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176py9m

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Prestigious-Rip-1343 **WIBTA for divorcing my husband to get more "me time"?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional abuse and manipulation!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/S0E5GbLoRa)  **Oct 1, 2023** My husband (40M) and I (39F) have been married for 12 years, together for 13. We are in a wonderful marriage, overall. However, I typically end up with the brunt of housework, cooking, errands, laundry, and early morning wake up with the youngest of our two boys (6M, 13M) even on Saturdays and Sundays. I also spend a lot of time cleaning up behind my husband because he "forgets" to do things. Because of this, I usually end up with almost no free time, and I never get to be the one who sleeps in. A lot of the things he "forgets" are small things like leaving shoes out in the walkway, or leaving the lint from the lint trap on top of the dryer instead of throwing it away, or continuing to put trash in an already full trashcan, used glasses left out instead of brought to the sink, used wash rags left on the shower floor, etc. It sounds petty, but over time, all these little things are a lot of time out of my life cleaning up after a grown up, when I'm already cleaning up after two non-grown ups. I own a business and am working on my degree on top of all of this, so I have very little "spare time" as it is. He, on the other hand, works from home, and is able to sleep in, take nap breaks, play video games on his lunch break, and takes an hour or two every evening while I study to play video games again to "decompress". He does give me time to go to the gym or run, but I've been skipping it more and more to try to keep up with the mess and chores at home. When I bring it up, he says I'm being unfair because I'm focusing on the "few times" he forgets to pick up after himself, and not seeing all the things he does do. He does clean up after himself about 50% of the time, depending on what it is. But, somethings he legitimately never does, like leaving lint on the dryer or throwing away used toilet paper rolls. He also suffers from a sleep disorder, which can make a person feel "foggy" sometimes. He says I should be more compassion with him and accept this as a part of loving someone with chronic illness.. The truth is that I DO understand what chronic illness is like and I do have compassion. I myself have been living with chronic pain and fatigue for years, and am finally undergoing the diagnostic and treatment process for lupus and RA. I'm always in pain and constantly exhausted. But, I muscle through and maintain a reasonable level of order and sanitation in my home because that's what adults do for their kids. I don't have the luxury to "forget" to do important things like laundry, dishes, or cleaning, because then no one does it. He also says I have an unreasonably high standard of cleanliness. Really, I feel like not wanting to leave urine stains around the base of the toilet or leaving used dishes and food on counters in an area notorious for roaches is not having a "high" standard. I feel like his standards are lower than the average adult, as most people would find that pretty gross. One of the things my journey through AID has taught me is to learn to say "no". Although I love my husband and best friend dearly, I dont see this ever changing unless he is literally forced. I am starting to feel like taking myself out of the equation is the best option to maintain my own sanity by having one less person to clean up after, and find some much needed down time through shared custody. Even if he only had the kids on one day a week. I feel like custody sharing might force him to hold himself to a reasonable standard of hygiene and cleanliness, too. I definitely enable his laziness out of necessity to met basic safe levels of cleanliness. Without me there, he'd have to learn to be consistent or risk losing visitation. This is my only complaint within the marriage. We really do love and care for each other, and he's emotionally very kind and supportive. I love him very much. WIBTA for divorcing over this? Update for INFO: 1)Yes. We have talked about it. A LOT. We have the same fight at least once every other week for over a decade. 2)We tried counseling. Nothing changed. Even after our therapist told him that even though he was loving and supportive, resentment was a marriage killer. She suggested a maid service. 3) He does not want to spend money on a cleaning service. I would love to have weekly cleanings. I was able to talk him into one cleaning per month. I am working on increasing my earning potential so I can afford it myself. 4)Yes, he does have diagnosed ADHD. I feel like this is a potential "explanation not excuse" thing, though. 5)I know divorce is expensive, but I have a very supportive family and am very close to expanding my business and attaining degrees that would allow me to be autonomous. That being said, we care a lot about each other, parent well together, and have a lot that we've built together. Update for current situation: We fought about, I ended up ugly crying (partially out of frustration and partially bc I'd been up since 4:45am with the youngest. I told him that it was about lint on the washer and used toilet rolls on the sink, but not really. I said that I felt like he didn't listen nor care to try. We apologized, wrapped me up in our duvet and left me to nap while he took over housework and kids (He is really sweet and does try). It's been nice to have a day off, but I'm still skeptical because this isn't the first time I've gotten to a point of walking away or being really upset, and he is extra nice for a while only to go right back to being his old self in a few days. I guess we'll see. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/5YQRzKCpf3)  **Oct 6, 2023** Hello all. Where to even begin. First, I want to thank everyone who chimed in. It really helped me feel validated in my frustration and process it. So after the melt down the day of the last post, he did as promised and took over the housework and kids for the day. However, as I feared, by the next day, he had returned to his old, dismissive, chauvinistic self. He did zero housework for the rest of the week and picking up the slack ended up putting me in a position of unpreparedness for a very important test due tomorrow. This is his usual M.O. He puts in effort just long enough to make me think he has changed then he reverts. Starting Sunday, I reminded him frequently that I needed time to study. It's a math test and it's hard. So, my plan was to study two hours per day and be prepared by Friday. This meant he would need to pick up at least a little slack giving baths, reading bedtime stories, ect so I could focus. Except it didn't happen. So, I ended up using the time I needed to study to cook, clean, and do laundry Now it's late on the eve of the test and I'vehad all of 1 hour of study time. I'm exhausted and I can't even fathom practicing proportions or quadratic equations right now. I broke down out of frustration and told him I couldn't handle it anymore. I run my business, bust my butt in school, and keep everything running. It's a major unfair burden and I'm tired of trying to make him care. I asked him how it was that he could treat his female coworkers as equals and not extend that same respect to me. He admitted to being a hypocrite and stormed off to play video games. Right now I'm contemplating taking Incompletes for the semester so I can focus on my business and weather a messy divorce from a giant man baby. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **RanbomGUID** >Like for a weekend? You will have pests overrunning your home within a weekend if you prioritized your studies over cleaning? And your husband would happily allow your home to be overrun with pests?? **OOP replied** >>Because of the way my courses are structured, I have to study both some weeknights and on weekends. >>Yes. The home we bought is a century home being renovated in a neighborhood where roaches move in VERY quickly. Certain species live outdoors, but come in at night if they smell food, and unless you live in a vacuum seal bubble, they find ways in (even through water pipes). Those are the thumb sized ones that jump and fly. We have managed thus far to avoid indoor dwelling varieties like German roaches through keeping counters and dishes clean, keeping laundry off the floor, and taking the trash out every night. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

WIBTA for divorcing my husband to get more "me time"?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/176py9m/wibta_for_divorcing_my_husband_to_get_more_me_time/

176r158

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Narutom **Is my wife flirting with her coworker?**  **Originally posted to** r/Marriage **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional infidelity!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/kBDVBXsuho) **Feb 24, 2023** My wife and I have been together 10 years, married for nearly 5 and we have a 3 year old son. We are fairly happy though have been having couples counseling for 6 months as we found being parents very difficult. We've been making a lot of progress with our communication lately but today that all fell apart. My wife has autistic traits which run in both our families, and I have ADHD so we are a 'Neurodivergent' couple. That's probably relevant here. My wife recently moved back into our shared office as we both work from home. Today she hopped on video call with a guy from work who she is friends with and I stepped out to take a quick call about something. After my call was finished I just sat scrolling reddit for a bit but could hear their conversation and it increasingly made me uncomfortable. My wife sounded like a completely different person. She would tut and giggle before she said anything, she was constantly joking with him every sentence, she was energetic and it all just sounded so incredibly flirty. He had called her not for anything work related but to tell her he had taken a new job in the city closest to us - he currently lives far away. She said things like "do me a favour, when that job contract comes, just rip it up so you don't have to leave", and "as long as you are always available for me on [Microsoft] teams", and they then went on to confirm they had each other on WhatsApp etc. All the while joking about various things and and giggling in a way that I never hear her do, ever. They were talking for 20 mins and I almost started to record them so she could hear herself back, but they said goodbye just after I started. It just made me feel so gross listening to it. This isn't the first time I've noticed their flirtyness and I brought it up last year after she started that new job. They were calling each other outside work hours and she added him on the PlayStation and they would sit and game together in the evenings chatting away with the same giggly flirty tone. She was talking about him and lot and telling me lots of really personal things about his childhood and parents and stuff. It caused issues when I brought up that it made me feel uncomfortable. Especially one night when we were supposed to have time together but she just forgot and spent the night playing with him. She denies flirting at all and just says he's a work friend. Around that time she travelled to the central office and I know he had invited her for dinner at his place which hadn't happened in the end I think because I said I wasn't comfortable with that. They did end up still going for dinner in the city together though, "as friends". The thing is, I'm not a jealous person. Over the years my wife has had a few crushes, one of them being my uni roommate who's like a younger brother to me. It's kind of a running joke that they both fancy each other a bit and I genuinely don't mind and think it's funny. We joke about one day having threesome with him etc. I do know that she is prone to the occasional crush and I don't take it seriously, but have once or twice over the decade have felt like I have had to point out some boundaries. So back to today, after they finished their call I said hey can I talk to you a min. When I then said that she probably wouldn't like what I was about to say, she immediately got defensive and walked off and said she wasn't going to have this conversation. Since I hadn't even said anything yet that intuitively tells me that some part of her knows that the way she was talking was probably a bit inappropriate? I got upset and said I was feeling uncomfortable with the way she was talking with him again. That it sounds like heavy flirting to me. That I would feel uncomfortable if I talked to another woman at work like that. Or if a girl talked to me like that, even as a clueless guy, I would be getting a strong vibe that she fancies me. That I feel hurt by it and that if she talked like that to me it would be a dream come true! She basically dismissed it all very defensively and said she wasn't flirting at all. That I just didn't want her to be friends with him. That she doesn't understand what she's done wrong and that she's fed up with me being like this - even though I haven't spoken to her about this since last summer, and never been jealous in our 10 year relationship. I felt like I'm being gaslit as it seems like such obvious flirting and she's just dismissing it as all in my head. It caused a massive argument. I'm willing to admit that me getting upset about it is likely some insecurity. But at the same time, I feel like I know what I saw/heard and that I'm an understanding person - I'm ok with crushing but this just crosses a line? I should be able to say that, no? I think it's likely something to do with my wife's Autistic traits and not understanding the social norms or boundaries. I don't know. She doesn't realize how flirty she's being sometimes, I think that's definitely true. I wish she would flirt with me by accident a bit more! Is it ok for me to feel upset by this? Or am i being controlling or irrational? Tldr: is my wife is flirting with her coworker and being inappropriate? Am I being weird by feeling upset by it? [Update](https://reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/BYi5ZB1em5) **Sept 29, 2023** Hi I originally wrote this post earlier in the year. It's well overdue a positive update. I've had a few people asking so here we go... I ended up showing my wife the post I had written and it was so incredibly validating to feel like I wasn't going insane. We had a really difficult conversation about it all and we were both so angry at eachother until she told me the truth. In a rather heated moment she kind of venemously said something like "I like talking to him because when I do I feel happy and relaxed. Like I can be myself. Which is something I can never feel when I'm around you" This really made me sad and I instantly wasn't angry anymore. I just apologized, and told her how that's just what I wanted her to feel around me again. That feeling of being herself is something she had lost after becoming a mum and the difficult few years we've had in covid etc. We don't have and never have had any help being parents from our extended families. And so never have time together for ourselves. She didn't have any feelings for him beyond friend and I do think she was genuinely being naive and also a little willingly ignorant about him pushing boundaries, a few examples which came out after we talked about it - He had asked to come back to her hotel room to 'continue chatting' after the work party, for example. This was also due to her autism as well and not fully understanding where the boundary is. But when we looked at the big picture she could see and did admit that she had unwittingly begun down the path of some kind of emotionally affair, which she didn't really know was a thing. She took responsibility for this and did stop talking to the guy and told him that she would only be talking to him if required to for work purposes from then on. He left that job very shortly after so that was also easier for us. Funnily enough, it did come out after he left that he had made some advances and been awkward with a few other of my wife's colleagues. People noticed at work that my wife had stopped being friendly with him and was asked 'was it because he was being awkward with you as well?' kinda thing. We talked a lot in counseling about it. I think a massive problem that I had to acknowledge was that she had got to a place where she expected me to be angry and irritated by things, because that is definately something I have struggled with. So she had begun hiding stuff in fear of how I would respond. She didn't feel like she could talk to me about stuff. When she did admit to her wrong doing and acknowledge she had begun to push me away and prioritize things above our relationship, she was surprised at how kind and patient and forgiving I was. I was surprised too! We kinda figured out that a lot of the anger and irritation was often because I could tell that I wasn't getting the whole truth. That's all I wanted, her to be straight with me so I know where I stand. That, and my feelings to be acknowledged, both of which are a massive trigger for me. We started doing things like having a 'take back of the day' where if one of us said or did something we later regretted, then we could apologize and call it our take back. And we both agreed that we would forgive and forget those, with no exceptions. We found that worked amazingly to develop compassion and understanding for one another. We also began working on having date nights every Friday, and having difficult conversations with 100% honesty while sat together, looking at eachother, and holding hands, so that we were connecting and feeling listened to. This was prescribed by our therapist because she told us about how when we both get triggered we have a tenancy to disassociate and we don't look at eachother and turn away from eachother and get stuck in a place where we can't hear what the other is saying. That was really tricky at times, but we've gotten pretty good at it now, and whenever we start struggling we are very conscious to make physical contact and look at eachother so we can hear and be heard. We took a break from counseling over the summer holidays because we decided we needed so time to process, and we ended up having an amazing summer. We went back for a therapy session last week which we thought was about starting a second round. We were a bit nervous because we've been so happy and didn't want to stir anything up. But the therapist could see how happy and good things have been so she told us not to come back! (unless we want to in the future). And it's true, we have been the happiest we have ever been. We are really close again. Our communication is so much better. Our understanding and compassion for eachother and our quirks, triggers etc is at an all time high. We look out for when the other is struggling and step in where we can. When we miss it and the other has a meltdown or says/does something unkind, we are much better able to forgive and forget it using our take backs and just having more understanding and compassion for each other's strengths and weaknesses. I think it's fair to say that although some boundaries were being crossed, my wife was only at the very beginning of the path that leads to full blown emotional affair. Nothing had really happened. And there were no feelings my wife had beyond "exciting friendship with someone who is giving me nice attention" - though he definately had alterior motives. So we were lucky to catch it when we did. That being said, the root cause was definately our bad communication, negative behavioral loops that we had gotten into, and the degradation of our romantic relationship from becoming new parents over the last 4 years. There was a lot to learn and a lot of effort and willingness required on our parts to fix the issue and move forward. But only in short intense convo bursts outside of which we have been very happy because we feel in control of it. Hopefully some of you can read this and learn a few things to help your relationships. If I had to recommend one thing it would be the 'Take back of the day!'. I'm happy to answer any questions you might have. Cheers to everyone who was supportive on the first post! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Is my wife flirting with her coworker?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/176r158/is_my_wife_flirting_with_her_coworker/

17710fm

Originally posted by u/gold_independent_30 in r/AITAH on July 18, '23 updated on Aug 6, '23. *The previous BORU post is* [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15poo7j/aita_for_telling_my_husband_his_job_as_a_stay_at/) Mood spoiler: >!Positive!< &#x200B; [Original.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/153070i/aita_for_telling_my_husband_his_job_as_a_stay_at/)\-July 18, '23 AITA for telling my husband his job as a stay at home dad is only easy because I help out? I tried to post it on other subreddits but they keep removing it because my account is new. I am writing this from the guest bedroom because my husband and I had a fight. So, the thing is my husband is a stay at home dad. 3 years ago he wanted to quit his job and take care of the house and children (6f and 2m). I work a decent job and earn most of the money. My husband takes pride in being a SAHD. He always brags about how it is the easiest job in this world and women are just complaining for no reason. But the truth is I help him with the chores as much as I can. In the morning I wake up and fix the breakfast for them, my husband gets our daughter ready for school. I also do meal preps for lunch. All he has to do is assemble them and cook it. I pack my and my daughter's lunch. When I am at work, he does the cleaning and spends time with our son or does his thing. Later when I come home, I cook the dinner and give my son a bath, help my daughter with her school work or I play with them for sometime until bed time. Besides that, whenever we do laundry I fold the clothes that he washes and put them away. And during deep cleaning of our house we split the tasks 50-50. I also handle all the doctors appointment. This system works really well but I hate that he thinks my contribution is not enough. That he does all the chores and I do not even lift a finger. Moreover, he has a blog and tiktok where he films his days. He also makes posts about how easy it is to be a SAHD and women just complain and full of it. It is the easiest job in this world. I am glad he likes it but I hate he thinks he is superior to everyone and invalidating their experience. I grew up in a house where my dad didn't even lift a finger and my mom did literally everything around the house. He was the "fun" dad doing bare minimum. So, I do not want that to happen to my husband. Also it is my house too, I believe if both people do chores the stress becomes less. Also, I know many of my friends who struggle with doing chores as a SAHM. I also know women who work and still do majority of the chores. And his comments makes me irritated. SO, yesterday my friend Ashley came to visit. She is a mother of two. Her son probably has ADHD and very much active, she has trouble handling her son and gets no help from her husband. Her son breaks a cup in our house. Ashley was saying sorry. My husband cleaned it up and she was complaining how exhausted she is. My husband scoffed and told her "You must be doing the parent thing wrong because I am a stay at home parent too but I never had problem. My wife barely does anything around the house and it is so easy. Maybe I should give you a lesson or two." I can see Ashley was upset. I understand why. Later that day I told him what he said to Ashley was very rude. My husband acted as if he said nothing wrong and was honest. I pointed that he doesn't do all the chores. I help him with at least 40%. That's why he thinks it is easy. He again argued that those chores are not significant compared to what he does. I told him he is being mean to everyone. We got lucky that our kids are easy and not active. Most of the kids are hard to handle. He again scoffed and said how hard can it be. We argued about this and he told me I am being ungrateful because no man would ever sacrifice like he did. I am upset and gave him some space. Was I wrong to point it out? EDIT: Just want to point out, I have no issues of him being a SAHD. I just don't like his attitude towards it and the way he thinks it is the easiest job in this world because to me and most of the people it is still a job that has no vacation days. &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15jr640/updateaita_for_telling_my_husband_his_job_as_a/)\-Aug 6, '23 Ok, I took everyone's advice and stopped working my part of the chores. I did tell him beforehand since he thinks my contribution to the housework is nothing then I will stop doing everything altogether. I told him since he thinks being a SAHD is easy then he should have the full experience of it. My friend's husband doesn't even lift a finger around the house. So I wouldn't too. He was obviously upset. He wanted to argue I cannot do this to him. He even tried to pull the incompetence card. I told him I am not going to do my portion of the job at home. I also gave the typical excuse "I work all day at my office so that we can survive on one income, it is selfish for him to expect me to do housework." That's what I did. I didn't do any housework. I didn't wake up in the morning and made breakfast. My husband had to do it. It wasn't hard for him. But I can see he was moody. I asked him to prepare my lunch because that is also my job. He refused at first but then I told him he said he will do all the household chores too. That includes my lunch as well. He only packed me a peanut butter jelly sandwich. I didn't do meal prep for lunch. It was his to figure out. At night when I came home, I didn't make dinner. I asked him to do it. He was shocked but did it anyways. I didn't gave my son a bath. He is fussy which pissed my husband off. I only helped my daughter with her home work. I didn't help him with the laundry. The first few days he didn't say a word. But after a week, it was showing that he is getting exhausted. He was getting more and more angry at small stuff and usually cleaning would cool him off. But whenever he sees a mess he throws a tantrum. In the weekends, I went to my mother's house to relax. That weekend, we were supposed to clean our bathrooms. He did that all by himself. As the days progressed I can see him being really angry at me. Even I admit, it has affected our intimacy a lot. At last after 2 weeks, he told me (basically yelled) that I proved my point. Things are back to normal. But I can see he is very distant with me. Last night I asked him to talk to me. He said he knew what game I was playing but he did not appreciate me treating him like garbage and not considering his feelings. I told him it was his words that being a SAHD is easy. I just gave him the full experience of it. He kept denying that I should have been more supportive. All these week he felt like nobody and so underappreciated. He felt invisible. He started to hate me for not giving a fuck and dumping everything on him. He is still not talking to me. We have booked a couple's therapy session next week. Let's see if our relationship sustains or not. In the comments: >is alimony a thing where you’re from? OP: We live in a no fault state. >Uh...that has nothing to do with whether or not alimony gets awarded. You'd best check that out. OP: We don't have a prenup. He has been out of work for 3 years. Maybe I do have to pay him alimony. But I am not sure is there any option where even if he gets alimony, he has to find a job within certain amount of time otherwise, his spousal support will be revoked. >As he is the stay at home parent, he will likely get primary custody as it is seen as better for the kids consistently wise. OP: I am not planning on divorce. I believe in our marriage. I am hopeful we will go through with it. If divorce comes, i will be pushing for 50-50 &#x200B; \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*[New Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16y1aez/final_updateaita_for_telling_my_husband_his_job/) \- 02 October 2023\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* This will probably be my last and final update. I wanted to let your guys know, we are not getting a divorce like some of you hoped and cursed me out in my PMs. Like seriously who wishes to a stranger that their husbands should cheat on them? We did go to counselling. And yes I sincerely apologized for my childish behavior because of a reddit post I made. We discovered a lot of things about us and our relationships at the counselling sessions. Firstly, I apologized to him and explain why I did that. I wanted him to feel like it is not easy if you do not have help. I also mentioned my mother's experience in being the caretaker of the family and doing it all alone is exhausting. Which I think now is stupid way to get my point across. But I was hurt and very annoyed that he thinks women just complain about housework when most of them I am sure doesn't have help from their spouses. He expressed that he gets it. And those few weeks when I didn't help him really took a toll on him. He doesn't get tired easily but since he was doing all of it, it was tiring him. I acknowledge that. After a lot of talking and communicating we came to the root cause. He said that sometimes he feels insecure about himself. Like he is not doing enough for us. All of his guy friends have jobs, they provide for their family. His friend bragged about taking his wife to vacation in Greece. He felt small compared to that because he only made us dinner and gave me a massage, on the other hand I gifted him a very expensive watch. He felt like he was supposed to be the provider of this family but he feels really small because I am out here doing good in my career and he feels stuck. It was one of those moments that made me cry. I liked it when he made dinner for me and gave me a massage. He is a good cook. I asked him if he wants to go back in the workplace, if that is the case he will have my full support. I know then things will change a lot. We both have to make compromises but it will be worth it because I love him and he is the best husband anyone could ask for. He says he doesn't want to handle the pressure of workplace. Last time he crashed and decided to quit. He likes being a stay at home dad but also wants to earn. So, he is looking for a part time job while doing what we used to do. I encouraged him to look into freelancing and remote work. He did find one but it is low pay so the search for a decent job is still in the hunt. And he did apologize to my friend Ashley, he realized not everyone has it easy. I mean we hit the jackpot with the kids because they are pretty quiet. People have different struggles. I know he is sincere because he deleted his blog posts about being a SAHD being easy. Also, unrelated, Ashley is getting a divorce. Good for her I guess. We are fine, our children are fine, we still have one more session of therapy left. Our intimate lives are better, we found a way to better communicate with each other rather than being petty. I was scared that our marriage will collapse but I am glad we stood strong. &#x200B; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

[NEW UPDATE]-AITA for telling my husband his job as a stay at home dad is only easy because I help out?

NEW UPDATE

Genuine_friend012

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17710fm/new_updateaita_for_telling_my_husband_his_job_as/

177cfj7

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRAyesherdad in r/relationship_advice** *Reminder: Do not comment on linked posts* Fun fact: Many people know that Frankenstein was the result of a contest, but fewer know that one of the first vampire stories was the result of the same contest. John Polidori, Lord Byron's personal doctor, was at the same party where Mary Shelley revolutionized science fiction, and during the scary story writing contest wrote a story called The Vampyre, about the noble Lord Ruthven who feeds on Aubrey and his sister, creating many of the tropes now associated with vampires. trigger warnings: >!suicide, infidelity, parental alienation, false accusations!< mood spoilers: >!bleak!< **[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16b7tbs/my_48m_daughter_19f_tried_to_hurt_herself_after/)** September 6, 2023 My little girl thinks that her existence is evil. We found out recently that her mother, my wife of 23 years, cheated on me when the man claiming to be her biological father showed up on our doorstep demanding to see her and claiming he didn't know she existed. It's been quite possibly the worst few weeks of my life, but she took it so much worse than I did. She calls herself a bastard. She won't talk to her siblings or her mother, and only apologizes to me. I don't give a fuck if she's half t-rex, I love her with every bone in my body, and she tried to take her life last night. My wife found her. She's going to be okay but this can't happen again. I can't talk to anyone about this, I don't want my family to know. I don't know how to be what she needs. Please help. TL;DR: My daughter isn't mine. She tried to hurt herself. How do I help her? **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16r7eo8/update_my_48m_daughter_19f_tried_to_hurt_herself/)** September 24 2023 Thank you for the advice. Things are not better yet. In fact, things have gotten deeply disturbing. I tried to write this up without using names, and it got confusing, so let's call my non-biological daughter Jane. My other three kids are John (21) Jill (17) and Jenny (15) John, Jill, and Jenny went out and got DNA tested behind my back. The other 3 kids are all biologically mine. They made a big show of giving the results at a family dinner that was supposed to help us all bond again as a family after the original issue, and it upset my daughter a lot. She felt rejected, and honestly, I felt insulted that they hadn't respected my wishes and let sleeping dogs lie at least until things were more stable. I started my absolute best to make Jane feel more safe once she came home. I started sleeping on the couch in her room so she could talk to me if she ever woke up feeling like she had to. I've been taking her and her siblings out a lot more than I used to. I got her presents, and tried to be there for her. I even did something I haven't done since high school, and broke out my old guitar and wrote her a song. I don't know why I thought that was a good idea. I guess I thought she'd be able to understand I wasn't full of it. My soon-to-be ex wife decided to use all of this to accuse me of being creepy to Jane, saying now that I know we're not related I'm praying on her. She said this in front of Jane. It caused Jane to have a second mental breakdown, and it caused me to call a lawyer and start planning for divorce. This is, in my opinion, a far more unforgivable offense than the cheating. She's my *daughter.* I'm going to fight like hell for as much custody of Jill and Jenny as possible, and the good news is, they both seem to want to live with me, and they're old enough that it matters. Those comments, however, made getting through to Jane extremely difficult. I'm worried she'll attempt every day, and she doesn't want me sleeping in her room anymore. I hate my wife with every bone in my body for causing this mess. I can't tell my daughter I love her anymore without scaring her, and she was already scared our relationship was going to change. She says she believes me when I tell her I would never in a million years see her as anything but my *child,* but she flinches when I hug her. How the fuck do I fix this? TL;DR: My ex wife made some truly vile comments and now my daughter who I've raised since the day she was born is afraid of me. **Reminder: I am not the original poster**

My (48M) daughter (19F) tried to hurt herself after we found out she's not biologically mine. How do I help her understand that I'm still her father, and that her existence is the best thing in my life?

ONGOING

pitaenigma

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/177cfj7/my_48m_daughter_19f_tried_to_hurt_herself_after/

177fhg3

Mood spoilers: >!Happy for OP!< &#x200B; [**I can’t afford a divorce.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/comments/vyyzij/i_cant_afford_a_divorce/) posted in r/povertyfinance by u/memawszuchinnibread on July 14, 2022: Husband bought a NEW truck without my knowledge. Just drove home with a truck and a $860/month payment for 5 years. We bring in 4400/month. Our mortgage is $900/month. My car payment is $320. I have one year left on that. We pay $500/week for daycare for our single kid, so that’s HALF our money gone at the end of the month. After our mortgage, this new truck payment, my car payment and daycare that will leave us with a grand total of $330 a month for our other bills. “We will be fine” he says. I just lost it. Then he told me to get a second job if I was so worried. I am so close to graduating with my BSN. I can’t have two full time jobs and go to school full time FOR A TRUCK HE BOUGHT. He told me to sell my car because his truck gets better mileage and I asked him how his diesel truck getting 22 miles to the gallon is better than my car that gets 32 and he said the tank is bigger on his. It’s like he’s been replaced with a stupid alien. I don’t even know what his thought process has been. We cannot survive on $330/month or pay our other bills, water, gas (diesel for his stupid new truck) , electric, FOOD. We will have nothing to put back for emergencies. I am so angry, this is the most irresponsible thing. I can’t even leave. I won’t be able to find a place to rent for under $900 month beside that this is my home damn it. I can’t afford the mortgage and other bills on my own. I’m just a NA right now, I only bring home $1800/month. Not enough to even cover daycare. I couldn’t afford a lawyer anyway. Edited: I am overwhelmed with all the wonderful advice here. I always come here to read the advice, it’s one of my faves spots on Reddit. I can’t respond to you all. We have (had) amazingly great credit. I am just sick over this. He is refusing to take back the truck. We had another blow up over it. I graduate in December and I already have an offer of employment at the hospital I work for so he said he “took a chance on a great offer because our money situation will change”. I told him I was done. We can’t go 6 months on nothing. And $500/week is CHEAP daycare for where we are at and it’s a very good daycare, I am not leaving my baby at some sketchy home daycare. I am not quitting my job to stay home so my husband can have a fucking truck. The hospital is helping pay my tuition and I like my job. I am not going to be stuck jobless and dependent on a man, no thanks. No he hasn’t hit his head or have any sort of mental issues that I know of. &#x200B; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/comments/vyyzij/comment/j9vvg3r/?context=3) in comments on February 24, 2023: I got my BSN! I have a great job as a GN (Graduate Nurse. I take my boards soon, then I will be an RN) and I kicked him out and began divorce proceedings. He had to move in with his dad. Life is good now! &#x200B; [**Elaboration**](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/comments/vyyzij/comment/j9vw19h/?context=3) in a similar comment: Hi! Our money is separated because we are separated! Got my BSN, waiting to take my registration exam but I landed a great job as a Graduate Nurse. Life is great now, logging into Reddit for the first time because I’ve been a little busy and wow! If anyone is wondering if they should drop dead weight in a relationship… DO IT. It’s the most freeing thing ever. &#x200B; Bonus: The only other comment from OP says "Well shit I think I found my husbands Reddit account.", in response to a deleted comment. Many people were concerned about this in the original thread, but the comment was most likely in jest. The deleted comment OP was replying to (recovered by reveddit) read: >You want to divorce a man over a truck. Have you ever considered that the truck may bring him happiness. Is he not allowed to be happy? You think divorce will provide a more stable life for you and your baby? Lady I suggest you grow up and talk to your husband and work this thing out. Divorce is hell on children, no matter what the woke mob insinuate.

I can’t afford a divorce.

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passingthrough3333

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/177fhg3/i_cant_afford_a_divorce/

177g0b6

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/astralgirl- **OOP's boyfriend is creeping her out** **Originally posted to** r/autism & r/abusiverelationships **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!controlling behavior, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, body shaming, porn addiction!< [My autistic boyfriend is creeping me out.](https://reddit.com/r/autism/s/tuflpHWjjg) **July 9, 2023** This is mostly a vent post. Me and my new boyfriend are both autistic and have started seeing each other about 4 months ago. Both of us have never been in a relationship before. He has started to give me the creeps lately. He found a picture of me on social media from when I used to be goth and has been pressuring me CONSTANTLY to dye my hair blue again like in the picture. He screenshot all my pictures and showed me he did that, yet won’t follow me on any social media yet stalks/keeps tabs on me. He also wants me to get tattoos and dress like that again. He got me to bring all my old goth clothes to his apartment and they’re in different places every time I come over, which tells me he’s obviously doing something with them. (He snoops through my stuff in general) He shows me offensive over-sexualized pictures of tattooed/alternative women e-girls and OnlyFans creators with tattoos IN PUBLIC asking me what I think of their look and if I’d change myself to look like them. He has some kinks and religious trauma which I am non judgemental towards but he is always trying to do BDSM and butt stuff with me, and thinks I’d be into that because I used to be goth. He gets me to show him my old goth pictures and has tried to trick me into syncing my google photos onto his computer so he can access my pictures. I would never give him any pictures because I already caught him taking picture of me without my consent and sending them to multiple people, his family and friends. He also tries to track my location and internet usage and get money from me, but never directly talks to me about anything yet he is always trying to trick me. He used to love bomb me but now treats me like garbage. He’s narcissistic, entitled and overall disrespectful, I’ve told him that I don’t want tattoos and won’t dye my hair and that goth is a music subculture not a kink and he never listens. He shames my body, my finances, my clothes, where I live, the list goes on. (He doesn’t listen to me in general and I feel like an object.) He never wants to do any fun activities with me and I’m always compromising for him. He is very straight laced and wants to go to places like goth clubs and nude beaches just to stare at women. Lately he has been trying to control and shame me for what I eat and also body shamed me for being fat and hairy (I am 5’8 120lbs, I am on the skinny side.) he wants me to body build but also not eat anything?? It doesn’t make sense. He points out other women exercising and takes a little dig at me. He wants me to spend thousands of dollars on my appearance yet he has terrible hygiene and won’t even comb his hair and brush his teeth for me. He likes parading me around like a show pony while he looks practically homeless. It’s humiliating. He is classist and calls me poor for being upper middle class and inflates how wealthy he and his family are, yet never pays. His brother shamed me when I met him. Made me feel awful. We have problems in our sex life as well, he has a hard time ejaculating and checks out other women all the time. He acts 12. He is 27. I feel controlled, devalued, criticized, unheard, and taken for granted. He is full of shame and I can’t get him to have an adult conversation about any of these issues. I tried to end it twice and he starts sobbing and telling me how much he needs me, loves me, cares about me, thinks I’m brilliant, etc. practically begging me to stay. I feel used and manipulated; he’s an awful, reprehensible person. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/autism/s/SNoi0V48fx) **July 10, 2023** I wanted to thank everyone who read my story and commented. Thank you all of your kind and supportive words. **I went ahead and left him.** So I went to his apartment yesterday and told him in the most adult, respectful way I could possibly manage that I cannot be in a relationship with him. I told him I wasn't being respected and that he was crossing my boundaries, that he was trying to change me, pick on me, and was generally cruel to me. I pretty much told him everything he was doing wrong except for the control/tracking/exploitation stuff because I didn't want to get into that for the sake of my safety, and by the end of our two and a half hour conversation I was heading into shutdown territory so I had to leave. I'm pretty sure he filmed the interaction, he has a camera in his room and I thought I saw it turn on. Really nothing to see other than me gently informing him I will not tolerate such disrespect, and that I thought he was trying to change me and didn't desire me, etc. He denied all negative allegations and cried the entire time and was trying to guilt me into staying (as expected.) Of course he still thought I was useful to him. To his credit he didn't get angry. I am still concerned for my safety and privacy, I am worried he will doxx me or commit some kind of cyber crime. Highly unlikely as he works for the government and his father (whom he is afraid of) controls him/pays his rent. Additionally worth noting his family name is already stained with sociopathy and there are mainstream news articles covering the crime, so it is highly unlikely he will do anything to me if he wants to get anywhere in life. Especially because he wants to seek further education and advance his career. When I broke up with him, I could see clearly that he has severe communication deficits. I believe this is caused by a combination of the double empathy problem, distractibility and focus issues from ADHD, as well as strong narcissistic traits. I don't think he understood half of what I was saying and the impact of his actions. He apologized profusely and told me he wanted to work on our issues together and that he doesn't want to break up. He then performed a bunch of future faking and false promises to sell me on staying. I refused. I told him I crossed a line and that there is no going back, especially after body shaming. I explained to him that by body shaming someone, it will make them self conscious and uncomfortable and therefore not want to have sex with someone. That got his attention, lol. I suspect he had a porn addiction, that he consumed at a lot of goth porn/alternative girl porn and got the wrong idea about me because I fall into some porn stereotypes targeting nerdy men; think Belle Delphine type stuff (I like Japanese culture and used to be very goth, maybe he thought I was one of those a porn content creators who had a target audience of lonely nerdy men? He was also obsessed with the idea of me playing video games and was always trying to get me to start playing them.) I know some people confuse fantasy with reality and was suspicious of that happening within our relationship. Towards the end of our time together he was focusing solely on my image as well as his and we no longer discussed anything intellectual as we did when we first began seeing each other. Our relationship had dissipated into something vapid and meaningless. This was not what I had signed up for. Upon further reflection, I think he really did confuse fantasy for reality and got the wrong idea about me completely, because he never listened to me when I tried to tell him what goth is about and that people have gotten the wrong in the past by assuming I was a nympho into kink due to my external appearance. Absolutely no shame in being into kink, it just is not for me right now. We were both virgins and I was not ready to go there yet. He always blocked out things he didn't want to hear or didn't align with the fantasy, it was startling how very little he knew about me. He told me "that doesn't sound like you" when I stood up for myself. He asked me "did you hear that somewhere?" when I told him we were having too many issues very early in the relationship and it just wasn't going to work. It's as if he didn't think I was capable of THINKING FOR MYSELF and had actual THOUGHTS. Or I wasn't going to "script", which is a narcissist tendency. Yet sometimes, he respected by opinion, especially regarding topics of psychology and sociology. TBH, I thought he was some fantasy person wanted me to solve all of his problems and fix his life became disenchanted when I was unable to instantly do that. He didn't know really anything about me and didn't take the time to learn about me and had some kind of fantasy version of me that existed in his head. He was more in love with the idea of having a girlfriend than me as a person. He thought the person in his head was THE REAL ME and that he was trying to HELP me. I do hope he seeks therapy. I wonder if he had a delusional disorder. He also had this idea that because we were both autistic, that we must think EXACTLY the same. It doesn't work that way... we all are different colours of the spectrum and my experience differs vastly from his due to subjective experience of life, factors like gender and upbringing, etc. etc. I feel so stupid for allowing this to go on for as long as it did. I am proud of myself for resisting the pressure he put on me to move in with him, give him money, and change my appearance, do uncomfortable sex acts, etc. it was a fairly easy exit and civil but I still feel depressed. Mourning what could of been, perhaps. This is my first breakup (and his) so I am feeling all kinds of new and uncomfortable emotions and bodily sensations (I have alexithymia) so this is all very depressing and strange. I am happy with my decision and will not be looking back. I am fairly comfortable with being alone and will not be seeking a new relationship any time soon, and will perhaps enter therapy to build my self esteem. Writing out my situation and receiving feedback has allowed me to better understand a very complicated situation and I thank all the lovely supportive people who commented on my post. Your time and kindness means so much to me. <3 [Should I delete the shared photo album me and my ex have together?](https://reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/peMvQ8Hwp1) **Aug 5, 2023** My and my abusive ex have a shared photo album that we made when we went on our first trip together. It was both of our first relationships and our first time having sex together. (We lost our virginities to each other.) Overall it was a lovely memory and I fell for him deeply on this trip. Unfortunately the memory became tainted after he turned into a complete monster and shattered my heart into a million pieces. He’s a very dangerous individual (high in dark triad traits) and I know it’d be foolish to keep him tied to me in any way shape or form. For some reason, I still don’t know if I should delete the album. I broke up with him six weeks ago and have him blocked and deleted (his fake spy accounts, too) on all platforms except Google and deleting the album and blocking him on Google would be the last thing to do in order to completely scrub him from the surface of my existence. Despite the vile person he revealed himself to be, I am sentimental and romantic and am hanging on to the positive aspects of our time together and everything I learned about myself. What should I do? **OOP COMMENTED ON A DIFFERENT POST ONE MONTH LATER** **FROM THE POST: What Differences Have You Noticed In Your Body/Appearance (Good or Bad)** [OOP's comment](https://reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/u7a7hPWrp2) NC for almost 3 months. I don’t know if it’s due to my altered perception when I was seeing him (the constant put downs did a number on my self image) but I am like a different person now, inside and out. My skin conditions (acne, dermatitis) have cleared up completely, my hair looks thicker and has a nice sheen to it, my face is less gaunt and has a vibrancy to it that wasn’t there before. Teeth are whiter from less coffee (I could barely sleep when I was with him so I overcaffinated) I’m the same weight but my fitness has improved. My chronic muscle pain and headaches went away. These people are parasites that suck the life out of their hosts. No longer a shrivelled up shell of myself. There’s nowhere to go but up once you leave them and go NC. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

OOP's boyfriend is creeping her out

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/177g0b6/oops_boyfriend_is_creeping_her_out/

177gxaq

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/artwhizinthesnow **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **My niece (4F) ruined my (19M) anniversary present for my gf (19F)** Trigger Warnings: >!Property Damage!< Mood Spoilers: >!All ends well!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/171utni/my_niece_4f_ruined_my_19m_anniversary_present_for/) - **October 6, 2023** My gf (19F) and I (19M) are celebrating our 5 year anniversary this Halloween. Every anniversary, she always gives me these impressive figurines THAT SHE MAKES, and it always blows me away. I always feel like my presents are always way lamer than her presents, so I decided to make her something this year. With guidance from her friends, I printed pictures of us onto a large canvas, and used white tape to make cute frames. I know it may not seem that impressive, but I'm not artistic, but she is and I wanted to make her something that I thought she would like. I had the gift hidden in a closet. The problem came whenever I looked after my sister (33F)'s kids (4F, 5M). I took them down to the basement to do some painting. My niece walked away from the table to what I thought was the drawer with the art supplies, so I didn't think much of it. So, while I was focused on my nephew and gushing over how "he and his sister are the best artists in the world" my niece went into the closet where my gf's present was and with her paint brush, painted all over it. The second I heard the door my head shot up. When I saw my niece over the canvas smudging paint all over it my heart sank. I took my niece out of the closet, shoved the canvas back into the closet, slammed the door shut, and carried her back to the table. I felt dead inside. My niece and nephew kept asking me if I was okay. I reassured them I was fine and ended up bringing them ice cream to convince them that everything was okay. When my gf came home, after I gave my nephew a bath, I asked her if she could give my niece a bath. She laughed at how she was covered in paint, and I joked that "She went to town painting." While I was waiting for my gf and niece to finish, I watched cartoons with my nephew and started thinking about what I was going to do, because nothing I could get her could possibly be good enough for our 5 year, and what I was going to give her was completely ruined. She deserves an amazing present, and I don't know what to do. I'm screwed. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** ***Careful-Tie-407:** So what have you learned?* > **OP:** > 1. If a kid wanders, follow them, even if it's in the same room > 2. My niece REALLY loves to paint > 3. Hide the canvas somewhere else. Maybe in my gf's brother's closet ***Careful-Tie-407:** So it wasn't a total loss. And lesson one and lesson 2 have a corollary rule follow wandering kids twice as hard if there is paint around. Or power tools* >**OP:** Luckily, we don't have power tools in our house. That is a good point. Her wandering could have brought her somewhere that wasn't a nearly empty closet. Good thing it was just a present harmed and not her. Despite what she did saddened me, she's just a kid and I still love her. &nbsp; ***MrForcoss:** I think a cool consolation might be to do a painting class or date type of thing with her. She’s artistic and you aren’t but it might be really cool to her that you put yourself out of your comfort zone if you still wanna do something for her after showing/explaining what happened. That’s rough but you did good honestly! You put good thought in and consulted her friends to so you’ve def shown you care* > **OP:** Consulting her friends was not only because they know and care about my gf, but they are also artists, so I thought her artist friends would give great advice for what a non-artist can make, but still turn out really good. They did. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/172d3bk/update_my_niece_4f_ruined_my_19m_anniversary/) - **October 7, 2023** I told my girlfriend as the few of y'all suggested. Later that day when my sister picked up her kids, I took her to the basement, and to the closet to show her what my niece did. I explained that I've always felt like while she does like the presents I give her, I feel bad because she puts so much effort into my presents. I explained to her what exactly I was trying to make. Luckily, my niece didn't cover the entirety of the canvas, and my girlfriend saw bits of the canvas. In particular a picture her friend took of us in the cafeteria in high school, with her with her head on my shoulder. She gushed about how sweet it was, and she suggested that we could turn this into an anniversary project. We could make another canvas, and maybe include some of her pictures. I told her how much of a great idea it was, and she was jumping with joy and excitement. Maybe I'll give y'all an update when my anniversary comes around, but for now, I'm excited for our little project. Let's be honest here, it's gonna turn out better with her help. &nbsp; **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

My niece (4F) ruined my (19M) anniversary present for my gf (19F)

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Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/177gxaq/my_niece_4f_ruined_my_19m_anniversary_present_for/

177gxtm

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Firm-Ad374 **AITA for not telling my wife “the real reason” why I married her?** **Originally posted to r/AITAH** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/qaBue2hF1e)  **Oct 4, 2023** **To give some context to my current situation, I need to provide some background information.** About 14 years ago, I (M42 today) got my MEng degree but was struggling to find work. I did eventually land a job working for a medium-sized company, but even then I was still struggling financially as I owed so much debt in student loans and lived in a pretty expensive city. It was admittedly a pretty low point in my life. I’m sure many people can relate to the feeling that you’ve done so much schoolwork and then don’t have much to show for it. I did, however, build a good relationship with my boss (M84 today), as in my mind this was the easiest way to earn promotions and in turn a high income. Eventually, I met my boss’s family. One thing that quickly became obvious was that his daughter, Rose (F39 today), liked me a lot. I didn’t think too much of it at the time because I thought mixing my professional and personal lives would be a bad idea. Also, I did not reciprocate her feelings in any way. Though for obvious reasons, I was always exceptionally polite to her at every interaction. Long story short, my boss’s wife (F78 today) found out, and I started getting invited by my boss to his house pretty regularly for things like dinners, etc. Throughout all of these, my boss and his wife would somehow always steer conversations in ways that led to me talking to Rose or would leave the room for some reason or another just leaving the two of us together. Later, my boss would even tell me things like how I felt like family and he’d be happy to recommend me to higher positions, etc, since his wife and daughter are so fond of me. Needless to say, I started talking more to Rose, and within weeks I got a promotion. While I will admit to not feeling much of a romantic connection with Rose, I did put a lot of effort into fostering that relationship, and she was happy with the attention I was giving her. After a few months of this, we were married. As you can imagine, my career really took off then. However, I did leave the company roughly 2 years after getting married and with the recommendations, I was able to get from my former boss/father-in-law and several other people he introduced me to. I was able to secure a good position elsewhere. Today, I can happily say that after being married for 12 years and having 3 children together, there is no other woman I’d rather spend my life with. Because I feel like this, I’ve always felt that my primary motivator for getting married to Rose is no longer relevant. That being said, I had lunch with two of my long-time friends, Michael (M43) and Wilson (M38), a few days ago. We haven’t seen each other in about a year, so it was a nice opportunity to catch up. I’d like to add that Michael and Wilson are both familiar with my situation as we were in regular contact back then. At one point in the conversation, Michael asked if Rose ever found out “the real reason” why I decided to marry her. I told him, of course not, and that her finding out would be needlessly painful for her. Wilson agreed with Michael, saying things like honesty and transparency were the main things he and his wife picked up from couples’ therapy and that it would be better long term if Rose found out. I reaffirmed to them that Rose not knowing would be best for our family, and the conversation largely ended there. That being said, I have started to think more about what they’ve said and do feel a little guilty. AITA? [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ZBTbWqYuwr)  **Oct 7, 2023** **I just saw my previous post this morning and was surprised (and a little overwhelmed) by the amount of responses I received. Nonetheless, I do think it is appropriate to provide a quick update.** I had time to do some self-reflection over the past few days, and my conclusion is that I am probably the luckiest man in the world to have such a fantastic wife and wonderful children. Rest assured that I have no intention of my wife ever finding out the “real” reason why I decided to marry her. Also, I am very confident that my two friends won’t say anything to my wife. I failed to mention it earlier, but I also have some ammunition on Michael’s marriage, and given that Wilson is in couples therapy, I’m highly doubtful he’d say anything. Even without this, I can’t imagine either of them overstepping such a boundary. I’m sure many of you are wondering how they knew in the first place. The reason they knew was because we were all housemates at the time and they were able to witness the situation unfold firsthand. I guess you could say that while I'm largely an introverted person, I still talk a lot especially with my friends. I do still feel guilty about my initial motivation to pursue my wife, but also very grateful for how things turned out. I like to think she's also grateful. Over the last few days, I have been trying to turn this gratitude into action to make my wife feel appreciated. Yesterday, I brought her breakfast in bed and in the evening after work, I brought her (a surprisingly expensive) bouquet of flowers. Tonight, we have reservations for her favorite restaurant and a sitter who will watch the children. I know these things are minor in the grand scheme of things, but I want to do more thoughtful things for my wife. This will be my early New Year's resolution. **RELEVANT COMMENT FROM OOP** >My love for her certainly did grow over time. When I first met her I thought she was physically stunning (and still do), I was just very caught up in my own life (largely finances) also I thought that mixing my professional and personal lives would not be good. Also, our personalities were opposites. >She was certainly attracted to me and when her father covertly encouraged me (with some incentives), I went with it. >Regardless, I love her and the family we've created together more than anything **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for not telling my wife “the real reason” why I married her?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/177gxtm/aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_the_real_reason_why/

177tf7e

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/crazymastiff **TIFU by telling the entire minor league hockey team and season holders that I do meth.** **Originally posted to** r/tifu [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/tifu/s/XIw8uqvcnp)  **Oct 7, 2023** I am a season ticket holder to our local AHL team. A lot of these players go in to be NHL stars and I feel like a big sister watching her much more talented little brothers fulfill their dreams. I am entrenched in all things my AHL team. I haven’t seen anyone since early April as we failed to even make it to the first round of the playoffs. It’s been 6 months since I really saw anyone as I did not go to any off season activities. Last week we had our first meet and greet the players for season ticket holders. The multi-year, full season ticket holders all know each other well and some of the returning players know us as well due to various events and activities in which we can participate. During the off season, I lost A LOT of weight. A bit over 80lbs. It’s a long story and people want to talk about it. I’m one of those people that CANNOT take compliments, become incredibly awkward and just start to babble. To stop myself from babbling I just say something stupid that is obviously fake to people that know me. I arrived before the event started, but there were still a bunch of people and players socializing. I suddenly hear, “Omg, Crazymastiff! You lost so much weight!” I got to know this woman fairly well over the years and felt comfortable making a horrible joke because obviously she knows it’s a joke. not thinking anything of it, I say, “Thanks! I did a fuck ton of meth over the summer!” The people that know me laugh, some ignore me, some give me weird looks. It’s all good. So I thought… Apparently, a player overheard and after the event told all the other players that weren’t in the room yet that I had gotten addicted to meth and just got out if rehab! I got fucking flowers and a signed card from every member of the team letting me know they’re there to support me as “we’re all part of the (team name) family!” Tomorrow is our first preseason home game. My seats are 4th row right behind the net. I think I’ll just wear a hoodie and dark glasses and sink in my seat as low as possible. Oh… it wasn’t meth. I got really sick because I was a diabetic and couldn’t get my sugar below 650. Was hospitalized and started losing weight because well… I was dying. I lost 20 just from vomiting and other fun stuff due to my sugar being ridiculous. Then I was put on mounjaro in April and lost all the additional weight. TL;DR Lost a lot of weight and yelled across a crowded room full of hockey players and season ticket holders that I did a lot of meth over the off season. Now the entire team thinks I have a meth addiction. **OOP UPDATES IN THE COMMENTS** [Update here](https://reddit.com/r/tifu/s/xkkgDgFLFG) **Same Day** I have no clue how to do an update, so I hope whoever wants to see this is able to… I made a few calls and a fb post (my fb is very private and I never post photos since I don’t want clients to find me. It doesn’t even have my real name in it. My profile pic is Kylo Ren riding a highland cow while holding a battle ready capybara as they march off to war - I went nuts with the AI generator thing). The miscommunication is getting around now and the responses I’m getting from everyone is hysterical. Everyone says that they were really confused and telling people it was most likely a joke I made as that’s my humor. However… as someone suggested, I’m going to go early before they even get on the ice for warm ups, (again, it’s only preseason so there won’t be a lot of people in the arena yet) by then I’m sure at least some would have heard about the mix up. I’m going to hold a neon green sign against the glass that says, “THANK YOU! BTW, my crack dealer has a good connect for smelling salts.” I’ll just hold it up to the glass for a moment or two, just long enough for them to see it. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU by telling the entire minor league hockey team and season holders that I do meth.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/177tf7e/tifu_by_telling_the_entire_minor_league_hockey/

177v69t

**I am not the OOP. Originally posted by u/lost_lost7 to r/TrueOffMyChest and subsequently r/TwoXChromosomes** Trigger Warning: >!death, suicide, depression!< Mood spoiler: >!depressing!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15bmbdu/my_husband_killed_someone_and_cant_cope/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) - July 28th, 2023 #My husband killed someone and can’t cope 5 months ago a woman purposely walked in front of my husband's truck, he struck her, and was killed. Much like the people who kill their family before killing themselves, she was so selfish, basically taking him with her. He quit on the spot. His employer should have recognized that he was in distress and given him some time off instead of accepting his resignation but they didn’t. I’m 8 months pregnant and before someone says “you shouldn't have kids if you can't afford them”, I know. We are in a world of hurt right now and it’s only going to get worse. The accident brought up bad juju from an accident ten years ago where he lost his wife and son. He has anxiety that he didn’t have before. He goes to therapy but hasn’t driven since the accident. He would rather walk in 100 degree heat than get behind the wheel. He has driven trucks for nearly 13 years, it’s all he knows. I know mental health is so important but we are at a dead end. I won't insult him by acting like I know what he is going through or what he is feeling but we can’t afford for him to grieve any longer. I have been telling him for the last month that we are running out of money. We have less than $100 dollars to our names and our pantry is bare. Life can’t wait for him to get ready. I don't know what ultimatum I can give him that will snap him back to reality but next week we are going to be living on the street. We are on a month to month lease because we don’t have the best credit so if we don’t pay, we are out. I’ve already pushed our car payment back as much as I could. We've used our get out of jail free cards, used all generosity from our family and friends, and I’ve exhausted local resources. I work full time in a salon and simply don’t make enough to support us. I try finding odd side jobs but I’m limited until after I give birth. I don't want to come off as insensitive but he needs to go back to work. We had a small savings that we have been using but that money is gone. My husband insisted he help out the woman's family with final expenses which I was against but he did it anyway. He feels guilty. And I feel like the worst bitch wife in the world saying all this but I can’t do this alone. Update #1 [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/15pjdpk/my_husband_took_his_life_in_front_of_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) - August 12th, 2023 #My husband took his life in front of me This happened a few days ago and it’s a cruel twisted irony that I made this reddit asking how hard I should push him to go back to work. My last post was about how we were going to lose our place because my husband couldn’t recover after a woman stepped in front of his semi 7ish months ago. I said it was like she took him with her. Now he is actually gone and it’s not even the same. Before I get some assholes asking “why are you posting right now?”. I don’t know what to do. I notified his family. After my last post I pushed him to try to get his job back and they took him back with open arms which was a huge blessing and surprise. When I called his boss yesterday to tell him my husband wouldn’t be coming back , he told me that the company would pay for his funeral. He had been with them for nearly 10 years before he abruptly quit the day of the accident. He needed therapy and time off but thought the best thing, the “easiest” thing would be to quit and try and handle it alone. If you have people in your corner and if you have resources available to you, please use them. Did you know if someone unalives themselves in your house you are responsible for cleanup? If you are renting and don’t have renters insurance, it’s on you. I’m 8 months pregnant and I’m being induced next week and I can’t even go inside my house. I contacted the church we had been to on and off, where we got married, and suicide is a sin so no help there. I think I was too hard on him in the last few weeks. I had let the stress build up and didn’t tell him how bad things were until it was too late. He thought “Oh she can handle it like she always does”. We have to stop thinking like that. And be “we” I mean anyone who is reading this because I’m sure you do it too. I brought up adoption because who would choose to bring a child into this world being poor? That is what a lot of comments told me and they were right. I’m being induced next week and I don’t even have a clean environment to bring a baby back to. It’s the last piece of my husband and I don’t know if I deserve to raise him. I know I might have seemed like an asshole about my husband (I was/am just stressed) but he was a good man who deserved to be a father and he deserved to be here. He just didn’t see that and I think I’ll have a broken heart for the rest of my life. If anyone is in my area who wants to sit on the curb and drink lukewarm bottle water with a stranger, my dm’s are open. If you are struggling, please get help. You are not weak or less than. Mental health is so important and serious. Please. Update: Wow I can't keep up with the comments. For privacy sake I'll just say Illinois. I have alot of places to call so than you to every single kind comment and message. I won't say I'm ok or that I will be anytime soon, but, I'm safe. Update #2 [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/15xuik2/8_pounds_5_oz_and_195_inches/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) - August 23rd, 2023 #8 pounds 5 oz. and 19.5 inches This is an update to those of you who asked on my last post (got removed NSFW) so I hope it’s ok that I do so. I had my baby boy this past weekend. 8 pounds 5 oz. and 19.5 inches. I wanted to share the news because when I texted his family the day he arrived I was told they wanted to know nothing about him and didn’t want to see any pictures. Heart crushing is an understatement. Trying to sign up for survivor benefits and WIC while also filling out life insurance paperwork is surreal. I just hope it’s approved ASAP. I’m keeping my baby no matter how hard it’ll be. I never thought I’d be sending my husband to heaven and welcoming his boy within a week of each other. I want to believe they somehow crossed paths up there because the thought of him not meeting or never knowing his precious son is unfathomable.

My husband killed someone and can’t cope

CONCLUDED

TheDarkySupreme

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/177v69t/my_husband_killed_someone_and_cant_cope/

177z2r7

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Primary_Tumbleweed89 **Originally posted to** r/AmITheAsshole **AITA for refusing my sisters offer to pay for the gender reveal scan?** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, hostility!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16wx4be/aita_for_refusing_my_sisters_offer_to_pay_for_the/) – **October 1, 2023** So my girlfriend [F26] and I [M29] found out in August that we were going to be parents to our first child. Generally, everyone was very happy about the news. However because of the shock I felt at the time (it wasn't planned), I called my mother for reassurance and it helped. She wasn't happy I told her over a phone call which I understand and am likely an AH for. I apologised and we put it behind us. My sister has been supportive, she helped us move to a new house, wanted to take my partner out baby shopping in a few weeks. However, my mother was less helpful. We had a facetime mid August about housing options, then my mother randomly asked me about if my partner was on the pill. I said yes and I've seen her take it, and she asked if I was sure. Almost like she was insinuating that I was baby trapped. I have had worries about my sister. I'm happy she's excited but I feel sometimes she's too much. She was talking about having the baby every weekend so we could do stuff as a couple, and I said we have to consider both families. She was also concerned about us moving a bit closer to my girlfriend's family than mine. She said I wouldn't get as much support and questioned the support from my partner's as her mother lives 2 hours away. I said she comes down every weekend to look after her mother with dementia, we'll be fine. My sister offered to pay for our gender reveal scan. We both thought this was a lovely gesture and said yes. My sister understandably wanted to come because she's paying for it. My sister told me that the one she was booking allowed up to five people to come and suggested we bring my mum along. I then said if she's coming, then my girlfriend's mum should come too. She disagreed because it's the only involvement they'll have during the pregnancy and my girlfriend's family will be at other events. We said it's not about who we're including, it's about having support during a personal appointment, and my girlfriend doesn't want only all my family there. My mum previously said either it's just my family or no scan. I said fine, we'll pay for it ourselves. My sister then messaged my girlfriend to explain her reasoning which left her in tears. She also said my family like to do things separate and they're a bit antisocial. They think meeting my girlfriend's mum at the scan will be awkward. We think this kind of reasoning is selfish and not putting our wishes first. My mum and sister are getting me to understand their reasoning. I do understand it, I just don't agree with it. My girlfriend's mum isn't bothered by them not wanting her there, just more by how it's affected us. She told me not to worry about them and hugged me. She said she's happy to pay for it and for me to invite whoever I want. This is a post here because despite many agreements about our side of things, I have doubt because my sister was going to pay for it. And I was considering my dad but my girlfriend's mum believes that would anger my family. AITA? EDIT: To elaborate on a few things. The phone call with my mum, it wasn't an initial reaction of how dare I tell her on the phone, she was happy, said congrats based on if we were deciding to keep it at the time. It was only found out she wasn't too happy when we recorded my sister's reaction and at this event, I told my mother that I was driving to my dad's to see him the next day. My mum doesn't think my dad does enough for me. We see each other rarely in person (maybe like once or twice a year) but we get on fine. It was his first time being a grandfather and my mother's 4th time. My sister has 3 kids already. She's desperate for a 4th of her own but my BIL keeps telling her no. My mum when I mentioned this suggested just facetiming him but I said no, and then she said "so he gets a live surprise and I get a phone call?" I told her I needed initial support and sorry she found out this way. People have asked what's the situation with my dad. Him and my mum have been divorced for 24 years. He wasn't the kindest to my mother at the time and I had a stepmother who kept driving a wedge between my dad and I who has been out of the picture for a few years now. I've told him about this situation and he thinks they're being ridiculous. I get people telling me I need a backbone and yeah it's something I've worked harder in therapy to get over. To provide a little backstory, I was an impressionable kid who was suspected of autism at a young age, my mum refused to take me to get assessed because she felt at the time that I should learn alongside the other neurotypical kids. This obviously didn't work because I constantly questioned myself, and with the aid of people like my sister reminding me of little mistakes I made, it continued to knock my confidence back. It was only until a breakup which happened when I was 23 and a downward spiral of depression did I get more help. Doctors said I didn't have autism but more anxiety. Mum and sister insist I do because they think I'll get more support. But linking it with stuff in this post, it feels like grooming. And I have pushed back on several occasions to just let me be. I'd get comments about how something I did was an autistic thing which I said stop to. My sister has two kids diagnosed with autism and one kid with ADHD, and she works for an autism charity. I went on prozac after being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was also with an ex at a different time and saw subtle controlling methods through that and we didn't work out afterwards. That was something my family helped me through, but I'm getting that narcissistic people can often not get along with other narcissistic people because they'll try and expose the other person to make themselves look better. So my growing up was conflicted because on one hand, there was nitpicking and on the other, care that seemed genuine. My mum has also suffered abusive relationships and grieved through the death of a partner, so I pinned weird behaviour on that. Same with my sister who had a stillbirth. There's a comment somewhere in here which explains a list of stuff my sister did a few years ago which stopped her going to my mum and stepdad's wedding. And now I'm with a beautiful human being to start a family with, and while it's a shame my family couldn't be cooperative and understanding, she and our baby come first and we need each other first and foremost. No one is dictating to us about who cares for them or anything else. I called my mum out for what she said about the babytrap, she apologised to me but not to my partner (who overheard the conversation). Ever since then she's been distant. Writing this now, I'm wondering to myself why I'm even letting her come to the scan if my partner's mum comes after her behaviour. My mum back pedals a lot, says something that would annoy or upset someone and then says it was a joke. I have since told her there was back pedaling but she's denied it. My mum's weird views on separating from my partner's family stems from her own anxiety I believe. We believe she's on the spectrum but she's in denial about it. We've seen moments of her having some sensory overload moments, being obsessed with specific topics (mostly conspiracy theories), lack of a filter at times and struggle to see things from others' point of view. My sister I believe wants to be seen as the best guardian (very possibly parents) and sees her family as a threat. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP** ***nezukakyoto:** NTA* *Any help or gifts with strings attached. Don't do it. Never ever.* >**OP:** Yeah it's been a similar case when I was younger. When my sister asked me for a favour I wouldn't feel comfortable with or didn't drop everything to do, she'd say "but I do everything for you". These days, I'm seeing the manipulation take a bit of a different form. ***dart1126:** NTA. Your mom chewed you out for calling her with the baby news…I was already scratching my head at that, and you seem to accept that makes you an asshole. With crap like that permeating your life, it’s no wonder you’re on here for the rest of this. Your mom and sister sound like real pieces of work I’m sorry to say. Your mom goes on to insinuate you were baby trapped, then her and your sister go on to say only your side of the family should be in on gender scan? It doesn’t matter who’s paying for it, everything regarding your life is for you to decide who’s included.* *Your girlfriends mom sounds like truly a gem by the way.* >**OP:** I accept that I need to set better boundaries for myself. I was always brought up believing I was being unreasonable and it's only in the last few years I've been able to break away more. So you're right, I shouldn't question how I told my mother about the baby. I confided in her and if my child did that with me, I'd appreciate them trusting me with being the first one to go to for advice. Now this behaviour is affecting someone I love deeply and I'm not allowing it to happen anymore. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16ysaul/update_aita_for_refusing_my_sisters_offer_to_pay/) - **October 3, 2023** Hi all, quick update but a fair bit has happened in the last 24 hours (and it isn't good). First of all, thank you to everyone for your advice, I took it on board. Especially the stuff about setting our boundaries now and not taking anymore manipulation. There was some people questioning the need for a reveal scan, we just thought it would be nice for our first child. I understand that's not for everyone's liking but that's what we want to do. Anyway, my sister called me on Sunday, I explained that my girlfriend should be allowed to have whomever she wants there. She reiterated the awkwardness of it at the scan, so I suggested a coffee meet up which she said she'd chat to my mum about. My mum turned it down and said it was "too formal". In her words, "I'm sure I'll meet them someday". She suggested we have two separate scans for each of the family, I turned this down because I thought it was gross. My girlfriend is not a test subject for other people's enjoyment. Then I said we'll book our own and invite who we want or have it just us. She then turned passive aggressive and said "fine, you do what you want, I've been nothing but supportive and my girlfriend is gonna want her family there for everything". I said this isn't true, she said she wants both families involved. Knowing that they'd continue to try and make offers for the scan, I sent them a long message to both of them in a group chat. I've added the screenshots on the insane siblings subreddit which you can see on my profile. And as you can see in the reply from my sister, she attempted to gaslight me into feeling bad. After she said we part ways, I blocked her on everything. I'm not having that kind of influence in my life and certainly not subjecting my girlfriend to it. Especially if they're not going to respect our boundaries. My mum called me a short time after and told me my message was condescending, cold and formal and didn't understand why I was "overreacting about the scan". Told me to not interrupt. Even a message I sent to her which was among the same lines as the one in the screenshot. I told her it's not just about the scan, it's about her overinvolvement in general. Clearly my sister left details out because she didn't know about my sister wanting to look after the baby every weekend and being insecure about the support from my girlfriend's family. She said we should all meet up to chat. I'm not having them bully me though, if I'm there to chat, I'm having someone in my corner. She said she didn't want us arguing but I said the ball is in my sister's court. My mum is attempting to play peacekeeper and has sided with my sister's erratic behaviour so neither of them I really trust. As for the scan, my girlfriend and I have booked our own scan and we're having a reveal party next weekend where everyone is welcome. Although right now, I'm not inviting my mum and sister. I've explained the situation to my dad and he's disgusted at them. My sister and I have different dads. EDIT: Sorry I forgot to add, you're right that I should not have apologised to my mum for how I broke the news to her. She often comments on how my dad doesn't come down to see me and it's mostly me going up there. My dad and I do talk and when I go up there, he often wants to pay for everything no questions asked (I don't take this for granted of course, I get rounds of beer in to or chip in for the takeaway). Either way, I'm happy with the relationship my dad and I have. We've had issues in the past, but we move forward. Also reuploaded a screenshotted text message reply from my sister to my profile since it keeps getting taken down on the sub for spam. Although Reddit kept blanking the images, so I've added an imgur link in them. **ADDITIONAL INFORMATION** **Editor’s Note: OOP has uploaded a link on his page to a text message conversation with his mother and sister. I have transcribed the message here** **OOP:** Hi both, just wanted to update you on the scan. We've booked one ourselves. And who goes depends on who [redacted] wants to come (this isn't something [redacted] has said, this is something l've told [redacted], as she's the one carrying the baby, and she wants support from both families, but arguments about something we should be in charge of have made it difficult). It's our time and our family we're starting, we should be the ones making decisions. Trying to convince us to change our minds after we turned down the extra conditions (without any compromise over meeting beforehand) hasn't been appreciated, it's overstepping if I'm honest. We haven't talked much, mum, but from what's been discussed, I assume you both share the same viewpoint. Any future events such as the shower, events will be one event for each where close friends and family can come. You're still welcome to come (including the reveal we have after the scan next weekend). We're not doing two separate events for each family, not only is it more money but more time spent setting up multiple events/attending them, and I see no reason why either family has to be excluded from events that and I are involve the family , [redacted] and I are creating. [Redacted] you may not spend time with [redacted] family but that's for different reasons. You don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. I get on fine with [Redacted] family (I may fall out with one or two people, who knows?) and mum gets on fine with [redacted] family. Other members of the family also have no issue being in their company. This is more of a personal issue than it is an unwritten rule. And if you don't want to go to these events because [redacted] family might be there, then don't. Shame to not see you there. But these events are for our child, not to appease everyone else. You don't have to talk to her family, just be there for us and respect what we want to do. These issues of shutting out her family is creating concern for what happens when the baby arrives. You've said before about how we'll get better support from my family than hers. lt's not a contest of who can provide the best support. The best support the child can get is from us, the parents. I'm not deciding which family is the best, I respect and love each person individually. And [redacted] would like support from her family too. It feels like unfair judgement is being placed on them without actually knowing them. And [redacted] , please do not text about this stuff, or ring [redacted] talk to me about this. This is creating stress that she doesn't need being pregnant and that isn't good for the baby. She was in tears when she read your message as we just want this pregnancy to go smoothly. lf we are being told what we should be doing in regards to our own baby, then that's not influence we want to have. We appreciate support but we don't want over involvement in this. This is what we want and what makes us happy, please respect that **OOP's SISTER:** Well [redacted] , what a stab in the gut. I can't breathe with how much l'm crying. So so cold. You have interpreted so many things incorrectly but there you go. I hope everything works out for you. I will always love you but I think this is where we part ways XX &nbsp; [**Update #2**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Primary_Tumbleweed89/comments/172ls2p/a_few_more_updates/) - **October 7, 2023** Since my last update, both my mum and sister have contacted me via text. I borrowed £50 from my sister to help fix my car. My girlfriend and I spent a lot of time moving and my tire blew. Good timing. I said I'd pay her back on payday. Which was Thursday. Her text asked me for the money back and also said "I sent that money and I have kids to feed". Basically trying to make me out to be a thief. I suspected it was to try and get a reaction out of me but I silently paid her back the money and left it at that. I want my distance from her but I'm not a thief. Then she texted my girlfriend (even though in my long message I added on imgur to both of them, I explicitly told them not to message her in regards to this stuff). The message said she hopes the scan went well (she thinks it was this weekend for some reason, even though she was originally going to book it for the 15th and we have it booked for the 15th). She also told her not to be upset about any of this and wants us both to be happy. I suspect that she's fishing for information and it's clear she cares more about the baby than our own relationship. My girlfriend hasn't responded. My nan texted me earlier in the week. Because of the issues with reddit uploading my images, I'll post the contents of the chat here: "I hardly ever involve myself ..but I love you all and want to put it right ..Before (sister) knew all the people in School ..I went to every meeting with her ...she feels socially shy meeting new people ..so like mum I was her comfort blanket ..I.ve now stepped back ..please please mend this rift ...I think she realises that. you need space ...she.s breaking her heart...hold out uour hand .. her intentions were good ..you made your point .but she adores you and thinks a lot of my girlfriend...my love to you both always please mend this rift for me xxxxxx .." I left it a day but I replied back that it's not my mend to rift, I don't want any breakups in the family but I want my space. They've hurt me and controlled me too many times and I'm not putting up with it anymore. My nan replied saying she understands and won't take sides. My mum messaged me yesterday morning saying she hopes I'm okay and also thinking the scan was this weekend, saying she's away so wouldn't be able to make it (she wanted to come but is now away lol). She wanted to catch up in the week and talk. Nothing more than that, but it doesn't look like either of them have any remorse for the way they've behaved. &nbsp; **DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED** **SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED** &nbsp; **Editor's Note: OOP has linked his new screenshot post of a text message from his sister to his father** [**Update #3**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Primary_Tumbleweed89) - **October 15, 2023** Hia [redacted] I just wanted to message you to outline a few concerns related to [redacted] at present as I am aware that he has been seeking your guidance. I am appealing to you because I am deeply worried about his perception on what has occurred over the last few weeks. Before this, mum, my husband and I have been a huge support for [redacted[ who I’m sure you are aware is undergoing an autism assessment at present (I think we’ve all always known that he is on the spectrum). He has extremely rigid thoughts and needs a great deal of support with daily live. He struggles with his executive functioning which is why we have had to support him so much. Now because he has read this situation incorrectly, which is not uncommon for autistic people, he now has no support in wales apart from a family who are relatively new to him. I don’t know how much you know but my husband I recently helped him move house and he really was living in squalor. It took me the entire day to clean. [Redacted] helped him pack (on the day of moving!!) and did a few runs to his new house. My point is that [redacted] really needs us and I feel deeply troubled that he has deleted and blocked me on Facebook (this is not the [redacted] I know) and I honestly haven’t done anything to deserve it. This all started over mum and I wanting to pay for an additional scan so we could have some part in the pregnancy- it was with the best of intentions. I feel that [redacted] has misconstrued a lot of communication (again common for people with asd) and as a result has gone back to the past. I have completely different memories to what he has said so I’m slightly confused about that. We all need to sit down and chat so everything can be straightened out and we can support him again. All I care about his well-being (even though I do feel heartbroken by some of his comments). I’m worrying about his so much and would appreciate it if you could help him see that this is something that can be easily sorted. Mum has been bloody good to him over the years and doesn’t deserve the blackout tactics. She has been a huge support to him emotionally and financially and has been there for him 24/7 (as have I). I hope you can read that I am appealing to you with nothing but love and compassion to my only sibling who I’ve been a second mother to over the years. I adore him but his recent perception of reality is so concerning. **OP's message under the text message screenshot** I've put the message here but if it can't be seen here, I'll upload it on Imgur and link it in the comments. But yeah, blaming my behaviour on autism which I haven't even been diagnosed for, and even if I was, it doesn't cloud my judgement. It's denying that I have a mind of my own. My dad didn't respond. He said they've put me in a box for years and that I'm nearly 30, so her writing a book report is silly. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for refusing my sisters offer to pay for the gender reveal scan?

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/177z2r7/aita_for_refusing_my_sisters_offer_to_pay_for_the/

17807vs

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ThrowRA12391813](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA12391813/). (He also posted using another account, but that was deleted) He posted in r/relationship_advice **Mood Spoiler:** >!honestly pretty wholesome!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16rr1ym/i_25m_have_been_on_a_few_dates_with_a_trans/)**: September 25, 2023** We met on Hinge and have been on 4 dates so far. They've all went really well and for the next date she suggested dinner and a movie at my house. Seeing as sex is now a possibility, I feel like I need to know whether or not she has had bottom surgery. Having sex with someone who has a penis is a definite hard boundary for me, and I think it would be better to ask her now than to risk the chance of having to turn her down at my house. So essentially I am looking for advice on the best way to ask her what her situation is downstairs without upsetting her. TLDR: Been dating a trans person and sex is now looking likely. I still don't know if she has had bottom surgery and would like to ask her before we actually start having sex **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1724eoy/update_i_25m_have_been_on_a_few_dates_with_a/)**: October 7, 2023 (12 days later)** I couldn't get the original throwaway account to work again so I had to make a new account. Hello again everyone, I originally posted asking for advice a while ago and was honestly pretty shocked with the amount of replies I got. Apart from a few crazies on either side, the vast majority of the replies were helpful as well. Given the number of replies originally I thought people might be interested in an update post so here it is. There were a few questions that kept being asked so here are my answers: 1 - If she doesn't have bottom surgery why don't you just do anal? I'm not into anal so I wouldn't be interested in that with a trans women or a cis woman 2 - Why are you leading her on by going on dates with her before asking about her genitals if that is a hard boundary for you? I think its rude to ask someone about their genitals before/on the first couple of dates lol 3 - Why is a penis a dealbreaker for you? This seemed to cause some people a lot of offence and I got some very angry comments and messages about my "genital preferences" being transphobic and wrong (which seemed to be a very fringe opinion). I can't tell you the specific reason I'm not attracted to penises, presumably the reason that most other guys who consider themselves straight aren't attracted to other penises? 4 - Why are you going on dates with trans women if having a penis is a hard boundary for you? I was originally under the impression that most trans women would have bottom surgery so I didn't think this would be a big problem. I've since learned that most trans women don't actually get bottom surgery but even so I think its still worth taking the time to go on dates with someone and find out because there are also a hundred reasons why I might decide to not date a cis woman after the 4th date. Ok, so as I mentioned above, the main thing I learned from my original post is that the most trans people will never get bottom surgery. I had been under the impression that basically all trans people will have bottom surgery which was obviously not true. Knowing this, I decided that I definitely wanted to ask her in advance to prevent any embarrassing moments at my house. I also didn't want to ask her in a public setting in case the question upset her so I thought the best method would be to text her. Shoutout to [/u/FaeryRing](https://www.reddit.com/u/FaeryRing/) who wrote an amazing message which I ended up using: "Hey I've been really enjoying our dates so far a lot. I've lately been thinking about it and thought I should let you know that I do have some boundaries around sex relating to genitalia. I feel like we should discuss this before we go any further, to make sure we're not sexually incompatible on a fundamental level." As most people predicted, she wasn't offended and she had actually been planning on telling me the next time we met. The upshot is that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet but she is planning to have the operation and is actually on the waiting list. We live in the UK so the procedure is free, however she told me that she has been on the waiting list for 3 years and is expecting another year wait before she can get the procedure done. She also told me that if we wanted to continue dating, she would be fine with not doing any sexual stuff that involved anything below her waist until she had fully transitioned. I told her that's absolutely fine with me and she came around to my house for dinner and a movie like we had planned. I'm not going to go into details but I will say we did end up fooling around a little and it was honestly amazing. She ended up staying the night at my house and I asked her the next morning if she wanted to be official/exclusive with me and she said yes :) . So she's now my girlfriend and everything is going great. Yesterday we met up together with a few of my friends and they all really like her so I'm very optimistic that it's going to work out between us. TLDR; I asked her about bottom surgery and she told me that she is on the waiting list for the procedure with hopefully a year left. We're now officially dating and everything is looking great ***Relevant Comments (from this post a copy of it on a different sub)*** *Good for you, but it will probably take longer than a year:* "As I understand it, she's already gone through the all the preliminary appointments and has been cleared for the surgery so now she's just waiting for the actual operation." *OOP responds to some questions:* >If you to continue dating and eventually you wanna have children knowing she can’t are you gonna be OK with that? Definitely don't want kids so thats fine >Do you feel comfortable letting her meet your parents? Yep >in the short term, you’re waiting for her to have major life-changing surgery so she’s adequate enough for you to touch below the waist, but in the long-term, do you actually want this? "Adequate enough" is a gross way to put it. I don't want to sexually interact with a penis and she doesn't want to have a penis at all, so sounds great to me. You're seem to be implying that I'm somehow forcing her to have this operation and then if we break up later she'll for some reason want a penis again. She signed up for the operation 3 years before we even met, she wants the operation done. Not sure why you're taking all the agency away from her? >why are you dating this girl and not a girl who has the parts you actually want? I'm dating her because I like her lol. *Hopefully you won't just dismiss alternative opinions as 'crazies'. Also is it because you don't want to seem gay?* "When I was referring to the "crazies" I was referencing comments such as the one accusing me of being an incel and suggesting my girlfriend wasn't safe at my house because I was going to attack her or something... It's nothing to do with "seeming gay", I am just not attracted to penises, no matter who they are attached to. I would never ask anyone to "compromise" by doing something sexually that they didn't 100% want to do of their own volition, and I wouldn't expect anyone to ask that of me either. If you want to consider my not being attracted to penises a "subconscious bias" that's fine and that's your opinion. I would wonder though if you would consider gay man with no attraction to vaginas as someone is suffering from a subconscious bias?" *Someone cautions him on his use of "fully transitioned," especially as it can sound like those without bottom surgery are not fully transitioned:* "That's a fair point. I suppose I used the phrase "fully transitioned" because in all the other aspects (voice, hair etc..) she is already indistinguishable from a cis woman, at least as far as I'm concerned. She mentioned she started on hormones as early as she possibly could which I assume is why. And thank you :)"

I [25M] have been on a few dates with a trans person [25MTF]. Is there any acceptable way to ask if they have had bottom surgery or not?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17807vs/i_25m_have_been_on_a_few_dates_with_a_trans/

1784pug

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/BlindDice352 **Boyfriend of 10ys broke up with me over a game** **Originally posted to** r/rpghorrorstories **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Controlling behavior!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/s/a8cDJUXLe6)  **Oct 21, 2022** (First off I apologize for my bad spelling and Mack of formatting as I’m on mobile) Ok here it goes.. I was nervous about posting this but screw it. So this isn’t totally DND related but I use dice in my Conan server so yea. Anyway, I run a Conan RP server for my friends and I, and it’s been going pretty well so far. For a long time every time I’ve tried to run an RP server it has always gone wrong in some way somehow someone has had an issue. This time though, things are different, this time everyone has been having a good time and getting along, aaaand here’s how it started. So back when we were still dating (AKA..a few weeks ago) I would tell my boyfriend everything, we had lots in common and generally enjoyed each other’s company with or without the rest of the friend group as a couple should. For some context, it was a long distance relationship and I know what your going to say.. “those kinds of relationships never work out” well we made it work, we made it work for a long time in-fact for about 10yrs almost. You see I’m disabled, so the fact that a guy could love someone like me knowing all the bs I’ve had to deal with and still deal with was a godsend, we met through a video game , cringe I know, but it’s not like I can just go out and meet people. Anyways I would tell him everything and so would he, we even fell asleep in party chats a few times. Fast forward to a few weeks ago and I started telling him about my RP server, I figured since he liked hearing about my DND sessions that this would be no different boy was I wrong. So I start telling him about the stuff that had been going on in game At first he wasn’t interested in joining my RP server even thought another one of our friends wanted him to. The way I run the server is that people would be given the password once they make a character sheet and that’s where this becomes a horror story. Remember how I said he wasn’t interested in joining? Well every so often my friend would ask if my boyfriend was going to join, I would say “no probably not” until one evening when he decided that yes, he was going to join, I got exited n started yelling him more about what’s been happening in game. I told him about peoples characters and stuff like that , but then it occurred to me, and I asked “oh wait..do you have the DLC map?” I should have told him before hand as it likely would had saved me some trouble but it completely slipped my mind since we tend to game share, however had I known what trouble this would cause I would had done this ga different if I could’ve. He then proceeded to get upset at me saying he didn’t have the DLC and that he didn’t care for it and thought we were playing on the original map. He also said that I “wasted his time” because he apparently spent half a day working on his character sheet but it was “pointless now” even though ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS GET IT OFF ME, but no he threw a tantrum saying that “you never told me anything before hand just told me to join” news flash nobody was really told anything cuz it’s all self explanatory on the discord so all he had to do was make his character. It also didn’t help that I told him that my CHARACTER had a child with a friends character, I asked him if he had a problem with it and he said “no” and asked how, it was pretty much the characters got drunk and practiced “ diplomacy“ but it wasn’t ERP or anything like that just fade to black and a bad dice roll. Now me, my boyfriend and this friend in game all know each other and he’s married so I wasn’t doing this to cheat on my boyfriend, we just thought of it as stupid fun, but my boyfriend however did not. This incident has thought me to never take what someone says at face value ever again, because even though he said it didn’t bother him, it actually DID bother him when we talked days later. By that time though he had already thrown in the towel that was our relationship, it was devastating and had me in tears for many nights after. When we did talk it out however and I found out his issues I guess I can understand from his point of view, but if he had just told me it bothers him I could had changed things. I asked him “what now?” Because we do still care for each other and he said “it’s your choice” (Clearly it’s not because you already made your choice by breaking up with me instead of talking it out but ok) I told him I didn’t want it to be “my choice” I wanted the feeling to be Mutual and said maybe it’s best if we go on our own “separate arcs” so to speak. For some extra context, remember how I said we were together 10yrs? In this time frame we haas already broke up three times before this, No we hadn’t seen each other in person face to face witch should have been a red flag now thinking about it I told him that the third time was his last chance and he’s done well up until this point witch is disappointing and sad. TLDR: boyfriend breaks off a 10yr relationship because he couldn’t handle my character having a child with another character that isn’t his. Thanks for reading this post sorry it was so long [Update](https://reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/s/WKUs1CSoPT)  **Nov 8, 2022** So I thought I would give a small update on my last post. I did unfortunately hang out with my now EX boyfriend in a party chat alone and fell asleep talking to him, when I woke up though I was sad because I felt like I had slept in a bed that I didn’t belong in anymore. (Temporary laps of judgment on my part) but that solidified how I felt about him now I laid there and thought “I don’t want this..I don’t want to feel like this anymore” and though I still cry at night sometimes.. for the most part I’m ok and I’m trying to move on. My ex however has tried some interesting bs though, we would be playing a game and I’d call out to him because he was being stupid or not paying attention and he would reply with “Babe!” To witch I replied with “uh no” once he even asked “how long am I on the couch for?” And I said “you broke up with me.. there is no couch” So yea I’m not leaving him get to me, I can deal with him him in parties because he’s still part of the friend group but I’ve begun to tune him out when he acts flirty, I’m moving on it’s going to be difficult but I can do this. Ps. Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts on my situation it’s helpful more than you know **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Boyfriend of 10ys broke up with me over a game

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1784pug/boyfriend_of_10ys_broke_up_with_me_over_a_game/

1786g5b

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ultimaticity **in** r/offmychest **trigger warnings:** >!emotional abuse!< **mood spoilers:** >!frustration, hopeful?!< **Original** posted [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13g6j7w/my_boyfriend_ate_all_of_the_brownies_i_made_and_i/). **My boyfriend ate all of the brownies I made, and I cried about it**.- May 6, 2023 ([original post now deleted by user](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1397419/my_boyfriend_ate_all_of_the_brownies_i_made_and_i/)) This is so stupid. So, the other day, I made these AMAZING Heath bar and pretzel brownies. My boyfriend and I tried them almost straight out of the oven. Literal heaven. I was leaving to go back to my apartment so I could be in a reasonable distance to my work the next day and asked him to leave a few for me for when I came back for the weekend. He said okay. I was salivating thinking about having my brownies today at work. But then, I walk into his place: brownie pan is clean and in the drying rack. I feel dumb typing this out, but reader, I started tearing up. It’s just like, I asked him to do one thing for me and he couldn’t do it. Just like when I asked him to buy me flowers a few months ago, and he promised he would (he hasn’t. I buy him flowers for his vase whenever the last bunch dies). Like when I asked him to plan a date (I plan all of our dates). Like when I ask him to come over to my place instead of me making the drive all the time (there’s always some excuse). Again, I feel dumb writing all this and I can’t believe BROWNIES are why I’m so sad/pissed right now. It’s such a small, stupid thing! But it’s just another brick built on top of the other small things. **My boyfriend ate all of the brownies I made, and I cried about it**.- May 6, 2023 ([update deleted by user](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13a08vn/update_my_boyfriend_ate_all_of_the_brownies_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)) First of all, wow. I did not expect my first post to get so much traction and to receive so much love from internet strangers! I thought that maybe two people would read it, as I just needed to get my little rant out of my head and into words. I did have a conversation with my boyfriend when he got off work. We’ve had one-off discussions about the subject of me not feeling appreciated/what I do not being reciprocated/me feeling like I’m pulling the weight before. But this was the first sit-down, long discussion we’ve had. I told him that it wasn’t the brownies. It was just another instance in a pattern of him being inconsiderate and not fulfilling yet another small request that would make me happy, while I continuously go out on a limb for him and assess his needs ahead of time. That I love him, but I was starting to dislike—and possibly even resent—him for not putting my wants and needs first, ever. I said that I don’t expect him to read my mind, and that’s why I lay out what I want and my expectations clearly, and because he can’t follow through when I make a direct ask, it makes me feel uncertain about things. He was quiet for a bit. Then, he admitted that he hadn’t realized it, but that he now knows he’s been taking me for granted for a while. He’s promised to put in the effort I deserve and that he understands that the little things will turn into big things. Especially as we move toward living together, he recognizes that a lack of appreciation won’t fly. That’s the short version, but a lot of tears were involved on both sides. Now, we’ll see what happens. I do know my worth and know that if he falls into the same pattern, I’ll be prepared to leave and find what I deserve. Thank you to all the kind people who reached out and commented. 🫶 BONUS: BROWNIE RECIPE! I adapted Joshua Weissman’s fudgey compost brownie recipe! See below: 3/4 cup (170g) butter, melted; 1 cups (223g) sugar; 2 eggs (room temp!); 1 tablespoon (10g)vanilla extract; 3/4 cup (73g) flour; 1/2 teaspoon (4g) salt; 3/4 cup (80g) cocoa powder; 1.5 tsp instant espresso (you can melt down instant coffee crystals in a TINY bit of water if you don’t have espresso!); 2 oz (56g) dark chocolate chopped; Heath bar toffee bits; Pretzels, crumbled; Roughly chopped dark chocolate. Mix the wet ingredients together in one bowl, and the dry in another. Slowly fold in the dry mixture into the wet mixture. Once combined, put as much of the yummy extras (in this case, Heath bits and pretzels) in the batter as you want (without overwhelming it!). Pour into 8x8 pan, smooth out, then put more of the extras, alongside the roughly chopped chocolate, on top. Bake at 350 for 30-35 mins. These are probably some of the best brownies I’ve ever had (but now that I’m announcing that to the internet, I hope I don’t get roasted lol). Thanks again, all :) **Can’t help but blame myself**. September 22nd, 2023 **Originally to** r/BreakUps **Original post:** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/16pn58n/cant_help_but_blame_myself/) My ex-boyfriend yelled at me and called me stupid once, and got angry with me almost every time I shared my feelings/issues/insecurities, raised his voice once in front of his friends. And yet, I can’t help but think that if I wasn’t so anxious, if I didn’t speak every intrusive thought that came to mind, I wouldn’t have pushed him to his limits. We would still be together. I was doing the work to get better with my anxiety, going to therapy every week, he supported me. He begged me not to leave him when he called me the r-word and got mad when I told him I might need to think about things. Now I’m the one who’s heartbroken, because I would’ve never pulled the trigger. I loved him too hard to break up with him. I saw his potential. He didn’t see it in me anymore. **Questioning if my (24F) ex-boyfriend (26M) ever respected me. How do I love myself again?** \- September 23rd, 2023 **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Original post:** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16q8a8c/questioning_if_my_24f_exboyfriend_26m_ever/) My ex (26M) broke up with me (24F) Monday evening after a little over a year. It’s been hell since then, as this was the man I planned on settling down with and marrying. But he didn’t see himself marrying me anymore. He cited that the relationship brought out the worst side of him (anger), and that he wasn’t patient enough to deal with my anxiety. But he still loves me and will miss me loving him “so hard.” I go from sad to pissed because I did love him so hard. I accepted him yelling at me, calling me the c-word and r-word, always pursued the relationship on his terms. We did whatever he wanted all the time. It’s like I was an extension of him. And one of our last fights he yelled at me to shut the fuck in front of his friends. Then got upset when I said I needed to think about things. Of course I’m not completely blameless. I let my anxiety spiral out of control, but I am actively working on it through therapy. When he didn’t act exactly the way I wanted, I got frustrated. I was negative a lot. But I can’t tell how much of that was my baseline anxiety and how much was caused by his lack of communication, lack of affection, etc. I told him so many times that I felt like he didn’t respect me. Asked him if he would yell at our kids like he did at me. I had my doubts, but I stuck with him through thick and thin and he said during the breakup that I loved him unconditionally. Apparently, he couldn’t do the same for me. I’m still blaming myself, but somewhere deep down, I know that I didn’t deserve his treatment. How do I love myself enough to never accept this behavior again? How can I stop putting him on a pedestal? How can I stop grieving this future I had longed for? TLDR; Trying to get over my role in my breakup while also realizing it was for the best, ultimately. How do I move on with more love for myself? **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My boyfriend ate all of the brownies I made, and I cried about it

NEW UPDATE

attachedtothreads

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1786g5b/my_boyfriend_ate_all_of_the_brownies_i_made_and_i/

1786j8h

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA434  **My (33F) Fiancè (30M) is being cold towards me after he found out about my past** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Thanks to u/Acrobatic-Narwhal-62 for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Revenge porn, emotional abuse!< [Original Post - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u1xehe/my_33f_fianc%C3%A8_30m_is_being_cold_towards_me_after/)  **Apr 12, 2022** I met my Fiancè Dan 4 years ago when I moved to a new city for work. I quite literally ran into him as he was getting coffee and ruined his shirt and jacket. I, mortified, offered to pay for the dry cleaning costs and gave him my number to contact me with the  bill. About a week later he sent me a message really politely asking if this was the lady who had 'dyed his shirt mocha' and we got to texting about how much the bill was and how he'd wanted to be paid back for it. I'll preface this by saying when I ran into him he was extremely calm about what had happened and laughed and said not to worry about it but he'll definitely take my number just incase he wanted to spring for the 1-day return. He was so charming about the whole situation that I can't remember if I was red from embarrassment of the situation or of how he was so smooth with talking to me. I don't know why but it was easy to talk to him. After a few days he asked me out to get food and I agreed. I don't know if that was a date but we both got to know each other and I ended up getting a huge crush on him and wanted to spend more time with him. After our third time eating together he said 'I really like spending time with you, would you like to go on a date this weekend? I nearly jumped into his arms I replied 'I was waiting for you to ask and I could feel the biggest smile on my face. 2 months into dating I realised we hadn't kissed properly once, he pecked me on the cheek a few times and kissed my forehead but he had never kissed me on the lips. I brought this up and he told me he had never kissed a girl before and that he never had a 'real girlfriend' and the last one he had was when he was 14 and he said it didn't really count. I asked about her and he told me she moved because of her Dads job and that he still keeps in touch. I asked him why he never had a girlfriend and that I was surprised about him and never would've expected this. He told me that he asked a girl out when he was 16 and she made fun of him to her friends and it really messed with his self confidence and how he viewed himself. During university he tried asking girls out and tried talking to them but nothing ever really came of it. He tried online dating, he got matches, but they either ghosted or never started talking. When he turned 24 he basically said fuck it and he was gonna do whatever he wanted and put getting a relationship on the backburner. I, on the other hand, have had a fair amount of partners I wanted to communicate this to him so after we went out I sat down with him and told him about me and my history with relationships. He was initially taken back a bit and then asked if I was serious about him. I told him 'Of course I am why would I not be?' He said that this might cause some insecurities in himself and said he would talk to his closer friends about this (leaving out my history) and we were able to move forward. After a year of us dating Dan asked if we could 'explore' in the bedroom and I asked what he meant by that. He asked if we could be more adventurous and add things to our sex life like; dirty talk, more oral on my part (most of the time when we have sex he goes down on me), potentially anal and that he wanted to record us one time to see what it was like. I lied and said I had no interest in exploring our sex lives and I was happy with how it was (I was very happy with how it was). He then asked if I had done any of these things with someone else I again lied and said no. He then hugged me and said 'Ok I understand, I love you'. The truth is that I had done all of these with my ex Steven. Steven and I were together until 6 months before I met Dan I had found out he had been cheating on me with multiple women. Steven himself wasn't abusive but he was a stereotypical 'fuckboy'. He had no real direction in life, was impulsive, lacked the ability to think for the future and was immature. But for some reason he was addicting, every time he'd message me I'd respond straight away and when he asked to do these things and more I did so willingly. Last Friday I got a message from my friend Monica saying she was having a house party to celebrate her and her husband buying their first home together and invited me and Dan. Dan has met all of my friends and they all adore him, they always say how lucky I am to have him as my boyfriend and now Fiancè and I always agree with them. At this party I saw Steven I asked Monica why he was here and she said that 'We're all friends here, it's not like anything is going to happen you've met Steven's new girlfriend.' Dan hadn't met Steven before but I had talked about him about him in passing. (Not talking about him fully just that my ex is Steve and were in the same friend circle but were not really close.) When we got to Monica's we had the tour of the house and then ended up in the kitchen talking with everyone. Monica's husband, Jordan, recently got a promotion and the guys were talking about their work and I could see Steven look uncomfortable. He has been in the same job for nearly a decade and hasn't been able to transfer or train for another position. After a while the guys went into Jordan's den to play some pool and Steven came back and started to talk to me. He asked what job Dan had and how we met. We talked for a bit and caught up with each other and then Dan came up and asked if I was ready to go. After saying goodbye I saw Dan and Steven talking and they ended up shaking hands and we left. On Saturday Dan came into the room and asked if I had said anything to Steven about me or our relationship. I said that I didn't then he said well why would he send me this. It was a video of me performing oral on Steve very enthusiastically and a few other videos of me doing sexual acts with him. I tried to talk to him and he said that he doesn't want to talk to me right now and he will talk to me when he's ready. He then said I should file a police report against Steven for sharing videos against my will. Since then I've tried to cuddle him and he's shrugged me off.  I tried to talk to him again yesterday and he asked again if I had filed a report I told him I didn't want to and that I wanted to talk about it and he said he wasn't ready yet. I have messaged Steven and my close friends and they've all kicked him out of the group and have contacted his girlfriend about what he has done. He has not tried to contact me or anyone else as far as I know. I am not interested in filing a report on Steven. I don't know how to bring this up to my Fiancè I am not ashamed of my past but I am embarrassed that he found out this way. TL,DR: We went to one of my close friends house party and my Fiancè met my ex. My ex then sent him videos of us doing things that I have not done with my Fiancè after I had told him I had no interest in such acts. My Fiancè has since, been cold towards me by being evasive towards any physical non sexual and sexual intimacy and has been distant when taking to me. I need advice on how to help us move past this. [Update - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u3ixo1/update_my_33f_fianc%C3%A8_30m_is_being_cold_towards_me/)  **Apr 14, 2022** I asked Dan to sit down with me to talk about what happened. I told him that I wanted him to feel safe enough to talk about how he was feeling about what had happened and that I wanted to explain the relationship I had with Steven. I asked why he didn’t want to talk sooner and he said that he was thinking things over and wanted to beat the shit out of Steven and his friends talked him down and basically said to let it go and focus on filing a report to ensure there was legal repercussions. I started by saying how much I loved him and our relationship and how I don’t think him shutting me out is helping either of us. I said I was wrong to lie about my past and that I should have offered that information when he asked with a explanation as to why I didn’t want to do such acts with him. He then asked why I didn’t just tell him this when he asked to explore more in the bedroom. I replied that ‘ I thought it would be better, given your insecurities about my experience and your past. I feel like it would’ve caused resentment on your part because I had done these things before but not with you. You have to understand I did these things when I was younger and wanted validation.’ He said he would’ve understood that and if I didn’t enjoy it I should’ve just said so. I said it wouldn’t have ended like that and brought up what happened when we first got together and I told him about my dating history. He then replied with ‘ I took 2 days to talk to my close friends about the relationship and it wasn’t the fact you had past partners which caused an issue, its normal for people to have had exes I was the outlier for being a virgin. My insecurity came from the fact you said for the past 8 months you were only looking for casual relationships and I didn’t want that and I wanted an actual relationship. The fact you lied about what you were like in bed makes me feel like shit it also makes me question how honest you were with me about other things in the realtionship.’ I hugged him and told him I was willing to explore with him and that I realise how much pain I had caused him and he said he didn’t want to ‘ How it is now us exploring isn’t out of a genuine desire from you its the fact you got caught out in a lie and are trying to save face.’ I started to crying and said how sorry I was to fuck all of this up and that I’d be happy to go down on him more and that I do find him attractive. I went on to say that when he asked for exploration I was taken back a bit. I saw our love as wholesome and pure and that by adding these types of sex acts I thought he’d think less of me. He held me tighter and said ‘ Why would I do that, do you know how happy I would’ve been if I had you doing the stuff with me?’ I asked him to go to couples counselling with me and that I’d pay it. He agreed under one condition, that I give back his ring and we were no longer engaged. I don’t think Ive ever felt so hurt. He said he still loves me but this hiccup has seriously shaken his trust in me and that he thinks that us being engaged adds a level of pressure to the both of us and going back to just boyfriend/girlfriend will help alleviate some of the pressure from outside and allow us to focus on healing rather than dealing with everyone asking us when the wedding is and how married life is going to be like. I told my parents that were no longer engaged and said that were hit a few road-bumps and want to focus on us. They said they were sorry to hear about my relationship troubles and that they are always there for both of us and are happy to talk to us if anything gets heated. They also said they’ve been together and happy for 23 years so they might know a thing or two. I will be going to the police station tomorrow with Dan and we will be filling a report against Steven for revenge porn. Dan has a few friends in Law and one of them (who is a woman) has significant exprience in sexual assault and has dealt with these situations before. She is a close friend of Dan and I’ve been able to trust her with sensitive information before so I feel safe trusting her with this information. If she cannot represent me she said she would put me in contact with a few of her colleagues to make sure Steven gets what he deserves. I’m going to start individual counselling to understand why I did those acts with Steven and why I froze up and lied when Dan asked me to do the same. I truly love him and want to be able to satisfy him and live out both of our fantasies. I asked him again if he was sure on not doing those things right now and he said if he went through with it he’d feel like another Steven and once I’m ready he’d love to explore with me. I messaged Monica and asked why Steven was invited to the party and she said that ever since I broke up with him she’s invited both to everything and that it hasn’t been an issue before. She then asked if Steven had tried to contact me and that he’s been dumped by his girlfriend and she ended up breaking a bunch of his stuff in the argument they had. She apologised about all this and she thought everyone got along well at the party and didn’t know what set Steven off and that I don’t have to worry about him being around anymore. I asked Dan what he and Steve were talking about and he said they were talking about work. Dan works in Fintech and makes good money and Steven had an interest in finance and they were talking about the qualifications Steven would need to get a job in the field. Dan offered his number and said he could help him with some of the qualifications and get him connected with a few people. This infuriated me even more, Dan isn’t a bad person and I knew he would never do anything to belittle or hurt anyone. The fact Steven did this after Dan offered to help him has confirmed that he really is a piece of shit and he has (hopefully) whats coming to him with the lawsuit. Its going to be a long road but Dan and I have our first counselling session on Monday and I hope we are able to move past this and get married some day. TL,DR; Talked with my Fiancé and went over what happened and why I lied to him. He asked for the ring back and to go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend. We will be starting couples counselling on Monday and I will be filling a police report on Steven tomorrow. I will be going to individual counselling and being more communicative and open with my boyfriend. [Update 2](https://reddit.com/u/ThrowRA434/s/53W2dvBpTf)  **Sept 23, 2022** Steven had his initial court hearing today and as far as I know he will be taking a guilty deal. This won't cause him to go to jail but according to my lawyer he will placed on the sex offenders registry for a year. Things are a but slower with Dan but we are both still going to counselling together and I am still going to an individual counsellor. [Update 3 - My (33F) boyfriend (31M) wants an open relationship I am currently on the fence.](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/K0gMqppqrs)  **Oct 6, 2022** Since my last post I have been attending individual counselling and couples counselling with my boyfriend Dan. Counselling has made me realise that my past behaviour towards sex and intimacy was not healthy and I tied a portion of my self worth to sex and how my partner viewed me in a sexual light. Through working with my counsellor I have now been able to understand that I am able to say no and set firm boundaries and in doing so I am not showing people different levels of love but that I have grown as a person and now have new values and goals. Since counselling Dan and I have been able to go back to some level of normalcy in our relationship. Our sex life has been a lot better too, we are able to communicate what we want a lot more effectively and I feel closer now to Dan than I have before. Dan asked about doing more adventurous things in the bedroom and we had a long conversation about my boundaries and I have made it clear that I don’t want to do those acts . He was very understanding and we left the conversation there. On Monday he asked if we could sit down and talk. I thought the worst that he was going to break up with me but instead he asked if I would consider an open relationship. I initially was very angry and asked if he was cheating on me or was planning to sleep with someone. He handed me his phone and said I knew his password to everything so I can check any time I want. I asked him what bought this on and he said that he has a lot of fantasies that he wants to do in the bedroom. He fully respects that I don’t want to be a part of them and that he still loves me but he want to be able to fulfil these before being married or engaged again. He said that it would go both ways and that if I wanted to sleep with someone else he would be okay with it with a few exceptions. As for ground rules he said no exes or flings (I fully understand this and even if this was on the table there is nobody in my past that I want to be with.) Protection is a must, again this would be obvious and that we are open with each other, that if it gets too much or we have a night where were going out but the other partner wants us to stay at home we honour that (within reason i.e asking at the start of the day if they can stay at home for the night, not as they are getting ready.) I am currently on the fence as I don’t want to be with anyone else. I am fully satisfied with our relationship and our sex life but I know Dan wants to explore more. In terms of being emotionally intimate I feel as if we have gotten a lot closer throughout the whole ordeal. I do have some reservations and that may come from a place of insecurity. That is Dan might find someone else while in this open agreement and leave me. Though he has assured me that he loves me and isn’t going to leave me for someone else I can’t stop worrying about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Tl.dr; Boyfriend wants an open relationship for a portion of time so he can fulfil some of his sexual fantasies that I do not want to participate in. I am somewhat open to this but would like some more opinions. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (33F) Fiancè (30M) is being cold towards me after he found out about my past

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1786j8h/my_33f_fiancè_30m_is_being_cold_towards_me_after/

17871l7

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: A way that a cat shows trust to a human is by blinking slowly at them. This is because they are temporarily lowering their guard and trust that you will not harm them/let harm come to them. Content Warnings:>! Flooding!< Mood Spoilers:>! Frustrating, Ongoing, Hope For Satisfying Conclusion !< I am not the OOP, that would be u/Mkheir01 \- [**Put a lien on my neighbors for not being able to pay an illegal special assessment? I'll put a lien on your $20m mansion!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/11a903c/put_a_lien_on_my_neighbors_for_not_being_able_to/) **(Posted Originally Febuary 23, 2023 on** r/pettyrevenge **and** r/fuckHOA This may be the most petty thing I have ever done in my life. I'm a pretty petty person, and I also believe in malicious compliance, but this takes the cake.So I bought a condo in a building in a large city in the US about 2.5 years ago. The building has an HOA that we all pay into monthly. Since I've lived here, the building has rapidly deteriorated and we have all hired an attorney for a class action style lawsuit. I'm talking broken elevators, broken rooftop AC units, the pool was empty for four months during the summer, etc. The people in the building are great though, and we are a friendly bunch.Last year, I took the HOA to Small Claims court because they failed to provide financial documents that show us how our fees are being spent. As this is a legal requirement for all HOAs in my state, I won the case and was awarded the $30 filing fee plus $1, symbolic (I sued for documents, not money). The fact that they can't provide the docs as they are legally required to do is a separate issue among others including possible criming that we've hired the attorneys for. I have asked the HOA to pay the $31 to me, and the president of the HOA wants to either meet me somewhere private to give it to me, or he wants to mail me a Satisfaction of Judgement form, have me sign it, and mail it back to him and then he will mail me a check. No to both! Three days after I won the case, the HOA announced that they were going to charge us all a special assessment of about $1000 each and an increase in our monthly dues of 10%. In my state, a membership vote gets triggered if you charge a special assessment that brings the building more than 5% its yearly income, which means 51% of the owners must approve of the assessment for it to take effect. As this $$$$ is about 20% of our yearly income, a vote should have taken place. When we asked about this vote, the HOA said that it was being made under an emergency clause, which means that the membership vote doesn't have to take place. The emergency? Fixing the elevator that broke on Dec 24, 2021. The spirit of the emergency clause is for things like fire, earthquake, flood, etc, not a broken elevator that has been broken for a year already. When there was understandable pushback, the HOA sent out a little email stating that anyone who didn't pay the assessment would have a lien put on their unit. The liens came down yesterday to those that couldn't pay $1000 on short notice (our attorneys told us that even though the money is in dispute, we still have to pay it, and I did pay mine, but we also have a lot of retirees/lower income people in the building). The HOA president's house is currently on the market for $20m. I just got back from the courthouse where I filed a $31 lien against it for $140, clouding its title. It's a matter of principle, not money. Now the title can't change hands until he pays me my $31 and I am perfectly within my rights to collect on a judgement owed :) EDIT: I will for sure keep you guys updated after the attorneys do their thing. That might be a story for prorevenge tho. EDIT 2: Some confusion here. I initially filed the small claim with the HOA as defendant. The small claim judge determined that was incorrect and said I should sue the individual as the president of the HOA and made me amend the case, therefore, the defendant in the whole case was the one individual person, and therefore he is responsible for the $31 and I can exercise my right to put a lien on his home in my effort to collect. I CAN ONLY PUT A LIEN AGAINST THE DEFENDANT, AND THE DEFENDANT IS A PERSON. I CANNOT PUT A LIEN AGAINST THE HOA BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT THE DEFENDANT IN THE CASE. THE COURTS ALREADY DETERMINED THAT THE PERSON OWES ME MONEY. I DONT NEED TO CONTINUE TO ARGUE A CASE IVE ALREADY WON. EDIT 3: Wow this blew up, and with that so many ppl accusing me of lying because they don’t understand our legal system. Thank you to all who are supporting my efforts, we hope to have these ppl overthrown and in prison hopefully by the end of the year. We’ve turned over all we have to our attorneys who are the best HOA attorneys in LA. We will get these people! Further reading on what else these slumlords are dealing with: [https://globalpropertyinc.com/2022/08/10/lawsuit-barry-shy-didnt-disclose-defects-in-400m-deal/](https://globalpropertyinc.com/2022/08/10/lawsuit-barry-shy-didnt-disclose-defects-in-400m-deal/) Final edit I hope: If you live in Los Angeles county and have a money judgement against someone, learn how to collect here: [https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/small-claims/after-trial/collect-money](https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/small-claims/after-trial/collect-money). If you scroll down and choose FROM THEIR PROPERTY, all you have to do is fill out the Abstract of Judgement, get it filed at the courthouse ($40), then get it recorded ($100) for a lien against a property to take effect. Final final edit: Got this email this morning. [https://imageshack.com/i/pnaXtKp2j](https://imageshack.com/i/pnaXtKp2j) *(Email Transcript:* *Subject: Check for $31* *You'll receive a check for $31 via FedEx in the next few days, I will forward tracking number as soon as available. I expect that you will record a satisfaction of judgement once the check clears. I believe I sent you that form earlier.* *Best Regards)* Sorry my first link to it was bad. \- [**UPDATE Put a lien on my neighbors for not being able to pay an illegal special assessment? I'll put a lien on your $20m mansion!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/13kp09n/update_put_a_lien_on_my_neighbors_for_not_being/) **(Posted May 18th, 2023 on** r/pettyrevenge\*\*)\*\* So a couple weeks ago we were all informed that there is going to be a second special assessment this year. Our last one was about $1/square foot, this one is $1.25/square foot. I'm getting a rhinoplasty next month and just can't afford to plop another $1250 to these people, and therefore I'm not paying. This combined with the SA from a few months ago equals about 45% of our building's income, well over the 5% limit in the state of CA. Several other people are not paying because they either can't afford it or simply think it's too much. Both are valid. He can lien my unit all day every day, I will go to the court hearing about it and get it thrown out. Our HOA recall election was tonight. 5 seats on the board, us individual homeowners put forth 3 candidates. The 3 of us spent many Sundays going door-to-door campaigning, and we did get a lot of neutral owners on board. With the ballots, you can either mail them in or fill them out in person. Most of us elect to mail them in and there were two questions on them: 1. Do you approve of the recall election? 2. Place your votes for candidates in this grid. Unfortunately, several people skipped question 1 and approval for the recall was therefore less than 51%. The family of crooks that run our building now own 119 units out of the 180, and we just didn't get it. After the election, there was an HOA meeting. I find these things an absolute waste of time, a stupid meeting ran by stupid people, but I did show up about 20 mins late for about 10 minutes, and a literal fistfight almost broke out, and the family announced that even though I have a seat on the board, they are no longer including me in meetings because I am "disrespectful". People literally started SCREAMING. Another owner made an audio recording of the whole thing and I sent it along to our attorney. Our HOA bylaws require mediation before litigation, and so we have that coming up in which we are asking for a large sum of money, our attorney fees, and this family to give up their positions of power and have their voting rights stripped permanently. If they refuse, we go to litigation and a judge will subpoena their financial records, which will show laundering, embezzlement, theft, and god knows what else, so I have a pretty good feeling they will accept to avoid the alternative, potential prison. Also the house I put the lien on still hasn't sold so I still haven't gotten my $31 :( and our elevators still don’t work. \- **Relevant Comment** Make sure you take pleasure in every moment of crushing them. Would you local DA be interested in looking into these people for possible corruption , money laundering?? Is it worth flagging it up to them? OOP: We already contacted them and no. Our attorneys will refer when/if the time comes. >Your DA may not care, but the IRS probably would. OOP: You know what, you're right. Gonna look into this right quick. \- *OOP then saw the original BORU post and has provided a new update on* r/pettyrevenge [**UPDATE 2 Put a lien on my neighbors for not being able to pay an illegal special assessment? I'll put a lien on your $20m mansion!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/15f6d8m/update_2_put_a_lien_on_my_neighbors_for_not_being/) **(Originally August 1st, 2023)** Hello all! I haven't posted an update recently because there hasn't been a whole lot going on. I was going to wait another few weeks when I knew more, but this was posted on a bestof page today so I thought I'd keep you posted anyways. I took the advice of some commenters and reported this family to the IRS. I sent an email to our internal email Google group that I manage that has all the other owners on it with a link to print out the form and an invitation to do the same. Three days later I was served with a cease and desist regarding defamation. I found out later that Bitchboy threatened another tenant into forwarding the email to him. I have informed our attorneys of this. I regarded the C&D as a type of SLAPP and promptly disregarded, as there is never anything wrong with cooperating with a government agency. I have not heard anything else regarding this. Our CC&R's require Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) before jumping to litigation. We decided to go that route and our attorneys, angels really, put together a \~130 page document outlining each and every fart these people have made within their collective lifetimes complete with numerous pages of exhibits, etc. In our demand, we ask for either complete building refurbishment OR $5m in cash, to be stripped of their positions of power, and our attorney fees, which so far are about $22k at this point raised through crowdsourcing within our building. This was served to them last week and they have 30 days to respond. If they don't respond, we go directly to litigation. As a judge will subpoena every bank record for the last 20 years or so which may uncover evidence of crimes, we feel that Bitchboy and Co. should feel very inclined to accept our offer. In the meantime, I got my rhinoplasty a few weeks ago (Guess which major US city I live in) and it is absolutely scorching here. Our water went out for 7 hours on Sunday, and with it went our AC as our HVAC units are liquid-cooled, got fixed Sunday night, and now the water just stopped working again. Nobody knows why and as its the middle of the night here, nothing can be done. My monthly HOA dues are due today so I'm going to fork over $400 for what. Additionally, I made it clear I wasn't paying the second special assessment, but I've continued paying my regular $400 monthly dues, however, they've been putting that money towards the special assessment and charging me a late fee for the remaining SA balance as well as a late fee each month for each unpaid monthly dues. Double compound late fees are illegal here, and when I reached out to Bitchboys secretary, she told me that it was just how "our billpay system works". They are trying to get my balance up to $1800 so they can foreclose, which is the minimum amount required in my state. The attorneys are aware so we shall see. He has less than 3 weeks remaining to reply to our ADR. This may have to move over to ProRevenge at that point. And the $20m house still hasn't sold, so I still haven't received my $31 WHICH IS CLEARLY THE REAL ISSUE HERE. \- [**UPDATE 3 Put a lien on my neighbors for not being able to pay an illegal special assessment? I'll put a lien on your $20m mansion! (October 8th, 2023)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/173gglu/update_3_put_a_lien_on_my_neighbors_for_not_being/) Hello All. Here with a little update. Link to the original post and previous updates here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/15f6d8m/update\_2\_put\_a\_lien\_on\_my\_neighbors\_for\_not\_being/](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/15f6d8m/update_2_put_a_lien_on_my_neighbors_for_not_being/) So no surprise here, our Overlords did not respond in time to our ADR, so we have no choice but to file a formal lawsuit, which our attorneys are putting together now. A few other things have happened. So a guy who lives in a different building that was once owned by these same people organized a protest at our Overlords house. He put the message out the day of, and only the two of us showed up. No bother though, there were 6 cops there too. He found out about it and fled the area with his family, and the cops were super cool to us, explaining that we have the right to protest we just can't be in possession of baseball bats or Molotov cocktails and they were like "we're just going to stand off to the side, you guys can protest as long as you want we just have to make sure there's no rioting and no trespassing". Well it was just the two of us so we ended up leaving, but it was hilarious. Back in my building, there is a tenant they're trying to evict, and so the Overlord did as Overlord does, and cut a hole in the wall from the hallway and burst a water pipe to flood them out. The elevator bank on 5 floors was flooded along with several units on several floors. This is highly illegal and the attorneys are aware. The next day the water had to be shut off all day for "emergency repairs". Then I was contacted by a real estate agent who does a lot of work in our building and told me that the Overlord let our building master hazard insurance lapse. He called the insurance company and they said that the Overlord hadn't even attempted to renew it yet, and if it lapses, it will be at least 30 days before a new policy can be put into place. Well on Oct 1 it lapsed, and we all got letters from our banks telling us that if we don't get a master hazard plan STAT, the banks will get one on our behalf and add it to our mortgages. Turns out this kind of plan is like 300-450k/yr and can't even be purchased by individuals. so I dont know what our banks think we can do. But thats not even the best part. Two days ago in the middle of the night, some huge leak or something happened on the top floor and it flooded our building all the way to the basement, one unit on each floor straight down. Our CC&R's state that plumbing and electric inside the walls is the responsibility of the owner, a clause that is likely unenforceable as "condo" is a legal definition and descriptor and our HO6 insurance policies only covers what is within our units, and not in the walls. This created an uproar amongst those affected and I told them that if they want any resolution, it's probably going to have to be handled in the courts and that they are welcome to join our class action as a named plaintiff if they want to address this issue directly as a part of it. Some are thinking about it. Our attorneys in the meantime told us that they believe they have found RICO violations aka racketeering and organized crime. They said that they're going to cooperate with the FBI/DA/AG but any criminal aspect is out of their control and will be handled by those parties. They also said that if it is determined that RICO violations have occurred, we get 3x our claimed damages. Anyways, that's all that's new. Thank you guys for your support. I had no idea a community on Reddit would give me the push I needed to keep going. I hope to bring the final chapter of this to prorevenge or nuclearrevenge. ETA: He randomly took his house off the market so I did not receive my $31 yet and not sure when I will. \- **Relevant Comments** >You go brother. Just one question. Where do you find the time and energy? OOP: \*Sister. And it’s just part of my personality. When I get an inkling that I’m being fucked, I will not rest. I’m a terrorist when it comes to shit like this. This is effecting the value of my more-than-half-a-million-dollar investment, so. \- >that is a wild ride !!! hows the nose job? OOP: OMG so good. I can breathe!!!- >Random question....have you tried foreclosing on the mansion? I read a story about a guy who had money owed to him by the bank and due to the bank not oaying he foreclosed on the local branch. Could be a fun revenge? OOP: The lien has to be $1900 or more in CA to foreclose. \- *I hope the best for OOP and her neighbors.*

[NEW UPDATE] OOP and her neighbors are in an ongoing battle with their HOA

NEW UPDATE

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17871l7/new_update_oop_and_her_neighbors_are_in_an/

17871z8

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Throwaway_account661 **Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this to BoRU** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **My parents want me to delay proposing to my girlfriend and they are both mad I said no to that** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation, controlling behavior!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16x90wp/my_parents_want_me_to_delay_proposing_to_my/) - **October 1, 2023** I am going to propose to my girlfriend on Friday. I mentioned it to dad and stepmother because they invited me and her over for dinner Friday night and I reminded them that it is our anniversary and said I was going to propose. Their reaction threw me off because they were both happy for me but they also asked me to delay my proposal. They said it is because of one of my sisters. They said she is hopeful about getting engaged soon and I should wait until after that before I propose. My mom and stepfather also feel the same way. That sister is in a relationship. However they have been together for 9.5 years. They have a son and a daughter. They own a condo and a business together. But they aren't married. My sister's partner says he is fine without being married and he feels he doesn't need a piece of paper for their relationship to be real. He's been clear he doesn't want marriage. My sister on the other hand really wants to be married and to have a wedding. I don't think I should have to wait. Firstly I don't believe a proposal is "imminent" like my dad and my mom said. Secondly I don't think I should have to put my life on hold just for my sister's life and I don't think her being upset about me getting married when she isn't is on me. My sister has more money than I do, she has a loving partner and beautiful, healthy kids. If she is upset about me getting engaged she needs to look at herself. I told my dad and my mom I'm not putting anything on hold and I don't care if news of my engagement will upset my sister. They didn't take it well even if they reiterated how happy they are that I'm proposing. They want me to reconsider. I have bolded one part of my original post and I am also editing to add another sentence: Since him and my sister started living together all 3 of his own siblings and my brother and other sister have gotten married, so me proposing won't make him want to propose too. **Relevant Comments from OOP:** ***weefergie56:** I'm just curious: Is the sister older than you? Are you the youngest?* >**OP:** Yes, she is the oldest. The birth order is her, my brother, me and my other sister. My brother and other sister are both married (in 2017 and 2019). ***iheartstartrek:** Your stepfather doesn't give a rats ass, this is all your mom doing crazy mom worrying. Propose and forget about it, your sister will be happy for you.* >**OP:** >*this is all your mom doing crazy mom worrying.* > >>**No. My stepfather, as well as my dad and my stepmother (who found out first) all had the same reaction as my mom. All 4 of them reacted strongly, it was just my mom.** > >*your sister will be happy for you.* > >>**No she won't be.** &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/173at4f/update_my_parents_want_me_to_delay_proposing_to/?share_id=nhrQh1L8EoK_i1wMsKm9q&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) – **October 8, 2023** I proposed to my girlfriend on Friday and she said yes. We decided we don't want a big, expensive wedding. I've asked her if she's sure because if she wants her family there we can have a wedding and I'll just make sure anyone from my family who causes problems stays away. She says no one in her family will mind. We decided to go on a cruise on the Rhine river. It goes from the Netherlands to Switzerland. We are going at the end of November and will get married sometime during the cruise, most likely on November 23. As I knew would happen, my sister is upset. My dad, stepmother, mom and stepfather are upset I did not listen even though they also say they are happy for me. I am ignoring my sister's behaviour and just focusing on being enjoying this time in my life. (I would also like to address some things: My sister's boyfriend has always been clear that he doesn't want marriage. My sister has known from the beginning. Since the two of them moved in together 7 years ago, my brother and my other sister have gotten married and so have all 3 of his of his siblings. Me getting engaged would not make him want to propose too. My parents asked both my brother and my other sister to delay getting engaged when it was their time as well. My sister isn't the favourite like that so I don't understand my parents. Also, even if he was about to propose to my sister I don't see why it means I couldn't also propose to my girlfriend. I proposed to her privately so I don't understand why my sister's boyfriend proposing would matter at all to my plans.) &nbsp; **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST – I AM NOT OOP**

My parents want me to delay proposing to my girlfriend and they are both mad I said no to that

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17871z8/my_parents_want_me_to_delay_proposing_to_my/

17872ee

**I am not The OOP, OOP posted to two different accounts:** u/East-Jelly-2273 & u/East-Jelly-2274 **Am I F18 the asshole for having sex in my house?** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, verbal abuse and death of a parent!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16z9jd6/am_i_f18_the_asshole_for_having_sex_in_my_house/) **Oct 4, 2023** **Posted as u/East-Jelly-2273** My dad died when I was 10 years old, but in his will he left his house to me. More specifically, he left it to my uncle with instructions to give it to me, but my uncle is great, so when I turned 18 he took me out for the day, and we hung out, and he made a whole thing of giving me ownership. He did a great job of keeping track of stuff and holding on to the stocks and retirement funds and life insurance money that my dad left me. My dad left most of everything to me, with some going to his brother, my uncle, and my aunt. He also left me my car, that my uncle kept until I was 16. The car is technically still in my uncle's name and he pays the insurance. My dad also left my mom a bit of money, and he even left some money to my half brother M12. He and my mom were never married. They stayed together even though she cheated, but he still never wanted to get married. My mom says he wanted her to jump through hoops if she ever wanted to marry him, and it never happened before he died. My mom married my stepdad(My brother and sister's F9 father), And we stayed living in the house. My mom got to live there with me, because of my dad's will, and my stepdad moved in with her. My mom quit her job after she married my stepdad, and he's the sole income earner, with her as a SAHM. My uncle has never charged my stepdad rent. My stepdad just pays utilities, and he's been giving my uncle money for property taxes. So he's been getting a pretty sweet deal. Anyway, the other night, I had my boyfriend park down the block and walk to the house so I could sneak him in through the garage, and I had him up in my room. My stepdad ran into him in the morning, when he was trying to sneak out through the kitchen and didn't expect my stepdad to be up. We apologized for startling him and I was a little embarrassed. I tried to laugh it off and tell him it wasn't a big deal and just be casual, but he wasn't having it. Stepdad fucking blew up at me, saying that I'm not allowed to have boyfriends or girlfriends over, that it's inappropriate, and that it's disrespectful fucking whatever. I told him I didn't have to listen to him, and he tried to pull some my house my rules bullshit. That's when I told him that it's actually *my house*, and it always has been. And he's lucky I don't charge him rent. (It's not like I'm going to kick my mom in my siblings out or something, but still, fuck him) He was fucking livid! He called me a spoiled little brat and he kept having a tantrum. He told my mom to say something, but she kind of just stayed out of it, kind of like she always does. He tried to yell at me some more, but I just told him that it's my fucking house at I’ll do what I want. If I want to have my boyfriend over I can. I work retail, because I don't want to blow through the money my dad left me (It's enough that I could live off it through college, but definitely not long-term. My uncle says I should do my best not to touch it anymore than I need to). I told my stepdad that if I did charge him rent, even if I gave him a fantastic deal, I could totally just quit my job. He just said I wouldn't fucking dare, but by then it was time for him to go to work anyway. I gave him every fucking opportunity to not pick fights, but he's just a dick sometimes. Am I the asshole for having sex in my own house? [Update](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/hybWlQs7mV) **Oct 8, 2023** **Posted as u/East-Jelly-2274** Had to make a new throwaway account I never expected the overwhelming number of responses my post got, but I can try to answer some of the main questions, and I have some news. The fight we had wasn't the first time My step dad had called me spoiled. He's said it before. My uncle does really well, enough to take his family on vacations every couple of years, and he always invites me along ever since I was 10. He also makes sure to get me gifts for Christmas and my birthday etc. Their usually nicer than what my step dad gets me, if he even gets me anything, and my stepdad always thinks I'm spoiled. My stepdad is a cheapskate who does not like to spend money on gifts. My uncle is the opposite. I had asked my uncle about how much it would be to take over the insurance on my car, but my uncle said that me not needing to worry about it was worth more to him than the money. I am incredibly glad and thankful to have him in my life. Yes, my stepdad is the main guy my mom was cheating on my dad with back when they were together. My brother and my sister are both his kids. I'm my dad's only child. My mom hooked up with my stepdad openly/officially later the same year after my dad died. They got married pretty quick. My uncle is a really chill friendly guy but he is basically just cordial with my stepdad. He's way more fine with my mom but she has a very passive personality a lot of the time so they don't really conflict with each other ever. My mom usually has my back but she doesn't get into arguments if she can help it. She never argued with my dad for her as I can remember and she doesn't argue with my stepdad. If she can't walk away from a fight she'll let people talk at her until they get bored. My mom will sneak me extra money out of the money my step dad gives her And she'll usually be the one to tell him to just let me do what I want. My stepdad is way more strict with his bio kids but she never let him be that strict on me. Even when my mom worked she never had much more than minimum wage or part-time jobs. She likes to talk about how much she got as tips when she was a bartender for a little while, but that was the highest paying job she ever had. She went straight from living with her own parents to living with my dad back when they were together. My stepdad has been around since I was about 10, and he has tried to be a father to me as well as his own kids. I can appreciate that he's provided for me and the family, even if we don't always get along. He tries. He really does. But he's always thought I was spoiled. My dad made more money back then even than he does now and I guess I can see why he's jealous. He's probably also jealous of my uncle. My uncle usually gets my brother and sister gifts too, but my stepdad has literally told him not to get them things that are too expensive. My uncle got my brother a switch back when they were new and my stepdad got mad about it and told him he had to give it back. I got into an argument with them and told him he was being an asshole. My uncle is willing to respect his wishes but told him he doesn't have any business with what gifts he gives me. The taxes were never paid in my step dad's name. He always gave the money to my uncle, and my uncle paid the taxes. Now he'll be giving the money to me and I'll be paying them in my own name. I did talk to my uncle, privately and along with everyone else, and we had a discussion like adults, like a lot of people recommended. My uncle is going to talk to a lawyer, and we are going to have a formal lease. My stepdad is going to pay rent, but It won't be anywhere near as much as he'd pay for anything else a month, which will let me have a lot more savings but which won't hurt the family. I did have to admit that his money is their money too and I don't want to take money away from my mom and siblings. Also stepdad has been paying for me all this time. I've only even had a job for a little under a year. We had a good long talk and my uncle made us all hug In addition to rent, stepdad will be responsible for household repairs and upkeep. He was already doing this, as he was eager to point out, and he did replace the water heater a few years ago, and he paid to have the furnace and AC replaced. I talked to my mom privately first, and she always wanted my stepdad to pay something, but he figured taking care of the family and me was more than enough. Also, again my stepdad is really cheap. When we go out to restaurants, someone else has to be in charge of leaving the tip, or he basically just won't tip at all. Obviously, kicking out my whole family was never going to be anything I wanted to do. That would be totally crazy. I love my mom and my sister and brother. Stepdad is even okay most of the time. I would absolutely not be able to pay for everything on my part-time retail job, especially with getting ready for college. As funny as it would be, I don't think I'm going to kick my mom out of the master bedroom. My room has its own bathroom anyway, and even if her bathroom and bedroom are bigger than mine, she's got two people in there so I'm just going to keep the peace. I can obviously have guests over whenever I want. And that includes my boyfriend. I'm not going to get pregnant. I'm on birth control AND we use condoms and if it comes down to it I'm just not having a baby. Sneaking my boyfriend into the house was just what I always do and it can be hard to stop doing old habits. Ever since my stepdad caught me with my best friend and banned her from being able to sleep over at the house or even stay late I've just been used to hiding my dating and sex life from him. My mom is way more chill about it, and I talk to her but my stepdad usually doesn't even know who I'm dating. That can obviously change now and I can just have people come in through the front door. My mom and stepdad have agreed that they should try to move out within the next 5 to 10 years, depending on if I go to grad school at all or not. Sorry if this was too long or disorganized. I'm just trying to answer all the questions and it was a flood of comments. Tldr: My family is staying, but stepdad will be paying rent. There will be a lease. My uncle is still helping especially with legal stuff. Peace is restored. I can have my boyfriend over and I can have sex in my house **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Am I F18 the asshole for having sex in my house?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17872ee/am_i_f18_the_asshole_for_having_sex_in_my_house/

17873ve

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ThRowRa\_SOP](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThRowRa_SOP/). She posted in r/TwoHotTakes **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but OOP will be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/170tjve/my_boyfriend_28_m_said_he_doesnt_want_to_have_sex/)**: October 5, 2023** Sorry for my English, I'm not American My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, we met because I am friends with her sister and we became close over time since we worked together, then she introduced me to her brother and I asked him out. I thought he was fine, until a week ago he told me that he no longer wanted to have sex with me. He said he loves me but he doesn't want sex anymore. I asked him the reason and he mentioned that he is not attracted to me sexually or physically, just emotionally and lovingly. I must say that my appearance really is not the best, I am fat, around 75kg **(editor's note- 165 pounds)** and I am 1.65 meters tall **(5'4")**. I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and insulin resistance so it is really difficult for me to lose weight; I also have a lot of hair on my leg area and facial area on my chin. I always try to shave, and I really diet and exercise but I can't lose weight. He, on the other hand, likes to take care of his body, goes to the gym and also eats healthy. What he said really hurts me, he doesn't find me attractive, and it makes me doubt too much, in the first place because I don't understand why he agreed to go out with me. Did he do it out of pity? Why doesn't he break up with me? Why did he wait 3 years to tell me he doesn't like me like that? Besides, does he want to sleep with other girls? He has a pretty high libido, and when we had sex he really enjoyed it or something? Or did he just have sex with me out of obligation until he couldn't stand it anymore? He also makes me ashamed of myself. I can't tell anyone, I really feel that is embarrassing. ***Relevant Comments:*** *You didn't say YOU go to the gym:* "I exercise at home because I feel embarrassed going to the gym" *Diet:* "I diet, not keto but another type of diet. And I don't drink anything but water." "It is difficult for me to lose weight, but I try to maintain it, in fact, I am thinking about 4kg less" *Explanation for those of you who don't know what PCOS is:* "Polycystic ovary syndrome is not due to eating too much, It is due to having elevated hormones (Androgens) It has nothing to do with eating too much. I suggest you read before commenting because you seem ignorant. Insulin resistance is one of the problems that causes Polycystic Ovary Syndrome as well as cysts and infertility." *Clarification on the "Sorry for my English, I'm not American" comment:* "My first language is not English And I have seen that on reddit they say that it is "rage bait/fake/made by Artificial Intelligence" when there are spelling or grammatical errors in English" "I have also seen that on reddit when people speak English it is automatically because you are from the United States lol" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/172qt33/update_my_boyfriend_28_m_said_he_doesnt_want_to/)**: October 8, 2023 (3 days later)** Sorry for my English, I don't speak English lol. Hello, I bring you a small update. Well, first I want to clarify a few points: 1. Sex really isn't that important to me, I think what hurt me was the fact that I thought I wasn't attractive to my boyfriend. 2. I don't go to the gym, I go running every morning, I exercise at home; I'm on a diet but I admit I still eat a little bit of carbs. And when I'm too stressed at work I binge, so I end up eating more. 3. If my boyfriend (now ex) was asexual, I would have gladly supported him. As I said, sex is indifferent to me. In fact, almost every time we had sex, my ex-boyfriend was the one who initiated it. 4. I saw a comment that said something like: "fat women expect to be with a muscular guy", I think body type has nothing to do with it, I have seen hundreds of thin and very sexy girls with fat guys, but no one says nothing about that. 5. As for my hair... I usually shave, but if I don't have time I will leave it for later. Now the update: In the morning, I asked my boyfriend if we could talk, he agreed. I asked him what he meant about him not wanting to have sex. Whether he was just with me or in general. At first he was very hesitant to answer but he ended up saying that he doesn't want to have sex with me. I asked a lot of questions, like: "If you don't want to have sex with me, how are you going to satisfy yourself?" He told me that he was hoping to open the relationship or something, that telling me that he didn't find me attractive was a "roundabout way to tell me to open our relationship," according to a friend of his. I'm not interested in that kind of thing, I really always thought that to have an open relationship it's better to be single. So I simply told him that I was sorry but that unfortunately I don't share the same ideals as him and that it was better to break up. We don't live together, (but I spent most nights at his house). After talking I simply went to work. He has been sending me messages that he wants to talk, that I have to think carefully because I am throwing 3 years away, that my good friendship with his sister is going to go down the drain if we break up. When I didn't answer him, he started insulting me, saying things like "I don't think you'll find someone like me with your weight, I only went out with you out of pity and because my sister asked me to," oh! He also called me a fat bitch. I really believed I was the problem. I blocked him recently. I've been crying because despite everything everything he says hurts. Besides, I have many things in his house that I want to recover. Also, thanks reddit for his advice and for his insults by calling me obese, lol. I think this is the latest update. I must also tell you that your insults made me realize that I really need to change my lifestyle. I will try to eat a healthier diet and cut out carbohydrates. For those who thought I was stupid because I didn't put the period when I put my height, I thought it was used differently in America lol. **(editor's note- OOP originally forgot the decimal in her height. It was the topic of conversation in the comments)** ***This isn't a comment from OOP, but is an important one to share:*** The person who needs to be happy with your body first and always is you. Also eating carbs can be healthy. Fresh fruit has carbs! But also has fiber and vitamins. So don't hurt yourself with an unhealthy diet because of your jerk ex or be hard on yourself because of what internet strangers think.

My boyfriend (28 M) said he doesn't want to have sex with me (25 F) anymore.

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17873ve/my_boyfriend_28_m_said_he_doesnt_want_to_have_sex/

178ejch

Hello all, I am OOP... I decided to post my own update because I am an avid boruer... Note: I speak enough Spanish to have basic conversations with MIL but my wife's mom (MIL) only speaks Spanish so there is a language barrier to all of our interactions. So if it seems like some of things I said to MIL are like a little kid talking to someone, that's why. Usually my wife just translates when we are in the same room. &#x200B; **Trigger Warnings:** >!mentions of abuse, PTSD, police!< &#x200B; **Original posted in two places April 1, 2023:** r/JUSTNOMIL [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/128lufl/mother_in_law_called_the_police_due_to_tummy_time/) and r/beyondthebump [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/128kfig/mother_in_law_called_the_police_due_to_tummy_time/) &#x200B; I really can’t believe it, but my MIL claims my wife (F) and I (M)(mid 30s) are abusing our baby (6 months old) since he “fusses” while on his tummy (our doctor said he needs more tummy time for his flat spot, to strengthen his muscles, as well as to help him roll over). He doesn’t like tummy time but it’s not like he even gets to the point of crying. He just makes uncomfortable noises. We tried explaining this to MIL but she keeps claiming we are forcing the baby and abusing him. &#x200B; MIL has been living with us the last few months and things have gone great. She graciously agreed to provide free child care for 3 months. I cooked her dinner/made her lunch and we bought her groceries. I tried my best to make her feel welcome during her stay. MIL lives with FIL on the west coast so we paid for her plane ticket here (east coast). FIL stayed on the west coast because my wife does not like him. This latest event happened a week before she was scheduled to fly back home. &#x200B; Two days ago she snatched the baby from me during tummy time and said I am committing violence against him. I regretted letting her take him but let her. Then yesterday she tried the same thing and I refused to give her my baby. The thing is, I WASN’T EVEN DOING TUMMY TIME. My baby fusses when he isn’t doing something, he just constantly wants something. MIL heard him fussing from another room and comes barging in saying I’m abusing him again. I walked away from her and locked the door behind me. She pounded on the door saying she will call the cops and she did. I called my partner who left work immediately and drove home. &#x200B; Two policemen talked to her and then us. I invited them in and said they could walk around. They looked around and saw an immaculately clean place and a very happy baby (MIL had not been cleaning up the past couple days or helping with anything like she did in the past making me think this was premeditated to try and make us look bad, but I had been cleaning behind her). MIL tried telling the cops that we were dirty because the dirty bottles and snot sucker were in the same place, that we pet the dog then hold the baby, and that we do tummy time where the cat lays on the couch. When she told them that tummy time hurts the baby they just said “I’m not a professional doctor.” The police couldn’t contain their laughter saying it sounds like MIL thinks she is the “resident expert” and that they run into mothers who disagree with parenting styles a lot. I unfortunately couldn’t laugh along because I was in tears explaining the situation but it was obvious the police were on our side. The police told us the clean house does not look like an unsafe environment for the baby. They also informed us that at this point they were just there for a venting session with MIL and not to worry. Of course no police report was filed. &#x200B; My wife had my back the whole time and kicked her mom (MIL) out of our house. She had a couple hours to pack her bags and then I drove her to a motel. She of course was mad but had no remorse and thinks she did nothing wrong. She doesn’t have much money so my partner and I are paying for it. We got her a flight home tomorrow (she was scheduled to fly out in a week but we were able to change her flight for tomorrow). I’m not sure what will happen in the future but it might be the last time MIL sees her grandchild… MIL has no idea and thinks it’s her baby too. Luckily MIL and FIL live on the other side of the country. Here’s to hoping they never move here… &#x200B; ***Relevant Comments:*** &#x200B; *OOP's response to a* [*Comment*](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/128kfig/comment/jeliokm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) *speculating dementia:* I think it is related to PTSD from FIL domestic violence when she was raising her own kids (my wife was the youngest and didn’t get abused as bad as her siblings and MIL). MIL claimed that I get angry and take it out on the baby by hurting him through tummy time…. This sounds like projection to me. I have a counselor just to talk generally about life things and don’t bottle up any anger like MIL says... Every time MIL hears the baby fussing from another room she automatically assumes we are doing tummy time even though the baby was just fussing. My guess is something is triggering her own abuse? She never got counseling, is very against it. I definitely don't think it’s dementia, while she seemed to be seeing red trying to get the baby from me, and I’ve never seen her like that, it seemed like something else. OOP note: BIL lives with MIL and FIL and BIL says 100% it can't be dementia. So we can rule that out... &#x200B; OOP's r*esponse to comment claiming there must have been warning signs:* "I was trying to keep the post brief for the sake of talking about the major situation. So MIL has made comments but my wife has shut her down. Like she didn’t like that his pediatrician is young, she doesn’t trust doctors in general, especially not young ones. She blames him having to do tummy time on the fact that we chose a young pediatrician who doesn't know anything. She doesn’t trust the skin treatment method the pediatrician chose for a rash. She doesn’t like that we don’t give him water (lol, water can kill newborn babies). But my partner just shuts her down immediately. Maybe things were just building up since she never got her way and then it all came out… But I wouldn’t say there were any arguments it was more just little comments she made. Edit: She also hated the white noise machine and even told the police about it!! The officer stayed professional but you could tell was holding back laughing 😂 She also hated that we laid him down on the couch where the cat had laid down and said that was dirty. The officer just kept saying "well I'm not an expert. The officer told my wife and I that he would have a "venting session" with MIL because there was clearly no child abuse occurring." &#x200B; *About partner in all of this/why they didn't drive/why not get her an Uber* "My wife said that things would have gotten heated between them so I drove. TBH I didn’t even think about an Uber, not sure why. It was an awkward ride. I recorded the entire ride because I didn’t want her to lie about anything. We wanted her out immediately and as soon as she got in the car I was driving her away. To be honest I didn't think she would leave without a fight but she did. Just didn't think about the Uber or maybe we didn't want to wait for an Uber. Hard to say in that moment." &#x200B; *Comment to clarify tummy time "fussing":* "He has never cried (during the tummy time sessions). He makes grunting noises but when he starts that I move his hips and help him roll over to his back where he is happy. The physical therapist taught us how to “rotisserize” to help him learn how to roll over since he still cant do that on his own" &#x200B; **Update** [**Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/12cl2j3/update_mil_called_the_cops_due_to_tummy_time/)**: April 5, 2023 (4 days later)** An hour or so after I dropped MIL off at the motel, both my partner and I got texts from FIL and I quote: “You cant leave my wife in a hotel, I demand you guys take her back to your house now and work out any problems or misunderstandings. If something happens to her, you are going to be responsible.” And then later he argued that we didn’t explain tummy time well enough to her and said “you guys are not geniuses and need to be empathetic.” &#x200B; My wife immediately blocked him but I didn't know until we discussed it later. I tried reasoning with FIL but realized it wasn't happening so I blocked him too. &#x200B; The next day, the motel said I can’t pay by phone, so I had to drive to the motel to pay for one more night (this was Sat and MIL’s flight was Sunday). I also decided to bring MIL some snacks (she requested water but I decided some snacks too). Listen yall I don’t know why, it was a bad area of town and I thought her walking to the gas station could be dangerous. But if it makes you feel better, while she was living with us she bought some frozen taquitos that she told me I could eat because she didn’t like them (they really weren’t good, had some unidentifiable ground chicken). Also the Wednesday of that week MIL and I had bought good chicken taquitos from Costco. Anyways, to be petty I put the ones she didn't like in the snack package for her… &#x200B; When I dropped off the care package, MIL pleaded that she wasn’t really going to call child protective services (I forgot to add in the original she did threaten this). She didn’t offer an apology but wanted me to tell my partner that she wasn’t really going to call CPS. I said alright and left. MIL then called my partner and I thought was going to apologize but didn’t. Instead MIL started guilt tripping saying she thought she wasn't treated well at our wedding a couple years ago (?? Somehow didn’t mention it until now), and other random things. My partner hung up on her. &#x200B; Note: I think I had forgotten to mention that earlier that week MIL told my partner that us forcing tummy time was equal to how FIL abused her and her children. That really pissed off my partner who had to witness the physical violence of FIL growing up and says that MIL did nothing then (I’m not saying the abuse is MIL’s fault but my partner says it’s hypocritical and “fucked up” of MIL to make the comparison of us and our baby). &#x200B; So Sunday came, I picked MIL up and took her to the airport… on the way, I asked her if she was planning on apologizing. She said “to who?” I said both of us. She then started saying how we didn’t explain tummy time well enough and that it’s our fault. So then I decided to say what I had planned. I said that this whole situation was her fault, that she put us in danger by calling the police, and that threatening to call CPS ensured she would never see her grandchild again. I told her she is not welcome in our house in the future and if I see her again anywhere near our house then I would call the police for trespassing. I also told her she was a bad person which I kinda regret. MIL had tears in her eyes. I was shaking and hastily dropped her bags off for her. As I started driving away I heard a tap on the glass. I nearly drove away with one of her bags in the back seat 😂. So as she picked up her last bag I called out again that she would never see her grandchild again and drove away angrily. So she is presumably back with FIL on the other side of the country. &#x200B; I really can’t say I feel better, the rest of the day I felt just sad in general and I’m not sure why. I haven’t felt like cooking even though I cook most days, so we ordered Chinese. It’s been a couple days now and I’m feeling slightly better, just replaying the car conversation and wishing I said even more by shaming her for guilt tripping my partner so much. I’ve gotten my neighbors to help with the baby and my partner and I found a new restaurant to try. &#x200B; Anyways, I did speak with my partner and we agreed both MIL and FIL are blocked. So they are both officially blocked (on Facebook too, which is the only social media they use). We haven’t heard from them but it has only been a couple days. They probably think we are overreacting and that we will come around but I don’t think we will. My partner’s brother is getting married in September so we might have see MIL and FIL there… &#x200B; Thanks for all the support, I liked responding to you all’s comments and it feels good to be validated in my decisions. Many people said they would not have bought the hotel and plane ride for her but I think MIL is on food stamps and quite poor. Also she did give us child care a few days a week for three months so I am thankful for that. She saved us quite a lot of money. Lastly, she was technically a tenant so she didn’t have to leave even though it is our house. I don’t know the exact tenant laws but they vary by state here in the U.S. I think we did the right thing to pay for the hotel and airplane, and I still think it’s funny I gave her the taquitos 😂 &#x200B; *Comment warning about grandparent rights, OOP's response:* "I can’t understand her end goal here… I think when I closed the door and locked it behind her she saw red and called the cops. I don't think she was trying to gain custody of my kid. Luckily it is hard to get grandparent visitation rights in my state. MIL absolutely cannot afford a lawyer, lives on the opposite coast. She would have to take us to court and if my wife/siblings testify about domestic violence in the home (and get a police record of cops being called to their home (DV due to FIL)), it would be nearly impossible for them to even get visitation rights." &#x200B; **Update #2: October 8th, 2023** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/user/rusurethatsright/comments/1737m26/update_mil_called_the_police_due_to_tummy_time/) **(6 months later)** Hello all, 6 months ago my MIL called the police because my wife and I gave my baby tummy time. In the update I mentioned that BIL (wife's brother) was getting married in September which meant that my wife and I would be forced to see MIL again. The wedding happened, and here is what happened. &#x200B; The wedding was on the other other side of the world in the Middle East since BIL's now wife is from there (my wife, son, and I live in the U.S., east coast). My wife went to the wedding being that it is her brother, but we decided that it would be difficult to take a baby on three flights and who knows how long of travel time to get there, so I stayed home with the baby. While I did want to go just to see the country and enjoy the wedding, part of me was happy not to have to see MIL. &#x200B; Due to finances, MIL and FIL claimed they could not afford the plane tickets or a hotel. They do live in... an "unsafe" (I don't know how to say this in a PC way) part of LA in a very small apartment, so I am inclined to believe them. So my wife, BIL, and SIL all chipped in for the plane ticket, and my wife and MIL shared a hotel room... and I know what you are thinking, was there really no other option? It was just easier and more affordable not to get two rooms I guess. &#x200B; A couple days in my wife texted me, "my mom apologized to and she wants to apologize to you," which I interpreted as my wife accepting the apology, which confused me. My wife Facetimed me and we talked briefly, and she said her mom wants to apologize to me. Her mom then walked over to say hello and presumably to apologize, but I said "I got to go" and ended the call. I just felt like I needed a game plan before talking to MIL... I also didn't know what "apologize" meant to MIL, because there is apologizing and then there is accountability... &#x200B; So I texted my wife the following: "Tell \[MIL\] to write down a list of all the reasons she thinks she was wrong, then sign and date it, and mail it to me. I will review it and decide if it looks like she took responsibility. If she is not willing to then I will not feel safe with her seeing our baby again." To my surprise, her mom agreed to do this. My plan was to have written proof of her admitting to being wrong, which I thought would be great, but to be honest I still don't want her to see us again and I am not ready to forgive her even with a letter. I didn't hear much else about the trip, the wedding went well, my wife enjoyed sight seeing, and my wife flew home. &#x200B; My wife wanted to talk about what happened with MIL's apology at the wedding. It was not what I thought (I thought her mom apologized and my wife accepted the apology). What actually happened was that my wife went off on her mom, calling her out on many things, telling her she permanently ruined their relationship, how it was horrible that she made accusations of abuse when that's what FIL put them through, etc. Her mom continued making excuses for her behavior or saying "well that is in the past and I can't change that now" whenever she didn't have a good response to my wife's assertion. Her mom basically just apologized once but never said specifics or owned up to any of the specific grievances my wife brought up. What was really interesting is that MIL claimed that when she (MIL) was a child, her cousin came running into her house and her uncle came banging on the front door looking for said cousin, and cousin was hiding. She says that traumatized her and that might be why she thought we were abusing our baby? My wife says that is complete bullshit and that FIL's domestic violence is the cause of her trauma but she just doesn't want to admit that because they are still together. MIL also claims that my wife shouldn't be upset because FIL only physically abused her brother and sister... my wife countered by saying that she literally just gave a situation where she only witnessed something, and that effects her to this day... but again MIL just brushed it off. &#x200B; So after a week or two go by, her mom sends me an email. This is a direct quote: "I am sorry for what happened. On those days, as you said, I felt very tired. I hope that with time everything will be in the past!" &#x200B; To be clear, my wife assured me that she laid out the terms very clearly, that she must write a list of everything she did wrong. She also gave MIL specifics of what I wanted her to take responsibility for, basically writing the list for her. My wife and I of course were not happy with the email. I don't even remember saying that MIL was tired? No idea where that came from. Also, sorry for what happened?? She makes it seem like we had a disagreement and are both at fault... &#x200B; My wife made sure to ask me about how I felt about it which was nice, and I let her know it wasn't what I was looking for and it doesn't take responsibility. My wife says she is upset for me and that she was not happy about it. After another long conversation we decided to keep her parents blocked on everything. This time I also blocked MIL's email address in addition to everything else. &#x200B; Last thing: BIL is now mad at MIL and FIL. My wife says her parents sent a WhatsApp message to my wife and her siblings, and it says they are in Europe going around visiting places. So BIL (whose relationship with FIL was already shaky) and my wife are upset that they said they couldn't afford to come to his wedding, especially since they all chipped in for MIL's plane ticket. Now suddenly they flew to Europe and are traveling around just a couple weeks after the wedding? The WhatsApp message also wanted to know BIL's wife's aunt's information so they could ask to stay with her in Europe, which my BIL says he is not happy about. BIL also says the English they used is too good to be his mom, so he suspects it is FIL that actually wrote the message. (IMO this is getting into a bit of a stretch of a theory) BIL and my wife think FIL made the trip in part to somehow get back at BIL/get under his skin. &#x200B; Anyways, that's it... I don't really see MIL and FIL changing or taking responsibility, so I'm done waiting. They had their chance... My wife and I's son will grow up with just one set of grandparents on my side. My dad goes around joking that "he ate dessert, that's child abuse," or "there are two toys left on the ground, that's child abuse," or whatever else it may be. Classic dad. I am still upset that my son will only have one set of grandparents, but I myself only had one as well so I guess you just live with what you got. &#x200B; I am OOP... BORU is my favorite subreddit, it's pretty much all I read (I gave permission for Lucy to post my first update), but this update I figured I would just post it myself so I can answer any questions you all have... I also just generally love the comments on BORU. I feel like they are somehow more empathetic or understanding than other subs. Anyways, I am marking this as concluded because there isn't much else I can think of that would convince my wife and I to unblock MIL and FIL...

Mother in law called the police due to tummy time...

CONCLUDED

rusurethatsright

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/178ejch/mother_in_law_called_the_police_due_to_tummy_time/

178wzqn

This is a New Update on a story previously shared here. New Updates will be marked with 🔴🔴🔴 if you want to skip ahead. *Originally posted by u/ToGayForSIL97 in r/askgaybros on April 26, '22 and updated on June 15, '22, Jan 8, '23, Sept 19, '23* &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Homophobia, Family Estrangement!< &nbsp; **AITA for Hooking Up with New SIL’s Brother?** [Original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/uccg0r/aita_for_hooking_up_with_new_sils_brother/) April 26, '22 Throwaway account because people know my main. Not posting on AITA because of space limitations. I (27M - USA, East Coast) recently attended my brother’s wedding. He really wanted me there even though I can stand his wife who openly hates gay people. I stopped going to a lot of family events where she is going to be around because she makes all sort of loud complaints about me, mainly my going to hell because I am gay. She also hates I’m an atheist who knows more about the bible than her. Anyway, to cut to the chase... I got invited to the wedding with no Plus One over, from what my mom said, objections by my soon to be SIL. She thought it would be disgraceful I made an appearance. Believe me when I say I questioned my brother extensively about why he is marrying this POS, and he simply said he’s in love with her. I warned him this marriage could ruin our relationship as brothers. He said he accepts the risks. So, I went to the wedding – alone – prepared to enjoy the wedding and reception. I noticed this really cute guy sitting on the bride’s side of the church, and again at the reception. I see he did not bring a date. Before I could build up the nerve to go talk to him, he wandered over to my table and sits down. He then, without any prompting, begins to talk about his nightmare sister. Honest to Jupiter he really is new SIL's brother. He also didn't get a Plus One. He asked me, and he knew I was the groom’s brother, why brother married his sister. We shared a few laughs about the train wreck this marriage will become. Under the table his foot began to rub against my leg. We spent the evening dancing, talking and laughing. Then he asked if I wanted to go to his apartment. I did and a lot of really things happened. I don’t know how SIL found out, but she exploded on her FB account how I corrupted her brother. My brother is mad at me for sleeping with this guy on his wedding night. AITA for sleeping with her brother on her wedding night? ETA: This really is about whether I was the asshole for hooking up with her brother after the reception because 1) I sort of knew it would get back to them and 2) I knew it would upset my brother. The day was supposed to be about them, even if the bride is an insufferable wench. I did not want to add bad memories to my brother's day. I love him too much for that. ETA #2: Have to go back to work now (11:15 AM EDT). ETA #3: Came back to answer a few questions and express my thanks to this community. 1) The FB post. I got some interesting advice from someone I reached out to get the post. Said to me: "This will allow people to search for her post and give her shit. You'll make it worse than it is if you put the FB screenshot anywhere. Your brother will be super pissed." - I can't disagree with that. I am holding off from posting. (Plus, I never got a screenshot from anyone.) 2) I never met her brother before this, and I did not know he was gay. I knew she had a brother. That was it because I wanted to know nothing about her. It wasn't until he sat down and started chatting with me that I even got an inkling he was related to her. 3) We're friends at most. This will likely never evolve into a romantic relationship. It wasn't a hate fuck against his sister or any sort of revenge sex. We enjoyed each other's company, we were both horny, and we both wanted to get laid. Never once thought of her or my brother (ew) and what they would think. 4) This whole episode, including this Reddit post, forced me to acknowledge I need to have a serious talk with my brother. I love him, but he is condoning mental and verbal abuse against me by proxy through his now wife. I did talk to my parents last night about this whole situation, and they are now worried my sibling relationship will get fractured beyond repair. I reminded them my brother decided to marry this woman even after she started taking shots at me. That set them back on their heels. 5) I am incredibly grateful to r/askgaybros for their advice, humor, insight, skepticism, and a load of brilliant ideas. You gave me WAY too much to think about, and I see now I desperately need that. 6) Adios! This user name will now be orphaned, but I am preserving then entire thread in a day or two. &nbsp; [First Update - 2 months later ](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/vcs9vn/update_aita_for_hooking_up_with_new_sils_brother/) June 15, '22 In the last almost seven or so weeks these things happened. 1) Talked to my brother about a week after the original post to give myself time to think. I laid out several of the points expressed in the comments. He said its now his responsibility to support his wife even when she is mostly wrong. I said I was sorry to hear that, and informed him I am going LC (actually NC) with him. It upset him, especially when I would not respond to his texts or requests. I told him already he told me all I need to know. 2) My parents are really upset about this rift between me and my brother. I asked if they support his wife verbally attacking me, and they said no. I asked if it was fair people expected me to put up with it. They said no. I asked why my brother didn’t defend me against her attacks. They said nothing. I asked why they didn’t defend me. Mom cried and dad said we needed to talk about this later. Still waiting for the talk. 3) Mother’s Day included only me and my brother. SIL spent it with her mother. It was a tense – read TENSE – day. Brother and I hardly spoke. I made direct eye contact with him all day, he could not look me in the face for long. Parents tiptoed around the issue, but brother and I made an effort to be civil and shower mom with love. Brother looked really upset when he left after 4 hours to go get his wife and see his mother-in-law. I heard they planned on visiting my mom later in the evening after I left. 4) Memorial Day I did not show at my parents since brother and sister-in-law were going to be there. Mom asked for my coleslaw recipe, and I just ignored the request. Went to the house of a family friend (who happen to side with me on this), and they loved my coleslaw and Jell-O fruit salad (no, it is not a 1950s monstrosity). Parents were really upset I went there or anywhere instead of their house. I told them I didn’t go because we still needed to talk. Waiting to see what effect that produces. 5) Showed K (SIL’s brother) the post in Reddit after showing my brother. We sat and looked it over together. He got quite a kick out of a number of the suggestions. Then K asked why I thought we would not be romantically compatible. I explained the big one happened to be about religion. I’m an atheist and he’s a fairly devout christian. K then hit me with this line, and it stunned me:“I don’t judge people on their religion. I judge people on how the act and treat others. I know a lot of non-religious people who are better human beings that half the people who go to my church.” As result we’ve become closer friends (yes, with a lot of benefits… it was just too damn good the first time), but refrained from discussing entering into any formal relationship. We both agreed to just let the situation float along and see where we each are in three or four months. We have a good time together, and we are going to my family’s 4th of July party together… because They will be there. 6) We got matching mugs (after a Redditor suggestion). His says “I went to my sister’s wedding, and all I got was fucked.” Date at the bottom. Mine says the same with brother replacing sister. 7) K learned sister is pissed off because a number of the reception photos, some of her favorites, contain he and I leading our fun lives in the background She tried to get them airbrushed or edited, but all the people she talked to said it would look like garbage. She eliminated all but one of the photos from the album. One of the comments in the post predicted this, so kudos to that Redditor. 8) Father's Day is this Sunday, and I think it's going to be a repeat of Mother's Day. This will be hard on my dad since he always thought my brother and I would always be best friends. Brother and me usually splurge together for my dad, but this year I am going solo on the gift. I am pretty certain this will piss off my brother, but I haven't heard from him regarding the gift. Not a lot else to report. Again, HUGE thanks to this community for helping me better understand the dynamics at work. I lost a lot of respect (almost all) for my brother in our subsequent talks. SIL likes to trash talk both me and K (her brother) to anyone who will listen, and most people are telling her to get over it. Brother and SIL are looking to buy a house, but lack funds. Normally, my brother could turn to me for help, but that is not going to happen. &nbsp; [2nd Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/vuqjbl/update_update_aita_for_hooking_up_with_new_sils/) July 8, '22 Here is final update to this, and I am combining the Father’s Day and 4th of July into one post. I appreciate people are invested in this story, but now I feel like a ninth grader required to give a book report. Dad had a talk with me on the Friday before Father’s Day. He said both he and mom did not want to get involved in this “spat” between my brother and me. I asked if it was because he feared SIL would withhold the grandchildren from them, and he said no. He said, as parents, they did not want to show favoritism to one child. He agreed SIL acted despicably toward me, and he already talked to my brother twice about her actions: once before the wedding and once before Mother’s Day. My father would not divulge the content of those talks. My mother talked to me after Father’s Day. She said I had every right to be upset. She said thinks SIL is clearly in the wrong, but she also reiterated what my father said about showing favorites. I asked why she and my father didn’t defend me against what SIL did and said. My mother said I am the most capable person in the family in regard to self-defense, and I said that did not excuse her from protecting her child. My mother got really upset when I said that, and the talk quickly ended. Father’s Day turned out to be a very awkward occasion. We did celebrate him, but perhaps in our own ways. SIL again spent the day with her family or at least while I was at my parents’ house. I could tell Dad really wanted my brother and me to talk. I made an invitation to my brother, but he declined. He said I already knew his position on the matter. I responded he knew mine. Radio silence from that moment onward. I asked K if he was enjoying the drama surrounding this, and he said not really. K said he doesn’t like fighting with his siblings. It’s made interacting with his family very stressful. I also asked him if he made a plan for his sister’s wedding that involved to get some sort of revenge or payback. He said no. K stated he mostly wanted to introduce himself to me so neither us of felt completely alone at the wedding. He told me he did not expect to find a charming, witty, and intelligent man that seemed to understand him from the start (he honestly said that). K said the dancing and fun, and the rest of the night, happened organically. 4th of July was… very interesting. K joined me in attending the family celebration. I brought my coleslaw and K brought some of the best damn cornbread I ever tasted (he told me in private his grandmother made it). We acted like complete and utter gentlemen as agreed upon prior to attending, meaning we never hugged or kissed. I said our presence alone would incite his sister, and it did. We stayed affable and friendly with everyone else. K is a great joke teller. Some of the relatives asked about our relationship status, and we said just friends. My parents seemed relieved at my (our) restraint. A number of comments to the first Update suggested this, and I decided it was good advice. I am fairly certain SIL wanted us to be fondling and groping each other so she could call us out on it. I believe our reserved conduct further angered her earlyon. Also on the 4th, SIL made a little huffing noise every time she spotted either K or me. After about two hours of this, my brother told her to knock it off as it made her appear childish. My jaw hit the floor and rolled down the hall because he said it when he knew I could hear it. She looked incredibly pissed off by that, but she held her tongue. There is something else happening either around or between them, but I don’t have any details. SIL actually eased up throughout the rest of the day. We went to see a fireworks display in the evening, and that was the last I saw of her or my brother for the day. K and I sat next to each other during the show among my family. It was a good show. At this point my brother and I are not on speaking terms. He made his choice. He gets to make it. I get to make my choice. This looks to be the permanent state of the situation. My parents are not happy with this, but they believe (and have said) this is an issue we need to work out for ourselves. It would be too easy to accuse them of cowardice, but I don’t think it’s that anymore. They still treat me with love and respect. They tell me they disagree with SIL’s actions and positions. Mom said she told SIL not to act like she did on the 4th ever again. My mother can be really scary when she’s angry. I took to heart some people’s questions as to whether I am purposefully being antagonistic. Maybe a little? However, I feel like I am defending my place in the home of my parents against an interloper who quite literally destroyed the family dynamic (yes, I know my brother actually did). I fully plan on just ignoring her if we happen to be there at the same time. I refuse to avoid any family gatherings for her sake (great advice from Reddit). It’s my parents and my childhood home, not hers. Both she and my brother need to remember and respect that. K and I continue to be friends with a lot on the side. I don’t know where this is is heading, but I am enjoying where things stand and how it could develop. He seems to be enjoying it just as much. We’ve gone so far as to introduce each other to our friend groups. Some people say they get a boyfriend vibe from us, and some say they don’t. I honestly don’t feel like sex is at the center of our friendship (or whatever this is) anymore. He told me on July 6th he knew how his sister would and did treat me. K said he didn’t want me to have to face it alone like he did. He really is a very good friend. One final development from yesterday. My father asked me if I knew my brother and SIL were looking to buy a house. I told him I sort of figured that out on my own. Dad did not ask me about money, but I did say I would not be available to lend any monetary assistance. He said he understood. [For the record, I got a B.S. and M.S. that led a great job I got through nepotism (through an aunt). It pays very well, but it doesn’t put me in the very wealthy category. I just save money all the time and invest conservatively. I scrimp and save on everything. K calls me cheap, but smart.] I am fairly certain my brother is following these posts, so he would know how I reacted to all of this. I don’t believe my parents know about Reddit. If they do, they kept quiet about it. This will be the last update. I came to Reddit to get some sorely needed advice and perspective, and everyone came through. I cannot tell you how much Iappreciate the support internet strangers offered me as this unfolded over the past several months. They say blood is thicker than water, but so is chemical waste and dynamite. I am learning to put my family relationships on a more adult level, and Reddit helped me a lot. Peace and love to all. THANKS! &nbsp; [3rd Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/106r5ac/sils_gay_brother_and_me/) Jan 8, '23 So, me and my brother haven't spoken to or seen each other since November 2nd. He sent me a text asking if I could give him some money to help with a down payment for a new house. He said "give" and not loan. I whipped up a loan contract and sent it to him. He got mad and complained with my dad who told him it was unrealistic to borrow a large sum of money from me. My brother called me an a-hole for not giving him the money because he believes I can afford it. He never even said please. We're done as brothers after that. Brother and I now split holidays with our parents. We're never there at the same time. This makes our mom really sad, and our dad isn't happy with it either. However, they do understand and -- although they never said it out loud -- I know they eventually sided with me on this. My SIL is just a horrific homophobe. We know this because of stories K told us about growing up with her (and his family is not really peachy either). As many Redditors predicted, K and I did become a couple. We figured that out right after Halloween when we realized we each stopped dating because we always hung out together. K all but moved into my apartment by Halloween. He spent more time there than at his parent's house. He moved in full-time just before Thanksgiving. He is so easy to live with, and the adjustment was never difficult for either of us. Apparently his sister and most of his family are really, really pissed off he is living with me and we're a couple. Who cares, right? Fuck them. K and I spent most of Thanksgiving and most of Christmas with my mom and dad. Mom said she's glad she doesn't have to pretend anymore that K and I aren't together. They really like him. K loves my folks. I think he's using me to get to them (just kidding). We went to a great New Year's party at a friend's house. Everyone there who knows us knew we'd become a couple. They said it was one of deals that just looked so obvious. I feel kind of stupid for trying to ignore the fact he and I just got along so well together. I'm pretty much a fool in love. So, kind of split down the middle. Lost my brother, but got a great boyfriend. Parents still refrain from telling me or my brother how we need to act toward each other. I can't see my relationship with my brother ever getting fixed unless... well, I do want him to be as happy as he can be. Peace to everyone. For those of you who predicted these outcomes, I guess it was kind of transparent and I was kind of being willfully ignorant. Thanks to all on Reddit! (K says hello as he's watching me write this.) &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 [4th Update](https://reddit.com/r/askgaybros/s/udjiSHZth3) Sept 19, '23 **UPDATE: SIL’s Gay Brother and Me** **NOTE**: DO NOT USE MY POSTS, any of my responses, or my personal story for any film, television, podcast, blog, or any other form of media entertainment. This goes for TikTok as well! Bastards! TLDR; Borther and I still not talking. SIL remains what she is. Mom and Dad unhappy, but understand. K and I are forging a really good relationship. In other words, not much has changed. Although I am avoiding Reddit due to their recent and nasty policy changes regarding 3rd party apps, I checked and saw a number of replies to the original posts over the past 8 months since I last posted. I figured a small update is in order since people seem interested. My brother and I still do not talk. He got really mad at me when he made a bid on a house and lost out because he couldn’t come up with enough down payment. He blamed this on me because I wouldn’t give him the money. My parents were furious with him when he publicly made these accusations. Most of our side of the family know he is full of crap, and no one blames me for not loaning him the money. Our parents pulled out their donation portion as a result… and my brother blamed this on me as well. Now, brother and SIL need to come up with the down payment all on their own. I heard SIL got some money from her parents to help, but it all got spent on trying to bring down her debts. Her debts are killing them when added onto my brother’s debts. They don’t seem very good with money. Despite that, K and I hear they are still happy together. I wouldn’t know since I only ran into my brother once on Mother’s Day, and that was a tense event. Father’s Day, Fourth of July and Labor Day got spent separately with my parents. The same is going to be true for Thanksgiving and Festivus. My parents and I are still very tight. As this situation progressed, they a good look at SIL in action. She’s not really welcome at their home anymore unless she is with my brother. I think I read this first on Reddit, but I advised my parents to “…believe the person when they show you their true face.” They are afraid my brother isn’t really happy since he is also losing some of his oldest and closest friends, although that could be the result of them still being single. It’s hard to evaluate from a distance. K says brother/SIL spend the majority of their social time with K’s and SIL’s family. K gets reports from one of his aunts since he is now persona non grata (I had to look that phrase up) with his family because he is “living completely in sin” with me. He says it’s fine since my parents have really taken to him. They like K a lot, and they’ve gone so far as to tell him it doesn’t matter if he is dating me as he’ll always be welcome at their home. He goes over there on his own at times. I think that is so cool! K and I remain happy together. After the first couple of months, we needed to really figure out what our relationship is all about. There were a few really tense times during that period, but friends reminded us we needed to openly and honestly communicate every single day. That is the magic of any relationship from what I can figure out. We clearly spell out what we expect from each other, and that helps us keep everything nice and level. We work because we work at it. Sometimes I think what it boils down to is that I just like K a lot. He would be my friend even if we weren’t dating and living together. He told me he feels the same way and thinks the whole liking aspect is probably pretty significant. I agree, and I just like being around him as much as I can. I found out my dad and mom give really, truly great advice. I understand my parents’ relationship so much better than I ever did, and it’s becoming model for me. They remain sad and disheartened about the schism between me and my brother, but they also understand I should not be treated like garbage. They encourage both K and me to stay true to ourselves, but be realistic about what we want individually and together. I haven’t asked, but I wonder if they ever gave the same advice to my brother. I think they would. He probably didn’t listen because “he’s in love.” The long and short of it is not much changed in the past eight months or so. Although I tried to initiate a brief conversation with my brother on Mother’s Day, his anger and bitterness toward me cause I won’t give him house money seems to be the top issue with him. My mom said he feels like I’m not really considering his position (and she could not tell me that with a straight face). I honestly don’t understand how anyone can act like he did toward me and then expect me to just roll over and do what they want. Not sure things are ever going to right between us. It still makes me sad, and I miss the old relationship with my brother. But I’ve got other things to look forward to and people who make me happy. Like my dad likes to tell me and K, we still have a lot of life left to live. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for Hooking Up with New SIL’s Brother? - New Update

NEW UPDATE

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/178wzqn/aita_for_hooking_up_with_new_sils_brother_new/

178xar5

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/whatever--whenever **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **AITA for not wanting to have lunch on Saturdays with my grandparents anymore?** Trigger Warnings: >!controlling behavior and emotional manipulation!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/172dj3h/aita_for_not_wanting_to_have_lunch_on_saturdays/?share_id=NdiY2xVxIgFxGT7fDmhXN&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 7, 2023** My husband (23M) and I (23F) moved a few months ago back to the city where I grew up. Specifically, we moved pretty close to my grandparents. My grandparents had been alone for many years since all their children and grandchildren had ended up moving away for different reasons quite far from where they live, so knowing that we were going to move near them was a great joy for them, especially for my grandmother. My grandparents were so excited about it that they asked us to please see each other at least once a week so they could have regular contact with us. My husband and I work from Monday to Friday so we decided to dedicate part of our Saturdays to spending time with my grandparents. We talked to them and came to the conclusion that we would spend Saturday mornings with them at their house and have lunch together. My grandmother was fascinated by the idea since she LOVES to cook, she has always told us how much cooking de-stresses and relaxes her and how she almost couldn't do it because it was just the two of them and she hardly needed to cook. We still asked them to please let us know if they needed us to bring the food and/or dessert on any Saturday to prevent my grandmother from cooking too much. My grandmother told us that she didn't need us to do that at all and she asked us not to even mention the fact that we brought food on a Saturday. Despite all this, my grandfather didn't seem to have any problem with this, so we started going to see them every Saturday. The first few months everything seemed to be going great, we really enjoyed each other's company and we took the opportunity to help my grandparents with many of their technological problems, such as how to use their smart TV or mobile phones properly. However, as time went by my grandfather began to make some comments behind my grandmother's back such as that "it was too much for her to have to cook for 4 people every week" or that "they didn't have that much money to spend in that much food every week". I have to clarify that my grandparents have a fairly high standard of living and that money is the LEAST of their worries. My husband and I somewhat ignored his comments since my grandmother seemed very happy and she always let us know how having us there every Saturday helped her improve a lot with her depression. However, 2 months ago my grandfather asked us one Saturday afternoon after lunch to go with him to the city center. When we were about to go back to our house, he told us that we couldn't continue like this and that my grandmother was really being affected by our weekly Saturday visit. He basically made us understand that it was OUR FAULT that my grandmother was more tired, sad and depressed. As if my husband and I were being a "burden" to them. My husband and I told him that we could change our weekly visit to monthly and that we could bring food for everyone. My grandfather asked us to be the ones to tell my grandmother and made us promise to never tell her that he had talked to us about this topic. That same day at night my grandfather called us and told us to please not stop going every week because my grandmother was going to go into an even greater depression if we stopped going My husband and I didn't know what to do and began to feel quite uncomfortable on our weekly visit to their house. Three weeks ago my grandfather came to our house to talk "some things" with us. He told us that he had tried in every way to please everyone but that it was definitely too much of an expense for them to have us there every Saturday and that we had to stop going every week. My husband and I agreed in a coordinated manner. After all, we were finally going to be able to have Saturdays free for ourselves, so we didn't give the matter any more importance. On Friday of that same week my grandparents called me on speaker to ask us what we wanted to eat the next day at their house. I couldn't believe it! I told them in a polite way that we wouldn't be able to go to lunch with them for several weeks but that we would stop by on Sundays to see them quickly in the morning. When I hung up the phone I received a message from my grandfather letting me know "how disappointed he was in me for making my grandmother feel so bad about our weekly meal at their house". I sent him a voice note telling him that we were going to be busy on Saturdays for real and that I was just doing what he asked of us. My grandfather deleted the messages from our conversation on WhatsApp. Since then (3 weeks ago) we have not gone to eat at their house again. My parents and my husband say I'm right but a part of me feels bad that my grandmother believes that we are the ones who don't want to go and be with them when in reality it is my grandfather who has forced us to take this step. AITA? UPDATE: I'm meeting my grandmother tomorrow to talk, I told her I'll take her shopping and we'll go out for breakfast. I'll update you with whatever happens next! UPDATE 2: I must clarify that I have tried to invite them home several times and my grandfather has refused, giving my grandmother excuses as to why they couldn't come. We've invited them to lunch at our house and even offered to pick them up and take them back home so they didn't have to drive. But my grandfather literally told us that he doesn't feel comfortable eating food that isn't made by my grandmother or a restaurant! I should also clarify that I always help my grandmother cook while I am there. I have tried to bring food twice and it has resulted in great anger from my grandmother (saying that she does NOT want us to bring anything) and a look of disgust from my grandfather towards the food we have brought. I know firsthand that his financial situation is good because my grandfather usually asks me for help with his phone and he almost always leaves his bank application open, so I have perfectly seen the money he has in ONE of his banks and it is A LOT. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/173sep1/update_aita_for_not_wanting_to_have_lunch_on/?share_id=FIKz13GWzMspuYZ0QnlRh&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 9, 2023** Yesterday I went out with my grandmother in the morning. I didn't really know how to approach the subject but I finally found the time to tell her EVERYTHING. She didn't believe me at all when I told her, in fact she told me that she had only agreed to leave the house with me because she thought that my husband and I didn't want to have lunch with them again. We decided to go to my grandparents' house so we could all talk there. Luckily my grandfather didn't deny anything that happened but it was evident that he is more than upset with me. My grandmother is VERY angry with him. I can't help but feel bad thinking that I could be the culprit of that anger. My grandmother spoke clearly to all of us. She let us know that she doesn't enjoy going out that much and that's why she would prefer for lunches with them to be there at her house. She also told us that she doesn't want food or money from us since she only enjoys the simple fact that I help her cook and that we can all enjoy that meal. She told us that she wants those weekly lunches but that if ever my husband and I can't go, that's okay. She told my grandfather that she felt disappointed with his attitude. Everything seemed to be understood and my husband and I went home. I called my parents and told them what happened. After talking to them I am SURE that my grandfather does not have any mental problems or dementia. He is simply a very unfamiliar person who hardly enjoys spending time with his family. He is quite hypocritical and really only cares about himself. My parents have suffered too much from his attitudes. They even told me how my grandfather had let my father sleep for 3 days on the street since he wouldn't allow him to enter his house for not cutting his hair like he had told him (my father was 21 years old at the time!). So my grandfather's personality just sucks. I had always known that he was a bit strange, he has always had favorite children and less favorite children (same with his grandchildren). My family and I are definitely not one of his "favorites." I understand that he is still my grandfather and I am not going to cut off my relationship with him because of it but I am definitely not going to allow certain attitudes on his part and even more so after knowing the HELL he put my parents through. So for now, Saturday lunches will continue to happen every week at my grandmother's request. I know that my grandparents have not spoken to each other since the conversation we had yesterday so I do not know how long this angry situation between them will last and how long my grandfather's anger towards my husband and me will last. If anything else happens, I'll keep you guys posted. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for not wanting to have lunch on Saturdays with my grandparents anymore?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/178xar5/aita_for_not_wanting_to_have_lunch_on_saturdays/

178xb8k

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwawayAITA-SISTER **Would I be the AH if I exposed my sister’s affair to her husband?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **Thanks to u/hephaystus for help with the relevant comments** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, emotional manipulation, depression and domestic violence!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/8Cnmcy5pR2) **Oct 5, 2023** I (f30) caught my sister (f40) cheating on her husband (m49) with a guy (m40). I was shocked because my sister and her husband are the epitome for love that never dies. Literally. They have been together for 15 years and they still look so much in love, the way they treat each other. I felt anger and despair because I love BIL as a big brother and he has been there for my sister when she been her worst mentally. He was there taking care of her without ever once complaining. Now I found out I confronted her and she tried to deny it. I told her that she was pathetic and now she felt good about herself, after her husband nursed her back to health, she is paying him with cheating on him. I told her I was going to expose her and she was begging me and crying telling me I didn’t understand. “Please don’t hurt us, you will be hurting my husband more that you hurt me” After a few days she asked to meet me. She looked like she was crying the whole time. She told me that she has been keeping her husband’s secret but she wanted to tell me and made me promise not to tell anyone. Her husband is impotent and he hasn’t slept with her for the majority of their relationship. I didn’t believe her so she showed me all the texts and emails she had with her husband, her therapist and her diary. He hasn’t touched her for almost 12 years. Her depression was because of it and her “back to health” was because of this new guy. She said that since she started sleeping with him she has been happier and by extension her marriage and husband have been happier. I asked her why she doesn’t just tell her husband, she said that she couldn’t because she loves him and she couldn’t hurt him. She is afraid he would be so lonely without her because he always said he had no one else in this world and he would die without her. “Don’t you see that we are all happy? Please don’t hurt us” About the guy. She met him through work and actually he is kind of a famous entrepreneur in our city. She showed me texts etc. he is also married but he has three children. He has the same problem with his sexless marriage. Yesterday she asked me to meet her. She was with him, the audacity. She looked totally broken and he looked smug and angry and he didn’t even want to look at me. She asked me to think of all the people that would be hurt if this came out and she said that they will end their affair and promised to never do it again. He got upset and said “Or we could just tell everyone and stop hiding”. She got angry and told him to shut up. I don’t know what to do. She said that she kept her husband’s secret because he is embarrassed and he is very possessive and jealous (I have noticed he is the jealous type) so he didn’t agree to open marriage. She swore it was over with this other guy too and showed me texts where they had huge fight because he actually thinks I should tell her husband so they could be together but I don’t know. He has given her a Cartier love ring that she still has and when I confronted her she said she couldn’t throw an expensive ring but she will donate it. She wears it in a chain underneath her clothes. I’m sorry this is getting long but I wanted to include all details. Hope you can give me an honest judgment. Would I be the asshole if I told my sister’s husband? I think this whole thing is wrong and the cheated parties need to know the truth but it will hurt BIL. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **OOP ON REPSPONDING TO THE BIL BEING CONTROLLING AND ABUSIVE** [Here](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/b8fUSK7PfE) >He is not abusing her. About 5 years ago he slapped her while angry and she made his life living hell by leaving and not telling him or any of us where she was. He was so broken and he apologized for weeks before she forgave him. She has a hard boundary about abuse and he found out the hard way. He would never hurt her again. **ON BIL SLAPPING HIS WIFE** [Here](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/rVZ381ZcwN) >She said it was just a slap when they were arguing and she disrespected him and said something hurtful. She didn’t say any details other than this back then but I’m guessing it was about sex and his impotent that she must’ve said something hurtful. >I’m NOT defending him slapping her but just retelling my sister’s version. It wasn’t abuse and he has never laid his hand on her before or after. She didn’t consider it hitting or beating just a slap when he was angry. Her words not mine >She left him and he learned the severity of what he did and was very remorseful and he apologized a million times. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/YlCEQs9dr6) **Oct 6, 2023** I just want to come here and update everyone that I have told my BIL about the affair. I have read all your comments and thank you very much for the insight. I had to do what would make me sleep at night. I love my sister but she must’ve known that I couldn’t just live with the guilt. I have been cheated on by someone I loved and I know how shitty and selfish you must be to cheat. I also know that if I could do it again, I would want to know this time too because while the pain was enormous, I still feel lucky now that I found out. My sister has called me like 20 times but I didn’t answer. She texted me, “Do you feel better right now? How could you do this to me? I loved you, you ruined my life” I didn’t answer her. I wanted to answer her that she was the one who ruined her life but I didn’t answer her. My parents are shocked and angry but not with me. BIL called and told them everything and he talked about plans that maybe my sister and he will move back to his hometown. He is devastated and broken. I hope they can move on from this together or separately, it doesn’t matter. But that they move on and find real happiness and not at the cost of other people like it is now [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/PHd8aQsJuj) **Oct 9, 2023** Still getting a lot of messages about an update about my sister and her situation. I thank you for being so sympathetic and worried about my sister. I might have painted my brother in law to be abusive to my sister and I regret that. I just wanted to be as transparent as I could because they’re not here to tell their side of the story so I was trying to do my best to take in my sister’s and her husband’s POV. They are fine. My brither in law is very hurt and destroyed but he assured me that he wasn’t angry with me and that I did the right thing. Truth hurts sometimes is what he said. He’s planning on taking a break from his work and maybe go back home for a while. My sister is fine and not hurt. She doesn’t talk to me and I get that, but she is not harmed in anyway more than her heart, but let’s face it it was of her own doing, and I think she knows that because that’s what she told my parents. her husband has suggested that they moved back to his hometown because I don’t think he can trust her staying in the same city as her lover, and as he said he can’t follow and spy on her all his life, but he is willing to forgive her because he loves her. My parents are very angry with my sister. They are not angry with me, however. The only thing they thought I could have done right or. The only thing they thought I could have done right differently is that I should have told them before I told my brother-in-law, because then they could they would have their own way to make my sister admit what she’s done to her husband at least it would have come from her. As her lover, I don’t know he’s married as I said in my previous post. I don’t have the details, but I know that my brother-in-law has texted him and told him to keep away from his wife. I have been on both his and his wife’s Instagram accounts and it seems like the wife knows now I don’t know if she will take him back or not I have been on both his and his wife’s Instagram accounts and it seems like the wife knows now I don’t know if she will take him back or not the way he acted. the way he acted on our meeting, he didn’t seem to care either way. Boy, I hope he doesn’t have a prenup, and she takes him for all he got. That’s all I have for today. I want be making these frequent updates. If anything of significance happens will be updating in the future but right now I’m logging off. Thank you for listening. And thank you all who supporting me. I know what I did wasn’t the nicest or the kindest to my most beloved sister, but I had to do what I believed to be right and you don’t have to do with me. Peace and love **ADDITIONAL COMMENT FROM OOP** [Comment](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/8cxQ2gg6fN) When I told her that I’m going to tell him she never once told me she was scared of him or that he would hurt her. This after she was willing to divulge his biggest secret If he is secretly abusive too why didn’t she tell me? She tried everything to emotionally manipulate me into not exposing her. Hell, even not abused women would have used this excuse to silence others and believe me. She did everything to manipulate me to feel sorry for her. Abuse would have worked Just answer me this simple question. I beg you **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Would I be the AH if I exposed my sister’s affair to her husband?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/178xb8k/would_i_be_the_ah_if_i_exposed_my_sisters_affair/

178xbls

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/MousyShallan **Thank you to** u/Direct-Caterpillar77 **for suggesting this to the BoRU** **My dad is pretending I'm not getting married** **Originally posted to** r/weddingdrama Trigger Warnings: >!Infidelity, controlling behavior, emotional abuse, child neglect, and behavioral manipulation!< &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/11l1dv9/my_dad_is_pretending_im_not_getting_married/?share_id=ufSuIymAmY1CdzHygOy-g&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) \- **March 8, 2023** So my dad has always been a very 'show off' person- announcements about grades, telling everyone how great his daughters are doing, telling off my sister for having a job he 'cant show off'. When he divorced from my mom he was a good parent for a while and then he met Eva. Eva is way younger, has had a lot of work done and used to send him flirty messages when he was still married. They got married very early on in the relationship because 'they've known each other ages'. She told him not to text us too much because we are adults, she checks his phone all the time, she forbade him from seeing us Christmas day or St Stephens day because he needed to be with 'his new family ' and it would have been disrespectful to her for him to see his ex wife and she's overall been an absolute nightmare. And he follows everything she tells him to do. Now I'm getting married and told my dad he's invited but she's not. I've met the woman once and I don't like her, plus I know my father isn't a great person and he'd be making jabs at my mom about being older than Eva etc. To make it fair my mom's boyfriend is also not invited although he's a sweetheart. My dad's answer to my invite has been to pretend nothing is happening. I sent him a save the date and he sent me a thumbs up emoji. He hasn't asked me one question about the wedding, not even the venue, even though he told me shortly before meeting Eva that he was looking forward to me and my sister getting married and how excited he was. Myself and my fiancee are different religions and cultures so everyone's had lots of questions about how we are handling that. Turns out he hasn't told Eva I'm getting married and he hasn't told anyone else so he is just planning to say he has a work trip and come to the wedding. I don't actually think he's going to show up, I think he will say he is going to and then not show at the last minute but my sister thinks he'll show up with her and make a whole scene because he told her Eva 'has just as much right to be there as your mom' (?????) Anyone else dealt with something similar? Do I need a backup to walk me down the aisle? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **SailorSpyro:** *I just want to point out that your dad is in an abusive relationship. His new wife is cutting him off from his family, his support system, so she can have more control over him. He probably won't be allowed to go to the wedding because she's not invited, and probably wouldn't have been allowed to even if she was.* *Your dad is an ass all on his own, but i think it's important to recognize that he's still capable of being abused and that it's happening.* >**OOP:** > >Yes they both suck, he has always been a cheater (at least 3 other women during the span of 10 years that we have evidence of) and I think (no evidence) he was cheating on my mom with her so that's why she's constantly monitoring his phone and not allowing him to leave the house. > >We told him not to marry her and that her behaviour is very concerning but he seems very blind. **Grumpysmiler** *It sounds like he wants to come and he knows the only way him coming without his wife is possible is if he lies about it. He's risking getting "caught" to be able to go, which speaks volumes about their relationship but if she checks his phone you're causing further risk of her finding out if you keep messaging him about the wedding: stick to phone calls so there's no record. I hope he can make it and there's no drama* >**OOP:** > >I rang him the first time to tell him I was getting married and then sent him the save the date the second time asking if he was coming, I didn't know that he hadn't told her at the time. > >I've no idea why the wife wouldn't let him go to his daughter wedding though it she's as amazing as he says... &nbsp; **ON WHY HIS MOMS BOYFRIEND ISNT INVITED** >Far more drama if I include him and exclude Eva, it's not worth the headache > >He will for sure not show up if I invite my mom's boyfriend and not his wife, my mom understands that even though my dad is not the best dad ever I still want him there. > >They aren't together that long so she's ok with her boyfriend staying at home, plus then he can stay with the dogs and she doesn't have to worry about getting a dog sitter (most of the family is going as well so there's nobody to look after them) &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/1743kxt/update_my_dad_is_pretending_im_not_getting_married/) \- **Oct 9, 2023** So it turns out my dad ended up telling Eva about my wedding and telling her that she WAS invited to the wedding to avoid problems, she got herself a dress, booked a hotel etc. My dad tried to convince me to invite her but his biggest 'selling' point was that he thought it'd be an amazing time to introduce Eva to my mom and my mom's whole family (why would he think my mom want to meet this woman is beyond me) and that she would feel excluded otherwise. He always rubs in our faces his new family (even calling it his new family), keeps cancelling every dinner he sets up with my sister due to some 'emergency' involving Eva or tells us to call Eva mom (both me and my sister are wayyyy beyond the point of calling some randomer mom since we both moved out and he's being ridiculous). He called me again and again trying to convince me and I said no, explaining that I knew the only reason he wanted to bring his wife to the wedding was to upset mom and that I wasn't going to let the two of them do that (he makes jabs at my mom every time he's around her about how great his new wife is). I thought the whole thing was over until I sent him some information about the wedding and I guess he started feeling guilty and told us that he booked the flight for Eva as well, AND he booked himself on the same flight as my mom (changed his whole flight plans just so he could be on the flight with her) so that my mom and Eva could 'still meet' (aka he could still rub his new wife in her face and try and screw with my mom's head by putting her down and making comparisons) and then Eva would just go off and shop while he was at the cerimony (I'm not sure if this is true or if he was gonna try and bring her to the wedding and hope she didn't get kicked out). I'm trying to convince my mom to change her flight so he can't get inside her head 12 hours before the wedding. I don't know if I should uninvite him **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Zoeyfiona** *Omg yes. What has your mom done to you that you’d facilitate hurting her? Why does he know so many details of your mom’s travel plans?* >**OOP:** > >She is the main reason I haven't uninvited him yet she keeps saying I need to have a relationship with him and being more understanding, he knows becsuse he asked and we figured he was trying to AVOID being on the same flight as her edit: wrong word &nbsp; **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

My dad is pretending I'm not getting married

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/178xbls/my_dad_is_pretending_im_not_getting_married/

178xde0

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/thecorvidscall **AITA for Curating My Mother's YouTube Reels?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional abuse and manipulation, controlling behavior, anti-LGBTQIA views, physical abuse!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/LE0AiTWeoi) **Oct 6, 2023** Backstory: My (gen-x) mother and I (zillennial) generally have a good relationship. In this way, the emotional crutch middle child and their trauma-riddled workaholic parent can. She has always claimed that I could tell her anything but due to a mix of refusing to 'be a burden' and attempting to tell her about something only to be shot down harshly, I just don't share certain things with her. She has always been a bit sensitive about LGBTQIA+ topics (mostly the LBT), to the point that she and I got into a verbal argument that escalated to her putting her hands on me and trying to push me around. I am half a foot taller than her and significantly healthier, so bar a couple of bruises where she grabbed my arms I was fine. But the incident shocked both of us as, as I said, we generally get along well and have never fought before. This led to me setting a hard boundary about what topics we can and can't talk about. I also decided to put off telling her I am non-binary or explicitly telling her I am bi (pretty sure she knows but I have never come out to her). After this, our relationship was back to normal. She avoided saying anything negative about LBT topics for a while and then started hesitantly asking questions on basic subtopics relating the LGBTQIA+. Last spring my landlord raised my rent and while I could afford it I ended out moving back home. My mom and step-dad started having financial troubles so we concluded it would be better for everyone if I moved home and turned the second floor into an apartment. My rent would be half what it was before, I would have more space, I loved the area, and me and my parents were getting along. I moved back about mid-spring, however until the renovations are done I have been on my mom's couch. The Story: My mom got really into YouTube reels at the beginning of the summer. She doesn't have headphones and she plays the vids at full volume so you can hear them from everywhere in the house. Which is annoying as I didn't have a room to go to to get away from it. What is worse, she managed to fall into the alt-right rabbit hole and so her reels are all "gender critical" and anti-feminist content. Since I was the person she talked to the most she talked to me about them. I ended out playing disinformation corrector and while she won't argue with me she will pull the "agree to disagree" or say anecdotal evidence in response to actual medical/statistical info and change the topic. On top of that she watched these reels for hours in places like the kitchen and living room as early as 3:30 a.m. while I was trying to sleep and this has led me to start having disturbing dreams featuring anti-LGBTQIA+ discrimination. Then about a month and a half ago she needed to use my laptop for something. When she gave it back I noticed she hadn't signed out of her Google account. So I decided to take the opportunity to curate my mother's reels. I didn't block anything, just followed some more wholesome accounts I knew were centered around things she likes. Thing like funny/uplifting animals, science fact pages, specific home/garden stuff, etc. And 2 pro-LGBTQIA+ info channels. Which basically drowned out the alt-right content as she hadn't learned how to subscribe. After that, her an I were having in-depth conversation again and both of us were in noticeably better places mentally. A week later the major renovations got done and I had my own space again while still talking to my mom daily. However, last week I was watching Netflix on my laptop with my older sister (millennial), younger sister (gen-z), and my female cousin (zillenial) and they saw I was still logged on to her YouTube. When they asked why I told them the truth. My little sister loved it and laughed saying thanks cause she was home for the summer and didn't want to hear that rehoric as background noise either. Then my older sister laughed but said I probably should have just sucked it up. While my cousin said I was an @sshole cause I violated my moms trust and privacy over something and that I could have just stuck it out. Since then I have been feeling kinda guilty and wondering if I crossed a line. So AITA? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Ready_Competition_66** >Yeah, you did cross a line. You didn't "curate" which implies consent. You violated her privacy by snooping at her choices and then you changed up all her preferences on her WITHOUT her consent. >I'm sure she'll be fine if you ask her. Which is WHO you should be talking to - not us. >I'm guessing that you'd rather get our (expected) blessing rather than actually talking it out with her. It's pretty clear why, too. You don't want to deal with the blowback. >As a gay man, I can totally understand the pain of dealing with a phobic, bigoted parent. I just don't condone trying to fix it by violating privacy and consent. You're no better than some of the people she follows by doing that. **OOP replied** >>I actually told her the day after I posted it. Tbh it was more to vent the situation and get any potential advice (which I assumed would be geared towards telling her). I however do not believe I snooped into anything. We common share the laptop and have used each others YouTube prior. I never opened anything that we have not knowingly allowed each other to open. As well as she does not hide the videos she is watching even in the slightest and is now even referencing them in direct conversation. >>Also, and I know that this is a semantic issue but curate does not inherently imply consent. It does imply in this context that I felt my opinion on what my mom would like to see and should see in her reels was well-informed. Which the assumption of the last part was crossing the line, even if I only subbed the LGBTQIA+ informational content because she was asking me questions. Perhaps the word colloquially carries that implication in your region but it does not in mine. I actually chose the word because I thought it best described what occurred which was me searching and collecting/selecting, and then presenting what I believed was what she would like to and benefit seeing in her reels. My major fault is when I decided I was qualified to decide what she would benefit from and that the presentation was forced. >>HOWEVER, despite the fact that when I told her she did not care, ultimately I agree I did cross a line by not immediately telling her. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/9Ft2tj28FY) **Sept 9, 2023** So I told my mom what I did a day after posting on here. I couldn't shake the feeling that doing this without her knowledge and with the feeling that I was well informed on what would benefit her to see. She didn't care. Just asked how to subscribe to channels. I showed her and she is now subscribed to quite a few popular alt-right mouthpieces so that's bitter as before when her reel feed was based only on likes there was at least a chance she wasn't going to be seeing them daily. Plus their rhetoric is now being parroted at me despite trying to restate my boundaries of what I am not willing to talk about with her. Tbh I have concluded that I just need to deal with my mom being one of those "I'm not homophobic/misogynist/racist BUT [...]" kind of people and am going to impose a bit of distance. It will take a bit to get used to not having tea + discussion time with my mom nearly daily but I will survive. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for Curating My Mother's YouTube Reels?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/178xde0/aita_for_curating_my_mothers_youtube_reels/

178y7a2

These posts were made by Burneraccount-909876, almost entirely in r/EntitledPeople. it’s been a while since I’ve compiled a BORU post and my date calculating skills are a bit rusty, so please let me know if I screwed the date calculation up. [PART 1]( https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zmzs61/the_story_of_oops_very_entitled_inlaws_part_1/), [PART 2]( https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zmztmz/the_story_of_oops_very_entitled_inlaws_part_2/), [PART 3]( https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zmzvwr/the_story_of_oops_very_entitled_inlaws_part_3/), [PART 4]( https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zmzxd6/the_story_of_oops_very_entitled_inlaws_part_4/), [PART 5]( https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zmzyx3/the_story_of_oops_very_entitled_inlaws_part_5/) TLDR for the first 5 parts: >!OOP and her husband are very wealthy between a combination of career and investment choice that paid out well. Once OOP’s in-laws learned about the money, they started wanting free handouts, resorting to criminal acts and n their efforts. Restraining orders have been handed out as needed, and there is an ongoing court case regarding said criminal acts.!< Trigger warning: >!violence and mentions of violence!< I made some minor formatting edits, but everything else I pasted exactly as-is. [**How it goes with the rest of the family**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/zqstrd/how_it_goes_with_the_rest_of_the_family/), posted 20 December 2022 A lot of people are asking me about the trial. LF advised not to post anything about in on social media so I won't until I can. What I can tell you is how the contact with other relatives are at the moment. Quick Recap: Blabbermouth blabbed her mouth to her and Hubby's aunts, uncles and cousins. They started to harass us and demanded money. One uncle slapped me in the face and got the name LLTU, little love tap uncle. He got to meet a judge, lots of family members got a nice piece of paper that screamed 'NO CONTACT'! and since they do have some respect for it and perhaps us, we haven't heard a thing. The NC orders against Hubby's relatives have not been renewed. There was legally no reason for it. We have slowly begun to have contact again. We went to some (socially distanced) birthday parties and although it was very awkward in the beginning, it's been sort of all right. At the first gathering (after COVID restrictions were lifted) LLTU came up to me and asked if he could say something. Hubby and children were standing close for obvious reasons. He apologised profusely and he said that if I didn't want anything to do with him, he would understand. He started talking and explaining his behaviour to me in person. It sounded sincere in the beginning but after a while I did ream into him after he tried shifting the blame onto Blabbermouth and me. I told him (mostly verbatim) 'No, it was your own doing that you never picked up the phone to talk to us and clear the air. It was your own doing that you drove all the way to my home and wait for me. It was your own doing screaming and yelling insults at me. It was your own doing that you slapped me. Your greed was what drove you, not Blabbermouth or me. You found out I had lots of money and you wanted it. You are an adult, take responsibility for your own actions. You could have chosen different actions that would have lead to a different outcome. Don't blame your greed on anyone else.' He fell silent and said that I was right. They all say they understand now why they were never told. It wasn't that we didn't want to help, but more that we didn't wanted to be seen as some ATM they could get money from when they felt like it. Some other family members and I have been discussing investing and discovering more ways and actually, it's really fun. Some family members have come to ask me for budgetting advice as well. I have a knack for that from the time Hubby and I had financial challenges. We keep conversation light. I'm still wary of them and they know. Will it be as it was? No, I have no illusions about that anymore. They show respect but they also know that Hubby and I won't hesitate anymore to throw the proverbial (law) book at them in every way possible if they cross the line. Also, we still suspect they try to get on our good side for money. We have not started any other college funds for other relatives. We won't do that at all. There was a cousin who asked for a certified loan. When asked for details we got some shady story so we denied it. He sulked a bit but that was that. I think he was reminded of all the horrors that could come his way. My own family members have been harassing my parents and brother as well. After I found out, they received a letter telling them in no uncertain terms to cut the crap. They entitled ones have kept a low profile since. Snide remarks have been made but ah well, pick your battles. My parents handle them like a champ and since my brother is tall, strong and has a 'take no crap' attitude they don't dare mess with him. I did pay for some security measures at my parents' place. The reason is twofold. First one is that I don't want history to repeat itself. In case some of my cousins do a 'Blabbermouth/EC combo' I want everything caught on tape. Second is that my parents are getting older and there have been break ins and people forcing themselves in the homes of elderly people. If either happens I want a clear shot of the faces so that FrouFrou and LeFou can chase their behinds to a nice cell. My brother already has security measures so he doesn't need it. He is grateful that LF sent some family members a warning. Our relationship has changed. My brother and SIL knew that we had money but after all that happened at the beginning they started to realise it was more than they thought. They are happy for us but when we go out to eat or do something as a family they make sure to pay for something. My brother has said that although they are grateful for what we did, he doesn't want us to think that they use us for our money. It makes things weird sometimes. Especially if we say it's our treat because of a birthday or something. Still, the gesture feels so good after all that we've been through. So that is the update concerning the family members. Life has somewhat returned to normal. The children are still nervous from time to time. Hubby has his good and bad days. I don't have any health concerns. I still need some medicine but physical therapy and dog walks have improved my health very much. [**How CoddleMum got hit in the face**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/11r49pt/how_coddlemum_got_hit_in_the_face/), posted 25 March 2023 Dear Reddit family and friends, Trial is still ongoing so no updates for that. I do have an update on CoddleMum (CM) CoddleMum is EC's entitled mother. She was the one agreeing with him, that I should have done what he told me to do and all that nonsense. You might remember the time she came to our door without us at home and threatened to file fake charges and CPS reports. Well, she did just that. She filed the fake CPS charges. For those who don't know, we have our country's CPS involved. They and our family's physician guide/help our children after the attempted abduction and we were established as fit parents as part of the investigation. When CM threatened to call CPS on us for fake charges, we send a copy of the video to them. CPS (or our country's version of them) called us to say that they had received 'anonymous reports' about child abuse and abandonment. Since we had an appointment already they came over and assessed everything. We understand they have to take everything and every report seriously. Nothing came of it and they have the 'anonymous person' on file in case of other false accusations/ reports are called in. But since it's anonymous we had no certainty who it was.....until CM showed up at our door again, and in a screaming fit demanded to know about why our children were still with us when she made the reports. She was ranting about how she was sure we would learn our lesson etc. Unfortunately for her we have cameras .... Guess who got a NC order and a lawsuit on her hands for defamation and making false claims? Give yourself a treat if you guessed CM. When did she get the letter(s)? While she and her husband Steve were home having lunch. Long story short, he lost whatever patience he had with her. He told her he had enough of her behaviour and filed for divorce. They have a prenup but CM will receive some money as was discussed at the time the prenup was signed. She still has plenty of savings and a nice retirement fund. She won't be penniless after the divorce and is able to afford a decent sized apartment while living comfortably. Concerning their marital home, she is unwilling to buy Steve out and is unwilling to be bought out so they have to sell it. For the time being they both live in the house but sleep in separate bedrooms. From what I've also heard is that CM had the idea, or delusion, that she could go and live with one of her daughters instead of buying her own apartment. She was shut down very fast. Her daughters have no intention of letting their mother live with them and their families. CM apparently has made some derogatory comments about her own daughters and their children. EC was and still is the apple of her eye. CM did not like her daughters' refusal and was making comments how it was her daughters' duty to take care of her. Her youngest daughter asked if CM was even thinking of contributing to the bills to which CM responded that she wouldn't as her daughters should be willing and thankful to help their mother out 'after all she had done for them'. So CM has a son who's momentarily stuck in prison. If/when he is released he is unemployed and without a home, a husband who doesn't want anything to do with her anymore and her daughters are sick and tired of her shenanigans and downright toxic behaviour. Nice one, CM. Plusside of this all is that she has her hands full with this mess. [**Update: How CoddleMum got hit in the face - Begging WW for help**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/11vkcgq/update_how_coddlemum_got_hit_in_the_face_begging/), posted 30 March 2023 I had to share this one with you. Short recap: CoddleMum is going through a divorce after she got served. Steve (her soon to be ex husband) had warned her that he had reached his limit. He told her that one legal letter was enough for him to file for divorce, so that's what he did. CM's daughters have already let her know that under no circumstances will they take her in after she and Steve sold the house. CM has plenty of money in her accounts along with a nice retirement fund. The daughters refused point blank to take their mother in to mooch of them after all the horrendous things she said to them about them. Apparently CM has no intention of living on her own and/or using her own money so she managed to get in contact with none other than her former daughter in law, Wonder Woman (WW). She is EC's EX wife. She kept her old number for Steve so they could arrange for him to see his grandchildren. She does have a new number but kept the old as a ruse for CM. From what I understand it's like this: If CM thinks that WW has not changed her number she still thinks she has access to her and will not start searching for more information and thus find out her new number and home address. So CM contacted WW. WW answered, thinking it was Steve. Alas, It was CM and she immediately explained the situation without a greeting or asking how she was. Fun fact: WW and I had met up that day for a well deserved day off in each other's company. I could hear and enjoy this show. Before CM even could come to the point of asking/telling WW what she wanted, WW just said this: Just stop right there, CM. I know that you are going through a divorce, I know you are selling the house and that you need a new place to live. I will not allow you to let you live with me. Not even when hell freezes over will I let you live with me, ever. Lose my number and goodbye. *click*. CM did not dare to call her again. We enjoyed the rest of our day while we basked in the glory of WW's righteous retort.I love the balls of this woman. [**The end...or so we hope**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Burneraccount-909876/comments/12zcteb/the_endor_so_we_hope/), posted 26 April 2023 I tried to post this on r/entitledparents but it was removed. *Compilers note:* >!*mention of violence that happened in the previous posts.*!< My dear reddit family, It has been awhile since I updated. I would like to refer to my profile to read my other posts to get up to date. I started writing about my experiences simply to gain insight and blow off some steam so to speak. I found out that my posts have been used by several YT channels and other social media to broadcast them to others. I also know that some people think they're fake and that's fine as well. I let them be. When I found out about the videos, I was mostly interested in the comments. They, along with my Hubby and LF, really opened my eyes and showed me that I was naïve, gullible and an incredible doormat. NW, NN and my own children found out about the posts and agree with you all. So thank you all. Some people who appear in the story: NN: Nice neighbour NW: NN wife Froufrou: NN&NW's dog LeFou: our own dog. LF: our lovely Lawyer friend EC: Entitled cousin Blabbermouth: My insane and entitled SIL I posted some time ago about how I was beaten up by EC and a friend of his while Blabbermouth found my children and tried to drag one of my youngest away. They were arrested and had to await their trial in prison. Then the update about Blabbermouth and EC that you've been waiting for. The reason it took so long was initially because of Christmas, New year and illnesses of people involved. Then I took the time to let the result sink in. I have not been to the majority of the trial, my parents and friends have been present more to keep Hubby and me up to date. Well, case is closed. Both EC and Blabbermouth will spend some time in prison. Everything that could be thrown at these pathetic excuses for human beings was thrown at them, all the while hoping they would see the inside of a prison cell for quite some (more) time.For anonimity's sake I will not disclose the amount of time they were sentenced with. EC was convicted of a couple of things, the most serious ones were grievous bodily harm and aiding a kidnapping. Blabbermouth was convicted as well, the most serious ones for her are attempted kidnapping and helping EC commit grievous bodily harm. After they are released they are not to contact us or come near us. We hope they listen to that this time. Did they plan this together? Yes, they did. EC was to beat me up to scare me and make me more 'pliable'. Blabbermouth was to entice the children away with the idea they would get us to pay. Basically hold them for ransom. Blabbermouth said on the stand that she never meant to hurt my children. She just wanted money. EC's buddy has made a deal before that he would give statements, evidence, everything and he would walk away with probation, fine and community service. It turns out that Blabbermouth talked down to me because she was jealous of my success with investments, education and good salary. BIL also invested in some things but his investments didn't generate as much as they hoped for. This resulted in Blabbermouth resenting me very much. When asked why she tried to take my children her answer was 'So that their mother would pay me the money I deserve and that she owes me'. The times she babysat my children or had sleepovers... well, she thinks I should have paid her or paid her more, even when SHE asked if the children could stay for a weekend. Fun fact: We always got something nice alongside some flowers or something as a thank you. We've actually paid her for the handful of times she had to babysit, the hourly rate for a nanny at that time, we paid for gas in the cases she went somewhere. Even the times she offered to help out we paid her, either with money or a nice gift. even though she said it wasn't needed. We paid her daughters as well when they babysat. We now know how jealous she was of our wealth. In our minds we never actively flaunted it, but both Hubby and I realise now that maybe we should've handled things differently Still, Hubby and I were flabbergasted. The audacity of this woman. MIL and FIL are angry that she tried to abduct our children but incredibly hurt as well. They never believed that their own daughter would go this far and would be send to prison. MIL is broken now. She initially asked us to 'forgive and/ or forget'. Hubby and I lost our cool on this as Blabbermouth tried to harm our family. When MIL heard her own daughter say the reasons for her actions, we were told she cried. She knew the lengths Hubby and I went to help out Blabbermouth and her family, with and without the funds we have now. She and FIL were shocked to their core according to friends of ours who witnessed them in the court room. But still pure, pure joy for us reagrding the outcome! Not only will we be free from EC and Blabbermouth from some time, they also got what they deserve. I will admit I loved to see their faces when they were found guilty. Blabbermouth tried to plead/say something, blabbering all kinds of things I couldn't hear. She was crying so much. Her youngest and husband are the only ones who support her. Her other children disowned her and never showed up. EC became angry and started shouting and insulting everyone else. He has his own troubles. His wife filed for divorce after EC was arrested and she got custody of their children. She got a job and got the hell out. She moved, sold the house (was hers only), got a NC order and is busy building a good life for herself and her children. So now he has no friends, no family, no wife and not even his children. They are in the same age range as my own and as of now don't want anything to do with their dad. His only supporter is his mother, not even his father and sisters support him. LF and Hubby are glad that I learned some valuable life lessons. I don't let family get away so easily anymore. In the past I would always try to see the good in people. I still do but know that it's not always light. I have learned to make my boundaries known, decide which hills I'm willing to die on and and then fight. It's true that justice isn't always as sweet as this. EC should have been locked away sooner in my honest opinion. My children feel safe once again. They sleep better. LeFou, Froufrou and his owners have helped a lot. NN&NW are real life savers. They've known from early on what the exact story was, have never asked for anything and gave their love, support, advice and trust in abundance. The children see them as an extra set of family and NN&NW love to have them at their home. They never could have children. They see the children as their honorary niblings. Eldest especially loves it that he has NN as another male figure to respect and learn from. In all this mess, NN gave insights that really helped him. I'm glad to have found new family in this mess I hope life will stay this way....at least for a while. I don't know if I'll be posting much after this. This saga of EC and Blabbermouth has finally come to an end. Good luck to all. [**Blabbermouth's youngest wants "his college fund". Tries different tactics**](https://reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/EEK1WF8nPg), posted 14 September 2023 Dear reddit family,I hope this finds you all in good health. Rest assured. This has to do with Blabbermouth's youngest. I've reread some of my posts and I accidentally gave him 2 names ; EAK (entitled apple kid, as he is the apple of Blabbermouth's eye) and SOB (son of Blabbermouth.) To clear things up, I'll use SOB. For those who follow me, you know that the young man (almost 19 now) had to say goodbye to his college fund from me and Hubby as he did something stupid. His dearly beloved parents were not happy as they have very little money left due to court costs and such. So it seems like he needs to get a job to fund his way through college. For some reason he didn't have one before. I suspect Blabbermouth just paid for everything. He's already started but he's not happy with the status quo.He has tried different tactics to get money from us. Before I start. We know that his parents have enough money left to pay for the majority a year of college courses but not for books and other necessary things. BIL still has a job that pays well enough. We know he pays in different installments during the year (this is normal here). About the funds. We had money set aside but we always made it clear that we get any information for the college courses and books. We never gave the money to prevent fraud. Every child and parent was aware of this fact. *Attempt one*: Ringing the doorbell, "explained his situation" (my parents don't have enough money to fund it, I don't have a job). So I told him to get a job. He says he doesn't want to. I asked about the situation (to see what he would say), turns out his parents can pay the majority of this year's tuition, but not the books or other years. I told him that I'm glad that at least this year's tuition is covered. He starts whining a bit. I repeated what I had said. He screwed over with his actions towards my children. He was warned. He was again informed that getting a job was good for him in many ways. After a while he left, fuming. *Attempt two:* sending us texts, emails and letters with, once again, lists of why he should get "his money". Giving us deadlines to 'hand over HIS funds.'. We ignored this but saved everything. *Attempt Three:* He sent us a not-so-officially-looking letter from a "legal firm", demanding that we hand over the college funds or legal action would be taken. This time I called LF and we arranged a video call with BIL, a lawyer and SOB. We told them that we wanted to talk about SOB's shenanigans and that his latest was one that could get him in trouble with the law. What he was doing could be considered blackmail and impersonating a lawyer/lawfirm is a big no-no as well. LF was having a lot of fun explaining this to SOB in detail. Then it was my turn. I wanted to set the record straight with SOB. Apparently, he thought that his siblings just got money in their bank accounts. I told him that wasn't the case as he was told when he was 15 years old and repeated many times over the years. I got receipts, letters etc from BIL and Blabbermouth and then I paid for it. Not even a cent went into their bank accounts. In the case of money left after their college and wanting to use it for a downpayment, I was the one to do this, in the presence of in this case his eldest sister, and sent confirmation. SOB acted very surprised. Then I asked him why he was insisting on having money in his bank account. A lot of hemming and hawing later and avoiding the question, I told them what I was thinking. He just wanted the money and spend it on other things that aren't education related. He blushed. Then he got angry, started ranting and spilled the beans. He wanted his father to pay for his college and work harder if he couldn't bring up the money (his dad is also very handy and is certified electrician amongst other things), he didn't want to get a job but wanted to live the good life with the money while taking his college time the easy way. The condensed version was something along the lines of: 'I don't want to work. You have the money and my dad can work extra as a handyman so I don't need to work. I want to take it easy with college and have fun'. There are things about BIL that I don't like, like the fact he went along with his wife and her shenanigans. What I do like is that his children can't sell him any crap. He allows them to make mistakes and has good talks with them. The 4 other children are good young adults or growing into adulthood as decent people. He is also a very hard working man and respects other hardworking people deeply. So when his youngest tried to work him to the bone so SOB could dally a bit, he didn't take that well. Oh, heck no. That won't work for BIL! Long story short, BIL said he would deal with it and left the call. Since then, blissfull silence. His siblings tell him that his father got him a job with a friend....alongside the friendly reminder that SOB can also pay for his own college if he decides to ruin this. **Reminder: this is a repost sub, this is not my story. Do not like or comment on the original posts.**

The story of OOP’s very entitled in-laws, part 6

NEW UPDATE

BORU_Lover

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/178y7a2/the_story_of_oops_very_entitled_inlaws_part_6/

179ctiu

**I am STILL not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Different-Face-6704](https://www.reddit.com/user/Different-Face-6704/). He posted in [r/AmItheAsshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) and his own page. I added paragraph spaces for readability. **New Update (as of 7 days ago) is marked with \*\*\*\*\*** Previous BORU is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172pmi0/aita_for_leaving_the_restaurant_after_my_sister/). PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS **Trigger Warning:** >!incest; sexual harrassment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!wtf wtf wtf seriously wtf!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16vaa8h/aita_for_leaving_the_restaurant_after_my_sister/)**: September 29, 2023** I've had this account for a bit, but I prefer lurking instead of posting. My (19M) sister 'Hailey' (20F, not real name) is a very open and flirty person. She's never put a label on her sexuality but she has said she's attracted to everyone. Ever since we were in high school, she'd often flirt with girls I was interested in. She'd also flirt with my friends when they'd come over to hang out. Sometimes Hailey would even come into my room without knocking just to talk to them. It was very uncomfortable and some of my friends even stopped coming over to my house because of it. This made me really angry and I told our parents (45M and 42F) but they'd always say I'm being homophobic and to leave her alone. So she'd always get away with it. A few months after she graduated, she moved out of the house and I haven't had to deal with her flirting with my friends anymore. Seven months ago I met my now girlfriend 'Layla' (18F) and we really hit it off. We've been together a little over four months. One thing to note about Layla is that she's really shy, so she's never voices any concerns until after the fact. Well I really wanted her to meet my parents so we set up a quick dinner at a nice restaurant on Tuesday night. Without even telling me, my parent's invited Hailey (who was almost 30 minutes late). For the better part of the dinner, she would constantly flirt with my girlfriend. She'd give Layla compliments about her clothing, body, facial features, and even offer her number multiple times. My parent's would just laugh along with her antics saying it's just how she normally is. But I could clearly see Layla was uncomfortable so I paid my side of the bill and took her home. When we got to her house, I asked if I could spend the night and she said yes. And that's where I've been for the past few days. My parents and Hailey have been blowing up my (edit:phone) calling me all sorts of names, which has me thinking I was in the wrong. I haven't answered any of my sister's messages but I told my mom where I am. When I asked Layla about it she said the compliments were nice at first but she got uncomfortable. So AITA for making a big deal out of my sister flirting with my girlfriend? ETA: I didn't put my reasoning, sorry. My parents think I'm an asshole for ignoring my sister's messages, and an even bigger asshole for walking out of the restaurant. They say I was entitled and rude. Does this make me TA? **Editor's note-** there was a second edit, but OOP deleted it to make room for his 3rd and 4th edits, which pointed to his update. I have been unable to recover the second update. ***Relevant Comments:*** *On OOP's relationship with his sister:* "I'm already really low contact with my sister and have been since a few months after she moved out. Last time I saw her was Easter for a few minutes. I'm thinking of going LC with my parents but my gf says she would feel bad if this is the reason I stop talking to my parents. I don't want her to think it's her fault, but I'm pretty sure she's going to blame herself anyways." *Would your parents think it was cute/funny if you flirted with Hailey's dates?* "Hailey has never been in a relationship long enough for them to meet our parents, which is why I think she has so much fun flirting with everyone. It just makes me angry when I can visibly see my friends and gf getting uncomfortable with it. A few told her to stop before but she didn't." "That actually reminds me of a time one of her female friends came over a few years ago and I hinted that she was pretty. My mom said I was a creep and had to stop 'stalking' my sister's friend." *I bet if you had a BROTHER your parents would be far less fine with this:* "I've often wondered that and a few of my friends have mentioned it before. But my parents have always shut down the conversation before I could bring it up.Besides this, Hailey and I used to be very close and we had a bunch of stuff in common. But then she came out and it's put a huge strain on our relationship." "I'm sure my sister was actually my brother, my parents would've said something a long time ago. I think they don't want to risk losing my sister and her claiming homophobia over them if they speak to her about it." *Have you tried talking with your sister?* "I've tried talking to her privately when this started but she would run and tell our parents that I was bugging her. Then my parents would tell me to leave her alone. It was a constant back and forth all the time." *Why do they think you are entitled?* "They say I'm entitled because I told my parents beforehand that I would be paying for the entire bill, so they didn't end up bringing any money with them. Apparently my sister paid for them after I left." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Different-Face-6704/comments/16xm40v/update_to_my_aita_post/)**: October 1, 2023 (2 days later)** Apologies for posting this on my main page. I tried to post an update through the AITA subreddit but it wouldn't let me. Sorry this update took a few days, I'm still reeling from everything that happened. First of all I want to thank all the people who left comments and judgements. I won't say much as I'm sure you all want to know what happened. It's a lot. I'm still disgusted and don't really know how to feel about all this. Friday night I messaged my mom and dad to let them know I wouldn't be conversing with them unless Layla was given an apology. Up to this point, that still hasn't been received and I don't think it ever will. I also let them know I'd be stopping by on Saturday to pick up my things from the house. Well Saturday morning I go over to the house and bring my gf's dad (who we'll call Carl) to help me. Sitting on the porch is my sister who tells me immediately she wants to talk. Anyways we go inside and sit down which is when she says she has to tell me something without me freaking out. Basically in a much more dimmed down version my sister tells me she has had feelings for me since high school, which is when I started going to the gym and slimming out a lot more. She said the main reason she flirted with all my friends is because she wanted to 'divert' her attraction somewhere else. According to her this is also the reason she moved out so quickly, because she couldn't stand being around me and knowing she couldn't have me. I left. I didn't get any of my stuff and honestly I don't know if I'll go back to get it. I blocked my sister on everything as soon as I got back to my gf's house and my mom keeps messaging me telling me to apologise for walking out again. I don't know how to feel. I'm absolutely disgusted. I feel like throwing up all the time and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get up and go to work tomorrow like everything's normal. I haven't told my gf or her dad yet and I don't know if I'm going to. I have no idea if my mom or dad knows but even thinking about it makes my head hurt. This is so much worse than I thought it was. Wtf I know a lot of people might start commenting about how this is fake and I don't really care. I wish it was. ***Comments:*** *Do your parents know?* "I don’t know if my parents know and I have no intentions of asking. At this point I’m just trying to calm down and think about what I’m going to do next." **\*\*\*\*\* New Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Different-Face-6704/comments/1743uia/second_update_to_my_aita_post/)**: October 9, 2023 (8 days later)\*\*\*\*\*** So it's been a week. I'm not sure how many people are going to see this, but whoever does, hi. After my last post, I didn't answer many comments because I was still going through the motions of what was said. I wanted to get a quick update out last week but things got in the way which led us to here. Last Tuesday I messaged my parents telling them everything my sister had told me. It wasn't until Thursday I got a reply where they called me all sorts of names. They said I was perverted, a liar, a manchild, etc. However after messaging back and forth with them for a while it came out on my mom's side that my sister confirmed my story and wanted me to say it was false because neither of them wanted to believe it. It's safe to say I have no intention of talking to either of them for a long time. I told my gf everything on Tuesday as well. She was a lot more supportive than I initially thought, so that worked out pretty well. On Friday, we told her father and we started looking for apartments to move in together. As for all my things back at my parent's house, my gf's dad and a few of my friends went to pick up my stuff without me. I gave them a list of all the necessary things. My friends don't know why I moved out but just that it was serious and not to ask. Which leads us to today. I know a few people on my update post commented about this being fake and as much as I wish it wasn't, this is the hell I'm living in. Over the past week I've been looking back to my sister and I's relationship and realised a lot of stuff that isn't normal. I'd give examples but I just want this to be over with. Thanks for the support and this'll probably be the last update.

Final Update: AITA for leaving the restaurant after my sister flirted with my girlfriend and made her uncomfortable?

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/179ctiu/final_update_aita_for_leaving_the_restaurant/

179d15k

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/buzzkillwifi in r/AmItheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!financial abuse!< mood spoilers: >!Happy ending (according to OP)!< --- &nbsp; **[AITA for demanding my husband quit his job?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16f6syw/aita_for_demanding_my_husband_quit_his_job/) - Sep 10, 2023** A year ago my husband got a really great job. He loves it. It over doubled our income. The problem is he's never here. It requires a lot of travel and he's gone more of the month than he's home. We have three kids. 8, 6, 3. We have two dogs. I am run ragged. I don't have any family to help me. I don't have time for friends. It's never ending. Cleaning, kids, cooking, kids, dogs, dogs, school, kids, cleaning cleaning kids CLEANING COOKING CLEANING. No time for me whatsoever. Before my husband got this job we worked opposite schedules. I worked in a restaurant/bar in the evenings. Didn't pay great but a couple really good friends worked there with me. It was how I socialized. Now that he's gone, I couldn't work that job since nobody watches kids at night. Now I work a part time retail job I hate with what are essentially children (in comparison to me). I don't get to socialize like I used to. I only work the hours my kids are in school. But we have after school activities, homework, dogs, dinner, never ending chores, etc. THERE IS NO TIME FOR ME. I don't even get to sleep alone since my 6 year old has night terrors. When my husband was here, things felt more divided. I still did a lot during the day, but it wasn't never ending. There would still be days I didn't have to worry about lunches or bath time or homework because my husband would pick up the slack. I could go out with friends from time to time. Don't even get me started on what it's like when the kids get sick and then I inevitably get sick. It's absolute misery and he's not around to see it. I'm left drowning. But he doesn't want to quit. He loves his job and that's fair. I can see he's way happier now, but what about me? Don't I matter? I don't know how I'm supposed to get through this. I demanded for the sake of my sanity he quit his job, but he exploded. He thinks we're doing better than ever. We could get a bigger house soon (we live in 2 bedroom rancher but I like it). That the kids will have so many more opportunities, etc, and he's not wrong, but what about me?!?!?! AITA? *Verdict: No A-holes Here* (per post flair, but most of the top comments are either NTA or outraged on OP's behalf) *Someone suggested I add additional context OOP gives in the comments:* [Re: the nanny/cleaner suggestions] > I personally don't have any extra money at the end of the month. I use it all on food, gas, pre school which is $40 a day etc. My husband pays the mortgage, hydro, etc, and also paying off our debts (almost done yay!). After that he wants to look into getting a bigger house. He is saying we don't have enough extra for luxuries like that. &nbsp; >He's never allowed me access to his money and he's never asked for access to mine. He likes things split. &nbsp; >They aren't my kids. They are his sisters kids (she's an addict and in my opinion a lost cause, always in and out of jail), but we've had the oldest since they were a little over a year. I am very attached to them. They call me mom. &nbsp; **Update 1 - same day** I sent this to my husband. A lot of people are saying he abuses me. I know in my heart this is NOT his intention. He is NOT a bad man. I want him to read through everything and really think about it and how much I'm struggling and how desperately I need his help. So many of you agree with me that I can't do it all and I'm very thankful I'm not alone in those thoughts. &nbsp; **Update 2 - same day** I just got off the phone with my husband. We talked for awhile. Naturally he's quite upset and is feeling rather defensive, but he is very sorry. That is not an easy thing for him to say yet he said it very clearly multiple times. He is going to try to catch a flight home tomorrow. He going to take a week or two off work to help me get some things set up in place for me. Hiring some housecleaning and some baby sitting. He encouraged me to take time off work as well and to just stop thinking about finances for right now. He said he'll deal with it for awhile. He says whenever I go back to work it won't be like it was. He will help me. He'll make sure I have some extra money and extra time. I could cry with relief. I am crying with relief😭😭😭 &nbsp; **Update 3 - Sep 11, 2023 (next day)** Don’t know if anyone will read this, but he’s home. THANK GOD. He’s not angry. He’s not yelling. He’s been very affectionate and worried about me. I’ve seen his bank account and it’s been going exactly where I’ve been saying debt (heloc and line of credit if it matters) and savings (for moving). He’s paid off over $40,000 of debt this past year. He’s not cheating. There’s no other family or whatever. He’s just had tunnel vision. He wants to sell our place and have all our finances in order before our mortgage is up for renewal in 6 months since the rates have gone way up and our mortgage will be very high. He never meant to hurt me or make me suffer. He just desperately wants out of our house and needs all the finances in order to make the transition smooth. He never realized how much I was struggling. He’s been hyper focused on what he thought was a family goal. He thought I was on the same page as him. Before he got his new job I was not paying for everything for the kids. Somehow it just transitioned since I was with them and he wasn’t. He was paying all the household bills while away and never really thought about how I was managing. In his mind he was paying all the bills and nothing was really left to me. Obviously that wasn’t the case. He is going to help me a lot more going forward. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OP is overwhelmed with finances and domestic tasks while her husband is away at work.

ONGOING

flamants

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/179d15k/op_is_overwhelmed_with_finances_and_domestic/

179fra7

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/SparkleBaby518 **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **AITA for making tiktoks like my friend and colleague?** --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16hgwun/aita_for_making_tiktoks_like_my_friend_and/) - **September 13, 2023** I (23F) have been working in a museum as a historical actor, for almost 2 years and I love it. I get on with most people there, and I'm even part of a trio! One of the friends in this trio (50F, we'll call her Jane) has the same job as me, she's been doing it for 5 years, and also loves it, and has a pretty successful tiktok where she makes content about this character that we play. About 6 months ago, I too started making content on tiktok as this character, used different sounds, and Jane and I followed eachother and we were even in content for eachother. We would talk about ideas, and she even said how different our fyp were. So, a couple days ago, I got a message from Jane, saying that some of my content was a bit too close hers and it made her uncomfortable, that she couldn't claim the character we play, but that she had been Jane's special interest for a while and that she had started her tiktok during lockdown when the character "came to live" with Jane. She said she'd be happy to talk about it and come up with a unique idea for me. The thing is, I am also really passionate about this character, we lately found out a lot about her history and we both were very excited, so I understand her love for the character is older than mine, I just don't see why that means I'm not allowed to make content about the character anymore? I did message Jane back, explaining that I never meant to make her feel uncomfortable, that I too love the character and love telling her history both irl and on tiktok, and that I'm still developing my content, and even though Jane has a head start on me that I hoped we could share the role and platform we both clearly love. This wasn't what Jane wanted to hear sadly, she started accusing me of copying her work, saying there was a difference between taking inspiration and copying a concept. That all she's asking is for me to develop my own concept, but that she can't stop me from doing what I do and using the hashtags I do. And she then sent me a tiktok where someone detailing this , before blocking me on everything and leaving all group chats we were in. I don't understand what I have done wrong in this situation, there's plenty of people on the internet and Tiktok who do our job who make content, and I just thought I'd be another one of many. She's now also posting things about "the difference between plagiarism and stealing copyright free work", and it all hurts so much because I held her in such a high regard as a friend, as a performer and as a colleague, but it obviously wasn't mutual. She's been going through a lot lately, so I'm trying to chalk it up to that, but this doesn't seem like her at all. I've more or less been crying for the past two days, and thankfully my best friend has kept me sane . My bff says she doesn't think I did anything wrong and that Jane is just trying to pick a fight, but I'm worried she's biased because she's my bff. So Reddit, AITA? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/173zmuz/update_aita_for_making_tiktoks_like_my_friend_and/) - **October 9, 2023** Hi everyone! My original post didn't get much traction, but I was thankful for everyone's opinions and advice nevertheless, and I thought I'd update you. Jane and I are back to being friends! It was a bit of a complicated situation to resolve since we didn't actually see eachother until we actually sorted it. After Jane had blocked me on everything I didn't message her, I was pretty certain that that was what she wanted, but it all came to head when she made a Facebook post about it. Facebook was the only place she hadn't blocked me so I was able to see this post, but so did all of our mutual friends and colleagues. She never mentioned me by name, she just brought up what she had already spoken to me about, but then also said that I had ignored her, which was very confusing for me at the time, given that she had blocked me and not the other way round. I did end up texting her after this, and asked her point blank what it was that upset her about the tiktoks I was making and what concept I was supposed to have stolen. Turns out, I was the AH in this situation and I was stealing her concept. What I had wanted to do was make content as an actor who happens to wear the same costume, and her concept was that the character had travelled forward in time and was making the content (so not the hugest difference, but a difference nevertheless). And I had, without even thinking, had in fact done content exactly like hers, and I didn't even realised. Once I knew what I had done it was an easy fix, and I know what I need to not do, and also switched all of the hashtags that I put at the end of my videos to make that clear as well. Jane has since been back at work, and we have seen eachother and are back to our usual friendship, laughing and making silly jokes. The third friend in our trio has been a little icy with me but I can only expect that and hope it'll get better with time. Not going to lie, it was a very confusing few weeks going through all this, and it probably went on as long as it did because I was just so scared of the outcome. And to be fair, I didn't expect it to have ended this well. Thank you again everyone who read my first post, and thank you if you read this one. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for making tiktoks like my friend and colleague?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/179fra7/aita_for_making_tiktoks_like_my_friend_and/

179pkor

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Pristine_Cheetah_870 **TIFU by spending my wedding anniversary with another girl. (On accident)** **Originally posted to** r/tifu [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/tifu/s/Jg0XGuBz97)  **Oct 8, 2023** Last monday I went out with an old friend (female) whom I haven't seen for ages. We were both hard pressed to find a time to see each other so when we finally arrived at the meeting place, we were both pretty hungry. Luckily I knew a great steakhouse nearby! So we went for two amazing steaks. Overall, we had a ton of fun catching up! We planed to meet for just a couple of hours, but ended up only getting back home past midnight. With a promise to repeat this some time later. So far this doesn't sound too bad. Well, the story begins couple of years ago, on my first wedding anniversary. You see, back then me and my wife had a couple of things planned for the day and eventually ended up starving in a random part of a city. Pondering that we actually don't want to cook today, we decided to find a restaurant. Unfortunately, we had no idea what we wanted... But while discussing that we stumbled upon a steakhouse in a relatively hidden alley. The steaks were pricey, but it's our anniversary right? We can go for a good meal on this day... And it turned out to be an amazing decision! We accidentally discovered the most famous steakhouse in our city and the steaks were absolutely stunning! We have been going there every anniversary since, always having a great time and meal. Since I liked the story, I of course mentioned that to my friend during our meeting on Monday; That I know of the steakhouse by accident. And that it is actually really funny, because It's been actually this exact date in next month when we went here for the anniversary back then. You see, I am a guy that cannot remember dates... The thing is, me and my wife had the first date and wedding two months apart but on the same day of the month, so it's easy to remember the day! But for the love of me I cannot remember the months... And back at that fateful monday, I thought our first date and our wedding anniversary is only one month apart... And I actually remembered the date of the first date! So I believed our wedding anniversary is next month. But it was that Monday... To add a bit more to the story, this friend I have met is someone who I used to have romantical feelings for... My wife of course knows about this. Well, earlier today, My wife expressed sadness that we weren't able to plan anything for our anniversary. I asked why, since it hasn't even happened yet... And that's when I discovered that I have not only missed our anniversary, but actually spent it in our restaurant with another girl that I used to love! (And to top it off, had a great time.) You may be asking why hadn't we been planing anything for the anniversary. That's because my wife'd been ill for 2 weeks... (She is good now.) My wife hasn't made the connection yet... What do I do?! TL;DR: During our wedding anniversary I accidentally took my past love to the restaurant where we always celebrate the anniversary. My wife knows this but has not realized that it was the anniversary date yet. Edit: Grammar, missing words, the stuff... Edit 2: My friend from the story is not my ex. Edit 3: My phone is nokia 5230 with no callendar, reminder app or internet connection. (Woah, it has a callendar! Amazing! Somehow I ignored the first item in the menu for years! Thanks reddit!) [Update](https://reddit.com/r/tifu/s/Em0sxhri1f)  **Oct 10, 2023** Hi, this is Mrs. Cheetah. My husband told me today that when he went out with his friend it was on anniversary of our wedding. Well ok, funny. But he acted very anxious and not usual. So then he told me that he was not sure if it was bad or against "relationship protokol" or whatever. So he asked reddit. So I read it. Oh boy. The comments. I read them all. So first - english is our second language so chill. Don't assume everyone is american. I would love to learn better, if you are going to correct our grammar, just don't be dicks. Even by accident. Second - When I started reading I felt touched that so many people stand for me, then realized that it is actually not that. On base of limited context you imagine people that are projections of your limited experience. But people are different and relationships do not work the same way. For me there is nothing to forgive, nothing bad happened. I tell you from my point of view. I was sick, my husband wanted to go out with friend, hurray, finally he was able to arrange meeting without forgetting it. I ate (what he cooked me!) and went to sleep. Sometime after midnight he went home. I woke up, asked if they had good time. He said yes.very much and said he didn't expect to came home so late. That they were hungry and went for steak to that place. I told him I'd like to eat steak. (meeeat my presiousss) Ok. Goodnight. Later I spoke to my doctor about when I can go back to work. So we spoke in dates. Then it it me that we forgot our anniversary. Bad but I couldn't go anyways we will go another time and that's all. It does not surprise me. We used to be celebrating the anniversary of dating. The number of years are more impressive. We even picked the same day in month for our wedding date for easy remembering. It's not working apparently. I forgot either, he has shitty memory, mine is excellent and still. And I don't think smartphone would do miracle about it. He has perfectly functioning old phone, we don't toss out working things for new ones. And about the ring, I don't wear it either. I work with hands and it annoys me, so I wear it only occasionally. My husband is an awesome person. Sometimes he overthings things. Things that are not even issue for me. He cute, like a hobbit. Because we trust each other, talk to each other. I want him to have friends, good ones. Most of his friends are female. Also as many of you wrote. If he buys me things, fancy trips, flowers, romantic gestures, it would be weird, it would not please me. We don't do that, but that does not mean we don't care. We show love differently, we don't hold the other on a leash. I don't ever need to worry whether he is cheating. If I may cite Frozen II, My love, or better our love, is not fragile. So the worst thing he did is probably seeking advice on reddit, although I had fun reading the comments. Bye. TL;DR: I am not angry. No divorce. Don't expect the worst of people and have healthier relationships. Screw you, Reddit. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU by spending my wedding anniversary with another girl. (On accident)

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/179pkor/tifu_by_spending_my_wedding_anniversary_with/

179plt4

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Tiny-Zee **My father continously makes fun of my body and won't listen when i ask him to stop** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Body shaming, emotional and verbal abuse, physical abuse!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Infuriating, enraging!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/8wnZLKpvlC) **Oct 3, 2023** To start things off with a few side notes I am very insecure about my body and have been since a child. I am especially insecure about my stomach and thighs. I do train. I do eat right but it's just an issue that will forever haunt me. I have come to terms with it over the years but at the moment, I'm not sure what to think. I am 5'3 and weigh about 50-55kgs. My stomach is a bit plump and my thighs are pretty large. My body is covered in stretch marks from god knows where. I have been teased about this in school to the point of dropping out due to mental health and trauma. The rumors got out of hand. It started with my body then it went to me apparently sleeping with everyone in school. They bragged about the thickness of my thighs, how fun it apparently was to grab the skin on my hips. How the marks made them feel superior because they looked like scars. Keep in mind i have never shown my body during my time in school. I have never slept or merely engaged in conversations with anyone unless i was forced to. I never mentioned it. Never did sports. The only person who knew was a so called best friend who ended up getting jealous that I managed to pull a date. That was the only reason. It hurt a lot but by the time she confessed i was already down low. To the point of nearly ending it all. My teachers even laughed in my face when i went to them for help because my parents brushed me off. The only thing that was holding me together with sparkly glitter glue was that godsend of a date who i am still with today. He always assures me that my body is perfect to him but i could never truly believe it. I could never shake away those memories and i can't shake away the comments from my own father. The person who i looked up to and respected. My father has always been a joking person. Always finds a way to lighten up a room but now, i don't think i can ever see him the same again. He knows how i feel about my body, he has always supported me and encouraged me to train if i really wanted to but now i feel like it was just an act. I don't know what to think or feel. I don't know if im overreacting or not. About a year ago the comments started. They were innocent at first so i brushed it off as his jokes. Then came the hip pinching. The stretch mark dad jokes. The remarks about wearing tigher pants to hide my oversized legs. It really hurt. I couldn't deal with it at the time so my aunt, who i consider as a mother, took matters into her own hands. It stopped for a while. Until a few months ago. I was slowly getting comfortable with my body again and decided to wear shorts for the first time in a long time when we went to visit my parents. I had my back turned while talking to my mother. My stomach dropped when i felt the pinch on my thighs. I knew what was coming. He said "whats with this? I thought you diet!" And he jiggled the skin of my thigh, emphasizing what he was referring too. I couldn't stop the sob and i just left. My partner didn't know what was happening when i pulled him to the car and asked him to drive home. I was a mess. That night he just held me and i was grateful for his presence. All the memories started coming back by that single 'joke'. He still found ways to comment on my body but i forced myself to ignore it and act unbothered. That brings us to 3 days ago. Its nearing my birthday so my mother and I were discussing an outfit to get me. She wanted to personally look for something so she needed my measurements in which i gave her. She was using my dads phone as she has a bad streak of luck with breaking hers. My dad then started. He asked me why my waist was so wide. Why my hips were so high. Why i wasn't proportioned right. If i was sure i measured in cm instead of mm. I went along with it because i wanted to at least try to be the better person but i failed. I broke when he told me that i will never be able to fit into any of the outfits my mother showed me. Its pointless and i should just cut holes into a bag and wear that to my birthday party instead because its the only thing that i will fit in. He didn't stop there no. He said it needed to be long enough to make me look at least normal. I dropped my phone at that point, sobbing. I couldn't stop and again my partner just held me, whispering reassuring words throughout my breakdown. I ended up trying to talk to him. Trying to get him to stop but he just brushed me off like my school days. He told me he was only joking and i need to stop being so serious. That i can't help my body turned out the way it did. The worst part about it was they visited me today and i had to act fine because we had other guests over. It didn't take long for the jokes and pinching to start. In front of everyone. He pinched my thigh when i walked passed. He pinched my stomach, my hips. He said that im getting bigger because of my stretch marks that he apparently never knew were there. He asked if i was mad at him but all i could do was plaster on a smile because i couldn't say anything. I was on the brink of bursting into tears. When they were leaving, he tried to joke around and pinch me again. I managed to choke out 'please stop' and he told me to stop being dramatic and accept that its a joke. My partner is not happy about it but i asked him not to intervene. I am appreciative that he is here for me but i cannot handle a fight right now. He's been trying to cheer me up, showing me cute outfits, saying how nice i will look in them and all other stuff but i cant bring myself to let it go. I know it's not his fault and im wrong for not wanting him to step in but right now i just need a hug. Am i overreacting? [Update](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/loqKDjsdJy) **Oct 10, 2023** Hi all. I didn't think i'd come back but here i am. I just want to thank you all and give you an update. Thank you for all the hugs. Some things some of you wanted to know: - i am turning 21 now in November - i dropped out of highschool in 10th grade - i have lived with my partner since then and he is 23 - his family is very supportive and took me in with open arms - my partner and I now live on our own - my mother is that type of person who will side with anyone in a matter of seconds And yes the only thing holding me back is the fact that they are my parents I sat my father down as per request and tried to speak to him again. It ended up being the same as the previous times. My partners father has heard of whats been happening but never witnessed it until yesterday. My parents came over to visit again with no knowledge that my partners parents were there. It was only a visit for planning of my 21st. My dad didn't seem to care that there was a new member to the audience and started his shit. I was wearing a pair of tights which some of you know as leggings as my sweats were dirty. I rarely wear tight clothes as it gives my father more fuel to his insults. I was making coffee and he shouted "Why are your thighs jiggling like that?! Do you actually train?!" My mother laughed like it was the funniest thing ever and i heared a smack and my dad yelping straight after. Thats a common thing between my parents but it usually only happens in front of others. My future in laws didn't say anything but I could see they were confused and annoyed. After the next couple of pinches, smacks and comments my parnters dad lost it. He started berating my dad and told him that he's a pathetic excuse for a father. Told him that for all these years he had to ensure i was okay because he didn't have a fucking clue to raising a child. How sick he was for even thinking its okay to treat a daughter like that. He made sure to tell him how he has damaged me mentally to the point of just accepting it. How many times his son had to hold me until i cried myself to sleep over one of his jokes. That went on for what seemed like forever and my partner soon joined in. It ended up being turned to my mother who tried to switch sides again. My partners mother is a good woman but she has a nasty side and she wasn't afraid to show it. She is one woman you don't want to upset aside from my aunt who was called and gladly snuck her nose in. She ended up saying that they either apologize and get the fuck out or they no longer have a daughter. They apologized but my dad still couldn't see why its so wrong to joke. Its what fathers do apparently. I was crying during the extent of it and still am. Not about the fight but the fact that I know just how pointless it was. I was right as he came back today and gave me a bag with holes cut into it. "Got your outfit. Made the holes bigger for your arms and thighs too. Make sure to wear a belt." I just froze in place and could only focus on his smirk. I was still standing there, bag in hand as he drove away. Later on today i got a message from him related to my writing and art that he found. He started mocking that too. Commented on how i wish i could be as perfect as the characters i come up with. I use writing/drawing as a way to cope and he is right. I do wish i could be that perfect. That confident. Normal but im not. I'm a fuck up. He made that clear. He made sure to let me know that I will never be as good. That i don't have the gene that's been passed down through generations. That maybe if my brother and sister were alive, they would have done it better. They died at birth. So not only am i a mistake and second choice. I am a fuck up entirely. ##**OOP MADE A NEW UPDATE AFTER THE BORU WAS POSTED** * [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/1J7kvo2WgO)  **Oct 17, 2023** Hello all. Thank you for all your love and comments. The boost of confidence from that alone was phenomenal. I worked up enough courage and did what needed to be done with the help of my aunt. She was more than happy to help and end it. She is also looking into making me rightfully hers and I couldn't be more grateful. We made him a gift basket with a note since he loves to read what i write so much and won't bother listening in person. "Dear Dad Since you like my writing so much I decided to take the time and spell this out for you. This basket contains many options to help you. I've noticed your body has lost it's good shape and is honestly just not pleasing to look at. So I have included many workout pamphlets and personal trainer contacts to help you with that. One in particular will surely help you with that stomach of yours. I can only imagine your frustration having a daughter that is fitter than her father. Since you clearly love taking your frustrations out on me I highly recommend reading through the therapist contacts I have included in this basket. I will advise you to let mom seek out these therapists too as her backbone is non existent and she lets awful men walk all over her. I can't imagine what the death of my brother and sister did to her and to you. Not having the chance to even pass down the gene that you love so much. Fun fact: 50-55kgs for a woman that is 5'3 is healthy if not bordering on being underweight. However. 100-108kgs for a man in his 50's and is just scraping 5'5 is concerningly overweight. I would suggest taking care of that. I would hate for someone to start mocking you about it. It is very unpleasant. Now all pleasantries aside, this will be the last time you hear from me. This will be the last time I call you mom and dad. Since I have all of my documents, I no longer need to converse with you. Your names have been taken off the guest list for my 21st that you so graciously refused to help pay for. If you do show up I will have police escort you off the premises. If you show up at my new house or merely follow me to the store, it will result in the police being called. If you continue this behavior I will file a restraining order against both of you. If you would like a reason for this you will have to find it yourself. It is quite obvious but since you are so focused on damaging me into submission i fear you will never understand. That is not my problem. Yes you did bring me into this world but you are not my parents. I have a family and you will never be a part of it. Please do take my advice and seek help. This is not a joke dad Yours truly" I know that the note was rushed and short but it was all i was capable of writing. My aunts phone has been blowing up but she has ignored and blocked their numbers. She has even made sure to let the rest of our family know what has happened and why. As far as I know, they have been getting berated and disowned. I can't help but feel a little bit of pride. I am going to seek a therapist once we've finished moving. Thank you all. Really. If I didn't come to reddit for help I don't know what I would've done. It feels as if a big weight has been taken off of me and I can finally breath. Hugs to you all ~Tofu To the people who have bombarded my dms saying that this is fake. Please my dears I wish it was. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My father continously makes fun of my body and won't listen when i ask him to stop

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/179plt4/my_father_continously_makes_fun_of_my_body_and/

179proy

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/1mt1r3d\_19835](https://www.reddit.com/user/1mt1r3d_19835/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole Palate cleanser for you today **Mood Spoiler:** >!hopeful ending (Dogs are fine)!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/172sgon/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_18f_roommate_26f_after/)**: October 8, 2023** I, 18F, have a roommate who’s 26, also F. We rent a house together. (sorry for the format, i’m on mobile) I have two dogs. I got them when I moved in (they’re about a year), they’ve been with both her and I since they were puppies. Despite this, i’ve never asked her to watch them, clean up after them, feed them, or do anything with them. They’re *my* dogs. Recently she told me that she wants to get more involved with them since she calls them Her dogs, and she posts pictures about how much she loves ‘her dogs’ and things like that. I thought it would be good for them to have another person they could trust, and it would be good for me because as a full time student with a job, it’s hard to take care of them all the time. The other day, I woke up at 6:30 to go to the gym one of my classes was moved around so I needed to go earlier. The dogs are usually fed at 7. I texted her and asked if she would feed them at 7, she said yes. I got home around 8 and they were barking and their bowls were empty. I went to her room to ask if she fed them. she said she forgot. I didn’t care too much, it was a mistake. I was just mildly annoyed, so I fed them and went about my day. A few days after, she asked to take them on their walk. Which was great for me because that meant I could do some overtime. I agreed and showed her where everything was. But when I got home from work around midnight, the dogs were sitting by the door, they ran over to their leashes and harnesses. So I asked if she took them on a walk (she was sitting on the couch) and she told me she was going to but it was too cold out for her so she didn’t. It was 15°C (60°F). So I took them out at midnight. If I didn’t they wouldn’t have slept. Now, this morning. I decided to give her one more chance because I had an early class (Usually on these days i’ll just feed them before I leave, but when I make their breakfast I warm it up for them and I feel bad leaving it out to get cold). I knocked on her door at 6am before I left for the gym. She told me she would feed them at 7. I had to go right from the gym to school or else i’d be late. I told her that. Saying I wouldn’t be there if she forgot to feed them. She rolled her eyes and said “Im an adult, I know how to feed dogs”. I got home at 3:15pm. The dogs were laying by their bowls. So I went to her room (she’s home all day, remote job). When I got there, I asked if she fed the dogs and she said “Ohh that’s what I was forgetting. Can you do it since you’re home now?” I got mad at her and basically told her she was incompetent and that i hope she never gets a pet of her own because it will die. Now her friends are texting me and telling me I was too harsh AITA? TL;DR- My roommate asked to be more involved in my dogs lives then forgot to feed them, didn’t take them on their walk then forgot to feed them again and they didn’t get fed until over eight hours past their usual time because I was at school. I called her incompetent and now her friends are mad at me. Edit/Info: I only felt comfortable taking overtime and shifting my class schedule around BECAUSE my roommate had said she would help me. My dogs are very well taken care of with 3 homemade meals (they’re on a raw diet, but I gave my roommate detailed instructions), two walks, an hour of play time a day. I wouldn’t have gotten dogs if I couldn’t take care of them. This post is about my roommate repeatedly failing to do things she said she would do. ***Relevant Comments (mostly OOP responding to accusations that she's hurting her dogs, but with more info sprinkled in so I included them)*** *OOP reiterates to people who accuse her of having dogs that she can't take care of:* "As I mentioned in the info just now, I do take care of my dogs on a very consistent schedule, which is why I was upset she didn’t feed them when she said she would. There’s only one day a week they’re not fed at the same time, and it doesn’t seem to bother them, it just makes me feel bad for their food getting a little cold while they’re sleeping in:) But I do take them for walks before their breakfast, and then again before bed, however they have a doggy door because the house has a backyard so they’re always free to run around. I give them three means a day and then when I get home we usually play fetch for an hour or two, until they don’t want to play anymore. While my schedule is full, I wouldn’t have gotten animals if I couldn’t take care of them. It wouldn’t have been fair to them." *Your issue is that your roommate is a liar- get a new one:* "The lease is up at the end of November, i’ve been talking to a few other friends and we’re considering renting a different house closer to our school, and I actually trust them with the dogs. So i’ll probably do that :))" *Raw diet is bad for dogs:* "Totally hear you on this, and there are definitely some that are, but don’t worry, all of their food I pre check with their vet beforehand to make sure they’ll be okay for them to eat :). One of them has some tummy issues and kibble is too harsh for her and the other gets jealous if they have different meals haha" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/174yrjk/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_18f_roommate_26f_for/)**: October 10, 2023 (2 days later)** Now for an update. First- to all the people concerned with my dogs diet, thank you, I also got nervous when I got a few pm’s about how vets are basically bullshitting when they talk about what they know about diet. I called my vet to ask what the deal was and if their food really is safe, and they sent me their credentials for canine nutrition. So worry no more, they’re in good hands. Second- there seemed to be some confusion which honestly is a little funny. I’m the 18 year old. My roommate is 26, almost 27. Third- my dogs are microchipped and have been for a few months (since they were old enough to get them safely) and they’re registered to me so don’t worry about that, but again thank you so much for your concern it meant a lot that people were so helpful. Fourth- My lease is up end of November, I told her i’d be moving out and to find a new roommate. I already have a place lined up with two of my friends, the house itself is smaller but the property is larger so the dogs will have more room to run around! Fifth- Please stop saying I don’t have the ability to take care of my pets. I do. I schedule things around them. Like I said in the edit, I only felt comfortable moving things around AFTER she OFFERED to help me. And lastly- I spoke to her friends. I took a few of them out to lunch today and they told me she said that I yelled at her after she gave them the wrong food. They believed it because admittedly, I am every particular about what they eat but that’s mostly because as I said to someone in the replies, one of my dogs has some stomach issues. I cleared it up with them and they apologized. All but one of them which honestly I don’t care too much, i’ll be moving out and won’t ever talk to them again most likely anyways. Thank you so much for all your concern, i’m so thankful to have gotten this much engagement with my post. Have a great rest of your day❤️

AITA for getting mad at my (18F) Roommate (26F) after she didn’t feed the dogs?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/179proy/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_18f_roommate_26f_after/

179q0xc

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Gosiiik23](https://www.reddit.com/user/Gosiiik23/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/170dxqs/wibta_if_i_accepted_an_offer_to_work_abroad/)**: October 5, 2023** I (F26) got an offer from my boss to move abroad next year for 6 months to open a new branch of our agency and be a branch manager (it’s a 2h flight away). It’s an incredible offer to get at my age and I worked my ass off for the past 2+ years as a project manager / team leader to get here(started off as the former role, organically became the latter one as well). I’d have all expenses with the move covered. It’s a dream come true for me career-wise. Here’s the issue. My husband (M29) doesn’t want to move. He’s about to have an exam in december to finally get all necessary qualifications for his profession (think like bar exam in the US). His salary would go up and he’d be able to be independent. But.. only in our country. I’m not sure he’d be able to find a job abroad and he really doesn’t want to move. I am making 3x his salary and we’d still live comfortably, but understably he doesn’t want a break in his career especially when it’s finally going to take off. He wants to save as much as possible to buy a house, have kids etc. I want the same but not necessairly now, perhaps in a year or so. We don’t have enough saved to do it earlier anyways and I want to negotiate my salary for the new position so that we would still be on track with all these plans. For a little context, he’s always been more domestic, doesn’t care to learn more languages or travel. Which is fine. I, on the other hand, consider myself more of a cosmopolitan person. I speak 3 foreign languages and am currently learning a 4th one, always dreamt of international career whether it’s about being able to travel or just move abroad. During our relationship I did move abroad twice for more than a year, so we know that long-distance relationship is doable, but when I came back 3 years ago we discussed that we don’t want that anymore. So I stayed. When we talked about the opportunity, he instantly became cold and short with me. We are speaking etc. normally, but anytime the topic comes up, he gets annoyed. Doesn’t say no to me going alone (or with our dog), but isn’t happy for me nor wants me to go. Thus, WIBTA if I accepted the offer? EDIT: (Same Day) Okay I see a lot of comments that we’re not compatible due to him wanting to stay and me going abroad. When we met we BOTH wanted to live abroad. He was meant to finish his degree and join me, but turns out you can’t find job in his field outside of the country unless you’re a genius. Neither me nor him knew that. It’s not like he hates travelling, he simply can’t due to his work. Yeah he’s now used to that, me not so much. 3 years ago when we came back so that he could continue his career we agreed to stay in one place for a longer time (until that point me, him or both of us moved at least once every year, either together or one of us). It wasn’t a promise that neither of us would go anywhere ever. It’s been 3 years in one city, the longest I’ve ever lived in one city since childhood. Do what tou want with that, just wanted to clarify some things. ***Relevant Comments:*** *This exchange:* Top Comment: If you turn it down, you'll think about it forever. That will inevitably lead to what ifs, which will then lead to regret & that will lead to resentment of your bf for holding you back from your dreams. That or you'll break up, feel dumb & resent yourself instead. Follow your dreams. If your relationship can't withstand something so positive that you've always wanted & what could arguably be considered the best thing that's ever happened in your professional life, then it's not the right relationship for you. Neither of you ATA. Life just happens. Good luck! OOP: Thank you so much. That’s the thing - this offer is a positive thing for me and the reaction I get from him is only resentment, which is just sad. If he said I’m very happy and proud, but xyz - then we can discuss logistics and decide whether it’s doable or not. I’d be more than happy for a discussion. But when he’s angry he closes himself and there’s No point in talking. *But if you leave this marriage for the job, you may regret that too:* "My husband comes first. I quit my job abroad and came back to our home country to be with him. I do not want to leave this marriage for this nor any job. I’m hurt that he becomes cold and distant whenever the topic comes up instead of just sitting down and talking. I need to give an answer within a few days and there’s no luck in any conversation with him." *More on what they wanted when they first started dating and what changed:* "When we started dating he was open to move abroad and we had plans to move to our neighbouring country, where he had worked previously and where his father lives. He changed his attitude after getting into his dream faculty that meant he would be more tied into place than me. When we met he didn’t believe in himself and that he could pass the entry exams, I literally pushed him and to practice and try. He’s really good at it, but to work abroad in this field you have to be absolutely brilliant. We both didn’t know the hardships of that before. If he wanted to he could try, but it would be much more difficult than for me. He was still very supportive of my dreams, as for me the field has changed but the cosmopolitan attitude to life hasn’t. He always said it’s sth that drew him to me and that he’s still very impressed with my dedication. This past year I feel like he started to want even more stability like buying a house and have kids. I’m not saying no, but I did say that I want to travel to two places before kids, as I wouldn’t be able to do that for 15+ years if not now." *You basically told him "we're moving-" no wonder he's cold. You want him to drop everything for you.* "No I didn’t. I wouldn’t expect him to drop everything and move, LDR is a thing." *Did you APPLY for this job or just randomly get it?* "It’s within my company, so I didn’t apply. My boss offered it." *How long is this?* "It’s 6 months max. I’m meant to set the branch up for success and independence and come back. If they need more help we can cooperate remotely, as the company works this way 90% of time anyways." "I wouldn’t move until at least January. And yes, I don’t see myself living in that country for longer, mostly it’s a big career jump for me. He’s set on not even looking for jobs there, as he’s sure he wouldn’t find any. He recently said that he wants to quit his current job and try freelance as my salary makes it safe to do so. I brought this up saying he could freelance from there, but he said just „no”. So I think it’s a question of me staying or going long distance for this time." *Can you go offer to go without him for 6 months?* "I did offer that he stays and I go, he didn’t say No but wasn’t happy with it neither." "I could come back even more often as the flights are inexpensive." ***OOP is voted NAH*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/174vowk/update_wibta_if_i_accepted_an_offer_to_work/)**: October 10, 2023 (5 days later)** Thank you for all of the replies, some of the them were WILD, but hey that’s what you get on reddit I guess. Onto the update: After reading your guys’ comments I decided to wait until Sunday to sit down and talk. That way both me and my husband could have space to process our emotions. I noticed that my excitement was clouding my judgement and reading how many of you were saying that my job is more important than him really made me take a step back from thinking about the possibilities and focus on the present. Plus I had to leave for the weekend to attend a course in another city, so Sunday seemed a good time. After I came back, my husband picked me up and almost immediately said „Let’s go”. I didn’t get what he meant, so I asked where and he said „let’s move to \[the country\]. I just have two conditions. One is that you will have a proper contract that states every single expense the company will cover and that you wait until my exam to make a final decision on the specifics, as for now I can’t process thinking about the move. I have too much on my plate”. I was floored. Asked him if he was sure and what about his job and career. He said that yes, he’s sure, as he also wanted to live in that country for a while someday and this seems like a good moment. That he will be able to find something and if not then we’ll still be fine as long as it’s only six months. Yesterday I talked with my boss and asked if we can come back to the planning in December, as it would still give us enough time to organize everything until March (his deadline for the project to start). Explained to him that my husband needs to focus on his exam now, so we won’t be able to plan the move. Fortunately he understood and after a bit of back and forth said that the offer is on the table before Christmas. Perhaps very anticlimactic for everyone sugesting divorce or me leaving to be a girlboss I always wanted to be, but life is about balance and compromise. Sometimes just not between the parties that we thought. It’s not me vs my husband, but us against the world. Or at least my boss’ request to decide about such a huge thing in a week. Especially that it wasn’t my goal in this company, this is literally the first time someone other than a co-owner would leave for months to open a new branch. So Yeah, that’s all! Thanks again ***Relevant Comments:*** *You didn't compromise anything for your husband:* "I compromised with my boss on the deadline, not with my husband. That’s true. But my husband isn’t someone to be forced to do things he sees no benefit in. He actually likes the country a lot and is excited that we can move there with all expenses covered. I think he was shocked and scared at first, which is understandable." *Who would even hire him for 6 months:* "In his field job is project-based and it’s not unusual to work somewhere just for a couple of months." *If the roles were reversed and you heard him bragging on reddit about compromising would YOU feel good about that and respected? Put yourself in his shoes, but I bet you won't because you're not willing to do any introspection:* "I don’t know if you’re projecting here or what, but my husband is a grown man, who doesn’t need babying and can make his own decisions, such as with him wanting to move and having certain conditions. He always thinks carefully before deciding on something and when that moment comes, he HAS decided. If I went to him and started asking if he was sure, whether he feels pressured etc. he’d be like: I gave you my stance, did I not? Then stop digging. When he says a hard no, it’s a hard no and I respect that. When I say „absolutely not” guess what? He also stops pushing. In this situation he simply needed time to come back with „Yes, hard no, Yes but”. What if he said hard no to the move or LDR? I’d probably sulk for a while, but stay. Once my initial excitement wore out and the feedback I got put me back on the ground, I agree that it’s a lot to ask and wouldn’t be okay to push against him." *This exchange:* Commenter: Would it console you to hear him say you’re a grown woman that can make her own decisions? You really don’t want imagine how you’d react at all do you if he accepted a position without your counsel. You don’t actually care if YTA because you got exactly what you wanted. Like most AHs do. OOP: Yes it actually would console me, because that’s exactly what he always said when anyone tried to push me to do something. It shows that both me and him can make our own decisions and we respect them. Us staying together is each our own decision since day 1. And I already answered the reversed roles in the original post: he did get offers to work abroad previously and I was always for it. I see though that you already have your opinion and nothing will change it, so I might be an AH for you and that’s fine, but I won’t engage in further discussion. Not everyone has to agree with my relationship dynamics, but it works for us.

WIBTA if I accepted an offer to work abroad against my husband wishes?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/179q0xc/wibta_if_i_accepted_an_offer_to_work_abroad/

17a3s4f

Content Warning: >!Child Abuse, Rape of a Minor, Pedophilia, Grooming Incest!< Mood Spoiler: >!Depressing and disturbing but OOP is feeling much better by the end!< [Post 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/update_aita_for_never_telling_my_mother_what_my/): - AITA for never telling my mother what my aunt was doing to me? - May 29th, 2023 So I (24m) have had my life flipped around. My mom was ten and her sister, my aunt, was 14 when they immigrated from Taiwan. My mom got into a lot of trouble and she and my dad were both 14 when she got pregnant. My grandparents didn't let her get an abortion. I was so close to my mom until I was like eight and then she just started partying, hanging out with friends, arguing with my grandparents all the time. There were a few times when she just took me after an argument and kept me away for a month or had my dad keep me. It kind of continued like that until I was thirteen and my grandparents died. My aunt's engagement collapsed and she moved in to help my mom. My aunt groomed me and it messed me up. My grades dropped, I started screaming at mom and blaming how she used to act for how I acted, I got into fights at school and I was so afraid of my aunt to the point where I'd start cuddling with my mom all night just to stay away from her. When I was sixteen, my aunt got pregnant and she moved away with a friend like a week later. She came over once after the baby, David, was born and when my mom went out for a little bit she made me hold him and took a photo of us and said I should hold my son while I can. Then she moved with David to Taiwan and started living with a cousin. I have tried to forget everything she did to me. I graduated with honours and I got a wonderful job. I have tried to make my mom proud, I mean I just got her a car, she calls my fiancee the daughter she never had. My fiancee is the only one I told this because I had to let her know. Apparently last Monday, my aunt drunkenly told the cousin everything she did to me and about me being David's father. She got kicked out right away and my mom was told everything by the cousin. My mom had a breakdown and she asked me if she was really so horrible that I couldn't tell her this happened to me. She yelled, that she would have been able to help but because I didn't know her grandson is stuck with a monster. She kicked me out saying I never must have forgiven her for how she used to act. I've talked to my fiancee about it and she's said my mom just needs time and can't fathom the idea that she has a grandson she can't help. I am so confused, was I wrong to never tell her? Edit 5/30/2023: I just want to say that I appreciate the support of everyone. I don't know what the future will bring but thank you all for making me a little bit happy. Post 1 Comments: * OOP on being a victim [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13v1xiw/comment/jm3z9cs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*I know that I'm the victim now, my fiancee has helped me understand that. With how people used to tease me for my aunt being how she was, I used to struggle with that. But even though my mom used to neglect me then it's like she's most mad at me because she couldn't save me and wishes she could have. And now I'm afraid that she hates me.*" * OOP on why he thinks he's the asshole [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13v1xiw/comment/jm3zmd5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*But if I'd told my mom then she could have saved me. That's what she thinks at least and now she must think that I hate her or something terrible. So I really don't see how I'm not wrong especially because my son - and it's weird to even think that I have one - is with the person who hurt me.*" [Post 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/update_aita_for_never_telling_my_mother_what_my/) \- UPDATE: AITA for never telling my mom what my aunt was doing to me? - July 7th, 2023 It has been a rough month and a bit since I last posted. The day after my post my mom called me back home and said we needed to talk. And well when I came back and sat down on the couch to talk she just started crying so I started crying. She calmed down first but I kept crying and it's embarrassing to write but I fell asleep. My mom woke me up and we had a talk about things and I have to thank u /BetSavings4279 for what they told me. I told my mom how because of how provocative my aunt was and how other kids would tease me whenever they'd see her I was so confused when things were happening and I was trying to push it all down and away. She even brought up though how she should have known something was wrong because no kid at that age should cuddle with their mom all through the night but she was too wrapped up in trying to have fun to notice. And then I don't know I tried to tell her how much I've worked to make her proud and she told me that she's always been proud and I'm proof that she didn't end up being a waste of space like her parents always called her and I'm her entire life. And then she admitted that she called my aunt the night before and she told me that even though she wanted to be sly with things to find out about David, my aunt knew why she was calling. It turns out after my cousin kicked her out, my aunt moved in to a hotel room because she couldn't afford an apartment. My mom offered to pay that apartment on the condition that she sends David to her and my aunt agreed. My mom told me that she wishes she could send my aunt to jail so she could suffer but she won't fail her grandson like she failed me so she had to bring him. He came a week after and my aunt did not come with, she sent him on the plane with a relative who didn't know what was up and left the day after to visit other people. He was really quiet and confused and my mom took him around everywhere trying to get full custody of him right away. I don't know anything about this legal stuff or how he was even allowed to come with a guardian but my mom has told me not to worry about it and she's handling it. He did refer to my mom as his aunt when he came but as soon as our relative left, she made him start calling her grandma and as weird as it's been, calling me dad. He seemed uncomfortable with it but he's kind of gotten used to it. My mom has loved being a grandma and David is already really attached to her. I know it's only been a little bit since he came but it reminds me of myself at that age with how I used to cling to her. She's introduced him to all her close friends. Whenever they ask about his mom, she just says that she's in Taiwan and sent him over for a better life us since I'm getting married. Yesterday my mom did talk to me and point out some strange stuff with David that she's noticed and her belief that my aunt was starting to do to him what she'd done to me. I don't really know what to do with that info. My fiancee has told me I just need to keep handling it like I'm doing and stay confident. I'm doing my best but with how things have been I don't know if it's good enough. That said, I do feel like I'm mentally better knowing my fiancee is good with my mom taking in David and my mom and I clearing things up about what my aunt did. Post 2 Comments: * OOP on being called dad [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/comment/jr6qp6k/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*My mom is going to seek custody of him and will be the one raising him. I'm not taking it, we had decided that was for the best because my mom doesn't want me thrust in that role without being ready for it. Yes, it's weird to have him calling me dad but I can accept it because for better or worse it's who I am and maybe in the future things can be different.*" * OOP on David being a do-over baby [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/comment/jr6qy2g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*My mom is taking him to a children's therapist. At first it was to help him adjust from moving from Taiwan to here but now she's got a referral to take him to a specialist as well. And maybe he is her 'do-over baby' but I guess the way I see it is if she can raise him how I wish she'd have raised me, then I really was never what was wrong but it was the situation and I can be happy for her.*" * OOP on if a DNA test was done to verify David is his son [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/comment/jr6q9st/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*Yes.*" * OOP on legalities involving David [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/comment/jr6wzm6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*We did get one. He is mine. My mom is handling the legal stuff and as of this morning, she's assured me that she'll be able to be David's legal guardian soon and my aunt will have no right to take him away. I really don't know the legal stuff or anything and my mom knows it'll stress me, so she's keeping me dissociated from it all. And honestly, I know she should be in jail but I don't think we can do anything to her with her in Taiwan.*" [Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14zk42n/oop_asks_aita_for_never_telling_my_mother_what_my/): July 14th, 2023 [Post 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/171ifef/update_2_aita_for_never_telling_my_mother_what_my/): UPDATE #2: AITA for never telling my mom what my aunt was doing to me? - October 6th, 2023 I don't really think I'm going to keep doing these. Maybe I'll do one way into the future if I do. But I felt I needed to give another update because I got a lot of messages about my aunt and I felt I needed to get some things off my chest. I do wish things were different and I wasn't in this situation, but I am in it and I have to see the good because the bad can be too much. I know some people would love it if I made this update about going on Facebook or Twitter and blasting my aunt on it and the police in Taiwan locking her away for life but it's not. It's hard to write or talk about her outside of something which I know is private like this. And if I had to think, that's because I still feel guilty and conflicted and almost wonder if I deserved it or if I wanted it even though I know that's not true. I hope that she lives a terrible life but what's best for me is staying separate from her forever and I won't be doing anything to associate with her again. A lot of people had an issue with my mom forcing David to call me dad or father while taking the title of grandma. And I won't lie, it is weird and it is uncomfortable, especially because I don't feel like a father and I don't even know what that means to be one. But it's not making me feel sad or mad or anything, just a little off beat and I don't think it's anything to be angry over. And as for the rest of it, my mom officially has custody of David. I don't know how the process went, I don't know how it happened so fast or if it was even fast. I do know she did get sent documents from my aunt's lawyer in Taiwan but she's kept me uninvolved to avoid stressing me. The thing is that one day David said something about his mom needing him to make babies. My mom honestly cried harder than she ever has that night and when I went to her she just kept crying and hugging me and saying she's sorry. I do hope that David will snap out of it soon, he does like seeing the child psychologist my mom takes him to. She's gotten David into school but because of his situation, they have meetings with a school district psychologist, she's got him a translator (because his English isn't that good - it is getting better) and apparently the school's resource team is setting up something called an I E P. As for David himself, it's weird that he misses his mom but he does. I get missing Taiwan and being scared of a new place but I don't know why he misses her especially since she was doing that to him. He's become really attached to my mother and my mom really loves being grandma. She joked to me one day that the best thing is that nobody at work flirts with her anymore because she's a grandma. I guess the line for some guys is she's a grandma before she's 40? She takes him to the temple, the park, loves cooking traditional food for him and always speaks in Mandarin with him. She even went out and bought a lot of parenting books and signed up for a class to make sure she can do it right even when it gets tough. Our interactions have been limited and I think he's scared of me but my mom's told me over and over again that it's all right and I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. I did ask her why she's not forcing me to be more involved but she just said she feels it'd be wrong to force me. And another thing that happened is that my father found out about David. My father's not really in my life, he has his own wife and kids and he's focused on them and I'm adult now, so I'm at peace with what our relationship is. Honestly, this was the first time in months I talked to him and before that, it was last year when he updated his will because he'd decided he wanted me to be the one to inherit his classic corvette. Apparently one of my mom's friends let him know about David and he showed up unannounced with his kids, making them carry two crates full of toys while himself holding a new Xbox (my mom was pissed and has hidden the Xbox). Much more than he's ever got for me. He talked to my mom about everything while his kids played with David and I won't lie, I felt jealous of them because it seems like being an uncle and aunt is easier than being whatever I am. But when my dad talked to me that day, it was alone in my room and he cried too because he never wanted me to be a dad as early as him and it was weird seeing him cry or be affectionate with me. My mom and dad did take David out to the park that day and he honestly had so much fun with them. Like I saw them come home and he was walking between them and my mom was holding his left hand and my dad was holding his right hand and they seemed to be having so much fun. It was almost like that could have been us if the timing was right and that did feel really sweet. My mom's let my dad take David to his house a few times as well and he's started calling my dad's wife Steppie (which is weird because she's more Chinese than my mom is). They still call me on FaceTime just to talk with him and my dad's come a few times since then because they want to see their nephew. My mom is going to go with my dad's family on Halloween because they all want to take David out. The best thing for me though has been my fiancee. I guess I never really understood the term that she's my rock before this but I get it now. My mom gets it too and has me call her whenever I guess things start to get uncomfortable and I get why she calls me when she's in a similar place. Her family has been amazing and understanding too. They've got a very sanitized version of what happened to me but just like my mom, but they've all been so great to me. It's weird because it's like I got the one fiancee whose family treats me good despite it. And I won't lie, her parents are very traditionally Chinese and I was scared they wouldn't keep approving of me but her grandfather gave me a hug. So, I am in a better place and my fiancee is probably the biggest reason why. Thanks for listening to my Ted Talk.

AITA for never telling my mother what my aunt was doing to me?

NEW UPDATE

BlujjonBudgie

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17a3s4f/aita_for_never_telling_my_mother_what_my_aunt_was/

17a6rzz

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by a now deleted user in r/trueoffmychest. An update was provided by the OOP with a new account u/Walrus877 Trigger Warning: >!infidelity, parental alienation, financial abuse!< Mood Spoiler: >!positive!< **New updates are from 8th October 2023** I've also added in comments from the posts from the original. Original BoRU is [here](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/OikEhWKORD) Updated J to John for better readibility &#x200B; [**I've fallen in love with the husband of the women my husband is cheating om me with**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y24pxc/ive_fallen_in_love_with_the_husband_of_the_women/) **- 12th October 2022** I'm so sorry. there are a lot of errors in the title and the text. while I think my English is pretty awesome. its not perfect. so sorry for any confusion this is going to be a long post. will do my best to make it short. I found this sub on a podcast. maybe I can find comfort about what've been weighing me down for almost a year now I'm (f36) and my husband is (m38). we have been together for 10 years. we have one daughter who's (f6). she's everything to me. I found out a year ago that my husband is sleeping with his employee (f30) , how? her husband, let's call him John (m35) contacted me. he was heartbroken and he thought that I ought to know. he provided me with text messages and dated when they've been in hotels. I recognized my husbands style and I recognized the other woman. I have seen her on multiple occasions when I visited my husband at work. she'd been nothing but kind and pleasant towards me and she always doted on my daughter. I asked John what he wanted to do an he said that he wasn't sure yet so I requested that we should meet. He agreed. I told him about my life and that I'm currently not working after the pandemic I lost my job and now the economy I haven't really had any opportunity to find job. instead I've been studying these past 2 years. if I divorce now I won't be able to provide for my daughter. that would probably put her in my husband's custody as a primary provider. I asked him if he could wait for a few months, hopefully longer therefore and to my surprised he agreed. I thanked him profusely but he told me that he didn't know what to do either so he's happy to wait. also, the other woman has 3 children from a previous relationship and he was worried that she would refuse him being in their lives once he confronted her because hes not the father. we kept in touch however. he called me a few times a week and soon we started to talk about other things other than our failed marriages. afterwards we started going for walks, coffee movies etc. I found myself thinking about him often with a smile on my face. he was the first thing I thought of in the morning and the last thing I thought of before going to bed. for the last 3-4 months we probably mentioned our spouses one or twice. we talk about everything else. and he always makes me laugh (he thinks I'm funny too :)) 2 weeks ago we were having a picnic and he just blurted out "I think that I'm in love with you". when he then explained himself it just drove the point home that I also am in love with him. he said that at first he wasn't sure why he was feeling like this towards me and explained it away as two jilted people finding comfort in each other but that he then realized that he wasn't broken anymore. that he even thinks of his wife's infidelity as a blessing because it lead him to me. that was exactly how I felt too. I didn't know what to say. I told him that I'm terrified that these are false feelings that would go away once we've freed ourselves from those who hurt us. he just beamed at me and said he was willing to take the risk just to find out. he kissed my hand because I thought we were still married and if we did something then how are we better than our SO? I don't know what to do now. I find myself daydreaming about him. about introducing him to my daughter. kiss him. wake up next to him every morning. I still have one semester left and then I'm probably going to find a job. I've already had some offers for when Im finished with my studies. I have thanked John so many times for being so patient with me about everything. I appreciate that hes waiting for me to put my life in order before we expose our spouses who aren't really seeing each other as often as they used to do. he told me hes happy to help and he just wants a real kiss as a thank you when everything is over. my goal now is to secure my job and leave this marriage. am I pathetic for wanting to give John and I a shot and see where it would go? can two broken hearts really find happiness together when their love story started like ours? &#x200B; **Comments** User1: *do a swapperooni* *this is the perfect outcome* User2: *Friends of mine met in exactly the same way. No joke. He went to her and exposed their partners cheating. They went for coffee and fell in love. Still together almost 20 years later. Their exes didn't do so well, however.* &#x200B; [**John and I have decided not to see each other anymore. (I am in love with the husband of my husband's affair partner)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yamc5c/j_and_i_have_decided_not_to_see_each_other/) **- 22nd October 2022** Hi again! This is not an update. Since nothing new has happened in my life. But I’ve been feeling so down lately and my emotions are all over the place. Hopefully this post will help me sort out my feeling. I’m sorry if you find it confusing but this is how I’m feeling right now. Confusion. Also, I’m sorry, but it’s going to be a long and bumpy ride like my last one. I’m still busy with my studies. Especially now so close to the holidays. Thereafter I’m going to have a break until January 16 and the start of my last semester. I have got two job offers. One with unpaid internship starting in April. I like this job very much since I would be working from my laptop most of the days the other one is more of an in office job but with better pay. I don’t know how the custody arrangement is going to be but I feel like a job with more flexible hours is a better fit for me. The reason why I’m writing now is that John and I met yesterday. If you remember my last, we decided not to see each other (at least not as often) since the “I love you” talk. We did good keeping that promise, but we still saw each other once since I wrote here and we continued texting and calling each other on a daily basis. Yesterday we met on John’s initiative. When I got to the park, to our usual meeting spot, John was already there. He had flowers, coffee and cake (I love cake!) and he told me that we’re going to have a little celebration. He said that today was the day we first met a year ago. Yes, it was. I remember that day very well, it was raining then too but it was much much gloomier. I remembered how broken and desperate I was. The feeling that my world had ended. We talked a lot about the progress we made and how much stronger we both felt now. He told me he loved me and it was all I could do not to just fuck everything and jump into his arms. He is so lovely. When I got home my husband had already picked up our daughter and they were just joking around and having fun. I felt so much sadness and pure horror building up inside me. What am I doing? What are we doing? All of us? The guilt that washed over me seeing my daughters happy face playing around with her food. I couldn’t take it. My husband and the other woman haven’t texted at all this month, and they haven’t met either or at least as far as John and I know. Of course, they work together so we don’t know if the affair has subsided or that they just have learned to be more cautious but my husband has been more attentive at home. Warmer and more present. He says he loves me all the time and that he misses me. I haven’t been intimate with him since I found out about the affair and even the smallest touch from him irks me, and any beautiful word or compliment from him sets my teeth on edge. I just want to scream LIAR and I feel like I’m cheating on John accepting my husband’s affection and the disdain for myself becomes unbearable(make this make sense! please!). I looked at my husband and tried to remember what I loved about him but I couldn’t. All I could see is his texts to her, about how great last time was and what he wanted to do to her next. All the things he once said he wanted to do and did to me that made me feel so special. I tried to think harder about the love, but all I saw was John’s face. I felt immense rage and hatred towards my husband but also towards myself and John. My husband because he broke us and brought this mess upon us and myself because I felt that I wasn’t trying hard enough with my heart occupied with someone else. Have I just given up so easily because I loved John? And my daughter? She is the one who’s going to pay the hard price of seeing her home break because daddy is a selfish, greedy cheater and mommy isn’t trying hard enough to save her marriage when she is pining for another man. I couldn’t control my feelings of anger and resentment and guilt so I wrote John a long text telling him all this and more. He tried to call me but I couldn’t answer him. My heart was swollen in my throat. I told my husband that I wanted sleep in my daughter’s room tonight, something I’ve been doing a lot since this all started. I cried all night watching her beautiful face so peaceful and happy. This morning John called me again and we talked for over an hour. He was very subdued and I heard the fear in his voice. He told me that he respected my wishes in taking a break from each other but also to remember that even when I was at my weakest I still knew exactly what I wanted and that I chose to stay to secure a future for myself and my daughter “You’re too close now to your goal just to stumble and fall”. He said he loved me and that he never felt like this before. And that he will wait. I cried for a good hour afterwards already missing his voice. I know that my marriage is unsalvageable and I that I’m doing the right thing leaving it even with the nagging feeling of guilt that’s simmering beneath the surface, boiling over every now and then waking me up at night but I need to do this alone now. I want to look back with no regrets. The guilt will probably never going to go away entirely but at least it won’t have John’s face now he’s not in the picture anymore. So that’s what’s been up with my life. I told you that it wasn’t an update really and I’m sorry that it is long and confusing but that’s all I have right now. Edit - I'm not staying in my marriage. I don't know if my English is this bad or if people don't bother reading long boring rants. I apologize for both but I'm floored because of the amount of comments and attacks on me as a person and a mother for "staying with my cheating husband" Please tell me where did I say I was staying? I broke it off with John yes, but it wasn't because I'm going back to my husband. Again, WHERE DID I WRITE THAT I WAS STAYING WITH MY HUSBAND? &#x200B; **Comments** User1: *Please, don't stay in a doomed marriage for the sake of your daughter. You and your child deserve more than an illusion.* User2: *Yeah my mom cheated on my dad and they stayed together for the sake of their children. My entire childhood I wished that they would split up, and as an adult I still do. It's the same for my siblings. Kids hear and feel everything.* &#x200B; [**John has now left his wife (a short update)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ynwxc1/j_has_now_left_his_wife_a_short_update/) **- 6th November 2022** Hi everyone! I know! I had a dramatic episode last time I was here and swore not to update again but I'm a woman I can change my mind if I want to. Last time I was overwhelmed by the amount of comments and messages about me being a bad mother and I just couldn't take it so I freaked out on you but today I have a little update, it's not about me. It's about John John's mom is sick, she lives in another city about 7-8 hours drive away. John went to visit her and he texted me before going (he apologized for texting me because we weren't suppose to keep in touch anymore but he wanted me to know he was out of town). I drove over there on Thursday because it sounded like it was serious. I arrived to the hospital around noon. He looked miserable. His mother isn't even old she is 58. My heart is breaking. I could only stay for an hour before heading back home. I feel so guilty leaving him alone. His sisters live across the world and they won't be able to fly home before Christmas. On Friday, John came home and broke off his marriage. I don't know all the details but he didn't mention to her that he knew bout her infidelity. Just that he wasn't happy anymore didn't want to be married to her. He texted me and thanked me for visiting him and his mother and told me about him filing for a divorce from his wife. He is moving back to his home town to be with his mother. He left yesterday but he will be back once more to get the rest of his stuff. Even though I understand him and even if I wasn't seeing him anymore, the city feels empty and gloomy without him. &#x200B; Comments User1: *Thanks for the update. It was still nice of you to be there for him and his mom. Keep us posted because things are going to take a turn with your husband’s AP.* >OOP: I have noticed my husband more busy with his phone this weekend, especially yesterday. Maybe they have started texting again now and she told him about her marriage? I don't know. User1: *If he leaves you to be with her, are you prepared financially and have that attorney retained?* >OOP: If he leaves me now. I could stay with my family but there's a good chance that I lose custody of my baby until I can find a job and a place and can prove that I can take care of her financially. > >It would be a nightmare &#x200B; [**I have told my husband that I know about his affair and that I’ve been working towards leaving him for the past year**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zive6j/i_have_told_my_husband_that_i_know_about_his/) **- 11th December 2022** Hi again! I'm sorry I deleted my account. I'm very new to this and I just could't handle the criticism I was getting so I deleted my account. I have understood now that the internet doesn't owe me politeness and people will say their opinion because I put myself out there and that makes it, I guess, ok for people to say hurtful things because I CHOSE to share my story. I have learned that I could deactivate all private communication, so if you have something nasty to say, be brave and put it in the comments instead :), Although I'm hoping for less amount of negative comments this time since people were mainly angry that I was taking my time to leave my husband. Thankfully, while my account is deleted I still, with some digging found my original posts. I have included them here to those who haven't followed my story. I'm still going strong with my studies, and as I said I have secured a job in April with decent salary that will increase with 30% once I graduate 2 months later. I have also signed a lease on an apartment that is a few blocks away from my daughters school. You can't imagine the happiness I was in when I found the apartment but most importantly that they accepted my bad credit, having not had income for over 2 years now. My new job contract and "reference" was enough, and I have to pay for 3 months ahead. I get the keys April 1st too! I still need to talk to a lawyer I just don't want to throw my money before it is getting closer and I need the help. I have found nonprofit org for women that I could call and ask for information and advice. I'm not really in an abusive marriage but they have experience of all sorts of marital and divorce problems. As I stated, since I found out that my husband was cheating on me, our sex life died. In the beginning my husband didn't seem bother about it, probably, no certainly because he had someone else, someone new but with time (it has been over a year now and god it has been the longest and yet shortest year of my life), with time he started to show me affection again, trying to get intimate with me. I avoided him like the plague. He never pressured me but he was getting upset and I felt him getting frustrated. I think his affair had died out by then, or maybe it wasn't as fun and exciting for them? I don't know, I'm not an expert on affairs. For over 2 months now he has been trying to open the subject of our non-existent sex life but I just told him that I didn't have a drive, or that I was busy, this being my last year of my studies. I have been able to keep him at bay and while my explanations and excuses were't making him happy they were good enough to keep him away, that until about a week ago when he wanted to discuss this seriously. I told him again that I was busy and that my sex drive is very low (it is), he said that it wasn't just the sex. We had no intimacy, he barely is allowed to be near me, I never talk to him anymore, like I don't make an effort anymore. I asked him if we could just wait until after the holidays because I'm too busy (And I didn't want to ruin it for our daughter who loves Christmas). He then said something that triggered every nerve on my body. Something like it was not healthy for a marriage when one partner neglects the other because then you start looking somewhere else. I just said that it wasn't true because he started sleeping with (her name) way before I started "neglecting him". He was in total shock. First he tried to know more, maybe he misheard me, then he started to deny it, then made excuses, then started apologizing, then he started asking for details, and what my plans were. When I told him about me getting a job and an apartment, he started pleading trying to hold me. Now this past week, he's tried to talk to me every day and I have been calm with him. He had so many questions. Why didn't I tell him before, at least he could have explained. She meant nothing to him. The relationship ended. He had no feeling for her. It was just physical. He loved me and nobody else. Think about our daughter. He regretted what he did and that's why he ended it. Why was I not more upset? I told him that I had mourned us for a year and that I'm over it now. He still thought this was unfair because this is all new to him. I told him about my job, my new place and I asked him to be patient with me and to think about our daughter and put her first in whatever is coming. He was so angry by that and told me that if I thought about our daughter for a second I would have confronted him there and then. Be honest. We could have tried to fix it with therapy and some effort because he never loved anyone like he does me and he would drop everything else to try and make it right with me. But I chose secrecy, plotting and planning my life without him while pretending everything was fine (did I though?). I started crying and begged him that however angry he is with me, not to take it out in a way that affect our daughter. I told him that I did all of this for her, I didn't want her to see us fight, I didn't want to leave without having the means to offer her a good life. Now he is so angry with me all the time. He barely looks my way. He is still sweet with our daughter though and that is comforting. I sleep in my daughters room most nights. I never meant for it to blow up this soon but you can spend your whole time planning and preparing the perfect exit but life has never been predictable. I don't regret my outburst. Maybe it was time anyway. I will continue communicating with him about the importance of staying civil to each other. He is angry now and he feels cheated and deceived and I get all that but I need him to put aside the hurt and think of our daughter, just like I did. And just like I did, he will get over the pain in time. Sorry again for the long post and for the grammar edit: John is in the process of divorce too. He has moved back to his home town because his mother is very ill Im afraid His sisters live in Australia but they have both come home so it feels good that he and his Mother are not alone. I have visited them 3 times since I heard the sad news but he lives far away so I haven’t be able to stay for long periods to support them. We talk over the phone every morning though. He is devastated edit2: No, I haven’t told my husband about John nor am I gonna. If by any chance John and I end up together, then everyone will know including my husband but we are not will telling my husband or anybody about how John and I met. We have decided that long ago when we were dreaming about our future together that we wouldn’t tell our exes how we met. It is for the best for anyone involved. I’m keeping this promise. It is nobody’s business but ours. We don’t know what the future hold. John lives in another town, 8 hours drive away. We haven’t talked about “us” in ages. We have a lot going on in our lives separately. All I care about now is his mom doing better or at least not suffer. &#x200B; **Comments** User1: *You were secretive? While he was, what, open about cheating on you? Ughhh* *I'm glad you are getting out of this soon. His audacity of putting the blame on you is mind boggling.* &#x200B; \*\***New Update starts here\*\*** [**I don’t know if you remember me from about a year ago (I fell in love with the husband of my husband’s mistress)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1738tmm/i_dont_know_if_you_remember_me_from_about_a_year/) **- 8th October 2023** Hi everyone! I hope you’re doing well. I was here about a year ago with my story. 2 years ago I found out that my husband was having an affair with one of his employees who was married at the time. A year ago, I was here telling my story. I deleted my posts but I found them all gathered in one post when I googled myself. I will include my old story (on my bio) to anyone who doesn’t remember or know my story. Also the usual disclaimer that my English will suck and my post will be long and ranty. My apologies. I have had the hardest year yet of my life even if not everything has been negative. I have a great job now with a great company and great and supportive co workers. I’m so thankful for that. I live now in my own apartment. That’s where the greatness ends. Because it doesn’t matter how long you have known a person, how much you have trusted and loved them or how much you thought they loved and valued you, you don’t really know them before you hit rock bottom with them and my ex-husband (still legally married because he is still refusing to sign any papers) has shown nothing but cruelty and vindictiveness towards me and at times our daughter, making me question why I have chosen to rock the boat. I thought I was doing all of this for my baby. I wanted to give her a dignified life and a strong role model in me. A happy and content mother to be her hero and yet she’s the one who suffered the most during this time. When I told my husband about my plans to leave him, he was in denial at first which was bad but it was nothing compared to when he realized I was telling the truth. He used every mean possible to break me and dissuade me from leaving. He started with threats about taking full custody, then he took all my assets from me. He got primary custody of our daughter and refused me to see her while court made the assessment that I was fit to have shared custody because he filed a motion that I was broke and suffered from mental illnesses(I’m being treated for depression and ptsd) I couldn’t see my daughter for 8 weeks because of bureaucracy and I thought I was going mad because of that even contemplating just getting back together with him to get my daughter back. When I finally saw her I was awarded shared custody, she was so angry and broken. Telling me how much she hated me and how she wanted to be with daddy. He told me that my daughter hated me because I am a bad mother while I knew he was poisoning her mind. Even when we had shared custody and she started to warm up to me again, she still had hard time loving me the first day after she’d been with her father until I win her back and she is almost her normal happy self at the end of the week before she is going back to his place and the viscious cycle begins. He tried everything too not to divide our assets according to the prenup but that wasn’t any priority of mine. Even if I had to start from scratch, I was willing to give him anything not to make him angrier with me that he takes it out on our baby. Once he came with a suggestion that I left him everything and gave away all my rights and he gave me full custody. I thought something finally heard my prayers before he changed his mind and filed new motion suing for full custody. He was playing with me. During this whole ordeal I was feeling doubts and resentment towards myself for not just complying and obeying him and stay with him until our daughter is older. The self doubt and fear were almost paralyzing and one day in the beginning of summer I wrote a very long letter to him reminding him of his love for his daughter and the promise he made to her when she was born to do anything to protect her. I reminded him that I am just a woman and he can (and had) replace me anytime but that his daughter is his daughter. I begged him not to use her to hurt someone who is replaceable. Don’t use a valuable treasure as a weapon to destroy a cheap target. A target you easily replaced once before. He didn’t answer me but he stopped texting and calling me in other purposes other than our daughter. She has been happier too and she says she loves me and she loves daddy. I don’t know if it was my letter but he just stopped all his attempts to hurt me. Once when he dropped her off, he apologized for everything he did back to cheating on me in the first place and said that he loved us and promised not to hurt us anymore. He has since kept this promise. He has during all this time, since January (while I still lived with him) been having an on again off again girlfriend (25f), who when on I get to see my daughter more because I get her even on his weeks. I find myself hoping for them to get back together so I can have my daughter with me in a stable home. I don’t know what the future holds and I hope my daughter forgives us for what we have put her through. Most of the time I regret asking for divorce when she is so little and wish that I have waited at least until she is old enough to understand but sometimes it feels like it was the right decision anyway. Of course I will never know. As for John; He still lives in his home town near his mother. She is very sick and no chemo nor procedure works now. I have visited them as much as I have been able to. He has been great support throughout this ordeal which always made me guilty given what he is going through but he always said he is happy to listen and want to know. We call and text each other every day. Last month, when my husband had my daughter on a trip with his family, John showed up at my door. He said he just wanted to see me and he had booked a hotel room that he ended up not using. He spent the weekend with me in my apartment and it was the first time I’ve allowed myself to be with him. He was everything I imagined and more. He said he loved me and it was all I could do not to start bawling pathetically. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much. John’s divorce is finalized but we have decided not to make our relationship public until my life is in order. We have waited for 2 years what are a few more months? I’m so much happier now. And I am hopeful for the future. Not just for me but for everyone. I hope we can all move on and be happy. &#x200B; **Comments** User1: *Wow, you are a true role model for your daughter. You didn't compromise your worth, and used eloquence to talk your ex out of mentally damaging your daughter. I wish you every happiness, OP.* >OOP: I don’t feel like a role model. I hope I do soon &#x200B; User2: *I’m not sure where you are located but I believe in the US what you STBex is doing by poisoning your daughter’s mind can negatively impact him. Parent alienation. Sending you the biggest hug and I’m proud of you. Your daughter may not understand now but she will* >OOP: Believe me, I have tried this route. There’s very little I can prove in court including this. We are not in the US &#x200B; User3: So did he end up taking all of your assets away from you or did you get to keep them? It’s not fair for him to leave you and your daughter empty handed and dry. You should have fought for money. >OOP: He still has everything and the lawyers need to settle. I really don’t want anything if it keeps him docile User3: *No, you fight for what you deserve. He’s the one that fucked up, so he needs to pay you for what you deserve.* >OOP: We’ll see. My ex owns a lot of properties and his business. We had prenup. But I didn’t get what I was supposed to with the agreement. These things take time I think and it’s all going to my daughter anyway. Right now I have my apartment and my job and that’s plenty enough &#x200B; **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

[New Updates ] I've fallen in love with the husband of the woman my husband is cheating on me with.

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17a6rzz/new_updates_ive_fallen_in_love_with_the_husband/

17a6sy3

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Local_Honeydew **in** r/AmItheAsshole User's account has since been suspended. trigger warnings: >!financial abuse, controlling behaviour!< mood spoilers: >!positive for OOP!<   [**AITA for insisting my friends SO pay their share for holiday accommodation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15i0v7n/aita_for_insisting_my_friends_so_pay_their_share/) **- 4th August 2023** My friend (M47) and I (F43) booked to go to an island we'd both been keen to go to. We booked a 2 bed cabin and because of the popularity of the place we had to book and pay 10 months in advance. We split to cost 50/50. 2 months before we are due to go, he meets someone and they commence dating. The holiday comes up, and understandably she was a bit uncomfortable with him coming with me. I was given an ultimation - either she comes or the entire holiday is called off. I didn't say yes immediately,, because I needed to check with the accommodation as the island has a limited number of guests allowed and I needed the okay from them first. My hesitation wasn't taken well, they thought I wasn't keen. I got back to them within 24 hours and said I'd gotten the all clear for his girlfriend to also come and she could book plane tickets for her. A week later he informed me she had the tickets, and I asked him we we could discuss re-balancing the accommodation costs now that there was 3 of us coming - as it should now be a three way split. I was surprised that he responded with anger. As far as he was concerned the accommodation was paid for and it was wrong and greedy of me to expect money from his girlfriend. He told me that he was paying for the entire holiday for his girlfriend, so it was still going to be just him and me paying, so it was unfair of me to not pay for half. I told him that there's three adults, 3 people, three way split - if he chose to pay for his girlfriends third that was his choice and nothing to do with me. He told me his girlfriend was going to buy me a cocktail to say thank you for the accommodation, but if I was going to insist on a split then I could forget it and buy my own "damn cocktails" as he couldn't beleive I was being so selfish. The thing is, a cocktail is $15, and I was currently covering half her accommodation costs \~ $600. I don't think I was an asshole asking her/them to cover her share of the accommodation. I hadn't even met her yet, but they thought I should cover her costs because it was already paid for. AITA for insisting she pay for her component of the cost? &#x200B; **Comments** User1: *NTA pull out of the vacation if you can still get a full refund, this will not end up being fun for you.* User2: *This OP. There is a very real chance this trip is going to be unpleasant for you, potentially even doing permanent damage to your friendship.* User3: *Being forced to be a third wheel is bad enough, without being expected to pay for the privilege. Also, a free holiday in exchange for one cocktail? Get to fuck!* User4: *NTA. Is it too late to get a refund on anything? I wouldn’t want to spend a single second with them considering they’re treating you like trash for asking for a simple contribution on a trip that the new girlfriend has weaseled her way into. I would bet my bottom dollar that she’s either can’t afford and is insecure, or she’s just THAT entitled. If he’s paying her whole trip then he needs cough up more for the stay. Bad friend.* >OOP: I'm super tempted to throw it all in. Demands have started about removing myself from the cabin to give them privacy and cancelling pre-booked plans because she doesn't want to do them. &#x200B; **Judgement is NTA** [**Update in the comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15i0v7n/comment/juusbn8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 5th August 2023** Thank you everyone, interesting to see various lines of thoughts. It seems there's a split between people that think everyone pays equally no matter what, those that think a couple sharing a bedroom are treated as one person cost wise, and those that think the costs should be split taking into account the shared areas (1/3 per bedroom, 1/3shared spaces). With this in mind &everything else going on I called the accommodation & discussed options, then called my friend. I explained to him that we'd made the agreement to split everything equally when there was only 2 of us going, but I no longer felt that agreement was fair. I suggested the third option - splitting the cost of the communal areas three ways but set cost per bedroom & also stated that any food, activities etc wouldn't be split anymore, we'd each be responsible for our own & they could decide as a couple how they were paying for themselves. It didn't go down well at all. He didn't see why he should be out of pocket because I decided to "go against our agreement that I'm paying 50% of everything". I stuck to it and said that I'd be willing to negotiate the accommodation costs but there was no way I was going to pay half for his GFs activities or her dinners and drinks, and it was ridicolous for him to think I should be paying half of his GFs costs especially since she's a complete stranger and he'd already asked me to change all of our previous plans to suit her. He called me a b-word & told me I was acting crazy. I stopped him & said that from that, I don't think this holiday going to work & I had spoken to the accommodation & I was going to cancel as of today. I told him if he still wanted to go, then the accommodation would hold open the booking for him for 72 hours & if he confirmed with them I'd instructed them to hold onto $1800 as what he'd contributed to the booking & refund me the rest & his GF and him would have to pay the hotel to finalise. If they didn't confirm, I'd get the refund for the whole amount & then forward him his share. He went quiet then told me that since I was 'changing the rules' at the last minute I should leave the entire accommodation payment because it wasn't his fault that I no longer wanted to go, leaving them in the lurch, and I would be ruining his holiday with his GF. I told him I was cancelling & I would definitely not be paying for any accommodation I wouldn't be using. I might have been a little petty when I told him he'd still be paying for his girlfriends costs, it'll just be a little bit more than he was expecting because I was no longer going to subsidise them. I cancelled my flights & the accommodation and emailed him all the details.   **Comments:** User1: *Wow, I am so sorry. They both are immature. I bet you she is young...offering a cocktail and then taking it back? She is young or broke or cheap...not someone you want to go on a nice trip with. I would say, since there are so many requests by her, "this has become a trip more about her and therefore needs to be split 3 ways. How is it fair she gets to kick me out of the cabin?" Sadly you may lose a friend over this. He is obviously sidding with his 2 minute jealous girlfriend over a long term friend.* >OOP: She's 51, so the oldest. I don't know her at all, never met her so can't say whether she's cheap or broke. &#x200B; User2: *Who is this guy to you? How did you meet him, how long have you known him? I cannot fathom someone expecting this from someone else. It sounds like an oblivious, self centered sibling taking advantage of a family bond- type of entitlement. This can't have been the first time he has done something this inconsiderate.* >OOP: I'd known him for 5 years, as a friend. Yes I've had some issues with him for lack of empathy regarding others and some general selfishness- he was a mid 40s guy that basically never had a long term girlfriend, I just sort of went with the "too used to doing his own thing" to pay much attention to it. > >We have travelled together before together and in larger groups. I have issues in the past with his lack of planning, leaving alot up to me, but his entire personality seemed to change overnight when he started seeing this new GF. Nothing was good enough, before he'd at least discuss things - talk options, this time was like hitting a brick wall. His way or no way - decided this was what was going to happen without talking to me, and then got angry when I wanted to discuss it first. &#x200B; **OOP messaged me the following update after this post went up:** Hi! I haven't kept in contact with them for obvious reasons, but through some mutual type of friends, I found out the following: They planned to go but tried to find cheaper accommodation on the island so let the hold expire without making any contact with the accommodation. From my understanding, everything was booked up completely that weekend and for the next 6 months. They lost the option to use the cabin, and someone else immediately booked it when it became free (there's a waitlist). I received back the full deposit and immediately transferred his portion to him as I stated I would, never got an acknowledgement he received it but it was an account I had paid into previously and my bank assured me it was good. A mutual friend told me the ex-friend was pissed off, as - against my advice - he had bought non-refundable/non-transferrable plane tickets and refused to buy travel insurance, so he's out the cost of those fares (about $3,200), and that because I pulled out, his holiday with his girlfriend was totally ruined and I owed him an apology and the cost of the fares. Not going to happen. Myself - I've booked a holiday back at the island where I am in a single apartment by myself 😀 and plan to have an awesome time. **Reminder - I am not the original poster. This is a repost sub.**

AITA for insisting my friends SO pay their share for holiday accommodation

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17a6sy3/aita_for_insisting_my_friends_so_pay_their_share/

17adrq0

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRAboyfriendugh **I think my boyfriend is trying to push our relationship off onto his friend** **Originally posted to r/relationship_advice** **MOOD SPOILER:** >!WARNING: An ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE, do not read if you have ANY problems with the triggers!< **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Rape, stalking, harassment, intimidation and predatory behavior!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/8QyuPzqaye) **Oct 27, 2020** As the title suggests I believe that my (24F) boyfriend (26m) is trying to actively move me to date his best friend? I've been dating my boyfriend, we'll call him Michael, for about a year now. We've known each other for years previous because we've always been in the same friends group since high school. His best friend, we'll call him John, has also been someone I've known for a long time because he's also in the group. John had asked me out years ago but I turned him down because he's always been somewhat of a cocky guy who could never see he was ever wrong. Many people find him charming but I think smarmy is a better word. He seemed offended but brushed it off and even told people that I had asked him out and he rejected me which was fine because it didn't affect my life at all. After a few months all was forgotten and we just pretended the other one didn't exist and that's how it's been for years. Until Michael asked me out randomly and I decided to give it a shot. It turned out we had a lot of similar hobbies and really had a good time so we started dating shortly after that. Now about 6 months ago Michael started to act strange but in really subtle ways. I would talk about how much I loved animals and he would interject that John just LOVED animals. Which wouldn't be weird but he did it with EVERYTHING I talked about with even the slightest bit of enthusiasm. If I loved it, John loved it just as much. He told me how compatible me and John were and how he wished we meshed more. I eventually told Michael I really didn't care what John liked because he was kind of pretentious and we never got along. He seemed really offended but quickly recovered and by the next day everything was good again. About a week after that instance Michael would talk up John randomly and with seemingly no reason. "Hey I talked to Brittany yesterday and man, John is apparently a god in bed haha. Maybe I should ask the guy for tips?" "John is volunteering at that shelter we went to a couple weeks ago - what a guy." "We should have John make us dinner, he's a great cook." It was everyday to every other day I had to hear about John's greatness and it was to the point I initially thought that Michael wanted to date John. Then three weeks ago after we had some drinks he asked me, "If we ever broke up would you date someone else in the group?" I had no idea what to say because it was so random but he quickly filled the void by saying, "I think I would if I were you and John was single." Seriously?? So 3 days ago I confronted him in the kitchen and told him that if he had anything he wanted to tell me I would listen to it no matter what and that I would always be there for him. He seemed confused and told me he had no idea what I meant by that. So I brought up all the times he talked about John and how he would date him and told him that if he really wanted to date John I understood and would support them, after all they're best friends so they obviously have a good connection? When I say he BLEW UP I cannot stress how angry he got. He used a dozen slurs for gay people and said he was disgusted I saw him like that and that he would never do something like that. We ended up getting in a HUGE fight over it because I certainly don't support his language or attitude toward LGBTQ folks and that it was just a vibe I got from him and I didn't mean to mislabel him. We haven't really talked but he's staying at his parents house right now and today John called me to tell me he doesn't support Michael's attitude toward me? And invited me over to talk about it, even saying that Michael was 100% okay with it?? Am I crazy? Am I making up some convoluted story in my head or is this bizarre? TLDR: My boyfriend hypes up his best friend to me and talks about how compatible we are and I'm worried he's trying to push me toward a relationship with him. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Smokd69** >You should ask him why he is trying to set you up with John. >You should also break up with Michael **OOP replied** >>I just didn't want to come out and say that because it's so presumptuous I guess. I have no proof, just that gut feeling that something is wrong. >>I'm trying to think through my options. Because this is our first real fight but once again it's always about John. * **ltt79** >Or Michael is secretly in love with John and hasn't wanted to come out yet. That explains why he blew up when you called him out. **OOP replied** >>Well I've been thinking this over and if that was the case I really don't think he would have said the things he said when I asked. * **hab-bib** >I'd be more concerned with his disgusting homophobia... **OOP replied** >>I definitely called him out on it I think it just took a backseat to me trying to figure out the whole situation in general. But it is certainly not forgotten. * **throwawaymine8** >So it sounds like maybe they want a threesome. Or Michael is attracted to John in some way. Or here's the kicker maybe Michael cheated on you and he thinks that if you hit it off with John and have sex he wouldn't feel guilty about it. Maybe he's like trying to push a free pass on you without coming out and saying he cheated. Or they are swingers. **OOP replied** >>Oh my god all these theories are living in my head rent free right now and I can't get straight answers from anyone. This is going to keep me up tonight I can already tell. **EDIT:** So, I called Michael when he got off work and the first thing he asked me was if I went to vent to John. Naturally, I didn't because we're not close and told him as much. He didn't have much to say to that so I started on my questions that you guys suggested, "Why are you pushing me toward John?" "Do you want to break up?" Etc. He got once again defensive and said he refused to talk about it over the phone and suggested we meet at John's place to talk it out. I asked why John had to be included at all since it is really between the two of us and he basically told me that it's really between the 3 of us?? I refused meeting at John's for obvious reasons and told him if it had to be the three of us we could meet at a restaurant. He seemed fine with that and we scheduled meeting at a bar/grill that's pretty close to all of us. I showed up early and got us a table that had some privacy and not long after John walks through the door. He sat down immediately and started chatting about how we were both so timely and that he liked when women showed up early because it showed they had good time management skills?? 25 minutes AFTER Michael was supposed to show up he texts me and says he had car problems and couldn't make it but to 'get to know John' since I was already there. I'm just beyond livid at this point. John keeps trying to buy me drinks and even tries to schedule another time to hang out. I confronted him about Michael pushing me toward him and he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. I kept mentioning how Michael was talking about him to me and John just said that it made sense because bros have bros backs? I told him the bros can have each other and left fuming. Michael's tried calling me 3 times John's tried 7. I want to cut them both off and say good riddance but to do that would be leaving the friend group as well and I don't really have that many friends to begin with and it makes me so mad that I even have to make this decision. Anyway. That's the update sorry if it doesn't resolve anything, it makes me angry too. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **coronatakeitaway** >I'm going to throw this out there that you did the right thing by refusing to go to John's house. I'm not saying your bf would set it up so that something bad would happen to you, but it looks like John has an unhealthy obsession with you that he's somehow roped Michael into **OOP replied** >>After Michael didn't show up to the bar I was really glad I didn't go to John's. If he wasn't planning on showing up the entire time I can only assume they figured this whole thing out together. **UPDATE:** I went to Michael's house pretty early this morning since I have work today and really needed this resolved. I had been up all night going back through the comments and trying to piece everything together and honestly it was driving me crazy. Michael was alone when I got there which was a relief because I pictured John showing up like a movie villain. He initially didn't want to let me in which was really weird but I told him I wasn't going to leave without talking to him about this. So he finally let me come in, we sat down to talk I asked him about the last night which he said he had car trouble but it was 'all fixed' now. Convenient. I asked him a few more questions but was met with vague answers so I decided to just cut to the chase and said, "Why do you want me to like John? Do you want me to date him? Do you want to have a threesome what is it?" Once again instead of answering he just watched me from his stupid chair and then had the nerve to ask me who I told my suspicions too? So I said I'd been running them through my head but that my mom knew I was coming over to talk (she didn't but he was starting to be really creepy). He got mad and said it wasn't like that and I was making him out to be the bad guy because they were (Yes, THEY) looking for something long term not just a one time thing. And now that all my suspicions were 100% confirmed I told him you can't make plans including someone else without their consent and that I would never be interested in ANYTHING with the two of them and that I was no longer interested in anything with just him either. I started leaving and told him to never contact me again same goes for John and he could share the message when he blocked my way out and said I had to hear him out and his side of the story. I told him I didn't want to nor care to and that he needed to let me leave because my mom was expecting me in the next half hour. He started getting frantic saying if he could just get john over there to explain it would all make sense. So I ran out the backdoor and used the garden exit to get to my car and locked the doors immediately. He came outside and started pounding on my windows saying i was making a huge mistake and that I'd regret this. I was balling in my car when I backed it up to drive away I'm pretty sure I drove over their mailbox by accident because the back of my car has a huge dent. My car was basically out of gas so I had to stop even though all I wanted to do was put as much space between us as possible. (which is when I saw the dent) Right when I was about to leave who else would call my name but his mom? She was on her way home from the grocery store and was worried because I looked like 'hell warmed over'. I told her about everything that just happened and got more than a few stares from other people but fuck it I guess I'm just the crazy lady at maverick. His mom looked horrified for me and told me to stay as far away from him as possible. She told me to come sit with her in her car where she proceeded to ask me when I met Michael which was high school. She figured as much and said that in middle school him and John RAPED a girl together and have a sealed record because they were minors and 'didn't mean to do it'. She told me how sorry she was because she said it happened so long ago she thought he changed. She put him in therapy and thought he was better. She said if she had any idea there might have been a chance of this happening she would've told me immediately. I just gave her a quick bye and I'm so fucking scared of everything right now. I'm going to my moms since they both know where I live. I sent a mass text out to everyone in the group detailing EVERYTHING and so far 3 people have said they support me so that's good I guess. What do I even do? I'm never talking to them again, I've already blocked them both on everything I could think of but I've been getting hidden number calls since. I'm considering going into the police station to file a harassment complaint so that it's at least documented. My mom said she's going to call my uncle who works at the court and see what the next best step is. Thank you guys so much. I don't know if I would've confronted Michael without you guys confirming how weird this was. I'm terrified but glad that I at least know what's going on now. My moms here as my support right now and some of the girls are coming over later tonight just to make sure I'm okay. I'm sorry if this only makes some sense the adrenaline still hasnt left me and my hands are unsteady. I appreciate every single one of you who took time to help me out because I think I got out just in time honestly. Honestly. Thank you guys. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **lackey98** >Do you think this could of been the plan all along? John tries to get with you, when you say no, he told mike to get with you and that works. After a while John tells mike to start hyping him up. Telling you how great he is to see if you interested. >They seem to have a toxic ‘brothers for life friendship, were they share everything. Even girls and don’t really care if the girl wants it or not as long as it’s what they want. >You said in an early post Micheal was the more dominant one in there friendship. I don’t believe that’s the case. I don’t think he does anything without johns say so. When mike was getting frantic, trying to explain, saying it will all make sense when John gets here. I imagine he thinks John can fix anything once John say everything fine it is. I imagine its been like this since middle school. >Go to the police. Tell them what they did to you, what they did in middle school. If you have any text messages, voicemail any evidence at all that this was what they were planing you need to give it to the police. They’ve done it once. They tried with you. If you stay silent, they will do it again. **OOP replied** >>I'm going in about an hour with my mom and my friend Brittany. I have screenshots of the 70+ phone calls from unknown numbers and Brittany is kind of my witness to them trying to find me. Idk really what to do or say I just really hope the police listen to what I've got to say because I wouldn't know what to do if they just dismiss it. * **miserablenovel** >Hey, how did it go at the police? >You're not the only one predators have targeted, you're not alone, and you'll be safe in the end. This kind thing happens to anyone! >I had a sexual assault where I was the victim make the news because the guy was so creepy, so. I hope you are okay. **OOP replied** >>It went really well I'd say. I told them what happened and even showed them this post since my writing is better than my speaking. It's all kind of a work in progress but they were going to talk to Michael and John before filing harassment I guess. Fingers crossed that cops showing up at their houses scares them away. * **Messerschmidter** >You need to file a policereport asap. >Michael and John have a Dom/Sub relationship in where they lure women, and it has probably been going on for a very long time. In extreme cases, these become "Killing Teams". if not handled correctly. **OOP replied** >>I was planning to go in today to do that I'm just nervous they won't believe me. I don't know if that's something tv has put into my head or having no evidence but I'm scared they'll think I'm just overreacting. * **TequilaMockingbird80** >This was the first post I ever saved on reddit to check later because I was so worried about you - I’m glad you’re safe but good god you dodged a hail of bullets there. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling but Just know there is a stranger out here thinking of you and sending you all the positive vibes. >Oh and as for his mum - I have no words for her that are allowed on here - if your kid is messed up enough to rape someone in middle school, there’s no fixing them, not ever, and she knows it, thats just magical thinking/delusional, and that thinking put you in An incredible amount of danger (Especially as she had allowed him and John to remain friends?!) **OOP replied** >>Thank you! Seriously though. She didn't find it worth telling me when they were still friends? Or when I told her how much Michael talking about John annoyed me weeks previous?! I have a hard time feeling anything but resentment toward her tbh **Last Update** I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. Life has been crazy and between everything and the state shutting down again I've been a mess. I went and talked to the police about getting a restraining order but the officer I talked to said it fell into domestic violence and had me file a DVOP (Domestic violence orders of protection) and we have an unset court date to take it before a judge. I'm nervous as hell about it but at least something is going to happen. With Micheal anyway, because I didn't have a relstionship with John and he never technically harassed me there's not much I could do with him. I'm still getting a ton of blocked calls but I'm in the process of changing my number so that should resolve itself soon enough. I'm back in my apartment though we've added some new safety features, (cameras and new locks) and currently it's a waiting game. I have to see Michael in court at some point to tell my story, and John's gone MIA. When the police went to talk to him he wasn't home and hasn't been as far as anyone I talk to knows. I get weird letters left at my door but they've all been delivered by the post office so not much I can do about that. It's mostly rambling about love which gives me the creeps I've stopped opening them at this point and keep them in the drawer for when I go to court. I have an interview for a new job so wish me luck! My boss has let Michael in twice since I've been back and I don't feel safe there anymore. My friends are split 80/20 now. Minority thankfully is with Michael and John but now I know who I can't trust. Anyone who listened to what I had to say and still think I'm being irrational because I 'led John on' is an AH no way about it. So good riddance. Unfortunately my mom wasn't left alone and someone broke her front window so the police also had to show up for that one. It's been quiet for two days now and I'm not sure whether to be relieved or nervous. Does looking over your shoulder ever go away? I hope so. This feels more like a diary now than a post. I'm okay though and my life is getting there so once again thanks to everyone who helped or messaged me. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **atreyuethewizard** >Love these are clear signs of some kind of a psychotic dynamic. Use the knowledge you have. They sexually assaulted a girl in high-school together. Now they are getting violent (such as banging on ur car window, trying to stop you from leaving, etc.). No matter what, keep goin back to the police station and trying to get that restraining order. Everytime they call you? Police Station. Every time they show up at your place? Police Station. If you ever get something from them in the mail? Don't open it, take it straight to the police station and have them open it there. Seriously, every time you get any kind of contact from them, take it to the police. Build a very clear and distinctive paper trail that they are harassing you. **OOP replied** >>I've been writing down everytime I get a call from an unknown number and I have screenshots of all of them (There's like 70) I'm thinking of just changing my number even though it would be a pain. I just wish they'd go away. Michael told Brittany that I stole money from him?! So he just needed to know where I was to ask about it. She didn't tell him but do you think if I brought her to verify how they're trying to find me it would make my case stronger? **OOP COMMENTS LATER ON IN ANOTHER POST:** [OOP's comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/oilpainting/comments/nw58rk/a_painting_i_bought_at_a_yard_sale_to_decorate_my/h1qdpoo?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) **JuliaFYeah** >Hey OP, I just found your older post and your update 4 months ago, are you still okay? Is John still creeping around places you are or has he contacted you? >I hope you are okay and never have to worry about those two again **OOP replied** >>Hey! John has contacted a few people but I recently changed apartments so no incidents since so I'm really hopeful. Thank you for asking it was a really weird point in my life haha * **Aninerd_13** >This guy doesn’t know when to give up does he? **OOP replied** >>I think it was an ego thing that just spiralled. I'm hoping with time he'll move on and hopefully move away. **OOP UPDATES IN THE COMMENTS OF THE ORIGINAL POST** [Comment 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/jj9knv/i_think_my_boyfriend_is_trying_to_push_our/gcgjaar?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) >Michael's tried to see me a few times but everytime he attempts to is just another thing I can write down for my court case. He technically isn't allowed near me or my place of work while we wait but he's tried because he can't take no for an answer. Most of my friends are still with me though and I didn't realise how much I hoped they would be until it all calmed down and I still had them around to help me through everything. [Comment 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/jj9knv/i_think_my_boyfriend_is_trying_to_push_our/gl67mpu?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) >I got a new job and a new place to live after someone tried to break in when I was out of town. I finally got my day in court and Michael can't be within 800ft of me without me being able to call the police, he also can't go anywhere I typically go which includes my new apartment building or job. The letters really helped with all that because everything else was just a my word against his situation. I asked his mom to come as a witness but she refused to talk against her son so whatever. >But yeah basically I'm breathing new fresh air around here. I've seen John twice in passing and it still gives me the creeps. He's not barred from being around me so he makes it a point to show up (public places) when he can and just hang around like the weasel he is. But the police gave him a very stern and impromptu talk when he showed up to support michael at court. I think I'm in the clear but they just want me to know they're still around which sadly there isn't much I can do to stop John anyway. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I think my boyfriend is trying to push our relationship off onto his friend

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17adrq0/i_think_my_boyfriend_is_trying_to_push_our/

17ae865

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Whipped-_-cream in r/TwoXChromosomes and r/widowers** trigger warnings: >!illness, death, infidelity, mention of suicide!< mood spoilers: >!very sad and upsetting!< --- &nbsp; [**Looking for encouragement while caring for my palliative husband**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/16f4zfd/looking_for_encouragement_while_caring_for_my/) - September 10, 2023 First time poster, long time lurker… I’m (42f) currently the primary caregiver to my husband (49m) with metastatic melanoma. His cancer started in his arm in 2020 and has now spread virtually everywhere. His prognosis is dire. Since getting discharged from hospital yesterday, I have had to lift him to help get him standing and give him 9 injections a day. I organize his medication and meals & now have to supervise his walking, as he had a fall before getting discharged from hospital. Today he mentioned potentially picking a date himself for the end of his life. I am completely heartbroken at the thought of losing my husband. We only met in 2017 and it feels so unfair to lose him already. I cry all the time & have gotten really good at silent crying so he doesn’t hear me and get sad for making me sad. So far I’m managing everything, but I’m getting to the point where I need to reach out to internet strangers (in my fav subreddit community) for encouragement and support to help me keep going. &nbsp; [**This is day one**](https://www.reddit.com/r/widowers/comments/16n6jby/this_is_day_one/) - September 19, 2023 He passed this morning. I didn’t make it in time. That guilt is eating away at me and will not let me have peace tonight. This is the first day of the rest of my life and I’ve never been sadder about a life status change before. From married to widow. Just devastating. Thank you all for being here and sharing your stories and providing so much support to one another. It’s really special &nbsp; [**I just found out he was cheating…**](https://www.reddit.com/r/widowers/comments/16sbfhg/i_just_found_out_he_was_cheating/) - September 25, 2023 He died 6 days ago of cancer. I have no words. I’m so hurt and angry. I feel like I can’t tell anyone and sully his memory. How do I deal with this? How do I cope with this anger? This is so unfair. Anybody else have this happen to them? How did you survive this? &nbsp; [**Update: looking for encouragement while caring for my palliative husband**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/16xfuqj/update_looking_for_encouragement_while_caring_for/) - October 1, 2023 My husband passed on Sept 19. I’m very sad to say I didn’t make it there to hold his hand as he left this existence and that is something I will live with forever. However, 6 days later I discovered he was cheating on me for most of our relationship. Confirmed by emails he somehow didn’t delete with pictures of her naked in my apartment (thank god not in my bed). He even bought her sex toys last April (around when we got engaged). No emails after that, but that means nothing really. He didn’t protect me or her from this. I’ve got every detail of her life, her full name and address, phone number & email. She lived around the corner from the hospital he was in, I wonder if she visited him while I wasn’t there when he was dying. I’m supposed to pick up his cremated remains next week and spread them where he wanted. Not sure what to do now, to be honest. What I want from Reddit is this… What can I do to help feel better after this betrayal? I want to be mature but I also want to do the most nasty things to her. Help me brainstorm lovely subreddit! I’m not sure how to link my other posts but in my post history you can see when everything happened. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Looking for encouragement while caring for my palliative husband

ONGOING

Johannes_Chimp

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ae865/looking_for_encouragement_while_caring_for_my/

17ahlxf

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Smooth_Persimmon_814 **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **I was going through a big financial crisis and I said some bad things to my wife.** Trigger Warnings: >!verbal abuse, arguments, Bankruptcy/Insolvency fears!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1728bvj/i_was_going_through_a_big_financial_crisis_and_i/) - **October 7, 2023** I really need some advice, I’ve tried talking to a friend of mine and he wasn’t really helpful and I can’t talk to family about this. I’ll keep it short. I own a small company, about 5 months we suffered a massive loss and to try and make everyone happy, I ended pulling some money out of my personal account but it wasn’t enough. I was almost 2 million short(don’t ask me how) and had pulled from my savings. My wife is pregnant which added a lot of stress to the situation. I couldn’t talk to my wife about this because she is a financial consultant and I talked to her before making my stupid decision and she advised me against. I was trying everything possible to make the extra money, it just made me really stressed. My wife kept trying to comfort me but as she shops a lot it just didn’t make me feel any better. 2 month ago she came to talk to me saying how I’ve been so distant and we hadn’t even been had sex in a long time. I blew up on her and yelled and called her some mean things but I finally told her about my situation. I was just so angry, imagine we might be losing the house and she’s worried about sex. She sold her clothes, and her exotic plants and trees, she had sewn clothes for people and sold her engagement rings (she has 2 because the first one I bought, we lost it then I got her a new one but we found the old one like 2 years later.). Long story short she gave me the money and am back on a comfortable position financially. I have apologised to her several times. I offered to help her restart her garden but she’s not interested. I took her to the same place we got her previous engagement ring and she didn’t care for any of it. I’ve suggested we speak to a therapist but she insists we’re fine. She won’t buy anything nor let me. I really need some help, I know she’s upset with me but how can I get her to talk to me about it. I’ve looked on google and have tried everything suggested, I talked about my feelings in hopes to get her to open up, I’ve taken her places, I’ve made us dinner, I’ve suggested baths together, I bought a plant for us to take care of and more. Nothing seems to be working, she doesn’t even sleep in our room anymore. She has started to sleep in the nursery and has a mattress in there and when I confronted her, she said the low mattress is easier for her. I put our bed on the floor too but she refuses. yesterday I brought it up again, she said she wants to get comfortable there because she will be sleeping with the baby. I knew she wanted to share bed with the baby which is why we got an Alaskan king bed since i move a lot. We were both supposed to sleep with baby. Edit: let me address some of the an obvious things you guys don’t have to in the comments. I know this is an awful situation and that I’m an idiot for hiding something from her and not listening to her advice. I know she is hurt by my actions. I know she sold previous things to help me. I know she’s smarter than me. And I know I’m wrong in this situation. I just need some ideas on how to move forward &nbsp; [**Update #1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/175ki8w/update_i_was_going_through_a_big_financial_crisis/) - **October 11, 2023** Hi so before the update I want to explain a few things. The money I used, is not the family money or from a joint account. My wife handles All of the family finances, she has stressed how important it is for us to NEVER touch any of OUR money for my business. She believes if we allow it once then it will become a habit and she wants to separate my business from our family. we have different accounts for everything else but most importantly we each get our own personal account where in the event of a divorce the other can’t touch. That’s what I used, MY own money. Also my wife doesn’t work, she used to work full time but when we got married, she didn’t want to continue instead now she works whenever she feels like and the money she makes goes to her saving account and mostly into our children’s accounts(we plan on having 2 kids) or sometimes she will buy me something. I’m the sole money maker of the house, so the money I make goes into every account. we do have the house and some major things in her name. I was being a bit hysterical about losing the house as she would never allow me to touch any of our personal finances which is also something she didn’t want when she sold her things instead of taking from the accounts. I want to clarify I never asked her to do any of it, but after talking to her she did say that she felt like i was blaming her and that’s why she felt she obligated to do something about it which I sincerely apologized for. Had I known she would plan to sell her things, I would have never allowed it. But I didn’t know and she surprised me with money. I know many people wanted me to sell my things but I don’t really own anything. I buy regular clothes, as a hobby I play video games and skin used basketballs. I haven’t really acquired much of anything that has the same value as everything my wife has. I bought the house of our cars but all of which constitute as OUR. As for the rings, they are more so for me. She doesn’t care for them, before we got married she told me instead of wasting money on a ring that I should get her her dream house instead and she implied this to the wedding as well. The rest of her jewelry she just collects for money. The bad things I said, I have never called my wife out her name, nor will I EVER. She does however hate being yelled at and cursed at. I’m someone who regularly curses but I don’t with her, and I guess out of anger I did forget. I yelled at her and asking her how could she be thinking about sex at that time, she asked me what I meant, I explained to her while yelling that we could lose the house she got angry with me and asked me what I was talking about and I apologized for yelling at her and cursing then I told her what happened, she was extremely quiet and looked through all of my work as I kept apologizing and then left. I followed her and she asked me to leave her alone. That’s how that conversation went. I kept apologizing and letting her know I should have listened to her but she wouldn’t talk to me. I would text and call her a lot and she wasn’t responding which once again I well deserved. I always listen to my wife on her financial advice this is the first time I’ve ever gone against it. Basically 2 years ago, I hired a new advisor who revised the company plan an advisor she hired at the time had made, he advised a different plan which require me to make some changes to the original plan. My wife approved of all of the changes except one, and she was very adamant about it but the new advisor strongly urged me to make the change and at the time, i thought since my wife only specialized in finances, and the new advisor was also fluent in business management and this was a business decision, I did take their advice over my wife. I completely forgot about it and well over a year later my wife proved to be right. Small note. When I was talking about the sex and the shopping I was saying my thought process at the time. It’s not my current belief. I don’t even know why I thought that. Update: I decided to give her some space and stop trying to talk to her or “love bombing” her. I followed the letter advice and was able to find a Japanese tree that she really loved and I gave that to her. I explained all of my thought process and apologized for undermining her and lying to her and I told her that I will be going through therapy to make sure I never blow up on her again and more. She still didn’t talk to me for 2 days then texted me at work. I’ll post a picture of that conversation. But long story short, I have repaint the entire house, deroot her entire garden bed(almost 2 acres), get her a Shenzhen Nongke Orchid along with an agar wood tree and African Blackwood, I will be eating mabumu and okra with her for the rest of the pregnancy, I have to remove profanity from my vocabulary entirely (before she was fine with me cursing as it long it wasn’t around her and especially towards her, in 13 years I’ve done really great at that) and more. But I have to continue going to therapy until my therapist tells her I’ve improved, until I replace her trees and plants(which will take some time since a lot of them I won in auctions or collected on business trips to countries I don’t even remember anymore), we aren’t sleeping in the same room. But we’ve switched where she has moved back into the bedroom but I have to sleep in the nursery. She also said that if I ever undermined her without clearly talking to her and explaining my reasoning and giving her a chance to rebut if she can then she will no longer help with me with anything regarding my business. Also to clarify, my wife has no ownership of the company right now nor did she want to work for me but in our prenup, if we divorce then she gets 40%. Since she has helped a lot, I run a lot through her. She is someone who is really good with words, she can find hidden things in contracts, and also place them so I always have her read contracts before I sign them and things like that. She is also incredibly smart and meticulous, she can find errors in things even after it was ran through 10 different people. She is flawless, I just had a really really dumb moment. I’m very grateful for all of the advice a lot of you gave. Thank you! &nbsp; **Editor's Note: OOP has posted a new update after his first one, but this time, screenshots of text messages between OOP and his wife** &nbsp; [**Update #2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/175kkzv/messages/) - **October 11, 2023 (Same day - few minutes later)** **TRANSCRIBED MESSAGES** **WIFE:** When do you finish work **OOP:** I should be done here at 6 but I can come home sooner Do you need something?? Is everything ok? **WIFE:** No no you're fine **OOP:** I'll come home in an hour **WIFE:** No you're fine, I'm eating the honeydew you left this morning I'm just wanting something else bit for later when you come home **OOP:** What do you want to eat? **WIFE:** I want spicy butter chicken and naan and mango lassi and samosas bit I also want pondu, tofu and beef kabob, and Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich, fries and mango lemonade **OOP:** You sure you don't want me to come now? You're hungry **WIFE:** Tikka ngai **OOP:** yes ma'am **WIFE:** ne m'énerve pas **OOP:** Of course! I'll be home at 5 **WIFE:** Ok I love you Don't die before bringing my food **OOP:** 😩😩 love you too I'll see you in about 3 hrs &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** >**OP:** This is a conversation between me and wife after i really upset her and she hadn’t spoken to me for some time. I wrote her an apology letter and this was the first time she spoke to me &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

I was going through a big financial crisis and I said some bad things to my wife.

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ahlxf/i_was_going_through_a_big_financial_crisis_and_i/

17ahp73

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/gradthrowaway23](https://www.reddit.com/user/gradthrowaway23/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!some growth!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bpmf2e/aita_for_ruining_my_daughters_graduation/)**: May 16, 2019** My daughter and I have been estranged for about five years now and have recently reconnected and are working on, slowly, repairing our relationship. As part of this she’s been airing out various grievances she’s been holding against me all these years as she doesn’t think holding onto them is “conducive to a healthy relationship”. A lot of these things are petty teenage grievances I can’t believe she hasn’t let go of yet, but one of them stuck out to me. I mentioned it to my husband and he expressed disbelief and disappointment in me for my actions at the time. I maintain that I didn’t do anything wrong but his reaction has me curious. Her email to me about the situation: My graduation was another thing. I don’t know if you remember but you refused to let Gran come even though I told you how much I wanted to her there because of how she’d supported me throughout uni. When I told you I invited her you said you wouldn’t come if she was there so I had to disinvite her by lying about their being a limit on tickets per person. As if that wasn’t bad enough, you and Daddy refused to sit with each other, take pictures with me or even go out for a celebratory meal afterwards. I have ONE picture from my graduation...one...and it wasn’t even the professional one, it was just one my friend took on her phone of me. I don’t think you and Dad dealt with your split very well AT ALL in regards to your children but it really hurt me that you (the both of you) would be so selfish about that. I just wanted one afternoon. For background, I am estranged from my own mother and have split up with her father. She says it was selfish of me not to allow my mother to attend her graduation or to spend extra time with her father, but I think it was selfish of her to ask that of me. It’s bad enough that she continues to keep in contact with her grandmother when I asked her not to. Anyway, I want to know if I really was the asshole here. ETA: (Same Day) Though I disagree that my feelings weren't even worthy of consideration in this situation. Would it not have been best if asked me for compromise? For example, I would attend the graduation and she could have a celebratory meal with her father and grandmother separately afterwards? But I can see here that the overwhelming consensus is that, in this instance, I was the asshole to my daughter. Fine. I'll apologize again. ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP's defence:* "Should a child not respect their mother's wishes about who they should or shouldn't talk to??? I've asked my children many times not to keep in contact with my mother and they still disobey me, I don't think it's surprising that I wouldn't want to be seated with her." *You need to apologize and actually mean it:* "I did apologize but I don'T see how I was the "asshole" in this situation. If anything we were as both as bad as each other." *People suggest her daughter needs to look at the raised by narcissists subreddit:* "HA! That's a word my daughter keeps throwing about. I'm not a "narcissist" if anything she is." *Now I'm really curious what the other grievances are:* "Petty stuff you would expect someone to grow up and move on about once they became an adult." ***OOP is universally voted YTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/175qy8m/update_aita_for_ruining_my_daughters_graduation/)**: October 11, 2023 (4 years and 5 months later)** Hi. It's been a while and I'm not sure if anyone would even care at this point but I accidentally logged into my throwaway on an old laptop and remembered this. Quite frankly, I'm really embarasssed and ashamed to reread my original post. My attitude was terrible and it's one of those moments I wish I could go back in time and shake some sense into my past self. As many people in the comments predicted, I know longer have a relationship of any kind with my daughter, or two of my other kids. COVID and lockdowns did a number on our family, I'll just say that. I've been doing a LOT of reflecting and therapy over the last year and I realise I've not been the kind of mother my children have needed in their lives. I have no contact with my daughter now - who has married and moved abroad now - and, from her wishes, this will not be changing anytime soon. I also have very little contact with two of my other children. My relationship with my final child is strained and I am doing everything I can not to break it. After having logged into this account again and seeing that post, I find myself desperately wishing to go back in time and maybe I could've stopped the breaking of my family if I'd behaved differently here. I don't really know what I want to say here. Maybe just hopefully encourage one person who has been deemed 'the asshole' to reflect sooner rather than later and maybe their lives won't go the same way as mine. ETA: I'm going to log out of this account again now. Maybe I'll pop in again in another four years with better news. Thank you for the comments and advice I've received. And to those who think I'm beyond redemption, I truly hope you're wrong. ***Relevant Comments:*** *What happened with the other kids:* \- My son was (is?) a COVID denier and we clashed during the height of lockdown on the best way to go about things and our relationship has not recovered since \- Similarly to my eldst daughter, my daughter has been struggling with issues from her childhood (my fault) and being forced in one home during lockdown exacerbated her feelings and she is now taking time to put some space between us until she's ready to decide how and if she wants to move forward. I have respected this. When I say my relationship with my youngest is strained, I mean in the sense that she very clearly feels conflicted about staying "loyal" to me vs. her siblings. As she still lives at home, I see the fallout of this personal conflict and see hopw it strains our relationship and am doing my best not make her think she has to "pick sides" while also trying to improve the quality of our relationship. As I dont have contact with her siblings, I don't know if they also feel like their relationship with my youngest is strained. *OOP's own mother:* "My mother and I have begun to repair our relationship over the last three years." *What are you doing differently with your approach to your kids still in contact?* "I'm only in full contact with my youngest currently but to answer your question: listening to her and respecting her space and boundaries. That's breaking it down to its simplest form, but essentially that's what I've been working on with my therapist and, from conversations with my children, is the crux of the issue they have with me."

AITA for “ruining” my daughters graduation? A "4 years later" update

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ahp73/aita_for_ruining_my_daughters_graduation_a_4/

17b7kuy

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/RabbiShmitzel **Old man's boat which he has been living on sank this morning....** **Originally posted to r/Netherlands** **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Netherlands/s/tDYnajbQsV)  **June 18, 2023** Hey everyone. A really sweet, old man who lives in his boat for the last few years on Erasmusgracht (Amsterdam) woke up to his boat filling with water this morning. As you can see its a disaster... He managed to save a lot of his stuff, but a lot of it (including his money and keys!) are in the bedroom section filled with water, so its unsafe to get to it. The police explained that he needs to get the boat removed or that a service can come get the boat and scrap it for steel so he can get some money out of it but he desperately wants to keep the boat as he said there is only a small leak that can be easily fixed if he can get the water out. Are there any services or groups that can help him or he can contact in Amsterdam? We are storing some of his stuff in our storage room as we live close by and got him some food/cash so he's ok for now I think. [Photo of the retrieved boat](https://imgur.com/a/zKZI519) **RELEVANT COMMENT/ADDITIONAL INFO** **r0cksteady** >I might have a new boat I could donate to him, pm me **OOP REPLIES AND UPDATES** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Netherlands/s/yfIuIrQD3Q)  **Same Day** >>Wow, ok will do! >>EDIT UPDATE: Hey everyone! Still can't edit the main post so I will tag it onto the top comment for more visibility. I managed to find the Amsterdam Social Services number and I gave them a call this morning when they opened up. Spoke to a helpful gentleman who I reported the whole situation to. The Gemeente is now properly aware of the situation and a report has been submitted (they have my contact details and address). He said that a team will come assist...in a couple of weeks only... >>But! He gave me the address of a shelter where the man can get help with food, clothing and a bed to help him until then. I then went to give the man the positive news and he was happy (I think) that help will come. But he was not so receptive to going to the shelter... The representative from the Gemeente said that he might not be, as many homeless people are weary of Government assistance. >>So I did not force anything on him, I gave him the address (very close by) and the times/days they are open and I suggested that if he feels he needs help he can go there :) He also told me that he slept in a boat nearby (maybe a friend's boat? was hard to understand him...) but at the very least he does have a place to sleep for those that were worried. >>Now, the weird news. I went back to work and he left for somewhere with his bike, and a few hours later I saw a bunch of police and others inspecting his boat. I went out to chat to them to explain the whole story and then firefighters arrived...it was a bit of a scene. A local woman was there (she called the police apparently), and she was saying that this man takes in cats and that the cats had kittens at some point and they all died on the boat. Not sure how credible the story is, but she was concerned about any cats on the boat. The firefighters assured us there were no cats in there, phew! >>She pretty much said this man has been a nuisance and is "crazy". I was bit taken a back at how little sympathy she had for someone who probably has mental illness and is homeless essentially, which I see is a sentiment that is reflected in a lot of comments on this post... >>Still it made me realise, especially after talking a lot with the man, that he probably struggles with mental health problems and he needs help. I am taking a step back from the situation now that the Gemeente and police know about the situation and that he now has the resources to get assistance himself. I think the situation has to develop further and I need to hear from a Gemeente representative before we know what the best course of action going forward is in terms of crowd funding or something like that. I'm in no way qualified to make that call... >>That's it! I'll update more in the coming days/weeks :) >>Also, the helpful user who wants to donate the boat has been in contact with me and has been trying to get into contact with the man, but I think they also need to wait a bit before deciding on the best way forward. And thank you to those who messaged me wanting to help and all the positive comments! [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Netherlands/s/aPwm8aSnbl)  **July 12, 2023** Hi Everyone! I am back again with some updates :) Its been 3 or so weeks since I initially posted about the old man who lost pretty much everything when his boat started sinking one Sunday morning. You can read about it here: /r/Netherlands/comments/14chg6m/old_mans_boat_which_he_has_been_living_on_sank/ The outpouring of support from this sub was truly awesome! Especially from u/r0cksteady who offered to donate a new boat to the old man for free!!! I can confirm that this ACTUALLY HAPPENED! I put the Old Man and u/r0cksteady in contact and he has even slept in the new a boat a few times. However, we are not out of the woods yet... I managed to make a report with Gemeente Amsterdam (3 weeks ago!) and they said they would send a team to help him, but I do not think anyone has come to help yet. Police have visited on several occasions, not to help really, but to keep on telling him that he needs to have his old boat removed. Unfortunately, he lost all of his money and valuables in the boat, and there are several things that needs to be paid for: • Having the new boat towed to a different location. • Removal (and salvage?) of the old boat that sank. • Some funds to help give the Old Man a safety net and get him on his feet again. So, I have started a GoFundMe page to help raise money to help him out: https://www.gofundme.com/f/an-old-man-struggling-to-salvage-his-life?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1 Please, if you can even spare a Euro or two, it will help and I think even if we do not reach the goal, any amount collected will go a long way :) and if you cannot donate, please share this post far and wide <3 Come on Reddit, we got this man a boat!!! Let's see what else we can do!! :) [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/Netherlands/s/UiTdaWMLet)  **July 19, 2023** Hi again everyone! I just wanted to post another quick update regarding the progress of the GoFundMe we set up to help cover at least some the costs to help out the Old Man who lost almost everything when his boat sunk. You can re-cap the whole story from my two previous posts: /r/Netherlands/comments/14chg6m/old_mans_boat_which_he_has_been_living_on_sank/ /r/Netherlands/comments/14xt5z7/update_old_mans_boat_that_sunk_in_amsterdam/ The support we received from nearly 100 Redditors and other individuals is actually unbelievable. Thanks to your generosity, we have raised nearly 1200 Euro!!! This amount will surely be life-changing for the old man at this difficult time in his life. However, I wanted to make one last push for donations as I believe he might be reaching a deadline set by the Gemeente for him to have his boat removed, so the more money he has, the more options he will have. Here is the link to the GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/an-old-man-struggling-to-salvage-his-life?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1 As this will be the last post I make about the fundraiser, I wanted to ask you all about your opinions about how the money should be handled once the fundraiser is closed? The two options are: • Just transfer the funds into his bank account for him to do as he sees fit? • Or, to handle payments for expenses myself (fees, boat removal etc.) and transfer the remainder to him? There are arguments for both options but I thought I would seek some opinions from those who have been involved with story from the start. And please, if you have negative comments that are not helpful to the conversation, just put your phone and walk away before you type anything. Also, if you have contact details of good boat removal/scraping services, please PM me :) I will probably post one final update to this sage once the fundraiser is over and we have a plan to help him :) thank you all so much once again for your help and generosity! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Old man's boat which he has been living on sank this morning....

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17b7kuy/old_mans_boat_which_he_has_been_living_on_sank/

17ba4yz

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/ComplaintHelpful7442 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITAH for leaving my husband for him and his parents rude behavior?** Trigger Warnings: >!death of a parent, emotional abuse, mentions of cancer, spousal neglect!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/175yda5/aitah_for_leaving_my_husband_for_him_and_his/?share_id=mFSzmcObOfmNNZRhPEgiN&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 11, 2023** I 25 F have been married to 24 M for 4 years. The first two years of our marriage, we were stationed in North Carolina but have since moved to Texas where his family lives. Since moving to Texas, I’ve gotten to know my in laws and what I know, is that they are all disrespectful. All of them, almost as if it’s hereditary. Here a few a examples: -I’m Korean and my husbands family is Mexican. My sister in law tried bulgogi, which is beef marinated in a sweet sauce and gagged in front of me when she took a bite of it, spitting it out and complaining that she didn’t expect it to taste like that. -Every time we go out to eat, my in laws will run the waiters back and forth asking for special requests and refills, but if they don’t like the food or they forget one item that they ordered, they will literally tip the waiter change from our of their pocket. I’m talking $5 on a $120 bill, even if their service was amazing. -If we go into a store or go to the gym and it’s about to close, they will be the last people to leave. And not last, as in they close at 9PM and they’re leaving at 9PM. Last as in they close at 9PM and were barely walking out the door at 9:15 Every time an instance like this happens, my husband and I get into it. They usually end with my husband making excuses like that’s the just the way my family is or I don’t care what other people think and neither should you. My last straw was when my mother was unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer. I flew back to my home in Korea to take care of her for a while when she was getting her chemo. I stayed for 2 weeks before needing to go back to my home in Texas for work obligations and can you guess who never once reached out to me the whole time I was there? Yup, my in laws. Not once did I receive any call or text message, not even when I came back did the topic of my mom come up. My husband told me he told them about my mom, so I don’t understand why no one could have just checked up on me or at least called my mom. The next time we saw my in laws, was the next day I came back from Korea. They were over for dinner. I waited to see what they were gonna talk about, and as they continued discussing what cows they wanted to buy, I left to the room and didn’t come out for the rest of the night. When they left , my husband angrily confronted me, telling me how disrespectful I was. I honestly didn’t even have it in me anymore to fight. I just packed my bags and booked the next flight to Korea. All my husbands and in-laws messages and phone calls are being ignored because I just cannot stand THEIR disrespectful behavior. And to hear my husband calling ME disrespectful was enough. Maybe I’m overreacting, but honestly, this behavior is exhausting. I deal with it every time we go out and I’m done. I don’t want to be surrounded by people like this and I’d rather focus my attention on my mom. Am I the asshole? **AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the top comments, OOP is considered NTA** &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** > Thank you for all your responses, those that agree with me and those that don’t because it allows me to see other sides of the situation besides my own. I just wanted to clarify a few things real quickly: > > 1.I did not divorce my husband. I am staying in Korea for the time being > > 2.For those of you asking, my husband did not call me while I was in Korea the first time. Any conversations we had was initiated by me. He did not reach out to me, nor did my in laws. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/176r82n/update_aita_for_leaving_my_husband_for_him_and/) - **October 12, 2023** To clear things up a little, this situation happened over a month ago and I have been in Korea ever since. My husband and I did not get divorced but we had talked things out and decided I needed space to take care of my mom first and whatever problems that we had can be discussed at a better time. As for my in laws, I haven’t spoken to them since. I really wanted to work things out after reading a few of the comments saying my in laws behavior is not the fault of my husband. I thought that maybe I was being too judgy over behavior that Im not used to. That maybe they’re not all bad, but they just have a few faults. As for my mom, she hasn’t been doing so well. She’s been losing a lot weight because she says that everything she eats taste like metal and she’s been in constant pain. It’s gotten so bad that she can’t even get out of bed by herself. On top of that,I’m having a tough time watching my mom struggling and feeling like I don’t have anyone on my side during this time. Especially since my husbands family still hasn’t reached out to me. Last week, my husband reached out to me telling me that his mom had tonsillitis and was going in for surgery. Reluctantly, I reached out to her and told her that I would be praying and wishing her a safe surgery. I even had the hospitals gift shop send flowers up to her room because i couldn’t be there. I figured that maybe they just weren’t the type of people to reach out and that I should put whatever happened in the past. My husband expressed how grateful she was and how happy she was to have received the flowers, hoping that I was doing okay in Korea. Unfortunately, I wasn’t. Fast forward to a week later, my mothers condition had gotten so bad that she lost her battle with cancer and passed away. I told my husband what happened and he was in just as much shock as I was. He said that he was sorry, telling me how much of a good mother she was and how happy she must have been to have me by her side during her last few days. We were preparing to get the funeral done in the next few days so I asked my husband what day he could be here. He was hesitant on the phone, saying that he felt bad for my mother and all, but he also had his mother to worry about. How he needed to be there for her just like I was there for mine. I was in complete shock and just hung up the phone. He is missing my mothers funeral to take care of his mother who had tonsillitis surgery. A week ago. Unbelievable Any chances I ever thought of giving him was completely out the window. It was insane to believe that he felt like his mom recovering from a very minor survey was more important than the death of my mom and his mother in law. I’m not saying that tonsillectomy isn’t important but I’m sure she’ll recover just fine as it’s a very common surgery and the down time is 1-2 weeks. And it’s already been a week! As of now, I have hired a lawyer to discuss divorce and am going to therapy. I plan on going back to the US to end things with my husband, quit my job and take my stuff back with me after my moms funeral. As for his family, I haven’t heard from them. Shocking right? Whatever, I’m just glad i get to be done with him and his family and that I’ll be able focus on myself and my mental health. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***throwawayma1009:** What ? I mean I’m sorry for your loss but having your tonsils out as a older person is pretty dangerous ( it’s less dangerous as a child ) and people do die . I get the fact you are annoyed at his parents but it seems like you WANT to be mad , like you are looking for reasons to leave your husband ( are you interested in another person ?) unless his parents live with you there is a way to just stay away from them.* >**OP:** Yes, I understand that now that it is not minor but she is fine and already back to her job working. I should have mentioned that &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITAH for leaving my husband for him and his parents rude behavior?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ba4yz/aitah_for_leaving_my_husband_for_him_and_his/

17ba6qq

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/nadatam **TIFU by telling my long term gf I pay for sex** **Originally posted to** r/tifu [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/tifu/s/jdHo1Y0Wl3)  **Oct 11, 2023** Actually IFU a few weeks ago but please bare with me. I am only realising the intensity of it now. A little bit of background I (26 M) and my gf (24 F) have been together for about 4 years. She’s from an upper middle class family. An only child so always taken care of. She’s very financially responsible and not bratty or anything and extremely caring. So the entire time we have been together, my financial situation wasn’t the best (until now). My gf knew this but never made me feel insecure about it. She would just pay for things without making a big deal out of them. For example, if she noticed I needed something around the house or if there was something she thought would make my life comfortable, she would just order for me on Amazon and be lowkey about it so that I don’t feel like a charity case or something. She would often order food from her phone and pay for it when she came over (we are both Asian so we often would have a friendly fight over who pays but she would often already have paid). Like things would arrive and she would have already paid for them. She never demanded any gifts from me or anything even though I know she likes things. She would get me really thoughtful gifts for my birthdays and anniversaries and tbh my gifts for her were not the best but she would always be thankful and happy. She was used to going to nice places but would still be excited about going to budget places with me and be genuinely excited. Cut to now. I started a business a while ago and it’s doing really well now and I’m financially comfortable now. I like to get my gf things because I can finally afford to spoil her (little gifts every now and then. Honestly anything she might like). I also like taking her on little shopping trips. Again, she’s financially smart and not very keen on high end fashion so it’s not like she shops in luxury stores when I take her shopping. She buys a few things (also worth noting anything I buy for her, she is capable of buying herself. She has a well paying job, has no debts because parents paid for her uni). She doesn’t expect me to buy anything but I’m happy that I’m in a position now that I can buy her things that make her happy. Now on to my TIFU moment. I took my gf shopping she got a pair of sneakers and a dress or two. Nothing over the top. On our way home we were talking about that viral street video from Japan where men and women say they don’t consider it cheating if a man has sex with a sex worker. My gf mentioned she could never pay for sex and asked me if I ever would. I jokingly said “I already do” and glanced at the shopping bags. Her smile instantly disappeared. I sensed her entire mood and vibe change. I felt really bad for saying that and apologised immediately because honestly, it was a really stupid joke. She said it was fine and we moved on. Now it’s been a couple of weeks since that incident and I’ve noticed that my gf hasn’t used any of the stuff I bought her that day. Usually she wears the things I buy her within the next few days and points out “look I’m wearing the (insert item) you got me!” She says it in a really cute way and seeing her happy like that makes me really happy. But she hasn’t touched the sneakers or the clothes we bought together that day. They are still in their bags. And I think it’s because of that stupid joke I made. I also noticed she had some packages get delivered a few days ago. Usually she shows me what she’s buying and I offer to buy it for her (she doesn’t always accept my offer but she still shows me the things she’s ordering). But this time, nothing. I can’t believe I messed up like this. I think I really hurt her feelings. And the the bonus stupid part is that the things I buy her are a small fraction of what she owns/ buys anyway. It’s not like I fund her lifestyle or something like that. She spent years getting me things and never said a thing about any of it and I just had to make that ill timed joke. I don’t know how to bring this up with her. I really didn’t mean what I said to her but I know she’s an overthinker and probably thinks I meant it. TL;DR I took my gf shopping and later made a stupid joke that I basically pay for sex with her. Gf hasn’t used any of the things I bought her. I feel stupid for making that joke. Edit: I had censored “sex” out of habit because some social media apps censor it out. Edit: I did not expect this post to get the amount of attention it got. I appreciate everyone’s inputs, thank you for taking out the time to share your insights. There are a few things I want to add. A few people called my gf over-sensitive/ boring for not taking the joke well and some even went as far as suggesting reconsidering the relationship/ breaking up. Her and I have a similar sense of humour and always banter and make jokes back and forth. This one didn’t land and it’s on me. I’m not about to end things with her because she didn’t like a mean joke I made at her expensive. She’s allowed to be upset and I’m not about to gaslight and defend what I said by being all “oh but it was a joke get over it”. Some people also talked about how our relationship appears materialistic and that is because I shared a post about a materialistic aspect of our relationship. We spend a lot of quality time together, cook, travel, we do acts of services for each other and look after one another. Most of the things we do together are not about material things, but spending time with each other. I have gone through the comments and agree that I need to apologise sincerely to my gf. I will talk to her once she’s back this evening. I’m planning something special for her this evening (not buying anything as many people rightly suggested it would be a bad idea). So I will be showing her appreciation with my actions and words. I will probably update this post with how it goes. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/tifu/s/qA4vZWw0GN)  **Oct 12, 2023** Hello everyone. This is an update for my post from yesterday with the same title. I think I exceeded the word limit so I’m unable to add it to my original post but here it is: UPDATE: The short version is I am an idiot. The long version is below. I wanted to do something special for my gf tonight before I talked to her. There is a dish from my culture that she really likes (we are both Asian but from different countries). The dish takes 4-5 hours to make so I don’t make it very often. The food was almost ready by the time she came back. I was honestly really nervous because I want her to know I didn’t mean the joke and believe it, because that’s the truth. Anyway, she gets home, kisses me says hi, smiles and cheekily asks what I’m cooking. Lol she knew exactly what it was. She then playfully asked why I cooked it today and I said I wanted to do something nice for her. She was really excited and smiley and said she can’t wait to eat it but wanted to take a shower first. When she came back, I was grabbing dishes and glasses for us when I heard her say, “look I’m wearing the dress you got me!” It was with her usual excitement and happiness and honestly I was so happy and relieved. It was one of the dresses we got on the day of my TIFU incident. She obviously looked beautiful and I told her that. I was a little confused though but also relieved. We had our dinner together and talked about our day and laughed and just had an amazing time. She was so smiley and giggly the whole time that I was considering making this dish every week. She was so appreciative of the meal I made us and constantly complimented and kissed me. After cleaning up we were cuddling on the couch together and I told her “I need to say something to you.” I told her I was sorry about that joke I made the other day and that I didn’t mean it. I told her how much I love and appreciate her and everything she’s done for me and does and that I never want to hurt her feelings. The joke was something I said in the moment and in no way reflects how I think or feel about her. She told me she knows I didn’t mean it and that it was a joke. She said “I literally walked into that joke.” Like many commenters, she said that the entire conversation kind of led to that joke. She admitted that she got a little hurt in the moment and a bit sad but I apologised immediately so she knew I realised it was inappropriate. She also said it bothered for a bit later that day but that she knows I didn’t mean it because our relationship is much more than just sex anyway. I was so relieved to hear that but then I asked her why she didn’t wear any of the things from that day. And tbh what she told me makes sense. She pointed out how it’s been raining on and off the past 2 weeks and the sneakers are white and she didn’t want them to get dirty the first time she wore them (she does this in general so this is not out of the ordinary). As for the dresses, at first she didn’t really have anywhere to wear them because of the weather + she felt bloated when she got her period so didn’t want to waste a cute outfit when she didn’t feel her best. Again, this is totally in character for her so I believe this. But then I asked about the packages. And she looked a little confused, then she got up to get the packages (they were still unopened). She asked me to open them. They were towels and bedsheets!!!!! And we had picked those out like a month ago together 🤡 but were waiting for them to be on sale before ordering. She ordered them because they were finally on discount!!! I felt so stupid tbh- but not as much as I felt relieved. We literally couldn’t stop laughing after I saw it was towels and bedsheets. She asked me if her behaviour towards me had changed in anyway in the past few weeks? It hadn’t! She said I just felt guilty about the joke and that’s why I thought she was still upset. She mentioned that if it had bothered her that much, I would have heard about it within 2 days of the incident. Man I can’t believe I was going through this whole internal crisis. I was so nervous and genuinely scared she was going to dump me (and as helpful as a lot of your comments were, I was really worried our relationship was over). The whole thing is so ridiculous we couldn’t stop laughing. She is so sweet that she tried comforting me and told me she finds it cute how I was so worried about the joke which “further shows me how much you actually value me”. And then she said that if I still feel bad about it, she has the perfect comeback for my joke and in fact, had it on the day of the incident but hadn’t used it because she thought it would be too mean. We were laughing about the whole thing so I asked her what it was. She confirmed if I was sure I wouldn’t be upset- obviously not!!! Insult me back, woman!!!!! “I think we both know that you are pretty much my sugar baby” The way we both broke out into laughter! Man I love this woman so much and I’m so happy it’s all good. And for context, her comeback is great because I do live in her house with her that too rent and mortgage free (all this on top of the background I had given in my original post). Anyway I told her about this post too and mentioned how it got 100s of comments and she couldn’t stop laughing and saying that “you’re probably going to end up on those Reddit minecraft or Reddit podcast tiktoks!” Right now she’s on a call with her parents and once she’s done, we are going to go through this post together because she “wants in on the tea.” In conclusion, thank you all for your insights and inputs. I appreciate it. To those who said I should break up, I really hope that if you have partners or when you have partners and something similar occurs, you are able to talk it out before ending things. Hope all of you have a wonderful day ahead. I know I will. TL;DR I finally talked to my girlfriend to apologise for the joke I made a few weeks ago. We are chill now. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU by telling my long term gf I pay for sex

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ba6qq/tifu_by_telling_my_long_term_gf_i_pay_for_sex/

17bawvs

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Cute\_Classic\_2954](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cute_Classic_2954/). She posted in r/relationship_advice Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the rec. **Mood Spoiler:** >!weird, but a tentatively positive ending?!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1692e2s/do_i_28f_need_to_worry_about_my_boyfriends_24m/)**: September 3, 2023** My bf (24M) became friends with his former professor (25F), sometime last year - I don't know what to make of it. They seem to be friendly and talk consistently every week, and from what he tells me, it's usually very surface level. Sometime last year after the course ended, my bf, his professor, and some of his male classmates went somewhere to eat together. My bf brought up that he was going to be attending an event (plastic modeling show), and his professsor showed interest and invited herself to the event and asked if she could stay at his airbnb with his friends. My bf and his friends were all OK with it. I unfortunately couldn't attend the event, but from what my bf told me, he and a few of his friends met up at their airbnb. That same day, his professor comes to my bf's airbnb and tagged a few of her girl friends along (I believe they all stayed in the same place). The next day, they go to the event, went to a bar afterwards and got drinks. A lot of them (except my bf) got pretty drunk and my bf took the liberty of being the designated driver for his professor and her friends. His professor won some model kit from the event, and even in her drunken state, asked my bf if he could stay up with her to work on the kit together. From what my bf tells me, nothing else happened that night. After the event, everyone from that group created a group chat and they continue to plan and talk about future events together. Since then, my bf and his friends had met up with his professor and got to meet his professor's fiance at an anime convention and it sounded like they all got along well. His professor continues to express interest in other events and it sounds like she may be attending another event with my bf and his friends in the near future. I trust my boyfriend and don't think he is hiding anything from me. Honestly speaking, I think it's hard for me to understand their friendship as it is his professor. I've had a conversation with him on this, and he's let me know that I have nothing to worry about. I would like to hear other's opinions and see what ya'll think of this friendship? Is this something I need to be concerned about or is it really nothing? Thank you all! \*Edit: the professor was my bf's former professor. She is classified as an adjunct faculty and works as an accountant as her full time job (which explains why she is a young professor). \*My bf has not graduated college yet and is still a student at his university. ***Relevant Comments:*** *You should go to one of the events with him:* "I do struggle with social anxiety so it makes me uncomfortable to be sharing a space with a lot of unknown people. I am hoping to go to the next event though since it's local." *Her relationship with students is grossly unprofessional:* "I'm totally with you - I am also quite confused of her choice of "friends". I am not sure why of all places, does she choose to share an airbnb with her former student and to be drunk with them. She is classified as an adjunct faculty, so she is a professor but is part time (she works full time as an accountant). The whole situation feels weird to me." *Clarification:* Commenter: You say “his professor” what is their specific academic connection? She taught him once years ago and now they’re roughly equals and friends? Or she’s his primary support for a PhD? Or what? OOP: The first option - she taught him last year and now are now friends. He is no longer in a course with her. I totally understand how it's possible for students and their professors to be friendly, but i've never heard or seen of a friendship where you consistently talk and hang out together so casually. *So she's no longer his professor- they are two adults of the same age and power level:* "It kind of gives me the same vibes like if a student graduated HS and is friends with their young teacher (obv not the same thing, but a student-teacher relationship is there). I think as a teacher, you should still uphold that level of professionalism and mentorship, even if you are no longer the student's teacher. I also want to note that they are technically not "equals" since they're both in relationships. She can't be acting however she wants with former students." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/176hgv6/update_do_i_need_to_worry_about_my_boyfriends_24m/)**: October 12, 2023 (1 month, 1 week later)** Update: my boyfriend and I had a more heart-to-heart talk regarding his teacher and he recognizes that it crossed some of my boundaries. He believes that she may be behaving the way she does because when she hangs out with her fiance's friends, she gets bored with them (and may possibly be seeking attention from other people?). Several weeks later, my boyfriend had a conversation with his college instructor regarding their friendship and told her how I didn't feel comfortable of their friendship and how he thinks they should keep communication at a minimum. She brought up how she understands because her fiance also had an issue with how she chose to share an airbnb with my bf. She mentions to my boyfriend that she sees him as a brother and that's why she feels really comfortable with him, but that she will try to respect my boyfriend's wishes of keeping conversations at a minimum. Well, even after that talk, she continues to still message my boyfriend weekly on random life updates. And because she is also part of my bf's chat in discord, one of his friends invited her to attend another plastic modeling show (it occurred recently) and dinner. Since she accepted the invitations, I chose to attend as well so that I could personally meet her. The dinner occurred first and it was very uncomfortable because she practically ignored me the entire night. When she joined us at the table, she greeted my bf but didn't say anything to me (even my bf noticed and got annoyed, but then introduced us). She got increasingly drunk throughout the night and was saying random stuff about my bf to his friends like "he could've been the best student in my class but it's cause he missed some assignments" and "\[bf's name\] gave me a 5 star review on rate my professor!". She ended up not going to the show, but my bf had a chat with his guys and they told him that they want to respect my feelings too and make it a guys' night next time. I would like to hear other's opinions and see if you also think she is acting suspicious? ***Relevant Comment:*** *She wants to have sex with your boyfriend. She's crossing major boundaries. Has he stopped conversation with her?* "I wouldn't be surprised if that is her intention cause there's def some shady people out there. I agree, she is crossing some professional and personal boundaries, and I think it's quite unusual behavior for any teacher to act like that. Yes, he has stopped communicating with her. She was consistently messaging him until last week...so hopefully she got the memo.

Do I (28F) need to worry about my boyfriend's (24M) friendship with his professor (25F)?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17bawvs/do_i_28f_need_to_worry_about_my_boyfriends_24m/

17bayai

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/tyopanihobut. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/145m2w9/aita_for_not_preparing_my_pregnant_wife_food/)**: June 9, 2023** My wife is 5 months pregnant and has started to feel hungry a lot. She is recovering from vomiting constantly and now it's just once in a week or two. We both work from home. I try to do the majority of of household chores (cooking, dishes, laundry, cleaning, breakfast, lunch, dinner etc). Though it's a small apartment and no kids so it's not really much work. And we typically just have milk and bread for breakfast which I bring to her bed. She helps with cooking whenever she is feeling good and very lately she has started to cook more than me; otherwise I cook the dinner with often some assistance from her (cutting onions etc). We save the dinner for lunch next day. It's a good going most of the time. The problem is that my wife keeps complaining to me that she is hungry and I haven't fed her. I do offer snacks like banana, fruits and nuts but she says she is looking for some real food because she is really hungry. When I ask her what do you want me to make, she often doesn't have an answer and tells me she doesn't know but is hungry. If I offer to make something, say, soup, or boiled potatoes she shoots it down for one reason or the other (it's carb and not good; it's too light and she is too hungry etc). This gets me visibly frustrated. Today, she agreed to a serving of water melon which I cut and served. While cutting it, I asked her to tell me what she wants to eat because she will start complaining in while that she is hungry and I can't immediately have something ready to eat because it takes preparation. She said she is good for a while and didn't entertain my question. As predicted, when I visited her room in an hour or so after work, she started pouting that she is hungry and I didn't feed her anything since lunch throughout the day. This made me a bit angry because I did feed her the melon and some dry snacks. It just wasn't a proper food. Moreover, I had asked her what to eat exactly for this reason, and she had refused to answer then. I told her she is expecting too much from me - both figuring out what to make and make them. I asked her that she should at least take responsibility for figuring out what to eat and let me know in advance. She felt like I was invalidating her and then said "Okay, won't tell you anything from now on", pouting. I got annoyed and left the room. AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *She's not an invalid:* "Her reasoning is that pregnancy troubles (discomfort, aches, nausea) and work stress is already taking a toll on her - don't disagree there - and I should take care of things like getting food ready. Which I am happy to do only if I knew what exactly to do." *What do you mean "if you knew what to do?"* "As in what food to make." *Make freezer meals/your own frozen meals:* "Oh, she refuses to eat anything remotely "unhealthy". That includes take outs, let alone frozen meals." "Unfortunately, frozen cooked food is a no go. Thanks for suggestions though" *Has your wife been checked for gestational diabetes? It fits what you're describing:* "She hasn't been yet. We will do that - thanks for the tip." *ESH because it sound like neither of you is eating real food:* "Dinner with rice + veggies + lentils/meat. Same thing for lunch next day. Fruits and dry fruits. Milk/bread or cereal for breakfast or sometimes eggs. Is this not good? We both have pretty small apetite - well it least it used to be" *OOP responds to a downvoted comment asking why he posted in the first place with something so silly:* "I am glad to have made the post. It was an outlet for my frustrations which helped me become clam down. I also learned that our diet is likely inadequate, so having a covo with wife regarding that. I get to learn some different perspectives, also a good thing. I now got motivation to make some meals unasked and see how it goes. All in all, making this post was really useful. I agree it's not a Big Conflict TM that often gets posted here, but it is still a conflict where I am unsure if I am doing anything wrong. Nevertheless, glad to have posted and thankful for all the responses." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14a2rwc/update_aita_for_not_preparing_my_pregnant_wife/)**: June 15, 2023 (6 days later)** Thanks everyone for responding to the post. While the majority of the NTA replies were reassuring to read, the most helpful ones were the NAHs and ESHs and even some YTAs. First things first, I feel I may have unintentionally cast my wife in a somewhat unfair light. She's far from the lazy, pampered princess some may have pictured. She's on her feet a fair bit, grabbing her own snacks, sipping water, and even tossing together some rice for our lunch now and then. She's really quite the team player around the house, always ready to lend a hand when she's feeling good. I often find myself encouraging her to kick back and rest. The real pickle here wasn't about her helping out or not, but about her leaning on me to sort out all her meals. Reading all your comments, I had a bit of an "aha" moment - she genuinely didn't know what she felt like eating. And, to be totally transparent, this food decision deadlock isn't a new game for us. Pre-pregnancy, we'd often volley the "No, you decide" ball until one of us gave in. Now that we've got a baby on the way, I have realized it would be quite irresponsible of both of us to let her go hungry because she can't decide. While technically her responsibility to decide, I have taken up on following some advice here. (Quick tangent - have you ever noticed how different you can be from your partner in certain ways? Like, when I'm under the weather, I'm a big fan of sorting out my own needs - calling the doc, taking my meds, fetching my own hot water. My wife, though? She's all about caring and pampering, even when I'm barely sniffly. It's taken me a bit of time to get used to her high-level pampering expectations, but I'm getting there!) So, following some solid advice from this community, I snagged "Real Food for Pregnancy: The Science and Wisdom of Optimal Prenatal Nutrition" and it's been quite an eye opener. I've shared the need-to-know parts with my wife (since reading makes her a tad nervous at the moment). We've come to realize we've been pretty off track with our nutrition. I told her we need to increase our protein consumption and have shared my plans on buying more meat and fish. I also started following the advice of just giving her food without asking what she wants - it actually works. Overall, I think this is making her feel that I care about her diet (and her) and our relationship has improved. I also feel pretty good about our diet now. In a nutshell, we're making progress. She seems more at ease with our meal situation and I'm feeling pretty good about getting our nutrition on track.

AITA for not preparing my pregnant wife food?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17bayai/aita_for_not_preparing_my_pregnant_wife_food/

17bgfuc

I am not the OOP. This was originally posted by u/THROWAWAY_2948199 on r/advice and r/AITAH. \-- [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/172equp/aitah_for_buying_my_daughter_a_gift_when_i_didnt/?share_id=mkoaTjymsjViXYU3uJpjY&utm_content=2&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) \- Sept 29, 2023. My fiance has 3 kids (16M, 19F, 13M) with her ex, meanwhile I only have one kid with my ex, my daughter (14F) My daughter is a state qualifying cross country and track runner. This means that her training schedule is rather intense, with her weekly mileage reaching into the high 70s and low 80s. At her most recent sports physical, I asked her doctor how often I should replace her shoes because I’m sure they get worn out pretty quickly with the amount of miles she’s running each week. Her doctor recommended switching the shoes out every 6 months, as well as get 2 pairs of shoes so she can switch out the pair she’s wearing every other day or so. However, her shoes may need to get replaced earlier depending on how intense her weeks get. After the appointment I took my daughter out to a few athletic stores so she can pick out a few pairs. I told her to pick out 4 pairs of running shoes, 2 for track season and 2 for cross country. Then I told her to pick out a pair of spikes for her races. I spent over 300 for her shoes. When we came home my fiance saw the bags my daughter was holding and my daughter excitedly told her about the new shoes she has gotten. My fiance stayed quiet until later that night while we were getting ready for bed she starting yelling at me for being irresponsible and a horrible person to her own kids. She said she was very mad because I should also get her kids shoes if I’m spending over 300 for my daughter. I mentioned that we agreed we would each provide for our own kids on our own, and her kids don’t play any sports. They all sit in their rooms all day on their electronics, even when I do buy them something they never say thank you or appreciate what I get them. She got even angrier and now she hasn’t talked to me still, it’s been 2 weeks. How do I handle her anger towards me for not getting her kids shoes when I got my daughter shoes? \-- [**SECOND POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/172equp/aitah_for_buying_my_daughter_a_gift_when_i_didnt/?share_id=mkoaTjymsjViXYU3uJpjY&utm_content=2&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) about a similar problem - Oct 7, 2023 AITAH for buying my daughter a gift when I didn’t buy my fiance’s kids one? My (30M) daughter’s (14F) nintendo switch completely stopped working earlier this week. She got it the month it was released (March 2017) and has kept it in good condition for over 6 years. Yesterday she had her conference cross country meet, where she both PR’d and qualified to run state. To celebrate her new achievements, I took her out to eat and then bought her a new nintendo switch with a game she picked out. My fiance (38F) came back from her parent’s earlier today and saw my daughter playing with her switch. She asked me about it after my daughter left with her boyfriend and I told her that I wanted to celebrate her accomplishments in her running career so I got her a new switch as a gift. Fiance then got really angry and told me that if I’m going to buy my daughter something then I have to be fair and buy her own kids (19F, 16M, 13M) something too. I pointed out that I do buy her kids gifts when they reach goals and achievements too (for example, I bought my stepdaughter an expensive hello kitty necklace as a high school graduation gift and I let both the boys pick out two video games when they both passed their final exams). She told me that it’s unfair I spend more on my daughter than I do on her kids because I make a lot more than her. Fiance then got angrier and accused me of not liking her kids because of the different financial treatment between her kids and my kid. She left with her two sons, but her daughter stayed with me at the house because she’s on my side. I got a bunch of texts from her family calling me a selfish asshole for treating her kids differently when buying gifts. AITA? EDIT: To answer some common questions, because there’s a lot of comments and it’s hard to get to all of them in a timely manner. “How does your fiance treat your daughter?” My daughter and fiance don’t interact much. They’re both polite to each other, but they simply don’t talk much aside from small talk and my daughter asking her some questions about cooking food. I have mentioned to my daughter before that if my fiance ever were to mistreat her, she needs to tell me and I will always have her back no matter what. To my knowledge, my fiance DOESN’T mistreat her at all. They just don’t talk much. “Do you have a will or trust fund in place?” I have a will set up that gives my daughter everything, my will is safe with a very trusted lawyer friend of mine. I also have a trust in place for my daughter, and she will gain full access to it once she turns 21. “Did you have this argument in front of her children?” No, she called her kids down and told them what we were arguing about. I told them my side, and her sons took her side and left with her. “What is your relationship like with her kids? How are they with your daughter?” My relationship with her sons is unfortunately minimal. I try to talk to them about their favorite topics or hobbies and they either ignore me or shut the conversation down as soon as possible. I don’t talk to them much either other than when they come to me for advice on things like school, friends, etc. My relationship with her older daughter is very good though, I’d like to think we are close. As for my daughter, she doesn’t talk to her stepbrothers much but she’s extremely close with her older sister. Hope this clears up some things. Edit 2: To clear up another few common things being mentioned, my fiance has not always been this way with my daughter and me. She started getting much more defensive when my daughter finished middle school. I am not with my fiance for sex, my sex drive is low and so is hers. Her children’s father is not in their life and does not pay child support, my daughter’s mother is not in her life either. \-- [**UPDATE POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17300hs/update_aitah_for_buying_my_daughter_a_gift_when_i/) \- Oct 8, 2023 I made a post yesterday asking if I was the AH because I didn’t buy my fiance’s kids a gift, but I bought my daughter one. I wanted to thank everyone for the positive feedback, and the kind support as well as the helpful advice I’ve gotten. A lot of people asked for an update after I have talked to fiance, so here you go. She came back at 12 in the morning alone, she said she left the boys at her parent’s place because she doesn’t, in her words, “want them in the presence of a man who won’t provide for them.” I sat her down and talked to her about a lot of things and a lot of you were right, this is not the woman I want to marry. When I first brought up how she doesn’t bring anything to the table when I pay for everything, she didn’t want to talk about it and kept dodging the subject. I brought up how unfair it was of her to expect me to provide for her and her children when she doesn’t do anything for my daughter and the bare minimal for me. She doesn’t do house chores, she doesn’t pay bills (except her and her daughter’s car payments and car insurance), and she spends minimal time with both me and my daughter. Fiance didn’t say anything. Then I talked about the financial and emotional abuse, she freaked the fuck out. She started yelling about how it was my job as the man to provide for her and her kids, when I make so much more than her and they have no father figure. I’m all they had and she kept bringing that up as an excuse for her behavior towards my money and how I spent it on my daughter. When I asked her what she expected me to do about my will or a prenup she told me that any good husband would put his wife above everyone else. She had been banking on me giving her everything I had for over a year at this point. I don’t like yelling at all but I was at my breaking point with her at this point, we yelled at each other a lot. It’s not my finest moment and I’m ashamed but I realized that I let so much happen and my daughter suffered as a result of it. I told her about her neglect towards my child and I will not tolerate it any longer. She is my number one priority over everyone else and always will be. I don’t think fiance believed me when I said that but I guess she realized I was serious when I told her to start packing. I’m done being an ATM for that lady, and it’s crazy to think how strangers on an app made me realize how I was stuck in such a toxic, manipulative, and abusive relationship with her. My (now ex) fiance won’t be a problem anymore, I hope. I don’t think I’ll be with another person for a long time, but thank you to everyone for the support and kindness. EDIT: My ex’s daughter will be staying with me and I will financially support her through college, and I will also help her get her own place. Her and I are on good terms and I want to make sure my ex will not be using her as a token to manipulate me any further. \-- REMINDER: I am not OOP.

My (30M) fiance (38F) is angry that I got my daughter 5 pairs of running shoes

CONCLUDED

rickysayshey

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17bgfuc/my_30m_fiance_38f_is_angry_that_i_got_my_daughter/

17by1dt

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Relative-Young9037 **My parents invited their ‘friends’ on a family vacation and now I don’t want to go…** **Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/nlA8XYgMNz) **Sept 28, 2022** This post will probably be long and I’ll try not to ramble too much. And hope that this post is easy to follow. But I’m not sure how to handle the situation at hand so I need advice. For context: My parents are swingers. I found out about them being swingers right after I graduated high school in 2016. I’ve never really had an opinion on the matter until recently. I don’t care what they do behind closed doors, but i personally don’t want to see it in person. (I’m sure that makes me sound like a bad person. But I’ve always accepted them for who they are. It’s honestly just really weird to see my parents make out with other people when they’re around a group of people.) Anyways, They are in a relationship with another couple, and have been with them for almost 2 years. They (being the other couple) just recently moved in with my parents because they lost their house and couldn’t find another place in time. My parents kicked my sister, her fiancé, and their baby out of the basement in order to give their friends the space and put my sister, her fiancé and baby upstairs in one bedroom to share. Which is a small 12x12 room. The friends have also stated that they’re ‘another set of grandparents’ for my niece and call themselves grandma (insert name) and papa (insert name). My sister and her fiancé are not comfortable with this but my parents and their friends don’t seem to care because ‘they’re all together as one.’ Now, onto the vacation. We were supposed to go on our first ever family vacation last year (October 2021) but it ended up getting pushed back to April of this year, due to costs, because of my wedding, which everyone was fine with. It then got pushed back again, because my sister was in her third trimester of her pregnancy and couldn’t fly. It is now scheduled for February of 2023. My parents told my sister and I, along with our SO’s that they would be bringing their friends along on the vacation. And I’m frustrated about it to be honest. With the way that they’ve been handling things with my sister and with all of their PDA, it’s made me not want to go anymore. It’s our first ever family vacation, like I’ve already mentioned, and I wanted it to be just family. I’m at a loss and I’m not sure how to handle the situation. And I/we don’t want to upset my parents about how I (and everyone else; my husband, sister and BIL) feel. Any advice? EDIT: I’m married and do not live at home anymore. Although my sister, her fiancé, and baby do. They’re currently looking for places. We live in a state where cost of living is super high (like a lot of places right now). And with them only having one income it’s harder for them to find something. Hopefully that clears things up! Edit #2: I didn’t expect this to get as much attention as it did. And I have read each comment and taken advice. So thank you. I’m fully aware that my parents are adults and can do what they want. I never once said that they couldn’t. And I never said I wasn’t against their relationship with this other couple (they refer to themselves as swingers, but yes, you could say they are in a polyamorous relationship). The issue I have is how they shove it down everyone’s throats. I don’t care what they do in private, behind closed doors. But once I see the PDA and the other things they do to each other when other people are around, that’s where I get uncomfortable around the situation. They have a calendar on the fridge that says what nights they will swap beds and sleep with the other person (ex; my mom and the other woman move between my dad and the other guy) There are also times where they make sexual jokes about screwing each other, or randomly flash each other WHEN WE ARE AROUND. like, at least wait until people aren’t there do so those things. That’s the part I’m not okay with. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **DexterousStyles** >Your parents sound incredibly demanding and childish. >I wouldn't go at all, point blank. Tell em. >Your parents strike me as the type of people who do shitty things, don't care about how anyone else feels and cover it all by saying nonsense like "I'm just living my best life" >This is so bizarre by so many degrees. **OOP replied** >>It’s SO bizarre. I truly love my parents and I know it would hurt them if I tell them I’m not going. But it makes me so uncomfortable on so many levels to see them do things with another person. I think I’m just going to talk to them and if they decide they’re still taking them, I’ll tell them I’m not going. Thank you for your comment * **Captain-Tac** >Yea im all for alternative lifestyle and shit but you can't be doing that around your kids. >Family time is for the family, not family plus fuck buddies **OOP replied** >>Im all for supporting my parents as they have always been there for me. But like I’ve mentioned, I don’t want to see every single thing they do. A kiss here and there is fine, but to make out or make sex jokes about what they want to do to each other in from of me, is not cool. And that’s where I draw the line. Thanks for your comment! * **A_herd_of_fluff** >If I were you I’d invite them out somewhere for coffee or lunch or whatever without their friends. Explain that I appreciate that they see me as enough of an adult that they were able to be honest about their relationship with the other couple, but with that being said I’d hope that they can understand though how nobody wants to have their parents sexual relationships on display in front of them. I’d tell them that I’m uncomfortable with this new couple and do not view them as family regardless of the relationship they currently have with them. The upcoming trip was to be a family vacation and in light of all that is going on it is no longer something that would be a fun trip with my family and I will no longer be joining them. Let them be upset. They’ve decided who they want to spend time with. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/aZu8OwFskc) **Oct 17, 2022** Hi everyone!! A few weeks ago, I made a pot about my parents inviting their friends on a family vacation and said I’d give an update after I talked to my parents. Well, I did, and it didn’t go well… Also sorry the update took so long, I’ve been struggling with the outcome really badly and I needed time to write it all out. So, onto the update…. I brought up all of my feelings to my parents and they weren’t very happy. They asked why I never brought it up, and I told them that it was because I was fine with everything, until I started seeing it, and that’s when it made me uncomfortable. Now they think I don’t accept them for who they are and they don’t really see an issue with inviting their friends or doing other things with their friends in front of everyone else around. My mom basically said that what they do is none of my business, or anyone else’s, and they can do what they want. Which is true, they’re adults and CAN do what they want. But some of the things they do, should be in private settings, and not for others to see. They also consider their girlfriend and boyfriend to be family, again which is fine, I know many people do, and since it’s a family vacation, so they’re still inviting them, regardless of how everyone feels about it. I just want to be with my parents for once without their friends being there, and having them be all over each other. They also see no issue with their friends calling themselves grandparents to my niece. I got upset and told them my husband and I would not be attending the vacation and they could take someone else. And until they understand where I’m coming from, I would not be going around. So for the time being, my parents are being cut off. I’m very sad about the outcome, and it makes me sad that they would choose their friends over their own child. But to each their own I guess. Thank you all for the comments. I read every single one of them, even if I didn’t comment back, i still read them. There were some very nice supporting ones that really helped, and also some not very nice ones that also helped. So thank you all. **FINAL COMMENT FROM OOP ON HER SISTER** >Yes, my sister agrees with me. I’m not sure if she’s planning on going or not, so if she doesn’t, we might go on our own lil vacation **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My parents invited their ‘friends’ on a family vacation and now I don’t want to go…

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17by1dt/my_parents_invited_their_friends_on_a_family/

17c02y1

I am not OP; that would be u/throwraalerting **Trigger Warning**: >!homophobia, child abuse !< **Mood Spoiler**: >!frustrating!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/162cq55/myf21_fianc%C3%A9sm22_parents_are_making_his_sister/): **August 26th, 2023** The reason I'm making this is because my fiancé's and I need help with a situation on 9/3 that recently came to our attention. My fiancé's parents are extremely religious, but they've been worse to his sister (fifteen) than him. When he was growing up, they didn't force him to attend like her, and he admits that he was a golden child. He would miss church/youth because of sports, and their relationship was fine when he moved out because they weren't as strict on him. He was allowed to work and have secular friends, and they didn't make him do purity like she did. But we were recently made aware of something that will make us rescind their invitation before cutting them out of our lives, but we want to ask for advice before doing that His dad made a Facebook rant about how he discovered his sister being gay due to parental controls showing search history, and he also ranted about the importance of them as such. He also said he spoke to someone at church and that she probably will too. However, on 9/3, she's going to be prayed over during service, and we're worried about her/how it seems she's being made to apologize, and we want to ask if there's anything we can do (the church is fairly big with over a thousand). We're going to uninvite anyone who attends that Sunday in agreement with her parents, but the wedding isn't our priority right now. Is there anything we can do to help her out of this situation while we still have a connection with her parents? We'd especially appreciate to hear from anyone who might've been in similar situations with unacceptable parents *edit: we live in New York, and the church where his sister is being forced to receive prayer at/apologize is on Long Island, NY* *We're trying to see if we can see her sometime next week before 9/3 as school is out, and we're on good terms with her parents as of now. We live in New York too, but a few hours away from them* *We want to talk to her in-person due to the parental controls on her advice that started this whole mess when her father outed her on Facebook, and we've taken her shopping in the past without her parents, so that's the angle we're thinking of if we can see her* *We're debating what to do if we see her and she says she doesn't want to be present on that Sunday and if that would be enough to have her stay with us through Sunday without legal issues, and we know that that would burn a bridge with her parents too. Her safety/mental health is more important, but we're considering if doing that would hurt our chances of potentially taking her in before she turns 18 if it comes down to the courts* [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/166t37f/update_myf21_fianc%C3%A9sm22_parents_are_making_his/): **August 31st, 2023** My fiance was able to call his dad shortly after my first post, and he asked if we'd be able to come up and see them this week. He didn't get into a confrontation on the phone because we figured that would hurt our chances of seeing her (or risk being cut off for disagreeing, thus why we haven't recinded their wedding invitations or anything hasty). He asked if we could come to attend church with them on Sunday in light of the post, and he said we could come on Saturday and spend the night along with doing something on Saturday afternoon. So as of right now, we plan to drive up on Saturday morning (we live a few hours away), and we talked to one of our friends for advice that we're close with about what to do once we're there, but we're hoping to find some more advice because we're debating some ideas for Saturday, and we're open to any suggestions we get The reason we asked if we could go to church with them was because of an idea I had, but I want to ask about it here. My fiance asked if we could take her shopping when we go, and we've taken her shopping in the past without her parents. If she states that she doesn't feel comfortable with what her parents are making her do at church, would that be enough to drive her somewhere else like a hotel or back to our place to avoid it if she wants? Or would that interfere with any chances of being able to legally take her in before she's eighteen? Some people commented that she should be old enough to not go to church/anywhere if she doesn't want to, but would her parents have grounds to accuse us of kidnapping and take her back? That's where we're at so far, and we're considering a lawyer too and have looked up some this week that we're considering reaching out to. I'm also going to share this on a legal sub, but we're open to any advice we can get and especially from anyone who's been through something similar *edit: we just received advice on* r/legaladvice *that answered our questions in regards to our ideas, and we will not be taking her to our home or anywhere due to legal concerns. We're still planning to visit to see how she is and are considering reaching out to an LGBTQ organization for support as some commenters suggested, and this is the advice we received:* [*https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/166txp5/comment/jylw69m/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3*](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/166txp5/comment/jylw69m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) [New Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/166t37f/update_myf21_fianc%C3%A9sm22_parents_are_making_his/): **October 8th, 2023** I wasn't able to update sooner because the past few weeks have been challenging, but we received a lot of great advice along with one in particular I'll highlight momentarily. A lot of people said that we needed to reach out to an actual family lawyer for advice instead of reddit, and that's what we've done since our previous post. The reason we came to r/legaladvice initially was because we had less than a week until his sister would basically be outed to the church. As stated in our update (and later echoed by the lawyer we found), we understand that trying to remove his sister from the situation (on 9/3) would've been a terrible idea that could've resulted in his parents pressing charges for kidnapping, and that was an emotional idea that many shot down rightfully in our update (after many suggested taking her for a drive to remove her from that Sunday on our first post) When 9/3 came, we were able to stay at her parent's home for the weekend after my fiancé received permission in our update post, and we had a chance to talk to her parents on Saturday too. But before we get into what was said, someone in our update made a comment suggesting that we don't rock the boat with her parents and instead try to show his sister a ""healthy, straight" relationship" so that we can be a part of her life and give her somewhere to vent as she may very well need. We both liked this idea and decided not to rock the boat when we saw them, but my fiancé has struggled in the aftermath of that weekend which I'll get to later Long story short, her parents told us that they're gonna have her talk to someone (a leader) at church about her being gay, and they said that they received prayer from others who saw the Facebook post along with those they called to vent. The only thing we challenged them on was why they felt the need to out her on Facebook, to which her father said that she needed support from others who would basically talk her out of it/pray on their own. When we suggested trying to be a good example of a straight couple, they liked the idea and said they hoped our wedding would be a good example for her too. They also said that college would be off the table for her unless she showed change, and that's on top of privileges they took away too We weren't able to talk to her one-on-one on Saturday because she stayed mostly in her room aside from greetings, and she ate dinner in her room as well. And when Sunday came, she rode in her parent's car while we followed them to church. At some point after worship, one of the pastors invited them to come on stage, and they basically prayed for her while laying hands for about five minutes. My fiancé said it was short and similar to how they dedicated babies occasionally on Sunday morning and had the newborn be prayed over by a pastor. The only difference was that a pastor told the congregation that she was "struggling with her sexuality", and the prayer involved rebuking "worldly influences/friends" and types of media that they think played a role in it. In regards to his sister, she kept a straight face and wasn't crying or anything, and they didn't ask her to say anything either. Her parents also took us to lunch afterwards, and she was rather quiet/on her phone despite her parents telling her she did great and so fourth. We left shortly after lunch because we had work on Monday, but her parents agreed to hang out with us again soon. And when I asked if we could try to talk to her ourselves to try and get through to her, they said we could next time we came over although things have been difficult with my fiancé since My fiancé really wanted to go to support his sister, and he made the call to his dad to get permission to stay at their home over the weekend too. However, when some people came up to their family and talked to his sister/her parents after service, some people spoke to my fiancé and asked how he was, and he said it really bothered him a few days after. He grew up in that church, and he said that being there was somewhat traumatic when he didn't expect it to be. Some people asked why he stopped going among other things, but he's also had second thoughts about keeping in touch with his parents for his sister's sake since. Long story short, he said it was hard to not explode at them and play a face for those two days, and he's been hyperfocused on it the past few weeks too He said it's (the trauma's) been eating at him when he's at work, and it's awoken some memories/trauma inside of him that he might've forgotten about since living away from them as an adult. He also wants to uninvite not just his parents, but every Christian relative (he's aware of) from our wedding. I have no issue uninviting people from our wedding, and I also wanted to uninvite his parents although we initially decided against it (to keep a connection with his sister). He says he wants to talk to a therapist, but not couples therapy because there's some trauma he never told me from his childhood, and I want to respect his space until he's ready to talk about it (or even if he never does). He thinks a therapist will tell him to put his upcoming marriage/mental health ahead of his sister, and I could see that honestly too. My commitment is first and foremost to him as it's supposed to be upon marriage. But as for right now, he's looking for a therapist that'll work with his insurance, and I told him to do what's best for him first because it's hard to help others if he's hurting (the thing about put your gas mask on first), so we're just waiting to see what comes from therapy \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **(Notable Comments)** **(geophagus)**: "Depending on the parents, taking the girl “shopping” instead of church when it’s a 15 year old could be considered kidnapping or something similar" **(dada7912)**: "Unfortunately there is not much can be done the world is very much backwards when it comes to the rights of kids vs parents. In reality she has a little over 2 years to play the fool and pretend to be someone she isn't and she'll need her brothers and your support as a result. Don't expect her to have any relationship with her parents in three years time" **Some people offered different advice advising OOP that they had grounds to try and remove her from the situation** **(sloanautomatic)**: "I don’t see any reason why you can’t let her stay at your place until grandpa has had a chance to cool off. This is not kidnapping in the US. The long term is really less important in sone ways….This week, she needs to not be around him. Your spouse can go to the church that day in her place. She has the legal right to emancipate herself, but it sounds to me like dad needs time. Ten years from now he’ll be beaming and bragging about the grandbabies she and her wife have on the way. If grandpa is going to do something rash like disown her, etc… Then this would save a lot of time, and she could skip all the trauma he’s got planned for her" **(jamey1138)**: "In most US states, teenagers can choose to live with adult siblings without any legal issues arising. Every state has a basic requirement, under Federal law, to provide a free public education to any resident of the state, so if she moves in with you she can absolutely enroll in your local school district as soon as the day she moves. Not sure what would be stopping her from moving in with you literally today, if you really want her to come move in. (No judgement, here, either: family situations like this are hella complicated, regardless of the legal landscape. I’m just saying, the law isn’t the complicated part"

(New Update) My(f21) fiancé's(m22) parents outed their daughter(f15) on Facebook and are making her receive prayer/apologize during church

INCONCLUSIVE

ThrowRA3837374

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17c02y1/new_update_myf21_fiancésm22_parents_outed_their/

17c298a

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/No_Bumblebee8165 **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes and r/AITAH **Editor's Note: OOP has posted the same stories to two different subs. Also added spaces in one post to make it readable** **AITA for telling my ex that his children are not my problem** Trigger Warnings: >!racism, emotional abuse, physical abuse, child neglect, mention of infidelity!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17381jp/aita_for_telling_my_ex_that_his_children_are_not/) - **October 8, 2023** Am I the AITA for telling my ex that his children are not my responsibility? I, a 34-year-old woman, have a 10-year-old daughter with my ex. We separated 5 years ago because he impregnated another woman. He spends weekends with our daughter. Recently, my daughter has been expressing that her dad's stepson is bullying her and her dad isn’t intervening. My ex's stepson is 15 years old, so I was taken aback when she told me that he would physically harm her, such as hitting, kicking, and even pushing her down the stairs. She also mentioned that her half-sister keeps taking her belongings. I confronted my ex after she relayed all this to me. He dismissed it as "kids being kids" and suggested that our daughter should get over it. He also said his other children require more attention, and if our daughter can't cope with that, she shouldn't come over to his house. In response, I expressed my frustration, stating that I wasn't concerned about his other children's issues. He should stop neglecting our daughter's wellbeing. He then ended the call abruptly. Shortly after, his wife sent me a lengthy text, accusing me of being an antagonist for stating that her kids aren’t my responsibility. Ps, his children do not have any special needs or disabilities. So, am I the AITA for saying my ex's kids aren’t my responsibility? &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***NachoBacon4U269:** I would not send my 10 year old anywhere with the expectation that 2 kids (let alone a 15yo boy) were going to hit and bully them. I would likely be laying hands on that 15 yo’s father for sure and possibly his punk ass kid too if it didn’t get resolved after the first time I talked nice to them. >**OP:** The thing is if I knew what was going on I would have not let my daughter go to his house in the first place I forgot to mention that she hadn’t told me this until I found a Bruise on her arm I then asked her to explain and she just told me what happened &nbsp; [**Update #1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/173s4k1/update_aita_for_telling_my_ex_that_his_children/) - **October 9, 2023** Thank you for all the advice I've been receiving. I talked to my daughter about not going to her dad's anymore. She expressed that she still wants to see him because she loves him, but she feels like he doesn't love her. This deeply upset me, as no ten-year-old should feel that way. I texted my ex, stating that if he wants to see our daughter, he should take her away from his house. Alternatively, if he prefers not to see her, I will take this matter to court and file for full custody. He responded by saying he doesn't care and that I can remove his parental rights, as he has his "real children" with him. Additionally, I mentioned that I will be pressing charges against his stepson. He simply ignored that text, so I am taking legal action and have sent the screenshot to my friend, who is a lawyer. I'll provide further updates once everything is resolved. &nbsp; [**Update #2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1776icv/a_small_update_aitah_for_telling_my_ex_his_kids/) - **October 13, 2023** So a lot has been going on for the past few days. I’ve talked to my lawyer, she said my ex might twist it into me being the bad person since I Blew up on him. But she did say if he did he would just embarrass him self in court. I also asked my daughter if her being abused by her stepbrother was racially motivated, since my daughter is mixed. I’m black and my ex is white and so is his new family. She at first didn’t understand until I explained, and she said her stepbrother called her the n-word. She doesn’t know what that means that why she didn’t think it was important after she told me this I put her to bed and texted my ex asking if he knows what his stepson says about our daughter he said yeah he says a little racist things, but it’s not relevant after the text I know I was going to press charges on his stepson I was debating whether I should do it or not but after what she told me I knew what I was going to do I called my lawyer again explained everything, and now we’re waiting for a court date by the way my ex has been blowing up my phone he probably got the court papers thanks for all the support I don’t think I’m allowed to post anything about the case, so I might update once the case is over. &nbsp; **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for telling my ex that his children are not my problem

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17c298a/aita_for_telling_my_ex_that_his_children_are_not/

17c29i7

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/PatientCurrency8868 **Little sister calling me a 'parasitic leech'... Enjoy the Amish lifestyle** **Originally posted to** r/pettyrevenge **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Verbal abuse, emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/s/0vRVgCq4r8)  **Sept 8, 2023** I'm 28 years old and live in a small town where there is a lack of jobs, and a rising cost of living crisis. I moved back in with my parents since we have a good relationship. I buy all the groceries and pay some of the bills. My little sister (16), however, was not happy. She was saying that I should be a man and move out again. A few weeks ago she started continuously calling me a 'freeloader' and a 'parasitic leech'. My parents are anti-technology - they are not part of a religious cult, they just avoid technology and prefer to live a simplistic life - the only modern technology they use is a laundry machine, a car, a flip phone, and a TV. They don't, however, take away our gadgets if we paid for it ourselves. When I turned 18 and was looking for my first job, I had to handwrite a resume since I didn't have a computer or a printer. It's impossible to get a job while still in HS because of the small job market in our town. Now, my little sister was lucky, I bought her a PC, a smartphone, and a data plan since she was a young child, yet she was continuously calling me all these names. Eventually my little sisters constant name calling got on my nerves and I came up with an idea. I simply 'repossessed' the computer and the smartphone. Now she is having the same childhood I had. Oh, and she stopped with the name calling. Enjoy the Amish lifestyle little sis. Edit: The smartphone is under an installment plan, and the PC was ordinarily kept in the living room and shared between my sister and I before I moved out. I did not steal anything. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/s/FO0UdUGldY)  **Oct 13, 2023** This is an update to this post. It had been awhile since I took back my smartphone, which I had been lending to my little sister, because she kept calling me a 'parasitic leech' for having to move back home due to the rising cost of living. She has had no access to the internet since, as our parents are pretty anti-technology. I believe that justice should be fair, impartial, and reasonable. Reasonable being the key word here. With that said, I decided to give back the smartphone to my little sister, as she stopped with the constant name calling, was being a bit friendly, and because she was sleeping all day ever since I took the phone. I had already sold the computer though. Life is very short and I don't want to hold grudges with anyone, especially my own sister. So I calmly knocked on her door, with a smartphone and a data plan in my hand, "Hi, little sister" I greeted her, through the closed door. 'F*****G WHAT C**T!" my sister yelled. I replied, "Well, I was going to give you back the smartphone, but it seems like you want to be left alone, so I'll leave you be, enjoy the day lil sis." She then came out like a yelping dog, begging for the phone back. I told her that my friend really needed a smartphone, so I was thinking of gifting it to him. She then sighed and went back in her room. She's sleeping now. I think I'll let her buy her own phone this time, hopefully she will mature in the coming years. She was a sweet child a couple of years ago and I hope that she'll be a sweet person in a couple more. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Little sister calling me a 'parasitic leech'... Enjoy the Amish lifestyle

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17c29i7/little_sister_calling_me_a_parasitic_leech_enjoy/

17c2a6b

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/GrowingGirlE **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **AITA for not watching my sister's kids?** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16ugjcz/aita_for_not_watching_my_sisters_kids/?share_id=G0MO0rOriW8bacX2vhXA7&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **September 28, 2023** Hey all, I'm (F25) just going to jump right into it. I moved states about a year and a half ago to try a new career path that my older sister (F32) recommended to me. I tried it for about a month and realized it wasn't for me and eventually took an office job. I was nervous but came to love my job. I can work from home 2 days out of the week, one of those days being a half day if I put extra time into other days unless it's the end of the month, as it's a critical time for my department. Which I've shared with my family. My sister texted me requesting I call her while I was just starting my day at work. I texted back asking her what was up and she told me: "I'm in a bind. Husband's mom just caught COVID and can't come out here as planned. Husband and I both have Chief stuff going on all week, but Thursday afternoon we are in a big jam for childcare. I know you don't typically work on Friday. Is there anyway you could come down and watch the kids on Thursday? They are at school until 3:40pm. Husband would be home by 9pm. You could always use my desktop to work if you need/want. I will pay for your gas you guys can order out or go to a restaurant on me. Just think about it and let me know if it's feasible." I worked for a few hours, then replied with: "I'm really sorry to hear that. It must be incredibly stressful for both of you. I wish I could help out, especially during this time, but with my work schedule this week, it's just not possible for me to be there physically. This week and the next are very important and busy at my work, so I'm not able to work from home. Usually I would work Wednesdays and Fridays from home using a PC my work gave to me that is programmed to connect to my work PC, but my department isn't allowed to WFH during end of month, because of it being a crucial time. I hope things get better soon. Sending my best wishes for Husband's moms speedy recovery" She didn't reply to me and I haven't heard from her or my younger sister at all since the texts, which were a few days ago. For context, the drive to my sister's house is roughly 3 hours if I'm speeding the whole way and I usually end up stopping for gas once. I haven't seen my sister in a long time due to me always being the one to drive to her, she only offers to meet me half way sometimes if I'm watching her kids for a weekend. I wouldn't have been able to help her out without taking PTO (which I'm saving for winter, as where I live winters get really rough and I've been snowed in once.) as I can't take my work PC with me to another state and work from there/connect to my PC. It's just not how it works. I was prepared to explain to my sister, as I was expecting some kind of backlash, but with her complete silence response, I'm feeling kind of guilty and wondering, AITA for not trying to come down there to help her? TL;DR: I said I couldn't watch my sister's kids this week due to it being a busy time at work and I haven't heard from her since. I'm wondering AITA, because it's been a few months now since I've seen her and it's the first time since then that she's asked me to watch them. Edit: thanks everyone for your thoughts, kind words and advice. I am really glad I posted. I encourage anyone who struggles with boundaries to check out some of the comments section as it made me feel a lot better about saying no, and I learned a few things about saying no. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***MissNikitaDevan:** Off course you’re NTA, if your sister wants to have a hissy fit and give you the silent treatment thats on her, dont waste another second thinking about this* *Its not reasonable to ask someone who lives 3 hours away to babysit to begin with , especially when she cant even be bothered to drive the distance herself* *Your schedule etc isnt less important just cuz she has children* >**OP:** Thanks for reminding me that my time matters too. You're right! I'm still learning about boundaries so I think sometimes it's easy to slip back into my old way of thinking... > >I don't have to say yes every time she asks for help, especially if I have to work or have plans already. 🙈 (feels so weird to tell myself this) > >I will try to not think about it ***MissNikitaDevan:** You are a 25 year old woman its not a surprise at all that you needed to hear this and remind yourself of this, us women get socialised from a young age that we need to be people pleaser and it takes a long time to deprogram that out of ourselves* >**OP:** This is so true. I feel like the hardest part is the expectations, projections and reactions to saying no that makes it hardest for me to. My sister still talks to our parents about this sort of stuff as well so even my mom wasn't very chatty when I spoke with her recently and I couldn't help but wonder if my sister called and complained to her. (Since I don't know I shouldn't assume, hopefully my mom was just distracted at the time.) We have a family dinner via video call on Thursdays and it is hard to want to show up because of this stuff 😕 it's so much easier to say no via text after processing how I feel than to explain further on the phone or video call. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/177204w/aita_for_not_watching_my_sisters_kids_update/) - **October 13, 2023** I wanted to update everyone, things had been going okay/somewhat normal between us, if anything we were all busy. Until yesterday. On Wednesday she asked me to babysit again for this weekend in our sister group chat and I said no, because I'm busy and starting a new job that is weekends only actually. She tried to get me to tell her what the job was, and I said I wanted to keep it to myself for the time being since it's new. No response. She bonds openly with our younger sister, encouraging her to visit and saying she'd cook for them, play games and paint. Which of course made me feel really bad, as this is never offered to me. I'm just contacted when my sister needs help or if she's doing something for a holiday and happens to invite me. Fast forward to today. For context: She sent an article about OCD, which looking back now was somewhat thoughtful of her as I used to talk a lot about OCD and express feeling upset it's often used out of context. However, the topic has become kind of triggering for me these days so I avoid it. I responded bluntly "thanks for the thought but I'm trying to not think about OCD lately" this spawned a conversation about my sister disliking her perspective of my attempt at boundaries. She said: I want to make it clear, the way you have been talking to me and the way you talk about your life feels like you are pushing me out and setting random boundaries without any type of conversation or explanation. It makes me feel like you are trying recreate yourself and part of that is to push people away that you think don’t “get” you or your beliefs. Perhaps I’m wrong. I hope I am. But the vague, short responses make me feel like you’d rather not have me close and you intend to push me away. I said: I want you to know that I care about our relationship, and I value your feelings. I'm sorry if my communication has made you feel pushed away. It wasn't my intention. It's great that there's an accurate article about OCD. I didn't think enough before I sent the message, and I'll work on putting more thought into my messages with you. It does make me happy mental health is becoming more accepted and more knowledge is out there for people to see. I probably won't read it right now, though, as thinking about (ex friend name) can be triggering for me, and I tend to associate OCD with her, unfortunately. I feel you perceive me differently than I am, making it hard for me to be myself around you. I tend to overthink and try to please you, even if it doesn't seem that way. I want to improve this and am working on it. I've learned that explanations aren't always necessary for setting boundaries, and saying no is valid on its own. Though I'm not setting boundaries now, I may in the future when I understand my needs better. Currently, I'm focusing on self-improvement, work, and helping (my dog) with her allergies. I'm also trying to be more private as I've realized excessive venting affects my relationships and stresses me. I value our connection, but I am really busy at the moment End message There hasn't been any response to this and it's been a few hours. I'm feeling a bit off since this is the first time I've really said something like this directly to her and I hate that she did this in our group chat with our younger sister. I would like support right now or thoughts on what I said, was it too much? Thanks &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***Positive-Radio-1078:** Sorry if that was blunt, but your sister seems to be used to getting her own way and is now trying to guilt trip you into backing down. Don't do it. You are entitled to a life of your own.* >**OP:** Oh no, it's more of an oof with a laugh following. It's funny because I never really noticed this about her. I've been 'backing down' when it comes to her for a long time and I often would let her mold me in a way. At least when I was around her, I definitely did. Mainly because our personalities are so different, that when I'd actually speak for myself, it was met with sarcastic responses that I have a hard time following as I'm very gullible. It would often make me feel bad, so I just stopped trying to be me and kind of became someone else around her and my family for that matter. So now that certain things are kind of being pointed out to me it's like "oof" haha I didn't notice it was like this &nbsp; ***Character-Lead-1903:** I might be in the minority, but I do think you kind of are the AH in this situation. Not because you aren't going to babysit. But because you seem envious of your other sister's bond, when they're probably being more vulnerable with each other and sharing more with each other. Where you won't even tell them what your new job is.* *I actually think it is very inaccurate to say that boundaries do not require explanations, especially when it's for people that you're close to and that you like / love. Well it's true that you don't owe anyone emotional support or labor, isn't that something that we do for family? Within reason of course!* *It's perfectly fine to not babysit your sister's kids and it is understandable why you might feel like she is taking advantage of you in that way. But it seems like she is trying to find common ground and create a bond with you. When you are very short in rejecting those attempts or bids without explanation, your sister might feel as though you don't want that relationship or that that relationship isn't important.* >**OP:** I can understand your point of view and without more information it makes sense to see it this way. I actually only recently started learning about boundaries because I grew up with non and only learned recently that they are important. I agree that if I were setting boundaries I would try my best to give an explanation, but this isn't me trying to do that right now. I only was responding to my sister about boundaries because she brought it up. > >My sisters may be more vulnerable with each other, I wouldn't really know. But I can tell you I have been extremely vulnerable with both them separately and in the group chats and they never really reacted in a caring way, my attempts at being vulnerable with my older sister is usually met with judgement or her ideas of a resolution when really all I want is to know that how I feel is understood, which I've expressed. This didn't really happen, so I told them in the above message I've been trying to be more private because venting or asking for support with things, I feel like has only resulted in judgement and has made my sister see me in a negative light. Which was never my intention, but it's what happened. > >I would say boundaries can have a reason or I would prefer to explain myself, but because of the way my family is, (dysfunctional) I would prefer to be more private about it for now, until I can work with a therapist to have coping skills so that I don't back down from what I need or want to come from boundaries. I'm simply trying to say no to my sister and help her understand I do care. > >The reason I didn't tell her my new job, is because in the past she has shit on the job I'm trying right now. It's related to content creation and I just don't want to hear her opinion on it right now, because I know what she thinks. Hopefully this is understandable. My younger sister and parents know what I'm doing, but they don't know I'm hoping for something to come of it. Also my sister has looked down on jobs that I've had in the past and tried to get me jobs that benefit her, which I really dislike and have no interest in hearing, because it makes me feel bad. Simply put. Thanks for your insight, it is how I'd imagine my sister does see this situation. &nbsp; **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for not watching my sister's kids?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17c2a6b/aita_for_not_watching_my_sisters_kids/

17c2ac8

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/strawberry_cheese237 **I (22F) found out my family is hiding my fiancé's (M23) affair with my best friend (F23). How do I confront my family, fiancé, and best friend?** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Thank you PitaEnigma for bringing this to the discord BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, emotional manipulation, suicide attempt, verbal abuse, self harm!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/CXaYWr4wbC) **Oct 11, 2023** I (22F) need some serious advice on how to navigate any of this. I found out a week ago that basically my entire family has been helping my fiancé (M23) hide his affair with my best friend (23F). I created this account because I honestly have no one else to tell this too honestly. So my brain figured internet strangers would be best. None of my family and friends have reddit (thank the stars). For extra emotional context, me and my fiancé have been together since 8th grade. (on and off until 2020) I do apologize if this gets long, but it so much to unpack and I just want to refresh myself with everything I have. As well as figure out the best way to confront my family, best friend, and fiancé with at least some dignity. Here are names and ages for context for everyone involved: ​ Richard = Half-brother (26) Maria = Half-Sister (27) Angie = My mom (56) Peach = Best Friend (soon to be ex-best friend) Alex = My fiancé (soon to be ex) ​ So, a week ago Alex was taking a shower and had left his phone on our bed. Me and my fiancé have a open phone policy seeing as we both struggled with getting cheated on in past relationships. (Go figure seeing my situation.) I was packing my suitcase for a family trip that is happening after my rehearsal dinner tomorrow. I heard his phone keep going off. He yelled from our shower if I could mute his phone. I went to get his phone and saw that it was Peach calling him. I was curious at first, but seeing as she's part of my bridal party, I didn't find it too suspicious. I muted the phone and soon messaged Peach from my own phone. Here is the paraphrase of our conversation: Me: Hey Peach! My fiancé is in the shower rn, what did you need? Peach: Oh nothing! lol, just wanted to confirm with him the flowers for your bouquet and isle. Me: That's weird. I didn't change my mind on any flowers or anything. The florist was contacted last month and everything was paid for already by Tony. (Tony is my mom's husband). Peach: Are you sure? I remember him telling me you changed your mind? ​ After that it was the usual wedding talk after that point. In hindsight, I should have found it very weird that she would call him about six times to confirm a flower choice when she simply could have either texted me or Alex. When Alex got out the shower, I told him Peach tried calling him about my flower choices. I asked him what made him think I changed my mind on the flowers for the wedding. He paused for a bit. I now know he was basically stalling and doing the "Oh I'm thinking" face when I had asked. He then said that he thought I had mentioned it in passing during a dinner. I told him that I didn't recall that. He then just shrugged and grabbed his phone and went back in the bathroom. I hate to be one of those people, but for once, my gut actually sunk. I got this really paranoid feeling and I couldn't shake it. I tried to convince myself that it was just my old cheating trauma trying to creep back. Yet, I just couldn't let this go. Me and Alex had dinner and I pushed through all the way until it was time to go to bed. I pretended to fall asleep first. Me and Alex usually cuddle to fall asleep. When I knew he was in a deep enough sleep, I went to check his phone again. I checked his instagram, snapchat and messages and I couldn't find anything. I then went to his Facebook messenger. He has messenger to communicate with his family overseas. I only saw his main family and most of the messages were about getting plane tickets to come to the wedding. We were supposed to get married in December with a winter wonderland themed wedding. However with my previous relationships, I checked his Archives on messenger. That's when the horrific truth came to light. There was a group chat with Peach, Alex, Richard, Angie and Maria. The group chat was established a year ago where basically Alex and Peach confessed to having an affair to my family. My mom did shame them at first. Yet, she later asked Alex did he truly loved Peach. "Because you can't help who you love" (Yeah really great mom. That was SUUUPPEERRR helpful). He said he was absolutely sure and that he also loved me too? (Tf.) Then Maria and Richard offered that he (being Alex) bring up to me an open relationship. They both are in open relationships and married and apparently it's working for them in whatever Lala land they live in. At this point, me and him were already engaged. Alex mentioned to them that it seem too far deep to try to bring it up. Angie (my mom...even though at this point I hate to even call her that), said that they would cover for Alex and Peach until he felt strong enough to bring up an open relationship to me. As I was reading, all I could think was how in the actual f*ck could my family betray me like that. How could Peach betray me like that? We've been friends since Kindergarten. We even grew up with Alex. How could she process in her mind to f*ck my fiancé and say that she loves him too? All of this in this disgusting group chat? For Alex to have the nerve to say he loves me as well???? For him to know first hand what its like to be betrayed like this. I honestly wanted to vomit. However, I was just taking screenshot after screenshot. The more I read down, I found out that Peach "took my spot" on our previous family trip. I got a really bad stomach bug a while ago that caused me not to go. I can't even begin to imagine what they did on the trip. And the fact my mother was okay with all of this, I think is what hurts the most. The fact she's known for a whole year...that my fiancé was cheating on me. That's taking the longest to sit in I feel. There is more in the group chat but these were the major points. I've known for a whole week. Its been eating at me inside and I want to explode and cuss them all out. I want to ruin their lives the way they ruined me. It all hurts so f*cking much and I just really want advice on how to confront them. How do I even begin? What do I even say? The anger I feel is so intense that I feel like if I just let it all out, I would just look insane. Please reddit, anything will help. I'm planning on confronting them tomorrow at our rehearsal dinner. ​ TLDR: Family has been hiding my fiancé's affair with my best friend and I want to know how I should confront them and what to say to them when I do. **ADDITIONAL COMMENT FROM OOP** [Comment Here](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/Z2A3zxgWs7) **Oct 11, 2023** I do have some additional information to add for some frequently asked questions. Common question from my messages: Why are you having the rehearsal dinner way too early?: Me and Alex agreed on three rehearsal dinners. One for my family/friends, one for when his family/friends is in town, and the last one with our families combined. Our families and friend groups are big and most people had conflicting schedules for the singular day we tried to plan. So to please everyone we just decided to separate them into groups and have dates that worked best for them for the rehearsals. Does Alex live with me?: yes. I bought the apartment while he was living with his roommates in his dorm. I let him move in because he and his roommates weren’t getting along after some friend drama they had. We’ve been living together for 2 years now. His name is not on the lease. I’ve done some slight research and I will definitely use this to my advantage. We have a cat, but after all of this she is staying with me and I will fight him tooth and nail for her. Half sibs both have open marriages?: yes. They fell down that train of “Humans aren’t meant to be monogamous” and they ran with it. They both have poly partners and that was discussed with their respective partners so on their end nothing is wrong. My relationship with my mom?: it’s turmoil and stillness at best. After the emotional and mental abuse she put me through most of my childhood, when I turned 18 she apologized. I thought she was actually sorry and we were working towards rebuilding a bond. With all of this I’m not even sure we had one to build in the first place. I am her “Affair Baby” as I’ve been called. My mother is a very religious person and she figured that if she confessed then she would be saved and redeemed. The opposite happen and she was kicked out of her church group. Anyone that lives in a small town know gossip runs wild. Tony (my moms husband) forgave her and decided to move to better help their image I guess. A redditor pointed out that this incident may be why she hates me. Yet I can’t comprehend how this would be my fault. Or why she would even hold on to that grudge for that long. Does anyone know I saw the messages?: No, once I took the screenshots, I deleted them from his phone and just kept them on mine. I have a passcode for my gallery (nsfw pics in there). I changed my code on it and Alex hasn’t checked my phone so I feel I’m safe on that regard. I changed the passcode and if he ask I’ll just tell him some bs lie on how my niece tried to look at pictures and I had to change it. When was the wedding?: December 17th. Who paid for the wedding?: The wedding was a group effort between myself, Alex, step dad, aunt and cousin. My mom handled more of the diplomatic things? Invitations and our Gift registry really. Hopefully this is enough extra information for some folks. I appreciate it all. I’m going to bed soon to prep for tommorow. I know it will be a really long and emotional day tommorow. But I know with all your guys support I will do fine. I’m hoping I will at least. ​ [Update](https://reddit.com/u/strawberry_cheese237/s/LUXbYay97j) **Oct 12, 2023** Hello everyone. Its been about 3 hours since the rehearsal dinner. Everything is shit right now, but I'm happy the hard part is over. I just want to say something really quick before I share the update. To the individuals threatening to dox me to "prove" my story is fake....kindly go F yourself. I'm going through a very tumultuous time in my life and the last thing I need is some people being on a personal mission of proving my ordeal is fake. I already have to deal with an abusive mother. I already have too much sh*t to worry about. My emotions are still high and raw. I apologize if I ramble in some parts. I have attached the link to my original post if you want to read that for context: /r/relationship_advice/comments/175rl13/i_22f_found_out_my_family_is_hiding_my_fiancés/ Just a refresher for those who haven't seen my original post: Alex (STBX) (M23) Peach (EX BFF) (F23) With that out the way, here is the update: So I did wind up taking bits and pieces of advice from everyone. Last night,I constantly was going back and forth between going ghost or full on exploding on everyone. I decided to go on a mix of both routes. I sent the screenshots to Alex's parents and explained the whole deal to them. I was honestly expecting them to ignore it or not believe me. However, they called rather quickly. They asked me If l had any hard proof of them cheating besides their confession. I confided in them that I didn't. They asked for more screenshots and I just basically sent them a good chunk of the screenshots. His mother made me feel so awful for sending them. She was sobbing and apologizing for her son. She soon became inconsolable. His father took the phone and asked was it anything his son could do to make it up to me. This early morning, I was offended he asked that. Yet, I saw it from his perspective later. I asked him if I could be frank and he agreed told him that unless his son could shrivel up and disappear then there wasn't anything really he could say. His father said that he understood. I asked him if they could keep this to themselves until I brought it up to Alex. They said they could and we ended the call. For a while, I thought vomiting from stress was a rare, but it finally happened. Alex heard me I guess (me vomiting, not the phone call. I stepped outside to have it.) because he woke up and tried to rub my back. I held my hand up and cleaned myself up. This is around 7am in the morning. Alex had concern in his voice and was asking if I was okay. For once, I actually saw nothing but red. Yet, I kept the composure. I have no idea why, but I guess that will be my super power l'll hold on to. I ignored him and just went back sleep. I woke back up at 8am to start getting ready for the rehearsal dinner. Alex told me he had to get somethings done before heading to the restaurant. I told him that was fine and that I'd see him later. Before he left he said he loved me and this was one of the days he was excited for. I said me too. Trying not to have much rage behind it. Once he left, I gathered all the screen shots. For some people that don't know, you can schedule text messages to be sent out at a certain time. I decided to do this to send it to everyone. Peach's family, Our friend groups, his family as well as mine. I sent it to go out at 1:25pm. This would be the halfway point of the dinner and people would be dropping off gifts early for us and etc. I gathered the black hole of stress forming in me and headed to the restaurant when it was time. My mother and her husband were already there. My mother hugged me and all I could do was stand there. To feel her hands on me almost felt like she was personally violating my spirit. I did a quick tap hug so she wouldn't get suspicious and we headed inside. Guest started flowing in and everyone was surprisingly on time. (Besides my grandparents. But they move slow so I didn't blame them.) Once everyone was gathered, Alex went on this whole spiel of how he was happy everyone could come and that he was excited for his family for the next dinner. (Was suppose to be November 20th.) He mentioned how I was the love of his life and how he was so happy our families would mingle and we could be one. I wanted to ask him how dare he say that sh*t, but nothing but fake smiles and nods from me. Peach was basically looking like a clueless dog and smiling right along and clapping for us. To see this happen in real life is truly mind boggling. The lengths people will go to have their cake and eat it too. I could barely eat as the stress was getting to me so badly. At the time I set for the messages. People's phones started buzzing and Alex's and Peach's phone were blowing up. I would like to admit that for once a genuine smile crept on my face. It was like watching an entire kingdom crumble and fall. The horrified faces of Peach and Alex when they looked at me was golden. Its the one highlight I will hold on to from this emotional day. My Aunt went ballistic. She started calling my mom a "Cruel heartless B-word" over and over. My mother hurriedly checked her phone and saw I sent ner the screenshots. She started screaming and becoming irate saying I was really trying to ruin her life again. (As some you suggested, she still apparently is upset about being caught having a affair and being shunned). My grandparents reaction hurt the most because they started screaming at my mother. My grandmother was trying, with a few of our other guest to hold my Aunt back as she started screaming every explicative she could. My grandfather was screaming at my mother that he didn't raise a wh*re. At this point everyone is in screaming and crying hysterics. My other bridesmaids were cussing Peach out and calling ner a s*lt. I hate to admit again Il took joy in that. My grandfather went on to screaming at Alex with some things I can't say here because he was very explicit. I just started laughing and sobbing. I had so much emotions that I genuinely think my body didn't know what to do so it did everything. The tears just kept coming. My cousin escorted me outside as fast as she could with Alex chasing us down. He kept screaming my name and begging to talk. (Like most you suggested, he wanted to "Talk" to explain his side.) I ignored him and my cousin was pushing him away from her car so she could get in and drive off. She took me to my aunt's house and told me to stay there and not answer the door for anyone. I kinda felt like a kid being left at home alone lol. I didn't and just sat on the floor. That's when I just started bawling. All the emotions l've kept pent up for a whole week just finally came up. After about another hour, My Aunt and cousin came back home. They hugged me for like a good 5 minutes. When we finally broke off, I noticed my Aunt had a few scratches on her. I'm assuming they couldn't hold my aunt back from my mom for much longer. My aunt caught me up on everything. Apparently after my cousin drove off with me, Alex came back in and started screaming at Peach for ruining everything. They got into a screaming match and some of our friends were trying to split them apart. My grandparents, Aunt, and Tony (my moms husband) were drilling into my mother for answers. Tony was the most livid. Apparently, during the family trip I couldn't go to, my mom told Tony that I had OFFERED MY TICKET to Peach so she could enjoy a nice break for herself. Tony at this point is screaming and reading some of her messages out loud. She was begging him to stop and that she could explain. My aunt started adding on that she better start explaining because all she sees is a worthless mother and vile person. Apparently this set my mother off and she started screaming about how she hated me. About how I ruined her life and made it difficult. How she felt like she could never be happy because I was always a constant reminder of her "Biggest mistake ever" and she regretted not aborting me when she had the chance. That set my Aunt off and she basically pounced on her. For context, my Aunt is infertile. In her words, I was the daughter she never got to have. So in her mind, she went full mama bear mode on my birth giver. (That's what I'm calling her now. My aunt has been more of a nother to me than my mother ever has in the past 22 years of my life.) To make a long list short (I'm honestly getting back emotional and the fatigue and empty stomach aren't helping), here is everything else that happened: * Tony is divorcing my mom. He's had suspicions for a few months she's cheating again * Peach exposed Alex's text to her that he was sleeping with her because he felt I was growing distant a while back (l was putting in overtime at work to save up for his birthday) and that he was lonely and didn't know how to bring it up to me * Peach's father spammed her with calls and will be cuting her off finically. (Apparently this is my fault and I'm a evil Witch for ruining her *according to her texts*) * My mother has been on a tirade with our family exclaiming I'm a evil person for destroying her world again.(Should have thought about that before condoning anything) * Half sibs felt it wasn't their place to say anything to me and that I should have expected Alex to look else where because "Humans aren't monogamous and people love who they love" (Same old, same old) A lot more has happened, but to avoid my brain from imploding on itself from the stress and anger, It's finally out in the air. l've been getting text and calls from everyone, but at the moment, l've left my phone in the other room. I'm updating this from my aunt's computer. My aunt offered for me to stay with her until I get out of this jumbled mess. I accepted it seeing as I have no intention of going back to that apartment. I've already emailed my landlord and will be handling it all next week. My boss emailed me back and said I was allowed to use some PTO for as long as I need. I will definelty take it seeing as I'm highly considering moving somewhere quiet and peaceful. l'm thinking maybe lowa or maybe even North Coralina. I've heard they have good cost of living in those states. I want to thank you guys so much again. I truly appreciate all the support I've been given and receiving. I'll be offline after today for a few days. I feel like I need to just disconnect from everything and just actually comfort myself. My aunt and cousin are at my place getting some of my things and my cat. Alex is there begging them to not take my things and to have me just talk to him. I don't know what he thinks a conversation will do. The emotional and mental scar I have is not going to go away for a while. I also know I have a long journey waiting for me in therapy. A lot of people have been pointing out that I was severely abused by my mother. Now, that I know how much she hates me. It will be easier to go no contact now TLDR: Sent the messages out to everyone. Dinner imploded. Life sucks rn, but I know l'll make it through. Thank you guys for all your messages and support again. I truly appreciate it. Reddit is a great place besides the lunatics l've encountered at this point. Thank you [Update 2](https://reddit.com/u/strawberry_cheese237/s/ENCeWHs8Nx) **Oct 13, 2023** Hopefully Reddit doesn't screw me over. I will recap things from my first update if things can't get fixed in my first post. TW: Self-H*arm, S*icide attempt ​ For context for new people?: Peach (ex bbf) Alex (ex fiance) Egg Donor (my mother) Tony (My egg donors STBX) ​ I posted a recap in the comments, but it is buried and I don't know if I can pin the comment. I messaged Alex's parents the screenshots. His parents were very upset. I scheduled text messages to be sent out to everyone during the rehearsal dinner. I also sent the screenshots to Peach's dad. (He is her only parent. Her mother isn't with us anymore. Bless her though.) I made sure it went to Peach's family as well. (I added them to the scheduled mass text after I decided they should know.) I also sent them to my family, Alex's family and my own. Once the schedule time went by, everything went into chaos. Peach was being berated by my now ex friends (on why things escalated). Peach's father cut her off financially. My grandparents, aunt, and Tony started grilling my mom for answers. I guess under the pressure she confessed to hating me. She thinks I'm the reason her life was difficult and ruined. I was the product of a long going affair I have come to find out. After my mom insulted me, my aunt physically assaulted her. (Something she is proud of she keeps telling me.) My cousin got me out quickly when the chaos ensued. Alex tried to chase us down, but my cousin maneuvered between him and she took me to my aunt's place. Its where I'm at still. My phone has been blowing up since then. My aunt came home and recapped everything for me when she got back. They got my things from the apartment. (Most important to me was my cat.) And that's where my last update left off. However, things have escalated heavily. Once I woke up and took a long hot shower, I turned my phone back on. I couldn't even unlock it or clear notification before I got a call from one of my bridesmaids. I answered and she immediately started screaming at me about how could I ignore Peach and Alex in their time of need. At first I was confused seeing as I don't give a damn about them anymore. I asked her to not yell at me, but she continued anyway. She screamed that Peach self h*armed. When she sent me the images they were very top surface level. Enough for the scar to appear and a little bl*od. (Regardless of whether or not it was deep enough it still shook me.) I wanted to scoff on the phone because at this point I know she was doing it to rally people on her side since I wont respond to her text. Yet she also told me Alex tried to OD. His friends found him at my apartment all groggy. They took him to the hospital where he was cleared since they didn't have to pump. They are keeping him on watch for the next 72 hours which is good. (Just because I hate his guts doesn't mean he needs to d*e). After this, my friend group has been split very heavily since I didn't respond to either of them before they did this. I still have no intention of talking to either of them. I don't really care what they do for attention. Just as long as they leave me the hell alone. During the initial confrontation with my egg donor, Tony found out my egg donor lied to him and said Peach could take my ticket to go with them for the trip. They got home and started arguing more because Tony brought up the suspicions he had about my mother cheating. She started screaming at him and confessing everything. She told him my half sibs aren't his and a lot of other very hurtful things. He had to call the police on her to escort her off his property. Tony followed up with me this morning (Yes, he is divorcing her. His lawyers are drafting up his papers within the next week or so) and told me that my mother confessed that I was the product of a long term affair she had with his best friend. (My egg donor is a very VILE woman I am coming to learn.) Yet after finding out Tony is getting papers, she has tried to back peddle. She has been calling my Aunt begging for her to convince Tony not to do this or else she will be homeless. She has been trying to call Tony and his family, but they all have been ignoring her. :) Yet, this wasn't enough for my Egg Donor. She knows my aunt schedule and tried to come over to assault me. My cousin was with me still, so she couldn't get in. But, hearing her scream at me some of my very low insecurities hurt and I started to have a panic attack. My cousin took me upstairs when We heard a loud crash. My mother broke through the window and ran upstairs and attacked me. For once in my life, I hit my egg donor back. All the anger I had towards her I finally let out. My cousin was struggling to separate us that she had to run to get our neighbor. I only have a few scratches and bite marks but outside of that I am okay. I'm also placing charges against my egg donor. Hopefully I can get a restraining order honestly. My mom ran off before the police came, but I gave them Tony's address just in case she tries going back there. I see that those evil people aren't going to stop until they get a response out of me. However, on the weird side, I got a call from my half-sister. She tried apologizing and I cut her off because I don't want to hear it anymore. She then scoffed and HAD THE NERVE to ask if I could watch my nieces while her, her husband, and her boyfriend all go on a trip. I love my nieces and nephews, but I told her that she could go F herself. If she wanted me to watch her nieces then she would have to ask through my aunt. She started screaming how I was being unfair to her and punishing her kids. I told her I was punishing her. She said nevermind and that I couldn't see my nieces. I knew this was something that could happen, but it hurt my heart. I'm pretty sure she's telling them I hate them. I'm keeping the screenshots and my aunt and cousin said they would back me up if they reach out in the future. This is everything so much, but I'm expecting more to happen honestly. One thing I know about egg donor is that she hates losing. I know she sees this as a loss and she won't stop until she comes out on top. My half brother has me blocked on everything and I'm pretty sure he is siding with my half-sister. I'm just really emotionally distraught, but I wanted to update you guys. I'll update again if anything else happens, but if not this will probably be my final update because I just want all of this shit show to end. In good news though, I start therapy next week. My aunt and cousin are currently packing up Alex's things and dropping them off at a buddy of his. His name is Kyle (he is on my side) and he's been helping me through all of this as well. He dropped me off my favorite fruit this morning to my aunt. He also assured me that I can talk to him any time. I asked him if he would be in further communication with Alex and he said no. He's just holding on to his things until his parents can pick them up. I really appreciate him. But that's it for now, I will update in the comments once I get that restraining order. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (22F) found out my family is hiding my fiancé's (M23) affair with my best friend (F23). How do I confront my family, fiancé, and best friend?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17c2ac8/i_22f_found_out_my_family_is_hiding_my_fiancés/

17c2in4

[**WIBTA if I tell a couple I'm a mistress for both of them?**](https://www.tumblr.com/am-i-the-asshole-official/725857237726380032/wibta-if-i-tell-a-couple-im-a-mistress-for-both) submitted anonymously to [am-i-the-asshole-official.tumblr.com](https://am-i-the-asshole-official.tumblr.com) on August 16, 2023 this is a long one and a very weird situation but here we go. I (28F) have been seeing two people recently. I've been seeing C (30F) for a little over 5 months and M (29M) for almost 6 months. both relationships are currently in a state of non-commitment, even though I've expressed feelings in both relationships and theyve been reciprocated, but I'm naturally not a super commitment-focused person and both of the people I'm seeing have respected that a lot, so yeah. anyways, both relationships have been great and I'm incredibly happy w them, and since neither are committed to me I've kind of just assumed that both C and M were likely seeing other people as well even if we haven't talked about it. WELL. about a week ago C came over to my place to spend the night, which she does like once a week or every other week. she goes to take a shower and I start gathering laundry and grab her stuff to throw in with mine and take her phone out of her jeans. I glance at the screen and see a few texts from a contact called "my love <3" I was kinda surprised by this because while not talking to me about casual relationships is not something I would care about, the contact name made me think she had a more serious relationship going on, which I don't mind but would like to be informed about. soooo okay I did an admittedly asshole thing and read the text. and then read a few more. and it became apparent that this was a REALLY committed relationship. like, I love yous, I'll be back home soon, please remember to grab so and so from the grocery store, stuff like that. the contact picture looked kind of familiar too so I clicked on it to see better and it ended up being a picture of M. I kind of flipped at this bc this is kind of a ridiculous situation, and I left my apartment for some air. I came back like 30 minutes later and C was waiting for me and confused where I'd been (she didn't see/hear me leave since she was still in the shower). I apologized to her for looking at her phone but told her that I saw the texts from her partner, and that I was feeling kind of hurt that she hadn't told me that she had a more serious relationship going on, since she knows I value transparency. I specifically did not mention that I was also dating M or knew who he was because I felt I needed to scope out the situation more. she ended up breaking down in tears and spilled everything. told me that M is her husband, that he doesn't know she's been seeing me, that shes felt so conflicted and guilty because she loves him but has really grown to love me too, that she feels wrong and dirty for keeping everything secret. I'm upset that I've been made into a mistress without knowing, but I try to talk to her about everything, we end up staying up super late talking and crying and pouring our hearts out. I still don't mention that I'm dating M too because I feel like I need to talk to him about this before any big decisions are made on my part. I ended up inviting M to stay at my place a few nights later, and I confront him about the fact that I know he has a wife (made up something about my friend seeing them out together) and ask why he's kept this from me. his reaction was really similar. guilt, not understanding why he's attracted to two people at once, saying he very deeply loves C and doesn't want to leave her but really loves me too, says he's confused and doesn't know what to do. I don't mention to him that I know C or that I'm dating her. I asked him if he's heard of polyamory before, and he said yes but he doesn't know anything about it really. I ended up encouraging him to maybe talk to his wife to see if that's something she'd be interested in, but he was terrified that she'd be hurt by the suggestion. I really do love both of them and don't want to leave them. I've been poly for a long time and am very familiar with navigating ethical non monogamy, and to me this feels a lot like two poly people struggling to come to terms with and accept a facet of their sexualities, and they're just navigating that confusion and self discovery in ways that are...not great. but, I want to give them grace for their mistakes I guess? so this is the part where I think I might be the asshole if I go thru with it. I've talked with both C and M separately about talking to their spouse about what's been going on and about polyamory in general, and they're both fucking terrified and really don't want to. so, I was thinking of inviting them both to my place at the same time to hash it out (without telling them that the other person will be there, since they still don't know I'm dating both of them). I think once they realize they've been dating the same person things might be easier to navigate, and will force them to confront what's been going on?? but also idk if springing this on them is the best thing I could do, but I really have no idea how to navigate this differently. to be frank, if they love each other and both love me, my ideal outcome is that we continue things as they have been but with no secrecy and 100% transparency. I'm also afraid that even though they've both been seeing the same person and have expressed interest in polyamory after talking about it with me, they might feel personally betrayed by each other and everything could backfire spectacularly, AND I could possibly explode their whole marriage. so, WIBTA? &#x200B; &#x200B; *Judgement was NTA at 49.9% of the vote. The rest of the votes were split among small percentages for other judgements, second place being NAH at 13.1%.* &#x200B; &#x200B; [**UPDATE: WIBTA for telling a couple I'm a mistress for both of them?**](https://www.tumblr.com/am-i-the-asshole-official/726111295543361536/wibta-if-i-tell-a-couple-im-a-mistress-for-both) submitted anonymously to [am-i-the-asshole-official.tumblr.com](https://am-i-the-asshole-official.tumblr.com) on August 19, 2023 some people asked for an update on the situation and so I'm here to deliver I guess. I ended up dealing with the situation quite a bit before my question actually got posted because it was kinda time sensitive (to me at least, I did not feel comfortable sitting on that info any longer than I already had). thanks for all y'all's kind words though, and for all the jokes at my expense. to the person who said this would happen to a modern george costanza I just need you to know ive laughed about that like a million times and I'm a little in love with you bc of it. my life is typically incredibly boring so this has been a Time, to say the least. so. here's what ended up happening. I ended up meeting with my therapist the day after I submitted the ask to talk about normal therapy stuff, but also to get her take on this situation i'd found myself in. she said that involving myself in this situation more than I needed to was a bad idea, that I shouldn't try to talk things out and should likely just cut contact with both of them and not divulge info about the fact i'd been dating both of them. this kind of left a bad taste in my mouth because I guess I felt like I would owe it to both of them to at least explain why I'm dipping from our relationships? because even though there's not commitment necessarily, lots of feelings have been shared and reciprocated and it wouldn't feel right to just walk away with no explanation. I also wasn't really wanting to break up with either of them despite the fact that I'd started to grow kind of upset about being made into a mistress without knowing. im still giving them both grace for their mistakes, but can't deny that I've been feeling really hurt by the whole situation. I also ended up talking to a friend of mine who suggested that hosting a talk with both of them at my place would be a bad idea since if things went bad between them I wouldn't be able to just leave, and I agreed after thinking about it. I really wasn't sure how to approach this because no option felt good? or right? so I ended up taking a kind of clumsy route. the day after therapy I invited C over to my place to talk because she tends to be the more level headed and less emotional of the two of them, and I thought it would be easier to explain to her first. I admitted to her that I knew M, and that I'd actually been seeing him for a little longer than I'd been seeing her. I told her I hadn't known they were married or that they even knew each other until the day I confronted her about having a partner. she was pretty taken aback and upset that I hadn't said anything before (fair), and I apologized and told her that I didn't know how to approach the situation without potentially ruining things for them and that's why I waited to gather info and decide what to do. we talked for a long time about everything. I apologized for not telling her sooner, she apologized for involving me in a huge mess without my knowledge, lots of apologies all around and emotional talk. she said she felt kind of betrayed by M, but also felt that she didn't have the right to feel that way considering....everything. I then told her that I hadn't talked to M about this yet, and that I would leave the news up to her discretion since theyre at a level of commitment I simply don't have with either of them. I offered to tell him myself or to be there with her, or to keep myself out of it if that's what she preferred. she decided that she wanted to talk to M by herself and would let me know how things went, and I agreed with this. she told me I love you, gave me a kiss, and off she went. that night at like 4 in the morning I get texts from M. he says he and C have been up all night talking about the situation, and that he's upset with me for not divulging the fact that I'd been dating both of them sooner, but that he understands why I was hesitant and doesn't blame me. he gives a long-winded apology for involving me in the whole situation, then says that he needs time to think about everything with C and that they want to work on their communication and their marriage, so he'd be taking space from our relationship for the time being. I text him back once I've woken up and apologize too, and tell him I understand. C texts me a similar thing about needing time and space, I tell her the same thing. I'm not like, completely stupid. I knew this was gonna be a really likely possibility, but it still hurts in a lot of ways. I feel kind of betrayed by both of them for making me a mistress without my knowledge, and I'm also heartbroken because I do genuinely love both of them despite the fact that I'm a little angry with them in this moment. maybe I'm jumping the gun by thinking "taking time" means a breakup, but I can't help but feel like that's what it is. maybe I'm just catastrophizing bc of anxiety, but I really don't know how else to feel tbh, or how to talk myself off this ledge. I also feel incredibly selfish for wanting something from them still while they're trying to figure out how they're going to move forward in their relationship, esp because obviously their marriage takes priority over "woman I've loved for half a year". it's been almost a week and I haven't heard from either of them yet, so I've kinda just been wallowing in my misery and expecting the worst. I don't feel like it's appropriate for me to reach out and also feel it would be unfair of me to do so since they both asked for time, so I'm kinda just in waiting mode until I hear from them. they're both genuinely really great people despite how the situation has turned out, and I really hope things work out for them and they can work thru this together. but man I can't help but wish that I could be there, too. if I hear back from them I might update again (it's kind of nice to vent about everything in an anonymous setting), but if they don't contact me again then....I guess that's all from me. thanks for listening to my dumb feelings

WIBTA if I tell a couple I'm a mistress for both of them?

EXTERNAL

passingthrough3333

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17c2in4/wibta_if_i_tell_a_couple_im_a_mistress_for_both/

17ch4um

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ThrowRa\_thw](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa_thw/). She posted in r/relationship_advice **Trigger Warning:** >!abuse, child neglect!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!bleak, especially in light of the edit!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1707opw/my_24f_husband_31m_asked_for_a_paternity_test_it/)**: October 4, 2023** My (24F) husband (31M) and I have three children, our sons look exactly like him (dark skin and dark eyes and hair) but our daughter doesn't, she looks exactly like my great grandparents (really pale, blonde and green eyed) but apparently he didn't think it was possible that our daughter could look like my great grandparents, and from the moment he saw her he told me he wanted a paternity test. At first I refused because I felt it was humiliating and because I didn't think it was necessary because I never cheated on him and I hoped he would trust me but he didn't and for the first two months of our daughter's life he made my life hell. He didn't want to hold her even if she cried desperately while I was doing something else, he never woke up at night to help me with her, he never helped me with anything and that hurt me so much because with our boys he was completely different. He helped me all the time with absolutely everything and he was always there for me after giving birth, but this time he left me alone and it was the worst experience of my life. I have no family here and his entire family from the moment they saw my daughter turned their backs on me, I don't have any friends here either so it was just my daughter and me. She is a colicky baby so it was very difficult for me to do everything alone and on top of that help with our sons. I decided to do the paternity test because one day his entire family came to our house to celebrate my son's birthday and no one spoke to me and they didn't want to include my daughter in the photos that my in laws took of all the grandchildren. So I knew it was stupid to keep waiting for them to come to their senses. Well, the paternity test came back positive and everyone was shocked and of course they felt guilty for not having believed in me. Everyone apologized and my husband even cried when he held our daughter in his arms for the first time and I know that his apologies were genuine and that's why I forgave him but I don't know if I can forgive his family. They treated me really badly and said horrible things about me just a few days after giving birth and I can't forget their insults or violence. My husband knows that I don't want to see his family nor do I want them near any of our children and he told his family, so these last three months it has been just the five of us, but it doesn't feel as good as I expected. My husband is constantly apologizing and crying every time he holds our daughter and I am getting tired of this situation. I want us to be happy as we were before. So how can we move on? My husband suggested that we should start couples therapy, how much can therapy help? ***Relevant Comments:*** *What exactly happened with the violence? Why haven't you taken your children back to your family?* "his sister pulled my hair during a fight (a one sided fight btw because I never responded to her insults) and his mother also did it on another occasion. I'm planning to go visit my family in a few months." *And your husband allowed that violence to continue?* "I told him what they did and they had a fight about it, he was never violent with me." "He got angry because he didn't know what they did and when I told him they ended up in a fight because he didn't like that they intervened in our relationship nor that they were violent with me." *How old were you when you got together?* "I was 18" *OOP answers some questions:* >Has he ever mistrusted you for no reason or refused to listen to you before? Is it a common occurrence? No, this was the first time. >how old were you when you had your first? 19 *Don't return when you go visit your family:* "I wish I could do that, but that would cause me legal problems because my children were not born in my home country. And if I don't bring them back to their country I could have problems." *Did anything happen in your past (or his) that would give him doubts?* "Yes, when I met him I was seeing someone else but it wasn't something serious or exclusive and I stopped seeing that person to start dating my husband, and he thinks that's considered "cheating" also he started getting paranoid in the last few months because I started to be good friends with a coworker and he has green eyes like my daughter and for some reason my husband thought that I cheated on him with that man." *Did he tell you he was uncomfortable with the coworker?* "Yes, he told me that he didn't like us being friends because he was sure that my coworker liked me, and I told him that he was overreacting and being extremely jealous, and I refused to stop being friends with that man and I know that helped him think I cheated on him and I know it was my fault." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1741sov/updatemy_24f_husband_31m_asked_for_a_paternity/)**: October 9, 2023 (5 days later)** I think before the update I should clarify a few things to put you in context, I know I should have said it in my [original post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/363F7tTmo0) but I didn't, and that made many people believe so many things that are not true. Before I got pregnant I met a man (I think he's in his early fifties) at work and you could say that he's a little *too* friendly, for example he liked to buy me and another female coworker (she's in her late fifties) coffee every morning, or once in a while he used to leave a flower on our desks and things like that, that never seemed strange to me because he never tried anything with any of us, he was always just friendly, and he was always talking about his wife, children and grandchildren and giving us parenting advice. Well, my husband didn't like that I was friends with this man because he said that he was sure that this man liked me because I'm young and that he would soon try something with me, and when he told me that I told him that I wouldn't stop being friends with him because he was always respectful and I didn't see anything wrong with being friends with a man. And I'm not gonna lie, he got really angry but after a few days he forgot about it. But all those doubts resurfaced when our daughter was born, because she had a lot of platinum blonde hair, which none of our other children (5M, 4M) had, and my husband thought she would look like her brothers, but no, she looked completely different from him and me and that made him doubt, my coworker is not blonde but he has the same eye color as our daughter and he's very pale just like her. So my husband asked me for a paternity test and I refused because it was humiliating and because I thought that at least he would educate himself about basic biology but he didn't, and when I say this I mean that my great grandparents look exactly like my daughter, same color hair, eyes and skin, and he always knew that but decided to ignore it to believe that I was cheating on him. And I know that I helped this situation escalate and end badly because I should have accepted the paternity test, and I say that because here it is not easy to do a paternity test without authorization from both parents. And regarding his sister and mother, they never liked me and for a while we even stopped having contact with his family because I didn't like the way they treated me, but when our second son was born I felt alone because it was just my husband, his friends, our son and I and I wanted my children to grow up with a family so we got back in touch with them and in fact they treated me very well until my daughter was born. And when they pulled my hair my husband wasn't present and I didn't tell him until a few weeks later, and by then they had a big fight because of that. I swear that he was never violent nor did he ever endorse anyone being violent with me. Well, the update is that I gave him an ultimatum and told him that I want to go live in my home country and be close to my family and that if he didn't want that then the only option would be getting divorced. When I told him that, I also told him that I'm talking to a lawyer to advise me on divorce and joint custody, and I guess that made him realize that I was being serious because he said he would be willing to do that to earn my forgiveness. Another thing I asked him is to cut off contact with his family forever because I don't want our children to suffer what I suffered with them, and he agreed. At the moment our plan is to travel for Christmas and stay there for a few weeks and move in the middle of next year. In the meantime we will go to couples and individual therapy and hope to be able to solve our problems. So far things are going well and I hope they continue that way. **EDIT:** I don't understand why there are so many people accusing me of being a terrible wife and not supporting my husband when he told me to stop talking to my coworker. I've supported him since we started dating, I moved to a different country as a teenager, I left behind my family, friends and everything I ever knew, all for him. I didn't go to college until last year because he was doing his PhD and I had to stay home with the kids full time, which is why I could never have a single friend here, because since I arrived here my only duty was to be a mother and housewife, and that consumed all my time. I got my first job when I was 23 and it was only because the kids were old enough to go to kindergarten, so don't say I don't support him because that's the only thing I've been doing since we started dating. This was the first time I had "friends" here, even though they were both over fifty, and it felt good because there were days where I felt so alone and talking to them at work made me feel good. But for him that was wrong and when my daughter was born I quit my job that I liked so much, just so that he would stop feeling insecure, so don't jump to conclusions or say stupid things. ***Relevant Comments:*** *People say OOP downplayed the coworker stuff/more clarity:* "Well, maybe I did downplay his behavior, but it's my first job and since he never behaved inappropriately I thought it's something a lot of people do when they share an office with others, also all our coworkers speak highly of him, no one ever called him creepy or anything like that" "I never gave flowers but during the time I worked there and shared an office with this man and another woman I used to bake cookies to share with them and things like that. I don't know if it's comparable but what I mean is that in our office we used to exchange things, whether it was a coffee, a cookie or a flower." *One more response to the (downvoted) people who think she's going too far in cutting them off:* "his family rejected my daughter since she was born, they pulled my hair during a onesided fight when I was holding my daughter, they mistreated me when I was pregnant with my first child so why should he keep in touch with people who don't respect his wife or his daughter?"

My (24F) husband (31M) asked for a paternity test, it came back positive but our relationship was never the same.

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ch4um/my_24f_husband_31m_asked_for_a_paternity_test_it/

17crquu

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ffgghhjjkkll112233 **AITA for wanting to sleep in comfortable pajamas at my boyfriend's house?** **Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/AmItheButtface** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Controlling behavior, homophobia!< [OriginalPost](/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cymhuf/_/eyswbfn/?context=1)  **Sept 2, 2019** So last night was my (24f) first sleepover with my new boyfriend (29m) of two months. He bought me a gift of lingerie. It is beautiful, but not comfortable. I think of this particular lingerie as the sort of thing you only wear for 5 minutes at a time then your partner takes it off haha. Which is essentially what happened. I wore the lingerie for him, he took it off, we were intimate, it was lovely. But then the trouble started when we were ready to sleep. I went to put on the pajamas I packed, which is men's boxers (I bought it specifically for pajamas, it wasn't an exes or anything haha) and a t-shirt I got from the beach. This is the sort of thing I always wear to sleep and I didn't think it should be any different with my boyfriend. But he asked why I didn't put the lingerie back on, did I not like it? I said that I loved it but it was a bit scratchy to actually sleep in. He said what the hell was my outfit, why was I dressed like a man. I said I always sleep in stuff like this, except when it's cold I wear footie pajamas. He said that's fine when I'm alone but when I am with him it makes him feel "sick to his stomach" to see me dressed "like a man". So I caved and put the lingerie back on. I'm now lying awake because the lingerie is scratching my nethers. He is my first boyfriend I could actually sleep over with (I've been single since high school) so I admit I don't really know the etiquette. AITA? This is similar to the lingerie, this is similar to the shirt, this is the boxers. **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **[deleted]** >NTA If he's against you sleeping in a shirt and boxers because of aesthetic, what the hell else would he control? Maybe he should sleep in the lingerie for one night and rethink his asshole opinion. Sleep wear isn't meant to be sexy. **OOP replied** >>I wish he would just try the lingerie on to see what it feels like. But maybe that wouldn't be fair because he is a male and has a different situation in that region then me. But the lingerie digs into me really bad because it's a bodysuit type and I'm tall, they make these for average height women. And he said that the reason it doesn't fit is because I'm too fat for it. I probably should have included that in the first post maybe... it is a size L and I'm more of an XL, but I think my proportions would be that of an average height size L. I don't think I'm fat, I'm more curvy/chubby and I thought that was his type cuz his exwife has a similar body type. * **amieability** >NTA, he is controlling and manipulating you into doing what he wants because you feel bad. Take that shit off and put on the comfy clothes. If his masculinity is that fragile then you need to run from this boy child. **OOP replied** >>Haha that is what I did. If he says a bad word to me about it tomorrow I am not going to sleep over again and consider breaking up. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/s/ik2v1Y7wey) **Sept 3, 2019** A few people asked me to update them with my boyfriend's reaction when he wakes up, but since my post was deleted for "rule 8" I figured I should post the update over here so this one doesn't get deleted too. After reading everyone's responses I decided it's over between the two of us whether he tries to apologize for the stunt he pulled or not. So a few hours after I posted I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend quietly sobbing. I roll over toward him and he's like "Why can't you do this one thing for me?? All I want is for my woman to look like a woman because I'm not gay". I told him that I'm done and he started throwing a tantrum like a 2 year old. I didn't even bother to listen to it, I had gathered my stuff together before I went to sleep so I just picked up my backpack and left. Went home, picked up beer, pizza, and ice cream on the way. Put on some cartoons and was chilling all afternoon. Then my friend who works at spencer's texted me. Apparently my ex had come in and tried to return the lingerie. Obviously they could only give him store credit because it was out of the box, and he started throwing yet another childish tantrum. He had to be escorted out of the store by a mall cop. Thanks to y'all I dodged a bullet with this manbaby. He obviously has some serious issues and I don't think I'm the right person to help him with them. I just really feel bad for his kids and his exwife who are stuck with him. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **knitlikeaboss** >EW HE TRIED TO RETURN THE USED LINGERIE??? >(Also he bought it at Spencer’s? Like, black light posters and novelty sex gifts Spencer’s?) >Good for you for getting rid of that misogynistic manbaby. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for wanting to sleep in comfortable pajamas at my boyfriend's house?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17crquu/aita_for_wanting_to_sleep_in_comfortable_pajamas/

17ctyd2

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowTheManAway7 **Idiot fiancé breaks up with me, ruins his own life** **Originally posted to r/Vent** **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Financial and emotional abuse, emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/s/ZuN7kTyYwN)  **June 26, 2023** Last week my (27F) fiancé (29M), we’ll call him Mason, broke up with me because I told him that I didn’t want to leave my job and move across the country so he could be a streamer. I make very good money here in Minneapolis, my family is here, and I love the scenery of the area (outside the city of course). My ex was basically a stay-at-home boyfriend, he worked only 20 hours a week as a barista at the Starbucks that is literally a 5 minute walk from our apartment. I work as a NICU nurse and I make good money, so I was never worried about our financials. What worried me was that, despite Mason having a biology degree, he was “never able to get” a full time biology job. I think he was never even looking in the first place. I told Mason that I would be happy to help him pay for the masters/phd program he was supposedly interested in doing, but he never put in the work to do any research into it or apply. Instead, he was obsessed with the idea of becoming a streamer and moving to LA. But, Mason “never had time” to stream or work on building a social media presence. He has literally 2 followers on Twitch and the last time he streamed was a year ago. I paid for everything: the apartment, our groceries, his medication, his pet fish, all of our dates (that I always planned), but despite working crazy hours I was always the one grocery shopping on my way home and cleaning the dishes and cooking and doing laundry. The only thing he would do consistently was clean his fish tank and turn on the roomba. But sure, _I’m_ the problem when I tell him to stop piling the trash up 12” over the edge of the bin and actually take it out, and i’m the problem when I told him that I was not going to leave my job and pay for us to move to LA — and leave my entire family behind — when he’s literally done nothing to make his own aspirations come true. Dude sits at home for 50 hours a week in his underwear eating takis and playing video games that he _isn’t even streaming_ and expects me to cook dinner as soon as I get home from the hospital. So we had a fight and he broke up with me. Genius move. So I cancelled the lease on _my_ apartment and I’m staying with my sister while I go house hunting and deleting every trace of that idiot from my life. He’s tried calling and texting me, but I’m done with his leeching. I just wish other people could see through his carefully crafted lies because I have lost 2 friends who are just eating up his sob story. Can’t believe I’m such a mean mean girlfriend who won’t be my man’s mommy 😢 TLDR: My fiancé killed his golden goose over a trash bag and a non-existent streaming career **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **[deleted]** >Wow you're such an amazing woman to have supported this man so much financially! You deserve someone way better maybe its best you dont marry him. I mean don't you want someone with more substance and contribution to the living situation? This whole thing sucks Im sorry you're going through this. **OOP replied** >>Oh absolutely, but I didn’t think it would always be like this. I was under the impression that he wanted to get his PhD in biology and work professionally in that field until recently. I thought he was genuinely struggling to get interviews and to get accepted into a program. I mean, if I was working super hard and trying to get into a phd program I would want my partner to be supportive of me, but in reality he wasn’t working towards that at all. He just decided he didn’t want/have to grow up I guess [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/s/UrbmIBVpKW)  **Aug 11, 2023** So, a while ago I posted about my ex-fiancé “Mason” and I breaking up because he wanted to move to LA and be a streamer despite being lazy and having 2 followers on Twitch. Well, through a friend, I have learned of some shocking developments. For starters, Mason is moving to LA in September. So, I’m excited to go to our usual haunts and not have to worry about running into him anymore. But the second thing I learned confirmed that he was only using me as a meal ticket: 1 week after our breakup he came out as gay and officially started dating our mutual best friend, now my ex-best friend, who he always described as “like a brother to him”. I’ll go ahead and say now that I have nothing against gay people. I’m happy for him and hopefully he can be with someone he has an actual chance of loving sincerely. But, to say I didn’t have suspicions of him cheating in the last few months of our relationship would be a lie. And now to know that he knew he was gay for A YEAR before we broke up, and he was just riding on my paycheck while likely fucking his “bro” on the side. Good news, my STD tests all came back clean, though we hadn’t had sex in several months before our breakup. Truthfully, I hope Mason can find peace and find what will motivate him. But it sucks that all of the struggle and strife of the last year could have been avoided if he had just been honest about his sexuality and actually stepped up to the plate and took responsibility for his own finances instead of expecting to be handed life on a silver platter. As for myself, I am closing on a house next week, I’ve joined a local tennis league, and I have started dating again, just enjoying myself and seeing what is out there. The house I’m buying will need a few renovations, which I’m excited about doing myself. Life is good, but weird sometimes! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Idiot fiancé breaks up with me, ruins his own life

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ctyd2/idiot_fiancé_breaks_up_with_me_ruins_his_own_life/

17cu0tp

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/EDMBassGuy **Well tonight was a complete fucking disaster, and a horrible start (and probably end) to Me being an SD** **Originally posted to r/sugarlifestyleforum** **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Drug use, racism, verbal abuse!< **GLOSSARY OF TERMS** **SB = Sugar Baby** **SD = Sugar Daddy** **M&G = Meet and Greet** [Well tonight was a complete fucking disaster, and a horrible start (and probably end) to Me being an SD](https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/s/72EntBhqOQ) **Aug 4, 2023** Howdy, Some of y'all might recall me posting some questions about 1) What SB's might think about me since I gave up drinking alcohol and 2) A post about dancing/teasing with a girl I was taking to an EDM concert. Well that concert was tonight, and I was fuckin' super hyped because my favorite producers was performing. He even dropped a new album about two weeks ago which I've been listening to non-stop, so you can imagine I was mega hyped. It got even more exciting because I met an SB a few weeks back that seemed to be mega chill and was also into EDM, and she was more than happy to join me for this EDM show. We planned it out: I'd come pick her up since she kinda lives in the boonies, and we'd drive ~45min into the city for the show, and I'd grab us an Airbnb for the night. Everything was going great for a while. Had a great chat on the drive from her place, settled in at the Airbnb, the SB had a White Claw, and I DoorDash'd in some grub, and then we eventually Uber'd over to the venue. Once we got there, we kinda hung around for the first two opening acts, and during this time I bought the SB two tequila shots and had Orange Juice myself (bartender was a homie and hooked me up with that OJ for free lol). I had communicated to the SB during our M&G two weeks back that I had given up alcohol, and she seemed perfectly fine with it. I told her I didn't mind whatsoever if she drank. Well at some point, she went to the bathroom, and when she came back... she was clearly fucked up on something. At first I thought the alcohol was hitting her especially hard, but slowly I realized it was probably something else... It was utterly fucking insane how much her demeanor had changed. Her sense of time must have become distorted as fuck because she kept complaining and asking when the main act was going to be on every 2-3 minutes or so, acting like the openers had been on stage for eons or some shit. I was getting pretty fed up, but I was vibing to the music so I just tried to keep things positive, mostly concerned I'd end up having to essentially babysit a wasted white girl. Unfortunately, that didn't last very long as things went south fuckin' fast. At some point, she became even more fucked up and started accusing me of being creepy looking, that the crowd was being weird, and that I or someone else had slipped her something via her drink, even though I never handled her drinks at all. I was absolutely fucking floored. I had never been in this situation before. We left the venue and went into the venue's parking lot to figure out wtf to do. I was at a loss, because while I know women have these kinds of horrifying experiences, I was being accused by this SB even though I had done absolutely nothing but be a gentlemen the entire time. I was simultaneously scared for this SB's safety while also being scared of getting into some fucked legal trouble for this shitshow of a situation. She wanted me to call an Uber to take her home, which would've been a $100 hourlong ride. I was fine with that, but she had left her stuff at the Airbnb, and she wanted to go by herself, but couldn't because she didn't have the access codes which were under my Airbnb account. She decided she'd still go back home, and that I'd grab her shit and mail it to her later. Okay, whatever, I just wanted this over with. Once I realized shit was going sideways with this SB, I asked her if there was someone she could call to get her somewhere safe, but she kept looking at me like I was trying to eat her or something. I call her an Uber, it arrives, and she changes her mind and wants to go to the Airbnb instead of home. I don't know how to change the destination address, so I ask the Uber driver, and he doesn't know either. I guess because I have dark skin, and the Uber driver also had dark skin, the SB asked if we knew each other, and then accused us of being in cahoots or some fucked up shit. I apologized to the Uber driver, and told him he could leave. So I ordered a new Uber to the Airbnb for us, we get in, and then the SB starts freaking out about the car smelling like gasoline, that it was burning her eyes, and her skin. She demanded the Uber driver pull over, and she hopped out. I'm sitting there in the Uber wondering what in the fuck is going on, and this SB walks off into a little covered door area to talk to someone on the phone. Back to me sitting in the Uber, I asked him if I should call non-emergency Police because I was legitimately concerned about her safety. She was wearing women's rave attire, which was very skimpy, and she was clearly fucked up out of her mind. He wasn't sure, but he told me to go find her, talk to her, and let her know I was going to GTFO. So I went and found her, and she was on the phone with some randos who she said could take care of her (she mentioned having friends in the EDM community who might be at the show). I'm pretty positive she gave them some fucked story about me being a drugging rapist or some shit, so I told her that I was going back to the Airbnb to grab my shit, cancelling everything, and that I was going home. Later, I texted the SB that I hope she ends up safe, that she was an immense disappointment, that I couldn't believe she made me miss this show, and that she needs to lose all my contact info. During my ride back to the Airbnb, I called my friend to let him know what was going on, that way I had some kind of "paper trail", and I also asked the Uber driver if he would be willing to act as a witness to her drug-fueled nuttiness in case she decides to get me in trouble or something. He agreed she was acting fucked up, and he even said he was getting scared of her. We started heading towards the Airbnb, and I wanted to lighten the mood so I asked the Uber driver where he was from. Well it turns out the driver was from Libya, and so I had a wonderful conversation with him about his hometown of Tripoli, and how amazing Libyan food is. I was feeling a bit better after talking to him, and he even said that since I already paid for the tickets and everything, maybe I should think about going back to the venue to see if I could catch a bit of the show. So that's what I did. I went back to the venue by myself, and managed to catch the last 15-20min of my favorite artist doing a filthy Drum and Bass set. I danced my ass off by myself, got another free orange juice (shout out to the bartender!), and got to enjoy some nice high energy aggressive bass music for a little while before finally heading home. All in all, I wasted probably $800 in total given the concert tickets, the Airbnb venue, the Doordashes, gas, and the meals we had. Even though this was all a complete fucking disaster, I have learned an important lesson: I used to be hesitant to go to music shows by myself... now I just don't give a fuck anymore. I'm gonna go to whatever the fuck shows I want, even if it's by myself, and I'm going to dance up a fucking storm. Anyways, apologies for the rant, and I hope all of y'alls endeavors in this insanity bowl are more fruitful than mine. Sorry to say it, but I think I'm gonna stick with escorts for now lol. Thanks for reading my shit show diary entry! [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/s/odojyIgzeC) **Aug 5, 2023** Howdy folks, So I made this post last night, detailing a goofy-ass and somewhat fucked situation that happened. Well some fine folks suggested I make a new post with updates to get insights on next steps, so I'll copy the update here to make it easy for everyone to keep up with. "She finally texted me saying "The least you could have done was let me get my stuff.." I don't know how to respond lol. I tried to help her get her shit that night, but she was basically fuckin' catatonic to anything I had to say, and whatever she did say was borderline nonsensical paranoid racist shit. Whats fucked is that when I grabbed her shit from the Airbnb, I just shoved all her stuff into this ratty-ass pink $3 backpack she had, picked it up, and was welcomed by the unmistakable sound of pill bottles rattling around. I'm wondering "okay, what the fuck am I about to bring into my car exactly?" so I looked in the bag and found some prescription bottles with her name and info on them. I didn't recognize the name of the medicine, but at the same time whatever was in those bottles could've been something else entirely. At this point, I'd like to return her shit to her, but I'm wondering if there is some kind of third-party intermediary that can do the exchange cuz i want fuckin' nothing to do with this chick anymore. Part of me wants to ask her if she even knows what the actual fuck happened last night. If she didn't willingly take drugs and someone indeed tried to drug her, that is legitimately fucked up, scary, and I would sympathize with how fucking insane she was behaving. If, though, she indeed went into the bathroom to get fucked up on some sketch drugs, then I'm sorry but all of my sympathy has evaporated." I'll keep updating this thread as things unfold. Would love to hear y'alls opinions on this. In addition, I reached out to the Airbnb Host, and asked if there was any security footage that I could ask for if the need arises. We had a bit of an exchange and I explained why I had to cancel the booking. At first he was concerned there was a robbery or something at the property, but I (tactfully) tried to explain that the events that lead me to cancel everything occurred at the music venue, nowhere near the Airbnb, and I simply wanted any possible security footage as evidence of my whereabouts and overall timeline. He seemed to understand and be sympathetic, and I let him know the specific times where they'd likely see us/me coming and going from the property. The Uber driver also said he'd be a witness if it came to it, and there was a hotdog lady who the SB and I spoke to before entering the venue, as well as after leaving the venue, and even the hotdog lady commented on how strange the SB was behaving after we left the venue. I think I should have most of my bases covered, and I'm hoping nothing serious arises from this shitfest. [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/s/DpYGC5fNcf) **Aug 6, 2023** Hello again, Back with a conclusion to this shit show, as I finally got back in touch with the SB via text. So I'll post a screenshot of our text exchange, but I should add in some context for some things to make sense. The first message in the screeenshot was sent when the SB first disappeared into the bathroom. I thought it was strange she was asking me where I was because I was sitting in the same place as when she had left for the bathroom. The message I sent around 11:30pm was when I was done packing up all the stuff into my car, and I was just about to leave to go back home, but on the way decided to go back to the venue as I thought about what the Uber driver said about still attending the show since I already paid, and realized I wanted to try and salvage the evening by enjoying some music solo. When I got home, I immediately made my first post, and essentially stayed up all night because I was feeling pretty wired and couldn't relax. I read the various responses and actually reached out to the Airbnb host, the Uber driver, and the concert venue for various things. I asked the Airbnb host for any possible security footage to establish my timeline, the Uber driver as a witness to the SB's behavior as well as my timeline, and for the concert venue I had some advice for them based on my own experiences and suggestions from commenters. First off, the water they had at the venue was whack as fuck. I know it sounds silly, but bear with me. It was lukewarm, and it tasted like bitter ass. I'm a huge sucker for the good quality water we get in my home state, so I thought it was noteworthy how fucking nasty the water was, which is why I defaulted for orange juice lol. Weirdly, this fucked up water is actually one of the reasons the SB kinda freaked out I guess, as you'll see via her texts. In addition, I told them that despite their security, clearly people were bringing in and using drugs, and the fact that they didn't have any kind of EMS type services available nearby was just dumb as fuck. [So with all that out of the way, here's the full text exchange we've had since, spanning a bit of last night and today, with any private info censored, of course.](https://imgur.io/XXj2541?r) **TRANSCRIPT OF MESSAGES** **SB:** Where are you **SD:** Where we were last sitting Right in front of the bathrooms idk what's going on with you, but hope you get somewhere safe tonight. l've canceled everything and I'm going home. I can't believe you made me miss this concert. You have been an immense disappointment. Tell me where to send your crap, and then lose all my contact info. Goodbye **SB:** The least you could have done was let me get my stuff. **SD:** Give me an address and I'll UPS your stuff over. **SB:** You took my things? There's no mail delivery here. **SD:** You told me to grab your stuff and mail it to you, so that's what I tried to do. What exactly happened to you yesterday? You scared the absolute fuck out of me, and you became nearly incomprehensible and wildly erratic. I almost called the Police because I thought you were going to overdose on something. You said some hurtful, accusatory, and racist shit, and it all happened very suddenly. I couldn't sleep last night because I wasn't sure if you'd made it somewhere safe. Just tell me what you want me to do with your stuff. I want this to be done with. **SB:** I don't know, and I'm really sorry. remember I looked up at you and you didn't look like you and it made me feel really unsafe. When you brought me that water it was bitter, so the combination of those things made me think something got slipped in one of my drinks. l've never been as out of it as I was after a few drinks so even now I'm really confused. [Redacted] **SD:** I'm sorry that happened to you and that you felt you were in such a vulnerable position. It truly breaks my heart that this is something that women are forced to deal with, and I hate that this world is so damn dangerous for all of you. I agree that the water was fucked. It turns out it was lemon water, and the lemons weren't exactly ripe. I had a chat with the venue and let them know they need to do a better job of having good water and some kind of EMS tent for people who are in distress. I'm not sure how much you typically drink, but from my count you had two White Claws and two tequila shots. Maybe examine what happened and consider doing things differently in the future. Things could've gone a whole lot worse for the both of us, and I shudder to think how close it came to a disaster scenario. I will ship your stuff to that address. Is there anything in your bag that I need to be concerned about shipping? **SB:** For me that wasn't a crazy amount of alcohol.. but I probably still shouldn't have had that second tequila shot I guess. Again, I'm so sorry and never meant to get out of hand or scare you. There shouldn't be anything you can't ship in my bad Bag* **SD:** Sounds good. I'll let you know when I get it shipped, and I'll send over the tracking number. likely won't be able to ship it out until Monday evening **SB:** Okay thank you **END OF TRANSCRIPT** I'm still not sure she didn't sneak away to do some kind of drugs. Her behavior was just so strange, I just don't know what to make of it. Either way, clearly she knows she fucked up somewhere along the line. Obviously I made my own mistakes as well, but after having talked to friends (both men and women), a Police Officer friend, and an EMT friend, most of them told me I handled things reasonably well given the situation and my overall unfamiliarity with such scenarios. All in all, I appreciate the sympathy, the valid criticisms, and the valuable insights that all of you have shared in your comments. I was clearly in over my head, and need to reevaluate if this whole SD thing is even worth it, given how much apparent fucking effort it is to find a rational sane adult without some immense character deficiency that could lead to criminal or dangerous shit. I know I'm a fuckin' weirdo, but I also know my flavor of weirdness involves going full Gollum mode when I bingewatch the Lord of the Rings Extended Edition in one non-stop sitting. My weirdness keeps me at home doing unrelentingly nerdy shit, and I need to find someone that aligns more with that vibe. Well all this leads me to my final quandary: The address she gave me is a PO Box. I've never shipped anything to a PO Box before, and I'm a little concerned. Don't you have to submit a return address? I don't want to put my own address down, so how exactly should I proceed here? Since I picked her up at her place, should I put in her own address as the return address or something? Would love to hear what y'all think. Thanks for reading. People told me to make new posts rather than editing my original post, so I hope I'm not bothering anyone lol. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

Well tonight was a complete fucking disaster, and a horrible start (and probably end) to Me being an SD

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17cu0tp/well_tonight_was_a_complete_fucking_disaster_and/

17cu1dj

**I am still not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Glittering-Sea-4908](https://www.reddit.com/user/Glittering-Sea-4908/). He posted in [r/offmychest](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/) New update is marked with \*\*\*\*\* At this point it is 7 days old, as per the regulations of this sub. If you've seen it before, it would not have been on this sub. Please read the tags. **Trigger Warning:** >!pancreatic cancer!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad- seriously very sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16n26qg/should_i_tell_my_gf_im_dying_before_i_break_up/)**: September 19, 2023** Basically as title says. I (25m) found out I have an illness that will kill me. It’ll take over my body and there’s no cure. All the doctors can really do is prescribe shit to make you “comfortable” I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and she’s the absolute love of my life. Always loyal and there for me. I’ve been in and out of hospital many times over the course of our relationship. Mostly due to me racing dirt bikes, the most serious incident was a stab wound and I remember how scared and screamy she got even though I just needed stitches and got to go home the next day. This is not something where I can just go home the next day. I’m breaking up with her because she deserves to be happy with someone healthy who can give her the life she wants, and children. I’m scared she’ll want to stay if I tell her what’s going on. Part of me wants to lie and say I cheated so she hates me and leaves. We have lots of mutual friends she’ll find out eventually it was a lie and connect the dots on why I did it. But thinking about her crying from that lie breaks my heart. I don’t even know if this is the right sub to post it on. I just don’t know what to do. Break up with her and tell her it’s for her own good? Lie? Guess I also needed to vent because it just hit me this morning. I found out last week but it just hit. I won’t see 30. Edit: For people asking me what my diagnosis and prognosis is. It’s pancreatic cancer, something like 95% of people diagnosed with it die in about 3 years. I wasn’t even paying attention for not putting that in the post at the beginning, that’s my bad but as you can tell I’m a little overwhelmed these days. Reading this replies there’s no way I can reply to them all so I will do my best to do it here. First off, thank you to those saying kind things. Second, I realize how dumb I was being for wanting to lie to her. I made reservations at her favourite restaurant and I’ll tell her afterwards. Part of me hopes she doesn’t stay but we’ll see what she chooses. ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP's thoughts:* "I’m more scared of her staying rather than leaving. I stayed by my friends side even having to make the decision to unplug him. It’s not a pretty sight watching someone you love deteriorate. I’d prefer her to leave but we’ll see what happens after dinner" *Do you regret your decision to stay by his side?* "I don’t regret it. But I’m not like her. She’s similar to my friends mom. Cried everyday and couldn’t even visit him after the third month. It sucks but it’s true, some people can’t handle hospitals and there’s nothing wrong with that" *Do you have someone to make medical decisions for you?* "I have a Health Care directive in place already. I don’t want anyone to be burdened with those decisions. I know how stressful it can be" *Proposing:* "I’ve thought about marrying her ever since I saw her. It’s cliche and cheesy but I immediately fell in love with her eyes. However, after getting this diagnosis I don’t want to marry her. I can’t let her be a widow this young. I’m already on the hunt for a ring which she’ll receive with a note and a gift from me after I’m done. I don’t want to marry her anymore but she’ll know she’s my one and only forever. Sorry for being cheesy or corny but at this point idc about any of that. I’m dying lol" *Symptoms (for those of you who might want to get tested:)* "Went to the doctors for a checkup because I was losing a weight despite my history of gaining/maintaining my weight. I work out 6 days a week and while I’m no pro athlete I’m by no means out of shape. Doctor blamed it on stress from work (which is true my job is stressful) and said I can follow up with a specialist if I want medication for the stress. Went on with my life best I could but kept losing weight and everyone got worried. Went back to the doctors and they ordered blood work. Got the results which obviously were not good and got sent to a specialist. While everyone thought the stressful job was the true reason, I was getting tested and scanned at the hospital where they (and I) realized I have slight jaundice. They then asked what my crap was like and I thought abt it and told them. Apparently your poop tells you a lot more than just general health. Tests and scans showed I have a growth. Blah blah blah you’re now caught up to where I was told I have cancer and now we’re here." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16ro3zr/update_i_told_my_girlfriend_im_dying/)**: September 25, 2023 (6 days later)** Title: UPDATE: I told my girlfriend I’m dying Took her to dinner at our favourite date spot, had some amazing food and some drinks like always. The date continued like normal we drove down to the beach and started walking till we got to our spot. She spoke first and said that she could tell there’s something I want to say because I have “that look” on my face. She then made a joke about how it’s too soon for us to get engaged so if there’s a ring in my pocket it better say there. This made it so much harder, she thought there was a ring in my pocket when I’m about to tell her there never will be. Absolutely broke my heart. I told her she’s right there’s something I want to say, and I told her everything. From how I found out to what the diagnosis means to the prognosis. I made sure to not sugar coat it or leave anything out. She deserved to know everything. For the next hour it was a mixture of asking me if I’m sure and how could this be possible and crying. She immediately said she’s going to stay by me and I don’t need to worry about anything. I told her she needs to take a few days to think about it. I had already arranged for her best friend to be waiting in the other parking lot to take her to her house. I went home alone. Before anyone calls me names for not driving her home, I didn’t want her to be alone after finding out but I also didn’t want her to see my cry. If she saw me tonight she’d get more scared. It would hit her that I’m terrified and she’d lose her shit. I got an update that she fell asleep because she cried so much. I sent an Uber eats of her favourite dessert to her friends house so it’ll be there when she wakes up. As soon as I’m done typing this I’m meeting up with my 3 closest friends to hangout. I’ve known two of them for 20 years and the other one for 18. Were very close and share too many TMI details. If anyone has suggestions on how to break the news of this to them I’d greatly appreciate it. In the meantime I’ll be drinking for two; me and this bast\*\*d cancer 🥃🥃 **EDIT: Same Post, Next Day** Thank you for the kind words. Couple things to add 1. I’m in Canada so I have free healthcare I’m not worried about the cost of fighting this 2. I still haven’t seen my girl as she’s still at her friends house. She’ll text me to ask how I’m feeling and gets mad when I say I’m fine or make a joke. 3. TELLING OTHERS Couple things you need to know about my friends. Two of them are in medical school and the other in law school. They’re still idiots though. I started off by asking one of them to make a cancer joke, ending it quickly with “too soon man too soon” and that’s how my best friends found out I have cancer. Medical school friends started telling me about new drugs and treatments while my law school buddy demanded to see my medical directives form and that’s also how they found out I’ve been an organ donor for years Parents: Still don’t know Sister: Can’t even pretend to have a clue on how to tell her, I still see her as my baby sister so it’s tough lol Boss: Asked for a one on one this morning and told him my diagnosis. He said he’ll help me abuse the companies benefits as much as I want. I told him all I really want is to show up to work like nothings wrong and no one find out until I pass out at work. He agreed My daily is a 2022 R1 (blue crotch rocket for you non-motorcycle folks). I love that bike and have been asked if I’ll stop riding due to this. Short answer is hell no. I’ve known I had something bad inside of me way before getting cancer, life goes on and so will I. I’ll do my absolute best to keep y’all updated if you’d like. Thanks ***Relevant Comments:*** *About the 'stab' wound he had in the first post:* "Motorcycle accidents happened on track or trails. Getting stabbed was a Tuesday night in the UK lol" *The ones he's told:* "So far I’ve told four people and given them all the choice to walk away with the good memories we’ve had. 3 friends told me to F off and that I can’t get rid of them. Waiting on my girl now lol" **\*\*\*\*\*New Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/177k6yx/she_made_her_decision_but_went_back_on_it/)**: October 14, 2023 (3 weeks from last post)\*\*\*\*\*** **Title:** She made her decision but went back on it For those who don’t know me I’m 25M diagnosed with terminal illness. I gave my girl an out if she wanted it. You can read my posts for a better understanding. Sorry for being MIA, it’s been kind of crazy. My girlfriend made the decision to not stay. She said she doesn’t think she can handle it and doesn’t want me to have to take care of her when it should be the other way around. I said I understand and will always love her. Paraphrasing here but that’s the gist of it. Yesterday she called me and said she’s thought about it and wants to stay… she brought up all the other crap we’ve gotten over and how we always end up stronger. She wants to talk about getting married and kids, while I still can. When I asked what made her change her mind she said she’ll tell me after I answer, no matter what I answer. This made me uncomfortable because she changed her mind. I told her I need time to think but once again I’m back to you lovely people to ask, what the heck do I do? Am I overthinking this? While I’m here I’ll tell y’all what happened with others. Family: Told them while I was at my parents for dinner. I brought my scans and test results and just explained it using facts not feelings. I did this because my parents both hold PhDs and are university professors, I thought they’d accept it easier with evidence rather than feelings. Seeing my sister cry shattered my heart into a million pieces. I just hugged her and said it’ll be okay because now she knows she’ll get my car soon. She laughed a little and for some messed up reason that made everything okay to me. Friends: the 3 dum dums i call my best friends helped me tell some other close friends. They’re being supportive and nice. I told them to cut it out and go back to roasting each other. They listened and were good now. I’ve also told my work besties because they deserve to know. I sucked at answering everyone’s comments and questions last time. I promise to try and do better here. As usual, I’m off to get drunk with dum dum #1 to 3. Cheers bud 🥂🥃

NEW UPDATE: Should I tell my gf I’m dying before I break up with her

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17cu1dj/new_update_should_i_tell_my_gf_im_dying_before_i/

17cugb1

I am the OP of this BoRU post, OOP of original posts is u/throwRA2903745. Posts were made on r/relationship_advice, r/gonewildstories, r/SluttyConfessions, and [OOP's profile page](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA2903745/submitted/). Corrections made to spelling and grammar to improve readability. Due to the character limit, a few posts were omitted. Relatively, **this is a very long post**. Trigger Warnings (PLEASE READ IF SENSITIVE TO VERY ADULT SUBJECTS): >!Pornographic material, incestuous sexual roleplaying, sexual abuse, hypersexual acting out, sex work!< Mood Spoiler: >!Inconclusive ending (both literally and emotionally), sad and tragic story!< &#x200B; [I \[18F\] walked in on my mom \[44F\] teasing my dad \[46M\] while wearing one of my dresses](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vthms8/i_18f_walked_in_on_my_mom_44f_teasing_my_dad_46m/) (Posted Jul 7, 2022 on r/relationship_advice.) I know, it sounds like something out of one of those really bad Netflix movies but it's unfortunately for me true. I was over at a friend's house for most of the day yesterday, and I wasn't supposed to be coming home until later in the evening. This is super common for me right now, my friend has a pool and stuff, so I've been at her house a lot since school ended a few weeks ago. Midafternoon, we decided to go and just drive around, then wanted to go to shopping. I didn't bring my money with me (I keep my savings in cash in this little jar, so I don't spend it so impulsively). We decided to go by my house to grab some cash on the way to the mall. When we got there, my friend waited in the car because I was only going to be a couple of minutes. When I walked into my house though, my parents were on the couch. I don't want to be too overly graphic about what was going on, but my mom was on my dad's lap teasing him, and it was very clear that they were about to have sex. They both froze when they saw me, totally expected because they didn't plan on being interrupted at all. I was frozen too, then after a couple of seconds I realized my mom was literally wearing one of MY FAVOURITE DRESSES. Like I wear it all the time. Not even like it's really revealing or anything, just a normal summer dress. We were all looking at each other in shock for a few seconds before my mom just said, "I'm so sorry, Sweetie." I ran back out of the house and was crying by the time I made it to my friend's car. I started explaining to her what I had just seen, and she was calming me down but then my mother came out of the house after me literally still wearing my dress. I told my friend to drive away before she got to the car, and we went back to her house. We didn't give her parents any details about what happened, just that I had some family drama. I've been friends with her since way back, so they told me I can sleep at their house for a couple of days until I figure things out. I barely slept last night at all, every time I close my eyes it's like I see it in my head. My Mom's called me a bunch of times, but I only texted her back to let her know where I am and told her I need time before I'm ready to talk to them. She replied again apologizing and wants me to come home today to talk to them. I don't think I can do that yet, even typing this out I've started shaking with nerves about it. What do I do now? I've never felt unsafe in my house before at all, but I also don't know if I'm comfortable being around my parents now that I know that they're literally pretending she's me. I'm so grossed out, and I think I want to burn every piece of clothing I've ever owned. EDIT: I really didn't want to write anything erotic about my parents on here, but since it's been suggested that they might not have been about to have sex a couple of times over messages and stuff here goes: The top portion of the dress was pulled down, and they were doing stuff. If they weren't about to have sex, they were at least being sexual. EDIT 2: I am not upset at all that my parents were having sex. It's the fact that they were about to have sex while my mom was wearing one of my favourite dresses. She and I never share clothes, and I've been trying to rationalize this some other way, but I don't see why she would have gone into my room and gotten that dress unless it was for what I interrupted them doing. *Comments from OOP:* \-I think I need to talk to my mom alone first. If she really was pretending to be me, I don't know that I can look my father in the eyes again without therapy. I'm just trying to get to a place where I feel like I could talk to either of them at all. \-I have never once felt weird around my dad or felt that he was looking at me in a sexual way. But I also haven't been specifically on guard for that around my dad. He calls me his gorgeous girl every day, and I've been thinking back over analyzing every interaction we've had that I can think of. &#x200B; [UPDATE: I \[18F\] walked in on my mom \[44F\] teasing my dad \[46M\] while wearing one of my dresses](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vwj3x2/update_i_18f_walked_in_on_my_mom_44f_teasing_my/) (Posted Jul 11, 2022, on r/relationship_advice.) Alright, I promised to give an update on my situation and honestly, I feel like writing about things has been pretty helpful to me, so here goes: Several people on my initial post advised that I should speak with a therapist before seeing or speaking with either of my parents. I called one I had seen a few times in the past, and she was able to book me in for an emergency session, and she really helped me work through what I saw, as well as my worries, and constructing a list of questions to ask my mom when I spoke with her. I met with my mother over the weekend, we met at this park near our house in the afternoon and sat away from everyone. My friend who I'm staying with, and her boyfriend went with me for moral support, but they hung back and let me talk to my mother alone. I'm not going to go through our entire conversation because we talked for over an hour, but it was pretty much what I had feared. She was roleplaying as me when I walked in on her and Dad. She wouldn't confirm how long it had been going on but gave me a list of several pieces of my clothing (3 dresses, then two of my sleep sets) which she had previously borrowed. She claims they were all cleaned thoroughly before returning them, and I have no reason to believe she wouldn't have cleaned them, but I'm never going to wear any of those things again regardless. It was probably stupid of me, but I asked which one of them came up with the idea for her to roleplay as me. According to her, it was her own idea. I still really don't feel comfortable seeing or talking to my dad, and he hasn't reached out since I walked in on them either, so I guess he isn't comfortable talking to me about it either. My Dad was at work when I spoke with her, I made sure of that because I wanted to be able to go by the house and get a few more of my things. She let me go there alone with my friends and get the things I needed, before going back to her place. I'm still working on where I go from here: I ended up having to fully explain the situation to my friend's parents. They were both extremely understanding and are willing to let me rent their spare bedroom for a few months while I figure something else out. I'm working on getting more hours at work too. So yeah, that's pretty much all that's happened. I doubt I'll update beyond this, but I'm sincerely thankful to everybody who reached out and tried to help me. *Comments from OOP:* It was her idea to do it, I don't want to be in the house with either of them. It was my decision to leave, she very much wanted me to come home. *On parents helping financially:* I didn't ask, and they haven't offered. &#x200B; Separately, comments made to an r/AskReddit [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/vy3gb3/whats_a_kink_that_you_think_should_be_shamed/ig0dg1m/?context=8&depth=9). (Posted Jul 13, 2022) \-I know I'm probably gonna end up with daddy issues because of this, I just really fucking hope this isn't how they manifest. >If I may ask - you said it was your mom's idea to dress up as such, do you: > >Feel like your mom was lying? I suspect it. My father still hasn't reached out at all. >Feel like they used more clothes? I got rid of everything I owned that was in anyway revealing and am in the process of purchasing all new stuff because of this fear. >Do you feel more uncomfortable around your father then your mother? I don't know, I haven't been around him since. I suspect though, it would feel the same. >Do you Blame your father more than your mother? I blame them both equally, according to mom they were both participating actively. >Do you feel this was an attempt of your mom to recapture possible youthful feeling? Possibly, it's been suggested by several women in her age-group. Regardless of her initial motivation, I still feel like this was way over the line. &#x200B; [Acting Out](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA2903745/comments/vyt0yp/acting_out/) (Posted Jul 14, 2022, on [OOP's profile page](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA2903745/submitted/).) Always heard it's natural to act out following a major life event. I guess what I did last night would classify. Thankfully, I get to wake up, walk out the door, and leave my mistake behind me. This isn't the sort of thing I want to do all the time, but I don't think a one-night distraction is too damaging long-term. *Comment by OOP:* I don't know why I was being so dramatically cryptic since this is an anonymous account anyway lmao, but I went on tinder and hooked up last night. Not really my style, and I dunno why I even did it looking back. I already deleted the app. &#x200B; \*\*\*Note from OP: I'm including OOP's erotica submissions to a couple of adult subs because her regular posts don't come close to conveying just how much she's acting out sexually. I've used spoiler formatting to censor them and included a TL;DR after each X-rated post to give readers the option of skipping the details.\*\*\* ***\*\*\*Trigger Warning: The following three posts are sexually explicit and were posted to adult subs. If you don't want to read them, skip down to "Yet Another Update\*\*\**** (TL;DR after each post, please forgive the wall of text, it was necessary to give the censoring option) >!I \[18F\] gave head in a parking lot after meeting someone \[M\] at the Toronto Indy race https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/w5dx7v/i\_18f\_gave\_head\_in\_a\_parking\_lot\_after\_meeting/ (Posted Jul 22, 2022, on r/gonewildstories.) I'm not an erotica writer by any stretch, but writing out my experiences helps me process them, and I've never shared anything like this before so I thought it might be interesting. Skip to the second break if you'd like to go right to the dirty bits, the first part is more setting the stage and some flirting. \_ So, I actually know nothing about car racing at all, but I got invited to go with some people to the Toronto Indy race last weekend. I’ll be honest, I was just trying to get out of the house and didn’t really have high expectations for it, but the race was actually surprisingly exciting to watch!! \_ Throughout the race, there was this guy in our group who kept explaining to me what was going on. The rules of racing, basically. Pointing out which cars were which drivers, stuff like that. We’ll call him Kevin. He was in his mid to late twenties (Dunno his actual age.), about 6’2”ish, short curly brown hair, and these really intense green eyes. Clean shaven, with full lips and a big smile. \_ For reference, I’m 5’5”, blonde hair down to my mid-back, blue eyes. My friends have jokingly called me Great Value Sydney Sweeney, so go with that for visuals. I’m a bit thicker than her though, with smaller boobs and a larger booty. \_ For most of the day, things were completely PG between us, but towards the end of the race, there was a point where the crowd all stood up, and I couldn’t see for like 30 seconds. During that time, he just stepped behind me, grabbed my waist, and lifted me up a few inches so I could see over the two people standing in front of us. But he was really cute, and had been sweet to me all day, so it kind of woke me up a little bit… sexually. \_ When we sat back down, I decided to push things a little bit and lean into him despite the heat. He didn’t say anything, or even move for what felt like a couple of minutes, but then he slid his arm around me lightly. Dumb, but I got this stupid little grin on my face knowing he was at least somewhat into me too. Neither of us pressed anything further until we were walking back to Union Station because we had used the GO to get downtown. We stopped at a crosswalk, and he stood behind me with his hands on my waist again, tipping me back a little bit so I was leaning against his chest. We had been passing a weed pen around as we walked, and my body was kind of buzzing, so I stepped back even further and pressed completely against his chest. I felt him squeeze me a little bit, and I took that as a signal that it was on. \_ I sat on his lap when we got on the train, and I swear this boy was hard the whole way back to our station. He offered to drive me back to my friend's place where I’m staying, which I immediately accepted. She definitely knew what was going on, because she wasn’t completely pleased with my decision, but she let me go anyway. \_ When we got to his car, he awkwardly told me he would have to stop for condoms if we were going to do anything, but I told him that was fine because I didn’t want to go that far just yet. We talked, and drove around for a little bit, and he was rubbing my thigh as he drove which felt amazing. \_ I decided that I had kept him waiting long enough, so I reached over and started playing with his cock while he drove. I told him to go to the park near my friend’s place, and I just slowly stroked him the whole way there. He kept making all these little faces as he tried to focus on the road, then his grin at me whenever we stopped made me blush so hard. \_ He parked facing a group of trees, and there wasn’t really anyone around, so I leaned over right there and started sucking his cock. I had been teasing him the whole drive, so I just took him into my mouth and started bobbing my head over his full length. (I guess around 5 inches? Nothing Porn star level, but very manageable for my slightly inexperienced self.) He pushed his hand underneath the skirt I was wearing and into my panties. I had probably soaked through them about halfway through the train ride, and I think he liked that because he called me a dirty little thing when he felt it. \_ He started playing with my clit pretty aggressively, causing me to moan over his cock. Then I think the intensity of the whole situation caught up to him because with no warning other than “I’m go-” he came in my mouth. It surprised me, and I did not manage to swallow all of it, but I licked the rest off of him before sitting back on the passenger seat, all the while, his fingers kept teasing me in my panties. \_ I can’t usually cum from fingering alone, and he offered to eat me out, but I didn’t want him to for some reason? I usually love oral, so no explanation for that. I just fixed myself up a little bit and walked to my friend’s house. He’s DMing me daily but I honestly don’t think I’m interested in him beyond this one spontaneous thing. \_ It was really hot though; I’ve gotten myself off to it several times since.\~ !< TL;DR - OOP has an impulsive and intense sexual encounter with a man approx 10 years older than her that she just met at an Indy race, demonstrating both in the encounter and in her retelling of it that her hypersexuality is becoming more of a problem. &#x200B; >!I made myself cum in the park last night! https://www.reddit.com/r/SluttyConfessions/comments/wfdufh/i\_made\_myself\_cum\_in\_the\_park\_last\_night/(Posted Aug 3, 2022, on r/sluttyconfessions.) Alright so I posted here yesterday about how I've been going around wearing sundresses without panties on. Well, I ended up chatting with this really hot couple from the UK (HI GUYS!!) and they talked me into getting a teensy bit bolder with my exploits. \_ Last night, around 1 in the morning I went to this park that isn't too far from where I'm staying right now, and I took my little vibe with me! I didn't have the courage to sit on a bench where someone might actually walk by, but there's this really big tree with bushes around it that I went to hide behind. \_ I was dripping already when I pulled up my dress just because of how hot the entire thing was, once I started playing, it did not take me long at all to cum! Then I just stood there for a few minutes, legs shaking, shocked with myself before going back to the house.!< TL;DR - OOP is talked into getting bolder with her sexuality by a "really hot couple from the UK". She pleasures herself in a technically public but mostly hidden place in a park at night, with plans to do it again during the day. &#x200B; >!I've mostly stopped wearing panties with my sundresses https://www.reddit.com/r/SluttyConfessions/comments/wengb9/ive\_mostly\_stopped\_wearing\_panties\_with\_my/ Kind of a mild confession by the standards of this sub, probably. But over the past week or so, I've mostly stopped wearing panties underneath my sundresses. Most of them are about my mid-thigh. It's been a really freeing feeling, honestly! There have been a couple of times where I've shown off a bit more than anticipated thanks to a breeze, and that has been so hot. Anyway, that's my small slutty confession.!< TL;DR - OOP has begun getting a thrill out of wearing no underwear with sundresses. [Yet Another Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA2903745/comments/wm22xx/yet_another_update/) (Posted Aug 11, 2022) So, my story ended up shared on YouTube by some relatively big channels, and I've gotten a bunch of messages asking if my situation has improved, and for me to provide another update. I didn't know if I was going to keep posting here after sharing some of the more explicit things I've done since moving out of the house, but honestly, I don't see the harm in it, and sometimes the messages I get are really sweet so here goes: I suppose things have gotten both better, and a bit worse for me since the last time I updated. I checked back, and the last time I posted an official "update" was almost three weeks ago, but I swear it feels like it's been months. I can't sleep really well, because I just have nightmares about walking in on my parents RPing as me, and I'm tired all the time. I've been working with my therapist through this, and she's gotten me on to some relaxation techniques that help. (ASMR is a surprisingly effective tool!) As far as my living situation goes, I'll be moving into my own bedroom in an apartment with two of my co-workers at the beginning of September. Their roommate is moving out, and they were able to give me a good price on rent (Think they took pity on me a little bit, since they're both a bit older). Living with my friend isn't working out the best. I mentioned in one of the other updates that her dad was pretty clearly eye-fucking me whenever he was around. He's pushed things a decent bit further since, and started getting grabby with me when he can get me alone. I've developed this really bad like, hypersexuality thing for some reason since all the shit happened with my parents (Yes, I am in therapy. Yes, I am working on it.), but as a result of that for some reason I do absolutely nothing to stop him when he grabs at me. It's fucking sick, but I know on some level, I like the attention. I've been avoiding being around the house as much as possible, because I know in the back of my head, I'm just not going to say no to him. September can't come fast enough in that regard. Work's been giving me plenty of extra hours, and I've been saving as much money as possible while also slowly buying myself a few pieces of clothes. I've got a plan to get myself back up to a somewhat full wardrobe by Christmas or so. Sorry these posts have become so dirty. I mean I know the first relationship advice post wasn't exactly a Disney movie, but I know it's gotten substantially more explicit since. To the people still trying to give advice, and offer their fresh perspective: Thank you, I've actually been given some really good advice from random people on the internet. &#x200B; \*\*\*The following post contains graphic sexual scenes\*\*\* (TL;DR below, please forgive the wall of text, it was necessary to give the censoring option) >!Bad Update https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA2903745/comments/wqw7t0/bad\_update/(Posted Aug 17, 2022 to OOP's profile page.) TW \[from OOP herself\]: This post contains questionable power dynamics, and infidelity.---------- Every single time I post something on this account, I tell myself it's going to be the last post. That I'm not going to have a reason to post on here, or I'll wake up from my bad dream, or whatever. It hasn't happened yet. Aside from my therapist, I don't have anyone I can discuss my situation with. Random strangers on the internet have been an outlet for me. Messy, but cleaner than dumping all of this on anyone I actually know. \_ I'm sure you can all tell where this is headed, given the title and the trigger warning at the top. Her Dad fucked me. He found out that I'm moving out of their house at the end of the month and took the first opportunity he had to push things further than he had been going before. \_ Where I live, employers are required to give two days off in a row each week. I've been taking extra shifts where I can, but corporate are cracking down on that right now despite the fact that we've been understaffed and there weren't any available for me to take. The second day of that was two days ago. I spent most of the morning with my friend, but she had this family thing to go to with her mom and Grandmother so I was by myself after that. I mentioned in my last post, I've been avoiding him when I'm able to find another place to be, and during the day I go for a lot of walks and stuff, but I can't be out of the house all the time, and I hadn't figured out what I was going to go do yet. \_ About a half an hour. Just 30 minutes. That's how long it took for him to decide he wanted to come tease me again. I was in their den area playing with their two cats when he came downstairs. I knew immediately what he had in mind because he just had that look about him. His standard "move" is coming up behind me and grabbing my ass before reaching around to my chest. I guess he had made his decision to go further when he came down because he skipped that entirely, and just pulled my shirt off and started playing with my nipples. I was moaning pretty quickly, and I could feel him hard pressing into my back too. He told me that he was "Sad to hear" that I'm not going to be around the house much longer. He told me that I'm fun, and that he likes having me there. Fucking of course he does; I feel so bad for his wife. \_ He pushed his hand into the leggings I was wearing and started playing with my clit while kissing the back of my neck. That was the point where I went from deer in the headlights to active participant. I couldn't make myself say no. The whole thing turned me on, and at the time, I didn't fucking care about anything else. \_ I reached back and gave him a handjob for a few minutes, but I lost focus towards the end of it because he made me cum on his fingers twice. It was just the heat of the situation doing it to me, I've thought back and it's not like he did anything special otherwise. From there, he led me to their bedroom upstairs, and fucked me on him and his wife's bed. My friend and her mom were gone until the evening. He and I spent pretty much the entire afternoon having sex. What's weird about the whole thing, is he's actually really sweet? Like he's nice to me, and other than the groping, he asks for consent before he does anything to me. The big problem is I fucking kept giving him consent. Every time he asked to switch positions, or move to one of the other rooms, I was SCREAMING at myself mentally to turn him down. Say no, and leave. But every time, I find myself nodding with a smile, making eyes at him, and letting him to whatever he wants to me. My brain just loves making me into a human toy, I guess. \_ It didn't end when they came home either. It's like the game is on or something for both of us. Whenever we can find time alone, we're all over each other, it's horrible. I went into his office last night when he was working and blew him while she was sitting downstairs watching TV. She's given me no reason to hurt her. In fact, his wife is one of the nicest people I've met and so supportive of me. None of that stopped me though. I went anyway, because I was horny, and he was there. He ate me on the desk afterwards, and I had to cum looking at the pictures of their family on the wall across the room. \_ No idea what I'm going to do with my life moving forward, or how I'm going to handle this situation. I'm sure I've thoroughly nuked my life, it's just a matter of time when it all goes off. \_ If you actually read all this, and you're not completely disgusted with my existence as a human being then I thank you for your consideration. I know I'm not making it easy to view me as anything but a problem at this point. Thanks for listening to me vent.!< TL;DR - OOP's friend's father previously began groping her when he has the opportunity. When he discovers that she will soon be moving out and he has an entire afternoon alone with her in the house, he takes advantage of OOP freezing up and rapes her, however OOP seemingly turns into a willing participant. She even seeks him out for sex at one point and he takes advantage of her at every opportunity. She knows it's wrong but compulsively cannot stop herself. In her mind she is "screaming" at herself to stop, but "My brain just loves making me into a human toy, I guess." [I got evidence](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA2903745/comments/wruycs/i_got_evidence/) (Posted Aug 18, 2022, on [OOP's profile page.](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA2903745/submitted/)) I mentioned in a comment that I found somewhere else to stay last night as a way of removing myself from the situation with my friend's dad. I was able to find somewhere else to crash over the weekend, so I won't be going back there, at least not immediately. I got the evidence I need to tell his wife what's gone on though. He actually thought it would be a good idea to text me. Probably thinks nothing will come of it because I was so willing when we had sex. Currently working on a plan for getting the rest of my things from that house and telling her what happened. I know she's going to hate me. My friend is going to hate me. But it needs to be done, and I'm gonna. *Comments by OOP:* \-Dad hasn't reached out to speak with me at all. -I don't know that I'd want to talk to him if he had. I'm not quite there yet. I have questions, but I don't know that I'm prepared to hear the answers. [Accountability](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA2903745/comments/wsf9jn/accountability/) (Posted Aug 19, 2022, on [OOP's profile page](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA2903745/submitted/).) Alright, so I'm going to try to hold myself to account as best I can here. My friend's dad reached out to me via text late last night, as I mentioned before, and with the advice of some Redditors, I sexted with him just enough to get incriminating screenshots, and then told him I was going to bed. I'm back at my friend's house now (He isn't home.), I told her I stayed with a friend, and she didn't really question it much. I really don't have much here at all, so I've got it all packed up and I'm going to get it out of the house before I tell her what happened. (I'm going to let her tell her mother or give her the option to be there when I do. Her Mom knows me, but I feel like it might be better coming from someone who hasn't fucked her husband.) My roommates-to-be from work got back to me already too. They told their other roommate enough about my situation that she's fine with me crashing on the couch for the rest of the month, and stacking my stuff in the basement until she moves out. I am so fucking lucky to have people who were willing to give me a place so quick. I haven't slept almost at all; I've just been awake thinking about everything. Think I got a couple of hours, but I'm mostly surviving on coffee right now haha. Now I want to talk a little bit about my own guilt regarding what happened. I do think I was pressured into the situation, but I don't think that absolves me of all responsibility like some people have suggested. Once it started, I was an enthusiastic participant, and I went back for more eagerly. Even sexting with him last night was kind of hot for me. It's fucked up, but that's where I'm at right now mentally. I'll make a Tinder at some point to try to find something ongoing, and stable, and not completely destructive. This whole thing terrifies me now, because my friend and her family are the ones who have been keeping this secret from people I know socially. Pretty good chance now, that all my friends are going to find out the whole story now. I think I could live with just being slut shamed, but people knowing the whole thing seems scarier. Honestly, it's a good argument for me stopping these posts, but I dunno. I feel connected to writing it out somehow? It helps me work through things mentally in a way I don't think journaling alone would do. Your guy's input has been so fucking helpful, you have no idea. Even the people giving me shit, it really helps. Anyway, that's what's going through my brain today... I guess this is my shitty life journal now. [Probably my final update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA2903745/comments/x04byo/probably_my_final_update/) (Posted Aug 28, 2022, on OOP's profile page.) Hi, so my situation is calmed down a little bit now. I've been crashing on the couch of my new apartment this past week, and honestly things have been pretty good! I'm putting that right at the top, so if all you're looking for is to know that I'm safe, and I think that I'm going to be okay, you have it here. Stuff still got kinda messy as I was leaving my friend's house, I've definitely burned bridges there, but there's nothing I can do about that now. I still ended up sleeping in my friend's house for a couple more days after deciding I was going to figure out a way to tell her and/or her mom about what had happened between her me and her dad. It was two nights, and he found an excuse to fuck me the second one. It wasn't sweet, or even caring. It just felt mechanical at that point. He came to my bedroom, flipped me over, took me on the bed, and I didn't do a single thing to stop it. I never asked him not to, I was still entirely frozen. I'm disgusted with myself. He left immediately after because his wife was in their room, I cried a lot and started writing a letter to my friend and her mom. I talked with my therapist about EVERYTHING. We've gone over everything during two sessions, and I'm in a lot better mental state now as far as knowing I'm not necessarily a horrible person for not being able to turn down someone who had power over me. My therapist didn't think it was a good idea for me to tell my friend what happened though. That should be left up to her parents to inform her, so my letter ended up just being to her mom. I'm not going to put the text of it on here, because it gives a lot of details that I haven't gone into specifics about, but I gave her the letter on Thursday. I just went over when I knew she'd be around and told her that I needed to talk to her. I sat there while she read the letter I wrote, shaking the whole time. I just wanted to get up and run. My therapist told me her reaction might not be what I expected it to me, and she was correct there. She didn't cry, she didn't yell, she just asked me to show her the text messages on my phone. I don't think she really believed me until then because after she saw the messages, she called me a fucking whore and told me to never come back to her house or around her family. I don't think she's told my friend anything, because she's still reaching out to make sure that I'm alright after moving out of her place and not really telling her what was going on with me. I'm completely blowing her off, it feels fake to maintain a friendship with her now given what's happened. But I also don't know if that's cruel of me, and I should give her an explanation of some sort. As far as the stuff with my parents goes, they literally haven't said a single thing to me since I told my mom to stay away. I kind of expected something, but they are respecting my request by not reaching out. I think that's everything I have to update people on... Living with a bunch of other adults is kinda weird, I'm not used to cooking for myself on a nightly basis. It's an adjustment but I'll get there. Thank you everyone for your help since I posted my original situation. *Final comment by OOP on the situation she landed in at her friend's house:* I don't think something profound needs to be said. It's a shitty situation and I'm glad that it's finally ending. This has been the longest few weeks of my life. &#x200B; ***\*\*\*Trigger Warning: This las post is not pornographic but does depict nudity and was posted to an adult sub\*\*\**** (TL;DR below, please forgive the wall of text, it was necessary to give the censoring option) >!I've been working as a topless maid for extra cash https://www.reddit.com/r/SluttyConfessions/comments/xybudx/ive\_been\_working\_as\_a\_topless\_maid\_for\_extra\_cash/ (Posted Oct 7, 2022, on r/sluttyconfessions.) I've done three appointments so far; they all pay really well. It's cleaning nice condos for people. The guys just sit there and watch. There's no touching or anything, but I do make a show of cleaning the area immediately around them. I was surprised to learn it's actual cleaning work through lol. I did someone's kitchen last week, and the oven was a pain.!< TL;DR - OOP has entered the world of "mild" sex work by getting a job as a topless maid. Although it pays well, it still hard wok as she is still expected to actually clean. \*\*\*Reminder that I did not write the OOP and I did not write these posts.\*\*\*

I [18F] walked in on my mom [44F] teasing my dad [46M] while (she was) wearing one of my dresses -- OOP flees home but ends up in the hands of a predator (long post)

NEW UPDATE

G1Gestalt

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17cugb1/i_18f_walked_in_on_my_mom_44f_teasing_my_dad_46m/

17cxcp6

This is a New Update on a story previously shared here. Originally posted by u/throwway_wifeismyhs in r/tifu on Feb 18, '23, updated March 2, '23. New Update on Oct 11, '23 is marked with 🔴🔴🔴 Trigger Warning: >!Accidental incest, mentions of organ transplant, health issues, adoption!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/115szqx/tifu_by_getting_getting_tested_to_donate_a_kidney/) TIFU By getting getting tested to donate a kidney to my wife. I decided to get tested to see if I could donate my kidney to my wife of 6 years. We have two kids together (4f,2m). My wife got sick just after our son was born and now is in need of a kidney transplant. We checked with her relatives and none were a match or a viable doner. Last week I got tested. I knew it would be a long shot so I decided to get tested to see if I could donate. I got a call the other day saying that I was a match. The doctor then said something about wanting to do additional testing due to some information from the HLA tissue test results. I didn't think much of it and agreed. Then the results came in I was shocked and confused. He explained that because of how DNA information is passed down through generations a parent to a child could have at least a 50% match. Siblings could have a 0-100% match. It was rare to have a high match as husband and wife. I asked what does that mean. He said that my wife and I have an "abnormally high match percentage." Long story short were related. No I'm not kidding. I was put up for adoption before I was born. Placed into a family that moved across the country. I knew I was adopted but we didn't have any I formation about my bio family. It was a closed adoption. I met my wife by chance 8 years ago. I was on a trip from work and she was working at the sight I went to. We worked together for a week. We exchanged numbers kept in touch. I was sent back there 3 more times that year and each time we became closer. I was given the opertunity to be transferred out there in a new higher paying position in a different department as hers the rest is history. I don't know what do do moving forward but I know it may be wrong. She is my wife and the mother of our kids. This post is probably going to get removed but it is all true. TL;DR: Wife of 6 years needs a kidney I got tested and we have an abnormally high match percentage for being husband and wife. Edit: look at name. All of my family is from my adopted parents. My parents adopted me 2 minutes after I was born. Their name is on my Birth certificate. They have not told me anything about my bio parents and don't have any info. Her family is not a match as stated above most of her family has low match potential or can't donate due to medical or other reasons. I am 2 years older than my wife. I do know that my wife was born when her parents were late teens. &nbsp; [Update 2 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/11fzxgz/tifu_update_by_getting_tested_to_donate_a_kidney/) This is an update. The original was posted about 2 weeks ago. Yes I know I misspelled across. Yes, I do have bad grammar and spelling. Yes, I am stressed and freaking out. Yes, I can play the banjo. No there was no genetic test when we got married. Our state stopped that in the 1990s. No, my wife has never been stuck in the dryer but, she once got stuck under the bed....(joke) The reason I did not go in too much detail is to try to not be so specific that I or my wife might be recognized. Well, the front page of Reddit didn't help with that. Thank you all for your comments and feedback. I didn't respond to them but I did read all of them. The reason her family couldn't donate was that close relatives had some medical issues that prevent them from donating. Examples: high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, heavy drinkers, and more. The further out we tested the less percent of a match. I wanted to be tested because we needed to find someone. The doctor said it would be unlikely but wouldn't hurt to try. I was freaking out after I got the news and had to get outside advice. When the doc said that the percentage was abnormally high and that we might be related I kind of zoned out and started to piece things together in my mind. My parents live a thousand miles away. They met my inlaws a few times. Once at my wedding and when both my children were born. My children are fine. My daughter is incredibly smart for her age. My son is a handful and healthy. The way my adoption worked was when my bio mom gave birth to me I was checked out and put in a different room(I was there but don't know how it officially worked). From what My parents explained they were in that room waiting. They never met my bio mom in person. My bio mom only had a profile and picked them out of many candidates. I called my parents and told them that I needed to know everything they knew about my bio mom. They told me that they had limited knowledge. They said she was a single mom that was 16 years old. The father was not in the picture. Also, I was born in a hospital one hour from where my wife was born. Like I said limited knowledge. Growing up I didn't want to find out about my bio parents. To me, my parents were always my parents. I knew I was adopted and that it was a closed adoption. I figure it wouldn't matter long term. I'm not going to do an additional at-home DNA test through any of the traditional testing sights like 23 or ancestry due to personal reasons. Like the possibility of the family finding out. The doc said all of this to only me, not with my wife present. Some of the additional tests were done through the doctor which was the cM test? (I'm not an expert on DNA testing) they said it was like a 1900+ cM match. This basically confirms one of my bio parents is one of hers. (it can also mean first cousins or aunt/uncle) I'm guessing her dad. (when my kids were born my parents brought photos of me as a baby and commented that I and my son looked a lot like my wife's dad). My son was easily explainable. But all 3 of us are a different story. I'm not going to bring this up ever. I might look at my FIL differently but nothing will hopefully change. I hope none of the family goes on Reddit and connects the dots. I am donating my kidney to my wife. We have started the full process. That takes time and a lot of preparation. I plan on talking to my wife after the surgery and after recovery. We will decide what to do with our kids. If we are going to get them tested or ever tell them. I will not be leaving my wife. I love and will always be there for her. I made vows and I will keep them. I love her more than I would a half-sister. TL;DR I'm donating my kidney to my wife who is most possibly my paternal half-sister. ETA I do plan on telling her after the surgery. She is not doing well and I think this will be even harder in her. I would rather her know that I love her as a husband rather than flip her world upside down right before life-changing and dangerous surgery. If something were to happen. Telling our kids is not a decision I'm going to make on my own it will be a joint thing after my wife knows. &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 [New Update part 1](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwway_wifeismyHS/comments/175yfx8/my_wife_is_probably_my_halfsister_pt1/) Oct 11, '23 **My wife is probably my Half-Sister. Pt.1** Again, English is my first language, I'm just bad at it. People still think this is fake, and that is okay. It is my life, not yours. In the long-term, it only affects my life, not yours. Okay, first, my wife and I did go through with the transplant. We both are recovering/ have recovered well now. My wife is the healthiest she has been since just after our son was born. My profile has all the other posts. But since I posted this on my profile you most likely are up to date. I have tried to write this update about a gazillion times. Hopefully, I can finish this one and not miss anything and try to give details in order. This will probably be my only update. Thanks to the people who reached out and shared your personal experiences and advice(with the transplant). It helped. So I kept to my original plan. I did not tell my wife about the possibility of us being related until after the surgery. Before the surgery, my parents came into town as soon as they could. It really helps having a big family support system like we have. The days leading up to the surgery seemed like there just wasn't enough time in the day for everything. With 900 Dr appointments, getting things prepared for worse case scenarios, researching, setting up my parents (and other family) in our house to watch our kids, and just spending time together as a family. The doctors were fantastic and laid everything out in a professional but relatable fashion. They answered all the questions and concerns we had leading up to, during, and post-op (there were a ton of questions). It was one of the best feelings seeing my wife hopeful for the first time in a long time. I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I took that away from her. In the days leading up, I decided I was going to write a letter to my wife if things went bad for me (but she survived). I wrote her 6 pages (I have small handwriting). In it, I told her how much I loved her. How much she changed me from the moment we met. How she was my universe. But also how sorry I was for keeping a secret from her and lying to her. Went in to details of what I found out over the last week. How we might be related and all the evidence. I gave it to my parents to give to her if something were to happen to me. But if we both didn't make it, then to read it with my in law's. I also made other letters. The surgery went well for both of us. They said my organ(s) look "mighty fine." The transplant worked out rather quickly for my wife, and her body accepted it. I ended up scratching my eye pretty bad, and they put an eye patch on me. So when I saw my wife for the first time, her first words to me were, "The doctors knew we were here for the kidney, right?" Recovery over all sucks. There was virtually no position that was comfortable. (Shout out to the person(s) who recommended sleeping in a recliner, using stuffed animals my kids picked out as comfortable pillows, and more). I felt like a baby because my wife never complained and was healing well and taking it easy. Me on the other hand, am not so smart and decided I should go against Dr's orders and did not take it easy and ended up having to go to the ER and have a secondary surgery to repair damages I caused. Please listen to your medical professionals. &nbsp; [New update part 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwway_wifeismyHS/comments/175ygxi/my_wife_is_probably_my_halfsister_part_2/) Oct 11, '23 **My wife is probably my Half-Sister part 2** Now on to what yall really care about. During recovery, my wife got into tiktok/reddit. Well, after a time, she found a little post that made it WAY BIGGER than I ever intended. Looking back, I should have been more careful. Thanks for all the interaction and thanks to the ladies at twohottakes. My wife loves you guys. During this time, she started to ask more in-depth questions about my adoption (my parents were still at the house at this point). Parents answered all questions. My wife used the excuse of wanting to put a memory book together for our kids and wanted to include a family history of us growing up and including our parents who raised us. She knew most of this info but wanted more details. She asked her dad about more details of his childhood, how he met my MIL, if my MIL was his first relationship. She knew some, but I was learning a lot. Also reminder my wife was born when her parents were older teens. Im older than her. He said no MIL was not his first relationship. We ended up pulling out his old year books of his from high school, and he showed us the girl who was his first real relationship. I knew she was (probably) my bio mom. I could see features that I have in her. He told us fond memories he had of her. He said their relationship ended because of her parents, and he never saw her again. He tried finding out what happened to her but couldn't (before the internet). Shortly after that, he asked out my MIL, and here we are. (We got my FIL side, then my MIL said, "Now let me tell you how it really happened." Proceeded to tell us a different story that was more believable) Nothing about all of this was a red flag indicating that my wife knew my secret. But after that visit, I felt extremely guilty. She was healthier than she had been in years. Out of the major danger zone. So I had no real excuse not to tell her anymore. It took me 2 additional weeks to finally tell her. She noticed I was acting off and finally asked me if I was okay. I said I needed to talk to her about something serious, possibly life altering, and potentially a relationship ending topic. But, that I love her and will do absolutely everything she decided from that point forward. She told me that was not a good start to a conversation and asked if I wanted to try again. So I gave her the letter I had written before the surgery. She went from curious-happy-crying- intense concentration-unreadable. In my head, I basically handed her divorce papers, and I would never see her or my kids again. Our life that we have built just got nuked (i'm dramatic in my head). When I get nervous, I pace back and forth. When she finished reading it, she took a moment then came over to me, stopped me from pacing. Said to look at her, smile with a genuine smile, and said "you are the dumbest, smart person I know." Then kissed me. This started a long conversation. She came across my first post (after the surgery) and found it oddly specific to our situation. Even though I changed some facts and circumstances. She connected the dots. This started her trying to find out if it was true, if I would eventually tell her or continue to her lie/hide it from her. She reassured me that it changed nothing in our relationship. She is my wife. I am her husband. She will always have a piece of me with her at all times. She said (like a bunch if comments) that she doesn't view it as wrong because we did not grow up together, we didn't know, and it is a bit too late to back out now. We decided to have our kids do genetic testing when they are more age appropriate. Mainly for the unknown from me being adopted. We are not (for now/possibly ever) telling anyone. We also looked up who we (now) suspect is my bio mom. What we found was that she ended up passing a few years ago due to drunk driver (don't drink and drive), but I possibly have 2 other half sisters. So, I have dating options down the road if needed. (Wife hit me when I told her this). Kids are doing really well. All they know is that mommy is doing better and enjoying spending more time with her and the extra energy/playfulness that she hasn't had in a while. They are doing really well. So, all in all. The best case scenario happened. The only things I would change is if the doctors tell you to take it easy and give you proper medical advice. Follow it. Also, if you are keeping a secret from your wife/SO. Don't. They probably know already and is just letting you keep digging the hole deeper. My wife and I are doing really well. We are probably the closest we have been in a long time. I asked her to marry me again. She said she would think about it. Paused for like 5 long seconds, and of course, yes, I will marry you. I'm not as afraid as I was about family finding or seeing this post. I now have a goddess like force to have my back if I/we ever get questioned. We have made contingency plans. Like I said, I probably won't update again. I thank you all! &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

TIFU By getting getting tested to donate a kidney to my wife- New Update

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17cxcp6/tifu_by_getting_getting_tested_to_donate_a_kidney/

17cxswh

This is a New Update on a story previously shared here. Originally posted by u/trickortreat_ta in r/AmItheAsshole on Nov 2, '22, updated Feb 4, '23. New Update on March 7, '23 will be after 🔴🔴🔴 Trigger Warning: >!Very brief mention of miscarriage!< &nbsp; [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yk6gn2/aita_for_choosing_my_budget_over_my_boyfriend/) Nov 2, '22 &nbsp; **AITA for choosing my budget over my boyfriend this Halloween?** I need some perspective here, this whole thing is so out of control I (28/f) own my house and my bf (29/m) moved in January. We had a ton of early money arguments and agreed that we would keep to a household budget. Also, he agreed to pay down his credit card debt. I have more flexibility in my personal spending than he does. Early after we moved in, my bf told me that as a kid he always wanted to live in one of the houses that were totally decorated for trick or treat and handed out full size candy. Here's where I messed up. I took this as a comment and not a plan. When the end of September came, we went to the halloween store, and he was under the impression we had savings for this. I didn't know. We go over the monthly budget together, and it was never listed. When he found out that there was no halloween savings, we had an argument. Afterwards I talked to friends who all said he had talked about trick or treat extensively and how much it meant. I chalked this one up to a misunderstanding on my part. So I came up with $500 my money, and went to him with an apology. He decided to buy one big piece, an animatronic clown and some lights. It burned through the $500, plus he put a little on his own credit card. He wanted another big piece and was mad I wouldn't put it on my credit card. I asked if he wanted to put up handmade decorations or spider webs but he said it would look cheap. A few weeks later, we had a fight over candy. He was still stuck on buying full size bars. We easily get over 250 trick or treaters and I said we just don't have that much money. So we got the bulk bags of good small bars. I also had these little coloring books for the allergy and diabetes kids. Jump forward to Halloween. Early kids show up and he is letting them grab handfuls. I remind him we have a ton of trick or treaters coming, and he got really annoyed. I had ordered a pizza for us. So I get it and go inside for about 10 minutes. By the time I came back out, the trick or treat bowls were empty. He had been dumping a third of a bowl in each kids bag and had given out all the coloring books to whatever kids came along. He told me that I'd have to go run out and buy more candy on my credit card. I said I wasn't going to do that, and it wasn't my fault he just handed out 20 pounds of candy. He started yelling right there in front of the kids, and I told him to come inside. He responded that he wasn't stopping trick or treating even if there was no candy. I told him to have fun with the clown, and went inside. He came in 15 minutes later. Then he demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head. He argued it was fair because I had already eaten and it was my fault that trick or treat was ruined bc I'm cheap. I handed the rest of the pizza at him and refused He left and went to a friend's house and I guess they spent the rest of the night drinking, handing out trick or treat candy and texting me how awful and cheap I am. AITA? &nbsp; *In the comments:* A lot of the debt is understandable. He spent part of his childhood in foster care, and his parents kicked him out when was 18 with nothing really. He went into debt early to pay for his basic needs, never really learned how to have financial literacy. Only when I pointed it out did he start to pay more than the minimum on his debts and start to work his way out of it. He had a REALLY toxic childhood, and this is his first real stable situation. Apparently, trick or treat was the time he sort of got to see clean and stable homes, and he got more to eat out of that candy than he did at home. Having this big display and to do was a sign for him that someone had made it. I really didn't understand how much it meant to him, but his friends are on me about it. >Why are you with this guy? Does he pay anything resembling rent? Has he ever shown any signs of financial responsibility? OP: He makes me laugh. And yeah, after we sort of had a drag out fight over finances early on, he has paid his half into the household fund every month. (Budget covering everything that is communal, mortgage, utilities, etc). I have my own money and he has his, we earn similar but because he is working on debt he ends up having less personal money than I do. After we had an argument first month, I set up a monthly house budget that just covers communal things, and he has been contributing his half to it since, so half mortgage, utilities, etc. Because so much of his money is going to debt, I have more flexible personal budget, and I put money into savings. But yeah, financially he pulls his weight and he spent the summer being compulsive about having a perfect lawn, so it's not like he is useless around the house. *About the candy:* In my town if you have non candy options you can put a sign on your mailbox, so that families with kids who might have issues with candy know its safe to stop there. Literally doing what is asked by those families, and I don't ask why they aren't taking candy. It's just there when they ask for something else &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/10tp70y/three_months_ago_basically_the_whole_internet/) Feb 4, '23 *3 months later in r/justnoso* &nbsp; Three months ago basically the whole internet told me to break up with my boyfriend. Two days ago, I finally ended it. I posted in AITA in early November about something that happened with my boyfriend. He had spent a ton of money on Halloween decorations and blamed me for ruining trick or treat. I wasn't sure where to post an update, so here I am. Everyone, and I do mean everyone online, basically said I was in the right and said some truly dire things about my relationship. I won't lie, there was so much anger towards him, I sort of shut down. When I started getting requests from actual news sources for more information? I just basically logged out and just decided to forget anything ever happened. We met the next day, as he had spent a few nights at a friend's house. I said that for things to continue, we needed couples counseling, and I expected him to set up the whole thing. He was surprisingly open to this and said he would work on it. And that's where things started to unravel. Our mutual friends had been really in his corner, bitching me out. But I found out the story that he had told them was way off from the truth. In his version I prevented any money for Halloween, and had gone cheap on trick or treat candy and was only handing it out to children I liked. Once they sort of heard my version, backed up with pics and receipts, support went to me. In fact his friends have been giving him a lot of ribbing about how he acted, which my now ex hates In the meantime, he had been working on getting us counseling, but found that getting therapy on his insurance meant months long waiting lists. So instead, he came up with this "couples coach" who was religious. I'm not religious and wasn't thrilled by this but figured it was better than nothing. Our first meeting was only 3 days after I posted. One funny thing that came up was that my ex immediately handed over a print out of the household budget, and the coach praised it... but the coach thought my ex was the one who wrote it and that I was failing to follow it. So what followed was this weird thing where my ex wanted all the praise, but also wanted the coach to badmouth the budget because my ex hates it. It took the better part of the first session to explain to him the actual situation, and the coach was weird about the fact that it was the woman in the relationship dictating money, even though he liked the budget itself (this was a lot of issues later, actually) The next day, one of our friends found the reddit post and sent it to my ex. All hell broke loose with him saying that I had betrayed his trust. Our next couples coaching session was all about that, and honestly I felt terrible for airing his dirty laundry. The coach and my ex both shit on me a ton in this time that I had publicly humiliated my ex. Obviously, I'm updating, so I don't care about embarrassing my ex anymore. He has this username and will probably read this. Whatever. One thing that was seemingly positive at first about the coaching was the coach pointed out that my ex had never had the ability to have holiday traditions because of his upbringing. I genuinely felt bad about this, and rolling into Christmas made a huge attempt to incorporate him into my family's traditions and to ask if there's anything he wanted to do. He responded by shitting all over my family's traditions and his only contribution was to suggest something really extravagant that would have cost a fortune. I swear he only did this just to badmouth me when I said no. This was all bookended by our twice a week visits to the couples coach who I increasingly hated. He would go through super religious prayers and having issue with us living together before marriage. Neither my ex or I responded positively to this. But my ex would get really into it when the coach would talk about more misogynistic 'men as head of household' stuff. When I said I'd prefer moving to a regular therapist, my ex said I was undermining his work getting us help. There's a dozen little things that happened in there where I should have broken up. But last week was the real final straw. Ever since my ex found the post I had made on reddit, he has been obsessed with going through my phone. Because of my career, I wouldn't let him. I have a lot of emails and accesses on my phone thats sensitive information in regards to work. I made a compromise that he could ask who I was texting etc and I'd show him at any point. This wasn't good enough. I don't know how he got into my phone. But he went through it fully and started raging out that I was keeping things from him. But none of it had any relation to him. (Like, I had a group chat where we were planning a wedding shower for a friend. He's only met this friend in passing. He knew I was helping plan it, but was mad that I hadn't let him know ever little detail. Specifically, we were surprising the bride by flying in her aunt who she rarely sees. I wasn't contributing to this financially, just knew about it. And somehow my not telling him that specific little thing was keeping secrets?) We were still fighting over this when we went to a party with friends. Apparently in digging through my old chats he found where a friend of mine had talked to me in confidence of a tragedy she went through. Only her husband and sisters were really in the know. My ex was drunk and started talking about this loudly about this to her with her husband right there. Her husband told her to shut up and my ex basically got all superior about knowing things and there not being secrets. It was very close to being a fight. I told him not to come back to my house after that, and he seems really shocked we broke up. I'm still numb about all of this, but yeah. Him? Never again. &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 [New Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/11lay4o/it_ended_the_way_it_began_with_an_animatronic/) March 7, '23 &nbsp; **It ended the way it began: With an animatronic clown.** So, look in my history if you are interested in my past with my now-ex boyfriend. But here's the cliffnotes. My boyfriend lived with me. He hated the concept of a budget. He managed to convince me to give him a ton of money for halloween decorations, and he spent the whole lot on an animatronic clown. Then, he basically wrecked the trick or treating event, told me to leave my own house, and gaslighting me afterwards. I posted online, we went into "therapy", then he goes and reveals my friend's miscarriage so I break up with him. So, some details since my last post. I now have therapy in quotations, because it since has become evident he picked the life coach he did because their website shows some really misogynistic views. It seems he was hoping that they would back him up on controlling me. I'm now in real therapy, don't worry. Secondly, my friend has made up with me for the whole debacle of his reading our old conversations. She is helping me a lot, has read through these posts, and has given me permission to say that the secret he outed was that she had a miscarriage. Now, onto the latest. The ex finally came by to pick up his stuff about a week ago. He's hemmed and hawed about this now since he left. Initially he only took the bare essentials, and has drug his feet. I think he thought I'd take him back. Finally, he shows up with a friend to get his stuff. Every single thing he pulls out of the house, he is snidely telling me that I will miss having it. But before he moved in I had a fully furnished house. His contributions were either things that only he used, or stuff that I had duplicates of. Except for the clown. When that finally came up, he was angry. He said that he was now living out of his friends bedroom, and doesn't have room to either store it, or to display it at Halloween. So he wanted me to pay him back for it. I pointed out that I had paid for it in the first place. He has this whole alternate scenario where I had given him the money to buy it as a gift, therefore it was his money and I had to repay him. An argument broke out, he stormed out with his stuff, and left the clown. I've sold it for $200, and look forward to visiting it in a proper, long term halloween set up. &nbsp; *I am not the original poster, please do not comment on the original posts*

AITA for choosing my budget over my boyfriend this Halloween? New Update

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17cxswh/aita_for_choosing_my_budget_over_my_boyfriend/

17dga3o

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Express_Amphibian_16 **“That Guy” Derails Campaign To Seduce His IRL Sister** **Originally posted to r/rpghorrorstories** **GLOSSARY OF TERMS** **DM = Dungeon Master** **TPK = Total Party Kill** **NPC = Non Playable Character** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Indecent exposure and sexual harassment, incestuous undertones!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/s/FWk6gvdaXU) **March 21, 2023** So I play with a group of people that I more or less have known since high school and college. The DM was one of my best friends since we were 14. Most of us are guys but there are two girls-“That Guy”s sister (Paladin) and my high school friend (Ranger). There were three other guys at the table. That Guy, Fighter, and Barbarian. (I’m just going to refer to most of these people by their class since there’s no way in hell I’m using real names). Anyway, we hadn’t played D&D in a while because of the pandemic and even afterwards we all kind of had hectic schedules because of school and work (That Guy’s sister and Barbarian were still in college). But a couple of months ago we decided to run a home brewed campaign that was supposed to be like a mix between Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings. The campaign was supposed to be very dark and I was excited. Well we get to session 0/1 and That Guy’s sister introduces us to him. He was her older brother and clearly socially awkward-he always seemed like the younger brother despite being 7 years older but he seemed like a good guy at first. So we get into the game and we start to see red flags with this guy almost immediately. He was constantly threatening NPCs-even going as far as to murder a random Drow. He is supposedly a Lawful Good Wizard but he claims that murdering this Drow is a lawful good act because “Drow are an evil race by definition”. This was blatantly untrue in our campaign but he went all “rules lawyer” on us when we tried to tell him this wasn’t the case. He also saves the body parts of the NPCs and creatures he or the party kills-including the testicles. He also would CONSTANTLY flirts the Paladin-his sister’s character. We just kind of assumed it was his character decision and she would pretty much just go along with it and we didn’t question it too much until the dumbass LEVEL ONE WIZARD with no armor attempts to block a fucking firebolt to “defend” his full HP Paladin sister who is a whole ass level above him. So obviously he fucking dies. We almost got TPK’d because of this. We ended up having to BARELY flee the encounter and leave him to the Ogre Thinker to kill him. He then rolls an Artificer. And surprise surprise-he is basically the exact same character except he dropped the pretense of being “Lawful Good” and just went full murderhobo. His flirtation with the Paladin intensified-until he died again-and again. Playing the same Paladin loving murderhobo over and over. He even got to the point where he would basically murder ANYONE who even spoke to her. At this point we start thinking this is just getting weird. How many characters can you go through before the whole “Its what my character would do” excuse stops working for hitting on your sister. We end up having a little talk with him about his characters and try to gently steer him into playing something different or flirting with another character. He got really defensive and pissy and basically gave us the whole “iTs wHaT mY cHarAcTer wOuLd dO” excuse. We didn’t want to push this or cause more problems. So we let it go. Well he kept on escalating until he was making sexual comments about her character. Sexual content is fine in our game but the context was making this increasingly weird. Eventually he made a comment that was clearly related to her irl appearance and not the character so we ended up messaging her to ask her if she wants us to kick him but she said no. Her response was just that he is just “Really in to the roleplay. He really likes you guys too”. Yeah because mindlessly murdering every NPC that mildly annoys him is totally quality RP. This story doesn’t have a dramatic ending with the problem player going full incel and getting kicked or anything. We are pretty much just playing with a “that guy” and TRYING to keep him from murdering too many important NPCs and ignoring him when he occasionally tries to (badly) be an obnoxious rules lawyer or hit on his sister’s “character”. Thankfully-the DM has basically caught on and most of his shenanigans just lead to him dying. He is now a full 3 levels behind the rest of the party and we pretty much go into combat as if he is not even there. **tldr** Socially awkward “that guy” plays a murderhobo that dies constantly due to his own dumbass decisions and won’t stop hitting on his sister’s character. He also is a really bad rules lawyer when he thinks the rules suit him. He is now 3 levels behind the rest of the party due to constantly dying and is pretty much useless in combat. [A Creepy Murderhobo Goes Too Far (Update)](https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/s/zcHxlg89LA) **July 25, 2023** I posted here a couple months ago about a cringelord with no social skills and a very weird playstyle. I won’t go into too much detail but basically he was basically an edgelord murderhobo who also had a bad habit of trying to seduce his sister’s character. He was cringe but we ended up letting him stay since his sister didn’t seem bothered and the DM was-to his credit-good about letting his antics mostly just affect him (i.e. he died a LOT and suffered the penalty of our game’s punitive leveling system). The next few months have been-more or less the same thing. Until he seemed to get bored of acting like an idiot and getting himself killed so often. He was now playing a Warlock who had a genuinely compelling backstory. I think he genuinely liked this one cause it has been 6 sessions and he had managed to keep himself alive. Hell even our Ranger had died (albeit in a noble sacrifice kinda way) during those six weeks. Because he was being a genuinely productive player-even if still edgy-we gave him an opportunity to regain some of his lost XP and levels. However he was still obsessed with hitting on Paladin (his sister’s character). Well, fast forward up to-well a few days ago and our problem player decided to bring a case of white claws. It was kind of weird since he never mentioned anything about alcohol and nobody at the table drinks and plays D&D as we pretty much all figured out a long time ago that it just makes the game much stupider. But we let him have his drinks. That was a mistake. By this point we were gearing up to fight the BBEG’s secret servant who was masquerading as the King’s Vizier (advisor). He was EXTREMELY powerful Lich type homebrewed villain so we really had to be ready in order to avoid a TPK cause this DM legit pulls no punches (which we like-we prefer the challenge of trying to stay alive and the fact that our actions have consequences). Anyway-we were in the Underdark to keep from his sight as we prepared to sneak into his castle directly from the Underdark basically by climbing. By this time, our Warlock was starting to get drunk. He was being super loud and coming up with just really stupid ideas on how to deal with the Vizier. Typical D&D stuff. Then he then switched the conversation to how sexy Paladin’s character looked in her new golden armor. Paladin just told him the SAME thing that she told all of his overly flirtatious characters-Paladin’s character has a husband and kids and she is lawful good and would never betray him. She still didn’t seem bothered irl-just amused as if her older brother is just a child begging her for a cookie that he know he can’t have. But the evening progressed-and we fought a few underdark monsters as Warlock got drunker and drunker irl. Even our Fighter commented out of game for him to take it easy which he didn’t do. We just figured at least he had a designated driver and kept going. Once we set up camp-Warlock was legit hammered and so his “character” went to Paladin’s camp and told her in explicit detail how much he wanted to bang her. Paladin also basically just tells him in character that she will never betray her boyfriend or her gods so GTFO. So obviously he decides to kill her god-like any sane player would do. He then casts Plane Shift to the Feywild (her god watches over the Feywild) and then casts a meteor swarm to just decimate it. The DM had him roll to see how devastating it was and he rolled a Nat 20 so the DM basically let him basically launch a Dinosaur extinction level meteor on the Feywild. A weird decision by the DM imo-makes Meteor Swarm feel a BIT too OP but I guess that he felt the Feywild wasn’t too important to the campaign. However his actions incurred the wrath of her god. Her god confronted him and demanded that he answer for his crimes against her realm. He basically went back to his full aggro murderhobo self and tried to FIGHT THE GOD with an admittedly impressive array of spells but unsurprisingly he got his ass handed to him. He died-no death saves-nothing. He basically got smote by an actual god. There is no way he was coming back from that. He then started demanding death saves but the DM refused and so he went off on how he was biased and all that. It was shocking. He never seemed to care about a character that much. The DM then asked him what he expected to happen after challenging a god? He then said he was gonna kill him with his “dimensional spells”. And that even gods aren’t immune to reality warping powers and a bunch of other bullshit. He then admitted he was basically trying to kill this god to seduce the Paladin (again his sister). He thought if her god was dead that she wouldn’t have to worry about breaking her oaths if she banged him. She then started laughing and made a (somewhat weird) comment about how he wouldn’t be “big enough” anyway (he was playing a goblin so the comment sorta made sense) and he-being as drunk as he was-decided it was a good idea to get butthurt and say “IS THIS BIG ENOUGH, YOU (f-slurs)” and then he whipped out his penis and slammed it on the table. Now we had put up with quite a bit of this guy’s antics-including him being a weirdo. But this obviously crossed a line. We all started yelling at him and calling him a pervert and telling him to get the fuck out and his sister literally slapped him. She apologized to us for his behavior and demanded that he get in the car (again he was too drunk to drive). She profusely apologized to us over and over and we tried to reassure her and asked if she would prefer one of us take him and she said “No, its ok. He just acts like a total fuckwad when he’s drunk. That’s why I usually don’t let him drink.” She then left and took him home. We all obviously called it a night after talking about what just happened and eventually just laughing at the absurdity. And now-its a few days later and the asshole decides to text us a long apology on the group chat-basically saying that he’s really sorry, he has no idea why he would do something like that and that he rarely ever drinks and he promises to us that he will never drink again if we let him back in. We actually had decided to take a break from D&D after that since the DM was going out of town anyway. Apparently his sister does legitimately think he should be given another chance because of how sorry he is and how much he “Really likes playing with us”. She even promised us that she is personally holding him accountable for staying sober and will not let him bring a single alcoholic beverage or mind altering substance to our D&D sessions ever again. The DM and other players said we will talk about it when the DM comes back. I feel like we are total idiots for even considering it but part of me sees him as basically a socially stunted man child who needs friends to kind of guide him a bit. And despite everything we did come to see him as a friend. Also-we want to respect her wishes since she is the one who has to deal with him WAY more than we do. So I know the VAST majority of you guys will say “Kick him out” and for GOOD reason but does anyone think there is any valid argument for letting him stay provided he understands that he crossed some major boundaries? **tldr** Our problem player/murderhobo/man-child/sister luster got hammered, acted like a spaz the whole game, and ended it by whipping out his penis and slamming it on the table. He apologized and now wants to play with us again. **EDITORS NOTE: These posts from OOP's history might provide additional context to the poster's personal perspective.** [Monster Energy Low Key Is An Incest Tonic](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/s/9vFTjLhGXi) **Aug 11, 2023** Like seriously-I never used to drink monsters-mostly Rockstars (which are kinda similar) or Bang. But when I started drinking monster-no joke-all I could think about when I was spanking my monkey was banging my sister. Then my aunt gave me a hug after I had a GIANT monster (second one that day) and a White claw and I could not get up for hours for fear of revealing my boner. I also got weirdly hard when I got pat down at an airport. WTF is up with this drink? Like I would NEVER do anything like that-but what’s with the weird fetishes coming out of the woodwork? I feel like I’m becoming my weird friend. [I’m Legit Down Bad For My Aunt](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/s/tlqRzgrKUT) **Aug 21, 2023** What the fuck happened to me?!?! And yes-I do blame this partially on the fact that I met her on vacation in Sweden and went crazy with the white claws and monster energy drinks-usually together. Nothing happened between us. But man I can’t stop thinking about her. [When Playing DnD, I would Take a Problem Player Over a Woke or Uber Religious Player Anyday](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/s/WHQTAYQZ5U) **Sept 19, 2023** And this is coming from someone who has literally had a dumbass player drunkenly flash his dick at the table. A pretty extreme example but I’d definitely take murderhobos, “main characters”, overly horny players, metagamers, etc over oversensitive players. Holy shit some of y’all need to stop being so sensitive. Nobody wants a game where their choices are constricted cause y’all find everything “problematic” and wanna make the game uber PC. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

“That Guy” Derails Campaign To Seduce His IRL Sister

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17dga3o/that_guy_derails_campaign_to_seduce_his_irl_sister/

17dknvk

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Vast-Ad-5383](https://www.reddit.com/user/Vast-Ad-5383/). He posted in r/AITAH **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad, but probably best!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1774mzy/aitah_if_i_call_off_my_engagement_because_of_a/)**: October 13, 2023** For some background info I (43m) have 2 children with my late wife Kayla. Sam (21m) and Liz (16f). All fake names. Kayla passed away when our kids were 15 and 10. I won’t give specifics about how she passed but she was struck by a drunk driver when she was on her way home from work. She really was the love of my life and to say that her passing hit our family hard would be an understatement. I promised myself that if I got back into the dating game I wouldn’t date anyone for at least a couple years for the sake of my kids. 3 years after my wife’s passing, I met my now fiancé. We’ll call her Amanda. Things went slow and I didn’t introduce her to my kids until we had been dating for about a year at that point. Now we’ve been together for 3 years and are engaged. Amanda and my kids have always had a good relationship. Neither of my kids are super close to her but they have always been friendly and welcoming to her, and Amanda has never overstepped any boundaries my kids have, like trying to replace their mother. At the beginning of Amanda and I’s relationship, she was a bit insecure of the fact that I was a widower. During the first few months of us dating she would constantly ask things like “if Kayla had never passed, would I still be with her right now.” I always kept my answers brief, and told her that I didn’t like thinking about the “what ifs” and that she was the one I was dating now and that was what mattered. Eventually she stopped making these comments and I stopped worrying about it. Now to the issue. My parents were hosting a family dinner to celebrate my fiance and I’s engagement. It was my mom and dad, my late wife’s sister and her husband, Sam and Liz, and me and Amanda. Dinner was going well, we were all making small talk with each other and talked about wedding plans. About half way into dinner my mom made a comment about how she was “so happy I was able to find the spark I had with Kayla in someone else.” I don’t think anybody really paid much attention to the comment but then Amanda laughed and said “I’m happy she died, otherwise I would have never gotten him to myself.” The tone of the dinner immediately shifted and everyone got extremely tense, especially my kids. Amanda noticed the shift and started awkwardly laughing like she was trying to play her comment off as a joke. I was honestly just frozen as that was the first time she had made a comment like that. My kids looked disgusted and Liz got up and walked out to the car. Sam waited a bit longer like he wanted me to say something but I was still in shock about what Amanda had said. To make a long story about the dinner short, the dinner was kind of ruined, so I said my goodbyes to everyone, grabbed my fiancé and we all drove home. My daughter hasn’t spoken to me or Amanda since and it’s been 3 days. I got tired of it and pulled my son aside to ask him what I should do. He said something along the lines of “I’m a grown man and don’t care who another grown man marries, but I don’t want a women who speaks like that about our mother around my sister.” Sam’s comment stuck with me and now I’m considering calling off the engagement entirely. She’s never made comments like this before but I’m worried if I let it slide this one time, it will become more frequent and it will affect my daughter. I need some advice from outside perspectives and just want to do right by my kids. WIBTAH if I called of the engagement because of the comment she made? Edit: Wow I didn’t expect to get this much advice so shortly after posting this. Nonetheless thank all of you for the advice and even the people calling me a bad father. I think your guys words are what I needed to pull my head out my ass. I will try to talk to my kids alone tonight before speaking with my fiancé and we’ll see where it goes from here. I’m pretty sure my fiancé and I are over though. I’ll update late tonight or tomorrow on how the talks with everyone goes. Thank all of you again for setting my head straight. EDIT#2: I tried posting my update on here but this post wouldn’t allow it. I’ve made a separate post for the update for those interested. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1780bgm/update_aitah_if_i_call_off_my_engagement_because/)**: October 14, 2023 (Next Day)** This is an update post for those who have read my initial post asking for advice. Update: I promised I would update everyone after I had talked to my kids so here is the update. it’s kind of long so I hope that doesn’t go against the rules of this community. I’m also gonna use this update as a way to clarify some of the questions people were asking in the comments. 1. Did my fiancé apologize to anyone at the dinner party? No she didn’t. I honestly don’t think it even registered or has registered to her that what she said was wrong. 2. Does fiancé have social anxiety? Not to my knowledge no. In all the time I’ve known her she’s never shown any signs of social anxiety and doesn’t have a history of it. 3. How old was my late wife? She was 37 when she passed and we were the same age. Amanda is 41. A lot of people were asking for clarification on the time frame of her passing and when my fiancé and I met. At this point in time Kayla has been gone for about 6 years and I met Amanda roughly 3 years after Kayla’s passing. I didn’t mention either of their ages as I didn’t believe it was important because we’re so close in age but I understand why a lot of you guys would want to know. Now that I’ve clarified the things I was most asked about in the comments we can get into the update. While I’m writing this update, it’s the day after I talked to my kids. So last night at around 5:30 my fiancé left for work. She works nights most days of the week so I was able to call my son and ask if he could come over so I can talk to him and his sister. He goes to our local college and lives in an apartment near his school. When he started college he wanted to move out but also wanted to stay close to us so he settled on an apartment a few blocks away from the college. He came over and I called him and his sister into the living room to talk with the both of them. When they were both seated I told them point blank that I didn’t think the wedding was happening anymore, and that the comment she made was unacceptable. I then (by the advice of the comments) apologized to them. I told them I was sorry for not saying anything for so long and letting the tension thicken in our home. I told my daughter that I understood why she hasn’t spoken to me and that I was sorry for allowing her to think that I was even remotely ok with what she said. I felt pretty spineless after we had gotten back from dinner that night so I wanted to do everything in my power to make it right with my kids during the conversation. My daughter told me that she felt disgusted at the comment Amanda made and even more so when I didn’t defend her mother. She then told me that the past 2 years that she’s known Amanda, she felt like she’s been gradually trying to push her and Sam away from me. One of the examples Liz gave when was when my son moved out. He moved out when he was about to start his sophomore year of college, and when he mentioned the idea of moving out, Amanda was the one who took that and ran with it. According to Liz, Amanda was the one encouraging Sam the most to move out. To be clear, I was never against Sam moving out, but I was clear to him to he was welcome to live at home for his college years and even after until he found where he wanted to be. I asked Sam if he felt pushed out by Amanda, and if that’s why he moved out. He said he hadn’t felt pushed out before he told everyone he wanted to move, but after he put it out there my fiancé kept pushing for him to move out. Liz cut in and said that every time she brings up college, Amanda keeps encouraging her to go out of state. Liz doesn’t plan on going out of state and she’s been open about wanting to go to the college Sam is attending right now. Liz said she feels like Amanda is waiting till she graduates high school and goes to college so she can move out. A lot of the comments were right about the subtle comments eventually turning into Amanda wanting my kids pushed away from me. Liz said that she was scared that by the time I eventually noticed the way Amanda was acting, too big of a wedge would have already been driven between me and them. I told my kids that I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to notice and that I was also sorry they’ve been been walking on eggshells for so long. I hugged my kids and told that them no matter what, they are my top priority, not Amanda or anybody else. A lot of comments pointed out that even though my son is grown, he still needs his father, and I made sure to let my son know that I will always be there for him and his sister even when they are well grown. The entire conversation lasted about 2 hours, we covered a lot of the bases we wanted to, and it got emotional on all sides. In short, Amanda and I are done. I’ve made it a point to tell my kids that none of this situation is their fault, and that Amanda is the grown women who said what she said. My kids and I are ok right now, but they aren’t 100% with me and probably won’t be for a while. I’m completely fine with that and just want my kids comfortable in their own home. Amanda has tomorrow off from work, so I plan on talking to her tomorrow. I also plan on calling my mother to ask her why she thought it was ok to even bring up Kayla at the dinner. I don’t want my daughter here when it all goes down, so she’s staying tonight and tomorrow night with Sam. So that’s were I’m at right now. Not super happy about the outcome of me and Amanda, but would rather have my kids happy and healthy than have a wife. Again, thank you everyone for the advice and the harsh words. I’ll update after I call it off with Amanda. Thank you everyone. EDIT: I posted the new update you guys have been waiting for. It’s been a long day but I still want to keep everyone posted on the situation as you guys have been incredible in helping me through my situation, so it only feels fair to give you guys the update you’ve been waiting for. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/178qjrn/update2_aitah_if_i_call_off_my_engagement_because/) **2: October 15, 2023 (2 days from OG post)** Ok everyone here’s the update you guys were waiting for. Again, this is a long post, even longer than the last update, and I Suggest reading my previous posts if you haven’t for the contest of this situation. So where we last left off is my kids and I talked, made up, and my daughter is staying with her brother so she doesn’t get caught up in what was about to happen with my now ex-fiancé. Before the hard part of the day (breaking it off with Amanda) I made a call to my mom to let her know of the situation. A lot of the comments told me to not bash my mom for the comment she made. Now thinking back on the situation with a clear mind, the comment my mother made towards Amanda was most definitely a compliment towards her. And that was confirmed in the the call I had with her. My mother, bless her heart, felt extremely guilty for the entire situation. She fully believed the situation all stemmed from her one comment. I assured her that none of the situation was her fault and that I’ve never blamed her one bit for any of this. We talked a bit more before I let her go. The call ended at about 9:15 AM and I was left waiting for Amanda to wake up. She woke up at around 10:30 AM, and I didn’t want to ambush her straight after she woke up, so I waited until about 11:10 AM to sit her down and talk. A lot of people in the comments suggested to secretly video the whole thing. I thought that was extremely smart, so I had my phone set to record in my back pocket the entire time. I didn’t think she’d try to do anything drastic, but I would rather be safe than sorry. The talk with her went about as well as anyone could imagine, so not at all. I told her I needed to talk with her, that it was serious, and we sat in the living room. When we were seated, I began unloading at her about the comment she made about Kayla at my parents house, how it made my kids feel, how it made me feel, her lack of an apology of any sort of acknowledgment to what she said, and so on. I told her I expect her to give an apology to my parents, my in laws, and most importantly, my kids. During the entire time of me unloading on her, she didn’t seem to show any bit of emotion other than her eyes, which were slightly wider than normal. After I spoke my truth, she straight up asked “so if I apologize to everyone, we’ll go back to normal?” I told her point blank, no. I told her that the comment she made at dinner was not the extent of my problems with her. I then told her that I know she heavily pressured Sam to move out when he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to at that point in time, and that I also know she is now trying to do the same with Liz. I did my absolute best to leave my kids out of the situation but told Amanda that the way my kids described her treatment towards them, was the main reason I don’t see a future with her anymore. Amanda was stone faced up until I told her we were done. I think that’s when the panic set in for her. She kept saying that she’ll apologize to everyone, that she’ll make it right with my kids, ect ect. I told her that if she apologizes, I will certainly appreciate it, but we were still done either way. She was full on crying at this point and asked me “why wasn’t I willing to try and fix our relationship?” And I told her that even though I loved her (and I will be honest I still love her very much) I was not willing to take another chance of my kids being hurt against the way they were. I was frustrated and shot back at her asking her “why she was trying to push my kids out of their own home?” And I got back an answer I was not at all expecting. I was completely shocked at her response, but a lot of you guys won’t be. A lot of commenters actually hit the nail right on the head with what Amanda was truly like. Amanda responded with “well, I didn’t know you expected me to house somebody else’s kids for the rest of my life.” I immediately saw red and after about a minute I told her get out. I told her that my kids can go wherever they damn please, especially in the house that I OWN and PAY FOR. She tried to retaliate but in the end ended up pack a few bags and going to stay with one her friends. I emailed a copy of the phone recording to myself. The talk only lasted about 25 minutes, not nearly as long as the talk I had with my kids, so if anything ends up coming of the conversation, I have all I’d need to keep my name clear. I’ve texted my kids that Amanda is out of the house for good, that they are welcome to come home anytime, and let my son know that if he wants to, he is more than welcome to move back in completely. My daughter is coming back from her brother’s place in the afternoon and I still have phone calls to make to make to my parents and in laws to apologize for this mess of a situation. Amanda is out of my house but keeps blowing up my phone for us to try to work things out. I’ll let her come by in the next few days so she can collect the rest of her stuff out of my house but she is not welcome to live here again. I’ll be honest and say that I am a bit devastated. Despite everything Amanda did, I still love her, and I probably won’t stop loving her for a minute. But I’ll be ok. Right now I just want to focus on the family that needs me, and will use this situation as an excuse to bond more with my kids. Another big thank you to everyone who helped me in the comments. A lot of the advice you guys gave played a part in making things right with my family. I will update if anything else big or important happens but as of now I’m taking it one step at a time and making it right with my family.

AITAH if I call off my engagement because of a comment my fiancé made about my late wife?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17dknvk/aitah_if_i_call_off_my_engagement_because_of_a/

17dknxq

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/AITAThrowRA_Religion **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITAH for disrespecting my husband's religion?** Trigger Warnings: >!Sexism, controlling behavior, verbal abuse, mention of self harm, brain damage!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/175gwqy/aitah_for_disrespecting_my_husbands_religion/) - **October 11, 2023** I (53F) have been married to my husband Peter (M51) for 17 years. We have two kids, Joan (15) and Eric (17). Peter and I have been best friends for the majority of our time together, but things changed. About a year ago, Peter got into a car accident. He got hit by a drunk driver, and was in a coma for a month. It was a really rough time for the family, and the kids and I were pretty much constantly by his side when we weren't at work or school. Thankfully, he pulled through, and he was able to get back to his life after months of recovery and intense physical therapy. Things started to feel like they were going back to normal, until he became super religious a few weeks ago. He started to believe that god had saved him, and that he needed to use the second chance he was given to spread the gospel. I'm all for people expressing their religion, but he has latched on to a very conservative type of christianity, and it is causing a lot of friction between us. Eric is currently in his senior year of high school, and is working on the college application process now. Joan has been watching this and is very interested. The other day, she came to me crying, saying she'd asked her dad what colleges were good for computer science, since she's been very interested in coding for a while now, and her dad said she wouldn't be going to college, since her future job was to be a wife and mother, and college would be wasted on her. To say I was furious would be an understatement. I went to him and asked him why he said that. He replied that he was spreading the good word, and he wanted to make sure we didn't lead our children into a sinful alternative lifestyle. I asked him if he expected me to quit my job (I work from home as an accountant) and focus on being a wife and mother too, and he said that he'd wanted to talk to me about this for a while. He said that he wanted me to quit my job, since it is not suitable for a woman. This absolutely blindsided me, since he'd never expressed anything like this before. I told him that I would not be quitting my job, and our daughter would go to college, whether he approved or not. He rolled his eyes, and said I'd come around. It escalated last night. Joan was going to go to the movies with a couple friends, and she came down wearing a pair of jeans and a crop top. Typical teenager stuff, nothing she hadn't worn before. Peter stopped her, and told her she had to change. She asked why, and he said he wasn't going to let her leave the house looking like a skank. I was shocked, he'd never used language like that before. I told her to leave just as she was, and she left. Peter asked if I even cared about our daughter's soul, and I told him it's her body, she could dress herself how she wanted. He said her body is the property of god, not her, and that I needed to respect his religion. I told him I'd never respect a religion that treats women like second class citizens, and he left the house in a huff. He hasn't come back yet. AITAH? **AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on top comments, OOP is NTA** &nbsp; [Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1767i3p/update_aitah_for_disrespecting_my_husbands/) - **October 12, 2023** Hey all. Thanks for the concern and kind words, I really needed it. First things first, I'm safe, and I'm out of the house with my kids. A lot of you expressed concern about their safety and my financial security, and I want to assure you that is being taken care of. We are safe and with my dad, and my finances were already largely separate. We have a joint account, but that's a small "fun money" account for movie tickets, dinners out, and stuff like that. I have my own savings that he cannot access. My mom had a gambling addiction when I was a kid that nearly ruined our finances, so my dad made me promise I'd have my own savings. Turns out he was really smart to say that. Some people suggested looking for a counselor for Joan, and thankfully the kids already had a therapist for anxiety after the accident, and as soon as we left the house we scheduled an emergency session to make sure they can process everything that's going on. A lot of you said Peter needed to see a doctor because this could be a symptom of a TBI, which I agree with. The problem is, since he was discharged months ago and the more worrying symptoms happened recently, I can't force him to get treatment, especially since nothing he said would be considered "threatening." I had a call with him yesterday. He asked where I was, and I refused to tell him. He didn't get upset, thankfully. He asked why I took the kids and left, and I told him he wasn't the man I married anymore. I told him that things seemed to be getting worse, and that I needed him to see a doctor because this wasn't normal. He dismissed all of my concern, saying that he was finally being the sort of man he was supposed to be, and that the "medical mafia" is trying to make the godly parts of him disappear. I again told him that he wouldn't be seeing the kids or me until he saw a doctor. As soon as I said that he hung up. I already blocked him on social media, but my brother sent me a screenshot soon after of a facebook post he made. It was an unfocused rant that went on for several paragraphs about how doctors and satan had gotten to me and that I was hurting our daughter by letting her wear "sinful clothing" and that I was setting her up to be harmed by vicious men in the workplace. All the comments were his friends telling him he was scaring them, nobody was on his side. He said they had to cast satan out of their hearts. When I saw this, I couldn't stop crying. I knew it was over then. There's no way I could make him better if he doesn't want to get better. I sat the kids down and told them I was going to start the process of getting a divorce. They took it really well, and Joan just kept saying thank you. I asked her if anything had happened other than words from him that I didn't know about, and thankfully she said no, and Eric said the same. So that's pretty much where things are. We're safe, and he can't get access to my finances. I'm looking for a place of our own since the house is in his name, and I'm going to send my brother and his husband to get our stuff while he's at work tomorrow. I'm looking into lawyers now. Thank you all for everything, and I'll update as things continue." &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***Commentator:** I’m happy that you and the kids are safe. I’m sorry you’re all going thru this but leaving was the best decision for the 3 of you!* *I do agree that there’s more to all this than just him finding god. Whether it’s a TBI or some sort of mental breakdown. But like you said, HE needs to want to go and want to get “better”;you can’t force him.* *Please also keep documentation of everything going forward! You may need those and records of his extreme change in behavior when it comes to custody of your kids. Luckily, they’re old enough that the judge should give them the opportunity to express their opinion on their custody when it comes times.* *Best wishes for all of you, including your husband! I hope this goes as smoothly & amicably as possibly.* *I hope you’ll update us down the road!* >**OP:** I'm documenting absolutely everything. My dad is helping me with finding a good lawyer, and looking into if there's grounds to get a restraining order. He said he sounds like he's turning into John List, and I can't exactly deny that. ***Commentator:** Don't stay at your father's too long, that's probably one of the first places he'll look for you! And can your kids attend school online for a bit, just to make sure he can't catch them there? Also, notify the school that he's no longer a safe person. Good luck!* >**OP:** Talking with the school district today, and my dad lives in a gated community which knows not to let him in. Looking at apartments today. ***Commentator:** Not to hijack, but I think (Another commentator) was asking if your son was still in contact with His father, your current husband.* >**OP:** Oh my god, I completely missed that. No, I asked Eric if his dad had reached out to him, and he said, and I quote, "fuck him." &nbsp; [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/176oxjd/update_2_aitah_for_disrespecting_my_husbands/) - **October 12, 2023 (Same day, 14 hours later)** Hey people. First off, I'm still safe, and the kids are still safe. I've got news for all of you. I don't want to call it good news, but it's taken a load off my chest. A few hours ago, my husband called a coworker of his and tried started rambling about his current situation, during which he mentioned suicide. As soon as the conversation ended, he called 911, and since this was the first time he made a threat to himself, my husband was put into a 5150 hold. He's going to get medical treatment, finally. Thanks again for all the support and the kindness you have all shown. If there's any other updates, I'll let you know. &nbsp; [Update #3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/178trmw/update_3_aitah_for_disrespecting_my_husbands/?share_id=BsYM7GSBPYm43bImd98w3&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 15, 2023** Hey folks. I have another and hopefully more substantial update. After my husband was put into a 5150 hold, I was able to get in touch with the mental health facility he was put into, I mentioned that he had been in a coma a year ago, and filled them in on the personality changes I had been seeing. They said they would pass it along to his care team. Yesterday I received a call from the facility. I am still listed as his emergency contact, so they were able to give me more information. After I passed along my experience, they ordered a MRI scan. They found a massive cranial abscess that was pressing on his frontal lobe, and he was immediately sent to surgery to drain it because of the size. The surgery went well, but they say that they don't know what the long term impacts will be. He's still really out of it, so I don't know how his behavior is going to be. The kids and I are understandably very shaken up. We are still with my father, and we're going to continue to look for our own place in the meantime. We don't know if his personality will return to how it was before, but I'm going to err on the side of caution. No unsupervised visits with the kids, and I will only see him in the presence of a therapist or lawyer for the time being. I really don't know how it's going to go from here, but I know we'll make it through together. Thank you all for everything. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITAH for disrespecting my husband's religion?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17dknxq/aitah_for_disrespecting_my_husbands_religion/

17dktf4

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwraughh1 **Why do some guys feel the need to make your special day about them?** **Originally posted to r/TwoXChromosomes** **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!controlling behavior, emotional manipulation, attempted sexual coercion, sexual assault!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Run girl, run!< [I told my bf I hated doing a certain sex position that’s his go-to now he doesn’t want to have sex - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/tsxuxe/i_told_my_bf_i_hated_doing_a_certain_sex_position/)  **March 31, 2022** I’ve been dating my bf for 7 months now and since we’ve been becoming more open with each other I thought it was the right time for me to tell him that I actually hate when we’re in doggystyle. I only tolerated bc he seemed to enjoy it so much. He thought I was joking at first and then asked why, I told him it wasn’t fun bc my ass gets in the way and he always has to keep reinserting himself in me, and I never liked the position in general bc it gets too deep for me. He acted like it didn’t bother him but I started noticing his change of behavior in bed. He didn’t seem as intimate or physical anymore and would just start pounding and trying to go as deep as he could. It’s like he wanted a reaction out of me or to prove something so obviously I wasn’t getting turned on anymore. I talked to him again, this time telling him sex was starting to become painful, he flat out said “why don’t we just stop fucking all together since everything is uncomfortable” and “why do I have to be the first dude you say this to? You said you used to take it from other guys even tho it hurt but I can’t even hit from the back” he went on to make that assumption like I just let all these guys do this when really I’ve only slept with 3 other guys and one was out right assault that I don’t even count. I feel like somehow I made him feel less than by being honest with him and saying I don’t want to do that position. I’m worried that he’s comparing himself to other guys. We’ve gone over a week without it but we still hangout so it’s off. Anytime I try initiating he moves my hand and I’m just wondering how long he’ll keep this up. I’m willing to compromise on the whole position thing now bc I miss him. I’m looking for advice on how to approach this situation? [Why do some guys feel the need to make your special day about them?](https://reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/xnMsDM2pgk) **Sept 16, 2023** I need to vent about my bf making me late to my birthday dinner that I had been planning for well over a month. This happened last week but it’s still something that pisses me off. For context: I had my birthday dinner on Thursday and my official celebration was on Friday. The dinner felt more intimate for me because I invited my parents that I rarely see and all of the people I consider myself to be close with. While I was getting ready, my bf kept pestering me pointing out things that he thought didn’t look right on me and I got frustrated with him and closed the bathroom door. He said he was only trying to help me. He got lost on the drive because he wouldn’t listen to me when I kept saying what street the restaurant was on. When we finally got to there I think some people caught on to the fact I wasn’t in a great mood. My bf was dragging along and being standoffish, which didn’t make things better. To make matters worse, when I told him to go home, he changed his act and started being more pleasant and talkative. By the end of the night he was running the show because I was no longer in the mood for socializing much and he filled in that space to relieve tension. He switched his tone when we got to the car and was completely silent. I told him he ruined my night. First he didn’t take me seriously, and then he decided to tell me he wanted to make me cum to make me feel better and asked me if that sounded good. I was so disgusted and disappointed by his behavior. The next day he woke me up with breakfast and was acting all like those typical bfs in romcoms, obviously he knew he fucked up. I had been looking forward to my birthday this time and he tainted it and then acted like he was doing me a favor. I feel like he doesn’t understand how much this hurt me, and maybe I am overreacting some because my celebration the next day went really well, but he should’ve been more supportive. Thanks for listening to my rant, but really, what is up with that? Because I know it’s a thing [Update - I (20F) broke up with my boyfriend (24M) but he still thinks we’re together](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/on6dlepXJi) **Oct 15, 2023** I broke up with my boyfriend about 2 weeks ago. We had been going through a rough patch, and I was starting to feel incompatible with him. It didn't help that he had also been doing a lot of annoying things. My final straw was when he entered the bathroom while I was showering to skip a song I had playing. For some reason, that was the moment I started seeing our relationship for what it was. After I got out of the shower, I told him that we were no longer together. He told me to get dressed and to sit down so we could talk it out. I held my stance, and he should have seen it coming since I warned him about the state of our relationship. We had previously talked about how separation would work before I agreed to get an apartment with him. He said that if it ever came to this point, he would leave the apartment with me since he had more resources. He said he would respect my decision because, in the end, he cared for me. Well, I was serious. I didn't expect him to leave immediately; I just wanted to make things clear. He took it seriously at first, but then a few days later, he asked me if I was done. I told him I wasn't joking, and he knows I'm not the type to go back on a decision I made. He's tried gaining my sympathy by cooking more and buying things I previously mentioned to my friends. He got mad that I kept getting McDonald's instead of eating what he cooked (granted, I'm upset with myself that I let myself get this low, but it's become like comfort food in a way). I reminded him that we weren't together and he needed to be honest with me if he was going to leave the lease with me or not so I could start planning my living arrangements. He literally took my fries and said I needed to stop taking my stress out on him. We haven't been sleeping together, but he tries to sneak into bed with me early in the morning. He comes with his pillow, and I have to get up or tell him no. He snuck into bed with me, and when I went to get up, he held me tightly against him. I told him to let me go and tried to get away, but he kept shushing me and acted like I wanted that. He had alcohol on his breath. I waited for him to pass out and left to my friend's dorm. I saw him again after that situation (obv we currently live together), and he asked if I was okay and why I left. I told him exactly what happened and how I felt about it. He laughed it off saying that’s how much he loved me and asked to take me out. I declined and got dressed to go out with my friends because I would rather do anything than be around him, and he's been staying in more. He accused me of seeing someone else and said that was the reason I wanted to break up. He said I haven't looked that good in months and it reminded him how attractive I was when we first started dating. When I returned later that night, he heard me throwing up in the bathroom and assumed I was drunk when I wasn't. He tried to get me to say we were together and started getting really touchy. I freaked out on him, and he got mad. It’s like he was really insulted when he didn’t have the right to be. I'm frustrated. I'm resenting him. It's getting to the point that I'm repulsed by his smell, and I can't be around his laundry. I don't know how to get it through to him. I don't know why he's being delusional? Stubborn? For lack of better words. I'm not trapped. It's clear to me that I have to leave; it's just really difficult right now as I’m not in my home state and it’s hard getting apartments over here. In the meantime, I would like advice on how I can get him to see that we’re no longer together because he’s suffocating me. TLDR- I’ve been dating my bf for 2 years and we recently moved in together over the summer. I broke up with him because we’re no longer compatible. He doesn’t see it that way and refuses to let go of our relationship. It’s hard because we currently live together. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Why do some guys feel the need to make your special day about them?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17dktf4/why_do_some_guys_feel_the_need_to_make_your/

17duf64

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/thespiciestbagel **in** r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: >!Alcohol & Drug Addiction, DUI - Driving Under Influence!<  &#x200B; [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j2670t/aita_for_telling_my_brother_i_met_his_new/) \- 30th Sept 2020 My brother started dating this new girl and I realized I recognized her from AA. I’m not an addict, but my lawyer recommended I attend some AA meetings to help strengthen an ongoing case against me. I know it’s her because I remember her very unique name from the AA meeting and she also talked for a very long time. I thought it was important to mention it to my brother is because I’m worried about her as a partner to him. In AA, she mentioned that not only did she use hard drugs, but also that she feels like she can’t control herself. She also admitted to drugs making her verbally aggressive and unstable emotionally, and at the time sue was not sober. I know my brother, and I know that he holds himself and his partners to a high standard and that he hates drama in his relationship. I told him what she said and he broke up with her, and she basically stalked me and also called me an untrustworthy bitch who ruined her experience with AA. Honestly I think I was just trying to help my brother out, but some of my friends think it was messed up for me to tell him. But I think it’s better for him to know what kind of person she is ahead of time. AITA? Edit: TO CLEAR SOME THINGS UP BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE ASSUMING A LOT: I am fighting my case because I believe the legal system is corrupt but I want to be accountable in other ways I don’t regularly drink and drive, I don’t even drink at all, the night was the worst night of my life and I would take it back in a heartbeat All I’m asking is opinions on how I should have handled the situation with this girl, not to talk about whether I deserve to rot in jail because of my DUI. **I do NOT condone drinking and driving and think it’ a very serious crime and I understand the gravity of my actions.**   ***Replies from OOP in Comment to the post*** >It ruined my social and financial life. That night was the worst night of my life, I lost a man I thought I loved, my parents were enraged and cut me off from everything but legal fees, and I’m constantly seen as a criminal and I hate it. I’m traumatized from drinking AND driving and don’t do either. I appreciate you telling me your experience though, it gives me hope that it’ll get better. I’m trying my best to move past the person I was, I want to grow. I will work on accountability &#x200B; >I’m cleaning up my own mess, apologizing to the girl AND to the AA group, taking drivers’ ed, donating money to charity, not drinking, and will consider therapy. I’m willing to change because I want the past to be behind me. &#x200B; >My ex boyfriend was my ride and he came in my car but he was literally dancing with other girls in front of me. I was upset and drunk and just wanted to get out of the situation, so I took the keys and drove home. It was a mistake but it was something I did out of total duress and not something I did just for kicks Anyways I’m done defending myself online for something I’m STILL facing consequences for and something I admit is wrong when that’s not even the point of the post   **Verdict - ASSHOLE** &#x200B; [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jgocz8/update_aita_for_telling_my_brother_i_met_his_new/) \- 23rd Oct 2020 My reception last time was not very positive, and I realize that my approach at the time wasn’t the best. So in this update, I’m going to try and be emotionless as possible and just give you guys the facts. * I showed my brother the thread. We talked about it. He told me he thinks I have a drinking problem. That was hard to hear. He also reached to his ex, I don’t know the results of that. * I reread my replies. The stories about drunk drivers killing loved ones hit me the hardest. I felt a lot of guilt realizing what I did and went into a depression spiral. I think everything I bottled up came out, and I quit my job. * I emailed the AA group leader with a lengthy apology. She was upset, of course, but was very kind. I’m banned from AA, but she matched me with someone to talk to * I texted my brother’s ex with an apology and an offer to meet up in person. She didn’t reply for a few days. Eventually she did, and said that she acknowledges, but she also went in on me and went into detail about how much pain I caused her. She said she cannot forgive me yet. * I talked to my lawyer, we’re trying to figure out the logistics of a guilty plea without conviction, because he thinks that what I did in AA may affect my case. I’ll likely get my license revoked and have to pay a fine. * I’m currently jobless, and I’m probably going to move back in with my parents until I can be better * There is also a tweet going around saying someone knows me and outed me to my brother... this did not happen. This person was trying to capitalize on a messed up situation for internet points. My brother and I have never met nor interacted with this person. At the moment, I am still very depressed. I’m trying to right my wrongs but I don’t think I can ever do that. However, I think that this was going to come eventually and the thread didn’t make me depressed, it was the consequences of my own actions. Thank you for helping me see the pain I was causing before it was too late. **Edit: I’m not banned from AA in general just the AA meeting I went to.**   ***Replies from OOP in Comment to the post*** >I was asked to not come back but not for AA in general. > >I contacted a lady with an official position who said we could contact her for anything, she never said the word banned but I took her words to mean I wasn’t allowed back in that group. > >My lawyer said that the fact I stopped attending meetings and don’t want to attend will hurt me. > >AA isn’t for me, I won’t be attending other meetings after my experience with this one, I rather do 1 on 1.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for telling my brother I met his new girlfriend at an AA meeting?

CONCLUDED

Mist0fCapricorn

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17duf64/aita_for_telling_my_brother_i_met_his_new/

17e09mq

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/sethborf **in** r/relationship_advice mood spoilers: >!wholesome!<   [**My (m34) wife (f32) has been cutting the strings off my pajama pants and she won’t admit to it. Not sure why?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1755pn6/my_m34_wife_f32_has_been_cutting_the_strings_off/) \- October 11th, 2023 For background sake, we have been married for 10 years. This behavior is pretty recent.This really isn’t that bad but I was hoping someone could have an explanation? Because I ask her about this and she just denies it but we don’t have kids so it can only be her.In the last year or so, I’ve been discovering the tie strings for my pajama pants have been disappearing. It can only be her removing these because we don’t have kids and I’m the only one who actually has to leave the house to go to work, so she’s alone in the house a lot. Her pants still have all their strings but none of mine do. I have bought more pants to replace the ones with missing strings but those eventually go missing too.We have a good relationship, and idk why she denies it when I ask about it. It’s really not that big of a deal so I don’t really press the issue. It’s just really bizarre. She is a bit of a prankster and so am I. But idk what the point of the prank is if this is indeed some sort of practical joke.Does anyone else have any experience with this sort of thing?   *All updates were made in the post within the next 48 hours.* **UPDATE 1** Ok so I just got home and checked inside the waistbands of all my pajama pants. I only have 5 of them so it didn’t take long. No strings in them so they definitely didn’t retract. I need to get some sleep so I’ll check the washer drum and filter when I wake up.   **UPDATE 2** Someone in the comments suggested maybe my cat had been taking them out and hiding them since cats tend to have hiding spots. One of his is under the couch. I just checked and I found one there. It’s just one but it’s a start! I’m going to check his other spots too.   **UPDATE 3** Ok so when my wife woke up I told her about finding a string in our cat’s hiding spot. She was amused and wanted to help me look at his other spots for them too. Well, none of his other known spots had them. But, she noticed something weird about the back of our other couch. It had a small hole in the bottom of it. I shined a flashlight in the hole and found a whole bunch of random stuff in there! We took the cushion off this section of the couch and cut a hole next to the spring and VOILA! We found his true secret stash! ALL MY STRINGS WERE THERE! Not only that but we found pretty much all of my wife’s missing smaller squishmallows and her missing AirPods. We even found a missing pendant that we’ve been trying to find for years! I’m going to buy her a box of chocolate.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My (m34) wife (f32) has been cutting the strings off my pajama pants and she won’t admit to it. Not sure why?

CONCLUDED

polisciprincess_

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17e09mq/my_m34_wife_f32_has_been_cutting_the_strings_off/

17ebm9n

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/BurningBurner1600 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH and his own profile **AITAH for breaking up with my pregnant girlfriend because I don’t want to be a father?** Trigger Warnings: >!mentions of abortion, emotional manipulation, baby trapping, denial of healthcare, refusing parenthood!< --- **Editor's Note: OOP has posted his Update #1 which is below the original post** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15idrxb/aitah_for_breaking_up_with_my_pregnant_girlfriend/) - **August 4, 2023** AITA for breaking up with my pregnant girlfriend because I don’t want to be a father. I (25M) had been with my now ex (23F) for a little over 3 months. I always made sure we used lots of precaution when having sex. She was on birth control and I always used condoms. I wanted to avoid a child. I have known for a long time that I do not want children. I find them annoying and they would severely limit my ability to do the things I enjoy (traveling, outdoors stuff, etc.). Unfortunately for me, my ex didn’t have her period when she was supposed to and it turns out she’s now pregnant. She came to me and told me she was pregnant. The first thing I did was suggest an abortion. We don’t live in a state where it’s legal so I offered to pay for her flight and hotel and told her I’d be happy to come with her to get it done. I have a stable job and make good money so it isn’t wouldn’t be too much of a hit for me. She works as a receptionist and doesn’t make a lot so I figured it would be better for me to pay. That’s when she told me she was hoping to keep it and that she wanted me to help her raise the kid as it’s father. I have no intention of being a father. Beyond just my dislike of children, I’m not ready for that. I made it very clear that I didn’t want the baby, but she kept insisting that I’d have a change of heart once it’s born and to just try it out. After a long exchange I told her that if she intended to keep the baby I would not act as a father. I broke up with her and told her that I would pay child support once it’s born, but that I expect her to respect my wishes and keep the child away from me. Since then she’s been frantically texting me, begging me to come back and telling me she’d forgive me. She’s sent me voicemails crying, it does hurt to see, but I haven’t responded. The other day she texted me saying how she can’t raise the kid alone and how I’m basically forcing her to get the abortion just by leaving. She called me an asshole, an abuser, and a sexist. She ended the text begging me to talk again. I certainly feel shitty, I really liked her and we had a good relationship before this, but I just don’t want to be a father. I’m already bitter about the fact that I’ll have to pay child support for 18 years, which will somewhat limit me financially. I also feel it isn’t right for a parent who doesn’t want their child to be involved. I’d just end up taking that pent up anger and bitterness out on the child who is ultimately innocent, which I feel isn’t right. With all this said I come here to ask, AITA? I certainly feel like one, but I also stand by what I did. Clarifying edits: On the topic of a vasectomy, I tried. I met with a doctor last year and asked about getting one, but he refused and said every doctor he knows won’t do it until you’re at least 30. It’s a conservative state and while I dislike the politics, I was born and raised here so I’m still attached to the state and have never felt the urge to leave. Someone said I should have flown elsewhere to get one, and I guess they’re right but I just didn’t think about that. On the topic of birth control, I bought the condoms myself so they were fine. Whenever we were done I’d throw used condoms I’m the dumpster so I don’t think she went dumpster diving. I asked her on our first date if she was taking birth control and she said yes, I took her for her word. Maybe foolish to just believe her, but if she was lying she’d be the first I’ve met to lie about that. Most girls I’ve met are honest about it. I assumed she was on the pill since that’s the main birth control I know, but maybe she was on something else that I’m not educated enough on. That being said, I’ll follow your advice and lawyer up + get a paternity test. IDK how long that will take, but whenever I get it done I’ll update here with results. Thank you for your judgements, I’ve been away for a bit but I’m catching up and trying to read what I can. I’ll be checking back periodically and replying to some people, all further feedback is appreciated. **Update 1:** I have hired one of the better family court lawyers in my state. She has someone representing her pro bono. It has been made clear to my ex and her representative that she is not to contact me personally and that all contact will go through my lawyer from now on. A paternity test is scheduled for next Wednesday. I don’t know how long it will take to get results, but the test is happening. If the child is mine we will go to court to determine child support payments and will set up the process for me to sign away my rights. Another clarifying edit: I was gone for a while and while reading through some comments I have found a topic I’d like ti clarify for anyone left who still checks here and cares. At the beginning I said I made sure to use lots of precautions. I had thought people would take away from that the idea that I had made my intention to not have kids clear at the beginning. Just wanted to make that clear. She told me she wasn’t looking to have kids. I should have been more clear about this I guess. I was under the assumption that she didn’t want kids, which is why I was blindsided by her change of heart once she was actually pregnant. I understand it happens, feeling change or whatever, but for me it was a big shock. When I go to get the paternity test started she will also have an ultrasound and we’ll talk then. I’ll update on Wednesday. BTW the text will take a few days to process so I’ll also update with results. **Update 2:** Reddit isn’t letting me out the full update here, so for further updates please check my comments. &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Commentator asks about providing emotional support and getting back together with the ex** > **OP:** I don’t want to give her emotional support and lead her on. If I’m around she’ll think I plan to get back together and be a present father which I don’t want. She should know I don’t want the kid, that way she’s more likely to go through with an abortion or adoption. I also don’t want to be present for the birth for similar reasons. Plus I’m pretty certain that even if I did change my mind on the kid I wouldn’t want to be with her. She expects me to get back together with her to raise the kid, but if I did end up seeing the kid and wanting her I’d have to go through some annoying legal procedure to try and secure joint custody or something. That is a mess in so many ways that it isn’t worth suffering through. I’m still certain I don’t want the kid, but if I suddenly changed my mind to want the kid and then didn’t get any custody that would be pretty depressing. I’d rather just stay unattached and deal with any regrets I have later. **Commentator asks about his family, their support, and the future** > **OP:** There’s a lot to unpack here, so I’ll try to go piece by piece. Obviously what you’ve experienced is very difficult, so I’m sorry about that. I’m glad you found yourself. > >About my parents, yes they want grandkids. They have been hounding me ever since I turned 20 about when I’m gonna give them grandkids. I’ve already told them I don’t want kids and my sister is lesbian so they’re really disappointed at this point. If they found out about the kid and that I was leaving they would be furious so I’m just not telling them. > >About how I’ll feel in the future, I honestly cannot say 100%. I know that right now I 100% don’t want kids, and I’m going off that feeling to assume how I’ll feel in the future will be the same. Everyone lives with some level of regret, so I’ve come to peace with the idea that if I end up regretting this I’ll just have to move on and live with that like everyone else. If for some reason I felt regret I wouldn’t try to contact the kid, I’d just keep it to myself and keep chugging along like usual. If the kid does find me one day I’ll just be honest depending on how I’m feeling. Either “I was 25 and I didn’t want kids and I still don’t, sorry” or “I was 25 and I thought I didn’t want kids, I wasn’t ready, it’s been one of the biggest regrets of my life and I’m sorry” depending on how I’m feeling (most likely the former). > >I don’t know what gave you the impression that I’ve softened to the idea of having kids. I still firmly don’t want kids. I just feel pity for the child, cus it isn’t really their fault. I don’t exactly feel good about leaving the child on a moral level, but on a personal level of what is best for me I feel very confident in leaving. It’s certainly a selfish decision, but I’ve been very upfront with the fact that I’m a selfish person. I feel bad about it, but I’m putting myself and my own personal needs first in this situation by doing what I think is best for me. ***apprehensive_cactus:** It's extremely unlikely than she would give up the baby once she's already got the child in her arms and goes through the process. It's extremely emotional and we're wired to take care of our young. Chances of her giving up the baby are like...2%.* *She really needs to stop hoping you're all going to be a happy family someday because this is awful for her self esteem. She CAN be happy as a single mother, even if it's very hard. Does she have family willing to help? Her own parents? Motherhood is a huge adjustment and doing it with 0 support is awful. PPD is not a joke. She can totally do this without you - but it would be a lot better if she had at least some support from her family.* > **OP:** I don’t know that much about her family, haven’t met them, just heard bits and pieces. Apparently her dad has some drinking issues and her mom is pretty closed off. They live in a different city too. That’s about the extent of what I know, but I doubt they’d be able to help her much. ***Alternative_Ad5613:** I would consider locking down that pathway before she realizes it could lead to your mom. You know blocking her before she sees your mom comment on a post and making everything go through a lawyer. By the sounds of it if she makes contact with them it sounds they definitely take her side the matter. You definitely have contact with your ex and her child because your family will be involved. Am not saying you need them but I feel like within 18 years they'll know especially considering how the at home DNA test and programs are. Either way that's doesn't change my mind on you. Your making right call here and now balls in your ex's court.* *I don't know if you're considering.moving cities but if you should to increase the odds of you having no contact. I live near and work in a city of 1.5 million people and I still have made contact with people I never thought I would again.* > **OP:** I don’t have a Facebook so my mom doesn’t comment on my posts, but I’ll take the advice and block my ex. I have a good job and I like my apartment a lot, so I don’t plan on moving from my city. Even if I see them, I plan to get some sort of legal agreement signed through my lawyer prohibiting direct contact so hopefully they’d just have to ignore me if they saw me. --- &nbsp; **Editor's Note: The second update was posted twice, in the comment box and later onto his own profile. Also added spaces to make the post readable** [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/user/BurningBurner1600/comments/16b3mff/update_2/) - **September 5, 2023** Sorry for the lateness, but I got the test done and the results are in. The baby is a girl and is indeed mine. When I saw my ex I had a talk with her. We talked about birth control, and she told me she was on birth control and had no intention of having children, but once she found out she was pregnant she changed her mind. I believe her. She was hopeful that I would come around to that perspective, so I made it very clear that I will not be part of the child’s life and gave her 3 options. Option 1, get an abortion in any state of her choosing and I’ll pay for her to stay there for a week, so she could basically take a vacation to Hawaii or NYC or LA on my dime, but I need to come with and get confirmation that she had the abortion. Option 2, put the child up for adoption and I’ll pay for all the medical expenses that come with having a child. Option 3, keep the child and I pay my court ordered child support, sign away my parental rights, have my name taken off the birth certificate, and have absolutely 0 involvement with her or the child beyond my monthly payments. It was a tough conversation and she didn’t take it well, she ended up crying for a while. She kept telling me that I would be a loving and kind dad, asking me to try fatherhood and think about how well our relationship was going before this happened, and to imagine our future together with a daughter. I told her I’m still firmly against fatherhood and she was devastated. She refuses to get an abortion, but is scared to be a single mother at 23 even though she wants the child. She told me that if I’m with her during the birth, see and hold the child, but still feel nothing for the baby after all that then she will consider adoption. She also said if I change my mind about fatherhood she will be waiting with open arms to enjoy parenthood together as a loving family and would hope I’d propose. I have made it very clear I don’t want any involvement. I’m not sure what I should do since I would prefer for the baby to be put up for adoption rather than have to pay child support for 18 long years, but I also don’t want to be around the baby at all or present during the birth. Advice is appreciated. All further updates will be posted to my account like this. &nbsp; **DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED** **SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED** **Editor’s note: The latest update has screenshots, but the full story is in the comments** [Update #3](https://www.reddit.com/user/BurningBurner1600/comments/17g8u5q/update_3/) - **October 25, 2023** Finally back with another update. Over the past few days I’ve gotten a new influx of advice. Some of this advice has been helpful or interesting. Some really good ideas were given to me, so I set up a lunch with my ex yesterday and we had a long and productive chat. It was the 1st time we had talked in over a month, all our communication had been through lawyers. I decided the best way to ensure the conversation was productive was to set ground rules and make sure we were operating from reality. Both of us haven’t been being realistic. I told her that I was giving up on abortion or adoption, it was what I wanted but I already know it isn’t gonna happen at this point. My ex wants the baby, I know she does, and I told her I know. I won’t be bringing up abortion or adoption to her again, it just isn’t worthwhile. I have to work within reality, and at this point that means under the assumption that she will keep the baby. I also told her it’s time for her to give up on me. I made it very clear to her that I will not be getting back together with her no matter what, even if she aborts the baby. She will never have the happy family with me that she wants. I made it clear she needs to drop the idea because it won’t happen and it makes it impossible to find any real solutions to this situation. She acknowledged that there will be no happy family between us. I think reality has finally set in for both of us at this point. Nobody is going to get what they want, so it’s time to compromise. The new goal that we have agreed upon is this: Provide my ex and our daughter with the support that they desperately need right now while also allowing me to have 0 involvement with raising the child. In other words: I will not be involved in raising the child whatsoever, but will try to give my ex the resources she needs to make sure the child has a good life. I won’t be in the delivery room and I will never see her, I will simply provide money. My ex has 25K in student debt that she needs to pay off, she is only making around $60K/year from her job, and she will be a single mother which means child expenses and such. By contrast I only have around 10K in student debt left to pay off and after a little over 2 years working at the company I’m at I just got a promotion and significant pay raise so I’m now making roughly 150K/year. Additionally there is plenty of room for further growth in my field, with income growth potential all the way up to 325K/year, although that is still pretty far off in the future. I don’t say any of this to brag, just to put our situations in perspective. I’ll have all my debts paid off by the end of 2025, plus I’ve been setting aside money into a savings account and investment funds. What I’m trying to say is I have money and she doesn’t, so I will be making up for my lack of presence with significant financial support. I would prefer to avoid court, so I worked with my ex to find a fair monetary support system. All of what comes next is a handshake agreement between the 2 of us, if someone has a problem they can go to court and determine child support that way. We talked for a while about what a fair payment system would look like and this is what we decided on. I will pay for all of my ex’s medical expenses that come with her carrying the baby including doctors visits and hospital bills. When the baby is born I will pay my ex 2K/month in child support to pay for the child’s expenses. This will leave my ex with breathing room and allow her to continue paying off her student debt. We don’t have exact math, but our estimate we found using phone calculators was that it would probably take her between 6-8 more years to pay off all her student debt. Once she has paid all her debt off, the monthly child support payment will drop to $1K/month. If my ex finds a man who she marries and takes on the role of a father to the child then my child support payments will stop since he will be able to provide an extra income stream. Additionally, I will create a savings account that my ex will be able to see. Starting the day the baby is born I will deposit $500 into the account. I will then deposit $500 into the account on the 1st day of the month, every month, until the girl turns 18. At that point she will be given access to the account as a college fund. Based on the math we did the account will have roughly $108K in it, not including interest. I don’t know how much college will cost by then, but that should be a significant help for her to pay for college. If she decides not to go to college I will empty the fund into my personal savings account, so she only gets the money if she attends college. The fund has another condition on it, but I’ll get to that later. Beyond money, my ex and the child will need emotional support. This is where my lovely sister comes in. She and her wife love kids, they had been looking into adoption for a few months now. Based on another comment I got (which I cannot find anymore and it’s driving me crazy, I think whoever wrote it deleted it) from a woman whose brother was in a similar situation. The woman decided to take on an active role and helped his ex raise the child of her own volition because she liked kids. Knowing my sister was already interested in raising a child with her wife, I reached out and asked her if she would be interested in helping my ex. She was very excited about the prospect if my ex wound have her. I asked my ex what she thought and she said yes. My sister and her wife will act as a support system for my ex. When they have time they will help my ex with things like babysitting, giving her any advice she needs, or just being there for her to talk to. They’ll also be extra family for the child, helping make things like birthdays and holidays special. This is where the 2nd condition for the college fund comes in. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, my sister is lesbian. I’ve gotten many questions asking why I don’t want my parents involved with the child, let me answer them. My sister came out at 14, from then on she was the scum of the Earth in our house. My parents are extremely religious and very homophobic, so as soon as she came out they hated her. No more birthdays, no more Christmas, no more family dinners. They gave her the absolute bare minimum necessities to survive and then left her alone otherwise. Obviously it was extremely toxic, what the did was awful, and my sister has rightly gone no contact with them. My 2nd condition for the college fund is that my ex cannot tell them about the child or let them meet her. What they want most in the world is grandchildren, and I will not give them that joy. My ex has my sister’s help and support, so she doesn’t need my parents. I made it clear that if I ever find out about her visiting them with the child there will be no college fund. Finally I want to talk about me writing a letter. Based on advice from someone whose father came back and then left, they told me not to come back but to write a letter to my daughter as closure. I don’t want to come back, so I thought it was a great idea. The letter will explain why I’m not around and this whole situation. I’m going to be truthful but try to also be gentle in the letter. The goal is to make it clear that I didn’t leave because of a particular hatred towards her, but just because I never wanted to be a father in the 1st place. I’ll also include something about how hard her mother tried to make me reconsider and how much her mother loves her. I’ll end it by wishing her good luck in life. The letter will be officially notarized and will be signed by both me and my ex. When she turns 18, if she has questions about me and wants them answered my ex will give her the letter. If the letter still can’t satisfy her and she wants further answers I’ve given permission for her to talk to me in person. I feel I owe it to her to answer her questions in person if that’s what she needs for closure. My ex also felt strongly about wanting my name on the birth certificate, so I’ve agreed to that. In summary: My ex will keep the child, I will provide child support payments, I will provide a college fund on the condition that the child goes to college and my parents are never involved in this situation, my sister and her wife will help my ex by acting as an extra support system for her, and I will write a letter to my daughter explaining why I am not present that will be given to her only if she wants it as a way for her to gain closure. Full thing won’t post in comments so I’ll post it in chunks. BTW this will likely be my last update, things are mostly figured out. Thank you for all the advice and help. Also for anyone who hasn’t seen I’ll be getting a vasectomy in Colorado in February 2024. I’d already said so, but I’ll put it here too. &nbsp; **OP’s text below the screenshots:** I wrote out this whole update on Reddit and was given error messages saying it couldn’t be posted, so I copy and pasted it and then screen shotted. Sorry it’s inconvenient, but this is the only way I could post this. I’ve split the paragraphs up and they are in order so hopefully it isn’t too annoying to read. I’ll also post the full text in the comments if Reddit will allow me to. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITAH for breaking up with my pregnant girlfriend because I don’t want to be a father?

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ebm9n/aitah_for_breaking_up_with_my_pregnant_girlfriend/

17ebosm

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Impossible-Stuff-119 **Step dad unearthed my time capsule** **Originally posted to r/AITAH** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ACRt3Mt2df)  **Oct 14, 2023** Hello all, this is my first post so bear with me. Here’s the back story: When the clock hit midnight on the year 2000 all the members of my family and extended family were there. We all signed a paper and each put something into a time capsule. Shortly after, my grandfather passed away from a brain tumor. I was 9 at the time and my grandmother and I buried the time capsule behind the headstone at the cemetery. She told me to take it out in 10 years and have a look. No one else was there for that. I don’t remember much of what was put in there because I was so young. 2010 came and went and I didn’t feel like taking it out yet. Not much had happened in 10 years so I wanted to wait longer. Fast forward to 2022. My grandmother died after living a long and full life. I disclosed to my family about the time capsule when we were at the graveyard and it seemed like my step dad took interest (parents were divorced and mom married him 2008). I confirmed it was still there by poking a small wooden stake in the ground and poked around till I hit something solid. Decided it was still too early and wanted to wait longer. Today I got a picture in the family chat showing him unearthing the time capsule my mom and him took a trip to the cemetery) I was pissed and still haven’t responded. I don’t know how to go about this. I don’t know if I should tell him how much it meant to me to be the one to take it out. Or should I just brush it off. It’s one of those things I think about every once in a while and get more excited as time goes on. I don’t even remember what I put in there. Could have been a toy car or whatever. But I don’t know. Am I an asshole for being upset about this? Thank you in advance. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **trailmix_pprof** >You're NTA for having the feelings that you have. But could become an AH depending on how you handle and express those feelings. From here out, I'd focus on what do you want to get out of the situation now? Do you want to see everything that was in the time capsule? Or would you like them to re-wrap it up and you can have a surprise later? **OOP replied** >>Thank you for you reply. I agree with you. My step dad and I have a great relationship and he’s been there for me. I don’t think he intended to cause harm or anything. Just think curiosity got the better of him. Yeah I’d like to see everything in there now. What’s done is done and I don’t feel like turning this into a mess will make anything better in the long run. I don’t want them to re bury it. I think I was more excited to go there eventually and unearth it myself. (It’s in another state) [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/NcCoMDag0m)  **Oct 16, 2023** Hello all! I figured I’d post an update on what transpired. To those who didn’t read my first post: basically I buried a time capsule with my grandma 23 years ago after my grandpas death. A year ago when she passed I disclosed to my family about the time capsule and how I wasn’t ready to take it out yet. A few days ago I got a text with a picture showing my step dad exhuming my time capsule from behind my grandparents headstone. I was a mess for a few days. I was trying to figure out why it bothered me so much that he did that without my permission. There is so much hurt going on recently in the world and this was such a small thing in the big picture. But I had been waiting for that moment most of my life and it was taken away from me. I am a very calm person and it takes a lot to get to me. I don’t know if it was the sum total of stressors in life and anger that I’ve bottled up over the years. But I was honestly considering calling off thanksgiving with them over this. Crazy. So basically I sent a text to my step dad saying that I was very upset that he took it out of the ground without my permission. Instead of apologizing he said he thought I would be happy that he found it and was just trying to locate it for me. ( I knew exactly where it was since I was 9 and I never asked for help finding it) I told him that I was not happy about it at all and that it meant a lot to me and the moment has been ruined. He then told me that he will put it exactly where it was. And in his words “no harm no foul”. He didn’t apologize at this point. So I decided to not reply and continue stewing. I just got a text from him saying that he sincerely apologizes for what he did and that his intention was to map out exactly where it was for me to find in the future. When he took it out of the ground he found that the seal had corroded and sand/dirt was inside. So he was going to take it out because it had been compromised. I need to let go of the feelings I had over this. I have no idea why it brought me from 0 to 10 so fast. I’m going to forgive him and let it go. I’m only hurting myself and my relationship with my stepdad by blowing this up. However, I will not be disclosing anything like this to him again. My sweet wife was so supportive and said that we can make our own time capsule for our daughter (born this year) to dig up years from now. That made it much better for me. Thank you all for your support. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Step dad unearthed my time capsule

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ebosm/step_dad_unearthed_my_time_capsule/

17ebq8e

**I am still not the Original Poster. That's still** [u/Scared-Weakness-6250](https://www.reddit.com/user/Scared-Weakness-6250/). **New Update marked with \*\*\*\*\*** I removed some of the previous comments included in the last posts for brevity. You can find the most recent BORU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16mgs9s/hey_its_a_new_update_to_aita_for_jumping_out_of/), and one with full comments [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16baa7d/new_update_aita_for_jumping_out_of_the_way_when/). **Mood Spoiler:** >!things are actually looking better for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/156xijb/aita_for_jumping_out_of_the_way_when_my_niece_and/?sort=old)**: July 22, 2023 (Removed from AITA, preserved in comments)** Happened today. My folks decided to host a barbeque because I guess that's what older people do. I declined because I really don't like my two sisters, their husbands or their kids (wife and I are child free). Mom then pressured the wife. Long story short, we went. By the time we arrived there were about 20 people there. My sisters and their husbands were already solidly buzzed. Drunk really. My mom was spending 100% of her time trying to keep the nieces & nephews (ages 7 to 11) more or less under control. My dad had strategically retreated to the whirlpool part of the pool with small cooler full of beers. Wife and I made small talk with miscellaneous people, ate food and had a frozen margarita. Sisters/BILs took turns criticizing us for being late, not being in our swimsuits and screwing up the vibe. Whatever. Typical suburban summer get together. About 45 minutes in two of the kids ran at one of the neighbor guests who was standing next to the pool and pushed her in. She was at the pool steps, stumbled in but didn't fall so only got half wet. She was clearly very unhappy about it but she didn't make a scene, just went over to where the parents were, grabbed their towels, dried herself off and left. Sisters and BILs thought it was all great fun. A bit later I was standing a few feet away from the pool chatting away with someone. I saw three of the kids running full tilt at me from the corner of my eye. Obviously I was next. Not that it's terribly difficult to outwit young kids but I just jumped out of their way at the last second. All three of them ran straight into the pool at full speed. Most of the other guests (including my wife and me) started laughing but their moms - who as I mentioned were pretty shitfaced - absolutely freaked out. Apparently two of the kids couldn't swim even though they were in swimsuits. Since I wasn't in swim gear I stepped back from the pool and let other people fish the kids out. The kids were bawling their heads off like they'd lost a limb. At that point all hell broke loose. The four drunk parents were yelling at everyone in general and me in particular for "nearly letting their kids drown" and also because two of the kids had been videoing the trick using their parents' iPhones, which were now at the bottom of the pool. One of my BILs got into the pool to try to retrieve the phones but his BMI and BAC made that impossible. No one else volunteered to help, unsurprising given that my sisters were still bitching at everyone. I told my sisters it was their job to watch the their kids and that if anything had happened to them it would have been their responsibility not mine. There were some pretty strong words on both sides. Wife and I left after the other BIL fell over and face planted while yelling at us. Now they're saying I should have let the little shits knock me into the pool and have their fun (and ruin my phone). So... AITA? Side note: Dad, of course, never got out of the whirlpool. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More about why OOP doesn't care for some of his family:* "It's more of an oil and water sort of thing. I've never been close to my sisters, they're 8 and 10 years older than me. I also don't have much in common with their husbands. They're OK guys but I just don't give a crap about the things that are important to them and vice versa. I do know that the four of them are somewhat envious of our lifestyle. Both the sisters are stay at home moms. Both the husbands make good money - one makes noticeably more than I do - but both my wife and I have professional careers, we don't have kids and we're way more responsible with money. As a result we have a lot more investments, etc. and we don't have to drive cars full of kid debris and we take nice trips once or twice a year. It definitely grates on both sisters and by extension their husbands. So we get some petty behavior from them on an ongoing basis. Overall neither my wife nor I enjoy their company which is why I wanted to skip the get together. Just not worth it to me. But my wife is a positive person and is usually happy to see them." *Kids ok?* "The kids are fine, by the time I left they were inside watching TV. I think they're 7, 9, 10, 10, and 11. It was the middle three who played kamikaze with me. I'm guessing the 11 year old egged them on, she's usually the ringleader." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15u2n72/update_aita_for_jumping_out_of_the_way_when_my/)**: August 17, 2023 (Almost 1 month later)** First off, my folks tell me that my nieces and nephews are all good swimmers and that they use the pool all the time. The 7 year old is still a beginner but he loves the water. My sister just said they couldn't swim so I'd look bad. To be fair none of the kids are allowed in the deep end which is where they fell in. It was the two 10 year olds and the 9 year old who tried to push me into the pool. After we left the party ended on a pretty sour note. My drunk brother in law who face planted while yelling at me had to go to an urgent care place and get his face stitched up. He was too toasted to drive so Dad took him. Dad was very not happy about this. Late that evening my sisters started a group text and said some really nasty crap. Their husbands threw in a few comments as well. Wife and I blocked the four of them. My mom called me, she was pretty upset about what they said (she and dad were in the chat) and I don't blame her. Because of the texts my folks insisted my sisters / BILs come over the next day (Sunday) without their kids to "get some things straight and lay down some ground rules" (mom's wording). The result was a contrite if unenthusiastic apology from the siblings via my mom's phone. I'm glad my wife was with me when they called - her hard stares kept me from saying what I wanted to. I just told them thanks and that we felt no need to discuss it further. Since I thought things were settled I unblocked them. That evening I got a text from one of the BILs telling me the phones cost $XXXX and asking when I'd be paying for them. WTF??? I replied "Never", took a screenshot of his text and forwarded it to my folks with a note that we were done with this nonsense, were going no contact with sisters / spouses and not to invite us to any more holidays or get togethers if they'll be present. Then I blocked the sisters and their spouses again. At that point the shit really hit the fan. Dad called them and ripped them a new one. Among other things he told them the grandkids were not welcome at his place indefinitely. Since my mom regularly provides free babysitting that got them pretty rattled. He also banned them from using the vacation house and told them my wife and I actually own it, not he and mom. This completely freaked them out - both of my sisters' / families use the place a lot including having their friends up for weekend getaways. This was very much out of character for my folks. They'd clearly had it. And for reference, I never wanted my sisters to know we own the place. We bought it for my folks, they'd always wanted a place in the mountains. Keeping the ownership quiet was just a way to avoid drama with my siblings. A couple of days later my sisters and their husbands came to our place unannounced to apologize in person. We were were out to dinner and they left a note. One sister also called me at work too, I sent her to voicemail. We've decided being no contact is the best thing for the indefinite future and haven't interacted with them for the last 3+ weeks. Personally I'm done, they can go pound sand. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How life has been:* "It's been less than a month but I have to say that blocking them has actually made our lives noticeably more peaceful. I hadn't realized how much ongoing low level drama they create. It's not toxic, they're not bad people, they're just tiresome and petty. And I personally don't care about them using the weekend place. It's ours technically, but we bought it for my folks, they control it and decide who uses it when they aren't (we pay for all the operating costs and taxes). One good thing about this blow up is that we now know what we'll be doing with the property when my folks get older. I was prepared to take over managing it, allocating weekends, maintaining it and such, but now we know we'll just sell it and if we want to go to the mountains we'll just rent an Airbnb." *OOP's parents:* "Yeah, my folks aren't dumb. They're pretty laid back though, very much live and let live. I figure they'll ease up on all of this soon but that's their decision. We still won't be attending any family events for the foreseeable future. What sucks for my sisters is that they're probably very worried that I'll keep them from using the cabin (I won't, that's up to mom and dad until they are older). And it puts an end to one of the sisters' fantasy of building a "compound" of houses when "we" inherit the property, which I've known about for some time and had just ignored. Normally the lots up there are only have one area that can be built on, but this piece of property is way larger because it's at the end of a road. At least three houses with great views could be placed on that land." *One fun note on why OOP's post was removed from AITA:* "According to the message I just read from the other sub's moderator the violence was "Property damage". I still don't get it. The phones being ruined I guess? Ridiculous." **Update 2** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Scared-Weakness-6250/comments/16266ru/update_2/)**: August 26, 2023 (9 days from previous post)** Update to the update (August 26, 2023, a week after the update): Well, it's been an interesting last few days. I thought the shit had hit the fan before but it was more of a fart compared to what's happened this week. For this to make sense I need to provide some financial context. My folks haven't ever been any good at saving money (I've been doing their taxes for years so I know pretty much everything about them moneywise). Their house is paid for and they have minimal debt but they didn't save much for retirement. Both of them get Social Security, dad gets a solid pension and they have a bit of savings but there's no treasure chest in the basement. I bought their current car for them after they retired a retirement present so they could have something nice to drive; it was the first car in probably 20 years they didn't lease. My sisters are convinced the folks are dripping with money and that our parents will be leaving the two of them everything since I don't need more money, so they've never cared about saving either. Turns out my oldest sister and her husband (they have three kids) have been living beyond their means for some time and are in financial straits. They've maxxed out their credit cards and are behind on their car leases to the point that one is about to get repossessed. He'd bragged in the past about making X per year but it turns out to be about half that. She confessed all this to mom on Tuesday because they need a loan and because (and this was a WTF moment for mom and dad) that for the last three years instead of staying at the vacation house regularly she's actually been renting it out once a month or so and pocketing the cash - we're talking $2000+ for a weekend and at least $4000 for a week. With her being cut off from using the place she's had to cancel one group already. She's now worried they'll lose everything. My folks aren't in any position to give them a loan. My other sister was aware of her renting out the place but of course hasn't ever said anything. I suspect she's done the same thing as well because I went up there once to drop off an ATV I'd had worked on and there was a family there who claimed to be staying there with my sister / her family and that they'd "gone to town for something". At the time I let it go - I figured she'd loaned out the house to some friends. But I've always wondered. I found all this out through my folks who are pretty stressed out about it, mom more than dad, he's mainly just pissed off about it all. I know dad feels betrayed. And I imagine he's embarrassed that he's in no position to help his daughter out. He did reiterate that as long as it's up to him the girls won't be using the vacation home anytime soon. My folks let me know what's going on because they figured my sisters would put a full court press on me next. And they were right. On Thursday my sisters came to our place again (without husbands this time) and waited outside the door until I got home. I had to choose between fighting with them in public, them making a scene if I went in without them or letting them in so I let them in. I got a bullshit story from the older sister with the younger one backing her up regarding why I needed to let them use the mountain place again immediately. They also said I've been a shitty brother and that I needed to "step up" and plan on paying for their kids' college tuitions since "that's what family does". I let them pitch their story then called them out based on what my folks had told me. Things went to shit from there. There was denial, crying, cursing, yelling, you name it. I swear my ears are still ringing two days later. Won't lie - I said some really mean and shitty things to them but nothing that wasn't true. They finally left after about an hour. After that I took a shower and laid down. When I got up my wife was home and her first words were that she'd had to block more phone numbers because my sisters were blowing up our phones from new ones. Folks messaged me yesterday asking me to call. I'm sure my sisters have told them some bullshit version of what happened but I'm not up to rehashing it yet. I'm usually a pretty energetic person but this drama has me beaten down. I had just enough energy today to drive up to the vacation house and padlock the entrance gate shut. I'm the only one with a key. I'm guessing that will be enough to ensure my siblings leave the place alone, they'd probably die trying to walk 400 yards uphill to get to the house. **Update 3** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Scared-Weakness-6250/comments/16h06o1/update_3/)**: September 12, 2023 (2.5 weeks from last update)** September 12, 2023... Yet another update regarding the cluster f that is my extended family. Thought it might be time given what's gone on over the past two weeks. After my sisters came to my place my mom and dad told me they were done with managing the vacation home. Sounded like the sisters had been pressuring them to let them use the place again. Basically my folks handed the responsibility for place over to me and told me it was my problem from here on out. Up until then they'd kept track of who would be using it when and they'd taken care of routine maintenance, replacing worn out items, etc. In any case they decided they didn't want to be in the middle of all this crap. While I don't blame them I'm disappointed because the damn place was supposed to be something for them to enjoy and hang out in and they use it regularly. Plus I've never cared that they let my sisters and their families use it, because really I've always thought that was my parents' call even though I technically own it. But now my folks are going to be in the position of not having access without me being involved and that changes the whole dynamic of the place. I've taken several steps to secure the place. I already mentioned that I locked the gate, it has a heavy duty chain and the best lock I could find. I also did a full reset on all the door keypads and created all new codes. Security cameras got installed yesterday, which is actually pretty cool because the installer convinced me to put a high res one that looks out over the valley. The system cost me way more than I thought it would but the peace of mind is worth it. The installer also put up signs on the property saying the place was monitored by video. I also installed a heavy duty lockout for the water shutoff / drain valve. I hope to hell I don't lose the keys for it because if I do it's going to be a bear to try to remove. Haven't told anyone but my wife that the water is locked off and again, only we have the keys. Last week I got separate calls at my office from both of the husbands trying to convince me to let them use the house "like they always have". The older one had gone up with some friends for a guy's hangout but couldn't get in because of the gate lock. He was pretty pissed and embarrassed about being locked out, I'm sure he would have broken the lock if he could have. During his call he kept bouncing between pushy and victimhood. At one point he threatened to "rip that gate outta the goddamn ground". He also admitted they'd been renting it out to "a few friends", that they needed the money, I was ruining their "business" and that I should refund their guests' money (Me?? F that). I should have recorded the conversation with him but I don't know how to do that from an office phone anyway. The other BIL just sounded like he was being made to call by my sister, he didn't really put up a fight when I told him not to plan on ever using the place again. In any case I told them they can't use the place and not to ask again. At this point I'm considering selling the vacation home. Wife and I won't use it enough to justify keeping it and it's not like there's going to be any family get togethers there anytime soon. I mentioned selling it to my folks, their response was pretty much "whatever". I'd more than double my money by selling it, the place consists of three lots with killer views and is at the end of a private road. But I'll probably wait for a while to sell, doing so now would be an emotional decision. My sisters and I aren't currently speaking and I have no plans to initiate contact. I don't know what the status between them and my folks is and I don't want to. On the upside, we spent an evening with my folks last week, went to a new restaurant that was nice. No one brought up any of this crap. Mom did update us on the nieces and nephews, she's spending time with them at their homes. Sorry this update isn't full of laughs or owns, that's just life sometimes. ***Relevant Comments:*** *They seem very entitled/could you rent it out yourself and/or sue them for profits?* "I agree that my sisters and their families are very entitled. They're also in an extremely weak position in all of this. The place is a bit remote to rent as a long term home. Plus there are times during the winter the road is impassable, so staying there year round is pretty iffy. There are a couple of permanent residents on the road who are at a lower elevation and relatively close to the year round public road but even they have to hunker down or bug out a few times each winter. Regarding making it a vacation rental: doing so would be seen by my sisters as rubbing salt in the wound and would give them a reason to create more drama. And honestly we don't need the money. The place is paid for, it's in great shape, it doesn't cost much to keep the lights on, etc. I did think about lawyering up and covering them with paper. It wouldn't even cost me much, a good friend is a property law attorney. But again, doing so would escalate things and give them reason to create family drama. My primary goal at this point is to minimize my involvement with them and minimize any nonsense that causes my parents stress. I'm willing to take some short term flak and absorb some expenses like the camera system to keep things contained. It could blow up again but I suppose I'll drive off that bridge when I come to it. I don't think we'll sell right away if at all, it's more of a last resort / personal fantasy thought than anything else. There's a good chance that come holiday season my folks will reset and want to have the entire family there. Which is fine, we won't be going of course but I don't care if my parents have guests there. I intend to keep control of the place for the indefinite future though, which will be inconvenient at times because I'll be the only person with a gate key. But I can live with that." *On the audacity:* "Yeah, the renting thing... I just don't have words. One of the harsh-but-true things I told my sisters was that they had risked my property and stolen from me and that made them no better than common thieves. They're response was that our parents hadn't told them they couldn't so it was OK. I just can't think that way. Don't know about the spine but thanks. I think it's more that I just don't care that much for them and because of all this nonsense I'm now having trouble caring if they live or die. That might be unhealthy of me but I'm comfortable with my feelings. I agree about the arm's length thing too. We're staying no contact with them all for the indefinite future." *This is the calm before the storm. They'll try to guilt you again.* "Quite possibly. I know one thing for certain, I'll burn that place to the ground before my sister ever rents it out again. Financially I'm pretty certain my oldest sister (who was renting out the place regularly) is screwed. I know they're trying to take out a second mortgage but unless they can contain their spending that will be a stopgap at best. I admit I didn't realize until recently how much they and the other sister/BIL resented me over my financial situation, but I've figured out it's pretty intense. Honestly I thought both families were doing well, they drive new cars, have nice houses, everybody has all kinds of electronic gadgets, etc. But all that was smoke and mirrors, at least for the oldest sister. I'm finding it impossible to give a shit though. I should probably be more empathetic about all of this but the truth is I really don't care much about my sisters and their families. I don't feel any real bond to them, certainly nothing like I have with my folks or my in laws. Heck, I'm way closer to my wife's siblings than mine. In any case I don't care how my sisters live so long as it doesn't involve me." *Why not just sell it:* "My parents (dad in particular) love the area the house is in and it's close enough that they can drive there with minimal effort. I think they'd prefer I not sell it so they can continue to use it, which is fine with me. And they like getting everyone together so my sisters and their families will end up there. And really that's fine too, we're not going to be there, I hope they have a great time. But as to my sisters using the house again without my parents being there - never again." *Moving forward:* "Yes, this will probably be a long term issue for my siblings. But they can't harass me if we never speak again. All they can do is make my folks upset, and my parents are capable of dealing with that themselves. Eventually everyone will get used to the new reality of the house not being available. I'm going to find a property manager in the area who can unlock the main gate for me and do other routine stuff so I don't have to go up there when my folks want to use it. That will cost me less than the place being used by my sisters 3 out of 4 weekends (I pay all the bills) and the place will stay secure. And also yes, my oldest sister can get a job and/or they can cut back their lifestyle. They probably won't do so until they some massive reality check like getting their Suburban repossessed but that's their problem. We won't be helping them, my folks can't realistically do so. I'm having a hard time pretending to care one way or the other, like John Wayne said, "Life is hard. It's harder when you're stupid."" **\*\*\*\*\*NEW UPDATE** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Scared-Weakness-6250/comments/179pz3l/update_4/)**: October 16, 2023 (1 month later)\*\*\*\*\*** October 16, 2023. A couple of people have asked for an update, here you go. I hired a guy to manage / look over the vacation home. He lives in the area, takes care of his folks and manages a good number of properties, some are vacation rentals, some are weekend places like ours. He has access to my camera feeds and does a physical check on the place every week or two. I think he may have the best job in the mountains, he gets paid to drive around with his dog, walk around the properties and hangs out on people's decks whenever he feels like it. He also has a camera feed from a house near the start of the private road that takes still shots whenever a vehicle goes past it. $450 per month plus he'll do basic maintenance and repairs on an hourly basis. He's friends with all of the sheriff's deputies too. Got a lot of peace of mind from doing this. And he sends photos from his walks to everyone once or twice a week. I have to brag a bit on my parents (I got all this from them tonight at dinner). They were getting pressure from my sisters to demand that I open up the vacation house to everyone for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving up there had become quite the tradition for the family (not for me or my wife, we've gone once in seven years). My dad refused to bother me about it because he knew I'd say no. They came up with what I think is a great plan, announced that they were organizing the Thanksgiving gathering and - if everyone split the cost in advance - they'd rent an Airbnb in the mountains. Otherwise they'd host Thanksgiving at their place or one of the sisters could host it. This caused a fight between the sisters because the middle sister was all for doing the Airbnb but the oldest one doesn't have any money. The deadline to commit to the Airbnb has passed, looks like Thanksgiving will be at my parents' place. Regardless, we won't be there. My parents have asked that we not sell the place for now, they decided they'd still like to use it occasionally but not until my sisters have come to terms with the new normal. And of course they'd probably like it if everyone could get together there again down the road, but that's just not going to happen. I'd just as soon sell it and move on at this point but I can live with keeping it if my folks do use it now and again. Plus it will be worth even more down the road. Wife and I have stayed no contact with my sisters and their husbands. Both sisters have called from new numbers (F you Google Voice) and left messages insisting that I meet with them "for our parents' sake" to work out how everyone can use "the family vacation home". They called my wife too. I'm glad I was already in the habit of not answering calls if I don't recognize the number. I honestly don't know if they're delusional or if they think they can bully me into giving them access again. Don't really care. My parents tell me that the oldest sister and her husband are getting out of the leases for their SUV and big ass truck and are selling their jet skis and some other shit they've never needed. That's going to be really hard on her, she's quite the braggart and won't like being seen in something older / smaller / cheaper. My BIL's identity is very much wrapped up with his truck as well, he even has a small tattoo of the truck company's logo. Which frankly is one of the many reasons why he and I never hung out. Several people have suggested I make the vacation home into an Airbnb. I don't plan to do so, at least anytime soon. I know it would make money but it would cause an incredible amount of drama across the family and would stress out my parents. They don't need that. It would also be a hassle to remove personal things my folks have there, that stuff has nowhere to go. And there would be wear and tear on the place. And I'm sure it would take some amount of time on my part even though I'd use a manager to do it. Just not worth it to me.

Heyyyy it's a new update to "AITA for jumping out of the way when my niece and nephew tried to push me into a pool, resulting in them falling in?"

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ebq8e/heyyyy_its_a_new_update_to_aita_for_jumping_out/

17ebqpp

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Dizzy-Box-6519](https://www.reddit.com/user/Dizzy-Box-6519/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1771bhe/aita_for_asking_my_coworker_what_would_happen_if/)**: October 13, 2023** My (20/F) coworker Kate had a baby a little while ago, and in the breakroom during lunch yesterday she was talking about breastfeeding. During the conversation I asked Kate, “Hey, so what would happen if I were to drink your breastmilk?” Kate said, “Excuse me?” I did realize that it sounded like a weird question when you didn’t hear the train of thought leading up to it, so I tried to explain myself and said, “I mean is it okay because your baby is related to you, but I’d get sick because I don’t have your same bacteria?” Kate didn’t answer me, but our other coworker Lauren then said, “Well, it can’t be that that’s how it works because then wet nurses wouldn’t have been a thing.” I’ve never heard of a wet nurse and asked Lauren, “What’s that?” Lauren said, “It’s when you hire a nanny who had a baby at the same time as you so that she can also breastfeed your baby for you, but it’s like an old-timey thing.” So at this point Kate said, “You guys are being d\*cks,” and left. I found out today that she’s telling people that me and Lauren were making fun of her about breastfeeding. So I do understand why Kate would’ve been uncomfortable with the first way I asked the question because yes that was kind of a stupid way to say it, but I don’t really understand how she thinks I was making fun of her at all after that. AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *This top comment encapsulates the main feeling of commenters:* "Look some thoughts just don't need to be shared with others. You asked a gross and weird question, and I'm not entirely sure why you even thought she'd want to answer or necessarily know the answer. You seemed to be trying to creep her out on purpose, which she took as making fun of her. YTA. Next time just ask google your weird questions." *OOP's response:* "That wasn't my intention at all, but this explanation does at least make sense to me so thank you." *You need to apologize:* "I am going to apologize to her later today. I was just confused because I didn't understand why she thought I was making fun of her, but now I get it." *People advise her not to bring up her neurodiversity in her apology (OOP was asked if she was neurodivergent and divulged that she has ADHD, so this is in response to that)* "I don't even think I'll say anything about social difficulties, I'm just going to tell her that I realize now it was an inappropriate question to ask and that I apologize if it came off like I was trying to make her uncomfortable or tease her because that wasn't my intention and I'm sorry." ***OOP is voted YTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/179hqly/update_aita_for_asking_my_coworker_what_would/)**: October 16, 2023 (3 days later)** So first I guess I need to explain a couple of things that people missed in my [first post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1771bhe/aita_for_asking_my_coworker_what_would_happen_if/), mainly that I am 20/F even though most people were for some reason assuming that I was a guy. And also like I said in the post, I understood in the first place that I worded my initial question to Kate badly. The thing that I didn’t understand was how it seemed like I was making fun of Kate. I do understand now after people explained and after what Kate said when I did talk to her about it that it was because it just didn’t seem like a question that anyone would ask seriously. So on Friday afternoon I went to Kate and told her, “Hey, I wanted to say sorry about yesterday. I get now that I asked a really inappropriate question and I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable. And I understand that you felt like I was making fun of you, but that wasn’t my intention and I’m sorry it came out sounding that way.” Kate said, “Okay, hold on. You were really just trying to ask about the germs in milk or whatever it was?” I said, “Yeah. I know it sounded bad but I swear that’s all I meant.” Kate said, “Well, if it was a genuine question then I’m sorry also. I shouldn’t have assumed ill intent.” I said, “It’s okay. Like I said, I am sorry.” Kate said, “Don’t worry about it.” And then that was the end of the conversation and everything seemed fine. ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP:* "I'll probably never ask another question in my life after this." *People ask about the third coworker who was trying to provide historical context:* "I'm not sure but I think probably she already talked to Kate about it if she cared in the first place. I didn’t work Saturday this week but I know she did so if someone also told her what was going on I think she probably would've just said something right then." *This interaction:* Commenter: Uh, I missed the explanation because everyone was focused on the initial question. How was it making fun of her, because I was just as lost as you on that part? OOP: How I understand it is that it's because it was such a weird question that it sounded like I wasn't asking it to be serious, and sometimes people pretend to be just asking a question as an excuse to make people uncomfortable during a conversation. And then I guess Lauren should've told me to stop bothering Kate instead of answering the question because then it seemed like she was just keeping a joke going." Commenter: Oh, jeez, wow, that explanation *never* would have occurred to me. It makes sense in retrospect, it's just... so far beyond anything I would think of doing. OOP: Same here, I didn’t understand that at all. I guess I do remember people in school to be bullies would pretend to want to know what music you listen to or whatever so I guess I have seen it happen but I wouldn't have connected this to that.

AITA for asking my coworker what would happen if I drank her breastmilk?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ebqpp/aita_for_asking_my_coworker_what_would_happen_if/

17eiamq

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/misfitsandmagicask **OOP Gives her permission for this BoRU** **How do I (20f) tell my friend (20m) that he needs to stop seeing me as his future wife?** **Originally posted** to r/relationship_advice **Thanks to u/PitaEnigma from bringing this to the discord BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Physical abuse!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/visLukiLj7)  **Ocf 10, 2023** I (20f) have been best friends with this guy (20m), who we'll call Ben, since we were both in elementary school. Our parents are close and always fostered this friendship between us and when we got older, encouraged a relationship. We dated for a year in our early teens before breaking up and deciding to stay friends, as I realized I'm a lesbian. The problem is that ever since then, when he talks about his future he always puts me in the role of his stay at home wife. For a while I thought it was cute that he wanted me in his life so much, since I thought that it was just a "best friends dreaming about living together" thing. But lately I've begun to become uncomfortable with it as it's clear he's genuinely serious about this. It all came to a head yesterday, when he called me after getting back from a tinder date. When I asked him how it went, he began to rant to me about how horrible the girl was and how they weren't compatible at all. During his ranting, he mentioned that she asked him what his plans for his future looked like and then couldn't handle his response. His response to her? It was him talking about how he would have me move in with him, he would work full time and I would stay at home and take care of the house, and we would have a dog, a cat, and raise at least two children together. She obviously didn't take her date talking about what was essentially a married life with another woman well and left the date immediately, leaving him with the bill. I didn't say anything at the time, but it really put me off. Ben knows I don't want kids, nor do I want to be a stay at home wife. He also knows that I don't have feelings for him and can't have feelings for any man at all. The fact that he's so genuinely serious about this weird fantasy is really uncomfortable for me. So how do I confront him about this without causing issues between our families and in our friendship? Outside of this one issue, he's really a great friend and I don't want to lose him. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks! TLDR: My best friend constantly talks about his future as if I'll be his stay at home wife, while also going on date and knowing that I'm a lesbian. I don't know how to confront him about it. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/V5NdBhNVZy)  **Oct 15, 2023** Hi all! A little bit ago I made a post asking for advice about my "friend" Ben who was making me very uncomfortable by talking about me as if I was his future wife. You can find that post [here](/r/relationship_advice/comments/174f6hm/how_do_i_20f_tell_my_friend_20m_that_he_needs_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) So, after reading the comments that told me the situation was likely to escalate and that I should confront him about it and cut him off, I took action. I asked my older brothers (25m, 23m) to come over before inviting Ben to my apartment for a talk, that way if Ben acted out I would have someone to both witness it and protect me. They stayed in my room, with the door open, while I talked to Ben in the living room. When Ben got to my apartment, he could tell something was off. I sat him down and explained that while I valued our friendship, our plans for the future did not align and he needed to acknowledge that. I told him that I felt disrespected as a person because he knows I'm a lesbian who never wants kids, yet still puts me in the place of his future stay at home wife and mother of his children. He cut in, saying that it didn't disrespect me because he never mentioned that he and I would be married or have children together, just that we would live together and I would help raise his kids. I pointed out that that's essentially just a couple with children and that I didn't want to raise kids at all. I then told him that we need to take a step back from our friendship because it really wasn't healthy at this point. He calmly asked me if I was ending our friendship and I said yes. He seemed rather calm throughout our whole conversation, so I thought that it was safe to just come out and say it bluntly. Well that was a mistake on my part as he lost it. He didn't even say anything to me in response, just slapped me across the face and roughly shoved me off the couch. Having my brothers there was a good call, because they intervened before he could do anything else. I went into my room and locked the door while they made him leave, just in case he tried anything else. My brothers managed to successfully get him out and after I blocked him on everything, we spent the rest of the night playing video games to take my mind off the situation. The first thing I did the next day was snitch on him to his mom. He slapped me hard enough that there was a hand print on my face, so all it took to get his family to believe me was sending a picture with my explanation. She was appalled at his behavior and said she didn't raise her son to be that way and she was ashamed of him. She told me not to worry about him anymore and that she and his dad will deal with him. So far he's left me alone. Our mutual friends haven't talked to him since they found out what happened and life is going on like normal. Any sadness that I felt at losing a friend was gone the second he laid his hands on me. If anything else happens in the next coming while, I'll update again on my personal profile. **Edit: This blew up, which I wasn't expecting. I'll file a police report like everyone here is telling me too, because even if this isn't something that the police can do anything about at least I'll have tried.** **EDIT 2: This has been posted on tik tok without my permission. Please don't upload this anywhere unless you directly ask me and I say it's ok. It made me really uncomfortable to see it reposted without me even being made aware. Thanks. Also the dude edited in a fake alternate ending to this that never happened, Ben has NOT shown up to my apartment at all.** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Healthy_Lead4645** >Good job having your brothers there and then sending evidence to his family. But you should definitely start a paper trail with this because he will continue to escalate in all likelihood. Also: RE TikTok yeah I have found that there is one channel in particular that alters the endings of every story to make it more "interesting" nevermind that it's just lying at that point and straight up not what happened and that these stories are from real people. Also unfortunately none of the TikTok reddit story people I know of tend to "ask permission" even if they should. They just figure the story is out on the internet so it's free reign. Which is BS **OOP replied** >>Yeah they did that to me. I've reported his videos on me and his account, as well as asked for the ones made about me to be taken down at the least. I just wanted advice, not some random dude on tiktok making up stuff about my life **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

How do I (20f) tell my friend (20m) that he needs to stop seeing me as his future wife?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17eiamq/how_do_i_20f_tell_my_friend_20m_that_he_needs_to/

17ej4c3

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/canican **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **My (25F) boyfriend (33M) suddenly told me he wants to establish traditional gender roles once we get married.** Trigger Warnings: >!Controlling behavior, misogyny, and bait and switch!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1773tz1/my_25f_boyfriend_33m_suddenly_told_me_he_wants_to/) - **October 13, 2023** I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and it has been wonderful. We have been talking about marriage lately as it felt right for the both of us. Over the course of our relationship, we often talked about what our goals are and what we wanted our future together to look like. I was always vocal about how I wanted a more equal non-traditional relationship. We both work, we both don't want children. I expect to have a joint account with him and pay our expenses proportionally based on our income. I do make more than him but I don't mind since I believe us to be a team. And for the last 3 years, he's agreed with me. Or so I thought?? These past 2-3 weeks, we have been setting a timeline on our wedding plans and all. Basically talking about all the concrete steps and little details. And so I asked him again, how he wanted our marriage to be like but in more detail. He suddenly told me that he wants us to have traditional gender roles. And I was so confused. These past 3 years have not been that way. I am so confused how he just expects us to change after marriage. I have been dating him and wanting to pursue something serious with him because I love our current dynamic and he seemed happy too. I have made it clear since day 1 that I want to maintain what we have now until forever. He has never told me that that was not the case for him. Now, I feel tricked/lied to? He told me that although I make more of the income, he wants to be the man of the house. The leader and so, what he says goes. He has the final say in the decisions and I cannot be questioning him. I told him this will lead me to not being heard and miserable. It will make me feel less valued. He says it's the best way to avoid arguments. Sure, less arguments because what I think wouldn't matter but I will build resentment and then it's no longer a happy marriage. In my previous post, I mentioned that I have seen him binge watching alpha male podcasts recently and I don't know if he has always thought this way or if it's recent. All I know is that my whole body is telling me this is not it. I cannot marry him. It sounds like trouble. But am I correct for thinking this way? I don't know why but the last 3 years have been so wonderful that it's so hard for me to wrap my head around this. This sudden switch. Please give me some advice and courage. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***leelee90210:** It sounds like you never really knew him. He sounds like he’s always been a misogynist, you just never got a clear and direct answer from him. You say you were always vocal about what you wanted but was he? You never mentioned if he agreed with you. You said you “asked him again” which shows you never had a solid answer yet you both still talked about marriage? Did you BOTH agree on things or was he passively acknowledging? This doesn’t sound like a sudden switch. This sounds like he was passive and now he’s actively acting in his own best interests. It’s just that it’s come to crunch time. Maybe when you look back at your first interactions with him you’ll notice the pattern of passivity on his part. Not saying that this is the case or it’s on you but it’s that the signs were always there, it’s just not easy to recognise them. Women especially are conditioned to tolerate a lot of things because being single as a woman is the “worst thing ever”… to “alpha males” as it happens. Be wary of what you think is right for you and what’s expected of you to tolerate* > **OP:** I think you are right actually. There were many times where he would just nod. And if I directed a question at him, he'd answer vaguely to kind of match mine and deflect. I think that made me think he agreed, especially since he never said anything opposing it and he clearly knew my position. I think I just expected people to be honest, gave him the benefit of the doubt. I'm naive, I guess. Thanks for your response. ***dwells2301:** This seems unrealistic. People change as they mature. Life and circumstances change. You need to be able to grow and change too.* > **OP:** Of course, I meant in the sense of the equality aspect of the relationship. That as we grow and we are thrown obstacles, we can still be a team and work things out. No one is below the other, each person is valued equally, heard and loved. ***mustang19671967:** Maybe go to councilling , he maybe watching these because he feels disrespect ( don’t know just must be a reason he just started listening to the podcasts ) this is a huge deal So you need to figure something out or break up because these are two totally different mentalities in marriage* > **OP:** He is unfortunately not into the idea of counseling. Although, in the past 3 years, he said he was but recently, his mind seems to have changed a lot... --- &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/179p1oj/update_my_25f_boyfriend_33m_suddenly_told_me_he/) - **October 16, 2023** Thank you all for your responses. I wanted to update you guys on what happened and hopefully answer some of your questions along the way. I luckily don't live with him or have any shared assets. He also did explicitly say that he expects me to continue working so I guess he wanted the best of both worlds. And before we started dating, I was hesitant due to our age gap. I have heard of horror stories so I have been very careful about power dynamics. But he was amazing for the last 3 years so I did put my defenses down eventually. My friends and family also liked him, they always said we genuinely seemed happy together and complemented each other well. On to what happened: He came over to my house the night I posted on reddit, which isn't unusual. We spend most nights together after work. I knew I had to break up but didn't know how to yet. I was still debating if I should ask him more questions or just end it. And if I end it, do I tell him everything or keep it concise. Luckily, he did not suspect anything so far, so it bought me some time to figure out my next step, I thought. As soon as he came in though, he tried to initiate intimacy and I said no since I was not in the mood (understandably so). He got angry. He has never done this before. We have always had a very healthy fulfilling sexual relationship. But now, he kept trying to convince me to have sex with him and asked me why I was putting my need over his. That I can just force myself to do it for the sake of our relationship. I said that I wasn't feeling well (I know I shouldn't even have to justify though). He said that even if I'm not feeling well, it's not an excuse. I was disgusted. I fell out of love that instant. I mean I was already in the process of it but this really did it. I also felt very unsafe. I stood my ground, told him that this is not consensual and that someone's health is more important than his need for sex. I kept repeating it until he eventually stopped pushing but he didn't leave my place until an hour later. I was afraid to anger him again by telling him to leave so I just stayed quiet doing stuff around the apartment until he decided to leave. Luckily, nothing happened to me but wow. I told my friends and family everything. They support me in my decision to break up and helped me prepare my speech. I asked him to meet me in a public space the next day as one of the comments suggested. My friends were nearby keeping an eye. He was still angry at me because I haven't been talking to him and I refused sex. He asked me why I expect him to take care of me when I'm unwell but I didn't give him sex yesterday. I decided to not waste my breath in explaining something so basic. I went on with my breakup speech as prepared, where I told him everything, how disrespectful he's been, all the podcasts stuff, etc. He suddenly looked so scared and begged me to take him back. He said he understands what I'm saying and that I'm right about the podcasts and that he will work on it. He was trying to convince me not to breakup but I did not believe anything he said. I held my ground and told him there is no room for discussion, it's over and I left. Now I feel a weight lifted but I am also heartbroken. I know this was the right thing to do. I just feel defeated. I wake up so anxious and feel like crying constantly. I am barely eating. I am seeing a therapist next week to help cope. If you guys have words of encouragement and maybe success stories of meeting your person, I'd love to hear. Thank you all sincerely. You all helped me in finding courage and strength in my time of need. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

My (25F) boyfriend (33M) suddenly told me he wants to establish traditional gender roles once we get married.

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ej4c3/my_25f_boyfriend_33m_suddenly_told_me_he_wants_to/

17f3yaq

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ThrowawayRunawayToot](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowawayRunawayToot/). She posted in r/TrueOffMyChest Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 and u/Bluephoenix2121 for the recommendation. **Trigger Warning:** >!infidelity; spousal abuse; death in childbirth; religious abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/118puyf/my_husband_wants_me_to_be_a_mother_to_his_affair/)**: February 21, 2023** I (29F) and my husband (44M) have been together for five years and married for two. I met him at the church I started going to when I moved cities to start my career. I work for an insurance company and he’s a pastor. I know that we have a notable age gap, but he was always kind to me and made me feel special. Anyhow- a week ago he came home and told me we needed to talk. He told me through tears that he had been having an affair with one of our community members (34F) and that she had been pregnant with twins. She had gone into labor; she and one of the twins died and the other is in the NICU. He said we need to step up and that he wants me to turn my office into a nursery and set up a cot in the room so we can take turns. I became distressed and told him I wanted some time to think. That I was not sure I wanted to do this. He told me that I had made a vow to him in marriage and that God had blessed us with a child. That this is our cross to bear and that God will never give us something we cannot handle. I told him that it seemed God had given her more than she could handle because she had died (I know I should not have but I was not thinking correctly). He slapped me and told me that I needed to serve my husband. That God had chosen me as this child’s mother and I needed to be his humble servant. I just feel so strange. Yesterday I cried so hard I threw up. This woman died, yet I feel bad for myself. I feel so ugly. I wanted children and was saving for IVF because I am infertile, but now that I have a chance to have a child and I do not want it. I feel like I’d be robbing its mothers grave. I pray to God but if I’m being honest it’s never felt like anyone was ever listening. I feel like I have truly seen my husband and he no longer looks kind- he looks his age and very tired. I want to abandon him and the child. I’m only 29- I can start over. I have a remote job, I can take a day off when he goes to the NICU- pack my essentials and leave. Neither him nor the child deserve this, and although this is my circus- that is not my monkey. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Love yourself and leave:* "That's the hard part. I always have felt like I was never on anyone's radar and just their back burner. He made me feel special and loved, but this last week I feel like I've seen past that. Although I was old enough to decide to be in an age gap relationship, I feel like he had no business with being someone my age. I'm 29 now and I would feel wrong being with someone 24. I spent my whole life accepting second best and now that the one person who put me first has now put me last- I feel like I just see it all now. I feel used." *I'm a Christian and preacher's kid- he's full of shit. He made vows too. This is NOT your cross to bear.* "I've kind of been thinking about that recently. I still love him because that doesn't leave overnight, as much as I want it to. This last week I've just been thinking about what it would look like when the baby comes home. The arguments we'd inevitably have in front of the child. The way he'll use the fear of God to make them behave- and I can't accept that. I was willing to accept that when it was just me, and I'm not sure why, but I just can no longer accept this behavior." *More info on the affair:* "He said that she had come to his office several times to seek spiritual counseling and the affair "just happened" after many emotional sessions. The assistant pastor is aware of things according to my husband's version of events and has called me twice this week to offer help converting my office into a nursery. He said that forgiveness is a virtue and this is part of God's plan." *Don't let him use God to manipulate you. He doesn't care about you:* "That's just it though- looking past the situation itself- he doesn't care about \*me\* and only pretended to. I finally found someone who put me first and it was a lie. I feel like such a gullible idiot. A 39-year-old man was interested in a 24-year-old woman because they had the same interests? Really? I feel so stupid for not seeing it when I can so clearly see it now." **Small Update in** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/118puyf/my_husband_wants_me_to_be_a_mother_to_his_affair/j9s94nv/?context=3)**: February 23, 2023 (2 days later)** I just wanna thank y'all for the support. I'm still processing this all, and I just need a little time. I don't feel unsafe, just unloved- just not enough. My husband did apologize for slapping me and continues to express regret, but he can't take it back. Just as he cannot take back impregnating another woman which ultimately killed her. I'm just feeling so disillusioned with my whole life right now, I know I should leave. I know that there is a world out there that will not treat me like this, but I am scared of change. I am working on a plan to leave and getting my ducks in a row for when I am ready to go, but I am not sure when I would leave if I choose to. Many expressed that I should make a report to the police about him slapping me, and they're probably right, but that would likely cause me more problems than it would be worth. If I leave it might make him want to contest the divorce more, and if I stay it would cause more tension. I've been working on my left hook though because I won't let him get away with it again. I'm not violent myself but I'm down for a tussle, because although I'm hurt; I am angry. I'm not sure if there will be an update- because I'm still unsure. I can make all the plans in the world but the change scares me almost as much as bending to his will. I've been praying about it but I see no clear answers or guidance. I don't know. Funny thing- I'm jealous of the people saying that this is fake. It's like I want my life to be like it was two weeks ago. I could read a crazy story on the internet and think "wow, that's crazy, seems kinda fake," and keep scrolling and go about my life. Only I can't scroll away in real life because that's just not how life works. I don't owe anyone proof of my life tragedies, least of all strangers on the internet whom I will never meet. I do thank all who have given support. I wish I could tell you I packed my bags and left his sorry ass, but I'm not strong enough to yet. It's not that easy to do in real life as it turns out. Odd. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/179sx2s/update_my_husband_wants_me_to_be_a_mother_to_his/)**: October 17, 2023 (8 months later)** I left. If that’s all you wanted to know, there it is. For those of you who asking how the other woman died, (I get it, I invited you into my business), it was an amniotic fluid embolism. I don’t know much about those, but I guess when they happen things go wrong really, really fast. We lived in a more rural area, so they just weren’t ready for something like that to happen. I didn’t leave right away, as I know now that I should have. It just wasn’t that easy. I stayed for two months. I knew if I did not at least try to make it work I would not be able to live with it. Not because I wanted to save my marriage, but because “what ifs” keep me up at night enough as is. I went to marriage counseling with my husband, but it was ultimately fruitless. Of course it was Christian counseling, I felt like their goal was for me to forgive him rather than actually trying to help me. I was so utterly alone during that time. My parents and brother are also very religious so even though they weren’t happy with my husband, they kept urging me to do what a good Christian wife would do. I spent so much time suffering in my own head that I began to realize that I was just going through the motions, doing what I thought people expected of me. I entered a state of derealization for a time, and that was an absolute mind-f\*ck. The feeling of nothing being real, not even myself, was horrible. During this period my husband brought his baby home and while he tried to split the cares 50/50 at first, he ultimately didn’t trust me to look after the baby because I was “lost in space.” So he ended up being the primary provider. When I was with the baby, all I could think about was how its existence ruined my life, it’d look at me with big blue eyes and I would just wish it would disappear. I would actively spend time resenting a baby, there was a time when I was thinking to myself and I wished it would stop breathing. That was when I knew that I needed to leave. I was blaming a baby and wishing ill upon it, and that was not okay to do. I don’t remember much about this time besides that, it’s mostly a blur otherwise. I sought services through my work to talk to a therapist, and I eventually came back to earth, she helped me make a plan. At no point did I fear my husband, I truly believe the slap was a one-off event. However, screw him, he doesn’t deserve closure. On a night he had a long bible study (he always took his baby with him because he didn’t trust me) I packed my essentials and dipped. I met him pretty quickly after college so I did not have much to take as far as furnishings. I fit everything I wanted in three suitcases, and four moving boxes. It all fit into my SUV after some mediocre Tetris skills. I was able to change my phone number online before I left, but I did leave the divorce papers under his pillow with my lawyer’s contact info. Kind of like the tooth fairy but for ~~adults~~ assholes. I was the breadwinner, in my state we were not married long enough for me to pay spousal maintenance, at least that is what my lawyer said. I own my vehicle outright, we had our own bank accounts and a shared expenses account, we filed taxes separately, and the church owns the house. He’s being an ass about it all, but I’m hoping it should be done soon. I got a decent apartment in a city a few hundred miles away. I’ve never lived in a city this big before, everything is so expensive, but besides that I like it. I found a new therapist, met some new friends, and found a new church with loving people. I still have my days but for the most part I’m content. I think it will always hurt on some level, but I’m working on taking my power back. I turn 30 next month, and I am hopeful it will be the start of my best decade yet. **Comment:** *This exchange:* Commenter: I have waited so long hoping to see this update. Good for you!!! Have a wonderful, fulfilled, happy, and safe new life!!!! OOP: Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts, I truly believe I could feel the support from wherever you are in the world. May you have a wonderful life.

My husband wants me to be a mother to his affair child

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17f3yaq/my_husband_wants_me_to_be_a_mother_to_his_affair/

17f3yem

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Critical_Carry_6618 **WIBTA if I exposed my neighbour 42M to his wife out of retaliation?** **Originally posted to r/AITAH** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Stalking, Harassment, weaponization of police!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/cw8ajKegaX)  **Oct 17, 2023** My bf 28M and I 24F recently went on a trip. My bf surfs and I surf a little.. I’ve done it for a few years now but don’t get the time and location to progress a lot… anyway, it’s embarrassing but the board hit me in the face. I developed bruising around my under eye and a few cuts/ scrapes. It fortunately wasn’t super horrific looking, but when we got back home my neighbour 42M saw me and asked about it while I was checking my mail. I told him what happened. He joked maybe my bf gave me the bruise and I’m just “too obsessed with him to care”. I told him that’s disrespectful— just kept it short and terminated the interaction. He goes on laughing and I walk away. My bf confronted him on his behaviour and told him not to approach me or talk to me. He nodded and agreed, and apologized. The next day we get police doing a wellness check on me because of an anonymous report (I just know it has to be the neighbour) .. they wanted to make sure no domestic abuse was going on. They questioned me and my bf.. I had to show them GoPro footage to try to prove we went surfing .. 42M has been super flirtatious with me in the past, and every time my bf is away (travels for work) he seems to take note of this and starts trying to run into me more. Catch me on my runs etc. He has said inappropriate things to me that a man with a wife really shouldn’t be saying. This is just for context. I have some proof of his inappropriate behaviour because he tried to add me on ig and dm’d me some inappropriate texts while he was supposedly “ drunk “ W I B T A if I show his wife those? I guess it’s petty because I’m retaliating but I just hate the guy now, and maybe he truly will stay away after that. I don’t want to start a back and forth war though … I’d feel unsafe during the times my bf is away for work. It was nice to honestly just vent this here .. think about doing it. Maybe I should leave it at that.. But lemme know :) Edit for some clarification based on comments: • My neighbour 42M has a history of flirting with me and saying inappropriate things. I can give examples of what I mean by that if needed but it feels unnecessary. It’s been almost 1 year of us living there and similarly long with his slowly escalating behaviour. My partner has confronted him before, a few weeks prior to this scenario, when the “drunk” DMs happened. So his confronting my neighbour again when he saw us talking was to firmly remind him he is to be keeping his distance from me— it was more to do with just keeping him in check. • I strongly feel he called the police out of spite. Not suspected dv. Most likely it’s spite against my partner. My neighbour has made the comment of me being “too obsessed” with my boyfriend many times over, and it is largely because he is aware we have a good relationship which he has somewhat stalked (online and offline). According to him (my neighbour) I talk about my bf ‘too much’ during our conversations— which he has told me he doesn’t like. I do that a little on purpose to spoil his attempts to steer conversation with me towards inappropriate territory. **UPDATE Oct 17,2023 and a few further clarifications:**  **14 hours later, same post** **-Clarification: My neighbour has never had my phone number or contact information.** We don't communicate. He searched for me online and admitted to doing so because I had mentioned when I moved here that I recently graduated from art school, do some painting on the side and sometimes sell a piece here and there. He claims he tried to look for a website to see my art but found my LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram instead. My name is published online in a few places, because of my work, a recognition award I received while in university, and photos from my instagram have been published too so they are credited with my username. All this to say, he put in his own work and found me, I did not give him my socials. Some people are saying we are 'texting' and communicating with each other - you have misunderstood. **He messaged me on Instagram one time. I never responded to those messages.** It was just him sending in text after text throughout the night, then apologizing and saying he had been 'drunk. I have since blocked him. I shared this in my post because it is my only concrete proof that he's been flirting with me. Everything else has transpired in person. **-Clarification: # 2** When the confrontation mentioned above in my original text occurred, my boyfriend was there unloading the vehicle (including the surfboards). We have a very long private driveway.. I was in my boyfriend's line of sight but not within earshot.. until he heard the neighbour laughing loudly and me walking back. My boyfriend had also previously spoken to 42M neighbour a few weeks before, when the drunk DM happened (mentioned in edit below). So when my boyfriend heard the laughing and saw my face coming up the drive, he came down and reiterated to the neighbour ... to the effect of .. Come on man. We discussed this. You need to stop walking over here. I'm warning you. That kind thing. He was calm, measured control.. firm but not aggressive. Some people say my partner's confrontation is enough to trigger red flags for DV but you have to keep in mind my boyfriend was reinforcing a previous conversation that had already been had with 42M. Furthermore, 42M's history of behaviour toward me should be taken into consideration. At least I think so. **Details / Thoughts:**Firstly, thank you for everyone for voicing your opinions. I appreciate the most, those who reached out to me personally and tried to view this situation from my POV, with my safety in mind. This was a WIBTA type post so I will address that: **I will Not be retaliating in any way. What I want is him to leave me alone, and i'm not going to achieve that by lighting a fire under their marriage (which i'm sure is already suffering even without my involvement).** I would have maybe been more inclined to be more transparent with his wife if I didn't live next door, had some anonymity, and he didn't have access to me which it feels like he does. If I had answers to a lot of 'what if's. But I don't. And I think ... It will make my life a nightmare especially when my boyfriend is away and I'm living alone for weeks at a time. Writing this post itself has been cathartic enough. Tbh now that I've come down from my anger and feel more clearheaded + having talked to my partner and read all these messages (as many as I can)... it's not a good idea to tangle myself up in this by going to his wife to try and make a point. I don't think it will give me what I want (which is for the man to never speak to me again). I also don't know how the wife (31F) will react. From the 2 interactions I've had with her, she was very short with me and difficult to engage. She has been from the start. I originally tried to introduce myself to her when I moved here and saw them standing at the foot of our driveway while we were moving in, but 42M took over the conversation and was the more friendlier one. Writing this post itself has been cathartic. But TBH now that I've come down from my anger and feel more clearheaded + having talked to my partner and read all these messages (as many as I can)... it's not a good idea to tangle myself up in this by going to his wife to try and make my point. I don't think it will give me what I want (which is for the man to never speak to me again). I also don't know how the wife (31F) will react. From the 2 interactions I've had with her, she was very short with me and difficult to engage. She has been from the start. To those who suggested I befriend her, it's not going to happen. I held back taking the DMs to the wife earlier for reasons like these. I don't want to be involved in other peoples lives. Especially neighbours. In the heat of the police situation, and some girlfriends egging me to go to the wife in the moment.. I felt the urge to retaliate because I was fed up and unfairly emotionally drained. But on reflection... Guys.. It's just not worth it for my safety and peace to inform her. I am sure she has some idea of his behaviours/what kind of man he is. The reason I took to Reddit with this desire to finally talk to his wife after the police check was because to me his behaviour (if he made the call) was an escalation of what has been building up all year. He has been inappropriate all year.. but to call the police? I was shocked to have them show up and it was very frustrating to sit there and cooperate with the report. I also don't see how this would help a DV victim.. I feel like it would make things worse for them. I am not a DV victim but the police experience was traumatic for me! I was shaking. I hope it helps real victims but I just don't see how it does.. at least not the way my neighbour handled it. I understand I will never know if my neighbour made the call or if his wife did or even someone else. I will say that aside from the two of them I have no suspects. No one else interacted with us, and the call happened the day after I interacted with my neighbour ... we'd only been back for one night. It's not like the suburbs. Houses are farther apart. He is our closest neighbour and he's not even that close. For those who say it's fair for him to have called it in.. I also personally did not feel at any moment that my neighbour showed me the concern someone would have if they suspected DV. He should have given me a heads up.. tried to ask me when my boyfriend might be out of the house etc.. you know, like a genuinely concerned individual.. Who would spring surprise police on a DV victim who lives with their abuser? From his comments to his reaction, he was nothing but crass, rude, and patronizing during our interaction about my bruise. He was simply getting some kind of satisfaction in trying to start a childish spat with me. I genuinely feel he enjoys trying to get a rise out of me since his flirting no longer gets him the reaction he craves because he knows our pleasantries have soured. There wasn't any concern, he was smirking, he told me 'only you make it look fashionable' and as I said previously, his behaviour leading up to this incident cannot be separated from the scenario. If it was just an isolated interaction with a neighbour followed by a police check, I would understand .. I would not be making this post! Ok this is getting too long. Hope this suffices for an update for now. I will keep you informed on how this progresses. I don't now much about Reddit, like do I make a whole new post for a future update? I cleaned up the text as much as I could but did not touch the original post text. Thanks again guys xx : ) **TDLR:** at this time I am not going to tell the wife, going to look into possibly pursuing a restraining order if the behaviour persists (him approaching me, talking to me). We have told the police that this was a mistake/wrongful report. In our state due to the laws, they are compelled to make arrests in domestic violence cases so it was a serious situation. Very traumatizing for me personally. I think if we want to pursue a formal complaint against the complaint we'd have to re-contact the police. We had already installed cameras a while ago when the creepy behaviour began. I also park my Tesla strategically while the weather is good.. so I can place myself near enough for it to record an interaction and also so I can use the app to check the cameras remotely before heading out. Going to fence the yard for privacy and further security, an awesome Redditor shared a sign for trespassing that we purchased and I am going to probably get a big dog ... maybe a Malinois, a breed which my partner's colleague works with (military). We are thinking about adding window alarms too since we are redoing windows anyway. I originally felt it was VERY overkill but maybe not given how life's going :') **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **ON TELLING THE NIEGHBORS WIFE** >Lots of people have suggested this in the comments but unfortunately I don't know how to approach her let alone be friends. I feel I may not be the right person to check on her. >Initially from day one, when I saw them both while we were moving in, I approached them to say hello. I tried directing my attention at his wife and greeted her first. But she was difficult to engage and 42M was the open, 'friendlier' one who took over the conversation. Despite my attempts to redirect back to her, she didn't seem interested. >I've tried to bring up his wife to 42M when we have run-ins.. it's one of my tactics to keep the conversation appropriate and prevent his flirting.. but he shuts down when I mention her, ask about her, even simple comments.. and one time he actually became so irritated and frustrated. When I called him out on that, he said he doesn't like it when I talk about his wife ('you always bring her up'). Then he apologized and said he's just in a bad mood due to 'something'. I got really weirded out by the sudden shift in his mood, the flash of anger? I terminated the conversation and made an excuse to go back to my house. >I have a lot of hesitancy to approach her that's why I haven't. I always back out. * >I think she knows too.. it seems really unlikely she’s totally in the dark about it. I’m not sure how she would react but if she already knows his behaviours there is no need for me to go to her because I realize it won’t get me what I want.. which is for him to leave me alone. Too risky. * >But not if the truth is at the risk of my safety! 😱 Unfortunately I prioritize myself more than their marriage. So I don’t have plans to let her know what her gross husband is up to, tbh I’m sure she isn’t totally in the dark .. he is soooo not subtle. **ADDITIONAL COMMENT FROM OOP** [OOP Comment 1](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/gTKs4cLVdr) I showed one Redditor a small excerpt of text I will share with you too.. just so you have gist. It was just a bunch of nonsense though nothing like.. dick pic or something https://imgur.io/a/vuSnWBs he essentially spammed me, then apologized saying he was drunk. I never responded **TRANSCRIPT OF MESSAGE** **NEIGHBOR:** [redacted]llllllaaaaaa [redacted]aaa bellla bo belllaaaaa [redacted]aa u said u don't model OK then what is this? Just jokes [redacted]aaaa 😗 can imagine u blushing like u do don't be made [redacted] take a joke So ur out with ur bfi guess? * **OOP ON CHANGING BEHAVIOR AROUND THE NEIGHBOR** [Comment Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/c8pHPkLfbs) You are so right about being nice as consent to him. Things like smiling, a laugh.. all the micro mannerisms that are natural to me were grossly misinterpreted by him. My partner actually sat me down and had a talk with me when the behaviour began .. about how I should put aside everything I do when I interact with 'normal' people .. since this was no longer a 'normal' situation or a 'normal' person I was interacting with. Since then, I do not engage. Explaining my bruise was an exception because I felt quite embarrassed about it and in the moment when he asked what happened I just told him. I tried to walk away but even that one sentence explanation was enough to get him going. The age difference frightens me because he could be someone who exclusively tries to approach younger women. Also I'm not even sure of his actual age. Originally my neighbour said he was 40 and his wife, 30. Then one day he told me he had lied and he is actually 42 and the wife is 31. What a weird thing to lie about. He frequently mentions my 'obsession' with my boyfriend as a belittlement or patronizing tactic to invalidate my relationship. In his eyes he is older and so much more experienced and wiser than me.. I am just a naive young girl with a silly little crush. It's so infuriating. I really hope you didn't experience something awful like this. But if you did, I'm so sorry I appreciate you taking time to comment on my post. I haven't been able to keep up with messages here. *Hugs* **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

WIBTA if I exposed my neighbour 42M to his wife out of retaliation?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17f3yem/wibta_if_i_exposed_my_neighbour_42m_to_his_wife/

17f3yh2

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/KuntaWuKnicks](https://www.reddit.com/user/KuntaWuKnicks/). He posted in r/CasualUK. Thanks to u/jennaorama who suggested this post! **Mood Spoiler:** >!cute !< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/comments/179ccnt/should_i_ask_this_girl_out_on_my_commute_tomorrow/)**: October 16, 2023** So I see the same girl on my commute everyday, everyday we smile at each other, always say “Hi” Ever since I saw her I can’t stop thinking about her Last week it went from Hi, to good morning then to “have a good day” (saucy I know) Over the weekend while I was walking into a bar she was walking out, at noticing each other, she waved and her smile lit up Brief small talk before she said to her friend this is the fella I see every morning who I told you about 💡! Am I golden? Did she tell her friend “There’s this guy who smiles at me and might be stalking me on my way to work” I’ll see her tomorrow, so should I go for it ask her out, continue with the small talk, and bottle it? Risk the inevitable awkward future commute, where i now have to change my entire journey, possibly get a new job, and move country? Edit - 😂 I’m genuinely overwhelmed at all your replies. I dunno whether to feel confident or shit myself with worry now I told two of my mates one said, fuck it you only live once, the other said fuck that I could never! Jesus I’m sweating Update - I’ve decided I’ll go for it tomorrow morning Stay tuned wish me luck Oh my days, I can’t believe the responses, remind mes and messages, thank you all. Now I do feel under pressure 😂 Fingers crossed I see her this morning , I usually do. I’ll do a follow up post, wish me luck 😄 **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/comments/179vclb/asking_out_my_commute_crush_part_2_electric/)**: October 17, 2023 (Next Day)** First shoutout to everyone and their positivity, messages of support and advice, it was very overwhelming and wholesome [original post](https://reddit.com/r/CasualUK/s/hXXFzybp6t) I tried to update the post but it caused it to type really slowly and unresponsive Anyways I’m never a nervous person, only time I really was is when my daughter was ready to be born but this morning I was up early, kinda just wanting to get it out of the way of asking this girl out who’s name I didn’t even know (Great Alicia Keys song btw) At first I thought she wasn’t going to be here then I realised man I’ve got to the station early 😂 I waited then I saw her arrive, I was just gonna play it cool and then she started the conversation Said hi and talked about seeing each other at the weekend She said it’s funny how we see each other everyday and don’t even know each others names but spoke to each other at the weekend like we know each other finally introduce each other We both get on the train and carried on this conversation, we’re actually laughing and joking (some nervous) I asked her when is her stop (like I don’t already know) I tell her me too (narrator- “it wasn’t”) , which leads onto what we do for a living I asked her does she go to the bar often? She says no she doesn’t get out much really This is it. My opening Stop coming up, now or never Buckle up My Hail Mary attempt, my dip for the finish line, my 96th minute 3 yard tap in (No more sports analogies) “Well next time you’re free, we could always grab a drink there” PAUSE the world slows down, stop the world I wanna get off Heart is racing I can hear it amongst the commuters sniffles and splutters She says nothing which feels like an eternity (narrator - “it wasn’t, she replied immediately”) “Yknow what when I saw you on Saturday my friend said I should go after you, but at the moment I really can’t, my homelife is really complicated and messy and it wouldn’t be fair” I smiled and replied and said that’s cool my friend the same and I’d kick myself if I didn’t Her smile fuckin beamed! I felt good if not a little disappointed I apologised if I have now made our commute awkward she said I haven’t , I’ve made her day and it’s been a longgg time since she was asked out it even had a man make her smile We got off at the same spot , it wasn’t mine but I was a sweaty idiot panicked and said it was but I could walk from there We’re still talking away at this point and then she says “I tell you what, give me your number and when I can, we can go from there” I’ll take that as a little victory Yesterday I didn’t even know her name today I could have sparked the start of something or not but at least I got over the fear of asking someone I like out I could say Carpe diem but I think for this sub this suits better “He who dares Rodders, he who dares” **(editor's note- see this commenter's explanation** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17f3yh2/comment/k67i7qu/?context=3)) Netflix if you’re reading, remember my fuckin royalties **update (Same Post, 5 hours later)** She text me!! Told me I was sweet for asking her out and it’s had her smiling all day and hopefully we’ll get to know each other better I fessed up and said it wasnt my stop just an excuse to walk with her She said she knew, could tell I was nervous but it was cute and endearing Genuinely would love to reply to everyone but there’s no way so thanks to everyone . Every message has made me smile You’re all amazing 💙

Wholesome Story: Should I ask this girl out on my commute tomorrow?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17f3yh2/wholesome_story_should_i_ask_this_girl_out_on_my/

17fa2wv

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/likegracekelly **Husband is melting down over gender disappointment**  **Originally posted to r/pregnant** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!superficial misogyny!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Happy!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/HttEvldlAx)  **March 15, 2023** I am 13w5d and we had our first trimester screening last week with an NIPT test. We sprang for all the genetic testing, and this morning they called and told us everything was normal and we’re having a girl! I am elated. I didn’t have a gender preference, I think all genders have their pros and cons and children are going to be who they’re going to be. I guess I’m more excited for the closure, that during a time when so much is up in the air, we have an answer to one of the biggest questions we have. I told my husband, and he was happy at first but said he was “a little” disappointed because he wanted a boy. But as the day goes on, he’s telling me he really, really wanted a boy, more intensely than he was letting on throughout the pregnancy. Like he would make little jokes about “manifesting” that the baby is a boy and telling people that he wants the baby to be a boy. He’s reading all these articles online about gender disappointment that say what he’s going through is normal, but his gender disappointment goes DEEP. For instance, we live in the southeastern US and he’s afraid that our daughter will get subpar healthcare. Which is a very reasonable thing to worry about, as well as what if she’s LGBTQ+, and she will be mixed-race white/Black and will face discrimination for that too. But then he said he was afraid she will get predated upon, and I said that was a possibility with a boy too. And then he said that he “feels less of a bond with” our daughter because of sexist stereotypes on his part, like “what if she likes clothes shopping? I hate clothes shopping” and “you have to teach a girl how to be modest” and “I can’t teach her how to pee” (?) I told him kids are going to like what they like, you can get a girl who likes trucks and a boy who likes to paint his nails, you can influence that to an extent, but kids are going to be who they’re going to be. He also said that girls are “harder to raise,” and it’s unfortunate timing that our 12-year-old niece that we take care of got a call home from the principal right as he was saying that. I said I don’t know if girls are so much hard to raise as our niece is hard to raise. We have a small sample size and that’s just bad science lol He then said that he was hoping for a boy because he wanted to be a better father to his son than his own deadbeat father was, and he was slightly insecure about his own masculinity and wanted a son to “prove” that he could be masculine and raise a masculine son. I said he should unpack that in therapy (he has a therapist he sees once a week on Thursdays). Have any of y’all dealt with this? I searched the subreddit but most of the gender disappointment posts were from the pregnant people themselves, or relatives/friends’ gender disappointment but not the spouse. I like the advice that “he’ll feel differently when he holds her for the first time,” but . . . that’s six months from now and I gotta live with him that whole time lol. I am trying to not let him ruin my day/excitement but it’s tough. Sorry for formatting issues, I’m on mobile [Update - 7 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/Jkob0FIPuT)  **Oct 17, 2023** Long story short: in September, I gave birth to our daughter, and he is so in love with her, it’s not even funny lol. Some things I think helped with his initial gender disappointment: —He chose her name —Like some of you said, his therapist helped him realize that his anxiety was less about our daughter’s gender itself and more about his anxiety at impending parenthood. Knowing our daughter’s gender made the pregnancy “real” for him. He was freaking out because he knows what it’s like to be a boy, but a girl is the unknown of a gender he doesn’t know how to be, on top of the unknown of parenting, if that makes sense. —He got over himself about his interests not being “girly” and therefore having “nothing in common” with her, because . . . she’s a baby lol. Her interests right now are shapes, colors, and my boobs. Why it took the birth of his baby girl for him to realize this when he’s been married to me, a girl who shares his interests, for 8 years—well, we will never know —My niece is still difficult to raise lol, but he has the sense now to realize that she, or his tumultuous relationship with his sister or his mom, is not indicative of all girls/women. I should send his therapist flowers —A point of clarification: when he said he was afraid to have a girl because he didn’t like clothes shopping, that wasn’t him saying “women be shopping.” That was him saying he doesn’t know how to shop for women’s clothes. Which, fair, I’ve been a girl for 32 years and I haven’t mastered that. Where are all the pockets??? All this to say, the gender disappointment issue ended up being that he ruined one day I had back in March of this year. He loves our daughter, does not resent her for not being a boy, and didn’t leave me over his gender disappointment. I just want other parents experiencing this to know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you to everyone who weighed in, I felt really validated! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Husband is melting down over gender disappointment

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17fa2wv/husband_is_melting_down_over_gender_disappointment/

17fa5ep

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/SeanMc96 **My (27M) ex-girlfriend (26F) wants to try again** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **PREVIOUS BORU** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/k5xqro6XmZ) **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!PPD, child neglect, verbal abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15rvb08/my_27m_exgirlfriend_26f_wants_to_try_again/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug. 15, 2023** My ex-girlfriend and I first got together six years ago and from day one, we got on like two peas in a pod. Then after two and a half years together, she fell pregnant. We had spoken about kids before and we both wanted a family but not after just two years together. We spoke about it a lot, asked a few of our friends that already have kids and eventually decided to go for it. We also agreed that even if our relationship doesn't last, our child's wellbeing would always come first. Right before the lockdown in 2020, three weeks before the due date, we welcomed a perfect little girl and both of us were completely infatuated. It was a big adjustment but our girl was an angel and we settled into parenthood rather quickly. Everything was going great at first but three months later, it all changed. I was working late when I got a text from my mother to tell my mum girlfriend dropped our daughter off with her while she ran some errands but four hours later, she hadn't returned and now she wasn't answering her phone. I called too but she didn't answer me either. I got out of work, collected my daughter and went home to find a note from my girlfriend. She said that she couldn't handle the stress of lockdown and the baby and she just needed some time to clear her head. She also said not to call and that we would talk soon but days turned to weeks with no contact from her or anyone else other than her sister who visited her niece often but never mentioned my girlfriend. Fast forward three years and my ex-girlfriend is slowly starting to reach out again. It was slow at first, liking photos of our girl on Instagram and the odd comment but that was it until last week. She sent me a text saying that she had seen how well our daughter and I are doing and asking if we could meet up. I was reluctant but we agreed before our daughter was born that her wellbeing is what mattered the most so reluctantly, I agreed to meet for a coffee so she can see our girl but I'm having second thoughts. How do I forgive her for walking out on me and more importantly, on our daughter? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/160wthp/update_my_27m_exgirlfriend_26f_wants_to_try_again/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 25, 2023** As agreed, my ex and I met up a few days ago in a local cafe and I got there early to try and work out what I was going to say to her after three years. While I hadn't mentioned it in my original post, I had no intention of bringing our daughter along (my ex had contact numbers of my family members so she was with a co-worker) and when my ex arrived, she was a little disappointed but not all that surprised to see I was alone. The next few minutes mainly consisted of small talk before we eventually addressed the enormous elephant in the room. Where she had been hiding for three years of our daughtrs life? She admitted that she'd had suffered a lot with post partum depression and she couldn't bear to show it in front of our girl. She acknowledged that leaving the way she did was wrong but she wanted to be able to focus solely on herself while she got therapy. I asked why it took her three years to resurface (she sent a text for our daughter's first birthday but that was it) and she broke down admitting that she was so scared of what I thought of her for disappearing. In a way she was right to be scared because while I could come to terms with being dumped, I was furious because she left our daughter. Throughout our conversation, I could tell she's grown a lot as a person over the last few years which is something. We spoke for well over an hour and when I finally got up to leave, she asked where we stood. I told her that I appreciate that she's been really trying to turn over a new leaf but it's going to take time for me to fully move on but as a show of good faith, I showed her a video of our girl. It's about six/seven months old but it's my favourite. (It's her and one of my dad's cows mooing at each other) Just before I left, I got her phone number so we can maintain a bit of proper contact rather than through social media and I agreed to send her a couple of photos of our girl. I appreciate all the advice I got last time and I'm wondering where my ex and I go from here? My hope is that we can coexist and maintain a healthy friendship for our daughter's sake but after what happened before, it's hard to fully trust my ex. What do you guys think Side note: Two things I didn't mention to my ex. • I have zero intentions of rekindling our relationship. I'm open to co-parenting if she can prove she's not going to pull another disappearing act but that's it. I really loved her once but I'm a different person now and that ship has well and truly sailed. • At one point, I considered putting our girl up for adoption. She was about nine months at the time, I was mentally and emotionally drained, work was stressing me out and coming home to my daughter just didn't give me any joy as much as I love her. I was going through the process but one night, I looked in at her in her cot, she looked back at me and the look on her little face. A cute little smile and her blue eyes shining like I was her whole world. It told me that things would get better so I cancelled the adoption and never looked back. [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/DuPwADrVoP) **Sept 20, 2023** It's been a few weeks so I thought I'd give another update regarding progress with my ex. First off, thanks to everyone for the advice and support. It's been such a huge help. So, down to business. Per my ex's request, I accompanied her to a session with her therapist and she reassured me that she and my ex have made good progress but she still has some issues to work through. Specify, her relationship with her parents. She told me they separated and her mother had a temper but I didn't know how bad it really was. After the session, my ex left and I hung on for a minute to ask her therapist for her opinion regarding reintroducing my daughter to my ex. She recommended holding off for now and offered me a free session to talk about it so I'm going to see her next week. On a more positive note, my daughter started preschool two weeks ago, is already making friends and has been absolutely loving life. And I sent my ex a few photos of our girl to show some support so things are looking up. Thanks again to everyone that has commented so far. The support I got has been incredible. Makes the struggle of raising a child alone a little better 😇 ##**NEW UPDATE** * [Update 3](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/90dXU12rrn) **Oct 17, 2023** I didn't intend to do another update until my ex and I had made good progress but she made a confession yesterday and I don't know how to handle it. She called me yesterday morning asking if we could meet up since she had something important to tell me. I was off and kiddo was at preschool so I had half an hour to meet her. Soon after I got there, she asked me about our girl and I told her she was doing well. Moments later, she broke down and told me that she wanted to tell me why she decided to reach out so that there weren't any secrets between us. She admitted that she had been seeing a guy, I don't know his name so we'll call him Luke, for about eighteen months. I was initially pissed off at the thought of her dating while I was raising our girl alone but she was in tears so I held back. She admitted that Luke had taken her to his nephew's christening and she had a total breakdown at the sight of the baby and the thought of our daughter. She apparently got really drunk and broke down in tears before admitting to Luke that she had a child that she had basically abandoned. Apparently, she tried to distance herself from Luke after that but he stuck with her and his love and support inspired her to see a therapist and reach out to me. (I would've run a mile if I was in his shoes so he has my respect for helping her through that difficult time.) I told her I was glad she told me and happy that she has someone that is so devoted before I left to collect kiddo but now that it has fully sunk in, I can't wrap my head around it. How could she have gone off and dated someone else while I was left with our child? I've started to have second thoughts about her second chance but since I'm not going to my therapist for another week, I thought I'd share it here to hopefully get some advice because while I would like my daughter to know her mother (in some capacity anyway) I can't overlook the fact she was dating someone else while I was raising our daughter by myself. ##**OOP POSTED AN UPDATE AFTER THE BORU WAS POSTED** * [Update 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/uV889Aon8u)  **Oct 26, 2023** A few people asked for an update after I saw my therapist so here it is I spoke with my therapist about my ex and how I felt regarding the revelation of her new partner but the main thing we focused on was my daughter. He asked me to think about my ex and my daughter and what I was afraid of. I admitted that I was worried my ex would turn my daughter against me or get close and break her little heart. He talked about my daughter falling over and getting hurt. (Kids get hurt and we can't always be there when it does but they can learn from it.) The point was to remind me that my daughter knows I'm there if she gets hurt. As for my ex turning my daughter against me, he noted that there's only been one constant factor in my baby girl's life from the day she was born. Me. Her Daddy. I'm her entire world just like how she's mine. It reminded me of my brother's birthday back in the summer (she bumped her head and despite being in a room full of relatives she knows and is comfortable with, she sought me out because I was the only person she wanted at that moment.) I'm leaning more towards leaving my ex to live her life and letting my daughter decide whether she wants to reach out when she's older and has all the facts. (Her Momma left us for three years and spent half of it with another man.) Regarding child support/legal action, I'm working on it but I need to get sole custody sorted first. Should have a family court hearing in the next week or two so fingers crossed. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (27M) ex-girlfriend (26F) wants to try again

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17fa5ep/my_27m_exgirlfriend_26f_wants_to_try_again/

17fw5m4

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Ok-Appearance-5042](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ok-Appearance-5042/). She posted in r/TwoHotTakes. PLEASE read the trigger warnings/mood spoilers **Trigger Warning:** >!food tampering; leukemia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Sad. Seriously sad.!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/176kiya/i_think_my_roommate_may_be_poisoning_me/)**: October 12, 2023** (I made just this account because I don’t want anyone I know to find it, but I need help and don’t know what to do). I am a 25f and I live in Seattle. I just moved here a few months ago from NYC because of my dream job and I was so excited. I work as a data analyst and I make a very comfortable living. It felt like my life was finally all starting to fall into place. The only thing I needed was a place to live. I took to Facebook because I figured that might be the best place to find a roommate. I found this girl, let’s call her Kate (26f), and she seemed perfect. She said that her and her boyfriend (29m) were in a two bedroom apartment that was very spacious, in a great location, and we’re looking for someone to rent the room. She said she was a 7th grade English teacher and her boyfriend was a physical therapist. All her interests and hobbies seemed to align perfectly with mine, so I agreed to live with them. I moved in one month after initially finding each other and everything started off great! Kate and I were friendly and had good conversations when we would interact. One day, however, I get home and she seemed to be in a very bad mood. I asked her about it and she ignored me and walked into her room. I didn’t think anything of it, but then I receive a text from her that read “I know you want to f\*ck my boyfriend.” And that’s all she wrote. I was very confused because that was completely untrue. I have been cheated on in the past and know how devastating it is so I would never want to inflict that pain onto someone else. There were more text exchanged and everything seemed to be good, but when I saw her in person she continued to act weird, but I brushed it off. The next day, however, she began to act very nice and sweet, even offering me a smoothie because she knew I was too busy in the mornings to make breakfast. I accepted and went about my day. The smoothies continued every morning and I just thought she was being nice. Now, I am experiencing some symptoms and I’m a bit scared. My hair has started to fall out and my hormones have been all over the place. I have developed some weird stomach issues and I get headaches all the time now. This is all new to me. It may be that the move and all this change is effecting my health, but it does seem to have started around when the smoothies did. I don’t know how to catch her and see if I’m right and I don’t want to seem rude and stop accepting the smoothies if I’m wrong. I don’t know what to do. I need some advice. ***Relevant Comments:*** *SEE A DOCTOR ASAP and take the smoothie with you so they can test it:* "Wow, I didn’t realize that they would be able to test it at the hospital. That is 100% what I will do. I also do not want to be on a true crime podcast. Thank you very much! This is beyond helpful for me." *How are your nails? Have they developed ridges?* "I always have my nails manicured so I don’t really know if they look abnormal." *I hope it's something like a bad blender and not something malicious, but also get allergy tested:* "I’m also hoping it’s not malicious 🤞, but I will definitely be doing all that has been suggested!" *Rent an AirBNB and MOVE NOW:* "I have been looking for a new place. I’d rather live alone at this point!" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17b6gc5/update_i_think_my_roommate_may_be_poisoning_me/)**: October 18, 2023** Thank you to all that have expressed concerns for me and my safety. I really appreciate all the advice I received as well. I want to keep this brief as this experience has been traumatic. I took the advice to go to the hospital and did just that. I went to the hospital the day after posting and brought along the smoothie. They told me that they were unable to test the smoothie at this time, but they did give me a blood test as everything would still show up there. This would also indicate what is happening in my body and why I might be experiencing these symptoms. To make a long story short, turns out my roommate was adding some sort of creatine or protein powder into the smoothies because she wanted me to bulk up so I was no longer seen as desirable to her boyfriend (I told her about what happened at the hospital and she told me everything). That is what was causing my headaches, stomach issues, and potentially the hair loss because I’m apparently allergic to it. So, technically she was not poisoning me, just trying to make me bulky. This, however, is not the traumatic part. While the doctors were giving me all the blood tests, they found that I have leukemia. This news has been hard for me to deal with. Now, because of my new circumstances, I will be moving back home to be around family as I go through treatment. No, this was not at all how I expected this to turn out, but maybe in a way it’s a good thing. I’m not really sure, but I know I am going to be ok in the end. Thank you to everyone again for the support and concern for my well-being.

I think my roommate may be poisoning me.

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17fw5m4/i_think_my_roommate_may_be_poisoning_me/

17fw6yk

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Lia_Kim- **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **AITA for don't want to talk or see to my mother and her husband anymore??** Trigger Warnings: >!teen pregnancy, sexual assault of a minor, physical and emotional abuse, manipulation, strangulation, recording without consent, abandonment!< Mood Spoilers: >!Hopeful!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16s1qaz/aita_for_dont_want_to_talk_or_see_to_my_mother/) - **September 25, 2023** First of all, I'm sorry if there's any mistake, English is not my first language. I (19 female) live at my moms apartment. She (female 36) got married with Jhon (39 male) around 11 years ago. She starting dating him when I was 3 years old. My mom's family didn't like him, and as i was so young, my great grand mother take care of me. Some years passed and our relationship (stepfather and me) wasn't good. And either the one he has with my mom. There was some things that traumatized me a little, and my mom understood why I didn't like him. However when I was 8 one day I woke up ans as soon as I opened my eyes, I found his eyes on me and so fast he put his hand off my sheets. I didn't feel that he touched me, but it freaked me out... How many other nights he could have tried to do it?? Fast forward, at 14 i had a lot of negative feelings due to that moment. I never told my mom about it. I confronted him about it when I was 15 and he denied everything. I don't know my biological father and when I tried to ask mom about him, she slapped me and told me he didn't wanted to know anything about me. My mom always think that people who go to the psychology is people who want attention and that I was being like that. I suffered a long time alone and in silence (anxiety and depression). Never talked to anyone about it. I even started thinking that I was wrong that i imagine it or that it was my fault. As mom didn't know, he always played as the victim, that I rejected him and so on. There was moments were I noticed and understood that my mom would always take his side, not mine. I always felt uncomfortable with him touching me, being touchy with me, I feel sick. We always had a camera at homeand once he recorded me talking with a guy. After that I felt even more uncomfortable staying at home, always with the fear of being recorded. At 18 years old, a lot of things happened... First I suffered sexual abuse in the streets, a man suffocate me while masturbating. And at home his first question was: "¿what were you wearing?" Then my first work experience was horrible, my anxiety increased a lot for all the memories when I was little. One day, I received a text message from him saying he needed to say something to me but I had to remain silent, not saying it with mom. He said he was in love with me. And that the memory at had at 8 years old it indeed happened but allegedly it was just that time. That break me so hard... And I didn't talk 10 years with the trauma and another one new, my anxiety increased that much that I suffered from anorexia, I wanted to die. My mom just said I was getting thinner cause I wanted to be like the Korean girls I liked, she never knew. At 19 I finally said everything to her, it was this year in March, he blamed me for not saying anything for 11 years. She took my side for a couple of months, he begged for my forgiveness and I didn't forgive him. She said he will never be alone with me ever again. Just 2 months passed and everything is the same again. She said I'm in this moment here at home just with him even though I don't want to. I work from home and I don't make enough to move out by myself. I tried to moved a couple of moths before but my mom didn't let me. And I lost my job at that time and now I don't make enough. Besides my mom and stepfather, no one else know in my family about this. I don't want to fracture my family. But at this point, this is driving me crazy. I don't want to talk to him or my mom ever again. Am I the asshole?? &nbsp; [AITA for not telling my mom I'm going to meet my bio dad?]( https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1732q33/aita_for_not_telling_my_mom_im_going_to_meet_my/) - **October 8, 2023** I (19F) and my mom (37F) never told me anything about my bio dad. She got pregnant at 16 and my dad was 19 at that moment. And the relationship with my stepfather hasn't been the best (you could see it more detailed in my last post), and I never considered him as my dad. When I was 8 my mom found my diary where I wrote I wanted to meet my bio dad, she slapped me and told me I was crazy, he was never interested in me, and he now has other family. And it has been the same, nor mom nor grandparents never said a word to me about him. Always saying he was an asshole. I only had his name Fernando and the memory that his last name started with an I or with an E. After going through all the activity in my mom's Facebook, I found him a coupke of months ago. My mom tagged him in one of my photos around 13 years ago. Fast forward this Tuesday, I finally texted him. And he answered me just 10 min after. He asked if we could have a video call. At the moment he saw me, he started crying. He said I was huge and beautiful, he was so grateful that I texted him and that he was indeed my father. We continue talking and just after 4 days, even though he is in another country, Switzerland to be precise, he bought tickets to come here and meet me in person. He agreed to do the paternity test I suggested and pay for it. Today is Sunday, he will arrive tomorrow in the afternoon, and on Tuesday, one week before the first messagehe will meet. Of course I'll be going with a friend and my boyfriend with other 3 friends will have my location, just in case... However my mom doesn't know anything about this... And I don't know how or when to tell her... I'm scared if I tell her before meeting him, she wouldn't let me go or even kicking me out of the house... So AITA for not telling my mom I'm going to meet my bio dad?? **Relevant Comments** ***nickis84:** NTA- Can you couch surf with friends or stay with other family?From your mom's previous reaction, she's going to be angry and possibly throw you out when she finds out.* *Be prepared to find out that mom has been lying for years. Dad could have simply asked for a paternity test and mom lost it.* > **OP:** Yes, I'm looking for places to rent, just a room for the moment. And also a friend who knows the situation and told me I can stay over in case I get kicked out. Cause yes, that's the most possible reaction. I hope everything goes fine! Thanks! &nbsp; [Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17aygry/update_aita_for_not_telling_my_mom_im_meeting_my/) - **October 18, 2023** First of all, thank you everyone for your comments, they help me a LOT! So, I met him! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I can't express how happy and amazed I am. He is a incredible person. I went with 2 friend (F40 and M21), we take the paternity test (he paid) and we needed to wait 4 business day to have the answer, that day he invited us to lunch, he eat and went home, he told me a LOT about him and I understood why I do, I behave and I love some things the way I do. From him. We videocall every single day, he ask me about my day and all of that. Fast forward to yesterday, we went for the results, he is my bio dad. With 99.99% of compatibility he is. We cried so much. He apologized for all the time he lost with me, all the experiences he missed, and he assured me he wants to be my father. He said me he will start paying for a couple of my things as is his responsibility and that I should tell him if I need or want something. As we both are super anime fans he bought me a one piece t-shirt, gave me 3 of his first comics, a couple of Switzerland candies and the little prince book in French (language I'm learning and the one people speak where he lives). He wants me to start moving things (passport, drivers license and which carrier I want to study there) so I can go next summer to enjoy Europe with him and his girlfriend (who I already met via videocall and also knows I'll be there next year). I haven't told mom yet, I just made the comment I would love to look for my bio dad, she said, she hasn't done anything with his life and I shouldn't be looking desperately to be loved, but that I can do whatever I want. She also finally "accept" the fact I'm going to therapy, which is a relief for me. I know I need to tell her, I'll be going there next summer. But I have no f*ing idea how. **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for don't want to talk or see to my mother and her husband anymore??

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17fw6yk/aita_for_dont_want_to_talk_or_see_to_my_mother/

17fw87e

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Agreeable_Ask4480 **I have a backup plan. Before my bf started dating me seriously he knew this. Now that he is my fiance, he wants me to get rid of it. I'm not doing it and I don't understand why I should.** **Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Divorce Trauma, mentions of financial abuse!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!communication saves the day!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/onJpfaYeRn)  **Oct 8, 2023** I have always had a backup plan. My backup plan includes a place to live, money for general expenses and a rainy day fund. It's more complicated than that but that the jist of it. I like having it and I have explained to previous partners that I have one and I let me them decide if they're OK with it. My fiance knew this before he started dating me exclusively. He knew that if we ever got married, I would require a prenuptial agreement and a request that this backup plan stays intact. A couple days ago, he told me he wasn't ok with this plan any longer. I don't think that's fair.He comes from a wealthy family and the prenuptial agreement protects him and I should have something that protects me. I'm actually finding myself really angry about this because I was an open book about this every step of the way and now i feel like hes changed his mind. He says that having this plan makes it seem like I will leave him while I think it protects me. I'm annoyed because it's not fair to me to change your mind when you knew my expectations from the very beginning. Edit- I put this post up because I was annoyed that he essentially told me this on Friday minutes before our meeting with the lawyers. I was and am annoyed, but he follows my reddit account so throwaway. I don't tell every person about this plan, only ones that I've gotten serious with, which is a grand total of 2. The backup plan is complicated, but it doesn't screw him over in any way. It protects me and i would be paying for the property and still contributing the same amount that he would be to our household expenses and savings. Now that he knows what the plan entails in depth, he wants to just not sign anything on both sides. This is a bad idea. I would be unprotected, but so would he, and he has way more than I do. He feels like i have one foot out the door. I dont, i love him but my dad is a divorce lawyer and from what I've heard and seen, better to protect yourself and not need it than no protection and then have to pick up the pieces. Both of our parents agree that a prenuptial is needed. I'm not getting rid of this plan. There is not anything that would make me compromise about this. I told him he has a decision to make because I'm not changing my mind. Yes, I told him about this post as more people have seen it. Rather, he finds out about it from me than someone else or just being on reddit. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/u/Agreeable_Ask4480/s/8bgeJwZT59)  **Oct 18, 2022** I am making an update because i had people keep messaging me asking about it. I had to split it into two parts. It wont let me post as one. When I made the first post, I was angry because I felt like I had been deceived. I was honest with my fiance from the start and I felt like he had pulled the wool over my eyes. But I understand his perspective now and he understands mine. It never crossed our minds to break up and i think we both needed some time to think. I understand this is reddit but please don't bash my partner. I understand I was vague but to call him names and try to tear down his character when you don't know him is not ok. I also dont know why i am clarifying things. Its honestly a little therapeutic. To clarify some things about my backup plan(i called it that because i started it at 25), I have had it for about 10 years now. I'm in my mid 30s. It is an emergency savings account, another savings account, and a property I own. I use my main job to pay for my household expenses with my fiance and also to fill my main savings. I have a trust but also investments as well but my dad helps me handle those. The emergency savings is only money from additional contract jobs I take on in my profession. The other savings account is only money from rental income, some of which i use to maintain the property and pay my dad back. The property is a multifamily home and I rent out all the units but one. The property was bought by my dad when i was 24 and I have been paying him back the purchase price with no interest for a couple of years now. The property is worth a great amount now but my dad would only accept what he paid for it from me. He took out a loan for me because he wanted me to be set up financially. Im paying him back even though he already paid the loan off a long time ago. There's no way I would be able to buy that property now, or even 5 years ago since house prices have skyrocketed where I live and im grateful that my dad did that for me. I will finally pay off the loan in about 8 months and before i get married. It's taken me so long to pay my dad back because he insisted that I prioritize setting myself up financially rather than paying him back. The property is also a 15 min walk to the nearest hospital and close to the city center so it is easy to rent out to medical students. I keep one unit open because of events. I make a killing when there are events or when big artists tour and two examples are the recent Beyonce and Taylor swift tours where I made alot on the days they were in my city. If there are no events where I think I can make a good amount, I rent it out to travel nurses in 3-4 month periods once or twice a year but realistically, there could be a couple weeks or 2-3 continuous months during the year where it sits empty. Overall though, i make a substantial amount from this property. I can't take credit for this strategy because my dad is the one who helped me set up the apartments and manage it. My partner and I come from vastly different economic backgrounds. His family has generational wealth and he can't remember a time they didn't. I grew up firmly middle class, until my parents' divorce and then it was a struggle for a while. His home life was relatively stable with a mom and dad. On the other hand, my dad tried his best but my birth mom made my childhood tumultuous both emotionally and mentally. The difference with how we think about money became very noticeable when we were planning our wedding. We had been discussing what type of flowers we would like and then I started talking about the budget and stated that I thought 30-40k was good overall to pay for a wedding and an amount where we could easily afford it. He thought I meant 30-40k for flowers and he and his parents didn't budge at the amount and just said ok. I clarified what I meant and I would never ever pay that amount for just flowers. When it comes to the plan, my fiance knew about it as soon as we were exclusive. I don't agree with people saying I shouldn't have told him. To protect my assets in the prenuptial agreement, I had to. I also told him because I felt he deserved to know. As we got more serious, especially with marriage, I told him more after talking to my dad and finding out what was ok to say so that he understood the extent of the plan. The reason I kept saying the backup plan was complicated was due to the prenup my dad came up with. It is very long and protects me very well and my fiance was, in his view, not prepared for the extent of it. My dad and I went to this extent due to what he had seen people do in divorces but also mainly due to his divorce that affected us both. It didn't help that I further joked that my dad tried to cover for any loopholes, including asking his associates to look over the document and revising it if one was found. What I saw as protection, my fiance saw as me having an out since my dad went to such an extent. The short part of it is that my fiance was insecure about it. He grew up with a dad as the breadwinner and he was raised with this idea that he should be a provider and my plan rattled him because it showed him that financially I didn't really need him. He told me he didnt realize how much of himself he had tied into this provider role and felt extremely insecure because he didn't know what he now brought to the relationship. When he found out about the sometimes empty unit, he felt more uneasy because he, even though i have and will always have a job, wanted and planned to take care of me. His idea of scrapping both prenups was his way of trying to say that he trusted me and that i should trust him. If he was willing to go without a prenup knowing I could get a substantial amount of his assets, then it would show me that he would never try to hurt me financially or otherwise. I told him I saw it at the time as extremely manipulative due to him doing it before we met with the lawyers and he apologized because he honestly just panicked. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/u/Agreeable_Ask4480/s/auPxhO3rgS)  **Oct 18, 2023** I explained the reasons i wanted a prenup. The first was because I was with him when his brother got a divorce and to put it nicely, the brother's ex-wife financially got eviscerated. I'm not going to talk about their relationship but financially, she just kept being taken back to court over and over until she said she couldn't afford a lawyer anymore. From the way his brother bragged about it, she wasn't left destitute but she paid a significant amount in legal fees and left with a far smaller settlement. His family would have bankrupted her because they had the wealth to wait her out. They could have gone to court forever and they had a prenup. His brother's divorce was never on his radar as a reason why I was so persistent about the prenup. Bascially what i said was there was a disparity in wealth here and i know he would never do this to me but i would feel better protected with one. The second reason is that though my dad is a divorce lawyer and upper middle class now, he went through a pretty bad divorce with my birth mom and i witnessed it for 3 years. My dad is first generation, married young and had no prenup. What i saw from 9-12 was my birth mom(i no longer consider her a parent) completely try to annihilate my dad and she didnt care that her child's wellbeing was on the line. She didnt care what financial damage she did even to herself as long as my dad suffered. Im talking wiping out savings, taking loans and maxing out credit cards, getting tickets and getting the car towed by parking in an incorrect place and leaving the car to accumulate fees. She called cps, said my dad was a pedophile, and turned on me when i wouldnt back up her lies and all of this financially devastated my dad for years during and after the divorce. We were struggling for years and I think people dont realize how quickly you can go from stable, even upper class to nearly homeless or homeless. People dont realize if you have never been in that postion before how an ugly divorce not only devastates people financially but also socially and professionally. My dad lost clients and lost income and it took many years to rebuild it back. We only survived because my grandmother(dad's side) sold her home. I told my fiance that i bascially went from having a parent who showed me love for 9 years to a person who hated me and decided to destroy two people(my dad and me) because a marriage ended. There was no way to stop her and a prenup could have stopped alot of the financial damage. I again told him i knew he wouldnt do this to me but i needed him to understand where i was coming from. Also if anyone reading this says im damaged from this and should have been in therapy from age 9, I know but it's hard to pay for therapy when you're poor. It is the last priority over having a roof over your head and food and basic necessitites. I did get into therapy when I was 19. My fiance and I talked over several days and anytime he had a question or needed clarification, i answered it. I didnt realize how much seeing the extensive prenup affected him and he didnt realize why i was so insistent on it. Overall he knows that though i love and trust him, that i have to protect myself and he should too. He knows why I'm insistent on signing a prenup but also knows that im choosing to be with him based on who he is as a person and not what he can provide for me. I now understand why he felt insecure and i have tried to alleviate that and im constantly reassuring him of the reasons im with him. I also asked him to come see the property and unit with me and he was really excited about that. I told him that i dont plan on us breaking up ever and i have a plan for leaving the assets to our future children. Finally i really see how, when it comes to people he loves, he leads with emotion while im more logical so we both are going to try to be more mindful of that as we move forward. We both finally signed the prenups and his only stipulation was to stop calling mine a "backup plan" and instead call it a "I'm never going to need this" plan. We are good, and im glad this happened because it showed both of us that we need to work on our communication more outside of our counseling. We are going to keep planning our wedding and im excited to begin this next part of our lives together. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I have a backup plan. Before my bf started dating me seriously he knew this. Now that he is my fiance, he wants me to get rid of it. I'm not doing it and I don't understand why I should

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17fw87e/i_have_a_backup_plan_before_my_bf_started_dating/

17g948m

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/misleadingdrama](https://www.reddit.com/user/misleadingdrama/). He posted in [r/AITAH](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/) **Trigger Warning:** >!abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but hopeful ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1792atr/aitah_for_misleading_my_cousin_and_destroying_his/)**: October 16, 2023** Throwaway for anonymity. There's some really weird drama in my family and I feel like I'm going insane. So. Here's the background: my family is a little unusual. There are three adults and two children. The adults are me, my wife, and another woman best described as my wife's platonic life partner (and also my very dear friend). I'll call the partner Sally. Sally has lived with us for twenty years. The kids call her Ma. We live in a four-bedroom house and Sally and the kids each have their own bedrooms. Sally is aromantic and asexual. She and my wife love each other very much, but platonically. Sally is like a sister to me. I cannot overstate how incredibly platonic her relationships with both of us have always been. We're all very happy together. I've been super glad we have her since we had the kids - parenting is so much easier when you have a numbers advantage. My cousin "Dave" has been married to his wife "Mary" for something like fifteen years. They have two kids. Dave talked Mary into "opening the relationship" about a year ago, and now they're getting divorced because he's struggling to find anyone willing to date him, Mary isn't, and he's incredibly pissy about it and it's destroying their relationship. And by *it's* I kinda mean *he's*. He's jealous and resentful and making that her problem. And also, now, mine, because he says it's my fault. According to him, he thought it would totally work great because my family "make polygamy and open relationships look easy". Which. What? Setting aside that Sally's relationships with both my wife and me are platonic - there's no *open relationship* in our household. Sally and I each get a weekly date night with my wife. (I take the kids on her night, she takes them on mine - I did say parenting is easier with the numbers advantage. I think my wife and I have significantly more quality time together than we would if it was just the two of us. When the kids can't sleep, they go to Sally, so my wife and I are never disturbed after we go to bed. Sometimes Sally and I go to games together, and my wife takes the kids then because she's not into sportsball.) No-one is our house is dating anyone from outside it. These are committed relationships that are, to all intents and purposes, *exclusive*. None of us has ever mentioned seeing anyone else. Even if we were - which, again, we're NOT - I don't see how that would make me responsible for him treating Mary terribly because he's jealous. Somehow he was apparently convinced that he and his beer gut would get all the girls but no men would be interested in a charming, kind woman who keeps herself in reasonable shape and bakes the best cupcakes you will ever taste. I'd have dismissed this out of hand, but my aunt (his mother) and *like six other family members* agree that I'm the AH and have been insisting I should apologise to my idiot cousin *and* help him talk Mary into closing the relationship and staying with him. I like Mary. We've been friends for twenty years and she's good people. Also friends with my wife and Sally and a wonderful aunt to my kids. Given the choice between her and Dave, I'd keep Mary in the family along with her kids. Someone in my family is insane, here. Is it me or them? Who's the AH? **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/179s0rm/update_aitah_for_misleading_my_cousin_and/)**: October 17, 2023 (Next Day)** If it's too soon for an update, mods, I'll be happy to delete this. I think I just need to type it out to get some kind of clarity on what the f just happened. I posted [https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1792atr/aitah\_for\_misleading\_my\_cousin\_and\_destroying\_his/](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1792atr/aitah_for_misleading_my_cousin_and_destroying_his/) literally last night. I was going to check it this evening. After I hit post we were having dinner, getting the kids to bed, etc. It feels like it was a week ago now. Sorry in advance, it's gone pretty dark. tl;dr: my cousin Dave persuaded his wife Mary to open their relationship, now he's pissed she's dating and he isn't, he was blaming me because he claims my extremely closed relationship situation made open relationships look easy just because there's a third adult in my family, a bunch of other people were hassling me to take the blame. So far, so stupid, right? Turns out that unbeknownst to me Dave's sister "Tina" reads this sub. A lot. And she saw my post and immediately figured out that it was me, posting about her brother, and she won't tell me if she was one of the commenters or not but for those of you who called that Dave was the "golden child" Tina says you were right on the money. (She called me this morning.) And, like, she seemed to find that really validating and I have literally never heard her sound so happy, she's usually pretty depressed, so thanks, everyone who decided to read into their family dynamics, you did her a solid. That was about 8am. I had to get off the phone to head to work, and then at about 10 I got a text from my wife that just said COME HOME NOW. I got another one just as I was starting the car that said THE KIDS ARE FINE which I really appreciate, because that at least let me change gears from PANIC to CONCERN. At some point we might discuss that, like... it would be good to include that in the first text. Anyway. Not the point. I got home as fast as I safely could. I pulled up on the verge and tried to go in the front door, but the handle's broken. Mary's car was parked in the driveway. I had to go in through the garage. Inside there was my wife, Mary, and Mary's eldest Jack (M12). Mary was banging around the kitchen and Jack was crying on my wife. As I understand it, what happened was. Just before she called me, Tina texted her brother a link to the post and made smoe kindof comment about it, I don't know what exactly she said, but Dave went into a *rage*. Like the kind I thought he grew out of when we were teenagers, breaking shit and screaming. I thought the last time he did it was the time he hit my little brother and I beat the shit out of him. (I'm not saying it was right, but we were kids. I'm also not saying I'm sorry, tbh.) And then he hit Mary. She's got a bruise coming up on her face. Fuck, I'm shaking writing this. I feel like it's my fault. I can't remember if we told her that he used to be like that. We honestly thought he'd grown out of it. Mary managed to get the kids in the car and drove straight to our place because she knew there'd be someone home. Sally's a stay-at-home mother and my wife works from home some days and there's just generally someone home. Dave followed and tried to force his way in. Apparently my expensive security door was worth the money because he managed to damage the handle but the door stayed closed. Seems he gave up and ran when my wife yelled that I was on my way home. Jack burst into tears while he and I were moving furniture, so we talked and hugged for a bit and now he's having a lie down in my bed because he was kinda wrung out. We're waiting for a locksmith as well to fix the door. After that we're going to take him and Mary to the police station to make a report and give statements and whatever's involved in all that. Sally took our kids and Mary's youngest to my parents' place in case Dave came back, they're too young for this shit, but Jack refused to leave his mother. We're going to meet up with them after the police station. Those of you who said we should adopt Mary are getting their wish, at least for now. Jack's going to be sleeping in my youngest's big boy bed. The kidlet gets to stay in his cot and sleep in Sally's room for a bit, and Mary's youngest and my eldest will be sharing a room because they're only a few months apart and they get on well. Mary's sleeping on our couch until we get all this figured out. My youngest will probably think this is the best day ever. He hates his big boy bed and he's going to get a reprieve from the transition, plus he gets to share a room with his Ma *and* there's cupcakes in the house because Mary stress-bakes and our kitchen counter is covered in cupcakes. I should add that according to Tina Dave was telling his family that I talked him into the open marriage thing specifically because I wanted to sleep with Mary. Plus a bunch of other shit that I've honestly forgotten, it's been an absolute shit of a day and it's only half past two. I'm pretty sure I just acquired a twelve-year-old son ten years early and seriously messed up, at least for a while, and I have to figure out how I'm going to fit Jack's needs into my life without neglecting my own kids. I can't even tell if I'm exaggerating, Jack's a wreck and maybe those "please be my dad now" vibes are temporary but maybe they're not, you know? Gonna end this now before I start rambling. Or keep rambling, I don't even know. Thanks everyone for all of your input. Don't be mad at Tina, I don't think there's any way she could have predicted Dave would lose his mind. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17asddn/final_update_aitah_for_misleading_my_cousin_and/) **2: October 18, 2023 (Next day, 2 days from OG post)** I didn’t think another update would be necessary but I forgot to log out of this account and my inbox says I was wrong. First of all, update on events for the people who were concerned: Mary and the kids will not be staying with us, as charming an idea as that is. This weekend her brother will be coming to pick them up and they’ll be going to live with Mary’s parents for now. They live about six hours out of town so it’s not an easy dropoff. We’re looking for a counselor for Jack who does telehealth, because there aren’t really any in her parents’ small town. I don’t know what’s happening with the legal stuff. It’s only been a couple of days, I’m not sure anyone entirely knows. There were a few general themes in the comments/DMs I got, so I’m going to do some collective replies. Those of you who were worried about Mary and the kids: Thank you. Hopefully they’ll be okay. Her family is rallying round and mine and my wife’s are all taking her side, so. Those of you who thought this was all fake: ok? Not sure what you want me to do with that. The person who kept spamming me with “hi Liz”: how did you not realise you had the wrong username for over 24 hours what the hell. Those of you who thought the story was unrealistic because I was too heroic throughout: hot damn, thank you for noticing what a goddamn hero I am. What was your favourite part in all my heroics? The part where I was a shithead teenager with anger issues, the part where I got a text message and came home after all the drama was over or the part where a traumatised child burst into tears and I panicked so badly I thought it meant I had to be his dad now? When they make the movie I want Hugh Jackman to play me. The people posting their harem/sister wives fantasy shit: you’re as bad as Dave, but I’ll allow that you spell better. If you can’t even imagine the possibility that a man could have friends who are women he doesn’t fuck that’s a you problem. If you can’t imagine that even when one of the women involved is aromantic and asexual you might BE a problem. The people who were concerned I was endangering Mary and the kids by putting it in a post that Dave might see that they were in my house where he already knew they were: since he already knew, I don’t think so. For all the people who’ve been kind and sympathetic: thank you. You don’t deserve all the sarcasm in this post and it’s not directed at you. You’re all lovely. I’m just tired. ***Relevant Comment:*** *OMG someone thought you were Liz, I'm so sorry:* "I figured they were confused? Who is Liz, I thought I was on top of Reddit memes but I mostly go to basketball subs." **Editor's note:** The **Liz thing** is in reference to this post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16r1la6/my_wife_is_addicted_to_making_up_reddit_stories/). It has to do with a husband who caught his wife making up reddit posts.

AITAH for "misleading" my cousin and "destroying his marriage"?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17g948m/aitah_for_misleading_my_cousin_and_destroying_his/

17g97v8

**I am still not the Original Poster. That is** [u/TAnotanincubator](https://www.reddit.com/user/TAnotanincubator/). She posted in [r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/) New post marked with \*\*\*\*\* Previous BORU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16dw1ua/my_35f_husband_36m_wants_to_keep_everyone_away/) **Trigger Warnings:** >!verbal and emotional abuse; mental health issues!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!generally hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/166k1rj/my_35f_husband_36m_wants_to_keep_everyone_away/)**: August 31, 2023** Apologies for the long post, I just want to present the circumstances fairly. Also, I have no idea whether this actually needs to be said, but please don't post this elsewhere. **(Editor's note- I have OOP's permission to post and she clarified in the comments of the OG BORU post that she meant do not share** ***outside*** **of reddit.)** Even before I got pregnant, my husband has always been very concerned with the safety of our children. We've had conflict over the year about it, mostly due to how he chooses to handle the conversations about such decisions. He will, from my perspective, come out of the blue with a hard line statement (e.g. "We're not doing X with the baby ever," or "I don't want Y to happen until they're such-and-such age"), and then he characterizes any questioning on my end as fighting him. I want to be on the same page with parenting choices, so it feels wrong not to even ask his reasons or to provide counterpoints when it seems like he's being a bit extreme and not really considering the whole picture. His opinions in this area usually involve something that *I* have to do differently, and he will misrepresent any resistance as unwillingness to sacrifice for our child the way he would. I am currently 35 weeks pregnant, and last night when we were watching TV my husband just randomly stated that he didn't want anyone visiting the baby until she is six weeks old. I asked if that included my mother, and he said it did. When I asked his reasons, he mentioned germs and safety, so I looked up some advice from doctors online (which just advised caution with out of town guests, and to set boundaries for contact) and he said I was only doing that to prove him wrong. I said I'd like to ask our midwife, and he said that I was just using that to stall and get my own way since the appointment isn't until next week. I asked him why safety is a concern once the baby is born, but he's apparently fine with my mom being in the room during the birth itself, and apparently this is just...different? The conversation eventually came to a standstill and we paused it for the night. He left the room and texted me a lot of negative things, but nothing was really out of line until he said that he'd do anything for our child so why am I not willing to just do what he asks? This is something I've called him out for more than once, presenting himself as some martyr and me as a villain who won't put her child first. This is completely and verifiably untrue, but he doesn't care when he's been questioned. I spent a long time after we went to bed trying to empathize with his feelings and think about a middle ground. We picked up where we left off this afternoon, and he explained he handled it badly because he didn't realize how little margin he had last night, but he didn't change his opinion at all. I offered to compromise by keeping the baby isolated for the entirety of his time off (2.5 weeks PTO, since he doesn't get paternity leave), and when he goes back to work I'll have my mom come by now and then to help me out. She won't stay the night and she will respect whatever boundaries we set, even to the point of keeping a change of clothes for her at the apartment so she doesn't bring outside germs. I asked him not to choose, just to take time to consider it. He rejected this immediately and said I was trying to force his hand when he only wanted to keep the baby safe. I reminded him that not only did I not find any information supporting his view on complete isolation, but my mom especially is very respectful of boundaries and rules regarding other people's children. He brought up several issues with my family that mostly were due to him not actually stating a boundary but expecting them to follow it. I also reminded him that I've bent over backwards to make sure he felt acknowledged as an equal parent and that I don't just tell him how things are going to be. He didn't have much to say to that. The conversation kind of went around and around, he started getting dismissive and a bit mean, I started raising my voice, etc. We both left the room, but when he returned, he said he was tired of the conflict and just agreed to the compromise on the condition of my mom not kissing the baby, which I had already reassured him of. This would be fine, except that I know this will come up again, and he is going to complain about being railroaded and that he just gets beaten down when all he wants is what is best for the baby. It may be pride on my part, but I have next to no tolerance for people trying to manipulate me by twisting a situation like that. I'm not some monster that forced his hand, I actually spent time thinking about his feelings and tried to prioritize him as a father. Anyway, I was angry, so I was a bit spiteful and just told him either actually spend time thinking on the compromise or we will just do whatever he wants because I'm over the argument. He doubled down on being a victim and went to work, and I'm just angry and over it. A few bits for clarity that I couldn't fit in: 1. This is a low risk pregnancy, no issues with the baby thus far, and no reason to suspect premature birth. So the safety concerns are not for a baby that is any more at risk than the average. 2. He keeps the same energy with his own family, including his mom. He doesn't want ANYONE outside of us to be around the baby for that time, and he clarified that he isn't keeping my mom away out of fairness either. 3. I told him while I understand the desire for safety, I really need my mom for emotional support. I am already showing signs of perinatal depression and anxiety. It is not to a level of real concern yet, but I have no idea how birth will affect me, and a big part of why my symptoms aren't as bad right now is because my mom is around so often. He basically spent the rest of the conversation saying he already knew that, but now he can't rely on me or trust me because I don't know how I'll handle things mentally. He also said he didn't understand why I needed her there because he would already do everything even while he's working, and implied that I don't really have to do much because he'd be there. I don't think he means that last part the way he said it, but it was still uncalled for. 4. My husband and my mom get along quite well. The worst thing he's ever said about my mom is just that she didn't seem to want to chat with him one morning. There has never been any conflict between them, so I don't think its about my mom at all. 5. A lot of issues like this come up due to his OCD. I am flexible enough as a person to handle the intricacies of the disorder, but I really struggle with being both sympathetic and also not a doormat when it comes to how he chooses to communicate and handle his feelings. He can't help how he feels about this, but I think it's reasonable to expect him to be respectful when he communicates with me about those feelings. 6. A lot of his safety/wellness concerns come from his own past. He and his brother were born prematurely and have lasting health problems due to his father being a source of stress and abusive towards his mother. Many of the things he wants to do for our child are a direct correlation to things his parents didn't do for him, or things he didn't get that a child deserves to have. That's why this issue is so delicate. 7. This is not an everyday issue. He is usually very supportive of me and does care about my feelings. It's just when he gets something in his mind that bothers him, he puts me to the side and refuses to reconsider because he's now correlated his own issue to the safety of the baby and it's nonnegotiable. I genuinely feel at a loss. Am I being unreasonable here? I don't think it would be right for me as a parent to not ask questions when he makes a decision that affects the family. I want him to care about what is best for me as well as what is best for the baby, and not essentially tell me to get over it and to make sacrifices like him, but I feel like I'm already doing that. How can I be respectful of his feelings as an active father but also not leave myself without extra support? How can I help him understand that the health of the mother affects the health of the baby? ***Relevant Comments:*** *What is he doing to manage his OCD?* "He's come a long way from when we met as far as handling his OCD, mostly due to me confronting him about it in the past. But outside of me giving him alternative methods to cope, he's not gotten significant help for it. This is a concern I've brought up to him before, that he'd damage his child emotionally while trying to protect them physically. I know it's serious, and it is something I obviously need to address again. I plan to push individual therapy for both of us." *More about husband and brother and their father:* "I've asked my husband before whether he thought his father always just had evil intentions, or if he genuinely (wrongly) thought he was doing what was best as a dad. He knows there is likely some similarity between how they handled the stresses of fatherhood, and I will definitely be reminding him that his father continually refused therapy for his own trauma, and now both of his sons want nothing to do with him." *This is a partnership. Does he always act like this with decisions?* "It's sad because we are usually great about discussing things and resolving them, but things like this just randomly come up and it's like he forgets who he married and chose to have a family with." *To people who say she shouldn't have married him if he displayed this behavior from day 1:* "That is hard to read, but I can appreciate your perspective. He wasn't this way from the beginning, just a few incidents here and there, but I watched him genuinely improve over time in a meaningful way. Even now, these problems arise and we usually deal with them a lot better than we have this one. I know I should have pushed therapy for him and for myself a long time ago, and I do regret that. I do have a limit though, and if he doesn't choose to do this work for the sake of his child and himself, I will do what I have to to protect my child." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/168j3li/update_my_35f_husband_36m_wants_to_keep_everyone/)**: September 2, 2023 (2 days later)** My previous post can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/166k1rj/my_35f_husband_36m_wants_to_keep_everyone_away/) I want to thank everyone who commented for their support and advice. It was really important for me to think on how I needed to step up for my child and address my husband's problematic behaviors before they go too far. I want them to have the best of both parents, and that can't happen without me being proactive when he gets panicked and controlling. I took some time away with my mom after posting here the other day, and I shared our conversation with her. She was understandably angry and worried for me. She assured me that she and my father will always be there to step in if he doesn't get himself together. I ended up showing her my post and the comments, and she was glad that other people recognized how unhealthy this situation is. She did say I seem a lot more demure in my writing than I am in real life, so I wanted to clarify that though I was conflicted about how to handle things with my husband, I was coming from a place of feeling guilty for possibly being selfish rather than actually considering just doing ridiculous things simply because he demands it. I am not conflict-averse, but I like to compromise when I can to avoid the trouble. This is obviously one of those areas where compromise cannot be made in favor of his fear. I understand that now, and I thought very hard on how to approach our resolution to this issue. He asked to resolve things yesterday. He began by explaining that his demand had come from a place of being absolutely overwhelmed, but that wasn't an excuse to act the way he did. He backed off of the ultimatum completely. He said he wants what is best for the baby and for me, and that he would just like people visiting to observe basic boundaries that I had already reassured him would be followed to the letter. He apologized unreservedly for his behavior, and said he was so worried because he knew if anything bad happened to his child, it would just break him. I was really affected by a lot of the comments and I tried to keep your advice in mind when I responded. When he was finished, I told him I understood that he was coming ultimately from a place of concern, but he needs to consider how this attitude will affect his child in the future. It won't just magically disappear, it will continue unless he decides to get help. I told him he needs to weigh the importance of his child's mental health at least as equal to their physical health, and I asked him how different he thought his own life would be now if both of his parents had gotten therapy. I also told him his father probably felt a similarly concerned about him and his brother, but that made him miserable and vindictive, and they've been fully NC because of that for decades now. I think that part really got to him, honestly. He said he doesn't want to be anything like his father, so I told him the solution is therapy for him and reminded him that I am also planning to go to therapy so I can give our child the best of myself. He waffled a bit about it, saying he had already planned to go again but had put it on the back burner for the sake of taking care of medical needs so he could continue to provide. Normally I would have let this go, but I pressed him and said our child deserves for him to prioritize this sooner rather than later, and he needs to go in the next month or so. He agreed to this, and I felt that he was too stressed to handle me rehashing every detail where he messed up, so I prioritized the necessary information. I believe this made an impression on him, and I will be continuing to push him to get help and to learn better ways of handling his OCD. I don't think he will, but if he regresses, at least I have my family close by to support me and they will intervene if needed. Thank you again for all of your help. **\*\*\*\*\*New Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/TAnotanincubator/comments/17a8kbo/final_update_my_35f_husband_36m_wants_to_keep/)**: October 17, 2023 (1.5 months later)\*\*\*\*\*** First, I want to thank those who were concerned about my post ending up in another sub since I had asked for it not to be shared elsewhere. I was surprised to see it, but I was more concerned about my post ending up somewhere outside of Reddit than on another sub. Thank you as well to the commenters who were worried for me and my child, and those who offered invaluable advice. I genuinely appreciate it and I have taken many of your suggestions into account. As for the update, things have definitely changed since the baby was born, thankfully for the better. Husband was put to the test immediately when we had to rush to the hospital to induce due to some complications, and he had to trust and support me during a difficult labor when he couldn't do anything besides be there with my mom to encourage me. Once my post birth issues were resolved, we talked again about visitation and he was a *lot* more reasonable. I think he realized that he would rather me have support than to be alone when he can't be there to help the baby and myself. He knows he can't do everything, and he's learned to rely on others better. He's even found reasonable compromise on my dad visiting the baby despite his health issues (under the guidance of our pediatrician, of course). Baby is perfectly healthy and happy now that we are finally home. We've actually scheduled several visits with my family members and his to see the baby. He's done very well with articulating his boundaries and letting people show they respect them. I do want to clarify that my husband is well aware he will be going to therapy now that we can afford it, and I think his reaction to the actual birth of his child really solidified how much he needs those coping skills to improve. He has been working hard on articulating his intrusive thoughts as concerns and suggestions instead of demands on me. He has started to approach these things as a conversation, which is as it should be. He is also doing extremely well with being more verbally supportive of me, and showing that he rightfully trusts me as a mother. I completely understand why people might not believe the change, and that's okay He's still in the process of proving himself in the long term. I am being vigilant to push my husband to communicate in a healthy way and I challenge him when he seems to be speaking out of fear or making extreme decisions on his own. He's genuinely doing better right now but I'll make sure he does right by his child and allows himself to be the father he wants to be. I feel like I really have a partner now and I won't let that stop for any reason. I'm very hopeful for my marriage and for the future. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read all this. I wish nothing but health and happiness to all of you.

NEW UPDATE: My (35f) husband (36m) wants to keep everyone away once our baby is born, including my mother.

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17g97v8/new_update_my_35f_husband_36m_wants_to_keep/

17ga87m

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/NoCockroach8154 **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **My boyfriend gave me a pros and cons list ABOUT ME as part of our anniversary present.** Trigger Warnings: >!misogyny, slut shaming, hypocrisy!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/178r3vr/my_boyfriend_gave_me_a_pros_and_cons_list_about/?share_id=T_V0-0GIQlM-l7ePiFKCZ&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 15, 2023** I'm going to write a fair bit of backstory because I think it's relevant, but I'll put a TLDR at the bottom. I met my boyfriend on Tinder in the beginning of my freshman year of college. I was a very naive 18 year old. I'd been on dates, but I'd never been in a relationship and I hadn't even had my first kiss yet. I was pretty miserable my first couple of weeks after move in, and so I got Tinder, and there I matched with a bunch of guys who went to my school. One of them I thought was pretty attractive. He was a junior and a brother in a good (but notorious) frat. He told me to come to his frats party, so I went with some girls I'd met at orientation. There he took me upstairs and we made out, but I think he could tell I was very inexperienced so nothing more happened. I pretty much fell in love with him (even though we'd said about 3 words to each other). I didnt see him until a couple of weeks later when he invited me to a party he was throwing. I was expecting us to at least hook up, but when we got there he was clearly with another girl, and there were tons of other random girls who I assume he was also hooking up with. I was naive but not an idiot, so I forced myself to get over it, and I didn't see him until my spring semester, when I drank too much and he ended up at my dorm and I lost my virginity to him. I didn't see him again until fall semester of my sophomore year. We hooked up the first week we were back on campus. I still didn't catch feelings again though, until we started to hook up regularly every week. At that point I was again pretty much in love with him, although this time I did have reasons beyond just him being a large, attractive popular man. We weren't dating, but we got to know each other and I saw his many virtues. However, it was still clear to me that he wasn't into me in that way, and that I was one of a number of women he was sleeping with, so I didn't say anything and I kept it casual. He also had a pretty terrible reputation as a fuckboy, even amongst his frat brothers. His instagram comments were usually filled with them saying things like "horniest man alive" and "all 2500 of his followers are his girlfriends." He graduated at the end of that spring semester, and we saw each other one last time before. It was incredibly intimate and really cemented everything I felt for him. So, after we both left campus, I confessed to him that I really liked him, and that I wasn't ok with just hooking up with him anymore, for my own sanity. Miraculously he said he also had feelings for me, and he asked me out on a real date. We started dating and have been together since, and the whole time has been healthy and happy for us. Last Thursday was our 1 year anniversary of becoming official. He got me an incredibly thoughtful gift basket, including some jewelry, a painting, and a card. In the card though was a printed picture of a pros and cons list on a whiteboard. He explained to me that he saw my confessional message when he was hanging out with his brother. My bf said he really didn't know what to do and wasn't sure if he wanted anything more with me, but he was tired of sleeping around and wanted a stable relationship. So his brother said he should make a pros and cons list of ME, and he did. Here's a paraphrase of the list: Pros: cute, great ass, good in bed, horny, likes me a lot, sweet, lots of friends, doesn't go out too much, close to her family, really smart and academically successful, good future ahead of her and definitely not a gold digger, would do wifey duties Cons: kind of a slut, met on Tinder, frat rat, blacks out a lot, doesn't care a lot about her appearance, kind of nerdy Based off of that he apparently decided to ask me out to dinner and then decide what to do based on how it went, and it went well enough that we started dating. He showed it to me with nothing but good intentions, but I was absolutely floored for obvious reasons. I have been pretending to be sick since then as I figure out what to do. On the one hand, he is my dream man and I am so glad to be with him. He has been nothing but incredible to me and we have a great relationship. And logically I know that he wasn't in love with me or anything when he asked me out, as I'm sure he had some idea of how I felt and he never did anything about it. But it still hurts to think that his feelings towards me were so ambivalent that he needed a goddamn pros and cons list to just ask me out. I can't really talk about this to anyone in my life as a lot of them already dislike him, and I don't want to bias them anymore. So I thought I would ask here. What can I possibly do?? I like to think that I have more self-respect than this, but I really love him and don't want to cause conflict in our relationship over something he definitely didn't think would hurt me. TLDR: got in relationship with fuckboy college fwb after he graduated and I confessed, have been dating for one year, but for our anniversary he showed me a pros and cons list he made about me to decide if he should date me &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **WHEN ASKED ABOUT RECEIVING A DEGRADING LIST FOR HER ANNIVERSARY GIFT** > He can definitely be kind of an idiot at times. From his explanation, it seemed that he wanted to show how far we've come: from just drunkenly hooking up to being in both of our first serious relationships. and planning for a long-term future together. And this was the only picture he had, and also it showed how much we've both grown. He also thought it was funny that he'd needed to make a pros and cons list, and now we are so committed to each other. > > Also I didn't mention his virtues because it didn't seem that relevant to the issue at hand, but he has legitimately been a great boyfriend, and he is a great man in general. He's very supportive of everyone around him, he always compliments me and buys me flowers and gifts, and he's never hesitated to drop everything to help me out, even when we were just hooking up. And he's been receptive to any of my concerns about our pasts- he has never been bothering by blocking or unadding or whatever. We also have similar values and goals, and both of our paths are aligning very closely. > > And thank you, you are right that I need to at least talk to him, as I don't think he's even realized that it bothered me. **ON WHY PEOPLE DONT LIKE HIM** > My friends don't really like him, partially because they saw me pine over him for a year and also because I kept our relationship secret when it started and they were angry about that. They also think that he is stupid and a fuckboy. Some of my friends outside of my main group also dont like him because his frat had a really bad reputation. For what it's worth though my family is fine with him, I just don't really speak to them about this kind of stuff. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/179d3x8/update_my_boyfriend_gave_me_a_pros_and_cons_list/?share_id=DGFDjwXIxSvMEcdru6xyk&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 16, 2023** A lot of people seemed interested/invested in my last post, so I thought I would update. First off I just wanted to clear up a couple of things: 1) No he isn't the only man I've ever been with, I did lose my virginity to him but I've been with plenty of men other than him after that. 2) No he didn't rape me the first time we slept together. I was drunk but not blacked out, and I'm the one who told him to come over, I consented, and I enjoyed it and continued talking to him afterwards. 3) No, I don't have any STDs. I get regularly tested and he's never given me anything, even though we often didn't use protection when we were just hooking up (including the first time). Now for the actual update: everyone's comments were a real wake-up call. I did already realize at least somewhat that the entire time we'd known each other before dating he had treated me like crap, but I justified being with him by saying that he'd changed because I'd won him. But the pros and cons list made me realize really just how little he thought of me, and giving it to me made me think that he still felt the same way towards me. It also made me realize that in his mind he was settling for me, and that he probably only really liked me for the things I did for him. I also realized that although that was fine for a little (he is really hot tbh), I definitely didn't want to have kids or spend the rest of my life with a man who didn't actually like or respect me. I also did make my own list as some of the comments said, which made me realize how much I was willing to overlook for an attractive man. I would never give it to him, because even though a lot of people seemed to think I don't really love him, I do care about him a lot (for some reason) and would never do anything to hurt him. But here is the list: Pros: 6'2", big, attractive, popular, good job and makes lots of money, close to family, can be sweet, pays for things, submissive Cons: NPC, has no hobbies or interests, drinks a lot, clearly doesn't respect me, kind of stupid, not interesting, hardly an intellectual, not well-read, don't have a lot to talk about together, friends don't like him, not good in bed My list made me realize that not only does he kind of have nothing going for him, but being with him also reflects pretty terribly on myself and my values. I'm not really ashamed of myself because I met him when I was 18, but I hope I will not be this shallow of a person for my whole life. So I broke up with him this morning over coffee. He wasn't really upset, and was just kind of like "damn ok." He did try to convince me to stay, but I was firm and we are officially broken up. I blocked him on everything because I have no self respect when it comes to him, and I have no doubt he would try to booty call me soon if I didn't. My friends are all actually thrilled and are hosting a party for me tonight. My family was also pretty relieved. They didn't hate him but they thought he was really stupid, and I think they're happy I won't be polluting the family lineage with idiocy on that level. So thank you everyone for the wake-up call, I guess I will see how adult life without him in it goes! &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

My boyfriend gave me a pros and cons list ABOUT ME as part of our anniversary present.

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ga87m/my_boyfriend_gave_me_a_pros_and_cons_list_about/

17gnvks

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Double_Requirement18 **AITA for not letting my nephew use my car for prom, but said I might let his sister use it?** **[Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1731yrm/aita_for_not_letting_my_nephew_use_my_car_for/)** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole and on his own profile **NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH:** --- Trigger Warnings: >!Property Damage, homophobia, child abandonment!< Mood Spoilers: >!spoiled kid learns a lesson!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13bqorr/aita_for_not_letting_my_nephew_use_my_car_for/) - **May 8, 2023** I (32m) have a nephew Josh (18m) and a niece Sarah (16F), and this argument came up when visiting my sister. My car is a very modified classic car, A 72 challenger with a modern motor swap, 6 speed manual, and more mods putting out over 1000 hp. It is not a beginner driver friendly car. Josh didn’t get his license until 3 months ago, and I am pretty sure he fubbed numbers to take the test for the 3rd time. I have seen him drive once, and even offered to ride with him before to help pump his hours up and to continue to drive so he can feel more comfortable. Sarah goes to car shows with me and has a modified Miata that she drives everywhere. She got her license 2 weeks after turning 16 and has had it for 8 months now. She drove with me every day after getting her permit, and just has that drive to drive. Before anyone says I have my favorite, Josh and I game EVERY night, and I built him a custom PC for getting honor role. He is AMAZING at tech, loves gaming, and if he decides to continue, I will be paying for his college and will offer him a job at my business which offers specialized tech services. I have told both of them the dollar amounts I have saved up that will be for them for the future. If they want to use it for school, training, down payment on a house, travel, it will be theirs as long as they can tell me they have a plan. I bought both of them their first cars after they got their licenses and try to keep everything as close to fair as I can with them. I was over for dinner and Josh said he can’t wait for prom and was asking if he could use my car to drive his date. I told him I was not comfortable with him driving my car, and that I would gladly drive him and his date, and even wear a suit and funny hat to be his driver. He threw a fit and said that I would let Sarah take the car if she asked. I said if she kept driving and showing the control she has, I would consider it. I told him I feel he has not been driving long enough to be able to control this car, and that I would be worried for his and his dates safety. I also told him I would trust him with my PC before I’d even let Sarah play the sims on it and it’s just how they are different people with different interests. My sister said I should have just said no, but I have always told them I will never lie to them and explain myself why because they are almost adults and deserve to hear the truth. (I won’t be rude to them however). He has since not played games with me, and not responded to my texts. His father says I am TAH, My sister said I should have just said no but now should just let him use the car, Sarah says she would be scared to drive the car, our parents said I should have just said no. AITA? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** ***mikej2461:** Dudes 32, pkays video games with his nephew everyy night, puts money away for the nieceand nephew. I think its time ge grows up and finds outside interests and let the parents rent their son a super car. Seems like a really wierd situation.* >**OP:** I run my own tech company, my wife died to cancer 4 years ago. I decided to live my life the way I want, and that includes spending time with my family. > >I do not drink, I do not smoke. My house has been paid off for a few years. My bills are my business (keeping the lights on, and my employees paid/happy) and insurance. > >I'm not going to be a slave and if I can keep them from having to slave away I will. ***Commentator asks what car Josh has*** >**OP:** The car that we (he, his parents, and I) picked out is a more practical Subaru. Nothing fancy but a reliable car that will get him and his date to prom without issue. > >There was a... situation over Mothers Day weekend. He is lucky I don't take his car back as payment. (Yes. My name is on both of their cars.) > >I may post an update after everything is fixed. &nbsp; **Editor’s Note: OOP has posted the update twice, one below the original post and on his own page** [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Double_Requirement18/comments/14yl945/josh_update/) - **July 13, 2023** My parents returned from “snow birding” and so “we” decided that they would use my house to host Mothers Day. I won’t go into detail, but after being told this, I made a nice dinner for my family and had everyone over. I tried to talk with Josh but he was still obviously upset that I did not change my mind to let him use the car. At one point while hosting outside, I hear a “Thunk” and Josh’s dad gets a smirk on his face. Sarah goes pale and just mutters a “he didn’t.” The family goes to see what the source of the noise was and finds Josh putting a bat away and a very obvious dent in my fender. A wave of calm comes over me and I know exactly what to do. “Get in” I tell him. Firmly. After a minute of this he hops in the passenger seat and I take off. For legal reasons I will not explain exactly how I drove my car, but the happened in Mexico crew would be proud. After we get back to my house, he is pale, and I need a new set of tires. My sister yells at me that I could have killed him, his father is quietly drinking my beer, and my dad is trying to help Josh walk, with the adrenaline pumping through him. Sarah mutters a “Told you so” as I tell my sister that she and her husband have to pay to fix my fender or else I will get the authorities involved. My mother is crying upset, and the day was ruined as people packed up and left and more words were said yelled. Currently the car I bought for Josh is sitting in my driveway. I have already fixed my fender and sent a bill to my sister who told me to shove it and that “Family doesn’t treat family this way.” I have called my buddy who is the local Sheriff, and can have charges pressed, I do have video footage of him willfully damaging my property, HOWEVER. Josh apologized for everything. The drive was the wakeup call he needed and said he would get a job to pay for fixing my car even though his mother has told him it’s my problem to deal with. He said he was being a stupid kid and needed to grow up. I told him on top of fixing the car, he now gets to take Sarah’s place of cleaning my work building and garage. His car is now just my car again, and he needs to figure out all the rides he needs to keep everyone happy. He told me to come get the PC I built him, But I told him to hold onto it for now. The bill. A little over $2000. Luckily I had the car painted last year, and still had some mixed paint without the hardener in it. Worked the dent out, replaced the fender brace, replaced the inner fender, replaced that portion of the stiffening kit, and had the fender repainted and feathered into the surrounding body panels. Vintage cars are not cheap to work on. There has also been an incident involving Sarah, (100% not her fault) and so she is staying with me until things can get figured out. That will be posted elsewhere. &nbsp; **Relevant Comment from OOP:** ***ConditionBig6373:** Wow!* *That update was wild!* *I hope your sheriff friend is able to get them to see sense.* *Has Josh said anything to his parents about you being right NOT to let him drive?* >**OP:** He did. >My sister is upset with me for the reasons involving Sarah. It's almost funny that the people who claim "you don't do this to family" are the first to throw family out when something doesn't "fit." &nbsp; --- # NEW UPDATE [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/user/Double_Requirement18/comments/17bqzth/the_shitshow_continues_sarahs_small_update_hi/) – **October 19, 2023** 2 months. 2 MONTHS before she turned 17 my monster of a sister and BIL kicked their daughter out of their home. Backstory, or else I will just rant about how evil that family is. I got home from working late one Friday, and having worked 12 hours that day was ready for dinner and to go to bed. As I am cooking my phone rings to a number I don’t recognize, so I put on my owner of the business voice and answer with my usual greeting, only to hear sobs and “Uncle. Can you come get me? I can't go home.” When I tell you I threw my pan in the sink and took off. I get to the gas station down the street from Sister’s house, and there is Sarah, looking like she was half way to death. I hug her, get her to calm down a bit. Get her into my truck and we go back to my house. We get home, and ask her for as much info as she wants to tell me. She just wants to go to bed. Sure, is she okay, does she need hospital or police, anything. No just sleep. The next day my sister calls me, and verbatim. Sis- “Hey Double. Have you heard yet?” Me- “Uh, no? is this about Sarah?” Sis- “Yeah, ((BIL cousin)) caught her and ((Sarah’s friend)) at ((public area close by that identifies me)) and they were ALL OVER EACH OTHER!” Me- “….Hard to see her doing that in public bu-“ Sis- “HEAVY KISSING! DOUBLE! MAKING OUT. BEING A LITTLE WHORE” Me- “Sis. It’s natural, people kiss, Is that why-“ Sis- “WE KICKED THAT SKANK OUT WE DIDN’T RAIS-“ I hung up the phone. Let me tell you, I was seeing red and ready to roll. Anyone who knows me, and can guess by my responses, knows I like to have a plan, I like to think ahead, I need to have my next steps ready. First step. I called my Sheriff friend. Told him what I knew so far, So no. I am not harboring a runaway. Next step. Called the local PD. Talked to the captain, who told me there was nothing he could do till her parents called them and reported her as a runaway, or Sarah calls them and reports she has been kicked out. In his words “Where she is so close to adult hood. It would not be resolved before she is 18.” Last. Wait for Sarah to wake up. She didn’t get up till late, and honestly looked like she hadn’t slept. I asked her if she wanted a hug, she nodded and cried. I have never seen her so upset, and thinking about it again breaks my heart. When she started to calm down and feel better, I told her flat out. “Sarah. I love you and accept you. Your mother called me and told me a bit about what’s going on. I don’t care what she has to say. As long as you are safe and happy that’s all I care about.” She cried again and hugged me tighter. Now for her side of the story. She and ((friend)) were hanging out at the location. Just having a good time. At one point they were sitting and eating food, laughing and joking and then they kissed. According to her it was more than a peck but not all over each other or anything. After they were done hanging out, Sarah dropped her off and went home. The second she walked through the door there were her parents just down her throat. Apparently, the cousin of BIL sent a photo to their family group chat with a message basically saying “Hey ((BIL)) is this how you are raising your kids?” A lot of yelling, a lot of tears, they told her that she needed to give up her phone, pack a bag and go live with her friend if she wants that "lifestyle." Well, as soon as Sarah left, they sent the photo to the friends parents and called them. They weren’t happy, and said she wasn’t welcome there. She went to the gas station, called me and here we are. Aftermath. Called my lawyer, got him to give me some info for family lawyers in the area. Sister has sent me text after text, and call after call to get Sarah to do some really unthinkable things if she wants to get home. Sister has all but admitted to kicking Sarah out for not being straight. We worked with the family lawyer to get an emergency protective order and worked with CPS to try and give me temporary custody. Sister tried to claim she ran away from home. I used the texts sent to me to prove they are trying to send her to conversion camps and kicked her out if she wants to “live that wicked lifestyle.” Sister might be getting charges filed. TBD. ((abandoning her child)) Courts are slow. I sent a tow truck to the house to get MY (Sarah's) car. They did not want to give up the keys. I had a spare, and threatened to call the police where it is in my name. It’s been 3 months. The friend is gone because she got in trouble with her family, we got some of Sarah's things with the help of my Sheriff friend. Other things were “missing,” so I replaced what I could. Tons of clothing, makeup, some other personal belongings were all gone, her phone and laptop were claimed to belong to "the family" and hard to prove they were her personal things. Josh is in college, staying on campus, working. He paid the bill for my car, was cleaning my garage and work building every other day, and worked whatever he could over the summer. He said he will be NC or LC with his parents once he can figure out how to pay for his own things. ((He got some good grants and scholarships but life.)) I told him there is a place here for him if he needs it. Once he gives me his plan, the money I saved for him is his. Sarah is back in school and just trying to get through everything. For her 17th birthday we went to a comic con type of thing, I paid for a group of her friends to be able to join us, then we went to a car show the next day. I got her a new laptop and cellphone, told her they are hers with no bs. She misses her parents but understands that they don’t accept her. I am paying for her to get some counseling sessions in. Just to help her work through it in a healthy way and understand this is not her fault. I told her she can go to as many or as few sessions as she wants. My parents are not taking sides, and it upset my sister to the point of pushing them away, in her mind, if they are not against me, they are against her. I reminded my parents that by not saying what my sister did was wrong, is supporting her. I was told to not put words in their mouth. I called them bigots like my sister and asked if that's where she got it from. A story for another time. It would be just as long as this one. Since TikTok has ran with the original story, more family has found out and put 2 and 2 together. My sister is EXTRA mad at me. Because I am good with computers, obviously I was the one to put the story all over tiktok /s. She is trying to turn the story that I am turning everyone against her, poisoning Sarah with money, and whatever BS she can try and turn. The majority of my family sides with Sarah. The majority of BIL family sides with BIL. I have asked Sarah what she wants to do for the upcoming holidays. We will probably do a "friendsgiving" and keep it low key. I have a protection order against my sister and her husbands at this point, Sarah's is a little more tricky, but they are no longer listed for her school contact and the police will be called if they show up there. It's not much, but anything is better than nothing at this point. Not much else to report. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for not letting my nephew use my car for prom, but said I might let his sister use it?

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17gnvks/aita_for_not_letting_my_nephew_use_my_car_for/

17gnx5d

**I am NOT OOP. OOP posted to two accounts:** first account is u/Fuzzy-End6590 and the second account is u/Pretend_Nobody_9045 **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole and r/TwoHotTakes **AITA for telling my husband when I left the bar?** Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity, verbal abuse!< --- &nbsp; **Editor's Note: The original post is recovered by the automod text – Posted to u/Fuzzy-End6590** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14jqb6x/comment/jpmjj1k/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - **June 26, 2023** This is my first reddit post as I usually just look around without commenting. But this happend this weekend and I need outside opinons. I 34F been married to my husban 35M for almost a year now and we dated for 3 years before. Ever since we started dating,whenever we go out without the other we both let eachother know were are we and when we arrive/leave as a safety thing (example: hey i arrive to x bar, every thing fine or hey I'm leaving the bar on an ube, should be home in 10 min). Now, this weekend I went out with my friend, Amy (not real name) we went to a restaurant and to dance. Around 2am we decide to go home and because we live in opposite directions we each took a different uber. As usual i texted my husband to let him know i was going home and he told me that he was also leaving his friend house and we should arrive at the same time. I knew that he was out with some of his friends that included Amy's fiance ad we all know each other for a long time, but I wasn't really thinking about that, just following my routine. We both got home, i texted Amy to let her know i was home safe and went to bed. When i woke up the next morning I had tons of messages and a few miss calls from Amy, my husband had also some messages and calls from Amy's fiance. In her text she was asking me what i had told her fiance, what had my husband told to the fiance, how dare we meddle in their relationship, etc. The texts on my husband's phone were just asking if i had arrieved home and if had any idea where Amy was. I called Amy and she, again, asked what had i told her fiance, i told her i havent spoke with him, and she called me and asshole and a liar because if didn't spoke to him how did he know i had left at 2am? I explained to her that i had texted my husband as i always do. She said I'm an asshole for not telling her that i was doing that and that my husband is a controlling asshole for "making me" text him and for telling her fiance that she was also leaving, then she hung up and haven't picked up again. My husband said he only told his friends that he wa leaving because he wanted to arrived at home at the same time as me, and that if my friend did something (I don't know what) thats on her not me. The thing is this has reach my other friends and some are saying that i should text my husband when i arrive home not when i leave the club and that i am an asshole for not telling Amy what i was texting my husband. Some agree with my husband and say this is on Amy for lying (she said we both stay dancing even later) and not on my for texting my husband. Honestly i don't know what to think, as i feel like maybe i should just text my husband arriving home instead to avoid compromising others or to avoid creating an imaginary curfew for my friends. So reddit, am i the asshole? **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** &nbsp; **Posted to u/Pretend_Nobody_9045 in TwoHotTakes** [Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14n2lb1/update_aita_for_telling_my_husband_when_i_left/) - **June 30, 2023** Hello reddit, I'm oop of this [story](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14jrkd6/aita_for_telling_my_husband_when_i_left_the_bar/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=3&utm_content=share_button) and it's been quite a week. After seeing all the answers I decided to make the first and only update about this. I haven't heard Amy's version of what happened during that hour and a half she was missing, but her fiance told my husband that everything it's fine and that the reason she was late was because she decided to walk home while smoking and didn't wanted him to know and be disappointed she's smoking again. As of the wedding, so far that's still happening but I'm no longer part of the bridal party as Amy considers I'm no longer part of her "trust circle". I'm still invited to the wedding, but as my husband's plus-one because he's still part of the groomsmen. I'm glad I'm not a bridesmaid anymore and I'm not sure if I'll be comfortable going to the wedding. Because Amy and most her bridesmaid act as if I was trash talking her to her fiance when I haven't even spoke to him. Pd. I wanted to thank all of those who supported me, I was really worried I had done something bad. But seeing so many people said that they do the same with their significant other or family, I feel much better. **Relevant Comments** ***Natenat04:** I’m sorry to break it to you OP, but the reality is, she’s still pissed cause she had something major to hide, and smoking isn’t it. You know it, all of Reddit knows it, and I’m sure deep down her future husband knows it, but he’s too deep in denial.* *Just as long as your husband doesn’t start defending her, I’d just sit back, and wait for the inevitable implosion of their marriage.* >**OP:** I personally think it's not my place to assume what Amy did or didn't do in her spare time. I keep my side of the street clean and it's up to her to keep hers. And as for my husband, he's not particularly close to Amy, he just wants to be able to support her friend when he needs it. &nbsp; [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17brgxp/2_update_aita_for_telling_my_husband_when_i_left/) - **October 19, 2023** Well reddit, here the long awaited update : in short the wedding was called off. All this I've heard from my husband, from a few friends I still had in common with Amy and from Amy's sister (who is very angry at Amy) Turns out that, as many had assume Amy wasn't being faithful. This pass weekend she went dancing with some friends and didn't came home until 5am. Of course she told her ex-fiance that she had been with her friends all the time and that's why she didn't answer her phone. Only for him to tell her that because she wasn't home and wasn't picking up the phone, around 2:30 am he called one of her friends to ask to speak to Amy. And lo and behold, the friend had no idea where Amy was, because they had went dancing alright but Amy cancel them and didn't went. So she insisted she was dancing but with her sister and her sister's friends, and she went to bed. He called Amy's sister to asked her, at what time had Amy left the club to come home (because he rememberd the time Amy went dancing with me). And the sister said she hadn't seen Amy either. So he finally confronted Amy, and after more excuses she admited she was with a "work friend". At first she said it was just a friend that she didn't mention because it's a guy and her fiance would be jealous, but after more fighting and cicle talk she told him it was just a bit of pre-wedding fun nothing serious and that it wasn't cheating because they didn't had sex and it was only flirting and hanging out (alone at his apartment). So he called off the wedding, because he doesn't approve this kind "pre-wedding fun". He is staying with some friends, and she is calling everyone she can think of to ask us to talk to him to get the wedding back on. **Relevant Comments** *** TopicNo8755:** So the real question is did you dump Amy as a friend because she sucks big time.* >**OP:** We stopped being friends when I was fired from being a bridesmaid and she kicked me out of her "circle of trust" for talking to my own husband. &nbsp; **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for telling my husband when I left the bar?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17gnx5d/aita_for_telling_my_husband_when_i_left_the_bar/

17gny46

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/DamnItDinkles **Originally posted to** r/amiwrong **AIW to be upset my inlaws are planning a separate bday party for my sons?** Trigger Warnings: >!Emotional manipulation!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/179dq94/aiw_to_be_upset_my_inlaws_are_planning_a_separate/) - **October 16, 2023** Yes, I am a member of JNMIL, but wanted a more objective opinion than the echo chamber that can be over there. My husband and I bought my mom's house and are currently doing major renovations to it (we're redoing the plumbing and the bathrooms, for example). As a result, we can't really host any gatherings there until the plumbing and the flooring is done. I knew it would likely not be done in time for our twins' first birthday, which is next weekend. My sister-in-law (SIL2) also is high-needs on the ASD scale and my in-laws don't go many places because taking her with them for any length of time can be a process. There is also SIL1 who has three nieces, so I wanted to specify that for brevity. I asked my inlaws if, with both of those things in mind, we could host the boys' first birthday party at their house and plan to do a pool party (they have a decent-sized pool and we live in south Florida). MIL asked how many people I would want to invite and I said "the barebones, but with both of our families and closest friends that still comes out to 40-50 people". They agreed and that was it. I have set very firm boundaries in the past and also have cut my own father out because of some fucked up shit he did and he's not allowed to be in my sons' lives so they know not to push shit with me, but if they weren't comfortable with it I told them I would understand and we'd look at doing it at a park or something. MIL said it was fine. Months later after I have already made a facebook event and ordered invitations, FIL begins freaking out to my husband that I've invited "too many people." FIL is not on facebook but had gotten on my MIL's facebook and saw the event I made. I added people who could not attend to the facebook event at their request because they wanted a link to the amazon wishlist I made for the boys. FIL then tells my husband that he said I couldn't have more than 20 people. Keep in mind that just me, my husband, mine and my husband's siblings and nieces, and our parents all come out to 25 people so idk how he thought that was reasonable. My husband got sick of it and said "fine, we won't have it here." Cue a fuck ton of backtracking but he texted me and asked if I could find a new place. I was standing with my mom and my mom's friend and she graciously offered her house, as they have a new build on an acreage and a large pool as well. I sent a follow-up text to SIL1 since I never received an RSVP and found out from SIL and MIL today, less than a week before the birthday party, that none of my husbands family will be attending their first birthday party and instead were going to throw them a party on the day my MIL helps me by watching the boys so I can work late. Meaning I can't be there. I took several hours to cool down and formulate a response, "I am struggling to convey how disappointed I am that none of [Husband]'s family will be at our sons' first birthday party and instead were going to throw a separate party at a time when they knew I would not be able to attend." My MIL is trying to downplay this and say they'd be happy to do it on Friday instead, but I replied and explained I will be busy after work on Friday and all day Saturday prepping for the birthday party they were supposed to attend. I can hear someone messaging me but I honestly don't want to look but- Am I wrong to be upset about this? Edit: because comments are still coming in and I keep answering things in the comments; 1. MIL watching the twins on Thursdays. In our area daycare is $300-400 a week per kid, and part time is not an option until they're potty trained. I pay a friend $200 to watch them MWF and my mom (whom works full time but has off on Sundays and Tuesdays) watches them on Tuesdays. 2. They're not doing this for social media clout or to impress family. His side of the family is smaller and only MIL and SIL1 are on Facebook and they hardly use it. The only people attending their small party are MIL, FIL, SIL2, SIL1+ her husband and 3 daughters. 3. I mostly posted because I just needed to vent/wanted validation about my anger/annoyance because my mom and husband were very calm about this and both just relieved to not have to deal with FIL at the party on Sunday cause he's a bit of an asshole. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/17by6ge/update_aiw_for_being_upset_at_my_inlaws_planning/) - **October 19, 2023** I wanted to include some info that I had a lot of questions on: 1. I have twin sons, they are turning 1, so biggish party because biggish family. 2. I have 25 first cousins. I invited 5 of them (and their spouses/kids) and only 2 confirmed and we're still at 40+ people. If you don't get this, it's okay, but anyone with a large family understands get togethers aren't small. 3. My mom works full time and has offered on Sundays and Tuesdays, so she can only watch them on Tuesdays for me. My friend has been watching them on MWF and my MIL has been watching them on Thursdays. My friend offered to take over Thursdays if necessary so I have that in my back pocket now. 4. Taking off 1 day of work wouldn't normally be an issue but my husband was out of work for two weeks (he's union and was in between jobs) and in that time ended up at the hospital for a week, so I physically could not afford to take off. My friend as already told me to pay her later when I have money and I had to pull from savings to make ends meet. 5. My husband and I both have done individual therapy and couples counseling and have come a long way, especially him. It was don't before we got married because we want to be a united front with all issues, not just his parents. He's usually good about handling them on his own, setting boundaries and enforcing them. There's a reason I haven't posted on any of the JustNo subreddit s in literal years. 6. I can't remember if I posted this in the original post or a comment, but I texted MIL and asked her about doing their party/dinner NEXT Friday, after their actual party and didn't hear back from her. This is relevant. Now for the actual update. As I mentioned above, I spoke with my friend when I dropped the boys off on Wednesday with her and she said "fuck that I'll watch them on Thursdays." Previously she was watching her nephew for her SIL on those days but she's been inconsistent ajd really only bringing them to her on Tuesdays. I thanked her and agreed if it was not resolved I would take her up on it, but thankfully everything was resolved. Husband and I discussed what to do and agreed he'd call his mom and open it with something to the effect of "Hey, OP sent you a message asking about the next Friday for the boys, but she didn't hear back from you, is that okay, or Saturday?" And then if she was okay with moving it, all would be good. If she got pissy or insistent about it, we'd leave the boys with my friend going forward and have a discussion with them about boundaries (again). The call went well. MIL apologized and explained them going out of town to their vacation home had moved up because the cabinets and countertops they had backordered finally gave them a delivery date and they'd need to leave early in the morning either the day or or immediately after the party. I dropped the boys off and MIL apologized to me in person and explained the above to me and that she wasn't thinking, but that SIL1 was also being a bit of an ass about birthday stuff, because she tends to be pretty self centered, but she's also a major germophobe (like, she needs therapy and won't get it bad. I literally had a conversation with one of our nieces about audiobooks and suggested she go to the library to get some and she said they're not allowed at the library because there's too many germs there). Trying to solve all the problems at once MIL just was like "well we'll just do a small dinner before we leave and bam done" not thinking about mine or my husband's availability. So it all worked out thankfully. We're going to do a small dinner with MIL and FIL when they come back down in a couple weeks and enjoy the party on Sunday with everyone else. Husband said there was no SIL or a sign of any party when he picked up the boys. **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AIW to be upset my inlaws are planning a separate bday party for my sons?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17gny46/aiw_to_be_upset_my_inlaws_are_planning_a_separate/

17gnyg9

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Excellent-Plastic-37 **My ex-Fiancé (M44) cheated on me 20 years ago. Should I (F44) Go out to dinner with him to catch up?** **Originally posted to r/relationship_advice** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!infidelity, alcoholism, financial struggles, fertility issues!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Hopeful!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/CDQfYyMVcU) **Oct 17, 2023** So, apologies if this is a long one. I've just kind of been mulling it over with pros an cons. Burner account for obvious reasons since my main is my business account. ​ A little bit of backstory. When I first met 'Mark' (Fake name), it was back in Junior year of high school. My parents had a pretty bad divorce (Mother had an affair) and essentially abandoned me, so my father packed up and I moved to a new state to live with him, I'm extremely close with my father because of this, and we had a close bond. Anyway, this was a lot, I was struggling to deal with everything emotionally and I withdrew a lot, my grades got bad and I acted out. Mark was someone I became acquainted to very quickly. Think troublemaker/bully type deal. Anyway, I avoided him like the plague, but I was new, I was small, so easy pickings. He cornered me one time, calling me names and I'm not sure what the trigger was (Just a lot of built up emotions) but I punched him, which led to a fight. (A one-sided one looking back. He was much larger than me but never swung back) After this, he did an ENTIRE 180 on his personality. He stopped bullying others, apologized, left me love letters, followed me everywhere, until I just snapped and asked what his deal was. I still get butterflies when I think back on it (Embarrassing, I know, but it makes me feel like a kid again) But he told me that he wanted to be a better person for me, and that he liked me. This kind of just started something between us. I started helping him study, I got a close friend who I could talk to, we hung out whenever we could, and we eventually started dating. This mans grades went from Ds and Cs to As. He worked so hard just to apply for the same College as me and to follow me. Well, this led to an amazing couple of years, I can't even describe how happy he made me, he was sweet, caring, kind. He always bought me flowers, everything you could ever want in a man basically. During College, we got an apartment together, And shortly after got engaged. Life felt perfect, I had a decent job, I considered him the love of my life. We started having hiccups. Nothing major, some small fights here and there, some money issues, some jealousy issues. Again, nothing we couldn't work through. But the conversations and fights kept repeating, and they spiraled because we were both young and immature (We started having real world problems) Just before this, we started trying to a baby, which spiraled everything further because we had fertility issues. Something that really pushed everything to it's limit was when he couldn't get a job after College. We were struggling financially and I was the main one providing. It stressed him out and brought up a lot of insecurity issues for him because I was doing what he felt was 'his job' (Different time I guess) Some info. His parents are ridiculously wealthy, his father owns a construction company and he's never had to 'struggle' for things before. When he moved out, he was determined to make it on his own, despite his father offering him a job at his company. This is something that caused further arguments, because I was upset that he was so prideful that he'd rather suffer than work for his dad, while he was upset that I wasn't supportive of his decision because he didn't get along with his dad at the time. It all came to a head when we had a pretty explosive argument, I went to stay with my dad after packing my bags, got cold feet after a day and missed him, came home to him shirtless, hugging a women on our couch. The blow up is as you can imagine. I cried and yelled at him, he kept saying "Please!, its not what it looks like!" but when I'd ask for more information, he'd just stutter and couldn't elaborate. I called off the engagement, moved back to my fathers place and cut contact. He reached out a couple of times, apologizing for cheating on me and begging for another chance, but I just physically couldn't. After what I saw my father go through, cheating was a HARD boundary, and I nursed my hurt feelings for a couple of months. It got too much for me one time when he sent me a letter, and I just couldn't bring myself to read it, so I got my job to transfer me out of state and I moved, Made my dad promise not to tell Mark where I was, and moved on with my life. Well! That's basically it, I ended up marrying my ex husband when I was 34. We got divorced when I was 39 because he was having an affair with his coworker (I have many colorful words for this man) And he left me when she got pregnant. They're married now and very unhappy (Baby wasn't even his so I guess small victories.) Anyway, my life has improved a lot since me and Mark split. I genuinely believe what happened was for the best (Although I wish it ended on good terms) We were both young and needed to grow as individuals, I went back to college for a culinary degree, started my own catering company and I'm now very happy with my life and my cats. My original degree was in accounting and I realized how much I hated it shortly after I left for my new job. So I was back in my original state for a wedding I was hired to cater for. This specific day (Yesterday) was a vacation day, so I told my team to just go have fun. They went out for drinks, I opted out and decided to walk down memory lane a little bit, I was walking when I heard someone shout my name, followed by some loud car honks. I turn around and I see a man running up to me, and it takes me a few seconds to process who it is. (He's aged a bit) and he was very clearly out of breath. Honestly, it felt like I was back in school with him. My heart fluttered and his ears did this thing they always do and they turned red when he was talking to me (I mean, it's winter so it was cold as shit too) and I just couldn't stop staring at him. He asked the pleasantries, how was I doing? You look good. I've missed you. All that jazz. We talk for a bit longer and he asked me If I was married. I explain that I was divorced and asked him the same question, he said that he never married and has been single for a long time. I asked how things have been in general, and he explained that he now ran his fathers construction company, I was happy for him, gave my congratulations and then he asked me out for dinner to catch up. I said yes, because truthfully I'd like to know what has happened in his life since I left. We exchanged numbers and had a hug goodbye, and I cant even explain how much I missed hugging him, everything just felt perfect. So. why am I on here for advice? when I so clearly want to meet him for dinner? well I talked to some of my girl friends and they were appalled that I'd even consider seeing an ex who cheated. It's just dinner so I don't think its a big deal, but they were adamant that it was a bad idea and it started to make me think. Also, I kind of want to go just so we could talk about what happened back then, we never really sat down and talked about his infidelity, and I cant lie that I'm a bit curious. Besides that, it's been 20 ish years and I've moved on, I've lived my life and im happy. He was someone I cared about deeply, and It'd be nice to have him back in my life (As a friend, I'm not expecting anything.) So..... advice? Surely it won't be a big deal if I go right? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/BIZd160qIO) **Oct 19, 2023** Hi Hi! I'm back after our dinner. A lot of people asked for an update which I'm quite flattered about, I didn't think my dilemma was that important, but I'm back! Short story? Dinner was great! It was amazing talking to him again, and even though we touched some emotional topics, it felt good being able to show that emotional connection we shared. Long story? We talked about a lot of things, neither of us really wanted it to end I don't think. This man, Urgh. He remembered the restaurant we had our first date at and took me there. The restaurant no longer exists, but the building still does and it's a different chain now. The food left much to be desired, but it felt like a blast from the past and it was so heartwarming. A bit of backstory. On our first date as semi adults, he came dressed in a suit (Despite the restaurant being lowkey) slicked back hair and some flowers. I remember how much we laughed because I was just wearing casual clothes and we looked like completely different vibes. Well he showed up today, in another suit, with slicked back hair (That is way out of style) and flowers, just like back then. I felt all warm and I teased him for going back to the past. I made a comment about how he was missing his earing (He had a horrendous dangle earing back in the day because it was 'cool') and he smiled and took it out of his pocket. He couldn't put it on because his ear had since closed up, but he brought it because he wanted to 'complete the look' so he just held it. We went through small talk. How life had been, any major events. I was sad to hear that his father had passed away in 2015. I wasn't exactly close with him but it was still disheartening. They repaired their relationship before he passed which is good at least. I asked about any partners, kind of a nosy "How come you never married?" and we kind of went onto a more emotional side of things. He said that he tried, that he dated after we split, but it never worked out long enough to be long-term. He said that he had been single for a couple of years now and was just content on remaining like that as he didn't think he'd find someone he connected to like he did with me (Smooth talker) He asked me about my marriage, the gory details. I didn't mind telling him since I find the whole thing a learning experience now. He was sympathetic, then laughed when I joked about it, so I'm sure he knows I'm not hung up on it. I used this to kind of propel myself into what I wanted to ask, and that was about what happened back then. He smiled, said that he had been waiting to talk about it and that he was happy to finally air it all out. In basic terms. After our argument that day, everything felt like too much. The pretty standard issues that I had already known about. He was embarrassed, felt like a failure and was too prideful to talk about it with me, so resentments built up and he went out to drink. That's where he met the lovely lady. They talked for a bit and flirted, which led to him drunkenly bringing her home. He got a bit shy saying this part but I guess its just because he's embarrassed. Anyway, they were making out as they got in, she had started unbuttoning his shirt when he saw a picture of us together next to the couch. It was of a trip we took to Seattle and it was HELL. like no exaggeration, everything that went wrong could have, but a story for another time. Anyway, he said that when he saw us, saw me, he was just hit with this massive sober moment, and he pulled away. He confessed that he had a fiancée, and that he was just going through it, he ended up opening up and venting to her and crying which is when I walked in and saw them embracing. Honestly? It could be a lie, it could very well be some long term trickle truthing, but I just don't see the reason. Even if he was having an entire affair, I've gotten over it now so it wouldn't have made much difference, but at least I know who she is now (Because admittedly, it had been bugging me that I didn't recognize her at all) He apologized again, he said that he should have told me the full truth back then instead of hiding it, but that in his opinion, his infidelity more than just a kiss, because he had the intention of doing it when he met her at the bar, so he couldn't blame it on a 'drunken decision' because he had plenty of time between the flirting and bringing her home. He said that also felt like despite how it ended, it was ultimately the best outcome for the relationship at the time, because he needed to grow as a person, and that he was too ashamed to let me see him during that time. The time after when he tried to win me back, he was still in the 'I don't need change' phase and kept sending letters. Once my father told him I left to another state, this was when he got into drinking heavily. I got a bit emotional as he was talking about this because it hurt to hear the state he was in while I left. His voice started breaking so I held his hand and we had a little moment (I screamed when I got to my hotel room) and I encouraged him to talk, so he let it out. It took about 1.5 years for him to snap out of his drinking funk and get better. He sobered up, started working for his dad and made his way up. I'm honestly so proud of him in a weird way? I know I don't really have a right to. But I don't know, something about hearing how much he changed to better himself for him, made me really happy. We took a dodge from the sappy subjects, we ate our food and talked. I can't even describe how good it felt! I was worried that it might be a bit awkward, but our conversation flowed so easily, it was like we never really parted. We made jokes, he still has this goofy grin whenever he's about to tell a stupid joke and it made my heart race slightly when I saw it! All in all, we had a good time! He drove me back to my hotel, he asked how long I was staying and I said a week. He asked if we could plan something else and I said of course! He got a bit blushy (Red tipped ears) and he asked if I would be willing to forgive him after all this time, and possibly see if we could try again. I said that I forgave him a long time ago, and that I wouldn't be against starting something again, but that we'd need to go slow because of our history. He got that goofy grin again and smiled, he held my hand and asked for a kiss, and I said yes! (So much for going slow) I don't want to be overdramatic, but Jesus. we both had to take a minute to calm down after. It's like all of our emotions from the past just bottled out. So! that's basically it, he waved me goodbye and we messaged once he got home. We phoned for a bit before bed and gushed over how nice the day was. I'm doing my skincare now but I had to come post this before bed! I took a lot of what you all said to heart, and you're right, life is too short for what ifs! I don't want to regret not taking this chance, so I'm going to go for it. Thank you all for the comments! I'm not sure if there's a need to update after this, but if there is for whatever reason then I will! I probably missed some things from what happened, but if I remember I'll edit! Anyway, goodnight! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Ill-Conversation5210** >There is ABSOLUTELY a need to update after this. I want EVERY. SINGLE. DETAIL. Pretend I'm your best friend. Tell me everything about what happens next! **OOP replied** >>Haha, should I? We went out for coffee this morning and he gave me a tour of his office! He's grown up so much, I remember when he used to complain about having to wear suits and working in an enclosed space, but he looks so smart now! I'll spill some details if anything more happens * **pitrole** >The secondhand joy I had after reading both posts! That feeling was way too familiar, if I don’t seize the moment I’d regret it for the rest of my life. That must be him when he spotted you. **OOP replied** >>Urgh, I get butterflies thinking about it! I'm still surprised he recognized me after so long haha. * **Impossible_Slip1434** >I would be willing to bet that Mark is also getting the “butterfly” feeling. As I’ve mentioned, he clearly still loves you and to be honest, I don’t think he ever stopped. I have a sneaking suspicion that none of his relationships lasted because he was always comparing those women to you and none of them could measure up in his eyes. Again, that’s only my opinion, but from what I’ve read about him, it’s what I personally believe to be true. ​**OOP replied** >>I think so too! I'm being hopeful, but today we had dinner again, and had a proper in-depth talk about everything, and he told me "I want nothing more than to make up for lost time, to experience all of the moments we missed out on, and to wake up in your arms like you used to do when I was having a bad day." which was immediately followed by a joke about how I used to love being big spoon despite being short, and that he felt safe like that. Which almost caused a heart attack admittedly because I haven't thought about that in years. (Not all sunshine and peaches. He's one of those people who takes advantage of big spoons and farts on them) >>Aside from that, I've kind of been suspecting the same thing, as I couldn't exactly see any other reason as the why he never had long term partners. It hurts my heart a little to think that he's been lonely because of his emotions over me, especially since I got married, but even then, It's not like it was an entirely loving relationship so I guess it's fine. ##**OOP HAS APPEARED IN THE THREAD** * [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/trqIVpQZMN) Hi! It's OP here, I had a lot of fun reading the comments haha. It was a good change of pace compared to the ones I had, but much needed anyway. I've been away for a couple of days so coming back to all of this was a shock! I had to google what hallmark movies are which gave me a good laugh. In perfect time for Christmas right? Maybe I can post an update of my wonderful 'Christmas vacation romance' with Mark. I'll spoil the ending though and say that I'm not in a relationship with Mark! I might seem like some crazy ass lady right now, but I still have some of my brain left. We're not together, and at the moment that's not something I plan on doing! I'd like to clear up some small things, although theyre not really important lol. So yes, I have a catering business! When I say 'Business account' on reddit, I was trying to be a bit fancy, it's a marketing account. I'm in some subs for my state and city, which I use to post things about my business (Also, a business is very loosely, I wish it was a large company, but it's quite small. I have 12 employees, and 6 of them (Including me) do the actual runs/cooking.) It was our first out of state trip for the business which was super exciting! but we mostly travel between local cities for work. I was a bit generous with the vacation time, but that's just because we deserved a break, normally I'll just give us a 2 day rest day (If we're outside our city) The job was from a reference and came very unexpected! We barely had enough time to prepare but decided to take it as the money was good, I genuinely had no reason to come back to that state, so again, total surprise. I realize that I sounded like a lovestruck puppy in my post, and I honestly was. I was riding the high from the entire experience and was (admittedly) moving super fast. I'll be honest. I still haven't completely recovered from my divorce, It really has affected me in ways I can't describe, so when this guy from my past came up, reminding me of my youth and being all charming, I got giddy, I know, yell at me, Now that I'm home I can finally breathe, I can think straight and its a lot better. I'm not planning on getting back together with Mark at the moment, but I AM seeing where things go. I know a lot of you were yelling at me to snap out of this cheaters lies, and I get it, my friends yelled the same thing, and for a time, I did to. But it was 20 years ago. I'm just over it, and that's all I can say. Anyway, thanks for this reddit thing! The comments were refreshing haha. I guess if anyone has questions I can answer? although I'm not sure if there's much to ask. (Also, yes, Mark sounds like a dick, I painted him like that because he WAS a dick. I had never hated someone so much when I first met him, and I didn't really explain it in my post, but I didn't just go "Wow! you're so hot! xoxo" after he switched up. I still actively disliked him for months. What got me to change my opinion was the change I saw in him over those months. I explained it in some of my comments on the update post. I had a really long thread with a user where I went into a lot more detail regarding the little details in between, if anyone is interested) **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My ex-Fiancé (M44) cheated on me 20 years ago. Should I (F44) Go out to dinner with him to catch up?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17gnyg9/my_exfiancé_m44_cheated_on_me_20_years_ago_should/

17gnyxy

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Helpful-Minimum8496 **I found tickets for a cruise that my bf got me. This gift has cemented for me that this relationship is over.** **Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!controlling behavior, emotional abuse/manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/Cp6VAOPihX) **Oct 16, 2023** I need to let this out without getting pushback from family and friends who think his gift is romantic so im using a throwaway. My birthday is coming up in a few months and 3 days ago, i found out what my birthday present was which are tickets to a cruise. His sister spilled the news thinking I would be excited and im not. We live together and I found the gift and know it's for me. I sound so ungrateful but I'm not. This gift just proves to me that things will never change. The first thing is this gift isn't for me. I do not like cruises because I get really bad sea sickness and nothing I do helps. I also told him what I wanted to do for my birthday which was go to a Renfaire festival on my birthday. I have already taken the week off from work for it in preparation to go this fair. I have purchased tickets and am saving month to month so that I have spending money without it affecting finances at home. Why would he book tickets the same time as the time I took off to go to this festival. Also this cruise wasn't cheap at all so it's bascially wasted money because im not going. I'm so annoyed. I have told him time and time again that I dont feel like he listens to me, that I feel like he just gets me things by thinking about what's best for him or what he would like. It's not only gifts. He makes decisions based on what he thinks is best and i just cant deal with it anymore. I love him but I'm so done and before anyone says I didn't talk to him or to talk to him about this, I have repeatedly. This has been a recurring conversation in our 2.5 year relationship. The next thing to do is talk this out and end things. Edit: I appreciate the comments and concern about cheating but I know the gift is for me because it was in really nice packaging that said "Happy Birthday (my name)" and the bag had like cruise ship related items and possible excursions. The effort he went to, it made me sad because that means he could have put in a little effort about the things i like. If he had even just gotten me a ticket for the Renfaire festival or accessories from online or even a piece of an outfit that had to do with Renfaire, it would have made my entire month. It would have meant that he listened and got me something that interested me. I'm talking to him tonight, and I'm not even annoyed anymore. I feel nothing about this. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/pxt5G05RRu)  **Oct 19, 2023** The day I wrote my post is the day I ended things with my ex. When he came home, I bascially said I found the tickets for the cruise and I asked him who they were for. He said they were for me for my birthday and i ruined the suprise. I asked him why did he get me tickets for a cruise when he knew that I get sea sick and also when he knew that I have been preparing for a Renfaire Festival for a couple of months. He said that he always liked cruises when he went on them and he thought that I could push through it with patches or some other remedy because it was a really expensive cruise. He continued talking but tbh, I spaced out because I realized just how much this man didn't care about me. He brought cruise tickets completely disregarding what I had planned, how I would feel, and what i wanted to do all because he liked them. Like fuck my birthday, fuck what I want, fuck how sick i get. He likes cruises so we should do that. I think he realized I wasn't speaking or excited because he asked me what was wrong and I broke up with him. He was shocked and angry and he asked why. This isn't the exact wording but I said something like, "It's because I have realized how much you really don't care about me and that you're always willing to put your wants over mine everytime it suits you, even on my birthday." He started to argue and wanted to talk about it but I was just numb and went to bed on the couch. After 2 hours of trying to speak to me, he left me alone. I woke up the next day and got ready for work. I oddly felt fine and he wanted to talk but I just said I'm done and if he wanted to talk about the apartment or what we would do about the lease or anything regarding the end of the relationship, I'm ok with that. I told him I'm not changing my mind about this and for me, this relationship is done and I just want to split amicably. While I was at work that day, I had free time and I wrote down every instance I could remember just in the last 6 months of him choosing his wants/needs over mine. It was nearly three pages front to back and I didnt even realize how much I let go off because he didn't want to do it. When I went home and he tried to talk again, I gave him the list and I explained what it was. He left me alone the rest of the second night. He's still not accepting the breakup. He wants to do couples therapy now or even go on a break because he realizes how much he has done but NOPE, I'm not doing it. I'm not trying to be mean or harsh to him but I don't want to give him false hope. I also feel weirdly ok but also numb at the same time. What I have to deal with now is breaking the lease which he isn't willing to do because he thinks we can move past this. So im going to talk to the leasing office and see my options. At least I have my birthday to look forward to as I deal with a relationship ending and having to find a new place to live. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I found tickets for a cruise that my bf got me. This gift has cemented for me that this relationship is over.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17gnyxy/i_found_tickets_for_a_cruise_that_my_bf_got_me/

17gxeqi

I am not OP. Original posts from r/AITAH r/TwoHotTakes r/AmItheAsshole and OP is u/ThrowRAFriendsCrush. I have their permission to upload these posts. Trigger Warning: >!Homophobia!< >!Sexism!< >! and Being a bad friend!< Mood Spoiler: >!A little sad, a little confusing!< &#x200B; **First Post; July 23 2023:** [**WIBTA for taking advantage of a friend's \[18M\] Birthday to ask out my crush \[19F\]?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/156p2ro/wibta_for_taking_advantage_of_a_friends_18m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **Posted by:** [**ThrowRAFriendsCrush**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAFriendsCrush) **on the subs** r/AITAH r/TwoHotTakes **and** r/AmItheAsshole TL;DR at bottom! So I'll just get right into the situation. I am 19M, and will be starting my second year of University in August. I've known my crush, 19F, since an event in my hometown hosted by graduates of our University for departing students. This was hosted last July, 2022 I mean, for the upcoming first year students to get to know each other and meet graduates from the school. We met there, and I got her instagram but didn't get much of a chance to talk to her beyond that. I didn't really have a good reason to reach out online, so I let it be. So the friend I mentioned before turns 19 a few weeks after we arrive on campus. I don't feel the story of how we met is relevant to the story beyond the fact that we met through mutual friends, so we're more "friend group" friends than one-on-one friends. We have hung out though and we've been friends for a while now, at least since November 2022. One time we were all hanging out at my dorm's common room and he mentioned his plans for the weekend, and a school organization he was part of was throwing a party. He said he didn't have a date yet, but his roommate (also part of our group) asked about some of his female friends (I think the friend is straight but I'm not sure) and my crush was one of the names mentioned. I asked how they knew each other, and my friend said they met during a summer program the university hosted during the pandemic for high schoolers interested in attending the university. He didn't mention exactly what year this was but they definitely knew each other for a whole year before our first University year began. It's weird how he knows her better than I do considering I'm from the same town as she is and he's from an entirely different state, but being his friend allowed me an opportunity to get to know her better. Over the next few months, I'd ask about her and if I saw him out with her I'd insert myself and make it a group hang out. I know he didn't see her romantically, he had a crush on another girl during this time. I once asked him if she ever talks about me, and he said he couldn't remember, so I'm taking that as a no, but she had accepted my instagram follow request so I took that as a mark of progress. I feel that the only way I can get closer to my crush is through things this friend will be at. Now this is where I feel like I might be the asshole. I'm not a half-bad cook, and baking isn't that far off from what I can tell. My friend loves to bake, and I know my crush likes the stuff he's baked in the past. He even baked a birthday cake for her (this was before I knew the two knew each other, otherwise I would have thought to do that too). I know my friend was going to bake his own cake, because his roommate posted in a new group chat to our friends saying that we should consider getting him round cake pans as a group gift and he can give it to him before the actual birth day. I know that my crush will be at his birthday party, since she's moving to a dorm closer to his this year and she was at his last one with his other friends from that program and the friends he had already made (she posted it on her instagram). I'm thinking if I get the cake pans that my friend asked for, I can bake the cake for his birthday. This will: 1. allow me to show off my own baking skills, which I doubt he'll mind since everyone at the party has had his baking before. It'll be a change of pace. 2. Give him a break from baking. Why would he want to bake on his birthday anyways? 3. I can give him the pans after I'm done with them so he can get the gift he wanted anyways. After all of this, I want to ask my crush out before the party ends, because she'll see how thoughtful and hard working I am there and it'll still be fresh in her mind. I asked his roommate about this, and his roommate says I'd be an asshole since I'd be giving him used bakeware, and the roommate questioned if I would be offering to bake if I didn't have a crush on someone who is attending. He has a point, but I don't think the reasoning matters in the end when looking at the outcome that'll happen. Roommate also said that it would be my friend's day, and that if I wanted to ask her out I could ask her on any other day. I know the roommate hasn't told my friend yet, since he is terrified of conflict. But I don't think there's a conflict here. My friend isn't interested in my crush, and I'm sure he'd be happy with setting me up with her if he knew that I was interested. And I can't imagine my crush being interested in my friend. So would I be the asshole? TL;DR: My crush will be at a mutual's friend birthday party in a few weeks, and I want to bake him a cake and give him the involved cake pans (originally intended as a group effort) as his gift, and I think it would make me look good in front of my crush and I can ask her out because of it. My friend says he wants to bake the cake himself. Would I be the asshole? **Some comments that stood out:** Um, don’t bake the cake. You are kind of an AH, let your friend bake the cake as he planned. When you see the girl at the party ask her out. That’s it. That’s all you need to do. Don’t get upset though if she says no. Just stay on friendly terms and move on. >OP's Response: I really doubt she'll say no. This is more of a confidence thing on my part I feel. And there will be other people around too &#x200B; YWBTA. DO. NOT. DO. THIS. I am an avid baker. If I want to make my own cake, it’s because I don’t want anyone else’s garbage cake. And sorry, but you’ve NEVER MADE A CAKE BEFORE? Why would someone that’s an excellent baker want a first-time cake? Second to this, why would they want an open and used gift? That’s just so rude, especially because you’re not using THEIR gift for them, you’re using THEIR gift to impress another person. That’s messed up. Lastly, if you and this girl aren’t texting, aren’t messaging on socials, and haven’t started hanging out as regular friends (even as part of the group, as you’re having to “insert” yourself) and it’s been a year, she is not interested. You making a cake under dubious circumstances will not make her be interested… You also need to consider whether your friend is actually interested in her or if that’s you wanting that to be the case. Just. No. >He makes cakes and stuff all the time so I don't see the big deal in me making one? I'm sure he would appreciate the gesture. I'll use a box mix anyway so it's not like I'll mess it up too bad. "Second to this, why would they want an open and used gift? That’s just so rude, especially because you’re not using THEIR gift for them, you’re using THEIR gift to impress another person. That’s messed up." \- I'll be giving him the cake pans, and he'll use them to bake the cake if I don't, so it's not like they'll be unused by the time his party roles around anyway. "Lastly, if you and this girl aren’t texting, aren’t messaging on socials, and haven’t started hanging out as regular friends (even as part of the group, as you’re having to “insert” yourself) and it’s been a year, she is not interested." \- We only have the one mutual friend, so she's not in our "friend group" like my friend's roommate is. That's why we don't hang out in group settings. But if I see them getting a meal together and they aren't with his other friends from the program I'll sit and eat with them. They have NEVER asked me not to or said that they don't want me to. "You also need to consider whether your friend is actually interested in her or if that’s you wanting that to be the case." \- Sorry, didn't mean to say he was interested in her, meant to imply the opposite. I don't see any future where they're together since he liked someone else this last year, and I don't think she would be interested in him. Hope this cleared that up! On why OP thinks his crush would not be into this friend: >I don't see how my crush would be interested in my friend as he is, to put it politely, rather unfortunate looking and slightly overweight (explains all the baking though). As for her, she's really attractive and graceful, not at all the type of person I'd see going for my friend. He has self-esteem issues so I don't think, even if he was interested, he'd attempt anything. &#x200B; [**First Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1613l1a/update_wibta_for_taking_advantage_of_a_friends/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**, about a month later on August 25, 2023 (editor's note: removed link to original post in first paragraph) posted on** r/AITAH **and** r/TwoHotTakes So I've started my second year at University, and my friend has his birthday in a week. The reason I'm updating before the birthday, though, is because there's been some news with him that I feel betters my chances with my crush. Some commenters thought they knew better than me, who actually knows these people, and said that they might have been interested in each other. Well, you all were wrong. The other day I saw my friend out with a girl I didn't know, but I asked his roommate and he said that it's a childhood friend who got admitted to the University this year. They've gotten dinner together the last few nights, so it's pretty obvious what's going on. So for everyone saying that they were going to get together, hope you feel proud. I bought the cake pans, and I have the cake mix and ingredients ready to make the cake. I haven't seen my crush yet, and she hasn't read my message on instagram yet but we're all busy with the first few days of classes. She never liked him, and she's still single. And even if she did like him, now that he's with someone else, she'll be sad. Either way, it's the perfect time to make a move. &#x200B; **One comment that stood out above the rest on the updates:** First, no one said that they knew better than you. The suggestion that your friend and your crush could possibly have feelings for each other was really just speculative. It was something for you to think about, something to consider. Second, your friend going out to dinner with a childhood friend, doesn’t necessarily suggest anything romantic. To be fair, it doesn’t suggest anything that isn’t romantic — I go out to dinner with my friends and it’s platonic, so I don’t really see how this supports your argument any better. I’d say it has one leg to stand on, at least. Lastly, I am hoping that the cake pans you’re using for this cake aren’t the cake pans meant for your friend? At least get new (unused) cake pans for him so you don’t come off as rude. Although, you bringing the cake, even though no one asked you to, is already imposing. &#x200B; [**Final Update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAFriendsCrush/comments/179hi1c/second_update_the_party_and_what_happened_after/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**, October 16, 2023. Uploaded to OPP"s Profile.** It’s been a while. A lot of speculation was going on in the comments I saw. A lot of people assuming that because I’m not updating that it went poorly. Maybe I’ve been too busy hanging with my NEW GIRLFRIEND to have time to update. But you wouldn’t think that; you’ve all come to the conclusion that I’m the villain. First: I gave him the pans and he fucking loved them. He didn’t even care that they were used. The one thing that pissed me off is that nobody wanted the cake I made since he baked cupcakes earlier and everyone was having those instead. I get that it was his birthday but I baked the cake, and nobody even said “thank you” Second: His friend from home. Turns out he and her aren’t dating because “she’s a lesbian.” I think she’s just not interested in him but is trying to be nice so she doesn’t hurt his feelings because apparently he’s had some mental health shit going on or something. His ex was shitty to him or something and he had to go to therapy about it. I’m starting to think he might be gay. Would explain how he’s so sensitive about everything and stuff like how he likes to bake. So it’s now my goal to help him feel comfortable in coming out, because nobody deserves to live a secret like that. I don’t even care that being gay is a sin, I’m trying to be more accepting of stuff like that. Third: Even though that friend was “a lesbian,” allegedly, the girl I like was not dating the birthday guy either. I tried to ask her out but she said no, and that she wasn’t ready for a relationship yet. That’s why I didn’t update. Because I knew everyone would be so fucking happy at my expense, because she said no to me. But then a week later I see her out with some guy I’ve never seen before and she’s laughing and touching his arm, so she fucking lied to me. No reason to reflect on it, and even beyond that I’m pretty sure she wasn’t a virgin anyways so it wouldn’t work out between us. No girl is that well liked by guys without putting out. Fourth: I myself am dating now. I met her while she and her family were touring campus. She’s only in high school but she’s local, and 18 so I’m not breaking the law. She’s not super popular or social so I don’t think I have to worry about the virginity thing. She’s super into me, and honestly it’s refreshing to be treated the way I deserve to be after dealing with so much unneeded shit. Lastly, I don’t think I can be friends with any of those people at the party. After I asked out my crush, the birthday guy, his roommate and another guy in the friend group confronted me and told me I was “making the women in the group feel unsafe.” None of the girls were there though, so I can’t honestly confirm this is how they feel. I’m operating under the idea that the guys only did that because they don’t like me, and the girls aren’t in on it. I have no idea why any of them would feel unsafe with me, I didn’t say anything that would make them feel that way.

WIBTA for taking advantage of a friend's [18M] Birthday to ask out my crush [19F]?

CONCLUDED

MacbethHamlet

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17gxeqi/wibta_for_taking_advantage_of_a_friends_18m/

17hdu68

**I am not The OOP, OOP is [deleted]** **TIFU By being an asshole to my best customer.** **Originally posted to r/tifu** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Polyphobic, misogyny, mentions of sexual abuse!< [Original Post recovered with the wayback machine](https://web.archive.org/web/20211129142420/https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/r4ww38/tifu_by_being_an_asshole_to_my_best_customer/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)  **Nov 29, 2021** So, this happened a couple of years ago, pre-pandemic. I owned a comic book and game store in a metropolitan area and I'd been there for several years. As with any place of business you get your regulars. I had two employees that worked for me, one of which was a young lady that had worked with one of my regular customers from the area. Now, this regular customer, we'll call him "Mr. M." typically came in on the weekends when I wasn't there, but every once in a while he'd come in during the week and talk with me about miniatures or comics or whatever table top game was coming out. He didn't make an impression on me one way or the other. Then one day, he stopped coming in. My female employee, we'll call her "Ms. F" told me that Mr. M. was hurt really bad at work and he had asked her to make his purchases while he was in the hospital and I didn't think much about it. Fast forward to about six months later, Mr. M comes into the store and he's in a wheelchair. His girlfriend is with him, we'll call her "Ms. G." Now, full transparency, I had a HUGE crush on Ms. G. I would gush like an idiot around her and spend way too much time explaining some inane thing she'd ask about just to be talking her up. She is probably one of the most intelligent women I've ever met, funny and beautiful to boot. Mr. M. had to have noticed, but he never said anything about it, and after he was in a wheelchair I spent a little more time talking to him. It turns out he was a really cool guy. Lead and amazing life and was well liked by the other customers that came in into my store. After his injury I noticed him coming in more frequently, since he wasn't able to work. He was always with his girlfriend because he could no longer drive himself and we sort of became friends. I went to visit him at his home a couple of times. It was a modest place, but you could tell everything in it was high quality. He had a gaming room and a video game arcade in part of the house. One day while I was there, my employee Ms. F. showed up at his house, came in with her own key and went into his room and came out wearing different clothes. It threw me off so I asked what the deal was and found out that Mr. M was dating his girlfriend, Ms. G. and my employee at the same time and they were open about it. A couple of days later when Ms. G. came into the store with Mr. M. I tentatively broached the subject with Ms. G. and she not only confirmed, but even told me they were trying to find a way to "make it official" between the three of them. That's when the jealousy kicked in. Mr. M was a nice guy, and he wasn't ugly or anything but I just couldn't for life of me figure out how this guy, even before he was in a wheelchair, could land two of the most beautiful and intelligent women I had ever met, at the same time... And they wanted to be sister-wives with the guy. I kept it to myself of course and life carried on like this for about 18 more months. Then the fuck up happened... I was having a pretty shitty week at the store. One employee had quit without notice and Ms. F. had taken some time off in advance to focus on school. I had some temp help, but this guy was an idiot and could do little more than bag comics and put things on the shelf. During this time, I had quite a few customers try to haggle me down in price on my merchandise. I don't know what was going on but it seemed like every other customer wanted some kind of discount. Then, Mr. M. came in. He had ordered some new stuff for a game he played. While he was ordering them, he and I were talking and he asked, "Since I'm buying so many of these, is there a chance I could get a better price on them?" Full disclosure, he had ordered ten cases of stuff, I was charging him full retail plus my mark-up. There was plenty of wiggle room for me to give him a discount of some kind. I could have given him 40% off and still walked away with a profit. Also, it should be noted, if he hadn't been ordering these ten cases, I would never have had the stock in my store to begin with. It was basically free money. Instead of giving him a discount I yelled at him, in front of about half a dozen other customers, "You're a fucking asshole! Are you seriously asking me for a discount? What is with "you people" and "your discounts?" Do you think I'm running a charity here? I have to make money to pay the bills here!.." And it went on like this for about five minutes of him just sitting there in his wheelchair looking up at me while I piled on every complaint about shitty customers that came to mind. I don't know what came over me, but I felt like I had some small measure of power over this guy and my jealousy wouldn't let me abate my temper. After I took a breath and stepped back, that's when I knew I fucked up. Everyone was staring at me, one person had their phone out, recording. Ms. F had walked in at some point and watched this tirade unfolding. Every time Ms. G. had tried to wheel Mr. M. away, he would just gently put his hand on hers and stop her. He didn't say a word the whole time I was losing my shit. Not a single word. Then, as if nothing had happened he said, "Okay, my man. My bad for asking, I didn't know you felt so strongly about it. Here, let me pay for my order and give me a call when the stuff comes in." I was completely flummoxed by his reaction but I finished the transaction and he paid my asking price and he left with Ms. G., Ms. F. followed him out as he was leaving and she came back in a few minutes later to buy a couple of things for herself. She acted like nothing had happened and I tried to give her a feeble apology and she said, "Don't worry about it, he's not going to, so you shouldn't." That was the last time I saw Mr. M. in person. His order came in about five days later, Ms. G. and Ms. F. came in to pick up his order and about a week after that Ms. F. told me she wasn't coming back after her scheduled time off. I noticed a couple of weeks later that for the first time in years, I had a downward trend in profit for the month. The following month it was worse. Typically I would order certain games or comics because they were in high demand and I'd have to reorder them twice a month, this time the stuff I had ordered at the beginning of the month was still sitting on the shelf. Since I was spending more time at the store I started to notice that some of my regulars were becoming irregulars and I got a chance to have my accountant walk me through the books. That's when I noticed it, through out the month there would be these cash purchases ranging about $300 to $500 three times a week. Usually on Tuesdays, which I didn't work on, and on Saturdays and Sundays, which I also didn't work on. So, I reached out to Ms. F and asked her about it, since it looked like those were usually the times when she worked. I started asking about the transactions and she quickly said, "Oh, yeah, that was Mr. M., he spent $1,200 to $1,500 a week there by himself. Basically every week since I started, which was like, since you opened the store, right?" I could literally feel my heart hit my stomach on the way to my knees. I asked Ms. F. if he had ever asked to use her employee discount. She promptly said no, but that the money she typically did spend there, $80 to $100 a week was usually given to her by Mr. M. But wait, it gets worse. The third month after the incident, one of my regulars comes in who hadn't been in for a while. I started talking with him and ask if he knows where everyone had gone? My regular MTG group had dwindled down to about 4 guys coming in when up to this point it had been a group of at least 50. My miniatures players hadn't been in to play in almost 5 weeks and the pull boxes were about to be cleaned out because more than two thirds of my regular comic subscribers just stopped showing up. That's when he tells me, "Yeah... about that. You know Mr. M., right? Someone shared the video of you berating him on our FaceBook group and Comic Book Store Owner That Isn't You offered him a 15% discount for life. Since Mr. M. started going there, they set up miniature tables and started hosting card and board games. Everyone is going there now..." I barely paid rent that month. The following month I didn't make rent and the month after that it was official, I had to close up shop. Two months after that, I literally moved back into my parents house. I went over the books as far back as I could, and in the course of the previous 5 years, it looked like Mr. M. had spent over $325,000 at my shop, by himself. He never was flashy or flaunted his wealth or anything, but he certainly spent more than enough to cover my lease and utilities. I bring all this up because yesterday, I ran into Mr. M. at a local taco joint. He was walking around and you'd never be able to tell he had been in a wheelchair. Ms. G. was with him, it's Mrs. G now. She's still gorgeous and charming. They were out picking up a craving for Ms. F. (Mrs. F., maybe?) since she was at home, pregnant with her and Mr. M's second child. We talked a bit about the pandemic, how some local businesses were hit hard. I brought up that I had heard that one of the local shops survived the pandemic because they got bankrolled by a customer that didn't want to see them close due to hardships. Ms. G. gave a giggle at that and Mr. M. tapped the side of his nose and winked at me, Santa Claus style. I died inside. Then I got to watch them drive away in a brand new 2021 Bronco First Edition while I'm still driving the car I did the last time I saw Mr. M. After they left I sat there in my car thinking about this colossal fuck up. I swear I was cry-eating my tacos... P.S. I still live with my parents because once my boss found out that it was me that treated Mr. M. so badly, he fired me. TL;DR: I lost my shit on a regular customer that was spending three times my rent and utilities by himself every month. I went out of business and had to move in with my parents. [Update recovered with the wayback machine](https://web.archive.org/web/20211215203006/https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/rh8hkz/tifu_update_tifu_by_being_an_asshole_to_my_best/)  **Dec 15, 2021** A couple of weeks ago I posted this beauty: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/r4ww38/tifu_by_being_an_asshole_to_my_best_customer/ A lot of shade was thrown my way in the comments, particularly about my writing style. A lot of people demanded I dox myself. A lot of people called me a liar. Etc, etc, etc. All that being said, there were some comments that encouraged me to seek therapy, which I did. There were comments encouraging me to apologize, which I did. And, there were comments and private messages encouraging me to learn more about polygamy, which I did. So, here's how each of those things went. First, polygamy. Apparently "Ethical Non-Monagamy" is a real thing that people practice and Mr. M., Mrs. M (formerly "Ms. G.") and Ms. F have been a happy thruple for quite a long time, even before I actually met them. I just didn't know it. It works for some people and is a very desirable life choice for those that think monogamy leads to infidelity. I realize that's not for everyone now, and I shouldn't automatically make assumptions about people who are in these types of relationships. Secondly, therapy. Well guys, I'm apparently broken. After my first visit, my therapist suggested visits twice a week for the first three months, then tapering off to once a week after that. I'm going to my fourth session tomorrow. I'll spare you most of the details, but the general idea is that I have misogynistic tendencies and I have self destructive triggers when it comes to the opposite sex because I was molested by a group of older women when I was a tween and teen. I have learned that because of my age I could not have consented and that even though I had been denying it to myself, it did me great emotional harm. I have also learned that my parents are enablers, at least my mother is. And that I should consider distancing myself from her as soon as possible as she is partly responsible for the abuse at the hands of her social group. So, we're working on that. My father did not throw me out after seeing my last post. But, when he reads this, he probably will. Who knows? Lastly, the apology. I reached out to Ms. F. on the premise that I wanted to congratulate her on her expectancy and during the course of that I explained I would like to meet with the three of them in the near future to apologize in person. She agreed, and said that would be nice and told me that the three of them would actually be not far from my house the next day and if I wanted to, we could meet for lunch. I almost chickened out at the last minute. But I went. They were there together, sitting outside when I arrived. Ms. F. was definitely pregnant and Mr. M. was seated between the two of them so I sat opposite him. I lead with, "Look, I know it's been a long time, but I feel like I really owe you an apology for the way I acted a few years back in my shop. So, I'm sorry for that. Also, I'm sorry it took me this long to apologize." Mr. M. said, "Oh, I don't care about any of that. It was never a big deal to me. Apology accepted." He saw the confusion on my face when he said he didn't care about any of that. And continued with, "We moved two weeks after that. Didn't Ms. F tell you that when she gave notice? It was just too far to drive to all the time. Since you never texted or called, we assumed you didn't really miss us." I asked where they were living now, generally, and sure enough, the shop he started going to is about seven miles closer to his house than mine would have been. And in city miles, that's basically across the country. "Plus, I just found out I was preggos, so I decided I needed to find work closer to home.", Ms. F. chimed in. So, here I am, having twisted myself up about all of this and everything and to these people, it was nothing of consequence. We finished lunch together, they told me about the things they're doing and seem to be doing really well with life. So good for them. I somehow feel worse after-the-fact. Just goes to show, right? That's the update. Have fun ripping me apart. TL;DR I apologized to someone I was rude to, it didn't even matter. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU By being an asshole to my best customer

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17hdu68/tifu_by_being_an_asshole_to_my_best_customer/

17hf04t

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Mar_Reddit **[Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16zawjs/tifu_by_pranking_a_friend_into_thinking_that/)** **Originally posted to** r/tifu **NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH:** --- **TIFU by pranking a friend into thinking that someone she's a huge fan of messaged her.** Trigger Warnings: >!deadnaming, and disturbingly gory metaphorss about animals!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/16rtt4s/tifu_by_pranking_a_friend_into_thinking_that/?share_id=o-wIIsmCfXvGgQy8S6SKc&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **September 25, 2023** Yo So I do animation as a pass time. I've met a lot of people in the animation community and I've learned a lot from them! I likely wouldn't be where I am in animation without their help and hand holding! In this community, I met this girl who has an INCREDIBLE talent for creating models. I'm talking models fit for actual film production! They're INCREDIBLE. I've commissioned a few models from her and they're all GOD tier. I love them to bits! Now see, she enjoys this 3D animated series online that she bases her models artstyle on. I happen to love this series too, and commissioned my models to be in the same artstyle. The other day, she did this "Anonymous message" thing on her social. Where you could send her an anonymous message and she'll reply to it on a public post. I pretended to be the voice actress of her favorite character in this show and told her that I loved her work and that she was incredible. [EDIT: ^ THIS WAS IN AN ANONYMOUS TEXT POST LMAOOO. I didn't "do a voice" lmao. I see where people were getting mixed up now.] She got SUPER excited and posted it with gusto. When I saw how excited she got.... I realized I probably goofed.... I thought she would say "lol bs. Next," or something. Just cause that's how I would've responded if someone claiming to be someone I was a huge fan of messaged me. I realize how naiive and stupid that thought process was of me now. Anyway, I told her it was me and she called me a bastard and told me to actually fuck off. Which.... is fair.... I knew she enjoyed this series & characters but I didn't know it meant so much to her. So right now, I've sent her a short apology and am giving her space... waiting for a little while for things to cool before I send her a much more genuine apology explaining myself and letting her know that I understand if she doesn't want to work with me on models anymore. If she doesn't, that's 100% fair and I deserve it. I wanted to make this post cause I feel better typing these things out. And I know I deserve to be called a dickhead by internet strangers for this one. GOD I feel like such a cunt... Update: I found the VA of her favorite character on cameo. Thanks for the suggestion! I've booked to have her give my friend a personal message about how good a modeler she is and how talented she is. I'm leaving the apology out of it. That part is my job. Hopefully it all comes through and I can send the message along with my apology. TL;DR I posed as my friends favorite characters voice actress in an anonymous message thinking she wouldn't take it seriously and she got SUPER excited. I felt bad not realizing how much this meant to her and told her it was me. Now she's pissed at me and I feel like a piece of shit and I deserve it :( &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/16ssc7i/tifu_by_pranking_a_friend_into_thinking_that/?share_id=6tfzImAqoOcBwkURSe3TH&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **September 26, 2023 (One day later)** Welp.... I bring unfortunate news. In my last post, I had updated by saying that I was following what someone suggested and getting in touch with the VA. Which was a great idea! They had a cameo! I paid the extra fee to get it express done within 24 hours! 24 hours has come and gone.... let's just say I better get my fucking money back. So I was going to go back to plan A: Giving appropriate apologies since things cooled down. Come to find out.... I'm blocked. Which... sure did sting. I had hoped that we could have at least talked about it.... but I suppose I'm not entitled to her time. I really didn't think something like that would do this much damage, else I never would have done it. But oh well, not much I can do about it now. I suppose all I can really do now is maybe hope that she's just want to take some time away from me before talking about it, but I guess that's wishful thinking. I had taken note though that she unfollowed me on Twitter but she didn't block me. So that's why I'm holding on to hope that she wants to talk eventually. That has to be her choice, not mine. So I'm not going to DM her on twitter. Getting that message from that VA sure likely would have helped, buuuuuuut fuck me >:( So I guess the best I can do now is maybe talk to a mutual friend to let her know how sorry I am and then just leave her alone and let HER decide if she ever wans anything to do with me without any extra intrusion beyond that. Her having any more involvement with me has to be HER decision. I can't force her, and I'm not going to try. I think I've done enough. The prank would have been funny in my personal friend group, but I should have realized that different friends have different boundaries. What would have been funny in my friend group likely wouldn't be funny to her. Not to make this about me or to throw a pity party for myself, but I don't have many friends :( It's just... depressing how quickly this all happened. So little communication. Absolutely zero chance to make it right. But I suppose I'm not entitled to that chance I guess. Realistically, even if I did nothing to her and she had just decided she doesn't want anything to do with me, who am I to say otherwise? TL;DR title story happened, friend is super upset to the point of immediately blocking me. Fuck why am I like this ***NikkerFu:** So no cameo?* >**OP:** Nope. I'll keep trying cuz I at least owe her that much. But getting that message to her is about as far as I'm going to go. &nbsp; --- # NEW UPDATE &nbsp; [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/17ccwew/tifu_by_pranking_a_friend_into_thinking_that/?share_id=NDDx_3zyRrWfhvs-H47Wh&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) – **October 20, 2023** ***OH BOIIIII I MADE IT WORSE.*** Aiight, so it's been a few weeks since this whole thing went down. This is already long concluded, and I wasn't originally going to make this update. But I guess I've got a little bit of juice left for this one. Some of you may already be able to guess how I could have made this worse, as some of you were in the thread when the ideas were discussed. Buuuuuut to recap. After I upset them with the joke, someone suggested I could probably get in contact with the actual voice actress for a personal message. That made sense to me! I felt it was the only way to make it right was to actually have the voice actor give them a personal message to make up for it. It took like two attempts to get the message, but I finally received it! I had a mutual friend send it to them along with an apology. And then waited to see if I would get a response from them. As I said before, them talking to me has to be their decision. So I was leaving it at the personal message. Days went by without getting a word from them. So I ultimately chalked it up to "there's no salvaging this" and was just going to leave them alone. UNTIL .....Y'see... I've been talking to other friends about this who also know them. They had about the same thoughts on this as I and a lot of other Reddit users in my previous post had: "I can understand being upset about this, but immediate one strike, you're out, no contact with no way to make it right? Seems like a bit of a extreme reaction." Sooooo..... without my knowledge, one of our mutual friends contacted them, explaining that I was sorry and only wanted a chance to make it right and all. That we didn't understand why she felt so strongly about this. That I only wanted to talk to them to understand. Which killed me inside when he told me he contacted them.... buuuuut we got an answer. She had felt like "she had finally been recognized by someone she looked up to so much. That it was because of their hard work that she got enough clout that it got them recognized.That it hurt them to realize that it was just me and that she didn't earn anything." I had already figured that from their reaction to the joke. Buuuuuut.... that's not the worst part. You see, some redditors were warning me that this could backfire. I took this into consideration I was about to decide against getting the private message. But I talked to a few mutual friends who knew them better and all of them thought it was a great idea. That I could say "sorry" as many times as I want, but nothing would really show that I'm sorry other than something tangible. I figured, "well they know them better than Reddit does so..." I chose to get the message. Here's where I could make a whole new TIFU post: I went off of their socials to know what name they would want to go off of and even their pronouns to make sure I got it all right.... you may have noticed I'm now referring to "her" as "She/they." TURNS OUT, THEIR SOCIALS STILL HAD THEIR DEADNAME. I HAD THEIR IDOL DEAD NAME THEM. She says that I was already beating a dead horse trying to apologize, but that that private message was basically turning that dead horse into tenderized meat and like... throwing an extra bag of puppies into a river. But now I robbed her of a chance of actually earning her Idols attention. And that it didn't help that she had to hear their Idol DEAD NAME them. So yeah. There's no coming back from this one :( I'll happily take the $60 I paid for an Express message as my asshole tax. Thank you. Tho, in my defense, a little communication sure would have gone a long way >>>:( That's the only thing that kind of upset me about how she handled this. I never would have gotten that message if she just told me this their self. She said that I should've gotten all of this from being blocked. Fair, but for all I knew, she was having a bad day and just didn't want to talk for a bit. I just wanted to know how badly I fucked up and if there was some way I could make up for this. She said "you want an adult answer? My adult answer is no." An "adult" way of telling me would've been to tell me yourself >>>:( I was working with so little info, and she expected me to get SO MUCH info just from being blocked. All I knew was that she was upset. I had no idea it was "I want nothing more to do with you" upset. I just wanted them to know I was sorry and was content to leave them alone after that. I DID leave them alone. Until our mutual messaged them. BUT.... I got the answer I was looking for... there was, and most definitely now, no fixing this. Now that I know for sure there's no fixing this, and that she's "I want nothing more to do with you" upset, best I can do is respect that. It's been over a month now. Don't plan on changing that anytime soon. As I had already said previously, I'm not entitled to their company. So I'm actively avoiding anything to do with them. I still credit their work they've done for me, but that's about it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to climb into my dryer and turn it on. 🫠 TL;DR I tried to fix a mistake I made to a friend by getting a private message from their idol. Made their Idol dead name them 🙃 Am now flushing myself down the toilet in shame. Someone call r/Amithedevil cause FUCK. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

[New Update] - TIFU by pranking a friend into thinking that someone she's a huge fan of messaged her.

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17hf04t/new_update_tifu_by_pranking_a_friend_into/

17hf1he

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Ok_Condition8725 **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest retrieved by Wayback Machine **This guy won’t leave me alone and I’m terrified** Trigger Warnings: >!stalking!< Mood Spoilers: >!Hopeful, but inconclusive!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://web.archive.org/web/20231018043138/https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/17ai3h3/this_guy_wont_leave_me_alone_and_im_terrified/) - **October 17, 2023** It’s midnight and im up in my apartment wide awake and crying with no one awake to talk to so I decided to make my first Reddit account. Im 23F, moved to a new city about 8 months ago to try and pursue some childhood dreams, family is 5 hours away and we don’t have a good relationship. I don’t have a single close friend yet here because I’ve just been really focused on getting settled in/getting used to my job/college and all that. Im working as a waitress/bartender. I work at a small restaurant and work nights to work with my school schedule. Weekday nights are pretty dead, and I start at 4pm. I had a regular guy that came in every night. Really nice guy, always tipped well and always complimented me. After a few months he asked me out, but he’s 38 and I politely told him “hey you’re a super sweet guy and you’ll find a great girl but im not interested in that big of an age gap” I never reject people in a mean way, I would never want to hurt anyone but that age gap for me is like 10 years too much. And he started bringing me treats, coffee, flowers over the next little while and every time I asked him not to, I was really firm in telling him no. He came to my apartment building, which I never gave him my address so either he went in my wallet or followed me home idk. But it was terrifying, I told him to leave and I thought he did. It was right after I got done school, after an hour went by I went down to leave for work and he was waiting at my car in the parking lot. I tried to talk to him normally out of pure fear because we were the only ones down there and he was not nice, in the slightest. It was like talking to a different person that was two weeks ago, he’s not allowed at my work or apartment, I blocked him on everything because that experience gave me such bad vibes. I genuinely thought he was gonna kill me in the moment, if a group of people didn’t come down in the elevator that is. A few days after this I found an AirTag slipped in a small pocket in my purse. I can’t prove it was him but I’m assuming probably one time when he was the only one in the restaurant and went in the back and left my stuff out. He followed me on instagram when we first met, and I have pictures with my two closest friends from high school who live in another country now. They got weird messages from a fake account claiming to be me asking if I ever gave them any of my passwords because I was locked out of all my accounts. Again, can’t prove it was him but that struck me as extremely odd. Today I walked up to my friend at school who I study with every day and he’s like “hey I didn’t know you had a boyfriend, he was just in here looking for you” and then told me he also was told to stay away from me. My heart dropped because I know exactly who it was. I was really hoping that would be the end of it but now I don’t know what to do at all. &nbsp; [Update](https://web.archive.org/web/20231021020037/https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/17crp64/update_on_my_stalker/) - **October 20, 2023** Posted in here a few days ago and a lot of people wanted an update, I’m assuming this is how I should update? If you want to see the first post it’s on my page. Will probably delete both in a few days, but thought I’d update and say thanks for the advice. So number 1, I have a safe place to stay. I called my ex boyfriend and he told me to come stay with him. His apartment has way higher security than mine and there’s no way for anyone who doesn’t live there to access the parking lot, which is where he kept waiting for me so that’s a huge thing. Since he was coming to my school I’m doing most of my classes online, I have 2 in person classes on Thursday but my ex is gonna drop me off/pick me up after. They already had an interaction, after class yesterday, and “stalker” wasn’t so tough anymore when he saw my ex get out of the car, he backed down pretty fast. So really really praying that was enough to keep him away from me, I never told him about my ex being in the city because I didn’t really think about it, when I met him I told him I didn’t know a single person and I think he was preying on me because of that. I also just had to quit my job, it wasn’t worth the risk and I’ll be able to find another serving job somewhere. Yes, police were called already but I didn’t have any proof of real threats, and he hadn’t hurt me yet. So although he was forced to leave the premises, police couldn’t do much. I don’t know wether or not he’s found where I’m staying yet, but hopefully he’s too intimidated to ever try to come to my exs apartment. My ex has more than one car as well which is a blessing because mine is bright pink, so very easy to spot. I’ve been driving his. This whole thing sucks, I hate staying home!! I also hate not working. I’m at really lucky my ex I haven’t seen since we were 19 is helping me though.. got blessed with that one. Been almost 4 years and we’re already best friends again! &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

This guy won’t leave me alone and I’m terrified

INCONCLUSIVE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17hf1he/this_guy_wont_leave_me_alone_and_im_terrified/

17hf5ou

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Filmnerdofever](https://www.reddit.com/user/Filmnerdofever/). They posted in r/AITAH **Trigger Warning:** >!child endangerment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating but hopeful ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/170i41g/aitah_for_yelling_at_a_girl_with_down_syndrome/)**: October 5, 2023** I have a 14-year-old cousin with Down syndrome. She is overall a very nice girl but she has one major issue that can’t seem to be resolved: she coughs with her mouth wide open and coughs directly into people’s faces. I see her pretty often as we are a close family and this becomes an issue just about every time. I’ve tried staying silent but it’s a serious problem. I’ve addressed this with my aunt and she just tells me to get over it because she “doesn’t know any better.” However, I’ve noticed that she is not even taking the effort to try and correct her. She just sits around and lets her do it, does not even say something as simple as “let’s remember to cover our mouth.” I’ve told her she needs to get it under control but she refuses to acknowledge it, continuing to play the “she can’t help it” card. The final straw for me was two days ago when we were visiting my other aunt who has a newborn. They gave my cousin the chance to hold the baby while sitting on the couch. She then coughed two HUGE coughs directly into the baby’s face. I was terrified. I yelled “stop! You’ll make the baby sick!” My aunt told me to stop being so dramatic and let it go. My cousin then started crying. I responded with “I’ll let it go when you teach your daughter to cover her mouth when she coughs! It’s not that hard!” I understand that raising a child with Down syndrome is not easy. It’s very difficult, I know. I just feel that this is something every child should be taught. My aunt flipped out and my cousin started crying hysterically. My aunt told me I should be ashamed of myself and they stormed out. Almost my entire family is calling me an AH, saying I was being so rude and ignorant. My grandma even said it was fine if she coughs in the baby’s face because “babies can’t catch anything” which I KNOW is not true. I do feel bad for the way I worded it but this is an ongoing issue that my aunt refuses to help. AITAH? ***Relevant Comments:*** *A clarification:* "I did not say “I understand it’s hard raising a child with Down syndrome” in front of her. That was strictly for this post to clarify that I’m not saying it’s easy. Notice how that part is not in quotes." *You didn't need to yell. ESH- she's a product of bad raising and you could have corrected her differently:* "Believe me, I’ve tried several times with the gentle reminders and I’ve even tried correcting her myself. Her mom always tells me to stop every single time." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/178ciml/update_aitah_for_yelling_at_a_girl_with_down/)**: October 15, 2023 (10 days later)** Original post here: [https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/S7Tv9wIVle](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/S7Tv9wIVle) (I also posted that to [r/amitheasshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/) but it got taken down) So I have a relatively scary update and I also want to clarify some things. In the comment section of that version of the post I said how my aunt with the baby was very silent the entire encounter. While that was the case, she was also very much pressured into letting my cousin hold her baby. My grandma and other aunt (cousin’s mom, we’ll refer to her as that from now on) kept saying over and over to let her hold him. She was overall reluctant and quiet but they kept pushing pushing, my cousin’s mom even made a comment about her being ableist for not letting her hold him. She was submissive and caved in. I was also a good ten feet away when I yelled. I want to make it clear, I yelled out of fear for the baby. Something I did not mention in that post because it felt like too much to add and wasn’t necessarily relevant to the story was that my cousin has a hitting/punching problem. She is very sweet, but when she gets upset she will start hitting or even punching people. Her mom doesn’t stop it because she insists “she doesn’t know any better” and insists hitting will help her calm down. Well yesterday my aunt with the baby called me sobbing, telling me that my cousin and aunt came over to see the baby and was pushed into letting her hold him once again. My cousin got into a fit and started SLAPPING THE BABY IN THE FACE. HARD. My aunt rushes over and took the baby away. She reprimanded both cousin and her mom. My cousin started crying and cousin’s mom asked how dare she she yell at them and kept playing the “she doesn’t know any better” card. I believe she should be teaching her that it’s not okay to HIT A BABY. My aunt kicked them out and she told me she took the baby to either urgent care/ER (don’t remember which) no idea how that played out and I won’t pry. My cousin’s mom sent my aunt a message going on about how ableist she was and she knew the risk of hitting by letting her hold him. Except YOU PRESSURED HER INTO IT? That’s all I have so far and I’m in utter disbelief. And as for my grandma saying “babies can’t catch anything” she says that she was taught her whole childhood that babies are immune to everything. No idea what that’s about. This is all for now. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Her down syndrome is not an excuse to behave in that way:* "I get that it’s nowhere near easy to teach and it can get very exhausting but some things just cross the line. Thank you so much. I had people in the [r/Amitheasshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/Amitheasshole/) subreddit saying there is no scenario where someone yelling at a child with Down syndrome would not be the AH." *OOP clarifies about themselves:* "EXACTLY. Some were even saying I clearly don’t know what it’s like being disabled or having to take care of someone disabled but here’s the kicker: I’m disabled." "I’m also high functioning autistic" **Final** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17ccu70/final_update_aitah_for_yelling_at_a_girl_with/)**: October 20, 2023 (5 days later)** FINAL UPDATE. My aunt (the one with the baby) called me last night. After she took her baby boy to the ER after my cousin slapped him, apparently my grandma angrily yelled at her on the phone. She threatened her saying she better not report my cousin for slapping him or there will be “dire consequences.” My grandma also continued to pull the “she doesn’t know any better” card and insisted my aunt should just get used to the fact that my cousin hits people and it’s going to happen. My aunt was furious but kept silent. I don’t know what she ended up telling the ER happened but he sustained no serious injuries. After they got back home my cousin’s mom called her saying she never should’ve taken him to the ER in the first place because it wasn’t “that big of a deal” and that she was “being dramatic.” My aunt finally told me at the end of the phone call that she has decided to go NC with them and apologized to me as that would mean leaving me behind. I told her it would not, because I’ve decided if these people think that my cousin should get away with assaulting babies because she has Down syndrome and refuse to help her or try to correct her behavior, then they’re not worth being around. We’re both going NC now. Thank you guys for all of your comments and advice. I have a long journey ahead of me but I’m glad that my aunt, nephew and I all have each other now. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How's the baby?* "Yep he’s fine" "My aunt ran over as soon as my cousin lifted her hand so it could’ve been way worse" *Aunt needs to report this:* "I spoke to my aunt about reporting it at the advice of these comments but she’s really worried about it coming back to bite her. She’s worried that nothing will come of it as it’ll be very difficult to prove it was my cousin who hit the baby and she’s also worried the authorities might agree with her sister and grandma that my cousin “doesn’t know any better.”" "I’m not sure what she told them in the ER and I’m really not one to pry. I’ll definitely try to keep convincing her to report."

AITAH for yelling at a girl with Down syndrome and her mother for coughing?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17hf5ou/aitah_for_yelling_at_a_girl_with_down_syndrome/

17hf6gv

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ThrowRADangDan](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRADangDan/). He posted in r/AITAH and r/amiwrong. The latest update is from **7 days ago,** per the rules of this sub. **If you have seen this before,** it was likely on a different sub with different rules. **His account was suspended, so we most likely won't get another update.** **Trigger Warnings:** >!underage sex; non-consensual sex with a minor!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating and sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17bcu82/aita_for_ruining_my_daughters_life/?share_id=1i4gvyxE9txGdXQ3FeCUq&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)**: October 19, 2023** So I 44m have a daughter who just turned 17. I own a caravan, which is left on a plot of land on a holiday park. I have owned it for around 5 years and we visit multiple times a year. Last year when she was 15, she didn’t want to come down and go to the holiday park with the family, and I trusted her as a 15 year old to be okay by herself for the weekend. Well she was caught throwing a party at which the TV was smashed and the surround sound was broken due to someone spilling wine on it and the carpet was the end of that. Now whenever we come down to the caravan she has to come with us. At first she hated it, and it was a huge ordeal to get her to come along, with a lot of sulky teenage girl behaviour. Over time she warmed up to it though, and she seemed to really enjoy coming, even looking forward to it. Well last weekend, while we were down we were in a sports bar that we frequent on the resort, when a girl who works in the bar asked my daughter if she would be going to “M”s (that’s his initial) House this weekend. My daughter looked horrified when she said this and she just said “I don’t know”. She had just been outed. Well when we get home I ask who the hell the guy is and when exactly she has been seeing him. Turns out that for the last 10 months she has been sneaking out the caravan when everyone else is in bed and seeing a guy who lives down there. Needless to say she was in deep trouble. The next day we are in the sports bar again and I go up to order a drink and notice the name tag of a guy who’s serving me my pint. I strike up a conversation with him, and we make small talk. I ask him how old he is. He says TWENTY FOUR!!!. I am not yet certain if it’s the same person, or just a coincidence and don’t want to jump to conclusions, so I quickly finish my drink and take everyone back to the caravan for a family meeting. When we get in I confiscate my daughters phone, and this is in fact the guy she has been seeing. I go through their messages, and my worse fears are confirmed, they have been in a sexual relationship for months, beginning when she was 16. But what makes this story worse is my daughter has lied about her age. I see through their messages she has told the guy she is 20. I lose it at her and tell her how awful what she is doing is etc. My wife is strangely quiet and I ask why she isn’t saying anything. She admits that she knew my daughter had a crush on him, and had been encouraging her crush, by pointing out the guy checking her out. And she even knew they had been texting. However my daughter lied to my wife and told her he was 18. My wife claims that they had only spoken about the guy since this summer (when my daughter was 17). She also says she had no idea my daughter had been meeting the guy in secret, but this part I am currently unsure if I believe. Using her phone I ring the guy and explained the truth of the situation. To say he was horrified is an understatement. He apologised to me maybe 100x and has blocked my daughter. My daughter has lost her phone privileges, as I pay for it, and if she wants a knew one she will be getting it herself. I am also going to sell the caravan. She has so far refused to speak to me other then to say I ruined her life over and over. I say this all starts and ends with her being untrustworthy. She lied to me and my wife by throwing a party, then she lied to the guy about her age, then she again lied to my wife about the guys age, then she again lied to both of us by sneaking out every weekend. I told her I am ashamed and disgusted by her behaviour as I didn’t intend to raise a liar, and that she has pulled in and likely traumatised some innocent young man and could of even ruined his life by her own selfish lies. My wife thinks I’m being too hard on her, and that she’s a teenage girl doing teenage girl things, and is worried about this permanently damaging my relationship with her. I think no way. I am horrified by her behaviour. This is too much. AITA? **Just to clear a few things up, as a lot of people are making repeat comments.** 1. The punishment of forcing her along was only until the end of the summer last year, as we would be down there a lot then. At the end of the summer last year is when she developed the crush on the bartender, and decided to keep coming to oogle at him. We went down there again for the Christmas break and she asked for his number, and that’s when their relationship begun. I did allow her to drink wine with our dinners a few times during the Christmas break, so I wonder if that contributed to her image of being 20. 2. MY WIFE DID NOT KNOW HIS AGE. My wife noticed the two of them looking at each other and exchanging smiles a lot this summer, which is when she questioned my daughter about him. My daughter then confided in my wife that they had been texting this summer, and told her he was 18. My wife encouraged the relationship, and said she was happy my daughter had met a handsome young man, and was getting to experience a holiday romance. My wife also noticed a huge attitude improvement since they had been talking so she thought it was a good thing. My wife has been devastated upon finding out she had been encouraging the relationship, now she knows the truth of the matter. 3. I AM SURE THE GUY DID NOT KNOW HER AGE. TRUST ME THINGS WOULD OF GONE VERY DIFFERENTLY IF NOT. You are all free to make your assumptions all you want. But you forget I know my daughter and what she looks like, as well as reading their conversations. My daughter is 5’8, which is tall for her age and women in general. She has a passion for make up and does hair and beauty at college. It is not a stretch to believe she is actually 3 years older. Especially when you add the lies I MYSELF READ HER SEND TO HIM. Lying about being in university, lying about losing her ID when being invited to a club, lying about living alone at university. etc etc etc. The fact my daughter was begging me while crying not to tell him her real age is a dead giveaway. 4. We are NOT American. We are from the UK. No statutory rape occurred. The guy isn’t and wouldn’t be in any legal trouble if this came out. But it would likely ruin his life regardless. A 24 year old sleeping with a 16/17 year old is hugely not okay over here. It is generally understood that the low AoC here is so that teenagers can sleep with other teenagers. And even then a 19 and a 16 year old would still be frowned upon. A 24 year old would be seen as a predator, and ostracised for this. **Please do not slut shame my daughter. It is perfectly acceptable for a girl her age to have crushes, date, and have sex. Just with people her own age.** **Please do not make the mistake of thinking for a second you know the situation better than me, or have my daughters best interest at heart more then me. Thank you.** ***Relevant Commets:*** *How would he (the guy) not know if she said she was sneaking out to see him?* "They very much were having sex and drinking together. Like I said in my post this is likely very traumatising for him. & From what I understand she used to meet him at the bar after he finished work, which was usually around 1 or 2 am. He had no reason to suspect anything." *More on age of consent:* "AoC here is 16, so he didn’t do anything illegal. But it would still be life ruining if it got out, as people would look at him with utter disgust. Despite low AoC it is still socially enforced that the age gap is unacceptable. It is generally understood that the low AoC is for teenagers to be able to sleep with each other, and even then a 19 year old with a 16 year old would be looked at very warily." *You need to meet him and tell him:* "I did speak to him over the phone, and he was mortified and told me to tell her to not to try and contact him again, and that he would be blocking her number. I said don’t worry, she won’t even have a phone to contact him on. She has been on BC since she was 16 thankfully." *One more thought from OOP:* "The thing is I thought we were rebuilding our relationship after the party with these trips. There were weeks she near enough begged me to go. She was spending so much time with the family, and actually engaged. She seemed happy, bubbly, like the girl I thought I raised. She was practically glowing. Makes me feel sick to know the real reason now. I don’t even know what to say at this point." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17bs2fq/update_aita_for_ruining_my_daughters_life/)**: October 19, 2023 (13 hours later)** So I have today taken on a lot of feed back and decided to go back and talk to my wife. During the conversation my wife admitted that there was times she knew my daughter was going out and meeting him, and that she had made her download life360 to do so. She claims that she picked up on it toward the end of this summer, after catching my daughter trying to leave the caravan in the dead of night. I told her no wonder where our daughter gets her habit of lying from. Because of this revelation I have decided I will be giving my daughter back her phone. It is not fair to punish her for something she was actually given permission to do. Me and my wife had a big fall out, as I said that if she is going to go behind my back and make decisions unilaterally she at least owes it to my daughter and myself to do the due diligence to make sure that everything is above board and safe. My wife has been very apologetic but despite her pleading me not to go I have gone to stay in a hotel for a few days as I cannot even look at her right now. My wife claims that the reason she didn’t inform me is that my daughter begged her not to, as she was embarrassed about the idea of me knowing she is having sex. I’m not an idiot. I assumed my daughter had probably had sex, or at least experimented. Hell I was the one who suggested to my wife we look into BC for her at 16. I don’t care what she does as long as she’s safe and responsible. I spoke to my daughter and told her that even though I’m disappointed in her, I love her. She tells me she was in love. I say love is meaningless if it’s built on a lie, which is why I’m leaving for a few days. She seemed to understand this, at least I hope. We hugged, she cried some and then I left. I don’t know if I will update this again. I don’t know if there is much else to say. I’m just gonna relax and play some pool I think. I don’t have work until Monday so I will probably return some time Sunday. I feel like this whole thing is gonna give me an aneurism. ***Relevant Comments:*** *The funny thing is, if they had been honest, I lot of this wouldn't have happened:* "Literally. Had they been honest, I’d of been fine with her going out to meet a guy, had he been age appropriate. And like I said we frequent the bar and the bartender has always been polite and friendly to me. Had my wife bothered to tell me I’d of spoke to him sooner just to introduce myself properly and probably even invite him round which would of inevitably lead to the truth coming out a lot sooner and a lot of the mess would of been mitigated." *Therapy:* "I think some form of therapy is a must at this point. Certainly marriage counselling at the least. This seriously wasn’t okay, and was handled not only shadily but beyond irresponsibly by someone I thought I could trust my life with." *You were fooled by your daughter last year and didn't punish yourself, so why should you punish your wife? She obviously didn't know his age:* "The thing is, me and my wife coming together having a discussion, and agreeing to trust our daughters word together, whilst putting steps in place to ensure her safety is what happened in the party situation. Daughter had to call us every night at 10pm, and we had neighbours there to keep an eye on her. She was allowed 3 pre-determined friends round at any time she wanted. This was all agreed and as said, precautions were taken, beyond just trusting her word. She couldn’t keep her word then. This year this isn’t what happened. My wife unilaterally made a decision, without doing any due diligence, or setting any boundaries besides making her download an app. She allowed our daughter to leave the house in the dead of night, to meet a guy she never even bothered to talk to, despite meeting him multiple times, and then would just go to sleep. And it was an awful, unsafe decision which put both my daughter AND a young man at risk. And it isn’t about “demanding proof”. All she had to do was talk to the guy a single time, which is not an unreasonable expectation if you as a parent are going to let your freshly 17 year old daughter run around with him in the dead of night. As said the guy didn’t know anything was wrong, it’s not like he was hiding anything. The fact that it took me ***one singular 2 minute conversation*** to uncover the truth shows how little thought and effort my wife put into ensuring our daughters safety. If you cannot see the difference here, I don’t know what more to say to you. Though I do agree with your last paragraph. I don’t think for a second my wife knew his real age. She made an awful decision, but she is not an awful person. She just did something stupid, which we’ve all done before. But when you’re stupidity includes lying to your partner of 20 years and putting your child in danger, it isn’t as simple as “cut her some slack”" ***Relevant Comments from Am I Wrong:*** *Did mom express remorse:* "Truthfully as soon as my daughters lies came out she seemed extremely remorseful. She was crying herself to sleep saying she failed as a mother, and I spent most the week reassuring her she hadn’t. Now I see the real reason she took it so hard, which makes it sting even more. She thought she was enabling a cute teenage holiday romance, but actually she was letting my daughter run around with some clueless man in his mid 20’s. Some space from her for the meantime followed by some form of marriage counselling feels like the only way forward for me." *About giving the phone back/punishment:* "The confiscating her phone was more punishment for sneaking out then anything else. And it was only a practical move, as if she cannot contact people to meet her, she has no reason to sneak out. The lying is something that will likely be better off being addressed through therapy then punishment. Which if I’m being honest she probably needs to get to the bottom of what is causing her to act this way." "Lessons learnt are more important then punishments imo. It blew up in her face, she caused a huge rift between her parents who have always been very close, and got her heart broken. I’m not sure what good a punishment on top would do. She was already punished for the party. And the phone confiscation was to stop her sneaking out, but seeing as she wasn’t actually sneaking, it is pointless." **Marked as inconclusive because OOP's account has been suspended.** Again, if you have seen this post before, it was not on this sub. Please don't spam me telling me you've seen this before.

AITA for “ruining my daughters life”?

INCONCLUSIVE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17hf6gv/aita_for_ruining_my_daughters_life/

17hfmok

**I am not OOP. OOP is u/aitata8482828 in r/AITA** Trigger Warning: >!Child Abuse, Abject Cruelty!< Mood Spoiler: >!Frustrating, but great dad + hopeful for niece and family progress!< [Original: 10 Jul 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/tICbLJvzc7) My sister and bil were abusive parents to my niece, Charlotte. I always tried to protect her, but my wife and I were only able to get custody threw years ago. We adopted her, and she's a good kid at heart, but she still struggles a lot. She's still in therapy and has come so far, but finds it difficult to accept unconditional love and that kids don't have to be perfect. While she's usually fine with my wife and I, she still sometimes tends to see our daughter (Chloe) as ungrateful and spoilt. I've worked really hard on this, and it's a LOT better, but sometimes it comes up in their teenage squabbles. It's not perfect but the girls generally get along. Last Friday they had an issue. I was at work, so this is based on what I was told after. Chloe was refusing to do any of her chores, and arguing about it with my wife. Charlotte jumped in and basically called Chloe lazy and said that she should be a better daughter like her. Apparently my wife got pissed off and told her off. She 'reminded' her that she was 'lucky' we were taking care of her and to stay out of it. From there it got bad. My wife says that Charlotte was extremely rude about Chloe. But she also admits she told Charlotte that we 'didnt have to' take care of her, and that basically unlike Chloe, we can send her back to her parents if she keeps it up. Ignoring the fact we legally cannot, that's just completely fucked up. They ended their fight with Charlotte just going to my parents for that night, and she's been really upset and withdrawn since. When I got home my wife filled me in, and I was honestly pretty furious. The first thing that came to mind was 'what the fuck is wrong with you?'. Which admittedly wasn't a productive response but I was honestly just floored. The issue is that Charlotte doesn't get that a kid deserves unconditional love even if they're not perfect, so you fucking tell her that you'll kick her out if she doesn't behave? All the progress I worked with her for is gonna be shut back again. I was mad and we fought about it. I get she can be difficult, but that was inappropriate. However she's still refused to apologise or anything. I've tried to talk to her and explain that we love her, and that it wasn't meant the way it was said. But my wife is just accusing me of babying and favouring Charlotte. Apparently I'm being unreasonable thinking what she did was disgusting. That I should care more about Chloe, as if this is a competition. I am still honestly pretty pissed at her. While she just claims I'm unreasonable and being a shit dad to Chloe. ------------------- ----------------- [Update : 19 Oct 2023](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17blq94/update_aita_pissed_at_what_my_wife_said_to_my/) First I want to thank everyone for their responses. It was helpful, even some I disagreed with. While things aren't perfect, they're both good kids and my wife is making amends for what she did. Since then my wife and I have been in therapy. She's apologised and tried fix it with Charlotte, but she lost a lot of trust with what she said. Even now it's not back to what it was. The therapy is helping, and she realised just how wrong it was. Charlotte has mostly gone back to normal around me, though a bit clingier. I've made it clear I'll always love and be there for her. And I've been making it clear it's unconditional, and she doesn't have to be perfect or 'deserve' it. She's obviously still in therapy and getting help. The girls have had some stupid fights since, but nothing like last time. Charlotte initially distanced herself, but Chloe got her back to normal quicker than my wife and I. She was really there for Charlotte. When she wants to be, she can be really thoughtful. Chloe is doing fine. I made sure to talk to her and she doesn't have an issue with Charlotte. As usual she basically said Charlotte can be annoying but she loves her, a normal sister. It's not perfect, but improving. I think my wife's actions were a mistake, but they were from the situation rather than about Charlotte herself. All the little issues built up and she exploded. She didn't realise how much it grew to bother her. She's made it clear she knows Charlotte is our daughter now and that it was a horrible mistake. We are working to fix it. If she really can't handle it I will have to leave for Charlotte's sake, but I think our progress is promising so far. Now I want to clarify some things: Charlotte did have issues with women. However this wasn't her being rude per se. The issue was that she was terrified. She would basically be silent and overly obedient, but clearly scared and unwilling to open up. With me she let her guard down quicker to let me love and help her. For my wife it took months for more than one word answers and almost two year to stop the fear. Back talking and interjections were a problem, but because she was comfortable with my wife, not the opposite. I was heavily involved in raising the girls. I didn't leave it to my wife. I just happened to be working late that day, other days it's my wife working and me with the girls. Further, there are consequences for misbehaving. We just had a bigger issue that night. Overall, thank you for the advice. I hope things keep getting better, even if it's slow. **Reminder this is a repost sub. I am not the OOP**

AITA being pissed at what my wife said to our niece

CONCLUDED

empathosynchrony

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17hfmok/aita_being_pissed_at_what_my_wife_said_to_our/

17ht4k3

**I am not OOP.** OOP was u/JackTheServiceDog, posting in r/service_dogs. Fun fact for spoilers: Most people know about service dogs, but did you know there are also service ponies? Miniature horses live longer, don't trigger allergies as often as dogs, and can provide more stable support to those with physical disabilities. Places that allow dogs must allow horses, barring physical factors like weight allowances. Triggers: >!Ableism; description of Tourette's tics, including some which inflict self-harm!< Mood spoiler: >!Frustrating!< ▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼ # I’m going to California for a week and my family won’t let me bring my Service Dog! (Rant) [*September 24, 2020*](https://www.reddit.com/r/service_dogs/comments/iz0ny9/im_going_to_california_for_a_week_and_my_family/) So what’s happening is that me, my dad, and my sister are driving down to California LA (2 Day Road Trip) and stay in LA for 5 days then my cousin will come back to Washington Seattle with us for 2 weeks and then will drive her back down. The problem is my aunt doesn’t want my Service Dog to come and since she is like no all my other family except my sister is also like no. Her reasons are my uncle is allergic (He’s allergic to dog spit and has stayed with my service dog and are other dog for 2 weeks before. His allergies are very mild) and they have a cat. I get the cat cause we don’t how she will react but she is always in one room cause she’s super old. Also I have a cat and my Service Dog knows to leave them alone and gives cats space to walk by him. I think my aunt just doesn’t want my Service Dog there causes he’s a dog. I have Tourette’s and I have bad episodes 3 times a week and they can last for hours if my Service Dog isn’t there and my aunt knows this. I went to a horse camp this summer for 5 days to see how I would do without my Service Dog and it wasn’t good. I still had fun and could ride the horses fine and my horse was fine with me but my Tourette’s was really making it hard to do stuff. I really want to go to California cause I haven’t got the chance sense COVID-19 and this is my only chance to see all my family from California. I know I should talk to my aunt about it but she’s my favorite aunt and I don’t want to get into an argument and possibly effect are relationship. Any advice? PS I will still go without Jack if he’s not coming and will show her my tics without him cause she’s never seen me without him and she will then KNOW why I have a Service Dog. Edit: I just want to thank all of you for you suggestions. They were all so helpful! Have a great day! &#x200B; ▲▼▲▼ # I’m going to California and my family won’t let me bring my Service Dog! (Rant/Update) [*September 27, 2020*](https://www.reddit.com/r/service_dogs/comments/j0xx2x/im_going_to_california_and_my_family_wont_let_me/) *(3 days later)* So this is an update for my last post. So I talked or tried to talk to my aunt about seeing if we could find a way to work the dog in but she refused. I wanted to get my reasons out why I need him and my ideas on the plan with him but she just said, “No, end of discussion.” Her reason was I just don’t want a dog in the house and the dog fur. They are clean people so it made sense, I just wish she let me explain myself. After the meeting my dad said, “Maybe you don’t even need Jack. Maybe he is just a placebo effect for you.” This pissed me off, he is claiming that my Tourette’s are only better around him because he is there, not because of the tasks he does for me everyday like DPT. My mom also said you would be fine cause you don’t tic all the time, she said “I’ve seen you not tic for a whole month once.” My mom leaves in the morning early and comes back late for work and is very busy on the weekends so she doesn’t see me tic all the time. She thinks my Tourette’s sent actually that bad. I tic everyday and have bad episode 2 to 3 times a week. I’m just baffled by the lack of support my parents are giving me. They don’t think my Tourette’s is bad, my mom and dad both work so they don’t see me much, my Tourette’s has gotten worse around the beginning of quarantine so that’s when I started training my Service Dog who is now a full Service Dog. I hope they will realize how bad my Tourette’s has gotten after I take this trip with all of them. &#x200B; ▲▼▲▼ # I’m going to California and my Family won’t let me bring my Service Dog! Part 3. (Rant) [*October 14, 2020*](https://www.reddit.com/r/service_dogs/comments/jb4maj/im_going_to_california_and_my_family_wont_let_me/) *(20 days later)* Sorry it took so long for me to post the trip was kinda long and I wanted to write this after the whole trip was over.. So what happened first was the road trip down, we did it in one day surprisingly it’s a 17 hour trip from Seattle to LA. When I did have Tourette’s episodes the stress toys and music I brought helped me do something else with my tics instead of pinching or hitting myself. When I got there I was fine and went to bed. The next day we were going to the beach so we got ready and drove to the beach and also got to say hi to me grandmas. (Yes, my grandmas are gay) When we were having lunch I felt a bad episode starting to happen and I started panicking and hyperventilating. My dad went to the car to get my stress toys but they really couldn’t do much now and I did use them to try and calm down but they weren’t working. I started crying and so I had to go to my grandmas house and missed out on going to play at the beach after lunch and go to the fun mall afterwards and getting ice cream. At my grandmas house I needed a quiet place to chill so I stayed in there cats room cause it’s dark and quiet. There cat is sweet and he let me pet him. My Tourette’s episodes can make me panic and be nervous of everyone so I barely got to hang out with my grandmas. The panic calmed down after 4 hours so I was just ticking so for the last 10 mins I got to talk to them then we had to go cause it was a school night. I did fine the next day just normal tics and the occasional hitting and scratching myself. The next day after that I had a Tourette’s attack and was banging my head in the floor and I scratched this 2 inch long and kinda deep scratch in my arm. I kept hitting myself and my sister decided to hold me down and she knows you can’t do that cause it makes me scared and I panic. She just wanted to help me which I get but she was not doing it right. I bit her on accident but not bad. She finally got off me cause my aunt told her to. I felt bad for my aunt cause she didn’t know what to do. My dad came and kept trying to sit on my to do DPT. Again, when I’m having a Tourette’s episode and especially a attack I don’t like people touching me that much. It passed after another hour and I missed all my classes that day cause I was in a lot of pain after and was crying. Th other next 3 days were normal Tourette’s again and more scratching myself, being loud and distracting to everyone cause we’re all in the same house doing school and work, and hitting myself on stuff or just hitting myself. Then after the 3 days I didn’t have an attack but I had an episode and I couldn’t stop scratching and I just scratched a huge scratch on the top of my hand it’s around 2 inch by 2 inch. The next day we went to a place for dinner and I was having tics at the place but I was still having a good time. It was a little loud but that wasn’t really bothering me to much. After dinner though when we all went to use the bathroom when I came out everyone was gone and I started panicking and wandering around the restaurant and on the verge of tears until my cousin found me and led me back to everyone. This is the part where I got pissed. So while waiting for the valet to drop of our car my uncle and aunt asked my dad if he thinks the trip went well for my tics and if it would have been better for me with Jack there. They never asked for my opinion, and instead of my dad asking me what I thought cause he obviously doesn’t know what I feel he said, “It was fine, Jack (my SD) is just a placebo affect for her so he would have been able to do much.” I was PISSED. My dad said Jack is really just a placebo affect for me before the trip also and I explained how he’s not and so did my mom yet he still said this. I jumped in to the conversation and explained what I thought and lectured my dad and explained to my uncle and aunt about how Jack isn’t a placebo and how his task help me and how my tics have affected me this trip. My aunt and uncle understood but my dad was just smiling while I was lecturing him and was just saying “Ok ok ok.”. Let me tell you my SD’s tasks: 1. He alerts me before I have Tourette’s episodes cause usually before they happens I scratch, tap my foot/shake my leg, and sometimes breath heavily. 2. He does DPT on my legs when I need to calm down so my tics arnt as crazy depending on my situation. And doing DPT on my chest when I’m having a Tourette’s attack cause I’m hyperventilating and there’s this weird pressures in my chest that he helps relieve and calm me down, and it’s harder to hyperventilate with a dog in your chest. 3. He stops me from scratching and hitting myself by distracting me or diverting my tics to hang on to his fur and tap on his back. Sometimes I do accidentally hit him when he’s doing DPT or distracting me but it doesn’t hurt him he’s a very sturdy dog and he knows I can’t help it. When we were driving back to Seattle I explain to my dad more stuff about Jack and my tics. The ride up was fine with the normal tics and stuff. When we finally got home at 11 at night my mom was waiting outside with Jack and our other dog Jill his sister and It was a very happy reunion. In my opinion, Jack should have come. I gave my self two of the biggest scratches I have ever giving myself and I scar very easily and I hate having scars. I already have a few to many on my hands and arms. If my tics continue to be this bad like they have for the past 2 years and people don’t let me bring Jack then I might just not go on the trips because I hate being and pain and bruising and scratching myself and leaving scars. Sure I did have a lot of fun with my family still but the cons are outweighing the pros. Anyways, this is the last part of my rant. I hope you have an amazing day! Bye! &#x200B; ▲▼▲▼▲▼▲▼

I’m going to California for a week and my family won’t let me bring my Service Dog! (+ Updates)

CONCLUDED

TheComment

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ht4k3/im_going_to_california_for_a_week_and_my_family/

17i5je5

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/SnarkyMonster which is now deleted. **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice retrieved by rareddit **My (32F) cousin (34F) is marrying a cheater (35M) and I can't stop her.** Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity, backstabbing!< Mood Spoilers: >!glorious, cathartic, juicy revenge!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17a8otk/my_32f_cousin_34f_is_marrying_a_cheater_35m_and_i/) - **October 17, 2023** All the names are changed for privacy. My (32 F) cousin (34 F), Victoria, is a doctor and engaged to another doctor, Victor (35 M). Victor and Victoria have been engaged for 2 years now and are finally getting married. The wedding is planned for this Saturday, religious, civil, and reception. They have a friend in common, another doctor, Emily (34 F), who is going to be a bridesmaid. You can guess where I am going. This past Friday, Victoria had her bachelorette and we left the city to have a spa day and then returned to the city to go party to this fancy club, but we never made it to the club. We returned from the spa town to Emily’s home before getting changed to go party. At some point, Victoria announced she was feeling sick and locked herself in the bathroom. My first thought, obviously, was that something she ate didn’t sit well with her. Roughly an hour later, I managed to coax her out, and she asked me to take her home. I’m meant to be Maid of Honor, so taking care of her falls to me. I called Uber and took her to my place. There she told me everything. When we were dressing, she was in the kitchen, and she saw a notification from her fiance in Emily’s phone. She’d left it to charge there. At first, she thought it was a surprise planned for her, but then another message came in with a more “romantic” tone. And another, and another. That’s when she got sick and ran to the bathroom. I stayed with her through Friday evening and most of Saturday. Saturday evening, I dropped her at her place after she made me promise I wouldn’t say a word to anyone. I agreed because I thought she wanted to end things in her own terms. Sunday and Monday were silent, and everything seemed to be moving forward. Today, Tuesday, was out make up trial, just the two of us, and she told me what happened with Victor. Victoria told him nothing and waited for him to fall asleep. Unblocked his phone and checked it in the bathroom. She found the conversation with Emily’s messages and began to read back to the top. They’ve been together for 6 months, and she’s pregnant, she’s urging Victor not to marry Victoria and marry her instead. Victoria took a bunch of screenshots but only showed me the one where Emily told Victor she was pregnant and a few of the ones where she begs him not to marry my cousin. I begged her again to cancel everything and tell our family why, but she insisted there’s going to be a wedding and that I should trust her. I’m scared for her. How do I stop her? TLDR: My cousin is meant to be getting married this Saturday to a man who cheats on her with one of her bridesmaids who is also having his kid. She knows she is going ahead, I don’t know how to stop her. UPDATE!!! Victoria convinced her dad and two other cousins to go with Victor, his dad, and groomsmen to go camping on Thursday and Friday as a "men's things," She also asked me to visit her on Friday with a friend who is a vet. He has a horse trailer (for one horse only) ,so she asked us to bring that, too, if it's clean and unoccupied. Victor and Victoria moved together when they became engaged. So she's moving out her things. She also said, "Those two are ending happy together over my dead body." The wedding plans are moving as usual. The plan is to take out her things on Friday, and on Saturday morning, the bride's side gets ready at the apartment. Victor returns to his parents' house Friday evening and gets ready there on Saturday. Those who were guessing revenge were right. Now, I'll probably make a post on Sunday to tell you the rest of it. Until then, I'll try to answer comments as best as I can. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17dibvy/update__my_32f_cousin_34f_is_marrying_a_cheater/) - **October 21, 2023** I know many of you fellow redditors have been following the story. Thank you for all your support. My uncle, dad and a bunch of cousins took Victor, his dad, and groomsmen to a town a couple of hours away next to this camping park. This was Thursday afternoon, and after they left I went to pick up Victoria and she spend the night at my place. Next morning, my friend (Let’s call him Jack) came by with his horse trailer and a bunch of boxes. We spent the day packing and cleaning every trace of Victoria of the apartment. The rental contract is in Victor’s name, so my cousin won’t be affected by leaving. We loaded everything on Jack’s trailer, which wasn’t much, because the furniture belonged to Victor, but it was all her books, clothing, toiletries, shoes… we left only the wedding things behind. He was going to be waiting for us at the back of the venue, because Victoria didn’t want to stay after she was done with Victor. I also caught Jack loosening a few light bulbs at random just to mess with Victor. He hates cheaters. Victoria’s things are currently sitting in Jack’s office, and Victoria again came to sleep at my place. For this, Victoria had asked me to buy and wrap for present a pair of baby shoes, which I was to keep until the reception. Saturday morning shows up and we left early for the apartment to get ready. The makeup artist and stylists arrive, my aunt arrives, and the bridesmaids arrive. Including Emily. We (MoH and bridesmaids) finished before the bride and I send them downstairs to the building lobby so we can surprise them with the finished look of Victoria. After she was ready, we went downstairs, and when the elevator doors opened, my eyes went straight to Emily. The other girls were all celebrating and clapping and hugging Victoria. It was just seconds, but I saw her face fell and her eyes get shiny before she composed herself and hugged everyone pretending to be happy. We all took a picture in the garden across the street from the building and then headed out to the church. We meet the rest of the wedding party there, we do the groom’s first look, the pictures, and all that Jazz. Victoria sent everyone inside to take places and asks me and Emily to come with her to this little chapel outside to “fix” something in Emily’s dress. That’s when Victoria dropped the bomb on Emily. This I am quoting and translating from the video I took, which I ABSOLUTELY WONT SHARE. Victoria: “I’m glad you’re here, and I brought you here, Emily, to tell you that I know all about this affairs of yours with my fiance. I know you’re pregnant and its Victor’s. I’ve known since Friday evening” Emily: “What are you going to do? Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you do anything?” Victoria “Because I want us to reach this point. When you see me as a bride about to marry the man you say is the love of your life. To make sure you know and understand that no even pregnant with his baby, he’s going to choose you over me. That he wants you for some fun, and he wants me for his life.” After that Emily said she was sorry and ran crying out of the chapel and the church. She was pale and very upset and I have no idea where she is and I don’t care much. Victoria almost broke down too, but I left her to calm down and went to tell the rest of the bridal party that she needed a moment. that Emily felt ill and left, and Victoria got nervous because of it. I went back in with Victoria, helped fix what little of makeup and hair were out of place. We went back to the party and the wedding went on. As planned, religious wedding first, then civil wedding, and then to the reception. I noticed Victor counting the bridesmaids a couple of times, but I said nothing. We arrive at the venue, everyone sits, the bride and groom presented o everyone, there’s clapping, meal starts and after the end of the meal, when toasts are meant to come, Victoria drops bomb number 2. She stands up and asks me for the little gift box. Again, I’m quoting and translating. Victoria: “Thank you all for being here with Victor and I, for coming to celebrate out wedding, our families and friends. As some of you noticed, one of my bridesmaids, Emily, is not here right now” At the mention of Emily, Victor’ smile fell off. Victoria: “But I don’t want her absence to ruin the party. I prepared a little surprise for my husband, Victor.” Then she hands him the little box. He was trembling as he opened it and took out the little baby shoes. I could see faces start to lit up, thinking Victoria was pregnant. Victor was pale as drywall. Victoria: “And I want to congratulate him, because even when I won’t become a mom, he will become a dad. Of Emily’s baby” The silence afterwards was absolutely terrifying. But we didn’t stay to see the aftermath of everyone understanding what had just happened. We left through the kitchen and got into Jack’s car (without the trailer now) and left. Victoria sent the screenshots to the family groups (ours and Victor’s, the wedding planning group, and their work group from the hospital. We’re in another city in the next state. We sent a message to our families that we’re fine and turned off the phones. I’m only taking this little time to do the much promised update. We’ll see what tomorrow and next week have to bring. Bye bye. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

My (32F) cousin (34F) is marrying a cheater (35M) and I can't stop her.

INCONCLUSIVE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17i5je5/my_32f_cousin_34f_is_marrying_a_cheater_35m_and_i/

17i5jvk

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwra_Level-Exam **My (36F) daughter's (18F) friend (18F) stole a $4900 watch from my husband (56M) and we don't know how to tell her parents** **Originally posted to r/relationship_advice** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/XSK5aq90Ac) **Oct 16, 2023** Our daughter (18F) has been friends with this girl (18F) for about eight or nine months and in the last few months she has started inviting her to our house more often because they are classmates and sometimes they have projects to do together. Well, last week she came to our house and my husband (56M) was helping them with a project, since they are studying the same thing he studied, and at one point my youngest daughter came home with her friends so my eldest daughter and her friend went to my husband's office. And according to him, he had taken off his watch and left it on his desk, and our daughter saw it, so he was right. But when her friend left, the watch was gone, and after searching for it throughout the house I (36F) decided to check the security cameras, and she took it when she was left alone in the office for less than five seconds. To my surprise, my daughter wasn't surprised because according to her, this is the third time that valuable things have disappeared from our house, the first two times she stole a pair of gold earrings and a gold necklace from my daughter, and she thought she lost them because honestly she loses her things all the time, but my daughter is sure that her necklace and earrings were in her jewelry box and that her friend took them. And now my husband and I don't know if we should tell her parents since she has stolen a significant sum of money from our house and the last thing we want is to get the police involved, we just want to get our stuff back and help her get help because she clearly has a problem. How can you talk to parents about this without them feeling offended? In total she stole almost $6,000 from our house and that's not right, but she's young and we want to give her another chance, that's why we're not going to involve the police, and that's why we also want to talk to her parents, what would be the correct way to face this situation? edit: Just to clarify, they are in college, and the decision not to involve the police has to do with that, we don't want to affect her academically. And I say that we want to talk to her parents because she still lives with them and they are the ones who pay everything for her. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/1HArdNuqJi)  **Oct 21, 2023** My (36F) husband (56M) and I decided to talk to her (18F) parents (40s) because she lives with them and we thought telling them was the best thing. Well, according to them, they suspected that she was doing something wrong because she was "receiving" more and more gifts from my daughter every day, because that's what she said they were. We told them that our daughter only gave her a bracelet that was a birthday gift but that the rest of the things were never "gifted", and fortunately they weren't offended and even promised to check her room to see if they could find our things. When they checked her room and her electronics they found even more things than we thought. She has been stealing things from our house for months to sell them online on a second-hand clothing sales app. At home we live with four teenagers (18 16 14 12) who are constantly exchanging clothes, shoes and jewelry and often have arguments because one of them takes something from the other without permission, so when she stole several of my daughters' clothes they never suspected it was her. She sold all the clothes she stole from them and only had my daughter's earrings and necklace, a ring from my youngest daughter (8) and my husband's watch in her house. According to her, she did that because she wanted to help her father with some debts that he has because she didn't want to have to sacrifice college to reduce expenses. She works as a nanny and sometimes that money wasn't enough to help her family and she noticed that since my daughter "wasn't affected" by losing jewelry, so she thought about taking them because she needed them more. Her parents confirmed that they have a debt but they would never have thought she would do something like this to help. They apologized and promised to return every penny of the things that were already sold but my husband told them that it was not necessary, that her giving us back the jewelry and the watch was enough. She gave us everything back and also apologized, and we told her that this time we were not going to involve the police but that not everyone would do the same if they caught her stealing again. We also made it clear to her that she's no longer welcome in our home and that my daughter will finish the project for both of them because we don't want her to be involved with her either. And that was it and we haven't heard from her since. A lot of people said we were idiots for not getting the police involved and the truth is we might be, but we weren't going to ruin an entire family's life over a watch and some earrings. I also read comments saying that my daughter knew that she stole but that is not the case. She loses things all the time or sometimes her sisters take her things without permission so she never suspected that her friend was the one stealing from her, that's why she kept inviting her over. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (36F) daughter's (18F) friend (18F) stole a $4900 watch from my husband (56M) and we don't know how to tell her parents

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17i5jvk/my_36f_daughters_18f_friend_18f_stole_a_4900/

17i5kb9

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/NoTarget4506 **Originally posted to** r/amiwrong **Divorcing My Husband Without Trying To Make It Work?** Trigger Warnings: >!Racism, stereotyping, accusations of infidelity!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/177yi9l/divorcing_my_husband_without_trying_to_make_it/) - **October 14, 2023** My STBHX Eric (40M) and I (38F) were high school sweethearts, and we grew up in a small town where the majority of the population was white. Eric is white and while I am not a typical-looking white woman, I have enough features that I could be considered white-passing (I recently discovered I am mixed race, important later). Eric and I got married after I graduated high school. I became pregnant when I was 26 and had fraternal twins (now 12) EJ (M) and Natalie (F). As the twins got older, EJ started to look like Eric (blonde hair albeit curly and fair skin), and Natalie started to look like me (dark wavy hair), but her skin would get darker like she had a permanent tan. Eric and I were confused by this because no one in our families had a skin complexion like this. Eric became a cop after college. When the kids were 7, Eric got a chance for a promotion which moved us to the city. I started to notice that Eric would make prejudicial comments against certain communities of people that I would shrug off because they were not overtly offensive. One of Eric’s co-workers noticed a picture of EJ and Natalie and asked if Natalie was adopted as she had African-American features and suggested that I might have had an affair after conceiving with Eric as it was possible that twins could be fathered by two different men. This planted a seed of doubt. By the time the twins were 11, Eric couldn’t hold his doubt anymore and demanded a paternity test. He explained his doubt so I obliged. The test came back as Eric being Natalie’s father but he would act distant towards Natalie. One day, I was using Eric’s phone because mine died to look for a recipe for dinner and came across a support forum where Eric was convinced I slept with a black man, was making awful comments about black people, and that I somehow altered the DNA test results. I was furious and confronted Eric. He said there was no way Natalie could be his and demanded another DNA test. I agreed to prove him wrong and once the test came back, we contacted my parents because I was genuinely confused about where Natalie’s features came from because my parents were white. After dancing around the topic, my mom confessed that my dad was not my real dad, and my real dad was bi-racial. After looking at an old picture, my dad looked white at first glance but the longer you looked at him, the more you could see his African-American side; I happened to not inherit those genes. This seemed to appease Eric, but I could not forget the comments Eric made about black people and told him I wanted a divorce. He apologized and said he couldn’t understand at the time, but I told him it was disgusting that that was what he thought about that community and I refused to raise my children in an environment that fostered and normalized negative thoughts about any community. Eric and my parents tried to get me to rethink my decision and to go to counseling. I agreed to go to counseling, but I am not changing my mind about divorcing him. EDIT: to clear up confusion &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/179lo4h/update_divorcing_my_husband_without_trying_to/) - **October 16, 2023** Wow. I did not expect to get so many responses. I tried to read all of them but couldn’t keep up. For the ones I did read, thank you for the thoughtful words and I do have an update, but I wanted to clear some things up first. - I’m not sure what you guys mean my mom “lied” to me. While she never outright told me someone else was my biological dad, I never questioned it so it never came up. She told me she would tell me the truth if I ever asked. And everyone (my grandparents and dad) knew and agreed to tell me the truth if I asked. - Not all prejudice is negative, guys. The prejudicial comments my husband made was saying a kid would be great on track after seeing them run and they happened to be black or that a kid would be a good businessman one day and they were Middle Eastern; it didn’t mean anything to me at the time due to my cultural ignorance. With that, my husband gave me no indication he had certain feelings against other communities so stop with the “yOu WeRe OkAy WiTh HiM bEiNg RaCiSt UnTiL iT wAs YoU,” ugh. - When I said he was distant with Natalie, he didn’t treat her like dirt. He felt disconnected because he had doubts she was his and wasn’t as affectionate. Otherwise, they still interacted. My husband found out about the reddit post and was mortified because he didn’t realize how his behavior made him look. He also says he appreciates the comments that cut him some slack. Anyways, he booked a session with a counselor at his job (found out that cops have onsite therapists) for us to go to. We got straight into the issue. The counselor asked why the comments bothered me so much and I told her that I’ve seen so many innocent people suffer from hatred for something they didn’t do and how it makes people act way out of character. The degrading and harmful things people would do and say to others based on a characteristic they can’t control and treat them like they were less than human. My husband asked if he thinks he hates me and the kids. I told him idk. When it was his turn, he confessed to having an inferiority complex to black men. About how he thought black people were more physically attractive and gifted and that the girls would have crushes on the black boys. How it hurt that none of the girls would look at them (the white boys). So the boys looked for compensating factors that would make them more desirable: having money, getting careers, not being involved in illegal activity, etc., and it turned into this ugly thing of why like him when I have this. I was floored. I asked him if he was like this when we met, and he said yes but that I never triggered his insecurities because I didn’t pay attention to them or talk to them, but it was always in the back of his head. He was worried I would leave him for them, so he started working out, playing sports, and buying cologne to “keep up with them”. The counselor asked about the comments, and he said that he was looking for validation of his feelings as far as being good enough. When he considered the thought of me cheating, he couldn’t understand how I could choose a menace to society over him that has provided for his family and given us a home. I was numb because I didn’t think he felt this way. I told Eric that I want him to write a detailed, heartfelt apology letter to the community he offended. He is not to tell me what it says or show me but to write it and then post it anonymously. If strangers can forgive him and push him forward to help be better, then I can too. After getting home, Eric wrote the letter then posted it after proofreading it again and again. He’s currently waiting for the comments and in all honesty, it was enough to make me re-think divorcing him. He’s not off Scott-free but I really appreciate his effort. If anything significant happens, I’ll update again. EDIT: Forgot to include this but I have not forgotten the comments and while he gave some explanation, we will talk more in-depth about it after this. I did not just magically forget the things he said. The session made me realize he at least has some remorse so we're starting there. 2ND EDIT: Smh. The messages are already flowing in. To the people who are saying I'm excusing his behavior, I am not. For the threats, grow up. I do apologize if this will trigger something in people as I did not mean for that. Eric's behavior is inexcusable and there is much work to be done for him. **Relevant Comments** ***stolenfires:** He owes you an apology, too; as heartfelt and sincere as whatever he's posting anonymously.* *He thought you were of poor moral character that you were capable of cheating on him, and then passing off another man's child as his. That you were capable of deception enough to somehow alter DNA test results to continue the lie. Someone who could do that is a terrible person, and he thought you were capable of that.* >**OP:** He has apologized profusely to me. I didn't accept it at first because I thought it was BS but after our counseling session, I decided to give him some grace and allow him the opportunity to show he means it. > >I do want him to address his biases because while they may have started off as insecurities according to him, they have taken a life of their own from his job. &nbsp; [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/17d9e1o/final_update_divorcing_my_husband_without_trying/) - **October 21, 2023** This will be the final update because I am done. I didn’t read a lot of the comments because a lot of them were terrible but, the good news is, you guys were right, and I was a dumbass for believing my husband. I am relieved at the fact racism isn’t tolerated or accepted by the majority despite you thinking I am. After my husband wrote this apology letter, he received support from people telling him that they were proud he was able to admit his racism and that he was willing to change. I was willing to work through this seeing that other people could forgive him and blah, blah, blah. A day or two later, I was using our iPad and received a notification for a text from “Mom.” I looked at it and didn’t recognize the conversation until I realized it wasn’t MY mom, it was my MIL. I’m assuming my husband forgot to sign out of his Apple ID so it was linked to his account. I read the text that MIL was disappointed that I and my kids happen to be of African American descent and that she didn’t expect this for her family but that we were tricked and we are one of the “good ones.” My husband said he couldn’t believe it either but it’s not my fault my whore mother lied about laying with one of them and that he was going to make sure our kids don’t become one of the bad ones always on the news. My husband still kept his attitudes that I previously posted per other texts with his mother. I realized there was was no hope for him to change so I am leaving my husband now. I keep in contact with one of the wives of my husband’s ex-co-worker who moved some cities away and explained to her everything. They will allow me to stay with them until I can find someplace for me and my kids since they have the room. I do have a job so I do not rely on my husband my income. Sorry for disappointing everyone when my husband gave me that bs story and crocodile tears. In hindsight, even then I should not have, I just wanted to believe there was hope my husband wasn’t racist but we live and learn. I will not give an update after this because I am exhausted and am only thinking about my kids. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

Divorcing My Husband Without Trying To Make It Work?

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