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MattBoraske

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Reddit-AITA-2018-to-2022

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on monday a parent of another girl in my daughter’s class got in touch with me over facebook. she was asking me for help dealing with a situation between our girls. she had pictures of text conversations between them both and my daughter had been being quite nasty to her classmate. there was also a few of photos the classmate had posted with what i was told was my daughter’s account making harsh comments under. i told the other mother that i would speak to my daughter about it. this seemed really out of character for my daughter so i wanted to get to the bottom of it. when i first spoke to her she denied it out right. then i showed her the picture evidence and she said that she was just joking and that that was just her relationship was with the other girl. i didn’t buy it. this girl wouldn’t have gone to her mother if she wasn’t upset about it. i was just getting no where with my daughter. i’ve read the horrible news articles about teens harming themselves over bullies so i am taking this very seriously. my boyfriend(not the father) suggested blocking her devices from the wifi until she straightens up. i didn’t even know you could do that, but he had it finished within minutes. i also told her i would be monitoring her texts from now on. she just keeps telling me what year it is and it’s impossible to survive without internet. she also brought up classwork. as far as classwork i told her that for the time being she can walk herself to the library and use the resources there. i’m not very internet literate so i’m really not sure if i’m being overly harsh. sure she doesn’t have tv in her room now and her laptop and ipad are fairly useless for now, but i feel like the punishment fits the crime. or maybe my daughter is right and i’m going way overboard. i’m not exactly the most modern type person.

aita for completely cutting my teenage daughter from the internet?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b3cie5/aita_for_completely_cutting_my_teenage_daughter/

2019-03-20 14:12:59

nta - it's a justified punishment. if she really needs the internet for school work (it is a legit reason) and the library won't work, then maybe limited, supervised internet use at home just for work. the monitoring of texts did stand out as a bit harsh though. that could be bordering on too much invasion of privacy. you'd be better off just taking her phone away instead of monitoring her conversations imho.

nta, but 'until she straightens up' is not a good timeframe to have on this. how are you planning to measure whether she straightens up, especially if she now can't interact with people online at all to show she can do better?

nta, but i think the library is not the solution. she needs supervised internet use at home. sending her to the library doesn’t make her any more likely to do her homework and increases the likelihood of her continuing to bully. it sucks that punishing kids usually involves sacrifices from the parents, but she’s not learning anything about how to behave properly online when she has no supervision.

nta. she was bullying another young girl. she should deal with the consequences.

nta bullying is awful. go of for you for addressing this.

nta. your daughter bullied another girl and lied about it. grounding is appropriate. how about instead of disabling the wifi on her devices, you instead block social media website? i bet there's a way to put parental controls on. block facebook, instagram, twitter, netflix, etc. > my boyfriend(not the father) suggested blocking her devices from the wifi until she straightens up. how do you know when that will be?

nta. i think this is a great (temporary) punishment and you should stick with it at least until she learns her lesson. i believe she can still get onto social media from the library so as long as you monitor her research time - you should be in the clear. i’m actually glad you’re taking action and not saying ‘my child would never’! i think i would do the same. you can’t reward bad behavior.

nta. but you need to get up to speed on technology as you have years of this ahead.

nta - your daughter needs to understand that just because she's talking through a keyboard doesn't mean her words don't have an effect and that bullying is bullying regardless of how it's done. i say you were entirely in the right and i applaud both you and your partner for taking action where most parents would ignore it because "kids will be kids". however, she does have a point that schools are relying more and more on the internet for assignments and such. when my cousin is grounded from the internet, my aunt will have him sit in a room she or her husband frequent so they can make sure he's doing his work and shut it off again when he's done or it's time for him to go to bed. if you ever worry about her access in a public place or that this could impact her grades, you could switch to that strategy instead. it seems to work if you devote yourself to it. as for the texting, it's within your right to know what your child is saying or doing; usually i wouldn't support it as it is invasive, but given the situation, it's a logical thing to do. internet and phones are a privilege and if she wants the freedom to use them freely again, she needs to earn it back. ​ all that said, i hope your daughter comes out a better person at the end of this.

nta. that being said, not to criticise your parenting style, but you should try to get up to speed with computers, the internet, and how these things work. it's excellent that you're taking a stand against bullying, top score, but if you simply levy punishments without knowing their full ramifications, your daughter won't respect you or your decision. for the modern teenager, the internet is the way they accomplish most of the things they do. they read the news, watch tv, socialise, meet people, play games, read, and study using the internet. most of their lives are, in one way or another, inextricably linked to the internet. the internet also tells them how to budget, how to write an essay, how to deal with social and emotional issues, how to create a bank account. it tells them how to do all the things they need to do to have a successful adult life. knowledge that, in the past, would either be taught to them by their parents, or their parents would outsource to someone else. if, when you said that your daughter should use the library, you meant that she should use the computers there, then fair enough. if you meant that she should go there and actually use books, then that's not going to fly. libraries are fundamentally inefficient. just based on the book, you have no way of knowing how accurate the book is, what the book's key points are, what the most important sections are, and if they're not indexed, no idea where to find anything useful in the book. using the internet, you can get a brief overview of the topic, in-depth analyses into different aspects of the problem, and even different academic studies on things related to the problem. i mean, you're on reddit. try going into r/research, r/todayilearned, or some of the other more academic subreddits. they only scratch the surface of what you can do. also, a lot of schools actually use online systems, where you have to study, write, and submit your assignments online, using their system. stopping your daughter from accessing those could harm her studies. i suggest looking into restricting your daughter's access to all but a few websites (school websites, wikipedia, news outlets), and set a time limit on the punishment, say two weeks, or a month. contact the other mother, and if your daughter does something like this again, double it. if she needs access to a specific site, she can use your device, or a family device in a space where you can monitor it. it's more work, but it's fairer, and doesn't unreasonably restrict your daughter's ability to live her life.

BENIGN

i (19m) am the oldest of five children. i usually live at university but i still have a room at my parents’ house. however, while for the past few years my brother (8m) and sister (10f) have been sharing a room, my parents have decided that it’s unfair for them to continue to live this way, which i completely agree with. they also think it would be unfair for either of them to have to share with my younger sisters (4f & 2f) due to their routines being so different, so they have decided to give my sister the attic room to herself and move my brother in with me. i don’t want to share with an 8 yr old. i’ve never had to share a room long-term before and i have lived in that room for 10+ years and am not really sure how to manage sharing the space. i am someone who spends most of their day in my room so this would be a big change for me. i also have insomnia so sharing with a child who sleeps before 8pm is likely to be an issue. considering our dogs live in the living room, our conservatory has been turned into a playroom and the shed has been renovated into a full-time sanctuary for my sisters’ pets, there are no other options for where i can sleep for the few months or odd weekends i will be home, so i’ve started looking into renting a flat relatively nearby (twenty minute drive or so away) so that i will still return to my hometown for christmas etc. and see friends over the summer. i didn’t know how my parents would take to this idea, but my mother is angry. she thinks i’m being irresponsible with my money by renting since i already have to rent university accommodation and that i am ‘weaseling out’ of having a relationship with my siblings. my father also seems to be annoyed that i value my relationships with my friends more than my ‘own flesh and blood’ but spending a saturday with a 4 yr old isn’t my idea of fun. my parents are also annoyed because they expected me to spend the summer helping them look after my siblings and our five pets, especially since one of my sisters has some serious health issues. they seem to view this as me saving myself discomfort but causing them a lot of issues. i know that this may seem incredibly selfish and the more i think about it the more i do understand why my not being there could cause issues for my parents, but at the same time, honestly, there is no space for a teenage boy in this house anymore and they seem to manage well enough when i’m at university. i didn’t intend to move until february anyway due to financial reasons so there is still time to reconsider. reddit, aita here? should i just bite the bullet and stay put for their sakes?

aita for planning to move out?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r1jgaq/aita_for_planning_to_move_out/

2021-11-25 00:32:43

wtf. nta. you are under no obligation to help take care of your siblings, you are not their parent, neither do you have any pets. you are an adult man, and if your finances allow for you to rent your own place, it's only natural that you'll move out and get your own space. don't feel guilty for growing up and living your life. you are your parents' kid just like your siblings, you are not a third parent of that household. the kids and the pets are their responsibility.

nta: they aren’t saying they’d miss you. they’d miss your labor. it’s not a workable solution to have you share with an 8 year old and you are taking care of yourself by moving out. plenty of people still have family relationships after moving away from home. it sounds like they want you to accept less and do more.

nta i was in the same situation a couple months ago. i moved out regardless of what my parents thought. they still disagree with the decision, but it's not my responsibility to take care of their kids. it's not your responsibility either.

nta. it sounds to me like your parents are more-so upset that their unpaid babysitter won't be available anymore. it is completely ridiculous to expect a grown man to share a room with an 8 year old child, and to some extent, irresponsible. if i was in your situation, i would definitely also be looking to move out. best of look with whatever path you choose to go down!

nta you are old enough to live by yourself and make your own decisions. taking care of your siblings is not your responsibility.

nta. besides all the reasons you gave, it's not your responsibility at all to take care of siblings, pets, etc. it sounds like they wanted you to come back home just to babysit tbh.

nta. you have your own life to live. your parents are mucking it up with the room arrangements. also, you're so much older than your siblings; there was a time you were the only child. your parents have forgotten this, that you've been an only child, & now the much older sibling. none of your siblings are close enough in age for you to enjoy any of them yet & your parents refuse to see this. you are a young adult, socializing with friends is very important for someone your age. your mother is angry because her free childcare is wanting to move out. i'm sorry, dear, your parents are taking advantage of you. the sooner you're on your own, the happier you'll be. definitely not the asshole.

nta. your siblings aren't your responsibility to deal with.

nta you're a legal adult and it's your decision whether to move out or not.

you're an adult now, there's nothing wrong with wanting your own space to have your own life. i think your parents are more upset that they won't have you around for free babysitting. nta.

BENIGN

when i was 9 my sister and mom got into a bad car accident. my mom got a broken arm and my sister could no longer use her legs. my mom came home and told me to pack my stuff because im gonna live with my grandparents for a while. during that time my mom did not come to any of my birthdays, graduation, and everything important. she didn't come visit me even when i cried over the phone begging her not to leave me alone. after a bit, a while turned into days, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and eventually months turned into years. now my mom recently found out that i got accepted into collage and will be starting in 2023. for the first time ever i got a phone call from her; telling me she's proud of me. she told me, her, my older sister, and our grandparents should all come together to celebrate i told her no thank you, as a party isn't necessarily since it's only 2022. she brushed that off and told me, that it doesn't matter and this is a big celebration, i again said no and told her that i have to go. she showed up at my grandparents house pretty mad for me brushing her off, she brought my sister with and she was mad too. my mom went off at me, telling me how i'm being a selfish daughter and she's just trying to be a good mother. my sister agreed and called me a selfish asshole. i told my mom she was never a mom to me, i reminded her how she didn't come home when i begged and this is the first time i'm seeing her in many many years. after this some words were exchanged and police were called. my grandparents agreed with me and told me that i don't have anything to worry about. but my mom's side is ignoring me and calling me an asshole while my dad side is quite, i'm not mad at them for this because even tho my mom and dad divorced when i was 4 they still went to alot of my events. aita?

aita for telling my birther she was never a mom to me?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ybs5j5/aita_for_telling_my_birther_she_was_never_a_mom/

2022-10-23 20:31:43

nta listen to your grandparents. they are the people who raised you and who love you. their words matter the most

nta in the slightest. your mom wants you to pretend that everything is fine so that she doesn't have to deal with guilt and/or social opprobrium, or because she wants you to support her once you're making a good income. regardless of her motive, she's going to experience the consequences of her own awful actions. there's no need for you to protect her from those consequences. they are entirely warranted.

why the sudden interest? is she thinking ahead; child goes to college, child gets good job, child makes money, child gives mom money? nta

nta she hasn’t bothered to see you in years, essentially abandoning you. nobody should expect you to welcome her back into your life with open arms. what’s your mother’s financial situation? it’s possible she just got very excited, but given her total absence until now i’m wondering if she thinks you’ll eventually be earning some good money and she wants in on that.

nta. not even a little. your mom abandoned you and now feels entitled to come back into your life on her terms. nope. if you ever have a relationship with your mom again it needs to be 100% on your terms to let her back in. she has no right shoving herself in like this.

**nta** the selfish person in this situation is your mom, who wants to have the glow of having a successful daughter without having contributed anything at all to making that happen. she *abandoned* you at nine-years old. she ignored your pleas then left it up to your grandparents to actually raise and support you for 6-7 years. who you are today is a direct result of having weathered her desertion with the support and love your grandparents gave you. why would she and her extended family think that she's entitled to celebrate your achievement now? >i'm not mad at them for this because even tho my mom and dad divorced when i was 4 they still went to alot of my events. who went to these events? were they relatives from your mom's side or mostly from your dad's.

nta. i have no idea what justification your mother is using for her abandonment, and for now pretending like that abandonment shouldn't be consequential. your sister, on the other hand, may be under the influence of your mother's thinking and storytelling - especially if she's younger than you, but even if she's not. your relationship with her might still be salvageable. here's a conversation you could have with her: presumably, she has friends who are not paralyzed, who have full use of their bodies. presumably, some of those friends have parents and siblings. we'll call one of these friends "abby" for simplicity's sake. if, god forbid, abby's sister were in a car crash and became permanently paralyzed, would it be ok for abby's mom to leave her at her grandparents' house and literally not see her for eight years? i'm assuming your sister's mindset right now is that you haven't suffered the way she's suffered, therefore you have no right to be upset. the conversation above is to try to guide her outside of the competition mindset. i can't say whether being abandoned by your mom for half of your childhood is better or worse than losing your ability to control your legs - neither of these things have happened to me. but it doesn't matter which is worse, because they're both objectively very bad. this isn't a bummer situation like you couldn't join the ski team cos your sister's medical care was expensive - your mom literally didn't lay eyes on you for most of a decade, when she could have chosen otherwise.

nta. she didn’t show up for you on your important days and even after you begged her, she still didn’t show up. don’t ever let her back into your life. what does your dad think about all of this?

nta i wish you well for your college. i'm sorry but you'll have to deal with not having a mother by your side. i mean who calls the police on their daughter!!!

nta. your mother put you aside for years. she may have felt she had no choice - but that doesn't change the fact that she abandoned you. now she just wants to pretend that didn't happen. you are absolutely right to stand your ground and not just let her back in your life.

BENIGN

title should actually be "are we the assholes" because my wife and myself are involved in it the same way. cutting half the backstory, since i hit the character limit hard lol. wife's (f)riend makes poor life choices, asks to stay with us for few days, we agree, wife's a cosplayer, has closet full of costumes and props. f stays alone once and decided to try on the costumes. wife has wide hips, but is not overweight, f is. costumes dont fit oops. eveyrthing is uncovered few days before gaming convention we wanted to attend and main costume is ruined. now i have to add few details about one costume. i got her one for anniversary gift and it was really hard to get and really expensive. the waiting list is almost a year (if not 2 years recently) and it's a miracle i was able to get a spot for her. the costume is made out of special kind of latex, it looks like regular one, but is apparently extremely easy to put on. however, damage it and it's virtually unrepairable as you can't glue it again. f has apparently figured it out that rubber is stretchy and she could try the outfit. well, it's apparently not as stretchy as she thought or she handed it poorly and there is huge rip above the buttocks. how do we know it was her who did that? well she lost a sock in the closet. and nobody else could really do that. wife is devastated, i am devastated because i knew she was really excited to use this costume so obviously we confront f. tl:dr of convo: f admits she ripped stocking of other costume, then after pushing confesses to trying on the catsuit, offers 20 bucks for repairs, we disagree, tell her the costs and waiting time, calls wife a child and fetishist. i end the conversation since i won't allow some loser to insult my wife and her hobbies. but hey, day later wife is fuming and she shows me a facebook post f made. basically playing a victim "they say i destroyed something, want to scam me, w is a child, ijustwanttofeelagain is fat shaming and they both are disgusting fetishists". comments are mixed from "lmao, just block those weirdos", through "dont confess to anything" and "why are you body shaming her" to "you have to pay them back". of course she lied she was allowed to try it on. we both explained the situation, that contrary to popular belief latex is not fucking cheap, this designer is definitely not cheap, f behaviour is definitely scumy and her fat ass should probably avoid putting on anything that's not hers. now i just don't know if we're crazy that we expect to get the money back (cost of the outfit + the fact that it's really hard to buy it) and that in emotions after what we heard we are more than allowed to use the term "fat ass". or maybe i should also play a victim, because yes, i am guilty of absolutely having a fetish for my wife lol.

aita for "body shaming" a "friend" of my wife and wanting to get the money back?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/asccba/aita_for_body_shaming_a_friend_of_my_wife_and/

2019-02-19 16:40:41

nta - also, don’t stoop to her level. she’s a garbage person and those people looove pulling others down to their level. be the bigger person (not literally).

nta. f never should have tried on costumes without permission, and when she knew she destroyed a costume, she should have been up front about it, and paid for repairs. she's definitely ta, and i really don't see a reason to remain in contact with someone who will destroy your things and then play victim when you get mad about it.

nta. she sucks. but don't engage on social media with her. that will not help your case. not sure from a legal perspective how easy getting money from her would be, but she damaged your property so she should pay to fix or replace it.

nta.. who the hell goes into someone's closet and just try's on clothes.. what a freak

nta, she broke your wife's gift :(

nta. i can understand you saying that. probably wasn't the nicest thing you could've said but i think that people would've screamed at you regardless of what you wrote. seriously, you don't put on other people's cosplay unless invited. that stuff is pretty intimate, partially because it's often custom made and typically expensive but also because well, i view it as similar to underwear if that makes sense. it's often made or at least bought with the idea that only you will wear it. someone else putting it on without you knowing is sort of a violation in my eyes, even if it's something that can fit most people. that's not considering the fact that some cosplay isn't meant to be worn with underwear and is very difficult to clean properly. screw this bitch.

they had us on the first half, not gonna lie. nta- and if i were you or your wife i could cut every single tie with f immediately.

nta and tbh i feel like i would have said more hurtful things if i were you. you don’t try someone’s cosplay on, then get mad when the people who purchased it want money to replace it because you broke it. i also love how that when she was just trying on stuff it was ok but now y’all have fetish?!? so she was trying on some people’s fet gear🤔🤔 seems like an invasion of privacy and congrats jack ass you’re still in the wrong i wouldnt stoop to her level and try to call her out on social media or anything but i hope she’s not longer staying with you and your wife. also she’s hiding behind the body shaming thing because it’s an easy target and people can immediately feel bad for her. you know what size you are, you know what size your friend is. don’t fucking try on her shit then just shook your double wide cant fit. it’s not your wife’s fault or your fault it’s hers. she’s the one acting like a child not you. if she doesn’t feel welcome in the house she can leave 🤷🏾‍♀️

nta, she is completely at fault and should pay for what the costume was worth.

nta. you didn’t call her fat or even insinuate it (unless you did and you didn’t tell us so.) she played dress-up with expensive costumes and ruined them. send her the receipt and ask for her help to replace it, or you can screenshot everything she’s said, talk about it further (keep everything with a paper trail - emails, texts, etc. to screenshot) and take her to small claims if she won’t pay up.

TOXIC

i 25m and am engaged to my fiance 24f. i have an older sister who we'll call riley who is 5 years older than me. my whole life she picked on me, stole my things, and was just a straight up asshole to me. but to everyone else she seemed to be an angel. this led to us never getting close and we never really cared about each other. it was such a relief for me when she moved out and i felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. i am now living with my fiance in a small apartment. i haven't talked to my sister since she moved out, and i never planned to connect with her again. last month i contacted my parents telling them that i was getting married. they were ecstatic and asked who was coming. it wasn't going to be a huge wedding because neither me nor alexia ( my fiance ) liked the idea of a big wedding. we planned on inviting some of alexia's friends, some of my friends, and my parents. my parents seemed confused when riley's name never popped up. they asked me if that was it and i told them yes. they then asked, " aren't you inviting riley? " riley had never even crossed my mind while we were planning so i told her that i had no intention of inviting her. my mom then kind of got mad calling me an asshole and saying stuff like, " she is your sister, why wouldn't she cross your mind? " i then told her that riley had been a jerk to me my entire childhood. my parents kept making up the same, " she's your sister why won't you invite her? " excuses. i then kind of snapped. " did you not notice the shit she has put me through for the 15 years i had to live with her? were you not present?? " my mom got mad and said, " we aren't coming if riley isn't. " perfectly fine with me. i replied telling them that they didn't have to come and i would be happier without them. they haven't contacted me since. me and alexia are planning to get married in about 3 weeks or so. i told my friends about it and they called me an asshole. alexia is totally on my side with not inviting riley. alexia knows what i went through with her and she is very understanding. so i'm curious, aita?

aita for not inviting my sister to my wedding?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w44okl/aita_for_not_inviting_my_sister_to_my_wedding/

2022-07-21 02:21:56

nta. it’s your wedding, you should only have people attend who want to be there.

nta - your parents just showed you everything you need to know about them. what's the over/under of them calling you the day before begging you to invite your sister?

nta they showed you that they care more about riley than they do you.

nta no one wants their tormentor at their wedding. i have a brother who was never invited to mine, and we have been nc for years now. your parents are wrong to try to force the issue. i hope you have a beautiful wedding (small ones are the best) and a long happy marriage. ♡

nta. it is your wedding. not your sister's. you are under no obligation to invite anyone.

nta but really emphasize that she abused you. she wasn’t just a jerk. it’s like you are downplaying your own torment. you could also say “i don’t feel comfortable being around my abuser during a day that’s supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my life.”

nta it's your and alexia's wedding. you invite the people you care about and who care about you.

nta! if your parents want to dig in their heels, f them too! apparently they're so shortsighted they don't realize this can escalate to them not getting a lot of time with the grandchildren in the future, because if they choose your sister now.... can you see it? "we're coming over with your sister to visit the baby!" more drama 🙄

nta. just because you are related does not mean she has to be invited. i’m sorry your parents never stepped in to stop her behavior and protect you. i’m glad your future wife understands you and is on your side.

nta. you’re not obligated to invite your childhood bully/abuser to your wedding, even if she’s related by blood to you. if your friends can’t understand that, maybe they aren’t your friends. if they contact you, tell your parents that you’re disappointed in them for choosing her over you yet again, but it’s their decision… and consider going no contact as they will continue to choose her over you. “but she’s your sister” does not erase the way she treated you… in fact it makes it worse.

TOXIC

for context; i am currently six months pregnant with mine & my husband's first child. initially, i was going to allow my father, and my husband's mother and sister to visit after delivery but recently decided that i wouldn't want any visitors other than my husband. my husband sat down with his mother and explained to her that i no longer want any visitors in the hospital and that we'd be happy to facetime her for 30 mins to an hour as a compromise. also that we don't really want any visitors for the first three weeks because i'll be healing(especially since it's likely i'll be having a c-section). from what i understand, i'll be in pain, crabby and likely won't be in the mood to entertain guests ogling my newborn baby & trying to get me to pass her around like a bottle of vodka. after my husband told her the expectations and boundaries we would be implementing, she went absolute batshit on him and claimed that i'm trying to "keep her from her grandchild and son" by "putting her son in a cave and not allowing him near his family". she then went on to say that /i/ am a total weirdo and a disgusting slob and that my husband and i don't know the first thing about raising a baby and we are being "ridiculous" for "keeping her" from the baby. but the thing is is that we are not keeping her from the baby, this is a boundary we have set with everyone, including my family. what she has failed to realize is that just because she is the grandmother does not mean she is entitled to see the baby whenever she wants. so, aita for not allowing visitors?

aita for not wanting any visitors at the hospital?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zpox01/aita_for_not_wanting_any_visitors_at_the_hospital/

2022-12-19 11:19:00

nta. you can set whatever boundaries you want with others. it sounds like mil is quite pushy and overbearing and you’re trying to protect yourself. fwiw, i was pretty recovered after a week with a section and was craving visitors. you don’t know how you will feel.

>. she then went on to say that /i/ am a total weirdo and a disgusting slob and that my husband and i don't know the first thing about raising a baby and we are being "ridiculous" for "keeping her" from the baby. hey cool! this is actually great news op because now you know that your mil doesn't respect you and thinks your baby is hers. so you also know she is an active threat to your child and you should probably make it permanent that she stays away from you and the baby. do not let her near your kid until she offers some very, very serious apologies to your face. and never let this woman near your child unsupervised. she is an active danger to your child. i hope your spouse is laying down the law. if not, you guys need couples counseling starting yesterday. nta

nta, it is your child, not hers and you have the right to decide when everyone can meet them. heck when covid happened, some grandparents went years before officially meeting their grandchildren for the first time. she can wait three weeks

nta. cut her off until she can behave. after you have your baby you will want to bond and heal. i’m still mad about the things that were done after both of my girls births. i had a c section with both and both times my ah of a mom and my ah of a mil did things or said things that were just inappropriate and rude. enjoy your time with your baby and huge congratulations!

i'll take her word that you are a total weirdo and a disgusting slob who doesn't know the first thing about raising babies and that you are trying to keep her away from her son and grandson. granting all of that, total weirdos and disgusting slobs get to decide how many visitors they get at the hospital. particularly post-partum visitors. your mils arguments are specious, even if her premises are true, you still have the right to restrict your visitors. nta.

nta. your baby your rules. you're not keeping her son from his fam. that's a grow @$$ man. he can go visit her anytime he wants. but that baby, the rules are set by its parents, not the grandparents or any other extended fam. they need to get over themselves.

nta his mother needs to understand this is not her day.

nta. there are a lot of illnesses (rsv being one of them) going around, so it makes sense to isolate your newborn for a while.

nta first off make it clear when you do actually go in to hospital staff that only your husband is allowed. no other visitors. that way the won't let anyone in to see you or give out updates. second ... take your time. heal up and bond with your baby. get a routine going for you and hubby. third.. this flu season just started and is down right nasty this year. let your baby build up their immune system first. don't risk rsv or flu because people are feeling butt hurt and won't listen. your compromise plan is a good one. she can accept it or just stew in the dark then. especially after all that crap she spewed about you.

nta as a weirdo and a slob i take it she never wants to visit right??

BENIGN

for background, i go to uni in the us and share a dorm with a girl i used to be friends with. i don’t come across making friends really often, as it is typically difficult for me to keep conversation with someone or keep my focus on anything for too long so watching tv with people is difficult anyway, to the story. my roommate, taylor (f, 19) has been kicking me out (sexiling me for lack of better word) at least once a week to spend the night with her boyfriend in our room. i’m really bad with confrontation, so i don’t really know how to say no. sometimes she kicks me out twice a week and it’s getting close to exams so i’m thinking about saying no to her from here until the end of the semester. i explained this to my sister who is only a few years older and she said i’m being inconsiderate. that my roommate just wants to spend time with her boyfriend like everyone else and that isn’t a crime. she thinks because there’s only two weeks until my roommate goes back home (across the country from her boyfriend) for the summer i should let her spend as much time with him as she wants. is she right ? should i just put up with not sleeping in my room for the next two weeks so my roommate can spend time with her boyfriend? (i’m on mobile so formatting is bad ://)

aita for not letting my roommates boyfriend spend the night in our room anymore ?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uiqd4s/aita_for_not_letting_my_roommates_boyfriend_spend/

2022-05-05 05:34:23

nta stop this insanity. you are being forced out of your home. stop letting her do this. they can go to his place. you have the right to feel safe, and respected in your space. stand up for yourself! tell her you will no longer be accommodating her sex life. you pay for this space. p.s. your sis is wrong. you’ve been more than accommodating.

nta. and now you know that your sister was a terrible roommate during her university years.

nta. it is your space you shouldn't necessarily have to leave . if you are busy studying and it's in your best interest to do that in your room then you need to learn how to grow a spine and say that now is not a good time. the cost of having a roommate is that you have to share that space and aren't always going to be able to get your way so your roommate cannot just demand that you leave. it might cause issues or some drama or whatever but now is as good as a time as any to learn how to stand your ground on your decisions. your roommate should be telling you in advance to arrange for you to be out of the place if that's something you are ok with. stop inconveniencing yourself so much for other people at the expense of your own wellbeing (like your grades).

nta. this is a total no-brainer. your roommate is a total ah for doing this to you and is also most likely breaking the dorm rules as most prohibit overnight guests. grow a spine and confront your ah roommate and don’t let her walk all over you. tell her what she’s doing is wrong and you have a right to stay in your own room. if she wants to have private time with her bf that’s her problem and not yours.

nta. it's your room and you should have access to it when you want. have you talked to your roommate and tried to give her some times when you are out anyways? it's rude to kick someone out like that more than once in a long time.

when i started reading this, i was expecting something about her kicking you out for an hour of dancing in the sheets with her bf, but she's kicking you out all night? the fuck? you have a right to sleep in your own dorm room. your roommate is way out of line here. refuse those requests. and you don't have to let the bf sleep over in your room either. if that bothers her, she can go sleep in his room. if she fights you on it, your university almost certainly has rules that specifically prohibit what she is doing, so you've got that on your side. nta.

nta. she can go to her boyfriend's place. if that is impossible, it should be more like a "you get 1 hour, and then i'm coming back to study". also, info - where exactly are you supposed to go?

nta. my roommate tried that stunt decades ago. she locked me out of the room. after banging on the door and yelling, she unlocked the door and the boyfriend sheepishly escaped. i told her to never lock me out of my room ever again. she could find somewhere else to play with her boyfriend.

nta, it’s a shared space and she’s being inconsiderate to you

nta that is your room! complain to whoever manages the rooms.

BENIGN

my daughter [18f] is extremely into art. she also has a personal art book. i [m] am also extremely into art so we bond over it. she decided to show me all the pages in her new personal book, full of very well done artwork. out of the dozens of art, 3 had her nudity. two were fully nude self-portraits of her and one was of her with her breasts exposed. they were in a realistic style. i am very used to seeing nudity in art. she warned me before i saw them and she just said she was practicing drawing naked bodies. i didn't say much about them and we moved on to the next art pretty quickly. now my wife is very upset at me for looking at them because she thinks its crossed a line.

aita for seeing daughter's nude art

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k55g7s/aita_for_seeing_daughters_nude_art/

2020-12-02 08:24:00

nta your daughter was fine with it. what "line" does your wife think has been crossed?

nta the human body itself is not sexual, it's a piece of nature like any other. its also a wonderful subject to learn how to draw realism. i think it's fantastic that you two have this type of relationship where she can trust you to see her art (not just the nudity, but her art in general). a+ parenting

nta. she is 18. she can decide whom to show her art to.

nta. in some countries, it's very common for the entire family to visit the nude beach together.

nta. there was no sexual aspect to it, it was just art. she's an adult and made the choice to show you, done deal.

definitely nta. i would never show any family member my naked body even if it was just a drawing but i’m not an artist and that’s exactly what you were looking at. art. i don’t see how this would be much different than say seeing a relative in a nude scene in a movie. if both you and your daughter are ok with showing each other your art then i don’t think there’s any problem.

nta. you were both comfortable with it and it’s not like you were creeping.

nah. i get that it might be a little bit weird, but i understand both your and your wife's view. you, i assume, wanted to encourage your daughters passion and talent while your wife misunderstands your interest as pushing boundaries. i would try to expain to her ( your wife that is ) that your daughter wanted you to be proud of her art and there is no weirdness involved as both of you are into art and you and your daughter take it as it is, just art.

nta. nudity is not sexual in nature.

nta, your daughter gave you consent to see them

BENIGN

so two of my best friends m and j got married on the 7th of this month. they didn't have a gift registry like most weddings have now a days. it said on the invite that gifts weren't necessary but appreciated. so i went to the edible arangments store and got them a bouquet for everyone to eat at the cocktail party and got them a basket for them exclusively. so i get to the wedding and drop my gift off with j's brother and he makes a weird comment "seriously? a fruit basket?". i'm like, it's all i could really afford and the invite said gifts weren't necessary even though everyone brought a gift anyway. he then says "you gay guys are called fruits as a slur?". i think to myself he can't be serious and i just continue on with having fun and socializing. my friends just got back from their honeymoon yesterday and i called them to see how it went and j answered the phone and seemed really mad at me and we hung up after 5 awkward minutes. i didn't get out what he was mad at me over, but this is the only thing i can imagine it to be? i haven't talked to either of them since they left for their honeymoon. am i the asshole?

aita for giving my gay friends a fruit basket as their wedding gift.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f50ej9/aita_for_giving_my_gay_friends_a_fruit_basket_as/

2020-02-17 00:54:29

nta but its possible the gift wasn't well received because you brought food to an event where (i assume) they were providing food. they probably had catering and left over cake and may not have been able to enjoy fruit on top of that. and maybe they thought providing food for other guests was a slight at the food they provided?

nta- edible arrangements are expensive af, and anyone i know who's received one has been stoked about it (i've heard they're delicious to boot). you're very close to both of them, and they should know by now that you'd never use such a slur against them. it seems like a bit of a reach to take offense to this nice expensive gift.

yta just for the choice of gift. who brings food to a *wedding*? this is why they thought you were trying to say something - because no normal person would give food as a wedding gift, so there had to be another reason (in their mind).

nah that is the most hilarious accident and i wish they had a sense of humor. reading the title just made me laugh. i get why the dude would be upset but that's still funny. i'd try to talk to them and apologize at the very least. see if they were offended it took it in stride.

well, it's true gays were called "fruits" at one time. but i'm expecting my aarp card in the mail any day, and even i'm not old enough to remember that time. seems like a stretch to be offended at that. nta. however, a fruit basket is kind of an odd wedding gift as people usually leave for a trip right after their wedding. if the situation arises again, get a nice cutting board. they don't cost much and everyone can always use a cutting board.

yta - just slightly. in my region of the country it would be considered quite rude to bring additional food to a wedding. the couple is hosting a major event and generally serving food, or at the very least dessert. not really an appropriate gift to bring to that kind of event. not to mention it could be quite a hassle to get it back to their fridge, depending on when they left for their honeymoon. i know a lot of people who don’t go back to their home inbetween the reception and honeymoon because they splurge on a wedding night hotel instead. however i think your heart is in the right place and the brother was out of line for insinuating that you were giving a gift with a slur attached. that’s quite a dated one.

yta. a fruit basket for a wedding present? seriously? a freaking home depot gift card for that amount would've been preferable. i'm sure you had good intentions but food for a wedding present is a dumb gift.

yta. it’s a shitty wedding gift whether they’re gay or not. plus if you knew they were going on a honeymoon, it’s an even worse gift. they come back to rotten fruit?

yta, seriously, i graduated high school in '05 and fruits was used as a derogatory term for gays even then, plus virtually anything would have been a better wedding gift. hell, you could have slipped the cash in a card and it would have been better. i honestly don't understand your thought process at all. hell, my husband and i can't even eat fruit right now, so if someone gave that to us, i would be like gee, thanks.... who wants fruit?

nah - typically no registry means cash. everybody loves cash. i don’t think your gift was offensive. just really odd. there should already be food at the wedding, and what do you do with perishable food when you are about to leave on a honeymoon? a better gift would have been taking the happy couple out for dinner once they are back, a thoughtful card, a small gift card or small amount of cash, or even wine glasses and a cheaper bottle of wine.

BENIGN

i (18 f) was on my period last week and still living with my parents. my mom works a lot and she works late so that morning i had texted her asking for pads. she usually comes home at about 11, 11:30 pm and my dad had said that we were going to bed at 10:30 that night. since i had a history of doing things i shouldn't after my parents went to bed, my dad made me go to bed at the same time he does. at 10 he asked me to shower so as i went to do that, i stopped in his room to let him know i needed to stay up later to wait for my mom to bring me pads. he then said something along the lines of "you always find a reason to stay up later." it was basically a snarky comment about me wanting more time up. i was kind of shocked but he says stuff like this all the time. i turned around and said "are you serious?" to which he replied "yeah. i am." that was the line that got me pissed. by the tone of his voice you could already tell he wasn't joking but there was still always that 10% chance he was. fast forward a day or two and family dinner comes up. he again makes a snarky comment about me being on my period and that's why i was 'moody.' i decided to say something about that particular comment because i had tried to be extra repressive with my mood around him. i then educated him on the hormones and things that go along with a period besides the obvious. he was shocked and grounded me for 'inappropriate behavior.' so am i the asshole?

aita for embarrassing my dad at our family dinner

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wk2tjs/aita_for_embarrassing_my_dad_at_our_family_dinner/

2022-08-09 13:05:00

nta your father is seriously an ah for: 1) trying to dictate how late you are up at night….you’re 18, a legal adult. 2) making ignorant comments about women on their periods. 3) grounding you for educating his misogynistic self about basic biology.

nta - you're biologically programmed to bleed monthly - that's not your fault. also, for the other commenters who posted "wtf!? you're 18! move out! why is he dictating your life!?" she said she still lives at home and has a history of "doing things i shouldn't" - she's still living in their house. their rules. especially if there's a history. that being said, sanitary products are a basic human requirement. also though, why couldn't you have gone out to get some? or ask your dad to take you to the store if you can't drive...?

your 18! why the hell is your dad making you take showers and go to bed at 10.30?! nta

nta your father, a grown man, is acting more hormonal than you.

you're 18 yo what could you possibly be doing at night that your parents need to dictate bedtime still? nta for talking about your period in any context.

nta. do you need help? cause this is not a good environment, it's basically as if you're being punished for having your period. there are resources out there if you need them! reach out if you need assistance.

nta and why the hell do you have a bedtime at 18??? and he tells you when to shower? does he make sure you brushed your teeth too? get your own place, get some independence!

nta, and why does your father tell you when to shower or when to go to bed? you’re 18 years old, something is wrong here

nta. if he didn't want a discussion about periods, he should not have brought up the subject.

how do you ground an adult? please send your father a link to this thread so he can learn what an arsehole he is. no man should talk to his daughter or any woman that way about their period. what's his excuse for being moody if it's not hormones? nta

BENIGN

hey im 15m. i don’t know much about all that legal stuff, but my mom has her ways. she can be crazy sometimes and overspends so much. she wants to use my ss to take out a loan. once again, i don’t know how, but she has connections. i refused obviously because i don’t want my credit being affected before i can even get the chance to build it. i also told her i’d send her to jail for it if she even tries. she didn’t take this too well and made me feel guilty saying that she doesn’t have money and that she’s raised me my whole life. however, she just went shopping last week. i literally don’t like going out because i’m scared she’ll take my stuff and sell it. (she sold my old console about 2 yrs ago and claimed that i just lost it.) anyway, she didn’t buy my consoles, my older brother did. it’s just my mom and i at home since my other siblings moved out as soon as they had the chance. i don’t know, i feel like the jail part was a bit too harsh?

aita for refusing to let my mom use my social security?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jwi8cp/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_mom_use_my_social/

2020-11-18 15:53:37

nta,never give her permission to use your ss for anything, if she does you file any legal charges against her(doesn’t matter if she goes to jail) because only you will have to pay back what she spent not her!

nta your mom shouldn't be taking loans out in your name - no one should! you're a minor there's no reason for you to have loans. this is fraud. however. i'd be surprised if she doesn't already have this information so you should pop over to /r/personalfinance where they should be able to help you stop her from messing with your credit. i got no clue if you still being a minor changes how you'd have to do that

nta your mom is using identity theft to financially abuse you. she is likely addicted to shopping for the dopamine high. what she is doing is super wrong. you have a right to protect yourself.

nta, that's big identity theft. she takes out a loan, and leaves you with the debts. be careful, never give someone else your ss, keep it to yourself, no matter how much she gaslights you and guilttrips you.

nta- do not let her do it. i don’t know how old you have to be to use credit karma but if you can you should sign up to monitor your credit. she already ruined hers or she wouldn’t need yours.

nta but i imagine your mother knows your ssn already and if she wants to she will go ahead and do it. you might call the local police non-emergency to see what recourse you might have to stop this before it happens. maybe talk to your older siblings to see if they can help too. i'm sorry you're in this mess.

nta. don't ever let anyone use your ss!!! ever ever ever ever ever man. ever. that could set you up for so much failure in your future you don't even know. just don't do it man, ever.

nta. using a child's ssn to take out a loan is a big no-no. she cannot do that and you do not in any way owe it to her to tell her she can

nta. do not let her use your ss to take out a loan. not only does that count as fraud, but it can ruin your future financially. it wouldn't be a bad idea to make an account on credit karma (assuming you can, seeing as you're under 18) to verify that you don't already have loans out in your name.

nta. in fact, you’re being too nice. i would try my best to leave asap and live with other relatives. it’s clear she doesn’t care about your best interest.

TOXIC

i have absolutely no contact with my parents. i don't talk to them, i don't visit them, to be honest, i rather never see them again in my life. this might sound bad, but i do have my reasons. i was kicked out of my parent's house the day after my 18th birthday. my father claimed that an 18-year-old is already an adult, and they should be able to live by themselves. just a heads-up, i was still in high school when that took place. i worked part-time, but i couldn't afford housing. i slept on the streets for about a few weeks until i found a shelter. not only that, but i had too many rough days after that. the streets are no place for anyone, especially someone that young. through the help of some ngo's, i managed to finish school. get into a technical course for programming, and get a decent job. now, ten years after that, i just graduate college (i saved up to actually do that). however, i can't forgive my parents. i never contacted them, and they didn't contact me. that was until yesterday. somehow my family (uncle) got my phone contact and send me a message. my father is extremely sick, and it is likely that he might pass away in the next few days. my uncle told me that my father wanted to see me for a last time and asked if i could go there. **i said i would not go**. i absolutely resent and bear a grudge against my father and my mother. he kicked me out, and she did absolutely nothing to stop it. as you might assume, me uncle started to get heated and called me heartless, ungrateful and asshole among other things. i'm pretty sure most of my family feels the same way about me. honestly, i'm only asking here for my sanity's sake. i will not be meeting them, but i understand that the man is dying, and by not going i'm denying something to a dying man, which might make me an asshole. however, even if it does, i do not care. i rather be an asshole than see those two ever again.

aita for not meeting my dying father?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wcv15h/aita_for_not_meeting_my_dying_father/

2022-07-31 18:12:12

he’s an adult, he’s old enough to die on his own. f your uncle and f your dad. nta

nta. the day he kicked you out is the day you were no longer his child. and just because he's dying does not mean you have to forgive him for what he did. you have every right to not visit him. and he's most likely not gonna apologize and try to justify what he did.

nta - your parents did not support you the way parents should. he is not owed a visit. he will have to live (and die) with the consequences of his actions.

100% nta but… i’m a bit of a vindictive biatch at times so i’d visit, just once, to tell your dad that you wanted to check that he’s actually dying, and will never forgive him, and that you hope this haunts him until his last breath. earth scorched and salted. but you may need therapy if you go this route. in fact, you may need therapy regardless. good luck op and look after yourself.

nta they are not your family anymore, they are mere strangers. you own nothing to that man.

nta… he isn’t asking for you, so he can make peace with you. he’s asking for himself. he wants his peace before his death. just another selfish act. i think you are right in refusing to see him. he doesn’t deserve what he is asking for.

nta. the man was not interested in you while he was living. he does not get to ask for you while he's dying.

nta. if your father wanted to have the right to see you when he's dying, he should have treated you better when he had the chance.

nta. what you went through was horrible. as a father myself, i could not imagine turning any of my children out on their own if they needed me. it's simply not something i could ever consider, and you did not deserve this. however, i will say one more thing. i do not know what your father wants to say to you, or how he wants to interact with you if you were to go and see him. he \*may\* have realized his mistake and wishes to apologize. or something completely different. this is the \*only\* opportunity you'll ever have to meet with him again. if you do not take this chance now, you'll never know what he wanted, and you'll never have another opportunity. so, consider that. there is no wrong answer here, and you should do what you want to do and what you are comfortable with. just ensure that you will not regret your decision twenty years in the future.

nta. he's had time to see you or make amends you owe him nothing.

BENIGN

i’m 22f and i’m ready to get the heck out of this house. i want to move out but i’ve had the same argument with my parents over and over again about leaving. they constantly tell me i’m not “allowed” to move out and they do everything they can to fearmonger, guilt trip, and belittle me into staying. so i’ve already decided that i will be leaving and not telling them, as a result of their own actions and behaviors. i have many other reasons for leaving and if you’re curious about it, you can check my profile for more context clues. anyway, i plan on just walking out the door and leaving when everyone is not around and busy so no one can stop me. i have a text message already prepared to send to them once i am a good distance away from them. the thing is: they’ve given me the responsibility of cooking, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and also taking care of my sibling (feeding them, getting them ready for school, making them do their homework, etc). my father is always yelling at me to be outside to pick up and take my brother to the school stop every day. when i go through with my plan, i will be taking my sibling to the bus stop one last time and then leaving. this will leave every responsibility, including picking my sibling up from the school bus, on my parents’ shoulders. i truly believe none of this is my responsibility in the first place. i completely agree with the idea of doing chores around the house but demanding that your oldest child becomes a full time maid, chef, third parent, and more to make your life easier does not seem at all my responsibility. aita if i leave without saying anything for my own safety but leave them to take on everything they put on my shoulders unexpectedly?

aita for moving out and leaving my parents stuck with their own responsibilities?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xpw2az/aita_for_moving_out_and_leaving_my_parents_stuck/

2022-09-27 23:22:33

nta for leaving. but pleeease make arrangements so that your brother is not left unattended at the bus stop when he gets dropped off after school on the day you leave. none of what you are describing (or hinting at) is his fault.

nta it's not your responsibility to do any of that for them. if they were reasonable giving them notice would be polite...but it doesn't sound like they are reasonable. but make sure they know to pick up your sibling from the bus stop. a simple text saying you won't be able should be enough.

nta. if in the u.s. -- please make sure to grab all important documents before you go (birth certificate, ss card, etc). and please make arrangements for your sibling so they're not waiting alone at a bus stop after school.

nta. they are abusing you. those chores aren’t your responsibility. leave as soon as you can and live your life!

nta. good luck and please report back to let us all know how happy and free you feel!

**nta** make sure your bank accounts are inaccessible by them and they don’t have authority on any other aspects of your life like health insurance or whatever - revoke all accesses before you go

nta- just go and i wouldn't worry about a text message and make sure they can't track your phone. your 22 they can't keep you from leaving, you can call the cops and they will tell you the same thing. go and don't look back, maybe get some therapy.

nta. your dad is abusive and i am so sorry. you need to cut him out of your life completely. he is obviously going to use any in you give him to continue to try to control you and spin every misstep you make into a clarion call to come back home. info: do you have your money in bank accounts that you are the only account holder? if not, go out, open one at a different bank than your current one, and move all your money there. do you have your own phone plan? if not, go start one today, get a new number, and give it out to only people you trust who can't be intimidated into giving it up. any prescriptions? go get your refills now and keep them on your person. call any place that you go to or use and let them they know that you absolutely don't want them to let your parents know anything about you. he will try to pressure them for information or cancel things to mess with you. your dad's intimidation is only going to amp up once you move out so give him as little leverage as possible.

i completely hope you go through with this!! you do not owe them anything you're definitely not responsible for their children. i had to sneak out of my parents house at your age while they was at church (i told them i was taking a different car because i'm late and still getting ready), there was no amenable way of leaving, just unhappy trapped adult. and they will be furious that they are losing their servant child... they sound absolutely toxic. i promise you'll be so much happier with freedom. i hope the best for you. nta!!

nta. but please give your sibling a proper goodbye. you're basically their parent and they're going to feel terribly abandoned (not your fault).

BENIGN

i 21 female am turning 22 on saturday. i have an older sister 30. my sister has 2 kids (7f and 2f). for the last 2 years when it was time to do the cake my niece would blow out the candles and my parents would end up having to relight them and the cycle happened again. last year was my final straw since we ended up putting a mask over her mouth to prevent her from blowing out the candles it ended up in a screaming match. this year i made the rule no children. my sister says its unfair and that's just what kids do and they should be having fun aswell. i told her straight, it's my birthday, my day to blow out candles and i don't do this at her daughters birthday. my sister said if her children can't come she won't come. so aita.

aita for not wanting my nieces at my birthday?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zfsr1m/aita_for_not_wanting_my_nieces_at_my_birthday/

2022-12-08 07:56:00

nta that's not what kids just do. that's what undisciplined, unmannered kids do when they have asshole parents who don't parent them.

nta i've always thought it's bizarre that some parents are incapable of teaching their children...stuff. "it's not your birthday, it's not your turn to blow out the candles. you blow them out on your birthday, not on anyone else's." tell her if she's incapable of parenting her kids, it's fine that none of them come. note: don't actually tell her that, it'll probably start wwiii!

nta. kids need to learn boundaries and that the world doesn't center around them. if your sister won't teach them that, then that's on her. niece is gonna be pretty unpopular if she pulls that crap at other kid's birthday parties tbh.

nta, and your sister is a bad parent who is setting her children up for failure with her “give them what they want so i don’t have to hear them fuss” style of “parenting.” my cousin has kids like this, and she has two kids under the age of 5… she raised them both with the expectations that they get whatever they want, even from each other. they’re not invited to any family gatherings anymore and their mother finally noticed the family stopped interacting with her kids at all. even the other nibbling the same age refuse to have anything to do with them because of how they act. your sister is setting her daughter up to be a bully, she’s setting her up to be alienated and just… rotten to the core.

i’m pushing 70 and have never seen anyone blow out another’s candles. shame on the mom for allowing this. nta

nta, wouldn't want to have children either at my 22nd birthday.

nta. hold it at a bar if everyone else is above age. then if she tries to bring them anyways you won’t have to kick them out, they’ll take care of it for you. second option, blow out the candles at your nieces next party, or convince her younger sister to, make sure to add some extra spit like kids do, maybe your niece will learn that way if your sister isn’t willing to teach her.

nta my daughter is 3 and she blew out her friends candles two years ago and when told that "birthday candles are meant to be blown out my the person who's birthday it is so they can make a birthday wish and feel specail" my daughter said sorry without prompting and cried thinking she had ruined her friends birthday (friend was 6 so understood, relit cake no harm done). yes a 2year old would do it once as they don't know any better but it's the parents job to actual parent thier child and help them learn these things. the 7yr should know better.

nta you can text sister about how the party went after it’s over x

nta. i say good riddance.

TOXIC

this happened last night. my friend, lets call her lily(f23), invited me(m24) to a party that her friend(not relevent) was throwing. i decided to go with her because i rarely see her in person and she had been complaining about it. she was the only person i knew there. i am very introverted and i get emotionally drained very fast at crowded events and such. i stuck by lily for a couple of hours and socialized with who ever she talked to. at some point, i needed some air and told lily that i was going to step out for a minute and that i would be back. i was outside for about 10 minutes. when i came back in, lily was nowhere to be found. i looked for her everywhere people were allowed to be(which was all of the downstairs, we were told the upstairs was off limits) before giving up. i texted her several times. no answer. i was getting a bit worried. i asked around and someone said she had gone upstairs with some other dude. now i was just a bit annoyed. who invites a friend to a party after complaining that we never see each other in person, then goes off with some other dude? i texted her that i was leaving and called myself an uber. today she called me. she yelled at me for not saying anything to her in person before i left. i told her that i sent her a text. she yells at me more and calls me an ah before hanging up. am i an ah?

aita for leaving a party without saying anything in person to the friend who brought me?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2cr2d/aita_for_leaving_a_party_without_saying_anything/

2022-07-18 22:53:45

nta she chose to get laid instead of hanging out with you.

i'm leaning towards esh. you're right, she shouldn't have abandoned you to go somewhere private with another guy when the point of going to the party together was to hang out with each other. that makes her an ah. but you shouldn't have left her. you didn't hear from her when she disappeared. you couldn't reach her. you say you were worried, but you left her. bad things happen to girls at parties. did you stop to wonder if her disappearing with a guy was consensual? it was fine this time, but it could've not been. maybe it's because i'm a woman that i think this way, but you don't leave friends behind at parties. you could've sat down and waited a bit for a reply. it comes across like you were bitter about her leaving you, so you left her too. that's ah behavior. look out for your friends better.

nta- you tried to locate her and couldn't. it sounded like she knew a lot of people there, so she was probably safe too.

nta.

nta, she literally chose getting laid over spending time with you and then tried to flip it and make it your fault? time to make her a ex friend imo.

i'm sorry, but all the ta posts are clearly ignoring the major thing here, his friend knew the people at the party. quite clearly she is comfortable with them, and quite clearly unless said friend invited some dodgy people, she was safe. op is nta, how long do you wait at a party when you know less people than fingers on your hand, while his friend knows almost everyone else?

nta, if she was no where to be found, you tried and gave her a few calls and courtesy texts

nta. you could have walked in the room while she was having sex to tell her your were leaving.

nta. this has fuck all to do with gender, and more to do with *inviting a friend out and then abandoning them when they know literally nobody else there.* if i was op and a friend of mine did this, i’d boogie on outta there too. she didn’t give you a verbal warning that she was gonna disappear for a while to get her rocks off, so the hypocrisy here is truly astounding. edit to add: the infantilization of op’s friend just because she’s a woman ain’t cute either. she’s presumably an adult who made her own selfish decision at a party full of *her* friends, who presumably would have her back in case of an emergency.

nta. you tried to contact her, you had reason to believe she would be ok. as others have pointed out there wasn't much else you could do. i don't get why she was angry.

BENIGN

i (mid 20s f) have pcos. for those who may not know what that is, it’s a health condition that involves cysts on the ovaries. it really sucks. because i wasn’t diagnosed until a few years ago, i struggled through a long period of cystic acne, unwanted beard hair, hair loss, and other issues that resulted in me becoming extremely self conscious. i’m very sensitive about my skin in particular. while i’m thankfully on medications that keep my skin almost entirely under control, i do still have a lot of scars to go along with the occasional breakout. last weekend i got my period, which sucked because i had plans to go out with friends (things are almost completely back to normal where i live and have been for months). i also developed a giant zit right in the middle of my chin, as is common for that time of the month. i felt incredibly shitty and ugly. however, i knew i’d just continue to spiral over my appearance if i hid out at home all weekend, so i put on my my loosest fitting dress and went out. enter “dean”. dean is one of those people in the friend circle who isn’t super well liked but always seems to tag along for group outings anyway because everyone is too polite to say otherwise. within five minutes of me walking in and sitting down, dean was on my case. announcing that i looked tired. announcing that i looked “puffy”. loudly noticing my zit and asking if he should buy “my guest” a drink “to be polite” when i tried to walk away from him. it was genuinely all i could do not to cry. this was so humiliating and one of my biggest insecurities. so i pulled up a medical picture of a cystic ovary on google images. i started explaining it in detail. i started talking about how pcos affects my flow. i talked about how the color of the blood on my pads  changes over the cycle. and i finally explained that this condition does indeed cause all of the things he was commenting on. dean, of course, told me i was being a gross out queen and scooted off to another table, where he was joined by another friend’s boyfriend. he then made gagging noises whenever we made eye contact for the rest of the night. the rest of the table was split. we ended up having what i felt was a decent night but i’ve both seen dean making some passive aggressive facebook statuses and received some texts from friends to the effect of needing to apologize for “making people feel nauseous on a night out” with my “er documentary script”. i feel like dean got what was coming for nonstop making fun of me for things i couldn’t control. was ita?

aita for sharing intimate details about my body and period on a night out?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ka6087/aita_for_sharing_intimate_details_about_my_body/

2020-12-10 01:57:42

nta. your friends should have pulled him up on that. that shit is rude. don't comment on someone's appearance if they can't change it in five seconds, and even then, don't make the person feel bad wtf. aka something stuck in teeth or hair etc.

nta. can *i* buy you a drink? ask the people giving you a hard time where they were when dean was bringing down the mood with his insults, and strongly consider limiting your outings with this friend group to the ones who are actually worth spending time with going forward.

ahh the joys of being a woman. i’m going to go with nta. personally, i probably wouldn’t have done that in front of everyone, but it sounds like he had that one coming. by the way, everyone is still beautiful with some acne! we’re human, and it happens. but dean can shove it.

nta: fuck that guy. you are my shero

nta, you're not there to babysit people through being decent about physical results of a disabling condition. dean is ta and your friends should respect you standing up for yourself. it is childish that dean and co are so disgusted by your pcos reality, and that they think that in a situation where he opens with repeated insults on your appearance and following that you're not supposed to give him the facts about how and why it literally hurts, is inherently flawed.

nta. dean was asking for some serious schooling, and brava to you for giving it to him.

because of your title i was gonna go with y t a because if some things you just don’t say out in public if others can hear but jeez this guy sucks. nta. that’ll teach him to mind his own business

nta. dean sounds like an insufferable assclown.

nta. dean's a total douche.

nta - i feel your pain, literally, i had it too as a teen....hopefully you are seeing a specialist...i got help and things improved. that guy, is a terrible person and immature.

TOXIC

i(28f), have a 6-yr-old with my ex, rob(30m). we broke up when she was 2. it was very messy at first but we're friends and work hard to get along for the sake of being good co-parents. 2 years ago, i met jim(38m) and we've been living together for a year. he's good with my child and rob is comfortable with him. rob has two 10-year-olds with his ex. last year, rob started dating anne (26/27f). i've met her many times (rob and i want to make sure any future partners around our child are decent people) and gotten to know her a bit. she's a sweet person, and my kid feels safe around her so that puts me at ease. they're living together and i want to maintain a good relationship because my child will be spending a lot of time with her and also, she's carrying her sibling. i know that this year has been hard, and i wanted to do a nice thing for them since they're expecting so i put together a small package with some baby stuff and some care stuff for anne. i spent around $80 and added some things which i used when my girl was an infant, in decent condition, which i thought she might find useful. jim and i don't want any more kids so we don't need any of this stuff. both anne and rob were happy with the gifts. jim blew up at me for giving them the gifts and has been accusing me of abusing our finances, trying to make him jealous and sending my ex signs that i'm still interested in him. he's demanding that i reach out to rob and ask for the gifts back. i think this is ridiculous. it's literally stuff for their baby! rob has bought jim's children gifts for their birthdays. i asked him why he didn't take those away and he stormed off. we both work. he has his money, i have mine and we have a joint account for some things. i used my personal money but he says i'm being disrespectful for not asking first. i said that maybe that would be a valid argument if we were having money troubles, but we're not. i don't understand why i need permission to spend my own money on a baby shower gift. he's refused to talk to me until i agree to take the gifts back and promise to ask first before spending money on rob's family except our child. i asked about the old baby stuff that i didn't buy new and he claims that anything with financial value must be cosigned on. i pointed out that some of the stuff was technically paid for by rob as well when we had our kid, and this only made him angrier. he's also insisting that he be the one to do pickups/dropoffs for my daughter because iinappropriate and that i'm overly friendly with an ex. i don't want to agree to this and now he has his family calling and texting me to say that i'm the ah for disrespecting him. i don't understand this need to be hostile with an ex if they're not a shit person but now i'm wondering if there is some line i've crossed that i don't know about. tl;dr: my boyfriend is mad at me for giving my ex and his gf a baby shower gift with my own money.

aita for giving my ex's girlfriend baby shower gifts

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k1htbb/aita_for_giving_my_exs_girlfriend_baby_shower/

2020-11-26 16:08:11

nta. having a decent relationship with the ex seems like a great thing for the kids. he seems jealous.

nta. you are friends with your children’s stepmother/future stepmother and it’s not like you spent an outrageous amount of money. plus as you say they have bought his kid’s presents which they had no obligation to do. jim can get over himself or get out. seriously, he’s being a jerk. he doesn’t get to require you to ask him first. and that whole “you’re trying to get your ex back” is idiotic. yeah you seduce a man by giving the mother of his child baby shower gifts. that’s sure to make him come running back. actually maybe he should just get out. anyone who blows up like that sounds like someone who is a control freak and could end up being abusive. at the least keep your finances, including your cellphone, separate. and don’t forget about email, any ability to trace the gps on your phone/car etc separate. that way if he does turn out to be a controlling a-hole you can bolt asap.

"rob and i want to make sure any future partners around our child are decent people " ​ nta. stick to your guiding principles.

nta. he has been in your life for a year and he’s: 1. telling you how to spend your money, and how you can use your own possessions 2. dictating how you interact with your ex, and co parent your child 3. informing family and friends a version of events that has them attacking you 4. refusing to effectively communicate, using silent treatment to modify your behaviour 5. accusing you of fictional abuse, and nebulous ‘disrespect’ dump him.

nta. also, major red flags for your relationship with jim. it feels like he is trying to control your finances and your contact with other people and that is not ok. you are not having money troubles, $80 is not a ridiculous high amount. i would understand it if you were having money troubles and you had just "splurged" on something that was unnecessary, but this is not ok. this is not ok. i would advise you to sit down with him and put an end to this type of behavior before it escalates.

nta. red flags! 🚩🚩🚩 run!

nta jim is not a good partner. even though he’s a decade older than you, he’s the one who is being immature and insecure. it’s amazing that you have such a lovely relationship with your ex, his gf, and children! you’ve created a great family for your son! don’t let some jealous controlling bf ruin that! i’m especially perturbed by his not wanting you to drop off/pick up your own kid! so many red flags.

nta. these are some serious red flags. it sounds like you have already mixed family and finances a lot, but it's only going to get harder to leave as more time passes. i would really start thinking about if you can live with jim's controlling and jealous behavior, and if you want your kid around it. good luck.

nta 1. it’s not his money 2. not every breakup has to be messy. i get that for most people it would probably be really uncomfortable for their so to be really good friends with an ex, but from what i’ve read it’s mainly for the benefit of the kids. besides, you’re not even giving your ex a gift, you’re giving anna a gift. ask jim: would he reject a gift that rob gets him?

nta. how many red flags do you need before you see this as abnormal behavior? i’d highly weigh the risk before he asks you to marry him. this is some odd stuff

BENIGN

my boyfriend of 7 months texted me during the week to say that he was sick. right away i went to the store and got him a bunch of stuff, cooked him a homemade meal, went to his place and did my best to make him feel better. the next morning he asked what i was doing that day and i said i had my senior night (i'm graduating this semester) - it's been planned and i've already made commitments to people going, reservations, etc. he was upset and said that he would "do anything for me, but i wouldn't even take care of him when he was sick", and that made him worried about the future. i feel that this is unfair - if i didn't have standing commitments, or even if it was something i could easily cancel, of course i would take care of him (and i'm worried about him and want him to feel better), but i only graduate from college once and it didn't seem reasonable to cancel my senior night and bail on friends on the day of just because he got sick. i think as an adult he should be capable of taking care of himself for a night - considering it's just normal sickness - without relying on me to "take care of him" 24/7. this whole thing spiraled into an argument and things have been weird since. this is my first serious relationship and i honestly don't know what to think. we talked about it and i would never expect someone to drop their whole life or cancel plans with others just because i happened to get sick (maybe unless it was like a life-threatening illness or similar). i'm worried that he might have unrealistic expectations about the relationship, or else i'm just completely in the wrong here.

aita for not cancelling my plans when my boyfriend got sick?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/msr5uc/aita_for_not_cancelling_my_plans_when_my/

2021-04-17 13:54:13

nta you hooked him up with everything he’ll need to survive *one day* without you. your outlook is healthy, his isn’t and it’s incredibly controlling. honestly out of the two of you, it’s you who needs to worry about the future. what happens if you get a high demand job? can’t call in sick if he gets the flu. what if you ever have kids together? guess you have one more. he’s a grown adult and should be more than able to not only take care of himself, but to also understand your obligations and why you shouldn’t miss such a big moment in your life. this is your *senior night*, not some random tuesday night out.

nta and the line about how this makes him worry for your future together comes off as extremely manipulative.

nta - this is rather manipulative on his part. where’s the red flags... 🚩 🚩

nta. his behavior was so manipulative that i would question if he was actually sick or not. you have a special event scheduled that highlights your accomplishments (and the accomplishments of your fellow classmates) and he’s suddenly so sick you’re supposed to cancel your plans to take care of him? nah. he doesn’t want you feeling proud of yourself or your accomplishments. why? manipulation and control. if this makes him question the relationship, you should question it too. let him go. you need someone to uplift you not tear you down.

nta you did a lot already. if he needs a mom he can call his mom.

nta. this is what we call a big red flag. he expects you to drop something that's major for you. all so you can feed him acetaminophen and pat his back when he moans with man-flu. i'd say run!

nta. he says he is worried about the future. lol. you are the one who should be worried about any future with him. he does have unrealistic expectations. from what you said, you know this. he is being selfish and is looking for someone to wait on him. is this the future you want. go to your event guilt free. think about if this is a relationship you want to be in. don't think you can change him. many make this mistake.

nta if he is so unwell he needs constant supervision, he should be in the hospital. you and him are adults. you are allowed to do your own things and he needs to learn to take care of himself

nta ...and to anyone who thinks this is the normal behaviour of blokes his age, that is 100% not the case. when i was in my late teens and early twenties none of my boyfriends behaved like this (then again their mothers would have trained them early i.e. take an aspirin and get on with it). this is the behaviour of some spoiled child who thinks the world revolves around him. what did he do when he was ill before you were on the scene? did he just muscle on through, like most people do (in my experience), or did he go snuffling back to mummy? if he were a man (and not a chadult) he'd thank you for what you'd done, tell you to go and get yourself dressed up and have a great night with your friends. as others have said, you're the one who should be worried about the future especially as he's trying to guilt trip you and emotionally manipulate you. there are plenty of great blokes out there you don't have to settle for this one.

have you heard of covid? none of what you described should be happening. everyone is the asshole.

BENIGN

i have always hated my grandpa on my dad's side. the first time i met him as a kid, he smashed most of my toys because he said i didn't deserve them. he never bothered to learn my name (he just calls me 'older' and my brother 'younger'.) every time i've met him at a family gathering he's bullied a kid into crying. plus, he never shuts up about how great he is, how great china is and how great mao is. like, never ever. my family went to visit some cousins (in a group of 6, don't worry) and we got some news that grandpa was very ill and had two strokes. so i said "well, you know what they say, third time's the charm." everyone got super shocked and started telling me off. they said i should never make jokes like that, no matter how horrible the person is. aita?

aita for making a dark joke about my horrible grandpa?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j9o6og/aita_for_making_a_dark_joke_about_my_horrible/

2020-10-12 10:03:36

nta (he sounds horrible and gallows humour is gold) plus, that made me laugh out loud 😂

yta but only kind of an asshole, and understandably and asshole. i’m only going yta, since you said it to a bunch of people who may not know your history with horrible grandpa (if you’d said it to him i would be saying n -t-a). but quick thinking on the joke though, that’s hilarious

yta, but i don't blame you. it just wasn't the right time or crowd. i thought your joke was funny, but dark humour isn't for everyone. different strokes for different folks.

nta but execution could of been better 😂

yta (softly) he is obviously a huge nasty asshole. it sounds like there’s very few if any redeeming features about him. however, that doesn’t mean you also have to be an asshole...that’s a choice you get to make about how you act and is separate to anyone else’s behaviour.

nta. if they didn't want dark jokes, they should have protected you when you were a child. may a thousand flowers bloom on his grave.

nta that’s funny as heck

yta--but the kind of a that i like.

nta, as someone who had a grandmother similar to your grandfather, i completely understand. my brother always told my parents (when asking if he’d attend holidays) that the next time he wanted to see her was in her casket. i made jokes the entire time right before her death about if it would actually happen this time (she’d been “deathly ill” since i was born, i’m now 24).

nta bullying a kid and destroying his properties isnt okay either. but nobody told your grandfather off then, did they ? and for what it's worth your joke was pretty darn funny as well.

BENIGN

i’m 16. my dad decided recently i should get a job to learn the value of money and he would stop paying for everything but the necessities (food, shelter, basic clothes) and everything else (wifi, new clothes, going out, etc) i’d have to earn. what he failed to account for is a) i don’t really care about clothes b) my friends and i don’t hang out anywhere that costs money c) my best friend lives literally next door, so i can use his wifi. besides i have more important things to work on— i have an internship this summer, and college essays to work on. so i basically told him ‘lol no’. the thing is, my family has an annual tradition of going on a road trip every summer. however as per my dad’s rules, i’d have to pay my own money. ofc, since i didn’t get a job, i can’t go, and my dad’s too stubborn to budge. my mom tells me he’s bummed i can’t go and i should just give in to make him happy. i said no because a) he’s the one that implemented the rules, so if anybody should relent it’s him b) even if i had the money i wouldn’t go, as i have more important things to do. my mom thinks i’m ta. am i?

aita for refusing to get a job and not going anywhere?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o1pwht/aita_for_refusing_to_get_a_job_and_not_going/

2021-06-17 05:55:17

nta this kinda shit honestly is so frustrating to me. you're sixteen, and your dad is already trying to turn you into an adult. getting a job is a good thing, but the way he's forcing it on you when he is still legally and morally responsible for your wellbeing is not right. also, he's making you pay for wifi? in this day and age (especially in covid times) wifi is a necessity, and it's prohibitively expensive for someone who can only work a part time minimum wage job (i.e. a minor). this isn't good parenting, this is him using you as a child laborer. tl;dr yah getting a job is good but him forcing your hand by limiting your access to shit you need is fucked up

nta - if you're doing a 30 hour per week internship you are working. it is unpaid work but you are working. i'm not sure why your dad would ask you to get a 36 or 40 hour per week job (which will probably be retail or the like) when you are doing a 30 hour per week internship in the field you're applying to college for. does the internship run for the majority of the summer?

nta. your dad drove a wedge between you and then...got upset because that big old wedge is there? weird.

nta what the heck is wrong with you people? this is a 16 year old kid. one who has an internship and is preparing for college. in nearly every study done, teens with jobs end up doing worse in school because their focus becomes the job rather than their studies. withholding wifi, not purchasing clothes, and preventing op from going on a family trip isn't cool. and op isn't being entitled. these are things parents are supposed to provide. op is still a kid, and even if they were 18 and a legal adult i'd still say nta with the rest of the context (internship and college) provided.

i don't really see how it's your father's place to "decide" you should get a job. that is your decision and yours alone, especially since you're below the age of 18. him wanting to teach you the value of money is understandable, but excluding you from a family holiday is just too much. moreover, by prioritising your internship and applications you did the right thing (as far as i am concerned), because that might pay off in the future! and lastly, you're only sixteen. you'll have plenty of time to learn such things and to get "established" in the world of adulting. your father is overreacting while you're being reasonable by prioritising your education and career. nta.

nta. you have your internship and essays. your dad is still legally responsible for paying your stuff, and he's just decided not to.

nta. finding a job to pay for something special (expensive sneakers or something like that) or to save a little extra for college is a great learning experience. but making you get a job to pay for anything but food and shelter is a real ah-move.

nta. feels like malicious compliance lol.

nta. if you don’t want the things he won’t pay for you’re fine

i’m all for learning the value of money, but does he understand that you are a minor in his care and it is literally his job to provide for you? and, the internship and college prep is a job. he has one, maybe two, more summers with you to take on vacation and he’s pulling this shit? what a colossal jerk. nta.

TOXIC

ok so i (m26) have been with my wife (f25) for 3 years. she knows i like journaling a lot. i like to log my workouts and write out how i’m feeling about things. it’s really helpful for me and helps me with remembering stuff. i’m super forgetful so writing stuff down helps me memorize things. yesterday i caught her looking at my journal and i got really upset. i have nothing to hide and she definitely knows that after reading my journal but still i don’t like it. she said that she just wanted to see what i’ve been writing b about. i told her it’s like me searching her phone. it’s an invasion of privacy in my opinion. i’m still upset at her but i’m not showing it. am i in the wrong here? sorry for the typos i’m on mobile

aita for getting mad at my wife for looking through my journal despite not having personal info in it

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u92yzq/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_wife_for_looking/

2022-04-22 01:33:26

nta there's still a reasonable amount of privacy one should expect when married. did she even ask?

nta. it’s your journal, she should respect your privacy.

nta but your wife was in the wrong. on top of that, her excuse is that she just wanted to see what you're writing? she could have asked you instead of sneaking a peek behind your back. you have every right to be upset. trust is so important in a relationship and she just broke it. she's going to have to earn it back but even then, you'll always remember this. if you are having trouble forgiving her and moving forward, i highly recommend marriage counseling and a lock on your private journal.

nta it doesn’t matter what you journal, everyone knows a journal is private and married people are still allowed a level of privacy. source: happily married for 41 years.

yeah this is weird. a journal is more likely to contain personal information than not... like it's a diary. by coincidence, you don't use it that way. but she should have asked!! this was really rude and a big boundary cross. nta

nta. it’s just common sense that you don’t read someone’s journal without permission. it is very much like going through someone’s phone - invasive and rude unless you’ve been invited.

nta. you've written stuff down in there, regardless of content, and that makes it personal. unless you specifically hand the journal to your wife and say "here you can read it" then she invaded your privacy. you're absolutely correct with the phone analogy. i'm not sure what conversations you two have had about this journal leading up to this, if she's asked or not, or if you've mentioned not wanting to see it, so i can kind of understand her thinking it's no big deal. you said that you're not showing your angry, but i hope you two can sit down and have a discussion on why what she did was wrong. yeah i think it was an ah move on her part, but i think this is something you guys can work on.

nta. it’s common sense to not read someone’s journal behind their back. married or not. ask permission. i learned that when i was a kid, it’s called respect of privacy.

nta. her genuine curiosity doesn’t override your right to your privacy. she had no right to read your journal and you definitely have a right to be upset about it. i hope she can realise that she overstepped a boundary and needs to apologise.

nta. it’s not about the content, but about the fact that she failed to respect you and your privacy. the fact that she went behind your back and read your journal anyway, shows that she’s insecure and doesn’t trust you.

BENIGN

i, 18(f), have two younger siblings 16(f) and 14(m). for context, let me describe my home life and who i am. growing up, my parents were strict with me and would expect the greatest out of me. i need to get all as, from the minute elementary school gave me letter grades to middle and high school, even onwards. no sleepovers, no weekend hangouts, no this, no that. you get the picture. i was expected to take jokes about my weight, my disorders, etc... my siblings never had to deal with this, which i am happy with, i have ran out of the house multiple times due to stress, where it got to the point that cps showed up at my house. even with all of this, my brother is the most insufferable part of living in this family. i can deal with my parents, but my brother is another story. he calls my sister and me b*tches, lies about us, calls us names, claims we single him out, and tried to get us in trouble every moment he gets. it would be a normal sibling rivalry if it wasn’t for the fact that my parents give him very few consequences, so his entitlement and anger have only grown. it's ramadan, so we don't eat and drink from sunset until sundown. so you can only imagine how thirsty and hungry i am when it is finally time to eat. my brother cleans the table and the drinks within 5 minutes. there are no seconds and sometimes very few firsts for my sister and me. i give my mother credit for trying to stop my brother sometimes so my sister and i have food, but my dad just sits there (he eats goat liver and kidney and my brother hates that). i use my own money (working at that "smelly, low-income, stupid job" as my brother calls it) to buy my favorite food for my birthday. he ate it. my gifts. he destroyed them and ate the candies. he consistently plagiarizes, cheats, fights, and disturbs others in his school. he uses derogatory language against others. and today he told me that i am a good-for-nothing bitch who is fat, and ugly, and decided to go to a state school because i know i can't achieve anything greater. this angered me, not because the state school is good and i worked my butt off in high school for that school, but because my dad said nothing. my mom was furious and told my brother off. my brother flipped out, threw my food, spit in my drink, and ran off. my dad chased him and brought him home with food. i was furious and i told my dad that he raised an abusive, awful son. my dad took my brother's half-eaten meal as a peace offering to me, but i was livid. i might have overreacted and told my dad i will never speak to him again until i feel respected in this house, and he was visibly upset. my mother and my aunts tell me that i went too far and i should apologize to my dad, but my grandmother (dad's side) and my sister told me that it was only a matter of time i stood up to them. so, am i the a-hole for telling my parents this? sorry for the long story, just mad right now. and apologies if my story sounds juvenile.

wibta for telling my parents they raised their son wrong?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ucsl3p/wibta_for_telling_my_parents_they_raised_their/

2022-04-27 01:57:44

you might want to let your dad know that his son is going to end up in prison if he doesn't change his ways. nta your home life sounds borderline abusive.

nta - your brother learned that behavior from somewhere, is your dad like that with women? it sounds like you’re mom is trying, might be best if she took you and your sister and got away. there is help available. is it a cultural thing (i know/have heard that in some cultures the men are treated like kings and women basically like servants)

nta - good on you for standing up for yourself, your brother needs to learn this lesson now before he gets out in the big bad world because he will undoubtedly mouth off to the wrong person and the consequences will be far worse. your dad needs to realise this as well and stop being so spineless!

nta. sounds like you've suffered abuse your whole life, and i'm honestly kind of proud of you for saying something about it

nta. brother sounds like a genuinely bad person and as the target of (seemingly most of) his behavior, you have every right to say that. i genuinely can't imagine letting a 14-year-old(!) treat family like this with no consequences. what right does this literal child have to talk about your job?

nta well, your brother is definitely an ah, but you aren't. with that being said, i think you need to try having a conversation with your parents when your emotions aren't running high and letting them know how you feel. because if you were able to hurt his feelings, and he tried to offer you some sort of peace offering, i don't think it's that your father doesn't *care* about your feelings. maybe he just genuinely doesn't know how you feel, i mean outside of you going off on him...

nta 14yo boys can be especially cruel and selfish, i hope your family learns to respect you.

nta. when you said ramadan, i understand. one of my best friends from high school is muslim and female, the oldest in the family. her parents treated her like shit but let her brothers do whatever they wanted. your family doesn’t deserve you. you deserve better.

nta. every person deserves respect. you've taken much, and finally said a piece of what's been on your mind for a long, long time. congratulations for building to that effort; in the long run, it will benefit you far more than it costs.

nta get out of your abusive household, find a form of islam that doesn’t encourage this sort of misogyny, and cut all contact with your family. in shaitan’s holy name, you deserve better.

TOXIC

my sister is in the age group where she has her periods and she has downsyndrome. she needs help with everything and usually my mother does it but lately she wants me to help out more with taking care of my sister. this would be fine with meals and house cleaning (which i already do) but she wants me help with the hygiene and i have severe ocd. i can't even touch my own body without feeling disgusting, when other people touch me, i feel like i need to shower for an hour in hot water. the mere thought of it makes my skin crawl and i can't handle it. i don't touch anything public with my bare hands and i don't use public transportation. i don't even ride in my friend's cars. i am in therapy for it but it's very slow and stressful. my mother knows about this and was even the one to take me to get diagnosed but she thinks i need to get over it because it's my sister and she wants help with her. but that would involve touching another person (and get close to private parts) and the idea of it sends me into near panics. i don't think i can bring myself to do it and i feel like an asshole for it. aita?

aita for not wanting to take care of my disabled sister?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sm6h4e/aita_for_not_wanting_to_take_care_of_my_disabled/

2022-02-06 20:21:56

nta. i really hope she's not going to turn into the type of mom that's going to want you to permanently take care of your sister when you get older because that's not fair to you. i know this is jumping the gun but please make sure she has other plans for her later in life. it is not your job to help out with your sister in that way. you are her sister not her mother.

how old are you? regardless, you are not your sister's parent nor her caregiver. your mother is trying to parentify you, which is a form of abuse. if she keeps trying to force you, tell someone. you did not give birth to your sister, so you are not obligated to be responsible for her. especially for such intimate tasks! nta a thousand times over.

nta - doing your sister’s personal care/hygiene is not your responsibility, regardless of your ocd — that just makes it even more cruel or her to ask that of you. if she really can’t handle it, she can hire a home care nurse or a respite care company to help out every once in a while.

nta, but your mom is, especially for knowing what you're in therapy for and for telling you to "just get over it." ultimately, your sister is not your obligation - it is your parents/moms - unsure if the father is in the picture as you didn't mention him. i'd honestly stay firm in telling her no. you're willing to help with some things, but not that. i also suggest speaking with your therapist about perhaps having a family session - you, your mom, and your therapist - about this issue.

nope, nta. dont let someone shame you into doing something that you dont want to do. mental health is important and it sounds like doing this task would make your life hell. your mother doesn't sound very understanding of the situation despite helping you get your diagnosis. i can understand that taking care of a disabled child could be extremely overwhelming, but that doesn't make it your responsibility. is there any way that she could get a helper through government assistance?

nta ​ how old are you? move out as soon as you can. **you are being groomed to be your sisters lifelong caretaker.** ​ "i don't think i can bring myself to do it and i feel like an asshole for it. " - **the guilting is on purpose, and is an important part of what your mother is doing.** she is actively trying to make you feel that way, to train you over the years to feel too much guilt when you even think of leaving and getting free of them to actually do it. - the plan is to keep you from having a life of your own, and actually thinking you can not be your sister's caretaker. ​ so refuse to let yourself be drawn into that, leep your escape plan up, even if it has to be secret. and when you move out, leave your sister with your parents. she is their child.

nta. you have a diagnosed medical condition that makes it distressing for you. and even if you didn't, you shouldn't be made to handle another person's bodily waste products without your consent. your mother can ask, but you have every right to say no and she needs to respect that.

nta she's not your kid, she's your sister. you're not obligated to help. your mum shouldn't be asking you too help, especially considering she knows why you don't want too.

nta, this is not your job and she is making your health worse. its also about time to talk to a doctor to get your sister an implant, its stops periods and make puberty less of a problem and easier to help sister in the long term and you need more proper counseling and tratement

nta, it is not your duty to help care for your sister. that is your mom's job, she decided to have your sister.

TOXIC

backstory: my brother and i don’t really have a good relationship to begin with. he was a bully and basically made my and my siblings life hell. we all hated him. as an adult, he ended up having an accident (not his fault) and almost died. once that happened, i think everyone kinda reset their relationship with him. there was never a real, sit-down, “i’m sorry for being a huge jerk” apology from him, but he seemed to be a better person. we’ve been on better terms for a while now. fast forward to the present. my brother (and most of my family, tbh) are on the other side of the political spectrum than i am. for the most part, my parents talk and debate policies, but we all realize the relationship is more important, so it never devolved into name calling nor do our views negatively impact our relationship. not my brother. i made a political fb post a few months ago, go to sleep, and i wake up to like 10 missed messages from my brother just berating me, like “how dare i? my views are an affront to white people. grandpa would be rolling in his grave, blah, blah, blah.” and i’m basically, “that’s fine, but at least i’m living the life i wanna live. get over it.” but then he starts bringing up stuff in my past (in which i was basically disowned from the extended family for like 13 years and not invited to any family functions. that whole situation effed me up for a long time.) and saying that i deserved to be treated like that, and that’s why no one ever wanted me around. and, honestly, i just lost it. he knew that shit was hurtful when he typed it, and for me, he had crossed a line. so i deleted him from fb and blocked him. we’ve been no contact ever since. my parents also believed that he is in the wrong, and with quarantine and everything, no one has been pushing for reconciliation. but now, my brother is facing charges and he may be going to prison...possibly for double digit years. i kinda feel like i could be ta here because i’m letting some words come us, and i’ve basically made it clear that i’m not going to restart this relationship until he apologizes, which he has made no attempt to do. i’ve stuck to my guns on this. however, now i’m thinking that maybe i need to be the bigger person here and just let it go. we will be 50ish when he gets out, so it might be now or never. but on the other hand, this is just standard operating procedure for him: be an ass, never apologize, everyone else caves. i feel like he’s never really seen any consequences for his actions (except for this charge he’s facing), so by letting this slide, i’m just reinforcing that he can say or do whatever, and everything is gonna be fine. which just makes me mad to my very core just thinking about it, which is why i’m currently leaning towards not reconciling. so, aita for not wanting to reconcile?

aita for not wanting to reconcile with my brother before he goes to prison?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jyyhee/aita_for_not_wanting_to_reconcile_with_my_brother/

2020-11-22 16:31:44

nta your brother is still a bully. he's not a better person than back then. i mean, seriously, if he's going away for double digit years, it's not for some mild schoolyard bullying. he just showed you that he's the same asshole you remember from back then.

nta, he seems like trash

you don’t need to reconcile if you do not want to. nta. he caused you a lot of pain apparently and never apologized for it.

nta words have consequences. people have a right to their opinion, but if they treat you terribly you have a right not to be around them. burying the hatchet is a two way street. if it were important to him to reconcile, he'd be willing to apologize. if you just let his bullying continue you haven't buried the hatchet, you've enabled him.

nta he will have plenty of time to think about it

nta. you aren’t letting “some words come between you”, you are just not accepting continual disrespect. if it was just words, he could just apologize. don’t feed into his expectation that he runs things and you just do what is most convenient for him. and honestly he sounds like a white supremacist, so should you really be making up with him anyway?

nta he’s the one who instigated the fight and he’s the problem person. he should apologize to you. just because he’s going to prison doesn’t mean you have to reconcile or that this could be your last chance too

he’s going to prison. not dying. it’s ok not to to make up even then. nta

nta sounds like he's getting what he deserves with those f'ed up views. good riddance.

nta. he sounds like a worthless person who deserves everything he gets when he’s in prison.

TOXIC

ok, i'm 24m and recently bumped into someone i knew from highschool at the grocery store. she was a year older than me and was a massive bully, would say the meanest things just to get a reaction. one of the things i remember the most is how one of my best friends at the time had a speech impediment and she would imitate the way he spoke all the time. she was also very popular, she'd act like her being absolute shit to others was "just being honest" and would always say the shit she did was just as a joke and people found it funny for some reason. her senior year comes around and she gets knocked up. suddenly she's the butt of her former friends' jokes and, well, i can't deny that a lot of us who got shit from her were happy to see her be the one getting shit for once. and, yeah, my friend group did specifically refer to her "fall from grace" as karma. anyways, she recognized me at the grocery story and goes to say hi. i'm not the person i was when i was in highschool, it's not like i believe she's the person she used to be, so although i was kinda freaked out that she was being friendly at first, we ended up making pretty nice conversation. at some point she brings up her senior year and says that it was a wake up call for her, i chuckled and said something along the lines of "yeah, we used to say it was karma." she got really pissed at that, started almost yelling in the middle of the store about how it was so fucked up to refer to a baby as karma and so i told her that i didn't actually think that, it was just bullshit we said when we were 16, and finally kind of calmed down and said that there was no reason for me to tell her that because it was just cruel. i just stared because i was still kind of in shock about the sudden change and she huffed and walked away. been feeling kind of guilty about it all day, and i did enjoy talking to her, and part of me wants to dm her on instagram or something to apologize, but i also am not entirely sure of having done anything that bad. ​

aita for telling someone we used to say her getting knocked up was karma?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n1mr1j/aita_for_telling_someone_we_used_to_say_her/

2021-04-30 05:01:19

nta, it really sounds like ah: it was a huge wake up call for me op: i agree ah: how dare you

stop apologizing. she was cruel to people. she mocked someone with a speech impediment? sorry, that's evil. until she apologizes to them, you have nothing to apologize for. leave it be. nta.

leaning towards esh. telling someone who went through something likely traumatic their treatment was karma, while it may be true, is unnecessary and cruel. her reaction however, considering her behaviour before was way over the top and showed her true colours once again. i say don't dm her, leave her alone as this will likely just fuel her into causing more drama and reopen old wounds on both sides.

im leaning towards nta only because she brought the topic up and you didnt mean the baby was bad karma, but the treatment she recieved was parallel to how she treated others before. not an ass but could easily be construed in her head as the baby was bad karma

nta she hasn't changed when she started yelling in the store.

esh. yeah, referring to someone getting pregnant as karma for their bad deeds is fucked up and the way you said "we used to call it karma" does not sound like the type of appropriate, adult now understanding that was wrong, way to reminisce about something cruel you said about someone in high school to their face. protip: if you see old high school bullies in the grocery store, don't have a conversation like this. just say "oh hey it's been so long, i'm in a rush right now but we should hang out sometime" and then never hang out.

no, you're nta. sounds like she has some untreated issues/unprocessed trauma around having a baby, losing all her friends, and trying to reassess her world view. you clarified it was just something shitty you said when you were kids, and were being nice to her after she was a total bitch to you. i wouldn't spend time feeling guilty over this. it sounds like she's suffering in her own life since she's probably on some pro-life shit and didn't abort even though she was in no place to become a mother, and is now regretting her decisions and took it out on you.

esh the person you bumped into is an ah for being a bully and, well, an asshole. you're an asshole for digging up the past to get a quick jab at someone who is trying to be friendly, especially when the joke is at the expense or her kid. people are allowed to grow and mature as people, and you're allowed to feel resentment but if you were going to stoop to her level when she was a teen, it just shows you didn't grow as a person either. you could have just not engaged in conversation with her and left it alone.

esh. you probably shouldn’t have said what you did, and she shouldn’t have been an a in high school. in your defence, it seems like she might have taken you saying her baby was karma for the shite things she did and said, rather than the fact that she got pregnant in high school (which i’m presuming is what you mean by karma) and being teased for it was her karma for being so awful. i’m not entirely sure if reaching out and trying to explain what you meant is the best thing to do, but as someone who is anxious, i get why you might not want someone being angry at you for something you didn’t mean and would feel the need to explain yourself. i mean, it’s worth a shot - the worst she can do is block you and/ or go off at you and then that’s that. it’s a lesson. i’d be interested to know how you go and what you decide to do. best of luck :)

am i taking crazy pills? big yta. pretty much no one is the person they were in high school, it sounds like she grew as a person from her experience and you take a dig like that? sorry op, sounds like you have some growing up to do yourself. people on here will validate you and your snarky, unnecessary comment, but in the actual world, you acted like a jerk.

BENIGN

my parents divorced shortly after i was born. my mother started dating another man when i was three years old. they've been together ever since and finally got married recently. i lived at home with my grandmother on my mother's side. my grandmother abused her children and went on to abuse me since my mother and step-father were constantly going on trips around the world or my mother would just stay over his home as frequently as she could to get away from my grandmother; so, i was alone with gma a *lot*. step-dad and i never really got along. he and my mother would torment me about anything pretty consistently - my appearance, my eating habits, me "being ungrateful" when i talked back to them making fun of me, etc. he did a lot for me and our family though. he'd sometimes take us places or to restaurants, he'd buy us gifts for the holidays since my mother doesn't have a lot of money, he'd make dinner for me and my brothers, he'd be our photographer for school stuff, things like that. however, during my time living with my gma, my aunt and uncle practically raised me. they would take me places, let me stay over their home to get away from my gma, tried to get me to stand up for myself, would try to get her to stop treating me like she did, would take me on vacations and generally just take care of me. my fondest memories are in their home. they aren't perfect, they've done and said hurtful things to me as well, but they've always unconditionally been there for me whenever i needed it. they still try to take care of me - they insist on driving me to appointments, they bring over dinner when they make too much, my uncle taught me how to drive, they buy my fiance and i food or random things spontaneously. they've always been a phone call away at any time. the issue comes to my wedding. the thing i prioritized above all else was paying homage to my father, who wanted nothing more than to walk me down the aisle one day while he was alive. we found a neat way for me to carry a picture of him with me while allowing me the space to also pick someone to walk me down the aisle. i, initially, thought of my uncle. and then i spoke to my mother about it, and things got... tense. she doesn't understand how my step-father and i aren't close since i've been around him all my life and with how much he's done for me. i started to feel bad because she's right. he's done a lot for me growing up, but i feel so torn. i feel like i'd be disrespecting my dad and i'm just not that close with the guy, but he's my family now and he's even helped with my wedding dress expense so i don't want to metaphorically spit in his face. he's probably expecting me to ask, as well. every time i think about it though, i keep leaning more towards my uncle and then i feel guilty all over again. i need to know if i would be an asshole if i chose him. this is tearing me apart and at this point i wish i could have both men walk with me so i didn't have to choose between them.

wibta if i chose my uncle over my step-father to walk me down the aisle?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fjgzh8/wibta_if_i_chose_my_uncle_over_my_stepfather_to/

2020-03-16 07:20:08

nta. it’s your wedding you can do it how you want. there’s no way in hell i would let my stepfather walk me down the aisle.

nta. your emotional connection with your uncle is stronger than with your stepdad. tell your mum to back off.

nta. it's your step-dad's fault he failed to parent you. there's more to parenting than just financial support.

nta. honey you need to do what feels right to you. if having your uncle walk you down the aisle is what you've dreamed of then do it. stepdad can escort your mother down the aisle after guests are in their seats but before the bridesmaids. as long as you are polite and acknowledge that your mom and stepdad contributed to the wedding you have nothing to feel guilty about. weddings provide plenty of opportunities to honor the people who have made a difference in your life. a blending ceremony is another option for mom and stepdad to participate. (like having your parents and groom's parents light a candle to symbolize the two families coming together to start a new one.) you can have someone do a reading, recite a poem, give a speech. it's your and your so's wedding. do what you feel is right for both of you. if you get push back from your mom or stepdad just redirect them. "i am blessed to have multiple people to include in my celebration, i was hoping you would do x, it would mean so much to me." or "i was planning on something less traditional, but i want to include you by doing x since it would hold more significance to me." just be polite, firm and confident in your choice. you don't owe them an explanation or to share your reasons why with them. it will only cause drama. and if they won't leave you alone about it just a simple "no, that won't work for me."

nta. it's your wedding and your choice. if you feel your uncle is the best one to walk you down the aisle, ask him to do it. don't ask your step father to do it just to appease your mother.

nta. it’s your wedding. weddings should be structured to be the happiest day of your life, and i think you should go with your gut choice. doing nice things will never make up for verbal emotional abuse, in my humble opinion at least. do what you want to do with the people you want to do it with. congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and i wish you well in the future.

nta just because you take a few pictures or buy you christmas gifts doesn’t mean you get to walk your step daughter, who you bullied and neglected for years, down the aisle.

>my grandmother abused her children and went on to abuse me since my mother and step-father were constantly going on trips around the world. so instead of being parents, let alone responsible adults, they left you with your abusive grandmother? your mom knew that she was abusive (having suffered said abuse first hand). nta, they are both lucky you still talk to them.

nta

nta you get to choose who walks you down your aisle. you can choose either, neither, or even both. it is your wedding. just make sure to choose one that suits you best, not anyone else's wishes.

TOXIC

sorry it this is messy i'm writing on my phone and english isn't my first language. so i and my family went for a walk today for some "family time", we are halfway through our usual route when a black men walks towards us on the way. my dad looks at him and then says to us "hold you pockets close there is a black men". my mum kinda laughed but my dad was staring at me, i tried to ignore him and looked away. he then looked at my mother and said something like " look i triggered her". i said something like "that joke was racist" because i knew he would mock me until i responded. he then told my that it 'wasn't racist because nobody was there' and 'even if it was it didn't harm anyone'. now i have a small brother who was also with us and i know for a fact that he is influenced by my dad's behavior, so i said just that. that apparently was the wrong thing to say because my dad replied my brother couldn't be racist because 'he likes soccer and there are black people in soccer'. and my mother then told me that my dad just made these jokes to trigger me. i know that, but it still doesn't stop it from being racist. i said that he should find another way to hurt me that doesn't involve being racist.my parents were completely furious and proceeded to call me to sensitive and telling me that i thought i was smarter than anyone (which i don't). i ignored them (like they told me to do) but they wouldn't stop and said things like 'i don't have to be politically correct in my own household', 'in africa they would treat us the same way' and 'that i was the kind of child they always feared to have' wich really hurt me. this also wasn't my dads first 'joke' that was really offensive he constantly makes those jokes and also some r*pe jokes while my small brother was present (i'm not saying those jokes are okay in any situation but you definitely shouldn't do stuff like this around a 6th grader!). his favorite jokes are about the lgbtq+, community which really hurts because i'm gay. i think i might be ta because i discussed about it with him when he meant it as a joke

aita for telling my father his joke was racist?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ma2qrb/aita_for_telling_my_father_his_joke_was_racist/

2021-03-21 18:27:49

nta, your dad is a racist and saying: >my that it 'wasn't racist because nobody was there' and 'even if it was it didn't harm anyone'. is an excuse for his racist remark. so many black people are stereotyped and hated because of shit like this. i hope your brother doesn't learn this hatred behavior.

sooo your mom *knows* that your dad makes racist, sexist and bigoted jokes just for shits n giggles and to trigger you? a parent who takes pleasure in gas lighting his kids? wow, sorry those are what you have as parental figures right now. you're definitely nta but your dad sure is.

nta and good for you for calling him on his bs. you’re the kinda of child they were “scared” to have because they wanted a child to be the spitting image of them and follow their ways without questioning it. keep being uniquely you and doing what you think is right! you’re on the right path.

nta. so the fact that they’re doing it just to trigger you is supposed to make it ok? your parents are messed up.

nta. you said it was racist because it is. it sounds like your dad has a sick sense of humor, and since your brother takes a lot of influence from him, if your dad is unwilling to stop, maybe talk to him alone and explain why dad’s jokes aren’t okay even if he says they are.

nta i hope you'll be old enough to move out asap

he’s being emotionally abusive for purposefully making jokes to get a rise out of you and to place you in vulnerable situations. nta.

nta, what you said was true and i like dark humour, but it doesn't look as a joke.. especially in front of your young brother. well at least your dad could have explained to him that it was really just a joke (if he really thought he was just joking, which i dont think was the case).. good for you for standing up, im sorry that your dad tries to trigger you like that

> i said that he should find another way to hurt me that doesn't involve being racist. that's an amazing statement. the fact is that they are taking pleasure in your pain along with being bigoted racists - both of them. your mom laughing and defending him makes her a bigoted racist as well. the fact that they like to insula lgbtq while your are gay is truly sick. do your best to make sure your brother knows that it's not right, but in the end, protect yourself and get out when you can. these people's are toxic, as well as being assholes. nta

absolutely nta-and you should talk to your brother in private after things like this happen instead of taking your dad's bait. racism is racism, it doesn't matter how or to who, it is still racist. and soccer is full of racism, coloured footballers get hurled racist remarks in almost every game.

BENIGN

i recently came out of a pretty serious depression during which time i put on weight. i'm in the gym and making good progress to get back to where i was but am still noticeably larger than i was. during this time i wasn't as social and as a result it's been awhile since i had been out on group activities that included members of my girlfriend's social circle. she has a particular friend who is known for "blunt humor" as they like to put it, basically the ballbuster of the group. i always found it to be a convenient excuse for her to be rude and give her unfiltered opinion under the guise of "just joking", but never made much of it. the other day i went to a little get-together with my girlfriend and a lot of her friends were also present, including miss "i'm just joking." things were going well and most people were perfectly polite and happy to see me, hugs and that sort of thing. we bumped into "i'm just joking" and literally the first thing she did was a very exaggerated look up and down as if sizing me up then goes "holy shit, you got fat!" then touches my arm and laughs. again, i've never been close to this woman and i've never really taken part in her style of humor so i found this inappropriate but i figured what the hell, let's see if she can take it as well as she dishes it so i said "thanks! i seen how well you pulled off the husky look and figured if you can do it so can i!" immediately she tensed up and asked me to repeat what i said, at which point my girlfriend touched her arm the same way she did to me and said "i'm sure he was just joking" to mimic her. she told us to go fuck ourselves and left five minutes later and has been blowing up my girlfriend's phone calling me a piece of shit since. no one at the party said anything and we had a good time, but now word has gotten out and some of her friends feel i was out of line, others think it was hilarious and she deserved it. my girlfriend is fully on my side. in my mind, if she didn't appreciate someone commenting on her weight, why would she do it to someone else? nevertheless, i'm here asking, aita?

aita for verbally retaliating against my girlfriend's friend?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a5zs9b/aita_for_verbally_retaliating_against_my/

2018-12-14 00:58:13

nta she shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it.

nta lmfao gottem

nta, that’s a damn good clap back. honestly sounds like your girlfriend’s friend group is better off w/ out her, people like that prey on others insecurities in order to make themselves feel better.

nta i call these people ‘sensitive jerks’.

nta. i actually am the ballbuster of my friend group, and i always make sure i can take what i dish out. i also at least try to be funny, however, saying "holy shit, you got fat!" simply isn't funny. you were completely justified in retuening the favor, and doing it into a genuinely funny way. that woman sounds toxic, and shes also a pussy. if youre going to be a prick, just be a prick. i prefer honest pricks over fake pricks.

nta. good for you!

nta, turnabout is fair play.

dude, nta. this was all in fair play. if she likes to take the piss out of other people then she is obligated to laugh at herself when someone takes the piss out of her. she's the asshole.

you're not an asshole you're a hero.

nta people who claim “it’s just a joke” and “why can’t you just take a joke?” are pretty much always total assholes. kudos for the quick comeback btw!

TOXIC

i (25f) don’t like pineapple. it makes my mouth itch (i’m not sure if it’s an allergy since it seems to happen to quite a few other people i know as well) and i don’t like the flavour so i tend to stay away from it. naturally, this means i’m in the “no pineapples on pizza” camp where even picking it off isn’t an option for me. of course, this has lead to ridicule from friends and family alike and i like to believe i’m a good sport about it: always gentle ribbing and banter even though i genuinely cannot eat it, though there are a few in my circle that seem to think it’s “all in my head” and i “just haven’t had a good hawaiian yet”. one such person is bob(27m), who i met in uni and have been friends with for about 6 years. somehow, bob and i have never been in a situation where i have had to decline eating pineapples so he’s never been in a position to force that on me… until tonight. bob and his partner jamie(28m) threw a party to celebrate their anniversary (their get together story involves quite a bit of our friend group) and we were all responsible for at least one thing. i volunteered to pay for the pizzas (3 large) since i was at work all day and couldn’t help with anything else. we all agreed on cheese, since it was the safest bet for everyone and i arrived at their house thinking that the agreement stood. graciously, jamie let me use his bathroom so i could clean up after work and when i came out, the delivery person was in the entryway with the 3 pies, a smug looking bob, 2 of our mutual friends, and a nervous looking jamie. the delivery person handed me the receipt while telling me the total and i realised that bob had ordered 3 large hawaiian pizzas. then he said: “can’t run away from it now. i promise you’ll love it.” i argued that i genuinely couldn’t eat the pizza and i wouldn’t be paying for them if this is just some attempt to force me to eat it, one of our friends called me dramatic, while the other played mediator with jamie. then, bob said that if i wasn’t going to pay for the pizzas then i could leave… so i left. jamie texted later to apologize but a few of our friends are saying that i’m the asshole for “ditching my responsibilities” and that “it was fine because there were other foods”. people are generally pretty torn on the situation, so reddit… aita?

aita for not paying for pizzas i said i would?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtm7oh/aita_for_not_paying_for_pizzas_i_said_i_would/

2022-08-21 00:46:17

nta it is just rude to get all the pizza the same, particularly when they are doing it just to pick on someone.

nta - you all agreed on choosing cheese pizza - that was the agreement. bob knew you wouldn’t eat it and deliberately ordered it to “trick” you into having to eat it. what if you were vegetarian and he did the same with meat pizzas instead? also - fyi pineapples have an enzyme in them that breaks down proteins, which is why it makes your mouth itch! it’s quite literally eating away at you

nta the level of entitlement that it takes to use someone else’s money to order food they freaking hate to make your point. it’s pineapple ffs…. why do people take it personally?

you agreed to pay for cheese pizzas. an entirely reasonable choice when multiple people are involved. that was your commitment. bob didn't order cheese pizzas. he tried to change the deal. he's the asshole. you are not. jamie needs to grow a spine. nta.

nta- i don’t get why he got 3 hawaiian, like i understand if he wanted 1 but could have got two other flavours as well. he was clearly being an intentional dick

nta. and how would bob feel if you told him that being in a relationship with a woman is awesome and he really just needs to stop being a baby and try it?

nta i love pineapple but i do not care for it on pizza. if they had ordered one hawaiian and two other that were plain or with other toppings okay but ordering 3 hawaiian pizzas was just the host being obnoxious. i looked into the origin of the ham and pineapple pizza and it's canadian not hawaiian.

nta. if you are allergic, bob is endangering you. if you just don't like it, he is still disrespecting you. on the other hand, you did agree to pay for the pizzas so...actually, heck no. that lack of respect means you don't owe them anything.

nta - that itchiness is an allergy or hypersensitivity to bromeline. your friend is a prickly pineapple asshole for doing this. also - i’m hawaiian - we don’t eat pineapple on our pizza. dole took a lot of land (often from unsuspecting people) and brought the non-native fruit to grow on hawaiian soil. eliminating many natural areas of terra farming, indigenous trees, water rights for farmers (like my family).

nta and that mf... you are not averse to pineapple... you have an allergic reaction. i'm allergic to banana. if i touch it, i itch and break out. if someone eats it and i happen to touch something they touched... i itch and breakout. bob is rude af and presumptuous to boot. i wouldn't have paid for it either.

TOXIC

i'm in the military, getting out in a year so i'm doing my best to save up as much leave and money as possible so i can transition relatively stress free and have as much time and cushion as i need to get myself set up. my sis jenna knows about this. its important because she was supposed to get married last saturday. asked me to be her bro of honor in her wedding party, said yes, no problem. for this i had to get leave approved, buy a suit, plane ticket, arrange transportation to/from airports, hotel during her wedding, board for my dog and someone to go to my apartment and care for my chinchilla since i'd be gone a week. she knew my leave days, and text to remind her before i flew out. i got there wednesday morning, called her, no answer. didn't hear from her until thurs night when she let me know they were eloping. asked her what was up and her husband's sister had high school graduation friday. when the graduation date was announced they had asked her if they should push their date back a couple days so she could attend. apparently for months the sister has said she didn't want to attend it but on tuesday afternoon she said she was and had her tickets, wanted a dinner and party thurs and friday. turned into a whole fight for her husbands family. she told me that they had elopement as a back up plan in case his sister pulled something since she has a history of doing stuff like that. i'm not mad she eloped, i get why she did and i didn't bring it up so she could enjoy her time. only thing i told her was that i'd be going home early since she was going to be gone most my time there. when jenna got home she called and told me they were going to do a make-up wedding and reception in 4 months since they were able to postpone with their venue and most vendors. i told her no hard feelings but i wouldn't be able to attend because i need to be saving up my leave and money after that bust. i also told her if she knew elopement was an option she could've given me a heads up. the call didn't end on a good note. her husband and both families have been telling me i should reconsider and show up. most i'm willing to do is do a sort of video call during her ceremony so i can 'be there'. aita?

aita refusing to go to sister's make-up wedding because she eloped 2 days before her original wedding day?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v6etb9/aita_refusing_to_go_to_sisters_makeup_wedding/

2022-06-06 21:57:48

nta. you showed up for one wedding. no point in spending the same amount of money twice.

first of all, thank you for your service. i don't know what country you're from, but thank you for your service. second of all, nta. sister's husband's family should not have given into husband's sister's demands like that, especially if she does that all the time. people spend way too much money on weddings already so for them to elope without telling you after you had already spent all that money and then expect you to do it again is outrageous. instead of offering a conference call, they *should* be offering to reimburse you for all the money you wasted going to a wedding that didn't happen.

nta for the following reasons: - you went to immense effort to be there for the date she invited you to, initially. even if you did a different job, this reason still stands. - she is already married so this is a pointless exercise in narcissistic egotism and gift begging. they are already married so at this point this is just a big party, not a wedding. - your brother-in-law's family sound insufferable by always giving into the sister. i'm sorry to say this but high school graduations are ridiculous. unless someone is disabled, has had traumas or any other reason preventing them from having the standard high school experience... finishing high school is a basic situation and celebrating mediocrity is just handing out a participation prize. to put this above a wedding is ridiculous. your sister and her husband's sister need to check their egos and remember that you're risking your life to save others, and that they need to grow up and put their wanton selfishness aside.

nta you went above and beyond to be there for her original wedding date. it's a bit ridiculous that she knew it was possible it was going to end up eloping but had you jump through all those hoops. then expects you to do it again 4 months later.

so groom's sister can dictate the plan by having a tantrum but bride's brother gets to be inconvenienced twice? nope. nta.

nta they changed the plan with no concern for you or anyone else for that matter. i don't think it's on you to go out of your way and waste more of your limited leave, if they had respected that before, none of you would be in this situation.

nta. your sister treated you like your time isn't valuable while instead catering to her fiance's sister (who has a history of last minute plan changes that inconvenience everyone but people just allow her to keep doing it) and having contingency plans that she never even bothered to inform you of. if you show up, you are enabling in your sister the same shitty, inconsiderate behavior that his sister has gotten away with her entire life. your sister made a choice, and that choice means you won't be there when she has her fake wedding. i would tell her honestly and bluntly that you aren't willing to sacrifice even one more day of leave on someone who didn't value the time you already sacrificed for them.

nta she could have told you about everything before you left so you were able to postpone your trip.

nta. it took a lot of cost and planning to be at an event your sister basically knew wouldn’t happen. if anyone had kept you in the loop you could have had a contingency plan. hell they could have invited you to the elopement. the fact they’re being rude about it now is ridiculous. tell her to make her bratty sister in law the maid of honour if they’re so willing to screw your plans to appease her

nta, but i’m confused by your sister’s logic. if the wedding was supposed to be saturday and husband’s sister’s graduation was friday, why couldn’t the husband’s family attend both? why did they need to move up the wedding to thursday? and why couldn’t they keep the saturday reception even though they were legally married already? it’s just a party.

BENIGN

i (17m) spent christmas with my boyfriend (17m) and my family. he doesn't have a great relationship with his and my country allowed families to mix with one other household. after the dinner, him, my nephew (6), my bil and myself were playing mario kart in the sitting room when my nephew asked me why i've got a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend. i explained i'm gay and i like boys not girls. he asked what it was called when a girl likes a girl so i told him and i gave him another honest answer when he asked what the word for someone liking both was. he asked if he could love whoever he wanted, boy or girl too and i told him i'd still love him regardless. apparently my bil told my sister and my sister is furious with me for turning my nephew gay and saying he's too young to know what it means and i should've just told him my boyfriend is my friend who was visiting. my bil isnt pissed but my boyfriend feels a bit guilty like he was the one who put me in the position. aita?

aita for explaining what gay means to my nephew?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/klggsv/aita_for_explaining_what_gay_means_to_my_nephew/

2020-12-28 01:43:05

nta. you explained what a term means. you didn't "turn" anyone gay. your sister is a moron.

nta and your boyfriend isn't either. you explained it simply and appropriately for his age. your sister suppressing this knowledge would/will probably drive the kid to look for answers in other ways that she might be even less happy about.

nta *you can't turn anyone gay, for fuck's sake.* your sister sounds like a small minded moron. he wasn't “ turned gay ” or anything else by your explanation. all you did was tell him in simple terms that heterosexuality isn't the only option. he now knows that, not only if he likes one, the other, all or neither, that it's ok and you'll love him no matter what. that is the most important thing for children to know. that the love their family gives them is unconditional. which sadly doesn't seem to be the case with your bigoted sister.

nta >my nephew asked me why i've got a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend he asked a question. what did they expect, you to lie? >he asked if he could love whoever he wanted, boy or girl too and i told him i'd still love him regardless. hell yeah he can love whoever he wanted >apparently my bil told my sister and my sister is furious with me for turning my nephew gay and saying he's too young to know what it means and i should've just told him my boyfriend is my friend who was visiting. how is that turning your nephew gay? 6 is old enough to explain love. you kept it pg, you didn't say "well i like to suck dick". they really did want you to lie. nice.

nta. your sister sounds like a homophobe. there’s nothing wrong with kids knowing what being gay means. there are kids who are that young who already know they’re “different” themselves and they’re confused because their parents try to shelter them from anything they deem uncomfortable.

nta.... “turned him gay”??? absolutely not. i really hope you and your boyfriend read these comments and any guilt melts away. neither of you did anything wrong and it sounds like you were incredibly respectful and informative.

seriously? so nta. kids are curious. curiosity in a child must be nurtured. you told the truth giving just basic facts. the kids parents are being homophobic and are ta.

nta- he asked. you told him. it’s not like you went into detail on what it meant. does she hide it from him when straight people are dating? if you can explain one, you can explain the other. the only way it’s inappropriate is if you make it that way, which you didn’t.

nta he asked questions and you answered honestly and appropriately for his age. your bil was there so it was an issue, he could have said something. your sister is being ridiculous.

nta. excusez-moi? your answer did not involve any discussion of genitalia and it is patently ridiculous that your sister thinks your nephew "caught the gay" just by talking to you. i feel like your sister maybe isn't as accepting of you as you think. also, your boyfriend shouldn't be made to feel guilty by existing. tell him a random internet stranger has his back :) edit because i fail at typing judgements.

TOXIC

there was one day where i was walking home with my s.o and my neighbor was outside, leaning on his car with a friend if his who i don’t know. we’re both korean and as were walking, they say ‘hi’ to us and my neighbor’s friend starts says “nihao, nihao” waving at us. we’re the only asian people in our neighborhood and i got very offended, considering this happens way to often. so i stopped in my tracks and told his friend, “we’re both not chinese; thats really racist and not okay” and walked away. my s.o tried to calm the situation down and i just walked away before i got more heated. he was yelling ‘sorry! sorry!’ as i walked away with my s.o. after we got back home, my s.o said he understood where i was coming from but its was kinda asshole the way i confronted him. so aita for confronting this person?

aita for calling out someone for greeting me in chinese ?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hkpt6l/aita_for_calling_out_someone_for_greeting_me_in/

2020-07-03 19:57:54

nta. they made an assumption you were chinese because you're asian. just one of many micro-aggressions we face today (i'm korean too). you weren't being rude, you didn't say anything that wasn't a fact lol - you two aren't chinese. to assume you are is racist. and that is not okay.

nta. glad you called this person out. i don't expect people to be able to tell people of certain asian races apart because it definitely can be difficult. but automatically assuming every asian is chinese is racist, even if someone has good intentions in trying to greet someone in their native tongue. we can acknowledge that the person meant well as well as bring attention to the fact that their assumption was ignorant. they wouldn't realize that if you hadn't pointed it out. lastly if you're american, it's fucking annoying to be treated as a perpetual foreigner when you're asian american. we are americans just as much as anyone else here.

nta. that's racist, you were right to call him out on that.

nta. learn to say 'hello' in swedish or something and reply with that when white people try to greet you in a random asian language.

nta. you didn't say anything over the top. you stated your position clearly and emphatically. i know it gets old as hell. this happened to me a lot when i was younger. i have black hair and very dark, olive-toned skin with a strange last name filled with vowels. my family is italian but i am always mistaken for hispanic practically everywhere i went. when i worked as a waitress. the number of (99.99999% white) people who "tried out their spanish" on me was alarming. i would be standing there and taking their orders and they'd be like, "uno hamburger with french fries, por favor." and when i'd bring their drinks, they'd yell out, "gracias!" until i'd say back, "prego." they'd look around all confused until i would explain, "i'm italian. not hispanic." funny, none of my hispanic friends ever mistook me for anything other than american. my russian friend heard my last name and immediately asked, "italian?" people from other countries can pinpoint my heritage almost immediately. but americans *always* think i and my kids are hispanic. not that there's anything wrong with being hispanic, but i don't want to claim a heritage that's not mine to claim. so yeah, i understand it gets old.

nta people like this are insidious because in their minds they are being so welcoming and are oblivious to how they are assuming and making people to be “other”. i had two customers come into my hs job and try to talk me in a language i didn’t speak because of my appearance and one of them had the audacity to be angry at me for saying i didn’t understand them. ridiculous.

nta. i am an adopted korean who has caucasian parents and grew up in a very non-diverse town...and at my old job i encountered many people who would say “how do you say this in chinese?” or “have you ever been to china?” now, i’ve traveled all over the us and to europe, but i’ve never been to my birth country or anywhere else in asia, and i speak english, some french, and a little bit of asl. my father (who is a born and bred american but who served in the army in korea for a couple of years) speaks more korean than i do. people that do that kind of assuming will never learn that it’s offensive unless you tell them. now, could you have been a little less abrupt about it? probably. but you’re not the ah for confronting him in general. (had to edit because my phone somehow typed “bad” and not “and”. and i can’t stand spelling and grammar mistakes from myself)

could've been an honest mistake; could've been thinly-veiled racism. either way, you handled it the right way: if it was a mistake, he needed to know that what he did was unacceptable so he won't repeat that mistake in the future; if he was intentionally being racist, then he needed to be told-off. nta.

nta. you're literally just correct.

nta. people should greet each other in the language of the country they are in. greetings are the first thing you learn when learning another language. when in the us you say hi, hello, good morning. etc. i in france, bonjour/soir.

BENIGN

hi everyone, starting in june, i plan on moving in with my friend. some context about this move-in: she is currently having a tough time financially. as she is a close friend of mine, i have willingly offered to help pay some of her expenses such as her car payment as i have recently started work at a well-paying job. she has been looking to find a roommate for a while because it is a huge struggle for her to pay the full rent of her 2 bedroom apartment, and she has been burned by some potential people who have bailed last minute. i have told her the following: starting in june i can commit to living with her and splitting the rent, in addition to helping her out with some of her other expenses as well. i thought that would be very cut and dry, i pay rent from when i move in, and i also help her on my own volition. apparently, she has some other ideas. she wants me to also be contributing towards rent payment until i actually do move in a month and a half from now. she claims it is because she is holding the space for me, and yet it seems unlikely that she would have found anyone to be a roommate for her since the beginning of april. additionally, in all of my experience with renting, i have only ever had to pay rent once i actually move in (not counting security deposits). when i told her that i don't agree to this stipulation, she told me that i'm treating her poorly and treating her as if she is taking advantage of me. i countered by saying that it's just something i don't agree to, and that it's nothing personal. i want to pay rent when i actually move in and not before. a few minor details: she isn't asking me to cover the whole rent, or even half of it, but some portion as a form of payment for reservation. i offered to pay for the entire summer's worth of rent upfront if it would assuage any anxiety she might have of getting bailed on. so, am i in the wrong? should i have to contribute towards the rent before moving in? thank you

aita for not paying rent until i move in

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mz6b3k/aita_for_not_paying_rent_until_i_move_in/

2021-04-26 19:51:14

nta. but don’t move in with her, if offering to help pay for her bills like a car payment is treating her poorly. i have a strong feeling if you move in with her you’ll come right back to this sub wondering if you’re being taken advantage of.

nta this is a red flag. i wouldn’t move in with her honestly but if you do make sure you have a contract or something cause sounds like she’s trying to bleed you dry!

nta. don’t move in with her or i see many more aita posts in your future. it sounds like she’s trying to take advantage of you and can’t pay her bills. not a person i’d choose for a roommate. there is a reason the others moved out. run while you still can.

there's a reason others are bailing on her before they move in with her. you might want to consider doing this for your own peace of mind. it's one thing to help someone with no strings attached (which you seem to be kind enough to be doing, on top of making your own life choices with her benefit in mind), but it's quite another to have bizarre and incessant demands placed on you. nta and back away slowly.

are you sure you want ro move in with someone who is not financially stable? i give it 2 mo ths before she asks you to cover the entire rent and her bills too. wonder what else she has you convinced to pay like its nothing...she is taking advantage of you. but no you do not pay rent u til you move in nta

holding deposits are not unreasonable, however they should always be applied to rent (or refunded) unless you end up not moving. if that's the case, she would be entitled to keeping the holding deposit. keyword here: deposit, not fee. nta

>she told me that i'm treating her poorly and treating her as if she is taking advantage of me. you are already offering to help for all the other payments it seems like your friend is trying to take advantage of the situation? you're offering alot of help and you could move into any other appartment anyways? really looks like n t a for now but... info what does the landlord think? does your friend have people who already said they'd be interested? why do you offer to pay for multiple months already and to help with car payments etc but cant pay the reservation fee? is it alot of money or almost the whole rent or is there something else that you find iffy? could you also just already pay the security deposit or sign the legal documents needed for june to make her feel secure?

nta. if her main argument is her holding the spot for you, then you can pay a security deposit (which will eventually be credited to your rent or refunded). you’re already doing more than enough by offering to help pay for her expenses

nta - are you sure you want to move in with her? she seems to think you're an atm.

nta i wouldn't move in with her. there is a reason all of these other people have "bailed" on her. it's likely because she tried to take advantage of them just as she's doing with you.

TOXIC

i (19) was planning on signing a lease and moving out this summer, to be closer to my university. my dad spoke with my mom about this and she told me a story and said if i sign this lease, i’ll be disowned because she doesn’t condone a bad child in her household. she will now not allow me to move out until my last year of university because “i’ll be mature by then”. here’s the story. an 18 year old in the family moved out freshmen year of college to move to college. he was on a full ride and was a good kid. he made friends, got into drugs, got a girl pregnant, made bad grades and lost his scholarship and got sent to jail all within a year or 2 of university. it’s quite a popular story in the family right now my mom told me if i move out, the american kids will brainwash me and that’ll end up being me? i feel sorry for the kid but i don’t understand how just because that happened to him would mean the same will happen to me. i have the money for moving out, the intention of getting my bsn and i don’t plan on using drugs. wibta if i signed this lease?

wibta for moving out after my mom said i’m not allowed

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tm9ww3/wibta_for_moving_out_after_my_mom_said_im_not/

2022-03-24 13:25:33

nta. but keep two things in mind: 1) if you sign the lease and move out, you can no longer count on your parents for support. be sure you are able and willing to make this choice. this means you have to plan to pay rent, food, clothing, going out, and tuition and fees at your university. you need to be sure you will have the budget for this. 2) your mother is being controlling and possessive. when moving day comes, i suggest having a friend or two to help you move. in my experience, people like your mom hate to make a scene. if you have an outsider with you, she may have ar least a minimal motivation to keep up appearances.

nta run away as far as you can.

nta-not allowing you to begin your life and threatening to disown you if you don’t stay under her thumb makes your mother an asshole.

ywnbta, you’re 19 and your mom is mad about you moving out? sign the lease, be closer to your university, she seems like she wants control over you because she believes in this story, you’re an adult and can make your own choices, she shouldn’t be pretending like you’re in elementary

nta, is she paying for any of your college? does your dad support you? if you move out, remind your mother that she did a good job raising you, you aren’t your cousin.

nta i really, really, really do not understand this behavior from them. being concerned is one thing, but to be disowned is pretty messed up. i would say sign the lease, then show them the degree you got all on your own and see if they'll acknowledge that they were in the wrong on this one

nta - the irony is keeping you under her thumb could cause you to rebel more than having independence.

nta - your mother sounds mentally ill, no joke, urge your father to get her some help

nta it sounds like a normal immigrant family, but it’s time for you to follow your dreams and cut the cord from your family

you’re an adult and your mother sounds a bit paranoid over the evil of america. there is bad stuff out there no matter where you live. yes, there are temptations, yes you can make huge mistakes, but parents are supposed to guide, teach and support you so that you can go out into the world and they can trust you to make good decisions or be there to help and guide you when you don’t or need more help. controlling you is not the right approach, nor is cutting you off unless you obey. speak to your father about your plans again as you describe to us and explain to him that you have been taught good values by your family so they need to trust you will stay on track when out on your own. explain you are disappointed they feel that they need to hold you back and cut you off if you choose to try grow up and take on adult responsibility and that their response is to cut you off when you need their support and guidance the most. it’s your decision in the end but worth trying to get them onside if you do move out. nta.

BENIGN

i lived in an extremely toxic and abusive home. my dad was a drug addict who died of an overdose when i was 11. my mother was also a drug addict who used all her money on drugs especially after my father's death and i found myself at 16 supporting a house, as my mother used all their money on drugs. i have 2 brothers (8m and 7m). i graduated and after all nights studying, i managed to pass the exam for a public position that pays very well at only 19 years old. from that, i had to leave the house and i called the cps to facilitate. they easily recognized that it was a terrible home and i got custody of my brothers. it became permanent after 1 year, as i was fully able to support my siblings, while my mother had to move out of the house she lived in and live with friends because she could not support herself. after i gained permanent custody, i went into nc with my mom, as well as decided it would be necessary for her to cut off contact with my siblings. that was 4 years ago and my brothers are fine, healthy, no sequel to what their childhood was and they live a good life with me and my fiancée. my maternal grandmother contacted me, saying that my mother had been sober for 7 months, she had spent 1 year in rehab and that she wants to start reconnecting, because she saw all her mistakes. i replied no, she is the kind of person i am able to forgive, but never allow back into my life or the lives of innocent children. s he even complained, but i ended up hanging up. she and my mother know that the judge will not even grant the right to visit, so it's on me. i don't know how, but sunday she appeared at the door of the house and it was my brother who opened,, not giving me time to kick her out quickly. in short, she made a drama in front of them, saying that she wanted to be a mother again to my brothers and that i'm denying her and them this + more crying after she was kicked out. since then, my brothers are insisting that i allow them to be a family and are angry with my decision that despite considering their opinion, i need to he responsible and make decisions that value their safety and may not be pleasant decisions. they are totally angry with me and i've already made it clear to my mom that if she shows up near us again, she'll get a restraining order. i'm hearing from many relatives that i should give it a chance and also respect my siblings' request to see her, but i don't think it's safe, but i'm lost here and would like a outside opinion. my brother didn't know that my mother contacted me and they are also angry about me hiding this fact. (added) english isn't my first language. aita?

aita for not allowing my mother to visit my brothers even if they wanted to?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z33fw9/aita_for_not_allowing_my_mother_to_visit_my/

2022-11-23 23:03:43

nta for protecting your siblings and i wouldn't wait to get that restraining order. however, you're going to have to handle talking to your siblings carefully as they clearly don't understand why mom can't be in their lives. i'd suggest family therapy.

nta. get the restraining order. the kids are young, but try to explain to them what is happening and why. let them ask questions and try not to be upset at them for not understanding. you had your childhood stolen from you and you're trying to protect theirs from the same fate. i'd even seek some family therapy for the three of you and maybe them separately, so they may be able to understand some of the bigger issues. or at least have somewhere to vent frustrations outside of you. ps your mom sucks and it sucks you're in this situation because of her. you've turned the molehill into a mansion and i hope the kids understand what you did for them at some point.

nta. you are an absolute saint and your brothers are too young to know what's good for them. when they're older, they can decide whether they want a relationship with their biomother. until then, you must do what's in their best interest, as you have been doing. with that kind of history, 7 months is not all that long for your mother to be sober. certainly not long enough to make decisions about child-rearing. stick to your plan and have her arrested if she tries again. and i'm aftaid she will given the poor judgment she's already shown. good luck, op!!!

nta. it's your job to protect your siblings now, and 7 months sobriety is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. your siblings are too young to remember the many, many reasons that you're their guardian rather than mom. the fact that she pulled this stunt at all is great evidence that sober or not, she's still a wildly toxic influence. time to sit down with your siblings and try to give them an age-appropriate picture of why you don't think this is a safe decision to make. i encourage you to seek support from a social worker for that part (honestly, therapy for you as an individual and for you and the kids together would be a fantastic idea in general to get through this). you can let them know that when they're old enough, this is a decision that they get to make for themselves, but right now they're your responsibility and it's your job to keep them safe.

nta. you need to treat her as the lying, manipulative drug addict she was until she can prove otherwise. i’d recommend you check out al-anon or something similar (for families of addicts). she could very well be telling the truth, but you have the right to be more sure about that than just taking her word for it as it is in all of your best interests to avoid further betrayal

nta. your brothers are children and don't know what is best for them. that's why the court has granted you custody. what you have done to give your brothers a good life is truly amazing. your mother forfeited her rights and there's no guarantees that a relapse isn't in the cards. this means things could be very unstable for your brothers.

nta. you’re trying to protect you three from potential drama and hardship, i get that. instead of completely closing the door on a slow-and-steady reunion, i’d suggest speaking to a lawyer about setting up certain “demands” that would need to be met in order to start the process of weekly or monthly supervised visitations, like “you need to have been sober for a year, have had a steady job for 6 months, etc”. then time will tell whether she’s serious about reuniting or not. best of luck!

nta however require drug testing for her to prove her worth. require at least a year sober with the tests to prove it. every time she hits a milestone re-evaluate. at the moment she has a track record of neglect and abandonment. i wouldn't trust her with a house plant. once she's still clean and sober, has a stable life and she is paying her own way to your satisfaction you can suggest that she can meet you for coffee. if she makes you feel comfortable then you can choose whether to gradually reintroduce the children. 7 months sober is nothing.

nta for playing it safe. but, i think it’s worth giving it a shot and see what happens. drugs can really screw people up and make them into completely different people, when some people clean up it’s like night and day, though it never stops being a challenge for them (they’ll never be completely “healed”). if you decide to do it, start slow and in a public place. communicate boundaries beforehand about what you will and won’t tolerate from her in terms of behavior and what she talks about. tell her if she pulls a stunt like she did on your doorstep again she’s outta there and you will file a restraining order. in the end it’s your decision to make but taking into consideration what your brothers’ wants can be important. you will not be the asshole regardless of what decision you ultimately come to.

nta. what a terrible position for you and your brothers to be in. for you even to consider letting your mother back into your lives, she would have to prove that she has really changed, and so far she is not doing very well with that. the great difficulty here is how to explain this to your brothers in a way they can understand and will not hurt them. i think therapy sessions might be in order. it is certainly above my paygrade to suggest exactly what you could say and how you could do it.

BENIGN

i’m a waitress and this happened during my shift the other day. it was really busy and it was just me on the floor. a lady comes in with her husband. i kind of know this lady as it is a small town. i know that she has lost a lot of weight over the years. i didn’t know how she did it or what diets she was on or anything like that because we are not close by any means. anyways, she ordered an unsweetened tea and her husband ordered a sweet tea. they both asked for them in to go cups. to go cups are white. i was kind of frazzled cause there were about 45-50 people and it was just me serving. i wasn’t thinking and i went ahead and put lids on both drinks (i usually don’t put lids on the different drink or something like that to differentiate between the drinks). i was pretty sure i had them right, though and say they on the table. the lady immediately takes a drink of her drunk and makes an extremely shocked face. she looks like she’s very taken aback and says “this is sweet tea, i ordered unsweetened” her husband takes a drink of the other cup and tells her he has her drink. she then proceeds to tell me that that was the first time she has had sugar in over 10 years.. she said she was hoping the first time she did it it would be intentional. she seemed sad and mad at the same time. the rest of the evening only her husband talked to me. they didn’t leave a tip or anything (not that i expect tips, i just wanted to get across that i think they were very upset.) i am so mad at myself for messing that up and ruining her 10 years of not having sugar. i told my friend and they said that i was kind of an asshole because i just ruined something that lady has been working very hard on. she said i should’ve been more careful. i definitely agree with that, but it was honestly a mistake. but i can’t shake this feeling. so aita?

aita for giving someone sugar when they haven’t had sugar in 10+ years.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fjyxew/aita_for_giving_someone_sugar_when_they_havent/

2020-03-17 04:15:47

nta. how ridiculous. it was an honest mistake and she only took one sip, it’s not like you force fed her skittles. and there’s sugar in so many foods i highly doubt this is really the first time in 10 years she’s had it. stop beating yourself up about it, you did nothing wrong.

nta she has had plenty of natural sugars over years and it's an extremely common mix up too. i can't tell you how many times my family has ordered unsweetened tea and gotten sweetened. i'd say about 5% of the time and unsweet iced tea is our go to, and that's with us all ordering unsweet. i don't know how she went ten years without a mixup.

nta, it was an honest mistake. if she were that concerned, her husband should’ve tried them both first.

nah. it was a mistake. they happen to all of us and it's not something you should dwell on here. it's ok that the lady was upset, though i think she also overreacted. there was no need to treat you like a villain. but i don't really think she was an ah either. your friend is kinda a jerk for calling you an asshole for an honest mistake. learn from the mistake and keep going. 🙂

nah. it was a mistake. it’s also reasonable for her to be upset.

nta. accidents happen and it’s not like it was intentional. i understand that she’s mad, but it’s her personal issue. don’t blame yourself for something accidental.

nta. i have some weird things i cannot have like coffee and artificial sweetener. i also don't eat meat. whenever there are two things and one might have the thing i cannot have, i have the other person try first. like if i get a chai and my partner gets a coffee and they look the same, my partner would try first to make sure we have gotten the correct drinks. i feel that is my responsibility. i wouldn't blame a server for placing nearly identical drinks in front of the wrong person.

nta the fact you feel so guilty over this proves how non-asshole you are. it was an honest mistake, sucks for old lady but it’s not like you did it on purpose

nta it was an honest mistake and less than a sip. she was overly dramatic for no reason.

nah you made an honest mistake but you're not an ah. she was understandably upset but she's not an ah.

BENIGN

my ex recently started dating the "love of her life" and bull rushed to move in with him quickly. she had been roommates with a friend of hers and burned a bunch of bridges on her mad dash to be with mr. right. it didn't work out. he is now giving her until some time this week to be out of his apartment. she's not on the lease and has only been there for about a week. the roommate refuses to take her back in because of the burned bridges. her family lives in another state. so she sent me a text saying that she was coming over to stay with me for a little while. i told her no. we share a toddler. one of the bridges my ex burned involved her reneging on her promise to watch our toddler while i'm at work (i'm the custodial parent) because she would "need the time to bond with the boyfriend." i scrambled to find a new babysitter before i needed to be back to my job. so i don't see the need to help her when she was willing to ignore her own child for a new so. here's where i might be the asshole; my ex is trans. it's winter where we're at. snow is on the ground. there's no guarantee that she can find an open spot at a homeless shelter. if she can get into one, she'll be put on the men's side (i verified that). she has sent me multiple texts telling me that i'm an asshole, a petty bitch, and that word that starts with "c" for "endangering" her like this. so, would i be the asshole if i refuse to let her stay with me?

wibta if i refused to let my ex stay with me

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zwr8yi/wibta_if_i_refused_to_let_my_ex_stay_with_me/

2022-12-27 21:49:02

nta consequences also start with a c

nta. she made choices in life, some of those choices have consequences. she made her bed, now it's time to lie in it. her being trans is irrelevant, as is the fact that shelters won't let her stay with her gender. a smart person would have acknowledged at least the possibility that things with 'mr. perfect' won't work out, and not left herself with no options. the fact that she is less privileged does not entitle her to special treatment by you or others (such as helping her out where you otherwise wouldn't). so she can go to the homeless shelter, or she can try and scrape together transport to go back to wherever her parents are. if it were me i'd lend her whatever the bus fare is to travel to wherever her parents are. don't count on seeing that money again, but it's something you can say she hasn't changed if she never pays you back.

nta. she abandoned her toddler for this other man. you and your child are another bridge she burnt. she should move back to her parents state.

nta. this is a train wreck waiting to happen. you are not responsible for their safety and bad decisions; they are.

nta she didn't care about her kid, she didn't care about her friends. she fucked around and found out. this isn't your problem. and don't let her stay with you.

nta, keep her at arms length of the kid until she's mature and stable enough

>so she sent me a text saying that she was coming over to stay with me for a little while. yeah, that's not how you ask! nta - but maybe just think it over, i mean was she a good mom prior to getting her head twisted around by this love interest? you'd be holding all the cards here, it would be nice to have a parent at home with toddler while you were working as opposed to hiring a babysitter. not sure how old you two are, but if on the young side, sometimes you wind up hitting the rock bottom of bad decisions before growing up.

no the situation sucks for her but being trans doesn't mean she gets a free pass for disregarding her child you are not the asshole

i think you have a greater obligation to protect your child from an unstable, toxic parent with an anger-management problem than to rescue said unstable, toxic parent (also an adult) from the consequences of their own choices. your ex isn’t acting in the best interest of the child, so you have to. nta

nta, you aren't obliged to have her stay with you. in fact, you have reasons for not wanting her in your life at all. tell her to go find someone else. she got herself into this mess, not you. (also, tell her that swearing at you won't get her very far).

BENIGN

*(sorry if my english is bad, i used the translator ... i'm brazilian)* ​ **anyway, i am 14 years old and i am confused by a situation between me and my father.** ​ ***(a little context)*** ​ at the beginning of the year, i went to live with my father and my stepmother, my father did not have much income and there was no way to take care of me, my stepmother and my little brother (1 year old), i saw that he was worried about how to pay the bills, and how i didn't want him to worry about so many *"mouths to eat"* and my problems *(more context: i have problems with anxiety, crying, panic and depression according to my therapist)*, i left since september i live with my grandmother ... so far, so good, but, my father recently called my grandmother and said: ​ ***"i need him to come back here to take care of the baby, because his stepmother is going to work and so am i, so i need him"*** ​ my grandmother said: ​ ***"look, i didn't want you to think that i 'made his head', but he doesn't want to go"*** ​ in that, my father hung up the call and he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. ​ the other day my grandmother and aunt tried to talk to him, and he just said that: ​ *-text of him with my grandma-* ​ ***"i'm not going to talk to him, if he doesn't want to come here, it's not my problem anymore."*** ​ *-text of him with my aunt-* ​ ***"the mother raised him that bad way there (i was raised by my grandmother for 8 years), and now i can't even raise my son ..."*** ​ days later he spoke to my aunt again, this time about my psychologist, things that hurt me, words like: ​ ***"depression is nothing like real pain, lack of faith in god and that as a pastor he understood that"*** ​ anyway, nowadays i don't speak to him but i feel guilty about this situation ... ​ was i an asshole?

aita not wanting to live with my father because he just wants me around to take care of my brother?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jdtxzk/aita_not_wanting_to_live_with_my_father_because/

2020-10-19 03:01:47

nta your little brother is your father and stepmom’s responsibility, not yours. your dad’s words are spitefulness and he’s trying to emotionally manipulate you into what he wants. feel no guilt about your choice, stay with grandma.

nta. you're 14. you're too young to even babysit a one year old let alone take care of one for long hours. he only wants free child care.

nta. he wants you to be his live in nanny not his child. he wants to use you, not raise you. stay where you are.

nta and don’t go back there just to help them out

nta and the way your dad talks about mental health is very worrying. i would stay away for that reason too! it is important for you to get treatment and it sounds like your grandmother is supportive of that while your dad is not. stay with grandma for your health's sake too!

nta- take care of yourself and your grandmother

nta. your father doesn't care about you, he only wants you for free childcare. forcing older siblings to essentially care for and raise their younger siblings (more than occasional babysitting) is called parentification and is considered a form of child abuse, at least in the us and parts of europe, i don't know about brazil. you are not responsible for taking care o your baby brother, they are. they chose to bring a child into this world and they are responsible for raisin it.

nta-he doesn’t want you to improve your relationship with him or to help raise you. he wants you there as a built in babysitter. his younger child is not your responsibility.

nta. i'm pretty sure that's considered a form of abuse called parentification. that baby is not your child, therefore not your responsibility. don't let them guilt you, mental health issues are a very real thing and don't let your dad tell you otherwise. stay with your grandma and take care of your mental well being.

nta, you can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. your little brother is your *parents* responsibility, not yours. you need to do what's best for you and your health, both physical and mental, and if that means staying with your grandma as opposed to your father, so be it.

BENIGN

my (f) sister, gina (23f), was left homeless after my parents cut off all financial support at the end of college (they warned her, she didn't believe it). she was living at a friend's house until she found a job, but she decided that she would go after a master's degree that doesn't start until february. i live in the city that this master's degree is in. she asked me if i could help her for a few months until she started her master's degree. she couldn't help financially with the house or anything, but she said she would help as soon as possible. i don't have such a stable condition to support another person besides my son (6m), but i proposed that i would pay the bills alone as long as 1. she took care of my son from 1 pm to 6 pm (not sunday, saturday from 1pm to 4pm) 2. she cleaned the house every 3 days (nothing too deep, just a sweep and dishwashing every day). that would save me money on babysitting and the cleaning lady who comes home twice a week. she didn't seem very satisfied, but that was my condition, i wouldn't support totally her like her friends, because i don't have the financial resources and i'm only doing it because it's cheaper than hiring other people. my son, despite being on the autistic spectrum (1), he likes to stay on his own, doing the things he likes. he just needs to keep an eye out and make lunch (he doesn't like to eat rice). after two weeks she was living here, me paying bills, food even the car which she uses a few times a week. she sat down and talked to me, said that she accepted because of my condition, but that she was child-free for a reason and that was precisely not having to take care of children or deal with them constantly. we argued about it, but i asked her to continue caring for at least this week (to give me time to hire someone else). that was on wednesday, she agreed, and when it was thursday, she called me saying she couldn't do it and for me to try to find someone else who would pay me for all expenses she gave when she started getting paid. i was irritated and even more so when i saw a pile of yesterday's dirty dishes when i arrived. i told her that my condition to support her until december was for her to take care of her nephew and clean the house, she refuses to do one and doesn't do the other properly, so i'm no longer interested in her staying at home and me having more expenses. so it was better for her to move. she started saying that she would eventually pay everything when possible and that i was abusing her financially by asking her to work without being paid properly. we argued, but i made my decision and gave her 15 days to move. she's calling me ah. aita?

aita for asking my sister to move after she refuses to babysit my son?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xa60hi/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_move_after_she/

2022-09-09 20:43:39

nta, i think your arrangement was fair to both sides. if she can't hold up her part, then you're not under obligation to hold up yours.

nta is there a reason she can't work and earn money? people in graduate school (heck, even undergrad) usually work. you told her your reasonable conditions and she agreed. if she's backing out now it's reasonable for you to give her notice to find her own place-- and a job.

nta she is getting paid... her payment is a roof over her head and food in her belly. this is per her agreement prior to moving in. she knew what was expected and i suppose she didn't think you would go through with enforcing the conditions.

nta. you were asking her to work 28 hours a week in exchange for rent, utilities, food and even use of a car. i will admit that i think that is a lot of hours especially since it basically prevents her from getting a job that would pay. so i don't blame her for not liking the deal. however you were upfront with her on what the deal was and she agreed. she doesn't get to decide that she will no longer uphold her end and think you will continue to let her stay. she is particularly ta for not giving you time to line up someone else to care for your son.

> she was child-free for a reason i'm also childfree for a reason. but i'm not mooch-free. ain't no one living in my house for free. you gave her the conditions. she agreed, until she didn't. she can leave. nta.

nta at all. i'm childfree, and if i was given the choice you gave her, i'd either accept it and suffer temporarily, or decide it's not worth it and not be a twit about it to you by half-assing it. you didn't hide anything, you gave her a very clear choice at the beginning. "care for child and do some cleaning and you can say, or go elsewhere." not "freeload until maybe you end up with some money one day and can pay me back."

nta, a deal is a deal. how entitled of her to want you to take care of her like a child especially when you will probably not get a dime. you should have let her figure it out on her own. good your parents stood their ground. sounds a little spoiled to me.

nta. you set a boundary and stuck to it. perfect response.

you can live here as long as you do these 2 things ok doesn't do those 2 things you can't live here anymore shocked pikachu face nta

nta, she agreed to the condition you set for her staying, she now can’t expect to stay there whilst not contributing. she can go back and mooch off her friend.

BENIGN

when my daughter was younger, she was a very sweet child who never got into much trouble. when she turned 15, we had to move due to my job being transferred. she was not happy with this at all and we didn't blame her. we tried to help her settle in as best we could but she thoroughly resented us for that choice. she ended up falling in with a bad group of kids, managing to hide a lot of stuff from us. we had thought she had finally made friends and was doing well, until her grades began to tank and eventually she was suspended for drinking. eventually, she got pregnant at 16 and admitted that she had gotten addicted to drugs. we got her into rehab and she chose to terminate the pregnancy. a year later, she was doing a lot better but got pregnant yet again and chose to parent. the first few years, she did pretty well and was raising her son. then she relapsed and started using again. we ended up with custody of her son when she went to prison. she served three years. now, our daughter is 28, her son is 11 years old and we still have custody of him as she's struggled to remain sober. in the 8 years he's been in our care, we've had to prioritize him over her, as he deserved a stable life. recently, our daughter was "saved" (we were never religious) and it's lead to her being sober for close to a year now. she's engaged and in therapy. she sees her son a lot more and we were happy with the changes she's been making. she asked if we'd attend therapy with her and we agreed, as we would like a better relationship with her. in therapy, she shared she felt that us moving kickstarted all of her problems. she said if we never moved, she never would've gotten hooked on drugs or pregnant so young. i wasn't shocked by this, as it's something she's told us time and time again, whenever we spoke about her getting sober. the therapist asked us how that made us feel and i was honest, saying that i'll take accountability for not noticing something was going on sooner but she also needs to take accountability. us moving was unavoidable and the rest of her siblings managed to adjust fine. she also needed to realize the hell she had put us through. the therapist told us that everyone's feelings were valid and now that they are out, we can move forward. except my daughter doesn't want to. she says until i take full responsibility for how her life turned out, she's done trying with me. my husband says that maybe we did screw up by moving but i don't think so. if we hadn't, we wouldn't have been able to provide for our family. aita for refusing to take full responsibility?

aita for telling my daughter to take some accountability?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rysm5c/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_take_some/

2022-01-08 05:40:59

nta op, have you told the therapist what your daughter is demanding of you? if the three of you are no longer seeing the therapist, i strongly recommend you book an appointment for yourself and your husband so you can discuss what your daughter said. it's **very** important your husband meets with the therapist **with you** because whatever is decided, the two of you must be on the same page and present a united front with your daughter. the therapist can help you with the best way to respond, and give you ideas for strategies moving forward. **please** do this. not only for your sakes, but also for your daughter's.

nta. my parents uprooted me almost a dozen times and i never once turned to drugs or teenage pregnancy. it sucks. it all does, and i feel for all of you. but she did make her own choices, and she does have some responsibility. good luck to you all!

nta. you are correct. she needs to take responsibility for her own choices. to allow her to shirk her responsibility would be a disservice to her. and it doesn’t inspire confidence in her continued sobriety. she is sick. i think it’s great that you were able to step in with your grandchild. if no one else has said it, thank you. just continue to put that child first. the rest will work itself out one way or the other. you did the right thing, then and now. good luck

nta, while things can be hard moving, the reality is millions of children manage it without getting into drugs. she still made those desisions.

nta. i suspect that your daughter is struggling to come to terms with where she's been in her life and how her choices have ended her up where they have. the fact that she's been 'saved' also indicated to me that she may be feeling extra guilt for the pregnancy, termination, etc. people have to relocate for jobs. it happens. you are not responsible simply for having to make the difficult choice to relocate.

nta - former addict here. and here is a long story. i am the result of everything my parents did to raise me. there is no one big trauma that creates an addict. it’s a lot of little things built up over time. if she had a happy childhood and wouldn’t have done drugs until you all moved, this is 100% on her. she made the choices she did to cope with moving. she knew right from wrong and chose wrong. it’s a big adjustment sure but she wasn’t abandoned, neglected or abused because of the move. she is failing to realize that you are her parent but you’re also a person. just like she is. you had to make decisions that made sense at the time. if you had known this would be the outcome of the move, i bet you’d still have chosen to move. because you needed to provide for your family and take everyone’s feelings into account. her feelings don’t trump everyone else. she is allowed to be upset that you moved years ago. and you can even take on some of the burden of blame. maybe you didn’t notice in time. maybe you could have supported her more through the transition. but you didn’t. and we can shoulda, woulda, coulda all day long. it doesn’t change that the decision to take drugs was hers. the decision to use again after getting sober, was hers. the decision to use after her son was born, was hers. and whether she wants to stay angry or move on with you is up to her. she is nearly 30 years old. there comes a point that you have to take ownership of your own actions. it took me a long time to mourn the mother i would never have. to stop placing my life in my mothers hands. stop blaming her for actions i am taking as an adult. i have what i have. what’s passed is passed. and she’s a shit mother. but she’s a wonderful friend and partner and worker and person. and she didn’t give me the skills to cope when i was a kid. but i can and do know what is correct now. there comes a point where you have to take accountability for your own actions. the move didn’t make her an addict. she did. don’t take ownership for something you didn’t do. if you look back and see maybe you didn’t protect her, support her, yelled too much, didn’t provide her healthy coping skills, had mental health issues you didn’t deal with, you can apologize for all of those things. but the move did nothing but exacerbate a problem that already existed or she created it herself. and that’s on her. i dont know what sort of therapist she’s seeing but my therapist would call me out in an instant “we moved and that’s why i’m on drugs” girl.. that’s not why and you know it. tell me the real reason. someone touch her in the new town? her depression go unchecked because you were too busy with the move? okay - that i get. but go tell a military kid that moving made them do drugs. silly.

nta and here’s why: you *did* take accountability. you didn’t blame her. you put her in therapy straight away. you paid her medical bills (i presume). you took in her son meaning that because of *her* choices (to get pregnant, to have the child, to take drugs), you’re raising a child well past the age where you wanted to be raising children. i’ve no doubt you love your grandson but she’s taken your retirement years from you. you have accepted that and you’re not holding that over *her*. you have fully taken accountability. accountability doesn’t actually mean lying down and accepting being treated like dirt by her for years because you did something wrong previously; once accountability is taken, everyone moves on. she doesn’t want to move on, she wants someone to treat badly, to externalise her complicated feelings. she shows a very immature understanding of the term. she can’t keep coming back to the same thing. it’s like a murderer demanding a retrial until they’re found innocent, with the only cause to doubt the guilty verdict being that they don’t like it. if your daughter is unable to live with herself and the hell she caused you, her siblings and her son, that’s now her problem, she is 28. don’t hold it against her too much. her church and fiancé are probably preaching ‘forgive others’ meaning ‘blame others and look like a good person by saying you forgive them but actually holding it over them for the rest of their life’. i don’t think she has been ‘saved’, she’s just in the clutches of a new addiction. but it is her choice. if she ever realises, she will probably blame you for not pushing her to leave this church, but if you pushed her now she’d say it was disrespecting her autonomy. (i am religious myself so no shade to people finding faith, but this all just sounds a little suspicious to me.) i’m sorry you’re in this position. you sound like a good mother who tried your best. it’s not your fault that your daughter is someone with no emotional resilience. some people just don’t have it and have to be the victim. she has to build that up for herself. she will go through cycle after cycle of people initially validating her that she was wronged or put in a bad spot. but unfair as it is, it’s only she who can turn things around. you taking responsibility for something not your fault wouldn’t help her. it would just enable her probably toxic church to sink its teeth into her more. she needs to understand for herself that only she can address her problems, even if they weren’t her fault. doing that is one of the hardest parts of growing up. and she might be sober but she hasn’t grown up.

first, you sound like you’ve prioritized your family every step of the way. you may not have noticed things sliding with her, but your choices show a strong sense of accountability for your family. you moved to be able to provide for them, when you did know something was amiss you took her to rehab and therapy, and when she had a child she couldn’t take care of you stepped in and gave him a stable home. op, you are nta. therapy isn’t just about blaming those around you, and shame on her therapist for not doing the hard work. the longer your daughter refuses to humble herself, the harder it’s going to be to have a civil relationship with her.

nta - in my experience with addicts in my family they all try to blame someone else. i would recommend seeing a therapist independently of her. especially if your husband is having those thoughts. you cannot be blamed for her choices. that’s not how life works. your adult daughter needs to learn this.

nta this is a difficult one for sure op. i don’t think it’s your fault that your daughter made a lot of bad choices, and it’s extremely unhealthy for her to be holding onto this poison pill. i want to be fair. is it difficult for a teen to be upped and moved away from the home that they love and where their friends and life is? yes, but it’s hard for more than just teens. you also did not do anything to her in fact, this is something that happened to all of you, and by your own words it was unavoidable. she didn’t have to like the move! that’s her right. as a teen she was likely going to rebel, but there wasn’t a single thing that made this all happen. this was a series of bad decision after bad decision. i think what happened to her is heartbreaking and i’m sure it was for you and your other kids to watch her go through that. however she doesn’t get to throw this all on you. you made her move, but you didn’t make her try drugs, you didn’t make her chose the people she associated with, you didn’t make her get pregnant. just because these things happened after the move and because she was lashing out at the move does not mean that she was not making those decisions on her own. the problem now is she is 28, and it’s clear she still hasn’t been able to learn self reflection. i really do hope the therapy helps and i hope that continued visits help her come to terms and allow everyone to grow and reconcile.

BENIGN

​ i'm still getting messages telling me to apologize and still heated about it so some backstory, my grandmother has always been the a "throw stones and hide hands type of person" she would say stuff to make you mad and will get upset if you say somethings to her about it and this is my father's mother. during thanksgiving we bring pictures and albums to look at family memories, we were looking at picture of prom ( mostly likely won't have my prom this year ) and we were looking at my older sister i was talking to her about it,then my grandmother started to make fun of how my sister looks at prom and told me not look like her as she said " a granddaughter who look like ( outdated word for trans people)". my sister started getting upset about but didn't say anything about as she not the type to start drama, my grandmother kept making jokes about it and then i snapped and told her what she saying is horrible and rude calling your own grand daughter that and it's a very outdated word and said she looked beautiful on her prom. this shocked the rest of family as i'm a very quiet person and my grandmother got mad and said started telling me " it was just a joke" and " it's a word calm down" i told my dad i want to leave and me ,my sister and dad. i'm still getting text to apologize to her as she my elder and she was just joking. my mother,dad and older sister are on my side telling me i have every right to call her out on it and now outsiders look into it .aita

aita for calling out my grandmother

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k2p7jx/aita_for_calling_out_my_grandmother/

2020-11-28 15:10:55

nta - if you have to say, 'it's just a joke' then it isn't actually a joke because it's not funny. it's a cover line for people to justify saying terrible things.

nta by far and the fact that every other adult there failed to stand up for your sister is disgusting. your parents failed to defend their own daughter. that’s alarming. also, tell your grandma if she can’t take it, don’t dish it out. your family telling you to respect your elders is bullshit when your grandma disrespected the shit out of your sister.

nta transphobia is not a joke. there are trans jokes (which i think are debatably transphobic), but this is not one of them. e: also, no-one was laughing.

nta. to many people use the “it was just a joke” to hide their abusive behavior when they are called on it. all you did was drag a dirty family secret into the light, and embarrassed an abuser who is used to acting with impunity. it may just be a word, but words hurt!

nta, but i think you know that

read this: [don't rock the boat](https://www.reddit.com/r/muslimfamilysolutions/comments/di7npz/this_analogy_is_incredible_do_read_it/) >i've been thinking about this phrase a lot lately, about how unfair it is. because *we* aren't the ones rocking the boat. it's the crazy lady jumping up and down and running side to side. not the one sitting in the corner quietly not giving a fuck. > >at some point in her youth, mum/mil gave the boat a little nudge. and look how everyone jumped to steady the boat! so she does it again, and again. soon her family is in the habit of swaying to counteract the crazy. she moves left, they move right, balance is restored (temporarily). life goes on. people move on to boats of their own. > >the boat-rocker can't survive in a boat by herself. she's never had to face the consequences of her rocking. she'll tip over. so she finds an enabler: someone so proud of his boat-steadying skills that he secretly (or not so secretly) lives for the rocking. > >the boat-rocker escalates. the boat-steadier can't manage alone, but can't let the boat tip. after all, he's the best boat-steadier ever, and that can't be true if his boat capsizes, so therefore his boat can't capsize. how can they fix the situation? > >ballast! > >and the next generation of boat-steadiers is born. > >a born boat-steadier doesn't know what solid ground feels like. he's so used to the constant swaying that anything else feels wrong and he'll fall over. there's a good chance the boat-rocker never taught him to swim either. he'll jump at the slightest twitch like his life depends on it, *because it did* . > >when you're in their boat, you're expected to help steady it. when you decline, the other boat-steadiers get resentful. look at you, just sitting there while they do all the work! they don't see that *you* aren't the one making the boat rock. they might not even see the life rafts available for them to get out. all they know is that the boat can't be allowed to tip, and you're not helping. > >now you and your dh get a boat of your own. with him not there, the balance of the boat changes. the remaining boat-steadiers have to work even harder. > >while a rocking boat is most concerning to those inside, it does cause ripples. the nearby boats start to worry. they're getting splashed! somebody do something! > >so the flying monkeys are dispatched. can't you and dh see how much better it is for everyone (else) if you just get back on the boat and keep it steady? it would make their lives so much easier. > >you know what would be easier? if they all just chucked the bitch overboard. > >thank you for letting me ramble. thanks for the support, and advice, and humour. thanks for just being here :) literally everyone in your family has been raised to be boat steadiers, and you just. stopped. and now they're upset that grandma is rocking the boat and you are making no effort to steady the boat by apologizing. nta. don't apologize, and i think you need to go no contact with your grandmother for a while. if you do talk to her, figure out what you are going to say, three sentences at most, say that and nothing else. do not [jade](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2018/03/dealing-with-difficult-family-members-dont-justify-argue-defend-or-explain/) (*justify, argue, defend, or explain*) because if you do she will likely start to [darvo](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/blog/category/darvo/). (*deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender*) alternately, go the [grey rock method](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/unshakeable-calm/2017/11/top-tips-to-stay-calm-with-toxic-people) and just not react or give her any ammunition to use against you.

nta, making fun of the way anyone looks, especially on a special occasion, is awful.

nta. transphobia is not a good look no matter how old a person is. what your grandma did was rude and transphobic. good for you for calling her out and good for your parents for having your back in this fight

nta i’m of the mind that anything you do that makes the quiet calm person yell at you is the wrong thing to do. also, calling someone trans as a joke is rude and disrespectful to the community and the recipient. it’s not funny or appropriate.

nta. she wasn't joking, and you did the right thing by saying something about it when she made the comments

BENIGN

my (32) salary was reduced during the pandemic so i started selling baked goods for some extra money. the business unexpectedly took off and i realised that this was something i wanted to do full time, so i quit my job to focus on it. i have no formal training so i had been saving up money in order to attend classes overseas to enhance my skills. the fees and the cost of the trip is quite expensive, but to me it was a worthwhile investment. my friends know of my plans and have been generally supportive of this career change. one of them, let’s call her gina (32) started dropping comments about how i can give her lessons once i return from my study trip abroad. i thought she was just making an offhand joke so i didn’t take it seriously. once i was there, she started texting me almost daily asking when i would be home and when could she come for the lessons. at first i gave her replies about how i would be busy after returning but then i started to avoid replying her messages. but she was still incessant about getting an answer. i just came home a week ago and she immediately called me to ask if she could come by the next day to learn whatever it was i learned abroad. i was tired and jet-lagged after the long journey so i sort of snapped and told her that i won’t be able to provide lessons and that because this was for a business, i couldn’t just freely teach anyone and that i had paid a lot for the lessons but she was free to enrol herself if she really wanted to learn more. she obviously got upset with me and told me that it wasn’t as though she was going to use this knowledge for business purposes then she hung up. i know that that wasn’t her purpose but who knows if down the road it would be. i’ve experienced betrayal in business before by people closest to me so i’m always wary about that scenario repeating itself again. she went around telling my other friends about this. some of them are on my side while others feel that i should have been gracious enough to just teach her. honestly i don’t want this to split our friends. i don’t want anyone to take sides. i just hope that at this age, a person should have more common sense. to me, this is no different than demanding free products from a friend’s business just because you are acquainted. she hasn’t spoken to me since and i’m not sure if i want to continue on this friendship despite it being many years. am i the asshole here or should i just give in and give her the lessons? tl;dr: i enrolled abroad for an expensive baking course, friend wants free lessons, got upset when rejected.

aita for refusing to give my friend free lessons?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uui7un/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_friend_free_lessons/

2022-05-21 07:35:17

nta she is not entitled to your time and knowledge. plus she handled this very poorly, she could have asked you but instead she just constantly bugged you about it and seemed to be expecting it.

hold on, my life just got so much easier. i had no idea i could just harass my professional friends into giving me free lessons! this is great! i'm going to learn how to draw, design web pages, do film special effects, play the stock market, ... wow, i'm so excited for my future now that i know i can just get people to drop everything to tell me their hard-won secrets! /s nta btw

nta but the trick is to say the price is twice as much and then they cry and fuck off.

nta, your friend sounds like a leech

nta. she is ta because if she really wanted to learn, she would already be learning on her own!

nta i hate when people do that. it’s often not even the expertise, it’s the time. why would i spend my time doing this when the person has acknowledged it isn’t something that’s valuable to them. for me, this falls into the category of the micro predator. whenever they see you with something that is good, or that makes you happy, they set about trying to find a way to take it away from, or break it, or otherwise devalue it. they just can’t accept that you have something that they don’t. i think you’re better off without this friend. in terms of who is saying what, you might drop a “to be honest, this stuff is so far beyond her ability that we would have both been wasting our time. she needs to just get a cookbook” or something like that. a kind of “you don’t learn how to drive in a porsche”.

nta. if she wants free lessons, google exists.

nta if she wanted to learn so badly, she can enroll herself. you never stopped her from learning that skill so i don't see how you're an ah your friend gina on the other hand is the ah here. she think that just because you're friends that you have to teach her? what logic is that? and she divided your friend group, not you. she could have kept it between the two of you, but she didn't. my guess is that she tried to get everyone on her side so they can pressure you to teach her. major ah move. people like this are not worth keeping. your friends should be supporting your business (by buying your products) not creating drama.

you are nta, you not only spent a great deal of money you also traveled a great distance to acquire this training. she did not offer to compensate you in any way which shows that she has little to no respect for what you have accomplished. if she were to pay a fee and sign a non compete deal then sure consider it, until then not a chance.

nta. never understand why "friends" expect free things from their friends just because they know them, especially when it comes to them starting businesses with that practice. sure it might be nice if you offered discounted lessons but you didn't even offer in the first place. she was insistently asking you to teach her something that cost you a small fortune and she was not expecting to pay for anything. gina's very selfish if you ask me.

BENIGN

my mother-in-law had moved in with my husband and i to help out with the kids after i went back to work. we get along very well most of the time. the one thing we argue about is hair washing. on some days during the month (i’m never sure exactly when because it depends on the lunar calendar), she forbids us to wash our hair. my mil believes in some form of chinese superstition and washing our hair on certain days is very bad luck. my husband and i are both chinese although my parents never observed this tradition (if we can call it a tradition?). the first time she told us not to wash our hair that evening, i thought it was strange but to be polite i didn’t wash my hair that night and took a morning shower the next day. some time last month when we were having dinner, she told us that night was no hair wash day again. i was getting irritated since i like wash my hair daily and usually shower in the evening so i don’t have to rush in the morning. once in a while is ok but this seemed to be becoming a regular ritual. more importantly i simply don’t believe in this nonsense. i told mil politely that i didn’t believe in this tradition. she said it doesn’t matter if i don’t believe in it but she does and if i don’t want to wash away the family’s luck, i will not wash my hair that night. that night, i washed my hair and mil knew since she heard the hair dryer. for days, she didn’t speak to me and if she needed to say something to me, she would tell my husband to “tell your wife that...” even if i’m right there with her. maybe after a week or so it thawed out, and things went back to normal until... a few nights ago, you know it, no hair wash day again. she told me last time i did it because i didn’t know better but that it was very important to her and to the family’s future that i didn’t do this again. i said i’m sorry but i don’t believe in this. she was furious, said i had no respect for her and don’t care about the family, got up and walked out of dinner and locked herself in the room. it’s been a few days, and she’s still not talking to me. i overhear her some times talking with her friends and other family members, saying how i don’t respect her. my husband thinks it’s nonsense too (he doesn’t care about his hair), but asks if i can just wash my hair in the morning on these days in the future. i am feeling conflicted about this. i want to keep the peace and i think if this was once in a while it would be ok but this has become a regular occurrence. i know this is something very important to her, but i just don’t believe in this nonsense and think it’s utterly irrational. aita if i continue ignoring my mil’s wishes?

aita for washing my hair against mother-in-law’s wishes and washing away my family’s luck

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjdrk7/aita_for_washing_my_hair_against_motherinlaws/

2019-05-01 05:53:34

nta. some people take their superstitions very seriously, and your mil is clearly one of those people. she shouldn't force that on you, and that is where your husband should step up. you said he agrees that it's nonsense and he came up with a "solution", but the principle stands. your husband should stick up for you over his mother, especially when his mother is treating you this way.

nta, she’s living in your house, you don’t have to follower her wacky traditions.

nta. she's living in *your* house, and she wants to tell you what to do with your hair? jesus christ, tell her that you respect her beliefs, but you don't share them. and you're not going to be forced to follow them under *your roof*. if you were temporarily living with her i might say to take your husband's advice and wash your hair in the mornings, but since she's living with you and it sounds indefinite, i don't think that's an option. just tell her "no", and if she's disrespectful, discuss her moving out.

nta. your mil has no authority as to when you do or don't wash your hair.

nta. the only time the no hair washing thing is important is during the first couple days during chinese new year. otherwise, this is really not a thing. you will have to put your foot down and re-iterate that this is your house and not hers. however, be prepared for her to stop looking after your kids and move out. also, if your parents and mil end up getting together for a meal together at some point in the future, maybe ask your parents to tell mil how ridiculous this is and that aside from cny, washing hair on any other days isn't going to wash the luck away. in case anyone wonders why i suggest having op's parents do the talking, it's because chinese people have a tendency to not listen to people who are from a younger generation (the whole elders know everything blah blah), so it's more likely op's parents would have a stronger sway as they are mil's peers.

nta. you respectfully declined, as is your right. if she wants to follow this tradition, she can make that choice for herself but she cannot make that choice for you. it's funny how she says it is disrespectful that you don't follow her tradition, but it's apparently not disrespectful for her to control when you wash your own hair *in your own house*. she's being an incredibly rude houseguest, op. put your foot down.

nta. >she was furious, said i had no respect for her i mean, why would you?

nta your house, your rules

nta. your mil is staying/living in your house. while it is fine for her to follow these superstitions/traditions for herself, it is not fine for her to force them on you. your husband needs to stand up to his mother and flat out tell her that while you two respect her traditions and have no issue with her practicing them herself, you will not be following them and she needs to respect that.

nta. i'm chinese and that "tradition" is complete and utter bullshit.

BENIGN

my mom died when i was 3 and when i was 9 my dad remarried. my stepmom had a son and a daughter who were 5 and 3 when they got married and they had my two half sisters together. my grandparents on my moms side were heavily involved in my life. i didn't see them all the time but they would call to talk, send birthday and christmas cards and presents. we also took trips together some weekends. it was great. i loved spending time with them. it made my stepsiblings jealous though and before my half sisters were born my dad asked me to ask my grandparents if they could come along...and i never did. i wanted it to be just me and my grandparents (and aunts/uncles/cousins if they were around). my dad asked multiple times actually and so did my stepmom. i'm 19f now and apparently my dad was annoyed about my grandparents not including them so he called them out and he jumped to the conclusion that i had asked them all those times and they had said no. they made it known i didn't and then he got mad at me and asked me why i didn't ask. i told him it was because i didn't want to ask them and i knew he and my stepmom wouldn't like that. she's hurt i didn't want to ask to include my step and half siblings. my dad is mad about it. a lot of this is coming from the fact my grandparents don't really have any need to contact my dad or any of them there now that i have moved out and they can contact me directly from here. it seems he wanted them to make an effort to be part of the others lives despite them never really being part of them in the first place. aita for not asking back then? you can tell me i am if you feel i am. i genuinely want to know if i was wrong here.

aita for not not asking my grandparents to include my step and half siblings in trips?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jntu16/aita_for_not_not_asking_my_grandparents_to/

2020-11-04 09:35:05

honestly, your father is ta here. you were a grieving child and that link to your grandparents is also a link to your mother. it's quite understandable you wanted to keep it to yourself. your father should have done the adult thing and talked to the grandparents himself. like. what did he expect? that you would coordinate trips for yourself and the half siblings all by yourself? did he never talk to them face to face to organize your outings or a joint trip every once in a while? you are nta!

nta these were your moms parents, you wanted to be with them on your own. i feel it should have been your choice to include on not include them.

nta. it was wildly inappropriate for your father to put a young, grieving child in that position. you stepmother and her kids were you father's choice not yours. not to mention that your grandparents don't owe their former sil's new stepkids anything. the reason he had you ask is because he knew that if he asked your grandparents would have told him to kick rocks.

nta. your dad remarrying and having children with his now wife has nothing to do with your mother’s parents, you are their granddaughter, your half siblings aren’t related to them at all so shouldn’t have been included on the trips. it’s a shitty situation for your dad to put that on you when you were so young because then that puts you in an awkward situation and if you had asked your grandparents that would’ve put them in an awkward situation too. your allowed to have your family time with your mothers side and family time with your dad & his family, there’s nothing wrong with that.

so let me get this straight... your dad and stepmother wanted your maternal grandparents to fund trips for kids they don’t know and have 0 relation to because they are your step and half siblings....? because what? they couldn’t afford trips? other grandparents didn’t do the same? or they just wanted an excuse to not have you kids around for a bit? baby, screw that noise. you are nta, your dad and stepmom very much are.

you were a child who lost your mother. it’s natural to take comfort in spending time with your maternal grandparents. your dad and stepmom should not have even asked you to ask them to include your step and half siblings. nta

nta. you’re their grandchild. not your step and half siblings. they’ve no obligation to take them too. your dad needs to get his head out of his ass.

nta. i think it would have put your grandparents in a awkward position if you had asked. it can be a lot of work to travel with kids even if you know them well, not to mention the expense. there was no real reason for your grandparents want to take unrelated children with them on vacation, and plenty of reasons not to. i'm sure their reason for the trips was to have bonding time with you. your father was out of line to pursue this.

nta. why would your grandparents want to spend some time and money on some random kids to come along on trips with their grandchild? regardless of their connection to you in house.

nta. you were bonding with your mother's side of the family. and it is not really fair to impose another woman's kids on your mother's parents.

BENIGN

my coworker (let’s call her layla) called out sick yesterday and my manager called and asked me if i could come in. i said no, that it was my only day off, and was explicitly marked unavailable. he said that layla had called out sick. i happened to know that layla was not sick, she was at disney world with her friends, and i had instagram proof to back it up - she posted several times throughout the day, showing herself in line for several rides. this isn’t the first time she’s done this, so after he kept on pushing and pushing, i told him about it and said if he needs another employee he should make her come in. she did not and she got in trouble. i was not going to say anything about it but he kept pushing and then started getting mad at me over it. i feel like i might be the asshole because they ended up being really short staffed and had a really hard time. but it was my only day off, and i had a lot to do at home. aita?

aita for not coming in to cover for my lying coworker?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o7efnr/aita_for_not_coming_in_to_cover_for_my_lying/

2021-06-25 02:24:16

nta. who the hell calls in sick and then posts photos going out on social media? that was a terrible decision on her part. you shouldn't feel badly for not covering for her on your only day off.

nta. you are entitled to your day off and not be guilted about coming in. your manager's staffing problems are his, not yours. and you didn't go running to manager with those pics showing layla was at disney world, you only told him about it when he said she called in "sick." in these circumstances, social media is your friend.

nta. you also need to start looking for a new job. these coworkers and this boss are not supportive and helpful to your mental (or physical) health. address the issue with management/hr or get out.

nta. and the next time your boss calls, say "i have plans". don't elaborate on those, let him decide it's spending time with your dying grandma, mowing your lawn, or having quality time with your bath bombs. it doesn't matter. it is your day off, and you don't even have to answer the phone if you don't want to.

nta for not wanting to work but why not just tell him no and leave it at that?

i can't believe all of the people who are saying you should not have snitched. you did the right thing. you do not owe this girl anything. if that coworker didn't want anyone to know why they called in, they should not have posted updates on a public platform. it honestly amazes me how many people will call into work with a lie, post about their lie on social media and then want to play victim because they got caught on their lie. she knew the consequences of calling in. time for her to grow up. absolutely nta.

nta. by constantly covering for her, you are just keeping the problem going. at the risk of looking like a snitch sympathiser, if your boss is already pissed at you for not coming in and he finds out that you knew that she was calling in sick when she wasn't, you could be in for it too for not telling him (yes, bad bosses will do that) i would tell the friend that next time she plans to play fast and loose, you will not be covering for her any more. you may not be snitching, but you certainly don't have to help her either.

nta- your boss is being the ah by pulling out all the guilting and teamspeak when you have a day off and are not the person calling off last minute. your friend is dumb to post what she is really doing on social media and that is bound to make people mad as she called off work to do it.

yta, but only to yourself. why were you answering the phone? it was your only day off. you knew there was no possibility of you taking a shift. yet you answered your phone and *kept* answering it to argue with your boss. on your day off. when you weren't on the clock.

nta - you have one day off and need it. also, the fist rule of playing hooky is no evidence. i’d start looking for another job as it doesn’t sound like they value you there.

BENIGN

first i would like to inform you that i am on the autism spectrum, if you are going to use sarcasm in your comments please label it as i have difficulty distinguishing it even while written. also feel free to give it to me straight, i am not a fragile person. i (22m) have been living with a roommate for close to 5 months now. i am not on the lease. the rent and utilities are too much for my ex-roommate to handle on his own. i have a tick you could say, i count. and by that i mean i count steps, stairs, lightposts, sips, bites of food, pillows... it helps me cope with the stimulation of the world. when i moved in i made it clear to my then roommate that he was not allowed to touch my food (i meal prep) since 1) i can't eat anything i or my family didn't cook and 2) while cooking i tend to count the individual pieces of food (think how many chicken chunks, how many pieces of vegetables...) and if while eating the numbers don't match i tend to get overwhelmed. he respected that for the first couple of months, then he started stealing bites. it stressed me out and i would talk with him, at first he used to deny it then he apologized and promised to never do that again. a couple weeks later he would do so again. 5 days ago i got home after a very stressful day and took out a container of strawberries, when i got the end of it it was 3 strawberries short. i had a meltdown. the first in more than 4 years. after i managed to calm down and feel better i called my parents and asked to move back in while looking for another place. packed my stuff and was out by the next day. i did not inform him of my moving. and he had an upfront month's rent so i did not need to give him anything (i actually gave up 3 weeks of rent) he did not even know i moved out untill today, and he called me panicked about his situation, i told him that he was bad for my mental health and i will no longer be living with him and i am blocking him from everywhere after we hang up. he called me an ah and told me that he will become homeless because i couldn't spare 3 measly strawberries. i am bad with human interactions and judging situations accurately, so aita in this situation?

aita for moving out without informing my roommate and possibly causing him to lose the place?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sremsx/aita_for_moving_out_without_informing_my_roommate/

2022-02-13 09:09:55

nta for two main reasons. 1. you're not on the lease, therefore have no legal reason to give them any notice etc. 2. from what you've said, you've informed him of conditions you need to be met in order to live together happily. and he has not maintained that which is not acceptable. therefore you have every right to move on and find somewhere which meets your needs.

esh. you sound as if you have some fairly specific debilitating ticks, he was aware of this, and still took actions that he knew would exacerbate them. you don’t need to stay in a situation that is harmful to your mental stability. however, it is contingent upon you as a grown functioning adult to act like one and when breaking an agreement, written or verbal, to inform the other party. you should have informed your ex-roommate immediately that you had moved rather than waiting for him to figure it out.

hey, fellow spectrum peep here. while i think everything you did was legally correct (since you weren’t even officially renting, if i understood that right) & made a good decision caring about your health, i think you should’ve at least left a note or message to your roommate about leaving. leaning towards esh looking at it all tho, since i really get your struggle too. but if we’re just judging you leaving without any notice, you acted like an ah.

esh. he is a lot worse than you but you should have let him know you would be moving. the fact that you decided to move after he continually disrespected you is 100% understandable.

esh, you were justified in moving but not leaving a note was petty. and i (compassionately) hope you have some sort of therapy because the way you're living now sounds debilitating.

**nta. he was disrespecting you by stealing your food after you told him not to steal your food anymore. he was crossing your boundaries and lied to you about many things. lastly, he was affecting your mental health and wellbeing. it's good you moved out of there. he seemed very toxic to be around.**

esh. he needed to respect your requirements. you were there for 5 months, there’s no reason you couldn’t have said, “i’m moving out.” a text takes 5 minutes at the very most.

esh: roommate didn't respect clear boundaries, you were 10000% justified in moving out. you should have informed him immediately to give him time to find a new roommate or other arrangements.

esh he is the biggest asshole in this story but you should have told him you moved out. should you go the roommate route again you should invest in a fridge locker.

nta. you set clear boundaries and your ex roommate crossed them multiple times. you even explained why you had those boundaries. he only has himself to blame.

BENIGN

i lent my sister 260 bucks to help her start a cleaning business 2 month ago. i have asked her a number of times to have that debt paid and she keeps saying she doesn't have it. i've been very short on cash lately and needed the money. fast forward to week one of the nfl season and i placed a $25 free bet on a 10 team parlay that i thought would never hit. but it did. now me and my wife are 20k richer. we have 50k in debt across credit cards and a majority in student loans and planned on using the money to pay off most of it and save some for buying a house. so all of that money will be used. we have rented far to long. we told our immediate family about my extremely lucky win. my sister asked for some of the money and i responded with no and that she still owes me money and she hasn't talked to me since. aita?

aita/ my sister owes me $260 bucks but i just won 20k sports betting. aita asking for the $260 back?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pq8mqc/aita_my_sister_owes_me_260_bucks_but_i_just_won/

2021-09-17 20:57:52

nta. what if you hadn’t won? then she would still owe you 260$. your win isn’t a dipping pot for all to take a dunk.

nta that $20,000 is practically nothing considering your level of debt. i wouldn’t have told anyone about the win as the money basically doesn’t exist once you pay down some debt. you sound like you need the $260 and she owes it to you.

nta but you did mess up by telling people about your win. even with your win you still have significant debts to pay down, it’s not like you have cash to burn, and people don’t hear your plans for your money, they always come up with their own plans for your money. you were an ah to yourself by telling them. your sister, grasping mooch that she is, even had the audacity to ask you for more money when she owes you $260 already that she’s refusing to pay back. even after your win you have at least $30k of debt to pay down, (probably more because you’re liable for taxes from that $20k,) of course you should ask your sister to repay her loan. every little bit helps you achieve your goals.

nta. just because you have more money doesn't mean you have to give her any or knock off her debt if you don't want to.

nta the absolute gal of your sister to try and get more money? when she already owes you 260? i'd forget about the 260 however, i doubt you'll ever get that back.

nta. i would forgive the $260 under the circumstances though, and just never loan her money again since she can't be relied on to pay you back.

nta. your financial situation bettering or worsening has no effect on her debt. she owed you when you were $20k poorer, and she'd owe you if you'd won $1 million.

nta, your finances shouldn’t affect the agreed terms of your initial loan. she already owed you money, and you had requested it back several times. if she had no intentions of returning it, she shouldn’t have asked to “borrow”. loaning her more money would just end the same way.

nta but a bit naive, this is why a ton of people don't tell family when they come into money like that. it just makes things weird, especially when you are owed money. i can guarantee she thinks you don't need it back so she shouldn't have to pay.

i might be alone here, but i feel the sister could do with a bit of leeway. if the business is only two months old, it’s unlikely that it is steady and turning a profit. there may be some money being made, but could be needed to cover overheads, equipment etc.? if i’d leant my siblings money for a business, it would be on the basis that it gets paid back once the business can afford to do so. asking for the 260 back numerous times even before the two month mark seems a bit harsh. also, there is a big difference between $260 and $20k. congrats on your win and kudos on wanting to use it to lessen some debts, rather than blowing it, but how much better off will that 260 make you in the face of your other $30k outstanding, how much closer would it get you to buying a house? is it worth seeing your sister struggle even more with a fledgling business for a couple hundred dollars when you’ve just come into so much more than that? is your immediate need greater than hers? i’m leaning towards a soft yta if you’re only bothered about the dollar at the expense of your sister (no pun intended) but i do agree that your win isn’t a free-for-all

BENIGN

she works in the city and sometimes stays at my place so she doesn’t have to commute a long distance to work. i have no problem with that. but she grinds my gears. she came over yesterday to stay the night and said that i “fucked up” because i didn’t have soup for her. my dog adores her so much and i really appreciate the lengths she takes to help with my doggy. she is always welcome to walk her and feed her. but ugh, my mom is the type to look through drawers and then question what she found. she asks about my love life but i refuse to tell her about it because she over reacts and becomes judgmental and just induces my anxiety. and then she gets angry that i don’t tell her anything. i love my mom dearly but i don’t think she has any idea how crazy she makes me.

aita for not really wanting to give my mom a key to my apartment?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dlyda9/aita_for_not_really_wanting_to_give_my_mom_a_key/

2019-10-23 12:10:19

nta it would be best to tell her that your home isn't a hotel and given the fact that she was so dissatisfied with the lack of soup, she needs to make other accommodation plans for the future.

nta going through drawers is way over the line and a total invasion of privacy. i wouldn’t give her a key for that reason alone

nta - you’re doing her a favor, the least she can do is respect your home and your efforts.

nta >she came over yesterday to stay the night and said that i “fucked up” i would have kicked her out right there. nobody talks to me like that in my own damn home.

nta. it’s your place. as a general rule it’s never the asshole move to set healthy boundaries with family. now if she’s paying for the apartment it’s a little more complicated but it still wouldn’t make you an asshole to have a conversation about boundaries.

nta your apartment is your space and she should respect that. i also think that boundaries need to be set if she feels it's okay to snoop through your stuff. not giving her a key is setting one of those boundaries. but also, know she will feel some entitlement if she's walking your dog a lot. good luck!

nta but if she'll be around a lot and really insists on a key, i'd find a calm way to talk with her about some boundaries or just wanting a space that's yours

nta, it’s your apartment

nta. i don't know her personally, but some mothers take it upon themselves to drop in unexpectedly etc. not even blaming them for that, they're just used to being all up in your business after raising you. but part of growinf up is moving out and having your own space that you are in charge of and where you dictate who is allowed over and when.

nta - time to say "this doesn't work for me anymore. i need my privacy and you don't respect boundaries."

BENIGN

i’m living with my dad and stepmum now for a little while, i’m 16, and mixed race. my mum is guyanese and my dad is english and my hair needs a lot of upkeep. i have a really nice conditioner my older sister bought for me and it’s pretty expensive. i can’t afford to rebuy it myself, and the thing is i use soooo much of it that 1 litre bottle basically lasts for 5 uses. my stepmum is really nice and she has a ‘cheeky’ personality, she is always ‘helping herself’ to my things but she is very big hearted and won’t hesitate to do the same. the thing is i don’t mind if she wants to share my clothes or shoes but i am a bit possessive of my toiletries because it’s all stuff that i can’t afford by myself, my sister gets it for me because she’s a lot older. my stepmum used the conditioner when it was in the bathroom- i left it out so maybe it was my fault- and to her credit she didn’t use that much because she has fine hair but i’m still upset about it. i normally keep my stuff in the bathroom because there’s no space for anything other than a bed in this house in my room. i asked her nicely if she could not use it because it’s really meant for my hair type not hers, and she got a bit upset, not too upset but enough that her voice cracked and she sounded sad and said sorry and she’ll replace it. she said (imo a bit sarcastically) ‘do you think i’m stupid? i know it’s not for my hair but i heard it had good reviews’ i’m not too comfortable with boundaries and stuff so i felt bad and said no worries, but my dad came storming into my room after and said ‘don’t keep your shit in the bathroom if everyone can’t use it, you made your stepmum upset how selfish can you be?’ i feel pretty stressed out about this.

aita for telling my stepmum she’s not allowed to use my expensive hair conditioner? my dad is saying i’m selfish

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gupp2g/aita_for_telling_my_stepmum_shes_not_allowed_to/

2020-06-01 18:14:04

i'm a stepmom and i'm saying nta . your dad however, made it into something it wasn't. take a deep breath and relax, you're good. good stepmoms are a rarity. treat each other with kindness. you're not selfish and you're not wrong.

nta. stepmom isn’t either, i would tell her no need whatsoever to replace it and it really isn’t about her hair type but that your sister got it for you because your hair needs it and it is expensive, reassure her you’re happy to share most things except toiletries because of this. your dad is ta.

nah - except maybe your dad. what happened between you and your stepmom is normal. you developed a boundary after she overstepped a little bit. perhaps your stepmom took it a little hard, so you might want to follow up with her to make sure there are no hard feelings. in the future, don’t leave your conditioner in the shower after you are done. if you do, other people are likely going to use it and not gonna ask when they are mid-shower. your dad’s reaction was a little over-the-top, perhaps there is some history there we aren’t aware of.

nta you don't have to share your belongings if you dont wan't to. but i would suggest just keeping it in your bedroom until you have to shower again. i would say yta if it was cheap conditioner but if it expensive as you say, then nta. i think your father overreacted, but it is understandable because seeing the one you love get hurt is painful.

nta. everyones hair is different and also some people tend to use more than you when it comes to a product. unless she plans on replacing it she shouldn't help herself without letting you know. as a woman with many hair products that stuff is expensive and it works only for my hair. your step mom is gonna have to either ask you or get her own because no body got time for that on wash day!

nta - it sounds like your step-mom wasn't aware that it was an especially expensive product. i think most families just use whatever's in the bathroom and she probably didn't think much of it but felt bad when she found out it was expensive. she seemed genuinely apologetic and i think the only asshole here is your dad. the issue was clearly already dealt with and didn't involve him whatsoever, and he decided to needlessly re-hash the whole conflict. you did not "make your stepmom upset" and it's not "selfish" to not want other people to use your things. i think you should remove all of your personal items from the bathroom and keep it in a shower bag. that's what i do to stop my room-mates from using any of my toiletries.

nta- she is a grown woman and should buy her own knowing how young you are and cant afford these products. if she wanted to use a sample to see if she likes it, thats okay. but she shouldnt be depending on your supplies unless its agreed it is shared between you two and she helps replace the empty bottles. i live with my mom and 2 sisters and we all have our own shampoo, conditioner, etc. its annoying when someone constantly uses your things and doesnt replace them

hey op. i have a lot of texture to my hair too and i come from a family of sleek, straight-haired people. it’s sort of a family joke that “my father was the milkman” or “the gypsies left me” bc i don’t look like anyone else. i think you probably - totally without meaning to - hurt your stepmom’s feelings. people without our kind of hair don’t really get what a big deal the upkeep is, or that we have to use specialized (more expensive) products. you are totally nta here. i’m sorry your stepmom was caught off guard and hurt by your request. i’m especially sorry that your dad overreacted and lashed out at you. so now a tiny misunderstanding has blown up and everyone feels bad. if you’re comfortable revisiting the situation with your stepmom and explaining things to her (this is a product you need, you can’t afford to replace it, etc.) then maybe that will help. i’d like to offer you another option, too. if you’d like to leave the bottle in the bathroom for everyone to use i’d be happy to paypal or venmo the money for you to replace it. just pm me and let me know so i can take care of it if need be. it would make me happy to help you out, hair is important for girls! take care ;) hair tax. highlights and deep conditioning pre-covid. https://imgur.com/gallery/h2jwjxv

it seems as if your dad maybe over reacted? i remember being broke and getting that one thing i really wanted and having it disappear. it sucks, frankly. nta and i'm sure your expensive stuff will be where nobody can get their hands on it. maybe get a less expensive one to leave out so that it doesn't look like you're being stingy?

nta you made your request nicely and she overreacted being sarcastic and running off to your dad. your dad should’ve minded his own business. i can’t stand parents who take their children’s stuff when they didn’t even pay for it.

BENIGN

i am in a college class with all guys except for me, it's a small summer class on processor architecture. and every class my professor says "hi guys... and op" and it is so cringy and weird, like everyone knows you can just call a mixed gender group "guys" without making it weird. he also makes random weird sexist jokes in class but at least they're not directed at me by name. so after a few weeks of that, i replied and called back "hiii people who treat me like a person... aaand professor jones" he told me to leave the room and i stayed put and told him i was paying for an education, not an outdated comedy special about 'hurr hurr women amitite' so let's just drop it and focus on the education thing. he got irritated and said he was asking me to leave. and i said i'd paid my tuition and i was asking him to be a professional, to do his job and teach. and if he was getting emotional about a joke, maybe he shouldn't dish it if he can't take it" he said he wa s going to speak to the department head and i said "okay, i hope she likes hearing all your little jokes" i did end up sitting through the class because there's no way i'm paying thousands to take classes and not getting that. but.. i feel like i kinda lost my temper and was more hostile than i should of been. i should of just emailed the department myself instead of starting an argument in class. but afterwards i did, i actually had a group chat with a few friends from my degree program who i'd always text "you will not believe what he said today..." and then quote it and vent. so i grabbed all those screenshots and emailed the department myself to get ahead of things. but i feel kinda like a dick for shit talking my professor in class and then doubling down, i feel like that was kinda immature. aita for saying what i did in class? edit 1 ✨spicy take award of the day ✨ "by the power of facts and logic i have determined that it is in fact op who believes women are not human" (he has written a formula and everything, i can't make this shit up) https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/vnjb2e/aita_for_snapping_back_at_my_teacher_who_started/ie7v2op?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/vnjb2e/aita_for_snapping_back_at_my_teacher_who_started/ie87qpk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 edit 2 noooo he deleted it but i want it back because that formula was funny af... ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli!!!! edit 3 the formuoli has been found! https://www.unddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/vnjb2e/_/ie7v2op/#comment-info

aita for snapping back at my teacher who started every class with "hi guys... and op" and made icky jokes about women?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vnjb2e/aita_for_snapping_back_at_my_teacher_who_started/

2022-06-29 16:05:37

nta- and you were right, he could dish it out but couldn't take it. sometimes people like that need to be reminded that their behavior is unacceptable. i went back to college in my 40's to finish my degree, and had to take a 101 english class. the professor asked us to write an essay about what we thought the reason behind edgar allen poe's stories were. again our opinion. so i wrote the essay, and when he handed them back he made everyone walk up and take there paper from him (he was known to me unnecessarily cruel to under grads), making hateful comments to 90% of the kids ("your grammar is awful", "did you write this after too many beers", "good thing you not an english major". and then it was my turn, he said, "as i non-traditional student i expected more from you, your idea is all wrong". so, as i walk to the front to take my paper, i said, "well then since you are clearly not interested in anyone's opinion but your own, next time why don't you just clue us in on what that is." and much like your prof, he asked me to leave. i laughed and said, "i'm here because this class is required, and don't want to be here any more than you do, so lets just get on with it" he got quiet, hell, the whole room was quiet, and he proceeded. as i was leaving at the end of the class he told me he "didn't appreciate the way i spoke to him in front of the class", and that i embarrassed him. i told him, that now he knew how his students felt. that unlike the other students, i wasn't 18, wasn't afraid of him, and that there would be consequences for his actions if he tried anything stupid. lets just say, it was a quiet uneventful semester..

nta - your professor was totally unprofessional. (i'm sure you are well aware of the fact you are the only woman in the class without him pointing it out). you are 100% spot on in your responses. however: you may have made an enemy by standing up to him, so good thing you’re getting ahead of it and be prepared to go further up the ladder than dept. head. this will be important especially if he tries to give you bad grades (or worse) as a way of getting back at you.

nta. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻well done sticking up for yourself and telling your department head. not sure if you’re in the us but if you are, discrimination based on sex at an academic institution is prohibited by title ix, a federal law. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/title_ix not saying you should or would, but your administration should be deeply worried about the behavior of a professor that could expose them to a lawsuit and a ton of bad press.

nta your professor crossed and a line and you pushed him back 500 feet by standing your ground. definitely handle things properly with administration, ideally they will understand the reaction given the situation and the fact the conflict was between a student and an educator. but staying through the whole class like that was dope and i gotta give you your credit for that.

nta. was it the smartest move? probably not. it certainly wasn’t the most diplomatic. but you don’t really owe diplomacy to someone who keeps going out of his way to single you out in ways that make it clear he views your outlier status negatively and isn’t going to treat you fairly or with respect. the fact he couldn’t come up with an explanation for why he keeps pulling his little routine that didn’t deny your accusations of sexism just proves it. time to actually take that to the department head before he *does* try anything to fuck up your grade, though.

nta my god, this is a flashback. in 19-fucking-79, i was one of two women in the numeric analysis class. it became obvious that the teacher was a terrible lecturer, so my friend and i, the only women in the class (and damn near the only women cs majors), dropped the course. the next day the prof came in, looked around, and said "well, now that the girls are gone, we can get down to work." you aren't the asshole, and talk to the title ix people at your school, because he isn't allowed to do this shit. your joke was perfectly reasonable. if yours wasn't funny, neither was his.

i just saw a tiktok of a girl who is the only female in a class and the video is of not just her classmates, but the male professor openly discussing raping women and all of the situations in which the woman would not be able to consent. it was extremely vile. she took the videos and recordings to the department head and i think even the dean of the university, but nothing has been done.

nta - he's straight singling you out as the only lady in the class and the jokes are just icing on the cake. double, triple down. this is not professional behavior, it's not hard to say "hey everyone, hi class, or hello students."

nta; he's a proffessor representing a school, and he is discriminating in his classroom by making sexist comments and alienating you as the only girl. if you're in america, he's in violation of title ix and his superiors should be veryyyy interested in his classroom conduct

you feel like a dick because you have been trained aince birth to tolerate this bs. cool girls never push back against misogyny! what, can't you take a joke?? you feel like a dick because you broke the rule that says women have to sell themselves down the river every time. it's a shitty rule. be proud. nta x 1000

TOXIC

since it's usually just the two of us, my daughter and i are really comfortable at home when iy comes to what we wear or rather what we don't wear. all this was fine because, again, it was just the two of us. when my boyfriend comes around to spend the night or the weekend, we'd dress more 'appropriately' for the duration of his stay and then go back to our normal when he's gone. with everything that's been happening, i wanted my boyfriend to stay with us because we don't know when it will end. before inviting him over, i asked my daughter how she felt about that and clarified that this would be indefinite. she said she was cool with it and i invited him. the first week went well and she wore other comfort clothes. then things completely changed within a day. the first incident, my boyfriend and i were in the kitchen making breakfast and she came in wearing just underwear and a towel on her head (just came out of the shower). breasts completely bare and she didn't even care to try cover them up. instead she just walked in, greeted us casually, grabbed herself a glass of water then left. my boyfriend didn't say a word and i could tell he wasn't entirely comfortable with this so i tried talking to my daughter about but her response was that she wasn't naked. now she's been wearing short shorts around the house with just a bra (sometimes) etc. my boyfriend says it doesn't matter anymore because he's used to it now but i don't want him to be used to seeing my daughter like that. it's inappropriate. so i confronted her about this and told her to dress better in his presence but she bit me off about how i should be happy she's that comfortable around him and with her body. we're now constantly arguing over this and i'm wondering if i'm ta my daughter is 19

aita for telling my daughter not to walk around half naked around the house?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gehqt5/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_not_to_walk_around/

2020-05-06 10:48:26

nta that kitchen scene is really weird, why would she walk out in front of your boyfriend with her baps out? she should feel comfortable in her home, however she is pushing it too far.

nta, i think. this is a bit weird. you're right to ask her not to walk around your boyfriend topless as it's your house and you've established what is ok and what isn't - you agreed before he moved in. i can't help wondering what your daughter's motive is. maybe just stuck in her ways? at 19, it's possible/plausible that she might be getting a bit of a thrill from it - an older man seeing her like that, or is that too weird? i'm no psychologist so i may be totally barking up the wrong tree.

uh, this sounds like an odd setup for a porno. in all seriousness you're not the asshole here, but i really hope your daughter is over 18, cause for her to be walking in the kitchen with her breast showing to not only you, but to your partner is very fucking disheartening, even if she is of age it doesn't make it any better. if i was in your situation, i'd be suspicious of her intentions. no woman just shows her breast to men for the fuck of it.

nta. sounds like she is pushing to get a reaction. there is nothing wrong with you setting boundaries of what’s appropriate in your house

nta if she doesn't wear a bra. that is inappropriate. if she does wear a bra and shorts, i'd say to let it go, it's the same things she would wear at a beach so it's decent in a casual setting.

might be unpopular but yta so here's the thing. because y'all walk around naked/close to naked a lot, you've spent years showing her to not sexualize naked bodies. that's awesome, but that means she doesn't see why you're having a problem now. i get this is your bf and it's uncomfortable, but this is how you raised your daughter. now you're telling her to ignore everything you taught her. also you're asking her to change her life and be less comfortable...in a pandemic. cut her some slack and stop telling her to cover up.

nta i'm sorry she's 19 if she doesn't want to follow your rules shes old enough she can move .i think she needs to understand some people don't want to see your breasts and it may make you comfortable but it isn't for anyone else. mom had to have that talk to me about not changing shirts in the hallways or not wearing them in front of people but i was six.

what age is your daughter? i'd say nta, your daughter shouldn't walk around the house half naked when a guest is over, but you should let your daughter have some freedom over what she wears - like shorts and a vest, but definitely not just underwear

nta. she’s testing a sexual boundary. she’s looking for a reaction from you and/or him. my best guess here is she feels threatened by his presence in your life (and now your home with her). not physically threatened; but emotionally. you were a young mom and it sounds like you guys were pretty close. now you have a man who has gotten close enough to you that you’ve moved him in. she’s testing the waters to drive a wedge in there. i would make time for her. make sure she knows you still have time for just her. yes she is an adult.... but we also know 19 year olds are just immature kids who’s brains haven’t fully developed yet.

walking around half naked with 2 women in a house is not the same as when a bf is there. mom talks about being comfortable doing this with just her and her daughter home. i can, almost, guarantee if daughter had her bf there, she wouldn't be happy if mom did this. this is all for a reaction. nta. daughter is for doing this. she didn't when he first came.

BENIGN

my dad died unexpectedly last week and my sister jess and i lost our mom last year to a mix of cancer and the virus. from how our family acted in the past over scavenging over dead people’s things both jess and i decided to send out a family memo on no one is to enter or take anything from our parents house until we get there. both jess and i work on the west coast so it takes some time to get there with all of our kids and family. i saw several notifications from my parents ring doorbell and i’m a lawyer. i reminded my family we will prosecute. jess and i are on the same page. jess gets to my parents house first and notices stuff is missing and my parents had security cameras and an alexa show. it shown my cousin taking stuff from the house. so jess did what we agreed on and called the police and two of our cousins was arrested. because it was over a thousand dollars both are looking at felonies. my cousin said my dad promised him this stuff and i have my dad’s will making me executor of the estate. i told him he should have waited to file a claim with estate and everyone was warned about what would happen. jess and i don’t have the best relationship with our extended family and we are not dropping charges. because of this drama dad was quietly cremated with no service and we plan to hold one when scattered our parents ashes at jess’s house in a tree planted for them. my last living grandma is upset about it but she sided with my cousins and aunt saying we are too tough on having them arrested.

aita for staying true to my threats after my dad died?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xuu5zc/aita_for_staying_true_to_my_threats_after_my_dad/

2022-10-03 20:15:29

there is nothing quite so unedifying as the rush by distant family members to grab what they can when someone dies. definitely nta.

so your dad had a will naming you the executor and your relatives decided to steal from your dad's estate. nta

nta my advice? follow through with the charges and use this opportunity to remove these people from your life permanently. don't give a single thing or a single penny to anyone in the extended family that you are not on good terms with.

nta your dad created a will and made you the executor of the estate for a reason. if your cousin's were actually meant to have the thousands of dollars worth of items they took, they could've waited until you arrived. it sucks that they got arrested but the first thing on their minds when losing a relative shouldn't be "i should take items from their house" or "i'm owed these items let me go collect." plus you and your sister gave advanced warning, so it's not like you just randomly decided to call the police.

nta. you did the exact right thing. that was breaking and entering and anybody supporting those actions should be cut from your lives entirely. sorry for your loss and sorry your family is awful.

nta. you stated the consequences and they ignored it. law is law especially when talking that much money. that’s breaking and entering not to mention stealing

nta "from how our family acted in the past over scavenging over dead people’s things" sounds like your family sees absolutely nothing wrong with stealing things from those who have passed. they need to learn that stealing from family is still stealing and still wrong. there's nothing like the law to teach them a lesson.

nta they broke in and burglarized your parents home. do not drop the charges. they were warned and thought you would ignore their behavior. stay strong. i am so sorry for your losses.

nta, who goes through a dead person's thing before their kids get there?

nta. i had a cousin who practically cleaned out our grandmother’s house. this was long before the advent of ring doorbells or security cameras so she got away with the theft of thousands of dollars of stolen property. your cousins broke into a home when they could have waited for you & your sister to arrive and asked nicely for some momentous. since your family relationships are strained already, let them stew in the pot of trouble they choose to create.

BENIGN

last fall a friend from out of state and i met in austin, tx for a long weekend. we had booked a cute airbnb and had a full itinerary of things we wanted to do. my friend got to the airbnb first and when i arrived a few hours later she mentioned she had a headache from the smell of gas, which i noticed as well. it was extremely faint but since she had been there a few hours, it had gotten to her. we decided to get out and go about our plans in the fresh air. dinner turned to drinks and we ended up staying out until 2am. we went back to the airbnb and as soon as we walked in we noticed that the smell of gas had become overwhelming. my friend was very tired and wanted to just sleep, but i told her i wasn't sure if it was safe. i decided to call 911 to report a gas leak and she agreed. the airbnb we were staying in was one of two apartments over a restaurant. a firetruck came quickly and as they were going up to check on the apartment, the door from the next door apartment opened and a lady came out visibly upset. she started talking to the firefighters and then came down to us and said "i own the airbnb, you should have called me before you called 911". i told her that i had no way of knowing that she was next door and that in my panic my immediate thought was to call emergency services and not to look up her number. she went on to tell us that she knew about the issue and it wasn't a big deal, she had forgotten to close a gas valve all the way when they were getting the airbnb ready that morning. i told her that was no excuse and called airbnb for a refund. airbnb told us we could find a hotel and they'd reimburse us once we opened the claim, which was great other than it being 3am. the first two hotels we called were all booked and by the time we got all of our stuff, got an uber, and got set up at the third hotel it was after 4am. we ended up sleeping in and missed our first few plans of the next day. i opened the claim and submitted the police report stating there was a small gas leak and airbnb refunded and reimbursed as promised. i was fine until i saw that she left a review on my account. she said we were rude and mean and no host should ever rent to us again. she went into long detail about our "attitude" but never once mentioned that we were upset because of a gas leak. i called airbnb and they said they couldn't remove her review bc it was her right to say what she felt. there also was no option to publicly reply to her on my page. i've had perfect airbnb reviews before then and am now worried people will be hesitant renting to me in the future. so reddit, aita for calling the police on the gas leak? after all, the police report did say "small gas leak" so i feel like maybe it wasn't a big deal. i read her reviews and previous people had mentioned the gas smell but i guess no one reacted the way we did, so that makes me wonder if we were too extreme.

aita for calling 911 over a gas leak at the airbnb i stayed at?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jkicdm/aita_for_calling_911_over_a_gas_leak_at_the/

2020-10-29 20:45:35

nta- she shouldn’t of left a gas valve open. nobody knows that the owners at next door or even in the same city. she was irresponsible. i would let it go, you got your refund and that’s what matters.

nta. i would ask airbnb if you could post a rebuttal to her review because she left out important information. the fact that you were upset over a gas leak is important to know.

nta, she could have cost you your life, and she's worried about what, having lost a couple of days rental?

nta houses can explode because of gas leaks. the gas doesn’t care who you call first. one spark and it can go up. the fire department are the correct people to call.

nta. safety first. her having more reviews about it shows her negligence and failure to actually deal with it. i'd report her again to airbnb's safety team and bring up her having a history of this to try and get her banned and her review off my account. especially after her leaving that review.

nta. that could be extremely dangerous and killed someone. > she knew about the issue and it wasn't a big deal, she had forgotten to close a gas valve all the way when they were getting the airbnb ready if she knew of the issue she should have never been renting the house out until it was fixed. she could have knowingly killed someone. as a general rule of thumb, if you smell gas, call 911, or at least thats what they always told us in school whenever the police and fire department came by to talk about safty.

hello no! the place could have exploded. better safe than sorry, always. had the same thing happen, lived in a duplex, neighbor left burner running and left for the weekend. gas company said had it been much longer we would have died. nta. she was irresponsible.

nta. pretty sure you’re supposed to call for gas leaks. could turn deadly quickly.

nta- a gas leak that’s bad enough to be “overwhelming” is something i’d consider an emergency, and 911 would be the place to call first, especially if your airbnb host didn’t let you know they were so close. i think it was absolutely the right call, but it’s a bummer than your eating suffered because of it.

nta. you did everything right. calling her before 911 is not acceptable. who asks the host to get permission before calling in a gas leak... as you wouldnt know she is living next door. secondly her review of you is absolutely immature.

BENIGN

i am confused. i never thought this would be an issue. the other night i was spending time with a group of 4 friends, all low twenties. a few of my friends started talking about their kinks, namely bdsm and one of them, let’s call her lex, started to get into their own personal experience including, uh, intimate details. i don’t really talk to people about personal stuff like that, and i was getting way more information from my friend than i wanted. so i got up, asked my other friend if he wanted to join me, and we walked away to do something else. the next day i woke up to a text from lex saying that she was offended that i had left in the middle of that conversation because it was deeply personal. i explained to her i don’t really like talking about that stuff or hearing other people talk about it, but she insists it was really rude since she was “opening up”. i don’t know what to make of all this. i of course understand lots of personal conversations, like about mental health for example, would be rude to leave. but i personally don’t see how that applies here.

aita for walking away from my friends when they started talking about their kinks and sex life?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oq6yae/aita_for_walking_away_from_my_friends_when_they/

2021-07-23 17:15:41

nta. you are under no obligation to sit there and listen to her "opening up" about her sex life. it is actually rude of her to demand you hear what she has to say. by calling you out she is ta.

nta. lex needs a lesson in consent.

nta. you didn’t consent to hearing about her sex life and forcing someone to listen to that is really terrible. for someone who is apparently into bdsm she sure needs a lesson in consent.

nta, but your friend lex is. one of the first and most important rules of any type of kink is that you don't get to impose it on others - even conversationally - without their consent. you are absolutely entitled not to want to discuss intimate sexual things that make you uncomfortable. further, i would add that she had no idea whether anyone in the group might have had sexual trauma or other issues that would have made discussing bdsm or other kink further traumatising for them. anyone in that community for any length of time knows that it is **completely inappropriate** to have those discussions without everyone's enthusastic consent, because of the possibility of people having sexual trauma or just not feeling safe discussing it. you are nta, and lex owes you an apology and needs to learn that you don't get to "open up" to anyone without their permission.

nta you removed yourself from a situation that made you uncomfortable. nothing wrong with that.

nta just how she has the right to talk about her own sex life and kinks you have the right to not listen because it makes you uncomfortable. bdsm is very uncomfortable for people who are not with that lifestyle and if she just wants to open up she can join groups who are open about it and i'm sure she will be well supported within her community.

nta tell her you didnt consent to hearing her sexual details . if she really is into bdsm she will promptly apologize and drop the issue.

nah. you don’t need to listen to the details of your friends’ sex lives if it makes you uncomfortable. on the other hand, figuring out your sexuality can be a big deal, and it’s okay for lex to feel like she was rejected while sharing something really personal. it seems like no conflict would have happened if you had just been direct and said something like “detailed discussions of sex make me uncomfortable, so i’m going to excuse myself from the conversation”.

if you were uncomfortable you were not the asshole for leaving the area. she’s the asshole for thinking you have to listen to something you don’t feel comfortable hearing.

nah. you’re not required to participate in a conversation that makes you uncomfortable. your friend is allowed allowed to feel snubbed that you asked another friend to get up and leave when she was sharing something about her personal life.

BENIGN

i have two co-workers who are dating and i generally get along with them individually, but the pair of them can be really insufferable. they're a couple of young kids still around 18-19 years old and they're clearly still in the honeymoon phase. they both recently got in trouble for being caught making out in the middle of the sales floor while our grocery store was open and i honestly thought that they would've learned their lesson after that, but apparently not. today in the break room, i was taking my lunch break and both of them (let's just call them mike and mandy) were taking their breaks as well. first they were just getting all close and giggling together, then they were taking selfies together, then mike took mandy's phone and they started playfully chasing each other around the break room. it was all really annoying, but then they started making out again and that's when i decided to speak up. it typically takes a lot for me to come out of my shell and overcome my introversion, and this was one of those moments. i spoke up and asked them if they could just keep their romance out of work and stop acting this way in the break room. that set mandy off and she started telling me that if i don't like it, then i can take my break elsewhere. the only other place to take my break was outside the store with the smokers and i obviously wasn't going to do that. i just reiterated to mandy they their behavior wasn't work place acceptable, then she told me that she was going to our manager about this. she screamed at mike to come with her, he obeyed, and they left. as expected, my boss took me into his office and talked to me. i didn't get in trouble, but the basic gist of what he said to me was "sometimes you just have to deal with people you don't like." he heavily implied that he wasn't going to do anything about mike and mandy's behavior. and on my way out, mandy confronted me again and told me to mind my own business and that her and mike will act however they want at work. aita for confronting her about her romantic behavior?

aita for asking my co-workers to keep their romance out of the work place?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kberpq/aita_for_asking_my_coworkers_to_keep_their/

2020-12-12 00:16:04

nta, but it's time to move up the ladder. if your boss is okay with this, it's time to find his boss. making out in the workplace is not okay by any stretch.

nta and i would escalate this. did you make it clear exactly what they were doing? this would *not* be tolerated where i work lol. running around the break room and making out while you’re 3 feet away trying to eat your lunch? weird and gross and uncomfortable. the manager you spoke to is clearly trying to keep the peace/sweep this under the rug, and i would 100% escalate it. also don’t let those kids get in your face and start bullying you. they’re young and dumb, you’re older and smarter. play their game. the next time they say anything to you? go right back to management and complain that you’re being harassed.

nta, and go to hr

nta. you are not in highschool but at work. this kind of behavior is unacceptable. if your boss won't do anything about it, talk to his boss then. i don't even understand how anyone can be cool with that....

nta - that is absolutely not appropriate, and i would report it to hr.

nta. gosh, you think being caught like that would teach them a lesson. definitely contact hr or a higher up.

nta work is a professional setting and they need to learn that eventually

nta, what they are doing in public is sexual harassment for other employees, this would be 2nd party sexual harassment as you are the one that is offended. punishment depending on how acceptable it is at the chain grocery store can be a verbal reprimand, written x how every many, then being fired. their behavior is not good for business especially if the complaint comes from customers.

your major mistake here was not getting to the manager first--she told \*her\* version of events, which i assure you is very different from your version. i would bet money the manager doesn't realize they were making out in the break room. i would video them the next time they go into action and send it to the boss and say, "is this what i am supposed to 'just deal with'?" nta. next stop hr or the manager's boss.

nta. hit up hr or contact someone higher up the chain of command. this is not workplace appropriate behaviour.

BENIGN

i’m the only girl in the family which sucks especially when i’m on period because i feel like no one knows what i go through (yes i have a mom i’m just dramatic lol). ever since i’ve had my first period i’ve always been told to never talk about it to boys and almost made to feel shamed for having it so telling my brothers to leave me alone or explaining why i can’t swim or something like that was a little awkward. anyways, i was on my period one time and when i went to put one on i noticed it was my last one and i desperately needed more. i was freaking out because i don’t have transportation to go to the store and buy some like a normal human being and my mom doesn’t drive so i was stuck. i didn’t know what to do but then i remembered “i have brothers” so using my big brain i decided to text my brother if he can buy me some on the way home. although i’ve asked if they can buy me some in the past, i still felt awkward because my mom and dad always made it seem like it was taboo to even mention periods. luckily he was cool about it and even called me asking which brand i wanted, with wings or no wings. overall he was very helpful. thinking the phone call was a bit silly i mentioned it to my mom as soon as i hung up i was telling her about how it was like the movies where the guy was clueless about buying them. while telling her this she had an unimpressed face with a hint of disgust and said “but why did you tell him? isn’t that a bit too much? why didn’t you tell your dad instead?”. i don’t know about you guys but i’d rather ask my brother if he could buy me some instead of my dad. i asked “what do you mean? you always tell them to help me out, especially with things like that. why is it such a big deal?” she just scoffed and ignored me. whatever i thought i was just hoping he’d get here fast. my dad ended up coming back home before my brother but he was very tired from work so i didn’t want to bother him with the task plus it was also late. my brother came home with double of what i asked for and when my mom saw that he actually bought me them she was mad! “why the hell did you buy those? aren’t you embarrassed?” my brother just answered “no? why would i be embarrassed? would you rather her bleed without using one?” and she just stayed silent. the next day it was just my mom and i and she said that i shouldn’t ask them to buy me that type of stuff and i should only ask her or my dad because it isn’t “appropriate”. i told it really shouldn’t matter who i ask and what how would she act if my brothers get gfs and they need to buy them. i mean i did already know that my mom would be upset and my dad was home i could’ve just asked him but i honestly didn’t think it would be such a big deal so aita? (sorry for my bad grammar and english)

aita for asking my brother to buy me pads?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u3qqym/aita_for_asking_my_brother_to_buy_me_pads/

2022-04-14 20:35:32

nta your parents’ attitude toward periods and period products is not only absurd, but actively harmful to both you and your brothers. i’m glad your brother doesn’t seem to have absorbed their attitudes toward menstruation. talking about it is not a big deal, and asking your brother to help you out is not a big deal.

nta. brothers are incredibly resilient and can persevere when given the opportunity, even in the tampon aisle 🤣 my mom thought my brother couldn't handle girl stuff and i told him it was not a secret. he is raising a daughter now, has two stepdaughters and a wife so he i consider my efforts to normalize periods necessary awkwardness! he is handling it like a champ and checked with me about stuff that worked for me because his wife is squeamish even after having 4 kids and having two other daughters go through puberty. i am glad my niece has a parent who wants to understand her needs and how to be a good supportive parent.

nta. you have a good brother and your mom is ta

nta- your bro is a good guy and you're actually helping him make periods normal since your mom seems to be stuck in the dark ages with her views on them. you're mom is the dramatic one here, you did the right thing.

nta, your mom is overreacting a lot.

asking for pads is basically the same as asking for toilet paper. a period is a bodily function you can't stop and asking for the materials to take care of the function is nothing you should be embarrassed about. i understand it's for a vagina, and maybe your mom finds that inappropriate but well...its just not. your mom has an old fashioned mindset, and it's nothing you need to pay attention to. you did the right thing and your brother sounds really helpful! nta.

nta op, your mom needs to back off and start to accept the fact that there’s nothing embarrassing about a woman having her period. i mean for crying out loud she’s more concerned about her son, your brother possibly being a little “embarrassed,” than her daughter bleeding through her clothes and on house furniture because she’s out of pads. op your brother is the mvp! the fact he didn’t give a crap about any “embarrassment” because making sure you had what you needed was his top priority is the prime example for how a male sibling should be willing to help out his female siblings when this situation comes up.

nta. women bleed. he knows this. your family knows it. he was perfectly fine with getting them if it meant helping you. your moms ta here honestly.

not only are you nta but massive bonus points to you and your brother for not following in the footsteps of your parents and breaking a cycle.

geez. nta, but your mom is totally dysfunctional about women's periods. the 'taboo-ness' of it all is sooooo old, i am so glad to see you and your brother cool about it. this is awesome. you have someone to help you out and your brother is learning from you how to normalize this stuff which will in turn make him that much better of a brother/ boyfriend/husband/father. if your mom pushes this issue, tell her it's her hang up, and the rest of the world is beyond the old-school embarrassment of it all.

BENIGN

i (21m) have a strained relationship with my parents. they are involved in pretty much every social event/circle in our city be it chuch, school, clubs etc. for them, what over people think is the most important thing. for that, they will lie about pretty much any "bad" thing that could potentially tarnish their standing and have forced my sister (24f) and i to behave in certain ways or follow specific rules. some examples: * my sister and i were not allowed to play with certain kids in our school or neighbourhood because their parents were in trade rather than academics. my parents forced me to stop talking to a really close friend in middle school because his parents got divorced. * when i got caught smoking in high school, my parents made up a "distant uncle" with drug problems and told everyone he influenced me. * my sister came home one day introducing her spanish boyfriend to my parents. they didn't like that so they told everyone the boyfriend is an exchange student that we are housing. * my mother ones made up a bunch of stuff about a neighbouring couple, stuff like "her husband is cheating" "she does porn to pay the bills". of course she always claims to have heard it from someone else, who heard it from someone else etc... i could list plenty more but text limit. now recently i was near my hometown visiting a friend and i ran into the leader of a church group i was part of. i was pretty engaged in that group so we sat down for a coffee and talked about the good old times. he asked be about my studies and how my fiance is doing. i was confused and told him i'm not studying and don't have a fiancée. turns out my parents made up a bunch of lies to cover the fact that i decided to go for an apprenticeship and turned out to be gay. one thing led to another and together we went over a lot of incidences and stories from the past, with me exposing more and more lies. the reults could be seen a few days later, my parents called me very angrily asking me "how could i do this to them" "you ruined our lives" "we can never talk to the neighbours again". i told them their entire reputation is build on lies and spreading rumors, that it is disgusting they even call themselves christians at this point and that i'm done being part of their little scheme. my sister later called me after mom called her in tears. she is torn, on one side she gets me (as already gone minimal contact with my parents) on the other hand it solved nothing but hurt my parents.

aita for exposing my parents lies and damaging their reputation

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nmt7ky/aita_for_exposing_my_parents_lies_and_damaging/

2021-05-28 08:32:32

sounds like you didn't even know that you were 'exposing' them until it was too late. someone asks a question about your life, and you answer. its your fault your parents' didn't tell you want to say. (/j) nta

nta - c'mon, admit it. "distant uncle" not only taught you to smoke, but he was also the head of the local group promoting the gay agenda. probably promoted vaccination against covid as well. /s

nta. consequences of their own actions, really.

nta that pile of lies was just waiting to fall part. you can only invent a certain amount of bullshit before you get caught when someone goes "what? no." they only have themselves to blame for building their castle on sand.

i was slightly leaning toward one judgment till i read the whole thing. no, you're definitely **nta** here. you didn't do it out of anger or spite. you were confronted with something about yourself that wasn't true, so it was time to finally expose the lies.

it might not solve anything and just hurt your parents, but your parents are not nice people at all, who hurts others for their own gain. their lies will always come back to bite them, and that they are suprised by that is so weird. what do they think will happen if someone else gossips about something first, or says something contradictory? do they just lie and say ‘that’s what they heard’? nta

nta because your parents made their bed by lying to their neighbours. you mentioned that you knew this would happen when you spoke to the church leader so i have to ask what did you hope to accomplish?

nta. you know what they say about karma 😉

> on the other hand it solved nothing but hurt my parents. you're wrong about this. all those slanderous lies your parents spread have now been exposed. you weren't your parents' only victims. now everyone knows your parents can't be trusted and you've saved whoever else they were going to target. you're nta.

nta. exposing compulsive liars who have hurt not just their children, but god only knows how many others is not something to condemn. it is akin to watching as an arsonist sets fire to a building, only to get trapped inside and burned because of his own actions. your parents liked to set fires, well, now they got caught in one of their own making.

BENIGN

i work at a mall as a janitor. all of the employees here have a uniform that identifies as us as employees of the mall. i wear this uniform to and from work, which means even after my hours i tend to get stopped by people asking for directions. no problem, i don't mind pointing people in the right direction off work. yesterday on my way to my car i got stopped by a group of teens, 3 girls 3 boys from what i could see, about 15-16 years. i pointed them towards the gamestop, which was exactly in the direction i was headed. awkward, but they sped up to walk in front of me & returned their attention to their group. we walk by the side of the hall for a little bit before a group of three teenage boys, 16-17, saunter down next to me. the tallest of the group advances forward and smacks the ass of one of the girls before falling back, laughing with his friends, and ducking into one of the nearby stores. said girl looks back, obviously upset, but either doesn't catch the guy or doesn't want to. her friends are upset on her behalf but can't do anything either. i don't tolerate this behaviour. i follow the boys into the store, some hot topic-esque store targeted at teens, and approach them and say (not verbatim but as close as i can remember): "we have a zero-tolerance policy for harrassment of any kind. i'm going to have to ask you to leave." we do, actually, have a zero tolerance policy. the same tallest one answers, "look, we were just messing around." i repeat: "we have a zero-tolerance policy, although you are welcome to wait inside at any of the entrances and wait for a ride." they squabble with me for a little, same argument, but give it up as a bad job after i threaten to call security (even though i didn't really have any means to call security). i drop them off at the entrance i'm leaving at, ask one of the people working behind the counter at the closest store to make sure they leave, and then leave feeling like i had at least done something good. now i'm not so sure. for one, my ability to "ask people to leave" as a janitor is iffy at best. we do have a zero-tolerance policy but usually i leave it up to someone that isn't a janitor to take care of it. second, i wasn't even working then, technically. i don't regret giving the boys some consequences for their actions but aita for doing it like this? was there a better way to handle it?

aita for pretending to be a working employee & kicking someone out?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/emz7nl/aita_for_pretending_to_be_a_working_employee/

2020-01-10 23:33:47

nta you are the everyday hero we all need. well played.

nta -- the only risk you put was on yourself to get in trouble, and you did it for a good cause. the only way you'd be the asshole is if this came to bite you in the ass (not very likely), and then you'd have just been the asshole to yourself.

nta, off hours or not, you're still an employee and your actions were justified on behalf of the mall. you used your authority appropriately to not only stop harassment, but teach those boys a lesson. they'll think twice before doing it ever again, they got lucky it was just a warning.

nta - you did a good deed. screw if you had authority or not you did the right thing that's what matters.

nta. i wish there were more people like you around! thank you for what you did.

nta at all. well done - you did the right thing. i'd honestly even report it to there mm parents if possible.

nta. excellent job!

nta.

nta. i hope someone you work for hears about this, you deserve some recognition for it

nta, they harassed that young lady. the boys don't know any different. it was fine.

BENIGN

ok so not actually at the point of doing this just yet as we are waiting to see what happens with christmas first. so i f26 met my partner m31 last year. things happend very quickly and we welcomed our first child together this september. now he has another child f11 who i absolutely love. he has full custody of her and her bio mum is not even in the picture hasn't been for years. even though she is not biologically mine she is still my daughter whether we share the same blood or not. daughter and partner have not had the best of luck when it comes to women in there lives ( bio mum was abusive to my partner and just didn't care about daughter, and most recent ex was controlling and didn't treat there child and daughter the same her kid was always favoured by her. me and daughter are quite close she always gets happy and has a big smile on her face when i call her daughter or say my kids. however due to past things she does have a few issues that are understandable. so this christmas we've spent the same on both kids so its fair and they're equal. my brother has got either presents or money for both. the issue is my dad and his wife. my brother is bringing presents up from them tomorrow. however it sounds like they've only gotten our son something and not my daughter. he's got his own card and 2 presents. daughter is put on one card with me and her dad. they haven't asked what she wants or even stated that they're giving her anything. i am hoping to god that they have as the way we see it she is their grandchild too. we don't want her to feel left out or like she is less then to my family. she wouldn't say anything but we know she would be really gutted to be treated differently to her brother especially with the issues she has. and i just can't have that its not right on her. so if they haven't got her anything wibta if i spoke with them and told them that in future they either get for both kids or none at all?

wibta if i tell my dad and his wife that they either get for both kids or not at all

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rc3w7g/wibta_if_i_tell_my_dad_and_his_wife_that_they/

2021-12-08 23:26:46

nta - but you need to have the conversation now before those presents enter your house. your son will not remember not getting anything from his grandpa on his first xmas, but your daughter will absolutely remember that your dad didn't get her anything but got her brother something. ask your dad if he got presents for both kids, and if he says no then tell him it's both or neither. the fact that he hasn't asked you what she likes is pretty damning, but it's always good to get the facts instead of assuming. if those presents do get into your house, then do not let your daughter see them until you have confirmed that there is a separate present for her.

ywnbta and i'd speak to them right now rather than wait.

nta if she's your family they can either get on board or get out. at that age she'll act like it's not a big deal but it'll be a huge deal. assuming you stay with him it's going to cause a very strained relationship down the road for her and your folks. it'll hurt her. and that's the point to stress. they'll be actively hurting a little girls feelings. is that who they want to be?

nta. in fact i would speak to them ahead of time & feel out the situation so it doesn’t even get to the point of upsetting your daughter.

nta. please don't rectify this mess after your daughter had suffered the disappointment and humiliation of not getting a present. have a gift or two in reserve for her to give from your dad and his wife. put it under the tree or take both gifts and give them at the same time to both children saying "from grandpa and his wife". once the kids are doing their own thing take your dad and his wife aside and say that you covered for them this time but next time they either get something for both children or nothing for either child. same goes for birthdays. good luck

they met an 11 yo last year. she’s not their granddaughter, and you shouldn’t tell them she has to be, and she’s not your daughter. they should have bought her something anyway, that would be the kind thing to do. nta because it’s a fair thing to ask. the child’s father is a slight a for allowing his daughter to bond constantly with different ‘mothers’

nta, blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of womb. if they need to respect the family you are building or they shouldn’t be apart of it at all.

nta but need info: did your parents meet your new family? from your past relationships they might be more open to accept a boyfriend than a teenage granddaughter. it is kinda hard on them too. you got a baby from someone who you met a year ago, you are not engaged and its too early to think those things, if they haven't met with them i can kinda understand the struggle of accepting but nothing for the girl is too cruel. also since you are kinda new couple maybe they want to see where this relationship goes before committing your daughter. idk it's all possibilities.

nta if they haven't got anything for your daughter they're just been incredibly selfish.

nta but i’d get ahead of this before it happens.

BENIGN

i know this already sounds like a shitpost, but i stg i'm 100% serious. i was making a long drive with 3 friends, and had to go really badly in the middle of the drive. they told me to suck it up because we were almost back to my friend's place, so i said sure, whatever. when we were almost there, i noticed that the 3 of them were texting and kind of laughing, but i brushed it off. it turns out they decided to "prank" me, by rushing into the home immediately after parking and locking themselves each in a bathroom so i couldn't go. after banging and yelling for a few minutes, i threw my hands up and decided to go in my friend's sink (the bathroom was the kind where the toilet is in its own little room and the shower and sinks are outside of it). when he heard me going, he started to freak out and said it was disgusting, his toothbrushes were nearby, etc etc. but i felt like it was his own fault since he knew how badly i needed to relieve myself. one of the other two friends was on my side and thought it was hilarious payback, while the other agreed that it was gross. it's kind of turned into a thing and now our entire friend group has heard about it and everyone's taking sides. while i feel justified, i do agree that it was kinda gross so i'm not sure whether or not i was an ah.

aita for urinating in my friend's sink because of a prank?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vumclg/aita_for_urinating_in_my_friends_sink_because_of/

2022-07-08 22:14:51

gross, admittedly, but an epic comeback. his fault for purposefully blocking the bathroom. because he's the bigger ah here, nta.

nta. they asked for it. what should you have done? pissed on the carpet? they totally brought that on themselves, and honestly that's a pretty low impact/lighthearted prank for young people (sorry to assume you're in your teens or 20s?).

gross but nta. at least it wasn't poop.

nta. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

nta - what did they expect after knowing how badly you had to go? would they rather you wet your pants and have it drip onto the flooring or stain the carpet? they played a stupid game, they got their stupid prize. you can’t be expected to hold your urine to the point it could become medically dangerous just because they wanted to play a “prank.” you relieved yourself in the best possible way given the circumstances.

nta when you gotta go, you gotta go. your friends suck. i hate people who 'prank' friends

nta. when you gotta go, you gotta go.

lmfao. nta. your friends' prank was kind of funny, but your response was the (literally) natural response. would he have preferred if you peed all over ther floor?

nta - but i definitely would’ve said if you don’t come out now i’m peeing in your sink

nta did they prefer you peed on the carpet or sofa?

BENIGN

my boyfriend (29m) and i (22f) recently decided to move in together. we’ve been together for 1.5 years. i am currently renting an apartment and he has a house that he bought just before we started dating. before moving in together, we thought it’d be best to discuss finances. he’s a doctor and i’m a social media manager. he told me how much he makes and it was more or less what i expected. when i told him how much i make, he kind of laughed and said i’m supposed to tell him how much i make per month, not per year. i told him no, that’s how much i make per month. his shock was understandable to me- i make 150% of his salary. i told him that it’s just because i work for a client in a country where the currency is nearly 20x stronger. if i had this same job in our country, i would only make a quarter of what he does. i don’t live an extravagant lifestyle so you wouldn’t be able to tell that i make as much money as i do by just looking at me. i still live in a small apartment that i got when i was making less than 20% of what i make now, and i never learned how to drive (i know, i know) so i don’t have a car and get around exclusively by e-hailing services. once the initial shock wore off, he said that’s great, because now i can pay half of his mortgage. i was a little taken aback by that. i mean, it’s not like i wasn’t going to contribute to the household at all. i would’ve been happy to buy groceries, pay utilities and cook and clean because my workload is much lighter than his. i told him this and that i wouldn’t pay half his mortgage. he retorted that since i make so much more than him that the least i could do is pay just half the mortgage and that we could go half on groceries and utilities. i told him that that’s a little unfair because if we break up, he gets a house and i’m left with nothing, and that if that’s going to be the case i would rather stay in my apartment. i offered up a compromise. his house is sparsely decorated to say the least. he has 2x 1 seat couches, a table that’s too big and a tv that’s too small. oh, and a bed. he’s never really there, so i get it. i told him that i would furnish the entire house and get the groceries, cook and clean, and we’d go half on utilities. but he still insisted that i pay half of the mortgage. he said that i still need a place to live, and that if i was going to be paying rent anyway, paying his mortgage would be the same thing. he said i’m being an a-hole for not wanting to pay it. my boyfriend is a smart man so i don’t know if he doesn’t see the logic (or lack thereof in my opinion) of what he’s saying or if i’m being dumb and it’s not a big deal. aita for not wanting to pay half of my boyfriend’s mortgage? note: i would’ve been happy to pay half of his rent. it’s not about the money. it’s about the principle. edit 1: i will come back to add more information when i have some time, but for now i will say that half the mortgage he wants me to pay is 3x my current rent.

aita for refusing to pay half of my boyfriend’s mortgage?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sdesj4/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_half_of_my_boyfriends/

2022-01-26 19:55:47

nta please continue to live on your own terms, but your own place or pay rent. your boyfriend isn’t even interested in figuring out what your reasonable portion of rent would be. he just wants to cash in on your help. he sounds entitled.

nta. i think what’s bugging you is that he made a declarative statement about you making half of his mortgage payment without asking you. that’s how i read it. edit : thank you so much for the awards!

nta yikes. he is demanding you pay for his house and you guys are only 1.5 years into dating? it sounds a bit like his ego was hurt after learning how much you make and his retaliation is trying to guilt you into this. don’t do it. pay for utilities / monthly mortgage, etc., but do not give him any sway over using all your money as benefit to him and only him.

nta - do not pay the mortgage as long as your name isn’t on the deed. so how would this have gone if you earned a lot less then him? would he still have expected you to pay half of his mortgage? sorry to say but it seems he got $$-signs in his eyes the moment he learned that you are well off. please don’t let him take advantage of you just because you are in love.

nta but if i could offer a compromise you might like if you really want to proceed with living together... make up a contract (get it notarized or whatever necessary to legitimize it,) that states if you help pay down his mortgage and should you two break up he has to buy you out for all the months you helped pay that loan of his down... if you get married he signs you into the mortgage so you're protected in case of divorce that way he doesn't feel like you're getting a free place to stay while earning a sufficiently larger salary but you can feel assured that you havent been taken advantage of financially if things were to end lemme know if you see this op and best of luck

nta, strictly speaking because he’s treating you as a tenant and not a significant other. plus you said the mortgage is 3x your current rent. because you don’t want to pay that (which is understandable) you offered to stay at your own apartment or move in and furnish/pay utilities/groceries, which is a fair trade. he’s looking to use you because of how much you’re making. stand your ground.

esh. you boyfriend is acting at least mildly entitled by immediately saying that you should pay half his mortgage. it sounds a bit presumptuous and greedy, to be honest. almost as if he is grabbing at your salary now that he knows how much you make. however ... i don't like your attitude either. i'd you move into a house that he owns then you should pay somethinga for the space. that amount might be a few hundred dollars. it might be half the mortgage. it might be the whole mortgage. the amount doesn't matter so much as the fact that the two of you need to arrive at a number that is mutually agreeable for the two of you and does not beggar either one of you. personally, i think half of the monthly mortgage payment is fair. but that is only my opinion. the important thing is that it needs to be an amount the two of you agree on. overalls the two of you need to stop thinking of yourselves and each other as piggy banks and start thinking of yourselves as a team. otherwise, cohabitation is not going to work well.

yta. anywhere you rent, you’re going to be paying someone else’s mortgage. if you move in with your boyfriend, you should be paying market rent for that area. your bf will technically be your landlord. so refusing to pay rent if you move in makes you an ah. you should be expected to pay rent, half of utilities, and half of groceries but not pay for any house maintenance or repairs. just like a renter. if you get married, then you should refinance the mortgage together and get both your names on the deed. however if paying half the mortgage is out of your comfortable price range then nah for not wanting to move in.

nta. like you said, only he gets the house if you break up. you should contribute something if you are living there, but not half the mortgage.

it sounds like your bf is trying to get out of paying half the mortgage. he bought the house before you started dating. i say your compromise was pretty fair. you two are partners, not landlord/tenant. it also seems like his fragileness got the best of him, and that he can't handle a woman making more than him. you're absolutely right in saying that if you guys broke up, then you'd be left with nothing. if you're going to be paying half the mortgage, then you should have him add your name to the title. nta

BENIGN

i(15m) told my half sister(30f) and mother(54f) that i no longer wish to watch my sisters children when we visit them or they visit us. every time we go to their house to visit, they always just sit and make me watch the two children. (3m & 1f) even though it is their house. it’s even worse when they come to our house. i’m made to feed both children at the same time while my mother and sister just sit on the couch or just talk about whatever. i’m pretty sick of it. i’ll give some other examples: earlier today the one child was jumping on the trampoline while the other wanted to get on too. i was directing the other child to go back to her mother but didn’t want to listen. (obviously not because she’s a one year old) the other child then wanted to jump out of the trampoline which he would hurt himself doing. and my mother and sister just sat about 20 feet away watching me doing nothing to help. i’m made to feed the children my own food that i’ve cooked for myself. hotdogs, pizza, just anything in general. and the mothers excuse is that they’re children they should be able to eat whatever since they’re young. some fiber bars i bought with my own money she let the one child take a bite out of then just leave it on the floor. they even let the children go into my room and take my things. one morning i was woken up to the one child in my room unsupervised completely destroying all my stuff. when i tell them all this, they just brush me off and tell me that i’m a big help because my sisters husband (brother in law 34m) isn’t that great of a father. i’m about to lose it on them because i don’t believe i’m being payed to watch these young children by myself for 2 hours everyday. i’m always expected to feed them and watch them. i never get to do anything i want. i’m even forced to play them videos on my phone whenever the other two’s phones work perfectly fine. but no. aita?

aita for telling my sister and mother that i don’t want to watch my sisters kids every time we see them?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w5o0zm/aita_for_telling_my_sister_and_mother_that_i_dont/

2022-07-22 22:58:12

nta. helping family is good but you shouldn't just be expected to be free labor. it sounds like some boundary setting on your part would be good.

nta and you should simply just start locking yourself in your room and repeat “unless i’m being paid and until you guys learn to respect me and my time i’m not a babysitter”. also-you need to lock anything you buy with your own money in your room. i’m sorry you’re dealing with the op. your family is taking advantage of you.

if your sister's husband isn't a great father, then what does that make your sister? clearly she isn't interested in parenting them herself and is just looking for a free babysitter. the fact your mother just lets this happen is appalling. you're not the parent here, she is. stand your ground and tell them to kick rocks unless they're going to pay you for your time and service. nta.

nta. hi, i’m in your mom’s age bracket - 51. they’re both abdicating responsibilities and dumping them off on you. all the adults are dropping the ball. way to go for them not thinking of the long-term consequences of their actions. 🙄 yeah, it’s a few hours, but they’re not asking you to do this! they’re dumping it on you. ridiculous. these aren’t your kids. the issues you’re having with food and your things are only causing you to lose respect for all the adults.

nta. some tips: * get a locking doorknob for your door. youtube will be very helpful for installation. * find any reason at all to be out of the house while your sister and the kids are there. even if you're just walking around. one of my hs friends would take a book and sit in the woods to get out of the house (very rural area, pre-internet).

nta. your mom and sister are being horrible. next time they come over, go to your room and barricade the door.

nta her kids are not your responsibility plus you're a teenager???!!??!! if your sister doesn't want to take care of her kids, she should pay a babysitter. honestly i am so sorry your mother is enabling this behaviour

>"...my sisters husband (brother in law 34m) isn’t that great of a father..." i would probably have responded that she's not that great a mother and an absolute $#&t sister. nta i don't know if you have a way out of the besides weaponized incompetence. jack them up with all the sugar you can, let them paint the walls and cut each other's hair. then hand that mess back to your sister.

nta. it's one thing to watch them occasionally or get paid, but you should get a choice. sotheir mom and grandmother are close by. one of them can respond if a kid needs something. i'd leave for a walk head to a friend's house, if you know they are coming over, or do homework. it's too bad that your sister is making your resent spending time with your niece or nephew. aunts and uncles can be a really special person in a kid's life.

nta. not your kids, not your responsibility. your sister made the decision to have children, she bears the responsibility to care for them. if she does want some down time then she needs to pay for childcare. it is a parents job to parent. not the brother/uncle. further if she wants them to eat your food that you purchased with your own money she needs to reimburse you. i would personally stop visiting their house and when she pops up i would be walking out the door saying i had plans. if she fed them my food i would email her an invoice or tell her you need her credit card to add to your ubereats account to buy them pizza, burgers or whatever. alternatively you can tell her no problem, i will watch the kids for $20 per kid, per hour and tell her to order lunch for the kids and you.

BENIGN

throwaway because i'm embarrassed i may be a bad sister and daughter. so i am getting married and am thrilled about that, but when i think of the events i should look forward to, suddenly i dread them a bit because i have a sibling who ridicules me. an example is that she generally makes derisive comments about my appearance like the subtle "this is too big for me... maybe you want it" or more outright "some of us care about our bodies, so won't eat that crap. it's why you look like that" usually referencing trying something like cheese (she's an off and on vegan, but thinks dairy is bad) or a dessert at family gatherings. it's not just weight she focuses on, but it's her favorite. here's the thing though, i'm in good shape (i'm a decent swimmer and runner with a petite build) and neither of us has ever been overweight. i feel this comes from her past with eating disorders and current mental health issues, so she lashes out to make herself feel better. and i still love her, but i won't lie it doesn't make me want to hang out with her. but my mother says i only have one sister and thinks i'm being unfair by not inviting her to shop for a dress. she believes my sister is changing so i should trust her to behave, despite her mental health crisis just last week and that she sabotaged a family trip, causing drama by skipping at the last minute in weeks prior (i wasn't there so am taking my father's and extended family's word as true). my sister is fun sometimes and has good points, so i am considering it. i mentioned her opinion to my fiance, but he said she makes him worry about me (she sometimes threatens to hit), and her meltdown last week we both have a difficult time seeing her as a mature adult who won't cause problems. i think it's nice he's supportive, but he's clearly biased because he doesn't want me to be hurt- he probably doesn't care if i'm a shit sister. i know it's selfish, but i really would like to just be happy and not be anxious about snide comments made while buying a dress. it's incredibly shallow, but i just want to feel confident and i never feel that way knowing that my sister may come in with another "you were always the smart one, so who cares if you're not pretty?" it sounds weird but i live far away from family and usually feel great about myself and my looks and i have a hard time when she's around. it makes me just want to ensure i'll have quality time with my mom with no one to pick on me or start crying about every lunch place being bad for her diet, because i hardly see my mom and just want to have fun with her this time. yes, it's such a little thing, but it's how i feel. tldr: i'm getting married and buying a wedding dress. am i a massive butt if i don't invite my sister who picks on my appearance out of my selfish desire to enjoy the experience with my mom and feel confident in the dress we pick?

wibta for not inviting my sister to wedding things because i don't want my feelings hurt?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cnaove/wibta_for_not_inviting_my_sister_to_wedding/

2019-08-07 19:52:05

nta. there’s nothing ‘shallow’ about wanting to shop for clothing without someone making shallow comments about your appearance.

nta. i wouldn't want someone who made body comments coming along to a pivotal moment involving my body and how i wore clothing. even if your sister acts like an adult, there's all that baggage from prior statements and you'd be wondering.

nta. do not include her - she is toxic and horrible, and dumping her mental illness all over you. invite her to the wedding when your husband will be there to have your back, but don't include her in dress shopping and whatnot - she will ruin it, and then you will resent her when you think back. go with your mum, or if your mum is going to be a pain, go with a good girlfriend.

nta. tell your mother if your sister apologizes she'll be invited.

nta. she had a meltdown last week, how much is she really changing? you deserve to feel confident and beautiful in the leadup to your wedding and certainly in your dress, and if your sister has shown that she will actively not allow that to happen, she doesn't get the privilege of helping you select your dress.

nta. just make it a day with you and your mother. she doesn't need to be there. at some point, you are your sister should consider therapy if you want a healthy relationship.

nta if she can't keep her negative comments to herself, you should not be forced to make your wedding planning unpleasant. this is supposed to be a fun time where you feel beautiful and it sounds like she will crap all over that. if you do decide to include her, tell her 100% absolutely zero comments about your appearance. even ban her from complimenting you so she can't disguise insults as compliments.

nta. sounds like your sister makes you feel bad. nobody should have to deal with that crap, not even from your family members. as long as she’s invited to the wedding i don’t think you need to involve her in any more than is absolutely necessary.

nta your wedding and it's planning should bring pleasure to your life. in the case of a body shaker being invited to an event where she can so easily "lash out" it seems clear she should not get the invite. there are perhaps some other small tasks you can include her on, where she can earn some trust, if you like. maybe decorations, seating arrangements, or things that are clearly this or that? you don't have to appease her or your mother but maybe you can find other ways to involve your sister. dress shopping could easily be mom and a bestie or whatever.

nta as long as you don’t completely exclude her from the wedding you have a right to not invite her to these things

BENIGN

my chihuahua had 7 puppies recently. they are adorable and when they are old enough i will be finding them homes. my mom really wants one shes even offered to pay. but i do not want my mom having one of my puppies. my mom is a hoarder, we cant visit her house because of all the clothes piled to the ceiling in every room multiple piles. shes also an animal hoarder. a few years ago she got in legal trouble for having 56 dogs in city limits. legally shes not allowed to have animals after that but she currently has 10 dogs, 2 cats and 2 fish. i fear for the puppy if i allow her to take one. it will not get care amd will probably have to fight for food. my mom keeps guilt tripping me saying im a horrible person, i would rather see the puppies go to abusive homes then hers. she's even offered $80 for just one. but i don't want her having one because my fear is it will be abused at her house. i will make sure all puppies find a loving home before giving them up. so reddit am i the asshole for trying to protect my puppies from her?

aita for not giving my mom a puppy?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gjp7ph/aita_for_not_giving_my_mom_a_puppy/

2020-05-14 16:05:06

nta. honestly i’d report her for the animals she currently illegally has as well but that’s just me. i definitely would not give her a puppy. if you want to avoid arguments just say you’re selling for more than $80 and you don’t think she can afford the actual price. or maybe say all puppies are accounted for and have good homes already? i have a chi/jack russell mix and a lot of people in my family have chis and they’re a very needy breed from what i’ve seen. i can’t imagine a chi doing well in what is basically a large a pack of dogs fighting for food and not getting enough attention.

yta because you haven't turned her in for having animals that she legally is not allowed to have. yes, you're right to protect your puppy, but what about all those other animals who are currently suffering?

nta but a couple things. have your dog spayed. report your mother to the county. get your mother to counseling. this is a bad situation all around and no one is benefiting from it.

> i would rather see the puppies go to abusive homes then hers. nta but you're skirting close if you're trying to protect yourself from drama to the point that you're still enabling your mother. don't sugarcoat it. hers is an abusive home. tell her until she gets her mental illness treated and under control you will never pass an animal into her care. make it clear. and get your dog fixed.

nta. “mom. you already have animals illegally. i’m not going to participate in your breaking the law.”

nta. you know your mom’s house wouldn’t be good for the puppy. don’t let her guilt trip get to you.

nta animal hoarding and hoarding in general would be very unhealthy for the puppy. you're doing the right thing by protecting their health and having an interest in their futures.

nta a breeder's *first* responsibility and consideration is for the welfare of the lives they create. you did well.

nta at all, also i’d add the fact that the lil bab was already pregnant when you got her so people stop jumping all over that. i love my mom chihuahua so if you have puppy pics 👀

nta. you could be breaking the law providing her animals if legally she can not own animals.

TOXIC

my friend (f/37) recently decided to end her marriage with her husband. i (f/32) offered to host her temporarily at my house while she figured out her next steps. at the time of writing this, she’s been living with me for about a month and has moved all of her things into my house. in the beginning of her stay, she had to take a temporary leave from work due to an injury. however, that temporary leave gradually kept extending, and now she’s out of work and is trying to find a new job with no success so far. because of her situation, i was happy to offer her my home, thinking that it would be temporary. i even offered her my bed because of her injury, and i’ve been sleeping on the couch since she arrived. this is perfectly fine with me. however, her behavior since arriving is what has been making me reconsider her stay. i rent a small, two-bedroom home equipped with basic necessities. because i have a pretty busy lifestyle, it’s not necessary for me to have many gadgets at home, which means i don’t have a tv. when i want to watch something, i either do so on my laptop, desktop, or phone. one of her many complaints is that i don’t have a tv. despite having explained to her multiple times my reason, she insists that i get one so that she can play her nintendo switch on a big screen. other instances that have bothered me: - her dictating that i need to get a new toaster because my current one burned her toast (even though i’ve never had that issue) - her downloading games on my desktop pc without consulting me and playing for hours on end - her demanding that i get better internet because the speed is not what she’s used to - her replacing the old shower caddy in the bathroom without consulting me - her dissatisfaction with the bacon i bought because it wasn’t the expensive brand that she wanted - misc. bad guest behavior like leaving lights on when not in use and leaving dishes unwashed in the sink i can see that it may take some time for her to get her bearings, but i’m not sure just how much more of her behavior i can take. i no longer feel comfortable or relaxed when i get home from work, and sometimes i question whether this is even my home anymore. we’ve been friends for over a decade now, so part of me feels like i would be an asshole if i asked her to leave, but i also want to be able to enjoy living in my own house. wibta?

wibta if i asked my friend to move out of my house?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zhevk5/wibta_if_i_asked_my_friend_to_move_out_of_my_house/

2022-12-10 01:18:51

nta. she's gone beyond being an annoying guest to being horrifically rude and entitled. no right thinking person moves all their stuff into someone's home, doesn't contribute anything, makes zero plans to stop infringing on their hospitality and then has the audacity to demand they start buying new things because the amenities provided somehow aren't good enough to keep them living in the manner to which they have become accustomed. at this point, unless she vacated immediately, apologized profusely, and gave a really damn good excuse for being completely out of her mind, that friendship would be over for me. friends don't take advantage of your kindness like that. if you have any indication that she's the kind of person to lose her temper and salt the earth when angered, you should take pictures of the current condition of your apartment, especially any expensive possessions. before telling her, take any smaller expensive items you might have and get them out of your house to be safe (e.g. any jewelry or important documents you don't already have in a safe). if you have serial numbers of any expensive electronics, i'd also write those down before breaking the news to her. also think of secretly putting up cameras in the public areas of the house. well balanced people don't usually act like her, so it might protect you if she decides to do any major damage on her way out.

*how to make your friend move out in 10 days* 1. **do not get a tv while she’s there. ever.** when she says, “*i need you to get a tv so i can play my switch,*” you say, “*umm… how about… no.*” 2. **do not get a new toaster.** 3. **hide the power cord to your desktop when you’re gone.** if you want to *really* make her miserable, take it with you everywhere you go. 4. **change the password to your wifi.** do *not* give her the new password. if she asks what happened to her wifi, tell her, “*oh, i forgot to tell you. we don’t have wifi anymore.*” 5. **put the old shower caddy back on.** throw away the new one. 6. **start getting the *shittiest* bacon you can find to cook.** also, to add to the effect, make sure hers is burnt to a crisp. 7. **every time she turns a light on, turn it off…** even if she’s still in the room. 8. **tell her she’s banned from using any dishes.** she’s now only allowed to use the cheapest, thinnest, absolute shittiest great value paper plates known to man courtesy of walmart. you know, the kind that when you’re eating, *you accidentally end up eating the plate.* 🧆 if you follow all eight steps, i can 100% guarantee you she’ll be out of your house in no time. :) nta.

nta. at a bare minimum she needs to gtfo of your bedroom. she can sleep on the couch.

nta. she's breached the social contract of hospitality by behaving poorly. it could be that she's externalising her stress about her job and marriage breakdown but it's no excuse. you're totally justified in asking her to go.

nta this is what living with someone is like. there are loads of conflicts of interest. you were kind to help her and it's ok if you're reaching the end of your ability to do so. don't talk about the inconsiderate houseguest stuff. just say that for your own happiness you need your space back. be firm and clear, set a time line.

nta. you did her a kindness. if she so desperately needs all of these additional amenities, she can provide them for herself, she is a grown adult. i would lay down some boundaries with her and make it clear that if she does not begin to show some respect for your home and the comfort you've provided her, then she is free to look elsewhere.

nta. what a mystery that this person’s marriage ended. i just can’t imagine someone wanting to bludgeon themselves in the nizzutz rather than spend another minute sharing a house with a middle-aged brat. change the locks, op, and have her stuff moved into a storage unit. text her that the key is waiting for her at the front office.

nta. she sounds like a mooch.

nta. she seems to have forgotten that she’s a guest and should behave accordingly. this behavior would be obnoxious out of a roommate, and it beyond inappropriate for a guest.

nta. she is being very rude, demanding, and inconsiderate. it’s time to tell her that your offer was for temporary placement and you never agreed that it was an indefinite arrangement. let her know you helped as best you could, but need your space back. give her a date to be out by and stick to it. you have already been more than gracious and accommodating in this situation.

TOXIC

sorry for the long post, i just feel awful. i am a 22-year-old college student. i commute to my college, oh and it takes me 50 minutes to get there. my last class on thursday ends at 1:00, and afterwords i have to sprint to the parking garage that is 10 minutes across campus. most of the time, i barely get to work on time. i have already had a couple of warnings for being a couple of minutes late, and i’m afraid i will be fired if i’m late again. today in class, i noticed on my laptop that it was 1:02. me and three others started to pack our stuff into our bags. jenna, my friend in the class, has another class she hast to rush to to make in time, so she’s in the same boat as me. as soon as i had put everything away, i looked up and my professor was staring daggers at me. he said “ don’t do that, class isn’t over yet”. i replied “ it’s past one, i have to go.” he then shut off the projector and said “ all right everyone, looks like you’ll have to figure this out on your own because apparently it’s one, class is over”. i tried to say that i needed to leave for work or i would be late, but he just shut me down. he then started to go on about how disrespectful and rude i was, and that our generation had no respect. what was i supposed to do? stay the extra six or seven minutes and be late to work, possibly risking the job i have to pay for my basic necessities? jenna texted me and said “i’m so sorry he went off on you, everyone else was getting ready as well”. that made me feel a little bit better, but i feel terrible that he stopped the lecture because of me so other people couldn’t get information. was i being disrespectful? aita?

aita for packing up and leaving once class is over?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qhsijx/aita_for_packing_up_and_leaving_once_class_is_over/

2021-10-28 17:50:39

nta - your professor cant manage his time its not your fault

nta - i get that college isn't like high school, in that it has bells or something to denote when 1 class ends and the next one begins, but your professor should be able to finish the class at the prescribed time. that's like, lesson 1 on classroom management. students have other classes or responsibilities; and it's possible that another class could be waiting for that room. he was already being disrespectful of everyone's time, and then he doubled down by calling you out and making you the scapegoat of his bad management. if he still had things he needed to discuss, he should have said, "okay, we're at time. can everyone stay over to keep going? if not, we'll pick up next time." it's not difficult.

nta. the professor is the one who is disrespectful and rude. so it's okay for him to go over even though it means many students will be late for their next class? is that professor allowed to call them disrespectful and rude as well? send the professor an email explaining your work situation so that you can get through the semester without dreading every period. tuck this experience away for when it comes time for faculty review.

nta, though maybe apologize to him later for disrupting class so you two don’t have problems later. maybe also mention that your work is right after class and you needed to leave at 1 sharp. that way he can anticipate it the next time it happens. not saying you were in the wrong, just saying that nobody wants a prof mad at them

also a college professor here, and a former department chair. i'll admit i've gone over by a minute or two, but always with an apology and giving the time back later. here are practical notes: 1. we generally do not care about rate my professor, and no dean or chair i have ever met cares. even the reviews matter less after tenure (this guy sounds tenured). sorry, but this is like a bad yelp review of walmart...spitting in the wind. 2. we do care about paper trails. document everything, with time stamps. conversations don't help in grade complaints. emails with time stamps and written documentation matter. look up your college's academic complaint policy. it has one, and you need to be ready to protect yourself. if this guy hammers you, you want to be able to produce emails that say "on days x, y, z i explained my situation" 3. study the heck out of that topic that was interrupted. petty ahs will make it a point to include this very thing on the next test. also, please accept an apology from one member of the professor community. we know people like this exist. they make us look bad. most of us care about our students, but some of us are bitter and frustrated and descend into petty power trips. it sucks. it shouldn't happen. students deserve better. nta

nta. at all. but maybe could avoid a future situation like this by ahead of time telling prof about work situation and having to be on time. it’s kinda a gray area with the time class ends versus when professor is done teaching, but it should be a give and take that they understand if someone has to leave and also to not be unreasonable with going overtime

i work at a university where there is a set policy that all classes start five minutes \*after\* the hour (or half hour) and end five minutes \*before\*. so a class i would describe as running from 11;30-1:00 actually is from 11:35-12:55. it only makes sense to build in a little buffer time so students (and instructors!) can run to the next class. nta.

nta complain to you school's administration. he's being rude to students and other professors by not sticking to the campus mandated times for class.

nta. you should email him and explain that if you don't leave at 1 you are in danger of losing your job, which could cost you your education. his poor time management at his job should not effect your job.

nta - your teacher is a bit dramatic. as long as you are courteous when you leave and not making a lot of noise, i don’t see an issue. you are paying to be there, if you miss anything it’s your loss, not your professors.

BENIGN

i haven’t heard from my dad in a month, he’s not responded to me, and lives in scotland (i’m in england). we don’t really talk or see each other all that much. about a month ago i text him informing him of my exciting news, that i had just got engaged to my girlfriend. a month later i still haven’t heard anything from him, my grandma has informed me he told her he is annoyed at me because my text woke him up when he was trying to sleep. it was a friday night and 11:55pm, my dad isn’t a super old guy either so i didn’t think anything of telling him my news. i just thought he’d have reached out by now. am i the asshole?

aita for accidentally waking my dad up at 11:55pm on a friday night to tell him i am engaged?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe6ko1/aita_for_accidentally_waking_my_dad_up_at_1155pm/

2021-10-23 15:05:03

nta at all ! your dad sounds a bit shitty sorry to say

nta. if his sleep was that important he could’ve put the phone on silent or do not disturb. congratulations on the engagement and don’t let the grumpy auld sod ruin it for you, he clearly has some issues beyond the text and they aren’t your problem. as disappointing as the reaction is, try not to let it leave a mark on your happiness.

nta you had texted him not called him, so for him to ignore you because he was disturbed while trying to sleep is just him being petty and small. also your text is about a positive major milestone in both your lives and not some random meaningless thing, so even if it’s late it’s understandable. since he’s so hellbent on ignoring you, just exclude him from any celebration pertaining to your engagement and eventual wedding to save him the trouble

nta news likes this should be reported to loved ones asap. your dad has issues and is holding a grudge over bullshit. this is on him.

nta, that’s really immature and pathetic of him.

nta. my opinion on late nights texts are… if you don’t want them then mute them! you can keep your ring tone on for emergencies. disappointing reaction but don’t let it ruin a happy event for you!

nta you texted him when you got engaged. who stays mad for a month over being woken up by a text from their child in another country?

congratulations on the engagement, first of all. nta. it's not like you phoned him and he would have got the text message at a more convenient time if his phone had been on silent.

nta. my mother would be thrilled to be woken up to the news of my engagement, even if it was at 3am or something. your dad just seems kinda crappy, tbh.

nta. it's really assholish to ghost someone over a late text. even more than that, i'm of the opinion that if a text alert wakes you up, it's your own fault. you should use dnd or set them quieter at night.

TOXIC

throwaway account. on mobile app so i apologize for any wonky formatting for a bit of background, my parents have 5 children, of which i am the oldest. there’s a 8 year age gap between me and my oldest brother, and they started popping my siblings out pretty frequently after he was born. my youngest sister is 6. my childhood and teen years were spent taking care of my siblings. i never went out with friends or dated cute boys because i was always too busy doing dinner,bed and bathtime for 4 children. when i got older, i signed permission slips, and attended recitals and plays like a parent should. when i turned 18, i was made the official emergency contact. even now, the youngest two call me mommy sometimes. about a year ago, my parents told us that they were expecting another baby. i was 21 and had moved out, but i was staying at my parents house to care for my siblings during lockdown while my parents worked their essential jobs. this is pretty shitty, but i wasn’t happy for them. i made it clear that i had no desire to raise anymore children for them. i told them explicitly that they were not to ask me for anything concerning this child because i was ready to start living my life. this past month, they have begun to call me on my days off and asking me if i could watch my new brother because they want to have nights off. i have declined every time. this weekend, when they called and asked, i hung up the phone. my family is pissed and they keep sending angry texts and messages saying that i’m being selfish and that i took it too far. i still don’t feel bad, but i need to know, am i the asshole?

aita for not babysitting for my parents?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nlyd6n/aita_for_not_babysitting_for_my_parents/

2021-05-27 03:16:28

nta - what they're doing is called parentification. it's a form of child abuse. *they* are the ones being selfish. they brought another child into the world. it's their responsibility to parent. you made it perfectly clear where your boundaries are. stand firm. enjoy your life.

nta. not your kids, not your responsibility. they made the choice to have yet another baby and said baby is 100% their responsibility. you owe them nothing. go and live your life!!!!

nta. be prepared to sever from your parents, though; they've been dumping their job on you for so long, they won't take no for an answer. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/parentification

nta. you were an abused child, forced to parent. your parents and family are horrible to try to guilt you. congratulations for standing up for yourself.

nta but op be prepared your siblings are going to turn on you. your parents are refusing to do their jobs as parents. their next course of action, since in their minds you won't fall in line, is to make you brother (whom i am guessing is about 13) take care of the baby. they are going to make your brother replace you as the car giver and they are going to blame you anytime he complains. it's not fair i can't go hang out with my friends, well it is clutchcaptain's fault for abandoning us. i really want to do xyz, well we have to work and someone has to take take care of the baby since clutchcaptain won't. these are the type of people who will blame you for everything that goes wrong from here out. my mother did this to me. told the school her 11 year-old child was responsible for making sure the 6 year-old had his glasses and homework done, had his lunch money and so on. mom kicked me out at 13 and 2 years later had another baby. made my 12 year-old sister his sudo-mom. he started calling my sister mom and boy was our mom pissed (served her right). for years my sister blamed me. said it was my fault she had to become his mom, since i left. 30 years later and we rarely talk.

nta. you told them you would not be babysitting for them in advance. the disrespectful people in this situation are your parents, who are totally ignoring what you told them. you're not being selfish and you took it precisely far enough. you keep telling them no and they refuse to listen. seems to me that hanging up on those repetitive phone calls is exactly the right thing to do. if they want a night out, they can hire a babysitter.

nta. they parentified you at a young age, robbed you of your own childhood and are now so selfish they expect you to still raise their baby? nope nope nope. if they have money to keep having babies, they can find money for a sitter, or stay home. that's life.

nta. where were your nights off/out when you were raising the other 4?

nta- you’ve had your childhood robbed from you and now they expect free labor? no, no fuckin way. they are adults and should know how to use a condom.

you started caring for kids at 8ish and were watching 4 kids at a time at 15ish (if i read and did math right). it seems strange you were capable of caring for kids at 12/13 years old but the next oldest sibling is not. granted, we do not actually want the mantle passed from you to your sibling. just further reason your parents are major ah here. nta.

TOXIC

i (33f) and my now husband (33m) had invited our wedding party years prior to the wedding. i asked my half sister (37f) to be my moh. she excitedly said yes and immediately went out and picked out the dress and took it home. then on the month of our wedding date covid hits and of course everyone has to postpone any plans. we eventually rescheduled and set a new date for a year later, sent out new invites, new bridal party gifts and prepared for the big day. my sister then reconnects with an old flame and they immediately become serious. she abandons her recently purchased home, moves her kids and herself into his home, and begins talking endlessly about marriage when her divorce is final. we had discussions about what her new plans are since she had planned to stay with us in our home and if her new man would be joining. she said that they both would be coming but wanted alone time in a hotel. i understood and definitely didn't mind him coming. the wedding date quickly approaches, we get the final count of bridal party and guests, pay the venue, and excitedly wait. two days after giving the final count and 5 days before the wedding, i get a message from my sister saying they just looked at travel costs and won't be able to make it. i was understandably upset and sad, but i understood if she couldn't afford it, since she had originally planned to drive and changed her mind to flying...but the fact that she had so long to plan ahead made it upsetting. we had made any guests including bridal party aware that we couldn't pay for travel and understood if that meant they couldn't join us. the wedding goes down without any other issues. my side of the bridal party was one short but there isn't time during a wedding to pee, eat, or drink, let alone worry about that. it was a beautiful day and of course i was sad that she wasn't there. my husband and i get in the truck after the wedding ended and he asks me "did you see your sister's post?" he then shows me her facebook announcement of her and her new guy and the kids at a resort they had traveled to that day and pictures of the wedding venue they visited and booked. so...i wasn't truly truly upset until then. i made the decision to unfollow her posts for a while and tried not to stew on it. we got an invite in the mail with her apologies for missing our wedding but she wanted to invite us to her wedding in 2 months time. i ignored it, i haven't said anything to her, and i am pretty sure i threw the invite away. i feel some guilt and like i should be a bigger person than this and there are of course different opinions from people about how this should be handled, but aita?

aita for ignoring my sister's wedding invite after she didn't come to my wedding?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nvc0z1/aita_for_ignoring_my_sisters_wedding_invite_after/

2021-06-08 19:20:54

nta. what she did was just really bad and if i were you i wouldn't respond to the invitation. if she contacts you for an answer, just tell her that unfortunately you've booked a visit to a resort and will be unavailable—but she's welcome to check out your mini-vacation on facebook!

nta. people find the time/money for what’s important to them. she has clearly shown that you are not important to her. she can reap what she does.

nta - fuck being the bigger person here haha i don't even think it applies. she straight up skipped your wedding to look at venues for hers. and then lied to you about it. your actions are justified.

your sister ditches you as your moh. she lies about why they won't be showing up. she then posts a photo of them at a resort... nta, but your sister and her fiancé are major ahs.

nta, but i'd still respond with a no to the rsvp and no explanation.

nta, she claimed she couldn't make it due to travel costs, then she posts online about her and her new beau being at a resort with the kids they traveled to and booked a wedding venue. lol, don't go. that was rude and tacky of them. they knew well in advance when the wedding was.

your braidsmaid, ditched your wedding two days before it happened, lied to you as to why, and then posted her vacation on fb!?!?! oh my goodness, didn't she live with you as well? so, if you slashed her tires you would be an asshole not the asshole. so ... nta

yeah, decline politely. avoid any understandable urge to make spiteful comments or actions. those will only cause the rest of the family to start badgering you. have a good day with your family. it's said the best revenge is living well. that may apply here. don't let her assholianism distract you from having a good life. nta

it's not a crime to ignore it, but you probably should have just rsvp'd no. nta

nta she’s pretty selfish

BENIGN

i (16f) mom died from cancer. my dad got remarried to another person and ended up having more kids. it was really hard on me but i tried (and am still trying) to be supportive because i guess he can replace his wife because people do that all the time but i can't replace my mom. i am not going to lie, it was very difficult to see her in my mom's bed and using the cups my mom drank from, etc. even though its been a few years. it hurts my feelings when she participates in traditions my mom had with us because i personally don't think she has a right, but i also don't like celebrating any of her traditions and going to see her family which i guess makes it hard. i don't say anything about these things because what's the point. my dad's whole personality is different since he married her and had more kids so i have accepted i don't have my dad either and have a countdown app on my phone for when i turn 18, so it feels like there is an end in sight my dad and his wife are not abusive in anyway but i still prefer to elsewhere and don't consider myself part of the family and slowly coming to terms with the fact that my dad did replace my mom and me but that it's ok because he still loves me . it makes me really depressed to be around their kids because (please don't think i am mean for saying this) siblings go through things together and the worst things that have happened to me are things they don't know (mom dying, dad changing, dad getting remarried,etc.) i told my dad and his wife that i would be very uncomfortable if the kids they had together grew up not knowing that i had a mom who died and that was my dealbreaker. i called my stepmom by her first name and my half-brother asked why i don't call her mom and my half-sister said "yeah she is your mom" when i told them that my mom was dead and their mom isn't my mom. my stepmom did explain to them again and i get that they are young but they have been told so many times. i ended up just leaving and driving to my grandma's (mom's mom) and texted my dad i would be there. my dad and his wife kept calling me and texting but i just turned off my phone and took a nap. my dad ended up coming to my grandma's but i refused to see him. my stepmom stopped by today too . so now i would like to know if i am being an asshole. i would like to tell my dad that he failed as a dad and a husband because he still is my dad and will always be my mom's husband and to tell my stepmom that her presence makes me depressed but that would make me an asshole

aita for ignoring my dad and "hiding" at my grandma's

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t9t4ik/aita_for_ignoring_my_dad_and_hiding_at_my_grandmas/

2022-03-08 22:51:03

nta you should consider seeing a grief counselor or group. you are still grieving and you can not see forward yet in life. your father is coping/moving forward but you haven’t yet. hopefully, you can explain it to them but you seem to need time to process all the changes. sorry for your loss.

hi, op. my mom died when i was 14 so i understand where you're coming from. and i'm sorry, but light yta. you grieve in a certain way, and that's fine. everyone grieves differently, including your dad. you're being very unfair to your father. there's nothing wrong with remarrying and finding love again and it absolutely doesn't mean he didn't love your mom. you can love people in different ways, but it doesn't make either love less real. would your mom have wanted him to stay alone forever? you have a lot of resentment towards your dad and stepmom, but from your story, they don't seem to have done anything. you say you don't like her using your mom's stuff, but then talk about cups. i could see being upset by her using or wearing something of sentimental value, but a cup is a basic household ware that you generally wouldn't attribute to either person. it's also not "your mom's bed", it's the bed she and your dad shared. you're removing him from his own possessions. i'm sorry about your mom. it hurts, i know. it sucks. but you said your dad's personality changed. could it be because he's happy? you miss your mom and you're hurt that he doesn't seem to miss her as much as you do, but you don't know what's going on in his head. your stepmom sounds to have been nothing but respectful towards you and makes a point to do as you ask and tell her kids that you have a different mom (you said she told them again so i assume she's talked to them about this before). you're doing your whole family a massive disservice by not talking about this with them. you say you don't say anything because "what's the point", but you need to communicate. after my mom died, my dad started paying way more attention to my little sister, as she'd been closer to my mom while i'd been closer to my dad, but that left me feeling like i'd lost two parents. so i wrote him a letter. i highly recommend getting your thoughts organized on paper. these things are hard to talk about and even harder to not have an emotional reaction to. write this out, let your dad read it. he's probably worried about you but has no idea what's going on and doesn't know how to reach his withdrawn daughter. would it be an asshole move to tell him he failed as a parent? in those many words, yes, but explain to him why you feel that way. you said you go to counseling, could your dad go with you for a session or two?

yta - reading all of your replies, you are a bitter child and the therapy is not helping you. your step mum and your father can’t win with you regardless of anything they try and you’ve openly said this. you want your step mum to “admit she only has her family because your mum died”, kid she knows this already. i get you’re hurting but your an ah. you also can’t be angry your dad hasn’t asked to come sit in at a therapy session with you when you’ve never asked him to because you know he’ll say yes and come with you? like what.

nah or maybe just a little understandable yta. i see nothing your dad or step have done to be ta. siblings do not share all experiences and pain even sharing 2 parents so don't write off the littles. you've been dealt a tough hand, but it seems like they care for you. therapy? look at things from others' perspectives a bit.

soooo at first my opinion was n.a.h but i read through a lot of your comments and i get you’re hurting but dude yta. the things you’ve said in some of these comments are just downright horrible.

young one, you’re suffering from depression. i don’t know what type of therapy you’re in, but i hope there is a bit of medicinal therapy, as well. there are ways to tell your family you are struggling. the best way would be to do so in therapy. you need your therapist there to support you as you explain your feelings. what is it they do that makes it feel that you’re being replaced. parents have more than one child all the time. my sibling has three children with two different people. they adore all three, and the three know they are adored. does your dad give you less attention? does your step-mom act indifferent. anyway, i wish you peace, young one. and there are nah. just a family trying to live as best they can.

yta. your dads relationship with your mother doesn’t mean less because he is with someone else. your mom would not want either of you to stop living and part of living is having relationships with someone else. it doesn’t sound like your step mom is trying to be your mother and isn’t refusing to acknowledge your mothers existence. you are the ah for the way you are treating your siblings because they don’t have a parent that passed away and don’t understand death. it’s kinda horrible to want children to understand that because they would have had to experience it first. you say you are in therapy, i think you need some family therapy. you are grieving and it sounds like anything less than your father being unhappy isn’t good enough for you and that isn’t fair to ask of another person. editing my judgement based on the persons comments.

after reading your comments yta. i understand you’ve lost your mom and that your still grieving but this isnt fair to your dad or stepmom. do you want him to stay alone forever? eventually he has to move on with his life. im sure he loved your mother very dearly but his life isn’t supposed to just stop forever. you also said he likes your stepmom more than your actual mom just because they used the same things. it truly sounds like your going through a-lot right now but how is your dad supposed to know how you feel if you don’t tell him. as much as we all wished it, parents aren’t mind readers. you have to communicate sometimes. i wish you the best and hope you can make your way through the grieving process.

i'll probably get downvoted for this but, op i was on your side until i read all your comments in response to people yta you basically sound like you expect your dad to never be happy/move on with his life. i'm sorry for the loss of your mother, but it is unreasonable to expect that he should never be able to find happiness again because of what happened. everyone deserves love and it is unfair to expect your father to not want that for himself. telling your stepmom/siblings they can't use anything that your mom ever used? you are way outta line there. your comments about your half siblings are awful. what did they ever do to you other than exist? you can't expect them to know exactly how you feel and it sounds like you hate them for no reason other than they aren't from your mother. finally, op sounds like they haven't communicated any of this to the people involved. yeah, you told your therapist and your grandma, but does your dad know? you've assumed he thinks and feels all these ways without ever expressing yourself to him or even giving him a chance to express his feelings as well. as i said op, the loss of your mom is very unfortunate, but you are taking out your hostility on those who haven't really done anything to you. they aren't mind readers. try sitting down and having an actual heart to heart discussion about how you feel and you may be surprised by the outcome.

after reading through the replies by op i am going with yta. it doesn't matter what your dad or stepmum or half-siblings do, you have an irrational misplaced hatred of *checks* literally everything that they do. your stepmum didn't gain anything by marrying your dad because of your mother's death and i'm sorry not sorry but you have zero absolute zero idea if your parents would have remained married if your mother had lived. your dad didn't replace your mum or you, he moved on and is trying to rebuild his life after the death of his spouse. your half-siblings because no matter how you cut it blood and dna don't lie don't know what it's like to loose a parent yes but you can't fault them for not understanding. i hate invoking the memory of someone but honestly op would your mom want you to treat someone like this? if you had went to her would she have been happy over this? you got to stop looking at this as an attack at you and you have to start realizing that you need help, therapy is doing jack for you. or you realize that you want to walk away from it all and if you chose that you can't blame them when you are the one who is literally refusing anything.

BENIGN

my brother (18m), my mother (39f) and i (16m) have lived in the same apartment our whole lives. my mom used to live here when she was a kid, so you can probably tell it's a pretty run down apartment. however, i love living there anyways. my mother works alot everyday but has always made time for me and my brother. overall, my life has been very peaceful. ​ my brother has autism and is mostly non verbal. we live in a relatively close knit community and everyone in the apartment building knows everyone, and are aware and accomodating of him. recently, the family next to us moved out and in their place was a young couple (maybe 24, 25 ish). from the first night they moved in, they invited a shit ton of their friends over to their house (covid restrictions where i live are very relaxed) and partied all night. the landlady usually would be living in the same apartment building and would probably have heard it, but she is travelling this month. ​ the loud (it was seriously loud) music and ruckas from them caused my brother almost shut down because he hated it so much. (he doesn't have noice cancelling headphones, we can't find a pair that is good enough for him. then again, he never really needed it, because as i said, it was a very peaceful and quiet community.) i managed to calm him down and eventually, he was fine but i went over to the new couple's place and demanded they turn down the music. they laughed at me because, honestly who would take an angry scrawny teen seriously? when my mom got home, i told her about them and she said that we should just hope that they learn from their lesson. ​ this went on for at least once every week, and they ignored me each time. my mom doesn't want to do anything because she has alot on her plate and doesn't want any trouble. we're in a tight spot financially right now and she doesn't want anything to happen. however, i couldn't take seeing my brother like that and the moment my landlady got back, i complained to her incessantly about them and how they were affecting my brother. in addition, i barely got sleep anymore because they would blast music until like 4 am in the morning. ​ my landlady gave them 2 warnings, which they didn't heed, and in the end was forced to kick them out. the couple was furious at me for complaining and cursed at me non stop on the day they were supposed to leave. however, i found out later that the couple was also in a bad situation financially and me complaining about them have caused them to crash at their friends house because they have no where else to live ​ aita? if i am, what should i do to make amends?

aita for getting my neighbours kicked out of their apartment?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u47xuy/aita_for_getting_my_neighbours_kicked_out_of/

2022-04-15 13:21:02

nta i hate people like this. i really do. you cant just keep everyone up because you like to be loud. its not fair. earplugs only do so much, and you pay rent too. you tried to be civil, you tried to hash it out like adults. they learned an important lesson about consequences here. don't sweat it.

nta. you didn't get them kicked out, they got themselves kicked out by not heeding the 2 warnings they were given.

nta. your landlady decided on her own after warning them and probably hearing the noise herself? so it was more then just what you have said. in addition- it was their decision to ignor both you and her, and they did not try to accomodate the situation better so.... nta.

nta you asked nicely. the landlady gave them warnings. they had their chance to have a great community. they blew it. well done you for looking out for your family!!

nta. you had a right to complain about the music as it was too loud at unsociable hours. you don't need to do anything to make amends. they were given 2 warnings and could have stopped playing loud music anytime but chose not to so their problems are of their own making

nta they got warned by the landlady twice and still kept making noice. it's unfortunate for their situation but that's no excuse for their behavior.

nta. the landlady is the one who gave them warnings and they were the ones who did not heed those warnings. they got themselves kicked out. you just let the landlady know they were being ignorant of everyone else in the building, not just your brother. you are a good person for being empathetic to them, but they do not deserve it. they haven't learned their lesson yet if they are cursing you and blaming you for calling them out for being ignorant. they are still behaving wrong. please do not apologize as you have done nothing wrong.

nta. you are not responsible for their financial situation. your landlady did what good a landlady does, she gave them warnings, they chose not to comply, so she kicked them out. that is the consequence of their actions. i do have 2 concerns though. while i know your family is in a tight spot, a 16 year old should not be in charge of their 18 year old sibling. you also shouldn't be the stressing about finances. you shouldn't have been the one to have to complain. your mom is an ah for putting these burdens on you. and no one should have allowed them to be in contact with you while they were moving to give them an opportunity to cuss you out. you are a child. second concern is how the couple found out it was you who complained. unless you told them directly, or it was obvious, who told them? i'm sorry all of the adults around you are failing you like this.

nta. other residents would find their parties irritating. if they have financial issues then maybe they shouldn't blow their money on nightly parties. they did it to themselves.

nta the only rule of living in an apartment complex is co existing peacefully. they cannot blast music till 4 am and expect no complaints. it sucks they had to leave but it’s their actions that brought this up not yours they will survive- no need to feel guilty.

TOXIC

my (36f) 2 older siblings(39m and 44f) and i all live in different states and recently began planning sort of family reunion/vacation to celebrate my mother's 65th birthday. my siblings both have kids and i am married and have no kids yet. someone had the bright idea that for this vacation we should rent a nice large house with a pool so that we could all hang out together with as a big family since we don't usually all get together at the same time. it sounded like a great idea and my sister and sister-in-law both put themselves in charge of finding the house and doing most of the planning. we agreed to split the cost of the house 3 ways and to cover the expenses for our mom and step dad as well. my husband has a huge project at work that coincides with my mother's birthday so he would not be able to come. the other day my sister told me they found the perfect house and sent me a link so i could see it. the house looked great except for one major thing. there were only 3 bedrooms. my sister explained that my mother and her husband would get the master's bedroom, our brother and his wife would get the second bedroom and she and her husband would be in the 3rd. when i asked where i was supposed to sleep she said "you can sleep in the living room with all the kids". i was not happy at all. i told her that i wanted my own room, and that we would have to find a house with 4 bedrooms. she said that i would not have to pay as big of a portion towards the house so it shouldn't be a big deal, and that i should just go along with their plan since they were ready to put the deposit down. she also said that they liked this house best and had gone through so much work to find it that i should just be grateful for their hard work. i didn't back down though. i'm an introvert and i need alone time to decompress, especially after being around family and rambunctious children. though i love my nieces and nephews dearly, there are 8 of them total, all under 10 and that can be a little overwhelming for me to deal with when they are all together. plus i want to sleep on a bed, not on a sofa surrounded by 8 children. i was irritated that my siblings were all treating me like my comfort didn't matter at all. this was supposed to be a vacation after all, and i wanted to enjoy myself, not sleep on the sofa in a luxurious house while all the other adults enjoyed comfortable beds. i told my sister that of they wanted to go ahead and take the house i would still pay part for my mother and stepfather, but that i would be staying in a hotel. i don't think this is at all unreasonable. my sister became angry and told me i was being difficult and ruining everything. after we got off the phone i started getting messages from my brother and sister-in-law telling me that i was selfish and overreacting to what was only a minor inconvenience and that the whole point was to spend time with family so i can't stay in a hotel. am i the asshole?

aita for not going along with my siblings vacation plans?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ssrwr1/aita_for_not_going_along_with_my_siblings/

2022-02-15 02:22:41

nta if is not a big deal you can have the room and they can sleep in the living room with their kids

hell nta. if sleeping in the living room is nbd, why don’t they sleep there? with, yknow, their own kids? it’s infuriating when families don’t treat adults like adults unless they’re married and/or have kids. stand your ground, they’re being awful.

nta. you should be looking at a 5-6 bedroom house. like a previous person said it sounds like they want an unpaid nanny. you would not get any sleep. if you need to i would say your husband can now come so you need a bedroom. he can “back out” at the last minute.

nta, and i don't think i would've been as reasonable as you and still offered to pay part of your mother's costs. if your siblings don't think it is such a big deal then they should offer to rotate nights sleeping in the living room or something. like, i can find four bedroom houses in most popular vacation destinations in the us in minutes, this is not a ton of extra work or an unreasonable request. can you look and find one and suggest it?

nta. they can find a bigger house, houses with pools and 4 bedrooms aren’t exactly a diamond in the rough. that’s a crazy thing to do. honestly it’s crazy to make 8 children sleep in a living room, but that’s another issue.

my family pulled that crap with me. the only difference is that i do have kids and i was expected to share a regular, non-pull out couch with my 8 year old daughter. that would have meant she got the couch and i got the floor. i stayed elsewhere and then decided i was not going on another vacation with them again. my extended family supports me. my parents and siblings think i’m the problem. that happened in 2019. i still haven’t gone on any sort of vacation since. nta.

>overreacting to what was only a minor inconvenience tell them they should stay with their kids in the living room and give you the bedroom then. they don't get to decide what's minor if they are not experiencing it. nta. don't budge. you are spending time with family, just not during sleeping hours. it's not like you're bonding while people are snoring. get you a nice, comfy hotel room and retreat to the sweet silence.

nta. they don’t get to decide what constitutes a major or minor inconvenience to you. and they don’t get to treat you like one of the kids, or like an unpaid nanny.

nta - your hotel solution is so very reasonable and your family is mad at you, because you want some privacy and comfort. if this offends them so much and it's "not a big deal" then maybe one of the couples can sleep with the kids and give you a room?

nta. “i completely respect if you have a different opinion or standard than me. you can take the couch(es) and i’ll take the bedroom and i’ll pay the higher price while you pay the lower price. problem solved.” and gee….i bet they don’t actually want to stay on a couch. it’s easy to tell someone the inconvenience is minor when they endure and not you. i’d also tell them not to worry, you’ll explain to your mom that they didn’t want to get a larger house so it was your choice to stay at a hotel where you’d have a bed.

BENIGN

jesus this is very, very weird. so, for starters i am biracial (23f). african american and hispanic. so basically my roommate (24f) and i were talking and chilling together since none of us could go home. we were talking about our respective partners and shit when she started telling me about her sex life. normally i love to hear weird or fun stories about sex which people willingly share with me but this one was just really weird. so apparently my roommate and her boyfriend have this kink called raceplay bdsm. where my roommate pretends to be a black slave and her boyfriend pretends to be a slave owner. they're both very white. i felt really uncomfortable when she went into the details and i told her to stop as it seemed very racist to me. i also told her that the kink is making me uncomfortable and told her to not talk about it with me in the future. she waved off my request and kept reassuring me that it's nothing racist and i shouldn't be "triggered". she didn't stop even after i told her to so i got upset and went back to my room. she isn't talking to me and it's all very stressful to me in this situation, i want to know if i was in the wrong so i could apologise. i don't know what to feel about this tbh. aita for calling my friend racist for having a certain kink?

aita for calling my friends racist?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g2fg75/aita_for_calling_my_friends_racist/

2020-04-16 14:01:45

> she waved off my request and kept reassuring me that it's nothing racist and i shouldn't be "triggered". yeah, this right there is the part where she squarely punched her asshole card. nta.

nta - i can't even imagine being so broke-brained that i'd bring up my raceplay kink to a biracial person. or bring it up at all to anyone.

nta. that's *incredibly* racist. how is she, as a white person, going to sit there and say what they do isn't racist? i'm a white person myself and i find what they are doing absolutely disgusting. why would someone want to rp that?

absolutely nta. i know that „no kinkshaming“ is all the rage right now but including re-enactments of real life torture and abuse is where i personally draw the line. i can’t speak to the race thing because i am a white german dude but i imagined a friend telling me about how he and his partner like to play concentration camp warden and inmate i would go absolutely furious. your friend is absolutely ta here a for getting turned on by real-life torture and abuse and b for going on telling you about it after you have (completely correctly!) told her to stop

nta. people who insist on talking about their sex lives after people tell them to stop are always ta. the racial aspect just makes it even more tonedeaf. turning a horrific and inhumane practice that has been the result of generational trauma into a sexual fetish is already a bad move, but at the very least she should have the sense to keep it to herself.

nta, i personally as a member of the bdsm community can confirm- it’s not okay to be racist!

nta this is racist... i mean, they can do what they want in the bedroom but to broadcast that mess is embarrassing. you’re not wrong in your feelings and your friend shouldn’t be dictating how you react to something like that.

consent is king in bdsm, the moment she ignored you stating you were uncomfortable with what she was discussing, she violated your consent and continued to do so to the point of you having to retreat into your room. if i can make a suggestion that i think would help, check out r/bdsmadvice. there are people there who will give you the right info and ways to approach resolving this issue. that may get through to her even more if you’re also putting it into the context of bdsm and the basic rules everyone in the lifestyle should always follow. if you feel comfortable, explain the situation in a post there, there are so many knowledgeable, kind people there who would give you a different way to approach the situation. obviously nta. edit for typos

nta - i'm biracial as well, and i'm a raceplayer. and i wouldn't bring up my kink for anyone, specially if it is unecessary. the fact that she pushed it up even when you reacted uncomfortable was very wrong. sure, they can have their kink but they should be more respectful, specially if both of them are white and don't seem to understand your problem.

nta. she's entitled to her kinks, and a "master-slave" fantasy isn't even that uncommon. but if she likes to pretend to be a *black* slave in particular, she probably should have kept it to herself. even if she forget common sense and told you, she should have stopped once you said it made you feel weird. that's a totally understandable thing to feel weird about.

BENIGN

throwaway so i (29m) don't want to visit my parents (61m and 59f) for christmas all for the reason they are letting my ex millie (29f) live with them some context. i have always been skinny not for any medical reasons, i just am. while my ex on the other hand is very fit. we both met in college and we hit it off. we both started living together after graduating. she was a very nice person doing college but after moving in together she became very hostile and kept giving me the cold shoulder. one day i woke up to her smashing my car with a bat and accusing me of cheating (i never did i have always been faithful in all of my relationships) then she left and went to stay with her parents. then her family started messaging me calling me an ah. i apologised to her later for making her think that and she came back. but a year later i found out she cheated on me with one of her friends. so i dumped her and i just couldn't stay in my city anymore cause i was just always reminded of her so i moved 2 states away. so now onto the problem. after 2 years of living away my parents invited me to their house for christmas. and i was excited to go until i found out my ex was living with them. so apparently after we broke up her relationship with her af failed and she ended up homeless for abit. but was taken in by my parents so i told them i can't come. they called me an ah for not visiting family. then my bil and sister called and said i was an ah so now the question aita?

aita for not wanting to visit my parents?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zopojm/aita_for_not_wanting_to_visit_my_parents/

2022-12-18 04:16:03

nta ... and your parents hid this from you because they knew that you wouldn't like her living with them go and have christmas with people who value you.

straight up think some of these can’t be real. how the fuck can anyone think they are wrong for thinking this is wild? of course op is nta. wtf, the second she blew up your car with a bat was a very clear sign you needed to be gone. fuck your parents for harboring this kind of shit. fuck everyone, take care of yourself.

nta . do they know she cheated on you? she sounds like she's got serious projection issues and some mental illness. tell your family that you're sorry they picked a cheater over you, but you aren't going to humor them.

nta. you have a right to your boundaries. if they want to see you that much, they can have you over somewhere she isn't. like sister and bil's place.

your parents are the asses in this situation why would they take in the girl that was emotionally abusive, destroyed property, and cheated on their son? and then assume that you would be fine with having to come be around her???? nta and don't go back, don't put yourself through that.

100% nta. what possible reason is there to think you’re the ah? i don’t understand their behavior. my husband and i have 2 daughters, both in their 30’s. one is married and the other is engaged. i like both guys. but my own kids will always come first. if your parents had given her some money to rent a room or an apartment so she wouldn’t be homeless, i guess i could understand that. but to displace you from your family home by taking in your cheating ex? absolutely goddamn not.

nta. don’t even know why you ask. but i have a question for you. why did you start the post with a description of your physical attributes? i can’t wrap my head around this one.

nta...it shouldn't be a mystery to them why you don't want to come. you're avoiding a drama bomb. do whatever you please.

nta. that’s cold-hearted that they sided with an ex that cheated on you, destroyed your property, and has treated you horribly.

nta. they took in your ex, without you knowing. she trashed your car. and they took her in. wtf?

BENIGN

my boyfriend (23) and i (21) have recently been approved for an apartment. the landlord is currently writing up the lease for us to sign. outside of renting apartments during college, this is our first time moving out and living on our own, more specifically on our own expense. to sum it up, his mother is not happy. she is extremely controlling and pessimistic about pretty much everything if it doesn't fit her high standards. with her, everything is about image and status. but, with that being said, our apartment is actually decently nice and perfect for first time renters. there is no reason for her to degrade it. we are both over the moon and excited as all hell. during her tantrum over the apartment, she asked my boyfriend if she would be able to see it with him. without me. the only reason she wants to do that is so she can say whatever she wants about it, negative of course, without me there; in addition to probably try and talk him out of it. personally, i am not okay with that. i have spent the past 21 years living under roof of a family who did not make my house feel like a home. me moving out was, and is, the best thing i can do for myself. the entire environment is toxic and horrible for my mental health. i could sit here for days telling you why. anyways, this apartment means a lot to me and i'm so excited to have the freedom it will give me. the last thing i want is someone to walk around it complaining and "poo pooing" everything they see. i feel that's extremely disrespectful. i wouldn't walk around your home telling you everything i don't like about it? so, when my boyfriend asked me if it was okay for him to see it alone with her, i said no. this is about respect, and about ultimately putting my foot down and making a line that his mother needs to learn not to cross. i understand my boyfriend is the one who needs to be doing this, and he does, but after so many years he sometimes is no longer able to recognize what is normal mom behavior and what isn't. he is aware she invades everything and tries to control everything my boyfriend does, but of course, it's his mom, which makes it 10x harder. but anyways, his argument here is that this is his first apartment and she just wants to be apart of it. he says that in the long run if we do not at least slightly include her it will take a toll on her mental health given how neurotic she can be. ultimately, i agreed on a compromise. she can come see the apartment with us when we go to sign the lease. i refuse to let her go alone. this is my home and i won't be told i can't be there. of course, she hates the idea and has shit talked about me to my boyfriend about her wish not being granted. so, aita? should i just let him take her without me? should i not let her go at all? is my compromise fair? i feel like seeing your child's first apartment is totally normal, however, going with the intent to shit all over it is not, and that changes the circumstances.

aita for refusing to let my boyfriend's mom tour our apartment without me?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bom3no/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_boyfriends_mom_tour/

2019-05-14 17:46:33

nta your home, your privacy, your rules. the apartment is yours just as much as it is your boyfriend’s, not his mother’s. you have good reason to believe that she wants you not present just so she can say whatever negative remark about the place and you. that sounded very fishy to me, and it’s also outright rude of her to even make the suggestion

nta and honestly you shouldn't have even agreed to her compromise. she can see the apartment when you two move in like all normally adjusted parents would do.

nta. that sounds like her problem and not yours. you two should be able to move in and settle in a little better before having any guests over to view the place.

nta - he needs to cut the umbilical and learn to tell his mom no. is she paying? no? then she is not a part of this process, and he should not be making her a part of it.

nta - your bf's mother needs to relax. she isn't living there, and needs to understand that her opinion isn't necessary in this situation.

nta, from what you've said in your post and comments she sounds perhaps a little too anxious / overbearing i don't understand why it's so important that she only wants to see the house when you are not specifically there if you and your bf are really happy to be moving into the place then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - hope it goes well :)

nta- my bf and i just moved in a few months ago. his parents wanted to see the apartment, but they made sure we were both there so they could congratulate us, etc. what your bf's mom is doing is manipulative. she will talk behind your back and try to convince your bf that you chose this because so and so and that's not what he really wants. she's just not happy with her son living somewhere else and wants to be in control of his life even after he clawed his way out. if i were you, i would just send her photos of the place. she can technically still see the place without actually being there and ruining your mood. congratulations on your first place together! hope everything works out with the mom.

nta your house, your rules. his mother sounds like a jerk.

nta but if i were you, i would let them go ahead without me. this apartment sounds like it is very important to you. if you know she's going to go and shit all over it, wouldn't you rather not be there? for your own sanity?

nta. you and your boyfriend are adults, and she is treating you like children. establish clear boundaries with her now, or it will be that much harder to do so down the road. the compromise you proposed is perfectly reasonable.

BENIGN

i 35f have just had a baby. i have been so stressed out recently because of it. my husbands mother has just been making it worse, she keeps messaging me asking when she can come and see the baby. i always tell her i’m not ready for people to come over yet. so she started asking my husband if she could come over and as he is a mommy’s boy he obviously said yes. he told me this and i argued with him that i didn’t want anyone to come over as of the state i was in. he told me it would be fine and she’d only stay for an hour or two. so she came around and kept asking me what i would be making for dinner. i said i was probably going to order in food. she snapped at me telling me that i should be cooking for the family as its my role as a wife. i told her i was too tired to cook and she called me lazy. i told her to deal with it or leave. she told my husband that i was bullying her. i tried to explain to him that she shouldn’t be expecting me to cook for her knowing that im so stressed and exhausted. he just told me to calm down. i lost it and told them to figure out dinner themselves then went inside. so aita?

aita for refusing to cook for my mil

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xsydf1/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_for_my_mil/

2022-10-01 15:37:06

nta, your husband should have supported you and told his mother to be quiet and say sorry for living in the 50s or leave. edited to explain the "living in the 50s remark". i was trying to say that mil is full of misogynistic beliefs. the husband might be too. he should have stood up for his wife and baby mama. i loved all the stories about how neighbours supported each other in the 50s.

nta. she should be offering to bring food for everyone if she is going to visit while you are still recovering and taking care of a baby. please don’t let them steamroll over you because it’ll just keep happening if you don’t.

nta you never invited her so she wasn't *your* guest, you're recovering from childbirth and adjusting to the massive change of having a newborn, probably sleep deprived and most civilized people know that it's customary to cook for new parents (or bring something super easy to prepare) not the other way around. your husband invited her, he can feed and amuse her.

nta. she is selfish and your husband needs to step up for you.

nta for refusing to cook. you’re not the hired help. husband can deal with his own people & cook them dinner if he wants to. if mil had half a brain she would’ve brought dinner

nta, not even close. you have a massive husband problem, though. he invited his mother over after you had made it crystal clear that you were not up to having guests. and then he belittled you for being upset that his mother was abusing you and calling you names. and he allowed his mother to do these things. do you have any friends or family who would be able to take you and baby in for a few weeks or so? i would honestly not stay with a man who allowed his mother to treat me like that or who treats me like he treats you.

nta, your husband is inconsiderate and his mother is obviously controlling and rude. they're both in the wrong here. she shouldn't have complained about those things, and he should've listened to you and not invited anyone until you were ready especially when doing so would require you to do more (clean before she got there, make dinner, etc.) he didn't just invite her over, he put a lot more on your plate and then acted like you were at fault.

nta. husband telling you to calm down was a dick move for sure.

nta. if your hubby wants her there and wants her to have a home-cooked meal so badly, there's the kitchen for him to do that in.

info: was she like this before the baby? that said, even if she was, it's customary to bring new parents casseroles and food because newborns are exhausting. your mil is a backwards, entitled jerk and you are nta - if she wants so badly for someone else to cook she can go out to eat.

BENIGN

the title pretty much explains it, but i’ll add some context. a couple of months ago i (18f) got into an accident where i was walking across the road and got hit by a car that was way over the speed limit. my right knee and leg basically took most of the impact. (the car stopped and called an ambulance and left a phone number and we later on settled it and i got quite a big sum of money with help of my parents). a bone in my leg was broken and my knee cap was basically fractured. fast forward to now, my leg has been fine (as long as i am not walking for too long), but my knee still hurts quite a bit, which results in me walking with a cane at 18 years old. (i am a bit embarrassed by it, but i can’t do much about it so i just deal with it). yesterday after school i got in the bus to go home, my knee had been bothering me all day and i was happy to go home, once i got in the bus i took a seat as one does. a couple of stops later a pregnant woman entered and she looked around to see if there was a spot for her to sit (which there wasn’t). i was one of the younger people (probably not the youngest though) on the bus and therefor she decided that i was the perfect candidate to give up my seat. so she walked over and basically told me that i had to get up so she could sit down. she didn’t ask me, she told me. so i tried to explain in a soft voice (to not attract to much attention, since i have social anxiety) that i have a knee injury and that it is hard for me to keep my balance in the bus while standing and that it was hurting a lot. well this woman started yelling at me saying that i was just making excuses and that she didn’t believe me. so, i lifted up the dress i was wearing to my knee and showed her the scars, i admit that my scars don’t exactly look pretty or are nice healed or anything, but i had no interest in continuing this discussions. (i made sure that there were no little kids watching when i lifted up the dress). the woman didn’t know what to say and she just kept on sulking and went to someone else to get them to give up their seat. i thought that was that, but suddenly a person sitting behind me found it necessary to weigh in on the situation by saying that i was way out of line by showing her my scars and that i embarrassed the woman and that i could have easily stood up and just suck it up for the remainder of my route. so, aita?

aita for not giving op my seat in the bus to a pregnant woman and then showing my scars on my knee to show that i have an injury?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/two7ja/aita_for_not_giving_op_my_seat_in_the_bus_to_a/

2022-04-05 06:09:48

nta you're legitimately disabled and in need of a seat. if the person behind was so supportive of the pregnant woman's need to sit down, then they should have offered _their_ seat instead of trying to bully you into doing so.

nta and the actual ah is the person sitting behind u.

as another young cane user due to a broken bone, nta. a lot of people seem dumbfounded with how to respond when i point out my scar because it just... doesn't dawn on them that there's a material reason i use a cane. i've learned to just say "i'm physically disabled, i cannot stand right now." if that doesn't work, i just ignore them and let them embarass themselves.

nta - why didn't the helpful commenter give up \*their\* seat if they were so concerned?

nta. the asshole behind you should have offered their seat to the pregnant woman instead.

nta. the pregnant woman reeks of entitlement, first of all. ew. and the second person to weigh in? ableist. i wouldn’t really take what either of those people said to heart, op.

nta - who are these people?! she could have asked nicely and you politely declining should have been sufficient.

nta she insist you don't have an injury and you proved her wrong.

nta good for you, been pregnant 4 times but she was acting entitled. i hope you at least got to personalise your cane somewhat, it's rare but there are people who are young and need a cane

nta. i love when people say someone should give up their seat yet don’t volunteer themselves.

BENIGN

yesterday was my birthday, and my bestfriend decided to take me on a "date" today (we both are straight girls, so it's basically a girls' date). she brought me a gift in a white cotton bag, and i obviously knew that it was a handbag, but didn't check out its' colour, its' design and what's inside. i just got back home, and my mom asked me if my friend brought me a gift, and i said yes. she proceded to tell my sister to take it out of the bag. i shouted at her not to do that, but she just smiled and took it out. she gave it to my mom and mom opened it and looked inside and took out a veil my friend put there for me. my sister then started to look inside the pockets for any letters (it's kind of a tradition of ours, but she didn't put any this year). i told her that she had no right to open the bag up. mom started screaming at me and told me that i am being childish and just plain stupid. i always like to not look at my gifts till i am home, comfortable and in a good mood to savour and appreciate the gift. my mom wanted to see it right then and there, and i wasn't comfortable nor in a good mood. i told her that she could've waited till i woke up from a nap and i opened it infront of them, that i like to open my gifts myself. she said that she wanted to see the gift and if i wanted to keep it from them till i am comfortable i could've taken it to my room, and she also told me that i already knew that it was a handbag. i asked my sister why would she take my gift out of the bag and she said that it's because mom told her to, and when i told her that she obviously wanted to look at it too as she was looking inside the pockets, she said that she was just looking for those small bags with the miniscule balls in them. i was mad and told them both, very strongly and sternly, that i am very disappointed and that they had no right to take that thrill off of me, that i get this kind of feeling only once a year. my mom started screaming at me and said that i was being ridiculous and that i am totally delusional, and that i need to stfu before she throws something on me. my dad joined the discussion, and told me that i was in the wrong, and if i wanted to keep the thrill, i should've looked at it before i came in the house (aka in the car). i seriously feel like crying. i mean, i know that this is insignificant but my mom now is mad at me because i told her she had no right to look into my gift before me. this happened minutes ago, so this is maybe 99.9% accurate. tell me guys, aita?

aita for being mad at my family for opening my gift?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fbfksk/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_family_for_opening_my/

2020-02-29 17:11:26

nta. it isn’t that hard to let someone feel special on their birthday. it also isn’t asking a lot.

so, they opened your gift for you, against your wishes, and then got mad at you for your reaction??? that is wrong on so many levels. absolutely nta!!! i'm so sorry!

nta. that’s your gift, not your mom’s, and you can open when, where, and how you please. it sounds like she didn’t take your protestations very seriously at first.

nta. who opens someone else’s gift? that’s rude.

nta it’s your gift from your friend. they had no right to open it, no matter how curious they were; even if you had already opened it yourself earlier, they still should have respectfully let you unveil it to them. they’re upset because they know that they were in the wrong.

nta your family are real pricks. i mean, real shitty pricks. also, your mother losing her cool and threatening to throw things at you is not ok. honestly, just a couple of wankers. sorry you have to go through this.

nta - wtf is wrong with your family??

nta - honestly wait till your mums birthday and open her gift before she does.

nta. it was yours to open when and how you pleased. that was incredibly rude.

nta you don’t open someone else’s gift that’s so rude

BENIGN

background info – we live in a conservative country - no physical danger (from the state, at least) for lgbt people, but a lot of social disapproval. my daughter, anna (14f) has classmate i'll call kate (14f), who is very unpopular. she doesn’t have any friends, and she is relentlessly bullied by other girls. anna is very kind and so she told kate she can join her and her friends when they are hanging out. they are the only group that doesn't join in on the bullying. recently anna told me that kate gives her “a bad gut feeling”. we had a lot of conversations about trusting your gut feelings before. kate has “creepy eyes” and makes anna feel revolted. i told her that, in this case, she should stop hanging out with kate immediately. anna cried and went on a rant how it doesn’t feel like a girl’s meeting anymore because: - kate is loud and domineering and has a big ego, makes a lot of vulgar jokes and intimidates others - kate has very different hobbies and mocks the group’s hobbies - kate is apparently attracted to girls, so she shifts the “atmosphere” so it’s just like inviting a boy, but kate’s a girl and girls should support girls… she called herself a lot of awful, sexist names. it broke my heart. i told her: when your belly is telling you *run*, and society is telling you *be nice*, always listen to your belly. besides, if all the girls in class - from zoe the traditional catholic who wants to be a nun, to natalie the pansexual tiktok-taught witch with purple hair - hate her, then maybe it's for a good reason? she very reluctantly agreed and banned kate from future hangouts. last sunday, kate’s mom came to my house and told me that i took away the last thing kate had in her life and she is alone again. she called me sexist and homophobic and implied kate’s poor mental health is anna’s fault. we exchanged a few heated words, and i had to comfort *anna all evening because she heard it all and blames herself. she still feels awful. aita? *

aita for telling my daughter that being cautious is more important than being nice?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/su0z15/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_being_cautious/

2022-02-16 17:07:31

nta, i wish someone had taught me it's better to be a villain than to be a victim! that's a valuable lesson that when applied correctly, it may save anyone a ton of trouble. always trust your gut, unless you're gambling on a fart. nobody's entitled to your attention either.

nta. i am a queer woman who originally came out as a lesbian around the same age. i had crushes on my friends, but i tried my best to absolutely never show it in order not to make them uncomfortable. kate appears to me to be a socially awkward child without much social development who has crushes on your daughter and/or her friends, and has no idea how to manage that. if kate was a boy, and acted in a similar manner, nearly any straight woman would tell you to stay away from a creep. your child is justified to feel uncomfortable if another person is making her feel uncomfortable by creeping on them. kate will learn from this experience. homophobia is not a justifiable reason to make other people uncomfortable, the same way that “boys will be boys” and misogyny in straight men is not a justifiable reason for women to tolerate creepy men.

nta. kate is ostracized because *kate is weird and makes people uncomfortable*. kate is bullied because *she* is mean and uncomfortable to be around. it's a her problem, not your daughter's problem. compassion is different than enabling poor behavior (which anna would be doing by continuing to pretend to like/include kate). kate's poor mental health needs to be addressed by a real therapist, not by 14yr old girls who are expected to be everyone else's savior at the expense of their own wellbeing/comfort.

nta, trusting your gut is something i am still trying to learn because society beat it out of me at a young age. good on ya.

nta - sounds like anna & her friends knew kate is a lesbian before inviting her to join them. so it does not sound like homophobia is at play. no one wants to hang out with someone who mocks their interests and hobbies. it’s ok to have different hobbies within a friend group (it can be quite healthy actually) but everyone’s hobbies should be respected and not mocked. it doesn’t feel good to feel intimidated and like one person is domineering in such a negative way. of course people don’t want to hang out with someone that behaves in such a way. good for you for teaching your daughter to trust her gut. more women need to be taught this at a young age. i know i wish i had been taught that when i was a teenager. keep up the good parenting!

nta. coming from a kid, creepy eyes probably means lascivious intent. this is actually a great teaching moment in anna's life. many times in life, one's got to be *the bad guy* and eject toxic people from our lives. that usually means toxic significant others but it also mean friendships. in this equation, how the toxic part rely on you does not matter, and it should be a teaching moment for kate as well. that being said, one does not have to be a dick about it, and you can still be nice and respectful while rejecting a relationship it's no longer working for you. in this case, anna doesn't have to feel guilty about it, maybe only if she was an asshole when she told kate they are no longer hanging out, which i doubt since it seems anna is a caring a lot. >kate’s mom came to my house and told me that i took away the last thing kate had in her life and she is alone again as a parent, i would take this as a warning sign that my child needs more attention, instead of putting the onus on the rest of the world. maybe this parent is the reason kate is having so much trouble relating to her peers.

nta. kate being a homosexual has nothing to do with her also being a jerk.

nah, but i think you are most in the right here. i say nah not because i don't think anyone is guilty here (i think kate and her mom could have done better), but because i think people were going off the information they had and what they were taught. it's everybody's inclination to protect their child in this situation. and it's possible kate was just not taught how to be respectful of friends, and doesn't know how to have friends. i don't understand what you mean by her being attracted to girls means "shifting the atmosphere" - but if she's intimidating the others on purpose and making fun of them, that's not a good sign. i know when i was a child and got friends for the first time after being bullied a lot, i was not good to them because i had no frame of reference for what a friendship is like. the only examples i had of how other kids interacted was how they interacted with me. that's not an excuse, but it might be something like what's happening here. i also worry that the reasons anna gave for not inviting her anymore maybe weren't communicated very well. if she cited her being into girls as ruining the vibe, instead of that she was mean to them, that may be misinterpreted. the last thing i want to address is the gut feeling thing. i think you absolutely did the right thing in helping your daughter realize it's okay to have boundaries. but i think it might be something to encourage introspection on in the future, just because sometimes gut feelings are anxiety, or they may actually be based in some kind of discriminatory thing we don't realize until we analyze why we feel that way. that doesn't mean these feelings don't matter, just that they are important to listen to and figure out the reasons for so we can figure out what to do about them better. your daughter absolutely should not feel bad for setting this boundary, and she is not to blame for this situation. this is clearly distressing her a lot and i think she should be proud of taking care of herself. it is not her responsibility to be the one thing keeping kate's mental health in tact.

nta. your daughter doesn't have to be uncomfortable. she is allowed to choose who she doesn't associate with and should feel comfortable doing so. sounds like the other girls mom is failing to take responsibility for her failures and is teaching her kid to do the same.

nta. although some of the peripheral rhetoric is a less than ideal (e.g. excluding non-straight girls is okay because it's like having a boy there or that if everyone else hates a person they probably deserve to be excluded) and i probably would have left those things out of the conversation. but overall, the basic message that you should not keep yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable for the sake of politeness is a good one. people in general but especially girls tend to grow up with the idea that being rude or 'bitchy' is always a character flaw, and it causes people to accept situations that their instincts tell them aren't right, and that's not a position we want to keep encouraging kids to put themselves in.

BENIGN

i (20f) got pregnant in my last year of highschool, but my and my boyfriend(20f) families helped us a lot. we live in my family pool house, we are both in uni and working part-time. my mom is a sahm and takes care of the baby for us when we have to work and study. my brother(16m) and i always had a good relationship. i always help him with his things, give rides, and sometimes give him money when he asks (my parents aren't pretty generous w/ money, and sometimes he doesn't have enough to go out w/ his friends). at the beginning of this year my boss called me on my day-off and asked me to come to the store as fast as i can, because she had a family emergency and needed to leave. i searched for my mom at home but she was doing grocery shopping, she told me it would take one more hour until she comes back, and told me to ask my brother to take care of the baby. he was playing in his pc and got annoyed when i asked to babysit, if was only it i could let it slide, is not his obligation after all, and them he told me "why did you had a baby if you can't even take care of him, you suck as a mom", i really wanted to fight back but my priority was find a sitter, i told him to eat grass.my neighbor took my baby until my mom got home and i worked the rest of the day. his words really rubbed me the wrong way. we (bf+i) are aware of our privilege, we have free child care, we are both able to attend uni, and we have a lot of support. we pay our own bills, our parents never had to pay for a single diaper for our baby, we make everything we can to not rely on them more than we already do. we both were willing to drop uni to work and support our baby. it didn't happen because our families helped us. after that he asked me for money a few more times, and every single time my answer was the same "no", nothing more, nothing last. yesterday i was helping my mom cook. he came and asked me for money, i gave him the same no. but he started to whine about how i turned mean to him for no reason. i told him "to get money i need to work, and since i have a child, i also need him to be cared for so i can work with peace. and as you said the other day, i can't take care of my son, why should i give you the little money i have?". he tried to argue that he was just snappy that day and he didn't really say that for real. i told him to stop and don’t ask me for anything more. my mom wanted to know everything in detail, i told her everything, she scolded him for what he said, but told me i am wrong for holding a grudge from a teenager. my older sister (26f) told me that i was ta because i told my mom, i should just forgive him because i am older

aita for refusing to give my brother money after he refused to babysit in a emergency

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ignrl9/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_brother_money_after/

2020-08-25 23:35:56

nta. don’t coddle teenagers. that’s when they think they are “basically adults” and should be treated as such. i appreciated being treated as an adult when i was a teenager and it definitely helped me understand how i could burn my own bridges if i’m not careful.

nta. he's old enough to get how responsibilities work. he's allowed to refuse to babysit (although i think it was kind of jerky because it was just a one-time situation) because it's not his responsibility, just like it's not your responsibility to give him money. his attitude about that is what keeps this from being a nah situation.

nta, lol. he's 2 years shy of being an adult if he can't control his temper to not say hurtful things then he should be prepared for the consequences. in any event you don't owe him money at all, it's a privilege (a privilege that he seems to be unaware of, amusingly enough). i think if he apologizes and truly means it that's a different story but you shouldn't have to yield to pressure just because you're older. either way, just a dumb teenager saying dumb things.

nta. he's 16 years old. he should know better by now. your older sister can now be his atm. tell them both congrats for that new type of relationship they're going to have with each other. as for your mother, she needs to stop making excuses for him. as for your brother, he's old enough to get a job instead of acting like a ten year old going around asking his elders for fun money.

nta. your brother could easily babysit for a bit of extra cash and is not entitled to your money.

nta, forgive him when you're ready, but you shouldn't be giving him money, you and your kid come first. sounds like he's taking advantage of you. if he wants something he can work for it. i've been working since i was his age. sounds like he needs to mature a little. my first job at 16 was as a teacher's assistant at a summer school for 1-3 graders. he should have been more willing to help with your kid since he was just playing games anyway. he should learn the values of caring for and helping others, especially family.

nta. he’s 16. i’m sure he can find some sort of job and stop mooching off of you, especially when he didn’t help you when he asked. he had no obligation to help you with your baby, so you have no obligation to give him your hard earned money.

nta - the fact that he's giving you a hard time for having to work while expecting you to *give him the money that you earn from that job* is absolutely ridiculous. what he said to you was so profoundly hurtful and unnecessary. it sounds like you and your bf are managing a ton, and it's wonderful that you have family support but that doesn't mean that you are slacking or that what you are doing is *easy.*

nta. the time to forgive him is when he stops whining and apologizes and starts seeing what he can do to help you out in return for all your help.

nta good on you. if he's 16 he's old enough to get a job or do odd jobs around neighborhood to earn money. he's not a child anymore.

BENIGN

my husband john and i have two kids: sarah and james, twins, age 3 (all fake names). sarah recently got into having her nails painted. john wasn't totally comfortable with it because he thinks make-up is weird and adult-looking on a toddler. i argued that she just likes the colour and it's fairly normal for a toddler to have painted nails. he asked what i would do if james wanted his nails painted. i said it would do it if asked but i wouldn't push it on him. james did ask to have his nails painted, but after one nail was done he decided he didn't like it and we took off the polish. a week or so later, sarah was getting her nails painted and james asked to get his done too so i painted them. he really liked it this time. john freaked out and demanded that the polish was taken off. we argued a few points and his main arguments were: 1. it's a slippery slope from nail polish to a full face with foundation, lipstick and eyeliner 2. women only wear nail polish to make themselves more attractive to men, therefore i am trying to make our kid attractive 3. the other kids in the creche would make fun of him i argued back that the slippery slope argument is bullshit, women paint their nails for many reasons and we should not teach our son to care what other people think about his appearance. he accused me of not understanding where he's coming from. i do, i just don't agree with him. i think there are other issues behind his discomfort but that's another conversation. in the end, i told john that he could remove the nail polish and in the future he could tell our son no when he asks for his nails to be painted. john said that i was forcing him to be the bad guy and he wasn't going to do that, so our son has pink fingernails and my husband is not happy. aita for making my husband the (potential) bad guy?

aita for making my husband be the bad guy?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c3tshw/aita_for_making_my_husband_be_the_bad_guy/

2019-06-22 19:33:30

nta (although i contemplated esh because of the way you handled it with your husband). many little boys with older sisters end up with fingers, toes and faces painted (sometimes by choice and sometimes not!) - your husband seems duly threatened by the idea that it could be gender confusing for your son. i’m a bit perturbed by his comment about women only wearing nail polish to look more attractive. don’t lose sight of this misogyny as part of the bigger picture of a disagreement on how to parent.

nta. you are not forcing him to be the bad guy. he is the “ bad guy” if by bad you mean “disappointing a child because he’s an uptight homophobe.”

nta they're 3. they like nail polish because colors!!! that's literally it. he's being an idiot.

your husband is a major asshole. you are nta.