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Why do I always feel like I'm being watched?

I often get the feeling that I'm being watched, like video cameras are hidden wherever I am, even at home. I feel like people can see all that I do and are reading my thoughts. Things I read or hear on the radio seem to be about (or meant for) me, and people are talking about me when they whisper.

It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with worry about being continuously monitored, with no privacy even in your own mind, and as if people are constantly saying things about you in whispers on in the media. It's hard to say from a post online what is at the root of this experience, but you may be able to get insight into that, as well as develop ways of coping with the distress of feeling this way, with the help of a good therapist. There is no pill or technique that can guarantee that this experience will go away, though it might, however, there are things that you can do so that you can understand it better and so that it does not have such an impact on your ability to lead a satisfy life.

I feel insecure, on edge, and drink too much

I feel insecure in my life. I don't think my wife truly wants our relationship even though she says she does. I have turned to drinking to help relieve my repressed stress about this and other issues. I have had a drinking problem for a few years. I feel the reason I drink is not just because I like to, but because I have lately been on edge. I’ve been very oddly emotional when watching movies that I have been watching for years. I’m paranoid about driving on main roads. I’m very jumpy at the slightest noises.

Given the description you have posted here, it may be time to find someone to work with.  First and foremost, look into working with someone who specializes in working with individuals with challenges surrounding drinking. This would need to be assessed first since if it has been ongoing, it may be making the situation worse and given the time it has been utilized as a coping mechanism, there is reason to believe that the structure of your brain may have been effected as has been demonstrated by current neurological research.  There are however, ways to address this.  As for coping mechanisms, the person you work with should also look at offering you alternatives such as the skills found within the Dialectic Behavior Therapy model (DBT) which has several useful tools to help address the underlying anxiety and difficulty managing emotional regulation.  Mindfulness, another component of DBT should also prove to be useful in both becoming aware of your state of mind and emotional state to allow you to make different choices which has been supported by a growing body of evidence.  There are also other tools designed to help repair damaged relationships.  Well worth looking into.Seeking help is never easy and it is only human to be hesitant given some of the cultural views of working with therapist.  This is a difficult place to be in and one that is not easy to move out of, but sitting on it is not going to help it go away.  Think of it this way, if you broke your arm, would you just wrap it up and hope for the best? or seek out a professional to help you set the break and teach you how to mend the wound.  The same applies here.  Think of it as first aid for the mind.

I feel insecure, on edge, and drink too much

I feel insecure in my life. I don't think my wife truly wants our relationship even though she says she does. I have turned to drinking to help relieve my repressed stress about this and other issues. I have had a drinking problem for a few years. I feel the reason I drink is not just because I like to, but because I have lately been on edge. I’ve been very oddly emotional when watching movies that I have been watching for years. I’m paranoid about driving on main roads. I’m very jumpy at the slightest noises.

Sorry hearing about the big amount of stress which you are feeling at this time.Since a lot of your stress is directed to uncertainty of whether your wife is happy being with you, would you consider continuing the conversation with her about your understanding of her answer to you?Your observation that she says one thing and behaves in a different way, is meaningful.Bringing your point to her attention would at the very least demonstrate her interest in showing and explaining her viewpoint about you.Basically, you'd be expecting her to care about you and how she handles herself with this question, may clarify what you're trying to find out.The good news about your relationship with alcohol, is that you realize you're overdoing it.From what you write, the emotional pain and helplessness you feel currently, seem too much to know about all at once.One possibility is to accept your feelings of hurt and insecurity.  This is the first step of working with them.   If they start feeling overwhelming, then maybe too, you can distract yourself for a while from the intensity by engaging in an activity that is not self-harming.After all, you are the most important person in your life, so keep yourself safe and healthy!

I feel insecure, on edge, and drink too much

I feel insecure in my life. I don't think my wife truly wants our relationship even though she says she does. I have turned to drinking to help relieve my repressed stress about this and other issues. I have had a drinking problem for a few years. I feel the reason I drink is not just because I like to, but because I have lately been on edge. I’ve been very oddly emotional when watching movies that I have been watching for years. I’m paranoid about driving on main roads. I’m very jumpy at the slightest noises.

First I am sending you some healing vibes 🙌.  IT might be time to talk with your main medical provider about a checkup to see if this is relating to signs of PTSD. Or something else.   Studies have shown especially with those who have sensitive energies might feel things in an empathic way.  Or experiencing triggers relating to an underlining issue.  You used the word insecure. on edge.  You know you.  You also used stress, emotional, jumpy at slightest noises.  That is why journaling and wonderful sites like this help you release these feelings.  You also mention your wife surrounding your heart.💕   Studies suggest that people with low self-esteem also tend to be insecure in their relationships Your faith in yourself is more powerful than your fear. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” work on improving your self esteem seek spiritual support. Feeling good about yourself can boost your confidence and strengthen your relationship. You’ll not only reap the benefits of having a high self-esteem, but you’ll also appear more attractive to your partner. He or she will want to be as close to you as possible, hopefully alleviating your insecurity.

Why do I throw all my stuff away?

I constantly have this urge to throw away all my stuff. It’s constantly on my mind and makes me feel anxious. I don’t sleep because I’m thinking about something I can get rid of. I don’t know why I do it. I started years ago when I lived with my dad then I stopped when I moved in with my mom. Years later, it has started again.

Since you wrote that you noticed a change in your throwing away urge when you changed with which parent you lived, would you feel that throwing away things is connected to wanting to be done with certain areas of influence with either parent?Play in your mind with the metaphor of "throwing away" and whatever associations you feel toward this.  Are you feeling alarmed or freed, by throwing away things?  I'm only suggesting these, not telling you that they apply necessarily.Anxiety comes up when people feel helpless to manage a meaningful part of their lives.  So pay attention whether your stuff represents difficult scenarios or phases of your growing up years.   Possibly you are trying to rid yourself of painful feelings which were part of your early years' relationship with either parent.Basically, sounds as though you are trying to establish a clearer sense of who you are and the throwing away part is a means of discovering who you are, once all the clutter is released.

How do I open things up with a therapist without fearing judgment and condescension?

I have several issues that I need to work through. However, I am afraid of and do not trust therapists after a horrible experience. I'm dealing with grief and guilt over losing my sons due to drug use. I have a very complicated traumatic relationship issue that is causing me severe anxiety and fear.

I am truly sorry to hear about your loss, as well as your previous horrible experience with therapy.I agree with what Laura wrote about this, she makes great points.  However, I also want to add a few points.  It seems as though you are at a point where you want to speak to someone.  Honestly, you might not find the correct therapist for you right away.  It can be difficult to find someone who fits with you, who helps you feel comfortable and speaks to you completely unbiased and without judgement.  That being said, those kinds of therapists do exist.  Many therapists offer free consultations, perhaps not the first session like Laura, but a phone call where you can speak with them.  That can give you a good idea of what they are like and if you "fit" with them.Alternatively, have you considered going to a group?  This can take a lot of pressure off of you, because there are a lot of grief groups and many are for those who lost loved ones to drug use.  These can be something you do weekly, bi-weekly or even monthly and could be a stepping stone for you to get to the point where you feel ready to see an individual therapist.  It is also helpful to speak with others who have gone through a similar situation.  Check out psychologytoday.com or even google "grief groups near me" to see what pops up.  I hope this is helpful to you, again I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you the best.

How do I open things up with a therapist without fearing judgment and condescension?

I have several issues that I need to work through. However, I am afraid of and do not trust therapists after a horrible experience. I'm dealing with grief and guilt over losing my sons due to drug use. I have a very complicated traumatic relationship issue that is causing me severe anxiety and fear.

I am sorry that you had this experience. Therapy should be a healthy positive experience off g growth. You have the right to look for certain high qualities in a therapist and finding the right one. Each therapist is bound by a code of ethics and clients should have high expectations. You are trusting them to guide, support and help you achieve the absolute best outcome and success. You should never be or feel judged, and you should feel comfortable and feel as though your therapy process is moving along with YOUR GOALS IN MIND. Speaking as a therapist, I encourage my clients to always let me know how they feel, even if they disagree with me, they also have the right to inform me if something I'm doing simply is not working for them, communication is critical in maintaining a healthy therapeutic alliance/ therapeutic relationship. I'm able to offer ways of thinking and strategies to my clients they may not have thought of. Its important to listen to my clients. It's also critical for clients to feel they can share in a environment that feels safe, non judgmental and confidential.Remember, you are the driver in your healing process, you should be the one in control because you know what your life struggles are. Speaking as a therapist, I'm here to guide my clients toward achieving their goals, encouraging and empowering my clients in what is meaningful to them to achieve. You should feel comfortable speaking your thoughts, my advice would look one who open hearing toy feel, even it's regarding them a therapist. That they are open to feedback.With all of that being said, it will take time to trust again but remember, ask questions and communicate with the next therapist  share  your experience and how it made you feel and that trust and being spoken  in a respectful , non judgemental and non condnscending way is critical for you. Be honest clearly state your expectations from start.  I offer free 50 minute first sessions for clients. The reason. I do this is because I feel that clients deserve opportunity observe the environment, ask me questions and have the opportunity to determine their level of comfort and decide if it's a good fit. Other therapists sometimes offer the similar, try finding one willing to offer a  consultation as that could give you the opportunity to feel things out and set forth expectations.The article below is an excellent article about what to look for in a therapist. It is worth your time reading because you are WORTH FINDING THE BEST HELP AVAILABLE! This article was written based on both evidence from research and clinical experience. I would strongly encourage anyone searching for help to read this and even use it as your guide. I hope this was helpful.https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201603/10-ways-spot-good-therapistLaura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC

What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?

I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.

What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.Our everyday life is filled with pressures and deadlines that are common to cause anxiety.   Here are some basic tips to handle those stressors.·         Learn thought stopping techniques: There are multiple ways to teach your brain to refocus.  If you allow your brain to focus on the source of anxiety, the anxiety will be in charge.  But you can learn to put those anxiety-provoking thoughts on a parking lot, and focus on pleasurable thoughts, or the activity that you need to complete on the time being.·         Plan, organize, delegate:  Create a schedule to manage demands, organize priorities, and delegate or share responsibilities.   Work as a team with your family, so you can share the load.   Prioritize actives, shores, and expenses. Focus on the urgent, necessary, and spread apart the not so urgent.·         Identify triggers:  Once you understand what causes your anxiety, you can learn to channel process and refocus your thoughts.  You can also learn coping strategies to manage the problem or give up the desire to control it if needed.·         Learn coping skills:  Having a balanced lifestyle helps tremendously to reduce and manage anxiety symptoms.  Looking at your eating, sleeping, physical activities, spirituality and leisure time is key to find that balance.If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, you can contact a Counselor or mental health provider.  I provide teletherapy for Texas residents and psychotherapy in Puerto Rico, you can reach me at 787-466-5478 for appointments.¿Cuáles son las mejores maneras de reducir la ansiedad?Tengo ansiedad por preocupaciones diarias, como las finanzas, relaciones, niños y mantener mi casa.Nuestra vida está llena de retos y presiones que comúnmente nos causan ansiedad.  Aquí unos consejos básicos para manejar esas preocupaciones.·         Aprende como detener tus pensamientos: Hay múltiples maneras de enseñarle a tu cerebro a reenfocarse.  Si permites que tu cerebro se enfoque en la fuente de ansiedad, entonces la ansiedad se apoderará de ti.  Pero puedes aprender a poner a un lado esos pensamientos que causan ansiedad, y enfocarte en pensamientos positivos, placenteros o simplemente enfocarte en la actividad que estás haciendo. ·         Planifica, organiza, delega: Crea una agenda para manejar las demandas diarias, organizar prioridades y delegar o compartir responsabilidades.   Trabaja en equipo con tu familia, de manera que puedas compartir la carga.  Organiza las actividades, gastos y tareas por prioridad.  Enfócate en lo urgente y necesario y distribuye lo que no es tan vital. ·         Identifica la fuente:  Ya que comprendes donde o qué inicia la ansiedad, puedes aprender a canalizarla, procesarla o reenfocar tus pensamientos. También puedes aprender a manejar la fuente de ansiedad, resolver el problema, o aceptar que no lo puedes controlar, si ese fuera el caso. ·         Aprende mecanismos de defensa: Tener un estilo de vida balanceado ayuda tremendamente a manejar síntomas de ansiedad.  Observar tus patrones de alimentación, descanso, ejercicio, espiritualidad y tiempo de ocio es clave para encontrar el balance. Si notas que continuas batallando con la ansiedad puedes contactar a un consejero profesional de salud mental.   Proveo teleterapia a residentes de Texas y Consejería en Puerto Rico, me puedes contactar al 787-466-5478 para hacer una cita.

What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?

I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.

Something to remember about anxiety is that it's a useful and necessary response to stressors, and we all have a level of anxiety that falls somewhere on the spectrum from very slight to very overwhelming. Anxiety is our brain's way of prompting us to deal with the stress in our lives by getting us geared up for action. Some helpful ways of managing anxiety are actually very simple. The first I'd recommend is a calm breathing technique - breathe in for 4-5 seconds, and then out for 7-8 seconds. Try to repeat this for 3-5 minutes. Another suggestion is to pay closer attention in the moments you feel the physical symptoms of anxiety and see if you can describe - without judging - the sensations to yourself. Try to be very specific, such as "my palms are feeling very sweaty, and I can feel the slight tightness and fluttering in my belly of the butterflies." Then try to sit with these sensations without deciding if they are good or bad - just experiencing them as intentionally as possible.  Combining the calm breathing with this technique can also be very helpful. If you feel that these techniques don't help and your anxiety about everyday stressors are inhibiting you from being able to engage in life the way you want to, then I'd highly recommend going for an assessment or even just consultation with a professional. This professional can help you determine if therapy/counseling would be helpful for you to develop additional skills for managing those interfering anxiety symptoms.

What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?

I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.

I encourage you to look at two things - what you can do (behaviors) to better manage anxiety and how can you change your thoughts (cognitions) that likely exacerbate anxiety. Behaviorally, it may benefit you to create more structure and improve your organization and time management skills. That might include the use of a planner, a consistent sleep wake-cycle, exercise and movement, and prioritizing activities of self-care. The second component take a little more self-reflection. What are some of your thoughts that are problematic? For example, catastrophic thinking is common amongst people who struggle with anxiety. Those thoughts might sounds something like, "This is the worst day ever." Now, perhaps it was the worst day ever, but more than likely it wasn't. More than likely, it was a difficult day or a stressful day. By correcting that thought from "worst day" to "a tough day" you bring the intensity of the anxiety down a notch. Making those kinds of corrections to your thinking throughout the day will help your anxiety feel less debilitating and more manageable.

What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?

I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.

I don't think there are many people in this world that can't relate to this question!  To a degree, it's helpful to worry about all the things you listed so you give attention to paying bills, working, meeting the needs in your relationships, taking care of your children, etc.  It also shows that you definitely care.How much of that worry allows you to plan vs. how much is just extra and causing you suffering?  For each category you listed, try to identify what your plan is (within your capabilities) and write it down.  You can even write down things that are uncertain and come up with ways to explore options for those uncertainties.  Doing this can separate what that extra worry looks like and when to target those thoughts, as well as help you to feel like you have things under more control.  What is shown to help us perform even better than worry is self-compassion.  Kristin Neff is one of the best researchers in this area.  Here's her website: https://self-compassion.org/Also remember that you are not alone.  Many of the people around you may appear to have life all together when in reality they may worry just as much.  If you have a friend or family member you feel you can talk to, it can be helpful to have their understanding or support, even reassurance that you are not doing a bad job.My last curiosity is if there are any ways you could make the things you are doing more enjoyable.  Can you listen to a podcast you like while doing dishes?  Or reward yourself with something you like (e.g., alone time, episode of your favorite show, etc.) after paying a bill?  Could you ask for help here and there if you have that available to you?  If you are multitasking with children, is there a way you can all do household maintenance together?  That may be unrealistic but if it's something that you find interest in, you could give it a shot.  You have so much on your plate so give yourself credit for what you are doing everyday!

What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?

I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.

Anxieties are an adrenal problem;Clean them out with a proper detox, using the food built for mankind, and a herbal protocol;Maybe throw in some fasting here and there to kick the kidneys into high gear and get the adrenals pumping...Every loss is a gain, so losing a car means you no longer hold responsibility to keep and maintain it...If you're really up for it, some contemplation (that is keep one thought *lightly* on your mind allllllll day; that is just focus upon it from time to time, "Man, I notice that the sky is really blue today... and the air is really crisp today..."); after 3-5 days of contemplation, see what you notice...

What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?

I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.

Anxiety is overwhelming insecurity.Try to think of why you'd feel insecure or have very little confidence in your ability to complete or be in relationships.Is it possible you were very heavily criticized when you were young and growing up?Very often kids who are not encouraged to try new activities, have fun in relating to others, learn to not trust themselves to handle these fundamental parts of life.Also, if you grew up in an alcoholic or abusive family, whether the the abuse was toward you or between your parents, it is possible these scenes made you a very insecure foundation on which to trust your yourself and other people.Examine the basics of your growing up years and what may explain why you feel insecure.To improve, be patient with yourself about. making mistakes and simply try in simple, small, and direct ways to do the actions you fear and in which you also would like to participate.

What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?

I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.

Which one gives you the most anxiety? List from top to bottom which one gives you the greatest anxiety and ask the question how come? From there, we can figure out the underlying factors of your anxiety.

What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?

I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.

Since it is clear that people react differently to the same stressors, we know that the stressors are not causing the anxiety, our thoughts about the stressors are. Often, cognitive distortions are the problem. Some common cognitive distortions include catastrophizing (predicting the worst), future telling, black and white thinking (if it's not perfect, it's terrible), mind-reading (I just know he is angry at me) and can't-standitis (I can't stand this situation). There are more, but the list is long, and if some of these are resonating with you, I would advise looking up CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) tips, worksheets, booklets etc. on line, or contact a local CBT therapist. Another helpful piece of info on anxiety, is that it is prone to something called "symptom stress" - being anxious about anxiety. If we could hear this symptom stress it might sound like, "Oh no I'm getting nervous about this, I'm getting uptight, I look nervous, what if I have a panic attack!" followed by  more cognitive distortions such as "I can't stand being anxious!" and "this is horrible!" The antidote to this is acceptance.  Kind of like not stopping the waves but learning to surf instead (Jon Kabat-Zinn). If you happen to feel anxious, say to yourself - this is just a reaction I'm having that is unpleasant, but not horrible. I can tolerate and survive some anxiety, I can breathe deeply, and I'll be OK because panic attacks never killed anyone. I can stand this and it is temporary. You get the idea.We can increase our awareness of anxiety-provoking self-talk, and counteract it with calming and reassuring self-talk. We have the ability to think about our thinking, decide which thoughts are healthy and which are unhealthy, and choose which to focus on. We brainwash ourselves with our thinking, and according to self-perception theory, " we learn what we believe when we hear ourselves speak," so we may as well be a calming, reassuring presence in our own minds. :)

I don't like going outside anymore

I don't understand why this is happening. Why do I feel this way?

Social anxiety has skyrocketed since COVID.  Plus could be trauma or PTSD.  Maybe you are a known person and feel safer not going so much out in public.  I understand as a known person in my field depending on where I am it can be a bit much.  Or maybe the things you found Joy in before are not as much of an interest.  It could be your age or menapause (hormones) and injury.  SO many things could be in play depending on the client and their lifestyle.  Always best to get a check up.  See if there is under lining medical issues and then go from there.

I don't like going outside anymore

I don't understand why this is happening. Why do I feel this way?

There could be a few reasons that's happening.  If you are afraid of leaving your home and going other places, that may be an anxiety response.  Not all people who feel this way have all the criteria for agoraphobia, but that doesn't mean it's not hard and doesn't interfere with your life.  This may be triggered by a fear of being around people or people seeing you.  It may also feel like leaving the safety of your home is too overbearing without a clear indication as to why.  When it is the latter, it's typically brought on by an anxiety disorder (such as panic disorder).If you have lost interest in going outside, that may be a very different clinical picture.  Did you used to enjoy getting outside but now feel like it is no longer enjoyable?  Have you lost interest in other things that you used to find joy in?  When depression is the culprit, it can feel like you don't get excited about things you used to like, which is also accompanied at times by feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, sleep and eating changes, and frequent sadness.  It's not uncommon for anxiety and depression symptoms to coexist, so you may be experiencing a little (or maybe a lot) of both.  If you feel like you need to speak to somebody about what you are going through, counselors can usually help and with the option of telehealth (online counseling) you don't have to leave your home to do so.If you don't have access to a counselor, your primary doctor can also help you understand your symptoms better and maybe even recommend some other options for you.

I don't like going outside anymore

I don't understand why this is happening. Why do I feel this way?

One reason may have to do with physical anxiety symptoms. This is common for people who experience panic attacks or physical anxiety symptoms. Often it begins with just avoiding certain places or activities where the symptoms happen. Over time, it's common for it to spread to more and more places and situations until many people get in the habit of not leaving their home at all in an effort to avoid the symptoms.

I don't like going outside anymore

I don't understand why this is happening. Why do I feel this way?

The short answer I could give is that we don't know why it's happening. The longer answer could come from deeper exploration as to your fears, or anxieties, that you experience maybe just thinking of going outside. But any sort of exploration about this almost HAS to begin with an agreement within you (and all of your feelings), that's it's not something to be ashamed of. If we are ashamed of any of our behaviors, then we lose the ability to sit with them and see where they are coming from. This could be something that can be worked through in therapy, and specifically with a therapist who specializes in anxiety and more specifically, agoraphobia.

I don't like going outside anymore

I don't understand why this is happening. Why do I feel this way?

The first step to answer your question is to reflect on what is going on in your life overall.  If you're in the midst of severe stress, whether within your relationship or effort to establish a relationship, upheaval in family dynamics, some type of significant loss like a job or someone with whom you feel closely attached, then you may simply be creating the solitude which is necessary to better understand and absorb the meaning of these changes.I assume you mean you are by yourself when you are indoors.What you write sounds like you're not happy with this recent urge rather than that you and someone or others are having great and fun times together.One way to encourage yourself to go back outdoors is to connect w a friend or search for an interest within you to develop.This way with either of these, you'd feel a little bit of motivation to join and get more involved with either of these.

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Anxiety can cause such a feeling of discomfort in our bodies that it can seem unbearable. The concern that I can hear in what you have written is that the thought of having some anxiety has now left you uncomfortable with any anxiety at all - and that can become a problem, indeed. As opposed to thinking about your anxiety as something much bigger than you, it could be helpful to start breaking it down. What are the things specifically that cause you anxiety about this new job? Is it being away from your family? If so, why? Once you start breaking down what causes you to feel anxiety into smaller "mouthfuls", then we are far better able to understand what has led to discomfort and start to problem solve the issue.

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

ask them what they mean by that?  You're not alone. 1 in 13 globally suffers from anxiety. The WHO reports that anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorders worldwide. - Anxiety and Depression Association of America Immediate relief1. Get a hug from a loved one2. Enjoy aromatherapy3. Create artworkI am sending you one NOW 🤗

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

CONGRATS to your new job!! You are working! You are taking care of your family!! Good FOR YOU!!! Transitions bring anxiety, but anxiety and anxiety attacks are treatable. Try utilizing some muscle relaxation techniques, massages, meditation, etc. I would also listen to things that help you to feel calm on the road, comedy stations that bring laughter, laughter is good for anxiety. Or listen to relaxing music, or biolateral sounds, or talking to a friend or a therapist while you're on the road. Hope this helps!

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Congrats on the new job! Why don't you take a moment and practice some self-appreciation for getting this job that's so important to you and your family.It sounds like you’re uncertain as to whether you have an anxiety disorder or not, so my first recommendation for you would be to see a licensed therapist or psychologist near you for a diagnosis.If you do live with anxiety and do have a history of panic attacks, you should seek therapy from an anxiety specialist who can help you develop techniques to manage anxiety and work through the underlying causes of anxiety. A good therapist will help you: Identify anxiety triggersName and scale the anxietyDevelop grounding toolsSet boundaries with family membersWork through past traumasSlowly expose yourself to the feared stimulusNotice and celebrate small wins I hope this answers your question and I wish you the best of luck in being able to get to and from your new job successfully, safely and calmly.

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Getting a new job is both exciting and scary. The bottom line is that you were hired because you CAN do this job. Take a moment to reflect on all of the hard work it took to get here. Next, identify habits that are proven to reduce the chance of anxiety attacks and plan how you can incorporate these into your routine. Habits may include getting a healthy amount of sleep, eating a balanced breakfast, avoiding social media, or meditating on the way to work. When or if feelings of anxiety do start to creep in, reassure yourself that this feeling is temporary and will pass. When you can, be mindful of your breathing and take some deep breaths in slower moments. Most importantly, have confidence in your ability to do well. After all, you were hired for a reason!

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

It's understandable that you would experience anxiety as your job involves a long commute away from home. One of the ways to cope with this situation might be to think about all the good that will come out of the sacrifice you are making to  help support your family financially.There may be many other benefits you are drawing from working such as professional growth or other areas you can focus on. Doing a cost benefit analysis can also be helpful in identifying the advantages of this experience which may help decrease your worry. As a HeartMath Certified Practitioner, I would also recommend a deep breathing technique known as heart focused breathing. It is simple to do and will help you enjoy a sense of calm and ease whenever you feel you need it. All the very best to you.  Just click here:   Heart focused breathing

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

One thing to know is that anxiety is not a bad thing--it is the body's natural response that mobilizes us to action.  If you think about it in terms of preparation, your anxiety is helping your body to be ready to perform through something important to you or protect you from harm.  A question worth asking is, what are you really afraid of happening if you have an anxiety attack while driving?  Are you worried you won't make it to your new job?  Are you scared of letting your family down?  Do you fear you will crash?  Knowing what you fear will happen because of your anxiety can help to determine where your mental focus would be best suited.  For example, if you fear you won't make it to your job, you can create a list of thoughts to support you through those fears (e.g., I am capable of making it to my new job, etc).Despite knowing the origin of your anxiety, it can still feel very scary to go through an anxiety attack.  Just anticipating anxiety can, ironically, increase your chances of experiencing it.  A really great way to manage this is via mindful breathing.  There are so many youtube videos and recordings of how to control your breathing in order to calm your body's anxiety response that work best even before you've felt a spike of fear.  Taking time each day to practice deep breathing, even for just a few minutes, can be a helpful tool to grounding yourself in the present moment vs fearing the unknown. Doing a practice run on the route you will be taking could also send a big message to the part of your brain that creates your fear response.  Practicing getting to your location can reduce that fear of the unknown, as well as teach your anxiety that you performed the drive once and nothing bad happened; in response, your anxiety doesn't feel a need to set off your alarm so loud.Something really important to remember is that having anxiety or an anxiety attack does not mean you are in danger.  Anxiety can feel awful, but it will always come back down.  Give yourself credit that you can make it through any response your body has--after all, that's what your body was built to do!

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

First, congratulations on your new job.  Apparently your employers think highly of you, since they hired you!You say that "people keep telling" you that you have "anxiety" - how do they know?  Have you told others you are sometimes upset or nervous?  Have you been treated for anxiety?  Or is that a perception that others have that you haven't been able to counter?It's a new job, and it requires you to do new things, in new places, with new people.  Being nervous is not just normal, it may actually help you be on your toes and do a good job.  Unless YOU think you have anxiety, do not let others predict your future.If you believe you are anxious, get in to see a therapist and address it.  Anxiety is very treatable, and you don't have to suffer with it - but you do have to acknowledge it and work towards health.However....If, in  your experience, this is more a nervous energy than an anxiety issue, there are things you can do to address it:  Make sure you take good care of yourself, especially in the first month or two of the new job.  That means eating well, getting adequate rest, moving your body (walking, swimming, dancing, etc) every day, and staying in touch with friends and family who are positive and supportive.Below is an article I wrote that might give you more tips too.A quick way to combat stressDo you ever feel like your brain is"bouncy" and won't settle down? Your brain, that magnificent machine, is notmuch different than the brain that kept your ancestors alive in dangeroussituations.  Today, though you may notneed to worry about a mountain lion having you for dinner, other stresses areperceived and processed just you’re the physical dangers your ancestors faced.That means a looming deadline or a fight withyour partner creates the same "fight/flight/freeze" response thatsaved your ancestor way back in the day. If you "burned off" that adrenaline and cortisol cocktail byrunning or fighting off a predator, you would feel the relief and exhaustionbut you would have also metabolized the stress chemicals that are meant to keepyou alive. However, when there is no physical response tothe stressor your body is "all wound up with no place to go".  Over time this creates not only the"bouncy brain" feeling of distractibility and distress, but canmanifest itself in physical ailments.It’s impossible to avoid stress forever, butsometimes you just need a way to relieve the pressures of life for a moment.Here's a quick way to settle your brain into a feeling of rest instead ofdistress:Put one hand on your chest at collarbone leveland one on your belly just under your naval. Now, take a slow deep breath filling your abdomen with air, just likeyou would fill a glass with water...from the bottom up.  When you are full of air, pause for just amoment and really feel the fullness. Then slowly exhale, just like you would pour water out, from the topdown.  Pause again at "empty"and feel the relief of space.  Repeat for5-10 cycles.If you find yourself feeling stressed anddistressed too often, and you are a California resident, let’s talk!  Book a complimentary 15 minute video consulthere: abalancedapproach.com

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Its understandable to have anxiety when transitioning to a new job/career or any other major life change. Doing some mindfulness activities such as deep breathing exercises, grounding, or mindfulness meditation can help center and calm yourself in moments of anxiety when being away from your family.It may also be helpful to make a list of your concerns or fears about being away from your family. What are you afraid will happen while you are away? Once you've identified those fears you can challenge them and determine whether they are based on fact or your emotions.

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Hi, It is really good that you are working so hard to take care of your family. Anxiety can be so challenging, especially when new challenges have come up. It would be good to work through some of these issues you are experiencing, and examine your self care and support processes.

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Congratulations on your new job. Chances are, you accepted this opportunity knowing that sometimes, you feel heightened levels of anxiety while traveling (or at least, people are telling you this is true) Rather than working towards how to stop it from happening, it might make more sense to prepare for if it does: often, when we know how we might deal with a situation, the situation doesn't manifest. On a more broad scope, though, tools to minimize anxious feelings abound: there are apps (headspace or happify for example) therapy helps, and tools like yoga and meditation can help reduce anxious feelings too. Safe travels~

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Anxiety or panic attacks can be very frightening.  Here are a few "tools" you can use that will help in the short term:  Keeping your mind occupied by listening to books on tape may help;  Counting backwards from 100 in 7's; Naming cities that begin with each letter of the alphabet; Keeping some ice or an ice pack in a cooler beside you, which you may take out and hold in your hand or to your face; Soothing self-talk such as "This is uncomfortable, but I can handle it" or "I've been through this before and can make it through again".  I recommend that you seek out a Therapist to help you with some long-term solutions to the anxiety.  Additionally, learning to breathe into the abdomen and practicing this daily is another long-term solution.  Yoga and meditation would be great!

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Bravo, on your success in securing a job and also for being proactive with your need. Starting a new job can be scary and having to travel away from your home and family can make it even more anxiety provoking. Do allow yourself to be anxious about this new journey, we can be hard on ourselves, think if it was a friend that was turning to you for help, what solutions would you have offered them, but also continue to seek to secure right support as well. Talking to your physician is always a good place to start; your physician can tell you if there are organic influences causing your anxiety that may be out of your control. Additionally, talking to close or compassionate family and friends is always good. It is important that you turn to supportive people at the time of emotional need, talking about our challenges can help break the cycle of anxiety at least momentarily. Remember, to further your success, it requires a healthy self, if you have supportive relationships relying on and turning to people who can be there without judgment is great. Healthy lifestyle like eating right, sleeping enough, and regular exercise also never fails to help improve overall emotional health. Additional self-care measures such as repeated relaxation practices can help you become more familiar with your nervous systems reactivity and you can implement strategies to ease anxiety in various situations as it demands. The more resources the better you will be equipped to manage challenges and concerns at the time notice.  You can find a lot from the internet too, use your best judgment as what may not be appropriate for you there are some wonderful apps on most smartphones that can help you learn and practice grounding strategies to ease anxiety. If you have access to a therapy you find more specific strategies that would best fit your needs. Good luck, wish you a happy journey and much success.

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

First of all, congratulations on your new role! Transitions can be challenging, and it sounds like you are experiencing a lot of change.  This would be difficult for many people, and it seems that you have an added layer of challenge.  I recommend visiting a therapist to determine the root cause of your anxiety and working to unravel those causes piece by piece. I know seeing a therapist can be challenging when traveling, and online counseling could be a good solution. In the meantime, here are a few of my favorite anxiety stopping strategies.  1. Grounding Exercises: When you feel your anxiety increasing, take a deep breath and begin things in your room (or where ever you are) that have things in common. For example, name all of the blue things that you can see.  You can also do non-visual grounding exercises like naming all of the hte sports teams you can think of or all of the state capitals.  This will get your mind off of your anxiety and connect you to space.  2. The pretzel: This is a seated pose that will stop any anxiety attack in its tracks.  Start in a seated position and cross your dominate leg over your nondominant leg. Then, stretch your arms out in front of you with the back of your hands facing one another.  Cross your arms in front of each other so that your palms are touching.  Flip your arms into your body.  You will end with your elbows by your side and your hands crossed under your chin.  Close your eyes and take long breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.  This calming pose will help you get through even the toughest of panic episodes. 3. Bilateral stimulation and visualization: Start in a seated position with your hands placed on your knees. Tap each knee in an alternating pattern. Close your eyes and begin visualizing a peaceful setting. The combination of bilateral stimulation and visualization will help calm your body and mind.  I could go on and on, but these techniques should get you started.  These techniques should help you manage anxiety in a pinch.  Best of luck!

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

It is ok to have anxiety.   Please don't be anxious about being anxious.If you feel anxiety coming over you, then pull off the road to a safe place.   Concentrate on centering yourself and to breath slowly.   Take some sips of water.  Sit still.     The anxiety should pass in about twenty minutes.If it does not pass, then continue calming yourself until you feel safe enough to drive to your hotel.     You can always explain to your supervisor that you were taking care of a medical problem, because anxiety is a medical problem.

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Anxiety often occurs when big or unexpected changes come to our lives, like having new jobs, relocating, or assuming new roles. Notice if your anxiety feels like excitement, concerns, or fear.It seems like you are excited about your new job, but worried because OTHERS are telling you that you have anxiety.   Let's notice how other‘s input is affecting your thoughts and maybe causing more anxiety that you may really have.   If you are indeed experiencing anxiety, that does not mean that you will have panic attacks.   But if you are experiencing panic attacks, or suffer them at some point, you could learn how to reduce them either with therapy or medication.You can learn how to process it depending what triggers it and channel it, in a useful way.  For example, you could plan a schedule around your new job and be meticulous about it because you are worried about how your new job may affect your routine, or, you could feel overwhelmed with your schedule, focus on the feeling, but not do anything about it.  Notice the difference?  The key is in recognizing if you are anxious about something that you can change or have control over it, and take action if you do, and recognizing when you cannot control things and be OK with not being in control.I teach clients how to use meditation and cognitive reframing techniques to help calm anxiety symptoms.  If you are interested in engaging in counseling or teletherapy you may contact me at 787-466-5478.I wish you success on your new journey!Estoy preocupada por mi nuevo trabajoLa gente me dice que tengo ansiedad y estoy aterrorizada de tener un ataque de pánico en la carretera.  Esto es nuevo par a mí. ¿Que puedo hacer?La ansiedad ocurre comúnmente cuando llegan cambios grandes o inesperados en nuestras vidas, como tener un nuevo empleo, mudarse o asumir nuevos roles.Al parecer estás emocionada por tu nuevo trabajo, pero preocupada por que OTROS te dicen que tienes ansiedad.  Notemos como la opinión de otros esta influenciando tus pensamientos y tal vez te puede estar causando más ansiedad de lo que realmente tienes.  Si realmente estas pasando por un periodo de ansiedad, no es necesario que vayas a experimentar ataques de pánico.  Pero si ya los haz experimentado puedes utilizar terapia o medicamentos para controlarlos.Nota si tu ansiedad se siente emocionante, preocupada o temerosa.  Puedes aprender a procesar estos sentimientos dependiendo que pensamiento los causen y canalizar la ansiedad de manera productiva.  Por ejemplo: te puedes enfocar en organizar una agenda porque te preocupa como tu nuevo empleo afectara tu rutina diaria.  O te puedes sentir agobio respecto a cómo tu trabajo afecta tu rutina, y no hace nada más que preocuparte constantemente.  ¿Notas la diferencia?  La clave está en saber cuándo te preocupas  por algo que puedes cambiar, y tomar acción; vs. cuando te preocupas  por algo que no puedes cambiar y aceptar que no lo puedes cambiar.Le enseño a mis pacientes a  usar técnicas de meditación y re enfoque cognitivo para manejar síntomas de ansiedad  y desorden de pánico.  Si te interesa una cita de consejería o tele-terapia me puedes contactar al 787-466-5478. ¡Mucho éxito en tu nueva jornada!

I'm worried about my new job

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

There are lots of things you can do, but first: Congratulations on your new job!  Commuting long distances can be stressful, but there are some things you can do.First, make sure that your seating arrangement in your car is comfortable. If you are driving long distances on a regular basis, you want to make sure that your body is in a comfortable position. Second, select some music or podcasts that work for you, rather than against you. Soothing music is good, as well as inspirational podcasts. Alternatively, listening to books can be a great way to spend the time, improve your mood, and find inspiration. Third, make sure that you have plenty of time for your commute. If the drive normally takes you 30 minutes, plan on 45 (or if it's 45 minutes, plan on an hour). This way you won't be rushed, can take your time, can focus on your driving, and if traffic is a bit backed up, you've got plenty of time to reach your destination.Finally, if you do find yourself being anxious in a way that impedes your driving, pull over to the side of the road, take some deep breaths, and sit with your feelings. Take a deep drink of water. Consider jotting your feelings down in a journal. If its safe, get out of the car and walk around a bit, stretching you muscles and breathing in the air.But most of all, be kind to yourself. I wish you much success in your new job.

Can I control anxiety without medication?

I had a head injury a few years ago and my mind races all the time. I have trouble sleeping and have a lot of anxiety. Every medicine I have been on my body rejects; I get sick to my stomach and get blisters in my mouth. How can I calm my self down? I'm a wreck.

You didn't say what or how many medications you've tried. Certain anxiety medications can make you feel nauseous, but I haven't heard of any that cause mouth blisters, so there may be some other underlying medical issue there. I would definitely talk to your primary care physician and whoever has prescribed the medication as well as a neurologist if you've suffered a severe head injury. There are so many medications available for anxiety or insomnia or even depression that there may be others with lesser side effects.But beyond that, have you tried any other treatments such as deep breathing or meditation? Meditation can be very effective, but it takes practice and you don't have to sit cross-legged for hours chanting "Ohm" to meditate. It's about focusing on your breath, rather than all the thoughts that are racing through your head. And when they do take your mind off your breath, simply refocus (and refocus and refocus). Like I said, it takes practice, so don't give up. You can find many sites offering different ways to meditate, so look around and see what works best for you. Like medication, you just have to find the one that works best and that might take some experimentation.I hope this helps and best of luck to you.

How can I deal with my best friend, whom I have a crush on, having a crush on someone else?

I've known my best friend for eight years, and I've slowly begun to form a crush on him. I sort of thought he liked me back until he told me about his actual crush. I have really bad anxiety over this.

That must feel heartbreaking to you.  Where do you think that anxiety comes from?  I would try some self-reflecting to see what comes up there.  Maybe you are worried about losing your best friend, or something completely different.  It's understandable that you would have a lot of feelings in this situation, especially since this person is very close to you.  The dealing with it part is probably going to be pretty tough.   You are processing through circumstances that you probably can't talk to him, your best friend, about.  Do you have anyone else you can talk through it with?  Maybe another good friend or someone that knows the situation?  When we're most in need sometimes we become more aware of who around us can be of help.  A counselor can help here, too if that's an option you are considering or have access to.If he does start leaning on you to talk about his crush, there may be some boundaries that you could consider putting up.  That may mean distancing from him a bit, or telling him how you feel.  That part is all up to what you feel most right doing and what works best for your friendship.  Try to remember that you are not less than just because he may not reciprocate the same romantic feelings you do.  We are all worthy of that kind of love.

How do I get over my anxiety of talking to new people?

I'm socially awkward. I've always want to be popular. I've had the opportunity to be popular, but every time I get i,t I'm too scared. All I have to do is talk the popular people. They're really nice to me, but I'm too scared of change. I really want to work up the courage to lose my fear.

Talking to people can be pretty scary.  When we talk to people, sometimes we overanalyze what we say or how we react in fear that we will seem weird or they won't like us, which makes us appear awkward.  So that overthinking piece can ironically work against us.When you talk to them, really spend time to listen to what they are saying.  Your default may be to think about how you will respond or what's cool to say, but people like it best (usually) when you are genuine and yourself.  If you focus on what you are paying attention to (them), then you will naturally have a response.  If you can overthink about yourself, you can definitely have some thoughts pop up when talking to other people!Also keep in mind that if the conversations turn out to be less than you'd hoped for, that's OK.  I'm assuming you are in high school, but in any situation with peers, if they don't like you then they aren't worth all your worry and effort.  Give change a chance--you've endured change in your life before this, so let it happen again.  You are in control here--you get to choose who you talk to and don't talk to.  That can be powerful!

How do I get over my anxiety of talking to new people?

I'm socially awkward. I've always want to be popular. I've had the opportunity to be popular, but every time I get i,t I'm too scared. All I have to do is talk the popular people. They're really nice to me, but I'm too scared of change. I really want to work up the courage to lose my fear.

Give yourself credit here!  It sounds like you are liked and people want to get to know you!  I would wonder with you, what is the self-talk going on when you get too scared to talk to people?  Those statements are probably connected to some core beliefs (I'm __________, I'll never __________, I'm not __________________, etc.), which probably need to be examined for truth and challenged!  Often times, practice helps!  You could start by having a conversation with someone you already feel comfortable with, but talk about a topic you've never discussed before.  Next, you could strike up conversation with someone who is new to you, but for a brief time, like a cashier or waitress/waiter.   Keep taking steps towards practicing talking to new people, and build your skills and confidence with each conversation.  Sure, you'll probably feel awkward and uncomfortable and say some silly things, but you'll also probably say some brilliant things, and you're doing it!  Eventually, you'll probably feel more comfortable talking to the people who you'd like to talk to, without so much fear. Learning new things are tough!  Once you get some practice and confidence under your belt, you can get more and more comfortable with your abilities to talk to new people.

How do I get over my anxiety of talking to new people?

I'm socially awkward. I've always want to be popular. I've had the opportunity to be popular, but every time I get i,t I'm too scared. All I have to do is talk the popular people. They're really nice to me, but I'm too scared of change. I really want to work up the courage to lose my fear.

Change can be uncomfortable, but sometimes those uncomfortable moments are the opportunity for us to be the person we feel we really are.  It sounds like you like to spend the time in your head anticipating the worst, why not be in the present and encourage yourself that you can talk to people and it will be okay.  By telling yourself it will not be okay, or that it will go wrong you are hurting your confidence to do what you want.  Give yourself some credit for being awesome and tell yourself you can build new friendships...it may be the motivation you need to move past this fear.

I feel burned out

I haven't been feeling like myself lately. I've been upset for no reason and feeling anxious. I'm feeling burnt out. What can help me feel better?

I would first say that those are difficult thoughts and feelings that sound exhausting. I can't image how this must feel, but I can assure you that you are not alone. These are common experiences in our society where we are made to feel as though we must "go go go". Especially in the current world situation, even simple things can feel overwhelming. I believe that starting with "baby steps" such as taking even 10-20 minutes for yourself daily to be in the quiet and reflect can be helpful. Recognizing that even small self-care steps such as drinking more water, eating healthier foods, or taking a hot bath can be helpful to relieve stress.

I feel burned out

I haven't been feeling like myself lately. I've been upset for no reason and feeling anxious. I'm feeling burnt out. What can help me feel better?

It's OK that you are going through that, even though it is probably very miserable.  Feeling burnt out is usually a sign that something is out of balance in our lives and we need to make some adjustments.How are boundaries set up in your life?  If these are lacking in your work life, social life, or personal life, that could be draining.  This can be all too true for people that feel like putting up boundaries is selfish or that others will reject you if you do; however, realistic boundaries are super healthy for both yourself and others. For example, I have a boundary on how many people I see in a week and when I discuss work-related issues--this helps me take care of myself in ways that make me a better counselor and lets other people know exactly what I expect so there's no guessing.Another question to consider is, what are you doing to recharge from stressors?  We tend to get so caught up in responsibilities that we miss opportunities to slow down.  We try to put a blind eye to how we are feeling and just push through, but our bodies will tell us when it's too much, whether that's through physical pain, emotional pain, or both. Consider the metaphor of a car:  if you are low on gas, your gas light comes on.  You can keep driving, but eventually you're going to need to stop and fill up, no matter how badly you want to make it to the next exit. Anxiety and other feelings popping up may be a sign you are just too overwhelmed and need to recharge!How you attempt that may look different from others.  What brings you joy?  Is there a person or people that recharge you?  Or do you recharge better doing something alone?  If you feel it's a struggle to find answers to these questions, try to remember things that have peaked your interests and brought you joy in the past.  It could be something as simple as taking a walk, creating something, baking, etc.  It can be a process, so no matter how quickly you want to move through this, just be patient with yourself!

I feel burned out

I haven't been feeling like myself lately. I've been upset for no reason and feeling anxious. I'm feeling burnt out. What can help me feel better?

Does it help to put a name to the experience you are having? Where you first said, "I've been upset for no reason and feeling anxious," you then say that you are "feeling burnt out," which gives a little more context to what may have once felt like "no reason." Perhaps you are feeling burnt out! That is a big deal, and please try not to take it lightly! When we get burnt out, I have found that it's from one of two things: either we are not doing what we want, or we are doing too much (either of something we want or something we don't, doesn't really matter once we get into doing too much.)If either of those rings true for your experience, try as much as possible to sit with the experience and get a better sense of where the burn out is coming from. I wrote about burnout for a newsletter and it is on my website. I don't want to do shameless promotion, but I thought it could also add to helping you: https://davidkleintherapy.com/my-experiences-with-burnout/I hope that you can also see that it's not an abnormal experience.

I feel burned out

I haven't been feeling like myself lately. I've been upset for no reason and feeling anxious. I'm feeling burnt out. What can help me feel better?

There's no such possibility that you're upset for "no reason"!The reason is not obvious, not that you are feeling upset in response to nothing at all.What can help you feel better is to be kind and gentle with yourself because this sort of approach will more likely relax your mood and mindset enough for the tension and anxiety you feel, to dissipate somewhat.Try to understand whether certain situations or interactions remind you or feel similar to ones which distressed you before.This may be the reason for your anxiety.It is good news that you know the difference between your usual sense of yourself and that you've been away from this feeling.Give yourself a little credit for understanding yourself.   Giving credit adds confidence and confidence will help you find the reasons and new ways to handle your anxiety.

How can I avoid thinking much?

I start thinking deeply about everything I may do or say and about anything that may happen. I really want to avoid it since it really bothers me.

As you know (probably very well), those types of thinking patterns are energy suckers.  I'm assuming you are often tired and don't sleep as well as you could, especially as our thoughts tend to creep up on us when we are trying to fall asleep.One thing to know is that those thought patterns are a protective mechanism.  Ruminating on what could happen and how we will respond is how we feel prepared for what's to come.  In a logical sense, there's so much uncertainty in life that trying to plan all that out is nearly impossible.  Although not a bad idea to have a game plan or rehearse how you are going to respond to conflict, endlessly revisiting those things tend to take away from why we want to be prepared in the first place--to protect our well-being (in any aspect).  The trick is how to calm the brain which is so much easier said than done!  To start, take the time to write your thoughts down.  You can do that via journaling, or by splitting a piece of paper into two categories (one side is helpful planning and other side unhelpful planning).  The brain is a spectacular organ, but sometimes we really need to see things externally to be able to process them effectively.  Excessive worry is really a result of pretty significant fears--whether those fears come from not feeling like you can handle situations, that other people can't handle things, that you will lose something important to you, or that you will fail.  Writing about those fears could help you understand where those thoughts are coming from, or you could even talk those out with a friend or counselor.  Sometimes someone else's feedback about our situations can change how we see things since we tend to get perpetually stuck in the same perspectives.My last suggestion is to work on trying to stay in the present via mindfulness, at least 5 minutes a day.  It's probably going to feel foreign and weird, maybe even scary, since you live more in the future vs the present moment.  It's common for the brain to respond by trying to push back into those thinking patterns, but mindfulness actually increases your ability to problem-solve and see things more clearly.  Constant anxiety clouds us.  Mindfulness clears that out.  And I'm sure you really could use a brain break!

How do I calm down during a panic attack?

I have a panic attack at least once a week and suffer from severe anxiety.

I'm sorry you're going through that.  Panic attacks are terrifying.One thing to start with is knowing that panic attacks are not going to hurt you and your anxiety will come down with time.  Fighting that process can sometimes heighten symptoms because your brain wants the message of panic to be heard.  Some of the best ways to counter that message is through focusing on the present moment through sensations or breathing.  Taking deep breaths allows your body and brain to slow down, sending the message that there's no present danger.  Focusing on the present can also send the same message, as anxiety typically throws us into the "what ifs" of the future.  If you search google or pinterest, there are tons of methods you can use for this---some people prefer to focus on colors, shapes, smells, textures, etc., while other prefer to pay attention to internal sensations.  There are also apps that can help with these techniques, such as Calm and Headspace.  They work best when you aren't in a panic attack or when you feel one coming on.  If you are already at the peak of an attack, they can still help, it just may take a bit longer.  Some clients I have like to track their anxiety with a scale system.  Let's say you scale your anxiety at an 8 out of 10, do some breathing exercises for 5 minutes, then scale it again.  It's likely the anxiety decreased, at least to a 7 or 7.5.  Doing this can give you some physical proof that you have some control over your body.  You can also scale it without the breathing to see how it just fluctuates on its own.  Anxiety will always go down and you can see that happening via numbers.  This method will let you see the light at the end of the tunnel.There are other ways that might work for you via a quick google search, or through therapy.  Keep trying new things until you find what works best for you!

What can I do when I feel like my life is out of control?

I was in a car accident and totaled my car. I gave up my job of nine years to pursue school full-time to better myself. I failed a class, and my boyfriend that I live with thinks I’m stupid and wants to break up with me. I have nowhere to go, and I feel like I’m losing everything.

Doesn't sound like your boyfriend is a source of support and I'm really sorry to hear that.  And my assumption is that the car accident was traumatic for you and still impacts you in some ways.By just reading what you wrote, I'm not sure what that impact has been on you, but I get the impression that maybe you are now carless and have no reliable method of transportation to get to school or other places you need to go.  Maybe you are also scared to be in a vehicle?  My first thought after reading this is that I wouldn't be thrilled about getting into a car if mine was totaled in an accident.  It may even incite terror.  None of that is your fault--it's an expected response to a horrible situation.My second thought was that you are obviously very committed and reliable if you had a job of nine years.  Not to mention brave for stepping out of the comfort of a job to pursue school full-time.  That's a giant transition that you should get so much credit for, from yourself and from the people closest to you.  Failing doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. I've failed classes as well when I was just starting out in college.  It truly doesn't mean anything about you--it just means that things got in the way and you can either try again, or learn something about yourself (or both) and what you want out of an academic career.  The feelings around failing may feel raw at the moment, but readdress them in a couple weeks or a month and notice how your perspective may change, as well as the steps you may take despite the situation.  Be careful of how much your boyfriend is contributing to how you feel about yourself, too.  I'm guessing you already felt pretty terrible, then his words or actions rubbed it in.  Who do you have in your life that is compassionate toward you?  If you aren't sure, seeking out a counselor can be really great with all the emotions of a big transition like you are going through.  In the meantime, focus on the things you have total control over--your breath, little choices that you make throughout the day, etc.  Mindfulness and meditation can be a way for you to get some peace and slow down from the chaos of your life and thoughts.

What can I do when I feel like my life is out of control?

I was in a car accident and totaled my car. I gave up my job of nine years to pursue school full-time to better myself. I failed a class, and my boyfriend that I live with thinks I’m stupid and wants to break up with me. I have nowhere to go, and I feel like I’m losing everything.

When we feel overwhelmed by life situations, it is important to understand where the feeling is coming from.  Once we understand the source, it is important to normalize the situations that got us there and find balance in our lives.First, car accidents are common, and since they are accidents they are not a reflection of us.   When we have an accident we feel anxious, worried, and may have some trauma after the accidents.  If you have been experiencing anxiety since the car accident, talk to your doctor or therapist about it.  Second, a lot of people fail classes, tasks, deadlines, etc. but they don’t give up on their goal.  We have to remember that failing is part of the learning process, and having the courage to try again is what gives us determination and character.  Remind yourself what motivated you to leave your job, and the courage and determination that took to do so, then channel that energy back into school.  Third, when we have problems in our relationships, is helpful to look for ways to improve communication, discuss our concerns and how we want to resolve them, but it may be that the relationship needs to end if there isn’t enough interest in one of the parts or if there’s verbal or emotional abuse.  Consider talking to your boyfriend and set some boundaries regarding appropriate communication.At all times:  focus on being kind to yourself and improving your self-esteem: increase self-care activities, do more things that you enjoy, meditate in what gives you peace and make an effort to have more of that in your life.   At the end, you are the one in control of your life, and you determine who you become.¿Qué puedo hacer cuando siento que mi vida está fuera de control?Estuve en un accidente de auto, y fue pérdida total.  Deje mi trabajo de 9 años para completar un grado a tiempo completo.  Falle una clase, y mi novio piensa que soy estúpida, el quiere dejarme.  No tengo a donde ir y siento que lo estoy perdiendo todo.Cuando nos sentimos agobiados es importante reconocer donde estamos parados y entender de donde vienen esas emociones.  Ya que entendemos la fuente de agobio, es importante normalizar las situaciones que lo causaron, y volver a encontrar el balance en nuestra vida.Primero, los accidentes de auto son comunes, y por ser accidentes no son un reflejo de nosotros o nuestras destrezas.  Cuando experimentamos accidentes no s sentimos ansiosos, preocupados, y puede que experimentemos algún trauma.  Si sientes ansiedad, extrema preocupación habla con tu doctor o terapista al respecto.  Segundo, muchas personas fallan clases, tareas, fechas de entrega, pero no se rinden.  Tenemos que recordar que fallar es parte del proceso de aprendizaje, y tener el valor de intentarlo de nuevo, es lo que nos da determinación y carácter.   Recuerda que te impulsó a dejar tu trabajo y canaliza esa energía en la escuela.  Tercero,  cuando tenemos problemas en las relaciones, es importante comunicar nuestras preocupaciones y diferencias, pero puede ser que la relación termine si no hay interés mutuo o si hay algún tipo de abuso.   Considera hablar con tu novio y establecer límites respecto a la comunicación apropiada.En todo momento: enfócate en cuidarte a ti misma y mejorar tu autoestima, aumenta las actividades que te ayudan a sentirte bien, medita sobre lo que te paz y pasa más tiempo practicando esas actividades.

How can I manage my budding anxiety?

I have been thinking a lot about certain situations and having my worries about what others may think or say.

I think it's a great idea that you are asking this question now while it's early on. The first thing I wonder is what age you are.  At different transitions and stages in life, it's really common for anxieties to come out of the woodwork.  First time this takes place at a greater level is during adolescence, because a teen's "job" is to figure out who they are within the context of other people.  Spikes in anxiety also can also occur after high school when you are leaving the nest and heading to college, or the late twenties when it feels like you are expected to have your life figured out and compare to where others are in their lives.  That same scenario can show up in mid-life as well for different reasons depending on the person.  Aside from age, certain circumstances can influence a jump in anxiety, such as a job change, switching schools, moving, opening a business, college finals, etc.  Take some time to explore where the anxiety might be coming from and just see what comes up.  It may be something you have some control over, or something that you can ask for help from someone else for--especially if it's social anxiety.  The more you practice social skills, the more confidence you'll have in the long-run.A metaphor I use with some people is gas for a car.  Anxiety is a necessary motivator for action, though you get to decide where to go with that anxiety.  An overfilled tank doesn't get you any further than a normally-filled tank, and more gas doesn't mean the gas is in charge of where you go.  Applying that to what I know about your situation--how much of that worrying is getting you somewhere, how much is just extra gas, and are the worries changing what you really want to do? Sometimes knowing the makeup of our anxiety gives us more power over how we deal with it, and I think you could for sure get there with some help.

How can I overcome social anxiety?

I have a fear of talking with people. I don't like to go out to social events. I'm always worrying about someone judging me.

Thanks for reaching out and asking this question.  Social stuff is hard.  Even for people that don't have diagnosed social anxiety.  Some research outlines that our fear of public speaking is greater than our fear of death.  That's hefty!  Shame is often the culprit for social anxiety because we think other people will see the flaws in ourselves that we believe are there.  I've had experiences where I thought the person thought something awful of me, just to find out it was exactly the opposite.  That's how powerful our minds can be!What are other things that people may think of you?  Maybe you are very kind and easy to talk to.  Maybe you think differently than other people and some people enjoy hearing your perspectives.  It's even a possibility that they are worrying about the same things as you, even if they seem very confident.  Confidence can be easy to fake if it's how you cope with fear.To work through some of that, it's much better to force yourself out there and have conversations.  Avoiding people sends the message to your brain that not only are those situations dangerous (socially), but that you can't handle them.  The more you avoid, the harder it gets and the more anxiety is created by just the thought of being around people.  Take it moment by moment, too.  Thinking about all the conversations you are confronted with in a day is overwhelming.  Just focus on getting through each conversation, and give yourself credit for doing that---even if you felt awkward, embarrassed, etc.  Social skills can be taught at any stage of life, and there's always room for mistakes.  No one in society communicates perfectly and you don't need to put that pressure on yourself.The last thing I'd say is keep at least 1-3 people in your life that feel really good to talk to--like it's not a task.  Talking to acquaintances and random people is not to fulfill a need for close connection (unless you end up finding a great friend), but more to feel like you are definitely able to handle conversations without the threat of crippling anxiety.  You may even get to a place where you enjoy it (sometimes).  Reach out to people in your life if you need extra support!

How can I stop worrying much?

I have a bad habit of thinking and worrying about what others may think of me. I really want to stop it and enjoy things.

We all experience that to a different level, depending on who you ask.  It's actually born out of a good quality---prosocialness.  When we care what others think of us, we are also attuned to how we are treating them and what's socially right vs wrong.  It definitely does feel like it's more about ourselves, however--meaning it feels like we worry about what others think because we don't want to be socially outcast or rejected.  That's also (again, to a certain level) a healthy quality.  It means you want connection.  Connection is crucial to mental health and, according to some available research, physical health.  No matter how mentally healthy or socially confident you are, if you care about connection, you're going to care about what people think of you to an extent.  So the work here is to figure out what worry is warranted vs what is just causing you suffering.  A good way to tell the difference here is to write it out in list form.  Write out all the socially-anxious thoughts you have and scale them from "needed" or "helpful" to "unnecessary" or "unhelpful".  Some may fall in the gray area here.  For example: if you worry that others think you are inconsiderate, so you often say sorry---weed out what's actually inconsiderate vs what you feel is maybe inconsiderate because you feel like a burden to others.  Getting in someone's personal space would warrant some worry and an apology.  Asking for help when you need it is something you don't have to apologize for.  Something else to consider here is there's probably some underlying shame.  Shame is a cluster of really tough feelings and if it had a voice, it'd say things like, "you're not good enough", "you aren't likeable", "you are annoying and no one wants to be around you", etc.  Those feelings typically create the worry you experience about others.  Shame survives and is strengthened by the attention you give to it.  The more you compete with it, the less powerful it becomes.  Sometimes that comes in the form of noticing the wonderful qualities in yourself.  Sometimes it takes practice putting yourself out there when it's really scary.  No matter what, shame's nemesis is connection---to yourself and to others.  That's how you prove it's wrong.  Try not to take shame at face value!If you are struggling with using these techniques or just don't know if they are right for you, a counselor can help you out and give you a more individualized approach.  Sometimes it's just figuring out that specific formula that works for you that makes all the difference.  And of course, counseling is built on a strong connection.I wish you all the best!

How can I stop worrying much?

I have a bad habit of thinking and worrying about what others may think of me. I really want to stop it and enjoy things.

Thinking about what others think of us is a natural tendency. Human beings are social creatures and rely on feedback from the outside world of people, places, and things to let us know more about ourselves. We also have an inner voice, dialogue, conscience, etc. that helps us to determine the path for us. Often, when someone is worried about the external feedback, and focuses on this as the sole source of information, it can create a dependency that can become problematic. Balance is key to so many things in life. Your own voice is powerful and has strength to provide you the enjoyment you seek. Don't discount it and rely only on the voices of others.

How can I stop repetitive thoughts and feel confident again?

I have been repeating the same thought pattern for seven years and have completely lost control of any situation. I am in my early 30s, and I feel like I am trapped in my body, mind, soul, and house because I feel embarrassed to go anywhere or talk to anyone.

There's SO much help for repetitive thoughts in the counseling world!  The one thing I'd for sure ask if we met in person is what those repetitive thought patterns look like.  Some repetitive thoughts are more like obsessive thoughts.  For example, that may mean that every time you leave a room, your obsessive thought is to switch the light on and off 5 times.  Or every time you touch a door handle, you think about the germs you came into contact with and washing your hands multiple times.  Sometimes it's more about the same thoughts repeating about bad things that may happen, or critical thoughts we have about ourselves.  Your statement about "feeling confident again" gives me the sense that maybe you struggle with the ways in which you think about yourself.Assuming it's obsessive thoughts: exposure and response prevention therapy is an excellent form of treatment.  Typically, obsessive thoughts influence compulsions, which usually show up as very strict, repetitive rituals in order to manage anxiety.  Exposure and response prevention exposes you to the things that increase anxiety, while response prevention helps you to sit through that anxiety response without performing a compulsion.  For example, you touch a door handle.  Your anxiety increases.  You obsess about the germs you came into contact with and have a strong urge to wash your hands multiple times.  Instead, you sit through the anxiety, let the anxiety decrease on its own, and slowly unpair that anxious response with the behavior.  The more you do this, the more it breaks up those thinking/behavior patterns that make you feel chained to them.Assuming it's self-critical thoughts: cognitive-behavioral therapy can work well here.  Everyone's brain has a default track, that when met with struggle, plays over and over like a broken record.  The more you give into that, the more it plays.  The trick here is creating a competing track, or turning the volume up on a track that boosts your confidence instead of shooting it down.  Some ways to do that are really identifying and writing down what those repetitive thoughts are.  You probably already know them pretty well if they repeat often.  Then next to them--write out a line that has an heir of confidence and/or gentleness.  For example, if your repetitive thought is that you are a failure, you may write out a sentence that is something like:  I may be struggling greatly with this situation, yet I am still trying super hard to get better and that's definitely not a failure.  Every separate repetitive thought can have its own competing sentence.  Initially, these new thoughts will feel weird, foreign, and maybe even like they don't do anything.  Give it time.  The repetitive thoughts have had years to grow, so these new thoughts need time, too.  They are, literally, new pathways in the brain and the more they are traveled, the stronger they will get.I'm also sensing that there's a combination of anxiety and depression.  I would assume that you are probably feeling pretty cut off from the world if you don't want to talk to anyone.  That can be so lonely and isolating.  Because connection is basically crucial for healing, it may be very beneficial for you to see a counselor or find a support that feels safe to you.  Counselors are usually trained very well in these types of issues and some offer telehealth if you are having trouble leaving your home.  It might feel scary and strange at first, but you are in a lot of pain and deserve healing.Hope this helps a bit.  Go with your gut and do what you feel is right for you!  I wish you all the best.

What should I do about my stress before track meets?

I am on the track and softball team. My school is small, so I play all four sports it offers. I feel obligated to do track because I'm not a horrible runner, and my dad wants me to. The catch is is that the days before a track meet and the morning of, I get sick and cry.

Seems like you have some confidence in your track abilities, but feel pressured by your dad to continue something you don't really enjoy.  Are you maybe worried about disappointing your dad, or is it something about track itself that upsets you or overwhelms your body?When we try to push through stuff that's too much for our bodies (whether that's physical or emotional), that stress will show up no matter how hard we try to bury it.   Sometimes that shows up as crying or irritation, other times that shows up as physical symptoms.   For you, it could be both.  Based on the symptoms showing up days before a meet, it could be more emotional since it comes so long beforehand.  I'm assuming you are very active already, so extra exercise probably isn't too helpful and may only put more stress on your body.  Do you feel like you ever get a chance to truly relax?  Always running on overdrive with little gas is exhausting.  Try giving yourself permission during the period before the track meets to just do something that slows you down.  Doesn't have to be super long--even 10-15 minutes a day could give your brain and body a very needed break from that go-go-go lifestyle.Pay attention to your sleep as well.  I don't know anything about your nightly routine, but if you are struggling to sleep that could enhance the symptoms of anxiety before your meets.  Some calm activities before bed could help here.Of course, you could try talking with your dad about whats happening if you think he'd be able to support your needs.  That's not always possible, and if not, no worries.  There's a lot you can do to get through what's happening.  If you have another caregiver in the picture that feels approachable, you could talk to him/her about how you are feeling.  Also, take a look at strategies for performance anxiety online.  Even if you don't have that particular type of anxiety, the strategies are really great and can at least help a little if you are still engaging in track.

What should I do about my stress before track meets?

I am on the track and softball team. My school is small, so I play all four sports it offers. I feel obligated to do track because I'm not a horrible runner, and my dad wants me to. The catch is is that the days before a track meet and the morning of, I get sick and cry.

Does anyone notice that you get sick and cry on track meet days?Have you told anyone?From what you write, as much as you would like to please your school and dad, something within you doesn't quite want to fully follow through.Step one in life always is to know what you want and what your limits are.   It already is difficult to avoid listening to your body.Try understanding what is difficult in telling your father that you'd like doing as he wishes, only are not able to do so because you are emotionally and physically distraught on the days you have track.After finishing the season for this year with your school's track team, then expect to concentrate on taking care of your own need to not do track.Hopefully your father will understand and care about your problem.   If he does not and track is more important than your well being, then you have a different problem entirely.

What should I do about my stress before track meets?

I am on the track and softball team. My school is small, so I play all four sports it offers. I feel obligated to do track because I'm not a horrible runner, and my dad wants me to. The catch is is that the days before a track meet and the morning of, I get sick and cry.

It sounds like you are no longer committed to track emotionally.  It can be hard to talk to your dad about this, but he may think you love track and may not know you are getting so upset the days of meets.  An idea would be to first write a letter to your dad to see what feelings come out and then preparing to speak with him.  I think he will appreciate your honesty and maybe this conversation will bring you relief and also time to find something you really will enjoy.

Can anxiety make me say foul language?

I'm scared that my anxiety will make me say foul language. I don't want to say those words though. I'm only a teen and all my friends curse, but I don't want to. I don't know what to do.

It's definitely possible that your response to anxiety is to swear, though you don't have to feel controlled by that reaction.  As a teen, you're developing your identity based on what feels right to you and what doesn't.  It's OK to be different than your friends, and just being around swearing doesn't mean you will for sure pick up that habit.  What is it that connects your anxiety to swearing?  If it feels like your automatic response might be to curse, you could try picking some words that don't go against your values to use as a default when you are upset.  You could also work directly with calming your anxiety, maybe in ways that make you feel in control.  Breathing exercises as well as thought replacement (replacing an unhelpful thought with a helpful one) are good for that.  Whatever you try, I wish you the best of luck!

Can anxiety make me think I heard something about me?

When I'm around people, I sometimes think someone has made a comment to me or asked me to do something. I will be focusing on something else and then randomly think I hear something about me. I never know if it was actually said.

Sure can!  Especially social anxiety or anxiety in the form of paranoia.  Are there any patterns to when or where this happens most?  Does it ever happen with people you feel safe and comfortable with?  Or only when you are in an uncomfortable social setting?  If you notice any patterns, you can focus in on the anxiety surrounding them and build coping skills to help you get through those moments (if that's what would feel helpful).You could also seek help and talk to someone about what's happening to get a better assessment of your situation and more personalized techniques.  There's many counselors out there that are great at working with anxiety!

Can anxiety make me think I heard something about me?

When I'm around people, I sometimes think someone has made a comment to me or asked me to do something. I will be focusing on something else and then randomly think I hear something about me. I never know if it was actually said.

Anxiety can absolutely make you think you heard something about you. When we are on high alert, we tend to look for threats and often the greatest threats we experience on a daily basis are social in nature.  To some extent this is normal, for example, when people experience late onset deafness, they often will worry people are talking about them (and usually not good things) because our brains tend to jump to that. Of course, I'm not saying you are going deaf or anything, just giving an example. Counseling can help you work through this anxiety. It may also be helpful to reach out to a counselor to rule out if there may be other things going on. Sometimes things like paranoia can blend in with anxiety, which is a very distressing experience. But both are absolutely treatable. Wishing you the best!

Can anxiety make me think I heard something about me?

When I'm around people, I sometimes think someone has made a comment to me or asked me to do something. I will be focusing on something else and then randomly think I hear something about me. I never know if it was actually said.

It sounds like you are having difficulty knowing if people are saying things to you, or if you only thought someone was talking to you, and this is anxiety producing. It's understandable that it could be confusing and/or a bit scary to be unsure if people are speaking to you or not. It's hard to say exactly what is going on from just this description, but if you can work with a competent therapist, you may be able to get more insight into what is happening, get clarity about your social interactions, and develop some ways to deal with the anxiety.

Why do I always feel anxious?

It's especially bad at night time. I am scared of sleeping alone.

Night is hard for a lot of people, so you are definitely not alone here.  Has anything scary ever happened to you at night?  Answering that question may give you the "why" of where that's coming from.  If you haven't had a bad experience at night, it may just be the time when you have nothing to do, which allows more intense thoughts and feelings to surface.  Here's a couple things to try:One thing you could do is sit down a couple hours before you go to bed and journal (if you can).  Try to reduce any distractions and just go for it.  The purpose of this is to slow down well before you go to bed, expressing some of the anxiety from the day.  Also take note of the things you can tackle that day vs what can wait until later.  This gives your brain a chance to sort through some of the "planning" type of anxiety that commonly comes up when you are trying to sleep.Another thing you can do is make a list of the things you have control over.  Anxiety is really good at putting everything you feel out of control of on a giant metaphorical projection screen.  Try projecting some of the things you have control over instead.  For example--you have total control over breathing patterns, what you choose to wear the next day, what you pay attention to if you go for a walk, etc.  You also have control over how you personalize that list to what matters to you.  Mindfulness is a great way to focus on how you control your breath, and also how letting go of breathing doesn't stop your body from doing what it's always doing to keep you alive.  Any google search will bring up lots of information on this!Something to remember is that experiencing anxiety is OK.  It doesn't mean something is necessarily wrong.  Anxiety is sometimes just a feeling that comes up without much of a cause.  If you can't identify that cause, it's probably because of a little misinterpretation in the brain.  Mindfulness can definitely help with that.

Why do I always feel anxious?

It's especially bad at night time. I am scared of sleeping alone.

Being able to know you feel anxiety and write about it, is the first step to addressing and handling it!Generally, anxiety is deep fear of not being able to handle what comes up in life.  Somehow the person was insufficiently nurtured and so felt  insecure when very young.Usually the person had to fend on at least a psychological and emotional level for themselves before reaching an age when doing so would have been reasonable.Their inner feeling of overwhelmed from when very young, hasn't faced the reality that the grown person is now capable, even if this takes some practice. Try asking yourself what you are afraid of and theorize how you would handle these situations as a grown person.Also, sometimes anxiety comes from feeling lonely.  This loneliness is reminiscent of the loneliness that the grown person now, felt when being left to take care of situations as a child which were too difficult and complex for any child to address.

Why do I see and hear things that are not real?

I’m a teenager. I am almost always paranoid. Recently, I started to think they watch. I keep seeing in the corner of my eye someone moving. The other night, I heard breathing in my room, and my eyes focused on a black shape. I turned on the lights, but no one was there.

I've worked with teens in a day treatment program for about 6 years now and it's been a theme that a lot of them see dark figures out of the corner of their eyes.  Pretty common with teens that have endured trauma--physical or sexual abuse, witnessing domestic violence, etc.  We don't have a lot of information on why this happens, but it's theorized that the brain projects the emotions outside of us in the form of dark figures--maybe just as a reflection of what is existing on the inside of the brain or even to give some emotional relief.  When we have kids that have experienced those types of hallucinations, they almost always disappear once they have worked through their trauma.  Sometimes visual and auditory hallucinations are symptoms of mental health disorders as well, though that's pretty rare for those to start as early as the teens years.  It's best to have your symptoms checked out by a medical professional and maybe even a psychiatrist to get a better idea of what may be happening.   Are you or have you been taking any medications that could potentially have these side effects?  If you do visit one or both professionals, make sure you or a caregiver is giving them all the details about your symptoms so they can help you as much as possible.A big question here is what is your sleep like?  Lack of sleep is notorious for causing hallucinations and can become severe after only a few nights of sleep deprivation.  If you are having trouble sleeping, that may be another topic to discuss with your doctor.No matter what it is, it's obviously scary otherwise you wouldn't feel paranoid.  Try some techniques to calm yourself a few times during the day, like deep breathing or movement-based strategies like yoga.  Whatever speaks to you.  And remember that while you are figuring this issue out, the hallucinations can't hurt you even if they get stronger.Glad you are reaching out to get some help!

Why do I see and hear things that are not real?

I’m a teenager. I am almost always paranoid. Recently, I started to think they watch. I keep seeing in the corner of my eye someone moving. The other night, I heard breathing in my room, and my eyes focused on a black shape. I turned on the lights, but no one was there.

Sounds like anxiety and a strong imagination are getting the better of you.Do you sometimes have less confidence in yourself than you'd like to have?  Or doubt and question yourself in matters which in hindsight were easier to solve than you realized at first?These are two examples of anxiety blurring your vision of a situation.  Possibly imagining sights and sounds is also blurring an accurate assessment of what actually takes place in your room at night.Addressing anxiety is best done indirectly, not directly.Concentrate on knowing more of your reasons to question yourself so deeply in the first place.  Being a teenager certainly adds to overall anxiety.  And you may have good reason from your growing up personal history to have more than an average amount of self-doubt.If you felt humiliated, mocked, ignored, blamed, any type of interaction with meaningful people in your life while you were younger, then this probably set the groundwork to not have faith in yourself.Awareness of where you feel vulnerable is the first step to deliberately changing this into a strength!

I keep on changing my life when things get tough

I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job.

Is there a certain problem you feel about living the way you describe?As long as you feel satisfied with how your life is unfolding then you’re making wise decisions.If you feel tension or that somehow doing as you describe is wrong, then the first step is to identify the way you feel your methodology described above has a role in working against your best interest.Basically, define what is problematic in order to address it.

I keep on changing my life when things get tough

I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job.

There's a quote I love that says, "Wherever you go, there you are" and the book by the same name by Jon Kabat-Zinn may be very helpful for you. The thing about changing things up when they get tough is that they often aren't the things that need changing. The awesome (and challenging) thing about it is that when you work on the internal aspects that may need attention, you can learn to find a sense of centeredness that comes with practicing mindfulness and asking yourself who you really are and want to be. Through this deeper work, you can actually be in the midst of chaos and still feel that calm and peace within yourself. If you look for support in this journey from a counselor or therapist, I'd recommend looking for someone offering Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) or Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (MCBT). Also helpful may be the online program of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MSBR) found here. There are in-person programs across the country, but this online self-guided version is free and a great resource!

I keep on changing my life when things get tough

I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job.

It's great that you are at least aware of what pushes you to seek change in your life.If you were in session with me, one of the first things I'd explore is what "tough" means for you.  Is it relationship issues with other people?  Or tasks related to your job?  Or is it something else?  It's important to know what you may be trying to escape in order to work with it.  For example, if you tend to make changes when you are faced with a commitment, then there would be something about commitment that scared you and the work would be focused there.  One thing to think about is that most people tend to run from things that they believe they can't handle or get through.  Could this be happening in your situation?  If it is, there could be some underlying fears present that you are incompetent or you will fail.  What's interesting about that is that some people avoid change for the very same reasons.  It's actually quite amazing that you handle so much change in your life and have for a very long time.  That shows you can handle a lot!  The last thought I have is that the more you push through the tough stuff, the more you will have confidence in your ability to do that.  You don't have to feel confident to start the process--in fact, many people feel very vulnerable and terrified sticking with decisions that are out of their comfort zone.  Having social support, even if it's just one person, is so important when you're facing your fears.  That could mean counseling, or a partner, friend, family member, etc.  Doing it alone is another level of tough.You may be at the point in your life where you are just seeking some answers and aren't feeling ready to address what's happening and that's OK.  No one wants to go blindly into this kind of work.  There's no rush to figure it all out right now.  Give yourself some time to let things unfold!

I keep on changing my life when things get tough

I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job.

Many times when things become difficult to manage, is because we are getting out of our comfort zone, so we seek growth and change.  Coping with the difficulties does make you more resilient and helps you to build the confidence you need to solve problems in the future. Now I wonder:  are things getting tough in a way that you are not able to resolve them?  Do you need to move or change to save yourself or prevent any harm? If so, it is OK to know when to remove ourselves form situations that harm us more than helping us.   On the other hand, are the things getting tough because you need to learn a new skill?  If so, how can you learn them and is there someone who can help you overcome this challenge?  I help my clients to identify their strengths and areas where they can achieve growth, things like polishing up your resume and evaluate new job opportunities could help you discover a new you.If you would like to engage in counseling, I am licensed in Texas and Puerto Rico, you can contact me at 787-466-5478. Cada vez que las cosas se ponen difíciles, hago cambios en mi vida.He sido así desde que estaba en la escuela; antes me transfería de escuela.  Ahora pienso cambiar de trabajo.Muchas veces cuando las situaciones se tornan en difíciles de manejar, es porque nos sacan de nuestra zona de comodidad, con el propósito de buscar el cambio y el crecimiento.  Manejar las dificultades si te vuelve más resistente, y desarrolla tu autoestima para que puedas resolver problemas en el futuro.    Ahora, te pregunto: ¿se están poniendo las cosas difíciles al punto que no puedes manejarlas?  ¿Necesitas removerte de la situación para evitar que te hagan daño? Si es así, entonces está bien reconocer cuando nos debemos remover de una situación dañina que nos daña más de lo que nos permite crecer. O por el otro lado, ¿Se están poniendo las cosas difíciles porque necesitas a prender una nueva destreza?   Si es así, ¿cómo puedes aprender esa destreza y quien te puede ayudar?Ayudo a mis clientes a identificar sus fortalezas y áreas de crecimiento, el actualizar y pulir tu resume junto con explorar opciones de empleo, te puede llevar a descubrir nuevos talentos en ti.Si te gustaría hacer una cita, soy Consejera Profesional Licenciada en Texas y en Puerto Rico, llama al 787-466-5478.

I keep on changing my life when things get tough

I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job.

Sometimes changes make sense. It may be helpful to talk to someone who you trust to get a sense of whether the changes that you are making are those that are considered adaptable or important changes that allow us all to grow. Another possibility is that you are changing things in an effort to get away from something that is uncomfortable or difficult. There are many other possibilities along this continuum.I would ask you to consider the following:What is leading you to want to change your job?What feelings are associated with this change? (Happy, sad, scared, anxious/nervous, confused, motivated, etc.)How is the job that you are looking to transfer to going to be better or different? Are the concerns that you have now going to travel with you?If you are hesitating to get another perspective (from trusted friends or family or some sort of career advisor in your area), where is the hesitation coming from?

I keep on changing my life when things get tough

I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job.

I recommend that you make a list of all the reasons you should change your life and all of the reasons you shouldn't change your life. Can the problem you are in be fixed? Is there others you can lean on for support? Are there other people you know who have been through a similar experience and are willing to share their story with you? It is important to rely on your support network to help you get multiple points of view. If you believe you need additional help, I suggest seeing a professional.

How can I wake up without having an anxiety attack?

I have these dreams of men, and they always seem to try to hurt me. It's gotten so bad that I first wake at 4:30, then 4:45, and finally stay awake by 6:00. I'm always the last one to fall asleep and the first to wake. I hate falling asleep. The longest I've went without sleep is three days.

No wonder you are scared to sleep if this is what you are going through.My first thought is that it's possible your dreams are your brain's way of trying to process something that scares you or has scared you.  There's not a lot of research on the purpose of dreams, but one theory is that stuff you don't want to deal with consciously is able to come through via your unconscious brain as a dream (or nightmare).  Another theory is more of Gestalt nature, where all your dream figures represent a part of you--for example, the part of you being attacked would be the side of you that feels weak, whereas the attacker is the side of you that you feel is bad or evil.  Either way, your reactions are definitely legit because nightmares tend to flood the brain in a pretty emotionally raw form.I am also curious if you had trouble sleeping before you started having these dreams. Is it because of these nightmares that sleep is an issue, or have the sleep issues been a part of your life longer than the dreams?  It may not mean a whole lot no matter what order they came in, but it would be interesting to know if the catalyst was actually the dreams to begin with.  The big question here is if not having these nightmares would improve your sleep and lessen your anxiety about sleeping, overall.As for the anxiety attacks, there's a lot here you can try.  Your brain is seeing sleep, nightmares, or both as a threat.  The way to signal safety to your brain is to practice some relaxation techniques--mindful breathing can be helpful or if you find it hard to sit still, you can do some walking mindfulness.  Maybe you've heard of the Calm app--it's so great for sleep issues.  They have sleep stories and soundscapes, as well as guided breathing exercises.  This is speaking more to the thinking process, but remind yourself that the dreams aren't real and they can't hurt you.  That doesn't mean you won't have anxiety and you have to fully believe it, it just means that you don't have to get caught up in the fear response.  You also mention that they "try" to hurt you.  Have you ever done things to fight them off? Or do you run?  It's OK if your response is to freeze--I'm just curious how you view yourself in that dream.  If you are feeling powerless (which would be normal) it may be worth your time to imagine how you want to fight them off.  What weapons would you choose?  What would escape look like?  Imagining you in charge may help change your experience of the dreams.Also remember that even though panic attacks feel awful, they won't hurt you.  It's a really terrifying feeling to be trapped in your body during an attack, but the response is meant to get us out of danger even though there is no real threat.  If you do a google search for panic attack help sites, there's so many that detail more of this response and how to move through an attack.  Of course, seeing a counselor might be beneficial if you are sensing that there's something bigger underlying the dreams.  Sometimes just having someone listen and understand can ease some suffering.I hope that helps and you find something that works for you!

How can I wake up without having an anxiety attack?

I have these dreams of men, and they always seem to try to hurt me. It's gotten so bad that I first wake at 4:30, then 4:45, and finally stay awake by 6:00. I'm always the last one to fall asleep and the first to wake. I hate falling asleep. The longest I've went without sleep is three days.

That is awful! I am sure you are ready to start getting some rest. It's normal for us to wake a few times in the night, however, when we are dealing with high anxiety or stress, those times can turn into being up most night. Given that you are having these repeated dreams, I am wondering what might be going on in your life either now  or in the past that could be triggering stress or maybe memories. It can help to draw the dream out in the morning or even to look for metaphor. In the long run, seeking counseling can help you sort all that outIn the meantime, self-soothing strategies may help you in the night when you wake and can't get back to sleep. This can be anything with your senses----getting a snack like tea and focusing on that taste, smelling something pleasant, listening to some relaxing music, looking through a magazine, taking a shower. Anything you can think of that might help you relax. If it involves needing to get up, that's okay! Getting out of bed can actually help you get out of that mind space and helps you associate your bed with relaxation/sleep vs anxiety making it more likely you will fall asleep once  you lay down.

How can I wake up without having an anxiety attack?

I have these dreams of men, and they always seem to try to hurt me. It's gotten so bad that I first wake at 4:30, then 4:45, and finally stay awake by 6:00. I'm always the last one to fall asleep and the first to wake. I hate falling asleep. The longest I've went without sleep is three days.

The good news about your dreams is that your fears are right at the surface of your mind so you can study them and release some of the harm from the terrifying experiences you had which created these bad memories in the first place.The bad news is the feelings themselves are sickening.Probably a therapist would be very helpful for guiding you to unfold these uneasy feelings and their source.This type of deep work is easier with emotional support from someone.  A therapist can give you this plus is knowledgeable about dynamics of someone having been emotionally harmed by another.Or, read a lot online and find out which articles resonate with your emotions.Luckily people are willing to express personal stories of recuperating a sense of peace and safety after being violated by someone.

How can I deal with this anxiety that keeps me up all night?

I've been having horrible anxiety for the last week. I can't sleep. I get a sense of doom, and it's hard to breathe. I feel like nothing I do makes it better.

That really sucks to go through.  There are tons of ways to work with anxiety, both directly and indirectly that can help with what you are dealing with.Do you think you may be experiencing a panic attack?  Sounds like you are feeling some dread about what will happen to you and physical symptoms common with attacks.  Panic attacks are the body's way of trying to alert you to danger, whether that is real or perceived.  It's not something your body does against you, but instead to keep you safe by keeping you in a state where you could react quickly (run, fight, etc.).  This can happen even if there aren't any real threats and you logically know you are safe.  Even if you aren't having panic attacks, that heightened anxiety can still feel really awful and exhausting.What have you done so far that is not working?  When the brain is in that "danger" mode, talking it down tends to be unsuccessful--this is very evident in bounds of research we have on how the brain functions.  The part of the brain that senses threats and triggers anxiety responses reacts more effectively to body signals to relax---such as controlled breathing.  Mindfulness breathing techniques have a lot of value for this reason and there are many options available (apps like Calm and Headspace, youtube guided videos, etc).  Try to keep in mind that having anxiety doesn't mean that you are actually in any danger, and mindfulness is not meant to be an escape.  It does help to regulate and make you feel more in control of your body.  Your anxiety will always come back down--you can even track it to see the real-time changes that happen.  It's normal for it to rise and fall a few times during a panic attack, so if you notice a rise, it has no meaning other than that you're body is normally going through it's anxiety response.I think seeing a doctor is a great idea to rule out any other issues happening within the body.  Some medical issues can materialize as anxiety and depression.  Depending on your symptoms, they may even suggest a medication developed for these issues.Anxiety is one of the top researched symptoms, so we do have tons of research available on what works and what's less effective.  We know that talking alone doesn't reduce the body's fear response, unless talking is the method of exposure (talking about a traumatic experience, talking within a group if you have social anxiety, etc.).  For the brain to learn you are safe, it takes experience via exposure while riding the wave of anxiety.  For example, if you fear vomiting, you would expose yourself to things that remind you of vomiting and breathe through the anxiety you feel without avoiding the triggers.  That would teach your brain that those triggers are actually benign, and would no longer  create that panicky response. It'd be difficult to say what that may look like for you, or even if you need that, but it could be worth connecting with a counselor (even online) to discuss these options.  The brain is always flexible to some degree to change, so hang in there while you figure it all out!

How can I deal with this anxiety that keeps me up all night?

I've been having horrible anxiety for the last week. I can't sleep. I get a sense of doom, and it's hard to breathe. I feel like nothing I do makes it better.

Anxiety is usually a sign of a current problem to which familiar emotional patterns of feeling similarly upset, attach themselves.Try to understand more about who you are, what you like, feel uneasy about, especially your deeper emotions of being emotionally harmed or injured by meaningful people.Anxiety is best addressed indirectly by understanding and kindly accepting previous hurt and fears from long ago.Once you feel at ease with dynamics of past situations then the current anxiety will decrease.  This is because you will have adjusted and found new ways of handling otherwise frightening and overwhelming interactions and involvements with others.

How can I be less afraid of people?

I am a female and in my early teens. I don't want to feel afraid of people. When I meet someone, I know that they are okay, but I still feel afraid.

First off, this is totally expected for someone your age!  You are just moving into the phase of life where your "job" is to figure out your identity and who you are.  It's no surprise you are afraid of people, if that's the way you feel you are struggling.If you are worried about people harming you, that paints a different picture.  Do you struggle to trust your evaluations of others?  What makes someone safe (ish) vs. potentially dangerous?  Sitting down and coming up with some ways you have done this in the past or qualities of the people you trust now can help to disentangle what means safety and what means danger. We can never truly know how someone will behave, but if we always choose to never trust, then we miss out on connection as well.  Your brain is still growing so the great news is it's so flexible to change.  It remains flexible for the entire lifespan, but the teen years are really the last time it's so moldable.  If there's someone in your life you can trust, reaching out for help can make how you are feeling less intense.  It's never fun to deal with everything by yourself.  Hope this helps!

How can I be less afraid of people?

I am a female and in my early teens. I don't want to feel afraid of people. When I meet someone, I know that they are okay, but I still feel afraid.

Maybe the problem is learning to trust yourself to not be afraid other people!Reflect on what you believe would increase your trust of believing your own judgement on whom to trust.If you've had any type of violation during your growing up years or witnessed someone in your family be violated, emotionally, physically or through some terrible accident or incident, then you may hesitate to believe other people are safe and not to be feared.Give yourself plenty of time and reassurance that as long as you are making sincere effort to increase you comfort around other people, eventually you will succeed.

How can I learn to not shut down and say what's wrong with me?

When I get talked to by my dad or stepmom, or if I'm in trouble, I will begin to cry and not say what's wrong with me. When my dad or stepmom ask what is wrong, I never know the answers or the words to put together what is actually wrong with me.

I really admire that you want to express yourself to your parents!  It's very normal to have fear about how to talk to a parent, let alone two at the same time.  Most adults don't do what you want to do.Could you come up with what you want to say to them before you are feeling upset?  What do you really need them to know?  Also, do you want your dad and stepmom to meet certain emotional needs for you?  Maybe they would benefit from knowing that you have a hard time expressing yourself when you are upset and can help to come up with ways to help you through that.   Perhaps you need some space from them when you are crying, or maybe you need to talk to one parent alone vs both at the same time. You don't have to wait to be upset to have these conversations either--if you feel you can approach them when things are "calm" (whatever that means for your household), it may be easier to communicate.It's important to know they may not respond the way you want.  It's up to you to decide if you feel safe or not to express yourself, but it seems like you want to if you are seeking an answer for this dilemma!

How can I learn to not shut down and say what's wrong with me?

When I get talked to by my dad or stepmom, or if I'm in trouble, I will begin to cry and not say what's wrong with me. When my dad or stepmom ask what is wrong, I never know the answers or the words to put together what is actually wrong with me.

Maybe you need more time to reflect and organize your thoughts.Try to figure out what would make you feel more relaxed about talking to your dad or stepmom.Also its possible you simply don't feel safe around either of them and so intuitively realize you're better off not talking with them about a delicate matter.Depending on whether you trust talking to dad and stepmom, you may simply wish to excuse yourself from speaking about yourself.There's no good reason to be heartfelt with people whom you don't feel are willing to accept or understand who you are.

How can I get over my fear of public embarrassment?

A lot of times, I avoid situations where I am to meet new people because I have a fear of embarrassing myself. I often avoid large groups of people, like parties, because I think they all constantly judge me.

Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want you to know that you are certainly not alone on this issue. Everyone, at some point in time, has a fear of public embarrassment. But for many people, this fear can become so awful that it begins to have a real negative impact on their quality of life.  They will try to avoid any situation that they even THINK will cause them embarrassment or anxiety. Escaping a possible embarrassing moment by avoiding or isolating may cause some relief at first, but then many times the avoidance will eventually lead to loneliness, isolation, and even despair. By avoiding, we can also miss out on things that make us feel alive and bring enjoyment. There are many self-help books that offer advice on this issue. You can do an internet search, and I recommend reading the reviews of the book. That is  great way to find out if others have found the book helpful. Another option is to seek a counselor to help you with this fear. I would recommend a counselor who specializes in helping people who have anxiety or social anxiety. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is  a good choice for helping with anxiety, but there are many others. The truth is that anxiety and fear of embarrassing ourselves is not something that any of us will ever "get over", but we can learn to respond to those feelings differently. A colleague may offer some other advice, as well.. Be wellRobin Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

How can I get over my fear of public embarrassment?

A lot of times, I avoid situations where I am to meet new people because I have a fear of embarrassing myself. I often avoid large groups of people, like parties, because I think they all constantly judge me.

When I talk with clients about social anxiety sometimes I'll ask them what they would do if their anxiety was manageable.  Would you want to be more social?  Would that improve you quality of relationships in your life?  These answers can clarify what you want your life to look like and how much socialization you are truly interested in.It's normal to have thoughts and fears about what others are thinking of us, otherwise we'd be pretty shameless in our behavior!  Even though we feel as though we are in the spotlight, the truth is that most people are not focused on us.  There's hundreds of thousands of stimuli the brain processes (especially at a party!) and you are a very small percentage of that.  Think about it this way--if you are at a party with a bunch of other people, why would you be in "center stage" vs anyone else at that party?  When people are worried about embarrassment or judgment, they typically act in ways to be less visible in public.  Chances are, people notice you less than they notice others simply because of avoidance behaviors.I don't think it's needed to attend every social event because who has the energy for that?!  But pushing yourself to engage can teach your brain that you can push yourself through these events.  The more you avoid, the more your brain will because the situation is something to fear.  If you can, stick with someone you trust or connect to.  That could help you to enjoy the experience more and frame it somewhat positively.If you really struggle on your own, you could visit a counselor and work on some strategies that fit for you.

How can I get over my fear of public embarrassment?

A lot of times, I avoid situations where I am to meet new people because I have a fear of embarrassing myself. I often avoid large groups of people, like parties, because I think they all constantly judge me.

Why not accept and tolerate that you naturally are a shy person who doesn't like large groups?This is not necessarily something to get over if it is part of who you are.People have the capacity to judge others regardless of whether the group is large or small.If you aren't afraid of being judged in small groups then study the factors which allow you to feel safe in small groups. Possibly you can generalize your findings to large group venues.If you try the and aren't successful, then likely you simply aren't naturally someone who cares for large group settings.Not everything a person doesn't like is a symptom of something is wrong w the person!

How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax?

I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else.

It seems like what you are looking for is a way to advocate for yourself and that's so important in mental health! You know best what is working for you and what isn't, so you are the best person to speak out for yourself to the people that can help you. I have extensive training in substance abuse and medications used in therapy, and I work with many people that take Xanax.  Counselors may not prescribe, but with the right training we can educate and help you move through the complexities of medication usage when paired with therapy. There's definitely some debate about using medication in the counseling world, but many people are prescribed Xanax to cope with big emotional responses.  We don't know much about your situation here--if you are in counseling, what types of other coping skills you've tried to use, etc., so it'd be hard to suggest not taking anything for your symptoms.  You are obviously struggling and sometimes stabilization is the best you can do.  And the fact that you are considering dealing with the attacks as an option is a sign you are willing to negotiate your dosage and maybe even the intense fear you are experiencing.  That's seriously so courageous.A little bit about Xanax--Xanax is a drug in the Benzodiazepine family and is fast-acting.  That means it does only help short-term, but your body also builds a tolerance to it pretty quickly (just as people build tolerance to alcohol).  That could be why they aren't as effective for you at the dosage you are taking, especially if you are prescribed to take them twice a day.  It's really important that you discuss the symptoms you are still having with your prescribing provider, as well as when you are taking the medications so they understand the details of your situation and can determine if or how to modify your dosage.  These providers know a lot about the medication process and the more info they have, the better they can meet your needs.  They are ultimately the ones that will work with you to decide whether or not Xanax is the best for you and your situation.I definitely understand your concern that your provider may basically take away how you cope with panic attacks.  That's a scary thought!  Prescribing providers are typically trained in detecting medication abuse, and it is very common for people with anxiety issues to request higher dosages.  I have had plenty of clients ask for increased dosage.  Not only can this get you the assistance you need at the time you need it, but give you a voice in your treatment.  You may end up using that same voice for request to lower your dosage in the future.I do feel an ethical duty to let you know about some of the dangers of Xanax.  Benzodiazepines are depressants and work on the central nervous system (CNS) to do things like slow down your heart rate, breathing, etc. (as you can feel when they do work).  They should never be taken with any other depressants, such as alcohol, barbiturates, and other medications in the Benzo family.  Combinations like these could be fatal.Another danger is that there's a common pattern of relapse after discontinuing Xanax.  This means that symptoms tend to come back stronger than they were before taking the drug.  The reason for this is because when you are taking Xanax, your brain tries to intensify your fear reaction to override the drug.  So when you discontinue it, your fear reactions are still at those heightened levels.  Your prescribing provider can talk to you more about that and/or the process of tapering off the medication to make that less likely when that time comes for you.If you are in counseling and doing exposure activities, (being exposed to things you fear and sitting through the anxiety response) Xanax does interfere with this process.  The brain can't learn a different response if you feel calm.  This is something your counselor (if you have one) can discuss with you as well.The last thing I'd like to say is that there could be some value to practicing other ways to manage your anxiety if you want to make more long-term changes.  That decision is completely yours!  If/when you feel ready to do that, a counselor can help you learn how to move through anxiety without being as reliant on Xanax.  I hope this is helpful and you find what you need!

How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax?

I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else.

Do you think you're abusing xanax?It is a highly addictive drug so maybe one reason you feel compelled to take more is bc you already are addicted.Drugs don't do anything helpful in solving life's problems.   Once the effect wears off, the stressful situation is once again waiting for you to address it.Think over your reason for not directly asking your psychologist about upping your dose.Also, do you ever talk about your life problems with this psychologist or only your need for drugs?    The more gradual path to a better life is to not need drugs in the first place. This consists of your willingness to face the matters that are creating such terrible feelings inside you.

How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax?

I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else.

Staying on the lower dose may give you more room to learn strategies for coping with your anxiety.  Medications are so helpful, and needed at times, but it's also important to have a variety of tools you use to manage your responses to stress.  If you are not already seeing a therapist, consider finding one who can help you learn some effective strategies, like replacing self-defeating thoughts with ones that work better for you, or mindfulness, relaxation, or other tools to keep your anxiety in the manageable range!

How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax?

I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else.

In general, Xanax is very short-acting. You mentioned that you are afraid that your medical provider will take you off of the Xanax and put you on something else. If the Xanax is not working well for you, I wonder if something else may work better. What is your reasoning there? Also, sometimes there are medications that you can take in addition to Xanax.In addition to talking with your medical provider about changing the medication, try to track your levels of anxiety on a scale of 1 to 10 throughout the day so you can get a pattern of what is happening. Also consider writing down what is happening before you have anxiety attacks. This may help your medical provider know what medication may be helpful to you or what changes could be made.As far as how to discuss this with your medical provider, I would suggest mentioning the symptom changes you are having (anxiety attacks that are not helped with 0.5mg of Xanax) and ask what they would suggest that might help. If your medical provider suggests taking you off of the Xanax, I would recommend talking about the reasons why you would prefer to stay on the Xanax and what your concerns are about coming off of it. You could also ask whether anything could be combined with Xanax.There are also many other anxiety medications. I have seen lots of people that take more than one medication to lessen anxiety that they are having.I would also consider talking with a therapist (unless the person who is prescribing a medication is also doing therapy with you). Getting more information about your anxiety and how it is affecting you may be greatly helpful to you.

How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax?

I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else.

Hello, and thank you for your question. While counselors work closely with medical providers, and sometimes have discussions about medications with people, we rarely make recommendations about how much or what type of medication a person should be taking. This is because prescribing and advising on medication is out of our scope of practice. The only exception would be if a counselor is also a physician, nurse practitioner, physician's assistant, etc. Having said that, I certainly understand that anxiety is a real serious problem that many folks struggle with. If you are currently not in therapy to help you with these panic attacks, you should consider it. Medications can be helpful for anxiety, and medications like Xanax may help for immediate relief, but they do nothing to deal with the root of anxiety and may not help with anxiety long-term. Therapists who have experience in exposure therapies would be good people to start with. Exposure therapy has good outcomes for people with anxiety disorders and panic attacks. If you are interested in speaking with your provider about the Xanax, I think explaining it the way you did on here is just fine. The provider will then decide if they feel comfortable increasing your medication. Please remember that medical providers are not trying to give people a hard time. Medications like Xanax really are highly addictive. The more you take, the more you may feel you need. The more often you may feel you need to use it. Depending on the frequency and amount of use, some people suffer serious withdrawal symptoms when they do not take the medication. It is a good idea to talk to medical provider about all of those things so that you can partner on right course of action to manage this anxiety. I certainly hope that you get some relief.... I know anxiety is awful.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

How is it that I fear going to sleep?

I just about fall asleep then I can't help but sit up and walk around.

This is very common!  Sleep is when we are most vulnerable and it requires our bodies to let go of control and lose awareness of a lot of our environment.  Has anything bad ever happened to you at night or when you were sleeping? This could be something to consider.  Your body may be feeling a need to protect you by not letting you relax and instead keeping you awake and aware to anything around you.Could you be worrying about what is happening the following day?  It's also normal to have pressures of the next day rolling through our minds before our bodies commit to sleep.  If you pay attention to what you are thinking about before bed, that could tell you a lot about what you worry about in your life.Not everyone is into meditation or mindfulness, but these methods can help send the message to your brain that you are safe.  There are some pretty neat apps like Calm and Headspace, or mindfulness videos on youtube that have a variety of tools to fit what you may need.  It may take a while for these to really start to show results, so keep at it if you have the chance.Journaling can also be a great way to release some of the stress from the day and silence the mind a bit.  Consulting with a doctor may also be a plus if your sleep continues to be impacted.  Not having proper sleep can lead to more anxiety and reduce the body's capabilities to regulate emotion, leading to worsened sleep.  Sometimes having a buffer there can help get your sleep on a better track while you work on the anxiety.  Hope you find some of this helpful!

How is it that I fear going to sleep?

I just about fall asleep then I can't help but sit up and walk around.

Maybe you are afraid to let go of your problems for a few hours.Although you didn't write this, usually what keeps people awake or prevents them from falling asleep are worries about certain situations in their lives.If this describes you then. maybe talk with yourself to convince you that you are entitled to a good night's sleep.Really we all are and feeling rested from the day and life's tensions will better you to handle whatever the particular matters are.Also, maybe you will be more enthusiastic to go to bed if you have a comfy mattress and nice pillows!  Make your bed an inviting place because this will tempt you to enjoy relaxing enough to go to sleep!

How do I handle my extreme paranoia?

I'm just an extremely paranoid person. I constantly feel as though I am in some sort of danger, like as though I live in a horror movie with no resolution. It worsens at night. It gets to the point I'm scared in my own home more so than anything. I have no access to the help I need so I'm desperate.

That really sucks and I'm sorry that's happening to you.I'm curious what kind of paranoia you are experiencing--like someone will hurt you?  That something bad in general will happen?  Sometimes intrusive thoughts, like paranoid thoughts, are just thoughts.  They don't mean you are actually in danger or that something bad will happen, so pay attention to the meaning you apply to those thoughts.  If you've been through something traumatic such as rape, domestic violence, or any situation like that, it could provoke paranoia bigtime.  Your brain feels as if it has to be "hypervigilant", meaning it has to be extra attuned to everything around you to keep you safe.  That's exhausting.  If it's worse at night that probably means you aren't getting much sleep--also exhausting and contributes to heightened paranoia, so it becomes a pretty vicious cycle.It's not shocking that it's worse at night because night is generally a scarier time and sleeping is, physically, when we are in our most vulnerable state.  It can help to take a look at how much of that paranoia is actually helping you to protect yourself vs. how much is additional stress.  A way to figure that out is to ask the question, what behaviors are necessary to keep you safe?  So if you lock your doors, lock the windows, shut the curtains, have an escape plan (if needed--I'm not sure what your situation is), is that the most you can do?  Beyond that, are you performing other behaviors that may not be keeping you safe but exist to cope with the paranoia?  For example, if you are checking over and over to make sure the doors and windows are locked, those behaviors are more like compulsions/rituals that help you feel safe by reducing anxiety even though they use a ton of energy to perform.  Response prevention can be helpful here--this method involves avoiding your usual response so that you can sit with the anxiety rather than escaping it through the behaviors.  Let's say your anxiety rises and you feel the need to check the door lock.  You check the lock, it's for sure locked, and your anxiety is reduced.  At the same time, the behavior of checking the lock is reinforced by feeling better, so your brain decides if you want to feel better, you need to check the lock.  It becomes an exhausting habit that only temporarily makes you feel safe.  However, if you feel a bout of anxiety and sit through it without checking the lock, your anxiety will go back down and your brain learns that you don't need to perform that behavior over and over.  I'm so sad to hear you don't have access to help.  There may be some counselors right now offering reduced-rate or probono (free) sessions via telehealth due to COVID-19, so if you search around on google for your specific state, you may find someone that can help you from your home.  Counselors usually reserve space on their schedules for people that cannot afford therapy or need a lesser rate.You are always welcome to come back to this forum and ask additional questions!

How do I handle my extreme paranoia?

I'm just an extremely paranoid person. I constantly feel as though I am in some sort of danger, like as though I live in a horror movie with no resolution. It worsens at night. It gets to the point I'm scared in my own home more so than anything. I have no access to the help I need so I'm desperate.

One approach is to be more accepting of yourself as someone who has fears.It is much easier to manage a problem when you're not fighting yourself for having a problem.Once you are willing to accept this quality within yourself you may start to feel a little more relaxed about handling the fears when they arise.One answer is to examine the facts about the fears.   Ask yourself fact based questions as to how you would handle the worse case scenario of your fears.Feeling prepared, whether or not the circumstance is highly unlikely to happen, may increase your peace of mind with living the great fears within your mind.

Why am I scared to touch a girl?

I don't know if I'm normal. I'm really scared to touch a girl. I'm a young adult and a virgin. My fiancée and I want to have sex soon, and this might mess everything up because she wants a baby soon as well.

Only going off of the information in your question, it seems like you maybe have some performance anxiety and fear disappointing your fiance.  Fear can be tricky in the sense that it quite often masquerades as something that seems under our control.  For example, your fear of touching a girl may actually be a fear of being incompetently intimate or a bad fiance--It's easier to deal with those fears by avoiding touch because that gives you control and how else would you deal with those fears? I wonder if your fiance can be of any help to you.  It's scary to admit fears to people close to us but they can also offer some of the best support if that's been something you've experienced with her in the past.It sounds like you are really hard on yourself as well.  It's normal to have anxiety about your first time having sex---that's a really special milestone!  Maybe it's worth looking into performance anxiety tips?  That can help you feel more prepared without removing the spontaneity of intimacy.If it feels like nothing is working for you, you could see a counselor or sex therapist to explore more of that fear.  It's nothing to be ashamed about because it does happen to both men and women!

Why am I scared to touch a girl?

I don't know if I'm normal. I'm really scared to touch a girl. I'm a young adult and a virgin. My fiancée and I want to have sex soon, and this might mess everything up because she wants a baby soon as well.

Your question is a good one!The best way to decrease the fear would be to talk with your fiancee about it.   Eventually she'll find out, and better to talk about it when there is less pressure than to be in the midst of a situation which frightens you.Also, she may feel similar to you, who knows?Discussing a topic which relates directly to your relationship is a good way to increase emotional intimacy.  And emotional intimacy has a lot to do with feeling at ease with physical intimacy.

How can I be less stressed out?

I shake and have panic attacks.

So glad you are reaching out.  Panic attacks are very frightening.For some reason (and I promise there is one) your brain is sending off false alarms even though you are probably safe.  This is called the fight or flight response and part of the body's way of fighting off perceived threats (including those that are not genuinely dangerous).Some reasons people have panic attacks is if they are under too much emotional or physical stress, any type of exhaustion or lack of sleep, history of trauma, unprocessed emotions, etc.  You don't have to know why you are having panic attacks to work with them, but it can help to understand its origins and target them at the source.Something to know is that the presence of anxiety does not mean you are in any danger, no matter how much your body is elevated.  Anxiety is just our body's way of letting us know something is off, though it often exaggerates the response because it doesn't always operate from a place of logic.  Triggers could be as small as a word, smell, time of day, or really anything.  Triggers can also be physical sensations inside our bodies.  Though panic attacks are very scary and feel incredibly uncomfortable, they will not kill you.What message might your body be sending you via panic attacks?  Is there any area of your life you could step away from at all to give yourself some relief?  If you pay attention to when panic attacks happen, that could clue you into what is setting off that false alarm.Some apps that are really great for relaxation and use breathing techniques are Calm, Headspace, PanicShield, etc.  Try some out and see which ones really fit for your needs.  Breathing is a great tool because you always have it right there with you and it's something you can control when it feels like your body is out of control.

How can I be less stressed out?

I shake and have panic attacks.

One way to understand panic attacks is as a sign of feeling insecure or lacking confidence in a certain area or characteristic of yourself.The insecurity can sometimes feel overwhelming and this starts the sense of panic. One way to build your sense of security within yourself is to have a simple life and a slow paced life.   When there are many activities or involvements to pay attention, then it is easy to not give full attention to all of them.  This may trigger a sense of insecurity since in fact you may not have had sufficient time to study and know your own opinion about all of what your life is immersed in.A simpler life of fewer activities allows more time to know and understand your own inner feelings and reactions.To know more about yourself may help build your confidence and security in your ability to know and live what goes on in your life!

How can I be less stressed out?

I shake and have panic attacks.

One of the first things I would suggest is to see if you can keep track of what is leading you to feel anxious. If you shake all the time, consider talking with your primary care physician. Sometimes that can be a hormonal imbalance or another chemical imbalance (such as thyroid).One of the most difficult things about anxiety is that having anxiety (particularly panic attacks) can lead to anxiety about having more panic attacks. Also remember that panic attacks are typically part of your brain's protective response to what it considers to be some sort of threat. You may have heard of the fight or flight response. When you have an anxiety attack, your body is preparing you to react to something that isn't actually a threat, so it's almost as if you're fight or flight response is overactive. Here is an image that may be helpful: http://psychology.tools/fight-or-flight-response.htmlThere are many different things you can do. You can practice breathing, mindfulness, meditation, or yoga techniques. If you decide to try some breathing techniques, try breathing in for a count of five, holding for a count of five, breathing out for a count of five, and repeating five times.Also remember that it is easier to learn these techniques when you're not having a panic attack. At that point, it can be really difficult to use methods to not panic. Also remember that panic attacks typically last 5 to 10 minutes. Using techniques to slow your breathing or become focused on the room around you is probably most helpful when you first start to feel anxious.Here are some other techniques that may help to decrease anxiety: http://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-to-reduce-anxiety-right-here-right-now/As you figure out what is leading up to your anxiety, also consider asking yourself what is making that certain issue a big concern for you. Another important question could be when you have felt that way before.

When I'm around children I get this intense feeling of paranoia and fear

I'm a male in my early 20s. Lately, my paranoia about being around kids is causing me too breathe heavy and sweat a lot. I then start to act weird because I'm trying to fight my paranoia. This leads to people starring at me because they don't know that I'm suffering from panic attacks and paranoia. They just notice me acting scared around kids and they think I'm a threat because of it. I'm not a pervert or predator. I would never hurt a kid. I like kids and don't know why I'm so scared to be around them. I don't understand why I feel like this. Am I a bad person? How do I make this stop?

Your very concern about your response to being around children shows that you aren't a bad person--it actually speaks to that you care. Panic attacks are really scary and not easy to deal with.  I wonder what you mean by paranoia--does this mean you are worried about your body's response when you are around kids?  Do you worry about their behavior?  Or does paranoia for you mean that you are worried about other people's judgments of you because of panicking?  If what you are saying is that you are trying to fight off the anxious feelings you have, it could intensify your symptoms because emotions want to be acknowledged.  One way to help manage through that is via deep breathing.  You can check out some videos on youtube that you vibe with and the nice thing about practicing this is it's very easy to do in public without people noticing.I'm also curious about more of the details of what your experience is like.  Are there certain age ranges or behaviors that trigger your anxiety?  Figuring out the specifics of what sparks that response in your body will give you some basic insight into why you are feeling that way and what types of situations to prepare yourself for.  You can do this by paying attention to what happened right before you started feeling anxious.If you are looking for more personalized ways of working through your anxiety, a counselor can help personalize treatment for you.  There are a lot of telehealth counselors available right now at lower rates due to the COVID issue as well.Overall message here is there's so much you can do and your anxiety means nothing bad about you!

When I'm around children I get this intense feeling of paranoia and fear

I'm a male in my early 20s. Lately, my paranoia about being around kids is causing me too breathe heavy and sweat a lot. I then start to act weird because I'm trying to fight my paranoia. This leads to people starring at me because they don't know that I'm suffering from panic attacks and paranoia. They just notice me acting scared around kids and they think I'm a threat because of it. I'm not a pervert or predator. I would never hurt a kid. I like kids and don't know why I'm so scared to be around them. I don't understand why I feel like this. Am I a bad person? How do I make this stop?

In our practice, many people we see have unwanted thoughts of doing harm to children - physically or sexually. As you said, these are intrusive and unwanted thoughts - not genuine desires to harm them. This is a form of OCD we often call Harm or Pedophilic OCD. What you are describing here as "paranoia" sounds similar to this, and is so demoralizing because you are dealing both with the distress of these unwanted thoughts and feelings, as well as the fear and uncertainty about your own character as a good person.If this is really what is going on (further assessment by the right professional would determine this), the current gold standard approach to addressing OCD is Exposure with Response Prevention - in this case, confronting the feared situations, thoughts or images on purpose, rather than avoiding them, until they lose the fear and shame associated with them.