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17i5kj9

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Exact_Cherry3129 **My husband had a relationship with a man and never told me** **Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Outing sexual orientation without consent!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/511vZvU1hP)  **Oct 18, 2023** I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or to just vent. My husband is 31 and I’m 29. We’ve been together almost 4 years, married 2 years. We didn’t know each other prior to 4 years ago, aka we didn’t grow up together, go to school together, or anything like that. We live in a somewhat large city. By coincidence, I now work with a woman who went to college with my husband. They were friends but didn’t really keep in touch after they graduated. I worked with her for about 2 months before we realized that she used to know my husband. Now we’ve worked together for slightly less than a year. Last week we were talking about birthdays and Halloween plans and how as adults we rarely go out and do anything for these occasions, but when we were younger we always had multiple parties to go. We were sharing some funny party stories and she mentioned something about my husband. He was friends with all of the gay people, but had this other more conservative preppy group that he was part of and none of them would hang out with the gay group. He’s sort of just the type who is friends with everyone. She mentioned “He was one of the most sexually confused men I’ve ever met! I sort of always knew he’d ultimately end up with a woman, but our hearts were when we found out he was dating that guy.” I just laughed along like I knew exactly what she was talking about, but in reality I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. Now yes I know he does have several gay friends now, but so what? He never mentioned dating men before, at all. First, I want to say that I feel bad that this even bothers me. It shouldn’t bother me. Who cares if he’s dated men, women, non-binary people. I was sort of surprised just how much I did suddenly care. But more than anything, I was mad that he didn’t tell me. Why would he not ever mention anything about it? I don’t know why he’d feel the need to hide it from me. I keep wanting to bring it up to him, but it just feels awkward. Obviously he doesn’t want me to know for some reason. I don’t want to embarrass him or make him feel uncomfortable that my co-worker shared this with me. I wonder if he’s been nervous this whole time that she might reveal this, but I mean why would this typically even come up? She and I don’t even work in the same department so we probably only talk a few times a week when working on collaborative projects. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **ON THE COWORKER WHO MADE THE STATEMENT** >She made this statement around other people. So now multiple people know. I’m not embarrassed by this, the clarify. If he didn’t want me to know about it, he likely doesn’t want the whole team of people I supervise to know about it, but now they do. >I don’t know her well. We don’t associate outside of work. We don’t even work in the same department, but due to the nature of our roles and the departments we’re in, I probably work directly with her a few times a week. >She knew him well enough to recognize a picture of him right away and remembered his name. I don’t really even remember the names of everyone I hung out with in college and haven’t kept in touch with, only people who I was actually friends with. **~** >I really don’t think she was trying to gossip. If what she says is true, it doesn’t seem like he was hiding who he was dating back then. I think she assumed it was something I was well aware of. The “we” she was referring to was a group of girls he went to college with. There was obviously more to the conversation she had with me. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/lSGGcBzHRo)  **Oct 21, 2023** Adding this info for clarity: We are MARRIED, not dating. He’s my husband. We’ve been together for 4 years, married 2. He’s 31, I’m 29. I decided to talk to my husband about what my co-worker (his former college “friend”) mentioned to me about him being “sexually confused” and dating a guy in college. I really tried not to be accusatory because that’s not the place I was coming from at all. I prefaced the whole conversation by telling him that he didn’t have to talk about this or tell me anything if he didn’t want to or wasn’t ready for some reason, but that I was really caught off guard by some comments that my co-worker made. The actual information she shared didn’t upset me, but I was honest in that I was confused and worried about why he hadn’t told me himself and the way she said it was like everybody knew, so why hide this from me, if it did indeed happen? He just sort of sat there staring off into space for a minute and then said “yeah, it’s true.” I told him I understand that we’re not obligated to tell each other every detail from our pasts, but for me personally this is something that I feel like he should have been able to share with me and I have the impression that he was intentionally keeping it from me. He admitted he was intentionally keeping it from me, but not to deceive me. He’s lost girlfriends or potential girlfriends over it before so just got into the habit of not mentioning it, and then once he felt comfortable mentioning it to me he felt it was too far after the fact and would just be strange to bring it up at that point. Plus, he says he knows I like my men to be “men,l I like to be dominated, etc. and he felt that although he was pretty sure I’d be accepting, he didn’t want to risk the small chance that he’d lose attraction in my eyes. I know this isn’t about me, but I keep feeling it’s about me. It’s my fault that I left any amount of doubt in his mind that I would have accepted this, still loved him, and still been attracted to him. I feel bad, like a failure. When I asked him if it was just this one guy, more than one, is he bisexual? Now is the perfect time to tell me. He said he doesn’t feel like telling me everything in graphic detail right now. He doesn’t know what he considers himself, he guesses he’s bisexual. He’s not “confused.” He’s attracted to men and women. He loves me. He only wants to be with me. He’s not been cheating on me with men this whole time. Well, I never thought that’s what was happening anyway. He dated 2 guys, years ago. He had sex with them. He’s also done other sexual things with different guys but not since we’ve been together. He said he’s only telling me that because I asked and he won’t lie about it, but he doesn’t feel like going into detail right now, maybe later, but don’t ask him about it. He apologized for not telling me. He doesn’t need to be sorry. I don’t think he was trying to trick me. Again, I know it was never about me really. So now I’ve made him feel bad. This isn’t how he wanted me to find out about any of it and he says regardless of what I say, he knows things will be awkward between us now. Maybe they will. I don’t know. Definitely feels that way right now. We haven’t even really been in the same room as each other since this conversation, only in passing and barely any words spoken. I feel like he doesn’t want to be near me at all. I had to ask him, I just had to hear from him, but now I sort of feel like I should have just never brought it up. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **thatgirl239** >How did it go today? **OOP replied** >>Awkward this morning. I was trying to show affection but he just seemed to want to keep distance, so I wasn’t going to force it. If I were to force it, it’d seem fake and only serve to draw more attention to the issue and he’d probably feel like it was some sort of pity affection. >>We had this birthday party for our dog. I mean, we were genuinely celebrating our dog’s birthday but it was really an excuse to have a little party because we just like to entertain. So afterwards he joked “You should have known…no completely straight man would have a birthday party for his dog.” **thatgirl239** >>>Okay I think the fact he made that joke is a good sign! :) that is funny though lol **OOP ON WHAT KIND OF MAN HER HUSBAND IS** >That would be difficult for me since I still think he’s the most attractive man, inside and out, that I’ve ever met. >Not too long ago, he quit his job after this female co-worker was sexually assaulted by the second highest male staff person. After the assault was reported, this female co-worker was still made to work closely with the man who assaulted her and even forced to go on a business trip with him with the threat of if she didn’t go she’d be fired. My husband was distraught over this and really put himself on the line to try to protect this woman and get the rapist punished, but the guy got away with it. Eventually he decided he couldn’t work with that man or at that company anymore, morally. So he quit. This is the type of person he is and it’s very difficult to find a man like this. **ONE LAST COMMENT FROM OOP** >I’d rather find out he has been with men then find out he was secretly disciple of Andrew Tate. I mean, this is like winning the lottery compared to finding out something like that. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My husband had a relationship with a man and never told me

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17i5kj9/my_husband_had_a_relationship_with_a_man_and/

17i5l1x

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Honest_Sky_7765 **I just blew up at my family and I have honestly never felt better** **Previous [BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/4bLO1SBpdZ) **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Child neglect!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14d1a7i/i_just_blew_up_at_my_family_and_i_have_honestly/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **June 19, 2023** For some background, I (25M) am the only male in my family, not including my son and nephews. Over the years I have often been the forgotten one in the family or the one who is expected to just give things up for others (however more often recently, it has been the constant need for favours, from building furniture, to sorting out different technology to being the adult figure at an event for the younger ones due to them being unable to make it). For example, when growing up, I would often be left home alone while the others in my family went out for meals or for a 'girls day', once also being left with other family members so that they could go on holiday without me. Or I would be expected to take my dad's old clothes (he lived separately from my mom) while my sisters got brand new everything, from clothes, to big trips to having their prom entirely paid for while I had to stay home during my prom. So onto what caused me to blow up. Yesterday was Father's day, as mentioned, I have a son myself, and since I am the only male, I am also the main male role model for my nephew. I do not wish to sound whiney, but this is now the fourth year in a row that I have been completely forgotten about, I'm a simple person so I do not expect nor like big celebrations or gifts, I just wanted a simple message saying happy fathers day. Now I would usually be able to ignore this and move on however Mothers day in our family has always been a huge event, with constant gifts, meals etc. Wishing for a simple message seemed so small in comparison so I didn't feel like I was asking too much. It was not as if they had completely forgotten about it, as various members of the family posted about fathers day, including little posts for those who have unfortunately passed away or are no longer part of the main family unit (like my father). So this ended with me blowing up at my family for constantly asking me for favours and to make sacrifices when I cant even get the smallest bit of acknowledgement in return. Honestly I said a lot of things that I have been holding in for the longest time and I don't think I have ever felt better getting it off of my chest Edit: First off, I would like to say thank you for all of the support, it genuinely does mean a lot. As for what some people have been asking, I have tried to talk to my family in the past about feeling like I have been treated unfairly, communication isn't my strong point (I was diagnosed with high functioning autism or Aspergers just last year) and it has always resulted in my family, mainly my mother and sister, accusing me of lying or misremembering stuff. As for the blow up, it resulted in my mother lying about getting me something every single year (not true as I keep absolutely everything that has anything to do with my son or fathers day) and then trying to make me feel guilty for being angry, followed by her quickly leaving the family group chat. My sister however quickly jumped in and started trying to belittle me as a father and defend my mother. Followed by removing me from the group chat before I could reply. The only one on my side in all of it is my grandmother, who is the only one to treat me fairly. Overall both my sister and mother completely missed the point I was trying to make and acted like I had asked for a huge celebration for me when all I had said was that I give a lot to the family, it would have been nice to get a simple message from them. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **okileggs1992** >Hugs, it took long enough, and when they keep calling tell them "NO" that you have better things to do (like to hang out with your child), they want you to babysit their kids "NO" I'm busy. You are a parent, you do not need to fill the role of anyone for free labor. **OOP replied** >Thank you for this, unfortunately in the past when I have told them no it has lead to me being repeatedly shouted at or guilt tripped or just completely ignored for weeks * **autopath79** >What specifically did you say when you blew up? Did you blow up to everyone all at once? Was it in person? What was their reaction? **OOP replied** >We have (more accurately now, had) a family group chat. Just after midnight on fathers day I sent a simple message in there telling everyone that I will no longer be doing people favours, when asked why, I simply asked them what day it was. This was followed by my mother claiming not to have had Internet connection all day, despite sharing things on Facebook throughout the day. And claiming to have gotten me something every year, which is just completely not true as ever since my son was born, I have kept anything to do with him in various memory boxes, from cards, to gifts, to little school things he has done. This was followed by me calling her out personally in the chat for not making any effort with me for years, pointing out that she has messaged me twice this year and visited my house 3 times in the last 3 years but then always expecting me to make constant effort for her or do favours (we live less than 10 minutes apart) My mother then left the chat and hasn't messaged me since. My sister then jumped in and started saying I was being unfair by calling out my mother and tried to belittle me, and then quickly removed me from the group chat before I could reply [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14f3yum/update_i_blew_up_at_my_family_and_have_honestly/)  **June 21, 2023** For those who have seen my last post, I thought I'd give you an update. Following me blowing up at my family, I received multiple messages either belittling me, playing the victim or calling me unfair. So after a lot of people giving me the same advice, I have decided to cut them out of my life, mainly my mother and sister. I'm still in contact with my grandmother and younger cousins as they have genuinely done nothing wrong and have been on my side. However my mother has decided to be petty, in our family, each of us pays for a different streaming service and share the accounts. My mother decided to change the password to her account and kicked me off of it, so I have done the same with the service that I pay for (I will however be logging my cousins and grandmother back into it but not revealing the password) So yeah, I've cut off the ones who would make me feel worthless and they've decided to be petty in return. ##**NEW UPDATE** * [Update 2 - 4 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/HlKyyisJ6G)  **Oct 21, 2023** So I wasn't actually going to do a full update, but I just came across a video containing my posts and saw a lot of comments both here and on the video asking how I'm doing. So I'm doing good, I have cut all contact with my mother and sister. I haven't spoken to them in 4 months and they haven't attempted to contact me. My mother did contact my girlfriend a few weeks after the incident for an unrelated favour but was quickly shut down. I am doing better in my own life, I have a new job, working as a data technician and have been feeling a lot better mentally. Overall I have just chosen to start living a more quiet life, I will still speak to my grandmother every week and check in, on top of that I have just been making sure I have a stress free environment and only have people around me who will build me up and make life better, rather than those who would constantly try and drag me down. So yeah, I cut off my family and its been great since, I am doing better in my work life, personal life and most importantly I'm doing a lot better mentally. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I just blew up at my family and I have honestly never felt better

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17i5l1x/i_just_blew_up_at_my_family_and_i_have_honestly/

17i5lhu

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/PeckertonDetinctive **Originally posted to** r/EntitledPeople **Stepdaughter's entitled boyfriend lands them homeless, carless, and adrift** Trigger Warnings: >!mentioned animal neglect, manipulation, emotional abuse, theft!< Mood Spoilers: >!wishful thinking!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/16unoni/stepdaughters_entitled_boyfriend_lands_them/) - **September 28, 2023** I call my stepdaughter's entitled boyfriend wreck it Ralph (no relation to the trademark cartoon just coincidental naming). He has a tendency to break/ruin/tear up everything he touches. My stepdaughter, who is actually a sweet and endearing young woman whom I love dearly, has like many young women with self esteem issues allowed herself to be led astray by WIR. In the year they've been together, she's lost everything but at 23 she is old enough to learn her lessons without us parents coming to her rescue until she gets rid of WIR and back on track. When they first got together, they lived with her dad and myself for a few months. It very quickly became apparent WIR had a chip on his shoulder when it came to me: he would carry tales to my husband causing us to argue, despite my husband telling WIR many many times that was my house and everything in it was mine WIR would keep asking my husband not me if he could have this or that and thats if he asked. He kept getting more and more animals despite our telling him no more...neither were taking care of the ones they had, they weren't buying dog or cat food or cat litter my husband and I were, they weren't picking up the messes, and they weren't training them allowing them to tear up our belongings. Mary Jane is legal in our state, and there is a dispensary in our town, and the only work these two would do is door delivery - her job with a daily pay out - just to get enough money for WIR to make a purchase at the dispensary every day along with eating at fast food restaurant. WIR's chip on his shoulder when it came to me was such that they brought my husband a soda one night, walking in the back door right past me calling out loudly "we got you a (your favorite soft drink)" to my husband in the living room with zero inclusion to me. Another example is my stepdaughter asking if she could use my debit card to go get the four of us drinks at a local convenience store one hot day my husband and I were unloading stuff from the truck and trailer in the backyard, which was no problem. However when checking my account they spent $20 on food for WIR without asking. The end came when I told them they had to replace the bedroom door their dog chewed the bottom out of, and refused to allow the pit bull mix they wanted to "rescue" even though it had a bite history to enter my home. They moved to my stepdaughter's mother's home at that point. During their time there my stepdaughter kept getting tickets in her car which is only registered to my husband. They weren't paying their insurance - which I had bought my stepdaughter her own policy and paid the start up out of my money when they lived with us - and didn't pay the plate renewal. Now her license is suspended, and it cost my husband and I $600 to get the plates - again in his name only - unsuspended. Plus they had damaged the car and it needed repairs. So he took it from them. Before her license was suspended but after the police took the plates from her car my husband let her use his truck which was on my insurance policy - WIR drove it, and he has no license, and blew the motor in it. It is now sitting and can't be used. I told my husband I would put the car on my insurance for him but only if he drove it, if he returned it to them I was canceling the insurance which I've stood by. Nevertheless, WIR called daily demanding my husband return the car to them once it was legal and fixed - after three weeks my husband finally said "look you dumbass I don't know what it is that you think you're trying to accomplish here but you're not demanding anything from me and you're not getting the car back. I may have originally bought it for her before she got with you but it IS my car in my name and I'm keeping it in lieu of the truck you ruined. Don't call me again about the car. Got it?" We had been hearing of ongoing disputes between my husband's ex and WIR. Things got so bad there that WIR told my husband's ex wife to "pack her shit and get the F out" of her own home! Another time he told her to "shut the F up and remember who she's talking to". So we all decided it was time to let our daughter hit rock bottom since she wasn't seeing how WIR had taken her from being a sweet lovable well liked and responsible girl in a college nursing program to this person with a criminal history and no prospects at the moment. My husband's ex wife moved in with her boyfriend, turning the power off at the home she had been renting, and told her former landlord whom she was actually long time friends with she wouldnt allow it to affect their friendship if he evicted them for squatting since neither were on her lease to begin with. When my stepdaughter called wanting to come back, my husband told her she could but WIR could not. Now they are staying at a homeless shelter in the town where WIR's mom lives, and WIR's mom wont let them live with her either. We hate to see her go through this, but this entitled WIR she won't let go of has really brought her down and she can do so much better. This guy actually told us once he couldn't work at a factory that he interviewed at "because it was climate controlled and his heart condition won't allow that" - then argued with me and my husband that climate controlled meant controlled by the climate so it was hot in summer and cold in winter. We haven't seen him hold a job or do anything useful and productive since they've been together, just demand from and use the people who love the girl he's become a cling-on to. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** ***Previous-Ad-5353:** Cameras are a method of collecting evidence and can maybe be considered a deterrent. Certainly doesn't mean WIR won't come over. In fact, I assume he doesn't care at all...* > **OP:** Ive dealt with that once before and it didn't work out very well for the other person. Yes he literally broke my surveillance cameras, broke into my home, claimed to be a resident needing evicted, stole belongings, and threatened me and my spouse. When we contacted the police who said it was a civil matter, I informed the police in writing with photos of damage that due to the threats to self, party, home, and property it now fell into the realm of legally authorized self defense. I went on to explain that I am a black belt and trained marksman (true story on both accounts) and that since the police could not do anything I was prepared to used whatever force was necessary. The very next day warrants were issued for that person. WIR won't win on that front. ***One_of_a_kind_strain:** 9/10 he’s abusing the her in some form. Whatever you do, don’t break contact with her.* > **OP:** No we haven't cut off communication. We've only cut off any support he might benefit from. Like, I'd go buy her tampons if she asked, but I won't give any money for tampons. I'll give her a ride if she asks, buy I won't give them a ride. She has a home and support, they/he do not. ***Traditional_Onion461:** You are doing the right thing but must be heartbroken for her current situation. Curious to know - what happened to all the pets?* > **OP:** Well, the saddest pet story is the one regarding her beloved pomeranian that she's had for about 8 years I believe. My husband had gotten him for her before we met, and she was pretty attached to him. My husband and I were not aware that they could only have one animal there, and naturally they HAD to choose HIS pit mix pup over any other animal. In what I can't help but feel was a calculated move on his part, WIR convinced her to leave Bumper who was full blooded and AKC registered with HIS sister...who we feel sold him. When my husband found out where Bumper was he told her to bring him to us, but by then it was too late and WIR's sister was smugly arrogant about "they abandoned him I surrendered him to the shelter". My husband and I both called all the shelters in a surrounding three county radius which encompasses a large metro area in the state next to ours as we live near the Stateline to no avail, no dog matching his description has passed through any of their shelters in the previous 90 days. We contacted law enforcement but without proof she agreed to take care of him instead of her story of them just leaving Bumper at her place without permission and not coming back for him, it was a civil matter. The two cats were given away, and the pit mix pup he wasn't being a responsible pet owner for and who had no shots contracted parvo and died. The other pit mix they/he wanted to bring to my home as a "rescue" and had a bite history, my husband took to the shelter because I wasn't about to shoulder that liability or risk our homeowners insurance. I'm a pet lover and have Pugs, my husband has a chihuahua, and I cried for my husband's broken heart over Bumper who I had no issue taking back in for my husband and step daughter. However, I do draw the line on pit mixes when one has a bite history and the other chewed through the solid wood 6 panel interior door to their bedroom (which yes I ultimately paid to replace after they moved out, along with the flooring). I've never been a cat person, call me a bitch and I'll happily wear the title, but stinky litter boxes and cat litter all over the floor for an annoying tail across your face while sleeping and without the loyalty or alerting protection of a dog - no thank you. Plus my husband is mildly allergic so there's that. ***Traditional_Onion461:** Thank you for replying- another heartbreak for your family then. WIR sounds truly awful as does his sister. Do you have anyway of seeing your daughter on her own just to reassure that you mean it when you say SHE doesn’t have to live like this?* > **OP:** I wish. She does call, usually to ask for money which we don't give. He has her put it on speakerphone so he can hear everything and usually manages to interject himself into every conversation. Her dad has told her he wants a family day with just her, but so far it's not been arranged. Her friends have called us worried, one tried telling her to get rid of him when they were alone in the car one day and all she did was stare straight ahead out the windshield without acknowledging what her friend was saying. Her dad and I know "she knows" but we also see where she's frozen in fear of leaving him. I don't believe it fear of abuse, I think it's fear of not having anyone and fear of being less than her siblings and peers. Out of my husband and I's children as well as her mother's children, she's now the only one not committed, settled, and a parent (except her sister from her mom who is intellectually disabled and institutionalized, so this sibling doesn't count in terms of this level of sibling self worth) even though she's not the youngest. None of us three parents of course judge her or make her feel inferior for that, but between her low self esteem and judging herself according to the other kids in her extended blended family I genuinely feel she won't leave WIR because she feels he's her last chance. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17ddhb5/update_homeless_stepdaughter_and_wreck_it_ralph/) - **October 21, 2023** Well, we are making progress, anyway. My stepdaughter recently had court in town 30 miles west of us. They are staying just across the state line in a small city 30 miles east of us. So my husband and I devised a plan to get her alone from him. We said the only car running was the two seat convertible and could only take her for her court appearance. My husband picked her up, then I took her to her court appearance as my husband had to be at the house for something. On the way, she started talking about how she wanted to break up with WIR but was afraid of the hurt that comes with it. She hated how controlling and untruthful he was but felt he truly loved her and didn't know if the negative behavior was simply from their stressful circumstances. She said once he got SR-22 insurance and his license back he would be able to work and things would be better. I pulled over, pulled out my phone, and went to the court file website for the county north of us where WIR used to live. I pulled up six cases in his name, three to do with driving with multiple citations in each. The most recent: he was speeding, ran a stop sign, hit a woman, fled the scene, had a suspended license and registration and had obviously no insurance. He was arrested later and had to post bond. That case he had $4000 in fines, plus we had received a letter at our house from the state stating he owed $11,000 in restitution to the woman for damages and that his license was permanently suspended until the restitution, any related court imposed fines, and state imposed reinstatement fee was paid along with proof of sr-22 within 48 hrs of release of suspension by the state. (My husband accidentally opened it, it arrived in a stack of other mail and he didn't look at addressee). She was deflated and angry, stating they'd talked at length and he never told her any of that only that he needed sr-22 because he got caught driving without insurance and had to have it before he could get his license back. As someone who used to have my own insurance sales license I told her no, you can't get insurance if your license is suspended or revoked, at least not in our state. He would have to get his license valid then get insurance for mandated sr-22 reporting. She herself ended up on probation for her driving issues related to him with a six month suspension and $750 in fines - lucky break from judge in all honesty. She too will have to have sr-22 once her suspension is over. Afterwards while I stopped at the store to get stuff for supper, WIR kept calling and demanding she come back. Despite plans to have supper with her that evening, she ultimately gave in to the relentless calls and asked her dad to take her back before I could cook. I did verify that yes, she has an IUD for those that inquired. She was very unhappy with her situation and beginning to see him for what he is, and how in the year theyve been together hes brought her down. However, she's not quite at the leaving him point, but hopefully with any luck she'll be calling to come home soon. She knows she has a place here with us, but he doesn't. **Relevant Comments** ***HUNGWHITEBOI25:** …despite everything you told her…she STILL isnt at the “leaving him” point..? Genuinely curious, what would he have to do for her TO be at the “leaving him” point?* >**OP:** I don't know. The fact she is considering it is a move in the right direction and we are being supportive without giving any money or enabling the situation in any capacity. The fact she now has a misdemeanor from driving as a result of his actions really weighed on her. I told her, without mentioning him, it wasn't the end of the world but that it was meant to be a learning point and she should reflect upon how and why she got it as well as how to move forward from here. She was receptive. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

Stepdaughter's entitled boyfriend lands them homeless, carless, and adrift

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Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17i5lhu/stepdaughters_entitled_boyfriend_lands_them/

17i791c

**I am not the OOP, OOP is** u/Terrible_Reserve3754 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **Trigger warnings**: >!mentions of possible infidelity and possible paternity deception!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1726lq5/aita_for_not_telling_my_new_partner_about_having/) **Oct 6, 2023** Some background, I 36M was married for 8 years have one kid. After they were born I got a vasectomy which was 4 years ago because I am not interested in having more children. Ended up get divorced about 2 years ago. Started dating my recent ex(33f) little less than 9 months ago.When we started dating and the kid conversation came up I was very clear about not wanting any more children and that will not change. I didn't bring up my vasectomy at that point partly because I didn't think it mattered and partly because I didn't think it was their business that early on.Fast forward to this week, she told me she was pregnant. At this point I said the child is unlikely mine and I will not have any involvement in this until a paternity test is done. My reasoning for this is she was supposedly on birth control and I in theory should be sterile so the odds seem pretty astronomical to me. This obviously turned in to a fight. She accused me of being dishonest with her which I guess a lie of omission isn't being completely honest. AITA for not disclosing my vasectomy earlier? Edit:Thanks for the numerous replies. I haven't had time to read them all, but to address some common comments.I do plan to get retested, but due to them wanting you to abstain for a few days it will be about mid next week before I can drop a sample off. That said I have been tested three times since the vasectomy. Initially after the minimum wait time. About a year later when my ex-wife removed her iud. Finally about 6 months after the divorce before i started dating. All showed I was still sterile so not expecting much change there, but who knows. I will update after.Secondly, I was on the fence about the relationship for the last month or so. Even if the child is mine I don't have much interest in trying to mend the relationship though I will try to be a good coparent and obvious apologize for my strong suggestions of cheating.Finally, I do agree that I probably should have said something when we started having sex. She brought up her being on the iud so I didn't bring up my vasectomy. I am a bit paranoid so preferred the dual birth control. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/176gz4d/update_aita_for_not_telling_my_new_partner_about/) **October 12, 2023** This isn't much of an update, but thought I would provide since many were curious. Had my sperm count tested and it came back at zero so not much doubt that I am in the clear. I had reached out a couple times since the argument to discuss how she wants to do a paternity test and got nothing back. I have been blocked on any shared social media and have not talked to her since the argument. At this point I don't see any need to reach out any more and will wait and see if she tries to take me to court. **Marked as CONCLUDED since OOP seems unlikely to have fathered a baby and his ex has gone silent.** **REMINDER - I AM NOT OOP - This is a repost sub**

AITA for not telling my new partner about having a vasectomy?

CONCLUDED

sassy_cheddar

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17i791c/aita_for_not_telling_my_new_partner_about_having/

17iilxb

**I am NOT OP. Original post by multiple accounts on** r/AskReddit & r/reddit.com   [**Original Post by u/joecook1987**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/alsr7/im_bored_a_question_redditors/) \- 5th Jan, 2010 **I'm bored... a question, Redditors:** Who's your daddy? My father is a simple motorcycle dealer/mechanic. He enjoys racing, but was never quite good enough to go pro. As a side note; is it just me, or have you ever noticed dad(s) seem to know all the tricks in the book?   **Reply by** u/jLoSsDh \- 5th Jan, 2010 >My father's name is Yeve Arno Evans. That's all I know. > >If anyone out there knows someone with this name, or if it's you, I'd be interested in communicating. **Reply by** u/cycambio \- 30th Jan, 2010 >Hello, I do know someone named Yeve Arno Evans. How can I help you communicate with him. I will continue to check back for your response. Hopeful, Cindy   [**Update by u/jLoSsDh**](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/aw2z5/i_found_my_dad_thanks_to_you_reddit/) \- 30th Jan, 2010 Here is where it happened. His wife was googling his father's name, and one of the results was this page. She made the comment, I replied with a pm, and it went from there. We chatted via instant message for a while, then talked on the phone, then traded pics. It was an emotional time for everyone, and I'm still kind of in shock. Anyway, I just wanted to say, "Thanks Reddit!" for helping me find the father I never knew! How amazing!! Edit - [Here's a pic of him..](http://imgur.com/IKNxx.jpg)   **Reply by** u/cycambio \- 31st Jan, 2010 >I too want to say thank Reddit.com It's a boy, and we are thrilled!!!!!!!!! I was searching for the location of my husband's, father's grave, when I googled his name, there was the most amazing surprise, my husband's baby boy was looking for his father. Posted 25 days ago..... !!! The search was on and in a little over an hour we were blessed with this beautiful gift... We have talked on the phone, chatted all night online and awoke to continue our journey together. We are so excited to have found you ... We are eager to embrace you in person. Family reunion in April lets see what we can do to bring you home... Much Love , POP and Mama Cy   **Additional Info by** u/jLoSsDh **in the comments -** >Thank you. It really is pretty cool. I'm not sure how I should feel about it yet, but I'm happy. &#x200B; >Yeah, I think so. He seems like a good guy. We talked on the phone until my battery died, and continued chatting online until the wee hours of the morning. He's a plumber in Texas, has a wife, and lots of other kids. I now have a ton of new family to get to know! &#x200B; >I was raised by my grandfather, and for me he has always been my true Dad. He passed on in 2001, and I miss him very much. This new development in my(and my 'new' father's) life is a welcome surprise. &#x200B; >He and my mother took off against my grandfather's and brother's will when they were teenagers. My gf didn't like it much evidently, but they left anyway. In Wa. he got in trouble with the law, and he and my mother parted ways. He remained incarcerated for about 3 years. She went on with her life, and didn't get back in touch with him since. &#x200B; >From what I gather, he wasn't exactly liked by my mother's family. He knew this, and probably didn't return for that reason. There's really no way to know for sure. I don't have any hard feelings though.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Who's your daddy? Reddit post helps OOP find bio dad.

CONCLUDED

Mist0fCapricorn

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17iilxb/whos_your_daddy_reddit_post_helps_oop_find_bio_dad/

17imery

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Fenix512 in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!bullying!< mood spoilers: >!inconclusive, but hopeful!< Last update was 7 days ago, per this sub's rules. --- &nbsp; [**My wife (27F) doesn't approve of my brother's new SO. Do I (27M) have a say in my brother's love life?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/178gt20/my_wife_27f_doesnt_approve_of_my_brothers_new_so/) - October 15, 2023 My wife and I met about 4 years ago and got married recently. My brother [30, M] has had a great relationship and friendship with her ever since they met. My brother met someone through the apps not long ago and are hitting it off nicely. Both of us were very excited for him since he has had a hard time in the dating scene. We always have football watch parties at his place and he told us we would be able to meet her at the next one. We met her yesterday. Turns out, his new SO is my wife's high school bully. When they met, they recognized each other cordially, maybe a bit awkward, but afterwards I could tell my wife was super uncomfortable. We made up an excuse and left early. On the way home, she told me about her bully, but not with a lot of detail. Before going to bed, she told me I need to demand my brother that he stop seeing her. I know she was distressed, but I don't know if I can do this. My limited interaction with her was pleasant. There were no other obvious red flags from her bully I could detect. Maybe I could warn my brother about her, but I do not think I can make demands on his own love life. If someone came to me and demanded I stop seeing my wife when we started dating, I would have told them to fuck off. I can see this might strain their friendship. Any advice? Thanks in advance! &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17d2do0/update_my_wife_27f_doesnt_approve_of_my_brothers/) - October 21, 2023 This is a short update and probably a frustrating one since it won't have a satisfying closure. My wife took back the demand the next morning. She apologized to me and said it was probably an extreme reaction to seeing her bully. We talked about what happened in HS and the next steps. Earlier in the week, we talked to my brother. We were frank and to the point: New SO was a bully to my wife when they were in high school. My wife forgives her, but does not forget. If my brother and her are pursuing a serious relationship, that is fine by us and we won't get in the way, but also won't be around if she's there at a social event. We will see how it goes for big family events like Thanksgiving and/or Christmas. If New SO is truly remorseful and wants to apologize, she's open to that. My brother was mildly shocked, but seemed to empathize with my wife. So far she's been great to him and was seemingly a good person. He said he needed some time to know what to do with this info. Likely he wants to find out if New SO is remorseful, because he definitely does not want to be in a relationship who is secretly a bully or is duplicitous about it. The talk ended in good terms, so we'll see what happens going forward, but I'm at peace knowing we did the mature thing. Thanks everyone for the advice!! P.S.: Some people were asking what did the bully do to my wife. I am not gonna go into detail about it. The purpose of the original post was to ask if we could interfere in my brother's love life, which was a resounding no, not to trauma dump my wife's personal struggles to internet strangers. **Marked as ongoing, since we don't know how the new SO reacted to being asked about her past. Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My wife (27F) doesn't approve of my brother's new SO. Do I (27M) have a say in my brother's love life?

ONGOING

J_S_M_K

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17imery/my_wife_27f_doesnt_approve_of_my_brothers_new_so/

17iutha

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/spotifyexe. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15dgt30/aita_for_not_wanting_my_future_stepson_to_attend/)**: July 30, 2023 (early morning, around 2:00 AM)** I(30F) am getting married to my fiance 'Alan'(33M) in december. My fiance was married to 'Amy'(34F) before me and they had a son together 'Jay'(17F). Amy and Alan slept together at a party when they were both 16 and jay was the product of that. They tried their best to make it work for 5 years but then got divorced as Amy had cheated on Alan. Now coming to the issue, I met my husband when I was 25 and he was 28. That's nearly 6-7 years after his divorce with Amy. But Jay seemed to think of me as the cause of it. Alan and Amy have decided to not tell Jay about the real reason of their divorce until he's legally an adult. Because of that, he seems to believe that if he pushes his father and mother together, they'll get back together. I have nothing against Jay but his actions really hurt me and he's so full of hatred for me. Initially, I tried to be a second mom to him but he didn't like it nor did Amy, which I understand. So I stopped trying and treated him as a friend instead. But he talks down to me, calls me homewrecker. But, last week his friends all messaged me harassing me and asking to send them my OF(which I don't have) since I'm a thot and alot of other explicit things. This has hit the nail in the coffin for my fiance. My fiance is furious at Jay and wants to uninvite him from our wedding, so do I. but Amy is against that. She thinks I'm being too sensitive and believes that this is normal teen behaviour. I don't know if my dislike for Jay is clouding my decision. So please tell me AITA? **Edit 1** : hey guys we scheduled a talk with amy & jay tomorrow to look over this issue. Will update tomorrow if all goes well. Thanks for all the advice and insight. **Edit 2: (about 12-14 hours later)** hey so I'm going to try to make this not too long but basically me, amy, alan& jay had a sit down talk just about 30 mins ago. It wasn't going anywhere until Alan burst out about amy cheating on him. Amy went hysterical and tried to deny any accusations but eventually agreed. Jay looked so confused. But he surprisingly took it well. Noone expected him to, but he did, he seemed so ashamed of himself. Turns out, I was right. Jay didn't believe that I was a homewrecker or anything he was just jealous and mad that I got with Alan when Alan had money & was rich meanwhile his mom had to go through poverty with his dad and seemed think of me as some gold digger(?) Even though I also work & earn almost as much as my fiancee. Jay also admitted that Amy had said alot of messed up stuff about me to him when Alan and I first got together. He apologised for that He said that he wasn't aware of what his friends had sent to me and agreed that while he may have confided in his 'friends' about what his mom said about me, he never asked them to message me. I've never seen Jay look so remorseful. Amy was fuming throughout this ordeal and screaming at Alan and I. Eventually Alan kicked her out to have a more peaceful convo with Amy. Alan and Jay both exchanged hugs and for the first time in 3 years, Jay looked happy. Well that didn't last for long because after the initial guilt and shock, anger settled in and he immediately moved out of his moms flat & moved in with us. He'd mad with Alan too for keeping this secret from him but not at me surprisingly, he actually didn't blame me. So I think we might actually be able to be in a more friendly familial relationship. Thank you to you all and your messages. I guess all I needed to do was communicate. Thanks. **Edit 3 (19 hours from OG post)** Turns out you all were right. Jay formally apologised to me today and said that he had been feeling guilty for the past year. Apparently on a camping trip his gf 'Maya'(16F) a few months back, he confided in her about everything that had been going on. Maya was the first one to tell him that Amy sounded toxic & there was probably more to the story. He said that he'd been asking Amy if there was something that he didn't know about Alan & Her but Amy declined. He also agreed that Amy had been abusive growing up and had him sleep outside her appartment on days when she was on her period and wanted some time alone. He never thought to come to us because Amy had portrayed me in a such a way that Jay thought I would make a big deal out of it and Alan would no longer invite him over. Jay looked like he was going to cry saying all this. He apologised and said that he was ready for any punishment and begged that we dont cut him off. I told him that it was never my plan & that we're going to work this out together. I also messaged maya thanking her for consoling jay & supporting him. Jay & Alan want to go to court & change amy's custody to visitation only but I think it's useless since jay will turn 18 in a couple of months. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Jay needs therapy:* "We discussed that too. He'll be joining therapy soon and we'll also start family therapy once he turns 18 so he doesn't need his moms signature" *How did the friends get your number?* "From the parent's gc of jay's soccer team. I only allow messages from mutuals & friends." *You should have told him a long time ago:* "It isn't that easy telling a little 5 year old that the reason his world is falling apart is because his mom cheated on his dad. He was already suffering alot, as time passed, noone ever brought it up until Jay was 12 & was really emotional as most teens are. He was hostile and impulsive so they wanted to wait out till he was 18 so that he wouldn't cut amy out completely & be more mature." ***OOP also wrote some responses to comments when her post was crossposted to Am I the Angel:*** *He treats her like shit for years and then one conversation in 8 hours fixes it?* Hi, I'm the one who posted that. :) my original post was made a few days after the initial incident at night. We already had a meeting next day to discuss custody. And i didn't say in my post that he treated me like shit, he just didn't like me. He wasn't rude per say just very distant & uncaring. He called me a homewrecker during one of the fights he had with his dad. The convo wasn't short and we've had more than 10 of those in the past week alone. We've talked with the kids parents and its getting sorted out. Hope this clears it up<3 *Timeline:* "Sorry if my timeline is a bit rough since this all took place some time ago but I think it was like I made the post at 2 am, they came over at 830 ish (we had talked to amy about this meeting a month ago for custody arrangements) and i posted the update about like 1030ish."

AITA for not wanting my future stepson to attend my wedding?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17iutha/aita_for_not_wanting_my_future_stepson_to_attend/

17iutoh

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/SleepingCheonsa](https://www.reddit.com/user/SleepingCheonsa/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but for the best!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17aolwy/aita_for_asking_my_gf_to_clean_100_of_our/)**: October 18, 2023** I (30M) live with my long-term girlfriend (27F) in a major city. My GF and I live together in a major city to share costs. I only mention this as to provide some information about how much rent costs. While we were both working, I paid 60% of the rent and she paid 40%, with the agreement that I would pay for all dates because I make 30% more than she does. My GF has felt depressed with her career choice, so I suggested that she quit her job and take some classes to gain certifications in a career she would like more. I agreed to pay rent/utilities as well as pay for her classes and give her some spending money (300 dollars a month). I'm lucky in that I work at a good job, so I can eat breakfast, lunch and dinner for free at work. I've also worked on additional projects so that I can work more hours in order to support the both of us on my salary alone. For the last 6 months I've clocked in 60+ hours a week. When we were both working, we split chores 50/50. However, I find myself burning out during the week and unable to clean, and on the weekends she wants to spend Saturday on dates, with us cleaning on Sunday together. We got into a bit of a row because I said that I'm dying and I need a day (Sunday) where I can just be alone or do something with my friends. She said she appreciates my help with her career change, but that since we both live in the apartment, we should both clean. I don't think it's fair since she's home much more than I am, and I make almost zero mess because I spend 60+ hours a week at work. She said just living in the house creates a mess, and I should help clean it. ***Relevant Comments (OOP has a shit ton of comments so I tried to only select a few)*** *How much is she studying/is she alone all the time?* "She takes two classes on MWF for 2 hours each class, for a total of 4 hours a day. She probably studies an additional few hours a day on MWF and a few more hours on T/Th. These are online classes so there's no commute involved." "She spends minimum 24 hours a week studying." "To be honest, I don't understand why people think she is by herself the other days. She is doing distance learning and has friends in the city she can see whenever schedules align. There's no kids or pets to take care of." *More info on scheduling and chores he does:* "M-F I'm not home from 8:30am to 10pm+ due to commute times and work. The only mess would be towels. Edit: I wash my own laundry." "I don't use any dishes because I eat at work. Saturdays we have a date so we eat out. I also don't snack at home because I get home 10pm, and wake up at 7:30am. I do game, but I play phone games. The mess is just general living messes." "I only do my own laundry at home. Everything else I would ask her to do. I don't refuse to do the trash and if I'm going out, I'll take it out. But I can't make the bed because she wakes up at 10am and I wake up at 7:45 so I can leave at 8:30." *What he's paying for:* "For pay, i pay rent, education expenses, food (mostly hers), cell phone, and give her 300 dollars." *Get a cleaner:* "So at the current rate of spending, a cleaner would be a bit rough. It would eat into her spending money. I'm fortunate that my food and transportation costs are covered by my work (free meals and a subway card), but without that, I don't think this situation would be feasible." *She's a leech:* "I don't think that. When we were both working, she was phenomenal at her job, and her course studies a going great as well. I wouldn't call her a leach at all, but I am feeling some burnout and I do want her to do the cleaning." *How much time are you two spending cleaning on Saturdays?* "It takes about 4 hours total. Some of the time is "dead time" such as waiting for the washer and dryer to finish. We clean the study room, the bedroom, the bathroom and the living room. The bed sheets and such are washed weekly, and so are my clothes. I actually prefer to wash my own clothes and would do this on Saturday morning since I like to hang dry my shirts and pants to avoid shrinkage/increase their life." *Couldn't she get a part time job?* "I'm not sure a part time job would be worth it in regards to cost/benefit. Part of me thinks it's only another 6 months and it would be better to have her focus on passing her certification exams the first time around as these tests aren't cheap either. She'd only work a few hours a week, but the mental toll would be much higher than just the hours worked (commute, scheduling, maybe a bad boss or coworkers)" *You should have talked about this before she quit:* "We didn't do the math properly together. Both of us didn't think I'd need to do an additional 80 hours of work a month to pay for everything. I also didn't expect to be this burned out from working and doing the chores so that wasn't talked about either." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17dpslz/update_aita_for_asking_my_gf_to_clean_100_of_our/)**: October 22, 2023 (4 days later)** I(30M) asked my GF(27F) if we could speak before our date night. I told her that I wouldn't expect her to do 100% of the chores, and that I would continue to do my laundry and do my dishes from Sunday, but I can't do the shared laundry or the other shared chores. She said that's it's still not fair since we both contribute to the mess of the house just by the fact we both live here. I then suggested that we cut down her allowance and use that money to pay for a cleaner once a week on Sunday so both of us would be free. She didn't complain about the drop in money here, but she said that her cleaning or a cleaner doing it made no real difference because she would want to stay at the house because she couldn't trust a stranger to clean unsupervised because she might steal something. Basically I went through a few different situations and in the end, they all resulted in the same answer by her. So I broke up. I have 5 months left on this place, so I'm just going to transfer the lease over, pay the 5 months, and let her keep anything that's not explicitly mine, such as the PS5, my laptop, etc. Anything shared like the bed or TV she can keep. It doesn't matter. I'll be out in a new place in a week. I'll get a work loan to cover this but it'll be over. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why are you giving her a bunch of free shit?* "I could do less. But I'm trying to balance out being fair since she did quit her job. What would you suggest is a more fair setup?" *To a downvoted accusation of him forcing her to quit her job:* "I do think she would have quit no matter what given enough time, but we did come to the agreement together. It's not as if I called her boss on her behalf with a happy career in hand and ended everything. She was depressed in this job and wanted out."

AITA for asking my gf to clean 100% of our apartment?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17iutoh/aita_for_asking_my_gf_to_clean_100_of_our/

17iutqo

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Any_Yogurtcloset_601 **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **I want to call off my wedding because my husband is embarrassed about my culture.** Trigger Warnings: >!Hypocrisy, gaslighting, destruction of heirlooms, verbal and emotional abuse, emotional manipulation!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/175it2n/i_want_to_call_off_my_wedding_because_my_husband/) - **October 11, 2023** Hi! I really need some advice (I might omit some things just because a lot of my friends are here). I’m 26 years old and am getting married to my husband 28. Im from a small village, and moved to the US 5 years ago. That’s important because in such a short amount of time, I’m not assimilated to the us culture and am still very involved in mine. When I met my husband, few weeks into us dating he told me he was going to marry me (as a joke) but I told him how marriage works in my culture and he praised how beautiful it was. Fast forward now. We agreed on doing 2 weddings, one of my culture and the other an American wedding. In my village when you get married, both spouses get a gold bangle sort of thing it’s equivalent to a wedding ring. There is a ceremony and party for that as well. It’s molded on your wrist and can’t come off unless you use like a saw or something like that. During my traditional wedding I received a gift of these fruits I ate back home and are truly my favorite but haven’t been able to find in the us. My hus jokes about he was not looking forward to smelling that everyday. Which is fine because I hate the smell of sausage but it’s something he loves. I stayed back home for a week because I had missed it and my husband came home early to prepare for the American wedding. I came home Monday but didn’t see my husband since he had work and by the time he finished I was sleeping. We had dinner last night and I saw that he didn’t have his bangle and he told me he thought it was just for the party. I explained to him again how important it is to me. And he said that I couldn’t seriously expect him to wear it all the time. I asked him why not and he told me it made him look unprofessional. I got upset with him and left,. He ended up calling me to explain how it holds no cultural significance to him so I told him. I rebutted asking him if he was fine with me not wearing a wedding ring as it holds no cultural significance to me, he got a bit upset and gave me a lecture on how if we were in my country he’d wear it. I feel so turned off and uninterested in this relationship that I am thinking of calling off wedding. EDIT: He did know he would have to wear it permanently. We talked about this in the early stages of us dating and several times leading up to now when I’ve had family members get married and when he proposed. Also he works from home with occasional in person meetings. **Relevant Comments** ***snarkisms:** How did your husband remove his bangle?* >**OP:** He went to a shop and they cut it off ***Lola-the-showgirl:** Is there any compromise here? Like a smaller/ thinner golden braclet that can be more easily hidden under a shirt sleeve instead of a bangle? Or him wearing an American wedding ring only while you only wear the bangle? I feel like in most cross-cultural relationships you have to bend and find ways to compromise.* >**OP:** I don’t mind compromising, but when we had the discussion of what the marriage process would be like, he was fully on board. They take mine(that was given from parents) and the gold gets reused to make for husband when he then gives you a new one. Had I known he wasn’t okay with it, I would preferred to keep mine. But he reassured me he was okay with it and was excited throughout the whole process. ***SwampDragons:** We don't have context on your whole relationship so I'm not going to jump in and give a strong opinion one way or another. But I'm less concerned about the bangle itself and more concerned that he pretended to be into the idea and then changed his tune once it was "too late". You don't seem to believe this was a misunderstanding -- if it had been, then it might be worth finding a compromise. But pretending to be on board with a thing, then pretending not to have understood that it was important to you and downplaying it, while insisting he gets his way? That reeks of some really unhealthy conflict-resolution dynamics. Look back over your relationship and see if you can spot a pattern of this behavior -- the gaslighting, the "I didn't think it was a big deal", and especially any "well really my hurtful behavior is your fault/problem". Those are serious red flags and if there are more instances of them then I think it's worth following your instinct.* >**OP:** I wish I could pin this comment because this is literally it. Throughout all of the years we’d been together he knew about this and he was always so happy about it and complimented many things about my culture. He was excited before the ceremony and even after. When they left he kept sending me pictures of it. Like I was fully convinced he was happy. Had he even talked to me about removing it, I would feel a bit different. But went and did it himself and didn’t even think to mention it when he saw me and I had to notice it myself. Above all, he told me how I couldn’t have seriously thought he’d wear it. Like… &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17e6qmd/update_i_want_to_call_off_my_wedding_because_my/) - **October 22, 2023** Thank you so much for all of the feedbacks. This is going to be a bit long because a lot has happened in the past few days so bear with me please. I’m a bit out of sorts right now so please excuse any grammatical and spelling errors. So, I ended up texting him that morning that I was ready to talk and he came to my hotel a few minutes later. I explained to him how I felt about him cutting off his bangle without talking to me and especially after he’d told he would wear it. (I don’t remember if I explained this earlier but in my culture, parents cut off pieces of theirs to mold together for children. This bangle gets reshaped for my husband so it’s generations and generations that got passed down to mine that is now destroyed). I explained if I knew he didn’t plan to wear it, we could have bought him new gold instead of using mine so I could keep it in tact and be able to give it to my children or we could have made one that can come off and such and he if he’d told me that there was no way he’d ever wear it in any occasion then we could have gone our separate ways. He apologized and explained that he didn’t think he would have to wear it everyday and I when I reminded him that he knew this for years. And also reminded him the countless times I’ve reassured him it was fine if he didn’t want to and yet he told me he would. I’d like to note here, he got to design his and we made it really thin and small where he could wear his watches and it wouldn’t show. I asked him to show me the bangle so we ended up going to his house. I don’t know if he person he went to was bad at his job or what. They literally melted it, it was cut in several different pieces so my original design is completely ruined. It probably doesn’t make sense to you guys but that is really upsetting to me. I did entertain the idea of maybe he was teased or something but he assured me it wasn’t that and he just didn’t think it was that serious. I explained that he was basically divorcing me and he said that I don’t have to wear mine either. He got angry with me and kept insisting I was making a big deal out of nothing. I explained to how the bangle aside, he lied to me about something for FOUR years and then undermined me right after we got married. He failed to communicate to me something so important and doesn’t see how hurtful that is to me. He ended up going on a tangent about how unprofessional it looks when I reminded that he’s been in the same job this whole time and it’s something he never brought also not to mention he works from home and only has biannual in person meetings where obviously it’s formal so it wouldn’t be seen in the first place. There was a lot of back and forth. He got angry with me and kept insisting I was making a big deal out of nothing. I ended up taking an Uber home and the same time day I went and got mine removed. I returned it to him since he bought it along with his ring and took my bangle with me. I called my parents to see if they can make me another one(it’s not the same because I’ve had mine my whole life). my dad called husband and wanted an explanation for he’d done. I guess the conversation didn’t go well because my father immediately started mourning my marriage with my mother and agreed to send me a new one. I told him for us to pause on the American wedding which after trying to change my mind he did give in. Because I wanted to talk more about what other things does he think aren’t serious. I left to come back to my house (I live in a different state only 4-5 hrs away driving) he was supposed to take me, but wouldn’t respond to my texts all of the night before and since I needed to be home for work I called his friend he couldn’t get in contact with him either so he ended up buying me a ticket home and drove me to the airport next day. He drove over to my house 2 nights ago. And he kept apologizing for everything. He told me that he would rewear it and will get it fixed. but honestly all of the designs are ruined and if he wore it now won’t really change the fact that I know how he truly feels about it so I can’t even enjoy it anymore. I had a list of things that we talked about in the past and AGREED to and just wanted to revisit them. And I asked for full honesty and we did end up taking some things off that he agreed to in the past and admitted to not fully agreeing to. Which just didn’t make me feel better like I hoped it would because now I’m rethinking our whole relationship as if everything else has been a lie?? He has insisted that he’s not going back home until we fix this but I’m not optimistic. I feel I’ve said everything I needed to say and now I have nothing else to say. He’s staying at a hotel near by and has been coming down everyday and trying to talk but he’s not really saying anything new and just keeps repeating the same thing. My dad posted pictures of me with my old bangle and implying that I was single. He has been sending me numbers of men he wants me to talk to. I have removed pictures of my traditional wedding from all of my social medias. I don’t expect people to understand (since many of you had been stuck on just the bracelet alone)but I did receive some good feedback and writing this makes me feel a bit better since there isn’t really anyone I can talk about this to. Also just like if he had a problem and waited this long and then tried to secretly remove it without talking to me. Imagine he had a big problem with me in the future and then lied to me that everything is fine only to randomly get divorced even though I didn’t know there was an issue to begin with up until then. **Relevant Comments** ***neatfreak1517:** Do you guys not live together?* >**OP:** No, I wanted to wait until we were fully married to do any marriage things yk. We live in states few hours away from each other and we visit each other a lot. We did plan on moving together after the American wedding as we already got a house ***MysteryAnimal:** You mentioned he lived 4-5 hours from you, but also worked from home and only had to go to in-person work meetings biannually. Was it an option for him to move to your state?* >**OP:** I used to live in his state, I moved to my current state for work. I planned on moving to his state after we’re married. Our house was being built there so it made sense for him to stay and handle that and plus I don’t want to live together until marriage so it didn’t make sense for him to move here and have to find himself another place. &nbsp; **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

I want to call off my wedding because my husband is embarrassed about my culture.

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17iutqo/i_want_to_call_off_my_wedding_because_my_husband/

17iuuk2

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/koko2377 **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice retrieved by rareddit **My (32F) husband (34M) is demanding a paternity test and I don't know if we can come back from this.** Trigger Warnings: >!Accusation of infidelity, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, paranoia, denial of medical care, verbal abuse!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17dhe4m/my_32f_husband_34m_is_demanding_a_paternity_test/) - **October 21, 2023** I'm sorry if this is rambling, but I don't even know what to think with this situation. Me (32F) and my husband (34M) have been together for 12 years and married for 6. We have a 2-year-old daughter and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. We have struggled with getting pregnant both times (4 years for our daughter and a year and a half for this pregnancy). We know that he does have a lower sperm count than average but there was nothing else that had been noted as a barrier. This time, I had started a position as a social worker in the emergency department and I absolutely love it, but I see things that no one should see and on bad days, I don't want sex (which I think makes sense) and I'm sometimes late from work (never more than 2 hours). My husband also left on a boys vacation for a few days around the time I got pregnant. Something happened on this vacation and his mental health has been horrible since: not sleeping, easily agitated, and everyone else on the trip says that something went wrong but we're not sure what happened. Now, I get the positive test. I'm so excited! I can't wait to tell him! The day after I tell him, he then accuses me of the baby not being his. I must have cheated instead of being at work late. I must have gone to a sperm bank because I wanted a child so badly. He wants a paternity test. And, oh yeah, he tested our daughter because he now thinks she's not his either. I have never cheated. Never wanted to. I don't know where this is coming from. I asked what he would do if the test came back that the children were both his, and he said "say I'm sorry and try and make it up to you". He has talked to multiple people about his concerns that I may have cheated and they all tell him that I would never do that. Even his mother is telling him that he's out of line. I'm going to talk to my doc about the non-invasive blood test because I know that I have nothing to hide. We are also going to start couples therapy in a couple of weeks (he didn't participate last time we tried but I have to at least try). But I don't know what to do. He tells me that he still loves me but I don't believe him. Is this it? Is this the end of our relationship? Because I don't know how to come back from this now that I know he doesn't trust me at all. How do I handle this? EDIT: The boys were my father, my brother, my uncle, and his cousin. They were out in a sailboat and on the last day of the trip, a hurricane was coming in. He freaked, wanting to go back into port while everyone else wanted to take advantage of the higher winds to get some real sailing in. He had a full blown panic attack. But my family never stopped him from getting off the boat. He just had to call and someone would have come to get him. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** ***Minute-Aioli-5054:** First step for me to even try to work things out is that he has to go to individual therapy. If this shift of behavior isn’t like him and has been a drastic change, then there’s something going on mental health wise that needs to be addressed.* *Second, couples therapy.* >**OP:** I've been trying to get him into therapy for years. He thinks all therapists are " judgmental assholes ". I then remind him he married a therapist. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17dtlis/update_my_32f_husband_34m_is_demanding_a/) - **October 22, 2023** I (32F) put up the original post last night and never expected the response I got. Thank you to everyone who took the time to help me work through my own feelings and give advice. Also, thank you to everyone who is telling me that I was being a horrible person towards my husband (34M). I appreciate the reality check. Now, the update. My husband found the post. He read though all of your comments too. When he got home from work this morning, we had a conversation about what's going on in his head recently and he called me out for being insensitive since the sailing trip as well. He told me that I have been withdrawn recently and "not wanting to spend as much time" with him. He also said that my fertile time was supposed to be while he was on the boat which is why he is so convinced that I may have been with someone else. My fertile time doesn't appear to ever come when it's supposed to, it seems. He also tells me he has not cheated and I believe him. I am going to talk my doc about doing a blood test for paternity as I refuse to do anything invasive. And we start couples therapy soon. We'll see what happens next. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** ***lakehop:** Glad you found the comments helpful, and glad you and your husband are talking and are still together. It’s good you realize you were not being sufficiently supportive of him and have apologized. However I believe he also needs to apologize to you for accusing you of cheating. If he knew anything about biology he’d know that many women are not anything like as regular as what he is saying.* > **OP:** Funny thing is that he's a mental health nurse. I'm pretty sure he has forgotten everything medical he doesn't need regularly. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

My (32F) husband (34M) is demanding a paternity test and I don't know if we can come back from this.

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17iuuk2/my_32f_husband_34m_is_demanding_a_paternity_test/

17iuvlz

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/top_o_themuffin **An opportunity I was offered at work was given to my male coworker behind my back. What should I do?** **Originally posted to r/AskWomenOver30** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Sexism!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/s/0KxSCeHuKl) Apr 12, 2023** I’ve been with my company working on a specific account for over two years. For the past year, I’ve been leading a small team of myself and one other employee working on said account. We had a third team member but they didn’t work out so I’ve been doing the work of two people while also supervising my coworker. Recently we learned that our company would no longer be handling this account. My boss took me aside a couple weeks ago and told me verbatim that since this account was going away, he was giving me the choice to choose between two other accounts to work on because I am the senior employee and he appreciates all the hard work I put in over the past year so he wants to give me the first choice. It’s important to mention that one of the accounts he was letting me choose to work on is our companies largest business. So it’s a big opportunity that would include some fun travel. He told me to take spring break week to think about it and let him know when I return which one I’d like to work on. Obviously I knew I was going to choose the larger account because I had previous experience working on it and I wanted the opportunity to advance. Today I get into the office and I meet with my boss to give him my decision and before I could speak, he informs me that he has given the large account to my male coworker (that I was supervising) and he is giving me the leftover account to work on. He also informed me my male coworker would be traveling to cover an event that was previously talked about me attending. I was given no reason and my boss acted like everything was good and almost like he was delivering me happy news? I was so shocked that I just froze and didn’t push back. Now, I am pretty self aware and am always working on improving. I am the first to admit if I did something wrong that warrants losing this opportunity. However, the more I think about it, the more confused I am. I lead my team through a really hard time and we did so well. I’ve never missed a deadline. I work so hard! My boss even gave me an award a few months ago. I also know it’s not about my work because he recently presented something I did to the whole company because he liked it so much. My male coworker is a really nice guy but he does the bare minimum and needs a lot of hand holding. When I have asked him for help in the past, he needed so much hand holding that I basically ended up doing the work I asked him to help me with. Last week when I was out on vacation, he texted me every day asking me to send him files or ask questions he could have figured out on his own. I have stepped up a million times to help take on last minute projects because he gets easily stressed and cannot multi task. So I’m not using this as an excuse to blame me being a bad worker on gender inequality. This is really the first time this has happened to me and it sucks. It feels out of my control. It just doesn’t add up at all. How do I address this going forward? I doubt my boss would give me an honest answer if I asked him about it. Yet, this is souring me big time on the company. I feel very used. ETA- I am a mother and can’t attend all the after work social hours, while my male coworker does. My boss and coworker are also buddies and have hung out outside of work. Also, I have to work from home occasionally because I’m a mom and my kid gets sick. He’s a single dude with no kids so he’s in office rain or shine. Is that it? Is it me? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/s/U2zKHemBGV) **Apr 16, 2023** I just met with my boss and wanted to provide an update on how the situation was handled and what was said. I approached the conversation by reminding him of the meeting we had prior to my vacation where he offered me the choice between two accounts and told me to take my week off to think about it and we would discuss when I returned. I expressed to him that I was caught off guard when I returned to find out the larger account that I was offered was given to coworker (CW) who is technically underneath me in seniority. I told him I was just trying to gain clarity on the situation and understand why that choice was made so I could in good faith move forward and not harbor any uncomfortable feelings or to feel like I had done something to warrant this opportunity being taken away from me (essentially). Right away, he acted like he never remembers the conversation (where he offered me the choice) ever happening. I had a strong feeling he would try and say he didn’t remember, but I did not back down and insisted that it indeed happened. I am no liar, he knows that. He then acted like him giving the account to CW wasn’t that big of a deal, and he claims the reason he gave CW the brand because my CW was chosen to travel to the big event in May (attached to this account). I asked him why CW was chosen for that opportunity? He got really flustered when I asked this…He fumbled his words and finally said “well because CW has experience covering live events” This is a ridiculous excuse. First and foremost, I ALSO HAVE EXPERIENCE COVERING LIVE EVENTS. In fact, I have MORE experience than CW when it comes to this area. After he said it, he immediately regretted it because I was deadpan. He then says, “Do you also have experience with live events?” He knows the answer unless he’s just ignored every conversation I have ever had with him. Even if he didn’t remember, he can deduce this from my work history that was in my resume, but alas, I have talked about said experience a million times. He knows, but pretends he doesn’t. So I just responded to his question with “yes, I have extensive experience.” He replied “Well I didn’t know that” He did know it. But let’s just play devils advocate and pretend that he really does have amnesia and can’t remember. Why would he not ask around if anyone else has experience? It just feels like such a stupid answer. I asked him if CW wanted this brand? He said CW never asked for it, but was excited when he was offered the travel opportunity so that’s what made him excited too about having the account. So my CW doesn’t even care to have the account, he just wants to travel. Either way, I was given a load of word salad in an attempt to placate me and keep me on the team. He kept telling me how amazing of an employee I am, how much he appreciates all of my hard work and reiterated over and over that I have done absolutely nothing wrong in the time I have been here. I asked about the social aspect and reiterated to him that can be hard for me, and he again insisted that the company cares more about the work you create than the social stuff. After I left the meeting, I learned that all of the men on our overall team are going to the event. Im not pointing this out to imply sexism (heaven forbid a woman does that and she gets harassed by a bunch of dudes on here) Im pointing it out because my boss is one of 3 men on the team. So it’s obvious this all boils down to him preferring to travel with another guy. I get it. I’m not trying to travel with a bunch of dudes either, but the fact that he thought that it would be okay to remove an entire account he promised me solely because he prefers to travel with other men, is a joke. Also, about 20 min after our meeting, I walked in on CW and boss having a private conversation in the hallway that seemed to end when I walked out. Maybe Im being paranoid, but what would you all think of that? If you can’t tell by the tone I am writing this update with, I am done. Sure, his response went better than it could have (he could have just straight up told me a bunch of mean stuff or that I sucked) , but it made me realize that I am not valued or even a consideration to this company at all. They have used me to handle an extremely difficult account, bled me dry, and now when said account no longer needs our help, they seem to no longer need mine either. Going forward, I will no longer be assisting my male coworker and am currently looking for new opportunities in a place that will appreciate my work ethic and my talents. I also know I made a lot of mistakes throughout this whole process and have learned a hard lesson. However, I will say, these games in corporate are not okay or fair to everyone. It’s sad to think how many of these companies lose out on hard working, loyal employees because they can’t participate in silly little social games. Im going to go try and not let the rest of my day be ruined by anger, but it’s going to be difficult. Wish me luck, and thanks for all the helpful advice I received on here.I don’t know how else to proceed from here other than just pound the pavement looking for jobs until I find something new and can get out of here. In the meantime, I will be doing the bare minimum and nothing more. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **holliday_doc_1995** >Op do you have any updates? **OOP replied** >>Ish. My boss knows I’m mad and is trying to placate me by now offering a different account that currently belongs to another coworker. I suspect the other coworker has no idea said brand is being offered to someone else and I know for a fact they would be very upset to find out. I’m trying to get out as fast as I can. Boss got himself into a big pickle and is trying to dig his way out. I think he knows he crossed a line because I’ve really just been doing the bare min and nothing more. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

An opportunity I was offered at work was given to my male coworker behind my back. What should I do?

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17iuvlz/an_opportunity_i_was_offered_at_work_was_given_to/

17iuw2z

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Educational-Pool2412 **AITA for not "honoring" my cousin's rules with his kids.** **Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/relationship_advice** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!homophobia, ableism, Controlling behavior, financial abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/btW7k59EPF)  **July 11, 2023** Throwaway and fake names, I (28M) and my Fiancé (29F) bought a house a few months ago and just recently finished fixing it up. My cousin "Mike" and his wife, "Dee"(44M & F) along with their three boys (14,10, and 5) ended up visiting us over the weekend. They were having a 4th of July trip but were forced to stop midway on their return due to car troubles. So they stayed with us during the weekend and were also curious to see the new house. Me and my Fiancé welcomed them in and helped them settle in. Dee was exhausted and pretty much slept through the visit and Mike spent most of his time with the mechanic so it was just me and my Fiancé handing the boys for the majority of their visit and they gave us rules regarding what to expose their kids to. Some context, Mike and Dee are extremely strict. They won't let their kids watch or play pretty much anything unless it family friendly and even then should be taken with a grain of salt. They are not allowed to have friends because they can "poison" the boys. They want the best education for their kids so they homeschool all three of them, But at the same time they let their kids play on tablets at all hours, effectively making them screen zombies. The rules they gave us was pretty much, don't let them out of your sight and don't show them any violence in movies and TV shows. I can not stress out how much he said to not show violence and made it clear there was to be no cartoon violence as well. After making food for them, they began to get restless and all three of their tablets died and they didn't bring any chargers (they were kids tablets with their own specific adapter so no USB based cord would work). Wasn't sure what to do, all the video games I had had some violence in it so I just shifted through the TV channels to see what they could possibly watch and thought they could watch SpongeBob SquarePants. The episode in question didn't have any violence and they enjoyed it but their dad didn't feel the same way. Mike got mad at me and started yelling to don't let their kids watch SpongeBob because "That show will make them (insert R word) and turn them into (insert homophobic slurs)." He was really mad and everyone else just felt like shit afterwards. They left this morning and now I getting texts and calls from the whole family saying I'm disrespectful and an AH. Am I? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** [Update 1 - My (28M) cousin (44M) wants to apologize to me for getting super mad at me over 4th of July and wants me to tell the rest of his family that everything is fine. I really don't want to.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/cAkN5BsQSW)  **Oct 18, 2023** So a few months ago I made a throwaway that detailed what happened between me (28M) and my cousin "Mike"(44M) over 4th of July weekend. I ended up deleting that account out of frustration cause when I tried to update it, the mods of that particular sub shot it down, multiple times. Back story: My cousin and his wife "Dee" along with their three boys(14,10,5) visited me and my Fiancé "Bee"(29F) over 4th of July weekend. They had car troubles and were forced to stop over. They are extremely strict parents who won't let their kids do anything basically. But it was up to me and Bee to take care of them because Dee slept during the whole visit and Mike want to stay with the car at all times. I put SpongeBob SquarePants for them to watch and Mike got very angry throwing intellectual insults and homophobic slurs for letting his kids watch it. Well he lied to the whole family as to why he was angry at me when they all called to insult me. The oldest ended up telling his grandfather, Mike's dad, my uncle (67M) what really happened and he apparently his blew up on him. He was pissed that Mike was willing to start so much familial drama over a kids show and so as a result, my uncle cut them off. You see Mike and Dee have always had financial difficulties from things that weren't their fault and things that absolutely were their fault. They always depended on my Uncle's money but now things are worse. Mike called me to apologize just a few days ago and wanted me tell the whole family that we are friends again so that there won't be any hostility at thanksgiving and well probably to get his fathers money again. Thing is I don't want to, he literally sic'ed the whole family on me over some dumb TV show and some of them still don't know the truth. Besides what gonna stop him from doing it again. The only thing that stopped me from out right saying no was his boys. I still want to be in their lives and the boys want me to be in their lives. I don't know what to do. How do I navigate this situation that ends with me and the boys still in contact? TLDR: I refused to accept my cousins apology over a trivial issue but I still want to be in his kids' lives. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **HoshiJones** >I'm sorry, what a mess. I honestly don't see a way forward for you to stay in the kids' lives, without doing as he asks. **OOP replied** >>I'm honestly considering just talking to my uncle about this whole mess. Mike will do exactly as he says weather or not he gets money out of it. As an adult, Mike does still both fears and respects him. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/10y6sWzk32)  **Oct 22, 2023** The update: I did end up talking with my uncle yesterday morning and told him what happened with Mike. Turns out the apology was something that my uncle demanded for Mike to do but when I told him about how he wanted me to tell the rest of the family about it he realized he had no intention of genuinely apologizing. He told me he would talk to Mike about this and also told me to not worry about him keeping his kids away from me, he knows that they are very fond of me. Well Mike called me this morning and apologized yet again, apparently he didn't make himself clear enough and I took things out of context. What he meant was that he didn't want the story to be brought up again (I don't believe that at all). He just sounded defeated on the phone call so I guess his dad yelled at him some more or something. I don't think there will be any more updates and hopefully this whole trivial issue over SpongeBob will be over. TLDR: Talked to my uncle, cousin apologized again and is not asking me of anything any more. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **LaSorbun** >No sunk cost fallacy here. 1st cousins only share about 12.5% DNA. I'm glad you're not feeling like you're losing a lot here, because you're not. **OOP replied** >>Sucks, used to be so much closer when we were younger but I guess spending too much time with his wife and in-laws and just life in general broke him. Don't really feel sorry about that anymore. * **TheActualAWdeV** >man, your cousin sounds like a real gem. An abusive authoritarian but he's also a mooching manchild. Amazing. >Why did the rest of your family even buy his bullshit? **OOP replied** >>It's because he rarely gets mad over anything. Equally though why would they think I would show his kids extremely graphic stuff? Honestly they are all not that much different **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for not "honoring" my cousin's rules with his kids.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17iuw2z/aita_for_not_honoring_my_cousins_rules_with_his/

17iuwic

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/nodaysoff262 **First year coaching HS football, disrespectful players.** **Originally posted to r/footballstrategy** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional and verbal abuse, harassment, sexual harassment!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/footballstrategy/s/PBRzX5cEpv) **Aug 31, 2023** I'm in my first year coaching at a small high school for the varsity squad. I'm an assistant helping with skill players. I'm quite young (24) compared to the rest of the staff. I'm dealing with a lot of problems with some of the kids. There are two boys on the team who talent-wise are good, but their attitudes are horrible. These players are starters yet they don't hustle during practice, they screw around and don't even try because they are given playing time anyway by the head coach. The tipping point was this past week. During a drill, these players cursed at me and told me to "go f**k myself" After I told them to stop messing around during my drills, I didn't yell or curse or anything, I simply told them to stop messing around and listen to me, I told them to leave the field, These players proceeded to slam their helmets on the ground and throw a tantrum on the sideline. (These are 16/17 year olds mind you). The head coach saw this and put them back in, telling me "Take a softer approach." At another point, these same players refused to participate in a blocking drill I put together. I was told by one of them, during the drill, "Your drills suck, try and find something that actually works." These kids are not doing the drills I put together and when they do, they are not trying and bringing any intensity. I'm talking walking through, helmets unstrapped, mouthpieces out. I complained about it to the head coach after practice, and he is doing absolutely nothing about it. He told me "Sometimes you have to look the other way on things for the best of the team." He is still giving these kids playing time and will not take them out despite their disrespectful behavior. Cursing at a coach in my opinion is unacceptable. Going to the athletic director is not an option, as he is also the head coach I'm dealing with here. I've also been told I can't make them run or do drills like up-downs because "that is too hard on them." I cannot understand what the issue with these kids is. I'm a teacher in the district (elementary school) and I don't yell or scream at the kids, It has been this way since day one and truthfully I am tired of the disrespect. I get they are kids but allowing them to curse and disrespect a coach and letting them play without discipline does not seem right. What do you all think my best course of action is here? ​ EDIT: Thank you all for the great feedback! I appreciate it so much. My drills are not anything fancy, but they are simple enough to follow while still challenging the kids and teaching them what they need to know (stalk blocks, route tree review, screen passes, etc). I'd be lying if I said this whole situation wasn't wearing me down. This post has definitely given me the confidence to know that this situation is not the norm. I do not plan to work with these kids and have informed the head coach going forward I refuse to work with them going forward. He continues not to budge and insists this is just normal behavior from these boys. "They're a handful, this is what kids do". Despite wanting to quit, I am going to stick it out for the year and resign at the season's end as I like to finish what I started. I'm very disappointed in how things have gone but this is just how it is I suppose. Thanks again everybody! [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/footballstrategy/s/PYW6Eygp2o) **Oct 22, 2023** Hello everybody! A couple of months ago, I posted here regarding a situation I was dealing with as a first-year assistant football coach. I read each post in there and I appreciate all the advice. For those who didn't see the original post, I was a new assistant coach on the team, and I had been dealing with 2 players who told me to "go f**k myself" and refused to do drills. The head coach did nothing. I decided after posting and consulting with my family and friends, that I would do my best to finish the season and focus on the other kids as I don't like to quit and try to finish what I start. Unfortunately, it did not work out that way. I decided to not focus on the kids who disrespected me and just went on with practice as usual. The next week after the incident, DURING the first game of the year, one of the players who had cursed me out was in the game, and he made a tackle and started taunting a kid, I couldn't hold my tongue here so I yelled out to him "Do not taunt!". He proceeded to wave me off and continued to taunt the opposing players. I saw red and had enough. He blatantly disrespected me during a game and did not listen. When he got back to the sideline, I went over to him and told him he will not blow me off and he will show me respect, he turned around, looked me in the face, and said "It's a contact sport bro, f**k off." That was it for me, I yelled at him and said "I am not your bro or your friend, I am your coach and you have absolutely zero respect for anyone but yourself, do not speak to me like that again." For the rest of the game, I was fighting back tears, I didn't even bother to coach up the other players, because I could not bring myself to do it. The HC came over at halftime and asked me what was wrong. I explained to him that the kid cursed at me and disrespected me again and that I was tired of it. He told me this wasn't the time or place and that we would discuss it on Monday. The kid continued to play and I was mute. We rode the bus back and my mind was made up. I was done. I called the HC the next day and told him I was done. HC said he was shocked, but that leaving the team was not a good option and felt like other avenues should be explored before I decided to walk away. I told him he needed to bench this player at a minimum and that considering that I was a coach, he shouldn't even be allowed to play or be a part of the team. He disagreed with me, stating "You're young this is what kids do." and "If I bench him, what will the other kids say? How does that look?" He said he would give him extra conditioning that Monday but he refused to bench or remove him from the team. His concessions were to either move positions for me to coach or to call the kid's parents, but my mind was made up, I was done and told him the kid didn't deserve to play and that I refused to be a part of a culture that allows that kind of behavior. All is done, right? Not even close. A couple of days later, I woke up to several text messages from friends and peers in the district. The team has a group chat on Snapchat and this kid searched for me and my fiance on Facebook (I have zero social media outside of Reddit) and screenshotted her profile picture (it was of her and I) and he sent it to the group saying "I f*cked coach dipshits bitch and made her scream my name." This came to light because one of the players screenshotted the group chat because he felt like it was wrong of him to say that and showed it to his older brother, who sent it to a mutual friend of ours who sent it to me (perks of a small town lol) to let me know what was going on. I was beyond furious and had enough. Sure, the photo is public and they can access it, but how they even found my fiance I have no clue, as they didn't even know her name. I left the team and did NOTHING to this kid, why was he making sexually charged comments and disparaging remarks? I called the head coach and laid into him, I told him that his culture was a joke and he was doing nothing to support me, a coach AND a coworker. I told him that I was going to the superintendent and would be filing a harassment complaint with the sheriff's office. He told me "you need to let it go, kids will be kids and say things like that, you're not their coach anymore, so why do you care?" I filed a complaint with the super, and ended up meeting with the school principal and the assistant AD (HC is AD so he can't handle the complaint because its a "conflict of interest". The meeting was a joke, they called the kid in, and for the whole meeting they talked about how it didn't spread and that the student apologized to them and took full responsibility and a punishment was given, although they refused to tell me the punishment. They also told me they were scared that the player was gonna quit. They were defending this kid! I told them I did not care if he quit, that this goes beyond coaching, that my girlfriend was sexually harassed, and that I would indeed be filing a complaint with the sheriff's office. They told me they understood and felt like another issue would likely not happen as the kid seemed apologetic. I left the meetings and immediately filed a report, the sheriffs told me that the incident was documented and that if another issue took place, this incident would be on record. I later found out that the kid was benched for one game and was forced to apologize to the team for his actions. I don't expect a fake apology, but I do find it funny how he apologized to everyone except me and my fiance. The kid was not remorseful, he was sorry he got caught. They also began harassing the kid who screenshotted the messages and showed his brother, calling him a rat and snitch. So there is my short tenure as a Varsity assistant football coach. I did not want to quit, but this was an unsalvageable situation. To date, over a month later, I have not heard from the superintendent. No issues have taken place since. I still can't believe this has happened but life WILL go on. What are your thoughts? Did I do the right thing? **RELEVANT COMMENT/ADDITIONAL COMMENT FROM OOP** **NILPonziScheme** >>I saw red and had enough. >>For the rest of the game, I was fighting back tears, I didn't even bother to coach up the other players, because I could not bring myself to do it. >You are not emotionally stable enough to be a coach. No question, this kid is a total dipshit, no question the head coach/athletic director handled this whole situation poorly, but if one player disrespecting you makes you cry on the sideline for the rest of the game, you're not made for this game. >Normally I'd call someone out for quitting after one game, because you're essentially throwing a tantrum after not getting your way, but in this instance, it was the correct decision. You're not emotionally mature enough to handle working with kids, especially high school kids. They challenge your authority a little, and you completely fell apart. That's on you. >>I left the team and did NOTHING to this kid, why was he making sexually charged comments and disparaging remarks? >Because he's entitled, he's enabled by the head coach and administration, and that entitlement makes him a bully without fear of consequences. He knows he has nothing to fear from you, because he's protected by the head coach/administration. Bonus is that if you found out, he knew you'd melt down, because that is what you did during the first game. Your reaction played right into his hands. >Does this district have an online bullying policy? I'd be pursuing that angle to the fullest. >I'm curious why everyone is protecting this kid? Is he a star player? Is he being recruited? If he's being recruited, I'd make sure to contact every school pursuing him and let them know about this incident. Let them know they're buying trouble. **OOP replied** >>I have to be honest, I've read your response at least 15 times and I've been trying to think of how to properly respond, I don't want to come off hostile or rude but I want to explain why I disagree with you. >>The emotional and mental stability you talk about me lacking is not true. I'm a teacher in the elementary school in special education, I work in a self-contained classroom with 9 children from grades K to 2, and believe me, I deal with disrespect and challenges of my authority daily. (I get chairs kicked, spit hurled my way, claw and bite marks, and swearing.) I write IEPS and 504s that make up an entire child's academic future and what is best for them. I am certainly fit to work with children and I question why you believe that is not true. >>I did not cry on the sidelines or fall apart, I said that I held back tears and that was out of pure frustration. This was the second incident with this kid and by this point, I felt as if I had zero support from anyone, the coaches, the administration, and the players. I was completely frustrated and felt beyond helpless and alone. I raised my voice at him after he ignored me and cursed at me again. He is not a little kid, he is a 16-year-old junior in high school, and he knows exactly what he is doing. Just because I called him out for his attitude and behavior and got frustrated, that does not mean I am not "fit for this game." >>I did not "meltdown", I did not "throw a tantrum for not getting my way." I was not trying to be a badass and act all tough. This kid was pacified by everybody and I was not going to allow him to speak to me that way and out of respect for myself, I chose to defend myself and let him know that I am not going to take disrespect from anybody, let alone some punk kid. >>I ABSOLUTELY deserve respect, not because I'm a coach, but because I am a human being, and it is common decency to not curse at other people just because you don't like them. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

First year coaching HS football, disrespectful players

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17iuwic/first_year_coaching_hs_football_disrespectful/

17ix7xj

I am not the OP of this post. The OOP is u/throwradesigner2, and both the original and update were trending near the top of r/TwoHotTakes as a personal write-in Trigger Warning: >!pedophilia!< **October 20th, 2023**: [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17cmcd5/mym18_dadsm51_friend_at_church_revealed/) My dad often asks me to go to something our church calls a men's fellowship once a month, and they basically serve food and have worship and a sermon. It's in a conference room where men are seated together by table, and some dads bring their sons too. My dad started taking me when I was 13ish (we usually sit with some guys he knows), and I've grown farther from the religion as I've aged. But since it's something that we used to always do, I go for the free food and mostly remain silent and will stop attending church upon going to college (I sparingly attend Sundays now). But, something happened last Saturday that's bothered me and caused a riff between us During the time where each table is given time to pray for each other's prayer requests, one guy mentioned a porn addiction at our table when we went around. However, when talking about how he tries to fight temptation, he said he purchased a dance belt (something I never heard of until he explained how it worked when someone asked) to wear at his daughter's dance recitals/practices because he struggles with the "sexual nature" of the costumes, but he didn't tell his wife because he didn't want to ruin dance for his daughter. He also said he used to masturbate to young female dancers/gymnasts growing up because he thought it was better than porn "because they were clothed", and he said his parents raised him on purity too. He also said he sometimes still masturbates to underaged dancers/gymnasts as an adult, but that he couldn't go to a therapist because of the subject matter, and he had wanted prayer for awhile. However, it really bothered me that he had to wear a dance belt, and it led to an argument with dad on the ride home Dad disagreed when I said that something like that should be mentioned to his wife and possibly the police because it reeks of pedophilia, but he disagreed and said it was confidential to the table because it was a prayer request, and he said that prayer was the only action needed. He also said it'd be "out of place" for someone my age to bring it up and that I'd be punished if I did when I said I was considering it. Mom also agreed with Dad and told me to mind my own business too, but I'm bothered by the thought of someone like him around kids and his own child (who's in middle school) with temptation that requires him to wear a dance belt, and I'm strongly considering taking action about it. I just want to ask what's the most effective way to deal with something like this, like if it'd be best to go to the police or another source to report it. I also considered telling his wife, but I'm not sure if that's the best course because it'd most likely be at church. I could also try to find out what studio his daughter attends to warn them, but I'm open to any suggestions from those who might've dealt with something similar *edit: He said he couldn't bring it to a therapist at the fellowship because he wanted prayer instead. I'm all for helping him, but it sadly doesn't seem like therapy would be something he's open to, and he said he didn't want his wife to find out for their daughter too and ruining her sport. He also blamed purity and said that it made him look to things that weren't sexual to masturbate to because of the guilt purity gave him and how he felt it was better than porn too* **October 22nd, 2023**: [Update Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17dnx30/update_mym18_dadsm51_friend_at_church_revealed/) Before going into the update, I wanted to provide what a "dance belt" was (the thing Greg stated he wore to his daughter's dance recitals/practice to control himself) for those who didn't know as I only learned recently, and the definition comes from here ([http://www.dancebelt.info/17165091C1D94631B10E/the-complete-guide-to-dance.html#:\~:text=Genital%20protection%20and%20support%20are,that%20goes%20between%20the%20buttocks](http://www.dancebelt.info/17165091C1D94631B10E/the-complete-guide-to-dance.html#:~:text=Genital%20protection%20and%20support%20are,that%20goes%20between%20the%20buttocks) ***"Dance belts were created to form a smooth idealized male bulge under tights with no visible lines, while keeping the genitals safely and securely held up and away from the danger of being crushed or bruised between your legs. A secondary benefit is their ability to hide any visible evidence of a spontaneous erection, which could be extremely embarrassing in class or on stage. Although you’ve probably never worn anything else even half as tight as a dance belt, a well fitting one can actually be quite comfortable once you get used to the unusual feel. Dancers like the security of knowing their testicles aren’t going to get trapped and crushed between their thighs"*** A lot of the advice I received recommended going to the FBI over the police in case any cops happened to attend our church, and some also suggested contacting CPS since the man (who we'll call Greg from now on) has an underage daughter. Some also said to not expect CPS to do much because they often don't do much in cases with little proof, but that it was good to get a paper trail in case things escalate. Some also suggested calling a relative to get some real life advice from an adult, and I decided to do so on Saturday after getting a lot of advice from my post on Friday. I decided on calling my grandpa, and we ended up talking for well over an hour as he had a lot to say including things I hadn't thought of. He also laid out a plan of what he would've done if he were at that table, and I'll explain what that was too First and foremost, he said he was very disappointed in my dad after hearing everything, and I want to add that grandpa isn't religious and didn't raise my dad religious. My dad became a Christian as an adult, and we go to a Pentecostal church. Grandpa said that dad was "setting a terrible example of what a responsible man should be". And when I told him that dad said it was "none of our business besides to pray", he said it "became his business when Greg admitted to pedophilia" which he said was described as "sexual attraction directed towards children" that he admitted by disclosing how he masturbates to underaged dancers/gymnasts. He also said that dad (along with the other men, but he doesn't know them) had an "obligation to be the adult that Greg refused to be for the sake of his wife and especially his daughter" because Greg was being "immature and selfish" by refusing to get therapy and asking the table to not tell his wife. He also said he didn't believe Greg was serious about changing because he refused therapy and didn't remove himself from the situation (dance studio), and he thinks he brought it up to rationalize continuing in his brain (along with the dance belt Greg stated he wore to his daughter's dance recitals/practice which he might've rationalized was his "change") When I asked what he meant by rationalizing, he said that Greg rationalized that masturbating to underage dancers/gymnasts was "better than porn" as he stated at the table, and Grandpa said that purity culture was partly to blame (though not completely to absolve Greg from his ways). He said purity culture suppressed a lot of natural/healthy sexual growth for teens. And in Greg's case, guilted him/taught that porn was bad which made Greg look to non-sexual sources to find sexual gratification, and that's how he probably began masturbating to underaged dancers/gymnasts in his teens and never stopped upon becoming an adult. He also said that men are often overlooked when discussing the harms of purity culture. But that it, in this case, helped direct Greg towards non-sexual sources (dance/gymnastics) to lust after instead of porn that is often done by consenting actors/actresses. So when it came to what dad should've done, he laid out a plan of what he thought was best **1. First**, he said that pedophiles work in secrecy, so the first thing he would've done was tell Greg (if Grandpa was at the table) that he was "obligated as a father to tell his wife for his own good and the safety of his family/daughter" regardless of if it made him upset because his daughter participated in the sport that made him wear a dance belt because he struggles to control himself\* **2. Second**, he would talk to his wife (with Greg hopefully present) about arranging a network of other women (including Dad's wife and potentially, but unlikely, wives of the other men at the table) to drive his daughter to dance in the event Greg's wife couldn't take her because Greg shouldn't be there under any circumstances currently\* **3. Third**, he would've told him that he has limited time (maybe 2ish weeks as someone suggested) to find a therapist after previously disclosing everything to his wife in step one. And, if need be, to ask for assistance in finding one. But if he refused, he would take it to the authorities because he wasn't serious about change\* **4. And fourth**, he would've gone with Greg to tell the pastor to prevent Greg from being around other kids in the church even if it meant not attending for some time. However, he was also hesitant of the last step due to the nature of churches covering for their own and trying to convince my dad of not going to the authorities, so he was a bit torn on the last one\* When we were almost done our call, grandpa said he was hesitant to try and talk sense into dad because he "knew how he was" and didn't think he would listen due to previous disagreements. But when he said that that could also get me into trouble for telling him, I suggested that he try to give dad a chance even though it seemed slim because I had no pull do enact grandpa's plan as a kid to hold him accountable. However, in the event that dad refused, grandpa said I could drive to his place to send a report to the FBI along with CPS with his help, and we picked a day for next week on the phone. So grandma called dad shortly after we spoke, and long story short, dad was upset that I vented to Grandpa and said that grandpa "didn't understand". He also said it's "disrespectful to go to another parent/adult when one already spoke. So after dad finished talking to me, I called Grandpa back to basically confirm going to his place because I wouldn't be able to convince Greg myself as a kid (along with not having any pull with Dad's other friends at the table), and Grandpa said he lost a lot of respect for dad because dad yelled at Grandpa about "providing worldly advice" and "going over Dad's head". I really appreciate all the advice and links to CPS/FBI that I'll use in-person with Grandpa, and I'm sorry that this post came out so long too *edit: also, the people at the table were generally dad's friends, so Greg is one of dad's friends at church* *Grandpa also said that purity culture "created a pedophile" in this case by guilting natural sexual feelings/puberty as something sinful during Greg's upbringing, guilting him into thinking that porn is bad when it often has consenting actors/actresses, thus making him turn to non-sexual things such as dancers/gymnasts for sexual gratification instead. He didn't say it was all on purity, but that purity was likely the thing that kickstarted it* \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Additional Comments **(Zealousideal\_Bag2493)** "You have no ethical duty to keep what is discussed in this setting private. You are not his therapist, his doctor, or his lawyer. If people say they have pedophile problems, you don’t owe them secrecy. OTOH, you don’t have reportable actions. What if you wrote down what you remembered and reported it? How’s your dad going to know it was you? You don’t owe your dad information about whether you report. Also, if pedo guy cared about kids being safe, he would get help. He cares more about keeping himself safe" **(PurpleFucksSeverely)** "I googled it and apparently dance belts not only flatten bulges but also help in preventing erections cus the tightness can make it hard for the penis to get properly erect. I don’t have a dick so no idea how true that info is but still really fucked up that the father feels the need to wear one of those belts to be able to attend middle school recitals" **(Parking\_Ride222)** "You did the right thing. This Internet stranger is so proud of your integrity. It may not be apparent right now but you putting yourself at odds with your parents to protect others from a predator reveals your strong and good heart. It's going to be hard and you're going to get pushback but you are absolutely doing the right thing by talking to your Grandfather and I'm glad he has your back A word of advice: when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Your father had just revealed who he is and that is someone who is willing to allow children to be put in harm's way for the sake of his comfort. Others health, safety, and security don't matter as much to him as his comfort. That's very telling. Additionally, the fact that he's trying to shut you down means potentially two things: one, that he is NOT a safe person for you to be yourself with as he wants blind obedience, not genuine connection, and two: ask yourself why your father is staunchly defending a stranger's pedophilic nature. I'm not sure it proves anything but ask yourself why you and your grandfather (and grandmother) were instantly able to recognize how wrong this is and how disgusted you were, and how your father wasn't. Food for thought. Hang in there and stay strong. You've got this" **(MeghArlot)** "Your grandpa is completely right! He is also someone you should continue to go to for things like this because clearly he can be trusted. Especially because he even gave your dad a chance to tell his side in an attempt to be fair to you both As a parent I find it disturbing as hell that your dad said not to go to another trusted adult because he’d already “spoken” on the matter. That’s exactly how sexual abuse run rampant in these cultures! I would at this point be very concerned my dad shared “Greg’s” appetite for illegal and immoral sexual fantasies. It sounds like he’s “protecting his own” interests rather than his children"

My(m18) dad's(m51) friend at church wears a "dance belt" to control himself at his daughter's dance class, but dad doesn't want me to tell anyone

ONGOING

throwra2982

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ix7xj/mym18_dadsm51_friend_at_church_wears_a_dance_belt/

17jd1lk

**I am OOP. Original post by** u/Leopold-Gaming-TTV **in** r/legaladvice &#x200B; trigger warnings: >!Rape Allegations!< &#x200B; [**Is it legal for my school to keep me in ISS (In-School Suspension) for Long Periods Of Time?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/tivg29/is_it_legal_for_my_school_to_keep_me_in_iss/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- March 20th, 2022 So first of I live in New York State and I'm in high school, so basically I missed 2 days of school (March 10, 11) for personal reasons. I come back to school the following Monday and the social worker tells me I'm in ISS. So at this point, I'm confused I haven't been in school for 2 days and haven't done anything wrong before those 2 days, so I go to ISS sit down and just do nothing social worker comes by and I ask her why I'm in ISS and she says she doesn't know only the principal knows. So I spend that whole day in ISS expecting it to be just a one-day thing. Next day the same thing goes down but I get the chance to ask the principle why I'm in ISS and he says "So basically the Police are doing an investigation and your name got brought up" and at this point my I'm completely confused I haven't done anything illegal to get investigated to be brought up in an investigation. Another day goes by I'm in ISS and at this point I'm shitting bricks because I just turned 17 and I can be processed as an adult now after this I come to school on Thursday thinking ok no one has been in ISS for more then 3 days hopefully i can go back to class and make up all the work I've missed NOPE I'm in ISS again so at this point fear gets washed over with anger and i demand to have another meeting with the principle and so we do and at this point i pressure him for more info and he does he tells me now that I'm the one being investigated by the police for a situation that happened with me and a female student and I'm being held in ISS because he has to make a safety plan for me and the other student and so i spend the rest of the week in ISS wondering what could have happened. I haven't done anything to/with a female student and here i am now writing this because its getting tiring being in ISS and i know I'm going to be in ISS next week too so I'm wondering if there's any legal actions i can take to get myself out of ISS because at this point my GPA is tanking and there's nothing i can do about it. &#x200B; [**Update To The Situation**](https://www.reddit.com/u/Leopold-Gaming-TTV/s/jJhw2iDy7g) - October 17th 2023 &#x200B; OK so im making this update a couple years after everything has concluded, like i said in the previous post i was put in In-School Suspension for 3 weeks in a row, I then find out the I'm being investigated for something but the school doesn't tell me for what they just tell me its for the safety of a student. That's when I make that previous post on r/LegalAdvice. A little info to help you understand this a little better i had a girlfriend in my freshmen year of highschool and we had a really nasty breakup it was to the point we were dropping nukes on each others lives and we have been at constant war with each other ever since, did i mention we go to the same high school yea that was fun. Names to keep track of (fake ofc): Jen - ex that reported me Rachel - crazy ex from freshmen year Me - Me Fast forward one more week of In-School Suspension my mom decides to just pull me from school because it's not accomplishing anything. fast forward another week my mom gets a call from a detective telling my mom whats going on and it turns out my ex Jen reported me on my birthday (I turned 17 March 10th) for raping her which was a total surprise to me and my mom (for me because we never got past the holding hands phase of the relationship before we broke up and for my mom because i never told her i had a girlfriend because like i said we didn't go far before breaking up). So at that point I'm shitting bricks because i hear so many stories of there being no proof of the assault happening and the male still getting charged and i just turned 17 so i can legally be charged as an adult now. I do some of my own investigative work asking around (from home) and it turns out my crazy ex Rachel (the one from freshmen year) and Jen spent a week together in a mental institution and were (and still are) very very close friends and from what i am hearing they started dating as soon as Jen and I broke up. I guess sometime from when they started dating and Jen reporting Rachel convinced Jen to report me for rape as one final act to completely blow up my life (I discovered all this in a span of one week). The following week after i found out all that info my mom calls me and tells me to get dressed nicely because the lead detective of the investigation is coming to ask me some questions. He comes and ask me the usual questions like do you know who this person is, do you know whats going on, and then He tells me what i was reported for and it turns out Jen told the detective I raped her in school. That right there is the only reason why I'm not behind bars because we didn't go to a normal high school we went to a much much much smaller high school (60 students max) based around smaller classroom sizes to help students who couldn't work good in big classrooms. There is 2 teachers in each classroom 2 teachers walking the halls 24/7 and all doors are constantly locked only can be opened by teachers. He then ask me is there anything i would like him to know so i tell him everything i know and he says he will investigate that further. Fast forward 2 more weeks of silence my mom gets a call from the detective telling her that the investigation is closed and I'm not being charged with anything. He also adds to be careful with the school because it seems that they are really out to get me (which my mom has been getting hints of through out the school year) so my mom is just like screw it pulls me from the school district entirely and has me apply for Job Corps fast forward to now where I'm back home and talk to some old friends and i remembered trying to make an update on here but it got deleted for not following guidelines, so i decided to make another one that does. feel free to ask in questions and ill try to answer them but guarantees since its been pretty much 2 years since the entire thing went down Edit : Sorry for not responding I didn’t get any notifications from reddit saying my post got approved and none from you guys commenting I’m going through now and answering all questions. Edit 2 : some more information, I went to an alternative school which whole purpose was to have smaller classroom sizes to help students focus better on their classwork not one for behavior issues at least not to me knowledge, the curriculum was the exact same as all the other high schools and to me knowledge there was or is a waiting list to get into the school And a time line for the people going through my Reddit history (which I’m not mad at people lie on Reddit all the time), my mom kicks me out at 15, I live with me aunt for about a year until she moves in with her current boyfriend which then leads me to moving in with my moms husband who she’s legally separated, she’s the one who arranged for me to move in with him, March 10th 2022 the allegation happens, June 12th 2022 I head off to job corps to get away from everything after everything has been dropped, sometime in February 2023 I get kicked out for being in a fight (got jumped for “being a narc”) which I then move in with my mom again because she doesn’t want me on the streets. I will continue to respond to all comments and questions. Edit 3 : said discord instead of Reddit in my first edit.

Is it legal for my school to keep me in ISS (In-School Suspension) for Long Periods Of Time?

CONCLUDED

Leopold-Gaming-TTV

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17jd1lk/is_it_legal_for_my_school_to_keep_me_in_iss/

17jj4ac

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/OkMarionberry6677 **in** r/AmItheAsshole mood spoilers: >!Incredulous stupidity!< &#x200B; [**WIBTA if I told my mom’s realtor the truth about her house?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/145r1t6/wibta_if_i_told_my_moms_realtor_the_truth_about/) \- June 10, 2023 I’ll try to keep it short. My(28f) mom(48f) has a history of selfish decisions but I feel like this is one of the bigger issues in my opinion. Her and her husband (we’ll call him Rick) are actively getting ready to move to Hawaii. None of us (her kids, family etc) think it’s a good idea. They’re both around 50, have worked minimum wage their entire lives, have absolutely no savings at all aside from a couple thousand they put away from income tax this year, and have absolutely no game plan. Not to mention I keep hearing about how Hawaii Natives do not want people moving there. And Rick is a self centered jerk who thinks he’s better than everyone and can see him going over there and looking down on others there and it just not going over very well. Now to the big issue. They just put their house on the market. And I found out they purposely didn’t disclose any of the issues with their house. Everyone was told to mind their own busines, it’s their house and they’ll “do whatever they want”. I think that’s severely messed up. There’s many “smaller” issues like the connected garage’s foundation is cracked all the way through, electrical problems/plugs that randomly overheat(?)/turn off, plumbing issues/leaky pipes. But the kicker is there is black mold all through the outer walls of both bedrooms and all through the floor in the kitchen. There are spots in the kitchen where if you step a certain way your foot will squish through what’s supposed to be a linoleum floor. I know how toxic black mold is and I’ve heard about how ridiculously hard and expensive it is to get rid of it and how damaging it is to the property. Well my mom and Rick are aware that if it’s known that they have black mold it’ll drastically lower the price they’ll get for the house and a bank may not even finance a loan for whoever would want to buy it, or they’ll have to pay out of pocket to fix it themselves before relisting the house. As I said they work minimum wage and have no savings so they can’t afford to get rid of the mold, so they plan to clean up the walls in the bedrooms so that you can’t see the mold and pray to god the inspector doesn’t find the mold in the kitchen floor, and scam whoever is buying the house into buying a toxic black mold infested house. I think that’s severely messed up and I know it’s not really my business but this just adds to the many problems I have with that mother of mine and I really want to call the realtor in charge of their listing and tell them about the problems in that house. I want to make sure she can’t take advantage of some poor person trying to buy her toxic house. So WIBTA if I called her realtor and let them know what’s wrong with the house so that whoever buys it isn’t blindsided? [UPDATE to WIBTA if I told my mom’s realtor the truth about her house](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/15d9ayi/update_to_wibta_if_i_told_my_moms_realtor_the/) \- July 30, 2023 This is a loose update but also a huge facepalm. Small update: Realtor did find out issues. Some of the price got knocked off and they did find a buyer for the house. Now for facepalm: My mom and her husband Rick (fake name) are trying to move to Hawaii. It’s already blowing up in their faces though. My mom and I don’t talk for many reasons but before I cut off contact, I had been trying to help her plan out their move better because her and her husband had 2 mortgages on their house and minimum wage jobs with no savings whatsoever so I was worried that if they didn’t wait a few years and save that they would have problems. My mom would tell me I was jealous of her and just trying to “keep her here” and that I’m negative and don’t know what I’m talking about. Fast forward to now, they didn’t plan this out at all. They both quit their jobs already and have already gone through most of their last paycheck/garage sale money. They’re supposed to be moved out of their house by the 31st so they can start closing, but they have nowhere to go.. they were originally going to go camping for a little bit, but now they can’t. They had originally rented a storage unit to store their stuff while they went over and found a house (that’s right, they didn’t even secure an apartment or house before selling their house, they also haven’t even bought plane tickets lmao. They didn’t plan anything at all) but anyways, they ended up taking their stuff out of storage and paying for a pod to put their stuff in to send to Seattle so they could ship their stuff over now (again, they don’t have a home yet) Well, because they haven’t closed yet, because they haven’t moved out yet, they haven’t gotten the house money yet, and won’t until after they move out and close. Well they now don’t have enough money to ship the pod to Seattle. So according to my step dad (not Rick, I am close with my step dad, he’s my half sister’s dad) my mom told him that she’s not leaving the house until she gets the money and can ship the pod… only, they can’t close until they move out.. idk what she’s thinking. Oh, also for extra ridiculous info…they haven’t even looked for new jobs over there yet. They’re going over there blind with no job, no house lined up, and all their stuff.. They also were going to try to sneak their cat and dog over so they didn’t have to quarantine them. I just don’t get it. &#x200B; [NEW UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/15d9ayi/comment/k71w8kr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in response to comment asking if the parents have moved yet: Yes they did! From what I’ve heard they’re living like they’re rich with no regard for the future. Both of them got minimum wage jobs (tho my mom has a habit of calling out frequently which her old job let her do because she’d been there so long, and she’s already started doing that with the new job so idk how long she’ll have one for) doing cleaning at some local college, according to my sister. She’s over there visiting right now. But they spent nearly $15,000 buying brand new furniture (just a couch, bed and dining room table). They haven’t got a car yet because my mom’s husband refuses to get one unless it’s a specific BRAND NEW truck 🤦🏻‍♀️ because he’s too good for a used car (he told my step dad “you’re not going to see me driving a used car”). They’re renting out a $2500+ 1 bedroom apartment. And they keep going out every weekend going on cruises and sightseeing like tourists lol But they’re…..almost out of money already 💀 I don’t see this going well. They struggled here in WA state on minimum wage and they made more here and the COL is SO MUCH LESS than Hawaii. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

WIBTA if I told my mom’s realtor the truth about her house?

ONGOING

chicago_scott

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17jj4ac/wibta_if_i_told_my_moms_realtor_the_truth_about/

17jkwmk

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/swappedkids **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **AITA for laughing at my biological parents face when they told me leaving us was the hardest decision they have made?** Trigger Warnings: >!child abandonment, drug use, verbal abuse, harassment, mentions substance abuse, theft!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16ke307/aita_for_laughing_at_my_biological_parents_face/?share_id=V9JSUC8sPGKleAfJ1OSuu&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **September 16, 2023** Our family has an interesting story. My bio-mother's side and bio-father's side have 2 marriages between the families. One of them is our bio-parents and one of them is between my bio mom's brother(55) and my bio dad's sister(54). My bio mom Linda and bio dad Chris actually have met in my uncle's and aunt's engagement dinner when both of them were 16. Linda and Chris are still complete wrecks. My bio dad was the troubled one of the family whom would have problems with school or the work and my bio-mom has addiction issues since she is 14. When they have met and started to have a relationship ,both sides of the family tried to break them up,they even sent them to different countries but they stole 50k USD from their families,managed to come together and ran away when they were 19. They got married in a 3rd world country and they had me(25M) and my twin brother when they were 21 years old. They thought we were deadweights so they left us in the hospital and went into another country. Luckily they have checked into the hospital with their passports so the hospital have reached into the embassy ,than they found my grandparents and they brought us back home and we have been raised by our uncle and aunt since(we call them mom and dad). My parents were charged with child abandonment but after 10 years of being MIA,the charges were dropped and our families also didn't try to look for them. 2 years ago,they showed up at my dad's parents house in a completely renovated look. Turns out they have finished their education,had stable jobs in the country,started to get mental health treatments and they were sober for 9 years and they have basically put themselves together.At first 6 months,they have only seen their parents in public places,than they were accepted into the houses. A year later,they have met with us when we were 24. Me and my twin brother started to have a relationship with them and we are somewhat cordial right now. Last week,our abandonment topic was opened and Linda told it was the hardest choice they have made. I started to laugh uncontrollably after that and when they asked told them they had multiple choices to come back and they didn't and our families were right not to trust them and they would always have the eyes on them and they should accept this at this stage. Linda started to cry and they left shortly. All of the family except my brother think I am being too cruel and I should apologize but I think they had to hear the unfiltered truth. AITA? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***MenAreLazy:** NTA, but it depends on what kind of relationship you want with them going forward. This will limit a relationship, but you may not care anyway.* *The rest of the family wants a restored relationship.* >**OP:** I wouldn't even trust a penny to either of them so if they are not OK with it,they can leave. I honestly don't know what my family wants from them. ***NeeliSilverleaf:** NTA. They ABANDONED YOU IN A FOREIGN HOSPITAL. If they'd left you with your family and then tried making something of themselves it would be forgivable. I don't think what they did is.* >**OP:** It is a miracle that they checked in with their passports and even though it was a 3rd world country(Srilanka),the doctors and nurses had compassion and tried to find out families and the country actually had a good healthcare system so it wasn't hard to find our family. ***FreeJSJJ:** But thay could have at least sent a letter to your grandparents about your location about abandoning you* >**OP:** I don't think they were in the right mindset to do that. We have reached the records in Srilanka and it was clear that my father was high from god knows what and my mother was in a manic episode during that time. I am just glad that my mother has stopped drinking and using drugs during pregnancy so we weren't born with fetal alcohol syndrome or other issues. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17el1d3/updateaita_for_laughing_at_my_biological_parents/) - **October 23, 2023** So,I made a post here like a month ago about my birth parents and here is the original link to that post. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/upVjAOYAAz I would like to thank each and everyone of you who gave thought and time to comment on this post. Some stuff happened since that post First,my bio-mom and bio-dad are not allowed to contact with me unless they want to go in the jail. A good friend of mine from high school is a lawyer and he advised me to prepare a cease and desist letter(my main language is not English but this is the closest thing that google translate said it in the legal terms) and he did it for me without any charges because he said "that's what good friends do." My brother is sad that I am not even entertaining the idea of a relationship but he says it is OK and he understands it. He just sees them from a different perspective,the same perspective that he sees the patients he is taking care of. My mother and father weren't happy about the restraining order and accused me of being cruel and heartless.They said I am being the embodiment of a demon and they said they will cut contact with me if I ever put this plan into action. I said "well,consider this as our last talk then." and left their house (I am residing at my own apartment that my grandparents gave me as a birthday present on my 18th birthday so no worries,it is in my name and no one can touch it.). We haven't spoken a word since and I doubt this will change in the foreseeable future. My parents are too forgiving and since childhood,I was told I am being too vindictive,this still continues from their side. My parents say I remind them of my great grandfather who ruined peoples lives just because they did small things wrong to him. I am not gonna try to argue with that. My grandparents though ,they have understood my perspective and they said they will respect my boundary but they also asked me to respect their boundary to have a relationship,I said of course and we had an agreement. I still love them so much and I am lucky enough to have the compassionate parental figures that can understand where I am coming from. Other extended family members have divided into two,most of them think I am cruel and they don't want to have a relationship with me anymore other than being civil around each other and some of them still want to protect the relationship we have. I can live with this. I am also back in therapy. Thanks to my brother,he arranged a session with the therapist and also an appointment with a psychiatrist in his hospital so I am currently back in therapy and started to use antidepressants. It doesn't solve all the problems but it helps. As it for me,my life continues as my birth parents never showed up. I go to work and have some me time on the weekends and spend some time with my friends whenever I can find the time and I go visit my grandparents once in every 2 weeks. They live next door to each other. My brother is my next door neighbor so we eat most of the dinners together when he is not on the night shifts. That nights,I mostly find a guy to spend some time with. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***Affectionate-Can-279:** So, missing info, what happened that cause a cease and desist/ restraining order to be issued?* >**OP:** Due to the nature of the previous case,by our countries law I can ask for a cease and desist letter but that is not a restraining order. It is just a warning letter against them saying if you ever come close to me I will accept that as an assault and I will act according to that. ***Vythika96:** Reading the first post I wondered what the family was like if the bio mom got into drugs at 14 and the bio dad had problems as a teenager too. Figured there was probably some toxicity in the first place, and after reading the rest of the family's reaction to OP not wanting anything to do with the adults who literally abandoned them in another country without even trying to contact back home, I feel firm in my stance that OP's family sucks.* >**OP:** My family comes from somewhat a noble lineage in our country and everything is about the looks and how we are perceived from the outside so abandoning people who are the outcasts is an option they are familiar with.So yes,they are toxic and the concept "remittance man" is a thing in our family > >My bio dad and bio mom are not the innocent people here. Their parents aka my grandparents have pushed all the buttons to make it right,both by medical and the emotional stuff but my bio dad is a diagnosed borderline and my mother is type 1 bipolar who had a really early diagnosis at age 13. I am also diagnosed with medication resistant depression (I had TMS when I was 18 years old) so mental health disorders are genetically rampant in our family. My brother is also type 1 bipolar. > >Our grandparents tried to change a lot of stuff in our families but their siblings wanted the same stuff to continue so it didn't work but they have raised me and my brother according to their ethical codes so they are the ones we are looking up to. Our parents unfortunately were heavily influenced by their aunt's and uncle's. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for laughing at my biological parents face when they told me leaving us was the hardest decision they have made?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17jkwmk/aita_for_laughing_at_my_biological_parents_face/

17jkxox

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/cheruth_cutestory **Originally posted to** r/Marriage **Something is off about my marriage** Trigger Warnings: >!spousal neglect, possibly misogyny!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/17bv3lm/something_is_off_about_my_marriage/) - **October 19, 2023** We have 3 kids and have been married around 15 years. I'm coming to the realization that I just don't like my wife very much. I asked myself recently if we'd still be together if we didn't have kids and the answer is a resounding no. I've been in denial for a long time. Our worldviews are completely different. Outside of the honeymoon period, sex has not been good. It's probably once a month now and I barely want it that often. I've had to take viagra to perform. I've blamed it on an autoimmune disease but I know the real reason is I'm not attracted to her anymore. I used to have a very high sex drive. The problem is there's not much I can really point to and say "I can't take this anymore, we need to divorce". She's not abusive. She's affectionate. There's never been infidelity. I think I just have some resentments I can't get past. I've brought up things she's done that bother me and she'll act like it's not a big deal, or she'll think it's resolved when it's not. There's been an issue with her treating me disrespectfully but it's so subtle she doesn't realize she's doing it even when I point it out. She's given me the silent treatment about 6-7 times in our marriage for a couple of days at a time but hasn't done it in a few years. I know people will bring up marriage counseling. I've brought it up with her but she seems to think that's for couples that argue constantly. Any advice would be appreciated. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***chinarussia:** It’s called marriage. When’s the last time u put serious thought/effort to make things better - not for the kid or the home but for the two of u. Time to reinvent, the grass is greener where u water it* >**OP:** We've have a weekly date night. We talk more. I'm sure there is more I can do personally. I'd love any advice &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/17ekdau/update_something_is_off_about_my_marriage/) - **October 23, 2023** First of all, thank you for all the comments. I read all of them even if I wasn't able to reply. I woke up Friday wondering why I was feeling the way I was feeling about my wife. Why did I have to force myself to touch her or tell her I love her? For a long time I thought I had some resentments and repressed anger and thought I just needed to let go of it all. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn't necessarily anger, it was disgust. I thought it was strange since my wife is an objectively attractive woman. So I did some googling and found some articles that described the phenomenon. Apparently this disgust is felt when the marriage falls into mother-son dynamic. When reading these articles it seemed to describe what was happening in my marriage. I wasn't attracted to my wife because she was acting like my mother and no man wants to sleep with his mom. I eventually came upon some articles by an author named Laura Doyle. I was shocked because she described the dynamic of my marriage to a T. The gist is the wife will try to control or nag to the husband under the guise of helping, then the husband will take this as disrespect and will pull away and become cold, which then causes the wife to complain about him not being loving, which causes the husband to pull away further as this comes across as more criticism. In Laura's words, "men need respect like they need oxygen." I got some alone time with my wife on Saturday and wanted to talk about our marriage. I was very nervous as I wasn't sure how she'd take it. I eventually brought up that I thought the problem was this dynamic. She was shocked and said she didn't see it that way at all and asked if I could give an example of her treating me like a child. So I mentioned something that happened a few days prior that really bothered me. We have a bin for recyclables under our sink and I had inadvertently left some cardboard next to it instead of putting it inside the bin. She then rudely asked if I did that. I said yes I must have by accident then came over and picked it up and put it in the bin while she stared at me with an annoyed look. I then said she had a habit of drinking tea in the morning and leaving her cup in some random place. But I always just put the cup away and don't think much of it. I asked her how she would feel if I asked if she left the cup there then stared at her as she put the cup in the dishwasher. It seemed like a lightbulb went off in her head and she seemed mortified. She gave a sincere apology and said she'll be more mindful. I felt like a switch flipped once it was clear that it was unintentional. We talked a bit more and she reached out her hand across the table and I took it. After a bit she looked down and said "I thought you stopped loving me." That broke my heart. I realized then that I never stopped loving her. We just fell into this dynamic without realizing what was happening. We realized our communication skills were poor and we needed help. I asked if we could counseling and she agreed right away, to my surprise. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. Not long after that we were cooking dinner and she asked if we could head to the bedroom. I got excited and followed her there. We didn't have much time, but it was the most passionate sex we've had in years. And I didn't need any chemical help this time. Yesterday we got to spend a lot of time together and I couldn't keep my hands off her. It's funny because for years she had been asking me to touch her more and tell her I love her but this is the first time I actually wanted to. It ended up being a great day. Even this morning I woke up a few minutes before her alarm and looked forward to her waking up so could cuddle in bed for a while. I know we still have work to do and will need to make sure not to slip into old patterns but for the first time in years I feel excited about my marriage. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

Something is off about my marriage

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17jkxox/something_is_off_about_my_marriage/

17jkzsn

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/WeenieButton **My dad is having an affair with a 29 year old woman** **Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Alienation and betrayal by parents, infidelity!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/afiEy5DDEh)  **Oct 19, 2023** I never post on Reddit and I’m also on mobile so sorry if formatting is ugly. Today I experienced the definition of fuck around and find out. Some back story: Almost a year ago my family experienced the loss of my grandpa, my dad’s father. It was sudden and it struck my father really hard. He started having more emotional outbursts, being more reclusive, etc.. and we tried our best to be understanding and help him in anyway he needed. He found himself a therapist and seemed to be working through a lot of his feelings and thoughts. He still wasn’t acting entirely like the him we once knew but death affects everyone differently and this made his behaviour easy to excuse. My dad and I don’t live in the same city and so we often meet up at half way points for lunch. We have always been close so it’s common place for us to talk about our feelings, emotions and recent life events with each other. Now the story: During our first lunch since my grandpas passing I noticed my dad talking a LOT about this new girl at his work. We will call her Stacy. He said that Stacy was helping him a lot of his trauma and being there for him. Stacy’s husband had been through some similar traumas that my dad had experienced and that was being brought up in therapy so he said she offered him support. He really felt he could be himself around her. He made it abundantly clear that he did not feel he could be himself around his wife of 20 years (my mom) but that he could with Stacy. I thought this was an odd comment to make and I think This is where my suspicions of their real intentions began but I knew he was struggling it made me feel relieved that he had someone he trusted. It struck me a little weird that she was 29 but again, sometimes workplaces can create weird and unexpected friendships and with me being 26 I wondered if maybe he saw her as another daughter since I wasn’t able to be around much due to distance. He assured me that Stacy was married to a man named Andrew. They were strictly friends. But in his own words, people from his work had started to think something was “going on” between them so they had stopped talking at work and had moved to texting. He even went so far as to later in the conversation say that he thinks “a strong marriage should be able to survive someone cheating.” I assured him that that wasn’t healthy and that I’m not sure what kind of relationship he wanted with his wife but I did not want a relationship founded on infidelity. Obviously my alarm bells were going off. With what little information I had on Stacy I went and found her online. I stalked her and just like my dad said, she was seemingly in a young happy marriage with Andrew. She kept her social media pretty private but from what I could see she looked like your average 29 year old woman. I couldn’t possibly imagine what she would want with my dad and if anything I thought maybe my dad had a work crush that he was reading too much into. No one wants to think that their dad could be capable of a full blown affair. Over the next few visits with my dad I would hear him continually talk about Stacy when telling stories about work or talking about his friends. She ALWAYS seemed to come up. I couldn’t help but notice that he would avoid calling her by name She would just be “she” or “her” or “girl from work”. It’s as if he completely forgot the things he had told me about her. Or as if he was afraid to say her name around me. Infidelity is never mentioned again but he is always talking about how he’s fighting with my mom (Lily). How as he goes through therapy “she might not like the man he’s becoming”. He tells me how he’s “standing his ground” and getting into verbal arguments with her. I imagine this is self sabotage due to his guilt because of the cheating. Fast forward to today, about a year since I first heard about Stacy. I went on my laptop (which I do not use often). I opened Instagram and I realized I still had my dad’s log in credentials saved on my computer from a one off back in 2016. My dad is and always has been sketchy with his passwords so I assumed that likely it wouldn’t work but I tried the log in anyways. To my surprise, I was in. I won’t even pretend like I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for or like I’m above looking through his DM’s. This is also where I fucked around and found out. I opened their DMs which were pretty bleak at first. I thought that I could rest my suspicions (more like hoped) until I couldn’t. It started out with sending corny photos to each other. Things about “you can kiss me whenever you want, I’m yours” and “your arms feel like home and I’m homesick”. Really juvenile weird shit. Things I wouldn’t send to a coworker if you paid me. Still in denial I kept scrolling and that when I saw it. Nudes (from her only THANK GOD), full blown sexting conversations, conversations about their existing partners and the potential of leaving them for each other, I love yous, conversations with their plans to sleep together for the first time, etc etc etc, you get the picture. All of my suspicions laid out in front of me. He was willing to risk it all for a married woman three years older than his daughter. He was willing to hurt the woman he had supposedly loved for 20 years, destroy his family, destroy Stacy’s family for WHAT? Absolute fucking selfishness. The worst part for me was that they actively talk about their existing partners in this chat. Stacy is always making fun of my mom, “does Lily wear lacy bras for you?” “Does Lily let you go down on her with her BUSH, lol”. As if Stacey couldn’t become more a disgusting human, as if she’s not already sleeping with a married 53 year old father of two, she has to degrade his wife. An innocent victim in this situation. They assure each other that they love their current partners so much that “it hurts” and they don’t understand how they can have the capacity to love two people at the same time. Is disgusting and childish. I don’t know how this ends. They still work together and closely together. I cannot bring myself to tell my mom. I don’t want my dad to know I know. I don’t want him to feel backed into a corner like he has to tell my mom. I want him to tell my mom because he knows it’s the right thing to do. I have looked up to my dad my whole life and I feel like the whole view I have had of him as this selfless, loving, caring family man has been shattered. I’m so disappointed in his actions. And I don’t know what to do. It’s eating away at me. Edit: I was told it would be beneficial to add that my parents do have a kid who is a minor who lives with them. I have not known about this affair the entire time. I found out about it on Thursday so please stop saying that I’m intentionally holding this secret for my father. My parents share an email account and I will not see my mom in person until probably Christmas. TLDR; my dad is having an affair with a 29 year old married woman from work and i found their DMs outlining their sex-capades. I can’t bring myself to tell my mom/his wife of 20 years. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **stinstin555** >Armed with this info I would set up a one on one meeting with Mom and tell her and bring the evidence. In volatile situations like this it is best to be proactive vs reactive. Advise her to go into stealth mode and to act like nothing is going on. >Next Steps: 1. Help Mom find 2-3 Divorce attorneys and schedule the consult, the consult is usually free. Have her present the circumstances and find out their approach. She can then decide whose style she likes most and retain them. • Have her gather the following documents: A. last 3 years tax returns >B. 12 months bank statements, retirement account statements, investment statements >C. copies of mortgage/deed/title to the home, >D. If they own an vacation or rental real estate make copies of the docs from #C >E. 12 months worth of credit card statements, cell phone bills >Have your Mom try to see if she can get access to his wallet while he is sleeping and if so check it for any new credit cards. If she finds any have her screenshot them >What state are you in? Depending on the answer infidelity may qualify her for a ‘fault’ for the divorce filing. >Helping her prepare for this will give her a leg up for a softer landing. >If you can find the info for her affair partners spouse. She can and should make contact the day your Dad is served. BTW, he can be served at work. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. **OOP replied** >>I have decided to take your advice. I’m going to tell my mom as she deserves to have the upper hand in decision making since my father has been the holder of all decisions for months unbeknownst to her. >>I’m currently just waiting for a time when she is not around my dad so I can call her and drop the bomb. They’re currently driving up to their cottage together so it doesn’t feel fair for me to not let her have room to grieve/figure out her next move. I’ll will post an official update when I have one. Most likely Monday when she goes to work. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/HgJskVe6Yd) **Oct 23, 2023** UPDATE: My dad is having an affair with a 29 year old woman Hey everyone, here is the link to my original post: /r/TrueOffMyChest/s/0mJVeBRicW So, I finally called my mom. Her and my dad had spent the day together at their cottage so I waited until they were home and then asked if she could go somewhere alone so we could talk on the phone. Her reaction was nothing like I imagined. She sounded like she already knew. Her reaction also made me feel like this wasn’t the first time this has happened. She laughed and asked me what I “thought I saw”. She blamed herself and said that she “doesn’t meet my dad’s needs.” I explained to her that that’s not fair and that she doesn’t deserve to be lied to and cheated on and put at risk for STDs. I said the way they spoke about my mom in the chat was disgusting and that this was wrong. She asked to see the screenshots so I sent them to her. She kept reassuring me that her and my dad were in it for the long haul and wouldn’t divorce. I told her I didn’t care about that. I said no matter her decision I supported her either way. Even though it wasn’t what I was anticipating I felt relieved. I felt like a weight had been lifted. She thanked me for telling her and said that I would always be her sweet girl. Everything seemed to be going well until she spoke to/confronted my dad and called me back. I don’t know what happened with the conversation between her and my dad but it’s clear that he is a master manipulator and not at all the person I thought he was prior to all this. My mom’s tone had completely shifted on the phone. She was scolding me? He confirmed the affair, he confirmed everything I had said and brought forward to her. Somehow they’re blaming me. They’re telling me I’m wrong. My mom told me that she’s read all the screenshots I sent but had nothing to say about them. They’re staying together and in her words this is just “a bump in the road. They’ve had highs and lows and they’ll have lows again.” I said I would support her either way so I can’t be mad but I can’t help at be sad at how low she thinks of herself to accept this behaviour. “I love your dad and he loves me.” What a horrible message to send to your child. She told me that guilt does bad things to people and that she thinks I got myself worked up over “nothing”. She told me if was wrong of me to look at his Instagram messages and that it was a breach of trust. Ironic considering my dad committed the biggest breach of trust there is in a marriage. I also never would have looked at his messages had he not planted this seed of infidelity in my brain. She explained my dad is VERY angry with me and she doesn’t know if our relationship is repairable. I assumed my dad would be mad at me of course but for my mom to seemingly side with him and turn her back on me too is almost too much to take. I know she’s being manipulated but this is where it ends I guess. I can’t stand to look at either of them. I feel like I was just orphaned. I can’t fight a fight someone doesn’t want me to on their behalf. Deep down I know I’m not to blame for this, don’t get me wrong. But it’s really hard to not feel awful when your parents, whom you’ve trusted, turn their back on you. I do feel like I did right by myself in telling my mom the truth but I can’t help but think that everything would have been easier if I never said anything. My dad still follows Stacey, he has blocked me and my fiancée on all social media platforms. He’s quite literally showing that he chooses his AP over his daughter. I know he’s reacting out of embarrassment and anger but I’ve blocked him in return. He doesn’t get to choose when he comes back into my life. All of this hurts a lot. TLDR; I told my mom, she sounded like she expected this. She confronted my dad. My dad confirmed the affairs. They’re staying together and blaming me somehow. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **AgoraiosBum** >Like you said, this wasn't the first time and it may well be that they already have an "understanding" about extra-marital affairs (and that may run both ways...). >So you notifying her didn't tell her much she didn't already know, instead it just made it awkward for her to discuss it with you. >Ultimately, people are complicated and you don't know their sexual history, which predates your existence. It is, and will, remain fundamentally unknowable to you. >Your Dad is a piece of shit, though, for how he is reacting to you. **OOP replied** >>In Stacy and my dad’s DM’s they both outlined the fallout they believe would occur if their respective partners found out about their affair. I don’t believe even if my mom and dad have a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy like another Redditor suggested that it is a two way street. But you’re absolutely correct, I don’t know their agreements within their marriage nor do I want to, lol. Seeing the things that my dad said in his DM’s was WAY MORE than I ever needed to know. I do find my dad’s reaction of anger very telling though. Honestly the relationship I have with my dad he probably would have just told me of their agreement had there been one. * **cryssylee90** >Have you asked your mother if she’d expect you to stay in that situation if it were you in her shoes? >If she says no, I’d ask her what example she thinks she’s setting by doing so herself. >You can support her and distance yourself from the situation. And from them. Them blaming you for telling the truth is wrong and separate of the support for what she chooses. And you can also support her and choose to limit or forego the relationship you have with your father entirely. >I have a feeling when your wedding approaches your father is going to want to play perfect dad in all the events and pictures. Will you allow him to? **OOP replied** >>When it comes to my mom, I told her I would support her either way. As much as I don’t agree with her choice I’m not in her position andni don’t know what kind of factors are coming into play for her to stay. Who knows, they could be waiting for my younger brother to move out before they call it quits. >>For now I am NC with my father and I am willing to be LC with my mom but no one has spoken to me since so I think it might be NC with all. As it stands currently I don’t anticipate inviting my father to my wedding which is really hard to stomach. We never planned for a big wedding so his presence was definitely going to be a big one on our day. Unless something is massively repaired during that time, I don’t need the added stress. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My dad is having an affair with a 29 year old woman

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Direct-Caterpillar77

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17jl0at

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ghostwriter36 **Coworker accidentally took my lunch home and never brought it back.** **Originally posted to r/blackladies** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Mentions of poverty, food theft!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackladies/s/wQT6MBShDt)  **Oct 22, 2023** I'm absolutely floored, people really aren't shit these days. I came in to work 2 nights ago and put my lunch in the fridge. My coworker was leaving for the night and was taking the next 4 days off. As I was working, she grabbed my bag of food thinking it was hers and left. I later get a call from her and she told me that she accidentally grabbed my stuff and will bring it back the next day. I was a little agitated because it left me SOL for the night, but I had tuna fish and crackers stashed elsewhere and so I had that for lunch that night. The next day, I call her to remind her to bring my lunch because I had an expensive sandwich, yogurt, and cut up fruit in there from a quick stop at the store. She said that it was no problem and she'd bring it in. I get to work last night, and the girl never even stopped by to bring my food and I doubt she'll bring it tonight. Now my expensive sandwich is probably soggy and gross, my fruit is probably extra ripe and I'm livid! She couldn't even fix her mistake. That lunch cost me money and it's been 2 days now... I can't believe how people really don't give a shit these days about other people. Had it been me, I would've brought the lunch back that same night. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Empress-Rae** >She ate your shit. Let’s be real. Trifling heifer. **OOP replied** >>Oooh...now she owes me money...she really is trifling for that, left me hanging because of her mistake * **xCelestial** >She ate that shit 😂she a lil liar. Like at least admit it but don’t act like you’re going to bring my food back??? Also do you have similar bags or did she just jack your food??? >She needs your cash app right now though fr, let her know next time you see her how much she owes you and start putting petty labels on your bag. **OOP replied** >>I'm starting to think she did eat it, it was in a brown grocery bag. I looked in the refrigerator this morning and saw another brown grocery bag with an empty water bottle and tupperware in there...so I believe she did take it by accident....but there's no excuse for not bringing it back...if she tries to bring me that old soggy sandwich and fruit, she will be reimbursing me. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackladies/s/IiVHmPpgzF)  **Oct 23, 2023** Okay, ya'll.... I don't know how to link my previous post, I tried...but I'm here to give an update. My coworker came to work this morning, I was ready to speak with her about my lunch. As soon as she walked in, she saw me and then proceeded to walk past me, avoiding eye contact. There were several coworkers around and I didn't want to bust her out and make a scene in front of everyone. So I stuck around, walking past her several times until she addressed it...she never did. So I waited until she walked into a room alone, and I followed right behind her. At this point, I no longer wanted my lunch. I just wanted to know what possessed her to take my lunch and never bring it back. So I asked her about it....she tried to play dumb and told me that she did bring it back, she said she handed it off to a certain coworker and left. I knew that was a lie because that coworker had said that she hasn't seen her. So I called her bluff and told her that I will ask that coworker where she put it. The girl came clean....SHE ATE MY LUNCH YA'LL! That was all I wanted to know...I told her that she owed me $15, her faced dropped...the girl was broke. It was so ghetto, that I shook my head and told her to forget it....if she was that hard up to jack my food and lie about it....and especially lie on a coworker, then she can keep it. I'm not about to start a war over a $15 lunch. I use to respect her as a coworker, but now I look at her differently. She's a liar and a thief...now I'll lock my stuff up around her from now on...and if she pulls this shit again, I will report her. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **anxydutchess** >Absolutely not saying this is an excuse, but something must be really going on for her to take someone else’s lunch and just eat it. Like I don’t understand what possesses people to do shit like that. It’s really trifling. Actually nothing could be going on, she could’ve done it just because lmao **OOP replied** >>That's why I dropped it, because I figured that she probably was going through something..if she had asked me for my food and told me she was having a hard time, I most likely would've given it to her...she really didn't have to take my stuff. It's the fact that she lied on our coworker...that's what kinda scared me. * **SurewhynotAZ** >Ok. Time to let it go. You're bigger than this and have more to consider. A hungry person ate your lunch **OOP replied** >>I'm already letting it go, that's why I haven't responded to anymore messages in the last 4 hours. The girl already ate her lunch that day and then took mine at the end of her shift. Once again, it wasn't about the food, it was the total disregard for another person that was also hungry and the crazy lies that came with it. Please don't tell me what I need to be feeling. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Coworker accidentally took my lunch home and never brought it back.

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Direct-Caterpillar77

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17jl0q8

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Salty_Landscape2703 **My (25F) husband (29M) called me by his dead’s wife name twice.** **Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/swcbPC7ZZ9) **Oct 16, 2023** I need to rant. For a bit of a background, I’ve met my husband four years ago through the same work industry. We both instantly felt the same attraction, on our first date he told me he was widowed, that his wife had died unexpectedly at the age of 31, two years prior. Three years later, we got married at the beginning of this year. Everything has been good until two months after we got married. I’ve noticed that his behaviour was changing - he started to get more quiet. I’ve asked him if he was feeling alright, he admitted that while cleaning he came across some of his previous wife’s belongings and that he accidentally tossed something from their wedding night. I felt sad for him and I couldn’t imagine how he felt. I tried my best to cheer him up but his happiness was short. One night, we got into a small disagreement about some movie we were watching. During the argument, he called me by her name which is something that he had never done. He looked frightened and shocked that he said this. He kept apologizing after it and I told him it was alright, he cried and I held him. The next morning, I’ve noticed he didn’t sleep at all. I asked him if he wanted to talk about what happened the previous night. He got mad and told me he was gonna go visit his brother. I felt worried and told him I love him. He came home around midnight and he apologized for what happened and how reacted. I told him everything was fine. A few weeks ago during sex while he was finishing, he called me by her name again. This time I was mortified, jumped off the bed and moved away from him. He tried to comfort me by giving me a hug and he kept apologizing. I told him I was going to stay in our guest room. I didn’t sleep at all that night. The next morning, he kept apologizing and told him it’s fine. We talked for a bit, I asked him if he was alright and if he needed to speak to someone professionally. He agreed to go speak to someone but he didn’t show up to the appointment that we had set up for him. Our conversation since then have been insanely short. Everything has been weird since he called me her name during sex. He rarely speaks to me, only when he needs something. Which makes me sad because I do love him but I’m scared that he doesn’t love me. Now I recently found out that I’m pregnant. I’m happy because I’ve always wanted to be a mother but I am sad I don’t know if the father of my child even loves me anymore. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **forreasonsunknown79** >She’s been on his mind since he found the items that belonged to her. Add to this the fact that he accidentally threw away a keepsake from their wedding, and it’s no wonder that he’s slipped up. Cut him a break. It was obviously a shock to him when he found the items. If he continues to do it, then I would suggest therapy for him. Did he ever do grief counseling? **OOP replied** >>That’s what I think, he’s just found some new grief and unresolved feelings. >>He did do grief counselling for awhile but he stopped. When we first started dating, I knew he was in therapy and maybe a year into our dating, he stopped going. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/a3ljH36h9h)  **Oct 23, 2023** First of all, I'd like to say sorry to everyone that I had annoyed with the overusage of the word "fine" lol. I was afraid of to admit that everything had been rough in my marriage recently or I didn’t give off the impression that I had any sort of ill feelings towards her. Thank you to everyone that congratulated me on my pregnancy too! After a day of things being strange and weird between us. He told me he was sorry for his behaviour and things have been rough for him lately, that grief is tricky. I encouraged him that he should seek therapy for himself especially grief counselling. I said I was sorry if I made him feel embarrassed, or bad for the name incident. He did attend a session for himself and agreed to go. I have always been going to therapy and counselling. I did tell my husband that I was pregnant. He is very happy about it. We both are and excited for the arrival of our firstborn. After hearing the news, he has been trying his hardest at taking care of me and himself. Seeing him this happy, took every negative thought and feeling about the future away. Anyways thanks again for the words and encouragement…bye everyone!!! <3 **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (25F) husband (29M) called me by his dead’s wife name twice.

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Direct-Caterpillar77

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17jl7pi

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Simple\_Macaron8172](https://www.reddit.com/user/Simple_Macaron8172/). She posted in r/amiwrong Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the recommendation! I added paragraphs for readability and replaced letters with names. **Mood Spoiler:** >!honestly kind of weird, but an ok ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/17dhb77/am_i_wrong_for_refusing_to_marry_a_woman/?share_id=dQYfDZax2fK7poSRVdeOe&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)**: October 21, 2023** I (26f) am bisexual. I am very confident in my sexuality and have a history of dating both. However, I’ve always known that when it comes to marriage, I want to be able to have biological children with my partner. For that reason, I see myself only marrying a man. In my past relationships with women, I have been very open about this. It’s never posed an issue. However, ab 3 years ago I met my current girlfriend Grace (27 f). It started as a hookup, then escalated to a situationship. usually, whenever things get to that point I like to make the disclaimer in terms of wanting to have biological children and not dating to marry. Grace seemed understanding, thanked me for being straightforward, and assured me that she is not looking for marriage either. we agreed to keep seeing each other casually, no strings attached. A couple months later, Grace suggests we start being exclusive. I reminded her that I was not dating for marriage. She asked me if i’m seeing anyone else. I told her no, she said that it would make sense for us to be exclusive until our relationship has run its course naturally. I really liked her and wasn’t interested in anyone else so after making sure that there was no misunderstanding about marriage, i agreed and we started dating. i understood that this kind of relationship could get complicated. Hence, I was reluctant to bring herto meet my family, etc. but every time she would insist, assuring everything was fine and that she knew exactly wht was at stake. My family loved her and soon people started asking when’s the wedding - to which Grace would smugly respond that “i didn’t want to marry her”. I laughed along, assuming it was a joke but something started feeling off. I confronted her to make sure we were still on the same page, and she told me to “stop treating me like an f-ing child and constantly checking up on my feelings”. She said to back off - we got into an argument about it, but the next day she apologized and asked me to just stop bringing it up so often. I explained i was just looking out for our feelings, but if it was overbearing I would back off. We agreed, and I stopped bringing it up. We’ve been dating for almost two years. However, my mind hasn’t changed in terms of marriage though i stopped bringing it up as per her request. I came home from work to my apartment covered in flowers and candles and her on one knee. Before she even got around to asking, I immediately said “NO” and walked out, fuming. She followed me, a fight insued (screaming, crying) as she told me I was a huge b\*\*ch and an asshole for leading her on for two years. I explained that my feelings in terms of marriage hadn’t changed (ie biological kids) she called me homophobic and a bigot and stormed out. We haven’t spoken since. Am I wrong? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Top Comment:* Commenter: Out of curiosity, what would you have done if she didn't do this and blow up the relationship? Specifically, did your relationship have an end point, where you would seek out a man to marry and have kids with? OOP: i’m not sure - in general i suppose if i felt she was the love of my life i probably would give up my dream of biological children. but seeing as how this remained more important to me, she clearly wasn’t. what she said - and what i agreed with - was that we would remain exclusive until our relationship had run its natural course (i guess that would mean until either the marriage thing or other issues became too much to stay together) *Did you ever talk about marriage with her, as in having kids together?* "i never talked to her about marriage in terms of it being between her and I - the only context i mentioned it in was warning her that i am not looking to marry a woman. we never really talked about kids in terms of having them together in any way" "she never told me she was interested in marriage. it was never brought up and we never had that conversation. all she told me regarding marriage was that she was on the same page as me and didn’t like being constantly reminded of my position because it made her feel like i was treating her like a child watching out for her feelings, so i stopped bringing it up myself" *If you're dead set on marrying a man, why not just date men? What was your end goal?* "because i am not looking to settle down and get married just yet, and am attracted to both genders. i don’t see casual dating as obligatory whether it would have been with a man OR a woman." "to be honest, i believe in casual dating - plenty of people date without the intention of marriage, and i always thought that it is perfectly reasonable as long as boundaries and expectations are set and communicated from the start." *But your post clearly outlines how you made decisions that went beyond casual dating:* "tbh i never saw this lasting as long as it did. you’re right, two years is a long time and when she initially suggested being exclusive i couldn’t foresee how long it would last. i agreed because it made sense - i wasn’t seeing anyone else, and i did really like her and enjoy her company. i figured if the terms were clear with both of us, it couldn’t hurt to be exclusive for a while. then things just never broke off - i was probably too comfortable and reluctant to get out of that comfortable place with her and that is my fault. but i was also under the impression (reiterated by her multiple times) that we were both aware that marriage was still not the end goal here" *Does it stop being casual dating after 3 years?* "you’re right - but when she initially suggested it i never assumed it would last that long. it just sort of happened, but i assumed (again, shouldn’t of made assumptions but also i did try my best to communicate all this to her) that the terms for the entire duration of our relationship remained the same, whether it be three weeks or three years, unless we had the explicit conversation that stated otherwise. we never did - she never even brought it up to me that marriage has been on my mind. instead , i was blindsided with a proposal" *OOP further defines her view on relationships:* "to me, my mentality feels very similar to the way people approach highschool/college relationships. are you dating your highschool/college sweetheart for marriage? probably (hopefully) not. are you planning out this relationship long term? probably not. do most people end up marrying those partners they’ve had in their youth? usually no. these people aren’t ready for marriage. but that doesn’t mean anyone is leading anyone on. but you’re young, you’re in love, you’re having fun, exploring romantic relationships, discovering yourself. i think that as long as terms are made clear, it’s unfair to assume a relationship will end in marriage just because you’re getting older - and i’m saying this whether id be dating a man or a woman. right now im not ready for marriage, i would make that disclaimer with every relationship i would enter. when im ready to start dating for marriage, i will obviously start looking at dating exclusively men." *Why is it important to have a biological child with your partner, and also, if you had met a man while you were with your GF, would you have dumped her for him?* "to answer your first question: i’m not sure why - since i was little i’ve been extremely drawn to the idea of having a family where the child is both biologically related to me and my partner. long term, i see myself marrying a man - it’s always been that way and i can’t necessarily explain it, and i don’t think that i should be required to as everybody has their own preferences when it comes to building a family. i have absolutely nothing against ivf, adoption, etc. but my first choice is the traditional route and having a baby naturally that is both related to me and my partner. i think many people that want children can agree that is the preferred method - no one WANTS to do IVF to have a child if they can do so naturally. Not to mention alternative methods of building a family cost thousands of dollars and are usually not covered by insurance - it is not something to be taken lightly like “oh just do IVF or adopt” but people fail to consider that it is an enormous financial expense that not many can afford, including myself. as for the second question: if i met a man who wanted kids while i was with her, i would not have dumped her. i wasn’t (and still am not) looking for a relationship that would end up in marriage (planning to wait a couple years or so before im ready to start something like that). i also think that cheating is an asshole move no matter the nature or your relationshp. she wasn’t just a “bed warmer” for me as other people in the comments have said or implied - i really cared for her and was truly committed to seeing this relationship through." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/17f0agp/update_am_i_wrong_for_refusing_to_marry_a_woman/)**: October 23, 2023 (2 days later)** first of all, i want to thank everyone for their comments. it was helpful to see things from a different perspective. i wrote the post still mad from being blindsided, so i apologize if my writing lacked empathy, as some have pointed out. i do care for Grace deeply, and acknowledge my role that led us to end up in this mess. for that I am sorry. we talked today after taking the weekend to cool down. i explained my perspective to her, saying that i felt blindsided and a bit betrayed by the out of the blue proposal, especially since she was the one who asked to stop bringing up the marriage issue while we were together. she said she proposed as a sort of last resort, since she knew that if marriage was brought up casually in conversation, i would freak out and leave. her hope was that a grand romantic gesture might work - aka proposing. i explained that i am not ready for marriage with anyone yet - but of all the people ive been with ive cared for her the most, and the last thing id ever want to happen was for her to be hurt. i also explained that i wished our communication throughout our relationship had been clearer as to avoid the hurt and mess that we ended up in. obviously, we have decided to go our separate ways. after our conversation, the parting was amicable. i wish her nothing but the best. edit to say: for people asking me “what did i expect to happen going into a relationship with an expiration date” - i’ve been in relationships (with both men and women) like this before. i may be naive, but i am not stupid to set my expectations for something like this without having had prior experience. granted, they didn’t last three years (longest one was just short of two) but they went very differently. once both sides made clear that marriage was not the end goal, we were together until one of us was ready to have a conversation that it was time to move on. granted, each time hurt - but when you set the expectations from the start, its only natural that the relationship had run its course. each of those relationships ended amicably - there were no fights, no proposals, no hurt feelings. going into this, i expected the same.

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17jl7pi/am_i_wrong_for_refusing_to_marry_a_woman/

17jl81u

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/chilldude890](https://www.reddit.com/user/chilldude890/). They posted in r/pettyrevenge. Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the rec! **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/10pkfb3/the_rental_property_from_hell/)**: January 30, 2023** **Background** After posting my HOA board gutting story, I figured it was time to share another story that happened only a few months ago, and show that some good can come from HOAs that don't have power drunk buffoons running them. During my tenure, I have seen all sorts of weird appeals and issues that we had to resolve from pond management problems to neighborly disputes. The issue is this story however centers around a specific renter in our neighborhood along with their terrible management company. **Main Story** At the end of every quarterly meeting that we have for the community, members have a chance to stay back and review issues with the board case-by-case. Typically, this consists of community members who have fines that want to appeal or settle. This time however, a regular attendee came in, which surprised all of us. She had never once had a fine, helped with some committees, and had two amazing kids, one of which was special needs (important later). She sat down and calmly set down a folder in front of us, and that's when I knew she was serious. Then she began to explain how she needed help from the board with "an issue" with her neighbor. She described in painful detail about how her neighbor had been digging up and taking her flowers and had kept flipping around the basketball hoop that her special needs son used regularly. She had even installed a camera and had video evidence proof (which she showed to us). Immediately, I became concerned and told her to call the police immediately. She looked down and informed us that she had, and the police told her to go through the HOA first. While that still made no sense to me, I said that we could look into how we could help. She thanked us with teary eyes and left after that. I walked out of the meeting scratching my head on how I could help without even really knowing what I could do. When I got home, I looked up the address of the neighbor that was bothering her to discover that the house belonged to a renter and property owner that had a longgggg history of issues with the HOA. While I am not really allowed to discuss specifics here, let's just say that the property has had 10 tenants in seven years and still has some serious outstanding issues with the board. I looked up the property company and discovered that they owned over 50 houses across multiple towns in my area, and had a D- rating with the BBB. I contacted my other board members and asked their opinion on the situation while providing them with the findings of my research. One of them reminded me that the management company had sent a representative to the meeting prior and tried to appeal a whole host of fines with the excuse that they simply did not want to pay them. I had honestly forgotten that was the same house. Not too mention, they also tried to claim that since their tenants did not want to pay, neither should show the property company. We denied all of their requests since they were years behind in many fees and dues. I drove by the property and realized how bad it looked. The grass was over a foot high, there were dog chains in the front, and their flowers were of course immaculate, and the neighboring house's were missing. I saw the basketball hoop flipped around for myself, and could not help but let my jaw drop. I could not imagine how that lady felt for the atrocities that she had to deal with having neighbors like that. I took some pictures and drove back. **Revenge** I contacted the board's legal consult and asked if there was anything that we could do to help. Since the property ownership company had refused to pay dues and fines for over 8 years since buying the house, we did have the authority to foreclose and then put the house for sale through the bank that had the loan (which, I thought was a little strange that corporate housing company would mortgage it given the amount of houses that they owned, but oh well). I did not like the idea of foreclosing just yet, so I setup a meeting request with the tenant. I sent a request for him to talk to the land owner since we were not allowed to interact with renters, and made my list of items. When the next meeting rolled around, the same representative from the company that showed up a few meetings ago was there. He stayed around and when it was time for his individual time slot, he sat down and calmly asked what was wrong. My VP started with the list of fines and past due payments and asked if/when they planned to pay it. He replied calmly that they had no intention of paying them. I then asked him if he knew that means the company could lose the house to foreclosure. He looked sheepish for a second and then replied that they had great lawyers since they had dealt with this through other neighborhoods. We tried to reason with him a bit more, but it was clear that they thought that they were above the community standards and owed us nothing. I personally like to wait 10 years before finally deciding to foreclose on a delinquent house, since no account has ever had that long of a history with the HOA as we are usually able to resolve the issue. HOAs need to use that authority extremely carefully. Since this was clearly never going to be resolved, the board voted to start the proceedings to foreclose on the property. I reached out to the other HOAs where the company held property and found out two of them were doing the same thing. While it is currently an on-going case, there is a chance that we can also file a class action lawsuit against the company for property negligence. We will see what happens, but I would love to run them out of business since all they do is get bad renters, ruin houses, and ignore HOA rules. I also got into contact with our community's police contact and informed him of the flower stealing and trespassing. He was stunned to hear that the department had turned this lady away, and offered to help. She reached out to me a few days ago to let me know that there is now an investigation into the matter, and that she's trying to sue him for stealing property. I offered to testify if it ever came to that, and I am sure that she will win. Moral of the story: be nice to your neighbors, and property ownership companies are terrible for communities. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Did the renters steal the flowers, or the company?* "Sadly, it was the renters. The management company did not do anything about it either." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/17f0jsx/update_the_rental_property_from_hell/)**: October 23, 2023 (9 months later)** 9 months ago I posted about a rental property that was out of control due to a poor investment property firm. After a long legal battle, the board was able to prove to a property judge that the land was out of control and was not maintained. We secured a lien of 20% of the home for all of the fines and unpaid violations, and the judge ordered them to be paid immediately. Otherwise, they would face an expedited foreclosure since the property owner was acting in bad faith and my state has a special process for these edge cases. As of yesterday, the company who owned the property declared themselves insolvent since 3 other surrounding HOAs imposing similar fines on their properties were included in the ruling. We cannot wait to recoup the damages, and we are working our local foreclosure management team to try to help guide the process in selecting a new homeowner (since any party \~15% stake gets weird voting rights). We are really hoping for a tenant that wants to take care of them, and want to avoid another investment company with a poor record of house maintenance. As for the poor homeowner whose flowers were stolen, the board paid for the neighborhood's landscaper to professionally install them after the current renter left a few months ago. The homeowner's property looks awesome, and they have recently joined our social committee to welcome new people to the neighborhood. While I have to keep it very vague, there are also criminal charges being investigated, which will unfortunately take more time to process. While not every story has a happy ending, the diligent work of this homeowner saved the community and others from a TERRIBLE homeowner. Always document these issues, since you never know how someone else may help you with it.

The Rental Property From Hell

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17jl81u/the_rental_property_from_hell/

17jzltj

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/MEvsSTEPMOMaita in r/AmItheAsshole\*\* Trigger Warning: >!Family infighting, Death of a loved one!< [AITA for telling my dad's wife to drop dead in front of her friends and family?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/112obi9/aita_for_telling_my_dads_wife_to_drop_dead_in/) Posted Feb 14, 2023 My (17F) mom died a little over a year ago. I was living with her full time before she passed. She left me a lot of money and her house. Since the house was just going to stay empty until I was done with college my aunt (on my moms side) and I talked about it and we agreed she would stay there since she's taking care of my grandma and her place was small. I will move back in once I've finished my schooling. My dad assumed my mom left me her money and left the house to my aunt. I didn't correct him because I don't trust my dad or have a great relationship with him. I am currently living with him, his wife Jan, and her twin daughters(17, both lovely people) in a 3 bedroom flat. 2 months ago he found out that my mom left me the house. I'm not sure how he found out but he did. Since then I haven't heard the end of it, I'm selfish for making us all stay in a tiny flat, I'm spoiled because I won't share my inheritance, I'm a terrible person for making the twins take out loans. You get the gist. This weekend was the twins birthday at my grandma's house. Most of my dad's family was there (we get along great usually), his wife's family, and some of both of their friends there along with the twins friends. After they were done opening my present to them they asked me if that was really it. (I got the matching bracelets with their birthstones, which they both loved btw) It got quiet and I asked them what else they were expecting. They said Jan said that I was planning on surprising them on their birthday by telling them we were moving into my moms house and helping them with college. My grandma asked Jan if this was true and Jan started in on me again. She asked what she could do to make me stop being a bitch, pull my weight, help out, and be fair. I told her she could drop dead. That my mom died for me to get all these things she wanted me to give her daughters. I said if she wanted everything to be fair then she should drop dead and I would share everything I had with her daughters since we would have all lost a mother then. That it would be fair only after that happened. She and my dad started yelling at me and my grandma and uncles started yelling at my dad and Jan and everything was pretty much over after that. The whole ride home my dad and Jan were getting calls and texts from family and friends telling then they were disappointed in them and I was getting texts from Jan's family, the twins friends, and a few of my own cousins saying I was selfish. I don't usually fight with my cousins so I'm really starting to think maybe I am being selfish and that I went to far at the twins party. AITA? ***Consensus: NTA*** \[Update is added as an edit to the original post so no date for the update is given.\] Edit: Thank you guys so much for the support. When everyone who usually backs you up says you're an AH it's hard to believe your not. But as some of you guessed my cousins heard the word inheritance and got greedy and that's why they sided with them. I was getting texts asking for money from them these past few days. I am moving in with my grandma on my dad's side. She picked me up this morning and we've been moving my stuff instead of going to school today. The twins talked to their friends and they have texted their apologies. Although I'm not going to pay for their whole college experience I think I'm going to help them buy books and with on campus living. They have really had my back on this and that's amazing! I'm going NC with my dad. He chose her over me, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

AITA for telling my dad's wife to drop dead in front of her friends and family?

CONCLUDED

G1Gestalt

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17jzltj/aita_for_telling_my_dads_wife_to_drop_dead_in/

17kcg6d

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/No-Morning8770 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH & r/AskLGBT+ **AITHA - I won't gift my grandmother's wedding set to my step son, even though I don't have children** Trigger Warnings: >!mentions of fertility issues, verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, acephobia!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17e7stq/aitha_i_wont_gift_my_grandmothers_wedding_set_to/) - **October 22, 2023** My sister (56f) and I (58F) each inherited our grandmother's wedding bands (I got mine from our maternal grandmother and my sister got her set from our paternal grandmother). Obviously, the idea when we were young was to pass it down to our children. Well, my sister had a daughter in her late 20's and I found out that my fallopian tubes did not form quite right and I just never could get pregnant. But then my sister got pregnant again 10 years later and I was relieved it was a little girl. A few months later we agree that when she grew up, she would get the other set. Well the oldest niece (now 28f) has the set from the father's side and the youngest (18f) is young so I'm still holding on to them. Not really relevant to the story, but my first husband left because he wanted kids. I have since married a wonderful man (60m) who has a son (27m and I don't know if this relevant, but he is an only child and so is my husband. My husbands parents died a decade ago or so and he has really become attached to my family. My step son's mother has a large Italian family, so he has a lot of cousins). Anyway, he is getting ready to graduate grad school next year and has a girlfriend that he wants to marry. His own (maternal) grandmother has offered her set to him if he wanted them (which to be honest I thought was really generous and sweet of her). He didn't like the style and declined. But he has now asked if I would give him my grandmother's set. Here's the kicker: his reasoning is that my niece who is intended to receive it is ace (asexual). I tried to gently and reasonably explain that it didn't matter what she does with it, they belong to her. She may very well want them for a wholly different reason. He said that there isn't a better reason than a marriage since that is what they were made for and that she made sure that isn't in her future. I (maybe stupidly) suggested maybe she would want a ceremony to commit to her own wellbeing and health and happiness. And he got real shitty about her marrying her cat. I told him I'm sorry, but they are family heirlooms from my side of the family to be passed through my side of the family. He got shitty about "I guess I'm not in your side of the family" at which point my husband said that this hurt his feeling since he thought I considered his son "part of my family". An absolute clusterfuck of hurt feelings ensued and it ended with the step son storming off and my husband in the guest room. And I'm here completely alone, no kids of my own to give this to, my husband acting like I just somehow severed him and his son from "my family". And here's the thing. I don't care if my niece is ace and if she is for her life or if she explores romantic and personal relations of whatever nature (enthusiastic consenting adults is my only caveat). She is under no obligation to find a sexual partner of any gender and certainly doesn't owe anyone children. She's 18 years old for christ's sake. She may very well decide to share it was a platonic life partner or she might do what my sister and I did and agree with her sister to pass it down through her children (which ironically the oldest niece has two baby girls (3 and 4)). But somehow I'm the asshole? I mean, am I? Sorry, if this is rambly and emotional or if it's confusing. I should proabbly wait to write later, but I've spend the last hour crying and needed to vent. Edit 1: I'm sorry, my husband did not ever ask me to give his son the rings. When S (his son) made the comment about guessing he's not on my side of the family, my husband gor upset and things got derailed because his feelings got hurt and the argument turned into me being an asshole for saying his son isn't on my side of the family. From R (husband) pov I think it's because my family is the only family he has aside of S... so if it seems like I cut S out then that leaves R without anyone outside of my family?? I don't know... I don't think R will not support me with the rings tomorrow, things just got complicated and ugly and hurt with the whole "part of the family" thing. Edit 2: I am absolutely overwhelmed. There are so many responses from what I thought I would get. I don't think I can respond to everyone. Thank you to everyone for being so helpful and supportive. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***False_Risk296:** You’re NTA. Out of curiosity, how long have you been married to your husband? Did you help to raise the stepson? If you did, then I’d understand his feelings a little more.* >**OP:** I met him when his father and I were friends when he was around 6 or7. He was 12 when we got married, but he lived with his mother with visitation from his dad. We really only saw each other rarely and on holidays. He took a year after high school and spent more time with his dad. That was when we started to form a meaningful bond. ***celticmusebooks:** So you'd already promised the ring to your niece and your stepson thought you should break your promise and give him the ring? What the What???? Just curious, did you know that your niece was asexual or was he "outing" her?* *NTA but shame on your stepson and SHAME on your husband for demanding you break your promise to your niece as some sort of creepy "loyalty" test.* >**OP:** She's out, has been for a couple of years at least.* *If he outed her that conversation would have gone differently. That kind of violation is not acceptable.* ***PossibilityOk3338:** That's a really great observation. OP...how is your stepson aware of this anyway?* >**OP:** I sometimes wear them on my right hand. I was really close to my maternal grandmother and they are an aesthetically pleasant balance against my own wedding bands. > >However, trying to read everything here, I do think they will be going to the safety deposit box, for a little while anyway. Until this is resolved or it's time to pass them on. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17fnq39/follow_up_grandmas_wedding_bands_go_to_the_ace/) - **October 24, 2023** First, thank you so much for the overwhelming response. Days later I am really shocked at how many people shared their thoughts. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Second, A MASSIVE thank you to everyone who took the time to share their thoughts, experiences and information about what being ace is. When my niece came out to me I took her quite literally in that I took it as "I have no sexual appetite, attraction or feelings" and that literally everything beyond that was her business to share as she wanted. I 100% accept my niece as is, a beautiful work in progress with the singular caveat that everyone she is involved with is both enthusiastically consenting and an adult. Otherwise, nothing can stop me from loving her and supporting her and protecting her when she asks. BUT, that is all I know of her in this regard. I took it as prying to try to define it further (an extension of defining her I suppose), so as many of you picked up: I know absolutely nothing about what it is to be ace. Your information has been so well received as it will be what helps me in addressing my SS... and I will, mostly to preserve and foster his relationship with my niece (because honestly they genuinely like each other, so his comments really did seem to come out of left field). But I also need to talk to him to correct him - intentional or not, his perspective allows for harmful behavior towards people I love and the LGBTQ community at large. So thank you for being generous with your experiences and information because that ripple is going to go out further. Third, I need to come clean about what happened that night, or broader context. This event went down after a large meal where we drank a little over 2 bottles of red wine. None of us were in a position for that discussion and we all spoke out of turn. So for those who called me out, you're right and thank you. My words reflected poorly on me and I own that and have apologized for it (well to husband, I will to SS when I see him next). I thought that if I included that detail that we were drunk, then people would be "mean" to me here and I was feeling too fragile for that. So out of fear I didn't include the fact that we were drunk. While all of us drink on occasion, this night I think all of us drank more than we normally do and allowed ourselves to get drunk. I think we were just got too comfortable and things got out of hand and we used our inside voices on each other. Fourth, husband and I made up almost immediately the next day (in between a greasy breakfast, half a liter of water and some aspirin). Of course he knows that both he and S are every bit my family as my mom and sister and her children. I came from my grandmother and he from his and SS from his. Those women are all part of the same family, but we come from different women and I feel it's a happy obligation to hold a place for the women I came from. A lot of people who responded seemed to share that sentiment, which I am grateful for the reaffirmation. Husband got it immediately as he brought up the cuff links his father gave him that are to be passed down to SS when he passes. So the clarity is there for us. We also discussed SS and his behavior. We're supposed to have dinner on Friday where husband and I will together explain (soberly) that the rings were bespoke when he was still a little boy, and that his father and I have agreed to pay to have his grandmothers rings recast (if she's even willing to give them to him, but that is between her and SS). If he declines I will send him to the jeweler who made my set and we will help him with the costs. If it turns out that he just truly adores the rings I have, we'll use them as a template which would be rather sweet anyway. So there are options in that regard. He's normally a really good kid, so I think in the light of sobriety he'll be happy with this. Aside of that, as mentioned above, I'm more concerned with his comments about my niece and the broader context. Husband and I will try to focus more on that issue and less about the rings. For us, the rings are a nonstarter so hopefully it will be easier to address and then move past. Wish us luck on this because there are a lot of sticky questions here. Fifth, I currently have no idea if his gf is even aware of any of this to be frank. If she is, she hasn't reached out to husband or I. To answer: yes, she has seen grandma's set. She seems like a nice young woman and I don't get the feeling that she was that interested in them, or that she would be asking him for them. I could be wrong, but it's just the impression I have so far. Sixth, the rings themselves are now in a safety deposit box. Until everything is resolved they stay there. Someone had questioned why I wasn't giving them to my niece since she is now an adult. This is true, legally she is an adult. However, this is not a legal matter, but a matter of judgment and family - and 18 is a still growing young adult. Her prefrontal cortex will not be fully developed until around 25, when the executive center of the brain is fully functional. Until then, I love her and trust her with my heart - but I'm not comfortable giving her sentimentally priceless heirlooms. If she is anything like I was, they may very well get hawked for concert tickets and weed. I'd rather she just ask for the money. Christ on a cracker this is long. I am sorry, thank you for getting to the end of this. I'm sorry if I didn't respond or answer a question. I'll be heading over to the AskLGBT subreddit for some finer points in getting ready for Friday. Thanks again!! &nbsp; *Posted on a different sub on the same day after the update* [Do I involve my ace niece in an ugly event involving her step-cousin (my step son)?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLGBT/comments/17foe9j/do_i_involve_my_ace_niece_in_an_ugly_event/) - **October 24, 2023** This is a little long (the full backstory can be read [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17e7stq/aitha_i_wont_gift_my_grandmothers_wedding_set_to/) and the follow up [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17fnq39/follow_up_grandmas_wedding_bands_go_to_the_ace/)). The long and short is I have a family heirloom (wedding band set) that was promised to my niece. My stepson asked for it and made his reason for getting them is my niece is ace (no, he didn't out her, we already knew this) and so "wouldn't need them." He also made an pretty ugly comment regarding marrying her cat. We were all drunk, we all spoke out of turn, he left angry, we were all angry and hurt. (no excuses regarding being drunk here, just context for what went down). So, I felt like an asshole (because I kind of was) so like any sane person, I shared it on AITAH on reddit (see above). My eyes were opened. Because independent of what happened with my SS, here is how I saw it regarding my niece: when my niece came out to me I took it literally to mean "I have no sexual/physical appetite, feelings, urges, desires" and everything else that wasn't that was up to her. Which is fine, except it left this big old blind spot to what "everything else" actually was. For me it was a hand wave, because I simply don't care where her heart leads her with the sole caveat of everyone is enthusiastically consenting and everyone is an adult. I never thought what it was for her, in part because it felt like trying to define her. In any case, the good folks over at AITAH (and there were A LOT) shared their thoughts, experiences, and insights about what it is to be ace and of course... my eyes were opened. I feel like I am starting to know what I didn't know - if that makes sense. This Friday my SS is coming over for dinner with husband and I, with the biggest thing on our agenda is addressing his outburst regarding my niece. What troubles me is that in every single engagement those two have been at since they were little, they have really gotten along well! He was around nine when she was born and from a distance he has watched her grow up. Both his father and I were unprepared for what felt like really hateful comments. Before Friday though, I wanted to find the right place to ask this: should I even tell my niece all of this has happened? Should I wait until after our dinner and see where my SS's head is at? Should he tell her what he said? What do you think is best for her? She is 18, an adult and deserves to be treated as one. But I also don't want to hurt her unnecessarily when this may have been ignorance and wine. But I don't want to hide the truth. If this were you, how would you want to be treated? Thank you for considering and responding in advance. I appreciate it! &nbsp; **DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED** **SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED** (**Editor's Note: the update was posted in the same post**) **UPDATE**: I decided to wait and see what SS had to say before involving my niece. At this point, she is still unaware of what was said. I have asserted (and husband backed me up) that she deserves an apology, even if she wasn't initially aware that she was wronged. Our talk with SS was a bit of an eye opener in that parts of his life were made known that we were not aware of (not really relevant here, only that things have been worse for him than we realized). Not using it or taking it as an excuse for what was said, the disproportionate response makes a lot more sense for someone who is usually pretty stoic or pragmatic about things. He, like myself, were unaware and ignorant of any of the nuances, day to day realities, and possibilities that are part of being ace. I'm ok with a learning curve, so long as learning and growth continue - and that those things alter behavior. He agrees that he was "an idiot" for saying what he did, that he loves his cousin... but he doesn't "see the point in telling her that he was an asshole if he knows not to be an asshole again". We (husband and I) are grappling with that. This may very well be a thing where we give a pass this one time so long as his behavior reflects a meaningful change in thought. I may end up apologizing to my niece in the future if this bites me in the ass later. Maybe we're protecting him? Maybe it's giving him a second chance? &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITHA - I won't gift my grandmother's wedding set to my step son, even though I don't have children

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17kcg6d/aitha_i_wont_gift_my_grandmothers_wedding_set_to/

17kcgns

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/ThrowRA_858 now deleted **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice recovered by rareddit **My (23M) girlfriend (21F) tested positive for chlamydia, did she cheat?** Trigger Warnings: >!mentions of infidelity, sexually transmitted infection!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17dxhsi/my_23m_girlfriend_21f_tested_positive_for/) - **October 22, 2023** I made a burner account to prevent revealing private information. Hello everyone, My girlfriend sent me a positive Chlamydia trachomatis PCR test from a urine sample. She was tested last week. My last Chlamydia test was in November 2022 (the result was negative). My girlfriend and I have been together since April 2022. My girlfriend claims she has had **no previous sexual partners** and no sexual partners outside of myself. I have had **two sexual partners**: my **current girlfriend** and **an ex-girlfriend**. My last sexual encounter with my ex-girlfriend was in October 2021. My current girlfriend and I have been relatively consistent with sexual activity since we started dating until June 2023. In June 2023 I moved away to continue schooling and we have had sparse sexual activity when we visit one another. My **ex-girlfriend** and I participated in oral, vaginal, and anal penetration. My **current girlfriend** and I have only participated in oral sex. I have not had vaginal or anal sex with my **current girlfriend**. Due to the way my insurance provider operates, I will not be able to get tested for Chlamydia myself because of my geographic location. Rest assured, I have a prescription for Chlamydia treatment that I will begin taking tonight. Doctor said (over the phone) I could start treatment without a positive test because I have been exposed. This creates a problem, because the next time I'm in town to get tested I will have already completed antibiotic treatment and will likely test negative no matter what. I understand that I would likely test positive regardless, but if I tested now I would at least have had a chance to test negative and prove I am innocent of cheating (I should add that despite current circumstances, my gf has not accused me of cheating). TL;DR: **Is there any possible way, that this train of events could have happened without my girlfriend cheating on me?** **Oct 2021:** last sexual encounter with ex-gf **April 2022:** current gf and I begin dating **June/July 2022:** current gf and I have first sexual contact **Nov 2022:** I have a routine negative Chlamydia test **June 2023:** I move away, sexual activity between gf and I becomes less consistent. **Early, Oct, 2023:** last sexual contact between gf and I. **Late Oct, 2023:** Gf tested positive for Chlamydia. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***GodIsAGas:** Of course it is possible. It is also possible that you contracted chlamydia from your ex-, returned a false negative test (which isn’t uncommon) and then passed it to your girlfriend who then, at a later date, tested positive.* >**OP:** My healthcare provider tests me for Chlamydia every time I make an appointment. I had seen my primary care and a specialist in November. In other words, I tested negative twice in November 2022 for Chlamydia. I'm not sure what the rates are but I think two negative tests are highly unlikely. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17fleor/update_my_23m_girlfriend_21f_tested_positive_for/) - **October 24, 2023** Hello everyone, Thank you for your advice on my last post regarding a positive Chlamydia test. I believe my girlfriend is innocent. After her Chlamydia test came back positive, she initially refused antibiotic treatment. She did not tell me this at the time. Since my last post, she had a full STI panel conducted 2 days later. Throat swab and urine samples were both negative for Chlamydia. This leads me to believe the original test was a false positive. I have already begun treatment for Chlamydia exposure. I plan on continuing treatment unless told otherwise by my physician. At the end of this week, I will travel to my hometown to have full STI panel conducted on myself, but at this point I have no reason to believe that any test will be positive. I am only testing just for the sake of following procedure. **Correction: She didn't stall very long on the treatment. She received the antibiotic that morning and waited until after she had an STI panel conducted that afternoon to begin treatment.** &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

My (23M) girlfriend (21F) tested positive for chlamydia, did she cheat?

INCONCLUSIVE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17kcgns/my_23m_girlfriend_21f_tested_positive_for/

17kch0o

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/HariSeldon1517 **Need some help to solve a weather related problem for my son with ASD.** **Originally posted to** r/weather **the first 3 posts were originally posted to r/bestofpositiveupdates** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestofpositiveupdates/comments/15rds8m/need_some_help_to_solve_a_weather_related_problem/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **PREVIOUS** [BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/cRaN4v5h6E) [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/weather/comments/15dodz4/need_some_help_to_solve_a_weather_related_problem/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **July 30, 2023** So I have a 5 year old son with ASD, and he is heavily fixated with the rain animation that shows on the iPad weather app. Keep in mind it had to be rain, not "drizzle". He doesn't understand yet the connection between the weather app and the real world. He gets very upset when he can't get it to "rain" in the app, and I have to check the weather map to figure out where it's raining right now and set the app to that place. But it's very cumbersome to keep doing it constantly. I figured if I could somehow strategically curate a list of cities that when combined it would almost always be raining in at least one of them and I add them to the app, he could easily switch between them without my help. Any ideas of what cities I could combine to achieve this? Or would it have to be an extremely large list of cities? [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/weather/comments/15mhkff/update_on_my_5yo_boy_with_autism_who_was_fixated/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **Aug 9, 2023** A few days ago I posted regarding my son who has autism and wanted to have rain all the time on the weather app on his Ipad. I asked some help on figuring out cities to have so that he always has some rain (and not just drizzle) available, and got some good replies. I wanted to let you know that since then he has developed an interest in all kinds of weather. He keeps asking me for rain, drizzle, snow, thunderstorm, cloudy, windy, etc. Sometimes he adds the word "moon" before the weather he wants, so that means he wants to see the weather at night. For example: "moon snow", "moon rain", etc. The only exception to this is for clear weather, in which case he says "sunny" for clear daytime weather and "clear" for clear nighttime weather. Since it's quite unpredictable what weather he will want at any given point, I just keep adding places that match what he is asking at the moment. The most tricky weather patterns so far are: • Thunderstorm: The precipitation map only shows where precipitation is high or low, so finding thunderstorms can be tricky. • Specific levels of cloudiness/rain: He sometimes asks me for "partly cloudy" or "mostly cloudy", "heavy rain" or other specific levels of these. It's just trial and error until I find what he wants. • Drizzle: The precipitation maps aren't very precise, so areas with low precipitation sometimes have "rain", making the "drizzle" difficult to find. • Snow: As it's currently summer in the northern hemisphere, and the southern hemisphere doesn't have as many snowy areas as the North during winter, I often end up selecting points in the middle of the southern seas with high precipitation to find some snow. It's fun getting to see the weather patterns all over the world, but it can be tiresome, especially when I'm trying to focus on a task or something and he keeps changing what he wants to see. I just hope that by observing how I do it, he will eventually figure out how to find the weather he wants by himself. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/weather/comments/15pkfo1/another_brief_update_on_my_5yo_son_with_asd_who/)  **Aug 12, 2023** I just thought you would find this cute. His obsession with the weather has now translated from the iPad app to the real world. Today as we were in the car (and his tablet at home ) he started to tell me: "dad, it's mostly cloudy! Dad, I want the moon snow!" I explained to him as best as I could, with age appropriate words, that we cannot switch the weather in real life like we do in the app (by switching places) and that day and night happen on a regular timeframe that cannot be changed. He didn't get upset so hopefully he understood, but due to his limited communication I can't know for sure. Right now there's a thunderstorm going on in our town, and he started jumping with excitement on the couch saying: "mom! Dad! There's a thunderstorm!". Now I cannot wait to see how he reacts when we get the first snow of the year in a few months. [Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/weather/comments/15ulyut/yet_another_update_about_my_5yo_with_asd_who_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 18, 2023** As some of you suggested in a previous post, I got him a multi-band radio that can tune in to the NOAA broadcasts. He didn't seem to care much for it. It seems that his obsession for the weather is more visual than anything. In fact, he just recently told me "I want thunderstorm video" which basically meant that he wanted to see a real thunderstorm on Youtube instead of the animated thunderstorms that the Ipad weather app shows. He seems really interested in "flashy" weather like storms, snow, blizzards, etc, but the monotonous audio of the weather station did not catch his interest. Now on to his 8yo sister. She also has ASD and limited speech. She likes to copy everything her little brother does, so she started using the weather app too. She is not as invested in it as him (yet) so she doesn't spend as much time on it. But when she does, she always looks for sunny weather. She does not seem to be very interested in storms like her brother. In fact, the other day she was upset because she couldn't remove the "cloudy weather" from her app. Basically she couldn't because that was the current location and it is always there. The only way to "remove" it was to deny the location permission to the weather app. The real-life weather also started to affect her. Since last week, every time it gets cloudy she gets upset and starts telling me: "where is the sun?", "I lost my sun" or "I want the sun". I keep explaining to her that the sun is behind the clouds and that she will see it as soon as the clouds clear. So while the little boy seems to be obsessed with weather and especially flashy storms, his older sister prefers the tranquility of sunny days. ##**NEW UPDATES** * [Update 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/weather/s/zCE9avYAW4)  **Sept 4, 2023** As the little guy's interest in weather keeps increasing, he started to combine weather words that do not come together in the weather app. He has asked me for "heavy drizzle" (I had to explain that's just rain) or "heavy blizzard" (I had to explain that a blizzard is already heavy snow combined with strong winds). He seemed to take that well, he did not get upset over it. He started to connect the weather to other things in life. For example: the other day he started to say very excited while in the shower: "look! heavy rain!" He has also amped up the difficulty on finding the weather he wants. As he is now capable of reading all the weather words, I cannot trick him with weather that looks similar. So for example, is he asks for "fog", I need to find "fog". If I show him "haze" (which is much easier to find since there is quite often haze in Antarctica) instead, he will complain. In addition, he now doesn't ask just for a weather pattern + sun (meaning day) or weather pattern + moon (meaning night). He started to ask for "pink" (sunset) and "purple" (dusk). So now he asks me for things like "mostly cloudy pink". It is difficult to find that in the Ipad weather app, since sometimes when going eastward to find a place where the sun is setting, it jumps directly from day to night (or from night to day if I'm going westward) and it's difficult to find the in-between. But once I do, I just have to stay within the same approximate longitude to find all the weather patterns he wants (cloudy, clear, mostly cloudy, etc). I just wish there was a way to tell the Ipad weather app the weather I'm looking for and then get a location that has that combination, instead of doing the reverse and having to go around the world finding what he wants. That would allow him to get everything he wants by himself, instead of relying on me and my very rudimentary knowledge of geography and weather patterns. Someone suggested in a previous post a kids app that lets him control the weather and show the exact weather he wants, while the app gives in kid-friendly language some explanations about the weather. He loves that app and plays with it quite often, but since the Ipad weather app shows more stuff in more detail and is less "cartoony", he tends to spend more time in the Ipad weather app. Having both is still great, since the other app at least gives me some respite when he decides to use it and it's also fun for him. But I still need to figure out a more efficient ways of finding certain weather patterns, like "fog" and "blizzard", those two are always quite difficult to find. There are some patterns that haven't come up yet, but at some point he will see them and start asking about: "freezing rain", "sleet", "hail", and others that haven't come up yet because it's still Summer in the Northern hemisphere. Once he sees those, this "game" of getting him the weather he wants is going to become insanely difficult. [Update 5](https://www.reddit.com/r/weather/s/g5TmGImoRt)  **Sept 23, 2023** Yesterday at dusk the little guy got very excited. There were some cirrus clouds in front of the moon, and started shouting: "look mom, dad, moon haze!" and started jumping up and down. He probably thought that it was haze because the cirrus clouds looked similar to what "haze" looks like in the weather app. I was not able to figure out a good way of explaining to him verbally what haze is, so I showed him a Youtube video that explains the difference between haze, fog and mist (and learned it myself in the process). He didn't pay much attention. My only hope is that now that winter is approaching, we will eventually get a couple of foggy days in our area, and then he will understand what fog really is. In the process maybe I will be able to explain haze too, even if its composition is completely different, since it's visually similar. [Update 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/weather/s/Mh9aLaEUVN)  **Oct 21, 2023** We traveled out of the country for a few weeks, and we stayed with my mother. I know he took a liking to his grandma. Mind you that he doesn't say "I love you", not even to his mommy and daddy, but he is very caring in other ways. The way he showed love to his grandma is by going specifically to her room, looking out the window and then saying: "Hey look, grandma it's [sunny/cloudy/raining]!" We also got the chance to see a partial eclipse there. I gave him an old ultrasound (same material as an X ray) so that he could look at it. He got very excited but kept calling it a crescent moon. It took me about 10 minutes to get him to say the word "eclipse", and just as he said it he got bored and wanted to go back inside. And finally, yesterday (now back home) we were watching the little mermaid live action. He didn't care much about the movie but got very excited by the storm that sank Eric's ship. As the scene where Ariel sings to Eric after saving him began, he got sad and said: "what happened to my storm?" Just thought you would like these little updates. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Need some help to solve a weather related problem for my son with ASD.

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17kch0o/need_some_help_to_solve_a_weather_related_problem/

17kchlw

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/HighwayEarly7757 **Am I wrong for uninviting a friend because she doesn't approve of the gift I made for my bf?** **Originally posted to r/amiwrong** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!mentions of major surgery and ongoing medical issues, Emotional Manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/YbXWlQ0JUm)**Oct 18, 2023** I'll keep this as short as I can. At the end of the month, it's my boyfriend's (m30) birthday. I (f27) planned a dinner with some friends to celebrate. I'm a very artistic person and have decided to sculpt him a realistic heart as his birthday present. For some context, my bf spent most of his 20s in hospital. He was extremely sick and had to have open heart surgery. Thankfully, he's doing much better now but I understand that this was a major part of his life and that's why I want to incorporate it into his present. A few days ago, I told this to a mutual friend I will call Claudia. I could tell she wasn't a fan of the idea straight away. After some coaxing, Claudia said that it's insensitive to bring up his heart issues on his birthday. I think it's actually a good thing to do because I'm showing him that no matter what he may face, I love him. The sculpture also has a deeper meaning of me not just giving him a literal sculpture of a heart but a metaphor for me giving him my heart. Claudia thinks that because I didn't know my bf while he was going through this and she did, that she has a better understanding of what my bf will think of the present. Obviously I disagree. We were going around in circles, both of us were getting frustrated and she wasn't budging on her stance so eventually I said it's probably not a good idea for her to attend the dinner. I don't want her negative opinion on my gift to ruin the mood of the dinner or upset my bf. Claudia was in shock and had some choice words but left after that. My bf brought it up today that Claudia said she "isn't allowed" to go to his birthday dinner and that when he asked why, she told him to ask me. Obviously I didn't tell him because that would spoil the surprise of what his present is and so I tried to downplay it. I know this will all come out eventually and that I will have to face Claudia again at some point, probably in front of our friends. So before that confrontation happens I want to know am I wrong? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Comfortable_Most_412** >What does your bf think about Claudia not being at his birthday dinner? **OOP replied** >>he was disappointed and curious as to why she's not going. then when I refused to expand further on it, he got concerned that something serious went on between us * **RamenNoodles620** >You are wrong for uninviting her. >You had to coax her into saying how she felt. Based on that, it seems like she could have kept her comments and feelings to herself for the party. >By uninviting her, you have now added negativity to the party anyway since now your bf is left wondering what happened. **OOP replied** >>ok you're right, I guess I went too far by uninviting her. I'll text her and reinvite her to the dinner [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/NbKrBlgCWi) **Oct 19, 2023** Ok I have apologized to Claudia over the phone and reinvited her to the dinner. I think I let my own insecurities overshadow the disagreement and that's why I opted to uninvite her. A bad decision on my behalf, I know. She accepted the invite and apology. Claudia asked again about the present and I told her it's not something for her to worry about which I think is a fair statement to make. As many of you suggested, I also went into more detail and told my bf that Claudia and I argued over his birthday present. I didn't tell him what it was exactly but told him Claudia didn't think it was a good present, I disagreed and about the argument that followed. He was very understanding but wants to know more. Obviously I can't tell him too much because that would ruin the surprise of what the present is. Also, a few of you thought I was going to give him the heart sculpture during the dinner which I was never going to do. I'm planning on giving it to him beforehand but I know it will be brought up during the dinner and I feared that it being a topic of conversation would give Claudia the opportunity to voice her opinion on it. Afterwards, I asked my bf what he thought of a present which revolved around his health. He's very good humored and asked if I was searching the black market for a new heart for him lol. He is apprehensive about it but I think that's because he's scared I'm going to sign him up to some fitness regime or book him a scan for his birthday. I'm still going ahead with my sculpture as I think I will be a nice surprise as well as my original reasoning. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **notsoreligiousnow** >You’re 100% insane for giving such a tacky gift. His reaction alone screams that he’s uncomfortable with the idea. Stop. You’re going to implode your own relationship with this horrid idea for a gift. Get him concert tickets and burn that tacky sculpture that literally means nothing good to anyone but you. >**TeamClaudia** **OOP replied** >>The reason I've decided to make a handmade gift is so I could avoid giving him a tacky gift. I'm going to have a long talk with him about it before I give him the gift and I will also get him another present too. Although I do think the 'team' comment is unnecessary and dare I say, tacky [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/gpK7Jrv9tE) **Oct 24, 2023** A few people wanted me to update after my bf's birthday so here. As many of you left some nasty (although well deserved in some cases, I'll admit) comments, I was pretty upset in the days leading up to his birthday. My bf saw how upset I was and so I explained the entire situation to him. I told him about the sculpture, the full extent of my argument with Claudia and I even showed him my post on here. He was quiet while I was showing him your comments but he was never angry at me or anything like that. He was neutral until he knew everything. Afterwards, I gave him the sculpture. He took a lot of time looking at it and I explained the meaning behind it so he would understand that my intentions were pure. He did joke that I could have shown him that I love him by buying him a playstation 5 instead of sculpting a realistic heart lol but he was actually very appreciative of the amount of work and effort I put into it. He wasn't exactly thrilled with it but he was very complimentary so I'll take that as a win. I should mention that this all happened the day before his birthday so no, I did not bring the sculpture to his birthday dinner and unveil it there like many of you presumed (just to note, I never said I was going to do that). Also, I got him airpods too so the sculpture wasn't the only gift he got from me. The dinner went off without a hitch. On our way over to the restaurant, my bf asked if I was going to apologise to Claudia in person which I did immediately upon arriving. She was fine with it and made no issue and said she was actually glad that I felt as though I could tell her about the sculpture in the first place. A lot of you accused me of having a problem with Claudia and after some reflecting, I do think I am insecure about certain aspects of her friendship with my bf. This is something I'll work on going forward. The sculpture was not mentioned at the dinner, nor did I bring it up. At the end, Claudia and my bf walked out together to presumably talk about it. I walked out with some others because I'm not actually a controlling or horrible gf and have no problem giving them their space. Before we left, they hugged and he thanked her (before you start, he thanked everyone for attending so this wasn't out of the ordinary) and we both went to the cinema together. Happy ending! And just to add, I will be taking on a lot of your feedback in my previous two posts and I will be trying to better myself and be more considerate in the future. **RELEVANT COMMENTS:** **Little-Martha31204** >Over three posts now, you've shown a lack of emotional intelligence, I'm sorry but I don't think anyone trusts your read on this. >Since you've given him the gift, what did he do with it? Did he brag about it to his friends and family? Is it displayed prominently where everyone can see it? Has he mentioned to you how much he loves it? >Not exactly thrilled with it is how I would describe someone receiving socks on Christmas morning. If that's the reaction you were aiming for, then great. But I guess that it's not because of the way you worded everything. **OOP replied** >>I'm presuming he didn't mention it at the dinner in case things got awkward and I think he preferred to smooth things out with Claudia first. And yes, it's currently in his hallway for anyone who enters to see :) * **mudra311** >You seem fairly self-aware and willing to change. It's going to require demonstrating action though. >I totally get where you're coming from. You feel like an outsider and everyone is in on some 'inside joke'. I don't think you're wrong for feeling insecure. You might want to talk to a professional to work through those feelings because they are not stemming from your BF, they are coming from some more deep-seated desire within yourself to always be a part of something. >Assuming y'all stay together long term, you have so much opportunity to make your own memories together. I would sit down with your BF and talk with him openly about what he wants in the relationship and such, you can also explain where you're coming from. The goal of that convo being a clear view of where the road is taking both of you. **OOP replied** >>I think you're completely right. I think when initially meeting his friends, I felt a bit like an outsider, especially with his history with Claudia. I know I probably sound unhinged from my last 2 posts but I promise I am normally a sane human. Still, I appreciate your advice!!! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Am I wrong for uninviting a friend because she doesn't approve of the gift I made for my bf?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17kchlw/am_i_wrong_for_uninviting_a_friend_because_she/

17kdfhd

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/JojiTheKitty4](https://www.reddit.com/user/JojiTheKitty4/). They posted in r/MaliciousCompliance. Thanks to u/ChulainnRS for the recommendation! **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending seemingly for everyone!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/15rvklp/the_title_must_fit_the_job/)**: August 15, 2023** Ok, to start this I want to say I won't give out real names nor the name of the company as I have been treated very well and kept care of both in a wage sense and the ability to take care of my mental well being. So I started here at the company I'm at about two years or a little less. I was just a lackey pulling decent hours doing manual labor and helping keep the pace on our receiving end with the boys over there and got quite close and friendly with that bunch of guys. We drove forklifts lift heavy things into storage bins and crates. Pretty easy but also tasking labor. About 3 months in, I'm dragged into a meeting with my boss, his boss, and his boss. They ask if I'd like to learn more and get the opportunity to grow inside the company. I know that corporate jargon for growth and more money so obviously I said yes. Withing the next 2 months I was trained on every lift and operable machine we use. Another month after that and I was asked to take a promotion to the next pay grade and given a massive raise on top of it. Now another month passes and I'm finally taken from the department that I started with the company and moved to a easier but faster moving one. Again I do my absolute best to be there and put in hella hours to show my gratefulness for the opportunity. We get caught up and stay caught up while I'm at the helm of this department and all of my bosses are grinding ear to ear looking at my work. I feel like I'm doing well and they eventually withing weeks ask me to take another promotion and pay grade bump for a different more demanding title. Now we are where I am currently in the job I have now. At first getting a hang of the the timing and pace was very difficult. I was behind constantly and never able to clear my work completely out. Eventually a couple months in I find the rhythm and am able to clean all the work out and help other departments after I finish. Everyone is happy for like 4 months and things are only getting easier and easier for me. So being caught up to present day, everyone that has come before me for this job has left or been let go. Nobody in my building let alone department knows anything about my job. I have asked over and over to train someone so when I take a vacation they can help but it all falls on deaf ears. My head boss left for another facility and probably better pay. And was replaced by someone new to the industry and completely unaware of the situation of things and how much or little work is needed where and when. Last week Thursday I had 40+ hours in and was done with everything my department could do. New boss says everyone is mandatory for the coming Friday. I'm not hurt or dying because of it but I'm a little sad I can't hang out with family or my girlfriend because of the 5 hours minimum we work that next day. I show up, knowing my duties are already complete, I start working on the receiving center immediately to help them get caught up more and about 2-3 hours in I get called into the bosses office alone. He sits me down and tells me how much he loves my work and appreciates my time I spend to make sure we stay ahead. But now he starts in with "I would like to see you in your own department on Fridays rather than with your friends at receiving". I try to tell him that I'm done with everything I can possibly do for the week and that I am just lending a helpful hand but he is hearing none of it and immediately shuts me down. He tells me something I have heard over and over on this sub, and I quote "I don't want you doing work outside of your designated title. You're friends have their job and you have yours." Before leaving I asked for that in writing or an email knowing that leads and other employees were going to harp on me for sitting around all day and getting paid with my feet up. He obliged and I was sent back to my desk. Friday came around and I sat at my desk and texted my family and girlfriend the entire shift. Nothing to do but catch up with people. Little needs to be said but they fell well behind at receiving and the last few days. We went from waiting for the next semi to being behind and having 6 trucks waiting on us to find space. And now I refused to move my feet if I was done. My job title was firm in its description and my boss wanted me to stay at my department with no exceptions. Now the following Tuesday I have every lead and manager begging me to ignore the new hotshot and continue to help as they are missing 2 guys, 1 quit and 1 went to help his wife with their new baby. Leaving a sole guy up there at receiving by himself. I again just forward the email he sent me being as he is everyone's boss and continue to do my titles duties and nothing but my titles duties. I should also state that I'm transferring departments soon anyways so I no longer care to help the current state of affairs they have found themselves in. Better boss, better time management and better overall situation. But I will for the next two weeks only do my titles job and that alone. Sorry for the wall of text. But I had to share because I'm giddy that it actually happened to me. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Clarification:* Commenter: In a way, it sounds like the boss was looking out for you. Here you are doing all this OT (unpaid?) to cover for the others who can't or won't do their jobs in the time allotted. Perhaps the new boss is looking to rationalize the workforce and place resources where needed i.e. firing/transferring the slackers or petitioning the higher-ups for more employees. You doing other people's work just perpetuates a bad staffing system by artificially making it seem like everything is OK. OOP: "No I was doing this during regular paid hours. And it was a norm under the last boss before him for others to help when it was needed. I think he has his wires crossed somewhere." *One more interaction:* Commenter: Honestly boss is looking out for you. Now they can say “we’re behind by X and need Y more headcount”. And you’ll get more help and less burnout OOP: "No I won't. I have been here for long enough to know that it'll go overlooked simply because I finish the job every week. If he wanted to look out for us, he could have gotten to know his workforce and our goals this year. He could have brought up a meeting and discussed the needs of the facility. Instead he came in day one and laid down the law with only my department and put us even deeper in the hole. I wish this guy thought that way tho." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/17fef14/long_due_update_the_title_must_fit_the_job/)**: October 24, 2023 (2 months later)** So, it's been a long time and I am astounded it took this long for everything to pile up end the way it did. Just like my first post I'm not sharing names of people nor the business as I get treated very well and respected as an individual so I will do my part and keep from name calling. After I stopped helping other departments because my direct manager had written me an email telling me to only work on orders and transactions within my department, the other departments fell behind immediately. I'm talking about 12 hour days 5 days a week. And even then, they couldn't keep the work from piling up and drowning in parts and orders. To be clear I'm one of about 4 people who has complete access to every part of our inventory and OP softwares. Making the other departments work easier for me to do and keep organized. Without the software each order takes up much more time. Eventually the FACILITY OWNER had come in for a unexpected visit and was flustered by the lack of productivity in both other departments in the warehouse. I had just escaped to my new position which was more comfy and had less responsibilities. I was propositioned about returning to help the sinking ship that was my former job. I declined politely stating, "as long as (old fart manager) is still in that role, I choose to not return." Another month or so of work goes by and reviews are had and all sunshine and rainbows for me. I even got to the support role with my new manager being his exclusive intelligence into the inventory software. As no one before me knew how to use it or how to complete OP stages or transfers. I got better pay than I already had, I was respected and made a ton of friends in the department that had my back 100%. Sadly eventually it got the point where the warehouse was no longer delivering items to us or any other department because they were so heavily behind. They asked several times and I declined all of them as the manager had not changed. It got to the point where I worked 2 of my 10 hours a day and sat around talking the other 8 waiting for parts or tools to be brought by forklift. Which would either never show up or show up at the end of the day. Then last Monday happened. I was called into a meeting along with all other people who had access to the inventory system and had been at this company for a while and they told everyone they were hiring temporary help for a while to fix the fuck up that had happened. They also explained that the manager that I had problems with decided to resign and they were going to fill his spot from within because they wanted someone that was intimate with the information. They hired a guy I thought should have been the manager from the start and he made leaps and bounds in the warehouse and caught up within the week of being in the new position. Things were looking up finally. He then called me into a meeting, and asked me to return to warehouse at double my current pay and I would be doing the same thing, but for the whole building. I would have a lot more on my plate but I would always be busy and work would feed itself to me through our software and I would work based on the orders fed directly to me. I accepted obviously. I no longer had to do an allotted amount of work for the day and helped the whole building whenever the order came through. It's been amazing. I hope this wasn't too late to share the ending of what was a crazy couple months here. ***Relevant Comments:*** *On the replacement manager:* "He was the guy right behind him in the pecking order. He knew how everything worked because he has been with the company for 15+ years and EARNED the title and salary."

Malicious Compliance: The title must fit the job

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17kdfhd/malicious_compliance_the_title_must_fit_the_job/

17kdfwh

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Tricky\_Hopes](https://www.reddit.com/user/Tricky_Hopes/). He posted in r/AITAH **Trigger Warning:** >!parental alienation; possible child neglect!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!moving toward a happy ending, hopefully? Maybe?!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17elvi1/aitah_for_telling_exwife_that_being_a_part_time/)**: October 23, 2023** I (m36) met my ex wife (f33) when I was 25. We fell in love and the children came sooner than we planned but it just happened and I love the hell out of my children (f9 and, m7,5 and f5). First few years of our relationship was great but then it wasn’t. Looking back it wasn’t anyone’s fault we just became very different people. After f5 our sexlife became nonexistent. It felt like for my wife, the purpose of fucking me was done now we have three beautiful children. After 3 years we started having sex again in a form of mercy handjobs in bed. It wasn’t enough for me. But she told me that she is tired and busy with 3 small children. I was tired too but I was more than prepared to make effort to make plans and time for romance (not only sex that suffered but even intimacy and romance). I had vasectomy so ex wife didn’t need to take unnecessary hormones because we were done having children. When it started affecting our children, seeing us very irritated and cold towards each other, I thought I should man up and pull the plug. We haven’t been happy or intimate since before our second was born. And we haven’t had real sex since we conceived our youngest. We should have ended it way earlier but the guilt of breaking the children’s home was heavy until I noticed that our home was already broken and my children aren’t stupid not to see the sellotape we’re trying to hold it together with. I asked for divorce. Everyone told me I was mad and to think about the children and it was very hard in the beginning yes. I left the house for my ex. I rented a 2 bedroom nearby and we started doing one week each. I was positively surprised at how much happier the children became seeing me happy and not easily irritated and brooding. I started seeing my gf(f40) about a year ago and what was thought to be a casual one time thing turned out to be the love of my life. She is amazing in every aspect. Kind, loving, successful funny and so fucking beautiful. She is child free and she was happy that I was done having children. On my child free weeks I can just be with her. Just being me. Late breakfasts in bed. Morning sex. Wherever I want in the home. I know it makes me sound like a selfish douche but on my weeks, I give 100% because I’m content and happy with life. She has met my children too and they adore her. Why this lengthy background? I’ll tell you. My ex (and my ex mother in law and my own mother behind her) has been hinting that maybe we should go back together now. The children are older, we are less tired and we are much happier now so we aren’t going to fight all the time like we used to. She wants a real relationship too and she will give me as much sex as I wanted (wow is that really what she thinks I want? More mercy fucks for my sake?) Think of the children. Ex is tired of being a single mom while I’m playing a bachelor every other week. Give them their old safe home back. No need for hopping from place to place. While the guilt was nagging at me I rejected her advances and ignored her and the guilt because I’m happy for the first time in years, maybe ever. Until Friday when my gf came home crying. She asked me maybe we should break up and that she doesn’t want to be in the way of my and my children’s happiness. She asked me if I still was in love with my ex. It broke my heart to see her broken like I didn’t do a good job showing her what she meant to me and how much I loved her. Turned out ex wife has contacted her telling her that she was the reason we aren’t back together and the children are suffering. That we love each other and she is “my fun” for now. I called my ex livid and she called me selfish. I then told her that being a part time dad was the best thing that ever happened to me because I’m a human not only a father. My ex wife started crying. I apologized for hurting her but she hung up. Now I’m being bombed by my mom and the rest that I’m a selfish man and a terrible father. My mom even sent me a video with my children where she asked them how they would feel if mommy and daddy moved back together and they were so happy saying yes and jumping. I can’t forget my daughter’s face lighting up with happiness at the prospect. This video was sent to my gf as well and now she is distant and broken. I hear her cry whenever she thinks I don’t hear her. Am I being wrong here. Am I being a terrible parent? What my family doesn’t understand is that my children’s happiness now is the result of me leaving our toxic depressig existence but how can you explain that to small children? ***Relevant Comments:*** *On ex vs girlfriend:* "She doesn’t have ppd or any type of depression. I think she wasn’t attracted to me (maybe ever) but wanted children. With the GF is different. She is distant now and whenever I tell her I love her she tears up and says that she’s a bad person. So yeah, I’m losing both my children and the love of my life" *You need to work hard to prove to your gf that you love her and are in this for the long haul:* "She is staying this weekend when my children come home. She has agreed to stay the whole weekend even if she is a bit freaked out. I think she truly believes she’s standing in the way of a family reuniting. I can’t just tell her with words that I wouldn’t be with my ex whether she was in the picture or not. I left my wife even before I knew my gf even existed. I left even before I knew I was worthy of being loved. I need to show her" *Question: are you and the mom shouldering equal responsibility for your kids? Like, are you taking them shopping for new shoes, remembering to schedule their dentist appointments, handling school emails...etc?* "Almost all these things are done by me. Even on her weeks I drive the children to school because she doesn’t want to get up early" *Calling yourself a part-time dad is gross:* "I’m sorry you feel it is gross. I thought so too because this is what society told us what parenting is to submit us to live unhappy. I found out from my own experience that being a part time dad (in the sense that they LIVE with me part time not that I deny their existence part time) is actually pretty awesome and I’m sure I’m not the only single parent out there that thinks having the children part time is actually awesome. Men and women. Sorry if this grosses you out even more but go puke somewhere else" *There are plenty of people who are happy having their children full time:* "That’s true. But divorced parents who can’t be with their children aren’t incomplete either. We find ither ways to be happy and content and this is one truth we don’t dare to admit (because then the superior breed of people sticking together for the children are grossed out)." *Isn't your ex also single every other week?* "She is yes. Her summer fling didn’t work so I am the backup plan" *Please tell me you lost your mind on your mom:* "My first reaction was anger at myself and horror at what I have done. But yeah the anger and disappointment at my mom came later when I had time to think. It was a shitty thing to do." "I don’t know how many time she has done this. She only started acting like that when i told her that I was in love with my gf. I was surprised that her reaction was anger rather than happiness in seeing me happy. Before tht she never told the children anything" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17fk0cp/update_i_told_my_exwife_that_being_a_part_time/)**: October 24, 2023 (Next Day)** Thanks everyone for the advice and suggestions. I’m overwhelmed with the amount of the support I got here. Here is my updated but before that I want to address the elephant in the room and that is that I have stepped on my toes with my bold statement about being divorced. I think the more expected and virtuous approach is to be devastated and guilt ridden. My experience is something else however and I really tried to be genuine and honest here. Divorce is hard and terrifying. Many people (both men and women) hesitate and stay way longer than necessary because of one reason or another. I can’t tell all unhappy people to get divorced since I don’t know ya’lls situation but for those who can, do it. I was trying to explain what I have discovered. The positive side of having shared custody because only the negative is talked about. I’m sure many divorced people get what I meant by having every other week child free is awesome. We are humans with feelings. Our love for our children doesn’t stop or take a break when they’re out of sight. They don’t need to be present for us to love and think about them. I will double down and say that being a part time parent is just awesome no matter the gender. It is ok to feel that way. You are not a lesser parent for it. I have talked to my mother about what she did. She was very remorseful. Apparently dad has had a talk with her about this too (he was shocked at what she’s done) and she seems to have realized the seriousness of what she done. I took her apology but I was firm on my boundaries and that I didn’t want her to be in my childrens life for a while, until I have sorted out their feelings and talked to them. She was reluctant to acknowledge my gf however and I made it clear that after the children she is my priority before myself and definitely before her(mom) so how much she wants to be in my life depends on how much she respects my life and the people I love. I have talked to my ex-wife too. I made it clear that under no circumstances is she ever to contact my gf again. I told her that this was still a new relationship and any contact is going to be with me. I told her that my gf has nothing to do with my decision of divorce. I have no romantic feelings for her and that I know she doesn’t have any feelings for me either. She wants me out of convenience. I don’t. She started crying and telling me that I didn’t get to tell her what she’s feeling. I agreed and apologized. I told her then I will only speak on my behalf. I want us to be friends and to raise our children to be the great people they’re on the path to becoming. I don’t want them to be used at pawns in this sick game she and the mothers are playing. I will not allow it and will do whatever it takes to protect them. I suggested that we can start family therapy because I needed her to understand the turmoil her and my mother put our children through. I never want that to happen again. She told me that she didn’t want my gf to be in their lives yet because she didn’t know her. Fair enough but I reminded her that our agreement is that when a relationship is serious, that’s when we introduced our new partners to our children. And this is going to happen eventually so she better get used to it. I also talked to her about me not going to take her workload on her weeks meaning that I won’t be dropping by every morning to wake up the children and take them to school. She will have to start waking up in the morning like any other parent out there. About the food, I will still send home cooked food with my children on the weeks they’re with her because I know that I can’t demand her to cook but at the same time I don’t want my children to eat junk food. About me mentioning that her home is a pigsty, I know that my eldest daughter has mentioned that it wasn’t always pleasant at mommy’s house but again, now I don’t live there to clean, I can’t demand my ex to live in a way she doesn’t want to. I have however offered that the Fridays my children go home to her to spend the week, I will send a cleaning service so the children have a somewhat clean environment. She agreed. She was angry about having to wake up early however because she usually starts work at 10am. I guess she will have to adjust. About my gf. We were supposed to spend the coming weekend together with the children but I will respect my ex wife’s wishes for now at least until we have gone to some sessions with the children and I can bring it up again. She is spending the rest of this week with me however. I know that she feels guilty. I have tried to explain that she has nothing to do with whatever happened and that she was dragged into this situation without any reason because with or without her I would never go back to my old life. That I left this marriage before I even knew she existed. I don’t know if she believed me or felt reassured she just said that she loved me. I apologized to her and I will try to make her feel comfortable with me again. I guess this is one of these tests relationships hit and we shall see if our connection is strong enough to overcome this. I think it is. If I forgot anything just ask. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Commenter- Uhh you let your kids live with a person who doesn’t clean their home, doesn’t wake the kids up, doesn’t take them to school and can’t feed them? Why the fuck do you let her have any custody at all…* "That’s gonna change. This was just the routines at home before divorce that we didn’t really divide properly. Maybe I’m a bit of a control freak too, my gf mentioned that I needed to trust that my ex wife also has her children’s interest at heart but won’t step up when someone else is doing everything. If she neglects her duties and my children aren’t in school or miss important appointments that’s another story and I will be taking measures. My ex is chaotic and lazy and has more relaxed attitude when it comes to chores etc. many people are like that and it doesn’t make them worse than others. It just made us less compatible and easier for me to want to leave because we are different people. The children are well loved by her and they love her. I never heard of child services taking away children from their parents because they eat McDonalds for dinner. Let’s be realistic here." *More on kids and how they feel with their mom:* "Not exactly a shitty life but a more chaotic one. My daughter expressed that she preferred less chaos but it isn’t like any of them are suffering. She loves her children" "She does feed them. It is just not the type of food that I wnt them to eat. This is complicated because she isn’t wrong in not sharing my ideas of what cleanness and quality is. But I have offered to make some meals and she agreed. The rest of her week they eat what she offers, McDonalds etc." *What happened to your agreement about waiting to introduce significant others?* "Well, she knew I have introduced my gf. But she has made it very clear that she was angry about it. Even threatened not to send them at times when she knew my gf is gonna be there. Now I want to approach a different strategy and give her the benefit of the doubt. She was crying when we talked and I agreed to believe that she isn’t comfortable because she doesn’t know my gf. I want to speak to my children about what happened and see a counselor with them and I will introduce the fact that my gf is here to stay in a safe environment for everyone. So this weekend my gf is staying at her place"

AITAH for telling ex-wife that being a part time dad has been the best year of my life?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17kdfwh/aitah_for_telling_exwife_that_being_a_part_time/

17kdg5t

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/BookmobileLesbrarian](https://www.reddit.com/user/BookmobileLesbrarian/). They posted in r/Libraries **Mood Spoiler:** >!wholesome af!< This is a short and sweet post. **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Libraries/comments/16yvpxe/do_you_have_any_transgendery_books/)**: October 3, 2023** A lovely woman at a senior living center I visit with the bookmobile was chatting with me, and told me that her nurse from last night, and her grandchild, were both 'transgendery' and asked if I had any books on the subject. "But you probably don't have any books on that kind of stuff." I was quite happy to tell her that we have a large selection spread between the four libraries that the bookmobile pulls from, and that I would bring several next time I visit for her to choose from. She lit up and thanked me profusely. Sometimes I really, really love this job. 😊 ***Relevant Comments:*** "I live in SW Virginia, so when she started talking I was like, 'Oh boy, here we go, just smile and nod'. I was so happy when she explained why she wanted the books!" *What books do you suggest?* "I will keep that book in mind! The bookmobile services two rural counties, so I have a rotating 3-week schedule. I promised her I'd bring a selection of books next time I'm at that stop. I was thinking: "Self-ish" by Chloe Schwenke"Beyond Magenta" by Susan Kuklin"Love Lives Here" by Amanda Jette Knox""You're in the wrong bathroom!" : and 20 other myths and misconceptions about transgender and gender-nonconforming people" by Laura Erickson-Schroth"The Trans Generation" by Ann Travers"What's the T?" by Juno Dawson"Gender Queer" by Maia Kobabe I just looked it up and we have "This Is How It Always Is" in our system, I'll definitely bring a copy of that as well! She did mention she likes having fiction novels as well as non-fiction for when it all 'gets a little dry'. I'm so lucky to have patrons like her! Thank you so much for your recommendation!" *Funny note from OOP:* "When I started working as a librarian (I was an associate librarian for 3 years before getting the bookmobile job), I was astonished to find that most of the raunchy harlequin novels with half-naked models on the front were checked out by the sweetest, most mild-mannered elderly people. It always cracks me up. Get it, grandma!" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Libraries/comments/17ffkvg/update_to_do_you_have_any_transgendery_books/)**: October 24, 2023 (3 weeks later)** So I showed the lovely patron with the transgender grandchild the LGBTQIA+ books I brought, and she looked at me confused and said, "Oh, I don't want to read about it, I have a live one!" Turns out she didn't want books on LGBTQIA+, she was just wondering if we had books about it in the library for *others* to read and learn about it, and I misinterpreted it as a request. Still, she's happy we have so many different resources for people to use when educating themselves. So still a win! (I just about burst a blood vessel trying not to laugh when she loudly said, 'I have a live one!' You are an awesome grandma, ma'am!)

"Do you have any transgendery books?"

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17kdg5t/do_you_have_any_transgendery_books/

17kdgxg

TW: talk of infidelity &#x200B; [**Aita for having a foursome without my partner while in a committed relationship?**](https://www.tumblr.com/am-i-the-asshole-official/727379628569804800/aita-for-having-a-foursome-without-my-partner) submitted anonymously to [am-i-the-asshole-official.tumblr.com](https://am-i-the-asshole-official.tumblr.com) on September 2, 2023 I, 18f, am in a relationship with my partner who I will call Mike, 21m. Our relationship started in January when we meet on a hookup sight, and we liked the hookup enough to keep seeing each other and then we developed feelings. I'm from a pretty rural place and therefore the pickings of good men are slim so it felt like I hit the jackpot when I met Mike cause he was funny and didn't pressure me sexually and could actually make me cum. But as our relationship became more serious I noticed things that were bothering me like how he's hardly on his phone so he doesn't text me back for anywhere from 2 to over 24 hours at a time. He also in the beginning wasn't very good at communicating which lead me to not knowing what he wants from our relationship. He also wouldn't tell me he couldn't make plans until right before, or even after, the plans were meant to start. This happened often because he doesn't tell his parents that he has other plans when they ask him to do something (he still lives with his parents) and it even happened a couple times with his friends. This is a slightly big issue to me because I have trauma based abandonment issues and BPD, and I will get upset and have an episode. Obviously it's not his fault I have these episodes and he's not causing them on purpose, but having episodes that often was negatively effecting my mental health. My best friend Ken and roommate, 18n, and our two other friends, Julian, 18n, and Mac, 20n, had to witness the toll these episodes had on my mental health as I grew more depressed and anxious during the 5 months I allowed this to happen. They continuously encouraged me to either speak to him about his behavior or break up and I ended up talking to him and his behavior seemed to get better. (For context I only can see him about once a week because he has a job with long hours and works on his dad's farm on top of that) Around this time my friends starting having threesomes together (Mac and Julian are ex fuck buddies and Mac and Ken are engaged) and they kept making jokes about how it should be a foursome/I should join then. I brought these jokes up to Mike one of the times he was going to hang out with my friends incase made the joke in front of him as i didn't want him to go in unprepared. He said I should just "have sex with them to get the joke to stop" and I was like "??? We agreed to be exclusive, that would be cheating. Also if I wanted them to stop I could just ask" and he was like "yeah I guess but I still think you should just have sex with them. Just do it" I changed the subject cause I couldn't tell if he was joking and it made me uncomfortable. I told my friends later when we were alone and they told me that was him giving me the go to have sex with them. So I did, even though I held some reservations that he might have been jokinh. I had a foursome with them, and as I am the photographer of the group, took lots of photos and pictures and even sent the photos and pictures to the groupchat we share so the others could have them. Then after it ended I started to second guess myself and deleted all the photos from my phone and texted Mike that I really needed to talk to him, like sooner then we usually would (since I had just seen him typically I wouldn't see him until next week). I felt gross like I had cheated, which is something I have always vehemently been against, and betrayed Mike's trust as we're in a committed relationship. I admitted these feelings to my friends and they said it wasn't cheating cause he told me too and even if he hadn't he was still horrible to me and he deserved it. Only the last part made me feel even worse cause I don't believe anyone deserves to be cheated on. I ended up telling Mike everything and he told me that it wasnt cheating because I "was basically just a promoted camera man" and that he had told me to do it anyway. But them he started making jokes about it. Like if I asked if he wanted to watch a show, he'd say "I don't watch TV shows with dirty cheaters" or things like "oh yeah, Mac, your other boyfriend" or "yeah i know how close you and Ken are" and just generally seems to get quieter when i bring up those three friends. I would originally think the comments were teasing as he's a playful guy but he started to say it enough that I can't tell if there's actually truth to it and a part of him thinks I'm a cheater, or all of him thinks I'm a cheater and he's lying that he's fine about it to not hurt my feelings/ruin our relationship. Every time I voice my feelings to my friends (even the ones I didn't have sex with) they tell me that I'm not in the wrong but I feel like I definitely am in the wrong and a cheater, and I think that Mike might feel that way too. So I've come to Tumblr to look for unbiased options on whether or not I am and asshole and a cheater for having a foursome while in a committed relationship? &#x200B; *Judgement was NTA at 47.7% of the vote, with ESH coming in second at 29.9%.* &#x200B; [**Update**](https://www.tumblr.com/aitafoursome/727386116543660032/aita-for-having-a-foursome-without-my-partner) added from [aitafoursome.tumblr.com](https://aitafoursome.tumblr.com) on September 2, 2023 Hello, @ am-i-the-asshole-official, I am the person who submitted this post. First to the to the people commenting it is similar to another post I sent, I sent a post previously while having an episode at like 3am due to stress from my guilt and therefore I assumed it would be poorly worded with typos and spelling mistakes and probably deleted. Obviously it wasn't so I apologize for any confusion. I sat Mike down and talked to him about the situation and asked him to be honest about the comments. He said that I truly didn't bother him at all and he didn't mean for his comments to come across in a snide way. He has since made an effort to see me more and text me more and we moved from social media's to actual texting because he said one of the main reasons he didn't like to text me is cause social media's stress him out from the amount of people texting him all at once. He also deleted all of his social media off his phone which doesn't really pertain to the situation but it happened at the same time so I'm going to include it just in case. I also communicated with my friends that their jokes make me uncomfortable and we discussed boundaries, even writing them down on the apartment white board so there are visual reminders. Mile has also been hanging out with my friends now, and gets along with them great and doesn't make those jokes any more. In fact he really like Mac and they've been bonding over their mutual love for UFC. Julian, Mac, and Ken are no longer having threesomes and Julian is actually in the talking stage with a guy from their work. If anyone has any further questions or if I missed something feel free to ask. &#x200B; *(Note: could not find referenced previous post, potentially deleted)*

Aita for having a foursome without my partner while in a committed relationship?

EXTERNAL

passingthrough3333

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17kdgxg/aita_for_having_a_foursome_without_my_partner/

17l3roo

**I am NOT OOP. OOP posted to two accounts** u/No-Yogurtcloset-3187 and u/Equivalent_Yam_1924 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITA For Not Giving Into My Sisters "Simple Request" At The Cost Of My Niece/Nephew?** **Editor's Note: Added spaces for readability** Triggers Warnings: >!threats of abortion, verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, body shaming, emotional blackmail!< --- &nbsp; **Posted to u/No-Yogurtcloset-3187 which is now deleted. The post has been retrieved by rareddit** [Original Post](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/178ydvk/aita_for_not_giving_into_my_sisters_simple/) - **October 16, 2023** Throw away acc. This is too big of a situation that I don't feel okay to put on my actual reddit account. I really know how else to say this so I will just come right out with it... Almost 2 months ago, my younger sister (23 aka 'Lucy' for this) & her fiance held a big dinner event with all of our family, his family, our mutual friends, their friends, & every soul she knew because they had some big news they wanted to tell everyone. They found out a few weeks prior that they are expecting. Of course we were all very very excited for them. As soon as everything settled down, Lucy then stood up & made a toast to me. She said she was thankful for having a bigger in size & in heart sister like me to gift my wedding dress to her since she is getting married in November (I'm only 136 & did not think I was actually fat at the time). I, shocked & embarrassed, tried to ask her what she means by that as polite as possible. My step mom responded with "Don't worry, it's just one of those sister teasings you have never been able to comprehend" & for us to all talk about it later. It was all too much for me and I was humiliated by everything & burst into tears in front of everyone & went to the bathroom while my stepmom said "See" & mocked me & telling me to grow up. They both did end up coming into the bathroom after 30 min. Lucy said I ruined the most exciting news of a lifetime but could not possibly understand that since me & my fiance want to continue a CF lifestyle. I asked her much more rudely why the hell she thought I would be giving her my wedding dress. Apparently her & my stepmom had talked & decided that since my wedding was not until March, & since I am fatter than them, I would not mind just loaning my dress (that I have not even picked up yet from alterations) or buying another one since I had saved & invested with my "big degrees" into my wedding that I can afford special alterations. I double majored in aerospace engineering & theatre & my fiance majored into physics & philosophy. Thanks to my degree & skills, I designed my wedding dress. Both of them have always hated this. She also said that it's okay if it was not altered because I am so much bigger there would not be any alterations needed for her to fit my dress. I told her absolutely not. Lucy then said that if I don't give it to her then I am no longer a brides maid. I told her that's fine & left the bathroom. Everyone except my dad, Lucy's fiance, & my fiance left. They consoled me & said they would talk to my stepmom & sister about everything & I left. The next day, both my sister & my stepmom blew up my phone saying I am destroying the family & clearly don't care about my soon-to-be niece or nephew by not allowing my sister have my dress. I never responded & ended up getting a group of family & Lucy's friends on their side harassing me on social media, phone, email, & in person for a week. It only stopped because my BIL told Lucy he would be leaving her if she did not cut it out. Things have been quiet ever since then until tonight when I got a call from my sister saying she has a scheduled an abortion tomorrow for her baby girl since she can't fit into her dress. She then said that I could stop all of this if I just honored her simple request of giving her my dress. This is where I am for sure not just wrong but a major bitch... I don't care if a person gets a abortion or not. What you do with your body is up to you, & I don't blame anyone from getting one done. From experience, making that decision is one of the hardest thing to make in life. BUT... It did piss me off & I told her that if she was aborting her baby over a dress then she does not deserve to have any children & her baby girl can be a gift from God to another person who will actually love her & not place fabric over her. She responded since I am CF I don't know what a good parent is, the length of a mothers love, or be able to provide that to kids & could never be better than her. I hung up on her & she sent me a text with a picture of documents showing when, where, & time of the appointment. The text said I had until 11:30am (the time of the appointment) to change my mind. I called her fiance & told him everything & sent him screenshots of the text she sent. He said she had no clue about the abortion or the gender of their baby & was going straight home to talk to her about it. They did get into a huge fight & now my BIL is staying in our guestroom for a while &, very understandingly, looks very red & swollen in the face from crying. None of can sleep now & can't While I questioned her moral choice to pick fabric over a baby, it's the same question I am asking myself. I feels extreme for me to be this protective over it & at the cost of a baby that is wanted, already loved by us, & can be given a great life with a great father. Am I the asshole? I honestly am thinking about just giving in & giving her my dress but I just have to get some outside views & input on this situation. Any thoughts would be very helpful & and thank you so much in advanced! &nbsp; **AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the comments, OOP was NTA** &nbsp; **Posted to u/Equivalent_Yam_1924** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17ge6sp/only_update_aita_for_not_giving_into_my_sisters/) - **October 25, 2023** only update: AITA For Not Giving Into My Sisters "Simple Request" At The Cost Of My Niece/Nephew? Before I get to the only update I plan to give, I wanted to answer some common questions people had (yes, I did end up loosing my throw away for breaking Reddits rules. This is a 2nd throw away to keep my privacy). Im going to keep everything as short & sweet as I can. Yes, my stepmom & sister have ALWAYS made fun of me for not being skinny on the same level they are my whole life. It did give me some personal issues that I had to seek a professional to overcome. My father has been VERY involved in trying to stop issues they have caused. He has called them on their BS many times, but they always never listen, sulk about it, & move on until their next drama. My dad is religious & does not believe in divorce (although I wish he did because his wife makes him miserable from the drama & cheating scandals she has partaken in over the years). My mother died when I was very young from throat cancer & that is why I never mentioned her & why she was not there (if you need a sign to quit smoking, let this be it). It had nothing to do with bad blood or anything. Lucy is 23 & I am 27. Yes, she is legit pregnant (BIL made sure the night they got into it) & yes she legit had an appointment with the abortion clinic. Someone asked where my significant other was in all of this and how he felt about it. He was just as upset as I was & has never liked going to any event on my family sides because of my stepmom & sister's drama. He felt the same as everyone else X10 about letting her abort it until BIL came to crash here. No, she did not tell my parents that I had an abortion. Very few people knew about that because of their stance on this subject. My dad was very supportive & understanding & is anything but the crazy Catholics I have met in this world. My stepmom did freak out & wanted to tell the world of how shameful of a human I was. Originally, I did not plan to update. After reading a few comments the night I posted, I logged out & got some sleep. the next day, I had TONS of comments from you all. I did take them all in on what should be done AFTER talking to BIL. Before I did anything, I wanted to get his input since this is his child & personal life. I asked him the next day about everything & how he felt. I am not going to share everything that was said because most of it was heated & he did say a lot of messed up things in a rage (which is understandable). He said he went home & confronted her but she denied consistently until he showed her the screenshots of our text & call logs. She, apparently, tried to tell him it was all made up & claimed it was to show everyone just how much of a heartless bastard I was to allow harm to come to a child. He did demand to see the paperwork & took them when he left. He said he asked her if she was even pregnant at all, to which she said yes, & made her take a test (which came back positive). He also asked her if the baby was a girl & she told him she did not know. She was not far enough to know just yet. From what BIL said, he told her that it was over & that if she does go through with the abortion, he would send the text, call log, and a copy of the abortion clinic paperwork to everyone they knew, & would be fighting for full custody of the baby once it arrives. Lucy has called my work & personal phone along with my fiances phone everyday now, trying to see if we will talk to him & convince him to come home & take her back, & it's gotten worse in the past 24hrs. Im not sure what went down but he did end up sending everything to just the family a day ago after she asked to meet up & talk about everything with him. My phone has been blowing up with people asking a bunch of questions & apologies for not stepping in to stop certain things in my life with her. Stepmom is not happy with with Lucy & even more upset with me for "ending a happy family". Dad & other family members are refusing to talk to Lucy. Some have gone as far as asking her to not contact them at all even when the baby is here (which feels too far, personally to me. The child did nothing wrong here). There is A LOT more going on that I will not go into because of this mess. I also don't know if she did or did not follow through with the abortion. BIL is not staying with his parents & is looking for a place to move to. I am about to start counseling myself because this has kicked up a lot of personal things for me about my own abortion that I had, & our wedding is still on but we are now just thinking of eloping instead of having a wedding because of everything. Thank you for those who commented with your advice & helped me process everything as well as gave me ideas that could be used as a solution, especially MuntjackDrowning. Your message really hit hard for us & encouraged my significant other to talked to my BIL about it & allowed him to get some of his own hurt out to think a little bit better. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA For Not Giving Into My Sisters "Simple Request" At The Cost Of My Niece/Nephew?

INCONCLUSIVE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17l3roo/aita_for_not_giving_into_my_sisters_simple/

17l3s73

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/lrhun, **originally posted to** r/EntitledPeople **Entitled Ex ghosted my friend then demands a room in our house** Trigger Warnings: >!stalking, homophobia, verbal and emotional abuse, harassment.!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17a4olt/entitled_ex_ghosted_my_friend_then_demands_a_room/?share_id=_yS0isIN5Evo2V-wiN0Zu&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 17, 2023** This isn't my ex, but my best friend's ex. She and I have been friends for years and live together now. And now we live with my parents who adore her like their own daughter. I got her permission to post this. My friend (30F) came to the US from Latin America at 19 as a student. She also started dating her ex (29M) after many years of hanging with each other both during vacations and online. I knew them both since HS and they seemed good together. She tried to convince him to move together a few years before their breakup. He was living with his parents who wanted him to leave. At this point she had already finish college and had a job in the US that granted her a visa. He had quit college and worked part time. From what I can gather, he didn't want to leave his parents' place because free food and no rent. So instead she asked me if I wanted to move with her so we could afford a bigger place. I said yes and we moved together, adopted a cat and a dog, and pretty much became Grace and Frankie. Around the start of the pandemic, things got bad for them. This is what I was told and what I saw. They never talked or hang out or anything. I was in a breakup at that time myself, so I wasn't really on top since I had my own issues, but my friend cried so much. She didn't even get a happy birthday. After a year of no contact, she assumed the relationship was over. She changed all her social media to single, which he could see, took him off her emergency contacts at work and at her doctors, and just moved on with her life. This year my stepdad's health has gone downhill and my mom needs help caring for him. She works full time as a therapist. I work from home and my job is very flexible. So I put in the idea of all of us living together and I'll care for my dad. Eventually I'll care for my mom too. My mom loved the idea and asked my bestie if she wanted to move with us too so we could all be together and also because at this point, I can't see myself not being in the same house as her. We've come to terms in being single ladies. Heck, we've joked that one of us should adopt and we've become parent/aunt dynamic. And now the joke is more serious since I'm considering it and she's incredibly supportive. (No, we're not dating. She's straight, I'm bi. We're just incredibly close after all the BS we've lived through together.) We found a perfect house. 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bathrooms. Enough space, a yard, everything we need. And we got it after a bunch of difficulties and arrangements. Since I don't have immediate plans for adopting yet, I have a ton of paperwork and years of planning ahead, we made the extra room into our office/gaming hub. We both work at the same place, totally not on purpose they were hiring and we both needed visas. And as proud first time home owners, we posted pictures. Her ex, who by this point has been MIA for 3 years, messaged her saying he was so excited to move into the new house. She told him this was her house with me and my parents. He said since they were a couple she should kick me and my parents so he could move in. I want to point out that my parents bought the house. We, friend and I, will pay them our parts over the years. And if she decides to move out, I'll finish paying and I'll buy her part out. This is all in paper and signed. So she obviously told him he was not moving with us and that he ghosted her so there was no relationship. He went on a tirade that he never broke up with her, that she was abandoning him, that she never cared about him, etc. I got pissed off, took the phone from her and told him he could live in a bear cave for all I care, but to leave my friend and -our- house alone. He went ballistic and began calling us some names... referring to the LGBTQ+ community... that would probably get this post flagged... so I'll leave it to your imagination. My friend started crying and I was absolutely done with him. I never thought he was abusive, but my friend confessed to me that this was not new. He always had issues with the two of us living together and accussed her often of cheating on him with me. We ended the call, and I told her she needed to block him for her own sanity's sake. She deserves SO MUCH BETTER than this manchild. She got me to leave my abusive ex when I was in HS. She took me to the hospital when he beat me up and call my parents. My friend is family and I'll be dead before I let some bastard with commitment issues make her suffer. Since then he's gone on a major campaign in our friend group to say my friend abandoned him and left him homeless since apparently he cancelled his lease after he saw we bought a house. He also claims we're lesbian satanists that probably abuse our pets and are mooching of my parents. Most of my friends know the story and know my friend and I moved together at first out of necessity, then we just don't see ourselves not living together. So yeah, my friend's ex is a nutcase and if he ever gets close to her again, I will personally give him a free vasectomy. Update: Hey everyone, a bit quick on the update, but some people asked if our friends knew where the ex was hiding for 3 years and I was actually curious. Since I was down for the count at work today I had time to check with my friends and find out more. Apparently my bestie did ask them, but they didn't know. From what they tell me, he kinda got back into everyone's life in the last year or so, but he was part of the group because they were bestie's friends, not really his. I don't personally know many of his own friends, to be fair. I did track down the ex's sister thanks to social media, and poked her for info. She's very nice and always treated my bestie right. I told her what her brother did and her response was very interesting: Apparently, the ex was dating other girls, until his parents decided to move outside the US. He's now living in a friend's couch. The last she heard was a couple of days past when they went out for coffee. He was saying he got this brand new house and was going to be moving in this week. As far as she knew, my bestie begged him to take her back and let her live in -his- house. I did correct her and said that no, Bestie is living with me and my parents, in our new house. Her reaction was 'of course he lied' and just thanked me for letting her know he was bullshitting. Aside that, I do want to report we are safe, he doesn't know where we live and most people don't because we're not really ready to open pandora's box and having friends come over. We also need time to figure out who we want in the know. We won't be going to the police unless something serious happens just because this is technically not a crime, but we are going to keep recordings and printi text conversations. If he tries anything, we have all our papers in order, and just in case I plan to contact our company's HR so they know the situation. The company we work for can provide us free legal counsel if things get bad. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17gnci6/my_friends_entitled_ex_turns_into_a_stalker/?share_id=KZGzKfjTFto8zXuoI4qvF&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 25, 2023** Well, seems I'm stuck in a saga now. Once again, I have full permission from my friend to share this. Link to the OG post: https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17a4olt/entitled_ex_ghosted_my_friend_then_demands_a_room/ As my first post said, my friend's ex ghosted her and then decided to try to move in with her, and by extension me, after years of no contact. My friend told him where he can go. For a bit, it was actually pretty calm. She did cut contact and block him as many suggested, and between the two of us, my bestie and I did some culling in our friend group of people we knew were passing information to her ex. We've settled in the new house together and she actually gets along better with my parents sometimes than I do. Guess she's the golden child now. Sadly eventually we had to adult and get much needed food. We went to walmart in town together and by some bad luck we crossed paths with her ex. I wish all of it was just awkward glances and each on their way. But no, at first he tried to talk to her. My friend said she didn't want to speak to him and didn't want him near her. I mostly reminded him I wanted to rip his spine and beat him to death with it. Sadly that didn't deter him from following us around like the most obnoxious toilet paper stuck to shoe. We did our shopping and headed to the car with him still after us. I told my friend for her to get into the car and start the gear, and lock it while I loaded the groceries. Her Ex then decided to appeal to me to talk to my friend about taking him back. I don't know what power held me back from committing a felony, but pretty sure I've earn a PhD in self-control. I told him, in no uncertain terms, were he could put his reconciliation and that if he kept following us, I will make sure his legs were out of the equation. I got in the car and my friend began to driving back when we notice a car following us. And we knew it was following because the direction we were going was not usual. To rule out a possible neighbor, we actually did a full U turn almost back to the store, stop to get some fast food, ate in the parking lot, then headed again back home. And the same car was after us. Now, as much as I talk of violence, I have to admit I was terrified. So was my friend. Neither of us has a gun permit, best we carry is a can of pepper spray. And we know her ex does have guns. So yeah, we were not comfortable at that point. Instead we headed past our neighborhood. And following the usual advice from TV, drove to a police station. Once in it, we did write a statement and I got scolded about the confrontation in walmart's parking lot. The reason we know its her ex was because when we got home, she got a call from him in a new phone number saying 'I know where you live now'. We immediately called the police. So there's were we stand. Cops just left a few minutes ago, and my brother is going to be staying over for a few weeks until we get the RO and some sturdier locks. Also, I want to clarify a few things: A lot of people asked why originally my friend took a whole year of being ghosted to accept the relationship was over. While I get it, trust me, please understand that when my friend came to the US, she had no one. She's cut contact with her toxic family. She literally only had her ex. I moved into the US a year later, and also came alone at first. But my parents were able to become citizens and I had them. When her relationship died out, she lost not just her boyfriend, but his family who pretty much were as close to her own family as she could get. It's not easy, and I personally can't imagine how lonely she felt. I could spend Christmas with my parents. She had no one for that first year. So please, don't judge her on it, cause she doesn't deserve it. It's not easy to be an immigrant when you have no place to return to. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

Entitled Ex ghosted my friend then demands a room in our house

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17l3s73/entitled_ex_ghosted_my_friend_then_demands_a_room/

17l3szf

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/peanut_gallery_zebra **Ballet, Toxic or Tonic?** **Originally posted to** r/BingeEatingDisorder & r/ballet **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Eating Disorder, verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, body shaming, mentions of miscarrage, Alcoholism, fraud, child endangerment, immigration abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/u/peanut_gallery_zebra/s/OmOyvTXvVC)  **Sept 23, 2022** You know that moment when you are doing something and everything in your body and mind come together to tell you that it is just right? Well, I get that when I dance. I get to be in control of myself and see other people light up when I begin to move; it truly is magical. For moments I feel like a weightless fairy princess, but there are some pretty harsh realities to face when one wants to take this further than a hobby. No one around me can aford to live. We don't get paid enough and we work 12 hour days and most weekends. We abuse our bodies in a terrible manner, working out for 8 or more hours in front of a mirror in a room full of other underweight people. Dancers push and push and push closer and closer to the end of the cliff teetering on the edge of starving artist and actually starving. If this were the only issue, I could justify the lifestyle, but abuse becomes the standard. We get mentally bereated by artistic directors, pushed aside by politics, and told we are never enough over and over again. When does this break a person? What lines are we willing to cross to stand on stage for five minutes in the hopes of finding our soul and sharing it with unrecpetive ears of the modern generation. And yet ballerinas like me love ballet. It is our world and our addiction. And so I guess I wonder do normal people understnad the feeling of becomeing pure beauty for brief moments and sacrificing the rest of their lives for them? Is it better to dream small and live in security or is passion worth deprivation? [Athletes' struggle](https://www.reddit.com/r/BingeEatingDisorder/s/McCasGCYBL)  **Sept 23, 2022** So I am told I have to be super skinny. I am already underwight, but I feel terrible in my body because I am having such a hard time controlling my food. I get so hungry from the 8 hours of daily workouts and then even when I am full, I cannot seem to stop stuffing food- inronically especially foods that I know don; settle well. Its like a weird version of self harm. I jsut want to feel okay in my mind and my body. How does one stay healthy and underweight wihout binge eating. I just don't want to feel like a hipp and see a hippo in the mirror all the time. help! [When is abuse in ballet too much?](https://www.reddit.com/r/BALLET/s/u9VyVaQjy0)  **Dec 8, 2022** Hello lovely fellow dancers, I am currently a trainee starting my professional dance experiance with a smaller ballet company that is doing some pretty illegal things it seems, and I am not sure if or how to get authorities involved. My director drinks constantly while working with both the company and little kids and while driving. She screams bloody murder at everyone for the most minor of infractions in both ballet and life. She has hit, shoved, grabbed necks, threatened, and pulled hair in her 'first reaction emotional fits'. She lies about casting, lies to donors, and lies to her company, and to the bank. She doesn't pay people that she says she will pay or if she does, they have to ask her numerous times and it is never on time. In addition to all this, she doesn't do her job. She misses her own rehersals and gets mad when we get to the stage and try to perform material she gave us minutes before we go on. Not to metion she constantly tells girls (already too skinny) that they are too fat (even when gorging herslf on pizza, fried food, and baked goods). I am pretty sure that this is not normal behavior in a ballet company, but I am too young and too scared to really know what to do. I'd love some thoughts and guidance. [Update to "When is Abuse too much"](https://www.reddit.com/r/BALLET/s/nOeYVBhiTk)  **Dec 27, 2022** Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. Life has been hard since that last entry, but I did get to go home and process what has happened. Things got even worse incluing (but not limited to) calling more girls fat, not showing up to shows, fireing an orchestra, revoking green cards, evicting somone in the company she was a landlord for, and passing out drunk backstage and then driving her kid around for 2 hours. On the way to the last show, I was in a car accident with two other dancers and she didn't even bat an eye. She was even later to the theatre than we were and ended up calling everyone outside where she screamed at us for a half hour (drunk), and blamed us for a miscarrage she had years ago. It was heartbreaking to perform with so much chaos and a devistating decision to leave the company seeing as I love my friends there and the training very much. Sadly, I was no longer safe and am currently out of a job and away from dance. I love ballet with my whole heart, but I needed to get somewhere that I was not being mentally and sometimes physically abused. I hope that I will find a company to intern with to keep in shape for audition season and am keeping my chin up for better times. Truthfully, I am not sure there will even be a company waiting for her come january seeing as so many people left or were fired. I only pray that no one else falls for her lies and that she can get the help that she desperately needs. Sadly, there was no place I could report her to without it giving my information and further perpetuating the already neggative situation. Thank you to everyone who commented and helped me take the step to walk away. My heart is sad to leave behind such beautiful people (besides the director), but I am so thankful to have some time to be with family and heal. Peace to each and every one of you. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Ballet, Toxic or Tonic?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17l3szf/ballet_toxic_or_tonic/

17l3tia

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwaway_grossfoods **WIBTAH if I refused to eat food from my in-law’s house during our visit?** **Originally posted to r/AITAH** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Manipulation, spoiled food, potential hospitality abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/gORZeaiIu5) **Oct 11, 2023** Hi everyone, I’m pretty stressed about this and would appreciate your opinions. Using a throwaway. My husband (23M) and I (23F) have families who live far apart from one another, so we always split the holidays. This year, we are spending Thanksgiving with my parents, and Christmas with his. Because of our work schedules, we’ll only be with his family for about 3 days at Christmastime. Recently, my husband visited his parents for a few days and stayed at their house. When he returned, he told me that the refrigerator and freezer at his parents’ house was completely broken, and all the food within it was spoiling within days, if not hours of being purchased. I told him that that was a bummer, and asked when his parents were planning on getting it fixed. He then told me that (against his own wishes), his parents had no plans to get it fixed anytime soon. In fact, the refrigerator had apparently already been broken for weeks before he arrived. His parents and younger sibling were eating spoiled or semi-spoiled food. I told him that I thought that was crazy, and he agreed with me. He said that he refrained from eating anything that needed to be refrigerated while he was there, which was easy to do because most of the time he was hanging out at a friend’s house and eating restaurant/fast food. But this won’t be the case around the holidays. This is where I could potentially be TAH: I told him that if we arrived at Christmastime and the fridge/freezer still wasn’t fixed, then I didn’t want to eat any food that came from his parent’s house. I have kind of a sensitive stomach already, and the thought of eating spoiled food is really scary/gross to me. My husband said that he understood, but that this would likely offend his parents. I am scared of offending his parents by refusing to eat their food, as I grew up in a region where food is seen as an act of hospitality. I also come from a family that is a bit wealthier than my husband’s, so I worry about coming across as snobbish or stuck up. But I really can’t fathom knowingly eating spoiled food. WIBTAH if I refused to eat the food at my in-law’s house? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **imothro** >NTA. If their fridge isn't fixed, please just don't go. You shouldn't stay with someone who lives in an uninhabitable condition. Maybe you guys can offer to pay to get their fridge repaired or something before the holidays as a christmas gift? **OOP replied** >>Unfortunately my husband and I are both very early on in our careers, and don’t really have the disposable income to do that (I am totally financially independent from my parents, and don’t receive any money from them). Even if we could, I know that such a gift would be offensive/embarrassing to them. * **CreativeMusic5121** >NTA. That's disgusting. Eating spoiled food is not snobbish or stuck-up. They are delusional. Your husband should tell them they either buy a new refrigerator, or you will get refunds on the tickets so you can buy them one (and then they won't see you). **OOP replied** >>Yes it is gross. I’m not even sure it’s solely a money issue (although that is probably a factor). They spent money recently on semi-expensive things, like a vacation and expensive concert tickets to see a famous singer. His parents are very “go with the flow” people, so it’s possible that it’s a combination of them not having a ton of extra money + them not seeing this as a huge issue [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/7BVX4guKmy u/) **Oct 25, 2023** This is an update to my post a couple of weeks ago, about how my in-law’s have been eating food out of a broken refrigerator for months with no timeline on fixing it. Link to original post: /r/AITAH/s/Hwbjjunopy THE UPDATE: I was very relieved to hear that I’m not being stuck-up or uptight for not wanting to eat probably-spoiled food! My in-laws still haven’t made any effort to purchase a new refrigerator/freezer. At this point, it’s been broken for almost 2 months. They do have a styrofoam container/box that they keep in the garage that they’ve been using as a freezer, so that’s good - I believe it’s mostly meat that’s kept in there. But as for refrigerated items (and freezer items that can’t fit in the box), they all go bad within days, if not hours. My husband mentioned to them that he didn’t think that refrigerators all cost $2000, but my MIL is doubling down that a replacement fridge would cost $2K. I have no idea where they’re getting that number from. But they won’t budge, and keep insisting that they cannot afford a new one. So, it’s not looking great. If they haven’t fixed the fridge by Christmastime, my husband is going to send his little brother (who is in high school and lives at home) a few hundred bucks to go buy a mini or used fridge before we get there, lol. Thank you for your concern!! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **TrainsNCats** >I remember reading this and was totally grossed out by out! >That’s total BS - you can get a standard size stainless steel fridge for around $650 from Lowe’s or Home Depot. >If plain white will do, it more like $575 >This sounds more like a mental health issue to me. **OOP replied** >>I know right??! I’m totally confused. I actually can’t even think of a reason why they’re insisting it’s so expensive. The only thing I can think of (which I hate) is that they still “owe” my husband and I some money for our wedding (they had wedding funds for all of their kids), and have told us that they’re going to give it to us multiple times (despite us saying that that’s not necessary). I wonder if they’re subliminally trying to get us to refuse or send the money back when they pass it along. Which I have no issue with that, but I’m not totally convinced that they would use it on a new fridge, lol. * **GoldenGoof19** >I mean… I see used fridges on FB Marketplace all the time… I’m not saying they’d have to have a used fridge forever, but it would be better than nothing while they save up for a new one. >Plus… how much money are they wasting on their food spoiling?!! >And also… is it a child endangerment thing to feed minors food that hasn’t been properly refrigerated??? **OOP replied** >>My husband just talked to his brother and he says that they’ve started keeping cheese and milk in a cooler with ice packs…not sure how effective that is, but better than nothing? * **Duckr74** >Thanks for the update. Please keep us posted. **OOP replied** >>I will! I hope to have some happier news to share soon haha. We’re going to talk to them on the phone soon and try to show them their options. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

WIBTAH if I refused to eat food from my in-law’s house during our visit?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17l3tia/wibtah_if_i_refused_to_eat_food_from_my_inlaws/

17l4gcj

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/MycologistPatient885](https://www.reddit.com/user/MycologistPatient885/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!homophobia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!tentatively positive, for now!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17fn94u/aita_for_not_closing_the_door_while_showering/)**: October 24, 2023** I (17M) live at home with my two sisters and parents. My older sister (22) has been dating her boyfriend (21M) for three months now. He’s been sleeping over at our apartment ever since they started dating, but the frequency of the sleepovers have been increasing over the past few weeks. Our apartment isn’t tiny, but it’s small enough that we all share a bathroom. The room doesn’t have air conditioning and only has one window that doesn’t really let a draft through. When you shower, the room steams up a ton, so my whole life we’ve just either left the door ajar or opened the door fully as soon as we stepped out of the shower and did the rest of our bathroom stuff. The very first time my sisters boyfriend slept over, I was getting ready to go to bed in the bathroom and had the door closed, but unlocked. I was taking off my boxershorts when he walked into the bathroom. He immediately apologized, closed the door and we never spoke about it again. Well, last week I thought I was home alone and was taking a shower in the afternoon with the door ajar, as always. After I was done, I opened the bathroom door and continued with my routine (lotion, face cream, stuff like that) and noticed that my sister had come home during my shower. When I was done, I walked into the kitchen to find my sister and her boyfriend having an argument. I didn’t want to intrude, so I left and soon heard the front door fall closed. In the evening I made dinner for our family and while I was cooking my other sister (20) came and talked to me. Apparently, our oldest sister and her boyfriend argument was about me and „my“ showering habits. He thinks it’s disgusting that I shower with the door ajar and feels uncomfortable with me using the bathroom in my own house. This shocked me, because from the way our bathroom is set up, you can’t even see the shower from outside of the door. I went to my other sister and asked her if this was true, and she refused to talk to me. It’s not as if I was the only one that showered like this. We all do. I’m just the only one taking showers in the afternoon/evening when her boyfriend is usually there, because that’s when I come home from hockey practice. So, AITA for not completely closing the bathroom door while I shower? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Any idea as to why he finds it disgusting?* "don’t know about him, but i’m openly queer so maybe that’s the issue" *Why OOP keeps the door open:* "and the main reason for keeping the door open/ajar is because we live in an old building and don’t want any mold or whatever bc it’s too steamy inside" *Could he be trying to peep on your sister?* "this is sth multiple people have said and i’m really worried it’s something like him trying to peep on my other sister…" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **UPDATE (Same Post): October 25, 2023 (Next Day)** Hi guys! Okay, to make it easier I’m gonna give my sisters names, because otherwise I think it’s gonna get confusing. The sister whose bf was the issue I’ll call Ava and my other sister Vic. Sisters boyfriend I’ll call Ben. Today Vic came home pretty early, so when I heard her arrive I immediately asked her to talk about yesterday. Since some of you brought it up, I asked her if he actually used the word „disgusting“ or if she thinks Ava was paraphrasing, and in her opinion Ava said it in a way she thought that Ben had actually said it. I also asked her if he’d ever done anything to make her uncomfortable and she laughed it off, so I truly hope nothing happened there. When Ava came home, she was alone, so I asked her if she would talk to me and she agreed even though she looked really uncomfortable about the whole situation. I asked her if Ben had actually said it was „disgusting“ or if he only implied it and she said that he actually said it. I also asked her if she was mad at me or the situation, and that’s when she got super angry. She started going off at home how I apparently always have to make every situation about myself and said some other unsavory things about me. After yelling at me she left the kitchen and went to her room, dramatic door slam and all, which kind of was the trigger for me maybe being a bit too petty. Again, our apartment isn’t that huge so because the kitchen door and my other sisters door was open Vic heard the entire argument and came to the kitchen to tell me she’s on my side. Back to the petty part, my dad is at a business dinner rn, but I’ll edit this post with a second update when he comes home, because I’m gonna tell him everything that’s been said. I don’t know if he’ll care yet, but I’ll tell him all the suggestions you guys gave me in the comments and tell him im worried about Ben. Also, bc it might not have been clear in my original post: I said that I live with my parents, with that I only mean my dad. It’s not been long since my mom stopped living with us, so in the heat of the moment I wrote the wrong thing. My sister Ava used to have an apartment one town away, but bc of covid she lost her job, meaning she couldn’t pay rent anymore. She went back to school and has a different job now, but it’s entry level and living costs are crazy where we live, so she’s still at home. My other sister Vic has a dorm room at her university, but her roommates are all assholes, so she prefers staying at our apartment when she doesn’t have 8am classes. Ben still lives with his parents, why, I don’t know. Also I don’t know why they never stay at his place. That’s one of the things I wanted to ask Ava, but she apparently thinks i’m the villain here soooo. And lastly, we do have a second bathroom, but it only has a toilet and a sink, so it’s not as terrible as some people think it is in the comments. Also we all have our own rooms, they’re just small. ***Relevant Comments (time-stamped after OOP's first update)*** *Ok, it's looking more like the boyfriend is homophobic:* "honestly, that’s also what i’ve been thinking. i don’t wanna stereotype based on looks, but he also seems like the typical homophobic jerk purely bc of the stuff he wears and does" *Maybe he's in the closet?* "i didn’t wanna say it, bc i didn’t wanna come across as one of those queer guys, but that’s also what i was worried about. we’ll see" **UPDATE 2 (Same Post): About 4 hours later** Sorry it took me a bit to post this, but I talked to my dad! When he stepped through the door I immediately asked him if I could talk to him about something and he was really confused what it’s about. (He actually asked me if I wanted to tell him i had a gf/bf haha) So we sat down in the living room and I asked him if he knew what happened yesterday, but he said he only knew that Ava was mad at me, nothing more. I told him everything and he was extremely shocked and also kind of mad? The first thing he suggested was also that Ben‘s upset, because two days before Ben complained about me, I had friends over and cuddled with one of my male friends while watching a movie, and apparently he seemed annoyed by that. The second suggestion he had was just that he disliked me for whatever other reason and that’s why he was mad and called me disgusting. He went into Ava’s room to talk to her about it and I don’t know what was said, but he came out like half an hour later and told me that Ben wasn’t welcome to sleep over anymore. Of course I asked him what happened during the conversation, but he was really vague about the entire thing. I’m going to make Vic try and talk to Ava to find out what’s going on, because now I‘m actually really curious as to what’s happened. Sorry it’s not that satisfying of an end for today! Also, is it fine if I just keep adding onto this post or should I make a new one? I’ve had reddit for a while, but I’ve never posted properly before this

AITA for not closing the door while showering even though my sisters boyfriend slept over?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17l4gcj/aita_for_not_closing_the_door_while_showering/

17l4gjw

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/NoMaybe3163](https://www.reddit.com/user/NoMaybe3163/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!tentative happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17d5qyu/aita_for_kicking_my_72_year_old_mil_out_of_the/)**: October 21, 2023** I (36F) live with my husband (41M). I have a decent relationship with my MIL, compared to a lot of the horror stories I hear from friends, she’s quite sweet and warm. She is, however, a little… over-controlling? Overprotective? I’m not sure of the exact word, but she has very strong ideas about things and no sense of boundaries. For example, when she stays at our house she takes over the kitchen completely and insists on cooking all our meals. She cooks wonderfully, but she won’t let me help her at all, and puts everything away in the wrong places - and then insists that her way is more logical. She only really comes for holidays, though, and I do like her a lot. So I don’t mind putting up with these mild annoyances. I’m currently pregnant with our little girl, who will be born in a few months. This is a miracle - I really didn’t think it would happen, especially so late, but we got lucky. When my MIL heard, she was super excited and said she would come over to help us get ready for the baby. She offered to stay for the next 6 months or so to help out, because my husband and I both work long hours and it will be hard to handle the baby on top of this. She is also pretty emotionally invested in this, because she truly sees herself as part of our family. She arrived a few days ago and set herself up, then she started with the cleaning. I like collecting things from garage sales and such. Things like little sculptures and books and baskets, stuff a lot of people would consider utter junk. Our house is definitely overstuffed, but it’s reasonably tidy and doesn’t seem like a hoarder’s house or anything. My MIL, on the other hand, likes everything surgically clean. Yesterday I came home from work to find the house like a war zone, she went through my cabinets and cleared out everything she considered junk, and had apparently made several trips to goodwill before I got home. I was really angry and I asked her why she would ever do this. She said the house has to be tidy for the baby, and that it would be “dangerous” for the baby to be in my cluttered house. Then she took the next huge bag of stuff and tried to walk out the door. I kind of lost it, and I told her she could get out right now. She was shocked that I was serious, and she said she doesn’t have anywhere to go and it’s so late. It was about 9:30. I booked her a hotel room and called a taxi. My husband came home an hour later, and when I told him what happened, he was furious with me. He says I disrespected his mom and was ungrateful for everything she’s trying to do for us. AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *She definitely overstepped, but she may have been trying to help if your house is super cluttered* "It’s not cluttered. I don’t just have piles of stuff lying around, everything is in cabinets and arranged in a visually pleasing way. It’s sort of a “cluttered aesthetic”, but I’ve had guests over and everyone thinks it’s pretty cool." *Due date:* "Baby is due in 2 months. She said she’d stay for a bit after the baby was born." *As to if OOP is a hoarder:* Okay. I’m just going to give y’all a list of all my “junk” and you can decide if I’m a hoarder. * a walk in closet with a lot of thrifted clothes, some that I altered myself * 4 quilts in said walk in closet * an antique wood desk with a typewriter (that is admittedly just taking up space, but it is gorgeous) * a LOT of wall art (none of it matches, which my MIL hates. But it’s all hung properly and intentionally.) * two shelves of fancy china in the dining room, which I’m never going to use, but again, it’s displayed purposefully * a coin collection, in ziplock bags in my closet * two “ugly” end tables * several rugs from garage sales (that are in use, not just rolled up in a corner) * two bookcases of books (you can never have too many books) and fine, books lying around on the coffee table, kitchen table, and couch * a few shelves in said bookcases with family memorabilia and such * houseplants * a lot of throw pillows that also don’t match at all * a tree sculpture with Christmas ornaments and pictures hung on it * lamps on every table * a geode collection * a spice rack with a lot of little spice bottles * too many dishes (it fits in two kitchen cabinets though) * normal house things What she gave away - a bag or two of my clothes that supposedly aren’t practical * a box of books * a bunch of paintings * some pillows * dishes * a whole drawer of my rocks ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17g80t1/update_aita_for_kicking_my_mil_out_after_she/)**: October 25, 2023 (4 days later)** Thank you to everyone to replied to my post. Appreciate the advice and wishes for the baby. So I talked to my husband after we both cooled down a bit, and I told him I felt let down that he didn’t support me. He said it was just stuff, and he didn’t think I cared that much. I also asked him if he asked his mom to “declutter”, and if he has a problem with my things. He said no, he literally has zero opinion about my decor or collections. I believe him, because this is the guy who doesn’t know the difference between blue and purple… So he said that’s why he thought I overreacted, because in his mind it’s just stuff and not nearly as important as a person who’s feelings can be hurt. I said that my things matter to me because I’ve put effort into collecting/fixing them and that some hold memories too. He said he understands and he apologized. We went and brought my MIL home from the hotel in the morning, and I said I was sorry for losing my temper, and asked her if we could talk. She was still upset but agreed. I told her I should have said this a long time ago, but I don’t like it when she takes over and doesn’t treat my home like it’s mine. She seemed offended but she said okay. I told her I would be really grateful if she helps with the baby and I want her in my child’s life, but she has to work with me and not just do everything herself. She said but you work, and I said that I know it’s not what she did when she had a child, but I want to make this work - and I think I can have a job and also be in charge of my home. She was definitely annoyed but she agreed to everything and didn’t argue. So I think it will work out okay. I unfortunately couldn’t get my stuff back though… but I have plenty more rocks hidden away.

AITA for kicking my 72 year old MIL out of the house at night, because she threw away my things?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17l4gjw/aita_for_kicking_my_72_year_old_mil_out_of_the/

17l6bqv

\*\*Friendly Reminder, I am not the Original Poster\*\* Original Posted on October 6, 2023, by u/HourStatistician2444 who has now deleted their profile in r/AmItheAsshole Updates Posted in the same post \[Original\](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/171iwzw/aita\_for\_not\_paying\_for\_my\_brother\_and\_his/) (includes all updates) I (28F) have an older brother Adam (30M) and my Stephanie SIL (28F). Every year my family and I take a big trip and time of year depends on everyone's schedules. This year we collectively agreed for the second week in December. Those going on the trip include my husband Justin (33M) and I, our twin 2 year olds, my parents, and my brother, SIL and their 3 year old. My mom always makes all of the travel arrangements to ensure everyone is on the same flights, kids sit with parents, hotels are the same, etc. Everyone is on their own for getting to and from the airport at home, but car my mom makes car arrangements from the destination airport to the hotel and hotel to airport when leaving. While my mom makes the arrangements, my husband and I always Zelle/Venmo my mom for our portion of flights and hotels. My brother and SIL do the same thing. This year everyone agreed to Disney World in Orlando. My mom as usual made all the reservations and what not about 2 months ago. My husband and I paid my mom our portion about a week after the reservations were made. Last night Adam texted husband asking if we had paid my parents yet. He said we had a while back. Adam then asked Justin if we could pay his family's portion of the trip. Not sure if everyone has been to Disney but it's ridiculously expensive these days. Justin told him we couldn't swing it with our budget at the time. We both work full time and make decent money but we don't have the kind of money that is just throw away. My brother and SIL both also work full time, and my nephew is not in daycare, my brother's mother in law watches him free, while we pay for 2 kids in daycare. Adam said responded with "Well ok then." and quit texting him. Queue to this morning where I woke up to several texts from Adam calling Justin an asshole for nothing being a "good brother" and paying for their family. I told Adam I agreed with Justin and we just can't swing the money for them in our budget. I apologized and told Adam he was out of line for calling Justin an asshole and wouldn't stand for it. Adam again asked me to pay and said it could be our Christmas present to him, my SIL and my nephew. If I had the spare money to do it that way, I would, but I don't have the ability to do that, so I can't. I told him I couldn't do it and told him to reach out to our parents about a payment plan or something. Adam called Justin and I AHs and said we ruined their vacation. I'm kind of surprised by my brother's behavior, but are Justin and I the assholes here? \*\*Quick Update #1 (will be one a little later):\*\* I'm still at work but I took the advice of a few on here and reached out to both my mom and SIL (separately) and let them know what Adam did. My mom and Stephanie BOTH confirmed their portion of the trip HAS ALREADY BEEN PAID, and has been for months. Stephanie had no idea Adam had reached out to Justin and doesn't know why he would. She said she would reign him in and apologized to me for his request. For those asking why we planned this trip when my brother and SIL couldn't afford it, Disney was their idea. After everyone checked on finances we all agreed and my mom started making arrangements within provided budgets at that point. Sorry that wasn't clear in my initial post. I'm dealing with this at work. \*\*Quick Update #2\*\* I’m sitting in the parking lot at work before I get my kids and head home but I have some more info. I need to preface this by saying I dearly love my brother but oh my goodness I have no idea how this is my life right now. My SIL talked to my brother. I didn’t know until today they have separate checking accounts and a joint savings. Their own account is their fun money to use as they please joint account used for shared/household expenses. My husband and I do this as well, cuts down majorly on money arguments, 11/10 would recommend. Anyways, Adam apparently ordered my SIL a pair of diamond studs as a Christmas present and was charged three times for the same item FROM TIFFANY’S. Rather than dealing with the bank/Tiffany’s he panicked and thought he could get money from Justin and I to make up for it. I feel bad for him but literally laughing at the moment. More to come. \*\*Third and final update:\*\* So my brother and SIL brought my husband and I dinner and to talk about what happened over the last day. My brother did in fact show up with bank statements confirming the triple charge from Tiffany's. However when he explained what happened, it wasn't a mistake from Tiffany's but rather a user error on his end. Adam is pretty impatient and when the page did not automatically refresh from the screen where payment info is put in to the confirmation page where the order is confirmed, he hit the submit button in his words "a few times" so in fact he order three pairs of earrings. He apologized to both Justin and I, as well as my SIL. He also is meeting with our parents tomorrow to apologize to them in person. While I was initially pissed with him, Justin and I both forgave. Don't think for one second though Reddit, that this will not be brought up every time he makes fun of me for the time I tried getting out of his truck with my seatbelt still on. Lol. My brother has since called Tiffany's to cancel the two erroneous purchased pairs of earrings. I'm sad for my SIL that it's no longer a surprise and told my brother if manages to do this again to just ask for help rather than make up some bullshit. He said he went to Justin first think he would be less likely to make fun of him than I (totally right!). He couldn't bring himself to own his mistake out of embarrassment, which I get, but I told him just be honest and not hostile. All that said, I only have a little while longer in the day to cuddle my babies so I'll be doing that. Enjoy your weekend Reddit. I know I will. \*\*Marking as CONCLUDED\*\*

AITA for not paying for my brother and his family's vacation?

CONCLUDED

throwRA1a2b3c4d1

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17l6bqv/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_brother_and_his/

17leer6

**Need help looking for an update?** Comment below! &#x200B; * View last month's [Looking for a Post - October 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16xh7jn/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_october_2023_edition/) thread. If you posted in previous threads and didn't get an answer, you can repost your question here. * We launched a discord. Please feel free to join. [Discord link](https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy) * **Do NOT harass OOPs. Do NOT comment on original posts.** You will be banned if you do so. * Always read the rules of subs you are participating in. **Do NOT harass OOPs.** * If an update found here has not be posted to BoRU yet and you feel it belongs as its own post, please feel free to submit it. * If you found an update that is not eligible for posting yet, leave it on the pinned comment in this thread. * If you found an update that is eligible but you don't want to post it yourself, leave it on the pinned comment on this thread. &#x200B; # DO NOT HARASS OOPs. Do not comment on posts linked in this thread or on posts linked in BoRUs. Doing so will result in a permanent ban from this sub and possibly the other sub. Leave your comments here in BoRU and again, do not harass OOPs. Please see the [brigading policy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6fk6u/meta_brigading_please_read_to_avoid_being_banned/) &#x200B; &#x200B; **Tools to search for a post** View our [How to search for a post wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/search) &#x200B; **Popular Posts** A list of the [most frequently requested posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/faq_lfp) such as the PS5 saga, Peegate, and the Thanksgiving Turkey. The one about the woman whose FIL and husband thought she would die in childbirth has no update. If you're looking for the one where OOP's husband gets violently sick when OOP's sister announces her pregnancy, you can [read it here](https://www.rareddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ze6pf2/my_husband_started_acting_strangely_upon_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button). &#x200B; **Want to know the origin of a flair?** See this [list of flair origins](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading/flair_origins) &#x200B; **Looking for something to read?** * [r/BestofBoru](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofBoru/) \- a companion sub of curated, concluded updates * [r/bestofpositiveupdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestofpositiveupdates/) * [r/OhNoConsequences](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/) by BoRU mod [u/mermaidpaint](https://www.reddit.com/u/mermaidpaint/) * r/BestofRedditorSagas for posts with a large number of parts * [Best Updates of 2021](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/rzxz1z/announcing_borus_1st_annual_best_of_winners/) * [List of lists of posts compiled by Czech](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17leer6/comment/kanqq5b/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) * [Recommended Subs & Collections](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading)\* \*Collections only work on desktop new reddit &#x200B; **Don't harass OOPs. Don't comment on original posts. Thank you.**

Looking for a Post? Ask Here! - November 2023 Edition

META

czechtheboxes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17leer6/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_november_2023_edition/

17lhral

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Itchy_Shock_7382 in r/TrueOffMyChest** trigger warnings: >!Mention of Infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!Wholesome!< --- &nbsp; [**Moving on after my Ex and Sister**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/17awlad/moving_on_after_my_ex_and_sister/) - Oct 18, 2023 I (M28) (ages are current) started dating my ex (F27) 8 years ago now. We broke up 4 years ago after she cheated on me because she thought I was emotionally checked out of the relationship. Anyway, that's not the point of this post. At the time we started going out, she had just received custody of her 8-year-old sister, S, after their parents passed. While I do resent my ex for cheating, she has also been a very good guardian to S and has worked very hard to make sure S's needs are met. When we were going out, a lot of our dates were frequently at her house, since she couldn't just leave S to fend for herself. They were basically dinner dates and movie nights and were often joined by her sister, which I didn't mind. Besides, a lot of the time we'd end up staying up way past S's bedtime, so we would eventually get some alone time to just chill and talk and you-know-what. Over the four years that we dated, her sister became my sister. I started to help pay for things and chauffeur and show up to her events with or without my ex there. Both of us strived to basically assume as much of a parental role as we could, though I recognize I'm not S's father or her brother or anything close to it. On that note, her discipline was handled entirely by my ex, since our dynamic only really allowed me to give S a stern talking to, but that was the limit of my power. Nevertheless, S and I developed a very close relationship, and it really felt like I was her older brother. When my ex and I broke up, I asked her if I could still continue to be there for S. She thought about it for a few days and then agreed with a few conditions (basically that I could no longer come and go to their house as I pleased). She and I decided that it would be best to seem amicable for S, though we would explain to her that we were no longer together. I think it was the next day that I sat S down, who was 12 at this time, and told her that her sister and I had had a talk and decided that we weren't compatible and that it was a mutual feeling (which is true, but obviously isn't the full story). S cried during that talk because she was really worried I was just going to disappear, but after I reassured her a continued my responsibilities throughout the week, she returned back to normal. This continued for another four years. S is now 16. About a month ago, S decided to try a new look for school. Since I took her to school in the mornings, I saw it the first time she wore it. It was, well, slutty. She was pretty clearly going for the nerdy, e-girl aesthetic that's become popular over the past few years, but she decided to go for the thirst-trappy, showing too much skin version. Of course, at the end of the day it's her choice, but I did want to make sure she was at the very least aware of the vibe she was giving off because, let's be real, even if she just thought it was cute or pretty, that's not how a bunch of high school dudes would see it. I basically asked her if that was what she really wanted to wear, she said yes, and then I asked her if she actually knew what the outfit really looked like and the vibe it was giving off. We went back and forth for a little bit, I never got angry or raised my voice, though I'm sure my expression changed. She, however, did get progressively more angry. Eventually it culminated with her telling me that I'm not her dad, I'm not her brother, and she doesn't even know why I stick around since I should have nothing to do with them. Can't say that didn't hurt. Either way, I just said okay, and we got in the car and I drove her to school. I've always been a very straightforward and blunt person, hell the most indirect I've ever been in my life was probably the conversation about her outfit. Through the years, my demeanor has rubbed off on S, so that outburst seemed pretty indicative of the way she truly thought about me. I did consider that it could be a spur of the moment mistake, but given the way we approach things, that seemed really unlikely, especially considering her coldness if not outright hostility in the days and weeks that followed. After that argument, I took those words to heart and started to make plans to start anew. S still needed transportation and whatnot, so I couldn't just drop everything and leave, even though that's what she wanted. Instead, I made sure to put things in order. I talked with my ex about what I intended to do and she said that it was my decision and that as long as S is cared for, that she supports me. Over these past few weeks, I've done a few things. First, I bought S a car (she got her license a few months ago but they only have one car), it's nearing two decades old, but it's in good shape and has had minimal problems (thank you Toyota). Obviously, I didn't want this to be something S felt guilty over or turn into something I could hold over her head, so I transfered everything into my ex's name since she would be paying for S's insurance anyway. She gifted her the car last week and I heard from my ex that she was extremely happy. Up to that point, I had still been chauffering S around with great awkward tension. Initially I tried to talk about the things I normally did, but she wasn't entertaining that so instead I just became her driver and gave quick hellos and goodbyes and whatnot. Luckily, she won't have to deal with me anymore. With S's most imminent need met, I decided to pen a letter. A little corny, I'm aware, but I still feel bad about deciding to up and leave after these years, even if that's what S wants. I sent that off yesterday. This isn't verbatim, but the sentiments were: "I'm sorry about the way I handled that conversation and I apologize for any other misgivings you have about me. I heard about ex giving you a car and am happy that she's such a good sister to you. Thankfully, she will continue to be there when I am not. I truly wish you the best." I said a few other things and the letter went on a little ways, but those were the big sentiments. Now I just need to find work in my field. Thankfully, it's about time I received a large promotion so this actually comes at a decent time. It'll help that my job is pretty in demand even if I'll likely have to move some distance for it. That's it, thanks for reading I guess, I'm glad a place like this exists. It feels nice to talk about this stuff since I've never said it all in one place before. Keep living. &nbsp; [**Update - Moving on after my Ex and Sister**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Itchy_Shock_7382/comments/17dzaoj/update_moving_on_after_my_ex_and_sister/) - Oct 22, 2023 Exactly one person DMed me for any update, so here this is. It was deleted from TrueOffMyChest so instead I'm doing this here. Things have basically 180'd since my original post. I sent the letter off and S received it yesterday. From there I got a flurry of phone calls from her. It turns out that, contrary to what I thought, she did not actually want me to get out of her life or leave or anything of that sort. It was admittedly hard to understand her on the phone through her crying, but she did a lot of apologizing for what she said, though I'm still not sure she needed to lol. I offered to talk it out in person and she agreed. I went to their place and sat with S for a while, basically just hugging her the whole time and telling her it was okay and that I wouldn't go anywhere. I again reiterated my thoughts on her outfit that day and stressed that it was her decision to make and that I overstepped my bounds and I apologized. She told me I didn't need to apologize and that she just got angry for no reason and felt like I was attacking her. I rebutted that I thought she looked very pretty but that, in my opinion, it was not appropriate for school where she would be harassed by a bunch of teenage boys. She seemed to cheer up after that and we talked a bit more about other things and what my plans are now. All in all, I'm glad this resolved the way it did. If anything good came out of it, I kicked my own butt in gear in finding a better job, though I'm just looking locally for the time being and talking to a lot of people, but things are looking up. &nbsp; [**Responding to BORU and adding some more context**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Itchy_Shock_7382/comments/17mloj4/responding_to_boru_and_adding_some_more_context/) - Nov 2, 2023 Hello. I saw the BORU thread and I just wanted to respond to a few of the comments. I've read all of them, and I mean all of them, the DMs too. I read through this a few times, added some things, and removed some expletives as I was getting progressively angrier when I was initially writing it. It is obviously disconnected in both emotion and content, but it functions as my stream of consciousness so if you want further clarity and context, read this I guess. Mostly, I just found the thread funny. I know it's reddit, but it's crazy that people are ready to psychoanalyze me and S on the basis of a few hundred words. I do appreciate the people giving me the benefit of the doubt rather than just calling me a creep or a horrible person, thanks for that. The "wholesome is relative" comment was very funny too. Anyways, I guess I should clarify a few things. Some of you assume that everyone just knows what teenagers and their rebellious phases are like, I don't know why you think this, but I did not know. I'm pretty socially obtuse, not on the spectrum or anything like some of you have mentioned, but nevertheless I'm extremely introverted. I have had exactly 1 friend in my life, he happened to be my neighbor growing up. The only reason I even got in a relationship in the first place was because she asked me out, not me making advances or anything. I think it is extremely odd how some of you insist that I had no obligation to S because she's not related to me and is the sister of my ex. You're telling me that after 8 years of interacting with someone on a near-daily basis for extended periods of time in a very friendly manner doesn't mean anything to you? I may be socially inept, but you are worse than me. She was/is a kid, kids, and even people, grow on you pretty quick in my experience. As for the clothing situation that instigated this whole thing, most commenters seem to be split 50/50 between creep/misogynist/personification-of-evil and he could've expressed it better. There was one comment in particular that struck a chord with me which was a mother talking about how she had a similar talk with her daughter and made an analogy that there's a difference between at-home clothes and formal clothes to a fancy dinner place. In hindsight that would've absolutely gotten my intentions across better than what I did. Obviously I should have done better, I don't disagree, but this was just all in the moment too, not that it excuses what I said but still. Some of you insist that women should be able to wear whatever they want, whenever they want, I don't disagree. However, it is extremely naive of you to believe that everyone in the fucking world, especially teenage boys, are just going to be laissez-faire with that shit instead of extremely predatory. I was a teenage boy. I wasn't popular, never dated, hardly interacted with anyone, but I was still a teenage boy. Our perceptions of girls varied wildly depending on how they dressed, to assume otherwise is just naive. For me, I'm biracial, so my mother had a talk with me growing up about the racism I may face in society. This is identical to me. Why do I, the potential victim, have to be told that I should be prepared for racism? Why can't I just exist without insult? Because it's not realistic, there is racism, same thing here. Yes, S and any other woman should be able to dress how they want in society, but she should at least be prepared for sexist and misogynistic comments that she would have to endure simply by looking the way she does, it's something she needs to be prepared for. I also feel like many of you are caught up in thinking she was just wearing something "sexy" like spaghetti straps or a tank top or something. She was not. Go to a busy avenue and look on the corner, she was wearing something identical to that. If you look up the e-girl aesthetic, you will know what I'm talking about. Though, I did see a comment from a woman that said she was just taught to beat up anyone who made misogynistic/gross comments towards her appearance, I thought that was pretty reasonable. I don't intend to bring up the clothing situation again, but if it does come up, I'll make a point (humorously) that I'll be on her side if she starts a fight over her clothing. A LOT of comments were saying I left at the first sign of trouble. I didn't. I don't know why some of you think that, this took place over a few weeks, not a day or two. I routinely met with her and tried to initiate conversation and was rebuked, I'm not sure what you think I should've done, because I tried having a conversation with her, literally any conversation, about the incident or otherwise, but it was not reciprocated. I also saw some comments hung up on me buying a car, I'm not particularly sure why. I wasn't trying to manipulate her, she still doesn't know I bought it and never will, I just felt I owed her after all these years together AND she would need it if I was going to stop driving her places and move like I was planning. The car is a shitbox, simply meant to take her from point A to point B without much trouble. She needed it, I could afford it, simple decision. Also, I'm not Liz and I don't know who that is, whether me denying that hurts my case or not I'm not sure. There was one other comment which I saw that deeply resonated with me. Someone said that I was basically trying to find a role to fill in S's life now that she's 16. I didn't realize it, but when I read it, yeah, that's pretty much exactly it. Like the comment said, I went from doing things a dad does with their kid to basically just being a chauffer since she's a teenager and now there's no need for me to be there at all. I've since just made lunches (meal prep) for her and dropped them off when we have dinner once a week, which we all decided to have post-her driving (we pretty much always had dinner together before), but that's basically it aside from going to her athletic events. I'm just a close family friend now, for better or for worse. I do want to be in her life, some comments thought i was searching for a way out and felt trapped or something but that's absolutely not the case, but there are fewer and fewer things I can do for her. Maybe this is what an empty-nester feels like when their kids first move out, idk. I love that some people referred to my actions as a tantrum, that was very funny but also go fuck yourselves. Like I said, I'm socially stunted, I figured that since S is blunt like me, which seems to be a point everyone missed, she was going to be direct with me in the things she said, her behavior the many days afterwards only reinforced that. Writing a letter is stupid, I admitted that in my original post, but why would I cause her emotional stress by forcing her to have a sit-down and basically asking her "do you really hate me? doiii" instead of just f-ing off like I thought she wanted. I'm an idiot, I get it, but for me the logic flowed like this: We fight > she says she doesn't want me around > I gradually limit my presence > I am out of her life completely. It made sense. She expressed a want, I planned to deliver on that want. Sure she's a teenager, but I was simply never the rebellious type. I was working out and studying all of highschool, I didn't have friends or anyone close and assumed that the rebellious teenagers were like that way for one reason or another. Since S was/is like me, I didn't think she would express such sentiments if she didn't feel it. I wasn't trying to manipulate her or anything, my thought process was just simple and surface-level because that's how MY emotions work. Again, S is like me, even now, I'd still consider her very blunt and straightforward, obviously less so than I was initially thinking when I made the original post, but still much more so than the average person in my experience. Up to this point, there was no reason for me to believe the contrary, and my unfamiliarity with teenagers and girls/women in general aided in the hampering. People making the assumption that I was evaluating my role in the family weren't exactly right either, though I can't say they were completely wrong. It wasn't a conscious consideration at the very least, I was just doing what I thought S wanted, that's it, actual brother/father or not, I think that's what I would've done. Subconsciously, there was some level of "there's nothing left I can really do for her" especially once the car was taken care of and since I'm not blood, but it wasn't the prime reasoning mechanism, if that makes any sense. The comment about me that said "he just had to write a fucking letter" was unbelievably funny. Also the one that says "he's just clueless as fuck." Also, some of you are defending my ex for cheating. Fuck off. It's one thing if she wanted to break up with me because she thought I was emotionally distant, even though I was emotionally distant before the relationship I would get that maybe she'd thought I'd change with some affection or something, but it's another thing to straight-up cheat on me. Break up with the person you don't want to be in a relationship with before starting a new relationship, it will save a lot of hardship. I'm still bitter over it, I don't express it to her or anything, but yeah I don't regard her as a standup individual, even if she is a good sister/mother otherwise. Also also, this isn't a "don't tell the kids I cheated" situation. S was 12 when we broke up, we both knew the negative effect my ex's cheating would have on her relationship with her sister and opted to, at that time, withhold that information. If she ever asks about it again, I'll probably tell her the truth permitting she states beforehand that nothing I say would effect her relationship with her sister (I know it would, but making her say that to hear the story feels like it creates a bit of a barrier, so to speak, and prevents me from just outright venting about my ex or painting her as evil or whatever). Some comments said I'm a creep, not a good guy, etc. The creep part I disagree with. I don't perv on girls or anything, I get creeped out with myself if I look in a girl's direction for more than 3 seconds in fear that she might feel uncomfortable. On not being a good guy, I don't disagree, but I don't agree either. I think I'm pretty firmly neutral. I'm not bad, but it's not like I'm a charity worker or a superhero or anything. That probably doesn't change your opinions, but it is what it is at this point. I don't know what else to say here. I feel like the people who, at least partially, took my side are still gonna be on my side while the people who called me a creep and a groomer are still gonna be against me. Whatever, I guess this post serves noone but myself. Have a good day. Don't kill yourself I guess. Try to be healthy? Your life I guess. Not my business. I simultaneously hate and love all of you. See you in two years when I post the AITA for cheating on my ex's 18-year-old sister you assholes. Yeah, I saw that shit too. And you guys are the same ones calling ME the weirdo. Whatever, I'm manipulative and vindicative and doing this all for my own self-worth. I know most of you are probably naive teenagers writing this shit, but still. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Planning to Start Anew

CONCLUDED

SululuXD

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17lhral/planning_to_start_anew/

17lv3k0

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Thotpocket44 **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **AITA for not supporting my dad and my friends’ new relationship?** Trigger Warnings: >!Betrayal, emotional manipulation, massive age gap relationship, potential grooming!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1424qkk/aita_for_not_supporting_my_dad_and_my_friends_new/) - **June 5, 2023** I cannot believe I actually have to post something in here, but I think I need a bit of clarity for my current situation because I really don’t have anyone else irl to talk to about it. I am 21F and attend college about 6 hours away from my hometown. Unfortunately, my mom passed away at a young age and my dad (48m) has been a single father to me for the past 8 years. My dad hasn’t dated anyone seriously throughout the years as he seemed to constantly indicate that all he wanted to focus on was being there for me. I have always encouraged him to put himself back out there and when I left for school, I encouraged this even more as he would be an empty nester. Since my freshman year of high school, I have had a really close friend (21F) that has always been there for me and I have spent a lot of time with. She attends a more local college that is only about 20 minutes away from my hometown. This all started this past Spring Break (March) when I went home and noticed that my dad was texting someone fairly regularly. I also saw the name that was texting him once and I did not recognize it, but it was a woman’s name. This is not common for him so I figured he may be finally sparking up his love life after all these years. I did not say anything about it because I didn’t want to make him feel weird or uncomfortable about getting back out there. He seemed happy and I was happy on the inside as well for him. I said my goodbyes and went back to school. A few weeks later later, I just so happened to be looking at FindMyFriends when I noticed that my friend was at my house. I thought this was strange since she doesn’t live necessarily close by. It will sound naive at this point, but I honestly did not think THAT much of it. About a week went by and I decided to came home one day early for Easter in April because I had just a feeling that something was strange and to try and catch my dad off guard a bit. Everything was normal and he was very happy to see me. I was planning on seeing my friend the next day for lunch. My dad and I spent the day together and then started watching a movie. Then it happened. I saw an incoming text on my dad’s phone and it was from my friend. This was all I needed to see to place the last piece of the puzzle together. My dad was going out with my friend. I was feeling pretty sick the next day (a little bit of faking to avoid the situation and I also just felt a bit uneasy about it all). It felt like a layer of trust was broken and the other external details (such as their age gap and the already existing dynamic) made me cringe up a bit as well. After 2 days at home, I took the next train back to school. I told my dad that I really had to ace an exam coming up so I had to get back. I needed to leave the situation and think. After thinking, I came to the conclusion that I am not ok with this relationship. I did not want my individual relationships that I had with each blended into one, I thought it was a bit gross, and above all the fact that they knew they had to be sneaky validates my feelings that they should know better. I waited until finals were finally over a few weeks ago and finally called my dad and told him that I know and what my thoughts are. He sounded very upset on the phone (sad, not at all angry) and told me that he understood and wanted to talk about it the next day so that he could think. I have no clue what he was telling my friend but I did not have any contact with her about this throughout these initial calls. The next day, my dad and I talked. He was very apologetic and understanding of why I was upset, but eventually came down and said that he would not stop seeing my friend. He said that they had been seeing each other since the end of last summer and have become attached to one another and he was not ready to forfeit “his first real connection that he has felt in so so many years.” I held my ground and told him that I will not be seeing him or hanging out with him when I returned home for Summer Break until he ends this. It has been two weeks at home with basically no interaction with him or my friend (aside from a text from my friend every other day requesting to talk in person or on the phone about it. I did not respond to her texts or calls.) Tonight it came to a head. I returned home from dinner with a friend to find my dad and my friend awaiting me in my house. This was the most unpleasant experience I have ever had with my father. It ended with him crying and him saying that I should understand because I know how hard it has been for him. He also pointed out that I have been deeply encouraging him to put himself back out there so I have to have some sort of sympathy with him. After about 15 minutes of yelling, tears, and overall awkwardness, I stormed out and drove to another friends house to stay for the night. I am too embarrassed to tell the friend I’m staying with the details/talk about why I left home or this relationship. So, I have sat here for the past few hours and wrestled in my mind with whether I am being too hard on them or if I am in the right. Am I the asshole here for not supporting this relationship or even tolerating it? Just a note, I have talked about 0 details yet with my friend or dad about why they started going out or etc. I just know that it’s been happening. I am sorry for how long this is, but I am very confused and don’t know what to think or feel. **Relevant Comments** ***Replied to a deleted comment*** >**OP:** Thank you. I truly understand what you are saying and I agree with most of it. But he is my only support system/family I really keep in touch with. I can’t really/I’m not ready to just cut him off like that, I just don’t know how to move forward or what to do. I know this may sound stupid given the situation, but he really has been a perfect dad up until now. He’s made so many sacrifices for me and I love him. This is so uncharacteristic that it really hurts &nbsp; [Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/142kid4/update_to_my_dad_and_friends_relationship_post/) - **June 6, 2023** Ok, so first of all I woke up this morning shocked that so many people had weighed in and interacted with my rant last night. I thought I would have like 3 people respond and then I would go from there. Truly, I am grateful for all perspectives and every point that people were bringing up. Seeing other people express their thoughts really made this easier to dish out in my mind, consider things that I had not before, and made me feel like there were people that actually could help. I am not very familiar with Reddit, so I’m not sure if “updates” like this are supposed to be attached to the original post or posted separately like this. I apologize if this is being posted “incorrectly.” Everyone has been so helpful that I wanted to keep an update and maybe even get further advice on how to move forward. This also really helps me debrief and put the experience into words. Before going into it, I do want to address something. I want to reiterate (I said this in one of the comments on my last post) that my friend and my dad did NOT have any sort of relationship/contact beyond waving hi and bye while I was in HS. I appreciate that people are looking out for me and encourage me to consider that there was maybe something going on then, but I know that this was not the case. This is definitely not a “grooming a minor that he knew” situation which hopefully is a relief to many of you that were concerned about that. The conversation I had with my dad this morning confirmed this as well. So after reading a few of the comments this morning and cooling down a bit, I decided to just go home and visit my dad to try and have a conversation about it all. We have way too good of a relationship to not just hear each other’s perspectives. I walked in at 8, when he is always drinking his coffee and watching the morning news. As soon as I opened the door he looked at me and he looked like he had not slept. About 10 seconds after I walked in with silence, he started crying pretty intensely. My dad is usually not emotional and throughout the past 24 hours I have seen him cry more than I have the rest of my life. He basically stopped me from saying anything and just said that he wanted to explain himself and the situation. Last summer my dad was at the gym when he ran into my friend. They waved hi to each other and he approached her because he wanted to ask if I had told her anything about my internship I had in another city for the summer. They talked briefly and then a month later they saw each other again at the gym. This time she asked him if he’d want to grab a coffee and he agreed because he knew we were good friends. He swears that he had 0 romantic intention going into this. Basically he said that they just hit it off and had a good time. It did not become “mutually romantic” until about a month later when they decided to get dinner. Once this all happened, my dad told her that he needed to tell me about it before moving forward. But, my friend did not want to tell me yet because she was not sure how serious they would eventually be and there was no point in making me feel uncomfortable for nothing. Unfortunately, this way of thinking just continually progressed until it reached the point of now, nearly 9 months later. He repeatedly said that he wanted to and should have told me from the second they even met up for coffee. Now for the awkward part. I will admit, the part that was actually making me feel the most uncomfortable was thinking about their sexual relationship. So, I knew I had to be straightforward. I asked him how long they had been intimate. Shockingly, he responded that he has not had sex with her yet. He said that they had done “other stuff” and I stopped him from going into detail about it because we did not need to share that stuff with each other. When I asked him why he has not had sex, he revealed that he has not had sex since he had become a widower. He will not do it until he knows that I would approve of the person he is with. He then revealed that he HAD gone on a few dates without me knowing for the past 8 years but did not think any of them were special enough to bring around. Not having sex with my friend even caused them to have a “break” last fall because my friend was upset that he wouldn’t do it with her but she eventually came around to accepting it. Hearing this really saved the image I have of my dad as a polite, respectful and mild-mannered man. I had said in a few comments on the last post that this was all very uncharacteristic of him and this information calmed a few of my nerves about the situation. Then the apologies began. He said he was nervous and panicked when I brought up that I knew about it and he lashed out. He said he was trying to convince himself that he was not in the wrong and was glamorizing the relationship a bit to make it seem like I should be more understanding. Then he started crying again and hugged me and said that he wants to start over with my friend with all of us on the same page, because he really does actually like being with her. He just wants to take it slow and dial back the seriousness a bit right now. I said that I would be open to this and that we could move forward from there, with no secrets. I also apologized for how reactive I was to it all at the moment. While I still may not fully agree with the relationship, I am more open to seeing it play out/being tolerant now that I know more details. It felt like the father that I knew had returned. I am meeting alone with my friend tonight. Hopefully there will not be another update since she will verify everything that he said and be on the same page as my dad and I with how we move forward. I will also say that I do not blame my dad for going out with someone my age. Yes, there is a weird dynamic to her being my age, but I think we are all kidding ourselves if we say that he cannot be excited as a man his age to get attention from a younger woman. There are so many other older men, especially celebrities, that are attracted to younger women that I will not entirely hold that against him. Thank you all for your help and insight. This may have not gone nearly as well as I would have liked if I had not been able to read some of your insights. I am feeling surprisingly hopeful about this situation going forward. Edit: There are many people convinced that they know every intricacy of this situation and that they for sure know what was true and false, but this is the moment where I realize that help from the internet has its limits. I still want to thank everyone that is simply just trying to look out for me, but respectfully I just know these people and certain histories/personality traits better than anyone else. None of this is ideal obviously and I'm not entirely ok or approve of everything, but I can tell you that I feel like I made progress in this situation today. I probably won't be returning to this because now it just seems like its being hashed out in outrage circles. Still, many of the things said on both this post and the last were helpful so I thank you guys. I will be ok and keep my wits. Onward and upward **Relevant Comments** ***b_gumiho:** I hate to say it, since this is a hopeful update, but that 27 year age gap is not going to play out well.* *For my friend, I would encourage her to date someone her own age, in her own life experiences, and certainly not my father.* *For my father, I would encourage him to date people his own age, in his own life experiences, and certainly not someone MY age who was MY friend.* *Even if they were strangers... play this age gap out. What happens when your friend wants to have kids? Your dad is going to be a 50+ year old new dad? Play it out even longer... that age gap puts the odds heavily in favor of your friend becoming a young widow herself eventually.* *Whatever this infatuation is... unless you friend is some Noor Alfallah who has a thing for much older men... this just isnt going to end well if they continue.* >**OP:** If it doesn’t play out well then it doesn’t. My biggest issue was breaking trust and keeping it a secret. I can’t control what either of them do. I can control how I would like to be treated by them and how I will respond if the trust is broken again ***Gold_Olive1883:** Okay, with more details, I think your dad needs to be discouraged from dating your friend. Not because of the age gap necessarily, or even the weird dynamic, but because I don't think she is able to be a good partner to him.* *Ultimately it's his call, but for real...he shouldn't stick around to deal with whatever toxicity your friend will bring to the table. He will be hurt. He should find someone that is a better partner. Maybe your friend will be a good partner for someone in 20 years...but she's definitely not right now.* >**OP:** Yep. I have warned him. I didn't just "drop" that I felt weird about their age difference. Rather I told him why it probably won't work anyway. It is his choice. He will see the consequences, good or bad. &nbsp; [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17hbikk/another_update_to_my_dad_and_friends_relationship/) - **October 26, 2023** Hello everyone, I had been off of Reddit for the past few months and I logged back in to a bunch of messages asking for updates on the situation I had posted about. (My dad and my friend had been secretly seeing each other and then I found out). So after my last post on here, everything seemed to go to a full stop. My friend and my dad decided to take a week away from each other and my dad really made an effort to hang out with me. At the end of that week, the three of us had a sit-down. It was mostly just everyone apologizing to each other for how everything played out. And then at the end, things just started to feel a bit more normal again. They agreed that they would take things very slow and I agreed that I would not try and infringe on it. The biggest thing I noticed was that it actually seemed like they liked each other. I had built up in my head that it wasn't an actual relationship and that they would be doomed anyway, but I felt like I may have been wrong. Somehow it has already been 4 months since this all happened (time went way too fast). As the summer went on they slowly started to get more serious and were publicly out and about by the time I was getting ready to go back to school. Her parents have now met my dad and apparently that went really well and her dad loves my dad. I went back to school and they are fully dating now. They came up for a football game at my school a few weeks ago and we had a lot of fun. They seem really happy. I get it, the age gap is weird, and I obviously had my reservations, but it's the happiest I have seen my dad in a long time. We also have a really good time whenever I have visited home this semester. The dynamic with my friend is a little different, we don't talk as frequently as we used to, but we still facetime every once in a while and check in with each other. Nothing has really changed with my dad. He still shows full devotion and interest in me and is there whenever I need him. Also, I still get 1-1 time with them, which I think has been really important. It's not always us 3 together. I can still hold my own relationship with both of them. At this point I, or really anyone else, would look pretty stupid acting like their relationship shouldn't exist. I will probably always be adjusting to this new normal and getting used to their age difference, but I think we're all in a really good place. I trust them again. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for not supporting my dad and my friends’ new relationship?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17lv3k0/aita_for_not_supporting_my_dad_and_my_friends_new/

17lv40q

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/girlatthegym67 **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole and r/AITAH **AITA for storming out of my Father's house after finding out he's reconciled with my Mother?** Trigger Warnings: >!child abandonment, child neglect, overdose, drug addiction, emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, significant age gaps!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/177ecol/aita_for_storming_out_of_my_fathers_house_after/) - **October 13, 2023** I (20F) was raised by my Father (49M) alongside my older brothers, Lyle and Kyle(both 23M, they're twins). Mom left us shortly after I was born so I've never really had a maternal figure growing up. I've tried to ask my Dad why Mom left, but he would always try to dodge the question. Anyways, this kinda of messed me up a little bit as a kid because I would always blame myself for her leaving. And it also didn't help that my older brothers would always use the ole trusty. "You're why Mom left!" Card in arguments. During my middle school years, my Mom began to call me and my brothers. She swore up and down for years that she wanted me back in her life but didn’t make any effort to get to know me. So that woman broke a lot of promises with me and my brothers. The last straw for me was when she didn't come to a beauty pageant I’d been excited for for months. I know that sounds really petty, but at the time, it was really important to me, and she swore up and down that she would come. Of course, she broke that promise, too. So when Mom called to "apologize" for not, I let that woman have it. I think the call almost lasted an hour and a half, and it was mostly just me cussing her out. Obviously, ever since that phone call, I've been no contact with her. But a few days ago, my Dad texted me if I wanted to have dinner with him and the boys, saying that he was going to make my favorite meal. Of course, I agreed. I walk in the house, and I hear my dad and my brothers talking. Nothing unusual, of course, but then I hear a woman laugh. So I walked to the kitchen and saw my Dad, Lyle and Kyle laughing and talking with my mother. So, at this point, I'm pissed and confused. And I think I thought out loud because I said "What the fuck is she doing here." Everyone immediately becomes silent, until Dad starts talking. Basically he says that I need to watch my tone, and that all they want to do is talk to me about their future. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Then, my mother had the great idea to drop the bombshell that her and dad got back together and had been dating for months. I think you can understand how gooped I was from this information. But then Lyle tells me that basically everyone in the immediate family knew about the relationship besides me because "they were worried about how I would react." So I'm still standing there, shaking with rage. So when my dad tried to grab my arm to sit me down so we could "talk", I snatched it back and basically stormed out the house. Now, I've been bombarded from texts from my dad and Lyle, saying I was immature and made mom cry. My friends are 50/50 on it. So Reddit, AITA? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **Relevant Comments** ***many_hobbies_gal:** NTA for how you feel, they blindsided you and then blamed you for your reaction. If you choose to have nothing to do with your mother, you shouldn't have too. Realize your father is an adult, free to be involved with whomever he chooses.* >**OP:** I know he's a grown man,but I just don't understand what he sees in her! She literally left him with three kids to raise all by himself, but now that they're all grown up, she wants to come back? > >This whole situation just has me in a tizzy tbh ***ConfusedAt63:** It would have been better for your dad to talk to you alone. The fact that the all kept if from you was inconsiderate of you. I am sorry, I’ve been there in the sense of being left out or always the last to know. Be strong* >**OP:** Thank you > >I just feel so upset and confused with them right now because they never kept anything like this from me! Usually, my Dad's addressing matters with all of us. ***k5hill:** Info: Was your mother in prison? I’m wondering if she was and your dad has been in touch with her, visiting even, all this time.* >**OP:** Honestly, I'm not sure if she was. > > My dad always said that Mom lived over the next state or something. That's all the information he would give me or my siblings &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17hd23c/update_aita_for_storming_out_of_dads_house_after/) - **October 26, 2023** So, before I get into anything, I just wanted to think everyone for the kind words and reassurement. I wasn't really expecting it at all. I also want to apologize for the late response to everything! I've been busy so much with work and other things that I just haven't had the time. Anyways, with your guys's advice, I texted my Dad and told him that I wanted answers about what the hell was going on. He agreed, but he said he wanted to have the dinner over at his place and I had to tell him that he lost that trust when he tried to back me into a corner! He came over to my apartment, I had my friend (M,24) stay in my sewing room for protection. Dad just started sobbing, begging for forgiveness. He kinda went on about how he just wanted us to be the family that we were twenty years ago, the family I don't even remember. And to let you guys know, these were definitely not crocodile tears. So I hugged him to calm him down, but I had to put my foot down and tell him I wanted answers not tears. He calmed himself a little bit down an explain everything that I asked to me. Mom was very young when she got together with Dad, with a significant age gap. They started dating right after her high school graduation. 2.My Mother had a history of drug addiction, something I had suspected. She overdosed once, and my Dad had to rush her to the hospital. The twins suffered during this period. 2.I was an unplanned pregnancy, and my parents decided to put my Mother in rehab during her pregnancy. She remained miserable, and she ran away to Florida after my birth. 3 Recently, my Mom got clean, got a job, and wanted to apologize to my Dad. They rekindled their relationship and decided it would be best to let the twins know first before they tell me.. It was nice to have this information and I thanked him for it, but I told him that why didn't she apologize to the kids whose hearts that she broke constantly. Of course, he started the back pedal, saying that I just needed to give her a chance to prove herself because the twins already have! Plus it was a really shitty move not to even mention to me that Mom was back! And I had to explain to him that I have given another chance, way too many times. And that she destroyed that bridge beyond repair. But I also did tell him that I wasn't going to cut them off for it but "Mom" was just going to be the new woman and that we needed to go to therapy without Mom before we continued anything. Dad was a little upset when I lay down this information to him but he did agree on the therapy and said he would tell Lyle and Kyle about it. He did told the twins, Kyle was down but Lyle was MAD. He tried calling multiple times, and wouldn't pick up he started texting me horrible things. Basically boiling it all down to me being a spoiled brat that needs to get over the past. I gave him a piece of my mind before I blocked him, and we've been NC since. We also had our first therapy session! And it wasn't groundbreaking, it was just kind of like a introduction type thing and kind of addressing what we want to work on. I showed her my post (when I was alone with her) to give her more context because I can be scattered brain at times. She says she definitely wants to go deeper on my feelings about my mother, alongside my father and brothers if possible. I'll try to give more updates if possible. **Relevant Comments** ***waitagoop:** I hope the therapy helps, this sounds like the most positive outcome anyone could have hoped for tbh, especially ‘mom’. You’re definitely owed a huge apology from her, multiple. It strikes me to not be so hard on your dad, he has clearly loved her this whole time. And Lyle probably saw how hurt and damaged he was after she left, so is happy for him. You are one family but all experienced and saw different things in this situation. I’m sorry your dad couldn’t articulate that she didn’t leave because of you though, so confusing for a young child and such an easy fix with the right words!* >**OP:** Thank you! It's also been helpful during this situation to see Dad's side of things. Makes me put things in perspective, but at the moment, I just can't bring myself to have anything to do with my mother. > >And it also didn't help that Lyle went ape shit on me as well. I'm just hoping everything falls into place in the future ***NextWelder4653:** Question: Did Kyle ever apologize for what he said to you? Lyle is a lost cause, but I think there's hope for Kyle. Your dad, "mom," and brothers need to understand that forgiveness is on your time, not their's. Just because they've forgiven her doesn't mean you immediately have to. I'm glad that your dad and Kyle are willing to go to therapy. Don't let anyone pressure you to forgive your mother. Also, if you haven't, let your dad know what Lyle said because that is not okay.* >**OP:** Kyle has apologized to me, we've always been closer to each other *Commentator gives advice about OOP’s dad not being honest with all three kids (OOP and twin brothers) with guilt involved. OOP’s dad is letting OOP being the punching bag and having the twin brothers blame and bullying OOP for their mother leaving. Family owes OOP an apology. One brother believes that OOP should let mom back in her life which OOP doesn’t want to.* >**OP:** I've had to go No Contact with Lyle with some of the shit he said. Literally, threatening me over this. > >I just don't understand how he could say a lot of the things he said to his own little sister, I guess he really does blame me or something. > >I do want to say I have hope for my father and Kyle. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for storming out of my Father's house after finding out he's reconciled with my Mother?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17lv40q/aita_for_storming_out_of_my_fathers_house_after/

17lv4xz

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/anxiousamericanbride **OOP gives her permission for this BoRU** **"Kidnapping" the Bride tradition?** **Originally posted to** r/weddingplanning [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/s/eoWhwiDAsU)  **Sept 22, 2023** Hi! I (24F) am in the process of wedding planning. My fiancé’s (24M) side is Scottish and they have many different traditions. I learned one today called "kidnapping the bride". His cousin explained that a few days before the wedding a few of my fiance's relatives and friends were going to take me to a pub and we'd stay there until my fiancé found me. They said it's a "bonding experience" where I hang out with his family and friends and my fiancé can bond with mine as they try to find me. His cousin is a bit of a prankster and is more familiar with the town my future in-laws are from. (My fiancé lives in America but makes several visits to Scotland to visit. We are getting married in Scotland since he has older relatives that couldn't travel to the states.) I had never heard of this tradition before but when I looked it up, the best I could find was a version in Germany. The only Scottish tradition that was similar included covering the couple in food as a joke. (Asked his grandmother about the last one and she said they would never do that one). I'm worried his cousin will purposely choose a pub hard to find or pull a prank on me when I'm there. Has anyone else heard of this tradition? Is it common? If so, what happens during it? It sounds harmless but I have an anxiety disorder and the idea of being alone with his friends and family for hours without him scares me. I'm scared I'll say something dumb or make a fool of myself. I'm close with some of them but not all of them.....but I guess that's also the point of this tradition? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **imhereforthegiggles** >Dating myself with this reference, but it's in the movie Made of Honor! >Do you have reason to believe the cousin would be malicious? It sounds like innocent fun to me and would be a good opportunity to get to know them, as you said. TBH being worried about making a fool of yourself or anything like that is kind of catastrophisizing. **OOP replied** >>Logically I know they wouldn't do anything intentionally to hurt anyone. They can just be a lot for me (and thats totally a Me thing. His cousin is classic extrovert.) They just like to joke around a lot. Its more the second thing you said-I want to make a good impression since according to Cousin, multiple relatives I haven't met before will be in on it. I'm more worried that they'll try to mess with my fiance by picking somewhere in the middle of nowhere and I'm in a awkward situation for several hours. Its also just a little scary being in a place I've never been with unfamiliar people in a country I've only visited a handful of times.  >>Also, never seen Made of Honor but just checked the wiki. My fiancé did mention a tradition involving throwing coins for the children in the wedding but I haven't heard the "peck for a coin", I'll have to ask about that one. We're doing a handfasting and the family has a special bowl/cup that we both are drinking out of during the ceremony. (There's also a specific song my in laws asked to be played as the last song of the reception, but thats all the traditions I can think of at the top of my head. We're still in the early planning stages) [Update](https://reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/s/ZLxu0SneWH)  **Sept 29, 2023** UPDATE: I talked to Cousin and I’m glad I did. We talked for over an hour! I explained I’m nervous since I've never been anywhere in Scotland without my fiance before and asked about the “kidnapping”. Cousin admitted they planned to make it like a puzzle for my fiance to solve since he's mentioned we both love escape rooms. (ex. texting clues to the pub's name or location, etc.) and even some relatives are in on it already. (ex: one of his aunt's runs a bookstore and a clue could lead to her, and she'd give him another clue). Cousin explained it'd been so long since anyone in the family married and they wanted to go big. Cue terrified bride. I told Cousin that it sounds fun, but might overwhelm me. Cousin tried to reassure me and after some back and forth, they admitted my fiance's grandparents wanted to rent out a place and make the whole thing a second bridal shower/party for me since lots of relatives won't meet me until closer to the wedding. They were going to drop a surprise party on me. It sounds nice but....wow. I asked Cousin about scaling back and we reached a compromise. Cousin will give me the location as soon as its decided and (per reddit’s' advice) I can bring a friend/relative with me, AND there's a cut off point where if my fiance gives up or I've had enough, we text my fiance the location (and I can have as much contact with my fiance via phone as I want) Cousin: "Of course you can. This isn't a hostage situation." And they apologized for overwhelming me. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **icylemonades** >Sounds like you've already gotten to know his family better just in discussing all of it! Glad you were able to tell them what concerned you and they were able to compromise for your comfort. >(also this sounds so fun to me. @ my partner's family... let's step it up) **OOP replied** >>Lol! Yeah it sounds like they really want to connect. I didn't realize how tight knit Fiance's family was before but thinking back, according to Future Dad in Law, they basically adopted his wife when they married so it makes sense. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Kidnapping" the Bride tradition?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17lv4xz/kidnapping_the_bride_tradition/

17lv5g2

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/suzaman **My(41M) wife(35F) refuses to put our son(6) in public school. How do I move forward?** **Originally posted to r/relationship_advice** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!OCD, controlling behavior!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/iddRGkYOe2)  **Oct 18, 2023** I don't know what to do with this issue because its a combination of parenting and relationship. My son is 6 years old but is very smart and we are currently "homeschooled" but currently they haven't had a session in weeks. When they do it's just a few hours, if that, 3 times a week, if that. I'm very frustrated because even though I understand the advantages of homeschooling; more focus on subjects that matter without the fluff, not subjecting him to the dangers of public school. I still rather have him endure that then him on his phone constantly throughout the day and not obtaining any social skills or any kind routine. The wife and I have(argued) fought about this many of times and I told her it's the last year of this home schooling. She has clinical OCD and babies him a lot. It's her only child so I understand to an extent. I have 3 others from a previous marriage and 2 live with us. So I don't know if that has something to do with it or not. I'm not sure if counseling, compromise or ultimatums are in order here as she absolutely refuses to put him in school and I have threatened divorce because I find it's very harmful for him. Any advice would help. TLDR: wife doesn't want to put son in public school but lacks the discipline to consistently homeschool him. Edit: I want to thank everyone who has given me great advice. I really appreciate it. This is a difficult situation to say the least. To those who had lingering questions, I work from home, so that's how I know. Yes she gets therapy and medication for her OCD. Yes I know I'm at fault for not just enrolling him in school behind her back, but this is something I have argued for the past 2 years. I take his education seriously but you don't just do what you feel is right without consulting your partner. So I decided to write down my feelings and will give her a choice. I love her and my son. I feel we can make a decision that is beneficial to all but if she wants to be stubborn I'm willing to walk away. Which is a very hard decision with lots of ramifications. I will update afterwards. Thank y'all again. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **TOP COMMENTS** **RIP_Dirtbag** >She’s gonna wreck him if she’s allowed to homeschool him the whole time. * **thisisntshakespeare** >If your wife’s mental illness (OCD) is driving this issue, it is in your child’s best interest to attend school. “Not subjecting him to the dangers of public school” this sounds like an OCD worry. Has her fears impacted the whole family? >She desperately needs professional therapy (if she isn’t already). Her catastrophic thinking is very harmful to your son’s own psyche. Her therapist must be aware how her illness is affecting your young son. >Your wife is neglecting his education. Her mental health issues is deeply affecting her insight and her parenting. * **nsj95** >Why does this six year old have a phone? 😩 **COMMENTATOR SHARES HIS OWN STORY** **doublebubbledb** >Idk if my story will help your case at all, but my mom tried to do the same with me. >I was “homeschooled” aka I was at home instead of going to public school. Luckily I got some formal education for three years so I at least knew how to read. >My “homeschooling” was really just getting to sit around and read or play on my phone. She never pushed me to do anything. No math, no science, no history, nothing I didn’t want to do. >Eventually my grandparents visited, saw that I was basically a 13 year old 3rd grader and CPS was called. I was taken to live with my grandparents then eventually my dad. Got to go to high school, but I was bullied horribly for my lack of social skills. I’m in college now but it took three extra years of remedial education to get to basic freshman level. >I am in my mid 20’s and still can’t socialize, still can’t do division. I encounter huge gaps in my knowledge daily. I literally can only read and write so well because all I did for school was read. >Oh and I also do not speak to my mom and called CPS the second I caught wind of her doing the same to my siblings. [Update recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17gz6bc/update_my41m_wife_35f_refuses_to_put_our_son_in/)  **Oct 26, 2023** So after many heated arguments, we agreed that she could finish out this year. If she stays consistent and there is an improvement, I agree he will stay homeschooled but If I don't he will go to public school. I am still afraid she may renege on the deal and she is afraid I may not give her a fair shot and just disagree no matter what when the time comes, but that's where the trust in your partner is really tested. Now this took a lot of conviction and tears and emotions. This was not easy to get to because of how strongly we felt about her homeschooling and the public school system. So I suppose any argument about the welfare of our children is better than petty ones. In the end, I was close to really walking away, but I listened to her feelings and she understood mine. I hope this helps someone in a similar situation. Thanks for all the positive feedback. EDIT: So let me explain, I have a calendar of his lessons and times she will be teaching him. Those will be signed off and checked. I will also have him tested at the end. She has until the end of December this year. If she fails, then he will be enrolled come Jan 2024. Also, the nasty comments that we are failing him, I'm a terrible parent, spineless. Not needed. I was and am willing to divorce unless I have my son succeed. I'm sure you all meant it as motivation, I'm guessing. I'm here to fight for my son, but also in a marriage, and you don't just throw away your marriage unless there is no other choice. So if she reneges on the deal, she knows the consequences. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My(41M) wife(35F) refuses to put our son(6) in public school. How do I move forward?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17lv5g2/my41m_wife35f_refuses_to_put_our_son6_in_public/

17lv5u6

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/offMyChestTemp2255 **My husband came to terms with his death and I just can't deal with it** **Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Mentions of euthanasia, cancer, death of spouse, verbal abuse!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Gut wrenching but bittersweet!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/sW4XmQrVhX) **Aug 18, 2022** I (F42) have been married to my husband (M38) for over 10 years, we met when I was 24 in a club, ever since I knew him, he could never accept any health damages, he fell from a ladder from 2 meters or so, went into hospital just becaus I insisted, when he was 25 he started to complain about his knee hurting really badly when he bends it, took me 5 years to send him to the doctor over this, he ended up having surgery after which he was supposed to rest for 2 months, after 2 weeks he was back at working out and jogging. Two years ago he was diagnosed with leukemia, he straightway stopped smoking after the diagnose and worked out even more then before, so he boosts his health. It didn't help at all and last month his health went down hill, he got all pale, he got weak to the point I had to help him up stairs on a few occasions. 2 days ago while dining, our daughter (15F) asked him if he could take her hiking to the alps next year, he just said something in the lines of "I'm not sure if I'll still be around by that time". I still held my cool, after that our daughters left to go to sleep and I blew up on him. I just started screaming, I can't even remember what exactly it was anymore, something like "From the moment I met you you never gave in to any health condition, you always overcame everything, and now from out of nowhere you accept your own death?". Normaly he would raise his voice at me saying "We are not animals in this house so we will not scream at eachother". But not then, he just glared into the corner of the kitchen and said nothing, and when his eyes started watering my heart shattered into thousands of pieces. In that moment I knew I have only a short time left with the love of my life, and I will forever regret blowing up at him. Edit: I apologised for everything, he told me I didn't even had to, that it's only natural and that stages of grief are a real thing. To all the people saying he deserved it because he was smoking, I hope you never have to go through something like this. At first I didn't even want to edit anything here but seeing how many people showed their sympathy I needed to say thank you to all of you, we had a long talk today and I decided to arrange bucket list days for him, so he enjoys the last few months he has. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **alanamil** >>Ask your husband to write letters to your children so they have something to keep from him and re-read. Make sure he tells them how much he loves them. My husband died at 49, he had cancer, I wish he had done that for our daughter. He has been gone almost 20 years and she never got over it because the last time she told him good night he did not tell her he loved her. Parents, for pete sakes always tell your children that you love them. **OOP replied** >>This is actually so nice, I will totally tell him to do this, even tho, It seems like our daughters are much stronger then I ever could have been. [Update - 14 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/eIr8C1FgsB) **Oct 26, 2023** Hello Reddit, I haven't really had the intention to post on here again, but my therapist thought it might be therapeutic to do so since it helped the last time. My kids are at my late husbans parents so I've had some wine to give me the will to actually write this down. As you might have guessed from my previous text it happened, my husband died about half a year ago and I miss him so damn much... I've wanted to thank all of you who suggested grief couceling, me, my late husband and our 2 daughters attended about 2 monts after my original post and without it we would most likely be more destroyed then we arleady are. I also wanted to thank the person who suggested for my husband to film videos for our daughters life goals, we together made some videos for their graduation, marriage, first child and other major life goals, it actually took us much longer then it could have because it was just too hard for us, the realisation of the fact our life together was over was just so hard, if the text doesen't make sence I'm very sorry I'm crying with every word I write and I take brakes, so the text might be unreadable, I will try to correct any mistakes. Now to the happy part, before the love of my life got really bad we tried to do as many things from his bucket list as possible, I've never thought I could enjoy so many things I wouldn't care for otherwise, like MMA, it was his passion for such a long time but he never actually saw any fight in person, we finally went to the castle in the centre of our city for the first time after living here for 6 years, never had the time, now we had all the time in the world for ourselves and our kids, we traveled a lot, we went to see the stone henge such a curious site! After that we went to see the fjords which fascinatead him so much, we went to see the northern lights too! It was just so beutiful, we couldn't stay long anywhere so we could get back for my husbands therapy and girls had to go to school. We also got to see the coloseum and some more great sites. I hated myself for quite some time after the events of my last post, when he was still alive he mentioned it only once, told me to not to worry about it, that it was just the silent thoughts said out loud, that he doesen't want me to ever worry about it again or he'll haunt me, some of you might think that it was not nice but we used to have a specific humour and we have one rule in our house, as long as it's funny it's allowed, also if the person who is the butt of the joke finds it funny it's okay. He got really bad about a month before passing, I mean, when we were traveling he was in a wheelchair, but that was only for the long walks, but the last month he already couldn't move without it, I hated to see him in that state, it hurt both me and our daughters, it was just so painful, and I also saw his pain in his eyes, he was so angry that he couldn't go by his own way, euthanasia is not legal where we live, he always was pro, I didn't used to be, but now when I saw in how much pain he was I would do anything just for him to feel better, he deserved to choose his own way out, what he didn't deserve was spend his last days in pain or under drugs. His last moments our whole family was with him, with my parents and inlaws too, in one of his last moments concious he told us all how much he loves us, I tried to be so strong for our girls, and I was, I stayed together until after his funeral, after seeing him lifeless I broke down knowing that it's all over, but at least he didn't feel any more pain. I will never forget you Patrik, I will forever love you, you were my light in this dark world, you were the fire that kept me from freezing, now I will try to be as good of a support you were to me to our daughters who love you so much, miss you **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Mrs239** >I am so sorry for your loss. >I, too, am a young widow. Cancer struck at 31, and he was gone in 10 months. Our marriage wasn't perfect, but I'd loved him since 9th grade. I didn't know how I was going to live without him. >It literally takes one day at a time. Sometimes, it took going hour by hour. "Let me see if I can go this next hour without crying." Then, I made it to a day without crying. Then a week. >It's been over 11 yrs and some days are still hard. It took a long time to date again, but I am finally in a wonderful and stable relationship. It took me 10 yrs to find him. >You are a strong woman and a great mother to your kids. The love stays with you. Take your time to grieve, and I hope that the life you live from here on out is a beautiful one. **OOP replied** >>I know I still got a long long way ahead of me, I had such a long time to prepare for this and yet I feel like I still have no idea where to go from here, the hardest thing for me was when my late husband wanted to talk about the "post me future", I know that it was necessary and thanks to it I have at least some sence of direction but I feel like the world will never be the same again, I'm super happy that you healed and I hope to once be like you **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My husband came to terms with his death and I just can't deal with it

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17lv5u6/my_husband_came_to_terms_with_his_death_and_i/

17lw0dq

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/newuser9461](https://www.reddit.com/user/newuser9461/). They posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!weird, but a happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17f46fq/aita_for_telling_my_uncle_to_stop_gifting_my/)**: October 23, 2023** So, a little backstory. When my sisters and I were kids, every year for our birthdays and Christmas my uncle would give us cards. Inside those cards would be a printed out picture of some place (i.e. local theme parks, the zoo, aquarium, museums, any place a kid would love to go). After we opened them, he would tell us that we're going to that place. He would say things like "it's gonna be the best trip of your life!" That would obviously make us very excited. Here's the thing. We never went on any of those trips. We never went to any of those places. As a young kid, it would be disappointing. But after a while I started expecting it and just going along with it. I don't hold any animosity towards him at all obviously. As an adult now, I understand he did that because he didn't have the means to buy us gifts. Here's where I'm starting to have a little bit of an issue with it. My daughter's fifth birthday was last week. My uncle gave her a card, she opened it to find a printed out picture of a theme park about two hours away from our house. And he promised her a fun weekend away. He promised her things like a giant hotel room with a swimming pool, all the snacks she could ever want, and tickets to every show she wants to see at the park. She was over the moon. For the past week, my daughter has talked non-stop about this trip. She keeps telling me how excited she is and how excited her whole class at school is for her. It breaks my heart to look at that smile on her face knowing it's not gonna happen. I remember how disappointing it was for me, and I don't want her to go through that. So. I texted my uncle. Here's what the message said, "Hi! Your message in \[daughter's name\] card was so beautiful. Do you think next time you could leave out the promise of an extravagant trip? The thought and gesture is amazing. However, I never know what to say when she asks me when this trip will be. She absolutely loves spending time with you so I know the promise of even a nice lunch together would make her so happy." He never responded, but my aunt told me he was upset. She said something like he was offended that I implied the only thing he could afford was a "nice lunch." I didn't mean it like that at all. I just wanted him to understand that she loves him and wants to spend time with him and he doesn't need to promise impossible things to make that happen. But I can see why he interpreted it the way he did. And that's where I'm wondering if I'm the asshole. This has been an unspoken thing in my family for so many years so I'm now wondering if I should've just kept it that way. I just can't stand the thought of my little girl getting disappointed so many times. My sisters and my mom agree with me. My mom even said she wished she stopped it when we were kids. So, AITA for telling my uncle to stop gifting my daughter extravagant trips? ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h2yym/update_aita_for_telling_my_uncle_to_stop_gifting/)**: October 26, 2023 (3 days later)** Thanks to everyone for your feedback on my last post. A lot of people asked me why I was being so nice to my uncle and honestly, I think I underestimated how weird it was because it's been so normalized in my family. I didn't want to cause drama, so I went about it as non-confrontational as possible. I agree now I should've been more direct. Another concern a lot of you had was, that I allowed this to happen to my daughter previously. That is not true. This is the first time he promised her one of his trips. That's why I decided to say something, so this doesn't become a recurring thing. Here's the update. I tried to call my uncle twice but he didn't answer. I got through to my aunt and explained everything to her; how many times he did this to my siblings and I and how often we were disappointed. I told her my daughter was so excited and that if they were actually planning to take her on this trip, I would apologize. She didn't take that well. She told me I was creating unnecessary drama and that my daughter and I are acting "entitled" to expect them to drop everything to go on this trip. I was shocked and angry. I said how dare you say that. She didn't imagine this trip in her mind and then expect you to take her, you PROMISED her this trip. Her disappointment is not entitlement. I said it's not my job to make sure a grown man feels secure in himself and it's a shame my family spent so long coddling him. I was so mad I just hung up. I don't feel any ounce of guilt for setting my boundary anymore. For everyone asking if I can take my daughter on the trip, unfortunately that theme park closes for the season this month. But I surprised her with something even better. After the phone call with my aunt, my partner and I decided to book a trip to Disneyland! It sounds crazy and impulsive, but we've been wanting to plan this for a while now and decided it's the perfect time. My kid IS entitled to an extravagant trip. Last night, we sat her down and explained that her uncle won't be able to take her on the trip. I tried to be as honest as possible without confusing her. She was unsurprisingly upset and had a lot of questions. After we answered them all, I told her not to worry because her mom and dad are taking her somewhere instead. When she found out it was Disney, she was over the moon. She's spent all day deciding which Minnie Mouse stuffy she wants to take with her. I told her to tell her class her trip got upgraded. All things considered, it's a happy ending. I know I won't always be able to protect her from disappointment, But I sure as hell will do my best. She's getting that giant hotel room she was promised. ***Relevant Comments:*** *I wouldn't be accepting any more cards from them at all:* "Don’t worry, I’m not. I’m going to be checking cards of any event he comes to. It’s a shame I even have to do that but if it means protecting her from his lies I’ll do it!" *That family dynamic is just wild. Why has everyone just accepted it?* "I wish I had a good answer to this question. I have a theory though. My uncle is the boy in the family and my grandma has always treated him differently than she treats her daughters. You know, the typical self-proclaimed “boy mom” stuff. She thinks he’s perfect. So I’m starting to believe everyone let him get away with this because they didn’t want to upset my grandma. I’m sure she’s pissed at me for hurting her son’s feelings! 🤷‍♀️"

AITA for telling my uncle to stop "gifting" my daughter extravagant trips

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17lw0dq/aita_for_telling_my_uncle_to_stop_gifting_my/

17lw8eo

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/FuckingPantyThiefs](https://www.reddit.com/user/FuckingPantyThiefs/). She posted in r/badroommates. Thank you to u/PathAdvanced2415 for the recommendation. **Trigger Warnings:** >!trespassing; sexual harassment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating but things moving in a positive direction!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/132xexf/suspected_my_roommate_35m_was_going_into_my_30f/)**: April 29, 2023** This suspicion started because about a month ago, he texted me at night asking if the upstairs neighbors were being loud in my room, and I texted back, "no, I'm at a friend's tonight I won't be back until 2pm or 3pm tomorrow." I left said friends early the next morning, went into my room and fucked around on my computer....dude just fucking opened the door and tried to walk in at 7:30am. I said, "UM, EXCUSE ME?" very aggressively and he came back with two conflicting statements when pressed: "Sorry, I thought I knocked" which--fuck you, *I* didn't fucking open the door OR invite you in, so what the fuck? Followed by, "I thought it was my room"....which, why the fuck would you knock to go into your own room? We are also on opposite sides of the hallway? It made me feel weird, and I told my boyfriend about it, who bought me a Kasa webcam. The very next day following installation, this guy goes into my fucking room *while I'm at therapy* and it's.....to pet my cats. Alright. That's a little weird that you didn't ask before hand, but that's okay. It's like a 1.5/10 on the creepy scale compared to what I thought was happening. My cats cannot leave my room, as my other roommate (60M) has a cat with free reign of the apartment and his cat fucks my cats up, so they are unfortunately confined to my room. You can come into my room to pet my cats...that's...fine I guess. Why not just say that when you tried to the other day, then? Nothing happens for weeks. Until yesterday. Yesterday was a fairly light day and I didn't even have to go to campus, so I just go to the gym. While I'm at the gym, I get a "activity detected" notification. Since the last time I saw him in my room to pet my cats, every "activity detected" notification has just been one of the furballs on my desk. Nope. It's him entering my room, not even looking all the way around before he sticks his hands into my fucking hamper and digs around for a minute. Then he IMMEDIATELY goes to my clean underwear drawer, and when he's done there, fucking bee lines it for my nightstand where I keep *very expensive* lingerie, as well as all of my sex toys. *He very clearly knows where all of my things are.* I'm watching this live at the gym and I'm fucking livid. After he leaves my room, I rewatch the clips and notice he *put something back into my hamper* on entry. He enters the room with something (folded fabric) in his hands, and goes for my hamper, and then when he's done in the hamper there is nothing in his hands anymore. So he's just been borrowing and/or stealing my clothes (underwear.) I text him both on discord and in our roommate chat: No one is permitted in my room when I'm not there, and ESPECIALLY not to raid my fucking used clothing, panty drawer, or sex drawer. He says "sorry" and immediately leaves the group chat, and then spams me on discord and text messages, "I'm sorry", "IDK what's wrong with me", "it won't happen again", "I have a problem" you know, dumb "I got caught I think this is what I should say" bullshit. I just told him: Don't fucking speak to me, and only text me about bills. Unfortunately, I don't have parents, my boyfriend lives with his parents who would not be down with me living there, and none of my friends have a place I can stay. I am stuck here. I'm also fixed income because grad school, so even if I could afford the monthly, deposits and such wouldn't be covered, and it took me 3 months to find this place which was the first and only to let me keep both cats. I already bought and installed a lock, despite my apartment complex saying I can't have a lock on my door but fuck them, my safety comes first. However, I can't help but feel disgusted about my things being touched. After I got back from the gym yesterday I threw on a bathrobe and never got dressed again. Today when I woke up and though I'd go to the gym early, I paused at my underwear drawer and just...couldn't bring myself to put any on. This fucker already owes me $400, but I don't even want to wear anything in my underwear drawer not knowing what pair has been "used" by him. My friends say I should go through and catalogue (as well as sterilize) all of my things. I just want everything replaced, but considering the cost of some of these things (one of my bras is $600...) they think it's unreasonable to ask. I also want to go file a police report, but I don't even know what it would be for. Trespassing? The second I press charges I'm out a roommate, and his room is a fucking neckbeard nest that I'm not going to clean. I don't even know what to do here, I'm still livid and I still feel pretty fucking unsafe with a lock on the door. Is there anything else I can/should do? **Update (Same Post, Same Day):** The rest of the footage hadn't loaded. Apparently he was jerking off after he went for the panty drawer, *with my fucking lube*. God damned degenerate. I'm currently calling non-emergency to see what actions can be taken and how long I can sit on this, since moving or replacing him as a roommate isn't an option. **Edit:** The bra was purchased when I was working, over 3 years ago, and making $120k/year. I saved a majority of my earnings so that I could return to school for my masters (which I paid for and completed in 2 years) and now I am going for my PhD, living off of savings and extremely lean research stipends. What purchases I made 3 years ago isn't fucking relevant, please stop saying I have a "spending prioritization issue" when clearly it's a "reading comprehension issue" from some of you. TIA. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Talk to your landlord:* "I don't have a landlord. I have a property management company that refuses to do any sort of work. They wouldn't evict the tenants above me when I have them on video threatening to push me down the stairs, another video of them threatening another tenant when they talked to their kid, or leaving fucking half eaten food on the stairs nearly daily despite the fact that this building has a well established roach problem. I had to wait 3 weeks for a washer to be replaced, and refused to pay rent for the month that it was broken (which I was shocked they had the sense to not fight me on.) My landlord isn't a person, my landlord is a corporation. Who cannot even be bothered to pay front office staff to be here on weekends. More than likely I will pick up a six month tenancy somewhere, and my boyfriend will help me with deposit costs if need be. I'm going to look at two places today and go over some finances to see what makes the most sense." *Why can't you just get him evicted?* "Because I am fixed income, and my other roommate is also fixed income. Neither of us can afford to pay an extra $700 - $1000 a month until we find someone. I could do it for a month, MAYBE 2, but he absolutely couldn't and I could not foot the bill to pay $2000k a month in just rent, utilities, and internet. It isn't "a little extra", removing the third roommate would likely be 2.5 times what I'm paying now if we can't find someone to immediately replace him." *Press charges:* "Oh I'm pressing charges either way. I already sent him one 5 second clip of him fucking jerking it in my room when he said he "wasn't doing anything in my room" the first time. If I can get out of the lease first before him, I'd rather do that. Both of their rooms are fucking disgusting (cannot walk past them without holding my breath) and I do NOT want to be on the lease whenever it ends because I just *know* I will be on the hook for replacing the carpeting or any other smell they're just unable to remove. When I moved in they closed both of their doors and put out air freshners. They cleaned. 5 days after I signed my lease and was officially moved in, they started leaving their doors open and ever since it's just been a nasal nightmare. I will ask them to do something about it, things will be fine for a month, and then it's back to square one. I'm tired of it so I might as well take this sign/opportunity to gtfo." *Make sure to not send the video to others as that could be a crime:* "No, I haven't sent it to anyone other than him. I have physically shown part of the footage (him entering my room) to the leasing office, as well as him hiking up his shorts after spamming him to get the fuck out of my room, but everything in between is for me and PD to figure out." *The type of bra and one more note from OOP since some comments ridicule her for her spending:* "Yep. Bordelle, Studio Pia, and AP are expensive. I've been advised by non-emergency to not sanitize, in case I need any of these things for evidence and also, if they can be submitted under damages, for my renters insurance to cover them." "Fucking thank you. These pieces were bought when I was miserable, but being paid north of six figures. My return for my MFA was decided after 3 years in an industry I hated and buying nice things for myself as an occasional treat for putting up with my industry, 3 years ago, is not the fucking point of this post nor relevant. It was relevant to the story because I asked my friends if he should pay for these things to be replaced, and they said *yes* until I told them how much some of my more expensive lingerie costs and then they said, "well, maybe don't ask for him to pay for *all of it just because you have expensive taste* and I thought that was insane. I saved money for 3 years so that I could do this. I have "emergencies" budgeted into my living expenses for the next 3 years of schooling, but I feel I shouldn't have to qualify "replacement clothing for stuff my roommate jerked off it" as an emergency--it should either be covered by him or insurance, as it is clearly damaged." *One more thought from OOP:* "I leave my pepper spray literally on the same nightstand he violated. Next to my night stick. And my underwear drawer has literally my handgun case on top of it. In plain view, you cannot miss it, and he *knows* it's a gun because I told him I started carrying when our shitbag upstairs neighbors moved in. It does not matter to the guy." *And one more on the cats:* "Two cats, 350 sqft room. Not ideal, but they're content. They have a cat castle with the litterbox hidden in a bottom compartment. I clean it every other day which can be a hassle, but it was this or no cats at all and I have never surrendered an animal. One of them has extreme anxiety that took 3 years for my last partner to even be able to pet her without her flinching. Would I rather they were able to go roam around the house? Absolutely. Other roommate cannot close his door though (the apartment is literally sunk at the door frame from water damage) so his cat gets to go wherever....except my room." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/17h7r9o/update_roommate_was_sneaking_into_my_room_to/)**: October 26, 2023 (6 months later)** Hello all, I am indeed alive and out of that shitty apartment. I didn't want to provide an update until I knew the full outcome of the story, and it unfortunately took until just under an hour ago to get that. After a week and a half of playing phone tag to file a police report, and then sitting in a police substation for 7 hours to file a report, he was eventually arrested for criminal trespassing (a felony charge in my state.) This was in April. He or the prosecutor were able to shove back pre-trial hearings until today, nearly into November. Today he plead guilty to criminal trespassing and will have 12 months of probation. Since it's a felony, he will also lose his guns. I was able to be released from the lease since the judge who saw him the morning after his arrest issued a notice to vacate under the explicit supervision of law enforcement. Since I was involved in the order, I was given the option to break the lease without penalty which I enthusiastically agreed to. I paid my other roommate utilities start up fees (internet and power were in Douchebag's name) and utilities for the next 3 months before I left since he had to backfill two roommates. I also cleaned my own room and Douchebag's room before I left. He was stealing all sorts of shit from me and other roommate (mostly food we never gave him permission to eat, despite him literally only ever doordashing food and making more money than me and Other Roommate combined.) Fun fact for those of you who are wondering, *didn't he jerk off with your stuff? Isn't that sexual assault? Why is there a trespassing charge instead of something sex crime related?* It turns out (at least where I live) that for sex crimes there has to be a victim. Since I was never present in the room when he committed those acts and there was no "DNA evidence" left on any of my things, there was technically no victim, which means no sex crime. I could have pushed for that charge but the chances of that sticking were nothing. Since Douchebag never posted the room I was renting on Craigslist, and only posted it on a website where you *HAD TO UPLOAD A FACE PIC TO EVEN BE A USER*, I wanted to make sure whatever he was arrested for stuck so that no other woman ever had to have her stuff violated again. I completely forgot about that whole website thing until the prosecutor's office called me and they asked me how I even found the room in the first place, were there any other signs, what about the last roommate, etc. when they were building their case against him. The only man I will room with now is my partner :)

Suspected my roommate (35M) was going into my (30F) room, and he was.....to steal my fucking panties

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17lw8eo/suspected_my_roommate_35m_was_going_into_my_30f/

17ma5ue

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/aita-mas in /r/AmItheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!none!< mood spoilers: >!kind of wholesome?!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA? My wife says I'm asking her to "mask".**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17bx2pa/aita_my_wife_says_im_asking_her_to_mask/) - Thursday, October 19th, 2023 Hi reddit. Sorry for this sockpuppet account. I am 34m and my wife "Polly" is 32f. Like a lot of couples, we debrief after our workdays. Polly works in a high-touch, high-interaction job, so we usually say our hellos, make dinner, and then eat separately so she can wind down a bit. Then, afterwards, we sit in the living room and shoot the shit. Polly has a mild neurodivergence that means she tells... let's call it "branching" stories. She will get bogged down in sidestories and background stories and details that, frankly, add nothing to the core story about her workday. That's usually fine, but I've noticed it getting a bit worse, to the point that, by the time she's done, it's basically time to watch a show and go to bed. I mean, I'm spending upwards of an hour just listening and adding "mmhmm" and "oh wow", because she says she gets even MORE distracted when I ask questions. I brought this up with Polly, and she said that I am asking her to mask her disorder, and that's just how her brain works. I get that feeling, I really do, but I am starting to feel like I'm a side character here, because she takes up all the airtime that we set aside to debrief. Here's why I might be an AH: I said "well, we all change our communication styles based on context, right?" And she said that's different, and that masking is not code switching. I just want some time to talk about my day, too, but I don't want her to feel bad. AITA? &nbsp; ***Relevant comments:*** *Polly is 32 years old and she's completely monopolizing their time together.* "to be fair to my wife: she really does try. She puts work into asking me how my day was, then asking followup questions. I just don't, idk, have the same rapid-process verbal skills as her? As I'm describing a difficult project at work, I tend to equivocate as I talk. Whereas she is just like SALLY WALKED IN AND HAD HUGE ASSHOLE ENERGY RIGHT OFF THE BAT, ALSO I COULD TELL SHE WAS WEARING SPANX" _ *NAH. Sounds like you need to switch things up. You should talk first so you get a chance to talk about your day, then she can use the rest of the time. I know how your wife feels. For me, branching out like that is the only way I can really vent.* "okay, help me understand: sometimes she brings up things that are genuinely unimportant, like objectively, the color of her boss's shoes doesn't really matter to the story about her big boss meeting. How does it work inside your brain when you're bringing that up?" *Think of it this way: a neurotypical brain connects point a to point b to point c. For example, I didn't sleep well last night, which meant I got up late, so I was late for work. A neurodivergent brain is more like a spiderweb. Point a connects to b1, b2, b3, etc. B1 connects to c1, c2, c3, etc. B2 connects to d1, d2, d3, etc. And all those points are interconnected. So, for example, I slept badly last night, so I woke up late, I watched a movie where that happened to a guy and as a result he got caught up in an espionage case. At one point, he stepped in blood and his white shoes turned red. My boss had red shoes on yesterday. Oh, I need new shoes. My old ones are falling apart. I wonder if that chicken place is still in the mall. And so on. That can all be going on in your head, but not coming out. So it can sound more like "I slept badly last night and was late for work, oh my boss had red shoes on!" That can make it not sound connected, but it's because your brain is going so fast and you're thinking so many thoughts at once, but your mouth can't move as fast as your brain so it comes out sounding unconnected and disorganized.* *Verdict*: **NOT THE ASSHOLE** ___ [**UPDATE: AITA? My wife says I'm asking her to "mask".**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ga86t/update_aita_my_wife_says_im_asking_her_to_mask/) - Wednesday, October 25th, 2023 okay so it turns out that I was a little bit of an AH. Like nothing wild but we had a good talk. Here is what she said to me: being a teacher is hard. Being a teacher with untreated ADHD is even harder. She said she spends all day trying to contain her brain from doing what it naturally does, which is veer off in random directions that may or may not be relevant to a given conversation. So she does that all day. And she literally looks forward to coming home so she DOESN'T have to do that. Me bringing it up in the context of how we interact at night hurt her feelings because us-interacting-time is her space where she can just let her brain be her brain. Is "masking" the right term there? idk, she apologized for using it because she saw it on social media and thought it fit but it might not. she felt bad for dominating the conversation, though, because she's not a monster. And she says she lashed out because she felt bad, but also didn't want to lose access to the time of the day in which she is not fighting with her own brain. We decided to use advice I received here in amitheasshole: I will go first when we talk at the end of the night. If I regularly go "over time" then we will start using a phone timer to make sure everyone has time to talk. And she will try to work more interaction into her stories so my role isn't just saying mmhmm yeah mmhmm over and over. Thank you for the advice, we are using it and we are confident that it will work.

AITA? My wife says I'm asking her to "mask".

CONCLUDED

Gwyrstotzka

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ma5ue/aita_my_wife_says_im_asking_her_to_mask/

17mh4jb

Hi everyone, I am OP. someone reposted my first post and update here and now that more has happened figured I'd post the update here too with the first two posts. first time posting here so please forgive any formatting errors! [first BORU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/24KloTh8m1) **CONTEXT INFO** I am a lead Veterinary Technician at a large animal hospital within an animal shelter and have 10 years experience in the field Brachycephalic means shortened skull. Brachycephalic dog breeds include pugs, french bulldogs, english bulldogs and other breeds with flat faces [article about pug health problems, which apply to other short faced breeds](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/pet-insurance/pet-care/pug-common-health-issues/) IVDD is intervertebral disc disease Otitis is an ear infection Dermatitis is a skin disease causing itching, hair loss, and pain Trigger warnings: >!childhood trauma, toxic family, abuse, animal neglect, animal death, animal bite!< Mood Spoiler: >!ready to move on!< Original [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/i9FxzLINn5): April 26th 2023 by myself in r/AmItheAsshole **AITA for telling my boyfriend he is financially cut off from me and I will provide zero help if he buys a pug puppy?** . So this situation involves me (28F) and BF (27M) we have been together for about two years and some change. we live together and split all the main bills but the rest of our paychecks we keep separate and spend how we wish. typically this works fine. but despite him earning the same, sometimes more, than me he is not great at budgeting (he gets takeout almost every day, buys coffee out every single day, sends his god awful abusive mom money whenever she asks, etc) and I've had to help him out with money multiple times but the real issue started when he brought up wanting to buy a pug puppy. now, I work in veterinary medicine (lead VT at my clinic) and frequently see first-hand the suffering these dogs go through due to bad breeding and even just their breed standard anatomy. plus they are prone to so many chronic expensive health issues. and Ive found over the years that no matter what the other person says, if you work in my field and they get a pet, a lot of the harder care aspects (like medical) will fall on you. and honestly, I find buying a pug at all to be unethical and something I am not okay with. I certainly wouldnt be willing to bring them into my clinic and shoulder the responsibility, which I know would happen. I love my BF, but this is a guy who thought neutering a dog involved removing their penis and even says he knows "nothing about animals until I met you". who is going to have to manage the situation when this dog has chronic allergic dermatitis/otitis or IVDD or one of the other million issues they typically end up having? Me. I already know it. I explained all this to him and he got quite upset with me for "completely shutting down what he wants". I told him a small-med dog isnt out of the question, just NOT a pug or other brachycephalic dog and not a puppy. They are far too much of a time and effort commitment than either of us can provide and wouldnt be good for anyone. I dont like to admit that I pulled the "this is literally my career field and I know what Im talking about" when he kept repeating "well you dont KNOW that". because yeah, I kinda do. I am also not proud of this, but I told him if he did get the pug puppy I would never help him out again with money and I would give him zero help with the puppy, including bringing them into my clinic as an employee-affiliated pet for at-cost care (cheaper but by no means free) or medications. he was pretty shocked when I said this and left our apartment to go cool-off. I guess he told our mutual friend because they told me via text I was being a bitch about the whole thing and "must hate animals". all my coworkers agree with me, but I know they are obviously biased AITA? edit to add: this mutual friend was his best friend before we started dating and they became my friend also. or at least I thought they were. while what they said is shitty and not okay I have a hard time believing my bf actually called me that to him. even when we argue (not often, but happens) he has never used any language like that or anything even remotely disrespectful. I would not tolerate that. he is immature at times, but never like that another edit to address some common things in the comments: my clinic is actually PART of a shelter. I talked at length with him about how we could foster one of the dogs from work who was compatible with us and our lifestyle (size, energy, age, cat friendly, etc) before adopting and he was not happy with this. he also was not interested in mixes with pug who didnt have the extremely short face due to "not looking like a pug anymore". that's when I got a little more forceful with my ultimatum if we got a dog TOGETHER then I would be happy to take on the lion's share of things like medical care because this is a pet we got together and just makes sense. I got my cat before dating him, so MY cat, and have never asked him to shoulder any aspect of her care other than feeding her if I was going to be home late from work or something similar we have never had an issue like this before so that's one reason Im a bit.. lost on if I was really in the wrong or not. I appreciate all the comments a lot. I'll be in the comments but I think this address the most common inquiries . *Info from comments:* >What if he rescued a pug or other brachycephalic breed? Or opted for a pug mix? Me: this was brought up and while it does alleviate the ethical issue of purchasing one, a pug being bought from a breeder vs adopted at a rescue does not change what health issues they will have. and he didn't really seem interested in dogs who were mixed enough to not be extremely brachycephalic, he only wants that purebred pug look >why are you so against adopting a pug, they dont deserve to sit in shelters either Me: pugs in shelters or rescues dont "sit waiting to be adopted". most pug rescues have waitlists a mile long. whenever pugs (even mixed) are up for adoption at the shelter my clinic is part of the phones ring off the hook asking about them. and it still does not change that I would end up responsible for their medical care, a big part of why I am not okay with it *Context Comment:* I grew up with rescue dogs, one of which I was the main person working with his behavioral rehabilitation (had extreme resource aggression at 8 weeks old) and previously worked at a shelter for 6 years which specialized in behavior case dogs and determining their ability to be rehabilitated and released into the community and been a vet tech at my current clinic/shelter for about 5 years. I KNOW I am more experienced with dog care than him. and that doesnt make me better or smarter or anything like that. but when it comes to animal care? I feel like my opinion should be taken seriously because that is literally my career field. he works in a utility company. If we ever needed to figure out an issue in that area, I would listen to him. but animals, especially dogs? that's MY area of expertise. that just seems like the most logical way to do it . *Judgment: Not the A-hole* . [UPDATE posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/G48oVFaXED) April 28 2023 by myself in r/AmItheAsshole **UPDATE: AITA for telling my boyfriend he is financially cut off from me and I will provide zero help if he buys a pug puppy?** . So I didnt dump him after we had a looong talk. could we still breakup? yes. but we arent there yet and him admitting he fucked up is a big part of that. and no, a pug puppy is not happening turns out the dog he had as a child (D) was a pug, and was devastated when D died. he never really liked talking about D, and I never pried He cried a lot once he started talking about D, thought D was always very healthy, so when I was going on about the health issues with pugs he assumed that it was overblown and I was just being overly cautious, since D was healthy and he wanted a dog that looked like him, brought on after mom had found his old collar I got a gut feeling, so I kept trying to as kindly as possible ask questions about D. how often they took him to the vet, if he had any photos, etc. turns out he couldnt remember a single time this dog went to a vet (if a vet never diagnoses an issue it doesnt exist, right?) and once he found some old photos I pointed out the dog CLEARLY had ocular issues (likely untreated KCS with ulceration) and eventually went blind, sat in a way that indicated hip issues, even remembered a time that the dog COLLAPSED after playing in the yard but he got up again a while later so his mom said he was fine. once I spelled all this out to him he looked like someone had slapped him across the face and just said he was so sorry, he was just like all those awful owners I tell him about, etc he was a kid! he shouldnt have been expected to manage that dog's veterinary care. but now that hes an adult he needs to look at the situation logically and I was extremely hurt he gave zero shits about my professional opinion. I get that enough from owners at work, dont need it from my BF. He apologized and said he doesnt think he is ready for a dog after all and when the time comes, hes happy with looking at dogs from the shelter I work at so, the issue with his friend. I did something I had NEVER done before, asked to see his phone, their messages. friend got a very one sided version of events (thinking I unfairly vetoed him) but never used any derogatory language. showed him what this friend sent me and he was pretty taken aback, told me he would deal with it. if he doesnt this relationship cannot continue and money... that was hard. tried to be gentle but it feeds into a deeper issue with his mom (not a new issue), and I told him enough is enough and I cant keep supplementing his income because he gives so much to her. Something happens and suddenly has a big medical bill? car randomly breaks down? she is going to come straight to him. obviously I would help HIM if he needed it. but money for psycho mom? no. done. me or her. going no or low-contact with her, and absolutely no money, even if she does her manipulative bs. we'll see if he holds to that. if he doesnt, he knows Im done . [UPDATE posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/s/o3VrMwmdgF) Oct 6th 2023 by myself of r/AmItheButtface **AITB for not paying medical expenses after my cat bit BF's friend?** . title sounds horrible but please read until the end I (28F) and BF (27M) lived together, I also have my cat (12F) who I rescued as a 2 week old kitten from a hoarder house full of ferals. She is my ESA and the center of my universe. I love her so much. Im a lead vet tech at my clinic and like to joke she was my first patient she is a bit of a spicy cat, she has a low tolerance for handling from people she doesnt know and prefers to bite vs scratch. lovely. BUT, she DOES give warnings before doing so I tell all guests to just not touch or try to pet her and I keep her in the bedroom, which is her 'safe place' BF had a friend over, Z (25M). Im not a fan of Z. He's the type that asks for free vetmed advice then resents my answer if it's not what he wants to hear (got very offended when I confirmed what his vet said about his dog being obese). he's also is a bit creepy. He has said things that make me a bit uncomfortable, like commenting on how I had "perfect boobs for cosplaying x character" and things like that. but BF just said he "doesnt realize how what he says sounds". I try to avoid him when he comes over. I gave the usual "dont touch the cat, just ignore her". he agreed but in a way that made it obvious he thought I was being overbearing or controlling. I busied myself with some case reports I had to write in the living room Z and BF went into our bedroom to show Z a new figurine. said my cat was in there and please just dont mess with her. Z rolled his eyes but agreed. minutes later I heard him go "awe, are you a grumpy kitty?" and I knew what he was doing so I went to the bedroom I could see my cat was sitting on her favorite spot in the bed, leaning away from his hand, pupils dilated, ears pinned back flat, tail lashing. as I called out to fucking stop he reached for her again and she bit the crap out of him. grabbed and chewed. he freaked and she ran away to the closet I rushed to make sure my cat was okay and BF drove him to a clinic. got it all cleaned/bandaged, tetanus shot, and antibiotics BF and friend were mad I didnt offer to pay the bill. IMO I tried keeping her confined and repeatedly said to not touch her, and he couldnt listen! she only bites if you mess with her and it was 100% preventable. Im angry at my BF too for letting him do that. he said Z "couldnt have known" and just because I work with animals doesnt mean everyone else. but I feel like you dont need to work in vetmed to follow explicit instructions or know when a cat is pissed off due to this and a recent pug/mom conflict with him dismissing my concerns and so soon he did the exact thing again finally told him he has to leave my apartment and I was done with him. lots of crying and melodramatics and guilt trips, which isnt new, but I didnt cave and he left to stay with Z. both have been texting me saying I have to cover the med bills. I refuse because it was entirely their fault. then ex threatened to call animal control, which I am really not worried about. I can elaborate if needed (basically this is because I work with animal control regularly and know they wouldnt do anything) *Judgement - NTBF*

Boyfriend who demanded a pug puppy now wants me to pay friend's medical bill after he harassed my cat and got bitten

NEW UPDATE

megathrowswayphia

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17mh4jb/boyfriend_who_demanded_a_pug_puppy_now_wants_me/

17mmgcf

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Chaos-Known0909 **Originally posted to** r/amiwrong **Am I wrong for helping my dads former mistress and her daughter?** Trigger Warnings: >!Infidelity, child abandonment, emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, familial betrayal, predatory behavior, slut shaming!< &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/17g99gj/am_i_wrong_for_helping_my_dads_former_mistress/?share_id=CIZdRV7j4mBKMEOjGuuR0&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 25, 2023** I(25F) was an only child until all this went down. My mom(45F) and dad(65M) have been married for 26 years. So yeah when they got together my mom was 19 and my dad was almost 40. My whole life I thought their age gap was weird, however my parents for the most part appeared to be happy an in love. They adore me, so I guess I never really saw the problem until I put all the pieces together. My mom and dad are both professors, but at different colleges. My dad has always been that professor to go the extra mile and help students. I noticed in my late teen years he’d tutor students at our house. A couple of times he did it when my mom wasn’t home and the students were usually female. When this would happen I’d tell my mom and she would always shut me down. She wasn’t defensive, more dismissive. I moved out when I was 18 so I didn’t see anything else. My dad retired pretty abruptly at the start of last year. He never gave any hint that he’d do this, he loves his job. I have now found out my dad got a 20 year old student pregnant. We will call her Bea. Bea(22F) threatened to report him if he didn’t help out with the child and he retired and ghosted her. Bea got in contact with me and explained everything. That my dad manipulated her, said my mom was evil and that he’d leave my mom for her. She admits to being stupid and in love. They had a relationship for about a month then he started ignoring her. She sent me a photo of my half sister and she looked exactly like me, she’s almost 2. Bea asked me to meet her and her daughter, and I said I’d think about it. I decided to let my know mom before hand and to my disgust she already knew. Bea has been contacting my mother this whole time and my mother ignored her. Bea and her daughter live in their car and all she wanted was a little support so they weren’t homeless. I was disgusted with my mother and father. My dad ended up coming in to the room in the middle of the conversation and told me Bea was just a slut and the kid wasn’t his. He also admitted to cheating and said my mom had forgiven him. My mom laughed and said Bea was beneath them and if she wants help she can get on assistance. I was so angry I yelled at them. My dad asked how he could make it better and I said get a DNA test. It’s been a few weeks and my dad is the father. I have met my little sister and Bea and I love them both so much already. Bea and her daughter have moved in with me and I’m helping Bea get a lawyer so she can go after my dad for child support. I’ve also found out my dad has had affairs with dozens of women ages 18-20. My dads a creep and I can’t even look at him. My mom found out about Bea and my sister living with me and she won’t stop calling and texting me. She keeps calling me a traitor and saying if I don’t make this right she’ll disown me. I love my mom, I do, but I told her she has no right judging me when she knew all of this and did nothing to help and didn’t hold my dad accountable. My dad sent me a text saying my mom won’t leave the house and she has been crying because she just wants me to let this go. I ignored him. I don’t know why I’m choosing this hill to die on but it just feels like the right thing to do. However, I’m having second thoughts everyone is so upset and even Bea says I don’t have to do this because she can see how stressed I am. So I guess I just need to know for sure. Am I wrong? **Relevant Comments** ***Ok-Abbreviations4510:** I mean, Bea was young and taken advantage of but she’s not totally innocent. She was an adult and well aware that your dad was married. She made a choice to be with him. What your mother chooses to forgive within her own marriage is her own business. The only way she would be culpable is if she knew he was involved with underage girls. You can wish she demanded better for herself, but ultimately she has to be the one to make that decision.* >**OP:** But it’s not just HER marriage it’s OUR family and they both screwed that up. And you’re right she has to make a decision and she has chosen to stand by a predator and demand more of me than she does of him. I will never respect her for that. ***Rhuthbarb:** The only thing worse than your creepy father is your mother. I guess she's still trying to tell herself that she was special. You may have more siblings out there.* >**OP:** Nah my dads worse. My mom was groomed. Doesn’t excuse her actions but she can’t see the light right now. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/17hrzb9/update_am_i_wrong_for_helping_my_dads_former/?share_id=FKpYChnejs0mqbimdnfsy&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 27, 2023** Firstly, I want to thank you all for your sweet and encouraging comments. It hasn’t been long but there is a small update. I’ve agreed to meet with my mom. We spoke a bit and she told me she loves me. She apologized to me and said she will answer anything I have to ask. She said there’s no excuse for her actions but that she couldn’t tell me everything right now and we set a date to meet. The way she was acting on the phone was concerning, I do believe my dad might’ve been trying to listen in the background. She also wants to apologize to Bea and her daughter. I’m leaving that up to Bea. I told her I want complete honesty and if I feel like she’s being disingenuous I’m going NC. That meeting will happen this weekend and I will update you guys as soon as I can. I have no interest in being in contact with my dad. I also just wanted to clear some things up because it keeps being brought up in the comments. 1. My mother was never a student of my dads. She lived in a different state when they met, and she never attended the place he taught at. 2. Anytime I saw a woman in our house my mother was not there. She was either at work or traveling for work. 3. My mother got pregnant with me AFTER she was already married to my dad. He did not marry her because she was pregnant but I do believe he has always been this way and she chose to stay with him because of me. My mothers side of the family is pretty conservative so I imagine a divorce would not have went over well. I am going to ask her about that directly to be sure. 4. My dad has never been married before my mother. The good news is Bea starts her new job on Monday and she’s super excited. I have been spending a lot of time with her and my sister and I feel honored to be apart of their lives. Bea said she’s going to move out of my place as soon as she can, not because of anything bad but she feels I need my space back. I told her she’s welcome anytime and we are actually scouting places within walking distance of my place so I can help with my sister. Once again, thank you guys so much for the support. This whole situation has been so stressful and overwhelming. Reading all the encouraging comments have really helped. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

Am I wrong for helping my dads former mistress and her daughter?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17mmgcf/am_i_wrong_for_helping_my_dads_former_mistress/

17mmh3k

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwra474637452 **I overheard my(28M) GF(26F) say that her ex was the best she ever had** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!verbal abuse, infodelity, Emotional Manipulation, humiliation, betrayal of confidences!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/uG9WaAQt5n) **Aug 7, 2020** I heard my girlfriend of 3 years talking about how much better her ex was too her friends. She went a Group FaceTime with all of her girlfriends and got drunk out of her mind. She was sitting with her laptop about 5 feet away from our bed at her desk. She thought I was asleep, even if I was she said this with me literally 5 feet away from me. We had slept together and I thought I made her orgasm. After she was done I went to sleep I woke up 3 hours later, and to her laughing. She sounded very drunk. I wasn’t I tried to not just go back to sleep. Before I could I overheard her and her girlfriends talking about sex. She said sex was okay and sometimes she just faked it and let me get mine. I was hurt. Then they started talking about their best sexual experiences. She said her ex, gave her the most intense orgasms she ever experienced, she said she would orgasm so hard she would lose total control of her legs. His dick was apparently big enough to the point where she felt completely filled, and hit her deep spots. Apparently 3 inches longer than mine. She said she missed being able to cum like that and, “He fucked her better than any man has”. At that point I was near tears. I sat there for another trying not to cry so she wouldn’t hear me. She eventually hung up, when she got back in bed she noticed if I was awake, and asked me if I was up. I told her that I just felt the bed move and that woke me up. She then said she loved me and she would see me in the morning. This was about 2 and I stayed awake that night. I haven’t been able to sleep or eat or anything for the last 3 days. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying be better in bed for her since we first got together and 3 years of practice still can’t beat raw talent. I’ve never felt like less of a man. At this point I feel selfish for even staying with her when she is obviously so dissatisfied with me. Her ex cheated on her and he dumped her when she found out. She would’ve stayed with him. I feel like I’m nothing compared to his memory. We haven’t had sex in the last 3 days because I can barely even stomach the thought of trying to pleasure her. I don’t know what I can do at this point, I love her so much and I’ve been thinking about proposing to her, but I don’t know if I can anymore. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/HiFnycjqVW) **Aug 14, 2020** After the 8th day of me never initiating sex with her and rejecting her with no explanation every time she initiated, she, near tears, asked me what was wrong and why I didn’t want her anymore. I wasn’t fully ready to talk about this yet, so I just told her I haven’t been in the mood. She didn’t believe me and asked what she was doing wrong, I told her I needed some time to myself and she demanded to know why. Finally I caved and showed her the post. I left our bedroom and left her alone to read it. 20 minutes later she came out of the bedroom crying and tried to hold onto me. I pushed her off of me and she started crying harder. I let her calm down to the point where she could speak coherently. She told me that she didn’t think I was awake when saying all of those things, and they were all exaggerated. Firstly she said that she enjoyed being with me, and that when she said she didn’t have to fake it very much. She also said that she sometimes had to fake it with her ex sometimes too. Next she clarified that his size wasn’t as large as she claimed, she said that the ex was only an inch and a half above my size and that there is no possible way that she’d be able to have sex with someone as large as she claimed, and she was willing to prove it. I told her I didn’t believe her because I have no reason to believe she’ll be truthful about any of that stuff anymore. She went silent. I then told her that I couldn’t believe that she tell her friends about how much worse I am than her ex. She still was silent crying. I told her how much it hurt to know that she wasn’t even willing to try to help me be better for her. I told her how I felt so unloved now and disrespected, and how I’m unsure if I want to propose to her anymore. She apologized for everything again. She said that her being drunk is no excuse what she did and won’t heal the pain she caused me and she understands that I can’t unhear what I heard, but I just had to trust her on this. I’d told her I’d listen to her at least. She again said she didn’t fake it much with me and her ex’s dick wasn’t that much bigger than mine, and that she only lied about that to one up her girlfriends. She said she was too afraid to hurt my feelings so she never wanted to critique our sex. I asked why she cared more about the quality of sex with her ex and she said she never really critiqued him either. She said that he didn’t know what he was doing and just pressed her buttons correctly enough for her to have intense orgasms. She said that she really didn’t even guide him so had no idea what he did, and she hasn’t even been able to replicate what she felt from masturbation. She said that if I was willing to experiment with her, she thought we could figure it out. My last question for her was if she missed her ex. She said that sex with him was better, but more enjoyable with me because she felt more emotionally connected to me than him. I asked why she wanted to take him back, and she said that she was young and dumb and gave herself to people that didn’t deserve her because she was afraid to be alone. She said that she found a great looking guy that cherished her and gave a damn about her emotions in me. As of right now I’m still hurt greatly, talking to her helped a lot, but it’ll still take me time to be able to trust her like I did. I told her that I as going to need time, but at the end of the day I still loved her, and wanted to try to work through this. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/2ntltbl0PA) **Aug 29, 2020** Over the last 2 weeks I’ve been doing some serious thinking. Nothing in my relationship is worse, in fact it feels better. She’s been communicating her needs more, the few times she thinks she isn’t going to finish she’ll tell me. She tells me all the ways she thinks I’m the best partner she had, I feel like she loves me more than anything. But still I feel like I just don’t feel the same way about her. Everything feels great and nice but hollow. Usually other women don’t catch my eye, but now they do, I see beautiful women and want to go up and flirt with them even though I know my girlfriend would be hurt by me feeling this way. It’s gotten to the point where, and I know I shouldn’t do this, but I started using dating apps. I’ve been pretty successful and have had great conversations with great women. I even met up with one of her twice and had some great times. We hooked up once and I had a better time than I’ve had with my gf in the last 2 weeks. I felt guilty about this and decided to confess 3 nights ago, she was upset to the point of tears she asked me if I slept with her, and I said no. She asked me if I had feelings for her, I said it was like a just a hookup. I lied to her, I really cared about the other woman and wanted to see her again, even if we didn’t have sex. She said she could forgive me but thought we needed to go to relationship counseling, I agreed. I kept thinking that there was no point and that we shouldn’t go, but I was willing to try to repair our relationship. 2 nights ago I made the decision that I didn’t want to continue our relationship. She took it extremely hard. She was an inconsolable mess, she yelled screamed, cried. She said that all guys are the same and that she gave me 5 years of her life. She said it was “That fucking whore that seduced me’s” fault and she wanted to go after her, but I assured her that it wasn’t her fault. I’m going to be looking for my own place soon, so I’ll be without her in a few weeks. Honestly I feel amazing, and like I’m about to start out a new chapter in my life. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I overheard my(28M) GF(26F) say that her ex was the best she ever had

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17mmh3k/i_overheard_my28m_gf26f_say_that_her_ex_was_the/

17mmh6b

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/ThrowRA-ornerychamp **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **I (26F) am pregnant after a fertility struggle/being told I may never get pregnant. My husband (42M) just admitted to having an affair & getting someone else pregnant. Not sure what to do.** Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity, fertility issues, abortion, betrayal!< &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/175uhav/i_26f_am_pregnant_after_a_fertility_strugglebeing/?share_id=9tkLQe7a12TlrieKKcAa2&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 11, 2023** My husband & I got married 3 years ago. When I was a teenager I was told that due to medical complications I may never be able to have children but after two years of trying and fertility treatments I’m now halfway through my pregnancy with our miracle baby. Unfortunately because of some complications I had to cut back on my hours at work (it’s very physical). My husband offered to pick up more hours to compensate, so he has been working a lot more in the past 2 months and coming home later. I couldn’t see that anything was amiss. Things were the same as they’ve always been. He always brings home flowers, food, things for the baby, coffee, he’s always sending me thoughtful and loving texts through the day. The gaps where he was unreachable were explainable. But this morning he sat me down and gave me news that rocked me. He told me he’s been having an affair for the past six weeks and that his affair partner just found out that she’s pregnant. He says that if she decides to keep the baby she’s going to raise it by herself and that they mutually agreed to end the relationship already. He wants to make things right. I don’t know how things can ever be right again. He just wants to move on from what he is calling his “transgression”. How do I ever forgive him? How do you deal with the unthinkable? How do I learn to live with the idea that my child’s sibling might be out there somewhere someday? Most importantly, how do I learn to move on like he wants me to? Edit: I have an OB appointment for unrelated medical reasons tomorrow at which I will make sure to request extensive testing. I have plans to meet with a lawyer on Monday. I’m talking to my sister to see if I can stay with her; my relationships with much of my family are fractious but I have a pretty positive relationship with her. I will not be seeking “other options” other than having my baby due to being pretty far along and having been told in the past I would not conceive. Regardless of what my husband has done I love my child. Edit2: I saw my OB on Friday and will hopefully have some test results (fingers crossed for all negative!) within the next few days. I will meet the lawyer tomorrow and go from there. My sister advised me to stay in the house that my husband and I co own until I talk to a lawyer. This has been such an emotionally harrowing time for me. He’s acting like everything is normal. All i want to do is sleep. I keep telling myself it’ll be over soon. **Relevant Comments** ***lilpandatoys:** I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t be okay having a baby with a man who just abandoned one.* >**OP:** I keep coming back to this. It sounds like she’s on the fence about the pregnancy (which is ultimately 100% her choice!), but the ease with which he’s willing to take the stance of just forgetting the whole thing happened is hard for me. > >I’m more than halfway through my pregnancy—23 weeks—so I’m in a different position. ***LovinInfo:** Was thinking the exact thing! I’m not getting that he has any fear of losing you! Why?? Either he thinks you’re easy to control? Or not that bright? Or desperate to stay his wife? Which is it? Why isn’t he begging you to stay with him? Why does he feel you’ll just go along with forgetting that he’s cheated on you?* >**OP:** I think he knows that my initial reaction was going to be that yes, we could fix this or that I would agree to make things right. I think that he knows that I have so much invested (emotionally) in this relationship. He is my first real love, my first well everything really, and that I’m more likely to fight for what we have than to give it up. > >Even i’m surprised at how conflicted I feel. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17hwidm/update_my_26f_husband_42m_got_another_woman/) - **October 27, 2023** Where to begin? First off, the OW decided to terminate her pregnancy, which was confirmed to me by her. Talking to her was really weird and didn’t answer a lot questions that I had for her. This is a person who knows me and has met me a number of times and I just don’t get it. The motivations on both sides don’t make any sense to me, and I don’t know if they ever will. It helped to learn there was no romantic feelings but it was still confusing; especially since i perceive my husband and I to have a healthy sex life (as often as 4-6 times per week) and I don’t really get what’s fun or exciting about leaving the boundaries of your marriage. We are in therapy, separately and together. Going separately is helping me to sort out a lot of my own feelings, but I think that going together is essential one way or another as well. He has been cooperative and participatory in therapy. I’m hopeful that we can figure at least some things out. We’ve had a lot of conversations about why it won’t be easy for me to just forgive this and why I need answers and changes in behavior and I do feel like I’ve been heard. Divorce is not completely off the table, but it’s a hard situation to be in, especially in a vulnerable state like being pregnant. I’ve consulted with a lawyer and made my parameters clear to him, but for right now i want to try to work things out. I know this isn’t the update that a lot of people probably hoped for, but for me I think this is the right choice. Thank you all for your words of encouragement, advice, and perspective. I definitely took a lot of things to heart and will remember them for a long time! It’s very appreciated. Edit: I want to make it clear since people seem confused—divorce is not off the table. What is off the table right now is trying to make a decision that will affect my life greatly when I’m already in an extremely vulnerable physical/mental position without making an attempt at healing both on my own and with him. Even if we end up divorced in the end, allowing myself time means that things have a higher chance of being amiable and easier for all of us—especially our child. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

I (26F) am pregnant after a fertility struggle/being told I may never get pregnant. My husband (42M) just admitted to having an affair & getting someone else pregnant. Not sure what to do.

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17mmh6b/i_26f_am_pregnant_after_a_fertility_strugglebeing/

17mmhyt

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/MilaniaRusso **Husband of 7 yrs admitted one-night stand while away for Thanksgiving** **Originally posted to** r/infidelity **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, harassment, stalking,rape, emotional abuse and manipulation, threats of suicide!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/s/s1z5NmsQmU) **Dec 19, 2022** My husband (39) and I (35) have been married for 5 yrs and dated two years prior. We have never had trust issues or infidelity. We have had a great marriage, the kind of relationship, we were really great friends. We have so much in common, we can sit and talk for hours, I was his best friend, and we even hung out during guys' night, watching football, with his friends. We had a great relationship. The cheating happened when he went home to New York for Thanksgiving, three days early. I arrived the day before Thanksgiving. This woman, was visiting with his younger sister, they are in Grad School together and they are really close friends, this woman couldn't make it home to California, so my in-Laws hosted her too. Turns out they all went out for drinks, my sister-in-law left my husband and this woman alone at a friend's gathering, they're all drinking, having a good time. My husband told me they were alone talking all night. Then when they returned home to his parents, they drank more, They were up until 2 am and they ended up having sex. My husband didn't make excuses saying it was the beer. He said he was definitely wrong. He admitted he was flattered that she was flirting with him. He admitted she was extremely attractive. He even left her alone to go to bed when he felt himself feeling attracted to her. She came to him, and they were in his bedroom. They drank and talked more on the balcony and they ended up kissing and well. They had sex. He told her he was going to tell me, he told his sister the next morning and his sister told her she needed to leave. So when I arrived, my husband was acting really off. He was feeling guilty as hell. Trying to hold his shit together and not ruin his family's Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving night, I asked him what the hell was going on with him. He was all over me sexually, he wanted lots of sex, and he was very aggressive during sex. I told him I needed a break, he wouldn't stop. He finished inside me. Which he doesn't do, I don't want to get pregnant. I thought, "This was so out of character for my husband!??" I asked him.; "What the hell is going on with him?" He started crying, he started apologizing. I thought it had to d with money. NEVER in a million years did I think, he cheated on me. He confessed everything. I listened to my husband, I let him speak. I was upset, I felt sick and I cried. But I didn't get angry. I wasn't disrespectful in my in-laws' home. I had my sister-in-law drive me into the city and I stayed at my friends' apt. while they were away. My sister-in-law told me about this woman, she apologized profusely,. I saw a photo of the woman. She is 27, she is absolutely beautiful. Not saying it makes anything OK, but, wow. She is the kind of woman men would absolutely fight over. I told my husband he needed to leave when he returned home. He moved out that Sunday night. He has been driving me crazy, begging me to forgive him. He has been showing up at my work. He shows up at the house, I cannot make him leave, because he owns the home too. I told him I think I may consider a divorce, I can't forgive this. I always felt I could work it out if our marriage went through something like this. But I can't. My parents divorced over infidelity. My Dad was a serial cheater. My husband has taken steps to fix himself. He is getting help, he is just going crazy because I have just been numb and in shock and I think it comes off as, I don't care. I do care I do love him. But I cannot be in a mediocre marriage. I don't want our daughter (3)to see her Mom accept being cheated on. I am overwhelmed, I am overthinking everything. I don't want to make the wrong decision. I have been told I should keep our family together, he came clean, and he's a good man. It happens once. I know that is a good point. But, I feel off! Is it shock? or did I lose respect and fall out of love? I don't know. Has anyone else felt this Grey cloud after? Will it pass and should I just wait a while longer, before I make a choice that will turn my life and my daughters' life upside down? Thanks in advance! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **4theloveofmiloangel** >Im curious how his sister is handling this information right now!? Is she still friends/in contact with that person? **OOP replied** >>My sister-in-law has cut all ties with this woman. She has called me and sent a text apologizing and she is taking this hard, she feels she is to blame. I have made it clear that she is not to blame. >>She is in shock, she cannot believe her friends' behaviour. She thought she was a good person, but now she is questioning everything about this woman. * **Glittering-Rock** >So after he cheated on you, he raped you. AND finished inside if you, knowing you don’t want to get pregnant. He wanted you to get pregnant again bc it would be harder to leave then. I’m so sorry but this is not a man to stay with **OOP replied** >>I just had this argument. I said the word 'Rape' describing what I felt, my husband, did to me. My friend said she feels I should report it. Her husband said. "Good luck proving it." He said I would be laughed out of the room, Police Station. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/s/i0680032oX) **Dec 28, 2022** Thank You all for the words of encouragement. I have been sitting with this, I have gotten tested for STD and I am all good. I have been trapped in NY with my soon to be EX husband. We agreed to spend Christmas with our daughter and we ended up getting stuck here due to the storm. I told my husband I wanted a divorce, which made him lose his shit. He was stalking me, and he was acting out of character. I asked him to please just leave me alone, he was scaring me. He was upsetting our daughter, who sensed there was a problem, she is used to a fun and cozy home. Now there's tension. She cried when she told me to give Daddy a kiss and hug and I refused. It is breaking my heart. I know it is hurting him. He has been a mess. I don't feel sorry for him. I feel for our daughter, she is sad to see her Dad sad and he keeps telling her "I'm sorry." But he can't tell her WHY. Why he has to leave at night, why we don't eat as a family? It's been insane, to say the least. I thought it would be good for her if we were a family for Christmas. Well, it's been 3 days, and no flights or driving until at least the 30th I don't have $2000 a day for hertz to rent a car. So We have an extended stay and I "stay" in the bedroom with my daughter and he stays on the rollout sofa. I have been dealing with him, asking me WHY we can't get help for our marriage, I have gotten tears. I overheard him crying to his Dad and Mom at 2 am saying he wants to kill himself for his mistake. I received a call from them the next morning asking if I could ever forgive him. If I couldn't they said they understand! I admit the thoughts of self-harm are concerning. I don't think he is doing it just to get me back. He is definitely spiraling. I was gentle with him last night. I agreed to talk. Not for reconciliation. I just let him express his feelings, and get shit off his chest. Which led to me waking up at 4 am this morning with him laying next to me in bed, him wide awake. staring at me. He said he needed to figure out what he needs to do for me not to leave him. He refuses to live without me. Maybe we have Cabin fever? I am starting to feel uneasy, people are insane. I am not trying to die because he can't live without me, he already feels depressed, and I think losing his daughter will really take him over the top. Is this normal for the cheater to go down this path when the reality of what their cheating has caused them to lose? My husband is a smart man, he is usually controlled. Not someone who is mentally unbalanced. I think the loss of his family may have really pushed him over the edge. Before all this, we were a happy family. Why he was so weak I don't know, if it is just him being uninterested in me, then I can just step away and make sure he has more time with his daughter (they are extremely close) hurting her has really destroyed him. His life was being a great Dad for her. I thought he loved me. I don't know about that now. But I assume losing his family has mentally affected him. I have sent a text to my best friend of 20 yrs. keeping her updated. She says this is normal, but I also feel she may be a bit biased because her husband is my husband's best friend and we have all been friends for a while, our kids are close and it's a breakup for them as well. I guess I'm looking for signs of someone losing it and doing something extreme! I have just been kind and respectful until I am able to leave. He has been love-bombing me and expecting a response. He sent the song "I'll be Over You." By Toto and said I'm dying here. Please don't leave me. Maybe I am losing my shit!! I am in such a difficult situation right now. any advice? Is this normal behavior from the cheater? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **aspralav** >What does his family/SIL say/feel about this situation? Is SIL going to stay friends with this disgusting woman? Look at your husbands phone and see if her number is there? What were her plans? Just a one night stand? She had to know she was destroying a family!! I would want to know if they’ve talked since and if not do their stories line up? I’m so sorry you are going through this and I read your original post and it affected me for days and now just can’t believe you and daughter have to endure this. I just have so many questions as I’m sure you do too. I wish you and your daughter much healing ❤️‍🩹 **OOP replied** >>His family is PISSED. They are repulsed by him. They were hard on him, but he has softened their hearts because he is saying he doesn't want to go on. His sister has cut ties with her friend. This woman has tried to get my number from my SIL she is claiming she was drunk, she is so sorry. Now. She was drunk and apparently she is a promiscuous woman when she drinks. My SIL says she is the friend that you end up babysitting at the bar because she doesn't know when to stop drinking, and becomes ridiculous. >>I have not looked at his phone. Not making excuses, but I doubt he has had contact with her. At this point, I am so DONE they can have each other if she is on his phone, and if they are talking, then maybe she can find him a place to stay. He has left the family home and I will not lose my home in the divorce, my daughter has been hurt enough, and she's not leaving her friends and school. >>I do have a million questions, but I have not gotten to a place of grilling him. I just feel better staying away from him. **OOP UPDATES IN THE COMMENTS** **UPDATE 1 - DEC 30, 2022** Thank You all for all of the support. I am now home, my daughter is with my parents for a few days. I thought this would be better, until my husband and I sort everything out. I am happy I made this choice because shit hit the fan. My husband is NOT OK. He comes into the bedroom to pack clothes, he needed more suits for work. He says to me point blank, he cannot live without me. He said he was so sorry, he would move heaven and earth to repair our marriage. He said he refuses to let me go. He will not lose me without a fight. He summed it up by saying, you know I don't lose. I'm sorry I fucked a whore and broke your heart and tore our family apart. But I can't imagine life without you. If I see you with another man, I don't know what I would do. I fantasize about it. It's driving me crazy. Those are his words. He has really changed. His eyes are Dark, but they seem empty. He knows this isn't going to end well for him. I never knew my husband to be a violent man, he did have a temper in college. But I don't think he would intentionally go as far as hurting me. I mentioned this to someone, and they said, he may accidentally hurt you. In a fit of rage. My husband works a LOT he is an M & A Lawyer, so he has a lot of work to catch up on. I know this will keep him occupied. I am praying that will keep him away. I plan on filing for divorce this week, I do not want him to know. He left the house, he said he will give me space. He apologized for hurting me, then he had the audacity to let him "make love to me." His words. I said "I don't have love, anymore.: He lost it. He says So you don't love me anymore? He began pacing the floor, he starts crying, saying. I made a fucking mistake. I need you to forgive me. I need you t talk to me. I asked him to please, leave me alone. I told him I was not feeling well. I needed food. I made the excuse of needing to go buy groceries, so I made my escape by leaving for the grocery store. As I went to my car, he was right behind me, He blocked me in the garage, and he wouldn't let me go. He had me trapped between him and the car, with his arms around me. He wasn't hurting me, but he is 6'3 and I'm 5'5. I think this could all go left very quickly. I have to be careful with words because he is on the edge. If I say I will call the Cops, I have a feeling he will lose his shit. We are gun owners, and THAT worries me. I pray his demanding job will keep him occupied and maybe he will cool down. All the work will distract his mind. We broke up Back in Nov. He has only gotten worse since seeing him over Christmas. I just hope filing for divorce will not trigger him. Maybe I should wait? **UPDATE 2 - Jan 2, 2023** Thank you for being so concerned for me. I have spoken with the Police and they know what is happening. I have decided to file but to hold off n serving him. He is going to IC and he is currently slammed with work, which is excellent. He has been stopping to see our daughter, tucking her in after her bath. He doesn't even have time for dinner. He is very busy and I think his work is clearing his mind. He loves his job and I am praying he will come to his senses. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Husband of 7 yrs admitted one-night stand while away for Thanksgiving

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17mmhyt/husband_of_7_yrs_admitted_onenight_stand_while/

17mmiiv

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/AnActualMudpup **My MIL Photoshopped my husband's nose on our wedding pictures. How do I tell him?** **Originally posted to r/JUSTNOMIL & r/entitledparents** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, harassment, body shaming!< [Grossing MIL out on purpose](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/vU8LdVc9Vm)  **July 28, 2023** For as long as I've known my husband, MIL has had a weird habit of complaining about everything he owns or does. As our relationship progressed, she began to do the same to me. It usually starts with a compliment ("Oh, that's a nice chair!"), which is immediately followed by her whining to DH ("I never got to buy such nice chairs, I always had to spend my money on you and your brother!"). It got a hundred times worse when we moved in together (he DARED to move 30 minutes away from her), a thousand times worse when we got married back in May (the woman wanted us to book a smaller venue, because her own wedding was *just so tiny*), and a million times worse earlier this month, when we told her I was pregnant. "Oh, it would be nice if you had a natural birth! You know, both of mine had to be c-sections because of all the complications I had." LADY, I'M TWO MONTHS ALONG. She basically tries to guilt-trip her own son and DIL out of having nicer things than her. I never let it bother me, but I've noticed DH has been getting more upset about this lately. A couple weeks ago, I noticed she'd stopped whining about our dog. When I asked DH, he told me MIL had stepped on doggy crap while they were out on a walk. Her favorite heels got dirty. She cleaned them up, but was still clearly disgusted. Apparently, that's all it took for her to stop commenting on how she could never have dogs because FIL hated them. So I had an idea. Throughout this past month, I've been finding new ways to invoke her disgust before she gets the chance to make my husband feel guilty for ever being a child. She likes my dress? "Thanks! My great-grandma died in it!" She likes our couch? "Thanks! The dog puked in it last night!" She likes our new car? "Thanks! Your future grandchild was conceived in the backseat!" She likes my vinyl collection? "Thanks! Wait 'till you see all my Nickelback LPs!" Just kidding. I don't have any Nickelback LPs. Point is, it's working! MIL has complained less this month than she has in the 6 years since I met DH. Is it because she thinks we're gross? Maybe. But I honestly don't care. EDIT: I feel the need to state that I don't hate Nickelback. I just don't love them enough to buy their LPs. [MIL is upset we're not having a girl](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/qNg7oIeeYF)  **Aug 31, 2023** I'm 17 weeks pregnant. From the very beginning, MIL was convinced her first grandbaby was going to be a girl. Literally days after we announced I was expecting, she gave us two packs of pink onesies, started referring to my barely developed blob child as "Laura" (apparently the name she wanted for the daughter she never had) and called my 94-year-old grandmother just to get her to confirm boys aren't common in my paternal family. She's been pestering us about a gender reveal party since the start of my second trimester, and threw a small tantrum when we told her we weren't having one. She's been rude about every decision we made about the baby. She hated all our boy and girl names, criticized our nursery ideas and has been insistent on me having a natural birth (which I probably will anyway, but both her deliveries were c-sections, so I have no idea where that's coming from). It became clear that she wholeheartedly thought I'd only gotten pregnant to make her a grandma. Anyway, neither me or DH cared about our baby's sex, but we spontaneously decided to find out during my latest ultrasound this week. It's a boy! We're over the moon. When we got home, I called my mom. She's excited! I called my dad. He's surprised! I called my sister. She's happy! Everyone's happy! DH called his mom. *Someone put that poor injured dolphin out of its misery, for the love of Christ.* I swear, I could hear her banshee wailing from across the living room. The phone wasn't even on speaker. Toni Colette's character in *Hereditary* had less of a breakdown. DH let her cry and scream incoherently (I'm pretty sure she was saying "My Laura!" between her sobs) for about a minute before he told her to call him back when she's calmer and hung up on her. He was devastated. I think that up until that point he hadn't registered how obsessed his mom was with us having a girl, he just thought she was excited to find out the sex. He was so excited to tell her. I managed to cheer him up, and we told a couple more people. We told his brother, who was very happy for us. Some of our friends didn't even know we were pregnant, so we included the sex in our announcement. The next day, we were going over our boy names to figure out which worked best with our last names. That's when MIL called us back. We were both hoping she'd apologize for her tantrum. Instead, she immediately started going on about dozens of articles she'd read about how often ultrasounds were inaccurate and questioning my doctor's qualifications based on what university she'd gone to. A screaming match started between her and DH. He was telling her off for reacting the way she did. She was trying to defend herself (and failing miserably) by claiming it was *our* fault, that we knew how much this meant to her and that we'd "ruined her day" by blindsiding her the way we did. My favorite part? MIL: "And you had to tell me now? You couldn't wait until the gender reveal?" DH: "Mom, for the tenth time, WE WEREN'T DOING A GENDER REVEAL!" And after some back and forth, it turns out she thought we were going to throw a surprise gender reveal party. Just for her. Yeah, right. MIL eventually did apologize for upsetting us, but still made it very clear she was "disappointed". We don't care. She lives half an hour away and hates driving to our place, so it's not like we'll see her much until the baby's here. We're still pissed, but we're used to that. Feeding the Kraken never helps. So in conclusion, we're having a son. And if we ever have a daughter, we're not naming her Laura. EDIT: To clarify, MIL was never expecting a girl and never experienced any pregnancy losses. She always wanted a girl, but had two sons instead. Laura was the name she always wanted to give her daughter, not the name of a child she lost. I'd be more sympathetic if she was grieving, but that's not the case. [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/s/KGkWaZKUD8)  **Oct 20, 2023** I (27F) have been with my husband (29M) for 7 years. I remember that early in our relationship, one of the first things he expressed insecurity about was his nose. Specifically, about its width. He never wanted surgery, but thinks his nose is "too big for his face". I never thought that true, and for a long time, I wondered where he'd gotten that idea from. Then I met his mother, and all my doubts went out the window. I don't hate her, but the woman complains about EVERYTHING. And she seems particularly interested in criticizing her sons. Barely anything about my husband or his older brother is good enough for her, and if it is, she is quick to imply they don't deserve it. According to my BIL, that behavior didn't start until FIL passed (about 8 years ago), so they don't usually hold it against her. But to me, it seems like she legitimately doesn't want her children to be happy. Most times we talk to her, my husband ends up devastated. She constantly complains about me, his job, our apartment and his appearance. She has, on more than one occasion, suggested he get a nose job. That tends to upset him, so I always try to shut that down as quickly as possible. We got married in early May. The photos were ready about two months later, and we created a shared album on Google Photos for our friends and family, including MIL. I got pregnant during our honeymoon (can't recommend Dubrovnik enough), and I'm now 24 weeks along. We've had problems with MIL concerning my pregnancy (we're having a boy, and she had a breakdown because she wanted a girl) that forced us to put her on an info diet. That was two months ago, and she has since improved her behavior. Because of that, we said yes when she invited us to go to a mall near her place to shop for baby clothes last Saturday. My husband had an emergency at work and ended up not coming, but we still managed to have a good time. When we were done, she invited me back to her place. I hadn't been there in a while, and I quickly saw that she'd gotten some of our wedding pictures up on the wall. I instantly noticed something was wrong with them, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was yet. MIL saw what I was looking at and proudly announced that she'd gotten someone to "fix his nose". In other words, she gave her son a Photoshop nose job. On his wedding pictures. I couldn't believe it. I never thought she'd stoop so low. It wasn't even a good nose job; it was so bad that my husband's face didn't look real. He looked like a Ken doll, and not in the hot Ryan Gosling way. MIL must have seen how mad I got, because she instantly tried to defend herself. She tried to make the point that her son deserved to "look his best on his wedding day", and I should have convinced him to get the real nose job before our ceremony. I made up an excuse to leave, but I could tell she knew the real reason. She's been calling and texting me almost every day since. I've been ignoring her, but she's always either apologizing, accusing me of overreacting or begging me not to tell my husband. I know it seems trivial, but I'm outraged. And the more I think about it, the more disgusted I get. I could never imagine doing something like that to my child. I haven't told my husband yet. Mostly because we've both been busy with work this week, but also because I have no idea how to. His mother was finally starting to be a better person around him and his brother, and I know it will break his heart to find out about this. I don't know what to do. I have to tell him, but I can't figure out how. I know he loves his mother, and I don't want to damage whatever relationship they still have. MIL also mentioned she intended to send the "improved" pictures to some of her relatives, so I have to find a way to shut that down. So how can I tell my husband his mother Photoshopped his face on our wedding pictures? More importantly, what would be the most peaceful way to do it? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/s/ZtqxOpTUYO)  **Oct 27, 2023** Hey dudes, I'm back! Thank you to everyone who took the time to offer me advice on my last post. First of all, I want to clarify that not telling my husband what his mother did was never an option. She wouldn't remove the pictures from her house unless I either told him or threatened her. Had I done the latter, she could use that against me in the future or even imply I agreed with her. Plus, he was bound to find out at some point, and I knew it would be better if it came from me. I asked how to do it, not whether I should. So I sat him down last Saturday and broke the news. I explained what the pictures were and MIL's excuses for them. I also showed him the texts she'd sent me since my visit. The whole conversation, I was calm and straightforward, but made it very clear that not only did MIL's actions completely disgust me, but I never agreed with her about his appearance. He's the most gorgeous man I've ever met, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with his nose. I also made sure to point out that the photoshopped nose made him look like front-facing Phineas from Phineas & Ferb, and MIL needs to get her eyes checked if she really thought it looked good. I thought the news would hurt him, and I was right. He didn't cry or anything, but I could see it in his face. The odd, but common combination of disappointment and acceptance. He knew his mother wouldn't change, but still had some hope. It was almost heartbreaking to watch. But for the first time in a while, he seemed to believe me when I said his nose was normal. He told me that now that he knew just how ridiculous MIL was willing to be, her opinion meant a lot less to him. So even though he's hurt, he feels stronger than ever. As many of you suggested, I told him that he was free to approach the situation however he pleased, but I don't want to be around his mother anymore. Most importantly, I don't want her around our son, or any other kids we might have. Not only because of the guilt-tripping tantrums that have become her standard behavior, but also because of the way she treats the people she's supposed to love. I know she loves her family, but I doubt she knows how love works. If she's willing to treat her sons like this, I fully expect her to be even worse to her grandchildren. In the end, my husband and I decided we're going very LC with MIL until the holidays. Some of his relatives are throwing a party the week before Christmas, and she'll be there. We thought about skipping it, but he has cousins he hasn't seen in years coming for the party. He's been looking forward to seeing them for months, and it doesn't feel fair to let MIL ruin his excitement. After the holidays, we'll decide how to proceed. Regardless, she won't be allowed to see our son at the hospital when he's born. And once we bring him home, she won't be left alone with the baby. It doesn't matter how much she tries to improve, that is not something we're willing to budge on. In spite of everything, my husband doesn't want to cut ties with his mother, and I understand that. Even if he wanted to, he can't go fully NC without cutting off the rest of his maternal family as well, which he is firmly against. What works best for now is to treat her like Domino's Pizza: she exists and that's fine, but we're not getting involved until she actually improves. I also decided to tell some of my own family about this, and everyone I've talked to agrees that MIL went over the line. My father is a narcissist who I'm mostly LC with due to his entitled behavior (most recently, he tried to make me disinvite his ex from my wedding so he could bring his mistress), and even he was offended on my husband's behalf. And if even my mediocre, "respect your elders" father thinks your children are right about you being an asshole, you've probably gone too far. We talked to my BIL, and he's the one who informed MIL of our decision. She didn't take the news well. She's now trying to call both me and my husband, and keeps texting apologies and promises to take the pictures down. We're ignoring her. BIL visited her yesterday, and apparently the pictures are gone. She believed that was enough for us to forgive her, but he clarified that there is still a lot of work that needs to be done. Before anyone calls us dramatic, this isn't just about the Photoshop. This is about the damage she's caused in both her sons' lives. I was abused in a similar fashion in my teens by dad's ex, and I refuse to allow my child to grow up believing he's anything less than beautiful. Same goes for my husband. That's all. Again, thank you guys! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My MIL Photoshopped my husband's nose on our wedding pictures. How do I tell him?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17mmiiv/my_mil_photoshopped_my_husbands_nose_on_our/

17n5ghz

I am not the OOP. Originally posted by u/Throwwaaway22 (who has since deleted their account) to AITA a year ago. Update was added to OOP's original post. Also, a summary of this was [posted last year](https://old.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/w2eufp/aita_for_ruining_my_sister_in_laws_honeymoon_by/) to r/weddingdrama by u/BJintheRV, and that poster included a final comment by OOP's BF that I will append to this post. TRIGGER WARNING: >!RACISM!< [ORIGINAL](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w1cotf/aita_for_ruining_my_sister_in_laws_honeymoon_by/) **Originally posted in 2022** Throw away account although my sister in law will probably recognize the story anyway so I don’t know why I even bother. I don’t think what I did was an AH move at all but maybe the timing was a bit off but No, I don’t think I’m an AH full stop My (f27) sister in law (f30) got married last weekend. She’s my long term boyfriend’s (m32) sister. They’re white and I’m Middle Eastern. And a dark one with raven black hair. She was looking for a photographer that didn’t bankrupt her so I suggested a friend of mine who’s new in business and charged less than half because these things cost over € 5k these days. She was excited and I set a group chat with her and my photographer friend. We talked a little and later they met and they started messaging directly to each other. The wedding was amazing and everything went smoothly. I was one of the guests and she seemed happy. The next day they went off to their honeymoon. I don’t know if it was by mistake but instead of texting the photographer directly like she’s done for the past few months she texted him to our old iMessage chat. She thanked him but had a favor to ask him and wondered wether he could retouch some asymmetry in the (flowers archway? I’m sorry I don’t know the right terms in English) but also if he could take me off some photos because I’m too dark and ruined the color palette. Not all pictures. Just the ones she’s in. I texted back are you kidding me? She didn’t answer. I took a screenshot and posted it on my insta story tagging her in it. She called my bf crying her eyes out calling me an ah for embarrassing her and ruining her honeymoon. Bf thought it was a low blow. I was blinded with rage when I did it but even now I’m calm I still don’t feel that I was an AH. But people have been contacting her apparently asking if she really wrote this. She’s so beautiful and successful so please don’t blame it on jealousy or scare of being outshined. **UPDATE (posted shortly after original post)** 1) Sister in law is still on her honeymoon so I haven’t talked to her yet but she’s bombarding my bf demanding that I apologize and make a new insta story with my apology. More people got involved including my Bf’s mother that thought I was way out of line ruining her daughters wedding. I have also got contacted by my sister in law’s friends, some of them told me stories about what she’s been talking about me behind my back. Yeah she got what she deserved. The amount of her friends that weren’t surprised at all with her text made it clear for me that I wasn’t wrong. My sister in law is self employed with some foreign customers thats why she’s taking it so hard because she’s scared that would affect her career. I don’t feel like I need to save her career should something bad happen to it. 2) My photographer friend did what he was told. Thats the only right way imo. Being professional and not confuse work with his own values. He asked me if I wanted him to say something and I said no. I also asked him not to tell me what they’re texting since she’s his client so he shouldn’t break confidentiality. He’s just starting his career and he will meet worse brides. She was at least nice to him throughout their interaction. 3) now to my bf. As I said he thought this whole thing was uncomfortable. I told him if he wanted to be with me he needed to discuss uncomfortable topics. He opened up and it was actually deeper than this. This has happened before. His uncle is very rich and for his 60th birthday he had a very big party. As a thank you we received thank you cards with our pictures on it professionally taken. I remember this picture because his uncle had a “red carpet” moment when guests were photographed upon their arrival. Later we went to my bf’s mother to see the rest of the photos and I wasn’t in any of them. I thought it was funny how I literally evaded being caught on camera. I never mentioned this or even reflected on it and while my bf and his family were looking at the pictures and discussing the evening it was just so normal and no one mentioned something out of the ordinary. Today he told me that I was photoshopped off the pictures. Everyone in his family knew it but me. At the time they just thought the uncle could choose whoever he wanted to have in his pictures and they moved on -but you all kept it from me -yes -so you must’ve thought it was hurtful -i did, I asked my family not to tell you -and we continued going to that uncle. Celebrated some Christmases, Easters and vacations with him? Silence -you didn’t feel offended on my behalf? Silence -and now you think it’s okay that your sister is doing the same? -I didn’t think of it that way I know my sister. She nit a racist. -if it wasn’t racist why is she feeling “embarrassed” now? Silence -you think what she did was alright? -of course not! -will you just stand and watch when this happens to our children -OF COURSE NOT. I know my bf very well. He’s very kind and I never felt he was racist in anyway. I know he’s not stupid and is aware of these things which makes it worse because it just means he doesn’t care enough. I asked him why he didn’t care enough and he said he was so sorry but he knows me to be a strong girl that never let these petty things affect her. He’s right, I normally ignore 99% of the racism and micro aggressions I face in life and even laugh at the ignorance. We even discussed this before. But does being strong mean that people are entitled to try to hurt me? Because I usually don’t let them? Does it mean I wouldn’t appreciate to feel the support of my bf having my back? Don’t strong women deserve being supported by their loved ones and feeling safe and loved? He couldn’t answer this. I told him that I never want his sister in my life again or his uncle and probably not his mother either if she still wants me to apologize. I don’t want to surround myself with people like them and especially when I have children and I asked him if he’s willing to live like that. I asked him not to answer me now and think about it. It kinda felt like an ultimatum and thats bad but I didn’t know how to handle the situation better. I never thought of myself as someone who’s petty or that makes ultimatums. This experience taught me that I’m both🤷🏽‍♀️ And thank you for the NTA judgment <3 **BF'S FINAL COMMENT** This is the rightfully very much hated boyfriend speaking….. I have read both posts and all your comments on the update. I’m overwhelmed with the amount of support my girlfriend has received. Overwhelmed and ashamed that total strangers on the internet, have shown my girlfriend more support and love than I ever have. The person who’s supposed to be the closest to her. I have failed to support my girlfriend and be her rock but my only excuse is that I never done it out of malice. I thought I was protecting her from being hurt. I was wrong and I’m so sorry about that, but if there’s any consolation, I did it out of love for her. There’s no excuse for my passivity, there’s only an explanation and it’s thus: because of my privilege I made the wrong assessment of the incidents and deemed them albeit hurtful, not really serious or harmful. I deemed them to be pathetic, ridiculous and petty. I was wrong and I will not pretend that I need to be “educated” on racial inequality because I should have known all of these things already. I can only promise that I will have her back and be more active and alert moving forward. I choose her any day of the week and I will have a talk with my family and make them apologize to her. And it’s her decision to forgive them or not but I choose her. It was never really a choice to begin with. She’s my future wife and the mother of my future children. I have known this for years. I’m so sorry. **EDIT**: I forgot to add this awesome comment from the OOP regarding her BF: >He says he knows his sister and she isn’t racist because she dated an adoptive kid from Bangladesh when she was 16. I asked him if he thinks thats like a vaccine. She has antibodies in her blood now recognizing brown because… Bangladesh **REMINDER** I am not the OOP. I'm marking this as concluded as the associated accounts have been deleted.

AITA for "ruining" my SIL's honeymoon by exposing her racism?

CONCLUDED

tipsana

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17n5ghz/aita_for_ruining_my_sils_honeymoon_by_exposing/

17ndfi7

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/QuackedGirlieAnon **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITA for giving my boyfriend the ultimatum to spend more time with me than his family?** Trigger Warnings: >!Child neglect, child abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, manipulation, relationship neglect!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17ciibh/aita_for_giving_my_boyfriend_the_ultimatum_to/?share_id=IDc-WxSsIB13V44HaOkaQ&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 20, 2023** I'm probably going crazy, but I need to get this off my chest and some opinions that arn't close to us. My BF(24M) and I(22F) have been together since highschool, we met when I was 15 and he was 17, we hit it off massively and have always been each others best friend. He had a strained relationship with his family, divorced mom and dad. Dad had a family with a new woman, mom was single and focused on him. When he was around 19, his Mom remarried and the new guy had two daughters he brought into the relationship. My BF has TAKEN to his step sisters and is an all around amazing older brother. That's where the biggest issue takes place. (Bf - Boyfriend, BM - Boyfriend's Mom, BD - Boyfriends Dad, SD - Boyfriend's Step Dad, OSS - Oldest step sister, YSS, Youngest Step Sister.) The girls were around 13 and 10 when they came into the picture, and BF would be there for them through ANYTHING. It quickly went from us having two date-nights a week, to one date night and one 'group babysitting session.' I was fine with it for the first year, but after I graduated highschool - and started going to community college, I wanted more, y'know, private time. BF still lived at home though, and I lived with my parents. If he came over to my place - we'd beable to get private time and space. My parents are cool with it, but the issue is, he never wanted to leave his sisters alone. SD and BM would constantly skip town or go on trips or go visit friends and BF would always offer to babysit. He said he was always wanting siblings who loved him, and now he does kinda deal. Well, this has been going on for years. I had asked BF if we could go on a trip for our SEVEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY. Bec I'm just NEEDING to spend time with him. Originally our plan was for him and I to take a week-long disney trip paid for by my parents, amazing - right? He hits me with, three weeks before we're supposed to leave, a "My SD is saying the girls gotta go with us if I'm going to go." ME: "What? That's crazy, he's not paying for it and neither are you. He can't withhold you from going." Him: "He's having a hard time and says if I go for a week he's going to relocate my stuff from the house, Mom's agreeing with him." Me: "well fine, you can come live with us. (Me and my parents, my parents love him.)" Him: "I don't really think that's fair to my sisters and mom. Can I pay for them to go with us?" Me: "No." I didn't say anything else. He got pissed at me, and I explained, straight up, that I'm sick of his sisters always being IN our life. I understand he's excited to have loving siblings, and that he loves them very much. But he isn't their parent. He isn't in charge of them, and the fact that his mom instantly was ok with parentifying him from the get-go and shoving the girls off on him was a huge nasty red-flag. He left, pissed asf with me. Apparently told the girls, OSS whose like 17-18 is blowing up my phone talking about how I'm trying to isolate him from his family and I need to learn to fuck off when it comes to them??? That I can't CONTROL how much time he spends with his family and that I shouldn't tell them they can't go if they can afford it????? YSS sent me a text about how she's sorry that she did anything to make me hate them?? I DID NOT SAY I HATE THEM. My boyfriend is acting like my issue wis with THEM. When my issue is with us not having a GOOD private life together. I told both of them, copy pasting the message from one sister to the other, "I have no ill-feelings with either of you, I just wish I could spend private time with my boyfriend, who is also your brother that you live with, without you two always being there. I would love to plan a vacation with all of us at some point, but this was a vacation that was for me and your brother." Neither have responded to me. I sent a text to my boyfriend after it all saying, "Hey. I just need you to know that I don't hate your sisters, I love them. But I need us time and I can't continue this relationship if you can't learn how to prioritize me as much as you prioritize them." He hasn't responded. Their SD called my dad and basically told him off for being picky with how he chooses to spend his money? My dad didn't like that one at all, they were buds in the past but a few years ago SD insulted my dad in some way and Dad hasn't wanted to talk to him since then. Dad told him to go "fuck himself and BF better beg to be allowed to step foot in my house after this." kinda deal, so Dad's blaming BF. I'm trying to handle that. Nobody is responding to me, and I'm just losing my shit. I contacted our mutual friends, adding a few to a group chat, told them whats up, one told me that the girls were abused by their mom? and their dad is a piece of shit so my BF is the only person they have to rely on in that family. But at the same time, I feel like that's partly just fucking excuses. They said that I'm being too harsh on him, and that I can't 'spring this on him' years after it became a issue? The others in the group chat either were big on I'm being too harsh on him, or really really against me saying the girls are sweet and I can't expect to punish them for me wanting more attention??? Nobody seems to understand, and I'm just, I'm losing my mind. Am I wrong?? Am I the asshole?? &nbsp; **AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the top comments, OOP was NTA** &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17dw2fj/update_aita_for_giving_my_boyfriend_the_ultimatum/) - **October 22, 2023** Stuff happened. I'm not going to try to include a timeline because everything has been very confusing and I stayed up till 4am past couple of nights and just... time is an illusion, Anyhow. BF finally contacted me. Came to my house, not texted or called. Begged my father for forgiveness for HIS step father's actions. He started crying, my Dad hugged him and brought him inside. I was pissed, I started screaming at him. My dad told me to let him speak. My Bf basically admitted that his step-dad was a piece of shit, and that he abused his daughters. They'd go to their mothers, but she is equally as bad. He witnessed them being beat by their father when they first came into the picture. Step-dad never tried with him, because he was too old and fit and my bf would have floored him if he tried. There has been a few physical altercations between them. The sisters see my BF as their only safe space. and both of them wrote me hand-written apologies, wasn't anything fancy, but my bf knows me well enough that "A text won't do shit for her, if you're sorry, write it out or tell her face to face." They weren't strong enough to face me though, but that's fine. I don't... blame them, this situation is just fucked up. My BF told me that the friendships and personal situations going on involving his life, while we were growing up, were his business in his eyes. Everything that was hurting him, everything that hurt our friends. He was always the one people called on because he wouldn't tell and that it wasn't just a "I don't want to tell you" kind of way, it was a "This is their and my lives, and there is a inability to vocalize how much things can hurt, or knowing something is wrong and telling someone else only to know they'll be more upset for you than you're upset for you - sucks." He knew if I ever found out about the abuse, I'd of told my dad. He said this infront of my dad, and my dad said it was understandable? Like Dad? hello? Because "You'd take the girl's father away from them, and unless your mother is willing to adopt them both, you'd lose the girls entirely." Dad seemed to get it before I got it. Convo lasted a few hours, my bf asked me if I could forgive him, I told him only if things changed somehow. I asked how I could help, he said I couldn't. He asked to speak to my father in private, they did. Then they left for a bit. The girl's and my BF have been staying at my house since they got back. Police officers have been by a few times, apparently my dad is protecting the kids now and my bf is going to start a case against their father. My dad is acting as a voice of support/reason, my dad has some sway around here and so people listen to him. My Bf's asleep in my bed right now, first time he's been allowed to sleep in in forever. His sisters are asleep on an air mattress in the living room. Both did end up apologizing too me. The Disney Land bit was because they were scared to be left home alone for a week without my BF there. Nothing more, they were downright fearful to be alone with their father and my BF's mom. Apparently she's been abusing them too, without my BF knowing. They told the cops last night. There is alot... going on. Alot of it is confusing to me and its been a whirlwind. Disney has become a family + girls trip if the cops/courts/whoeverthefuck will let us. My mom and dad will take the girls and me and my bf will have our original plans. If not my mom and dad have promised to be there for the girls. My Mom's been teaching YSS how to do braids and stuff, it's been sweet. My friends kind of are upset with me, because I pushed my bf to tell me alot of their personal secrets and issues, and then I blew up on them for not telling me. It wasn't my place, I know that. I just had to know how much was going on behind my back involving my boyfriend. I didn't need to know, I just wanted too. He told me begrudgingly, and that's my bad 1000%. I didn't realize half the shit people relied on him for, everyone relied on him. It's depressing how much I didn't know, but it's also relieving to know that he's genuinely that great of a guy and I'm going to do my best to make it up too him. **ADDITIONAL COMMENTS FROM OOP** If anything is confusing, I'll try to answer questions. I just woke up and was trying to make sense of this mess. I'm numb atm, happy I think, but numb. My life has changed a-lot as well. The girl's told me stuff I never knew, I cried with them last night. There has been... alot of crying. We were all up to 4am, just sitting in the living room eating snacks and watching movies and talking about it all. They have gone through... shit. Their mom was worse than their dad, but their dad was horrible. OSS is traumatized of driving and doesn't like driving because their mom would get high as fuck and when OSS was like 7-8 she'd force OSS to drive her places, and it scared the shit out of her. She'd get beat if she didn't listen. Nobody really knew, the girl's mom went to jail for drug possession and that's how their dad ended up single with the girls. He actually - within a month - met and got with BF's mom. He, I think, was just looking to dump his daughters on someone so he didn't have to be a dad. But BF's mom didn't like the extra workload, and so her 'abuse' was more 'neglect and spite' because she blamed the girls for their step-dad not 'really' loving her. BF ended up being told by the parents to take care of the girls, and if he didn't, he had to watch the girls be neglected by his mom, or beat by their dad, or just miserable. He's the only reason they've had lives at this point. They were scared I hated them, they were so scared I would take away their brother. It was painful, I didn't realize I became such a villain in their eyes. I cried, ALOT. &nbsp; [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17ijg3s/update_2_aita_for_giving_my_boyfriend_the/) - **October 28, 2023** It's been a hell of a week. I showed my BF the posts, and there was... alot. Where to start? Well some court stuff is in progress. week after next is when stuff is really starting to happen, the girls are allowed to live with us here temporarily. Dad says I'm "not allowed to post too much details about the GIRLS' private lives online" he quoted privacy and legal reasons with the upcoming court stuff, so just know - things are in progress! I'll post that update once it happens. This is more about my relationship as it stands, and to clarify some information. My boyfriend only told his BEST FRIEND about the situation. BF and his best friend have known each other since diapers, so he was the one that was closer to him all along. He knew the sitch, but it was like... hard for him to help or for them to figure out what was best to do. A few commenters talked about why my BF didn't reach out to other adults, or tell others, apparently he tried. He told his school counselor. I can't go into more detail about what happened THERE right now, but short story is the school failed him and his step-sisters. I'll be telling ya'll abt that in DEBT when I am allowed too. Friends and I are NOT talking atm. A-lot of them don't understand how I feel, and I realized that they are pretty shitty to me overall. My BF has gone no-contact with anyone who didn't apologize too me as well, or didn't at least understand the situation to not blame me. We are starting couples counseling starting Wednesday, this is for a few reasons. I realized I can't trust him, but I want to trust him. So I told him we need to work out these feelings through counseling. He needs to talk about what he went through with someone other than just me, his best friend, and my dad. My dad actually REALLY pushed for therapy. We need to talk about and communicate things in a way that's controlled, because right now we're both too emotional to handle conversations. I showed BF my posts the day we decided on counseling. He originally got defensive, but reading the comments people left where they talked about me leaving him, prioritizing myself, he started crying. Like ugly snotty heaving crying. I have never seen him cry like that before. He gave me this super long-winded apology that was basically repeating himself over and over again until he couldn't stop through the sobbing. It was so bad my mom came to check on us, then basically hit my room with a "Do not enter" to the rest of the house. He talked to a few people after that, when he pulled himself together, a few friends gave me really heartfelt apologies after he explained the situation to them. Apparently I'm... really bad at explaining how I feel. I'll say when I confronted people, I did it in a place of anger. So everyone was on the defensive instantly, and people thought I had forced their secrets out of my bf in a "its MY secrets not yours to know" but some of our friends understood where it came from that 'we' are a couple. Some people are upset, they don't feel that I'm 'entitled' to their secrets, and honestly, I agree to a degree. I promised that my BF only told me things that involved HIM. Because HE is my partner. Things are rocky with some people, but we don't have the time for friendships atm. BF is officially living with me, sharing my room with me. His stuff (valuables, consoles, etc) is in the basement atm and the sisters are set up in my dad's office until we hear the result of the court stuff. If the court-stuff goes our way, we'll be refurnishing the basement. People brought up some points about my dad and mom's relationship, and I talked to dad about it. He actually agreed with everyone, and talked to my mom about what she told me. Some additional context about my dad, he's like 57 atm. He retired early because, as he told me a few days ago, "The biggest mistake of my life was prioritizing a career over my family. I did it so I could have more time with you, later on, but that was wrong of me as I missed so much of your life early on." Mom apologized to me as well, and said that she has some "Fucked up perspectives based on her own experiences." (She was married once before dad, and that dude abused the fuck out of her. So she just thought she was lucky to have dad.) I'm also going to be going to individual therapy sessions with the person who'll be doing our couples counseling, it'll be on Fridays. Thank you to everyone for the advice and support, &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for giving my boyfriend the ultimatum to spend more time with me than his family?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ndfi7/aita_for_giving_my_boyfriend_the_ultimatum_to/

17ndfwr

**I am NOT OOP. OOP posted to two accounts** u/throwRA_babymamaa and u/throwra_babymamaaa **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **How do I(27f) tell a one night stand (30sm) that I have his kid (1m)?** Mood Spoilers: >!Positive for OOP!< &nbsp; **Posted to u/throwRA_babymamaa** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16o6le8/how_do_i27f_tell_a_one_night_stand_30sm_that_i/?share_id=ruZmNDYvtJXoBF47TDttx&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **September 20, 2023** OK to keep it simple my son's babydaddy was a one-night stand. He was a trucker who got snowed in, we met at a bar and hooked up, didn't exchange contact info, I was just bored, lonely, and temporarily insane from the pandemic and was being risky and stupid as shit and didn't bother with protection. Love my kid tho, no regrets there, glad I didn't get an STD. When I realized I was pregnant I thought long and hard about it and decided to keep him (thanks Catholic guilt, it's not strong enough to stop me from having sex but strong enough to stop me from getting an abortion lol.. JK I love my kiddo and kept him because I wanted him) I make a decent living, child support would help but we can get by without it. I didn't expect to ever see the babydaddy again and I was OK with that. Kiddo has my last name, I didn't know his. I was fine with being a single mom and dealing with everything myself, TBH some of my friends have shit babydaddies and they and their kids are better off without them, I feel like kiddo and I are better off on our own than trying to add someone to the mix anyway. At least that's what I told myself. But my friend who works at the gas station just happened to see him. She knows his name and race, saw his name on his ID, her nosy-ass made sure to confirm it was the same guy and ask if he remembered me, asked for his number on my behalf and passed it on to me. (I'm sure he is flattered thinking some random hook-up talked up his skills to her friends to the extent that they remembered his name LMAO.) Anyway thanks to her nosy ass I can't claim innocence anymore and am forced to make a decision. SO. First of all, do I say anything? I know it's technically supposed to be the right thing to do but TBH I have heard so many babydaddy horror stories. It's to the point that if I'd gotten pregnant from a hook up with a guy I would reasonably expect to see again (but not know well enough to trust) I might actually abort because I wouldn't want my kid to go through what some kids have gone through. If I say something this guy can sue for custody or guardianship, I can't bear the thought of letting my baby go to some stranger and not being around. Hell he can't even talk and couldn't tell me if something happened, not that I think anything would or that the trucker will want custody in the first place but who even knows these days?? On the other hand how can I deprive my kiddo of a father? It would be one thing if, once he was older, I could honestly say I didn't know where his father was but I can't possibly lie to him about that and I can't imagine telling him I could've found his father but I was too scared. So I'm leaning towards telling him but how do I even do that? Can I just text him the news and get it over with? Should I try to see if he can meet up next time he passes by and tell him face-to-face? Is there any kind of legal shit I should be aware of with this kind of thing?? (yeaah in case you couldn't tell I went from giving no fucks during the pandemic to giving too many fucks about everything as a mom and no matter what plan I make I just keep thinking of the ways things might backfire and somehow hurt my kiddo) I know I am way overthinking probably but please I just need someone to tell me what to do. **Relevant Comments** ***LAGA_1989:** He’s a stranger. If it were me, I would not invite an opportunity to have someone I don’t know at all take my baby half the time because he’s technically the father who had no choice in the decision to have the baby. Just my personal opinion.* >**OP:** That's my instinct but I'm also imagining having to justify this to kiddo later when he asks why he doesn't have a dad. &nbsp; **Posted to u/throwra_babymamaaa** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17iki2f/update_how_do_i27f_tell_a_one_night_stand_30sm/) - **October 28, 2023** This was my first post ([link](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16o6le8/how_do_i27f_tell_a_one_night_stand_30sm_that_i/?share_id=ruZmNDYvtJXoBF47TDttx&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)), it didn't get a lot of comments but I wanted to let you guys know how it turned out. I forgot my password for my first throwaway so I had to make a new one but it's still me. So a while back I posted here asking for advice about how to tell my babydaddy I have his kid. After figuring out how to run a background check and seeing no criminal history I thought I would try to meet him, do a vibe check, see if he seems cool. Hook up with him again if I need to in order to get to know him. Lol. Anyway. Turns out I didn’t need to go that far. The guy texted me that he was stopping by in town, we met up for breakfast. I was like, cool, promising, breakfast usually doesn’t lead to a hook up, so he actually wants to get to know me which makes it much easier for me to get to know him. We made some typical casual date smalltalk. Then he asks do I have kids. I tell him one. He asks how old. I say one. He’s like “Is he one and one month?” He figured it out on his own. When my friend who never met him recognized him by his name and insisted he get in contact with me, apparently, he was like "It's either a baby or a very serious STD." So I just came clean and told him everything. I haven’t introduced him to kiddo yet. But I showed him a picture. He agrees that kiddo is the cutest kiddo ever and looks like him. We are getting a paternity test. He is definitely the babydaddy because he’s the only Asian guy I’ve been with and kiddo is definitely part Asian. But I don’t blame him for checking since I know some women will lie about things like that. He doesn’t seem like he doesn’t believe me, he just wants to make sure which is fair. Babydaddy says if kiddo is his he’s fine with paying child support and just having supervised visitation until I trust him more. He lives in his truck apparently so no judge would give him any custody until that changed. So that’s how it is. I didn’t really get the choice to decide on my own terms whether to introduce them or not, but so far it all seems to be working out. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***atomik71:** What’s your end goal here?* >**OP:** Not sure I have one really, just taking things as they come. I didn't expect him to figure it out on his own and it kinda ruined whatever plans I have. > >It would be nice for kiddo to know his dad assuming his dad is a decent person (I have no reason to think he's not I'm just cautious) and some child support money wouldn't hurt. I support him on my own with some help from friends for childcare, but I could buy some nicer treats for kiddo and start a decent savings account for him with child support. --- &nbsp; **OOP HAS APPEARED IN THE THREAD AND HAS GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO SHARE HER COMMENT HERE.** [Additional Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ndfwr/comment/k7w0abz/?context=3) A lot of people are really struggling to understand why I was so worried about my babydaddy (I will use whatever words I wanna use, y'all can deal) and whatever risk he might pose to my son, and why I would trust a guy enough to have sex with him but then not want him around my kid. I imagine a lot of you aren't parents but let me try to explain. My son is one year old. He is totally helpless, he is totally dependent on me. I care about him way more than I ever cared about myself. I used to ride a motorcycle, do I anymore? No, I sold it because I don't wanna leave him without a mom. I used to hook up with strangers, do I anymore? No, taking risks is a completely different ball game when I have someone else to worry about besides myself (and also I have no time for that lol.) Every single decision I make is now filtered through the lens of "How could this effect kiddo?" Now when I first realized I was pregnant, I never thought I would see his father again, everything I did was under the assumption I would be doing it alone. Which I knew would make things harder on me in many ways but on the other hand it meant I would never have to see my baby cry because Daddy broke a promise again. It was what it was, pros and cons. I knew I'd have to explain to my son someday that I didn't know how to find his father, I was prepared for that. What I *wasn't* prepared for, was ever having to make the decision of introducing my son to his father or not. That is a whole different ball game. It was like the rug was pulled out from under me. I couldn't say "Oh, it is what it is, pros and cons" anymore. I'd have to make a decision. And my son would have to live with whatever decision I made. That wasn't something I took lightly. Of course I would rather that my son have a good father than not! Two loving parents are better than one! But I didn't know. It was impossible to tell how things would work out in the future. ALL I could think was "If I tell this guy, he can take my son. If I tell this guy, he can take my son. A judge can award him custody of my son and I won't be able to do anything about it." I don't know how to describe how terrifying that thought is. The thought of my helpless, innocent, baby being outside my reach. If something bad were to happen to him during that time he couldn't even tell me. It's not that I thought something bad WOULD happen. I'm not anti-men or anti-trucker or anything like that. I don't think all men are evil. It was just this idea that, once I tell the babydaddy, I've done something I can't undo and anything might happen. You can think I'm horrible, selfish, a narcissist, "the worst kind of female", whatever. None of that matters to me, what's best for my son is the ONLY deciding factor. And in case you didn't realize, I eventually DID make the decision to reach out to the baby-daddy. I did want to get to know him a bit before saying anything. But when he figured it out, I didn't lie. I could have but in the end I decided kiddo deserved to know his dad and if I lied right then I could be throwing away that chance. Since he clearly only agreed to meet me because he figured out what happened. I don't feel like I did anything wrong by being cautious about it. Anyway. Hopefully that clears things up, y'all might still not like me or understand me, but that's how I feel. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

How do I(27f) tell a one night stand (30sm) that I have his kid (1m)?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ndfwr/how_do_i27f_tell_a_one_night_stand_30sm_that_i/

17ndfxh

**I am still not the Original Poster. That is That is** [u/ExIsADipshit](https://www.reddit.com/user/ExIsADipshit/) and her other account, [u/ExIsADipshit2](https://www.reddit.com/user/ExIsADipshit2/). She posted in [r/AITAH](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/). **New Update marked with \*\*\*\*\*.** You can read my previous BORU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16gh2wi/aita_for_defending_my_husband_after_my_exhusband/). **Trigger Warnings:** >!child abuse/neglect; threatening behavior; infidelity; harassment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Happy ending, mostly!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1678sfx/aita_for_defending_my_husband_after_my_exhusband/)**: September 1, 2023** I (38F) have a 9 year old son Max and 6 year old daughter Olivia with my ex-husband Dan (35M). Max has severe Autism and requires a lot of care. I remarried 3 years ago and my husband (Luke) is incredible. My ex (Dan, 35M) has them 6 hours every week. This week this was on Tuesday and as I was away for a funeral, Dan took the day off work to be with them in the morning and evening. Ex and his girlfriend (Sophie) picked them up as planned at 11AM. My husband took this time play a round of golf with my brother. They finished the game at 4pm, and the golf is 30 minutes from our house. I got a call at 5pm exactly from Sophie SCREAMING at me about me abandoning my kids. I was confused, and eventually realised Luke wasn't home yet, so I told her where the spare key is so they could wait for Luke to come home inside. Unfortunately, Luke's car had gone kaboom on the motorway and he was in a complete coverage dead-zone. He was able to call emergency services, but nothing else would connect. When the Police arrived, the first thing he did was ask if someone could contact Dan to tell him what happened. Sophie was already on the phone to the Police to report me and my husband for "child abandonment". They said one of us should have been there and my ex doesn't feel safe inside our home (?), so they've left the kids inside our home and that the Police needed to go and "save" our kids and arrest us. The Police person speaking to them told them multiple times to turn around and that they were the ones who had abandoned them. This whole time I'm getting messages from Dan saying how this was unfair on him and Sophie and that I'm a terrible parent for leaving them with "someone who doesn't give a shit about our kids". At this point I didn't actually know what was going on, all I knew is that Luke wasn't home but Dan had found the spare key. At no point did he tell me that they've left the kids alone. Luke got hold of me via the Police and I arranged for a friend to go round there as soon as she could, but the Police already had a unit there after the call with Sophie. After this, I've decided to get try and get his 6 hours a week taken away. I've given him so much leeway over the years and this was my limit. Our son is dependent on an adult and our daughter is 6, and the only thing he would say to defend himself is "well I kept up my side of the agreement by bringing them back after 6 hours." This has caused a whole other shitstorm, to the point where Sophie sent me messages that the Police are now investigating. Dan hinted he is going to try and get the kids taken into care because of my husband "abandoning" then. I had multiple people ask me why I'm staying with someone who abandoned my children. His parents have threatened to try and gain custody of the children, saying the children need a stable family unit, and calling my husband abusive. I said "fuck this" and put the whole story, with evidence, on my private Facebook page and people quickly understood. But now I'm being branded a drama queen and an asshole for publicly blasting the father of my children, putting my husband above my kids. I don't understand how, he's more of a father to them then Dan is! I feel like I've taken crazy pills, AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did you mean the police investigating you or Sophie?* "I worded it badly in the post, Sophie sent me messages, and the Police are now investigating those messages. Said some horrendous stuff about my kids and even worse stuff about me. Hopefully enough for me to prevent her from ever being near by kids again." *More info on police involvement:* "I won't speak too much on the Police involvement, but I will say they won't be investigating them being left alone. That's being handled by a more appropriate service. I made the report about the texts she sent and they are treating is as an ongoing pattern of behaviour rather than a one time event? I'm not entirely sure what they meant by that, but I think they'll consider other stuff that has happened and lump it all together? I am speaking to an Officer on Monday." *In response to someone saying you shouldn't eliminate their father from their life:* >I don’t think removing your kids from him 100% is good for your kids. We're going to have to politely disagree here. He left them alone in a house and refused to go back even after the Police told him he had to because they weren't his responsibility beyond that time. If that's not evidence that they're safer without him, I don't know what is. He chose this path, not me. >They don’t get to choose who their father is. You're almost correct, they don't get to choose who their biological father is. *Heavily downvoted comment, but OOP's response gives more info:* >I’d urge you to hold off on your decision until some time has passed. You want your decision to be well-thought and not reactionary, after all. It's been 3 days. Assigning my very rightful anger about my severely autistic child and his 6 year old sister being abandoned to being "upset" is demeaning and dismissive. How many times is an appropriate number of genuine child endangerment before taking action is appropriate in your world? This wasn't a mistake, this wasn't something he regrets. He still thinks he did nothing wrong. Also, the fact you're just assuming I'm making a "reactionary" decision and "jumping to no contact" on something as serious as the contact my children have with their father? Patronising as fuck. As for any other behaviour in the past, he has 6 hours a week for a reason. I won't be going into our history as it's not required here. *I can't believe they called the police to tattle on themselves:* "I don't believe this part of the story, it's why it's not in the post, but Luke swears it's true. I think he's exaggerating it slightly. After he asked the Police officer to get someone to contact Dan, they came back and told him about the call from Sophie (based on the address given) and how someone at HQ was trying to tell them to go back to the kids, and said "I've dealt with some real bright sparks in my time, but that's a unique kind of dumb."" *Did your ex mean he was going to try to take the kids, or that they'd go to foster care?* "He recently moved into Sophie's place and I remember hearing something about a cold day in hell before she let's them sleep there overnight. For all his (many) faults, he's self aware enough to know he can't look after them. He meant taken into foster care, his parents meant into their care." *Block Sophie:* "She's muted. Police said I could block her but they're looking into her actions being harrasment, so ongoing messages is very helpful to that." *What did Sophie say in the messages?* "About me, she said I was a shit parent, accused me of neglect, said my car might have an accident, threatened to fight me, accused me of cheating on my ex with Luke, despite him living on a different continent at the time... Just unhinged shit. I've had stuff from her in the past but never to this level. I won't go into what she said about my kids." ***There is no judgement bot, but most of the comments say NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16b3psa/update_aita_for_defending_my_husband_after_my/)**: September 5, 2023 (4 days later)** I immediately forgot the password to the account I posted this on, but I am the OP. I hope that's ok Mods. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1678sfx/aita\_for\_defending\_my\_husband\_after\_my\_exhusband/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1678sfx/aita_for_defending_my_husband_after_my_exhusband/) That happened a week ago, post was made a few days after it happened. The post I made on social media had kicked up quite the fuss, but most things have been sorted. For now. And my post is still up telling people what happened. My brother (Pete) was friends with my ex-husband before we ever got together. He also never really got involved in our relationship, or separation. He's never really been involved in my life beyond being a good uncle. He's a nice guy, but we have never been that close, he's always been closer to my ex, and now with my husband. When he found out what happened, that completely changed and he put himself right in the middle of it all. My brother was always the "beta" in his friendship with Dan, I always suspected he was scared of him. Well not anymore. He called Dan and ordered him to meet him at Dan's parents (who he knows quite well). Dan was "advised" that bringing Sophie to this meeting wouldn't end well for him. I don't know exactly what was said, but the result of their conversation is that Dan's parents are going no contact with him. I don't like them, they've never liked me, but I've never doubted they loved my kids and would protect them with their lives. Pete did tell me that Dan made it clear he wouldn't break up with Sophie under any circumstances, even if it meant he wouldn't be able to see his kids. Pete explained what happened to my ex-in-laws, that the version of events I posted was true, and went through the timeline/proof. Dan argued and bitched and moaned until his Dad told him to leave. I think the fact that my brother, who is known for caring about beer, women and sports and nothing else, took this so seriously got the grandparents to wake up. I spoke to them and although their apology was barely worth hearing, we came to an understanding. I'm not going to allow any visits/contact between Dan/Sophie and my children going forward. Our agreement was informal, no courts orders or anything. If he wants to see them, he will have to fight for it, which I know he wont. Those 6 hours a week are now going to be with his parents, on the condition that if they allow Dan to be around the kids, even once, they will be cut off from our lives. They were fine with this. Today came and they picked the kids up and spent the day with them. They called me after 5 hours and asked if they could bring them back an hour later than planned. They were having a lot of fun painting and the kids wanted to finish what they were doing. No problem, thanks for checking. I cannot stress enough how much I dislike them, but knowing my kids are with people who **want to be with them** is such a good feeling. Dan didn't even text me asking if he was going to have his scheduled time today. I spoke to a Police Officer yesterday about the messages sent to me by Sophie. I'm going to gloss over some details, for reasons, but they are moving forward with an investigation. There's a continued pattern of behaviour, and it has been escalating. She's made some very specific threats and over the weekend sent me a message that contained information she would only know if she had followed me to where I was at the time. Luke has set up external cameras on our house, including making sure our cars are covered by cameras at all times. Our neighbours know what happened last week, so they're going to keep a lookout for her as well. I feel awful that I let this person be around my kids for almost a year, I let her be around them but didn't know her well enough to spot she was capable of behaviour like this. I spoke to Olivia to ask what she thought of Sophie and she said she was grumpy and not fun, but nothing to indicate she hurt them or anything. This reaction to the whole situation is just unhinged. Luke has been a star through this. He's resisted the very strong urge to find Dan and beat him with a Golf club ("He's not worth replacing a driver") and made sure the kids know he loves spending time with them. Olivia calls him Daddy anyway, but she knew she was abandoned last week and he's shown her that he's here for her. He's always loved Max and been amazing with him, but I know he's found it difficult to connect. He asked for advice and I told him just to try things he enjoys and see if Max engages. Well... Max spent 5 hours on Sunday with a golf putter in his hand hitting a ball to the putting machine thing Luke has in the garage, and apparantly he's a natural. Luke now has it outside as Max became "automatic" in the garage and needed a "bigger green". So... I'm now reevaluating my life. Living with one Golf obsessive was barely managable, two may be more than I can endure. I'm currently typing this looking at Olivia's painting of a birthday cake. Deranged threats aside, I'm happy with how things are right now. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More on investigation:* "The Police are actively investigating and taking steps regarding Sophie. They have more than enough information to move forward, just a matter of going through the processes now. I don't know how the system works but I believe there will be an arrest soon. And no, they aren't charging with child abandonment, but that issue is being looked at along with the bullshit with Sophie. I don't know what the plan is from the Police beyond they have all the information. They're just focusing on the immediacy of her threats rather than what happened last week." **OOP commented on the original BORU post about the police efficiency (September 12, 2023- 7 days later)** "All they’d done when I posted the update was come and see me to take full statement and copy of everything that was sent. Not quite sure where the unbelievable efficiency is in my posts?" **\*\*\*\*\*Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17iogav/update_2_aita_for_defending_my_husband_after_my/) **2: October 28, 2023 (1.5 months later)\*\*\*\*\*** BORU which includes the first post, which was on an account I lost the password for, and the previous update - [https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16gh2wi/aita\_for\_defending\_my\_husband\_after\_my\_exhusband/](https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16gh2wi/aita_for_defending_my_husband_after_my_exhusband/) Since my previous posts, everything has (mostly) been resolved. I didn't go into detail at the time, but a lot of what Sophie was sending me was accusing me of sexual infidelity, and had told a LOT of people that I was someone who "fucked other women's men". I **thought** she was accusing me of cheating on my ex with my now husband, but we will come back to this in a bit. She directed people to message me from public posts on her Facebook, one person turned up at my door to shout abuse at me. Between this and other stuff she did, I reported her to the Police and they opened a case of harrasment. I spoke to a lovely Officer who took all the evidence I had and a week later she was arrested and interviewed. Her phone/computer were siezed and she was released with bail conditions to not contact me directly **or indirectly**. I was told there was enough evidence to support a prosecution, but at that stage I just wanted to move on and be done with it. Dragging it through court for god knows how long seemed such a daunting and horrible future, so the Police didn't move forward with prosecution and filed it with no further action, meaning the bail conditions would no longer apply the moment it was filed. I was told this would happen after a review from somebody that wasn't the Officer dealing with it, which would be between 1-7 days and I would be told when that was completed. (I'm not 100% sure on the specifics/legalities of this paragraph, it's just how it was explained to me, I wasn't involved in any of it directly.) This was communicated to her, and being the bright spark she is, she **immediately** messaged my brother something along the lines of his sister being a whore and a waste of Police time. The bail conditions were still in place. He reported this to the Police, not knowing I wasn't going forward with the whole case. Turns out that where I live, breach of bail conditions is a crime against the government, not the person they were in place to protect. I have no knowledge of what's going on with that, but I am lead to believe she is in a bit of legal trouble. After she was interviewed I was informed of what was said about all of this to the Police, bringing everything full circle to the original incident that lead to all this. Turns out Sophie and my ex were in a "relationship" for almost 2 years while we were still married, with it ending around the time my 6 year old daughter was born, and then reconnected in the last year or so. I had no clue this happened, I'm actually weirdly impressed he hid it so well. Sophie was under the impression we split up a year into their "relationship", and didn't know we had a son while they were together. When they reconnected, he told her we had 2 kids, which she wasn't happy about but "forgave him". Thing is, my ex told her that my daughter is 8... She is 6. He was covering up lying to her all those years ago about separating from me. I guess this was easier than telling her that not only were we together for the second year of their relationship, but we had a child in that time... I don't know what his long term plan for this lie was. The day it all exploded, Olivia had corrected her about her age, and she realised that I had been having sex with "her man" while they were together all those years ago. My then husband... She thinks the moment he told her we had split up, she went from being the "other woman" to the legitimate partner. I'll go to my grave not understanding that logic. Anyway, she hit the roof and refused to be around his "love child" any more, which lead to the whole issue at my house in the first post. Luckily she didn't say any of this in front of Olivia. Dan is still with her. They can have eachother. He's made it clear he has no interest in seeing either his legitimate child or his "love child", which is fine. His parents have been incredible this entire time, helping with childcare to the point I have been able to pick up more hours at work. We've gotten along much better since they've accepted that **MAYBE** all the bad things they heard about me weren't true. Still some bad blood there but it's a much improved relationship, which is great for the kids because they love spending time with them both. The absolute worst part of all of this is that Max, Luke, my brother Pete, my ex-FIL and Pete's BIL are now in a weird golfing crew. Max still only putts when they reach the hole, but he enjoys watching the others play the full game. Golf isn't played in the winter, is it? This ends soon, right? I'm going to hear conversations about **ANYTHING** else by the end of November, surely?

New Update: AITA for defending my husband after my ex-husband abandoned our children?

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ndfxh/new_update_aita_for_defending_my_husband_after_my/

17ndh6d

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Maximum-Jello-3098 **I think my boyfriend is stalking me** **Originally posted to r/TwoXChromosomes** **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Recording without Consent, abuse, destruction of property, stalking!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/8M7JMSOBc8)  **Oct 10, 2023** I recently moved to a new state a few hours away from where my boyfriend lives. This was for school and also because I had an issue where my boyfriend hid a camera in our bedroom so he was spying on me. It pretty much ruined our relationship. Behind my apartment building is an old parking deck. No one parks back there and it is patrolled by the police. A few weeks after moving in, I noticed an old truck parking at the top directly across from my window where they could see inside. Like he parked where his window lined up with mine. It was during strange hours like 3 or 4 in the morning. I started closing my blinds at night. It was such a strange thing too because it’s not like they could see inside very well and I’m only sleeping with the covers wrapped around me. I couldn’t believe that someone would really park across the street to watch a stranger sleep. Anyways they kept coming back. I would peak out the blinds and the truck would be there about once a week. I couldn’t figure out who it was, just the color of the truck. I started thinking about a comment my boyfriend made about how from the parking deck, you could see straight inside my windows. I didn’t think much of it at the time because it seemed obvious that someone would be able to, but I started wondering if maybe he was the one driving up there at night. My boyfriend doesn’t own an old truck but my dad does that matches the truck I keep seeing (tbf it is a generic white ford) and he mentioned he’s been letting my boyfriend borrow it. Also this never happens when my boyfriend is there. I am terrified. I do want to breakup with him but now I’m afraid that the stalking will get worse. I’m hoping it’s a weird stranger but for reasons I do believe it’s him. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Serious-Knee-5768** >This is a lot to unpack. >How many weeks? You THEN decide to close blinds? Who doesn't know dad's old truck? "I don't know why someone would just watch someone sleep"? I'm under covers but blinds open? Closed? Can you actually see a person in there? BF mentioned this spot and seeing in your place? I would have asked dad immediately at 3am, "where's your truck, I think I'm looking at it". Dates? Cams in bedroom??? Uhmm, dad stop loaning the truck out?  Who doesn't know dad's truck even if it's secondary or the work truck? If you're still calling him bf and establish its theee truck why don't you bang on the window with the police in tow and inform him that he is no longer... A bf (even a weird obsessed one) would knock on the door? >Sorry, but to me, you're story doesn't sound right. >Whether this is real or not, please try and get the help you need. ♡♧ **OOP replied** >>Hmm well to clarify, when i first saw the truck I thought someone just parked there for whatever reason. I closed my blinds then I opened them the next night. When I saw the truck again a couple weeks later I thought it was weird again and kept them shut this time for weeks. The same night that I finally felt comfortable to open them again I saw the truck was back. I took a picture and could make out a person sitting in the seat but it’s not detailed. I also can’t see the license plate because of how they are parked. It’s just a generic white ford truck owned by many people which is why it took so long for me to think about my dads truck and the possibility of it being Him. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/bF3PE58F8H)  **Oct 26, 2023** I am happy to say he is now my ex. He did not take the news well and broke my phone which is why it took me time to update because I had to get a new one. I did confront him about the stalking. He told me I was crazy and said that women don’t know cars so it could have been a white van instead of a white truck. He also said the person might be working or busy doing something. He was unconcerned about the situation so either it was him or he doesn’t care that someone is looking into my windows. I told him next time I was calling the police. Either way, it has stopped. I’m 90% sure it’s him because of the stupid excuses. Who drives to an empty parking garage and parks directly across from someone’s window to “work” instead of all the other empty spaces and floors that aren’t facing my window? I talked to my dad and my boyfriend has been borrowing his truck for months now. Apparently he told my dad it was for work so I did speak to my dad about taking his truck back. As for why my dad lent out his truck, they live in the same town. I am the one who moved away to a new state by myself. I have checked my bedroom for hidden cameras. There are none that are obvious but I feel like there could still be one. If anyone has tips for finding hidden cameras let me know. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I think my boyfriend is stalking me

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ndh6d/i_think_my_boyfriend_is_stalking_me/

17ndhmi

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/xndjskos **I am asking you on a date** **Originally posted to** r/USMC [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/USMC/s/U8UanvbxPL)  **Apr 18, 2023** Hi I'm [20F] long story short my boss hates me and wouldnt stfu bragging about her bf who's like 20 years younger than her and in the ARMY. Wanted to make her shut up so my dumbass said "yea mine is a marine". She insists I bring my "bf" to her birthday party. Guys pls help Edit: god damn thanks for the award! Feels like I won an Oscar or something.. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Otherwise-Bad-7666** >Just 1? We travel in packs. When and where is the party? **OOP replied** >>next weekend, oceanside. also, do you stay sane when you travel in packs too? **[deleted]** >>>No, no we definitely do not. * **Httplickmyballllss** >Okay I’ll do it, but I’m gonna be drunk **OOP replied** >>Don't get me fired. * **Cogadh87** >Congrats on your wedding in 3-6 weeks. **OOP replied** >>This is ridiculous **TOP COMMENTS FROM THE USMC** **ObviouslyNotALizard** >I need one motivator to accompany the nice lady to the event. Hit on the boss, top her GOARMY boyfriend then throw up in her car * **Apache1One** >Fuck it, I'm in. I mean, I've been out for 10 years, and don't exactly look like a Marine anymore, but hey, once a Marine, always a Marine, amirite. >DM the address and I'm there. >Edit: if you're ugly, I'm leaving. * **Dry-Tangerine-4874** >Do you mind being picked up in a Dodge Charger/Challenger? **Curious_Location4522** >>Only if it’s 40% apr financing agreement * [Update - 6 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/USMC/s/04KwPNogPL)  **Oct 28, 2023** Hey there, it's been a long time lol. The last time I posted on here was when I asked for a guy to accompany me with my boss. I'm gonna delete reddit soon but thought I'd update some of you guys since you've asked for one. I was getting hopeless since some people in my dms were asking to fuck after the night and some weren't at the same place as I was. I was about to text my boss and tell her that I wouldn't go until I got a notice from reddit and decided to give it one last shot and THANK GOD I did lol. I ended up taking him there and we had such a great time. It was kinda awkward at first and we had to come up with the same stories but it was so worth it. We've been together since then and he told his family and friends about me. Shoutout to the folks who encouraged me to give it a shot. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I am asking you on a date

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ndhmi/i_am_asking_you_on_a_date/

17o3tzx

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Living\_Pound\_5524](https://www.reddit.com/user/Living_Pound_5524/). She posted in r/AITAH **Mood Spoiler:** >!wholesome and cute af!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17ed82q/wibta_for_not_telling_my_husband_im_pregnant/)**: October 23, 2023** My husband is a stay at home dad to our 4 year old daughter, he is an extremely devoted and loving dad who has barely spent any time away from her and she is a major daddy’s girl. In two weeks, he’s going to his best friend from college for a whole week. He's going to be reuniting with his college friends that he hasn’t seen or spent time with all together since our own wedding. He originally wanted the three of us to go, but I convinced him to just go himself because I think being alone would make him enjoy it more so he didn’t have to do childcare, I think our daughter is too young for that big of a trip for people she’s only met once, and also I’m planning on taking a week off work and would love to spend one on one time with her that we so rarely get. This morning, I learned that I am pregnant. We have been trying for some time now and really want lots of kids, so I am over the moon and I know my husband (and daughter) will be too. I have not told my husband yet. My first pregnancy he was a huge prepper and when I first learned I was pregnant he went into overdrive with preparing, researching, and taking care of me. He was incredibly helpful and loving and it was so sweet but he also really worked himself up and got stressed. I don’t think it’ll be as bad with this one but I could still see it being a lot. I honestly don’t really want to tell him until after his trip, in 3 weeks even though it’s a huge secret for me to keep. I think he’ll potentially be “upset” (which with him is very very tame) when he finds out I’d known for 3 weeks but would get over it fast. My concern with telling him is I could honestly see it ruining his trip. I can just imagine the constant texts asking me questions for the millionth times or sharing his most recent thoughts. I really, really want him to have a chill and fun trip and be able to decompress. And for myself, I want to be able to just focus on having a great time with my girl. But, I also don’t want to just hide something so hugely important to our family from him since he obviously deserves to know. I can’t really decide, WIBTA if I decided to wait to tell him until after his trip? ***Relevant Comments:*** *NTA, but definitely don't tell anyone else before him:* "Oh yeah def not telling anyone else, that’s why I’m asking Reddit for advice on this and not friends or family lol. Although may tell my daughter right before he gets home cause I’m loving all of the surprise suggestions I’m seeing especially with her wearing a big sister shirt 💕" *This exchange:* Commenter: I love the big sister shirt! If she’s not reading yet, you can have her help you make it then tell her when she’s putting it on to show him that it has a secret message for daddy to read out loud to her. They can both get a surprise at the same time! She can blurt out when she sees him that her shirt has a secret message for him and she won’t know ahead of time what it is. OOP: I absolutely love this!!! This is absolutely what I’m going to do, thank you so much!! **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17jexll/update_wibta_for_not_telling_my_husband_im/)**: October 29, 2023 (6 days later)** So I hadn't planned to give an update so soon but even though I’d planned on waiting until after my husband’s trip, after a few days it became clear to me I could not wait that long lol. He definitely knew something was up with me, I’ve been getting crazy excited and been chomping at the bit to tell him, and honestly it just didn’t feel good to keep something that big from him for so long. We have been trying for this baby for close to a year now and it’s such happy news and I decided it’s just not worth it. But, I still wanted to give him the surprise I had planned. I asked him to go out to the store to grab something really quick, and before he got home I had my daughter put a shirt I’d gotten her that had ‘only child’ crossed out with ‘big sister’ written underneath. When he came through the front door she sprinted to him yelling about how her shirt had a secret message for him. He was very taken aback lol and it took him a second but once it clicked he was beyond excited, as was our very confused daughter once we told her. She started dancing around the house singing about having a baby sister (which she is adamant it will be) and it was just a really good day. He is still going on his trip and has not been even close to as stressed as he was last time. If anything he’s looking forward to it even more now because he knows it’s going to be a last chance to really decompress before things become a whole lot crazier. Thank you so much everyone for all of the lovely comments and responses that I got, I really appreciated them all. I showed my husband the post and admitted my original plans and he got a big kick out of it lol, but he’s very glad that I told him before the trip. Thanks again 💕

WIBTA for not telling my husband I’m pregnant until after he’s back from his trip?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17o3tzx/wibta_for_not_telling_my_husband_im_pregnant/

17o3v0z

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/throwaway0612107](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway0612107/). She posted in r/amiwrong **Trigger Warning:** >!infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16tmf69/not_comfortable_with_my_husband_being_friends/)**: September 27, 2023** Throwaway because he knows my username. Edited with names so it's easier to read. No update as of yet because I think about decisions before implementing them. Also, we started couples therapy in September, so it hasn't been that long. TLDR: My (F35) husband (M35) snapchats with female coworker (F24) daily. Has sent a questionable tiktok to her. She sent him a pic of her in her pajamas. They are #1 bffs on snapchat. I expressed that their relationship made me uncomfortable. He responded by hiding it and lying about talking to her. Full story: Coworker (F24), we will call her Debbie, started working with my husband (M35), we will call him Charlie, 2 years ago. Last September, I met her for the first time at a wedding of two of their coworkers. She sat behind us. The girl getting married does not like my husband but he is on the same shift and the whole shift was invited to the wedding. The girl getting married had called Charlie a snake to Debbie in casual conversation - they are not friends and Charlie is generally a good person, imo, so that is not a red flag to me. Debbie told Charlie about this. So, at this point it's a running inside joke that I was privy to. Back to the wedding - Charlie texts Debbie "snake" and Debbie mouths "stahhp" all flirty. I did think it was flirty but thought that may just be her personality. Fast forward to the shift Christmas party last year. We have been hosting shift Christmas parties at our house for 2 years. The whole shift was there, but Debbie brings her twin sister as her plus one. One thing about their job is it's a male dominated field, but I am friends with a few of his coworkers wives. So during the party, all the women were hanging out, except Debbie and her twin sister. She was hanging with the guys. I just assumed it was because she didn't really know most of the women. No big deal, but the next day, she sends Charlie a couple of photos that she had snapped of him without his knowledge. The photos were accompanied by the text "why did I take these? lol". He showed me this and his response, which was pretty pg, but I did remark something along the lines of "lol I think she has a crush on you". He brushed that off. Fast forward to February - His coworkers are all in their 20s and they convince Charlie to get snapchat. I have never been a fan of snapchat, and Charlie has never had any form of social media, except Reddit. After he gets snapchat, I notice he is on his phone a lot more. I am naturally a nosy person and I realize that is a flaw of mine. So I notice that he is beginning to talk about Debbie more. And I start questioning who he is chatting with. One thing I notice is that every single time he works overtime, she snaps him and asks him if he is working, or she will ask if he worked it the next day. I tell him she is starting to make me uncomfortable. He brushes that off. March - We go to a new coworkers house on a Wednesday night for a dinner party. None of the wives that I am friends with are there. I also have to work on Thursday and no one else does. Before we go to the party, we discuss leaving at a reasonable time. At 9:45pm, I ask him what time we are leaving. He hem haws around, and I admittedly get frustrated and walk off. He gets mad and decides he is staying as late as he wants. I keep asking when we are leaving and reminding him that I have to work. I spend the rest of the night crying on the couch in a strangers house. 4 people come to check on me. Charlie and Debbie never do and I can see them sitting beside each other outside. Edit: We end up leaving the party at around 1:30AM. May - We go to a hot air balloon festival an hour from our home. He sees on her snapchat story that Debbie is about 30 minutes away. He tells her where we are and asks her to meet up. I am not really privy to this conversation except that I asked him who he was talking to and it was her. We get in an argument and leave before she arrives and then he tells me that's what they were talking about. June - We go to London for vacation and we are arriving back in the states on our anniversary. I post a super cute slideshow. Debbie sees it. Debbie then snaps Charlie about someone breaking into her car. I express that I think it is weird. August - Charlie says that he stopped talking to Debbie because it made me upset. He has been distancing from me for a few months though, so I still have a gut feeling that something isn't right. He got a new phone in July, but saved his old phone. I let my intrusive thoughts win and I look at his old phone. Charlie and Debbie talked on the phone for 45 minutes while I was at work and they were both off work. I log into Charlie's tiktok account. He sent her a video from Barstool sports of a girl telling a guy "I have a crush on you" and the guy reacting really good to it. Two days before he sent that video, Debbie reposts one that says "When you are trying to go to sleep but all you can think about wanting him in your bed." Two days after he sent her the crush video, she reposts a video that says "The most confusing place you can be is knowing you have a connection with someone but you're not officially together but your more than friends". I confront him and tell him that this is an inappropriate relationship. After I confront him, she deletes her videos. He claims he didn't talk to her about it and still maintains that they stopped talking. Last week: I decide to check his snapchat on his old phone because I'm still having a gut feeling. They have been #1 bffs on snapchat for at least two weeks. They talk every single day. She sends him a pic of herself in her pajamas ("now I'm in my pjs lol") while I'm looking. It wasn't risque but I have never once sent any of my male friends a selfie of myself - much less in my pajamas. I tell him I am not comfortable with their friendship and I would like him to stop being friends with her. Side note- we are in couple's therapy as well. During a fight he tells me that he likes having friends. I have no problem with any of his other friends. I ask him why he lied and said he stopped talking to her. He said because he knew I didn't like it. I feel like I can no longer trust him , and he basically told me that he would rather be friends with her than married to me. I have asked all of my friends if I am overreacting and all of them have told me to leave him. We have been married 13 years and together a total of 15 years. So reddit - am I overreacting? Edited a few typos. ***Relevant Comments:*** *What does your therapist say?* "Therapist doesn't understand why he just won't stop talking to her but also doesn't believe that it will be enough for me. 🤷🏻‍♀️" *Is he attractive?* "I mean, I personally think he is attractive 🤷🏻‍♀️" *How is your sex life?* "I can only give my point of view, but to answer your question, it was good until a month ago. And he doesn't want it." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/17ixjut/update_not_comfortable_with_my_husband_being/)**: October 29, 2023 (1 month later)** TLDR : divorce incoming So I gave him an ultimatum (do not recommend) and he has a lawyer friend. He went to see his friend two days later. He decided it wasn't for him. Our therapist convinced him to block the coworker. We were working on the marriage. I honestly think we were making progress. We were starting to be able to talk about issues without them getting super heated. He was actually opening up in therapy. And then he was triggered by his avoidant attachment style. He went to Debbie's birthday dinner and I didn't. He stayed at his parents house and came home the next day. I got a Snapchat request from a new female friend and noticed on my list that Debbie had a top friend in common with me. I don't really use Snapchat except to send videos to a female friend that has iPhone while I have an android. So I have two best friends on Snapchat. Carrie and Charlie. Debbie has the sunglasses emoji next to her name on my list. It can only mean that Charlie added her back. I asked him to pack a bag and leave. I'm calling a lawyer ASAP Monday. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP answers some questions:* Commenter: Damn OP that really sucks but I'm glad you stood up for yourself. What was the reason he decided to go to the party? Also, why did he stay at his parents that's really suspicious. How did he react when you asked him to leave? OOP: "He had told me about the party Wednesday and we had planned to go together. Friday morning we had a counseling appointment and the therapist basically told him he needed to start feeling his feelings instead of bottling them in. This triggered his avoidant attachment style. He seemed down all day and I told him I wasn't going to the party. He told me that he wasn't going to change right before he left and I told him we couldn't work without change. That's why he stayed at his parents. He came back Saturday and I asked him to leave Saturday night." *Appointment update:* "Appointment with the lawyer is Tuesday."

Am I Wrong? Not comfortable with my husband being friends with female coworker

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17o3v0z/am_i_wrong_not_comfortable_with_my_husband_being/

17o3vhv

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/911whatyousmoking **I'm so done with my bf's entitled friend.** **Originally posted to** r/EntitledPeople **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!sexual assault. Manipulation. Betrayal. Controlling behavior. Denial and Weaponization of past SA. Mention of eating disorder. Mention of child abuse, bullying!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/vtIgDEE8Wd) **Oct 3, 2023** Sorry if this isn't the correct place to post. I just need to get this off my chest. I (22F) have been dating my (M22) boyfriend for five years now. We've been living together in a small town, very very close to where he grew up with his friend (22F). His friend Sarah has always been very vocal about how much she loves him, how she knows him soooo well, how she has even seen him naked as kids, how she is like his sister etc etc... They only see each other about once a month, she has been our house about three times. Something important about me: I was SA'd a few months before dating my now bf. This was something that impacted me and has ruined certain aspects of my life. The guy who did it is a well-known person around the area, which means that from time to time I run into him. This brings me so much anxiety, so much pain, and the only way to feel better is venting about it. Sarah was at my house one time. I started bawling about it and decided to trust her (big mistake). I told her everything. She knew the guy (the guy actually tried to get with her before) and she acted so compassionate and kind in front of me. One day we were having some dinner as a group. It was my bf, Sarah and other people I didn't know. Sarah asked my boyfriend what he was planning to do after uni. **My boyfriend:** I'm not sure yet. **Me:** Why not a master's degree? **Sarah:** God OP! Stop pressuring him! He's worked SOOOOO hard all his life, give him a goddamn break and let HIM decide what to do. She said it in such an aggressive tone. Mind you, I was just suggesting. I've never told my boyfriend he had to do something. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, telling me it was alright and that he didn't think I was forcing him to do something. Then, Sarah asked what his future plans were for housing. I mentioned my family has a house in the southern part of the country (maybe a 5 hour drive?) and that we were planning on moving there in the future. I kid you not, these were her exact words. **Sarah:** HELL no! He isn't moving to the south. He's staying here. And he better not go farther away than (insert nearest city). I was a bit annoyed. Why was it when I recommended doing a master's I was forcing him to do something, yet she was prohibiting him from moving? Yet I was the controlling one? Anyways. Sarah then started talking about ex-boyfriends, and said she didn't mind if any of her friends got with her exes. I mentioned something to her like: "I'd warn the girl first. I don't want anyone to suffer what I suffered." Sarah BLEW UP. She was red in the face. These were her words: **Sarah:** How fu*king dare you throw yourself in the middle of a relationship? Are you that possessive that you can't let your ex be happy? You're not over your ex and I can tell! You cried about him the other day! You're hurting BF by not telling him the truth. She was accusing me of all these things. And then the cherry on top. **Sarah:** BF hasn't been the same since you two are together! He's so quiet! He hasn't talked to me all day! You two keep showing affection in front of us all the fucking time! I'VE SEEN HIM NAKED AS A KID AND I KNOW HIM SO WELL. You're no good for him! She was annoyed at us holding hands and hugging each other in front of her. I started crying over her tone and her accusations (I'm very sensitive). And then she said something that made me bawl even harder. **Sarah:** I'm so sure you lied about your SA. If it were actually true, you would've gone to the police. What did he do to you exactly? I blew up and told her in detail what he did to me in front of others. I was so embarrassed when I realised I told a bunch of strangers something so personal. **Sarah:** you're such a fucking manipulator. Remember when I met you you were crying over your weight? Sarah kept throwing things that made no sense, anything she could she was throwing it into my face. She has an ED, and she threw my own self-esteem issues into my face. I wasn't expecting my bf to say anything. Not only is he incredibly bad at confrontation due to years of abuse from his family, he's terrified of her. She has been like a sister yeah, but as that big sister who bullied him as well. Anyways, we're moving to the south in a few months. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/hqqtjutIOy) **Oct 5, 2023** I shared my story about Sarah a few days ago. It was written a few days after the whole situation went down, and I was just looking for a place where I could vent my feelings. Thank you to those who reached out to offer support/advice. People on tiktok have decided to twist the truth and add things that are simply not true. So I just wanna update so people don't get confused. **1.- BF AND SARAH HAVE NEVER SLEPT TOGETHER. THEY HAD ONLY SEEN EACH OTHER ONCE A MONTH.** There isn't a point in the story I mention them sleeping together. I only mention the fact that their families were so close as kids (2 year olds) that Sarah and my BF had seen each other naked AT THAT AGE. It has never been a sexual relationship. **2.- BF cut her off without hesitation.** Please don't come after him. My BF was quiet during the confrontation because he was abused as a child and confrontation basically makes him shut off. And Sarah was one of those who took advantage of his kind nature to force him to do things for her. I know from an outside perspective it seems like he's spineless and let me take all the abuse. He's aware of this and feels terrible. He, however, gathered enough strength to send her a pretty long message that night saying how what she did was unacceptable, how we were going to move, how she acts like a feminist yet shames an SA victim and basically made me confess what happened that night TO A BUNCH OF STRANGERS. I know confrontation and defending people might come easy to you, but it's incredibly difficult for him to confront others, especially when Sarah has been a bully to him his whole fucking life. I don't blame him. He's got issues and we're working with them. The fact that was able to cut her off without a second thought makes me feel happy. **3.- Sarah doesn't regret it.** According to some friends we have in common, it was something she had on her chest for a long time, and she didn't want to stand by and let me "manipulate" and "control his life". God forbid I give my own boyfriend suggestions OR plan my future with him. She thinks my BF cutting her off is my doing. Nope. Sorry. All his choice. **4.- Strangers reached out.** There were a lot of people at the dinner party (this happened while we were out having dinner with Sarah's friends) who had to hear my very VERY detailed explanation of what went on with the person who SA'd me. I deeply regret telling Sarah about my SA, especially in front of so many people, I made them so uncomfortable. BUT... Many of those strangers reached out to give me support. They have also cut Sarah out of their lives because she showed her true colours making an SA victim relive trauma and accusing her of "not being over him". I'm so happy that they didn't let that night ruin their image of me, and that I'm not a "controlling freak" like Sarah said. **5.- What now?** So, yeah... After the whole drama that night, we went home and I realized I can't fucking live like this. I don't want to run into my abuser every so often, because it triggers me and I can't heal this way. Even after five years. My BF can't heal having one of his so call "friends" live literally a ten minute walk from us. So, like the post says, we've decided to move earlier than expected. We're looking for a therapist to help us deal with our respective issues. [Final update](https://reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/iS5KjS7wHM) **Oct 6, 2023** Hi guys! This is going to be my final update, I want to leave the whole Sarah thing behind me since she's no longer a part of our lives. I first came to Reddit in search of people who would support me during a difficult time, and while I have received much love and support (thank you for this!), I have also had to read various mean comments and people doubting my story. I have also seen people have made TikToks about my situation. Various TikToks changed the title, changed various details of the story to make my bf look horrible, added in lies where they said Sarah and him slept together (again, not the case), cut off very important details and basically manipulated my whole story for clicks and views. I have had to read people tell me I have no self-respect for staying with my SO, call my SO a douchebag for having to deal with his own traumatic problems... So for now, I don't want to keep updating Reddit about Sarah because then I would have to mention my SA and yeah... not really good for my mental health. But I do want to share some info to finally close this: **1.- Sarah and her friend tried to contact me last night.** She is blocked on our phones, so I received a message from her friend who I didn't know existed. I guess she realized my BF was actually being serious about going NC, and she realized she FUCKED UP. The "friend" said that I should talk to my BF and tell him to change his mind, because it was something she said in the heat of the moment and that she was sorry, and that she wanted us to have a girl's day to talk about the situation. I of course blocked that number without even responding. People have mostly been on my side, and Sarah is going crazy over this fact. I guess she realized she showed her true colors and that she doesn't have any power over people anymore. I guess she realized the only thing she could do was apologize, but I don't think she really regrets it. Even if she did, she used my trauma as a weapon against me and I will never forgive anyone who does that. **2..** I mentioned in my last post that people from the dinner party had reached out to me to defend me. BUT NOW **I have been reached out by Sarah's ex-friends** (not the ones from the party) to tell me that Sarah is not only trying to control my BF, but everyone she interacts with. And when she couldn't? Well, Sarah would either give them ultimatums or just cut them off. Long story short: everything had to go her way, and she would get upset when people wouldn't bend over backward for her. In school, she bullied other people and then claimed she was being bullied because nobody wanted to be around her. (Sarah has told me she was bullied, but not that she was a bully. She claimed in the past she was an empath which was why she "understood" my pain.) **3.- The real reason why she blew up at me that night was because she saw my boyfriend is changing.** She saw that's its an actual serious relationship, that he is making more decisions for himself and she thought it was my doing. She didn't like the fact she couldn't spend more time with him and hated the fact we hugged and held hands while we were out in public. I guess Sarah's problem is one of control. From what other victims have told me, she seems to be the type who likes to claim they're an "empath" but also wants to control her friends' lives. It's sad, really. My bf has opened up more about his experiences with her and they're heartbreaking and I just don't feel comfortable sharing more details about this. **4. Is Sarah in love with bf?** We honestly don't think that's the case (but I'm aware I could be wrong). To be completely honest, I have questioned this in the past when I met her. But Sarah does have a long-time partner from my understanding. I've met him twice. Again, Sarah's problem is that she feels the need to control her friends. This ranges from deciding what we're going to have for dinner, to demanding we all go dressed a certain way for Halloween to making life choices for others. If you ask me? I think she was projecting. She accused me of being controlling, threw my past ED into my face (when she literally has admitted she has one), also just... random things that made no sense to even mention. ​ So... yeah. I don't think I want to keep updating. I just want to continue living my life, plan my trip to the south of the country and take care of my pets. Thank you to all who cared and are supporting 🙂 **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I'm so done with my bf's entitled friend

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17o3vhv/im_so_done_with_my_bfs_entitled_friend/

17o40tg

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/InevitableVacation94 **WIBW for ending a close friendship over dog sitting** **Originally posted to** r/amiwrong **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Verbal Abuse, emotional manipulation, exploitative entitlement, sickly animal!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/URG9H5Oyg0) **Oct 9, 2023** I've known this friend for 20 years, and considered her to be one of my best friends. We've had some contentious conversations over the years, mostly to her making me feel inadequate because I was always trailing just behind in her shadow, and now as adults, she's more successful than I am. I would never hold that against her, but she does like to rub it in my face (her and her fiance bought a house, every time we go out to eat she makes a show of paying it, saying that she likes spoiling her friends, etc etc). I work two jobs and am actively trying to find one job that pays the bills so that I don't have to, and my workplace situation is becoming increasingly hostile at both. Her workplace is also spiraling into hostility and she's been planning a vacation abroad for months. She asked me a couple months ago to dog sit for her, as one of her two dogs is elderly and sickly. I agreed to do it, and she's due to leave on Thursday for 10 days. I know she's really looking forward to it, as her last vacation was ruined by COVID. Well, my dad called me yesterday and said that he might have found someone with the power to pull some strings and at least get me an interview at a company I applied to. This person has helped others, and my dad said if the job happens, it'll happen fast. I told him I had agreed to dog sit, and he said I should put myself before their dogs and that they can figure something else out. So I called my friend to tell her about the situation. She was understandably upset, but I assured her that as of right now nothing has changed, but that it would be prudent to have a backup prepared just in case (which she should do ANYWAY, me potentially moving out of state notwithstanding). We talked about it, at which point she asked "If they offer you the job, are you really going to take it?" I said, "What are you talking about? Of course I am. I can't stay in this job much longer, you know that." I told her if they offered, I'd have to ask for a couple of weeks anyway to pack up my apartment and house hunt. She hemmed and hawed about not having anyone else to watch the dogs, rushed off the phone to go "make some phone calls." A few hours later she sends me this text: >If I can't find anyone to at least take Old Dog by Monday, I NEED you to watch the dogs as promised or I'll have to consider shortening or canceling my trip. I'm sorry if this means you have to miss out on a job opportunity, but Old Dog is too medically fragile to board and I'm struggling to make other plans right before I leave. I was stunned, and then I was pissed. This woman really just straight up said "I'm sorry but your financial stability is expendable and a sacrifice I'm willing to make." It took some input from a friend to come up with a civil reply, wherein I reiterated that point that a) I was still planning to watch the dogs and b) regardless of my situation it would make sense to have a backup, in case I had an emergency myself and couldn't be with the dogs. She responded, "In that case I would figure something out, but this isn't an emergency." Every person I've asked about this has been equally as stunned by her reaction and her demand that I pass up this hypothetical job opportunity that I haven't even been offered yet. We've had issues in the past where she talked down to me, but this is the worst by far. My family has repeatedly asked me why I still talk to her when she treats me this way, and I've often spoken in her her defense that she's there for me when I need her. But this? This makes me realize what she truly thinks about me, that I'm a pity case she keeps around to use for her convenience. When she gets back from vacation, I plan to quietly block her and never speak to her again. Would I be wrong to do so? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** ***Cocklecove:** The way she treats you, I wouldn't even watch the dogs at all. You know she won't be making any other arrangements when you get the call, she won't shorten her vacation to care for her dogs. The dogs will be the ones alone. She doesn't deserve to have you as a friend. Back out now. Screw her and look out for yourself* **OOP:** >The only reason I'm not backing out is because I know her work situation is bad and, despite everything, I do want her to take the vacation and enjoy it. She's worked hard for it. I'm taking the high road and doing her this one last favor, but if the job offer comes in I'm taking it. I'll explain to them that I have a prior commitment and need time anyway, which was my plan to begin with. ***YellowBeastJeep:** Wait, her WFH job is a hostile work environment?* **OOP:** >Verbal abuse is still abuse. I’m not at liberty to share any more details than that, unfortunately. Which is ironic, given how she turned around and used verbal abuse on me in this instance… &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/lgO4XzVxd9) **Oct 29, 2023** They're back from their trip. I left them a long note detailing everything they needed to know about the dogs. She'd tried to leave an envelope of cash and said that she'd cut me a check for the other half when they got back and I tacked on a bit in my note saying to consider my dog sitting a birthday gift for them both and left the money. She messaged me thanking me and said she had some souvenirs she couldn't leave on my doorstep and asked to meet up. I just told her to get some rest and quietly blocked her. Is it cowardly? Probably. But I have enough going on in my life and frankly the idea of a confrontation makes me sick. As for the job offer...it never came. Dad's friend said he was worried my relevant experience was all part time. I rechecked my application and it had been kicked back as incomplete, so I resubmitted it. Got no notification, but I checked the submission again and got the "Thank you for your interest, unfortunately we're moving forward with other candidates at this time." So. All that for nothing. Lost a dear friend who showed her true colors over a job offer that never came. Thanks to everyone who commented with their words of encouragement before. I'm gonna go have a good cry and figure out where to go from here. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

WIBW for ending a close friendship over dog sitting

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17o40tg/wibw_for_ending_a_close_friendship_over_dog/

17osgqg

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Throwaway2449394920 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITAH for keeping my wife on a short leash after she cheated on me?** Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity, controlling behavior!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16uotlz/aitah_for_keeping_my_wife_on_a_short_leash_after/?share_id=jZVhHD8OM3HqZi990AYvx&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **September 28, 2023** My (30M) wife (31F) of 5 years cheated on me last year with her friend when she was out with her friend group. She used to this often, but always came back at around 12:00 am. But this time she came home very late (at around 5:00 am), and drunk, and I didn't press the issue that night. She was distant, and didn't talk much to me afterwards the next few days, I only found out a couple days later when she confessed to cheating after I kept asking her why she was so cold to me. I was shocked, I never liked the fact that she went out to bars and clubs, but she never gave me a reason to distrust her, until that night. I immediately grabbed a bag, packed some stuff, and left, she was begging me to talk about it, but I wasn't in the mood for it. I was angry, upset, sad, I know that I wasnt in the right head space for this kind of talk, so I stayed with a friend. Fast forward a few days later, and I agreed to talk to her. She said she was so sorry and would never happen again, and that she would do anything to make me stay. I spent the time I was away thinking of staying or leaving, and I hate the fact that I still love her. We don't have kids together, but part of me still wanted to stay. I gave her certain conditions if she wanted me to stay. The first one is to never see the man she cheated on me with ever again. The second was that I could see her phone or computer any time I wanted without having to ask The last one was that she could no longer go out to bars or clubs without me. She agreed to all of this. Over the last year, she's been estranged from her friend group because she can't go out with them without seeing the man she cheated on me with, and she hasn't really made any new friends. I haven't checked her phone or computer either. I know she likes to go out, so i try my best to go with her when I have time, the bar and club scene was never my thing, but I try to enjoy it with her. Things haven't been the same as before, and I've thought loosing the "she can't go out without me" rule, but I keep thinking of what she did. I've explained this to my friend, and she said I should just divorce her if I can't trust her anymore. I've thought about it, I wasn't as happy as I used to be, she says she's happy with me around, but she isn't as energetic as she used to be. So, AITA? **AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the comments, OOP was NTA** &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/179btcp/update_aitah_for_keeping_my_wife_on_a_short_leash/) - **October 16, 2023** Thank you all for responding, it was a little overwhelming how much attention this post got. To clarify some things that were asked Our relationship before seemed pretty good. I was never the club and bar kind of person, but me and my wife enjoyed going out to different places. We were both very outdoorsy, we often camping, climbing, hiking, among a lot of other things. We also liked taking trips around the country, and sometimes abroad. We also had date nights once or twice a week. We both work from home, so we often had a good amount of free time. We aren't rich of anything, but we do fine. Also, to clarify something, we don't have kids and we don't want kids. When it came to our sex life, I think it was decent, we had sex 3-4 times a week, and often tried new things (never with another person though). The only thing we didn't share was her habit of going out to bars and clubs. And now to her friends Some of you were under the impression I told her to see NONE of her friends. I only told her to stop seeing THE MAN SHE CHEATED WITH. At first, I didn't know exactly why she became estranged with the whole group. (They were all part of the friend group). I met all of her friends, including the man in question, from what I know about him, he was a man whore. Nothing happened between him and my wife before, but I never liked the fact she went out so often with this guy, even if it was in a group setting, especially with alcohol involved. I did bring this up to her, and she told me there was nothing to worry about, and that this was just insecurity talking. Our relationship now We've gone out hiking a few times, and gone out together on dates, but not nearly as often anymore. I just haven't felt the desire to. Our sex life is pretty barren as well. She's tried to initiate plenty of times, but I rarely want to. The update I've talked to my wife, and we both reflected on our relationship. She still claims she wants to stay with me, and would respect my conditions no matter what. I asked her what she would do if I let go if the conditions. She told me she's truly ashamed of what happened, and she said she probably wouldn't go to a club or bar alone anymore. I asked about her old friends, and she told me that she doesn't want to be their friend anymore. She told me that they thought she was being unreasonable for not wanting to see the guy anymore, and that's just how he is. Basically, they refused to cut the guy off, and they didn't like that my wife had a problem with him I never asked her about this before, because I didn't care about how my condition was met. All that I cared about was that it was met. I've opened up a bit more, and how our life now is pretty dull. She said she's aware our relationship isn't the way it was before. I asked her if she wants things to change, but she said she doesn't feel that she has the right to ask me for anything, she said she's aware it's her fault our relationship is like this. I mentioned couples therapy, and she immediately said that it was a good idea. I still resent her, but from what I can tell, she does want to make this work. I can't fully trust her yet. I still remember when she first said that there was nothing to worry about. We decided to start couples therapy. I'll be honest though, the only reason I'm willing to do this is because she has followed my conditions for a year, but I don't think this is gonna help me trust her ever again, if therapy doesn't work, then I'll leave. **Relevant Comments** **hideme21:** I just read your first post and the update. Did she ever say WHY she went home with him? Cool she regrets it. But what caused her to give into that desire? What was she feeling or thinking? >**OP:** >This is a good question. I haven't asked her. I'll bring this up in therapy when I get the chance. **Toadwart79:** Are any of her friends married or in serious relationships? Their flippant disregard by saying "that's just how he is" makes it sound like they've taken a turn. Before she cheated did she ever mention him sleeping with other members of the friend group? Honestly, with their attitude about the whole thing, I wouldn't want to be around them any more than I would the AP. It sounds like she is owning up to it, and she confessed without being caught. I am 100% about cheaters can never be trusted, but she sounds far more serious than any I've seen. I am (for once) glad to hear that you are going to try therapy. You deserve happiness, so if you 2 can work it out and be happy that's awesome. If therapy helps you see that you'll never be happy together again, then you won't waste any more time. Good luck to OP. >**OP:** > As far as I know, only one of the girls, besides my wife, was in a serious relationship. > >She mentioned him hitting on all the girls in the group and was constantly trying to pick up women at clubs and bars they all went to. > >Besides that, I don't know much else. I'm not exactly keen on knowing the details of this guy's sex life. &nbsp; **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITAH for keeping my wife on a short leash after she cheated on me?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17osgqg/aitah_for_keeping_my_wife_on_a_short_leash_after/

17ovai8

**I am not The OOP, OOP is aitadnd** **WIBTA for asking my friends to pay me for DMing?** **Originally posted to AmItheAsshole tumblr** **Thanks to u/PitaEnigma for suggesting this BoRU and Where-I- Went for help with the acronyms** **ACRONYM GUIDE:** **Actual Play Series** **D20 = Dimension 20** **CR = Critical Role** **NADDPOD = Not Another DnD Podcast** **MM = Monsters Manual** **DM = Dungen Master** **PHB = Player's Handbook** [Original Post](https://www.tumblr.com/aitadnd/732582216825176064/wibta-for-asking-my-friends-to-pay-me-for)  **Oct 30, 2023** Maybe a weird situation but hear me out. I (22F) really really love DND. I listen to shows like NAADNDP and CR and D20. I’ve played in a lot of online oneshots and tried finding a local group to play with but haven’t been very successful because between classes and work I’m always too busy. A couple days ago in a discord movie night with my friends (all early 20s) we watched the DND movie, and my friends were super into it and kept asking me stuff like “Is this from the game? Can you really do that in the game? Was that a good dice roll?”, just being really into it. Later one of them asked if I would maybe DM for them. I was SUPER excited as I’ve always wanted my friends to play DND with me but never pushed cause they didn’t seem too interested. I said yes without a moment’s hesitation and started planning. But in the middle of planning I realized how much I really needed to buy. I’ve never actually done DND in person. At the very least I need a dice set, plenty of paper, something to use for maps, something to use as a screen- even if I forgo minis and the books and the modules and all that expensive stuff. Not to mention I would need to take time off work, because right now I’m going to classes 5 days a week and working 6 days a week and that 7th day is for staying at home in bed recovering only. So I was wondering: would it be considered a dick move if I were to ask my friends to give me a bit of cash in return for DMing? Obviously not enough to replace the lost income from work, but maybe like $20 each (from 5 people)? Or maybe ask them to help buy some of the materials I need? I’m afraid to ask and scare them off the idea of playing, because I wanna play soooo bad, but also I am very much broke and might be putting myself in a bind if I try to do this all by myself. am-i-the-asshole-official answered: AITA? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** NTA33.4% ##**UPDATE** * Hey all! I submitted this a while back and realized I worded some things poorly, so I thought I could clear a few things up. I am not at all new to online DND, it's just in person DND I've never done before! Like I said before, I've played in a lot of online oneshots (I think about 12 or 13 now). I spend a lot of time on DND forums and subreddits and respond to ads looking for players, so I'm quite familiar with things like Roll20 and 5etools and tabletop simulator. It's just that I can be quite shy, and while I had a lot of fun in these games, I didn't make lifelong friends, ya know? We had a discord night the day I was asked to DM and I brought up the possibility of doing it online, but my friends seemed keen to do it in person and I really want that too. We don't see each other often since we're all busy, so we want to use this as an excuse to all get together and hang out! We've already decided to shoot for the 28th as the day to hang out together all day and play (time off work has already been acquired from all parties except 1, who may have to drop out). That night they also did ask me what materials they should bring and I (literally buzzing from excitement at the idea of getting to play with them) said maybe a bit too quickly "Oh don't worry, I'll take care of all of it!" Sooo, yeah. That part. Might be my bad 😅I HAVE kind of backtracked on that a bit since then. I mentioned something like "well actually it would help a lot to have something to take notes, and maybe bring your own dice?" and they weren't upset at all, just amused. I also talked to them about maybe running a module, but they know I'm a huge DND nerd and that I have been making my own homebrew setting, just for myself, for years. I sometimes gush about it in our discord server and before they were just like "that sounds great sweetie," but now they say they want to play in that world! Which is. And I cannot stress this enough. STILL making me die of happiness to this day. I have the best friends in the world. <3333 And yes, it means more prep work for me, but DND is what I use to unwind and relax! Building this world has been the thing I look forward to most in my day, and now building it for THEM? Even better. And on to "why $100"? Honestly it's a ballpark number, and one I'm not at all married to. I'd happily pay for all the prep myself! It's just if I'm solely footing the bill prep time might take longer for what I want to do. And I DO plan on using online PDFs or 5etools for stuff like the DM's guide, or monster manual. But I want to at least have a physical copy of the Player's Handbook for them to share, and maybe a couple sets of spare dice because if I know my friends at least one of them will forget their dice. And the PHB alone can be like 50$ if I can't find one used (which I'm currently doing. I've been to a used book store and game store so far, and I'm willing to keep looking.) As for stuff like maps? I know I don't need them, and I've played plenty of theater of the mind games before. But I know at least a couple of my friends are more visual learners, and I'm an okay artist, while a couple of my friends are art majors and FANTASTIC artists. My plan is to get some construction paper and draw some maps I can reuse, like generic forest, generic tavern, generic city street- and get those laminated so we can draw on them with markers. And maybe if we end up playing more than once I can recruit my more artistically inclined friends' help in drawing more maps. I've also DIYed a DM's screen out of old cardboard and duct tape, and one of those artistically inclined friends offered to bring her paints over and paint all our characters on it (They've been private messaging me on discord with character ideas and I love them for it). I think that's about it! TL;DR: I have experience with online DND, but me and my friends want to play in person. We've already started planning for it. the 100$ was just a ballpark number and I haven't asked for money from any of them yet, and idk if I'm going to. If I DID ask for money it would go to things like a single PHB to share, spare dice, construction paper, laminating said construction paper, markers, etc. I know I don't need all the fancy schmancy books and minis and add ons, and wouldn't give WOTC that much money anyway. My friends and I are very very excited to play!!! :) ##**UPDATE 2** * Hey again! Thought I'd give one more update in case anyone was curious. We're now post session and **TL;DR it went great. Different than I imagined, but way better.** I did end up asking my friends to keep a look out for a PHB (I know you can get them online, but I really wanted to support local game stores before I turned to that). One friend found a copy in a used bookstore along with a Monster Manual and DM guide, and the 4 of them that were gonna play all chipped in to get all 3. (I did not ask them to. I specifically told them I would handle the DM stuff, but they wanted to get me the DM guide and wanted to pick monsters from the MM to maybe fight one day). I also ended up making one big map on a huge piece of construction paper (about 24x36) and got it laminated. The map was of a city square with festival stalls. Saturday we all gathered at one of our houses and I started walking them through character creation. What dice to roll, what ability scores were, what class and background to pick, the whole thing. 3 of the 4 really got into it, but 1 (we'll call her Freya) was kind of overwhelmed by it and asked if she could sit out on this session and just watch, and she'd either get into it and join next time or she wouldn't, and that would be fine too. At the end of character creation we had: Hodgepodge B'Gosh, bugbear druid (with a pet hedgehog named Sunny). Nyrin Tress, half elf rogue. And Torpor, black Dragonborn Warlock. I told them we'd just play around with these characters first and if they like playing we'll develop backstories later. None of their characters started out knowing each other and I didn't want them to get bored while I played with each one of them one on one, so I would play with each person individually while the other 2 hung out with Freya watching movies or playing video games. I started them all in a big city during a festival, but their characters were broke. So they had to find odd jobs around the festival to make enough money to afford a room at an inn (the money was physically represented by pieces of candy, bc Halloween). Hodgepodge was hired muscle for a merchant for a while, but then took offense at some dog races and released all the dogs and had to steal some clothes off a clothing line to disguise himself from the guards. Nyrin just pick pocketed people. Torpor got roped into a children's play as the dragon a knight had to defeat. At one point Freya had the players not with me playing Mario Kart with her, saying they were carriage races. Then she went and got a deck of cards and pretended to be someone running a gambling table at the festival. Nyrin's player even texted me asking "would it count if I stole some candy from her?", and I said "if you can do it without her noticing I'll count it as a successful sleight of hand check. If she catches you you're going in the pillory." (Freya didn't catch her) Then I had them all come to the table at once as the festival was attacked by bandits, and they had to work together to defeat them. They did, and were announced saviors of the city. And that was the whole session! There were a lot more shenanigans that happened, and Freya came and watched at times, and the one friend who had to drop out because of work came home towards the end and watched too, and everyone had a lot of fun. Freya is an amazing artist and took my makeshift DM screen to paint Hodgepodge, Nyrin, and Torpor on it. She also said that while being a player still kind of scared her, she liked the sound of DMing. I said we could co-DM next time, and she said she would really like to try. The friend who missed out lamented that he didn't get to play and wants to join in next time. We're shooting to play again the week before Thanksgiving! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

WIBTA for asking my friends to pay me for DMing?

EXTERNAL

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ovai8/wibta_for_asking_my_friends_to_pay_me_for_dming/

17ovb65

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/RetroStripesGirl **AITA for expecting equal treatment for my kids?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional and verbal abuse, controlling behavior, mentions of a stroke, neglect and child favoritism!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/3YtsfUEal5)  **Oct 23, 2022** My MIL lives less than 10 minutes down the road from me. At first I was so happy. She and my eldest son had a great bond. She would have him over to spend the night once every few months. I had twin newborns at home, once they got older she would take one kid at a time to do activities about once a month or so. I thought she was doing what she could to help me. I was grateful. Then my SIL had a baby. My kids only exist on holidays now. All of a sudden my MIL is over at my SIL's house cleaning, gardening, babysitting if her daughter wants to do literally anything. She's cooking for them, bringing them treats and inviting them over to have pizza and movie nights. My SIL works, I'm a stay at home homeschooling mom and I run a small business. I watched my Nephew and then Niece once she was born from said SIL during the shift overlap of my SIL and BIL. (Until I asked to get paid, then I was 'fired'.) My MIL started to get Thursdays off at her work, so she invited my SIL over from the moment she wakes up to spend the whole day over there as free babysitting, she gets to nap, and she gets to eat lunch and dinner there and gets a lunch packed for her night shift job. They call it Grandma Day. After four years my now four kids are wondering why only their cousins get Grandma Day. My husband and I talked, it really bothers him that his mother treats his sister like a princess, but treats him like he only exists if he can do something for her. We agree to give her one last chance and to spread it all out for her to see our side. (We've tried before, but she always changes the conversation) We tell her about the kid's asking about having a Grandma Day. She looks aghast. Says she has no more time to give. I said I'm not asking for an additional day, but that my kids love her and we could go every other week and take turns. She shuts me down right away. Says she's probably not going to do Grandma Day anyway as she's getting too busy. (This was Easter, not one Grandma Day has been missed except for vacation, which she went with them on to babysit) She was disgusted I asked, but I don't think it's fair to my kids. I'm not asking even half of what she's freely offering to my SIL. I feel like she's punishing me and my kids for me being a stay at home mom. My choice, my consequence. But my sister in law works. Shouldn't that be her choice her consequence? Now they (My MIL, her two daughters and my BIL) are all treating us like we were the AH for asking. [Update - 1 year later](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/R9LloPY52b)  **Oct 10, 2023** Wow, it's been a while, and SO MUCH has happened. I'll try to give it a quick breakdown. 1, I stopped posting hardly anything on Social Media because my SIL's would text or call my husband within a day of my posting reading into things saying I was trashing his mother/them. I wasn't, I couldn't even post about what we did as a family on the weekends. They knew my husband doesn't have Social Media and it felt like they were trying to turn him against me. Sorry guys, didn't work. 2, I was so stressed out my Dr believes it caused me to have a small stroke last year when their lies were at a peak. (I'm okay now, but it was scary at the time) 3, Even though we knew it would be hard, when my Husband's sister flew in from out of state we spent a significant amount of time with his family so the kids could see their Aunt. My Therapist gave me several coping mechanisms to deal with them, mainly Gray Rocking. Which helped a lot. I was treated fairly nice by MIL starting a few days before my SIL flew in. She was on her best behavior, I'm guessing so that I would keep my mouth shut during the visit? (My children had only seen her at most three times since the Easter conversation. No apology, no attempt to share "Grandma Day" with my children) 4, The visit was awful. My local SIL was so completely rude and unkind. The last day when I got home I got the kids doing something and I made it to my room and I broke down and cried. My husband, who had to work 3rd shift this whole time woke up and comforted me. He didn't want to even go and say his goodbyes to his SIL that night because of their collective behavior, but I told him that it was just one more piece of ammunition they would use against us, so we went. 5, About a month later I wrote an unrelated caption on a picture about how healing hurts. Nothing personal just how when you grow you see things a bit clearer and how it can hurt, but that it's worth it in the end. My Husband's sister who lives far away started texting him and I the next day about how that's a slam to their mother. (I had never once ever said anything bad about my MIL to Anyone Ever. The most I ever did was post anonymously here on Reddit, or talk to my husband. So guilty consciences read into it.) My husband brought up how he agreed with my post, and that he felt the same way. She went nuclear. That conversation ended their relationship. In this time they saw my Reddit page because I wasn't hiding anything and wanted her to know our side, seeing as she had only had heard one side. She still took MIL and SIL's side. Baffling, I know. 6, Thanksgiving is Canceled, lol! My husband gets a text from his Mom that she was canceling Thanksgiving. He called her bluff and said she didn't have to "cancel" just to hide the fact that she would still have her golden child and her family over. We just wouldn't come. (We had a small family Thanksgiving, and our 14yo said it was his favorite Thanksgiving ever) We didn't attend Christmas either. 7, The smoke settles. Unbeknownst to me, my husband had gotten an opportunity to apply to a new job within the same company he works for. He had gotten several before, but he says this one just felt different. He comes home and rocks my world. This job comes with moving several states away. Never once did I ever see him moving out of State, ever. This is the man that bought a plow truck just so he could plow his Mom and Sister's driveways. This is the man who would let his BIL work on his sisters truck in his garage and park outside for up to a week all because they never ordered the part they knew they needed before they stated taking it apart. This is the man who chopped wood every single year for them, but we never had a wood burning stove. 8, He applied and got a great offer. We decided that we needed to visit the area before we made the decision. On our way out their his sister called screaming and yelling at him about moving. (She's a bit controlling if you haven't picked that up by now. And she saw him slipping through her fingers.) The kids were in the vehicle with us and could hear everything, even though it wasn't on speakerphone and we were driving a loud diesel. My husband ended the call. 9, We loved the area. The kids said they didn't even want to go back "Home". My husband and I talked extensively about the pros and cons, never once did my in laws enter the equation. In the end I told him that it was his decision and that I would make it work no matter what he felt was right. He accepted, and we went home. 10, My husband told his mother the day after we got home. (She already knew from SIL, but he had to officially her her himself) Told her we had several months to get our house ready to sell and that he would like for her to visit us out there. She said okay. Over the next few months she stopped over like three times for a few minutes at a time, because she was driving by and saw us out there. She dropped off our Christmas presents so that we could take them with us. Proving to my husband that she has never had any intention on ever coming to see and support him. 11, I am banned from SIL's house because this is all my fault. She then invited my whole household to my niece's birthday party except for me. This is the Niece (and nephew)I used to watch for free for three years until I asked to be paid and then was 'fired' (story on my page) My husband put the invitation on the fridge so that our kids could see how petty their Aunt was being. She had the audacity to text him for an RSVP and he told her that if I wasn't invited, then none of us were invited. 12, We list our house. SIL is pissed that at the price husband informs me, thinking it's way too high. We sell it for even more, lol! 13, We have a going away party. MIL and SIL show up just to save face. It was so comical seeing them try to pretend they know anything about what we've been doing, or what our plans are. People noticed and commented. The kids gave them quick hugs when they left. No tears were shed. My MIL has the audacity to hug my husband and say "You know I don't play favorites" as her goodbye. 14, We move several states away and are SO Happy! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for expecting equal treatment for my kids?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ovb65/aita_for_expecting_equal_treatment_for_my_kids/

17pjnn5

**I am not The OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: ** u/Physical_Building_90 & u/Physical_Building_91 **Lodger refuses to leave. They have drawn up a fake rental contract saying they have a right to stay in my home for a year. Help me please.** **Originally posted to** r/HousingUK **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!verbal abuse, property theft and destruction, fraud, squatting, attempted animal abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/HousingUK/s/LEd6V1K9xk)  **March 18, 2023** **Posted as** u/Physical_Building_90 I took in a lodger 4 months ago on a rolling month-to-month contract to help with cost of living. They have begun treating me like a slave, so I put my foot down and told them they have 6 weeks to move out. He has stated that this will not be happening, and sent a message to the WhatsApp group of a fake contract he has made that has "my signature" on it. He has told me that any attempt to move him out will mean trouble for me, but he hasn't put this in writing. So far my wife's ashes have gone missing, only for him to announce that he "found the urn" and it would be "a shame if it got lost permenantly." I really need help. **RELEVANT COMMENTS:** **vitryolic** >He’s blackmailing you, and has tried to defraud you, call the police on them and have them removed immediately. For lodgers all you have to give them is reasonable notice, often this is a minimum of 24hrs-1 week but if there’s a threat to yours or your property’s safety, you can change the locks and ask them to leave immediately. It’ll be easier to do this with the police being there obviously, so you might want to save this until they come to question your lodger about the thefts/fraud etc. **OOP replied** >>Thank you. I'll file a report while I'm out walking my dog. >>He deliberately left some dark chocolate on a kitchen counter this afternoon and said "Opps, maybe I wouldn't be some clumsy if I didn't have you threatening to evict me." >>My dog is a reknowned counter surfer! * **Worth-Bus-9619** >I would be putting his stuff out and changing the locks pronto. What an evil person. **OOP replied** >>I know. I was charging £350 a month, basically to cover my wife's share of the mortgage. >>He was fine at the start, just grew worse and worse. >>"The heating stays at 24 degrees. I said it fucking stays at 24!" >>"You're out of milk. Get some on your lunchbreak." >>"You need to clean the fucking bathroom." >>"My dog needs a walk." **MoonshotMusk** >>>Are you trying to avoid confrontation or is he a big guy or giving of serial killer vibes? >>>Sorry to hear about your wife. But you don't deserve to be treated like that. Put your foot down **OOP replied** >>>>He's massive. Six foot six easily, and built like a brick house. >>>>Doesn't help that I'm an East Asian male and we are... not so big. Haha! * **AdmiralSkeret** >Phone the Police. Explain the situation. They'll be able to tell the whatsapp is fake and make him hand over the ashes. **OOP replied** >>I have the ashes! I took them and my wife's jewelry etc. and gave them to a neighbor I trust. [Update: Lodger refused to leave. Police refused to engage in a "civil matter", and I was made homeless](https://www.reddit.com/r/HousingUK/s/eiXEHZdjKl)  **Apr 1, 2023** **Posted as** u/Physical_Building_91 Can't log into my previous account, but wanted to give an update. I took the advice from /r/LegalAdvice and attempted to do the following: *"In this order.* 1. *Police report and pull together what information you have and give the police the date and time you will be having this Individual leave.* 2. *Immediate notice is reasonable in this scenario you do not need six weeks more.* 3. *Give the updated notice in writing for him to immediately quit the property and have a witness present when you deliver it. I would truly recommend having a few family or friends there as witnesses not just one person. Whilst his items are being removed also ensure everybody remains with you. If he refuses the notice and/or threatens you (as you will have witnesses, make sure one of them has their phone recording throughout if they can safely do so) call the police.* 4. *Pre-arrange for the date a lock smith to come whilst your witnesses are there and do a full lock change so you can bolt the door once he has gone.* 5. *You may wish to pop in some nest or similar cameras on the entrance etc in addition.* 6. *You may also want a family member to stay a few nights afterwards just so you aren’t alone if he comes back."* I went to the police station on the evening of my first post. I explained what was going on - that I had a lodger who was refusing to leave, and pretending that he was an actual tenant. Police agreed to return with me that evening for the eviction, but I had to wait close to 4 hours in the station. Whenever the officers arrived at my house the lodger opened the front door and spoke with the officers. He presented them with the fake contract, stating that he was renting this place, that I was the landlord, and that I was attempting an illegal eviction. At this point the police informed me that they didn't have enough evidence to make a decision on what amounted to a civil matter. I tried to enter my property, the lodger stopped me and said I was trespassing as a landlord legally has to give 24 hours notice if they wish to enter. The police sided with the lodger and informed me I would have to find alternative accommodation. I ended up having to stay in a dog-friendly BnB for a full week while I spoke with my homeowners insurance and my bank. I also tried to escalate with the police, but they refused to get involved in a civil matter. Upon returning to my property after a couple of days I discovered my keys no longer work, so it appears the lodger has changed the locks. I'm now living for free with a friend from my church while my home insurance is working with a solicitor (and hopefully my bank) to apply more pressure to the police to take action against the lodger. Not a happy situation at present, I'm afraid. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/HousingUK/s/LLfHBCYqUk)  **July 20, 2023** **Posted as** u/Physical_Building_91 I have not been able to update earlier. Lodger has engaged in several dubious practices which makes it hard for eviction to continue. This includes: *  providing a fake name to me originally. So eviction documents were served on him with wrong name; * getting court hearing delayed by feigning illness; * Taking on his own lodgers/subtenants - a woman and young girl and signing them up for a 1 year rental contract in my home. My insurance company and solicitor work on this matter. Not easy. Not going well. Thank you to local Chinese community and kind local people as well for their support. The end is in sight and I will soon be back in my home. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Lodger refuses to leave. They have drawn up a fake rental contract saying they have a right to stay in my home for a year. Help me please.

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17pjnn5/lodger_refuses_to_leave_they_have_drawn_up_a_fake/

17pjsqk

**I am not The OOP! OOP is u/ThrowRA-Pale** **"I just found out (25f) my fiancé (27m) of I’ve been with for 5 years was a monster in high school"** **Originally posted to r/relationship_advice** **TRIGGER WARNINGS:** >!misogyny, homophobia, sexual and physical abuse, animal abuse!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!OP is safe!< ----- **[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17jw1ns/i_just_found_out_25f_my_fianc%C3%A9_27m_of_ive_been/)** ***- Posted October 30th, 2023 (has since been removed, but the comments are intact)*** I’m gonna type this fast excuse the grammar he’s back for lunch and I don’t know him to know anything yet Ok guys so I (25f) met my fiancé (27m) 5 years ago I thought he was Perfect he’s handsome,kind,funny and has a stable job (cop) He’s treated me so well since we met he stopped me down for speeding and ended up with my number everything was going so looking back now I should have seen the red flags like his family and old friends joking about his temper and his high school bad boy days and now I’m questioning did my cat really run away or did he make him I’m babbling so here what happened we had an engagement party in his home town a few days ago and I got a Facebook message now long after warning me about my fiancé saying he was this monster in high school so I thought lol this is someone trolling but than as the day went on 5 more people messaged me one being his cousin I asked his cousin for proof because in my native dumb head I thought this was a joke because my fiancé is an amazing person he is a cop for god sake and his cousin told me give him a few hours Well about two hours ago my world turned upside down I was added to a group chat with multiple with a lot of proof I’ve seen videos, heard stories and seen screen shots even a memorial page of one of his victims(suicide at 16) Guys this was horror movie level shit from threats, assault both physically/sexual lots of misogyny and homophobia even one of him harming persons dog while the kid screamed as my fiancé laughed he looked about 18 in the video The stories I heard both broke my heart and scared me and I don’t know what to do maybe he has changed? Should I confront him? should I give him a chance to tell his side? Ok so i’ll give more information now I’m alone I spoke to his cousin and i asked why didn’t they ever do anything since they have videos he said “you haven’t thought we tried years ago? Life isn’t a fairy tail the bad guy doesn’t always face justice, your future in laws and fiancé made sure everything always went away” and i than asked Why now tell me he was honest they (him and other victims) wanted to warn me out of both concern but mostly revenge because how dare he have a happy life after what he did to them which fair I asked did he know if my fiancé ever do anything like anger management or therapy after high school he said he did and I asked does he think my fiancé changed he said while he isn’t like his high school self anymore people like him never truly change. I asked him if I decided to leave would he help me he said he would but we would need to make a plan that can’t lead back to him for his safety **Update - Same Post (October 30th, 2023)** Ok I’ll answer some things that y’all keep being up I can’t 100% say he unalived my cat because my cat liked to escape and wonder the neighbour hood, people keep asking me why I didn’t see any red flags in 5 years I didn’t notice them at the time As for how we got together people keep pointing out that was a red flag well look I’m gonna be real here at the time I thought I was hot stuff because I talked my way out of a ticket and he is really handsome so I thought in my naive head it would be a cute story to tell our grandkids one day I’m from a country were people don’t fear cops like they do in America Guys he knows about the post he just sent me this and said he we need to talk *Relevant Comments* > You're surprised a cop was a bad person in high school? I’m not an American i moved here with my family a few years before I met him our police are chill they don’t even carry like I’d be more afraid of my mother as a teen than a Garda *(OP goes on to confirm that she is from Ireland)* > Can you go to be with [your family]? Do you have friends? I highly doubt he changed unless he has gone through SERIOUS psychological treatment. This is something worth being scared about. Confronting him might be dangerous. My parents are currently in Ireland for a wedding my older brother is 700 miles away and I’ve friends here but they’re his friends and their partners **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17jw1ns/i_just_found_out_25f_my_fianc%C3%A9_27m_of_ive_been/k76cmgl/?context=3), October 31st, 2023** I’m ok my legs hurt from running but I’m at safe place with a trusted person and I’ve talked to my fiancé by phone I’ll update later on our conversation and his side because as of now I don’t want to give out much information that leads to my whereabouts but I will tell everyone how he found the post i was too stupid not to change details so someone we knew reconsidered it and sent him the post,I also found my passport which in my panic I forgot I moved when I was reorganised a few weeks ago and he also admitted to giving my cat to a coworker which until I see proof I don’t believe it there’s other stuff *Relevant Comments* > I wonder if, when he is at work, your friends or relatives can take the car, bring it to mechanic and check for tracker. Then drive it on rural roads for half an hour, just to make sure he is not following the car and bring it to you. I’m going to Ireland for a while I’ve no use for it for now > OP, how is your finacé behaving towards you after finding out? is he verbally abusive or not? He was begging me to come back but sounded like he was holding back anger when asking about his cousin he also said not listen to anyone on here because if I didn’t mention his job your advice would be different **Marking this as concluded as OP hasn't updated in about a week and seems to be safe, if not necessarily in a good place.**

I just found out (25f) my fiancé (27m) of I’ve been with for 5 years was a monster in high school

ONGOING

insert_title_here

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17pjsqk/i_just_found_out_25f_my_fiancé_27m_of_ive_been/

17plwha

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/HotWolverine7330](https://www.reddit.com/user/HotWolverine7330/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17im1of/aita_for_kicking_my_son_and_his_gf_out/)**: October 28, 2023** This situation has had me a bit confused so one of my neighbours suggested I post it here. I 55f have two children George 31m and Gabrielle 29f. Gabrielle recently got engaged and I am helping her plan the wedding in my spare time. Which the entire family is very excited for. Except for George. George recently divorced his wife of 7 years, Susanna 28f after he said the "spark had gone out". They have a set of twins together, Amy and Alice 6f. And are trying to set up a healthy co parenting relationship. Susanna is a great mother to my grandkids and I was disappointed in George for giving up so fast on their relationship without even trying couples counselling. But it wasn't my business or place to say anything. The drama started when George brought his new girlfriend to dinner at my house. He met his girlfriend Bethany 25f through a work colleague and they have been dating for 4 months. At dinner Gabrielle and I were discussing flower arrangements and Bethany felt the need to ask George if he'd ever marry again. George coughed before replying that he'd have to think about it, which Bethany seemed to deflate at. Well this caused Alice to cry about how she wants "mommy and daddy to love each other again". George and Bethany just sat there while my granddaughter screamed. After I comforted Alice, I pulled George aside and asked if he was sure about Bethany. Which he told me was none of my business. I told him it was my business who he invited into my home and my grandchildren's lives, since I've been caring for them in my spare time while he works. (He and Susanna have 50/50 custody). George got angry and said it was Gabrielle's fault for mentioning weddings in the first place. I told him to stop acting like a child and to be happy for his sister. Then Bethany felt the need to insert herself and tell me that she and George were together no matter how much I liked his ex wife. After that I was done with the conversation and asked them both to leave. George and Bethany stormed off, flipped me the bird and left my grandchildren at my house at 7pm. I had to call Susanna to collect the children since they had school in the morning and I was attending a cake tasting with Gabrielle the next day. I feel like I shouldn't have to tell my 31 year old son to be happy for his sister or argue with a random woman whom I have never met before, in my own home. So AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *George needs to pay for daycare for awhile:* "The truth is George can't afford daycare with the child support and alimony he owes Susanna. I agreed to babysit my grandchildren as a favour to him." "I love my grandkids. But I wish George would appreciate the thousands of dollars I'm saving him each month." *Just quite watching them and he'll come crawling back:* "I would if I thought he could afford it. We might disagree but I don't want my son to be homeless." *Maybe they need to re-think the custody agreement if he can't care for them:* "If Susanna took on more custody then George would owe her more child support which he's already struggling to afford. Plus it would mean that Susanna would have to work part time hours which isn't really an option in her industry." *Alice needs counseling:* "My husband and I have suggested that George pay for her to get some counselling but he keeps saying that he needs to save and can't afford it." *What exactly were you asking when you asked if he was sure about Bethany?* "I was asking if it was really the right time to introduce her to the family, since his daughters are still sensitive about the divorce and are trying to come to terms with it." "I didn't ask him in the context of "is Bethany right for you". I meant it as in "are you sure this is the right time to introduce her". I didn't inherently dislike Bethany, but maybe it would have been better to introduce her to my grandkids after they've recovered from the divorce." *Did George ask if he could bring Bethany beforehand?* "George asked me if Bethany could come 20 minutes before he was supposed to arrive. So it's not like I could say no at that point." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): October 29, 2023 (Next Day)** I didn't expect this post to gain so much attention and I want to thank everyone who gave their honest opinions and helpful suggestions. This situation happened a few hours ago and I thought it right to make an update. Bethany came to my house to apologize for how she acted at dinner last week. She told me that she was 2 months pregnant and George had broken up with her after she told him. Because he "has too much responsibility" and didn't want to be in the baby's life. I then spent the better part of three hours talking with Bethany about the baby and what she wants. She says she wants to keep the baby even if George refuses to be in its life , and I told her that I would help with childcare if she needs it since she doesn't have any family that live nearby. Before I got angry with George I thought I would call him and give him a chance to explain. George was angry that Bethany had shown up at my house and insisted that it wasn't his baby. I told him that he should get a paternity test and he asked me for $500 to cover it since he's struggling. I told George that he needs to figure it out himself since he's about to be a father of three, and that he better step up and do right by his kids. George then hung up. Well two hours later I get a call from Susanna to say that George hadn't picked up the kids like he'd previously agreed to and could she drop them at my place because she had work. I agreed for her to drop Amy and Alice off and tried to call George again. I called 12 times and they all went to voice message. I don't know where George is and have called his place of employment to try to find out, however they refused to tell me anything. I've agreed to watch Amy and Alice until Wednesday and Susanna has reported this incident to CPS. I assume she plans to file for full custody and I can't blame her. Right now I'm worried that George has run off somewhere or done something irresponsible. I am disgusted and will not be doing him any favours in future unless he has a very good explanation and accepts some responsibility. This was hard to write but felt good to get off my chest. Thank you everyone for responding to my first post. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Heavily downvoted comment but I liked OOP's response:* Commenter: Hey, OP, you’re disappointed in your son for “giving up” on his marriage “so easily” and I’ll bet dollars to donuts that you and your DIL have been telling the twins that Mommy and Daddy are getting back together. I bet you asked your granddaughter to say something like that to “help Daddy realize that it would make everyone happy!” You need to butt out of your children’s personal lives get a damn hobby! OOP: "You owe me quite a few doughnuts then since you're dead wrong. I'll poke my nose in my sons business when he's being an irresponsible parent and not taking accountability for his children. Bethany is pregnant, it's his time to have the twins and he's nowhere to be found. It just proves to me I should have made his personal life even more of my business." *Alice caused drama and you exacerbated it by asking about Bethany:* "Alice is six years old, she hardly meant to "cause drama" as you put it. She's a **six** year old little girl who doesn't understand why her parents no longer live together. I never asked George if he was sure about Bethany in the context of "is she the one". I meant it in the context of is he sure he's making the right choice to introduce her to the family so soon. Since his own daughter clearly isn't ready to think of her dad marrying someone else yet. ​I don't care who George ends up dating but he has children to think about and my granddaughters need to come before any random woman he's been seeing for 4 months."

AITA for kicking my son and his gf out ?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17plwha/aita_for_kicking_my_son_and_his_gf_out/

17pmud3

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Black-sheep-B-Boy, **Originally posted to** r/entitledpeople, and his own profile **Parents made every single birthday about my sister for the last 8 years** **DISCLAIMER: Be wary of the triggers that might be missed** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, self-harm, body injury, attempted suicide, institutionalization, neglect of a minor, abuse of a minor via indulgence, mentions of life-threatening pregnancy, vandalism, biting!< [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Black-sheep-B-Boy/comments/17jsmyp/parents_made_every_single_birthday_about_my/) - **October 30, 2023** I'm reposting this because I cannot make my update without it. It has not been altered at all. Save for this caption, it's exactly as it was before being removed by the EP mods. I recently saw a similar story read online, and realized I just had to tell my own. This will be my one and only Reddit post. And I'm posting it because I thought telling it would help me feel a little better. I've been to some counseling, and talking about this in particular really helped. So I thought why not just tell it online too. So I am. I'm 18 this year. And fairly recently on my own from my parents. I have a sister about 10 years younger than me. She was an unplanned pregnancy, and nearly didn't make it to term. I don't know many of the details of how rough my mother's second pregnancy was since I was never told much. But I do know that it was so hard on her body that my mother could no longer have kids after my sister was born. She was in and out of the hospital repeatedly that year. My mother almost didn't survive the birth either. It made her and my father latch onto my little sister because she could have potentially never been born. And ever since then, I felt like I was just the other kid in the house. Except for when they needed me as a free babysitter. The level of favoritism my parents showed long term has me believing they were genuinely sick in the head for not noticing exactly what it was doing to me. And now it's rebounding on them, which I'll explain here. Starting with my 11th birthday, my parents wanted me to let my sister blow out my candles because she was 2 years old, and cried at the sight of a birthday cake that wasn't hers. I didn't want to do it. But my parents forced me into it. They relit the candles for me to do it again after her. But the moment felt completely ruined. The same thing happened the next year, and the year after that, and so on and so forth. They just kept forcing it until it became the norm. My sister had to have presents on my birthdays as well. I never got any on hers either. And when I asked why, they just told me that I'm a boy, and boys don't need to worry about it as much. I know I was a kid, but did they really think that was a smart thing to say? Not really... And my parents would always choose a place my sister would like to be at more than me on my own birthday. Eventually it became more like my sister was getting two birthdays a year, and I got none. Beyond this my parents made their entire lives revolve around my sister. If there's something I wanted to do, my sister had to want to do it too. Otherwise it was vetoed unless I could do it alone. I learned to just lock myself in my room with my video games because they didn't seem to bother me there. Unless my sister wanted to come running in to annoy me. Hence why I put a lock on the door. My parents wanted me to remove it. But I freaked out because I was an angry teenager who was tired of being intruded on at any given time. My sister came running in more than once when I had no clothes on. And my parents were upset at me for being naked, IN MY OWN ROOM! When I pointed out how ludicrous that was, they withdrew their objection and just let me keep the lock. My sister developed quite the princess complex because of how she was being spoiled on a daily basis. And she was very demanding. So I stayed away from her as much as I feasibly could. Whatever excuse I could use to not have to deal with her. Even if I had to make stuff up just to have time to myself. My parents hired a teen girl babysitter and I got more personal time. And then the babysitter quit because my sister wouldn't listen to her and my parents tried to keep from paying by saying she did a bad job. The girl got some other people involved and my parents finally paid her what they owed her. Then they hired another girl to babysit on the regular. And this one stayed. But my parents still made it clear that I was to be watching my sister any day I had free. Which I went out of my way to make busy at my part time job if I could. My sister treated me as her personal butler and ordered me around. She even had a stupid nickname for me she wouldn't stop using. Just hearing that nickname makes my blood boil! And if I didn't give her everything she wanted, she'd cry and call our parents. And then I'd be in trouble for "Mistreating her". We had many massive arguments because of this. And after I refused to yield anymore, my relationship with my parents devolved into barely any words spoken between us for some time. And yet, during my high school graduation they had the nerve to brag to other parents that they were the reason I worked so hard. Well they weren't wrong. But the reason they were thinking of was not the one that actually happened. I worked hard just biding my time for when I'd be free. But my parents acted like they'd done so much. Maybe they did before my sister was born. But afterwards it was all about her. They didn't even ask me about school until parent teacher conferences came up. I graduated with a B and C average. And after my graduation my parents just took me to some place where my sister would always have more fun than me, even though the trip was supposed to be for me. On my 18th birthday in July though, things really boiled to the surface. Even though it was my 18th, it didn't feel like it was about me at all. I hoped to god that we were going to my favorite restaurant for once. But no, they had the party at the local knock-off Chuck-E-Cheese. Which is the only place like it nearby to us. So it was the defacto celebratory destination whenever anything big was achieved. Including my high school graduation. I did say it was a place my sister would enjoy more than me. I was surrounded by kids half my age having parties. And I was so bored with nothing to do but eat mediocre pizza, and play claw machines and dated arcade games for tickets to cheaply made prizes that brought me no joy. Then when it was time for cake, my parents came out with one that was pink with white flowers on it. Sure it had my name on it. But it was very obviously not a boy's cake, and there was only ten candles. My parents lit the candles and set it right in front of my sister to blow out. That's when it finally happened. I just had this mental moment of all the pent-up hate mentally flashing before me, and then I just started ugly crying. I, an 18 year old boy was crying in front of the whole family. Everyone was so shocked that time seemed to just freeze. I got up and all of the stuff I'd been holding in for the past 8 years just spilled out like word vomit. The entire family got to be witness to this event. And when it was finally over, I just walked outside to sit by the family car. Several relatives trailed out after me to say they were sorry, and that they didn't know about the pink cake because my parents kept it covered till it was served. I said it didn't matter that they didn't know. They all sat back and watched as my life was taken over by little miss sunshine for the past 8 years. I had no real birthdays or celebrations of my own. They were all about her. And then, on the biggest birthday of my life, they all expected me to just smile and nod like always while they handed my sister a cake that was entirely meant for her when it wasn't even her birthday. Some of them started giving me apologies. But they made the excuse that all this time they just thought I was ok with it because my parents said I was. I told them I was never ok with it. And my parents forced it on me every year till I just pretended to accept it. I spread my arms out and said to look where we were. Does it look like the place I wanted to celebrate my graduation and 18th birthday. No one even tried to stick up for me all this time. I'm just the other kid while my sister gets everything. I didn't even get to have any of my friends there because my parents stopped letting me invite them long ago after they tried to voice their opinions over my sister getting to blow out my candles. There are 365 days a year, and was it so bad to want one that was about me and not her. Instead I'm treated like the greedy entitled brat for wanting my own birthday. Then I just went back to ugly crying. My father came outside by that point to yell at me for making such a huge scene. Because my mother was crying too, my sister was upset because I ruined her moment, and now everybody in there who saw thinks they're bad parents. I ended up yelling at him that they are bad parents, and he should know exactly why. Well after I said that, the rest of the family descended on him like a pack of wolves. Better late than never I suppose. But I'd never seen anything like it before. My father was practically backed right up to the restaurant front door. And then most of the crowd flooded back inside with him to have it out with my mother too. My grandparents stayed with me, and apologized for having their eyes shut so tight for so long. I don't know what was said to my parents in the restaurant. But it was roughly a half hour before they came back out. And when they did, they looked incredibly defeated. My mother was still sniffling after crying so hard, and neither of my parents could look me in the eyes. They both awkwardly apologized for what they did. And then offered to redo the party elsewhere. But that wasn't really enough for the crowd. One of my uncles "Ahemed!" rather loudly, and my parents said they'd never make me let my sister blow out my candles again, or give her presents on my birthday, or make any part of it about her. There was another "Ahem!" and my parents also apologized for getting a cake that was obviously not even meant for me. And that they just felt like I wasn't worried about cake anymore at my age. Oh boy was that the wrong thing to say. I became furious all over again, and yelled at them that my age was irrelevant. They'd literally given my birthday to my sister, and had no good reason as to why, and they knew it. Then I said there was no point in redoing the party because, IT'S TOO DAMN LATE! They clearly showed that I mean nothing to them! They ruined 8 years of my life till I became an adult! What future birthdays with them could I possibly look forward too!? Well my father started to get angry at me for saying that. But when the entire family yelled at him, he shut up. My grandfather told him I'm exactly right. And there is no possible way they can undo the damage done now. He said my parents were awful people, played favorites, and treated me like a black sheep ever since my sister was born. And what's more they were all awful themselves because they just let it happen too. And I'm owed far more than an apology. I was owed my life back. My mother broke down again and tried to come closer to me while crying my name and apologizing. But I refused to let her anywhere near me. And half the family body blocked her from getting close. I just said I couldn't take this anymore and started to walk away. One of my aunts chased me down and brought me back. I could hear multiple family members yelling and cussing at my parents over what happened. But I was so upset, I couldn't even feel happy for any bit of justice after all this time. Also, where was my sister when this was all going on? She was still in the restaurant all by herself eating cake and ripping open presents that were there for me. And if anyone was wondering, yes my parents served her some cake after I cried and walked out. You'd think doing that wouldn't be their primary focus in the moment. But they were called out on it later. My grandparents got me to calm down and sit in their old minivan while everyone else cleared out the party. My sister threw a huge tantrum after being caught opening my presents. One of which was a brand new smartphone that she threw against the wall and broke because she wasn't allowed to keep it. She literally just got a brand new phone on her own birthday a few months earlier. I ended up being so upset that I was ranting that I never wanted to celebrate my birthday again. And my grandparents let me stay the night over at their house. When I came home, I still didn't speak to my parents. My mother just kept crying because I wouldn't talk to her. And my father was as closed mouthed as me. The following weekend my grandparents convinced me to go with them out to dinner. And when we got there, I was surprised to find a whole new party waiting for me. My parents were there, and they kept up with having the "Don't hate us!" smiles on their faces almost the entire time. There was a big chocolate cake with 18 candles on it. And there was even a banner with my name. They called it my happy belated birthday graduation party because I didn't really get either this year. I did kind of have to pretend to be happy. One good party doesn't undo 8 years of favoritism. Or even make a dent in it really. And where was my sister? She was sitting at the table with her arms folded and her lip curled because it wasn't all about her like it used to be. And rather than sing Happy Birthday for me, they just sang an altered version called: Happy Day. Then as soon as I blew out the candles, my sister screamed. I mean an ear bleedingly loud little girl scream! My parents had to rush her out, and then bring her back in later looking more upset than ever. She quietly pouted in her seat for the rest of the party. I did still get a new smartphone as well. And my sister got hers taken away, among other things for what she did at the prior party. But the smartphone wasn't all. The whole family had chipped in and gotten me a car. It was just an old white Volvo. But I loved it the moment I laid eyes on it. My grandfather knows a thing or two about cars and fixed it up himself. I was so happy. But my sister clearly was not, because she let out another one of those screams. She started having a massive tantrum and demanding a car too. My mother had to take her into the bathroom and they didn't come back out for a while. My father just went back to looking defeated. My sister had effectively ruined their attempt at trying to look good in front of the whole family. Multiple family members also had strong words for my parents that my sister was acting that way because they raised her to be a princess spoiled brat. I obviously started driving the car around right away. But only days later my sister actually vandalized the car by taking a hammer and breaking two of the side windows and cracking the windshield to the point the car was undriveable. My parents managed to stop her before she did any more damage. But she screamed bloody murder when they grabbed her and took the hammer away, then tried to bite them. Oh everyone was furious with my sister. Especially my grandparents, because my grandfather had put so much work into that car, and my sister ruined it while having a massive tantrum. My grandparents had spoiled my sister so badly that she couldn't mentally comprehend that I could have something she couldn't. And several other family members laid into my parents about how they were setting my sister up for failure by making her an entitled brat that expects the world to be given to her. And she's going to have a terrible adult life because they won't put their feet down and teach her some respect. Well her actions didn't go unpunished. My sister was grounded for the rest of the summer, and effective of the new school year was sent to boarding school. My mother cried like a baby about it too. But my father had to be adamant that it was the only way to start undoing the damage they'd done. Yes they fully acknowledge they are at fault. It was kinda hard for them not to since no one sided with them at all. My sister is absolutely miserable at that school. She hates the clothes, she hates the rules, and she's been lying almost constantly. But with cameras almost everywhere now, she's not getting away with any of it. Our parents tried to visit her a few times, but she just screamed at them for putting her in that place. From what I hear, this may be her school life till she's 18 years old. My parents did pay to fix my car. They had an auto glass company replace the windows and windshield, and it looks just as it did before. In August my grandfather came to me and said if I was interested, he found me a job working for a friend. But it was 40 miles away. So I'd need to move out of my parents' house unless I wanted that commute. I was all for moving. Finding a first apartment wasn't so easy though. I had to get approved for a credit card just to get accepted for a studio. But I got it. And I have been living where I am now since September. My parents keep trying to contact me. But I rarely speak to them. Any time we do speak, I just feel awkward and uncomfortable. My grandfather has suggested that they simply don't want to acknowledge how badly they failed as parents, and trying to get me to forgive them will make them feel better about themselves, or something like that. But I'm not going to forgive. Not any time soon. I'm finally happy and away from them. Now they've got nothing. They don't have me, and they don't have my sister. And my parents had to take more hours at work because boarding school for my sister is not cheap. Nor can I imagine was the party they had to throw for me, or the repairs to my car. Empty house, angry relatives, and the only thing they have left is their work. Feels like incredible misery to me. And I don't take delight in it. But it is the result of their own actions after all. Edit, I'd like to thank everyone for all the awards I've gotten. It really means a lot to me. I know my post was long and a lot to read. But I just needed to get the whole thing out. And I feel a lot better after having done so. I noticed a few calling this post fake in the comments in various ways. I do not blame you. I'd be highly skeptical reading this and wondering the same things in your shoes. But I lived it. Some parents just really are like that. I've also been contacted by a few people who went through similar and even way worse situations. With all the bad parents out there, is it really all that unbelievable as to what mine did? Granted the whole family running back into the restaurant to have words with my parents did seem like a stretch. But I come from one of those close knit families where we stick together a lot and do things in groups. And it can very easily turn into an entire group against one person at gatherings. I've seen a drunk cousin be surrounded and then removed from the party to sober up in another room because he was being highly inappropriate. I'm not exactly a fan of group mentalities myself. But it ended up saving me because my parents were shamed beyond words for what they'd done. They couldn't even form a proper reason as to why they did what they did to me without sounding like even worse people. So they've basically surrendered saying they have no excuse and are heavily trying to get on my good side. And while a lot of you are praising my relatives for how they helped me, I'm pretty sure a lot of that help was out of shame. They were there for most of those 8 birthdays, save for 2 years because of Covid. But in those other 6, they didn't do anything. They had disapproving looks on their faces that my sister got to blow out my candles. But they just stayed quiet. Why? Well my dad is the son of the head of the family, my grandfather. And my grandfather is a fairly intimidating person. Be on his good side and he'd do whatever it takes to help you. Be on his bad side and the entire family hates you. A good reason why I don't like group mentalities. But once my grandfather basically said they were all at fault for not doing anything to help me for years, they all felt shamed. And they all chipped in for the cost of my car. With so many relatives, they didn't have to donate much each to afford it. I had the receipt for the car when I registered it in my name. They bought it for $2K, and then put more into it for some parts and tires. My grandfather personally gave it a tune-up and changed the fluids. My grandmother deep cleaned the interior. I'm extremely thankful to them all. But I still want to distance myself a bit. I need time to work things out on my own. And I probably won't see my parents again until Thanksgiving or Christmas. Some have also compared my sister to that character Eric Cartman from South Park. And it's a pretty close comparison. My sister is chubby because my parents fed her a lot of junk food. She hates eating anything healthy. I once saw her put gummybears on mashed potatoes. The thought of eating that combination turns my stomach. Her poor diet also made her spend long periods in the bathroom. My parents had to buy fiber snacks for her to eat just to remedy that. And I don't think they were cheap to get the ones that actually tasted good. My sister is also extremely bossy, and likes to think she's in charge. She ordered me around near constantly, which is why I often locked myself in my room to get away from her. She lost a lot of friends for being so bossy and controlling. And my parents would just tell her that the other kids were just jealous of how special she was. My sister even referred to herself as a princess often. And the epic tantrums she had when not getting her way do remind me of Eric Cartman. I know my sister isn't stupid either. She doesn't try very hard at all and had a C average in school. If she actually applied herself, she'd probably be a straight A student. Edit 2, It looks like I've been banned from this subreddit. Not sure what I did. But maybe I made the post too long. Either way I can't answer comments anymore. Sorry. But I do thank everyone here that gave me positive feedback from the bottom of my heart. Thank you all. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17jss8h/update_to_my_parents_giving_my_sister_my_birthday/) - **October 30, 2023** Warning: Mention of self harm, attempt on own life, fighting, bodily injury, and institutionalization. Read at own discretion. It's been what, a year now? I didn't log back in for a long time because I thought I was done here. But then one day I decided what the heck, and just popped back in again. Only to see numerous private messages asking for updates. So I'll give one. What I'm about to tell you is mostly pieced together from what my parents and grandparents told me. So if it sounds to crazy, just remember I'm basically retelling what I found out. Yes, I am doing fine. But the same cannot be said for my parents and little sister. My sister some time after my previous post attempted several things in order to get out of boarding school. After none of her lies and schemes got her anything, she tried to simply do nothing. But that didn't work out. Then she tried a hunger strike. She said she would refuse to eat anything unless our parents came and took her home. My mother nearly jumped in the car to go rescue her baaaby! But my father had to stand in her way, and remind her my sister's behavior was their fault. My sister's hunger strike didn't even last two days before she was demanding food in the cafeteria. She wasn't allowed sweets or snacks unless they were healthy. Especially since a pediatrician warned my parents that my sister Little Miss Sunshine was at risk of future diabetes and even possibly having her growth stunted unless she got her weight under control and ate foods with proper nutrients. As in, no more gummy bears on mashed potatoes. Of course my sister tried becoming a bully to the other girls in the boarding school. But they didn't take her crap. One day she picked a fight, and got beaten up pretty badly when she was set upon by multiple other girls at once. And as a crowd they kicked her until they were broken up by a teacher. My sister didn't suffer any serious injuries. But she was scraped and bruised all over. Yes she blamed everyone else but herself. And I heard she actually stated that the other girls should just do as she says. They did not. So she was shunned by them. I heard she had quite the tantrum over it. She'd gotten her way with everyone for so long that it was mentally inconceivable for her to not get what she wanted. My mother repeatedly snuck junkfood to my sister at the boarding school. And my sister got caught with it. My parents had a huge fight about it. But my mother didn't try to sneak her any more junkfood once the jig was up. My sister was and still desires to be a junk food addict. That's right, she's barely changed in the past year. Are any of you really surprised? I'm not. She's only slightly better in the fact she's somewhat more accepting she's not the center of the universe. Her schemes to get out of boarding school only escalated. After only a few months there, she resorted to self harm to try and get her way. She somehow got her hands on a knife in the cafeteria, and stood on a table threatening herself with it unless they gave her candy and sent her home. Yes, she didn't just demand to be sent home. She wanted candy too! I did say before that I'd seen her put gummy bears on mashed potatoes in my original post. Her favorite thing to put gummy bears on was on foods she didn't like. Because that's the only way that our parents could get her to eat it. Can you imagine gummy bears on salad? It kinda defeats the point of salad. But she regularly brought a bag of gummy bears to the table when we ate. I can't even look at gummy bears without remembering. Well my sister was brought what sweets they could scrounge up while they tried to talk her down. But at some point she slipped and fell off the table. The resulting fall broke her left arm, her clavicle, and she had a forehead concussion. At this point even the boarding school had enough of her, and didn't want her to return once out of hospital. In fact, her attempt at ending herself only landed her in a worse place. A mental ward for children. She's been forced into therapy, and diagnosed with a heavy case of narcissism she was raised into having. She cannot leave the ward unless my parents take her out. They've also forced her to continue her schooling from there, and keep to a very strict healthy diet. It could literally be described as her personal hell. My mother wanted to go to the ward and get her precious baaaby out. But she and my father got in a huge fight about it. And in that fight she hit him with the nearest thing she could grab. Which happened to be a bottle that was on the kitchen counter. The bottle broke on his face, cracked his cheekbone, and cut him up pretty badly. Police were called, and he had to be taken to the hospital while my mother had to be carted away in the back of a police car. My mother ended up getting psyche evaluated and committed for several months herself. And she was forced to confront her own fierce desires to enable my sister. Turns out it stems from serious mental traumas my mother had from her own chiildhood. But no one else knows or will tell me anything more than that. There was and still is talk of future divorce from my parents. But neither of them have gone any farther than sleeping in separate bedrooms so far. As for me. Well my 19th birthday wasn't that long ago. My grandparents threw me a party at a restaurant they know I like. My parents attended, and so did my sister. She was briefly allowed time out of the ward. And I could see the pure bitterness in her eyes. She sat there looking just like before. Lip curled and glaring at me like she wanted me to be on fire. She'd lost a fair bit of weight by then since she hadn't been allowed junk food for so long. And her diet plan is going to keep on for some time to come. In fact, the junk food from my birthday party was the first she'd had in a pretty long time. But she still couldn't stand not being the center of attention. This time when I blew out my candles, she did not scream. Instead she began ugly crying. I can tell you right now that this was just more of her manipulation. She was just crying and saying "WHY!?" over and over again. I know she's only 9. But remember, last year she was 8 and demanding a car of her own just because I was gifted one at 18. She can't even get a learner's permit till she's 15. At my 19th birthday my sister got on the floor to tantrum that there was no pizza, no gifts for her, no prizes, no nothing. Then she started cursing at our parents before trying to storm out of the restaurant. She was basically trying to copy what I did last year, in her own twisted way. You can say I'm thinking too hard about that. But I know my sister. And if she thinks doing something will get her way, she'll do it! My parents just apologized to everyone, and then took my sister home early. But not before my grandfather went over to speak to them. I got some details from my grandmother later. He told them that they better not take my sister to party elsewhere, or give her what she wants. Because this will never end if they don't stop for good. After that my sister was taken out kicking and screaming because she'd heard everything, and realized her tantrums didn't work. She was driven back to the ward the next morning. And that's where she is now. I have no idea how much longer she'll be there. She's just a kid, but the most stubborn one I've ever seen. She'll likely not change until she reaches her lowest point. And until then, she's gonna be stuck in a place that does no enabling of her demands. No one, not even my parents have attempted to put any blame on me for my sister's actions this past year. They've had to accept that I had zero fault in this, and they raised my sister to be a narcissist. And enabling a narcissist is also a form of addiction from what I've seen and heard. My sister has not been diagnosed with any sort of mental illnesses aside from narcissism. In fact she's smarter than me from what I've heard. She was tested having an I.Q. of around 110. She just doesn't like to apply herself unless there's some kind of reward in it for her. She was raised this way. And I'm guessing it'll take years to make her better. As for me. Well I'm doing well on my own. I admit, I had to learn to properly budget and take care of all my own necessities. It's not easy to adult. But it's still a thousand times better than the life I had living with my parents and sister. **Relevant Comments** **Commentator asks about sister’s IQ and mental illness:** > **OP:** I was told my sister's IQ was 110 by my father. And I tested lower than that as a kid. Doesn't really matter to me though. I've moved on with my life. > > Yes my sister may be as you describe. But I'm no expert in mental illness. I specified that what I told here was mostly what I heard from family. The only part I experienced first hand was her behavior at my 19th birthday. I'm likely kept in the dark about a lot. And I don't feel like pressing for more details. Though my father confided in me many times over the past year of my sister's behavior and actions. Like her getting beat up for trying to be a bully. He and I have been meeting occasionally for lunch ever since my mother was temporarily committed herself. > > I honestly don't like my sister at all, and will probably feel that way forever. It's not complete hate, as I know my parents made her what she is. But what big brother wants their sister to be committed in a ward for life? Either way I'll likely be very low contact with her for the foreseeable future, no matter how much better she may get. I was mentally scarred by her, and she probably still wants me to be a princess. &nbsp; [**Update #2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17ky6n1/got_some_better_information_on_little_miss/) - **October 31, 2023** To start things off. I'm an idiot. Some of you questioned my saying my sister is smarter than me, pointed out loopholes in my posts, and all of that. Well I had a D & C average in school. And math was my worst subject. It was pointed out I mistakenly repeatedly stated my sister's age wrong. I am at fault for that. I usually just tell people she's 10 years younger than me. And when talking about her, the numbers just often blurred together. I guess doing the math correctly on paper this time, I was technically 7 when my sister was born in June, and she first got to blow out my candles when she was 3. I am so bad at math.... And it doesn't help I tried to keep some details either vague or slightly wrong just to keep anonymous. But then in retrospect, this isn't exactly very anonymous because anyone in my family could read this and know it's me. I really screwed up. And from the moment my sister was born, everything was about her. This isn't just some lame jealous older brother stuff. My sister may not have gotten to blow out my candles till she was 3, but even before that she was also celebrated just as much on my own birthdays, in front of everyone. And I grew extremely resentful. Imagine the birthday boy sitting there while his mother just flaunts a baby in front of everyone because the gathering gave her an excuse to show off! I was basically ignored by my parents until it was time for cake. My grandparents made up the difference, so it wasn't such a bad memory at the time. They even told me it was slightly understandable because my sister had just been born a month prior, and my mother had such a hard time with the pregnancy. But then that's also how things went down my 9th birthday. And no one said or did anything about it. Then on my 10th birthday, my parents basically did the same thing, and flaunted all of my sister's baby accomplishments before anything really happened for me. And then some of my gifts were obvious toddler toys that were only enjoyed by my sister. I remember them being called "Extra" gifts. And even though my name was on them, they weren't for me. Again, no one in the family said or did anything about it. Then on my 11th birthday, that's when things became truly bad. There were gifts with my sister's name on them. And my parents insisted Little Miss Sunshine be allowed to blow out my candles. Everyone saw, and they all did nothing. And following this the birthday venues were always oriented towards my sister. And sometimes she was even allowed to "Help" me unwrap my presents too. It wasn't help. They just wanted me to placate her. Now multiply all of that to my 18th birthday, and you'll understand why I finally lost it on everyone back then. That's why I say my birthday was taken over for 8 years. But in reality, it was more like 10 years. My parents admitting fault really wasn't enough for me anymore after that. I try to act like I can forgive them. But I'm not sure I ever can. Someone else pointed out to me that you cannot be diagnosed as a narcissist until you're 18. I'm pretty ignorant about this sort of thing, and took my father's word for it. So I called my father this morning and spoke to him about it. He first asked me how I knew, and I just responded with Google. He sighed and admitted my sister was showing signs of possible future NPD, and some other things. But an official diagnosis can't be made yet. But there is also a strong possibility of a mental disorder my mother also apparently has, and they won't tell me what it is. My parents finally admitted my mother was diagnosed with both said disorder, and PTSD months ago. The PTSD triggered from some childhood traumas my mother will not disclose. Nor am I asking her to. Because whatever it is, it's pretty bad! When I asked my father why I was told such simplified details and white lies, he got angry and told me it's because my sister is their problem, and not mine. So he just thought I'd let it go if he told me that. Then he said they need to be the ones to worry about my sister. I just need to focus on my future and forget about having to deal with Little Miss Sunshine ever again. It's sadly one of the most logical things he's ever said to me. As for Little Miss Sunshine, there's no clear time frame on how long she will be in that ward. But I had another question for my father that someone else alerted me to here. And that is if my sister has ever spoken of wanting to kill me while there. The answer was kind of a middle ground. My sister did blame me. However, she blames our parents more. Her main beef with me was her belief that what's hers is hers, and what was mine should also be hers. She's even jealous I have my own apartment now. That led to other rage tantrums and demands wanting the same things I have. Therapy has subsided her rage bit by bit over time. Which is why she was allowed to be at my 19th birthday. But her behavior that day escalated all over again. Ever see a toddler say "Mine" to anything it sees? Well my sister has a Mine complex with my birthday. And that's 100% on my parents. My sister did and still does believe she is entitled to my birthday because it's been that way as long as she could remember. That's why she screamed last year. That's why she freaked out this year. In her mind, my birthday has always been hers. My parents have asked me to please leave the situation alone. And that my sister is going to need a lot of time to be treated. And there's no guarantee she'll ever get better. My mother's in therapy herself, and her own disorder is medicated now. And she is often lethargic from the medication. She somehow didn't lose her job when she was temporarily put in a ward herself after hitting my father with a bottle. Her boss is a very sympathetic person. And allowed my mother to work from home after getting back. Although it resulted in lower pay, and some kind of demotion. There is another detail I'd like to clarify that I did not mention in my last post. My birthday this year wasn't the actual date of my birth. Instead we celebrated the day of the belated party that was held for me last year. Which is fine with me, because the actual day of my birthday has been forever soured to me. I was born basically at the end of July. The belated birthday was held a week later in August. And that's the day I wish to celebrate from now on. Lastly, people keep asking how I am doing. I was doing fine, if not pretty decent. I admit it's been hard to adult. Paying my bills, learning to manage my finances, and all that. But I was fine. Then somehow my coming back to Reddit to talk about this has made me stressed and....what's the term? Mentally relapsing I guess? I'm not sure. I thought I was all good. But now I'm edgy and cynical all the time. My boss even sent me home early for the day because of it. They're well aware of my past. But I still feel terrible! Just having coffee this morning sent my heart pounding. I think I'm gonna have to search local support groups for free counseling or something. I am on a budget after all. But for the moment I'm just trying to relax and take my mind off life. I might end up stressed like this all over again if I return here someday. So I may not. I thank everyone who read my posts and understood my pain. You're good people. But I really need to get myself together and put my past behind me. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

Parents made every single birthday about my sister for the last 8 years

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17pmud3/parents_made_every_single_birthday_about_my/

17pmut1

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Path-Majestic **Originally posted to** r/amiwrong **Planned the office Halloween event and now I feel like absolute garbage** --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/17kkbmo/planned_the_office_halloween_event_and_now_i_feel/) - **October 31, 2023** I was recently hired in an assistant role at a law firm fresh out of college. In comparison to other people in the office (excluding the other assistants), I’m pretty young (22F). One of the partners put me in charge of the office Halloween party, so I’ve been planning everything for about two weeks. What I came up with was wearing costumes into the office, and an EOD party in the decorated “spooky” conference room where people in the office paint pumpkins as “treats”, select “mystery” coffee pods (different flavors) as “tricks”, and just eat sweet food together while streaming the Charlie Brown special. I got into the office early this morning to decorate the office, and the partner in question got annoyed when she came in and saw what I was doing. Even though I got approval from her, she was disappointed that this is what I went with, described it as “incredibly juvenile”, and said that I should have gone with something like costumes and going to an office happy hour. She’s now confirming with the other assistant in charge of the holiday Christmas party that it is an “adult affair” (expensive dinner outing) and it seems like I stressed everyone out and I just feel really embarrassed right now. These office morale activities are important and now I feel like I’m so deeply in the wrong and screwed everything up. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Ok-Control-787:** This is why I'm glad I didn't end up working in law lol. Yeah you probably should have been more direct with exactly what you were planning. Attorneys aren't going to be painting pumpkins during the workday at the office, because the psychopath partner they work for would see it as a juveniles waste of time. Sucks, but take it as a learning experience. I don't think it's going to kill your career or anything, unless you're really working for a psychopath, which to be fair is more common in the legal profession than most. >**OP:** >I’m just confused because I explained exactly what I was doing (because I needed to provide a budget breakdown) and got approval plus the assistants last year did a pumpkin painting event so I just feel really blindsided &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/17kynbc/update_planned_the_office_halloween_party_and_now/) - **October 31, 2023 (same day, almost 12 hours later)** Hey everyone! Thanks for all the encouragement and constructive criticism. To give a bit of context before the full update… 1. When I was tasked with planning the event, I did reach out to the girl who had this job before me (she’s now in law school) and she said that they did pumpkin carving last year so I pivoted to painting to change it up a bit and decrease on mess (I also added the mystery coffee pod and decorating the office as a fun little thing). 2. I did get the partner’s approval before planning the whole event because I had to budget everything out with a proposal. So she knew about it but she likely A) forgot about the thing until she saw me decorating or B) didn’t think I was serious. She was also upset because our “sister office” went out for drinks the day before and she wanted to impress our new partner (who was sick and couldn’t even attend) 3. For everyone who said that Charlie Brown was juvenile, I agree, but I was going to play the movie for the back half of the event (it was an hour) because it was mentioned to me that another partner was bringing their daughter (5F) who was visiting internationally, but my boss thought that I would have planned a happy hour afterwards or something (I didn’t do so) ANYWAYS. I went through with the party, and it all went really well! I ended up not buying any alcohol, and just went through with pumpkin painting over some Halloween music, candy and fresh-baked cookies and some warm apple cider. The people who partook in the mystery coffee pods liked their flavors for the most part (haha the “trick”). As for the event, not everyone in the office showed up (including my boss), but about 75% did (about three others were in costume) and they all had a decent time. 5F also had a good time decorating cookies and watching Charlie Brown while waiting for her dad. All in all, I think I’ll leave the adult party planning to my slightly older coworker (she’s the social butterfly of the office), but I’m just glad that today wasn’t a disaster! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

Planned the office Halloween event and now I feel like absolute garbage

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17pmut1/planned_the_office_halloween_event_and_now_i_feel/

17pmuzo

**I am not The OOP, OOP is aitahforsayingno** **AITAH for telling my wife no?** **Originally posted to the am-i-the-asshole-official tumblr page** **Thanks to u/PitaEnigma for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!infidelity, manipulation, gaslighting, abusive dishonesty!< [Original Post](https://www.tumblr.com/aitahforsayingno/732555424574914560/aitah-for-telling-my-wife-no-my-wife-35f-and-i.) **Oct 29, 2023** My wife (35f) and I (38m) have been married for 12 years, dated for 3 before that. We have 3 kids (10m, 7f, and 5f). We both work full time in separate fields, she does some chemistry thing that I don't understand and I am a manager at a computer repair store my friend runs, and also a short story writer when its slow. She is definitely the breadwinner bill payer between the two of us, but I bring in the fun money for our family and would be completely listless if I didn't at least work part time. We also fully own our home because of her job. Also, my parents watch the kids for us during the week when we are working. It's been this way since our son was born, and they've been doing it less since they are all in school. But it's free childcare, they refuse to accept money unless it's reimbursing for buying food. Ok, now that all of that backstory is set, here's where the problem begins. A couple of months ago my wife started pepper into conversations about a possible promotion coming up that would get her out of the lab and into a more "manage the lab team" position, with less dangerous hours for more pay. Ever since the first time she mentioned it I've been hyping her up and telling her she's a shoo in for the promotion, especially since she's been working there since her masters internship and now she has a PhD. Last night she told me she was getting word today if she got it! After she left for work this morning I called my boss up and told him I couldn't come in today, and then told my parents the kids were saying with me. We spent the day cleaning the house, drawing congratulations cards, and making a congratulations banner. We also made a couple cards that say sorry and we love you for if she didn't get it. I was working on making her favorite dinner (lobster rolls with lobster bisque, because she's a fancy lady) when she got home earlier than normal. Everyone was surprised, because noone is usually home at this time and yet here everyone was. She got tears in her eyes seeing everything we were still working on, got down and hugged our two youngest, and said she got the promotion! Cheering all around! And that's when she dropped the bomb, saying we need to get a realtor in a state three away from us so we can relocate within the next two months. I was stunned, and just said no, we arent moving for this promotion. In all of her talks she never mentioned that the promotion wasn't for the same location she's been at. All of our family is here, her parents and mine, all of our friends are here, my job is here. She insisted that she's mentioned relocating before but I swear she never did. That set of a completely new argument about never listening to her and only hearing what I want to hear, and how this will make it so I can stay home with the kids and not even need a fun money job. During this I noticed she was typing on her phone, and when I asked why she was multitasking an argument she said she was texting my parents to get the kids so they don't have to see this. When my parents got here they congratulated her on the promotion and asked how long until we move. She told my parents the promotion included relocation. I'm typing this on the couch in the basement, because I can't face her right now. My parents knowing means she probably did say we would need to move if she got it. I don't want to move, I like my job, and our house. I like being near my parents. I know this would practically set us for life but I don't want to. I know I'm being selfish, and I know I must not be listening when she talks, but I still don't think she should accept the promotion. I still think no. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** ##**UPDATE** * **Oct 31, 2023** Update:This has only been up for a few hours, but I wanted to get this in as soon as I could. It's been a little less than a month since I had sent this in so a lot has happened. I will front load with information people asked about. Formating is screwy because it's tumblr. Also sorry if it sounds fake, I wish it was. Info -I've been tested for ADD as a kid but did not get diagnosed, though I guess that would be something that can change as I age. I probably should get tested for ADHD considering she's told me her exact job many times and it refuses to stick in my brain. It's something to do with the environmental testing? Like, soil, water, ect? It's definitely not incredibly dangerous, but it involves chemicals so there always some danger. Info -There were many conversations in general about her possible promotion, mostly about upgrading cars and electronics. It was never really anything detailed beyond that. Info -I don't actually know why my parents never mentioned it? I should probably ask them at some point. Info -Our kids do have friends in school, though in these few weeks they never really talked about anything with me. It was like everyone was walking on eggshells where I was concerned. My son did say we needed a school with a good soccer team though, so he had some opinions after the argument. Info -When my parents got the kids she stormed up to our room and I went and hid in the basement. I was definitely being a coward, but I also wanted us both to calm down. I did feel silly asking tumblr about this, but I've been here since 2010. I was falling back on a previous safe haven. That next conversation did not happen, that next morning she was acting like I was perfectly fine with everything and we weren't arguing in the first place. It was weird, but after the argument in front of our kids and venting here, I had decided that I would support my wife. If my parents knew we were moving, I was clearly in the wrong. Update - This is of course when things started breaking down. Buckle up, this is going to get stupid. And if you think this sounds like a bad story, you try living it. Within days of the announcement we had a realtor looking at houses for us near what will be her new office. She was planning on being the one to do a final walk through after we picked a house via photos so she could multitasking and get acclimated at the new job location. It was her suggestion, and I did not want to rock the boat any further. Conversations between us were only about logistics at this point. How would we handle moving, when was my last day, where were the kids getting transferred too, ect. It was very stilted and any time I would try to just talk normally she would ignore me. The next time I had work one of her coworkers came in with her kids' busted laptop. The screen took some kind of sports ball to the face basically. As I was filling out the intake form she asked me how our kids were handling the transfer. When I asked her what she meant she clarified that she was talking about the transfer request my wife put in…To the office she said the promotion transferred her to. I told her that my wife didn't put in a transfer request, but instead was given a promotion with a transfer. She then told me my wife's had that promotion since January and recently put in a transfer request that was approved. The promotion that included a hefty pay raise. When she left I checked our bank account on my phone and saw that the same amount she's always been paid was still what she was getting. I believed the coworker must have been mistaken, but when I went home I spoke to my wife about it. She told me that the coworker was just jealous she had been passed over for the promotion and wanted to add to the drama in our house. That seemed to break the ice a bit and I was able to apologize to her for the misunderstanding and the argument. She told me she accepted the apology and that she assumed it was coming because of how helpful and attentive I had been. According to her I was paying more attention than normal and she appreciated it. She must have spoken with the coworker about this at some point because when she came to pick up the laptop a few days later she refused to speak with me past "hello" and "here's the bill" and was glaring the entire time. After that conversation things seemed to settle. I wasn't happy about the relocation, but I didn't want our family to break apart all because I wasn't paying as much attention as I should. This new attitude was the final nail. We had started organizing things, throwing away and donating things we didn't remember even having, ect, to prepare for the move. While I was going through a closet she normally hid the kids Christmas presents and I found a few old laptops. She claimed that she hides everyone's presents in that closet, and that I found her birthday present for me, just some things to tinker with while we settle. Not totally weird, but it was a little. She probably knows about as much about my work as I do about hers. I also found a few books that belonged to her mother. I figured that I could start to mend that bridge, her parents never liked me, and bring them the books. I did not tell my wife about this, but considering the level of dust on them I'm sure she forgot they were there. Her parents live a few hours away from us. Not even slightly as close as my parents, but they would still be states away after the move. I drove the entire way, no meeting halfway or anything. It was an awkward meeting, but her mom did appreciate me bringing the books to them. Apparently she thought she had lost them. We did some stilted small talk over a late lunch, and I asked how they felt about my wife's promotion and move. They seemed a little confused, and stuff was slowly unraveled. According to her mother she mentioned the promotion in January, when she got it. She had mentioned to her dad that we were saving the extra money "just in case" because of a business venture my boss and I were planning. According to her, we were going to try opening a location in the city we were moving to and I would be leading it. Her parents said they knew I'd had some failed investments and plans in the past, so they were honestly not hopeful this would go well, but they were glad she was able to transfer with her promotion to the other office. Guys, I had no idea what they were talking about. Investments or plans? I'd done the same job since college and I've never invested money a day in my life. I said as much, and then also told them I was going home to talk to wife. I don't really know how they reacted, I was basically in tunnel vision. Probably shouldn't have been driving. So much ran through my head during that drive home, and I was ready to confront her about everything. I guess her parents called while I was driving back and it tripped her up enough that she just told me everything. She was cheating on me, had been for years. Once she got the promotion in January she set up a second bank account and had them split the check between the two. Her boyfriend in the city we were moving to had access to the new account. He already owned a house, but he used some of the money to fix it up a bit and was just waiting for us to come, I guess to sweep her off her poor feet after my "business venture" failed. She didn't tell me about relocating on purpose, she's been poisoning her parents thoughts of me for years, and she's been lying to my parents and children. She also told the coworker that started this thread that I never listen to her and the "misunderstanding" was just another instance. She told me she never thought so many things would come undone at once. She's still planning on moving. Me and the kids aren't. TLDR: She's cheating on me and lied to litterally everyone. \#guys divorce is expensive wtf **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITAH for telling my wife no?

EXTERNAL

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17pmuzo/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_no/

17pmvlw

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Deadlift3d **35 [F4M] Florida Are you him?** **Originally posted to** r/ForeverAloneDating **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **Thanks to u/Whitebreadmayho for finding the final update** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneDating/s/Sy1FLQYWsK) July 13, 2023** So, this is a long shot, as I know I met my friend on either this sub, or two others. I just want to see if maybe he still frequents Reddit and he’ll see this. Hi Jorge, you’re a Marine and we met on Reddit two years ago. We were really good friends and I lost contact because I switched phone carriers, got a new phone, and it deleted all information I had, including my information on WhatsApp, which we talked on all the time when you were overseas. When I tried downloading the app, it deleted any and all of our conversations, and I couldn’t find you. I’m just hoping maybe you’ll see this and we can reconnect. I’m hoping you do see this, because I think about you a lot, and I wonder how you’re doing. Your friend, [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneDating/s/QB0ahABNZc) **Aug 5, 2023** Hi everyone. About a month back, I posted looking for my Marine friend, Jorge who lived in Miami, but was based in Texas, and we lost contact when he went overseas, and I changed my phone and service provider. Sadly, I have not found him. I had some wonderful people give me advice on maybe how to find him, but alas, I came up short. I even went as far as getting two years worth of bills from my former cell company, and going bill by bill, looking at thousands of phone numbers I had called to see if I could find his area code. I found 4, and messaged them all. Unfortunately, I did not get a reply from any of them. I want to thank the kind strangers who gave me advice and ideas on how to try to find him… I appreciate everything you all did, even though nothing came of it. I hope you all find your Jorge, even though I lost mine and will never find him again… I wish nothing but happiness for all of you. Thanks, S UPDATE TO THE UPDATE!!!!! ONE OF THE PHONE NUMBERS RESPONDED TO ME AND IT IS JORGE!!! I FOUND HIM! THANK YOU TO THE STRANGER WHO TOLD ME TO LOOK AT MY OLD BILLS TO FIND THE NUMBER!!!!!! [Update 2 wayback machine](https://web.archive.org/web/20230814163646/https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneDating/comments/15qyqag/35_f4m_are_you_him_a_final_update_for_those_of/) **Aug 14, 2023** There was a deleted update to the update. Here's what it said (via Wayback Machine): Well, I had several dozen people message me how it went… and… sadly, not well. Pretty much, while we lost contact, he got into a serious relationship while we were not talking, and told me he didn’t feel comfortable talking to me because of his new girlfriend. I told him I understood, and that I wished him nothing but happiness. So, it’s not the reunion I wanted… but things happen for a reason. Honestly, I am so sad for losing a friend… but I guess maybe it’s for the best. It’s nice to have closure though…. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

35 [F4M] Florida Are you him?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17pmvlw/35_f4m_florida_are_you_him/

17pua74

I am not the OP. This was posted by u/Material-Topic4522 in r/EntitledPeople **[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/xpdd5j/my_own_sister_made_false_accusations_against_me/):** 27 Sep 2022 This happened some years ago. I'm in my 30s now, but back then I was 22. My sister was 18, and was my mom's golden child. My dad thankfully has a good head on his shoulders, and always called my sister out on her shit. But my mom's interference always meant my sister got off easy anyway. This is what happened back then. My parents decided to take a vacation to ski in Aspen and let my sister watch the house for them. They told her no parties, but that was a rule she straight up ignored. A day after our parents left, my sister started sending out invites to a party. And she was promising free alcohol. I didn't see that post just yet. But my sister called me and asked me to go get alcohol for her party, because I was over 21 and could legally buy it. She also wanted me to pay for it and said she'd invite me to the party and introduce me to an 'easy' girl in order to pay me back. I told her that I wasn't going to break the law to make her happy. She should never have told people her party would have alcohol. She screamed at me over the phone that I was ruining her life, and that she couldn't take back the invites now that they were all over her FB. I looked at her post and face-palmed. I told her that what she did was really stupid, and she and her friends were all under age. So it's illegal. She tried to say it'd only be illegal if I narked on them. I said I wouldn't nark, but I wasn't going to buy her booze either. She screamed at me some more, so I hung up the phone. Well that night my sister had the party. And someone called the police for under age drinking. After being arrested and confronted by police later on, my sister threw me under the bus and said that I'd supplied the alcohol she was using. Turns out she actually broke into dad's liqueur cabinet, and thought it'd be better to frame me for her crime. Police came and arrested me at my apartment the day after the party. They seemed already convinced I was guilty, and didn't really listen to me when I said I was never there. But I willingly cooperated with them. At the station I told them the whole story, and got them to look at my sister's FB post. Thankfully there were a few people there who listened to me. But I still had to sit the night out in a cell while my parents were called. My mom and dad flew back home over night, and bailed out both my sister and I. But my mom tried to make my dad leave me in jail, because my sister had told them her lies as well. But my dad took the time to talk to me, and look at my sister's FB. So he believed me. This caused a fight between him and my mom. When they got home my dad discovered my sister had broken into his liqueur cabinet, and spoke to police on my behalf. My mom however still wanted the blame to fall on me because as she put it "The charges were ruining her baby's future!" But my innocence was further proven by the fact that I and my car were seen on CCTV when I left work, and when I arrived at home soon after as the apartment I was living in then had CCTV cameras to watch the parking lot. My car did not move from there for the rest of the day and night. In my sister's story to police I had driven out and gotten the alcohol for her. But I wasn't seen on CCTV in any liqueur store in the county, and my bank account showed no transactions buying alcohol. My parents' house also had a camera at the front door, and my car was never seen in the driveway that day. After being confronted with those facts, my sister's story changed to saying I already had the alcohol and gave it to her at my apartment. But my sister's car had never showed up at my apartment either. And there was like three cheap beers in my apartment fridge and no hard alcohol. My sister finally had to give up on her lies, and my parents were severely disappointed in her. But my mom still tried to convince me to take the fall for my sister. She came to my apartment and actually demanded that I tell police that it was all my fault. I said I wasn't going to ruin my future for my sister. She refused to leave and went from demanding to begging. She even got on her knees and tried to convince me that she and my dad would make everything ok in the long run if I just took the blame now. I said I'd rather live my life poor than have that felony on my record. She threw a huge fit and started throwing things because I refused to do as she wanted. I threatened to call police and she left my apartment cussing me out like a mad woman. I've never heard so many f-bombs out of her before or since. But she kept them up all the way to her car, and followed it up with saying she should have aborted me before driving off. I called my dad right away and told him everything that happened. He was insanely pissed and got in a huge fight with my mom as soon as she got home. She didn't even deny anything she said or did, because she deemed it would have been for the greater good of their daughter. But my dad told her that she couldn't destroy me to save my sister. Then he threatened to divorce her if she didn't try to make things right. She ended up sobbing and then saying she'd do whatever he wanted. My dad said that it was couples and family counseling, or it was divorce. My mom signed a prenup before she married him, and really had no choice. In the family counseling I called her out on how she ALWAYS believed my sister's lies. My sister tried to say they were not lies. But each one I pointed out from over the years said otherwise. I'd taken the time to write a list of all the ones I could remember from the past decade that had all been proven she lied. And my mom and sister were forced to stay silent as I read them all. They tried to interject repeatedly, but my dad and the counselor silenced them. My sister now proven beyond a doubt to be a liar and a manipulator, just shut down and refused to say anything more to the counselor. And my mom finally apologized to me. But it was obviously a forced apology because she looked so uncomfortable doing it. I told her that her apology was very fake, and after so many years of favoritism the damage was already done. My relationship with her never really recovered, because she was convinced I was guilty no matter what was said until my sister admitted the truth, and then wanted me to pretend to be the guilty one anyway to protect her favorite child. But nothing went her way. So she just went back to crying about it. When my sister went to court, my mom pleaded with the judge to go easy on my sister for the charges of under age drinking and giving other under age people alcohol, as well as attempting to frame me for her crime. She also resisted arrest when the police came and shut down the party. She was VERY drunk when it happened. They kept her in a cell over night to sober up, and then she told police I'd been the one to provide the alcohol. My mom's begging, along with the relentless lawyer my parents hired, got the judge to cut a deal, provided my sister plead guilty. Which she did not want to do. But her lawyer highly recommended she take said deal to avoid jail time, because there was no other way of keeping her from getting a felony on her record. My sister's lawyer used the fact that the alcohol had not been bought that day, but rather had already been in the house long before the party happened to help lessen the charges. My sister's FB had also been completely deleted by her as soon as she was able to in order to hide the post. The judge just wanted the case over with, so my sister got off with a huge fine that our mom paid most of out of her own pocket, and a couple years probation. She was also made to get therapy too by our dad. She's never really showed actual remorse for what she did though. And only had animosity for me, no matter how in the wrong she was. She was eventually diagnosed as a narcissist after dad made her go see a doctor. After her probation and four years of college were over, she decided she was going to leave home for California and never come back once she landed a good job. She currently works in an office in LA, and we've not spoken in years. Dad got her that job, and she's not shown any real appreciation for it. Even my mom has given up on her ever coming home for the holidays and us being a family again. It tore her up inside for a few years. But now she's just bitter. She doesn't really blame me anymore. But we only seem to show indifference to each other. Just because my sister cut her off wouldn't make me the new defacto favorite. It just means my mom lost her baby, and isn't getting her back. She can't leave my dad because she's too reliant on him, despite having her own career. She'd never want to be on her own again. So she's just become a shell of her former self. Things between me and my dad are still great. He's pretty much disowned my sister for what she's done, and has stopped caring if she'll ever talk to him again. He and my mom don't even sleep in the same bedroom anymore. She moved into the guest room some five years ago and has stayed there. Their marriage is really only one on paper these days. Info: It's a felony or misdemeanor to provide alcohol minors. And my sister provided stolen alcohol to at least a dozen people who were under 21. Then she resisted arrest and tried to frame me by lying to police. The fact that she got off easy thanks to the shark toothed lawyer my parents hired for my sister was incredibly lucky. Not that she was ever appreciative. The judge hit her with a fine for each person she gave alcohol to. Which added up. And with the cost of the lawyer, well my parents were out a lot of money. TLDR: My sister held a party with underage drinking and got arrested, tried to throw me under the bus by saying I provided the alcohol, and then had to be forced to admit the truth. So my mom tried to make me take the blame anyway, my parents nearly divorced, my sister got off easy in court, and ran off to California after college, then ghosted us all, even our mother who did nothing but stick up for her. Edit: Yes my parents are wealthy. Especially my dad as he's a business owner. He owns several businesses actually. One big one and a few smaller ones. He even owns one of the local gas stations. And the town we live in is full of bored police that are just itching to get some action. I also heard that a couple of the minors arrested at that party were the kids of police as well. Which did not help my odds when the cops came for me. The reason the investigation went as far as it did is because my dad pushed it through. I also went out of my way to provide some of the evidence. Like the CCTV from my job, my apartment complex, and my bank statements showing I didn't buy the alcohol. The rest my dad pushed for. He had a lawyer get the CCTV from every liqueur store in the county for that day. Though my mom tried to talk him out of doing so. In the end this took way too much to prove my sister was a liar, because she tried to stick to her story hard. Even after my parents discovered she got the alcohol from dad's liqueur cabinet. And yes, my parents lost a ton of money basically paying off the court to dismiss most of my sister's charges. My sister had to pay like 10%. That's about it. And that's just the little bit my parents made her pay. They still paid for her college after that as well. So people calling this out as rich people drama are exactly right, because it is just that. At the time this went on I was still in college myself. But my dad insisted I have a part time job to learn the value of work. And he was exactly right about that. My family is wealthy. But my dad tried to keep me from acting spoiled growing up. I even bought my own first car with money I earned working part time. But I can't say the same for my sister as my mom treated her like a princess. The rest of the family as a whole also hates my sister after what she did back then. So there wasn't much love lost when she ghosted us, save for my mom. She cried about it often for an entire year. Edit 2: Yes this happened in the US. And yes it was stupid the way police arrested me. My dad had some pretty strong words with them about that. But I guess the cops had nothing better to do. And the arrest was expunged from my record after I was proven innocent. But as someone in the comments pointed out. It's scary how easily your freedom can be taken away. I've instinctively avoided police ever since that happened. For them arresting the son of a rich guy must have been a big scandal waiting to happen. And no, no one was injured as a result of DUI. But I've spoken with my dad and he said there were a few DUIs because a few of the minors there got in their cars and tried to drive away. Considering I heard a few of the people there were the kids of police officers, that only made things worse for me. The cops that arrested me both looked middle aged. So if their kids were involved, that may explain why they treated me like I was guilty. Those who say this is fake. I wish it was. Because it's so stupid that it really should be. But my ungrateful sister broke our family. And she nearly destroyed my reputation as well. These days everyone in town has forgotten her. She lost most if not all of her friends after that party because they were all arrested. **[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/y15nj6/update_to_my_own_sister_made_false_accusations/):** 11 Oct 2022 I expected to be able to log out of this account and just not come back. But it seems my sister saw my original post on youtube. She's since called home and attempted to raise hellfire. She contacted our mother in a furious rage and saying that I've humiliated her. And in a complete shock to me, my mom did not care. My sister told her how to find the post, and she read it. And now she was mad at me. But more so because she felt I made her look like a bad mother all over again. But my dad got involved and said it wasn't like I was lying. Because back then the things she and my sister did were inexcusable. My mom agreed in a very sad way. But still said she wished I'd never posted the story. I suppose I couldn't fault her for that. I ended up talking to my sister over the phone because our mom gave her my current number. And the first thing she did when I answered was scream in my ear. I stopped the call because of the screaming. And so the call was followed by a flurry of text messages. My sister demanded I take my original post down. I refused. She threatened to get our parents to make me take it down. But our parents by this time already knew about the post, and among them our dad does not care, and our mom is more mad that I made her look like a bad mother all over again. So she threatened to get a lawyer and sue me for defamation. I told her to go right ahead. My post was made anonymously, and if she sues, then a lot of people are going to find out my post was about her. She asked if that was a threat. I said no, it's just something that'll likely happen if people dig more into both of our pasts if she starts a lawsuit. It might even affect her career. Rather than responding in text, my sister called me again and I told her I'd hang up and block her if she screamed in my ear one more time. She angrily demanded I just take my original post down again or else. I pointed out that this is the first time we've spoken in six years. And she had no problem throwing me under the bus in the past any time she could. And now she's mad because her own actions are reflecting poorly on her when no one else knows the story was about her but us. And I really didn't care what she thought of me anymore. Dad has pretty much disowned her, and she destroyed all the golden child love our mom had for her. My sister actually denied being a golden child. So I started to explain exactly what one was. She interrupted me saying that she's on Reddit all the time. She knows what a golden child is. And I could only laugh at the fact that she knows that and still denied having been one. I pointed out all the things from my first post. How she lied so much, how she always had our mother on her side, and how she was openly our mom's favorite, and how she expected everything to be handed to her. She was a golden child! There's just no denying that. Well she took this VERY personally and said that she wished our mother had aborted me, just like she'd said all those years ago when I refused to take the blame for my sister's crime. I just laughed some more and asked if that was all she had in her little black book of bad insults. She did not find it amusing that I found it so amusing. I fired back about how she is a self important narcissist, and always will be. She milked our parents for so much, and had no appreciation for it. Right down to that well paid LA office job she's working that 'Dad' got her. She scoffed at me and said she got that job on her own merit. I laughed again. No, she did not. Suddenly a well connected LA firm scouted her several states away after college to come work for them when she had no prior experience as an intern? It just doesn't happen. The old CEO of that company was a friend of our dad's before he passed away. And dad called in a favor. That's how she got that job. My sister of course went into more denial about the truth I'd just presented her. But I guess it finally clicked in her mind that I was correct. She's a narcissist, but she's not dumb. So she just started bragging about how well she's been doing at that job. She made it to assistant manager, and is set to be next in line for full manager some day. I was unimpressed. And she demanded to know why. So I pointed out that I've moved on to managing one of dad's smaller businesses entirely. Sure it was a technically promotion through nepotism. But I worked hard to earn it. And dad's openly stated that when he some day passes away, I'm to inherit everything. Not that I'm clamoring for it, like she undoubtably would. I actually want our dad to live a good long time. She was so angry that she hung up on me and then called our parents again. She asked dad if she'd really been disinherited. And they confirmed she was. Dad's will is set to leave her only a small settlement so she can't contest it. And if she were to try and contest it, she'd automatically get nothing. Even our mom's will has basically written my sister out. My sister ended up crying and saying it wasn't fair. But both of our parents pointed out that her framing me all those years ago wasn't fair. Ghosting them after they paid so much money to keep her from getting a felony and putting her through four years of college was unfair. They had nothing left they wanted to give. My sister ended up blocking us all from phones to social media. We can't see anything now. But we don't really care. My mom has sat me down and gave me a long awaited more sincere apology for what happened so long ago. Especially for that day she tried to make me take the blame for my sister. Years without my sister in her life, and the recent incident has made her realize more than ever that she was a terrible mother to us both. And she can't undo anything. But she wanted to at least say she was incredibly sorry. And that she loved me. She's just been too ashamed to really show it. She's now finally looking into therapy, and she's even making an effort to spend more time with my dad, like in the old days. It's ironic really. My sister tore our family apart. And then she somehow put it right back together by being the same kind of nasty person she's always been. So Sis, if you see this post, and I bet you will. Don't bother trying to contact us again. Because if you do, then any more drama you cause is gonna end up right here. So please leave us alone for the foreseeable future. **[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/Material-Topic4522/comments/16rl1gf/my_sister_came_back_pregnant_repost/):** Original Post on r/EntitledPeople removed, reposted on on 25 Sep 2023 After all this time I poked my head in to make an update, and found my last post was removed. So I'm reposting it without subreddits. My sister sank to a new low of manipulation with this one. A couple of months ago she suddenly showed up at our parents' house with a boyfriend in tow and a positive pregnancy test and saying she was two months along. She claimed she wanted to make amends so her child would be able to know their grandparents. I saw this for what it was from the start. My sister went out of her way to get pregnant so dad would put her back in the will, and mom would make her the golden girl again. But things didn't go down that way at all. It was in February when my sister showed up all of a sudden. She'd taken a leave from work to come see us. She even tried to act all smiles around me. But I could still see the hate in her eyes. She still blamed me. She never stopped blaming me. But she pretended that she'd seen the error of her ways. Mom seemed to buy her act. But dad didn't at all. Though my parents having a grandchild is something they've been longing for. So they begrudgingly accepted my sister back for the moment. But not without making sure whether or not this was a con. (Spoiler alert! It was!) My dad suggested my sister take another pregnancy test to confirm. We expected her to protest, but she took the one my dad got and willingly used it. And it was positive. So she was indeed pregnant. My parents asked for some time alone with my sister. So I went home and didn't see them again till the next day's evening. I got the details on what happened from my parents then. The evening before they'd had a long talk with my sister about all the things she's done. And told her that they will help support their grandchild, and set up a college fund for them. But if my sister wanted a place back in the family, then she's going to have to work hard for it and prove she's changed. Because it was obvious with the timing of the pregnancy that she only got pregnant just to try and get back in the family's good graces. She denied this of course. But her past actions spoke for themselves. Our parents wanted her to seek therapy. Both individual and group with them over video calls. And they also wanted her to apologize to me for what she did years ago since she always refused to. That's when she finally broke and said that I don't deserve an apology. Because I'm the reason she got her life ruined to begin with. Well my dad didn't let that slide and practically roared at her. And then he told her that she was never grateful for anything they did for her, and that she was only blaming me so she wouldn't have to take fault for her own actions. My mom chimed in and said that she had to realize her own past actions were beyond wrong. Like when she tried to force me to take the blame for my sister back then so her baby wouldn't get in trouble. And how she'd said those horrible things to me when I refused. And if she could genuinely admit her wrongs, my sister could too. Well my sister flipped out and left with her boyfriend. The few times I met the guy, I could tell he was only with my sister for the money. Because she treated him like absolute crap. She even elbowed him in the stomach once, right in front of me. Anyway. My sister came back the next day with a long rehearsed apology for them. Crocodile tears included. And again the only reason our parents let her back in was because of her pregnancy. She was set up back in her old room, and spent the next few days trying to act all smiles. But her act was pretty bad. She was still expected to give me that long overdue apology. And I met up with her and her boyfriend at a local restaurant our parents picked. We figured if she was to give me anything even remotely genuine as an apology, it couldn't be around our parents. She started off the apology by basically murmuring. And when her boyfriend wanted her to speak up, that's when she elbowed him in the stomach. And hard too. He asked to be excused, and left us one on one. As soon as he was gone, my sister started what's more of a non-apology. Basically saying she was sorry for what happened with trying to frame me. But that it still would have never happened if I'd just gone with it that day and gotten the alcohol for her party. And then we could have both had a great time. I countered that she still didn't get it. She framed me, and when cops were called on her, it had nothing to do with me. So if I had helped that day, then I would have been arrested and charged too. I got up and said she still hasn't changed. She only lives in her little self important world and and walked out. When our parents learned of this, my sister tried to deny the words she'd spoken to me. But my dad knows the owner of that restaurant. We were seated away from other noisy guests, and were put right below a CCTV camera with audio. It caught everything. And my parents had the video within hours from the restaurant owner. They played it in front of my sister, and told her this is exactly why she's not getting much in the will. Her child might be, but not her. That's when she threw a tantrum and walked out screaming at them. And this time, she didn't come back. She got in her car and drove all the way back to LA without another word to any of us. She later called to say her boyfriend had left her. And she didn't know where he was. As I thought, he was clearly in it for the money. And when their con failed, he cut her loose. So now my sister is around four months pregnant with her baby-daddy pulling a runner. She's still sending our parents updates on the pregnancy. And my parents are having a very hard time dealing with the fact that their future grandchild is basically being used as an attempted bargaining chip for my sister to worm her way back in. And sis, if you see this post. I did warn you that I'd do this if you tried anything else. You've left our mother heartbroken all over again, our father beyond disappointed, and me as your mental skapegoat because you still can't admit it was 100% your fault you were disowned! You haven't changed a bit! And I doubt you ever will! **[NEW UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/user/Material-Topic4522/comments/16shsh2/my_conniving_sister_sold_her_baby_to_our_parents/):** Original post on r/EntitledPeople removed, reposted 26 Sep 2023 Yes I get that this story sounds extremely fake. I'm also aware that selling one's child isn't exactly legal. Well my parents found a way. And it involved more than one lawyer, and was called something more of a financial settlement. Yes it involved an outrageous amount of money. And my parents took a bigger financial hit in this than I prior alluded to. It's actually pushed back my father's retirement by about ten years. I can't make any guesses as to the numbers. But I know property in California can go for an outrageous amount. There were also some questions about who is raising my nephew, and how. Let's just say that's complicated right now. I'm reposting this free of subreddits. And once gone I will not be coming back. Despite what some people think, I don't get a kick out of doing this. I previously had an axe to grind with my sister, and the shit she put me through. But you can only grind an edge so much before it becomes dull. Original post as follows: Some time ago my sister gave birth to a baby boy. She made sure we knew the gender well in advance, as well as sending our parents pictures of ultra sounds, and anything else that kept our parents' need for a grandchild motor running. My sister only allowed our parents to come to the hospital to meet their grandchild at the birth. They had to take a last minute flight to LA just to be there. My sister also forbade me from going. She said I'd ruined her life enough, she wished she was an only child, wished me dead, all stuff like that in repetition. And she doesn't want me anywhere near her ever again. Well the feeling is mutual. Though three months before the birth my sister showed back up again. This time she pleaded with our parents to let her in to talk, and not to contact me that time because she really didn't want me there. She only had one day before she had to head back to LA, and had driven through the night. I wasn't there to see it. But from the details I got from my parents, my sister went crying to mom and begging her to take her back into the family. My dad said that mom hardly wanted to look at her. Dad confronted my sister and said that she didn't bother to try and contact them in years. And that she was only back and even pregnant because it was all about the money to her. If she'd never seen my Reddit post, she would still be NC with us. Mom spoke up and told her that she hoped for so long that my sister would come home to visit, or even just talk to her. But it was years of no contact. She'd done everything for her, she'd favored her, she defended her lies, she'd made sure she didn't get a felony in court. And yet my sister showed zero appreciation. Dad backed this up too, and even compared me to her. And how I at least appreciated my parents. Then he blurted out that I'd been made a legal partner in the business he is having me manage, and that I'm on track to eventually take his place one day. After that my sister I'm told was went hysterical and was screaming about how it wasn't fair, and it should be her instead. Somehow she was still allowed to spend the night in her old room. And the next morning she dropped this bomb on my parents. I heard her emotion was just gone. I guess she didn't feel the need to keep up the act anymore. She said that she'd allow mom and dad to adopt her child, in exchange for a house in Cali and an undisclosed sum of money that I'm not privy to. And you know what, my parents agreed. But my dad had demands of his own. In return for the adoption of my nephew, my sister was give up any and all rights to her son, sign a contract stating that she will have no part of the family ever again, and change her legal name! That last part really surprised me. Dad went so far as to pay for her name to be changed in order to separate her from the family. This meant getting all of her information reissued. Such as her diploma, college degree, passport and anything else that ever had her name on it. All paid for by my parents. And as part of the agreement, my sister could never change her name back, or even to something similar. My parents didn't half-ass anything in this endeavor. My participation in it though was minimal at best. My parents went to California to purchase a house my sister approved of. But she would not be given the house until after the baby was born and in their hands. She was very unhappy about this, as she wanted to move into the house after she'd signed the contract. But our parents had none of it. They gave my sister a week to sign, and she signed in front of a lawyer in less than 48 hours. So as of then, I'm now considered an only child. I'm not gonna say I'm happy about that. I used to love my sister before she became a narcissist. But what's done is done. And I'm over it. My parents also tracked down the baby's biological father to get him to relinquish his parental rights as well. My sister found out he went back to his home town in Arizona after he abandoned her, and my parents went to see him before the baby was born. He had no problem signing away paternal his rights after a DNA test confirmed he was the father. He must have still been in cahoots with my sister, because he also also wanted a house and a payout as compensation to sign away his rights. Though not nearly as much I'm told. My parents purchased him a cheap house somewhere and paid him off. Well I say cheap in comparison to the house they bought for my sister in LA. This was one expensive baby to adopt! But as my dad said "It's worth every cent to make sure my grandson has a future!" My dad sold one of his smaller businesses to a competitor in order to get the money together without really affecting his other finances. Said competitor had been making him offers for years, and my dad wasn't that involved with the business anymore. So he finally took the offer, but only if they retained all of the employees already there, which they did. And now it's their name on the sign. But my parents didn't care because they've fully adopted my nephew. When the child was born, my sister didn't even want to hold him. And I heard even once referred to the baby as "That thing!", which was beyond cruel. She even admitted she was planning to sell the baby in a closed adoption to someone else, had our parents not agreed to do it themselves. She got her house, and got her money. And then promptly cut contact all over again. So she's gone from our lives for good, and no longer related to us. My mom was doing the bulk of the parenting of my nephew till they can find a live-in nanny to help pick up the slack since they're getting old. They needed help with a newborn. Especially when they become a toddler. My mom is very happy, but my dad has made it clear to her that they will not make the same mistakes they did with my sister. No favoritism, no enabling bad behavior, no lying. And that the child will not ever know his real mother as she's dead to us. And if my sister ever tries to seek him out, she'd be in serious breach of contract and have to return the house, or it's monetary value. So I doubt she'd bother to ever try. After the time she'd first shown up pregnant, my sister and I have only spoke once more over the phone. And it was after my nephew was born. For the record, she called me to gloat and tell me off one last time. I told her she was a delusional narcissist who only wanted to blame me because it's easier for her than accepting reality. But she just reacted smugly that it didn't matter what I said. She's gonna believe what she wants to believe, and she'd already won anyway since she got what she wanted. She's still got a good career in LA, lots of money, and now a house. And all it cost her was a baby she didn't even really want. She can live however she wants now, and we can't do a damn thing about it because we were no longer family. I hung up and blocked her number. I was seething with anger, but there was no point in arguing further. In her own way, yeah she'd won. But at what cost? She no longer has family, and no one to rely on ever again if things go south for her. My nephew isn't going to be raised as another son due to a 30+ year age difference between me and him. So my my parents want to make it clear that he is a grandson as he grows up, and that we are his true family. Our goal is to make sure he never has any desire to seek out his biological mother. She never wanted him anyway. And it's better he understands that from a young age, rather than pine for the mother he never had. So I guess this is the end. It was a long time coming. But I'm honestly happy my sister no longer has any connection to us. This was last shared on this subreddit [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12u8yps/a_multiyear_saga_of_oops_golden_child_sister/)

My own sister made false accusations against me because I refused to supply alcohol for her party

NEW UPDATE

rishcast

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17pua74/my_own_sister_made_false_accusations_against_me/

17q1pbt

TW >!Cancer, pregnancy, Audacity!< Mood Spoiler >!Shocking audacity, works out in the end!< **Posted Aug 31 2022 at https://www.askamanager.org/2022/08/pregnant-coworker-keeps-saying-awful-things-to-my-terminally-ill-sister.html Allison's advice not included in this post, but can be found at the above link** Hoo boy, this will be short but brutal. My little sister has terminal cancer — she has between 2-4 years left. No symptoms yet, so she’s still going to work every day. They’re a small company of 10 people (read: no HR dept) and one of those 10 is a woman apparently bereft of reason or empathy. This gal is five months pregnant and will not stop saying inappropriate things to my sis. Here’s a highlight reel: She came to lil sis’s office, put my sister’s hand on her own stomach and said, “Now you have another reason to fight.” “Pregnancy is going around! Guess you don’t have to worry about that.” (Lil sis beat ovarian cancer a few years ago and had a hysterectomy.) “Your body is growing things it shouldn’t and my body is growing exactly what I wanted.” While talking about next year’s conference, she said, “I’ll be pregnant so Lil Sis it’s all you.” Lil sis replied, “Well it usually is, but I’m dying so your ass is gonna have to figure something out.” My sister doesn’t really have the energy to devote to this (nor the fucks, to be honest) so she’s been ignoring it or responding like she did above. I love her quips but it’s not stopping Pregnant Lady from saying all of these messed up things. Any advice? **Allison's advice is included in the above link, not this post, per her request - Totally recommend reading it!** **Update posted Nov 30 2022 https://www.askamanager.org/2022/11/updates-pregnant-coworker-keeps-saying-awful-things-to-my-terminally-ill-sister-and-more.html** I have an update that, while dissatisfying from an HR perspective, will probably be pretty fun to read. My sister vents often to me and our best male friend. Preggo left a comment on Lil Sis’s Facebook – some sort of “did you know I’m pregnant bc I’m pregnant” comment on a cancer update. While Lil Sis and I were brainstorming firm but tasteful responses, Male Friend just left a reply that tore her a new asshole. She immediately deleted her reply and went radio silent. Lil Sis met with her boss the next morning to get ahead of any potential drama. Her boss actually shrugged and said, “This is what happens when you talk crazy out of church” (did I mention they’re in a tiny mountain town?). The gist was she gave my sister carte blanche to put Preggo in her place as needed. A warning and write up would have been better and I’m disappointed that my sister’s manager is kind of a coward. We’re glad manager is on her side in at least some way. Preggo came into my sister’s office with her tail between her legs and apologized profusely and has since only been annoying in an overly accomodating way. No pregnant talk, no minimizing the TERMINAL CANCER. Apparently we just needed the audacity of a straight white man with nothing to lose. *I am not OOP*

(Ask A Manager) Pregnant coworker keeps saying awful things to my terminally ill sister

EXTERNAL

KimchiAndMayo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17q1pbt/ask_a_manager_pregnant_coworker_keeps_saying/

17qdxxm

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ractical_Muffin_950 **AITA for not inviting my sister to Europe but taking my nanny?** **Originally posted to** r/Nanny & r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Alcoholism, child endangerment, ablism, parental neglect!< [Taking nanny on vacation, things to take into account, advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/s/SX2atAB22T)  **Oct 15, 2023** How much to pay for vacation and also what can make it better for the nanny? So as the tittle says we are going on a vacation to Europe, in the contract we stated that we take one of three weeks every year and she was ok with that. I already gave her the dates, and tomorrow we will talk about rate and others and put it in writing. We are going to Spain for a week and Italy for two (maybe this is relevant). Things that I think are a must: *Her own room *Gave her a daily expence on the credit card (just for her not for the kids) *All meals cover (either with the card or cash) *She will fly bussines with us Things that I do not know because my last nanny did this different: *How many days per day of working should she have free in each week? *Should we put the same hours or different? *$100 per day plus the credit card and having 5 nights off (we are planning 2 date nights per week) is good? Is there something I'm missing? We are staying at hotels and both have joint rooms for the kids and us. Her room would be if can in an other floor, but same category. Please do give me any advice that u think I'm missing. And ask away. Update: Everything went great, she even understood my fear of drinking alone in a country that is so sexist, and told me that she feels safe with me being honest. At the end we end up in her wanting to do 2 weeks w/o breaks (she isn't interesed in Spain, so she prefers to tag along with us all days) and then having 10 days (won't be taking of her PTO and will be payed as if she was with us) in Italy. I told her that at any time she can change her mind, but she says that she probably won't and will start planning around those 10 days a trip for herself. That's fine by me since we will be with family the 2 weeks in Italy. For salary we came up to $175 per day, plus hotel, transport, food and everything in the credit card that we payed. Thanks to all of u! [AITA for not inviting my sister to Europe but taking my nanny?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/IlNnitqHtI)  **Oct 21, 2023** So I will give context, my F(24) sister lives with us in our home in a mini apartment that we made in the back. It's completly separated from the main house and has it's own kitchen, bathroom, two bedroom and living space. Our house is a victorian one type, to get the picture. She doesn't pay rent, I payed for her uni, food is also provided by me, and utilities of course. The thing is that she has it harder sometimes in life for being deaf, my father refuses to even pretend that she exists and he payed my uni, so I did what I thougth it was fair at that time. Now to the issue, we are going to Europe (Spain and Italy) with my husband, 3 kids and nanny. I told her yesterday that was the day that I confirmed everything and also with the nanny. She asked me if her room will be separated like the nanny's one or if she had to share. To say that I was dumbfounded would be little, I told her that when I first talked to her she told me that she was saving for something else (I won't say what in order not to give much info), and she told me that she expected me and my husband to pay her way. And question the nanny, I explained that the nanny will be working in turist things, and that I even if I never expected her to do that (because she isn't a parent or a payed professional), having the nanny makes sense while having her is just paying for paying (yes I know I was a little hard). What makes me think this a lot is that she told me that I could pay for her if I wanted to, true. But I do not want to streach our budget. Now I honestly do not know, should I streach the budget and just give in? Sorry for any typos, I'm breastfeading my kid, the only moment that I have to do things. If there is any question, please let me know. Edit/Info: She is finishing an internship program in december and starting a very well paying job in January. This was what she worked for since school, uni and everything. So I was planning after seeing your comments to talk about either rent or her own place after she is finished with the interview. Of course u see that I protect her a lot, so even if it's rent I will ask her to start paying in march, also that way she can learn about expences. If she wants to move then it will be the landlord who will enforce it. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Kmia55** >Sometimes a person doesn’t understand how good they have it until they don’t. I don’t mean that as you should kick her out. I mean it as she doesn’t realize the life you have provided her is not a normal thing sisters usually do for each other. She hasn’t been independent enough to realize this. She does need to learn it at some point. NTA * **PolarBear374665** >NTA.  I assume you are taking the nanny to watch the kids for you while you and you husband want to do things that might not interest the kids.  We did the same with our nanny.  While nanny might go along for some things and might have some free time to do what she wants, she is working, not on vacation.  >What your sister wants is a free vacation.  You can, of course, give her one but you are certainly not obligated to do so. * **Legitimate_Sun_390** >NTA and I think it's right to hold firm for this holiday and for other luxuries. However, I do think a lot of the responses here are quite extreme, calling her spoiled and saying she's taking advantage. She's a young person with a disability, being supported by family until she is able to stand on her own. She has made an error in judgement here and misunderstood how something worked, but that doesn't make her a terrible person. She is hardly the first 24 year old to act a bit thoughtlessly in their assumptions about family paying for them, and I am sure you can set her straight without it being a total disaster. Please don't feel bad that you have supported her so generously in her youth, or that she needs a bit of a course correction here. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/p0A1rd00Ej)  **Oct 22, 2023** Hey guys, so there is an update but I wanna make somethings clear: 1- My husband and me took guardianship of my sister since she was a little less than 16. She was at this point almost failing school because of being deaf but not having either an interpreter or go to a special school. With that you need to understand that she was kind of my first child. Even previous to being legal I was the one taking her to sign lessons, or my husband would be the one making sure that her friends didn't bully her, and to make sure to always understand that there are bad people that can take advantage of you. 2- Many say that she could thought that she was invited for this reason, and no again, she didn't come to any trip since she was 18 with us. And we already go to Europe once a year. 3- She was disowned by every member on my father's side. So I got most than her in life. And my mother is an other story. 4-We paid for everything because we could and wanted her to be where she is in life. She has an internship that ends in December and starts to work in January in that company. 5- I did not prive my kids of anything because of this, unlike my sister, my dad has trust for all 3 of them for education and even a wedding. Those things my sister never had, and as much as u all tell me to I paid her education and that's wrong, I do not have to honestly care about paying for my other three. In my father's side everything will be left to me or my kids. 6- The trip to Punta Cana was a congrats on ending the internship and also to help me post partum. To the update: I had a long talk, and actually none of us guess it, but it's the nanny the problem. In some way she think that she is taking her place in life, and that she has seen us talk and the kids getting along with her. And that's when it clicked me, she feels rejected. I did my best to make sure that this wasn't the case, she told me that she didn't even want to go with us, but she didn't want the nanny to come either. She is starting therapy again this month, and I will cover it. To the living rent free, she even showed me her plan to start paying and told me that if I like it better she can move, honestly? It was put together in a way that must have taking her weeks because she even calculated utilities and food. I can't relate to her about the pain if rejection, but I can understand it. I will make sure we spend family time also with her, and like I say to her "there is nothing or no one that can make me love you less" Thank u all, for all the support and ask anything. [Nanny missing in an other country with an other language](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/s/PrEvfInBDR)  **Oct 31, 2023** So, we started our vacation one day ago un Spain, here it is now 9:45 a.m. At 9 a.m her shift starts, but I figured that she overslept or something (the hotel has breakfast and we meet here every morning). At 9:30 I started to get worried and ask to called to her room, no answer, I'm writing this after she JUST got into the hotel from last night to today. She has alcohol breath and you can tell she has been drinking. I told her to get food, shower and sleep. But I won't kid you this were the worst 15 minutes of my life. So 2 things: 1) how do I cope with this situation and adress it later? 2) how do I prevent it? can I? I feel super responsable for her, the location that we are right now does not speak a WORD in English, not even hotels (small city) and she doesn't speak Spanish. I want her to have a great time, but I came here with her also for the job. I do not mind taking care of my own kids, but I still can't lift them up. Only the baby and with help of my husband. So we have to change the destiny for today, and pay the fee and see if the one that was ment for today has room for tomorrow. But nannys that travel or parents that travel with nannys, how, what and help. Edit to add after kids are asleep: To anyone asking if she was drugged: She wasn't, nothing happened to her. She told me she bought a bottle of tequila to go to the beach to see the sun come up. She never even talked to anyone. She just can handle alcohol that's why she looked drunk but wasn't that much. She was gonna sneak in, shower and work. She was sorry that got busted or it looks like that. For those asking, tequila isn't that normal here (not in Spain in general but we are in an area that isn't big on tequila), so it must be a drink of choice. She bought one of the premixed ones, not pure, she showed me the bottle and drink 1/4 of it. She was planning on doing the same today. That for me is a big NO. Will I fire her: I told her that one more of this crap and she is going back, right now I can't lift 2/3 kids, and the baby is getting hard also, so I need her until we are in Italy with other family. Since we pre-paid her when we come back we will deduct the day from her normal paycheck. Add: sorry for any grammar errors I'm too tired and spoke spanish all day. **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** **OOP** >I fired her. She was planning on driving under the influence with my children. She is safe and back in the US. Her story changed everytime she told it, she is 32, and she never got the part of "You could have end up harming my kids or in jail", again, your free time, you do you. But with my kids, no. >Again, she never even say sorry. That and the lack of u can't drink and drive, left me no choice. **Goodgoditsgrowing** >>Oh fuck no. I imbibe but NEVER would dare being fucked up behind the wheel. Definitely not with kids. I’d lie and say I had food poisoning if I was ever that idiotic…. I can’t believe her! Holy shit, was this a brand new nanny or did you know her pre vacation!?!? **OOP** >>>I kind of knew her, because we met in reddit but she was in the same Montessori group as me in Seattle, so 6 months give or take knowing her and EXCELENT references, and 3/4 months working for me (I suck at dates, but using the memory because all the papers are back at home the dates are those). >>>Again the previous family had only great things to say about her, and she was leaving them because the kids no longer need a nanny. I even had some exchanges with the other mom, who couldn't belive it. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for not inviting my sister to Europe but taking my nanny?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17qdxxm/aita_for_not_inviting_my_sister_to_europe_but/

17qebf0

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/InspiredBitchCustard, **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **WIBTA for not telling people I'm teaching my fiancé how to drive?** Trigger Warnings: >!seizure disorder, emotional abuse, controlling behavior, ableism!< &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17krbz8/wibta_for_not_telling_people_im_teaching_my/) - **October 31, 2023** Hey everyone. It's important to preface this with a general statement: I am altering a couple of details for anonymity. It will be directed towards people involved, not the story itself. This is due to me promising him that his family won't find out. My fiancé (30sM) was diagnosed with Epilepsy when he was around 19-20 years old. Apparently he had signs in childhood but everyone thought he just wasn't feeling well. Symptoms lined up with him being sick with the flu and things like that. So, when he had his first seizure, it was definitely an unwelcome surprise. Anyway, he was on track to learn how to drive (he just wanted to wait) but since the seizure, he medically can't drive. He is completely controlled by medication. He also hasn't had a seizure in over 8 years and we've been together 5 of those. Last night he needed to go to the gas station. It's fall, and where we live is basically almost winter. Matter of fact, I like to call it Diet Winter in the NE of the US. Anywhoozle, I told him to get the car started and I'd take him. He insisted on walking, but a friend of ours was just hit by a car walking at night (friend is ok, just bruised up) and people don't pay attention. We do our thing, and I park the car. He makes a joke about learning and I reminded him that I can't. Just to put it briefly, I was trying to teach him when we started dating and when his family found out, I was ostracized and passively bullied by his mom, his brothers and sister, and a few of his cousins. That has since resolved itself. If y'all want that story, I will post on my page. He did not know about the way they were treating me regarding it until last night and had a very emotional outburst. He doesn't like the fact he has to rely on rides, and thinks it bothers me (it really doesn't) that I have to take him everywhere. He went on to say that he doesn't like veing left in a bubble and pointed out that he has been consistent in taking his medication and hasn't had a seizure in years. I agreed with him and told him why I was refusing to teach him. I finally asked that if we actually did this, will he handle the family aspect of it? He pondered and asked "What if we didn't tell them? Why would we? This is between us" and he couldn't have been more right. I'm just genuinely concerned about the response once people do find out. Part of me wants to at least warn someone in the family so they're aware, but I don't want them treating him like a child anymore. His family is very tight-knit due to some heavily traumatic events in their lives. Something else I know he's weary of. So, WIBTA for not telling anyone? Edit: The reason I would let someone know is purely for safety reasons. We have stuff put in place for it, but I do not do well in medical emergencies with people I love, which has been proven twice now in my life. Idk what the word is, but I basically get fixated on certain facts (something I work on in therapy) and the one that stuck out most is his mom and siblings know a lot of people with some form of Epilepsy and they spent time telling me stories of people who got their licenses and had a seizure behind the wheel. I fixated on that and worried and played the What If game, especially if he had one while by himself. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **GreenUnderstanding398** You are both adults and should make decisions for yourself. Since the medical professionals have cleared him seems like their opinion is more pertinent than his families. >**OP:** >Correct. He talked to his parents a bit more today. Well, at least his mom, his dad, is still refusing to speak. He is convinced that people with any type of disability or medical condition that stops them from doing "basic" things shouldn't be allowed to operate any type of heavy machinery for the safety of others. We heard from one of his brothers that his dad is looking to buy him a bike for Christmas as a way of saying, "Please don't do this." Idk how much truth there is to that yet because he is willing to go NC about it. I found the thread that's unraveling the sweater, and it's one of those things you just want to watch. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17lggyo/update_to_wibta_for_not_telling_people_im/) - **November 1, 2023** So I didn't expect to be back so soon. I just want to answer some questions before giving y'all the update. Where we live does not have a medical board that evaluates driving privileges for people with medical conditions or disabilities. As a matter of fact we don't have a medical board at all (just a licensing board), I just learned that this morning. The state heavily relies on medical professionals and their opinions. This is the downside to living in a state that isn't about regulating private businesses or things of that nature. Yes, he is medically cleared to drive. Due to some regulation changes in his neurologists office, they have to fill out a packet for those who want to drive and the neurologist gives a class on rescue readiness. For those who don't know, people with Epilepsy have things that are similar to a rescue inhaler. In this case it comes in the form of a nasal spray or rectal gel. He would only need to use it if he has symptoms of a seizure, and then the protocols in place for calling for help. Yes, I realize that everyone is infantilizing him. He is the first person to get Epilepsy in a generation on both sides of his family (there's history of it on both sides) hence their nervousness. It doesn't excuse it though. I am aware that my constant worry and panic is adding to this drama and have decided to increase my therapy time to deal with the fear and get over my freezing during medical emergencies. Now to the update. My fiancé couldn't wait, so he dropped the bomb on everyone today. We all have weird schedules, but Wednesday is a day we all have off somehow and we decided to do breakfast at his family home. He got into it with his siblings, but they finally backed down and acknowledged that he really needs to have this choice and be independent. Even if it's just going to the grocery store. There were a lot of tears between them. His sister is older, so she was more open to it. His parents however, way different story. They. Lost. Their. Shit. Like they could have risen the queen from the dead. They both immediately turned to me and said this was my fault and I keep putting ideas in his head. Before I could say anything, his sister surprisingly had the most to say. She asked them to stop and listen to her. She then pulled up my reddit post (I see you Jen 👀) and showed the comments everyone left. They got even madder and then just shut down and told all of us to get out. So we did. I know my fiancé is heartbroken, but he said this was the only way for them to listen. If anything new happens, I'll let you guys know. Until then, I gotta save up to buy him some driving lessons. Thanks everyone. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

WIBTA for not telling people I'm teaching my fiancé how to drive?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17qebf0/wibta_for_not_telling_people_im_teaching_my/

17qebqf

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/FandomLuver-101, **Originally posted to** r/EntitledPeople **Friend is a Bridezilla, YAY** Trigger Warnings: >!controlling behavior, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, manipulation, bullying, public humiliation, mentions unwilling outing of someone, sexual assault, abuse!< &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17kyy4c/friend_is_a_bridezilla_yay/) - **October 31, 2023** One of my friend's is planning her wedding. Or rather, she expects me to plan her engagement announcement party, bridesmaid announcement luncheon, bachelorette party, the wedding ceremony, and the reception. She also expects me to contribute financially. While not attending the wedding because, and I quote, "my fiancé used to have a crush on you and I don't want him to be tempted to run away with you. Can you imagine the embarrassment of being left for YOU? Hahaha!" What? Summing up the rest of the convo, I told her off and questioned how she can make demands like that to someone that she clearly doesn't respect. She said that I planned one of my aunt's weddings and I both planned and funded a friend's baby shower (this was my best friend since elementary school and she has no family willing or able to support her - this was me making it clear that I'd be there for her and her child as a godmother). I don't get it. This particular person always rubbed me wrong, but was always in the friend group. Her fiancé is genuinely kind and always talks on how she's not "that bad," but are you seriously not an entitled jerk when you want someone to plan an event, partially fund it, and not attend because you're insecure!? She's still texting me potential venues right now as if I didn't tell her off and hang up on her ten minutes ago! Update 1 - talked to the fiancé and he's getting off soon. We're gonna meet up at a mutual friend's place. I already texted that mutual some screenshots and she's trying to see what she can get from bridezilla. Hopefully whatever is shared will be helpful. Bridezilla allegedly plays her entitlement and dislike of me off as a "joke" and that's why most of our mutual friends laugh it. Don't see how that's even remotely funny, but whatever. Gonna meet up in half an hour or so. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17lc4oy/update_friend_is_a_bridezilla_yay/) - **November 1, 2023** The night and early morning has been spent spamming the friend group chat with screenshots of delusion and anger. So to update everyone that asked for one. I met up with the fiancé (who I'm gonna call Ryan) and a mutual (who is Rachel) around 11 PM at that mutual's place. I noticed someone said it seems like I'm into him and I want to clarify that I've been friends with him since high school, freshman year. He's someone I care for greatly and someone who has been through a lot in regards to bad families and poor examples of healthy relationships. The way I treat him is the way I treat my best friend Kim (the one that I'm godmother for). This meeting could've gone south quickly, but I'm glad I involved another friend. I showed him the texts first and told him about the call. I explained to both him and our mutual that everyone laughing when Bridezilla does things like that hurt my feelings and contributes to her thinking it's okay - I'm the go-to friend, ol' reliable who supposedly never says no. And yeah, I help who I can, but I am not a doormat. Ryan was confused about the "crush" thing and fixated on that - he didn't want to acknowledge anything else at first. He eventually just cried and Rachel took over by telling him that she's also been texting Bridezilla and the way she speaks about me when she thinks she has a fellow anti-OP isn't cool nor healthy. Some of her texts from Bridezilla were awful, most being about me getting Baker Acted in high school and one Rachel wanted us both to see was a list of female mutuals not allowed to attend or have contact post-wedding because "Ryan called them pretty but I'M the only pretty one in his life lmao." I asked Ryan permission to "blow it up," IE if he was okay with me sharing everything in our main circle of friends. Honestly, I don't want to put him in a worse spot, but I already know Bridezilla was getting upset I wasn't responding to her - her text got extremely nasty and I'm glad I hadn't blocked her yet. He said yes and I, a Samsung user, took the LONG sceenshots and started spamming the groupchat with them. No warning, no context, starting with the only text I sent her - "No, I won't plan and fund your wedding and be disrespected while doing it. I get that we're not actually friends, but you don't speak to people like that and think they'll do anything for you." I blocked Bridezilla right after this. Rachel hasn't shared her screenshots yet, but things have be... Interesting. Bridezilla is sending messages through others about me not taking a "joke" well, but the ones passing it on are saying they're sorry for how they've gone along with that behavior. I've blocked them too, at least temporarily because WHY are you passing along her texts of what she wants to say to me when I told you I'm done and I don't want anything to do with her anymore? Is that normal friend behavior? I'm seriously asking at this point. As of now, it's 9 something in the morning and I have more people to send my copypasta of "I'm temporarily blocking you as I want nothing to do with Bridezilla" and blocking them. Ryan has apparently sent her a text saying to keep the ring and blocked her. Rachel hasn't blocked her and is on some multi-way call with her - she's apparently a mess and it's all my fault. Boohoo, don't start crap and there won't BE crap. Rachel says she's going to "play both ends" and blow things up worse than they are - she genuinely wants to "weed out the crap friends" and says she's noticed a lot of people are considered "friends" when they shouldn't be. Anyways, thanks for all the comments, support, and advice on my first post! My first method definitely would've caused way more drama (IE meeting Ryan alone in any capacity). And I really hope the "steal her fiancé" comments were jokes, but I also looked into the suggested petty revenge sub and... Yeah. I can't bring myself to do that to Ryan when I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic at this point 🙃. It would be hilarious to see Bridezilla's meltdown, not worth hurting one of my besties. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **daylily61** If Rachel really is your friend, she will respect your wishes and not "stir the pot." Defending you is one thing, but using this situation to create even more trouble than there has already been, is another. >**OP:** >Thankfully she has listened to my concerns. She's bowed out of it, but by this point some of what she's done has made me uncomfortable. She didn't have to do much to "stir the pot" and didn't say anything about me that seems like a red flag, but what she's done does seem like one. **strongopinion4life** Some people want revenge and others want peace. The only thing that I dont agree with you is if Rachel has something that could end her job and if its a real problem where people are at risk or something bad (must be for her to 100% certin to end her job) then she needs to do that. >**OP:** >I told her to anonymously report it if she believes it's career ending, but not to take her "nuke" route of posting it online everywhere. I don't think it's the best option because she might put herself in danger of Bridezilla decides to retaliate. &nbsp; [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17ludf1/update_2_bridezilla_finale/) - **November 1, 2023** As a commenter predicted, Bridezilla has latched onto the "not invited" part of her comments and made it seem like that was my issue with her. Her angle is that I'm upset I wasn't invited and that's why I'm sabotaging her and Ryan. She's telling everyone willing to listen that she felt Ryan values me above her, so that's why she initially didn't want me there and that she'll invite me if I talk Ryan out of leaving her and let her pick my outfit??? The above and her "it's a joke, get over it" mindset have revealed far more about those I considered friends and associates than I'm comfortable admitting I ignored to keep mutuals or just genuinely missed. I allowed a lot of toxic behavior around me when I cut my mother off for a lot of those same behaviors. I feel dumb to be honest. Like, really dumb and close to tears. There are in fact people I need to cut off. Surprisingly though, it's a small number, four of the fifteen in our main group. These are people who have admitted to: 1 - Inviting me to concerts and parties so they have a ride 2 - Asking me to join trips so they had a "mom" to take care of things they would "forget" 3 - Asking me to be a godparent because of how I treat Kim's kid (paying for trips, buying random gifts, babysitting just to hangout, having a room at my place just for them) 4 - Setting me up on dates so they'd have a "doubles partner" (I'm gonna go on a very long tirade about THIS person) On the room thing because Bridezilla's entitlement didn't just magically poof away. Apparently I'm meant to give that room to her hypothetical kid. Like, take it from my godson and give it to HER kids. She thinks that because of how Ryan and I became friends, that means I should value my friendship with him above Kim, thus entitling her hypothetical kids to more. It's such a weird notion to me. The way I met Ryan was through group grief counseling. But I don't think that friends have "different worths" the way she and some others described it? The friends who passed along messages have been unblocked. I talked to them and, like another commenter suggested, they were sending screenshots because they themselves didn't realize they were allowing her to get away with stuff like that for years and were genuinely sorry. I told them I allowed it too, so I can't really be mad at them at this point. When I've said I didn't like something, these are people that would stop it immediately. I should've said something earlier instead of ignoring it because Bridezilla was their friend and Ryan's girlfriend. Don't know if that makes it okay, but I'm gonna let it go. I glossed over Ryan telling Bridezilla to keep the ring and blocking her, as someone pointed out. There was much more said, some of which are NSFW. The screenshots Rachel and I shared with the group excluded all the messages Rachel received about Ryan, specifically in regards to his history with being SAed and abused (don't ask details - I don't know nor have I ever asked; I don't need to know to support him). There were things being shared to Rachel that he confided in Bridezilla about, but not in Rachel or I about. Rachel didn't show me and I didn't ask to be shown either, but that's what made Ryan stop fixating on Bridezilla saying he had a crush and that was why he just cried for most of our meeting. I personally did not see these texts, but Ryan told me that's what they were about and he's unsure what to do beyond cutting things off. Again, he's not good with confrontation yet and he's been working on that. He just knows he can't be with Bridezilla anymore nor can he keep the "she's not that bad" mindset. He also isn't comfortable nor ready to speak to her directly about what she did. There are aspects where he's going through the realization that, like myself, he cut off an awful parent while allowing himself to be treated the same way by a different person. Rachel bowed out of "stirring the pot" earlier today when I told her how I felt about what she was doing, but later on she explained her logic and the history behind it when I asked out of curiosity. She was fixated on getting Bridezilla on recording saying these things because she wants Ryan to be able to sue her if he decides that's the route he wants to take. She told me that middle school saw her being outed as a lesbian by a former friend. Bridezilla, who she's known since middle school, had been the only one to stand up for her in their old school when that happened and so Bridezilla doing this to Ryan led to Rachel genuinely wanting to ruin her life in her anger. She's stopped, but she's also admitted that she wants to air out all of Bridezilla's business, things that I don't know about and truly don't want to be told about. It's just been hinted at being potentially career ending for Bridezilla (she's in nursing and could lose her license according to Rachel). While I understand her feelings, I'm still not comfortable with her phrasing of things (it's just how she talks, but...). I'm not cutting her off, but I've told her that I don't even think what we did in sharing the screenshots with everyone was the right thing. It's this morally grey area that I'm still trying to understand from her perspective and reconcile with my own morals. I love Rachel, but I don't want anything to do with Bridezilla and those I've cut off officially for my own mental health - the nuke option might end in a far worse fallout than right now. I don't think I can handle that level of drama and I don't think Ryan can either. To end this, I'm gonna ask people to stop sending me revenge ideas. I was okay making jokes about it at first, but the private messages being sent and some of the comments on my posts are getting out of hand. I don't want to "steal" Bridezilla's man, I don't want to take over her wedding by showing up in white, I don't want some elaborate scheme where I infiltrate Ryan's bachelor party as a stripper (yes, someone sent me that). I don't want to humiliate anyone like that. It was funny up until I realized that the things shared with me from the petty revenge sub happened to actual people. I feel gross and guilty for even humoring this crap in my first update. Bridezilla is an awful person and while I'm still upset right now, I genuinely can't bring myself to hate or dislike her enough to do any of the things you guys are suggesting. Thanks to everyone for reading, leaving advice, and even pointing out things. And thank you a lot, u/HellaGenX ! Stranger or not, you pointed something out to me that I think I just ignored because it was easier that way. I'm gonna grieve the losses, because it hurts to cut people you cared about off. Thanks again. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

Friend is a Bridezilla, YAY

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Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17qebqf/friend_is_a_bridezilla_yay/

17qebvu

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA_Consistent12 **I [26M] found her [28F] TikTok after we went on a date.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Public humiliation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/mdNWr7jDLL) **Oct 23, 2023** This is honestly not something I expected to post about, but here's the thing. I have known this woman \[28F\] for a while since we are in the same friend groups. She's a nice person, attractive, and honestly, I've always enjoyed my talks with her. A few weeks ago, I \[26M\] asked her out on a date. I figured, if she says no, it's fine. But she actually agreed. We went on a date this past Saturday, and honestly, I thought it was awesome. We went out to dinner, had drinks, spent the rest of the night talking, and we even took a walk on a walking-bridge over the town's lake (it's not a big one). I dropped her off and was elated. I absolutely loved the night. However, that night when I was scrolling through TikTok on my bed, a post from her (I didn't follow nor knew she had a TikTok) appeared on my 'For You' page. Essentially, she said in the post, "Getting ready for a date I really don't want to go to." That was like a bucket of ice water being thrown on my head. I was so freaking happy, and I just found out she didn't even want to go on a date with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she has to want it, but please, let me know if that's the case. We don't need to go out. We can forget I even asked her out. But doing this, on the internet? It made me... self-conscious? Not sure if that's the right word. Now, I'm unsure about what to do. Should I tell her I saw this or just forget about it? Honestly, it really hurt me, and I'm not really sure I want to give this another try. I mean, she didn't want to go out with me in the first place. Right? TL;DR: Asked \[28F\] out, had an amazing date, later discovered her TikTok post indicating she didn't want to go out. Feeling hurt and unsure whether to talk to her about it. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/PT4dfabXab) **Nov 1, 2023** Hello, everyone. Some people have reached out to me through comments or chat, asking for an update on the situation. Sadly, there isn't much to share at the moment, but I'll provide what I can. Please keep in mind that I won't be discussing this further, nor will I reply to comments. Thank you for your understanding. After last week's post, I read almost every comment, or at least most of them. I'm thankful to all those who commented and shared a bit of their own personal story. Some people mentioned that anxiety is normal and feeling like not going out is definitely common, suggesting that I shouldn't look too much into it. While I agree with their perspective and see no fault in not feeling like going out, what bothered me the most in this situation was having to post a TikTok for a significant audition. I'm a private person by nature, and even my social media accounts, like Instagram, have only a single post. I don't really like to overtly share, nor do I want to be with someone who does. It's completely fine to share whatever you want; I just don't want to be a part of it. So, I decided not to contact her. I chose to pretend I had never seen the post and let things be. I understand a lot of people might think this isn't the best choice, but I feel it is the best course for both of us. Last Thursday, a few friends, who also happen to know her, invited me for drinks. We went to a bar, and while we were eating and enjoying our drinks, a mutual friend asked me how my date went, as our circle was aware that we were going on a date. I didn't want to say much, so I just replied, "Oh, it was good, but I don't think we clicked." This friend followed it by saying, "We figured," which made me feel rather uneasy. When I asked what he was talking about, he hesitated but eventually said that they had seen a TikTok post from her about not wanting to go out. At this point, I didn't really know what to say. This situation is just incredibly messy for me, but there's not much I can do about it. Still, I wasn't going to mention it, nor did I try to look up if there was any update on her part. In fact, I deleted TikTok after that incident. It just wasn't doing me any good. Nevertheless, this past Saturday, she sent me a text. She mentioned that she enjoyed our date and asked if I wanted to go out again. I understand that she clearly stated that she enjoyed our time together. However, I don't want to be with someone who exposes so much of their personal life. It's not something that would be good for me. So, I decided to tell her the truth and sent a text explaining that while I absolutely enjoyed our date, her company, and that I thought she was an amazing woman, her post from the night of our date came across my For You page on TikTok, and it made me feel really self-conscious. While I understand that she enjoyed the date, contrary to what she felt at the time of the post, I didn't feel comfortable going out with someone who had such a high level of exposure online. I wished her the best and expressed hope that she finds someone whose lifestyle aligns with hers. She has read the message, and left me on read ever since. I don't think she will reply, and I don't think we'll have a lot of social interactions going forward. I'm sorry if this wasn't the update you guys were expecting. But yeah, sadly, that's what the situation became. Anyhow, wish everyone a good day. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I [26M] found her [28F] TikTok after we went on a date.

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17qebvu/i_26m_found_her_28f_tiktok_after_we_went_on_a_date/

17qednc

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/anxiousamericanbride **WIBTA if I invited my ex to my wedding?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **This is the same OOP from the Kidnapping the Bride** [BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/krKiTn1aIs) **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Manipulation, mentions of infidelity!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/yfd4kg7ZJZ)  **Oct 30, 2023** I (24F) am getting married to my fiancé (24M) and have been going over the guest list. We're planning on a bigger wedding so whoever we want there, we invite. Before we got together, we were friends in separate romantic relationships. Mine ended decently and I'm still friends with my ex. His did not. She was horrible to him. I see my ex like a brother/friend now and I want to invite him to my wedding. Originally when I brought this up my fiancé didn't make any comment on it. He's met my friend before and I thought he was fine with it. A couple weeks later I got a call from my fiancé's sister. She told me that her brother has been asking her for advice because he doesn't want my friend there but doesn't want to come off as jealous. She said it's inappropriate that I even suggested inviting him and said it'd look like I wasn't over him. She even brought up that my friend might try and sabotage the wedding or try to win me back.  I told her it wasn't any of her business and my fiancé should come to me about this, not her. She pushed back saying that I wouldn't tolerate it if he invited his ex. I told her that it was different. His ex is a lying, manipulative bitch. My ex is my friend who I've known since high school, and we didn't work out. She said, "It should go without saying you don't bring your ex to your wedding." "I'm inviting my friend. It should go without saying if my partner has an issue, he should come to me." We kept going back and forth until I told her that I will talk to Fiancé about this and hung up. A part of me thinks his sister is exaggerating or that my fiancé is projecting his bad breakup onto me. But he's never brought this up before. I don't know what to do or say to him. Am I being too protective of a friendship vs my partnership? It's his day just as much as mine. WIBTA if I invited my ex to my wedding? **VERDICT: ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **420beanjuice** >INFO: How old were you and your ex when you got together and split up? How long ago did you split up? How quickly did you and your fiancé get together after you and your ex split up? Was there any overlap (no judgment if there was)? Any particular reason why you and your ex broke it off? How long have you and your fiancé been together? How long have you been engaged? Have you and your ex spent time together in a platonic way since the breakup or do you just still text? Have you and your fiancé spent time with your ex in a platonic setting? >I know this seems like a lot of info, but I think it’s all useful for a level judgment. **OOP replied** >>Fair enough. I'll give a timeline. >>Friend and I knew each other since 9th grade and got together in 11th grade. >>College 1st year we went to the same school and I became friends with Future Fiancé. >>Shortly before College 2nd year started, Future Fiance had a big breakup. Friend and I drifted apart and broke it off a few months after that in September of 2020. >>Fiance and I got together that December. >>Fiance proposed last March.  >>There was no cheating involved, but Friend and I realized we weren't as close as we used to be Summer 2020 when we went home for break so it was inevitable. * **jmbbl** >YWNBTA. That being said, I don't think this is a hill worth dying on. If your fiancé eventually talks to you about the situation himself and expresses his discomfort, then I'd probably err on the side of keeping him happy, even if his insecurity doesn't necessarily come from the most mature place. **OOP replied** >>Honestly, if it comes down to it, my Fiancé has to come first.  It sucks since the friendship has lasted far longer than the relationship with Friend, but at the end of the day I love Fiancé more than anyone. I know Fiancé had a horrendous breakup as well, so I wonder if there is some projection since we were both newly split when we started dating. **OOP ADDS ADDITIONAL INFO IM THE COMMENTS** For added context. Friend and I knew each other since high school. We got together junior year and went to the same university. I met Fiance in undergrad. He had a girlfriend and I was with friend. Friend and I were in different majors so we didn't spend a lot of time together. We just drifted apart. We still like to hang out, but we just fell out of love. It hurt, but no yelling, no fighting, just accepting that we weren't a good romantic match. Fiance went through a crazy, explosive breakup a couple months before Friend and I split up. We got together a few months after our breakups and stayed together for three years before the proposal. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/k1KFWKPwtr)  **Nov 1, 2023** Last night we sat down and I asked about Sister's call. Fiance admitted he’d been venting and asking her for advice. He knew she was going to bring it up to me but didn’t know she’d bring up his ex or yell over the phone. I asked why he didn't talk to me about it. Fiance explained it was few things.  One, his ex cheated on him a lot with "friends' ' while dating. ("Just texting my friend. Hanging out with friend tonight." etc.) Second; he didn't realize how much it bothered him until he thought about it and by then we already agreed on Friend as a guest. Third, he’s known Friend a few years now and neither of us ever made a move. He felt he was being paranoid and didn't want to come off controlling, especially since Friend is in our friend group and if he was the only one not invited Fiance worried he’d look insecure.  Someone made a good point that we never established a boundary. Friend is still a friend, but I love my Fiance. I said I didn't want to cut out an entire friendship if I didn't have to and we compromised. Since the whole friend group mainly sticks to groupchats, Friend can only talk to us via the groupchat, in person, or public socials. Fiance offered to do the same with a different friend of his that he used to have a crush on. (I didn't about that until he said it, but I told him he didn't have to). He also asked that I double check with him when Friend attends any group hangouts.  For the wedding, we might ask Friend to come to the reception but not the ceremony to avoid drama. Friend has asked in the groupchat (no official invitations yet, but the whole group knows we're planning) if he can bring his girlfriend to the reception but not the ceremony since (his words) "don't think my friends' big day is the best place to bring a date, but if there's a good party afterwards, I'd love for you guys to get to know her."    We talked over how it all made Fiance feel and I do feel better going forward. He apologized for not coming to me and I apologized for making him feel like I couldn't be trusted to talk to. Ngl, I'm still little freaked out he's going to secretly hate everything I do now since he felt like he couldn’t talk to me. (But I'm just being a paranoid idiot)    Note: Some noted I was too fixated on Sister and I agree. It was unexpected and I got too defensive. Fiance didn't know she'd be so aggressive, but clearly the problem is with me. Something has to be wrong with me if he'd go to her instead of me about this. It's shaken lots of confidence I've had, but I needed the reality check. Communication is crucial for marriage. Those that pointed out their exes-to-friends made me feel better too. Like most, I hope to keep most of my friends in my life, but my husband has to come first. Thank you for your kindness and advice. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

WIBTA if I invited my ex to my wedding?

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17qednc/wibta_if_i_invited_my_ex_to_my_wedding/

17qeej9

**I am still not the Original Poster. That is** [u/MycologistPatient885](https://www.reddit.com/user/MycologistPatient885/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Previous BORU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17l4gcj/aita_for_not_closing_the_door_while_showering/). Newest updates marked with \*\*\*\*\* **Trigger Warning:** >!homophobia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!true colors are shown, but OOP will be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17fn94u/aita_for_not_closing_the_door_while_showering/)**: October 24, 2023** I (17M) live at home with my two sisters and parents. My older sister (22) has been dating her boyfriend (21M) for three months now. He’s been sleeping over at our apartment ever since they started dating, but the frequency of the sleepovers have been increasing over the past few weeks. Our apartment isn’t tiny, but it’s small enough that we all share a bathroom. The room doesn’t have air conditioning and only has one window that doesn’t really let a draft through. When you shower, the room steams up a ton, so my whole life we’ve just either left the door ajar or opened the door fully as soon as we stepped out of the shower and did the rest of our bathroom stuff. The very first time my sisters boyfriend slept over, I was getting ready to go to bed in the bathroom and had the door closed, but unlocked. I was taking off my boxershorts when he walked into the bathroom. He immediately apologized, closed the door and we never spoke about it again. Well, last week I thought I was home alone and was taking a shower in the afternoon with the door ajar, as always. After I was done, I opened the bathroom door and continued with my routine (lotion, face cream, stuff like that) and noticed that my sister had come home during my shower. When I was done, I walked into the kitchen to find my sister and her boyfriend having an argument. I didn’t want to intrude, so I left and soon heard the front door fall closed. In the evening I made dinner for our family and while I was cooking my other sister (20) came and talked to me. Apparently, our oldest sister and her boyfriend argument was about me and „my“ showering habits. He thinks it’s disgusting that I shower with the door ajar and feels uncomfortable with me using the bathroom in my own house. This shocked me, because from the way our bathroom is set up, you can’t even see the shower from outside of the door. I went to my other sister and asked her if this was true, and she refused to talk to me. It’s not as if I was the only one that showered like this. We all do. I’m just the only one taking showers in the afternoon/evening when her boyfriend is usually there, because that’s when I come home from hockey practice. So, AITA for not completely closing the bathroom door while I shower? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Any idea as to why he finds it disgusting?* "don’t know about him, but i’m openly queer so maybe that’s the issue" *Why OOP keeps the door open:* "and the main reason for keeping the door open/ajar is because we live in an old building and don’t want any mold or whatever bc it’s too steamy inside" *Could he be trying to peep on your sister?* "this is sth multiple people have said and i’m really worried it’s something like him trying to peep on my other sister…" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **UPDATE (Same Post): October 25, 2023 (Next Day)** Hi guys! Okay, to make it easier I’m gonna give my sisters names, because otherwise I think it’s gonna get confusing. The sister whose bf was the issue I’ll call Ava and my other sister Vic. Sisters boyfriend I’ll call Ben. Today Vic came home pretty early, so when I heard her arrive I immediately asked her to talk about yesterday. Since some of you brought it up, I asked her if he actually used the word „disgusting“ or if she thinks Ava was paraphrasing, and in her opinion Ava said it in a way she thought that Ben had actually said it. I also asked her if he’d ever done anything to make her uncomfortable and she laughed it off, so I truly hope nothing happened there. When Ava came home, she was alone, so I asked her if she would talk to me and she agreed even though she looked really uncomfortable about the whole situation. I asked her if Ben had actually said it was „disgusting“ or if he only implied it and she said that he actually said it. I also asked her if she was mad at me or the situation, and that’s when she got super angry. She started going off at home how I apparently always have to make every situation about myself and said some other unsavory things about me. After yelling at me she left the kitchen and went to her room, dramatic door slam and all, which kind of was the trigger for me maybe being a bit too petty. Again, our apartment isn’t that huge so because the kitchen door and my other sisters door was open Vic heard the entire argument and came to the kitchen to tell me she’s on my side. Back to the petty part, my dad is at a business dinner rn, but I’ll edit this post with a second update when he comes home, because I’m gonna tell him everything that’s been said. I don’t know if he’ll care yet, but I’ll tell him all the suggestions you guys gave me in the comments and tell him im worried about Ben. Also, bc it might not have been clear in my original post: I said that I live with my parents, with that I only mean my dad. It’s not been long since my mom stopped living with us, so in the heat of the moment I wrote the wrong thing. My sister Ava used to have an apartment one town away, but bc of covid she lost her job, meaning she couldn’t pay rent anymore. She went back to school and has a different job now, but it’s entry level and living costs are crazy where we live, so she’s still at home. My other sister Vic has a dorm room at her university, but her roommates are all assholes, so she prefers staying at our apartment when she doesn’t have 8am classes. Ben still lives with his parents, why, I don’t know. Also I don’t know why they never stay at his place. That’s one of the things I wanted to ask Ava, but she apparently thinks i’m the villain here soooo. And lastly, we do have a second bathroom, but it only has a toilet and a sink, so it’s not as terrible as some people think it is in the comments. Also we all have our own rooms, they’re just small. ***Relevant Comments (time-stamped after OOP's first update)*** *Ok, it's looking more like the boyfriend is homophobic:* "honestly, that’s also what i’ve been thinking. i don’t wanna stereotype based on looks, but he also seems like the typical homophobic jerk purely bc of the stuff he wears and does" *Maybe he's in the closet?* "i didn’t wanna say it, bc i didn’t wanna come across as one of those queer guys, but that’s also what i was worried about. we’ll see" **UPDATE 2 (Same Post): About 4 hours later** Sorry it took me a bit to post this, but I talked to my dad! When he stepped through the door I immediately asked him if I could talk to him about something and he was really confused what it’s about. (He actually asked me if I wanted to tell him i had a gf/bf haha) So we sat down in the living room and I asked him if he knew what happened yesterday, but he said he only knew that Ava was mad at me, nothing more. I told him everything and he was extremely shocked and also kind of mad? The first thing he suggested was also that Ben‘s upset, because two days before Ben complained about me, I had friends over and cuddled with one of my male friends while watching a movie, and apparently he seemed annoyed by that. The second suggestion he had was just that he disliked me for whatever other reason and that’s why he was mad and called me disgusting. He went into Ava’s room to talk to her about it and I don’t know what was said, but he came out like half an hour later and told me that Ben wasn’t welcome to sleep over anymore. Of course I asked him what happened during the conversation, but he was really vague about the entire thing. I’m going to make Vic try and talk to Ava to find out what’s going on, because now I‘m actually really curious as to what’s happened. Sorry it’s not that satisfying of an end for today! Also, is it fine if I just keep adding onto this post or should I make a new one? I’ve had reddit for a while, but I’ve never posted properly before this **\*\*\*\*\*UPDATE 3 (Same Post): November 1, 2023 (1 week later)** Strap in, because this update is actually kinda crazy. Some of you guessed it correctly: he’s a homophobic prick who didn’t want to me to do, well, anything in my home, because it disgusted him. Not a lot happened after my dad banned Ben from coming over. Ava wasn’t talking to any of us, but she didn’t argue with us either, so we all just kind of let her cool off. She only slept over at Ben‘s once, but also didn’t try to convince my dad to let him come over. I had a hockey game on the 28th and usually my entire family comes, but this time, surprise surprise, Ava didn’t come. I wasn’t feeling too great afterwards and went to Vic to vent and Ava apparently heard that and came into Vic’s room to apologize to me. She said that she thinks she’s in love with Ben, so she doesn’t wanna break up with him, but that his behavior was stupid and bigoted, so that already confirmed that it was an issue, because of my sexuality. We kind of made up, which we would have been forced to anyway, because we made plans on the 30th to go to a concert together. The 29th and 30th went great. Ava was talking to me again and we just kind of avoided the whole Ben topic altogether. The conflict and what the update is about was the 31st. Every year I go watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show at our local theatre and every year I dress up. The last three years I went as Brad, but this year I took two friends of mine who are a couple that decided to go as Brad and Janet. Me being me, I took this as the opportunity to go as Frank-N-Furter (If you don’t know The Rocky Horror Picture Show, he’s a self-described transvestite and definitely looks the part). We all had a great time and let’s just say, I was pretty drunk and disheveled when I came back home. This was at like 4am and I’m gonna be honest, I was probably obnoxiously loud, because I knew my dad and Vic wouldn’t be home. Vic being at a college party and then her dorm and my dad sleeping at his partner’s house. I only took off my heels, nothing else, and went into the kitchen to eat something when Ben walked in (who would have guessed, my sister broke my dads rule as soon as he was out). Seeing me he went off on a tirade about how i’m disgusting, called me a fag, told me how no one would ever love me and told me to go find a church, because I was a disgrace (funnily enough, I’m protestant, meaning I was literally in church roughly 10 hours before this interaction, celebrating Martin Luther with my entire family). He was loud as fuck, so of course my sister came out of her bedroom and told him to calm down and said that he should just get back to bed, because he was drunk. Well, he didn’t like that and also started shouting at my sister how she was a slut for allowing me to dress like that and I don’t even know what else. Reminder, we live in an apartment complex so of course someone heard us, because during his rant against my sister one of our neighbors knocked and shouted through the door to ask if we were alright. I went to open it and Ben just kind of stormed off into my sisters room and came back a few minutes later in some clothes with his phone and left. Neighbor dude asked if we were okay again after he left, but since we confirmed that we were, he went back to bed. After I had closed the door, Ava was already gone, so I just kind of got ready for bed. I never did get my post-going out snack. Well, if the last update wasn’t exciting enough for all of you, then this surely has to be. I told one of my friends about it in the morning and her only reply was „I think I’ve read that in a book before.“, so I’m gonna take all of this with humor. **UPDATE 4 (Same Post): a few hours later (from OOP's last part of the post)** It’s currently around midnight for me and it’s only been a few hours since my last update, but something else just happened. I was feeling like crap about the whole situation, so I asked one of my friends if I could go over to his house, but his little brother is sick, so he asked if he could come over to my place. My dad was in his room, so I went to him and asked if it was okay and he said it was all fine for him to come over. Ava’s room is right next to his room and she had the door ajar (yes, I do see the irony in the issue with the ajar door) and apparently heard what I said. My room is across from her‘s, so as soon as I went back to get out the spare blankets, she rushed over to complain to my dad about how „unfair“ it is, that I get to have sleepovers and she doesn’t. My dad’s only response was that I’m not having my boyfriend over, but a friend and told her to go to bed. Now it’s pretty clear to me that she does also have an actual problem with me and not just her infatuation with Ben making her upset with me. ***OOP's comments on my previous BORU:*** *This exchange:* Commenter: So here’s the thing. There’s two things going on here. First and foremost, it’s incredibly sad that some people still allow obvious bigots like this Ben douche into their lives. The sister sucks too. But there’s a bit of a heartwarming aspect to the story as well. Because the original poster has lived in such a nurturing environment that they seemed legitimately confused about the issue and didn’t even immediately jump to the bigotry theory. Not to mention how the dad handled the whole situation. OOP: "gonna be honest, this is the first comment that’s made me cry and actually think about the situation. i complain about my dad way too much, to actually see how great he’s been. gonna go give him a hug in the morning" *Why do you complain about your dad?* "just because he handled this one situation really well, doesn’t mean he’s always the best. like he is understanding of this situation, but that’s kind of the outlier" **Editor's note-** There has been some confusion about the timeline. For the last 2 updates: OOP gets home "Halloween Night" at 4:00 AM. (So technically November 1.) Dad is not there. That's when Ben and OOP have the confrontation. OOP's dad gets home sometime that day. OOP writes the first part of the update that afternoon. OOP asks his dad if his friend can come over sometime after writing the update. Friend comes over and Ava goes bananas. OOP updates post again when it is near midnight his time- so technically November 2.

New Update: AITA for not closing the door while showering even though my sisters boyfriend slept over?

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17qeej9/new_update_aita_for_not_closing_the_door_while/

17qees5

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Pretty\_Analysis6860](https://www.reddit.com/user/Pretty_Analysis6860/). She posted in r/AITAH and r/offmychest **Trigger Warnings:** >!physical assault; emotional abuse; !< **Mood Spoiler:** >!progress!< **Off My Chest** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/17hipnf/my_24f_mom_is_nosy/)**: October 27, 2023** **Title:** My 24F mom is nosy I 24F recently got married in late September of this year to my husband 28M. Last year we moved in together when I got engaged. My husband bought a house in the U.S. while my parents live in Japan. My mom has been staying with us since the wedding because it’s her first time in our home and she wants us to all fly back together to Japan for winter holidays in November. My mom has always been a very controlling person throughout my life. For some background to explain her personality she's always had high expectations from me, very hypercritical of my looks, academics, talents ... forced me into ballet as a child then essentially admonished me for not having the idealistic slender body of a ballerina (I have a narrow upper body but a curvier lower body with naturally wide hips - anatomy which cannot be changed with any diet but she would still try to starve me because my shape was 'unbecoming' for a ballerina). She would not let me play in the sun or join sports. She would not let me cut my hair. I could not hang out with friends after school. Extra tutoring, extracurriculars, strict routines. If I upset her in any way, she would smack me on the palms of my hands until they were raw. I could have a fever and be at home from school and she would still come into my room and sit on my bed to make me study. Even if I was delirious I had to stay conscious, participate and provide the right answers. I had a rough upbringing to say the least. Anyway, i've largely addressed most of these things as I’ve grown up and independent of her. But a few things remain as ongoing struggles - she is incredibly nosy and still tries to critique my life and all of my decisions. My husband is Japanese/Korean/American mix. When she first saw a photo of him she was swooning but as soon as I told her his background.. She had a problem about his race. She said such horrible things, some of which still echo in my mind today. I have a better relationship with my dad, but my dad is very submissive when it comes to my mom. My husband is the only person who can control my mom. He is very assertive and blunt. He has an intimidating aura and is unfortunately the only person who can put her in her place. To find her way around this, now my mom waits until he is out of the house to come for me. Ever since she's been living here, I feel like prey in my own home. She's been snooping around the house and did a lot of it while we were gone on our honeymoon. We have a detached garage next to the house, My husband uses the main floor garage, and upstairs he converted it into an art studio for me. My mom has gone through my studio and looked through all my journals and sketchbooks... She has gone through our closet, my clothes, my lingerie, personal items, jewelry, and most recently .... my '🌽 drawer'. I basically have a drawer in our closet in which I keep all that stuff. We put a lock on it for obvious reasons. She started degrading me about it, I was so upset I was streaming with tears. It was only when I threatened to tell my husband did she admit it took her several days but she eventually found the key. When she does these invasions of privacy, she won't admit to them but i'll know she has seen something private of mine that she doesn't like because she will not-so-subtly hint her disapproval. It will show in her behaviour, attitude, general vibe.. that she's displeased. And then she will poke me over and over again to force me to play a twisted guessing game with her. It is nauseating. And painful. I know she's my mom, I will love and take care of her no matter what, she has her good moments too, but her personality is so exhausting. I am sure my dad is having a great time in Japan living alone while she's with us here. I feel so guilty about it but I look forward to having space from her again. I am counting down the days. When I see other people and their closeness to their moms I can't relate.. I feel really sad about that. That's partly why I think I try so hard to bring my mom close, but her behaviours and judgments always hurt me. I wish I was stronger, but I admit lately I don't have the energy to deal with her. Tonight she was getting physical after having too much wine.. while yelling at me about my decision to take a break from work. Luckily my husband came home early. I ran and got behind him for cover. She kept trying to reach around him to grab me. She was not listening to his calm voice, so he had to raise his voice on her and that's when she stopped suddenly and just ... went to her room. When she acts like that, I feel so anxious. I was holding my partner's shirt in my fist so tightly I didn't realize my nails were digging into my skin. I left her water, ibuprofen, a small meal at her door. I just know for about a day she is going to give me the silent treatment and start refusing to eat...... ah i'm so tired. Edit: not actual 🌽 what I mean is toys and stuff. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Wtf, kick her out:* "My husband did tell her since she got physically abusive that night… if there is even one more incident he will buy her a plane ticket and send her home early. I just hate that she sours and it will impact our holiday time as family later this year. I feel bad for my dad too.. he needs a break from her. That’s why I’m putting up with her. I will try to sit down and tell her she cannot get physical with me. Even though she will claim she was drunk and doesn’t remember 😮‍💨" *Someone shares their experience with their own mom, and reminds OOP she's an adult and does not have to put up with this:* "My mom is very much like yours, she will find a way to become a victim. Which is why she will do things like refusal to eat, let herself become sick even .. it’s her attempt to get out of the blame and reorient herself as the person we should be sorry for. My husband has given her a final warning for her behaviour or else he will send her home. I’m so sorry you have had to endure similar things." *Another commenter shares their experience and tells OOP cutting their mom out was the best thing for them:* "Thank you so much for sharing your story. It has given me a lot of comfort actually 💗 I think I am stuck on a hurdle you have now gotten past, where I keep giving my mom chances. Because of the wedding I opened up my heart to her again and tried to start fresh, but I’m learning a lesson from it now. So I agree with you that some people truly don’t change. She has no desire to. I will outline and set firm boundaries for visits moving forward and limit my contact as much as possible with phone calls, texts and stuff. As for this current visit, my husband has given her a warning, stating he has no issue booking her a new plane ticket and sending her home early if she picks another fight with me. She hasn’t spoken to me all day but at least it’s quiet. Thank you again for taking time to share. Xx" *One more thought from OOP:* "Yes it’s unfortunate for everyone. I am putting up with her living with us for a while because I know it’s temporary as we otherwise live an ocean away, but also because I want to give my poor dad a break from her. A lot of people suggest to cut her out completely but I can’t do that. Maybe it’s a cultural thing or maybe just my personality but I don’t have the heart to abandon her. It would bring on a different kind of stress. But I have tried my best to create separation and boundaries. The distance between our homes is a deterrent and I will continue to work on the inner walls within myself, so the impact of her behaviour doesn’t take root. I think I’m just a little more sensitive than usual because of the recent wedding. I let myself become so vulnerable for that and I think she’s taking advantage. Tysm for your comments" **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17k2x0u/wibtah_for_sending_my_mother_back_to_japan/)**: October 30, 2023** My (24F) mother is currently visiting with us. We have a difficult relationship to say the least, and I've recently expressed this on Reddit in [another](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/17hipnf/my_24f_mom_is_nosy/) post. I am unfortunately back here on this website because I am at a loss for how to wrap my head around a new situation which honestly feels like a retaliation or some kind of attempt at asserting control. My husband (28M) is currently away for work, leaving just my mother and I in our new house. My mother is visiting from Japan, as we recently got married. She has been staying with us.. the plan was for us to travel back to Japan together in November. Since she arrived, my mother has been “a lot” to say the least. She had already received a final warning from my husband (you can see my previous post if you want). My husband told her if her behaviour toward me persists he will have no problem buying her a new plane ticket and sending her home early, by herself. Specific to this scenario, she has been criticizing our home in the most unnecessary ways. We purchased our home, brand new, turn-key. We have put a lot of work on top of that as well. My mom however, takes great satisfaction in finding faults in minuscule details, which she claims is constructive. She has been obsessed with the guest room closet. It is a large walk in closet, as this guest room is actually the main floor master. When we put her up in this room I had explained to my mother the reason there is shelving on only one side of this closet, is because we explicitly requested this from the designer during the finishing. We wanted space to neatly store some seasonal items and sports gear. With this simple explanation, I thought the subject had been closed. Yesterday I came home from a run wearing headphones. I went upstairs to my bathroom. I was about to start my shower, but shut the water off because I kept hearing this strange drilling sound below me. When it wouldn’t stop I wrapped a towel around myself and went downstairs, calling out for my mother. There was no response. I followed the sound and ran into 2 men standing around in the small foyer/hall area that connects to that guest room. They stared back half smiling, half dumbfounded. I was so shocked. I just froze. My mom appeared behind me, which gave me another scare, I almost screamed. She said something like “(my name) oh my, put some clothes on, stupid girl” in Japanese. I was speechless, crimson, embarrassed .. I got myself out of there. I finished my shower, got dressed, by which time the men had all left. I confronted my mother. Without asking me, or my husband (who is conveniently away), she found these random men from online (they are probably not even certified or a real company), invited him into our home, and had shelves put in. The shelves don't even match by the way :)) I will now have to remove them and clean up the wall. I feel humilated and disturbed at what I can only assume is a twisted power move. I have to pay for this service, because my mother claims she does not have the money, but also “it is your house”. She gave access to our home to people from Facebook or something, who could have cased the place after she so graciously told them it is just the two of us women currently living here, but more often just me, as (in her words) my awful husband is frequently away. I have been having a hard time falling asleep at night because i'm worrying about getting robbed or worse. I live in a secluded area, on an acreage surrounded by woods. Absolutely surrounded. I can’t even see my neighbors. Since my husband had warned her to keep her behavior in check .. I feel like it is absolutely fair to send her back to Japan early. But I am also scared to send her because then I’ll be alone. I don’t have any siblings but I have a cousin abroad who thinks I am being an AH if I send my mom packing. She is a frail woman and never travels alone. She is also my mother, no matter how horrid she can be. My husband said he will book her a first class ticket with someone to collect her from the plane and escort her.. that she will be comfortable. He wants me to stand my ground. He assures me I’ll be safe. He can monitor the home from our security system, briefed me on some scenarios, things like that. A part of me wants to keep her here so I won’t be alone. She and I are currently not speaking to each other (her decision, ironically). **TLDR**: WIBTAH if I send my frail mom back to Japan because she violated my privacy, put my safety at risk and undermined me in my own home? **Update 1 (Same Post, Same Day)** I am booking her flight right now. She is feigning an aura migraine… asking me to take her to ER which I am not doing. So now I am being accused of letting her suffer. We have pain meds at home and there is nothing ER can do for aura migraine. I am going to try to take her phone away because she will 100% call her own ambulance \[[Clarification](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GbyUMBOgzU)\]. Omg I regret letting her back into my life so much. Thank you to everyone for your support. You have given me the push I need to follow through and send her home. This is the first vertebrae I’m gaining in hopes of one day growing a spine. I’ll probably explore my excessive guilt around this decision in therapy. In the meantime .. I’ll try to keep reminding myself I’ve done the right thing. ***Relevant Comments: (I included more comments than usual because I feel like they add quite a bit more context and information)*** *Clarification on the aura migraine thing (also in OOP's link above)* "This is true. I understand what you’re saying. But it’s not that black and white in this particular scenario. I would never withhold medical care from my mom. However .. She was not having an actual aura migraine. I was not clear in how I wrote it— I have reread it and see how it could be misinterpreted; however, it was more like a statement she suddenly made when I brought up the flight home. “You’re giving me aura migraine. Take me to the hospital, I can’t listen to this”. That sort of response. I told her no. We will follow her treatment plan first. Which she has specifically for her migraines. She also had none of the signs and symptoms we have both been taught to recognize which would warrant emergency medical (changes to speech is one example). She declined other symptoms too when I asked. She declined her migraine medications as well. She poured herself a glass of wine 5 minutes later, flipped on the tv at a loud volume, and chatted with a friend on the phone in her room. I did not end up taking her phone as she locked me out of her room. My mom has called police and ambulance back home under false pretences many times. While I totally understand where you’re coming from, in some cases intervention is necessary too. Within reason. And this felt reasonable to me." *Get security, don't pay the guys and SEND HER HOME:* "Fortunately we have cameras and a security system. It’s more just my general sense of unease, knowing she picked these random people off of FB marketplace. I think I have to pay for the closet because I don’t want retaliation or issues with the men who did the work they were hired to do. The money involved in this situation is frustrating.. but it’s whatever, it’s everything else that’s breaking my heart. And I feel annoyed at myself for feeling guilty about sending her home. While on the internet it seems unanimous that I should.. my family and friends are telling me to have some patience and stick to our original travel schedule (2 weeks from now). My husband says it is more about the principle of it than the convenience at this point and he is willing to put in extra money to send her home — stat, because she broke her promise to him and disregarded his warning in his absence. He wants to execute for that alone. .. I feel torn. I’m hesitating and emotional about it. I recently lost a grandparent (maternal grandmother) to travel during Covid so I get scared of something happening to my mom .. then I’ll feel sorry forever." *Several commenters are fairly blunt about how OOP needs to grow a spine:* "Thank you for being very blunt with me. I think I need to develop some maturity in this area, because clearly I am being quite passive. I am almost unknowingly making excuses for her to stay instead of following through with the warning my husband laid out for her very clearly … reading these comments is making me realize that. I am also realizing that I have hid behind my husband while he handles my mother but what he deserves is for me to stand my own ground too.. I need to start exercising my own assertiveness instead of always leaving it to him. Not only does that always make him the bad guy .. you’re right, it will become so tiresome for him." *You're probably thinking "it's not that bad," but it is. Also get therapy:* "You’re right .. if I hadn’t come on here I would not be able to see it, it is when you all present it back to me that it becomes so painfully crystal— I feel shocked that when I’m left to my own devices and thought processes I can’t see what I see now. So I am definitely being blindsided .. and I will seriously consider therapy to undo that. I appreciate your support so so so much. I wish I could express better how helpful it has been." *Mom wants something else:* "She has been hinting at wanting to move in. But I’ve largely ignored this. She keeps saying “when you’re expecting, we’ll talk about it then”" *She deliberately put you in danger, what the hell is wrong with her?* "This is one of her manipulation tactics. She puts me in uncomfortable situations because she knows my embarrassment will overwhelm me. She has been doing that to me my whole life. Putting me down to keep me under her control. Humiliating me in front of the men by leading me into that situation.. when it’s likely she 100% heard my calling her name. She stayed quiet as a mouse on purpose." "I think a doctor once diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder among some other things like complex ptsd. Instead of exploring her mental health.. which I offered to help her navigate.. she changed doctors." *On her family catering to mom:* "It is true that even my dad is very much under her control. One of the reasons I was putting up with her behaviour was to give my poor dad some time apart from her too. They flew in together for my wedding, and he left on his own. My dad has heart problems. I am sure her behaviour does not help his blood pressure. He had a heart attack a few years ago from stress and has several stents in now. The source of the stress is probably my mother. I was sacrificing my sanity a lot because I wanted him to get a well-deserved break. But it's been several weeks now.. and she's escalating. If I don't act I might undermine my own husband and I don't want to disrespect him. Thank you for being frank with me." "This is very true about my family. They are also very 'keeping up appearances' type." *They were probably not real tradesmen:* "They absolutely were not. They were scary looking randoms, standing around sipping on beer which my mom provided to them. Only one guy was working. 3 people for what they did was unnecessary. She was offering a bowl of trail mix as if entertaining guests. I’m going to cringe for a long time revisiting that experience in my memories. My husband still doesn’t know the part of the scenario where I was in a towel. I wanted to control his rage a little. I will tell him that detail in person." *One more comment from OOP and why she hasn't gone NC:* "II was childishly hoping by moving across the ocean my problems with her would diminish. For a long time I was NC with her but I opened up communication very recently when I got married. I introduced her to my partner, invited her to my wedding, let her stay with us and tried to start fresh. It was a big mistake and I am having a rude awakening. Like the phrase you give someone an inch and they take a mile. I am feeling like she is trying to manipulate me into accepting her to live with us by making me feel unsafe and incapable in my own home. If not that, then she’s just mad at my husband for making a threat and so in his absence she is pushing me with this absurd power move to see whose side I am on." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17lliwp/update_for_wibtah_for_sending_my_mother_back_to/)**: November 1, 2023 (2 days later)** I have updated the [original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/JwBzLItgJE) post as well, with the same text but someone suggested to me to make a separate update post. I hope the etiquette is correct. So here it is. **November 1, 2023.** My mom's flight was at 2 AM. Direct with no stops. I packed her belongings the night before, while she was having her 'migraine' (aka sipping wine and gossiping on the phone). I placed her suitcases in my vehicle. I informed her of my decision in the morning. Leading up to it, I discussed her behaviour since the wedding, listing all the incidents and her lack of remorse or willingness to respect us and our home. I reminded her of the warning my husband had given her only a few days ago. And that as a result of her actions, I will be following through with his warning in his absence. She will be going home. She smiled the whole time while I was talking. I asked her "mom, do you understand?'. She said she understands that I am (hard to translate in English) .. basically a weakling/coward who is blindly carrying out my husband's 'bidding'. She also made a point to be extra cruel by describing my husband as having 'dirty blood' and a few other slurs I won't get into due to the second-hand embarrassment/shame I feel about it. My partner is mixed race (Korean/Japanese/American). She has specifically, strong anti-Korean sentiment (it's so stupid). I clarified that this decision is mine. My husband is not here. She gave a rude laugh. I explained her flight information. 'We'll see' she said. I don't think it hit her that this was really happening until later that evening when I started to pack up the remaining few things (like her essentials, and carry-on stuff). She tried to fight with me to undo the packing. She slapped me many times but I continued, literally while she was slapping me, dragged the stuff to the vehicle while the verbal and physical barrage went on. I have a few little scratches from the swipes of her nails. One of them is on my face. She then tried to pull my hair (I have really long hair) as I was going up the stairs. I could have fallen backward but she didn't get a good grasp. I shouted at her if she doesn't stop, I will call the police. I don't care anymore. I will embarrass her by slandering her in my personal life any chance I get. I threatened to discuss her in articles (I have been published here and there for my art, like little spotlight interviews..) I dialled 911 on my phone and showed her. She called me an 'insufferable bitch', and also threw in 'slut' because somehow that's fitting. But she left me alone after that. I had a friend of my husband come and escort us to the airport. He is a stone-faced ex-seal (but totally nice guy, just my mom didn't know that lol). He also drove me back. It helped a lot. When he showed up things calmed down significantly because my mom behaved in a stranger's presence. Smiling curtly and everything. I tried to give her a hug \[[Clarification](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/xDdTCgdzlo)\] at the airport and she walked away making a vague threat about how her death will be on my conscience. We never hug unless it’s for photos anyway so maybe it was too much. So \~ she's gone. I have an extremely bad headache today, from all the stress and tension that had built up. I am not going to bother my husband \[Clarification: I have kept him informed, just not detailed, like my mom hurting me.. I will tell him everything in person\] because of his temperament and because he has a high-stress job so just staying strong, going to do self-care/self-soothing stuff today. And try not to feel sick or guilty (it's not even really guilt.. it's hard to explain the feelings, I just feel awful). Thanks everyone from the bottom of my heart.. I truly would not have been able to do this without the support and encouragement I received from you. I hope I can (without losing my innate compassion and warmth) continue to grow, mature, heal and do the right things like standing up for myself (aka not being an AH to myself) I hope this is a good update. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Way to go. Take a picture of your face so you can remember why you cut her off:* "This is a good idea. I will do it. And then maybe put it in a folder and 'hide' it in my phone so I don't have to look at it every day in my gallery. Normally I just stare at myself in the bathroom mirror for a bit while I cry (and then I wash my face and compose myself). It's so weird, I know, but I have been doing this since I was a kid. It's kind of like acknowledging something bad happened to me.. I look at 'her' (me) and confirm my feelings are valid. Like.. 'I see you, even if no one else does'. It's strangely.. comforting. Thank you so much. Feel hugged from me too 💗" *The hug (OOP linked to the comment in her post)* "I know it’s so weird .. I was telling someone else here that as well… We actually never hug, I think it was just a sudden impulse that came over me. I felt so guilty and uncomfortable and maybe even relieved she was leaving .. I was trying to smooth everything somehow in the final moment so an attempt was made, but I know I need to learn to feel secure and comfortable with these decisions." *Police report:* "I think .. if I ever need to, I will just lie and make her feel I have reported her, but I don’t have the heart to do a real report. I am also too drained and sometimes police interaction itself even when you’re a victim is exhausting." *THERAPY:* "I absolutely will look into therapy. It is the next step. I’m going to search for a trauma-informed Asian female who will be better able to understand my experiences / family background (generational trauma etc) as another Redditor kindly suggested to me." *Going low contact and mom's xenophobia:* "I will definitely go super low contact for a while, and during winter holidays when we briefly see her (we will be staying in separate accommodation) I will keep conversations very minimal and short. My dad is supportive and he will understand. I knew my mom was a tiny bit xenophobic because my Grandma (her mother) absolutely was.. but the full extent of it came out when my mom realized my husband’s background. Sometimes I think it’s just a way for her to dislike him, something that she can easily pick out as she would have maybe disliked him regardless. She hates his American side too. It’s the perfect double whammy for her 🤦🏻‍♀️ my dad used to have some stupid views too but he changed a lot as I grew older and had talks with him, he is someone who still tries to learn and evolve himself." *More on mom's history:* "Sadly yes, she was always very controlling and demanding since my childhood. Her mother (my grandmother) and her had their issues as well. I don’t want the story of my mother to be a generalization of Japanese mothers, so please if anyone sees this, don’t read it that way, because my mother’s behaviour is not normal— it is on the extreme. My mother is shaped by her own trauma and mental illness. This is my experience but it does not mean it will be common one." *If you decide to see her during the holidays, make sure to have a plan:* "My husband has taught me some subtle cues and signs I can give him that mean different things, he is really good at reading me even without them but I use them when I’m around my mom, and he will respond. I will practice my assertiveness though so hopefully he will have to take over less but he’s always there like my shadow, and will step in when necessary. You’re right it’s a big decision, I will make a strategy / plan with my husband when he comes home." *Telling husband:* "I made a clarification in my post .. I should have worded it better. I have kept my husband informed I just have not given him details .. like her hitting me, the stairs incident, the fact that I came down in a towel etc.. So he is up to date but I will save the full depth of everything that happened in his absence for when he comes home. I think it’s best not to rile him up, especially since I was able to successfully send my mom and she is now home." *One more thought from OOP:* ".. I would definitely accept a hug! 🫂 Thank you so much, for your support and encouragement. The suggestion for help to the airport was another Redditor. You guys helped me a lot. I will absolutely tell my husband, in proper detail when he is back. For now I just gave him a brief update so he knows I’m okay, that my mom got on the plane. Just recently my dad confirmed she is home now." **Editor's note-** Please remember to be civil in the comments

WIBTAH for sending my mother back to Japan earlier than anticipated due to her behaviour

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17qees5/wibtah_for_sending_my_mother_back_to_japan/

17qeezi

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/iLabrador](https://www.reddit.com/user/iLabrador/). They posted in r/vancouver Short and sweet. Palate cleanser! **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/vancouver/comments/17kstqb/25_yo_first_time_trick_or_treating/)**: October 31, 2023** I have a costume and all! Where should I go to trick or treat in Vancouver for the first time in my life where they wont look weird at me that I am 25 >.> Edit: everyone is assuming I’m a dude and some perv. I’m actually a petite woman who immigrated from a country that doesn’t celebrate Halloween and whose parents did not take anywhere. I will say this subreddit has let me know that I shouldn’t go, mostly for my own sake. Sorry if this created some bad feelings. **Editor's note:** While there are quite a few negative comments, the top comments end up supporting OOP and telling her to go **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/vancouver/comments/17lfjtr/update_25_yo_first_time_trick_or_treater/)**: November 1, 2023 (Next Day)** I ended up going out to trick or treat for a bit in the Douglas Park neighbourhood and HAD AN ABSOLUTE BLAST! The success rate of getting candy was about 50% but I let everyone know this was my first time and made some great conversations! A kind house even gave me a bucket to mark this occasion and collect my candy. Next year I’ll be the one giving out candy for sure .\^ Thanks to anyone who may have contributed to this. - your resident panda **Image Description (on post)*****:*** a green bucket about half full with various types of candy ***Relevant Comments:*** *Wait, so half of the houses didn't give you candy even though you explained?* "Yeah they were not rude for most part, just nodded and smiled but didn’t give candy haha" *Costume:* "I was a full-sized panda .\^" *What kind of candy was your favorite?* Coffee crisp!!! **Editor's note-** this is apparently a Canadian thing. See [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_Crisp).

25 YO first time trick or treating

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17qeezi/25_yo_first_time_trick_or_treating/

17r5i6x

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Asleep_Percentage257, **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **AITA for kicking my dad and brother out of my house for telling me I’m going too far to advocate for my daughter?** Trigger Warnings: >!grooming, religious abuse, verbal abuse, sexualization of a minor, minimalizing!< &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17lf71h/aita_for_kicking_my_dad_and_brother_out_of_my/) - **November 1, 2023** I’m an avid listener of the podcast and I really enjoy the takes y’all have on a lot of different situations and tonight was kind of a doozy and I feel like I’m going crazy….this is going to be a long one, lots of backstory so that you’ll better understand the situation. I’m sorry if I ramble, this just happened and I’m still so angry I’m shaking. TLDR at the bottom if you don’t want to read this novel. 🥴 I (39F) and my husband (40M) have four kids but this really only concerns our oldest daughter, Stella, 15. My husband and I want all our kids to have some type of involvement in the community so twice a month the oldest two serve as ushers with my dad at our local Catholic Church. This consists of them (Stella 15, Owen 14) holding doors open for people coming to church, passing out the baskets for the offertory and “dismissing” pews to get up and in line for communion. My father is also an usher so they do this with him. This past Saturday was their day to usher, my parents picked up all 4 kids and took them to church and dinner. When they got home my husband and I were at a Halloween party but Stella texted to tell me they were home and watching a movie and asked me to send her some pictures of everyone’s costumes. The next day, Stella tells me that she doesn’t want to usher anymore. She said as she was holding one of the doors open an old man named Joseph (80’s) who is apparently very active in the church walked up to her and told her to follow him. He directed her to the main doors of the church to greet people. He held her hand the whole time, asked her how old she was and if she had a boyfriend, told her she is so pretty but she should smile more. Then he demanded that she smile at everyone coming into the church, told her that he would be her boyfriend and asked her if she loved him. She said she was very uncomfortable but couldn’t get anyone’s attention to help her. He then tried to make her sit with him during mass. After Stella told me all of this, I IMMEDIATELY called my mom to ask her what happened because I hadn’t heard anything from her, my dad or Stella about this until right then. She said that Stella did tell my dad that she was uncomfortable and he told her she didn’t have to usher and she could go sit with my mom and her younger siblings for mass. My mom told me she was not made aware of everything that had happened. All she knew was that Stella was uncomfortable around the man. So to the meat of the story…. My brother (36) came over last night to see my husband for a little bit and while he and hubs were in the garage having a drink, my parents dropped by unannounced to bring the kids some candy. I hadn’t spoken to my dad since I had learned everything that had happened at church a few days prior. So after greeting my parents I asked my dad if Joseph serves in an official capacity at church and my dad said no. I then asked my dad if he was going to talk to the head priest to make him aware of the situation and he said he only planned to talk to him if Joseph gave him any pushback. I argued that the priest should be made aware because we don’t know if this is a pattern of behavior, if he has dementia or something other illness that causes him to not be in complete control of his actions or what. I just wanted the priest to be made aware so he could keep an eye out. My father argued back that Joseph is just a nice old man who got out of line because in this day you can’t be nice without it being taken the wrong way. Cue the head explosion…. I told him that sweeping this behavior under the rug by just asking this old man for an apology and not saying anything else about it makes it possible for Jospeh to behave this way with another girl. My father continued to argue his point and said that if he did what i was asking, the church would just prevent him from doing what he likes to do at church. I then very loudly told my dad that if being a Fucking creep is what he enjoys doing, then maybe the church SHOULD prevent him from doing that and told my parents they needed to leave. As my dad was walking out he said sarcastically, “I’m sorry I don’t want to crucify the old man.” I fucking LOST IT y’all. I yelled at my father that I was sorry that he cared more about some old man’s feelings than his own granddaughter’s. My brother then decided to get it on the shit show and started saying I was just being vengeful and wanted to vilify the old man and preclude him from a public space and that what happened wasn’t THAT big of a deal, while standing three feet from Stella. I was so fucking pissed at this point I was crying and shaking. I told my brother that he likes to act like he’s the smartest person in the room but he’s a lazy POS who drowns himself in conspiracy theory bullshit because he feels it justifies his laziness. I told him he was loser and he needed to get out of my house. My dad immediately went into damage control mode and apologized for making me feel like I was making an unreasonable request or like I was personally going after some guy I’ve never even met. He said he would talk to the priest and my mom, who was on my side completely, said that they would always do whatever they had to do to keep their grandchildren safe. I couldn’t even look at my dad. I just asked them to leave and said goodbye to my mom. I went back out to the garage where my husband was and explained everything that had happened because he was expecting my brother and I to come back out. He wasn’t involved in the conversation because initially I was just going to try and get them out of the house as quickly as possible but then when everything started I went in to fight mode and didn’t even think about getting my husband. He is also 100% behind me and feels that my dad and brother are both in the wrong but he’s letting me take the lead on this since it’s my family but will absolutely be there for any other conversations we have on the subject. So, am I asking too much? Is notifying the people in charge about what happened going too far and vilifying this man? I don’t think so, but I CANNOT explain my father and brothers position on this. AITA? TLDR: My 15 year old daughter was made to feel uncomfortable by an old man when she was at church with my parents. My dad thinks that making the lead priest aware of the situation is going too far and said I was trying to crucify the old man for being nice because in this day and age, a man can’t be nice without it being taken the wrong way. My brother took my dads side and I kicked them both out. UPDATE: I have an appointment with the priest tomorrow at 2. I will be going with my father because he was there, and Stella can decide for herself if she’d like to come, I will not force her. Edit: I’d like to address some of the more common comments I’m seeing. Many people have questioned why I waited for my dad to handle this instead of taking the lead and speaking to the head priest myself. I honestly thought I could count on him. I was raped by a boyfriend in high school but never told anyone. I tried to suppress it for as long as I could but three years later, I found myself in a bad situation in college and while I wasn’t harmed, it caused everything to come out. My father was beside himself. He wanted to kill the boy and felt so much guilt because he wasn’t able to protect me. I honestly believed that the experience he had with me would make him act with much more urgency. Clearly, I was wrong. Regardless of that, I still should have been the one to handle this and shouldn’t have waited for my dad. I also know that the Catholic Church has a shit record when it comes to SA. I love my faith and my religion but I do have a lot of issues with the church itself. That being said, I’ve never been given any reason to doubt that my kids would be safe at church with my parents. They have many friends that they go to church with and are involved in youth group. I knew there was going to be some pushback simply because the initial situation happened at a Catholic Church. I won’t try to change anyone’s mind but I will say that my experience in the church, up to this point, has always been good and I have found a lot of comfort in going to mass as have my children. I would never knowingly put my children in harms way. I’ll do my best to update you all after the meeting tomorrow afternoon. Thanks for all the love and support. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Intelligent_Read_697:** Honestly OP you should call the cops…it’s not a matter if the old creep will do it again…by how he behaved with your daughter he has done this before and your father plus brothers behavior is suspect in all this >**OP:** I will say, I think this IS too far. While I’ve never met the man, my mom said he is in his late 80s, uses a walker and has a hunchback. She’s also pretty sure he has dementia. Her own mother has dementia and she spends a lot of time with and goes to all of her doctor’s appointments with her so she know what to look for. Stella wasn’t physically harmed, and my husband both told her that if she’s ever in a situation where she feels uncomfortable or someone is touching her without her consent, even if it just holding her hand, she can remove herself from the situation. We’ve talked to all the kids many times over the years about consent and speaking up for yourself. Stella is VERY quiet and doesn’t like to make any kind of scene so I’m not surprised that she didn’t really know how to react in this situation. > >I don’t suspect my father of being involved in anything nefarious. He just HATES conflict and making waves, but this situation is absolutely deserving of a few waves. > >My brother is just an idiot with his head up his ass but not a bad person per say. > >I just want the right people to be made aware in case this HAS happened before or it happens again so that if it IS a pattern of behavior, the church can protect the other young girls who may be put in a similar situation. **No-You5550:** EAH except your daughter. Why are you not going to the church with your daughter? Doing public service is not church. Try feeding the poor or something. I want to point out the church has a history of rug sweeping child SA so why are you surprised? >**OP:** When gave the kids some options for community involvement we suggested going to the food bank once a month, helping at the local animal shelter or becoming involved in church in some way. They chose to become involved at church. > > I know the Catholic Church has a bad history of SA but I don’t see it as the church doing anything wrong in this situation, rather it’s an old man who happens to go to the same church as us. > >I do agree with you though that I should have taken the lead and gone to the church with my daughter herself. Since I posted this, my dad texted me and told me he has requested a meeting with the priest and I told him I will be joining him and Stella can join us as well, but only if she wants to. > >Edited to add: we normally do go to church with them, but this night was an anomaly as we were going to dinner and a Halloween party with our best friends. Prior to this, I’ve never had any reason to be concerned about my children’s safety with my parents. **silkruins:** Have you gone to the parish yourself? Or are you still waiting for your dad to do it for you? If so, why and what are you waiting around for? >**OP:** Since I made this post, my father texted to apologize and to let me know he has requested a meeting with the priest and I will be joining him. > >The priest is very active in the community and at the school which is not currently on the same as the church so just showing up at the church office doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ll be able to speak to him right then. But I do see your point. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17mgb1i/update_aita_for_kicking_my_dad_and_brother_out/) - **November 2, 2023** Before I jump into the update, I want to address some of the comments I was seeing… Stella was not alone at church, she was there with her grandparents, just not standing directly next to them the whole time. Joseph approached her after she held the door open for him because he uses a walker and couldn’t get the door open himself. When he asked her to follow him to a different door that was just a few feet from where she had been to help pass out brochures for the Knights of Columbus she thought it was a little weird but thought to herself that he’s an old man with a walker and she’s in church, what could go wrong. I know the Catholic church has a shit record when it comes to SA but the priest we met with is a good man that I know personally. He is the priest that married my husband and I and I trust him to do the right thing. I won’t try to change anyone’s mind about the church, I don’t know what your experience has been but mine and my family’s has always been good. Also, Joseph DOES NOT work for the church nor does he head any committee or volunteer organization. He’s just a weird old man who goes to church every single day and likes to feel involved. On to the update: When I got to the meeting today, which I recorded on my phone, my father started it by telling Father Thomas (FT for brevity) that at mass last Saturday, Joseph was a little too friendly and made Stella very uncomfortable. I interjected and said that that is not all that happened. I explained everything that Stella had told me. FT was absolutely appalled. Apparently there have been issues with him before, but nothing like this. He has tried telling parishoners that if you’re not a part of the Knights of Colombus then you aren’t a good enough Catholic – he was told emphatically that he cannot say things like that. He was also asked not to come back to volunteer at the soup kitchen because of how he was bullying the homeless people into becoming Catholic. FT said it is clear to him that Joseph has some psychological problems but there has never been any complaints about him like this. My father tried to say that at some point in Joseph’s life, it may have been normal to speak like that to women, my mother, FT and I all looked at him and said NO, it has NEVER been normal or OK for an old man to speak like that or to behave that way with any woman regardless of the age. FT asked what I was seeking, I told him that I wanted to ensure the safety of all the young women at the parish and ensure that no other girl would be put in the position that Stella was in. I also told him that sometimes elderly people have their drivers licenses taken away and perhaps he should be barred from volunteering in any capacity at the church from this point on. FT said he would be reaching out the head of the Safe Environment program in the diocese to put some new safeguards in place to make sure that this doesn’t happen to anyone else. My mother then said that my father would be speaking with Joseph and I immediately interrupted her to say, No, my husband and I will be speaking to Joseph. Many of you pointed out that I shouldn’t have waited for my father to address this because she is my daughter and you were all 100% right. I am not going to leave it to my father to make this man comfortable while telling him you can’t talk like that anymore. I gave FT my business card and asked him to update me after he speaks with Joseph and with the Safe Environment head to let me know how they will be addressing this and to set up a meeting with me, my husband and Joseph. When we left the meeting, I told my parents, specifically my father, that what he did in minimizing this situation is exactly why so many women don’t report things like this and it was nothing short of sexual harassment of a minor. I told my father that he can still think Joseph is a nice old man but that I would never be able to look at him the same way again and I don’t know if I can trust him with my kids. That was the gut punch he needed because despite this new side of my father I’m seeing, he’s always been a wonderful grandfather to all my kids. He owes Stella an apology but she doesn’t want one, she emphatically said she just wants to put this behind her and doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. As far as my brother goes, I got a non-apology apology from him via text this morning; “It shouldn’t go without saying, I’m sorry for getting involved and I wish I hadn’t interjected myself in the situation. It’s not my place and I support whatever you want to do.” I haven’t responded because I will go off on him again. I think I’m just going to let my husband deal with his bitch ass. Well, that’s all I’ve got y’all. Once I hear back from FT and have a meeting with Joseph, I’ll try to update y’all again. Thanks again for everyone who gave advice on how to help Stella through this and how to handle another situation like this, because let’s be honest – she will. **Relevant Comments** **CakeEatingRabbit** He also admitted it is not his place to have an opinion in the first place and that he wants to support you going forward? >**OP:** My brother may have said what you consider to be the right thing. What you have to understand is that there is a LOT of stuff missing from these two posts about him. > >In a nutshell, my brother has always been the “bare minimum amount of work” type of lazy. He uses conspiracy theories to justify why he continues to be lazy when he has a wife and two kids to support. He’ll never get ahead because the system is rigged so why should he try. > >He has a victim mentality and immediately prior to this blow up he was complaining to us about his marriage. My husband and I were telling him that we have been where they are now and it gets better if you do the work. He didn’t want to hear anything we had to say which is fine, but her kept complaining. I simply, and very calmly asked him if this was the marriage he wanted to model for his own son & daughter. He just looked at me all sad. > >My brother is the type that when he’s been caught and he knows he’s wrong but not willing to admit it, will lash out and make personal attacks to put you down. He’s always done it and has always been allowed to get away with it and I’ve fucking had it. > >No more boys being boys and no more manny being manny. If you’re going to be a awful human being, you’ll get called out on it. > >You’re welcome to your opinion, I’m not trying to change it, but I’m hoping this will help you understand why I won’t accept his half apology and that I’m not just being a petty bitch. &nbsp; **DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED, SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED** [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17sd8b9/update_aita_for_kicking_my_dad_and_brother_out/?share_id=Pf4hhtCM6M1hbdzfyRUnO&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **November 10, 2023** Many of you asked for an update on the situation with Joseph after we met with him…I’m a bit technologically deficient and have no idea how to link the previous posts so if you’re not familiar with the situation, you can go to my profile to see the originals. TLDR: My mom is a boss, Joseph is an old creepy curmudgeon, Stella is moving on to bigger, better things being the amazing human she is and things with my brother are still unresolved. Earlier this week, I got a call from my mom and she told me that when she and dad went to mass last weekend, they spoke to Father Thomas before mass and he told them that he had spoken to Joseph about his behavior and told him that he was out of line in general with how he approaches people and tries to convince/guilt people into becoming Catholic but that his behavior with Stella was 100% inappropriate and wouldn’t be tolerated. Father Thomas told my parents that he seemed to be very apologetic and remorseful. Shortly after that conversation with Father Thomas, Joseph arrived at mass and pulled his walker up to the same door he stationed himself at with Stella and prepared to hand out brochures, there was no girl with him this time thank goodness, but it royally pissed my mom off that he seemed to move on without any consequences. She approached Jospeh and asked him what he was doing and she said he was very dismissive of her and told her he had every right to sit there and hand out brochures for the church’s different ministries. My mom said, “Well, Jospeh, nobody would have an issue with you doing this if you weren’t such a condescending bully about it, and what you did to my granddaughter was gross and inappropriate. If you can’t behave, then you SHOULDN’T be sitting here interacting with people.” Joseph told my mom that he did nothing wrong, he was just being nice, so she just stood there next to him to make sure that he didn’t cross any lines. He was so irritated that she wouldn’t leave his side that he went and took his seat in the church and waited for mass to start. She also said that she was going to tell her friends with young daughters/granddaughters to not let them be alone with him. That same day that I spoke to my mom, I got a call from Father Thomas. He said he spoke to Joseph and said that while he was apologetic, he didn’t think that my husband and I having a conversation with Joseph would be productive. He said he honestly believes that he has some mental deficiencies and that he is just a really stubborn old man. He was SUPPOSED to be moving across the country to live with his daughter a few days ago, but his wife fell and was hospitalized so the move likely won’t happen until she is healed and can make that journey. He said that my mom spoke to him after mass and told him she was upset that he was still sitting at that same door and she wanted him to do something about it, but it’s a public space and there’s only so much he can do but that the way my mom handled it was, “classic.” I told him I understand that he’s in a hard position but that my suggestion to him and all the other priests, volunteers and staff members would be that if they see a girl or young women with Joseph at mass the way Stella was, to approach them and make conversation with her to make sure that she is okay. I spoke to Stella and my husband about the conversations I had with both my mom and Father Thomas and they both are fine with the way things are. Stella reiterated that she just wants to move forward and forget about him. As a service project, she wants to start a ministry with the Safe Environment program to help girls and boys become more comfortable speaking up when someone is making them uncomfortable or they feel unsafe. I’m so proud of her for this and Father Thomas has set up a meeting for us to see what we can do and how we can start it. Things with my brother are still unresolved, I just don’t know what to even say to him. If you read my previous posts, you can see that I can be a bit long winded, and I don’t want to have a long drawn out conversation, but I also have a LOT that I want to get off my chest, so I’m struggling with how to approach it. A lot of people took issue with the fact that I hadn’t accepted his apology and that when I initially responded to him during the argument, I made it personal. Prior to the nastiness, my husband and I had been talking to him about his marriage (he brought it up) and how he and his wife (married 7 years) only talk for about 11 minutes a day and its only ever about the kids (they have two under 5). We’ve been telling him for months that individual therapy would be hugely beneficial as would marriage counseling but he just keeps saying it’s a racket and they can’t afford it (my parents have offered to pay for it as have my husband and I). That conversation ended with me asking him if this is the type of marriage he would want for his kids. He didn’t have a response he just looked me all sad. Something to know about my brother is that he has a Jupiter sized inferiority complex and he overcompensates by trying to make himself seem like the smartest, most virtuous person in the room and when he realizes he’s not or he’s wrong about something, he lashes out with personal attacks. My husband thinks that him coming at me was his way of lashing out for making him feel stupid. He’s probably right, I just want to do this right so that our relationship can be somewhat salvaged, I absolutely adore my SIL and their babies and I don’t want to lose contact with them. So, that’s it….mostly resolved. Stella is a freaking rockstar and I can’t wait to see where life will take her and hopefully I will find the wisdom and the words I need my brother to hear. Thanks y’all! &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for kicking my dad and brother out of my house for telling me I’m going too far to advocate for my daughter?

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17r5i6x/aita_for_kicking_my_dad_and_brother_out_of_my/

17r5ike

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/spe8 **I'm (28/m) starting to fall for my (24/f) 'wife' and am unsure how to proceed.** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Death of a spouse/mother in childbirth, mentions of past physical abuse, harassment, fears of stalking!< [Original Post - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1f9okx/im_28m_starting_to_fall_for_my_24f_wife_and_am/)  **May 29, 2013** This is all a very complicated and sad situation. About four years ago my wife and partner of 8 years passed away due to complications after the birth (very rare) of our second son. I was deployed at the time, and completely devastated. After flying home I felt that nothing would make me happy again. My sons are great (now 6 and 4), but overwhelming, so I asked a sister of one of my Marine buddies,Cass, to help out. She had been friends with my wife, but not great friends, and she agreed in exchange for a place to stay. At the time, Cass was only 20 years old and in quite a bit of debt in fault of her extremely abusive ex-boyfriend, who she had finally left about 3 months earlier. During the first few weeks of her helping out with the boys, she asked to borrow money to see a doctor due to shaking hands (no insurance). I happily obliged, she was an angel: doing all of the cooking and cleaning and keeping my young family together. It turned out that she had developed some sort of neurological disorder, probably brought on by repeated abuse. At the time it seemed simple: I had good insurance, she needed healthcare, I never thought I'd be able to move on from my wife, and she was afraid of intimacy. I agreed that I would marry her, but keep our platonic relationship. She promised not to burden me with her debt, and we had a prenuptial agreement and all. I know that this is 'fraud' of the government, hence the throwaway, but we were both so damaged and needed somebody, if not intimately. The past three years have been about as good as expected, if not better. Cass is great, better than great. She keeps the house spotless, had food ready every night when I get home, and has been working overnights as a baker and almost has her debt paid off. Her condition has improved greatly, also, due to the great medical care she was able to receive. With the boys, she is a saint. She tells them about their mother, shows them pictures, takes the places for fun, and even taught them how to read (of course the six year old just finished kindergarten, but my 4 year old is going to be the smartest kid in his class next year!). Sometimes the four year old calls her 'mommy' but she shhs him and reminds him that name is 'Cass' and that mommy is the angel whose picture is above the fireplace. Once her debt is fully paid off, the kids are in school, and she saves up a bit of money, she is going to go into a nursing program. Our relationship: still platonic, but very caring. I've cried on her shoulders more times than I can count, and she's done the same. One night I was very stressed out, and yelled at her about something pretty inconsequential (she had taken my sons to see Santa without me). She, of course, became quite frightened, but we worked it out and I even offered to pay for her to see a counselor (she didn't). That was two years ago, and we have had little fights ever since, but have been able to work through them. She seems to understand me whenever I'm hurt, upset, or angry, and is calming in a way that I can't explain... The problem, reddit, is that I think I might be falling for her. I've been noticing little things: her scent, her smile, her laugh. The way she smiles with her eyes when she sees me, how much my boys love her. Not to mention that she's gorgeous, hardworking, and one of the strongest people i've ever encountered. A few nights ago I almost kissed her after we had put the boys to bed, and her hugs goodbye have started lasting a little bit longer. The other day she was taking a nap in my bed (she was washing her sheets), and I wanted to join her. Not have sex with her, just lay with her and hold and kiss her I don't know what to do, or how to even bring this up. It's been four years since my wife died. I can only think of a quote from a Song of Fire and Ice books, in which a character says that 'When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.' meaning that since his true love has died, nobody could replace him. that's how I used to feel, but... there have been days where my thoughts have been occupied with Cass, and I haven't even thought about my wife. I feel bad about it, and I still miss her, but I never thought that I'd be able to 'move on.' I feel guilty and disloyal. At the same time, I want her. Not just sexually or physically, I want to be romantically intimate with her, not just as friends. I don't know how to bring it up. I don't want to scare her or make her uncomfortable. but this is becoming more difficult than I could have ever imagined. I was thinking about asking her to get dinner, just the two of us, and bringing it up. But whatif she refuses? How can I gauge her interest? If it means anything, the other day she was having a hard time with the boys (they were restless and being our of hand), so I brought her home some of her favorite flowers. She was extremely giddy and gave me another lasting hug and a quick kiss on the lips. I was taken aback, but she pranced around, finishing dinner and putting the flowers in a vase. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? TL;DR: After my wife died, I married a good friend's sister for healthcare benefits, and now I feel as if I'm falling for her-- hard. What should I do? **EDIT:** Fuck it. It's been an hour on here and you've convinced me to tell her. I've called her favorite fancy restaurant and made a reservation. Her brother agreed to babysit, and let her/ me stay at his place tonight if she isn't into it/ feels uncomfortable. She paid off her debt this morning (apparently, just just texted me a picture of the check), and next week is our three year anniversary, so that is the prelude. i'm going to tell her at dessert. I'm nervous as shit. **don't worry I'll update y'all (because so many have demanded it so!)** [Update 1 - I told my "wife" I loved her - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1fb0bg/update_i_told_my_wife_i_loved_her/)  **May 30, 2013** EVERYTHING WENT AMAZING. JUST GOT HOME. LOVE REDDIT. :) will update tom. time to go make out with my wife :) TL;DR: SHE SAID SHE LIKED ME TOO [UPDATE 2: I just spend the night snuggling and kissing my wife. Warning: This is kind of adorable and even I still don't believe it. rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1fbumh/update_i_just_spend_the_night_snuggling_and/)  **May 30, 2013** Last night was hectic as shit at first. Our younger son had eaten, what he calls, a "a giant fuzzy spider" and Cass wanted tot take him to the hospital, even though he was fine. Her brother (we'll call him Joe), told her that he'd take care of it, and basically forced her out of the house to 'celebrate getting out of debt.' She really didn't seem like she wanted to go. At all. I became fucking nervous. So we got to the restaurant pretty early, but luckily they had a table. She ordered wine, which was odd, because she hasn't drank much since she broke up with her ex, but I figured it was a time to celebrate. We made small talk for a while, but it seemed forced, and I knew that I had to tell her soon. So, before the entrees even came I said that I had something to talk to her about. She didn't smile and told me that 'she knew, Joe told her.' and my goddamn heart almost stopped. That fucker. i hurridly told her that I was so sorry, I didn't want her to find out that way, I wanted to tell her myself. She shook her said, frowned, and said that it was okay, she just wanted me to be happy and that I deserved it. I told her that I didn't want to stress her out or make her uncomfortable, but I just needed to tell her, and see how she felt, and that it was completely up to her. She gave me a look and said that it actually was up to me, and just to do what made me happy. She said that she was probably going to move out after her program ended, and promised to stay out of the way until then. It was then that I realized something was a bit off, and asked wtf Joe had told her. She said that he told her I wanted to take her out to dinner to tell her that I had started developing feelings for a girl, and wanted to ask Cass if it would be okay if I asked this girl out. It was **then** I realized that Joe had set me up for the most climactic pick up line ever to exist. Our entrees came (I had shrimp and pesto gnocchi, and she had crab legs for you detail lovers), and I explained that, yes I had started developing feelings for a girl, I just didn't want it to mess up what we had. She said that it wouldn't mess anything up, she still loved the boys and would take care of them and the house. I continued to then explain that I wasn't going to ask the girl on a date, though, and she asked, incredulously, why not. Then I dropped my smoothest line I've ever dropped. "Because I'm already on a date with her." Right? Thanks Joe, because he must know about your planned movie and really wanted that line. She gave me this look that she gives my sons when they tell her things like 'I'm going to the mall by myself' or 'I have a girlfriend named Tammy.' Then she looked away, smiled and shook her head and asked 'really?' I nodded and told her that I cared about her more than anybody else alive (other than my sons), that I loved our family, and that I had fallen in love with her. She then took a drink of wine, rolled her eyes, and said 'about fucking time, Alex.' And I'll never forget what happened next. Maybe it was a faux pas, but I leaned across the table and kissed her... spilling her wine. But neither of us cared and we kissed for about a minute, before she told me to get off her before her crab legs got cold (this was joking, but not. you'd have to know her). After leaving the restaurant we got ice cream and sat around and kissed some more, before heading home. Joe was sitting on our couch watching one of those VH1 dating shows with a shit eating grin on his face, and Cass ran in, screaming at him that he ruined everything and that she was going to have to move in with mom now. We let him believe it for about 5 seconds before bursting into laughter. He shook my hand and told me that the boys were sleeping and left. I picked Cass up and kissed her and carried her to my room where we... welll.... Made out for like two hours and snuggled the shit out of each other. (She isn't ready for anything else, but emphasized yet. I'll give her all the time in the world). At one point the youngest son came in because of a nightmare, and brought his dog (a golden retriever puppy) and claimed that 'the doggy was scared' so we, of course, let him in. I woke up early to make everyone breakfast (and of course, deliver), and am about to go and kiss my wife goodbye, and ask my boss for the second part of the day off so that I can spend more time with her while the boys are at school, preschool. (I'm really sorry I haven't replied to everything... I was a little busy, but that you all for the support) TL;DR: Her brother is a little fucker, all went well in the end, we cuddled the shit out of each other all night. [Update 3 - VERY quick Update: My wife and I are doing fine... - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1febht/very_quick_update_my_wife_and_i_are_doing_fine/)  **May 31, 2013** but I'm still unsure how to provide proof. I've lost the receipt for the restaurant and didn't pay with a card, and won't post pictures for obvious reasons (such as years of defrauding the government). But I will deliver and find a way. I promise, as a man of my word. Haven't I always delivered so far? And to those of you who are talking about a 'second wedding ceremony:' we just kissed for the first time two nights ago. Overly attached reddit? :) Finally, thank you to whoever gave me gold, I spent about $25 last night buying Joe beers. But next time, please use that money for real good. Take a vet to lunch, learn CPR, I don't know. But again, many thanks to you. I promise I'll update again in the future, but don't be angry if it isn't very often. I've been a little... busier than normal. Cheers. TL;DR: Everything is going great, will update sometimes, trying to figure out proof, thanks for the gold. [Update4 -[m/28] Everything with my wife [f/24] that I married for insurance reason, then fell in love with, was going well... until last night. - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1h1lay/m28_everything_with_my_wife_f24_that_i_married/)  **June 25, 2013** TL;DR of the **my life:** my wife died four years ago when I was deployed, and I (alex, 28, male) ended up marrying the girl (Cass, 24, female) who was taking care of my children and keeping up with my house while I was grieving. I did this because she was having medical issues stemming from past domestic abuse and had no insurance. Apparently I can't post this as an update because of some rule... it's fine. I'd advise anybody to look through my past submissions (I don't think i can post them on here) if you are interested in what happened about a month ago. But apparently this is a **different** issue. Things were going very well except I started developing feelings for her. I was afraid of scaring her, or making her feel unsafe, but reddit convinced me to take the plunge. Now I'm happily dating my wife. Hey everybody! i hope your workday is going well. My day has been crazy. Everything has been going wonderfully lately, though. It was somewhat strange at first explaining it to our friends and family, but most of them had already caught on... including my sons, who act as if nothing has changed. I'm pretty sure the little fuckers knew the entire time. Anyways, last night I came home and Cass was out of it. dinner was burnt (which is no big deal, I can't really cook well or anything, but it's out of character), and she was drinking (lightly, only one or two glasses of wine). i asked her what was wrong, obviously I was concerned, and she told me that her ex-boyfriend (Shithead, 30, male) got parole last week. I was flabbergasted, since she should have been able to tesify at his parole hearing I believe. Apparently the crime that he was incarcerated for was unrelated to the abuse (which I had always assumed was the reason), but Cass had been (1) assured it would put him away for a decade at least and (2) had been far too afraid to testify against him or press charges. apparently he'd been arrested for this felony, and when he was being held, he asked her to post bail, but instead she asked my first wife for help moving out and moving on. I don't know what to do, I don't think that we have any legal ways to put him back into prison. She knows that she should have gone to the police and is guilt ridden and upset about it now. I know that she's going to be safe, because if he tries to even contact her, I'll **take a legal recourse of action to make sure that he doesn't so much as touch her.** I've taken off work today, but promised that even when I go back, I'll have my buddies stopping by throughout the day. But I don't know how to make her feel safe. I've contacted my lawyer about filing a restraining order, and he said it shouldn't be too hard, but she's a mess. I just don't know how to make her believe that she's I doubt this piece of shit will come around, but I know what I'm going to do if he tries. TL;DR: her ex got out of prison, we weren't notified, she's scared out of her mind. [Update 5 - I (M/29) had fallen in love with my 'wife' (F/25) - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2fdll5/i_m29_had_fallen_in_love_with_my_wife_f25_update/)  **Sept 3, 2014** Hey Reddit! I first of all would like to apologize for not keeping you guys updated--I've honestly just been pretty occupied with life lately and last night I had trouble sleeping. I was just browsing the internet when an article came up about reddit and I thought, I wonder how those nice people are doing. Then I signed in an realized that a lot of you really care about how my life is going with Cass. The answer is pretty well now. Things got tough for a while when her ex was released from prison last year, though. She was so afraid that he'd contact her...until he did. I remember that night like it was five minutes ago. Somebody rang our doorbell and the oldest son answered. He asked for Cass. She told the boys to go upstairs and gave me a look and I knew. But she didn't look scared. The bastard apologized and begged for forgiveness and asked for a second chance. She was so brave. I wanted to kill him but she told him no and asked him to leave. He did, and he tried to contact her a few more times before we got an order of protection against him. Last I heard he moved upstate to live with his dad, or something. Around this time her brother Joe also got into a really bad car accident and ended up having to move in with us for a while. He's a great guy and one of my best friends, so we didn't mind, but it was a stressful time. About seven (or eight?) months ago we finally, ahem. Consummated our marriage I guess you can say. The boys are doing great and are really happy. Cass got a pretty good job (although I think she's working too much overtime!) and loves it. We're expecting our first child in February and couldn't be more excited. You could say that life is pretty good. I'll be around for another few hours if you guys have any questions. TL;DR: Things were bad. Now they're pretty damn awesome. [Final update - I (M/29) fell in love with my wife (f/25) It's a girl! - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/34b6gm/update_i_m29_fell_in_love_with_my_wife_f25_its_a/)  **Apr 29, 2015** Technically she was born early March, but I didn't want to make the title "It WAS a girl." Sorry for not updating; it was a pretty rough pregnancy (and Cass has put her foot down about wanting more--I guess three is enough), but everything turned out great! Little Therese was 21" and 9 pounds at birth, and as bald as I am! She's way easier than the boys were, she hardly ever cries and is the most photogenic baby ever!! Our youngest son is completely smitten, and always tries to "help"--it's less cute than you think. Joe is also doing okay. His back is still bothering him but he's dating a girl who actually went to my high school (two years younger than me, though). He's pretty happy with her, and we're all very happy for him. Other than new fatherhood, not much to update! I'm home watching the baby today while Cass it out, so I should be around for a while! **tl;dr:** It's a girl! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I'm (28/m) starting to fall for my (24/f) 'wife' and am unsure how to proceed.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17r5ike/im_28m_starting_to_fall_for_my_24f_wife_and_am/

17r5inw

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Tenacious-Turtle-747, **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **I threatened to call the police after my cat-sitter dodged agreeing on a time for me to get him, three times - AITAH?** Trigger Warnings: >!Fears of catnapping!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17jf4u9/i_threatened_to_call_the_police_after_my/) - **Oct. 29, 2023** i made a post in r/petsitting so very specific details are there but suffice it to say, i am only in this city for 4.5 months due to military reasons and needed to find a sitter here as i live full time about 11 hours away and my tour at this specific location is over in a few days, so i am leaving and presumably, never coming back. sitter has been watching him since june and we message every couple of weeks about him and ive seen him 3x in person for short visits. so a few days ago my tour is coming to an end and i asked her once over messenger for a good day and time for me to get him for good and she did not answer that, (but answered me when i asked if i could see him this weekend for a minute). so today i asked her in person if Thursday at xyz time works and her response was "well... i think i have to work that day" (and thats literally all she said). so then i left and for whatever reason i got a sick feeling, so i messaged her not long after "hey, so what day and time work? i can even get him the night before if thursday doesnt work." she saw it on FB messanger but didnt reply. so i sent it again. she saw it but no reply. finally, i sent "look im not saying youre the kind of person to do this but ive heard stories of pet-sitters taking someones pet so i need to hear back by 5pm today about when to get my cat. id hate to have to show up with the police over something like this." thats ALL i said in my last message. and before that i called her twice and got sent to voicemail (that wasnt set up) after 4 rings and then 1 ring. (so she likely saw my calls earlier). so anyways after i send that last message, she responds immediately, says things are "awkward now" and says for me to call her and she starts crying. i say look, you may be a great person but it should not take me asking when to get my cat, three times (and actually five if you want to be technical). her husband ended up taking the phone after she started blaming me for "thinking the worst," but to me, its a clear line in the sand. i dont know you personally, you dont know me, you get 3 chances. besides, i didnt even SAY i was going to show up with the police. so part of me thinks she had ulterior motives just because her reaction was so outlandish and she may have done that to tip the scale in her favor but i am asking here - AITAH? edit 1: in the phone call i said several times, "look xyz, you may be a great person, probably are, please dont take this personal but you just never know in todays crazy world." and at that point i was ready to admit, hell, maybe i was wrong, maybe she was, who cares, lets just make sure i can get my cat. edit 2: for clarification, the police said i had to file a report before it could be looked in to, so i did, but said i had several days to arrange a time for all of us to meet up to get the cat so its not like "we were all on our way to her house." no. you have to file a report which i felt i had just cause to do after the third time of me asking, they then call you about it when they can, it goes in the que at dispatch and they might coordinate with you as to when to show up together. some LEOs may be in here but thats how it is at this department (small city, probably limited resources). essentially, me filing a report was about like a formality - nothing real happens until the cops call back and we all meet up. edit 3: REALLY wish i could edit the title to say threatened to "show up with the police" since thats what i said in the text, verbatim. but for what its worth, the police said i had to file something for it to even get on their radar (no pun intended) and that i had a few days to pursue it. &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Inside-War8916** You've filed a report already, according to your other post, so why are you asking as if you havent? >**OOP replied:** > >Im not asking as if i havent. I did, Police wont/arent able to look in to until i do (and i didnt file one until AFTER the third message had gone unread. And if you read my post carefully, i say to her "show up with the cops" since the cops were tied up with other calls, said it would be a bit and also, in the mean time, i told them i would let them know if i heard back. id also like to reiterate that it took mer basically threatening to show up with the police before she finally agreed to a date and time. > >i see your point, but filing the report just means "its in their que" and they still had to talk to me to find out when/where to show up to get him. not that it is a formality, but there is a lot that has to go on between filing a report and "showing up" with the police, to her door. **Hour-Requirement6489** NTA, she was trying to keep your cat. She's the AH, you can love an animal while you petsit/foster them, but they're eventually going home with their owners, and that isn't her. >**OOP replied:** > >im starting to think she was trying to keep him and her letting me see him was her way or providing false reassurance shed give him up at the end. plus she called crying and just talking about emotions, etc. it just blows my mind this happened. you literally cant trust anybody these days. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/petsitting/comments/17l06my/update_to_previous_post_i_have_him/) - **Oct. 31, 2023** long story but after her husband took the phone from her, the conversation flowed good between he and i. he then texted me saying hey just talk to him from here on out which i did. we agreed on tonight for me to get the cat and this morning he texted me asking what time exactly. these things made me feel very confident about it. HOWEVER, i do feel deep down she was trying to keep him, which absolutely blows my mind that you literally cant even trust a cat-sitter anymore even with a professional looking setup. even THEY might take your cat and as such, ill be damned if i ever take him anywhere that isnt 1000% OFFICIAL and as business-like as it can be, IE, extremely well-known pet-clinic or vet with boarding services with tons of reviews. now the dilemma i have is whether to post reviews about her. Im tempted to, its just that if i had concrete proof she tried to take him, then i would, but now, she can say "oh i was going to get back to you" or "of course i was going to give him back" and her husband was extremely accommodating. for reference, ill post verbatim what i said leading up, so maybe its better for context: --- **1st time i mention getting him for good** (over FB messenger) (Oct 24th) me: not sure ill make it tonight for a quick visit, energy's gone, i might just see him next on the 2nd when i leave her: Okay. Can we reassess for this weekend later? Tomorrow I am off I am willing to meet later that evening but if you aren't feeling well that's okay --- **2nd time i mention getting him for good, no response*** (over FB messenger) (Oct 27th) me: hey lmk if sometime this weekend would work for me to swing by real quick, also i leave on the 2nd around 10am and i can get Bob that morning her: I'm thinking Sunday if that's okay? (just to see him for a quick visit, not to pick him up for good) --- **3rd time i mention getting him for good** (in person) (Oct 29th) me: so hey, i leave town on thursday nov. 2nd and i can get him at 10am, does that work? her: uuuhhh.... i think i work thursday (she claims she also said "but i can let you know by the end of the day" which she DID NOT say --- **4th time i mention getting him** (over FB messenger sent 1hr after i saw him at noon that day) (Oct 29th) (12:38pm) me: howdy, so i can get Bob the day before anytime after 3-4pm, does that work? would be wednesday Nov 1st **shows read but no reply** (2:37pm) me: when will you know? is there anytime that wednesday that works? **shows read but no reply** (3:03pm) me: If this wednesday or thursday do not work, i can just come back over today to get him. would that be better or wednesday or thursday? **shows read but no reply** (3:29pm) me: ? **does not show read** (4:41pm) me: sorry to bother you again, but if i don't hear back by 5pm i'll just head over to your house to get him. **she immediately responds with:** her: Wednesday after 7 is okay. Sorry I'm with friends at dinner **me: I will get him tonight. When will you be home? Honestly, i've heard of stories where someone's pet has gotten stolen and i'd hate for this to happen here and for me to have to show up with the police.** her: huh? me: I've tried to arrange a time 4 times now to get him and only after giving you an ultimatum, did you give me a time. I will get him tonight. Now i need a time that works. her: Call me. This is very awkward. You visited him today. I think this is weird. I don't understand what's going on. --- I call her and she proceeds to cry, say that i SHOULD NOT assume the worst even though she's dodged giving me a good day and time like 4x now. blah blah blah, husband eventually takes the phone, all went well after EXCEPT she sent these messages that night which i did not respond to: --- her "Hopefully whoever you have watch him in the future doesn't have a real second jod. / Really sad this interaction turned out this way. Really didn't expect that. / Bob is A good boy. I'm sorry you felt like I was doing something wrong but I was just loving him./ My husband will deal with you from here on out. / You told me I could apply the flea prevention as well I'm not charging you for it but just know you got more than you paid for / You were trying make arrangements for November 2nd and I set up a time earlier for you to see him I think that's pretty cruddy for someone think --- i never replied to any of that and the next day she sent me pictures of a halloween costume i had brought over for him that she put on him. and today she messaged me after the husband gave him back "I hope you and Bob get home quick and easy. Have a good trip." so anyways, i have to admit, i am torn, but would you all leave a review and if so, what would you say? hopefully word-for-word transcripts help. [Cat Tax](https://imgur.com/a/RPUexP8) the costume i immediately put on him (sorry, no shame) &nbsp; **DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED** **SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED** **OOP HAS APPEARED IN THE THREAD AND HAS PROVIDED MORE DETAILS. HAS GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO ADD IN.** [Latest Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/petsitting/comments/17l06my/update_to_previous_post_i_have_him/) Edit 11-10-2023 (8:10am) It may be somewhere in the post already but I was called to active duty military for a state-side operation and was assigned to temporary base housing which did not allow for pets. So because I did not want to go 4-5 months without seeing Bob, I asked for short visits (maybe 5-10mins apiece), once a month. At the outset, she said she'd be OK with "a few short visits" which honestly didn't really set well with me because I would have thought a reasonable sitter would say something like "Sure! Take him for an afternoon if you like," or something, but I was out of time and one shot was expired, which he eventually got, so no other sitter would or could watch him at that moment). I am NKNM and he may as well be my child (sorta but not kidding) (also, lesson learned, i mistakenly saw the shots & thought ok, he's good to go since i take him yearly but apparently, last time i went, he didnt get one of them - i now remember he was being too squeamish to get it - and all other sitters required it to have been within one year as this shot was approx 18 months ago. again, lesson learned). Edit 11-10-2023 (7:55am) I was analyzing her reviews more in-depth and there's 8 of them. However: 5 alone are in January of 2022 1 is in July 2020 1 is in February of 2020 1 is in December 2019 ....... does this not strike anyone else as a little odd? What happened in the 17 months between Jul 2020 & Jan 2022? Why has there not been one in the 21 months since then? And, from a statistical perspective, she gets single reviews very sporadically but then, all of the sudden, get's FIVE in one month (Jan 2022) and hasn't had one since? Kiiiiiinda seems a little off......... ........ I SHOULD have done better research initially and made sure to ask about this. Edit 11-9-2023 (9:24pm) I WAS NOT CRYSTAL CLEAR IN THE WEEK BEFORE PICKUP BECAUSE SHE HAD ALREADY KNOWN FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS THAT NOV 2ND WAS THE DAY WE WERE LEAVING. PERIOD. BUT APPARENTLY I HAVE TO TREAT ADULTS LIKE TODDLERS. HELL, MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT CRAYONS WITH ME & DRAWN IT OUT FOR HER - A CAT - BOB - WALKING AWAY FROM A HOUSE WITH IT'S HAPPY OWNER. Edit 11-9-2023 (8:38pm) I was reading over a reply from someone where, apparently, this blew up and it is important to note that, after I visited Bob on that Sunday when she dodged agreeing to a pick up time, I then went home and about 80 minutes later (maybe even less), I just knew something wasnt right and got a sick feeling, and I went right back over there and, mysteriously, no one was home or at least no one would answer the door even though one car was in the driveway. When I'd went there earlier, two cars were in the drive way. Of course this means they all may have taken one of the cars but i find it a little odd. Additionally, I pressed their "ring" or "nest" doorbell several times and no answer. I ALSO called her TWICE soon after, and got sent to voicemail after the FOURTH then SECOND ring so, at this point, SOMETHING is definitely not right. Edit 11-9-2023 (about 1pm) So apparently i did not mention in the original post here that she had been trying to get me to take two different kittens in the week leading up to all this. Additionally, she had known for literally months (since June 20th) that he would need to be picked up by Nov 2nd and KNEW this was for good as I was NOT coming back to this city. After talking to her husband, he then claimed "Well it's never a problem getting him when you want - I work 5 minutes away." And i found out she does not work past 9pm but mostly just 7pm, which raised my suspicions even more because if it's "always" this easy, why did she, very clearly avoid, committing to SOME time? &nbsp; # PER MODS' COMMENT: Here is your reminder that: IF YOU COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POSTS YOU WILL BE BANNED. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

I threatened to call the police after my cat-sitter dodged agreeing on a time for me to get him, three times - AITAH?

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17r5inw/i_threatened_to_call_the_police_after_my/

17r5j22

**I am not The OOP. OOPis** u/throwawayacct48031 ​**AITA for insisting on sleeping on puppy pads during my period?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, menstrual issues, misogyny, bodily fluid!< ​ [OriginalPost](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xhjtoq/aita_for_insisting_on_sleeping_on_puppy_pads/) **Sept 18, 2022** ​ So I (28F) was diagnosed in my teens with menorrhagia, or abnormally heavy/long periods. My periods were so bad I had to take days off school because I literally couldn't sit in class for more than about twenty minutes even with a pad and a tampon in, or else I'd be bleeding through - it happened enough my middle school principal contacted my parents to encourage I should stay home during my heaviest days. I am on medications now, and they've worked to the point I can comfortably go to work and don't have to deal with them as long, but my main issue now mostly comes at night. At night, I still have to wake up about every hour on the hour, or else I will almost definitely overflow. It is exhausting only being able to sleep for about an hour at a time and not even getting restful sleep during those hours, since I am constantly worrying if my pad is in the right position or if my tampon has already started to overfill. I work night shifts, so I really just appreciate my sleep. This is where my absolute saving grace came in: puppy pads. Using them, I could actually go to sleep without worrying, since even if I did leak I wasn't going to have to get up and change all my bed clothes immediately, and I could just sleep. I only need about one per period now, but it's just the peace of mind that I really cherish. However, I have been in a relationship now for about eleven months, and my partner (29M) approached me recently to ask that I stop using the pads. I was confused since he never seemed to mind them before (I explained why I used them when I first started inviting him over, and he seemed understanding), but he said that he thought it was just a temporary thing and he finds them incredibly embarrassing to have to explain, especially since we do not have a dog. We left the conversation alone for a few days since we didn't really get anywhere initially, but then, when I had been looking in the closet I usually keep my puppy pads in for something unrelated, I noticed they weren't there anymore. Turns out, he had thrown them away. I didn't want to keep arguing so I went to stay with my parents, but he has been blowing up my phone ever since telling me that I was overreacting, and that if my periods are really that bad, I should just get a hysterectomy and be done with it. My ex(?) has since asked if we could talk face to face, since he wants to know if I'm really going to "throw away our whole relationship" because of my period. AITA? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Kris82868** >NTA. Was he clear on why it bothered him so much? The only minus I can see would be the expense. **OOP replied** >>He said that it was just embarrassing to have to explain if he had friends over, and (while I didn't have room to include in the main post) he has two sisters and he said that because neither of them ever had to use puppy pads, he doesn't see why I need to. I guess he just thinks they're unnecessary **Kris82868** >>>Explain? Why would they have to be out when you'd have visitors? **OOP replied** >>>>We used to host game nights usually every Friday with some mutual friends, and it was not infrequently that they'd stay the night since we would all have a bit to drink. I assume he moreso meant they could see them in the trash (I do my best to cover them up so they're not like... *gross* in the garbage, but they are like a crazy bright green color so if you know what they are you know what you're looking at) , but I could see him maybe also being concerned about people maybe seeing them if our bed wasn't made (since, since our friends usually came over *every* Friday and I work nights, I don't always have time to make the bed) **FURTHER INFO FROM OOP IN THE COMMENTS** **COMMENT 1** >I'm realizing I should've probably included some more context, but he has two sisters and so he said that because neither of them use puppy pads I basically shouldn't have to either - the hysterectomy quote came when I reminded him about how heavy my periods are (compared to his sisters) so he was basically telling me that if it was that bad, why haven't I just gotten a hysterectomy (since hysterectomys can be done to treat heavy periods) **COMMENT 2** >Hello Redditor! I did just want to clarify that I do change them immediately when I bleed on them, so if I was to go to the bathroom at night and the pad was bloody I'd take it with me to throw out on the way. No worries about anyone rolling onto it, it's just part of my routine! I do also set alarms, that was why I mentioned in the post I normally need to wake up every hour on the hour (I set alarms at one hour intervals to go change), but especially on my heaviest days that is usually not good enough, so unless I want to stay awake all night sitting on the toilet and not sleep at all, I've been using the puppy pads to help stretch those hour intervals as best as I can manage. I've found they help for precisely those reasons though too, since if I do bleed on them I can clean them up immediately and not have to strip the whole bed down to wash instead. I have also tried the diva cup as well, but the results were really negligible for me -- I switch back and forth between tampons and a diva cup often, as in my experience I haven't found there is much of a difference. Thank you for your comment, have a nice day!! ​ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawayacct48031/comments/xif3th/update_from_the_aita_posted_yesterday/) **Sept 19, 2022** ​ Well, this is an unexpectedly quick update for sure, but an update nevertheless. I did want to quickly thank everyone who offered their thoughts on my previous post; it might not have been super clear in the original post, but our original argument happened about two weeks ago (time elapsed between our original confrontation and me leaving was a little less than a week, and I've been gone now for about a week and a half) and I posted my story earlier basically at the end of my rope thinking over what had happened and wondering if I really was just overreacting. So thank you, dear Redditors, for helping clear my mind! (Also thank you to everyone who recommended alternatives to puppy pads that might suit me better -- the main reason I started using them in the first place was just because my parents had some leftover after training their dog at the time and I had been living with them, so I just happened to have them on hand. I will definitely be trying some alternatives, though, so thank you for all the recommendations!!) On with the update, though: After spending a few hours reading through the responses to my original post, I felt validated enough in my feelings that I actually reached out to his sister, since I didn't want to meet my ex face to face like he had asked. She in turn asked me to call her, and while I won't get into exactly everything we said, she eventually admitted that my ex had actually been cheating on me, and she only learned about it after we had already broken up because he had been complaining about me "storming out." She didn't know how to reach me until I reached out to her, but basically, as far as she could figure out, my ex saw his other girlfriend whenever I was working nights, and, after hearing what I had to say, she thinks he probably invited her over one night when I had a pad pre-prepared for when I got home in the morning (as I would do when I worked nights, so then when I got home I could just go straight to bed) and she probably saw it, leading to him having to explain it to her. That was why he was so evasive about why he felt the need to explain the puppy pads, and, since his birthday is coming up now too, she and I assumed he probably brought this whole thing up in the first place because he was planning to bring his other girlfriend over when I had to work and didn't want to risk me having a pad down again. Suffice to say, ex is staying my ex and while I am a little upset that his sister didn't find a way to tell me about the other girl sooner, I don't blame her at all. Thanks again, dear Redditors, for all the amazing advice, and for helping me lose the rose-colored glasses -- I don't think anyone expected this update, but so it goes I guess. I won't be checking this as frequently anymore since it has been an emotional two weeks leading up to today (and will undoubtedly be while I work on moving on), but I appreciate each and every one of you. <3 ​**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for insisting on sleeping on puppy pads during my period?

REPOST

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17r5j22/aita_for_insisting_on_sleeping_on_puppy_pads/

17r5kcn

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/throwaway273837289](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway273837289/). She posted in r/AITAH Per the rules of this sub, the latest update on this post is from 7 days ago. If you have read this elsewhere, you may have already read the latest update if it was within the last 7 days. The most recent update comes from November 2, besides a few comments. Also- **I wouldn't eat anything while reading this.** (I promised a commenter I'd add that since they made that mistake.) **Trigger Warnings:** >!vomiting; discussions of truly abhorrent hygiene!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!honestly bizarre and confusing!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17l8l49/aita_for_making_a_21_year_old_woman_shower_for/)**: November 1, 2023** Apologies for the format, this is my first Reddit post and also a throwaway. I (23F) and my best friend Holly (21F) are completely sympathetic to the fact that having a shower may be a sensory issue for some people, and Chloe (21F) (fake names) claims this includes her. With this being said, she knew she was going away for a week (we had 6 months notice) on a marine biology field course, sharing a room with 2 other people. We were all friends before this trip. When Chloe is at home, she has a bath once every 10 days and is bathed by her boyfriend. We received absolutely no warning of this, nor did we receive a warning that she would not be planning to shower or brush her teeth for the duration of the trip. Marine biology is quite labour intensive, and of course involves standing on the beach and literally in the ocean. This trip also included miles long walks every day to get to these beaches. Had Chloe had a strip/baby wipe wash every evening, then the smell wouldn’t have gotten to this point, but my god you guys, the smell. It was straight up onions, vinegar and BO. I threw up twice because of it. Actually the worst smell from something living I’ve ever smelt. At this point (4 days of walking and climbing rock pools), we could no longer deal with the smell at all. Even our other friends that would WALK PAST the room would gag, I really am not being dramatic. Instead of using antiperspirant/deodorant, she was using impulse body spray (a perfume) under her arms, and on her feet, making the smell a million times worse. To top all of this off, there was an outbreak of bacterial meningitis in our class whilst we were away. It was ONLY at this point that we asked her to shower. We only asked her to shower to reduce the risk of infection, and we did also mention the smell at this point. We all weren’t sure about the ins and outs of this illness, and how it is spread, and wanted to be as clean as possible after seeing our classmates and being within close confines of them al day, we all remember the c word. We were treating it like that. We did ask nicely. We said the ROOM smelt and that if we ALL have a shower (we didn’t know it was a sensory issue at this point) then it would improve the smell and the situation for us ALL. Holly showered, I showered, then Chloe left the room to go see some of her friends. We were absolutely baffled. The next day, we asked less nicely. It was RIPE. She walks out of the room, and returns 5 minutes later with one of our uni lecturers. She had spoken to the uni lecturer and accused us of bullying her. She has also made an anonymous submission to our universities drama Facebook page which says the following (censored locations): **EDIT** had to remove her post as apparently some dude named Tyler took it upon himself to find out which uni I attend. Creepy. So here is my rewording of it. I have changed none of the context, just the words that were said so they can’t be found by people like Tyler: “If you want to go on this trip, don’t. I was bullied so much I cried every night and the staff did nothing. I know the two girls who did it will see this post and here is my message to you both: my family and I aren’t happy, and we will be taking this matter to the police for bullying and to the university for non academic misconduct. We are at university now, you would think people would have matured but apparently not. Bullying is serious” Now this came as a complete shock. She had not been crying every night, or at least not that we noticed, nor did we give her a reason to cry every night. The only thing we can possibly think of, and we’ve checked with our other friends was the mention of the smell and the fact she needs to shower. It hurts us that this has upset her so much, but our point is: if you know you are going away for a week, and you do not plan on showering, or know you have difficulty doing this, wouldn’t you warn your roommates? Plan to have a baby wipe wash (which she admitted she is fine to do). If we had known about the awful personal hygiene this 21 year old girl has, then there is no way we would’ve agreed to share a room with her. So, AITA? **edit 1** Id like to make it very clear, we did not avoid her (she came to the pub with us by invitation and sat at our table, along with other things we invited her to), nor did me and Holly do the gagging. This was done by people who were not sharing a room with us. We still wanted to be her friend, the people gagging weren’t really friends with her in the first place. We made the attempt to tell her delicately, which was us saying the room stank and that we could all have a shower to mitigate the issue. Other than that, we had no idea what to do. Also do not worry, Holly and I are home safe in our nice smelling rooms. The FIRST thing we did when we got home was shower. **UPDATE (on same post)** Chloe has seen this. - updates to follow when I wake up and deal with this shit show. ***Relevant Comments:*** "We didn’t even say anything until the outbreak happened, and we only said something then because we were concerned for our health. Two of our classmates we’re currently in hospital, and we didn’t want to become the 3rd and 4th" *Clarifying what OOP and Holly did:* "I'd like to make it very clear, we did not avoid her (she came to the pub with us by invitation and sat at our table, along with other things we invited her to), nor did me and Holly do the gagging. This was done by people who were not sharing a room with us. We still wanted to be her friend, the people gagging weren’t friends with her in the first place. We made the attempt to tell her delicately, which was us saying the room stank and that we could all have a shower to mitigate the issue. Other than that, we had no idea what to do." *How the hell does she have a boyfriend?* "She says they have sex once a month, me and Holly joked that it must be after her monthly bath. They are also trying for a baby, I think. How would she go about washing the child I am genuinely curious" *HOW have you never noticed this before?* "We noticed a smell occasionally but honestly we didn’t sit close enough to her (she takes up 2 seats every single class without fail) to notice it was consistent" *What did your lecturer say?* "The lecturer said that her and Chloe had agreed that a strip wash would be the best option for us all. Me and Holly disagreed, as it was past the point a strip wash would suffice. If she had had one every day, then yes, that’s okay. But it was day 5 at this point and it was ripe ripe" "It wasn’t until I had a panic attack (for my health) that the lecturer also made her shower" "I can’t lie it did look like they \[lecturer\] were mouth breathing, and she was made to shower" "When she did finally shower, and we timed it, it was 5 and a half minutes, and there was no shower gel missing 😭😭😭" *This exchange:* Commenter: Trying to make sense of the individual claiming to have a sensory issue, presumably with water if she can't even brush her teeth, yet wanting to take marine biology, which involves water, and lots of it. Sounds more like a mental health issue and attention seeking. OOP: "That’s the part we couldn’t understand. Why choose such a dirty line of work when you struggle with hygiene? What is is about the water? What does she do in the rain? - we asked her all of these questions and she could not answer us." "She loves swimming and as a marine biologist, I sure hope she likes the ocean 🤣🤣🤣" *What did Chloe say/what about deodorant?* "We asked her if she could explain her exact issue with water. She couldn’t. We asked why it also prevented her from being able to dry her own hair (I did it the one time she showered). She couldn’t answer that either. We are just so baffled?" "She claims she has a whole list of issues, but we haven’t seen any evidence of this, nor were any of these issues listed on her medical form to go on the actual trip, because if they were they would’ve had to tell us right???" "She seem to genuinely not know that it was not a deodorant. We explained that body spray is just that, a body spray. And the chemicals in the spray will be making her smell worse, and may also cause dryness and actual chemical burns. She admitted that her pits were “dry and flaky”" *What OOP wishes would have happened/response to someone else sharing their story:* "I’m so glad I have a neurospicy response here! 💜💜 She knew for 6 months she was going on this trip, and there was absolutely no effort made what so ever 😭 In the height of my depression I’ve absolutely not showered for a month, but I would NEVER subject other people to that. For that month I won’t have left the house. And on a trip with miles of walking done every day? I’d still shower twice a day, like I do at a still depressed but much much happier state (now)" *Dude wtf did she tell the police?* "She CLAIMS she can told the police. But there’s so many things she lies about we actually cannot keep up anymore. I won’t go into the ins and outs but they’re awful awful lies. She tells us daily about her boyfriends micropenis so that could be why they’re still together. Holly and I both threw up twice each due to the smell in the room" *Are you SERIOUSLY asking if you're the asshole here?* "I’ve been through some shit, so you are completely correct in my self judgement issues. She’s making me feel like I’m being a bitch, to the point I went fuck it, Reddit is gonna eat this shit up 🤣" "I don’t use Reddit often, and AITA is one of the only places I know. I don’t know if my post was better suited to elsewhere. What I really wanted was neurodivergent voices to explain to me what went wrong and what could’ve happened. I got that, and they all confirmed that this level of hygiene was unacceptable and they also explained how there could be issues with showering. I was also told of many different alternatives to showering that could’ve been planned out in advance." *A few more* ***Gross*** *comments from OOP:* "I didn’t even mention the bum crumbs but you hit the nail on the head. It wasn’t relevant to the post (kinda) so I didn’t add it but she’d leave her dirty underwear (including the skid marks, I wish I was joking) on the bedside table…… but we said nothing………" "Well me and Holly shared one roll of toilet roll for the week, she used the other 2 so I don’t know how she kept missing when she was using that much" "She wore the same T-shirt for 3 days in a row" ***There is no judgement bot for AITAH, but OOP is pretty much universally told she is NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17m125t/update_aita_for_making_a_21_year_old_woman_shower/)**: November 2, 2023 (Next Day)** Good morning you ruthless Americans who were spamming my phone all night (i can’t say I blame you), so much so my post got locked. I’m afraid I haven’t got much of an update for you, yet. Hollys final statement: I’m too old for this shit I acc cba at the end of the day she should of have a shower given she was sharing a room. I’m not disregarding the fact she may or may not have sensory issues I just wish it was mentioned before we shared a room with her which is the least of what should of happened. I just want a quiet life haha cba with all the shit Message from Chloe last night: (SIC) if you’re going to make a Reddit aboht me at least tell the fucking truth rather than lying. This is going to be taken further now because it’s bang out of order. My response \[changed names\]: Please could you highlight any lies from my throwaway Reddit account with changed names and Holly and I will review them in the morning. I am entitled to ask the internet if I am being an asshole, which they decided I was not. We tried Chloe, and we asked Reddit to try and see other perspectives. She has read it, but not responded. *edit* she blocked me……. Still no response…… What I’d really like, is some advice on what do do next. This girl is threatening my academic career and it’s not fair. My class finishes at 3pm GMT/U.K. time. We will be speaking to a lecturer. **EDIT** My reply to a comment: As someone who was bullied for many years, I know what it’s like for people to look at you like you’re weird. Chloe owns and brings in reborn dolls to uni, and for the first year, holly and I were the only two people to defend her. Everyone else looked at the girl like she was crazy. This is why we felt like we should stay in a room with her, and we hoped it would bring us all closer. Boy was we wrong I’m sorry I’m too nice I guess, I’m trying to work on it. I get told a lot that I don’t have a backbone. **UPDATE (Same Post, Same Day)** We spoke to the lecturer who organised the trip. She has heard nothing from Chloe at all and agrees that everything was blown way out of proportion and that Chloe has no legal ground to stand on. It seems those empty threats were just that, empty. The lecturer told us that Chloe was originally offered a room on her own, and she did not take it. Mad is an understatement. She is aware of my Reddit post as well as Chloe’s Facebook post. The lead lecturer will be speaking to the lecturer who made Chloe shower, so I don’t know how much more information I would be given to update you all. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Has the university said anything at all? And what did she mean by "take it further?"* "The university have said nothing. We can’t quite document smell, but we do have witnesses and spoke to the lecturers a few times whilst actually on the trip. I also have many messages with my friends who were giving me advice on how to deal with the situation. This is something (edit for clarity: trying to get me kicked out of uni for some reason or another) she has threatened me with constantly for nearly 2 years now. I believe them to be empty threats as what leg is there to stand on? It was up to her to make sure her needs were accommodated, I cannot make you shower, being clean is up to you." *Threatening:* "She has been relentlessly making comments about me and Holly, about our weight and how lazy we are (we both have full time jobs on top of being a student)" *Why did you go out of your way to be friendly to her when she was bullying you???* "Because as someone who was bullied for many years, I know what it’s like for people to look at you like you’re weird. Chloe owns and brings in reborn dolls to uni, and for the first year, holly and I were the only two people to defend her. Everyone else looked at the girl like she was crazy. This is why we felt like we should stay in a room with her, and we hoped it would bring us all closer. Boy was we wrong" "Almost all of my past relationships were abusive, I think that tells you enough" "It’s this week I’ve actually realised how much this girl hates me. It’s scary and I’m just confused. I don’t have a family to talk to like she does so I’m here taking to Reddit I don’t know how I was so blind to it before, I really just tried to be a good friend" *...Did she bring the dolls?* "The didnt bring the dolls because she didn’t want to put them in her suitcase. I just mentioned them because that’s why we became friends, because no one else would sit with her and I felt bad" *On what OOP has learned:* "I’ve definitely learnt a lot from this situation, and I’ve learnt loads from these replies. One of them being I am way too kind and way too patient" "This is why I came to Reddit for help, for advice like this. Will definitely be making a whole list of my boundaries for any future trips (I’m taking the field studies module so there will be a few)" *How did she find your reddit post???* "Tyler from Ottawa took it upon himself to read this, find her Facebook post, and comment the link to this post underneath it. I think my name and location dropping probably scared the man as his comment is now gone. I originally copy and pasted the anon message she left on our universities Facebook page." **Mini little update from** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/comments/17nh29t/aita_for_asking_that_a_21_year_old_woman_roommate/) **November 7, 2023 (not enough for a full post)** "She has taken zero accountability and had since blocked Holly and I on everything. She was always like that, but NEVER to that level. She also hasn’t returned to classes since. The test on the field work is next week so wish me luck 😭😭" **Editor's note:** Wikipedia bot on what a reborn doll: A reborn doll is a hand made art doll created from a blank kit or a manufactured doll that has been transformed by an artist to resemble a human infant with as much realism as possible. The process of creating a reborn doll is referred to as reborning and the doll artists are referred to as reborners.

AITA for making a 21 year old woman shower for the first time in at least 4 days

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17r5kcn/aita_for_making_a_21_year_old_woman_shower_for/

17rghel

**I am not OOP. OOP is** u/my1972pony (suspended) **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole I've made minor edits for readability. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Frustrating!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ci5zhq) **- July 26, 2019:** **AITA for using money we "earmarked" for our 6 month old's college fund to buy back the exact 1972 Ford Bronco I owned as a teenager?** So how to begin with this.... I realize that on paper I am totally the asshole but when you dig deeper into my motivations, I'm hoping its more of a grey area than anything else and maybe even I did the right thing. When I was a teenager my dad bought me a classic 1972 Ford Bronco. It was my true passion and I don't recall a memory from high school that somehow doesn't involve that truck. Plus my dad and I would spend hours and hours working on it together and when we went through that father/son rough patch when I was teenager it was always that Bronco that brought us back together. I made a huge mistake and sold the truck when I turned 19 and my dad died of a heart attack two months later so while not logical, I've always felt a karmic connection between the two events. We had a baby in early February. She is our first and the light of my life. My wife is doing well but she's back at work and she's realized that she hates all the day cares we've tried and really wants to be a stay at home mom and she's still very hormonal from delivery, lack of sleep, and breastfeeding so she's having a rough time and is angry a lot. I guess I need to say this. Two weeks ago I was driving through our town's warehouse district and saw a Bronco that was pretty beat up but resembled mine. I stopped just for nostalgia's sake and the owner came out and let me take a look inside. My dad and I had glued a wheat penny under the dash as sort of security measure, so I just sort of checked and goddamned if it wasn't MY BRONCO! I asked him if he'd ever consider selling it, he said actually someone was on I-25 as we spoke from Colorado to buy it for $21000. I freaked out and asked him if I could buy it right then and there for $23000. He said if I could come up with the cash, yes. I had been procrastinating setting up a 529 so I had $12000 in savings that my wife's parents had given us. I maxed out my credit card to Venmo and my mom brought down a check for $4000 and I fucking drove away in my old car. It was like a dream come true. Like a literal dream come true. It needs a lot of work I can't afford right now but it's mine. Like in my driveway mine. Again, I can't even describe what a joy this is. My wife and her parents are furious with me. They feel I was deceptive, that a "real" man would have sacrificed anything and everything so my wife could go stay at home with his kids, and that's setting aside that they gave us the money for a college fund. My point is my daughter is only 6 months old, we have 18 years to set up a college fund of her. But this Bronco means everything to me and if I wouldn't have acted it would have been gone forever. Now it can be that same connection between me and my kids. To me it's the literal meaning of happiness. Like I said on paper--asshole...whole story--grey area. How do you guys see it? **Editor's Note: The comments are pretty much unanimous that OOP is the asshole.** Edit: I had no idea this would go so one way. I guess I messed up. I talked with my mom and she is basically going to buy the bronco from me in order to refill the college fund and pay off the credit card. The $4k will be a gift and she's going to give me whatever I need to restore it. She's always been awesome to me and she'd rather the money be spent now than wait for me and my sisters inheritance. Sorry to get everyone so mad at me, I was thinking with my emotions and acted badly. Edit 2: Are the "mommy bailed you out" comments really necessary? I found a solution and it's coming from me and my sisters inheritance so it's not like I'm not paying for it on my own eventually. Edit 3: My inbox is so buried I have no idea what those icons are that are where gold used to be. Does anyone know what those are? Edit 4: I'm getting a 403 error whenever I try to respond, not sure what that means but I'm still reading because honestly I'm afraid to go home even with the great news I know my wife is going to be upset for one reason or another. Edit 5: Does anyone know what 403 error means? I messaged the moderators but they must be busy u/ SnausageFest since you're a mod, do you know? I can't respond to any posts and get the "status 403" whenever I try. Thanks! Edit in the morning: I couldn't figure out why I was getting so many private's but I guess this must be locked now. I didn't tell my wife that my mom bailed me out and lied and said I found a buyer for the bronco. I'll figure out how to cross that bridge when I get there but my wife was so relieved that "you had come to your senses" I don't want to disappoint her. It's going to take all my lying skills to pull this one off over the next few years. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for using money we "earmarked" for our 6 month old's college fund to buy back the exact 1972 Ford Bronco I owned as a teenager?

CONCLUDED

eeprom_programmer

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17rghel/aita_for_using_money_we_earmarked_for_our_6_month/

17rwnzg

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/\_debunct](https://www.reddit.com/user/_debunct/). They posted in r/antiwork. **Trigger Warning:** >!workplace discrimination!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating, but OOP will be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/16b0jne/excuse_my_uterus_then_damn/)**: September 5, 2023** **Title:** Excuse my uterus then, damn. I just got a verbal warning for discussing my period on the job. I’m a supervisor, apparently that means the standards are “different” bc I made someone “uncomfortable”. I didn’t even bring it up, one of my supervisees was telling me she was having menstrual cramps. I told her I was too. That was it. Got a talking to from the same HR lady who gave a lecture last year on gender inequality in the workplace. Her advice? “Take less time getting ready in the morning so men take you seriously.” ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP on their response:* "I was shocked. I told them that I’ve never had a job where it was ever a problem to discuss it. I think the complaint may have been made by this weirdly sensitive dude who quit without notice less than a week after this incident. It’s not an uncommon topic in our office so I’m genuinely confused why I’ve been singled out." *More on office culture:* "No, but our GM has explicitly said that women don’t have the same work ethic as men. Trust me, I’ve already tried to do something about that, brick walled." "Oh my boss DEFINITELY has it out for me. He’s a downright misogynist who has a habit of verbally abusing women. I’ve been advising the other women in the office on how to document workplace harassment, and how to keep him from getting them alone." "That’s the other thing, this workplace is well over 50% period-havers." *The gender inequality lecture:* "I was really excited about the women’s empowerment working group, but when I showed up, that was the vibe. I don’t go anymore. Should have taken it as a warning when they referred to us as “ladies”. I’m non-binary btw." *Tell them you want this in writing if it will be in your file, and if it won't be, then you want THAT in your file:* "I’ve done something along these lines, they refuse to respond in writing and won’t admit they are calling me to a required meeting (but they are)" *This exchange, where OOP gets help from a commenter:* Commenter: How frustrating. You can also phrase it in such a way that says “just making sure I’ve got this right, if I don’t receive any feedback then \_\_\_\_\_” you could kind of go either way with it, it either means it wasn’t feedback you should take seriously and you will proceed as though it didn’t happen, or you can infer it to mean no feedback means no notes and you nailed it. It also helps me that I have an audio processing disorder so I need things in writing to make sure I don’t miss anything. But even if you don’t, phrasing it in a way that you’re ensuring your own understanding helps a lot OOP: "I totally do have a sensory processing issue, actually. I’ve had to wrestle with a few protocols around it recently. Thank you for the advice." "I just tried this and will update you on how it goes. They’re forcing me into a meeting tomorrow but I want it in writing that they are putting this in my file." *More on what happened when OOP asked for it in writing:* "I asked for it in email, in conjunction with a few other clarifying questions about whether these rules apply to everyone or just me. They said that it was too complicated to email and compelled me into a meeting. I asked them to reply to my email, in writing to accommodate my disability, whether this is in my disciplinary file (and any other answers they can provide). I explained that, due to my disability, I need this information in writing so I can be well-informed before meeting. They keep saying they will respond with an answer, but they won’t. They are making me come to a meeting at 2:30 tomorrow. I am in touch with an employment attorney who is pretty sure this could turn into a case. I’ve also been advised to file state and federal discrimination complaints." **Mini Update in comments (Regarding above conversation, next day)** "OMFG I could (consensually) kiss you. The disability accommodation thing worked! And now they have to give me stuff in writing whenever I ask for it!" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/17moyuc/update_after_verbal_warning_re_menstruation_they/)**: November 3, 2023 (2 months later)** **Title:** Update after verbal warning re menstruation: they fired me. A whole lot of other shit went down, I stepped away from management because these people are so overdue for a lawsuit. I don’t need to be named in that shit. I complained to HR with months of documentation; near the end of the investigation, I had a death in the family. I took my three days of bereavement leave, and they fired me at-will the moment I got back. Textbook retaliation, they even said it outright in the meeting. You cannot make up this kind of heartlessness. What they didn’t know is that I was interviewing for a perfect job the next morning, which was offered about four hours later. I now make 20% more to do half the work in twice the time; better tech and far less bullshit, too. The downside is that it’s not worth suing my old employer, bc my situation only got better. No losses to sue for without getting complicated, and they play so dirty. Best revenge is a life well lived, l guess. I’m still getting callbacks for other jobs I applied for; while I’m not available to work, I’ve heard that some people I trained on my old team might have been referred/fasttracked to those positions somehow…funny how that works. **Update (Same Post, 10 hours later)** ETA: Gd, this blew up overnight. For everyone talking about suing, I promise that I looked into it. I have connections in labor/employment law and unfortunately the situation is just not enough for this. They will drag my name through the mud, make my personal medical info a matter of public record, and the best I can hope for is a few thousand out of it. My doctors and attorney connections think it’s really not a good idea. Trust me, I wanted to sue so bad. I’m pretty sure my former employer knew damn well when to cut me loose just in time for it to not be worth suing. I mean it, they are scumbags. Instead I’ve ensured that my former coworkers have the resources THEY need to pursue recourse. I made an educated decision and I’d appreciate it if this community respected that; I have been through a lot and I’m doing what I have to for myself. I find it VERY strange that an anti capitalist community is so devoted to recourse by state bodies, it is an uphill battle for workers by design. See comment by [u/aureliaxaurita](https://www.reddit.com/u/aureliaxaurita/) for a real-world example of what I would be facing. I am still considering complaints with the right regulatory bodies, but I’m trying to file those correctly to benefit other lawsuits. ***Relevant Comments: (every synopsis I included comes from an upvoted comment)*** *MANY people disagree with OOP not reporting the company. OOP gives several comments explaining what the lawyers said and why it isn't worth it. The comments get into the weeds a bit, so you are welcome to look at OOP's comment history, but ultimately it boils down to:* "I’ve spoken to three lawyers, and those conversations are why I’m not suing. I was looking into unionizing when they fired me. Damn, it’s kicking me while I’m down to think the worst of me." "This falls away from DOL and toward EEOC and the state civil rights board. People don’t realize that those entities are set up to handle large-scale instances of discrimination. Stuff like this generally doesn’t go very far for individual cases, they give you a right to sue letter but probably won’t take action themselves unless several people are demonstrably harmed over a fairly long period of time." *Just use the tools available to you:* "But I DON’T have those tools available to me, that’s the conclusion the attorneys I am privileged enough to know have come to. There is an ILLUSION that I have recourse, but the money I would ask for is peanuts to all other entities involved—not enough damages for an attorney to work on contingency, not enough lost wages to justify state-allocated resources for a serious investigation, and not enough of a legal threat for my former employer to care that I might sue them. $2-4k is a drop in the bucket to everyone else, but a roof over my head and food in my mouth to me. I am privileged enough to understand this, but it’s the same system that dead ends people worse off than me seeking the same paths of recourse. It is a system of false hope designed to exhaust us and delegitimize us. Trust me, this is all teaching me a LOT about the long game of activism and advocacy I’ve devoted my life to. I have a strategy, it just isn’t going to benefit that strategy to file THIS lawsuit, right now." *Try more lawyers:* "I have tried a few. My partner is a labor attorney. Thanks." *It just sounds like you're saying fuck everyone else, I got mine:* "Hey, jsyk, this decision wasn’t easy for me. I had several conversations with lawyers and my doctors, I’ve been having significant health issues that will likely get worse if I pursue this. I’ve given my old team a lot of advice on self-advocacy and even unionizing. This comment honestly breaks my heart after everything, the reason I got canned is bc I was fighting so hard for an equal workplace for everyone." *Former coworkers:* "Supposedly, the person who complained said it made them uncomfortable due to their cultural background. Since I left, people have been quietly protesting by openly talking about their periods at a reasonable volume and in reasonable context." *DOX THE COMPANY:* "Absolutely not. Some companies can be doxxed, but not this one. They will destroy my life and career."

OOP gets a verbal warning for menstruating.

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17rwnzg/oop_gets_a_verbal_warning_for_menstruating/

17rwobo

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Long\_Plan2](https://www.reddit.com/user/Long_Plan2/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad,!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17de736/aita_for_refusing_to_sleep_on_the_couch/)**: October 21, 2023** I (32M) and my wife (31F) got into a heated argument after her friend accused me of hitting on her. The other day, on my way from work to home, I came across a friend of my wife and she looked like she was carrying heavy stuff so I asked if she wanted a ride home. At first she declined but as I was leaving, she changed her mind and got into the car. We had a nice chat whilst driving and all was well. I even told my wife about it when I got home. Yesterday, I was confronted by my wife because I allegedly "hit" on her friend. I obviously denied it and told her the version of events but apparently I was persistent with said friend when offering her the ride. I only asked twice, and the second time was asking if she was sure. My wife insisted that her friend isn't the type to just lie about something like this. Naturally, I asked why she trusted her friend more than me and then she told me about how her sister's husband cheated with a friend. I was angry at how I was being compared to someone else based on a mere accusation and we ended up arguing. Then we were just about to sleep and she told to sleep on the couch because she didn't feel comfortable with me. I argued that I wasn't going to be punished for something I didn't do and after quite a back and forth, I eventually let her have the room and slept in the other one instead. I woke up in the morning to yet another confrontation about why I didn't sleep on the couch. I was obviously baffled and asked why I would sleep on the couch when there's an entire other room. According to her, if one spouse tells the other that they should sleep on the couch, then they should do as asked to show that they're sorry. I pointed out that it was ridiculous, especially when you add the fact that I didn't even do anything. Things are now tense all because I gave someone a lift. AITA? ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17mr0n9/update_aita_for_refusing_to_sleep_on_the_couch/)**: November 3, 2023 (12 days later)** A week ago, I made a post about how my wife got angry at me for not sleeping on the couch after her friend accused me of hitting on her. Well, not too long after the arguments, we eventually confronted said friend, only for another argument to break out, this time between my wife and her friend. And I got more than I bargained for. Basically, the friend denied ever saying I was hitting on her and said my wife took it out of context/misheard her. My wife argued back saying the opposite, that friend said I was making moves on her and flirting. According to friend, her words were along the lines of "your husband was very nice to me and had it been any other person, I would think they're flirting". Honestly there was a lot of back and forth about what was actually said but it the end, it was established that I had infact not flirted with her friend. However, because of this argument, things were heated and things were said. What got me is when her friend revealed to me that my wife was very insecure and had been keeping tabs on me, checking my phone every now and then without my knowledge, and quote "searching my car and laundry for any feminine products/scents that didn't belong to her every so often". Apparently she's been confiding all this to her friends and at some point even considered having one of her friends flirt with me to see what I would do. Needless to say, i'm speechless and very disappointed. It's only now that I realize there wasn't any trust ever in this marriage and I'm only going to continue suffering because her sister's failed marriage. She's tried apologizing and denying, synonymously, to the point where I'm confused what she's apologizing for and what she's denying. I was tempted to give her the same treatment she gave me based on an accusation but to be honest, I really don't have the energy. As of now, I've asked for some space to contemplate this entire marriage. Thanks for everyone for the support and advice. It really means a lot. It seems like a lot of you were right. I think I'll take it from here. Again, thank you so much. Sincerest regards.

AITA for refusing to sleep on the couch?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17rwobo/aita_for_refusing_to_sleep_on_the_couch/

17rwopg

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Throwaway95PG **Best friend [28/M] never disclosed he was FWB with the girl [26/F] he set me up with. I [28/M] am horrified. It's been six months. Things between GF and I are pretty serious and now I feel gross.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Mentions of trauma and depression, mention of racism, betrayal of trust!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/3eAA1lrqvb) **Aug 10, 2022** Before meeting my current girlfriend, I had been single for a long while. I had several really rough relationships where we just didn't work and it was sad. I had been on the dating apps and it was draining my will to date. Just horrible experiences and I felt like I was just making myself depressed. My best friend said he knew this girl who felt the same way about online dating, had some really bad experiences and was perfect for me. We hit it off almost right away. Our first day was amazing. Our second date was amazing. We went from strangers to seeing each other twice a week. She asked to put off the physical part of our relationship and no joke for two months we didn't have sex. We didn't have sex until we went away for the first time. We were in a hotel room and it was so awkward (never have sex for the first time when you are also staying at a hotel together for the first time). We got into a groove and I think we'd both say that we have a great sex life. It's been 6 months, things are going great, we had our first mini-vacation together and not long ago she told me she loved me (and I quickly followed). Cut to Sunday and my friends and I are talking. My best friend is busting the chops of another friend. It was in good fun but he made a joke that our other friend took a little too seriously so as retribution, he turned to me and told me that my best friend, the guy who introduced me to the girl I am in love with, was not only her FWB but they had 1 last sexual encounter between our first and second date. I nearly threw up. I know she had a FWB situation and after our second date she told me she wanted to hold off on the physical but that she was done with the FWB and wanted to know if I would do the same (be exclusive). I didn't have a FWB situation, I wasn't seeing anyone else, and so I cool with it. I wasn't super excited that she was with a different guy, but it was in the past. She never brought it up again and I was happy to never think about it again. Until my buddy dropped that nuclear bomb. My friend could only mutter "dude...." and got angry for being outed. He immediately texted my GF who blew up my phone. My best friend's thoughts on that subject are: "get over it." He was angry that our buddy outed him, but felt that it was funnier more than anything and tried to joke we could share notes. I love my friend but he's gross. He has a natural charm and can get with women, and somehow convinces them to do gross things. He will share bits and pieces of his escapades and I'm now convinced some things he shared must have been with my GF. He's got a huge dong, which is another blow, given I'm average (I think?). On one hand, he's fun and charming but he'll openly admit that he likes his role as FWB and isn't looking for anything serious, so he's not too concerned with her pleasure or making her feel valued. On the other, he's into some weird things. I haven't seen my GF this week as we were both busy. She knows I learned about the background, she sent a long text on Sunday and it's basically: "yeah he and I banged. I'm with you now. Get over it. I'll see you Friday." I'm really kind of grossed out. The friend who outed the situation told me that I shouldn't get too upset and another friend said it all had racial undertones (?!?). I feel really gross about it. My friend would occasionally mention things he did and now I can't stop picturing it being my GF. Some dudes might get off on that. Others might be totally cool with it. I feel super awkward, inadequate and gross. tl;dr best friend set me up with a great girl. We fell in love. Never mentioned that he had been her FWB for months before we got together and they had 1 final night together between our first & second dates. Now it came out and suddenly everyone's telling me to just forget it and move on (and there are racial undertones). I feel grossed out by all of it. I feel crazy since no one wants to talk about this. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **pocketsand_shashasha** >If you had known about them being FWB before your first date, would you still have went on the date? If the answer is no, then I think you have your answer. >At the end of the day, everyone involved lied to you and seem to have no remorse about that (and were committed to continue lying until they got outted). Further, setting your friend up on a date, then banging the girl afterwards seems like a pretty shitty thing to do. **OOP replied** >>No, I probably would have respectfully declined * **idleigloo** >>>I was a expecting more apologies and shame from your gf. She told you to get over this thing they purposefully hid from you. They broke your trust and grossed you out and now she is making you feel bad for it?! is that correct? >>>It is a gross thing, and if she actually cared about how you feel maybe there'd be a way to get past it..but she doesn't care so these thoughts are going to stay in your head if you stay together. >>>I know being alone sucks, but she proves you can find and attract people. Dump her so you don't feel like the pity bf. Then sit your friend down and tell him that you feel grossed out hw did that. Cut him out if you need to, or keep him if he seems to understand he fucked up. **OOP replied** >>>>She sent a series of long texts basically saying she was sorry and explained herself and what she had done and then explained the situation and tried to reassure me. I didn't respond and within 5-6 minutes she confirmed we ARE doing something Friday and then said ".... we'll get past this. Let's look forward not backwards." After that I made perfunctory conversation but she could tell I was annoyed/angry and she said the above, basically look forward not backward. * **chiritarisu** >... What are the "racial undertones?" **OOP replied** >>He's not white. I am white. * **ArmadilloDays** >Seriously? >Vaginas don’t wear out with use. You know she has had other partners before you and presumably, she wasn’t your first either. >Who she did before you and her were a thing shouldn’t matter to you in the slightest now that you two are together. If it does, you deserve to lose her to someone who is ready to be in a healthy adult relationship. **OOP replied** >>Yeah, I get the science behind vaginas not wearing out. It's not her being worn, it's that she was with my best friend, a person whom I've known intimately for years. I know his proclivities. I know the kind of weird shit he did. And, it's not like it's someone in the past she won't interact with again, or have less interaction with. He's my best friend. I have to face that every time I see them. * **WritKnitMom** >This makes me think that you don't really care that they were together but that you feel like you can't ever measure up to your friend... >You said she cut things off with him after the first date; that means she liked you enough after spending one day with you that she cut him off. She also has been with you since, this sounds like you already passed her bar for measurement. >At this point you have got to decide if you want to work through this or not. She definitely shouldn't have hid it and neither should your friend but you can't change the past you can only decide how your going to move forward. **OOP replied** >>What they did together was no doubt gross. I have no illusions, and his grossness is a fact of life. Would I prefer not to tread where he's been? Yeah. Do I feel like I can't measure up? In a very tangible way, I can't. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/DJVMasgylX) **Aug 14, 2022** Thanks for everyone's advice. Definitely didn't break up. I couldn't go through with breaking it off. I read all the comments and had about 50 arguments with her in my head where I played both sides. Then I got ready to end it and dump her, but Wednesday she was informed that there had been a horrible tragedy that rocked her whole family and she was just beside herself. She was so upset that I had to call out of work at the end of the week to go be with her. She begged me not to leave, so I told her I would stay. I work in a field where I'm exposed to these kinds of issues on the regular and was able to help her family navigate some common issues and help explain what happened. Her family is really not in a place to do anything right now, so I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend here as no one is eating or thinking clearly and so they need some people who can help relieve some pressure. I had to call my friend because I didn't have some things I needed, so he went to my place, got everything, drove the 2 hours to bring it and then offered to cover my shift on Monday so I can stay a bit longer. That's the kind of thing I meant when I said he was a good person. He'd drive four hours round-trip and cover for you without expecting anything in return. Last night GF was going to bring up the issue between us, but instead of having a difficult conversation in the midst of these circumstances, I asked that we just drop it. She wanted clarity and I asked that we ignore it and move on, act like I never found out. She agreed to that. She's been in need of a lot of emotional support and she has been really struggling, but throughout everything she's taken time to tell me how much she loves/appreciates/cares for me and has thanked me repeatedly for helping out. I was helping her mom clean up from a meal and she thanked me for all the help and told me some things my GF confided in her. It was very sweet and apropos of nothing. Her family has been incredibly welcoming and kind despite the circumstances and the fact that I only met them twice before all of this. It's a little weird to go from being at dinner at a restaurant and a family birthday to sleeping in their daughter's room and helping them understand complex issues. Altogether it's really weird and our issues feel a million miles away. I feel awkward about having considered breaking up with her (I had gone over it a million times in my head). I'm not sure how long she'll need me here for, or how long she intends to stay, so I guess I'm sleeping on her floor for a while yet. Does it suddenly not bother me? It still bothers me. Some people said that their behavior was inexcusable and others said I was a dirtbag for bring it up. I still feel like they lied to me. They knowingly didn't disclose what their relationship was (it had been sexual and they said they were just distant acquaintances). Neither ever mentioned the entire time we were dating in the early phase that they had been going at it, moreover, we had spent a lot of time together as a group and they pretended to just be acquaintances. That feels really shitty to me. Really, really shitty. I still feel weird about being with someone my friend was with. I feel weird that we both "know" her in that way. I feel weird that her past is a constant reminder when we're together. When my friend came with my stuff, they interacted for a brief moment and made a feeble attempt at a lighthearted joke about it. It was awkward. I get that on the whole they are entirely wrong for each other and were just mutually bored. She wanted a relationship and was with him until the right one came along. Unfortunately for me, the right one was me, and she was with my friend. I still find it gross. But, on the whole, I think I can get past the gross. I can get past the weird, awkwardness. I have asked that this info never, ever, be shared with anyone who may not know. I have asked that the subject not be brought up again and over text I asked my friend why he thought we'd hit it off knowing their history. He wasn't apologetic per se (more of a "I told you so" kind of thing) but did explain his rationale. I'm annoyed at my friend and annoyed at my GF, but she needs support and so I need to put all the emotions away. I feel gross and unhappy in some ways but in others I realize that she and I have a great thing, we share a lot of goals and are aligned on so may things. I know she loves me and I her. I'll get over the dick size differential eventually and hopefully she's not secretly harboring resentment that I'm not hung like a Clydesdale. So, long way of saying nothing changed. Proceeding as if I never found out and pushing my emotions down. Best way to operate for me. tl;dr I was going to dump her (I doubt I could have gone through with it) but she suffered a horrific family tragedy and I am supporting her. She confided in me how she feels about me, and it's clear she needs me right now so I am pretending I never found out and she has agreed to act like I never found out. I'll work through my problems over time and will just stop talking about it and hopefully time makes it better. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **HealingTimeNow** >It sounds like the lying bothers you. Don't let it fester too long. Either hash it out with both of them (when the timing is better), or move on. **OOP replied** >>It does bother me, but I'm definitely trying not to let it fester. Right now there's no way she has any emotional fortitude and frankly I'd rather just let it slide into the past and put it out of my mind. Let time heal it, you know? * **LB1076** >Staying because of trauma is not a good thing. You can support her, and be her friend, but it sounds like you are not going to get over that dirty feeling, and going forward that will resurface. Advice is to get her thru this in a platonic way, and then take a break. Are you both really what you want? If so start over and rebuild, but do it on your own terms with complete transparency. **OOP replied** >>Staying only because of the trauma would be a mistake, but without the trauma, I'm not sure I would have dumped her. It's really easy to say: "Yeah, fuck her!" when I'm shaving or in the car driving. It's another when you're face-to-face with someone and you remember all of the reasons why you liked and love them in the first place. >>Is it worth it? To throw everything away? I don't know. It doesn't feel like it. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB- I AM NOT THE OOP**

Best friend [28/M] never disclosed he was FWB with the girl [26/F] he set me up with. I [28/M] am horrified. It's been six months. Things between GF and I are pretty serious and now I feel gross.

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17rwopg/best_friend_28m_never_disclosed_he_was_fwb_with/

17rzy73

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRAlostwife **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!child favoritism!< mood spoilers: >!they make up in the end!<   [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/l5wkbh/my_42f_husband_45m_has_a_favorite_child_and_it/) \- 27 Jan 2021 This is a long read. If you can get through it please give any advice you can. I want to start by saying my husband is a good man. He provides a very comfortable life for me and our children. He has never been abusive or manipulative. He’s never kept secrets or cheated. But he has one huge flaw. He has a favorite child. We have three teenage sons. They are Mason (18), Kyle (15), and Sean (13). Our youngest son Sean is my husband’s favorite. He knows this, I know this, and what really kills me is that our children know it. It wasn’t always like this. He used to be equally loving to all of our boys. But when Sean was 5 years old he got pneumonia and was dangerously close to death. It was obviously an extremely tough time for my husband and I. And through the entire hospital stay Sean always wanted his dad above anyone else. It bonded them. Ever since then my husband has always favored and spoiled Sean to the detriment of his relationships with Mason and Kyle. The two older boys noticed as they got older and were understandably hurt that their father always favored Sean. I had several conversations with my husband throughout the years about how he needs to realize he has three sons, not just one. He always listened and would make an effort to be more involved with Mason and Kyle but it never lasted. He’d always go back to being super dad to Sean. This all came to a head today when Kyle’s school had an awards ceremony that Kyle would be presented an award at. This is of course a virtual event as covid is still an issue and the boys are doing online distance learning. Essentially the event was just a large group video call where the kids would be recognized for their academic achievements and there was a raffle for several prizes. Kyle was excited because one of the prizes was a game system he wanted. Parents were invited to join in on their own computer to get an extra “entry” for raffle prizes on behalf of their children. I wasn’t going to be able to make it as I had work but I told my husband to just drop in and watch them read Kyle’s name and stick around so Kyle could have just a slightly better chance at getting the prize he wanted. Again this was a virtual event. All he had to do was go to the website and sit there for less than half an hour. School events like this (even pre-covid) were always more my thing. My husband almost never went to these things as he was usually working (but of course there was a higher chance of him showing up for one of Sean’s events). But he’s working mostly from home and he wasn’t even going to be on the clock at the time of this event. He said he’d do it. On the day of the event I reminded him before I left for work to make sure he showed up. I sent him the invite link again while I was at work just to be sure he had it and he assured me he’d be there. Well the event came and went. Kyle was in his room on his own laptop for the event and my husband never joined the group call. I was busy at work so I couldn’t message him back until almost an hour after the event ended. I asked how it went. He said he was trying to join but the link didn’t work. I asked what did he mean he was trying to join now when the event was an hour ago. He replied “Oh I thought you said it was now” I saw red. He missed the event because he got the time wrong. After I told him several times what time and exactly how to join. All he had to do was click the link at the right time. I was furious but I wanted to wait until I got home to talk to him. So I get home and see our oldest son Mason’s car in our driveway. He does not live with us anymore, he is in college and has his own apartment. I walk inside and Sean is in the living room looking upset. I ask him what’s wrong and he says the other boys are fighting with dad. I asked what happened and he said he doesn’t know just that Kyle got really mad and called Mason when he told Kyle that he and my husband went to get frozen yogurt earlier. I asked what time they went and he tells me. It was 10 minutes before Kyle’s event. He missed the event because he chose to take Sean to get frozen yogurt (I learned later that Sean was begging him and my husband, as usual, caved and took him) At that moment Mason, Kyle, and my husband all come down the stairs. They’re yelling and Mason has a duffel bag with Kyle’s things. I asked what is happening and Mason says he’s taking Kyle with him to stay at his apartment for a while. I told him Kyle can stay the night but he can’t just move in with him. My husband said that Kyle is not leaving and he needs to talk to him privately. But Mason blew up on him. He said everyone knows Sean is his favorite and he couldn’t tell Sean to wait 30 minutes before taking him to get yogurt. I told Mason I understood his anger but that we all needed to sit down and talk. Kyle joins in and says that he’s tired of his dad always choosing Sean over the two of them and he wants to stay with Mason. My husband was apologizing and saying he doesn’t choose Sean over them he just made a mistake. Mason challenges my husband saying “you always just make mistakes that leave me and Kyle on the back burner” and told him to try to remember the last time he did something with either he or Kyle alone. My husband listed two events. Mason reminded him Sean tagged along for both. My husband said they’re family and of course he’s allowed to go with. Kyle shouted back that my husband has taken out of town trips with just he and Sean three times in the last year and a half. And he was right. Sean got visibly upset at this point. Mason said he was sorry and that this wasn’t about anything he did wrong. That it was their dad’s fault, not his. Sean went upstairs to his room. My husband started after him and Mason said “See? You’ve got three upset sons and you still run off to coddle Sean” My husband said that’s not true he’s just more sensitive than the other boys. Mason told him he wants so badly for Sean to be his only son that he can have his wish. He said not to call or text him or Kyle anymore and that they don’t have a dad anymore. Kyle added “You already act like we don’t exist anyway” My husband’s face dropped. The way he was neglecting our two older boys finally, FINALLY hit him. I was a sobbing mess. I could see the hurt in both my son’s eyes. I told them to stay so we could talk and find a solution. Kyle begged me to just let him leave saying he didn’t want to be in the house anymore. Mason hugged me and assured me he’d make sure Kyle got his schoolwork done and he’d call me tomorrow. I let them go. As much as I want Kyle here I know he needs time away from my husband. My husband went to the kitchen and cried. He’s never been an emotional man but the reality of our two older boys wanting to go no contact with him finally knocked some sense into him. I wanted to yell and scream at him. I told him for years that he needed to stop favoring one child. All he had to do was show up one goddamn time for Kyle. I’m so angry. Instead I told my husband that I love him and I know he’s hurt so I’m not going to yell at him. But I told him I love my children more and that if he didn’t fix things with his boys and start treating them equally from this moment forward I would be divorcing him. He just said “I don’t want to lose my family” He started to get up saying he should make sure Sean was okay. I told him I would check on Sean and for once he needed to think of his other sons. I admit I was passive aggressive but my blood was boiling and I was trying my best not to tear my husband down any more than my son’s parting words had. I spent the next hour consoling Sean and reassuring him that his brothers don’t hate him and that their issue is with my husband, not him. He said they won’t text him back and I said he needs to give them time. I’m emotionally exhausted. I don’t know what to do. My husband is sleeping in the guest room tonight. We’ve never not slept in the same bed unless one of us is out of town for one reason or another. Is it worth divorcing my husband over if he doesn’t fix it? This is the only big issue we’ve ever had in our marriage but he broke my children’s hearts and even if we do stay together I don’t know if I can ever forgive him for that. I feel like a failure as a mother for not being more assertive with my husband and not interfering throughout all these years. I also feel like it may be too late for him to make things right at this point. What do I do? What CAN I do? **relevant comments:** >**Dalmatian-muse:** Light a fire under your husband's ass. Don't let things settle, it's easy to do. Don't let him get relaxed like things will just blow over either. Get that man doing good because you know he can. I hope his eyes are open to the truth so you don't have to. > >**OP:** Things will definitely not just blow over. Our two oldest hit their breaking point. We both saw that tonight. I think I’ll give it a day or two to see what he comes up with on his own. I really do want this to be something he fixes on his own without being “forced” to. I think he will. As crazy as it sounds given what I just wrote in my post I do have faith that he really does love our boys enough to not let this be the end of his relationship with them. > >I’m seeing a lot of comments about marriage counseling. I guess this is something I can look into on my own while he figures out what to do on his end. Thank you for the advice. &#x200B; >**CthulhuAlmighty**: Right now, just be there for your sons, all of them, when they need you. As for the relationship between your two oldest and their father, the ball is in Mason and Kyle’s court. If they decide to try to mend the relationship with their father, he needs to make every effort to be involved in their life. It’s really important that it’s not forced upon them though, there is a good chance it will have a negative effect and only make things worse. > >You might also want to try and take your three sons out to dinner like once every week or two, without your husband. This will allow your two oldest to reconnect with the youngest without the trigger of their dad around. > >Marriage counseling though, get it. > >**OP:** I agree with you and I don’t want to push them or force them to interact with him. This is why I let Kyle go with Mason. I want him here but I know right now he needs space. I will reassure Mason tomorrow when he calls that I don’t want to force either of them to just push this aside. They have every right to be upset.I know they don’t hold it against Sean. Mason apologized and assured Sean they weren’t mad at him. Sean was still upset and I comforted him myself before he finally fell asleep. I will continue to reassure him and will check in with the boys tomorrow and ask them if they can just text him back telling him they don’t blame him. Only if they want to of course but I truly think they will. Mason and Kyle have always been closer but they’ve never excluded Sean or treated him any different. I know they love their brother. Their anger really was (rightfully) directed at their father.   [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/lm7xfv/update_my_42f_husband_45m_has_a_favorite_child/) \- 17 Feb 2021 I posted a few weeks ago about an issue with my family and there were a decent amount of people who gave great advice and reassurance on what I was already feeling. I am so incredibly happy to say that this is a good update. Great, even!First, regarding my sons. Mason called me the next day as he promised and said Kyle was settling in fine. I asked how they felt about Sean and Mason said that he and Kyle talked last night and while they don’t necessarily blame Sean that it’s still hard not to be slightly angry at him, especially because we can all see that Sean does realize he’s the favorite and leans into it. In the end both boys texted Sean that they weren’t mad but they needed time away to cool off. Sean was of course sad but I did get through to him that sometimes people need space. A couple days later I dropped Sean off at Mason’s apartment and the boys had a movie/game night. I’m not sure what was said but Sean came back much happier and his brothers are texting him back again. I knew they would be okay but I was glad that Mason and Kyle are mature and kind hearted enough to not hold onto their anger towards Sean. Regarding my husband: I admit I was weak and I caved the night of the incident. I went to the guest room and my husband was still awake and on his laptop. I asked what he was doing and he showed me the screen. He was searching for therapists. I never brought this up as a suggestion. He did it on his own. I asked why he was looking for a therapist and he said because he feels like he’s only going to get one chance to make things right with the boys and he wanted a professional to tell him the best way to do so. It lifted so much of my fears and anxiety about how he felt. I cried and I told him to come back to our room. He took the next day off of work. In our entire 22 years of marriage he has called out of work less than 5 times. He talked to 3 different therapists for roughly an hour each before deciding he liked the second one best. He’s an older man with adult children and my husband said he felt like the therapist could relate to him and understand his situation best. I was so proud of him. His therapist suggested sending a short apology and promise of working on himself. Both his therapist and myself read the text but did not change or influence him in anyway. The words are entirely his own. He wrote “I’m sorry. I messed up. For years I messed up. I hate that I let it get to this point and I hate that I hurt you both so badly. I love you. I will always love you and I know you may not want to talk to me right now but I’ve just started therapy and I hope in time that you boys will forgive me and give me a chance to be better for both of you. There is so much more I want to say but I would like to say it in person. You can always call me, text me, or come home when you’re ready to talk. Any time. I will drop whatever I’m doing when you’re ready to talk. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. I love you boys. Love, Dad”Kyle called me a couple hours after my husband sent them the text and asked me to come over. I did. Mason and Kyle were there and they asked me if their dad really wrote the message. I assured them that he did and reiterated that neither I nor his new therapist wrote a single word of his apology. It was all him. They admitted it felt good to know that he did care but they needed time. This was also when we talked about Sean. A week went by with no response to my husband’s text. Then another. He was heartbroken. He broke down in our bedroom one night and just cried saying he’d ruined his relationship with his sons and they were never going to forgive him. I reassured him that wasn’t the case but it was hard for him to accept. I told him he needs to keep talking to his therapist and focus on himself. His relationship with Sean changed as well. Even though he was the only son we had in our home he started to spend less time with him. And Sean was completely fine with this. His therapist helped him realize that he was the one always initiating “hang out time” with Sean. He’d go to his room and ask Sean if he wanted to do something. Or he’d tell Sean to go with him when he went to pick up dinner or go run errands. Five days ago Kyle finally texted my husband asking if they could talk. My husband said absolutely and asked where Kyle wanted him to go. Kyle said he and Mason wanted to come to the house. My husband, true to his word, called his boss and said he needed the rest of the day off for a family emergency. I dropped Sean off at my mother’s house so the boys could talk openly to my husband without worrying about hurting Sean’s feelings and they came over and we all talked in the living room. It wasn’t easy. We all cried. But my husband did everything right. I repeat: he did EVERYTHING right. He apologized. He didn’t deny his favoritism. He told the boys about his work with his therapist and how it was helping. He said he’s learned he justified his favoritism by telling himself that he and Sean were just closer but he now realized they were only closer because he was putting the majority of his time and effort towards Sean instead of all three of the boys. My husband asked for one chance to show them he has and will continue to change and treat them equally. Kyle accepted his apology. Mason said he wants to but he feels like it’s too late for he and my husband as he’s already out of the house. My husband told Mason that he is Mason’s father for life and asked him again for just a single chance. Mason agreed that he doesn’t want to not have his dad in his life but that he doesn’t want to feel that pain again if he lets him in. He asked the boys what specifically they need from him besides him making improvements in how he communicates with them. Mason said he doesn’t want it to feel forced he wants it to be genuine. Kyle wanted a hug. My husband hugged him and cried and swore that whenever he has an event he will put multiple alarms on his phone the second he’s told about it. My husband suggested family counseling. The boys are reluctant but did agree to go as we all want our family to heal and grow stronger. Kyle moved back in the house and said he’s happy because his bed is much more comfortable than Mason’s couch. We decided Saturdays will be a family day that we all spend together. My husband has said he will reach out to the boys to see if they are free to get lunch (not much else we can do until covid is gone). He’s started playing video games with the boys just as something to do to spend time with them. He gets on the mic and talks to Mason which he’s said feels good to talk to him even though they’re mostly just talking about stuff going on in the video game. He plans on buying Kyle the PS5 he wanted from the school event but his therapist suggested he wait until their relationship has healed so he knows it’s a genuine gift and not an apology gift. I agree with this. And that’s where we’re at. My husband and I have been recommended a few family counselors from his therapist and are in the process of talking to them. He’s really taking point on this. He’s going to continue seeing his own therapist as he said it’s helped in more than just this incident. I admit that I still have some fears that this new attitude won’t last but this is so much more effort than he has ever put in when I mentioned his favoritism before. I’m really hopeful that this is only the beginning. The boys are already much happier and seeing all the men in my life talking and laughing together just melts my heart. This is what I wanted all these years and I’m hopeful that with family counseling and my husband continuing his own therapy this can be a lifelong change! EDIT: Oh wow I was NOT expecting this to blow up especially when my first post didn’t get much traction at the time. I’m assuming it will be locked soon so I want to say thank you to everyone for the kind words. I know this is not an instant fix and it will take much longer and continued dedication and effort from my husband for us to truly heal as a family. But we are committed to therapy as it’s worked at opening the door for healing. I’ve made it clear to him that if he reverts to his old ways and hurts our kids again I will be gone. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for them to let him back in after just a few weeks of no contact and I will not stand by if it happens again. That being said as of now I have no reason to believe he is not dedicated to this change and for the sake of my family I will give him the same single chance my children have given him. It’s up to him to use it wisely. Thank you again and wish me luck!  **relevant comments:** >**MotorBoat4043:** Time is the one thing we can never get back, and unfortunately for your older sons they spent a lot of their formative years keenly aware of their father's favoritism for their younger brother. They're never not going to be impacted by that neglect and if I were you I wouldn't be surprised if the resentment still boils over from time to time for a long time. Things are looking up now, but coming back from this kind of thing isn't a linear process. There'll be ups and downs. The important thing for you is to hold your husband accountable at all times. If you see him getting complacent, slipping back into old habits, and taking for granted for even one day that his older sons are still willing to try and forgive him, give him a verbal ass kicking he'll never forget. Permanent change is rare, but for all of your sakes I hope this is one of those times. Many of us grew up with shitty, neglectful parents who never made any attempt to make amends for how they treated us. And that's if they're even willing to acknowledge it in the first place. > >**OP:** Oh trust me, slipping into bad habits is no longer an option. I told him a few days ago that I’m proud of him and all the effort and progress he has made but I will absolutely not overlook or forgive him hurting our boys again with this issue. There is no excuse or reason for him to ever go back to his old ways. He knows how hurt our boys were and how angry I was after that night three weeks ago. He knows I will choose our children over him. > >That being said, every other time I’ve told him to work on this he lasted 4 or 5 days. Maybe even a week if we were lucky. But it’s been 3 weeks and he’s shown no signs of reverting to his old routine. I think his therapist really got through to him in a way I never could. On Monday I saw Mason and my husband talking and laughing together for the first time in I don’t even know how long. That gives me hope that while you’re right that a part of those feelings will linger in my sons that they can still have a good relationship with their dad in time. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My (42F) husband (45M) has a favorite child and it has destroyed our family

CONCLUDED

Anxious_Squirrel9435

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17rzy73/my_42f_husband_45m_has_a_favorite_child_and_it/

17s3bs1

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwawayAITAbeachbf **My boyfriend (28M) abandoned me (32F) on our date for his best friend (28M) who “needed him”** **Originally posted to** r/self **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!neglect, emotional manipulation, obsessive behavior, emotional infidelity!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/L8OikKaMH4)  **July 24, 2022** My boyfriend "Andrew" and I have been dating for 2 years. One of the main problems I have with him is that he's attached, to an obsessive degree if I'm being honest, to his best friend Eddie. I'd even describe their friendship as Eddie being completely dependent on Andrew like a needy child would be. This is a problem because Eddie and I don't get along. He's always been hostile to me since the day we met for no reason, and I'm not the type of person who takes shit from anyone so of course I am equally hostile back. I'm also certain that Eddie is in love with Andrew. He can never keep a relationship for long but anyone he dates is a carbon copy of Andrew in terms of looks. He's also constantly touching Andrew whenever they're together, often kicking me off from my seat next to him so he can sit there. To me, it's rude to be so blatant about your feelings for a taken man but I guess Andrew is willfully oblivious. Anyways after a hard few weeks of work, I finally got a break and wanted to veg at home. But no, Andrew wanted to take me out, to the beach specifically, in order to celebrate. I hate the beach yet he still took me. So already I was a bit pissed, but then it got worse when he told me that he had to keep his phone on because Eddie was meeting up with some guy he met online and Andrew was scared the guy was bad news. I was shocked, Eddie's a grown man he can take care of himself, but I told myself I'd be reasonable. That was a big mistake because sure enough, two hours in, guess who calls? None other than Eddie, begging Andrew to come and get him because he's "scared for his safety." I saw red. Somehow a grown adult can't get home by himself and has to wait for my boyfriend to come get him despite said boyfriend being 30 min away. He could‘ve called an Uber or asked the staff at the bar for help but instead he decided to ruin our date. I cussed my boyfriend out but he gave no shits and dropped everything to go to him, leaving me stranded with no ride at a beach I didn't want to be at. He all but ran to the car and dipped, all the while I was raging at him. He didn’t let me go because he didn’t want to stress Eddie out more since he knows we don’t like each other. I've decided to block him and he can make a grand gesture to win me back or I'm done. Still, I’m not sure what to do. Even if he does take me back, how can I know he won’t do this again. At the same time, besides his weird friendship with Eddie he‘s basically the perfect boyfriend. TLDR Boyfriend acts as the knight in shining armor for his best friend and I play second fiddle. Besides this, he is the perfect guy. **Note this was posted on** relationships **but was removed and I’m unsure why. I’m putting it here so that if/when I make an update the original is here. I’m meeting with Andrew today.** **Edit: I read all your comments and I agree with you. I wanted to have the original post be readable so that I could make an update after speaking with him since lots of people were asking me for one. BTW I'm not looking for advice anymore I just want a place for the original post to be. Sorry for the confusion.** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **[deleted]** >You already got the answers you need from other posts. You just don't like them cause they all tell you to break up. **OOP replied** >>Yeah I realize I wasn't clear when making this post. I've read most comments and slept on it and I agree with you all. I just wanted to find a way to keep my post up since it got removed and I know some people still wanted to see an update (gotten lots of DMs and also people following me). I didn't know where else to put it other than if I make the original here then put an update later now that I've talked to him. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/Dc9Ah29fUm)  **July 26, 2022** Hey all, it’s been a few days and I wanted to make an update on this post on relationships (the text got removed so you can read it [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/w6xvcl/my_boyfriend_28m_abandoned_me_32f_on_our_date_for/) if you didn’t see it.) I read almost all of your comments both positive and negative, and it was truly a mixed bag. A few people were saying that I was a narcissist who needed therapy, some people were saying the complete opposite that it was Andrew who needed therapy, and finally a lot of people had genuinely thoughtful and insightful advice, albeit opposing advice. Ultimately, I decided to do what felt right. (I know I came across as toxic toward the end so I am sorry about that. I had gotten really defensive after everyone reached the same conclusion and at first I didn’t want to accept it, but that’s no excuse. Thanks to those of you who took the time to advise me, I appreciate it!) Onto the update. Though I blocked Andrew, we share some friends and they told me he desperately wanted to get in contact with me, but he would respect my wishes if I said no. I decided I would hear him out. I reasoned “he’s done wrong but if he sets boundaries with Eddie and reaffirms his commitment to the relationship we can work through it. If not, we are done.” I felt it would be childish to ghost him without having an adult discussion about our relationship. We met up and he looked sort of nervous when normally he’s self-assured, so this immediately ticked me off as something being wrong. I started off by telling him that I was unhappy he constantly chose Eddie over me and didn’t seem to care about my feelings. Admittedly I haven’t been the best communicator myself, instead reverting to anger, so I apologized for that as well. He swore he didn’t know that I don’t like the beach, and if he had known he wouldn’t have suggested we go, so there’s that. I said we could still make this work if the both of us were willing to put in the effort and he had a discussion with Eddie about what’s appropriate for a friendship. Well, that isn’t going to happen. He told me that he’s so sorry that he led me on for two years but can’t in good conscience stay in a relationship with me any longer when Eddie still needs him. Despite the writing basically being on the wall I wanted to confirm for certain: is he in love with Eddie? The answer is complicated. For context, Andrew is an extremely helpful person, the type of guy willing to give you the shirt off his back if you need it. This is especially apparent with Eddie. I had a suspicion that Eddie has some sort of mental illness, but I didn’t know the extent until Andrew shared that Eddie’s very depressed and has attempted in the past. It was actually Andrew who stopped him before it got to that point and Andrew’s felt this obsessive need to protect and care for him since. In Andrew’s words, Eddie’s very fragile and needs him. u/GFTurnedIntoTheMoon you hit it right on the head. He swears up and down that nothing romantic has ever happened with them whether that be kissing or anything more, which I believe. Still, Eddie is the most important person in his life and will always be according to him. When we got into a relationship he had apparently convinced himself that he could have two “most important people” but that isn’t the case and he only just realized now, two years down the line. I asked him what will happen when he wants his own family, and he said that he won’t marry anyone, or have kids, because it won’t be fair to anyone involved, despite saying how much he wanted a family in the past. I suppose that was a lie, or maybe he only wants a family with Eddie, idk. So yeah. Andrew is so obsessed with/dependent on Eddie that he’s sacrificing the chance to have a family because of it. And to answer the question of whether he is in love with Eddie, he says he is straight but he’s never felt anything like when he’s around Eddie, though now that I write this I think that it just could be because they have a codependent relationship. I’m not fully convinced he’s *in* love with Eddie in the romantic way, but rather he loves Eddie so much that he will do anything for him. Then again I might be wrong. To me, this is super unhealthy, but it’s not my problem anymore. He told me that he was really sorry and he hates that he did this to me. He seemed genuinely torn up about it too, but that’s not changing the fact that 2 years of my life are wasted. I’m a 32 year old woman who dreams of having a huge family yet I don’t have a partner and I’m in no shape to get one anytime soon. Sure I’m still relatively young, but time is ticking. He promised he’d set me up with someone as if that’s going to make up for this. I doubt he’ll do it anyway since all he cares about is Eddie or at least that’s what it looks like. You probably think I sound so salty and angry right now, well it’s because I *am* salty and angry. I don’t have it in me to have a positive outlook right now. I know I should move on and stop feeding into my anger toward him, but it’s only been 2 days so I’m not about to do that anytime soon. Thanks again to those who dealt with my BS in the comments. I know how infuriating it must’ve been, because rereading them, I too feel annoyed at my past self. **TLDR**: You all were right, sort of. Andrew feels a need to protect Eddie, and is also sacrificing his own desires for Eddie’s. They love each other but refuse to acknowledge it, but they’re practically in a relationship already so whatever. Meanwhile I’m alone. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My boyfriend (28M) abandoned me (32F) on our date for his best friend (28M) who “needed him”

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17s3bs1/my_boyfriend_28m_abandoned_me_32f_on_our_date_for/

17s3czz

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/wtfmomareyouserious **My [15F] mom [38F] is cheating on my dad [36M] with a family friend [35-40M] and he doesn't seem to care. What do I do?** **Thanks to u/ihtsp for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!mentions of infidelity!< [Original Post - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7vfd0i/my_15f_mom_38f_is_cheating_on_my_dad_36m_with_a/)  **Feb 5, 2018** This got kinda long. Sorry. I don't even know where to start. My hands are still shaking I'm so mad/upset/whatever. I just still feel so scatterbrained right now, so i apologize in advance if things I say don't make a lot of sense or if I start rambling. I'll go back and edit things as best as I can. For clarity, the husband will be 'H', and the wife will be 'W'. My parents have been friends with a couple their age since before I was born. They are all best friends with each other. They seriously do so much together, and I've known the couple ever since I can remember. W is seriously the nicest person in the world. It makes me sick to think about because I've always been fairly close to H and W, and they have a son that I'm friends with. It also makes me feel even weirder because of all the things they've done for us. Apparently they have helped my parents out with money before when things have been tight (like buying them a new car when my dad got in an accident and wrecked his and needed one for work). They're pretty rich, whereas we're not. That's not to say we're poor, but there was stretch where my dad got laid off for a while. My mom works for our church, so I guess she doesn't make a whole lot, and my dad works for a car manufacturer making better money than he did when I was younger. So anyways, last night, H was over at our house to hang out with my dad. Like I said, they're best friends and he and W over here a lot, and my parents are over at their house a lot, so it's normal. Anyways, my dad went to bed kinda early, cause he has to get up early for work in the morning, but H stayed to hang out with my mom for a bit (again, that's normal for them). So the way our house is set up, it's two stories, and the ceiling of the living room goes up to the second floor and is just kind of open so you can stand in the walkway of the upstairs and see into and hear whats going on in the living room. Well, I had been in my room for the most part, and I walked out to go to the bathroom when I overheard mom and H in the living room talking in a more quite than normal voice. I thought it was weird, so I tried to listen in on their conversation. I guess they thought I was asleep or still in my room. It's not word for word, but it's close enough. >H: "What time do you think you need to leave to pick up u/wtfmomareyouserious from school tomorrow? I was thinking I could come over for a little while if you feel up to it." >Mom: "You might as well just come over once she's dropped off at school. I've got some meetings to go to after lunch." >H: "Just text me when you get back to the house and I'll come over. Do you want me to bring over anything special?" >Mom: "Let's just keep it simple this time. We've been doing so much freaky stuff lately that I just want to take things easy the next couple of times." At first I couldn't even believe what I was hearing, and was convinced I must have misheard things, but from their tone of voice, there was no mistaking it. I didn't listen to anything else cause cause I felt like I was going to throw up and snuck back into my room. I felt completely numb. Here's my dad's best friend talking to my mom about coming over and having sex with her. I thought about just barging downstairs right then and there, or going and waking up to tell my dad, but I was just too nervous and in shock to even move. After laying in my bed for what felt like an eternity, I finally decided I would get up before my dad left for work and talk to him about what I heard. Anyways, to make an even longer story short, I went downstairs around 5am when I heard my dad making breakfast, and told him I needed to talk. After about 10 minutes of just rambling, I finally told him what I heard. At first, he had a look of surprise on his face, but pretty quickly, he went back to looking like normal. He didn't even sound any different when he talked and just said "Don't worry about anything, I'm sure you just misunderstood what they said." I was like, no dad, I heard the way they were talking to each other. He just kept telling me not to worry about anything, that I must have heard incorrectly, taken things out of context, and so on. Not so much as a "I'll talk to mom", or "let me figure things out", or "thanks for letting me know". I just don't understand. It's not like my parents have a bad relationship. They obviously love each other, and I've heard them having sex before. They've talked to me about sex before, so it's not like the topic of sex is awkward to talk about or anything either. Anyways, my dad left for work and left me alone in the house with my mom. I called one of my friends and asked them if they could pick me up for school, cause I couldn't even think about looking at my mom after all that's happened. I ended up getting my school stuff and going over to my friends house cause I didn't even want to wait for my mom to wake up. A little bit later I got a text from my dad. Here is what it said: u/wtfmomareyouserious, I appreciate you coming to me this morning and talking. I again just want to tell you not to worry about whatever it is you heard. Like I said, I'm sure you just misunderstood what mom and H were talking about. Please don't let this affect your day, and just stay focused on school. We can talk more when I get home if you want. At this point, I just don't know what to do. I'm stuck at school, my dad either doesn't believe me, or he does but doesn't care, and I can't even bare the thought of seeing my mom. I was thinking of either calling out my mom to her face when I get home, but the more I think about that, the more I know I probably couldn't do it. I was also thinking of texting W and letting her know. She is so nice and doesn't deserve to be cheated on either. If my dad is just going to say the same thing as this morning, I don't even want to bother with talking to him again. What should I do Reddit? **tl;dr:** Mom is cheating on my dad with his best friend. I told him, but he doesn't seem to believe me or care. What should I do? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **fishbear1984** >Your Dad’s first job is to shield you from things that would hurt you. This includes preserving your sense of security in your family. This is his issue to deal with, and not yours, so he’s making sure that he does his best to keep you from carrying this on your shoulders. >Additionally, you might want to consider that your parents are open about this with each other. Open marriages are a thing. **OOP replied** >>Thank you for the advice. My dad has always been an extremely caring guy and protective of me, so I guess either way, that's why he was so...idk...normal when I told him this morning * **greenbean999** >Honestly: you do nothing. >This is their relationship. They might have an arrangement in their relationship that this is okay. They might have threesomes. Your dad might be fully aware already and was just surprised to hear you say something. >You’ve done all you need to do already. Just move forward with school etc **OOP replied** >>I just don't even know how I can ever look at my mom or H again, let alone his wife. I'm trying to focus on school, but all I can think of is the fact that my mom is probably getting plowed by H as I type this. **OOP UPDATED ON THE SAME POST** UPDATE: Figured it wasn't worth making a new post just to update, so I'm putting it here. Before I get into it though, I want to address a few things. First, thank you to everyone who gave me some advice. I know this may not seem like a big issue to some people, but it was very stressful for me and this was a good place to vent and get my thoughts together and get some outside opinions. Second, many people have been telling me that I'm not entitled to know anything about my parents sex life, and I completely understand this. I'm not looking for the nitty gritty details, I just want to know that everything is okay. When my dad was telling me "don't worry", "maybe you didn't hear them correctly", "you misunderstood", it made me feel like he didn't care about what I was telling him, or worse, that he just didn't believe me. Now onto the update. Just before lunch, I got called out of class to the front office. My dad had left work to come pick me up. I didn't really say anything to him when I first saw him, and when we finally got in the car and started driving, I said "just tell me everything is okay, that's all I want to know" and started crying. I don't really know why I was crying, I wasn't so much sad as I was just worked up and emotional from all that took place and for feeling like I didn't have anyone to talk to. My dad told me that everything is okay, and he would explain things when we got to where we were going. He ended up taking me to my favorite restaurant for lunch, and when we walked in and to our table, my mom was there. If I've ever wanted to know what it was like for my heart to stop, my curiosity has been filled. I just stared at her for a second, and then she stood up and hugged me. I didn't really say anything, but I hugged her back. We sat down in a booth, me on one side, mom and dad on the other, and ordered some food and drinks. In short, as many people suggested, my parents have an arrangement with H and his wife. As I said in a my post and a few comments, my parents and I have always been comfortable talking about sex, and as weird as it was to think about their sex lives, we talked in small detail about what is going on. What my dad told me was "Your mother and H have a larger need for their desires, whereas W and myself have a smaller need for our desires, and we all agreed a long time ago that we all trust each other enough to allow mom and H to help take care of each others desires." My mom then asked me if I wanted it to end, and that my feelings and comfort were more important than anything else. I told her no (since, as many people told me, their sex lives is theirs, and I shouldn't try to interfere), but not to expect me to be comfortable around H for the time being. Don't get me wrong, he really is such a sweet guy (like his wife), but after hearing them talk like that, it would just be too weird for now. They asked if I was okay or if I had any other questions, and just listened to me, which I guess is really what I wanted from the beginning, to feel validated in needing to talk and to have someone to listen to me. So in the end, everything is okay between my parents, I got out of school early, and had a great lunch. Now I'm going to go home and catch up on the sleep I lost last night. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My [15F] mom [38F] is cheating on my dad [36M] with a family friend [35-40M] and he doesn't seem to care. What do I do?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17s3czz/my_15f_mom_38f_is_cheating_on_my_dad_36m_with_a/

17s4pv5

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/GoddessxM **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **My parents ruined my wedding and I don’t think I can get over it.** Trigger Warnings: >!alcoholism, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, DARVO!< --- [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/17l8c00/my_parents_ruined_my_wedding_and_i_dont_think_i/) - **November 1, 2023** My now husband and I got married on Halloween and I’m not okay with how our day went. We didn’t want anything big, just close friends and family, at the courthouse, dressed in costumes. There were supposed to be 12 adults and one child that was on our guess list. Let’s start off with the night before. My husband got sick and he took the whole day to recover to be well. The plan was get my nails done, have my mom French braid my hair, then go home, help him feel better and pack. When I got to my parents house, my mom informed me that my two aunts weren’t coming and that she invited my cousin. I didn’t want him there, firstly. Second, she told me as my dad was on the way to pick him and my sister up. I love my cousin, but I’m not close with him and he’s an alcoholic that everybody enables. My small reception was not dry and she promised me he wouldn’t be a problem. The reception was at my parents house, so she was busy cleaning. I still needed to comb my hair out and she wanted to surprise me with decorations. Long story short we were running low on time as it was 9pm and I needed to head home to sleep since our wedding was early in the morning. She doesn’t start my hair until after her and my cousin start drinking and smoking. I’m already annoyed. I make it home at midnight and still have to check on hubby and pack. I go to bed at 3 am and have to be up at 5 am but I woke up 30 min late. I drive back to her house to get ready and help her get ready. When I get there everyone is sleeping because after they put up the decorations, they stayed up drinking and smoking. All ready running late and stressing because the veil I made myself wouldn’t stay, my cousin starts rushing me. My parents start fighting loudly and I’m already exhausted. We make it to the courthouse get married and I got a hand full of pictures but everyone else is in like 30 pictures. I got 1 pic that I liked and only 10 were taken. We get brunch and only my friends are talking to me and my husband everyone else isn’t even paying attention to us. My mom keeps saying “I’m a mother-in-law today” my friends had to leave(they let us know in advance) so now it’s just my family. My cousin is super drunk, won’t stop talking, no one is listening to me and the only person that keeps checking on me is my husband. Eventually I get overwhelmed and we check into our hotel and take a nap. 2-3 hrs later, we head back to the house to give everyone a second chance. But they are clearly more intoxicated and loud. Cuss words are flying my husband try’s to calm me down by telling me to start playing our wedding playlist that we made ourselves. The entire time my cousin is complaining about the music. He wanted us to play more hardcore rap. Now I wasn’t opposed to song requests and even played some songs he requested. But every song that wasn’t his he complained, asked me to turn it off, or asked why would I play this song. Our first dance was to “can I have this dance” from HSM and he asked me to turn it off. When we were ready to cut the cake no one came and took pictures. No one was even in the room with us because my cousin was drunk rapping his hot mess “bars”. My wedding day didn’t feel like my day. I had no say in anything, no one paid attention to us, and I have one picture. This was supposed to be the happiest day of my life but here I am. I’m crying at 4:32 am on Reddit, no sleep, while my husband sleeps peacefully. I couldn’t tell him earlier because we had to get intoxicate just to deal with them and he already doesn’t like my dad so I didn’t want him to say anything in that situation &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/17nae1o/my_parents_ruined_my_weddingupdate/) - **November 3, 2023** I posted here about how my parents and cousin ruined my wedding and how I didn’t know what to do. So here’s the update. After posting here I tried to get some sleep but couldn’t and ended up waking my husband. He and I talked and he told me he felt the same way. I cried all morning until he made me lay down to finally sleep. I maybe got 3 hours of sleep before waking up in incredible pain and feeling nauseous. We checked out of our hotel early and went to the hospital. I had the same sickness he had the day before our wedding. We went back to my parents house so I could get some real sleep before making the drive home. We did not talk to my parents about it. After talking to our friends we decided that we would redo the pictures next Wednesday and have a mini party to celebrate. My husband told me to feel my feelings but not to worry about it because he would fix it. I trust that he will. What I hadn’t mentioned in my previous post was this was my first wedding and we we’re having another one next year for everyone to come to. Which is why it hurt so much to have my mom do that to me. Neither one of us are particularly close with our families but has to not have drama we decided to have a smaller intimate one this year and the bigger, more extravagant one next year. After what happened with this wedding we both made the decision that my mom would never have the opportunity to do this to me again and she will have no say so in the next one. We did eventually talk to my mom about her actions and it went about as expected. She made herself to be the victim and me out to be the bad guy. She used my aunts passing as an excuse to invite my cousin. She also told me she asked if he could come but doesn’t see that she gave me no way to say no. She doesn’t understand how she ruined our day. “I’m sorry you feel like I ruined your day” was the apology I received. Eventually I gave up trying to get her to understand how she ruined and the fact that we weren’t mad at her just extremely hurt. I did tell her that there was no way for her to make this up to me and apparently that was the wrong thing to say. I “grey rocked” her until she got off the phone and cried into my husband’s chest until he made me laugh. As for going NC or LC with my parents. I was already LC with my dad for things in the past and I’m currently LC with my mom but she doesn’t get that. She’s called me 20x today alone and I haven’t answered once. I’m working on processing things that happened in childhood but I can’t get over the fact that they’re my parents. I know with everything that has happened, not even just my wedding, that I should be NC with them. For some reason my heart won’t let me. LC for now. We appreciate the comments you guys left and he really enjoyed reading that he’s doing a good job. I really did pick a good one and even though our wedding day wasn’t what we wanted I did marry the love of my life. He continues to prove that to me daily and I’ve never been happier. Unless something of more significance happens, this will be the only update. Thank you again and I hope you all enjoyed your Halloween. **Relevant Comments** **phoebebuffay1210:** I saw that first post and commented. I understand your pain and the hard place your mother always puts you in. It’s a NEVER win situation. You might want to read “the borderline mother” … it’s long and text book like but it really helped me process my situation. I would do it on audio book in increments. It’s a LOT. It really helped me though and I think it might be helpful for you too. I couldn’t do NC either bc they know how to drill guilt into us like it’s their fucking oxygen. I’m very LC now and the guilt isn’t so bad and I have more peace in my life. I wish the same for you. Your big celebration is going to be magical! >**OP:** My husband and I started dating he helped me start to realize how much guilt she’s drilled into me and this was the first time in my life that I didn’t allow it to work. It hurts because I’ve always put her feelings before my own but I’m a wife and plan to have kids I can’t keep doing that. He’s helping me and as much as it hurts I want better for our kids. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

My parents ruined my wedding and I don’t think I can get over it.

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17s4pv5/my_parents_ruined_my_wedding_and_i_dont_think_i/

17s4q8z

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/HortiWhore, **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **My mother decided to get married the weekend before me** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, attention seeking behavior!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/178ej6g/my_mother_decided_to_get_married_the_weekend/) - **Oct 15, 2023** I (26f) and my fiancé (26m) are getting married in two weeks. We have been engaged with our date set for over a year. My mom was the first person we called when we got engaged and all she said was “I’m sure I’m the last to know, you’re probably sick of hearing congratulations by now”. She flew out a couple months later for our engagement party. I was outside with my friend when she stormed outside, past everyone else sobbing and wouldn’t speak to me, except to yell at me to go back inside. Later she told me she was just overwhelmed. Then she met her boyfriend. She told me he makes her feel so loved like (my fiancé) does for me. But that she was also still seeing a few other people, mostly because her new boyfriend doesn’t speak any English and my mom doesn’t speak Spanish. They communicate through google translate. A few months later my fiancé and I are in my hometown for a childhood friends wedding. My mother was also invited and brought her boyfriend. I was in the wedding so my fiancé was stuck next to them for the ceremony, he said they made out the whole time and whenever they weren’t, my mom was complaining. During the reception if they weren’t on the dance floor grinding on each other they were back at their table making out, he even had his hand up her dress on several occasions. I brought up this behavior on the drive home and she said “he’s Latin, he’s just very passionate”. While we were in town my MOH decided to throw us a wedding shower (I even made sure the bride who’s wedding I was in was okay with it first). But it was a great chance for my fiancé to meet all of me friends, people I haven’t seen since before the pandemic the last time I was there. My MOH tried to include my mom in the planning, mom said she would bring table decorations and tablecloth’s. She brought them and then immediately sat down and got on her phone. Didn’t bother to even get the things out of the car. I asked her to frost cupcakes if she was just going to sit there while I set up tables. She agreed but complained about it the whole time. Once my friends started showing up she completely ignored everyone and just sat in the corner on her phone. My fiancé went out of his way to try and include her in every conversation. She knew a lot of people there, girls I’ve been friends with since first grade, people I went to high school with, my MOHs parents and she just ignored everyone. Then complained to my fiancé that I wasn’t spending time with her. Even though I had set the day before of our trip aside to specifically spend with her and my younger siblings. After we got back from our trip I found out I was pregnant. Again she was the first one I called because I knew she would be upset if she wasn’t. I called her several times and she didn’t answer so I called my dad and best friend and told them. When I finally got a hold of her she said “wow… congrats…” in the most monotone voice I’ve ever heard her use in my whole life. At the end of last month, her and my dad both told me they didn’t know if they could afford to come to my wedding (again the date has been known for over a year, I don’t understand why they didn’t work out travel and lodgings in advance, not to mention my mother just moved recently to be closer to her boyfriends job). I was honestly over all of her behavior at this point so I figured it would be a good thing if she didn’t show and I was at peace with it. But she worked it out and called me this past week to tell me she got the plane tickets for her, my brother and her boyfriend. Oh and by the way that they were getting married in a week. A week before my own wedding. My fiancé and I both cannot wrap our heads around how she could possibly think this is acceptable. She knows how much we’ve been looking forward to this and it just feels like I’m not allowed to have anything for myself. She always needs a slice of whatever I get. Now she’s going to come to our wedding and tell everyone that she just got married too. I have to warn our photographers not to speak to her because I know she’ll tell them she just got married and was wondering if they could take a few pictures of them together. She’s going to try to make our wedding her wedding, without having to pay for any of it. It feels like she’s jealous and just wishes to be me. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or if it’s past trauma to do with her (we have a long long history of not getting along. I thought we had been doing well in recent years, until I met my fiancé), but I literally never want to speak to her again after this wedding. I’ll definitely be going no contact for at least a little while. I don’t know if anyone will even read this novel but I desperately needed to get it off my chest. **Relevant Comments** **xHappyAcidx:** I wouldn’t even let her come to the wedding at this point. >**OP:** Honestly nobody wants her there, least of all me. I do want my brother there though and he lives with her and is dependent on her so she has to come as well **JonesinforJonesey:** She sees you as a rival to outdo from the sounds of things, probably disappointed she can’t have another baby too. Gross. Maybe you should warn everyone in advance that you’re suspicious she’s up to something and to watch out for their clothing. That would make everyone steer clear of her while keeping an eye on her at the same time. >**OP:** My bridal party and my future in laws are aware. My friend who’s wedding we attended is one of my bridesmaids and her husband and parents will be there. They were my second family growing up and her mother was appalled to get an invitation to my moms wedding a week before my own. But they said they would do their best to corral her. But I was just telling my fiancé if she hadn’t had a hysterectomy I bet she’d be telling everyone they’re trying to get pregnant &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/17mv309/update_to_mom_getting_married_the_weekend_before/) - **Nov 3, 2023** Hi everyone! I just wanted to say thank you for all the well wishes, my wedding was truly the best day of my life! I had the best day ever, no thanks to anyone in my family, a lot happened so I’ll have to keep everything brief. •I called my mom before her wedding and told her it was messed up she decided to get married a week before me. She had to have had this conversation with someone else or knew it was coming because she immediately launched in to “yeah I know but it just kind of happened this way it wasn’t intentional” •my friends mother went to her wedding so she could report back to us. Apparently my mom complained about me the whole time saying I was mad about nothing and told her she wasn’t allowed to talk about her wedding. Which I did but she had readily agreed to when we were on the phone saying she wasn’t trying to take any attention from me. •my whole family missed the rehearsal which would have been fine if they just listened to me about the line up at least one of the 12 times I told them what they were supposed to be doing. This caused an issue at the wedding, mom threw a fit, MIL saved the day and set her straight •mom made it to rehearsal dinner and after I was finished helping set up she came up to me, grabbed my stomach and started screeching hello to the baby. I backed up and asked her to please not touch me without permission and she was very upset. •mom refused to smile in any pictures she was in that her husband was not •my sister (she’s 14 and the youngest) threw a fit over the food we served. My dad missed our grand entrance, and first dance because he left to get her Subway. I told him it was a good thing I decided to not do a father daughter dance because he would have missed that too •my whole family left early, which was fine because we were under the impression they all had early flights the next morning, which is why they wouldn’t make it to brunch. Well my mother lied to all of us and put my brother on an early morning flight so she and her husband could travel to NYC (we live upstate) and take a little honeymoon. We only found out because one of my bridesmaids and her family ran in to her at the Statue of Liberty. My husband is pissed because we would have let my brother stay with us a bit longer and because my mom lied to his moms face about why they couldn’t attend brunch. My mom has texted me, I haven’t responded and don’t plan to. All in all though absolutely none of this matters to me. I’m married to my best friend, I had my fairytale wedding and now in about 4 months we’ll have a new baby that I’m over the moon excited for. Several people asked for updates so I thought I’d share the tea with you guys. &nbsp; **Additional Comments** Lil update to my update. My mom texted me several times asking if I was mad at her and she spammed me on Facebook on a post I made for my cats birthday lol. I responded saying yes I was upset for all of the reasons I listed above, most of all the lying and sneaking around. Basically she didn’t respond to any of the actually important points I made and just did her best to make me feel guilty and only acknowledged the parts she felt were defendable. But I told her I need space and we wont be speaking for a while. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **EqualInfamous4764** Congratulations on your wedding OP! So happy it went somewhat smoothly for you. As for your mother, she has shown her jealousy and efforts to make every thing about her. She did not care about being there for you, but being closer to NYC. (I’m also from upstate NY too). If I were you, I would cut her completely out of your life because the next thing will be her trying to make your pregnancy journey about her “becoming a grandparent”. You have your husband and in-laws too. Also, with your dad— he should have put a stop to your sister having a tantrum because she is 14, that is WAY too old for that behavior. I’d photoshop her out of your wedding photos too 🤷🏾‍♀️ all the best girly. >**OP:** Part of her reasoning for getting married before me was so that they could make this trip a little honeymoon. Which confused me because I was under the impression they would arrive Friday night, stay for the wedding on Saturday, and leave Sunday morning. Now I know she didn’t leave until Wednesday. I’m done letting her get to me though. Focusing on my new little family > >But yeah I told my husband our child would have had to go hungry until we left for the evening if they threw a fit like that lol **Commentator asks about the lengths of relationships and the dates** >**OP:** I was engaged with my date set for months and months before my mom even met her now husband. I told her on the phone that this feels like a competition that I didn’t sign up for. Idk if you saw my last post but they don’t even speak the same language and communicate through google translate. She’s texted me a few times now but I have no plans on responding any time soon &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

My mother decided to get married the weekend before me

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17s4q8z/my_mother_decided_to_get_married_the_weekend/

17s8o9x

**I am still not the Original Poster. That is** [u/aitasocialmediadad](https://www.reddit.com/u/aitasocialmediadad/). He posted in [r/AmItheAsshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) and [r/AITAH](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/) Previous BORU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15k9qw4/aita_for_losing_my_patience_and_saying_hurtful/). I have OOP's permission to share this post. New update marked with **\*\*\*\*\*** **Trigger Warning:** >!manic mental health episode; untreated bipolar; depression; physical abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Sad but hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/158e8cl/aita_for_losing_my_patience_and_saying_hurtful/)**: July 24, 2023** Hi everyone. I feel terrible about this, but I also sort of stand by what I said. My wife (34F) and I (32M) have been happily married for 8 years. We have two kids, 6 and 4. Until recently, we've been able to effectively divide our household chores and parenting duties equally. About 6 months ago, my wife's tiktok and instagram algorithms started showing her content that's primarily been involving criticism of men, particularly in terms of their contributions to marriages, parenting, and chores. I'm all for constructive discussions about gender roles and stuff like that, but the content I've seen from her account take it to an extreme, stereotyping all men as lazy, and neglectful. In the past few weeks, my wife began posting her own content about our personal life, portraying me as a negligent and uncaring husband and father who doesn't pull his weight around the house. I was really hurt when I saw these posts on our account, particularly because she has close friends, and family members on both sides who follow her account and are reaching out to me asking me if everything is okay in our marriage now that she's posting her own content, and not just reposting other videos she finds. Not only was her content way inaccurate, but I feel uncomfortable opening up these elements of my personal life to all of our friends and family, let alone strangers who have found themselves engaging as well. I attempted to discuss this with her. She shrugged it off, and accused me of being insensitive to the struggles with women, and not understanding her need for an outlet to vent. I completely lost my patience in front of the kids. I told her she was being a fucking keyboard warrior more interested in getting clout from toxic women online than the reality of our life. I also told her she was being an ungrateful dickhead and spreading lies about me and our marriage. As soon as I called her a dickhead and seeing her reaction to what I was saying, as well as hearing my daughter starting to cry, I regretted it. She looked more sad than angry with what I was saying, and she just sort of shut down and hasn't spoken to me since, outside of very minimal conversations about breakfast or plans for the kids. I feel like I have a right to be upset about what she's saying on social media, but I think I took it way too far. I really don't know how to approach the rest of the discussion we obviously need to have. ***Relevant Comments:*** *What is your work load/how do you split household thing?* "I'll respond to this one since multiple people have asked me for the chore breakdown, and this is a parent-level comment. Me: Take the kids to school Pick them up from school Cook dinner Clean up + dishes after Lawn duties Adult laundry Her: Sweep + mop the house 2 times a week Kids laundry + towels and linens Dusting the common areas Breakfast for kids Packing daily lunches/snacks for kids Maintains finances (this is what she does for a living) Together: Folding and putting away laundry Weekly "house cleaning day" where we go from room to room with the kids to set good housekeeping examples for them We alternate bath + bedtime routines for the kids Bathroom cleaning (she takes the half bath, I take the master, and we both take the kids together) I can't really think of anything else off the top of my head. In her social media posts, she has mentioned that she does all the cooking and the laundry, and has made comments that I criticize her cooking in the videos she makes. These are flagrant lies." *Clarification on meals:* "Meal plans are me. Arranging events are sort of nebulous. I guess we kind of do those together. Shopping list and shopping is me, with her input. Sometimes we go shopping together, especially if the kids are coming with us." *Clarification on yard work:* I'm happy to clear up confusion here. Yard work takes about 45 minutes to an hour total, once a week, between mowing, edging, and blowing. I also spray the driveway for weeds. No snow where we are thankfully. We call professionals for the roof, and for general major repairs. The gutters I do like once every couple of months. They don't get that messy. Her and I both water the bushes." *Have you tried to talk with her about what could be bothering her before this?* "Of course, I've approached her about it before, but maybe not had like a discussion with her. One time, I told her that my mother called me and asked me if everything was okay because she saw some of the reposts she was sharing, and if she could please cool it with that. She shrugged it off, and said "they're just funny videos" and stonewalled me after that. I didn't want to get into an argument with her, so I let it go. Then I've just made comments here and there, but they basically went ignored until we had the discussion. I entered it calmly, in an attempt to get to the bottom of what her issues were with me, and why she was lying about it, and she got really aggressively defensive and acted like she was tired of hearing about her social media usage, and saying things like, "fine I guess I'm never allowed to vent about anything ever" and "fine I'll shut the fuck up and smile around your family". This is about where I lost my patience. I especially regret losing my patience at this point in the convo because I felt like I was about to learn what was making her unhappy lately, and I blew it." *One more from OOP:* "I really don't know why she's doing this. My guess is that her first post on the topic got more attention than she was expecting, which made her feel good. But she stonewalled me every time I brought it up. I tried to have a sit down with her already, and this was the result of that. It feels like she knows how to push my buttons in an argument. That's not to say that there's an excuse to lose my temper the way I did, but if I try to calmly approach it again, I just feel like it's going to go back to the "I guess I'll just shut the fuck up and smile forever" stuff, which I feel is super manipulative, unproductive, and just uncaring about my feelings. I could try to approach the topic of marriage counseling, but at this point, I'm just afraid of approaching the topic again." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15driu6/update_aita_for_losing_my_patience_and_saying/)**: July 30, 2023 (6 days later)** I don't really know where to begin. A lot of things happened really quickly, and I'm super emotional, and need to use Reddit as a sounding board again. I told myself I wasn't going to do this again, because I really didn't want my situation being stolen and ending up on tiktok or whatever, but I'm just finding that I need more direct realism from strangers rather than just people patting me on the back. I'm pretty sure my marriage is over. I don't know. I sat her down to talk to her about it again, this time away from the kids, and a lot more confident that I was going to keep my cool. I prefaced the conversation by saying I didn't want this to be an argument, I just wanted to get to the bottom of this behavior, and wanted to explain how it was affecting me, and how other people view me. Pretty much the moment I began talking, she shut me down, and... I don't know if what she did is gaslighting, or if she's having some sort of mental break, or maybe a wizard came down and magically hypnotized me for the past several months, and I'm just now coming out of it. Basically, she said that everything she is saying on SM is true, and that I have no right to police what she does or says online. I decided my best course of action would be to try to challenge her on the "everything I'm saying is true" part by breaking down the chores for her, and showing the division of labor. In fact, I used the same list I typed up in a comment from my previous post, which is here: Me *Take the kids to school* *Pick them up from school* *Cook dinner* *Clean up + dishes after* *Lawn duties* *Adult laundry* Her: *Sweep + mop the house 2 times a week* *Kids laundry + towels and linens* *Dusting the common areas* *Breakfast for kids* *Packing daily lunches/snacks for kids* *Maintains finances (this is what she does for a living)* Together: *Folding and putting away laundry* *Weekly "house cleaning day" where we go from room to room with the kids to set good housekeeping examples for them* *We alternate bath + bedtime routines for the kids* *Bathroom cleaning (she takes the half bath, I take the master, and we both take the kids together)* This is how she responded to all of it: Take the kids to and from school: "Wow, you sit in a car for an hour, great job dad!" Cook dinner: "Cooking is your favorite thing to do so it's not really work" Dishes afterwards: "Ohhh you clean up after yourself, do you want a cookie?" Lawn duties: "So you spend an hour away from the kids every weekend, next" Laundry: (paraphrasing) "This is also the bare minimum" It was at this point that I noticed how everything I'm doing is the bare minimum and "expected of me," while she expects to be treated like a hero and a martyr for doing her chores. I found this to be highly transactional and adversarial for really no reason. I asked her why she was only bringing this up now instead of communicating with me, and she didn't have a real answer. Something to the effect of, "it's not my job to teach you things you should already know" which I'm paraphrasing, but the discussion got really heated at this point. The discussion had spiraled completely out of control, and she started to pound the table, and at one point threw her mug into the sink so hard that it broke. Things had gotten completely unproductive, so I went to go wake the kids up from their nap, and take them to a friend's house for the day for things to calm down. I went into their room and started getting them ready, and when I walked out into the hallway (out of view of the kids), she came from around the corner and sucker punched me, and screaming that I, I guess because I was taking the kids out for the day, that I'm weaponizing them and manipulating the situation to make her seem crazy. I don't even remember the small details of what happened next. The kids were scared, I eventually got them into the car, and left. I went to my friend's house, who already knew everything that was going on. I just stayed there for a bit while the kids played with his dog in the back yard. A few hours later, the police show up at the house. Thankfully she didn't make any insane accusations like I feared when they pulled into the driveway. Essentially she just told them that I "took her kids without her permission" and told them where I was. They told her that they can't do anything about me taking the kids, because I'm their custodial father. They came to sort of tell me what was going on, and to let me know what they talked about. I did not tell them about her punching me. But I'm just done now. Barring a serious neurological disease causing the issue, there's no conversation that I can have with her that will allow me to get past all of this. My friend agrees with me. My marriage is over. I'm calling a lawyer tomorrow, and I'm going to be as low-conflict as I possibly can to get this all over with and move on with my life. That's all I can do. Thanks for listening. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Could it be an underlying medical issue?* "The idea is kicking around in my head. Her mother has bipolar disorder, but it's been well-controlled for over 2 decades, and I've never experienced any evidence of it for as long as I've known her." "Her mother is bipolar but it's super well controlled, and I've never experienced any evidence of it in her behavior. Is bipolar disorder genetic? None of the other stuff that I'm aware of. Her family are beautiful people.” **Update in Comments (Early July 31, 2023)** Responding to the top level comment with a response to some popular sentiments: Sorry for not answering questions sooner. I found that getting all of this off my chest and talking on Reddit wasn't really helping. I just found myself wallowing in the situation, so I got off and just hung out. Apparently my wife went to the hospital for something, stayed there for a few hours, and is now back home. We texted a bit, and it seems like she's beginning to understand the gravity of the situation. For everyone telling me to file a police report, I'm going to meet with a lawyer tomorrow and take their recommendations first and foremost. They're most likely going to recommend I file a report, but... I don't know that I'm ready emotionally to take these steps. Despite the fact that our relationship was deteriorating, this all happened really fast. This went from a solvable, annoying problem to "my life as I know it has ended" so everything I do feels heavy, and every decision I make is going to have severe long term ramifications for myself and the kids, and I'm just trying not to take that lightly. The punch wasn't so much of a "punch", more like a, not sure how to put it, maybe like a push made with her fist? It didn't hurt, I was just in shock for the most part. I didn't really know what to do or say, so I just removed myself from the situation. When she did it, and got done screaming, she looked like she didn't realize what she had done, then proceeded to let me take the kids. I know I said that there are several things that I'm not going to be able to get past, but I can't shake the feeling that something about this situation is off. It didn't make sense a few months ago, the big fight still doesn't make sense, and the situation is only getting worse. Is she suffering from some sort of mental break? What the fuck is happening to my wife. I guess I'll go try to respond to some other comments directly now. Edited to add: Just looked, and it appears she removed all traces of that crap from her social media. **Update as of this afternoon: (Same Post, July 31- Next Day)** I spoke with the attorney that I set the meeting for this morning. We started discussing the paperwork, the fees, and basically everything I need to initiate a divorce. He did recommend I file a report with the police, just like everyone else did. About 2 hours ago, my mother in law called me. She had been speaking with her daughter for a couple of weeks, and was already worried that her daughter had been having an episode similar to the ones she was having when she was younger. For those of you who had missed it in the comments, she is openly bipolar, but it's well controlled, and she hasn't really had an "episode" in many years, for lack of a better way to describe what she believed to be mild anger issues. ***(Editor's note- because there has been some confusion, based on OOP's comments I think the situation is that his MIL is the one that used to have episodes when she was younger, but her bipolar is now well controlled and OOP has never seen MIL experience these. NOT that the wife has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. MIL is recognizing possibly similar signs in her daughter as what SHE (MIL) experienced when she was young)*** Anyway, after our last fight, my wife called her sobbing, saying she doesn't know what's wrong, and that we just had a fight that spiraled out of control, and now I'm leaving her and taking the kids. My mother in law said she was going to fly into town, and told her to go to the hospital in the mean time if she's afraid of hurting herself or anyone else. So she called the police to tell them what was going on (not to report me for "kidnapping" the kids, as I previously thought, also based on what the police officer told me which was just false I guess), and then she went and checked herself into the hospital for short term psychiatric care. She was evaluated, and determined not to be a danger to herself at that time, and was sent home with an anti anxiety medication and a referral. Her mom and I talked for a long time, and she started talking to me about her episodes and how they would present themselves, and to be honest, it sounded a lot like what's been going on. Apparently my wife was noticing something small or insignificant (her mom's words) and then the anger would spike, and there would be a chain of different thoughts in a weird progression that ultimately ends up being angry at something that didn't really happen, but "could" happen. I'm not really sure I fully understand, but I listened, and appreciated her telling me. Not that I really know what to do about any of this. I can say right off the bat that I'm not as angry about her punching me as you all are. Especially if she is having an untreated manic episode, realizes it, and tries to work on it. I'm going to take a few days to process this with my kids. My wife knows how to contact me if she needs to, but it seems like she's been giving me a lot of space, especially since she spoke with her mother. Thanks for reading everyone. I guess I'll update with a post later on with what happens this week. I wouldn't get your hopes up over something juicy or entertaining, as I would like for this all to be over, so that we can all move on with our lives. ***Clarifying Comment:*** "The children did not witness her assaulting me." **\*\*\*\*\*New Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17msg77/another_update_aita_for_losing_my_patience_and/)**: November 3, 2023 (3 months later)\*\*\*\*\*** I want to thank everyone for their input here. AITA, AITAH, and BestofRedditorUpdates. It's not an award show so I'll get right to it. More meta-thanks stuff at the end. My wife's psychiatrist hasn't really... confirmed anything with her mental health, but he does have her on some medication which basically made my wife herself again, other than some other minor side effects. They are proceeding under the assumption that she has bipolar disorder, but the evaluation was super quick before they gave her a treatment plan. To be honest, it made me feel like the entire service was just a pill mill because she was prescribed medication on her first 30 minute visit and the "evaluation" was like maybe 10 questions according to my wife. But apparently she needs to be taking this medicine in conjunction with a behavioral therapist, and then the therapist and psychiatrist get together and tag team the issue I guess. Her mother has also been an absolutely incredible woman these past couple of months. I really don't know where I would be, or where the situation would have ended up without her, and I couldn't be more grateful that she jumped in and essentially took control of the situation with a lot more love and grace than I could have ever imagined. I'm sorry to say that I didn't immediately divorce my wife and call the police to have her arrested. I know some of you were really passionate about me doing that. While the "punch" put me in a lot of shock, I reflected on it as more of a wake up call that something was wrong, rather than overreacting about it and treating her as a legal adversary. I'm not a doctor, so this is just how I understand what happened based on what the doctor told us: My wife experienced an episode of prolonged mania, which the psychiatrist classified as "chronic mania." Social media has dopamine-releasing effects which could have been a double-edged sword in the sense that it may have been easing symptoms in the moment, but also sort of prolonging the overall issue, as she may have been consuming validating content, and allowing it to shape some of the altering effects of mania. It's possible that she was showing symptoms, or that they were very slow to present themselves over the course of months or maybe even years, and eventually those symptoms just sort of come to a head. Part of my wife's treatment plan is to severely reduce the use of social media down to just interacting with people she knows personally for now. However, what seems like really great news for our marriage then turned into some new problems. My wife has been absolutely grief stricken. She became very depressed in guilt for what she claims she put me and our family through. Telling her it's okay, and that we're going to be just fine, and that we love her... it's falling on deaf ears, and no amount of consolation from me is helping. Her mom steps in to help, and it works, but mostly temporarily. We're hoping this level of depression is something that can be worked through in therapy, rather than a side effect of her medications, but right now she's just sort of "submitting" herself to the family, and turning all of her "love languages" up to 10 trying to make up for everything that's happened. I told her the other day that the best thing she can do for not even us, but for herself, is to just focus on the treatment, and everything will be like it hasn't even happened. She's just so, so apologetic and I don't want her to be. She's been crying a lot, and I just don't know how to help her sometimes, outside of what I've been telling her. One conflict we're having right now is that she's trying to make up for a lot of the conflict with sex, and while we've had sex with her being in this state a few times now, I don't feel "clean" about it. While she's back to being "herself" in a lot of ways, in other ways, this feels less like authentic, mutually enjoyed sex, and more like "apology sex" which makes her more very submissive, and I'm having a difficult time articulating why I don't feel right about it. I just want her to slow down and focus on becoming 100%. That being said, we're going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine. My wife will get past this hurdle, and we'll live happily ever after. I do want to thank Reddit for their input here. There were times where I began to think that this wasn't going to be a helpful exercise, because some of the comments made me feel like I was doing the same sort of self-defeating doomscrolling that my wife was doing, and letting a lot of negativity influence how I approach the situation. And to be fair, there was a lot of that, but there were a lot of people that had me focusing on details that I don't think I would have picked up before things really exploded between my wife and I. Everything is really fuzzy now, but I think it was a Redditor that told me to look a little deeper at the mental health aspect of the situation, which sparked a conversation with my incredible mother in law, and drove us to a real solution. And despite these comments frankly being few and far between, I can't say that Reddit hasn't been incredibly helpful, and for that, I wish I could show more appreciation for the community than just thanking you all. This should be my last update before I pop back onto my main account, and back into obscurity. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again for all of your input and support. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Has she deleted her social media and stopped making posts?* "The account is still there, but it's privatized, and she cleared all of the content off of it." *Moving forward:* "I have my eye on the situation, and we have a number of people in our support system ready to help stabilize her if the medicine has unintended side effects, or if she has any major swings. The psychiatrist has her on one medication so far, and will continue to make changes to them as time goes on and we get more information as to what we're dealing with." *Someone suggests maybe helping her to focus on herself during sex:* "Thanks. This has been one of the most stressful few months of my life. I could use a long nap and a vacation. As for the sex thing... I'm sure I'll figure it out. I don't want to focus so much on it, because I think as the situation begins to even out, the sex will too. I mainly mentioned it because it was just a new side-problem that popped up in the midst of everything else, and at the moment, I'm hypervigilant about anything that feels "off" in case I misinterpret the situation again and make things worse." *To those who think he's just excusing everything and she hasn't taken accountability:* "I'm choosing to recognize the nuance of the situation. I do not think she was in a sound mental state to understand how bad things have gotten. She didn't even realize anything was wrong until things had come to a head. I have my eye on the situation, but I do not think this situation will repeat itself. I'm going to be honest with you... I don't mean any disrespect because I appreciate your comment, but I don't know how you read my explanation that my wife was suffering mania from an untreated mental illness, and decided that I'm "excusing her bullshit." I would love you to elaborate on that, so that I can reconcile those two ideas." *OOP addresses someone's thought-out comment regarding wife not taking accountability here. It's long, but gives perspective so I wanted to include it:* Thank you for your response. I do agree that you sound very angry about certain aspects of life, but in all fairness, you laid your thoughts out here in an organized way, and in some respects, I can see where you're coming from. I'll respond to you point-by-point: >What I cannot abide is that now because of her illness her actions in the past and going forward will have this little asterisk on it that allows for a removal of personal responsibility. Here's the thing... there are some situations in life, particularly surrounding mental illness, that you frankly **aren't** responsible for. My wife has never dealt with any of this before, and similarly, neither have I (with an immediate family member, anyway). She didn't realize what's happening, and you can't really hold someone responsible for how they behave in a state of mania, which is a form of delusion. I'm not demanding that she apologize for it. What matters to me is that everything is out in the open now, and she's working toward healing from what she's going through, so that she can look at life through a realistic lens, and mental health symptoms as completely controlled as they can be. I see your point about personal responsibility, but like I said there are very few situations in life where you can say that you're not fully responsible for your behavior, and I think this situation is one of those times. >she had an untreated mental illness that she did not take responsibility for. She didn't know she had it. I mean I guess there's an argument that can be made that she should have been looking out for these things considering her mother suffers from the same illness (that we know of), but again, she was in a state of delusion. A rational person should be responsible for her actions, but I'm not going to hold her accountable as long as she's aware of what's happening, and is working to fix it. Which she is. >She escalated the situation into physical abuse. She faces zero ramifications for any of that. You're referring to behavior modification via punishment. She's an adult woman. Her behavior doesn't need to be "corrected" by way of "ramifications" for her actions. >If it was you who had an untreated mental illness and acted the way she did how much grace, empathy, and understanding would you get? Do you think you'd be allowed near your kids after that? Any support at all? I don't know, but we're dealing with the situation in reality, how it's happening in real life, rather than dealing with it in a way that aligns with how we "would" deal with a hypothetical situation in which the genders are reversed. It's a useless scenario to think about. It's neither my or my wife's fault that society has double standards about how people would be treated in certain situations. All I can say is that a part of me trusts that my wife would do the same thing for me that I'm doing for her. Because we love each other, and this is the commitment that we made to each other in our wedding vows. In sickness and in health. And this is a sickness. I really hope I'm not sounding too aggressive towards you, because despite my overall disagreement, I truly do appreciate the care and passion you have for my situation, because it shows an incredible amount of empathy that you would respond in this manner to an internet stranger with this candor and vigor. *Has she made any public retraction of her lies about you?* "Most people didn't really care as much as I may have implied in the first post. Most of her online interactions were mostly with strangers, on the "tiktok" side of those apps, like tiktok/instagram, etc. As for our mutuals and family that followed her, they showed some concern at first, but they all pretty much know the story at this point. She didn't make person-to-person phone calls to make penance or anything like that, but we spoke to the important people about what happened, and for everyone else, it's just nobody's business, and I personally don't care enough about what acquaintances think about my marriage based on some meme-like content my wife shared in a manic state. And I'm not sure they care that much anyway. One friend-couple we know reached out to make sure everything was okay, we assured them it is, and that's really it. Nobody's been "blowing up my phone" or anything like that, and we haven't been focused on "setting the story straight," just on her recovery. Maybe one day we'll have a conversation when everything has blown over, and all of our priorities have been addressed, but for now, it's not on my list of major issues to address." **Edit: OOP posted wrote some comments on this post. Here are a few!** "OOP here. You guys are far too kind. I don't even know what to say right now. I'm pretty emotional, and have been for the past few days after a number of talks with my wife, now that she's sort of dragged a lot of discussions out of me. I'm just a little burnt out on going over every single discussion I've had with my wife, and I've been having trouble sleeping lately, so I'll be in the comments answering some very small ones today, and hopefully answering some larger comments tomorrow." *She's not going to be "fixed," you'll have to adjust expectations:* "If I mentioned any sort of satisfaction that the situation has been "fixed" then I misspoke. My attitude is more of an understanding that this is something we're going to be "living with" as opposed to "suffering from", especially now that we know what we're up against." *In response to some people saying mental health issues are not an excuse:* "Please bear in mind that my reaction to my wife's issues is not a tacit approval of the idea that nobody with mental illness is ever responsible for their actions ever. Every situation is different and fact-specific, and I dealt with this in the best way that felt right for me, but that doesn't mean that I am on a soap box preaching to Reddit that domestic abuse is fine as long as there are reasons for it. I really, really encourage others to see where I'm coming from on this." *Finally- what psychiatrist is treating her for:* "The psychiatrist explained to me that people have misconceptions on how psychiatrists operate clinically. Psychiatry is more about symptom treatment, rather than testing/diagnosing/etc. The real "treatment of the illness" is the ongoing therapy, which is out of the purview of psychiatry in this specific situation. Sort of like when you have a viral respiratory infection, you can be prescribed medicines to alleviate the symptoms like tylenol or decongestant, but the real "treatment" is staying hydrated, sleep, and good nutrition. I see it like therapy is the antibiotic, and psychiatry is the painkiller. Disclaimer: this is how the situation is working in this specific situation, not a universal standard. Every treatment plan is customized to the patient." **Wishing OOP and family the best. 💜**

New Update: AITA for losing my patience and saying hurtful things to my wife due to her social media usage?

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17s8o9x/new_update_aita_for_losing_my_patience_and_saying/