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How can I make the dreams and voices go away? | For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about. | Write down your nightmares and discuss them with an analyst or psychotherapist who specializes in dreams, as I do. If you are hearing voices while awake, see a doctor right away. If the voices are strictly in your dreams, do call for therapy and talk to your caring others about what's happening. |
What is a psychotic seizure? | My doctor seems to think I am in danger of having one. I neglected to ask how this was different than an episode. I have been formally diagnosed with bipolar type 1. | I do not think there is such a thing as a psychotic seizure, however, there is something called a pseduoseizure or psychogenic non-epileptic seizure. Basically, this is when a person shows signs of a full-on seizure (such as falling and convulsing) but they are not producing brain waves consistent with a seizure. Psedoseizures tend to be brought on by high stress, emotional challenges, and trauma history. You can learn more here, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK441871/ Still, the best way to now what your doctor meant would be to ask them! :) |
What is a psychotic seizure? | My doctor seems to think I am in danger of having one. I neglected to ask how this was different than an episode. I have been formally diagnosed with bipolar type 1. | The best path is to ask your doctor what s/he meant when telling you about your high risk for psychotic seizure.Your doctor knows you better than any of the therapists who write on this blog. And, because your doctor knows your health, will likely have suggestions and advice for you regarding the seizures s/he thinks you may develop. |
What is a psychotic seizure? | My doctor seems to think I am in danger of having one. I neglected to ask how this was different than an episode. I have been formally diagnosed with bipolar type 1. | I will admit that I'm not specifically familiar with this from my own experience.My best educated guess is that you could have a seizure during which you have some sort of symptoms similar to a hallucination (which is one of the psychotic symptoms) when you hear or see things that aren't really there.In looking briefly online, I was able to find some information here: http://www.epilepsy.com/information/professionals/about-epilepsy-seizures/psychiatric-and-behavioral-aspects/psychiatric-2It sounds like this would be a symptom in addition to an already existing seizure disorder, not a seizure disorder in addition to a mental health problem. If it is the other way around, I'm not sure how that would work. It is common with some types of seizures to have an altered state of reality during or shortly after the seizure, so that could also be related.I would suggest you talk to your physician about this directly so that if they are worried about this, you can learn more about what is making them concerned about it and what, if anything, you could do to lessen the likelihood of it or how to handle it if it does happen. |
What can I do about those people that are so misunderstanding and judgmental? | People always judge others so rudely. | I agree with you and this is emotionally painful to watch or be on the receiving side.Depending on who is the person doing this and your relationship to them, it is possible to kindly point out that the person may unnecessarily hurt someone's feelings.If you express your thoughts and give your guidance, then whatever the person does afterwards, you have the peace of knowing you tried to redirect this behavior. |
I think I have a fetish that might be getting out of control | I've developed a really intense and unexpected attraction to An actress after seeing her in a ballet uniform while guest starring on a television show. I try, but I can't get her out of my mind. What should I do? | Why not make good use of your unexpected attraction to study the features you consider attractive in someone.Attraction based on physicality is normal. As long as you have no negative thoughts of doing harm to the person or yourself which are connected to the attraction you feel, and so long as your attraction isn't stopping you from doing your daily life responsibilities such as work, to take care of your daily needs and any responsibilities you have for other people, then eventually it will lose its power on you. |
The Underlying Causes of Being Possessive | I am extremely possessive in my relationships and this is hurting my friendships. How can I fix my underlying issues? | Hi there. It's great you are able to realize there are other issues going on with someone who feels possessive. At the root of it is fear. Fear of losing someone, fear of being alone, fear of not being good enough. All those fears can lead to low self-esteem and feeling like you have to control other people so you don't lose them. The thing is, controlling other people only pushes them away. Vicious circle, right? What I would suggest is some cognitive therapy to change those underlying ways of thinking. You can start with this assignment. Write down all the things you think about yourself, positive and not-so-positive. Then rewrite those not-so-positive things so they are positive. For example, thinking something like, "I'm too pushy", can be rewritten as, "I'm assertive and I go after what I want." It can be hard to do since we tend to get "stuck" in our negative ways of thinking about ourselves. If you have someone you trust, you can ask for their help as well since most likely they see you differently than you see yourself.Finding a good cognitive therapist can help you further, but if that's not an option for you right now, there are lots of self-help books and websites that are out there. You've already taken the first step, so keep moving forward. |
Why can't I change? | I know I'm ruining my life with a lot of the decisions I make. I consistently tell myself I need to make some serious changes in my life, but I just can't seem to even though I really want to. Why can't I force myself to change? | Hello, and thank you for your question. Changing unwanted behavior is one of the hardest things a person can do. I agree with Sherry that being patient with yourself is important. Here are a few things I would suggest:1. Get clear on the behaviors you really want to change, and make sure they are behaviors that CAN be changed. Sometimes we will set a goal like, "I want to be more confident" but that is hard to measure and prove to yourself that you accomplished it. Saying you are going to accept a date or go on a job interview is something you can actually do, and something that you may consider to be demonstrating confidence. Whatever your change of behavior is, make sure it is something you can actually change. 2. If you are going to give up a behavior, decide what you are going to do in place of it. So, if you are going to stop showing up late for work, then you are deciding to be on time for work and demonstrating your value of being punctual. 3. If you are going to make changes, really nail down WHY you want to make them. What is it about making these changes that is important to you as a person? For example, if you have the goal of weight loss, the reason this is important to you as a person may be because you value self-care. Knowing WHY you want to make changes is both your motivation and your compass for getting there. 4. Once you know WHY you want to make these changes, I strongly suggest setting small goals. If you set too high of goals you may not accomplish them and just feel worse. So, make the goal small, realistic, and guided by the the things you want to be as a person. 5. As Sherry mentioned, finding a counselor is sometimes a good idea if you really feel stuck. Any counselor who does work with goal-setting and motivation can probably help. Be well,Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC |
Why can't I change? | I know I'm ruining my life with a lot of the decisions I make. I consistently tell myself I need to make some serious changes in my life, but I just can't seem to even though I really want to. Why can't I force myself to change? | In general the reason people aren't able to change is because the person feels a sense of fear to change.What the roots are of this fear are usually easiest to identify by talking with someone whom you trust and feel safe to talk about your inner thoughts and emotions.If you haven't got someone like this in your life, which is common, then shop around for a therapist because a therapist is someone who is professionally trained to listen in a way which helps someone know more about who they are.Be patient with yourself too. Change sometimes feels much scarier and is more complex than simple compared with whatever you would like to change. |
Why don't I feel normal? | I don't feel like myself anymore. For example, I could walk up an entire flight of stairs before realizing that my legs are moving. I feel like I’m watching my life be lived by someone else. | You may be experiencing a form of dissociation called depersonalization. People with this type of dissociation may feel disconnected from their bodies, feel that they are watching their bodies from a distance, or may not recognize their image in the mirror. Dissociation sometimes occurs after someone experiences something traumatic. I would suggest working with a therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders as dissociation does not typically resolve on its own. On my website, I have some information specific to dissociation that you may find helpful. Best of luck to you. |
I did something I can't get over | I was with my friends fishing by a pond. I found a frog and stabbed it with my friend's knife. I'm not sure why I did it. My friends saw me do it it and were shocked and got really mad at me.
Now if someone brings it up I get really upset and panicked. I don't know why I feel like this. Does this mean there is something wrong with me? | The good news is your awareness that being violent to animals feels out of character for you. I'm glad you have awareness and I'm glad you are not at ease with killing frogs.Fairly likely that you were acting out aggressively toward the frog, feelings of being on the receiving side of similar type of violence.Basically, you did unto the frog what someone has or to you, feels like, has been done to you.Use your surprising finding of how strong your anger and most likely inward pain. Reflect on your closest relationships and how these people treat you. It is possible you feel more hurt by someone who is close to you than you ever realized.Stabbing innocent frogs is wrong. It is understandable as a way to show you how much inner pain you probably have.It is also wrong that someone close to you hurt you.The direction to go is to recognize your pain and then decide how to go about changing what is possible on your side of that or those relationship(s). |
Why do I think about how easy it would be to hurt cute animals? | Sometimes, when I look at my pet cat, I think about how innocent he is and how somebody could hurt or kill him. It makes me sad because I love him, but I always think about how helpless he is. There've even been split-seconds where I felt almost tempted to kick him, followed by shame and guilt. | A lot of different things could be happening here. Do you feel angry or sad or anxious when you think about how helpless he is? If you have not actually kicked him, then I would encourage you to look at feelings other than guilt, since you did not hurt him. What else is there?It would probably be very helpful to talk with a therapist about the specifics of this so that you can see what else is happening for you. It could be that you feel safe with your cat, so strong emotions come up because you feel safe. |
Why does my granddaughter instantly switch moods? | She was diagnosed a type one diabetic two years ago and had a very tough time dealing with it. She has an attachment issue also; her mother just moved to a much nicer home, and she gets angry and demands to go back to her prior home. We do not understand what is going on, and it is driving us crazy. | There are many possible answers here. It could be that she misses friends, that she felt safe in the other house (emotionally safe and comfortable), or dozens of other things. Will she talk about it when she's not mad? You mentioned that she has an attachment issue. It could also be that she was attached to the house. It's not the same as being attached to a person, but possessions and safe places certainly mean a lot. |
Do feelings of depersonalization go away? | I've felt this way for two years. I feel so much better now then I did when it started, but it is still there in the back of my mind at all times. | Best answer that I can give to you is that some level of de-personalization is quite normal for everyone, it will come and go throughout life, kind of like being on a roller-coaster, "here it is, then it's gone not to return for quite some time", like many things, the more that you fixate on it, the more stress it will cause you, consider it part of life, accept it, and move on, now if your having many, many ,many of these episodes or have some auditory or visual hallucination or disturbances or emotional unbalancing that accompany it than that is definitely something to look at, but for the most part nothing to worry about. Hope this helps,C |
Do I have bipolar disorder? | It's been like a couple of years that I've been feeling like this. I don't want to self-diagnose, but I get so sad and cry and then I feel better. But then I get upset with people so quickly, and I hurt their feelings. It's this constant rollercoaster, and it's hard. | Hello, and thank you for your question. Bipolar disorder is generally characterized by extreme changes in mood, ranging from mania (highs) to depression (lows). There are different types; however, so here is a website that gives you a list of symptoms for mania and depression in bipolar disorder: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/bipolar-disorder-manic-depression?page=2After reviewing these symptoms, if you believe you may have bipolar disorder, then you may want to see your primary care provider or a counselor. Bipolar disorder is treatable, but for many people it requires the right medication and sometimes counseling to help people make behavior changes that are important for bipolar management. For example, some people may not get regular sleep, but proper rest is important for bipolar management. A counselor may talk to you about this and other lifestyle changes that you may need to make. The good news is that many people live happy, healthy, and productive lives with bipolar disorder. So, if it turns out that you do have bipolar disorder, it doesn't mean that things can't get better. There is currently no "cure" for bipolar disorder, but with proper medication and lifestyle management, people can do quite well.Hope this was helpful. Be well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC |
What are some physical signs of psychosis? | I just need to know if I'm really crazy or not. | Do an internet research on psychosis symptoms and see if you have several of the symptoms. If you do, seek a medical evaluation from your primary care physician. There are great medications and psychotherapy that can help you live your life to the fullest. There a many people who are diagnosed with psychosis and living a productive life. |
I've been having breakdowns for no reason at all | I start to think of an issue that doesn't even matter or something bad that happened years ago. Then, I cry, pull at my hair, plug my ears, hit myself, and throw things. In loud public places, I get on edge and start being sarcastic and moody. I have an awful fear of people leaving me (which normally ends up happening) and I feel like I'm too clingy. | There is a reason you are having breakdowns. I can't agree that they happen for "no reason at all". Finding out the reason is going to be your biggest challenge because that may require you to dig deep into your past, uncover hurtful experiences, or recognize something that would be extremely pain. However, if you don't find professional help to carefully guide you through whatever you may confront, the symptoms mentioned will continue and may even get worse. There is a light at the end of the road but you need some help to find the right road to get on so you can see it. |
Is my ex-boyfriend a pathological liar? | I have an ex-boyfriend who just lies about everything. He is super lazy. He lies to everyone that he has a good job, builds trust, and then start borrowing money—and large amounts too. It has come to the point where he has gone through several group of friends. He is leaving a trail behind full of friends in debt because he would put on a sob story, borrow money, then disappear. He refuses to work, so he sits at home playing games all day and either lies to his mom for money or lies to his friends. I used to think his lying was due to his drug habit, but now I'm hearing from other ex-friends of his that this started even before the drugs got into his life. He would borrow anywhere from $5,000 to $50,000 from everyone and it would all disappear. He's in debt with bills. He doesn't gamble, but he spends his money on random stuff.
Although he has this habit of lying compulsively and spending money, he seems to be a good person. He'll always give a homeless person all his change no matter what. My brother has epilepsy and is really antisocial—my ex-boyfriend makes an actual effort to socialize with my brother. He takes him out to the movies and plays video games with him. He drives me to school and work every day and picks me up—just basically the small things that add up to the fact that he's not totally a horrible human being. Is he just simple a pathological liar or is there something that could possibly be deep down in there? | It sounds like you have some ambivalent feelings towards your ex-boyfriend that are difficult to sort out. You notice that there are both desirable and undesirable things about him, and this is true of everyone to one degree or another. One question that I would have for you is, are you satisfied with your relationship with him as it currently stands? Are you happy with the boundaries between the two of you, or would you like them to be different? Negotiating through conflict and establishing different boundaries are definitely things you could work on with the help of a therapist. Another question I would have for you is, what would it mean for you to find out what motivates his behavior? Discovering the roots of such behavior is something that he would have to work on in his own therapy and not something that you and a therapist could discover without him. |
Why do I think about death? | I noticed lately that I've been thinking a lot about death. I don't want to die, and I'm not suicidal. I just think about what would happen if I died or if someone I loved died. I imagine how sad everyone I know would be. I know it isn't worth it, and I definitely want to live and have a future. I just think about it. When I'm driving, I sometimes imagine what would happen if I just let go of the wheel and kept going. | I'll respond to your speculation that if you let go of the steering wheel while driving, you'll end up quite seriously hurt, at the very least. It is fine to play in your mind with "what ifs". People who write horror movie scripts most likely have some terrible sounding stories and suppositions.If you trust yourself to actually not follow through with an idea that may kill you, and you recognize the difference between thinking dangerous things and doing dangerous things, then go to the next step of understanding more about your thoughts on death.Since you wonder about being missed if you die, it is possible your thoughts about death are from feeling that you are metaphysically dead to people in your life whom you wish would show more interest in you.Play around with your idea as to why you'd consider how people will feel about you if you're not in their lives.This may offer some insight as to your expectations of current relationships with others. |
How can I stop being so emotional all the time over worthless stuff? | I was never like this. Recently this year (my first year of high school), I started getting emotional for no reason. | Hello Vancouver, It's really common for people to become very upset over small things sometimes. The small thing is a "trigger", and the emotions aren't so much about that event that's happening in the present; they are more connected to old events that evoked the same feeling. You've likely had too much of that feeling in your life and you've developed a sensitivity to it. Look at the small events that are triggers for you and ask yourself what same or similar emotion they evoke. If there's anger there, look underneath that. Is it powerlessness, worthlessness, hurt, shame...? Then ask yourself when in your life you've experienced TOO much of that feeling. As a child, maybe, but not necessarily. That's the first step, and combined with empathy, compassion and self-esteem, you're starting to build what I call an emotional air conditioner. A good therapist can help you with the rest of this process and with learning ways of coping with emotions daily. I wish you the best. |
How can I get rid of my laziness? | I am lazy. I am very aware of the problem and try to talk myself out of it all the time, but I never seem to shake the habits. I try to think of what it is doing to me and my future, but no matter what, I keep creating excuses for myself to continue the procrastination. All I'm ever left with is regrets and a low grade. I am at an all-time low in my life, and I'm not even that old. I've always been a straight-A student, but now I'm getting C's and F's, and it hurts me to know that I am way better than that. It's not even like the work is hard. | Possibly laziness is not the true problem and is only what appears as the problem.Since you describe your laziness as an observable quality, I assume you've not always felt or handled yourself this way.Quite possibly and more likely, the particular conditions of your current life are not ones that are optimal for feeling good about yourself and your involvements.One suggestion is to see if there is any purpose to what you're doing in all the areas in which you see yourself acting from laziness.If you're not able to notice any good purpose, then you may be mistaking "laziness" for a significant amount of stress in your life.Stress can be opened and understood. If stress is what underlies what appears as laziness, then you define the contributors to your stress.Not feeling enough support in your life, financial uncertainty, arguments w people who are close in your life, feeling misunderstood overall or by particular people, all are possibilities.Good luck in learning more about who you are! |
How can I get rid of my laziness? | I am lazy. I am very aware of the problem and try to talk myself out of it all the time, but I never seem to shake the habits. I try to think of what it is doing to me and my future, but no matter what, I keep creating excuses for myself to continue the procrastination. All I'm ever left with is regrets and a low grade. I am at an all-time low in my life, and I'm not even that old. I've always been a straight-A student, but now I'm getting C's and F's, and it hurts me to know that I am way better than that. It's not even like the work is hard. | I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. It sounds to me like you are suffering from depression to some degree. Have you seen a therapist or talked to anyone about your problems? If not, I would advise that you do so sooner than later so that you can learn what is causing you to be unmotivated and causing difficulty with breaking the cycle that you are in. It is also a good idea to get a medical evaluation from your doctor to rule out any medical causes for your current condition. Most often, difficult situations that life throws at us, along with an inability to think positively, and break bad habits are what cause depression. Some things you can do immediately are seek help from a professional, schedule in time every day to engage in pleasurable (or once pleasurable) activities, exercise daily, and practice thinking more positively. Set a few daily goals for yourself and write them down each morning or the night before. Achieving your goals every day will give you a sense of accomplishment and can lead to feeling more optimistic and capable. Additionally, keep a journal to write down how you are feeling and what ideas you have to help feel better. Sometimes having these ideas written down make it more real and tangible. Know that depression is most often curable but takes work and a desire to change (which you clearly have). Once you start feeling better about yourself and your life, your grades should naturally begin to improve, as you will have more motivation and energy to focus on that particular area. Best of luck to you! |
I have a compulsion to fill in holes in my skin with ink | I never get infections or scars or anything, and it doesn't bother me if it gets filled up with blood or something, but I'm concerned. | Hi Houston, The fact that you're concerned says a lot. If I was your therapist I'd ask you questions about your worries and how this is causing a problem in your life. You're causing perhaps permanent changes (damage?) to your body, and it's likely you're trying to express something...pain maybe? A therapist can help you to explore what's going on for you and how to get your needs for self-expression met in a more healthy way. Good luck! |
How do I know if I have bipolar disorder? | I feel that I am struggling with undiagnosed bipolar disorder, and it is making my day-to-day life extremely difficult. | It sounds like you are experiencing a great deal of distress and you're wondering if it may meet a diagnosis of Bipolar disorder. There are a few different types of Bipolar diagnoses in the DSM (diagnositc and statistical manual) and the best way to find out if your experiences would meet that diagnosis would be to meet with a mental health professional. You can also look up the diagnosis online and see if what you are going through meets the criteria.One question that I would have for you is, what would it mean for you to find out that you meet the criteria for such a diagnosis? It sounds like whether or not you do, you are suffering and working with a therapist may help you get into a better place. |
How can I stop struggling with alcohol? | My father is an alcoholic, and I see tendencies of that in myself. I am recently married, and I feel it affecting our relationship. I'm not sure why I do it, but I want to stop. How can I find the willpower? | Congratulations on taking the first step on the road towards recovery by acknowledging the problem and asking for help! The American Society of Addiction Medicine defines addiction as "a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual's life experiences. People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and often continue despite harmful consequences." Notice that nothing in the definition speaks about willpower or motivation. That's because addiction is a disease - just like diabetes or high blood pressure. Imagine I gave a huge piece of chocolate cake to a diabetic. After he eats the cake, I say to him "Use your willpower to lower your glucose to 100." Do you think he would be successful? All addictions are behaviors. Behavior can be understood in terms of function and reinforcement. All behavior is either an attempt to get something or an attempt to get away from something. If you apply this logic to addictive behaviors, the use of mood-altering substances is an attempt to create a particular feeling or emotion, or an attempt to numb one. When a behavior is reinforced, we are more likely to engage in the same behavior again in the future. Let's assume that I'm feeling very anxious. I drink some alcohol and notice that my anxiety decreases. My brain takes note of this and the next time I'm feeling anxious I am more likely to reach for a bottle. Now, imagine this happening hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Addiction recovery is about identifying and treating the underlying reasons for the use. A qualified addiction therapist will assist you in developing a relapse prevention plan that addresses these underlying issues and helps you to identify triggers for your use. Additionally, you will learn how to avoid triggers and gain healthy coping skills to use instead of relying on alcohol. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. Recovery can be difficult and requires a willingness to change just about everything in your life. But the rewards are tremendous! |
The organization I work for has told me I cannot go to my 12 step meetings | This is my recovery, and I don't feel that it is okay for them to ask this. They told me it is policy due to the fact that I may run into a peer there. I am a peer counselor in the small community that I grew up in. I am in recovery myself. I was asked to come work for this organization after I was two years sober (I was in treatment in this organization). I work with mental health peers and run life skill groups. I don't work with substance peers. | You definitely want to make sure not to inadvertently create an inappropriate dual relationship with a client. In fact, it is not uncommon for state regulatory boards to determine that a clinician and client being in the same 12 step group is professional misconduct. You might want to consider attending a 12 step meeting that is located in a different community than the one you work in. Another option would be to look for one-on-one or small group recovery support. |
The organization I work for has told me I cannot go to my 12 step meetings | This is my recovery, and I don't feel that it is okay for them to ask this. They told me it is policy due to the fact that I may run into a peer there. I am a peer counselor in the small community that I grew up in. I am in recovery myself. I was asked to come work for this organization after I was two years sober (I was in treatment in this organization). I work with mental health peers and run life skill groups. I don't work with substance peers. | Hello, and thank you for your question. I know that workplaces have some latitude when it comes to requiring certain behaviors from their employees. For example, they may require you to tell them if you get into some kind of legal trouble. But this situation seems completely different. For one thing, 12 step meetings are supposed to be anonymous. I am not sure how they would know that you attended unless you or someone else told them. I agree that it seems like to cross a line. Usually each state has an office that manages complaints related to employment, such as the Department of Labor or EEOC. You may want to see which entity is in your state and contact them. It would be worth asking them to see if this is a legal practice. If it is but you still want/need to stay at this job, then you may want to look for alternate sources of support for your sobriety. There are active online support groups that would allow you to do things from the privacy of your home. SMART Recovery http://www.smartrecovery.org/ is a website that many people like. There are also online groups that specifically discuss the 12 steps. No matter what, I give you a lot of credit for doing your best to keep your sobriety and continuing to see the value in having support. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC |
The organization I work for has told me I cannot go to my 12 step meetings | This is my recovery, and I don't feel that it is okay for them to ask this. They told me it is policy due to the fact that I may run into a peer there. I am a peer counselor in the small community that I grew up in. I am in recovery myself. I was asked to come work for this organization after I was two years sober (I was in treatment in this organization). I work with mental health peers and run life skill groups. I don't work with substance peers. | I worked for an organization that had a similar policy, although I'm not aware of it ever being enforced. Most of the employees were in recovery and active in 12-step programs. It has always been my personal practice that if I am present at a meeting and encounter a current client, I will leave. No questions asked. If I encounter a former client, I may decide to stay, depending on how involved I was in the treatment of that client, but I will not share during the meeting to avoid any inappropriate self-disclosure. I live in a relatively large city with a lot of groups, so it's possible to find meetings where I don't run into clients. This can be much more challenging in a smaller city. I understand that you don't work directly with peers in substance abuse treatment, but we know that many of our clients with chronic mental illness also have chemical dependency issues. Therefore, it is possible that you might encounter them at 12-step meetings. Perhaps you could try online meetings or consider driving to an adjacent city or town to attend meetings? |
The organization I work for has told me I cannot go to my 12 step meetings | This is my recovery, and I don't feel that it is okay for them to ask this. They told me it is policy due to the fact that I may run into a peer there. I am a peer counselor in the small community that I grew up in. I am in recovery myself. I was asked to come work for this organization after I was two years sober (I was in treatment in this organization). I work with mental health peers and run life skill groups. I don't work with substance peers. | Seems you would benefit more from legal guidance than from therapist advice.For example, I imagine policy must be presented in writing to the prospective employee prior to signing a contract of employment.If you were not given in writing the organization's policy of employees not being permitted to attend meetings, then I doubt the organization can hold you accountable for policy which you never were informed existed.There are workplace rules and regulations which your matter may be protected by.Since attorney fees are high, first look on your state's website for any agency your state government has which monitors employee rights in the workplace on being informed on policy.If you are in the right, as to having the right to not follow policy about which you never were told, then the next point to consider is whether or not to take any action based on your finding.Being legally in the right doesn't guarantee your workplace will be happy to accept they are wrong.The next step is to consider your own peace of mind working for an organization which essentially believes violating your civil right to free association, is ok.You may decide on a longer term plan on leaving this place. Usually when an employer does wrong in one area, they are also doing wrong in other areas of the workplace. |
How can I get away from my phone? | For some reason, I look at my phone, and in no time, five hours has passed. During those five hours, I'm playing games and trying to find out how to make my phone fun to use so I don't feel like I wasted my time trying to improve my phone's performance in my life. | Start by spending small amounts of time with your own thoughts and feelings.Always being focused on what a phone offers keeps people at a distance from knowing themselves.As long as you make time to spend in an activity which is not interactive the way a phone is, and instead depends only upon your actions, you will be investing time and energy into your own life.Whether by consciously considering your own interests, or doing housecleaning or chores, by devoting yourself to areas which you decide to be involved in, you will increase your knowledge of your own interests.Then, to not be so involved with your phone will be natural and easy. |
Is there a lawsuit for counselors and therapists who failed to report a relapse? | I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead.
Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report? | I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. This sounds like a really difficult situation for the whole family. Since the answer to this question will depend a lot on the applicable state laws, I would suggest talking with a local attorney. That being said, I see two competing issues here. On the one side is the duty of confidentiality the counselors owed to your relative. On the other side is the duty the counselors had to act reasonably to protect your relative from harm. Generally there is not a requiremt for substance abuse treatment centers to notify family members if an adult client relapses.A local attorney will be able to provide more specific guidance on the legal obligtions and liabilities in this situation. |
Is there a lawsuit for counselors and therapists who failed to report a relapse? | I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead.
Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report? | I am so sorry for your loss. Generally therapists only have a duty to report self harm to ones self or others if it is expressed to them. Often times they will not report relapses due to the fact that proper releases were not signed or patient has specifically asked them not to for fear of shaming or failure again. I understand this may not be the answer you were hoping for. I would encourage the family to seek therapy themselves for help coping with such a loss. |
Is it ethical for a social worker to ignore a client’s phone calls? | I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again. The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back. Can he just ignore me? | Mental health providers should promptly return calls from current clients as well as from potential clients. This is even true if the social worker (or counselor) is unable to make an appointment with the caller. In that case the social worker should call you back to let you know that he is unable to schedule an appointment with you.In addition, mental health providers have an obligation to follow through with their own communication standards. For example, if the social worker in this case has an outgoing voicemail message that promises returned calls within 24 hours, he has an obligation to follow through on that promise.All that being said, it is also worth remembering that mental health professionals are just people too. It is possible that he had an unforeseen emergency that kept him from from returning your call promptly.In the end, I agree with Sherry's advice. If you feel this social worker is not a good fit for you, you probably should trust your gut and find someone else who is a better fit. |
Is it ethical for a social worker to ignore a client’s phone calls? | I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again. The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back. Can he just ignore me? | Yes, your former social worker should return your phone call.It is the professional ethic to do so and plain human decency to do so.If he doesn't, there is nothing you can directly do about the fact of his ignoring you.There are formal complaints you can make, which you can consider doing.What matters most is receiving social work service.Stick with looking for another social worker who is willing to help you.The self-doubts you mention may be worth examining.They do not, however excuse the social worker mishandling himself. |
Unethical Therapy Practices | What do you do when a therapist and a parent drugs a child and makes up lies in order to stop the other parent's custody visitation? | This sounds like a potentially serious situation. The most important thing is to make sure the child is safe. If you suspect that a child is (or has been) harmed, I would strongly recommend that you report your concerns to your local law enforcement or to Child Protective Services. If you don't think that a child is in danger, you can still report your suspicion of counselor misconduct to the state regulatory board. |
Unethical Therapy Practices | What do you do when a therapist and a parent drugs a child and makes up lies in order to stop the other parent's custody visitation? | I will admit I am confused about this question. Are you the other parent in question or a concerned coworker of this therapist? Therapists do not prescribe or have access to medication. Most therapists won't even get involved in a custody battle. They know there is a good chance of their records ending up in court and that they themselves will have to testify in court. Of course, therapists are human and can make mistakes, but I find it highly unlikely that a therapist would knowingly and willingly do something like this that is such a major ethical violation. Not only are they losing their license to practice by doing this, they are going to face criminal charges and jail time. If their clinical judgment is that the other parent is a danger to the child, they don't have to resort to illegal means to try to prove this. If you have concrete proof that this has happened then there is a process in which you can file a report against the therapist with their licensure board. Every therapist is licensed in their state. There are different types of licensures so you would need to know this therapist's licensure.Most accusations from the other parent are expected in a custody situation because people do tend to get quite ugly. Don't accuse the therapist or the parent of anything just to try to make yourself look better and them look bad. Have evidence of wrongdoing before accusing them of this. If this has really happened then of course it needs to be reported, but don't try to ruin someone's career unless you are sure this occurred. |
Is it a normal practice for a team of doctors who are connected by state or profession to discontinue your treatment? | They discontinued treatment for no apparent reason after they thought to diagnose me with schizophrenia. | The general rule against medical abandonment says thst whenever healthcare providers discontinue treatment with you when you still need it, they are legally required to make sure that you have access to another provider of equal or higher ability.In this case, if your treatment team decided to discontinue your treatment based on a diagnosis of schizophrenia, they still will likely be required to provide you with a referral to someone who can provide you with treatment. If you haven't already done so, I'd recommend that you explicitly ask for a referral. |
Is there anything I can do about my therapist blocking my psychiatric services? | I had a dispute with my therapist regarding an appointment cancellation. Now, she is blocking me from seeing other psychologists at the same clinic (which takes my insurance), which is also where I get my psychiatric services. There is a strict 48 hour cancellation policy, and my appointments are at 3:00 on Tuesday. I called to cancel at 4:30 the previous Friday. I was late, so we contacted my doctor to tell her that I would be out of town. She said I could do a phone in session. The thing is we do double sessions. | My recommendation would be to try to talk to your therapist about this from your description, it sounds like you have a legitimate explanation for missing your scheduled session. Maybe if you could explain that to her she would be willing to work with you. If she is not willing to consider your explanation and if she is not willing to continue working with you, she still has an ethical obligation to provide you with referral resources to another therapist. |
How can I see if a therapist if my mom can't afford it? | I think I have depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and I have anger issues. I told my mom over and over again. She told me she would get me a therapist, but she never did. I just found out that my mom can't afford a therapist for me. | It can be difficult to get counseling if you don't feel supported by family members. There might be a few options. If you are in school, I'd recommend talking to a school counselor or school nurse. They often will be able to help you access free or affordable counseling resources in your community. In addition, depending on where you live, it's also often possible to call 211 for referrals to free or low cost counseling services in your area.I'd encourage you not to give up. You are on the right track. |
I told my family doctor yesterday, that I am hoarding my Ativan pills. Is he legally required to tell my psychiatrist or therapist? | I have major depression, severe, PTSD, anxiety disorder, and personality disorder. I had an appointment with my doctor. I was very upset, and I shared with him about that particular drug. | Your doctor might be required to tell your psychiatrist - especially if your doctor is concerned about your safety.It was definitely a good thing that you told your primary care physician about what is going on. I know that must have been difficult to talk about with him. By having that conversation, you are helping your primary care physician and your psychiatrist work together to best support your health. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | There are typically three reasons why therapy is terminated:1) Client has met therapy goals2) Client is not progressing 3) Therapist is not a good fit for clientIn order to properly assess whether therapy is helping and what progress is being made, the therapist needs to have ways of consistently checking in with clients sessions-by-session to determine what is helping, what isn't, and where the client is at in relation to their original therapy goals. When a client has met their goals, that is a good time to end counselling sessions unless the client has new goals or simply wants to check-in periodically to make sure that they are still on track (sometimes referred to as relapse prevention). When a client is not progressing, and feedback has been taken and attempts have been made to make the therapy more helpful for the client but to no avail, than it is considered unethical to continue to work with the client. In these circumstances, referring out to another therapist who may be a better fit is a good idea. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | It is usually time to end counseling sessions when it is clear to both the client and the counselor that therapeutic goals have been reached and enough improvement has been made that the client can continue without that support. There are exceptions to this rule, but for the most part this is when counselors begin termination. For some clients, this is an easy process that marks the achievements they have made in working through their emotions and difficulties. For some other clients, however, this is a difficult process in which they are losing a valuable support and are understandably anxious about what life will be like without the frequent meetings. Ultimately, termination is different for everyone, and there are many ways that termination can be healthy and helpful. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | Hello. The end of the counselor/client relationship is one of mutual respect and engagement. Counseling sessions can end for any number of reasons. Among them are the client's inability to make forward progress in therapy; the clinician's inability to help the client (for a variety of reasons); a mutually agreed upon time frame for a number of sessions to be provided; or the financial challenges of the client who decides that they need to put their resources elsewhere. In this last case, a counselor should never cancel sessions with a client simply on the basis of the client's inability to pay. That is traditionally seen as an unethical practice. Other arrangements can be made to provide care to the client, which in itself should be paramount.When the client and therapist decide that services are done, it is best if there is at least one or two more sessions to allow a case file review to occur, and to bring an appropriate psychological sense of closure to the client (and vicariously to the clinician as well, those this is perhaps not as important). This transition gives both a sense of having reached the end of a journey...rather than some abrupt departure from it. (An abrupt ending in therapy can have a varying level of impact both emotionally and psychologically on the client and therapist). Sometimes the closure of therapy is the result of a program of therapy being formally completed, in which there is a mutually known (albeit perhaps approximate) date of when that program will be finished. In this case, the client is likely feeling that impending closure and has time to prepare mentally and emotionally from a place of being the client in therapy, to a place of healing, growth and situational resolution.I have always worked in therapy with the following slogan (if you will), that I learned years ago during graduate school: "Not every therapist is good for every client, and not every client is good for every therapist." It is perhaps one of the most important guiding views I hold in working with clients. The therapeutic relationship is driven by mutuality - the desire of the client to get better at living life, and the therapist's desire to truly see the client heal and grow. When there is a block in this process from either side that prevents that synergy from occurring, the relationship that should be established may not be able to form. Or, if already formed, may at some point be unable to move forward. In these instances, referring the client to another type of service or clinician is appropriate. Usually, this can be seen pretty quickly by either party, though sometimes it is not always clear.Ultimately, the client and counselor need to work together to discover if the needs of the client (which is paramount) are being met in the therapeutic engagement with their current counselor, or if other arrangements need to be made to go elsewhere. If both are observant in this process, they can work together to maintain that sacred space and continue to reach the goals that have been set. Eventually, therapy will end, but hopefully based on the client's successful journey to the place where they wanted to go, and thus opening the next chapters of their life to a space that is more whole and brighter. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | Hopefully both the client and counselor would together decide when to terminate counseling sessions. It's really helpful for the client to leave counseling with a solid sense of what he or she has accomplished in counseling, so it can be a good idea to spend some time acknowledging that in the last session or sessions. Sometimes, however, a client has needs beyond the scope of the counselor's expertise. That's a good time for a conversation about those needs and ideas of how best to meet them, whether by adding in care with an additional mental health professional or transferring care entirely to a new mental health provider. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | There are different reasons why a counselor may seek to terminate with a client and these will each have different processes by which the counselor will come to that decision. Here are a few examples. The counselor may determine that the client's needs are outside what the counselor is competent to be able to work with. A person may have come to the counselor talking about a particular issue but either when they first met or as counseling progressed, it may become clear that the issue is in fact something different or that there is an additional related issue. If that issue is outside the competence of the counselor, the counselor should look for alternatives, the most common of which would be to terminate and refer. Beyond clinical issues, this could also come up around particular other related facts, such as the culture of the client or linguistic issues. This could also be the choice of the counselor if they know someone that they feel would be a better match for the client's issues. Another reason for discharge (and possible referral) would be if the relationship does not seem to be a good fit. No counselor is the right person to work with everyone. If the right level of connection is not happening, the counselor will often look first at what they are doing, might talk about it with the client and ultimately will admit that things don't seem to be working to allow the desired therapeutic process to work. A similar process would be followed if the counselor determined that the client might not yet be ready for counseling as evidenced by lack of engagement such as frequent cancellations, not doing any agreed on work between sessions, showing up late or being really guarded in session. The easiest situation to decide on is when a person has met their counseling goals and have nothing new that they are working on. While this is the easiest one to determine, it is also probably the hardest one for the counselor as they may be like the client in not wanting the relationship to come to an end. However, counselors know that this is part of the process. They will also determine this by regularly reviewing the treatment plan or by sending in the sessions that the work has come to an end. This type of termination maybe final or may be with the intent that the client will return later to address other things that have been identified but for which they are not ready to move into. All of these (and other) situations involves the counselor being open to the relationship ending, to monitoring how things are going, then engaging in self reflection, possibly talking with the client and then coming to a conclusion on which the counselor follows through. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | From the very beginning of counseling sessions I emphasize that the work will and must end at some point.In counseling there is an arc to the process. A beginning, middle and end. I am always digging, searching and exploring. There comes a point where things come to there natural ending.I always leave an opening for continuing counseling in the future. At least as a check in. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | There can be many reasons why?Client has reached their goals they hired the coach/ counselor forClient is not progressing or taking a path forward.Client is not a good fit |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | Counselors should consider ending counseling sessions or terminating therapy under several different circumstances. Here are a few of the most common:If the client has developed the coping skills for which they came to therapy, counselors should encourage clients to decrease sessions to less often to begin practicing maintaining progress on their own. Clients are often nervous about decreasing sessions when they are doing well for fear of relapsing. This is a crucial step in helping clients to build confidence in their coping skills and decrease the feeling that they must forever continue therapy in order to be well. Most clients experience some difficulties and slip ups during this step down process, but these are important to identify and address while still in therapy where clients can get help coming up with a plan. This is also the point at which counselors should be helping clients come up with a relapse prevention plan so they can safely terminate therapy and maintain the progress on their own.If the counselor determines the client's needs are outside of their scope of practice, they should refer them out. For example, if the counselor determines that the client has an eating disorder and the counselor is not knowledgable or trained in the treatment of eating disorders, they should refer them to another provider who specializes in this issue.If the client is in need of a higher level of care, counselors should refer them to the lowest level that is likely to be effective for the client. Most of what we think of as "therapy" is often on session every week or two with a therapist at a local practice. For some clients, however, the therapist may find they are unable to manage their symptoms and emotions between sessions and need to be seen more frequently. For outpatient therapy, clients with more severe symptoms are typically seen twice a week. For clients who need more than that, counselors should refer them to other programs for more intensive treatment such as intensive outpatient (groups and individual therapy several times per week), partial hospitalization (groups and individual therapy several hours per day plus medication), or inpatient (residential treatment with groups, individual therapy, and medication for 30 days).If the client is in need of substance abuse treatment before therapy can be effective with other concerns, the counselor should refer clients for a substance abuse evaluation. People commonly use substances to cope with unwanted emotional pain and mental health symptoms. Over time, this pattern often develops into substance abuse. Research has shown therapy to be ineffective in treating mental health conditions without FIRST addressing any substance abuse. For example, someone with a history of trauma who is drinking to cope with unwanted memories would need to be able to maintain sobriety for a period of time before therapy for trauma can have any significant impact.My goal as a therapist is always to start people off with the lowest frequency of sessions possible for them to actually make progress (typically once a week or once every other week). Then we work to teach them the skills they came in for and encourage them to practice outside of sessions. Next, once they've gotten the hang of the skills and are feeling better, we start encouraging them to space out sessions and "take the training wheels off". Finally, we come up with a relapse prevention plan to make sure they can keep it going on their own and identify any impending relapses long before they get bad so they can course correct on their own.For more information about the process of CBT therapy, visit: "From Start to Finish: What does cognitive behavioral therapy look like?" |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | For most: When the money/insurance runs out.When best: When the job is done... and you're feeling much better. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | To be able to identify a clear ending to a counseling relationship, we must have a clear understanding of the goals and limitations of treatment. Usually, during the initial evaluation, I identify my client’s short term and long term therapy goals. As therapy progress, we verify goals on a monthly to a quarterly basis, depending on the frequency of the appointments. Once the therapy goals have been met, there is a closing session, the counseling relationship is ended, and the client can stop attending sessions. In some cases, the client can also establish new goals and determine if I am a good fit for their therapy needs or if they need a new provider, in which case I provide multiple referrals.The counseling relationship could also end due to other factors like noncompliance= when a client is not committed to the agreed treatment process, or when the client’s or a counselor violates the counseling relationship. Either the counselor or the client is able to end counseling. Although, as mental health providers we need to provide a reason for terminating our therapeutic relationship and referral options, as a client no explanation is needed, a closing session is highly recommended. ¿Cómo termina la terapia?¿Cómo un consejero decide cuando terminar las sesiones de consejería o terminar de trabajar con un paciente?Para poder determinar el final de la relación del consejero, debemos comprender las metas y parámetros de la terapia. Usualmente durante la evaluación inicial se identifican metas a corto y largo plazo con el cliente, y se discute con el cliente como esas metas serán alcanzadas. Durante el proceso de terapia el consejero revisa las metas mensual o trimestralmente dependiendo de la frecuencia de las citas. Ya que las metas de terapia son alcanzadas, hay una sesión de cierre y el cliente puede terminar la terapia. En algunos casos el cliente puede identificar nuevas metas para la terapia y determinar si el mismo consejero u otro consejero le pueden asistir.
La relación de consejería también puede terminar por no conformar o violentar los parámetros establecidos para la terapia. Tanto el consejero como el cliente pueden terminar la relación de terapia. Como proveedores de salud mental los consejeros estamos obligados a proveer un razón para la conclusión del tratamiento y proveer referidos según aplique, los clientes no necesitan proveer una explicación, aunque es recomendable discutirlo en una sesión de cierre. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | As a therapist who believes in client self-determination above most other elements of the process, I want to as much as possible leave it up to the client to determine when they are finished. In the case of a termination because a client's distress has resolved, I might periodically check in with the client about how therapy has been going, and if we want to re-evaluate where we are.The more unfortunate situation would come about if I felt that I wasn't the best fit for the client. I would offer that in words, and ideas of therapists (with names) of who I thought might be a better fit and why. It still is up to the client whether to continue, however should they want to keep seeing me, a part of the work would be about that want (to see someone who professionally doesn't believe they can help as much as someone else.)I also find it perplexing when I hear a client (or on a personal level) tell me that their therapist said they "didn't need therapy." I don't know that I buy into that scenario all that much, because I do believe that yes, not everyone NEEDS therapy, but that everyone CAN benefit from therapy and I don't believe it is the therapist's job to deter someone from ever seeking out help of any kind. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | Ideally, termination should be a mutual process. It's not that the therapist kicks the client out at some point and says, "Okay, you're done." Rather, over time the client will decrease the frequency with which he/she comes to session so that it may start off as weekly, then decrease to biweekly, then perhaps once every three weeks, then once/month and so on. Throughout this process, the therapist and client should have had regular check ins about progress toward goals. If the client feels good about where he/she is in life, he/she might decide to suspend therapy for now. That being said, the therapist should make it very clear that if the client ever decided to return for "maintenance" therapy or a check in, he/she would always be welcome. There is no hard and fast rule to ending or a particular time period in which it must end. What matters most is that the client feels good about it and knows that the therapist will always be there should he/she wish to return. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | For a therapist, deciding to end counseling sessions or terminate working with a client is a thoughtful and intentional decision. One that is not entered into lightly. While there are many considerations counselors take into account, to help answer this question, I'll offer an example of two areas that counselor's take into consideration when ending counseling sessions:Does the client need different or more specialized care than the current counselor can provide? This requires the counselor to determine whether referring the client to another therapist or health care provider is needed.And, has the therapeutic relationship reached treatment goal(s)? While this question is specific to the counselor, I'd like to also add that a client, at any time, can end counseling. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | In general, I usually let the client decide when this should occur, sometimes with some clients it will be a joint agreement, but even in that case it should weigh mostly on what the client feels. In short, therapy ends when you feel your done.C |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | I will work with clients and continually review progress with them and determine if counseling is helping. If a client appears to have less to talk about in sessions, appears more stable for a period of time and has reached therapeutic goals I will talk about termination. Some clients however I may continue with on a monthly or bi monthly process to allow for check-ins to see how they are doing and if they need more help at that time. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | There are several reasons for a counselor to decide to end counseling. A major reason to end counseling is if the counselor feels that he or she does not have the skills or experience to work with the client. This may happen during the intake process or after working with the client for some time. If the clinician feels that the client is not benefitting from the therapy, it is ethical to suggest that the client terminate the therapy. The process of termination must not injure the client and, if necessary, the clinician may need to refer the client to other treatment modalities. Another reason to terminate working with a client is if the client needs a higher level of care. If the client has a crisis or is at risk of hurting himself or someone else, he or she may need a higher level of care. In this circumstance, the clinician may need to involve outside services such as a crisis unit. A third reason to terminate with a client is if the clinician feels that he or she cannot remain professional with the client relationship. For example, if the issues that the client is working on bring up something significant for the clinician and the clinician feels that he is unable to separate that from the professional relationship. In this instance, the clinician should refer the client to another therapist. Finally, if the client has reached her goals for therapy and no longer needs treatment, the clinician and client should terminate treatment. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | Counseling ends when the client has received the maximum benefit from the therapist. Even if the therapist believes the client is not making progress, the client may feel they are improving and receiving a benefit. And the therapist may see a benefit and the client does not. It is best to have ongoing dialogue with the client to determine when termination is appropriate. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | Goodbyes can be hard.
Chances are most of the goodbyes you have experienced in your life have been
difficult. Saying goodbye to a therapist can be different. It can be an
opportunity to create a healthy ending in a positive relationship in your life.
If you work with a therapist who is skilled, then saying goodbye can be just as
transformative as the therapy itself. Ending therapy is also known
as “termination.” I know, “termination” doesn’t have a great ring to it!
However, it is what it is. It is an ending of the relationship as it existed.
It is reality cold and stark. Of course, when I talk to clients I don’t use the
word “termination,” I usually say “our goodbye.” Under what circumstances does therapy usually
end? Therapy should end when a client does not need further assistance, is not
receiving any benefit from therapy, or might be harmed by continuing to work
with a particular therapist.In the best case scenario
the decision to move on from therapy and “say our goodbyes” happens when both
the therapist and the client feel like the client is ready to move on and move
up! Ending the therapeutic relationship
should actually be worked on from the very first session. What I mean by that
is, there should be an understanding that the work we do together will have an
ending and that is a good thing because it means the client has gained the
skills to continue working on themselves independently. So the first session I
have with clients usually outlines a plan where the end goal is discussed and
we both have an understanding of the skills the client wants to learn or what
they hope to achieve. Now sometimes there are
situations where the therapist ends the relationship and the client may take
that personally, it is hard when any relationship ends and it might bring up
feelings of sadness, and fear or abandonment. Any good therapist will end the
relationship based on what is right for the client. What are some situations
where a therapist might end the relationship?If the situation the client
is dealing with is out of the therapist's scope of practice, the therapist may
end the relationship and refer the client to someone else. This is in the
client’s best interest. Another reason a therapist might end the relationship
is that the therapist is in a place in her life which prevents her from being
objective and helpful. A therapist who
is going through a painful divorce may have difficulty working with a couple
that considering divorce. A good therapist may see that their judgement may be
clouded and want to refer the client to see someone else. This is good practice
and helps the client.If a client is actively
suicidal or actively using substances then the therapist may end the
relationship and refer out for a higher level of care. The client may need to
be hospitalized or may need an inpatient substance abuse treatment program.
Therapy may be terminated while they are being treated and may continue after
the intensive program is completed.
Ending therapy should be a
time for connection and bringing together accomplishments, or reviewing the
next important step the client needs to take. It should not be an experience of
abandonment. A skilled therapist will help a client gain a new perspective on
closure. For some clients, it may be the one time in their lives when they get
a clean ending in a healthy relationship and they get to feel a sense of
control on creating that ending. Good luck to you! |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | In the best case scenario, it's a mutual discussion and decision. If not, I've had the discussion initiated both ways, by me, when I sense the client has gone has far as they want, by lack of interest in accepting or completing homework assignments, missing or cancelling appointments, usually at the last minute, lack of participation during sessions. Client initiates by asking me pointed questions about why the need for homework assignments,, by forgetting their calendar, or their checkbook :) , by suggesting that we make appointments over longer intervals (once a week to once a month, for example). I rarely have had to terminate a working relationship--that's why I don't charge for the first visit, so we know if we are a good fit before we start working together. Then I periodically ask whether the client feels we are making progress, moving in the right direction, talking about the most relevant issues etc. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | In my therapy practice the decision to end therapy is mutually made together with the patient.Otherwise, the person can end up with a sense of tremendous rejection and abandonment.The way you'll both know therapy is coming to a close is that the discussion will feel lighter and move easily.The person's mood will be better, they will smile more, sit in their seat in a more relaxed way, look more at ease, take better care of their appearance.One of the ways to end therapy is to gradually decrease the frequency of the sessions.Sometimes people who are in my practice start to come each three weeks, then monthly, then every three months.This gives a sense of security, friendliness, and casualness to the therapy, and de-medicalizes it as though the person was treated for a medical symptom and the symptom stops completely one day.Talk therapy is about life and life problems usually end gradually.I end my therapy in a way which mirrors the life process in which many interaction and situation problems show their effects gradually and show different effects over time. |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | Hi there, There are a number of reasons why a therapeutic relationship might end including, but not limited to the client reaching their goals, the client reaching a place of acceptance where they wish to remain or even a breach within the relationship. The last aspect should likely be taken to supervision in order to be fully processed. All of these things could happen, and usually happen organically (again, except for the last example). Your question, however, was about the counselor ending treatment. This is a bit more difficult and can be very nerve-wracking. It may be beneficial to take this with you to supervision, as well. It's important to understand why you feel the need to end or terminate with the client, as well. Do you feel that they would be better suited for another therapist, have they achieved their goals or is it something else?In regular, open-ended sessions, I try to make a point of checking in with the clients fairly frequently. In these check-ins, I use the time to ask the client how they feel about the sessions and if there is anything they wish to focus on more astutely. I also ask if they have any immediate goals that they would like to prioritize. In goal-oriented sessions, I check in more frequently to ensure that both the client and I remain focused and, should they wish to shift their focus, that they recognize it is part of my responsibilities to make sure we move back to the desired goal. Often, especially in longer term therapeutic relationships, we as clinicians can see that the client has reached their goal, however they are apprehensive about ending therapy. This is actually a great place to go with them; why would they feel unable to handle issues in their external or internal environment without you? Often, having this open discussion can increase empowerment and mastery. That said, it could also highlight other issues which the client may have been apprehensive about going into within therapy and now, as the relationship seems to be ending, feels more confident in bringing these up. In the case where the relationship is a toxic one, terminating with a client may be the best option for both of you. It's a difficult conversation, but recall that part of the role of the therapist is to model that these discomforts can be managed. I hope that this brief response can assist you going forward! |
How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | This is a question that is very specific to each person. There are definitely some variables, but I can give you some general ideas for when counseling might end:When a client has met all of their goals, at least to a degree when they feel that they no longer need to work on them with the assistance of a counselorSometimes a decision is made that a client is no longer benefiting from counseling at a certain timeSometimes clients have to remain in counseling in order to receive medication. This depends on agency policy, but sometimes it is a requirement. If the medication is necessary and cannot be prescribed by a primary care physician, frequency of sessions is usually decreased greatlyI'm not sure why you are asking this question, but it is also something that is often discussed at the beginning of treatment. Oftentimes "discharge goals" change as treatment progresses because more is known about clients, their goals, changes in their goals, and many other things. Changes are normal, but your counselor probably has discharge goals in mind, at least generally, from the beginning. I strongly encourage you to ask about it! |
My therapist betrayed my trust | My therapist is gay so there are no sexual issues here. However, my therapist for six years has made me believe that he cares about me and that we are friends. I have loaned money to him many times, and he always paid me back.
I had a medical emergency last weekend and I was heavily medicated. I knew that this therapist came into my home and wrote down my credit card information so he could pay back what he owed me, but this therapist dropped me off and never came again. I don't know what to do. | I'm sorry to hear that this has happened. Counselors are legally and ethically required to make sure that they always put the wellbeing of their clients above their own interests. In addition, counselor ethical rules, and the laws in just about every state, make it illegal for counselors to take advantage of a client financially. A counselor borrowing money from a client (even if the counselor pays it back) would usually be considered to be taking advantage of the client.There are a few options you have at this point if you can't (or don't want) to continue to try to contact him directly. You can file a complaint with your states' regulatory board and let them know what has happened. An investigator will then look into the situation for you. Another option would be for you to find a different counsleor who can provide you with an independent and netural point of view to help you figure out how you want to handle this situation. |
My therapist betrayed my trust | My therapist is gay so there are no sexual issues here. However, my therapist for six years has made me believe that he cares about me and that we are friends. I have loaned money to him many times, and he always paid me back.
I had a medical emergency last weekend and I was heavily medicated. I knew that this therapist came into my home and wrote down my credit card information so he could pay back what he owed me, but this therapist dropped me off and never came again. I don't know what to do. | Do you want this therapist to have your credit card information?If not, then cancel the credit cards that you believe may now be accessible to this therapist.Therapists are expected to keep very clear boundaries between the therapy work and not have other relationships, such as "friend" or "money lender" with someone who is their patient.Therapists are never "friends" with their patients.Letting you believe that you are the therapist's friend, is a violation of professional ethics and almost definitely, a violation of the Consumer Protection laws in your State.Start by dropping this person as your therapist. He has broken too many ethical standards to be worthy of offering therapy.Think over if you'd like remaining friends with this person, whom you describe as lacking integrity and stealing from you.If you need help getting back money from him, then contact the police and talk to a detective about what has happened so far. The detective will advise according to the laws in your community and State, whether to file a police report, and what steps are necessary to utilize the Court system to get back your funds.If you'd like doing future patients who may be treated to similar ways by this therapist, a favor, go online and file a complaint with the therapist's Licensing Board.Good luck! |
My therapist betrayed my trust | My therapist is gay so there are no sexual issues here. However, my therapist for six years has made me believe that he cares about me and that we are friends. I have loaned money to him many times, and he always paid me back.
I had a medical emergency last weekend and I was heavily medicated. I knew that this therapist came into my home and wrote down my credit card information so he could pay back what he owed me, but this therapist dropped me off and never came again. I don't know what to do. | Therapists, regardless of the discipline (i.e. licensed professional counselor, social worker, psychologist) are expected to put the health and well-being of the client first. Each professional discipline does have a code of ethics as well as a licensing board in each state. In order to get licensed the therapist must agree to abide by the highest standards of conduct including state, local and federal regulations in addition to the code of conduct. You do have the option of reporting this person to the appropriate licencing board in your state. The other concern is if this person has unauthorized access to your credit card. If you did not give it to him or authorize use this becomes a legal matter that you can also report to the legal authorities in your city or town. Therapy and counseling are effective because professionals gain the trust of the client. Betrayal of that trust by crossing boundaries and developing a relationship outside the therapist/client relationship is hurtful. Please know that the vast majority of counselors are highly ethical individuals who put the welfare of the client first. |
I'm in high school, and I want to be a psychologist | I just wanted to get to know one so I can hear about their college experience and the courses they took. I also wanted to know if they enjoy their job and how long they were in school. | It's a great idea for you to reach out to find a psychologist to talk to if this is a field you might be interested in pursuing. Regarding the length of schooling, it generally takes 4 years of college and an additional 4 to 7 years of graduate school to earn a doctorate degree to become a psychologist. There are also other similar professions, including counseling that don't require a doctorate degree. Licensed counselors generally completed 4 years of college and an additional 2 years of graduate school. If you are thinking about a career in psychology, the local APA chapter would be a good place to start to find a local psychologist to talk to. Here's a link to the NJ APA chapter:https://www.psychologynj.org/ |
I'm in high school, and I want to be a psychologist | I just wanted to get to know one so I can hear about their college experience and the courses they took. I also wanted to know if they enjoy their job and how long they were in school. | Mental Health is an exciting and rewarding field. I hear you saying that you want to be a psychologist, and that is one path to working in mental health. You could study psychology, social work or counseling to become a practicing therapist. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate and a Licensed Clinical Addiction Specialist. I currently provide assessments and supervise several counselors in a large clinic in Asheville. I also have a private practice online. I studied Sociology and Interpersonal Communication as an undergraduate, and then I received a counseling masters degree. My master's degree was comprised of several supervised practice courses and theory courses. I really enjoyed my education, and I find my career equally rewarding and enjoyable. If you are considering working in the field, I recommend emailing several counselors, social workers, and psychologists in your area and setting up an informational interview. Not everyone you contact will be willing to give you their time, but many may. This will help you determine which path to therapy may be right for you. Licensing restrictions and abilities vary state to state and a local practitioner may be able to provide you with a specific list of challenges/triumphs about their particular license and education. Psychologists are usually PhD level practitioners and require more education to begin. LCSWs , LPCs and LMFTS can practice with a master's degree. Best of luck! This is an exciting time. |
Is it appropriate to give my counselor a bottle of wine for Christmas? | I am an international student, and it is my first semester in graduate school in the United States. I faced a cultural shock, and I was so depressed when I arrived here. My counselor in the university was my savior. He helped me a great deal. Now I am going back to my country for a vacation. I was thinking to get him something special with my country's name on it, and I remembered that he likes wine. My country is known for that. Is it appropriate to give him wine as a gift after Christmas? | This is a great question. In general it is not appropriate for counselors to accept gifts from their clients. There are some exceptions to this general rule - including a recognition that there may be a valid cultural aspect to this type of gift giving.It might be best to simply offer your counselor a holiday card as an expression of your feelings. You could also talk to your counselor about the gift and ask if him it if would be appropriate.In the end, I know he would most appreciate just knowing how much the counseling meant to you. |
Is it appropriate to give my counselor a bottle of wine for Christmas? | I am an international student, and it is my first semester in graduate school in the United States. I faced a cultural shock, and I was so depressed when I arrived here. My counselor in the university was my savior. He helped me a great deal. Now I am going back to my country for a vacation. I was thinking to get him something special with my country's name on it, and I remembered that he likes wine. My country is known for that. Is it appropriate to give him wine as a gift after Christmas? | I don't think it's appropriate to give your counselor a bottle of wine. Your counselor helped you and supported you, which is great, But a gift is inappropriate. I can understand that you want to show your gratitude. There are many other ways to do that. You could drop your counselor a note or card, thank him in person, or tell him how much he helped you. These small gestures can be very meaningful for both of you. |
Is it appropriate to give my counselor a bottle of wine for Christmas? | I am an international student, and it is my first semester in graduate school in the United States. I faced a cultural shock, and I was so depressed when I arrived here. My counselor in the university was my savior. He helped me a great deal. Now I am going back to my country for a vacation. I was thinking to get him something special with my country's name on it, and I remembered that he likes wine. My country is known for that. Is it appropriate to give him wine as a gift after Christmas? | Hi, Different therapists are guided by the ethical guidelines of their own associations or colleges when it comes to receiving gifts, so this may differ a bit from therapist to therapist. It's important to me that I be sensitive to cultural norms, and to my client's needs. In Canada, and the US, it is customary for people to sometimes express gratitude with a small gift, and I have from time to time received small tokens of appreciation because I believe it would be rude to refuse this. It is never necessary to give a therapist a gift, but if you wish to express your gratitude in this way, I don't think it's inappropriate. |
Should I get a new therapist? | I have an eating disorder of binging. I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I need help with issues of abuse as a child, addiction, and abusive men. I have been in therapy for five months and get no feedback from my therapist. | It can be really frustrating to feel like your counselor is not providing you with the help you need.My recommendation in a situation like this would be to let your counselor know how you feel. Specifically tell Your counselor that you don't seem to be getting the amount of feedback you would like.If this doesn't help, then you might want to look for another counselor who will be a better fit for you. |
Should I get a new therapist? | I have an eating disorder of binging. I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I need help with issues of abuse as a child, addiction, and abusive men. I have been in therapy for five months and get no feedback from my therapist. | Hi Anaheim,Relationships with therapists have some things in common with other relationships; they work best if there is dialogue about what your hopes, thoughts, emotions and needs are. Are you letting your therapist know what your goals are? It's okay to say "I'd really like us to focus on this piece", or "I'm looking for specific direction about how to manage this part". Your therapist is wise if they ask questions that determine what your needs are, but they can't read your mind. Not every therapist will be a good fit for you. I know I'm not a good fit for everyone I meet. We have different styles; some are more passive and focus on listening. This might be the type of therapist you have. For some people this is what they want, but maybe it's not for you. Maybe you want someone who digs at you more, asks more questions, gives you strategies, lets you know what they think... someone more active. If this is the case, it doesn't mean s/he's a bad therapist...it's just not what you're looking for. Sometimes people think they can't end sessions with their therapist; they might be worried about hurt feelings. But, in the end, you don't owe your therapist anything if you feel it's not working or it's not a good match. Just move on and try someone new. Maybe ask them questions first about their style, even. Best of luck! |
How do I approach my doctor about seeing a therapist? | I'm worried I should see a therapist due to past events and current mental status. I'm just so unsure of how to ask my doctor about seeing someone. | Having this kind of conversation with a doctor can feel difficult. But remember, you are the expert on you. Any good medical professional will recognize that.You are absolutely right to think about the importance of being your own health care advocate. Generally, the best approach is simply to be honest. Let your doctor know what you are concerned about and tell your doctor what you think might help. If there is a specific issue that you’d like to address in counseling, let you doctor know about it. And don’t hesitate to directly ask for a referral.I know this may all feel a little overwhelming. It might help to bring a family member or significant-other with you to provide support when you talk to your doctor. It’s great that you’ve already taken this first step to reach out. You’re on the right track. |
How do I approach my doctor about seeing a therapist? | I'm worried I should see a therapist due to past events and current mental status. I'm just so unsure of how to ask my doctor about seeing someone. | Thanks for your question. I'm glad you realize that you need extra support and are being proactive. Simply explain to your doctor the feelings you have been experiencing and how you feel that speaking with a mental health therapist would be beneficial. However, keep in mind that you do not have to go into detail about your personal feelings. You can simply state that you are feeling down, overwhelmed, stressed, or whatever it may be. I'm sure your doctor will be glad to direct you from there. Best of luck you you! I hope that you will be feeling better soon! |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? | How can we handle stress in healthy ways?
Eat and drink to optimize your health. Some people try to reduce stress by drinking alcohol or eating too much. Try and find if you do certain things or are there triggers when you do.
Exercise regularly. In addition to having physical health benefits, exercise has been shown to be a powerful stress reliever. ...
Stop using tobacco and nicotine products. People who use nicotine often refer to it as a stress reliever. ...
Study and practice relaxation techniques. Taking the time to relax every day helps to manage stress and to protect the body from the effects of stress. Lastly channel your creative energy try my adult coloring book it might help |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? | In case you feel some relief to know you're feeling the tone of our times.We live with crumbling of our values which then gives rise to insecurity everywhere. If someone doesn't know what their values are then its difficult to do anything, and right now everyday we hear uncertainty in what used to be our basic assumptions.You're more normal for noticing and feeling stressed than if you imagine life felt fine the way it is!One road to take is to accept that there are no clear roads forward. This means to change long term goals into shorter ones.Also, in general the more focused you can be as to your particular wishes, motivations, interests, and people about whom you care, the greater will be your sense of confidence that your personal world is as secure as it can be for right now.And, it helps too to know that nothing lasts forever, eventually all of what is up in the air will start to land in a much more clear way. |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? | Part of handling stress is making sure that your perception of the stress is accurate. Sometimes stress can seem more than it really is. One thing that I encourage my clients to do is to ask themselves, "What is this stressor really about?" Simplifying stress is a key to minimizing stress and leads to feeling less stressed out. |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? | Unfortunately we can't escape stress in this life. Some stress is good and it motivates us to take needed actions. Or stress may paralyze us, cause sickness, and upset relationships. Stress affects every area of your life; physical, emotional, social, cognitive and spiritual. You may experience physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach upset, or sleep disruption. It may affect your ability to learn new things or concentrate. Further it may cause you to question previously held beliefs and heighten your emotions. You can take a holistic approach and focus on those 5 realms to reduce your stress. As examples, exercise as approved by your MD to reduce muscle tension and lift mood, journaling or art to channel your emotions, spending time with positive people, staying away from negative people if you can, and be aware of thoughts that increase your stress. This does not need to take a lot of time out of your busy schedule. Taking 3 minutes throughout the day to walk, journal and take deep breaths helps. A therapist can help you identify specific stressors and help you to problem solve solutions. |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? | As a general disclaimer, in any area of mental health there is no "one size fits all" response, as each concern addressed in therapy is unique to you and your life situation. With regard to stress reduction, it can be useful to take an inventory of the emotional, cognitive, and physical manifestations of stress with your psychologist, and to identify the context, history, and triggers related to the stress. This can help in establishing clear treatment goals with well defined targets for stress-reduction interventions, of which there are many. Basic examples of interventions to address manifestations of stress include: cognitive reframing techniques for manifestations of cognitive stress; assertiveness communication training, activity pacing, and mindfulness meditation for emotional manifestations of stress, and good sleep hygiene and lifestyle modifications (e.g., with nutrition, exercise, etc.) for physical manifestations of stress. This is by no means a comprehensive list of interventions, but hopefully will provide a sense of some of the options that could be available for you to work on with your psychologist. |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? | There are many causes for feeling stressed out. Between a demanding job, family responsibilities, and everything else that can come up, stress becomes more and more part of our everyday life. One of the best ways to combat the toxic effects of stress on our bodies, social lives, and overall well being is to engage in self-care. But not the self-care that most people think of like vacations or massages. The best self-care is the kind that helps you live the life that you already have rather than escape it. You see, the reason why vacations and massages don't work long term in reducing stress is that they allow you to escape from what is causing the stress without truly fixing it so you just return to what already stressed you out. So, instead you need to find ways to help live with the stressors that you already have. They can be things like creating a more manageable schedule, introducing healthy eating or exercising, financial planning, and even learning a few simple relaxation skills. The key to combatting stress is to make small but consistent changes to your life so that it becomes more manageable and more enjoyable. |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do? | What are five ways to reduce stress?Here Are 5 Important And Effective Ways To Reduce Stress And Anxiety 1. Practice deep breathing exercises 2. Just lie down on the floor 3. Focus on an object to help calm your breathing 4. Take a break and listen to some music 5. Smile even when you don’t feel like smiling 😃 |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do? | Finding the root of your stress, what stresses you most? Finding techniques to combat that, and many have found release, relief in acupuncture, and emotional freedom techniques. |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do? | Some great stress busters are: any type of physical exercise that you enjoy, journaling, reading, doing things you enjoy by yourself or with others, listening to good music, having a great laugh and good conversation, relaxing and mediating like deep breathing, and trying your best to be in the moment! |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do? | Something different works for each of us.There are the outward answers of self-pampering and making your home and work environment as pleasant as possible.A deeper level way to decrease stress is through exercise or alternative practices like yoga or tai chi.If the stress is more deeply rooted than temporarily feeling irritated for a few days, then give yourself some time to reflect and clarify what the meaning of the stress is to you.Self-understanding and appreciating your efforts to know yourself may decrease stress because you'll be more focused and attentive to who you are. This will influence you overall to make good decisions for yourself and these will naturally be ones which decrease stress as much as possible. |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do? | Our body reacts to stress typically by breathing more shallowly, increasing our heart rate and tensing our muscles - so one thing that I find really effective is to try to do the opposite of that, which sends the signal to our mind that we are relaxed. So that means, taking slower, fuller breaths and trying to relax any areas where we might be gripping our muscles. Check out meditation apps such as 'Breathe', which can talk you through a relaxing breath exercise. I recommend using the app daily, whether you feel stressed or not, and then also using it when you re feeling particular moments of stress - that way you are practicing the skill when you feel calm(wish) and it'll be ready and able to help you when stress hits hard. |
How can I be less stressed? | I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do? | Learn how to meditate. I recommend a Mindful Based Stress Reduction MBSR program. |
How do I relieve stress and find balance? | I'm in my late 20s. I have two jobs right now, I'm in school, and I feel like I just have a lot under my belt right now. I get stressed out really easily. I tend to worry and over-think. I'm just worried about money and everything. | A good start is to pay attention to some basic issues: sleep, nutrition, exercise and socially supportive relationships. A great car on an empty tank will not get you very far. |
Why do I get aroused when women call me "gay"? | Is it a type of fetish, or is it normal? | Maybe it is a way to secretly satisfy your own wish to be or to live life gay. |
Is there a reason I have always been attracted to men much older then me? | I am a young adult, and I was sexually assaulted by an older man when I was a teenager (which has really intensified the guilt/shame). However, I've been attracted to much older men since I was even younger than that. | Sometimes the reason for being attracted to older men is because of growing up with a father who was distant.If you grew up having enough interaction with your dad to know you'd have liked more and didn't receive this, then maybe your longings of childhood are still active within you.It is ok to like older men.Just be sure you're not idealizing them, or anyone else.Because regardless of age, a relationship is based on who the two people really are, not how we'd like imagining them. |
How do I deal with sexual tension? | I have been experiencing a lot of sexual tension with a lot of the guys that I talk to nowadays. I keep imagining having sex with them. I have never had sex before, nor have I had a boyfriend. I feel lonely and empty. I feel like my body is not okay, and I am missing something. I talk to so many boys in school, and I always fantasize about half of them. I want this feeling to stop because it is interfering with my time to study since most of the time, I am busy thinking about sex. | Hi Montreal, I'm glad you wrote. What you're experiencing is normal. We're sexual beings. We have a built-in desire to connect sexually with others, because it feels good, to keep procreation going, and mostly to "connect" with other people, because connecting with others makes us feel fulfilled and valuable. Sexual desire is a healthy part of you. Maybe your body is telling you it wants to dive into that water and taste it instead of just staring at it? It sounds like you're beginning to explore yourself sexually, and that's okay.At your young age, you also have another innate burning desire, and that is to know yourself. I see both of these desires burning and competing in you. It's a bit of a crazy time...you want to connect with others but you're not sure who you are or what you want from them. You want to know yourself but you can't learn about yourself in a vacuum. It's okay to trust your instincts. It's okay to connect sexually with others, as long as you're preventing disease and pregnancy and you know how to protect your boundaries. But even as I write this, I think maybe I'm being controlling and overprotective of you; it's your body and you're in charge of what happens to it! (But I do want you to be safe...whatever that means to you). Maybe talk to someone you trust. With each encounter you have with other people (sexual or not), you will learn more about yourself and what you want, both sexually and just in relationship or friendship. You will develop a sense of who you are.Have you tried to get to know yourself sexually? This is a super place to start, and knowing how your own body works can give you confidence when you eventually connect with others. When you explore your own body, what feels good? What brings you to orgasm? I wish you well as you explore both who you are and how it feels to connect with others safely. :) |
How can I get some closure on an experience I regret? | Back in high school, my friend and I used to masturbate around each other. I hate even talking about it now because it's so weird. We didn't even realize how messed up it was at the time. One time, it escalated and we ended up doing it for each other. It wasn't supposed to be a gay thing, but it sure sounds like it now that I talk about it. I pushed this away until it recently came up in my head again. I'm having a lot of trouble. | Writing about your high school masturbation times with your friend, is itself a form of acknowledging the full picture of who you are. You are doing well to reflect on your actions in the truthful way you are doing.Also positive is that you have perspective, that at your age and social maturity, you were innocently doing something that in adult terms, would be considered in a negative way.Maybe through your more mature mind's eye of today, you can feel some compassion and understanding for your high school self. This way your sense of self-judgment may start to dissolve a little bit more. |
Why do I always get ignored by people? | Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me. Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me? | You are not alone. SocIal media marketing is and can be tricky. Today to feel validated it is to receive a like , comment or follow. When friends or family members are interacting on their pages but not yours it can be frustrating. Law of Attraction might help. Contact me or visit my profile to learn more. |
Why do I always get ignored by people? | Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me. Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me? | Stand in your power and ask
for your needs -in this case, an answer-,
to be met. You are valid. People often feed off our energy, so exude the energy of standing in
your power and making your voice heard. Knowing what you say is worthy of being
heard and receiving a response. You could also look into working on your throat
chakra which deals with speaking your truth, self-expression, being heard. |
Why do I always get ignored by people? | Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me. Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me? | I understand the feeling of not being liked due to not having any responses on the sites you list.More than likely the non-response has less to do with liking you than w liking the way you write your messages.Have you tried asking a question in your posts? This would be one way to invite people to answer your post.When you write, imagine yourself as the reader of the post.If you think about the wording of a question which would motivate you to respond, then this formula will very likely be the same for many others who read your post.Good luck! |
Why do I always get ignored by people? | Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me. Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me? | Sorry to hear your friends aren't responding to you. If these friends are in-person as well as online, perhaps going to them in person and asking talking to them about your concern. Perhaps it's the way you send messages or the way they are receiving them. if they say no, then a simple request to respond to your messages. Measure the result and notice if there are even small differences. Also understand, why this is so important to you. Ask yourself, why it's so important for you to receive these messages from friends. What does it mean when they don't respond. |
Why do I always get ignored by people? | Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me. Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me? | I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time.I wonder about how your friendships are in person. If you get along well with people and have effective conversations with them face-to-face, there could be some kind of technology-related problem.Have you tried gently talking to people about how you send a message and they didn't answer? If you can phrase it in such a way that they recognize that you are asking for information and not blaming them for not answering you, that could be effective.I'd also encourage you to consider how much this is bothering you. If it is causing a significant amount of anxiety (say, more than 5/10 if 10 is really anxious), I would suggest talking with a local therapist.In the meantime, consider talking about this with someone you trust to whom you can get more details to get a more specific answer. |
Why do some people try to make a joke for everything and laugh at everything? | These "jokes" are made about everything. They seem to have the need to say something "funny" about everything. It's not funny, just awkward. | I agree, it is awkward when people make jokes about subjects which may not be funny at all. And, if a person only jokes, then after laughing and realizing the person has nothing of themselves to offer, this can also be quite tedious.Realize that you are more aware of human interaction having many levels of expression. You could start avoiding people who irritate you by the way they behave. |
My friends don't put effort into our relationship | It's really hard to not have negative feelings about friends who don't put any effort into nourishing our relationship. | One thing I would ask is "why are you still hanging with those {friends}?" A relationship needs to be nurtured by both parties, it is a dynamic fluctuation between two people. I would ask you to question why you continue to remain together as friends, I always believed that a relationship should emit positivity towards all parties involved, if your in a relationship that is one-sided, it is inevitable that it will start to de-compensate. Never travel with the circus, never travel with fools, everything in life should have some positive payout, will things at times be negative, of course they will, but in order to keep something or someone in your life there should be more positivity than negativity.Hope this helps, C |
My friends don't put effort into our relationship | It's really hard to not have negative feelings about friends who don't put any effort into nourishing our relationship. | Interpersonal relationship (either positive or negatives) need to or more persons who give and receive: attention, dedication, time and communication. But what makes friendships special is that they last trough time, at least with those who we call our true friends, those who know us well and whom we have a special connection and those from whom we disconnect at times, without fear of losing them.Consider what is that you are going trough yourself and with your relationship, talk to your friend about your concern; let him (her) know that you would like to spend more time together. Plan an activity that you both enjoy or try to discover a new hobby. If your friend is not enthusiastic or engaged, give him (her) some time and focus your energy spending time with other friends or enjoying activities in solitude. After a waiting period, call again to let your friend know how you are and that you are still a friend. If you continue feeling rejected, analyze why you value this relationship so much and consider if it’s worth to maintain it.Mis amigos no ponen esfuerzo en nuestra relación.Es muy difícil no tenerles sentimientos negativos a amigos que no se esfuerzan en cuidar nuestra relación.Las relaciones interpersonales (negativas positivas) necesitan dos o más personas que den y reciban: atención, dedicación, tiempo y comunicación. Pero lo que tienen de especial las relaciones de amistad es que perduran a través del tiempo, al menos con los que llamamos nuestros verdaderos amigos, los que nos conocen bien y con quien tenemos una conexión especial, y de quienes nos desconectamos en ocasiones, sin miedo a perderlos. Considera que está sucediendo contigo y en tu amistad, conversa con tu amigo(a) sobre tu preocupación, déjale saber que te gustaría pasar más tiempo juntos. Planifica alguna actividad que les interese a ambos o descubran algún nuevo interés. Si la respuesta de tu amigo(a) no es positiva o entusiasta, dale tiempo y acércate a otras personas que compartan intereses en común, o dedícate a hacer cosas que disfrutas en solitud. Después de un plazo, vuelve a comunicarte para saber como esta, y dejarle su amigo(a) de siempre está ahí. Si sientes que tu amigo(a) no tiene ningún interés, buscar hacer nuevas conexiones, y enfócate más en ti y en otras actividades. Si tu amigo(a) no responde, analiza porque valoras esta relación, y si conviene mantenerla, aun cuando tu amigo(a) no responde a tus esfuerzos. |
Should I pull away from my best friend? | Because we are on opposite coasts, we try to talk early mornings, but she is constantly interrupted by visitors. I suggested setting aside some time, but she has made it very clear she has no intention of changing her lifestyle. She is also drinking beer every day on antipsychotics. | The answer depends on how satisfied and happy you feel in being part of this friendship.From what you write, there aren't any statements as to what gives you happiness about being a friend to this person.Since you already made a request of. your friend and she isn't following through, you could ask if she is willing to work with your suggested plan.The friendship may take a new format, depending on your friend's response.Its possible to be in contact more spontaneously, when either of you feel like contacting the other.What matters most is your own dissatisfaction with the current relationship status.Even if you change to a, birthday and holiday only conversation, or some other style of interacting, at least it will be the result of the effort from each person, not just one, who is you, designing arrangements which only you are willing to keep. |