I trust you'll do nothing to harm our cause. HAYLEY: Are you really gonna go behind Elijah's back? KLAUS: Come on! What difference does it make to you as long as your people benefit? HAYLEY: If I find out that you are playing some game, trying to manipulate us for one of your schemes-- KLAUS: [interrupts her]--You know, you've come a long way, little wolf. I knew you were tough, I knew you were cunning, but I never knew you were a queen. [A large group of drummers marches into the party. Confused, Hayley, Elijah and Klaus linger nearby and watch them] LEAD DRUMMER: Happy F te des B n dictions. We have a message for all of you from Marcel Gerard. [The crowd frowns, and everyone starts whispering to each other. All of the drummers take out straight razors and slice their wrists open, bleeding all over the floor. The vampires in the room start to get antsy and vamp-out at the smell of blood] ELIJAH: Control yourselves. This is a vulgar trick. [shouts] We do not violate our agreement. [The lights suddenly go out, and the vampires start feeding on the drummers, as well as other humans at the party. The crowd dissolves into chaos] GENEVIEVE: [runs toward the Harvest girls and grabs another witch to help] Get them out of here! [The chaos continues, and when the lights switch back on, there are dozens of dead/injured humans lying on the ground. On the walls, someone has written "THERE WILL BE NO PEACE" on the wall] HAYLEY: Hey! - Elijah? ELIJAH: Hayley. It's okay. It's all right. [he picks her up and helps her out of the party] OUTSIDE MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Thierry and Marcel are recapping the night's events] THIERRY: Blood on the walls. Pile of bodies. All in all, I'd say message received. MARCEL: Did you get Davina out first? THIERRY: As planned, Josh took care of Davina. I made sure the other Harvest girls got out in the clear. MARCEL: That was just the warning shot. Now we double down. ELIJAH: [shouts out] Marcel! [Elijah tackles Thierry and throws him against the building] THIERRY: Aah! ELIJAH: [vamp-speeds so he is face-to-face with Marcel] I warned you. [he shoves Marcel against the wall] And yet still, you return to the French Quarter. MARCEL: You gonna kill me, Elijah? Go ahead. But then you won't know what Klaus has got going with that witch in his pocket. ELIJAH: Oh, whatever shall I do? I suppose I could just ask him. MARCEL: Yeah. Make sure he tells you all about the secret meetings with the werewolves. That is, if he's still speaking to you once he knows that you killed me. [Thierry picks himself up off the ground] ELIJAH: Do you not know me? [Elijah shoves his fist into Marcel's chest and grabs his heart. When Thierry jumps in to protect him, Elijah does the same to Thierry, who groans in pain] ELIJAH: For your violation. [Elijah rips out Thierry's heart] MARCEL: [kneels next to Thierry's body] No. No, no. ELIJAH: [holds Thierry's heart in Marcel's face] You live or you die according to my will. Try to remember that. [Marcel starts to cry] AFTER THE PARTY [Klaus catches up with Genevieve] KLAUS: You left without my offering. GENEVIEVE: Your vampires ruined my party. KLAUS: Oh, they're not my vampires anymore, love. Although, Marcel certainly took a page out of my book for dramatic effect. Look, I owed Davina some consolation because I killed her first love. I do try to make up for my wrong-doings. As with our little quarrel earlier. So, here. [hands her a gift] I picked it out earlier tonight. A friend of yours gave me a hand. GENEVIEVE: And what friend was that? KLAUS: Well, open it. See for yourself. [she opens the box to find the witch's severed hands resting inside] Did you really think I would leave my mother's grimoire unprotected? GENEVIEVE: A century ago, I dreamed of what it would be like to know you. Now I'm glad I didn't. I might have been naive enough to fall for you, or fear you, but I learned a lot in death. And trust me, Klaus Mikaelson--It's you who should be afraid of me. KLAUS: Pity. I will miss the s*x. GENEVIEVE: Your friend Cami showed up tonight. Her offering was quite sweet. So, I gave her hope that I would lift Kieran's hex, but there is no hope. Or if there was, there isn't now. KLAUS: If the priest dies, then believe me, you will follow swiftly after him. GENEVIEVE: [laughs] It would be foolish of you to kill me, a potential ally, in defense of some powerless human who is, by the way, sleeping with your enemy Marcel. THE BAYOU [Hayley is pacing around outside by a fire as she talks to Jackson] HAYLEY: I've learned my lesson. At first I was against your plan. I thought that we should just live with Elijah's treaty, but after that party, those innocent people. There will never be a peace. The weak will always be at the mercy of whoever is calling the shots. JACKSON: It's survival of the fittest. We need to protect ourselves. And we we need to protect each other. HAYLEY: We need to use Klaus' help while he's still willing to give it. But, Jackson, from now on, you have to tell me everything. And no matter what, we do not trust Klaus. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Klaus returns home to find Elijah waiting for him, with his hands still bloody from killing Thierry] KLAUS: Well, I see that you've already avenged the little wolf. But judging by your look, you're still out for blood. ELIJAH: If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results, then surely my quest for your salvation ranks me as one of the maddest of men. KLAUS: Come on, then. What horrible deed has the b*st*rd done this time? ELIJAH: Do you know, in the past, I actually appreciated the methods to your manipulations? However, now, here we are, poised on the brink of a new era which will benefit not only your home but your child, and you go behind my back to conspire with wolves. KLAUS: Conspire is hardly the word I would use for a family council. Lest you forget, Elijah, they are my family as much as any Mikaelson. A name, in truth, I cannot even call my own. ELIJAH: How casually you disavow 1,000 years of allegiance towards you. KLAUS: And now that I've found the remnants of my other family, am I to ignore their plight? I would've thought you'd support my desire to help them, when in doing so, I help Hayley, and the child. ELIJAH: Do not question my allegiance towards that child. KLAUS: Oh, and I suppose your affection for Hayley has nothing to do with your tireless dedication. Yes, you see, I saw how you cared for her tonight. Called her name in the dark. The zeal with which you destroy those who would harm her. ELIJAH: I have denied every single impulse I have ever had for that woman. Out of some misbegotten respect for intentions that you don't even have. KLAUS: I'm warning you... ELIJAH: I'm warning you. I've forgiven you. I have stood by you. I've forsaken every single one of my desires in the name of your ridiculous redemption. No more. If I want something I'll take it. And nothing nothing will stand in my way. ROSSEAU'S [Klaus has arrived at Rousseau's to talk to Cami] CAMI: Klaus, what are you doing here? KLAUS: I came here to apologize. I've made a terrible mistake. CAMI: Whatever it is, you should sleep it off. I'm sure it can wait 'til morning. KLAUS: You went to Genevieve. She was moved by your plea. She may even have cured Kieran. But I insulted her. And as a means of revenge, she is refusing him aid. Kieran will die because of me, and it will be a horrible death. CAMI: Why are you telling me this? KLAUS: Because I believe that secrets are a poison. They need to be spat out. Like your secret...about your time with Marcel. CAMI: Isn't that what you wanted? You compelled me to go out with Marcel. You made me your spy. And maybe it's your fault we got together, and you're just mad because you didn't get to control it. KLAUS: You tell Marcel if I see him again, I'll kill him. THE BAYOU [Music plays as the werewolves all hang out together outside around a bonfire. Eve and Elijah are together nearby, talking] EVE: You don't need to keep coming out. I'd tell you if something was wrong. But she's doing okay. The girl has a natural gift for leading. She surprised everyone. ELIJAH: [smiles and watches Hayley laugh and talk to her family] Not everyone. EVE: Do you want to join us? ELIJAH: What I want Is for that girl to be happy. Don't tell her I was here. [Elijah disappears] OUTSIDE MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Marcel has covered Thierry's body and douses it in alcohol] MARCEL: This is Thierry Vanchure. Mean-ass horn player, lover of feisty women--witch, vampire, and human alike. [sighs] I rebuilt this city with him and he always had my back. Even when I screwed up and forgot to have his. And now All I can do is promise you this, T. I won't let you die in vain. I will take back our city. [Vampires start to jump down from rooftops around Marcel, including Diego] DIEGO: Going up against the Originals? For real, no backing down? MARCEL: No backing down. LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [The coven has gathered to discuss Genevieve's fate] MONIQUE: You failed us. GENEVIEVE: I told you. It will take time. MONIQUE: Do you think the ancestors care about your excuses? The vampires attacked us. We can't retaliate until we possess our full strength. Your sacrifice is the final step. [holds out Harvest knife] GENEVIEVE: [begins coughing and gasping due to Monique's spell] MONIQUE: [channels the ancestors] Nous concedumus sa vie a Genevieve. Si elle hecatage a filia de Mikaelson. GENEVIEVE: [gasps] What are they saying? MONIQUE: They told me to let you live. But in exchange, they want another offering. One of their choosing. GENEVIEVE: Tell me. Whatever it is they want, I will make sure they get it. I swear it. MONIQUE: It's the child. They want us to kill Klaus' child. [Genevieve looks shocked and afraid] END EPISODE Wiki

Genevieve asks Elijah to allow her coven to publicly celebrate a traditional feast day, where members of the community offer the witches gifts in return for blessings. Monique and Genevieve disagree over what the ancestors want from them, and Genevieve reveals her plan to build the witches power. When Elijah focuses his attention on restoring their home to its former glory, Klaus accuses him of doing it only to impress Hayley. Next, Klaus sets a new plan in motion by finding Cary, a werewolf from his own line, and sending him off to find a missing piece of family history. Marcel lets Thierry in on his new plan to rebuild his power, but Diego has his own ideas about the future. At the Feast of the Blessings, Monique and Genevieve try to use the ceremony to teach Davina a lesson, but Klaus intervenes and gives Davina a surprisingly important gift. While Hayley struggles to decide where her loyalties should lie, the ceremony explodes into violence.

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Stefan wakes up when his book falls on the floor.He hear some noise. Stefan:Damon? A Vampire Attacks him. Stefan: Lexi! Lexi:Hi. Stefan: What are you doing here? Lexi:How could you even ask that? Stefan:I missed you. Lexi:Happy Birthday. Stefan and Lexi are kidding in Stefan's room. Lexi: Stop . I don't know, some freak shot at me with wooden bullet . I bail in under sixty .And why is a news reporter hunting vampires ? Stefan: I don't know. Who knows about us . That guy did.There could be others . Do me a favor while you 're there ,please be careful. Lexi : Why stay? I'm headed to New-York for the week-end .Bon Jovi in the Garden ."Wanted dead or alive" , it's our theme song.It'll be blast. Stefan:Do you think he would actually remember us? That was a pretty crazy week-end huh? Lexi:We can make him remember us.Come on Let's go.I mean,What's keeping you here. Stefan:I told you her name is Elena. Lexi:Let's hope she's better than the last girl you got all sprung over. Stefan:Tou didn't even know Katherine. Lexi:Cause if I did I'd kick her ass .Little bitch. Speaking of... where's Damon? Stefan:Inflicting misery somewhere. you gonna be ok here alone? Cause I got some things I gotta take care of. Lexi:It's not exactly like I can go anywhere. And you and damon are the only ones whit these nifty little daylight rings. I'have a mood ring form seventy five trade ya. Stefan:Doesn't work that way and you know it. Lexi: Yeah. Stefan: Hey Lex I'm really glad that you came here. Lexi: What are we doing for your birthday ?It's not everyday a guy turn a hundred and sixty-two years old. Stefan:Really? Lexi:Oh yeah. Sheriff Forbes is asking questions about Vicki. Sheriff Forbes:Where did Vicky says she was going? Jeremy:She didn't. Sheriff Forbes: Did she tell her brother where she's going ? Matt : No she didn't say anything to me . She told Jeremy to tell me that she was leaving town. Sheriff Forbes:Is there anyone I can talk to that may know what happened to her prior to her living town ? Matt: Stefan Salvatore may know he came by the house to see her but she wouldn't talk to him. Sheriff Forbes:What was he doing here? Stefan: I was trying to help, i knew that elena was worried about her brother, he was dating vicky and she had drug problem so i tried to help. Sheriff Forbes:So you got involved because Elena asked you to? Elena:I asked stefan to help i thought that by helping vicky he was helping my brother. Sherif Forbes :What was her behavior like those last few days before she left ? Matt:Up and down , very sketchy like she was coming down from some major party. Sheriff Forbes:Any signs of agression or violence? Jeremy:No that I remember. Stefan:No. Elena:No. Sheriff Forbes:So you believe that Vicky has really left town? Matt:Yes. Stefan:Yes. Elena:Yes. Jeremy:I'll miss her but ...I thing it's for the best. Stefan is waiting Elena in front of the police station Stefan:I was tryin' to help her matt. That's all. Elena finally comes out . Elena: I'll meet you guys at the car. Jenna:Ok Stefan:You're okay ? Elena: I don't think the sheriff suspected anything . Jeremy had no memory at all . All he knew wa what Damon made him know. Stefan:Thank you. Elena:I can't do this stefan.Everytime I look at Matt or Jeremy ,all I tkink that vicky is never gonna come back. And they'llnever know why.Around you people get hurt and people die. I can't i just... it's just to much... Stefan:why don't we go somewhere and talk about it. Elena:No, Stefan you have to stay away from me. In stefan's room Lexi is sleeping Damon awake her. Lexi:Hmmm , Huh. Damon:Boo. Lexi: Rooh. Damon:Hello Lexi .What an unexpected surprise . Lexi:Unexpected Surprise? I think the wrong brother went back at high school. Damon:how long you here for? Lexi:Just for stefan's BDay. Damon: you mean you didn't come all this way to see me. Lexi:That's it Damon .After a century I finally realize death mean nothing without you. do me. Damon:why are you so mean to me. Lexi:have you met you? , you're not nice person. Damon :Because I'm a vampire. Lexi: But you're only the bad parts. Damon:Teach me to be good. Lexi takes him by the neck. Lexi:I'm older and that mean stronger. Damon: sorry. Lexi:Don't ruin my time with stefan cause I'll hurt you and you know I can do it . Damon:Yeah. At bonnie's house, Bonnie is packing her suitcase. Bonnie's Grand Mother: You're leavin' ? Bonnie:Dad doesn't like it when I stay here too much. Bonnie's Grand Mother:Because he misses you or because he doesn't trust me. You're father's problemis he lacks imagination. He thinks I fill your head with my whitchy juju . Bonnie:He's right. Bonnie's Grand Mother: He's always rights that's his other problem.You needto be wearing that. Bonnie: Igotta give it back to caroline it doesn't belong to me. Bonnie's Grand Mother: Yes it does it was your ancestor's and now it yours . Bonnie:Emily was your ancestor to why don't you wear it? Bonnie's Grand Mother:Because it didn't find me , it found you , protected you a which's talisman is a powerful tool don't be givin' that back to anybody. Bonnie:I just wish it was prettier. At Elena's home , Elena is sitting on the caoutch.Jenna comes and sits next to her.Jeremy is writting something behind them. Jenna: you're wallowing. Elena : So are you. Jenna: My wallow is legitimate. I was dumped. Elena:Yeah. Well logan 's a jerk. Jenna: You didn't get a brush-off e-mail say:" I'm leaving town see ya." Jeremy: Wanna keep it down over there. Jenna: Why? What are you doing? Jeremy: Homework. Elena:Since when do you do homework? Jeremy: I gotta finish this.i'm way behing and I have a quizz tomorrow so... Elena: What do you think ?Alien? Jenna:Some sort of replicant. Jeremy: he can hear you At sheriff's office , sheriff Forbes is dealing with paper , she receive a call. Sheriff Forbes:Yeah so send him in .[Damon enter to the office] Mister Salvatore come on in .Could you get the door for me? Damon:Sure. Sheriff Forbes:I understand from Mrs. Lockwood that your uncle's is out the town. Damon: Yes he is . but I spoke to Zach . He filled me in and asked me if I could bring this to you. Sheriff Forbes:Vervain. Damon: That's all we have at the moment I hope it's enough. Sheriff Forbes:It's a small circle ...Founding families , a few city officials. Damon:And your deputies, of course right? Are we any closer? Sheriff Forbes :I think our facts are wrong . We've always believed that vampires can only come out in the dark. What if that's changed. Damon:So is that even possible Sheriff Forbes: We've exhausted every other option . We have to consider the vampire may be walking around during the day.Right in front of us. Damon:Hum .So what's the next step? Sheriff Forbes: We are looking at anyone new to town ,since the deaths began. Should turn up a suspect or two. Damon:And I of course will do anything I can to help. Bonnie came in Elena's Bedroom. Bonnie: You Up ? Elena: No Bonnie tire la couverture, no, no. Bonnie: Why haven't you call me back? Elena :I'm sorry. Bonnie: Are you gonna stay in there forever? Elena:Yeah. Bonnie: Move over .I'm offically worried. what's going on? Elena: I'm tired of thinking ... of talking I... Bonnie: Can I get one-line versionso I can at least pretend to be helpful? Elena: Stefan and I broke up. Bonnie:I'm so sorry .Aare you ok ? Right stupid question. I know I've been kind of MIA when you need me the most.I suck. Elena:You wanna make it up to me .Get my mind off it . Bonnie: Just remember you asked for it . She destroy a pillow. Elena: Hey . Bonnie: Be patient . Elena: Ok. Bonnie: I need you to swear you to secrecy. Elena: It's king of a bad week for that kind of stuff. Bonnie: Swear cause I'm not suppose to be showing you this. Elena:Ok I swear. Bonnie:There's no windows open right. Elena: Right. Bonnie :There's no fan .No air conditionning. Elena: None.What are doing ? Bonnie:Grams just showed me this . You're gonna love it. You ready? Elena:Bonnie what's going on? Bonnie: It's true elena .Everything my grams tolds me. Elena: It's impossible. Bonnie: But it's true. I'm a witch. Elena: I believe you. Caroline meet Damon on the street Caroline: Look dungeon boy I'm done being your little slave girl . You seriously hurt me ,.And I will be damned if you think.. [He hypnotize her]Oh My god where have you been ?It's really good to see you. Damon: Much better .You wanna throw a party at the grill tonight. Caroline: Oh why don't you do it. Damon: Because then Stefan and his BFF won't come .I need a lot of people . Big crowd .Invite everyone. Caroline: And why am I having this party. Damon: Because you're gonna help me solve this town's little vampire problem .And I want my cristal back. Caroline:But Bonnie has it. Damon:I now that .Get it from her. Lexi and Stefan are speaking. Lexi:So this Elena girl .She'll come around. I'm sure of it.Have you had s*x yet. Stefan : No Lexi: s*x always work. Mean you'll rock her world so hard with your vamp s*x.She'll be yours forever forever. Stefan:Yeah,but see, this isn't about s*x or... or compulsion or anyof our other tricks. She has to want to be with me on her own terms. Lexi : Waouh that sounded all mature and grownd-up. Stefan: I'm not getting any older. She takes some blood. Lexi:Want some ? Stefan: No thank you. Lexi:Relax I didn't kill anyone for it .This phlebotomist i went out with a few times, he's my supplier. Oh don't judge ok? Listen I tried the animal diet lasted three weeks. Stefan: It doesn't matter . Cause if I started again ... I just don't know if... Lexi:You could stop. Stefan:Lexi I'd never judge you. Lexi:I'm just jealous of your restraint. I have none. I delight i hedonism . Speaking of which, what are we doing tonight? Damon:Funny you should ask. Lexi:Well I wasn't asking you. Damon:There's a party at the grill . You'll love it.Banquettes, Tacky wait staff, All Stefanf's friends. Stefan:Oh I don't want a Birthday party. Damon:Well,It's not for you. It's a party party. No one's gonna know it's your birthday.Caroline's throwing it. Stefan:Damon stay away from Caroline. Damon:We're friends it's cool.It's important for the town to see us out and about like normal folk.We need to blend.He looks at Lexi's stock of blood.I prefer mine at 98.6. Lexi:Let's Go.Please? Back to Bonnie and Elena in Elena's bedroom. Bonnie:It's Weird huh ? after all This times joking about being psychic.I really am a witch.You don't think I'm a freak do you? Elena:No of course not.Bonnie I just ...don't understand though .If your grams asked you to keep all this secret , why did you tell me ? Bonnie:You're my best friend.I can't keep secrets from you. Lexi going out of a shower. Lexi:I'm almost ready. Stefan : I can't believe you actually think that we should go on this thing Lexi:Sorry to asking you to run outside midday without your ring.I mean serioulsy it's a party. Stefan:A Party that Damon wants us to go to .So My question is why?I think he's up to something. Lexi:Who cares.What can he possibly of all those people in a public place. Stefan:He knows how to keep a low .Believe me. Lexi:Ok so he'll behave.Come on.One day a year I get you , one day that you're not brooding and existing in your own head. Stefan:It's my birthday yeah? Lexi:It's my day and that guy that jump naked in the Trevi fountain;And got drunk on the torch of the statue of Liberty.That guy can take a break from all of his worrying one night.And go to a stupid party.So quit your whining and go get ready. Stefan:Fine Elena arrives at stefan's place.She knocks on the door. Lexi:It's open come on in.[Elena come in] Oh My God! How...How...Who? Elena:I'm Elena who are you? Lexi:Lexi a friend of stefan's. Elena:Is he here? Lexi:He's in the shower do you want to wait? Elena:No. Lexi:I'll tell him you stopped by. Elena:That's okay. Lexi goes to Stefan's Bedroom , she seems furious. Lexi:Are you out of your freaking mind? Stefan:What are you talking about? Lexi:I've just met Eelena, you have some serious explaining to do.You have some serious emotion damage. Stefan:No it's not what you think, she's not Katherine. Lexi:So they're related cause they can be twins. Stefan:I don't know. Lexi:You don't know or you didn't find out? Stefan:No maybe i don't want to know. I have no desire to tie Elena to Katherine.Ok yes , yes the resemblance is what drew me in .But that's it.Katherine and Elena may look the same at the outside but at the inside they are completely different. Lexi:So Eelena is not a raging Bitch then huh? Stefan:No. Elena is ... Elena's warm and she's...she's kind, and carind ans she's selfless and it's real and honestly when I'm around her... I completely forget what I am. Lexi:Oh My god! you're in love with her. Stefan:Yeah I am. [SCENE_BREAK] At the mystic grill party Caroline:Amazing party right ? Damon:Glad you thought of it. Caroline:Well,have you having good time? Damon:Do you have my cristal? Caroline:No. Damon:Then i'm niot having a good time [Damon sees lexi]Where's my brother? Lexi:He said he'd meet me here. Damon:Buy you a ... Elena open the door , Stefan is behind it. Stefan:Hey Elena:What are you doing here? Stefan:Lexi said that you came by and you seem upset. Lexi:The girl in the towel. Stefan:The girl in the towel?.Oh no no no no not like that she's not exactly a girl she's just 350 years old Elena:You mean she's a... Stefan: And she's my oldest friend.Nothing romantic .Ever. Elena:Okay ,well ...she kept stop starring at me it was weird. Stefan:Yeah well i've talk about you a lot so...I guess she felt like she knew you.So why'd you come by? Elena:It was ; it was some mistake. Stefan:Elena talk to me. Elena:I can't.Stefan i can't and that's the problem I'm keeping all these secrets from everyone.I can't even tell my best friend . Do you know how hard that is?It's like I need to talk to someone but the only person I can talk to is you ...and. [SCENE_BREAK] Stefan:I want you to know that I will always be here for you .you can come to me about anything okay? Elena:Well ,thank you for coming by. Stefan: hey do you need a ride to the grill tonight. Elena:Are you going to caroline's party? Stefan:Lexi's dragging me and ...it's my birthday. Elena:Really? Waouh happy birthday then. Stefan:Thank you actually I ...I think I'm gonna stay in tonight. Stefan:Well have... have a good night. At the mystic grill , people having fun. Caroline:Bonnie I've been looking for you. I'm totally sorry to do this I know it's so indian giverand ,we're not supposed to say that anymore but I need my cristal back. Bonnie:Why ? You said you hated it. Caroline:then I saw it on you and I realize how great it is and I've got three outfits I can coordinate it with so... Bonnie: I can't give it back to you. Caroline: Well I didn't want to tell you this but I'm you friend ,when you wear it make you look fat there i said it but i's because I'm your friend so... Bonnie:I'm sorry caroline I can't. Caroline: What do you mean you can't ?Bonnie it's mine. Bonnie: I thought you said it was Damon's. Caroline:It is. Bonnie:So he's the one who really wants it back. Caroline:No maybe just... are you wearing polyester? Bonnie: You were really gonna pull it from my neck what the hell is wrong with you. Caroline: Argh! Stefan comes into the grill Stefan:Matt, just hear me out please I just tryin to help vicki, I went through something similar once, I'm really sorry. Matt:Don't be it's not the first time she's run off.Turn out vicki's like her mother I can't count on either of them, thanks for tryin. Damon runs into caroline Damon:Where is it? Caroline: Bonnie won't give it to me. Damon: So rip it off her neck. Caroline: I tried .It shocked me. Damon: Damn it .Why does it do that I need that cristal. Caroline:Why have you been like this .I'm s good to you and iId do anything it's just some stupid necklace. Damon: No you are the only stupid thing here .And shallow. And useless. Lexi is dancing , stefan find her. Lexi:Okay,I'm gonna need a litle more foot movement. Stefan: Yeah not really interested in making a fool out of myself. Lexi: Come on you're not that bad. Stefan: Do me a favor.Tell me if you see Damon with camera phone. Lexi:Right. Damon get out A girl: where are we going? Boy:No one's gonna see us... They kiss each other damon sees it. Girl:did you hear something? Boy:No it's cool. There's no one coming down here. Damon bites him the girl screams. Stefan is playing billiard. Stefan : Woo! Lexi:Nice! Elena's lookin at stefan Damon: Stefan smiles alert the media. Elena: You haven't give him a lot of reasons to be happy lately. Damon: No you're right poor stefan persecuted throughout eternity by this depraved brother, does it get tiring being so righteous? Elena: It flaresup in the presence of psychopath. Damon: Ouch! consider this psychopath's feelings get hurt. Elena: what did you do to my brother. Damon: I'm gonna need a less vague question. Elena: When you did what you did to jeremy's memory of vicky, what else did you do to him? Damon: You asked me to take away his memory of fangs and all the bad stuff .You wanted me to take away his suffering. Elena: But he's acting different he seems okay with everything and a little too okay.I mean he's studing , he's not doing drugs ,he's not drinkig, are you sure you didn't do something else? Damon:elena I took away the suffering. Bonnie stops caroline Bonnie: Caroline. Caroline:Don't talk to me. Bonnie:Don't do that let me explain. Caroline:What is there to explain Bonnie ?you got what you wanted... and something that doesn't even belong to you by the way and I get called a shallow , useless waste of space. Bonnie: Who said that to you? Caroline:Who do you think? Bonnie: You know that not true don't let him treat you like that. Caroline: As opposed o how my best friends treat me. Out a police officer in a car. Girl :Help me. On the bar Lexi:Two shots of tequila make that three. Barman: I need to see some ID. Lexi: No you don't. Barman:That'll be .. Lexi: Free. Barman: On the house. Lexi:Thanks. She goes away with tequila Lexi: Oh !The famous Elena. Elena: Towel girl Lexi:I've been called worse .Here. Elena: Yeah she took tequila I didn't know that you guys could drink. Lexi:Oh yeah it helps curb the cravings but makes for la lot of lushy vamps. Elena:I've never seen stefan drunk he always seem so... Lexi: Uptight? Elena: But now with you. Lexi:Well that the benefit for knoiwing someone for over a hundred years. You can just be yourself. Elena: Yeah he can't be himself with me. Lexi: Well not yet the first step is him telling you, the rest comes with time. Elena: You seems so sure. Lexi:The love of my life was human he went through , what I imagine you're going through denial,anger et cetera ..But at the end of the day love really did conquer all. Are you going to drikn that ? Elena: Go for it .I'm scared. Lexi:but you're here... cause you crazy about him I get it okay? I mean what's not to love . , Listen .Take it from someone who's been around a long time .When it's real , you can't walk away. Elena: Hey Lexi it has been really nice meeting you. Lexi rejoin stefan who is still playing. Lexi:Yep I drink yours sorry. Stefan:Thank you. Lexi:You weren't supposed to be listening I was feeling epic whatever . Outside. Sheriff Forbes: Keep this contained. Officer: That's not all. Sheriff:Hey hey did you see what did this?Tell me everything you saw. Elena rejoin Stefan. Elena:Hi! Stefan.Hey you came. Elena : I couldn't miss your hundredth and... whatever birthday. Caroline rejoin Matt. Matt:Oh hey! Caroline: I slim...I'm slipped.I slipped. Matt: Hammered huh? Caroline: Well ... a very nice but not handsome , bartender was very kind to me tonight.Unlike the rest of the global humanverse.Are those curly fries. Matt:Coffee for the drunk girl, bad night huh ? Caroline:Baddest .Am I shallow? Matt: It's that a trick question? Caroline: I don't mean to he . I wanna be deep .I wanna be, like ...the abyss deep. Matt:No offense,Care,but deep's really not your scene. Caroline:That's true I'm shallow,I am worst than shallow ,I'm a kiddie pool. Matt:You're not a kiddie pool . You're not a kiddie pool. Caroline:Can I just go home okay? Matt:I'll take you come on, you're ok , she's still alright,Hold still,Hold still. Outside Matt runs into Sheriff Forbes. Sherriff Forbes:What happened is she ok ? Caroline:Like you care. Sheriff Forbes:She's drunk? Caroline:As a skunk. Sheriff Forbes:Are they sirving you in there? Matt:I'll take her home .It's on my way . They haven't been drinking. Sheriff Forbes:iIwould apreciate that matt thank you . You and I will discuss this later. Caroline:Can't wait. Sheriff Forbes:Don't let anybody else leave. On the bar Lexi:All right ,the shots are bribe , I need you a answer to a question .What are you really doing in Mystic Falls? Damon:Have you try The Brittle .It wins award. Lexi: Cut the crap. Damon:Ok I have a diabolical master plan. Lexi:What is it? Damon:If I told you it wouldn't be very diabolical , would it? Sheriff forbes comes in with the girl. Sheriff Forbes: Look around let me know if you see him. Damon:What are you doing? Sheriff Forbes:thank you for the vervain; now if you'll excuse me. Stefan:Oh my god! Elena:What is it? Stefan:Excuse me sorry Officier: Can't go out this way Outside Damon Kills Lexi. Stefan :Oh my god! Lexi:Why? Damon: It's part of the plan, you okay? Sheriff Forbes:Thank you .Get her in the car quickly. Damon:All right. Inside The Grill Barman:Lady I checked everyone's identity. Sheriff Forbes:Yeah apparently you didn't. She sees Damon. Sheriff Forbes: Pretty handy with that stake. Damon:It Just ...reflex .I guess the adrenaline kicked in. Sheriff Forbes:This nightmare is finally over. Damon:Yeah call a lucky break with that witness, without her you wouldn't have been able to ID the vampire. Sheriff Forbes:Wery lucky,well thank you again. Damon:You're welcome. In Carolines Bedroom. Matt:You gonna be ok? Caroline:No .Do you ever feel like there's not a person in the world that loves you? Matt:Life can be a litte rough. Caroline: I just wish... Matt:What? Caroline: Wish that life was... different. Matt:Yeah me too. Caroline:Please ...don't leave me alone. Outside the grill. Elena:Stefan ! Stefan! Stefan:He killed her,he killed zach , he killed tanner he turned vicky , I have to kill him. Elena:No you can't do that. Stefan: Why are you tryin to save him ?Elena he's never gonna change. Don't you see that? He's not gonna change. Elena:I'm not tryin to save him, I'm tryin to save you ,you have no idea what this will do to you ,please Stefan. Stefan:Everywhere I'd been pain and death follow, Damon follows me .No more. Elena:Stefan please. Please just talk to me ;Let me be here for you . Talk to me. Stefan: No. You were right to stay away from me. In Salvatore's house. Damon:Told you to take care of it.Come on I did this for you. To get them off our trail. Stefan:You never do anything for anyone but yourself. Damon:You missed. Stefan:No you saved my life .I'm sparing yours, we're even.And now we're done. In Bonnie's Dream ,she runs in the woods. Emily: It's comming. Bonnie Wakes up in wood near to the old church.

An old vampire friend of Stefan's arrives in Mystic Falls, the 350-year-old Lexi (Guest star Arielle Kebbel ). She makes Elena realize the value of love, and helps her to take the first step towards renewing a relationship with Stefan. Meanwhile, Jeremy stops doing drugs and putting off homework after Damon alters his memory of Vicki's death. Elena asks Damon if there is anything else that he did to her brother but all Damon says is that he "removed the suffering". Damon gives a box of vervain to Sheriff Forbes and she reveals to him all of the vampire hunters in town... unaware about his true nature. Damon frames Lexi for the death of a local boy by altering his girlfriend's memory and changing her testimony. The police apprehend Lexi. Outside the bar, Damon stakes Lexi and kills her before she can attack the sheriff or reveal his secret. Stefan is furious about what has been done to Lexi and tells Elena that she was right by ending things with him, then he takes off and attacks Damon, but stops short of killing him. He spares Damon's life to repay Damon for saving him from Logan. While wearing the amber crystal Bonnie has a nightmare and she wakes up in a cemetery.

fd_The_Walking_Dead_04x12

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] I don't cry any more, Daryl. Are you okay? Just tired of losing people, so? I'm low on the ammo. Run by the bus. I'll cover you. Beth! Where is Beth? I'm just trying to find the kids, to get them on the bus. We gotta go back. We gotta go. We aren't the only survivors. We can't be. ( insects chirping ) ( thunder rumbling ) ( leaves rustling ) Come on. ( thunder rumbling ) ( clicking ) ( rustling ) Come on. ( walkers growling ) ( thunder rumbles ) ( walkers growling ) ( thumping on car ) ( thunder booms ) ( growling intensifies ) ( heavy pounding ) ( growling, thunder stops ) ( feet shuffling ) ( pounding ) ( birds chirping ) ( theme music playing ) ( clanging ) ( rattling ) ( hisses ) Beth: I need a drink. Beth: No, I mean a real drink. As in alcohol. I've never had one. 'Cause of my dad. But he's not exactly around anymore, so... I thought we could go find some. Okay. Well, enjoy your snake jerky. Jerk. ( growling ) ( gasps ) ( thuds ) ( twig snaps ) Beth: I think we made it a way. I'm pretty sure we got to go that way to find the booze. ( clanging ) Beth: What the hell? You brought me back. I'm not staying in this suck-ass camp. Hey! Daryl: You had your fun. Beth: What the hell is wrong with you? Do you feel anything? Yeah, you think everything's screwed. I guess that's a feeling. So you want to spend the rest of our lives staring into a fire and eating mud snakes? Screw that. We might as well do something. I can take care of myself and I'm gonna get a damn drink. Golfers like to booze it up, right? Come on. Might be people inside. ( thunder rumbling ) ( rattling ) Come on. ( walkers snarling ) ( snarling ) Beth: Why are you keeping all that stuff? ( banging on door ) Come on. ( water dripping ) ( bottle clinks ) ( pans clang ) ( growling ) ( gasps ) ( grunting ) ( panting ) Beth: Thanks for the help. Daryl: You said you could take care of yourself. You did. ( clock chimes ) ( ticking ) ( gasps ) Beth: Help me take her down. Daryl: It don't matter. She's dead. Beth: It does matter. Daryl: Here. ( clock ticking ) ( clock chiming ) Okay. ( walkers growling ) Move. ( walkers growling ) ( grunting ) ( gasps ) ( panting ) Beth: We made it. I know you think this is stupid. And it probably is. But I don't care. All I wanted to do today was lay down and cry, but we don't get to do that. So beat up on walkers if that makes you feel better. I need to do this. ( glass shatters ) Did you have to break the glass? No. Daryl: You have your drink yet? Beth: No. But I found this. Peach schnapps. Is it good? Daryl: No. Beth: Well, it's the only thing left. Who needs a glass? ( darts thunking ) ( Beth crying ) Daryl: Ain't gonna have your first drink be no damned peach schnapps. Come on. Beth: A motorcycle mechanic. Daryl: Huh? Beth: That's my guess. For what you were doing before the turn. Did Zack ever guess that one? Daryl: It don't matter. Hasn't mattered for a long time. It's just what people talk about, you know, to feel normal. Daryl: Yeah, well, that never felt normal to me. Found this place with Michonne. Beth: I was expecting a liquor store. Daryl: No, this is better. Beth: What's that? Daryl: Moonshine. Come on. ( blows ) Daryl: All right. That's a real first drink right there. What's the matter? Beth: Nothing. It's just... my dad always said bad moonshine can make you go blind. Daryl: Ain't nothing worth seeing out there anymore anyway. Beth: That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. Second round's better. ( chuckles ) Daryl: Slow down. Beth: This one's for you. Daryl: No, I'm good. Beth: Why? Daryl: Someone's got to keep watch. Beth: So, what, you're like my chaperone now? Daryl: Just drink lots of water. Beth: Yes, Mr. Dixon. ( chuckles ) Beth: Who'd go into a store and walk out with this? Daryl: My dad, that's who.Oh, he's a dumbass. He'd set those up on top of the TV set, use them as target practice. Beth: He shot things inside your house? Daryl: It was just a bunch of junk anyway. That's how I knew what this place was. That shed out there, my dad had a place just like this. You got your Dumpster chair. That's for sitting in and your drawers all summer drinking. Got your fancy buckets. That's for spitting chaw in after your old lady tells you to stop smoking. You got your internet. ( walker growling ) It's just one of 'em. Should we get it? If he keeps making too much noise, yeah. Beth: Well, if we're gonna be trapped again, we might as well make the best of it. Unless you're too busy chaperoning, Mr. Dixon. Daryl: Hell, might as well make the best of it. Home, sweet home. Beth: So first I say something I've never done and if you have done it, you drink, and if you haven't, I drink. Then we switch. You really don't know this game? Daryl: I never needed a game to get lit before. Wait, are we starting? How do you know this game? My friends played. Beth: I watched. Okay, I'll start. I've never shot a crossbow. So now you drink. Daryl: Ain't much of a game. Beth: That was a warm-up. Now you go. Daryl: I don't know. Beth: Just say the first thing that pops into your head. Daryl: I've never been out of Georgia. Beth: Really? Okay, good one. I've never... been drunk and did something I regretted. Daryl: I've done a lot of things. Beth: Your turn. Daryl: I've never been on vacation. Beth: What about camping? Daryl: No, that was just something I had to learn to hunt. Beth: Your dad teach you? Daryl: Mm-hmm. Beth: Okay. I've never... been in jail. I mean, as a prisoner. Daryl: Is that what you think of me? Beth: I didn't mean anything serious. I just thought, you know, like the drunk tank. Even my dad got locked up for that back in the day. Daryl: Drink up. Beth: Wait. Prison guard. Were you a prison guard before? Daryl: No. Beth: It's your turn again. Daryl: I'm gonna take a piss. ( jar shatters ) Beth: You have to be quiet. Daryl: Can't hear you! I'm taking a piss! Beth: Daryl, don't talk so loud. Daryl: What, are you my chaperone now? ( urinating ) ( zipper zips ) [SCENE_BREAK] Daryl: Oh, wait. It's my turn, right? I've never-- never eaten frozen yogurt. Never had a pet pony. Never got nothing from Santa Claus. Never relied on anyonefor protection before. Hell, I don't think I've ever relied on anyone for anything. Beth: Daryl. Daryl: Never sung out in front of a big group out in public like everything was fun. Like everything was a big game. I sure as hell never cut my wrists looking for attention. ( thuds ) ( walker growling ) Daryl: Sounds like our friend out there is trying to call all of his buddies. Beth: Daryl, just shut up. Daryl: Hey, you never shot a crossbow before? I'm gonna teach you right now. Come on. It's gonna be fun. Beth: We should stay inside. Daryl, cut it out! Daryl! Daryl: Dumbass. Come here, dumbass. Beth: Daryl. Daryl: You want to shoot? Beth: I don't know how. Daryl: Oh, it's easy. Come here. Right corner. Beth: Let's practice later. Daryl: Come on, it's fun. Beth: Just stop it. Daryl! Daryl: Come here. Eight ball. Beth: Just kill it! Daryl: Come here, Greene. Let's pull these out. Get a little more target practice. What the hell you do that for? I was having fun. Beth: No, you were being a jackass. If anyone found my dad-- Don't. That ain't remotely the same. Killing them is not supposed to be fun. Daryl: What do you want from me, girl, huh? Beth: I want to you stop acting like you don't give a crap about anything. Like nothing we went through matters. Like none of the people we lost meant anything to you. It's bullshit! Daryl: Is that what you think? Beth: That's what I know. Daryl: You don't know nothing. Beth: I know you look at me and you just see another dead girl. I'm not Michonne. I'm not Carol. I'm not Maggie. I've survived and you don't get it 'cause I'm not like you or them. But I made it and you don't get to treat me like crap just because you're afraid. Daryl: I ain't afraid of nothing. Beth: I remember. When that little girl came out of the barn after my mom. You were like me. And now God forbid you ever let anybody get too close. Daryl: Too close, huh? You know all about that. You lost two boyfriends, you can't even shed a tear. Your whole family's gone, all you can do is just go out looking for hooch like some dumb college bitch. Beth: Screw you. You don't get it. Daryl: No, you don't get it! Everyone we know is dead! Beth: You don't know that! Daryl: Might as well be, 'cause you ain't never gonna see 'em again. Rick. You ain't never gonna see Maggie again. Beth: Daryl, just stop. Daryl: No! The Governor rolled right up to our gates. Maybe if I wouldn't have stopped looking. Maybe 'cause I gave up. That's on me. Beth: Daryl. Daryl: No-- And your dad. Maybe-- maybe I could have done something. ( crying ) Beth: I get why my dad stopped drinking. Daryl: You feel sick? Beth: Nope. I wish I could feel like this all the time. That's bad. Hmm. You're lucky you're a happy drunk. Yeah, I'm lucky. Some people can be real jerks when they drink. Daryl: Yeah, I'm a dick when I'm drunk. Merle had this dealer.This janky little white guy. A tweaker. One day we were over at his house watching TV. Wasn't even noon yet and we were all wasted.Merle was high.We were watching this show and Merle was talking all this dumb stuff about it. And he wouldn't let up. Merle never could. Turns out it was the tweaker's kids' favorite show. And he never sees his kids, so he felt guilty about it or something. So he punches Merle in the face. So I started hitting the tweaker, like, hard. As hard as I can. Then he pulls a gun, sticks it right here. He says, "I'm gonna kill you, bitch." So Merle pulls his gun on him. Everyone's yelling. I'm yelling. I thought I was dead. Over a dumb cartoon about a talking dog. Beth: How'd you get out of it? Daryl: The tweaker punched me in the gut. I puked. They both started laughing and forgot all about it. You want to know what I was before all this? I was just drifting around with Merle... doing whatever he said we were gonna be doing that day. I was nobody. Nothing. Some redneck asshole and an even bigger asshole for a brother. Beth: You miss him, don't you? I miss Maggie. I miss her bossing me around. ( laughs ) I miss my big brother Shawn. He was so annoying and overprotective. ( laughs ) And my dad. I thought-- I hoped he'd just live the rest of his life in peace, you know? I thought Maggie and Glenn would have a baby. And he'd get to be a grandpa. And we'd have birthdays and holidays and summer picnics. And he'd get really old. And it'd happen, but it'd be quiet. It'd be okay. He'd be surrounded by people he loved. ( laughs ) That's how unbelievably stupid I am. That's how it was supposed to be. I wish I could just... change. Daryl: You did. Beth: Not enough. Not like you. It's like you were made for how things are now. Daryl: I'm just used to it, things being ugly. Growing up in a place like this. Well, you got away from it. I didn't. You did. Maybe you got to keep on reminding me sometimes. No. You can't depend on anybody for anything, right? I'll be gone someday. Stop. Daryl: I will. Beth: You're gonna be the last man standing. You are. You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon. Daryl: You ain't a happy drunk at all. Beth:Yeah, I'm happy.I'm just not blind. You got to stay who you are, not who you were. Places like this, you have to put it away. What if you can't? You have to. Or it kills you. Here. We should go inside. We should burn it down. ( laughs ) Daryl: We're gonna need more booze. ( music playing ) there's bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet no matter where you live there'll alwaysbe a few things maybe several things that you're gonna find really difficult to forgive... You wanna? Hell, yeah. there's gonna come a day when you feel better your eyes are free and easy on that day and float from branch to branch lighter than the air just when that dayis coming who can say?who can say? our mother has been absent ever since we founded Rome but there's gonnabe a party when the wolf comes home I'm gonna get myselfin fighting trim scope out every angle of unfair advantage I'm gonna bribethe officials I'm gonna kill all the judges it's gonna takeyou people years to recoverfrom all of the damage our mother has been absent ever since we founded Rome but there'sgonna be a party when the wolf comes home Oh!

Beth continues to travel with Daryl, and becomes distraught she might die before having a drink of alcohol, something Hershel prevented her from having. After scavenging through a country club and only finding peach schnapps, Daryl takes her to a cabin he had found earlier that was used to make moonshine, and tells her that is a proper drink. As they get inebriated, Daryl sadly discusses his past and what Merle meant to him. They decide to burn down the cabin as a way of putting their past behind them.

fd_NCIS__Los_Angeles_06x13

fd_NCIS__Los_Angeles_06x13_0

Car is ready, Ambassador. Thank you. Let's go. This is for the benefit of the State Department. I get it. We'll finish this conversation in Tunis. Okay. See you in a week. (tires squealing) (rapid gunfire) (gasps) Man: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! (indistinct shouting) (rapid gunfire) Get her out through the back! I'll hold 'em off as long as I can. Yes, sir. Ma'am, with me. Let's go. (gunfire continues) (grunts, woman screams) Go! Fall back! Soldier (in distance): Fall back! Fall back! NCIS: LA 6x13 Spiral Original Air Date on January 19, 2015 [SCENE_BREAK] Kensi: How bad is it? We know about as much as you. Eric: That's great, 'cause we know nothing. We need everyone up in the... Okay... whew! Granger: Glad you could make it. Two hours ago, the consulate in Sfax, Tunisia, sent out a critical message that they were under attack-- Jones. NSA found this on Al Tunis Brigade's internal e-mail system, just 30 minutes after the attack. Eric: We just downloaded this. I haven't had a chance to analyze it yet. Sam: Who's that security detail protecting? That's Ambassador Nancy Kelly. Callen: And the officer next to her? Military attach Tom Harris. Sam: Harris. He's a squared away sailor. Good man. Ambassador Kelly and part of her detail escaped through the back of the compound and returned safely to the embassy in Tunis. Unfortunately, local assets confirmed that two American lives were lost. Hetty: I'm sorry, Sam. Commander Harris and one of the ambassador's security detail, a Mr. Clayton Waters, did not survive the attack. Any security footage from inside the consulate building? Eric: That's a negative. They cut the power during the attack. Granger: We assume that Harris and Waters were shot trying to buy time for the ambassador's escape. That sounds like Harris-- gun, rather than run. Since Attach Harris was Navy, we'll join in the investigation with the FBI. They'll be in the lead. Eric: I'm conferencing in FBI Agent Brad Reese. He's the ALAP for the U.S. Embassy in Tunis. We're grateful to have your team working with us. Sam: Any Intel or advance warning that someone was gonna try to assassinate Ambassador Kelly? Negative. The RSO runs a tight ship here. We haven't seen anything that would point to something like this. These images that I'm sending you over right now were found on the dark side of Al Tunis Brigade's Web site in the days prior to the attack. Callen: Yeah, typical pre-attack surveillance. Deeks: Establishing patterns for the target. The State Department and the FBI are both working on the assumption that this was an assassination attempt on Ambassador Kelly. If they'd succeeded, this would have been the seventh U.S. ambassador killed by terrorists. Will you be heading back to the consulate to process the scene? No, I'll be heading back to the U.S. for a debrief tonight. State says the area is still too dangerous. Could be weeks before it cools down enough for agents to go in and process the crime scene. Callen: This has to be done now, or there's not gonna be any evidence! We'll have another Benghazi on our hands. No answers, just conspiracies. Well, the terrorists are in complete control of the area. Which is something I can't allow. Harris was a friend. I can't let this pass without answers. Can we send in military to secure the area? The host government has made it abundantly clear, any large footprint from military or law enforcement will be considered an illegal occupation. What about a small footprint? Navy could get us in there off the books, under the radar. Well, if you can get in, we do have equipment that will make your limited time on target worthwhile. (sighs heavily) Kensi: So what's the plan? Would you see if Harris gave his commanders any Intel on terror threats? Wait. We're not going with you? It's too dangerous for a full team. We're gonna travel light and fast. Besides, if anything goes bad, it's better if it's just us. If anything goes bad, it's better if we're there to help. You guys go visit Harris's commander. Let us know what you find. Come on. Who's gonna have your back? He is. He's got mine. Be safe. See you in a few days. See you. (knocking on door) Woman: Captain Beck? The agents are here to see you. Thank you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Harris was one of the best men Have a seat. Thank you. How can I help you folks? What can you tell us about Commander Harris's activities in Tunisia, prior to the attack? Typical attach work. Hosting dignitaries, meet and greets, formal functions, that sort of thing. He didn't mention anything that would indicate that he was concerned about the ambassador's well-being and safety? No. He would have reported back to me on something like that. Kensi: Are you aware of anything unusual that may have been going on at the consulate? Like what? Something that may raise the ire of terrorists looking to justify an attack. Nothing can justify what those savages did. That's not what my partner meant. We simply want to figure out why they decided to come after the ambassador now. I have no idea. How often did you communicate with Commander Harris? By phone or e-mail, pretty much weekly. Mostly small talk. When's the last time you saw him? When he was back in the States for a couple of weeks last summer. Has he been back to the U.S. since? No. He was about due for his next R&R. He gets two a year. Okay. Um... I think we're all done here. Thank you very much. And, of course, feel free to call us if you think of anything pertinent. Kensi: Thanks. Off of the record, with those who think assassinations and car bombs are tools of diplomacy. I want you to find out who did this, and I want you to kill him. Good luck. See you at the exfil. Copy that. Sam: Government-issued BDUs, night vision goggles. Not your typical Jihadi kit. Yeah, scavenged from the consulate attack. Eric: We're up and running, guys. You got the feed. Callen: Eric, keep an eye on these boys. We got you covered. (speaking local language) Sam, status. We're headed for the safe room now. (tapping keys) Sam: Oh, man. Eric: What is it, Sam? Bodies are still in the safe room. They haven't moved 'em. Door hinge is bent. Got to make sure these guys get brought home. They will be. But right now our mission is is to find evidence to bring their killers to justice. Sam. LIDAR ready to scan. Turning LIDAR on. How do we know if it's working? Callen: Ow. It's working. Unfortunately, we're not gonna be as stealth as we had wanted to be, not with these guys wearing night vision goggles. They'll see the lasers through the windows. We're gonna need more than that. Scanning the northwest corner of the room. Something's up. Look. Eric: Guys, one of the guards just ran to the front gate to alert the others. Looks like they're headed your way. So much for having two minutes. Almost done. This is my last corner. Granger: Callen, Sam, you have to get out now. Come on, G, we got to beat feet. Ten more seconds. Hetty: Pull out, Mr. Callen. The terrorists are out of our field of view. Hetty: Pull out, Mr. Callen. That's an order. G, we got to roll. Three seconds is all I... Ah! Nell: Callen? Sam? (gunfire stops) Hetty: Mr. Callen? (static over radio) Callen: We're out. Heading to the exfil rally point. They're out. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. We aren't the highest priority at the DoD right now, and satellites in the area are a little overtaxed. Excuses lead to abuses. Owen, please. Oh. There you are. You guys gave me a heart attack. Almost gave you a heart attack? Imagine that. What does not kill us, only... Makes me want to kill you. We got what we needed. That was our assignment. Yeah, let's just hope you got what we needed. I'm uploading the LIDAR data now. Use your wizardry to make it work, Gandalf. FBI's moving their equipment into the gym to help work the case. Coincidentally, while you were waiting for your exfil, several... suspected members of the Al Tunis Brigade boarded an Air France flight to Paris, with a direct connection to Mexico City. You contact FBI and Homeland Security? Yes, and Border Patrol. Now, we'll catch them if they cross through a border cross point. But the problem is they probably won't. They're more likely to try and sneak in. What's up, boys? How's the, uh, honeymoon going? Really? You two want to go there? Oh, no, not us two. Keep me out of this. Callen: You guys have any luck? Commander Harris's boss, Captain Beck, said that Harris had typical foreign services work, nothing exciting or out of the ordinary. Eric, let me know if you find anything. You know it. Welcome home, Agent Reese. Thank you. Deeks (southern accent): You buildin' a fort? 3-D evidence printers, capable of reproducing evidence smaller than the naked eye can detect. Kensi and Deeks: Wow. Can you build me a Stretch Armstrong doll? What? What? Ignore him. Was the data that Callen and Sam collected adequate? Oh, couldn't have been better. Good. Soon, this will all be an exact replica of the U.S. Consulate safe room, down to the most minute detail. And then, after that, you can build me a Stretch Armstrong doll? I'm just kidding. What I really need is, like, a-a Hetty bobblehead doll. Oh, my gosh. Would you stop? What? I'm just saying. We could put it on the dashboard... Hey, guys? Hey. We found something. Captain Beck told you he hadn't seen Commander Harris since he returned home last summer, right? Right. Well, State Department records show that Beck traveled back from a two-week trip to the consulate in Tunisia, just two days prior to the attack. And consulate security logs indicate that he spent most of that time in closed-door meetings with Harris. Why would Beck lie to us about paying a subordinate a visit? Maybe it's not the trip that he's hiding. Maybe it's the subject of those closed-door meetings. Maybe we have to pay Captain Beck another visit. Woman: I'm sorry, can I help you? Kensi: No, we do not need help. Thank you. I'm sorry, sir. I don't... Please hold my calls, Ms. Tucker. I have nothing to add to what I've already told you. Captain, you know it's a federal offense to make false statements in a federal investigation. I did not make... Sir, it would behoove you not to compound your prior lack of candor with more lies. We know you lied about the last time you saw Harris. Deeks: And you so conveniently forgot to mention the fact that you recently visited him in Tunisia. My interactions with my subordinates have nothing to do with your investigations. Besides, it's well above your pay grade. It may be above our pay grade, but it's not above our security clearance. Kensi: Captain, you knew Harris. He was a good man, and he deserves to be laid to rest properly. And so do his assailants. I'm sorry. I'm afraid I can't tell you anything else. Captain, please... I'd appreciate it if you would just leave my office, please. Sir. (machine whirring) Whoa. Is it just me or is this a little freaky? It's weird. Yeah. Tell me about it. No, no. Check it out. What's missing here? (phone ringing) Kensi: The hell is he hiding? Deeks: I don't know. I know what he's hiding behind. Hey, Callen, you guys back yet? Yeah. Hey, look, we got a problem over here. We're looking at the 3-D recreation. There's no visible entrance or exit wounds. Don't forget we can't see the underside of the bodies. The entrance wound could be underneath them, and there may not be an exit wound. Sam: Yeah, but there's no signs of blood pooling either, and their body positioning indicates... they died of smoke inhalation. There's no blunt trauma. Either way, we have a very different scenario. Why don't you guys head back. All right. Well, we'll see you in 20 minutes. Callen and Sam think they found something. Blue Chevy Malibu, your 12 o'clock. Holding four guys. Now there's three. One of them is now at your two o'clock with a gray sport coat. You see him? I do. Okay, now we got one guy pulling a briefcase out of the back of that car. Might be private security. Either way, I don't like it. You got my back? Always. Ow. Gun! Federal agents. Stop! Freeze! Freeze! (engine revs, tires screech) (tires screeching) Kensi: Eric, I need you to find a blue Chevy Malibu north on Flower. Got it, Kens. You okay? Yeah. Better than that guy. Tunisian government negotiated the release of Waters' and Harris's bodies. They're on their way home. Good. Leave no man behind. Guys, Kensi and Deeks were just in a shooting outside Beck's office. Where are they? Eric: Heading back. They're okay. They took out one of the shooters, still trying to find the rest. What the hell happened? We're... putting the pieces together now. But check it. Going over the video again, we found this. They're carrying RPGs. If you've got rockets and your intent is to kill the ambassador, why would you let her go into a secure building? Eric: But wait, there's more. Act now and we'll throw in this, compliments of the FBI, taken in Koreatown this morning. Nell: The Feds have this bank under surveillance because of suspected ties to terror financing. But that's not all. This limited time offer also gets you this guy. That's right. It's the shooter that Kensi and Deeks just killed outside of Beck's office. Granger: Same guy. I think you just confirmed the bank's ties to terror financing. Now, the angle of their faces in relationship to the camera isn't ideal, but facial recognition gives 60% probability that at least two of the men are the same men from the consulate attack video. Granger: Get these photos out in a BOLO to all law enforcement in the area with a warning not to approach, just to notify NCIS and FBI if they're spotted. On it. Gentlemen, I've just been informed that Ambassador Kelly would like to see our replica of the consulate crime scene. The ambassador is here in L.A.? Well, she's here for Commander Harris's burial, day after tomorrow, at Los Angeles National Cemetery. Sam: That's why these guys are in L.A. They're here for another attempt at the ambassador. No bullet holes in the walls, bodies or floor. Really bad shooting. Most of these guys just pray and spray. There's a pretty clear boot print here. Yeah, looks like the breacher has some weight to him; this would be about a size 13. Take a picture, see if Eric and Nell can find something. [SCENE_BREAK] Deeks: What's up, gentlemen? You guys good? Deeks: Peachy. What's the status on the ambassador? Callen: We alerted her security detail, as well as the local authorities. Reese: The FBI's all over it as well. Kensi: Question is, why were those guys at Captain Beck's office? And, uh, was that money for him? Well, he's gotta know something went down, because of the shooting. No, we told him it was drug related, so that should buy us some time. Kensi: Yeah. Eric: Oh, man! This is like the world's greatest Lego set. Do you have any idea what I could do with this? Eric, do you have something for us? Oh, yes, sir. I have something that you're going to like very, very much. Nell: Turns out our evasive Captain Beck has some mysterious contacts. So we did a little backtracking and we located security camera footage of Beck in the parking garage of his Navy office, in the alleyway behind a coffee shop in Beverly Hills... and on the lowest level of a parking garage in Santa Monica. Eric: We've tracked much of Beck's recent local movements, and he only meets this individual in secluded spots. Hmm. Super Secret Squirrel stuff. Callen: Go back to the photo in the alley. Can you get in any tighter? Huh. That's CIA. I worked with him in Russia. '97. Went by the name of Otto. Otto? Well, it was in Moscow. I worked with him again, two years later, in Caracas, and he was going by the name Steve. Sounds like the CIA. Would you be able to locate him? I could pull a few strings. Deeks: Wow. Now I know how Mr. Magoo felt. Who? Magoo. Seriously? "Oh-ho-ho, Magoo! You've done it again!" What?! Deeks: Seriously? Nothing? Whew! Wow. Obviously before your time. My time is your time, so how is that possible, Einstein? Because you don't have an appreciation for vintage animation. And if by that you mean I don't like old cartoons, no, I don't. Deeks: First off, the word "cartoon" is demeaning to the art form. And secondly... (coughs) ...cartoons are cool. Oh, yeah? You think they're cool? Yeah, I think they're rad. How rad do you think they are? I think they're awesome possum. How awesome possum? Reese: What is this? This? Oh, don't worry about this. It's just adorable partner banter. You're gonna come to love this. No, here. Deeks: Oh, wow. Looks like you invited him to dinner at your house, because there is human bite marks on that piece of paper. Kensi: There are also marks that look like writing indentations. Deeks: Well, let's get Eric to see what it says. Callen: Partial document in Harris's hand. Looks like one word stands out-- "Dogleg." Sounds like a codename. Let's see if the CIA can shed some light on it. Let me handle this guy. Hey, buddy, how the hell are you? Good. This is my partner, Huggy. Walter. Pleasure to meet you, Huggy. Well, it's been a while. What can I do you for? Well, I got a couple questions I think you might be able to help us with, Wally. Uh, you know I hate, uh, "Wally," Butch. Come on. Yeah. Show some respect, Butch. I'm sor... I'm sorry. It-it slipped my mind. What can you tell us about Dogleg? Nothing. I'm not much of a golfer. Uh-huh. Callen: I get it. But two good men died in Tunisia and I know you got information that could help us find the killers. Sorry, but you're barking up the wrong flagpole. Callen: Walter, we got another Benghazi here. Never been to Tunisia. Or Benghazi. Sorry. Is that it? No, that's not it. A friend of mine died while trying to eat a document that referred to Dogleg, so I'd appreciate some genuine cooperation. Sam: Don't look at him, look at me. I believe he was trying to protect whatever Dogleg is. I want to know what was so important that he was trying to protect it and not himself. I shouldn't tell you anything. G? Relax, Hugs. I didn't say I wouldn't, I said I shouldn't. Now, I'm only gonna point you in a direction; the rest is up to you to figure out. DOGLEG is the code name of a top secret black op in Tunisia. I oversaw it for the CIA. Doing what? There's a lot of good undercover people on the ground there. Answer the question. Look, I warned them it'd piss off the natives. Like I said, you want to find out more, you're gonna have to do it on your own, gents. Hey... and keep your heads down. You're just gonna let him walk away? I can't exactly hold him here, Hugs. Where the hell he go? That's why they call 'em spooks. Don't you ever get sick of drinking that stuff? You probably have enough tannins in your system to turn you into a suede handbag. Do you actually have anything on your mind, Assistant Director? Or are you just looking for a kitten to kick? Are you comfortable bringing the ambassador here? I am. Hasn't been the safest place lately. And we still don't know who our mole was working for. Then this should be a good test of our security. So we got nothing on your friend Otto. He, like, disappeared. But we do have this, from the consulate's outer security cameras prior to the attack. I don't see anything. Oh, uh, um... just bear-bear with me. Hold on... Bu-bu-bu-bu... Maybe you should just tell us what it was. Eric: Uh... y... I-I could, but it would... it's more of like a visual. Things would just... just hang tight. Why don't you text us when you find it? No, no, wait! I got it, I got it, I got it. Ambassador Kelly and Commander Harris. Trouble in paradise? (phone buzzing) Maybe Kensi can read her lips. Sam: It's gonna have to wait. Ambassador's rolling up. Madame Ambassador, right this way. And we'll come in here. This is the 3D render of the crime scene. This is FBI Special Agent Reese... Reese: Ma'am. Hetty: ...and LAPD Detective Deeks... Ambassador. Hetty: ...and NCIS Special Agents Blye... Hi. ...Callen, and Hanna. Ma'am. Sam: Madam. You're the two who recovered all this evidence? Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Thank you. We'll find justice for them. Kelly: They died so I could live. No one can ever repay such a debt. Callen: Ma'am, is it possible we could have a moment of your time? Certainly. How can I be of assistance? Sam: We have some conflicting hypotheses about the terrorist attack, which we were hoping you could help clarify. You can have a seat here. Thank you. The terrorists had RPGs, yet they didn't use them. No bullet holes in the walls or the bodies. It appears they died of smoke inhalation because the terrorists were trying to smoke 'em out. I don't understand. Callen: Ma'am, we believe this might have been a kidnapping attempt, not an assassination attempt. Sam: These are from the terrorists' internal communications. Not all these images are of me. How do you know I was the target? Callen: She's right. There are five people in all of these images. I've got you, personal assistant Lois, Harris, your driver, and the head of your security detail, Ray. You ready? Go. Callen: Harris, you, Lois, driver. Ray, Harris, you, Lois. Harris, Ray. You, Lois, Harris. Ray, you, Harris. Harris, Driver, Ray. What do we got, Sam? Harris is the common denominator. He's in all of these images. Meaning the terrorists were trying to kidnap Harris. Not you. Do you have any idea why? No. But you might. If I had to guess, I would say that that argument is about Dogleg. Am I right? I was arguing with Harris about the Dogleg op he was running out of the consulate. Sam: We need to know everything about this op. It involves dozens of covert operatives throughout Tunisia. The kind of risky op that, if it goes south, it's a career-ender. This op ended lives. So careers are not high priority for us right now. Who else was involved with Dogleg? That's what I was mad at Harris about. I wanted to know what other American personnel were involved. I'm the ambassador. I'm responsible for every American in that country. We appreciate that, ma'am. But can you give us the identity of anyone else involved? Harris would not identify any of the operatives in Tunisia, which is what got me so upset. He kept telling me I'd be safer if I didn't know. What about outside of Tunisia? Do you know anyone that was involved that wasn't in Tunisia? Only Harris's boss. Captain Beck. I believe he was in charge of it. What is it? Your security detail may be protecting the wrong person. If the terrorists were after Harris in Tunisia and that failed... They're probably in L.A. to get Captain Beck. Not you, Ambassador. Eric, get Kensi and Deeks over to Captain Beck's house immediately. Let's hope Beck is smart enough to talk now. Deeks? That's not good. Kens? Yup. Anything? Nothing. Clear signs of forced entry on the front door. Same as the back. (line ringing) Wow, looks like your house after you clean it. Thank you. Go for Beale. Eric, looks like Beck was abducted. See if you can find any footage in the area that'll give us a direction of travel. Got it. Come here. You know if Beck talks, he's gonna compromise the safety of a dozen U.S. operatives overseas. Look familiar? Yeah, it looks like the same size and tread as the boot we found at the consulate. Yup. Eric, I'm sending you a picture right now. Compare it to the bootprint that we found at the consulate replica. Got it. I'll start scouring databases. Thank you. Hey, you were right. Bootprints were a match. Ah, great! So, we're looking for a guy in boots. Just to clarify-- we can eliminate anybody wearing flip flops or clogs? Mockery aside-- you're right. The boots were a very common brand name so they weren't much help on their own. Deeks: Well, Mockery is my middle name. When we combine the boot brand, the foot size, the satellite images of the consulate aftermath, the terrorist videos and our own files from the Al Tunis Brigade... Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you the Cinderella for our glass boot-- Tunisia's own Munir Al Zarzi. Callen: I assume from his nom de guerre that he's from Zarzis? Coastal town in Tunisia? Yes. He was captured in Afghanistan in 2002. He did seven years in Gitmo and was released in 2010. He's not your typical weekend warrior. He's a true believer. A hardcore Jihadist. Nell: He also oversaw the beheading of 19 of his captives. Lovely. Eric: We did a Kaleidoscope search for Munir Al Zarzi in the vicinity of the bank from the FBI surveillance video, and found this. Nell: This was a traffic camera in Koreatown, less than a mile from the bank. Eric: We then tracked his car to a compound in Hancock Park. Best guess-- he's still there. Callen: We're going tactical now. Tell Hetty. Alert Agent Reese, and have the FBI SWAT team spun up. Will do. Got it. Alpha Team will approach the main gate on the north side. They'll be entering a fatal funnel if they go through that front gate. Terrorists will be expecting that. Exactly. That's why we need Alpha Team to make their presence known outside the gate. We, Bravo Team, will approach the south wall, Charlie Team will secure a third breach point to the west. Do we have any Intel on exactly where the hostage is being held? Negative, but we're fairly certain Captain Beck's being tortured for information. Timing is everything! Everybody moves on our command! Reece here. Alpha Team is in position. Kensi, Deeks, you ready? Affirmative. Charlie Team is waiting on your green light. Charlie Team, hold. Bravo, hold. Alpha? On my count. Three, two, one. Execute! Execute! Execute! (men yelling) Bravo Team coming in. [SCENE_BREAK] Drop your weapons. Okay, okay. Secure! Reese: On your knees! Sam: Alpha Team, secure the terrorists. Callen: Got this, Reece? Got it. Go! Go! Charlie Team, Execute! Execute! Execute! Go. Go! Go! Okay, yeah. (grunts) (man yells) You're welcome. Take it that's not a surrender? You are so very wrong! This will never come to an end! We are only just... Aah! Yeah, I thought about hitting an eight, but then I decided just to, you know, choke down to seven iron. Bet you're happy to see us now, Captain Beck? I didn't tell them anything. I didn't say a word. We know. Could tell by your face you kept your mouth shut. Good job, Captain. Agent Reese and his team are leaving now. I just wanted to thank you guys for everything. It's our pleasure. Hey. We're happy we could help. Yeah. Deeks: Hey, about that, uh, 3D printer of yours... Already packed up and out of your hair. Great, so that means I'm not gonna get a Stretch Armstrong or a Hetty bobble head doll? What's wrong with you? Hmm? He's a bobble head. Yeah, he's more like a Ch-Ch-Chia pet. (Nell clears her throat) Guys... It's okay. I'm not sure how, but this? This works. Callen: Yeah, well, we're all just kind of one big happy, slightly dysfunctional family. Yeah. Good night, Callen. Good night, Kensi. Good night, Nay-Nay. Good night, John Boy. Sam: Shut up, Deeks.

After an attack on the U.S. Consulate in Tunisia, Callen and Sam go to the crime scene to investigate the death of two officers (one of which was a close friend of Sam's) and soon discover that perhaps the Ambassador ( Julie Chen ) was not the intended target of the attackers, who have now entered the United States.

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THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE GALAXY PART FOUR Run time: 24:24 [SCENE_BREAK] Big Top [SCENE_BREAK] Mags: No. Captain: You really were extremely stupid this time, Doctor. I told you she was an unusual specimen. The growling, the snarling, reaction to the moon. Surely you should have guessed? Ringmaster: Captain! Captain: I hate it when this happens. She can't control herself, of course, and like all her kind she'll destroy whatever comes in her path. Which, I'm afraid, in this case has to be you. Captain: This circus is only the half of it, you see, old chap. These hippy fellows weren't quite so dumb as they look. Did you come here just for the fun of it? Well, some of them did, but they're all dead. [SCENE_BREAK] Painted bus [SCENE_BREAK] Conductor: Could I see your tickets, please. [SCENE_BREAK] Big Top [SCENE_BREAK] Captain: We experienced explorers know all about making the most of our discoveries. The powers here can be harnessed by those intrepid enough to grasp the opportunities. Myself, for instance. The Doctor: Those powers destroyed Deadbeat. Captain: Yes, but he was like you, Doctor, none too bright in the old self-interest stakes. Captain: Stop it, Mags. This werewolf is extremely dangerous. The Doctor: You're meddling with things you don't understand. Captain: No, Doctor, you are. Once you're out of the way, I shall make my deal with the powers that be, whoever they may be. [SCENE_BREAK] Ticket office [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana: She's taking Deadbeat to the bus. Clown: In that case, they're also taken care of. [SCENE_BREAK] Big Top [SCENE_BREAK] Captain: I remember once visiting the gold mines of Katakiki... The Doctor: Captain Cook! Captain: What? The Doctor: You're not only a scoundrel and a meddling fool, but you're also a crushing bore. Captain: I'm afraid you've really done it this time, old boy. Mags! [SCENE_BREAK] Painted bus [SCENE_BREAK] Deadbeat: Search, search, search for the truth. Search it out, search it now. [SCENE_BREAK] In the bus [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: This must be it. [SCENE_BREAK] Painted bus [SCENE_BREAK] Deadbeat: Search it now. Ace: Kingpin, I've found it! [SCENE_BREAK] Big Top [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Mags! Mags! Do you hear me? Mags! The Doctor: Mags, when you're like this, this isn't in your nature, you have to destroy everything that crosses your path. I don't believe that. Mags! The Doctor: Mags! Mags! Wait, wait. I need your mercy, but you don't have to kill. Captain: Come on, Mags. You can trust me. You know that, don't you? Once he's out of the way we can split the proceeds. Do it for me, do it for your old pal the Captain. You know you'll enjoy it. I order you to. I order you to! The Doctor: No, Mags! No! [SCENE_BREAK] Painted bus [SCENE_BREAK] Deadbeat: Search, search, search for the truth. Search, search, search... Ace: You've got to try and help me, Kingpin. I can't get it open. Deadbeat: Search, search, search for the truth. Ace: What I'd give for my chemistry set now. Deadbeat: Search, search, search for the truth. Ace: Come on, Kingpin. Do try and concentrate a bit. Conductor: Tickets, please. Tickets, please. Conductor: Tickets, please. Ace: Kingpin! Please! Ace: Kingpin, do something! Deadbeat: I remember now! It's beneath the cap. Ace: What? Deadbeat: Knock its cap off! Ace: Now what? Deadbeat: Bellboy put a button that said Request Stop. Press it! Ace: What? Deadbeat: Press the button! Deadbeat: Now stand back. Ace: What? Deadbeat: Stand back, quick. Deadbeat: No! Get away! Quick! Ace: Now we're getting somewhere. You really are Kingpin, aren't you. Deadbeat: Yes, thankfully. But no one's safe until we get this back to the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] Big Top [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Come on, Mags. We've got to run away, now. Dad: We want more. The Doctor: Mags! Ringmaster: Er, another act's coming soon, folks. You can believe me. Girl: Another act now. Dad: We want more. Mom: We need more. Morgana: You haven't played fair with me. Ringmaster: Listen, we've done everything we're supposed to do, right? Morgana: I had my doubts, but I came through in the end. Ringmaster: There are going to be other visitors. Girl: We need more. Dad: You have no one left to give. Mom: Except yourselves. Ringmaster: No! Morgana: Please, more acts are on the way, I promise you. [SCENE_BREAK] Backstage [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Something dreadful's happening in the ring. Things are getting out of control quicker than I expected. Dad (O.C.): Calling the Doctor. Calling the Doctor. The Doctor: Nothing will satisfy them but my presence. Mags: I'm coming back in there with you. The Doctor: No. You must run and get Ace and Deadbeat. The Doctor: I must prepare for my entrance. Never keep your audience waiting. [SCENE_BREAK] Ticket office [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I'm coming. Open a pathway for me. Once small step for mankind, one great leap, or words to that effect. [SCENE_BREAK] Arena [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: And here we all are at last. I'm surprised you brought me here. It must be very difficult for you, trying to exist concurrently in two different time spaces. I know the problem myself. No wonder those memorial stones looked familiar. The Gods of Ragnarok, I presume. [SCENE_BREAK] By the snack stall [SCENE_BREAK] Stallholder: Don't you frighten my horse like that, you hippie weirdo. Stallholder: Shut up, circus riff-raff. You don't own this planet, you know. [SCENE_BREAK] Arena [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: How many people have you destroyed, I wonder, before Kingpin was lured down here. Poor Kingpin. That's what you like, isn't it. Taking someone with a touch of individuality and imagination, and wearing them down to nothingness in your service. Dad: Enough. Mom: You have said enough. The Doctor: Enough? I've hardly started. I have fought the Gods of Ragnarok all through time. Dad: You are in our true time space now, Doctor. There is no appeal beyond its confines to any other. The Doctor: Don't tell me what you want me to do. Let me guess. Now let me see. You want me to... Dad: Entertain us. Mom: Entertain us. Dad: Or die. So long as you entertain us, you may live. Mom: When you no longer entertain us, you die. The Doctor: Predictable as ever, Gods of Ragnarok. As I think it's been said before, or was it after? Anyway, you ain't seen nothin' yet. [SCENE_BREAK] Segonax [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Hey, Mags! Where's the Doctor? Mags: Back at the circus. Ace: So you're on your own now? Mags: Not exactly. Look. Mags: That's what they're after. Deadbeat: Oh, I might have guessed. Ace: So how do we get it back to the Doctor? Oh, dumbo! Not you two, me. I've got an idea. Come on! Mags: Wrong way! Ace: Not for this. Come on, Kingpin! [SCENE_BREAK] Arena [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, for that overwhelming reception. And now, I would like to begin like life, at the beginning. But how did life begin? Was it with a chicken or was it with... Dad: What? Mom: Don't try our patience. Dad: Don't play games. The Doctor: You're not interested in beginnings. You're only interested in endings. [SCENE_BREAK] Campsite [SCENE_BREAK] Mags: Oh no, not that thing again. Come on. Deadbeat: Dumbo. Bellboy's robot. Ace: Dead right, Kingpin. Clown: Bellboy's greatest mistake. What a place to choose. You may have the Eye again, Deadbeat, but you won't use it. You know that. You're not strong enough! You weren't before. Deadbeat: At least I tried. You just gave in. Clown: Yes, and I shall get my reward. Last chance, Deadbeat. We really believed in all that talk of peace and love... Ace: This thing had better work, or I'll kick its head in. Mags: For a moment I thought you weren't going to be able to make it stop. Ace: Funny you should say that. Deadbeat: He used to be a great clown. Ace: I've never liked clowns. [SCENE_BREAK] Arena [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: What, no complaints? No arguments? No thunderbolts? Dad: No, Doctor. Mom: We're not concerned that you're playing for time. Dad: We have a saying. The Doctor: Let me guess. Give yourself enough rope and you hang yourself. [SCENE_BREAK] Campsite [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Kingpin. Deadbeat: I only hope we make it in time. The Doctor's stronger than I ever was, but even he can't hold out against them forever. Ace: He'll have a good stab at it, though. [SCENE_BREAK] Arena [SCENE_BREAK] Dad: You are nearing the end, Doctor. The Doctor: A piece of rope has two ends, Father Ragnarok. Mom: Feel the rain, Doctor. Dad: Feel the chill in your bones. [SCENE_BREAK] By the Ticket Office [SCENE_BREAK] Deadbeat: Ace, quick! Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] Arena [SCENE_BREAK] Dad: Doctor. The Doctor: Yes? Dad: You are trifling with us. The Doctor: Really? I thought I was entertaining you. Dad: You are on the brink of destruction, Doctor. We want something bigger, something better. The Doctor: Do you now? [SCENE_BREAK] Big Top [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: The Doctor must be here somewhere. Deadbeat: Well, he may already be in the Dark Circus with the Gods. If so, there's only one way we can reach him. Mags: The stone chamber. Ace: And the medallion? Deadbeat: Yeah. We must be careful. They're bound to sense its presence. [SCENE_BREAK] Arena [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Do I have your full attention? [SCENE_BREAK] Ticket Office [SCENE_BREAK] Deadbeat: You do realise that they'll try anything to stop us? Ace: Yes. Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] Arena [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: The climax of my act, Gods of Ragnarok, requires something you do not possess in great abundance. That is, imagination. And it starts with a piece of metal. This piece of metal once belonged to a sword, and that sword belonged to a gladiator. The Doctor: And that gladiator fought and died in this ring to entertain you. [SCENE_BREAK] Stone chamber [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Go for it, Kingpin. Mags: Kingpin, please. Ace: Well, one of us had better try. Captain: Perhaps I might relieve you of that. Mags: Captain, I thought you were dead. Captain: I am, my dear. I am. [SCENE_BREAK] Arena [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I have fed you enough, Gods of Ragnarok, and you found what I have to offer indigestible. So I have taken myself off the menu. La comedia e finita. Dad: We command you. Mom: You cannot stop. The Doctor: I already have. Dad: Then you will die. The Doctor: Probably not. It's all a matter of timing, don't you know. [SCENE_BREAK] Stone chamber [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Oi, sarcophagus face! Deadbeat: Quick. Captain: You know, when I was on the planet Periboea, I met someone who walks around when he was already dead. I must say, as an experience I'd say it was very overrated. [SCENE_BREAK] Ticket office [SCENE_BREAK] Deadbeat: Look. Get down! [SCENE_BREAK] Segonax [SCENE_BREAK] Stallholder: It's what I've always said. No consideration for those of us that live here. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Circus [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Enjoying the show, Ace? Ace: Yeah. It was your show all along, wasn't it? Mags: The Captain really is finished now, isn't he? The Doctor: Yes. But you're just about to start. Deadbeat: Doctor, I've been thinking. The Doctor: What better way for a circus to begin than with a wonderful new act. Ace: Yeah, weird and wonderful. Nice one, Professor. You'll knock them dead. Mags: That's just what I'm afraid of. What if I can't control it? The Doctor: Oh, you can, Mags. You already have. Deadbeat: What about it, Doctor? You and Ace. Join Kingpin's new circus and travel the galaxy with us. The Doctor: Thank you, Kingpin, but I'm afraid we've got other galaxies to travel. And besides, I find circuses a little sinister.

The Gods of Ragnarok are revealed and while waiting for Ace to escape the Chief Clown, the Doctor must entertain them as long as possible in the dimension of the Dark Circus...

fd_Roswell_01x15

fd_Roswell_01x15_0

"Sexual Healing" 16th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 1ADA15 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode begins with a shot of a spot in the desert 2 miles from the crash site. Something is beeping) (Switch to girls locker room at West Roswell High, where Liz is fantasizing about Max meeting her there) Voice-Over: It's February 20th. I'm Liz Parker, and lately I've been having these feelings, like I'm changing inside, and part of me doesn't want to change. Part of me always wants to be my mom's little girl. But the thing is, these feelings are strong...dangerous, undeniable. It's like I have no choice. It's like...chemical. (Scene shifts to the Crashdown where Liz has been sitting on a stool daydreaming about Max) Maria: Liz, nice strawberries. (Liz breaks out of her daydream and knocks over a basket of strawberries) Maria: Are you ok? Liz: Yeah, I'm...I'm fine. (Max walks into the Crashdown in search of Liz) Maria: You have a visitor. Mmm. Sweet. (Maria walks by Max and gives him a strawberry) Max: Hey. Liz: Hey. Max: I hope this isn't my fault. Liz: Why would this be your fault? Max: If I startled you. Liz: No. You know, I always knock over strawberries this time of day. Always. I'm just gonna go get more berries from... Max: Well, wait. Here's another one. (Liz goes into the kitchen area and Max follows her) Liz: What are you doin' here, Max? Max: Well, I have orders from my planet to take over the Earth. Liz: Besides that. Max: I want to make sure we can still be friends. Liz: Yeah. I mean, we are. Max: Good. Liz: Why wouldn't we be? Max: We really haven't been able to talk since...that night. Liz: Max, people do a lot of dumb things when they're drunk. Anyway, I understand. Max: And we're friends? Liz: Yeah. We're friends. Max: Just friends? Liz: Yeah. We're just friends. (Liz turns around and starts to leave and Max grabs her and they start making out. As Liz becomes overwhelmed with emotion, she sees images of something flying through space) (Opening credits) Maria: Liz, you did not look normal. Liz: I didn't feel normal, Maria. I...it was the most amazing, incredible... Maria: Unbelievable, awe-inspiring... Liz: No, Maria. This was different. Maria: Different how? Liz: Um...like beyond. Maria: Wait. Liz: What? Maria: You guys didn't go...beyond? Liz: No no no. Maria: Gonna say...you were only out for 5 minutes. Liz: I know. Listen, Maria, if I...when...when...when I actually do it, it is not gonna be in between a plate of Kielbasa and a deep fryer. Maria: Hmm. Liz: I saw things, Maria. Did you see things when you and Michael kissed? Maria: What exactly did you see? Liz: Stars. (At school, Alex and Maria are walking down a hallway) Maria: I have never seen her like this. Alex: So this was like the kiss of the millennium? Maria: Alex, if they actually do it, she'll probably explode. Alex: Or maybe she'll explode if they don't do it. (Max and Michael are also walking through a hallway at school) Max: Did anything like that ever happen to Maria when you two... Michael: No. Maxwell, let me assure you, you have not experienced anything I have not experienced many times or caused to be experienced. Max: Then how can you call yourself my friend? Michael: What? Max: A friend wouldn't have kept something like that to himself. (Max enters Astronomy class and his face lights up as he looks at Liz and sits next to her) Astro Teacher: Ok, people. Hydrogen, oxygen, carbon. Created in the millisecond after the Big Bang. These simple molecules are the basis of all possible life forms in the universe, present and unaccounted for...or, so we think. The conceit that alien life forms would be like us in any essential way would be, uh, the wishful thinking of a lonely planet that once believed it was the center of the universe. So, we're going to combine hydrogen, liquid oxygen, and carbon today. Obviously, I don't expect any of you to create life here in third period science. (As Mr. Seligman, the astro teacher, talks about science, Max and Liz flirt with each other. Liz mouths a "hello" to Max, who responds with a "hi". Max writes something on a slip of paper and passes it to Liz. Liz drops her pencil, and Max kneels down to pick it up. He touches Liz's hand and Liz starts to get a flood of images of something travelling through space. Liz starts to moan with all the feelings she's experiencing, which disrupts the class) Liz: Ahh! Ohh! Astro Teacher: Ms. Parker! Have you had an insight you wish to share with the rest of the class? Liz: No. (Max stands up, looking a bit guilty) Astro Teacher: Mr. Evans? Max: I was just returning her pencil. Astro Teacher: I'd like to see both of you immediately after last period today in my classroom. The primordial experience known as...detention. (Liz opens the slip of paper that Max had written a message on and reads the message: "Eraser Room? 6th Period?") (Maria is walking around looking for Michael and finds him in the bleachers) Maria: Oh, Michael. Hi. Michael: Hey. Maria: Did you hear? Michael: The Max-Liz thing, with the flashes? She's your friend. What do you think? Maria: That Max and Liz have discovered some new sensation? It seems somewhat unlikely. Michael: Extremely unlikely. (Cut to a scene where Maria and Michael are making out nearby a high-voltage box) Maria: This feels good. This feels really good. Michael: Yeah. Maria: Oh, God. Oh, my God. Michael. Michael: What? Maria: I can't believe it. Michael: What? What did you see? Maria: I saw...a cluster of stars...like shooting through space. Um...this, like, incredible sunset, like near the rings of Saturn. Did you see anything? Michael: Yeah, I saw you...as a little girl...trying to tie her shoelaces on her red sneakers. Maria: You're kidding. The red sneakers? (Max and Liz are making out in the eraser room again. Max sees an image of Liz as a little girl trying on makeup and dressing up in front of a mirror) Liz: What? Max: Nothing. Liz: Ahh! Max, hold me. (Liz sees the image of the saucer flying towards Earth and crashing into the desert) (Max and Liz are making too much noise, causing someone to investigate) (The principal is talking to Mrs. Evans and Mrs. Parker about the commotion that Max and Liz caused, while Max and Liz sit on a bench outside the principal's office) Nancy: What exactly is an eraser room? Principal: It's a small room that we use to clean the erasers so that chalk dust doesn't fly all over the school. Diane: Wait. I'm a little lost. You mean Liz and Max were cleaning erasers when they created this disturbance? Principal: No. They were what we used to call "making out". We're talking sexual activity here, not erasers. Why don't we go talk to them? (The principal and the parents step outside the principal's office to the hallway) Principal: Uh, Ms. Parker. Mr. Evans. Liz: This...is completely wrong. Nancy: What did I get wrong, Liz? Liz: Well, It...it's just wrong that we're here. I mean, any of us. Principal: Well, then, perhaps you and Mr. Evans should have been less noisy. Nancy: You know, I think I've heard enough. Liz: Mom, this is not what you're thinking right now. Don't you believe me? Nancy: What is it? Liz: Mom, it's just a mix-up. Principal: They also cut 2 academic classes. Now, Liz and Max are honor students. I think we'd all like to keep it that way. Diane: I'm sure there's an explanation for it. I'm certain that Max wouldn't miss any of his classes unless there was a good reason. Max? (Max is at a loss for words) (Liz and her mom are walking towards the school entrance) Liz: Mom, this is no big deal, all right? Nancy: You said that. Liz: Mom, it's not like I never kissed a boy before in my entire life. Nancy: You know, I don't think it's the kissing, but the actual volume that's the issue. Liz: This is being totally blown out of proportion. Nancy: Ok, we'll talk about this later tonight, ok? I want you to come straight home from school. Is that agreed? Hmm? Liz: No, I can't. I have detention. Look, mom, I gotta go, ok? Nancy: Ok. Liz: Bye. (Liz starts to head for class and runs into Alex) Liz: Oh! Alex: Liz, what's goin' on? Liz: Alex, the most incredible thing is happening to me, but I...I don't even know what it is. Alex: What? (Alex goes to the cafeteria area and spots Isabel eating by herself. As Alex walks up to her, Isabel takes a bite out of a hot pizza and starts fanning her mouth. Alex searches through his lunch bag and gives Isabel a napkin) Isabel: Hot! Alex: You ok? Isabel: Mm-hmm. Now I have that little piece of skin hanging down from when the pizza's too hot. Alex: Yeah, well, um, speaking of hot...this whole Liz-Max thing? Isabel: Mm-hmm? Alex: Well, I was just wondering, you know, in the interest of science, kissing being purported to provoke these certain insights, I wanted to, you know, offer myself as a...as a human subject available for experimentation. Isabel: It's not gonna happen, Alex. Alex: Right...right...right. Thought I'd give it a shot. Isabel: Yeah. You want some pizza? Alex: Uh, yeah. Pizza's always good. (At detention, Liz is looking at a poster of the Whirlwind Galaxy while waiting for Mr. Seligman to show up) Astro Teacher: Ah, Ms. Parker. I'm happy to see you're taking a renewed interest in science. (Liz looks like she's about to ask a question, then doesn't) Astro Teacher: Well...well, go ahead. It looks like you have a question? Liz: Yeah, what is this? Astro Teacher: ah. Well, that's the Whirlwind Galaxy. Liz: Could there be a red star, or a red something in this area that isn't on this chart? Astro Teacher: Well, there could be a red giant. Liz: A red giant. Isn't that...yeah, that's a star that's in its last stages of its life cycle, right? Astro Teacher: Yes. A+ yet again. The problem is, the light from a red giant is weak...so weak we usually can't pick it up with our telescopes. Liz: Oh. Um, well, thank you very much. Astro Teacher: May I ask what has inspired your sudden interest in astronomy? (Max walks into the room and Liz steals a glance at him before answering) Liz: It's just beautiful...the universe is beautiful. Astro Teacher: Yes...lovely. Ah. I see your partner in crime. Here are your detention assignments. (Mr. Seligman hands each of them a sheet of paper and then walks towards Liz) Astro Teacher: You are an excellent student, Ms. Parker. I'd hate to see anything get between you and the...uh...beauty of the universe. (Mr. Seligman leaves) Max: What was that about? Liz: Uh, Max, I have to show you something. Max, you know the things I saw, the stars and everything? I didn't make them up. They're real. Max, I saw this. I saw it. Max, this afternoon...I think I saw the crash. (Liz is working at her desk and her mom comes by, knocks on her door, and enters) Nancy: Honey? Liz: Yeah? Nancy: Um...you really have strong feelings about this boy, don't you? Max, I mean. Liz: Mom, I have like a really hard time talking about this kind of stuff. Nancy: I have to talk about it, so if...if you can't talk right now, can you at least just listen? Liz: Yeah. (Mrs. Evans take a deep breath) Nancy: Don't ever have s*x. Don't ever leave this house. Don't ever stop being my baby girl. Ok? Liz: Mom...I'm not having s*x with him. Nancy: That's good, because, um, once you enter that world...you know, sexual intimacy...everything changes. Liz: Mom, I... Nancy: I want you to know that you don't ever have to lie to me about this. Really. Ok? Liz: Ok. Nancy: Ok. Liz: What? Nancy: Just...one moment I look at you, you're my baby girl, and the next minute, you're a young woman. Liz: Thank you. (Max is at Michael's apartment talking to Michael and Isabel about what happened with Liz. Isabel is putting away some groceries) Max: She said it was as if she was inside the ship looking out...when it came crashing toward Earth. Michael: Did she see anyone else on the ship? Like our parents? Isabel: Yeah, or Captain Kirk and the Klingons? You got a paper-towel holder? Michael: No. What if it's real? Isabel: It's not real. What's wrong with you guys? (Isabel opens the refrigerator and takes a step back from the smell) Isabel: Oh, God! Not even baking soda's gonna help with that. Michael: You know what, Isabel? If you don't like my new place, you can leave. Continue. Max: I see things from inside her head. Maybe she's seeing things stored deep inside me. Michael: What do you see inside her head? Max: I can't tell you. It's private. Michael: Since when do we keep secrets from each other? Maxwell, come on. Isabel: Do you have a juicer? Michael: Isabel, you're pushing it. Max: They're Liz's personal thoughts, Michael...not secrets. Michael: Ok, yeah, so they're personal thoughts. How do you know they're real? Max: I'm not sure. Isabel: Can't you just ask her? Max: I don't want to embarrass her. Michael: Maxwell, if this is real...if there's any chance this is real, you owe it to us and to yourself to find out. And in the meantime, I'm gonna pursue my own avenues. [SCENE_BREAK] (Maria and Michael are making out again) Michael: Wow. Maria: Michael... Michael: Uh-huh? Maria: Mmm. This feels really good. Michael: Uh-huh. Maria: These visions...flashes, or whatever... Michael: Uh-huh. Maria: I'm just, um...I'm not completely sure I've actually really had one. (Michael stops kissing Maria) Michael: What do you mean, you're not completely sure? Maria: Michael, I, um...I faked it. Ok? Michael: Why would you tell me that? Maria: Why? Because I...I want us to be close. Michael: You think that makes us close. (Michael turns to leave) Maria: Where are you going? Michael: How do you expect me to react? Maria: Like...a person? Talk to me? Michael: Yeah. Well, I could act like a person, but then I'd have to fake it. Maria: You know, maybe if you weren't so defensive and you didn't shut down all the time... Michael: Then maybe what? Maria: Maybe...it would happen. Michael: I lied to you, too...about the shoes. Maria: Really? 'Cause I did have red sneakers. Michael: Everybody's got red sneakers. (In the girls' locker room, Maria is telling Liz about what happened with Michael) Liz: Why would you fake it? Maria: Haven't you ever heard of the male ego? Liz: Yeah. Maria: The question is, why did I tell him that I faked it? You know what I mean? It just...oh, my God. Liz. Liz. Liz: Mmm. What? Maria: Come here. Come here. Coach: Let's go, girls. Maria: Just go look in the mirror. Liz: Why? What is it? Coach: De Luca. Parker. Now! Maria: Coming. Ok, I'll cover for you. Just go. Liz: Ok. (Liz walks back towards her locker to go look in a mirror and sees Max walks into the locker room) Liz: Max! Max: Liz. Liz: What are you doing here? Max: I just...I wanted to see you. Liz: Here? Max: I had to know if something was real. Liz: If what was real? Max: Well, just like you seeing things...I've seen things. And...one of those...things... (Max slowly looks around the room and there's a slight air of familiarity as in focuses on a shower head) Liz: You saw my fantasy? Max: I had to know if...if...what I saw was...really from you or if it was just my imagination, which...it definitely...definitely could've been. Except...I've never been in the girls' locker room. And now that I see it, and...well, it...it is the same room...I know I didn't make it up. Liz: This is really horrible. Max: No, Liz. It's incredible, really. Liz: This is not incredible. Max: Wait. Please? Listen. Please? The main thing is...I didn't just see what you saw. I felt...what you felt...when you saw me. And I never thought anyone could really...ever feel that way about me. Liz: Really? Coach: Parker! (Liz motions to Max for him to follow her and they hide in one of the shower stalls) Coach: Parker! (The PE teacher leaves) Max: Uh...Liz? Liz: What? Max: You have a hickey...and it's glowing. (Max touches the glowing hickey and sees a rush of images of military personnel rushing towards something that is beeping) Liz: This is getting really weird, Max. (Back at Michael's apartment, Isabel and Michael are discussing how these images could be created) Isabel: That would mean each of us has this information in some part of us we're just not not conscious of. Michael: Or she's getting messages from somewhere or someone else. Isabel: Nasedo? Michael: I don't know. I mean, why did she see the crash, the soldiers? Maybe it was all planned this way...that this is how we'd find out who we really are...by connecting with humans. Isabel: Connecting? Michael: The more they connect, the more we find out. (Max comes in) Max: Uh, listen...Liz is on her way over. Isabel: Ok. We'll leave. Max: You guys don't have to leave. Michael: Go for it, Maxwell, for the good of all mankind, you lucky, undeserving dog. Max: Michael, that's not what this is about for me. Michael: Don't make me beg you to do what you and Liz obviously want to do anyways. I really don't see a problem with it. Max: The problem is treating someone I care about like a thing...to be used. Michael: What, and that's what I'm about? Is that what you're saying? Max: The words are coming from your mouth, Michael. Isabel: Ok, you guys, stop. Enough. Michael: Listen, Maxwell...you are a sensitive guy. And you have available to you one of the top 3 seduction lines in history...with "it's gonna help me find my home planet". And you're refusing to use it. No guy is that sensitive. Use it. (Isabel turns off the lights and snaps her fingers, causing the candles in the room to light up to form a romantic atmosphere) Michael: Nice. Isabel: Mmm. (Liz opens the door and enters) Isabel: Hi. Liz: Hi. Michael: How's it goin'? Liz: Strange. Isabel: I'll bet. Michael: All right. We're leaving now. But I got some Chaka Khan cued up in the CD player. Isabel: We're leaving. Bye. Liz: So, you told 'em, huh? Max: Yeah. Liz: And now everyone's just sort of cheering you on...like at a football game. Max: No. No, it's...it's not like that. I mean...yes, they want us to keep going so we can find out where all this leads. But...that's not... Liz: Max. I need to find out where all this leads, too. Look. (Liz shows Max a strange rash that has appeared on her shoulder. Max puts his hand over it and it disappears) Max: It's gone. Liz: Thanks. (Max moves his hand down Liz's arm, and a glowing light follows his hand) Liz: Max...do you understand any of this? Max: No. Liz: Can you take your shirt off? Max: Can I? Yeah. (Max takes off his shirt and Liz tries to create a glowing light on Max's body by running her hand over his chest) Liz: I can't do it to you. Max: I'm glowing everywhere...my toes, my heart. You can't see it. It's on the inside. Liz: No, Max. We can't do this. Max: I know. Liz: You know, could I, uh..could I get sick? Max: I don't know anything. I don't even know who I am. Liz: You know, the...the mark went away because...because you touched it. Maybe...maybe it came because we were away for...too long. That sounds really crazy, but...it would be a complete disaster. Max: I can't ask you to do anything that might hurt you in any way. Liz: I know. Max: And I have no idea what that is...and what's right...or wrong. Liz: I know. I mean...and you know things...about me that you, um...that you shouldn't know. And my mother...my mother, who I love, is just gonna kill me...if i don't die from this. Max: You're right. Liz: I can't stop. (Liz and Max starts making out again, and we see another batch of images from the crash. Soldiers are running towards some beeping object being buried nearby a radio tower) (Maria accidentally interrupts Max and Liz) Maria: My God! I was looking for Michael. Um, something tells me he isn't here. (Maria is driving Liz home) Maria: Liz, what was going on in there? Liz: What was going on? Maria: Yeah, it looked like it was getting pretty serious...like, very serious. Liz: Maria, I have my mother for these lectures. Maria: I'm worried for you. Liz: Why? Maria: Because this isn't you. Liz: Yes, Maria, see...this is. This is me. I'm sitting right next to you. Maria: I just don't want you to go too far. Liz: I think I want to. Maria: Are you crazy? This is dangerous. This isn't like a game! We don't even know what could happen! Liz: Look who's talking! You were the first one to take the plunge, Maria! Maria: Michael and I just kissed. Ok, fine. We did a little more than kissing. But, look, I wasn't getting visions, and I didn't have glowing hickeys and rashes and...look, Liz, the bottom line is that we don't know what this is about, all right? Female spiders can, you know, bite off the males' heads after they mate. What if they need someone to mate with to get certain information, you know? And then...Blttt! You know? Liz: What're you been trying to say? That Max is just gonna bite my head off? Maria: Uh, no. What I'm saying is, how do you know that he's not like using you? Liz: Maria, because it...it...it feels right. I'm sorry. It feels right in a way that nothing has felt right in my life before. (Liz climbs on the roof and tries to sneak in undetected, but her mom is waiting for her) Liz: Hi, mom. Nancy: Do you think i'm stupid? Liz: I'm sorry. Nancy: Sorry's not good enough. Where were you? Liz: Mom, will you just stop trying to control me? Nancy: I am trying to keep you safe. If i need to control you...when have I even tried to control you? Liz: Right, mom, because you've never had to! 'Cause I do every single thing you want, and y-you just think I'm always gonna be that way! You don't even see me. Nancy: All right. Then...then help me to see you. Ok? Talk to me. Oh, my God. You're so warm. Liz: Mom, no. I'm fine. Nancy: You're not fine. You're burning up. Liz: Mom! Just stop it! Ok? This is my body! I don't have to tell you every single thing about it! (Liz runs into the bathroom and slams the door) (Maria finds Michael lying on the hood of his car in front of the Crashdown) Maria: Michael. Michael: Hey. Maria: I was, uh...I was looking for you at your apartment, but I found Max and Liz instead. Michael: Yeah? Maria: Yeah. Michael: They still there? Maria: No. I just drove Liz home. Michael: Great. I don't have to miss the hockey game. (Liz is on her roof, sketching something in her journal) Max: Liz. Liz: Hi. Max: I couldn't sleep. Liz: Yeah, neither could I. (Max climbs up to the roof) Liz: Hey. Max: Hey. Liz: Uh, look, Max, I saw something when we were...it was something being buried, and it felt like it was something...something important. It was here. (Liz shows Max the drawing she was sketching...it's a tower of some sort) Max: I know this. This is the old radio tower by Highway 42. Liz: Max. Highway 42. Isn't that... Max: Yeah. Just a couple miles from the crash. Liz: Well, there's something buried there. Max: I should go there with Michael. Liz: Is that what you really want to do? Max: No. Liz: Look, all I know is that if we're gonna do this, we've gotta do it tonight. Max: Are we... Liz: Come on. Let's go. (Liz and Max arrive at the area near the crash site) Max: It should be around here somewhere. Liz: Wow. Max: That's what's really there all the time. If we could only see it. Liz: So. Max: So. Liz: So we have to decide what our next step's gonna be. Max: Right. Liz: I guess we could just start...digging. Max: Or, uh... Liz: Or, um...we could look for the next clue. Max: Yeah. The clue idea seems more, uh... Liz: More efficient. Max: Yeah. Right this minute...I can't...not touch you. Liz: Let's just lie down. (Max unfolds a blanket and spreads it out on the ground) Max: Are you scared? Liz: Well, I know I'm supposed to be, but...I'm just gonna put myself in your hands. (A howl is heard) Liz: What's that? Max: It's a coyote. (Max and Liz kiss some more and Liz winds up lying down on the blanket) Max: Are you sure? (A beeping sound is heard) Liz: Oh, my God. Max, that's it. Max: What? Liz: That's the sound I heard in my vision. Max: Shh. It's over there. Come on. Liz: This is it, Max. Max: Here. It's right here. (Max and Liz start shoveling the dirt at the spot where the beeping is coming from. They hit something and a bright blue light shoots into the sky) Liz: Max...something's down there. (Max unearths a glowing rock with an alien symbol inscribed on it) Max: It's the symbol from the cave painting. Liz: Is this from your home? Max: I don't know. Liz: Maybe it's a signal...for... Max: Maybe. (Early the next day, Nasedo goes by the radio tower and sees Max and Liz sleeping together) (Liz's mom knocks on Liz's door, enters, and finds her missing) Nancy: Liz? (Isabel walks up to Alex's house and knocks on the door) Alex: Isabel. Isabel: Max and Liz are missing. Alex: Missing. Ok, let me, um...let me get the keys to my car. All right? We can go and find them. Isabel: That's ok. (There is an awkward pause as Isabel waits for Alex to make the first move) Isabel: Ok. Alex: Ok what? Isabel: Ok, and kiss me. Alex: K...K-kiss you? Isabel: My brother's missing. I need to find him. Maybe we can generate some information. Alex: Right. Isabel: Maybe I'll get a flash of their location or something, so...go ahead. Alex: Oh...yes. Yes, ma'am. (Alex steps over to Isabel and kisses her) Isabel: Nothing. Alex: Oh. Isabel: Nothing relevant to the current crisis. Alex: Sorry. Isabel: Ok. (Isabel turns and start to walk away) Alex: You know, I'm...I'm available for further experiments. You know. When-whenever. (Liz and Max wake up and Max notices someone looking at them) Nasedo: This is private property. You two better get home. (Max picks up the alien rock and stuffs it in his bag and he and Liz leave for home) (Maria goes to Michael's apartment) Maria: Max and Liz aren't... Michael: I heard. Maria: Look, I just really need you not to be cold or mean. If that's impossible, you can just let me know. Michael: You want to come in? Maria: Yeah. Michael: Have a seat. Maria: Thanks. Can we talk about what happened? Michael: Talk on. Maria: I want you to know that what I said about you being all shut down and that's why I had to fake the flashes, that was...wrong and very unfair. If something went wrong, it was because of me. I'm the one who's scared. I mean, I fake all kinds of things all the time with everybody. It's just you were the first person I actually ever admitted it to. Michael: Well...thanks for sayin' that, but it's not really true. Maria: What do you mean? Michael: It's not true about you being shut down all the time. I happen to know that for a fact. Maria: Really? How? Michael: Because you let me see you. The red sneakers, Maria. One had a Kermit patch on it, and the shoelaces were blue, and you had your dalmatian dog with you there, licking off your tears. And I saw a whole bunch of other stuff as well. Was I right? Maria: Yeah. Um...that dog died when I was, like, 7. Right after my father left. Michael: Kinda rough? Maria: Yeah. I'd say so. I really didn't care about the stupid flashes. I just wanted us to be close. Michael: Thanks. (Michael kisses Maria on her forehead and reaches over and hugs her with his left arm) Jeff: They're basically good kids. Right? They're just using bad judgment. Phillip: Huh. Bad judgment big time. Nancy: Maybe they shouldn't see each other for a little while. Jeff: Well, why don't we give 'em a chance to explain themselves? Diane: Well, what kind of explanation can there possibly be? (Outside the Crashdown, Max has parked the jeep and he and Liz are kissing again) Max: Any flashes? Liz: No. And you? Max: Don't think so. Liz: Max...everything that we did, everything we felt...was it...was it all just about this...this thing? You know, we don't even know what it is. Max: Yet. Liz: Max, was it ever just about us? You and me? Because a person could feel like they just served their purpose. You know, like being used. Max: Is that what you think? Because you're not the only one who could worry about being used. I mean, some girls would give a lot to see themselves fly through outer space. You know, I'm sure it doesn't compare to other things you could be doing, like watching Kyle barf after a beer blast. Liz: I can't believe you just said that. Max: Why not? Liz: Because it really happened. Max: You're kidding me. Liz: No. I swear. Last summer. It was a really hot night... Max: You know what? No, no...don't tell me. Liz: Ok, so what you're saying is that you saved me from a life of watching Kyle barf. Max: Liz Parker...I don't think that was ever gonna be your destiny. Liz: No? Max: No. Liz: Ok. Fine. If you know so much, then tell me, Max...what's my destiny? Max: I only know the part I'm hoping for. (Episode fades out as Max and Liz hold hands and walk into the Crashdown Cafe)

After Michael has a violent showdown with his father, Max and Isabel's father helps Michael set up his emancipation; the fourth alien emerges as a shape shifter who watches over Max, Michael and Isabel.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_04x26

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_04x26_0

THE MOONBASE by KIT PEDLAR first broadcast - 4thMarch 1967 running time - 23mins 28secs [SCENE_BREAK] 1. LUNAR SURFACE (A group of CYBERMEN are marching towards the base. The lead CYBERMAN beckons them on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. CONTROL ROOM (HOBSON walks over to the telescope by the gravitron probe. The DOCTOR follows.) DOCTOR: They can't just march in here can they? HOBSON: Not now we've discovered how they got in. DOCTOR: Oh yes. They tunnelled into the store room. (JAMIE rushes over.) JAMIE: Doctor, Mr Hobson, come quickly. HOBSON: What is it? (HOBSON and the DOCTOR follow Jamie to the communications console. It starts to receive a message.) CYBERMAN: (Over radio) Moonbase. Moonbase. NILS: They've got our wavelength. We hear you. CYBERMAN: You are surrounded. All resistance is useless. You must open the entry port. HOBSON: Let me. (HOBSON walks over to the microphone.) HOBSON: You're wasting your time. We've discovered your passageway and blocked it. You cannot enter now. CYBERMAN: Resistance is usele... (HOBSON turns the radio off.) POLLY: Can they get in? HOBSON: I don't know and I'm not stopping to find out. Get me Earth as quick as you can. NILS: Right. (NILS activates the radio.) NILS: Weather control moon calling Earth. Come in please. (There is a burst of static. Everybody groans at the noise.) JAMIE: What's that? HOBSON: Switch that... POLLY: Ohh... ohh... terrible noise. BEN: Wasn't like that before. HOBSON: We'll never hear anything through that if they're jamming it. BENOIT: Perhaps or... or could it be... HOBSON: The aerial! They're having a go at the aerial. (HOBSON goes to leave.) BENOIT: Where are you going? HOBSON: Out. BENOIT: You're crazy. They'd get you in a flash! HOBSON: Well someone's got to go. DOCTOR: It's too late. Come and see. (HOBSON follows the DOCTOR to the telescope. HOBSON looks through it and sees two CYBERMEN wreck the aerial.) HOBSON: They get us every way, these creatures. (HOBSON walks away.) DOCTOR: I refuse to believe that. (The DOCTOR looks through the telescope.) DOCTOR: Everything's got a weak point. It's just a question of waiting until it shows up, that's all. (BENOIT is talking to HOBSON, NILS, BEN and POLLY in the main part of the room.) BENOIT: They're bound to send a relief rocket within 12 hours. If no signals are received from us. BEN: A lot of good that is. NILS: Well with all the trouble we've been giving them I'd say it's certain the rocket is on its way. Sent off hours ago. Rinberg's very quick off the trigger. Right Hobby? HOBSON: I'm sure of it. There's a replacement for me aboard, no doubt. POLLY: But that's wonderful! HOBSON: Thanks very much. POLLY: Oh! No, what I mean is what are we all worrying about? The Cybermen can't get in and help is on its way. BEN: Ahh, it all sounds too easy for my liking. HOBSON: Get the scanner lined up on the flight path between moon and Earth. Let me know the moment you spot anything. NILS: Right. HOBSON: All we have to do, Doctor, is to hold on here. (HOBSON walks towards the gravitron probe.) DOCTOR: Yes, that's all. It doesn't depend on us though. BEN: What do you mean? DOCTOR: Depends on what the Cybermen are hatching up. If the rocket is on it's way, they're bound to be aware of that already. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. LUNAR SURFACE (A Cyberman saucer is on the surface of the moon.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. INTERIOR CYBERMAN SAUCER (A CYBERMAN operates some controls and a radio comes on. He listens to the CYBERMAN speaking over the radio.) CYBERMAN: (Over radio) Emergency. Emergency. There is a spaceship approaching from Earth. It will arrive on the lunar surface in 15 minutes. Immediate offensive action must be taken. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. LUNAR SURFACE (A CYBERMAN operates its communicator.) CYBERMAN 1: They have blocked up our way into the base. Another method to gain entry will be tried. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. INTERIOR CYBERMAN SAUCER (The CYBERMAN inside is issuing orders to the CYBERMAN who is talking to him.) CYBERMAN 2: The machine from Earth must first be destroyed. There are 14 minutes left. CYBERMAN 1: (Over radio) Understood. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. LUNAR SURFACE (The CYBERMAN who has just been given orders turns to two other CYBERMEN.) CYBERMAN 1: Transmit control signal. (A second CYBERMAN operates a device it is carrying which emits a high pitched sound.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. SICK BAY (A light above the beds flashes. One of the patients, DR EVANS, sits up on his bed. He is in a trance. EVANS picks up the metal control cap and puts it on his head. He rises from the bed and walks towards SAM, who is on duty. EVANS approaches SAM from behind. SAM moves and EVANS walks away to pick something up. EVANS walks back over to SAM and hits him over the head with a heavy object. There is a sickening crunch and SAM falls to the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. LUNAR SURFACE (The first CYBERMAN takes the control device and speaks into it.) CYBERMAN 1: You will listen to me and follow my instructions. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. CONTROL ROOM (BENOIT and NILS are by the communications console.) BENOIT: Switch on again. NILS: Without an aerial? BENOIT: We can pick up local signals. NILS: Local? Oh I see, the Cybermen. BENOIT: If they have any more words of cheer for us we might as well hear them. NILS: Right. (NILS activates the radio.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. SICK BAY (EVANS picks up a gun from a chair. He holds it.) CYBERMAN 1: (Through control cap.) Those are your orders. (EVANS turns slowly around and starts to walk somewhere.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. CONTROL ROOM (BEN is sitting at a console. BENOIT is telling him what to do and JAMIE is watching.) BENOIT: That is correct. But watch the digital counter. BEN: Right. (HOBSON walks towards them.) HOBSON: How's he shaping? BENOIT: Not bad for a beginner, I suppose. But it will take a long time yet. HOBSON: Well, at least the gravitron's stable at the moment. (HOBSON looks into the gravitron control room.) HOBSON: I don't know how they can take it for long in that room. BENOIT: How's Benson standing up to it? HOBSON: Yes, he's... BENOIT: He's been on for 6 hours on the trot. (BENSON is operating controls in the gravitron control room.) HOBSON: He says he'll be all right for the time being. BENOIT: Yes I know but should he be on it alone? HOBSON: Who... who else have we got? You're the only other operator who could replace him and you're needed right here. BENOIT: Well that's a bit tough on him isn't it? HOBSON: I know Roget. It's tough on all of us but the lives of millions of people depend on this weather control unit. (POLLY enters the control area carrying a tray with drinks on it.) POLLY: Here we are. I've brought us all some coffee to keep us awake. BEN: Huh, without sugar this time I hope! POLLY: Of course, don't remind me. (POLLY passes coffee to everybody.) HOBSON: Take some coffee to the Doctor, he's in the dome. POLLY: Right. HOBSON: (HOBSON passes BEN some coffee) Ben... aah! (HOBSON sips some coffee. POLLY walks over to the dome and gives the DOCTOR his coffee. EVANS is standing unnoticed by the entrance to the gravitron control room. EVANS enters and hits BENSON from behind. BENSON collapses to the floor and EVANS takes the protective cap off of him.) CYBERMAN: (Over control device) You will now change field co-ordinates as instructed. (EVANS puts the cap on and sits at the controls. Outside in the control area BEN turns towards the DOCTOR and POLLY.) BEN: Doctor! DOCTOR: Hmm? (The DOCTOR and POLLY walk over to BEN.) BEN: They've spotted it on the scanner! DOCTOR: What? BEN: The relief ship! POLLY: Ben, where? BEN: Over here. (BEN walks to the consoles.) DOCTOR: Let's see. HOBSON: Well? NILS: No doubt about it. I told you they would be on their way. POLLY: That's a spaceship? (POLLY looks at the scanner.) BEN: No, that's the scanner! DOCTOR: It's not far off. (A blip representing the rocket is moving on the scanner.) HOBSON: Far off? It's coming in now off parking orbit. It'll be down in six minutes. POLLY: Well don't you think you ought to warn them? BEN: Yeah, the Cybermen will be waiting for 'em. HOBSON: Don't worry, they've got their own warning system and weapons. They'll blast the Cybermen and their spaceship to kingdom come in about four minutes from now. (On the scanner the blip moves towards the centre of the screen.) POLLY: Come on, come on! It seems to move so slowly. (The blip moves way past the centre of the screen and towards the top right at an accelerated speed.) BENOIT: What are they doing? JAMIE: Looks like they've changed direction. HOBSON: They've changed into an escape orbit. Follow it. (NILS moves the scanner.) NILS: But... it's going too fast. I... I can't keep up with it! (The blip has disappeared from the scanner.) HOBSON: Well keep trying! NILS: I can't hold it! It's accelerating too fast! (The scanner screen flashes white.) BENOIT: Look out man! You're on the sun. NILS: But that's where it's heading! BENOIT: The acceleration it's... it's gigantic! HOBSON: Get RT contact with the ship. NILS: No good sir. The Doppler effect. It's going too fast. BENOIT: It's had it I'm afraid. HOBSON: The sun... BENOIT: Yes. POLLY: Will somebody please tell us what it all means? BENOIT: The rocket has been deflected towards the sun. Nothing can save them now. POLLY: Save them? What are you talking about? BENOIT: From plunging into the sun. BEN: But the sun's millions of miles away! BENOIT: Once they get into the sun's gravity belt they can't change course. It may take a week but they'll end up there just the same. HOBSON: What on earth could have caused it? BENOIT: The rocket was deflected of course but why and how? DOCTOR: Deflected? Yes, of course. The gravitron! HOBSON: Have the Cybermen got a gravity weapon do you think? DOCTOR: No, they haven't but we have. HOBSON: You're not suggesting that... DOCTOR: There's only one way that rocket could have been deflected into the sun. From this very room! BENOIT: I see what you mean! HOBSON: Of course, the gravitron! Benson, he must... BENOIT: I told you he'd been on duty too long. DOCTOR: If it is Benson. (HOBSON and BENOIT walk towards the gravitron control room and look through the window. EVANS turns to face them.) HOBSON: It's Evans! (HOBSON walks to the door.) BEN: But he was in the medical room! DOCTOR: They must have got control of them again. BEN: And the other men in there? DOCTOR: They may not be affected yet. Get along to the medical room. Barricade the door with everything you can find. Keep them in there at all costs! JAMIE: Right. (BEN and JAMIE leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. SICK BAY (The light above the bed flashes and a high pitched noise starts. All the men who are affected by the neurotrope disease put the control caps on, get off the beds and walk towards the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE SICK BAY (JAMIE and BEN walk towards the sick bay door.) JAMIE: Well that's all right. We haven't passed any of them. BEN: Well maybe it's only Evans who's been reactivated. JAMIE: Aye. We'd better keep watch just here. (BEN walks to the door and looks at it.) BEN: We could stick that thing against the door (BEN indicates a table). JAMIE: It won't hold them for long I'm thinking. BEN: They're not Cybermen mate, they're just flesh and blood like us. Come on, get hold of the other end. (JAMIE and BEN move away from the door to pick up the table. As they move the table towards the door the door opens. Jamie drops his end of the table in shock. BEN has his back to the door and hasn't seen this.) BEN: Hey! JAMIE: Behind you! (One of the men starts to walk through the door.) BEN: Quick! Ram him! (They pick up the table and smash it into the man. The man groans and is thrown backwards into the sick bay.) BEN: Press the locking button. (JAMIE presses it.) JAMIE: It won't hold them for long, will it? BEN: No. Look, get those chairs and we'll block 'em in. (JAMIE and BEN move away to pick up the chairs. As they do, one of the men starts to lever open the door with a piece of metal.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. CONTROL ROOM (HOBSON is attempting to talk to EVANS over a speaker system.) HOBSON: Evans, can you hear me? Listen Evans, this is Hobson talking. Evans, you've got to concentrate. Your brain has been altered by the Cybermen. You're being controlled by them anyhow. (EVANS carries on operating controls in the gravitron control room. He picks up the gun he took earlier.) HOBSON: We've got one or two of those things as well, you know. You can't shoot all of us so why not be a good fellow and come out of there. (EVANS is still sitting at the controls.) BENOIT: What's he doing in there? (On the map indicators are moving wildly up and down.) BENOIT: Look at the field reactors. HOBSON: Huh? BENOIT: We must get back control soon. He could flood half of Europe if he keeps the gravitron aligned with spring tides. HOBSON: That settles it, we'll have to rush him. Get those weapons out. (Suddenly the radio springs into life. Everyone rushes over to it.) CYBERMAN: (Over radio) Resistance is useless. All further ships from Earth will be deflected. Open the airlock to us. If you do not we shall destroy the base and you will be eliminated. (HOBSON walks over to the microphone.) HOBSON: Can you hear me? CYBERMAN: Everything you have said in the past half hour has been overheard. HOBSON: Well you can hear this too then. We're not done yet and we'll fight you to the last man. You'll never get inside this base! CYBERMAN: We are ready to ready. (The signal breaks up. The lights go off in the base and there is a whooshing noise as the air escapes. Everyone staggers about unable to breathe.) HOBSON: (Coughing) They've punctured the dome! BENOIT: The oxygen masks! Quick everyone, take a mask, over there! (NILS, BEN and JAMIE rush over to where BENOIT indicated. JAMIE opens a hatch in the ceiling and as he does two more open. Oxygen masks fall down which they all take. The DOCTOR has found two more masks by a console where he and POLLY are standing. The DOCTOR is using one but POLLY cannot reach the other one and the DOCTOR struggles to pass it across to her. HOBSON and BENOIT have gone over to the dome. There is a hole in it.) BENOIT: I do hope we don't lose... too much oxygen. HOBSON: Could we patch it, do you think? BENOIT: We can try. (HOBSON struggles to take his coat off.) HOBSON: Give me a hand off, will you? (BENOIT helps HOBSON take his coat off. By the console, POLLY still hasn't got an oxygen mask.) POLLY: Doctor, I can't breathe! Uh! (In the dome HOBSON has manage to take his coat off and he and BENOIT are holding it.) HOBSON: Put the coat up then. (HOBSON and BENOIT lift the coat up and put it over the hole. The coat fills the hole and the gushing stops.) HOBSON: Thank heavens, I can breath again. (The coat starts to get sucked through the hole.) BENOIT: Oh no! (The coat is sucked through the hole and the oxygen starts to escape again.) HOBSON: Is there anything else we can patch it with? BENOIT: No... nothing. Wait... over there! (BENOIT indicates the tray POLLY brought the coffee in on.) HOBSON: Slide it to me but don't let go of it. (BENOIT manages to bring the tray over.) HOBSON: We'll have to do it in one action. No second chance. Are you ready? BENOIT: Oui. HOBSON: Hurry... now! (They lift the tray and it covers the hole completely. On some dials the oxygen and pressure levels rise.) HOBSON: Stopped them for the moment. (HOBSON gulps in some air.) BENOIT: I wonder for how long. HOBSON: Well, let's have a look. (HOBSON and BENOIT examine the hole through the plastic tray. Nearby, POLLY is just getting her breath back. The DOCTOR rushes over.) DOCTOR: Polly! Are you all right? (POLLY manages to nod in response. NILS releases the reserve oxygen supply and POLLY gulps it in relief.) POLLY: Oh yes... oh... oh! Where's that air coming from? NILS: Reserve tanks of oxygen. POLLY: Oh... well why couldn't we have had those before? NILS: And lose all our oxygen? POLLY: Oh, I see. Ooh, ahh. (POLLY realises something.) POLLY: It's so quiet. DOCTOR: Yes, it is isn't it. The gravitron's stopped! (In the gravitron control room EVANS has collapsed.) DOCTOR: Quick, before he comes to! Ben, Jamie! (The DOCTOR, BEN, NILS and JAMIE rush into the gravitron control room towards JOE EVANS.) NILS: Joe! BEN: We barricaded the sick bay with half the tables and chairs in the base but it won't hold forever, Doctor. (The DOCTOR takes the protective cap off of EVANS and BEN and JAMIE help him carry EVANS out. NILS carries BENSON out of the room.) DOCTOR: Well done Ben. Here's another one for you. JAMIE: What do we do with him, Doctor? DOCTOR: That's your problem. Just make sure he doesn't come back here for a while. BEN: Blimey, I'll be after a job as a copper when I get back to 1966! (BEN and JAMIE carry EVANS out and NILS carries BENSON away. The DOCTOR drops the protective cap on the floor and examines EVANS' control cap. He puts it in his pocket.) DOCTOR: Mr Hobson, I've got an idea. (The DOCTOR rushes over to HOBSON, who is by the hole in the dome.) HOBSON: Doctor, what do you make of this? (HOBSON indicates the hole and the DOCTOR looks at it.) DOCTOR: Made by a laser beam, I woul... should think. HOBSON: Is there anything known to science the Cybermen haven't got? DOCTOR: Well they haven't got a gravitron or they wouldn't be after yours. HOBSON: We'll just have to stand guard in here with those cyberguns. (BENOIT is looking through the telescope.) BENOIT: Not much use, I'm afraid. They are getting reinforcements. HOBSON: What?! (BENOIT moves away from the telescope.) BENOIT: Looks like another of their spaceships. (HOBSON looks through the telescope.) DOCTOR: Oh yes, there. (The DOCTOR points and HOBSON looks in that direction. A Cyberman saucer lands.) HOBSON: Another one! (Another saucer lands. The communications centre springs into life and NILS and POLLY turn to face it.) CYBERMAN: (Over radio) We have brought up reinforcements with other weapons, newer functions. You must open the entry port. You cannot stop us now. You will all be completely destroyed. POLLY: What does he mean "other weapons"? NILS: We'll soon find out. You stay here. (He sits POLLY down so she can watch the communications centre.) NILS: I must report this to Mr Hobson. (NILS rushes away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. LUNAR SURFACE (Five CYBERMEN lift a large object out of a box.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. INTERIOR CYBERMAN SPACESHIP (Three CYBERMEN are inside. One of them is talking to the base.) CYBERMAN: I shall count to ten. If you still stupidly remain silent we shall fire. One... [SCENE_BREAK] 18. CONTROL ROOM (NILS rushes over to HOBSON, BENOIT and the DOCTOR, who are in the dome.) NILS: Hobby! They've got another weapon. They're going to... HOBSON: Yes I know. There it is. Everybody take cover. Get down, all of you! (Everyone except the DOCTOR crouches on the floor.) HOBSON: Doctor! DOCTOR: Is the gravitron still switched on? HOBSON: Yes. DOCTOR: Then I shall certainly stay here. [SCENE_BREAK] 19. LUNAR SURFACE (A group of CYBERMEN are aiming the large gun at the base.) CYBERMAN: (Over communicator) Nine, ten, fire. (A CYBERMAN lowers his arm and the others fire. A beam flies towards the base but goes way off above it, deflected by the gravitron. The CYBERMEN recoil through the force of the blast. The lead CYBERMAN looks at the base and sees there was no effect.) CYBERMAN 1: Again. (The CYBERMAN lowers its arms again.) CYBERMAN 1: Fire. (They fire and the shot is deflected over the base. The lead CYBERMAN examines the gun and then indicates for the CYBERMEN to retreat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. CONTROL ROOM (The DOCTOR smiles. HOBSON stands up.) HOBSON: What happened? DOCTOR: It just deflected over the dome! (The DOCTOR sways.) BENOIT: Doctor, are you all right? DOCTOR: Yes, of course. (HOBSON and BENOIT support him.) HOBSON: The gravitron deflected it, the force field. DOCTOR: Yes, and that gives me an idea. (The DOCTOR looks through the telescope.) DOCTOR: What are they doing now? (The CYBERMEN are putting the gun back into its box.) DOCTOR: They're packing it away. HOBSON: What'll they cook up next, I wonder? (The DOCTOR moves away from the telescope and stands next to the gravitron probe.) DOCTOR: How far down can this be aimed? HOBSON: Down? DOCTOR: Can it be brought to bear on the surface of the moon? BENOIT: I see! HOBSON: Ah, well I don't... DOCTOR: Well has it ever been tried? BENOIT: No but... but we should try! DOCTOR: With Evans gone the gravitron is all yours. BENOIT: Splendid! Magnifique! (BENOIT rushes away to the gravitron control room.) HOBSON: It can only go to here (HOBSON points his hand at the dome at about six feet up from the ground.). HOBSON: Any further down and the field may affect the base. DOCTOR: What does that matter now? HOBSON: Well I suppose you're right, yes. DOCTOR: Get someone to stand by that window... (The DOCTOR indicates the gravitron control room window.) DOCTOR: ...and relay instructions direct to Benoit. HOBSON: Right! (HOBSON walks away. The DOCTOR looks through the telescope. BENOIT enters the gravitron control room and puts on the protective cap. POLLY is standing by the window ready to give instructions. She signals to HOBSON that BENOIT is ready.) HOBSON: Ready. DOCTOR: Start moving the probe down. (HOBSON lowers his arms. POLLY repeats the action to BENOIT, who operates some controls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. LUNAR SURFACE (A group of CYBERMEN, eleven in all, advance towards the base. They stop.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. GRAVITRON CONTROL ROOM (BENOIT operates more controls. He lowers the elevation but the controls will not lower the probe any further. He signals this to POLLY. POLLY repeats this to HOBSON, who is standing by the DOCTOR in the dome.) HOBSON: That's as far as it'll go. DOCTOR: What? But it's way over their heads! There's one chance. We'll try bringing it down by hand. (The DOCTOR tries to move the probe and fails.) HOBSON: Right. DOCTOR: Is this still switched off? HOBSON: No, no, yes it's off. (HOBSON and the DOCTOR try to lift it from the front.) DOCTOR: Round the back! (The DOCTOR and HOBSON push the probe from round the back. It hardly moves.) HOBSON: Aaah! It won't move. DOCTOR: All your weight, once more. (They push again but the probe still hardly moves.) DOCTOR: Uhh! It's no use, it won't shift. HOBSON: Aaah, stupid of me. Of course it won't. DOCTOR: Why? HOBSON: Well, the angular cut out. It's obvious isn't it? (HOBSON moves over to a box at the bottom of the probe and opens it.) HOBSON: You see, there's got to be a safety cut out on the angle of the probe otherwise it might affect the whole base. (HOBSON pulls a switch.) HOBSON: There, that's done it. (HOBSON closes the box and stands up. The DOCTOR gets ready to move the probe manually again.) HOBSON: No no no, stand back. Benoit can do it now. DOCTOR: Polly! HOBSON: Switch on. (HOBSON signals to POLLY. She repeats his signal to BENOIT. BENOIT pulls a lever.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. LUNAR SURFACE (The probe lowers itself. Two CYBERMEN are lifted off their feet. They struggle to stay on the moon's surface but they are pulled up into space. More CYBERMEN are pulled up by gravity. One of the Cybermen spaceships is lifted off the surface, followed by another and another.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23. CONTROL ROOM (Everyone is standing in the dome watching the Cybermen's defeat. They all cheer hooray.) DOCTOR: We did it! Ha ha! HOBSON: Well that's taken care of the Cybermen. Now then, everybody, we've got to get this gravitron in operation again as fast as we can. DOCTOR: I'm so sorry we damaged it. HOBSON: What? Oh, yes. (They all walk into the main control area.) HOBSON: Nils, rig up a temporary aerial, call up space control. Tell Rinberg that we will be operational in er, oh about two hours. He won't like it but it's the best we can do. NILS: Right. (The DOCTOR, BEN, POLLY and JAMIE slip away unnoticed.) HOBSON: Two hours, that's all we've got to get the world's weather back under control again. Benoit, take charge of your side. BENOIT: Right. HOBSON: And er, Doctor... what the? (The doors close behind the DOCTOR's group just after they leave.) HOBSON: Ah, ah ha, well perhaps it's just as well. We've got enough madmen here already. Now come on, I want to see our first weather plot in two minutes. (All four base personnel by HOBSON chorus "Right" together.) BENOIT: Right, come on boys. (They all go to their stations.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. LUNAR SURFACE (The DOCTOR, BEN, POLLY and JAMIE are walking back to the TARDIS wearing their space suits. They take a final look back at the base and move on. The DOCTOR starts to unlock the TARDIS doors. POLLY looks up into space.) POLLY: Doctor, look. (POLLY points to the sky. There is something being propelled through space.) POLLY: Could that be them? DOCTOR: Possibly. And I hope it's the last we see of them. (Whatever it is disappears. They all enter the TARDIS. BEN closes the doors behind him. The TARDIS dematerialises. The moon is quiet again and there is nothing left except the Moonbase.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM DOCTOR: There we are. In perfect flight. POLLY: Yes, and look what happened last time. DOCTOR: Oh, that. What a lot of fuss. Just a bumpy landing, that's all. It won't happen again. (BEN and JAMIE exchange doubtful glances. A thought strikes the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: I know. BEN: What are you up to now? DOCTOR: Let's have a look at the time scanner. POLLY: The what? (The DOCTOR throws a switch.) DOCTOR: The time scanner. Instead of the normal picture showing where we are it gives you a glimpse of the future. (The DOCTOR coughs.) JAMIE: The second sight? Very dangerous. DOCTOR: Oh nonsense. I haven't used it very much. It's (The DOCTOR coughs) not very reliable as you can see. (POLLY is looking at the scanner.) POLLY: Doctor. DOCTOR: Mm? POLLY: Look! Uhh! (On the scanner there is a giant claw opening and closing.)

With the Cybermen preparing to launch a full attack, the Doctor and his friends must keep the Moonbase and the Gravitron out of their hands until help arrives from Earth.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_08x02

fd_One_Tree_Hill_08x02_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] POLICEMAN: Brooke Davis, you're under arrest. BROOKE:Wait. Why?! BROOKE: I am being charged with accounting fraud. What are they talking about? HALEY:These aren't sad tears. They're happy tears. NATHAN: What is it? HALEY: I'm pregnant. NATHAN: Oh, my... JAMIE: You found it! QUINN: No, you found it. Open it up. JAMIE: Treasure! I don't think we should keep it. QUINN: Let's get this buried again. ALEX: So you need a bartender. CHASE:Alex, your movie just blew up. ALEX: But it hasn't been released yet. So what do you say, bar manager? Want to boss me around? MIA: It's what you do, right? Break up couples? ALEX: I plan to make him happier than you ever did. So you should probably just give up and move on now. CLAY: Something terrible happened. And I dreamt that I lost you. It wasn't a dream. QUINN: Clay! NALEY'S HOUSE Haley writes her letter for Lucas, she calls Quinn. HALEY(Voice-over): Hi, Luke. Nathan left for camp today, and the house is pretty quiet. Should be more time for me to write. I've been feeling better lately, but...I still think about my mom a lot. I still feel her sometimes, hear her voice... And see her smile. The truth is, I miss her. I miss you. I miss Peyton... And Keith... And Karen... And Nathan while he's gone. But it helps to have Quinny closer. QUINN'S PHONE: Hey, this is Quinn, and this is the beep. HALEY: Hi, Quinny. It's me again. Nathan said he stopped by and you guys didn't answer. So... just call me back when you get this. You're starting to freak me out a little and I have something I want to tell you. So... call me. Nerd. HALEY:(Voice-over): The truth is, when it gets really quiet, when the silence gets too loud and I really start to miss everyone, I tell myself the same thing. I can't see you, but I know you're there. CLOTHES OVER BROS Mouth enters the store, Julian is here. MOUTH: Wow. I guess I picked the wrong day to ask for a job. Brooke speaks with her lawyer in company about Victoria and Millicent. BROOKE: What exactly are we being charged with? ATTORNEY: One count conspiracy to commit securities fraud, one count conspiracy to commit wire fraud and three additional counts of wire fraud. BROOKE: Okay. Could you explain this to me as if I'm, say... 12? ATTORNEY: The security-fraud charges allege a knowing misrepresentation of earnings filed in quarterly and annual reports to the securities and exchange commission on behalf of Clothes over Bros. BROOKE: Right. How about like I'm 8? VICTORIA: We're being charged with lying to potential investors about the value of our company to get them to invest in the men's line. MILLICENT: We're not proud of that. BROOKE: Does it matter if I was completely unaware of all of this? ATTORNEY: Well, unfortunately, they have signed documents that prove otherwise. BROOKE: Documents signed by who? ATTORNEY: Well, signed by you, Ms. Davis. BROOKE: Uh-huh. CLUB TRIC Alex called to Chase drinks that it prepared. ALEX: Long Island Iced Tea, Freddie Fuddpucker, Salty Dog, Moscow Mule, and a Brain Blaster. CHASE: Whoa. Are you trying to get me drunk? ALEX: Yes, and I'm also proving my bartender skills to my not-so-bossy boss. CHASE: Hm. Brain blaster. Come on. How come yours is good? ALEX: 'Cause I'm kind of awesome like that. Plus, I changed the ingredients. Oh, and check it out. CHASE: We're not open yet! (A group of guy wait the main door) MAN: Hey, is this the bar where Alex Dupre is bar-tending? CHASE: Yeah. But we're not open yet. MAN: That's fine. We'll wait. ALEX: I might have tweeted a few things. CLAY'S HOUSE Halley strikes the main door but nobody answers. She moves towards the window of the room and sees Clay and Quinn in blood. HALEY: Quinn? Clay? The subcontinents of Quinn and Clay try to know what it occurred. CLAY: It wasn't a dream. You went to bed. Do you remember? You went to the bedroom. QUINN: Yeah, but then I came back. CLAY: No, you didn't come back. Just try and remember. You went to the bedroom. QUINN: I went to the bedroom, and I turned the light on, and... Katie was there. CLAY: Did you see the same thing I saw? QUINN: She had a gun. Clay, I didn't come back. CLAY: Oh, my god. QUINN: Clay, what's happening? CLAY: It's my fault. HOSPITAL Clay and Quinn are transported to the hospital in urgency. AMBULANCE WOMAN: Two victims coming in, both critical. Victim one, male. Estimated mid-20s. Single gunshot wound to the chest. Victim two, female. Estimated early 20s. Single gunshot to the abdomen. Both unresponsive, time unknown, with massive blood loss. SURGEON: What do we got? AMBULANCE WOMAN: Two gunshot victims. Unknown down time. At least 12 hours. SURGEON: How the hell's he still alive? Okay, O.R. Let's go. CLAY: Quinn. Hey. Help her. Quinn! Hey -- please help her! It's my fault. BEACH Clay rejoins Quinn. CLAY: It's all my fault. ONE TREE HILL - GENERIQUE HOSPITAL Haley is in waiting room, she tries to join Brooke. CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke does not answer, she wants to know what one does Victoria and Millicent. BROOKE: Why is my signature on these documents? VICTORIA: Because you live in Tree Hill with your friends, wandering about, going to film festivals and the like. BROOKE: Be careful, mother. MILLICENT: Brooke, we sign all kinds of things for you. BROOKE: But you knew this was illegal. And now my supposed signature is on everything. VICTORIA: Honey, you empowered us to do this. BROOKE: No, I empowered you to pick a cover model for the magazine, not to send me to prison. This is not my fault! VICTORIA: Nobody's going to prison. BROOKE: I wouldn't be so sure about that. But let me tell you something. If somebody is, it is not gonna be me. You did this, and you helped her, and I will not take the blame for this! PEYTON'S OFFICE Halley calls Mia, she answers. MIA: Hi, Hales. HALEY: Hi. Um, I hate to ask, but I was just wondering if you could pick Jamie up for me. Uh, I tried Brooke, and I couldn't get her. MIA: Sure. Is everything okay? HALEY: Well, I can't really talk right now, but if you could just, um, get Jamie and keep him busy until you hear from me, that would be great. He's at, um, Kennedy Park, okay? MIA: No problem. I'll get him. Just call me when you can, okay? HALEY: Okay. Thanks. MIA: Bye. [ cellphone beeps ] CLUB TRIC Guys have fun with Alex. Mia unloads. CHASE: Hey. This... this isn't... Okay, it is, but... MIA: Can I borrow your car? CHASE: Sure. Is everything okay? MIA: Everything is so not okay. On second thought... (Mia drinks alcohol glass) MIA: You better drive. I've been drinking. KENNEDY PARK Chase comes to recover Jamie. CHASE: Hey, Jamie. How you doing, buddy? JAMIE: Do I know you? CHASE: Dude... Who are you, Victoria Davis? It's me -- Chase. Bartender from Tric. Well, Bar Manager. I built you that snow fort in Utah. JAMIE: Oh, right. Hey. CHASE: So, listen, um, your mom had something come up, so I'm supposed to pick you up today. You ready? JAMIE: Yeah, I don't think so. CHASE: No, seriously. Your mom called Mia, and we're supposed to get you. JAMIE: Well, I'm kind of hungry. Do you have any snacks? CHASE: Um... I got some gum in the car. JAMIE: Okay, so, you expect me to get in your car and take candy from a stranger? Yeah, I'm gonna have to pass. (Mia comes in) MIA: What's up? CHASE: He doesn't want to go. MIA: Hey, Jamie. Remember me? I'm Mia. I work at Red Bedroom Records. JAMIE: Oh, yeah. Hey. You're really good friends with my mom, huh? MIA: Yeah, that's right. I am really good friends with your mom. JAMIE: So, if you're really good friends with my mom, how come you weren't in Utah? MIA: You make a good point. JAMIE: No offense, but considering my history, I'm gonna have to pass up on you, too. (Julian comes in too) JULIAN: Jamie Scott. Dude, your mom left me a message to pick you up. You ready? JAMIE: Yeah, sure. Let's go. JULIAN: Hey. CHASE: Man, that kid hates me. MIA: I didn't even get invited to Utah. HOSPITAL Quinn tries to understand the situation. QUINN: I don't understand what's happening. I mean, this has to be a dream. CLAY: I don't think so. QUINN: Will you just stop and talk to me? What are you looking for? CLAY: Us. QUINN: Haley! Brooke is arrived. Quinn sees Haley but she not. HALEY: Oh, thank God you're here. BROOKE: Oh, my god. I'm so sorry. I came as soon as I got your message. Julian's picking up Jamie. How are they? QUINN: Haley, I'm right here. HALEY: Um, Quinn got out of surgery... QUINN: Hales. HALEY: And Clay didn't. QUINN: Haley! HALEY: It was horrible, Brooke. BROOKE: And you found them? QUINN: She can't see me. CLAY: I can. KENNEDY PARK Julian offers an ice to Jamie. JULIAN: Thanks, man. So, what are Mia and Chase doing here? JAMIE: Trying to kidnap me. JULIAN: Nice. Good thing we foiled 'em. JAMIE: So, what went wrong? JULIAN: Nothing. Why? JAMIE: Well, it's just weird that you're picking me up. JULIAN: No, it's not. We hung out together in Utah, bro. We... we had drinks at the bar, el borracho. You gave me the good-luck gold star. JAMIE: Oh, yeah. I'm gonna need that back. JULIAN: Okay. JAMIE: I'm gonna have to use it for whatever you're not telling me about. JULIAN: Stop it.So, baseball, huh? JAMIE: Yep. JULIAN: Dude, I totally sucked at baseball. I always used to strike out, and then they'd yell stuff like "Julian's screwed again." Stupid Brian Fernandez. JAMIE: I could probably help you with that. JULIAN: Yeah? JAMIE: Well, not the bitter part about Brian Fernandez, but the hitting part. JULIAN: Okay, let's do it. JAMIE: Besides, we're probably gonna have to kill some time, huh? JULIAN: Until what? JAMIE: Until you tell me what went wrong. JULIAN: Bro, nothing went wrong. HOSPITAL Clay is in operating room. his subsconcient looks it by the pane in top. MAN: Come on, kid. Hung in there this long. Don't give up now. WOMAN: You ever heard of anyone surviving something like this? MAN: No. WOMAN: Blood pressure dropping. We're losing him. GROUND OF BASEBALL Julian draws but he never arrives at touching the ball with the beater. JAMIE: Can I ask you something? JULIAN: Sure. JAMIE: Have you had your eyes checked lately? JULIAN: Thanks a lot. (He tries again but he arrives not yet) JULIAN: You know what -- if you're so good at it, why don't you come out and show me what you got, hot shot? JAMIE: All right. JULIAN: Beginner's luck. Okay, I think the machine's broken. It's totally pitching slower now. Show-off. JAMIE: It's not that hard. You just have to swing level. Don't try to kill it. JULIAN: Okay. JAMIE: Lower your back shoulder a little bit. JULIAN: Okay. JAMIE:A little more. JULIAN: Yeah? JAMIE: Perfect. Now swing level. JULIAN: Oh-ho-ho-ho! JAMIE:Yeah! Nice! JULIAN: Yeah! That's the first hit I've ever gotten in my life. JAMIE: Hit another one. JULIAN: Aah! Take that, Brian Fernandez! JAMIE: You got to let it go, dude. JULIAN: Yeah, I know. Ahh! HOSPITAL Brooke brings coffee to Haley. BROOKE: Hey. HALEY: Thanks. I thought they were dead. I got worried when I didn't hear from them since Utah, and... I just had this feeling, and I should have gone out there sooner. BROOKE: Haley. HALEY: I should have. And when Quinn didn't call me back, I should have gotten in the car, instead of being lazy, and just gone... BROOKE: Haley, stop. You just got home from Utah, and you found out that you're pregnant. It's amazing that you went out there when you did. It's more than I would have done. Do not beat yourself up over this. You hear me? After everything you've been through, It's not good for you. And it can't be good for the baby. You did everything you could, Hales. Now, what can I do for you? HALEY: Nothing. It's just really nice to have you here. I love you, Brooke Davis. BROOKE: I know. I love you, too. HALEY: I just don't think we say it enough, and I'm really sorry for that. BROOKE: Listen to me. Quinn made it through surgery, and she can make it all the way back. All right? She's a James girl. HALEY: I just wish... The doctors would tell me something. They're not telling me anything. And now I have to talk to the police. BROOKE: Oh, don't get me started on the police. Long story. KENNEDY PARK Chase and Mia talk. MIA: It's a long story... The reasons I thought we should break up. CHASE: You don't have to explain it. MIA: No, I think I do. I just hadn't been back in a long time, and every night, I'd sit on the tour bus and have conversations with the road. CHASE: And what did the road have to say? MIA: The road said that a long-distance girlfriend who sleeps better on a bus than she ever has in her own bed is a gypsy and a nomad and... No girlfriend at all. And then the night agreed with the road, and...We all decided that you deserve better. CHASE: Well... I guess I appreciate that, but... the truth is, your texts made it sound like you decided that you deserved better. At least, whenever you actually responded at all. MIA: I'm terrible with that. I know I am. And I'm sorry. CHASE:Yeah. So am I. CLUB TRIC Mouth talks with Alex. MOUTH: So, how'd you get this job, anyway? ALEX: It's kind of a long story. MOUTH: You know, I asked Chase if he was hiring when we were in Utah. ALEX: I tied a cherry stem with my tongue. MOUTH: Damn it. ALEX: Anyways, I thought you used to be on tv or something. MOUTH: I thought you used to be in movies or something. ALEX: I'm taking a break. MOUTH: Yeah. Me too. Only, uh, mine's kind of not on purpose. ALEX: That's like saying you're celibate when you can't get laid. MOUTH: Then I guess I'm celibate, too. (Chase comes in) MOUTH: Dude, really? CHASE: What? MOUTH: I asked you for a job in Utah. CHASE: Yeah, but she kisses better. MOUTH: Man, you gave away my job and you lied to me about my kissing? I wish I never made out with you in Utah. CHASE: He's joking. ALEX: Hey, if that's your story. ALEX: So, how'd it go with your ex, who's not as near as good as the current? CHASE: It went fine. How'd it go here? ALEX: It went fine. CHASE: Mm. Mm. Listen... I'm sorry, but she tied a cherry stem with her tongue. MOUTH: Just sayin'. PLATE OF PLAYS Jamie wins all the time. JAMIE: Yes! Sorry. JULIAN: Jamie, you don't have to say you're sorry every time you beat me at something. Okay, I told you that after pac-man, donkey kong, the rock-climbing wall, and skee ball. JAMIE: Well, sorry. Didn't you play anything when you grew up? No sports, no video games? JULIAN: I watched a lot of movies. And I watched a lot of people. I used to watch people and make up stories about them. JAMIE: You didn't have any friends, huh? Okay, well, what kind of stories? JULIAN: Um, well... All right, take that guy. That guy works here for now, but he used to run the sideshow in a traveling carnival... until the bearded lady broke his heart and he had to get away. JAMIE: My dad says I won't be able to grow a beard till I'm at least 30. JULIAN: Be happy about that. JAMIE: Okay, well, what about that guy? JULIAN: That guy... Hates tattoo guy because tattoo guy called his graphic novels "comic books." He also borrowed his first-edition copy of "The Alcoholic" and never gave it back. JAMIE: Chuck's mom is an alcoholic. JULIAN: He totally spit in that drink, too. All right, you try it. JAMIE: Okay. That lady... Isn't really that boy's mom. She just had to pick him up and do a bunch of fun stuff with him because something went wrong and she's too chicken to tell him. Oh, and she's also about to bribe him with a nice cold root beer. JULIAN: Really? HOSPITAL Quinn joins Clay in surgery room. QUINN: Hey. CLAY: Hey. How are you doing? QUINN: I feel weak. CLAY: How's the other you doing? QUINN: I don't know. I was checking on the other you. We're still alive, aren't we, Clay? I mean, we'll go back, right? We'll be us again? CLAY: Yeah. Of course. QUINN: I just don't want it to be over. CLAY: I know. QUINN: If I have to be stuck here, even if it is forever... at least I'm with you. Haley is with the bedside of Quinn, Nathan joins her. Then, he will see Clay. NATHAN: Hey, buddy. It's me. Doctor says you can maybe hear me, so, uh... If you can, why don't you... I don't know...book me a rainstorm body spray commercial or something, and then we can get the hell out of here. Listen... You know how you're always telling me what a warrior I am? The truth is, you're the warrior. My life is so much better because of you and I'm not sure I ever said "thank you" for that. The, um... The doctors say it's a miracle that you're even breathing but I know that it's not. All this is nothing. 'Cause I know your spirit and I've seen your strength. Okay, so... Just... Just come back to us when you can because I never said "thank you" and I never said "I love you." CLAY: I love you, too, Nate. I'm gonna miss you, buddy. Haley talks with Quinn. HALEY: You know, I was thinking the other day about those little plays we used to put on when we were little for the whole family. You know, we would color invitations, and everybody got all dressed up. We made snacks and lemonade and you always insisted on singing and dancing. And you were... Really terrible at both. And you turned into this... beautiful swan. I was so proud of you. I went to the beach house to tell you that...I'm pregnant. And I want you to be the godmother, because it's been everything having you near me this past year. They say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. And I guess I didn't know how much I missed you till you were in my life every day. How much I needed you. Come home soon, Quinny. And if you see mom, you tell her to send you right back here to me... Because we have invitations to make and stories to write. Just me and my beautiful swan of a sister. QUINN: She's pregnant and I'm supposed to be the godmother. (Clay joins Quinn in her room) CLAY: You will be. Come on. GARDEN Quinn and Clay walk. QUINN: It's beautiful. CLAY: I was gonna take you here before we went to Utah. QUINN: Well, why didn't you? CLAY: I just got busy, you know? I thought that we had more time. Hey, but promise me that you'll go back here someday. QUINN: We'll go. Together. CLAY: And promise me that you'll take the time to feel... Lucky and happy and fortunate. Don't waste days with "what could have beens" and "what should have beens." QUINN: Clay, why are you telling me these things? CLAY: Because those things don't matter. QUINN: Clay... Why are you talking like this? CLAY: Because you have to leave me now. HOSPITAL Brooke, Nathan and Haley wait. WOMAN ON P.A.: Paging Dr. Stateman. Dr. Stateman, please. BROOKE: So...I got arrested today. NATHAN: What? HALEY: Why? What happened? BROOKE: Apparently, my lovely mother and Millicent lied about the company's earnings and falsified a whole bunch of documents with my signature on them. NATHAN: Lied to who? BROOKE: Investors. HALEY: Brooke, how bad can this get? BROOKE: I don't know. I met with our attorney this morning. They're saying some things, but... HALEY: Brooke. How bad can it get? BROOKE: I could lose the company. HALEY: Oh, my god. Why didn't you say anything? BROOKE: Because it's not life and death. Because I haven't even really congratulated you on your pregnancy. I am so happy for you guys. But I had a thought. If you really like the new baby, can I have Jamie? NATHAN: Yeah, you can have him. But you have to have the s*x talk with him first. BROOKE: Already? It's like yesterday he was... HALEY: Going on treasure hunts with Quinn. CLUB TRIC Jamie and Julian drank glass. JAMIE: It's my aunt Quinn, isn't it? Something happened to my aunt Quinn. JULIAN: Why would you say that? JAMIE: Well, because she was supposed to pick me up today. And she never misses her day with me. JULIAN: Yeah, buddy. Your aunt Quinn's in the hospital. JAMIE: Well, I'm glad they sent you to pick me up. You don't just treat me like a kid. So, can we go to the hospital now? JULIAN: Let me call your mom and check. HOSPITAL Nathan is with the bedside of Clay and Haley to the bedside of Quinn. CLUB TRI C Millicent joins Mouth. GARDEN Clay and Quinn are looked at. Clay disappears. HOSPITAL Julian and Jamie arrives. CLUB TRIC Millicent talk with Mouth. MOUTH: I'm really sorry about Clothes over Bros, Millie. MILLICENT: I'm just sorry for Brooke. She trusted me, and I let her down...again. MOUTH: There's got to be some leniency, though, right? I mean, you make restitution to the investors and you pay a fine or something. MILLICENT: I don't think it's that simple. It's a federal offense. ALEX: Hey, bitch! What's the haps? Are you guys totally re-hooking it up? Okay. Sorry. I'm gonna walk away. MOUTH: So, how's Brooke doing with her mom? CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke recovers some businesses. BROOKE: You were never proud of me, were you? VICTORIA: Why would you say that? BROOKE: Because if you were proud of me, if you believed in me and in the men's line, you wouldn't have lied. You wouldn't have felt the need to make Clothes over Bros seem better than it is. VICTORIA: Is that what you think? BROOKE: Yeah, it is. VICTORIA: Well, you're wrong. It's because I did believe. I thought I could lie to them because I did believe in you, because I've seen you do amazing things. And in the face of a poor economy, I refused to believe that you wouldn't do it again. I gamble on your talent, Brooke. I gamble on your instinct and your ability to make miracles happen. And I'm usually right. Gambling is what you pay me to do. That other stuff...that "I'm proud of you" part...I always did that for free. It's always been the easy part. BEACH QUINN: What do you mean I have to leave you now? CLAY: I mean you have to go back. QUINN: With you. CLAY: Quinn, you've been saying it yourself. You're feeling weak. You know why that is? Because your body's healing, so it's getting ready to leave this place. QUINN: So what? CLAY: So I've been feeling stronger. My body's getting stronger. QUINN: It doesn't matter, okay? I'm staying with you. CLAY: You can't. QUINN: Would you just stop saying things like that, okay? We're together for a reason, okay, and I'm not gonna leave you. CLAY: You don't have a choice. Quinn, you can't choose not to live. And even if you could, I wouldn't let you. QUINN: None of this is real, anyways. CLAY: Listen to me. Haley's pregnant. She can't lose you right now. I mean, what would that do to her? And think what that would do to the baby. Think what that would do to Jamie. HOSPITAL Jamie wants to speak in Quinn. NATHAN: Now, remember what the doctor said. Got to be positive, upbeat, okay? JAMIE: Is it okay if I talk to her alone? NATHAN: Yeah, of course. I'll just be right outside if you need me, okay? BEACH Quinn starts to dig sand. HOSPITAL JAMIE: Hi, aunt Quinn. I wanted to come see you because I knew something was wrong, and I know you'd never miss one of our days together unless you really had to. I'm sorry that people do bad things like this, especially to good people, like you. Well, I'm just sorry, that's all. Anyway, I know you're gonna be okay, but just in case, I brought you something. I love you, aunt Quinn. And don't worry, 'cause you look really pretty. (Jamie gives her the star amulet) BEACH Quinn discovers the treasure where the star is hidden. CHURCH OF HOSPITAL Nathan finds Haley. HALEY: Not long ago, I was here praying for my mom. NATHAN: I know. HALEY: I'm trying hard not to be angry. I'm trying to be sympathetic to whatever sickness or disease would allow someone to do something like this. But I think I'm losing that battle. NATHAN: I'm way ahead of you. HALEY: You should be at camp. NATHAN: It'll be fine. It's fine. HALEY: Good. 'Cause I need you. NATHAN: I'm right here. BEACH Quinn joins Clay. QUINN: I want to stay with you. CLAY: I know. And I want that, but you can't. QUINN: I can. Okay? I'm just fine, Clay. I'm right here. CLAY: It doesn't matter. I can't have you here with me. Wherever this is, I need you to go back. QUINN: Why?! CLAY: Because it was my fault. CLUB TRIC Millicent stills talks with Mouth. MILLICENT: It was my fault. I knew Victoria was doing the wrong thing, and I let her do it anyway. What happened to me, Marvin? How did I get here? MOUTH: Are you asking the guy who used to be on buses and billboards in Omaha or the guy who needs you to pay for his drinks tonight? MILLICENT: I'm really sorry about what happened to you. MOUTH: Don't be. MILLICENT: But you came back from Omaha for me. MOUTH: And I came back to a good job. The rest of it was my doing, Millie, so you're not to blame for this... I am. It was my fault, too. Mia talks with Alex. MIA: It was my fault. You were right. I screwed up my relationship with Chase all on my own. That doesn't mean you're not a bitch, because you are one. It just means it was my fault. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke feels guilty. BROOKE: It was my fault. I blamed my mom and I blamed Millicent, but it's my company, and it was my fault. JULIAN: But you didn't make them lie, Brooke. BROOKE: No, I forced them to. Not directly, but I did with the choices I made. JULIAN: Hey, you're not gonna lose the company. Okay? But even if you did... So what, you know?You're here. We're here. And after a day like today, it all gets pretty simple, doesn't it? They can't take away your talent. You built this company with your talent and your instincts. And no one can take those away from you. BEACH QUINN: But everything is better with you. Everything is better and everything is safe, and I can't live without you. I don't want to, Clay. CLAY: You won't have to. You won't. QUINN: Then come with me. Please. Why can't you just come back with me? CLAY: Hey, listen to me. I can't explain it, but this is what we have to do. You just got to trust me. QUINN: Then promise me. I'll do whatever you say, okay? CLAY: Okay. QUINN: Just promise me you'll come back to me. Promise me you'll open your eyes and you'll live a long, healthy, amazing life. Promise it. Promise me. CLAY: I'm going to live a long, healthy, amazing life... With you. I promise. Till kingdom come. Now open your eyes. QUINN: I don't want to -- not if it means losing you, Clay. I can't. CLAY: It won't. I promise you. QUINN: Till kingdom come. I love you. CLAY: Now open your eyes. Till kingdom come. HOSPITAL Quinn opens the eyes. End of the episode.

Alex becomes a success as a bartender, Mia opens up to Chase. Julian and Jamie bond while Clay and Quinn lie in a coma in the hospital. Haley struggles with what has happened while Nathan decides to stay in Tree Hill a little bit longer to help her through the tragedy. Meanwhile, Brooke deals with publicity and finding a way to keep her from going to jail for Victoria's actions. This episode is named after a song by Laura Jane Grace . Opening theme song performed by Kate Voegele .

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(Seattle Scenes) (SGH Courtyard) MVO: Forty years ago, The Beatles asked the world a simple question. They wanted to know where all the lonely people came from. My latest theory is that a great many of the lonely people come from hospitals. More precisely the surgical wings of hospitals. (NICU Ward) (Izzie, George, Cristina & Meredith are all in a room either standing over or sitting in front their respective quints who are in incubators. The babies are very tiny) George: I have the best quint. Lucy, she just smiled at me. Izzie: She's nine hours old, George. George: I'm saying there are 5 babies here and clearly mine is the advanced one Meredith: Charlotte's smart. She's got wrinkles on her forehead, very serious. Izzie: Okay, A. This is not a competition and B. my quint kicks your quints' asses. Emily is strong, she won't let go of my finger. Cristina: Ah, hey! Julie has her organs on the outside of her body and she's still alive thank you. (Alex walks into the room) Alex: Kate's the best one. (Izzie doesn't turn around to face him) Izzie. Izzie: Leave. Alex: Can we please just talk? Izzie: You're too busy screwing nurses to talk. Just get out. Alex: Can someone make sure that Kate's vitals remain stable? Meredith: I will. (Alex leaves) Izzie: He's unbelievable! I am so glad I never slept with him which is his loss because I'm really good in bed. Mind blowing. Mind blowingly good in bed. Cristina: Are you trying to seduce us? Izzie (disdain in her voice): And then he sleeps with Olivia instead of me. Olivia. George: Hey, I slept with Olivia. Izzie: Yeah well then you both have bad taste. George: You know you can't say that you weren't warned. Alex has always been Alex. Meredith: You dodged a bullet, Iz, you're better off without him. Cristina: Why are you even surprised? Sleep with a snake, you get bit. Izzie (upset): Thanks, guys. For the support. (Dr. Bailey enters the room) Bailey: Who's on call tonight? Izzie: I am. Bailey: All right, the rest of you go home. Sleep. All 5 quints are still alive. It's a good day. MVO: As surgeons we ignore our own needs so we can meet our patients' needs. (Izzie watches as they all leave the room) (Meredith's house) (Meredith is lying in bed by herself awake) MVO: We ignore our friends and families so we can save other people's friends and families. (George is lying awake in bed by himself) MVO: Which means that at the end of the day all we really have is ourselves. (Quints room) (Izzie is resting her head in the babies room looking sad) MVO: And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that. (Burke's apartment) (Burke is sitting at the dining table reading a paper with breakfast prepared laid out before him. Cristina comes rushing in from the bedroom getting dressed) Burke: I made breakfast. Cristina: I don't, I don't have time for breakfast. I've gotta round before everyone else does if I want to get the good cases, you know that. (She puts on her coat and grabs her bag) Burke: Right. Well, coffee? (He holds up a mug of coffee for her to sit and have with him) (Cristina misunderstands and takes the cup from him, puts it into a flask to takeaway with her and puts the mug in the sink. Burke looks confused. Cristina leaves) Burke: Bye! (SGH Hallway) (George and Meredith are holding cups of takeaway coffee walking down the hallway) George: So I was thinking uh we could ah, I mean you could ah maybe ah go Joe's later, to talk by ourselves ... Meredith (interrupts teasing): Somewhere new? Somewhere to be ... (she stops and tells George to shh when she sees Addison and Derek arguing in front of them a few feet away) Addison: Cause you live in a glorified camper! Derek: 40 acres of some of the most beautiful land in Seattle! Addison: I did not give up a Central Park brownstone to come live in the forest! Derek: Addie, our house in the Hamptons had trees. You didn't mind those trees, did you? Addison: They were the Hamptons. Derek: Why are you pointing at me like that? Addison: Don't ... (Their argument trails off as Meredith and George stop walking behind them. Meredith turns back to George) Meredith: I'm sorry, what were you saying? (George looks at her and then back down the hall) George: Oh, nothing. (George and Meredith are entering the staff locker room. Cristina is standing there eating chips out of a bag. Izzie is sitting against the lockers fast asleep) Cristina: Oh, does anyone have any decent food? George: You really should eat breakfast. Cristina: God, you sound like Burke. You know sometimes I think we would be better off with dogs. Meredith: Preaching to the choir! I'm over men. George: Real nice. You know a dog is not a replacement for a human being. (Alex wanders past them) Alex (gestures to Izzie): You guys better wake her. If Bailey catches her sleeping, she's dead. Cristina: Izzie. (she kicks Izzie) Izzie. Izzie (angry): Damn it, what? Cristina (to George): Hell hath no fury like a girl whose non-boyfriend screws a nurse. Izzie: Bitch. Cristina (nods): I like you bitter and pissed off. You're almost like a normal person now. (Bailey, Izzie, Meredith & Alex are entering a patient's room. George is already in there. Patient name is Carl Murphy who has enormous swelling, pooling of blood at his nose and finger) Bailey: Okay, what do we got? George: Ah, Karl Murphy. 52. Multiple skin melanomas. Under went reconstructive surgery to his nose, right ear, as well as skin graft to the left index finger. Bailey: How's the capillary refill? George: Slow. About 4 seconds. Bailey: Ah what do you recommend to get that blood moving Dr. O'Malley? George: At this stage our best options are probably a bio-therapeutic agent. Karl: What, what is that? George: We put leeches on your face. Karl (smiles): Leeches? You don't say. Bailey: They secrete blood thinners to help break up pooled blood so it can help be evacuated. Sorta like a, a big drain. Look if this makes you uncomfortable ... Karl (interrupts): No, no, no. I've been a hiker for forty years. Almost forty years now and Mother Nature hasn't come up with anything yet that I haven't found reason to love. Bailey (smiles): You're a big outdoorsman? Karl: How do you think I got all these melanomas in the first place? (Bailey is with her group in an open ward. She pulls open the curtains and sees Derek standing over Mr. Martin unconscious taking some notes) Bailey: Oh Dr. Shepherd, you're in early if you'd like us to come back? Derek: No go ahead. Meredith: Robert Martin. 45. Collapsed and hit his head which caused a small subdural hemorrhage. Derek (he looks pointedly at Alex): That was the problem. Meredith: Mr. Martin was found to have a Rathke's Cleft Cyst on his pituitary and surgery was postponed when ... (she trails off) Alex: When I told a nurse ... Izzie (interrupts): Olivia. Alex: When I told a nurse to administer an incorrect dosage of hypertonic saline. Derek (angry): Essentially dehydrating Mr. Martin's brain. Alex: He still has chance he could wake up and be fine. (Derek gives him a look and starts moving to walk off. Alex stops him. The others listen to their convo quietly as they try to speak privately) Derek (scoffs): There is a chance. Alex: I know I screwed up, just put me back on this case please. Derek: There's not much of a case left here Dr. Karev. You saw to that. You want back on, be my guest. (They all leave except for Alex who stands close over Mr. Martin) (In the Quints' room Dorie and Tom are standing looking at their baby girls. Addison is checking one of them. Bailey and her interns come in, including Alex) Addison: Oh good here you are. Mom and Dad are anxious for an update. Dr. Yang? (Tom helps Dorie back into her wheelchair) Cristina: Ah we've done the initial surgery on Julie's omphalocele. A primary closure was attempted but there was pulmonary comprise, so we couldn't continue... Bailey (interrupts): Yang, how about we do this in plain English? Cristina: Oh, um we operated on Julie's external sac of organs and we pushed in as much of the bowel we could and we think we can push in the rest with a second operation. (Tom nods but Dorie sighs) Dorie: She has to have a second operation? Cristina: Yeah. (Dr. Bailey nudges her) Uh well not for a few days. Addison: Dr. O'Malley. George: We put in Lucy's brain shunt in yesterday and she's doing very well, but we just have to keep monitoring her to make sure the spinal fluid doesn't back up. (Addison nods) Addison: Stevens. Izzie: Dr. Burke used a catheter to open Emily's atrial septum last night. Today we're going to go in and try to reconstruct the left chamber of her heart. We're very hopeful. Addison: Dr. Grey. Meredith: Charlotte's lungs were a little more underdeveloped than the rest of the quints so we put a special mask on her to help her breathe and we're monitoring her closely. Addison : And that just leaves Kate. Alex: She seems to be pretty healthy. No major issues have been identified but we're going to keep her in the isolette till she makes it to 4 pounds. Tom: You hear that honey? Kate's doing really well. (Dorie looks despondent) Dorie: I'll be in my room. (She is wheeled out of the room by a nurse) Tom: Dr. Shepherd? Addison: It's alright Tom. She's just had 5 babies. Her hormones are all over the place. Just give her some time. She'll come around ... (Their conversation dies off as they make their way out of the room. Izzie looks on sad) (Bailey and her interns are walking up stairs in the hospital) Bailey: Grey, keep an eye on the mother of the quints. Make sure her hormones don't get the best of her. Izzie: But I can look after Dorie. Bailey: No you have ah Emily's heart surgery with Dr. Burke. Izzie: But I have a relationship with the mother. Bailey: Why are you arguing with me? Izzie: Because I don't understand why I'm being pushed off of the case! (Bailey stops walking and turns around to face Izzie) Bailey: Hey, Hey Stevens! I don't know what you're so angry about but I don't care. You better keep it to yourself. (the others watch quietly) On top of every other patient we have under our care, we've got quints to worry about, understood? Izzie (nods): Yeah. Bailey: Look these are preemie's people, they were supposed to have spent another 8 weeks in the womb. Just like interns, they're not ready for the real world. (her beeper goes) Oh, it's the pit. Yang, come with me. (Bailey heads back down the stairs with Cristina and the others head off in different directions) (Bailey and Cristina are standing outside an ambulance in front of the E.R part of the hospital. The paramedic Jill walks out to meet them) Jill: Constance Ferguson. 40. Inmate at Henderson. (she opens the back doors to ambulance) Swallowed a razor blade. Cristina: Attempted suicide? Bailey: Attempted field trip. Worked too. (Some ER doctors and Jill pull out a gurney with Constance played by Rosanna Arquette, screaming with joy) Cristina (to Dr. Bailey): What do you mean field trip? Bailey: It says on her chart she's was in solitary. This is her way out. Cristina: Oh is she crazy? (They start wheeling Constance into the hospital) Jill (sarcastic): If you call a murder crazy. Constance: Yeah, baby that's what I'm talking about! (Constance is lying in a hospital bed chained by handcuffs. Two policewomen are sitting outside the room. Bailey & Cristina are in the room with Constance) Bailey: Ms. Ferguson, are you experiencing any discomfort? Constance: You mean apart from these snazzy handcuffs you got pinching my wrists? Bailey (gives Cristina a look): Did you at least put tape on the blade? Constance: I'm not an idiot. Bailey: You swallowed a razor blade. (Constance raises her eyebrows at her) Bailey: So you're not going to tell me what it hurts? Constance: What and shorten my vacation? (to Cristina) Hey since you're just standing around why don't you get me some chocolate pudding? Make the blade go down smoother. (Bailey hands the chart over to Cristina) Bailey: Yang, get an x-ray. Make it portable. Prisoners so we have to minimize flight risk. Cristina: Wh, what, okay, okay but I'm supposed to check on Julie. I thought you said we were supposed to keep a close eye on the quints. Bailey: Julie is my quint too. I got that covered, you do this. Cristina: Are you sure you can't do it? Bailey: I can! I choose not to! (Dr. Bailey leaves the room) Constance: Come on baby. I'm not gonna hurt you. I only murdered three people and none of them were doctors. (George is entering Mr. Murphy's room. There's a jar of leeches on the table at the end of the bed. Nurse Olivia is already in there trying to put a leech on Mr. Murphy's nose) George: Olivia. Olivia: Dr. O'Malley. George: How are the leeches doing? Olivia: They're not. Still can't get them to bite. Carl: All this blood. Think it'd be a no-brainer for a leech. George: Sometimes they get a little anxious, bright lights (he switches off the bed side light) thunderstorms ... Olivia (drops the leech): Ooh! George: Nervous handlers. Olivia (to Mr. Murphy): I'm sorry. I should be better at this. (Mr. Murphy smiles as if to say its okay) I still get a little squeamish around leeches. George: Huh, that's not what I've heard. (Olivia gives George a look) Olivia: Dr. O'Malley can take over from here. (Olivia leaves the room and George moves to where she was standing to put on the leeches) Carl: Whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that all about? George: Nothing. (He picks up a leech) Okay. (He gets it to bite) There we are. He's in. (Izzie is standing by herself in an elevator looking stone-faced, arms crossed in front of her as the doors open. Olivia gets on the elevator and breathes out deeply to herself. The doors of the lift close) Olivia: I had no idea that you and Alex were a couple. It's just ... I was having a bad day and it was good to have someone. (The elevator dings past a floor) To talk to I mean. Not good to ... Alex really is good. (She nods) I mean he's good in the way he's a good person good. Not the other kind of good. (The elevator dings past another floor) You know good in bed, good. ... Which he is as I'm sure you know, but ... (The elevator dings open at a floor and Izzie gets off still stone faced and not saying anything) Olivia: Oh ok. Well bye. (Meredith is sitting at Charlotte's incubator checking on her in the quints' room. A nurse is there with her at Lucy's incubator. Derek walks in towards Lucy's incubator) Derek: Any temperature spikes? Nurse: No, no fever. Vitals are stable. Derek: Good, that's very good. Go ahead, after you. Thanks. Nurse: Thanks. (The nurse leaves and Derek checks Lucy's chart. George is comes to the door and stops himself from walking in when he sees Meredith in there with Derek and stays outside and watches) Meredith: So, you're giving up the trailer? Derek: I'm not giving up the trailer. Is Addison telling people that I'm giving up the trailer? Meredith: It's just funny, I just never would have pegged for that guy. Derek: What guy? Meredith: You know the marble bath, private pool, gated community guy. Derek: Don't peg me. I'm not peggable. Meredith (smiles): You're pegged. Deal with it. (All of sudden Charlotte's heart monitor starts beeping rapidly. The nurse comes rushing in and Meredith stands up quickly and Derek rushes over. George enters the room. The nurse opens up the incubator) Nurse: BP's low. She's tachycardic. Derek: Sats? Nurse: Dropping on high flow O2. (Meredith is checking Charlotte with a stethoscope while the nurse uses a manual respirator pump on Charlotte) Meredith: No breathing signs on the right side. Derek: Her lung has collapsed. George: Should I call the other Dr. Shepherd? Derek: No time. (to Meredith. He holds up a thin tube) Here stick this between her 2nd and 3rd rib. Do not go too deep. You're gonna hear a small gush of air. (Meredith takes the tube and does it. A small gush of air is released and the heart monitor stops beeping rapidly) Meredith: I heard it. (Derek sticks in his stethoscope from the other side to check Charlotte's breathing) Derek: Nice job. Meredith: Thank you. Derek: I'm not giving up the trailer. Meredith (smiles): Whatever you say, Dr. Shepherd. (George stands and just watches) (Dorie's patient room. Dorie is sitting on her bed with Tom standing near her. Meredith is there talking to them. Dorie has her back to Meredith) Tom: Her lung collapsed? Meredith: And I know it sounds scary but it's really not that uncommon in a preemie this size. So we've inserted a tube into Charlotte's chest and that will help her breathe until her lung can stay up on its own. (She looks at Dorie) Mrs. Russell? (Tom's phone rings and he checks it) She really is doing fine now. Tom: That's me, I gotta go. My mom can only handle the triplets for half a day. She's 74, so... Meredith: Mmm. Tom (to Dorie): I'll call you as soon as I get home, ok? (Dorie nods) I love you. (She smiles half heartedly as he kisses her forehead. Tom moves to leave the room but stops to talk to Meredith) Tom: Could you? Meredith: I'll keep an eye on her. Tom: Thank you. Meredith: Ok. (Tom leaves and Meredith walks over to stand in front of Dorie) Meredith: Dorie, this isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for this. Dorie: I've got one baby who can barely breathe and one with half a heart. Two of the others are ... (she sighs while Meredith looks at her sadly) If I'd have listened to the doctors I could've had 3 healthy girls instead of 4 who might not live until tomorrow. It was my decision. Tom agreed with the doctors. So really Dr. Grey, who else should I blame? (Meredith is silent unsure how to respond) (Dr. Burke and Izzie are in the scrub room adjacent to the OR getting prepped for Emily's heart surgery) Izzie: First step in the Norwood is the cardio pulmonary bypass. Burke: With HLHS what else do you get besides hyperplasia of the ventricle? Izzie: Stenosis or atresia of the mitral and aortic valves. Burke: Why are using the RV-PA conduit instead of the modified Blalock-Taussig shunt? Izzie: It limits diastolic run off. Burke: Well you've done your homework. Izzie: I was on call last night. I study when I'm on call. Burke (chuckles): Well, no matter the books say, I guarantee you; you've never seen a heart this small. (Izzie notices Alex standing outside in the hallway) Izzie (mutters to herself): Bet you I have. (Bailey is checking on Julie in the quints' room) Bailey: How you doing you? You know I'm having a baby too. (she puts on a baby voice) Yes I am. A little boy. Maybe you can meet him someday. How does that sound? Does that sound good? (Cristina is standing the room quietly. She lets out a little hem hem and Bailey turns around to see her. Bailey closes the incubator and clears her throat talking normally now) Bailey: Pregnancy has not made me soft. I haven't got soft. I don't do soft. Cristina: Of course not. You were just talking to a patient. (She walks up to Bailey with some x-ray films) Bailey: What's this? Cristina: The inmate's x-rays. (Bailey takes the film to hold up and look at) Bailey: Uh! That foolish, foolish, woman! She swallowed 4 razor blades! Cristina: Mm-hmm. (Constance is sitting agitated in her room by herself. She notices nurse standing outside) Constance: Hey! Hey you! Hey nurse! (The nurse walks in) Nurse: Would you keep it down please? Constance: I'm starving. Nurse: You're NPO. No food allowed. (Constance looks at the television program playing in her room) Constance : Come on April baby don't go for him. He's such an idiot. (the nurse stares at her and she turns her gaze back at her) I didn't come here to starve to death. I want mint chocolate chip ice-cream! Mint, okay? Not rocky road! You better not get me that rocky road! It sucks! (Bailey and Cristina enter the room) Constance: Oh thank god, mama bear help me out here ok? I'm starving. Bailey: Don't give her anything. (The nurse leaves) Constance: See right there you're in official violation of the 8th amendment. Cristina: Uh you can't eat anything because you're about to undergo major surgery. Constance: What? (to Bailey) What's she talking about? Bailey: You're at risk for a perforated intestine and half a dozen kinds of infection. We need to operate right away. Constance (scoffs): I don't need an operation. I taped up the blade like I always do. It passes the next day. What's the big deal? Cristina: You swallowed 4 blades this time. That's the big deal. Constance (shrugs): I Thought it'd buy me an extra day. Does this operation have a nice long recovery time? (Bailey shakes her head less than impressed) Cristina: You realize this is major surgery? It's dangerous and you could die. (Constance is silent and just stares at her) Constance: Mint chocolate chip. I want at least a gallon once you ghouls are done splitting me open. (Bailey and Cristina leave) [SCENE_BREAK] (Dorie and Meredith are outside the quints' room. A nurse and doctor are in there already. Meredith is helping put a gown on Dorie) Dorie: What exactly is it that we're doing? Meredith: We're visiting. We throw all this medical talk at you and outlined all these worse case scenarios which has probably scared you half to death. One thing we haven't done is actually given you a chance to be with your daughters. (She wheels Dorie into the room. The two people in the room leave) Dorie: How's that gonna help? If I've learned anything in these last few days is that I need to face reality. (Meredith wheels her next to an incubator) Meredith: Here's Kate. You can reach in and touch her if you like. Dorie: I would like to very much. (Dorie reaches in tentatively and strokes Kate's fingers. All of a sudden a heart monitor starts beeping rapidly. The nurse from earlier enters) Nurse: Dr. Grey, Charlotte's not breathing! (Meredith and the nurse rush over to Charlotte's incubator. The nurse opens the incubator and Meredith gets out her stethoscope to check Charlotte) Meredith: Page Addison Shepherd. She's in the OR (Dorie watches anxiously from her wheelchair) (Addison, Burke & Izzie are operating on Emily in the OR. Various other doctor's and scrub nurse's are there) Addison: We didn't see this on the echo. Burke: You can never get an exact measurement. Izzie: What? Burke (sighs): The baby's aorta is narrower than we thought. The diameter is only a millimeter. Just not getting enough blood flow. Addison: Damn. Burke (to Addison): I wanted you to see this before I started closing up. (Addison nods) Izzie: You're closing up? You didn't do anything. Addison: Dr. Stevens. Izzie: No! We barely started! Addison: Dr. Burke has done as much as he can do for now. So unless you know how to do a 1st stage Norwood, he's gonna close this baby's chest. (Addison's pager goes off. She looks at and leaves) (Izzie sighs shaking her head) Burke: You ok? Izzie: I'm fine. May I go? Burke: Yes. (Izzie moves away from the surgery) (Addison enters the quints' room hurriedly) Addison: What happened? Meredith: She had an apneic episode. She's still not breathing on her own. (Dorie looks startled at this.) Addison: Let's intubate and give her surfactant. Push 0.1 atropine and 3mg of ketamine. (They all start moving quickly to intubate Charlotte) Nurse: Meds are in. Addison : Tube. (They continue fixing the intubation) Okay, place the CO2 detector. Meredith: She was doing fine with the chest tube. Addison: That's the thing with RDS cases. (She gets her stethoscope to check the baby) We think the baby's getting better. They slip right back. Breath sounds equal. Good. (Meredith looks up suddenly) Meredith: Mrs. Russell. (She looks over to the spot where Mrs. Russell was before but there's only an empty wheelchair there) (In an OR Bailey and Cristina are operating on Constance. Bailey pulls out a razor blade. Bailey sighs) Cristina: Unbelievable. Who would do this to themselves? Bailey: The woman wasn't just in prison Yang. (She puts the blade in a dish held out by a scrub nurse) She was in solitary. Cristina: Well, she's seriously deranged. Bailey: You try spending a month, locked in a room with no windows, no one to talk to, 23 hours a day. (She pulls out another blade and discards it) See how deranged she is then. Cristina: Dr. Bailey, she's a murderer. Bailey: I didn't say she wasn't. (She pulls out another blade and counts them) 1, 2, 3. I said try to having no one to make your snarky comments to for a solid month. My guess is (she pulls out another blade) you'd swallow the entire razor. (George is entering Mr. Murphy's room) George: How are they treating you Mr. Murphy? Karl: Oh, I've done worse for company. George (checks the leech on Mr. Murphy's finger): Oh they're definitely filling up. Tissue is getting nice and pink. Karl: Did you make up with that cute little girlfriend of yours yet? George: Olivia is hardly my girlfriend. (He moves to check the leech on Mr. Murphy's ear but it falls off. He picks it up) Karl (looks at the giant leech in George's hand): Is she ok? George: She? Karl (he nods at the leech): Isabella. (George looks down dumbfounded) This one here on my finger, that's Darcy. And that little guy on my nose, named O'Malley. (He chuckles. George half smiles still a little creeped out) That's right. I named him after you. You're the one that got him to bite. George: Isabella's fine. She's just full. Karl: Oh. (George moves to dispose Isabella) Wait. What are you going to do with her? George: She's done her job. We don't really have any more use for her except as medical waste. Karl: No. I'd like to keep her. If I could. (George just stands there and stares at him) (George is rummaging through the Medical supply stands of the hospital in a hallway) George (to himself): Crazy nature man. You want to take a leech home as a pet. That's fine with me. (Olivia walks up to him) Olivia: You had no right to speak to me that way in front of a patient. George: Yeah, well you hurt my friend. Olivia: I had no idea Alex was seeing Izzie. That's not what you're upset about. George: You have no idea why I'm upset. Besides you know what I don't understand is why Alex? (he turns to face her) And why again? Olivia (nods and shrugs): People get lonely, George. (Meredith is on the phone at the nurse's station outside Dorie's room. She is watching Dorie from there) Meredith: Hi, Mr. Russell. It's Meredith Grey calling. I was wondering if there was any chance maybe you could bring your boys by to visit there mom. I think she could use the company. (Dorie looks despondent) Oh the flu. No definitely don't bring them. Thank you. You too. (Alex is sitting taking notes and looking through text books sitting in front of his quint, Kate in the quints' room. No one else is in there. Meredith walks in and then walks up to him) Meredith: You've been lying low. Alex: Well nobody's talking to me so it makes it kind of easy, right? Meredith (pulls up a chair and sits next to him): I'm talking to you. In short mono-syllabic sentences laced with disdain and contempt. Alex: So what according to girl rules, now you all have to hate me? Meredith: I don't hate you. If my mother hadn't gotten Alzheimer's I'd probably be you. Alex: Well, really? Meredith: Really. Before she got sick, I mean, I'd finished college but I was partying way too much and staying out way too late to keep a job. I was the one at family reunions everybody was embarrassed to talk about. Alex: So that's what you think of me? Meredith: Are you ok? Alex: I almost killed a guy yesterday. Meredith: Mr. Martin? Alex: So I'm just trying to find anything I can to help him. (Meredith grabs a textbook from him) Meredith: Ok, well what are we looking for? Alex: Ah anything on central pontine myelinolysis. (They start looking through the books. Just then Izzie walks in straight past them to check on her quint. They look up at her. She turns around slowly and gives Meredith a look as if to say how could you do this) Izzie (shakes her head): Unbelievable. (Izzie leaves the room) Meredith: Izzie. (Alex half chuckles at the situation of it all. Meredith sighs and gives Alex the book back. Alex sighs as well looking low. Meredith gets up to chase Izzie) Meredith: Izzie, come on. (Meredith is following Izzie down the hallway adjacent to the quints room) Izzie (angry): Come on, Come on? You're fraternizing with the enemy and you tell me to come on? Meredith: Alex and I are sort of friends. (Izzie stops walking and faces her) Izzie (angry): Since when? Since when are you and Alex friends? You tell me to cut my losses. That I'm better off without him and as soon as I turn my back ... (She turns around and starts walking again with Meredith following) Meredith: Izzie, you're making way too big a deal out of it. (She stops again and turns to face Meredith) Izzie (angry): Right of course, because I'm the unreasonable one. You know what Meredith do whatever you want. Sleep with the guy for all I care. (She turns around again, walking off) Meredith: Well obviously I'm not going to sleep with him Izzie. Izzie (angry): Why not you slept with everyone else? (Meredith stops walking after her instantly and gets a look on her face and turns around and heads back down the way she came) (Cristina is talking to Constance after the surgery) Cristina: Your surgery went smoothly. You'll have some abdominal pain for a day or two. Constance: Just a day or two? Cristina: We'll watch you until your bowels start moving again. The average is about 36 hours. Constance: 36? 4 razor blades and that's all you can give me? Come on sugar plum I thought we were having fun. (Cristina makes to leave the room at this) Constance: Don't' leave. (Cristina turns around) Cristina: What? Constance: Just maybe a little conversation? They got me here in all by myself. I thought I'd have a roommate. Somebody to talk to. Cristina: Ok. (She walks up to Constance's bed side) Why'd you kill 3 people? Constance (sarcastic): Start off with a little small talk why don't you? (Cristina makes to leave. Constance speaks quietly) I was high. On meth. ... And I had this boyfriend who had this robbery all planned out. He said that he would leave me if I didn't help him. Things got out of control. (She sighs) He was gonna leave me. (She nods) He was all I had. I would've been all alone. Cristina: Clearly being alone has its benefits. (Cristina shakes her head slightly and leaves. Constance just rests her head against the pillow sad) (George is smiling entering Mr. Murphy's room, he stops when he sees Olivia standing there. There are few giant leeches in little jars at the bed table with name tags on them. George walks up to the opposite side of the bed, facing Olivia. Mr. Murphy watches with interest) George: You paged me? Olivia: Another leech fell off and I can't get the new one to bite. I'm sorry they just really freak me out. George: I'm a surgeon Olivia. Olivia: You're an intern George. (George grabs the container with the leeches roughly and starts getting out one) Karl: You know what time it is? ... Time for you two kids to kiss and make up. That's what time it is. George: Mr. Murphy, we are not a couple. Karl: Oh you can't pull much over on me. And I say there's something between you two. Olivia: You're right Mr. Murphy. There was. George (looks up shocked): Olivia. This isn't the time and this really isn't the place. Olivia: He broke up with me for this girl who doesn't even know he's alive. George: She does so know I'm alive. Olivia: Listen to me George. You, Meredith Grey, never gonna happen. George (dazed): Wh, why, why, why would you even think it's Meredith? Olivia: Anyone who's playing the slightest bit of attention knows how you feel about Meredith! Except Meredith! Which should tell you something shouldn't it! (She puts down the patient file she was holding) Sorry Mr. Murphy. (She leaves the room quickly. George looks back at Mr. Murphy) George: She gave me syphilis. (Addison is sitting in chair in Richard's office facing Richard who's sitting at his desk) Addison: Remember what you did to me? When I was an intern? Richard: How could I forget? You didn't speak to me for almost a year. (Addison is silent looking away) But you learned. Addison: Yeah well I think I gotta do that to Izzie Stevens. Richard (half nods): Well she's smart, hard working. (he gives Addison a look) Gets a little too involved with her patients. A lot like you. Addison (stands up): I know. It took me a long time to recover from that Richard. Richard: But it made you a better surgeon Addison. (Addison nods) The question is, is she talented enough a surgeon to make the lesson worth it? Addison: She's the best I've seen in years. I was hoping that we could ... Richard (interrupts): You're not here to make friends Addison. You're here to make better surgeons. ( Addison nods looking down) Being a teacher can be a lonely business. (She nods again and walks out) (Izzie, George and Cristina are sitting at a table in the outdoor section of the cafeteria eating dinner) Izzie: I'm telling you Meredith was all over him! Cristina: Seriously? She was all over him? (She looks at George) What like a, mounting him? With all the babies watching? Seriously? (Izzie rolls her eyes) Izzie: Well she would've been if I hadn't interrupted. George: She was talking to him. Izzie: You don't talk to bastards that cheat on their girlfriends George! That's the rule! George: You weren't officially his girlfriend. Izzie: That's not the point. George: It is kinda the point. You don't see me getting all emotion over people I'm not dating. Izzie (raises her eyebrows and gives George a look): Really? You wanna go there? (There's a short silence) George (realization dawning): No. Izzie: I'm having a moment here! Don't mess with me! Cristina: You're not gonna have a nervous breakdown and kill yourself are you? Izzie: No. Cristina: So there's no chance you'll kill us? (She gestures to herself and George) (Izzie gets up and walks off in a huff) George: Oh that was wrong on so many levels. Cristina (chuckles): So good. George (smiles): Yeah, that was ... that was good. (Cristina starts laughing) Cristina: It was good. It was good. (Meredith is standing in the quints' room over Charlotte's incubator looking at an x-ray film) Meredith: Your lungs are not good. (she puts down the film) I know we got you out of there a little earlier than you would've wanted. We have to find something to help you. So if you have any ideas Charlotte... (She looks up and sees outside in the hallway Addison giving Dorie some news. Dorie breaks down crying holding her head in her hands) (Izzie is filling in a patient's chart at a nurse's station. Addison walks up to her dressed to go home) Addison: Dr. Stevens. Izzie: Ah Dr. Shepherd, is there something you need? Addison: Yes, Dr. Burke and I have reassessed. We think that there's a chance with the Norwood if Emily can make it through the next 10 hours. Would you look after her for the night? Izzie: I was on call last night. (Addison just looks at her) But I mean yeah, of course. Addison: Good, good. I've left a list of meds and ah you're familiar with pediatric life support? Izzie: Got myself certified as soon as I got in the program. Addison: Ok then. (She moves to walk off) Izzie: Is there anything else I should know to look out for her? Addison: No that should do it. Izzie: Uh should I notify Mrs. Russell about the... Addison (interrupts): No! I've done that. Dr. Stevens this baby is your responsibility. She better be alive when I get back in the morning. Izzie: Ok. (Addison walks away looking a bit unsure about the thing she is doing) (Derek is dressed to go home at the front entrance of the hospital walking to the entrance doors. Alex comes running after him with pages of notes) Alex: Dr. Shepherd I found these studies of the use aggressive plasmapheresis. I think these could work on Mr. Martin. Derek: Those are all isolated cases. Alex (sighs): Well, still the studies have resulted in approved clinical symptoms. Derek: No, no. No trial studies have been done. There's nothing you can do. Alex: Okay what about thyrotropin? Derek: No. No. Alex: European studies ... Derek (interrupts): Karev it's over! It's done. You screwed up. Mr. Martin's fried. You fried his brain. He wakes up; you put him in a wheelchair. He dies, you killed him. ... Deal with it. (He walks out of the hospital) (Izzie is in the quints room injecting a drug into Emily's IV. A nurse comes in with Emily's chart) Nurse: Dr. Stevens, baby's VO2 is still 40% after transfusion. Izzie (nods): How's her BP doing? Nurse: Still low. Last systolic was 52. Izzie: Okay I'm gonna push 30ccs of NS manually. (She injects the NS and the baby's BP starts rising on the heart monitor) Nurse: Nice start. Pressure's 65. (Izzie sighs and sits down in front of the incubator. The nurse leaves. Meredith walks in and stands in front of the incubator next to Izzie. She turns to talk to her) Meredith: Hey Iz. Izzie: Ok, really? You think I'm talking to you? Meredith: Well I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Izzie: What are you sorry for? (Meredith is silent and Izzie shakes her head) Izzie: When Derek broke up with you I never once said you're better off without him. It's not supportive, it's condescending. I was there. All I ever am is there for you guys and the one time I need you ... Just go away Meredith. (Meredith walks out) (Constance's room where Constance is choking. A nurse is already there. Cristina runs in) Nurse: She was fine. She just started seizing. (Cristina grabs a hold of Constance and looks down her throat) Cristina: She isn't seizing, she's choking. (She gets out a paddle stick and sticks it in Constance mouth to hold down her tongue and see what she's taken. She manages to pull out a piece of bloody glass. She looks down and around and sees a smashed lamp) Cristina: My god, she swallowed a light bulb. (Constance starts choking even worse. Cristina and the nurse try to stick a tube down her throat) (Constance is wearing a oxygen mask and her heart monitor is beeping rapidly. She is still choking) Nurse: We're losing her. Cristina: I can see that. Don't you think I can see that? (Cristina is checking her breathing with a stethoscope) Cristina: She needs an airway. (They pull down her bed and a nurse hands Cristina a silver instrument) Cristina: Ah she's clamped down. I can't intubate. (She calls out to the hall) We need some help in here! Nurse: You want me to get paralytics to relax the muscles? Cristina: Ah, no she'd be dead by then. (She grabs a manual respirator pump) Cristina: I need a scalpel for a crich. Nurse: You done one? Cristina: Of course not! Go! (The nurse leaves. Burke walks in and checks Constance with his stethoscope) Cristina: I was gonna do a crich. Burke: How long has she been unconscious? Cristina: She just went down. Burke (to another nurse): Prep O.R 2 for an emergency throacotomy. Nurse Right away. Burke: Cristina, she'll be okay. Come on, Come on, come on. (He gestures for them to follow and he leaves) (A nurse runs into the quints' room with Izzie still there sitting in a rocking chair) Nurse: She's coding. Izzie: Again. Ok uh, uh turn up the epi drip. (The nurse turns up the epi drip and Emily's BP rises again) Izzie: Ok. Ok. Ok. (She sits down at Emily's incubator and strokes her) (Meredith is entering Dorie's room. Dorie looks like she's packing) Meredith: Hey, Dorie. What are you doing? Dorie: I'm packing. Meredith: Dorie, you've just had major abdominal surgery. You're not in any shape ... Dorie (interrupts): I'm going home Dr. Grey. I need to go home. I can't be here. I can't watch them die. Meredith: They're not dying. They're trying to live. And you leaving them isn't going to help them. Dorie: I have 3 boys who need me. Meredith: Your daughters need you. Dorie: Don't you understand that I can't do it? I can't do it! They're too sick. They're too hurt. Meredith: Which is why they need their mother. Dorie: If Emily dies ... Meredith (interrupts): If Emily dies it will be horrible. But if Emily dies and you're not here ... Dorie: I can't even hold them. Meredith: But you can sit with them and talk to them and let them know they're not alone in this world. That's all they need. That's all that anybody ... (she trails off, a look of dawning comes across her face) Dorie: What? Meredith: I think I know how to help Charlotte. (She leaves the room with Dorie looking after her) (Meredith is in the quints' room disconnecting Kate from her incubator. Dorie is standing behind her in a pink gown looking over her shoulder. Izzie is also in there at Emily's incubator watching) Meredith: I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. Dorie: What are you doing? Meredith: It's called co-bedding. Hospitals sometimes do it with twins when one of them is sick. Dorie: And the other one gets better? Meredith: It helps. Dorie: How? Meredith (she removes Kate from the incubator): We don't really know. Sometimes babies get stressed in the ICUs from all the activity. (She moves Kate into Charlotte's incubator where Dorie is standing) Meredith: This way there's someone there to comfort them. To be there with them. (She re-connects Kate's tubes while Dorie looks over her two babies) (Karl's room. There are jars of several big leeches swimming around. None are on Mr. Murphy any more. George is there checking on him) George: That's excellent blood flow in all three places. You're healing very nicely. Karl: And I like my new nose. (George picks up the patient chart and starts writing in it) George (notices the wedding ring): Well I'm sure your wife will like it too. Not too sure about what she'll say about your new houseguests. Karl: Oh I'm gonna let these guys go in the lake on my favorite hiking trail. Saved my face, least I can do for 'em. And I don't have a wife. George: Oh, I'm sorry I thought your wedding ring. Karl: No, I'm divorced. Just never took it off. George: By the way, ah sorry you had to see that little scene earlier. Karl: Oh you mean talking with the girl who isn't your girlfriend about the girl who'd you like to be your girlfriend. George: Yeah. Did she, she shouldn't have said that stuff. Did she, she, is just very unprofessional. Karl: Yeah. (he puts a hand on George's shoulder. George immediately stops writing) But is it true? (George just looks at him) Do you like this Meredith person? George (discomfited): I don't think that's really any of your business. (Mr. Murphy gives him a look) She's ok. I like her ok. (Mr. Murphy just sits there) All right I love her. Karl (chuckles): Oh come on don't be embarrassed. I loved my wife. But sometimes no matter how much you love someone they just can't love you back in the same way. (He now places his hand over George's hand) Karl: Believe me son. Living with a woman who can't love you back, way lonelier than being alone. (Izzie is in the quints' room with the nurse. Emily is coding again) Nurse: What do you wanna do? Izzie: We can, we can put her on ECMO. Nurse: Baby this size, you're risking intercranial hemorrhage. Izzie: Uh, it she's already coded 3 times. You paged Dr. Shepherd? Nurse: She called to say you have to handle this for yourself. Izzie (frustrated): What? I, it's, I'm an intern! Nurse: Dr. Stevens. Izzie: Just give me a second. Nurse: You don't have a second. Izzie: Okay, um ECMO is too dangerous; we just have to keep her going on epi. Nurse: Too much epi and you'll stop her circulation. There's no point in keeping her heart rate if she doesn't have functioning arms or legs in the morning. Izzie (angry): Yeah, I know that! (She pauses more calm) I'm sorry. It's just, we just going to have keep pushing epi. It's our best option. We'll just have to fina middle ground. (Izzie takes over for the nurse with the manual respirator) Izzie (to Emily): You can do this. (Sunrise) (SGH Hallway) (Meredith is standing on the mezzanine balcony hallway looking through the large window/wall at the sunrise. Derek walks up and stands next to her) Meredith: I can't believe you would consider moving out of your trailer. The view alone. (Derek nods) Derek: See the mist rise off the lake. Meredith: Yeah. Derek: Yeah. (silence) I'm not moving. (Meredith nods) Meredith: You're still you? Derek: I'm still me. Meredith: Good. (George is watching them from a distance in the outdoor caf ) (Izzie is fast asleep in front of Emily's incubator, except Emily is no longer there. The nurse from last night is checking on the other babies. Izzie wakes up) Izzie: Where's Emily? Nurse: They took her away. Izzie: Where? Why didn't you wake me? Nurse: Dr. Shepherd told us not to. Izzie: What? (she huffs) Where's the baby? Nurse: Dr. Stevens, she died half an hour ago. (Izzie looks horrified) (Seattle Scenes) (SGH) (Izzie is standing watching Dorie holding one of her quints in her own room. Addison is there and sees Izzie. She walks out and pulls Izzie to follow her down the hall away from the room. They stop walking and Addison turns to face her. Izzie looks distraught) Addison: It wasn't your fault. Izzie: You put me in charge. I fell asleep. I killed that baby. Addison: No, you didn't. She was going to die anyway. She had a restricted atrial septum and virtually no aorta. As soon as Dr. Burke opened up her chest we knew she didn't have a chance. Izzie (shakes her head, upset): I don't get it. You order me to stay the night to take care of her. I worked my ass off doing CPR, pumping her full of every drug on the planet and, and ... I mean god do you have any idea how scared I was? It was all for nothing!?! Addison: Hardly. If the situation ever comes up again I know you'll be able to handle the pressure. Izzie (angry): You lied to me! Addison: You have to learn distances, Stevens. You'll be a better doctor for it. Izzie (disbelievingly): A better, a better doctor? (She shakes her head angrily at Addison and walks away. Addison looks unhappy after her and sighs) (Bailey is entering the quints' room. Meredith is in there already looking over Charlotte and Kate's incubator. There are various other nurses in there as well. Bailey walks up to Meredith) Bailey: Heard you worked a miracle last night. Meredith: She came around so fast I thought the equipment was malfunctioning. Her sats are completely stable. Bailey: She's gonna make it. (she looks at the two quints) Go home Grey. You've earned it. And Grey, way to go. (She leaves) Meredith (to the two quints): Did you hear that? Way to go. (Izzie is sitting despondently in the staff locker room dressed to go home. Her hair is all wet from a shower. George walks in with Cristina and Meredith close behind. Meredith is the only other dressed to go home. Cristina and George sit on either side of Izzie. Meredith stands in front of her.) Izzie: My baby died. George: We know. Izzie: She just ... died. (They're all silent) Meredith: I have an idea. (Izzie looks up at her and Meredith holds out her hand. Izzie takes it and they walk out) (Alex is sitting in a chair watching over Mr. Martin who's still unconscious. Derek walks by and sees Alex there. He looks at him thoughtful) Derek: First person I killed, I was a second year resident. James Hanson. You should go home Alex, there's nothing you can do here. Alex: Nobody should die alone. (Derek nods and leaves) MVO: 400 years ago another well known English guy had an opinion about being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. (Cristina is standing in Constance's patient room at her bedside. Constance is hooked up to a lot more monitors. The 2 cops are standing inside at the door way) MVO: Of course it was fancier when he said it. Cristina: Don't, don't try and talk. Your windpipe was perforated. Dr. Burke repaired it and you should be fine. ( Constance reaches out to take Cristina's hand but Cristina backs away) Uh we'll keep you here at least 10 days for observation. Make sure there's no infection. (She moves to walk off but then turns back quickly) Maybe just to be on the safe side we'll make it 2 weeks. (Constance smiles thankfully at Cristina. Cristina smiles and leaves the room) MVO: No man is an island entire unto himself. (Meredith and Izzie are walking past a long fence in kinda of an industrial place. They stop suddenly and bend close to the fence) Meredith: Oh. That's him. Izzie (smiling): Yeah that's him. (Derek is sitting in an empty gallery overlooking an empty OR. He's writing notes in a patient chart. Addison walks in and sits next to him) Addison: I'm lonely, Derek. (He puts the chart away and they look at each other) MVO: Boil down that island talk and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in. (In Burke's apartment, Dr. Burke is sitting eating breakfast. Cristina walks in and stands in front of him for a few seconds before deciding to sit down as well. She takes a slice of his toast and takes a bite of it. He looks at her and then smiles down into his plate) MVO: And let us know we're not alone. (Izzie and Meredith are in the townhouse living room holding up a blue soft toy playing keepings off with a dog. They're laughing and having a blast) Izzie: Get it. Good boy! Good boy Doc! Meredith: Ok! MVO: And who's to say that someone can't have 4 legs. Someone to play with or run around with. (George walks in to the nearby hallway dumbfounded by the presence of the dog. Izzie throws the blue bear into his hands. The dog runs barking at George who runs off. Izzie and Meredith laugh) (Kate & Charlotte are lying asleep in their incubator) MVO: Or just hang out.

Cristina has little sympathy for Constance Ferguson, a prison inmate who jeopardizes her health just to get out of solitary confinement. The interns all keep careful watch on the family of premature quintuplets with a variety of serious health challenges. Derek and Addison argue over their living arrangements. George treats a man by using leeches , whilst Alex continues to treat the patient he accidentally put into a coma. Addison decides to teach Izzie a very painful lesson which she too once received from the chief, wanting Izzie to know the consequences of being too attached to her patients. Izzie argues with Meredith after seeing her help Alex, and to mend their friendship they buy a dog together.

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fd_Arrow_01x01_0

A man breathes heavily whilst running through the forest. He climbs a cliff wall and sees a fishing boat in the distance. He continues to run and jumps down to the ground below. He reaches what seems to be his campsite; he sets his bow and arrow and fires a flaming arrow into a pile of sticks creating an explosion and alerting the native fisherman to the island. Native Fishermen: [speaking mandarin] Man (V.O.): The name of the island they found me on is Lian Yu. It's mandarin for "purgatory". I've been stranded here for 5 years. I've dreamt of my rescue every cold black night since then. For 5 years, I have had only one thought, one goal... survive... (man removes his hood and shows his face) survive and one day return home. [Fishing Boat] (one of the fishermen hands the man water to drink) The island held many dangers. To live, I had to make myself more than what I was, to forge myself into a weapon. I am returning not the boy who was shipwrecked but the man who will bring justice to those who have poisoned my city. My name is Oliver Queen. [Starling City] Television Anchorman: Oliver Queen is alive. The Starling City resident was found by fishermen in the North China sea 5 days ago, 5 years after he was missing and presumed dead following the accident at sea which claimed "The Queen's Gambit." Queen was a regular tabloid presence and a fixture at the Starling City club scene. Shortly before his disappearance, he was acquitted of assault charges stemming from a highly publicized drunken altercation with paparazzi. Queen is the son of Starling City billionaire Robert Queen, who was also on board but now officially confirmed as deceased. [Starling City Hospital] - Oliver Queen (now shaven) looks out the hospital room window emotionless whilst the Doctor talks outside the room. Doctor: 20% of his body is covered in scar tissue. Second-degree burns on his back and arms. X-rays show at least 12 fractures that never properly healed. (Camera pans to show a woman observing Oliver outside the room) Woman: Has he said anything about what happened? Doctor: No. He's barely said anything. (The woman looks back to Oliver) Moira, I'd like you to prepare yourself. The Oliver you lost...might not be the one they found. (The woman opens door and goes inside) Moira Queen: Oliver. (Oliver turns around) Oliver: Mom. (They walk towards each other) Moira: Oh... (on the precipice of tears) my beautiful boy. (They hug) [Queen Mansion] - A black sedan pulls up to the house. The trunk opens and the driver reaches for the wooden suitcase but Oliver stops him Oliver: I've got it. (Moira and Oliver enter the house) Moira: Your room is exactly as you left it. I never had the heart to change a thing. Man: Oliver. It's damn good to see you. (Oliver looks at him) It's Walter... (they shake hands) Walter Steele. Moira: You remember Walter, your father's friend from the company. (Oliver walks past her to the maid) Oliver: It's good to see you, Raisa. Raisa: Welcome home, Mr. Oliver. Mr. Merlyn phoned. He wants to join you for dinner. Moira: Wonderful. (A door opens and closes) Oliver? (Oliver walks toward the staircase) Did you hear that? Oliver: Hey, sis. Thea Queen: I knew it. I knew you were alive. (She hugs him) I missed you so much. Oliver: You were with me the whole time. [CNRI Office] - Two women have a conversation whilst one checks the mail. Johanna De La Vega: Come on, Laurel. We're lawyers, not miracle workers. We can't win this. Laurel Lance: If we can't win a class-action suit against a man who swindled hundreds of people out of their homes and life savings, then we're not fit to call ourselves a legal aid office. Woman: And if we go bankrupt in the process, we won't be a legal aid office. Hunt has an army of lawyers, and they're ready to bury us. Laurel: You and I against an army. I love those odds. Johanna: Why do you hate me? Laurel: [She scoffs] (She sits down and stares at a board with pinned newspaper clippings and photos of ADAM HUNT. The TV is heard in the distance) Television Anchorman : And in other news, details as to the castaway story you've all heard about...the son of a very wealthy billionaire will soon become a legendary story. Jessica now has more details and the complete castaway story. (Laurel turns her attention from the board to the TV) Jessica: "The Queen's Gambit" was last heard from more than 5 years ago. Mr. Queen has reportedly confirmed he was the only survivor of the accident that took the lives of 7 people, including local resident Sarah Lance. Survived by her sister, Laurel... (Laurel walks to the TV turns it off and everyone looks at her; she drops the remote on the table and proceeds to walk away) [Queen Mansion - Oliver's Bedroom] Oliver (V.O.): After 5 years, everything that was once familiar is now unrecognizable. The face I see in the mirror is a stranger. (Oliver looks at himself and at his scars. His Arrow persona flashes on screen as thunder strikes) [Flashback] Queen's Gambit - 5 Years Ago. Robert Queen stares at the ship radar whilst a man emerges from outside soaking wet. Crew Member: The storm's a category 2. The captain's recommending we head back. Robert Queen: All right. Inform the crew. Oliver: Are we in trouble? Robert: One of us is. (Sarah Lance approaches from one of the cabins) Sarah: Ollie? Where do you keep the bottle opener on this thing? Oliver: I'll be there in a minute, Sarah. Robert: [Sighs] You know, son, that is not going to finish well for either of them or for you. [Present Day] - Oliver is fully-dressed and staring at a photo of him and his father. [Front door opens] Tommy Merlyn: What did I tell you? Yachts suck. [Chuckles] Oliver: Tommy Merlyn. [They hug] Tommy: I missed you, buddy. [Dinning Room] (Everyone is seated in the dining room for dinner) Tommy: Ok. What else did you miss? Super bowl winners... Giants, Steelers, Saints, Packers, Giants again. A black president, that's new. Oh, and "Lost," they were all dead...I think. Thea: What was it like there? (The table goes quiet and tension fills the room) Oliver: Cold. Tommy: Tomorrow, you and me, we're doing the city. You've got a lot to catch up on. Moira: That sounds like a great idea. Oliver: Good. Then I was hoping to swing by the office. Walter: (About to take a sip from his wine stops) Well, there's plenty of time for all that. Queen Consolidated isn't going anywhere. Raisa comes to set a bowl of pears on the table. She trips but Oliver catches her and restores her balance. Raisa: Oh, I am so sorry, Mr. Oliver. Oliver: [Speaks Russian] It's no worry. (Tommy looks at him) (Raisa is equally stunned) Tommy: Dude, you speak Russian? Walter: I didn't realize you took Russian at college, Oliver. Oliver: I didn't realize you wanted to sleep with my mother, Walter. (Silence fills the room and the tension returns. Moira looks at Oliver then at Thea) Thea: I didn't say anything. Oliver: She didn't have to. (Moira nods in acknowledgement) Moira: Oliver...Walter and I are married, and I don't want you to think that either one of us did anything to disrespect your father. Walter: We both believed that Robert, like you, was, uh, well, gone. Oliver: (Visibly pained) It's fine. (Oliver gets up) May I be excused? (Moira nods) Tommy: Hey, don't forget about tomorrow, buddy. (Oliver leaves) [Oliver's Bedroom] - It's raining heavily, the window is open and Oliver is seen lying on his bedroom floor asleep by the window soaking wet. [Flashback] Queen's Gambit - 5 Years Ago Sarah: 1, 2, 3. It's getting closer. Oliver: That's not very scientific. Sarah: What would you know about science, Mr. Ivy League dropout? Oliver: I happen to know a lot about science. I know about fermentation. I know biology. (He kisses her) Sarah: Laurel's gonna kill me. Oh, she's so gonna kill me. Oliver: Your sister will never know. Come here. (throws her on the bed) Sarah: Ha Ha ha! [Thunder] Ok, that one was really close. Oliver: Sarah, we're gonna be fine. (He kisses her) (The champagne glasses tilt and suddenly the cabin flips and they're thrown to opposite sides of the room. [Sarah screams] Oliver regains his balance and looks up to find Sarah only to see her ripped away by the ocean.) Oliver: Sarah? (The water takes her away and she screams) Sarah! (Oliver now in the ocean himself screams for Sarah) Oliver: Sarah! Crew Member: Oliver! Oliver: Sarah! Crew Member: Oliver! (Oliver looks over and swims to the crew member on the lifeboat) Oliver: Gus. (He climbs aboard the lifeboat) [Coughs] No! No! (turns around to go back-Robert stops him) No! Dad, she's out there! Robert: She's not there. Oliver: Sarah! (he watches the yacht sink) Robert: She's gone. [Present Day] - Moira wakes Oliver. He wakes up in attack mode, flips her and puts his hand to her throat. Moira: Oliver? Wake up. Oliver? Walter: Oliver! (Oliver looks at Walter then down at Moira, he releases her quickly and moves back to the window horrified) Oliver: I'm sorry. I'm so... I'm so sorry. (Walter helps Moira up) Moira: Oh, it's ok, Oliver. It's all right, sweetheart. You're home. You're home. [Thea's Bedroom] - A girl crushes pills into powder on Thea's desk presumably to take them before they are interrupted by Oliver. Thea: Where did you get these? Girl: Roxies. Thank you, daddy's ACL tear. [Knock on the door][Both girls hide the pills and the powder] Thea: Ollie. Oliver: No one's called me that in a while, Speedy. Thea: Worst nickname ever. Oliver: What, always chasing after me as a kid? I thought it fit pretty well. Maybe it still does. Girl: See you at school, Speedy. (she leaves) Thea: Sorry about her. Oliver: I have something for you. Thea: You did not come back from a deserted island with a souvenir. Oliver: It's a Hozen and in Buddhism, it symbolizes reconnecting. I kept it in hopes that one day, it would reconnect me with you. Tommy: A rock! That is sweet. You know, I want one of those t-shirts that says "My friend was a castaway, and all I got was this crappy shirt." [Chuckles] Thea: Don't let him get you into too much trouble. You just got back. Take it slow. [Oliver kisses her on the check and they hug] Tommy: Ahem. The city awaits. [In the hallway] Have you noticed how hot your sister's gotten? [Oliver gives him a stern look] Because I have not. [Inside Tommy's Mercedes SLR] Tommy: Your funeral blew. Oliver: Did you get lucky? Tommy: Fish in a barrel. They were so sad... Oliver: No. Tommy: And huggy. Tommy: And I am counting on another target rich environment for your welcome home bash. Oliver: At my what? Tommy: You came back from the dead. This calls for a party. You tell me where and when. I'll take care of everything. And this city's gone to crap. Your dad sold his factory just in time. And why'd you want to drive through this neighborhood anyway? [Oliver looks at his father's old factory] Oliver: No reason. Tommy: So what'd you miss the most, steaks at the palm, drinks at the station, meaningless s*x? Oliver: Laurel. Tommy: Everyone is happy you're alive. You want to see the one person who isn't? [CNRI Office] Johanna: Laurel, I just got this from Hunt's lawyers. They filed a change of venue. We are now in front of Judge Grell. Laurel: Hunt funded Grell's re-election campaign. Johanna: Mm-hmm. Laurel: He's got Grell in his back-pocket. Johanna: You know, it's fun being your friend. I get to say "I told you so" a lot. Laurel: No. Adam Hunt is not smarter than we are. Johanna: No, he's just richer and willing to commit multiple felonies. Laurel: We don't need to go outside the law... Johanna: "to find justice." Your dad's favorite jingle. Oliver: Hello, Laurel. [Outside CNRI Office] Oliver: You went to law school. You said you would. Laurel: Yeah. Everyone's proud. Oliver: Adam Hunt's a heavy hitter. You sure you want to get in the ring with him? Laurel: Five years and you want to talk about Adam Hunt? Oliver: No. Not really. Laurel: Why are you here, Ollie? Oliver: To apologize. It was my fault. I wanted to ask you not to blame her. Laurel: For what? Falling under your spell. How could I possibly blame her for doing the same things that I did? Oliver: I never meant to... Laurel: She was my sister. I couldn't be angry because she was dead. I couldn't grieve because I was so angry. That's what happens when your sister dies while screwing your boyfriend. We buried an empty coffin...because her body was at the bottom of the ocean where you left her. It should have been you. Oliver: I know that it's too late to say this, but I'm sorry. Laurel: Yeah, I'm sorry, too. I'd hoped that you'd rot in hell a whole lot longer than 5 years. How did you think that was gonna go, Tommy? Tommy: About like that. [Alleyway. Tommy and Oliver walk back to his car when suddenly they are ambushed by armed men who shot them with tranquilizers and Oliver sees one kill an innocent man] Tommy: Ok, so we took care of that. Good call. Now we can make up for lost time. If you're not too sick of fish, I suggest we find some leggy models and eat Sushi all day. What do you say? [An van approaches them from behind] What're they doing? [armed men appear in front] What the hell? Bystander: Hey! [One of the men shoots him dead] [Flashback] - Lifeboat. Gus sets up a fluorescent light above the boat. Robert gives Oliver a bottle of water to drink. Robert: Here, son. Drink. Gus: What the hell are you doing?! (pointing to the bottle of water) That's all we've got. Robert: If anybody's making it out of here, it's gonna be him. I'm so sorry. I thought I'd have more time. I'm not the man you think I am. I didn't build our city. I failed it. And I wasn't the only one. [Present Day] - Desolate warehouse Kidnapper: Mr. Queen. (The hood is yanked of Oliver's head) Mr. Queen! Did your father survive that accident? I ask the questions. You give me the answers. (tasers him) Did he make it to the island? Did he tell you anything? (tasers him) Oliver: Yes, he did. Kidnapper: What did he tell you, Mr. Queen? (Oliver looks at Tommy unconscious on the floor. Also zip-tied) Oliver: He told me I'm gonna kill you. Kidnapper: [laughs] You're delusional. You're zip-cuffed to that chair. Oliver: (shows his hands) Not anymore. (The first kidnapper attacks Oliver, Oliver meanwhile dodges his attack and knocks him out the his chair. He disarms the second kidnapper and uses him as a human shield. The third kidnapper makes a run for it but Oliver apprehends him and kills him) Oliver: You killed that man. Kidnapper 3: You don't have to do this. Oliver: Yes, I do. Nobody can know my secret. [He breaks his neck-killing him] [Queen Mansion] - Living Room Detective Lance: So that's your story. A guy in a green hood flew in and single-handedly took out 3 armed kidnappers. I mean, who is he? Why would he do that? Oliver: I don't know. Find him and you can ask. Detective Lance: Yeah. What about you? (shows him the sketch) You see the hood guy? Tommy: I saw... just movement. Everything blurry. I was kind of out of it. Detective Lance: Yeah. It's funny, isn't it? One day back, and already somebody's gunning for you. Aren't you popular? Moira: Were you able to identify the men? Detective Hilton: Scrubbed identities, untraceable weapons. These were pros. Detective Lance: Yeah. Well, they probably figured you'd pay a king's ransom to get your boy back or a Queen's ransom, as it were. After all, a parent would do anything to keep their child safe. Moira: I don't find your tone appropriate, Detective. Walter: If Oliver can think of anything else, he'll be in touch. Thank you, gentlemen, for coming. [Detective Lance chuckles] Detective Lance: Your luck never seems to run out, does it? (The detectives leave) [Oliver's Bedroom] - Raisa enters with lunch and she and Oliver talk. Raisa: You are different. Not like you to read a book. Oliver: I missed you, Raisa. Raisa: No kitchen on the island. Oliver: No. No friends either. (He stands and walks to her) Hey. (He takes the tray from her) Thank you. (He sets the tray down) Do I really seem different? Raisa: No. You're still a good boy. Oliver: Oh, I think we both know I wasn't. Raisa: But a good heart. Oliver: I hope so. I want to be the person you always told me I could be. [SCENE_BREAK] [Outside the Mansion] Oliver is leaving the Mansion when Moira stops him and introduces him to his new bodyguard. Moira: Oliver, I want to introduce you to someone... John Diggle. He'll be accompanying you from now on. Oliver: I don't need a babysitter. Walter: Darling, Oliver's a grown man. And if he doesn't feel he needs armed protection- Moira: Yeah, I understand, but this is something I need. [In the car] Oliver: So...What do I call you? John Diggle: Diggle's good. Dig if you want. Oliver: You're ex-military? Diggle: Yes, sir. 105th airborne of of Kandahar, retired. Been in the private sector a little more than 4 years now. I don't want there to be any confusion, Mr. Queen. My ability to keep you from harm will outweigh your comfort. Do we have an agreement? (No response) Sir? [The car door opens and closes][Cars honk][Diggle looks behind to find Oliver gone. He slams on the brake] Sir! [He gets out and looks behind. Oliver is gone] [Oliver walks through the slums. He reaches his father's old factory, he throws his bags over and scales the fence. He enters the abandoned factory and brings to make lair. In a montage he trains intensively --- sharpening his skills] Oliver (V.O.): The abduction was unexpected. It forced me to move up my plans, but what I told the police was true. The man in the green hood was there in that warehouse, and he's just beginning. Television Anchorman: The suit alleges that Hunt committed multiple acts of fraud and theft against the city's underprivileged. Laurel Lance, an attorney for the city necessary... Oliver (V.O.): Adam Hunt...his crimes go deeper than fraud and theft, but he's been able to bully, bribe, or kill anyone who's gotten into his way. He hasn't met me yet. [Parking Lot] Adam Hunt: You remind Grell I put him on the bench, I can take him off. I will turn him into a cautionary tale. Man: Yes, Mr. Hunt. Hunt: And this attorney Laurel Lance...you said she wasn't gonna be a problem anymore. I told you to fix that situation. [They stop walking. Hunt walks towards him] Why are you still here? [The man leaves] [They resume walking to the car when the lights go out and ARROW appears taking out the guards and threatening Hunt's life] Bodyguard 1: [Whoosh] Unh! Bodyguard 2: [To Hunt] Get in the car! [He fires into the ceiling] Arrow: Hey. You missed. Bodyguard 2: Unh! [Whoosh] Unh! [Whoosh] Hunt: [Whoosh. Car door glass smashes] Unh! [He pulled out of the car] What? What? Just... just tell me what you want. Arrow: You're gonna transfer $40 million into Starling City bank account 1141 by 10 P.M. tomorrow night. Hunt: Or what? Arrow: Or I'm gonna take it, and you won't like how. Hunt: If I see you again, you're dead! [Hunt Multinational] - Hunt gives his statement to the police about his encounter with ARROW. He tells them to back at his office by 10PM to take "The Hooded-Guy" down. Hunt: He was wearing a hood, a green hood, and he had a bow and arrow. [The detectives look at each other] What, you don't believe me? [He turns to pick up an object from his desk and shows them a green arrow] That maniac put two of my men in the hospital. [Detective Hilton takes the arrow] Detective Lance: Well, thanks for your statement. We'll put out an APB on... (he looks at the arrow then back at Hunt) Robin Hood? Hunt: Hey, pal. [He walks towards him] I'm not some grocer who got taken for his register. I go to the front of the line. Now he said he would be back here by 10 P.M. Make sure you're here first. You can coordinate with Mr. Drakon, my new head of security. Detective Lance: All right. Well, uh, thanks for your time. [They leave] Detective Hilton: It looks like Queen was telling the truth. Detective Lance: Yeah. Well, there's a first time for everything. This hooded guy comes looking for trouble, he'll find it. [Outside the Queen Mansion] Oliver is leaves to go to his party. He opens the car door to find Diggle waiting for him inside, ready to accompany him to the party. Diggle: Put on your seat belt, sir. Wouldn't want you to miss your party. [Oliver gets in and smiles in disbelief] [Oliver's Welcome Home Party]. Oliver arrives at the party. As he descends the stairs he brings out his phone and checks his timer: 9.07PM (53 mins left for Adam Hunt to deliver). Tommy sees him and ushers him in. Tommy: [He signals for the music to end] Everybody, hey! Man-of-the-hour! [crowd cheers] Whoo! And, ladies, please give this man a proper homecoming. [Music plays as Oliver approaches and climbs on center stage: ? We are the champions ? We are the champions ? Of the world?] Oliver: Thank you very much, everybody! Tommy: Ollie, Ollie, Ollie, Ollie. [gives him a shot] Oliver: [to the crowd] I missed Tequila! [The crowd cheers] [Hunt Multinational] - 9.25PM. Hunts' guards get ready and load their clips into their automatic weapons. Techno music is heard from outside. Hunt: What the hell's going on out there? Drakon: It's across the street. Party for the guy that got rescued off that island...Oliver Queen. [Oliver's Welcome Home Party] - Oliver and Tommy check out girls. Diggle stands the background. Oliver sees Thea get drugs from a strange guy. Tommy: Hey. Does he wipe for you, too? Now by my rough estimate, you have not had s*x in 1,839 days. As your wingman, I highly recommend Carmen Golden. Oliver: Which one is she? Tommy: The one who looks like the chick from "Twilight." Oliver: What's "Twilight"? Tommy: You're so better off not knowing. (Oliver sees Thea) Oliver: Back in a minute. (Diggle follows him. Oliver grabs Thea aside) Thea: Ollie, hey! This party is sick. Oliver: Who let you in here? Thea: I believe it was somebody who said, "Right this way, Miss Queen." Oliver: Well, you shouldn't be here. Thea: Uh, I'm not 12 anymore. Oliver: No. You're 17. Thea: Ollie, I-I love you, but you can't come back here and judge me, especially for being just like you. Oliver: I know that it couldn't have been easy for you when I was-away. Thea: Away? (she chuckles) No. You died. My brother and my father died. I went to your funerals. Oliver: I know. Thea: No, you don't. Mom had Walter, and I had no one. You guys all act like it's cool, let's forget about the last 5 years. Well, I can't. For me, it's kind of permanently in there, so I'm sorry if I turned out some major disappointment, but this-me, is the best I could do with what I had to work with. Let's bounce. Girl: You have the fun dip? Thea: Yeah.It's right-No. I... I must have dropped it. [Oliver throws the drug in the trash. He proceeds to leave when he bumps into Laurel] Oliver: Oh! Oh. You're here. Laurel: Tommy. He made the point that we have too many years between us to leave things the way we left them. Is there someplace quieter that we could go? Oliver: Yeah. [Observatory Floor] Laurel: I'm sorry about saying that you should have been the one who died. That was wrong. Oliver: If I could trade places with her, I would. Laurel: About Sarah... there's something that I've been afraid to ask, but I need to know. Oliver: Ok. Laurel: When she died...did she suffer? Oliver: [Flashback] No. Sarah! [she screams and is ripped away by the ocean] [Present Day] No. Laurel: I think about her every day. Oliver: Me, too. Laurel: I guess we still have one thing in common then. I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but...If you need someone to talk to about what happened to you, I'm here. [Oliver's cell phone vibrates. He checks his phone. 10.00PM - Account balance $0] Something wrong? Oliver: I asked somebody to do something. They didn't do it. Laurel...you always saw the best in me. Right now, that's what you're doing, looking at me, and you're wondering if that island changed me somehow, if it made me a better person. It didn't. Stay away from me. Otherwise...I'm just gonna hurt you again, but this time, it'll be worse. Gotta roll. [He walks back from her] I got 5 years of debauchery to catch up on. Laurel: [Hurt. She walks towards him angered] You know what, Oliver? You're wrong. That island did change you. At least now you're honest. [she leaves] [Service Hallway] Diggle: Something I can help you with, sir? Oliver: [turns around] I just wanted a second to myself. Diggle: I would believe you, Mr. Queen, if you weren't so full of crap. Party's this way. [Motions to the door] Oliver: It's locked. [Diggle goes to check and Oliver puts him in a sleeper hold and immobilizes him] [Hunt Multinational] Drakon: You two cover the elevator. Hang back and be ready. Stay in the corners and stay alert. [Lock latches] It's past 10:00. He's never getting in here. Detective Hilton: All's clear. Detective Lance: Yeah. Hunt: You missed. Arrow: Really? Hunt: He's here! Detective Lance: All units, converge! All units, converge! Arrow: Aigh! Detective Lance: Go right, go right. On me. Officer: Lay down your weapons, or we will open fire! I repeat, lay down your weapons. Detective Hilton: Tell me you saw that. Detective Lance: Ok. Let's go. Move. Cut it. Search the building roof to basement. Find him! Starling City police! The party's over, kids. [Booing] Oh, Mr. Merlyn. Imagine my shock at finding you here. Did you roofie anyone special tonight, huh? Oliver: Detective! It's a private party. Detective Lance: Yeah? Well, there was an incident at Adam Hunt's building tonight. You know anything about that? Oliver: Who's Adam Hunt? Detective Lance: He's a millionaire bottom feeder, and I'm kind of surprised you aren't friends. Oliver: I've been out of town for...a while. Detective Lance: Yeah. Well, he just got attacked by the guy with the hood, the guy that saved your ass the other day. Oliver: The hood guy. You didn't find him? I'm gonna offer a reward. Hey, everybody. $2 million to anybody that can find a nut bar in a green hood. [The crowd cheers] Detective Lance: Did you even try to save her? Detective Hilton: Ok. Let's go, partner. Detective Lance: Did you even try to save my daughter? Detective Hilton: Sarah wouldn't want this. Detective Lance: It's not- Detective Hilton: Partner, let's go. (low voice) It's all right. Let's go. Oliver: It's way too quiet in here! This is a party! Tommy: Some coincidence, I mean, you asking to have your party here, and Hunt getting robbed right next door and by the same guy who rescued us at the warehouse. Oliver: If I were you, Tommy, I'd just be glad you're alive. Tommy: What-h-happened to you on that island? Oliver: A lot Hunt: What the hell are you talking about? $40 million doesn't just up and vanish! Untraceable?! It is $40 million! Find it! How did he do it? Robert: There's not enough for all of us. Save your strength. You can survive this, make it home, make it better, right my wrongs, but you got to live through this first. You hear me, Ollie? You hear me, son? Oliver: Just rest, dad. Gus: No! Oliver: Dad?! Robert: Survive. Oliver: No! Laurel: If hypothetically $50,000 magically appeared in your bank account, it might be best for you not to speak about it...to anyone... Ever. God bless you, too. I just got a very grateful phone call from one of our clients against Adam Hunt. Johanna: Me, too. Heh. It looks like Starling City has a guardian angel. By the way, your cute friend's here. Tommy: You left the party pretty quick last night, even after I made sure the bar was stocked with Pinot Noir. Laurel: It wasn't really my scene. Tommy: I thought maybe you and Oliver went mano-a-mano again. I saw you two head out. Laurel: There's nothing between Oliver and I, not anymore. Tommy: Here I thought the only thing between you and Oliver was us. Laurel: I wouldn't exactly characterize us as an "us," Tommy. Tommy: Then what would you call it? Laurel: A lapse. Tommy: That's quite a few lapses... your place, my place, my place again. Laurel: Oh, come on, Merlyn. We both know that you're not a one-girl type of guy. Tommy: Depends on the girl. Laurel: I have to go back to work. Tommy: Dinah Laurel Lance always trying to save the world. Laurel: Hey. If I don't try and save it, who will? Oliver (V.O.): She says the island changed me. She has no idea how much. There are many more names on the list, those who rule my city through intimidation and fear. Every last one of them will wish I had died on that island. Moira: The police failed to identify the men I hired to kidnap Oliver, and they never will. Should we arrange another abduction? Moira: No. There are other ways of finding out what my son knows.

Billionaire playboy Oliver Queen , missing and presumed dead after a shipwreck that claimed the life of his father, Robert , is discovered alive after five years on a remote Pacific island . He is welcomed home to Starling City by his mother Moira , stepfather Walter Steele , younger sister Thea , and best friend Tommy Merlyn , but they sense he has changed. Moira assigns John Diggle as Oliver's bodyguard. Oliver hides the truth about the man he has become, and tries to reconcile with his former girlfriend, Laurel Lance , whom he cheated on with her sister Sara (who died in the shipwreck). While reconnecting with those closest to him, by night Oliver secretly masquerades as a hooded vigilante archer, attempting to fulfill his dying father's request: to right the wrongs of his family. Oliver's first goal is to take down corrupt millionaire Adam Hunt , who has scammed millions from various people in the city. Laurel's father, police detective Quentin Lance , becomes determined to arrest the vigilante. Meanwhile, it is revealed Oliver's mother has an agenda at odds with her son, having orchestrated a kidnapping to determine what Robert told him after the shipwreck.

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fd_Frasier_02x20_0

ACT ONE ROZ DOYLE AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM Scene One - KACL Frasier is wrapping up his show. Frasier: Well, that's it for today. Goodbye, and good listening. He goes off the air, and walks into Roz's booth. She's preoccupied. Frasier: Little off our game today, aren't we, Roz? Is something wrong? Roz: Yes. I told a guy I love him. Frasier: Somebody you know this time? Roz: [gives him a look, then] Forget it, Frasier, I know you don't like to hear about my love-life. Frasier: Oh, Roz, don't be ridiculous. I care about you. If you have a problem, and I can help, I'd love to. Just keep the details on a need-to-know basis. Roz: OK. We've been dating a couple of weeks, and last night he started licking me behind my ear. See, I have this sweet little spot there... Frasier: Uh, Roz, is this-? Roz: Yes, you do need to know this. So anyway, what I meant to say was, "Oh, I love that!" But I got so caught up that I yelled out, "Oh, I love you!" and then all of a sudden he got this look on his face like Indiana Jones running from the big ball! Frasier: Well, uh, Roz, do you love him? Roz: No! But I said it, so he should have said it back, it's just polite. Frasier: There is no more emotionally charged phrase in the language than "I love you." Some people are just incapable of saying it, it makes them too vulnerable. My father, for instance, incapable of saying "I love you," even to me. But I know he does. Roz: So your father never told you he loves you? God, that explains so much. Frasier: What is that supposed to mean?! Roz: Well, maybe if he had, you wouldn't be so emotionally needy that when a close friend asks your advice, you have to steer the conversation back to your own problems. So anyway, now that I told this guy I love him, how do I take it back? Frasier: [putting on his jacket] Very simple, Roz. Do you remember when I said that I cared about you and I'd like to help? Roz: Yeah? Frasier: [picks up his briefcase] I take it back. He strides out of the booth, leaving Roz gaping. [SCENE_BREAK] I ONLY HAVE ICE FOR YOU Scene Two - Apartment Martin is going through his tackle box at the dinner table. Eddie jumps up and starts sniffing. Martin: Eddie, get out of there! You'll get a fishhook up your nose! Daphne comes out of the kitchen, spraying air freshener. Daphne: Don't you ever clean that thing out? Martin: No! It's bad luck. Everybody knows that. You show up on a fishing trip with a tackle box that doesn't smell like the most rancid, rotten thing on the face of the earth, and nobody'll sit next to you. Frasier and Niles come in. Frasier: Yes, Niles, I used to have the same problem with my multiple personality patients. They always kept saying that the other one had sent the check! Niles: [sniffing] What an odd combination of odors. Smells like a fish died, and all the other fish sent flowers. Frasier: Yes, it's time for Dad's annual ice-fishing trip to Lake Nomahegan. Martin: Yep, I'm getting my gear ready. Duke rented a cabin right on the lake, and I'm bringing the bait and the pork rinds. Now, just 'cause your old man's going out of town, I don't want you boys throwing any wild parties. Frasier: How can we if you're taking all the pork rinds? Niles: I can't figure it out. [probes a finger in the tackle box] How could a fish be so dumb as to put its mouth around - Ow! He jerks his finger back and puts it in his mouth. The phone rings. Daphne answers. Daphne: Hello? Oh, hello! Yes, he's right here. [to Martin] It's Duke. Martin: Oh! [takes phone] Hey, Duke! [face falls] Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, sure I understand. Hey, we'll do it next year. Yeah, we've had too many good times up there to let this tradition die. [laughs] Yeah, yeah, I love ya, you big lug! OK, bye. He hangs up. Frasier looks a little put-out. Daphne: Your trip's been canceled? Martin: Yeah, Duke's back's out again. Daphne: Oh, what a shame. You were so looking forward to it. Martin: Well, I still have the cabin. But I can't go alone... He looks meaningfully at Frasier. Frasier: Dad, look, as much as I'd like to do something with you this weekend, I'm afraid ice fishing just isn't it. Oh, look, look, here's an idea! You know what, they're doing a revival of "The Iceman Cometh" playing downtown! Now, you see, we could catch a matinee, and then go out for sushi, and stay well within the same theme music, you know? Martin: Thanks, anyway. Daphne: Well, I'd go, but to me the pleasure of fishing has always been waiting for the men to return with their catch. Oh, I can still see my brothers' friends coming back from the lake, their chiseled faces all ruddy and wind-burnt. Ooh, they were so masculine, I just couldn't wait to panfry their kippers! Regular as clockwork: Niles: I'll go ice fishing, Dad! Martin: Really, are you sure? Niles: Unless you don't want me to... Martin: No, I do! Oh, this'll be great! Frasier: You, ice-fishing? Niles: Well, why not? I've always thought of myself as a man of the great al fresco. Frasier: Niles, you get a runny nose watching figure skating on TV. Martin: Hey, thanks, Niles. Niles: It's the very least I can do if it'll help save your trip for you. Frasier: Yes, well, Niles, that's quite a gesture. But I mean, really, ice-fishing? In an arctic tundra where large men spit and it freezes in their beards? Niles: After you've seen Maris's interpretive dance group perform "Afternoon of a Faun" in the east garden, the wilderness holds no terror. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Apartment The next morning. Daphne is making sandwiches in the kitchen. Frasier comes in. Frasier: Morning, Daphne. Daphne: Good morning! Lovely day, isn't it? Frasier: Well, you're in a good mood. Daphne: Yes, well, as much as I love your father, with him gone it's going to be a wonderful weekend... care to make it perfect? Frasier: I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I am staying. Martin comes in, wearing his heavy boots. Martin: Well, I found the thermos! Be sure to make that coffee extra- strong! Eddie runs up and barks. Martin: Oh, hey, how you doing, chief? Yeah, I know you want to go with me, but we're gonna be on the ice, it'll be too cold for you. Yeah, I love ya, you little mutt! Well, I better go make sure I have everything. Frasier is thrown off again. Martin leaves the kitchen. Frasier: Did he just say "I love you" to the dog? Daphne: Oh, that's nothing. I had an aunt who used to say, "good night, Mr. Vanderpump" to a hat rack. Frasier: Does he say that to Eddie a lot? Daphne: Well, I try to give them their privacy. Frasier goes to the front door to get the paper. Frasier: I'm sorry, Daphne, I'm just curious. I don't mean to sound maudlin, but, you know I can't remember Dad ever saying that to me. Daphne: Oh, you know what a crusty old git your dad is. Frasier: Well, yes, but he says it to Eddie, you know he said it to Duke the other day on the phone... Daphne: Duke and your father go way back. He's his chum. Frasier: And I'm not? Daphne: Well, you know when your dad wants to go fishing, at least Duke will go with him. Frasier: So you're suggesting that I go along and pretend I'm enjoying myself, doing something that gives me absolutely no pleasure at all, just to hear the words "I love you?" Daphne: Why not? Women have been doing it for centuries. Daphne goes back to the kitchen. The doorbell rings. Frasier opens the door to Niles, who is decked out head-to-toe in brand new winter clothes and fishing paraphernalia, including an oversized fur hat. Niles: Call me Ishmael. [N.B. The first line of "Moby Dick."] Martin comes out and sees him. Martin: Wow, Niles, look at you! Now are you sure you're gonna be warm enough? Niles: No problem there. I dressed in layers - Polo, Eddie Bauer, and Timberland. Frasier: You look like a skinny Elmer Fudd. Niles: Dad, wait'll you see all the stuff I got. I had no idea how much I liked fishing until I realized all the shopping involved. Graphite poles... Martin: Wow! Niles: And, [takes out a pair of blue seat cushions] Hot Buns! Martin: Wow! Niles: They're heated seat cushions. You microwave them and they stay toasty warm for hours. Frasier: You know, Dad, maybe I was a little hasty... Daphne comes out of the kitchen. Daphne: All right, here we are, some snacks for the trip, or- [sees Niles and laughs] Oh, Dr. Crane, look at you in your new togs! Martin: Yeah, quite an outfit, huh? The fish'll see him coming! Daphne: Yes, well, the salesman certainly did! Frasier: Dad, you know, I feel kind of bad that I turned you down when you invited me... Martin: Oh, don't worry about it. Niles: Wait'll you taste this freshly smoked turkey jerky! Daphne: [to Frasier] For heaven's sakes, you know you want to go, so why don't you just ask him? Frasier: How can I? I already said I didn't want to. Martin: [tasting the jerky] Oh, that's delicious! Niles: No, don't put it back in the bag! Martin: Hey, Niles, come on, it's getting late. Niles: Well, yes, guess we'd better hit the road. Frasier: You know, guys, it's kind of a long trip. Are you sure you're up to the drive? Martin: Frasier, I'm getting some mixed signals here. You don't want to go with us, do you? Frasier: Oh, all right! Better than hearing you nag, nag, nag all the time! Fine, I'll go! He storms to his room, leaving Martin and Niles confused. [SCENE_BREAK] PROOF THAT HELL REALLY DOES FREEZE OVER Scene Four - Cabin A small, square cabin on the surface of the lake - essentially a wooden box with a trapdoor in the center of the floor. There are three wooden benches against the walls, but no beds. Martin limps through the door. He turns back. Martin: Hey, come on! The ice isn't gonna break, this lake's been frozen solid for three months. Frasier stumbles through the door, carrying a large thermos and doing his best not to look thoroughly miserable. Frasier: Well, I'm-I'm sorry, Dad. It's just that when you said Duke rented a cabin "on the lake," this is not what I had in mind. Martin: It's a cabin. It's on the lake. Frasier: Yes - a few degrees warmer, it'll be IN the lake. Niles comes in, breathless. Niles: That was amazing! I've never felt so in touch with nature! Martin: What happened? Niles: For the first time in my life, I just urinated outdoors! Martin laughs. Frasier wonders if his brother has flipped completely. Niles: Another cup of coffee, I'll go back and dot the "I!" [looks around] Oh Dad, this is great! Martin: Yeah... well, Frasier doesn't think so. Frasier: Well, it's not that I'm complaining. It's just that I thought it would be something more... well, lake-adjacent. Are we actually going to sleep in here? Niles: [laughing] Who is this rube? Maybe we can trick him into touching his tongue to the bait bucket! Martin: No, we're fishing here, we're sleeping someplace else. Remember where we turned off the highway? Well, right down from there is the Bed 'N Bass Motel. Frasier: "Bed 'N Bass" - yes, one of the finer fish-themed hotels. He picks up a long auger screw from the wall. Frasier: So, what do we do? We make a hole in the ice with this little corkscrew-thingy and then just start fishing? Niles: It's called an "auger." Frasier: Well, imagine my embarrassment. Niles: [handing Martin one of two seat cushions] Here's your Hot Buns, Dad. Martin: Oh, thanks. Frasier: What am I gonna sit on? Niles: The auger's free. [off Frasier's look] Oh, all right, come on, come on, here. He slides over, leaving half of his own seat cushion free. Frasier sits beside him. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five - Cabin The guys are sitting side by side on the bench. A fishing rod is mounted over the open trapdoor, with the line dangling down a hole in the ice. Nothing's happening. Frasier covertly pulls his sleeve up and sneaks a glance at his watch. Martin: I saw that. Frasier: I'm not bored. I was simply wondering how long we've been sitting here enjoying ourselves. Niles: If the fish don't feel peckish just now, we'll pass the time in good conversation. Dad, did you know that Lake Nomahegan was formed by the retreat of several glaciers during the Cenozoic Era? Frasier: Which, coincidentally, is the last time anyone caught a fish in it. Martin: How'd you know that, Niles? Niles: Well, last night I was browsing through "Fielding's Geological History of Western Canada." It's fascinating! For example, did you know this very lake is eighty-nine meters deep and boasts fifty varieties of fish! Frasier: Oh, Alex, I'll take "Bodies of Water" for five hundred! Niles: It has lake trout, rainbow trout, wall-eyed pike- Frasier: How would you like to be sleeping with them?! Martin: Hey, you know, you could learn a thing or two from your brother about getting into the spirit of things. Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, it's just that my back hurts, I'm hungry, and I'm tired of sitting here trying to warm up one bun at a time in twenty-degree weather! That's negative six degrees Celsius, a system named after Anders Celsius, the famed Swedish astronomer and compulsive temperature-taker! Niles, switch! He gets up and moves to the other side of Niles's Hot Buns. Niles: I believe you're on my side. Frasier: I am not. Niles: You've crossed the border! Frasier: [getting up] Oh my God, I don't even know why I'm here! Niles: I'm thinking the same thing myself. Martin: Now, guys, come on! Niles: If you're having such a terrible time, why don't you just head back to the Bed 'N Bass? Frasier: Oh fine, that's just what I need, a brisk five-mile hike through sub-freezing temperature. Niles: Oh, for God's sake, take the car, you can pick us up later. Frasier: Fine. Niles: [searching his pocket] Oh, no. There's a hole in my pocket. Martin: You lost the keys? Frasier: Oh, no. Where? Niles: Well, if I knew where, they wouldn't be lost! They could be anywhere between here and the car. Martin: Well, good luck finding them, it's been snowing all day. Niles: Great - we're gonna have to stay here all night. Frasier: This is just dandy! By morning we'll be Stoafer's Frozen Entr es for wolves! Martin: [points under the bench] Hey, wait a minute, is that them over there? Niles: Where? [sees them] Oh, oh, oh, thank God! [picks them up] Frasier: All right, mister, I don't trust you. Give me those right now. Niles: Fine, Mr. Big Brother! He tosses them to Frasier - well, "toss" being used loosely, more like an anemic lob that sends the keys plummeting down the fishing hole. Niles: Nice catch! Frasier: Me? You throw like a girl! Martin: Hey come on, let's not panic. You know, we're gonna be fine staying here all night. You know, the same thing happened to me and Duke about ten years ago. Niles: You dropped your car keys down the hole? Martin: No, we're not idiots. The car battery died. But the three of us made it through the night just fine. Niles: You, Duke, and who? Martin produces a flask bottle of bourbon. Martin: My old drinking buddy, Mr. James Beam! You're not the only one who went out and got some fishing supplies. He takes a healthy swig, then hands it to Frasier. Frasier: Boy, I never thought I'd end up yearning for the Bed 'N Bass. [takes a swig] Niles? Niles: [taking a sherry glass from his bag] Yes, please! Frasier fills the sherry glass, as Martin rolls his eyes. END OF ACT ONE [SCENE_BREAK] ACT TWO Scene Six - Cabin The boys are waiting out the day. Each has a bench to himself. Suddenly they hear a low creaking sound. Frasier: My God, what was that? Martin: Just the ice cracking underneath us. Frasier and Niles, panicked, lift their feet off the floor. Martin: Relax, it happens all the time. Niles: Well, if we do fall in we'll have ninety seconds until hypothermia sets in. Frasier: One more fact, you're going in that hole! Niles stands up. Niles: [defiantly] The wall-eyed pike- Frasier: OK, that's it! The brothers get up and face off. Martin: Stop it! Will you guys stop going after each other already? I know, we got to lighten things up around here. Hey, we're drinking, we need a drinking song! Frasier: All right, all right. Ooh, I know, there's a wonderful drinking song from "La Traviata" called, uh, "Libiamo Brindisi!" Niles: No, no, no, no, that's from "Rigoletto." Frasier: No, it's from "La Traviata!" Frasier starts singing "Libiamo" in a brassy opera voice. Niles tries to correct his pitch, singing the same word in a different voice. Martin rolls his eyes. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Seven - Cabin A While Later. After a few more drinks, the three Crane men are sitting on the same bench, singing "Libiamo Brindisi." They're slow, and off-key, but at least they're in unison. Frasier/Niles/Martin: Si, ne scopra, ne scopra, Il nuovo di... They finish and start laughing. Martin: That was great! What's the second verse? Niles: I don't know, it's in Italian! [laughter] Another drink, Dad? Martin: No, no, I'll take a pass on that, I got to go use the facilities. But, I'll be right back, so keep a light on in the window for me! Martin limps out the door. Frasier: Well, I'm still thirsty, Niles. Here, "Beam" me up. Niles giggles and hands Frasier the bottle. Frasier: Niles, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? What the hell are you doing here? Niles: What do you mean? Frasier: You know, this whole "Sergeant Niles of the Yukon" act. I mean, come on, it can't be all to impress Daphne- Niles: It's not an act! Frasier: Niles, in twenty years, I've never heard you comment on fish except to say that the sauce had separated. Niles: All right. I'll tell you. You promise not to laugh? Frasier: You'll have to take that hat off. Niles: Well, two years ago when you took Dad in, I thought I was getting away with something. Watching you two get closer, I started to think maybe I was missing out on something. Frasier: You want him? Niles: No, no, let me finish. I just really feel the need to make a connection. Frasier: Well, Niles, I think you've made a connection. It just seems a little extreme though, you know? You probably could have accomplished the same thing if you'd just taken him to Captain Andy's Surf N' Turf! Niles: And miss out on all the fun of memorizing 101 useless fish facts and buying a large battery-operated wardrobe? [laughs] Frasier: So you're having just a bad a time as I am! Niles: Oh, oh, oh, worse! At least you have the fun of complaining, I have to feign enthusiasm! Oh, oh... [sinks down] I really am King of the Ninnies, aren't I? Frasier: Oh no. Don't be reaching for that scepter yet, son. Want to know the reason I came up here? Niles: Hmm. Frasier: It was just to hear him say the words "I love you." Niles: What? Frasier: Yeah, well, you know - he said it to Duke, he said it to Eddie. He's never said it to me. Niles: Surely you don't put yourself up there with Eddie? [they laugh] Oh, Frasier, you know he loves you! Frasier: Oh yeah, of course I do. I'm being ridiculous, I know that. I mean, look at the guy! He's content just to sit here freezing his buns off because we're sitting here with him. It's just I guess I just got a little obsessed about, you know, hearing it. Well, I mean, you know that Maris loves you, right? But it's still nice to hear it. Niles: I imagine it would be, but let's stick to attainable goals. They laugh again. Frasier: As they laugh the laugh of the damned. Martin comes in. Martin: Hey, I did it! I wrote my name out there! I had to borrow an "N" from Niles, but I did it! Frasier: We're leaving quite the urological crossword puzzle out there, aren't we? Martin: What were you guys laughing at? Frasier: Oh, nothing. Martin: Oh, come on! Don't leave your old man out. Frasier: Well... all right, O.K. I was just explaining to Niles the reason why I drove all this way up here was to... I was hoping I'd hear you say the words, "I love you." [laughs] Martin: Oh, jeez, I leave you for two minutes and you have to start thinking. Isn't it enough that we're just here having a good time? Niles: Dad... Martin: You know, every year in this country thousands of guys go fishing, and love never enters into it! Frasier: Okay, okay, forget about it. Martin: Thank you. Can we just go on fishing? Frasier: Sure. They settle onto the same bench again, watching the hole. Niles: A fisherman in Oshkosh, Wisconsin stared into one of these holes for twenty years before he caught his first fish. Frasier: Haven't we been here that long? He and Niles laugh, but Martin gets up and moves to another bench. Martin: Anyway, just because I didn't say it doesn't mean I don't mean it or feel it. Frasier: Dad, that's exactly what we were saying. Niles: Absolutely. Martin: Yeah, well, my dad never said it, but I know he felt it. I mean, feeling it's the same as saying it, isn't it? Frasier: Dad, you don't have to say it. Martin: [upset] Well, did it ever occur to you that... maybe I want to say it? You know, your mother used to get all over me about not saying stuff too. [pause] Well, I can't say it if you're looking at me! Niles: Would it help you if we left? Martin: Just for that, I'm doing you second! The boys look away. Martin stares down into his lap. Martin: I don't know why it's so hard. Frasier: Dad, listen, you know you can say it. I mean, I heard you say it to Duke. Martin: Oh, that's different, I said, "I love ya!" Ya! Frasier: We'd take "ya." Niles: Yeah. Martin: Well, if I'm gonna do it, I'll do it right. [sniff] Frasier... Martin stops and takes a long pull from the bottle. Martin: Frasier... I love you. Niles... I love you. Frasier: Thanks, Dad. I love you too. Niles: And I love you too. Silence. Niles: But I hate ice-fishing! Martin and Frasier smile. Martin: Well, it's the last time you'll have to come out and do that. Niles: Oh, in that case I REALLY love you! Martin: Well, thanks, Niles. Niles: Oh, look at that, that's so cute. When you say it to him, he blushes! I love you! Martin: Oh, no! Niles: I love you... Martin: Oh, come on! Frasier: I love you... Martin: No, cut that out... Niles and Frasier crowd Martin, repeating "I love you." Martin tries to shoo them away. Onto this strange scene a park ranger appears in the doorway. Niles: Come on, give us a kiss! Martin: Oh, shut up! Ranger: [knocking on the glass] Excuse me! Martin: Hey, officer! Niles: Oh, we're saved! Ranger: You guys are gonna have to come off the ice for the night. Martin: Well, we can't, we lost the car keys. Ranger: Then I'll take you to your motel, and you can call a locksmith in the morning. Martin: Oh, thanks, officer! Frasier: That's a wonderful idea, you're quite a sport. Niles: Yes! Yes! Thank you, we love you! The ranger holds up a "No, Thanks!" hand. Niles: Ya! We love ya! Martin: We've been drinking a little. The Crane boys exit. The Ranger follows them out. [SCENE_BREAK] Daphne looks around the empty apartment one last time, and sighs. Then she goes to the door and opens it. Martin comes in with a string of four or five large fish. Daphne takes the string and gives him a big kiss on the cheek. Frasier follows Martin in with his own string - not as many as Martin, but just as large. Daphne takes the string and gives him another kiss on the cheek. Niles follows Frasier in, somewhat sulkily. On his string hangs a small, solitary minnow. Daphne takes the string and gives Niles a little kiss on the cheek. For him, that's enough to make the trip worthwhile.

After Roz and Frasier talk about emotional connection, Frasier decides to accompany his father and Niles on an ice-fishing weekend in an effort to deepen their relationship.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x15

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x15_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING] [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. - NIGHT] (The camera moves low to the ground. The leaves on the floor are rustling in the night wind. The camera catches up to a pair of legs walking; a flashlight casting a beam on the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Man with flashlight looking for something.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Fog on the surface of the lake. Flashlight beams on a body partially in the water, partially on the shore. The light beams on the dead body's face. GRISSOM kneels in for a closer look. His flashlight catches some bugs on the dead body's arm. Without a backward glance, he moves on.) [SCENE_BREAK] (GRISSOM moves toward an old white pick-up truck. He looks into the carriage and sees a dead body behind the driver's wheel, a rodent on the cadaver's left shoulder.) [SCENE_BREAK] (GRISSOM walks along and sees something. He kneels down for a closer look. Behind him, a figure of another man makes his way toward GRISSOM. GRISSOM examines the dead body on the ground. The figure behind GRISSOM approaches. The flashlight clutched in his right hand turned off and swinging ominously.) (GRISSOM doesn't move and continues to examine the body on the ground, his back to the approaching figure. The figure behind reaches GRISSOM and kneels down. He looks at the dead body over GRISSOM'S shoulder.) Edward Cormier: That one's not ours. Grissom: You sure? Edward Cormier: I authorize all cadavers and associated research. He's not ours. WHITE FLASH CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BODY FARM - NIGHT] (Sign on the fence reads: "University of Western Nevada / Anthropology Department / Private Property / KEEP OUT / All persons in violation will be prosecuted under section 4204-325.5470 of the Nevada State Penal Code.") (BRASS and CATHERINE walk toward the body. GRISSOM is already there with DAVID PHILLIPS.) Brass: People donate their body to science end up submerged in a pond? Crammed in a car? Catherine: Body Farm; creepy. Grissom: A Body Farm is not creepy. It's a controlled study of situational decomposition. All in all, a very healthy place. Catherine: Tell that to Slim hanging from the tree. (CATHERINE looks over at the skeleton hanging from the tree not too far away from the one they were called in to examine.) Brass: Whoever placed our victim here knew that the body farm existed. What they didn't know is each body is tracked by a bunch of scientists. Catherine: Can't just slip a card into the deck. (CATHERINE starts taking pictures.) David Phillips: Well, he's not in rigor. TSD is under six hours. I'll move him as soon as you're finished. Brass: Any I.D.? David Phillips: None. (DAVID stands and steps away from the body.) Brass: Okay, I'm going to move him. (BRASS rolls the body over so that he's facing upward. CATHERINE takes more pictures. Brass: Gunshot wound to the chest. (Camera close up of a beetle walking out of the dead body's shirt.) Catherine: Well, look. One of your friends. (GRISSOM leans in an grabs the beetle.) Grissom: It's a carpet beetle. It shouldn't be here. Catherine: Vic seem more like a hardwood floors kind of guy to you? Grissom: Carpet beetles are the last to arrive at a corpse -- when it's almost a skeleton. I mean, this guy's still fresh. (GRISSOM looks around and sees the skeleton hanging from the tree. Camera close up on the carpet beetles on the skeleton's skull.) Grissom: David! Get this body out of here now! We got cross contamination! HARD CUT TO BLACK. END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (SARA and CATHERINE are walking from the hallway to the breakroom.) Sara: Wow, you got to go to the body farm? Catherine: Yeah. Sara: I've always wanted to go there. What was it like? Catherine: Quiet. [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - CONTINUOUS] Warrick: I hear Grissom goes there all the time. Like even on his nights off. (WARRICK doesn't lift his head from the newspaper he's reading. NICK walks into camera view and heads for the refrigerator.) Nick: Why does that not surprise me? (He opens the refrigerator and sighs.) Nick: Man, something stinks in here again. (NICK grabs his paper package.) Sara: What, bad milk? Cottage-cheese bad? Nick: Worse. It's all over my sandwich. Smell that. (He lifts his paper package and SARA reacts to the smell. She kneels and opens the refrigerator, glances in and notices the container on the top shelf.) Sara: Yeah. He's got one of his experiments in there. Nick: You're kidding me? Catherine: Bugs or blood? Sara: Not bugs. Warrick: (still reading paper) Oh, that's so not cool. That's a community fridge. Nick: Man, someone has got to talk to Grissom about this. (GRISSOM walks in.) Grissom: Talk to me about what? Nick: You leaving your experiments in our refrigerator. Grissom: Well, the lab fridge was full. I put in last night. Nick: Well ... Grissom: I'm going to test for horizontal motion on bloodstains. Vis-a-vis surface textures. (NICK looks annoyed. CATHERINE takes a sip of her coffee and discretely tries to ignore the smell. GRISSOM is clueless as he takes out the container of blood from the fridge and opens it.) Grissom: Hey, any of you guys got any linoleum at home? (CATHERINE catches a whiff of the open container and this time, she discretely pinches her nose trying to avoid the smell. SARA is quiet.) Nick: (sits down still annoyed at being ignored) That blood is rank, man. Grissom: I know. That's why the Red Cross gives it to us 'cause it's past its expiration date. (GRISSOM merrily closes the cap on the container, opens the fridge and puts it back on the top shelf. He shuts the door and stands up.) Grissom: (to CATHERINE) Anything new on the body farm victim? (CATHERINE takes another sip from her coffee mug.) Catherine: I gave the prints to identification. They're running through the bases now. Grissom: Okay. (GRISSOM turns to leave the room. Someone's pager goes off. It's GRISSOM'S.) Grissom: I'll be in autopsy. Let me know. (GRISSOM leaves.) Warrick: (doesn't look up from his paper) Way to go, Nick. You really told him. Nick: I told him, he just ... doesn't hear it. Warrick: (o.s.) Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Top view close up of dead body from the Body Farm. ROBBINS has his finger in the bullet hole.) Robbins: Well ... the entry wound tells me the body sustained a projectile. Grissom: A bullet. Robbins: Uh, but there's no bullet fragments in the tissue and no exit wound. Grissom: So, how do you explain that? Robbins: Bullet wounds usually leave bullet evidence. (Flash to white. Quick CGI POV of hand holding gun and squeezing trigger. Sound of gun firing. Camera close up of hammer cocking back and extreme close up of hammer hitting the 38 SPL bullet. Quick FX to bullet firing through the barrel of the gun and penetrating through the skin with bits of flesh splattering out. Bullet continues its path through the body. Cut to inside view of the body where bits and pieces of bone and bullet break up inside the body where some pieces embed themselves to the nearest organ. Flash to white. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Robbins: There's no evidence of a bullet in this wound tract. Grissom: So, let's excise it. Do a more localized search. Robbins: That was my next suggestion. Grissom: What's your best tool for excising the tissue of our Mr. Doe? (CATHERINE walks in.) Catherine: Oh, it's not a John Doe anymore. Database says that our victim is Mike Kimble age 38. He has a townhouse in Summerlin. Brass is going to meet us there along with the rest of the unit. My bet says that it's the primary crime scene. Grissom: Good. (GRISSOM takes off his glasses. CATHERINE turns to leave and stops as she notices that GRISSOM'S not moving from his spot next to the autopsy table.) Catherine: Aren't you coming? Grissom: We're excising a wound tract. Catherine: Sounds fascinating. Grissom: It is. (ROBBINS turns on the hand saw. The blade whirs.) (Off a camera close up of the hand saw, we hear a fire engine siren blaring.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MIKE KIMBLE'S RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (Sirens blare. CATHERINE runs past firetruck #27 and finds WARRICK standing on the sidewalk with his CSI kit in his left hand staring at the house on fire in front of him.) Catherine: Is that Mike Kimble's house? Warrick: That's it. (A large explosion emits from the second story window.) Catherine: Seems like somebody beat us here. Warrick: You think? Neighbor called it in. She smelled the smoke. Thought he was barbecuing in his living room. Catherine: Where's his neighbor now? Warrick: Over there talking to Brass. [EXT. -- CONTINUOUS] Female Neighbor: Um, no, I didn't hear any noise coming from Mike's place last night. But, um ... I was wearing my headphones, doing my workout. Brass: Did Mr. Kimble have many visitors to his house? Female Neighbor: Other than his clients, just, um ... just his fianc e, Jane. Uh, but they usually stayed at her place. Brass: Do you have the full name and address of the victim's fianc e, Jane? Female Neighbor: Yes, actually I do. It's in my kitchen. Uhm ... As soon as they let me back in I can get for you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (ROBBINS pulls out something gooey from the body.) Robbins: Something. A metal fragment. It's not like any bullet I've ever seen. (Camera close up of the piece of metal ROBBINS holds.) Robbins: Titanium ... maybe a pin. Grissom: From the ribs? Robbins: Oh, here's the manufacturer's number. I should've bought stock when I first started finding all these medical implants. (GRISSOM doesn't say anything. He pulls out a maggot.) Grissom: Bovine. Robbins: Excuse me? Grissom: Genus hypaderma. These are normally found in the intestinal tract of cows. These maggots aren't found in humans. Robbins: Foreign tissue. Cow. Makes absolutely no sense. Grissom: The body farm also studies animals, not just humans. Robbins: This more of your cross contamination? Grissom: Only one way to find out. (GRISSOM smiles at the thought of yet another experiment.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MIKE KIMBLE'S HOUSE - NIGHT] (Firemen on a ladder and in the second floor of the burnt home. Water pours from the room onto the ground below.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MIKE KIMBLE'S HOUSE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (NICK walks through the hallway, his flashlight lighting his way. He turns the corner and sees WARRICK. He puts his CSI kit down.) Warrick: What up, doc? Oh, there you are. Nick: Sorry I'm late. D.A. Wanted an update on my robbery case. Warrick: Oh, it's all good. I'm just starting my walk-through. Nick: The desk is crispy. Warrick: There's a burn pattern for you. Fire burns upward. This is moving downward. Nick: Defies the laws of physics. Fire's drawn to fire. Well, you know what we gotta do. Warrick: Check out the upstairs? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. -- UPSTAIRS - CONTINUOUS] Nick: The guy who started the fire wanted to make sure the bedroom got it worse. Warrick: How do you know it's a guy? Why are you jumping the gun? Nick: Well, according to Sara, 94% of all arsonists are male. Warrick: Yeah, that sounds like Sara. Nick: The fire burned longest here. Warrick: It's the point of origin. Nick: Yeah, right here. (WARRICK leans in and sniffs.) Warrick: I don't smell any accelerant. Nick: Could have burned off. Fabric would have fueled it. Warrick: I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. A fire burning downward? (Flash to white. CGI POV of fire burning near vent. Camera moves toward the vent and through the vent. Camera cut to inside the vent where the fire quickly moves up the vent and to the second floor where it starts up again by burning the desk. Flash to white. More fire flames getting larger and larger.) Nick: (V.O.) Yeah, unless it was chasing after an accelerant. Warrick: (V.O.) Furniture polish. (Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume on NICK.) Nick: Warrick ... is that blood? (NICK casts the light of his flashlight at WARRICK'S feet. WARRICK looks down, steps off of the carpet and lifts it up to reveal a large blood stain.) Warrick: Oh, man. Something bad happened here. Nick: This fire is just a cover up. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT./INT. JANE BRADLEY'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (CATHERINE and BRASS ring the doorbell. JODY BRADLEY opens the door. She's on the phone.) Jody (giggling): (to phone) Are you serious? Hold on a second. (to BRASS) Hi. Brass: I'm Detective Jim Brass. Is Jane Bradley in? Jody Bradley: She's in the kitchen. (to the phone) Really? No way. (She holds the door open. CATHERINE and BRASS enter the house.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JANE BRADLEY'S RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - NIGHT] (Camera close up on several pictures of MIKE KIMBLE with the BRADLEY family.) Jane Bradley: (o.s.) This can't be happening. Mike is dead? I don't know how I'm going to tell my kids. They love Mike. Catherine: You and Mike were engaged? Jane Bradley: The wedding was supposed to be in a week at the Tangiers. (JAKE BRADLEY enters the kitchen. He has earphones on and walks straight for the refrigerator. He opens the door.) Jane Bradley: No sweets after ten. What's the rule? Jake Bradley: Oh, come on, mom, I'm starving. (JANE BRADLEY takes the sweets out of her son's hand and replaces it with an apple.) Jane Bradley: Have an apple. (He groans and walks out of the kitchen.) Jane Bradley: He's growing like a weed. Brass: What was your fianc 's business? Jane Bradley: He was a photographer. He did weddings, events. We argued over who'd do our wedding because he didn't trust anyone else's work. (In the background a door opens and closes. RUSS BRADLEY enters.) Russ Bradley: Hi. Jane Bradley: How many times have I said you have to knock? You can't just barge in this house. Russ Bradley: Maybe as many times as I've asked you to have the kids ready and out front on my nights? Brass: You must be the ex-husband. Russ Bradley: What's going on? Are the kids all right? Is Jake in some kind of trouble? Jane Bradley: No. Brass: Mike Kimble was killed tonight. Russ Bradley: Are you serious? Catherine: Would you mind showing us your hands? Russ Bradley: My hands? Why? Catherine: To see if there's any gun powder or evidence of a burn on them. Russ Bradley: Sure. (holds out his hands for CATHERINE) Look, uh, I don't want to be rude, but ... I stop paying alimony the day Mike and Jane get married. I mean, I'm the last person who would have killed him. Brass: If we wanted to get in touch with you, how would we reach you? Russ Bradley: You can reach me at any of my four grocery stores. Any time. (RUSS BRADLEY pulls out a business card from his wallet and gives it to BRASS.) Brass: We'll be in touch. Russ Bradley: I'm going to get the kids, if that's all right. Jane Bradley: They're in the den. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MIKE KIMBALL'S HOUSE - NIGHT] (Water drips from the ceiling. NICK is crouched low with a machine in his hands. The machine beeps steadily. GRISSOM enters the room from the hallway just as the machine starts to beep rapidly.) Grissom: Accelerant. (NICK looks up.) Nick: Hey. Yeah, Warrick said the fire was orange so low-temperature fuel. Something accessible ... gasoline, kerosene ... I thought you were at the post. Grissom: I was. Nick: So, anyway, this is where the fire started. Victim's bedroom. (GRISSOM starts looking around. NICK stands and starts looking around as well. GRISSOM moves off into another room. NICK glances at a burnt photograph in a frame.) (GRISSOM finds a room that was not burned by the fire. He examines the items that wasn't burned. NICK catches up with GRISSOM and follows.) (GRISSOM pans the room with photographer equipment in it. Something catches his eye. A photograph in a frame of MIKE KIMBLE and the BRADLEYS holding a sign: "Mike: Welcome to the Family". The same sign in propped up on the file behind the picture frame.) (GRISSOM moves in for a closer examination of the picture. He frowns. NICK enters the room.) Nick: Grissom ... Gris ... Grissom: Sometimes, it's about where the fire isn't. (GRISSOM removes the photo out of its frame. Behind the photo is a picture of JODY BRADLEY. Two photographs of her in suggestive poses, and a third with her naked back to the camera and looking over her shoulder. GRISSOM holds the photo comparatively to the family photograph where we can see that it's definitely JODY BRADLEY, the daughter, and not JANE BRADLEY, the fianc e.) (Both GRISSOM and NICK are grim at the find and its implications.) Nick: (quietly) Sometimes, I hate this job. CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY OUTSIDE BRASS' OFFICE] (JODY BRADLEY is sitting on the waiting bench outside the interrogation room, her knees hugged close to her chest. An officer stands nearby. JANE BRADLEY watches her through the glass wall from inside the interrogation room.) CAMERA PANS TO: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - CONTINUOUS] Catherine: (o.s.) We have evidence that Mike may have had an inappropriate relationship with your daughter. Jane Bradley: What kind of evidence? (JANE BRADLEY turns around and walks back to face BRASS and CATHERINE.) Brass: (o.s.) Photographic and definitive. Jane Bradley: That the man I was going to marry somehow sexually ... no, I don't believe that. Catherine: Things like this happen sometimes right under our noses. We're going to have to talk with your daughter. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Catherine: Jody, we found pictures in Mike's house of you posing. Jane Bradley: Tell her Mike would never do anything to hurt you. Catherine: In some of the pictures ... Jane Bradley: (interrupting) He truly was like a father to both kids. Jody Bradley: (to her mom) I wish you would just listen once. Catherine: In some of the pictures you're wearing a bathing suit. Do you remember Mike taking them? (JODY BRADLEY looks at CATHERINE.) (Quick flashback of camera flashes of JODY wearing a shirt and turning around; JODY taking the shirt off her shoulders; and three camera flashes of JODY close up. Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (JODY BRADLEY shakes her head, no.) Catherine: Jody ... anything that he did to you was not your fault. You can tell me if Mike took those pictures. Jane Bradley: Jody? Honey? Jody Bradley: I loved Mike and he loved me. (CATHERINE leaves the room. BRASS is waiting just outside where he was watching through the glass. CATHERINE closes the door.) Catherine: The daughter clammed up. Seems to be in the protect-the-abuser trap. I'm going to take her over to the hospital for a SART exam. Brass: What are the chances mom knew what her boyfriend was up to? Catherine: I've seen it happen. As a mother, I hope not. Brass: Yeah, right. I'm going to look into it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (Camera close up of the computer screen with the JODY BRADLEY photo. WARRICK is working on it. NICK enters the room carrying a bagged camera.) Nick: Well, our photo guys tell me those pictures were taken with Mike Kimble's type of camera. (NICK puts the bagged camera down on the table.) Warrick: Yeah? Nick: Yeah. What are you doing here? Warrick: A thousand points of light and I only need one to clear up this picture. The blur equals the length of the light. (NICK moves closer to the screen to get a better look.) (The computer screen shows the numbers for "CALCULATING REFRACTION - POINTS" change rapidly ... ) (Close up of a fuzzy JODY BRADLEY with the following on screen: [LUMENS/BLUR RATIO: 20.5558% REDUCING BLUR ] ) (which changes to ... ) [LUMENS/BLUR RATIO: 34.783% REDUCING BLUR ] (Extreme close up of an unfocused JODY BRADLEY being focused.) Warrick: If I can compress this light back into a point then the rest of the picture gets clear. That's how they got Hinkley's image when he was shooting the prez. Nick: What is that? There at the bottom right corner? Is that a finger? Warrick: Yeah, I think so. Nick: Well, that's unusual, isn't it? A professional photographer gets a finger in the shot? Warrick: Maybe his good hand was otherwise engaged. I'm going to work on that for a while and see if I can get some ridge detail. Maybe even a fat print. Nick: I'll ... I'll see you later. (NICK leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Camera focused on a chunk of raw meat covered with flies under a net. GRISSOM is peering at the experiment though a magnifying glass. SARA walks in.) Sara: So, this is your experiment, huh? So, because you found beef in the wound tracts of the victim, you think the meat might be from one of the body farm cows? Grissom: Did the fly find the beef in the wound and lay its eggs or did it bring the beef with him? Sara: I did an experiment similar to this in San Francisco except the cross-contamination was blood. Wasn't a murder case, but it was instructional. (GRISSOM straightens and puts the magnifying glass down.) Grissom: None of these beef particles are as big as the tissue found in Mike Kimble's wound tract. And I found out the ex-husband is the proud owner of a registered handgun. Sara: Hmm, what does that mean? Grissom: It means I need to see that gun. (GRISSOM heads toward the door to leave. SARA stops him.) Sara: Uh, Grissom ... aren't you going to tell me anything? Grissom: About? Sara: The case, the meat, what you found ...? Grissom: I'm working it. Sara: I thought I was working it with you. Grissom: Yes. You're right, you are. So, take some photos of the experiment for the D.A. And then ... uh ... get rid of that stuff. (GRISSOM turns to leave. SARA stops him again.) Sara: That meat... the raw meat... me? Grissom: Yeah. Sara: How many meals have we shared together? Grissom: I don't know. Sara: Take a guess -- over a year working together. Grissom: Thirty. Sara: I'm a vegetarian. Everyone here knows I'm a vegetarian. I haven't eaten meat since we stayed up that night with that dead pig. It pains me to see ground beef; forget about cleaning it up. Grissom: Okay. Have Nick do it. (GRISSOM leaves. SARA seems ... extremely disappointed with the exchange.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY] Russ Bradley: You're telling me this b*st*rd took pictures of my daughter? Brass: Yes, we found them at his house. Russ Bradley: I never liked the way he looked at Jody. I've never liked it. Brass: How did he look at her? Russ Bradley: Touchy-feely. (Quick flashback to MIKE KIMBLE standing with JODY BRADLEY, his hand caressing her cheek. Flash to white. RUSS BRADLEY noticing the caress. End of flashback.) Russ Bradley: It wasn't normal. I told Jane when she started seeing him he's not a good guy. He's not good for our family. But you can't control who your ex-wife dates. (GRISSOM turns the corner and approaches the men at the counter.) Brass: Russ Bradley, Gil Grissom, CSI lab. Grissom: Thanks for coming in. (They shake hands.) Is this your gun? Russ Bradley: Yes. Grissom: May I take a look at it? Russ Bradley: Please. (GRISSOM puts on his glasses and picks up the gun to examine it.) Grissom: It's been cleaned. Russ Bradley: Of course. You never, never store a dirty firearm. Grissom: May I ask what kind of ammunition you use? Russ Bradley: A .38 special. It takes .38s. (GRISSOM exchanges a look with BRASS.) Russ Bradley: (amends) Whatever's on sale. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (SARA'S writing something and doesn't stop when WARRICK walks in.) Warrick: There you are. I got something for you from trace. (SARA doesn't look up from what she's doing. Neither does she respond.) Warrick: Sara? Sara: Almost finished. (WARRICK starts to get curious at what SARA'S doing and turns his head to look at what she's writing. SARA notices and quickly stops writing. WARRICK looks up at SARA.) Warrick: They isolated the accelerant used in the fire. It's alcohol based. Sara: Acetone, methyl methacrylate? Nail polish remover. Warrick: Guess that's the six percent no one talks about. Female fire starters. (WARRICK leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - EXAMINATION ROOM] (The doctor is starting her exam on JODY BRADLEY. CATHERINE stands nearby.) Doctor: What's this... a burn? Jody Bradley: Yeah. Doctor: How'd that happen? Jody Bradley: On a curling iron. (Quick flashback to JODY BRADLEY standing in front of a mirror using a curling iron on her hair. Cut to her accidentally burning herself with the iron. Flash to white. Resume on JODY BRADLEY.) (Camera cut to CATHERINE.) (Quick Scenario POV of liquid being poured over a bed. JODY BRADLEY holding what looks like a nail polish remover bottle. Cut to JODY BRADLEY with a lighter. Flash to white. End of scenario POV. Resume on JODY BRADLEY.) Doctor: I'll give you a prescription for antibiotics. Let's do the last portion of your exam now, okay? Doctor (cont.): (to CATHERINE) Excuse me. (The DOCTOR closes the curtain. CATHERINE takes a few steps to the right so that she can see JODY BRADLEY'S face. Through the curtain, we see them preparing for the pelvic examination.) Doctor: Okay, lay back. Scoot back a little more. Just a little more. Very good. Take a deep breath. This won't hurt at all. (Camera holds on JODY BRADLEY.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Camera close up of the bullet casing. GRISSOM separates the casing and puts it down. He reaches for his drink. He takes a sip and makes a face. It tastes funny. He puts his glass down and looks back at the bullet he's holding. He glances down at his glass and notices the ice. He makes a connection.) Grissom: It's melting. (Flash to white.) (Quick CGI POV of hand holding gun and squeezing trigger. Sound of gun firing. Camera close up of hammer cocking back and extreme close up of hammer hitting the 38 SPL bullet. Quick FX to bullet firing through the barrel of the gun and penetrating through the skin with bits of flesh splattering out. Bullet continues its path through the body. Cut to inside view of the body where bits and pieces of bone, bullet and ice break up inside the body where some pieces embed themselves to the nearest organ and melt. Flash to white. (End of CGI POV. Resume to present. Camera on GRISSOM.) (GRISSOM continues to stare at the ice swirling around in his glass. He's putting it all together and comes up with something highly improbable, but not impossible. GRISSOM looks at the bullet. Camera refocuses on the bullet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM] (Close up of ground beef wrapped in white butchers' paper.) (Cut to GRISSOM unrolling the ground beef.) (Cut to piece of beef being cut and forced into a mold. GRISSOM is making molds of bullets using ground beef. He's doing this in the break room.) (He opens the refrigerator door intending to put the experiment in there. CATHERINE walks in.) Catherine: Sara's not going to be too happy with that experiment in the fridge. Grissom: I'm putting it in the freezer. (CATHERINE grimaces as GRISSOM doesn't catch the hint. She sighs.) Catherine: The doctor finished the exam on Jody Bradley. Physical findings: Scarring, chronic sexual abuse. (GRISSOM Sighs.) Grissom: Well, have Brass get a warrant for the mother's house. Check the evidence we recovered from the dead boyfriend's house. They stayed in both places. Catherine: Listen, there's a good chance the daughter's our arsonist. She had second-degree burns on her wrist. Grissom: One thing at a time. Catherine: Right. You coming with? Grissom: I can't. Take Nick. Catherine: Right. Experiment. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JANE BRADLEY'S HOUSE -- NIGHT] (Camera close up of JANE BRADLEY holding a Bench Warrant. NICK and CATHERINE enter her home. She watches as they walk by her. She doesn't say anything.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Using an ALS, CATHERINE looks for body fluids in JODY BRADLEY'S bedroom, specifically on the bed as she moves the bed covers away from the sheets. She checks under the pillows.) [SCENE_BREAK] (NICK is in the utility room going through the laundry in the laundry baskets by the washing machine. He, too, is looking for body fluids with an ALS.) [SCENE_BREAK] (CATHERINE in JODY BRADLEY'S closet, going through the clothes on the hangers ... still looking for body fluids.) CUT TO (NICK walking into the bathroom. He scans the counter top and puts his CSI kit on the counter. NICK opens the laundry basket intending to go through the laundry. On the top of the laundry basket, he immediately sees something on JODY'S nightgown.) (CATHERINE walks in.) Catherine: That's the girl's nightgown. (CATHERINE sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JANE BRADLEY'S HOUSE - DOWNSTAIRS] (CATHERINE and NICK are on their way out. NICK is on the phone. CATHERINE opens the door and NICK walks outside.) Nick: (on phone) We've got some samples coming in. They're priority one. Jane Bradley: What is that ... what did you find? Catherine: Child Services will be remanding Jody to a foster home. Jane Bradley: Was my fianc involved in any way? (BRASS appears in the doorway.) Brass: He's not your fianc . Not anymore, anyway. Catherine: Jim? Brass: I just got back from the events office at the Tangiers where you and Mike were supposed to be married. You canceled your wedding five days ago. I even have your credit card receipt for the ten percent cancellation charge. You didn't like the way he looked at your daughter any more than your ex did. Jane Bradley: No. I just got cold feet. Catherine: Convenient timing. Jane Bradley: Look, when Russ and I got married 20 years ago you couldn't find two happier people and now we can barely stand to be civil. I didn't want to make another mistake. Catherine: It wasn't that you 'sensed' what was going on? Jane Bradley: Mike would not do what he's being accused of. Believe me. Catherine: I'll believe the DNA. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] Greg: Kind of feels like blackjack, you know? You guys all fanned around the table, holding your breath waiting to see which card I'll reveal next. Warrick: Greg, this is an abuse case involving a minor. Greg: Right. Sorry. So, I have DNA samples from every male that lives with Jody Bradley full-time or weekends. First, I have Mike Kimble, the fianc . Dead fianc . (He holds up the results for everyone to read.) Brass: "Match not found." You got to be kidding me. Greg: Sorry, Captain. Brass: The guy has naked pictures of her in his townhouse. The mother called off their wedding. Greg: DNA takes a pair. Catherine: So, whose is it, the father? (Again, GREG holds up the results.) Grissom: "Match not found." Greg: Third and last. (He holds up the test results. NICK sighs and grabs the sheet.) Nick: Give me that. (He glances down at the sheet. So do BRASS and GRISSOM.) Nick: How'd we miss that? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Jake Bradley: No. No, I never did anything like that to my sister, no. (JANE and RUSS BRADLEY watch.) Brass: How do you explain your semen on her nightgown? Jake Bradley: I can't ... I can't. Brass: The county automatically provides your son with an advocate. We can't proceed until he arrives. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (WARRICK continues working on isolating the thumbprint on the photo. GRISSOM walks in.) Grissom: You getting anywhere with the print? Warrick: I'm still trying to enhance it. It's kind of frustrating, that, uh this picture puts us at the very moment of the crime but we can't see what she's seeing. Grissom: They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Warrick: Yeah, my grandma used to say that all the time. Grissom: In a way, it's true. The aqueous fluid and the vitreous in the human eye allows for an image to be reflected in it. Warrick: Well, maybe ... if I enhanced the reflection in her eye with the right combination of algorithms ... Grissom: I think my popsicles are ready. (GRISSOM leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Brass: Jake, did you take pictures of your sister and plant them in Mike Kimble's house? Jake Bradley: No. Brass: You do have keys to his house, though. Right? I mean, your mother told us that both you kids do. Jake Bradley: Yes, but I didn't plant anything. Child Advocate: He didn't take the pictures. He didn't plant them. He has no idea how his DNA got in his sister's nightgown. Brass: Well, maybe a little hobbit put it there. (JAKE BRADLEY stares back at BRASS ... scared.) Child Advocate: That's it, we're done. Nick: All right, hold on. You mind if I talk to Jake alone? Child Advocate: To what end? Nick: I have a hunch. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- BENCH JUST OUTSIDE INTERROGATION ROOM] Nick: Everyone does it, Jake. You just ... feel like you're the only one. Then when you don't do it, it happens in your sleep anyway, right? Yeah. And then you go to take a leak, dust off the equipment and just grab the first thing that's handy, huh? Jake Bradley: (embarrassed) It was just... on the hamper. Nick: Your sister's nightgown? (They both laugh softly.) Jake Bradley: The next thing I know, I'm getting, like ... questioned by the police and my parents are looking at me like I'm some sort of ... pervert. Nick: Yeah, that's rough. Rough. Well, listen, in the future, dude ... even if the situation's embarrassing, the truth's probably the best policy there. Jake Bradley: Yeah. Nick: Hey, listen, you ever notice your mom's boyfriend acting weird around your sister? Like a little, uh ... too friendly, too forward? Jake Bradley: (thinks about it) Mmm, no. No, I mean, my sister is the one that's kind of weird. Nick: Really? Jake Bradley: Yeah. Nick: How? Jake Bradley: She's just always just, you know, "Mike's coming over. I can't wait till Mike gets here." Nick: Mm. Mm-hmm. You like the guy? Jake Bradley: When, uh, my parents were getting divorced my mom, she cried, like, every day and, uh, Mike showed up and she stopped crying so ... yeah. I guess. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB] (GRISSOM puts the frozen meat cap in the bullet casing. ROBBINS enters the room and leans in close to see what GRISSOM'S doing.) Grissom: What are you doing here? Isn't this your day off? Robbins: On the day you plan to expend a meat bullet? Ahh ... a frozen meat bullet? Grissom: Yeah, I had to freeze it with a touch of liquid nitrogen. Robbins: Well, I'm ready to watch history. (GRISSOM loads the frozen meat bullet into the hand gun. They both put on their ear gear and GRISSOM fires the gun. ROBBINS steps up to examine the results.) Robbins: Bullet-like entry wound. (Flash to white. Same Quick CGI POV of hand holding gun and squeezing trigger. Sound of gun firing. Camera close up of hammer cocking back and extreme close up of hammer hitting the 38 SPL bullet. Quick FX to bullet firing through the barrel of the gun and penetrating through the skin with bits of flesh splattering out. Bullet continues its path through the body. Cut to inside view of the body where bits and pieces of bone, bullet and meat break up inside the body where pieces themselves to the nearest organ. Flash to white. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Robbins: (V.O.) The meat disintegrates. Lost in the soft tissue. Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Brass: You're quite a marksman, Russ ... and inventive. You managed to build a bullet made of meat. Grissom: The meat from the projectile was visually indistinguishable from the victim's stomach tissue. We know that your gun was clean but it turns out that your re-loader wasn't. Brass: Yeah. We got this from your garage on a warrant. We figured a gun enthusiast like yourself would have one of these. Packs gunpowder into used shell casings. Cheaper than buying new rounds, right? Grissom: The material that was on your re-loader is consistent with the material we found in the victim's wound tract. Ground beef. Russ Bradley: A father knows. I mean, he was giving her gifts, you know, cameras. (Quick Flashback to MIKE KIMBLE putting the camera around JODY BRADLEY'S neck. Flash to white. JODY BRADLEY jumping up and down in delight. Flash to white. MIKE and JODY standing close to each other while MIKE shows the camera to JODY. Flash to white. End of Flashback.) Grissom: He gave her a camera? Russ Bradley: And the wedding was, like, a week off and he was going to be living under the same roof as my children full-time. When I went over there you know, I was just going to set him straight, right? You know what he says? (Flashback.) Mike Kimble: Now, I can't help it if she likes me. I guess it's like mother, like daughter. Russ Bradley: You touch my little girl and I will kill you. Mike Kimble: Too late. (RUSS BRADLEY fires gun. End of Flashback.) Russ Bradley: That's when I lost it. Brass: Then you dumped him at the body farm. Your grocery chain makes regular meat deliveries there for experimental purposes. Then what? You arsoned his place to cover up the murder? (Flashback to RUSS BRADLEY at MIKE KIMBLE'S house dousing the bed with nail polish remover. Flash to white. Close up of nail polish remover pouring on floor. Flash to white. End of flashback.) Brass: (V.O.) Grabbed the nail polish remover from the bedside table poured it all over the place? Russ Bradley: I'll tell you the truth. I ... I feel relieved. I'd like to make a formal confession. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY] Grissom: He can confess to the homicide but we're still examining evidence on the arson. Brass: The guy wants to take the heat for his daughter on the arson well, where's the harm in that? Grissom: The harm would be to the justice system unless I misunderstand our place in it. Brass: Don't you think that little girl's been through enough? Grissom: What I think and what the evidence proves are possibly two different things. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (CLOSE UP OF "Las Vegas Police Department - Request for Leave of Absence" Form for Sara Sidle. GRISSOM is holding the form.) (SARA enters GRISSOM'S office.) Grissom: What is this? Sara: It's, uh, just what it says: It's a request for a leave of absence -- six months ... year, maybe. Grissom: Why? Sara: I was thinking of checking out the federal government system - FBI ... (GRISSOM snorts.) Grissom: We have the best lab in the country. Sara: I need a different work environment. Grissom: What does that mean? Sara: One with, um, communication ... respect. Grissom: Everybody here respects you. Sara: You don't. Grissom: Is this about that hamburger thing? Sara: No, Grissom ... this is not about that "Hamburger" thing. I-I-I don't believe you. How can you reduce everything that I've said to some kind of single quirk? Do you think the problem here is just about me? (GRISSOM seems surprised.) Sara: If you don't sign my leave, I'm going to have to quit. (SARA turns to leave. GRISSOM stops her.) Grissom: Hey, Sara? (She turns around.) Grissom: The Lab needs you here. Sara: Great. (SARA walks out. Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (GRISSOM enters the room. CATHERINE is holding a fake hand. She's preparing to conduct a test.) Grissom: Did you hear the dad copped a plea on the murder and the D.A. expedited it? Catherine: Voluntary man, first offense. Out on bail. Free in four. No jury was going to convict a father for killing his daughter's abuser. What do you have? Grissom: Accelerant. Identical to the type found at the arson. Police got it out of Jody's gym locker. (CATHERINE holds the hot curling iron to the wrist of the fake hand. She puts the curling iron down and compares the burn with a photograph of JODY BRADLEY'S burnt wrist.) Catherine: Looks as if Jody was probably telling the truth. She did burn herself on a curling iron. Grissom: So who started the fire? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (WARRICK continues working on the photograph. Instead of the thumbprint, he's concentrating on the eye. NICK enters the room.) Nick: Hey. Warrick: Hey. Nick: You get anywhere with those fingerprints? Warrick: Back burner. I've been working on this reflection in her eye. You see what I'm seeing? Nick: No. Warrick: Come on, man. I've been working on this enhancement all night. Look closer. Nick: What is it? A clock, a mirror? It's got a latch, a lock. A porthole? ... It's a porthole? Warrick: Yeah. These pictures were taken on a boat. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY] Warrick: Miss Bradley. Jane Bradley: Yes. Warrick: Warrick Brown. Your fianc , Mike, did he own a boat? Jane Bradley: A boat? No. Warrick: No? Did he borrow one or rent one? Jane Bradley: He wanted to borrow my ex-husband's boat but he was too proud to ask. Warrick: Your ex-husband owned a boat? Jane Bradley: He bought one after our divorce. I've never been on it. Warrick: (grimly) Okay. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RUSS BRADLEY'S BOAT -- NIGHT] (WARRICK peers into the cabin. He's holding his flashlight and carrying his CSI kit. He puts the kit down and descends into the cabin without it.) (He looks around. He sees the porthole. He snaps a couple of pictures of it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] (CATHERINE is carrying two glasses of refreshment. She puts it down on the table.) Catherine: Jody? We know that Mike gave you his camera. We suspect that your father used it to take pictures of you on his boat. (JODY looks at CATHERINE. She looks away.) Catherine: We believe that he then placed the camera back at Mike's to implicate him along with the pictures. Jody Bradley: He said I was like my mom when she was young and they were happy. He said having me was like having his family back. (CATHERINE closes her eyes for a moment.) Catherine: Did you ever tell your mom? Jody Bradley: I tried. <FLASHBACK> Jody Bradley: I don't want to go to dad's. Jane Bradley: You know what the judge said: Two weeks with dad, two with me. </FLASHBACK> Catherine: Jody, we have strong forensic evidence against your father. But cases like this are very difficult to prove. A victim testifying makes all the difference. Jody Bradley: He told me if I ever talked, he'd kill me. Catherine: Jody, if you don't talk ... Jody Bradley: I told Mike and he was going to fix things. (Quick Flashback to MIKE KIMBLE comforting an upset JODY BRADLEY. Cut to the exchange being witnessed by RUSS BRADLEY. Flash to white.) Jody Bradley: And my dad killed him ... okay? (JODY BRADLEY looks away. CATHERINE closes her eyes.) (The door opens and WARRICK enters the room. He's carrying a large paper package. CATHERINE stands and meets him at the door.) Warrick: Catherine. Catherine: What is this? (WARRICK opens the package. CATHERINE looks inside.) Warrick: Found it on the boat. DNA just ran it. She's under 14, right? Catherine: Yeah, 12. (WARRICK looks at CATHERINE. The gravity of the crime hitting them hard. WARRICK closes the package, nods his head, and exits the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Brad Gottleib(lawyer): He didn't take pictures of his daughter. He never touched her. He's a loving, devoted father who works hard at his chain of grocery stores to keep her in good schools. Grissom: Except when she's on his boat, right? (GRISSOM is holding a file folder close to his chest. He pulls out a photograph from the folder and puts it on the table. It's a piece of plaid cloth with a large, white stain on it.) Grissom: This is your sleeping bag we took off your boat. Our lab turned it inside-out. The discoloration you see is a mixture of vaginal and seminal fluid ... your daughter's and yours. Russ Bradley: Okay. Brad Gottleib: Don't say a word, Russ. Brass: He doesn't have to. The sleeping bag's talking loud and clear. Russ Bradley: Brad, make me a deal. Brad Gottleib: I can't. Russ Bradley: What do you mean you can't? You got me four years for murder. Brad Gottleib: I can't. Russ Bradley: (insisting) You can get me something. Grissom: (interrupting) No, he can't. In the State of Nevada, we're all bound by a legal statute. The sexual assault of a minor age 14 and under is a mandatory life sentence with no possibility for parole. [SCENE_BREAK] (Through the glass, we see RUSS BRADLEY in handcuffs and being taken away by an officer.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY] (CATHERINE walks down the hallway. JANE BRADLEY and JODY BRADLEY are walking toward her on their way out.) Catherine: Excuse me. Could I talk to you for a moment? Jane Bradley: Why don't you wait over there, sweetie. Jody Bradley: Okay. (JODY BRADLEY leaves CATHERINE and JANE BRADLEY alone.) Catherine: I owe you an apology. I have an eight-year-old daughter. Jane Bradley: It's okay. You were looking out for mine. (JANE BRADLEY leaves. CATHERINE turns around to watch mother and daughter, hand-in-hand, walk out of the hallway.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GRISSOM'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT] Grissom: (o.s.) Tough case, huh? (CATHERINE pours herself a drink and sighs.) Catherine: Just give me a straight-ahead murder any day. Grissom: Well, you wouldn't be human if it didn't affect you. (GRISSOM is busy cutting something on a small cutting board.) Catherine: I heard about you and ... uh ... Sara. Grissom: (brushes it off) Sara, you know, she gets very emotional ... (CATHERINE shakes her head.) Catherine: Are you in denial? No, that's ... no, no ... way too analytical. Wow, you got burned bad, huh? Welcome to the club. I got third-degree burns from my marriage. Happens to everybody. Everybody just moves on. Grissom: Good. Let's move on. (CATHERINE'S not one to be put off. She tries again.) Catherine: But you have to deal with it. You have to deal with it first. You got to deal with it before it goes away. You are the supervisor. You have responsibilities, and people are making a family around you whether you like it not, whether you give them permission or not. We don't have to go to the Grand Tetons together, just ... every now and then you got to lift your head up out of that microscope. (GRISSOM nods thoughtfully at CATHERINE.) Grissom: Yeah. (CATHERINE watches GRISSOM as he absently wipes his hands clean on the blue dish rag. She smiles and seems satisfied that he's finally getting it. She moves to the living room where she takes a sip of her drink and looks out of the window. Her back is turned to him ... allowing him some privacy.) (GRISSOM glances over at CATHERINE. CATHERINE looks back at GRISSOM and smiles.) (GRISSOM puts the dish rag down and reaches for his little black address book. He sighs. He leafs through it and picks up the phone when he finds the number he's looking for.) (CATHERINE looks out of the window, her back to GRISSOM.) (GRISSOM dials the phone.) Grissom: (awkwardly on phone) Yeah, hi. I-I-I'd like to get some flowers for a girl. No, no. Not flowers. A plant. A living plant. She likes vegetation. (CATHERINE sits down on the sofa. She smiles and takes a sip from her glass.) Grissom: Yeah, that'd be fine. To a Sara Sidle. Deliver it at the CSI division, Las Vegas Police Department the one out on North Trop Boulevard. Yeah, you can bill me at the same place. Gil Grissom. (pause) The sentiment? Oh-oh, on the card. Yeah. Um, uh ... have it say ... have it say, uh ... "From Grissom." (He nods his head, satisfied.) Grissom: (on phone) Thank you.

Grissom investigates the murder of a Las Vegas photographer whose remains were dumped at a nearby body farm where CSIs routinely study corpses, and his findings reveal that the man was apparently shot to death even though there are no bullet fragments in the body. Also, Grissom's leadership is questioned by some members of his staff.

fd_The_Office_03x24-25

fd_The_Office_03x24-25_0

Michael: [at Dunder-Mifflin Corporate in NY] David! David: [confused] Oh, Michael? Michael: Are we all set? David: Isn't our interview tomorrow? Michael: Yes. I just happened to be in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop in and say hello. David: You happened to be in mid-town Mahattan? Michael: Thought I'd catch a show. David: In the middle of a work day? Michael: Naaah. You know what? Since I'm here, let me ask you a few questions about the job. David: Okay. Michael: Um, how many people are you interviewing? David: We're only interviewing the branch managers and some other upper level company people. Michael: Ah, well, good. Out of curiosity are you interviewing anyone who has been here longer than I have, or manages more people? David: I don't think so. Michael: Great. One more... question. When you merged those branches who did you put in charge? David: I believe we put you in charge. Michael: Ah, great. No further questions. David: Okay, Michael. Michael: Okay. David: I'm really looking forward to our interview. Michael: And I'm really looking forward to working with you. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I got it made in the shade. I know this company. The other branch managers are total morons. [on cell phone] Hey, Pam yeah, I forgot what day the interview was and I drove to New York accidentially. I'll be like three hours late. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [Jim walk through the door sporting an obvious new haircut] Hey. Jim: Hey, Kev. Kevin: What's different about you? You look worse. Jim: Thank you. Meredith: You got a haircut. It's sexy, hot. Jim: Ohhh... Meredith: Turn around. Jim: No. Meredith: Yes. Jim: No way. Meredith: Do it! Andy: Blup-dup-do. What's up, Big Haircut? You are no longer Big Tuna. From henceforth, you shall be known as Big Haircut. Jim: [exhales loudly] Andy... Andy: What is it, Big Haircut? Jim: Nothing. Andy: Sorry, I can't hear you Big Haircut. Jim: Yup. Andy: What? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Karen suggested that I get a haircut for the interview tomorrow so that I could look presentable and not, as she so lovingly puts it, homeless. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey. I think it looks great. Jim: Thanks, Pam. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: After I had my little outburst at the beach, Jim was really nice about it. He just basically said that he missed my friendship too and I would always mean a lot to him and I understand where he's coming from. For the record, I am not embarassed at all. It needed to be said, and I said it, and it only took me three years to summons the courage, so [quietly, and mock bowing] thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [knock on door] Yeah. Dwight: You wanted to see me? Michael: Yes, the time has come to name my own replacement. So please hand this letter of congratulations to Dwight K. Schrute. Dwight: But that's my name. [opens letter and reads] Dwight, congratuations a-wipe. Don't screw the pooch. [begins to cry] Thank you. Michael: Okay. Uh... Dwight: [cries harder] Thank you, Michael. Michael: Uh, okay. Dwight: [sobbing, holding letter to chest] Thank you so much. Michael: Stop crying. Dwight: [sobbing] Thank you. Michael: Ohhhhh... [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey. Karen: Hey. Pam: Um, about the beach... Karen: It's okay, we all say things without thinking. Pam: Oh, no it's not that, I've actually been thinking that for a long time, and I'm glad I said it. I just... I'm sorry if it made you feel weird. Karen: [confused] Oh. Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Pam is... kind of a bitch. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Hey, what if we leave tonight? Grab a bite, get a hotel room, enjoy the city a little bit. Jim: Ahhh... just have so much paperwork to do. [exhales] Wow. Done. Okay, let's do it. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So I was wondering if Karen and I could get off a few hours early 'cause we want to spend the night in the city. Michael: Why so you can do it? Karen: [looks annoyed] Jim: Whoops. Michael: No, um, well I was thinking that uh, actually we could all leave tomorrow and do a convoy you know? Convoys are really fun. Pull up next to each other, give each other the finger... Jim: Hmmm. Karen: Heh. Michael: Moon each other. Jim: Ah, we're gonna go tonight, but we're gonna see you there tomorrow morning, right? Michael: All right. Jim: All right. Michael: Your loss. Karen: Wait, how would you moon us if you were driving? Michael: Cruise control. Karen: Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: So Jim, who do you think is hotter? Pam or Karen? Jim: Yeah, I'm not going to talk about this now. Kevin: Pam is taller. Jim: You sure? Kevin: Yes. She has bigger breasts, too. Jim: Wow. Kevin: I think Karen has a prettier face. Jim: Uh, hmm. [thinking] Uh, hmm. What else? Kevin: Well I mean Pam's face is really pretty too. It's a very tough call. Jim: Hm. Really tough call. Kevin: Yeah. Jim: You know what? Why don't you take the rest of the day, figure it out and then come back and tell me what you got. Kevin: Will do. Jim: All right. [smiles] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Hey, Pam I've been meaning to say something to you. I really miss our friendship. [group laughs] Pam: Wow, very funny. Stanley: I've never heard you talk that much. I thought it was Kelly. Kelly: Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense, Pam. Pam: [smiles] Meredith: You know what? Don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said. Creed: I remember. I blogged the whole thing. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts. Check it out. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Last year Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the intranet it's... pretty shocking. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: There they are, the Accounting Department. I shall miss your humility and your promptly printed checks. Kevin: Do you think it's gonna to be weird working with Jan in New York? Michael: No. Not at all. I haven't talked to Jan since we broke up, and I think if she had something to say she would have called me. Oscar: Maybe you should talk to her? Before... Michael: No, no, no. You know what? It's a done deal. I basically have the job already. There's nothing she can do to stop it now. I already sold my condo. Oscar: Michael... Kevin: What? Angela: Why? Oscar: I'm sorry, that just doesn't make sense. Michael: Yes, I... Angela: Wha? Who gave you that advice? Kevin: Yeah, Michael you should never sell your condo... Michael: I have to buy another place. Angela: But you said you were in debt. [crosstalk] Oscar: You're not sure that you have the job. Michael: I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated, as was I. It went for eighty percent of what I paid. Sold in record time. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: How would you like to spend the night with the Regional Manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton? Angela: No Dwight, I don't care if that is how they consolidated power in ancient Rome. Dwight: No, no, not Michael. [whispers] Me. I'm taking his job. Angela: [smiles] Not now. [Dwight leaves] Goodbye, Kelly Kapoor. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [squeezing hand grips] Jim, Jim, Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. Jim: Oh hey, Dwight. Dwight: I am gonna be your new boss. [laughs] It's my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time is now. Check out time is never. Jim: Does my room have cable? Dwight: No. And the sheets are made of fire. Jim: Can I change rooms? Dwight: Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town. Jim: Can I have a late checkout? Dwight: I'll have to talk to the manager. Jim: You're not the manager even in your own fantasy? Dwight: I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan! Jim: Okay, just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy you are in Hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil? Dwight: Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet. Jim: Go. Dwight: Eighty thousand dollars a year. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Once I'm officially Regional Manager my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [signing interview sheet] I will see you at the inter-view. Dwight: Yes you will. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Who is D. Abramson? Pam: He's from that company in Pitts... Jan: [walks through front door] Michael. Michael: Why... are you here? Jan: Uh, how are you? Michael: I'm good. How are you, Janet? It's good to see you. Jan: I'm great. Uh, can we, can we talk... privately... for a minute? Michael: Why privately? Jan: I just, [quietly] I uh... I don't uh... I, I don't, I don't like the way that we left things. Michael: Okay, sure, fine. Um, why don't you wait in my office. I have some important business matters to take care of. Jan: Okay. Michael: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Pam, Defcon ten. Houston, we have a problem. Pam: What do you want me to do? Michael: Uh, I may need some immediate assistance. If you would slowly and quietly gather the ladies in the conference room. Phyllis, Angela, Karen. Pam: What about Meredith? Michael: No. She's an alternate. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So, how you been? Jan: Been good. Michael: Good. Jan: Good. Michael: Yeah. Jan: Sorry to drop by unexpectedly. I uh, I tried calling, but I kept getting voice mail. Michael: Weird. Yeah, I didn't get both of your messages. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: So, um, Michael needs us in the conference room. Karen: 'Cause of Jan again? Karen: Hey, uh, before I leave tonight, would you mind making a half a dozen copies of Jim's and my sales reports for our interviews tomorrow? Pam: Uh, sure. Karen: Thanks. Pam: I really hope you get the job. Karen: Thanks. [looks suspicious] [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: After you ended... everything with us, I went on a vacation. Michael: Hmm. Jan: To kinda clear my mind. Michael: Sound good. Sounds fun. Jan: It was. Yeah, it was good. [laughs] I think I'll just get right to the point, you know? Um, I, I feel good about myself for the first time in a really long time. Michael: Hmm.. Jan: I've made some big changes in my life and... I miss you. I want us to get back together. Michael: Would you excuse me for a second? Jan: Ohh... [Michael leaves and walks into conference room] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Defcon twenty. She wants to get back together. Phyllis: What are you gonna do? Michael: I don't know, that's why you're here, help me. Please... Karen: Do you want to get back together with her? Michael: No, no. What do I do? Pam: Just don't get back together with her. Michael: What if she makes me? Angela: How can she make you get back together with her? Michael: She made me do a lot of things I didn't wanna do. Pam: This was a terrible relationship. You were not happy when you were with her. Michael: I wasn't. Pam: You're so much happier now. Just go in there and be strong. Michael: You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm gonna go in there and tell her that we can't be together. Pam: Right. Michael: Wow. Karen: Do it. Michael: I'm in a very good place right now. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [walks back into office with Jan] Okay. [clears throat] Jan, we need to talk. [Jan turns revealing that she has had her breasts enlarged] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Jan is in a different place right now, and it is a sign of maturity to give people second chances. So I am going to hear her out. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh my God. [mouths to Jim] Huge! Jim: Yeah, bigger actually. Pam: [whispers] That's crazy! Jim: Mm-hm. Pam: [mouths] Wow! Karen: [moves to block Jim from Pam's eyeline] Oh my God. Can you believe that? Jim: Unbelievable. Karen: Wow! Jim: She could put the cup right there. Karen: I know! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: No, it's fine. I'm sure it must have been weird for Jim when Roy and I were joking around... that one time. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: I love fake boobs. Often times, you find them on strippers. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: So... [exhales] there are a lot of things that I would like to do differently. Michael: Yeah. Jan: I feel like, when we first got together, that I had a problem with my priorities. Michael: First got priorities. Jan: And if we could talk about a way to approach a possible reconciliation... Michael: Let's get back together. [Jan smiles and laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: No. No, no, no, no. I'll tell you this, it is not because of the boob job. Excuse me, boob enhancement. That would be shallow. And this is the opposite of shallow. This is... emotionally magnificent. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Okay, everyone, listen up! [claps] Time to begin the interview process! [looks at sign-up sheet, only contains Andy's name] Andrew Bernard. Andy: Saving the best for first! Karen: All right, you guys. See you later, wish us luck! Dwight: No! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Do not wish them luck. Do not wish them luck. All luck must be wished unto Michael. Oscar: Good luck, you guys! [everyone wishes them luck] Dwight: What did I say!? Pam: [to Jim] Good luck. Jim: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm happy for him. I hope he gets the job. I really just want him to be happy. And I know that sounds cliche. And I know saying it sounds cliche, sounds cliche... Maybe I'm being cliche. I don't care. Cause I am what I am. [thinks] That's Popeye. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I am going to begin this process with a simple test of intelligence and mental dexterity. What is the best color? Andy: White, because it contains all other colors. Dwight: Wrong. Black. It is the most dominant. How do you make a table? Andy: You make a chair, but you don't sit on it. Dwight: What is the capital of Maine? Andy: The capital of Maine is Montpelier, Vermont, which is near Ithaca, New York, where I went to Cornell. Dwight: Okay, also, moratorium on Cornell talk. Don't wanna hear about it. Forget your personal history, and learn the history of this company. Andy: Should not be a problem. I minored in history in the Ivy League school which I attended. Dwight: You're not off to a very good start, Bernard. Andy: I agree. But in another way, I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Andy and Dwight arm-wrestle, Andy is about to win] Time! No, you failed. Andy: Damn it! Dwight: This interview is over. I'll let you know. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: [Driving to New York] Hey, thank you so much for driving me down for my interview. Jim: Totally, no problem. What are you interviewing for, by the way, my assistant? Or... Karen: Oh, you know I'm gonna have a congratulations Karen party um, tomorrow night at my friend's house. Jim: Oh wow, that sounds like fun. Is your friend named Karen too? What did she accomplish? Karen: No, I'm sorry I should have been clearer. It's for me. Jim: Oh... Karen: 'Cause I'm going to get the job. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [holding Jan's breasts] Remarkable. Jan: Thanks. Michael: Wait, wait. Check one more time. Jan: Oh, okay. Michael: Very good [Jan nods] Jan: Well, I um, I have to get back, but I will see you in New York tomorrow, right? Michael: Yes, indeed. Jan: Good luck with your interview. [whispers] Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So, I guess we're getting back together. Pam: What happened? Michael: Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Here's the sitch. Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly. We didn't connect, I was miserable. Now, I'm in the best relationship of my life with the same woman. Love is a mystery. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: So we have all night. Where do you want to go first? Jim: Oh, I dunno, how about the U.N.? Karen: How often do you come here? Jim: Um, everytime my sixth grade class has a field trip. Karen: I think you'll really enjoy this, adult Jim. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, everybody. The next time you see me, I'll be working for corporate. Starting tomorrow, Dwight Schrute will be running the branch. So without further ado, [clicks on small tape player] I would like to start saying my goodbyes [Song: Thank You, by Natalie Merchant plays in background] Okay. Goodnight, and good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Dwight clicks off tape player] Who's ready to work? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Karen punches buttons on an ATM] Yeah, we went to the Spotted Pig for dinner. It's in the Village. Uh, Karen knew it. And then we second acted Spamalot. That's when you sneak in at intermission with all the smokers. And then we went to a bar that used to be a church. Oh and at this one bar, I swear I saw Lorne Michaels. Karen: That wasn't him. [Jim nods, mouths, yes, it was] [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: So what's going to happen to us when I get this job? Jim: Oh do you mean when I get the job? Karen: Well, if you get the job then I'd move here with you. Would you move with me? I'm not stupid. I was at the beach. We won't have a future in Scranton. There's one too many people there. Jim: You mean Kevin? Karen: Exactly. But you get it, right? Can't stay there. Jim: Yeah, I do. C'mon. [they hold hands and cross street] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [exhales] How are you guys doing? Need anything? Karen: Uh, no, we're good. Thanks. Michael: I have been here a bunch of times, so I know where everything is, know everybody's names. If you need to know somebody's name, just ask me. Jim: [points at bearded man] Who's that? Michael: That is Beardy. Jim: Beardy? Michael: Mm-hmm. Jim: I'm gonna introduce myself. Michael: No, no, no, just... that's not his real name. That's just what I call him, so... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I am by far the most qualified person they're interviewing. Jim and Karen are here, which is cute. They're like, kid actors tagging along with daddy, on the big audition, hoping to be discovered. Except daddy... is the best actor around. Daddy is Meryl Streep. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael is gone. Andy: Hail to the chief! Dwight: My first order of business: make Andrew Bernard my number two. Andy: My first order of business: accept. Dwight: As if you had a choice. [scoffs] Duh. [scoffs] Opportunity of a lifetime. [spits chew into Michael's World's Best Boss mug] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Three months ago, I was nowhere. I was just a Cornell grad, in anger management. Look where I am now. Not bad. [washing out Michael's mug] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey! Hunter! Wha's up my brutha? This is Hunter, secretary extraordinaire. Hunter: Uh, administrative assistant. Michael: Jan in yet? Hunter: I think she's comin' in... later. Michael: Could you give her a message for me, when she gets in? Hunter: Sure. Michael: Just say, "I want to squeeze them." It's code. She'll know what it means. Hunter: Okay. Michael: Oh, and Hunter? Could you tell her, [Michael shakes his head and makes the "motorboat" noise] "Brbrbrbrbr!" also? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: You showed great leadership potential at the coal walk. Even if you did follow it with that embarrassing personal confession. Pam: Thank you. Dwight: I had to make Andy my number two. It's political, complicated, you wouldn't understand. I want you... to be Assistant Regional Manager. Pam: Really? Dwight: Well, in a sense. Although, publicly I am going to retain the Assistant Regional Manager position. Pam: You will be your own assistant. Dwight: Correct, I need someone I can trust. But I would also like the title... to be secretly applied to you. Just stripped of its pomp and frills. Pam: Okay. So... you would be the Regional Manager, and the Assistant Regional Manager. Andy is your number two. I would be the Secret Assistant Regional Manager. Dwight: Mmmmmm, let's call it Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. Pam: Mm-hmm. Dwight: Do you accept? Pam: Absolutely, I do. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you to accept something secret... you reply, "Absolutely, I do." [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [knocks on door] Hello, hello! David: Michael, good to see you! Michael: Good to see you. Here are the post-merger performance stats that you asked for. David: Oh, great. I've been meaning to thank you by the way. You didn't lose a single customer during the merger, and you still managed to trim the budget? That is nice work. [Michael smiles] So, let me ask you a question right off the bat. What do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager? Michael: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard. I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job. David: Okay. And your strengths? Michael: Well, my weaknesses are actually... strengths. David: Oh. Yes. Very good. Michael: Thank you. David: Very good. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Dwight is our new boss. Oscar: Oh, Michael's not going anywhere. Pam: Then who do you think will get the job? Kevin: Karen. She looks corporate. Those little pants suits. Phyllis: I think it's gonna be Michael. Oscar: Do you really think he's qualified for that job? Phyllis: No, but he wasn't qualified for the job he has now, and he got that one. Oscar: [laughs] Mm. Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Listen up! Come to the center of the room, please. This... [holds up paper that resemles a sheet sized dollar bill with Dwight's face in the middle] is a Schrute Buck. When you have done something good, you will receive one Schrute Buck. One thousand Schrute Bucks... equals an extra five minutes for lunch. Pam: [raises hand] What is the cash value of a Schrute Buck? Dwight: Excellent question, Pam. 1/100th of a cent. Oscar: So ten thousand of your dollars is worth one real dollar? Dwight: Just... zip your lid! Another announcement. Michael wasted an enormous amount of the group's time and patience with non-work related ethnic celebrations and parades of soft-minded dogoodedness. No longer. No more meetings! Stanley: Amen. Dwight: Instead, today I will begin my first lecture in a long series of lectures designed to increase your knowledge on the world of paper. Kevin: [raises hand] Do we have to? Dwight: Yes! Michael is gone. There's a new sheriff here in these offices, and his name is "me." Conference room! Ten seconds! All of you! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I literally cannot wait to see what Dwight has planned. And I wish Jim were here. [SCENE_BREAK] David: What do you think we could be doing better? Michael: I've never been a big fan of the name Dunder Mifflin. I was thinking we could name the company something like, "Paper Great. Where great paper is our passion. We're GRRRRRRRRRREAT!" I don't know, could be good. Or, uh, "Super Duper Paper. It's super duper." I don't know, something like that. David: Okay! Michael: Okay. David: Thanks for comin' in, Michael. Michael: Thank you. David: It is always a treat when our paths cross. Michael: It is always a treat when our paths cross. So, oh! Before I forget, I wanted to let you know, if you hadn't already heard, uh, Jan and I are back together. So... I may need to fill out one of those love documents again. David: You're back together. Michael: Yes. And I am very excited about the prospect of working under her... or on top of her. [laughs] Mm, that's not sexual, just... we're all professionals. David: Okay, uh. Well, I thought it was clear in the description, the position... the job you're applying for... is Jan's job. Michael: I don't understand. So, we're gonna tag team it? David: No, we're letting Jan go. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Listen up. Let's start... from the ground up. Where does paper come from? Kevin: [at the same time as Dwight] Trees. Dwight: Trees! And where do trees grow? Kevin: [at the same time as Dwight] Forest. Dwight: Soil. Right. We have, in front of you here, seven different types of Pennsylvania top soil. Now, what would you say... is the most important element in the production of above ground leafy growth? Probably phosphorus, right? [Angela smiles, shakes her head "no"] Wrong! It's nitrogen! Absorb this information. Good! Now, let us discuss precipitation. Stanley! When rainfall occurs, does it usually fall in a liquid, solid, or gaseous... state? Stanley: Liquid. Dwight: Very good! You have earned one Schrute Buck. Stanley: I don't want it. Dwight: Then you have been deducted 50 Schrute Bucks! Stanley: Make it 100. Dwight: We--- Don't you wanna earn Schrute Bucks? Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again. Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks? Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns. Dwight: Okay--- Andy: That's it! Dwight: What--- Andy: Class is canceled, everybody out! Dwight: No wait, what are you doing?! Andy: I'm punishing them. Dwight: No, no, no, wait! Class is not canceled. Everyone: [grumbling, getting loud] Pam: HEY! COME ON! Let's listen to Dwight's presentation! [Dwight winks at Pam] Oscar: What--- What are you winking for? Dwight: Zip your lid! [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: So, that's... my basic 5 year plan. And after that, who knows? David: Okay. Uh, now, this may seem like an odd question, but... Karen: Yeah? David: ...what do you think about Michael Scott? Karen: He's a very nice man. And he's very well suited for the job he has now. David: This is off the record. Karen: He would be disaster. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Hey you! Michael: Hey. Jan: How was your interview? Michael: Pretty good. Jan: Yeah? Michael: Could have gone better I guess. Jan: Oh. [they kiss] I'll put in a good word for you. Michael: Cool. Maybe you should do it sooner rather than later. Jan: What? Michael: Daaah, let's just run away together. Let's just run away to Jamaica and live in a bungalow. You have some savings right? You could pay off my debts. It would... be fine. We'd have fun. Jan: What's... what's the matter? What... what happened in there? Michael: I can't tell you. Jan: Tell me what? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: You son of a bitch! David: Jan, this isn't the time, we're in an interview--- Jan: You're firing me? Where the hell do you get off? David: Frankly, it's overdue. Your behavior in the last two years has been completely erratic. Jan: Erratic? David: Recently, you don't even show an interest in your work! You smoke constantly in your office. You spend most of the day online shopping. You disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days. Always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale. You go to Scranton far more often than you used to--- Jan: [opens up her overcoat] Is it because of these? Michael: Wuuuoooh, hey, whoa, Jan--- Jan: No, I wanna know. I wanna know! Because if it is, then, then, then I will see you in court! David: It's not. Jan: No? David: It's not. Jan: 'Cause he likes them. [points to Michael] Okay? He likes them. And, and that is, that is all I care about. David: The time has come for you to end your professional relationship with this company. You are clearly unstable. Michael: Hey! You're unstable! Jan: Yeah! Michael: No--- We're all unstable. Jan: Okay, you know what? I'm just not leaving. I'm not leaving. Not leaving. Michael: David, I did not tell her. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: It's like staring into my soul, when I look at this wall. Dwight: It's like outerspace without the stars, it's so black. [laughs] Andy: This is gonna look so awesome! Dwight: It's so intimidating! Anyone who comes in here... is gonna have to take me seriously. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here! Andy: [laughs] Totally! [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [giving a hug] Bye Hunter. Hunter: Bye. Jan: Good luck with your band. Hunter: Oh, thank--- Jan: Don't let them change you, okay? [Jan drops several items, Michael and Hunter help pick them up, she starts to walk out the door] So long, [censored]. Michael: So, I am gonna... give her a ride home. Let me know about the job. David: Actually, Michael, I think we're gonna take it in another direction. Michael: Good, I'm glad we're on the same page. I have a lot of ideas for new directions. David: No, we're not giving you the job. Michael: You know what? That... is actually good... because, um, I don't think I could take... my girlfriend's job. That's not being a good boyfriend. So, I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. Do you accept my withdrawal? David: I do. Michael: Good. Very good. I'm glad we are finally on the same page. Still have my job in Scranton, though. David: Yes. Michael: Good. That's all I ever wanted. These two. [points at Jim and Karen] Either one of them... excellent candidates. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Wow. That was some serious... hardcore... self destruction. Jim: Yeah. Kinda feel bad for her though. Karen: Don't! She's nuts! [they laugh] Jim: Oh, man. You know what? This might take a while. You really don't have to stay, if you don't want. Karen: Okay, good! Because, um, a bunch of my friends are meeting downtown for lunch. And, I was gonna meet them, so... Jim: Okay. Karen: Just call me when you're done. Jim: Sure. Karen: Good luck, Halpert. Jim: Thank you. Receptionist: [phone rings, picks up] Dunder Mifflin, this is Grace. Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Oh, God! I mean, I just don't understand! It's just so rude, you know? I mean, the absolute nerve of that guy! Michael: I know. I know, I'm sorry about that. That was terrible. Jan: Oh, just... No, actually I think it's good, you know? It's fine, actually, I do. I really think it's great that it happened. Because, you know, my work has always been the thing that has gotten in the way of my happiness, so... [laughs] Michael: Well, it's... [Jan starts crying, high pitched whining] No, don't cry, it's gonna be OK. Jan: [sobbing] Oh, I know, I know. It's just... I'm sorry. It's just these painkillers that I started taking since the surgery. Ohhh! They make my moods totally unpredictable! Wow! What am I gonna do? Michael: [whispers] I don't know. [normal volume] Well I guess... you could come and stay at my condo. I think I could back out of the sale. [Jan exhales] Probably get some negative feedback on my eBay profile. Jan: Live together. Actually, wait a minute! This could be great! This could be perfect! You know, my full-time job could be our relationship. I could wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. [laughs] It could work. This could work, really! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in the office, imitating the terminator] I'll be baaaaack! And I am baaaack! Pam: How'd it go? Michael: No. No, Pam. I'm baaaaaack! For gooood! Kevin Nealon. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Everybody, may I have your attention please? It is with great honor and privilege that I announce to you that I have officially withdrawn my name for consideration from the corporate job. I know, I know, I know. "Michael, what are you thinking? You were a shoe in." Well, got down there. I nailed the interview. And the strangest thing happened. Why is my office black? Dwight: To intimidate my subordinates. Michael: That's stupid. Dwight: It was Andy's idea. Michael: You shouldn't have taken it. Bad management! Good thing I'm baaaaaack. [laughs] Ryan, coffee. Ryan: I don't do that stuff anymore. Michael: No, it's for me, bimbo. Kids. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So I'm back. And I am never, ever going to leave. I am going nowhere. This place... is like... the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home, and my... graveyard... for my bones. Pam: Did... Karen get the job? Michael: [to everyone] Back to work. [to Ryan] Still waitin' on that coffee. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Pam, hello. Pam: Dwight, hello. Dwight: I wanted to thank you... for helping me, when you held the title, Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. You served the office with great dignity. [Pam salutes Dwight, Dwight returns the salute] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: No, I don't know what the future holds, but... I'm optimistic. And, uh, I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. Jim and I... are just... too similar. Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. But--- you--- that is, a, um, you know, not--- A man. A man version. But, uh, until then... I can hold my head up. ... I'm not gay. [SCENE_BREAK] David: I don't know how I feel about hiring a Sixers fan. Jim: I should leave. [pretends to get up] [they laugh] David: Uh, let me ask you a question, Jim. You're clearly a very bright guy. Jim: Thanks. David: Always hit your numbers, personable, you make a great impression on everyone you meet--- Jim: I'm sorry, wait, so is the question "How'd I get to be so awesome?" [laughs] Because, I don't have an answer for you. [laughs] David: Uh, oh, hey, do you have your quarterly numbers? Jim: Yes, absolutely. David: And that, uh, questionnaire. Sorry to make you fill that thing out... Jim: Oh, no, absolutely. David: ...that's a HR formality. We have this very irritating HR guy here, he's probably the only person you're not gonna like. [Jim notices a small note inside his papers, it reads "Jim, Don't forget us when you're famous! Pam" It has a gold medal yogurt lid attached.] Kendall. Ugh. So, first up... Jim: [hands David his papers] There you go. David: How do you think you function here in New York? Jim: [not thinking clearly because of Pam's note] What's that? Oh, uh, great. You know? I just um, I really appreciate the buildings, and uh, the people, and um, there's just a [sic] energy... New York has, uh... Not to mention, they have places that are open past eight. [David laughs] So that's a... bonus. David: You've been in the Scranton branch a long time. [Jim stares at Pam's note] What have you liked most about that place? Jim: [thinks] The friendships. David: Okay. Well, we want the person who takes this position to be here for the long haul. So... long haul. Where do you see yourself in ten years? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [flashback to Beach Games] How are your feet? Pam: Medium rare. Thanks. [they laugh] Jim: The real reason that I went to Stamford... was because... I wanted to be... not here. Pam: I know. Jim: And even though... I came back, I just, I feel like I've never really... come back. Pam: Well, I wish you would. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [phone rings, Pam answers] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Just one moment, I'll transfer you. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him... and, if he never comes back again... that's OK. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just, we never got the timing right. You know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me, and... But you know what? It's OK. I'm totally fine. Everything is gonna be totally--- [Jim walks in] Jim: Pam. [to camera] Sorry. [to Pam] Um, are you free for dinner tonight? Pam: Yes. Jim: All right. Then... it's a date. Pam: [to camera, tearing up, smiling] I'm sorry, what was the question? [SCENE_BREAK] David: [on phone] So, I know we left the other day on a note of uncertainty. But, after some more thought, I'm very pleased to be able to offer you this job. [laughs] Great! I'm so glad. We're all very excited you're going to be joining us. It'll be nice to have another MBA around here. Ryan: [on phone, smiling] I'm excited too. Okay. Bye. Kelly: Who was that? Ryan: [still smiling] Nobody. You and I are done. Kelly: What?! [Ryan smiles and glances at the camera]

After evaluating their relationship, Michael decides to repel any advances that Jan makes towards him, but instantly changes his mind and gives her a second chance once he sees her with a breast enhancement. Michael, Jim, and Karen then all travel to New York to interview for the position that is opening in the corporate office. Before he leaves, Michael names Dwight as his successor in Scranton, and Dwight, with Andy as his new number two, immediately goes about changing the appearance and structure of the office. In New York, Michael's interview ends as he learns that the new position is linked to Jan's upcoming dismissal. Jan learns of the move, and confronts David, with Michael following her. Jan, now unemployed, decides to move in with a hesitant Michael, who now returns to his position as Scranton manager. Jim's interview goes well until he finds a good-luck memento left for him by Pam. Realizing he cannot leave her again, he returns to the office alone, where he asks her on a date. The corporate job is given to an ecstatic Ryan, who immediately breaks up with Kelly.

fd_Frasier_04x09

fd_Frasier_04x09_0

Act 1 Scene 1 - Caf Nervosa. Niles wanders into the Caf , saying hello to Frasier and Maureen (from [3.20], "Police Story") who are sitting down at a nearby table. Niles: Hello, Frasier. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Niles: Maureen. Maureen: Hi, Niles. Niles goes up to order at the counter where Roz is already waiting for her order. Niles: A non-fat caf , please. Roz: I'll pay for his too. Niles: Well, thank you. My day started off with good news and it's already getting better. To what do I owe this largesse? Roz: Well, I'm having a pretty great day too. You see, a few months ago I took my first tennis lesson... Niles: And you've finally mastered the backhand? Roz: No, I haven't played since. But the guy who was teaching me... Niles: Has won your girlish heart? Roz: No, he was a loser. But that day he hit me this little dink- shot and I ran for it, stubbed my toe, got this big black toenail. It lasted for like three months and today it finally fell off. [Niles looks thoroughly mystified] I can wear sandals again! Meanwhile behind them Maureen gets up to leave as Frasier sees her off. Maureen: Thanks, Frasier. Frasier: Goodbye Maureen, and good luck. Maureen: Thanks. She heads out the door and Niles comes over to join Frasier. Niles: Frasier. May I borrow your spoon? Frasier: Certainly. Niles: [banging the spoon off his coffee cup] I have an announcement. Frasier: Well frankly, so do I. Dad's girlfriend just told me some very big news. Niles: Well, unless she's expecting our baby brother, my news takes precedence. [A look of panic spreads on Niles's face] She's not, is she? Frasier: No, no. Niles: Guess who just won this year's "Mariett Fassbinder Award for Distinguished Contribution to the Literature of Psychiatry"? Frasier: Well, judging by the canary feathers protruding from your mouth, I'd say you. What article did you win for? Niles: A gripping case history of a narcissistic opera singer. I called it "Me Me Me Me Me." Frasier: [chuckling] Very clever, I like that. Niles: Thrilled as I am, I must admit I'm a tad nervous about the awards banquet. Frasier: Why? Niles: Dad! I want him there of course, but I'm just dreading a rerun of Aunt Vi's wedding. Frasier: Yes - the hour he spent regaling the table with Little Niles stories. Niles: Exactly. Imagine an entire roomful of trained psychiatrists hearing the story of Sheldon, my imaginary prot g . Frasier: Ah yes, Sheldon. That troubled little fellow who kept wetting your bed! Well, you know - if you're thinking of excluding Dad from the event your timing couldn't be worse. It's his birthday this weekend. Niles: Oh, right. Frasier: On top of that Maureen just told me that she's decided to break it off with him. Niles: No! Oh dear, is it the age difference? Frasier: No, no. She was quite emphatic on that point. She just thinks they have nothing in common. Niles: Oh, poor Dad. I know how much he enjoyed going out with her. Frasier: Yes. Just the other day he was saying that between her police badge and his handicapped sticker they could park anywhere. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier is busy cleaning. Daphne comes in. Daphne: Evening, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Daphne. Thank God you're home first. Listen, I have to warn you. Daphne: About what? Frasier: Dad and Maureen are on a date. It's not going well. She's telling him that she wants to break it off. Daphne: Oh. This vision you're getting - is it a tingly feeling and a picture in your head, or more like a husky voice murmuring in your ear? Frasier: [annoyed] It's not a vision. Maureen told me about this, this afternoon. I'm just worried about Dad. We need to do everything we can to help him through this. Daphne: I wouldn't worry about your father. People are more resilient than you think. You know, when Joe dumped me a few weeks ago I thought I'd lost the love of me life. I figured I'd spend the rest of my years dwelling on what might have been. The home we'd have made; the children running through it; growing old together... did I mention Joe's getting married? Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Daphne: No, I'm all right. Daphne heads towards the drinks cabinet as she breaks down and grabs a bottle of wine. Frasier: [goes to console her] Oh, Daphne, Daphne... [checks the bottle's label] That'll be fine. [she exits] Meanwhile the scene switches to outside the apartment as Martin and Maureen arrive back from their date. Maureen: Oh, I should have known that you'd hate Indian food. Martin: No, it was great. It just takes a little getting used to. Maureen: Yeah, it does. You should try it again sometime. Martin: [retching slightly] I think I just did. So are you going to come in for some coffee? Maureen: Nah. You're not feeling too well. I think I'll just call it a night. Martin: But I thought you said in the car there was something you wanted to talk about. Maureen: It can wait. They kiss goodnight as Maureen heads back into the elevator. Martin goes into the apartment. Frasier: Hi, Dad. Martin: Hi. Frasier: How was your date? Martin: [with a pained expression on his face] Awful! I never felt this bad in my life. I feel like my guts have been ripped out. Frasier: Dad, let me assure you this has nothing to do with your age. Martin: Oh, the hell it doesn't. This never would have happened twenty years ago. He goes into the powder room. Frasier: Well, you know Dad, I may be talking out of turn here. But Maureen told me about this. Martin: [from behind the door] What? Frasier: Yes. She came to me for advice. That's how determined she was not to hurt you. You see, she wanted to make it perfectly clear that her breaking up with you had nothing to do with your age but rather your compatibility. You see, it's not your fault that you don't like the same food, music or movies... Martin comes out with a bottle of Maalox and a puzzled expression. Frasier: ...and she didn't bring this up, did she? Martin: No. Frasier: Dad, I'm sorry. Martin: She doesn't want to see me again? Frasier: Oh, I feel so terrible. Listen, Dad, I mean, I know exactly how you're feeling right now. But believe me, the pain will pass. It may take some time. Martin: This is great! Frasier: Or not! Martin: Wait till I tell Sherry. Frasier: Sherry? Martin: [holding up the carton of Maalox] This stuff works pretty good. Have we got any pretzels? Frasier: Dad - just who is Sherry? Martin: She's this great lady I met down at McGinty's. You know - I've been trying for weeks to get up the nerve to end it with Maureen. He gleefully picks up the phone. The doorbell rings and Frasier goes to answer. Frasier: Good Lord. I've been worried all afternoon about Maureen breaking your heart and all along you've been two-timing- He looks through the peek-hole before turning to Martin in panic. Frasier: MAUREEN! Frasier opens the door to Maureen while Martin slams the phone down and tries not to look too guilty. Martin: Well hi, Maureen. Come in. Did you forget something? Maureen: Yes I did. Um... [looks at Frasier] Frasier: Don't mind me, I was just going out... [he realises he is in his dressing gown] ...to the powder room. Frasier goes through to the bathroom. Maureen: There's something that I've been meaning to say to you and I keep putting it off and that's not fair to you. Martin: [acting concerned] What is it? Maureen: I don't think it's working out. Martin: [sitting down in fake shock] You don't? Wow. I didn't see that coming. Frasier is peeking through the bathroom door with a look of contempt. Maureen: Marty, it's not the age difference. It's just all we ever talk about is the police force - and I enjoy that - but I just think... Martin: No, Maureen, come on. You don't need to explain. You know, I guess I always knew that I could never hold onto a prize like you forever. [slams the bathroom door shut in Frasier's face with his cane] But at least I did it for a while. Maureen: So, are you OK? Martin: [acting hurt] I will be. It just takes a little time, you know? But you take care of yourself. Maureen: Yeah, you too. They kiss goodbye and Maureen leaves. Before the door is barely shut Martin is celebrating with his cane in the air and a huge grin. Frasier opens the bathroom door holding onto his eye and looking highly annoyed. Frasier: You old fraud! Martin: What? Frasier: You made her believe that she'd broken your heart. Martin: Well, of course I did. When a woman breaks up with you, you have to act sad. It's only polite. Frasier: Polite? My God, Dad, guilt is a very destructive emotion. Martin: Oh, spare me the Ivy League bull. There ain't a dame alive who wouldn't rather break a guy's heart than think she hadn't even made a dent in it. I may not have made it to Harvard but I have been to the College of Love. Frasier: Apparently on a Spillane Fellowship! [SCENE_BREAK] FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment Niles arrives at Frasier's apartment carrying Martin's birthday present. Frasier and Daphne are in the living room whilst Martin is in his bedroom. Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane. Niles: Hey, Daphne. Frasier: Niles. Niles: Frasier. Where's the birthday boy? Daphne: Oh, he's getting all dolled up for his lady friend. You should see how excited he is. Frasier: Not half as excited as he's going to be when he sees these new videotapes: twelve cassettes of the history of World War II! Niles: For those who thought the original was fun but too short! Frasier: Well, this year I thought what the hell? Get him something he really wants rather than what I think he needs. Niles: A very commendable sentiment. Daphne: What did you get him? Niles: An Armani tux. [pause] Well, my banquet's coming up. Martin: [coming through in a suit] Hey, Niles. Daphne: Ooh. Don't you look dapper? Martin: Well, thanks. Yeah, I heard the door - I thought maybe it was Sherry. Niles: Oh, I thought we were joining her and your chums down at the restaurant. Martin: Yeah, I changed my mind. You know, I just thought that... I'm just so anxious for you to meet her, I know you're gonna love her. No, no, forget I said that. I mean, you will but I just don't want to jinx it. [the doorbell rings] Oh, there it is. Frasier, answer the door, would you? No, no, wait a minute. I'll get it. Frasier and Niles look on smiling - that is, until the door opens to reveal a middle-aged woman wearing a short pink skirt, a pink blouse and carrying a bottle and a present. Sherry: Happy Birthday! Sherry practically leaps into Martin's arms and gives him an extremely loud kiss. The boys just look slightly aghast. Martin: Come in and meet the family. Sherry: [hugging Frasier] Hi! Sherry Dempsey. Now Marty didn't tell me the two of you were so handsome! [she bearhugs Niles who forces a smile] Daphne: Hello. Daphne Moon. Sherry: Ooh - the physical therapist. Don't worry about me, honey. I'm not the jealous type. Anybody that keeps my Marty limber is aces in my book. Martin: [does a few dance shuffles, then:] Hey, sit down, Sherry. Come on. You know Fras, Sherry is a big fan of your show. Sherry: Oh yes, a big fan. Well, as a matter of fact when my friend Donna's marriage was on the rocks, you were the one that she called for advice. Frasier: Really? And did my advice prove helpful? Sherry: That's not important. You cared. That's what matters. Daphne: Can we offer you a drink? Sherry: Well, actually, since it's a special occasion I brought some bubbly. Let's crack it open! [throws the bottle at Niles who just manages to catch it] Niles: Yes, why not? [forcing a smile] Oh look Frasier - Cold Duck. Sherry: You ever had it? Frasier: Just once! Daphne: I'll do the honours. Sherry: Ooh, I love this apartment. Wow, that's some view you've got. Frasier: Thank you. Sherry: Which room's mine? Frasier and Niles just look at each other. Sherry: Gotcha! Martin: She's always doing stuff like that. Sherry: Oh, I love making people laugh. To me humour is like medicine. Niles: [sotto voce to Frasier] Guess we're in the placebo group. Frasier: So... Dad tells me you two kids met at McGinty's. Sherry: That's right. I tend bar there. Saw your Dad there one night looking kind of lonesome and I said to myself... Daphne: [coming through with the drinks] Bottoms up! Sherry: Well, something like that. Daphne: [dishing the drinks out] Here we go. Well, Happy Birthday. Sherry: Through the lips and over the gums... Frasier: Look out, tastebuds, here it comes. Sherry: I never heard that version. They all take a sip. However, Frasier and Niles turn around looking as though they're about to vomit. Both go to recover on the couch while trying to force their now customary smile. Sherry: I better be careful. Two glasses of that and I'd be dancing on the tables. Martin: Yeah. You know, Sherry used to be on the stage. Frasier: On Broadway? Sherry: Las Vegas. Ever been there? Frasier: Just once! Sherry: What a town, huh? Great food, terrific theatre, just too darn easy to get married. [looks at Niles] You're separated, right? Niles: Yes. Sherry: I've been there. Listen, you want my advice? Niles: Well... Sherry: Don't mope! Get right back in the saddle. My Mum always used to say to me, "Honey, the only way to get over someone is to get under someone." Martin laughs hysterically at this joke. Needless to say Niles just looks a bit shocked. Sherry: Well, Momma had lots of sayings like that. Niles: [slipping further down the sofa] I didn't know Mae West had children. Martin: Well, hey, we better be going, so if you want to freshen up you better do it now. It's right down there. Daphne: I'll show you the way. Sherry: [to Martin] I know what you're doing here. You just want the reviews. [looking at Frasier and Niles] Talk me up. Sherry goes with Daphne through to the bathroom. Martin: That's not it at all. You think you're so smart. [turning to Frasier and Niles] Well, what do you think? Frasier: [lost for words] Er... Wow. Martin: Niles? Niles: Er... I see that Wow and raise you a Zowie. Martin: I'm so glad you like her. You really do, right? Frasier: Yes, Dad. Niles: Absolutely. Martin: That's it, great! Well, you know we're going to have to spend more time here. You know, she's got that fourth floor walk-up and its murder on my hip. Not that I wouldn't climb the Space Needle to hear her play that banjo of hers. Frasier and Niles can't say anything. Instead they simply reach for their Cold Duck and swig it down. Sherry and Daphne come back through. Sherry: Come on, boys. She's back. Daphne: You know, I keep meaning to ask: what's that lovely perfume you're wearing? Frasier: Yes, I've been wondering that myself. Sherry: It's called Milady's Boudoir. [heading out the door followed by Martin and Daphne] You wouldn't believe what a bargain it is. For a hundred bucks I could buy enough to drown myself in. Niles: [slowly walking out the door with Frasier] I've got sixty! [SCENE_BREAK] NO GIRLZ ALLOWED [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Caf Nervosa Niles and Frasier are sitting down at a table drinking their coffees. Niles: Again, I'm sorry for not making it over for dinner last night, but you know I had this tickle in my throat... Frasier: Spare me your lame excuses, Niles. We both know why you weren't there. Niles: How was Sherry? Frasier: Colourful as ever. Last night she treated us to a selection from her unpublished volume of Limericks for Lovers. The last several were about a well-travelled man fortuitously named Horatio! Niles takes a second before he realises and just looks disgusted. Suddenly panic spreads on his face. Niles: Oh, dear God. Don't turn around. Frasier: Who is it? Niles: It's Dad, and he's brought Sophie Tucker! Frasier: Oh God. But this is our place. Niles: Don't look. Martin and Sherry walk in and needless to say Sherry sees the boys immediately and knocks loudly on the window to them. Sherry: Hey! How ya doing? Look who's here. Wow, what a cute place this is. I walk by here all the time and never stopped in. Martin: Yeah, well the boys love it here. Sherry: Well, we should start coming here. Now, make room at that table. We'll be right back. We're gonna get a cuppa. Frasier: [forlorn] Quick Niles, pull up the ladder. She found our clubhouse! Niles: This cannot go on. Frasier: You're right. Dad has to be politely told that even though he may enjoy her company he has no right to... what's the polite word for inflict? Niles: Well, I don't know, but I'm sure you'll find one. Frasier: Me? I have to do this alone? I thought the two of us would sit him down and talk to him... Niles: No, no, no. Frasier: ...both of us. Niles: No, no. I'm afraid you're the one who's going to be making that little speech. Frasier: But Niles, both of us have a problem. Niles: Ah, ah, ah, ah. She's not invading my apartment. I can afford to be patient. Frasier: You are a little weasel, aren't you? Niles: A little weasel whose Daddy loves him. [gets up] Sherry: [coming to the table] Niles, before I forget. About your banquet - are we talking fancy-schmancy? Niles: Well, it's not exactly the way it's worded on the invitation, but yes... [the cold dawn of realisation hits] Why? [sits back down] Martin: Well, Daphne's got a cold so Sherry's going to use her ticket. Frasier: What fun! That's coming up soon, isn't it? Maybe you should start working on that little speech. Sherry: So, fancy dress, huh? Good. I got a backwards leopard skin number that's gonna knock your eyes out. Niles looks ready to explode. Martin: Gotcha! Sherry and Martin both laugh hysterically. Niles forces a laugh while looking annoyed. Frasier is getting bumped into by Sherry as she laughs. Sherry: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm smushing you. Frasier: No, that's all right. We were just leaving. Sherry: Oh, you gotta go? Well Niles, don't worry about your banquet. I'll wear a nice dress and put on my best dancing shoes. Niles: Oh, well, there won't be dancing. Sherry: You just leave that to Sherry! Sherry and Martin both laugh again. So does Niles, before rushing outside to join Frasier who has already escaped. Frasier: Well, your little banquet should prove quite amusing. I hope Dr. Geudfreund doesn't aggravate his hernia when he goes underneath the limbo pole! Niles: I have to talk to Dad. I can't let her ruin the most important evening of my life. What do I say to him? Frasier, you've got to help me. Frasier: Well... prepared though you were to abandon me and let me handle all the dirty work alone, I will swallow my resentment, confront him with you tonight and take my share of the heat. Niles: Thank you. Frasier: [smiling] Gotcha! He walks off laughing. End of Act 1 Act 2 Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment. Martin is in his chair deciding over the night's entertainment. Niles is pacing the floor behind him. Martin: So Niles, what are you in the mood for? Normandy or The Battle of the Bulge? Niles: Whatever. Martin: You've been fidgeting around all night. Something on your mind? Niles: Ah, yes actually. It's about my awards banquet. Martin: Yeah? Niles: Dad, this is very difficult to say. I would really rather you didn't... [chickens out] wear those pants. Martin: Well, I'm not. I'm wearing that Avanti tux you gave me. What's your problem? Niles: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I guess, I don't know, I'm just nervous about tomorrow night. God knows why. He sees Sherry's banjo lying on a chair and strums it before going outside onto the balcony. Frasier: [coming in] Evening, Dad. Martin: Evening. Frasier: [notices Niles on the balcony and Martin in a foul mood] Something wrong? Martin: You know, that brother of yours can be downright insulting. He's so afraid that someone's going to embarrass him at his fancy dinner. Frasier: Er... you know, Niles told me about what he was going to say to you tonight. And well, I must say that, in his defense, it is an important evening for him and well, let's face it, Sherry can be a bit much. Martin: She can, huh? Frasier: Well, I don't mean it as a criticism, mind you. Some people like that. But now that Niles has broached the subject I must say that I too find Sherry a bit brassy and flamboyant... [notices Martin's puzzled look] He didn't say a word to you, did he? Martin: I don't believe this. You got a problem with Sherry? Niles: [coming back in] That delightful woman? Frasier: Oh, knock it off! I see you're still waiting on that spine donor! Dad, there is no reason to belabour this point... Martin: No, no. You got something to say, let's hear it. You don't like her? Frasier: Please understand, Dad, as happy as we are that you've found someone... Martin: But you don't like her? Niles: No, no. We're not saying that. She's just not the sort of person that we would normally choose to spend time with. Martin: In other words, you don't like her? Come on, we're all grown-ups here. Tell me the truth. Frasier: [pausing] All right, Dad, we don't like her. Martin: Fine! That's the way you feel about it? Don't worry, I won't bring her back here any more. I guess it's too much to expect my own family to make a person I care about feel welcome! He heads off to the kitchen. Frasier: WAIT A MINUTE! When did you ever make any of the women we were involved with feel welcome? Niles: Ooh Frasier, you're right! He almost got away with that! Frasier: When did Lilith ever set foot in your house that you didn't make her feel as wanted as a fungus? Niles: Yes, not to mention my Maris! Martin: You're comparing a warm lady like Sherry to Frosty the Snow- Wife? Frasier: There! That is exactly what I'm talking about. Oh, why don't we just face facts? I mean, since when has any of us ever - from Sherry to Lilith to Maris to Diane - has ever been able to pick one woman that the other two could stand the sight of? Martin: I picked your mother! Frasier: [awkwardly] I'm sorry, Niles. I've been hogging the floor. Niles: Er... Martin: Ah, forget it. You're right. Why should I expect you to make the effort when I'm no better? Hell, you probably got it from me. You sure didn't get it from your mother 'cos she was great that way. Anytime she ever met anybody she could always find something to like about them. One of the things I loved her for. It's one of the things I love Sherry for. She's a lot like your mother that way. She'll always find something - even with you two. Frasier: Well, I suppose we could all afford to be a bit more open- minded when it comes to each other's mates. Martin: Well, at the very least, if we can't say anything nice we shouldn't say anything at all. The doorbell rings. Niles: I'll be having some quiet Thanksgivings, but fine with me. Frasier opens the door to Sherry. Frasier: Hi, Sherry Niles: Hi. Frasier: Don't you look nice? Come on in. Sherry: Well, thank you, Frasier. Oh Marty, I brought you one more little gift. [hands over a parcel] Martin: Another one? Sherry: Well, I wanted to give it to you on your birthday but it took me a while to find the right size. Martin: Really? I'm usually a pretty easy fit. Sherry: Who said it's for you to wear? Martin: Ho-ho, I like it already. Niles and Frasier just roll their eyes slightly and look at each other. Sherry notices their discomfort. Sherry: Oh, I should stop. I'm embarrassing your boys. Martin: No, you're not. [looks at them both] Is she? Niles: [clearly faking] Nooooo! Frasier: Party on! Martin: [holding Sherry's hand] Well, I think we should go and unwrap this. As they go, Frasier is unwilling to let Martin have the last word. Frasier: Oh, Dad? Lilith mentioned that she was going to be joining Frederick on his next visit. You don't mind if she stays here, do you? Martin: [clearly faking] Oh, Lilith! No, great, I love Lilith. That's terrific. She's welcome here any time. Sherry: Honey, you're hurting my hand. Frasier and Niles smile at each other. Sherry: [to Niles and Frasier] Oh listen, I should mention I'm kind of a sleepwalker, so if you get up in the night and find me in here naked, just give me a good hard shake. I'll come to in a jiff. Frasier and Niles both laugh at this. Frasier: Got me, good one! But Martin and Sherry aren't laughing. The boys stop and look at each other worryingly... then Martin and Sherry burst out laughing. As they head off to the bedroom Niles reaches for Martin's Ballantine. End of Act 2 [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier and Niles are sitting on the couch looking dumbstruck. The camera pans right to show Eddie and Martin are sitting in their usual places. Martin notices the boys' faces and waves his cane at them to cheer up. Frasier and Niles immediately force a smile and try to clap their hands in delight. The camera pans right again, and we see what they are being treated to - Sherry on her banjo! As she and Martin trade a look, Frasier and Niles take covert swigs from bottles of Maalox and then hide them under the table.

Martin breaks up with his girlfriend Maureen ( Jane Kaczmarek ), but quickly starts a new relationship with Sherry ( Marsha Mason ). She is loud, boisterous and brash, and plays the banjo . Frasier and Niles soon take a disliking to her, but nevertheless pretend to like her for the sake of Martin's feelings; however, as spending time in her company gradually becomes more straining for both of them, they realize that they will have to confront Martin about her. Niles has won an award for an article he has written about a narcissistic opera singer, and learns that Martin intends to bring Sherry as his date to the awards ceremony.

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[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE -- NIGHT] (The Biker parks his motorcycle.) (Cut to: A car pulls up a second driveway and parks. Dennis Kingsley steps out of the car and shuts the door.) (The Biker on the motorcycle removes his helmet and stands next to his bike.) (He takes his briefcase and walks into the house.) (Dennis Kingsley heads into his own house.) [INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (The door opens. Dennis Kingsley steps into the house and puts his plastic bag on the counter. He takes out a bag of English muffins, a box of Tetley British tea and a jar of something and lines it up perfectly on the counter.) (He takes the empty bag and heads out of the room.) [INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Dennis Kingsley puts on his dressing gown and shuts the door. He opens the door to the far room at the end of the hall and slips inside.) (The door closes behind him.) [INT. BASEMENT STAIRS - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Dennis Kingsley makes his way down the basement stairs. He comes to two double doors.) (He opens the doors and enters into what appears to be a British-decorated study.) [INT. BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Dennis Kingsley flicks on a switch on the table and violin music starts playing. He walks over to the window and pushes the curtain aside to reveal a fake scene just out of the basement window of a horse-drawn carriage pass by.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Dennis Kingsley is playing his violin in front of the fake fire in the fireplace.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT] (Dennis Kingsley is dead with a gunshot wound to his temple. Someone snaps a photo.) (Grissom is kneeling in front of the victim as he looks around.) Grissom: Deerstalker cap ... violin ... meerschaum pipe ... even a Persian slipper with tobacco stuffed in the toe, I imagine. (Greg snaps more photos of the scene.) Grissom: All in all, a meticulous recreation of 221-B Baker Street: Residence of the world's greatest detective, Sherlock Holmes. Brass: Also known as Dennis Kingsley, delivery guy. What do you think? Grissom: Ask Greg. It's his case. It's his final proficiency -- emphasis on the "final". Brass: Okay, Dr. Watson, run it. Greg: Victim's in a relaxed position in front of a fake fire. Alcohol. Solitude. (He leans forward to look at the wound.) Greg: Powder burns around the entrance wound. Close to contact shot. (Greg straightens.) Greg: It all suggests suicide. Brass: Well, if he killed himself, where's the weapon? (Greg swallows. He sighs.) Greg: Huh ... family and friends who discover a body sometimes remove the weapon to make it look like murder. No suicide stigma and better chances of collecting any life insurance. Brass: From the look of the place upstairs, this guy lived alone, and the neighbors heard the shot, so ... pretty good. I guess I'll, uh, go interview the neighbors. (Brass turns and leaves.) Greg: So, are you going to say, "the game's afoot"? Grissom: I didn't know you were a Conan Doyle fan, Greg. Greg: I'm not. I saw a Sherlock Holmes movie once by mistake. Grissom: Well, just so you know ... those movies never ended like this. (Grissom flashes his flashlight at the dead body.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE -- NIGHT] (Brass is standing in the neighbor's driveway talking with the Biker. He finishes up and turns to leave.) Biker: I'll see if I can hook you up. Give me a call. Brass: All right. Yeah, okay. (He heads back to Grissom.) Grissom: Anything useful? Brass: Well, I found out if I ever need a home loan, as a public servant, I'm pre-approved. You know, the guy looks like a, uh, drug dealer. Turns out he's a mortgage broker. Grissom: Well, we all have our costumes, Jim. Brass: Yeah. (Brass and Grissom watch as two men and a woman in costume appear out of the fog walking down the street toward them.) Brass: Yeah, apparently some more than others. (The three costumed individuals stop in front of Brass and Grissom.) Grissom: I assume you're friends of Mr. Kingsley? Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): We are friends of Mr. Holmes. Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Invited guests, in point of fact. Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): This is all so contemporary. Grissom: Well, I'm with the Las Vegas crime lab. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Ah, a colleague. Perhaps we can be of some assistance. Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): (eagerly) Yes. Have you discovered any shoe impressions in the soil? (She moves forward as if to look for herself, but Grissom stops her.) Grissom: Not yet. This is a crime scene. Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Oh, a scenario created for our own entertainment, yes? (Grissom turns around to show them Dennis Kingsley's dead body being wheeled out on the gurney. A sobering sight. They put the body in the back of the coroner's van.) Grissom: I guess it depends on what you find entertaining. Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Oh, God. (The coroner shuts the door on the body.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT] (Greg is going through the blood on the floor when Sara walks up to him.) Sara: Anyone for pizza? Greg: Very funny. (Greg finds and picks up the bullet amidst the puddle of blood and pieces of brain.) Greg: Got it. (Sara kneels down next to Greg to look at the bullet.) Sara: Ooh. BFB. Big freakin' bullet. (Greg looks at the bullet under the magnifying glass.) Greg: Nose is mushroomed. Looks like pure lead. Two cannelures consistent with a revolver. One, two, three, four, five, six lands and grooves. Left hand twist. Sara: Which usually means ... ? Greg: Colt .45? (Sara nods.) Greg: Are you checking up on me? Sara: No, no, no, no. Grissom said he was just evaluating you on processing this one room, so ... I figured maybe you could use some help with the rest of the house. Greg: Thanks. (Sara stands up and starts looking around. Greg tucks the bullet into a bindle.) (Sara picks up the empty old-fashioned glass syringe and looks at it.) (Camera zooms in to show the residue of something in the glass syringe.) Sara: Guess everyone needs a hobby. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE -- NIGHT] (Brass and Grissom speak with the other members of the mystery club.) Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): We would study the Holmes text in cases and important 19th century events. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): We met every Thursday night. Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): You make it sound like a bowling league. This is a serious literary association. (Quick flashback to: Open on an old photo slide of a dead woman. [STUDY] The group sit around the table discussing the photo slide.) Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): As usual, Dr. Watson, subtlety is lost upon you. You see a stab wound above her breast and overlook the absence of blood on the chair as well as the fact that her skirt is raised. This body was posed, and quite beautifully, I might add. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Moriarty, if evil for evil's sake were a pathological condition, it would be your diagnosis. Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Gentlemen, your disdain for one another distracts you from the truth. The wedding picture on the wall? The victims were husband and wife. Dennis Kingsley: As usual, Miss Adler, your deduction is correct. It was indeed a crime of passion. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Sounds fun. When was the last time you saw Dennis Kingsley? Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Last Thursday. Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): He said that he was going to make this meeting really special. (Quick flashback to: [STUDY] The group sits at the table.) Dennis Kingsley: It seems our time here tonight has ended, and that, I fear, is the gist of the announcement I must share with you now. Next week will be the final meeting of our society, but I give you my word: It shall be an evening none of you will ever forget. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): I didn't think that he meant this. Brass: We're going to need names and contact information. Grissom: It would also be helpful if you'd let us take your fingerprints. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Why? Grissom: Elementary. So we can rule you out. You've all obviously been in the study on numerous occasions. We need to find out if the prints we find are relevant. Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): So you actually think this is something other than suicide? Brass: You know, I think you ought to drop the accent. Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): I can't. I'm English. Brass: Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT] (Greg looks at the floor. He finds something on the floor and snaps a photo of it.) INTERCUT WITH: [SARA] (Close-up of the door leading to the basement. Sara examines it focusing on the scratches on the wood near the doorknob and plate.) (Greg finds something on the floor near the table leg. He picks it up and looks at it.) (Sara sits down at the table in front of the laptop. He presses the spacebar and the screensaver with the meerschaum pipe on it stops. She looks at the screen for a moment.) (She turns and picks up the framed photo of Dennis Kingsley sitting on the couch with his wife and daughter.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Greg looks up from his camera as Sara walks into the room to share her findings.) Sara: There's possible signs of forced entry at the back door. It could be recent. Also, I think the vic had a family at some point. Brass is on it. (Greg snaps a photo of a red book with blood on its cover, "The Hound of the Baskervilles".) Greg: Check this out. (He shows her the book, evidence marker #6. Sara kneels down next to Greg.) Sara: The Hound of the Baskervilles. I read that in tenth grade. Greg: Oh, yeah - I was supposed to. (Sara chuckles. He shows her the stain on the book page edges.) Greg: There's a blood stain on the page ends. Sara: Huh. (Greg puts the book back on the table in the position he found it in.) Sara: The spatter goes across and over. That stain did not come from this event. (Quick flash of: [THE BOOK ON THE TABLE] A gun fires, blood spatters on the book cover. End of flash. Resume to present.) Sara: It could be the vic's, or it could be stage blood, for that matter. Greg: Do you think an obsessive neat freak like our vic would leave something like that on one of his most prized possessions? Sara: I think ... there's only one way to find out. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAKE (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. ROADSIDE -- DAY] (An officer's car is parked on the side of the road. Warrick walks alongside the roadway. He turns and visualizes the accident.) (Quick visualization of: The jeep swerves on the road. It passes right through Warrick and off screen. Warrick turns and continues to visualize the jeep traveling down the road where it smashes into the tree.) (End of visualization. Resume to present.) (Warrick makes his way across the road.) [EXT. ROADSIDE - CRASH SITE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Nick approaches the van with the body in it. David Phillips and Det. Chris Cavaliere are there.) Det. Chris Cavaliere: Hey, Nick. Nick: Hey, Chris. Det. Chris Cavaliere: Nevada power guys -- they saw the jeep, called it in. I ran the plates. R.O. is, uh, Cory Demayo, 25. Lives on Florentine. (Nick snaps a couple of photos of the body as he listens.) Spoke to the roommate. Driver fits the description. David Phillips: Vic's got a contusion on his forehead. Probably from the impact. Nick: Yeah, I can see that. It's just hard to believe that's what killed him. (Warrick walks up to the group.) Warrick: I didn't see any skid marks on the road up there. There's no signs he tried to brake. David Phillips: Well, maybe he fell asleep at the wheel. Nick: Uh, coming over that embankment? That would've woke him up. Key's still in the ignition. Car's in drive. Engine's not running. Warrick: Did the paramedics open this door? Det. Chris Cavaliere: Vitals were taken through the open window. Door was ajar when we arrived on the scene. (Warrick finds a joint in the car. He picks it up and shows it to Nick.) Warrick: Hey, Nick, check this out. Nick: Oh. Warrick: Guy was getting high. Think that's the reason he missed the curve up there? Nick: You think? (Warrick finds something else.) Warrick: Ah. We got a wallet. (He hands the wallet over the body to Nick who hands it to Det. Cavaliere.) Nick: Yeah, yeah. (Det. Cavaliere checks the Nevada Driver's License. It reads: DEMAYO, CORY 6878 FLORENTINE RD. LAS VEGAS Det. Chris Cavaliere: Cory Demayo. Fits the description. No cash, no plastic. Nick: This is a pretty remote place for an accident. But you think someone saw it, took advantage of the situation? Warrick: Maybe he wasn't alone. Maybe the passenger survived, then emptied out his wallet, took off. Nick: (nods) Maybe. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Greg snaps photos of the body.) (He removes the evidence bag from around the victim's right hand. He snaps photos of the hand and takes samples from it.) (Greg continues to process the body.) (He snaps photos. He flips the victim's arm over and we see the needle marks on his inner arm.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] (Sara and Robbins talk while looking at the photos spread out on the table in front of them.) Robbins: This guy really dress up like Sherlock Holmes? Sara: At least once a week, evidently, like those civil war re-enactors. I, uh, never understood that. Robbins: Yeah. In any event, C.O.D. was no surprise. Perforating contact range, gunshot to the right temple. (Greg appears the doorway with the tox report.) Greg: Got the tox. Cocaine metabolites in the vic's urine. 500 nanograms per M.O. Robbins: You only see levels that high in chronic users. Sara: Those are the track marks. Greg: Yeah, but there was also morphine in his blood and in the syringe. (He hands the report to Robbins.) Seven percent solution, morphine sulfate and water. Sherlock went from crack to smack. Sara: Morphine metabolites in his system but no heroin metabolites? He wasn't on street junk. This is pharmaceutical-grade stuff. Greg: And at a pretty hefty dose, too. How fast for the injection to take effect? Robbins: Given his size, he would've been incapacitated in a matter of seconds. Greg: Not much time to undo the works, put away his antique syringe, pick up a gun and blow his brains out. Sara: Wait a minute. The GSR test on his hand was positive. What are you getting at? (Quick flash to: [STUDY] Someone else pulls the trigger. End of flash. Resume to present.) Greg: Well, maybe Sherlock had some help. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Det. Chris Cavaliere and Warrick interview Lyle Davis, Cory Demayo's roommate.) Det. Chris Cavaliere: Hey, when was the last time you saw Cory? Lyle Davis: Yesterday. Just kicking it, like me. Warrick: How'd you get that bruise on your dome, man? Lyle Davis: Oh, uh, windsurfing. Det. Chris Cavaliere: Hey, you guys go out there together? Lyle Davis: Yeah. Well, he's got the wheels, so ... Warrick: So you drove back together? Lyle Davis: No. I sort of hooked up with this chick, so I bounced. Warrick: Nice. You know the chick's name? Lyle Davis: Uh, Jennifer. Det. Chris Cavaliere: Jennifer who? Lyle Davis: Jennifer, uh ... (he smiles, clearly, he can't remember) ... nipple ring. (Warrick and Lyle chuckle.) Warrick: "Jennifer nipple ring". Lyle, were you guys, uh, getting high yesterday? You smoke some weed? Lyle Davis: Nope. Warrick: No? All right, let me tell you what I think happened. You and Cory got stoned, and you drove away. Cory lost control of the jeep ... (Quick flashback to: [JEEP] The jeep runs off the road and Cory hits his head against the wheel.) Warrick: (V.O.) ...at which point, you couldn't wake him up, (Lyle goes through Cory's wallet and takes the money inside.) Warrick: (V.O.) so you decided to take advantage of the situation, and you rifle through his wallet and leave. (Lyle stumbles out of the jeep and runs.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Lyle Davis: Man, that is not what went down. Det. Chris Cavaliere: You're looking at robbery, leaving the scene, failure to report an accident. That's a lot of years, man. Lyle Davis: I didn't get back in the car with Cory, and if I had, I wouldn't have left him! Warrick: Lyle, we're going to need a DNA sample from you. Lyle Davis: (alarmed) What? Why? Warrick: Just to prove that, uh, your lips weren't on that joint that we found in the jeep. Lyle Davis: All right, man. Let me just be straight with you guys for a second here. I admit Cory and I sparked up at the lake, okay? But then he took off. Three weeks ago, I was busted for pot, okay? The judge gave me diversion. You guys file charges, I'm screwed. I will never get into dental school. (Warrick and Det. Cavaliere both look away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO TRACE LAB -- DAY] (Greg follows Hodges from the hallway into the Trace Lab.) Hodges: The fragment you found at the scene? It's a mother of pearl. It could be from an ornament or a piece of jewelry. Greg: It could be from a lot of things. Hodges: Yeah, that it could, Mr. Proficiency. (Greg looks through the scope. Grissom is there in the lab.) Hodges: I also I.D.'d the ash on the floor. Perique tobacco, grown in only one spot on earth: St. James Parish, Louisiana. Greg: The same as the umber of tobacco in the victim's slipper? Hodges: No, completely different make. Cheap, strong, low-grade stuff. Grissom: Shag tobacco. Hodges: Yeah. How'd you know? Grissom: That's what Holmes smoked. Hodges: Bad habit, even for a fictional character. Grissom: You do have two suspects with pipes. Greg: Yeah ... and, uh, smoking kills. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POOL HALL & BAR -- DAY] (Brass looks around. He watches as a man tags along behind one of the waitresses.) Bar Customer (man): We got to stop meeting like this, baby. Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): How was your game? Bar Customer (man): I'm swinging a hot stick tonight, babe. (She passes Brass and puts her tray on the bar counter.) Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): (to Brass) Can I get you something? Brass: No, I'm just looking for someone. Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): You're staring at me. Brass: Oh. Uh ... I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you from last night. Is that a friend of yours? Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Give me a break. Did that guy look like a friend of mine? Every time he touches me, I want to kick him in the scrotum, but he's a big tipper. I've got a sick mother and rent to pay. Brass: Well, I just have a couple of questions. At Denny Kingsley's, you were smoking a pipe. Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Yeah ... a meerschaum. Brass: I'm going to need it. Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Why? Brass: Let me worry about that, okay? Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Uh, J.J., can you hand me my purse, please? J.J. (bartender): Okay. (He hands her the bag. She takes the pipe out of her bag and puts it in the evidence bag Brass is holding.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Sara walks up to a security guard.) Sara: Dr. Watson? I'm Sara Sidle with the Crime Lab. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Hello. Sara: Do you have a minute? I'm here to collect your meerschaum pipe as well as any other tobacco products you might have in your possession. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I don't smoke anything illegal. (Sara puts her kit down.) Sara: You haven't been accused of that. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Anyway, my pipe is at home. Sara: No problem. Let's go. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Look, I'm working. Sara: We've already talked to your boss, and I have a warrant. Let me get that for you. (Sara kneels down to open her kit to get the warrant out of her kit. She notices some blood on his shoes.) Sara: Were you wearing those shoes at your last club meeting? Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Yeah. They're not technically right for the period, but black leather shoes are black leather shoes. I'm not the same stickler for detail that Denny was. Sara: Apparently not. (Sara hands him the warrant.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Robbins goes over the body with Nick and Warrick.) Robbins: Vic was physically fit. Scratches and abrasions are ante-mortem, unrelated to the accident. Nick: The contusion on the forehead was, uh, superficial, right? Robbins: You are right. Warrick: Okay, so what's the cause of death, Doc? Robbins: Undetermined. Nick: But you're still working on it, right? Robbins: Unless some other evidence comes to light, I'm done. Sometimes I can't tell you why they die. (Nick and Warrick look at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (Nick is trying to close the jeep's passenger door. Warrick walks into the garage carrying a file.) Warrick: What you got? Nick: Passenger door latch is busted. It could've happened during the accident. Warrick: Well, that is consistent with the roommate's story. Says he wasn't in the passenger seat during the time of the crash. Nick: What'd you get back from tox? Warrick: Tox came back positive for low levels of cannabis. Nick: I know marijuana slows your reaction time, but based on the lack of skid marks at the scene, the position of the vehicle, I don't think this guy ever hit the brakes. Warrick: Well, maybe he did hit the brakes. Did you check 'em? Nick: Come on, you're a bigger boy than me. Warrick: Yeah, you can't do anything yourself, can you? (Nick climbs into the jeep behind the driver's seat.) Warrick: You ready? Nick: Yeah, yeah, put your back into it. (Warrick pushes the jeep forward. Nick presses the brakes and they hold.) Warrick: Brakes work. Brake lights are working, so that means the battery's okay. Nick: Yeah, but the gauges are all off. The panel's not even working. Okay, ignition was on, but the engine wasn't running, so ... what? No gas? (Warrick jumps on the jeep. We hear the tank sloshing.) Warrick: That tank is full of fuel, man. Nick: Cory was in good shape. The jeep seems to be in decent condition, so ... (sighs) What happened out there? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - CATHERINE'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Catherine meets with Conrad Ecklie.) Conrad Ecklie: Swing shift's short a couple of bodies. Catherine: Yes, and when is that going to change? Conrad Ecklie: Not anytime soon -- Catherine, there are budget constraints. You'll have to prioritize. (Nick and Warrick walk into the office.) Warrick: Should we come back? Conrad Ecklie: No, no, no, come on in. So, how's your, uh, your surfer dude case? Warrick: Uh, the victim's roommate admits they got high together, but denies being in the jeep at the time of the accident. At this point, we can't place him there. Nick: Brakes on the jeep were functioning. The driver should've been able to stop. Catherine: Any signs of foul play? Nick: No. Something's not right. Conrad Ecklie: All right, nothing suspicious and no crime's committed? Put the case to bed. I'm sure your supervisor can keep you busy. Close it. (Ecklie leaves.) Warrick: Sounds like he's more concerned with getting it done than getting it right. Catherine: Are you guys satisfied? Nick: We don't have an answer. Catherine: Then get one. Warrick: What about Ecklie? Catherine: (sighs) My problem, not yours. (Nick and Warrick turn to leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Greg swabs the side of the shoe. He tests and finds blood.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY] (Hodges tests the tobacco in the pipe and places the pipe in the fumer. He closes the lid.) (Greg swabs another part of the shoe.) (Hodges removes the pipe and empties the bottom of the pipe. He takes a sample of the tobacco. He tests it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass sits across the table from Nelson Oakes, Dr. Watson. Nelson Oakes opens the small packet of sugar to put in his coffee and rips it open, spilling the sugar on the table.) Brass: You nervous? Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): A little. (He stirs his coffee.) Brass: Relax. Relax. Just two law enforcement professionals talking to one another, that's all. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I'm a security guard. Don't patronize me. Brass: I bet you always wanted to be a cop, am I right? So what happened? Flunk the physical? Huh? That's okay; lot of guys do. No? What was it then, psych? Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I was on medication. You can't be a cop if you're on this medication. Brass: But you can be Sherlock Holmes. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I was Dr. Watson ... Brass: Right. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): ... in our club. Denny was Sherlock Holmes. (Imitates Denny Kingsley.) "There can only be one." Brass: So, when Denny wasn't there, you could be Sherlock. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I suppose. Brass: That why you killed him? Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I didn't kill him. Denny was a friend, and if I wanted to be Sherlock, all I had to do was wait. Denny was quitting. We talked about it a lot. He said he was going back to his wife. Brass: So you went to his house, you shot him, and then you left, and you came back later with your pals and acted like nothing happened. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I went straight home after work. Brass: His blood on your shoe, tobacco ash from your pipe on the carpet next to his body -- that puts you where he was killed. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): No way. Brass: Look, there are two kinds of stories: Fact and fiction. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I know that. Brass: Sherlock Holmes: Fiction. Dennis Kingsley's murder: Fact. Your story: Fiction. Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): No, I swear. God help me, I'm telling the truth. I- I wasn't there. I didn't kill Denny. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Sara walks into the room with a file folder.) Sara: DNA confirms that the blood on Watson's shoe is a match to your vic. We got him. (Greg doesn't look up from under the magnifying glass. He sees something.) Sara: Feel like celebrating after shift? I'm buying. Greg: These blood drops aren't uniform. Some of them are clotted red cells, but others are pure serum. (Sara looks under the magnifying glass at the blood drops.) Greg: It takes at least twenty minutes for blood to clot and separate. If Watson killed Sherlock, the blood drops on his shoe would all be the same. Sara: The killer takes some of the victim's blood at the scene ... (Quick flash to: Someone takes a syringe and sucks up some blood from the scene. Camera zooms in to the red blood cells.) Sara: (V.O.) ...the red blood cells in the serum separate and get sprayed on the shoe later. (Cut to: Blood drops on the black leather shoe. End of flash. Resume to present.) Sara: Somebody's trying to frame Watson. (Camera holds on Greg.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Greg and Sara meet with Archie Johnson in the Audio/Visual Lab. Archie is looking at a site on the internet, epackrat.com, and is scrolling through the various items up for bid.) Greg: Jeez, all his stuff is up for auction. This is Dennis Kingsley's entire collection. He's getting rid of everything. Archie: Might have needed the cash? Sara: I don't know. Maybe he was just trying to get back to reality. Greg: Hold it. (The scrolling stops on a mother of pearl handled Colt .45.) Greg: Murder weapon was a Colt .45 revolver, current whereabouts unknown. Archie: Huh, I thought you were looking for a book. Sara: We are. (She shows him the photo of the book.) We ran DNA on this blood stain. It's not the victim's, and there's no hits through CODIS. Archie: You think it's the killer's? Sara: Maybe. Greg: Come on, let's keep going. (They see the book listed on the site.) Greg: There it is - "The Hound of the Baskervilles". (The photo of the book shows no blood on it.) Sara: When he photographed it, there was no blood on the pages. Greg: Can you pull up the bidding history? Archie: Yes, I can. Greg: Let's see who's interested. (The list reads: BIDDING HISTORY ITEM # 0578154 THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES # OF BIDS: / TIMES / BIDDER HANDLES: 1 / 10:50 pm / Nikig0017 - Los Angeles, CA 1 / 11:20 am / Reichenbach - Henderson, NV 1 / 1:22 pm / Filia_30 - New York, NY 1 / 5:25 pm / Reichenbach - Henderson, NV 1 / 6:30 pm / Reichenbach - Henderson, NV 1 / 10:05 am / Nikig0017 - Los Angeles, CA (Archie highlights the "Reichenbach" buyer.) Archie: Huh. Reichenbach. Greg: What's the big deal about that? Archie: Reichenbach Falls? (He looks at Greg. Greg shakes his head. Archie turns and looks at Sara. She doesn't know either.) Archie: It's where Professor Moriarty killed Sherlock Holmes. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINER - BACK KITCHEN -- DAY] (The order-up bell rings.) (In the back, Greg and Sara interview Josh Frost, Prof. Moriarty.) Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): The 1902 first British Edition of the Hound? Of course I wanted it. I'm a doctoral candidate in English history. I helped Denny create that astonishing verisimilitude of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Britain. Sara: Oh. Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Order! (He puts the plate up.) Sara: He was selling the collection off in pieces. It must have pissed you off. Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): He was a self-destructive narcissist. If he had to give it up, we all had to give it up. Sara: And you weren't willing to do that? Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): As you can see, the modest stipend I get from my graduate studies doesn't go far. What I offered for the Hound is every penny I had. Order! (He rings the bell again.) Greg: But then he put it up for auction, and made you bid for it. When the price got too high, you confronted him. Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): That is empty speculation, my friend. Sara: Hold out your hands for me, please? Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): My hands? Sara: Yeah. Your hands. Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Fine. (He puts his spatula aside and shows them his hands. His index finger on his right hand has a bloodied band-aid on it.) Greg: Ooh, that looks like a paper cut to me. Are we gonna find your blood on that book? (Quick flash to: [STUDY] Josh Frost and Dennis Kingsley are arguing. Josh Frost is holding the book.) Dennis Kingsley: If you can't pay me what it's worth ... Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Oh, come on, you owe me as much. Come on. Come ... (The two wrestle for the book.) Dennis Kingsley: Give it! (Dennis Kingsley pulls the book out from Josh's grip leaving him with a bleeding finger.) Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Ow! Bloody hell, Dennis. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Fine, fine, fine. Yes, I stopped by Dennis's house earlier that evening to make my case, but I didn't kill him. If I had, believe me, I would have taken that book. (Greg and Sara share a look.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (Warrick and Nick enter the garage.) Warrick: Tow truck will be here in about an hour. Nick: All right, we're on the clock. Let's take this thing apart. (Nick opens the front door and climbs into the driver's seat. He sits down and reaches for the ignition keys.) (Warrick climbs into the back of the jeep. He looks around and sees something on the bars.) (Nick looks under the driver's wheel panel. He pulls out a piece of melted plastic.) (Warrick lies back on a dolly and slides under the jeep. He sees something.) (Nick pulls out the wires from under the panel and checks it. They look burned.) Nick: Hey, I've got some blown fuses and some fried wiring up here. Warrick: Yeah? Nick: Yeah. Warrick: I've got some burn marks on the undercarriage. And I found something similar on the roll bar, as well. Nick: Well, that would indicate some sort of electrical shock. Warrick: Well, if an electrical charge traveled through the jeep, and shorted out the wiring, it would have shocked Cory, as well. Nick: Like what, lightning? Warrick: Yeah, but it was clear yesterday. Whatever it was, it zapped the hell out of his jeep. Nick: Let's go back out there and check it out. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CRASH SITE OF ROAD -- DAY] (Nick and Warrick are back at the crash site.) Nick: Cory was coming from Lake Mead, which is that way. Warrick: Let's walk. Nick: Yeah. (Nick and Warrick walk up the road and look around.) (Dissolve to: Nick is on the left side of the road while Warrick looks on the right side of the road. Nick continues up the road.) (Dissolve to: Nick looks around and kneels down on the road. He finds something.) Nick: Wire trimmings. They look fresh. (He snaps a photo of it. Warrick picks it up. He looks up at the wires above them.) Nick: Looks like a new splice on those wires. Warrick: Well, the power company originally called that jeep in. They must have been out here fixing the lines. Maybe it was a down line. That would give us the high voltage power source right there. Nick: Yeah, but even if a live wire struck the roll bar, the tires would have insulated the vehicle. Warrick: Right. Without a path to ground, electricity is harmless. (They look around and see the wire road marker bent and embedded in the ground.) Warrick: What about that road marker? (They walk over to it to look at it. They kneel down.) Warrick: It's bent in the direction Cory was driving. Nick: Black transfer. Wasn't the undercarriage of Cory's jeep black? (Quick flash to: [ROAD] Cory's jeep runs over the marker on its way down the road. End of flash. Resume to present.) Warrick: This marker would have grounded the jeep. Nick: Completing the circuit, and theoretically, electrocuting the vehicle. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (The monitor reads: Mother of Pearl Chip Evidence # GS-17 (Greg is back in the lab looking at the evidence. He scrapes the dust off of the chip and looks at it under the microscope.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY] (Greg walks into Grissom's office.) Greg: I want to go back to the crime scene. (Grissom looks up and removes his glasses.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT] (The doors to the study open. Greg and Grissom enter the room.) Greg: The grips of Dennis Kingsley's antique Colt .45 were mother of pearl, consistent with the chip collected here. I identified trace on the edge of that chip, and it's red clay dust. (He walks over to the fireplace and kneels down, looking inside.) Greg: (sighs) The fire's fake, but these red clay bricks are real. Grissom: So, what are you looking for? Greg: Well, the killer obviously left with the gun. And if there was some kind of struggle, maybe the killer left behind some skin fragments or a strand of hair. (Greg looks around the fireplace.) (Quick flash to: [STUDY] Dennis Kingsley and the killer struggle for the gun. The gun flies out and a piece of the mother of pearl handle chips onto the floor.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Grissom: Was there any evidence of a struggle in this room? Greg: Not really. (Greg continues to look completely into the fireplace. He flips the light switch on and finds something completely unexpected.) Grissom: Well, so much for the obvious. (Hanging from a rubber tube tied to the top of the chimney is the missing gun.) [SCENE_BREAK] WHITE FLASH IN. [INT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT -- FLASHBACK] (Dennis Kingsley kneels in front of the fireplace and stretches the tubing tied around the gun handle. He sits down and cocks the gun as he places it at his temple.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) [INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT] (Greg shares his findings with Sara.) Sara: He committed suicide? Greg: The man was a credit to his genre. He runs a loop of surgical tubing through the weapon secured inside the chimney. (Greg shows the photo of the gun hanging in the chimney.) Greg: A shot of morphine a few minutes earlier takes the edge off. Sara: And it provides extra insurance in case the gun doesn't finish the job. (Quick flash to: [STUDY] Kingsley shoots himself. He drops the gun and it recoils back up the chimney. End of flash. Resume to present.) Greg: It would have been easy for him to plant Watson's brand of tobacco ash on his floor. I figure, Sherlock drew his own blood in advance and then sprayed it on Watson's shoe at their last meeting. Sara: The world's greatest detective makes suicide look like murder? (Greg nods.) Sara: Why would he try and frame his best friend in the process? Greg: Well, Watson said they were friends, but who knows what kind of relationship they really had. Maybe they hated each other. Maybe Dennis couldn't stand the thought of anyone else being Sherlock. Besides, I thought motive wasn't our business. Sara: It's not. Write it up, give the report to Grissom. Way to go. Greg: All right. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (Nick and Warrick are busy prepping the dummy for their experiment. They wrap the dummy completely in plastic wrap.) (Through several time cuts, they proceed to make a gel mold of the dummy.) (They take the mold off of the dummy.) (Nick slaps the flat of his hand on the gel dummy's head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO GARAGE] (Catherine walks into the garage. She finds Nick standing on the jeep setting the experiment up. The gel dummy is behind the driver's seat.) Catherine: What ... what is going on? Nick: We're finishing up the case. Catherine: Do you know how much ballistic joe costs? Warrick: I didn't know you did. Catherine: I just thought you guys were gonna go over your notes, look over the case file. Warrick: Well, hold on now. We found electrical burn marks on the roll bar and the jeep's undercarriage. And we found blown out fuses on the instrument panel and the starter. That would explain why the jeep wasn't running. Nick: Yeah, we called Nevada Power, and they confirmed there was a downed power line the day of the accident. Catherine: So, you're saying the victim was electrocuted? Nick: Yeah. Warrick: So we replaced the fuses, we connected the jeep to a power source, and we hooked up gelatin man here to a meter. (Nick bounces on the jeep.) Catherine: Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle, I get it. Well, you're gonna need at least six milliamps to prove your theory. Nick: I'm on it. [SCENE_BREAK] (They start the car engine.) (Warrick puts his goggles on.) (He flips the switch.) (The latch holding the pipe releases and swings down, connecting with the jeep.) (From their safe distance away, they see the jeep spark at the connection.) (The milliamps meter remains at zero.) (Catherine, Nick and Warrick watch the jeep sparks burn out.) Catherine: Congratulations. You killed the jeep, but the victim's still alive. The current never even made it past zero. So, either your theory is wrong, or you've got a problem with your experiment. Are there any variables in the case that haven't been duplicated here? Nick: Same vehicle, power's good. So, why isn't Mr. Wiggles connecting? Warrick: He's naked. Catherine: Well, let's dress him up. [SCENE_BREAK] (They finish putting clothes on the gel dummy.) (They start the car engine. Warrick, Nick and Catherine put their goggles on. Warrick flips the switch.) (The powerline hits the jeep bar.) (Quick CGI POV to: The surge of electricity sparks through the jeep bar and down to the side of the jeep frame. It makes contact with the victim's wrist watch, through the victim and out through the metal rivets in the victim's shorts. End of CGI POV.) (The milliamps meter is at seven.) WHITE FLASH TO: (Warrick, Nick and Catherine meet at the jeep.) Warrick: So, the current came into the vehicle from the roll bar, and it went out through the undercarriage. Catherine: It needed an entry point and exit point. Nick: Entry through the, uh, the watch on his wrist and then exit through the rivets in his shorts. Catherine: Right across his heart, stopping it cold. (Quick flash to: [ROADSIDE-DAY] The jeep is traveling down the road. It hits the downed power line and runs over the metal mile marker just as the power line hits the jeep bar.) (Cut to: The jeep rolls down the side of the hill and stops at the bottom in front of the tree.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Catherine: So I know that I've never said this to you guys before, but ... hide the evidence. Nick: (chuckles) Thanks for getting our back. Catherine: We're a team, guys. Warrick: Oh, since we're a team, you gonna help us clean up? Nick: Yeah. (Catherine laughs.) Catherine: No. I'm the boss. (She turns and leaves. Warrick and Nick chuckle.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Catherine meets Ecklie in the hallway.) Conrad Ecklie: I thought you told me you closed the Cory Demayo case. Catherine, nothing happens in this lab that I don't know about. Catherine: Then I'm sure you know the case is now closed. Conrad Ecklie: Did I make a mistake promoting you? Catherine: Yeah, you should have given me the day shift. But I'm making it work. (Catherine walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (Grissom reads through Greg's final report.) (He thinks about it and flips back to the report: MORPHINE .07 (Grissom picks up the police autopsy report. He reads through it: ADDITIONAL TESTING PERFORMED COCAINE Elevated (He picks up the first report with the syringe contents: MORPHINE.) (He again looks at the autopsy report: COCAINE.) (Something's not adding up. Camera holds on Grissom.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM -- DAY] (Greg is putting on his shoes while listening to rock music on his earphones.) (Grissom appears in the doorway holding the open file folder.) Grissom: Greg. (Greg doesn't hear him.) Grissom: (louder) Hey, MTV boy. (Greg removes the earphones and turns the music off.) I have a question about your report. Greg: Okay. Grissom: According to autopsy, the victim showed long-term effects of cocaine abuse. Greg: That's right. Grissom: But according to tox, the substance in the victim's syringe was a seven percent solution of morphine. Greg: Yeah. Grissom: The victim was an obsessive compulsive. In the stories, Holmes' preferred stimulant was a seven percent solution of cocaine, not morphine. Greg: Evidence out of context. Grissom: Did you ever consider the possibility that the victim didn't realize what he was injecting himself with? Greg: No. You think someone switched his coke with morphine? Grissom: You found the victim's fingerprints on the gun, but you found no prints on the surgical tubing, no epithelials either. Does that make sense if it was a suicide? Greg: I guess not. Grissom: Do you have any other suspects who have access to morphine or surgical tubing? Greg: I can find out. Grissom: I would do that. (Grissom turns and leaves. Greg sighs heavily as he buttons his jacket and kicks his locker door closed.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Grissom is examining the tubing under the magnifying glass. Greg walks into the lab.) Greg: I went through the medical records for all of our suspects. As far as I can tell, none of them have ever been prescribed morphine. I think Watson's our best bet. The guy is a security guard at Desert Palms; he was certainly around morphine. (Greg looks over Grissom's shoulder as Grissom cuts open the tubing.) Grissom: Tobacco leaves. Run a quick comparison. This has to belong to one of our suspects. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Brass interviews Kay Marquette, Irene Adler. Greg watches from the observation room.) Brass: Do you like your life? Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): What kind of question is that? Brass: Well, I mean, I've seen how happy you are at work. And then I know you come home to Mom and I guess she has terminal cancer. That's got to be tough. Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Yeah, well, you try giving enough attention to someone who never gave you any. Brass: But the Sherlock Holmes Club, that's got to be one bright spot, hmm? Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): The one place I could go every week where no one was grabbing my butt or staring at my breasts. The one place I could talk, think. Brass: You must have been pretty devastated when Dennis Kingsley decided to break up the club, huh? Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): (shrugs) It was a disappointment. (Quick flashback to: [STUDY - NIGHT] Dennis Kingsley talks with his group.) Dennis Kingsley: Next week will be the final meeting of our society. But I give you my word, it shall be an evening none of you will ever forget. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: I think it's a lot more than that. Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): I don't know what you mean. (Brass slides the report across the table toward Kay.) Brass: Well ... the tobacco -- your blend is Cavendish. (Quick flash to: The contents of Kay's purse are a pipe and some surgical tubing.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Okay, why don't I tell this like a story, you know, like the end of a story, all right? Because I like the part where the detectives solve the crime. So here goes. On the day of the murder, you broke into Denny Kingsley's house. That's easy enough, the lock's crummy. You snuck downstairs. You replaced his cocaine with morphine, because you knew he was a creature of habit. So now all you had to do is wait. (Quick flashback to: [STUDY - NIGHT] Kay sets up the suicide and pulls the trigger.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: So you sprinkle some of Dr. Watson's pipe tobacco in the carpet. You scoop up some of Denny's blood, to splash on Watson's shoes later. Why the elaborate frame-up of Watson? He had as much to lose as you. Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Because he's the one that told Denny to give it all up and go back to his family. Because he's the one that wanted to be Sherlock Holmes, because he didn't care what it was doing to me. (She sniffles and leans forward.) Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): You see, Detective ... (British accent) Denny would have wanted his murder to be the perfect puzzle. A mystery worthy of the master. (She starts laughing.) (Camera refocuses on Greg in the observation room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Greg walks dejectedly through the hallway. At the end of the hallway, Warrick and Nick are talking.) Nick: Hey, Greg, Grissom wants to see you. Warrick: Like now, in his office. (Greg turns around and sighs heavily. Might as well get this over with.) (He heads for Grissom's office.) [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Greg walks into the office. He sees a dark figure behind Grissom's desk in his chair.) Greg: Grissom. You wanted to see me. (The chair swings around and we see that it's Mr. Gel Dummy dressed up as Grissom, a large sign stuck on his chest: YOU PASSED! (Everyone steps out into the room - Nick, Warrick, Sara, Catherine and Grissom. Ecklie is with them. They cheer and applaud him. Sara gives Greg a hug. Catherine kisses Greg's cheek and gives him a hug.) Catherine: Well done. (Everyone shakes his hand. Grissom smiles proudly at Greg.) Conrad Ecklie: Congratulations, Sanders. Good work. Greg: Thank you. Conrad Ecklie: Okay, gang, there's people to put in jail. Let's get back to it, shall we? Come on, come on, now. Party's over. Let's go. (Everyone leaves.) Nick: Good job. (Greg looks at Grissom.) Greg: I don't get it. I got the wrong guy, the wrong manner of death. Grissom: I don't expect you to be correct in all your interpretations all the time. You collected the evidence. You thought there was something missing, you went back and found it. Hey, that's the job. Congratulations, Greg. (They shake hands.) Greg: Thank you. (In the doorway, Catherine holds up a bottle of champagne while the others hold their glasses. They're waiting for Greg.) (Greg goes to join them. He rushes over and they hand him his glass.) Voice: Cheers. To you. (Camera holds on Grissom as he watches them celebrate.) FADE TO BLACK

Greg is doing his final proficiency test and he has a case to solve. Ironically, he investigates the death of a Sherlock Holmes wannabe who is obsessive to the point of recreating the great detective's living room in his home, who died from a close-range gunshot wound. The murder weapon is not found at the scene, although all of the other pieces of evidence suggest that it was a suicide. Working under Catherine, Nick and Warrick work on a case of a dead man found in his car which veered off the highway. Dr. Robbins cannot find the cause of death and it is left to the two detectives to solve the mystery. The episode ends with Greg passing his test, resulting in him being promoted to CSI Level 1, thus finally fulfilling his dream of going out into the field.

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[Scene: Monica & Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there. Phoebe recites the last verse of "The Night Before Christmas", written in 1822 by Clement Clarke Moore (1779-1863), to Joey.] Phoebe: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle; and away they all flew like the down of a thistle; but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!" Joey: (impressed) Wow, that was great! You really wrote that? Phoebe: (smiling) Uh-huh. Chandler: (coming from the bedroom) Say goodbye elves, I'm off to Tulsa. Monica: I can't believe you're not gonna be here for Christmas. Ross: You're really not coming back? Chandler: Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired. Monica: It's so unfair, you don't even like your job! Chandler: So, who does? (The following responses are overlapping:) Phoebe: Oh, I like my job. Joey: I *love* my job. Rachel: Yeah, I can't *wait* to go back to work. Ross: I can't get *enough* dinosaurs! Chandler: I'm sorry I won't be here. Monica: It's just... It's hard enough not seeing you during the week, but for Christmas... alright, if this is what you have to do, I understand. Chandler: Thanks. (they kiss) I'll see you new year's day. Monica: (shocked) You're not gonna be here new year's eve?? Chandler: Did I not mention that? Monica: No! Chandler: (thinks for a second, then waves his arms, exclaiming:) ...AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! (and runs out of the apartment) --- Opening Credits --- [Scene: Chandler's Office in Tulsa, in the conference room. Chandler's staff/co-workers are sitting round the table; Chandler is walking around, when he notices a piece of paper attached to the back of his chair.] Chandler: All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas eve and you'd rather be with your familys, but there's *no* call (he takes it off) for writing "Screw you, Mr. Bing!" on the back of my chair! (he looks at it) -- By the way, you can all call me Chandler. (Wendy enters the conference room, carrying a cardboard box.) Wendy: Hey! Others: Hey. Chandler: Hey. Where've you been? Wendy: I was, uh, checking out that insurance company's Christmas party on three, oh, it was really beautiful, they have all these decorations and this huge tree and I just, uh... to hell with them, we have to work. -- So I stole ther ham. (She turns the cardboard box upside down over the conference table, a big piece of ham falls out.) Chandler: (to the others) You hear that? You may not be with your familys, but at least it's gonna smell like ham in here. Claudia: My kid's in a play right now. Chandler: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order. Nick: (reading off his card) "A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet". Chandler: Well, that's like money in your pocket! - Alright look, you want me to say it? This sucks. Being here sucks! This work sucks! Wendy: *Now* it feels like Christmas. Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your familys tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to. Nick: You can come to my house! Chandler: Haha, no thanks! Wendy: That was a nice pep-talk. Chandler: Oh, thanks! I'm... actually thinking about becoming a motivational speaker. Wendy: So, if you were home right now, what would you be doing? Chandler: Typical Christmas-y stuff, you know? Our holidays are pretty traditional... [Flashback to 410 - TOW The Girl From Poughkeepsie] [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing her holiday song.] Phoebe: So here is a, a very special holiday song that I wrote for some very important people to me. (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. Now, you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No, don't sing along. Monica, Moncia, have a happy Hanukkah. Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!" Happy holidays, everybody! [Flashback to 610 - TOW The Routine] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment, Chandler is there. Phoebe and Rachel enter.] Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, you look in the kitchen, I will look in the back closet. Chandler: I can save you time ladies, I'm right here. Phoebe: Yeah, Chandler why don't you take a walk? This doesn't concern you. Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica. Chandler: What? That's terrible! Phoebe: No-no, we do it every year! Chandler: Oh well, that, that makes it not terrible. Phoebe: No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us, that wily... minx. Rachel: Don't worry, we're just gonna search here for an hour, and then we're gonna go over to Joey's and search, OK? Chandler: No not okay, you can't look for Monica's presents! Phoebe: Oh no, we have to! Chandler: No, you don't have to, and you can't because I, I live here too. Phoebe: Well then, you should look with us. Chandler: Why? Rachel: Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas? Chandler: No, I have a great idea for a present for her. Phoebe: Oh, that's it? (Mimics Chandler) A great idea! Oh yeah. Rachel: Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And you've just gotten her one great present? I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why? Chandler: If I help, we can find 'em faster! Rachel: That's right! (Phoebe looks under the couch) Phoebe: Ooh ooh, we have a live one! Rachel: Oh, it's a Macy's bag! (Phoebe tips it upside down, and a shoe falls out) Rachel: Oh. Phoebe: Ooh, who's it for? Rachel: (Reading from a tag that's attached to the shoe) "Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you." [Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.] Joey: Rach, these are for you. Rachel: Wiper blades. I don't even have a car. Joey: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do. Chandler: OK, Pheebs, your turn. Phoebe: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas? Joey: Uh-huh. Phoebe: You guuuyys. Joey: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth. Ross: You got me a cola drink? Chandler: And, a lemon lime. Ross: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you another sweater. Chandler: And last but not least. (Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.) Joey: They're ribbed for *your* pleasure. [Flashback to 710 - TOW The Holiday Armadillo] [Scene: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's, Ross is costumed as an Armadillo.] Ross: Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights? Ben: Cool! Ross: Yeah! Monica: Come on Ben. (Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.) Ross: Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees... Chandler: (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him) Chandler: Hey! (Grunts as Ben hits him at full speed.) Ross: What are you doing here, Santa? Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man? Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember? Chandler: What? Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say. (They walk to the kitchen; everyone is lowering their voices) Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing? Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work! Ross: Thank you, but, but you, you gotta leave. Chandler: Why? Ross: Because, I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah, and, and you're-you're wrecking it. Chandler: But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly. Ross: I'm sorry Chandler, but this, this is really important to me. Chandler: Fine, I'll give the suit back. (Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.) Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.) Chandler: Santa? Really? Monica: Yeah, is that okay? Chandler: Did your Dad ever dress up like Santa? Monica: No. Chandler: Then it's okaaay! (They kiss.) [Scene: Back in the conference room in Tulsa.] Chandler: You know what, everybody? Go home. You should be with your familys. It's bad enough that we're working new year's eve. (All others are looking up, surprised) Did I not tell *anyone* about new year's eve? -- Alright, look, go! Go home, okay? Merry Christmas! Go. (All are leaving, wishing each other a merry Christmas, peace on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.) Chandler: Good, God's speed, good people! (he starts to close the door, turns around and sees Wendy) You're not gonna go? Wendy: Naah... I couldn't leave you alone. Chandler: Ah. Thanks. Wendy: Besides, I can't leave until their Christmas party downstairs clears out; there are some *pissed off* insurance people looking for that ham. Chandler: Ah. (The phone rings; he answers it) Chandler Bing. [Scene change back an forth: Mondler's Apartment, Monica's on the other end of the line. The phone's speaker is turned on, so the rest of the gang, sitting around the phone, can hear Chandler.] Monica: Hi Honey! We're all here; we just want to wish you a merry Christmas. Others: (simultaneously) Merry Christmas! (except for Phoebe...) Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Ble-blah-blar Blargh! (All the others look at her, stunned/incredulous) Chandler: Ahh, merry Christmas; I miss you guys! Monica: So is it horrible? Is everybody working really hard? Chandler: Ah, well no, it's just uh, me and Wendy. Monica: Wendy? -- That sounds like a girl's name. Chandler: It is. Did I... not tell you about her? Monica: Umhmm, umhmm, about the time you told me about new year's eve. Where is everybody else? Chandler: I send them home. Monica: Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty? Chandler: Uhh, uh... Ross: (in a low voice) Answer faster, answer faster! Chandler: I don't know! Ross: (in the same low voice) Answer better, answer better! Chandler: I don't think of her that way, you know, she's a, she's a colleague. Monica: What does she do there? Chandler: Oh, she's regional Vice President; She's... just below me. Monica: She did WHAT? Chandler: BE-LOW me! Joey: Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma? Monica: *What*?? Chandler: Well, she... she didn't win... Monica: Alright, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work. Chandler: Well, second prettiest that year; I mean, of *all* the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably... Rachel: (interrupting him) Oh Chandler, stop talking! Chandler: Honey, there's really nothing to worry about. Monica: Okay. Chandler: I'm serious! Monica: Okay! Chandler: Merry Christmas. Monica: Merry Christmas. Chandler: Merry Christmas, you guys! Others: (simultaneously) Yeah, Merry... Christmas. (again, Phoebe...) Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Blah blargah, blar-blab. (Again the others just look at her, silent, puzzled.) [Scene: back in the conference room in Tulsa] Chandler: (hanging up the phone) The wife says "Hi!". Wendy: Ah. Fun conversation? Chandler: Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen. Wendy: Huh? Really? -- Hm, that'd be so terrible? (She gets hold of Chandler's tie, slowly moving her hands upwards on the tie, getting closer and closer to him, seductive.) Chandler: This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but... you're getting ham on my only tie. (She's getting closer to him, the scene fades to black.) [Scene: The conference room in Tulsa again, Chandler is trying to evade Wendy] Chandler: Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still keeps her grip on his tie.) Wendy: (laughs) ...Missy? Chandler: I don't know; I'm not used to girls making passes at me! ... (She lets go of his tie) Wait a minute... am I sexy in Oklahoma? Wendy: You are to me... (She gets closer again, putting her arms around his waist/chest.) Chandler: (flattered) No,... no... (realizing) NO! (He quickly gets several steps away from her.) Look, I'm, I'm married! Wendy: So? I'm married. (Showing him the ring on her finger.) Chandler: I'm *happily* married. Wendy: Oh. What's *that* like? Chandler: Right. So, I'm sorry... Wendy: Seriously? Happily married. So that phone call before, that was ... happy? Chandler: Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us. Wendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me? (Chandler starts to think about it...) [Flashback to 716 - TOW The Truth About London] [Scene: London, Chandler's hotel room. He was getting ready for bed when Monica pays him a visit and they started talking] Chandler: I mean, you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight! Monica: Really? Chandler: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out? Monica: Well, not anymore. Chandler: But we don't do that. Monica: I know, I just thought it would be fun. Chandler: How drunk are you? Monica: Drunk enough that I know I wanna do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage. Chandler: (thinks) That's the perfect amount! Monica: Okay! (They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.) Monica: (breaking the kiss) Y'know what's weird? Chandler: What? Monica: This doesn't feel weird! Chandler: I know. Monica: You're a really good kisser. Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers? Monica: Hm-hmm! Chandler: Okay! (They do so and they take off their clothes.) Monica: Wow! You are really fast! Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you. Monica: We're gonna see each other naked. Chandler: Yep! Monica: Do you wanna do it at the same time? Chandler: Count of three? Monica: One! Chandler: Two! Monica: Two! Both: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.) Chandler: Well I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined. Monica: Eh, we weren't that close anyway! Chandler: Eh! (They start making out again) [SCENE_BREAK] [Flashback to 503 - TOW The Triplets] [Scene: A hallway in the hospital, Monica and Chandler are talking.] Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man? Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him. Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing s*x and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this. Monica: I think you're better than you think you are. Chandler: Really? Okay, so... Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop. Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay? Monica: Yeah. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around:) Don't do the dance. Chandler: Right! [Flashback to 524 - TOI Vegas, Part II] [Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.] Monica: I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. Chandler: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new. Monica: You're so efficient. I love you! Chandler: Let's go! (Starts to leave.) Monica: No-no-no, wait! We need something old! Chandler: Oh, okay, I have condom in my wallet that I've had since I was twelve. Monica: That'll work! Chandler: I don't think so. Monica: Okay, now we just need something borrowed! Chandler: (looks around) Here just...take this. (Hands her the sweater.) Monica: That's stealing! Chandler: No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress. (She does so and it makes her look pregnant.) Monica: Ohh. (Rubs her fake stomach.) Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.) [Flashback to 702 - TOW Rachel's Book] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.] Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that. Chandler: Ehh. Monica: Eh, you work for that. Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding. Monica: You do?! Chandler: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then, then that's what we're gonna do. Monica: Oh, you're so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff? Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college. Monica: You thought about that? Chandler: Yeah. Monica: How many kids were we gonna have? Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy. Monica: What else did you think about? Chandler: Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old. Monica: (laughs) Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding. Chandler: Sure you do. Monica: No, I want everything that you just said. I want a marriage. Chandler: You sure? Monica: Uh-hmm. Chandler: I love you so much. Monica: I love you. (They kiss.) [Scene: Mondler's Apartment, everyone except Chandler is there; they're opening their presents] Rachel: (opens her present from Ross; it's a dark-red scarf) Oohh, I love it! Ross: Really? You're not gonna return it? Rachel: Well, not (the|this) second! Phoebe: (at the window) Hey look, you guys, it's snowing! (The others all get up and go to the window.) Rachel: Oh wow, it's so beautiful... Ross: Wow, it really is! (They all stand a moment in silence, staring out of the window.) Monica: "Wendy" is a fat girl name. Phoebe: Aren't we done with that? Monica: Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. -- Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband is having s*x on a copying machine? (Shortly after that, Chandler enters.) Chandler: Hey! (Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.) Ross: Oh my god... Joey: Hey-heeyyy - Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle! Monica: What are you doing here? Chandler: I wanted to be with you. I missed you so much. Joey: Hey, hey, uh, who did you miss the most? Chandler: Monica. Joey: Got ya. (blinks an eye) Chandler: I never want to leave you again! Monica: But I thought if you left, you get fired. Chandler: Turns out they can't fire me. Because I quit. Monica: What? Ross: What, you, you really quit your job? Chandler: Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he *really* wants to do? Rachel: What do you really want to do? Chandler: (realizing) I have *not* thought this through! Monica: Oh my god! Chandler: I know, I, I should have talked to you first about it. Monica: No, I think that this is what you wanna do, I think it's great! Chandler: Thanks! Phoebe: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined. Chandler: (flattered) Ahh... Phoebe: Now give me my real gift. (Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica) Phoebe: (to Chandler) Thank you. Chandler: (to Monica) Here, pass these, will ya.. (points to the others) (Monica passes the Envelopes on to Ross, Joey and Rachel.) Ross: Oh, hey... (They all open their envelopes.) Ross: (reading off his card) "A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet." -- How did you know? Rachel: Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this. Chandler: I... thought it was a timely start to thinking about other people. Besides, this gift still says I love you guys. Joey: Mine's is to Lilian Myers. Chandler: I don't have a *job*! --- Closing Credits --- [Scene: Mondler's Apartment, Monica is cleaning up, Chandler is sitting on the couch, checking the Job offers in a Newspaper.] Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man! Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow? (Chandler looks at the bill, thinking... then looks at the offer in the Newspaper and makes some dancing moves to see if he's up for the job...) --- End ---

Chandler, stuck in Tulsa on Christmas Eve, is alarmed when a female co-worker Wendy ( Selma Blair , "the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma"), makes a pass at him. Having had enough, he quits his job and makes it home to Monica and his friends in time for Christmas. This story serves as a framing device for the fifth of Friends' six clip shows .

fd_Hell_on_Wheels_01x03

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[ EXT. Establishing shot of Hell on Wheels at night; Johnson's former tent/office, now BOHANNON's ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT-BOHANNON's tent/office ] ( BOHANNON is going through Johnson's things. He flips through books but doesn't find what he's looking for. He puts his fingers to his brow before opening a box. There are papers and newspaper clippings, one reading "Strange Murder in Capital: Union Veteran Shot in Confessional". He sighs and then notices a secret panel in the lid of the box. It contains a picture of people at Lincoln's deathbed, Daniel Johnson in his Union captain's uniform, and a photo of a Union army company. ) ( BOHANNON remembers killing three of the men in the picture: Corporal Buckton Prescott in the confessional in Washington D.C., Private Wustner while he was in an outhouse, and Lieutenant Tanner while he lay in bed. Only one man remains, Sergeant Harper, but his face is blurred. BOHANNON folds the picture in half. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Hell on Wheels, the next day ] ( The engine moves along the track as another day begins in Hell on Wheels. Blacksmiths forge in the open air and people go about their business. Reverend Nathaniel Cole is preaching to the people in Hell on Wheels from outside his church tent, though no one is paying much attention. Across the road, Mickey McGinnes dumps out a bucket while his brother, Sean, stands nearby outside their Magic Lantern Show tent. ) Cole: Good morning, sinners! I can say that because I'm a sinner too. I know the dark path of drink and debauchery. I traveled it well. Now, I'm on the path to God's light and I invite every last one of you to come along. All are welcome: black, white, sinner, or saint. ( to Mickey and Sean ) Even you papists. All are welcome in God's house. Mickey: Thank you, Father. I mean, Reverend. Sean: ( to MICKEY ) Glad our dear, sweet mother wasn't here to see that. Mickey: What? ( wipes hands on a cloth ) I was being polite. Why are you always on me arse? Sean: The house was half-full last night. It'll be half again tomorrow. Mickey: ( crosses arms ) What do you want me to do about it? Sean: Worry about it, like I do! The Swede'll come calling, you know. Sooner rather than later. Mickey: ( nudges SEAN ) That must be the new girl. The savage woman. ( Across the road, young woman with dark hair, EVA, is hanging laundry on a line. ) Sean: What d'ya mean? Mickey: Haven't you heard? Mr. Toole told me the whole story. She was but a girl, as white as we taken captive years ago. Sold to the highest heathen bidder, she was. Some say she was a slave. Others claim she be an Indian princess. Sean: Oh, will you stop with your tall tales. She's just a whore, Mick. Mickey: Well, then go talk to her, you b*st*rd. Make me a liar. ( nods in EVA's direction ) Go on. ( Sean walks towards EVA. He looks over his shoulder and MICKEY smiles at him. ) Sean: Good morning to you. ( She turns, revealing blue tattoos on her chin. SEAN is shocked. EVA yells at him in an Indian language. SEAN, terrified, backs up and trips, falling into the mud. He gets to his feet and runs back to MICKEY, who is laughing. EVA smiles for a moment. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Outside BOHANNON's tent/office ] ( The railroad workers wait anxiously outside Bohannon's tent. The men talk amongst each other, separated into crews. ) Psalms: ( to the Negro cut crewmen ) Buy the man a drink first, that's what I hear. Buy the man a drink and take him out and goes savage as a meat axe on him, you hear me? Elam: He didn't kill Johnson. Psalms: ( to ELAM ) They's going to hang him. Elam: They didn't...yet. ( BOHANNON exits his tent and stops, surprised by the crowd gathered. MR. TOOLE steps forward ) Toole: ( removes his hat ) Hey, Mr. Bohannon, sir. Fine day, is it not? Bohannon: Fine or not, I guess we got a good day's work ahead of us, huh? ( puts on coat and addresses one of the walking bosses ) Mr. Kretschmar, I need that rail-end leveled down to the next marker. ( turns to TOOLE ) Mr. Toole, I need you and your men at the end of the iron. Looks like the train's bringing down that load of ties. Alright? Toole: Yes, sir, Mr. Bohannon, sir. Bohannon: ( turns to ELAM ) Elam, I need you and your men... ( points with hat ) Elam: ( interrupting ) It's Mr. Ferguson. Bohannon: ( clearly irritated ) Elam. ( pause ) You and your men get down in the cut. Swede (O.C.): I need men. ( rides up with BOLAN and Dix ) Men not afraid of the heathens. Men not afraid of making some money. Bohannon: What is this about? ( leans against tent pole ) Swede: The Fair-Haired Maiden of the West. ( looks hard at BOHANNON ) Mrs. Lily Bell. She has been taken captive by the Cheyenne Dog Soldiers. And Mr. Durant has promised a bounty to the men who rescue her. Bohannon: Ain't nobody going nowheres or there won't be a job waiting for you when you get back. Swede: Dix will take a party north. Bolan south. ( starts pointing to different men in the crowd ) You. You, ja? You. Bohannon: I told you, I can't spare these men. ( The SWEDE wheels his horse and rides closer to BOHANNON. ) Swede: Mr. Durant wants her found. Bohannon: Mr. Durant wants a railroad built. Swede: ( pointing to two more men ) You and you. Bohannon: ( walks towards the SWEDE ) No, this ain't happening. Elam: Boss man, let 'em go. We can do their work and our work. ( BOHANNON turns and nods. ) Bohannon: ( to the SWEDE ) You get your men and get the hell out of here. ( The SWEDE gestures with his head and he and his men leave. The crowd begins to disperse ) Bohannon: One more thing, I'm looking for a man named Harper. Frank Harper? He's a friend of Johnson's? Toole: I believe he's out with the logging crew. Bohannon: Where's that? Toole: Must be fifteen, twenty miles west of the cut by now. ( Crowd disperses to perform their different tasks. ELAM walks up to BOHANNON, who is unhitching his horse ) Elam: ( quietly ) Is that a bullet? Bohannon: What? Elam: What you got for Sergeant Harper. Bohannon: Ain't you got some work to do? ( climbs in saddle ) Yours and theirs? Get to it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Establishing shot of DURANT's train car ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT-DURANT's train car ] ( The TELEGRAPH OPERATOR is sending telegrams while DURANT reads over documents and the YOUNG ENGINEER works on a map. The SWEDE stands in front of DURANT's desk. ) Swede: People, they are scared. The Indian massacre. They seen the bodies. Heard the stories. Your stories. Durant: I need troops. Swede: Seven men we lost last night. Left the employ of the Union Pacific; some on the train, others just run off. More tonight I expect. Seems the men prefer to keep their scalps on their heads. Durant: ( to YOUNG ENGINEER ) Are you afraid? Young Engineer: No, sir, Mr. Durant. Durant: ( to TELEGRAPH OPERATOR ) What about you? Telegraph Operator: Well, as a matter of fact, I-I... Durant: Enough. ( to YOUNG ENGINEER ) Now, why do you want to sh1t on my railroad? Young Engineer: ( nervously points to map of route ) Uh, well, under our current pace, uh, we won't make the forty mile mark so what uh I would propose is uh we ( draws imaginary line through map ) straighten the route. Durant: The route remains the same. Young Engineer: But Mr. Durant as I understand it, the deadline's been pushed up and in light Central Pacific's recent advances... Durant: ( forcefully ) Keep to the plan. I'll make it a reality. Young Engineer: Yes, sir, Mr. Durant. ( The SWEDE stands by, smiling ) Durant: You're amused? Swede: No, sir. I'm just looking forward to watching yet again as you smite the forces agin' you. Durant: The search continues? Swede: For the maps? Yeah. ( nods ) Durant: For the woman, Lily Bell. Swede: I've got my men out, despite Mr. Bohannon. Durant: Still more concerned about your killer than my railroad. Swede: No, sir. But whoever cut Daniel Johnson's throat is of ongoing concern. Durant: More importantly, is my new foreman building my railroad? Swede: He is. Yet, there is something about the man that does not quite add up. Durant: ( sighs, exasperated and turns to TELEGRAPH OPERATOR ) To: Jordan Crane, Washington D.C. Stop. ( holds brow ) Honorable Senator. Work continues at a fever pace. Stop. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT-Woods somewhere outside Hell on Wheels ] Durant (V.O.): However, hostile native action threatens progress. Stop. The march of civilization in jeopardy. Stop. To heal the nation we must displace the savage. Stop. Otherwise the savage will displace us. ( It is drizzling and JOSEPH BLACK MOON rides with LILY BELL. She is unconscious and very pale. ) Joseph: Mrs. Bell. ( no response ) Mrs. Bell? ( pulls horse to a stop ) Woah, woah. ( JOSEPH pulls LILY from the saddle and lays her on the ground. He kneels over her and removes his hat. He inspects her wounds. He hears the click of a rifle. He turns to see BOHANNON looking down the barrel of a Henry rifle. ) Bohannon: You speak English? Joseph: Yes, sir. Bohannon: ( gestures with rifle ) Move. Who are you? Joseph: Joseph Black Moon. Bohannon: Cheyenne? Joseph: Christian. ( he approaches BOHANNON ) Bohannon: Woah, woah, woah. Hold steady. ( pats down JOSEPH ) Joseph: I'm unarmed, sir. Bohannon: What did you do to her? Joseph: ( confused ) I-I didn't do... Bohannon: Hey, what did you do to her? Joseph: I saved her. Bohannon: ( incredulously ) From the Indians? Joseph: Yes, sir. She took an arrow to the shoulder. I'm trying to take her to the railroad to see the doctor. ( BOHANNON looks skeptical. He kneels next to LILY and removes his hat. He feels her forehead and pulls back the neckline of her dress to examine her wound. ) Bohannon: When this happen? Joseph: Two, maybe three days ago. ( BOHANNON takes out a hip flask and takes a swig. ) Bohannon: My horse, there's a field kit in the saddle bag. ( JOSEPH goes and gets the field kit. BOHANNON opens his pocketknife. ) Joseph: Here. ( hands the kit to BOHANNON ) Bohannon: Hold her down. ( JOSEPH holds down LILY by the right shoulder. BOHANNON cuts open LILY's sutures with a pocketknife. LILY comes to. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO LILY's perspective: Spinning tree tops and suddenly BOHANNON and JOSEPH's faces. BOHANNON takes another swig from the flask, liquid dripping from his lips. ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO regular perspective: LILY looks down at her shoulder and screams. ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO LILY's perspective ] Bohannon: Hoah! Hold her down. Shh shh! Stop! Stop! [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO regular perspective: BOHANNON digs in LILY's shoulder with a medical tool while she screams in agony. ] Bohannon: Hold on. ( BOHANNON pulls out a small shard of the arrowhead from her wound. She gasps in relief. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. The cut ] ( The Negro cut crew are digging the cut in the heat of the day. PSALMS, stripped down to his pants and suspenders, is complaining loudly to anyone who will listen while using a sledgehammer. ) Psalms: Now, the man say we got to do our work and theirs. But I ask ya, why ain't that Negro ass down here with us? Y'all know who he is, that's all I'm saying. Back in the day, them days was bad, don't get me wrong. Master drove me hard. Nearly drove me to the grave. You hear me? Some things was better back then, at least you knew your place. ( ELAM walks up and stands above PSALMS on the side of the cut. ) Elam: Psalms! Less talk, more work. ( PSALMS stares up at ELAM and sticks the sledgehammer into the dirt. ) Elam: Bust me some stone, Negro. Psalms: How 'bout I bust me your head? ( ELAM walks down into the cut and stands in front of PSALMS. ) Elam: You got something to say to me? Psalms: Yes, I do. Elam: What would that be? Psalms: ( to other men ) How come we got to do the white man work, huh? Oh, that's right. 'Cause you think you is the white man. Not the high yella house nigger you is. ( Explosion in the background. ELAM and PSALMS stare each other down. ELAM picks up a sledgehammer. The other men watch ELAM and match his pace. ) Elam: We got to do their work and our work but this ain't for them. This is for us. White man ain't gonna give you nothing. 'Cause they want us to fall. They all want us to fall. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Woods outside Hell on Wheels ] ( It has started to drizzle and JOSEPH is building a small fire. BOHANNON carries LILY and places her on the ground. She is unconscious. He feels her forehead and touches a strand of her hair, looking down at her. He stands and moves to his horse. He mounts. ) Joseph: Hey. Sir, you leaving? Bohannon: Yep, somewheres I gotta be. ( stars down path ) Joseph: Thank you, for helping her. Bohannon: Yep. ( BOHANNON starts to ride off but stops, thinks, and wheels his horse back around. ) Bohannon: ( to himself ) Dammit. ( to JOSEPH ) You haven't thought this thing through, have you? Joseph: What do you mean? Bohannon: Indian brings that woman back to town, Indian don't get out alive. Joseph: ( genuinely confused ) But I live there. At the church. ( he stands ) Bohannon: You don't get it do you, boy? They brought them back in yesterday on a buckboard. Everybody seen what they did to them bodies. ( JOSEPH sighs and looks away. ) Bohannon: Why cut 'em up? Huh? What do your people get out of it? Joseph: You're people have done much worse. Bohannon: ( chuckles ) Huh. Maybe. ( swings off out of his saddle ) Maybe. ( hitches horse ) But that ain't gonna keep them from skinning your ass you bring that white woman back to town. ( puts his hands on his hips and sighs ) I'll have to take her. ( BOHANNON kneels by the fire. JOSEPH storms over to his horse, mounts, and rides away. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Hell on Wheels, night ] ( PSALMS, ELAM, and other members of the Negro cut crew are walking through town after a hard day of work. ) Psalms: Explain to me why I work harder than them and they go to bed with three dollars more in their pocket than I do. Don't make a lick of sense. Elam: It don't. We work as hard as them, right? Psalms: Damn right. Elam: Then why don't we get the same reward? ( He indicates the whore house. ) Psalms: You crazy. Elam: We deserve a taste, too. Huh? Psalms: We can't go in there. Elam: You ain't one of them nasty boys is you, Psalms? Now, I know you get horny. I hear you back behind that tent every night. ( everyone laughs ) Damn, boy, you gonna go blind. ( More laughter. ) Psalms: ( sarcastically ) Heh heh heh. ( to ELAM ) Lookee here, you go in there, ( points to whore house ) you coming out on the bad end of a rope Elam: You ain't scared, is ya? Psalms: You're damn right I'm scared. Elam: Well, I ain't. ( ELAM grabs the brim of his hat in farwell and walks away. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Whore house ] ( Several men are laughing. TOOLE is finishing a story. ) Toole: She had a face like a hatchet and an ass like a Venus, I tell you. ( The men stop talking as soon as they see ELAM. ) Toole: What do you want, you mule-colored b*st*rd? Elam: To spend some hard-earned money, same as you. Toole: ( to men ) "Same as me," he says. ( to ELAM ) Have you looked in the mirror lately, Mr. Ferguson? You think we the same, well then you got a big surprise coming I tell ya. ( to men ) Face like a coal scuttle he has. Elam: Why don't you just mind your damn business. Toole: You the man to make me? ( EVA is standing in the doorway leading to the cribs. ) Eva: Well, if ain't Mr. Toole. Watch out, ladies, he's back. ( chuckles ) We call him the Blade, for he'll gut you like a trout. ( She walks up to ELAM. ) Eva: And who would you be? Elam: You're next customer. ( She laughs in his face. ) Toole: Look at him. Can't even land a cheap ass whore been plugged by every heathen buck in the territory. ( EVA's smile has dropped. ELAM puts his hat on and leaves. EVA sadly watches him go. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. BOHANNON and LILY's camp in the woods outside Hell on Wheels ] ( BOHANNON is tending the fire. LILY awakes and sits up. She looks around. ) Bohannon: ( holds up Robert Bell's map case ) Is this what you're looking for? ( He tosses it to her and she holds it. ) Lily: My shoulder's feeling much better. ( no response ) Where's Joseph? Bohannon: He took off. Lily: Why? Bohannon: Ma'am, it is way too late and way too wet to be trying to figure out some Indian, alright? Lily: I regret we haven't been properly introduced. Bohannon: Cullen Bohannon. I work for the railroad. ( He stands and goes to lie down. ) Lily: Have I done something? Bohannon: It ain't what you done, it's who you are. Lily: What do you mean? ( He looks at her for the first time in the conversation. ) Bohannon: You ain't whore nor squaw. You shouldn't be out here. Lily: You don't know who I am or what I'm capable of. Bohannon: No, I don't and I sure as hell don't care. ( He turns over to go to sleep, leaving LILY to sit alone by the fire. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Establishing shot of DURANT's car ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT-DURANT's car ] ( DURANT is reading telegrams from Sen. Crane and drinking. ) Durant: "Request for military support to be taken under advisement. Very concerned regarding lack of progress. Need to understand impact of surveyor loss." The Honorable Senator is very concerned. If he were in my shoes he'd be downright suicidal. ( Goes to pour another drink but misses the glass and pours on the table. ) Durant: Damn! ( sighs ) Henri! ( HENRI, DURANT's French Negro servant enters the room. DURANT gestures at the spill on the table. HENRI sighs and frowns as he mops up the spilled alcohol. ) Durant: Your look of disdain reminds me of my dear wife back in New York. ( HENRI goes and gets DURANT's coat and helps him slip it on. ) Durant: What Hannah failed to grasp, is that where most men seek the warm glow that only whiskey can provide, I imbibe to fuel the conflagration. There's a fire in my belly which must be fed. Otherwise, we'll never see the Pacific. ( DURANT walks to the end of the car to exit. ) Henri: And did your wife accept this excuse, Monsieur Durant? ( DURANT stops and turns. ) Durant: As a matter of fact, she didn't. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Road in Hell on Wheels ] ( DURANT strolls along boardwalk looking in a tent where men are drinking. He steps off the end into a big puddle. He turns at the sound of a woman laughing. It is EVA, who is dumping a bucket into the street. He regains his composure. He sees the McGinnes Brothers' Magic Lantern Show and walks towards it. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. McGinnes Brother's Magic Lantern Show tent ] ( SEAN is counting money under a banner that lists admission at 5 . MICKEY is putting up the benches. DURANT enters the tent. ) Mickey: Sorry, mate. You missed the last show I'm afraid. Durant: Oh, very well, I see. ( turns to go ) Sean: Mr. Durant, sir, an honor and a pleasure. ( SEAN enthusiastically shakes his hand. ) Durant: Quite an establishment you've got here. I'm only sorry you're closed for the night. Mickey: Our next show begins at dusk tomorrow. Sean: Quiet, you daft b*st*rd. This is Thomas "Doc" Durant. A private view he'll be having Durant: Thank you. Ah, how much? Mickey: That'll be five... Sean: ( cuts of MICKEY ) Dollars. Going rate for a private show. ( DURANT chuckles but holds out the money. SEAN takes it. ) Sean: Mickey, show time. ( MICKEY flips over a bench and dims the lamps. ) Sean: I have followed your exploits and investments since I got off the boat. How you rose up from nothing, pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. You're a gentleman and a true capitalist. ( lights magic lantern and puts in the first slide ) Durant: Thank you. Durant: ( peers at image projected ) Hmm. I assume you two are immigrants from this beautiful country? Mickey: Aye. County Wicklow, to be exact. Sean: We left our sweet mother and four brothers and set out for the New World to seek our fortune. Durant: You left a beautiful life to come and wallow in this filth and squalor and muck. Mickey: Well, it beats starving to death. Durant: No, but you could have remained in New York or Boston or Chicago. There's plenty of work to be had. Yet you chose to come here. It makes me wonder why. Sean: Not quite sure what you mean, sir. Durant: Well, you and thousands like have followed me out here and I'm genuinely curious, why? Sean: Well, sir...it seemed a proper investment of our time and efforts. Mickey: That's not it at all. I remember it well, like it was yesterday. Sean: What are you talking about? Durant: What is it you remember? Mickey: ( smiles ) We were just lads, me and Sean. Never been much further afield than the bit a land our father worked, God rest him. And one day, we heard the whistle. ( laughs ) It was the Dublin Special on its daily run. Well, we jumped the steaming b*st*rd. It took us all the way to the city. ( laughs ) Sean: Yes, I remember. I never felt so free. Durant: The railroad gave you freedom? Mickey: Aye. And our father gave us the whipping of a lifetime. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Establishing shot of Hell on Wheels ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT-Church tent ] ( COLE is making coffins surrounded by the bodies of the men that were killed in the massacre. JOSEPH enters and is horrified by the bodies in the tent. COLE looks up and then back at his work. ) Cole: I prayed you'd stay away, my son. Joseph: This is my home. Cole: Not a very safe one right now for one born out of the Grace of God. Joseph: ( confused ) But I'm baptized, Father. Cole: Yeah, well, that does not always sway the cruel prejudice of others. It's not your fault. Joseph: ( clearly upset ) But it is. They were from my band. Our Dog Soldiers, they're the ones that did this. Cole: Your family had nothing to do with this. Joseph: I recognized the arrows, Father. It was my brother. ( shakes head ) Cole: You must tell no one. Never speak of this again. Joseph: But it's the truth! Cole: Never. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. JOSEPH's quarters ] ( JOSEPH cuts his hair using a tiny mirror hanging on a tent post. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. BOHANNON and LILY's camp, the next day ] ( LILY smothers the fire by kicking dirt into the smoldering ashes. She holds the map case and looks up to see BOLAN and two men ride up. She clutches the case. ) Bolan: Well, there you are, kitty cat. Lily: What do you want? [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: BOHANNON is in the woods smoking a cigar and turns at the sound of voices. He sees BOLAN and LILY. ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: LILY and BOLAN ] Bolan: Oh, we want you. We've been searching over hill and dale for the Fair-Haired Maiden of the West. We come to rescue you. Lily: I'm quite alright. Bolan: No, you ain't. You barely escaped massacre. You've been held captive. You been sullied by the heathen. Lily: You are out of order, sir. Bolan: Listen, you ain't come with us, we ain't get compensated. Oh, yeah, there's a bounty on your head now, one hundred gold eagles. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: BOHANNON eases his pistol out of the holster. ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: LILY and BOLAN ] Bolan: ( to one of the men ) Go ahead. ( The man dismounts and approaches LILY with his pistol drawn. LILY responds by pulling a knife from the map case. ) Bolan: Easy now, girl. You just take it easy. Lily: Stay back. Bolan: Easy now. Lily: Stay back! Bolan: Now, you're making this a lot more unpleasant than it has to be. ( BOHANNON shoots, calmly taking out the two men with BOLAN. BOLAN shoots back but misses completely. BOHANNON levels his pistol at BOLAN and shoots him in the ear. He walks over and is about to shoot BOLAN again when LILY bolts on horseback. ) Bohannon: ( takes cigar from his mouth ) Mrs. Bell! Dammit. ( He mounts his horse to pursue. ) Bohannon: ( to horse ) Come on! Bolan: ( clutching the side of his head ) My ear. My...my ear! Where is it? ( BOHANNON catches up to LILY and takes her reigns. ) Bohannon: ( pulling LILY's horse to a stop ) Woah, woah, hold up there. ( LILY dismounts and staggers away from the horses. She falls to her knees and weeps. BOHANNON dismounts and stands awkwardly with the horses. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Hell on Wheels ] ( It is raining and men are hauling coffins to the makeshift cemetery, where plots have been readied for the coffins. COLE plunges a wooden cross over one of the graves. ) Cole (V.O.): Death's no stranger to this Godforsaken place. Death abides in the hard labor of a rail gang or the searing heat of a prairie fire. Death abides in the bottom of a whiskey bottle or at the smoking end of a gun. There's death by famine, flood, or pestilence or a thousand other ways but, yes brothers, Death abides and he will reap his dark harvest. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Somewhere outside Hell on Wheels ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: BOHANNON and LILY ride together, BOHANNON still holding the reigns of LILY's horse. ] Cole (V.O.): But must we be Death's accomplice? Must we do his bidding? [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT-Church tent ] ( A large crowd has gathered for the memorial for those slain in the massacre. COLE is speaking in front of the crowd. ) Cole: I know that your hearts seek vengeance for the deaths of those men. I know, that but haven't we had our fill of war? Our fill of killing? The shedding of blood? ( picks up small Bible and kisses it ) "And they will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nations will not lift up swords against nation and never again will they learn war." Never again. It's Isaiah, chapter two, verse four Durant: ( speaking from second to last row ) "Wake up the mighty men that all the men of war draw near. Hammer your plowshares into swords and your pruning hooks into spears." ( stands ) Joel, chapter three, verse ten. I too am sick of war, Reverend ( moves to the front of the tent ) but we must constantly ask ourselves what are we fighting for? ( EVA is looking at ELAM sadly ) Durant: What is worth laying our lives on the line for? Robert Bell gave his life for this undertaking. This grand idea. And I assure you he did not give his life in vain. For he knew what this railroad would mean to us as a nation. He knew that this railroad is a new birth of freedom. Not just the freedom of long-distance travel but the freedom to chose your fate. The freedom to make your fortunes in this untamed land. And we cannot let that freedom be threatened by ragtag bands of marauding, Stone Age primitives. ( looks towards COLE and JOSEPH ) But that is not to say that there is not a peaceful solution. If they will put down their sticks and stones and come into the fold like-like this young man here, ( walks toward JOSEPH ) then we will talk peace. Look at him, wearing our clothes, ( touches JOSEPH's coat ) speaking our language, washed in the blood of our Savior. If these violent nomads roaming the plains are willing to do as he has done then there is very real hope that we might accomplish our mission peacefully. ( points emphatically ) If not, then they are the authors of their own destruction. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. On the outskirts of Hell on Wheels ] ( LILY and BOHANNON ride past the cemetery. ) Lily: It's been months since I've seen such a... Bohannon: sh1t hole? Hoah. ( pulls horses to a stop and gives reigns back to LILY ) You be alright from here? Lily: You're not talking me in? Bohannon: There's a church and a doctor straight on up ahead. ( wheels his horse to go ) Lily: Wait. What about the bounty? Bohannon: I told you, I got business to attend to. Cheyenne territory. Got 'bout four hours of daylight left. Gotta move. ( spurs his horse into motion ) Lily: Mr. Bohannon! ( He doesn't even turn to acknowledge her. )

Cullen resumes his quest for vengeance by learning the name of one of the men responsible for his wife's death. His plans change when he crosses paths with Lily and Joseph. She has been wounded from a Cheyenne attack on her camp that also killed her husband. Joseph has been seeking answers from his former tribe, including his own brother, about the savage attack. When Bolan and his men try to forcibly escort Lily for the ransom, in the fire exchange Cullen shoots Bolan's ear, then he brings her near Hell On Wheels, but he lets her enter the camp alone, showing no interest for the ransom. Elam ( Common ) is approached by his fellow freeman about not doing his share of the work. Durant telegraphs Senator Crane (James D. Hopkin), appealing for federal troops to help with the natives. Crane wires back his dissent about the troop request, the pacing of the construction, and Robert Bell's murder.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_02x08

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_02x08_0

"The Reluctant Hero" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe Jack: Kerr Smith Elated about winning the junior division of the Boston Film Festival, Dawson wants to share the triumph and prize money with Joey, whose less-than-enthusiastic response dampens his jubilant mood. As she pulls away from Dawson, Jack edges a little closer and asks her out on a date. Seeking solace, Pacey's guidance counselor paints a bleak picture of his future. Andie helps him buckle down, but she too needs to be saved, when her mother loses her composure in a public place. *Dawson's room - Dawson and Pacey are watching Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and eating pizza.* Pacey: Mind if I have these extra pepperonis? Dawson: Shh! Yes for the tenth time. Pacey: Could you pass me the crushed pepper? Dawson: Pacey, you're driving me crazy. Pacey: I'm a hungry person. Dawson: You're an annoying person. Pacey: I'm a bored person. I mean, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Dawson? C'mon! It's in black and white! Dawson: It's a Frank Cappra classic. Pacey: There's a bunch of dead people in it. Everyone in this movie is decomposing somewhere. It's morbid. You know, we got this whole section at the movie store called "New Releases". You should check it out. Dawson: Pacey, this is a timeless tale about a man faced with his heroic nature. Pacey: You know, I can't really connect with the whole (missed word) ground. That's more of your style, Dawson. Dawson: Are you insulting me? Pacey: Mm-mm. You're an endangered species, my friend. Last of a dying breed, and this movie is killing you softly with it's song. Dawson: You are insulting me. Pacey: No. I'm stating the obvious. You take in stray dogs, Dawson. You help old women cross the street. You just say no. You are Jimmy Stewart. Dawson: What does that make you? Pacey: The needless waste. Born to walk in the shadows of greater men. Dawson: Somebody's having a self esteem crisis. Pacey: Ah, no, no, no. On the contrary, my friend. Knowledge is power. I'm quite happy with my below average status. *Jen appears in the window, drunk.* Jen: I dropped my purse in the hedge, remind me tomorrow. It's bright in here. Hi Pacey. *She flops on the bed* Pacey: Looks like you got company. Dawson: Third time this week. C'mere. *moving towards Jen's feet* Help me out. Pacey: Once again, hero Dawson to the rescue. This isn't exactly the ideal situation...too bad for you. *Jen sitting up* Jen: Oohhhhh. I think I'm going to be sick. Dawson: Wastebasket, quick. *Pacey hands it to him. He puts it under Jen's mouth. Jen leans over it.* Jen: False alarm. *She flops back down on the bed.* Dawson: *to Pacey* I don't know what to do about her. She's spiraling. Pacey: Maybe you should just finish watching the movie. Jimmy Stewart would know what to do. *Cut to Leery kitchen. Mitch is reading the paper. Dawson walks in and spots him, surprised.* Dawson: Hey, what are you doing here? Mitch: Oh, I was just packing up some more stuff...movin' out. Dawson: Oh. Well, have fun. Mitch: Actually, I was going to see if you could give me a hand later. I thought we could grab a bite to eat, spend some time, be like a friend thing. Dawson: Sure. Might want to skip the friend thing, I kind of have real friend for that. Mitch: Look, Dawson. I know this isn't easy for you. And you're disappointed in me, and, believe me, I wish that things could be different, but-- Dawson: They're not. Mitch: I'm trying here, Dawson. See you after school, then? Dawson: Sure. *leaving* Mitch: Oh, before I forget, I grabbed this by accident when I was picking up my mail the other day-- Dawson: *takes the letter* Dad, look, I don't know what exactly you expect from me, but this isn't exactly a transition that I'm thrilled to make. And I don't see how you moving out is a step in the right direction. Mitch: That's my decision to make. Not yours. Dawson: I see. *He leaves. When he gets outside, he looks at the letter, he hurries to open it. He reads it, a huge smile crosses his face* Dawson: Oh my God! *Cut to Pacey in his counselor's office* Counselor: Well, Pacey, gradepoint average 1.7, currently failing biology, and US History, extracurricular interests, none, tendency to be disruptive in class, has difficulty with tests requiring a No.2 pencil, let's see here, career aptitude tests, well I didn't realize it was possible to fail an aptitude test. This shows that you have absolutely zero career objectives. Congratulations. Most people with your academic record can't walk upright. Pacey: What are my options? Counselor: Summer school, followed by a return engagement in your sophomore year, and if by some miracle you make it to graduation, a life of leisure. Until welfare reform kicks in that is. Well, nobody (missed phrase), now I'm really disappointed in you, Pacey. *Pacey sinks down in his chair and lays his head back* *Cut to hallway. Dawson is rushing down it* Dawson: Joey! Joey, wait up! Joey! We won! *Joey has a confused look on her face* Dawson: (cont.) We won, you and me! Joey: What are you talking about? Dawson: The Boston Film Festival. We won the Juror's prize for the best short film in the Junior division! *Joey is happy.* Joey: Oh my God! Dawson: Listen to this, "The clever send up of the horror genre shows a profound understanding of the traditional Hollywood fascinations and turns them upside down in an entirely refreshing and entertaining way.." *Joey is even more excited and happy for Dawson.* Dawson: (cont.)"..writer and director, Dawson Leery, and producer, Joey Potter, have been allotted a budget of $2500 towards their next project." *holding up the check* This is a check for $2500 to finance our next movie. We've already been pre-accepted in their Winter Workshop. *Joey looks up and smiles again, but this time a forced smile.* Joey: We? Dawson: Yeah! I mean, I know, I understand that we said we'd give each other space and I totally respect that, but I was wondering, er, I mean, hoping that you would still produce. Think about it. We could actually rent equipment! Say goodbye to holiday lamp(?) lighting and shopping cart dollies. I mean, if we move fast, we could get it finished by the summer, maybe travel with it, go to festivals-- Joey: Dawson. I'm really sorry, but I don't think I could do it. I mean, I don't think I have the time right now. I, I mean, I just signed up for some art classes and between work and school... Dawson: But we make such a great team. *Joey nods, but still holds firm.* Dawson: Okay. No, no, I understand. Joey: Listen, I mean, this is amazing! I mean, you should be thrilled! It's just incredible. It's-- Dawson: Yeah, it is. I am. I am! I'm thrilled. Joey: *softly* Good. Dawson: Alright. I'll see ya. *Dawson walks off down the hall. Joey stands there saddened knowing she disappointed him until a hand taps her on the shoulder* Jack: Joey? You got a second? Joey: Actually, I'm kind of late for second period.. Jack: Um, look, I'd really like to make things right between us. It will just take a second, okay? It was a full moon. I know that's no excuse, but I'm really sorry. Just tell me what I've got to do to get our friendship back on track here because this whole silent treatment thing is killing me. Joey: Jack, I'm not giving you the silent treatment, it's just I'm trying to figure things out. Jack: Yeah, but you've been avoiding me like I have some kind of disease. Joey: No, I've just had a lot on my mind lately. Jack: Oh, so you're not mad at me? Joey: No, actually, I think you had it right the night of the dance. More than anything I guess I was mad at myself. Jack: Oh, well then, get over it already. This whole line of personal turmoil thing just kind of wrinkles up your forehead. *They laugh* Jack: Besides, I miss hanging out with you. Joey: Gotta go. Jack: Yeah, see ya. *Joey leaves and Jack smiles and runs off towards his class* *Cut to Dawson in the lunchroom, typing on a laptop. Jen walks up and takes a seat* Jen: Hey you! Dawson: How's the hangover? Jen: Ah, post-Advil, fine. So, what are you writing? Dawson: A script. Jen: Really? That's great. Dawson: Yeah, great, and..*pulls out letter* here. Jen: *reads letter* $2500...Dawson, you won! You actually won. Dawson: Yeah, I did. Jen: Congratulations, I am so proud of you. Dawson: So how does it feel to be the star of an award winning film? Jen: An honor. Although, next time, I would like to request that you extend my dialogue beyond 'Help' and 'ahhh'." *They laugh* Dawson: That's a deal. *Cut to Pacey and Andie in the lunch line* Pacey: Then he tells me that I have no future that doesn't involve the fast-food industry. Andie: And he's called a guidance counselors. Pacey: Yeah, amongst other things. Andie: Just because a student doesn't fit into some cookie-cutter mold that the public school system deems acceptable they're ready to write 'em off. I mean, Einstein failed second grade and not because he was stupid but because he was bored. And the incompetency of an inferior public school system failed to recognize it. You know, they'd rather just dismiss someone who's in obvious need of some guidance, rather than reach out to him. I mean, if someone along the way had just taken two seconds to notice, to care, they would have noticed that you need to be rescued not ridiculed. *The entire cafeteria is watching Andie now.* Pacey: Ladies and gentlemen, Andie McPhee. *They clap.* *Cut to Jen and Dawson. Chris and a friend walk up to them.* Chris: Lindley. Jen: Hey, you guys! I was looking for you earlier. Chris: Impressed at your showing last night. I'm surprised to see you here. Jen: I recooperate well. Chris: Hey Dawson. Dawson: *barely looking up* Sup Chris. Chris: So, listen, I've got to confess. I am on a mission. Todd, here, is having a p-a-r-ty tonight. Todd: Kegs and eggs. Party til breakfast. Chris: Yeah, we're just getting the word out. Jen: Well, you know that you can sign me up. Chris: Excellent. See you there. *They walk off* Dawson: So, what's your deal with him? Jen: We've just been hanging out. What? Dawson: Well, I-- Jen: Come on, Dawson. Save me the character dissection. And while we're at it why don't you come with me? Dawson: Well, let's see. We've got script-writing-career-advancement on one side and useless-drinking-oblivion on the other. That's a tough call. Jen: Don't judge me, Dawson. If you don't want to go, don't go. That's fine, alright? But just because I'm finally enjoying myself, you don't have to treat me like I've been lost to the other side, okay? And I'm not out of control, all I'm doing is having fun. Alright? It's a simple three-letter word, fun. F-u-n. Dawson: I didn't say a word, Jen. *Cut to Pacey and Andie* Andie: This isn't funny, Pacey. It's just that you're entire future is on the line here and I think you should be a little more nervous. I mean, you're so not nervous, you're making me nervous. Pacey: Now that all my postulating of illigitimy(sp?) has been duely-documented, I kind of feel like a weights been taken off, you know? Andie: If that's the way that you perceive yourself, then that's the way people are going to look at you. If you act like a joke, people are going to treat you like one. Pacey: You finally figured it out. I'm not Luke Skywalker, I'm not even Luke Perry. There's no hero here, Andie. I am a joke. Andie: I'm not coming to your pity party. You know I don't think you're a joke, Pacey. Pacey: But it's too late. I've spent too long being a screw-up, I'm kind of passed the perverbial point of no return. Andie: Well, change your course. Break the chain. Anyone can re-invent themselves. I mean, it's America. Madonna does it every week. Pacey: But I don't know how. I don't know where to start. Andie: Try starting from the inside. I mean, anyone can change their fate. Heroes are made, not born. *Pacey stares at her and smiles thoughtfully.* *Cut to Jack and Joey in line.* Jack: Welcome to Shay(?) cafeteria. One of our specials tonight is a chateau bejou par two (sp? it was French I take it..). With a side of baby carrots on a bed of spring lettuce which I highly recommend. Now, we have some other specials tonight which include some reddish-yellow stuff down there, and of course we have this green gelatin dessert with a highly *smells it* suspicious nature. *Joey laughs.* Jack: Hey, um, what are you up to tonight? Joey: Probably just the usual. You know, have my driver pick me up around 8, go for a massage before my catered dinner aboard my yacht, then I may jet over to Paris to see the Matisse exhibit at the Loufe. Jack: Actually, that exhibit was moved to the (missed word) last week. However, I'm pretty sure I could get us reservations..say 8:00, at Billy's. *Joey looks at him confused.* Jack: You know, Billy, that hot dog vendor guy down at the dwarf(sp). Joey: You mean like a date? Jack: No, no, of course not. It's more like a dat. Joey: A dat? Jack: Yeah, you take the e of the date and you have a dat. Joey: And what do people do on dats? Jack: Well, there's really no code of conduct. Etiquette is definitely optional. We just kind of make up our own rules and the only requirement is that we have a great time. Oh, and don't worry. I checked out the lunar calendar. No full moon for weeks. *They laugh.* Joey: You know Jack, you do have a certain charm. *Jack smiles.* Joey: But, don't worry, I'm going to ignore it and hang out with you anyway. Jack: See ya. *He goes and sits down with Andie and Pacey.* Andie: Hey. Jack: I have a date with Joey. *Pacey just stares at him.* Andie: That's great. Jack: Yeah. Andie: *looking at Pacey* What? Jack: Ah, Pace, I'm sorry. I know Dawson's a friend of yours. Pacey: Yes, man, it's okay. Just leave me out of this, alright? Jack: So look, Andie, I know that it's my night with mom so if you don't want me to go out.. Andie: No, no, no. I have to stay in and study anyway. Pacey: We have to stay in and study, remember? Andie: Right...I can't believe I've forgotten. Jack, don't worry about mom. I mean, she's not entirely your responsibility. There's two of us. Besides, with that new medication she's on, she's doing so much better. Jack: Andie, come on. Mom pulled another sybil last week. Let's be honest with each other. Andie: Look, just go out with Joey, okay? Everything's under control. I've got it all under control. *Cut to Joey's house. She's getting ready and sees Dawson at the door.* Joey: Dawson, um, what are you doing here? Dawson: Um, this is for you. *hands her a small envelope* Joey: What is it? Dawson: Half of the prize money. You can use it for art classes or whatever. Joey: I..I can't accept this. This is for your movie. Dawson: Jo, I want you to have it. You deserve it. Jo, my intentions here are honorable. I'm not asking for anything in return. I just want you to be happy. Joey: Well, I could use the money. I mean, thank you. Dawson: I believe in you, Joey. I always have. Joey: Thanks. Dawson: So, um, are you going somewhere? Joey: No, just hanging out with a friend. Dawson: Oh. I guess I'll see ya around. Joey: Okay. Dawson: Okay.. Joey: Dawson! Dawson: Yeah? Joey: Do you think things could get back to normal between us? Could we just be friends again? Dawson: I'd like that, yeah. Joey: Good. Okay. *Dawson turns around to leave* Joey: And, you know, um, whatever kind of movie you decide to make, I know it will be great. Dawson: I'm thinking of doing a love story. You know, boy meets girl. Boy gets girl. Boy loses girl.....Boy gets girl back. Joey: *smiles* Dawson.. Dawson: You know me, I'm a sucker for happy endings. Joey: Yeah.. Dawson: So.. Joey: Well, thank you. Dawson: Yeah.. *He turns around and his face falls as he spots Jack walking up.* Jack: Hey. Dawson: *pauses* Hey. *Joey closes her eyes. Then smiles.* Joey: Hey. Jack: Hey. Joey: Everything okay? Jack: Yeah, fine. Just saying hi. Joey: Maybe we should go inside. Jack: Sure. *Joey looks back towards Dawson walking down the dock* *Cut to Dawson carrying a box into Mitch's apartment.* Dawson: Alright, last box. So I guess I'll see ya later. Mitch: Dawson, what's the rush? Stick around. Hang out. Dawson: Working that friend angle? Mitch: I was trying. Talk to me. Look, Dawson, we've always been able to talk, freely and openly, I don't want that to change. Dawson: Okay, let's talk. Mitch: So, um, how's Joey? Dawson: Joey dumped me and is falling for another guy, next. Mitch: Okay, um, Jen? Dawson: Probably drunk and stuck to a sidewalk somewhere. Mitch: Dawson.. Dawson: Dad, this isn't going to work, okay? I'm going to get going. Mitch: You don't have to like my decisions, Dawson. I just ask that you respect them. Dawson: All I ever do is respect other people's wishes, okay? I'm sick of that. It makes everybody else feel better but it makes me feel like hell. Mitch: Well, maybe that's just because your only considering the outcomes, and not the intentions. Nobody's out to get you, Dawson. Certainly not me. *He pulls out keys and walks to Dawson* I want you to think of this place, as yours. Now if you need anything, please. Dawson: You want to be open and honest, right? Mitch: *nods* Yes. Dawson: Well, here it goes. I don't want another friend or a buddy. I want a father. Can you respect that? Mitch: I guess I'll have to. Dawson: Alright. *He leaves.* *Cut to Jen painting her toenails* Dawson: Hey! Jen: Hey Dawson! What's up? Dawson I was just wondering if that invitation to go out with you tonight was still open. Jen: Really? Dawson: Yeah I think it's exactly what I need this evening. Jen: Run-in with Joey, huh? Dawson: You're quick. No way around that. Jen: Yes, Dawson, you can come with me, but you can not bitch or moan about my partying habits, you've got to keep an open mind, and no judging. Dawson: I can do that, maybe. Jen: And this is not a date. You're way too far gone as a rebound case for me to be even remotely interested. Dawson: Is it that obvious? Jen: Dawson, you're so on the rebound, you're practically bouncing. Dawson: Alright, then tonight will be exactly what I need. What time should I pick you up? Jen: Actually, why don't I pick you up? 7:00. Dawson: Alright. That'll work, too. Jen: This could be good, Dawson. You and me together again. Dawson: This is not a date, remember! Jen: And I'm not interested, remember? *Dawson leaves* [SCENE_BREAK] *Cut to the party.* Jen: Don't judge, Dawson. Dawson: I'm not judging, just observing. The destruction of young America. Jen: Fun, remember? That's what this is gonna be all about is fun. Dawson: I think I miscalculated. *They find Chris and Todd.* Jen: Hello you guys. Chris: Hey, you guys made it. Todd: Dawson..you're a surprise, dude. *Chris hands Jen a beer.* Jen: Thank you. Chris: You wanna dance? Jen: Mm-hm. Dawson, come on! Dawson: No, no, go on, have fun. Jen: Enjoy yourself, okay? *She runs inside with Chris. Dawson watches her dance and drink and sighs.* *Cut to Pacey walking into the McPhee's backyard.* Andie's Mom: Pacey! Hello. Nice to see you again. *Andie rushes out* Andie: Okay, we're going to be upstairs studying if you need anything. Okay, Mom? Andie's Mom: Would you kids like something to eat? I could make you a sandwich. Pacey: No thanks, I just ate. Andie's Mom: What are you studying? Pacey: Tonight's double feature includes US History and biology. Andie's Mom: If Tim was here, you could get some help. US History was one of Tim's favorite subjects. Andie: Okay.. *They go inside* Pacey: I thought you said your mother was getting better. Andie: She is. She just slips sometimes. Pacey: Well, I don't mean to be insensitive, Andie, but she talks about your brother like he's still alive. Andie: Well, she has her good days and her bad days. Pacey: And what day is this? Andie: Pacey. Pacey: I'm sorry. *They go upstairs. Cut to them going into Andie's room. Pacey walks over to all her prizes and trophies.* Pacey: You know the only thing I ever won came out of a cereal box? How do you do all this? I know you have a peppy(?) personality, but my God, Andie! On top of everything, you take care of your family and you still find time in the day to rescue a guy like me. Aren't you tired? Andie: You do what you gotta do. Okay, let's get started. Now, I always allow myself a margin of error for any occasional, unforseen roadblocks. Unfortunatly, you have no margin of error. You are, in what we studious circles refer to as...up crapola creek without a paddle, hanging on to the tenth grade by a thread, one cliffnote away from-- Pacey: Complete and utter disaster. I get it. *Cut to Jack and Joey having a picnic by the river, creek, whatever. Lightning flashes.* Joey: Whoa. Jack: Heat lightning. You know, I almost got hit by lightning once when I was a kid. We were playing freeze tag in the park and I froze and CRACK! I mean, I could smell the ground burn. Joey: Oh my God, did you freak? Jack: I got fascinated. Joey: With lightning? Jack: Lightning's amazing. It's opposite charges attracting until the force just gets so great that the air just kind of breaks down. It's like nature's version of performance art. Joey: Jack, how do you know all these things that normal people don't know and you don't know the things that normal people do? Jack: Don't you get bored and watch the Weather Channel? Joey: No. But, when we were kids, Dawson and I did try to replicate Ben Franklin's experiment with the kite and the key...we almost electrocuted ourselves. Jack: You and Dawson.. Joey: I'm sorry.I don't know why I brought him up. It's just that we've know each other for such a long time. Jack: It's okay. I understand. You guys have a history. I mean, he made that pretty clear when he punched me. Joey: You have to understand Dawson. I mean, life is a movie to him and in the movie the hero always punches out the bad guy. I mean, not that you're a bad guy. It's just that.. Jack: He was upset. Joey: Yeah. Jack: I'm sure I would be, too, if I let you slip through my fingers. Joey: I saw the look he gave you outside of my house tonight. Jack: Yeah, you were right about that movie thing. He made me feel like I was in the middle of a western, and he was John Wayne challenging me to a duel at sunset. But I'd be up for the challenge though. Some things are worth fighting for. *More lightning* Joey: God. That is so cool. *Cut to the party. Jen is drunk talking to some guy. I think it's Todd.* Chris: So...what came of you two? Getting some post-Joey action or what? Dawson: She's a friend. Chris: She's a good friend to have. You should have more just like her. You know? Dawson: You're about as subtle as you are genuine, huh? Chris: What you see is what you get. Dawson: Clearly. *Cut to Andie and Pacey studying.* Andie: After you've read through the chapter once, you want to go back and highlight any of the passages that seem important enough to be given on any given standardized test. Pacey: Well how do you know what's important? If it's not important, why would you write it down? Who's job is it, who's right is it, to decide what passages are important enough to deserve the attention of a flourescent yellow felt tip marker? Andie: You're giving me a headache. I need a break. *She sits down on her bed. The phone rings.* Andie: Hello? Yes, this is Andie. What? Uh, oh my God, um, please don't call the police. Uh, I can be there in 5 minutes, okay? Just give me five minutes. Pacey: Andie, what's wrong? Andie: It's my mother. She's at Molly's Market again. *Cut to the market.* Andie: Hi. Employee: I didn't call the cops because I think you and your brother are really nice and I really do feel sorry for you, but this is the third time. Andie: I know. Employee: But if you can't keep her out of here.. Andie: I know, I know. Thank you. Employee: I hope I don't have to tell you. This is really bad for business. Andie's Mom: My husband really takes care of things. You should call my husband. He takes care of things, you know? Andie: Let's go home, Mom. Andie's Mom: I can't. I'm sorry, honey. I can't go home. I'm sorry honey. Andie: Please, let's just go home now, okay? Andie's Mom: No, I can't. Andie: Mom, stop it. Please. Andie's Mom: It's all over! It's all gone. *Pacey walks up.* Pacey: Hey Mrs. McPhee. Remember me? Pacey? Andie's Mom: Pacey.. Pacey: Yeah, it's me. What are you doing here? Picking up some groceries? Andie's Mom: I don't know..I don't know. Pacey: Don't worry about it. Just help me pick out a couple things..um..hey! They got marshmellows. It's a food group all in it's own. Andie's Mom: You don't want that. I have some turkey and roast beef in the fridge. Pacey: You know, that sounds to me like a triple-decker club sandwich. Will you make me a sandwich, Mrs. McPhee? Andie's Mom: Yes, I can make you a sandwich, Pacey. Pacey: Excellent. You, Mrs. McPhee, are my savior. C'mon. *They walk out of the store* *Cut to the party. Dawson is walking around and spots Jen and Chris and Todd going upstairs. Dawson follows. He opens a door and catches Todd and Chris kissing Jen on a bed.* Chris: Hey Dawson. Wanna play? *Dawson rushes in and picks Jen up* Jen: Dawson, stop it! Put me down! Chris: What the hell you doing? *Dawson carries her out to the front lawn before he puts her down.* Jen: I cannot even believe you. Dawson: Jen, look at yourself! You're drunk and you were hooking up with two guys. Where are you going? Jen: I'm going home! Dawson: You're going the wrong way. Jen, stop. Jen: Why so that you can explain this? So that we can talk this out and you can tell me why you are so determined to pull the plug on anybody that's having a good time. Dawson: This is not having a good time. Jen: Oh, maybe not to you. Dawson: Not to anybody, Jen! You're hiding. You're avoiding dealing with the fact that you're unhappy. And it's disgusting. Jen: Oh, you're really one to talk, Dawson. Look at yourself, okay? You don't drink, and you don't mess around with anybody or anything but you are the unhappiest person I know. Dawson: You're absolutely right and I would take my melancholy over this anyday because it's real. I'm not fighting to pretend that I'm having a good time. Jen: I'm not pretendin' Dawson I was havin' a good time! *Jen gets sick and throws up* Jen: How's that for irony, huh? Bad girl throws up on a white picket fence. Don't be disgusted by me, Dawson. Don't deal with me. Accept me. And accept the fact that there are people in this world that don't need saving. Dawson: Jen, you're drunk. Jen: No, listen to me. I have tried, okay? I have tried to live my life just like you. I just don't have that sort of hope. But if everybody did people like you wouldn't be so special. Dawson: Jen, you're special. Jen: No I'm not. You just want me to be. Dawson: I don't agree with that. Jen, if you weren't so special, you wouldn't be so miserable. C'mere. Jen: Dawson...I can't go home. Dawson: I know something that you can go. Jen: Okay. Dawson: Alright? Jen: I'm okay. Dawson: Ready to go? Jen: Yeah. *Cut to Joey and Jack* Joey: Well, Jack McPhee, that was a unique evening. Jack: Unique, weird or unique, good.. Joey: Unique, fun. So, um, I guess I should get inside. *They kiss* Jack: You're not going to stop speaking to me again, are ya? Joey: No, I think you're safe. Crescent moon. Jack: So, um, maybe we could hang out again? Joey: Yeah, um, it's a possibility. Unless, of course, I get engrossed in the Weather Channel which isn't likely. Jack: Don't even try it. Joey: Hey Jack? Jack: Yeah? Joey: I had a really nice time tonight. Thanks. Jack: See ya. *Cut to Pacey and Andie.* Pacey: She went out like a light, huh? Andie: Yeah, she goes way up and then crash(?) Pacey: Are you going to be alright, Andie? I'm worried about you. Andie: Look at you. Taking care of my mom, then saving me. Don't you see? You just proved yourself wrong, Pacey. You can be anything you want. What you did for me tonight was nothing short of spectacular. I'm proud of you. *He laughs* Andie: What's so funny? Pacey: I'm not really used to hearing those words. I'm proud of you. At least, not when they're directed at me. C'mon. Andie: Where are we going? Pacey: Upstairs, to your bedroom. Andie: Oh really, what did you have in mind? Pacey: What do you think? Andie: Pacey! Pacey: I've still got three chapters to read. *Cut to Mitch's apartment.* Mitch: How's Jen? Dawson: She'll be okay. I think. I know I've been really hard on your lately. You've just always been this larger than life, Harrison Ford, ideal to me. Mitch: No one could live up to that, Dawson. Not even Harrison Ford. That just doesn't seem to exist. In reality, people are flawed. I can be your father, Dawson, and if you let me, your friend. Your call. Dawson: Then, it's done. *Cut to Dawson bring Jen water.* Dawson: Hey there, Tiger. Jen: Dawson Leery, you're my hero. Dawson: No, not a hero. Just a friend. Jen: What's it about? Your movie? Dawson: It's a romance. Star cross'd lovers that kinda thing. Jen: How does it end? Dawson: I don't know yet. I haven't finished writing it. Jen: If you want some editorial advice, Dawson, no happy ending. They're bogus, and pat, and totally unrealistic. Things never end happy in real life. Dawson: Just get some sleep, you'll feel better in the morning. Jen: I really wish that were true. No happy ending, Dawson. *Cut to Joey climbing through Dawson's window* Joey: Hey Dawson-- *She notices he's not there. She sits on his bed and looks at his Jaws stuffed animal. She smiles but then it falls and she sighs and climbs back out the window*

Joey's "semi-date" with Jack prompts a resentful Dawson to join Jen at a party where he carries her like a caveman outside to stop her from doing some things she'll regret. Pacey proves his worth when Andie's mother has an episode during their study session. Mitch fails to understand Dawson's views on their divorce.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x03

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x03_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - CONSTRUCTION OVERHEAD -- NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -- NIGHT] (The site is active. Construction workers are busy. The camera starts about floor three then pans downward through the second floor and down to the first floor where a white truck with a worker wearing a white hard hat arrives on the premises. It stops by a man in a green hard hat, the supervisor.) Construction Supervisor: You're late Construction Worker (in truck): Thursday night. Traffic on the strip. Construction Supervisor: Yeah. Every night. Traffic on the Strip. We're on a deadline, let's go. (A yellow hard hat his the truck's windshield, cracking it. The CONSTRUCTION SUPERVISOR looks up. Following the hard hat is a body free falling the same path. Upon impact ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - NIGHT] (CLOSE UP of the man on the ground in a pool of blood. GRISSOM walks up to the body and looks straight up.) Grissom: Man versus Gravity. (He looks down at the body and shakes his head.) Grissom: Man lost. Robert Harris: I think that was his point. Sheriff Brian Mobley: Hello, Bob. Robert Harris: Hello, Brian. Sheriff Brian Mobley: Grissom, what are you doing here? Grissom: What do you think? Sheriff Brian Mobley: I didn't use the word "homicide." Grissom: Dispatch called. The body's on county property. Sheriff Brian Mobley: We're not looking at a crime here. Bob explained it to me on the phone. His guy was alone up there. He jumped. It was suicide. Grissom: Then why are you here, Sheriff? Robert Harris: Look. Roger Valenti was an unhappy guy. Money problems. Family problems. He took the easy way out. Sheriff Brian Mobley: It's a tragedy, but it's not a crime. Grissom: Suicide, huh? I don't know, Brian. On the day you decide to end your life, why would you go to work? HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -ELEVATOR - NIGHT] Sheriff Brian Mobley: Fourteen hundred new beds means 1,400 criminals off the street. That old jail's maxed. Prisoner population's increased by ten percent in one year. If this place isn't built soon, you do the math Grissom: You look like the Sheriff, but you talk like the Mayor. Mr. Harris, you get an extra bonus for early completion? Robert Harris: Twenty grand a day. I'm ten days ahead. Grissom: Wow, $200,000. You must work your guys pretty hard, huh? (The elevator stops and everyone gets off.) [INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - 12TH FLOOR - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] Grissom: Where exactly was Valenti's work station? Robert Harris: He had the whole floor to himself. Valenti was usually my first guy up. He would drill the holes for the safety cables. No one walks a new slab until the cables are looped around the perimeter. (Quick Flashback showing Valenti drilling in the holes for the cables. Flash to white. Resume to present.) Grissom: Terminal velocity's 9.8 meters per second, squared. He would've hit the ground at under five seconds. (A Siren wails in the background.) (GRISSOM, wearing a white visitor's hard hat, walks to the edge of the floor. He puts his kit down and kneels on the ground to look over the edge.) (FLASH POV: As he peers over the edge, the figure of VALENTI'S body falls past him and straight down to the impact point on the ground beneath them. End of Flash. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM looks around and notices the drill hanging off the side of the floor. He pulls it up.) Grissom: Did this belong to Mr. Valenti Robert Harris: Well, like I said he was the only one up here. (GRISSOM examines the drill and notices that the metal housing is charred.) Grissom: This drill is shorted out. Do you think he "jumped" before or after he got the shock of his life? Robert Harris: GFCI would have prevented shock. Sheriff Brian Mobley: What is GFCI? Robert Harris: The Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter. Grissom: Big words meaning you won't get electrocuted. (GRISSOM grabs his kit and notices the outlet. He moves to examine the plug and notices that the third prong of the plug is cut in half.) Robert Harris: You see, if there's and electrical imbalance the GFCI trips the circuit and the tools are suppose to shut itself off. Grissom: But if the third prong of the plug is compromised, the interrupter won't work. Will it, Bob? Robert Harris: The third prong grounds the drill. Without it, the interrupter's useless. Grissom: These prongs don't usually snap off by themselves. (GRISSOM looks around and sees a pair of metal cutters on the floor nearby.) Grissom: Are all your workers this careless with their tools? (He reaches into his CSI kit and pulls out pexi-glass, portable evidence box and begins to set up a chamber to super-glue the prints into the handle of the tool.) Sheriff Brian Mobley: You mind telling me what you're doing? Grissom: These cutters may have been used to tamper with the grounding prong. Sheriff Brian Mobley: What happened to good old-fashioned dusting for prints? Grissom: When your crime scene is twelve stories up ... I don't want to take any chances. I'm going to lock in these prints. (The gas heats up and fills the containers. Fingerprints appear on the tool's handle.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DR. LEIGH SAPIEN'S RESIDENCE - DAY] (CATHERINE and NICK walk up to the house. They're met by DETECTIVE O'RILEY.) Catherine: Hey, O'Riley, we got the 419. O'Riley: Dylan Buckley-- 14 years old. (They enter the house where the boy's body is on the floor.) Sgt. O'Riley: Paramedics pronounced. Coroner's on his way. Nick: Was he home alone? Sgt. O'Riley: Not alone. And not his home. (From behind him, a woman dressed in white approaches.) Catherine Willows, Nick Stokes, crime lab. Dr. Leigh Sapien. This is her residence. Catherine: Well, good. Then you can fill us in. Dr. Leigh Sapien: We were in the middle of a session. Catherine: You're a Therapist. Dr. Leigh Sapien: Psychiatrist. Catherine: And why were you seeing Dylan? Dr. Leigh Sapien: Doctor-Patient privilege. Nick: Privilege doesn't extend post-mortem. Catherine: We can always get a warrant to get your records. Dr. Leigh Sapien: No need. Dylan suffered from Reactive Attachment Disorder. He was with his mother and I've been treating him for sixteen months. Catherine: Ten o'clock at night. You use your home? Dr. Leigh Sapien: I see my patients whenever they need me. On weekends, at night. At the office or here ... Nick: (interrupting) Why don't you ... just tell us what happened. Dr. Leigh Sapien: Dylan had an argument with his mother. He needed to unload. (Quick Flashback during v.o. showing DYLAN BUCKLEY sitting on the couch across from DR. LEIGH SAPIEN talking to her. White Flash to DYLAN BUCKLEY convulsing on the couch and falling to the floor. DR. LEIGH SAPIEN trying to hold his head still. DYLAN BUCKLEY hitting his head multiple times on the floor while seizing.) Dr. Leigh Sapien: He was complaining about his curfew blaming his mother for problems at school. Suddenly, he began to convulse. I tried to stabilize his head. I thought it was grand mal seizure. Dylan was an epileptic. He hit his head. And when the convulsions stopped he was dead. Catherine: Did you try to revive him. Dr. Leigh Sapien: Of course, standard CPR. Cleared his airway, worked his chest. (NICK sees something on DR. LEIGH SAPIEN'S white sweater.) Nick: I take it this wasn't his first convulsion. Dr. Leigh Sapien: He was diagnosed with epilepsy at age 3. (NICK slowly approaches DR. LEIGH SAPIEN in a manner that startles her.) Dr. Leigh Sapien: What are you doing? Nick: Catherine, we need to get a tape-lift here, please. (CATHERINE conducts the tape-lift and NICK moves behind DR. SAPIEN looking for anything else they may need.) Dr. Leigh Sapien: Look, I dialed 9-1-1. I'm not hiding anything. Catherine: I can see that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- FORENSIC AUTOPSY BAY] (GRISSOM enters the morgue. ROBBINS is there to brief him over the body.) Robbins: Quick. Name three human bones that can stand a twelve story drop. Grissom: Bones of the inner ear: Malleus, Incus, Stapes. High cellular density, completely protected by the skull. Why? Robbins: They appear to be the only bones not fractured or broken. Grissom: I want to see the entry and exit wounds. Robbins: Gil, he wasn't shot. This is the guy that fell of the new jailhouse. Are we talking about the same case here? Grissom: He fell after he was electrocuted. Robbins: News to me. I didn't find any physical evidence of electrocution. Grissom: Faulty drill. There should be burn marks on one of his palms. (Flash CGI POV of the current deceased's right hand (without burn marks) morphing to a hand with burn marks as an electric sizzle moves from the palm up the deceased's arm. The electric sizzle moves back down the deceased's arm toward the palm leaving the current unmarked skin behind. End of Flash.) Robbins: Negative on the burn marks. In most electrocution cases, capillaries rupture, hemoglobin leaks into the perivascular tissue. Grissom: Right. creating a fern-like pattern on the chest. (Flash CGI POV of the current deceased's unmarked chest. An electric sizzle moves from the deceased's lower right side up and across the chest leaving the pattern behind. The electric sizzle moves back down the deceased's chest leaving the current unmarked skin behind. Flash to white and back to the present.) Robbins: His body contradicts your crime scene. Grissom: I don't care what the body says, this guy was electrocuted. It was not an accident. FLASH TO WHITE: [EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- TRACE LAB] (GRISSOM is working on the drill, trying to get the outside casing off so that he can look at its insides. On the same table some distance away, SARA is staring at the pair of boots from the deceased. She stares at them some more. She looks up. She sighs.) Grissom: What? Sara: I don't know what I'm looking for. Grissom: Signs of charring or melting. You've done this before. Sara: Yeah. But we always go back to the body. The body tells a story and in this case, the body says there was no crime and you're not listening. Why? Grissom: Every now and then, we have to break the rules. Start with a conclusion and work our way backwards. Sara: Like, for instance, when we don't agree with the coroner's report? Grissom: Like, for instance ... in the 1800s, when surgery was Russian roulette and patients were dying on the tables. Sara: Germs. Grissom: Until Louis Pasteur theorized that something we could not see, microscopic organisms were attacking the patients. Sara: Relevance ... Grissom: Bodies tell a story because we interpret them the way our predecessors taught us to. Just because we don't see something we're supposed to see doesn't mean that it's not there. (SARA goes back to work on the boots. GRISSOM gets the drill open and starts digging through it. He immediately notices that someone crossed the hot wire with the neutral wire.) Grissom: Wires were crossed. (This gets SARA's attention.) Polarity's been reversed. This confirms that someone tampered with Valenti's drill. Sara: The rubber soles of his boots should have protected him from the electrical shock. That is why you're safe when you're in a car during a lightening storm. You're insulated by the rubber tires. (SARA picks up the boots and holds it up. From GRISSOM'S POV, he can see the bottom of the shoes. He also sees something else on the bottom of the right boot.) Grissom: Rubber's an insulator, but metal's a conductor. What form of metal hides in plain view at a construction site? (Flash POV close up to the nail in the bottom of the boot.) Sara: A nail. (SARA and GRISSOM smile at the find.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (CLOSE UP of computer screen as the palm print on the left is compared to the palm print on the right. SARA enters the lab. WARRICK is seated at the computer. He's running the print through the database.) Sara: Hey. Warrick: Hey. Sara: How's that palm print Grissom got off those cutters? Warrick: Good. I'm running it through AFIS right now. The good thing is that the jailhouse is a union gig and all the union guys are already in the database. What I did for the print was I lined up a ridge detail from the partial that I found on each handle. Sara: Nice. (WARRICK sighs.) Warrick: So ... you think that guy fried before he fell? Sara: I don't know. We found a nail in his boot. It could have pierced the protective rubber. It might have allowed electricity to course through his body. Warrick: Bobby Dawson's taking odds. Two to one, Grissom's wrong. Five to one, he gets suspended for shutting down that jailhouse. And ten to one ... Sara: Fired? (Computer beeps. WARRICK manually lines up the two palm prints. The computer screen reads: "FILE HR_145406 AT6501(?)" in green with the words: "MATCH FOUND" (blinking in red) (The Union ID Card of the person identified pops up on screen along with a picture with the following information. It belongs to ROBERT HARRIS, night-shift project manager for the new Clark County Jailhouse.) [UNION IDENTIFICATION (Name) ROBERT HARRIS (Union ID) ELE2908-3492-0982-EEC (Soc. Sec #:) 1291-555-3528 (Classification:) Class 4F (s*x) M (Endorse) M (Insured) 12-1990] Grissom: (V.O.) Sounds like you got a match. (WARRICK and SARA are both surprised to see GRISSOM leaning against the open door. Neither one knew he was standing there. Both wondering ... ) Warrick: Hey, Griss. How long you been standing there? Sara: (interrupting) Yeah, yeah, we do. The, um ... it's a former union guy turned night shift project manager. Warrick: Robert Harris. Does that name mean anything? Grissom: Yeah. Especially if you bet against me. (GRISSOM walks away leaving SARA and WARRICK wondering just how much he heard.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPTARTMENT - MAIN HALLWAY] (GRISSOM is talking with ROBERT HARRIS. SHERIFF BRIAN MOBLEY is also there.) Robert Harris: My prints are on the metal cutters because my prints are all over everything at the site. I'm the project manager. Sheriff Brian Mobley: There's no mystery here. Grissom: You're the project manager but you don't actually use all the tools, right? Robert Harris: I'm vigilant about safety. I'm always inspecting the equipment, tools ... Sheriff Brian Mobley: Look, this is what's going to happen here. The construction site is going to reopen and the investigation goes away. Grissom: Sure. After the lab processes all the evidence. (Behind the group, through the glass wall, BRASS is standing there. He taps on the window to get GRISSOM'S attention.) Grissom: Excuse me. (GRISSOM and BRASS talk out in the hallway.) Brass: For the record, I don't like being put in the middle. Grissom: Who does? Brass: I did a little homework on the guy who took a nosedive after he was electrocuted. Three days ago, he was voted union rep. Demanded more overtime pay, pressed for a walkout. Grissom: Motive? Brass: Right. (he turns to leave, then stops.) Well, in case you're interested Bob Harris was the sheriff's best man. (GRISSOM turns to go back to meet with ROBERT HARRIS and THE SHERIFF.) Sheriff Brian Mobley: Well, what was that about? Grissom: Ah, we're in a bowling league together. Sheriff Brian Mobley: Can we wrap this up? Grissom: Sure. Someone tampered with Roger Valenti's drill. And I have only one suspect. (He looks at ROBERT HARRIS.) Sheriff Brian Mobley: I read the coroner's prelim. There is nothing in it about electrocution. Grissom: That's why they call it a prelim. Mr. Harris, were you opposed to Roger Valenti's union activities? Robert Harris: Of course not. I'm a union man myself. Sheriff Brian Mobley: You're fishing, Gil. We're done here. Moving on. (Both THE SHERIFF and ROBERT HARRIS leave GRISSOM standing there with a grim look on his face.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 09: [INT. CSI LAB] (NICK opens the package of evidence. He pulls out DYLAN BUCKLEY'S clothes and begins examining it. One shirt, one pants and one pair of boxers. He examines the shirt and the pants. He finds nothing. Then he sees it. The tan-colored fibers on the white boxer shorts. He collects it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FORENSIC AUTOPSY ROOM B-28] (ROBBINS is walking MRS. BUCKLEY out of the room.) Robbins: Mrs. Buckley, do you have someone to drive you home? (she doesn't answer him) Mrs. Buckley? Mrs. Buckley: Yes? Robbins: Do you have someone to drive you home? Mrs. Buckley: No, uh, thank you. I'll be all right. [INT. CSI HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS] (MRS. BUCKLEY slowly makes her way out into the hallway. NICK is on his way to see DOC ROBBINS and sees her.) Nick: Mrs. Buckley? I'm Nick Stokes. I'm from the crime lab. I've been assigned to your son's case. Mrs. Buckley: Crime lab? Nick: It's protocol. Mrs. Buckley: We were just having pizza together. He seemed fine. And I dropped him off at Dr. Sapien's and ... my husband passed away three years ago and now my ... (She's distraught and can't continue.) Mrs. Buckley: (whispers) ... my baby's gone. Nick: (quietly) I understand. Mrs. Buckley: If you'll excuse me, I need to go make arrangements. Nick: Sure. (She walks past him. Without turning around, he says ... ) Nick: I'm sorry for your loss. Mrs. Buckley: Thank you. (She walks off screen. Camera holds on NICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FORENSIC AUTOPSY ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] (NICK enters the room. ROBBINS is standing over the body.) Robbins: My youngest just turned 14. Tough age. Nick: Cause of death? Robbins: Cranial-cerebral injuries. Comminuted fractures of the occipital bone. (FLASHBACK CGI POV: Camera starts above DYLAN BUCKLEY'S head and falls forward through his forehead, though the muscle and down to the skull where it cracks. Flash to white. Resume present.) Nick: Injuries consistent with a grand mal seizure? Robbins: First blush? Yes. Waiting on toxicology. In the meantime, check out his torso. Nick: He's covered in bruises. Possibly from being thrashed during the seizure? Robbins: Possibly. Nick: I found tan fibers on his boxers. Robbins: You, too, huh? His body's covered in them. Nick: Fibers on his body and his underwear but not on his shirt and pants, why? Robbins: Well, maybe it was as simple as he wasn't wearing his shirt and pants. Nick: Okay, then at some point he was with his Shrink in his underwear. Robbins: Exactly what kind of therapy was this? (Camera hold on NICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PARKING LOT OUTSIDE LVPD - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] (GRISSOM parks his car in front of the LAS VEGAS POLICE DEPARTMENT. He gets out and makes his way to the building entrance. He's stopped on the sidewalk. From behind him, a hand grabs him by the shoulder.) Ian Wolf: Gil Grissom? Grissom: Yes. Ian Wolf: I have information about Roger Valenti. Grissom: Call Jim Brass at homicide. (GRISSOM turns around to leave. The man stops him again.) Ian Wolf: I was the union rep before Roger. The walkout was my idea. Bob Harris threatened me and my family. I wouldn't betray the union so I gave up my position at the local. Roger picked up where I left off. Grissom: Why are you telling me this? Ian Wolf: Because it could have been me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI LAB] Greg: Cheese. Milk. Sweaters. What do these things have in common? Catherine: Goat cheese, goat milk. Nick: Goat ... sweaters? Catherine: Angora. Greg: Ding, ding, ding. Fibers from the lady shrink, fibers from the boy. Both are angora. (GREG hands CATHERINE an opened book.) Nick: Angora is processed goat hair? Greg: Mm-hmm. Catherine: Sheered, washed, spun and dyed. Angora's 100% goat. You didn't know that, Nick? (CATHERINE hands the book to NICK and leaves.) Nick: Must be a chick thing. (GREG laughs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (ROBBINS is closing up for the night. GRISSOM rounds the corner just in time to catch him.) Grissom: I need to see the body again. Robbins: No can do. Released six hours ago. Grissom: Final report? Robbins: Another 24, but there's nothing in there to support Valenti was electrocuted. Grissom: Doc, please? Robbins: You want to look at my notes? (ROBBINS turns around to go back inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (ROBBINS opens the case file folder that contains his notes. GRISSOM is sitting on the seat next to him.) Grissom: So, what have you got? I mean, anything unusual, even the mundane. Robbins: His troponin enzymes are elevated. Grissom: Troponin levels become elevated following ventricular fibrillation which could be caused by electrocution, right? Robbins: Sure, but troponin's found in all victims of cardiac arrest, most of whom have not been zapped. Grissom: Work with me, will you? Robbins: Uh, vic also had an elevated concentration of iron in his blood -- six, seven times normal. Grissom: Life-threatening? Robbins: No. Grissom: What else? Robbins: Well, it fits the bill of "mundane." His skin looked jaundiced. Grissom: Postmortem deoxygenation. Robbins: Dead or alive, your vic's epidermis is yellow. Grissom: Tell me about his testicles. Robbins: (surprised) What? ... Okay, I'm working with you. Uh, I don't remember. I mean, genetics can be fascinating -- and there are things I take note of -- but I didn't focus on his genitals. Grissom: Thanks, doc. Robbins: You're welcome. (GRISSOM leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM] (GRISSOM walks into the lounge and sees SARA and WARRICK. GRISSOM looks a little annoyed.) Grissom: What're you guys doing? Sara: Waiting for an assignment. You got a new case for us? Grissom: A new case? Warrick: Well, we heard the sheriff put the brakes on the investigation. Grissom: You didn't hear that from me, did you? (GREG takes the hint, gathers his things up and stands up to leave.) Greg: I think I smell something burning in the DNA lab. Love to stay and chat, but ... (He almost makes it to the door when ... ) Grissom: Greg ... I hope that's not the crossword puzzle. (GREG stops, turns around and silently hands the folded origami crane to GRISSOM and leaves. Yep, it looks like the used the crossword puzzle as paper.) Grissom: What about the nail that we pulled out of Valenti's boot? Dusted? Sara: No, because ... Grissom: (interrupting) Process the nail, please. And if you get a print ... (SARA stands and heads out the door.) Sara: I'll compared it to Bob Harris' ten card. Anything else? Grissom: Yes. Metal cutters. I need you to prove or disprove whether they were used to sever the drill's grounding prong. Sara: Okay. (SARA leaves. GRISSOM turns to WARRICK.) Grissom: And you're with me. (WARRICK stands up to follow GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FUNERAL PARLOR] (WARRICK and GRISSOM enter the funeral parlor. It looks like a very classy place. Vivaldi's Four Seasons is playing rather loudly in the background. They walk to the back where we find MR. RANDY GESEK, Funeral Director, air conducting enthusiastically to the music.) Grissom: Mr. Gesek! (RANDY GESEK turns around, slightly embarrassed.) Grissom: You're conducting ... (He turns the tape recorder near by off. He's out of breath.) Randy Gesek: I didn't hear you come in. Grissom: ... Vivaldi, Four Seasons. Randy Gesek: Vivaldi ... Valenti. Both Italians. It's like being in Venice. Why are you here? Do I need a lawyer? Grissom: Have you prepped him yet? Randy Gesek: I was just about to commence draining when I got distracted. Grissom: Yeah, I know, Venice. I need to see his testicles. Randy Gesek: I always thought there was something weird about you. (GRISSOM approaches the body, getting ready to lift the sheet up when GESEK stops him.) Randy Gesek: Excuse me. You can't just come in here and look at my guy's goods. If I let you see them I have to let everybody see them. But ... perhaps we can work something out. Warrick: What? Do you want us to pay to see them? Randy Gesek: That's a good idea, but no. I'm starting a new business. Crime scene cleanup. I'm going to want some referrals. Grissom: I'll put you on the list. (GRISSOM puts on the latex gloves and lifts up the sheets to look at MR. VALENTI.) Grissom: Testicular atrophy. They're the size of peas. Randy Gesek: Poor guy. Warrick: Yeah, that's rough. And the significance of this evidence? Grissom: Hemochromatosis. Valenti had elevated levels of iron in his blood. Yellow pallor, shrunken testicles ... I think he's been ingesting trace amounts of iron over a long period of time. Randy Gesek: Why'd he eat iron? Warrick: Trace amounts are odorless, tasteless. Randy Gesek: He probably didn't even know. You're saying he was poisoned? Grissom: No. Iron molecules take a long time to build up. Could have been his diet repeated blood transfusions, excessive smoking possibly hereditary abnormalities. Warrick: So, where does this get us? Grissom: One step closer. Mr. Gesek? Stick a syringe in his carotid all the way to his clavicle. Warrick: You want his blood? Grissom: One pint, to go. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (WARRICK is walking through the hallway when he meets up with SARA.) Sara: Warrick. Warrick: Hey. Sara: I got a thumbprint off that nail. Warrick: Cool. Sara: Only a partial. Print lab's running a comparison. Warrick: Whatever happened with those metal cutters? Sara: Serrations didn't match up. They weren't used on the grounding prong. What's in the envelope? Warrick: Roger Valenti's blood. Grissom wants it packaged in plastic. I don't know. Don't ask. Sara: You want lunch? Warrick: Later. (WARRICK walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOT DOG STAND] (NICK has his hot dog and is putting stuff on it.) Nick: Hey, Catherine. Catherine: Yeah? Nick: You ever been in therapy? Catherine: Who hasn't? Didn't save my marriage. Nick: And you were okay sharing your problems with a complete stranger? Catherine: Rather I tell them to you? (SGT. O'RILEY parks his car across the street and gets out.) Sgt. O'Riley: Somebody order a warrant? Nick: Yeah. Sgt. O'Riley: Mustard and relish. Hold the onions. Nick: I hope it's a general. Sgt. O'Riley: Epilepsy. Eyewitness physician dials 9-1-1. Coroner's not making any noise. You're lucky to get a limited. Nick: What do you mean, we're lucky? We've got fibers on a 14-year-old kid and the shrink's clothing. Sgt. O'Riley: Which would have got you nothing. But I did a background check on the good doctor. While back, she had her license suspended. s*x with a patient. Teen's parents filed a complaint with the A.P.A. Nick: s*x with a minor. Suspension's a joke. Should have lost her license, minimum. Catherine: Yeah, well, this time, maybe she will. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT CSI LAB] (GRISSOM is busy stripping and rigging the electrical wires on a lamp. He twists in the light bulb. WARRICK walks in with the envelope.) Warrick: Hey, Gris. Valenti's blood. Packaged, ready to go. Grissom: Thank you. Warrick: You want to fill me in here? I mean, this wasn't covered in any science class I took. Grissom: Well, iron is a conductive mineral. I want to know if there was enough iron in Valenti's blood to conduct electricity. Warrick: That's far out. Grissom: Yeah, well ... we'll see. Plug in the blood. (GRISSOM finishes putting the wires in the blood and hands the plug to WARRICK. Oh, yeah. The light goes on. GRISSOM looks extremely pleased.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DR. SAPIEN'S RESIDENCE - DAY] Dr. Leigh Sapien: Angora fibers? What does that have to do with anything? (NICK is looking for something on the floor.) Dr. Leigh Sapien: Excuse me. I don't appreciate being treated like a suspect. Nick: Then maybe you should wait outside. Dr. Leigh Sapien: Do you consider me a suspect? Because that's how I'm feeling. (NICK doesn't respond.) Dr. Leigh Sapien: Fine. Don't answer me. It's your choice. Nick: That's the funny thing about choices. Once you make them you have to live with them. (He shakes his head.) Nick: Dylan Buckley was just a boy. He trusted you and you abused that trust. (CATHERINE appears holding a folded tan-colored blanket wrapped in plastic.) Catherine: Linen closet, top shelf. Nick: Was that blanket here ... on the floor? Dr. Leigh Sapien: Were you and Dylan under it? (FLASHBACK POV of DYLAN BUCKLEY sitting on the couch. DR. SAPIEN sits next to him and starts to kiss and caress him. NICK is in the background watching. DYLAN BUCKLEY resists. DR. SAPIEN restrains him. Both are on the floor on the tan-colored blanket. Flash to white.) Nick: He was a 14-year-old kid. What's the matter with you? Catherine: He resisted; you persisted. Then what? Dr. Leigh Sapien: Look, I don't know the basis of your allegations but I have never crossed the line with a patient. Nick: That's not what your rap sheet says. Dr. Leigh Sapien: "Rap sheet"? Catherine: s*x with an underage patient. Dr. Leigh Sapien: I was a resident. He was 17. We were in ... look, no criminal charges were filed. It should have been expunged from my record. Catherine: It doesn't make you any less guilty. Dr. Leigh Sapien: Lady, I'm not a saint but I am not a killer or a child molester. Dylan Buckley was an epileptic. He had a seizure. He hit his head. That's the truth. You don't like it, you can leave. Nick: We got what we came here for. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DR. SAPIEN'S RESIDENCE - DAY] (NICK and CATHERINE are leaving.) Catherine: What's going on with you? Nick: I'm on a case. Catherine: We're on a case. Nick: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- REFRIGERATOR] (GRISSOM opens the refrigerator and is looking for something. Now, do we really need to know that there is a full bottle of Welch's Grape Juice on the right and among other things, a box of Pepperidge Farm Spritzers (lemon) cookies on the left? Yeah, I thought not. GRISSOM moves this ... lifts that ... doesn't find whatever he's looking for and closes the door.) [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - DAY] (On his way out, SARA walks in holding folders and a paper package.) Grissom: Hey, is that from the deli? Sara: Egg salad sandwich. You want half? Grissom: No. Can I have your pickle? Sara: Yeah. (She hands him the wrapped pickle.) Sara: You can have it. (GRISSOM unwraps it and holds it up.) Grissom: Oh, that's a nice one. (GRISSOM leaves SARA standing there with a puzzled look on her face.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI LAB] (GRISSOM wires up SARA'S pickle and places it on an upside down petrie dish. Completely curious at what he could possibly want with her pickle, SARA walks in and lingers near the doorway while finishing up her sandwich. GRISSOM plugs it in and fires up SARA'S pickle. It lights up. It flickers. It crackles. It sizzles. It glows.) Sara: You turned my pickle into a light bulb. Grissom: I'm electrocuting it. Sara: (amused) You sure are. Warrick: That would explain that smell. Grissom: This is how I cooked my hot dogs in college. (He unplugs the pickle and holds it up for everyone to examine.) Grissom: Check out the burn marks. Sara: There are none. Warrick: Just like Valenti's body. No evidence of electrocution. Grissom: Pickles are high in sodium content. Warrick: And sodium is conductive, just like iron. Grissom: Normally, the flow of electricity through a body generates heat. (FLASHBACK POV showing us a crackle of electricity passing down a golf club through the person holding it. A CGI electric sizzle asses through the man's shirt showing us the fern-like pattern underneath. Cut to the man's legs as we follow the electric current flow down the man's legs and into the ground. Cut back to present.) Grissom: Burn marks are the physical evidence of that heat. But ... if the body offers no resistance to the flow of electricity-no heat, no burn marks. Warrick: Roger Valenti's body offered up no resistance because of the excess iron in his blood. Sara: The iron conducted the electricity. Warrick: Making his body one big wire -- path to ground. Sara: In through his hand from the drill; out through the nail in the boot. Grissom: No burn marks, but he was still electrocuted. (GRISSOM gives SARA back her cooked pickle. She takes it and looks at it.) (FLASHBACK POV showing us Valenti grabbing the drill and flicking the switch turning it on. We follow the path of the switch from the drill back to the damaged plug where it shorts. White flash as we follow the current tracking back up the cord back up through the drill. CGI shows us the inside of the drill where the current hits the crossed wires. It blows. White flash to the current passing through the drill handle flowing through the veins as Valenti's blood conducts the electricity. White flash back out from the nail in Valenti's boot to the ground. White flash as Valenti is electrocuted. He and the drill fall off of the twelfth floor. White flash to present.) Warrick: So, you've just proved murder. (GREG walks in holding a piece of paper. He hands it to GRISSOM.) Greg: I wouldn't break out that champagne just yet. Don't go shooting the messenger. Thumbprint from the nail. (GRISSOM looks at it. Surprised.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY] (GRISSOM is talking with SHERIFF BRIAN MOBLEY.) Sheriff Brian Mobley: Bob Harris' prints were not on the murder weapon. Is that what you're telling me? Grissom: They were not on the nail. You see, I think that someone stuck a nail in the victim's boot and it evidently wasn't Bob Harris. Sheriff Brian Mobley: In other words, you made a suspect out of an innocent man. Grissom: Obviously, that wasn't my intent. (THE SHERIFF walks away. GRISSOM follows.) Sheriff Brian Mobley: Oh, good. Then maybe you'll want to bring that up in the newspaper article. Grissom: What are you talking about? What newspaper article? Sheriff Brian Mobley: The one I'm arranging for your public apology. Grissom: I'm not making an apology. Sheriff Brian Mobley: Oh, yes, you are. You don't go after a friend of mine, sully his reputation and then walk away. Actions have consequences, Gil. Even yours. (THE SHERIFF leaves. Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM is on the computer looking through the database of "UNION OF ELECTRIAL WORKERS". BRASS walks in.) Brass: I heard the sheriff chewed you a new one. Grissom: You get my message? Brass: Yeah, you want me to check out your "Deep Throat?" (GRISSOM hands BRASS the print out that reads:) [UNION OF ELECTRICAL WORKERS WOLF, IAN No. IW553620 493 Briarway, LV NV 89108 Write up on bottom, under the photo: "Mr. Wolf has worked as an electrical contractor for over 24 years. His experience is mostly in the area of new housing and tract housing developments. He is not limited to this kind of work, however. He has also participated in massive government projects such as hi-tech facilities, communications stations, energy generators, and others."] Brass: Well, that was fast. Grissom: Ian Wolf, Union of Electrical Workers, Local 37. He wanted to make sure that I stayed on Harris for the murder of Roger Valenti. Brass: Doesn't that tell you something? Grissom: I told him to talk to you. Brass: I'll check out the guy. Gil, why do you do this to yourself? Grissom: What? Brass: The guy's dead. It could have been suicide ... accident. But you've always got to push it. Grissom: Just like any other case. Brass: You know what I think? Adrenaline. You need the rush. But that's just me. (BRASS leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] (NICK works on swabbing the blanket. He unrolls it and methodically blocks off sections of the blanket with swabs. It's a long, tedious process, but he seems determined.) (He starts with the first block completed. Dissolve to three completed sections. Dissolve to ten completed sections. Dissolve to NICK working on the final three sections of the blanket.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (CATHERINE is walking down the hallway with an open file folder in her hands. She notices NICK in the lab talking with DAVID PHILLIPS, getting some test results. CATHERINE stops by the doorway just in time to hear ... ) David Phillips: Stokes. Nick: Okay. Thank you, David. David Phillips: No sweat. (DAVID PHILLIPS stands and leaves the room. He passes CATHERINE on the way out.) David: (to Catherine) Hey, he asked for it. [INT. CSI LAB] Catherine: How many swabs does it take to process a blanket? Nick: I'm thorough. Catherine: The lab tested Dylan Buckley's blood for Creatine Kinase which would be elevated post-seizure ... Nick: ... but Dylan Buckley's levels were normal. I just got my own copy of the report. Dr. Sapien lied. (NICK walks out of the lab. CATHERINE calls after him.) Catherine: You're racing me, Nick. We're driving the same car. (NICK doesn't stop walking down the hallway. He doesn't respond to CATHERINE'S question.) Catherine: Nick! (NICK still doesn't respond. He keeps walking down the hallway.) Catherine: Nick, I'll have you removed from the case. (NICK stops. He turns around as CATHERINE approaches him.) Catherine: You're confronting suspects before the evidence is processed. You're flying solo, cutting me out. What's going on? Nick: (he takes a deep breath) Okay. There are some people you're supposed to be able to trust, you know? I was nine. And she was a last-minute baby-sitter. (CATHERINE'S stunned.) All I can remember doing afterwards is sitting in my room in the dark, staring at the door waiting for my mom to get home. But I've never told anyone before. Catherine: I'm sorry. Nick: It's what makes a person, I guess. (NICK apologizes.) Nick: I'm sorry, Catherine. (He walks away. Camera holds on CATHERINE.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT INTERROGATION ROOM] (BRASS is questioning IAN WOLF. GRISSOM is sitting in the back.) Ian Wolf: You checked me out. So what? Worst thing I've done is get a speeding ticket. Brass: And take a pipe to Roger Valenti's head four days before he died. No, it wasn't on the foreman's report. Valenti's widow told me. (GRISSOM looks over at IAN WOLF'S tool belt on the table next to him.) Ian Wolf: It's a work site. Guys get in beefs all the time. Brass: But this guy died and Bob Harris had nothing to do with it. Grissom: Despite your efforts to make it seem that way. Ian Wolf: Look, I'm not saying another word till I talk to a union lawyer. I pay my dues and these guys play hardball. (IAN WOLF stands, picks up his hard hat and tool belt, and leaves the room.) Brass: He's guilty. Grissom: Let's not make the same mistake twice. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREG'S LAB] Greg: FYI. Thirty swabs in six hours? Not realistic, all right? Even for me. Nick: Come on, Greg, I thought you liked a challenge. What are we looking at here? Greg: Lots and lots of epithelials. There were skin cells shed all over the blanket. Catherine: Dylan Buckley's. Dr. Sapien's. Greg: You're two-thirds of the way there. I also isolated a set of cells from another individual. Identity unknown. But when it's important to Nick here, I push further. Seven of the 13 markers matched your dead kid. Catherine: Familial DNA. Nick: Father's dead, means we're looking at mom. Catherine: Naked kid under a blanket at his shrink's late at night and his mother's there. Greg: Yeah, your case just entered a whole new dimension of weird. (Camera holds on NICK'S thoughtful look. Behind him, we see GRISSOM walk into the hallway his nose in a file, the camera follows GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] (GRISSOM'S holding a file folder and definitely going somewhere.) [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (GRISSOM enters the room and sees SARA at the computer.) Grissom: Where's Mandy? Sara: She's cross-eyed from running our partial. I didn't want to lose any time, so I took over. The database is 70,000. It could still take a while. Grissom: What if I narrowed the scope? To one. Sara: We got a suspect? Grissom: Ian Wolf. Like the animal not the authors. (SARA makes the entry and hits enter. The computer lines up the prints and beeps with the results.) [On the top left corner of the Left Print: #9208390: IAN WOLF] [ON THE BOTTOM OF THE LEFT PRINT: IN A BOX LABELED: "MATCH TREE" Ian Wolf: REF# 9208390_DBASE F????74 (in red) MATCH PROBABILITY: 100% (in red) L32,LT45, RH87, GHR29, PR11A(?), PR11B(?)] Sara: Partial overlay. Perfect match. Now we've just got to place him at the crime scene. Grissom: Warrick's on it. I got a warrant for his tool belt -- metal cutters included. (GRISSOM leaves. Camera hold on SARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FORENSIC AUTOPSY ROOM] (DOC ROBBINS is eating when NICK and CATHERINE walk in.) Nick: Doc? The kid in his underwear ... Tell us about the Y-incision. Doc Robbins: Leftovers from my anniversary dinner. Catherine: Congratulations. Doc Robbins: Thanks. Same tan fibers I found on the outside I found on the inside. Mouth, nasal passages, both lungs. Catherine: He was wrapped in that blanket. Nick: Mm-hmm. Head-to-toe. (Flash to White: CGI Flash POV showing us DYLAN BUCKLEY wrapped in the tan-colored angora blanket. The blanket covers his entire head and body. Camera starts from above the blanket. DYLAN opens his mouth and the camera dives in and down through his air passages carrying some of the blanket fibers with it.) FLASH TO WHTE: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT INTERROGATION ROOM] Catherine: Mrs. Buckley, we know that your son didn't have a seizure. We also know that you were at Dr. Sapien's house with Dylan the night that he died. Nick: He was in his underwear wrapped in a blanket fighting for every breath. Mrs. Buckley: I loved my son. Nick: That's what every parent says. Mrs. Buckley: This ... this was therapy. I had tried everything else. Taken him to so many specialists. But I couldn't reach him. So we ... we tried the ... (she looks at DR. SAPIEN) I have to tell them. Dr. Leigh Sapien: It's called Re-Birthing. Nick: Re-Birthing? Dr. Leigh Sapien: It's a technique used to treat extreme behavioral disorders. Idea is to turn back the clock. Wipe the slate clean. Allow the child to re-bond with his mother. Catherine: What is the blanket for? Dr. Leigh Sapien: It represents the birth canal. Catherine: So you wrapped Dylan up ... beat the hell out of him and hocus-pocus, he's supposed to love you again? Dr. Leigh Sapien: Rebirthing may not be a recognized therapeutic procedure, but it's not illegal. Sgt. O'Riley: Last time I checked, murder is. Mrs. Buckley: I begged her to do it. Dr. Leigh Sapien: All other methods of therapy had failed. Dylan was becoming more belligerent, withdrawn, even dangerous. Mrs. Buckley: I just wanted my son to love me. That's all. Dr. Leigh Sapien: Dylan was a willing participant. Sgt. O'Riley: He was 14. Dr. Leigh Sapien: I instructed Dylan to lie down on the floor. In a fetal position. As part of the process ... (Flashback during (V.O.): DYLAN BUCKLEY in his boxers. DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY are in the living room also. Flash to white. DYLAN BUCKLEY on the tan-colored blanket. Flash to white to present. Camera hold on CATHERINE.) Dr. Leigh Sapien: ... I asked him if he wanted to be reborn to his mother. He said yes. (Flashback: DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY gathering the edges of the blanket and effectively wrapping the blanket around DYLAN.) Dr. Leigh Sapien: Now we're going to close the womb. And twist it. (End of Flashback. Resume Present. Camera on NICK.) Nick: So, then what happened? Things got out of hand? He changed his mind? (MRS. BUCKLEY covers her eyes as she begins to cry.) Catherine: Somewhere in the middle of an angora birth canal? (Flashback: DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY hold the blanket closed as DYLAN begins to struggle inside.) Dr. Leigh Sapien: It's time to be reborn. That's it, Dylan. Push harder, push harder! Harder ... Dylan Buckley: Mom, stop it! I can't breathe! Dr. Leigh Sapien: Push hard. Dylan Buckley: Mom, please just stop! Dr. Leigh Sapien: Do you want to be reborn or stay in there and die? Dylan Buckley: Quit pushing on me, please! Mom, please, I want this to stop. Mrs. Buckley: ... maybe we should ... Dr. Leigh Sapien: No, this is what happens. We can't stop now. Trust me. This is the normal response. (End of Flashback. Resume Present. Camera on MRS. BUCKLEY.) Mrs. Buckley: I thought it was part of the process. She told me that that's what he was supposed to say. That babies don't want to come out. Dr. Leigh Sapien: That's right. Mrs. Buckley: That that's why it's such an ordeal for the woman. Catherine: So you pushed on him like a mother in labor? (Flashback: DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY hold the blanket closed as DYLAN continues to struggle inside.) Dr. Leigh Sapien: Come on. Push harder. Dylan Buckley: No, mom, I can't breathe! (DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY hold the blanket closed as DYLAN continues to struggle inside.) Dr. Leigh Sapien: Push harder! (DYLAN continues to fight against them.) That's it. (DYLAN'S stops struggling. DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY open the blanket. DYLAN'S not moving.) Mrs. Buckley: Dylan? DYLAN? HONEY? (End of Flashback. Resume Present. Camera on MRS. BUCKLEY.) Dr. Leigh Sapien: When we opened the blanket, his eyes were closed. I thought he was pretending to be asleep. Nick: So much for your ... therapy. (Both DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY look at NICK. NICK stands and leaves the room.) Nick: Excuse me. Mrs. Buckley: And that's why we tried to hide it. We knew you wouldn't understand. (Camera holds on CATHERINE.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI LAB] (WARRICK is processing IAN WOLF'S wire cutters. GRISSOM and SARA watch.) Warrick: Twin moons of Venus. Grissom: Overlap to one. Warrick: Striations match. Sara: Wolf stuck a nail in Valenti's boot, compromised the drill and cut the grounding prong with his own cutters. Warrick: Seems like a lot of work to kill a guy. Grissom: Not for an electrician I'm going to find Brass. (GRISSOM starts to leave the room. WARRICK stops him.) Warrick: Hey, Griss. I think I can speak for both of us when I say I'm sorry that we let you down. Sara: We quit before we should have. Grissom: Yeah, you did. (GRISSOM leaves. Camera holds on SARA and WARRICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -- NIGHT] (Sounds of construction hammering and drilling. BRASS, followed by GRISSOM and a couple of officers find IAN WOLF at the construction site.) Brass: Mr. Wolf. We got you for murder. Premeditated. Ian Wolf: You know this from my cutters? Grissom: They're just part of the story. (Flash to white: FLASHBACK POV showing us IAN WOLF opening ROGER VALENTI'S locker, pulling out his right boot and sticking a nail on the bottom, pressing it in with his thumb.) Grissom: (V.O.) You spiked Roger's boot with the nail -- compromised the insulation. (Flash to white. Resume Present. Camera on GRISSOM.) Grissom: You reversed the polarity in his drill. (Flash to white: Flashback POV showing us IAN WOLF on the floor cutting the drill's grounding prong with his wire cutters. Flash to white. A pair of wire cutters slipping out of a plastic thermos being placed on the ground.) Grissom: (V.O.) You cut the grounding prong, planted evidence. And killed a man. (Flash to white. Resume Present. Camera on GRISSOM.) (Flash to white. Flashback shows us ROGER VALENTI picking up his drill, the electricity coursing through his body, his hard hat falling off his head to the ground below, getting electrocuted and falling off the 12th floor to the ground below.) (Flash to white. Resume Present. Camera on IAN WOLF.) Brass: You're under arrest. [SCENE_BREAK] (The officers handcuff IAN WOLF and escort him to their cars. On their way out, they run into THE SHERIFF.) Sheriff Brian Mobley: Grissom. Brass: (to GRISSOM) It's all you, man. (BRASS goes with IAN WOLF. GRISSOM heads off to talk with THE SHERIFF.) Grissom: Sheriff. Sheriff Brian Mobley: You got the bad apple. Grissom: Yeah, how about that? Just in time for my big "public apology". Sheriff Brian Mobley: I may be changing the tenor of that piece somewhat. You won't be the goat but you won't be the hero, either. Grissom: Good, I leave that to you. Sheriff Brian Mobley: That's why we will continue to work well together. (GRISSOM walks away without saying anything.) Sheriff Brian Mobley: Grissom ...

Grissom investigates a possible suicide at a high-profile construction site. Against the wishes of the Sheriff, Grissom pushes to get at the truth of the matter-he thinks the suicide was actually a homicide, and uses theories on electrocution to look for his killer. Meanwhile, Nick and Catherine take on a case with little more than angora fibers to follow. A teenage boy dies while in session with his female psychologist, and traces of angora on his underwear make them believe the psychologist may be practicing very unconventional methods of "therapy."