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182k5sd

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/moh\_throwaway1](https://www.reddit.com/user/moh_throwaway1/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17svnv8/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_my_best_friends/)**: November 11, 2023** I (28F) am entangled in a wedding drama of epic proportions. My recently engaged best friend (29F) asked me to be her Maid of Honor, and words can't even describe how happy I was. We've been inseparable since kindergarten, and I was ready to make her big day unforgettable. I spent nearly $700 on her Bachelorette party, buying cute outfits for everyone and renting a party bus with all you can drink drinks. The other girls pitched in but I'm the most finicially stable so the majority fell on me. I helped plan the wedding of her dreams, right down to contacting the vendors and setting dates when she was too busy. I made the save the date and invitation cards. What I'm trying to say is that I did a lot for her. And then, two weeks before the wedding my best friend asked me to step down and said that her future sister in law would be taking the role of MOH. I was pissed, and we got into a huge argument over this where I, admittedly, said things I wasn't proud of. Since then, I've recieved texts from our friends, best friends family, the grooms family, and even sister in law telling me that I'm a drama queen who needs to get over herself and that it isn't about me. This has really gotten to me and I need to know, was I in the wrong? Edit: grammer mistakes Edit 2: Thank you everyone who's been commenting and giving me advice! I'm going to wait a week to let emotions cool and then try and have a sit down with my friend to talk about this. I'll be logging off for now because I'm going to make a huge batch of cookies and watch some TV to relax. **Edit 3 (Same Post): November 14, 2023 (3 days later)** a small update and to answer some questions. I asked for $200 of the money back because $500 was a repayment from when she paid my rent in college for a month. I hadn't paid her back sooner because she requested I use it for her Bachelorette, she's been dating her fiance for 8 years, and were waiting to be more financially stable before getting married. Onto the update: I called her this morning and asked to talk, she agreed and we set up a meeting on Thursday at a local coffee shop. I'm a bit concerned because she sounded really shy and nervous on the phone. Hopefully that goes well and I can do an official update with happy news! Thank you so much for your advice and comments! ***Relevant Comments:*** *Asking for money back:* "I tried asking for some of the money back but she called me money hungry and said I never told her it was conditional" *Have you talked to SIL?* "Once or twice before this went down. She has been texting and calling me to tell me what a self centered jerk I am, but I haven't replied." *Did she give you a reason for why she asked you to step down?* "SIL is an introvert and might never get to be a MOH, I have a large friend group and might be a MOH at one of their weddings." *Is she close to SIL?* "She isn't particularly close to SIL and even would complain about her at times. SIL is the youngest member of the nearby extended family, she's 18. I don't know if that changes things but my friend felt like SIL was coddled." *Could there be something going on behind the scenes?* "I didn't consider behind the scenes abuse. From what I've seen of the fiance, he's very kind and sweet and treats her right. But I don't know much about the family. I want to talk to my friend once emotions settle a bit." "A few people have mentioned the groom's family pressuring her and I think it's likely. I thought it was extremely out of character but one person said she might be feeling pressured to conform to the family since she wants them to like her. I'm not sure what the actual reason behind her actions are but hopefully I can sit down with her soon and talk it out." *One more thought from OOP:* "She paid for the base dress and I was going to pay for alterations. I don't want to expose her online because we've been friends for over twenty years and I don't want to hurt her like that. I'm still hoping we can be friends. It does make me feel better that so many people are on my side, even if its just on reddit, I was genuinely starting to feel like I was going crazy." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17xkvig/update_aita_for_not_attending_my_best_friends/)**: November 17, 2023 (6 days from OG post)** Hi everyone! This is an update to my previous post, which you can find on my profile. First, I just want to thank everyone again for how kind and supportive you have all been but also how honest. I took everything to heart and everyone's advice was great! Now onto the update. I met my friend at around 9am yesterday at a local coffee shop, she looked really bad, her hair was super greasy and unkempt, she had really bad eye bags, and she seemed totally exhausted. When I asked her what was wrong she just apologized. I kept prodding and it turns out that her in laws are real pieces of work. Apparently they've been harassing her for nearly 3 years about having SIL as the MOH at the wedding and when my friend chose me they went ballistic. My friend said she thought she'd be able to handle it until the wedding day but then MIL threatened to ruin her wedding unless SIL was the MOH. My friend panicked and that's when she told me I would no longer be MOH. She apologized for the money hungry comment and said that she was just in such an awful place mentally that hearing me mention the money made her really upset. The reason all our friends were attacking me is because they knew about the MIL situation, as my friend never mentioned it to me because she didn't want me to step down because of MIL, and they thought I also knew the whole story. And as for the fiance, he was completely in the dark. He doesn't have a good relationship with his mother already and my friend didn't want to be what destroyed that relationship. When my friend told me all this I felt awful, I didn't know she was enduring three years of harassment because of me. I immediately apologized and she apologized and we both cried a lot. When the tears stopped she pulled out an envelope with $200 and gave it to me, I originally refused but she insisted so I took it. I encouraged her to tell her fiance because keeping this from him wasn't helping anyone and if he decided to cut off MIL then that was his decision, not hers. After talking a lot more about future boundaries, our friendship, and the wedding, I decided I would go to the wedding and we'd still be friends. I know my friend didn't handle this in the best way but I've know her for over 2 decades and she's practically my platonic soulmate. That's not something you should throw away because if this. Originally that was how my update ended, but as I was typing this I recieved a text from my friend saying that fiance disinvited his mom and practically half the family, including SIL, because of their treatment of my friend and me. She asked if I would be willing to be the MOH again and I said yes. I just want to give a final thank you to reddit for helping me through this and I hope all of you have a nice night.

AITA for refusing to attend my best friends wedding?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/182k5sd/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_my_best_friends/

182k635

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/NativeAnarchist **My boyfriend doesn’t give a f*ck?** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!religious abuse, racism, sexism, biphobia and misogyny!< [OriginalPost](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/159zsrj/my_boyfriend_doesnt_give_a_fck/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **July 26, 2023** Sorry about the title idk what else to put. It’s currently 3AM and I(19f) can’t sleep. I just got off the phone with my boyfriend (18m) and my stomach is kind of in knots. We were talking about politics, which is normally a topic he likes to avoid. But i like picking people’s brains so i talked him into it. Bad idea in hindsight. I knew he’s become bit more conservative than he was when we started dating 2 years ago, but tonight it really hit me that he’s more than a bit conservative. It started off relatively innocent enough, talking about the presidential election and so on. It later progressed to abortion and lgbt issues. He’s basically pro-choice but if i ever got pregnant with his kid and got rid of it, it would be a problem. Then it progressed to him supporting anti-trans laws, the don’t say gay bill, drag ban, etc. I feel like i talked a little bit of sense into him though? Before we got off the phone he asked if him voting for someone I didn’t like would ever be a problem. I told him only if they plan on infringing on people’s rights. Which he then asked what i meant by that. I said, “for example, if you vote for someone that wanted to get rid of gay marriage or something like that, it would have to be a conversation.” He got defensive saying if he agrees with everything else they say and wants to vote for them he can. I said, “yeah, and I understand that but they still want to take away someone’s rights, which isn’t ok.” He said that if that ever happened he would break up with me because “no one is going to control what I think or do.” I tried using a more personal example to get him to understand. I’m Native American, Lakota raised but choctaw registered. So I said, “ok what if you agreed with someone on everything, but they wanted to revoke reservation status from every tribe and take back rez land.” An extreme example, I know, but I wanted him to understand. He said if he agrees with everything else it doesn’t matter. It kind of broke my heart. It made me feel like he doesn’t care for me. I was so stunned i just sat there with my phone in my hand. He asked if there was anything else i wanted to talk about. I told him that threw me for a loop. We sat there with more quiet. He again asked if there was anything else i needed to talk about. I just said again i was thrown for a loop. He said he had to be up in the morning so he had to go. We said our “i love you”’s and that was it. When we started dating he loved hearing about my native culture and believed in lgbt rights. Idk what happened. Idk if he just drastically changed or if i was just duped. Typing this now, I’m realizing there’s been other things this past year that really hurt me and i just pushed it aside. I don’t want to let him go. I know he’s kind and he’s shown me so many times but some things concerning my native culture have caused problems this past year. It just really fucking hurts. Maybe it’s my fault for making it personal and I’m overreacting? Edit: I laid here for hours wondering why i posted this. But i think i just needed to feel like I wasn’t crazy or make sure I wasn’t just causing problems. This just kind of solidified in my head that there’s a good possibility he might not be the one that i need. As sweetly as he’s treated me there are some things I won’t share on here that were very pretty harmful to my mental health. I’m still going to get some sleep for good measure before i talk to him. Just for clarification, it’s not just about the voting thing, at least not for me. The thing is that he’s said hurtful things about my culture and about lgbt people. I am bi btw and somehow he’s gotten it in his head that it’s just me being quirky. Even though he knows I’ve kissed and talked to girls before we dated. Edit2: Bc a lot of people are confused, he called me at midnight to talk. When i said pick his brain i meant i wanted to find out what was going on up there, not start an argument. It wasn’t an argument, no one was yelling or taking personal shots at the other. We hung up around 2. Edit3: I did not expect this to blow up the way it did. But it was a civil discussion and I didn’t get upset until the last part. It has felt like he looks down on me for my native culture and bisexuality. He’s said that he wants a “good Christian wife.” And i am “Christian” to a certain degree. I would want to raise kids in church as long as it was one we both liked and one that didn’t degrade my culture. I would want a healthy blend and for kids to feel free to believe in whatever they want when they are older. He has said that he wouldn’t want kids around “that kind of stuff” in reference to my lakota beliefs. Which i have explained to him since. But when i talk about it at his house in front of his mom she calls certain things “evil” and “familiar spirits.” When she’s done this he has sometimes joined in. His response to my question worried me. Especially bc native rights, tribal status, and land have been threatened in the past few years. He didn’t want to go with me and my family to a powwow bc he said it would have “bad energy” and other things like that. I talked to my dad (white guy) and asked how my mom got him to go to one with her. He said he wanted to and i started crying and told him what happened. He said he would talk to my bf and he ended up agreeing to go. We ended up not going bc my sister got really sick. The whole me being bi thing we won’t get into bc it feels a lot more personal but yeah. I had hope until now that differences wouldn’t be a big deal. Now, I’m not sure if my bf will ever be able to accept me as I am. I’ve sat on it a little and realized that it’s not so much politics as it is empathy and values that are the issues. Last edit: Sorry this is such a mess i decided to write when i was extremely tired and scatterbrained💀 [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15blsrc/update_my_boyfriend_doesnt_give_a_fck/)  **July 28, 2023** So after i got off work last night, i called my boyfriend up. We were talking about benign things and then i said, “there is something that has been worrying me. Do you want to wait until tomorrow or can we talk now?” He said we could talk. So I told him that after last night, i got the impression that he would trade my culture and rights for lower taxes in a heart beat. That coupled with things he and his mom have said made me wonder what our future would look like and how i would fit into his family. He listened and said “I don’t really know what your culture is about but I’d probably be fine with it.” I told him how i would want to raise my kids to know who the white buffalo calf woman was and explained to him who she was. He said no and i asked why. He said because it’s not of god and it’s not real. When i asked why god couldn’t reach people in other parts of the world, he said it doesn’t matter bc it’s not real. I asked how he knew and he said “it’s not in the bible.” I responded with peter being hung on an upside down cross wasn’t in the bible either and people take that for truth. He said he’s fine with powwows and teaching kids to dance. I told him that doesn’t hold up bc everything we do as native people is in someway connected to our beliefs. (Ex. The drum we dance to is the heart of mother earth) i told him as important he is to me my culture is a part of me that’s also important. He said, “well then maybe this just won’t work.” I asked if that’s how he really felt and was met with a yes. I told him i still love him but I would get his things packed up from my house and have them back in the next couple days. He was shocked and started back tracking. I asked what his solution was and he said he didn’t know. It was quiet and i asked again a couple more times, every time being met with an “i don’t know.” He said he needed time to be alone and we would talk in the morning. We said our “i love you”s and hung up. This morning he texted me and said he just wants to be with me and not worry about the future. I told him this is something that’s important to me and it’s not just something i can afford to worry about when we get to it. He said that he’s willing to just sit and listen. He asked if i could talk about my culture more tn but i told him I’m already exhausted from work and we can talk about it tomorrow. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/Y4r67WHr9R)  **Nov 17, 2023** I deleted my last post, you guys deserve updates Ok, so my last post was titled something like “my bf doesn’t give a fuck?” Basically, he said somethings that made me question his support of my native culture and when i went to talk to him in depth about it my beliefs got bashed. I broke up with him bc he didn’t support my beliefs or believe i should teach my future kids my culture or traditions other than songs and dancing. It was hard at first bc i had deluded myself into thinking he was a kind, gentle, and generous person. I began confronting the things that hurt me and i pushed to the side to continue the relationship. I realized he probably never truly loved me. I dropped off his stuff at his house that weekend and he couldn’t even come outside to face me. His mom got it and i talked with her a while about what happened and how it was just the last straw. She said a lot of the same hurtful things he did but one thing stuck in my head that she said, “if you teach your children those beliefs, when you die you’re answering to god for it.” Along with telling me she had been told i tried to “convert” my ex and blaming me when i told her that her son had held me down to give me a hickey even tho i kept saying “no”, “stop”, and tried multiple times to ger him off. I realized that even if we did have a good relationship, I didn’t want to be a part of his family. A week after the breakup, I deleted the posts bc i was paranoid he was watching me. I had sent him multiple texts trying to work things out for whatever reason. At the week mark, i decided i was done waiting and sent him one last message saying that since he’s given me no sign that he wants to try, i was going to try moving on. I started talking to this guy on instagram for a few days and i knew something felt off bc he was saying oddly similar things to what my ex would say. Low and behold, he sent me pics and videos of him at the gym with my ex and i was immediately blocked. I had no idea they knew each other. I was furious and started texting my ex long paragraphs about things i had held back from saying. He said he “didn’t know” even tho i now knew that the reason his friend said such similar things was bc he knew. I left my house planning on breaking all the picture frames that had us in them on his car. I decided that no matter what he did doing that wouldn’t make my situation better and went to sit in the empty mall parking lot. My friend (we’ll call parker) texted me and i just vomited out everything that had just happened. He messaged back and asked if it was ok if he came and sat with me. I said yes but for him to fully expect screaming. Luckily, i got all of it out before he got there so his eardrums were ok. He got there at about 2am and we sat there and just talked until i think 7 or 8am. From then we didn’t go a day without talking. I talked about ridiculous tinder DMs i got and he would just listen and laugh. Eventually, i had a date with a guy. I got off work and spent a couple hours getting ready. He texted me that he wouldn’t make it bc his car broke down 3 HOURS prior, before i even got off work and we had texted the whole 3 hours. (Dodged a bullet bc i found out later he was into feet) i was livid bc it was a friday night and all of my friends had other plans already. Parker and i had been texting the whole time i got ready and so i of course told him my efforts were wasted bc this guy bailed. He offered to take me out instead. We went downtown, got pizza, and ended up star gazing in the mall parking lot after all the lights had gone out. There was a week where my ex and i started talking again. I won’t go into too much detail but he made it very apparent he missed what i did for him and not me. A couple examples, he tried offering me his college benefits if we got MARRIED before he went into the military, even tho if he had listened to a single word i said he would know i already get college benefits from my tribe. He also wanted to jump right back in like nothing happened, completely ignoring the amount of times i said i needed time to gain trust and respect for him again. The entire time i could picture my grandmother saying, “I wasn’t an activist for indian rights all my life for some white boy to and white wash and abuse you.” I continued talking to parker daily and he eventually said he had feelings for me. I told him that i needed time to process everything that happened bc I didn’t want to put him in a position that he was being used as a rebound. He respected that and i went on dates with other guys for a couple weeks but they all icked me. Longer story short, parker and I aren’t dating but having been talking for a few weeks. He genuinely is a kind and caring person, and I haven’t had to delude myself to believe that. He holds doors, looks at the stars with me, doesn’t get jealous when i hang out with friends, and just overall shows he’s a good and secure man. It might be another month or 2 before I consider making things official, just bc i want to make sure that’s who he is at heart and I’m not getting love bombed again. But i do have to tell you, it’s nice feeling seen for who i am and not having to water myself down for someone else’s ego. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My boyfriend doesn’t give a f*ck?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/182k635/my_boyfriend_doesnt_give_a_fck/

182kpvg

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Marvelhawkeye483 **Am I being weird buying some games off my work friend/colleague?** **Originally posted to r/GirlGamers** >!Accusations of drug abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/s/doT9G6KCAx) **May 23, 2023** Just need some unbiased opinions tbh. I have a work colleague who is also a good friend of mine, meaning we chat a lot outside work about games, memes, life and he helped me through a messy breakup. I also want to point out there's no romance or flirting involved as my friend is like 15 years older then me and has a family, if anything our dynamic is more like siblings. Now I have recently got myself switch oled for Xmas and have been buying some Pokémon games from him, as his wife/children have finished them and they don't need extra copies. And it also makes sense to me as I am getting them cheaper then if I have waited for a sale or bought pre-owned from the store, while he also gets more money if he just sold it to the store, so win win. My partner also doesn't see a problem here, since again we are getting the games for cheaper. I would also like to add that the games are in pristine condition and as good as new. However some of my other friends who game have expressed that they feel weirded out by this and believe that we shouldn't be doing it and should be going through proper channels of trading the game in as pre-owned and getting 10 bucks for it, so then the shop could sell it to me for 40. I really don't see it being weird, but maybe there's something I am missing out. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Shockin-Audrey** >would they think it was weird if you found and bought these games at a flea market or a yard sale?? you aren’t doing anything different than that. **OOP replied** >>That's what I was thinking! I don't see how different it is buying a game from a friend then buying a game at the market or marketplace * **ohaIjiachi** >............Are you friends perpetually high/drunk/on drugs???? what kind of ''''logic'''' even is that??? lmfao I can't even **OOP replied** >>🤣🤣🤣 no for all 3. I couldn't get the logic here and thought there could be some cultural unspoken rules, but apparently they are just being weird * **goodar** >Do your other friends work for GameStop or something similar? **OOP replied** >>We don't really have GameStop here, but no, they work with us 😅 [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/s/rV43rlzEUC) **May 24, 2023** So me and my work friend I buy games from have decided to confront my other friend about why he finds it weird since he also works with us. In short: he thought I'm buying weed off my friend at work and we mask it as trading games. Long story why he thought it was the case: I got my switch just before Xmas and had 2 weeks off work and wanted some games to play, specifically Pokémon. My work friend mentioned that he has a few spare copies that he was planning to sell to CEX (UK version of GameStop), but he can sell them to me as it would make more sense and I will get them cheaper while he will get more money from them. So I bought a few (specifically let's go evee, sword and shield, and I think some mario ones, my switch came with Violet and Scarlett and my partners came with Pearl and Diamond, so we had those already). Unfortunately that day was also the day my dear mother decided to give me my Xmas presents (a gaming keyboard and a mouse(Roccat slim and corsaire harpoon) as she was planning to go on a trip, and she spilled some of her cream on them, that smells like hemp. As a result not only my bag, but all my work equipment and switch games I got off a friend ended up stinking of it too. And because I was buying a lot of games which my friend thought I have already played as it didn't click I just got the switch, mixed with the strong hemp smell he thought we are dealing, and hence why proper channels comment. My other friend who also thought it is weird have explained that as switch and consoles are not that popular in my home country, people mainly game on PC, where the entire market is digital and it is hard to find physical copies of newer games on pc, unless they have been pirated. They both apologised and found it hilarious at the end and I'm already eyeing to get Tears of the Kingdom from my friend once he is done with it. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **jungletigress** >This is so weird. I still think it's not your friends business if you wanna buy weed from your buddy. Like... This is a completely different context and still wrong, imo. **OOP replied** >>Weed is not exactly legal in the UK and I have heard a fair share of horror stories about dodgy dealers **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Am I being weird buying some games off my work friend/colleague?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/182kpvg/am_i_being_weird_buying_some_games_off_my_work/

183c116

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Thought_Willing **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITAH for divorcing during my husbands mental health crisis** Trigger Warnings: >!mental crisis, infidelity, verbal abuse, emotion abuse and manipulation, gaslighting, emotional neglect, abandonment, financial abuse, harassment, controlling behavior, minimizing, depression!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15tiwmy/aitah_for_divorcing_during_my_husbands_mental/?share_id=qV4k2gusPf3O5k0LYb3XW&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Aug 17, 2023** Me (38F) and husband (38M), married since 2009 and we have a preteen daughter. Last 3 years have been really tough on us because of my husbands bad working conditions that started to effect his mental health. I noticed signs of burn-out and depression and brought up these concerns regularly to him. He was very dismissive and refused to see his situation and refused therapy. He started becoming distant and often isolated himself and was regularly butting heads with our daughter. He eventually told me that he had met a woman at work. Their relationship was not, according to him, physical but he was in love with her and felt that she was his soulmate and best friend. He said he was very sorry and that he could not decide which woman he would ultimately be happiest with. He spoke out about this at home whilst I was having the toughest time of my life. I cried alone over my dreams and plans, everything we had together. He also told me that in order to clear his head, he would need to leave the house and spend some time on his own. THAT co-worker had offered him her spare room and he was going to take it. I asked for his help organizing the rest of the school year as I was commuting and I promised him that as soon as the school year was over, I would look for an apartment closer to my work and me and our daughter will move out and he can have the house to himself for his healing. I found an apartment almost immediately and we moved. He visited us one weekend a month and brought his chaos with him every time. The new home had become a safe haven that we cherished and he "took it over" as soon as he appeared, and it felt like I wasn't breathing until he finally left. After 6 months of living like this, I decided I had given things enough time to mend and they had not, I was still hurt and bitter and he was still cagey about what was going on and what his ultimate decision really was. I told him I was done living like this and that I wanted a divorce. He absolutely lost his shit and left and drove back to our old house in the middle of the night just to get away from me. A week later he told me the co-worker is pregnant and he was angry that I didn't want to even try to fix our marriage. Since then, he has gotten increasingly more hostile and accusatory in his communication with me. He blames me for breaking up the marriage and abandoning him during his crisis. He says he was not himself and has no idea why he did the things he did but that I was the one who left. He claims I was no help when he needed me and that I had clearly mentally abandoned our relationship long before (more than 3 years prior). He tells me I'm cold and calculating and clearly "not the person he thought I was". I understand that he is not well, he finally did go to therapy. I explained a lot of his actions with that in mind at first. So AITA he claims I have become, taking his daughter away and leaving? &nbsp; **AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the comments, OOP was NTA** &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **BigBayesian:** You took your daughter and yourself from an unstable living situation. Sure, maybe it'd have become stable tomorrow - but you gave it a lot of time. His mental health crisis may mean he's out of his mind. But either he's still responsible for his actions, or he's not. If he is - you left him because of his actions. Seems reasonable. If he's not responsible for his actions, then you left him because he's deeply in crisis for an extended period, and you can't continue to live that way, or have your daughter live that way. I'm curious and concerned about your daughter's experience of this. Those are the people my heart goes out to most - your daughter, and your husband's new child. Because everyone else, AH or not, was some form of a volunteer for this. The kids get no choice but all the consequences. But I don't think leaving your husband while he's in crisis is unacceptable, especially given the long duration and terrible experience, for you, of that crisis. NTA >**OP:** Honestly it's our daughter i'm mostly worried about in all this. He clearly has changed a lot, no matter how much his mental health plays into it. Everything we used to be so much of one mind has changed for him. He will not keep his opinions to himself when our daughter visits him and honestly I'm left to pick up the pieces when she comes back and slowly opens up to what his father has been talking during his visit. > >I'm really trying my best not to ever speak ill of him in front of her and i basically keep my family in the dark because I don't want them to have an attitude towards him that could reflect on her. > >He seems to have no such issues as I'm slowly finding out. He chews me up in private conversations, which i can deal with, but he also says stuff like "after your mother kicked me out, i can't help you anymore" and "all I want is to have our family back" to our daughter and I feel that's horribly unfair. He's really wallowing in his misery right now and I have still sympathy for him but he is burdening his daughter and painting me an absolute villain. > >He still hasn't told her about the new baby, and honestly I'm a little at a loss at what to do about it. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15xy3ym/update_divorcing_during_my_husbands_mental_health/) - **Aug 22, 2023** Hello /AITAH, I have been reading all the comments on the original post and tried to answer as many of the questions as I could. The original post can be found through my user page. I wanted to write an update since my post seemed to raise some questions and also to thank you for your engagement on the post, it has meant a lot to me. You have given me good advice, some really good things to think about and some tough love and criticism I surely needed. Thank you so much. The divorce is in process, and I have not seen him in person for some 4 months at this point. He mostly keeps radio silence until it seems he has to unload some hurt on me. I’ve kept my contact to him to a minimum, only ever messaging him in things regarding our daughter or requesting him to react to official paperwork or to his electricity bills that I’ve transferred to him. Due to the circumstances in which we started this separation originally, I paid most of his living expenses, mainly since I have a steady job and get paid double his salary. He is still very much incapacitated by his mental health issues, and I wanted to alleviate some of the practical matters for him. Now that we are pulling everything apart, he has been (maybe purposefully) making this into a very slow and frustrating process. Currently I still pay for his electricity and he reimburses those bills for me at the end of each month, sometimes he needs “encouraging”. Usually this leads to him messaging me all day, usually complaints on how I’m now raising our daughter, now that I have made him obsolete (his words). Telling me to “get a new dad” to help me with the job as soon as possible. He seems to try very hard to push my buttons by saying things like “it must be very hard for you to send your daughter to someone who you loathe and hate so much” and if I make the mistake of losing my temper, even for one curse word, he will turn immediately and tells me to calm down, stop spitting acid and maybe we should continue our discussion when I’m not so wound up. I have mainly chosen to not engage in these conversations if when they start going off the rails. I have all of his outbursts in writing. I’m also currently under the impression that the co-worker is not interested in a relationship with him anymore. And all of those who asked: yes, the baby is his by his own word. He still has not told our daughter about any of it. I have chosen to give him an ultimatum on the matter. I will bring it up one more time when we have our official meeting with our Child Welfare Officer next month (that’s the official route where we live) and if he still refuses I will take it to myself to tell our daughter the truth. So many of you have encouraged me to do this for her sake and for the sake of our relationship and I thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I have also contacted her school therapist and the curator and informed them of the issues she is facing now and the ones still to come. I’m hoping they will offer her some scheduled help since I know she is shy on telling me everything. She is the most important thing in my life and as sorry as I am for her having to go through this essentially because of my choices, I refuse to take all the blame now, and I’m ready to shift it where it belongs. Personally I’m a much happier person these days. I feel bursts of gratefulness and true happiness these days just by watching her eat her dinner and talk to me about her day at the dinner table, in our clean and peaceful home. Even my houseplants are thriving as silly as it sounds :D I have finally opened up about all of this to some of my friends and my siblings and they have all been super supportive. And my siblings were clearly shocked but both did bring up that they are somehow not surprised it all went this way.. They seem to have seen things a bit more clearly from afar just like this community did. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I feel like my daughter and me are going to be just fine in the end. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **tenhinas:** I actually laughed out loud at the part where he told op his AP was pregnant but he can’t believe op doesn’t want to fix the marriage in the same breath. Like… buddy, do you hear yourself? >**OP:** Honestly at that point, I had already made up my mind and when I sat there and listened to his rant, I got the feeling that so much more was to come. When he finally told me about the pregnancy I nearly laughed out loud myself. It was so absurd that it felt like the whole drama had been turned into a farce. Like people would never believe me if I told the whole story. > >And with that reaction I realized that I really was mentally in a better place, one foot out the door and not ever going back, this was not my shit show to deal with anymore. **Separate_Kick3186:** Stop paying the electricity bill. Stop being sympathetic or empathetic with him. Do not engage. You need to do this for yourself, you owe that to yourself. >**OP:** My friends have also told me to just drop the electricity contract from my plan and have him figure it out. Logically I know it takes one call for him to make a new contract. He gives me excuses I know are false but since I also know how passive his mental health issues have made him and how insurmountable small things can become, I find it so difficult to do this and "go back on my word".. there is also the fear how making our currently bad relationship even worse will inevitably reflect on our daughter and getting through all the legalities. I can't wait until it's all done and dusted.. &nbsp; [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17ydwa7/update_divorcing_during_my_husbands_mental_health/) - **Nov 18, 2023** Hello Reddit, It has been months since my original post and update. People were very nice to me and offered me really good advice and lot's of emotional support and needed criticism. I took a lot of it to heart and made good progress for my daughter and myself. I finally separated the rest of our finances, stopped paying his bills and made official agreements on child support and custody which remained shared for now as he went back on his word to give it to me uncontested. He did not agree to sign an official visitation agreement because "he cannot commit to it right now". I offered him every other weekend and half of all holidays. He has started to meet our daughter more often though since nowadays she actually visits him on her own free will. It seems that their relationship has gotten a bit better lately which I'm of course happy about. He has been absolutely terrible towards me though. He started a campaign of passive aggressive texting after I asked him to be civil. Now every message is overly syrupy and filled with overflowing apologies. I ignored this until he decided to talk to me face to face when we went to sign the agreements. He told me his therapist told him to talk to me "for closure" and speak his mind. So he did. He once again just explained to me how hard the last year has been and how I tore the marriage apart. How he was not ready to accept this divorce and never will be. How nothing in his current life is what he wanted or asked for and considers it an insult if I congratulated him over the upcoming baby etc. This felt really off considering he just had moved in with her affair partner. He originally tried to hide this too and was evasive but of course our daughter found out the next time she visited and also told me. I know it is pointless but I felt I needed to say something too so I told him that he completely continues to ignore all my pain and the mental work I had to do over this whole thing and I can't help the fact that my love died in the process. He says I didn't even try. He said even my parent's were more supportive of him, because they had exchanged pleasantries having met briefly a few weeks prior. His co-workers were more supportive than me. I told him to look in the mirror and that his little passive aggressive game was so obvious. Clearly it hit home because he stopped immediately after. He has also been snooping over my "dating life" through our daughter and is very jealous (says so) and get's very verbally aggressive over it. Now the thing that brought me back to you here tonight, is that despite my life having turned so much better in the last few months and me and my daughter have been happier than in a long while, I fell into an unexpected hole today. He was supposed to have her over this weekend but ended up cancelling. The reason he gave me was different than what he gave our daughter so I knew he lied to someone. Yesterday he blew up on me over texts that originally started as a discussion over our daughters visits. He started the same old song of me being so petty over such a minor thing as his "affair" that was apparently not even a real affair at first. He wrote that my parents were right about me being "too sensitive". He knows how low of a blow this is since he has been supporting me through my issues with my parent's invalidating all of my gripes my whole life with "you are too sensitive". I told him how low that was and that he does not get to quantify my pain and he totally lost his marbles to the point where I had to stop reading his messages because I was afraid I would start to cry in the office. This morning our daughter runs to me crying happy tears and jumping of joy. Her father had sent her pictures of the newly born little sister. I congratulated the new official older sister and we gushed over the pictures a little. Throughout the day my mood has just been awful. I've gotten messages from my family asking how I am (because daughter of course told everyone, which is totally ok) but it's starting to weigh on me. I have been tired and easily irritated. All of a sudden I felt like I had no one to talk to. No one who would really understand, someone unbiased. An adult to talk to. Those have been my hardest moments in all of this. I lost my best friend when we fell apart and when ever I feel like I really need to open up and spill my heart, it reminds me of how alone I feel. Is it a normal reaction? I have been fine and very emotionally cut off from him for so long and somehow the birth of this baby sent me into this sudden nosedive today.. I felt like I needed to tell all of this in my lowest point in a long while. So thank you for reading. If I fail at linking my previous posts here, please look into my profile, they are my only posts. Thank you and happy upcoming holiday season everyone! [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15tiwmy/aitah_for_divorcing_during_my_husbands_mental/) and [first update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15xy3ym/update_divorcing_during_my_husbands_mental_health/) &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITAH for divorcing during my husbands mental health crisis

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/183c116/aitah_for_divorcing_during_my_husbands_mental/

183c1ed

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/adamsconner123 **Originally posted to** r/tifu **Editor's Note: added spaces for readability** **TIFU because I told my best friend that my fiancé is pregnant (with twins) and I want to name one of them after him** Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/yzujad/tifu_because_i_told_my_best_friend_that_my_fianc%C3%A9/) - **Nov 19, 2022** First of all, I (23M) and my fiancé (23F) have been together for 4 years. 6 months ago we got engaged but have decided we want to wait a few years to get married. We knew we wanted children but weren’t concerned about when that would happen. About two weeks ago we found out that she’s pregnant with twins. I am so excited and have had such a hard time holding it in. My fiancé only told her parents and very close friends but told me I can only tell my parents and siblings. I don’t think that’s really fair but I love her and just said ok. Today I hung out with my best friend of 10 years and I couldn’t help but tell him about us having twins. I knew my fiancé would freak if she found out so I was so nervous to tell him. Since I have had him by my side for so long I have always known that I wanted a child named after him. When I went home I came clean with my fiancé and told her what I had said. She got so furious I thought she was about to kick me out and become a single mom. When I mentioned wanting to name one of the twins after my friend she said I had to stay in the guest room tonight. Just now as I was about to write this she came into the room and told me that my friend already knew because they’re his brother’s kids. So now I don’t know what to do, my fiancé cheated on me with my best friend’s brother?? I am so pissed and just shocked. Now I know why she didn’t want me telling my friend, because he knew that she had cheated on me with his brother before and that as soon as he found out she is pregnant that he would get suspicious. And she’s always been nice to my friend but always was a little off around him. I guess that’s so he wouldn’t tell me the truth about her and his brother. I was really excited about having kids. She won’t stop crying and begging me to stay and telling me how sorry she is. I don’t know what to do, does anyone have suggestions? TL;DR My fiancé cheated on me with my best friend’s brother and is now pregnant with twins. She’s begging me to stay and that she is sorry. What do I do next? &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/17yjtk4/tifu_update_one_year_later/) - **Nov 18, 2023** I understand now that I did not f up, but I wanted to post under the same subreddit since I posted in this one originally and I don’t really understand Reddit so I’m trying my best. It’s been a year. After staying a few nights at a friend’s house, I went and stole my ex-fiancés ring. It was worth a good amount so I was able to leave. When she had the babies we got a paternity test. I am not the father. A bit bitter sweet to be honest. I still, after all this time, can’t decide how I feel about the fact that she named one after me. But you know, life moves on. I live in a new state now, have a stable job, and a girlfriend I’m getting pretty serious with. I’m making new friends and even tho this has all been pretty rough, I’m making it through. There have been rough patches but dedication to my work has helped. Sorry it’s been so long, I meant to update way earlier. But, now that I’ve remembered, I decided to let everyone that I am indeed ok. Thank you all for caring. Hopefully I will not have to update anymore. My ex-fiancé is now with my ex-best friend. The anger has passed at this point and I’ve calmed down. To end on a good note, my girlfriend and I just adopted a dog and things look pretty hopeful for the future. Thank you once again for the support! TL;DR Update from my last post, one year later. I have recovered (for the most part), and living a much happier life. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **rarkis:** Hold on, she is with the ex-best friend? I feel like I missed something. Who was the father after all? >**OP:** The guy she cheated on me with. Ex-best friend’s brother. When I heard who she was with now I was confused too &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

TIFU because I told my best friend that my fiancé is pregnant (with twins) and I want to name one of them after him

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/183c1ed/tifu_because_i_told_my_best_friend_that_my_fiancé/

183c1sv

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/ThrowRA_deadbrain **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Is my (f23) boyfriend (f26) taking advantage of me?** Trigger Warnings: >!financial abuse, talks of depression, emotional neglect!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17oef0q/is_my_f23_boyfriend_f26_taking_advantage_of_me/?share_id=0BL0KxNJBAwIEDyacmClX&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 5, 2023** Throw Away Account. Is my (f23) boyfriend (f26) taking financial advantage of me? We met beginning of 2023, and at the time we both worked. Soon after I quit my job because of burn out and he supported me until finding the next one. Due to the political and economical troubles of our country, we moved to a new country mid 2023. I secured a job and a pet friendly house for us, and our two pets. His dog (2f) and my cat (5months f). Its been a couple months, and every job opportunity he was offered he has turned down. I asked him why, because we are living on rice and plain pasta with me covering rent and everything else. He said he never wants to work corporate again and will do live music for income. I supported him with equipment and everything, helping him branch out etc. Nothing has been moving along. We have no savings on the side and the worst part he never helps around the house. Just sits around all day. He will cook when he feels like it or I have to do it. Usually he feels like it at night. He won't clean a thing. He is late with talking the dog on a walk everyday resulting in accidents. Etc. Its come to me hiring a cleaning lady because I'm so tired and stressed coming home. We now have nothing to buy even bread. We get flour and make it (when he feels like it). I asked him if he is depressed and he claimed maybe a little, so I told him to look into professional help, to find a psychologist he likes to address the issue and ill work overtime. He did nothing about the situation. I'm at the end of my rope here. We don't know eachother long enough for me to have known this was how he acts. If it wasn't for the difficulties we faced at our origin country, we would have not moved so soon or at all. Take into account it was easier to move out together then separated. The costs would of been larger. We promised eachother to help wherever we can and stay a team. But right now I feel like I've been taken advantage of, by a man claiming he loves me for than anything and wants a family with me. TLDR: my boyfriend loves me but won't help around the house or get a job, leaving me with dealing with everything in a new country alone. So.. Is he taking advantage of me? Should I stick it out? How do I move on with nothing? &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Username_1379:** He absolutely took advantage of you. I don’t think he’ll change. Can you lean on your family or friends back home for support to leave him and move back and start fresh? >**OP:** Moving back isn't an option.. my family and friends have also left for different countries. My original home is on the brink of war.. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17yfj3l/update_is_my_f23_boyfriend_m26_taking_advantage/?share_id=q1Wy0aede9-nG98QjsEG6&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 18, 2023** So thank you to everyone who gave me ideas on the original post. I sat him down and talked to him, this time with the difference that I was absolute he needs to help or we split. Either he gets a job and helps financially or I would be breaking the lease and finding something cheaper for me and my cat only. He would be able to remain in the original home that is dog friendly but the legal consequences would be all his if rent is missed as i would no longer be involved. Something that played part in all this is that on a walk with the dog (he took her out) she ate something she shouldn't have and got an allergic reaction. He immediately told me he is taking her to a vet and I told him we have no money to pay. He answered he will owe the vet and left. No vet accepted him into their office but one was kind enough to offer a short term solution as I assume she felt for the dog and its not the animals fault we don't have money. For now it has worked, I'm not sure exactly what she recommended as I was not there. But it also woke up my boyfriend to our situation. He is now determined to help her get the proper medicine and started applying for every job he could find over night. I dont know how to feel about this. He would let me suffer, I person he claims he loves. But would react immediately for his animal. Don't get me wrong, if anything happened to my cat I would react the same, I just believed I meant more to him. Safe to say, that scared him quite a bit. He has since gotten multiple interviews and is waiting for the first opportunity to sign and start a job. I sat and though of my situation, deciding I want to part ways. He agreed (I feel like he is keeping a grudge that I had no money for the dog). I am currently looking for a cat friendly apartment in my budget which isn't hard, and he will be keeping the original apartment with his dog. I am open to roommates and it should not take too long. He can't kick me out as I am still on the lease until I decide otherwise. I do want to leave fast as he could change his mind. Thank you everyone for your recommendations again. I will not be posting another update. All the best. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **NextWelder4653:** This was the best decision for you, OP. It's not your job to build him up. >**OP:** At some point.. caring for my family (or what I though was my family) got blurred with building him up.. > >To severe those strong feelings is very hard. I will always hope he is ok. Even if it hasn't worked out doesn't mean I forget him. > >I do hope he stands on his own to feet and the dog is also taken care off. Even if I have chosen to not be apart of it anymore. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

Is my (f23) boyfriend (f26) taking advantage of me?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/183c1sv/is_my_f23_boyfriend_f26_taking_advantage_of_me/

183c20y

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/DearCaterpillar4793 **The guy I’ve been seeing told me he’s a virgin. Should I take his virginity?** **Originally posted to** r/sex & r/self [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/s/gGYywmin9r)  **Nov 4, 2023** I’m F23, he’s M25 So I’ve been on a few dates with this guy who told me a couple of days ago that he’s a virgin and that he’s never had a girlfriend before. The topic came up and when I asked he answered honestly that before now he’s never dated or had sex because he was shy and overweight. I’m the first girl he’s dated since he lost the weight. I was pretty overwhelmed when he told but after a few days I think I’ve calmed down after the initial surprise. We talked and he told me he was really nervous to tell me and hoped that it didn’t change anything between us. I told him it didn’t but to be honest I am still pretty nervous to have sex with him. I’d be his first girlfriend and his first sexual partner, that feels like so much pressure. I’m worried that he’s been building it up for so long that no matter how it goes it won’t live up to his expectations. I’m also worried about being a teacher. I’ve never been in that position before and I’m afraid it will be super awkward if he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Third, I’m worried about him becoming clingy. Being someone’s first sexual partner feels like a really big deal and I don’t know if I want that pressure. He’s been very sweet when we’ve gone out and I could see myself in a relationship with him but the whole thing still just makes me really nervous. Any thoughts or advice? [Update- Guy came from making out and got pretty embarrassed. How do I reassure him it’s not a big deal?](Update on virgin guy I’ve been seeing)](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/s/GhM0UUkjMQ)  **Nov 5, 2023** This is an update to [the post I made yesterday](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/s/oD6IrUjTfZ) about the 25yo guy I’ve been seeing who told me he’s a virgin. First of all, thank you everyone who commented on my post yesterday. Everyone made me feel a lot better about the whole situation. Honestly, I don’t know why I was freaking out so much. I think I was just intimidated because I’ve never been the one with more experience compared to my partners and it makes me nervous to think about being the one to initiate sex. We talked last night and I told him how I was feeling and he was very understanding. He said he expected whoever he dated to be a little apprehensive about his inexperience but that whenever it happens or however it goes that he won’t be disappointed. That really took the pressure off. We agreed to take it really slow while we still got to know each other. He said he wanted to be in a relationship with someone before losing his virginity to them, which I thought was really sweet. We’re going to go out a few more times but I imagine we’ll be official pretty soon :) Anyways, so while we didn’t have sex or anything last night we did have a pretty heavy make out session. We’ve kissed before (which he admitted was his first kiss), but haven’t made out or or anything. So after a while of making out I got on top of him and started to grind on him. Pretty quickly after I started that, he softly moaned and shook a little. I asked if he was okay and he said it was nothing, trying to hide that he came in his pants. I asked if he came and he said he was sorry. I could tell he was pretty embarrassed and tried to tell him it was okay. We stopped so he could go clean up and finished up the movie we were watching, kissing a little bit throughout the movie. He was pretty quiet the rest of the night before he left even though I kept saying it wasn’t a big deal. I expected him to cum pretty easily since he’s literally never done this before, but I could tell he was pretty self-conscious about it. I’m seeing him again either tonight or tomorrow. Is there anything else I can say to make him feel better? It’s honestly not a big deal, and I need him to understand that. Any advice? Thanks :) [Update on 25yo virgin guy I’ve been seeing. I’m now his girlfriend…and he’s no longer a virgin!](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/uaxK7fLERi)  **Nov 18, 2023** r/sex took this down and wasn’t really sure where else to post it Hello everyone :) First of all, thanks to everyone for all their kind words and advice on my last two posts. Navigating this situation was easier with your help, so thanks! In my last post, I got a lot of great advice about how to deal with the situation when he came in his pants from making out and got super embarrassed. We talked the next day and he told me he was really embarrassed but appreciated how sensitive I was about it. I told him again how it wasn’t a big deal and that it was actually pretty cute and flattering. Because it was! To all the guys reading this, please don’t be embarrassed if it happens! It’s hot! Anyways, we made out a few more times that day and he said he was a lot more comfortable than the night before. I said I felt really comfortable with him too :) We still took it slow after that. Nothing advanced past making out for about a week and a half. We just kept going on dates, getting to know each other. We have been going out almost every other day if not hanging out every day. It’s crazy because we’re not even close to needing a break from each other. We just want to spend all of our free time together. Neither of us are in school and both work normal 9-5 office jobs, so we’re really not busy at all right now. So we’ve just been spending a lot of time at either his place or mine together. We’ve even been running errands together, it’s really cute :) So he made it clear pretty soon after he told me he’s a virgin that he wanted to wait until we were official to have sex. He wanted his first time to be with a girlfriend, someone special. I thought that was really sweet and of course agreed. So the other night we were talking and he asked me to be his girlfriend :) I was so happy, I couldn’t stop smiling. We cuddled all night that night. A couple nights later, he said that now that we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend, he wanted to take it to the next level. I had been expecting to be the one to bring it up first due to his inexperience, but he said he was comfortable enough to make the first move and initiate. I was more than happy to finally be intimate with him. I won’t give any details, but it was very special. We both had a lot of fun, despite the nervousness and awkward moments that come from your first sexual interactions with a new partner. Or your first sexual interactions ever ;) I told him how honored I was to be his first, and he told me he couldn’t have asked for a better experience. Guys out there that are reading this, please listen. If you’re inexperienced and you feel hopeless, please don’t give up. My bf has explained to me how lonely he felt all those years of being single and the toll it took on him, I understand how you are feeling. I promise you, there is someone out there for you. There’s someone out there who will be so happy to be your first. You will find them, trust me. Just don’t give up hope, I’m so happy my boyfriend didn’t. You got this :) **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

The guy I’ve been seeing told me he’s a virgin. Should I take his virginity?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/183c20y/the_guy_ive_been_seeing_told_me_hes_a_virgin/

183c2w9

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ViciousEnvynette](https://www.reddit.com/user/ViciousEnvynette/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!growth!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17wfc4s/aita_for_telling_my_friend_her_tattoo_is_stupid/)**: November 15, 2023** Throwaway. I(25f) have this friend, we'll call her Alice (28F), who is pretty inked out with tattoos. I've never seen much point in tattoos but to each their own. Alice is a huge gamer and, for some backstory, she's had a pretty rough life. Lately she's been playing some game, I don't know the name, but a character has gone through some of the same stuff she has and she decided to get a tattoo for symbolism. I get tattoos are suppose to tell a story but I told her that getting the tattoo was "f\*\*king stupid" because why would you want your bad experiences tattooed on your body? No one proudly shows off scars so why draw that attention to your body? She told me that I was being an asshole and that I was shaming people who went through hard times, but honestly I don't see it as anything to be proud of. We argued back and forth with her eventually saying I have no right to tell people what they can do with their bodies. I don't care what people do, I just think you shouldn't draw that kind of attention to your body. It's a bad look in my opinion. Some people agree with me, but others are calling me an AH. So AITA? Edit: forgot to add, it's some kind of mark the character has and she got the design, I think it's stupid because it's like she's branded herself now. ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP's opinions:* "It's the equivalent of slave branding yourself tbh" *It's her body and it obviously means something to her:* "Yeah but why remind yourself of a tragic event and practically brand yourself with it?" **Editor's note:** based on comments, apparently it's from Baldur's Gate and is Astarion's tattoo. ***OOP is voted YTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17yg7j8/update_aita_for_telling_my_friend_her_tattoo_is/)**: November 18, 2023 (3 days later)** For the past couple days I've been doing some thinking and deep reflecting. It might take some time to really open my mind up a bit, but I see now that I was actually really awful to someone who is suppose to be my friend. Alice is a really kind, sweet and strong person after everything she's been through, I took her horrible experiences and minimised them in a disgusting way and I don't know why I feel the way I do about tattoos, maybe it's consuming way too much social media where people pretty much do anything for attention, but for some reason I reacted so strongly and I think I need to explore that. Maybe it'll help to talk to a professional. Seeing comments of people agreeing with me and expressing their disgust with tattoos made me realise that in 25 years or so, I DON'T want to be that kind of person, because I feel like I'll be alone for the rest of my life if I continue thinking the way I do. Its not so much pressure or fear of being alone, but worry more about what kind of person I'll become if I continue to insult the people I care about and who care about me and have done nothing but be there for me. I'm going to apologise to Alice and maybe ask if I can go with her if she ever gets another tattoo, just so I can understand the process and get to know the people in the industry. I'm also going to ask if I can play the game she got the tattoo from with her too if she forgives me. I completely deserved my verdict because I acted unfairly, and thanks to people in DMs that were patient and calm while I was completely awful. I can't guarantee an overnight change, but I'm willing to try to open my mind a bit better and give back to my friend what she's given me in the years we've known each other. I'm going to try to do better. Thank you. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Commenting on tattoos as remembrance, and some scars are invisible:* "Maybe I have been looking at things wrong. I guess just because even if something isn't there physically, that doesn't mean it's not there any other way." ***On OOP's first post after the update:*** *OOP reflects on someone who says it's a 'look at me' play, like shaving your head for someone with cancer:* "I thought it was a "look at me" too, but I think it goes deeper than that. It's funny you make that comparison, because now that I think about... Alice shaved her head when a friend of ours ended up with cancer, and I didn't have the same feeling as I did when she got a tattoo. So I don't know, maybe I have certain feelings about tattoos? The only reason I can think of people getting that certain tattoo is maybe because there are a lot of survivors in the world. Still, I shouldn't have shit on my friend for her choices or what she does with her body."

AITA for telling my friend her tattoo is stupid?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/183c2w9/aita_for_telling_my_friend_her_tattoo_is_stupid/

183c33i

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/dnims24 **WIBTA if I temporarily move into our guest room?** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Mentions of antimedical treatment!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/hNaBlsifVY)  **Oct 6, 2023** Hi Morgan (if you see this)! Sorry for the length in advance. Will I be the A-Hole if I temporarily move into the guest bedroom? So my (33F) boyfriend (33M, Jeff) has sleep apnea and it's really starting to affect my mental health. We've been living together for about two years now and his snoring has recently gotten more aggressive and loud. Sometimes he stops breathing which freaks me out, or he'll suddenly catch his breath very loudly. He's tried laying on his back and his side, and he even elevates his head most nights (sometimes he slips down because we need to get new pillows). The past couple of weeks, I've been begging him to call this sleep center that he got a referral to. He finally tried to call the other day and they didn't answer. Yesterday he got ahold of someone and they set an appointment for him, but it's not until late December (this is being posted in October). This week I've been getting woken up every night and I usually end up moving to the couch to go back to bed, but our dogs are light sleepers so I usually end up having to take them outside before I can go back to sleep. In all I feel like it's really messing with me. Every morning I wake up exhausted because of the broken sleep from his snoring, and sometimes I can still hear his snoring from the couch. I'm not currently working so I'm in charge of keeping the house tidy, but I have no energy. I mentioned to him the other day that we might need to get another bed in the guest room (there's currently no furniture in there) for me to sleep in instead until this gets resolved. I'm just not sure if I can handle having such awful sleep every night until December. Some other details that might not be important: * The couch we have right now sucks. It's not very comfortable and it's a recliner so when I sleep on it I'm a little crooked. We've had our eye on this other couch that's kind of pricey but we both loved. He brought up just biting the bullet and finally buying it so that I can have a more comfortable spot to go back to bed when I get up. (I didn't take this the wrong way, I thought it was sweet of him.) I don't know how I feel about it. On the one hand, we really want the couch, but at the same time I want to sleep in an actual bed. * His dad has sleep apnea as well, but I don't think he was ever tested for it. I'm worried that if we have kids they might get it as well. Is it genetic? * After doing some research this morning, I'm strongly for the CPAP machines, or anything that can help him breathe. His mother is against them, saying they have bad side effects but she won't go into the details about it. * He works nights, so he usually doesn't go to bed until anywhere between 1AM and 4AM. You would think that I'd be in a dead-sleep by then, but his snoring is so loud it still wakes me up every night. TL;DR: Boyfriend snores every night so I'm thinking about getting a separate bed [Update: WIBTA if I move into the guest room](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/ulfQGUYAs4)  **Nov 18, 2023** Hey everyone! A couple of weeks ago I made a post here asking if I'd be the AH for moving into a separate room from my partner because of how loud he snores. I have a small update, and there will be another in December or January. Here's my original post if you want to go back and read it/see the comments: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/171ilde/wibta\_if\_i\_temporarily\_move\_into\_our\_guest\_room/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/171ilde/wibta_if_i_temporarily_move_into_our_guest_room/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) We ended up getting the couch we wanted, and this past week we bought a new mattress. Our old one was very old and not very comfortable or soft to lay on. Our new one is a Sealy mattress that has the elevation in the head and feet areas. The first night was super rough because we only elevated the head area and he slid down (as I figured he would). Last night we elevated both areas, but it was still a rough night for me. At this point I don't think elevating will work for him anymore. He has a sleep apnea test on December 19. We were going to wait and see how he did with the new mattress to decide whether we should keep the appointment, and now I know we definitely need to keep it. It's only a month away now, and I can't wait. I was really hoping the mattress would help, but it hasn't at all, which is really surprising to me. As for our couch, I adore it and it's very comfortable when I move to it in the middle of the night after being woken up by his snoring. The main reason we got it was so that we could sit together with all three of our dogs because it's so much bigger, but also for comfort because our previous couch was essentially two recliners put together with a cup holder in the middle. I'm really hoping that his appointment goes well in December, but I'm not sure what to expect. I'll be calling them this upcoming week for information, since I won't be working at my office due to the holiday break. Has anyone else ever done a sleep apnea study? I'd love to hear any advice for what to expect from it. At this point I think he needs a CPAP machine or something because I'm going to continue to worry about him. It's gotten to a point where if he's not snoring I have to check on him and make sure he's still breathing. Even though I know his snoring is really bad, right now it at least tells me he's alive and breathing even when I'm on the couch. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

WIBTA if I temporarily move into our guest room?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/183c33i/wibta_if_i_temporarily_move_into_our_guest_room/

183c3k9

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Latetothisshindig **Chance to buy childhood teacher’s violin** **Originally posted to** r/violinist **MOOD SPOILER:** >!All of the oinions, all of them!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/violinist/s/gzTuDw7SFK) **Oct 29, 2023** My violin teacher from ages 8 to 18 passed away in February. My teacher’s husband is still very involved with groups and organizations my teacher played in and supported. He actually sponsored my symphony chair for our last concert in her honor. We also got breakfast after she passed to share memories and catch up. At breakfast, he mentioned that he didn’t know what to do with her instrument and was very overwhelmed. She had Alzheimer’s and hadn’t actually touched the instrument in about 2 years. I told him I’d be happy to inspect it and make sure there are no issues so he could have some reassurance, but we didn’t make specific plans. On a whim, I contacted my teacher’s husband recently and asked if he’d consider allowing me to use her instrument for an upcoming symphony concert. He still attends all of them even after her passing. He said yes! So I went to check the violin out, assuming I’d find a collapsed bridge, strings out and maybe even broken, you know, the usual things you find after not tending to an instrument for an extended period of time. But I kid you not, I opened the case to find it STILL IN TUNE. I had to adjust the bridge minimally, and that was it. I was shocked. I started playing for my teacher’s husband (and my own husband, who came with me), and it was a very emotional moment for all of us. It’s been years since my teacher’s husband heard any music in the house. My teacher was very special to me and she saw me through some of the worst and best years of my life.. troubles in middle school, being crazy busy in high school, working hard and preparing for college auditions later on. And the violin, my goodness.. Let me tell you, this instrument is magic. It not only has an incredibly sentimental association, it is beyond any instrument I’ve ever played in terms of ease and projection and quality. My current instrument is nothing to sneeze at and I love it a lot, to be clear. But this one is just… something. That said, my teacher’s husband mentioned when we got breakfast a while back that the violin is worth about $150k based on the insurance policy, but he isn’t sure whether that’s changed since the last evaluation/appraisal. It’s a J.B. Vuillame, the same maker of Ysaye’s violin. After playing the instrument, I said that I would love to buy it, but definitely can’t afford to. My teacher’s husband said “well we could work something out.” To myself, I was thinking dude, you’re overestimating my earning capacity and wealth LOL. He’s very kind and would give me more than a fair deal, but 150k is a LOT of money. So now, I’m racking my brain for any way I might be able to afford this instrument. I have only been able to come up with a proposal to rent. What do you all think of this idea? Am I being unrealistic? Should I just let it go? Sigh… [2 pics of OOP holding the front and back of the violin](https://imgur.com/a/WSvFygL) **ADDITIONAL INFO IN THE COMMENTS** [Comment here](https://www.reddit.com/r/violinist/s/Ukzt9j1FMR) **Same day** Comment with some additional info! - I believe my teacher owned the instrument since before she married her husband, meaning she would have purchased it prior to the 1990s. - I have no idea when the last appraisal was done or what the insurance coverage is based on. This would be more info to get from her husband. Her husband is not a musician and is not super familiar with any of this more insider-knowledge. He would likely know if there’s any papers for the instrument though. The 150k price could be very outdated because she had owned the violin for so long. - My teacher’s husband is decently well off. My husband and I are both high earners, but opted for professional degrees that also left us with massive amounts of student debt. We’re currently working on paying off other sources of debt and doing a pretty good job. We aren’t yet at the point where we have $1k extra a month to put towards this. - There are also three bows in the case. One is a modern workshop bow, while the other two are definitely very high quality antiques. I can’t make out the name near the frog of one of them and the other doesn’t have a name that I can see. Both are gorgeous, but one has some slight damage on the eye of the frog (not that that’s a huge deal). - My teacher’s son is not a violinist but is a professional musician. He has mentioned possibly wanting the violin, and I 100% respect that. It is his if he wants it, and this comes before there will be any consideration of selling it to me. - As far as I can tell, it’s got the marks found on authentic Villaumes. The number in the inside center back is 2174, and the address on the inside label is Rue Croix de Petits Champs. Those would line up with the numbering system used at the time this was the address of his workshop. I haven’t been able to see if there’s also a signature in the upper part of the inside, but I can see there’s something written in the center, between the shoulders. The label is roughly the same color as the wood around it. As one person mentioned, it’s also possible that this is an excellent instrument, still worth a great amount, that was made in the same area around the same time and is just using a fake label. That’s ok with me but it would be something to investigate. Just wanted to provide some additional info based on some of the feedback here. Thanks for all your comments! [Update - teacher’s violin](https://www.reddit.com/r/violinist/s/3AB1STVlhK) **Nov 18, 2023** Here’s an update to my previous post about my teacher’s violin - https://www.reddit.com/r/violinist/s/Xw50nXtA6R So it’s continued to just be outstanding to play. It’s gorgeous. I love it so much. It blows my instrument (which is very nice) out of the water. I had my symphony concert last weekend, and the coolest thing about the timing was that my teacher’s son happened to be subbing in the symphony for this specific concert. He told me at one rehearsal that looking over at my section and seeing the instrument being played just gave him a feeling that she was still here with us. Several members of the symphony who were close to her were also very touched by the gesture. My teacher’s son confirmed that it’s a genuine Vuillaume and gave me more of the backstory on the instrument. I got to ask him which of the three bows in the case was her favorite, and made sure to use it for the concert. In later conversations with my teacher’s son and husband, I mentioned how grateful I was for their generosity, but also made it known that it’s their instrument first. I told them I can’t afford to buy it, but would rent it in a heartbeat if they’d agree to it. Her husband told me not to worry about that right now. At my dress rehearsal, my teacher’s son said he spoke to his dad, and they were wondering if I wanted to hang onto the violin awhile longer. He said my teacher was so proud of me, and this is what she would have wanted. They agreed it was better for the violin to be with me than to be sitting unplayed in a closet. I didn’t even know how to react, I was so grateful and amazed and shocked. I said I would love to. So for now, I have the absolute privilege of playing this beautiful instrument, and they don’t want anything from me in return except for to play it and use it for my symphony concerts. Husband and son know they can call it back at any time, though husband again assured me that we could work something out if I wanted to buy it. I’m on cloud nine. Even if I don’t end up being able to afford it or her son wants it back at some point, I’m still so grateful. I’m just enjoying it the most I possibly can while it’s in my care. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Mfanimegoddess** >150k?! I’d be scared to even touch that 😭 **OOP replied** >>I think she let me touch it once in the whole time I had her as a teacher LOL **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Chance to buy childhood teacher’s violin

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/183c3k9/chance_to_buy_childhood_teachers_violin/

183iqkb

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/rkg990 in r/offmychest\*\* Original BORU: [Original BORU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ly46j/my_mom_neglected_me_and_ditched_me_for_her_new/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) trigger warnings: >!child neglect and emotional abuse!< mood spoilers: >!positive for OOP!< \--- \[\*\*My Mom neglected me and ditched me for her new family so I decided to ditch her as well\*\*\]([My Mom neglected me and ditched me for her new family so I decided to ditch her as well](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1495qfu/my_mom_neglected_me_and_ditched_me_for_her_new/) ) - June 14, 2023 Little Background of myself i m19) was born: when My mom was 17 and my dad was 19. My dad has been in prison the majority of my life for nonviolent drug charges. My mom got married when I was 10 to my stepdad, just to clarify my mom and dad were never married they dated each-other and eventually hooked up and had me. My problems with my mom started when she got pregnant with my sister and then after she had my sister she got pregnant again and had my brother, and I became like a ghost she hardly paid attention to me. She neglected me emotionally, and I felt like I was unwanted in her life. I didn't matter anymore. As I grew up, I continued to try to get her to talk to me, but she was always busy. With my brother and sister, every family activity they did together, she always excluded me. It was always my stepdad and mom and my siblings except for me. Like I wasn't part of the family. This is how I came to my conclusion that my mom hates me or she dislikes me. As I mentioned before, I have two younger siblings aged 4 and 9. One day, my mom comes into my room; she's all dressed up and racing around, and I ask if she's going somewhere. She tells me no, and I go back to playing on my computer. No later than 15 minutes, I hear the garage door go up, so I race downstairs thinking, "What the heck?" Sure enough, my mom, stepdad, and my sister and brother are all dressed up and in the truck, and I'm standing outside, feeling really uncomfortable. The look she gave me as she jumped into the truck made me feel like I was interrupting her. There wasn't any "oh yeah sorry," it was just a look of absolute disgust. I don't cry very easily, but something about the whole thing really got to me, and I went back inside and cried a bit but then got over it. Wasn't the first time. She texts me 10 minutes later telling me they're just going to the park. I don't respond because I would've just worked myself up again. Fast forward, they get home, I was eating dinner, and my nine-year-old sister rushes in after my mom super excited to tell me about everything they had done. They hadn't gone to the park. My mom had lied to me, saying they went to the park when they'd actually gone to Dave N Busters, they also went to get milkshakes, and went shopping. I was visibly crushed by it, and my little sister noticed I had gotten upset. I could tell my mom was about to start making excuses and making the circumstances my fault so to keep my little sister and brother from seeing that I excused myself to my room quietly. It super sucks. I've been trying so hard to be a good son despite the selfishness of my mother and her chaotically selfish ways have on me, but once I realized that shit isn't normal, I started questioning our relationship. That we once had I didn't see any safe way out without ending up on the streets broke (19 years old unemployed btw) so I joined the Army. It was spur of the moment, and she still doesn't know. I can handle it and it's the first decision I've actually made on my own. I cannot tell you how excited I am for BCT soon. Sorry everyone I just wanted to get this off my chest and share my story. Edit: I would like people to know that I don't hate my brother and sister, I Like my brother and sister they also like me I have good memories of spending time with them. At this point they're the only thing that i consider family and I hope they understand why I moved away I hope that when I come back from the army they will still see me as their big brother. I would also like people to know that my grandparents from my mom's side of the family passed away already and my grandparents from my bio dad side of the family also passed away my grandmother passed away 2 years after I was born And my grandfather passed away when my dad was 15 years old. My bio dad is the only child they had, My mom only has one sister and she's married with three kids her kids are around the same age as me. And she and her husband live paycheck to paycheck and I don't want to be a burden to them that's why I never went to live with them. I'll keep you guys updated for now that's all. I have seen some of the comments below thank you everyone for the love and support. Again thank you all 🙏 \[\*\*Hello everyone quick update\*\*\]([Hello everyone quick update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14c9p3z/hello_everyone_quick_update/) ) - June 18, 2023 Not much has happened i been busy moving my stuff out. You guys, told me not to say anything to her about me living but I find that really hard to do because my sister is outspoken. Everything she hears and sees she tells, so i decided to tell my sister I'll be living for a job, that I was offered I am going to tell my mom the same-thing if she asks. If you guys have any better suggestions or ideas on how to deal with these situation, am all ears. My mom didn't see me moving my stuff out but she did notice some of my things missing and asked about them, I told her I sold some of my things to make some quick cash. I just got a little bit left to move out and I'll be done moving my things. Just in case y'all were wondering Where i left my stuff i asked a friend if I can leave my stuff at her house she said yes. Some of you are probably wondering when am leaving for the army. It's on the 23 this Friday, some of you also ask why the army and not the navy or marines or air force. My friend who let me leave my things at her house has a Grandpa. who was in the army and he convinced me to join the army. But if things don't work out for myself in the army I am going to join the navy or air force or marines. Thanks everyone I'll keep you guys updated if \[\*\*Hey guys back again with another update.\*\*\]([Hey guys back again with another update.](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14dsxz3/hey_guys_back_again_with_another_update/) ) - June 20, 2023 Today my bio dad called me and said that he got out of prison 2-weeks ago, he's living in his parents house. My grandparents when they passed away they left their house to my dad. So i went to see him We had a good, conversation he apologized for not being there for me, i told him if he's truly sorry for not being there for me. He should make up for it by being there for me now, he told me he was going to try his best to be there for me and that he got a job in construction. I told him I was going to the army And he broke down in tears and told me he was proud of me i couldn't help it and cry as well it was a very emotional moment. I told him because he hasn't been there all my life I'm not going to call him dad just because he's my bio dad. I'm going to call him by his name if he wants me to call him dad he has to earn it he told me, that is fine. I plan on going back tomorrow and be there for a while with him of course it's going to be after he gets out of work. \[\*\*This is my last post for a while\*\*\]([This is my last post for a while](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14hb2au/this_is_my_last_post_for_a_while/) ) - June 24, 2023 Hello everyone 🤗, this is going to be my last post for a while. I am already ready to go; I am here in my biological father's house. My mom doesn't know I am leaving for the army; the only thing she knows is that I moved out of her house and am staying with my biological father. I left a note telling her everything about how she has treated me, except for the fact that I am going to the army. I am going to call an Uber to take me to the station where I am going to get picked up by a bus and then take me to the army. My bio dad is paying for the Uber in case y'all are wondering. Also, I would like people to know that I forgave my bio dad for not being there for me, but I also told him that just because I forgave him doesn't mean I'm going to call him dad; he has to earn it. So I started calling him by his first name, Matthew. Yes, that's his real name. I could see it in his eyes when I called him by his first name that he was hurt by it, but he accepted the fact that he wasn't there for me growing up. And these are the consequences, but I also told him I'd give him an opportunity to redeem himself. Let's see if he really is sorry and regrets not being there for me. I don't know if my mom has read the letter because I'm not there to see her reaction. I did talk to my sister who's 10 years old about me moving out because I got a job she was sad but she said are you going to come and visit us I told her yes when I have the time she was 9 before but she's now 10 this past weekend it was her birthday. My little brother is still too young to understand things so I didn't tell him anything he's only 4 after all. That's all for now thank you guys for everything. Thanks 🙏 for listening to my pathetic life. I'll make sure to keep you guys updated if I have the time to post. &#x200B; &#x200B; \*\*NEW UPDATE STARTS HERE\*\* &#x200B; \[\*\*A couple months ago I posted here about going to the army because I felt unwanted in my moms life, here's the update\*\*\]([A couple months ago I posted here about going to the army because I felt unwanted in my moms life, here's the update.](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16qim6z/a_couple_months_ago_i_posted_here_about_going_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ) - Sep 24, 2023 Hello everyone, it's been a while since I posted, sorry for not updating you guys sooner. Well, I did go to the army, everything worked out good. But I will say those 10 weeks were brutal, it was hell. I couldn't even smile because the drill sergeant would get in my face 😂. Anyway, back to the update, I gave my previous phone to my bio dad to give to my bio mom so she can cancel the phone service. I decided to get a new phone whenever I get the time to buy a new one. I am doing good, I haven't heard anything from my bio mom. So, is it safe to assume she doesn't care at all? Oh well. I did make new friends here, as some of you told me. It's been good. I also got my own place and I have a date tomorrow. She's someone I met in the park the other day. She's a freshman in college trying to get her degree in teaching. Nothing serious right now, we're just going out as friends, trying to get to know each other. I'm also seeing a therapist, it has helped a lot. Anyway, that's about it for now. I'll update you guys if anything else happens. Edit: I forgot to mention, my friend and her grandpa were at my graduation so I wasn't completely alone. I know some of you asked for my address and what state I live in and expressed the desire to come cheer for me, but I didn't really feel comfortable giving you guys my location. Not because you guys are strangers, which you are, but because you guys already have your own personal life to live. I didn't want to bother you guys with anything else anymore. You guys have been a big help just by showing love and support and giving me confidence.

[**New Update**] My Mom neglected me and ditched me for her new family so I decided to ditch her as well.

NEW UPDATE

Appropriate-Wafer849

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/183iqkb/new_update_my_mom_neglected_me_and_ditched_me_for/

183mlx6

*I am NOT OP, this is a repost. Original post by /u/BannedSmahs from /r/legaladvice posted 6 years ago* [Original BORU post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/t5kile/op_gets_banned_from_smash_bros/) by u/too_late_to_party - March 3rd, 2022 [\[MA\] BANNED FROM SMASH BROS](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3wm45e/ma_banned_from_smash_bros/) - December 13, 2015 *Edited paragraphs for less wall-of-text* I was BANNED from my local super smash bros melee scene. They use the local community college to host this and TOLD ME BY EMAIL IF I CAME THERE THEY WOULD NOT ALLOW ME IN. This was out of nowhere so I immediately called the TO, who told me why. He said it was because I was frequently toxic and angry. He said that I yell at players and make them uncomfortable and scared, and that a girl quit because of me. While I DO sometimes get frustrated and vocalize it, so do many other people I am simply being discriminated against my voice is naturally deeper than most. also the truth is a girl never quit that is a complete lie, she was just butthurt that she was worst than everyone there. I'm so fucking irate. I've been a member of this community FOR YEARS and just now I'm a nuisance? I am entitled to a certain level of RESPECT for being a veteran player. I'm looking into finding a lawyer who get me unbanned. There MUST be a law that prevents people from arbitrarily banning others from certain locations without written documents proving it (the TO just SAID I was banned he did not provide any evidence.) The TO isn't rich or anything so I don't think I would have to ask a lot from him, I think he'd break under just pressure of lawsuit. *OP posts this [gem of a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/3wo4jv/what_law_allows_you_to_ban_me_from_a_gaming_group/cxyd6rh/) in the /r/bestoflegaladvice thread of his original post* - December 13, 2015 > Hello. > You have all gotten the wrong impression of me. > I'm an EMOTIONAL player but I'm not aggressive or hostile or even angry. > I am just a big advocate for justice and when i see OBVIOUS misconduct like this I can tend to go off. > The immaturity of the asklegaladvice subreddit makes me upset. all they could focus on was me being upset, as if me getting banned from a community that I've put years of blood and sweat into was some sort of joke, instead of the ridiculous violation of the law on part of the TO. > I've in contact with an expert who knows about law, and he said that you're not allowed to ban someone from property that isn't your own. > he also says bans without LEGAL DOCUMENTATION are not enforceable. > this entire "Ban" is a sham and would never hold up in court. they know this obviously but they just had to make a joke out of my anger instead of actually providing LEGAL ADVICE as is the purpose of the fucking subreddit. > You see, when I've been given time to relax I am actually a pretty reasonable guy. But it's a little unfair to portray me as a rageaholic because I got banned from a community that I put fucking 2 yrs of work into. I mean imagine if that happened to you, how would you react. You would be upset as was I. **[update to smash situation \(original text retrieved by LocationBot lower in comments\)](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3wsy1j/update_to_smash_situation/)** - December 14, 2015 *Minor edits for profanity* If you're not interested in my story you can just scroll down to the bottom where I'm telling you what I'm doing next. So i wake up to my post last night GOING VIRAL on like 50 different boards all over the internet. im banned from the facebook page now (so on top of everything else now he's interfering with my ability to tell my side of the story to the group), blocked from several members twitter, taken off the email list. I'm getting a ton of texts and emails from everyone in the club and the good news is, a decent amount of people there support me. i think its funny bc even with all his attempts to manipulate everyone into hating me there are still people there that can see the truth. ;) but the TO says he's actually gonna seek legal action if i show up again because he viewed my post of punching him in the face (you know the one lol) as a LEGIT THREAT when it was OBVIOUSLY just meant to be a joke. lmao just lmao because it's not like I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH ACTUAL DEATH THREATS FROM ALL OVER THE INTERNET ALL MORNING. I just think its hilarious how far this little b$tch has gone in his attempts to get me banned, all the lies and being p$ssy about fake joke threats. And I think i know the reason, and i'll address you publically bc i know you know this account and you've made it impossible for me to contact you anywhere else. I JV 3'd you in the october monthly and sent you into losers 2-0 in semis where you got destroyed by Tim and ever since you've been the biggest b$tch on the face of the earth. you call me salty bc I react loudly, throw controllers, trash talk players etc. but the truth is I don't have a fraction of the amount of salt you have. you think you're some sort of top player but you're complete shit you haven't won ANYTHING in like an entire year. you take it out on me because you were better then me for a while, I admit, but now I'm fucking r$ping you every time we fight and you can't deal with that because your a salty coward. f$ck you and your girlfriend is a fat wh$re. honestly just get good ;) In other news I will be seeking with a legal expert that is well versed in property law and will basically stop this fake "ban" that he has on me. As of now i'd have no issue with just showing up next weekly because there's nothing that makes the ban legally legitimate but I have other stuff to do and i don't want to get involved with the r****ded campus police who will probably follow his orders because they don't know actual law. For the few posters on this board who actually reached out to me and provided legal advice/support and didn't just insult me, thank you. Even though Ive gotten a ton of hatemail from people who aren't getting my side of the story, ive also gotten a lot of support and i am confident things will turn out well in the end. :) **Edited later to say:** I will be seeking with a legal expert that is well versed in property law and will address these issues. For the few posters on this board who actually reached out to me and provided legal advice/support and didn't just insult me, thank you. For members who have openly supported me, thank you I appreciate your support. Justice will be seen soon. I seek open cooperation with any parties who wish to bridge out to me. Thank you. To all I have offended, i am sincerely sorry from the bottom of my heart

BANNED FROM SMASH BROS

REPOST

firstpc13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/183mlx6/banned_from_smash_bros/

183pbdd

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Careful_Improvement in r/StoriesAboutKevin** trigger warnings: >!Stupidity, insensitive "pranks", "No one wants to work", abuse of bowling balls!< mood spoilers: >!frustrating but amusing!< --- &nbsp; [**I own a bowling alley, my former employee was the ULTIMATE Kevin**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/gvt29w/i_own_a_bowling_alley_my_former_employee_was_the/) - June 3, 2020 Posted about an idiot vandal last night and it reminded me about this guy I used to employ. I own a mid-size bowling alley with about 10 employees. Kevin was 19 when this happened (under a year ago, maybe 8 months). I hired him after losing 2 employees in a week, so I was desperate for somebody. He did so much damage it was worse than no employee. Here's some of Kevin's greatest hits. He was caught humping a bowling ball in the break room. Kevin intentionally "forgot" to put oil on the lanes because he read somewhere that "it would make the ball blow up" and he thought that would be cool. Kevin eventually got removed from anything except for serving food and drink. I figured this would be ok. Oops, that was a mistake! Pretty soon, on the first day I put him on duty serving food for a full shift, a woman comes up to the counter and asks to see a manager. Confused, I ask her what happened. She tells me her pizza is too dry to eat. You know where this is headed. I go to check on Kevin, but he blocks the entrance to the back room with his body and yells to the woman at the counter "we used a new tomato sauce". I immediately panic- this is clearly a lie. We don't make our own pizzas, they're food service. I push past him, and discover the SOB is serving the customers WEEK OLD pizza that has been sitting in a cold dry room. Kevin tells me "I didn't want to waste food and I thought you would be mad at me". We had a Christmas party one time and Kevin literally tried to go down the chimney of the business, but the mofo couldn't get down further than his waist. The firemen came to get him out. We found him playing one-person soccer with our plastic food containers, kicking them and running after them and trying to kick them into "goals" like the pinsetter on the bowling lanes. I was using the toilet once when Kevin walks into the bathroom and stands outside my stall calling 911 to report I was dead. I tell loudly, "HEY IM ALIVE IN HERE!". Kevin tells me, "you weren't moving, I thought you were dead. Sorry." Cops still had to check it out and search the whole place. He bought a taser and used it on himself while on the job. Kevin told me he bowled a 300, with no proof of course. He got super defensive when challenged, up to the point of sending me a photoshopped pic of a 300 claiming it was his. Then he told me it was "just an example and his LOOKED LIKE THAT IT WAS ONLY AN EXAMPLE I SWEAR" and starts crying. My business partner (Call him Rob) who I worked with for 20+ years was left in charge alone with Kevin one night when I went home and the others weren't in. While I'm home, I get a text from Rob: "I hate [N WORD], [Jew slur] and "Lubesuckers"". Turns out Kevin took his phone. Then I fired Kevin- that was too much. Still the worst employee I ever had. &nbsp; [**I own a bowling alley and my former employee was a HUGE Kevin- part 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/gwdx0n/i_own_a_bowling_alley_and_my_former_employee_was/) - June 4, 2020 I figured I might as well post a few more stories I remembered about bowling alley kevin. For context, read my first post. He left his phone out for all of us to see with the p*rnhub search "T-rex with a hot poker in its ass". In the middle of a shift, Kevin started shrieking and letting out a groan that SOUNDED like a T-rex with a hot poker in its ass. Turns out he got a paycheck and noticed it was less than the $480 he "earned" for $12 an hour for 40 hours. He forgot taxes exist (ancap Kevin?) Kevin asked a new employee (call her Jane, she will be important later) to go into the storage room and get a "box of strikes". Jane spent two hours of a four hour shift searching the whole establishment before coming to me to ask wtf a box of strikes was. Kevin went out into the parking lot mid-shift and started laughing and whooping. Also screaming, "I'm on a unicycle with no seat!" He had stolen my business partner's crutches (he broke his leg that week), put wheels on them and was rolling down a hill (falling on his ass every fifteen seconds). He broke a bowling ball in half. One time Jane was serving pizza to a customer and Kevin stopped her mid-conversation with the customer to loudly let her know this customer "was a bastard". It was one of our most frequent customers, an old guy. Apparently the night before Kevin was out of my sight for two seconds and THE M0THERF0CKER PUT MAYONAISE ON THE POOR OLD MANS PIZZA. we don't even have Mayo in the fridge, he brought it from home. The old guy told Kevin to throw away the pizza and get him another. This made the old man a "bastard" by the Kevin Scale of Moral Rules and Superiority. &nbsp; *There was a third post that was removed and that I was unable to recover. However, OOP left this comment in reply to a comment on the third post saying there's no way these stories are true:* > Perhaps you don't realize how few people will work here, in a small town iowa bowling alley. No Kevin, no livelihood. When I fired him, it was IMPOSSIBLE to decide even at that point. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I own a bowling alley, my former employee was the ULTIMATE Kevin

CONCLUDED

J_S_M_K

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/183pbdd/i_own_a_bowling_alley_my_former_employee_was_the/

183q71m

**I am NOT OP.** **Original post by** u/ThrowRA-wife-sister **in** r/relationship_advice **and on his user account.** trigger warnings: >!sexual assault / harassment, depression!< mood spoiler : >!positive!< Previous BoRU is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11c0lk9/my_37m_wifes_34f_sister_29f_tried_to_kiss_me_and/) posted by u/DerMaddi **New update is from 26th August 2023 marked with 🚨🚨** **I also added in a few comments from the previous post.** [**My (37M) wife’s (34F) sister (29F) tried to kiss me and now my wife is spiraling. Help me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10erhdn/my_37m_wifes_34f_sister_29f_tried_to_kiss_me_and/) **- 17. Jan. 2023** Sorry for how long this is, tl;dr at the bottom. As the title says, my wife’s sister made a pass at me at a recent family gathering and I have no idea what to do. For context, I think my wife “Jenna” is absolutely gorgeous but she has some really negative body image issues. This is in large part because of her sister “Mary” who is very conventionally attractive, as opposed to Jenna’s more unconventional but (imo) striking beauty. Mary was a successful model until a couple years ago and now works in the fashion industry. In our early days of dating when I would tell Jenna she’s beautiful, she would always say “just wait until you see my sister”. When I did finally meet her family, she would randomly press me for weeks to talk about her sister, whether I thought she was more attractive than her, etc. I always told her the truth, that I think Mary is attractive in a boring way, and that I think my wife is much more beautiful and interesting to look at. She wouldn’t let it go until I confronted her about how uncomfortable it made me and asked her what was going on. This is when she told me that she always had a chip on her shoulder about her looks because of being compared with her sister growing up. They fell into the classic “smart one/pretty one” dynamic their whole lives. She also said Mary had a habit of being flirty with all of her exes, and warned me that it would happen to me eventually. She then started sobbing and begging me to not cheat on her with her sister, to which I forcefully said I would never cheat on her with anyone, let alone her sister. I’ve been crazy about my wife since day 1 and there’s literally no woman on earth who could come close to her. I honestly didn’t believe her about the flirting at first, I assumed it was just an extension of her insecurity, but I was wrong. Whenever we get together with my wife’s family, Mary always finds ways to touch me and make little innuendos/comments about me or my body. It’s super uncomfortable for everyone, especially my wife, and I’ve called her out on it before. She’ll cool it for a while but eventually start doing it again. It’s been six years of this, and every time it happens my wife is upset for days and I have to do a lot of reassuring. Onto the current problem. A few days ago we were at my MIL’s birthday party, and Mary asked me to help her grab some things from the garage. As soon as we walked into the garage, she turned and pressed me up against the door with her whole body and started trying to kiss me. I immediately pushed her off and asked her what the fuck she was doing. She started giggling and saying she was just “doing what we both have been thinking” and kept insisting “you know you want to”. I told her she was out of her mind and ran out of there. I went straight to my wife and told her we were leaving. The whole ride home she was asking me what was wrong, I wasn’t sure whether to tell her because I knew how much it was going to hurt but I also thought Mary would probably try to spin it as me making a move on her so I knew I had to just say it. I told her everything and she cried the whole way home. For the last several days Mary has been calling and texting my wife doing exactly what I thought she would do, even telling my wife that I said she (Mary) was “the hottest girl I’ve ever seen”, which I had to assure my wife a million times that I did not and would never say even though she believes my account of the situation. She’s been a complete wreck the last several days, she’s hardly eating, she pulls away from my touch when I try to hug her or just hold her hand, she says she feels “hideous” and “disgusting” and I don’t know what to do. This is the lowest I have ever seen her, and it hurts to see how much she’s hurting. I have no idea what to do to help her heal from this. Reddit, what should I do? Tl;dr: My wife’s sister tried to kiss me, and this is triggering deep-set body image insecurities for my wife. How do I help her? **Comments** **Honest-Illusions** *All family gatherings that include "Mary" must now be non-attendable. Your wife knows what an awful woman her sister is and hopefully the rest of the family does too. To be honest, your wife's sister is evil. You have reassured your wife of your love and faithfulness. Your wife is incredibly insecure about herself, so obviously a professional may be in order for her and yourself to talk to. You love your wife, so stand by her, and be there to support her.* &#x200B; >OOP: My in laws definitely enable her behavior, she’s the golden child, they brag about her constantly (even though my wife is literally a neuroscientist). Their mom was a pageant queen and she was their dad’s much younger trophy wife. Honestly we may have to go no contact with all of them &#x200B; [**Update: My (37M) wife’s (34F) sister (29F) tried to kiss me and now my wife is spiraling. Help me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10g9txs/update_my_37m_wifes_34f_sister_29f_tried_to_kiss/) **- 19. Jan 2023** I got a few requests for updates so here it is. I first want to thank everyone so much for your advice. It was extremely helpful and gave me a lot to think about. I’m especially thankful for the folks that asked me how I was doing. I realized that I have literally never had a chance to check in with myself after these things happen, and I’ve actually been holding a lot of frustration and resentment about it all. I’ve been harassed for years and it has either been brushed off or it’s been eclipsed by the impact it has on my wife. I don’t blame her for it, but this has been a good lesson in me not burying my feelings for the sake of others, even for her. I also want to clarify a couple of things that came up. Several people asked about how my wife’s family feels about all this, and I explained in a comment that her parents are toxic and treat Mary as the golden child, even though my wife is a freaking neuroscientist, amazingly talented musician, speaks three languages fluently and another two conversationally… my wife and her family are seriously the only people who don’t seem to understand how exceptional she is. I remember meeting one of my wife’s family friends and talking to them about her research, and they said, “oh wow, her parents just told us she works at a university.” Whereas my parents literally introduce her as “the family genius” to everyone. It makes me so fucking angry to think about how her asshole family has stolen her shine her whole life. She’s literally a Renaissance woman but all they care about is looks and money. Some folks asked me why I would ever put myself in a situation alone with Mary given everything she’s done. I have no good answers for that other than I never thought she would actually try to do anything. That possibility just didn’t exist in my head. I realize now that I should’ve seen this would happen eventually, and that I should’ve been less concerned with keeping the peace and more concerned with shutting Mary’s shit down before it escalated to this point. Hindsight is 20/20. Anyway, onto the update. The night I posted, I told my wife that if she wanted to try to repair her relationship with her sister I would respect that, but that I don’t feel comfortable being around her for the foreseeable future. I said Mary has obviously been deeply jealous of my wife her whole life because she is a hollow, ugly person whose entire value has an expiration date while my wife actually has substance. I said that I think her whole family is toxic and has done nothing but put her down her whole life, but that only she can decide whether she still wants them in her life. I also told my wife that while I don’t blame her for her emotional reaction, her insecurity is something that she needs to work on for our relationship to be healthy. What Mary did was sexual assault and she’s been sexually harassing me for years, but I have consistently put aside my own feelings about this problem because of how it affects her, and that has prevented me from getting the support that I need, too. I told her that her reaction only serves to punish herself and me for her sister’s behavior, and there’s no reason to give her that kind of power. I also told her something that a commenter said that really resonated with me: the only people who have ever considered her second best are her and her family. Everyone else sees her for who she really is. She was crying the whole time and agreed that she needed to go to therapy to work on her insecurity. We were able to find a therapist who specializes in body image/self-esteem issues to work with her individually, and we’re looking for a couples therapist too. My wife sent a message to her parents and sister that explained exactly what happened and told them she would reach out to them if she ever feels ready to repair their relationship. We blocked all of them everywhere but Mary has of course been spamming my family and our friends with nonsense, claiming I attacked her, I’m a drug addict, I abuse my wife, all kinds of bullshit that thankfully nobody believes. My wife is still down in the dumps but I can see that things are getting a little better. She’s eating and sleeping more and she’s cuddling with me in the mornings again which is nice. Now I’m planning a surprise getaway for us this weekend. We’re going to one of our favorite places and I’m going to wine and dine her and try to make her feel like the goddamn queen she is. I want to thank you all again for your help. You really helped me understand the severity of the problem and again, thanks for helping me connect with my own feelings about all this. Y’all are the best. Tl;dr: Wife & I are going to therapy. We’re going no contact with her family for the foreseeable future. I’m going to woo the hell out of my wife this weekend. &#x200B; **Comments** phenomenation *you’re an absolute legend. she’s found herself another genius who knows how to navigate life without infantile drama. i wish you both nothing but the absolute best* &#x200B; >OOP: The only genius thing I’ve ever done is marry her. I’m a pretty average dude tbh so I have no idea how I snagged her. Sad to think her low self-esteem probably played a part but I do work hard to be a good husband every day &#x200B; [**(Hopefully) Final Update: My (37M) wife’s (34F) sister (29F) tried to kiss me and now my wife is spiraling. Help me.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA-wife-sister/comments/10r4sm2/hopefully_final_update_my_37m_wifes_34f_sister/) **- 1. Feb. 2023** So I guess my original posts got reposted onto TikTok and some other subs here on Reddit so I’ve been getting tons of messages asking for updates. It feels like things are mostly settled, and I’m really hoping this will be my final update. First I want to say that I’ve gotten so many questions about who Mary is, and I’m just not going to say. Suffice it to say that she’s never been household name famous, but she made a living solely on modeling for about a decade from what I understand, so she must have been popular enough that fashion people might know her. I really don’t know how that whole world works. But imo it doesn’t matter how many names you drop, you’re not famous if you don’t have a Wikipedia page. Also got lots of comments that (mostly) jokingly called me a simp, and I can’t argue with that. I totally am a simp for my wife. She’s the coolest. I hope you all find a love that makes you feel this way! Okay, I think that’s it. Here is the actual update. My wife loved the getaway weekend, we had a blast and by the end of it she said she felt like herself again. For a few days after we got back things were really quiet, so we were hopeful that Mary had finally given up, but I felt uneasy about it all. Many of you warned me that Mary would try to interfere with my work and while I initially dismissed it, I figured I would reach out to my boss just in case. I’ve been working at the same company for almost 10 years and she’s heard me vent about Mary before so I didn’t have to explain too much. My boss just reassured me that she knows my real character and would let me know if Mary tried anything. As you predicted, Mary did try to contact my boss a couple of days later, and the following is a recounting of what my boss told me. Apparently Mary said that I needed to be fired because I was a predator and claimed to have “proof” that I assaulted her. My boss said that was a very serious accusation to make and asked Mary to explain what proof she had. Mary claimed there was a camera that caught the whole incident, and my boss asked her to send the video. Then Mary got flustered and said the police had it, so my boss asked her to send over a copy of the police report. Then Mary said it had a lot of private information in it, so my boss asked her to redact the private information and send it over. Then Mary said she didn’t feel comfortable with that, and my boss told her that she could not take action against an employee based on word of mouth from a stranger. Then Mary shouted at her about victim blaming and hung up. Unfortunately that was not the end of it. Last Wednesday, Mary somehow sent an email from my personal email account with a dick pic (not mine obviously) to the entire office. My best guess is that I must have left my email logged in on one of my in-laws’ devices, she’s definitely not smart enough to actually hack me. And I know this is completely beside the point, but of course she chose the weirdest-looking dick I’ve ever seen. I played team sports all my life, I’ve seen a lot of dicks, and this was something else. It’s honestly kind of funny to think about Mary Googling “gross penis” or something and sifting through hundreds of images to find juuuuuuust the right one. I had to apologize to everyone on staff and thankfully folks were surprisingly understanding. It’s actually been kind of a nice bonding experience with my coworkers, I honestly didn’t consider myself to be super well-liked in the office but it feels like everyone has been going out of their way to be kind to me and it means a lot. Anyway, at this point it was clear we had to escalate things legally. I really wanted to avoid it but she forced my hand. My wife and I have a lawyer friend who helped us draft a cease and desist letter outlining her continued harassment and the material and emotional damage this is causing us. My wife then sent a message to Mary and my in-laws with a copy of the letter and made it very clear that we would pursue criminal and/or civil proceedings if her harassment continued. My wife’s mom then called her crying and begged her to “just let it go” and “leave Mary alone”. My wife calmly explained that Mary is the only person responsible for this whole situation, and that their parents have always enabled her awful behavior. She also said something she later regretted but I think was pretty badass: “Mary is going to stick you two in a nursing home and steal your money the minute she has the chance, and you deserve it.” After the way her mom reacted, my wife is firmly settled on cutting off her family completely. This happened on Friday, and on Sunday Mary’s best frenemy “Anne” sent my brother a message on Facebook to say Mary is going to leave us alone and to please not sue her. I told my brother not to respond, then just sat and enjoyed the idea that Mary was out there somewhere freaking out about the potential of having to actually face the consequences of her actions. It must be such a strange feeling for her. Since then, we haven’t heard a peep from the grapevine. It feels like things are finally starting to go back to normal. My wife is starting therapy next week and we’ll be starting couples therapy in a month or two; she wants to do some work on herself first. She’s also taking a short leave from work to rest and recharge. I’m so proud of her for standing up for herself with her family and finally putting her mental health and wellbeing first. Thanks again for everyone who offered advice! This was a messy situation but it definitely would’ve been messier without your help. Tl;dr: Mary tried to get me fired so we sent her a cease and desist. Now Mary’s running scared, she and my in-laws are out of our lives, and we’re doing much better without them. My wife is prioritizing her wellness and I am one proud simp. &#x200B; **🚨🚨New Update Starts Here🚨🚨** [**Update: My (37M) wife's (34F) sister (29F) tried to kiss me and now my wife is spiraling. Help me.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA-wife-sister/comments/161e4ld/update_my_37m_wifes_34f_sister_29f_tried_to_kiss/) **- 26th August 2023** I forgot about this account completely until today and logged in to see so many comments and messages asking for an update. It’s honestly touching to see how many people care about this situation and want the best for me and my wife. This will be a brief update, I don’t want to make this a regular thing and the original situation has resolved enough that I am hopeful this’ll be the end of the saga. Mary and my in laws have pretty much left us alone. My MIL still tries to contact my wife every now and then but she’s made it clear to her family that if the first words out of their mouths aren’t “I’m sorry,” she isn’t interested in a conversation. As you can see, the past six months have made my wife a BADASS. She has done some amazing work in therapy and her confidence is growing all the time. It’s not just with her family - she’s more comfortable asserting herself at work, with strangers, with friends, etc. She’s even stopped putting up with some of my shit! To be fair that “shit” is stuff like my leaving my socks everywhere around the house, but I’m seriously proud of her for telling me to cut it out. I’m becoming a more responsible and supportive partner because she’s able to communicate her needs and expectations without feeling guilty about it. And I’m able to communicate things to her without intense emotions fully eclipsing the conversation. I didn’t mention this in my earlier posts, but my wife does struggle with rejection sensitivity even outside of her family. Often if I brought up something that I felt needed to change, her emotional reaction to feeling like she did something “wrong” would be really intense and instead of dealing with the problem, it would become about regulating her emotions. Now my wife has really good coping tools that allow her to talk about the problem without thinking she is the problem. And the biggest update… she’s pregnant! We have a baby girl due in February. I am shitting my pants with excitement. We are going to love her so much and teach her that she is more than her beauty. She’s going to have happy parents who love each other and work through issues as a team. The toxic cycle will be broken. Jenna’s family doesn’t know and she’s not sure if/when she’ll tell them, but if she does there are going to be strong boundaries in place for how they can be a part of our daughter’s life. And it’ll start with family therapy. For now, she has one set of grandparents that will go to the end of the earth for her, and that’s more than enough. My family has been absolutely incredible in their support and their so excited for us. Things are looking better than they ever have. That’s all folks. Thanks again for your support on this wild journey. Tl;dr: Mary and in-laws have mostly left us alone. Jenna is a badass now. We’re having a baby and soon I’ll have two queens in my life. Captain Simp, over and out. **Comments** **Taliesine\_** *I love how you're simping (aka supporting) your wife, you're an adorable couple. Congratulations on the pregnancy, keep on with being an awesome supporting husband !* **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[New Update] - My (37M) wife’s (34F) sister (29F) tried to kiss me and now my wife is spiraling. Help me.

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/183q71m/new_update_my_37m_wifes_34f_sister_29f_tried_to/

18431wc

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Maiden_of_Tanit **Originally posted to** r/actuallesbians **Thank you to u/PitaEnigma for suggesting this to the BoRU** **Outed myself because I was being stupid.** Trigger Warnings: >!Verbal abuse, homophobia, possible religious abuse, bigotry!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/17z56y7/outed_myself_because_i_was_being_stupid/?share_id=TZYIbf5QGbCZgZVDs12hm&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 19, 2023** Background: This is quite complex. I come from a very conservative religious background. My parents are from Algeria and I'm a Kabyle, a group of Berbers (we call ourselves the Amazigh or Imazighen), one of the indigenous people of North Africa. About two years ago I asked my father if he is agnostic (he is) even though my mum is a religious conservative and very Arabised (she tolerates his agnosticism as long as he pays lip service). I never believed in their god or faith but hid it. I did not tell my dad I wasn't a believer in their religion. Situation: I recently got off a Zoom call with my dad. He started by asking if I was alone, which immediately put me on edge, I said housemates were around but not with me. He said he was alone in the house. Then he said he wanted to ask me something. I braced myself, I expected the question to be about religion. I pretend not to have a working webcam when they call so I don't have to hide things in my room. I had started to refuse to speak in Arabic before leaving for university and had mentioned pro-Berber stuff. I expected this question from my dad. Instead, he asked if I was lesbian. I wasn't sure how to respond, I froze up and said nothing. He tried to assure me he wasn't angry. I didn't confirm it, I was silent. I didn't even know what to say to change the subject. There were just thoughts racing through my head. I can't figured out how tf he even worked it out. I was also on Zoom, I was scared he was recording it. He kept pushing the issue and I snapped. I told him to leave me alone, I wasn't gentle, and I hung up. I don't know what to do. He tried calling me and sent me a text apologising but I've basically fucking outed myself in the worst way possible. I don't even know why I reacted the way I did. My gf is coming here soon. I'm scared because I'm still dependent, I have contingencies in place like I know how to declare estrangement for university purposes and I worked over the summer holidays so I have savings. I don't know what to do, call him back or leave it for a while. If my mum finds out, she'll try to make my life hell, if her family found out. I dread to think what they'd be willing to do. After uni, the plan was to move to an address they don't know about and come out about everything before going no-contact. I'm scared. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **RevengeOfSalmacis:** Obviously be careful, but it does kind of sound like he might be trying to be discreet here, and may not be looking to betray your sexual orientation to the rest of the family. If so, it's still possible the rest of them will work it out in time, but is it possible you may have at least a tacit ally in your corner? >**OP:** Thanks. My better half said the same. She thinks I def need to calm down, but call him back later and test the water. She said he sounds like he was trying to reach out and connect with me, and he's probably hurting right now if so. > >It's just my mum's family contain people who happily hurt me physically over this. I think my father knows that though and definitely wouldn't want that. > >I'm going to call him back tonight. I just need to work out how much I'm going to tell him. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/17zcbh1/update_fully_out_to_my_father_and_i_feel_pretty/?share_id=072xliKHxKQwr5XAZglS0&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 19, 2023** Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/17z56y7 So, after my better half came round, we spoke, I calmed down and called my dad back. Glad I did, though it wasn't entirely good news. He thinks he and my mother are heading for a breakdown in their marriage. I feel bad because part of me wanted this, losing my dad was always going to be harder on me. He said it wasn't just one thing that made him click, it was lots of little things he noticed over the years. He said if mum noticed and got angry, he wouldn't have let her do anything if it came to that but he was glad I was discreet. I turned my webcam on so he could see me again, my pride flag and Amazigh flags in the background. He apologised for not teaching me Kabyle growing up. He understands that I need to be ready first, as will she, but he hopes to meet my girlfriend one day. I told him I'd like that too, as would she. I told him that I wanted him to call me by my new Kabyle name now, not the old Arabic one I was given when it's just us and he asked for time to get used to that. I agreed. He finally asked me about religion. I didn't tell him about my beliefs, my little altar to Tanit wasn't in view. I did tell him I was planning to get traditional tattoos. His only request was I don't get facial tattoos (used to be very common among Berber women). I agreed. I confirmed I didn't believe in their religion, I wasn't dressing in a way mum would consider appropriate, I drank occasionally, and I didn't practice fasting this year. He was fine with that, he breaks fast when not around mum and drinks, which I already knew. The only thing that upset him slightly was that I destroyed the copy of the holy text I was given. He said that would make mum absolutely livid, but understands if that was something I needed to do. He sounded fairly impressed when I told him I never believed. He promised to talk to me in Kabyle as much as he can and help me with learning the language. He told me that he was proud of me, always had been, and I just started ugly crying. I apologised to him for my earlier behaviour and told him I will be the best daughter I could be. I'm so happy now. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I think, on some level, part of him is relieved that the marriage is breaking down. I hope so. I told him I'll support him as best I can. I love him so much. Thanks for letting me vent my original fears. I know that the religion my parents belong to is pretty obvious, I feel it's just a little more respectful to any lurking queer members of it to keep its name out of my post. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

Outed myself because I was being stupid.

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18431wc/outed_myself_because_i_was_being_stupid/

1843296

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Mountain_Impress8795 **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole and r/AITAH **AITA for refusing to accept my husband’s gift because he thinks I’m vain and materialistic?** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional abuse, verbal abuse, gaslighting, controlling behavior!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post - Recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17yklxx/aita_for_refusing_to_accept_my_husbands_gift/LINK) - **Nov 19, 2023** I’m (30F) very interested in skincare, fashion, makeup, and other feminine things. I work hard to afford the things that I want. I’m not very pretty but I am well put together and many of my friends compliment me on my outfit or other things I’m proud of. It’s a hobby I enjoy. My husband S (27M) has always been my biggest supporter. He would listen to me and he’s always surprising me with gifts of things that I’ve been talking about or what I’ve expressed interest in. I’m always appreciative of his incredibly thoughtful gifts and I love them. A friend of S contacted me and told me that I should stop being materialistic and making my husband buy things for me. She said he complained about it a lot. I didn’t want to accuse S without proof and I looked through his phone. We have open phones but I’ve never wanted to look thru his before. I found countless messages of him calling me vain, materialistic, obsessed with my looks, picky. He also commented that I’m not even pretty enough to be that obsessed with myself Debra times. He was complaining to friends, acquaintances, and people who barely know me. It was so hurtful that I cried for hours. But I love my husband and I don’t want him to think I’m vain or materialistic. I gave away what I could and resolved to stop purchasing things and stop talking to him about them. S gave me a perfume discovery set because I had recently gained an interest in perfume. I thanked him but said I didn’t need it. He was confused and asked what was wrong with it. I told him that it was a lovely gift but I didn’t need more perfume. I said I didn’t want to be materialistic or vain. S said that he had seen my textbook on perfume and that I had bookmarked things and he knew that I was interested in it. He was teary eyed and kept asking what was wrong with his gift and why I didn’t like it. He has been very distressed since. AITA? **VERDICT REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17zaaas/update_aita_for_refusing_to_accept_my_husbands/?share_id=Wm0bo57k-IJeV2rZB8Ncq&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 19, 2023** I tried to post on the other sub but there was an error. My husband S kept asking me what exactly I didn’t like about his gift and tried to narrow why I didn’t accept it. I told him that his friend messaged me about how I was materialistic and forced S to buy me things. He looked furious. I said that I had looked at his phone and saw that he thought I was vain and materialistic and that I was trying to change that. He looked even more mad and I was tearing up at that point. Then he hugged me and apologized. He said he didn’t think I was materialistic or vain. He thought my love for my hobbies was cute and inspiring. He loved getting me gifts because I was appreciative and he likes seeing me in things he got me. I asked why he would say those things if he actually didn’t think I was materialistic or vain or self obsessed. He hugged me tighter and made me promise to still love and stay with him. Then he said that he was already fighting for my attention and affection with my friends, family, and my job, he wasn’t going to compete with others too. He pulled out his phone and we read his messages together. When I had first read them, I could barely read them because I was so heartbroken but as we read them together, I realized that he started the complaining and the other person would start calling me things and they would walk away with a terrible opinion of me. I started crying again and he apologized and said he never meant it and the other people would already thought people like me were vain and shallow. In the texts, S also insinuated that only he could get me proper gifts. It’s true that he’s the one person whose gifts were always incredible but that’s because he was very in tune with what I would want, even more than me. I still appreciate other things. I keep every card I’ve ever gotten and I still have the wrapper of a candy my childhood friend gave me. In the texts, it seems like I’m a shallow, picky person that has high standards only he can reach. I asked him not to talk about me like that anymore. He immediately said yes. He said that he would replenish what I had given away and if I tried to reject it he would see it as spurning his affection. He apologized again and said he never wanted to hurt me. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **fish0814:** Damn, he really doesn't have much respect for you. If you reject his gifts because of what HE said, then you don't love him. He is pathetic. More power to you for staying with that AH. I would never ever talk about my wife like that. No man that actually loved his wife would. Jesus. Then guilt trip you. If you accept his gifts you are a gold digger and if you don't then you don't love him. He has a lot of nerve. You cannot win. Of course you know that already. No matter what, his friends and family will always see you as a gold digger, thanks to that AH. >**OP:** I can’t win. If I don’t accept his gifts, then I am rejecting him and saying I don’t love him. If I do, then I feel shallow and materialistic. I didn’t feel like this before. S is the only one who gives me gifts regularly so I don’t expect them from others. A few years ago, my friends got me gifts for my birthday and he criticized each one. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for refusing to accept my husband’s gift because he thinks I’m vain and materialistic?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1843296/aita_for_refusing_to_accept_my_husbands_gift/

18432lw

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/ThrowRA-tattiepatch **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **I (M31) have been getting sexually assulted by my sister-in-law (F29) since we were teenagers.** Trigger Warnings: >!Sexual assault, dealing with past trauma, possible grooming, mentions of infidelity!< --- [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17wp510/i_m31_have_been_getting_sexually_assulted_by_my/?share_id=JPdzodHl4HJ2PzASotjWg&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 16, 2023** So, this is a weird one. I started dating my wife when we were both 15. We wearnt at the same school but knew each other through friends. The first couple years we were on and off until I left school and we started getting serious. My family have a large buy to let portfolio, and around this time me and my siblings would clean and tidy up properties between tennants. At times we would just stay in the houses and I used to have my now wife and her sister over to help, stay over, watch films, whatever anything goes. Sometimes we would be watching a film and we would all be on the same counch kinda just laying intermingled with each other and her sister would start grabbing and squeezing my crotch. I told my wife and we both kinda laughed it off, she would just say oh shes just a bit jealous. This didnt happen every night but it happened regularly enough. It graduated from squeezing to….stroking. All through my trousers mind you, but odd none the less. Told the wife, same response. Wasnt bothered at all. And it became a joke between the 3 of us. Even years after when she had her own boyfriends she would do this. And my wife would make inside jokes about it while the sisters boyfriend was around! It stopped maybe 6-7 years ago when she got into a serious relationship and now theres kids involved on both sides. Never thought about it since to be honest until it reared its ugly head this past weekend. Sis and her boyfriend over for drinks and games. The night was going smoothly and I said I was taking the dog out the back for a bit. Weve just had our garden landscaped and the sister perks up and says oh I’ve not seen it since its been done I’ll come out for a look. So I’m showing her around the garden, I built a big bin shed to store all the bins in, never been so proud of anything in my life so obviously I have to show her and when we get round the corner of the house and I turn around she grabs me and throws her hand down my pants, properly right in there skin on skin starts stroking me and tells me she wants to suck it. I pulled her hand out and nervously played it off and told her I think shes had enough tonight ( alcohol ) We go back inside and I start clearing up the kitchen until everyone decides to go to bed. I felt incredibly uncomfortable the next morning sitting with my wife, her sister, and the sisters partner, all seemingly oblivious to what happened. Nothing has been mentioned about it yet. Ive not told my wife yet. But between now and the last time me and my wife spoke about it shes had a baby and lost a lot of self confidence, for no reason, shes as beautiful as ever, but since those issues came to light she has shown signs of insecurities when it comes to me and other women. Which she also doesnt need to worry about, but has me worried she wont see the funny side to this anymore and she might think I’m the one persuing these …advances? Abuse? I dont know. I need help on how I can bring this up to both my wife and her sister. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **winchester4life9865:** There is no funny side to this and it should have never been looked at that way. This is sexual assault and if the roles were reversed they would be calling for your head. Ffs. I would confront them all together, sister, her SO, your wife and lay it all out what’s been happening for years. This is not ok and I would be considering legal action at this point. >**OP:** I know, looking back I dont know why I didnt make a bigger deal about it. Stupid teen behaviour. I dont really want to make a big deal of it, but I want to get my point across that it stops. And I dont want her SO involved, again, incase they think I’m the one actually persuing this. I worry that this can easily be flipped on me. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17xdjvc/update_i_m31_have_been_getting_sexually_assulted/?share_id=_UQwxRMtsM9Gyuv4DtLzn&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 17, 2023** I wasnt sure if I should be updating the original post or making a new one, so Ive made a new one but will link the old post here, and link this post in the old one. Thanks to everyone who commented and sent messages, there was lots of really good advice and it really put me at ease regarding my worries about this being flipped on me. For the ones commenting asking why I have an issue with this or laughing, you’re all part of the problem. My main worry is that this can be spun around on me and I look like the perpetrator, and there was a comment saying to get proof. We have cameras around the house so I had a look, you cant really see what happened but you can definetely see that there was some sort of altercation. And you could see me frozen on the spot. I didnt think anything of watching the footage before I did, but once I watched it over a lot of emotions hit me that I wasnt expecting. I spoke to my wife last night, I asked her why was she letting her sister touch me back in the day. She was a bit taken aback and told me she didnt really know. Told me she has felt bad about in in recent years but it stopped, the jokes stopped, and she assumed that was it, and didnt want to bring it up again since I hadnt mentioned it and everyone seemed to have moved on. She apologized profusely and told me that around that time her sister took a liking to me which led to her (the sister) having fantasies about sharing me. My wife played along with the idea, and without going into details, my wife does like this type of thing and we have explored it, but not with the sister obviously. I told her what happened at the weekend and she was speechless, angry, and hurt. She kept asking if I was ok and that she was sorry for never adressing it as it was. She asked me over the past 10 years how many times has it happened and I couldnt tell her. She also asked to see my chat history with her and we went through it picking her texts apart. She pointed out a few things that may or may not be concerning. She asked me what I wanted to do and said she would support me whatever way I needed it. I thought texting the sister would be a good idea to have anything shes admitting to in black and white. So we went with that. I quickly brought up the weekend and ask her if she knew what happened. She denies remembering much of the night. I gently let her know that I’ve already spoken to my wife about it. She broke down and started confessing all these feelings from years ago, telling me she gets weak and acts on them. She knows its not ok and shes ashamed of herself. She asks how much I actually told my wife and assures me nothing will happen again. I tell her my wifes sitting next to me reading these texts and I got radio silence until this morning. My wife and I spoke a little more before going to sleep, mostly her asking for exact details on the weekend and a little about the times before. She apologised for not being there for me and reassured me that she is and always will be. Her sister text this morning to say should just the 3 of us meet up and talk. I havent responded yet. Im glad its out there. Im so glad she admitted to everything. But I feel almost crippling anxiety. I feel terrible that the way my wifes talking she doesnt want to speak to her again. And I feel terrible because, I dont know what this means for the sister and her partner. They have a child and are supposed to be getting married next year. I have no idea how this will play out for them. I know its not my fault, but I feel like I’ve pulled a trigger and blasted a family apart. I didnt think I would have needed therapy, but maybe thats what I need to get my head straight and not feel like its my fault. Thanks again to everyone who left a comment or message, and sorry to those I couldnt get back to, I was struggling to keep up with them as they came in. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Commentator suggests therapy in order to deal with the trauma in the proper ways** >**OP:** Definetely looking into therapy, reading all the comments reinforced what a fucked up situation it is and made me realise that while I may not see it just now, theres probably some level of trauma I need to face. Thank you for the kind words. &nbsp; [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17ysqnr/final_update_i_m31_have_been_getting_sexually/?share_id=IUsk1QStNuF6F7wtWm-1m&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 19, 2023** I took a lot from the comments on my previous update. I didn't want to have anything to do with her SO and felt that, that should be her job. But there were a lot of valid points to be made so I decided to have a chat with him. I responded to my SIL’s text asking to meet with me and my wife. Told her I didnt think that was an appropriate next step, and that her partner should also be involved. Her reply was that she needed time before telling him. I stopped contact with her at this point. I got in touch with her SO and asked if he could swing a visit without their child, and without the SIL. He thought it was some elaborate Christmas gift or something we were planning. He managed to get to ours yesterday, and we sat him down and told him it was nothing to do with Christmas. It was very serious. There's a history of this, and that my wife was there because she could back me up on everything. And that whatever happens we BOTH are going to be there for him. My wife then told do him about what happened when we were younger and how my SIL felt about me back then. How it continued throughout the SIL’s relationships and shamefully, we didn't act on it the way we should have. I then told him about last weekend. I expected a lot of anger, when in reality it was just lots of tears. He asked me if we had ever slept together, I told him no, and reiterated that I never wanted any of this to happen and that both my wife and I are seeking therapy. He had little bouts of anger come out, but not directed at me thankfully. He muttered at one point that something added up, or something like that. I didnt really want to know, and I didnt press him for more. He left, in a daze it seemed. And really not long after, my wife received a text from SIL asking why we told her partner. I think this will be the last update. I’m sure there will be more grief to come, but Im so glad this part is finally over. Oddly, me and my wife have been really great since this all came out. She regrets her actions in the past. Still keeps apologizing for not reacting how she should have. But were very loved up feeling. Wasnt expecting that. She strongly feels the need to "claim me"….as she puts it, so that process has been fun. I dont plan on seeing SIL again. My last words to her were urging her to find a therapist and stick to it. My wifes in the same boat, though hasnt blocked her, still getting texts through from her but shes deleting them as they come and has told me shes done. I hope somehow SIL and her SO can navigate their way through this, though my guts telling me its too far gone at this point. I hope they both get whatever help they need and they do the right thing by their child. Still feeling very guilty, but I know thats par for the course. Thank you to everyone who left their 2 cents. I couldnt reply to everyone but I read every comment and private message that was sent. They meant a lot and some helped more than you could imagine. Really greatful for those that took the time. Lots of people also mentioned taking legal action. I wont be taking legal action, it will be a long drawn out process and lets be honest, if anything were to come of it, it wouldnt be substantial anyway. Id rather put this behind me asap and move on, than air this out legally. Thanks everyone. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **paletteknifed:** Still creepy AF that the wife who was a highschooler let her MIDDLE SCHOOLER sister fondle his dick. Who did the younger sister learn the behavior from? A family member? Could explain these two's fucked up boundaries. Doesn't excuse it but God damn is the wife sus af for not shutting that down. "She has a sharing kink" so she got pleasure from her kid sister doing sexual acts to her bf, she couldn't have found a girl their age??? Fucking hell dude. >**OP:** I should have done a better job clearing this part up. None of this started until a few years later. We first met each other when I was 15, then a few years passed and I left school and we properly started dating. This is when it started. Her "kink" had nothing to do with the sister and we knew other girls around the same age who we got to know better. My wife told her sister about it and I guess this is when the cogs started turning. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

I (M31) have been getting sexually assulted by my sister-in-law (F29) since we were teenagers.

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18432lw/i_m31_have_been_getting_sexually_assulted_by_my/

18433cm

**Getting annoyed at my dom in the bedroom - please advice** **Originally posted to** r/BDSMAdvice **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Degradation, verbal abuse, misogyny!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/s/zvcAFHWBze)  **Aug 26, 2023** Using this throw away account because my husband is in this sub. A few years back, I (F30) developed a degradation kink and for the longest time, I literally would not get off unless I was being degraded by my partners. It was nothing extreme and still isn't. I met my current husband (M34) a few years ago and we've had a great sex life. He always respects my boundaries and we do aftercare. He treats me really well outside the bedroom, princess treatment style. So I'm just going to say it straight up: recently I've been getting more and more annoyed in the bedroom because our real-life dynamic is completely different from our sex life. And i mean it's literally the opposite. I'm the breadwinner, I make 10x more than him whereas he doesn't have a job at the moment. I put food on the table, pay our rent, own a company of over 100+ employees. I look after our kid, I do the housework, I carry out entire life financially and domestically. I'm not sure how it is for others in this community but I've started to get more and more irritated at him calling me "stupid slut" and "dumb bitch" and "worthless whore" in the bedroom when he literally wouldn't be able to survive without me and my income and my labour. Like no honey I'm not a dumb slut you literally won't have a roof if I wasn't here. I pay for our trips, business class fares and literally support our entire lifestyles. I'm sorry I'm just a bit worked up after a long session of being degraded. It never used to bother me previously. In fact, I used to feel a relief because the entire day, I run my company and have 100+ people relying on me for decisions and income. I never get a break at work and am always needed at some meeting or need to make some decision. Letting go of control in the bedroom used to feel like a relief. I'm not sure what has changed - maybe I've progressed a lot financially and feel a disconnect from my husband who doesn't work and relies on me. Just to clarify, I still love being submissive in the bedroom. Could it be that I'm submitting to the wrong person now because I've simply outgrown him? I'm curious what other dom/sub relationships are like. If your dom isn't a provider IRL, how do you feel about it? Does it ever annoy you? [Update: breaking up with my husband/dom](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/s/7aPdy2fWDS)  **Sept 2, 2023** I posted recently about how I'm starting to hate being degraded by my husband/dom since I've surpassed him financially by miles, I'm the breadwinner, I look after our child + the house whereas he does nothing but degrade me in bed and call me a stupid whore and worthless slut which was making me feel really resentful since I'm carrying our whole life on our shoulder. If you're interested, you can read it here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/161zzil/getting\_annoyed\_at\_my\_dom\_in\_the\_bedroom\_please/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/161zzil/getting_annoyed_at_my_dom_in_the_bedroom_please/) Many people suggested I have a talk with him and so I did. I told him I feel like he's starting to mean all the degrading things he's calling me and that I'm feeling resentful about it. I asked him to reassure me that he doesn't actually think low of me, that he doesn't actually think I'm worthless or stupid or dumb or pathetic. He looked straight at me and said he means it and has always meant it. For me personally being degraded in bed is ok but your husband of 7 years actually thinking you're worthless as a human being when you've been working 12+ hours a day to support your family and child hurts at another level. I asked him if he's serious. He said he is. He said only a worthless woman would allow a man to degrade her in bed and that I had a degradation kink before I met him so he doesn't know how many other men I've allowed to degrade me. He genuinely seemed confused at my reaction and asked why I think he degrades me in bed if he didnt mean it. I said it's simply a PLAY in bed. It doesn't have to be carried outside the bedroom. I don't know about other d/s relationships but for me it's very important to feel appreciated and cared for outside the bedroom. I can't have any degradation in real life. I lost my mind at this point and screamed at him, I had to let out everything starting with the fact that I'm so exhausted and unappreciated and he's extremely lazy and does nothing all day. One thing led to another and I told him I want a divorce. I feel like I don't know this man any more. He's not the same caring person I met years ago who would do anything to make me happy and spoil me. I can't believe I was blind all these years. It's making me doubt everything I know about the world. We've had talks about our d/s dynamic multiple times during our happier years and this has never come up before since I didn't ever imagine it needed to be said. For some reason, more than anything else, more than the fact that he lost his job and became unproductive, lazy and entitled, what's bothering me is the fact that he said he actually thinks I'm worthless. I'm not sure if my brain is blocking all other emotions but I'm just hung up over the fact that what I thought was just d/s dynamic during sex was something real to him. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. He moved out yesterday. My mom is here to take care of my child. I'm just crying in my bedroom rn. EDIT: I'm so overwhelmed by all the responses and kind words from everyone. I'm reading every comment and responding. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys re-enforced that I'm not crazy for feeling what I'm feeling and that this isn't how a bdsm relationship is supposed to be. I love how supportive this community is. Thank you. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Getting annoyed at my dom in the bedroom - please advice

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18433cm/getting_annoyed_at_my_dom_in_the_bedroom_please/

18433zl

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwRAtv **Would it bother you if your husband did this??** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional manipulation, accusations of infidelity!< [Original Post - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vm6kj7/would_it_bother_you_if_your_husband_did_this/) **June 27, 2022** I’m asking here because my mother says I’m justified in feeling uncomfortable with this and my younger sister says I’m not. For background information, I’m 35, female. My husband is 38, male. We’ve been married for 11 years. We have two sons. There’s a young woman (25, female) who rents an apartment down the street from our house. She and my husband knew each other from years ago, because she used to be friends with my brother in law (who now lives in another state, he lost contact with almost everyone from his past including his family for a while but he’s starting to turn his life around now). So my husband kind of knew her when they were younger, but they didn’t stay in contact or have any relationship with each other until last summer when she moved into her current apartment. She’s a nice girl, sometimes she helps out watching our boys when our schedules when something comes up. We always invite her over when we have parties or BBQs, she gets along well with everyone. The first thing that happened that bothered me (that could just be me overreacting) was one night she had come over to watch our sons when our normal babysitter pulled out last minute, she always refuses payment so we bought her takeout from a local restaurant with the rest of us and she ate over. She had been swimming with the boys in our pool, and at one point said something about being cold. I was going to tell her I would run upstairs and grab her one of my sweaters when my husband took off the hoodie he was wearing and gave it to her. It just made me feel uncomfortable for some reason, but again I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not. I talked to my husband and told him how it made me feel, and told him next time in a situation like that it was so much easier to go and get one of my sweaters. He did apologize (but it doesn’t help that after he gave it to her she kept it for a few days, when she brought it back it smelled overwhelmingly like her, I asked him if he wanted me to wash it and he said no, as far as I know it still hasn’t been washed). Last night, she came over for a graduation party for one of sons (elementary school graduation). She got a phone call in the middle of it and left for about an hour, my husband went over to check on her and she came back but seemed really upset and said something was going on with her mom health wise, I didn’t get much more info than that because I was hosting the party. Later on almost everyone had left I was putting the boys to bed, the two of them were talking by the fire pit on this swing we have, she still seemed really upset and he had his arm around her shoulders and was clearly trying to cheer her up. None of that bothered me. What bothers me is that when I came back outside they were both asleep on the swing with her head on him. I woke them up and they both seemed genuinely surprised and she got up, but they didn’t seem as though they got “caught” or anything. I talked to my husband again about how it bothered me and he apologized but said that he was just trying to make her feel better and since then relationship is completely platonic I don’t have anything to be uncomfortable about and he asked if I would be upset if she was a cousin, I told him no but she’s not a cousin. He said ok and that he understood but I don’t know if he really does or was just tired and wanted the conversation to be over peacefully. My mother agreed that if she was in this situation she would be upset but my sister thinks I’m overreacting and she’d be fine with this, but my sister also isn’t married. I’m not completely sure if I’m overreacting or not so I’m looking for some other perspectives. Last night, she came over for a graduation party for one of sons. She got a phone call in the middle of it and left for about an hour, my husband went over to check on her and she came back but seemed really upset and said something was going on with her mom health wise, I didn’t get much more info than that because I was hosting the party. [Update recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vne80j/upd_would_it_bother_you_if_your_husband_did_this/) **June 29, 2022** **Part 1** Hello everyone. Thank you for all of the words of advice and different perspectives on my situation. The unanimous consensus seemed to be to talk to my husband again, and set boundaries. I sat down and had another talk with him. I told him I wasn’t accusing him of anything and laid out exactly how everything had made me feel. He seemed genuinely sorry that I felt that way, and said he was happy that I talked to him about it all and was open about it. But he said that he didn’t understand. He said that if I was secure in our relationship, and his loyalty and monogamy, and that if I trusted her, he didn’t understand why I was upset about these things. I tried to ask him if he would feel like it wasn’t a big deal if the roles were reversed, and it was a male friend who I was getting close to like that. He said that if there was a male and he knew the feelings were completely platonic he would be fine with it. But he said that he respected that I wasn’t, and that he was going to be more aware around her, he said he didn’t think it was fair to cut her off or stop inviting her over or having her watch the boys and I did agree. I’m glad that he respected my boundaries and heard me out, I do wish he had understood where I was coming from a bit better though. Either way, thanks for the advice to talk to him again. I’m happy i was clear about how it all made me feel and he knows now. **Part 2** I wrote the above update, and was going to post it but then we had a fight which I think is worth bringing up here. There were so many people talking about the hoodie. So I went to go get it, and I washed it. When I was folding the laundry, my husband came in and saw that I had washed it and definitely seemed a little annoyed-he kind of sighed, rolled his eyes and shook his head. I didn’t say anything though. Later on as he was putting everything away into his closet he held up the hoodie and was like, “I told you that you didn’t have to wash it, if you’re so sure I’m going to cheat on you why does it matter what my hoodie smells like?” and then he took it and threw it onto floor of his closet instead of hanging it up with the rest of them. I told him I didn’t think he was going to cheat on me, but I didn’t like his clothing smelling overpoweringly like another woman, he said it hadn’t smelled overpoweringly like her she had just already washed it so it smelled like her fabric softener. He said I was harping on this and that I was behaving ridiculously, etc. I told him that all I had done was wash a hoodie, which was the same thing I would’ve done if one of our kids clothes came back from a friends house. Today after he got dressed his closet door was open and I saw the hoodie wasn’t on the floor anymore, but it wasn’t with his other sweatshirts either. I asked him where it was, and he didn’t answer, he just said (really low, to himself) “You’ve got to be kidding me, here we go again.” I told him that I wasn’t trying to start anything, it had been on the floor and now it wasn’t so if it needed to be cleaned again or ironed I would. He turned around, told me to “Let go of the f**king hoodie, I’m not talking about it again.” I was completely shocked because he never talked to me like that before, especially not in front of our kids. He didn’t even apologize, he just left for work and slammed the door. I really didn’t mean to make such a big deal about the hoodie, I kind of feel like he’s making a big deal about me washing it, right? **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Would it bother you if your husband did this??

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18433zl/would_it_bother_you_if_your_husband_did_this/

18434gh

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwra_annoyed_ward **My [29f] recently engaged friend [29f] implied I wasn't engaged because my boyfriend [31m] doesn't actually want to get married after being together 3 years. And I'm upset because I'm scared she's right** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional manipulation, neglect!< [Original Post - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rrms9w/my_29f_recently_engaged_friend_29f_implied_i/)  **Dec 29, 2021** My friend Elise [29f] is engaged to Rick [32,] and I [29f] am dating Luke [31m]. Elise and Rick have been engaged for a year, together for two, and I’ve been with Luke for 3 years. Fake names. So Elise and Rick had their engagement party Sunday afternoon. I was chatting with Elise, looking at her ring, and I’m not going to lie, I felt a bit of envy. Luke and I have talked about marriage, but we haven’t even looked at rings yet. He says he wants to marry me, though, but I do think it’s taking a long time. So I asked Elise what made Rick propose to her (like how it happened). She told me that on their first date, she told him that he had a deadline. I asked what she meant, and she said that she told Rick she wasn’t going to wait around 2, 3, 4, 5 years for a man (any man, not him in particular) to marry her. She said she wants kids with the right guy but didn’t want to have kids without a stable marriage and a house. Well, they have the house and now are getting married. Another one of her friends (don’t know her age, but I’ll call her Heidi), said she was shocked it didn’t make Rick run for the hills. Elise laughed and said, “Well, it wasn’t an ultimatum. It was a fact. If after 2 years you still can’t tell if I’m the one, then I’m clearly not, and I will be moving on. Period.” I told Elise that if I told Luke that, he would leave me. That’s when Elise said that Luke probably isn’t the right one, then, if after 3 years he’d leave me for expecting marriage. That hurt my feelings, so I told her that marriages don’t always last and doesn’t mean someone is ‘the one’ just because they propose. She said she wasn’t worried, that she and Rick were in love and knew life would not be easy, but she’s prepared to make it work. She also said she knows marriage isn’t for everyone which is fine so long as your partner feels the same, but that marriage is a value of hers, and she wasn’t going to waste time with someone who so clearly didn’t have the same values of her. That’s when Heidi asked me what my problem was. I told her I didn’t have a problem, just stating a fact. Then Heidi asked how long I had been with Luke. I said 3 years, and she asked if I wanted to get married. I said yes, and when she asked what about Luke, I just excused myself to the restroom. Not much else happened at the party, but when Luke and I left, I told him about the conversation. Luke laughed and called Elise ridiculous. I asked what he meant and he said, verbatim, “Only desperate and crazy women have a policy like that. Let it happen when it feels right.” So I asked him if he wanted to marry me, to which he said of course, and I asked then why weren’t we engaged when we’ve been together longer. He said he wasn’t ready yet and our relationship was fine the way it was. I asked how long did he have to wait to know and he shrugged and said “Does it matter? We’re together and that’s what is important.” The conversation paused for a minute and then Luke asked me not to be like Elise. He said that he doesn’t like being forced to do something. I asked him if Rick felt that way (he’s good friends with Rick). He admitted that Rick never said he felt forced and that he had been planning to propose to Elise 6 months after they met, but waited a bit to make sure he wasn’t just jumping in to something. I asked Luke if it would be okay for me to look at rings. He said I could but to not get my heart set on anything because he wasn’t ready and he said even if he was, he wasn’t willing to spend more than $1,500 on an engagement ring. Elise's ring obviously cost more than that. I never asked her how much it was, but center diamond is 2 carats, and the rest of the band is covered in diamonds. I remember she was asked once how much it was. She wouldn't answer but said that Rick bought a ring he wanted her to love and did not care about the price. He found the ring she'd like, looked at the price, and saved money to purchase it debt free. I didn't mention that to Luke, but her telling me that came back when Luke said he was only willing to spend $1,500 on a ring I'm not even allowed to really look for. I’m not really sure why, but the conversation with Luke and Elise has made me very sad. I’m slightly angry at Elise for her implications but mostly I’m disappointed in Luke based on our conversation Sunday. He hasn’t mentioned it since this weekend, but it’s all I can think about. Did Elise go about it the right way? Is Luke wasting my time? I don’t know, both of those conversations Sunday have me feeling like something is off. TLDR: My boyfriend isn't ready for marriage after 3 years but my friend got engaged after being together with her fiance for a year, and it's driving me nuts. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/TPzHvVJQoz)  **Jan 2, 2022** [Original here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rrms9w/my_29f_recently_engaged_friend_29f_implied_i/) So I read all of the comments but by the time I was able to get back on, my thread was locked (I didn’t think it was going to take off like that). But I didn’t ignore it, so here’s the update (it starts at 'Anyway'). First, some info: Elise and Rick will have been together 3 ½ years by the time they get married. I also think I gave the wrong impression of their relationship. Elise didn’t demand a proposal from Rick, and she was surprised when it came. They honestly sound like they just had a whirlwind romance. She also didn’t say she had to be married by the end of 2 years but that you should know if you want to marry her by the end of 2 years and be ready to be engaged so long as financially, work wise, and in personal life everything is okay. They were together for a year and a couple months before he proposed. He did not propose at 6 months. He told Luke he knew she was the one at 6 months and started looking for rings then, but they got engaged later than that. Also, I don’t care how much Elise’s ring cost or how big it is. I didn't include that part because I was being petty.  I was annoying because Luke basically told me I don’t get a say in what I’d be wearing. He developed the budget on his own without talking to me about it, and he knows next to nothing of jewelry and has never asked me what I like. I always thought he’d do what Rick and other mutual friends did which is look together, develop the budget together, and then he picks what he thinks I would like. Rick didn’t have the money for Elise’s ring (his own words) so he made a financially sound decision to save up for a ring he knew she’d like but wouldn’t break their bank, either. I figured Luke was going to do the same thing but apparently he had no intentions of doing so. Lastly, someone mentioned that Rick doesn’t have as much going on as Luke does which isn’t true. I don’t know what Rick actually does, but he works for a major company in the financial department. He’s not an accountant, but he basically supervises all money coming and going, sort of like a treasurer. Elise is a school guidance counselor. So both are very educated, no kids outside of their relationship, and are doing okay. Anyway. With me and Luke, he is very much ‘go with the flow’. More than I thought, actually. The reason I didn’t reply to my first thread is because I decided to talk to Luke first. Long story short…we broke up. Several comments said I needed to communicate what I wanted clearly to Luke, so I took an hour to write out what I really wanted in the next couple of years and then told Luke the night I posted the first thread. I told him that after 3 years, we should be seriously considering the next step. I told him I wanted kids and with my age, I’m scared of health problems and complications especially with COVID overtaking the hospitals around us. I told him that before we buy a house (we were looking) that I want to at least be engaged like Elise and Rick were. That’s not a comparison per se, but I reflected on this and I think buying a house with a boyfriend who can’t tell me when he wants to be engaged isn’t very smart. Elise and Rick were engaged when they bought their house, so were several of our married friends, and I realized that’s the minimum stage in our relationship I want to be in before purchasing a home. Luke’s reaction was not pleasant. He told me he felt like I was trapping him in a corner and demanding a ring when I wasn’t. I told him I wanted a plan and to see if we were on the same page, but I wasn't expecting a ring tomorrow or anything, just over the next year or so. He told me he’ll propose when he’s ready and me bringing it up over and over again is making him not want to do it because he thinks I just want a ring, but I don’t. I want a family, but I don’t want to be one of those women who has a kid with a man who doesn’t actually want the same things I do. I told him that he doesn’t seem like he wants to get married, and that’s when he said it. Luke told me he wants to get married but admitted he didn’t know any more if he wanted to marry me in particularly. When I asked why, he said he doesn’t think I have enough ambition. Luke wants to get a promotion at his job (he works in marketing), he’s going to school for his masters, and he’s into self-improvement like going to the gym and eating healthier and mental health books. He said he felt like I just wanted a marriage and kids and then I would be a SAH mom which he doesn’t want me to do. He wants me to work, but I work as a secretary for psychology service. Luke makes almost 3x as much as I do. And I don’t want to go back to school. I hated it the first time, and I can’t afford to do it again even if I wanted to. Plus, I love my job.  Great pay, great benefits, and my bosses and coworkers are really cool.  But he told me that was an excuse, and he doesn’t want to be tied to someone who is, as he said, “okay with just being okay” and that he wants more than that out of life. I was angry because I feel like I’ve asked this of him before and he always said he wants to marry me. I did tell him before I wanted to be a SAH if financially we could afford it, and I guess he didn’t want me to be. So, I told him I was done with the conversation and have been staying at a friend’s house. I’ve messaged him a couple times to try and talk to him since, but he only responds saying he thinks we are on different pages and the relationship needs to be done so we can find what we want. I’m really sad and upset and feel like I wasted my time and that Elise was right.  Luke took our relationship status off of Facebook and a ton of people have been asking what happened. His responses to my text messages also just seem so cold. From what I’ve heard from mutual friends, he sounds like he’s doing okay and went out Friday night (New Years Eve) with some friends to a bar. No, I have not talked to Elise though she did reach out. But that’s what happened. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My [29f] recently engaged friend [29f] implied I wasn't engaged because my boyfriend [31m] doesn't actually want to get married after being together 3 years. And I'm upset because I'm scared she's right

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18434gh/my_29f_recently_engaged_friend_29f_implied_i/

1843d7p

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/weddinginvite69 in r/AmItheAsshole and OOP's profile page\*\* Trigger Warnings: >!Misandry themes and brief discussions on ethical nonmonogamy and BDSM!< Mood Spoilers: >!OOP for the win, but partially inconclusive ending!< [AITA for telling people that I wasn't invited to a wedding?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xoxlp7/aita_for_telling_people_that_i_wasnt_invited_to_a/) posted 26 September 2022 I've been working for my company for 7 years now, five of which have been spent on my current team. There are 15 people on it and I'd say we're all pretty close, relatively speaking. I have a coworker named Bob\[33m\], who joined the team when I did. During the pandemic he announced to everyone on a Zoom meeting that he was now engaged. Fast forward to this January and Bob says that his wedding would be held in September of this year at a really beautiful winery. About five months ago the invites started coming in for everyone on the team, but mine didn't. I waited a few weeks but nothing came, so I went to Bob and asked if my invite got sent out. He gave me a solemn look and then told me that I wasn't invited because of a "spacing issue". He said he tried to make it work, but just couldn't, and hoped I didn't take it personally. He also said I'd be sure to get wedding favors and a piece of cake. He also asked me to keep it to myself and "please not make a big deal out of it". I honestly didn't know what to say, so I guess I just said "okay" and walked away. I won't lie, I was upset. I hate feeling excluded, and it was doubly worse because everyone else on the team was going except for me. And honestly, I really like weddings, they're usually very fun. I kept it to myself, but I wasn't happy. The day of the wedding came three weeks ago. and it went by without a hitch. Everyone on my team had a grand time and said it was beautiful. The food and party was great as well and apparently everyone got a dozen fresh apple cider donuts to take home. I never did get that cake or wedding favors btw. At work the following Monday my team member, Sherri, told me that everyone was confused as to where I was. Apparently Bob said I was sick and couldn't make it. I was confused and then pissed, I straight up told her I wasn't invited, and left it at that. She looked shocked, and asked me to confirm and I said yes I wasn't invited. Well Sherri told someone, because about five people asked me if I wasn't invited and I said it was true. Today was Bob's first day back from his honeymoon and it must have gotten back to him that I spilled the beans. He approached me in the break room and he was upset that I told Sherri and that it wasn't a big deal I missed the wedding. I said "how would you like to be excluded from something everyone else is going to?" We went back and forth for a bit, before Bob walked away. I was pretty upset, so upset that my project manager came to ask me if I was okay because she heard about me not being invited. I didn't want this to go this far, so I said yes. But other team members came up to me and said that Bob should have invited me, and it was wrong he didn't. Look I realize that it was his wedding day and he's allowed to invite who he wants, but I'm allowed to be upset that I wasn't invited right? So reddit, AITA for telling people I wasn't invited to the wedding and being upset about it? Edit: Sorry I forgot to put in the OP that I'm a 30, male Edit 2: Wow guys, thank you for all the support, my inbox is begging for mercy. &#x200B; *Top Comment with 19.3k upvotes:* NTA. You didn't ruin his wedding day, and you didn't say anything prior to the wedding, nor make a big deal of it. Bob straight up lied to your colleagues about why you couldn't attend, which is incredibly bizarre, and a major AH move. You just corrected his "mistake". &#x200B; ***Verdict: NTA*** [UPDATE: AITA for telling people that I wasn't invited to a wedding](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xr8xyv/update_aita_for_telling_people_that_i_wasnt/) posted 29 September 2022 I want to thank you all for the responses, especially for the wedding invites. Well I have an update to this story and it took an interesting turn. Bob and I were in the office today. He came to me and asked if we could talk. He asked if we could clear the air over some beers with his wife after work I said okay. After work I meet Bob and his wife "Pam" in a bar. They both apologized for not inviting me, and making me feel excluded. Bob apologized for lying and getting mad about it. The reason they didn't invite me is because they didn't want single guys at the wedding. They went to a big wedding back in 2019 that was ruined when a bunch of drunk, single guys started hitting on the women there. A few of the boyfriends and husbands got pissed and it turned into a big fight. People were arrested and it completely ruined the wedding. I found it hard to believe, but they showed me a couple of Facebook videos of them at a wedding, and it looked the damn Royal Rumble going on. I was even shown a few Facebook statuses confirming their story. Pam said she was sort of traumatized by this and swore they'd have no single guys at their wedding. Well the wedding came and Pam stuck to her guns. Only family, couples, single women or trusted single men were to be invited. Pam said that there were only about 10 single guys there, and they were all family members or groomsmen. She said the party turned out amazing this way since women didn't have to worry about being hit on. Pam said it truly wasn't personal, and that she's so sorry for not inviting me, but would do it again. I asked if she and Bob didn't trust me enough to control myself. She said that Bob vouched hard for me, but she was sticking to her guns. The compromise was that she'd have to explain it if anyone asked, and that Bob got to choose the honeymoon destination. Curiously she said that she had a sister around my age and I was "just her type" and she wanted to keep her away from me. I was a little offended at that, but she says that it's for my own good. Her sister is a little bit of sl\*t(her words not mine) and she didn't want her to get her hooks in me(again her words). Bob said he should have handled it better, and he wanted to be honest but it wouldn't have made much of a difference so he hoped I wouldn't mind as much. Plus he figured I wouldn't want to go to a wedding as a single guy anyway. I told them I was kinda hurt, they thought I would act like a creeper at their wedding. Pam assured me that she thought I was a nice, smart, funny guy but she just wanted to make sure their wedding went off without a hitch. They promised to make it up to me, but I told them it wasn't necessary. Pam insisted on it, and said I had to know how sorry she was. So we made plans to have dinner at their expense at a very nice restaurant in the city this weekend. So in the end I guess it wasn't anything I did, but I still feel kind of insulted. But I guess I get a free dinner out of it 🤷🏻 Edit: There are a lot of comments here suggesting that I'm being naive, a doormat and letting them off easy for basically calling me a creep. I won't lie, I think you all might be right. I do believe in taking the high road on most occasions, but I don't think this should be one of those times. As a side note, I don't believe that wanting to see the best in people or taking them at their word makes you naive. I had a call an hour ago with my project manager and explained the entire situation. She advised me to go to HR and make a complaint since it could lead to a hostile work environment. I have a meeting with them Monday. I don't really want to make a formal complaint, just have it on file in case anything happens. Tbh I don't think it will Bob doesn't seem like that kind of person, but I've been wrong plenty of times before. So as per the advice here, I won't be going to dinner with Bob and Pam. I will however insist on a public apology that doesn't imply that I'm a creep. And I'm insisting on some fresh apple cider donuts, not store bought, but fresh. Thank you for making me see the truth reddit. Although I'm dissapointed I'm turning down some wagyu steak, so you all owe me one haha. Final update: I can't post any further updates on this sub, so I'll post updates on my profile. &#x200B; *Top comment with 14.3k upvotes:* What a pair of assholes. [Update and More Context](https://www.reddit.com/user/weddinginvite69/comments/xt22j0/update_and_more_context/) posted 1 October 2022 Hey everyone, thanks for stopping by! I'm only allowed one update on AITA, and I can provide more detail with a self-post. Unfortunately, there's an update to this story. Honestly, this whole thing is stupid as hell and I really just want to move on and forget this whole thing happened. But reality is often disappointing. But first to clarify a few things: 1. I had to omit a lot of information because of character count in r/AmITheAsshole. 2. I got a few posts and DM's asking why I felt entitled to be invited. I want to make it clear. I don't feel entitled to anything. Yes, I wanted to be invited, but as I said if they had been honest with me from the beginning I wouldn't have minded as much. They were allowed to do what they wanted on their wedding day. My problem was the subterfuge used to mask their choice. 3. I'm usually not this indecisive, but this is a weird situation and I don't exactly know how to handle it. 4. I have never talked to Bob about women, ever. We didn't have that kind of relationship, none of the men on the team do. I think the women do it among themselves, but I can't be sure about it. 5. I'm choosing to believe Pam about her experience dealing with men. If recent years have shown us anything, is that we need to believe women when they say they've been harassed or assaulted. 6. The "trusted men '' were made up of family members and groomsmen who were explicitly told not to flirt with the women. Pam had to turn away some of her single guy friends, and Bob had a shit ton of guy friends who wanted to go but were turned away. 7. Bob and Pam's afterparty was going for a club vibe. Pam and some of her friends had very bad experiences being hit on at clubs and Pam wanted to ensure their safety. She got the idea to exclude guys from going to women only clubs. According to her, the vibe was so much better when women could "get drunk and shake their asses and not be taken harassed by thirsty guys". The women at the wedding appreciated the lack of guys on the dance floor, but some complained about the lack of guys at the wedding. 8. The wedding Royal Rumble happened at the wedding of one of her closest friends. The friend and her husband were devastated their wedding was ruined. It was so bad that they committed to having a five-year vow renewal. Also, they were stuck with a large cleanup bill from the venue for damages. 9. As for me, it was 70/30 on me being invited. It came down to that Pam didn't know me at all outside of my superb Super Mario Maker level design. Bob really fought hard for me, but Pam was too unsure, and then she remembered her sister. 10. According to Pam although she loves her sister to death, her sister is a huge sl\*t and goes from guy to guy with the change of the wind. Apparently I'm dangerously her type and she would have been all over me. I asked what was wrong with that, she said her sister doesn't deserve a "sweet guy like me" and she didn't want her to get her hooks in me. This sealed my fate. 11. Bob said it would look horrible if I wasn't invited. That's when she came up with the compromise of taking the heat for it. He was just hoping that I wouldn't mind not going. 12. Maybe I'm naive, but I'm choosing to believe Bob about feeling horrible about not inviting me. He seemed really broken up about it, either he's a damn good actor or he's telling the truth. 13. He acknowledged that the way he handled it was terrible. According to him there was no way of doing this that wasn't awkward. As for why he lied? Apparently he panicked and couldn't think of anything better. Him getting mad at me for not going along with it wasn't necessarily about me, but being mad at Pam for putting him in that situation. 14. He promised to make a full apology in front of the team when we're all together in the office again in a few weeks. 15. Pam did say that she felt terrible about me and the other guys she had to exclude, but she would do it again to ensure the safety of the women around her. 16. She was extremely insistent on making it up to me. She said that we should be friends going forward and offered a nice home cooked meal to me followed by some wine and a round of Mario Kart. I turned that down. That's when the expensive restaurant solution was offered. 17. I accepted because it seemed like a fair compromise at the time. They didn't even have to really apologize for it, but they were offering me dinner so I took it. In hindsight I shouldn't have, but at that point I just wanted to get out of there and go home. Now for the update: After reading the comments calling me a doormat, I decided not to accept their dinner offer. I called Bob on his work phone to explain my change of heart. He was disappointed, but understood my reasoning. I parroted some of the talking points and he said he understood. He wouldn't make a big deal out of it, and we could just move on. I thanked him for being cool about it, and he hung up. I thought that would be the end of it, but not five minutes later Bob calls me back. I groan and pick up; surprisingly, it was Pam on the other side. She didn't come at me hostile, but she did sound upset. She wanted to know why I didn't want to come anymore. I explained what I told to Bob about how they basically insisted I was a creep. I told her I didn't want to invalidate her experiences, but I didn't have to accept being told I'm a potential sexual predator. She said that she didn't mean it like that, and that she thinks I'm a good person, but couldn't risk it for her wedding. She was practically begging me to meet her in person to clear the air further. She kept on saying that we could be the best of friends if I'd give her a chance to explain better. I said no thanks, and that I had to go, but I'm sorry that she went through what she went through. I ended the call by saying, "btw I didn't even get those donuts", I then hung up. It's been quiet since then, but Bob is back in the office on Monday and I fear Pam might do something…. Drastic… I hope this thing is over, but I fear it might not be. In any case I'll update if anything happens. &#x200B; [Bob's drunken confession](https://www.reddit.com/user/weddinginvite69/comments/xv9m14/bobs_drunken_confession_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) update posted 4 October 2022 Hey everyone! So, as I mentioned in my last update, I reached out to Bob and explained that I wouldn’t be taking him and Pam up on their weekend dinner offer. He was disappointed but agreed with me. Pam called me back a few minutes later and fought hard to keep the plans. I declined and left it at that hoping that would be the end of it. It wasn’t….. And now, this silly drama continues. I went in two hours early on Monday so that I could potentially avoid a Bob after-work chat. Surprisingly, Bob came in an hour early, lining him up to potentially leave with me. Bob looked exhausted. And I don’t mean tired; I mean mentally. I’ve seen Bob tired; we've worked many late nights on projects together. I’ve seen him hungover; this wasn’t any of that. I almost can’t describe it; he looked worn down. He shot me a “sup” nod, and I gave him one back, and we got to work. I kept my meeting with HR. Our HR rep is a wonderful lady named “Sally”. I told Sally the whole story, and she said that in her 15 years of HR work, she’s never heard a more stupid story. We shared a good laugh, and she told me that it would be unofficially logged just in case Bob or Pam did anything crazy. She told me she thinks Bob is harmless, but to keep my eyes sharp. The rest of the day was uneventful. The most interesting thing that happened was that I saw Bob’s face buried in his hands for a good minute or so. With two hours to go, I go to the break room for some water. Bob follows me in and approaches cautiously. I gave him a surprised look, and he just threw up his hands as if to say he was not hostile. He said he knows I’m the last person I want to talk to right now, but he needs to talk to me. I said fine, but I angled us over to where the security camera was. Paraphrasing here, but he said, “Look, I won’t ever speak to you again if you don’t want me to, but let me buy you a round and explain all of the things Pam didn’t tell you when we met the other day.” Bob sounded desperate, something I’d never seen from him before. He then hit me with the money quote: “Look man, I could really use a friend right now, and I’ve always considered you a friend.” Well sorry to disappoint everyone here, but I’m a big gullible softie. I agreed to talk with him, but I told him that there would be absolutely no more “meetings” on this situation after this. He agreed and said he’d meet me after work. After work, we walked to our usual bar, the same one I met him and Pam the first time. I suspected Pam might be there, but she wasn’t. Nevertheless, I kept my eye open for her. Once we sat down, Bob apologized yet again. This one seemed even more genuine than the first. I told him he didn’t need to keep apologizing; I got it the first time. He said that he had to apologize because there’s a lot more to the story about the wedding than I thought. Bob explained that he fought Pam like hell to get her to give up the single men’s exclusion, but she was dead set on it. They argued for months, and a lot of people offered different solutions. Bob suggested a smaller wedding with only immediate family and friends, but Pam shot that down. She always dreamt of a big wedding with lots of people there, and a small wedding didn’t fit her dream. Her parents said, “why not hire a security guard?” Pam said that she wanted the possibility eliminated completely. She said that a few single men could stand to not be invited to a party for once in their lives. Bob said he had a lot of friends who wanted to come and that they would be hurt if they weren’t invited. Pam said she was making sacrifices too; a lot of her guy friends wanted to come. Bob finally relented and said if the exclusion were to happen, he wanted nothing to do with that decision and wanted it known that it was out of his hands. Pam said she’d take the heat for it if it came to that, but didn’t think people would go crazy over it. She also gave Bob the choice of their honeymoon destination since he was making a big sacrifice. They went to the French Riviera if anyone is curious. Bob said the wedding, reception, and party were amazing. He said that so many women there were drunk off their assess and falling over themselves. Apparently, they did feel safe, but a drunk vocal minority was complaining about the lack of “hot guys to dance with”. Bob even laughed because one of them was going around calling it a “Lesbian wedding” since there were only women there. Oh, and some women were absolutely hitting on the handful of single guys there, but Pam didn’t mind that as much. Bob said he wasn’t rubbing it in, just setting up a point. After the honeymoon, they came home to what Bob described as a “PR firestorm”. Apparently, Pam had lied to her guy friends about why they weren’t invited. One of her close friends let slip the real reason they weren’t invited. They were effing furious. She was flooded with angry calls and messages from her friends about Pam essentially calling them potential sexual predators. Pam explained her position multiple times to her friends, but it fell on deaf ears. She has lost MANY friends over this. One of the guys said, “if you think that I’m a rapist then why the fuck are we even friends?” Pam has been crying for days, and her work life has become terrible; she might even need to leave her job. By this point, Bob had a few hard drinks and was tipsy, so he let loose a little more. He said that her decision had cost him friends of his own. So many of his guy friends were furious to learn they were excluded, and for the reason why. On the day of the wedding, about six or so of his closest friends who were excluded decided to go on a fishing trip as a “screw you” to Bob and Pam. The cherry on top of the petty cake? They decide to donate $500 and some items to a local woman’s shelter. Bob was devastated, and none of those guys are returning his calls or messages. Even their families are upset with them over the exclusion. Pam’s parents are publicly supportive, but chastise her behind the scenes. She doesn’t have anyone but her bridesmaids and about three other friends who believe in her cause. Bob said at one point that Pam was hysterical and screaming “why can’t anyone just understand my point of view?!”. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but there was more to this crazy story. At this point, we were about an hour in and Bob was nice and tipsy. So, I pried for more information. Bob said that at first, Pam was sticking to her guns that the exclusion was a good idea, but she was starting to waiver a little bit. She said that most people understood where she was coming from, but that it was too heavy-handed, and even a little sexist. Bob and Pam have had multiple blowups over this whole situation, and they’re not in a good place right now. He said that instead of feeling giddy about his new wife and basking in the glow of being married, he’s harboring a ton of resentment towards her because she’s cost him a lot of his friends and ruined their lives over a stupid party. As for me? Apparently, Pam really likes me. One of her biggest regrets about this entire situation is not getting to know me better before the wedding. He said, that Pam thinks I’m one of the coolest people she’s ever met. I asked Bob how she made that determination from a 15-minute chat, and he laughed and said: “I don’t know man, she probably has a crush on your or something.” I laughed, but that made the situation a little bit weird. As for Pam’s sister? She is a sl\*t, but not in the way you may think. Bob explained that Pam’s sister “Beth” is by all accounts a very smart, successful, respectful woman. She just so happens to like sex. Bob explained that Beth is really into the kink scene and is into things like ethical non-monogamy. She frequently mentions her adventures to Bob and Pam, and it got them into the lifestyle as well. I was a little surprised, and I asked for clarification, and he said “yeah, she kind of got us into some of that stuff.” I was shocked, I mean how often do you hear that your co-worker is into BDSM? But hey, no kink-shaming from me. So, it turns out that Beth isn’t some soul-sucking, homewrecking, out-of-control succubus, she’s just a regular woman who loves sex. Bob said that Pam was scared that we would hit it off. We share many of the same interests and have similar personality types according to Bob, Pam wasn’t lying about that, nor that I was exactly her type. She likes tall guys, and from what I’ve heard, she’d have been all over me if she found out I was single. Well, now I was curious, so I asked Bob if he had a picture. He pulled up her Instagram, and I must say she was damn gorgeous. She looked like Pam’s twin, only she was a little bit thicker. I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty pissed at Pam all over again lol. Bob said that Pam has always been a little jealous of Beth. I don’t know why, Pam is a stunner herself, and looks just like Beth. Bob said that as a FU to Pam, he’d give her my Insta so we can DM each other, and he’d put in a good word for me. I thanked him profusely lol. He said that Pam was so desperate to make amends with me because I made a big impression on her, and she thinks that we’d be really good friends if we hung out. Bob said that she was just grasping at straws at this point. She’s lost all of her friends, and she wanted to make another one. He said that he’d reign Pam in so that she wouldn’t bother me anymore. By this point, Bob is more than tipsy. He says that he’s having doubts about this marriage because the wedding process and aftermath have been a nightmare. He thinks it’d be really shallow to divorce her over this, but his life has been ruined by her choices. I was shocked, and he said “don’t tell Pam please”. I swore that I wouldn’t tell her anything. Bob paid for our drinks, and he was gonna take public transportation home, but I told him he needs an Uber. He fought me on that, but I insisted and he agreed to take one. I put him in the Uber and sent him on his way. An hour later, Pam texted me from his work phone. She told me: “thank you for taking care of my hubby, you’re a good person.” I didn’t respond. And that brings us to now. I hope that this is mostly the end of it, but it seems like Pam might be desperate and do something rash. In any case, I’ll keep you fine folks updated. &#x200B; [New update: A date with Beth](https://www.reddit.com/user/weddinginvite69/comments/y2rrkk/new_update_a_date_with_beth/) posted 13 October 2022 Hey everyone, nothing major has happened, but I have a small update. Bob was true to his word and gave Beth my Instagram. She messaged me last week and we got to talking. The conversation went so well that we agreed on a coffee date this past weekend. Well, sorry to disappoint the naysayers here, but the date went extremely well. We talked about a lot: our hobbies, interests, futures, jobs, and families. Bob was right, we are remarkably similar, even down to some of our specific food tastes. The date went so well that we met at a bar next to her office for some after-work drinks. And yes, that date went amazing as well. Now here's the part I think you're all going to like. We're going to do a hike this coming weekend, and along the way, we're going to make a stop at the winery where Bob and Pam had their wedding and pick me up some GODDAMN APPLE CIDER DONUTS. I think if all goes well with this date, I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend, she just feels special. So that's it. I'll let you know how that hike date goes, but honestly, I think this situation is mostly settled now. Bob has been keeping his distance, but hooked me up, and Pam hasn't been in contact with me for a week now. After the hike, it'll probably be my last post. I don't intend on milking this thing for unnecessary drama. Thanks all &#x200B; *Comment giving more context into Pam's thinking from OOP in response to a question asking if Beth knew about what was going on:* Beth knew all about it, she said everyone begged her to reconsider the ban, but she wouldn't hear of it. Though she didn't understand why she wanted to keep me from her. Also, Beth confirmed the wedding Royal Rumble fiasco and some of Pam's bad experiences. Apparently, she had a guy follow her home from a club one night and that really shook her to her core. Police got involved and everything. Not to mention a couple of guys just straight up groping her in the club. I won't lie, that really made me see things differently. However, she did say that Pam had a tendency to be "dramatic" about things. &#x200B; [Update IV: The Final Chapter?](https://www.reddit.com/user/weddinginvite69/comments/y6nt3i/update_iv_the_final_chapter/) posted 17 October 2022 Hey all I want to thank you all for sticking with me through this crazy ass saga. And also for the congratulations for getting with Beth. It means a lot. Now on to the update. As I mentioned last time, me and Beth had met and had gone on a few dates. She's truly an amazing woman. She's smart, funny, driven and very nice. I'm absolutely smitten with this girl lol. Well, we had a hike this past Saturday and it was beyond amazing. The weather was perfect, the foliage was beautiful, and the view from the top of the mountain was amazing. We had a picnic at the top of the mountain, and during a lull in the conversation, I summoned all of my courage and asked her if she'd like to be my girlfriend. I was waiting for a more opportune time, but I guess I just got swept up in the moment and view. She smiled, laughed and said I was the corniest person alive for asking in such a cliché place, but she said that she loved corny and cliché. She said yes, and we sealed it with a kiss. On our way back, we finally stopped by the winery where Bob and Pam had their wedding and man it really was beautiful. It had panoramic views of the mountains, and the vineyard was very pretty. But I wasn't here for the view, I was here for some GODDAMN APPLE CIDER DONUTS. Funny enough, we got there kinda late and almost missed the fresh donuts for the day. Thankfully we got some of the last batches. God those donuts were absolutely delicious. We got two dozen each and and even got some apple filling cider donuts. The wait was worth it. Afterward we went back to her apartment and made dinner together. I've never had such an amazing date with a woman. It was just perfect. I didn't want to leave, but I couldn't be presumptuous. When I picked up my keys to go, she grabbed them from me and said and I quote: "if you seriously think you're leaving, then you're out of your fucking mind". I must have had the biggest smile on my face. So we spent the rest of the weekend together. We had a wonderful Sunday brunch, and a nice walk around our city holding hands going into stores and sightseeing. Unfortunately for me, we had to part last night because we had work in the morning. I was damn near in tears lol. This is going to sound dramatic as hell, but I've spent the last few hours at work being totally miserable that I'm not with Beth. It's like when you're in high school and you get your first boyfriend/girlfriend and you can't stand to be apart from each other. But you don't want sappy love stories, you're here for the drama. Well, me and Beth made it Instagram official on Sunday, and apparently Pam saw it on her sister's profile. She texted Beth on Sunday night, "how do you know OP?" She said, "Bob introduced us". Pam only replied with, "I knew this would happen". We figured that might mean trouble down the road, but we don't care, Pam can be as mad as she wants. This morning, I actually went up to Bob and thanked him for introducing me to Beth. He explained that he and Pam had a huge fight over him introducing us. He said he didn't care about it though, it was worth it just to get us together and was a "big FU" to Pam. I told him I'd buy him a round as a thank you, but he said don't worry about it, and that it was the least he could do. So that's it for this update. I'd like to hope that this is the end, but Pam seems pretty upset with us being together. Either way, I'm just so happy with Beth, she's a once in a lifetime kind of person. And rest assured I'll update if anything further happens. Peace and love. \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

AITA for telling people I wasn't invited to wedding?

REPOST

G1Gestalt

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1843d7p/aita_for_telling_people_i_wasnt_invited_to_wedding/

1843m4o

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ThrowAway\_abusedloli](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowAway_abusedloli/). She posted in r/relationship_advice and r/legaladvice, Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the recommendation. **Trigger Warnings:** >!sexual assault of a minor; abuse; PTSD!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!as happy of an ending as can be expected!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gz2l88/abusive_family_how_do_i_leave_safely_warning_for/)**: June 8, 2020** Okay so.. I created a throwaway for this story, of course I'm not going into full detail and I'm not really sure if this is the right area to place it. I had copied and pasted from the original area but was told to post here, so i did. Sorry, im on mobile. Ever since i was young, ive always been emotionally neglected by my family. One of my family members went into the military for 6 years and came back when i was 9. Thats when the horrid abuse started to happen. I was touched in places i shouldnt have been and was kissed by this family member. They tried to go further with this abuse but luckily.. it couldnt go far. My parents did nothing as this abuse went on and ive learnt to live with being groped and fondled if i were to even dare walk into the kitchen. I slowly became a shut in and my health declined both mentally and physically. By the time i was 13, we moved out and lived somewhere 2 hours away from my abuser and i was so happy! It didn't last long though. My abuser, as he's part of family, didn't pay rent and got evicted which made him move in with my parents and I. Ever since then it was just both physical abuse by punching, slapping, choking, and verbal berating from this tool. He's even gone as far to punch the wall were my face was and destroy a window in a fit of rage. As of now I'll be 18 soon but until then, how do i survive this? I feel so insecure and afraid to be in my household after a recent incident of abuse. (Which happened in front of my Father!) My parents tell me to "get along and suck it up" As well as "he's your family, why can't you get along?". They know my about abuse but not details of it. They still defend this man but not their only daughter. What can i do to speak out about it to them? I'll add details if needed but just to clarify, CPS was called 3 times and did nothing. ***Relevant Comments (on both legal advice and relationship advice):*** *Try to get evidence:* "I do have images still but most is mainly he said she said unfortunately because i know my father will not testify for me and my safety. My family refuses to listen to me and my pleas for justice, anger for my suffering, and emotional pain of locking my room and staying indoors to avoid his presence in this household. I know for a fact he wont go to jail and my family will hate me for "splitting the family apart". Obviously they dont care for me other than to use me as a slave for chores so I'm moving asap around my birthday." "My only proof is the cps around the years, medical hospital records, small therapy, and family witnesses. Idoubt they'll willingly tell the cops what happened considering they've made me lie to both the CPS and police to avoid being taken away and having the perv arrested. So essentially, it'd be my words against his. I've planned to move far from where i live. My friends accepted after me telling my abuse story in full detail." *Stay with friends:* "There is friends i can ask but I'm terrified to go to family in fear that my abuser will come with and drag me back. I don't have a job because my family kept my secluded outside of school. Cops have been called once before but they didn't do much because it was a noise complaint from a neighbor. I was blamed for the cops and was punished for it by my parents, so I've been disheartened by the police." *Night terrors:* "Yeah.. my friends say that i MIGHT have PTSD from how i describe my night terrors. Theyre almost constant and i cant sleep at night safely without my dog at my side or someone in a call with me to make sure im safe.. Im starting to sob from thinking about my nightmares.. thinking back of being in my old room.. to that night." *Run away:* "Id rather play it smart and wait until I'm 18 to run away." *Is it dangerous near you to run away?* "Very, considering crime has been spiking during the pandemic and the fact that my family can drive while im still being refused to do anything." **Small Update in** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gz2l88/abusive_family_how_do_i_leave_safely_warning_for/fuxaazn/?context=3)**: June 15, 2020** "I have friends that set up to move me out after a few days from my birthday. My relatives all live out of state and I'd honestly rather not live where my family will know where i am. I dont want to be dragged back to my abusers." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/17zd8f1/update_abusive_family_how_do_i_leave_safely/)**: November 19, 2023 (3.5 years later)** It's been a while, 3-4yrs to be exact. Nobody's asked me for an update but I don't mind doing one anyways. I escaped. It was hard at first, My parents didn't know what was going on and looked at my friends and then boyfriend with malice. My father even tried to come after them after shoving me off my porch twice in front of police. I struggled for years and eventually got a part-time job at subway, worked for 2ish years then broke up with my then boyfriend (26M) (possibly a story for later, and honestly I'm to blame for us breaking up.) I'm a lot happier now even though I'm poor out of my mind haha (but who isn't these days?) and I've found the love of my life. I don't get those hellish nightmares about my past anymore and I don't have to worry about my life being at risk. I talk to my family but I'm on strict low-contact with them and they now know of my past, what I've been though, how I feel about my abuser and protect me from him when on calls. Before i had left and moved out, I had wrote my parents a 4 page letter about my past and bits of pieces of my sexual, physical, emotional, neglectful and sometimes financial abuse at the hands of my elder brother, And yes, It was my brother. My abuse started when I was 9 years old and sexually ended at 12 but the abuse in those different categories never stopped. Not until I moved out. I'm now 21F, living with my boyfriend, T, (21M) and trying to get a job in the new area I'm in. I do miss my parents dearly, as they just wanted a happy nuclear family with the American dream but It didn't happen due to my brother and is twisted nature. Wish me luck out there.

Abusive Family: How do i leave safely? (3 year update)

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1843m4o/abusive_family_how_do_i_leave_safely_3_year_update/

1843mz3

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Wifestolethemoney](https://www.reddit.com/user/Wifestolethemoney/). He posted in r/TrueOffMyChest. The first parts of this post were made into a BORU by [u/prettiergenghis](https://www.reddit.com/user/prettiergenghis/). You can find that [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ztopcv/my_wife_stole_our_daughters_college_money_to_fund/). I changed a few formatting things and added relevant comments to the original posts. **The new update is marked with \*\*\*\*\*\*\*.** **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zl9d1d/my_wife_stole_our_daughters_college_money_to_fund/)**: December 13, 2022** **Title:** My wife stole our daughter's college money to fund her shopping addiction and wants me to take the blame I’m stuck in between a rock and a hard place and I don’t know what to do. And the problem is, I can’t discuss this with anyone I’m close with for privacy reasons. I’ve been with my wife Andrea\[48f\] and my stepdaughter Cassie\[17f\] for 8 years now. I love them both to death, but Cassie is a very brilliant young woman. Recognizing her potential, me and Andrea decided to put together a college fund for Cassie so she wouldn’t be crushed by debt. Over the years, it has amounted to over $200,000. Cassie is aware of this and is banking on it since she’s trying to get into the Ivy League. To make a long story short, last week, I found out that almost $170,000 dollars of the money was missing from the account. I freaked the fuck out and asked Andrea if she knew anything about it. She teared up and said that she had been spending the money over the years to fund her spending habit. I was furious, but I had a moment of clarity. I’ve browsed these subs enough to know that an affair was possible so I asked her if she was having one. She adamantly denied it and offered any proof I needed. Social media accounts, emails, her work phone, everything. She offered to show me the receipts as well. There was nothing that popped out as suspicious, and the math from the receipts added up as well so I let it go. But we still had the major problem of the money being gone. She described herself as a shopping addict, and the money from Cassie’s account was just too tempting not to use. She didn’t make excuses, but offered no solutions. As stated before, I was beyond furious. She ruined Cassie’s chances at going to college debt free and has changed the trajectory of her whole life. I had asked her to stay with her sister while I tried to figure this out. Cassie was concerned about why she was leaving, but we just said we needed a little bit of space. I asked Andrea to come back home yesterday and we had an extremely long discussion about how to handle this. She stopped me from talking and asked a favor of me. She asked if I could take a the fall for her. For context her and Cassie don’t get along for a variety of reasons, and knowing how independent Cassie is, she will probably leave right after college if not during. In fact, me and Cassie get along very well and she comes to me for a lot of her issues. Andrea fears this will permanently drive Cassie away and she doesn’t want to lose her. I told her that before we even talk about that, she needed to acknowledge her mistake and own it. She needed to go to individual therapy, we needed couples counseling, she needed to find a shopaholic support group and that I would be controlling the finances from now on. She said those terms were steep but fair. I said she needed to tell Cassie what she did, apologize and hope for the best. She refused and said she could never lose Cassie. She said I could survive the mistake, but she couldn’t. I told her that in order to even consider me taking the fall, she needs to agree to my terms. I don’t know what the hell to do. The last thing I want to do is lie to Cassie, but I don’t want Andrea and Cassie to split up forever. And the worst part about this whole thing is that Cassie’s life is ruined either way. And I don’t know how to replenish the money other than maybe borrowing from my 401k. Reddit do you have any suggestions? Divorce is always an option, but I love Andrea despite her mistakes, and me dating at age 52 is next to impossible. Edit: After everyone in here knocked some sense into me, I realized I can't lie to Cassie, I love her too much and she deserves the absolute truth, no matter how ugly and hard it is. I will be talking to Andrea and telling her that we need to tell her the truth together as a condition of us staying together, or else I will initiate divorce proceedings and tell Cassie anyway. Also, as someone suggested, I don't need her trying to flip the script on me so I'll record our interactions going forward. Thanks. **Edit 2 (Same Post): December 14, 2022 (Next Day)** I want to thank everyone here for really opening my eyes yesterday. You're all right, I need to put Cassie first and like I said, I'll be telling the absolute truth, even if she gets mad at me and disowns me at least I'll know I did the right thing. In addition, I'm going to pay for her college myself. I can pull money from a couple of places such as my retirement and inheritance so it'll be okay. If I have to live a little frugally during retirement and work a few extra years then so be it, Cassie is worth it. I honestly doubt her mother is going to sell her stuff so that's why I'm taking this route. As for Andrea, I've been criticized for wanting to let Andrea off the hook so to speak, but it's easy to say when really deep feelings aren't involved. That being said, I don't think I can stay with her, what she did is horrendous and she ruined our daughter's future for her addiction. We had a long discussion late last night and I threatened divorce unless she told Cassie the truth. She begged me not to do this, but I put my foot down, and eventually, she agreed, but only if I agreed not to divorce and I helped to repair their relationship. I likely won't be doing either, she made her bed so she can sleep in it. So if I have to update, I'll probably just make a whole new post, thanks a lot guys. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How could you not have noticed? Weren't you getting a 1099 and noticing less interest?* "To answer your question, I had really nothing to do with the account other than contributing money. I just took her word for it. She showed me statements from time to time so I had no reason to suspect anything. Plus we have separate finances, except for a joint account for household expenditures and bills. Although Cassie is my daughter, officially I'm only stepdad, so Andrea handles all matters related to her finances unless Cassie asks me for something directly. Also I wasn't the lone contributor, her grandparents on both sides contributed, as well as my own parents. I only discovered what was going on when my wife left a statement out in the open. I'm now believing she simply pocketed whatever money she got and doctored the statements. I knew the amount that was supposed to be there because a lot of the money came in the beginning. Her grandparents initially contributed $75,000, mine contributed another $30,000 and the amount that I added over the years." *Don't take from your savings to pay Cassie back- take from your wife's:* "I asked her to take money from her account to pay her back, she said protecting her retirement is important to her and that she could take out a loan since her credit is excellent. Surprisingly enough, she doesn't run up her credit cards, now I know how. Also I'm hesitant to do this, I understand everyone wants her to fry for this, and I do too. However, if I'm to stay with Andrea, I don't want her to have to continue working until she's dead, I would like to enjoy our retirement together. My retirement is very healthy, plus I have a few investments and an inheritance, I could survive the hit. The most important thing is Cassie gets to go to whatever school it is she wants and not have to worry about it. The comments are right, I'm not letting Andrea off the hook, she's going to pay for this and she will be telling Cassie." *Why Andrea and Cassie don't get along:* "Andrea is a widow, and Cassie took the death of her father very hard since she was so young. According to Andrea a lot of their problems started there out of grief and anger. Then Cassie grew up and she's developed into a bit of tomboy, Andrea is a kind of a "girly girl" and doesn't relate to Cassie dressing up tomboyish. They don't agree on much, Cassie wants to be an physicist, Andrea wants her to do something that has more money making potential. Plus there's usual teenage daughter and mother strife. They have screaming matches that I have to intervene in." [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zntdhv/update_my_wife_stole_our_daughters_college_money/) (17 Dec 22) **Update: My wife stole our daughter's college money to fund her shopping addiction and wants me to take the blame** I want to start this by thanking everyone who replied to me in the original post. You all showed me tough love and I appreciate that. I even appreciate those who were calling me a doormat, because like I said in the previous post, it woke me up. I won’t be staying with Andrea. She’s lied and manipulated me and Cassie for far too long for me to stay with her. The fact that she stole from me, Cassie and Cassie’s grandparents makes this as close to unforgivable as it gets. The most wronged party here is Cassie, she has an amazing future ahead of her and I refuse to let her future go to waste because my wife made such selfish choices. Also I’d like to take the time to answer some common questions, some of which I answered in the original post but I’ll post again here so everyone can see it. 1. Over half the money in the account came from Cassie’s grandparents, aka Andrea’s parents, Cassie’s bio dad’s parents, and my parents whom she also calls grandparents. This money came in the beginning, which is why I knew how much was supposed to be in there. 2. I never handled the account. Although I claim Cassie as my daughter, she is only my stepdaughter officially. As such, her mother handles all financial matters related to her. I simply gave her money to put in the account, and she showed me(probably doctored) statements. My belief is that she pocketed the cash whenever I gave her money. 3. I did notice all the stuff she was buying. She claimed that they were either on sale or because she got a work bonus. She makes a very good living, and I thought was responsible with money so I said alright. I did ask her why she needed so many Christian Louboutin shoes, she shrugged it off. And although people can’t wrap their heads around it, it’s VERY easy to spend $170,000. 4. A large chunk of the money went to buy a Mercedes, which I thought was a lease. She had a 7 year old Lexus that according to her, her friends were “laughing at”. Keeping up appearances for her wealthy friends is very important to her. 5. Cassie and Andrea do not get along for a variety of reasons. Allegedly Cassie takes a lot after her deceased father and Andrea can’t relate to her at all, or maybe doesn’t try hard enough. Cassie much prefers me to talk to. We have parent/child boundaries, but Cassie considers me one of her best friends(her words, not mine). 6. I realized taking the fall was her manipulating me, plus it would have opened me up to a crap ton of consequences that I don’t need to deal with. Plus honesty is always the best policy. 7. I wasn’t thinking properly in my last post, and was afraid to be alone and single. I guess I have some issues being alone that I need to address. Plus I really do love Andrea, we connect in a very deep way, but I’m still divorcing her. Oddly enough a comment that senior homes have chlamydia outbreaks for me laughing and made me realize that I could date again at this age. Plus you guys gave me some very nice compliments, so thank you for those. After my final update on the original post, I talked to Andrea deep into the night. She went back and forth with me on admitting to Cassie what she did. She said that she or even both of us could get loans and take care of the money then. I said she had a problem and she needed to make amends, which was a talking point from here. When I threatened her with divorce she agreed to tell her so long as I don’t divorce her, I guess she’s afraid of losing everything. That afternoon we sat Cassie down and told her the facts. She thought we were just kidding at first, but when she realized weren’t kidding she got extremely upset. I’ll spare you the details, but she and Andrea got into an extremely loud and vicious shouting match. Cassie called her some truly awful names and Andrea, while she didn’t curse at her, tried to defend herself but started getting angry at the names she was being called. They were so loud, the neighbors called the police, I had to awkwardly explain the situation to them while hoping they didn’t think I was some kind of wife beater. Cassie told Andrea that she never wanted to speak to her again, and that she never wanted a dime of her money and stormed off. I asked Andrea at this point to stay with her sister indefinitely while we give Cassie and me some space. She didn’t want to go, she fought me to stay, but I told her me and Cassie needed time apart from her. So she packed her stuff and went to her sister’s house. As for Cassie, she went to her room and locked the door. She let me in after I told her that her mother had left. She cried in my arms and expressed that her future was now ruined. I told her it wasn’t, that I would cover her college from my retirement, and that I would make it right. She doesn’t exactly know what a 401k is yet, but she told me that she doesn’t want me to work until I’m 90 like the people at Walmart just because of her. I just told her she’s worth it, and that you do stupid things for the people you love. She said that she would start looking for scholarships and maybe other schools where she could get a full ride since she has excellent grades and extra curriculars. I then admitted Andrea wanted me to take the fall for her and that I had considered it, but I came to my senses. She got upset with me and told me that would have been the stupidest thing I could have done. She said she wouldn’t have believed I did it anyway, and it only would have made her more upset at her mother. She told me that she doesn’t blame me and that she’s not mad at me for the money being gone, but she is mad that I’d want to cover for her mother. I apologized for that. We talked and cuddled for while longer before calling it a night. The next morning I get a call from Andrea’s parents asking if the story was true. Cassie had told them the story and they were calling to confirm, I had the voice recordings and bank statement to prove it. They were livid, but begged me not to leave Andrea for this, an to try and help her through her addiction. I told them I wasn’t sure about that yet and hung up. A while later my parents called and asked me about it, I confirmed. They were probably more mad than Cassie was all things considered, they’re threatening to press charges. I told them to calm down and that I would handle it. Cassie is doing okay, she’s still a little shell shocked, but she seems to be taking it as well as one could hope for. I made her pancakes this morning and that seemed to brighten her mood a bit. I asked her if she wants to do therapy, she said she’ll think about it. I will be doing therapy for myself. Andrea has been calling to talk, but I’m just letting it ring, so she’s leaving voicemail. She’s offering anything to make it right: money, sex, favors, you name it. But it’s not going to work. I feel horrible for Cassie, and especially so close to Christmas. I think in going to get her Billie Eilish tickets since that’s her god. It won’t make up for it at all, but it could go along way to helping her feel better. So that’s it for now, I guess I’ll update if anything further happens, but I think this is pretty much it. Thanks all, you’ve been a tremendous help. Edit: I forgot to add, I watch my credit like a hawk so there was nothing suspicious there, but it's going to locked. I'll be going to my accountant next week to have Andrea removed from everything meaningful. Life insurance, will, bank accounts, etc.... And I'll be adding Cassie. I've started changing passwords and the like so Andrea doesn't have access. I'm stringing Andrea along with non-divorce until my accounts are secure. Also from what I can tell, Cassie's credit is okay. But I'll be doing a deep scan and locking that as well. Edit 2: Fixed a line where I mixed up the names Edit 3: I can't believe I have to say this, but there's a few people saying it's "creepy" that I'm cuddling with my daughter. If sitting together with her crying on my shoulder and us talking is considered creepy then sure, I'm creepy. Leave it to the internet to make things weird I guess. And no I don't think I'm some hero. I'm just trying to do the right thing. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Splitting things in the divorce:* "We have a prenup since she has money as well so no fears there. We have separate finances and the only major asset we have is the house. I'm willing to buy out her half so I can own it fully." *Don't cash in your retirement- make Andrea sell her stuff:* "Sorry, forgot to put it in the post. She doesn't want to sell her stuff and is just offering to get a loan." *She shouldn't get a choice to not sell. You are letting this woman ruin your future- why is this worth it?* "The answer is Cassie. She's smart, wise beyond her years in some regards, but still a teenager in many others. She's very proud and refused her mother's money. I asked her if she wanted the car, she said no. Asked if she would be okay with her mother paying her back, she said no. Like I said in the post, she wants nothing to do with her mother anymore and that includes her money. That's probably just anger talking and I'm hoping cooler heads will prevail. But I think there's a part of her that's embracing the challenge of figuring this out on her own, or at least without her mother's money. As for me, if Andrea wants all that stuff so bad that she's choosing it over us, she can have it. We'll be great without her. So in a way she is paying for all that stuff, in the most precious way, with her marriage and most importantly her child." *You're letting her walk all over you:* "Maybe I'm wrong here, but I don't view it as her "walking all over me". She's lost her marriage, her daughter, her family is furious with her, and her friends will likely drop her when they hear what she's done, and realize she's not as wealthy as she appears to be. To me, that seems like real consequences. I'm a big fan of the Twilight Zone, and this seems like one of those endings where the person gets what they want, but doesn't realize what they had to give up to get it. She can have her possessions, it just cost her everything to get it. To quote Jake the Snake Roberts she's "a victim of her own greed, wallowing in the muck of her own avarice". Plus she'll likely end up getting sued by my parents anyway. And if Cassie decides she wants her money, then I'll support her fully in getting it. My retirement will be fine, let's just say my portfolio is very diverse and healthy. Plus I have an inheritance. I'm not bragging, just stating facts. Plus there is the chance Cassie gets a scholarship or assistance." **\*\*\*\*\*New Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/16buext/update_my_wife_stole_our_daughters_college_money/)**: September 6, 2023 (8.5 months later)\*\*\*\*\*** Hello everyone, It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, a lot has happened and truth be told I haven’t had the time to post an update here, but I finally have a quiet moment to give you an update. First, I want to thank everyone here for helping me at such a pivotal time in my life. After re-reading my original threads, I can’t believe how indecisive and weak I came off in them. The prospect of my marriage ending and dying alone really kind of shook me to my core, and thus made me come off that way. I started therapy and it made me realize that being single wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to me, in fact I’ve turned my loneliness into solitude and have taken the time to work on myself. And if that last sentence didn’t tip you off, then let me be the first to tell you that I’m single now. Me and Andrea are legally separated and currently in divorce mediation. Unfortunately Andrea is still very much in denial and is trying everything she can to get me back, including delaying the divorce as much as possible so that we can work on our marriage. She claims that she’s begun seeing a therapist who’s helped her see the problem she has and has gotten her on the path to recovery. I don’t know if I buy it, but I told her it’s a good thing if it’s true. She has also apologized to my parents, hers and her late husband’s parents for what she’s done and offered to pay back the money, they’ve all forgiven her, but are keeping her at an arms length. She’s been desperate to reconnect with Cassie, but Cassie has kept her word and decided to never speak to her mother again, or at least until she’s ready to. Andreas wealthy friends she was so desperate to impress have been around our house offering their help. They may be nosy busy bodies, but they were very nice to me and Cassie in the immediate aftermath of Andrea’s betrayal. They offered everything from a shoulder to cry on, to baked goods to spa dates. I only ever really took them up on the baked goods because I will never turn down homemade lemon bars and oatmeal raisin cookies. Cassie did take them up on spa dates, so there’s that. One woman in particular, Susan has been around more often than the others. While I feel like the other friends were prying for information, she seemed more genuine and just there to help me  and Cassie heal. She cooked meals for us, helped around the house and just spent a lot of quality time with me in particular. We didn’t ask, want or need her to do any of this for us, but she did it out of the kindness of her heart and I really appreciate it. We’ve gotten a lot closer in such a short time, and I truly consider her a friend. It’s actually amazing I could get along with someone who’s so much younger than me(14 years) usually I have a hard time connecting with younger people, even if they’re adults. But now we get to the most important part of this update: Cassie. As a cheer up Christmas gift I took her and one of her friends to Montreal last month to see her favorite artist Billie Eilish at this festival. She loved it, and Montreal is such a beautiful city to visit. All in all, she took the loss of her college fund pretty well. Cassie is a very hard working person, and she put her nose to the grindstone trying to find a scholarship. Unfortunately she missed the cutoff for most of the scholarships she could have qualified for, but the school of her choice is giving her a very generous financial aid package. In addition, she qualified for some local grants so she got her entire first year covered. And yes, Cassie did thankfully get into her school of choice, in fact she had many acceptance letters and full ride offers but she had her heart set on her school of choice. In fact, I dropped her off last week I’m extremely proud of her and I know she’ll do well. I’m an empty nester now all alone in this big house, and the silence is deafening, but Susan has been around to keep me company and I’ve taken up bike riding as a hobby. So all in all, things are okay, not great, but certainly better than before. And with that, I think I can put this saga to bed, the divorce will hopefully be finalized in the next few months and I can finally move on with my life. But the most important thing is that Cassie is fulfilling her dreams and potential and I couldn’t be happier about that.

New Update 9 months later: My wife stole our daughter's college money to fund her shopping addiction and wants me to take the blame.

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1843mz3/new_update_9_months_later_my_wife_stole_our/

1843p7t

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Necessary\_Light\_6626](https://www.reddit.com/user/Necessary_Light_6626/). She posted in r/AITAH Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the recommendation. **Trigger Warning:** >!child neglect!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!entitled people act entitled!< **For clarity's sake- the children in this story:** Luke- legally OOP's son (biologically OOP's nephew) Justin- biologically (and legally lol) OOP's son Emily- OOP's niece (Luke's biological sister, but legally his cousin) **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/166unh0/aita_for_telling_my_niece_that_her_brother_will/?share_id=wxfgwScmT6Sf9DJafcGZv&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)**: August 31, 2023** When I (43f) was 18 and when my sister (47) was 22f at the time had my nephew (let's call him Luke) with her then bf (now husband). My sister and her husband didn't have any interest in Luke when he was born so I took the role of taking care of him. I got my grandmother (she's an angel) to watch him while I was in my last year of highschool in exchange for me cleaning and cooking for her on the weekends. My parents weren't much help either, they would give me about $100 a month for Luke, and if you have a kid then you know it's not much. Me and my grandmother were the only ones to take care of him. A year after I graduated from highschool I was kicked out with my nephew because my parents, sister, and her husband didn't want to deal with us anymore. My sister said she wished she never gave birth to him. I immediately went to my grandmother and we went to a family law attorney and I got custody of him and my sister and her husband signed their rights to me. I lived with my grandmother and when I went to community college and my part-time job she watched my son (Luke). It was a lot of work especially when my grandmother passed away when my son was 6. My grandmother left 90% of her things to me in her will, which caused my parents and sister to reach out to me under false intentions to meet my son and I to reconnect. That didn't last long and I told them they could either act right or never see us again. My dad decided to actually reconnect with my son and I and now we're close, while my mom and I don't really talk much but she treats Luke nice. When Luke was 8 both me and my sister became pregnant and that's when my sister decided she wanted my son back and started to tell him that me and my husband wouldn't love him anymore once my "actual" son came along. My husband met my son when he was 5 and we were already together for a year before he met my son. My husband treats Luke like his and we got married when my son was 7 and adopted him when he was 9, with my son's permission. We found out that my sister was saying this when one day he broke down crying asking us not to leave him after we told him that would never happen. He explained what my sister and her husband were saying. Luke knows that he's not my biological son but he is my son. After that I cut contact with my sister and her husband again and did family therapy and individual therapy for my son. When I had my son (1 pregnancy, 2 children) I made it clear that our love for him (Luke) didn't change. When my sister reached out about two years later I decided to go low contact with her with the okay with my son and husband. My husband and I live comfortably while my sister and her husband struggle sometimes financially. My kids did extracurricular activities, got the presents they wanted, and went on one big family trip in the summer. While my sister and her husband couldn't afford much, so when my niece was around 9 my sister started making comments about how I needed to pay for this or that for my niece but I told her it wasn't my job. I gave my niece the gifts she wanted, took her out from time to time but nowhere near how I would treat my own kids. Now my son (2nd) is turning 17 and my husband and I were talking about getting him a cheap starter car. We did the same for Luke when he was 17. My niece is also turning 17 and apparently my sister told her she was going to get a car too. The thing is my sister can't afford to buy her a car so she asked me to but I told her I wasn't going to buy her a car. That I didn't promise her one and that it's not my job to get her one. My sister then got mad and didn't talk to me for a while. When my son's 17th birthday came around we surprised him with a car. My niece then called me a couple of days later screaming and crying asking me why I hate her and why I can't treat her the same as her brother. I calmly told her things were different, her brother is my son while she is my niece. I'm her aunt and nothing more, that as an aunt my job was birthday presents, Christmas presents, and showing up when it mattered, that was it. That her brother will always be more to me than she'll ever be. Then my niece started yelling at me again telling me that I'm being unfair and hung up. My sister then called me to berate me about how I need to do more, I told her if she wouldn't have promised a car to her or my money to my niece no of this wouldn't have happened. It's been a couple of days and I'm getting calls from some family and some of my sister's friends calling me a bitch and some other things. I do feel bad because my kids did grow up with more and I guess I could have helped more. So AITA for what I said to my niece? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why would courts allow a teenager to have custody?* "I was 19 when i got custody. With them fine with signing over their parental rights and I proving that I can provide for him gave the courts no reason to not give me custody. It was months of proving I could provide for him. I still had people come to my grandmother's house and see where we lived and to make sure that I could provide a safe and stable environment." *Why do you maintain a relationship with these people?* "Because she had my niece but mainly talking to my dad about it. It's why I maintained low contact, we only really talk when big holidays and birthdays come up." "I have very low contact with my sister as it is. The only time we're around each other is certain people's birthdays and big holidays. I always put my son first, it's why I never truly let her back into my life especially his. I make sure both my sons are happy and they make it perfectly clear when they don't want them around. That's why I didn't invite them to my son's birthday party. With the smart comments she makes she stopped until she found out I was going to give my second son a car then it started that's when I distanced my family from her more. Even back then when she made comments I put a stop to it. So don't tell me I don't have a spine because I stepped up at 18 to raise an amazing kid. Do you think I would really let my kid suffer, especially to the hand of someone like her. I don't care for my sister but I care for my niece. My niece and sister sadly come as a package deal." *Why do you have a relationship with dad?* "Because my dad truly tried and did change, he was actually there for my sons and me. After my dad was around for a while my mom wanted to get to know her my kids too and she made some changes too not as much as my dad but enough to were my husband and I felt comfortable. Just because they changed doesn't excuse the past, they still aren't trusted enough to where I ever let my kids alone with them. For my sister a year or two after my niece was born she became a little better but we still didn't really have a relationship and when we did have one it was only to talk about birthdays and big holidays. When she would make smart comments she would stop after my husband, dad, and I said something but she did it more after she found out I was getting my son a car." *Does niece know everything?* "My niece knows Luke is legally my son, I just don't think she knows how he legally became my son." *How tf are other family members calling you out?* "I think the extended family got told a different story. For the friends, my sister probably rallied them together. I think it's completely ridiculous especially when we can be civil about it instead of bringing everyone in." *More on sis:* "I don't know why she rejected him, her husband and her always chose to party and go out over him. They were never home and when they were they were asleep or ignoring him. I don't know what my niece's home life was like except they had financial problems off and on." *More on how Luke was treated:* "When I would come home from school he would be crying and covered in pee and poop, everyone would just ignore him. About a month of that is when I went to my grandmother and she brought him diapers and formula. This is also when my grandmother and I came up with the deal of her watching him while I'm in school and my part-time job and when I'm out of school or off he'll be with me." "My parents worked a lot so when they came home they didn't want to deal with a baby. They kicked us out because they were tired of Luke crying all the time and me asking for help to buy him diapers, formula, etc. They said that they were tired of giving me money for him ($100) a month." *How is Luke now?* "Luke is doing well, he graduated from college a little while ago and has amazing friends. He's starting a new job soon and he's looking forward to it." **Update** [Post](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16ee5v4/update_aita_for_telling_my_niece_that_her_brother/?share_id=UIszmcKgexlt1uqaU4djm&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **1 (preserved with rareddit): September 1, 2023 (Next Day)** Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate everything everyone had to say. First I want to set something straight, I never let my sister hurt my kids like some of y'all think. The low contact was for my niece and that's all it was. When birthdays were coming up, we would talk about birthdays or holidays. The conversation would consist of when I would pick up my niece (let's call her Emily), how long I would keep her and when I would drop her off back home. My sister never kept my kids, never been to my house, and never talked to them without me or my husband present. Now another reason for the civil relationship with my sister is because Emily and my second son (let's call him Justin) went to the same school. So any type of school event that was going on my sister was there. My kids and niece had a good relationship before the car situation. Justin and Emily had a close relationship, and Emily and Luke had a friendly relationship. I always made sure my kids were happy where my sister was in their life which is basically non existent except for some school events and some big family get together. Update Two days after Emily's call, I decided to call her to meet up with her. We decided to meet at a park that's a few minutes away from my home. When we met Emily seemed normal but a little bit tired. I told her I didn't mean to hurt her in any way but she needs to understand it's not my job because I'm not her parent. She said she understood that but she was jealous that her brother (Luke) and Justin got everything that they wanted. I told her that first Luke isn't her brother but a cousin. Second of all they don't get everything they want, they work for it. They get good grades, do chores, stay out of trouble for the most part. I then asked her the real reason for why she was acting this way, that she never had a problem before this. She then started crying saying it wasn't fair that Luke and Justin get everything they want while she gets barely anything. That Luke lucked out in life by being adopted by my husband and I. That she deserves to have what my sons have, that she is my family so I have to take care of her too. I told that she is part of my family but not my child. That I do love her but she's not my responsibility. I then asked her why she feels so strongly about it. She said that even though her parents do take good care of her she feels like she's just an obligation to them. When she sees how Luke and Justin were raised she gets jealous because in her eyes we don't look at the boys as an obligation. That we are a family that's always together and always works through problems and helps each other. That even though I stayed in her life and took her out with my family she always felt jealous that she had to be that one to leave. That she felt second place and since I took in Luke I should take her in with no problem. I told her that while I understand her feelings I'm not gonna treat her as my kid. I didn't raise her, but I do love her. That it's her parents job to get her a car or to help her get one. Then she got more upset saying that I clearly don't care about her and she left. I texted her saying that I do care for her but I'm not her mom and it's not my job. After I got home my husband and I talked and we decided to call my sister. I told her that my family and I are going full no contact. My sister then asked about how I'm going to get in contact with Emily, I told her Emily is almost an adult she can contact me if she wants. She then asked me if I was going to get Emily a car, I said no. I told her that it's her job, that she's her mother and needs to act like it. Emily needs her to be a mom and hung up the phone, blocked and deleted her number. The next day I got a call from my mom. She believes that I should give Emily some money for a car if I won't give her one. I told I wasn't going to do that and hung up because all it's going to do is cause a fight. I then called dad and explained everything and he thinks I'm right. Then my dad called asking if he could come over on Wednesday. When he showed up he was visibly upset, mom gave a big chunk of money out of my parents' retirement fund to my sister. This has caused my parents to have a huge fight which led my dad to packing a suitcase and staying in a motel for a bit. Now I'm no contact with my sister and mom, I'll be going low contact with my niece for now. Thank you again for the advice that everyone had given me. ***Relevant Comments:*** *On Emily deserving unconditional love:* "I didn't say she doesn't deserve unconditional love. Luke also doesn't see her as a sister but a cousin. To him the only sibling he has is Justin. I hope she gets the love she wants but I can't give it to her." "What do you think I should do then. I do love Emily but I don't see her as a daughter. To me I have two kids and that's it. Emily isn't my child, I do feel for her but I can't help her like she wants." "She's not unwanted, just because I don't want to be a motherly role for her doesn't mean she's unloved. She's loved by many people that are family and are not." *Luke and Emily's relationship:* "Luke has an okay relationship with Emily. They have a regular cousin relationship, Justin and Emily had a really close friendship. Luke doesn't think of her as a sister but as a cousin. Justin is the only sibling to him and that's how he feels. He knows what's going on and he agrees with me." "All their life they never had a problem with being cousins. This is the first time she called him her brother. Luke doesn't think of her as a sister at all to him he was one sibling and that's Justin." *Did she specifically ask you to act motherly toward her?* "She wants me to treat her how I treat my own kids" "She said she wants my family life for herself. Having dinner all together, going out on the weekend to have a family day, joining us for our yearly family vacation, she wants my husband and I to attend her school things, celebrate her like we celebrate our kids, she wants to come over more, to be an equal to our kids, overall she wants to be treated like how I treat my kids." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17yfisu/update_2_aita_for_telling_my_niece_that_her/?share_id=Svs9WajYXyNldISW5yRcQ&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **2: November 18, 2023 (2.5 months later)** About a week after the post I decided to talk to Emily. We decided to meet at my home. I asked everyone not to be home because I wanted her and I to talk privately. When she showed up she didn't really want to look at me and I asked her if I could give her a hug. She nodded her head and the minute I hugged her she cried. She said she was sorry for how she acted and I told her she didn't need to apologize. I asked her about how her parents treat her again to understand more about what's going on. She told me that her dad treats her well and he tries to spend time with her but he's busy because he works two jobs. While my sister is home more she usually just keeps to herself and doesn't really like to be bugged. I then asked her if she feels like she's been neglected, she said no just sometimes they don't have family time that much because her parents argue a lot especially about money. That sometimes her mom does make her feel like an obligation but she knows that they do love her. I then asked her about the money my mom took from the retirement fund. She said that she and my sister were going car shopping soon. I then brought up her calling Luke her brother and if she feels that way about him. She said she sees him like a cousin and she thought if she played the brother card I would feel inclined to help her. She then explained that even though they are biologically siblings they are cousins and will always be cousins. I then asked her if she knew how I ended up adopting Luke. She said that she knew and her dad had explained what they did. Apparently my sister sugar coated it while her dad told her the blunt truth and it was the complete truth that he told her. (Luke only sees her as a cousins also, to Luke only has one sibling and that's Justin) I then spoke to her about seeing a therapist that we would pay for (my husband agreed). She said she would think about it. I then asked her if she would like to do a fun day out with me on Saturdays. She got excited and said she would really like that. So that weekend we went on our first day out. We went to this restaurant that she's been wanting to try. We had a good time, I then took her to a bookstore because she loves to read and I bought her a couple of books that she's been wanting. When Emily and I were supposed to have our second weekend out I had to cancel because Justin ended up in the hospital. While at football practice he started wheezing a little bit and he took his inhaler but didn't wait the appropriate time. He then got tackled which knocked the wind out of him and caused him to have a bad asthma attack. This happened on a Friday and Justin stayed at the hospital till Sunday. Emily and I were supposed to go out Saturday and that morning I called her and told I had to cancel before I could tell her why she started yelling at me saying I never cared about her and hung up the phone. I tried calling her back but it went straight to voicemail. Then I sent her a text saying that I didn't mean to hurt her but Justin was in the hospital and that we can have our day next weekend. I never heard back from her. I gave up on reaching out to her after a couple of days. Two days ago, my family and I were out for a family night when my neighbors called saying that they called the cops because someone was vandalizing one of our cars. When we got home the cops were there and it was Justin's car. The car had scratches, little dents, and paint. There are two broken windows. My husband and I checked our security footage you could clearly see Emily and someone else vandalizing the car. My husband gave the video copy to the police and Emily and her friend got arrested next morning. My sister and mom came to my house screaming that I was ruining my nieces life and if I loved her I would drop the charges. My husband is admitted that we don't drop the charges and Justin and Luke agree with my husband. A lot of people have asked Luke's view on everything so I decided to talk to him. He said he's over everything and it's best to cut contact with everyone, even Emily, because she's just like her mom. So we are cutting contact with everyone except for my dad. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Someone follows up on the first post asking how OOP's family could be mad that she didn't get Emily a car:* "My husband and I make a good amount of money, were not rich but we live comfortably. When I first started having a relationship with Emily my sister would try to demand things from me especially when it came to money. When I wouldn't give in she'll try to get my mom to make me give into her, of course that would never work. Most of the time mom would stop when dad got involved. I'm sure my sister told a false narrative of me to her friends and some family members that I really don't talk to. My sister promised Emily a car, she's been wanting a car for awhile. When she didn't get one everything went into chaos. My sister decided to save herself by trying to blame me for Emily being upset." *What does your dad think of all of this?* "He's upset with Emily but not surprised by her. He agrees to press charges also and says not to back out of pressing charges. I think he's just tired and wants everything to calm down." *One more explanation for why OOP didn't cut contact before this:* "The reason for me having contact with my sister and niece is Justin and Emily went to the same school and had the same classes. Anytime I went to a school event my sister was there. I didn't want Justin to be in a hostile environment at school so I thought having a semi civil relationship would be best especially when Emily and Justin were making friends with the same people. I didn't want to move Justin out of the school because it's a very good school and he already loved it there. With my parents, we came in contact after my grandmother died and the will was read. That was when Luke was 6, my mom tried to be nice because I was left with 90% of my grandmother's things. My dad actually tried to have a relationship with everyone and he admitted his wrong doings. This took years to build up not just a simple "I'm sorry" and we were good."

AITA for telling my niece that her brother will always mean more to me than her and won't help more than what a normal Aunt would unlike did for her brother?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1843p7t/aita_for_telling_my_niece_that_her_brother_will/

184ep2i

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ButterscotchRare447 in r/Catholicism** trigger warnings: >!rape, abortion, religion, emotional abuse!< mood spoilers: >!sad!< **OP NOTE: A reminder to not harass the OOP or any commenters of the original posts.** --- &nbsp; [**My sister got an abortion and I can't see her the same anymore**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Catholicism/comments/176b9c9/my_sister_got_an_abortion_and_i_cant_see_her_the/) - October 12, 2023 Hey everyone, I'm using my throwaway account for this because my main has a lot of personal information. So around 2 weeks ago my sister got an abortion, and I can't see her the same anymore. Awhile before that, her and I were at the dinner table with our parents and she started crying. She'd been kind of depressed the last few weeks but hadn't talked about it until now. She said that awhile back she had been at a house party with some of her friends and was sexually assaulted by a group of boys. She didn't go into too much detail but she said that awhile after that she started to feel sick so she took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. She started sobbing and saying that she wanted to get an abortion, saying that she doesn't want to give birth and that she's been having nightmares about it. Our parents suggested taking her to a therapist or pursuing legal action but they both refused to let her kill a child, which I agree with. My parents kept trying to discuss things what to do next but my sister wouldnt listen, she just kept sobbing. For the next few days my sister really isolated herself. Every conversation she had with our parents eventually devolved into them trying to convince her to see a therapist while she begged (literally on her knees sometimes) for them to let her get an abortion. I tried talking to her and explaining that maybe the child is a blessing and that something good could come from all this. That just made her even more upset. She told me that she would rather kill herself than give birth to her rapists child. She said that it's unfair, that she's only 16, and that she doesn't understand why this is happening to her. A few days later she came to my parents and told them that she got an abortion. Apparently one of her "friends" had driven her to a place where she could kill the child. Our parents were furious and yelled at her for what she did. She begged them to forgive her and said that it was her only choice. (Which is ridiculous, our parents literally tried to give her other options but she still chose to kill a child) Our parents barely speak to her anymore, and I can tell it's making her severly depressed. Shes always been skinny but now she barely eats anything, only leaves her room for school, and her grades are steadily dropping. She says she just wants her mom and dad back, wants them to understand why she did it. I've tried my best to comfort her but every time I look at her I just think about how she murdered a child. What do I do? I want my sister back but I just can't see her the same way anymore. I know she's been through a lot but is that really an excuse? Isn't getting an abortion a sin no matter what? &nbsp; [**My sister got an abortion and I can't see her the same anymore. (Update)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Catholicism/comments/176oecm/my_sister_got_an_abortion_and_i_cant_see_her_the/) - October 12, 2023 Hello everyone. I'm the one that made that post a few hours ago about how my sister got an abortion after being sexually assaulted by a group of boys at a house party. If you haven't read it I would suggest you go do so, otherwise this post won't make sense. I recieved a lot of comments and messages. Some of them were thoughtful, kind, and helpful, most of them were from this subreddit. But a lot of the responses i got on r/prolife told me that my sister is a liar, whore, child murderer, that this is all her fault, and that my parents and I would be justified in never speaking to her again. But when I look at my sister I don't see any of these things. I see a scared 16 year old girl. I see the girl who helped me get over my stutter. I see the girl who protected me from being bullied for so many years. I see the girl who always convinced me that I was good enough. I see the girl who needs my help right now. I've spent a lot of the day talking with people on reddit chats and in comments about how to help her. And despite all the horrible things I've heard said about my sister today, there were a some nice things as well. I spent a good chunk of the evening talking with her and we both ended up crying about what happened. She gave me more details about what happened to her at the house party, details I won't share here, but what I will say is I wouldn't wish what she went through on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. I tried talking to our parents some more but they wouldn't listen to me. In their mind, what my sister did overshadows what happened to her. The more I think about it the more I realized they failed her when she first told them about what happened. They never comforted her, they just coldly gave her the option between therapy or legal action. And I think that was wrong of them. I feel like I failed my duty as a brother by being so quick to label her a monster like our parents have. And I'm trying to do everything in my power to make that up to her. As for how I feel about her abortion? I don't know. I still don't think it was right, but I understand why she did it. I understand why she felt she didn't have any other options. Thank you to everyone on this subreddit who was so kind and helpful. God bless all of you ❤️ **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My sister got an abortion and I can't see her the same anymore

CONCLUDED

Johannes_Chimp

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/184ep2i/my_sister_got_an_abortion_and_i_cant_see_her_the/

184raem

**I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/TheForeverThrowaway who originally posted to r/confessions and later posted to their profile with additional updates that never made it to BORU** Originally [posted](https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wtisog/oop_best_friend_transitions_from_mtf_love_ensues/) to BORU by u/Jschlings Trigger Warnings: >!Transphobia!< Mood Spoilers: >!Wholesome, Heartwarming!< New updates start below 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴 ----- &nbsp; [My best friend of 24 years (born a male) is now a transgender woman. I'm in love with her and not sure if I should tell her](https://old.reddit.com/user/TheForeverThrowaway/comments/xa94fb/my_best_friend_of_24_years_born_a_male_is_now_a/) - 20 Aug 2022 with updates made in the original post until 13 Sep 2022 &nbsp; My friend and I (both 24 years old) have been best friends our entire lives, we're practically brothers. Our parents grew up together, went to the same schools - so my friend and I were together ever since we were little babies. We've always had each other's back, protected one another, cared for each other - when the whole world felt like it was against us, the both of us knew we were always looking out for each other. My friend is an amazing person, someone I can go to and trust completely. I'm blessed to have this person in my life. My friend transitioned to a female a few months ago, she's completely physically a woman. She's been through hormone replacement therapy these past few years, seeing her becoming so much more happier is amazing to see. I'm absolutely proud of her! It's beautiful to see my friend now be so free, being comfortable with herself and always having the greatest smile on her face. But I'm falling for her, and these feelings aren't going away. I'll admit that I'm in love with my friend, the friend I've know for 24 years is who is stealing my heart and I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my friend, but my feelings of friendship for her are turning to romantic/sexual feelings & attraction. After my friend transitioned, we continued hanging out and talking like nothing changed. We continued going out to clubs/bars, the movies, restaurants, playing video games - nothing changed, we kept doing what we always did. During this time is when my feelings began to change, I started falling in love with her. You know what attracted me? Her, the way she is. My friend is now acting like herself, acting free and full of life - always laughing, dancing and being goofy. It hurts me, because this is someone I grew up with and I'm afraid my feelings are going to push her away or make this awkward. Like always I'm insanely happy being with my friend, but my feelings for her are killing me right now every time we're together again. I've fallen in love with her true self, her true self is absolutely beautiful. I've spoken to another close friend of mine about this, I just got made fun of. "Haha! You wanna fuck your bro, seriously?!" Is practically what I got. They didn't understand where I was coming from, they didn't understand what an insanely amazing person my friend is. This friend of mine feels it's "creepy" and "nasty" I'm falling for my best friend. They also aren't taking my friends transition seriously, which is another reason why they're acting immature. All he did was make fun of me, so ever since then I haven't spoken to anyone else about how I feel. Also, aside from being scared of losing my friend, I'm afraid of what our families will think. What happens if my friend and I do end up together, and our families suddenly start to panic. I'm afraid not only ruining my friendship, but the friendship our parents have with themselves for many years. Both of our families were completely supportive when my friend transitioned, not a single negative comment. Everyone is proud of her, and the love our families have for her hasn't changed at all. I feel I'm over thinking all of this, especially because being friends is very different than being in a serious relationship. If anything, our families would be insanely happy we're together and be so annoying hahaha. But I'm more worried on the negative response, which is why I believe I'm over thinking this whole thing. Plus, if I plan to even confess my feelings for her - I have to do it soon. She's always being asked out on dates, but she tells me she's looking for the right person to spend time with. I feel this is my opportunity to confess, but I don't know if I should. I don't just want to confess how I feel about her, I want an actual relationship with my friend. If any of you have some advice, please definitely share it! because I have no clue what to do. I'll love to tell my friend how I feel about her, but I don't want to lose or ruin our 24 year friendship. I also don't want to make it seem that I'm falling for her just because she's now a woman, I don't want her to feel that way at all. What do you all think I should do? I'll absolutely appreciate the advice/input, I'll greatly appreciate it so much. &nbsp; UPDATE#1: screw it! I'm going for it, I'm going to ask out my friend. It's Saturday, 1PM right now - I'm going to see if she wants to go on a date tonight. First off, wow! Thank you for giving me the motivation! Reading your comments has made me realize I shouldn't waste time, I need to go for it or I'm going to regret it. My plan is to take her out on a fun date, and I'll confess my feelings during the date. I might even show her this post, as I literally poured all my feelings in this post. She actually lives a few houses down the street, we live in the same neighborhood/street - that's why we're pretty much always together 24/7 every week. I'm going to message her to see if she's home so I can stop by, and while I'm there I'm going to ask her out. Wish me luck! I'll continue to update ya'll 😊 &nbsp; UPDATE# 2: I got a date tonight! I was insanely nervous walking to my friends house. but I can't stop smiling cause wow, I actually got a yes from my friend. One issue I had was where the date was going to be, I had no idea. But I remembered she loves this 80s bar/grill that has karaoke every night and tacos, so that's where we're going. So tonight it's going to be tacos, drinks, 80's music and karaoke - sounds like an awesome date! ❤️ I told her pretty relaxed, I didn't rush into it. Showed up, started talking like usual and that's when I asked her. Told her I would love to take her out on a date tonight, that I've been wanting to ask her out for the longest time. I definitely tried to hide my face from blushing, because she had a huge smile when I asked her out. She's even extra excited cause we're going to her favorite place. I feel asking her out has made her comfortable to flirt with me, she started complimenting me and even kissed me on the cheek before I left. She definitely felt more "intimate" if that makes sense. She even said she's going to get "extra pretty" for the date tonight. I'll admit, I'm really looking forward to that. Although it's impossible for her to get "extra pretty", seeing as she's already gotten already. I'm still shaking honestly, lol. The shakes are more shakes of excitement. I'm gonna pick her in 2-3 hours, so I'll definitely be getting ready soon. Haven't gone on a date in quite some time so I'm really looking forward for tonight - especially with the date being the girl really love. I'm still nervous, but it'll pass eventually. I'll keep you all updated! I'm not gonna leave ya'll hanging 😊 &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴 Tiny UPDATE (7:05PM, Aug 20) : I'm heading off to pick up my friend. I'm insanely excited, but really nervous. I'm sure it's going to go great! You probably won't hear from me for quite a few hours, or till tomorrow morning. I'll definitely reply to your comments when I return and continue to update ya'll. For now, I'm off to my date! Wish me luck 🙏 Wish you all an amazing Saturday! Talk to you soon. &nbsp; Tiny UPDATE # 2 (8:40AM, Aug 21): Hey everyone! So sorry I kept you all without an update, but the date actually ended at around 4 in the morning. All I'll say for now is wow! What an amazing night it was. It was really incredible. I'm gonna get up and I'll be posting the update soon! I wanna tell you how it all went. saw the comments how you all want updates, I definitely won't leave you hanging without them 😊 &nbsp; UPDATE # 3 (12:24PM, Aug 22): Hey everyone! Hope you're all doing great. Sorry for taking so long! I feel bad cause you all have been waiting all day yesterday for an update, I got a little too busy unfortunately. Had a family BBQ, so I was helping my dad set everything up throughout the day. I'm finally back, and here's the update you've all been wafting for! The date was absolutely amazing, i'll even say it was the greatest night ever! Spending time with the person I really love, doesn't get better than that. All this made me wish I had asked her out a long time ago, better late than never! I'm insanely happy I did ask her out. Like I said in the previous update how my friend was going to get "extra pretty", wow did she look beautiful. She was breathtaking. Had a lot of butterflies in my stomach. She had a red dress on, wore a blue shade of lipstick and had her hair tied back. She looked incredible, the most gorgeous girl in the bar we went to. My heart kept pounding though lol, cause whoa she looked stunning. Seeing as this was a date, I really wanted to flirt - so I kissed her on the cheek & told her she looked gorgeous. Seeing her smile and blush just made me blush as well, and I was definitely trying really hard not to screw anything up. I wanted to take things slow, I didn't want to make my friend feel uncomfortable at all. We got to her favorite bar, and from that moment every thing went perfectly. I didn't drink too much, as I was the designated driver. My friend though, she had an insanely fun time. She was jumping around, singing, dancing - she was having a blast, and it was great to see her having so much fun. Was kinda hard to keep her in one place haha, she was super hyper. Like I said, this is her favorite place. We enjoyed ourselves like if there was no one around, We talked alot as well, she really appreciated that I asked her out. I admitted I was pretty nervous about everything, but her being such a sweet person really lowered my nerves so much. All of you were right about her dropping hints at me, because she said she was dropping so many and I never caught on to them. I admit, I suck at stuff like that lol. We just laughed it off and were happy to actually finally be on a date. My biggest goal of the night was to kiss her, and she kept winking at me the entire night. I was being hesitant to kiss her, i was worried a kiss can be too much. This was me over thinking again, because she was pretty obvious about letting me kiss her. I feel she knew I was being hesitant, so she ended up kissing me and didn't hold back either. Wrapped her arms around me, and i did the same. From the moment we kissed, my nerves the rest of the night were completely gone. We didn't act like friends anymore, we acted alot more than that. We became more intimate with each other, i kept my arm wrapped around her waist, held her hand everywhere we went and she always kept her arm wrapped around mine. It felt really nice and I didn't want the night to end at all. We kissed a few more times throughout the night, any chance we had we'll give each other a kiss on the cheek or lips. Eventually we went back to her place, and that's when I decided to drink a little more as I was close to home. We just continued to sing and dance, acting like it wasn't already 1 in the morning. Like I said in the main post, we're gamers so we decided to continue the night drunkly playing just dance (I'm the king of that game, my friend would disagree). I ended up sleeping at my friends house, she didn't want me going off drunk - even though my house is actually a few houses away. The rest of the night was just fantastic, the entire night was the greatest I've ever had. I regret not asking her out sooner, imagine how incredible dates we would've already had. The following morning we woke up, went to go get some breakfast. We just laughed at all the dumb things we did last night. We still continued being super comfortable with each other, hugging, holding hands, keeping ourselves in each other's arms - none of us hesitated, we just continued to be how we were last night. We had to split up as I had to help my dad with a family BBQ, and my friend was meeting up with her mom. We kissed each other goodbye, and we've been non-stop texting ever since. The only word I can say is wow, that's literally all I can say. Wow, what a beautiful night it was. I didn't tell her my feelings, I felt our actions expressed our feelings perfectly. Eventually I'll tell her the things I said on this post, but for now it's going pretty great. Are we a thing now with how we're acting together? Haha like I said, I'm terrible at these things. One thing I'm curious about is if our families now, as my friend spent the day with her mom. Knowing my friend, she definitely told her mom. Knowing her mom, I have no doubt she told her husband - who will of course tell my parents about the date. I'm going to meet up with my friend tomorrow, so I'm really curious on what her mom said. Typing this update made chuckle, I'm just here remembering the date. It was so much fun, and I have a feeling there's going to be plenty more dates. I hope the update didn't disappoint! And I apologize if it's super long, but like I said I didn't want to disappoint you all. I wanted to give you a detailed update, I didn't put everything that happened but I feel what i typed definitely shows how everything went. It was long already, imagine how longer it'll be if i posted every detail. I hope you had an amazing weekend. I do plan to continue updating, especially because I'm definitely curious on what my friends mom thinks about the date. Hopefully that goes well! &nbsp; Tiny UPDATE (7:40PM, August 27): how's everyone doing? I hope you're all doing awesome, hope your weekend is going great! So my friends mom knows about the date, she had pretty great reaction to it. My friend said when she told her, her mom just celebrated haha - she was insanely happy for the both of us. She said her mom wanted to know every single detail, but also wasn't surprised that I asked her daughter out. Her mom had a huge feeling I liked her daughter, so she was very happy I finally asked her out. Of course her mom is now saying "when's the wedding?" to my friend constantly lol. I'm just insanely happy her mom is cheering us on. Her family, mine and some friends are all getting together tonight for a BBQ. I have no doubt my friends mom told her husband about the date - who definitely would've told my parents. Honestly i'm just not ready for when my mom finds out, she's going to be super happy but she's going to be asking me when's the wedding as well lol. I also plan to ask my friend out on another date tonight, and i want to ask about being in a serious relationship. I'll probably do that tomorrow, I feel tonight might be a busy with everyone around. I want to tell her I love her so much, I don't want to keep my feelings inside anymore. I want to tell her I've fallen in love with who she is, her true self. I want her to know what a beautiful, amazing woman she is. I'll love to do that tonight, but I'll hold it off for the next date. She's going to be at the BBQ tonight as well, so we'll definitely be spending time together. &nbsp; QUICK UPDATE (Saturday, September 3): Hey guys! Hope you're all doing awesome. I'll be posting a full on update tomorrow, some fun stuff has happened this whole week and I'll be sharing that with you all tomorrow. First off, things went well with our families! They thought it was super nice that we went on a date, but they're not surprised about us going on a date lol. Wow! My friend and I were teased so much, we're super happy that our parents reacted very positively to us going out. Some of you in the comments said our parents would've been very happy, especially because they grew up together - so my friend and I dating would be like bringing our families together, which I have a feeling our parents would love so much. Friends have their children fall in love with each other and possibly marry? I bet our families would be excited hahaha. And yes, we got ton of "when's the wedding" jokes. We've been getting a ton of those since my friend told her mom about the date lol. I have another date tonight, so I'll be heading off soon with my friend. I'll give you all a great update tomorrow! Till then, I hope you're all having an amazing weekend. Stay safe! ❤️ QUICK UPDATE (11:38PM, September 9): Hey everyone! I'm super sorry I didn't post the update, it got a bit busy this whole week. I hope you're all doing awesome! Wanted to let you all know I'm typing out the update, this might be the longest update I post haha. So much has happened since the BBQ August 27, and like I said - I did have another date last weekend. I want to share all that with you! I'll be posting the update soon! I'll be getting some work done real quick, and I'll hop right to it. Wanted to let you all know this, as you've been hoping for another update. I don't want to leave any of you hanging. Plus, you're absolutely going to LOVE this new update. I guarantee it. Also, I plan to start commenting back on comments. I feel bad I haven't replied to any, it's just there's so much. I want to say thank you all for the sweet comments ❤️ I do read them, and I plan to reply to plenty of you. I absolutely really appreciate the support and love you've given. You're all awesome! I wish nothing but the best in life for each and every one of you, you all have a great heart. &nbsp; IMPORTANT UPDATE (6:02PM) Hey everyone! I'm absolutely sorry about the previous post deleting, I have no idea what happened. I didn't delete the post, but I saw comments saying it was completely gone. I have no idea what even happened, but I don't think it can be undone. I'll be continuing the updates on here! I'll be posting another update soon, hope you stick around 🙏 Again, I apologize for the deletion. I'm incredibly confused about it, but at least I can continue on here. I'll be posting a new update soon! &nbsp; IMPORTANT UPDATE (Sep 13): Hey everyone! I hope you're all doing amazing :) I wanted to let you know about what I'm going to be doing next, about these updates. I'm going to make a new post on my reddit account tomorrow. I'm going to continue the updates there. I'm doing this just in case something happens in the future. Maybe this post ends up being so long it messes up, or deletes again - I'm doing this to be extra safe. So this new post will have all the new updates. This original post will be kept here of course, so everyone can continue to read it. I don't want another sudden deletion, so I'll do my best to avoid that. So I'll be posting the update I told you about tomorrow :) and it's a great update. Apologies for the long wait, got a little caught up lately. Hope you're all doing awesome! ----- &nbsp; There have been no further updates and OOP's account has been inactive following the final update **Reminder I am NOT OOP**

My best friend of 24 years (born a male) is now a transgender woman. I'm in love with her and not sure if I should tell her

NEW UPDATE

empathosynchrony

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/184raem/my_best_friend_of_24_years_born_a_male_is_now_a/

184v143

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/CandleQueen90 **My Neighbor** **Originally posted to** r/datingoverthirty **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!sexism/misogyny and bigotry!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/I63az2s1Ec) **Jan 13, 2022** I (31 F) have a neighbor… he’s really handsome, and so nice. When he first moved in, he introduced himself and asked if he could help with my yard work… the weeds were admittedly bad. I honestly figured he just wanted to be nice, and also didn’t want to look at my weeds every day. But he’s continued to do really nice things for me, like scrape my windows after it’s snowed. He’s never asked me out, or said much to make me think he was interested, except one time, when he brought me flowers on Father’s Day, saying “for the woman doing both roles.” I was so flattered, but also confused, because he hasn’t really made any efforts to get to know me. I don’t know how common buying flowers for someone you aren’t interested in is. But I thought maybe he was raised for a single mom or something? I just always wave, and the other day I went to ask if he scraped my windshield, and gave him a hug and thanked him. I told him I had a hard day that day, and that small gesture helped a lot. ANYWAYS he just liked me on Hinge. Haha, I guess he is interested after all. However….. do I really want to date my neighbor? It sounds like it could be really convenient….. or awkward. What if it doesn’t work out? I’m really attracted to him. He takes good care of his house, and my love language is acts of service, which he has done well already. But….. neighbors??? I don’t know. Also, feels like the universe is telling me something. Because I have been really interested in this other guy, but am hesitant because he lives 2 hours from me. Then my neighbor matches me. Which is now too close. Hahahaha can’t we find a medium? **UPDATE: We’ve been texting. He started hitting on me pretty quickly, and I kinda got hookup vibes from him. I asked him what he was looking for, and he said he isn’t looking for anything serious. But if I fall I love we’ll figure it out. (I felt like that comment was weird but from what I’ve gathered when we talked before, he has a playful and light sense of humor). Womp womp. But also…… maybe I’m okay with that?** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/bULgFmHBPQ) **Jan 14, 2022** HE AIN’T IT YOU GUYS. When he said he didn’t want anything serious, that was enough. But I did consider casual with him, because he’s attractive, and has been really kind and respectful in all of our interactions. I also am open to casual. I’ve been single for 8 years. Up until somewhat recently, casual was all I wanted. I’m fearful avoidant and do not relationship well. I think I am in a better place and am really hopeful I can navigate relationship territory, but I digress- casual is totally an option for me. THEN HE TEXTS ME THIS GEM: “So pansexual huh. You’re just a wild one. Here I was thinking you’re an innocent nerd who had a wild night and ended up with a child. I guess you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.” I’m a lil shocked, and don’t know where to even begin with this text, the offensiveness is layered. Needless to say, I will be pursuing nothing with neighbor. Now to plan a meet with Mr. Long Distance. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Impressive_Ad_1320** >Tell him you have no idea what he is talking about and just find kitchen pans very sexy **OOP replied** >>In the closet? No, I’m in the *cabinet* * **Plug-From-Oaxaca** >Damn he literally talked himself out of sex lol. * **lauraleipz** >Well good job he can help with the gardening as thats the only bush he gets to go near. **FINAL COMMENT FROM OOP** Next time he sees me when we are both outside, if he says “how are you?” I think I’m going to say something like “oh, just WILD.” Lmao **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My Neighbor

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/184v143/my_neighbor/

184v14m

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/throwaway4meeeeeee86 **Originally posted to** r/AmITheAsshole, r/EstrangedAdultChild, r/entitledparents, and their own profile. [Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/171wru2/aita_for_not_allowing_my_mother_to_bring_her/) **Editor’s Note: I have removed some relevant comments from the original BoRU as they have been covered in the newer updates** **New Update marked with** - - - Trigger Warnings: >!potential grooming, emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, domestic violence, alcoholism, advanced medical issues, psychological issues, institutionalization, minimizing mental illness before diagnosis!< Mood Spoilers: >!Hopeful for OOP, Tragic for Mother!< **RECAP** [AITA for not allowing my mother to bring her boyfriend I don't know or want to know to my wedding?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15zb0wx/aita_for_not_allowing_my_mother_to_bring_her/) - **Aug 23, 2023** I (33NB) am not close with my mother (55f) at all. She divorced my dad (60) when I was 7 and almost immediately married my stepfather "Mark" whom despite everything, I was close with. They remained married until I was 16. I was upset when she divorced him and went to live with my dad and stepmom. In my adult life, I've chosen to remain close to my stepdad and even attended his wedding to his current wife, who is a very nice woman. My dad and my stepmom are great people. Since her divorce to my stepdad, my mom has been in and out of relationships, each time claiming this guy is the love of her life until they do something she doesn't like and they aren't the love of her life anymore. Both divorces with my dad and my stepdad were for very petty reasons (dad, I think because he wouldn't allow her to get a new car because the budget was tight). I think the one that lasted the longest was 6 years and I think it's the current guy she's with, according to my sister. After I left home, she never did anything with me without her boyfriends. When I was 25, she broke up with her boyfriend and tried to cry to me about it. After working with my therapist, I set the boundary with my mother that if she wasn't willing to do anything with me without her boyfriend to not bother and I didn't want to talk about her love life. She was very hurt and we fell out for awhile but she came back around about a year later and has respected my rule since but we only get together about 3 or 4 times per year. I understand that my mom's relationships and love life are important to her so I respect that we don't get together often. Fast forward to this year, I'm getting married to my partner (35M) of a decade in October. It's a small intimate backyard wedding and reception/bbq. We live in a rural area and our backyard wedding will have roughly 40 people. My dad, stepmom, stepdad and his new wife have all been invited. My mom asked if she could bring her boyfriend, I said no because I don't know him. My mom asked if she could bring him to meet me so I could meet him before the wedding. I said no and that I still had no interest in meeting her boyfriends. She said she understood but she felt it was unfair that I wasn't allowing her a +1 to my wedding when my dad and my stepdad were allowed to bring their spouses. I told her that the difference was that I knew their spouses. She wanted to know why I was so adamant about refusing to get to know her boyfriend. I explained to her that I saw no need since she'd just break up with them and move on to someone else eventually as she has always done before. She started to cry and told me I was being unreasonable and treating her as if she's a wh**e. Both my fiance and my sister feel like I should suck it up for one day and let her bring her boyfriend so she can be comfortable there. I'm seriously considering it but I wanted to know if I'm TA here for sticking to my boundary at my wedding and what your thoughts are. UPDATE: After reading everything here, I've decided to email my mother and invite him. I was already leaning towards telling her that he can come when I posted. I decided to set some ground rules for my mother: 1. He is there as a +1 to my mother only. I made it clear to her that he is not my family and he is not my stepfather so I will appreciate her not telling other people at the wedding he is my stepfather. Mark is my stepfather and he will be there. 2. He is not to be in any family photos (in fairness, my stepdad Mark won't be in any family photos either, only my mom, dad, stepmom, and my siblings). 3. He is not to approach me at any point during the wedding and reception. 4. This does not change my previous boundaries. I'm only allowing him to come for her own comfort and to create a sense of fairness. I respect the fact she is in a relationship but that her love life has nothing to do with me and I wish to keep it that way. 5. I told my mother that these are my terms for him being at my wedding and my terms are final and that I hope she can respect the fact that I'm trying to be reasonable. I used this opportunity to remind her the reasons I put the boundary up in the first place. These reasons included forcing me to do activities with her shorter term boyfriends in the past, forcing me to only discuss her love life while showing no interest in my life, and putting her relationships above her own children. If she responds, I'll let everyone know. Update 2: My mom called me within 10 minutes of getting the email. She thanked me for allowing him to come and said they would abide by my terms. She said she felt really hurt that during her actions during her "mid-life crisis" are why I'm refusing to meet her current boyfriend (who she says she's been with for 7.5 years) and that she thought things would eventually calm down enough where I would be comfortable meeting him. She said she now realizes that it will never happen. I told her that I'm firm on my stance. I think she started to cry but she said she understood and only wants him there because being around my dad and stepdad and their "new" wives (my dad has been married for 23 years and my stepdad for 12) makes her anxious and he helps keep her calm. She said she respects my stance and said it's her own fault I feel this way. I felt this may be the start of a guilt trip so I politely ended the call. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **Additional comments to the post from OOP:** >**OP:** Update: I will update here since mods told me I was maxed on my post. > >I want to thank everyone here for commenting and giving their opinions. Without context, I think it's a little hard to understand why I'm the way I am towards my mother. This past has given me a chance to reflect on my own behavior towards my mother. The truth of it is, I find dealing with her to be exhausting and I want to explain to everyone why. > >1) My mom is a gold digger. And that isn't my dad or stepdad talking shit about my mom. They're classy guys and would never do that. This is my own conclusion. My mom said regarding both divorces "I'd still be married if [dad or stepdad] just gave me what I wanted." She's also tried to start fights with my stepmom because she realizes my brother and I prefer her over our actual mom. It's true, I'm closer with my stepmom. I go to her for all the mom things because she listens and cares. My stepmom doesn't make every thing about her. I believe my mom suffers from main character syndrome and expects to be the center of attention at every event and if she isn't, she gets drunk which leads me to my next point... > >2) My mom is an alcoholic. She was in a DUI 8 years ago and crashed into another car. Thank goodness no one was hurt. She doesn't drive anymore, lives in the city an hour away, and uses public transportation. But she still drinks a lot, at her height, she drank roughly 3 bottles of wine per day. I don't really know or care if it's more or less now. One of the other boundaries I set is I won't be around her if she's been drinking because that just stresses me out more. I'll be honest, I'm anticipating she's going to cause a drunken scene at my wedding. > >3) She slept with my brother's best friend 8 years ago when they were 21. This was a boy who my brother had known since pre-school and this ruined the friendship. 8 years on and my brother will never forgive her for it. My mom thinks my brother needs to get over himself and that she did nothing wrong. Technically speaking, she didn't do anything illegal and everyone was a consenting adult but it still felt so wrong that she slept with someone my brother was so close with. It's why I don't really want my partner around her. She dates younger guys. This current boyfriend is 10 years younger than her, which is a little better. I don't judge her for dating younger guys, that's okay. It's not okay to sleep with someone you watched grow up. > >This whole post helped me see just how exhausted I am by her. I realized I don't want to deal with her BS anymore. I also agree that I have maybe at times shown it by being TA and being unfair and unreasonable towards her. I just don't like myself when dealing with her. It puts me in a bad mood. However, the idea of having her more in my life makes me nauseous but I want to keep the peace with the larger family (grandparents, aunt, uncle, etc.). I've decided to take a page from my youngest brother's book and keep contact to just family functions. He's cordial to her at family events and keeps the peace when he's around her but he keeps his distance and won't see her outside of a family event. So I'm going to do the same. I realized she could get sober, go to therapy, and change her entire life around but I'm still going to see the woman who drinks all the time, sleeps with my brother's friend and just treats people like garbage. It's not fair to anyone; not me for having dealt with her, and not her if she ever did or was actively working hard to change her life. I do want to make sure she's taken care of, fine, and healthy but I also want to not be emotionally involved anymore. Figuring that out is above Reddit's paygrade. **Relevant Comments from OOP:** **Resident_Test_2107:** Honestly I think you need to distinguish the hurt you felt as a kid when she broke up with your 2 father figures from what would happen now if they broke up. You are an adult, not a kid. Her break ups are her business, and don’t impact you directly. Expecting someone to come to a wedding with her two exes there with their new wives is ALOT. Expecting her to suck it up to put you first feels like you are trying to play out some drama and feelings you have left over from feeling hurt/abandoned as a kid by her breaking up your home. Divorce happens, it sucks for the kids but so does an unhappy marriage. Feels like time to go back to therapy >**OP:** In my early 20s, she used to call me whenever she had a breakup and expected my sister and me to be emotionally supportive. She wouldn't spend time with me without her bfs around. She was insisting I meet some guy (who typically is a lot younger than her, like late 20s, or early 30s which good on her but still weird for me) she was dating for a few weeks. They'd break up after a year and she'd immediately find someone new. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. This was the pattern from when I was 19-25. I always had to spend time with both of them. All she would talk about is her relationship. She would never ask me about school, my job or my relationship. She's only met my partner twice. There's a lot more I can add about how my mom constantly prioritized her relationships over being a parent but they aren't pertinent to this story. > >She got with a really toxic guy when I was 24 who stole a bunch of money from her. We all warned her he was a scumbag but she didn't listen. After that, I told her I wanted nothing to do with her boyfriends going forward. She got really mad saying I was disrespectful and that any child should want to see her mother happy. But I just got tired of dealing with her relationship drama and I don't ever want to deal with it again. I'm sure the guy she's with is nice since he's been around this long but I'm just done. &nbsp; [I don't want to be around my mother but I want to be around family](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/163omu4/i_dont_want_to_be_around_my_mother_but_i_want_to/) - **Aug 28, 2023** I've decided to estrange myself from my mother. We haven't gotten along since I was 16 and the last several years have been really bad. We only get together about 2-4 times per year and it always ends with us fighting. I'm tired of it. I'll be honest. I've considered many times cutting contact with her but the one thing that's preventing me from fully severing ties is her parents - my grandparents. I love them very much and they are still hurting from my brother choosing to sever ties with her and keeping in low contact with that side of the family. My brother had valid reasons for doing this to her and he will get together with my grandparents if my mother isn't there but it's hard because they want to see him at the holidays and during special moments. I'm getting married in Oct and this will be the 1st event where my mom and brother are in the same area (I've told both of them to stay away from each other but I'm anticipating there will be drama because my mom doesn't like to hear she can't do something). I want to make it so we can see each other and be cordial at family events but not hang out otherwise. My youngest brother does something similar. I don't want to write her a letter because I fear that will cause more drama but I expect she'll eventually call and want to do something with me but I want to say no unless it's at a larger family function. How should I do this? &nbsp; [My mother thinks she's entitled to alcohol at my wedding](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/16qavjn/my_mother_thinks_shes_entitled_to_alcohol_at_my/) - **Sept 23, 2023** My fiance (35M) and I 33(NB) are getting married in two weeks in our backyard. We will be having a catering spead for our reception afterwards. We decided to have a dry wedding for two reasons: my mom is an alcoholic who is known for making a scene when she gets drunk and my fiance has a brother who binge drinks and has had alcohol poisoning on more than one occasion (he doesn't drink all the time but if he starts he can't stop until he either passes out or someone physically restrains him from getting more). I also have an Uncle (mom's brother) and a stepdad who are in recovery and don't need the temptation. Neither fiance and I are big drinkers so we decided to just avoid any problems and just have a dry wedding. We will will have a less dry reception party/honeymoon with some our friends later on. All of our families have been supportive, my uncle was especially grateful to us for doing this since he takes his recovery very seriously and has been 7 years sober. I sent out wedding invitations 4 months ago and said it would be a dry wedding and asked people not to bring alcohol. Now today I get this call from my mom, who I also sent an invitation to 4 months ago: Mom: Is it true you're not having alcohol at your wedding? Me: Yes. Fiance and I decided we didn't want alcohol during our special time. Mom: That's so silly. It's going to make your wedding boring. Me: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way but [fiance] and I have made our decision. We want everyone to feel comfortable at our wedding. Mom: Clearly, you don't care about my comfort! What if I want to have a little drink to pass the time? Me: Like you did at [A different Uncle]'s wedding where you got so drunk and made a horrible scene calling [Uncle]'s wife a golddigger? Mom: It wasn't my fault! They made the drinks there too strong. Me: Right...I really wish you would address this need to have alcohol wherever you go. Mom: I don't NEED to have alcohol. I just think your wedding will be boring without it. You want to have a fun wedding, don't you? Me: It will be a fun wedding. We don't need alcohol to have fun. Mom: This is so stupid. Why should everyone else be punished just to make it comfortable for a few people? It seems like you care more about [Uncle] and [Stepdad] than anyone else. Me: Or maybe I just want to avoid any scenes. Mom: I JUST TOLD YOU, THAT WASN'T MY FAULT! Me: Just like your DUI isn't your fault? Mom: How DARE you bring up that difficult time in my life. I was going through a lot emotionally. What the hell is wrong with you kids?! You need to mind your own business. If I want to drink, that's my business! Me: Well my wedding is my business. We do not want alcohol there. That's final. I can't stop you if you decide to pre-game my wedding but I've already made it clear to [uncles and brothers] that if you cause a scene, that you are to be made to leave. Mom (starts crying): Why do you kids hate me so much? What did I ever do to deserve to be treated like this by my children? Me: Are you really ready for me to go down that list? Mom: None of you understand! None of you will ever understand! I'm the mother of the bride, I should be treated better than this. Me: I think I've treated you pretty well during this process. I've acquiesced to your boyfriend whom I don't even know coming to my wedding. I've even given in to some of your other demands. So please tell me how you've been mistreated? Mom: You didn't invite me to go dress shopping! The mother of the bride always goes dress shopping with her daughter. I barely know [fiance] because you never bring him around me. How do I know that you're marrying the right person? Me: That's because [Aunt] made my dress. Mom (sarcastically): Well isn't that just special... Me (sighing): As for the rest, I think you know why. We aren't really close enough for you to have any say in who my significant other is. Honestly mom, I'm done with this conversation. If you really feel that strongly about this, I'll understand if you don't want to attend my wedding. Mom: OH I bet you'd like that wouldn't you? One way or another you will respect me as your mother! Me: Sure, mom. I'm hanging up now. Bye. Guys, I'm so livid right now. I have half a mind to uninvite her. I spoke to my dad and her brother. My uncle thinks her drinking is getting really bad again and has been wanting to hold an intervention. I told him I'm focused on the wedding right now but that I definitely agree this was out of line and something needs to be done. What do I do? I don't want her ruining my wedding but I'm so tired of dealing with this. Sorry this is probably above Reddit's pay grade but I just needed to vent. Update: I sent a text reiterating the rules. She said she knows where she isn't welcome and said she won't attend. My dad told me not to worry about this anymore and that he'll see to it she doesn't ruin my wedding. Update 2: I sent this text to my mom: Mother, At this point I'm going to officially uninvite you from my wedding. I'm not going to allow you to change your mind and I'd prefer it if you not come to my wedding at all given your poor behavior. At this point, I've decided I don't want any further contact with you unless you decide to curb your toxic behaviors and drinking. I wish you the best, I hope you can find a way to heal but I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry if this hurts you but I can't handle you in my life anymore. If you try to force the issue, I'll be forced to take legal action up to and including contacting law enforcement. Please don't contact me again. I went to delete her from my Facebook page only to find a post that she had just written saying how being a mother is a thankless job and how she doesn't understand how she raised rude and judgemental kids. She ended it by saying she hopes her kids get over themselves someday. I'm done. This sucks but it's been a long time coming. My head hurts. &nbsp; [Small update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway4meeeeeee86/comments/16r0vet/small_update/) - **Sept 24, 2023** Firstly, I want to thank everyone for the support. You have no idea how much your love and constructive comments mean to me. I'm glad I'm not alone. It's not a huge update. But I guess my grandparents and uncles have had enough. They've decided to stage an intervention next weekend. If she refuses to get help, she will no longer be welcomed at family events and she will no longer be part of the family. They told me not to worry about it. My sister will go as she's the only one of her children that even has a real relationship with her but even my sister said that if she doesn't get help, she will cut her off too. I'm hoping and praying this works but given that she spent 1 year in rehab and the second she was off probation chose to drink again doesn't give me a lot of hope. My dad told me he's hiring the local biker gang to act as security. We live in a small town and the nearest big city is about an hour away so it would really expensive to have a security company come out. I don't have a problem with that. This is the type of gang that helps out abused kids and animals and they do a lot of good where I live. The worst I've heard about them is they doled out some rural justice to a guy that was beating up the sister of one of the members and ran him out of town. When my mom got her DUI, she ran into someone's house and car (when she tried to back out, no one was hurt, thank goodness) and I guess it was the house of a relation of someone in the gang so they agreed to help and my dad is paying them to be security just in case. They know my family (one of my dad's cousins is a member) and they know my mom (I think she dated a guy in the gang at one point) and what to look out for. It may be moot if she ends up in rehab. I'm not stressing about her anymore. I have 13 days until my wedding. I'm going to focus on the final touches and just enjoy myself. My biological mom made her choices. Now that I've stood up for myself, I feel nothing but relief. My stepmom will be there and I see her more as my "real" mom so it's all fine. I've been through a lot of therapy already so I've had to make peace with how my actual mother is. &nbsp; [I'm officially estranged from my mother](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/16r170y/im_officially_estranged_from_my_mother/) - **Sept 24, 2023 (Same day)** Well it happened yesterday. I got into a fight with my mother and officially estranged myself from her. It sucks and I had a gnarly headache when I was done. Her drinking and behavior just proved too much and I had to univite her from my wedding. I feel sad it came to this but the most powerful feeling I have is relief. &nbsp; [Update: My mother thinks she's entitled to alcohol at my wedding](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/16wdimk/update_my_mother_thinks_shes_entitled_to_alcohol/) - **Sept 30, 2023** I didn't think I'd be back so soon, but it's my mom's world and we all just live in it. My mother got 911 called on her for domestic violence on Tuesday. She apparently started throwing wine bottles at her boyfriend who locked himself in the bathroom and called the cops while she destroyed their place in one of her temper tantrums. She wasn't making any sense when the cops got there so they restrained her and took her to a hospital. She's been stuck in the psychiatric ward ever since. My sister was listed as a contact for her and she got the call about mom on Wednesday. The doctors at the hospital spoke to my sister and they think she may be showing signs of alcohol related dementia and some sort of psychotic disorder like bipolar disorder. They currently have her in alcohol detox and from what my sister was told, it's pretty bad. They won't allow her visitors until she's out of detox, not that anyone really has a desire to visit her anymore. My sister and I decided enough was enough and we've petitioned a guardianship for her yesterday at the request of a social worker who interviewed my sister, my uncles, my grandparents, and myself. A guardianship means they can hold her while it winds through the system rather than her being released after 72 hours. My grandmother's upset as she thinks all of the issues should be kept in the family and the state shouldn't step in. My uncles and grandfather are on the side of having a guardianship. As far as they're concerned, she's not welcome in the family anymore and they won't allow her to continue to take advantage of anyone in the family anymore. My sister and I say let her be a professional's problem and let them figure out what to do with her. My brothers don't care and have effectively washed their hands of her years ago so their stance is whatever keeps her as far away as humanly possible. We can't deal with her anymore and why should we? With the guardianship petitioned, I'm working on washing my hands of this situation entirely. I'm sure I'll be interviewed about why a guardianship is necessary but other than that, I don't plan to have any further contact with my mom unless she apologizes and makes amends for her behavior, if that's something she's even capable of anymore. I just don't see that happening and any compassion or understanding I had for her in the past is gone. Whatever state her life is in, she brought it on herself. I just want to move on with my life without her in it and be done with her for good. It doesn't look like she'll be released from the hospital any time soon so there's no risk of her attending my wedding. I did talk to her boyfriend yesterday after sister and I filed our paperwork and we decided to invite him to lunch. He's decided to break up with her for good and we learned just how bad things were with her. He's a real nice guy who's been caught up in a bad situation and had no clue how bad she could be. I feel really bad for him. I did decide to invite him to my wedding as I can tell he's a lonely dude who's been to hell and back. Not sure he'll show but the offer is there. There was a time I'd have allowed an event like this to ruin the run up to the wedding but I've been able to separate my mom's behavior from the wedding. It hasn't put a damper on it. Now that my mom is squared away, I can enjoy myself. I just put the final touches on the catering order and am expecting the last of my supplies. My aunt wants to put the final touches on my wedding attire. If I haven't mentioned, both fiance and I are huge steampunk fans and so we're wearing steampunk attire and encouraging everyone else to dress in steampunk (not required, though). My "wedding dress" is actually more of a suit situation but it looks bad ass. I don't think I'll update again as I want to put all of this behind me and I don't plan to have any contact with my mother going forward. I'm looking forward to a bright future with my husband. My mom can stay in the past and as cold and heartless as it sounds, I'm glad she's not going to be my family's problem anymore. &nbsp; [Post-wedding update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway4meeeeeee86/comments/1744oi5/postwedding_update/?share_id=ztHb-zBzD3Mkm6rrDxyOH&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Oct 9, 2023** I just signed into this account again with a lot of people begging for updates. I don't have a lot. I guess my entire story is now in the best of Reddit. Thanks, I guess. I never knew dealing with my alcoholic mother was worthy of a best of post. I just wanted to rant and sanity check myself. Only news on my mother is she's out of detox and currently in a "catatonic state" refusing to speak, eat, or drink water. They may install a feeding tube if she doesn't let up. I think she's trying to be dramatic and get attention, so do my uncles. I could be wrong, but honestly I don't care anymore. We're not sure she has dementia but she definitely has something going on but doing any kind of evaluation while she acts like this is difficult. She also has liver disease, needs dialysis and possibly even a transplant (if she qualifies). The doctors made it very clear if she doesn't quit drinking, she will die within the next 5 years and it may even still be too late. I think I'd feel more sad but I've had to realize that I lost my mother long ago. I did invite my mom's boyfriend but he chose not to come. He's decided to get help for his own alcohol issues, according my sister. I wish him the best. As for the wedding, I'm now happily married and on Wednesday I took a pregnancy test that came back positive. We're super excited but haven't told anyone in our family yet. The wedding was fantastic and the day went off without a hitch. We had a blast and are heading out on our honeymoon on Wednesday to Costa Rica. My brothers and stepbrothers very sweetly hazed my husband during the at-home bachelor party and made it clear they're excited to have another brother. My stepmom did all of the mom stuff during the wedding. That was already planned before all of this. No one snuck in alcohol, there weren't any scenes. The worst that happened was my sister crying due to all of the stress she's been under. I do have some sympathy but most of it is self-inflicted though because she enables. But all in all, it was a great day and I was surrounded by those I love most. I know a lot of people asked for pics on my wedding suit. I will see if there's some way I can crop identifying stuff from it and post it here once I get my wedding pictures back. Otherwise, I'll figure out a way to post the outfits themselves. That's all I have. I'll try and update after my honeymoon. Now it seems like baby is coming so no promises. &nbsp; --- # NEW UPDATES [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17q7to6/aita_for_not_letting_my_ill_mother_move_in/) - **Nov 7, 2023** I guess this is an update for anyone who's read my previous posts. Along with another AITA question. My (33NB) mother (55f) had a meltdown that resulted in her being arrested and hospitalized. At the urging of the social worker at the hospital, we found a 3rd party willing to serve as my mother's guardian and filed a petition for guardianship. She is going on disability and will be on disability for the rest of her life. She recently was put into a long term psychiatric group home. She's been diagnosed with Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome with encephalopathy (per the MRI, she's lost quite a bit of grey matter) and liver disease. She's 55 and even with liver dialysis, it's unlikely she'll see 60 and she is unlikely to be eligible for a transplant unless the lack of alcohol causes her dementia to be reversed (and it'll be a year before we know if there's any sign of that). Even though I'm pregnant with my first, I've decided to be the main point of contact with the guardian. I feel it's my duty as the eldest child. The problem is my grandma really wants her to come live with them and it's causing conflict with my granddad who keeps telling her to back off and that we should listen to the experts. My grandma means well and is an immigrant. She comes from a country where care for someone always falls to the family and government involvement would be bad (and for the record, we live in the US). She's becoming more and more insistent that someone in the family should care for her. My granddad says they're too old (in their 80s) and he's been angry because he believes my mother did this to herself. I think it's just his way of dealing with the situation and handling grief. He refuses to visit her and my grandmother can only visit if one of my uncles visits. My grandmother is insisting that my sister or myself should allow my mother to move in and take care of her. She even offered to move in too to help. I told her no, and that I had to focus on my growing family and I don't have the time and the resources to take her to dialysis and her medical appointments nor do I want to handle the conflict when my mother refuses to do something. If my mother decides to drink or has an episode, I don't want my LO to be around that. My sister feels similarly and wants to put the focus on her 2 kids and feels like she enabled my mother a lot already. My grandmother did not take the news well. Now I got a few of my cousins calling me and saying family should care for family, my mom care for me as best as she could and now it's my turn to care for her. Normally, I'd never allow this kind of thing to get to me but the pregnancy hormones are kicking in and I feel awful. AITA for refusing to care for my mother and letting a 3rd party be her guardian? ETA: One thing I didn't mention is that it's currently kind of an open secret in my family that I'm pregnant. I haven't officially announced anything because I'm only 9 weeks along. I don't want to announce until the 2nd trimester but family members are convinced and I think my grandma suspects this is the reason for my reluctance (she knows we've been trying). I also wanted to say, I love my grandma but she is hurting right now over this and feels like she's failed her daughter. I'm trying to be as patient as humanly possible with her. I'm getting to my limit but I don't want to yell at my 80+ y/o grandmother. There is a court date to make the guardianship official on Friday. I spoke with the guardian this morning about my grandmother and that she objects to the guardianship. She suggested my sister and I sitting down with my grandmother, the social worker, and doctor where my mom is at and addressing her concerns and working out a schedule for my grandmother to visit twice per week. She's trying to set that up after the court hearing on Friday. The cousins in question are nosy busy bodies and I don't like them. They're the product from my uncle's previous marriage to a religious zealot that I hated and she hated our family. I had no problem telling their father what had occurred and screenshot the text messages. He yelled at them saying that my mother's condition is too severe for her to live with anyone and that they need to stay out of it and mind their business. I told them where to stick it and not to contact my sister or me about this again. I let my hormones get to me yesterday, I think. I'll try to update this weekend. Reddit has become a major sanity check for me. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway4meeeeeee86/comments/17w1mmd/my_hopefully_last_update_about_my_mother/) - **Nov 15, 2023** We had the court date. My mother is officially under a guardianship. My grandmother did lodge an official objection to the guardianship and said her piece. She was shut down by the judge who said the amount of care and security my mother needs is an undue burden on family and straight up said, family was deemed incapable of caring for my mother by hospital social workers before she was transferred to rehab. He also said if my mother were deemed competent she could be looking at felony domestic violence charges. My grandma was mad and almost had to be ejected from the courtroom but she calmed down. The next day my sister and I took my grandma to the hospital my mom is at. She's currently in rehab/psychiatric hospital and will be here for at least the next year and possibly for good depending how the next year goes. Her attending physician and social worker was there along with the guardian (and I discovered they came in on a weekend just to meet with us, that was very nice of them). My grandmother didn't really object to her being at this facility and knew my mom needed help. It basically became an intervention/come to Jesus moment with my grandma. With the guardian's permission, they sat down and explained all of my mother's health problems. They even went so far as to show my grandma the picture of a normal liver and the MRI scan of my mom's liver. They did the same with her brain. The guardian also sat down and listed just how much legal trouble my mom had been getting herself into the past two years and even my sister and I were shocked as we didn't know just how many brushes with the law my mom had but they had become almost monthly occurrences. I ended up telling her what some of the fine folks of Reddit told me. That neither my sister or I can keep her safe. What if she becomes aggressive or violent? What if she hurt my sister's kids? We cannot make our places secure enough to stay there and the only way my mother's life even have a chance at being saved is if she quits drinking. If she lives with us, we cannot guarantee she won't drink. That staff here are better equipped to handle all of her issues. All of us were very clear that none of this is grandma's fault and mom is reaping the consequences for her own choices. Next up was probably the most heartbreaking part for my grandma. She saw my mother for the first time since all of this happened. Now I may have mentioned that my mom was in a catatonic state when she was hospitalized. She still kind of goes in and out of that state. I didn't take it very seriously at the time, but it's still an ongoing issue and some days she winds up back in that state and other days she is more active. That day, she was definitely more subdued and very quiet. For anyone who knows anything about WKS, she basically is living in a 50 First Dates scenario. She has a day, goes to sleep, wakes up, and has no memory of the day before. I can only imagine how scary it is for her. A staff member basically has to remind her day in and day out where she is and how she wound up in there. They keep a copy of the police report on her nightstand. She still is very confused a lot of the time and also getting used to being on medication for her Bipolar Disorder too. We've seen a lot of improvements since she started liver dialysis so we're somewhat hopeful she will get a little better in time. She's lost some weight but looks way less put together and haggard. Her skin looks less yellow but she is very pale. She was sitting and trying to write when we came. My grandma broke down when she saw her. My mother cried too and kept repeating I'm sorry. My sister and I decided to let them have some alone time together and grabbed lunch across the street. When we came back half an hour later we told my grandma we had to get going and leave but we'd bring her back next week. My mom asked when she could leave and it was my grandma who said, "Honey, you'll need to stay here for awhile. Everyone here just wants to help. But in order for you to get better, you have to stay here." My mom seemed sad and looked like she was about to cry again but nodded her head. My sister and I gave her a hug but I think she's mad at us. One thing we learned is that she thinks her kids put her here. If she wants to be mad at us, that's fine. Not even the second Grandma got situated in the backseat of our car, she broke down hard. She was sobbing the entire way back. I felt so bad for her. My sister sat back there holding her while I drove back to Grandma and Grandpa's house. We stayed with Grandma for a bit as my Grandpa gets agitated by too much emotion. She apologized for her behavior and for trying to force us to care for her. She realizes now how bad off my mom is and understands she's where she needs to be. She was sad but doing better by the time we left. My Grandpa said he and my uncle will take her to visit on Tuesday and I took some further advice and suggested we set up a schedule for grandma to visit two times per week. My sister and I agreed we will take her there once per month each as that's the most we can handle. Anyways, I really hope this is my last update about my mother. What happens now, no one knows but she is safe and can't hurt me or anyone anymore. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

[New Update] - AITA for not allowing my mother to bring her boyfriend I don't know or want to know to my wedding?

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/184v14m/new_update_aita_for_not_allowing_my_mother_to/

184v1ht

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Sea-Mycologist-9715 **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **AITA for my wedding date?** Trigger Warnings: >!verbal abuse, manipulation, possible emotional neglect, parental favoritism!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jtb9q/aita_for_my_wedding_date/) - **Oct 30, 2023** I (33F) am getting married soon.On January 1 of this year, I announced to my mother and sister (37F) the date of my wedding- 11/11. I wanted a fall wedding-the leaves to be changing andto be cool outside. We chose Nov. With the holidays and whatnot, there were only 2 Saturdays in November that made sense.Fiancé chose the 11th, because it's indicative of our dating anniversary. So it was decided, 11/11.I announce the date to my family. My sis became upset. 1. Her favorite band sings a song that's called 11:11, so she has it tattooed on her. 2. She was engaged to some guy like 15 years ago. They didn't get married, but they were supposed to get married on 11/11 (I had completely forgotten). 3. It's a week before her wedding anniversaryShe was upset because 11/11 is "her thing", and it felt like a slap in the face that I would get married a week before she did, years ago.My sis and I have a tumultuous relationship. The last fight we got into was at my birthday 2 years ago. We had discussed having a family dinner I ended up inviting some friends. Fiancé wanted it to be special and about 10-12 people ended up being there. Sister was pissed because, if she had known there were going to be other people there, she wouldn't have come because she didn't feel well. I told her she was never obligated to come and I didn't think I needed to make her aware of the guest list. Anyway, we ended up not talking for a while but because my sister is stubborn (she has never apologized, doesn't take blame) I eventually just let it go, to appease my mother.So, when I found out she was pissed about the date i chose for my wedding, I wasn't having it. I worked really hard the last several years to establish boundaries eith family and friends, and to not be steamrolled. I was hurt my sister made my wedding about her.She told me that I took "her thing" and as a result she wasn't going to be in the country for my wedding (she booked a trip). It's now been 10 months. Her and I have had limited interaction. My mom says to start the conversation with my sister and to let things go because "we all know how your sister can be". Mom said I should have ASKED my sis first if it was ok to choose that day, and I could have approached the subject delicately. This was mind-blowing to me, because my mother and I have to walk on eggshells with my sister. Over the year they've discussed how I could have done things differently, or why it couldn't have been this day or that day.My wedding is 2 weeks away and my sis and I haven't talked. I didn't send her an invite bc she has not apologized and already said she wouldn't be going. I see no reason to have to initiate the convo like always,strengthening the pattern of letting her get her way. It has been heartbreaking to not have my sis there for my activities, and it hurts to know that her pride got in the way of spending time with me. But for once in my life I want to stand strong and say I deserve better. Edit- told Mom about this post and responses She's unphased **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **CarefulNow-:** NTA. But what is your mum going to do? She clearly favours stompy sister. Is she going to ruin your wedding too? She’s already doing a good job in the run up to it. Who are all the people giving you shit? I would be having thoughts about how involved I would want them in my life going forward. Sorry your wedding is being marred like this. >**OP:** My mother and I have a sordid relationship. She's not great about respecting my boundaries, but when I spoke to her last week she did the, "I'm sorry I'm a terrible mother" bit &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ztc3s/update_aita_for_my_wedding_date/?share_id=ULlbDQtRqKiXzj2F61QzV&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 20, 2023** Update: The day before my wedding, Friday the 10th, my mother came over to my house to help me put some last minute things together. She texted my sister when she arrived saying "just got your sister's, ttyl." My sister responded with "have fun lolol" and followed it up with another text saying "dumb wedding". Coincidentally, my mother was showing me something on her phone when my sister texted that. Sister tried to immediately delete, which is something I guess iPhones can do to each other? I give my mom back her phone and at this point I'm so angry I can't sit. I'm pacing around the house. Since the 'dumb wedding' message had disappeared, my mother almost didn't believe it happened. She texted my sister and asked if she said that. Sister admitted it. Mother asked why she would say something like that, and that I saw it. My sister's response was "whelp." Then wanted to know HOW I saw it. My anger has turned into sadness and I started crying. I told my mother that it was bullshit to be treated this way by my sister who is close to 40. My mother told my sister I was very upset, and said to stop acting 'silly'. The entire day I spent in a funk. Years of trauma and abuse make me susceptible to other people's emotions and thoughts and I have a hard time snapping out of it (not just family but a horribly fucked up first marriage). I'm also trying to rack my brain and figure out genuinely why I deserve this. At one point, we were at the venue with my mother-in-law who asked me what was wrong. My mother interrupted and said I was tired and winked at me. Later I told my MIL the truth. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed, and I'm not going to lie to protect my sister. When my mother and sister spoke later that night, my sister tried to change her story. She said that I took it wrong and she meant expensive weddings are dumb. But she has no idea how much money I've spent on the wedding or any of the details. And come on, if that's what she meant she would have clarified immediately. My mother seemed to sort of believe her bullshit excuse. Wedding day came, never heard from my sister. The wedding was gorgeous and I'm honestly relieved she wasn't there. Extended family came into town and my sister scheduled dinner with them the day before the wedding to make sure she could see them, which annoyed me. It's been over a week and I still haven't heard from her. It further cements my decision to cut things off and not relent, because she knew I was upset and crying about what she said, and she still couldn't reach out to me to set things straight. Sadly, my mother DID tell her about some of the details of the wedding. She claims she didn't send any pictures. I was upset because I clearly told mom not to give any info about it. But it is what it is. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Commentator asks if OOP has been in therapy to deal with the trauma and abuse she experienced** >**OP:** I am in therapy, yes. I've been in CBT on and off for almost a decade but half of that I was with my abuser. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for my wedding date?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/184v1ht/aita_for_my_wedding_date/

184v1my

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/throwaway9216890](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway9216890/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole Please remember the **no brigading rule** and please keep the comment section civil. **Trigger Warning:** >!death of a partent; discussions of heavy grief!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad and bittersweet!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17rnnxj/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_moms_funeral/)**: November 9, 2023** My (14M) mom died just over a week ago and her funeral is in 3 days. I don't want to go to the funeral I don't see the point all its gonna do is confirm that shes not coming back. This is probably gonna make me sound insane but if I go then that means she is dead and definitely never coming back but if I don't go then she might not be dead and she might still come back. So I just think it's way better if I don't go. Plus if I go I might start being sad and not doing anything like my dad is so by not going it's actually way better for my mental health because at the moment I feel fine like obviously I miss her but I'm okay about it. I told my dad 2 days ago that I'm not going and he got really annoyed. He said that I'd regret it in the future and I should just say bye to her. I told him it was a really easy decision to make and that just made him way more angrier. He told a few family members and they've all been trying to convince me to go to the funeral and some of them are saying I don't care about my mom because I haven't reacted about her not being here at all. It doesn't mean I don't care though, I just don't really feel anything. am I the asshole? edit: thank you so much for all of the replies they're helping me out a lot thank you ❤️ ***Relevant Comments:*** *This lovely top comment and OOP's response:* Commenter: "NTA. Hi! I’m a therapist so I here are my clinical thoughts. You’re right, by not going to the funeral, you can delay the devastating sadness. But it’s just a delay, and that delay could be a day, a week, or a month, but trust that it’s going to hit you. The grieving and sadness are non-negotiable. Funerals are meant to be a chance to say goodbye, to grieve with other people who loved your mom, and to provide a space to unapologetically feel (or not feel) everything. The funeral is for you, to start moving through the emotions that come with this. I’m so sorry for your loss. You don’t have to go, but if your reason is to pretend and ignore, that won’t last very long." OOP: "alright thank you so much ❤️" *Most of OOP's responses are like this:* "okay thank you so much I don't really know what I'm gonna do but the replies helped me out a lot thank you. I'm sorry for your losses" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17zm1a7/update_aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_moms_funeral/)**: November 20, 2023 (11 days later)** So, I did go to my moms funeral. It was about a week ago now. I probably wouldn't have gone without some of the advice I received on my og post so thank you :) I sat through the whole funeral but I left the wake early because it was just a bit much. I'm glad I went in the end. My dad said that he's really proud of me for going and he apologised for getting annoyed at me. Like the day after the funeral I started feeling really shit which was weird because I hadn't really felt anything until that but a few people in the comments said I would feel like that so I guess that's normal. I think that's it there's not really much more to update, thank you to everyone who commented on my post :\] **Editor's note:** OOP, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you a virtual hug from afar. I hope you have good people to talk to about this. Again- **do NOT comment on OOP's posts.**

AITA for refusing to go to my moms funeral?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/184v1my/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_moms_funeral/

184v1qj

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Throwaway5434531 **Husband doesn't want me to play with black men, is this weird?** **Originally posted to** r/Swingers **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Racism!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/s/HIpNzP6dt2) **June 27, 2021** I've created a throwaway account for obvious reasons - I don't want myself or my husband to be judged, but I need some advice and can't ask friends or family. Husband (34) and I (31) have been together for 8 years, married for 5 and have been in the lifestyle for nearly a year. We started slow but have had full swaps with three separate couples now and haven't experienced any major issues. I do all the searching for new couples as I'm more picky and we both prefer it this way and I recently started talking to a new couple online that seemed perfect. A couple of years older than us (which is fine), not too far away and they both just seem really cool. She looks quite similar to me and is definitely my husbands type, however the other husband is quite different to my usual type: he's a black guy. I'm not fetishising at all, he's attractive and we've been getting along. When I told my husband he was initially enthusiastic but changed when he saw pictures of the other couple. At first he said he just wasn't into them etc. and was quite vague - but when I dug a bit deeper he eventually said that he wasn't racist, but he just didn't want me to have sex with a black man. I then made the stupid mistake of showing that I was shocked by this and basically said wtf? Unfortunately he then closed up and just said we both have a veto, he's vetoing this couple and doesn't want to discuss it, he said we both have to be into it etc. This is obviously true and I'm not going to insist on it, but I am really surprised as he has never expressed anything like this before - he's the most liberal, open minded progressive person I know. Also, I know people are probably going to assume it's about penis size - however one of the husbands we played with previously was very large and my husband had no problem, in fact we've played several times since. Firstly, am I overreacting by thinking this is racist and wrong? Do any other guys have this preference for their wives who could shed light on why you feel this way? And how do I get him to talk about this without being defensive? Sorry it's a long and ramble one but my mind is racing a bit. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **OOP WHEN TOLD HER HUSBAND IS RACIST FOR HIS "PREFERENCES"** >Thank you for this response - I do feel bad about how disrespectful it is but I just really wanted to get some advice and your post has opened my eyes to how awful my husband is being. >To play devils advocate though - would you think it was racist if it was just about attraction? I haven't had an in depth conversation with him yet but I intend to later and I imagine this will be his response, so I want to be prepared. I, for example, would probably feel weird if he was sleeping with a 90 year old woman - not because of hatred for old people, but because I just wouldn't find her attractive at all and to see my husband having sex with her would gross me out even though I'm not having sex with her myself. >This isn't a perfect analogy but I think you'll see my point - if he just doesn't find black people attractive and therefore doesn't want to see his wife with a black guy, would this still be racist and what should my response be if he says this? Thanks again for any help/advice. **OOP ON IF HER HUSBAND IS RACIST** >Sleeping with this guy is not that important to me - I think we'll just keep swinging but from now on I will only pick white couples. It was more that I was surprised at how someone who is usually liberal etc. has suddenly admitted to this weird racist problem and I was wondering if this is a common thing in the lifestyle. So far only one or two have said they feel the same way, so it's not that common (or people just wont admit to feeling this way). I'm definitely going to talk to him to try and dig deeper and find out why he feels this way. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/s/nASxIOEP6S) **June 28, 2021** Not sure if anyone even cares about an update but I thought I'd provide one anyway since so many took the time to give their opinion/advice. Firstly, thank you to everyone who gave their perspective - I couldn't respond to everyone but I have read every comment and taken into account everyone's thoughts/feelings. There was obviously a split of opinion but generally I think most think my husband is racist to some extent. One or two people did admit to having similar feelings and I did get a few private messages from women who have been told the same by their husband - so I guess this is relatively common, sadly. I spoke with my husband this morning to try and see if I could get a better understanding of why he feels this way. I tried to seem non-judgmental and like I just wanted to understand why he felt the way he did and like it wasn't a big deal - because I didn't want him to close up. However, I think the combination of it being an awkward topic and my reaction yesterday meant that he wasn't really willing to give any further information - he basically just said it was about physical attraction. I tried to make the point that it was me having sex with the guy and not him so he doesn't need to find him attractive. He basically said it was a turn off for him to see me with a guy that he finds actively unattractive - he said he would veto a white guy that he thought was very unattractive as well. I tried to make the point that a commenter made on my original post that he hasn't met every black guy and can't say they're all unattractive - I also tried to make the point that race is a social construct etc. but this kind of just confused both of us to be honest. He basically said that even though black people all look different from one individual to another, he can see if someone is black or white by looking at them and therefore it's not just a social construct - he just doesn't find them sexually attractive. We basically just left it there - but in my heart I believe there is more to it. I honestly think he would view me differently if I had sex with a black guy - like his innocent white princess is somehow tainted. It makes me feel sick typing that but that is honestly what I think is happening in his mind. I don't feel particularly constrained by just being able to play with white guys so I'm not going to push this issue any more. I also like having the veto over who he plays with and wouldn't want to do something that would make him uncomfortable anyway. However, it has definitely opened my eyes to the fact that my husband is not as progressive as I thought and I am quite disappointed in him. \*\*\*Second update: Just wanted to post another quick update to thank everyone again for their advice/opinions - I think it's generated quite an interesting conversation about preferences/racism. I haven't brought it up with my husband again as I don't see the point, he said he finds the idea of me sleeping with a black guy a turn off and doesn't want me to play with them - and I don't want constant arguments to drive a wedge between us. Ultimately, this has to be fun for both of us and we both have to be into it, so I'm going to take his preferences on board. Provided that no racial bias shows up in any other aspect of our life - I'm just going to leave this issue alone and move on. Thanks again for all the comments, I did read them all even if I couldn't reply to them all. I probably won't post any more updates now as I think this issue is settled. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **OOP ON HER HUSBANDS VIEW AND VETO POWER** >He explicitly said he doesn't want me to have sex with a black guy - he said he will veto all black guys. **OOP WHEN ASKED IF ITS ABOUT STEREOTYPES CONCERNING BBC** >That's true I suppose. I just assumed the BBC thing is basically guys who are worried that a black guy will be bigger and therefore better (in their mind) and that's why I 'wont go back'. My husband genuinely gets off on me enjoying myself and so I don't think it's that he's worried I'll have too much fun - I think he is just repulsed by the idea for some reason. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Husband doesn't want me to play with black men, is this weird?

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/184v1qj/husband_doesnt_want_me_to_play_with_black_men_is/

184v1re

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/NoFuckingAtNight **TIFU when I asked my gf to come up with reasons why we might break up** **Originally posted to** r/tifu Trigger Warnings: >!insecurity!< &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/SehUlOYpEV) - **Nov 11, 2023** My gf and I were lying in bed last night, cuddling and shit, when it dawned on me all of a sudden that none of my friends were in relationships anymore. All of them had broken up with their partners within the past few months, which was more or less the same length of time my gf and I had been together. I shared this revelation with my gf mid cuddle before asking her what I thought was a funny and harmless question at the time. I asked her what she thought would be the end of us and encouraged her to come up with ridiculous reasons only. Full disclosure, my gf and I were both high during the inception of this fuck up, so keep that mind if some of our actions come across as somewhat random. Anyway, so as per my question, my gf provided the following reasons that would cause our relationship to crumble. 1. If I stopped showering. 2. If during sex I said "I'm gonna cum dot dot dot question mark." 3. If I lived on the 13th floor. 4. If I "psst" at someone whose name I knew. 5. If I used a spoon to drink tea or coffee like it was medicine. 6. If I literally licked my thumb before turning to the next page of a book. 7. If I found out she had a dildo replica of her ex's penis. I paused my gf when she got to the 7th reason and asked her if number 7 was something real or ridiculous because it sounded a lot less random than the other reasons. My gf said it was both real and ridiculous while laughing because at that point the atmosphere in the room was still lighthearted. I asked her why she still had her ex's fake penis in her posession. She shrugged and said it was a decent dildo. I was about to ask her if she still used the dildo, but she predicted my question and said it's been a long time since she used it. I think my face was beginning to show my mixed feelings because my gf decided to tickle me out of the blue until I laughed. I did laugh, thanks to the tickle, but I was unable to forget about the clone a willy situation. It was bugging me. I had to see it, so I asked my gf to show it to me. She reluctantly agreed to show it to me if I promised to file this whole situation under "something that means nothing" and move on. I promised. For someone who said she struggled to remember when last she used the dildo, my gf didn't even have to think about where she stored it. Just in case it's unclear, we were in her flat. As soon as I witnessed the cloned dildo with my own two eyes, I knew, oh yeah, that shit was gonna live rent free in the back of my mind. Of course it was big. I mean, what other size is there when it comes to exes. My gf asked if I wanted her to get rid of it. My mind said yes but my mouth said it was her choice. She shrugged and said it was just another sex toy. I said a promise is a promise before deciding to make us some coffee, which I drank with a spoon. Playing the break up game was not the smartest decision on my part. Now I'm cursed with the knowledge that my gf not only kept her ex's cloned cock, but most likely used it whenever she wanted, which may or may not have been during our relationship. TL:DR I playfully encouraged my gf to come up with silly reasons that might cause our relationship to come to an end. Based on that, my gf informed me that she had a replica of her ex's penis in the form of a dildo, which she enjoyed using. Needless to say, my playfulness turned into pain. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **wispoflife:** NGL. I would have asked her to throw it out, on condition that I buy her a replacement one of similar size etc... Sure it makes a good dildo, but it is just weird to keep a clone a willy of your ex into a new relationship. That is my view with my own hangups. Sounds like this thing might bother you for longer than you hoped and I would think carefully about whether you can file it under "to be forgotten". >**OP:** Yeah, I feel like I've always been fully supportive of my gf doing what needs to be done to cum on her own whenever I'm not present to provide her with sexual pleasure in person, but I also feel like it's not too crazy for me to feel conflicted about her specifically getting off to her ex's penis, albeit a replica of his penis and not the original. Part of me feels like I'll be able to get over it eventually, whether she keeps the clone dick or not, but I'm definitely gonna need time to digest this. **Few-Notice9304:** That would bug the crap out of me. It’s up to you wether it bugs you but it’d eat away at me for sure. >**OP:** I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I do believe whatever attachment she has to her ex's clone dick is no match for the connection we have with each other, romantically and sexually. However, on the other hand, the typical guy in me cannot help but feel like I'm suddenly competing against her ex on some level. I think I'll learn to make peace with this or whatever I'm feeling now will become a wound I'll keep scratching until the relationship bleeds out. I'm hoping that I'm somewhat mature enough to avoid the latter from happening. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/NX5rMlxUny) **Nov 13, 2023** Some of you asked for an update. Here it is: Based on my [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/xoLPMxyOE5), the consensus was that I be honest with my gf about how I feel regarding her ex's clone a willy dildo that she still owned. I was building up towards sharing my feelings with my gf, but she beat me to it and ended up telling me that she got rid of her ex's clone a willy because she could tell how much it bothered me. I confirmed what she said about my feelings and thanked her for disposing of her ex's dick. My gf said I should not be thanking her yet because she was not 100% honest with me when she initially said that she used her ex's clone a willy a long time ago. At that moment I knew she was gonna tell me that she used the clone a willy during her relationship with her ex, which was whatever, and during her relationship with me, which was where it kind of became a grey area from a current bf perspective. My gf came clean about using her ex's clone a willy until the two of us finally figured each other out sexually. I understood what she was saying. The chemistry between us was there since the beginning of our relationship, but the first few times we had sex was a bit of a learning curve for both of us. The sex was enjoyable for the most part, but despite our best efforts, we struggled to get each other off for some reason. During that time, my gf said she low key relied on her ex's clone a willy, which apparently made her orgasm without fail. Call me insecure or whatever, but hearing that made me go "ouch" on the inside. My gf said the irony of relying on her ex's clone a willy while we struggled to find our sweet spot in the bedroom, was the fact that she realized later on that her attachment to something from the past might have prevented her from fully committing to something in the present, or something like that, she said it better. My gf assured me that when she told me her ex's clone a willy was just another sex toy, she meant it, because that was what it eventually became when she learned to let go of "lingering feelings" and fully embrace the new connection she had with me. She made it sound like one of the reasons our sex life became the complete package it is now was due to the fact that she stopped using the clone a willy as her main source to get off. She apologized for not being vulnerable enough to unpack the impact her ex had on the beginning stages of our relationship and promised that her flat was now free of ALL her ex's clone a willy dildos. I thought she implied that there was more than one clone a willy as a joke to get a reaction out of me, but as soon as she opened the garbage bin I realized her ex really loved cloning his dick. I counted 3, including the one I knew about. The other two were both glow in the dark. My gf and I laughed about it. I have a feeling we're gonna be okay. That said, not sure I'll easily forget about her well endowed ex bf who peaced out of his relationship with my gf by leaving behind, not one, not two, but three of his dicks. TL:DR My gf disposed of her ex's clone a willy. All 3 of them. Yeah, the ex actually made 2 more. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU when I asked my gf to come up with reasons why we might break up

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Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/184v1re/tifu_when_i_asked_my_gf_to_come_up_with_reasons/

184v2hf

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/MKE_Now **So I created a fake craft brewery and it's taken on a life of its own...** **Originally posted to** r/beer **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Do not drink before reading, you're keyboard will thank you!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/beer/s/CgVsDDx7wb) **July 25, 2019** So I have some friends that are HUGE beer snobs and long story short, I started a fake brewery on Instagram that took on a life of it's own. . I got the idea making fun of one of our friends about his snobbish habits which spawned the fake beer name "Porterbello", a mushroom infused Porter. . Fast forward to late June, my little "Participation Trophy Brewing Company" Instagram joke spiraled into over 500 followers and literal non-stop messages from thirsty patrons trying to locate the taproom which now exists on a map, but doesn't exist anywhere else. . One dude even went as far as creating an Untappd account that I later had to claim as the "Brewery Owner"... remember this is all for beer that uses ingredients like paint chips. . I've pretty much had to purge the account in of follows/followers in early July in order to regain some semblance of sanity. . You people are insane... Edit: For those asking the new account is @ptbrewco Edit2: Untappd just deleted my brewery :( Edit3: Yes please message me your beer ideas on here or Instagram I will try to post the best one. Make sure to include a description. Edit 4: Wow huge response to my dumb joke. Appreciate the shares and follows, reddit is unlike any other. Edit 5: Yes. I'm releasing merchandise, stop asking, seriously stop. [Update 1 - My fake brewery...](https://www.reddit.com/r/beer/s/3uAhLBv5hs) **Oct 17, 2019** Back in July I posted about starting my very own, albeit fake Instagram brewery. For those not familiar, here is the original [post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/beer/s/y3IzOngWOt) I thought I owed you all an update on how things at @ptbrewco have been going. To the naked eye we have been posting dumb beers and memes, but in reality all the following things have happened and what better place to share them. I would post some of this on the actual page, but the whole bit is based on never admitting that we are fake, so it's kind of out of the question. **Events that have happened** • Have posted and successfully received angry messages from whoever manages Ted Cruz's Instagram for [this](https://www.instagram.com/p/B1rcr8QFVUQ/ **TRANSCRIPT OF MESSAGE** Panty Dropper Pale Ale 9.2% ABV | 62 IBU Working with Sitting US Senator and noted sex symbol Ted Cruz has been truly an honor. Panty Dropper Pale Ale uses Apollo hops cross bread with horny goat weed to honor the man himself. Warning, may make you want to run for a second term, if you know what we mean • Got into an epic battle with "beer influencer" @blondebrewreviews over this totally not doctored photograph. **Page no longer available** • Successfully [accepted](https://www.instagram.com/p/B0RgVWdF70v/) as a brewery and subsequently banned from Untapped. **TRANSCRIPT OF MESSAGE** Hello Jedd McDouglas, Great news! Your request for claiming Participation Trophy on Untapped has been approved! To get started, check you help guide. Your username is Participation Trophy • Created a taproom that can be fully checked into on both Facebook and Instagram. • Received cease and desist from the parent company of Axe, Unilever over [this.](https://www.instagram.com/p/B2pIeHjlnz1/) Satire law is phenomenal. **TRANSCRIPT OF IMAGE** **AXE APOLLO ALE** 7.2 ABV | 51 IBU Axe Apollo Ale is our first collaboration with the world's best selling male products company. Notes of green fruits and fresh sage are combined with aromatic hops to create the world's best selling beer. **ADDITIONAL NOTE** Excited to work with Axe the world's number 1 product for 8th grade boys too afraid to shower after gym class. • Defended hundreds of brewery decisions that people don't agree with. **Some Beers Introduced** • Basic Bitch Hard Seltzer (My personal favorite is the Avocado Toast Flavor) • Soy Sauce Infused Stout • Yeast Infection Tripel • Ravenous Rex (Totally not a Pseudo Sue Ripoff) • Quintuple Dry Hopped Pale Ale If you happen to look at the page, avoid any memes, as they are just cheap content filler that I make. People are still asking me for the location to the tap room almost daily and yes Dharma and Greg Season 2 Trivia is still a Tuesday night occurrence. I have to say I started this off as a dumb thing that I didn't think would last, but the absolute crazy landscape of craft beer makes these people just way too fun to mess with. I must point out that I get no financial gain from this and do it solely for my own entertainment. If anyone has ideas on where else I can take this, I am taking pretty much any suggestion. [Update 2](https://www.instagram.com/p/B2pIeHjlnz1/) **March 17, 2020** Hey Guys, I have been getting some messages asking for an update to the status of everyone's favorite (or least favorite) fake craft brewery. For those who are new to this, I would suggest checking out the first two original posts. Basically I created a fictional craft brewery (Participation Trophy Brewing Company) to pray on the hype and absurd culture that exists in the current state of craft beer. The source of the content can be found here @ptbrewco **Original Post (1.1K upvotes)** https://www.reddit.com/r/beer/comments/djcjjt/my_fake_brewery_update/ **First Update (1.1K upvotes)** https://www.reddit.com/r/beer/comments/chqqsh/so_i_created_a_fake_craft_brewery_and_its_taken/ **Minor Events that have happened** • I have actually relocated to the NYC area from the Midwest for an unrelated job transfer. I feel like I am being Santa Claused into opening this damn thing... • Our head brewer now has a LinkedIn account that is causing chaos I didn't think was possible. • Received cease and desist from the parent company of Stubbs barbecue sauce, over this. **Some Beers Introduced** [Update 3 - Ptbrewco: A year in review. (My Fake Brewery that has taken a life of its own)](https://www.reddit.com/r/beer/s/3DwXAeACMf) **July 17, 2020** I can't believe it's been one year since I started [Participation Trophy Brewing Company,](https://www.instagram.com/ptbrewco/?hl=en) the most revolutionary independent craft brewery in the United States. **Back Story:** "I got the idea of making fun of one of our friends about his snobbish beer habits which spawned the fake beer name "Porterbello", a mushroom-infused Porter... Fast forward to late June [2019], my little "Participation Trophy Brewing Company" Instagram joke spiraled into over 500 followers and literal non-stop messages from thirsty patrons trying to locate the taproom which now exists on a map, but doesn't exist anywhere else. [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/beer/s/Ef5o4C4A0p) [Original Post 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/beer/s/j9ySYvVbsb) **Fast Forward to today:** We have a healthy Instagram following of over **5,500** people and have even generated a formal website and LinkedIn page for our fearless owner and head brewer, Jedd McCormick. **Some Favorite Events/Beers:** There have been a lot of different things that have happened over the last year that I find absolutely hysterical, here are a few of my favorites: • Spending $10 to "buy" 5,000 likes an a [Ted Cruz Panty Dropper Pale](Alehttps://www.instagram.com/p/B1rcr8QFVUQ/) and having it show up on his Instagram feed. • Photoshopping one of our cans onto a "Beer Influencer's" picture and claiming that she reviewed the beer. • Creating the Brewery on Untappd, getting it approved, subsequently getting banned from Untappd. • The user who claimed that [she has been to our taproom](https://www.instagram.com/p/B-IVKY8J9Zm/) [message removed] and our beer is "Only okay" after getting upset that we were going to remain open during the quarantine. • [Dharma and Greg Season 2 Trivia Nights...](https://www.instagram.com/p/B0Dz4S8l5UC/) for some reason, this is extremely funny to me. Yes, I will occasionally post trivia on Tuesday nights. • [This](https://imgur.io/a/urkyBdu) never before seen LinkedIn exchange **TRANSCRIPT OF LINKEDIN CONVERSION** **Q = Questioner** **JD = Jedd** **Q:** Hey, Jedd. Quite crazy times we live in. I sense that you, like me, see that, even with the challenges a pandemic creates, it also creates opportunity to replace unsustainable systems. What introductions will move you forward the fastest in the direction that's most important to you? Talk soon [redacted] **Q:** Thanks so much for accepting my invitation, Jedd. I'm looking forward to get acquainted and want to figure out the best way to do that.Do you mind if I ask a few questions? **JD:** Sure thing, fire away **Q:** Great! If you can make the ultimate impact at your company over the next year, what will be different? **JD:** Hey sorry for the late response! I think it will be a big win for us to stay out of litigation in 2020. **Q:** litigation is costly, both in terms of money, time, and energy. Do you means because of closure/reopening? **JD:** No, mostly sexual harassment. **JD:** But we're turning things around. I'm confident I can keep it together for the foreseeable future. **Q:** Good to hear. Is this a problem you find in multiple places, or is it Isola to one individual? **JD:** What can I say... I like the ladies. **Q:** So just to understand here, your love of ladies is putting your business in jeopardy? **JD:** If I say yes, would you like to grab a beer? I know a good spot. Hint: I own the joint. **Q:** I'm trying to figure out if you have a legit problem, if its well beyond my scope of work, or if you're just entertaining yourself. Help me out. Which is it? **JD:** I don't exist. **Q:** Having fun are ya? I should have known. Ah well. **JD:** Lots of fun. • Getting notified that I will likely be receiving C&D from Unilever over our Axe beer. ​ The part that kills me is people are STILL looking for the taproom. [This is](https://imgur.io/a/tGCNp0F) an exchange that happened literally a couple of days ago. ​**TRANSCRIPT OF THE EXCHANGE** **PC = Potential Customer** **B = Brewery** **PC:** Hey. Could you tell me how or where I could get the summer surge cans? Thank you **B:** Where are you located, we can check the distribution list. **PC:** I am in Westchester. Have a friend in BK if you guys have a spot to buy from. **B:** So since you're in the tri state we operate a little differently... Are you familiar with a WOM brewery concept? **PC:** Negative **B:** So we're a word of mouth taproom, which means we do not disclose our location beyond Brooklyn. This helps us keep a cult-like following and build a community of advocates. You're best best is to find someone who has already been to our taproom and get the physical details from them. * As always, I'm looking for fresh ideas and gags/trolls to make on this community. **What has been your favorite beer or ptbrewco moment from the past year?** [So my fake craft brewery hit another milestone...](https://www.reddit.com/r/CraftBeer/s/MBnY4f9pNw) **Dec 3, 2020** [Picture of Jedd]((https://imgur.com/a/YSZTTGf) Jedd McCormick Owner and operator **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

So I created a fake craft brewery and it's taken on a life of its own...

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/184v2hf/so_i_created_a_fake_craft_brewery_and_its_taken/

185aa8o

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRA-leftygreens7 **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!verbal argument, shaming, possible insecurities!< mood spoilers: >!overall okish!<   [**I (f25) insulted my boyfriend (m25) after I found out his secret**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17h2gct/i_f25_insulted_my_boyfriend_m25_after_i_found_out/) **- 26th October 2023** My boyfriend Ben(28m) and I(25f) have been dating for almost two years. While our relationship is not perfect it's pretty damn close, our biggest disagreement was when I switched oat milk brands and he kept forgetting and bringing the other brand. We're both quite naturally calm people and prefer a constructive discussion to a heated argument. This is why what happened last week caught me off guard. Towards the beginning of our relationship when we weren't exclusive, Ben had a fling with a coworker, lets called her Stef. He is the head of IT at a major firm and she works in a different department so they only see eachother occasionally, even more so now that he switched to remote work two days a week. When he told me about their fling and I talked to my friends about it they said I wasn't allowed to be bothered about it as our relationship wasn't defined at the time and they only slept together once. Somedays I will fixate on it and wonder if he talked to Stef at work and if she still fancied him. I know I'm not allowed to monitor his interactions with anyone and would never try to control him but it does make me feel something when I think about him even being near her. I don't know if it's jealousy or insecurity or even if it's rational. Anyway last week we got invited to a dinner party hosted by his boss. I'd been to a couple of his office parties before but only interacted with a couple people and usually was glued to Ben's side all night since I am a bit of an introvert. From my immediate impression Ben's boss is a bit of a rich prick, but he knew how to throw a good enough party that I began to loosen up and interact with more than two people all night. As a teacher I've always felt insecure around people who make so much more money than me and always felt like they looked down on me but that couldn't have been further from the truth. I was immediately included on the inside jokes, made a couple of my own and even got invited to a double date with one of his coworkers and his wife. While Ben was grabbing me some food, one his friend's made a passing comment about Stef, she was at the party but stayed away from the group we were hanging out with. I said "I don't care about her but I also have nothing to talk to her about" which is true, I wasn't about to go compare notes with her and the fact that she did stay away from us did put me at ease and made me not as wary of her. His friend laughed and said 'well then you'd might feel the same way about Molly'. Molly was another coworker of Ben's who I had actually gotten on with the whole night. I was confused and didn't understand what he was trying to stay, when he saw my reaction he completely clammed up but I demanded he explain himself. Another one of his friend's from the group said that Molly and Ben slept together- to say I was shocked is an understatement. I then asked how many other girls Ben had slept with from the office and they told me they knew of four different girls. At that point Ben came back, unaware his friends had spilled his secrets but picked up on the tense atmosphere. Internally I was fuming and hurt but I kept a cool facade and when Ben asked what was wrong I just looked at him and said 'your friends were just informing me that you're the office slut'. He looked shocked and I left to go to the bathroom to calm down. I knew if I stayed at this party any longer I would have a breakdown and needed to leave. So I went straight to our car and drove home without telling him. When I got back home I replied to his numerous texts about where I was and told him I came home and he could find his own way back. He got home around an hour after me and by that time I had already cried my feelings out and was ready to have a conversation. He came into the house absolutely livid which I didn't understand because he was the one who lied to me. He's never even raised his voice at me for anything before but he was shouting about how I embarrassed him and word had gotten around to his other coworkers because I reacted immaturely. I tried to explain my position that how would he feel if he found out I had slept with four of my coworkers and never told him. He just kept reiterating that he never had a relationship with them and it was just sex. I knew going into our relationship he was way more experienced than me sexually but I refuse to believe he could sleep with these women and not feel anything for them but that is beside the point and he should've told me. But all he is hung up on is that I insulted him to his friends. When he was done yelling he said he was going to stay at his brother's house to calm down and not to contact him until he cooled down, I told him I wouldn't contact him first because I'm not in the wrong, he is. It's been a week since he's been at his brother's house and we still haven't talked. I have no clue where we go from here. Was I wrong to react the way I did? I didn't think I was but now I'm second guessing myself. I didn't think calling him the office slut would elicit this reaction but I don't think it was a lie either. Should I apologise or wait for him to make the first move? My issue is not so much with him sleeping with the other women but hiding it.   **Comments** **Mobile\_Prune\_3207** *Where did he lie? Did he tell you that he had only ever slept with Stef? Or did you assume that she was the only one? Either way, I do think it was really unnecessary to make that comment in front of his co-workers. Your reaction was not a cool facade.* >OOP: We had a discussion about previous partners and he never mentioned them before, he said he didn't count them as partners and only told me about actual girlfriends he had. &#x200B; **nsfwacct17** *Didn't you post this on AITA yesterday and then delete your account when you got told you were the asshole lol* >OOP: I didn't delete it, the mods deleted it and so I messaged one of them about where I should post it instead and they said to check other suitable subreddits. I much prefer the response here, there was nothing productive in that sub anyway &#x200B; >OOP: I think having some space from it and seeing so many unbiased perspectives I can understand where I went wrong. Tbh I knew what I said wasn't right but I was trying to justify my position by saying he was also wrong. But my actions are my actions and I shoulder responded more maturely. I think my comment did come from a vindictive place and for that I will apologise but I think I can only move forward if I get the same thing back. **caballero12840** *Few things mean as little as a conditional apology* &#x200B; [**UPDATE in the same post 1 day later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17h2gct/i_f25_insulted_my_boyfriend_m25_after_i_found_out/) **- 27th October 2023** I just want to say thanks for everyone's response, I can't reply to them all but I have read what everyone has written and just need to clarify a few things. &#x200B; 1. We had discussed previous partners but he omitted ONS as he didn't consider them partners and only told me about girlfriends he had. Ben is my first boyfriend and I had only ever slept with one guy before but that man wasn't my boyfriend either but I still disclosed it 2. There is some speculation I went through his phone and badger him about Stef, that is not true at all. I knew my issues with Stef were my own and never made him answer for them. Even when he told me I was slightly upset but again it was something we discussed and I got advice from my friends about we moved forward from 3. I did not yell out the comment I made, it was only in front of Ben and two of his work friends. I did not ask his friends who the other two girls were as I thought that should come from Ben. I don't know when the encounters with the other 3 girls happened 4. I am aware my comment was wrong and I am fully ready to apologise for that and for leaving his stranded, he had to get a lift from his brother. In my post I wrote our car, that's not true I just think of it that way because I use it more but its actually his car 5. I made a typo in the title, I'm 25 and Ben is 28 &#x200B; Anyway an actual update - I texted him this morning saying 'Hey, I know you asked me not to contact you first but I've given you a week and really feel like we need to have a conversation. I hope you've been doing okay.' I didn't want to start apologising or questioning him over text. I did that about 6.30 before I left for work and was teaching all day so I knew I wouldn't be able to constantly check my phone. It's lunch time right now and he's responded saying he's at work, which is confusing because Friday and Monday are his remote work days so I don't understand why he's gone in. I texted back and said 'we can talk after work if he wanted to come home' and he agreed. I honestly have no clue how tonight is going to go - I really don't want to break up. I know alot of you are gonna say I don't have a backbone for messaging him first but I haven't been able to eat or sleep all week and this been so mentally and physically exhausting, my workload this week has been crushing and this added stress has made me reach my limit. &#x200B; **Comments** **Negative-Product6301** *When I first started dating my husband we were going to new year's party and I knew someone I had slept with prior to our relationship would be there.* *I gave him the heads-up. I didn't want him blindsided by some ashole trying to provoke him or catch him off guard.* *It wasn't his business (it happened long before him) I didn't need to disclose, BUT, it was the respectful thing to do.* *I hate being blindsided. I also hate being used as a weapon in head games. It was lucky I gave him the heads-up. When someone went up to him and told him, he was already armed with the information and wasn't the one that ended up looking like the dick.* &#x200B; **StandardMiddle6229** *I'm still fixated on the oat milk brand switch🤔🤷* **avozzella6** *Please tell me it’s oatly* **memeparmesan** *Dude, Oatly fucking stomps.* &#x200B; [**UPDATE2 in the same post 2 days later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17h2gct/i_f25_insulted_my_boyfriend_m25_after_i_found_out/) **- 28th October 2023** UPDATE 2: Hey everyone its Saturday and im still in bed and thought I should give an update. Before I do I just wanted to clarify one thing. I switched from alpro to oatly, and its much better. Also I'm paraphrasing since I can't remember everything we said. So I was quite nervous about Ben coming over after work, I was meant to do some work but was too distracted to even attempt it. I did however as a gesture of good faith decide to cook his favourite meal for him and maybe use it as an icebreaker. I did take someone's advice of writing everything down just so I could keep my thoughts clear. After work I texted asking him what time he would be over and he said he'd text me when he left work and takes him about a 30 minutes on the tube to reach home. He got here about 6ish and rang the doorbell (which was so weird, he still had his keys), I opened the door and we kinda awkwardly greeted each other. Immediate impression was that he didn't look angry or upset, just cold. I sat down on the sofa and expected him to join me but he just stood in the middle of the room with his hands in his trousers. I said I was glad he came over and he just nodded, then I said it was weird being in his house by myself all week and all he said was 'I'm sure it was'. He asked me why I texted him now and not sooner and I said it was because he told me not to contact him. I told him I'd been miserable and that I was sorry for the comment I made and leaving and especially for taking his car. He said he didn't give a shit about the car just that I had left without telling him. I got a chance to finally explain myself to him, I never cared how many women he slept with before. (I'd known he was a bit of a 'fuckboy' before we got together, and never held it against him) I just hated being blindsided and feeling like I knew less about my boyfriend than some random coworkers. I asked why he didn't just tell me since he knew I'd be around them and he said he said honestly didn't think it was important and matter to me. I called bullshit because he knows how I am and he knew it would matter. He admitted he did regret sleeping with those women as he never thought about having to bring his future girlfriend around them and tell her about it. Two of them happened when he first joined the company straight of uni, one of those girls has left already and the other is actually dating Ben's friend who told me about Molly. He said at that point of his life he was fine sleeping around and never really thought of the consequences. I asked why his friend decided to even say anything to me about it and he said they always try to 'piss each other off' and one thing that gets Ben annoyed is when someone brings up his fuckboy ways. He said after I left his friends felt bad for what they said but I told him I never would've reacted that way if I had known and he should've told me. He said I was trying to justify my response after apologising. I told him I didn't want to do that, I do genuinely think what I said and did was wrong but he can't put all the blame on me. He said the only thing he could apologise for is sleeping with a bunch of women and since that was before me it didn't make any sense. I kept saying it was the hiding bit that upset me and he asked what difference would it had made if I had known? I did think about that for a moment, I still would've gone but I think I would've been a bit more hyperaware of the Molly and the other girl. He said he wanted me to be there and have a good time and didn't want ruin it by telling me about irrelevant shit in his past and I guess I understood that sentiment because I decided to let it go. We both were quiet there for a moment and he asked if 'I was done?' And if I was going to end it then I needed to pick another reason since 'this would be the stupidest fucking reason'. I told him I didn't want to break up and that we needed to talk about everything but I wanted him to come sit next to me and he did. So I asked if there were any others and he said no, I asked him who knew in the office and he said only his friend group and they keep their mouth shut to everyone because all of them we're doing the same shit. He told me he slept with Molly right before we met. I was curious about why he went into work today when it was his remote work day and he said that his nieces wouldn't let him concentrate at home so he just decided to go in. He did say he was furious last week and didn't know if he could move forward but talking to his brother helped and he calmed him down, he said if I didn't text him he was planning on contacting me first today anyway so we could talk. So we didn't break up, I apologised and while he didn't so the same I have decided to let it go and move on. I told him I made his favourite meal and he finally kissed me and told me he missed me. Anyway I know someone of you are gonna say he should've dumped me straight away or I should've demanded an apology but I'm happy with the outcome. I finally had a meal and good night's sleep, even Ben said I looked like I had lost weight. Thank for the people who have messaged me offering me advice and I really hope I never have to give another update.   **Comments** **Both-Suspect** *What a rollercoaster this has been. Also, his work friends are dicks. Hope the rest of his friends aren’t like that. 🚩* **Abstractteapot** *The oat milk was a sign.* &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I insulted my boyfriend after I found out his secret

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/185aa8o/i_insulted_my_boyfriend_after_i_found_out_his/

185o3dc

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/DarkProfessional9601 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITA for kicking my dad out from my wedding party?** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, controlling behavior, verbal abuse, homophobia, obsessive behaviors towards a child, attempted imprisonment, body shaming, financial manipulation, harassment, and mentions of sexual misconduct!< **Editor’s Note: Added spaces in all posts for readability** --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/vxj6ba/aita_for_kicking_my_dad_from_my_wedding_party/?share_id=TQPhlqx0HZHGNtKRo6wJB&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **July 12, 2022** I (21f) and getting married to my fiancé (30f) this October. At the time of our engagement I was living with my dad to save money on rent, however after I told my dad of our engagement he promptly got jealous and tried to lock me in my room so “we could talk”. I managed to get out of the house after threatening to call the cops and quickly moved in with my fiancé. Since then my dad has “come around to support us” and I don’t buy it. For context, growing up my dad has only cared about himself and his image, which cause him and and my mom to divorce when I was five. Since then all my dad has done is try to keep me under his control and house, ie; tell me the rest of my family doesn’t want me, no one else would like me, I was too fat to have friends but he’d still be my friend, and he’s the only one I should care about, etc. Now, after my dad has come around for the wedding, he has paid for half of my dress (roughly $800) and for postage for the save the dates and invites. Here’s how I may be the asshole, after thinking about this fifty ways to hell and back, I can’t see myself as happy with my dad walking me down the aisle, father/daughter dance etc. My mom and to be MIL have both agreed that if I don’t feel comfortable with my dad in the wedding party then I can ask him to not be in the party, he can attend the wedding still, but just as a guest. However my fiancé says that since he has paid for part of my dress and that he should be in the wedding party. Knowing my dad, if I tell him he’s not a part of the party, he’ll throw a fit and I don’t know if I can handle that right now atop the wedding planning. AITA if I tell my dad he won’t be part of the wedding party? Edit: I thought I added this, but I would be paying him back, sorry. I saw the first comment and realized I left it out. Edit 2: I did post updates from the comments onto my own page. &nbsp; **AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the comments, OOP was NTA** &nbsp; **Editor’s Note: the additional updated comment from August 8th, 2023, also has been blended into the Update #1 with more details** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/DarkProfessional9601/comments/180tvj0/aita_for_kicking_my_dad_out_of_my_wedding_party/?share_id=mDBKSXyso0sRAb4Kuo57I&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 21, 2023** So update post here, I finally figured out how to update. Sort of. Warning I am on mobile so there maybe some typos. So I forgot about this whole post and page for a bit. And holy shit did shit go down at the wedding. (Also adding more details as previous "update" was in the comments and therefore limited characters. I did end up telling my dad he was no longer part of the wedding party after we caught him trying to change wedding plans. His reasoning for trying to change stuff: "I helped pay for the wedding so I can make decisions too" He could still attend as a guest, but he would not be walking me down the aisle or anything like that. One of my dear friends, who is very much more of a father figure to me, did end up walking me down the aisle with my mom. I did pay him back for everything that he paid money towards, not quite 1k. He did, as predicted, throw a woe is me tantrum on social media saying I was rude and not his daughter for not letting him walk me down the aisle and quote; "taking away his dream". WTF. Important side note, we had a movie reference on the tables involving peanuts, and another note my dad has had many "medical emergencies" in his life (I.e. he's had stage four lymphoma cancer that he "was cured of", swine flu, pneumonia, Ebola, Covid, but somehow before it was even a big deal in China, and he's "severely allergic" to many foods yet doesn't own an epi pen for any allergies despite having insurance that would cover most if not all of the expense). Anyways he did attend as a guest (which I now regret letting him) as he did try to crash our first look and tried to get into the bridal suite to "talk to me" about the walking down the aisle. When asked what about, he wanted to try to talk me out of marrying my now wife, because she wasn't a good person. Again, wtf? And that he had evidence that she had been cheating on me, but when asked to see said evidence, he said he didn't have it on him(obviously as my wife hadn't been cheating on me). My dad proceeded to storm away after my MOH didn't let him inside and he took a seat at one of the tables, with the afore mentioned peanuts. He. Lost. His. Shit. There wasn't even very many on the tables, maybe a small handful at most (5-7), screamed and swore at the sight of the peanuts on the table and went off on how he didn't feel good, couldn't breathe, etc. I had a view through a window from the suite of what went down and it looked like a scene straight out of a cheap ass soap opera. He knocked over the chairs, crashed back into another table and when offered medical attention, one of my uncles runs a small family practice, he spit out a no and he would drive himself to the er and promptly left. I did get a text later saying how could I have peanuts on the table when I knew he had a peanut allergy etc but I left him on read and continued enjoying the party. We haven't talked since, and my wife and I are now expecting our first kid in the next few weeks, my dad has not reached out since the wedding and it's been the most stress free time in my life. &nbsp; **Editor’s Note: another additional updated comment from Aug 8th, 2023 was also blended into Update #2 with more details, along with the latest update as of Nov 21st, 2023, at the bottom of the post** [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/180ua41/update_aita_for_kicking_my_dad_out_of_my_wedding/?share_id=1bg3iHHX9EdPpAx5nvStT&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 21, 2023** UPDATE...ish from comments again, I'm just posting the update to my own page and adding more information. Ok so I seriously thought that this dad drama shit was over. High gods I was so fucking wrong. So yesterday, my wife and I had to go to the hospital to check on the baby (no this wasn't a scheduled appointment, I was having really bad Braxton hicks and the doc wanted to check us, we're all good). But somehow my dad got wind that we are expecting and in came the bombardment of texts and calls. Literally I had to turn my phone off because it was crashing from the amount of notifications I was getting. So the rest of the visit goes well, we were there for about three and a half hours. I turned my phone back on to see wtf happened. Well my dad's pissed I didn't tell him I was pregnant, which honestly, I don't care. I don't trust him around kids, especially my own after I found out about his history (he was a bishop in the religion I was raised in, and there was evidence that he was "touchy" with certain aged people behind the closed doors of his office-that's all I'm willing to say to the internet, if you know, you know). He was asking when the baby was due and all that, the typical parental questions. This is where it got weird. He then asked who else was going to be in the delivery room aside himself, and when he and I were going to the 4-D ultrasound, and when the next doctor's appointment was going to be so he could go with me instead of my wife. Yes you read that right, the man invited himself in place of my wife to be in the delivery room and to every appointment before the delivery without even asking. I said no, it was going to be just me and my wife at the doctor's appointments, ultrasound appointment, and especially just us in the delivery room. Which he tried to turn it on me saying he was just trying to be considerate, and then proceeded to say my grandma (a VERY religious woman) could be in the delivery room instead. Again no, that woman has also caused some serious religious trauma in the past and I am not even okay with her being in the same building as my unborn child as it is. I'm to the point of wanting to go no contact with most of that side of the family. I've set up passwords and an anonymous patient security thing with the hospital and my doctor to make sure my father can't do anything. At this point we are going very LC with my dad and grandma, but I just needed to vent about this as this is the norm in my family, but my wife can't even understand why my family is like this and I feel like I'm going a bit crazy. Thanks for listening! UPDATE: my baby girl is here (well she's been here for almost three months), very healthy and born three weeks early. I'm now almost NC with my dad and grandma (his mother). So my father did try to show up during delivery and got escorted off the property by security. My doctor and the team was absolutely amazing handling him and my grandma who also tried to pull stuff according to my wife who handled them while I was in labor. There was also a point when my wife and I were at a doctors appointment and my dad showed up trying to get inside, saying-and I SERIOUSLY wish I was joking-"he was the actual father and needed to be back there". He makes me want to vomit every time he opens that putrid mouth of his. Oh how I wish to chop out his tongue. To shorten things up, another reason why I've gone little to no contact with my father is because he texts me asking how his baby is (referring to my daughter) and when she can come stay with him, etc. We have a rule that only women can change girls and men change boys diapers until they can talk etc, and my father kept trying to make jabs at me saying that as a parent you"you know no love like a parent, and nothing like the pain from your child hurting you" heavy eye rolls We are moving to the east coast some time next year or so and will NOT be giving out our address or even city to that side of the family as well as changing phone numbers. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **lizger59:** Good. I'd also look into cameras if he knows where you live now. >**OP:** Those have been ordered as we live in a sketchier side of town to begin with and because of him as well. Thanks! **PsychologicalBit5422:** What's with the nappy changing thing? That's just a bit wierd. >**OP:** I don't know how to explain it better really, but I will try, aside me and my wife, my mom, mil, other female relatives that we trust, they can change my daughter's diaper while male relatives (mostly the grandfathers) can't. We've both had issues with men growing up so we're trying to do our best to avoid like it anything happening again. Not that those said people are allowed near our girl to begin with. **GullibleNerd88:** any chance of a restraining order till you are able to move? >**OP:** Unfortunately no, nothing he's done so far is deemed "threatening" enough in police eyes. Unless he threatens my or my family's lives and we get it on record or something that is actually illegal we can't really do much. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for kicking my dad out from my wedding party?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/185o3dc/aita_for_kicking_my_dad_out_from_my_wedding_party/

185o3kk

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Individual\_Usual\_880](https://www.reddit.com/user/Individual_Usual_880/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Short and sweet. **Trigger Warning:**>!misogyny!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< I edited a few things for grammar and clarity. I also added paragraph breaks. **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17zsa9c/aita_for_bringing_hand_vacuum_to_the_office_and/)**: November 20, 2023** Throwaway due to privacy. I (F31) recently found out that I am allergic to dust mites. 30 years I've been told that I was being hormonal, overthinking, on PMS and other things when raising my concerns of my health, mostly because I am a woman. I would have severe rash - and the only answer - it's your hormones, once you will have your first period/pregnancy it'll go over - not. Then cold like symptoms-again it's due to hormones, it'll be over when you'll get pregnant - again not. I guess this will be relevant later. Now, I am back at my work after my maternity leave and I work at IT company, with open office for 200 employees, so when you come inside it's all computers as far as the eye can see - which is a lot of dust due to poor building ventilation system. So, in order to reduce dust at least on my desk I have a very small and silent vacuum, and just clean my desk every morning (again, might be relevant later - I clock in around 7 AM, the only people on the floor are kitchen worker and security). Recently, a colleague of mine, let's say Tom (M,35-ish) started to give me snarky comments on how l am overreacting and I have OCD and should go to therapy and maybe take some leave. I politely thanked for concerning about my mental health but I am not overreacting but rather following my allergy protocol. I gave no more details as I don't think it's any concern of his, we aren't close and I purely see him as my colleague so business only. I also asked to stop that behavior as it makes me feel uncomfortable as if I should be ashamed of being allergic (which I am not, tons of people have same issues). Unfortunately, comments didn't stop, I asked several times to stop, and one day I felt like I had enough and emailed HR explaining the situation. Well shit hit the fan and dude got a note saying one more complaint, even in word and he's out. Well now he's pissed and told me that I was overreacting and pulled a typical female and I could've just stop with my bullshit and he would've stopped. I talked with my husband and he sides with me, saying that Tom is now gaslighting me, my friends and other colleagues are divided. Which got me thinking that maybe I took this way too much, and I should've taken anti-allergy pills in the morning to help me throughout the day. Part of me thinks that Tom is a misogynist douchebag who just hates women and if not me other coworker would end up as his target. And his attitude towards women just pissed me off as I faced same bs through all my life and he was just the unlucky one who crossed the line. So, redditors AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *On other allergy options:* "Thank you! I still am quite new to all of this, so every suggestion is more than welcome! I am waiting for insurance to confirm my request for allergy shots. I live outside the US, and normally a lot of things would be free, but for that I need to go through hell of a protocol so it’s faster to use my insurance for that. I am pretty sure I will get ok from them, it’s just a standard procedure. There is a cleaning team in the office, but they clean every evening, and all the computers are on all night, thus extra cleaning in the morning makes my day somewhat bearable vs if I stop doing that. I know that our office admin alerted building admin that ventilation system should be checked, but it’s a bit complicated with them." *Vacuuming being triggering:* "Per my understanding no, as I do everything before most of the people get to the office. I get it that even a silent vacuum can trigger others so I get to the office early to make me and everyone else feel comfortable." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): November 21, 2023 (Next Day)** First of all, thank you. Second of all, I did email HR again. After half an hour, Tom was summoned to a meeting with HR and head of the office. Not sure what exactly was discussed (GDPR) but he told everyone he is resigning and he was let go as of today (normally, there’s 20 days notice period, unless you can negotiate otherwise). His boss is pissed, but I’ve noticed a handful of other employees seemed to be relieved? So, I do believe that many of you were right - Tom indeed had done something before and probably not only once. Also, HR wrote me that either I could leave early today or if I considered leaving late and take a day off tomorrow as he doesn’t want Tom to leave at the same time as me. This got me thinking that I do work in a great company! And tomorrow I’ll have a nice day off and spend it with my son!

AITA for bringing hand vacuum to the office and then reporting colleague to HR?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/185o3kk/aita_for_bringing_hand_vacuum_to_the_office_and/

185o3t5

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Julie\_Beans\_](https://www.reddit.com/user/Julie_Beans_/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ymjh2/wibta_if_i_asked_my_inlaws_to_return_my_childrens/)**: November 18, 2023** My children take very good care of their toys and possessions. As it’s nearing Christmas they have chosen old toys to donate, to keep and some that they weren’t quite ready to get rid of yet. My in-laws don’t have many toys at their home and have said they needed to get more for their toy closet for all the grandkids. My eldest suggested that they bring the toys to their grandparents for the toy closet, this way they could still play with them, and see them when they wanted, and bonus all their cousins could play with them too! My in-laws were excited and thanked them for donating to the toy closet. The first time we saw the kids cousins they were excited to show them the toys and they all had fun playing together. Cut to a couple months later when we stopped over and they were all gone. My kids asked grandma and grandpa what happened and they weren’t sure. They texted my sister in law and she said “sorry, they were really nice and my kids liked them so we decided to bring them all home with us.” My mother in law asked if they were bringing them back for their toy closet and she wrote back and simply said “no.” My kids are kind of hurt as they weren’t ready to give them up yet, and they wanted to be able to share and play at their grandparents house… So 1. Would I be an asshole if I wrote and asked sister in law to please bring the community toys back? For additional info: my in-laws are afraid to anger SIL because she is very easy to hold a grudge, so this convo would fall on myself and/or my husband who also feels the same way. He actually suggested we ask on here “we might be the assholes if we do this, let’s ask Reddit first”. Also their kids have plenty of toys at home so it’s not like they don’t have anything to play with. Also, there are multiple families who come to their home with kids, not just our family and this particular brother in laws family. My husband has 4 other siblings with kids. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did your in-laws tell your SIL she could take the toys?* "My in-laws didn’t tell her she could take them. They didn’t even know they were gone as she must have snuck them out of their house. They asked if she took them, then asked if she was bringing them back, she said “no.” And they are afraid to anger her by asking for them back." *It sort of comes down to- did you GIVE the toys to the grandparents or STORE them there?* "We never really had that specific of a discussion about it. But I take it as we gave the toys to the grandparents to put in the toy closet. My children were not expecting the toys to ever come back to our house. We had donated other toys to local non profits, but these they didn’t want to give up completely so they donated them to grandparents toy closet. This is why I’m so torn, because they technically did give them away as I see it." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1810mfa/update_wibta_if_i_asked_my_inlaws_to_return_my/)**: November 21, 2023** I have to say that I was surprised at the number of people who said I was not the asshole. It really made us feel better and thank you guys for giving us advice on what to do next. We spoke to my mother and father in law, and husband told them he didn’t like that they were too afraid to say anything. Mother in law said that she was afraid since sister in law is very quick to go no contact with people. She seems to get sick of people in her life easily and cuts them out when she gets offended. Mother in law is afraid to not see her grandchildren. I get the fear, but it’s still not right. I asked them if they at all offered, even inadvertently, for her kids to take the toys we left. They said definitely not. I believe them. My husband called my brother in law and said (thanks to those who suggested this) “Hey! We were just over at mom and dads and there seems to have been some confusion. Our kiddos left some toys there to store and for all the grandkids to share and I think your wife thought we wanted to get rid of them. Total miscommunication, sorry about that. We’re headed to the area and can swing by now to grab them!” Brother in law said that was fine and he didn’t even know they had them. So we swung by, he found them and helped us pack them all in the trunk. Sister in law was getting ready and came out as we were packing up. Her face got red, and she turned around and went back in the house. We stood out for awhile talking to brother in law until he checked his phone. He said he had to get inside and he went in to talk to his wife. We could hear through the walls that she was yelling and crying. After 10 minutes of extremely awkward looks between my husband and I, we texted him that we were going to head out and he came back out looking upset. He said his wife was crying inside and that she kept trying to go back and forth with why she had the toys and he was confused. We just played dumb and said that our kids couldn’t find the toys we left when we went back and we’re told that you guys had possibly “accidentally” taken them. He said he was sorry and we said our goodbyes and left. Sister in law has since been posting about how family isn’t blood and how she doesn’t know who to trust anymore. I’m sure it will blow over one day. We also spoke with our children about how kind they were to want to share with their cousins. That we are a kind and giving family but that doesn’t mean that we let people take advantage of our kindness. That we understood that these were given to stay at Grandma and Grandpas and how upsetting it was that they weren’t there, but that it was maybe a misunderstanding and mom and dad got them back now. I think they are too young now but one day they will realize how their Aunt is. Thank you all for suggesting that we stand up for our kids. My husband and I thank you for all the advice. Hope you all have a good holiday. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why would a grown woman cry over this?* "I think she was more upset about being caught? It’s not like they were crazy expensive or hard to find. We didn’t ask why she was crying and yelling, and she hasn’t messaged us at all." *Is SIL usually entitled?* "She can be very narcissistic. I usually stay out of it but this time it just hit too close to home, and we could prove she did it. Usually she is more sneaky and it hasn’t involved my family directly like this before." *Could it be a money issue?* "I don’t think so. But then again you never know another persons budget. Somebody can walk around with their nails done, a new purse, and Starbucks and that could have been a gift from their mom, a gift card from work, and so on. Ya know? I know they aren’t rich, none of us are, but I don’t think they are struggling." *It's not worth it to press the issue anymore:* "Yeah we’re basically going to “play dumb.” I think that is the best way to handle it and give her a little bit of shame." *Maybe buy her kids duplicates for Chirstmas?* "This isn’t a bad idea. I wouldn’t buy all of them but maybe a version of one of the play sets. I’d be afraid that buying the same exact one would be viewed as passive aggressive. So one of the items was a bunch of hot wheels playsets. I could totally gift them a bunch of cars and a different playset."

WIBTA if I asked my in-laws to return my children’s toys?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/185o3t5/wibta_if_i_asked_my_inlaws_to_return_my_childrens/

185o3wm

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Chewy-Boot **My blood oxygen is below 50, unsure what to do** **Originally posted to** r/kilimanjaro & r/Mountaineering **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Near death experience, life threatening medical emergency!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!No permanent damage, reddit being reddit!< [Fleece recommendations available in Australia?](https://www.reddit.com/r/kilimanjaro/s/gpydt11ofi)  **June 2, 2023** I’m climbing Kili in two weeks and have yet to settle on a fleece. Coming from Australia I have no frame of reference for how cold it gets, so would love some recommendations on brands and models to trust. [How many porters does a trip operator normally provide?](https://www.reddit.com/r/kilimanjaro/s/sAmCXMZJ28)  **June 13, 2023** My tour operator just told me that my solo private tour will include a guide, a cook, and 6 (six!) porters. This seems like way too many for a one person tour, even including all the equipment for the group. Is this normal? [My blood oxygen is below 50, unsure what to do](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mountaineering/s/KYflxmmTiq)  **June 24, 2023** Recent trek turned nightmare, stopped breathing and rushed down to lower level where reading was 49%. I’m terrified and have no idea what to do. Currently trying to contact a medical helicopter. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **frontifthewagon** >And you decided to post this on Reddit as it’s happening. Great coverage,  who’s your provider as I may need to switch. * **phidauex** >If you are conscious and typing you are going to be fine. If a meter is telling you 49% it is broken. * **Zikyooc** >If you can post on Reddit it's a good sign. Blood oxygen level ain't as important as other symptoms. >Headache? Ataxia? Throwing up? Short breathing even after resting? >What to do? Continue going down. **Wientje** >>Honestly, posting on Reddit doesn’t imply that his brain is getting enough oxygen. Most people can post fine without it. * **ELI-PGY5** >Could have HAPE. 49% is low, but we saw some very low sats during Covid with people still on their phones. >Kili is actually quite an easy place to get HAPE/HACE, altitude gain can be very rapid. Equally, it’s quite an easy place to get down from, not technical. >So OP: go down, keep, going down. Find a doctor. Check your SpO2 on a second oximeter when you can. >For those saying it’s a panic attack - no, look at the obs. Sure the low SpO2 might be wrong, but it would be silly to assume that. OP is hypoxic until proven otherwise, and HAPE or PE are the likely causes. [Update to my “blood oxygen is below 50” post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mountaineering/s/FhNAQWHsBb)  **June 25, 2023** Long-winded update for anyone who cares / my experience failing to summit Kilimanjaro. As a bit of background, yesterday was the end of my adventures on Mt Kilimanjaro. Unfortunately on the summit attempt I ran into a brutal bout of altitude sickness, and came short of the summit with less than an hour of hiking left. Thankfully, I managed to get out without serious damage due to the incredible guides. Like most hikers, I started for the summit from Barafu Camp (4,600m) at around midnight. From the get-go, I’m realising something’s not quite right with my fitness. I’m wheezing just from doing light walking at camp, and have a splitting headache and nausea that won’t go away. Anyway, we start the climb and around 5,200 I’m noticing I’m getting seriously winded, and my headache has evolved from uncomfortable to “why is there a tyre iron in my eye” painful. I try to trudge though, but metres from Stella Point (5,700m) my body just shuts down, I’ve been gasping for air for the last half hour, but suddenly I just can’t fill my lungs at all. My legs turn to jelly beneath me, the headache turns blinding and I just collapse, desperate for air. My guide tries to help me up, but I’m a puddle at this point and just keep gasping at him for oxygen. I genuinely thought I was going to die, I couldn’t get a breath in. We manage to find a tank from Stella Point, and it gives me a brief 5 minutes of relief that lets me regain my legs. My guide sprint/drags me down the mountain to a lower point. There we do the blood oxygen reading and it hits 49%. This same pulse oximeter has been giving me 85-90% consistently during the daily check-ins for the last week (apart from a 76% after an acclimatisation hike where we hit 4,600 before descending to below 4,000), so I tend to trust it and get intensely freaked out at the 49%. My guide calls a medical chopper (which never ends up arriving) and I try to use a cell signal to find out information on what I can do as a means to stop the impacts of low blood ox (or at least calibrate my anxiety level appropriately). Being Tanzania’s 3G internet, none of the pages load on my phone, but reddit started up perfectly, so I decided to turn to this community for advice / emotional support. I of course got only detailed, compassionate responses, that reminded me that asking medical advice from strangers is a very sensible thing to do. (No seriously, thank you to everyone to provided advice, it helped me get the help I needed once I got to the hospital). Anyway, after waiting an hour for a chopper that never came, we ended up hiking for four hours to get to a road, and managed to get back to Moshi where my breathing returned to normal after a few hours. Still a bit crook, but no signs of permanent damage. So while there may have been a misread with my blood oxygen as a lot of people thought, I truly was in a bad state, and the oximeter my guide used was the one the same exact model the hospital used. I don’t know if I was truly below 50%, but I’ve never felt worse in my life. So for anyone travelling to Kilimanjaro, enjoy a ewonderful experience, but as I learned, you can’t tough out altitude sickness, if you’re getting the signs, turn back before your body shuts down. Also, the two things you should never rely on in an emergency, emergency services in Tanzania and reddit. **TL;DR:** Got slammed with altitude sickness on Kili, asked for help on reddit and was fairly mocked for using it as emergency help, but managed to get down safely. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **ELI-PGY5** >Hey mate, MD guy here who posted on the last thread. >Glad to hear you pulled through OK. >Altitude sickness sucks, and Kili is a pretty easy place to get it because it’s like a giant ramp straight up to the sky. >Sorry that so many people here decided to mock you in the middle of a medical emergency, I thought a lot of the posts were unfortunate. >Cheers! **OOP** >>Cheers mate, I really appreciated your comment on the last post. When you’re sick in a foreign place, decent advice like yours feels fantastic. * **phidauex** >Thanks for the update, I was one of the slightly skeptical, but trying to be helpful posters. >I’m very glad you are back safe, that makes the trip a success no matter what anyone says. >Thanks for posting more about your situation, hard to put yourself out there but it will help others learn and that is why we are here. >Good luck to you and I hope this doesn’t keep you out of the mountains forever, there is a whole world to explore in your back yard and you can now do so from the position of someone who has been there and seen how tough and complex it can get. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My blood oxygen is below 50, unsure what to do

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/185o3wm/my_blood_oxygen_is_below_50_unsure_what_to_do/

185o417

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/sokka11615 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITAH for breaking up with my gf because she said she was pregnant?** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation, double standards, verbal abuse, controlling behavior, claims of cheating!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/174d1sj/aitah_for_breaking_up_with_my_gf_because_she_said/?share_id=K197gTO3DrQljypkqCqNY&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Oct 9, 2023** I (20M) have been with my gf (21F) for one year. We are in college two states away from each other and doing long distance. At first everything was going smoothly. However, as time went on, she began to get upset over things that i believed to be minor. For example, following celebrities like Zendaya, and maintaining friendships with women who i knew before we started dating (who were also in our initial friend group). Over time I recognized this as a double standard because she would openly talk about male celebrities that she found attractive and would repost their posts on social media. There have been many times where she would give me ultimatums and tell me if i didn't do something (Removing women I've known for years from social media) she would break up with me. Recently whenever we would have arguments, she admittedly would say things with the intention of hurting my feelings and making me upset. The most recent example, a couple days ago she texted me saying that she was pregnant. After i tried to call her multiple times, she texted me that she wasn't sure if it was mine, implying that she had cheated on me with another man. She then told me that she was not pregnant, and that it was just a test/prank. When i asked her why she did it she said it was revenge for how I had made her feel. After all this I called her and told her I was breaking up with her. To which she responded with crying and begging me not to. She insists that she is sorry, and that she will change. I know she loves me but i don't know if she is actually going to change, or if she is just saying this so I will stay with her. AITA for breaking up with her or should i give her another chance? I genuinely want this to work but i feel like she's not willing to put in the effort to change so we can work through this. She has specifically told me in previous situations like this, that she wants to intentionally hurt my feelings when I do something that upsets her. She says that she didn't mean it but I don't know if I'm the asshole for standing by my decision to leave her. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17zgf2n/update_wibtah_for_sending_a_friend_a_reddit_post/?share_id=ov22gR573L1W2dohjZ2hy&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 19, 2023** For context, my friends and I made this post a little over a month ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/q0GDjF8b9m Please read it and come back so you can understand the full story. If you don’t feel like reading the post, here is a quick summary: Our friend’s girlfriend is a terrible person, and here is why… -She lied about being pregnant to our friend -Suggested that she cheated on him -Berated him for following female celebrities (like Madison Beer) but follows conventionally attractive male celebrities (like Timothee Chalamet and Tom Holland) -Threatens to break up with him over any minor inconvenience -Reposts TikToks about cheating on him, wanting to hurt him, and complaining about him -Won’t let him maintain friendships with women he's been friends with since elementary school -Reposts TikToks about wanting to fuck male celebrities -Admitted to wanting to physically abuse him -Has socially isolated him -He deleted Instagram Basically, she is a waking double standard. She is emotionally manipulating him, and she is a major narcissist. He is convinced that she loves him and that she just has a different way of showing it. We have tried to warn him time and time again, but he refuses to listen to us. We made this Reddit post to get some insight from the world on our friend’s situation. Unfortunately a few days after we made that post, his girlfriend travelled across states to visit him and they got back together. My friends and I are very torn about sending the Reddit post to him because we are unsure if he will be upset with us over it. We want him to read the post so he can hear what the comments have to say from an objective perspective since we all know her personally. He has already reblocked the girls who are in our friend group and has not been the same since he got back together with her. He has been declining our calls more often, being silent, not texting us back, and overall seeming sad. He is aware that this is not good but is convinced that she loves him and he does not want to leave her. We don't know what to do in this situation since we know this is clearly a toxic relationship. She hasn’t changed a bit from the last post we made, even though she promised him she would. Is it worth the risk of him being mad to show him the truth about her? &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITAH for breaking up with my gf because she said she was pregnant?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/185o417/aitah_for_breaking_up_with_my_gf_because_she_said/

185o4l4

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/rosylights **Boyfriend squeezed my throat for so long during sex I passed out. Red flag?** **Originally posted to** r/sex & r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Physical abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, threats of suicide, harassment, domestic violence, sexual assault, rape!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/s/cSqsSeEVmF)  **Dec 22, 2021** Hey guys, My boyfriend and I have a really really great relationship (I’m 21, hes 24). I love him and we’re on the same page about a lot of things and I can’t see myself with anyone else but him. Sex wise we’re both pretty much having sex twice a day, sometimes more since we both have a high libido and I can always go again and so can he. We also like very rough sex, and he’ll usually slap me/grab my hair which I really get turned on by and so does he. Recently he did something which scared the fuck out of me though, and I can’t get it out of my head. I was on top of him riding him and he was kissing my neck and then he started to put his hand around my throat. This is common for us (because I like him grabbing my throat) but this time he did it for wayyy too long and pressed super hard to the point where I blacked out and fell on top of him while we were having sex. I woke up after a few seconds and was super confused but he was still inside of me and he just tried to continue. I got really angry at him and he didn’t even try to apologise, just tried to continue having sex. When I spoke to him about it the next day he said that he’s always been that rough with me and that he’s Russian and he can’t help his roughness, which angered me even more because he was laughing. He said I looked like I was enjoying it up until I passed out so he didn’t stop. I’m angry he put me into danger and I’m honestly scared of him now. It’s one thing to make me unconscious but he seems like he doesn’t even care that he hurt me to that extent. I also have a bruise on my neck now but thankfully since it’s cold I can cover it with a scarf. All my friends are telling me to leave him because they’re saying he has serial killer tendencies. Idk I’m so confused and lost. I love him so so much but he honestly scared me. I don’t want to make him angry by bringing this up again because it seemed to have pissed him off. Shall I try to speak to him again? Edit: Just want to clarify I never actually said to him that I like being choked or introduced breath play into our relationship (I didn’t even know what that was until someone wrote it here). I like him grabbing my throat and that’s it. Nothing more. It’s the first time he actively squeezed/suffocated me and it was something we never ever agreed on. Edit: People think I’m an idiot because I’m asking if this incident is a red flag. Guys this is the first time he’s ever hurt me or made me feel this way. I’m not at all excusing his behaviour but It’s so out of the ordinary for him that I needed an outside opinion because even though I love my friends, they’re very biased when it comes to him. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **yoghurtyDucky** >I love that she put a “Red Flag?” question at the end of the title. He choked you until you are unconscience, he kept having sex with your limp body. What do you think the colour of this flag is lol. **OOP** >>Because I genuinely didn’t know if I’m overreacting? He’s never done anything like this and I am super confused at the entire situation. No need to be mean about it, I’m already beating myself up about the situation because we’re not on great terms since our argument. **Uisce-beatha** >>>Are you saying he is still angry at you over this? That's even more concerning that he is too dense to see what he did. It sounds like dude has a weak and unstable mind. Please don't apologize for your behavior in this situation. You did nothing wrong. **OOP** >>>>Yeah he is kinda. In honesty I did scream at him but it’s because I was really pissed at the fact he laughed when I expressed my fear. Idk maybe I could have handled it better but we’ve not really seen each other since. He’s been messaging me but it’s been kinda awkward since I’m expecting an apology which I don’t think I’ll get since he’s mad I screamed at him. But I wouldn’t have screamed at him if he didn’t hurt me? I think he’s  not trying to see where I’m coming from which is really upsetting me [Update - 1 year later](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/Z7rnyXxIIH)  **Dec 14, 2022** ***This is an update from a post I made on r/sex, see my post history*** Hey everyone, just over a year ago I posted an incident on Reddit between my boyfriend (m25) and I (f22) where he choked me during sex and I passed out. I wanted to update everyone because I didn’t expect so many people on Reddit to reach out to me. I still get messages today asking me if I’m OK and it’s really heart warming. I felt obliged to update everyone because I received a lot of messages. I honestly think Reddit saved my life because I only realised how abusive the guy was until I left the relationship. After the incident I cut contact with him for 3 months, basically ending the relationship. He pestered me non-stop with calls and visits to my house, even going as far as calling my sister at times. I felt really unsettled and scared that he would show up at my house out of the blue so I decided to stay at my brothers for a few months. One night he drunk called me like 7/8 times and I stupidly picked up. I think a part of me still worried for him at that point, so I thought he might be in danger. On the phone he told me how much he loves me, and how much he regrets hurting me.  He said he’s been feeling suicidal about our relationship ending. Anyway, this call was A LOT for me, and I stupidly went to him and tried to calm him down in the bar (I would have never gone to his house). He kept repeating he was suicidal because our relationship ended and how he can’t live without me. I felt so fucking shit and I started crying because I literally didn’t know what to do, being both scared of him and also scared of what he would do to himself. Anyway while I’m literally crying my eyes out, he literally looks so unfazed and I’m not even joking, not a SINGLE tear drops from his eyes when he’s telling me he’s feeling suicidal. The fact he also didn’t comfort me while I was crying was also terrifying. Anyway, fast forward a couple of weeks later, he calls me and verbally abuses me on the phone. My brother is sitting next to me, listening to the call with me, but I tell him not to say anything or intervene and to just record it. This guy literally calls me the most horrible, disgusting names. He says I’m ungrateful for everything he did for me. He also drops that he has a new girlfriend and basically wishes I rot in hell and become infertile.  At this point, I get super worried for his new girlfriend and go on insta and find out he posted her on his story. I message her to ask her to meet up because I have something serious to talk to her about and she agrees. One thing I’m super grateful for is that not once was she reluctant to speak to me and she was willing to hear me out about her boyfriend. We meet up and I tell her everything, from the choking, to the verbal abuse and suicidal threats. I even showed her the recording my brother had when he screamed on the phone. Her face literally pales and she started feeling sick so I try to calm her down. She told me how she’s been seeing him for 4 months (so while he’s been busy coming to my house, he also had a new girlfriend) and in the second month when they where coming back from drinks, he said something rude to her and she told him to shut up and he punched her cheek. When they woke up the next morning he apologised and said he had too much to drink and lost control. She said since he punched her, she’s been walking around eggshells and doesn’t confront him. She’s terrified to make him angry. She’s in the process of getting a restraining order on him and so am I. I feel really sorry for her but I told her what to do and where to go for safety. I sent her the previous post and told her to read all the comments because they are honestly life saving. I told her to always let people know where she is and have find my location on. She has my name saved under a different name because we’re scared if he finds out we know each other he might come after both of us. My ex is not mentally stable and I’m so afraid for both of us. Thankfully, my brother is very aware of the situation and since I’m staying with him I feel a bit safe. But I can never shake the paranoia of him coming out of somewhere and attacking me. Honestly, I will probably move far, far away from my city to get away from all of this. I’m 22 but this has honestly scared me away from all future relationships and men in general. Regardless, I want to thank all of you for everything. I never expected Reddit to help me with such a difficult situation but it did. Thank you. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **CrazyCatLadyForEva** >So glad you got out and even saved another woman from him. You are amazing! Stay strong and keep healing from this. Someday, once you’re ready, you’ll see that there’s many men out there who are amazing. >Sending you hugs and positive vibes! * **TroublesomeTurnip** >You are very brave and I'm glad you've moved on and even helped someone stuck in your position. Best of luck moving forward, am glad you're safe! **ONE LAST COMMENT FROM OOP** Thank you! I couldn’t have lived with myself if I knew anything happened to her. She only recently turned 20 too so she’s even younger than I am. Seems like he keeps going younger and younger with the girls he’s dating and that’s probably because he knows he can manipulate them more easily. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Boyfriend squeezed my throat for so long during sex I passed out. Red flag?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/185o4l4/boyfriend_squeezed_my_throat_for_so_long_during/

185o57c

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRAs7 **I (26m) humiliated and shattered my gf's (25f) confidence** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, misogyny, assault, abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/kHvlPczyJK)  **March 25, 2023** My gf (25f)  and I (26m) moved in together last year. We live in a fairly safe neighborhood, but during the night there are some sketchy drunk men hanging around who also scare me quite honestly. My gf however wasn't really scared to walk alone at night and would say that she's just as strong as those men and can take care of herself. My gf is 5'10" and works out 2 times a week. She's indeed very strong compared to most women, but she was obviously delusional to think that her strength was comparable to that of an average man. She would even go as far as saying that if someone should be worried for walking alone at night then it should be me as I'm a scrawny 5'9" man. I thought this was one of the situations where it would be better to just shut up than being correct, so I mostly stopped showing my concerns to her. Yesterday she went out with some of her friends and called me at 1am that she'll come alone via public transportation (she doesn't have a license). I told her that it's dangerous and I should come pick her up, but she insisted on coming by herself. I couldn't sleep till she came home an hour later. She was so angry at me for not trusting her that she can take care of herself. That was when I decided to demonstrate her the disparity between the strength of men and women. She thought I was joking at first but when she realized that I was dead serious, she happily took the opportunity to prove how wrong I was. I basically told her to ground me as hard as she can, and then I quickly got out of her grip and grounded her for several minutes till she surrendered. She cried a lot throughout this whole time and I could also see the fear in her eyes, even though she knew very well that I would never hurt her. I humiliated her. I slept on the couch that night. She didn't want to talk about it in the morning and said that she's fine, but she's still obviously very upset about it. I feel horrible that I've shattered her confidence like that, and I don't think she will ever feel safe walking alone at night again. I'm probably a really horrible person for doing that and I wish I could had just trusted her more to take care of herself. I know this relationship is probably over, but is there anything I could do to make up for it? tl;dr: I demonstrated to my gf the disparity between the strength of men and women trying teach her a lesson. I humiliated and shattered her confidence in the process and feel terrible for what I did. Can I do something to make up for it? EDIT: I can't possibly answer all of your comments. What I did was an assault, I admit it. I can't express how sorry I am for doing that. I thought I was doing the right thing, but instead I assaulted her by trying to prevent exactly that. Don't learn from me, but please keep yourself safe out there, if not for you, then for the ones who love you. **TOP COMMENTS** **doomer_irl** >“My girlfriend thought she was tough enough to defend herself so I assaulted her” >You didn’t shatter her confidence, buddy, you engaged in domestic violence. * **rotatingruhnama** >The fuck did I just read. >You harmed and terrified your girlfriend to win an argument? * **ProtopetPhantom** >The problem is you proved your point and then took it too far.. you shouldn’t have made her cry in fact you only needed to show her she couldn’t hold you down. You need some self reflection [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/liJNd9u3Ba)  **June 11, 2023** It's been two and a half months since my original post, and I thought it'd be appropriate to give you an update after some recent events. I actually already tried to do an update a few days later, but I was such a wreak mentally and deleted it shortly after. So I'll get straight to the point, she broke up with me the next day over the phone. She wanted me to admit that I enjoyed seeing her cry, but I kept defending myself till she gave up. But deep down I knew that she was right. I'm not ashamed to say now that I was a bit aroused by overpowering her so easily and seeing her cry. I know how horrible it sounds, and I'm definitely not proud of it, but I think that acknowledging my flaws and being open about them is the first step in overcoming them. The next few days after the break up were probably some of the worst days in my life. I thought that I've lost everything, including my self respect. I decided to go to therapy and take a break from dating for the foreseeable future. Luckily, I also had the support of my family and close friends, even if they didn't fully agree with my actions. For those of you who say that she needed a reality check, I have to disagree with you on this one. Yes, she overestimated her strength, but she's not dumb enough to actually engage in a fight with a stranger, let alone a drunk man. Being cautious has nothing to do with strength, and now I believe that she was also right to get a bit mad at me for having little to no faith in her. Trying to demonstrate how much stronger I was at 2am was just plain stupid though. I haven't heard from my ex till she gave me a call two days ago. We barely talked about the incident though, it was mostly just catching up and making peace with each other. She's doing pretty great actually. She's about to graduate with her masters and already has a job lined up. She started dating a new guy last month, and I can tell by the way she talked that she's very into him. She signed up for a swing class (which is something that she wanted to do for the longest time but didn't do it because of me), which is also where she met her new bf. What she didn't do however is to sign up for a self defense class, which honestly I kind of expected. Overall I was glad to hear how happy she sounded. I'm also doing pretty good myself, although I'm still on my break from dating and I don't see myself getting into another relationship for at least a year. Last month I also got to experience how my ex felt when I was overly worried for her safety. I went with my family to a trip in Naples, and while we had our apartment in a fairly safe part of the city, it was just a few blocks away from some sketchy alleys during the night. So when I craved for a good pizza (in a specific place) during one of the nights there, my mom got very vocal about not wanting me to go to that place because of how sketchy some of the alleys on the way there looked like. I tried to convince her that she has nothing to worry about but to no avail, and then it dawned on me that this is probably how my ex felt when I expressed my concerns to her. Eventually, I decided to go to that place the next day during daytime instead. Was definitely worth it though. I'm genuinely happy with how things went for both of us, although I still miss her sometimes, and hearing her voice again just made me miss her even more. But I know that it'd probably be better for us to just move on with our lives separately. I also plan to continue with my therapy sessions, even though I feel completely fine by now. The reason is very simple, it's just to have someone that I can talk to without feeling judged. Reddit isn't really the best place for that as you could probably tell from my original post, but I still want to thank everyone who commented and gave their opinion. **TOP COMMENTS** **Comfortable-Yam-5561** >“I was a bit aroused by overpowering her so easily and seeing her cry.” >That’s a hectic statement to make my dude. I’m at a loss of words.. Definitely seeing a therapist for those type of dark thoughts is a good idea. * **Emerdaldgyal** >Very glad she broke up with you. You are 26 years old and you took your gf to the ground…….. I would have sent my uncles after you after that shit tbh. The fact that you admit you were aroused by that…….  This is why we say all men. Women will never be safe with men like you in the world. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (26m) humiliated and shattered my gf's (25f) confidence

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/185o57c/i_26m_humiliated_and_shattered_my_gfs_25f/

186338o

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ayudayudaydua **in** r/TrueOffMyChest and her user account **trigger warnings:** >!none!< **mood spoilers:** >!sweet!< **Original BoRU is** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z8zguo/oop_finds_out_her_girlfriend_of_1_year_is_deaf_as/) **- posted by** u/kattscallion **New updates are from 30th November 2022 and marked by 🚨🚨** [**I’m finding out my girlfriend of 1 year is deaf as I’m on the bus on my way to see her for the first time**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yr61v8/im_finding_out_my_girlfriend_of_1_year_is_deaf_as/) **- 10th November 2022** Holy shit I’m trembling, still 6 hours until I make it. I need to let it out somewhere I (f20) met her (f21) in a match of LoL two years ago. We talked a lot, became really close and basically started dating one year ago. We send each other pictures all the time and videos as well so I never understood her apprehension to facetime me. We tell each other everything, I mean EVERYTHING. She’s presented me her parents and I know all her family. Today I was gonna surprise her by visiting for the first time. I talked with her sister to make sure it was ok. Less than 30 mins ago I get a text from her (and im copypasting a translated version) : “Hey love you are so sweet and beautiful and you deserve so much better. I know you are coming because S told me. I’m sorry to ruin your surprise is just I’d hate to see your face when you find out. I know we promised to always be truthful but I’ve been lying to you all this time. “ That was her first paragraph and I was shitting myself cause I thought she was breaking up with me, but then she continued: “You are too caring to ask why I never speak, why I never sent you a voice note. You are just too perfect and there’s no way you’d be with me if you knew. The reason is very simple, I was born deaf. I’m sorry you have to find out this way. I’m just a coward for not telling you sooner. I’ll understand if you don’t wanna be with me anymore” Holy fuck I was expecting something totally different and now I’m scared cause I’ve never interacted with a deaf person and I want to make sure she gets that I love her either way. I’m still in disbelief that she thought it’d a deal breaker for me. La concha de la lora I’m scared and needed to let it all out. Sorry for the long text Edit: thank you so much for your support guys. I made another post explaining everything. Have an amazing day! &#x200B; **Comments** &#x200B; **Lowland-lady** *Naawh. You sound like a good person.* *Please i need a update about you guys.* >Holy fuck I was expecting something totally different and now I’m scared cause I’ve never interacted with a deaf person and I want to make sure she gets that I love her either way\*\*\* *Tell her she can probably read lips or use your phone.* *Maybe overtime learn sign language?* &#x200B; [**Update: I'm finding out my girlfriend of 1 year is deaf as I'm on the bus on my way to see her for the first time.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yrwi35/update_im_finding_out_my_girlfriend_of_1_year_is/) **- 11th November 2022** ‘Holy shit’ that’s how I would describe my whole experience. I’m back in my house now and I’m still processing everything that happened. I texted her I was outside and my hands were shaking. I had no idea what to do (i asked her if she can lipread and she said very little). When she opened the door her eyes were already wet and when she saw me she broke down crying, and I started crying as well. I stopped thinking and just hugged her. I started speaking soothing words until I realized it was useless:/ After we both calmed down we went to her room and started typing in our cellphones to talk to each other. At the beginning it was kinda awkward but after a while it was pretty chill:) We cuddled a lot, watched a lot of movies and kissed a lot. It was a really beautiful day. There were some fuck ups from my side…out of the blue I’d start speaking to her until I saw her confused face. I called her by her name when I was searching from her and tried to show her funny tiktoks(the funny part being the audio yeah im stupid I know) But overall it was an amazing day. She is more perfect than I could ever imagine. Thank you for all the words of support in the other post! I appreciate you guys:) Edit: thank you so much for the kind words, when i posted it never expected to get so many comments. I’m grateful for all your suggestions and tips but maybe it’s important to mention that we speak spanish… And as far as I understand asl is not the same in spanish so I have a lot of work to do :D Have a great night! &#x200B; **Comments** **throwaway070303** *Well, seems like you’ve got a new language to learn my friend. Have fun!* &#x200B; **🚨🚨 New updates start here 🚨🚨** [**Update: I'm finding out my girlfriend of 1 year is deaf as I'm on the bus on my way to see her for the first time.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z948he/update_im_finding_out_my_girlfriend_of_1_year_is/) **- 30th November 2022** I know nobody cares but I still need to vent. It’s been almost three weeks since we saw irl, she stayed last weekend at my place and we had a great time. But every time I wanted to say something and couldn’t and had to type it, i felt frustation and anger. Because just now it’s hitting me that she could have told me (just like yall said) and i’d already know at least a little bit of sign. It angers me because she knows how I am, she knows me better than anyone and still she thought I wouldn’t love her. I know it’s more of a ‘me’ issue but still I can’t help feeling sad. I don’t want this to ruin our relationship and i know i have to talk to her but i guess im not ready yet Edit: Thank you for the words of encouragement and support. I appreciate them, I read all your comments but they are too many and I’d be all day long replying:( For those of you that say it was never real because we never saw each other are wrong. I never said we didn’t send each other pictures or videos. She sent me a lot of videos of her doing stuff but just never speaking. I did the same but I spoke a lot in my videos cause i didnt know:/ so yeah call our relationship fake all you want, only we know what we have **Comments** **femundsmarka** *You had a lot of responses pointing out where she came from, and that's ok, but your anger is valid in every sense. You do not need to pursue the relationship further, of you do not want. I know, you did say something otherwise, but just sayin. But you should definitely have a talk about honesty and a relationship as a trustful environment. It is extremely important.* &#x200B; >OOP: Hey thanks for the kind comment. I do not want to leave her, I really love her. I know we have to talk but I don’t want my current feelings to make me say things I’ll regret :( &#x200B; **xparapluiex** *“Hey so. I discovered I’m upset you kept this from me, and a little insulted. I don’t want to break up (or maybe you do idk), but I do want to address this.* *I’ve told you so much about me. You know me better than basically everyone in my life. But you didn’t tell me. It feels like you lied to me for months. I’m having trouble with those feelings.* *It wouldn’t have been a deal breaker for me. I know you probably have had issues with this before, so I’m trying not to be judge mental. I know you didn’t do this to be mean. But it still hurts.* *If I had known I could have started to learn sign language already so we could talk in person rather than through our phones in text. I’m upset I didn’t get the choice to continue.* *I still like you, but this is where I am.”* *And then discuss where you both go from here.* &#x200B; >OOP:Wow thank you so much, you expressed how I feel better than i could ever put into words (its not really my strong suit). I’ll use it as a guide:) thank you so much &#x200B; [**Update: I’m finding out my girlfriend of 1 year is deaf as I’m on the bus on my way to see her for the first time. (final update)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zbm2l5/update_im_finding_out_my_girlfriend_of_1_year_is/) **- 3rd December 2022** Hey guys this is my last post because I’m ready to move on and you helped me a lot so you deserve to know how it all went. We talked, I wrote what I was feeling and thinking (using a comment as inspiration from an amazing redditor, thank you stranger). She completely understood what I felt and where it came from. She apologized profusely (she has already done that a couple of times) and told me it was okay if I break up with her. We talked hours about honesty and communication and we both put our cards on the table. At the end I told her I still love her and she told me the same. We cried, laughed and hugged a lot. It was tough for moments but I think the worst part is already over. I’m already looking for sign language classes and I know the alphabet :) I’m sure this whole thing has helped to strengthen our relationship. Thank you to all that commented and gave advice, I appreciate it. Have a great day:D &#x200B; **Comments** **Technical\_Pumpkin\_65** *You see communication is the key now do your best in class and enjoy your relationship!* &#x200B; *Edit - fixed the dates and the gender of OOP's account.* **Reminder - I am not the original poster. Do not harass OOP.**

[Final Update] OOP finds out her girlfriend of 1 year is deaf as she's on the bus on my way to see her for the first time.

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/186338o/final_update_oop_finds_out_her_girlfriend_of_1/

18635bt

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Reasonable_Read222 **in** r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: >!emotional abuse, Bipolar Disorder, possible parental neglect/abuse!< mood spoilers: >!slightly positive!<   [**AITA for excluding my "adopted sister" from family photos?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17qskg8/aita_for_excluding_my_adopted_sister_from_family/) **- 8th November 2023** I am 26F and my "adopted sister" Ally is 14F. The way we're "related" is that my younger brother Michael (24M) has been with his wife Maya (24F) since their freshman year of high school. Maya and Ally are sisters and had a really bad home life and my mom is very much a "my home is open to everyone" type of person, so over that year Maya began spending more and more time at our house, eventually bringing Ally over as well since she was always babysitting. By the time Michael and Maya were 16 years old, Maya basically lived in the guest room and Ally spent after school, most weekends, holidays, and summer vacation at our house. My mom and dad say that they love both Maya and Ally like their own children. My other siblings (18M and 16F) also treat her like she's a part of the family. Even after Maya and Michael moved out, Ally is still at their house the same amount, if not more than she was before. Now to preface, I have nothing against Ally. She's a good kid and I make an effort to be nice to her. However, I've never really liked how she was foisted into our lives. She's not actually adopted and she *still has parents and her own family*. Yet my parents spend so much time and resources on her, it's ridiculous. Everyone else has started unironically calling her their daughter or sister and I've refused. I just don't consider her to be family. Anyways, I got married recently, which is where the issues start. I invited Ally to the wedding, of course, and she came with all of my other family. When we were doing pictures of the wedding parties, I decided that I wanted one with all of my immediate family (so my parents, my siblings, and Maya, and Maya and Michael's daughter). My mom brought Ally up to come take the picture with us and I was forced to tell her no. My mom started to get upset but then Ally said it was okay and sat down by herself. My mom isn't a very confrontational person so she didn't make a big deal of it but then everyone else realized that Ally wasn't there and they got mad as well. Ultimately, we took the photo how I wanted it because they "didn't want to do this at my wedding" but my entire family is pissed at me now. My mom said that Ally cried when she got home because I don't love her, which I don't. I feel like they forced into a position where I had to do an asshole thing by forcing this kid onto me. I don't think I should have to consider her family if I don't want to. AITA? Edit: After the ceremony but before the reception, the wedding party and both of our close family's took photos. I did not include Ally in this photo session and she sat with the rest of the regular guests waiting for dinner. I did not intentionally exclude her from any of the photos taken. I'm sure she's in some of them from throughout the night especially because she was there with my family. I hope that clears some things up. **Comments** &#x200B; >OOP:Her father went to prison a couple of years ago and her mom is bipolar. She has a room at her mom's house and stays there on some school nights because her mom goes batshit if she's gone for too long. I know she doesn't like to be at her own house but it's not like she's being beaten. > >I guess that's also part of the reason that I didn't appreciate Ally's presence in our lives because it invited her mother's presence as well and she is deeply unpleasant to be around. &#x200B; **Refroof25** *YTA. Emotional abuse isn't less than physical abuse.* *Abuse is abuse and Maya had an abusive household.* &#x200B; **dobbysreward** *INFO: Did you do another photo with everyone included?* >OOP: No. I just wanted a family photo and, to me, Ally isn't family. She was just another guest. &#x200B; **Malibu921** *By your logic, Maya isn't either.* >OOP: Maya was in the photos because my niece is a newborn and I wanted my niece in them. **mturbe20** *If that's your logic, could your brother not hold his own daughter?* *ETA Judgement: YTA big time. Just say you do not like her and move on.* &#x200B; >OOP on her parents: I wasn't neglected by my parents, I didn't mean for it to come off like that. I just didn't need another sister and I didn't/don't like having one forced into my life. I feel like I shouldn't need to love someone that isn't blood and who I didn't choose. &#x200B; **Judgement - Heavily YTA** [**Update in the same post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17qskg8/aita_for_excluding_my_adopted_sister_from_family/) **- 8th November 2023** **The people who are agreeing with me are starting to convince me that I'm wrong.** To the people calling my parents nasty things in my pms or just saying that they aren't good people: you're dead wrong. My mom is the most caring and kind-hearted woman in the world and I should have made that more clear in my post. To be clear, I am also not a monster. I don't mistreat Ally. I get her birthday and Christmas gifts every year. &#x200B; ***However I am starting to understand that I did do a shitty thing by publicly excluding her at my wedding because I wanted it to be how exactly how I imagined, especially because my mom was apparently blindsided by my feelings.*** &#x200B; I was 16-18 when Ally started coming around a lot and I didn't form the same bond everyone else did. I never super liked being around kids, including my sister who by all accounts behaved way worse than Ally ever did. &#x200B; ***But I recognize that she's become a part of our family. And I think I'm going to make more of an effort to get to know her properly, because I do know she is very mature and intelligent for her age.*** &#x200B; Also, I don't mean to minimize what Maya and Ally have gone through. By saying she wasn't physically abused, I moreso meant to explain why she hadn't been legally removed from her mother's house. She does have extended family that actually cares about her but they live at minimum an hour away so she stays with my parents the majority of the time. Thank you for all of your input.   **Comments** &#x200B; **Confident-Test-7948** *Sounds like might have seen the light but that was the most heartless thing I've heard of in a long time. The two girls are lucky enough to find a loving home and become part of a family and then... Just kidding, you are really aren't part of the family. It's the you aren't wanted all over again.* *You need to look in the mirror and see if you like that person.* &#x200B; **Angry1980Christmas** *YTA but I see that you've already begun to change your thought process.* *Congrats. Family isn't always blood.* &#x200B; *Edit - changed BPD to Bipolar Disorder on the trigger warnings.* **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for excluding my 'adopted sister' from family photos at my wedding?

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18635bt/aita_for_excluding_my_adopted_sister_from_family/

186hezk

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/mescalinebabies **Originally posted to** r/antiwork **Possibly going to get fired for "appearance and grooming"... due to a stain on my skin** Trigger Warnings: >!possible hostile workplace, potential discrimination!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/1815n2t/possibly_going_to_get_fired_for_appearance_and/) - **Nov 22, 2023** Literally don't know where else to go but I work nights shift at a hotel. When I first got hired I had multiple facial piercings in ans a funky way of dressing and doing my hair. They originally wanted me to be clean cut but after some back and forth they've let me keep my piercings in so as long as I dress business casual. Fair. So I wear plain button ups and pencil skirts with tights. No biggie. At one point I had dyed my hair (black) and the dye I used changed their formula so it stained my skin like CRAZY. I soaked my hands in hot water for almost 20 minutes, tried dish soap, tried rubbing alcohol. Still stained. Whatever. I go into work and a girl that had recently been promoted to manager (1 month ago) saw and was like oh! Can you get that off your skin? And I said no and demonstrated using hand sanitizer to show that it was deeply stained. We kinda laughed it off and she was like ok well next time don't do that before work. Fair. That was about 2 weeks ago and today in my email I see I'm being called in for a performance review meeting. And attached is a FINAL WARNING (meaning any further action is termination) due to violating dress code. The only infraction that's listed under "examples of violation"? Hair dye stains on hands and arms. The email discussed "how they're going to proceed further with my employment".. I'm literally gagged. I can't believe this. This is the only time I've ever gotten a warning here, verbal or written. I almost feel like crying. A final warning over accidental dye stains that I can't remove? Plus I work night shift!! No one barely sees me. I'm at a loss over what to do. I looked over the handbook and it does say we have to be well groomed but I've never called out, barely ever late, always do the work before it's due and I get great reviews from guests. I'm actually heartbroken. I work a position that no one wants to work. Has something like this happened to anyone else? What do I do? &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Mamasgoldenmilk:** First thing you need to do is print out or forward that email to yourself. You should look in the handbook for how they handle disciplinary actions to see if they skipped steps >**OP:** I did look at the handbook and there are two skipped steps - first step is a verbal warning that is noted in employee file and second step is a 1st written warning. The warning I was sent was the 3rd step which is "final warning". I work in an at-will employment state so technically they could just fire me without any of this but the fact that there are skipped steps is adding to my confusion. **walk_through_this:** It's likely something that they are not really allowed yo discipline/disapprove of. I would avoid taking this tack. I would stick to the 'This was an injury, not a fashion choice.' Treat the staining of your skin for what it is, an injury. You did not intend to stain your skin, an accident caused something to happen to your body that you did not wish and now there is an unwelcome visual indicator of that accident. Just because it doesn't hurt does not mean that it's not an injury. If they press, ask if you can have sick leave until it clears up, because they're suggesting that you can't do your job with this condition. But emphasize that this is no more your choice than a car accident or a fall down the stairs. >**OP:** The condition cleared up withint 1 day. The incident where I came in with stained skin was over 2 weeks ago and only lasted one shift. It technically could count as an injury or allergic reaction but the fact that I'm being written up over 2 weeks later for this is concerning &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/181lo74/update_to_possibly_getting_fired_over_dye_stains/) - **Nov 22, 2023 (Same day, 13 hours later)** EDIT NO. 2: thank you everyone for the feedback. I did do some research and with labor laws taken into account, this is not a violation of labor laws although it does appear that my employers are taking advantage of vagueness around employee rights laws. I won't be pursuing this legally - however this is something I am still considering bringing to the labor board along with other things discussed in the meetings I won't be disclosing here. And to address one final thing, I'm not pentecostal. Me not owning or wearing pants isn't for religious reasons and my work knew this prior to creating this rule. It looks like everyone that said that said that this was a new manager making an attempt to throw weight around as well as use me as an example is correct. I'm not quitting my job, I'm going to search for a new one until they fire me since it seems like eventually they're going to head in this direction. Oh well. So a few hours ago I got out of the meeting. I did read as many comments as possible and listened to everyone's opinions. I promised an update soo.. I get to the meeting and despite all the listed issues only regarding hair dye stains, sure enough it was a laundry list of problems they had for me. The meeting consisted of two mid-level managers, one recently promoted. I was basically not able to plead my case at all in this meeting and I was talked over if I tried. They called it a "performance review" and when I asked for further clarification on whether or not this was a disciplinary meeting it went unanswered. In the meeting they told me that the hair dye stains, despite being accidental and lasting only one day, had caused them to review the dress code and what they deemed appropriate (because as you guys pointed out the dress code was extremely vauge) No hair dye stains were added to the list however they made a few other changes that they fully admitted were done solely because of me. The big change they've made to the dress code is no skirts. No skirts at all. Not knee length, ankle length, none. I am currently the only employee that chooses to wear skirts and upon me being hired I double checked that that would be ok. I've never received a verbal warning or write up for my skirts. I asked if it was because of length, as I usually go for just above the knee however it's not outlined in the dress code and they did not specify and went forth in banning skirts despite me being the only person that wears them. I don't own pants and informed them of this. They essentially said get some and told me they'd be providing me with a future uniform credit. They didn't even give me a write up or make me sign anything but they did attempt to make me sign the new uniform agreement, which I did not do because I don't own pants and I don't want to sign an agreement saying I have to wear them. This just seems ridiculous to me. Especially since when I was called in for the meeting i was supposed to be getting a final warning write up that I was never given. I also want to note that in this meeting they told me I would no longer be allowed to eat at the front desk, however on my shift I am not permitted to clock out to take a 30 minute break nor do I have anyone to cover me at the desk to step away to eat. They kinda said it last minute so I wasn't able to process it. All in all I'm confused. What they called me in for doesn't track with what the meeting ended up focusing on, and while not being fired is awesome, the way I was treated during this meeting made me feel horrible and like I did something wrong. I even asked about my performance work-wise during the meeting and they had no complaints. What's going to happen to me if I don't wear pants? Is it legal for them to force me to wear pants and not eat for 8 hours? Help yall... &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

Possibly going to get fired for "appearance and grooming"... due to a stain on my skin

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/186hezk/possibly_going_to_get_fired_for_appearance_and/

186hf1a

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/vic_ticious **Originally posted to** r/bridezillas **AITA for not inviting my siblings to my wedding?** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, exploitation!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/comments/17gkq21/aita_for_not_inviting_my_siblings_to_my_wedding/?share_id=hjtRO5Wr5mfYERyIe-2Rx&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Oct 25, 2023** My sister (34F) and her husband (36M) just got married 3 months ago. I (30F) was appointed MOH. I was so excited to help her plan her wedding and I took on most of the work since i was unemployed at the time and she's a doctor. I wont get into details but take note she didn't have a wedding planner. It was all me. The time leading up to the wedding, I was miserable because of how the bride treated me. I felt like her own personal slave that she felt she could kick around because "she's the bride". Just because youre a bride doesnt mean you get a free pass to be a bitch. Many times I wanted to just step out of the wedding party but i kept telling myself to just bite my tongue and keep the peace because she's probably just stressed. After doing SO MUCH for her, she refused to invite my fiance even if we've been together for 12 years but invited my siblings' partners who have been around for only 2-3yrs. My sister and her guy dated for a year before they got engaged so we don't really know him too well. She said she didnt want my fiance around because people would be asking about my own wedding since they've all been wanting us to get married for a while. I refused to do any more work for her wedding until she apologised to me and invited my fiance, which she did. Not exactly sincerely but whatever. I was hurt she wasn't even grateful for anything that I had done for her and her dream wedding because it was EXPECTED OF ME to help. Cut to the day of the wedding and everything was fine. The ceremony was beautiful and the couple was happy. I was happy for my sister. By the time we got to the reception venue, I noticed that my fiance and I were on a separate table from my family. They were at the vip table and I was cast aside to sit at the furthest table right beside the kitchen. I figured there was a mistake and i calmly asked the bride about it since she handled the seating plan. She looked me dead in the eye and said there's no mistake, that's where we belong. At the kids table and far away. (We were seated with 7-14yr olds). The groom overheard us and agreed with me but kept quiet when my sister gave him this 'don't you dare disagree with me' look. (At the end of the night, the groom apologised to my parents for what happened to me and said he had no clue his bride did that. But he didnt say a word to me as his bride told him not to) Because of this, I decided to not make an issue and just try to enjoy the remainder of the night with my partner but I wouldn't make a MOH speech. My parents noticed where I was and got upset at the situation as well. My siblings knew very well I wasn't at their table but didn't bother looking for me or wondering why I wasn't seated there. When they heard I wasn't making a speech, my 2 brothers walked to my table to tell me off saying I had to understand my sister and the stress of being a bride, be nice to her because it's her special day and you're only a bride once (yeah right I bet they'll divorce), that I'm a disgrace and a disgusting disappointment for not doing a speech for my sister, that I would make my sister sad and I was being selfish making the night about me (when I was literally quiet in our corner). Needless to say, I wasn't having the best time. So we got up and left. We ended up in McDonald's for dinner and I posted a story of us getting burgers saying "post wedding meal". I made sure I posted it after the reception ended to not make it look like I ditched but my siblings saw this as an attack to my sister somehow. Up to this day, the bride says she did nothing wrong and her reasoning for putting me there was (1) I didn't plan her wedding exactly like she envisioned during the process so I deserved to sit there (when i was doing everything she told me she wanted), (2) she didn't like that I looked pretty in my gown and (3) I needed to be punished for insisting on bringing my fiance... I didn't plan for my own wedding yet as I wanted to be 100% focused on hers (plus she banned me from getting married before her since she's older...again because i didnt want the drama, i agreed.) But now I just don't want anyone there except my parents and a few close friends. My parents agree with me but my siblings are upset calling me childish but to be completely honest, I just don't feel like paying for shit people. Mine is a destination wedding and my fiance and i are paying for everything. These are our savings and I don't feel like splurging on these people. They along with my grandparents and cousins are all saying i'm wrong. But hey if I was excluded from being a sibling at my sister's wedding and no one cared, then why would you be upset if I excluded you in return? &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Echo-Azure:** OP, wedding planning issues aside, one possible explanation for all this is that your sister really dislikes your fiancee. >**OP:** In regards to my fiance, there's nothing he did to her to warrant being treated so rudely. We started dating when we were quite young and I (as well as my parents) love him very much. He was my best friend for a long time and still is my favorite person to this day. My sister always hated that I had a boyfriend before she did because she believed i wouldn't ever get married because of my disability (i am epileptic). Her husband was her first boyfriend and she married him right away because she wants babies ASAP (since she's already 34 and her goal was to be married before 30) to the point that she started planning and booking vendors even before he actually proposed to her. So basically, she's pretty insane. Her actions are always based on jealousy and the fact that I shouldn't be able to have things if she hasn't had them first because she's the eldest. i.e. boyfriend, engagement, wedding, kids, etc. That's why she said I couldn't get married before her because it was already a 'slap in her face' that I got engaged younger than her. Basically she hates that I'm happy. She doesn't hate him, she hates me. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/comments/181is64/update_aita_for_not_inviting_my_siblings_to_my/?share_id=Zw_mpK7Sxn97OaCjO2kuO&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 22, 2023** Hi again. So I'll answer a few questions and leave a quick update. I (30F) come from a family of 5 kids. I failed to mention this because i didnt think it was all that relevant but I actually have 2 sisters (34 and 32) and 2 brothers (26 and 22). A little more on my sisters... they're the best of friends. They're the picture perfect model of sisterly love. While I'm the middle child with 2 younger brothers. So why did i agreee to be MOH? well because i thought it would bring us closer. In my mind, i believed that this was her trying to be more of a sister to me. You always hear stories of that sisterly bond around weddings and I tried to nurture that because that's what they had. And that sibling bond is what my brothers had with each other as well. Any chance I'd get to connect with my sisters, I'd jump at the opportunity. Its more me just feeling left out than being a doormat. I was a very sickly child and that is why I was mostly with just my parents growing up while my siblings would be going out, meeting friends, etc. Which is what my siblings envied apparently. They aren't close to my parents. Bride had both of us as MOH because she "couldnt choose just 1". I later found out that i was always the second option and i was just appointed MOH so I'd do all the work while other MOH got all the praise. Which in hindsight, I should've seen coming. While my brothers were busy harassing me about giving my MOH speech, sister 2 was giving her own MOH speech about how she absolutely loves the bride and will do anything for her, all that cr*p. She then conveniently calls all the siblings to the stage to toast the bride and groom when I was crying and rushing out/walking away from my brothers. So to the other relatives in attendance, I was "making a scene" and "making it about me". No, it's not the first time she hurt me, (fat shamed me as a child calling me a potato, saying things like i was a burden to the family because of my epilepsy, throwing all my make up in the sink and wetting it because i moved her bath towel in the bathroom, calling me the stupid low IQ sister even if I'm a licensed Architect with a masters degree when her guy friends wanted to ask for my number, taking my dream church from me which is why fiance said we could do a destination wedding at my dream country instead) it's just the worst she's done to spite me in front of my entire family. And no, we still haven't spoken since then and she still maintains that I was the one who "ruined everything" by getting upset about the seating. Now for the update. We will elope. Just us 2 and a handful of close friends that were there for us since the beginning of our relationship. We'll have a small church wedding and a little celebration on the beach with the people we love -our chosen family, followed by island hopping with our entire party around the Philippines! All paid by us. Because I WILL spend on memories and experiences for people that love and appreciate us. The budget we set aside for a wedding in Italy will be put to an intimate 5 day wedding celebration on an island in the Philippines. 2. We will have our "reception" with the family when we get back home. The plan is to invite both our big families to a luncheon the weekend after. Collectively, this would mean about 80 guests max. Both our parents wanted to help pay for the engagement party and rehearsal dinner. They agreed to pay for this luncheon/reception instead meaning they could invite whomever they please. They handle the guest list so if my siblings are invited, i couldnt care less because I'll be too busy with my husband of 1-2 weeks by then. Here we can still have the father daughter dance and a few other things like cake slicing, etc. We'll have piñatas, a brick oven pizza cart, coffee and pretzels, and an amazing italian buffet with a pasta bar, lots of fresh fruit and CHEESE (because who doesn't like cheese??) As for seating plan, ever watched mama mia 1? Yeahp. Think that. A long winding table where my siblings can be as far away from me as possible, and as close to the service area as possible without it being obvious because theyll all be together at their own 'siblings table'. We'll be in the center with my fiance, his 2 brothers and our parents will be next to us, while my wonderful sibs are by the end of the table, by the restrooms, where they belong. I don't care at all if they're invited to this lunch because I really have nothing left for them. Not even anger. I'm just so done with them that I'd feel more for a stranger on the street than I would for these people. It's indifference. They've hurt me so many times that I'm numb to their existence. 3. No bridezilla allowed. My sister expects to be my MOH in return. Definitely not going to happen since my siblings won't be present in the ceremony. I do not need her around, I do not want her around. Yes, she will be invited out of courtesy to the reception most likely but i will make sure she's set aside like i was. How so? We recently found out she's pregnant so I'm planning my wedding around her due date. (OH WELL) luckily, she's due around June which really was the month we wanted. So if she does decide to attend with a newborn and her huz, well then, she's going to be at the kiddie table and told to step out when baby starts to cry. In the end, our wedding day is for us. And eloping is the only way I feel like we could just sit and enjoy our special day together away from all my siblings and family issues. Then we get back, have a get together lunch with soome good food and good fun. Which is really all it is to me - a lunch. Luckily, fiancé's fam isn't as insane as mine is. So there you have it! Thank you all for your messages and comments and insights. I really was going a bit loco back then thinking I was overreacting but thank you so much for the clarity. Cheers to the end of this emotionally draining year! xx &nbsp; **Outrageous_Smile_996:** But you will invite them to the party, it's like saying "no matter what happened come to my wedding". Sorry but I think there is no way to avoid drama with these siblings, >**OP:** Thank you for the concern but they aren't coming to the wedding, just a lunch after the fact (as in minimum 2 weeks after my wedding). They can do whatever drama they want during lunch because they'll be the ones who look bad and id just laugh. I would've been married by then and done celebrating with my closest friends weeks prior. So by then I'd just be enjoying some pizza and wine with the huz✌️ **paingry;** OP said they're jealous of the attention OP got for being sickly when she was a kid. Sometimes parents can become so preoccupied with a sick child that they wind up neglecting the other kids. If that's the case here, then the sibs would have good reason to be angry, but they're mad at the wrong person. OP didn't ask for any of this. Anyway, these people are adults and they need to get their shit together. They're old enough to realize none of this is OP's fault. >**OP:** My parents were actually very supportive and did all they could to be as fair to all of us so I really can't put fault on them. They're really amazing parents. I wasn't treated any different, I just didn't have many friends being absent from school constantly so I'd hang with my mom. Shes honestly my best friend. It was OK growing up but the jealousy really was evident when we were in our 20s for whatever reason. Parents are allowed to be closer to one child if the others treat them like trash. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for not inviting my siblings to my wedding?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/186hf1a/aita_for_not_inviting_my_siblings_to_my_wedding/

186hf76

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/eccentric_bee **I got stiffed on a painting** **Originally posted to** r/mildlyinfuriating **Thanks to u/happyfam1122 for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!scam!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/s/6IUjEx8BRL) **Aug 21, 2023** Someone at an art fair approached me for a commission. I hate special orders, and usually don't take them, but I am desperate for money right now. I knew I could do it and do it well in a couple of days, plus it was a painting that was emotional, so I broke my personal boundaries and accepted. The person had a sister that died when she was 5, and for an upcoming family reunion wanted a painting in remembrance of her. She also wanted to reference her grandmother, and also the siblings. I came up with an idea she loved that wouldn't necessitate me doing a recognizable portrait (not good enough to do that). She gave me 45.00 down payment through PayPal, I send her back a text acknowledging the down payment along with the details we discussed and my terms, she texts back 'all good'. She had offered 200.00, Which I thought was reasonable, and that was in the text too. As I say, I need money, so I got right on it. I made two versions of mock ups, ( small, less detailed paintings). Even the mockups were really good small paintings, and I finished the large one to the point where she just had to decide which details she wanted from either mock up 1 or 2. We meet, and I let her keep them to decide. She takes both mock ups, and tells me she likes version one. I finished the big painting and let her know where to meet me, and she comes to where I am. Then tells me her husband flipped out over the 200 price tag, and that she could get a watercolor painting for 20 on eBay (eBay? Whytf she looking for original art on eBay? ) so she says she'll do the 45.00 down payment and nothing more. She hinted that I should refund her 25.00. I was shocked. While I was stammering, she pulls out the mockups. I had told her she could keep them for free, assuming I'd get 200, and thinking it would be a nice extra to give them to her since the main painting is for a gift, so she'll have a little version to keep. She pulls them out and asks me to sign them. I reach in my bag for a pen, and I'm shaking mad. I had a big fat blue permanent marker in my bag, I pull that out, scribble 'mock up mock up mock up' across them both, and start writing my name in big letters, and she screeches and grabs them back. I made sure that you could hardly see the images before she got them back. She is mad and asks for the big painting. She is still thinking I'm gonna give her the painting at this point! I showed her the text I had sent accepting the commission. It said that any further changes after accepting our agreed upon details will either be an added charge, or I have the option to stop the work, and the down payment is not refundable, and the 'all good' she wrote to accept the deal. I said her changing the payment was a change, so I'm stopping the work and keeping the down payment. I leave the scribbled mockups for her and take the real painting with me. I have no idea what I'll do with it, but I'll be damned if she ever gets it. TL;DR I painted a commission and they wanted it for a quarter of the agreed on price. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/s/trp1ebkO0T) **Sept 2, 2023** A couple weeks ago I posted about a person who ordered a painting then didn't want to pay for it. I can't add a link to the original, so I added a link in a comment below, or you can look at my post history. Update: as suggested in the comments of the original post, I put the painting on eBay. While it didn't sell, just the act of putting it up there really helped me get over my frustration at the situation. Then, I got texts from the brother of this person this afternoon. He demanded a refund. At first I said no, but then I did go ahead and refund the down payment to the original person that ordered the painting because I just wanted to be done with it. Then things got weird, and the brother wanted 2k (!!!) and said he'd call the police to get it. I told him that I had a text contract she had agreed to and then said I'd call a lawyer if I had to. He said that he had been misinformed, and that was it. I wonder what was going on beneath all this, but not enough to pursue it because the family seems volatile . Here's screenshots, I don't know if they're allowed. https://imgur.com/a/K8knKVk **TRANSCRIPT OF THE SCREENSHOTS** **PB = Persons Brother** **PB:** Is the the "artist" [redacted] hired? **OOP:** Yes, who is this? **PB:** This is [redacted] brother. If you had any self respect you'd refund every penny. No one wants your low grade painting, and you should be ashamed of it and to call yourself a "artist" is a joke. We are demanding a full refund and an apology. **OOP:** No. **PB:** And thanks for ruining an old ladies birthday **OOP:** [redacted] is totally refunded. She had over a week to get another gift. I have the painting. We are finished. **PB:** We aren't finished until that 2000 Dollars is back in our hands. I am ready to call the cops for it if I need to. **OOP:** What the actual fuck are you talking about. [Redacted] paid me 45.00 through PayPal. She agreed to pay another 150.00 when the painting was finished. Then, after the painting was done she said her husband thought 20.00 was enough. She wanted her money back and the painting. But I had in writing our agreement, so I kept the painting and have now refunded the 45.00 down payment even though I didn't have to. I have proof of all this. Please, call the cops. My address is [redacted]. When they arrive I'll call the most ambulance chasing lawyer I can find in the phone book and tell them I'm being harassed and my reputation is being maligned by a family that owns three huge farms. Let's see what happens. **PB:** This is not what I was told. I'll get back to you. **OOP:** I can look up lawyers right now. If I've been lied about on Facebook or anywhere I'll make sure it comes back to bite. **PB:** I'll get back to you. **PB:** I was misinformed. There is nothing more that you need to do. This matter is closed. **OOP:** An apology would be appropriate. **OOP:** If you or your family want your painting, it's on eBay. If you dont get outbid you can have it for Labor Day. **OOP:** I refunded the 45.00. You and your family need to leave me alone **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I got stiffed on a painting

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/186hf76/i_got_stiffed_on_a_painting/

186hfsj

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Strange_Ebb_2205 **Addictive Experience, How to Move On?** **Originally posted to** r/aves **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!drug usage, discussion of addiction!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/aves/s/lT76nhAKiK) **July 5, 2023** I went to my first edm music festival 10 days ago now and I still haven't been able to move on. I've been a fan of edm for a decade but wasn't wealthy enough to go to one of the big festivals for a full weekend of madness, just a few sets at clubs here and there. Was super excited for the stacked lineup and rolling for the first time on day 2. I went with my best friend and made some new friends there and omfg, I loved everything about the experience. From the different stages (I love all sub-genres) light production, amazing sets from legendary djs, all the colorful outfits, the kind strangers, the wild afterparties, the magical effects of rolling... I loved everything so much so that it's been hard to not think about my next festival in my day-to-day life, that's almost all I think about when I'm not working (sometimes during work too ngl). I read a comment that said that the best way to move on is to book the next festival, but I can only do that next year when tickets for the festival I want get released. So my question to veteran ravers, how do you move on from the biggest high of your life which is your first edm festival. I'm 25 and I really wanna be present and hard at work for my career progression, my relationship and my family. Is it normal for the rave scene to be this addictive, or is it mainly because it's my first time? Thank you for reading/responding. Edit: Wow this blew up, I appreciate every single comment, thanks everyone. Sorry if I didn't reply to all, your advices made me feel content with my feelings without judging them and I'm now looking forward to my next rave fests. In the meantime gonna stay in the present and immerse myself in the music and my local rave scene. [Update: Balance is Beautiful](https://www.reddit.com/r/aves/s/GYhcqDP9Xj) **Sept 13, 2023** About three months ago I posted here about my first experience attending an edm festival with the intent of seeking guidance on how to manage my newfound obsession of attending such magical events. I was very grateful to recieve many great advices that helped me proceed with my raving journey with both caution and confidence. To display my gratitude I wanted to share how I implemented some of the advice I recieved during for my second festival that I attended this past weekend. I hope to show everyone who shared kind words with me how meaningful and impactful their comments were. a. To effectively integrate back into the routine of normal life, just plan for the next event so you have something to look forward to. - A lot of people recommended this and it was true, I stopped day dreaming about next summer's festival season as soon as I bought a ticket to the next festival. I found myself more focused at work, and more productive at home as soon as I knew that I have another magical experience waiting for me in a few months. b. Life is about balance, don't overdo anything, even if it's magical or great. - I applied this by not pushing my body during my second festival, like I did during the first. I didn't go to any after parties this time (went out every night last time) to save more money and be physically ready to spend all day at the festival the next day. I'm not saying I'm planning to always do that, because going to one or two after parties is manageable, but I just wanted to balance spending 7 hours a day at the festival with other life obligations that needed attending to between 9am-3pm before I went out. In the future if I'm planning to go out 'til 4 am on multiple festival days I'll make sure that the house is spotless, groceries and laundries are done etc. beforehand to avoid a manic Monday. Also, between now and next summer's festival season, I plan to just zone in on work and family, so when the time comes to party again I would have no emotional or financial stresses to worry about. c. Practice caution with substances use - I waited 2.5 months after my first roll at Escapade before rolling again, and had .25g over the weekend compared to .35g over that June weekend. Also, no alcohol for me this weekend (quit a month ago). I genuinely enjoyed the non-rolling day and plan to go to a festival without rolling next year. d. Do something EDM related in between festivals - Some recommended producing music, upping my rave fashion game etc.. I tried learning new dance moves and making artsy things. At my first festival I didn't know what Kandi was, this time I made enough to give to people that I connected with, which I enjoyed a lot. I also got my face glittered up everyday, which was fun. Fashion wise, I avoided wearing street wear this time and wore something artsy or colorful or floral each day. Sadly I didn't get far with learning how to shuffle properly, but maybe next year. e. Welcome to the family! - Words carry a lot of weight for me, and when I read multiple comments that said welcome to the family, it gave me a profound sense of belonging in this community. I ended up telling this to three different first-time ravers from my social circle, which made me feel like a veteran lol. Each of them bought a one-day ticket and each of them said they wanna go the full weekend with me next year, that's when I said something like "I'm happy to have a nice/cool person like you join my rave family". Overall, sweet memories, love, euphoria and peace were as thematic at my second edm festival as they were at my first, and the love and advice that I recieved from this community propels me to have fun and party safe at my next edm events. Thank you. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **tr0llzzz** >This is the most wholesome post I’ve ever seen on this sub lol. So glad you’ve discovered your love for raving and are figuring out how to properly implement it into your overall lifestyle. * **JustYeeetlt** >As soon as a fest/show is done, I'm already dreaming of the next one 🫠 **OOP** >>I feel that, my non-raver girlfriend doesn't appreciate me talking about it all the time so I had to learn to tone it down a bit 😅 **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Addictive Experience, How to Move On?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/186hfsj/addictive_experience_how_to_move_on/

186hgim

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/sotb1234 **I (24F) found out that my husband (35M) made a disgusting bet with his friends when he met me and now I can't see him the same way** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice & r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Grooming, sexual objectification!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!possibly rage inducing!< **Previous** [BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/NZl0RJ5eNV) **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional manipulation, emotional deception!< [Original post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/CzShNpdaK9) Dec 7, 2022** He (35M) is friends with my (24F) stepbrother (36M) since they were in college, and to be honest they were always respectful to me and I NEVER knew they were bad enough to do what they did to me, I thought they respected me for being their friend's younger sister, but I was wrong. To put you in context, their group of friends dissolved when they grew up and followed different paths, and a few days ago they decided to meet again. Well, that meeting was held at my house and at one point during dinner one of his friends started saying things like he (my husband) was very lucky that our thing worked out, and when he said that some laughed and my stepbrother and my husband got very nervous so I asked what he was talking about, and when my husband tried to shut him up I knew something was wrong so I asked the same thing again. He told me that when my stepbrother introduced us he told them that I was really arrogant and a loser and that I needed someone to "teach me a lesson". And I admit, I was very arrogant, I used to be annoying because I thought that no one was smarter than me and that they were all idiots. Well, they (except my stepbrother) decided to bet to see who would get to sleep with me first, evidently it was my husband and we've been together ever since (this happened six years ago) And I would feel less hurt if he had always been an asshole because it would be my fault for falling in love with someone like that, but he was always SO sweet and cute to me since we started talking that I would never have thought that he was making fun of me behind my back. When his friend said that everyone shut up because my face said it all, I got so pissed off that I just laughed and went to our room. My husband followed me and began to swear to me that he is no longer like that, that he loves me and that he regrets what an asshole he was before he met me, and even though we talked a lot and I tried to forgive him I can't look at him the same way. This morning he went with me to my appointment with the doctor because I am pregnant and when he cried when he saw our baby, I was disgusted, because I don't know if he is being sincere or not. I don't know when I'll trust him again but I want to do it but I can't, does that even make sense? Could things go back to the way they were before this mess? [AITA for forcing my husband to celebrate his birthday only with me because I don't like his family?](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/opMk5etfC9)  Jan 15, 2023** edit: A few weeks ago I found out about a horrible bet that he made with his friends about me before we started dating and it was not easy to forgive him so I told him that I would forgive him if he didn't invite his family, that's why I said I "forced" him in the title The thing is, my (24F) husband (36M) comes from a family that really doesn't know what boundaries are. Ever since they found out I'm pregnant they tell me what to eat, what to wear, how to act etc and I can't stand them anymore, I tried a thousand times to like them but I can't they are really overwhelming. I am about to give birth and I just want peace and I know that with them that is impossible, so I asked my husband to go to a restaurant to celebrate his birthday because I wanted to be at peace at home. He refused because he said he wanted to stay with me so I told him not to invite his family then because they get on my nerves. And at first he didn't like the idea so much because he never celebrated a birthday party without his family but then he accepted. So we celebrated just the two of us at our house, and of course his family got mad at us, especially me because they know it was me who didn't want them to come. But I don't regret the decision I made because it's the first time in six years that I've dared to face them and tell them not to do something I don't like. So AITA? **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** [Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ZDCps3MkC0) **Sept 5, 2023** On my first post I (24F) got a lot of nice comments and even messages so I thought it would be a good idea to post an update. After I found out about the bet we had so many fights that we thought it was the end of our marriage and decided to start couples therapy hoping for the best and thanks to that we were able to move on. He (36M) apologized many times and we had many long talks on this matter but today I can say that everything is in the past. Today we have a beautiful seven month old baby girl and I am five months pregnant and to be honest I have never been happier. Of course there are days where I think about what he did but then I think about the present and what he is today and I forget about everything because the truth is that he is another person now, well, he was never really mean to me because from the moment we started talking he was always caring and sweet, only now I know that everything is genuine and he's not faking it, although according to him he never faked anything bcause he liked me a lot when he knew me intimately. I don't think our marriage is perfect because from time to time we have fights but for that reason we are still working on our relationship. Because we love each other and we want this to work and we want to grow old together, so that's all there isn't much more to say. Thank you for your kind comments and messages. ##**NEW UPDATE** * [Update - Am I wrong for wanting to forgive my stepbrother after he made a disgusting bet with my husband about me in the past?](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/FbVS1veBiG)  **Nov 22, 2023** My (25f) relationship with my stepbrother (36m) at first was really bad, we couldn't even stand each other, which led him to make a bet with his friends to "teach me a lesson" six years ago. That disgusting bet was that one of them had to manage to sleep with me to, as I said before, teach me a lesson after leaving me. Long story short, my husband (36m) was the one who "won" and we've been together ever since, and I wish I could say that I always knew about that bet and was dumb enough to decide to marry him but no. I found out about that bet almost a year ago and it shattered my world, thanks to that I had to go to individual and couples therapy for months because it was difficult for me to forgive my husband, but we both worked for our marriage and our child and today I can say that we are really happy, but I can't say the same for my stepbrother. When I found out about the bet, my husband apologized in a thousand ways and has spent the last few months showing me that he really loves me and never faked anything in our relationship (According to him, since we started talking, he liked me and everything was genuine) but my stepbrother never apologized because according to him I should thank him because thanks to him I stopped being so annoying and I found the love of my life and the father of my children. And I thought he was joking but he really meant it and we had a horrible fight about it and since he didn't give in we haven't talked again. He only contacted me a few days ago because it was my 25th birthday, he called me and I didn't pick up the phone so he left me a voicemail saying that he misses me and that he's very sorry, that he now understood that what he did a few years ago was disgusting and that it should not have happened, that he knows that I am pregnant and that it hurts him to know that he is not going to meet this baby either, that he wants me to be his little sister again and a lot of other things, and honestly hearing it after so long broke my heart because I really miss him. After I started dating my husband, our relationship improved a lot and we have come to consider ourselves family and I was used to counting on him for everything and now I miss him so much. I want to forgive him and give him another chance but I don't know, I have asked my friends, my husband and my family for advice and they all told me that it is a decision that only I should make, but I'm so confused, would it be very stupid to forgive him? am I wrong for that? **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (24F) found out that my husband (35M) made a disgusting bet with his friends when he met me and now I can't see him the same way

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/186hgim/i_24f_found_out_that_my_husband_35m_made_a/

186lbol

I am not the OOP, OOP is u/eastvillagehotel [**Need help: worst restaurant for visiting worst manager**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sydney/comments/17y1idc/need_help_update_visiting_worst_manager/) **Originally posted to r/sydney on the 17th November 2023** **Trigger Warnings**: >!not applicable!< **Mood spoilers**: >!Hilarious, if you don't mind a bit of petty dickishness.!< **Original post**: Dead Redditor local Sydney slagicals, I have to make some "recommendations" for my visiting overseas arsehole manager while he is in Sydney. He's a real POS and should likely be in jail, so I'm hoping to find a restaurant of similar grade. I love Sydney as much as the next slag, but what I don't need is my manager reaping the fruits while he's here and deciding he wants to come back more. I've tried google maps but can't filter it by 1 or zero stars. Bonus points if anyone can suggest some "fun" activities while he's in Sydney to really drive it home. &nbsp; ----- **Comments**: /u/sloppyrock: > The revolving restaurant in Sydney Tower excels at being shit from what Ive read lately. /u/starsoftrack: > And cumbersome and horrible to get to. It’s unclear how to get up there. It’s a huge waste of time. Do it. ---- /u/mastermeriadoc > This is the level of petty I aspire to be ---- /u/confuseyus > Some tourist trap shithole in Darling Harbour would be a great idea. If said manager hasn't done their homework, they'll probably see the word harbour and assume that is where the Opera House is. So it might be a double whammy to disappoint them that way. ---- /u/moofishmoo > The resteraunt in the Chinese Garden of friendship in Darling Harbour. Terrible Chinese food and you can't visit the gardens if you go there to eat and there are no toilets except if you pay extra for entry to the gardens. ---- /u/anorhidemarche: > Little snail in Pyrmont was the most disappointing experience for me. They MICROWAVED my CREPE. A fuckign CREPE. ---- &nbsp; [**Update 18th November 2023**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sydney/comments/17y1idc/need_help_update_visiting_worst_manager/) Quick update, as the responses duly deserve it: Thanks for all the recommendations, loads of ideas that I will capitalise on. Last night my arsehole manager (will call him Malcolm) and I took the advice and went to the revolving restaurant at Centrepoint, Skyfeast buffet not the fancy Infinity one. Unfortunately it was cloudy/misty so no great views 😢 It was only really possible to see anything outside directly below us, but Malcolm isn't too good on heights and it made him feel a bit queasy looking straight down and I think it put him off his food a bit. Though it might have been the food that put him off his food, the comments and reviews are spot on! That buffet…wow 🤢. Malcolm did remark that it was all a bit rushed with the timeslot thing, pushy service, food not what he expected etc, but what could I say….welcome to Sydney Malcolm. After getting hustled out of there, Malcolm wanted to see what Sydney gets up to on a Friday night, argh..great. To be fair it was too early to bail on him. Not too many options unfortunately, as everyone will WFH on Friday sorry Malcolm, so I suggested we take a walk to an aussie classic, Harajuku Gyoza Beer Stadium in Darling Harbour (thanks for the recommendation!). The fairly cold weather didn’t let me down, but when we got on to Pyrmont Bridge it absolutely pissed it down walking across the bridge. I know it’s the longer way to get there, but I wanted to walk him across Pyrmont Bridge and explain the monorail that once-was. I told him all the history of it, plenty of details and comparisons etc but tbh I think his only comment was that it’s a shame we couldn’t have actually got the monorail and kept warm and dry, and turns out he never really watched the simpsons..wtf Malcolm, you grew up in the US in the 90s!?! We stopped at Pyrmont Bridge Hotel (thanks for the recommendation), the bouncers/staff don’t change there. They change, but they don’t change, if you know what I mean. PBH and its patrons certainly held its part of the bargain for me, I love you PBH. I showed Macolm the sights of the Harbourside Shopping Centre remains, he was indifferent meh, and finally got to Beer Stadium after 10:30pm, sorry Malcolm it’s nothing like a stadium, I can only imagine what he was expecting/hoping for the fat bastard. Pretty quiet actually! Ah well, let’s grab a beer and call it a night. Thanks again for all the recommendations, he’s got 3+ more weeks here so I’ll give him plenty of options from the Reddit feedback. I’ve additionally planted the seed on him having a long weekend in….Canberra! Either that, or train to Newcastle (great recommendation!). Any other time consuming recommendations in further afield in Australia would be highly regarded! Thanks again r/Sydney slagicals! &nbsp; ---- A deleted user adds: > Imagine if he looks up Reddit seeking places to visit, and comes across this post! ---- &nbsp; **Australian glossary** **Pissed it down** -- Rained really hard **Slag** -- Promiscuous woman. **Edited 30/11/23 to add this comment here on BoRU from /u/rumckle**: On "Slagical": > It's a running joke on r/sydney. A few years ago there was a Christmas sign that said something like "It's Magical", but the font chosen made it look like "it's slagical". > Since then r/sydney have referred to themselves as Slagical Sydneysiders

Need help: worst restaurant for visiting worst manager

ONGOING

Halospite

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/186lbol/need_help_worst_restaurant_for_visiting_worst/

186ujgh

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Frosty-Connection344 **AITAH for calling the police on my neighbours and calling her and her husband pedos at their "Hallovenn" (yes, it is spelled correctly) party .** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Stalking, kidnapping, abuse of power by authority figures!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!A fucking David Fincher movie!< &#x200B; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17lhlg5/aitah_for_calling_the_police_on_my_neighbours_and/)**.** \- **Nov 1, 2023** Throwaway. My husband (39m) and I (35f) moved to this country when we first got married due to his work. We had our first child (f6) here. He was then moved to Germany where our other two (4m,3f) were born. His company decided to move him here again, but to the opposite side of the country to where we lived the last time after we had our fourth (f 5 months). So needless to say we know the culture despite not being native. Our daughter started school this August for the first time, and a lot of her classmates live in the same area we do. One of the boys in her class lives at the end of the road behind us. When we first moved into the neighbourhood back in May we were welcomed by a few of our close neigbours and this boy's mother (let's call her Astrid). She took a shine to my baby, but most people fuss over babies so I didn't think much of it. That same day she told me of how she had lost two baby girls and how lucky I was to have so many girls, and she only had three boys. The day after she came with her husband (let's call him Morton) and he too wanted to pick up the baby and paid her a lot of compliments. Until he met our oldest daughter and made a remark which I didn't think much of at the time. He said my daughter and his son could easily pass for twins as they are in the same class, and they look alike. They don't. My daughter is super blonde with grey eyes and their sun has dark blondish hair with hazel eyes. So, I corrected him. He feigned offense and said what he meant was that she could pass for his daughter, the baby too. Again I corrected them that with his light brown hair and hazel eyes neither of my girls could. He once again insisted and said, I mean our features not the colouring. Then he laughed it off and said he was just joking. They then invited us to go out for drinks, but we declined as neither one of us drinks and we don't like to be too friendly with neighours. During the summer when we bumped into them at the local store a few times Morton and Astrid would call her "julestjerne" and sing a song from a famous movie here. After a few times I told them to knock it off as it was no longer funny. Since May and up until a week ago they have tried to invite us to many get togethers which I found strange as they hardly ever invite the neighbours that they have known for longer than us. Morton and Astrid would quite often talk to my daughter on her way back to school (as she passes their house on the way home), and she said that it bothers her as they have both tried to pick her up and Astrid has treid a few times to touch her hair. When my husband confronted them about it they said it's just the culture here. It's not. The picking up and touching her hair stopped after that. At the beginning of October they wanted us to help them host a "Halloween party" at the end of October, and wanted us to meet them at their house so we could coordinate the childrens costumes, especially the "twins". We declined again as we don't celebrate Halloween. They tried to convince us otherwise and were very pushy. Even had their son knock on our door a few times to play with "his twin" after school. Knocking on doors to play with other children is normal and most children roam out and about as it's a safe neighbourhood and country so that part was never suspicious to me. However after the umpteenth time of calling my daughter one of his twins I put my foot down and said he needed to stop "joking" about it as it's not funny anymore. My husband goes offshore at times due to his work and it's has been me and the children since mid October. My daughter's teacher also lives in the neighbourhood and she is a childhood friend of Astrid. She was present in the park by our house when Astrid came up to me and handed me three costumes. One for each of my girls. She said as we don't celebrate Halloween her and her husband had decided to host a "Hallovenn" party instead and wanted my girls to wear these. I was schocked but told her no. It would not happen. The teacher tried to convince me that this would be a nice way of meeting others families and it would be fun for our children. Astrid said she had spent a lot of money on adjusting the costumes and had found the right hairstyle for my daughter to go as Gretel to her son's Hans. I told her no one made her spend the money as I had made it very clear that none of my children would be going. Right in front of me she took the hairband off my daughter's hair and tried to put one on that she had bought for the costume. I told her to stop and started walking of. She tried to apologise and said relax. We are neighbours and friends. Her teacher followed me and said not to be uptight and that Astrid meant no harm. She just likes girls. On Monday my daughter came home with a different hairstyle and accessories to what I had sent her off with. I asked her how she got them and she said her teacher had done her hair during lunch. I asked her if she had played rough so her hair needed to be fixed she said no. Yesterday morning I spoke to her teacher and she confirmed that it was indeed her who had fixed her hair and that it was Astrid who bought the stuff. I asked her why she would go against my wishes to which she said it was only hair stuff and Astrid didn't want to throw it away as she had spent money on it. She thought with three daugthers I would appreciate help with some free accessories. She also said that I had not made it explicitly clear not to fix y daughters hair. I left after telling her to never do it again and returned the stuff. In the evening the neighbourhood children went trick or treating (those participating were informed it would last from (six to eight) I let my daughter go off and play with one of the other girls who wasn't trick or treating. At about seven I couldn't hear them. So, I went outside to check and they were not there. I asked one of the other children if they had seen her and they said Morton and Astrid had collected her in their car, and her friend had gone home. I asked next door to watch my other two while I ran with the baby to their place. When I arrived there they were having a party in the garden and my daughter was there. She had her hair done and she had a candy bag. She was also wearing the costume. So, in my anger I called the police before speaking to anyone and once I got off the call I called both of them pedos and everything under the sun in multiple languages. When the police arrived and I spoke to them we left. Today at school her teacher was very short with me and said there was no need for that as Morton volunteers for the children's football club. Having a police report filed on him was not the wisest of choices. She explained that if I wasn't happy I should have asked for a mediation appointment at the school instead of embarassing Astrid and Morton in front of everyone. She also mentioned that it was her who helped my daughter change into the costume and it's not unusual for teachers to help their students change here (that part is partially true for this country). She said Astrid has been grieving and her behaviour is normal for someone who lost so many children one after the other, and not to make it harder on her as people have gossiped quite a bit about it. She said they didn't know they had crossed a line and it wouldn't happen again, so just drop the complaint at the police. On Friday I have to make a full statement at the police station. She wants me to cancel it as Astrid and Morton are not bad people and she thinks I should be glad someone else thinks this highly of my daughter. She wasn't harmed and she sees no reason for me being angry as the children all play in each others garden anyway. She said not to blow things out of proportion as at no point was my daughter alone with Morton. AITAH for calling the police instead of mediation at the school as the first step because it was from a place of love and greif that they did this? **Relevant comments** **sheneedsnoone:** Are you currently in Northern Norway? I can see the behaviour being more normalised in certain areas, but normalised isn't the same as cultural. Norway is a very "raising children takes a village" country, but that's family, close friends etc stepping in as and when needed. But there's definitely some areas where this kind of behaviour would be excused, and predatory behaviour in general would be excused by people that grew up with them, however I will also say as Norway is a low crime country compared to a lot of countries, you will get a lot of naive people there, even in the police. I would see what they say once your daughter has completed her interview, however once that has been done make a complaint to the commissioner in your police district, making sure to include that you fear for your child(ren)'s safety and the local police are not taking it seriously, despite these people taking your child to a different location, without even informing you, never mind with your permission. You can then complain nationally if the local commissioner doesn't do anything. I have my fingers crossed for you that they listen, but to be honest, I would not hold out much hope unfortunately. Edit to add:the people who are telling you that you are the problem, are part of the problem, and would most likely excuse/enable certain people in their own areas. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. >**OP:** I am in the Southern part. > >I already mentioned what they have done and how scared I was. I also provided the text they sent me after I collected my daughter. It's strange because it's a safe country with no child abductions and murder yet this type of behaviour is excused. I learned that while my daughter was being changed Morton was present and although he didn't help with the clothes changing he did with her hair and pickd her up to take he downstairs to their garden. They changed her not in one of the bedrooms of the chidlren or the bathroom, but in their own room. > >The female police officer said nudity is not seen as bad here. It's normalised, but since when is it ok to undress someone elses child especially three adults are present while it's happening. It's almost like the female police officer was saying it's no big deal. &#x200B; [AITAH for calling my neighbour pedos at the Hallovenn party UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/182buho/aitah_for_calling_my_neighbour_pedos_at_the/) \- **Nov 23, 2023** Thank you for all the reassurances. It was helpful. A lot of people asked about an update and many DM'ed to see how it was going. We filed a report at the police station and basically we were dismissed. We had two female officers on the first day, but a male police officer came in and offered us some water tried to do small talk. He is the ex of my daughter's teacher and told us as much. We had to do the report over two days as on the first day my daughter was too tired to relay all the details. On the second appointment we had the two female police officers and her ex also joined us. It seemed like he had already talked to her teacher about it, but he denied it when I confronted him about it, citing confidentiality. I was told they would have a word with Astrid and Morton, but I doubt they took it seriously as all three kind of defended their actions. Wanting to know why I wouldn't let my daughter go to a party. When we got home we had a knock on the door in the evening and it was Astrid and Morton. I didn't open the door. On Saturday the 11th while my daughter was playing in the garden with my next door neighbours children she said Astrid was taking pictures of her from across the street. On the Sunday they came by again and kept knocking on the door, they said they knew I was inside and that they wanted to talk. I didn't open the door. I phoned the police and they said if they become violent call back. In the meantime just open the door and tell them you don't want to talk to them. I didn't and they left. They left a message in my postbox. It was a long message about how they felt connected to my daughter and how I should take better care of her. How they know how it feels like to lose a child and that they only want what is best for her. On the 15th I kept my daughter from the school as she said that Astrid's son kept teasing her. Instead I spoke to the principal about the matter and explained that I needed this absence validated. I took my daughter to the store and I think maybe I was followed because not five minutes had gone by when Astrid walked in and "bumped" into me by the dairy section. She apologised and blocked me in with her cart because I tried to get away. She started talking to my daughter and tried to stroke my baby's hair. So, I screamed. That made her walk away from me. The day after I found another note in my postbox telling me not to be so hysterical, and I have that saved. I phoned my husband to come home or find a reason to get home ASAP. On the 18th both Astrid and Morton confronted me in the park and wanted to know why I was keeping Julestjerne away from them due to a misunderstanding. I told them politely (Morton is a big guy and I am not as strong as him) that my husband was home (I lied). They walked away. I phoned the police and gave them the latest evidence on the harassment but they said they would have a word with the two. On Monday I attended a meeting with the principal and the teacher where she apologised, but she made it out that it was a misunderstanding. The principal was very nice and told the teacher to back off sternly and not to mix her professional life and private life. Astrid and Morton came by my house that evening, and while I was attending to the laundry in the basement they were talking to my girl in the garden and she let slip that her dad wasn't home yet. They gave her some cookies, but she threw them in the outside bin while they watched on. On Tuesday they confronted us on the way to school and asked me why I lied about my husband, luckily I wasn't alone and one of the neighbour's on my street told them to back off. On the way back from picking her up at the end of the day we took a taxi home. In the evening they were banging on my door again and they had their sons with them. I called the police, but they only arrived after they had left. I discussed it with my husband on the phone and he managed to get three days off, but he won't be home before this weekend as his workplace didn't see it as an emergency until yesterday's incident. Yesterday they came by again while we were in the park. I was pre occupied with my son and I noticed a tap on my shoulder. It was Morton holding my daughter and he said I should take better care of her as she might walk into the road while my attention is elsewhere. He made it out as if she had run into the street, but my daughter denied it. I grabbed her and the other children and left and packed some stuff. I asked my next door to collect my post and hold onto it while I booked a hotel. She informed me that the postoffice will do it for free for 14 days, but that she will look out for my house and note if they come by again. Words gone round that they are being a bit weird about my daughter. I have been staying in this hotel since and my husband is arranging ticket for us to visit my parents before the Christmas holidays. At this point I don't want to stay here anymore and my husband will have to ask for a transfer. I spoke to the principal and she said she would check in on my daughter in the morning and keep her at pick up time and I can pick her up from the office. I haven't told the principal about our moving plans just in case she mentions it to another teacher, and it gets back to Astrid's friend. I hate lying, but feel that if I don't it may put us at risk. One of my neighbours on the other side of the street said both Astrid and Morton have mentioned that they suspect that I neglect my child, and that they tried to insinuate that maybe I was too overwhelmed with four little ones while my husband was offshore. She told them I wasn't and they have now moved onto another neighbour trying to badmouth me. It seems like they are recruiting witnesses/helpers. So, my neighbour said it's best best to keep documentation in case they call CPS on us, and to get a copy and confirmation from the police that there is bad blood between us. My husband can deal with the paperwork and the aftermath, and join us when he can arrange a transfer, but I am not staying here anymore. **Reminder - I am not the original poster**

AITAH for calling the police on my neighbours and calling her and her husband pedos at their "Hallovenn" (yes, it is spelled correctly) party .

ONGOING

FlagpoleSitta87

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/186ujgh/aitah_for_calling_the_police_on_my_neighbours_and/

186vd7v

Reminder: I am NOT OP. Original post is from /r/comicbookcollecting by twan55 (not linking to the OP directly as this may be considered sensitive). Trigger warnings: Rash financial decisions **I feel like the world's biggest idiot; I paid TRIPLE for a Bronze Age grail, am out a ton of money and, as well, a ton of happiness, COMIC-BOOK-COLLECTING-WISE** [Originally posted on September 8, 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/comicbookcollecting/comments/16dlten/i_feel_like_the_worlds_biggest_idiot_i_paid/) I feel absolutely HORRIBLE. I have always wanted a House of Secrets # 92 in a CGC 9.2 or above- but I have very little money, work as a schoolteacher and have two kids. Yet, back in May I did the unthinkable: I went on eBay and did a "Buy it Now/Or Best Offer"-transaction for this book, offering the guy (who was selling it for 10 grand "OBO") $8,500- which I didn't think would even be accepted. Keep in mind, an HOS 92 in a CGC 9.0 went a few months ago for $6,100. I have/had been tracking the prices of this one particular book for FIVE YEARS and I can tell you that every 9.2 that comes up always is around 10 grand (meaning: that's the seller's starting point) and every 9.4 that comes up on there is/was about 15 grand- or at least, again, that's what the sellers were asking. Anyway, my 9.2 offer was accepted- and I took the plunge, despite the fact that I do not have that kind of money. I put it on a zero-balance-until-18-months-from-now credit card and just began paying off the minimum (whilst attempting to hide the purchase from my wife, who would, well, let's just say NOT be happy and/or supportive of my purchase). I'm a schoolteacher with 2 young kids, we don't exactly have a ton of dough and, well, yeah... Still, yes, admittedly it was a selfish purchase- one made just for me- yet one thing I thought I could cling onto was the fact that this is a Bronze Age grail we're talking about (first appearance of Swamp Thing by Berni Wrightson), so part of my own personal justification was that at least it would retain its value and be an "art-buy" hedge, investment-wise or, put another way: I THOUGHT (incorrectly, obviously) that this was a very "solid" buy, one that wouldn't move too much downward. Um, WRONG. Just last week I saw this go up for sale and watched- horrified- as the auction transpired and then ended. Check it out: *(Editor: OP linked to an ebay sale that is no longer available)* A 9.4 ended up selling for $3,200 LESS than my 9.2, and the 9.4 is better looking and nicer than my 9.2 in every way. The 9.4 looks basically flawless, whereas my 9.2 is nice- sure- but it's a dicey 9.2; I actually feel like the seller was lucky to get that grade. Oh and lastly: my 9.2 was graded a few years ago- pre-QR code- meaning that I'll likely need to get it updated (reslabbed) for its own protection (I've heard CGC slabs them in a more thorough, longer-lasting, more-protective way these days than they did a few years ago). Indeed, I can see me sending it in to get reslabbed and CGC lowering the grade to a 9.0, which would be insult-to-injury/icing on the cake so to speak... So to end this, let's do the math. If an HOS 92 in a CGC 9.4 goes on the open market for $5,300 then it's safe to say that my book would probably fetch HALF of that: so $2,600. I paid $8,500 for it- so in short you could buy a replica of my comic for 1/3rd the price I originally paid for mine. Oh- and if you think I'm being too harsh on the price and possibly setting my fictitious open market price too low then fine- let's add another grand on top of my original number and say that I could/would fetch $4,600 for my HOS 92/CGC 9.2; I doubt that's true but we'll go with that. But Hell even THEN I will have paid more than TWICE as much as I should have. I am distraught. No longer does the book give me the joy it once did (when I first got it I would look at it on a regular basis and bask in the glow of knowing that I had joined the "5% club," meaning that only 5% of HOS 92s are graded by the CGC as 9.2 or better). Turns out I could've simply waited a few months and I'd be a member of the "2.5 club"- since only two-and-a-half-percent of all CGC graded HOS 92s are in 9.4 or better condition. Instead, I am scrambling to pay for a severely underwater comic book, the likes of which will probably NEVER fetch me anywhere near what I paid for it. Oh and one final thought, just to show how weird/wacky/nuts/insane the market for that book just went: here is an HOS # 92 IN A CBCS "9.4"- AND THE SELLER IS ASKING 20 GRAND FOR IT!!! Now obviously he won't get that, but what will he get? Fifteen grand? Ten grand? FIVE GRAND?!?!?!?!? Here's that one: *(Editor: OP linked to an ebay sale that is no longer available)* So yeah, that's it- that's the story. I appreciate you guys sticking with me and this post as I'm sure this was a long and likely repetitive read. Also, please don't think I'm sitting here wallowing in self-pity; some people go to bed hungry each night and here I am, complaining about a high-end comic book purchase- so please, do at least know that I'm keeping this whole thing in perspective (at least somewhat lol). But also know that I have NEVER made anywhere even near this big of a purchase on anything for myself-- and the one time I do, I get absolutely destroyed. Also, sadly, this whole sordid affair has quite frankly sapped the joy I was getting from my plucky little "9.2;" now, I look at that book and just sigh. I am fully aware that as with any other investment, comic book prices rise and fall; I just never thought this relatively rare book (at least "rare" in high grade) would fall so hard and so fast. Lesson learned, I suppose... Take care people- and again, I thanks for reading this. \**EDIT**\** Guys, there's a major misunderstanding here. I HAVE the money to pay for the book outright, in full, tomorrow. So why don't i just do that? Because my wife controls the finances and absolutely despises it when I purchase comics- and we're talking when I buy inexpensive books. If/when I spend my usual $100-$200 on comics every couple of months she always says "It's a stupid waste of money." She hates that I collect; she thinks it's stupid. Furthermore, this 7 grand purchase was of the sort I never, ever do; it's not as if I pull the trigger on a multi-thousand dollar key or grail on the regular. This was a one-off. Also, my credit is impeccable and i plan to pay off the debt by flippping from 0% interest credit card to 0% interest credit card for as long as possible- for as long as they're on offer. If somehow that isn't an option, I'll simply pay the money and deal with the wife. But yeah; this incident isn't my modus operandi. It's an outlier, and I regret it- but my kids aren't going to bed hungry because of it. I'll get the money back by getting another job (like tutoring)- and put that $ towards the debt. Some of you are being really nasty in your responses, but that's what happens when a person (me) posts a fuck-up online: he/she gets scorn. I do wanna thank all of you who didn't act like i oughta be in jail and instead gave me constructive advice. I appreciate you people and your advice very much. **Follow up from that long, frantic, unhinged rant about overpaying for a House of Secrets 92 in a CGC 9.2...** [Originally posted on Monday 2, 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/comicbookcollecting/comments/16y9t55/follow_up_from_that_long_frantic_unhinged_rant/) Ok so here's the skinny: me- a teacher who isn't exactly rolling in dough- did something I have never done before or since: I paid just under $10,000 for a Holy Grail I have always wanted: a HOS 92 in a CGC 9.2. In my original post I said I paid $7,500 for it and was freaking out because a week later a 9.4 of the same book sold for $5,300, making me feel terrible about my purchase. Also- full disclosure (as anyone who read that post/thread likely remembers): I kept the purchase from my wife, putting it on a 0% credit card (I happen to have excellent credit, mainly because I live within my means, pay all my bills on time and am just generally responsible in terms of money- with the exception- obviously- of this one purchase), a rate which I have until December of 2024. Anyway, a number of mistakes were made, all of which I fully admit to. Here they are: -I kept a HUGE purchase from my wife, because she hates that I collect comics, thinks the whole business is a giant, utter waste of money and is just totally against spending my/our (I don't think of it as "our" in this case but I get why she sees it that way) hard-earned money on what she sees as dangerously overvalued, essentially worthless frivolity. Obviously that's a story for another day but, um, yeah- in my desire to avoid a major fight I tried to sneak the purchase past her and planned to just keep on paying the minimum off until, again, I made some extra cash, at which time I would/will pay off the balance. -I made a mistake on the comparison eBay sale, which turned out to be a scam. The HOS 92 in a CGC 9.4 was a fake sale. -I also made a mistake on the amount I paid. In the OP I said that I paid $7,500. I didn't; I paid $8,500. I know, i know: "How could you 'forget' that you paid a thousand dollars more than you said you did?!?" Well, easy: I probably didn't want to admit to myself that I paid even more than I thought! Turns out $7,500 was wishful thinking; I paid a grand more than that. People: I didn't "lie" about what I paid; rather, I simply got it wrong. Indeed, if anything, saying I paid $8,500 would have BOLSTERED my argument that I overpaid- so yeah- no reason for me to be untruthful. I literally just made a mistake. But anyway yeah, I paid over nine thousand dollars for that book when all was said and done, because of state tax. *********************************************************************************** Ok, so those are my errors- but there are a few things both you guys were correct about but also one or two things that I was right about... Let's first talk about the wife. You guys were utterly, 1000% correct: she found out- yes indeedy- and SHTF massively. Btw not for nothing but I wasn't exactly shocked when my plan- which might as well have been hatched by an eight-year-old- didn't work out lol. Yup, I was dishonest and stupid; not a great combo. So yeah, I came clean and told her what I spent almost ten grand on and yup, she was livid, but what could she do? Again: it's not as if I'm always doing this. I told her I would sell some books to try and make up the difference- and I told her that there is nothing else she doesn't know about- which is absolutely true. This was a one-off buy of a special book in a grade I'd always wanted. CGC 9.2 is my sweet spot- and here was my most desired comic sitting there in that grade- so I jumped. I told her it wouldn't happen again- and it won't. But yeah- you were right: I got straight popped, period... However, here are a couple of interesting follow-ups which actually (sort of) make my original point (wherein I lament about the price I paid) kind of, well, true. First off, I DID overpay. Here are two 9.0's of that book that just (legitimately) sold on eBay, one for five grand and the other for four. Link: *(Editor: OP linked to an ebay sale that is no longer available)* Link: *(Editor: OP linked to an ebay sale that is no longer available)* If even one of these bad boys are C & P'd and get a 9.2, then I overpaid by double. Oh and also- to the guy who said that .2 rises or falls in grades don't double the prices of books: yes they do, at least in my case...indeed, it seems that with this book, the .2 up or down equates to thousands of dollars more or less- or at least it seems to be that way these days... Anyway, many lessons learned- and thanks to all of you who understood that despite my being an obstinate, obfuscatory dumbass, I'm not exactly the second coming of Satan, either. I'm just a comic collector who became a three-year-old regarding a certain book- one who wishes he had been more discerning, mature and forthright about the whole affair for multiple reasons. Oh well, lesson learned. Take care people! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I feel like the world's biggest idiot; I paid TRIPLE for a Bronze Age grail, am out a ton of money and, as well, a ton of happiness, COMIC-BOOK-COLLECTING-WISE

ONGOING

AnF-18Bro

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/186vd7v/i_feel_like_the_worlds_biggest_idiot_i_paid/

18732cv

Reminder: I am NOT OP. Original post is from /r/askcarsales by CreditCriminalMIL (not linking to the OP directly as this may be considered sensitive). [Originally posted on August 9, 2020](https://www.reddit.com/r/askcarsales/comments/i6ovro/car_for_my_credit_felon_motherinlaw_michigan/) My mother-in-law has a $600 Ford Escape that's falling apart because it's a $600 Ford Escape. She asked me to help her find a car, but her biggest problem is that her credit is absolute garbage. Like, if they still had debtors prisons, she might have been the first to get the death penalty. I don't know her exact credit situation, since she just asked me about an hour ago if I'd help her out, but I imagine it's lots of late payments, collections, and I believe she has a repossession or at least a shitload of missed payments for her last financed car (Nissan Versa). My advice is to save up cash and buy a car that's better than a $600 Escape, so maybe like a $2,500 Corolla or something similar, work on her credit over the course of a few years with the help of a local credit union here in MI, and then finance like a $7,000-10,000 Toyota. No, she doesn't like that because it takes hard work and responsibility. She said she's worked too hard and too long to have to drive a $2,500 car. So if she doesn't want to do that, I basically say her only option is a buy here pay here lot that will rake her over the coals with financing charges, price, remotely disable the car on the first day after her first missed payment (so, like, day 31 of her owning the car?), and she'd likely have to drive without a warranty because, you know, buy here pay here. She likes that because she saw a really cute Kia Soul on the buy here pay here car website. Jesus Christ. My question is this: are there any manufacturers that will finance anyone who can fog a mirror? Base model shitbox with a warranty at, like, home mortgage-level loan lengths with not a whole lot down. In this scenario, she will likely get it repoed within 6 months, buy she would see that as better than it getting repoed from a buy here pay here in 2 months. Not sure of her budget, but you'd have to imagine she'd want to pay the absolute least you could... though realistically, what's $300/mo vs. $1,500/mo if you're not going to pay any of it, right? [Originally posted on August 11, 2020](https://www.reddit.com/r/askcarsales/comments/i7r65f/car_for_my_credit_felon_motherinlaw_update/) Thanks for everyone here who helped with solid advice on getting my impulsive and irresponsible mother-in-law a car using her Tier 99 credit. I took a lunch break from work and prepared her some car buying options, ranging from Dave Ramsey to Dave Chappelle, aka from decent financial advice to shit that just makes you laugh. Got a short list of reliable, low priced cars, and an idea of what she'd likely have to spend if she paid in cash vs. financing at high interest rates. Didn't take too long, and it looked like a nice place to start a conversation. Called her up last night and she answered the phone giddy because she'd gone out on her own and bought a base model 2017 Lancer from a BHPH down the street. Found the car online pretty easily, 65k miles, listed at $12k plus all the regular tax/title stuff plus a GPS fee (yeesh) plus a "compliance fee", whatever that is, I'm assuming whatever recovery device they have on it. Got a CarFax through a buddy of mine, car appears to have been in three separate accidents (no airbags deployed at least, per CarFax) and traveled around more of the country than COVID-19 before settling in Michigan. So thanks anyway guys, I appreciated the help , even if it was ultimately pointless. I'll make sure to have her post here asking how she did on her irreversible, legally-binding agreement that's literally pointless to solicit advice about because all the papers are signed and the deal is done. I know you guys love those posts. Edit: Finally got the payment info. She says she's at around $250/mo. (told my wife). She told me that she got $1,000 for her trade. MI sales tax is 6%... so anyone can correct me if I'm wrong, but say that they added $1k fees in there like the GPS/recovery service fee plus doc fee, okay, then tax... at 60 months that's like 8% APR for the amount financed, at 72 months it's 13% which is closer but seems low... But at 84 months we're at 16-17% which sounds spot on. I'm thinking it's 84mo@17% for total financed of like $22k. Brutal. [Originally posted on November 21, 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/askcarsales/comments/180ohh2/car_for_my_credit_felon_motherinlaw_final_update/) Well, 3 years into what I'm assuming was a 72mo loan, the car was repossessed today. The Lancer held up admirably in spite of the near-complete lack of maintenance, the rusting gash she put down the passenger side, and, least troublingly, the two hubcaps that disappeared. Almost admirable, too, was her ability to somehow keep it from being repossessed for 3 entire years. $250 is an absolutely quaint little payment for people who don't have much of anything to put down these days, and interest rates have become even more unfavorable for the repayment challenged among us. If there were a time to stop paying, it probably isn't now. But you wouldn't tell a butterfly when to spring from its cocoon, would you? Now, my great grandfather is a pureblood Saginaw Chippewa. He would often say, despite what you may think to be true deep in your heart, it is often simply not possible to stop a fucking idiot from doing fucking idiotic things. And, despite the vast cultural and language differences between the First Nations of this country and the descendants of its European settlers, I feel like that message resonates across geographic and ethnic boundaries. My final question is this: some quick maths and an amortization schedule, with some guestimation, says she probably owes like $7k on this car. '17 Lancer, like 80-85k miles, rough shape. I know the vehicle will be headed to auction and that the proceeds go toward that $7k. I see the NADA Rough trade-in is at $7,600. I see that the cheapest piece-of-shit Lancers on AutoTrader are right around 8k (under 100k miles). Are there any good resources or guestimates of how these cars generally trend at auction based on things I can easily find, like NADA or current retail? If NADA says my rough trade-in is $7,600, how far off is that from an average auction/wholesale price these days? **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Car for My Credit Felon Mother-in-Law

INCONCLUSIVE

Bruce_Wayne_Imposter

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18732cv/car_for_my_credit_felon_motherinlaw/

187acds

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Stolenturkey2022](https://www.reddit.com/user/Stolenturkey2022/). They posted in r/TrueOffMyChest. **Trigger Warning:** >!death; bomb threat!< And yes- those trigger warnings are accurate **Mood Spoiler:** >!what the actual fuck combined with genuine sadness !< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z4bxi4/guest_stole_our_thanksgiving_turkey/)**: November 25, 2022** I’m confused and frustrated and need to vent. We hosted thanksgiving this year - husband and I, our two kids, husband’s siblings and nieces and nephews, and most importantly, husband’s gravely ill mother. We’re all at peace that this thanksgiving and Christmas will probably be our last holidays together. It’s been emotional and exhausting but we really wanted to make a memorable day that everyone would enjoy. Our daughter Mary is visiting from college and one day before she flew in she says her boyfriend (Chris) is actually flying to our city to visit friends over the break. Mary asked if he could come over for thanksgiving. We’ve never met Chris before but to be honest, we’re not wild about him. As soon as Mary started dating him, we started seeing some worrying changes in her. Our son (who is just a couple years older) confided in us that Mary is getting into the party scene largely because of Chris. We’ve tried gently bringing up our concerns with Mary, but she shuts it down and has started to pull away from us. So because we didn’t want to alienate her, we said Chris could visit, but they’d need to stay in separate rooms. She said that won’t matter because he’s booked a hotel room and she’ll be staying there with him the whole weekend. Ah, ok. Cut to Thanksgiving and Mary and Chris arrive. He’s - not the greatest. He makes a couple rude/snide remarks throughout the visit, and hits the alcohol way harder than is appropriate. My family was in a very earnest mood, if that makes sense. Lots of emotion. And he was just dismissive and flippant and cast a shadow on everything. At one point, everyone started telling stories about their favorite holidays at MIL’s house when she would go all out for family parties. My husband and I stopped working in the kitchen to join the conversation. When we go back to the kitchen after maybe half an hour, I went to check the turkey in the oven, and it was gone. Completely missing. I ask my husband if he did something with the turkey, and he was just as confused as I was. We looked all over the kitchen and house and couldn’t find it. We go out to the living room and ask everyone if they know what happened to the turkey, and no one knows what we’re talking about. At this point I realize Chris isn’t around. I pull Mary to the side and ask where he is, because I don’t want to jump to conclusions and make accusations. She said he had to leave to go meet up with friends. I asked her to text him and ask if her knows what happened to the turkey, and Mary kind of rolled her eyes. At this point it’s dawning on me that Chris probably stole the turkey and left out the back door while we were sharing stories with MIL but I’m just so confused why anyone would do something like that. I can’t bring myself to actually make the accusation out loud. So we were left in the terrible position of having everything else ready, but no turkey. We had to break it to the family that we had no turkey and everyone is confused and sad. Mary said she had to get going to an event with Chris, which deeply disappointed me. I told her as much and she just said she’ll see us again later this weekend. My in laws went driving around to restaurants and grocery stores and pieced together enough stuff that we were able to have a meal much later than expected, but it felt like the whole day was ruined. Everyone was kind of murmuring about Chris leaving around the time the turkey disappeared, but no one wanted to actually accuse him out loud because it’s such an explosion allegation and there’s not actually any proof. I’m just confused why anyone would do such a thing, and heartbroken because my MIL didn’t deserve this at all. At one point she teared up but pulled it together. I’m also increasingly angry with my daughter but I feel like I can’t say anything because she’ll just pull away more. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Wait, the turkey was almost ready... wouldn't it have been super hot and difficult to carry???* "That’s why I haven’t formally said anything because it doesn’t make sense how he could steal a hot turkey." "I strongly suspect Chris stole it. But it’s such a cruel and strange thing to do, and the logistics of it don’t make sense." *Could it be a neighbor?* "I don’t have any reason to think a neighbor did this. Also Chris disappeared right when the turkey did." **Update (Same Post, 8 hours later)** I was talking with my son today and he told me that last night Chris started taunting him over text about the missing turkey. So that settles it - Chris stole the turkey basically as a big fuck you to all of us. My son didn’t say anything at the time because he didn’t want to make people more upset than they already were. One of husband’s siblings is very mad at us for how things turned out and how MIL was disrespected. Sibling is not talking with us right now. I’ve tried calling and texting Mary but she is so far ignoring me. That’s all I have to say about this. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1820lx8/update_guest_stole_our_thanksgiving_turkey/)**: November 23, 2023 (1 year later)** Hi everyone, this incident has been on my family’s mind this week and my son encouraged me to write an update. Last year I hoped to talk with Mary in person about what Chris did, but she blew me off and didn’t visit home for the rest of Thanksgiving weekend. We spoke briefly on the phone a few days later but she denied that Chris stole our turkey, even though Chris taunted my son about it (basically admitting what he did). Unfortunately, my MIL passed away about two weeks after Thanksgiving. The ripple effects were profound. Our family expected her to live through Christmas, so it was very difficult to lose what we thought would be her last holiday. And it was even more bitter that the Thanksgiving that was her actual last holiday was ruined by Chris and his incomprehensible theft. From there it got even worse. Mary flew in for my MIL’s funeral and mentioned that Chris might travel with her to see a concert in our city. We made it clear that he was not welcome in our home or at the funeral. He ultimately stayed at their college. But on the day of the visitation, a bomb threat was made against the funeral home and we all had to evacuate while the police conducted a search. The police were never able to prove it, but I strongly suspect Chris made the threat. My MIL’s visitation was cut significantly short and she was denied a dignified end. Some people who wanted to pay their respects ultimately could not because of the evacuation and inspection. One of my husband’s siblings has gone no contact with us because they blame my husband and I for ruining the end of MIL’s life by inviting Chris to Thanksgiving last year. Mary refused to take any responsibility for how her relationship with Chris has damaged our family. We (husband and I and Mary) have mutually decided to go no contact. My son has minimal contact with Mary and follows her on social media. Apparently Mary and Chris are still together. I’m sorry I have such a sad update, but my family and I are very grateful for all the support we received last year. Thank you. ***Relevant Comment:*** *No contact means cutting her off financially, correct?* "Part of it is there’s money in a trust from MIL that Mary is legally entitled to and my husband is the administrator. We also don’t want her out on the streets or to abandon her education. That would drag her down even farther as a person."

Guest stole our Thanksgiving turkey (a multi-year story)

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/187acds/guest_stole_our_thanksgiving_turkey_a_multiyear/

187acir

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/XxFireflyxxX](https://www.reddit.com/user/XxFireflyxxX/). They posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I added paragraph breaks for readability. Short and Sweet **Mood Spoiler:** >!crisis averted?!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/181ucci/aita_for_telling_my_pregnant_friend_that_her_kid/)**: November 22, 2023** One of my friends found out she was pregnant a few months ago, and she's really excited to be a mother. I'm happy for her and think she'd make a good mom, but there's one problem; she wants her baby's name to be unique and special, but the way she's going about it is terrible. What I mean is, the name she plans on using is godawful. If it's a boy, she's going to name him "Daynger" (yes, spelled like that to be unique), and if it's a girl, she's going to name her "Tinkerbelle". I wish I was joking. I asked her if she was 100% sure, and suggested if she was dead set on those names to make them the kid's middle name. When she asked why, I told her flat out that the child would get bullied if she named them that. I know just how shitty kids can be; I got bullied for my name, and changed it when I was 19. She got really upset and told me I was being unsupportive and I was a shitty friend. She's been ignoring my texts ever since, and it's been more than a week. I'm starting to feel kind of guilty over what I said. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Commenters come up with a myriad of insults and puns based on the two names:* "My first thought when she told me was the subreddit [r/tragedeigh](https://www.reveddit.com/r/tragedeigh)" "I think Tinkerbelle could be cute for a baby/toddler, but imagining a grown adult named Tinkerbelle makes me cringe just a bit. I don't think Daynger would be cute at any age, though, especially when it's purposefully misspelled to look more quirky." *Someone had to tell her:* "I feel bad that I hurt her feelings, but at the same time I felt like had to say something. I could've overlooked Tinkerbelle, but the name Daynger is awful." *What exactly did you say?* "My text was "Are you 100% sure about those names? Kids can be pretty cruel, and your child could end up being bullied for their name"" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): November 23, 2023 (Next Day)** We had a conversation over call. I decided to tell her about my experience getting bullied for years because of my name (Shayleigh, called Gayleigh), and it turns out she's been going through a lot. Birth complications run in her family, and she's been really stressed out about it, along with finding out that her boyfriend (now ex) of 3 years has been exchanging dirty texts with a coworker of his. I had no idea about this, and she expressed regret for taking out her feelings on me. I carefully brought up some of your points, and suggested using the name "Belle" for a girl, with "Tinkerbelle" as a nickname; she thinks it's cute and liked the idea. I also mentioned maybe using "Dayn" as a first name with "Danger" as a nickname, which she wasn't quite as happy about. She *did* decide to use "Daynger" (still spelled like that) as a middle name, which isn't nearly as bad as using it for a first name. On the bright side, the kid can tell people "Danger is my middle name". Thank you for all your advice, everyone. I really appreciate your help and suggestions.

AITA for telling my pregnant friend that her kid was going to get bullied for the name she plans on using?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/187acir/aita_for_telling_my_pregnant_friend_that_her_kid/

187acla

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/bgallagher **My local VFW Post is open to implementing changes.** **Originally posted to** r/Veterans **Acronyms** **VFW: Veteran of Foreign Wars (Korea/Vietnam)** **OIF: Operation Iraqi Freedom** **OEF: Operation Enduring Freedom** **RWB: Red, White and Blue (501(c) org)** **IPA: Its a type of beer.** [OEF/OIF Vets. What does your local VFW need to do that will get you to join or support their activities?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/s/RxHQZ8cyZq) **Nov 25, 2018** As with most local VFWs, the one in my town is close to closing their doors. I know membership has been dwindling and feel they lack in being “relatable” to younger Veterans to join their ranks. I’m a Gulf War Veteran and feel I don’t have much in common other than service to our nation. What do you feel these local posts need to do that would make you consider become active with them? Would you attend if they had monthly speakers on navigating VA claims or benefits? Building a better resume or job fairs? Doing community service events in line with Team Rubicon or RWB? I’m looking to assist a local post in my town and feel they need to have something in place that is sustainable to help bring in newer Veterans as well as various events that can bring in a stream of income to keep their doors open. Any thoughts are welcomed. EDIT: It’s been about 24 hours and thanks to each of you who shared your thoughts and suggestions. I’ll share an update once I speak to the post this week and see how open they are to change. Thanks again everyone! [UPDATE: My local VFW Post is open to implementing changes. Thank you for your suggestions!](https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/s/o6mP3UJcAJ) **Nov 29, 2018** I was asked by a friend to meet with my local VFW post as they is in danger of closing their doors due to low membership and no steady stream of income. My original post a few days ago asked OEF/OIF Vets what stops them from joining their local VFW. A majority of those who replied shared a similar sentiment. Outdated, dank and smoky halls with Korean and Vietnam-era Vets who aren't susceptible to change. Also, no viable programs to keep a newer Veteran engaged. I met with the Post Commander last night who is a Korean war Veteran. He's also a former Marine so he and I hit it off immediately. After discussing each others time in service and taking a tour of the post, I told him (respectfully) that the post doesn't have a money problem, it has an image problem. They are also reactive when it comes to people renting the hall and not proactively setting up events and/or programs. Unfortunately, they don't have the personnel nor skillset to advertise or properly manage them. I shared ideas based on comments that Redditors gave me on this sub. I am happy to report, each suggestion was well received by the Post Commander. He's open to implementing ideas that we discussed. I thought this would be a major hurdle, but they know they've got to do something different. My first step is to get an assessment on what it would take to update the hall area where they hold events. The lighting is horrible and has the old wood paneling that is commonly found in older facilities. The bathrooms also need a deep cleaning as the odor is very sour in the men's room. They have someone renting the hall Saturday afternoon, so my buddy and I will come in Friday night to basically field day everything. I plan on renting a floor scrubber or a buffer to get the dirt off the floor. We'll also attack the bathrooms and get them up to a decent standard. I already scheduled a contractor friend of mine to come in and share ideas on what can be done with the walls and lighting to update it. I feel if we chip away at it to update the space that they rent, it can set us up for additional rentals in the future as well as hold weekly events. i.e. Pasta dinners, beer tastings, Sunday Night Football, speaking and educational events for Veterans, etc. I've got my work cut out for me, but very excited about the potential. Thank you again to everyone who shared their valued suggestions. It helped me lead a discussion on what can be done to attract newer Veterans and offer things they are looking for. I hope this change will mirror other successful VFWs that went through positive transformations. I plan on posting updates on how things come about so stay tuned. Pictures to follow. Semper Fi. [My VFW Post asked me to update their “boring” sign with a new message. They loved it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/s/9jiMMiG4qE) **Dec 1, 2018** **MESSAGE ON SIGN** GET OFF MY LAWN JUST KIDDING BOOK YOUR EVENTS HERE [Update 2 - 2 years later](https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/s/12fAgIgJ8o) **June 12, 2021** **For my Cake Day, I’d like to give an update on how my VFW Post is doing from my initial update two years ago.** UPDATE: For those who’ve messaged me for before and after pics, here are links to what I have: [Men’s Bathroom](https://imgur.io/gallery/aWbUHdl) **8 photos showing the before and after** [Banquet Hall Lighting](https://imgur.io/a/YvvusqY) **3 photos showing the new lighting** [Banquet Hall Renovation](https://imgur.io/gallery/SrzE1cy) **8 photos showing overhaul of the hall** [Video of new pathway, “Freedom Walk”](https://vimeo.com/562237404?ref=em-share) **Video is the brick lined walkway** [News coverage of Walkway Unveiling](https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/vfw-post-close-to-shutting-down-saved-by-nj-community/3082988/) **NBC News coverage of NJ VFW re-opening** A little more than two years ago, I was asked to help our local VFW Post as it was at-risk of shutting down. It’s been a long road, but I’ve made positive changes and updates. Shortly after making some needed changes, they voted me in as the Commander. Here’s what I’ve done to keep the Post going. Renovated Bathrooms: This was a priority for me. I felt that as rentals are the main source of income, a dirty and dated bathroom would keep people from renting. Or, having a return rental. I also noticed women were the ones making the decision for a party rental and they always turned up their noses if they went into the restroom. I was lucky to have a friend who is a GC, and got other contractors to do the renovation at no cost. One of our members owns a demolition company and gutted the bathrooms for free. So we stripped everything down to the studs and started from scratch. In a few short weeks, new walls, floor tiles, sinks, urinals, toilets, the works. We just paid for materials. This was a game-changer for us. Updated Banquet Hall: Again, this is our revenue driver. It was woefully dated. Dimly lit with wood paneling. Classic VFW. Changed over to LED lighting, new paint over the paneling, installation of a flat screen TV and a sheer curtain on the back wall with nice vertical soft blinking lights behind the curtain to “soften” the room. Everyone would comment on that back wall when they’d come to look at the hall before they rented. Sometime in the future, we’ll probably take down the paneling and replace with sheetrock. For now, it’s working. Got rid of Clutter: The bar area is in between the front door/lobby and the banquet hall. People have to walk through and it used to look like a storage shed. Ladders, replacement ceiling tiles, general junk. Cleaned up everything and got rid of the crap that didn’t need to be there. Local restaurant gave us bar stools they didn’t need to replace our 70s style bar chairs. Got rid of the college dorm single tap of Bud kegerator and was able to get a real four-tap system AT COST. (Bud and rotations of IPAs, pilsners.) Installed new bar sink system with ice cube basin at cost also. (Old sink was inoperable and was used as storage for paperwork.) Updated the quality of alcohol and broadened the selection. Updated lighting to LEDs, new ceiling tile (donated). Still need to paint and redo old vinyl tile floors. We also made changes to rental fees, hours of rentals and started offering events. Bourbon &amp;amp; Beer tastings, Country Night, Poker Tournament, Beer Pong Tournaments, Corn Hole Leagues, Blood Drives, Toys for Tots, etc. Then... The goddamn pandemic stopped EVERYTHING. No meetings, no rentals, nada. For a year we paused and lost a good momentum and a big chunk of money. Bills unfortunately did not stop. We did small fundraisers to keep afloat and applied for grants just to keep our doors open. This past March, we had $600 left in the bank. Everyone was talking about doing a Go Fund Me page and I didn’t feel it was sustainable. I saw other Posts doing the same with lofty goals in the thousands of dollars and only collecting a few hundred dollars over the span of a few months. I felt if we asked the residents of our town for money, we needed to give something back in return. So, we started an engraved brick drive. We were going to build a pathway on our front lawn to our flagpole, and asked the town to become “brick owners” of the Post. They can have their family names engraved on the brick, honor a Veteran in their family, and even offered engraved granite tiles for any servicemember KIA or a Veteran who passed away. In two months time, we went from $600 in the bank to $26,000. Twenty-Six Thousand Dollars. On Memorial Day we unveiled the brick pathway, had close to 200 people in attendance for our Memorial Day Ceremony and even fed everyone who came to a nice catered luncheon. We even got covered by a local NBC affiliate and papers. Such an amazing day. We also invited one of our founding members who fought in the Philippine Islands during WWll and created our Post in 1946. We surprised him and his family with his name on a brick that was the very first one we laid during construction of the pathway. He cut the ribbon and we dedicated the day to him. I was happy to show him what he started 75 years ago, still had the strength and vitality to carry on to be of service to its Veterans and the community. At the moment, we have seen a lift in members. And happy to see some OIF/OEF joining the Post. We have plans to do more for our Veterans as well as community based events. It’s been a wild ride these 2-3 years and if you’re tasked with keeping your Post alive, these changes can be done. But keep in mind, some older members are adverse to changes, especially if done too fast. I learned that you’ll need to ease into some of them, others you’ll need to make a command decision and just execute. And, sometimes you’ll also need to leave certain things be. It’s a delicate balance. But, keep them involved in the decision making process so they still feel they have some skin in the game. It’s their Post too, and not their fault they don’t know how to leverage social media to attract members and rentals, or host events that are more up to date. Update the building and you can increase your rentals. More money means your Post will stay afloat. Do more things for the community and be purpose-driven, you can attract new members. Possibly younger members. I lucked out knowing contractors who’d take on the work for free or for a few beers. You’ll be surprised with how many people are willing to help. All you have to do is ask. I know some Posts just don’t want to change, or the current members could care less about this newer generation of Vets. And those are the Posts that end up shutting down. You need to have those tough conversations with the older members and get them comfortable with change. I told our members that I respect our history but I will not operate our Post by looking in the rear view mirror. If something needs to be updated or changed out, we’ll need to make that change for the better. If you don’t think so, give me a good reason why or an alternative solution. “It’s always been done this way” or “that thing has been here for years” isn’t an answer. Once they’ve seen what the positive changes brought us, it became easier after time. Now they trust every decision I make. Just don’t do it in a vacuum. Make sure they play a part in it too. If you belong to a Post and need an injection of cash, PM me. That brick drive saved our ass. Happy to share details. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My local VFW Post is open to implementing changes.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/187acla/my_local_vfw_post_is_open_to_implementing_changes/

187acnl

**I am still not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Glittering-Sea-4908](https://www.reddit.com/user/Glittering-Sea-4908/). He posted in [r/offmychest](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/) **New update is marked with \*\*\*\*\*** At this point the newest update is 7 days old, as per the regulations of this sub. If you've seen it before, it would not have been on this sub. Previous BORU post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17cu1dj/new_update_should_i_tell_my_gf_im_dying_before_i/). **Trigger Warning:** >!pancreatic cancer; infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad- seriously very sad; now it's frustrating too!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16n26qg/should_i_tell_my_gf_im_dying_before_i_break_up/)**: September 19, 2023** Basically as title says. I (25m) found out I have an illness that will kill me. It’ll take over my body and there’s no cure. All the doctors can really do is prescribe shit to make you “comfortable” I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and she’s the absolute love of my life. Always loyal and there for me. I’ve been in and out of hospital many times over the course of our relationship. Mostly due to me racing dirt bikes, the most serious incident was a stab wound and I remember how scared and screamy she got even though I just needed stitches and got to go home the next day. This is not something where I can just go home the next day. I’m breaking up with her because she deserves to be happy with someone healthy who can give her the life she wants, and children. I’m scared she’ll want to stay if I tell her what’s going on. Part of me wants to lie and say I cheated so she hates me and leaves. We have lots of mutual friends she’ll find out eventually it was a lie and connect the dots on why I did it. But thinking about her crying from that lie breaks my heart. I don’t even know if this is the right sub to post it on. I just don’t know what to do. Break up with her and tell her it’s for her own good? Lie? Guess I also needed to vent because it just hit me this morning. I found out last week but it just hit. I won’t see 30. Edit: For people asking me what my diagnosis and prognosis is. It’s pancreatic cancer, something like 95% of people diagnosed with it die in about 3 years. I wasn’t even paying attention for not putting that in the post at the beginning, that’s my bad but as you can tell I’m a little overwhelmed these days. Reading this replies there’s no way I can reply to them all so I will do my best to do it here. First off, thank you to those saying kind things. Second, I realize how dumb I was being for wanting to lie to her. I made reservations at her favourite restaurant and I’ll tell her afterwards. Part of me hopes she doesn’t stay but we’ll see what she chooses. ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP's thoughts:* "I’m more scared of her staying rather than leaving. I stayed by my friends side even having to make the decision to unplug him. It’s not a pretty sight watching someone you love deteriorate. I’d prefer her to leave but we’ll see what happens after dinner" *Do you regret your decision to stay by his side?* "I don’t regret it. But I’m not like her. She’s similar to my friends mom. Cried everyday and couldn’t even visit him after the third month. It sucks but it’s true, some people can’t handle hospitals and there’s nothing wrong with that" *Do you have someone to make medical decisions for you?* "I have a Health Care directive in place already. I don’t want anyone to be burdened with those decisions. I know how stressful it can be" *Proposing:* "I’ve thought about marrying her ever since I saw her. It’s cliche and cheesy but I immediately fell in love with her eyes. However, after getting this diagnosis I don’t want to marry her. I can’t let her be a widow this young. I’m already on the hunt for a ring which she’ll receive with a note and a gift from me after I’m done. I don’t want to marry her anymore but she’ll know she’s my one and only forever. Sorry for being cheesy or corny but at this point idc about any of that. I’m dying lol" *Symptoms (for those of you who might want to get tested:)* "Went to the doctors for a checkup because I was losing a weight despite my history of gaining/maintaining my weight. I work out 6 days a week and while I’m no pro athlete I’m by no means out of shape. Doctor blamed it on stress from work (which is true my job is stressful) and said I can follow up with a specialist if I want medication for the stress. Went on with my life best I could but kept losing weight and everyone got worried. Went back to the doctors and they ordered blood work. Got the results which obviously were not good and got sent to a specialist. While everyone thought the stressful job was the true reason, I was getting tested and scanned at the hospital where they (and I) realized I have slight jaundice. They then asked what my crap was like and I thought abt it and told them. Apparently your poop tells you a lot more than just general health. Tests and scans showed I have a growth. Blah blah blah you’re now caught up to where I was told I have cancer and now we’re here." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16ro3zr/update_i_told_my_girlfriend_im_dying/)**: September 25, 2023 (6 days later)** Title: UPDATE: I told my girlfriend I’m dying Took her to dinner at our favourite date spot, had some amazing food and some drinks like always. The date continued like normal we drove down to the beach and started walking till we got to our spot. She spoke first and said that she could tell there’s something I want to say because I have “that look” on my face. She then made a joke about how it’s too soon for us to get engaged so if there’s a ring in my pocket it better say there. This made it so much harder, she thought there was a ring in my pocket when I’m about to tell her there never will be. Absolutely broke my heart. I told her she’s right there’s something I want to say, and I told her everything. From how I found out to what the diagnosis means to the prognosis. I made sure to not sugar coat it or leave anything out. She deserved to know everything. For the next hour it was a mixture of asking me if I’m sure and how could this be possible and crying. She immediately said she’s going to stay by me and I don’t need to worry about anything. I told her she needs to take a few days to think about it. I had already arranged for her best friend to be waiting in the other parking lot to take her to her house. I went home alone. Before anyone calls me names for not driving her home, I didn’t want her to be alone after finding out but I also didn’t want her to see my cry. If she saw me tonight she’d get more scared. It would hit her that I’m terrified and she’d lose her shit. I got an update that she fell asleep because she cried so much. I sent an Uber eats of her favourite dessert to her friends house so it’ll be there when she wakes up. As soon as I’m done typing this I’m meeting up with my 3 closest friends to hangout. I’ve known two of them for 20 years and the other one for 18. Were very close and share too many TMI details. If anyone has suggestions on how to break the news of this to them I’d greatly appreciate it. In the meantime I’ll be drinking for two; me and this bast\*\*d cancer 🥃🥃 **EDIT: Same Post, Next Day** Thank you for the kind words. Couple things to add 1. I’m in Canada so I have free healthcare I’m not worried about the cost of fighting this 2. I still haven’t seen my girl as she’s still at her friends house. She’ll text me to ask how I’m feeling and gets mad when I say I’m fine or make a joke. 3. TELLING OTHERS Couple things you need to know about my friends. Two of them are in medical school and the other in law school. They’re still idiots though. I started off by asking one of them to make a cancer joke, ending it quickly with “too soon man too soon” and that’s how my best friends found out I have cancer. Medical school friends started telling me about new drugs and treatments while my law school buddy demanded to see my medical directives form and that’s also how they found out I’ve been an organ donor for years Parents: Still don’t know Sister: Can’t even pretend to have a clue on how to tell her, I still see her as my baby sister so it’s tough lol Boss: Asked for a one on one this morning and told him my diagnosis. He said he’ll help me abuse the companies benefits as much as I want. I told him all I really want is to show up to work like nothings wrong and no one find out until I pass out at work. He agreed My daily is a 2022 R1 (blue crotch rocket for you non-motorcycle folks). I love that bike and have been asked if I’ll stop riding due to this. Short answer is hell no. I’ve known I had something bad inside of me way before getting cancer, life goes on and so will I. I’ll do my absolute best to keep y’all updated if you’d like. Thanks ***Relevant Comments:*** *About the 'stab' wound he had in the first post:* "Motorcycle accidents happened on track or trails. Getting stabbed was a Tuesday night in the UK lol" *The ones he's told:* "So far I’ve told four people and given them all the choice to walk away with the good memories we’ve had. 3 friends told me to F off and that I can’t get rid of them. Waiting on my girl now lol" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/177k6yx/she_made_her_decision_but_went_back_on_it/) **2:** **October 14, 2023 (3 weeks from last post)** **Title:** She made her decision but went back on it For those who don’t know me I’m 25M diagnosed with terminal illness. I gave my girl an out if she wanted it. You can read my posts for a better understanding. Sorry for being MIA, it’s been kind of crazy. My girlfriend made the decision to not stay. She said she doesn’t think she can handle it and doesn’t want me to have to take care of her when it should be the other way around. I said I understand and will always love her. Paraphrasing here but that’s the gist of it. Yesterday she called me and said she’s thought about it and wants to stay… she brought up all the other crap we’ve gotten over and how we always end up stronger. She wants to talk about getting married and kids, while I still can. When I asked what made her change her mind she said she’ll tell me after I answer, no matter what I answer. This made me uncomfortable because she changed her mind. I told her I need time to think but once again I’m back to you lovely people to ask, what the heck do I do? Am I overthinking this? While I’m here I’ll tell y’all what happened with others. Family: Told them while I was at my parents for dinner. I brought my scans and test results and just explained it using facts not feelings. I did this because my parents both hold PhDs and are university professors, I thought they’d accept it easier with evidence rather than feelings. Seeing my sister cry shattered my heart into a million pieces. I just hugged her and said it’ll be okay because now she knows she’ll get my car soon. She laughed a little and for some messed up reason that made everything okay to me. Friends: the 3 dum dums i call my best friends helped me tell some other close friends. They’re being supportive and nice. I told them to cut it out and go back to roasting each other. They listened and were good now. I’ve also told my work besties because they deserve to know. I sucked at answering everyone’s comments and questions last time. I promise to try and do better here. As usual, I’m off to get drunk with dum dum #1 to 3. Cheers bud 🥂🥃 **\*\*\*\*\*Newest Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Glittering-Sea-4908/comments/182jgx0/disappointing_update_lol/)**: November 23, 2023 (1 month and 1 week later)\*\*\*\*\*** **Title:** Disappointing update lol First off, to people who commented and messaged sorry for being MIA I’ve been trying to get through them. Thank you to everyone who said kind things. A lot has happened since my last update. My girl said she would tell me why she changed her mind after I gave her an answer. I told her I wouldn’t give an answer till I knew what changed her mind AND BOY WAS I NOT READY FOR THE ANSWER. A lot of y’all thought she would tell me she’s pregnant. Nope… She didn’t want me to die without knowing her biggest secret but only wanted to tell me if I stayed with her. Are y’all ready? SHE CHEATED ON ME WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FROM A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT. I still don’t get how this made her change her mind but it’s the only explanation I got from her. He just happened to be comforting her and made a move. She just happened to be emotionally vulnerable. Because it always “just happens” right??? I thought I’d want to scream or shout out at her but all that came out was a big ol goofy smile and laugh. That pissed her off but I’m sorry this is hilarious. I’m dying and she wants sympathy from me. I never asked her to stay. I never asked her to “take care of me”. Not now not back when I got in my accident. I got up and left. She’s been texting and calling nonstop, sent every single one to voicemail. Her friends are calling me an ahole for leaving her like that… screw what they say. They all knew and didn’t tell me. Update for the rest of what’s going on with me. I drink a lot. Like too much a lot. I know it’s bad but it makes everything feel normal. The world when I’m drinking is just so much better than when I’m sober. I’m thinking of doing chemo but idk if there’s a point. I took a look at my finances and turns out I have a tidy sum over here. I’m not going to blow it on hookers and blow or a year long trip. I’m just going to work and spend it how I want. Whatever’s left is going to be split amongst my friends because my family doesn’t need it. And yes I already cleared it with them they have no problem with it. So now that I’m single and probably drunk I will be able to answer your questions and comments. Also I’m not sure if I’ve turned this sub into that one friend you can talk to about this random shit or not but if it’s not allowed let me know and I’ll stop lol. Cheers bud 🍻 🥃 ***One most recent comment on a former post:*** "Family is confused why I’m goofing around but I think they’re starting to get it. Saw my mom smile for the first time since I told her the other day and almost cried haha"

Newest Update: Should I tell my gf I’m dying before I break up with her

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/187acnl/newest_update_should_i_tell_my_gf_im_dying_before/

187acox

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/copycaptainamerica **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole and r/AITAH **AITA for not making dinner when my girlfriend said she would?** Trigger Warnings: >!verbal abuse, emotional manipulation and abuse, gaslighting, exploitation!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17v7hpk/aita_for_not_making_dinner_when_my_girlfriend/?share_id=UEhTpCml7pcmfhTyAUUky&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 14, 2023** I work from home and my girlfriend works in a hospital. Since I work from home I normally do most of the household chores and what not. Last weekend I was telling my girlfriend how I was feeling overwhelmed with work and all the things I do around the house and I asked her to help out once in a while. She said she would try to help out more and told me she would make a surprise meal for the week. My girlfriend gave me a list of groceries she would need and I bought it all on Sunday. She didn't cook on Sunday because it was too late at night for her to cook and she didn't cook on Monday because when she got home from work, she was too tired to get started. This is where the conflict started. When she came home yesterday she was in a bad mood and got mad that there weren't any leftovers. She told me how it's ridiculous why I think it's fair for her to come home from work and be expected to cook. I pointed out how she said she would do it and even asked me to buy the groceries for her. She said I shouldn't expect this of her because she will always be too tired to cook right when she comes home from work and I should have known that. I told her how unfair she was being and that she is playing games by expecting me to read her mind to know that when she says one thing she means the other thing. She said I was being a bad partner for not thinking about what she would need from me and that in not providing her with food when she comes home then I am just failing. She is at work right and I am so pissed that I really just want to break up. Am I crazy here? EDIT: hello everyone, thank you for all of your responses. I am going to post an update at some point but I've decided I am going to break up. I've reached my breaking point and I don't want to live like this anymore. My friends are going to help me move my stuff to his place. I will update when it's all over. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **FatCatOlive:** Info: how many hours does she work, and how many hours do you work? There must be a reason that you have been fine with doing most of the house work for so long - why the change now? >**OP:** normally 44 hours, but she sometimes gets called in to work. I work 40 hours a week and I am off on weekends. > >Since we've been living together I've been mostly okay with doing the chores around the house, but I've been going through a lot of stress with work and it's becoming harder for me to finish a lot of the tasks before she gets home. Right now i'm at this point where I will have to start cleaning/cooking after work instead of on my lunch break. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1825d2q/update_aita_for_not_making_dinner_when_my/?share_id=t1Fsq42aYGYi27xqiltpi&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 23, 2023** So I posted this about a week ago and I got a lot of responses and I appreciate everyone taking the time to read it. To answer some questions I saw a lot on the post, my ex is a nurse and she does work 12 hour shifts. I work from home and I work in sales. Some of you asked if we had the discussion on division of labour and to a degree we did, but there were somethings I knew I would need to do because she couldn't. Some of those being doing her laundry (her mom did all of her laundry and she doesn't know how to use washer and dryer and doesn't want to learn), groceries, bills and keeping the house tidy. A few of you asked how long the commute is for her. In the mornings she could be at work in 16 min, but sometimes it'll take her 30 - 45 min to get home with traffic. Something I neglected to mention in my previous post was that this isn't the first time we've had this discussion where I've felt overwhelmed and me telling her I need help. This time was the first time in which it felt like she was turning it around on me and (a few people even said this) I didn't feel like her partner, I felt like a live in maid. She sometimes helps out when I ask on her time off but she will complain and make me regret even asking her. So what happened? I had spoken with my friend to ask him if I could stay with him and his wife for a little while (they're familiar with the situation). They told me they'd be by on the weekend to help me move out. The days leading up to the weekend were awkward. Like we would have small talk about how her shift was and she would tell me how things were fine and then watch her shows on her ipad. I asked her if she wanted to talk about the fight and she said there wasn't anything for us to discuss. I told her that I wanted to talk about it and she was annoyed with me. Like she was watching this thing on YouTube and she put it down, looked at me and said with wide eyes "okay, what do you want to talk about". I told her that I wanted out of this relationship and that I was deeply unhappy. She asked me why I hadn't told her this before, like months ago. I told her how I had been telling her so many times that I have been feeling overwhelmed and she wasn't helping but contributing to my struggle and I didn't want my life to be like that. She got mad at me and repeated that I never used the words that I was unhappy and that there is only so much that she can do when she gets home. I told her how crazy that is not to put 2 and 2 together to see how being overwhelmed can lead to unhappiness. She asked me if this was because she didn't cook or do the dishes (the day I wrote the original post, I made roasted vegetables but I was feeling really sick and asked her to do the dishes and she didn't do it). I told her that it was partially that but I also specified how I hate feeling like the bad guy for just asking her to help out and that she won't help me even when I ask but I will do anything for her if she asked me. She told me that I should feel like a bad guy and a bad partner for expecting her to cook or clean when she comes home from work and she is exhausted while I get to work from the comfort of our home. I got really mad because it felt as though she was dismissing how I was feeling and downplaying the stress/anxiety. I asked her if she can see why it's better for us to split up since we don't see each other as good partners. She agreed and told me she wanted to go back to watching her show. I told her I'd be out by the weekend and she just hand waived me off and unpaused her show. I don't think she took me seriously. I wasn't expecting it to end like this and she was acting like it was normal It was on Friday when she really laid in to me I was packing my things up and she saw. She was in a bad mood when she came home and she downplayed everything I did for the both of us. She told me my cooking was awful, that she hates telling me how I need to clean, that her clothes still smelled after I washed them and the house looked like shit. I didn't want to escalate things and truth be told, when she gets like this I actually get scared so I didn't engage with her. I think it finally hit her that I was being serious. She locked herself in our bedroom and I don't know what she was doing in there, but I can assume that she had spoken with her parents because her mom had called me as I was moving out. Her mom is a sweet woman and she explained to me how she understands how I must be feeling but asked me not to leave and that she would come over to help with whatever needed doing. I told her it was too late for that and I couldn't be around my ex for a while. She told me to take some time but begged me not to end things with her and that she would talk with her and work something out like a mediation. I told her I'd think about it, partially because I felt guilty not having confided with her about this before. I didn't see my ex on Saturday when we moved out but she has been texting me and apologized for her behaviour but she wants to meet up at the end of the month to talk. As of right now, I'm just chilling in my friend's basement and things are okay for now but I feel so bad about everything. I'm thinking about going to see her and her mom next week just to talk but not to get back together. Anyways thats where I am right now. More happened but I tried to keep this as short as I could. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for not making dinner when my girlfriend said she would?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/187acox/aita_for_not_making_dinner_when_my_girlfriend/

187ad50

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Shima69 **I [26F] will be co-worker with former friend [26M] who I was abusive towards & bullied him continuesly.** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional abuse and manipulation, bullying!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4cyruu/i_26f_will_be_coworker_with_former_friend_26m_who/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  **April 1, 2016** Note: I was asked to remove and resubmit because of the wrong choice word in the title. I used to be a complete b-word during high school. There's no denying that. I'm very ashamed of the kind of person that I was. It was partly because my parents spoiled me too much with my good looks (which I had out of pure luck and chance) and myself too. I was extremely arrogant and selfish. There was this boy in high school. Kind of a loner, always busy studying and doing projects, no friends, getting bullied quite often. He was very intelligent, always the best when it came to grades. I wasn't friends with him, I was one of the 'cool' girls and I only hung out with other cool girls and boys, I was usually the center of attention. There's always a gang of bad girls in schools, I was their leader. I wasn't doing well with my grades, mostly because I wasn't spending time studying and was obsessed with other things. I had the selfish idea of using this boy. So I befriended him and let him close, in order to get some help in return with my studies and he did help me a lot. Sometimes he helped me for hours before exams or coursework and it helped my grades a lot. His friendship with me made him more popular as well. This kept going for almost two years, and I knew he liked me but I never considered that. He eventually asked me out, which I responded horribly to it. I laughed at him, told him that he's not good enough for me, and since I didn't need his help anymore I told him that I only befriended him so that he would help me, not because I liked him in any way. I was a complete bitch. After that I asked other girls to make fun of him constantly which made his life difficult. So time passed and I only realized at college what a complete bitch I was. To him and other people. I've had therapy and I'm not the same person anymore. So right now I work in HR. I was going through the list of the people who are starting to work for us next week since I'm the person who basically meets them on day 1, handles all the process, etc. Yeah, he's one of them. I want to make things right with him and apologies for my horrible behavior, but I don't known how to do that. What should I say? I really don't know. And when should I do it? It will be extremely awkward on day 1 if he meets me as the person who welcomes him at the door without any prior knowledge. Should I contact him before his first day? P.S. I can't ask someone else to handle him when he arrives on his first day. I'm the only person who has this responsibility right now. **tl;dr:** Friend who I was a abusive & bullying towards during high school is going to be a coworker and I have to welcome him at work. How do I do this right? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **OOP ON WHY SHE NEVER APOLOGIZED BEFORE** >I was willing to go apologies to him when I was working with my therapist but she suggested that leaving him alone is the best thing to do, since he probably has moved on as well. She suggested that I can always apologize if our paths crossed. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4f3vv6/update_i_26f_will_be_coworker_with_former_friend/)  **April 16, 2016** I'd like to thank all of you who gave me suggestions. Those of you who believed me, those who didn't believe that I was a changed person or doubted my intentions, all of it helped me a lot. I love you all ❤️. So I decided to write him a handwritten letter, and give it to him on the day that he starts and move on professionally to the rest of the day, and explain everything in the letter. Since I was the person who was supposed to welcome him to work, that meant it had to be the first thing I was going to do. I took a lot of ideas about what you said to me so this is the letter I wrote: Hi James You're probably surprised to see me here, I'm sure I'm not on your list of favorite people to randomly meet. Without any excuses, I want you to know how sorry I am about how I treated you in the past. When I look back at the things I've done, there's nothing in my life that I'm more ashamed of. I can't imagine how it must have been for you during that time, and I don't pretend to understand. I'm just sorry for all that I did. It haunts me every day in my life, and it should. You might think I'm only doing this to seek forgiveness to feel better about myself, or maybe I want to make sure nothing happens to my job and career, you have every right to think that. But this letter isn't about asking you to forgive me, or telling you how much of a changed person I am. That's would make it all about me but this is about you. It's about where we are right now. We're going to be coworkers, and I want you to know that I will never ever do anything that might make your life difficult at work. It's funny I say that, because my mere existence here will probably cause just that. And even if it doesn't, how can you trust any word that comes out of my mouth? You shouldn't. But that's all I have to work with. I don't know how you think of me at this time, or whether you want to talk to me about the past or not. It's your decision and I will comply to whatever you decide. If you decide to not talk about the past at all, I'm fine with that. When I return we'll go through the rest of the formalities like professional colleagues, and we only speak when we have to. If you want to talk to me about the past, that's fine as well. Be assured that it won't be about me. If you need someone to yell at, someone to be angry at, or even a punching bag, I can be those things. You have every right to work in a place that you feel happy and safe and if my existence threatens that (which is completely understandable), the we shouldn't work in the same place. So if that's the case, just give me the word and I will request a transfer or I will quit. This offer is open ended. Regardless of what you decide or how you think about me, I genuinely wish you well. These are my contact details: So on the day, when he saw me he was shocked and clearly shaking. When I offered to shake his hand he was very stressed. I proceeded to give him the above letter in an envelope and then invited him to his desk. I tried to act completely professionally. I gave him the very basic info, then told him that I will be back with the rest of the things in half an hour, to give him time to read the letter and feel more comfortable. When I was back he was more relaxed, we went through the rest of the stuff and at the end he passed me a note which said "6:30 cafe X" which is right around the corner. So I went in there and he was there, we sat there for a couple of minutes, not saying anything. Eventually I asked how he's doing and if he read the letter. Then he burst into tears and I couldn't stop my tears as well. After a couple of minutes, he told me that he was ready to quit on day 1 if I hadn't given him that letter. I reminded him that I should be the one who leaves but he told me that it's not necessary. He told me that for a couple of years he wished me dead and even though he managed to move on, he never stopped feeling angry towards me until he saw me again. We talked more and more and got everything out. It was almost 9:30 when we were done. The first two hours was about our past but the final hour was mostly a friendly conversation. We didn't talk again that week. This week one day he approached me during lunch time and we had a short chat about random things. Today he asked to see me again after work. We had a short chat and he brought up the letter again. Told me that he had time to think about everything. He said that he wasn't convinced that I was changed back then but now after two weeks he's seen me around and thinks that I might have. He told me that he's willing to forgive me and put the past behind us, and we shook hands as friends. Oh and at the end he said that I owe him a lifetime of favors (haha I do). I've never been happier in my life. And I can't stop crying. **tl;dr:** I wrote him a letter. We ended up taking for three hours and letting it all out. We talked again after a few days and a week later as well. I think we're cool. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I [26F] will be co-worker with former friend [26M] who I was abusive towards & bullied him continuesly.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/187ad50/i_26f_will_be_coworker_with_former_friend_26m_who/

187ae15

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Fit_Interview9591 **AITAH for canceling Thanksgiving dinner?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!infidelity, verbal abuse, manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/1Nn22F0FDj) **Nov 19. 2023** I am 33 (F), this year I have been sick on and off and I am not in a great shape for traveling. Nothing serious, I am just exhausted and my husband and I decided not to spend Thanksgiving with our families this year (also his parents are on a cruise and mine are spending Thanksgiving with my brother and his wife at her parents house) - so everyone is happy and no one is being left alone for Thanksgiving. Since we had a group of friends in town that aren’t traveling for Thanksgiving, we decided to hold a Thanksgiving dinner and invite a total of 10 friends over. I have everything prepared and actually ordered a Thanksgiving meal for 15 people (I like extra food so it really feels like Thanksgiving and then everyone can take some when they leave :). We ordered because I feel physically too week to pull off a Thanksgiving meal for this many people and my husband can’t do it alone either. We were both looking so much forward to Thanksgiving dinner. One of my friends of five years has been going through a tough period recently, and I wanted her to come, especially since it would be really weird that she is in town and is not invited, however: My friend, let’s call her Tina, has been engaged to her fiancé Max for over 5 years, since before I met her. So me and my husband have always hung out with Tina and Max as a couple. This past year, Tina told me that she has a crush on Max’s friend, Tom, whom we know well but aren’t friends with. I tried to support her and to be a good friend, but since she was trying to tell me details about how she was flirting with Tom when he would go over and how they touched each other etc, I told her that I wasn’t comfortable to hear the details and that it wasn’t fair that she would put me in this position since she wasn’t breaking up with Max and I had to see him again. Which made me feel like a liar even though I had done nothing wrong. She was upset at me but understood and apologized. With time I perceived that things advanced between her and Tom, while she still being engaged to Max. When she would complain about how her personal life was a mess I tried many times to tell her that this is super wrong and she should come clean to Max and either try to work things out or break up. I think she understood that she didn’t not have my support in this so she stopped talking about it altogether. We kept hanging out with her and Max and I thought and hoped that she solved things and cut it out with Tom. We invited Tina and Max for Thanksgiving, of course. Now here is when the problem starts. This Friday evening we were out with a group of friends including Tina and Max and I was surprised to see that they had invited Tom too. Max said something about Tom being closer to them and going often to their house. I didn’t like hearing that, but none of my business. However, towards the end of the evening our other friends were talking about how they cannot wait for the Thanksgiving dinner, and Tina told to Tom, you should come too! She invited him to MY house, MY party. Knowing full well that I don’t support whatever cheating f*ckery she is doing with him. Tom said he would love to and in that moment I just couldn’t speak. My husband said it was a great idea and that sealed the deal. Important piece of info: my husband knows nothing about what is going on with Tina and Tom because I wanted to respect her privacy and didn’t want to telling her secrets to anyone, including my husband. After Friday night I have been feeling sick to my stomach and so mad. So I decided to cancel the Thanksgiving party from being at our house and I asked one of my friends if she could hold it instead if I sent all the food there. I purposefully chose the one friend that doesn’t know Tom at all and wasn’t with us on Friday evening, so since he is not in the original text group where we sent the invitation he is not invited. Tina was furious with me and sent me a long message saying I had no right to do that just to uninvite Tom because I have no idea what has happened between them since I refused to hear details. The audacity and the disrespect. I am thinking to cut her off my life but I first need to calm down and thought to ask everyone here if by any chance I am the AH and overreacting? [Update: AITAH for canceling Thanksgiving dinner?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/nDwPwSjRZB) **Nov 23, 2023** Very shortly summarized, a friend of 5 years, Tina, told me about a year ago that she was flirting and holding hands underneath the dinner table etc., with Tom, who is a friend of her fiancé Max. I expressed contempt and told her I do not need to know. We didn’t speak about it again. I didn’t tell my husband anything about this to protect Tina’s privacy, but also because I was going through a lot health-wise and had other priorities. Fast forward, Tina proceeded to invite Tom (potential lover) to my Thanksgiving dinner, without my consent, in front of my husband, our friends, and Max, so I couldn’t say no. I was mad and canceled the dinner asking my friend who doesn’t know Tom to host it, so he got automatically uninvited. This got Tina livid, she proceeded to practically bully me with texts over 3 days, telling me stuff ranging from “you are not a good friend because you don’t want me to be happy” (and by happy she means having both her fiancé and her potential lover together in my house!) to “you are a professional failure because you didn’t get that job you wanted”, to “I am glad you got sick and fat so I don’t have to hear anyone anymore talk about how good you look”. Given all the drama, it didn’t make sense to keep it a secret from my husband, so I told him. He decided that it is better that we tell Max not only because he deserves to know, but also because we will cut her (or them if they stay together) out of our lives so he Max will have questions anyway. We decided to do it after Thanksgiving and were trying to decide if to tell Tina beforehand so she could tell him first if she wanted too, or if to have them together and talk about it the four of us. This was so that Tina wouldn’t feel it was a backstabbing situation(not that she deserves any grace at this point, but for basic human decency). We decided we would go to the Thanksgiving dinner and not provoke any drama so that the night wasn’t ruined for the rest of our friends. There was no reason to believe that Tina would cause any scenes, because she was chatting very normally on the group chat and even joking about something I said, even though separately she was sending me rageful messages (cringe). However, this late afternoon I learned that she had created an additional group chat and told our friends that I have been spreading lies about her to them, and any thing I had told them was a lie to make her look bad (I had not told them a word. My plan was to simply communicate to them that I had cut Tina out of my life after I did it, without providing any details other than saying that she tried to involve me in situations that made me uncomfortable. I also had planned to tell them that they didn’t need to choose between me or her, and that we could still hang out and I wouldn’t mind to skip the events where they wanted to invite Tina. Not optimal, but best I could have done). In addition, she asked them to choose between her and Max and me and my husband, because she couldn’t stand to be in the same group friend as me anymore after I ruined her life. Needless to say, my friends were super confused. They reached out to me (most of them have known me for over 20 years so they know that I don’t spread lies). I showed them all the messages and told them everything. The friend who is hosting tomorrow said that apparently Tina had asked if her and Max could bring a friend. Most probably Tom. After an hour long conversation with my friends, we decided to tell Max collectively today and not have them join the diner tomorrow (only Max if he wanted to). One of the friends called Max and told him we all needed to speak with him, and to come alone. He showed up less then 20 min later (lives only 15 min away), with Tina! She was already in rage mode and started yelling at everyone. We managed to tell him through a lot of drama and denying. Turns out he had a hunch and didn’t want to admit it to himself. Turns out also that they are both pieces of shit because he was apparently in a serious relationship with Tina’s friend before leaving her for Tina. We are all glad they are out of our lives. In a last low blow, Tina told me in front of everyone to take care of my marriage instead of her relationships, because according to her when she and Max lived with us for a few months (they had some financial issues), she had an affair with my husband! Of course I don’t believe it, but it left such a bitter taste. [UPDATE 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/49cBq2MSSO) **Nov 23, 2023** **EDITORS NOTE: EDITED OUT FIRST PART AS ITS A REHASH OF THE FIRST 2 POSTS** Right now, she sent to our group message a photo of a necklace that belonged to my husband family’s heirlooms, claiming that he give it to her. That is her only proof. For all I know, she might have taken it. He wouldn’t be as stupid as to give her something that distinctive. I do not believe a thing she says but it does leave a bitter taste and makes me sad. This is kind of a second update, because we are all at the Thanksgiving party and it is safe to say that the energy is so low. It seems like all my friends are affected by all this and I feel bad. AITAH for ruining Thanksgiving? Should I have let her to just bring Tom and not do anything? ##**OOP HAS APPEARED IN THE BoRU THREAD** * [Comment 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/E2xcA6n3WE) I am the original poster. I can't respond to all comments, but here is my general reply and update on this. I will address a few of the trends in the comments: 1. OP is POS and disgusting for keeping this from her husband. 2. OP is always involved in drama and loves it. 3. Is OP's husband cheating? How did he react to the whole thing? 4. Heirloom necklace whereabouts 5. OP doesn't have energy to travel but has energy to host Thanksgiving. 6. OP was mean to dump the party on her friend 7. This group of friends has too much time on their hands to sit around and discuss. Also what are the ages of these people? Do they have kids? 8. Tina, Max, and Tom are polyamorous and OP is just being weird. 9. OP says "my husband wouldn't give a family heirloom" instead of "my husband wouldn't cheat", so OP must know her husband is cheating. 10. Please let me know if I am missing anything and I will do my best to update my comment below. [Comment 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/b9pMXXwk5n) 1. OP is POS and disgusting for keeping this from her husband. \- Technically, I would also think that it is very shady of someone to keep something like this from their life partner. I, like everyone here, am self-righteous and think "I would never do that" whenever I see something I disagree with. However, everyone on here calling me disgusting didn't fully read or understand the situation. As I have mentioned in the original post and some comments (which are all over the place because I was emotional, so I am not saying it is anyone's fault for missing the details) I was very sick this whole year. Survival was the only thing on my mind, and it wasn't even imaginable for me at the time to think about other things, such as doing right by Max. When Tina told me about this in the beginning (about flirting with Tom), only 3 days had passed since I came home after a 65 day hospitalization. I was emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted and frail. I barely had energy to go to the restroom by myself. I also didn't know yet if I would make it. The doctors weren't sure. So no, at the time, telling Max was not a priority for me, as fair as that might be. I told her that it is wrong and she should stop it, and also not to involve me, because really, I had no energy to even exist. Of course if the things would have been different I would have had a longer conversation with her and taken a genuine interest in this problem, and done my best to solve it including telling my husband and Max. If I wasn't mentally exhausted I would have expected my self to also have a better judgement about keeping Tina as a friend. I must say though, that yes, this was the first shitty thing she did in our friendship. Since when me and two of my friends met Tina at work, she was always positive, little miss sunshine, so eager to be friends with us, checking on everyone, volunteering time to help underserved people on one of my NGOs (yes I have built several charities and NGOs and I still lead one of them, and yes I am throwing it in here to change your opinion about me being a bad person, I am really not). She also was a good friend to me personally. When I was very sick she would even do things like shower me and feed when my husband wasn't there because he has to deal with urgent work stuff. I suspect she has been faking to be a genuine and loving person and might be a narcissist, but this is just a biased opinion. Still, I think that I could have done better with seeing the red flags when she told me about flirting. I am not proud of keeping her as a friend. But she was there to take care of me when she told me, so I was in a vulnerable position and tried to sweep it under the rug instead of reacting. Not proud, but I don't think many people would have done differently being in my position. [Comment 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/3E2nhZuBus) 2. OP is always involved in drama and loves it. \- For as much as it is worth, this is the first time in my 33 years of life that I am involved in drama. I agree this one is pretty bad and worth one life time of drama, but no, I am not always involved in drama. [Comment 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/ZDnVsiZYM1) 3. Is OP's husband cheating? How did he react to the whole thing? 9. OP says "my husband wouldn't give a family heirloom" instead of "my husband wouldn't cheat", so OP must know her husband is cheating. \- No, my husband is definitely not cheating nor he ever has. When I said that my husband wouldn't give a family heirloom instead of saying that he wouldn't cheat, it was because the latter wasn't even in my mind. What I was doing is entertaining the logic that this is true for the sake of the argument, and arguing that he would not give that heirloom, because it is very distinctive and it is worth a lot. We have insurance for it and he would have known that once we noticed that the necklace was lost, we would have filed for it and called the insurance. If he gave it away, that would be insurance fraud. Even if he were a cheater, he is for sure not stupid. This was my logic to that phrase, but through it I wasn't accepting the idea that he might have cheated, I was just adding logical arguments that he didn't , on top of my subjective thoughts and trust in him. One more thought why cheating is not plausible. When I met my husband, whose family is extremely rich and well known, he was the most eligible bachelor in the state. Women were throwing themselves at him and hoping to get in a relationship with him. I was nobody in terms of name and recognition and money. I grew up dirt poor, my parents immigrated to the US to give us a better life, but our life growing up was full of challenges. I did do well for myself by studying and working hard, and I am professionally accomplished, but I had no name or money when I met him. He chose to pursue me despite the fact that he could have had anyone. Throughout our marriage he has been amazing. When I was in the hospital for 65 days, he NEVER left my side other to shower real quick. And this was after Tina had lived in our house and the alleged affair was happening. I don't think that a man having an affair will behave like that. I think that if he were with Tina at that time he would find excuses to not be at the hospital (he could very well say that he was needed at work, he does work for his father's company so he can take off as much as he needs, but also has big responsibilities there so if he had told me he needed to be at work I wouldn't have doubted it) and would run off to his lover whenever he could. Also, his father cheated on his mother multiple times, and she stayed. My husband has expressed disgust at that behavior so many times and always encourages my MIL to just get a divorce and stop tolerating disgusting behavior. I just know that my husband is a better man than that. I even think that he wouldn't cheat on me even if he didn't love me, just because he is bigger than that behavior. As regards the reaction to the situation, he was furious. Said he would press charges. The morning after Thanksgiving, before I even had time to search for the necklace, he was on the phone with our lawyers and the insurance company. I convinced him to put all that on hold and search because the surface where the necklace was in the picture Tina sent was identical to a piece of furniture I have in my closet, so I had my doubts. We found the necklace in one box of jewelry that I never use, which is really weird since it has its own box and its own place. I would have never put it there so my thoughts are that Tina took a photo and misplaced it. God knows why. I did have to hear an earful from my MIL though, who heard about this from one of our family lawyers. Rightfully so, I would have been mad if I were her too. [Comment 5](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/51K2XaqCzJ) 4. Heirloom necklace whereabouts \- It is now in our safe, along with the rest of the heirloom stuff. This was the only one I kept out for a ridiculous reason: it had a huge royal blue velvet box that looked gorgeous on my closet shelf. I have never really worn the necklace because it is too ceremonial even for a gala. My MIL was mad when she heard from one of the family lawyers that the necklace was lost and didn't calm down even after we found it, so I offered to give it to her since she has obviously more rights to it than I do. She said we will talk about it another day, so maybe the necklace will end up with her in the end. [Comment 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/ZCdHTxcyNf) 5. OP doesn't have energy to travel but has energy to host Thanksgiving. \- Yes. My brother lives in another state in the other coast. It would have been a long flight and I wasn't really up for it. At home I didn't need to do anything. We have cleaning staff and a butler who would take care of the decorations and setting the table in the morning before taking the rest of the day off. The cook was off all week so I had ordered food through catering which I then delivered to my friend who hosted. Also if I felt too sick I could always excuse myself and take a nap in my room. [Comment 7](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/mDvSnaO0Hv) 6. OP was mean to dump the party on her friend \- It was certainly a rushed decision and could have been handled better, but it wasn't mean. My friend has a big house and always offers to host parties for the rest of the group such as birthdays and even an engagement party. I delivered all the food and even sent our butler in the morning to set the table since we had already all the decorations. I agree though that I could have handled that better and just disinvited Tina, but in that moment I didn't really think. My friend was really happy to host though, even after all the shit show that went down. [Comment 8](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/DpQlk3uE0M) 7. This group of friends has too much time on their hands to sit around and discuss. Also what are the ages of these people? Do they have kids? \- Not really? We only sat once to discuss, the rest of the conversations were by phone and on the group chat. This was a big thing for us, since a person we considered a friend claimed that one of us was on purpose destroying her life. So it needed some clarification. Also since everyone decided to cut Tina out, it was much easier for most of us to be present in the room when discussing about this. It was evening and none of us was at work. Our ages are early 30s. One of our friends just had a baby and another is expecting. The rest of us don't have kids. I don't understand why this is weird to the person who commented this, but yes, a lot of people in their early thirties are only now starting to have kids, because they have had to work a lot on their careers and to get established. Nothing weird there. [Comment 9](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/bivPfcuGRb) 8. Tina, Max, and Tom are polyamorous and OP is just being weird. \- They are not though. I wish that could have been true so no cheating was involved, but no. By the way, Tina and Max are back together. One of our friends who uses social media saw a post by them about "being strong in the face of adversities and getting stronger together". Tom reached out to my husband to apologize for being part of this and for saying yes to Tina's invitation to join our Thanksgiving party. He said that he should have known not to accept an invitation that didn't come from the hosts and that he was sorry for his involvement in all this, and that he had thought that there was something special between Tina and him that was worth ruining everything else but that he regretted it. I don't know why he reached out, but I thought that his text was pretty decent. I hope he finds happiness in the future and has learned to never become part of an affair. **LAST COMMENT BY OOP** Please let me know if I am missing anything and I will do my best to update my comment below. I do have something else that is not a response to anyone's comments, but it is freaking crazy and I thought you would like to hear. Tina and I work at the same institution, a big university. I do clinical research and teaching at the university, but I am also a medical doctor so for part of the week I am at the hospital practicing. I never lock my office. Yesterday, I went to my office in the afternoon after a couple of hours at the hospital, and I realized that my degrees were gone! Not the frames, just the degrees! I sat there and ugly cried and finally realized how hard this whole year has been. I have my Ph.D. degree electronically as well, but I don't know if I will be able to replace my medical degree. It am kind of heartbroken over this. I am convinced it was Tina. This is such a psychopath move and there is no one else who would have done it. I reported it with the building manager but didn't mention her name. I did make an appointment with HR for Monday though, and I am thinking to tell them that I think it was her. I am sad though, as much of a shit she is, if she looses her job because of me (her actions but still me indirectly) I would feel bad. I still need to tell them because she is in contact with a lot of vulnerable people who are part of our clinical studies (such as older adults with dementia) and I get goosebumps thinking about the stuff that goes over her brain behind her fake smile, and the fact that she gets to be alone with these people. I am sure she does nothing wrong, but still. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITAH for canceling Thanksgiving dinner?

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/187ae15/aitah_for_canceling_thanksgiving_dinner/

187xs0a

I am not OOP. Trigger warnings: !>!Discrimination against new mothers!<! Mood spoiler: !>!Happy!<! Originally posted to r/breastfeeding by u/modmodlife [Original post:]( https://www.reddit.com/r/breastfeeding/s/Kl2jj5xA4w) 19th November 2023 HR says the only place available to pump is the bathroom I’ll be returning to work soon, so I asked HR what accommodations would be made for pumping. He said unfortunately the only place available at the moment is the bathroom, and sorry for the inconvenience. I’m annoyed at his response as I was recently in the office to pick up something, and there were about 5 empty offices. I’m also confused that he would think a bathroom is an appropriate accommodation in the first place. I’m trying to decide if I should go directly to my boss about this, or if I should send HR a professionally crafted response stating why pumping in a bathroom is unsanitary and illegal. Or both. I also work at a law firm which makes me think he hasn’t discussed this with anyone else before sending that email. UPDATE 11/20: Thank you all for the kind words, validation, and advice as I surprisingly got no support from the female figures in my life (aunt, cousin, mother, and sisters) who mainly told me to not say anything because they could make me come in the office immediately, multiple days a week, or said it wasn't a big deal, and I'm over reacting. I feel like there really isn't anyone (outside of reddit) that understands my point of view on this, or maybe I can't express it correctly. I sent the email to HR citing the law and providing links, stating it is unsanitary to prepare food in the bathroom, and that it is a legal requirement and tagged my boss. Then my boss responded also tagging the firm manager stating that the proper accommodations will be made, and I will not have to use a bathroom. I haven't had any more contact with HR. My boss called me and apologized on HR's behalf and answered affirmatively when I told him there should be conversations happening with HR about this incident. He confirmed there have been conversations. I have to say that I'm truly upset by HR's initial response, and I am very uncomfortable knowing that the firm may want to continue to employ someone so grossly incompetent and offensive. I'm not sure what could be done, or if I am overreacting, but for the first time in my over 8 years at this firm, I feel like I want to leave if nothing else is done. That's all I have for now. [Second update:]( https://www.reddit.com/r/breastfeeding/s/sz8rhkZDgA) 20th - 22nd November 2023 UPDATE: HR says the only place to pump is the bathroom I sent a response email to HR citing the law and professionally communicating that a bathroom is not an appropriate place for pumping. My boss cced management and told me I would be provided an office and would not have to use the bathroom. 11/20 my boss later told me the president of the company would contact me 11/22 I received an email from management with my boss, the president, and all other high level parties tagged (expect HR) stating that what HR told me was never the policy, and they have always provided appropriate accommodations to people with my needs in the past. They also apologized that I was ever told otherwise and want me to reach out to come up with specific accommodations that suit me. Turns out HR consulted no one about the policy and just came up with that response. He’s new by the way. Haven’t heard from HR since. * * * * * * *Tagged as concluded as OOP has a place to pump and an apology! Reminder - I am not OOP*

HR says the only place available to pump is the bathroom

CONCLUDED

sweet_chick283

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/187xs0a/hr_says_the_only_place_available_to_pump_is_the/

1883iiy

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/oh-dolores **BF wants to bring cat to my house** **Originally posted to** r/Pets **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/s/qgOyBJiMaR)  **Sept 18, 2023** For context, I've been around cats all my life, I love each and every one of them. I used to have cats of my own until a few years ago, and now occasionally cat sit for my friends' cats. I love them. BF and I have been together for a year. Each has their own place and we've discussed about moving in together in the future (not earlier than a year from now). The problem is, he has a cat and he spends most of his time at my place, so he suggested he brings his cat here so that she's not left alone for long periods of time. I had thought about it myself as well, that it's a pitty to leave the poor thing alone for so long. I wouldn't mind having her here, I miss the pressence of cats. Aside from what would that mean for the relationship, my main concern is the cat. She is 2 years old and blind after an eye infection, and one of the most easily scared cats I've got to know. She's never completely comfortable around the space and usually hides. I'm worried that the change would be too much for her. In general, I have a lot of confidence on myself around cats, mostly because I respect their boundaries and invest on time until they feel comfortable around me to slowly start building a relationship. I'm also a quiet person and I very rarely have people visiting. My BF's cat also seems to prefer me to his roommate. But I've heard some horror stories about cats taking moving to a new place, very bad. Like, getting a heart attack. I voiced my concerns to my BF, and told him that if she's coming over, it should be at least for a month, so that she gets to adjust to the place and not lose any sense of stability? We already bought things for her for my house, and she is to come here two weeks from now. Has anyone had similar experience? I expect her to hide for the first week at least, but is there anything I should pay special attention to? Thanks to anyone who shares their experience *UPDATE* It's been less than a week, I think Cat is adjusting good- I'm kind of surprised actually. She's visibly more chill when BF is around but in general she's strolling round the house, let me do some cuddles and regularly assaulting my carpet. Not so good news- naturally this comes with some extra chores (litter sprayed around evenly, plus BF being around more, ergo laundry, dishes to wash etc.). My fulltime working, fulltime studying, ADHD ass was a handful before, now I think I will collapse. Gotta have the Talk, wish me luck [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/s/1Wi4FeINnu)  **Nov 11, 2023** So I posted earlier in September about [my boyfriend wanting to bring his cat to my house](https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/16lqvml/bf_wants_to_bring_cat_to_my_house/), for a trial period of 1 month. I was concerned because the cat is blind and not very social, I was worried the change might affect her very negatively. So eventually he brought her in, and boy were we surprised. She was very brave from the first day to discover the rest of the house and from the first week she made herself at home. She turned out to be this aggressively playful ball of spikes- I discovered she loves chasing balls of wrinkled  paper, attack my rags and destroy my hands. I don't believe she was being hostile; she would brush my hand for cuddles and then roll on her belly, which was an open invitation to war, and I obliged. Apparently she was also very dramatically vocal when she wanted attention (which was always to fight my hand, not so much for cuddles). It was such a delight seeing her sprint (!!) on my living room to chase balls of paper. The biggest achievement of all though: because she's been blind since very early in her kittenhood, she's scared of being put on surfaces, as she can't tell the height she's standing on, and she gets petrified. As a result, she stopped wanting to be put on the bed and sleep with my boyfriend very early. However, I saw her being very curious here about beds and sofas when we were on them. I put some short boxes to encourage her to get up herself and explore. At some point I came home to find my couch pillows on the floor and I was so happy that my plan was working. Only to sit on the couch and see her jump on it. There are no words for this creature. My boyfriend would say that I transformed her into this hateful woman, because she is trying to engage in fighting all the time. Well, he took her back home a week ago (</3) and she is back to her usual self. Quiet, cuddly, kept to herself. I firmly believe she needs a peer to interact with. She is two years old but still a kitten at heart. [Cat tax](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/s/ydM7cJWYP2)  **Nov 23, 2023** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

BF wants to bring cat to my house

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1883iiy/bf_wants_to_bring_cat_to_my_house/

1883j5f

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/clisterdelister **Following the court order** **Originally posted to r/MaliciousCompliance **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/s/si4sH5vOds)  **Dec 13, 2022** Alt account, mobile. This is the first half of a decade long tale that is currently resolving in a delightful way. Over a decade ago, I came home to find I was being moved out by my wife. We weren’t in a great place, but I was blindsided. I was also served with a protection order that stated I could not come home without prior written permission, I had to go through my wife to see the kids etc. and it was in effect for 90 days. I was devastated. A relative connected me with a bulldog of a lawyer. This lady was brilliant and no-nonsense. She filed a rebuttal to the protection order, but told me these things take time and we were unlikely to see a judge before the 90 days were up. She was VERY clear that I must follow the court order to the letter. If there was ANY evidence otherwise, I’d be in an uphill battle if/when my wife renewed it. It only took one day before my now ex needed me to take the kids. I had crashed at a friend’s house, so I had no place to take them. So we agreed I’d watch them at home. I waited a few blocks away while waiting for an email. Ex called me and I reminded her of the details of the order and that I wouldn’t come until I had permission. This happened twice more that I waited down the street within the first week. So I told her I wouldn’t leave where I was staying until I had the email.  It was about 20 minutes away. I texted her to remind her. The very next day she again didn’t email. We were planning on me picking up the kids to take them to school since their school was only a few minutes from my work. However, because I had not received written permission, I ran out of time to drive to pick up the kids and then make it to their school and work. She called furious that I wasn’t there. I reminded her about the permission, and that I was out of time. She ended up being VERY late to work that day. She then wanted to write me blanket permission to come and go “as needed,” but my lawyer advised against it. Follow the order. The culmination of this was a few weeks later when she again forgot to send permission. Her boyfriend was staying over, but didn’t have his car with him. They both had to get to work, and that was the day I learned that he was her direct supervisor. Ex had to call a friend from work to pick up kids and take them to school, and the friend found out. Of course it got out at their work. Within a week of that, the boyfriend was fired over their relationship and my ex was suspended. By this time, I had my own place, so the kids ended up staying with me most days. I later learned that the protection order was the boyfriend’s idea.  Ex was quite mad about it as it  turned into evidence that I wasn’t a threat to her or the family, and the judge was quite harsh with her over it when we settled for support and parenting time. She called it “intentional and harmful parental alienation.” [Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/s/qWhFN8ZQmV)  **Same day** This is the second part that was removed from pro revenge. I’ll maybe fix it later there. This is the second half of a decade long tale that is currently resolving in a delightful way.  A decade ago my then-wife (now ex-wife) began a relationship with a guy and kicked me out of my house. The boyfriend was instrumental in blindsiding me and planning on how to keep me from my own kids. Ever since, I’ve kinda hated him. I’ve always been polite and respectful with Boyfriend because he’d become my kids step dad. But if swore if ever I had the chance I’d get back at him. I figured it would be something petty, but then he gift wrapped my revenge and I’ve been running with it for ALMOST 3 WEEKS NOW. My kids are mostly grown now. Some in university some in grades 11-12. The uni kids live with me while the high school still go back and forth with their mom. I’m also remarried now. My wife and I each have our own vehicles, but my wife owns and insures a minivan for when we all are going somewhere together. The kids are free to use it too as only one has a car. We only have one set of keys, so I put and AirTag on it. It’s a little transponder that tracks its location. I put it on there in case the keys were lost. About 3 weeks ago, one of my older kids took the van out for the night, but ended up staying at his mom’s on the couch. Around 7am the next day, another kid asked to use the van. I pinged the AirTag only to find out it was hours away in an industrial section of another town. I was quite concerned why my kid was out there. I called him up, and he was at his moms where he said he’d be. He had no idea the van was missing. I called the police and gave them the location of the van. Within 20 minutes they had stopped the van and the driver said he had permission to use it. Lo and behold, it’s my ex wife’s Boyfriend. The police weren’t very interested in detaining him as it would be easier for him to just drive the van back to our town and we could sort it out here. However, it wasn’t my van nor was he listed on the insurance to drive it. I asked that it be impounded. In Canada we can’t “press charges” but I was adamant that this was theft and that I wasn’t going to let it go. Since the guy was out of town with no ride, the police did end up detaining him probably because it was easier. I was given info for the yard where the van was impounded. Since we had the next day off, my wife and I drove out to the yard to pick it up. When we got there, I first checked for damage since it was sitting a little low. Nothing outside. When I checked inside, I found that it was was LOADED with industrial fasteners and cable. Think seismic mitigation. Turns out Boyfriend used my wife’s van to pick up stuff for work. My wife turns on her heels and walks to the office. I had to jog to keep up. She asks who has access to the van? They have the only set of keys, so my wife is assured only her or me. At this point I get where she’s going with this. I instruct them that NO ONE access the van but us. I had $35 with me, so I gave it to them as a tip. They promised me that no one would get in there, and they actually moved the van into a secured area within the yard.  Then we went home without the van. We weren’t even home from the long drive when I got the first text from Boyfriend about getting the equipment. I explain that we left the van as there were expenses we were not going to pay. Towing, impounding fees, daily storage. I told him that he’d have to pay for them BEFORE I pick up the van. He was super mad and swore he’ll pay me back. I said no way. Within an hour I got a call from his boss. They need the equipment ASAP for a time sensitive job. I explain that it was impounded and that I won’t have time to get it until next week now. And it has to be paid in advance. Boss swears up and down at me. I calmly explain that I didn’t steal a vehicle to transport his stuff. Boss was having none of that so I said I won’t tolerates that abuse and hung up. Then I blocked him and his company on every platform I’m reachable on. And that was three weeks ago. Since then I’ve been able to make excuses every single time Boyfriend tries to arrange picking up the van. Often because the kids don’t have the van so I have to drive them. Boss has gotten through a few times using other numbers and sent a ton of emails that I ignore, but I did reply and explain that both my wife and I need about 4 hours to do the round trip and that it needs to be paid for ahead of time. And it’s added up. $25 a day for secure storage plus towing and impound fees, etc. Plus I wanted to be paid for the fuel BF used as well as our travel. Boyfriend and I  agreed on the standard $0.58 per km, and so the boss e-transferred us for the total cost of our driving. By now the van has made 1 trip and our car has done 2. It came to almost $600. So on Friday it finally happened. My wife and I drove out and picked up the van. It was prepaid and ready to be released. I dropped off a dozen beer at the office when I picked up the keys and went to grab the van. However, I wasn’t going to transport boss and Boyfriend’s stuff so I arranged for it to be held at the yard at the same rate as a vehicle, unloaded it and left right before it closed for the weekend. I got a call from Boyfriend asking when he can come by with a work truck to get the stuff. I told him it’s still at the impound almost 2 hours away and the office opens Monday at 9. There was only silence on the other end, so I hung up after about 10 seconds. Through this I’ve been getting vague updates from my ex, who I’ve got a good relationship with now. She was livid with Boyfriend and was clear with me that any and all consequences were squarely on him. He’s kept his job, but is missing the next pay increase and is not getting his year end bonus. Ex said they’re way to short staffed to let him go, but he’s in the dog house at home and at work. No word on criminal charges for taking the van, but crown handles that, and I’m not suing in civil court. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Following the court order

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1883j5f/following_the_court_order/

1883k0o

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/pine123245 **My wife abandoned my girls when she thought there was a home invasion** **Originally posted to** r/Marriage **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!abandoning children, emotional abuse and manipulation, fear of home invasion!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/f0KgbgafFH) **Nov 16, 2023** My (34M) wife (42F) is a stay at home mom. Last week when I was at work, and my two oldest were at school, (5M and 3M) my wife was sitting at the dining room table when she saw a man walking down the drive way and going to the front door. He had, what she thought was a hammer. She went to the front door and the guy was trying to get in. The guy saw her and waived, and tried to get in. She fled the house and ran out the back door. She left her cell phone and Apple Watch. She also left our twin girls, (8 months old). They were sleeping in their cribs. She ran through the neighborhood looking for someone to help her call police. Eventually she found someone and they called the police. The police responded and cleared the house. Turns out, it was a repair guy who was supposed to go to our neighbors house and had been told that no one would be home and to just come in. She is mad at me for not being more supportive of her. I was stunned when she told me and was surprised when she said she left the girls. She is always yelling at me about how I don’t do enough for the kids, unlike her who “sacrifices constantly.” I don’t think that is accurate but it is beside the point. We have been having major issues in our marriage for a long time apart from this. She is acting like this is one of the most traumatic events of her life. Which is making me madder and madder. I am having a real hard time putting this one behind me. If this guy had been a bad guy she would have abandoned our girls to him all so she could save herself. Our house isn’t that big, and people in the neighborhood and online know we have two little girls. I honestly don’t know what to do. Edit: this happened about a week ago. I spent about an hour in the phone with her that day trying to console her. I tried again that night, and have been trying to take care of the kids and do all the chores at home. She has been focusing on what I think is a work from home job, but that she is lying to me about and trying to hide from me. Other than that she is going out with her friends to bars. She does not believe in therapy and is refusing to go to marriage counseling that I set up for us online after the kids go to sleep. A big issue I am having is the double standard that if I had done this she would have never forgiven me and probably divorced me. We had a fight because when we moved to a new house my side of the bed was on the far side from the door and that I needed to be able to stop an attacker. I have been yelled at for abandoning my daughters when I take a shower in the morning before work and they begin crying, or if she is sleeping in and one begins crying while I’m changing the others diaper and it takes me a minute to finish. I totally understand this is fight or flight and I’m not trying to Monday morning quarterback. I have not critiqued let alone criticized her. The closest was when I was surprised when she told me she left the girls. Other than that call or when I came home and she was annoyed that we don’t have security cameras, we haven’t really talked about it. Second edit: she has a phone that worked. I texted her to check in and she told me to call her, and that’s when I found out about this. When the kids are sleeping she usually has it. It’s a one story house. It’s an L shape. The doors are at one end of the L and the kids are at the other end. I don’t know how long it took for her to get help. It was in the work day and most of our neighbors work. It’s a walkable neighborhood, not in the country somewhere. I am currently in therapy. She has mocked me in the past for going to therapy and uses that as a way to invalidate my opinions, “what do you know, you’re just a depression case.” So there is no way she will see a therapist. The police had a a social worker with them who gave her a card for a therapist. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/whFgQreXVt) **Nov 24, 2023** Good afternoon Everyone, I wanted to thank everyone for all their comments and advice. I wanted to provide an update. Long story short, things are not going well. I feel like I am an airplane pilot, who is trying to land a plane while it is disintegrating around me, and that the time is now for me to bail out. I am also realizing how much I have normalized these issues, and that my good days would be at best marginal days for other marriages, but more likely would be awful. Since that post, I have really tried to do what I can to support her. I think I had been doing what I could to support her in the past. Anytime she wants to leave, she can. I do the lion's share of the chores at home, that means laundry, cooking, groceries, and morning and bedtime routines for the boys, (who are school age). We do an informal system for dishes and with the girls for the baths. It's close to 50/50 on that one. I also pay all the bills, and handle all of the extra curriculars. One comment that people made was that she just gave brith 8 months ago, and that I should be more sympatheitic. I totally get that. But since she gave birth, she has done 4 10k races, a marathon relay, and goes to a run group and dinner afterwards twice a week. She has also gone to networking events for her business that she is working on. Since that post we have had numerous issues. We have had more days with screaming matches than Here is a list of issues since the post. * She woke up early on Saturday, but didnt wake me or my son up for his early practice. (I slept through my alarm.) Didnt do anything to help us get ready. Her only question when we came back was how late were we. * The moment I came home, she went back to bed. I had all 4 kids by myself, which is fine. I took the kids to the store to run errands. As soon as I came back in, she got in a shower and left, and refused to take any kids despite their cries. She refused to tell us where she was going. * Sunday, she refused to go to anyone's hockey practice because she had to clean the house. While I am going to park at the rink, with my kids crying, she calls me because she had hired a person to clean out our garage, and wanted to know were we were going to move things. This was the first time I had heard of this. The woman did a good job of cleaning the garage, but she threw everything in the dumpster, including like unopened dress shirts. * We had a thermonuclear fight on Monday. My eldest was screaming at me to get a second helping of dinner ready. I tried bluffing to send him to bed without the second helping. He goes straight to her, and she overrules me. Once they leave the room, I explain what I was doing, and she spiked her laptop on the bed, and jumps up and starts screaming at me. Proceeds to follow me out of the room and is screaming infront of all 4 kids that I am a whiney bitch and not a real man and that I am trying to starve her kids. * Funnily enough, this was just before our marriage counseling session. I kept it, and while I was in the waiting room she continued screaming at me and attacking my character. When the sessions started she refused to join. She was puttering around and started blending something. I tried to be as objective as possible, and the counselor said that she was impressed with that. In the last 5 minutes I tried to just bring my laptop to her. When I did she collapesed into the room she was in like superman seeing kryptonite. She refused to do it. * After that, I went to bed, and she woke me up and wanted me to set up our printer. (We changed routers and I hadn't had the chance to set it up yet.) The lack of anger caught me off guard, and so I did it. She stood over my shoulder the whole time, silently, and refused to let me see anything. We had a couple of other fights along the same lane. But yesterday, thanksgiving we had a decent day. Not that it was overly affectionate. We just didnt fight. She slept in until 12:50 in the afternoon, and was snippy because I didnt have everyone ready yet. She wanted the girls in the carseats. She then began a 90 minute shower and makeup routine, and helped with the kids for maybe 20 minutes. We ended up an hour late for Thanksgiving dinner. But for us, that was a good day. Yeah there was no affection or anything, and we didn't speak in the car, but yeah, my mind forgot all the issues we had been having, and I wanted to make it work. That night, I woke up an attended to one of the girls who is very sick. That is the one thing that she has done exclusively, is attend to the kids when they wake up. She has taken kids from me when I do get up before her. (She says that it is because I am working). One fight we had in September she screamed at me as being selfish for taking my daughter and sitting with her. I had said that I didnt mind and that I was up anyway. And that became somehow me keeping her up because I couldn't sleep. The problem is that this has become a trump card in every argument. But, anyway I was with my daughter from 4:00 to 5:00, and she slept in. This morning, I woke up at 9:00, the latest I have slept in that I can remember. I started making the kids breakfast and finishing the laundry. She was working on her laptop already. She snapped that I shouldn't bother cleaning the house because she has hired someone. I tired very very hard, and refused to escalate, but told her that we cant really afford a cleaning lady, and that Ive got it. She proceeded to call me a little bitch and scream at me in my face infront of my kids. One of my boys ran and hid, and the other sat and read on the couch, but he was not happy. She blamed me for not having time to clean and not having money and that I couldn't clean or do laundry to "her standards" and that she wasn't a cleaner. It was about an hour of just constant abuse. So I spent today cleaning the house, doing laundry and taking care of all 4 kids. My sons did more cleaning than she has for a month. What has really disturbed me is not the abuse towards me. I have normalized that and I am used to it. And honestly, if she kept it behind closed doors, I was prepared to wait out the next 17 years and leave once my kids were out of the house. But my eldest son is clearly mirroring her behaviors and internalizing the stress. It doesn't help that she constantly wants me to ask him "who is his favorite," "who yells more," and "who is the better parent." When I refuse to do that, I am "scared of what he might say," I guess Reddit, that I don't know what to do. I am trying to fix this. I am keeping an appointment scheduled with a counselor. But beyond that, other than talking to a lawyer, I dont know what I should do. She honeslty doesn't see any issues with how she treats me. Her refrain is that "I am a diamond, and if you leave me you'll only be dating pebbles." Besides the fact that I dont want a divorce, and she spent the last 6 years threatening a divorce, I dont know I can show anyone who is that out of touch with reality, or seemingly so closed off from recognizing that they have a role in causing and fixing the problems with the marriage. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My wife abandoned my girls when she thought there was a home invasion

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1883k0o/my_wife_abandoned_my_girls_when_she_thought_there/

188481t

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Wasted-Elk-2355](https://www.reddit.com/user/Wasted-Elk-2355/). They posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17qxw6f/aita_for_giving_my_adult_daughter_money_to_make/)**: November 8, 2023** I have three kids we'll call Brock (24M), Misty (21F), and Ash (19F). Misty graduated from high school in 2020. Due to world events, her senior year was spent at home. Things like her senior trip, spring break, and prom got cancelled. Her school never planned a "make up" trip or prom for her year and instead went back to business for the class of 2021. Misty, props to her, never complained about it. She accepted things with a sense of resignation, if that makes sense. Regardless, I can see that it hurt her to see her brother and sister get to do the things she couldn't do. A few weeks ago, Misty reached out and asked if I can help her out with something. Her favorite actor is going to be performing on Broadway next spring and she desperately wants to see that show. She's in college and has a job, but needs help paying for a ticket. She made it clear that I didn't have to pay her if I didn't want to. But given what happened three years ago and how she took it, I felt bad for her. What she went through wasn't fair. So I bought Misty a ticket for opening night. It was expensive, yes, but frankly it was about the same amount that was spent for Ash's prom or Brock's letterman jacket and banquet. My husband doesn't agree. He thinks that I'm spoiling Misty. He doesn't see how it's fair to give our adult daughter money for a trip but not do the same for the other kids. To him, what happened in 2020 happened in 2020 and you can't do anything to fix it. I disagree. Brock and Ash got to go on trips, banquets, and prom for their senior year and Misty spent hers under lockdown. She really had nothing to commemorate senior year. And if anything, the money I spent on her ticket came out to less than all of the senior year expenses for either of our other children. I need an outside perspective. AITA? Or is my husband in the wrong? Edit: it’s late. I’m going to talk some sense into the dingus I married. I’ll update if possible. And for those who asked, the musical is Cabaret. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Husband's reasoning:* "If Misty was under 18, it would be a different story. My husband thinks that now that she's an adult, we shouldn't be helping her with funding "fun" activities like a vacation or a concert. He's on board with helping to pay for college, a car, house or wedding. "Adult expenses."" *More specifics on OOP's reasoning:* "Misty wanted to buy a ticket for a "cheap seat" and was short $100. I decided to take the money we could have spent on one of her senior year activities (for example, to pay for a prom ticket or a dress or a deposit on the trip) and upgraded her ticket to a better seat. Misty is really good with her money. This show she wants to see is a "once in a lifetime" experience for her. And I agree, after everything she went through, she deserves it. She's worked hard and needs a break." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1835n6n/update_aita_for_giving_my_adult_daughter_money_to/)**: November 24, 2023 (15 days later)** It's been a few weeks and I'm happy to say progress was made. I sat my husband down for a talk. Mainly, I wanted to know why he thought I was spoiling Misty and why he was gungho about treating our other two kids the same. I may have also chewed him out for acting like missing senior year was no big deal because he didn't see how much his daughter looked hurt during Ash's year. And that just because his family cut him off at 18 doesn't mean he can repeat the cycle again for his own children after spending 25 years trying to prove that he is a better parent than they were. I hate to admit it, but it boiled down to poor communication. My husband (MH) just assumed we were giving Misty money to go somewhere on spring break when we've never done it with our other two kids. We told our kids when they were starting college that while we're happy to help them with whatever expenses they will need, we aren't going to fund any activities that will involve binge drinking or acting like a jackass (i.e. Spring Break. I grew up in South Texas. I know that environment). MH told me he while he isn't upset about how much I spent, he wished I had talked to him about it first since we share finances. Now here's where I fucked up: I said in my original post that I sent money to Misty. I actually purchased a ticket for her. Knowing how quickly tickets go, I went on the ticket website and just bought one for her. She originally wanted to get a mezzanine seat towards the back for $160. I saw some available orchestra seats that were closer to the stage for twice the amount. So I told Misty not to worry about it, and I went and purchased her a better seat in the first row behind some tables. The total came out to around $350. MH and I talked it over and we made up. We're going to better work on our communication skills moving forward and be more transparent with our finances. Now here's the big update. Misty came home from college for Thanksgiving. We sat her down at the kitchen table. I had the spreadsheets detailing the amount we spent for Brock and Ash's senior years and the average. We told Misty that we're sorry we never did anything to make up for her lost year. We told her that we a budget for her. What does she want to do? Misty decided she wanted to do two things: The first is to use part of the money to spend spring break in New York. This coincides with seeing Cabaret. Her two best friends attend college in New York, so her plan is to take a train (we live in Boston, so it's a four hour Amtrak ride) and spend the week at her friends' dorm. My husband and I are planning a couple of excursions for them, like dinner at a nice restaurant. But this is all going to take time put together. Misty would also like to use whatever is left to buy a moped. All in all, this turned out really well. Misty is ecstatic about seeing Cabaret. This will be her first Broadway show and her first solo trip. We haven't seen her this happy in a long time.

AITA for giving my adult daughter money to make up for missing out on her senior trip?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188481t/aita_for_giving_my_adult_daughter_money_to_make/

188envy

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/sonspregnantgf **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITA for telling my son that his girlfriend is taking advantage of him?** Trigger Warnings: >!pregnancy loss, emotional manipulation and abuse, sexual innuendo, overbearing parent!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16523e4/aita_for_telling_my_son_that_his_girlfriend_is/) - **August 29, 2023** My son, Lucas (19) has been dating Maya (19) for a year. Just for some background, I’m a single mom and Lucas’s dad is extremely wealthy. Just a minor example of this is that his dad owns the entire block that Lucas lives on. Lucas has a job at his dad’s company making close to $200k per year while only working 20 hours per week. Maya is not from a well off family. She’s been on her own since she was 16 and had just enough to be ok before she met my son. She refused most of my sons help but she let him do little things like help pay for car repairs and better groceries. Then she got pregnant. Apparently the first couple months were very rough so she had to quit her job, then her car wasn’t safe enough for a baby, she had to move in with him. Due to complications, she lost the baby at 6 months. She was in and out of the hospital for the first month but it’s been over 7 months now and she still lives with him, doesn’t work, and barely contributes with household chores. I tried to tell Lucas during and after the pregnancy that Maya was milking it. I got pregnant with him when I was Maya’s age and I made it just fine on my own. I still worked, went to school, took care of my apartment, and later raised a kid all on my own. I think Maya saw an opportunity to get out of her old living situation and took it. He’s always refused to believe me and the last time I tried to talk some sense into him, he told me if I can’t respect Maya he won’t be in contact with me. It’s been 2 weeks and I’m wondering if I should’ve kept my mouth shut. &nbsp; **Relevant Comment** **GnuZach:** Maya has done nothing to indicate that she is just after your son's money and would probably be good for your son as your son seems to have everything handed to him. You're just projecting your own insecurities on a totally innocent person. YTA. maybe the devil. >**OP:** It’s been 7 months. There’s no reason for her to not be working or helping around the house. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1832fjl/update_aita_for_telling_my_son_his_girlfriend_is/) - **November 24, 2023** A lot has changed in the past 3 months. First, Maya and Lucas moved. I’ve seen pictures of their house on social media, it’s gorgeous. Shortly after they moved, I saw that they are now engaged. I have not been invited to the wedding. I know some of my family members have been invited but they’re not allowed to tell me where or when the wedding is. Between family and social media, I can tell that they’re doing very well. My son is finishing his final semester in college (he did dual enrollment starting from sophomore year and graduated high school a semester early), Maya just started a small business, and they got 2 dogs and some chickens. Maya and Lucas posted a pregnancy announcement today. Maya is 14 weeks pregnant. I called Lucas and left a message congratulating him and asking to meet up, I sent Maya a similar message. As of now, it looks like I will not be involved in my grandchild’s life. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for telling my son that his girlfriend is taking advantage of him?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188envy/aita_for_telling_my_son_that_his_girlfriend_is/

188g1wv

**Need help looking for an update?** Comment below! &#x200B; * View last month's [Looking for a Post - November 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17leer6/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_november_2023_edition/) thread. If you posted in previous threads and didn't get an answer, you can repost your question here. * We launched a discord. Please feel free to join. [Discord link](https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy) * **Do NOT harass OOPs. Do NOT comment on original posts.** You will be banned if you do so. * Always read the rules of subs you are participating in. **Do NOT harass OOPs.** * If an update found here has not be posted to BoRU yet and you feel it belongs as its own post, please feel free to submit it. * If you found an update that is not eligible for posting yet, leave it on the pinned comment in this thread. * If you found an update that is eligible but you don't want to post it yourself, leave it on the pinned comment on this thread. &#x200B; # DO NOT HARASS OOPs. Do not comment on posts linked in this thread or on posts linked in BoRUs. Doing so will result in a permanent ban from this sub and possibly the other sub. Leave your comments here in BoRU and again, do not harass OOPs. Please see the [brigading policy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6fk6u/meta_brigading_please_read_to_avoid_being_banned/) &#x200B; &#x200B; **Tools to search for a post** View our [How to search for a post wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/search) &#x200B; **Popular Posts** A list of the [most frequently requested posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/faq_lfp) such as the PS5 saga, Peegate, and the Thanksgiving Turkey. The one about the woman whose FIL and husband thought she would die in childbirth has no update. If you're looking for the one where OOP's husband gets violently sick when OOP's sister announces her pregnancy, you can [read it here](https://www.rareddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ze6pf2/my_husband_started_acting_strangely_upon_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button). &#x200B; **Want to know the origin of a flair?** See this [list of flair origins](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading/flair_origins) &#x200B; **Looking for something to read?** * [r/BestofBoru](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofBoru/) \- a companion sub of curated, concluded updates * [r/bestofpositiveupdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestofpositiveupdates/) * [r/OhNoConsequences](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/) by BoRU mod [u/mermaidpaint](https://www.reddit.com/u/mermaidpaint/) * r/BestofRedditorSagas for posts with a large number of parts * [Best Updates of 2021](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/rzxz1z/announcing_borus_1st_annual_best_of_winners/) * [List of lists of posts compiled by Czech](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17leer6/comment/kanqq5b/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) * [Recommended Subs & Collections](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading)\* \*Collections only work on desktop new reddit &#x200B; **Don't harass OOPs. Don't comment on original posts. Thank you.**

Looking for a Post? Ask Here! - December 2023 Edition

czechtheboxes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188g1wv/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_december_2023_edition/

188ilyw

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/bucky570 **in** r/Marriage and r/ChristianMarriage trigger warnings: >!verbal fight, depression!<   [**My wife commented on a post from reddit and now idk if I can come back from it.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/17pgldm/my_wife_commented_on_a_post_from_reddit_and_now/) **- 6th November 2023** Today I found a post from my wife. Actually it was a response to a post. The post was if you could tell ur younger self something 5 years ago what would u tell yourself. My wife's comment was *don't have a 2nd kid and get divorced.* it shattered me after reading it. I know we are going through a really rough patch. We both aren't perfect. But that is something that broke me. It sad cuase now I feel nothing. I'm not angry. I'm not sad. I'm not resentful. I just feel nothing. What do I do? We are already in marriage counseling and single therapy.   **Comments** **windowseat1F** *Reddit should really be anonymous, that’s kinda the whole point.* **vision40** *If she knew he was on Reddit and she posted on her main account she wanted him to find it.* &#x200B; **charm59801** *Do you want to get divorced? If so pull the plug. If not do the work and fix your marriage.* &#x200B; >OOP: > >I've been trying for months. She is the one fighting back. Saying stuff of how she wants to find herself and explore. But after reading that idk if I want to be with her anymore **charm59801** *Understandably, that would be a gut punch to read. Maybe tell her you saw it and go from there? Can't really get much worse* &#x200B; >OOP(*heavily downvoted*): > >I actually did. I told her that she has a week to change my mind and to pray for a miracle. But idk if I'm doing the right thing. I have to think about my kids to not just me &#x200B; **justicebeaver1358** *It doesn’t sound like she wants to be with you if she’s not making an effort to stay with you and posted that. I think giving her an ultimatum just speeds her exit. Or maybe it will wake her up and realize that isn’t what she actually wants* &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; [**Update: my wife commented on a post on reddit.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/17qmphv/update_my_wife_commented_on_a_post_om_reddit/) **- 8th November 2023** First off I would like to thank everyone for the comments whether good or bad. For all of those people who was angry that I gave my wife an ultimatum I should have said she gave me one first 2 months ago. Not going to go into it what hers was. *Editors note - he later revealed it in a comment on the original post (posted below for chronological order)* So on to what happened. I did confront her and that nite we had a fight. After going back and forth I finally asked her what she wanted. This is were she broke down and started crying. She said she didn't want to get divorced and her comment was impulsive and she regretted it. She was hurt that I was giving her one worded responses. She texted me because she was lonely and depressed. I told her I was on the toilet and I was sorry she felt like I was ignoring her but I wasn't. So after a lot of talking and forgiving each other cause I'm not perfect either and we both have done some stuff in these pass months, we are not going to get divorced. We are going to work on getting better for each other and for our kids. Our first marriage counseling was yesterday and I have some big issues I need to take care of to be better for my wife. She does to. We are not out of the woods but we are heading In the right direction &#x200B; **Comments** &#x200B; >OOP comments on the ultimatum:I gave her an ultimatum cuase she gave me one 2 months ago that kept changing. First was she needs to see a change in me and when she did see that change it morphed into well I need to feel a spark in me about u or I'm leaving. Should have mention that. By exploring she wanted to date other men.I was her first in everything and she feels like she missed out on alot. I think she said what she said out of spite and being impulsive. She wad hurt and angry cause I wad giving her one worded responses to her text. I was in the midding of a shit when she was texting me. &#x200B; **ProfessorButtkiss** *You guys had one of the most important conversations about your marriage over text? Over TEXT?!?!?!* *Step one: learn to talk about important things face to face. I sincerely hope counseling helps you guys.* &#x200B; >OOP: > >Actually it was a phone call &#x200B; **empress-888** *Gee, maybe she saw you commenting on other women's posts asking to be rated?* *That can be a marriage killer, especially for a woman who feels like a grocery getter and a snot rag for little ones.* **Editor's note - OOP comments a lot on rateme/selfie reddits(similar ages)** &#x200B; >OOP: > >That was her idea to post. &#x200B; **DescendedChuckNorris** *OP I would like to share with you that when my husband and I have difficult talks about anything in our marriage, we sit together, I sit in his lap and he wraps his arms around me, and then we can talk. Not sitting across from one another, not opposing, not individuals, we are touching. It allows us to have intimate, difficult conversations, to feel each other's response, to feel connected.* *You cannot fix a union by being apart.* &#x200B; >OOP: > >We do that. Most of the time &#x200B; [**Should your SO be texting other people of the opposite sex if they are only friends?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianmarriage/comments/17wm0zb/should_your_so_be_texting_other_people_of_the/) **- 16th November 2023** Just want other people's input. I get alot from both side saying yes and no. What is your opinion? &#x200B; **Comments** **Greedy\_Vegetable90** There is zero reason she needs to “meet” new people on Reddit. I would question why this sudden desire to DM random strangers and ask to keep her DMs shut off if the flirtation is that much of an issue. She should meet people IRL if her goal is to make new friends. >OOP: We keep going in circles. She thinks it interesting to talk to people from different places. I think it's disrespectful to our marriage. She will ask don't u trust me and its the men I don't trust. Most of the time she doesn't know she us being hit on. &#x200B; [**Am I being paranoid or is this guy flirting with my wife?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianmarriage/comments/17xjjsl/am_i_being_paranoid_or_is_this_guy_flirting_with/) **- 17th November 2023** I'm going to show u guys the text messages and I want your guys opinion. Note this guy started talking to my wife a month ago. This guy is from the UK and for context my wife was telling him how she was really tired for not being able to sleep that nite and has bags under her eyes. **Transcript:** >**Wife:** Its going "boring". I have such giant bags under my eyes. I want to collapse into bed, but after ... **Guy:** Thats sounds so tiring >**Wife:** I want to be chilling! Lol **Guy:** Come here and chill with me. >**Wife:** My hubs and both kids would be coming with me. I don't know if you'd want all those visitors. **Guy:** Haha I mean I'm sure I can make some sacrifices to make you a little happier. Wow thanks I mean I wouldn't do those things but that doesn't make me delicate. >**Wife:** Okay, maybe delicate is the wrong term. How about genteel. **Guy:** I mean thats better but I could totally handle you. >**Wife:** I mean, I only one rambunctious American. I don't think you could handle four. **Guy:** I think I could honestly. >**Wife:** Oh, the bravado of youth **Guy:** I think you underestimate me. &#x200B; **Comments** &#x200B; **Application-Visual** *shut this down. He’s a snake* >OOP: After a talk she blocked him &#x200B; **Beginning-Comedian-2** *This dude is trying to get with your wife. The bigger question is, why is your wife entertaining conversations like this?* >OOP: She is oblivious when guys flirt with her. She thinks they are just being nice &#x200B; **XRingLives** *You haven't answered the question that was asked by several posters. What is the nature of the relationship between your wife and the guy who is obviously trying to seduce her? How does she know him?* >OOP: She met him as a friend. She likes talking to people from other cultures and parts of the world. They have known each other for about a couple of weeks. She only thought of him as a friend **XRingLives** Met him in person or online? How old is your wife, and how long have you been married? >OOP: Haven't met anyone. She 35 we have been married for almost 15 years &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My wife commented on a post from Reddit and now IDK if I can come back from it

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188ilyw/my_wife_commented_on_a_post_from_reddit_and_now/

188l1ha

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/FoolsRushIn23 **in** r/amiwrong trigger warnings: >!possible infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!happy!<   [**Am I wrong for NOT telling my sister our husbands went to a strip club?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/175ps41/am_i_wrong_for_not_telling_my_sister_our_husbands/?share_id=kDw7NSqdz83KJnR0K-uwz&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 11th October 2023** &#x200B; Me (f30) and my husband (28) live in Las Vegas. My sister’s(f36) husband (m38) visits Vegas each year to see a sports game while my sister stays home with the kids. He was here this past weekend along with my brother (m28). We all went to dinner and my brother mentioned they were going to a strip club afterward. He asked if we wanted to come. My brother knows that my husband and I have gone to strip clubs together, but I felt it would be weird to go with my brothers, so I declined. My husband said yes. I’m not naive, I know a lot of these women offer “enhanced services” beyond dancing. I trust my husband 100% to stay within the boundaries we’ve previously discussed. I know my brother’s fiancé knows he went to the strip club last time he was in town. But I have no clue what boundaries they have in this arena, or if my sister knew BIL was going. I figured since they were openly discussing it in front of me, everything was probably on the up and up. When my husband got home, I obviously wanted all of the details. My husband tells me he and my brother each got a few lap dances in the main room, but BIL went into the private rooms for a “big boy” dance (as my husband called it). He said he thinks BIL spent about $500. (The last time we went a private dance cost $200, so that’s already suspicious to me.) My husband said that the woman gave BIL her phone number. When I said “what the hell?” to that, my husband walked it back and said he wasn’t sure if BIL got her number, only that BIL said she offered to give it to him. My husband said after the private dance, another woman came up to them, and BIL said “no thanks, I already blew my wad”. He could have meant money or…something else. Either way, gross. So now I’m deciding if I tell my sister all of this. My family is pretty sexually liberated, but we don’t discuss details with each other. My sister and I are very similar and obviously I don’t consider it cheating that my husband was there, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she is ok with BIL doing the same. But I can’t be sure that’s all that happened. Is he really stupid enough to do something my sister considers cheating in front of my husband AND her brother, knowing how easily it could get back to her? She’s visiting me next month and my plan is to casually mention that they went. If she asks for more details I will tell her everything. But if she brushes it off, I won’t push the subject. She’s the type to keep marital issues private and seems 100% against the idea of divorce, so telling her will most likely just hurt her feelings and accomplish nothing. Am I wrong for not telling her? Will waiting only make things worse? Or is it best to stay out of all together it and spare my sisters feelings? Throwaway for privacy. Thanks for your thoughts. Tl;dr: my sister’s husband went to a strip club with my husband and some questionable things happened, am I wrong for not telling my sister everything that I know? &#x200B; **UPDATE** Thanks everyone for replying. I know I have to tell her. Can I get some feedback on this message, please? So I’m sure husband’s name wouldn’t be dumb enough to do this without telling you, but just FYI the boys went to a strip club while he was in town. Felt like I had to tell you just in case! And also some more encouragement because I’m dreading sending this like you wouldn’t believe.   **Comments** **ProtozoaPatriot** *If your actions cover up his "crime", in a way you're an accomplice to it. Be honest with your sister. She deserves to know. And if there are any repercussions for him, that his fault* >OOP: Oh I’m not worried about repercussions for him. That’s the whole problem. I don’t think she will leave him regardless. I think she should have divorced him years ago. I’m worried that telling her will make her feel terrible about herself and accomplish nothing. &#x200B; **wlfwrtr** *You are wrong. Sister has a right to know. BIL made his choices. If you even wait to tell her she's going to hold it against you. You should probably look at your own husband too though. He started telling you everything then when he realized what he was saying and to whom he began backpedaling which means he's not against holding things from you. Doesn't sound like a 100% trustworthy man.* >OOP: I just think my husband didn’t want to give me any information he wasn’t 100% sure of. He’s extremely trustworthy. But thank you for the feedback! &#x200B; **Pale-Condition1056** *Sounds like your husband might’ve done a little more than he let on himself..* **Sparkle\_And\_Shine\_04** *No doubt. Attempting to cover up his BIL's possible infidelity surely makes him as trustworthy as they come, right? Just remember, birds of a feather and all that jazz.* >OOP: He was trying to convey to me that this was the type of stripper who gives out her phone number, meaning she moonlights as a prostitute. He initially said “she gave him her phone number” which I took to mean BIL accepted her phone number. Then my husband clarified that he wasn’t sure if BIL accepted it or not, just that she offered. &#x200B; [**Update: am I wrong for NOT telling my sister our husbands went to a strip club?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/182yzvc/update_am_i_wrong_for_not_telling_my_sister_our/) **- 24th November 2023** Just a quick update because I know a few people were invested in this story. I waited til Thanksgiving to bring it up because I’m a coward lol. My sister’s husband had told her everything shortly after the trip ended. We ended up having a good laugh making fun of the three of them (and men in general) for being dumb enough to think strippers are actually into them. Happy to know that my sister and I (and soon to be sister-in-law) are indeed as similar as I suspected we were. All is well and we had a great Thanksgiving. Thanks again to everyone for the feedback!   **Comments** **longdistancebf222** *Well here’s an idea You and sis go to the male strip club and have a good time. Then, you can all laugh about how it’s all fun after. Glad it’s all fun now* >OOP:Meh…I’ve been to one. And it was just gross and awkward. I wish there was an actual equivalent for women, though. Like a place where hot men just listened to us vent and rubbed our shoulders and complimented our makeup or something lol. &#x200B; **survival-nut** *Let me see if I understand this correctly. Your BIL may have had happy times with a stripper and picked up an STI and you found out that night but waited for a month, giving him ample opportunity to infect your sister and then you told her! I may be a pessimist but WTF.* >OOP: I was never really worried about STDs. He didn’t spend THAT kind of money. **Intelligent\_Aioli90** *People can get stds from mouths though. Your sister is very chill. $500 vs $200....He must've tipped reallllly well. 🎶Things that make you go hmmm 🎶* &#x200B; **UpDoc69** *Your husband's backpedaling on the story about your BIL makes his own story suspicious. Are you sure he didn't have a private dance, too?* >OOP: I may be a weirdo but I actually like it when my husband has private dances. So that’s not it. And I think he backpedaled because he didn’t want to give me any info he wasn’t 100% sure about. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Am I wrong for NOT telling my sister our husbands went to a strip club?

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188l1ha/am_i_wrong_for_not_telling_my_sister_our_husbands/

188w41m

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Ordinary-Turnover-78 **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole and their own page [Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11pck33/oop_asks_if_he_is_the_ah_for_telling_his_mom_and/?share_id=sgdFQed35INx004JfbQDP&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - originally posted by u/AfterHeat4755 **AITA for telling my mom and her husband that I can’t wait to turn 18 to leave their house?** Trigger Warnings: >!mentions of cancer, infidelity, child neglect, death of a loved one, abandonment!< --- &nbsp; **Recap** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v2a8xk/aita_for_telling_my_mom_and_her_husband_that_i/) - **June 1, 2022** When I (16M) was 5 my mom (34F) had an affair and left me and my dad (35M) for a wealthier man, for 2 years, I only saw my mom like 4 or 5 times (I can’t even remember but not more than that) then she disappeared and didn’t contact us again, I even thought that she was dead. I think my dad thought it was too much responsibility for him or was angry at my mom, and somehow wanted to take everything that reminded him of her away so he sent me to live with my maternal aunt and I only saw him like two or three times a month (for half an hour) Unfortunately, my aunt died of cancer last year, I thought my dad would take me in but he’s busy with his new family (wife and kids), my grandma (dad’s mother) wanted to take me but then my Egg donor came out of the blue to take me. When she came to take me, it was the first time I saw her in 9 years and it felt weird and it sucked that she hugged me and kissed me as if nothing happened in those 9 years. She married the man she left us for and they now have three kids (10M, 8F, 7F) I’ve been living with them for 6 months now and I spend most of the time in my room (since we are in another city 6 hours away and I have no friends here), we rarely speak, she tries to talk to me but I ignore her and her husband, they try to include me in activities but it sucks seeing them play the perfect family when I missed everything as a child so I don’t really like them. Her husband tries to make me call him “dad”, he tries to spend time with me and talk to me, he knows I love tennis so he learned about it and has listed me in tennis lessons and wants to talk about it all the time he sees me, he even wants to take me to some matches. He introduces me as his son and I hate it since all I see is the guy that stole my mom from me when I needed her the most, it happened yesterday, he asked me to go with him to the grocery store, and then he met a friend of his and as his friend hasn’t seen me in any family photo, he asked about me and then My mom’s husband said: “He is my firstborn, you didn’t know about him because he was living with a sister of my wife’s”. I didn’t make a scene there but when we got out, I told him to never say he is my father, he is just a home-wrecker who stole my mom. We got home and he told my mom then my mom (almost crying) said: “You hate us that much, don’t you?” so I said “Of course, You left me and now you want to act like nothing happened by playing the happy family, tbh I can’t wait to turn 18 and leave and I’m not sure if I ever want to see you again” She started crying and her husband comforted her, so I just went to my room, they tried to talk to me but I’ve just ignored them, I told a friend of mine about this and he says I’m TA. UPDATE, Not really a big but something is something I guess since a lot of people have been texting me. My mom and stepdad have been so apologetic, they try to talk to me but I ignore them, I know it makes me sound terrible, but I can't, I've tried to look at them differently since I posted here by the first time but I can't. (Heaven knows I've tried) I want to try therapy (I need someone to talk to) and I let my mom know it again, but her husband keeps insisting that we must go together to do some family therapy, I don't really want him there because I don't see the point of it. So, I'm gonna do what somebody suggested; I told him that I'll do the therapy with him, and once we are there, I'll tell the therapist that I don't feel comfortable with him there, maybe that works, I don't even know if this is moral or even fair but I don't know what else to do since he has refused to let me go by myself. He already booked the appointment, it's this Tuesday at 3:00 pm, so That's what's happening now, I'll let you know if my plan works. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Malibucat48:** NTA I’m so sorry for the life you’ve had. It’s hard being a teenager under any circumstances, but you’ve been dealt a bad hand, and your feelings are valid. Is there any chance you could still live with your grandmother? Your mother and her husband are trying to make up for the wrongs she has done, but if they care, they might let you live with your grandmother if it would make you happier. If that isn’t possible, see if you can get into therapy. It won’t change your situation, but it will help you cope with it. Good luck and I hope things work out. >**OP:** They don't want and my dad doesn't want to take me. **Commentators asked about why OOP’s mother not visiting him and if OOP’s father’s family hated her** >**OP:** remember I lived with her sister. not my dad's family so there was nobody stoping her from visiting me. **No-Bus-5303:** Nta I'm sorry but you mom is wayy too much she expects you to jump into her arms and everything will be OK it's not she cheated and now she wants to be in this perfect fantasy land Where is sunshine and rainbows My advice turned 18 get a job and bolt. >**OP:** I tried to get a part time job now but she refuses because her husband convinced her (I need her permission here) &nbsp; [My life sucks](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ordinary-Turnover-78/comments/w6m6zn/my_life_sucks/) - **July 24, 2022** Mom and "dad" try to fix what they did but what they don't understand is that once a heart is broke there is no way to put it together as It used to. Now They cry as if they were the victims here. hahaha Isn't that hilarious? &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Commentator asked how OOP is doing** >**OP:** I'm doing a little better, Therapy sessions are just the therapist and me, except for the first one in which my "dad" was present, because he wanted to tell me something important, any way, I'm doing better for myself, I'm stuck here but I'll make sure this man pays for my college. (I'll move out any way) &nbsp; [He wants to adopt me](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ordinary-Turnover-78/comments/zdxrp7/he_wants_to_adopt_me/) - **Dec 6, 2022** Mom's affair partner, the man she left me for now came up with a "great idea" of adopting me, and I'm like: "Dude, no matter how hard you try, I'll never forgive you, you'll never be my dad". The jerk bought me a car on my 17th birthday and that's when he came with the "wonderful" idea of adopting. I haven't used thatt damned car, my friends call me ungrateful because they wish their parents gifted them such a thing. The only good thing about living with them is that I can have my privacy and they respect it. Sometimes I feel sorry for him because he is trying so much to make it up to me but then I remember all the damaged he caused and many abandoment issues I have because of that. My mom? well, we kind of imprved our relationship, I wouldn't say I trust her , I wouldn't say I love her either, but we've got to have open conversations in which we bare our souls. I don't buy some of her shitty excuses but others seem reasonable even more now that I look backwards. We've had some therapy sessions together in which we both cry like babies hahahaha. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Knight-300:** About the adoption thing... I don't know the laws about regarding this, but I think child welfare professionals will ask the kid how they feel and they will determine if this is in the child best interests. In your case, if you've shown such big hatred towards him to the point you had do go to therapy then an adoption will probably not happen. The adoption will also result with you resenting him even more. To be honest, I don't know why he thought that it will be a good idea after you've shown how much you don't like him. About your friends... If you've already told them how much his actions screwed you and still invalidate your pain and only see the money your mother's partner spended as a "proof of affection", then drop them. These "friends" are materialistic assholes that I would not be surprised if they will end up doing what your mother has done. Btw... How do you get along with your half siblings? >**OP:** I don't really know the kids, we've interacted a few times but we aren't like super close. &nbsp; ---- # NEW UPDATE [It's been a while](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ordinary-Turnover-78/comments/1842xfx/its_been_a_while/) - **Nov 25, 2023** Hi, guys! I know it's been a long time since I posted here for the last time, tbh I had even forgotten about this post until I saw a video on tiktok like 5 days ago, it was my original post and some people were asking for an update, I wanted to comment to let them know what had happened but my profile picture it's a photo of me and I didn't want to feel vulnerable, and I also think that if everything started here, I should post the update here. It was hard to log in since I had forgotten the password but I see that a lot of you guys have been reaching out, I highly appreciate that you guys want to know if I'm ok. Sorry if I haven't replied to your comments, I have not checked my reddit account in 1 year and the reason why I post this 5 days later, it's because I didn't have much time, (I'll tell you why) Sorry if I make any mistakes typing this, It's a saturday, 11:08 pm and I'm on my phone. Grandma died like 8 months ago, we weren't close but it was still sad, I could attend her funeral, that's where I so my dad for the last time, he has cut me off his life completely and I don't know why, I saw him at the funeral, we hugged, I've tried calling him after that but he didn't pick the phone, and like two months ago he blocked me on everything, it's hard, it hurts, not gonna lie, but I won't beg for a relationship, He'll regret it one day to find out he rejected someone who loved him and looked up to him, someone who'd have died for him. I'm already 18, I'm preparing my uni application to attend the uni next year, I want to apply for an architecture programme, I'm already working as a assintant at a architecture firm, a job my stepdad got me because he is friends with one of the senior architects, they don't pay THAT much but I helps me get some experience. My mom and I have improved our relationship, I wouldn't say I trust her or I love her as a child should love their mom, since I still hold some resentment but our relationship has improved a lot, she still refuses to answer some of my questions, I don't think she ever will but we have made some progress, she doesn't want me to move out, (I'm planning to do it january next year, since I just turned 18 and need to get figure out somethings) As for my stepdad, it might sound weird, perhaps I'm just being manipulated or this is a consequence of my traumas but I've never felt loved by anyone like by him, I think he truly cares about me, He worries about my needs and insecurities, one day I even told myself, "so this is what a parent's love feels like". Maybe, just maybe the lack of affection given to me by those who were supposed to love more than anything make me appreciate the things he does a little bit more, because I need you to understand that I didn't have that growing up, my dad never called me to see If I've got home or school safe or If I needed something, but SD does. I'm literally baring my soul and I have never said this to anyone but I like when he calls me "Son" I just pretend I don't hahaha, I still call him by his name but he tells me he dreams about the day I get to call him "dad" I don't think I ever will but let's see what happens. He was against the idea of me working since "I didn't need to cuz He can provide" but ultimately, he doesn't have a say. He tells me I don't have to worry about rent or funds because he will provide, but I don't think I want to be totally dependent for five years. So this is pretty much what has happened, I don't of this is the update you were waiting for, since some of you wanted me to run the second I turned 18 but I still need to find things out and be capable of affording a safe place. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for telling my mom and her husband that I can’t wait to turn 18 to leave their house?

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188w41m/aita_for_telling_my_mom_and_her_husband_that_i/

188w4d0

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/ThrowRA88544 **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **My [39f] husband [38m] fathered a child before we were together and I just found out, 14 years later** Trigger Warnings: >!Child abandonment, emotional manipulation, betrayal of trust!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post – persevered by Automod](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16xttzo/comment/k35d1ab/?share_id=nJYgFZD82E7DNa0Y_id67&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Oct 2, 2023** After 12 years of marriage, and 2 children together, I received a Facebook message yesterday from a woman who told me that she has a 15 year old daughter that my husband has continually denied since her birth. The child was produced from a ONS and afterwards, my spouse did everything he could not to see his child. The mother eventually had his parental rights terminated and she moved away for many years. Fast forward to now, my husband has buried this secret as deeply as possible. On the other hand, his daughter is now having some issues and her mother contacted my mother in law in January, imploring him to reach out to his daughter, threatening to tell me if he did not. Apparently they had a 30 minute FaceTime (which he lied about last night until confronted with evidence her mother provided to me and then he admitted that it was true) and then he blocked the account so she could not contact him again. Her mother claimed she sent the message out of love and concern for her daughter, and I understand that she wants her to have a connection with her biological father. But she blew my entire life up in the process. My husband has lied and lied and lied, even after confronted last night with hard evidence. He eventually admitted to everything, but only when backed into a corner. I asked him to leave the house last night so I could clear my head. But the truth is that I can't even look at him rn. I don't think I've ever felt so dumbfounded, hurt, confused and betrayed all at the same time. My instinct is to call a lawyer to see where I stand, legally and financially, as I'm not sure I can continue this marriage knowing that I might never feel like I can trust him again. My family thinks I'm being rash bc I'm hurting SO much and this is 12 hour old information. Also, knowing how he abandoned his first child makes me feel disgusted. Last night, he spoke about her as "a mistake" and "a dark secret". He was never going to tell us about her existence bc he was embarrassed. Regardless of what happened between he and I, there is a teenager out there who shares 25% of her genetic material with my beautiful children. I don't want that child, who did not ask to be born into such a messy situation, to be separated from her family forever. Even if he does not want to see her, I'd like my kids to eventually know their half sister, bc she deserves to be loved and supported, even if her father cannot. So now I'm left with options and questions, and I don't know how to proceed. Do I start the process to end my marriage, or do I try to keep my family together? When do we tell our small children about their half sister? Anyone who has experienced this, all advice is welcome. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Commentator asked if the older daughter knew about OOP’s husband and her family. And if OOP’s husband has lied to her before** >**OP:** The older daughter knows about us, and wants a relationship with him and our kids. which is why her mother reached out. You are asking all the questions that I have been asking myself all night. He has lied about things before, and I feel like I've been sleeping with a stranger for 14 years. **Ok-Prune-3952:** I completely understand. This is beyond a lie. This is a child’s life. Your life is now forever changed. Why did he say he kept this from you? >**OP:** He said he was embarrassed. Since his parental rights had been terminated so many years ago, he felt like she didn't exist. He kept insisting that she was not his child, just a mistake that he made as a dumb kid. There's more background story that will make him look even worse, but it's irrelevant at this point, just there to further add insult to his character. **IrregularBastard:** If there is no paternity test there is no way to know the kid is his. Who else did she have ONS with at that time? >**OP:** She produced a paternity test that was taken after the baby was born. She is his child. **anillop:** Wait he legally terminated his rights? If so then he did not abandon the child he was legally released from responsibility if that's the case. That's very different than just abandoning the child because the mother had to have consented to the termination. This is a very different situation than you originally gave. >**OP:** The mother of his child has his rights terminated when she was a baby, which he had no problem signing away. My point is that he lied about her existence from the time we met, whether he was legally responsible for her or not. **EmiliusReturns:** This is not rash. He lied to you for 15 years, abandoned his child for 15 years, and then when confronted continued to lie and conceal. He is lying by omission to your kids about their sibling too. I could never trust him again. And did his parents know this whole time??? >**OP:** Yes, his parents and sister knew the whole time. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/183viw9/update_my_39f_husband_38m_fathered_a_child_before/) - **Nov 25, 2023** I had a request to post an update and interestingly enough, I saw a message today that he actually posted in the divorce subreddit after this all happened (he deleted it), and it was full of half truths. This is what's been going on, and will answer some of your questions. The mother (Carrie) of this child (Dani) has been in contact with us both since this happened. She says that the reason they told me after all these years was bc Dani wants to be involved in the lives of her 2 half sisters, my bio children. She has not asked for back child support or anything like that. But now Dani has decided that she wants nothing to do with my spouse, and Carrie doesn't seem to be facilitating the relationship with my family the way she originally stated. It seems like something is amiss but I've been lied to SO many times, that honestly, I just can't tell anymore. The termination of his parental rights. According to the both of them, she tried to push him into fatherhood, and when she finally realized that he had zero interest in being a Dad, she had him sign away his rights and then proceeded to disappear until Dani was 8. My spouse never paid child support and was never asked to pay child support, both of them have told me that. Then Carrie got married and Jeff adopted Dani. I can't see my spouses original post, but judging by the comments, he made it seem like he signed his rights away so Jeff could adopt her, but that's a lie. Dani was 8 when she was adopted, not an infant. Carrie tried to contact my spouse to sign those adoption papers in 2016, but he blocked her, so she contacted my mother in law who had him sign the papers, and connection ceased again. Then they disappeared again until June of 2020, when Carrie reached out to my mother in law bc Dani wanted to connect with her paternal biological family. My mother in law and sister in law proceeded to have a 2.5 year relationship with Dani thru phone/video calls, sending presents/money, all the while hiding it from my spouse and lying to Carrie, telling her and Dani that my spouse knew but wanted nothing to do with them. I know this to be true, as I heard my mother in law admit it over the phone to my spouse while I was silent on a 3way call. My spouse had zero idea that anyone had contact with Carrie or Dani until a week after I found out about this situation. In January of 2023, Carrie delivered my in laws an ultimatum, either produce Dani's bio dad or they would contact me and let me know what's been happening over the past 15 years. My spouse then agreed to a video call with Dani, where he promised that he would tell me and make an effort to make her a part of our lives. Within hours, he had Carrie blocked and his mother and sister were so scared of their lie being discovered, that they stopped talking to Dani altogether, without an explanation. Fast forward to September 2023, my mother in law texts Dani to "have a good school year" and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. A few weeks later, I received the message that would change our seemingly happy life forever. Presently, he has cut off his family completely. Carrie has also cut off all communication with his mother and sister. They are toxic, and it is the right decision for right now. He comes from a long line of liars and he is no different. He and I are both in therapy. Marriage counseling starting next week. I'm having good days and bad, as expected. My oldest child will be starting private therapy as well. We haven't told her about Dani, but I don't feel right about keeping this secret and I know both of my kids have been suffering from the fighting and disruption to their normally quiet lives. I've been trying to put my pieces back together, but I'm still very shattered. I'm journaling out my feelings but anger is present a lot. I don't know if I can ever trust him again. I don't know if I can ever trust anybody again. But I'm working on it with a lot of help from my parents, friends and therapist. How do I build trust again with the father of my children, even if it's just as coparents? &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** **Blue-Phoenix23:** Well, there are different layers and types of trust. You've now learned you can't trust him with your heart. That is no longer on the table for him. But the big question with co-parenting after divorce is can you trust him to care for the kids you have together on his own? If the answer to that is yes, then it makes everything a whole lot easier. He is now a business partner, and the business is successfully raising the kids. There are basic steps to divorce with kids - first get a lawyer. Figure out the housing situation. Work out a joint custody agreement with him, via lawyers and parenting apps if necessary. Start getting your feet under you and figure out what you have to do next. I know this is overwhelming, it's a lot to deal with. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can figure out how to get the kids together with their half sister later, when your game plan is in place and you know what is next. Stay strong, you can do this. >**OP:** I have a lawyer and I (not we) own the house we live in. I have a good job and can provide for us. My parents are wonderful ppl who have been a great support system. This bomb exploded 8 weeks ago, I have all my ducks in a row. **mamanova1982:** You should set up a meeting with the other mom, and introduce your kids to their sister. If they have a close relationship, at least that'll be one good thing to come out of all of this. The 2 of you can be the adults and foster a relationship between the siblings. >**OP:** They live across the country and the mom has not been good about returning texts or calls. I'm a bit confused as to why she told me all of this just to retreat back into hiding. Bc now that I know, I want to foster this relationship, but there's a barrier. I'm very frustrated. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

My [39f] husband [38m] fathered a child before we were together and I just found out, 14 years later

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188w4d0/my_39f_husband_38m_fathered_a_child_before_we/

188w4oc

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Inner-Noise3664 **Originally posted to** r/Infidelity **My (22 M) girlfriend (23F) wants to keep her affair baby** **EDITOR'S NOTE: ADDED SPACES FOR READABILITY** Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, physical violence, verbal abuse, mentions of past suicide attempt!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/17ymvik/my_22_m_girlfriend_23f_wants_to_keep_her_affair/?share_id=1Wyl5bhpWvqDjw4XybhVv&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 18, 2023** (sorry for bad English) My girlfriend had an affair with a coworker (30M) she even went on a 7 days vacation with him. After she told me about her affair she begged for mercy and we went into counselling, she blocked him in everything and she showed me that she wanted to fight for our relationship. Three months into our reconciliation we were doing great, I even told her that I wanted to have a baby with her someday and then her face went pale, I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she was pregnant... It was from AP. I was obviously angry and asked her to have an abortion or put the baby into adoption, but she wants to keep the baby and making me the dad... I want to be a father, but I want it to be my own child... Not someone else's. Should I leave her? Or should I try to convence her to abort? Edit for more context: We have been together for four years, we started as roommates because she needed money to pay her house. The affair lasted two months, she confessed the affair to me after a "working trip". The AP told her to leave me for him, she got scared and left him. She confessed everything to her family and mine as a gesture of reconciliation. **UPDATED COMMENT** >**OP:** I have an update, the affair partner doesn't exist, I followed the suggestion I read here about another possible social network and all seemed fine, it was all because the supposedly AP(M 30M) doesn't exist, it was my brother (24M) I will confront her when she comes home from work, I'm fucking destroyed right now. &nbsp; [Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/17yvmjm/updatemy_22_m_girlfriend_23f_wants_to_keep_her/) - **Nov 19, 2023** So... Yesterday I posted this asking for suggestions and help, someone in this Reddit told me about some other social network that they could be using, so I followed his/her suggestion and I went through her laptop... Worker AP(30M) doesn't exist, the real AP is my brother (24M) and is been going on for more than two months. They have been making fun of me, my body and my insecurities behind my back, they have been making all kind of stuff in my house where I was working outside (I work as a cook) but that's not the tip of the iceberg. They got married during that seven day vacation and the worst of all my parents knew about this as well as her family, they were sending photos to each other. I found all this looking through all her chats, she didn't had added my brother, but I know is him because of the photos and some things that only he knows... Well, I waited for her to come back from work, I was feeling (and Im still) broken and really hurt, once she came back I asked her immediately about this, she just smile and told me that she was tired of pretending, that she only stayed with me untill the lease was over and that the child was my brother's... I packed my stuff and left, I'm now with my big sister, she is as shocked and hurt as I am, she has been calling my parents, brother and girlfriend all day. My parents are the only one who tried to contact me, but I don't answer, I will cut off my parents and brother. Thank you for all the support, I will update if something else happens, but right now I just will try to calm down. &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Wtfamidoingitw1:** What the actual fuck. My brother, its time to go scorched earth. Expose them online to everyone they know - your friends, coworkers - everyone. Does her family know? >**OP:** Her parents do know about it, they were there with my parents. &nbsp; [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/181dhsp/update_2_my_22m_girlfriend_23f_wants_to_keep_her/) - **Nov 22, 2023** Hi, it's been three days since everything exploted, I have been really sad and depressed during this days, but I'm whit my sister and that's making me feel better. For people who are reading this first: My girlfriend cheated on me and married my brother behind my back, then she left me. She is pregnant with his child and my parents and her's knew about this. I have to answer some questions I received. 1¿You slept with your girlfriend after she told you about the affair? -no I didn't, but I did sleep with her when she was married to my brother, I still don't know why they would do that. 2¿Does the rest of the family know? -no, but I already told them, even my ex-girlfriend family, the only person who knew where my parents and her's. 3¿Does your sister knows? -no, she has been like an outcast for my family, she is lesbian, so my family didn't like her much, she has always been there for me, she is my best friend. Now with the update, I have been staying with my sister this three days, I have been really depressed, but she was with me all the time, we even played some cyberpunk. I had to left my job because my sister don't trust me with a knife in my hands at this moment (I had attempted to suicide before). She told me what my parents told her, they want to meet with me to explain everything, she told me that I didn't need to do it if I didn't wanted, but I want to know everything, so I have met with them this Friday. I went to take some things from my previous house, and my brother was there with my ex, my sister, who came with me in case something happened, almost punched him, he has been repudied from most of the family, as well as my parents. So... That's the update, my family keeps breaking and I am looking forward to confronting my parents. Thank you for your good messages and the bad too, my sister is reading me your comments and I am happy with your suggestions. &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Tailbone77:** All I will say is, garbage always ends up in a pile and those two pieces of trash deserve each other. You dodged a major bullet, by not procreating with that demon. As for your "brother", well, consider him dead to you... As for your parents, whatever verbal diarrhoea that they will spew now, won't really change what happened and if you do decide to continue to have a relationship with them, well, that is up to you... God bless your sister, and may your bond with her never be broken... >**OP:** I will take my sister with me, I don't trust my parents anymore and having her with me makes me feel safe and secure. **Commentator warns OOP about his parents trying to manipulate him. Have the sister there to support OOP during the meeting with the parents** >**OP:** They were looking and my brother giggled, when my sister heard that I had to hold her, she was really mad. She has always been protective with me, since I am the little one, she is the family member who is more closer to me since we were kids. 1-she told me that she would be with me, so I don't worry about that. 2-i have had a strange relationship with them since they reaction when my sister came out as a lesbian, so I don't expect them nothing less to try and manipulate me. Thank you for your concern. &nbsp; [Before the meeting](https://www.reddit.com/user/Inner-Noise3664/comments/182u3e6/before_the_meeting/) - **Nov 24, 2023** In two hours I will be seeing my parents, I have been feeling pretty uneasy all day, I have prepared some questions and a recording device. &nbsp; [Update #4](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/183v0zj/update_3my_22m_girlfriend_23f_wants_to_keep_her/?share_id=CGHg3O0pWmaWVxB1OuYcU&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 25, 2023** Context:For people who are reading this first: My girlfriend cheated on me and married my brother behind my back, then broke up with me. She is pregnant with his child and my parents and her's knew about this. (Sorry for bad English) So yesterday I went to met my parents with my sister, I had all prepared (questions, a recording dispositive...) And I wanted some answers before going no contact. Some people from here advise me not to go and i should have listened to them. Once I arrive there with my sister, my parents were mad that she was there with me, I told them that they were in no position of making demands, then they tried to make an "apologise" that didn't sounded like one, but I just asked them the first question. "¿For how long did you know about this?" They were quiet, but then my father said that they were leaving them their own house for them to make their deeds! Can you imagine?! I was not hurt, I was furious! I knew that my brother was the golden child but this just infiruated me! I just keept asking them questions and I discovered that the first who discovered the affair was my ex-gf dad, then he contacted my parents and the four of them met with my brother and my ex and the six of them came with the idea of the "blissful lie" (words of my dad) they didn't wanted to hurt me, but they thought that my brother and my ex would be happier together since they decided to betray me in the first place... I was really furious with that, my sister was really pissed to and she started screaming at my parents, then my brother came, my sister and I went quiet and my mum started making stories about mending things and been there as an aunt and an uncle for the baby, my sister was angry and said that she wouldnt be there for that kid, then my brother said something like "this will be the only child you will have related by blood" my sister went silence and I punch him without thinking, is the first time I punch someone and I couldn't be happier to be honest... My brother started bleeding from his nose and my parents started yelling at me, I just told them that they had lost two children and we left. Now I am here in my sister's house and my hand hurts, but I am happy for protecting my sister and myself. I will start therapy soon, and I am thinking in joining the gym too... But as long as I am writing this my bad thoughts are less common, so... I think that's great news... (Is the fourth time I try to put this update in this subreddit) EDIT: All my family knows about what happened, my ex's family too, I send them the chats between my brother and my ex, I even send the recordings of my meeting with my parents. &nbsp; **DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED** **SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED** &nbsp; [Feeling down](https://www.reddit.com/user/Inner-Noise3664/comments/189eykm/feeling_down/) - **Dec 2, 2023** It's been a week since my confrontation with my parents and nothing had happened, I'm just been feeling down lately, without force and just tired. I have seen my post in other sites and most of people make fun of me and called me a bad writer, this is not fiction, I don't know how to proof it, should I put images of the texts I found? I'm just tired. &nbsp; [A little update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Inner-Noise3664/comments/18ciyo0/a_little_update/?share_id=KByw4G6zY9PiMHxFYOQey&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Dec 6, 2023** My brother and my parents have press charges against me for breaking my brother's nose, so... Another bad news to the collection. I'm looking for proof to see if I can sue them back for everything they did to me, I will update soon with more information, thank you for all your kind messages. I'm still feeling down, but like Elton John said, "I'm still standing". &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

My (22 M) girlfriend (23F) wants to keep her affair baby

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188w4oc/my_22_m_girlfriend_23f_wants_to_keep_her_affair/

188w4rk

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRAKevinkan **My wife is upset by my finally flourishing (Envy?)** **Originally posted to** r/nonmonogamy **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!undertones of infidelity, emotional neglect!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/wDf8MzawSq) **Nov 9, 2023** My(28M) wife, Ashley(30F) have been together for 4 years, married 3, and open for 2. We both found someone very early, Ashley was dating a married man in a stable poly relationship, and I got quite close to a grad student at a nearby college. Ashley and I were both high on NRE but managed to share that with each other and it was so intense and special. After nine great months, my grad student got a job offer several hours away. Being slightly introverted I kind of withdrew into my shell and threw myself into the gym to take my mind off things. Less than two months after that Ashley's Meta got pregnant and her relationship started to wind down. I had hoped we could take some time and maybe travel or just spend some romantic time together after both of our breakups but Ashley's plan was to chase that next NRE rush with someone new. But she wasn't matching with anyone that she could really connect with, she started seeing more people more often. Then she scheduled a date with a new guy on Saturday night which had always been "our" date night, we argued and she ended up not going out with either of us that night. She insisted we change our date night to Thursday because Friday and Saturday were better for her other partners especially if they wanted to do an overnight. All this caused me to spiral a bit and I was practically living at the gym, with no real enthusiasm for dating for a few months. The upside was I lost 35 pounds and really pumped my arms and upper body up. One of my friends(Keith) from the gym talked me into working at one of his clubs on Friday and Saturday as a barback since they were crazy busy, it's a mixed crowd LGBTQ+ with a big dance floor and a drag show. By the third week, I was bartending and the MC had made teasing me and grabbing my ass part of her act. I started getting hit on which boosted my confidence and went from introverted to the other end of the scale. After about three months, I noticed Ashley making snide remarks about my working and staying out all night as I think she was a bit annoyed or jealous I was having such a good time. She was still getting dealt shitty cards from a stacked deck, as she put it. Rarely getting more than 3-4 dates from any one guy before ending it or getting ghosted. Meanwhile, I am going to afterparties or hooking up and not getting home much before the sun comes up. Then came the big storm, 1. I knew I was going to hook up with a regular at the bar and not be home so I texted Ashley that I was having an overnight and would be home till the next morning, I get a lengthy text about how I ruined the mood on her date and ruined things and the next day had a big argument. 2. Ashley had told me she was doing an overnight on Friday, so after work, I invited a few people to the house. Ashley had a fight with her BF and came home early to find me in the hot tub with three naked women ( two were lesbians but the picture didn't reflect that). 3. Ashley and her date decided they wanted to see the Drag show on Saturday. It was a packed house, we had three bachelorette parties in the house that were in rare form, I was helping the barback clear empties from the tables, and the MC and one of the other Divas were giving me the business which only egged the bachelorette groups to get handsy as well. As busy as it was I never saw Ashley but Kevin did and saw her leave in a huff with a bewildered date in tow. The day after she came to the club Ashley said we needed to close the relationship and work through some issues. We talked about a few of them, mostly me not being available on the weekends and not prioritizing our relationship. I had to remind her that she was the one who prompted us to move our date night from Saturday to Thursday to accommodate her boyfriends' schedules. She brought up how hurt she was when she had a fight with one of her dates and came home early to find me in a hot tub full of women when she needed me to be there for her. I told her for once I was getting to enjoy the same freedom she had and if she was having issues then maybe she should take a step back and close her side while she got some individual counseling to learn how to deal with her issues. I haven't missed a Thursday date night with her, although she can spend a third of it on her phone with other guys and that's supposed to be okay and I brought up how she literally sends thirty texts to my one. Last night she brought it up again and I said if she wanted to close we could close, but it would be permanent. No dating or online flirting, she would have to delete all her dating apps and Snapchat, all her phone numbers of past hookups, everything. I made it clear if we went down this path the next time she wanted to so much as have dinner with another man alone it would be as a single poly woman. Obviously, she didn't like my idea and said it was unfair, and personally right now that isn't something I want either but I'm not going to just let her pour cold water over my side to appease whatever is going through her head right now. TL;DR Wife wants to shut/slow things down after possible envy/jealousy issues **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **sweetlittlecowgirl** >Yikes. It sounds like neither of you has tended to your relationship with each other in quite some time. (Initially her, and now both of you). You both seem to be prioritizing random hookups before eachother when your priorities should be the other way around... Eachother first, your dates second. **OOP** >>Respectfully, she was the one to move our date night to a weeknight and then spend Friday and Saturday chasing new partners, often spending overnights leaving me home most of the weekend. I still made an effort to plan date nights as best I could which was hard considering we both have to get up early Friday to go to work. >>We were still intimate a couple of times a week. But I took the club job partially to fill the time I was left at home alone and when I started having fun doing it she wanted to shut it down. **_ghostpiss** >>>"she started it" isn't the justification you think it is **OOP** >>>>So are you saying I should have just sucked it up and wallowed at home alone while she dated all weekend? We had a pretty balanced routine that was fulfilling before she started her speed-dating antics or was that somehow my fault too? And I was pretty vocal at the time I was unhappy with things but that all got pushed aside. [Update - My wife is upset by my finally flourishing (Envy?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/O3Rc84fs7n) **Nov 23, 2023** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/17qs65f/my_wife_is_upset_by_my_finally_flourishing_envy/) So a couple of weeks ago, my wife Ashley, asked to close our relationship and work on some issues. Which I refused since I was just starting to really enjoy it after being left behind as it were, you can read my previous post for context if needed. Another thing she wanted was for me to stop working part-time tending bar at an LGTBQ+ club after she and a date of hers came in and she saw the attention I was getting there. Last Thursday was our scheduled date night where she again asked me to pause, reconnect, and work through some issues. Friday and Saturday nights had lately been the nights I worked at the club while she went out with her other partners and was often gone overnight leaving me alone for most of the weekend. This last weekend she spent both Friday and Saturday nights sitting alone at the end of the bar where I worked, I had a date already planned for Friday after work but on Saturday we left together and had breakfast before going home. All this week her phone has been silent and I have only seen her texting a couple of times. All three times we have been intimate this week she has been the one to initiate it, which is the total opposite of the last 9 months. We had a long talk and she wants to make Saturday our official date night again in addition to keeping Thursday night as well. She said she had pulled all her dating profiles down and deleted Snapchat, basically closing her side of the relationship down. Her only ask has been for me to not work Saturdays so we could spend the entire day together. I told her I could do that but I needed to give Kevin time to find a replacement for me at the club. We are spending this afternoon with her family and lunch tomorrow with mine for Thanksgiving. Ashley has a new individual therapist she will start seeing next week and wants an extra session with our couple's counselor for the next couple of months. She hopes but hasn't pressed that I will close my side as well but I haven't made up my mind yet, I guess I will wait and see for now. **Hayek_School** >Ashley is simply used to getting what she wants, when she wants. Even if it takes pressing OP by showing up to his part time job. Strategic, since this job is what got him back in the game and having fun. When she sufficiently blocks OP from whats working for him, the game will change, again. Clear manipulation tactics, OP. Won't be long before she wants you to quit that job, outright. That will mark the completion of her plan. She will wait a bit and magically be ready to get back out there. >From reading OP's well thought out posts, its pretty clear he understands what I laid out above. While ENM isn't easy and certainly is a give and take by all parties involved, once certain patterns become apparent the side constantly laying down needs to stand back up. Can't imagine how he felt those 9 months, let alone how little she cared. **OOP** >>>"Even if it takes pressing OP by showing up to his part time job." >>Ashley's reasoning for spending time at the club was to 1.) Spend more time with me. and 2.) Shows she wasn't spending time out with her other partners. and 3.) And be there when I get off work. >>>"Won't be long before she wants you to quit that job, outright. That will mark the completion of her plan. She will wait a bit and magically be ready to get back out there." >>Originally she did want me to quit, but has backed off a bit for now, Part of the reason I resisted closing revolved around the fact when my resources dried up she could flip and want to be open again, and I would have a harder time reopening than she would. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My wife is upset by my finally flourishing (Envy?)

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188w4rk/my_wife_is_upset_by_my_finally_flourishing_envy/

188w5n1

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Tom4Terrific **Poly-bombed and opening up** .**Originally posted to** r/nonmonogamy **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/1M8dShX9t8)  **Nov 10, 2023** I've been married to Dee for 5 years and we are both in our mid 30's.  Last year Dee told me she thinks she is bi-sexual and would like to explore having a relationship with a woman.  I asked if she wanted to explore as in a hookup or a real relationship to which she replied an actual relationship.  She felt she had so much love to share but my concern was if she had enough time to share and I said I wasn't on board and I thought the subject was closed. About four months ago, Dee brought it up again and said she would be happy with just an FWB arrangement and not an actual relationship.  I was still hesitant but it was a constant topic that kept coming up.  I relented under the conditions we do our research, books, podcasts, and see a couple's counselor before opening up.  Dee was ecstatic and we dove into several books and found a great therapist, trying to do things right. One of the topics our therapist brought up was why we were opening up and if there was someone either of us had in mind.  Dee admitted that she had someone she had been talking to who had encouraged her to open our relationship, this was a shock to hear for the first time and our therapist said this was troublesome.  After that first session, I confronted Dee and asked if she had done more than talk to this friend and she swore that was all they had done.  I asked to see her phone and she unlocked it and handed it to me, she had been talking with Kim for about a year but there wasn't anything incriminating and no apparent gap in the messages, just a two-way crush between them.  There was a message from Kim right before this last poly-bombing episode where Kim said for Dee to initiate sex with me more often to "soften me up".  What I did find was three dating apps with Dee's profile on her phone.  This caused a brief argument about jumping the gun with Dee agreeing to delete the apps until after we were open. Three months go by and we are getting closer to opening and Dee is acting like it's Christmas time.  Our last counseling session we went over our agreements and boundaries and we got down to our messy list.  Co-workers, relatives, close friends, Exs and I wanted to add Kim to the list.  Dee blew up especially when our therapist said it was a reasonable request.  Dee wouldn't speak to me on the way home but when we got there she let me have it, I even showed her in two of the books we had read, where it said opening for a specific person was a bad idea.  I basically said it was a line in the sand for me, I would be just as happy remaining monogamous.  She got mad and slept in the spare bedroom and would hardly talk to me for two days. Finally, she gave in and agreed to Kim being on the messy list and we were officially open.  A couple of days later Dee told me she had a date and it seemed a bit quick to me.  While she was in the shower I decided to check her phone but the unlock code had changed, that's two red flags.  Later that day she got on her phone and I saw the unlock code.  That night I looked at her phone, the dating apps were still gone and there were messages between her and Kim trash-talking me and planning their date, there were also references to having sex again.  E-mailed screenshots to my phone. So I felt like a chump and the two of them played me like a fiddle.  I stewed on it all night and part of the next day, then I called a lawyer and had him start drawing up divorce papers. The lawyer was a peach, not only did he put a rush on it but they served Dee at our house just two hours before her date with Kim.  Attached to the divorce papers was a printout of the last texts I read. She found me sitting on the patio, she was crying but I didn't know if they were fake tears or not.  When she asked, I lied and said I knew about it all along.  I said it just means we won't be married anymore, you can have the freedom to hook up whenever with whoever you want.  Just think of us as FWB.  I got up to go have dinner with some friends and told her she needed to hurry and fix her face if she was going to be at Kim's house on time. She got home earlier than I thought she would and wanted to talk but I went to bed and said we could talk tomorrow.  Her eyes were all red and her make-up was all smeared.  I still felt gutted but I wasn't going to let her see that. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/1Bs90tBNDU)  **Nov 12, 2023** My wife, Dee, poly-bombed me until I agreed to open up.  But I said the woman, Kim, who was pushing her to open up our marriage was on our messy list and she finally agreed.  Within a week she already had a date with guess who, Kim. I felt betrayed and had Dee served with divorce papars the day of her date with Kim. [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/17rmh1t/polybombed_and_opening_up/) She got home from her date with Kim earlier than I thought she would and wanted to talk but I went to bed and said we could talk tomorrow. Her eyes were all red and her make-up was all smeared.  The next morning started off on a negative foot, I asked her if Kim was worth throwing the last five years into the gutter. Then I started reading some of the texts where Kim and she were planning to open our marriage and hook up again, and some of the disparaging remarks about me between them.  And so when I found all this out I started planning a divorce since she lied and then broke our agreements, especially about the messy list which I considered cheating. Dee said she was still very much in love with me and didn't want a divorce.  She wanted to go back to our marriage counselor and work things out.  I told her I couldn't be married to a liar and a cheater, and she was the one who burnt down that pledge and now we just need to move on.  If we could be civil about it I was open to an FWB or roommate/with-benefits arrangement and we could cohabitate and split the bills 50/50.  Since we wouldn't be married any longer we would both be free to part ways at any time without any strings attached. She is determined to win my trust back and show me how much she still loves me.  Hopefully, our therapist can help us form a new set of rules as roommates and we will see where things go from here. **OOP UPDATES A LITTLE IN THE COMMENTS** [MIni Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/lpkcCKb8Zb)  **Nov 13, 2023** I hear what all the comments are saying but at this point, I can't legally just kick her out.  But I have got our finances separated, all the credit cards canceled and half of the money has been moved to a separate account.  I told Dee she could stay on my insurance till the first of the year. Our regular counseling session is on Tuesday and I have already e-mailed our therapist with a heads-up on our relationship change.  I moved all of Dee's things into the spare bedroom.  The last couple of days I've been love-bombed, Dee wants to pump the breaks now on the open relationship and put the divorce on hold.  I let her know that both of those ships have sailed and we would just have to ride them out and see where they take us, but it is unlikely that we would get back to where we were. Last night she got all made up and put on my favorite outfit.  Probably some of the hottest sex we ever had, including her initiating a couple of things that were on her taboo list.  And then more this morning when we woke up.  I gotta say that my friends have really been there for me these last six months, most of them have been encouraging me to stay steady on the divorce.  My SIL has told me recently that her sister has had a crush on me for the longest time and wants to set me up with her. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/KWGTrqvvBj)  **Nov 24, 2023** Update - Poly-bombed and opening up Okay, I'm throwing in the towel. After the last two counseling sessions, Dee finally admitted she cheated and lied about her affair with Kim, but still doesn't show any remorse or that she feels like what she did was that wrong.  She still tries to blame me for being controlling and dragging my feet on opening up.  Our last session I gave her an ultimatum; 1. Back to monogamy, no contact with Kim, no divorce. 2. ENM/Poly, no contact with Kim, proceed with divorce and cohabitate. 3. We split, she can keep Kim, separation and divorce. Dee thinks we can work out option two and still keep Kim. But I told her I felt like Kim instigated all this and her presence was a deal breaker for me.  I'm still being love-bombed at home and pressured to give in to her desired outcome.  I have been quietly looking at condos near downtown with the thought of moving out and letting her have the house for the next six months until the lease is up. I told her I wasn't going to Thanksgiving at her family's this Friday and was going to my parent's Thursday without her. I said tell them whatever you want but I was telling my family the truth, which upset her.  Her sister did text me about if anything was wrong and I told her Dee had an affair with another woman and we were getting a divorce. My hope is to be out before Christmas, if she spends the night or the weekend with Kim I can be out before she realizes it. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Poly-bombed and opening up

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188w5n1/polybombed_and_opening_up/

188w6mo

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/theladypickles **AITA for telling my sister we won’t be coming to thanksgiving since she can’t get her kids lice under control** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!hygiene issues, bugs!< .[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/yV2EInkkXT)  **Nov 11, 2023** So as stated, my(27F) sisters(35F) kids(12M, 10F) have lice, she’s been trying to get rid of them for like a month but they keep coming back. She’s tried shampoos, special combs, everything short of cutting their hair but for some reason the lice just keep coming back. The holidays are starting to come up and she still has yet to get it under control. I have extremely long hair that I spend a lot of time caring for and I’ve been growing it out for a few years now. Obviously I don’t want to deal with headlice so I told my sister over the phone that I won’t make it to thanksgiving at her house this year. When pressed why I said it’s because of the lice infestation, to which she freaked out and called me a bitch, saying she’s tried everything and that the family will be disappointed if me and my boyfriend don’t show up. We had a long conversation where she told me I was being selfish. Later on different family members called to also tell me I was being selfish and that if I wear my hair up I should be fine (Doubtful). This is a situation where I am okay being the asshole but I’m not sure if I am or not. Edit: Not to be rude, but I don’t need any more lice tips and treatments lol **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **RepublicOfLizard** >Nope. Lice is a fucking plague. I have a feeling she’s only treating the heads of the children and nothing else in the house if the lice are still there after a month of treatment. Has she put all the kids stuffies into hefty backs and left in a cold spot for a month? Has she removed all the down feather products from the house and waited to purchase new ones until the lice was completely gone? Are there any pets and have they gotten treatments? Some specialty pillows even have to be bagged and stored because their fluff attracts the lice. >NTA, lice is insanely expensive and frustrating to treat especially if you have very long hair. I had it 5 times as a kid because I was on a lot of traveling sports teams, and we as dumb kids shared hair products often. Every single time we had to treat it, it was insanely frustrating and painful for me. I can’t believe this woman isn’t more concerned about this issue **OOP** >>I don’t know what all she’s done but I doubt it’s everything you all are describing. Also yeah, my hair is down to my knees, getting it out would be a fucking absolute nightmare for me, I just have that much fucking hair * **Cynis_Ganan** >NTA. >But, also, cut the hair. >A number 2 crew cut on the boy and a normal supermarket lice treatment will deal with that no problem. (These are two part treatments one or two weeks apart depending on the brand.) >The girl is harder, but give her a nice page boy bob and comb. Comb. Comb. Comb. Regular shampoo and comb again. Then a normal supermarket lice treatment. Then comb. And comb again. Then one last comb. Or go full GI Jane. * **Erythronne** >NTA!! Why is she having people over to her house when she has a lice infestation?? I swear some people’s brains are fried **OOP** >>I don’t know! I also don’t know why everyone’s on her side? Like I get that we don’t always see each other but getting infested is not worth one meal [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/4VdAngwz0s)  **Nov 25, 2023** This is an update to this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/zgmisejnyB So this may not be the most exciting of updates, but hey at least you know I’m not bullshitting you. So as it turns out pretty much nobody knew how bad the infestation was or didn’t know about it at all. A good number of relatives just thought the kids had like a small cold and figured they’d be fine. But when I dropped out, people thought that was weird because I love my sister and I always go to parties she hosts. That’s when my mother explained that it’s a really bad lice outbreak and that my sister was trying really really hard to get it under control before thanksgiving. That’s when a bunch of other relatives started going “Yeah I think I’m gonna drop out too.” And before long it was pretty much just my parents, my sister, and a very small handful of other relatives who were still going. So my sister ended up cancelling and apologizing to everyone. She even called me to tell me she was under a lot of stress and she was sorry about how she spoke to me, which was nice. I did send her some of the advice you guys sent. I can’t really credit any of you so if you were one of the thousand who suggested something, I guess feel some sense of achievement lol. She took the kids to a lice clinic and she’s having the house fumigated, since it’s been going on for so long. They’ve been staying at a hotel for a few days now while they wait. I don’t really know that much about the situation beyond that, but that’s what she told me. Overall it seems like nothing spread to anybody and she might be able to get everything under control. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Ornery_Benefit_250** >Hopefully no one at the hotel gets lice but im glad everything worked out lol **OOP** >>Yeah I’m not sure how she handled that, hopefully it won’t be a problem though yeah **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for telling my sister we won’t be coming to thanksgiving since she can’t get her kids lice under control

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188w6mo/aita_for_telling_my_sister_we_wont_be_coming_to/

188x6bh

**I am still not the Original Poster. That is** [u/LadySavings](https://www.reddit.com/user/LadySavings/). She posted in [r/AITAH](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/) I wrote three previous BORU posts [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15zre48/new_update_husband_accused_me_of_financial/), [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/152nm2o/aitah_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15as4dt/newest_updates_husband_accused_me_of_financial/). **This post was too long to include all of the posts, so I included OOP's tldr's of the first two posts** and then the most recent updates, including the newest. I deleted a few comments as well. The newest update is marked with \*\*\*\*\* A reminder that the rules of this sub stipulate updates have to be at least 7 days old, so **this update is 7 days old.** If you have seen this elsewhere, it was not on this sub. **Trigger Warning:** >!infidelity; Andrew Tater Tot idiocy!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP is good; pour one out for Amy because GIRL!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14pynpt/aitah_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/)**: July 3, 2023** TL;DR: Husband and I (33M/33F) are fairly high income earners (about 200K/year each), own our home free and clear, no other debts of any kind - we save close to half of our income and most finances are joint but we allocate $1500/month each (plus any extra income such as from bonuses or side hustles) for "fun money" (for hobbies, luxury goods, outings with our own friends that aren't together, etc.). Husband tends to spend his fun money month to month due to his expensive hobbies (primarily golf) while I tend to save the majority of mine because my interests (such as running and baking) are less expensive. I have been getting back into gaming lately, though, and having saved up more than enough of my fun money, I spent $5K on a new gaming rig and really nice desk and chair. Husband blew a gasket and accused me of "financial infidelity" even though I was operating within what I thought were our agreed-upon rules by spending my own allocated fun money on hobby stuff. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14x9o69/update_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/)**: July 11, 2023 (8 days later)** TLDR: husband told me he was actually upset that he feels I'm not professionally ambitious enough because I'm not on the "executive" track like he is, and that (despite my working full-time) he wanted me to cook fancier meals, set the table in a more elegant way, and dress up more for dinner - yes, like a 1950s housewife **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1530ql7/further_update_husband_accused_me_of_financial/)**: July 18, 2023** Hi All...so I have an additional (and probably not very surprising) update to my saga. So, the more I thought about it, the more his requests - demands, really - were sitting poorly with me. I decided to try a little experiment over the weekend to see what would happen if I tried to meet some of his demands. NOT because I actually thought they were reasonable, but because I increasingly had the sense that the goalposts would just keep moving and that I was playing a losing game. So, Saturday morning, I went to the salon for a glow-up (haircut, fresh highlights, mani/pedi) then went to the farmer's market to pick up fresh flowers for our table and assorted other gourmet ingredients. Saturday is usually our date night out but I suggested we stay in so I could make us a special dinner, steakhouse style (lobster bisque, bread basket with several types of rolls/savory muffins made from scratch, crab-stuffed mushrooms, filet mignon, au gratin potatoes, white chocolate mousse topped with raspberries). I wore a lavender (his favorite color on me) sheath dress and high heels and fully done hair and makeup. For all that I got a lukewarm "thanks, it was tasty" and a kiss on the cheek. Of course I did all the serving and cleanup. Sunday we usually go out but he suggested I make us brunch at home. So I made French-press coffee, mimosas with fresh-squeezed orange juice, Belgian waffles with a bananas Foster topping, eggs scrambled with parmesan and fresh herbs from our garden, roasted fingerling potatoes, and maple-glazed bacon. I wore a blue sleeveless sundress, wedge sandals, again did my hair and makeup. Again I got a "thanks, it's good" and no help with serving or cleanup. Afterwards I asked if this is what he had in mind when he critiqued me before. He said that it was a start, but that I was "acting very entitled for wanting credit for basic adulting." He then dropped a bomb that he was being so hard on me because he had realized lately I had a lot to make up for due to my being a "low-value woman." I asked what on earth he meant by that and he said it was because I wasn't a virgin when we met. WHAT?!?! Keep in mind we started dating at 21, neither of us claimed to be virgins or stated that as an expectation. Except for very religious people (neither of us is) I don't think most 21-year-old college students are virgins. I was upfront with him then that I'd had two previous partners, my high school boyfriend (we went our separate ways when we went to different colleges in different parts of the country) and another boyfriend I'd had my first year of college. And that's it, both committed relationships and nothing casual. He then went on to say that because of my low value, I was going to need to be making it up to him for the rest of my life. That I didn't deserve monogamy or equal treatment and that I was lucky that anyone at all wanted to marry me. And - that he's "connected" with someone from work so if I wanted to keep him I'd better step up. I told him it didn't sound like there was anything to keep if he no longer loved me (or even liked or respected me). Told him to leave and he said he would gladly go to his girlfriend's place. I know SO many people here insisted he was having an affair and I just didn't want to see it, that his "complaints" were really all part of a campaign to distance himself from me. I feel SO foolish for just thinking he was going through a stressful time at work or that he genuinely wanted to work on our marriage. Anyway I have taken the week off from work to get my head together. Have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. Canceled the marriage counseling appointment but got a referral to an individual therapist who can do an intake session with me later in the week. He (and the girlfriend apparently) are coming this evening to get more of his clothes and things so I have to brace myself for that. Also, please be assured I do NOT think I am low-value in any way. I let my husband make me think less of myself on some levels for a short time but now I truly see it was a "him" problem. Obviously we don't share the same goals and values and he has become someone I don't recognize. I know the divorce won't be fun or easy, but I will be okay. Thank you all for helping me see that I was being played before I wasted too much more time in a marriage that was already over. ***Relevant Comments:*** *One last gem from the 'husband':* "Yes, it seems like he fell down a toxic masculinity hole at some point fairly recently. Retroactively punishing me for not being a virgin at the outset, after a 12-year relationship including 10 years of marriage, is just completely over the top. I even said, "So this person you connected with at work, is actually a virgin?" "Well, she WAS," he said, with a smirk. (So, virgin or not, someone who would sleep with a married colleague is higher-value than me? Unless he lied about his marital status/situation which I wouldn't put past him.)" "Yes, he admitted he has been having an affair for several months. He kept trying to say that "it doesn't really count as cheating" because I'm low-value so the standards are different." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/154x90a/additional_update_financial_infidelity/) **2: July 20, 2023 (17 days from OG post)** Hi All - I wasn't going to post another update (at least not this soon), but have gotten dozens of DMs/messages asking if I am okay and how things are going - so this is specifically in response to those who were checking in on me. To recap my story, I first posted a couple weeks ago that my husband accused me of financial infidelity after I spent $5K of my own "fun money" allotment on a gaming computer, desk and chair, even though my spending was within our agreed-upon rules; he subsequently "admitted" that he wasn't really upset about the gaming setup, but about what he perceived as a lack of professional ambition (I'm a senior software dev and we make the same salary at the moment), plus he wanted me to cook more elaborate meals, put more effort into home decor, and dress up more for him. Finally, about a week later he accused me of being "low value" due to not being a virgin when we met (at age 21 - neither was he - and he never once previously criticized that in our 12 years together) and told me he was having an affair with a younger coworker who had been a virgin (gross, I know). Then he moved out (and in with her). Folks have been asking me this week how things went with him picking up his stuff, meeting with my lawyer, etc. so wanted to share those updates for anyone interested. So, he was supposed to come get his stuff on Tuesday evening, a couple days ago, but told me at the last minute he couldn't because "Amy" (his girlfriend) wasn't feeling well. Some people called in the comments, but yes, she's pregnant apparently. He told me this on text so I have proof of the affair in writing now, it's not just his word against mine. Anyway I didn't want him to keep jerking me around on the schedule, for whatever reason, so I told him I'd pack his stuff for him and arrange for movers. I think it's better that way, I really didn't want him/them in the house. I already had arranged for a friend to come over on Tuesday when he and Amy were supposed to come by so the two of us spent the evening packing his clothes and other personal effects. The movers came yesterday and got the boxes and the furniture items he wanted. He didn't want much, just the stuff from his home office and his dresser, as apparently Amy's apartment is small. I provided a detailed inventory and photos of everything, which he approved, so he can't say that I broke or otherwise ruined his stuff. After that yesterday I went to the clinic to get STD tests (won't have the results for a week or so, but thankfully I haven't had any symptoms) and met with my lawyer, who said I had a good case for grounds of adultery and mental cruelty if I want/need to go that route (at a minimum it's leverage to get him to settle quickly and quietly). Also locked down all the finances within the parameters provided by the lawyer so that he can't empty our joint funds or take anything that belongs to me, changed account beneficiaries and all that fun stuff. Changed the locks to the house too. I decided to take the advice of some of the commenters and am getting rid of the bed and other bedroom furniture I shared with him (I'm donating it, someone is coming this afternoon to haul it all off) and am going to completely redecorate the bedroom to my own taste (that will take a bit, staying in one of the guest rooms in the meantime). I'm also taking a spa weekend away, leaving tomorrow morning and back Sunday night, just to get a change of scenery before I have to go back to work next week. And yes, even after buying the gaming setup, I have plenty of "fun money" left in my account to afford my lawyer's retainer and redoing the bedroom as well as my getaway, with plenty left over - here's to frugality when it counts! Those are the main updates for the moment. I'm doing better than expected, I think, and realizing more day by day that it really wasn't a good marriage, at least not for the last couple years when he started expecting me to do everything around the house, and all the other emotional labor of running our lives outside of work, with no help and little to no gratitude. Amy sure is going to have her hands full. **EDIT:** Once again, I cannot thank everyone here enough! I need to get ready for my spa weekend away :) so apologies if advance if I have not responded to your comment or DM, but I am really grateful for all the support and encouragement. Hopefully there won't be any more notable updates for a while - I really just want a smooth and easy divorce and to get on with my life - so please keep your fingers crossed for me! ***Relevant Comments:*** *The incoming child:* "Also, he was hard-core childfree before (I didn't want kids either, but he was especially militant about it). I mean, maybe he changed his mind, but it doesn't seem like this was exactly a planned pregnancy. Plus, he can't even be bothered to put his own laundry in the hamper or put a dish in the dishwasher - how is he going to deal with an infant? Anyway, not really my problem and I guess he'll figure it out (or not)." *Is he her superior at work?* "My understanding is that that they are peers (he isn't her boss) - I don't think it is against the rules for coworkers of the same level to date. At least not as some of our (well, his, really) friends met at work there and it wasn't an issue. So for that reason I think I'll stay out of it, especially as I do want him to stay gainfully employed until the divorce is completely final. Still, I agree it's awfully foolish to have an affair at work that results in a pregnancy while one of the people is still married. I mean, you can't hide that messiness, it's going to be physically obvious." *How is a 24 year old making the same amount of money as your ex?* "They are both in an executive training program for fairly recent MBA graduates. Amy is apparently some sort of prodigy who got hers at 21. My STBX started out in supply chain management, then the company paid for his MBA which he finished a couple years ago, and after that he moved to the finance side and was accepted into the training program earlier this year." "She's 24, apparently graduated from college at 18 and got her MBA at 21. And he just got his MBA a couple years ago, was on a different business operations track before switching to finance." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15u68ur/latest_update_was_accused_of_financial/) **3: August 17, 2023 (About 1 month from last post)** Not sure if folks remember, but I had a series of posts earlier in the summer (actual links in my profile) - first, about whether I was the AH for buying an expensive gaming PC, desk and chair with my own allocation of "fun money," leading to an accusation of "financial infidelity" from my husband. Later he told me the actual issue was that he was disappointed by my job (senior software dev, but not on the executive management track), relatively casual appearance (not dressing up in dresses, makeup and heels for dinners at home) and my failure to cook extremely elaborate multi-course meals on a nightly basis. After a simple experiment showed that changing these things (the cooking and appearance, anyway) would not actually make him happy, he accused me of being "low value" because I wasn't a virgin when we met (in college, 12 years go, something he had never stated was an issue before) and then admitted he was cheating with a coworker. Who is now pregnant. Last I updated, he had moved in with Amy (his coworker) and we were starting the divorce process. I'm updating again here because a lot of kind people have been checking in with well-wishes and to see how I'm holding up. Sorry for not updating sooner, but as soon as I got back from the spa weekend I mentioned in my last update, I dove into working with my attorney on the divorce settlement, and didn't think it wise to put my business on the Internet, however anonymously, with the legal issues up in the air. The good news is that we were able to come to an agreement pretty quickly and everything is now executed (just waiting for the court date which could take another couple months, but my lawyer says the agreement is airtight). It wasn't quite as favorable as most of you all lovely folks probably would have wanted for me, but I was highly motivated to get it done fast. I did get everything that really mattered to me: first, the house I inherited from my grandmother is 100% mine, along with all the furnishings and other effects in the house. My own retirement accounts and my "fun money" account are all mine as well. Otherwise, I did have to give him 75% of the other cash assets. Although he wasn't on the title for the house, he did contribute substantially to the large renovation we did, as well as to upkeep since then, and the house appreciated very substantially in the years since we moved in. It's fine as I still have plenty of money, especially as I'm quite frugal most of the time and can rebuild cash savings quickly. Our agreement also states that neither of us has a claim on each other's past, present or future earnings. So in case something happens and he loses his job before the court date, I won't be liable for any alimony. This is actually overall a very good deal for me and gives me a lot of security. (In case anyone is wondering how we got this done so quickly: our state allows divorce on "mutual consent" grounds, which basically allows for a quick divorce without a legal separation period if the parties come to an agreement about all the finances/assets. Given that Amy is pregnant, my soon-to-be-ex (let's call him "Joe" - yes, like the psychopath in the show You) was also very motivated to not drag this out.) Now for the real dirt of this update: last weekend, shortly after all our papers were signed, Amy reached out to me. She asked if we could meet and talk. Perhaps I should have declined, but I will admit I was curious about the "24-year-old prodigy and until recently a virgin" person who was Joe's affair partner, so I agreed to meet her for lunch. So, the first thing is, Amy is \*very\* pregnant, like third trimester. She confirmed she is due in mid-October, which means the affair has been going on a whole lot longer than Joe let on. Whatever, it's water under the bridge as the divorce is almost final. However, after some polite but chilly pleasantries, she asked me, when am I going to be moving out of the house? Because surely Joe has been patient enough with giving me time to get my life together? And her apartment is small and they are needing space for the baby. Uhhhh...what? I told her she must be mistaken as the house is mine, inherited from my grandmother, but asked her...what else has Joe told her about me, and our marriage? And...lie after lie (Joe's lies, that is) tumbled out of her mouth, along with crumbs of the real story. These gems include: * Well, it was true that she and Joe met at work. But it was about a year ago, when they were both interviewing for the executive training program they are now in. Amy said, though, that they first became friends before getting together romantically. Apparently, Joe told her that he was legally married but that we had been "separated in spirit and living separate lives" since 2020. But that he didn't want to kick me out and make me homeless during the pandemic because I didn't make much money and we live in a HCOL. * Joe told Amy that we met in our early 20s when he was mentoring me in a GED prep program - that I was a high school dropout who was struggling with addiction, and essentially, that he "rescued" me. Helped me get clean, tutored me for my GED, and had been supporting me since through gradually working on college classes. He told Amy I was working on prepping for an IT career and was currently making $45K as a help desk technician and that he wanted to make sure I could at least afford a studio apartment. He also told Amy that we had "separated" because I had relapsed and he couldn't have a meaningful relationship with a drug addict. (Uhhh...all this is lies. My entire history of drug use is occasionally sharing a joint in college, maybe 4-5 times total, never anything harder.) * It is true that Amy was a 24-year-old virgin prodigy. She seemed dismayed that Joe had told me that, though (at least the virgin part). Said it wasn't a moral issue, she really was just focused on school and work and didn't make time to date. And that generally guys her age seemed mostly interested in casual hookups, especially the younger finance bro types, and she wasn't interested in that, but that Joe took the time to get to know her and was actually interested in a meaningful relationship. * I asked her if the pregnancy was...planned? She said no, of course not, but it was a miracle because Joe had a vasectomy, so they took that as a sign that they should keep the baby. (Uhhh...no, Joe did NOT have a vasectomy. As we were planning to be a child-free couple I suggested it a couple times over the years, he firmly stated he didn't want to alter his body like that, so he left birth control as my responsibility.) So...it really does seem that Amy is pretty blameless here. I mean, those of us who have been around the block would likely know not to believe a guy who claims to be "separated" but is still legally married and living with his wife, but...without her having any dating/relationship experience I can see where she would have taken him at his word, about everything. After all, I didn't know anything was amiss with Joe until a couple months ago - and I was married to him. Of course Amy didn't want to believe me, and I don't blame her for that either...after all, she's been in a relationship with Joe for close to a year and is 7+ months pregnant with his baby, who is coming soon, ready or not. I couldn't immediately refute everything she said, but showed her a couple things - first, a picture of me in my late teens with my grandmother in front of my house, and also, my Linkedin profile which shows my current job and education. Told her to do what she wanted with the info and to please stay safe and take care of herself, and then said my goodbyes. Yes, it was all very odd and unexpected and surreal. Sorry this is so long but figured those following my tale would be interested in this turn. I am not sure if I will update again...maybe in a year or so when I have truly processed everything with lots of therapy and am hopefully on to living my best life. As for Joe and Amy, it's up to them to find whatever their path is. I do hope she wises up and leaves him but am sadly not confident about that. I'm sure he will be able to spin all this in his favor because that's what he does. But I also can't make it my problem anymore. ***Relevant Comments:*** "I think I've determined that because Amy's pregnancy was progressing he was starting to get nervous about how he would juggle everything and decided to preemptively blow up the marriage in order to get the upper hand. So none of those things were genuine critiques, they were just designed to throw me off-balance." *How did she take it when you said you owned the house?* "She didn't really believe me about the house and said she was going to have to talk to Joe about it. She said she hoped I would think about it and not be so stubborn and that the offer remained open to take the money she offered to move out by the end of September." *Maybe the reason he didn't have more fun money was that he was spending it on her:* "Oh yes, definitely! A lot of the "golf days" were actually spent with her (not golfing) and he only played golf once or twice a month, not weekly as he represented to me." "Apparently he convinced her that the reason he could never spend the night with her (during most of the past year, before he moved in with her) was that I tended to get high in the evenings and he was always worried I would OD if he wasn't there to keep an eye on me." *Did you tell her he didn't really have a vasectomy?* "I did tell her, but her answer to that was to insist that he did have one, he just didn't want to tell me. Because he had only gotten one because although he did want kids, he didn't want to bring them into the world with a drug addict spouse." **\*\*\*\*\*Newest Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/183t4s3/postdivorce_update_financial_infidelity/)**: November 25, 2023 (3 months later)\*\*\*\*\*** Hi everyone! Not sure if anyone remembers as it's been a few months since my last update, but I originally posted earlier this year about my husband "Joe" accusing me of "financial infidelity" because I had spent some of my own fun money/savings (within our agreed-upon personal spending limits) on a gaming PC and home office setup. Which then devolved into him (unfairly) accusing me of slacking on my personal appearance, career, and housework, and soon it came it out that he'd been having an affair with a coworker ("Amy") who had become pregnant. We separated right after that (he moved out and in with her). (And, apologies in advance, the next update (below) is quite long!) Last time I updated, we had thankfully quickly agreed on a divorce settlement that allowed me to protect my most important assets, and I had just met with his mistress Amy at her request. At which time it was made clear that he had lied to her about numerous circumstances, such as that our home belonged to him (it did not, I inherited it from my grandmother), that I was an underemployed high school dropout drug addict (I'm not, I have a master's degree and a high-paying tech job), that we'd been "separated in spirit" for years (also not true, I didn't know anything until he blurted out the news about his affair over the summer), and that he had a vasectomy (he did not, we talked about it but he decided not to despite us - him in particular - not wanting kids). I told her the truth and even provided as much evidence as I had on me, but she didn't seem believe me and went on home to Joe. I know quite a few people have been reaching out for more news, but I wanted to wait until my divorce was finalized to avoid risking any complications, and also just thought it best to let things settle for a bit. The good news is - I'm now divorced! The final decree came through a few weeks ago. It actually all went very smoothly (I'm eternally grateful to live in a "mutual consent" divorce state that allows divorcing couples to proceed quickly if they can come to an agreement on finances and property). On the Joe/Amy front, after my last post, all was quiet for a couple weeks, until Amy, her due date quickly approaching, reached out \*again\* to ask if I'd given any more thought to her offer to pay me $17K to vacate the house quickly so that she and Joe could move in. (Again this is the house I inherited that I own free and clear, but Joe told her he owns it and that he was just giving me time to get my finances together before evicting me.) At this point I decided to package up a lot more evidence of Joe's lies to send on to Amy. I sent her a copy of the deed and property tax records showing the house is in my name only. I sent her copies of my diplomas to prove I am not a high school dropout. I sent her some info on various professional associations I am involved in and awards I have won to show I actually do have a senior-level job and am not underemployed, as well as proof of my income. I sent her copies of all my drug test results for the past 5 years (I have a drug-free workplace and have to test 2-3 times a year) to show I am not an addict. I sent her time-stamped photos and text exchanges to show that Joe was still having a romantic relationship with me until July this year (nothing salacious, just photos of us showing G-rated affection, exchanging loving words over text, etc.). I even found a text exchange from a couple years ago when we last discussed him potentially getting a vasectomy, with his final decision not to proceed with one. A couple days later she responded - she believed me! However, in the end it didn't matter as Joe convinced her he had lied for Very Good Reasons. The way they both tell the story, they met at work and were incredibly drawn to each other, in a way that felt "inevitable." However, due to Joe being married, he felt that if Amy knew he was (to that point) happily married she would either turn away from him and miss out on the "love of a lifetime," or she would go ahead with an affair but be consumed with guilt. So, to avoid either of these outcomes, and especially to save Amy from guilt, Joe decided to create an alternative narrative in which he was in a marriage that had ended for all intents and purposes years ago, in all ways but legally, because I was an uneducated addict who kept relapsing and couldn't get my life together. That was she could essentially believe he was single. (How noble of Joe, to bear all the guilt alone! /s) Unfortunately, Amy said she understood and forgave him immediately. With a baby due any day, I suppose I can sort of understand the desire to justify the lies, even thought the reality is horrifying. I suppose it's also not my problem anymore. Amy did have her baby over a month ago and I guess she and Joe will...make whatever life together (or not) is meant to be. As for me, I'm doing very well! Actually got a big promotion at work (not managing people which I don't want to do, but will be working on higher-profile projects - with a 40% raise!) which starts after the new year. The house is really big for just me, so I have a couple roommates now - a friend who is also going through a divorce moved in, as well as a younger (mid-20s) cousin who moved to the city for work. We're all having a lot of fun together. I'm not really ready to date yet (still in therapy processing all the marital fallout) but getting there and looking forward to whatever new adventures life has to offer. This will probably be my last post (in this series anyway) as the saga of Joe and Amy, or at least my role in it, is finished; with us legally divorced and having no ongoing financial or other ties, the best thing I can do is leave them to their own story and get on with my Joe-free next phase. Thank you all for listening to my story for much of 2023, I do truly appreciate the support and helpful advice I received along the way.

Final Update to: Husband accused me of "financial infidelity" (guess who's still an asshole?)

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188x6bh/final_update_to_husband_accused_me_of_financial/

1897rjy

**I am NOT the original poster.** That is u/Cool_Interest6435. He posted in r/daddit. Trigger Warning: >!child abuse, drugs, abandonment!< Mood Spoiler: >!painful and beautiful at the same time!< [Getting my teen daughter need tips](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/16jg7ia/getting_my_teen_daughter_need_tips/): September 15, 2023 Hi dads, when I (m32) was a teenager I dated a girl “K” One day K broke up with me out of the blue with no explanation. Fast forward 15ish years later. The police showed up at my apartment Long story short K was pregnant with my kid 15 years ago. She got charged with a bunch of drug charges and when they asked if her daughter could go to any family she said I was the dad. Well after a paternity test, I do have a 15 year old daughter with K. So my daughter Is going to come live with me today. I'm not a “dad” I don't have kids or a significant other, just dogs. So I'm pretty clueless when it comes to being a dad or taking care of a kid especially one who's a teenager. After talking with her social worker, she says she's K was neglectful to my daughter and isn't going to be used to being taken care of or having structure which will be a big adjustment for her. The social worker says I need to be patient with her and just show her love and support even if she doesn't want it. I have a room all ready for her in my apartment It is pretty basic because I didn't want to overwhelm her. So yeah she's coming today… just hoping for some support maybe some tips. ***Responses from OOP in comments:*** **Commenter:** Start by talking to her. Let her know you're here for her. Get to know her, and then support her interests and hobbies. Let her decide how she wants to decorate her room. It's a bit more work starting from the middle like you are, because you weren't there to learn who she was as she was figuring it out herself. Make the environment safe and welcoming to her, and give her the privacy she needs. She's not in a position she needs someone to come down hard on her, she's in a position she needs someone that she knows she can turn to no matter what is wrong. **OOP:** I met her twice definitely more difficult starting from the middle it would be a lot easier with a little kid or baby I know this is a big adjustment for both of us so I'm not going to try and go all strict dad on her it's more about support I think \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** You don’t want to be overly strict, but most kids (even teens who swear they don’t) do better with structure. Don’t go overboard scheduling her day, but create firm and reasonable boundaries and stick to them. Especially anything related to health and safety, like curfews, vetting people she hangs out with, etc. **OOP:** Yeah that's what her social worker was saying the best thing she needs is to have some structure \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Holy hell. Welcome to the club in the craziest way possible, I guess. First things first, I can tell you that you're probably not going to want to do this alone. You're going to want as many other people on your team as possible. This is going to be a HUGE adjustment for both of you. The difference is, she's coming into it with half as much life experience and no base of support at all. Don't try to take this on alone. Second, if I were to put myself in your shoes, I'd say that the one thing I'd try to remember over everything else is empathy. It's going to be tough, but think about everything this kid has been through. Also remember that this is your chance to be [what sounds like] the first positive influence on this kid's life. You could honestly be the difference between whether this girl's life goes in a positive direction or a negative one. I know that's not exactly fair to you, and it's a ton of pressure, but this is your chance to step up and do what may end up being one of the most important things you've ever done in your life. That's the role of a dad in a nutshell, really. You're the person who's going to model what a man should be. You'll mess up, it'll be tough, and sometimes you'll feel like a complete failure, but if you show up, care, and support her as best you can, then you'll be okay. Good luck, man. You can do it. **OOP:** Damn that's a lot of pressure 😅😅 My parents definitely plan on helping out a lot and I have a few close friends who are willing to help out I want to be a good role model for her because she deserves to have that \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Make sure you have menstrual supplies on hand - pads and tampons at a minimum. Once she’s settled in, start by taking her to Target to get some toiletries and nice things for her room. Let her pick out bedding and some decorations she likes so her room feels more homey. This would be a good way to start chatting a little while having a distraction to make both of you more comfortable. Treat her to a sugary drink from Starbucks while you’re at it. Don’t be afraid of awkwardness; teens are accustomed to adults being corny and earnest, so just lean into that and pretend it isn’t totally weird. Edit: also if it’s available to you, get her into therapy. It might take awhile to get an appointment, so be prepared for a wait **OOP:** My mom was helping me get stuff ready so I already got pads and tampons for her, I plan on taking her shopping sometime this weekend If she wants to… I'm honestly prepared for the awkwardness because we don't know each other \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Definitely avoid drinking or substance use if you do/enjoy it. If her mother was heavily involved you want to be the exact opposite. I know it’s an awkward way to meet your child but show excitement!!! Let her know how happy you are to have her in your life after having no clue she existed. Ask her what she needs from you!!! Let her know you want to support and be the best for her that you can but you need help because you’ve never parented before and don’t know the person she really is. Be GENUINE and kind. In as many ways as possible try to figure out what you guys can bond over and do together to form that relationship!!!!!! I’m proud of you for stepping up and not being a deadbeat dad. Keep your head up and look at this for what it is. A POSITIVE! You get your daughter in your life AND get to be a great influence on her. **OOP:** Yeah I occasionally drank and I figured it would be best to stop doing that for a little while because of everything with her mom I am honestly both nervous but excited to be a part of her life I never thought I would start of being a dad to a 15 year old instead of a baby but I'm happy to have her honestly even if I don't know what I'm doing \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ [The past few days with my daughter now living with](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/16mxdj4/the_past_few_days_with_my_daughter_now_living_with/): September 19, 2023 I (32) posted on Friday that my daughter (15) was coming to live with me. Who I had no idea about until her mother went to jail on a bunch of drug charges. It has been a big adjustment for both my daughter and myself. I told her when I first picked her up that I know this is very new for both of us so I know it's going to take some time to adjust. She has been through a lot from what I can tell. She's very underweight, and not used to constantly having meals. I put a snack bin in her room so she hopefully doesn't feel the need to hide food at least stuff that isn't supposed to be left out. I told her she could get food from the kitchen whenever she wanted but that seemed to overwhelm her so it's now a snack bin. I also have breakfast and dinner (lunch on weekends) at a consistent time so she just knows a meal is going to happen. She also has nightmares and screams, of course, she hasn't told me what they're about (I don't expect her to yet) but whatever it was it was it was traumatic for her. So I'm in the process of finding a therapist for her. For some more positive things, I got her to open up enough to find out some things about her. Firstly, she loves my dogs we took them on a walk together. She's smart loves to read. And she likes to play basketball. I of course told her some stuff about me.she's pretty quiet and reserved. I expected her to not be really open with me considering I am a stranger to her. But things so far aren't too bad going relatively well. ***Responses from OOP in comments:*** **Commenter:** You are doing awesome, Dad. She has safety and security in what appears to be the first time in a long time, maybe ever. If I may, though, I’d like to give you a heads-up about something. I had a friend at work some years ago who was in the same boat as you. He had acquired custody over his daughter when her mom was imprisoned (but in this case it wasn’t a drug charge, it was vehicular manslaughter for hitting a pedestrian while driving drunk). He first learned she existed when mom was in trial and his first time to actually meet her was when mom was already in prison. A few months after he was looking after her, she ran away. They found her, she’s safe and back with him, so that’s all well and good. After some therapy it came to light that all the positive, supportive, affirming, safe environment was so alien to her that it scared her and she ran away because she didn’t know what to do. She was not used to having it, so she didn’t know how to handle it and respond to it being there, and there was also an element of being afraid it was too good and would all disappear or be taken away. I wanted to give you a heads up that those same concerns and fears may read their ugly faces in your daughter’s mind, too. Encourage her, but don’t push her further than she’s comfortable with. You seem to already have that down, I’m happy to see, since the free access to food was overwhelming so she has a snack bin for now. Excellent awareness and instincts, Dad. You got this! **OOP:** Thank you for bringing this up \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Alright dad, so far so good, keep it up. Now I'm probably going to bring the mood down a bit because my work experience has severely jaded me. If you're daughter's mom is a severe drug addict the likelihood that your daughter was physically or sexually abused is really high. It's not uncommon for druggie moms to either outright sell their daughters or simply not give a fuck what happens to their daughter as long as they are getting high. Now hopefully nothing like that has happened to your daughter, but on the off chance it has you need to be prepared for her disclosing to you. Ideally she'll disclose to her therapist first, but my experience says the first real trusted adult is who they are going to tell. That'll likely be you. If she discloses the best thing you can do for her is just listen. Don't ask questions, just sit there and acknowledge what she's saying. Now if she has disclosed to you, the majority of states require that you notify social service and law enforcement, you're gonna have to tell her you gotta report this. That news is probably gonna hurt her, so make sure you do it in a manner she knows you care and is ultimately in her best interest. Also your goal is to listen, acknowledge, and inform her your required to disclose all in one setting. If you get that accomplished, you can ask her something like "anything else you want to tell me right now?" and if she say no, then leave everything be, and don't reapproach her about the topic. If she wants to come back and talk about it some more, again just listen, but never prompt her to talk about it. Once she discloses and you report it, DSS/Law enforcement will take over and do their thing, your job from that point on is to support her. Again I hope something like this hasn't happened to her, but it's better to be prepared than blindsided. Source: cop who investigates child sex abuse cases and is a forensic interviewer. **OOP:** Thank you, I definitely want her to feel comfortable enough to tell me things but I'll never force it and of course just listen to what she feels comfortable saying \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ [Good but sad moment with my daughter](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/16vu575/good_but_sad_moment_with_my_daughter/): September 29, 2023 So probably a lot of you guys seen the post about me (m32) recently finding out about my 15 year old daughter and getting custody of her. Well things have been going pretty good so far, today she was sitting in the kitchen doing homework and once she finished she started playing with my dogs but left a few papers out after putting the rest away I asked what those are she said oh just some test I had this week… I asked if I could see them. She said sure she had gotten A’s on 3 test (chemistry, history, and geometry) after being at the school for less than 2 weeks. I was honestly very impressed not because I don't think she's not smart but because She just started at a new school and is having big life adjustment. I told her that was amazing and ended up going on about how at her age I didn't care about the school aspect of school just cared about sports and my friends. She said I enjoy learning and reading it helps me get away from life... Then it hit me it was her way of escaping from the assumingly not good life with her mom and focus her mind on something else like learning and reading. It honestly makes me really sad to think about… ***Responses from OOP in comments:*** **Commenter:** Celebrate the wins, dad! Showing encouragement and interest in her academic success/talent will only help her treat it as a positive gift rather than an “escape.” **OOP:** I could tell she is used to not getting encouraged or at least told a good job because she kept saying yeah but it's no big deal \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** You’re doing a wonderful thing. Keep it up. In the first post you said you aren’t a dad, but you totally are. You’re doing all the good dad things. Your last update was really wonderful about how you are giving her psychological safety with food and now here with complements to her work. She sounds like she’s a great kid who has been through some awful times. Stick with her through thick and thin and let her know you will always be there for her, and that you love her always, even when you may be fighting or disagreeing. One important tip I’ve used often in my life is to never end a fight without saying that you still love them. It offers a lot of emotional support when they are having a tough time. It works wonders with my kids **OOP:** Thank you… I still don't think of myself as a dad honestly I think that just comes with time though doing “dad” things \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Mom lurker chiming in....You are a damn fine Dad!!!! Seriously proud of you! Keep listening, encouraging, helping, and building trust. You're Dadding. She is very lucky to have you in her life. She has had a rough beginning, that can't change. However she has a successful future now thanks to you. She knew school, books, and learning were always there for her. Now she is learning you will be there for her encouraging her every step of the way. 💜 this mom is happy for you both 💜 **OOP:** Thank you, I honestly feel lucky to have her in mine as well she's a good kid just been through a lot which even though I don't know the details it makes me sad to know she had to go through tough things at such a young age \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** I appreciate your updates. Keep it up, keep being there for her. As she gets more comfortable with you and feels more at home she may start to push boundaries and initiate conflict. It could get complicated but stick it out. She'll need it. **OOP:** I know that will be really difficult but I know it's because she's just not used to being cared about or just having more overall life stability and will want to see what she can get away with possibly \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** I love reading these posts. You are doing all the right things and have a good sense of how to react. I’m sure you’ll have tough patches but always appreciate the successes. And encourage her to treat the good grades as successes even if she just thinks it’s expected. Don’t overdo it because you want it to be expected. Just don’t ever undervalue her hard work. **OOP:** thank you, I definitely don't want her to think I expect it as long as she tries I'm fine... She might put pressure on herself when it comes to grades though \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ [Daughter broke my heart](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/16zb663/daughter_broke_my_heart/): October 3, 2023 I (m32) have been posting on here kind of a lot recently. Basically, I recently not only found out but also got custody of my 15 year old daughter. Even though I don't know a lot just based on speculation her mom wasn't a good mother and the poor girl has been through a lot. Earlier we were out to eat because I didn't feel like cooking and I found out my daughter never had tacos. So we went out for tacos, and we were having a very casual conversation until a mother with her two young daughters (I would say both girls under 10) came in you could just tell the girls were having fun with their mom and all 3 just clearly loved each other. Well, my daughter got quiet and kept staring at them. I didn't want to pry so I kept quiet. She didn't say anything until randomly on the drive home she said sometimes it's hard seeing girls have a good relationship with their mom… I get jealous because my mom and I never did. Then she started crying and let me know she wanted to be left alone the rest of the night. It was hard seeing her cry and upset it is also difficult to know even though I'm now around in my daughter's life and I'm trying to be a good parent. she still spent the first 15 years of her life not having a good relationship with her mom and I can't fix that I wish I could but I can't which sucks because she didn't deserve to be neglected and possibly abused. I'm just in my feelings and really sad for my daughter. ***Responses from OOP in comments:*** **Commenter:** It’s amazing that she’s already so open with you. You must be doing something right. Keep it up, dad **OOP:** She just randomly will say stuff then shut out for like at least a few hours and not talk I don't know if it's because she feels safe but then feels weird about talking how she feels or what it is \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** I’ve been following your updates. How has your relationship been going with her? How have you been doing? **OOP:** Okay I definitely feel like I've grown attached despite living a very different life compared to before having my daughter around and having to change really fast I can tell she's a good kid seems like she has big goals but I can also tell she has a guard up constantly just By how she carries herself and how she acts We mostly talk about my dogs, basketball, and football. I've shared stuff about me and she's shared what she wants about herself \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Give her a hug and be there for her. **OOP:** She Actually hates hugs or being touched in general luckily I didn't find that out the hard way but from her social worker... But that just another sign with abuse \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Just wanted to say… I have a 16 almost 17 year old daughter. Our situations are different but from what I can somewhat tell their moms are the same. My daughters mom was an absolute deadbeat drug addict who only appeared in her life when it was time to go to court and try and screw things up. Long story short I have full custody of her since she was around 10. My daughter feels the same way as your daughter does. In fact my daughter goes into some pretty dark places whenever she thinks about her mom or whenever mom tries to communicate with her. If she’s having trouble or issues I generally know it’s because that side of the family is at it again. I’m just posting to say I understand and it sucks. Don’t be discouraged… yes you might have missed out on the earlier years but you guys have a lifetime to establish a good bond, and as someone who has both younger and older kids, there are some really cool things you get to do with your older kids that you can’t do with em while they are young or they will enjoy much more as an a older kid. **OOP:** I'm sorry about your daughter's mom I can tell my daughter's mom is a very touchy subject for my daughter thank you I'm going to try and make up for the years of not being around I did explain I didn't know about her and that's why me not being around wasn't a choice I made \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Dammit Dad! You are killing it! You are there now. Tacos? Check! Ask her what else she missed out on and do it! **OOP:** I feel like she missed out on a lot of normal childhood experiences which makes me sad for her \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **UPDATE November 22, 2023:** [Got called dad for the first time](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/181s9b2/got_called_dad_for_the_first_time/) I (m32) have shared here about my getting full custody of my daughter (15) who I did not know about. It has been a little over 2 months, she gives me a hard time honestly. I haven't yelled at her or anything like that I understand she's been through it we’re both in therapy to help. Well, this whole week she has been really rude and arguing with me it has been very rough. During one of the arguments she ended up telling me some very personal stuff I'm not going to share but I will say she had a very rough start to life. I was trying my best to comfort her she seemed like she was having a panic attack. We were just sitting in silence and she said you know you're pretty good at the whole dad thing for being a newbie. I laughed and said thank you and told her being her dad had been enjoyable… it was silent for a while but then she said thanks, Dad. that made my whole year to be honest been having a bit of happy tears \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ ***Responses from OOP in comments:*** **Commenter:** I’ve really enjoyed reading all your posts and was going to tell you you’re doing a great job dad, but your daughter beat me to it. **OOP:** I was not expecting that tonight! But thanks man **Commenter:** Not many people could do what you’re doing. You’re doing great things. I’m so happy for you both!!! **OOP:** Thank you \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Hey Dad, Even though you’ve had some arguments, know that arguing with you can mean she feels safe. Safe you’ll not kick her out, safe you won’t hurt her in retaliation, safe to push boundaries, safe that she knows you’ll still love her. Holidays are hard for trauma survivors, they bring up so much. I know you’ve created a home and resources to best support her and yourself; you’re both amazing, we are all rooting for you! **OOP:** Thank you, I think it’s also her testing to see my reaction / see if she can trust me Definitely a hard time, thanksgiving was a bit hard on her today and I know Christmas will be as well \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** That is awesome. It is a great feeling for sure. My eldest didn't know I was his father till his 18th birthday. I knew when he was 13. His mother had her reasons and I kept silent. I was his babysitter and he spent a lot of time during the summer with me. One day, after he knew I was his father, we were hanging out like normal. He had a couple friends over at my place. Just sitting out back and what not. We got up to walk out to the car for something. He turned and said, Hey dad think you could take us up to QT to get some drinks? I responded with a, Yeah no problem. Then I was like... did... did he just call me dad? Took a second to process. Was pretty great to hear it. He and I don't have a typical father/son relationship. The way we hangout is more like a older brother/younger brother one. He'll be 30 in a few days and I'll be 48 eleven days after... He has only called me dad twice. He has referred to me as his father a handful of times in conversation when talking to his friends or when he is making a point about one of his mannerisms. Like, Well he is my father, type of thing. But it is awesome to hear. **OOP:** That’s great you have a what sounds like a good relationship with your son and he also knows you are his father Getting called dad definitely isn’t a permit thing for my daughter I’m still “first name” but it is definitely awesome getting recognized as a dad by her Most people actually think my daughter is my sister we actually look a lot alike… I didn't think so unit I saw pictures of myself at 15 lol

UPDATED: Guy has to figure out dad stuff on the fly when cops inform him he fathered a daughter 15 years ago

NEW UPDATE

piercingeye

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1897rjy/updated_guy_has_to_figure_out_dad_stuff_on_the/

189la5y

\*\*I AM OP. The original sub doesn't allow stand-alone updates, just a weekly comment thread so I thought I would post here in case anyone missed it. Original post by u/avengelina254 in r/datingoverforty \*\* 11-11-23 trigger warnings: infidelity mood spoilers: hopeful that she leaves and heals and hopeful for myself to get back out there and try again \--- \&nbsp; Ghosted for the first time ever, twice in a row, struggling hard mentally after this last one. [https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/17suedg/ghosted\_for\_the\_first\_time\_ever\_twice\_in\_a\_row/](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/17suedg/ghosted_for_the_first_time_ever_twice_in_a_row/) \- 11-11-2023 I know this gets talked about a lot but I am brand new to being ghosted. Happened a few months ago. Talked to the jerk face for a month via text, he drove an hour to see me on my bday and after sex (I know my fault for doing it the first meeting in person) he ghosted. I was appalled but got over it pretty quickly. Took a break a few weeks from OLD, then when I jumped back on I met the latest ghost. We clicked right away, texted all day, every day from wake up to sleep. We hung out a few times all went amazing with him texting as he left with tons of "omg you are so beautiful" "I already miss you" type of texts. We then had sex and inside I was terrified that he would ghost like the last guy, but to my joy he again was texting me within minutes of leaving about how great it was etc. We continue the all day long text conversations and a see each other again a week after our first hook up. The visit was awesome. Ended with a 5 minute goodbye at the door with talks of how how much we like each other in between kisses. When he drove away, I did not know it yet, but my worst fear was about to come true, he was about to be a ghost. He is military (I know, most of you will scream at your screen and tell me right there is my answer, that soldiers do it all the time, I live outside a military base I hear stories about all the shitty soldiers all the time). Anyways, the day prior he was on 24 hour duty so this latest visit was a few hours into his 24 hr off day that follows. I didn't get the text as he left like I had before, but figured it was due to him being extremely tired from 24 hr duty and let it be so he could get some sleep. He left that day at 11:30a. Around 3:30p I sent a quick text letting him know I hoped he was getting good sleep and went about my day. At almost 5p I open my text up and see that he 'read' (he has read receipts on) the message about around 3:45p. Now that was weird, he had never left me on read before, but again figured maybe we woke up to pee and read it and went back to sleep. No biggie, just sent another one that said "you good?" and again went about my day. I got off work at 7p and by this time my anxiety was starting to boil up in my chest. Hadn't read my last message, sent him one saying "just got off work" Checked every hour to see if he read it and that increased rapidly as my anxiety did and let to a pretty rough night of overthinking and going into a complete panic. In my desperate need to get a response I sent "goodnight?" at 9p. Managed to get some sleep in and was up at 7:30a and told myself I would for sure have my daily "morning" text that he would send before PT at 5:30a every single day since we met. I lied to myself because when I looked at my phone there was nothing and nothing had been read. Sent off a "im worried about you" text and forced myself into my day battling my own thoughts as I think I knew deep down it was happening, but kept trying to reassure myself it was not. 30 min into work now 11a and I get a lovely 'we are laying off due to downsizing, budgets, blah blah blah and we have to let you go' meeting. So I close my computer in shock, grab my phone hoping with everything there was some indication of him acknowledging me because at that moment I really needed the comfort that I got from him when we talked. I got my indication, it was in the form of my last message sent from my iPhone to his not saying "delivered." If you don't know what this means, it means your blocked. I had an old ex that would block me at random times to cheat so I knew all too well what it meant. I broke down. I just lost my job and him at the same time. Throughout the day I sent a few more texts praying that word "delivered" would show up but it never did. Google was wishy washy on whether or not it really means your blocked when it doesn't say delivered so of course it just gave me false hope. It has been a few days now, I stopped reaching out the day I lost my job, which was this past Wednesday (our last visit being Tuesday). No response from him at all. I spent the last few days crying (i'd say about 70% over him and 30% over the job thing) off and on, asking multiple friends their opinions etc. In not one of my finer moments, I apparently thought me having the last word would seal this whole event up nicely and I can wipe my hands of it and move on. So that horrible idea lead to me sending him a message via my Text Now number that went like this: " Hi it's me Avengelina254 this is my 2nd number. I am sorry for all the texts I sent the other day, I was recently ghosted and when I didn't hear from you after sex and us hanging out I panicked. Then while worrying about you, I got laid off from my job making me want to hear from you for comfort. So again, I am sorry, that is truly out of character for me and I feel terrible. Now with that being said, I have been very clear about how much I like you and if you felt differently why didn't you just tell me??? I did not deserve to be ghosted, I def did not deserve to waste my tears crying over it or the time spent wondering wtf happened that would make you ghost me. But here we are, you now a ghost of my past and me just another notch on your bed post. You know, hurting good people just to avoid a conversation isn't a good look. Do better. Have a good day." I'm 99.9999999% sure he got it, it was from a number he didn't have so no way it was blocked. Did he read it, who TF knows. Did he respond? Of course not. That would be too mature for his cowardly ass to do. Am I over it? Fuck no, not even close. What the fuck is wrong with me, I had to delete all our messages and pics from my phone because if I caught a glimpse of either I would cry. I have this gut wrenching empty feeling inside me that just won't go away because I am so damn sad. I got my last word that I for some reason just had to have thinking it would help me move on, yet of course it did not. How the hell do I get past this? Why TF can't I get over it? This pussy of a man had me wondering what was wrong with me, what did I do wrong, shattering my self esteem. Him ghosting me says way more about who he is as a person that it does me. I know this, I KNOW this, but why the fuck can't I get over him? So that's my story, sorry it was so long. My fellow Redditors have always had my back and have helped me through some heavy shit before so here I am again at all of your mercy and ready to face any judgement in hopes that ya'll can help me through this. Or teach me (hopefully gently, i'm fragile right now) what I did wrong to learn from it. <3 \&nbsp; UPDATE to being ghosted for the first time...twice. [https://www.reddit.com/user/Avengelina254/comments/183oa3f/update\_to\_being\_ghosted\_for\_the\_first\_timetwice/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Avengelina254/comments/183oa3f/update_to_being_ghosted_for_the_first_timetwice/) \- 11-25-2023 So it's been a couple weeks since the ghosting, obviously I moved on. I realized that I was more upset about the fact that it happened to me than having to do anything with him. The more my friends and I discussed it I found myself being angry over the act of being ghosted by someone I like, than actually missing him. The day I posted it had just happened so I know a lot of ya'll commented about how I could be so upset over him knowing him a month (hell I thought the same) but nah I was over him after like a day or 2. So anyways on to why there is an update..... Last night I get a text that says "hey" from a number with his area code. (he has a different area code than me and I deleted his number so it was no longer a contact in my phone). I think it's him. Oh boy it sure as hell was not him. It was his f-in WIFE!!!! He is married. She was angry at me at first until she realized I had no idea he was married. He told me there weren't together, they co parent and even as far as she was in a realtionship with a woman now. She asked me a lot of questions, I answered them all honestly. She asked for texts so I sent her our entire text thread from day 1 to the ghosting. Not without warning that she really didn't want to read them that it wasn't just physical cheating, but emotional as well and sometimes pretty steamy. She thanked me, but still wanted them so I sent them. She also told me that the day he came over, the same day he ghosted me, she caught him BEFORE he came to my house. This lying piece of shit came over here AFTER being caught cheating and had sex with me and fed me lovey dovey bullshit knowing damn well his ass was caught by his wife. So now the question as to why I was ghosted has been answered. At the end of it she thanked me for the proof, my time and my honesty and said she's got it from there and that was it. I am VERY angry. I would never, ever, ever be the other woman and he forced me to be. Im disgusted. I know this is all hist fault, but I still feel f-ing horrible, they have kids. I hope she stays strong and not only divorces his ass, but reports him to his boss in the military. Aside from that everything else in my life seems to be crashing around me, no luck getting a new job, the car broke down, all my info got breached and I got hacked all to hell with banks, accounts, emails you name it, so I have much heavier shit to deal with right now, this was just icing on the damn cake. Hopefully I make it through this. TLDR: HE IS A GIANT PIECE OF SHIT. \*\*Reminder - I AM the original poster.\*\* Setting this to concluded for now, if anything else comes of it, I will update my profile.

UPDATE: Ghosted for the first time ever, twice in a row, struggling hard mentally after this last one

CONCLUDED

Avengelina254

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/189la5y/update_ghosted_for_the_first_time_ever_twice_in_a/

189m3g3

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Mobile_Enthusiasm664 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITAH for not taking out my wife’s dog** Trigger Warnings: >!animal neglect!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/182uiee/aitah_for_not_taking_out_my_wifes_dog/?share_id=NKsndkpPBEnIhpANrySTb&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 24, 2023** Some months ago my wife kept nagging about getting a dog. I call it nagging because I said I didn’t want to get a dog right now. We needed the money for something else and we have three kids. One has medical issues. We are already stressed. But she kept saying she wanted one because she had one when she was a kid and because she was so stressed with life and work. She kept looking for a dog and even contacting a seller without telling me. She told me the same day of the deal that she only had hours to say yes or no. I finally told he that she could do what she wants but I will not be responsible for the dog. I take care of my kids and our home but not the dog. She bought it. It’s been a couple of months and my wife realizes it’s not easy to have a dog now. She barely takes him on walks. I have taken him sometimes but it’s gettin colder so I haven’t anymore. I feel bad at times but I also feel that it’s my wife’s responsibility. She has been talking about selling him although I don’t think she will. AITAH for not taking care of him more? &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Pitmus:** ESH. You agreed and you expected it to go to plan? It’s not that cold, and tbh walking a dog is great exercise and fun, depending on what dog she got! You are also away from the stress of home. It also counts as a chore, and you can take all the kids with you, to a/ give your wife a break from the kids b/ make the kids learn how to walk the dog! If you don’t walk the dog it is cruel. He may get behavioural issues and he’ll certainly have a lot of energy. Walking the dog is equivalent to doing the washing and drying up. If you don’t share chores, then tough. It’s not the dog’s fault. I had the same thing, bought a dog for a GF after she begged and she brought him back the next day. I shared a flat. That was tough. You have kids to play with it. Just walk it. I cannot understand the people on here that won’t walk a dog. A dog is a load of work and you can’t leave it like a cat but it will love you far more and be loyal. I bet no one’s training it either. >**OP:** She is not a stay at home mom. We share chores and many times I do more than her which she has confessed herself &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/184ju8n/aitah_for_not_taking_care_of_my_wifes_dog_update/) - **Nov 26, 2023** A lot of you had good advice about my situation so I thought that I would give an update. I talked to my wife and she actually thought about selling the dog. She knew a girl from work that had talked about getting a dog so I told my wife she should call her but the girl had changed her mind. My wife then said the she couldn’t imagine getting rid of him. A lot of you said I was an asshole for not taking care of him even though it was my wife’s fault for buying him even though I had said no. Even though most of you said I wasn’t an asshole I felt bad. So I told my wife that I would start taking the dog for walks but as a favor to her which I would expect to cash in some way. Not anything sexual (although I wouldn’t mind her giving me some more blowjobs) but I would want some massages. I have gotten 2 massages in the 11 years we have been together even though I love them and give them often to her. To be honest I don’t think I will get it back but I feel bad for the dog. So I will start taking care of it. So that was the update. Thank you for your advice and your judgement &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITAH for not taking out my wife’s dog

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/189m3g3/aitah_for_not_taking_out_my_wifes_dog/

189m3xc

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/prethrowaway9 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITA for suggesting calling off the wedding because she thinks the prenup is unfair?** Trigger Warnings: >!mentions of abortion, MRA tendencies!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15d2bzk/aita_for_suggesting_calling_off_the_wedding/?share_id=Pzz4epngO5GEhQcbMtF_4&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **July 29, 2023** My girlfriend(26F) and myself(M24) have just found out that she is pregnant. She is adamant about not wanting to have a child out of wedlock, so we have been discussing getting married. We’ve been together for 3 and a half years. Prior to finding out about the baby, we had only talked about marriage a little bit. I know she wants to get married badly, but I’m kind of on the otherwise of the fence. I’m not 100% against it, but definitely not eager/desperate to get married for multiple reasons. For one, my brother just recently got taken to the cleaners by his ex-wife (he pays her like 10k a month in addition to losing some of his properties!!) and that whole situation terrifies me and I’ve never really seen what a marriage provides that makes that risk worth it. To me, it’s just the same thing as being together how we are currently, but giving the state permission to be in our relationship. However, now that she’s pregnant, I’ve been more open to it just because I know how much it means to her. So, we’ve started this process and I’m slowly realizing that I may have bitten off more than I want to chew. While me and my girlfriend love each other very much and are compatible in pretty much every way. Our ideas about marriage, the wedding, ect seem to be a little different. For starters, for the wedding I was thinking we each pick some of our closest people (maybe 10 or so each idk the number can be a little flexible) and go get married on an island/beach, stay for a week or 2, or something cool like that, so we can have fun and enjoy it. She pretty much wants the exact opposite… ect massive wedding in a big venue. Now I don’t see anything wrong with that type of wedding, it just seems like such a colossal waste of resources to invite every person we know when we could instead have fun for a week or 2 then get married on the beach with our closest people. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the beach(I’m flexible), but I think you get the idea I’m going for vs the idea she’s going for are completely 2 different schools of thought. She basically wants to invite every single person she knows like I’ve looked at her list and she’s got friends she hasn’t seen in years, third cousins, literally everyone. To me, if I’m gonna spend a boatload of money, we should do it for ourselves, not people we barely know. We’ve been talking about compromises and making slow progress on that end, but we were getting there. She knew prior to getting married I would require a prenup. I make about 4x her salary and own property and plan to acquire more. I had my lawyer draft up a prenup and she has her own lawyer reviewing it. This is where we came to an impasse. Her lawyer believed the prenup was unfair and we’ve been going back and forth making changes. I’ve made some concessions, but I’m kind of at a point where I don’t want to make anymore. While I admit, the prenup is definitely ironclad, I think it’s fair considering the situation. I’m taking all the risk, why would I continue to concede on things me and my lawyer both believe are fair? So, recently we got into a minor argument over wedding stuff in general regarding the prenup/wedding and I was just like maybe we should just keep things how they are? Of course, she flipped. We’ve cooled down since, and she says she still wants to make this happen, but that I need to be more open to compromise. I feel like given the situation, I’ve compromised more than I already should have. I talked to my brother about it and he told I’ve compromised more than enough and to hold firm and worst case, you stay gf/bf, which is realistically probably better anyways. My sister disagrees and says I’m being a jerk for not working with her more. The way I see it, why would I risk everything I’ve worked for when I’m not even getting the wedding I want nor the financial protection I want? Just so I can say I’m married? There’s just very few tangible benefits I’d be getting in relation to the risk. So, AITA? Edit: ok I feel like I made her look bad in the original post. 1. The price of the wedding isn’t the problem. The cost of the wedding I want vs what I want are damn near the same amount. It’s just the things we want to use that amount for. 2. I don’t think she’s maliciously going after me and I do see her as the person I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We were planning on moving in together regardless. However like I mentioned, prenup is ironclad. I’m not gonna go into the details of the prenup for obvious reasons, but I will say it probably favors me. The language she wants in the prenup leaves more interpretation to judge, it’s nothing necessarily crazy and from my understanding somewhat common in prenups vs the language I want is very precise with things I have specifically outlined regardless of the circumstance. She wouldn’t be screwed or anything and would still probably be doing better financially speaking than she is now, (she already does ok for herself) but the prenup is about as strong as it can while still being reliably enforceable. And another thing I want to make clear. It’s not that I don’t wanna get married. The idea of marriage and being married to someone you love is cool. I’m not against it like I may have made it sound. If anything I may be the paranoid one, my parents are divorced, both my brothers got divorced, my cousins ect. I just know how we feel now about each other may not be the case forever as sad as that may be. In the case, that something I happens I don’t want to give up a large portion of my assets. I would always support the kid and make sure he/she needs. It’s my child. 3. This isn’t a problem with the relationship. If we don’t get married, we’ll stay together and raise the kid. It’s not totally unexpected. I was pulling out, but shit happens. We both acknowledged the risk of getting pregnant and were ok with the possibility. I never promised her marriage if that was the case. In fact, in the first year of dating I told her I didn’t plan on getting married at all back when we weren’t that serious. I say all this to say this isn’t something that Ive been expecting and she had never made this much of a fuss about getting married before now. 4. Another thing I noticed a lot of comments are assuming she would be pregnant at the wedding. We would wait till after the birth. When I said she doesn’t want to have a baby out of wedlock, I didn’t mean it that literate. Like if we got married a couple months/year after, it wouldn’t be a big deal to her. My mistake. 5. We are in the process of moving in together and are going to raise the baby together regardless of the outcome of this dispute. Now I know this is where a bunch of Reddit people call me naive, but this possibility has already been discussed. We do not have any intention of raising in the baby in a dual household and if we did I would have no problem paying child support. 6. More details about the prenup. Yes, it’s ironclad but it’s not unfair. To answer some of the questions people are asking, yes it guarantees she will have a place to live if we were to get a divorce and she is guaranteed alimony for a certain period as well. &nbsp; **ADDITIONAL INFORMATION** I did one more look through of this thread and I saw all your comments. As much as I would love to respond to each one, I sadly don’t have the time, but I’ll answer some of your questions that I remember seeing in the comments. I can tell you don’t understand finances or how legal documents work very well, so I’ll try to break everything down in simplistic way you can understand. 1. Yes, a divorce is way costlier than child support. You keep asking for sources, but a lot of this stuff should be common sense especially for someone with as much “life experience” as you especially considering you’re a divorced single mom yourself. I would think you would have some personal experience. Anyways, I’ll break this down with simple numbers to make it easy for you to comprehend. Let’s say she were to get 2k month in child support (avg in cali is 430$ and usually tops out at 800$ according to Google), but I wanted to make this example fun for you and leave no room for you to twist the situation. 2,000(monthly support) x 12(months in a year) = 24,000. 24,000 x 18(years of support) = 432,000. Now in a divorce, things like property are on the table. So, let’s say she gets 1 property (extremely unrealistic, she would definitely get more but again just trying to help you understand, so keeping it as simple as I can so you don’t get confused) valued at 500,000 (again on the low end. Most properties in California go for way more. Let’s just say you’re not gonna find a decent house for 500,000 in California). Now if you still don’t understand, I’ll spell it out. Just losing 1 valuable property is more of a financial loss than child support ever would be, and in most cases, you’re not just losing 1 property if you have multiple. That’s not to even mention child support is spread over years, whereas you could lose hundreds of thousands in value in a single day. The losses are in no way comparable and I’m genuinely curious about the mental gymnastics you could be doing to believe that or if it’s you just don’t understand basic finances. Either way, I hope my explanation was able to educate you a little bit. 2. You don’t have to get married to have a baby. The fact that you keep implying that it is morally wrong when the majority of baby’s are born out of wedlock is showing your ignorance about reality. 3. As you should know, prenups deemed unfair are often thrown out. My lawyer literally told me any prenup we drew up without alimony would likely be tossed. How is that for a source? 4. I think we are compatible as roommates because while yes, she doesn’t live with me. She probably stays at my house 4-5 nights out of the week if not more some weeks. Half her clothes are over here, the majority of the food she makes is over here, point being us “living” together is not something foreign to us as you like to make it seem. 5. Yes, the verdict is totally unanimous! That’s why you have 30+ comments arguing with people in the comments because it’s so unanimous… Based on the fact that you have like 30 separate comments full of long paragraphs arguing with everyone on a situation that you have no part in, you clearly have some bitterness because the situation resonates with you, and for that I’m sorry. I do hope you can find a way to heal and get past your trauma. Best of luck! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **mollycoddle4704:** Actually he did not. He specifically said with the prenup she would only probably be doing slightly better than “ok”, which is how she’s doing pre-baby, with a job. Doesn’t sound like he’s interested in putting in the duties as primary caregiver, and would probably balk at paying for a caregiver, so she’d end up way worse if the marriage ended, and that’s how he wants it to be. >**OP:** I would happily pay for a caregiver if she wanted to continue working. As of right now, she said she would prefer to stay home, but she said she may change her mind after the birth. I’m am totally fine with either option. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/184h86v/update_wedding_postponed_due_to_prenup/) - **Nov 26, 2023** So, my last post ended up getting way more attention than I anticipated and a lot of you guys dm’ed me with advice and asking for an update. Thanks to everyone who reached out with advice. A couple of you guys stories & pieces of advice are what ended up helping me stand firm on the decision. I tried to respond to some of you, but apologies if i didn’t get to you. Also, not sure about the rules about updates so if this isn’t allowed sorry mods just delete it. First, I’ll answer some of the common questions I saw throughout the thread. I realized if I don’t specify something everyone will just fill in the blanks themselves, which I guess I can’t be too mad at. 1. Yes, we are both aware of what birth control is and how to use it. For the first 2 years of our relationship, she was on the pill, but told me she wanted to get off of it because it was messing with her hormones. She said I could use condoms if I wanted too, but that didn’t last for too long. We both knew & accepted this could potentially happen. 2. Yes, I said she doesn’t live with me, but I should have provided more context. Yes, she doesn’t technically live with me but she primarily stays at my place. She has her own apartment, but sleeps at my place minimum 4-5 nights a week. Sometimes even more. Most of her clothes are over here, the food she makes is over here ect I think you get my point. 3. For everyone that keeps saying abortion, she’s had the option for that the entire time. I’ve made that clear to her the whole time. She is choosing this. We live in California, so it’s not like it’s illegal or anything. When she asked my opinion, I told her I preferred she keep it, but if she wanted an abortion, I would get her one and support her decision regardless. She chose to keep it. I think those were peoples main questions, so onto the update. We ended up having a discussion about the whole marriage thing where we both were able to get our opinions/concerns out there. Just me and her, no lawyers, no anything. It was really helpful because it let both of us get our concerns out there. We ended up agreeing that the whole marriage / prenup situation was too stressful right now while we were dealing with so many things. Pregnancy, moving in, ect. So, we agreed that for now we would focus on the baby and pend the marriage conversation for now. I agreed I would be open to discussing it again in a couple years once everything has settled down and she ended up being satisfied with that. That was last week and as of a couple days ago, we finished moving the rest of her stuff to my place. Her lease ends at the end of this month & all that is left in the apartment is some furniture she plans to give to her family. And since this is my last post about this situation I’ll provide some clarity about why I didn’t want to compromise any further on the prenup. The language that my lawyer and I chose to use was very definitive about what would happen in the event of a divorce. On the other hand, hers was not. Again, still not going into details but I’ll say what my lawyer told me. He basically said that if I were to concede the language any further, he could no longer give me a guarantee on what I stand to lose. He said at that point, I would pretty much be at the mercy of the judges interpretation meaning anything could happen especially considering the fact that we live in CA. For me, that would defeat the entire purpose of the prenup, which is why I wasn’t willing to concede on it. I actually was willing to concede on the actual wedding plans, but I just couldn’t imagine letting a court system that is historically pretty unfair to men have the final say over my assets. I assured my girlfriend that in the event that we separated, I would make sure she was still taken care of which made her feel better about the whole situation as well. I don’t think my problem was necessarily the commitment to her. It was more the fact that someone else would have the final say over everything in the scenario where things go wrong vs myself having the final say, which as many of you pointed out, means I’m just not ready for marriage. &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Drunkendonkeytail;** Sure. Okay. So long as you understand what your stance will engender. Your GF/baby mama will understand that she is largely on her own. Certainly if she has any sense she will understand that she must be very prudent with her finances. This means that she needs to work continuously to protect herself. I do hope that you’ve considered what lump sum to transfer to gf to reimburse her for the career hit this pregnancy will cause (due to diminished energy, having to take on less challenging assignments, distrust by superiors). If the baby is born with special needs she knows that she cannot be the one to sacrifice her work to take them to medical care. Despite it being the most healthy option, this baby cannot be breastfed since the time and energy would eat away at gf’s work energies,unless you plan to reimburse her. You need to prepare to be the parent who stays home whenever the child is ill. You need to prepare to attend the various appointments, meetings, school events, play dates, shop for the birthday presents, throw the parties. Your gf cannot afford to jeopardize her financial security since her resources are less than yours. Men feel they’ve been screwed by women out to take their money. I just don’t think they’ve calculated all the innumerable small financial hits those “opportunistic women” took during the course of rearing their children. Certainly, if no children or joint efforts to build a business are involved then you support you, I support myself is perfectly equitable. >**OP:** She’s not on her own. I pay for pretty much anything she needs. What a ridiculous, out of touch thing to say lol. She also is choosing not to work. If she wanted to continue with her career, I told her we could get a nanny/daycare whatever. She is adamant about being sahm, which is cool I totally support, but you phrase this entire thing like I’m making her do this or making her have the kid… I don’t discount the things she will have to give up/sacrifice. I’ll always make sure she’s taken care of, but I don’t think I should be at the mercy of the government/her in the event something goes wrong. And of course I’ll do my part in raising the kid, I feel like I’ve made that clear. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for suggesting calling off the wedding because she thinks the prenup is unfair?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/189m3xc/aita_for_suggesting_calling_off_the_wedding/

189m47y

**Abuse diguised as poly** **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Familiar-Banana8331 **Originally posted to** r/polyamory **Thanks to u/bulbapuppaur for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Triggers for physical, verbal and emotional abuse, sexual abuse, Emotional manipulation, infidelity, mentions of STI!< [I’m terrible at titles. I just need an outside perspective.](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/WSm2EvI3qO) **March 27, 2023** I need help. I’m lost in the middle of this right now and I can’t see things very objectively. I didn’t want to go to r/relationshipadvice because they’re pretty extreme and I wouldn’t put it past them to jump to conclusions about my safety and simultaneously shame me for being poly and for my role in this. One of my relationships was questionable from the beginning, but he was up front with me, so I trusted him. He told me he and his wife were separated but they had an “unspoken understanding” that they would each live their own lives. But they can’t get divorced because it would cause hardship and shame for their families back home. He told me this the first time we met, and we clicked, so I was okay with it. My nesting partner was concerned but trusted me. Months pass, things are great between us, except I still don’t know his last name. I don’t know the name of his business that he owns. I learned he uses a burner phone for me. He is terrified of his wife finding out about me because she’ll divorce him and ruin his life (even though they can’t get divorced because of their families and supposedly she’s having her own relationships?) Then he tells me he’s getting pressure from his wife, wife’s family, and his family to make things work and eventually have kids, but he didn’t want to break it off with me. This man literally said “I want to have my cake and eat it too” but gave me an out if I wasn’t comfortable with it. I was immediately on board with him reconnecting with his wife, and admittedly, I didn’t want to leave him either and wanted to be a little selfish, so I thought I was okay with it. A couple of weeks pass where we don’t see each other, during which I get this growing, nagging feeling that things are wrong, and I finally realize that I’m *not* okay with it. He is literally making me into “the other woman”. His wife is expecting a monogamous relationship and he is lying to her face. I try to encourage him to talk to his wife about a couple of things but he claims that she “isn’t mature about things like this”. I’ve lost count of how many red flags I’ve typed out now. Here are a few more: * When I told him that I realized I’m not comfortable with how the boundaries of our relationship have changed, he got very passive aggressive and told me that he “thought I would always be there for him. Selflessly”. I told him I didn’t realize “selfless” meant “zero boundaries” and he responded “selfless means not thinking about yourself.” * He would never initiate conversation unless it was to complain about me not initiating conversation every single day. * He keeps telling me that our relationship is special and unique and things are different with me. * When I called him out on what he said in the first bullet point and said he clearly didn’t want a relationship with a whole person and only cared about his own needs and disregarded mine, he said I misunderstood and he wants a chance to clarify, but he can’t clarify over text. But he’s so sad that I felt this way about this misunderstanding, and he thought I knew him better than that and he was always considerate and caring. And then he asked if I was still mad when he still refuses to clarify anything over text. I obviously can’t continue any sort of relationship with him. I thought there was a chance I could still support him or be a friend but I don’t think I can trust anything he says. I’m fluctuating between being furious with him and being furious at myself for willfully ignoring red flags and also straying from my own values. And now to the reason why I’m here: is he actually a massive piece of shit, was he always a manipulative douchecanoe, or. do you think he’s just a selfish dumbass? How do y’all with more poly experience than I do (1 year) deal with situations like this? Also, is he actually lovebombing/manipulating me or am I just reading too much into it? I need a sanity check Edit: y’all are being much kinder to me then I am. Thank you. UPDATE: It’s only been 13 or so hours but y’all have helped me in ways I didn’t expect. I came in with a lot of self-judgement and doubt and expected a lot of hate for my part in it. Funny how manipulative people can make us think bad situations are all our fault, huh? /s Anyway I took a lot of what y’all said to heart and was already on my way to fully acknowledging the Soviet parade of red flags this guy had and my part in all of it. Last night, I did try to find his last name so I had the option of telling his wife, but I struck out on that. I got laid off a couple of months ago and I’m sorry but I can’t justify paying for a background check. So today, I did what almost everyone, including my NP and friend, has been saying from the beginning and blocked him, but it felt shitty to do it without any comment at all, so I sent him this: “I’m not meeting you in person. You’ve had plenty of chances to turn this around but instead of addressing the issues, you love bombed and deflected and kept promising “later”. You may love me but you clearly don’t respect me. Or your wife. It was tempting to meet up with you to hear how you were going to try to dig your way out of this hole but ultimately, it wouldn’t change anything. I’m done.” Then I immediately blocked him on everything. My NP said that was harsher than they expected from me but they were proud of me. Ngl, it still hurts. He kept saying he was going to “respect my decision but right now he’s fighting for me” which my NP said sounds contradictory. I have to agree. I’m a little worried he’s going to show up at my place but I hope his sense of self-preservation will win out. If he shows up at my place, I’ll show up at his. Thank you all for the sanity check and reminding me that I am human and will continue to make mistakes and get hurt. Small edit: I did find a couple of actually free reverse phone lookups, and they didn’t have a name associated with the number at all, reaffirming that he used a burner phone for me [Update abuse diguised as poly](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/3QwDOmZnyZ) **Nov 26, 2023** Hi everyone! I wanted to give a bit of a positive update. 8 months ago, I posted asking for advice on how to navigate realizing that a guy I was dating was just using Polyamory as an “in” to using me to cheat on his wife. [You can read it here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/123azbb/im_terrible_at_titles_i_just_need_an_outside/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) The community here was telling me a lot of what I knew but didn’t want to admit or didn’t fully realize, and a lot more that I needed to hear. I want to give an update on my situation with him and my new partner, who has shown me exactly what Poly is supposed to be! First, the jerk. I’ll call him Nick, because that’s his name, and even if he or someone he knew somehow saw this, there are so many Nicks in the world. Idc. This paragraph is pretty rough so it you want to skip down to the positive part, I marked it with a 💙. I did NOT meet him again, which many of you will be happy to hear. He doesn’t need “closure” and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve any more attention from me. What I realized later is that he really, truly, had me believing that all of the things he was mad at me about were my fault and my responsibility. Stress triggered symptoms of dormant gonorrhea, which I passed to him, thinking I simply had a sore throat. He panicked, told me that he absolutely could not have anything on record with his insurance or the government or whatever, got a massive panel, tested positive for HSV1 (which I did NOT test positive for, btw, but he still blamed me), and the last time we met, he told me that he was doing me a favor by forgiving me and seeing me again, and that I needed to “make it up to him”. I believed him, and therefore didn’t fight back when he hit me. I kept this from my partners and my therapist for a long time out of various degrees of shame. I told Nick I was done, saved the screenshots, and blocked him on everything. I wasn’t going to give him a chance to smooth talk his way back into my good graces, nor was I going to give him a chance to attack me, or worse. I didn’t have time for his shit when I was just trying to survive after getting laid off in January. 4 months later, while I was at my friend’s wedding at the end of July, I got a text from an unknown number. It was Nick. He said he respected that I apparently blocked him on everything and wouldn’t reach out again but he wanted to plead with me one more time to meet him and give him a chance to explain himself, because he “hates that [I] think [he] would believe those things.” Barf. I had a full panic attack during the wedding (which both partners were very helpful in guiding me through) and struggled for a long time on whether to respond, whether to threaten him with telling his wife, whether to file a police report, etc etc. Ultimately, I did the smart thing and just didn’t respond and didn’t do anything at all. I was scared for a while, due to past trauma of exes coming up out of the blue to try to weasel their way into my lives, and also being very aware of the realities of r/womenwhorefuse. I was scared to leave my apartment alone at night for a while, because I couldn’t trust that his self preservation would be stronger than his ego. Ultimately, I have healed, nothing has escalated, and it has been another 4 months of silence. I am genuinely at peace with my past with him and my present and future without him. 💙 Now for the good part! A couple of weeks after I broke it off with Nick, I was back online, refusing to let Nick or my fear of him control my dating life. I was going to take it slow and stay cautious but optimistic. I had a couple of good dates, but one really stuck out and lasted. My new partner, who I will call Dave, because why not, has been in poly relationships for over 5 years. We spent the first week just texting, laughing, and discussing boundaries, and then, for the first meet up/date, he invited me over to his place for dinner along with several of his friends/roommates, where he made ramen from scratch. We spent the evening talking, laughing, playing Cards Against Humanity—I told him that inviting me over to a group dinner for a first date was a *choice* but it worked out since I unanimously passed the vibe check, including from his spouse (major green flag for me—being approved by the spouse lol) and his friends were fantastic wingpeople haha. We’ve been together for 7 months now. We joke that his kink is consent. Dave has helped me through a lot of the grieving that comes with escaping abuse, he has never made me feel bad about setting boundaries (and has wholeheartedly supported and accepted them), he, his spouse, my NP and myself all get along really well and had the chillest Friendsgiving ever, I helped Dave and his spouse paint and move into their new house, I have met his mom and several of his childhood friends (my family and friends live several states away), we’ve gone to a wedding together, we currently have very similar lines of work so we are able to really understand each other’s vents. Long story short, I never really believed that it was possible to have two healthy relationships total, much less two at the same time. So thank y’all for giving me the kick in the pants that I needed. The poly community as a whole has been wonderful and I have been truly happy and at peace for a while now. ##**OOP ADDED AN EDIT AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED** **EDIT:** I see that this was posted on BoRU and that there some misconceptions that I want to clear up about the STIs. First, I was up front with Nick about any STIs I had. I had tested for them just a couple of months before I met him. I was not aware that I needed to test my throat separately. Second, I was not worried about my nesting partner because my NP and I do not have a sexual relationship. There was no physical risk to them. Third, the chain of events went as follows: I got a sore throat and thought it was either allergies or a cold. I then met up with him to “serve” him, as he liked to call it, and transferred the gonorrhea through oral sex. Third, I went to urgent care after I wasn’t getting any better, got tested, and told everyone immediately so we could be treated. I called it “dormant” because that is how asymptomatic gonorrhea is sometimes called, at least according to google. It didn’t “go” dormant, but I had no symptoms and didn’t get a throat swab. And yes, it can be asymptomatic until it is either triggered by stress or until symptoms appear 1-2 months later. Also, women are more likely to not have symptoms. These are all factors and I never intentionally went around spreading STIs, and we did not have unprotected vaginal sex. That said, I also don’t believe I gave him HSV-1. Some comments have made me wonder if he is also the one who transferred the gonorrhea, but that is neither here nor there. I would rather take responsibility for it as something I fucked up on instead of trying to shift blame away from me. In response to a lot of people saying I’m a horrible person, that’s understandable. I made horrible decisions. I was taken in by his charm and by hormones and I didn’t have my defenses up. I was relatively new to poly and genuinely hadn’t heard that bullshit before. I was naive and stupid and there was some willful ignorance there. I was an affair partner and couldn’t accept it until he hit me. I know that I am not defined by this one period in my life. But I also know that his wife is innocent in regards to his actions and deserves better. Maybe she is having her own affairs. Maybe she isn’t. But I know that he tested positive for HSV-1 and I guarantee he didn’t tell her. I’m talking with my partners to make sure they’re okay with the risk that will come with me initiating contact. Because Nick is not a safe person and I absolutely believe that if I take action to implode his life, he will come after me. The only thing that has outweighs his ego is his sense of self preservation. If I take that away, I absolutely believe I and my partners will be in danger. So I need to figure out how to do this right. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Abuse diguised as poly

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/189m47y/abuse_diguised_as_poly/

189m491

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/General_Lettuce_7325 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **Aitah for not inviting my parents to my wedding and anyone from that family?** **EDITOR’S NOTES: ADDED SPACES IN BOTH POSTS FOR READABILITY** **DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS MIXED UP SOME PRONOUNS AS ENGLISH LIKELY ISN'T THEIR FIRST LANGUAGE** Trigger Warnings: >!homophobia, verbal abuse, physical abuse!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17h84sc/aitah_for_not_inviting_my_parents_to_my_wedding/?share_id=WGBOddE5JWsa_T6jMlTzz&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Oct 26, 2023** Me (27) and my husband (28) are going to get married in January, on his side her entire family is invited, but on mine only my maternal aunt and her husband are going. When my parents and the rest of my family they found out about this they made a big fuss and they treated me horribly. but I am justified in not wanting them on my special day. Context: I was the first daughter, granddaughter and niece, I was everyone's darling until the other babies arrived, and when I turned 8 my little sister was born, my grandparents and my mother stopped treating me in a special way. if my sister broke me whatever they never scolded her but if I said something mean to my sister I was punished, once she even broke my glasses and I was punished. My father, on the other hand, was present for a while but then disappeared. He was constant with the money but not with the visits or calls. When I turned 11, I was closer to my maternal aunt, who lived miles away from me, than to my uncles, grandparents, and mother who lived in my house. That aunt who is 9 years older than me, she is my mother's half-sister and although she only saw her on Christmas, birthdays and holidays, we talked on the phone twice a day When I (12) and she (21). I stayed with her all summer, even though my mom didn't believe my aunt could take care of me, they were the best 2 months of my life. After my vacation I studied more and had a very good behavior at school with the intention that they would let me go to see her again, but everything was ruined when my grades in mathematics began to go down, although I tried hard and my aunt gave me classes and Even she paid a tutor my grades didn't improve. That year my aunt visited me in the middle of the school year and went to see what was happening at school (with my mother), that was when my teacher said that I WAS NOT PAYING ATTENTION IN CLASS BECAUSE I WAS VERY LOVING WITH A GIRL. My mother and aunt were amazed and asked the teacher why he said that? The teacher argued that I was a lesbian and that classmate was my girlfriend, and as an institution I could not accept that (it was a religious school) my aunt made a fuss and threatened to sue them for discrimination, but my mother believed the teacher. When they got home, she hit me and exposed me in front of her entire family (I was not a lesbian and that "girlfriend" was a friend.) My aunt got in the way and confronted my mother It was then that my mother kicked me out of the house and told my aunt if she defended me so much, I should move in with her, because I was a shame to my mother and that I was not going to go through that with the neighbors. My aunt didn't think twice and took me with her, she called my father and told him about her situation, they both filed a complaint and made it clear that I would stay with her. My grandmother, who lived with my aunt, also disowned me for supposedly being a lesbian, but my aunt, who owned the house, kicked her out of the house. From that day on, my aunt and her husband (who at that time was just her boyfriend) took care of me like if I were their daughter, when I turned 15 my uncles legally adopted me, they paid for my university and also during all that time they made me go to the psychologist. I must say that all this affected me too much but the love they gave me helped me a lot, for me they are my parents and not my uncles. Now when my "relatives" found out that I was going to marry a man, they came to apologize to me and I accepted his apology, even so I did not want to continue in contact with them. But they believed that with the apology they were more than invited to my wedding, and two weeks ago my mother and my grandmother came to my dress fitting, I was totally outraged, they had not been invited and I kicked them out of the place, They were outraged and they started insulting me and my husband. I told them that I didn't want them in my life, that I only excused them for mental health reasons but they were nothing of mine anymore. Despite all that, three days ago one of my dad's cousins called me asking about the dress code and if she accepted children, I told her that she, like all the members of that family, were not invited, she was outraged and a few minutes later he called me "my father" asking who he was going to turn me in for, I answered that my father (my uncle) would do it and he called me in a thousand ways, I simply cut off the call. Now am I really that bad? My mom tells me that if I don't want those people at my wedding she supports me, but my mother-in-law says that family is family no matter what has happened. &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **AdDangerous1243:** You are doing the right thing. These people are trash. Sure, they apologized to you, but they STILL feel it was appropriate to disown you and treat you like shit because they're homophobic monsters. If you WERE gay, they would still be treating you that way. They are bad people and they do not deserve your pity, much less your concern. Let them die mad. Have your aunt send out a blast text to the whole family telling them they are NOT invited, and that there will be security at the venue to prevent anyone without an invite from getting in. They don't get to pretend they view you as family when they have spent years making sure you knew exactly how little they thought of you. Tell your FMIL that her family is not your family. "No matter what" is an insane thing to say about people who abused you. Make sure she understands that this is a hill you will die on, and that your abusers (make sure you use that word) are not going to be allowed to force their way into your life no matter who they share genes with. If FMIL hasn't experienced abuse, she has no business speaking to your situation. >**OP:** Until today, my mother-in-law did not know my real history with them, because I did not think it was necessary, but I did it because my aunt (mother) told me that it would be good for her to know my reasons. It was a horrible thing for her to know and now she is totally okay with them coming back into my life. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/184abu7/update_aitah_for_not_inviting_my_parents_to_my/) - **Nov 26, 2023** It's been almost a month since my post and I wanted to tell you about some things that have happened. I told my mother-in-law everything that "my family" did to me in the past. At first she seemed understanding but then my partner discovered that she was still talking to "my parents" and decided to cut ties with her mother, she warned her that if she continued with his attitude would never know his grandchildren, he also told him that the only way for him to be part of our lives again is for him to apologize to me and my parents. He also told his father and brothers that if they tried to intervene between his mother , my ex-family and us, they too would be expelled from our lives and the lives of our future children. One of the things I didn't mention was the topic of my father and my sister, it turns out that some time after he decided he couldn't take care of me and accepted that my aunt did it, "my father" returned to "my mother" and they had child. My sister, for her part, always believed that I lived with my father and I, for my part, always believed that my sister had a better life, but I found out everything that she had suffered, my ex-family mistreated her day and night, she was practically kidnapped and couldn't even use the phone or social networks, even though she is now of age. When we found out about all this we decided to go for my sister, I must say that it was not the best way, but we followed her until we found her university, there we approached her and asked her to accompany us, she was very happy to see us and accompany us. Together we unburdened ourselves about everything, we apologized and told each other everything, we were both victims of our parents. Now my uncles are fighting for custody of my little brother, with my sister's testimony and mine we hope to achieve it, and we are also taking my sister to therapy to help her a little with all the trauma. Because of my wedding, we decided to bring everything forward and have a small wedding, only my parents, my brothers (my uncles have more children), a few friends, and my boyfriend's father and brother were there. We didn't tell anyone, so we had no surprise visitors. Thank you for your advice and support &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

Aitah for not inviting my parents to my wedding and anyone from that family?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/189m491/aitah_for_not_inviting_my_parents_to_my_wedding/

189m4x5

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/rumblinger **AITA for exposing my abusive ex girlfriend to her fiance?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **Thanks to u/czechtheboxes for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional abuse and manipulation, stalking, harassment, body shaming!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/TVz4oAxxbU) **Nov 26,2023** Throwaway account. I (26M) dated my ex girlfriend in high school when we were both 16. I had a crush on her since second grade so when she finally agreed to go out with me in High School I was over the moon. Unfortunately our relationship was a nightmare. I quickly realised she has low self esteem, constantly asked for reassurance from me about her looks and weight, and if I didn't tell her what she wanted to hear she would gaslight and manipulate me to make me feel guilty. I didn't realise at the time but after reading stuff online and listening to some podcasts I realised her behaviour was emotionally abusive. We dated for around one year and she ended up breaking up with me citing her mental health etc. etc. I never saw her after high school because we moved to different cities and also her social media accounts were set to private. Recently there was a high school reunion. I found out she would be there so I decided to go. She hadn't changed much, was still overweight. She said hi to me as if nothing had happened and proceeded to make small talk with me. It really bothered me that she was pretending nothing happened between us so I asked if we can talk privately. I told her about how I felt about the way she treated me and was abusive towards me when we were dating. She said something like she was going through a tough time with her self confidence and apologised for taking it out on me etc. etc. Said ever since she met her current partner she was feeling more confident about herself. She then told me they were engaged which also came as a shock to me. I asked her if she had told him about us and how she treated me when we were dating, she said she mentioned her past relationships to him but didn't share all the details. I told her she needs to tell him about how she was abusive to me so that he knows who he is marrying! At this point she made up some excuse and ran away from the conversation. I felt that the new partner should know what he's getting into. She is still overweight and has not made any effort to change or improve herself and probably has the same insecurities and I imagined how this man will have a terrible marriage. So after the party I used a friend's account to find her fiance and I sent him a message detailing the things she did when we were dating in high school. He responded with something like asking me to stop bothering them. It's been about a week since I did this and now I am getting bombarded with messages from high school friends calling me a creep and an a-hole. I don't understand how people can side with her when she was the one being abusive. And it is her responsibility to let her fiance know about this, I was doing what I felt was the right thing. I thought maybe they are reacting this was because they don't have the full story and the background about our relationship. So I wanted to post here. AITA? Or am I helping this poor man? Edit: OKAY! I was expecting my perspective would be divisive but didn't realise people would think it's that bad. Reading though all your comments is making me question myself. First of all, I don't have a problem with her weight I think she's cute. It may be true that I am hung up on her, she was my first and only long term girlfriend. And no, I am not an Andrew Tate fan, I just saw some videos of him and thought they were interesting, I don't know that much about him. I do think I deserved more from her than an apology, and I did always think we would end up together once she worked on herself. I feel very frustrated about how things turned out. I am against therapy so I won't do that. I might contact her again to see if she will talk to me, maybe that will bring more closure. Even though it was mostly negative, I still appreciate the comments. **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** **NOTE: VOTE WAS HEADING HEAVILY YTA** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Excellent_Magazine84** >How was she abusive? **OOP replied** >>For example we were both into anime, and for my birthday she bought me a poster of my favourite anime character at the time (Asuna from SOA). She then proceeded to ask me if I think she is prettier or Asuna. And when I didn't tell her what she wanted to hear she proceeded to cry. This is just one example but it was constantly stuff like this, asking reassurance about her looks and her weight and throwing a tantrum if I was honest with her. **CompetitiveApplePie** >>>Oh shit. I think you're the actual problem here. Try giving us more examples. **OOP replied** >>>>I don't think it was me, she had very high strung reactions. For example our first times with each other. I initially didn't want to do it but she asked me if it's because she is overweight that I'm not wanting to do it and got upset and cried because I rejected her. Then I felt pressured to do it with her. Or there was another time when she came to meet my parents. She was a vegetarian and my parents were not fond of vegetarians so she ate a soup they made then found out there was chicken in it and she yelled at me and my parents and left the house, it was very extreme emotions. Another time when we were playing a videogame together and she couldn't get past a level and when I called her stupid in a joking way she got upset and threw my controller on the sofa and left. * **SkulledDownunda** >Info why are you so stuck on the fact she's overweight? **OOP replied** >>I actually don't mind it I think she looks cute. It's just that when we were together she kept seeking reassurance about her weight. Said she has eating related issues and stuff. So always asked me do I look fat in this etc. So since she is still overweight she is probably doing the same to her fiance. * **Apart-Ad-6518** >So...You corner someone you dated years ago. She listens to you before stopping the conversation because it's going nowhere. >Then you harass her fiance & try to blow up her life. Jealous & bitter much?? >You repeatedly insult her weight. Reading your post, I don't see evidence of HER being abusive. >YTA. Bigtime. **OOP replied** >>Just want to clarify I don't have any issues with her being overweight, I think she looks very cute and beautiful. I only said that because when she broke up with me she said she wanted to work on her insecurities (a big part was her weight). She even said maybe it was not the right time for us to date because of how she feels about herself when breaking up with me. So I am surprised that she is still the same weight now and is going to marry someone. I don't see how she will treat him any differently. So that was the reason why I mentioned the weight not because I have issues with it. * **Northerntropicz** >YTA YTA YTA >Get over it, you’ve just proved to the world that you’re fixated on her. Is it possible she’s changed since high school? Is it none of your business? >You knew her then. Her fiancé knows her now. >And you know nothing about either of them anymore. >Get your nose out of their business. >You AH! **OOP replied** >>I agree she may have changed. I did keep track of her through common friends and was following where she was in life, I didn't know she was engaged this came as a big shock to me. I feel that I know her better than her fiance since I know her since we were eight and even though we didn't speak since high school I did get updates on her via mutual friends. I thought maybe if we tried again together as adults we can have a better relationship this time and if she apologised for being abusive and promised she will be better this time I was willing to give her another chance. But I don't see any evidence about her having changed so I wasn't sure. * **Otherwise_Minute_261** >What podcasts? Andrew Tate? Smh… YTA and YOU sound abusive **OOP** >>What's wrong with Andrew Tate? I think he is misunderstood. * **Mirewen15** >"What's wrong with Andrew Tate? I think he is misunderstood." >That's a wrap folks.  That's all we need to know about OP. **sevens-on-her-sleeve** >Filed with >"And it sounds like I don’t really have a chance with her at the moment." **OOP UPDATES THE SAME POST 5 HOURS LATER** Update: Just got done speaking to her. After the initial surge of comments here I decided to contact her. I got her info from a friend and messaged her, she agreed to talk to me. I apologised for having contacted her fiance and she said she accepts my apology. She said she is sorry about the things that happened in our relationship. She said she had therapy and now she has more confidence. She told me that she has been honest with her fiance about her life and past, and he is supportive to her. Overall she sounded in a better place. And it sounds like I don't really have a chance with her at the moment. We ended the conversation pretty amicably. I feel ok with where things are now. Reading all the comments were really hard but I don't have much control over how people interpret things so thanks I guess anyway for the comments. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for exposing my abusive ex girlfriend to her fiance?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

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189m5l3

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/naynay2908** **Grandparent won’t stop driving despite GP instructing her not to** **Originally posted to** r/LegalAdviceUK **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Dementia, possible brain injury!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/s/c5bQKHtVwJ)  **Oct 5, 2023** My grandmother is in the early stages of dementia. She gets lost on local journeys, gets her grandchildren muddled up. Yesterday her GP said she is not safe to drive but today she did a round trip of roughly 70 miles to see a relative, driving back in the dark. We have let the DVLA know, but it’s too soon for them to have processed it and made the official final assessment. Does anyone have any advice about other steps we can take? Can we report her to the police before the official DVLA decision is through? Is there a way to urgently raise it with the DVLA? ANYTHING we can do, short of hiding the car key?! We’ve told her that she’s not meant to, that her insurance is likely invalid now and that she’s putting other people at risk but she won’t listen. UPDATE: Thank you for all the advice! We have contacted her GP this morning to let her know that her instructions have been ignored. She is seeing my grandparents on Monday afternoon (I’ll update again after that). We tried to convince her not to drive until they’d seen the GP but didn’t get anywhere. We also contacted the DVLA to let them know what the doctor has said, and they’re going to contact my grandmother. She insists she is safe and everyone is making a fuss, but my cousin commented that she got lost on a very local journey (home to local train station, less than five minutes). I’m hoping they won’t have a choice after Monday, although Grannie is convinced she can “argue her case”…. But I doubt she’ll change the GPs mind. One of us is going with them to the appt so we know exactly what is said. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/s/2g2eFejKBS)  **Oct 9, 2023** My dad went to the GP with my grandparents today. She has clearly and “officially” said that my grandmother CANNOT drive until she has had a full driving assessment (which she certainly won’t pass). My grandfather can continue to drive until his assessment. My grandmother is absolutely furious. Says the family has been talking behind her back, ganged up on her and made a “mountain out of a molehill”. Says we are confining her to the house and stopping her from going anywhere. But she does seem to have accepted that she cannot drive anymore. Hopefully, in time she’ll adapt to it but we’ll see… Thank you so much for all the advice! It’s also been a big help to know it’s not just us who has faced this sort of situation. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/s/N9e5WW3kNg)  **Nov 23, 2023** Well, we just found out that my grandmother has in fact ignored the GP and continued to drive, despite being told to stop until she has a full assessment. She accidentally let slip yesterday that she’s driven to the shops, pharmacy and doctor. Her memory is continuing to deteriorate and she’s becoming increasingly paranoid and angry. I suspect she has guessed that I spoke to her doctor and the DVLA, because she’s now not speaking to me. I sent some flowers as a peace offering but haven’t heard anything from her. Aside from contacting the police, are there any other legal mechanisms/processes we can use to make sure she doesn’t drive? She’s putting herself and others at risk, and of course her insurance is void as well so it’s illegal for her to be driving. [Update 3 - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/182lltn/update_3_grandmother_wont_stop_driving/)  **Nov 24, 2023** Previous post summary: grandmother with dementia was told to stop driving by her GP. She ignored the GP and carried on, which culminated me contacting the police because she wouldn’t listen to anyone else. So, the police visited her today, within 20 hours of the report being made. They offered “strong words of advice”. My understanding is that they clearly laid out the law and told her that she could be arrested if she carries on. Her insurance is void because of the GP order, it is illegal for her to drive anywhere. Myself and other family members have agreed that if she does it again, we will contact the police immediately. I would be very very suprised if she does ignore the police, but never say never. She remains convinced she can pass the advanced driving test, although I wonder if subconsciously she doesn’t believe that because she hasn’t rushed to book it. She is still angry and trying to figure out who spoke to the GP/DVLA/police. I suspect she has figured out it was me, but I’d rather she’s annoyed with me and not driving over her risking killing herself or someone else through dangerous driving. As things stand, we haven’t taken the car keys as some suggested. My grandfather can still drive, although he has also been told he needs to sit the same test and I suspect he won’t pass either. Having said that, if Grannie does try to drive again then I think it’s likely the car will stop working or multiple tyres will get punctures. Thank you so much to everyone who’s offered advice. It was a relief to know we’re not alone in facing situations like this. [Final update](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/s/1I97dpvhx5)  **Nov 26, 2023** We found out that my grandmother had continued to drive, despite claiming she had stopped after the GP had told her to due to a dementia diagnosis. She let slip that she had driven multiple times. After taking advice from several people, I contacted the police. The neighbourhood policing team visited them within 24 hours and clearly explained that she cannot drive, that is is illegal and her insurance is not valid. She claimed that she hadn’t driven… we’re not sure if she deliberately lied or had genuinely forgotten due to the dementia. But either way, she is now clear that she cannot drive or she risks being prosecuted. Things developed unexpectedly after my grandfather had a couple of falls. Initially they insisted he was fine, but then admitted he’d bit his head and hurt his hip. We were concerned so the GP sent a paramedic out. Originally, Grannie told us she said Grandad was fine. When the paramedic called us, she said he needed to go to hospital at once and she was 100% right because it turns out Grandad has two brain bleeds. As Grandad is in hospital and Grannie can’t drive, my dad took both sets of car keys. As he said to Grannie, given that she’s not going to drive, she doesn’t need to have them. So the problem is sorted, as we have no plans to give them back unless Grandad can drive again and he certainly won’t be driving anytime soon. And she cannot rent a car because of her age, so we are certain she will not drive again. Thank you for all the support and advice. Apart from anything, it’s been a huge relief to know it’s not just us who have struggled with this situation. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Grandparent won’t stop driving despite GP instructing her not to

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18actnd

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/ThrowRAsisterseye **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice and r/AITAH **My, 28f, fiancee 29m, wants me to put his family before mine, even at the expense of my families health.** Trigger Warnings: >!medical surgery, controlling behavior, attempted extortion, verbal abuse, possible stalking mentions physical abuse of a child, misogyny, emotional abuse and manipulation!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17gadiv/my_28f_fiancee_29m_wants_me_to_put_his_family/?share_id=SsbiA485nGtmgbqA_BxdH&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Oct 25, 2023** Throwaway as my work friends are on my main and they dont know this is foing on. Also, obligatory that this is on mobile so spelling and grammar will be poo. This is a long one, but I'll try and keep it as short as possible. I, 28f got engaged to my partner of 7 years R, 29m in May. Both sides of our family were really happy about this and we had a big family meal 2 weeks after getting engaged. His brother lives 250 miles away and couldn't get here for that meal so we decided to have a meal just for his family in late June when his brother would be back for the weekend, this weekend was arranged long before we got engaged so he wasn't back just for the meal. Earlier this year my sister K 32f, got a serious eye infection that very quickly turned into an Ulcer, which scarred her cornea and left it at a high risk of a perforation. She needed a corneal graft, but her surgeon was away for 4 weeks so she was going to have to wait until he got back to have it. However, her eye didn't hold and it perforated the day I was supposed to be going to the family meal with Rs brother. K's wife was at work and had her phone turned off and our mum was away with our step dad, so when K called me to let me know what was happening I knew she would be at the hospital on her own. I immediately talked to my boss and he let me go early so K wasn't on her own. I text R to let him know what was going on and he text me back to send K his love and to remind me about the meal that night. I ignored the comment about the meal as it was the last thing on my mind. Once I got to the hospitaI, I was taken back into a room where K was, to be greeted by 3 doctors and 2 nurses rushing around trying to help K. I was then informed that she needed to have an emergency operation to have her eye glued or else she would lose it. The problem was that they didn't have a surgeon at that hospitaI that could do it and she needed to go to another hospital and hour and a half away. They asked if she would need transportation or if I could take her, I said I would take her. Once we got to the other hospitaI we were told that she would be having the operation at 5:30pm. I knew then that I wouldn't make the dinner and text R to let him know. He flipped out and basically told me to leave K at the hospital and have her wife pick her up after the op was done, at this point I still hadn't be able to get ahold of K's wife. I told him that wasn't going to happen and that he was out of order to even ask me to do that. I then text his mum and told her what was going on. She was really supportive and told me to stay with K and let her know how the op goes. A dinner can be rescheduled, K's health can't. I also spoke with his brother who was equally as understanding. I stayed with K, her operation was a sucess and I got her back home about 9pm. Her wife had ordered some Chinese and offered me some, which I happily accepted as I hadn't eaten since lunch. With that I didn't get home till about 11pm ans R was already asleep. R was very short with me for days after and we eneded up having a huge fight where he told me that I should have put his brother and family before K. He said he was embarrassed going to the meal without me. I responded that I was embarrassed he though I would put a meal before my sisters health. This led to another week of awkwardness between us before we finally sat down and we sorted it out, or so I thought. 8 weeks ago K got her graft and so far everything is going really well with it. On Saturday his brother was here so we went out for dinner with his family. His family were all asking about how K was doing and I showed them a picture of the stitches in her eye. I thought that everything had gone really well untill we got home and he got really angry saying that I shouldn't have brought up K's health issues and I shouldn't have shown them the picture. I argued that they'd asked about her and asked to see the picture. It ended with him telling me that I needed to put him and his family before K or else we weren't going to work. His family will come before mine once we are married so I should get used to it. I went upstairs and packed a bag. I'm now at my mums house and he's been bombarding me with text and calls since I left. I do love him, but I will never put his family above my own families health. I feel like he's expecting me to spend every holiday with his family and put their wants above my familes needs, which won't happen. I'm very close to my sister and my mum, that's not going to change. So I don't really know how to move forward or if I even want to Has anyone experience anything like this before? If so, how did you deal with it? TLDR; My fiancee got mad that I missed a dinner with his family because my sister needed emergency surgery and I was the only one available to take her. He is now insisting that I put his family before my own. I dont know how to move forward with him. --- Edit; For some reason it won't let me do a full Update post even on my own page so I'm just going to add it to here. Thank you so much for everyone that commented, I replied to as many as I could but I read all of them. Warning, this is going to be longer than the original post, alot has happened. Tldr; For thoes that just want a quick update, I left him and he's out of my house. His mum is seriously pissed at him and his brother has gone no contact with him for the foreseeable future. For thoes that want a longer version. Once I'd decided to end things with him, I knew that the main issue would be getting him out of my house. I own the house outright, my grandma died 5 years ago and left her house to my mum, who sold it and split the money between me and my sister. I then bought my house with that money about a year after she died. I got intouch with my stepdads friend, who is a landlord the day after I wrote my original post, who then put me intouch with his solicitor. He didn't have time to see me in person that day, but we did have a phone call where he gave me my options. In the UK we have something called a section 8 notice. This is a 14 day eviction notice and the solicitor said this would be the quickest way to get him out, however he could try and contest it if he wanted too which would lead to court dates and could take months. I asked him to draw up the notice and date it for Friday, the next day. I'd already made the decision to end things with him after work on Friday, so that he could have the weekend to sort through his emotions before work on Monday. On Friday morning I text R and asked him to meet with me at our local pub after work. He quickly agreed. Not only is the pub a public space, but my stepdad and a few of his work friends go in there every Friday after work for a few pints so I knew he would be there to step in if I needed him. Thank you for suggesting this redditors. I also picked up the eviction notice on my lunch break so I was ready to give it to him. Cost £250 but was worth it. When I got to the pub, R was already there and my stepdad was stood at the bar with his work mates. I sat down with R and got straight to the point. I told him that it was over, I couldn't be with someone who didn't give me any support when I was going through one of the scariest moments of my life and expected me to drop my family for his. It didn't matter what excuses he could come up with, I wasn't interested, I'd made up my mind and we were done. He stared at me in shock for what felt like and hour, but was probably only a minute or so. He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. I need someone who's will support me when times get tough, not get annoyed that the world isn't bowing down to what he wants. I then handed him an envelope with the eviction notice in and my engagement ring. I told him I was giving him a few weeks to find a place and be out of my house. Then I stood up and walked over to my stepdad, who had bought me a much needed drink and stayed with him until my ex left still looking in shock. I knew he wouldn't approach me whilst I was with my stepdad as he has always been a little scared of him. This is obviously a very condensed version of what happened. Once I got back to my mum's house, I had a 1 single text from him saying he wasn't moving out and was going to contest the eviction until I'd come to my senses and got back with him. WE ARE NOT OVER, was how he ended the text. I just turned my phone off and decided to deal with the legal side of things on Monday, there was nothing else I could do. Saturday morning I woke up and turned my phone back on and had another text from him saying that he would move out if I paid him £10,000 as that's what he'd paid towards bills whilst he had lived at the house. He paid for half the electric, gas, WiFi and Sky package. Note, the sky package is only as expensive as it is because he has to have every sports channel known to man, so his half literally just paid for the sports channel's. I'd already asked the solicitor about this though and he'd assured me that I didn't owe him any money as he hadn't contributed to a mortgage or any renovations of the house, it was just general expenses. He also knew that I dont have £10,000 just lying around. Lets say I was irritated by this and decided to ring his mum to see if she could talk some sense into him. I'll call his mum S to make it easier. She was appalled by what I told her and said she would speak to him. She called me back about an hour later and asked me to meet her at the house. R was on an away day to watch his football team play and wouldn't be back till about 10pm so I knew he wasn't there. I met her at the house with K, and S said that R's brother was on his way back home and they would have R out by the following afternoon. She hadn't even spoken to R, just his brother, but she promised he would be out. S then asked me to walked her through the house showing her exactly what was his and what wasnt so he didn't take anything that didnt belong to him. The next morning I got a text from R calling me all the names under the sun for getting his mum and brother involved. I blocked him and a couple of hours later S text me to let me know he was out and staying with her. I thanked her and she told me that she would like to stay in contact and I happily agreed to this. I went back to my house after work on Monday, changed the alarm code and my stepdad changed all the locks for me. My stepdad is also arranging for a friend of his to install cameras around the outside of the house, this will be done over the weekend. S rang me on Tuesday asking if we could meet up as she had some things she wanted me to know. So we met for lunch that day. It was at this time that she told me her ex was a controlling ahole who was incredibly selfish and the selfishness was what she had seen in R for so long. Thats why she had commented on him being like his father, but she had hoped that was the extent of R's attitude and he hadnt picked up his dad's controlling behaviour, which to be fair, he hadnt up until this whole episode. She had left R's dad after he had punched R's brother in the face when he was 14 and R was 10. He had never layed a hand on her or their sons before, but one time was enough and she left with the boys. To her knowledge her ex had never reached out to speak to R or his brother and they hadn't spoken to their father in years. I didn't know any of this, all I had been told was that their dad wasnt in the picture and hadn't been for a long time, but S had thought I knew and that's why she hadn't told me before. However she had found out on Sunday night that R was back in contact with his father and had been for the past year. His dad had been putting lots of thoughts into R's head about how he is the man of the house and his family is all that matters. This had fed into R's selfish tendencies and had amplified them ten fold. S said that she had told him to find somewhere else to stay asap as she couldn't even look him in the face. Then R and his brother had a huge argument that ended with his brother telling him that as long as R is intouch with their dad, then he will have zero contact with him. Even going so far as to tell him to spend Christmas with their dad because S is going to his house and R isn't welcome. When S took R's brothers side in all this, R flew into a rage and said he would move in with his dad. He then left the house, but came back a couple of hours later looking like hed been crying. Turns out, that his dad doesnt want him living with him and basically said he could be on the streets for all he cares, he's not putting a roof over a grown man's head. S thinks that R is now starting to realise everything he has lost due to him listening to his dad and has seen his dad's true colours. S is incredibly disappointed in him, but he's her son so she is trying to be there for him as best as she can, however she still wants him out as she doesn't trust him anymore. His brother still won't have anything to do with him. She has also told him to stay the hell away from me as I don't need to be brought into this and he has promised her that he will. Only time will tell if that's true, but I do have him blocked on everything and if he turns upto the house I will just call the police to get rid of him. The more S told me about what had been going ok behind my back, the more resolute I have become about wanting nothing to do with him. I never want to see him again, if I can help it. So all in all R's life is a shit show, but as long as he stays away from me then I don't care. I've been spending alot of time with my sister and her wife as well and my mum and stepdad which has been great. I've never really been close to my stepdad, but this has brought us alot closer together which has been one huge positive out of all this. I'm not exactly happy right now, but I'll get there. There's still alot of feelings that I need to unpackand it will take time to move on from this whole situation. I dont think I will be dating for a while, I need to really get over all this and don't want to dump this on anyone else right now. For all thoes asking how K is doing, she's doing great. Had a hospital appointment on Monday and her consultant said her eye is healing, in his words, marvelously, so that's a relief. Thank you to everyone that reached out to me. I hope there won't be any need to update this again, so this should be my final update. &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **BriefHorror:** You did exactly what you should I'm revolted by his behavior and you should call his mother and tell her what he said and why you're cancelling the wedding. Lost deposit costs are less than what divorce costs. >**OP:** We haven't booked anything yet for the wedding. So that isn't an issue. The only issue would be a pain would be the house, as it's in my name, but with him loving there for so long, I may have to pay him off. I'm not 100% sure how that would work, though. &nbsp; [For telling my ex that it's not my fault that he's homeless.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/184gwr6/for_telling_my_ex_that_its_not_my_fault_that_hes/) - **Nov 26, 2023** So I 28f posted on relationship advice before about my now ex 29m. The post and update is in my profile, but basically my ex fiance wanted me to put his family before mine even at the cost of my sisters health. I ended up breaking up with him over it and he was forced to move in with his mum, who then found out that he had been intouch with his abusive dad who was twisting his view on how a relationship should work. Last I heard was that his mum was kicking him out as she would not have anyone in her house that was in contact with her ex and that he had tried to go live with his dad, but his dad had refused. I was completely NC with him, so his mum was the one that had told me this. I'll call my ex R and exs mum S to make things easier. I hadn't heard from R in weeks, but yesterday he showed up at my house. I had the chain on my door so opened it with that still attached, no way would I let him in. He basically told me that he had no where to live. His mum isn't speaking to him and his dad won't put a roof over a grown man's head, his words not mine. He asked if I would take him back or at least let him live with me. No way in hell would I get back with him and getting him out the first time only went easy because his mum stepped in to help. He had threatened to take me to court knowing that if he did it could take months to get him out and then said he would only move if I gave him £10,000. I contacted his mum, who was furious about that and she turned up with his brother and forced him out. I told him that there was zero possibility of him ever living with me again and that we were 100% over. He started shouting at me and calling me all sorts of names, so I threatened to call the police if he didn't leave and shut the door. I have cameras all over my house so I caught everything he did and said on camera and have saved it to a USB just incase. He then went crying to all our mutual friends and it managed to get back to his mum. She called me and asked what happened, I told her and she then informed me that she had put her house up for sale and was moving 300 miles away to be nearer her other son. Her and R had a huge argument about this and she finally kicked him out. Since then he's been couch surfing, but with Christmas coming up, his friends aren't really happy with having him on their couches when they have kids and are meant to be enjoying the festive season. He's been kicked out of 3 friends houses in 10 days. She told me I was right to refuse him, but I've since had other friends say that they feel sorry for them, and that I can just let him stay in my spare room until he's back on his feet. I then asked them to put him up, but they said they would but don't have room and if they had a spare room like me then they would let him stay. My family and his are on my side, but I'm starting to doubt myself with what a couple of my friends have said. So Reddit, AITA? EDIT; Just a quick edit as I'm going to bed. I've just spoken with the wife of one of R's friends and she's asked to meet me on my lunch break tomorrow. Apparently, R stayed with them for 2 nights before she kicked him out and there's more going on than what I know of. She's going to tell me the full story tomorrow, but told me that I shouldn't let him anywhere near me and that he's staying in a b&b so he does at least have a roof over his head right now. I'll try and update after I've spoken to her. &nbsp; **professorfunkenpunk:** I think it’s telling that nobody in his family wants to deal with him. That’s a pretty good sign you shouldn’t either. NTA >**OP:** He was really close to his family until a few months ago. His dad was abusive to his mum and brother so they refuse to have anything to do with him or anyone that's in contact with him. Since they found out that R is back in contact with him, they've basically shut him out. I get the feeling that he's starting to turn into his dad and that's something that his family refuse to have around them. His brother has gone full no contact with him. Its Rs own fault at the end of the day, so I have very little sympathy for him in that regard. **Chemical-Scarcity964:** NTA. You are lucky you got out when you did. File for a restraining order (not sure if it's called the same in the UK) as soon as possible. >**OP:** Restraining orders here are ridiculously hard to get. There usually has to be violence involved for one to be issued. I am going to make sure I log everything from now on though. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18578yh/update_for_telling_my_ex_that_its_not_my_fault/) - **Nov 27, 2023** So I posted yesterday about my ex turning up at my house wanting for me to let him move back in with me. I said no, but a couple of friends thought I should let him and that messed with my head. R is my ex. A few people told me to change my lock etc. I did that and changed my alarm code as well as my step dad got his friend to put up 4 cameras around my house. I'm also going to start shutting the gate so that no one can walk upto the house without ringing the bell there first. I put in an Edit that I was going to me meeting with one of Rs friends wives, for lunch today and I have to say that it was informative for sure. I'll call her N, 30f and her husband Z, 29m. So I went to meet her on my lunch break at a cafe near my work. It's a place that alot of my coworkers go to and I know the staff there as well. A few redditors thought that she might bring R with her so I wanted it to be somewhere I feel comfortable and have back up if needed. Turns out that I didn't need to bother about that. When I got to the Cafe N was there on her own. I grabbed some lunch and a drink and sat with her. We went throught the usual small talk before she started telling me what had been going on. R rang Z on Thursday morning saying he had no where to go and could he stay with them for a few days. Z spoke to N and they agree he could stay in their guest room. R went to their house after work and they had a long talk where R told them he has a flat lined up, but can't move in till January. Z and N agreed to let him live with them untill January as long as he followed some basic rules and paid for his own food. The rules were things like, no bringing women back there and if he went out drinking he had to be quiet when he got back so he didn't wake their daughter who's 6. He agreed to all this and paid for a Chinese for them all that night. The next day after work R went to meet his dad in the pub for a few pints. When Z and N went to bed R still wasn't home. They were woken up at about 2 in the morning by R arguing with a woman. Apparently, R had met this woman in a bar, took her back to Z and N house, got his pleasure and then told her to get dressed and fuck off once he was done. She had gotten angry, which started an argument where R was saying some horrific shit to her. N took the woman down stairs and got her a taxi, whilst Z stayed upstairs arguing with R. Once N had got rid of the woman she went back upstairs and tried to calm Z and R down. At this point R decided to take out his frustrations on N, calling her a bitch and telling her to do something useful and make him a sandwich before bursting out laughing like he'd made he funniest joke ever. This made Z lost it and pinned R to the wall by his throat. Side note, R isn't a fighter at all where as Z was a amateur boxer in his youth and can handle himself well. N managed to get Z to let him go and R was shoved in the guest room and told to sleep off he alcohol. Its a miracle that Ns daughter didn't wake up during this. The next morning N got their daughter ready and went to her mums after telling Z to get R out of their house. Z agreed and after N left he woke R up and told him to pack his shit and leave. R tried to apologise and begged to stay but Z was having none of it and kicked him out. Going off the timing, I think he left there and came straight to my house. On Sunday Z text R to meet up so that they could speak and they met up in a pub. Z has been friends with R since they were 11 and has never seen him act like he has been doing so he wanted to find out what was really going on. He managed to finally get the truth out of R. Basically, R has been in contact with his dad for a lot longer than he told us, by this point its over 2 years. His dad is a raging misogynist that believes a woman's place is in the kitchen and bedroom. A man's place is to rule the house and be waited on hand a foot as well as deciding who can ans can't be in their lives. He's been dripping this poison into Rs ear and it's really taken a hold of him. Z told N that he just doesn't recognise R anymore. R wants to start living his life the way his father has told him he should. When Z pointed out that Rs dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since Rs mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him, R was furious. He told Z that his dad is just misunderstood. Z responded that people understood his dad and that's why they stayed away from him, he's Toxic. This pretty much ended their conversation and R left. Z did find out that R does have a flat lined up for January, so that was true and that he's found a b&b he can stay in till the flat is ready at a minimal cost. Z and N have also decided to go NC with R as they don't need that toxicity around them, but especially not around their daughter. A few redditors had said it sounded like R was on drugs, so I asked N what she thought and she doesn't think so but can't be sure. She and Z think that R is just so far under his dad's thumb now that he's completely changed as a person. He believes that everything his dad says is gospel. She did let me know that R has a burner IG account that he is using to check on my IG and I immediately made my account private. He had said something about seeing me waist money on a stupid amount of Christmas presents when I couldn't even help him out to Z on Sunday. I'd been to a Christmas Market on Saturday afternoon and had posted pics on IG. All of this just made my resolve stronger that he will not be getting anywhere near my house again. It also made me realise that I dont have any feeling for him any more other than frustration at how he's acting and some sadness at how far he's fallen from the man I once knew. I thought that hearing he had another woman in his bed would annoy me, but there was just nothing, I couldn't have cared less. I thanked N for the info and we agreed to keep intouch. We won't be as close as we were when I was with R but it feels good to have someone who knows the entire situation and has seen Rs behaviour with his own eyes. There were also some redditors that told me to ditch the friends that had told me to let him stay with me. Unfortunately, I can't ditch them completely as they're part of the friend group and that would just cause unnecessary drama, but I will be keeping my distance from them and only talking to them when part of the group. I'm currently at my sisters and we are going to watch a Christmas film to get us in the mood to decorate all our house's this weekend, so I will be on and off for the next few hours if anyone has any questions. Thanks for the votes and giving me some perspective. Reddit isn't all bad. &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **PuddleLilacAgain:** The misogyny and abuse probably runs in R's family. I wonder if on some level, the son adopts the ways of the father so he will be accepted and loved. R's father is probably not capable of love, so if the son acts horribly and is given praise for it, he might misinterpret it as love and finally figures he's getting his father's approval. Just a theory. Who knows what actually goes on in these sick families. Sad... >**OP:** I was talking about this to my sister before, and she said that she thinks he's behaving like he is to get some sort of validation from his dad. I knew that he missed having a dad growing up as we had talked about our shared experience of that, so you are probably right in this regard. I just know that one day he will wake up and realise everything he's lost because of his and his dads actions. > >I also don't think it helps that he wasn't abused by his dad, his mum and elder brother protected him from it, so his memories of his dad from his younger years are largely positive. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

My, 28f, fiancee 29m, wants me to put his family before mine, even at the expense of my families health.

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18actnd/my_28f_fiancee_29m_wants_me_to_put_his_family/

18acu11

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Whorible\_wife69](https://www.reddit.com/user/Whorible_wife69/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!hopeful?!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17wurfs/aita_for_not_cooking_thanksgiving_dinner_and/)**: November 16, 2023** I (27f) have solely been responsible for cooking Thanksgiving dinner for 20+ people for the last 8 years. I do all the shopping, cooking and setting up. Months before Thanksgiving I start looking at grocery prices and tweaking recipes to fit dietary restrictions(Caribbean family, vegans and pescatarians, meat eaters). I also make enough for the college aged kids to have left overs. I usually make 3 turkeys, 2 party pans of mac and cheese and a party pan of mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, collard greens, yams, mini seafood quiches, stuffed mushrooms, rolls and a salad from scratch. Plus all the desserts apple pie, sweet potato pie, cheesecake, homemade ice cream and breads also from scratch. I start making stocks and doughs Tuesday night. I bake my bread for stuffing and make my cheesecake and pies Wednesday after work. Cook all day Thursday so we can sit down and start eating at by 4 so my aunts who work the nights shift as nurses can enjoy. Every year people invite unexpected guest and it becomes 30+. I would be ok if it were plus ones but my mom invites her friends and their kids. My mom and aunt ask me to make additional turkeys and some sides for their units. I never feel appreciated for everything I do to make it special and accommodate everyone. This year I’m separated from my husband and I really don’t feel like bending over backwards cooking for people who don’t even leave me left overs to make a sandwich the next day. This year I’ve decided not to cook and just spend my day at the beach, the only bonus to living in. Florida. I was asked how much the adults should Zelle me for thanksgiving groceries at the beginning of the month and I told them I’m not cooking. Today I received a zelle from my uncle and when I returned it he asked why, I reminded him and the family group chat I wasn’t cooking. Now they want me to cancel my plans and cook. Am I the AH for not wanting to? EDIT: This is my favorite holiday but my separation has left me emotionally exhausted and without any passion to cook. **EDIT 2 (Same Post): November 17, 2023 (Next Day)** I don’t actually mind the cooking for my family, I look forward to it. The unexpected guest a little. The thing bothering me is that I expected to do this year is that I wanted to celebrate the only holiday I look forward to with my husband. I wanted to share the dishes that I love and scheduled chaos with him. I’m upset because I don’t get my husband. They may not understand it but I took on this holiday because I enjoyed it. ***Relevant Comments:*** *The fact that everyone relies on you for all food is insane and you should all bring dishes:* "It’s partially my fault since I’m neurotic when it comes to this particular holiday. I want traditional American food and they revert back to Caribbean roots" "When I first started it was just family and I that was 15 people now after a few marriages it’s 20 base that’s without the 3 leaving to work the night shift at hospitals. I genuinely enjoy it but with the stress of my separation I mentally do not have the fortitude to do it. A regular dinner for myself is hard enough to put together." "We rotate holidays. New Years and at aunt 1’s house, Easter and Christmas Eve at aunt 2’s house, 4th of July at aunt 3’s and Thanksgiving at mine." *How tf do you cook 3 turkeys? (Also OOP explains in a long comment* [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17wurfs/aita_for_not_cooking_thanksgiving_dinner_and/k9kgf2p/?context=3) *how she cooks everything down to exact times):* "Intervals. I start with a spatchcocked one early in the morning (for left overs). I start the whole one at 11am and pull it out at 3pm (for dinner and the table). For the third I break it down into 6 pieces (also use it for left overs) that one goes in when I pull the whole one." *More on the emotional toll this is taking on OOP:* "I’ve been going through a separation I’ve lost 30 lbs this year because I don’t have the passion I once had to cook nor an appetite. They’ve notice my lack of cooking and commented on it. I’m usually okay with cooking for that many but the emotional toll the separation has left me leaves little to no energy for anything but work and necessities." "I eloped last year and they don’t acknowledge the relationship being significant. I mentioned not cooking over the summer because I’d be with my husband but a in late October I was clear I wouldn’t cook and to make other arrangements." *How long have they known you're not cooking?* "I told them late October, I reminded them mid November and today when I received the money." *Delegate:* "tried delegating in 2021 after surgery and it was a mess even though I was in the kitchen showing them how to do simple things like grate cheese or pass the potato’s through a food mill. They have all the recipes and exact ingredients down to the brand but choose to substitute cheddar with velveta and ask why it doesn’t taste the same." *Someone says OOP's mom should cook this year and OOP's response made me spit out my drink:* "The last good thing my mom made was breast milk. She’s permanently banned from the kitchen due to almost fires and food poisoning instances." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/185nybc/update_aita_for_not_cooking_thanksgiving_dinner/)**: November 27, 2023 (11 days later)** Excuse typos currently enjoying the small 4 pack of Woodbridge wine while watching The Crown with my husband by his bedside, more on that later. I actually listened to you guys and I didn’t cook. The weather wasn’t the best so I didn’t end up at the beach but sat by the pool did some work and journaling. I enjoyed margarita’s by the pool and wine at dinner. I don’t know how I was able to drink all day and get everything done by 4pm. Dinner was late, we didn’t end up eating until 6pm so the people who worked that night just took to go plates, and couldn’t eat with us. My mom called a few times from the kitchen asking how to turn on the oven, make a pre-made ham and turkey. My aunt asked for the recipes that I previously emailed and asked if I could come over and supervise. I ignored the calls and texts. I did end up carving 2/3 turkeys ate and helped clean up and went back to bed. My moms friend ended up bringing herself and 6 other people, empty handed. The creepy family friend did the usual show up empty handed, eat, grab to-go plates and leave. My cousins were bummed they didn’t get left overs for finals, they were also shocked to see that their favorites weren’t made and it didn’t taste the same. No one took leftovers home besides my mom’s friends, they cleaned us out. I think they finally realized how much goes into it because my aunt complained that she had to go to multiple stores even though she was making 1/3 of the food. My mom ordered from the fresh market and that was ‘too much’. Thanksgiving day my husband and I spoke and had a great conversation about moving forward with the separation what it’s going to look like for us financially and a rough timeline of when we should be legally divorced. Saturday morning I get a call from my husband’s local hospital saying that he was got injured while running (he had a stress fracture that resulted in a complete break in multiple places and needed surgery). Since I’m legally still his wife and he has not updated his emergency contact I flew up and I am currently at his bedside hoping I can get his family out here to take over. He didn’t expect to wake up with me being there but was happy and thinks we should try counseling. All in all I’m emotionally drained. Working from his bedside. I should be able to take him back to our house tomorrow and get him set with his family and friends to take over. It’s been nice being in a cold city and seeing him after so long but I’m sure this marriage is over. Thanks for all the advice. My therapist actually told me I have to start putting my self first and this was a good first step ***Relevant Comments:*** *Anyone telling off the people who took leftovers?* "It's polite in my culture to send guest home with food/gifts. Even for a casual visit I've sent people home with something as little as a few plantain or a few pieces of fruit. We make so much because it is common for people to stop by unannounced for holidays. My creepy uncle has brought tubber ware or asked for left overs at formal events. He's a physician and I've seen him do it at fundraisers I've attended for work." *I hope you get some counseling and start putting yourself first:* "My called my therapist when I landed and she literally said ‘we just talked about this’ ‘why did you drop everything’ and I said I’m still his wife and he’d do it for me (which is true). My nail lady called me a dumb bitch and asked to pick up something from a store here we don’t have back home." *Why did you separate from your husband?* "Different religions, backgrounds and cultures. Honestly we care about each other but between communication issues and the fact that everything was rushed we never really got to know each other and after a few blow ups where both parties said or did something inexcusable it’s better for us to call it quits now before we truly despise each other. We’re back to a point where we can speak without attorneys and clearly I’m here caring for him, although sleeping in one of the guest rooms vs what uses to be our room. We just don’t want to go back to where we didn’t recognize ourselves or each other." *Just because you're his emergency contact doesn't mean you have to go to him:* "Yeah, but that still my husband. I personally felt like I had a moral obligation to be there until we could get his family state side. He needed surgery and I know how much medical situations freak him. Plus this also saved me the cost of shipping some of the items I still have here." *Would he do the same?* "He has done so recently as well. I was hospitalized for dehydration a few weeks ago when things were contentious and missed mediation because of it. He left a work trip to be by my side, even though it was minor. We don't hate each other we just don't work as a couple."

AITA for not cooking thanksgiving dinner and spending the day at the beach instead?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18acu11/aita_for_not_cooking_thanksgiving_dinner_and/

18acu3k

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/throwawaybfprankedme **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **My boyfriend and our circle of friends pranked me on my birthday and I ghosted them because of it.** **EDITOR’S NOTES: ADDED SPACES FOR READABILITY** Trigger Warnings: >!possible suicide, self-harm, mentions of infidelity, relationship sabotage, mentions outing w/o consent!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/18159rr/my_boyfriend_and_our_circle_of_friends_pranked_me/?share_id=XL8-rjoZOlbs5zrvoHjVU&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 22, 2023** Throwaway because my coworkers know about my main reddit account and I don't want them to know about this issue of mine. I (27M) met my (probably-soon-to-be-ex) boyfriend Aleks (29M) two years ago through a mutual friend of ours. I never expected he’d be interested in me because, when I first met him, he had only been with women. He came out as bisexual to me and our friends not too long after that, and that same night, he hinted that he was into me. We got to know each other more and it eventually turned into the two of us dating. He's genuinely a sweet and awesome guy, quite introverted but has a big heart and a real geek about the things he likes. I thought he'd be the one I would be marrying and all that, but I'm thinking that's not going to happen anymore. Last Monday was my birthday, and I went home early from work so that Aleks and I can go out and enjoy ourselves (I told him earlier that day that I would go home early). When I opened the door, I was greeted by him laying on our couch, while a woman I didn't know was on top of him (they were fully clothed btw). I was basically paralyzed and couldn't react at all. He eventually saw me and had a surprised look on his face, but he also looked like he was trying to hold his laugh in. The woman also looked like she was about to laugh as well. I also started to hear chatter from the kitchen and in our bedroom. Aleks then shouted "You guys can come out!" and so our friends came out of our bedroom and kitchen, holding gifts, party poppers, and a cake. I guess them shouting "It's a prank! Happy Birthday!" while turning the party poppers on snapped me back to reality because after they said that, I just quietly turned around and left. I didn't see their reactions when I did that, but I could hear them saying "Oh shit" and "Wait!" and some other things I can't remember. When I heard them try to follow me, I hastened my pace until I reached my car and drove away. While driving, my phone started to get bombarded by texts, calls, and messages from my boyfriend and our friends. When it got too distracting, I just turned off my phone and went to a hotel that's far enough from my place. By the time I got to my hotel room, I just started sobbing on the floor. I think I blacked out from crying because when I woke up, it was already sunny outside. I made sure to tell my team leader first that I would be absent for a few days due to an emergency, and she was kind enough to accept my request. She probably noticed something was off with me because I was sniffling and my voice sounded weak. Right now, I plan on telling my aunt who lives near my area about what happened and asking if I could live with her for a couple of days until I sort out my mind and know what I have to do next. I'm deeply heartbroken because I've told my bf and my friends before how I felt about cheating and how it essentially ruined my family growing up and my young mind back then (my mom cheated on my dad and it broke our family, and I got cheated on by my 1st boyfriend), but at the same time, I can't help but feel like I overreacted and that I should've just went with it all. I still don't plan on opening my phone, so I'm using my laptop right now to type this. I don't know how to face and respond to them all after all that has happened. Maybe some time away from them will help, I hope. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/185a8ta/update_i_finally_got_to_talk_to_my_friends_and_my/) - **Nov 27, 2023** Hi there. I'm sorry it took me a while to post an update, I've been busy and I also got back to working 2 days ago so I don't really have that much free time on me anymore. But before I get started with the actual update, I would like to thank everyone who has given me their advices and wisdom, along with those who wished me well and a belated happy birthday. You folks really made me feel happy even after all that has happened, I never thought internet strangers could be so kind (lol). Normally, I confide with my friends whenever I had a problem, but since they somehow became part of that problem, I thought maybe going here would be a good idea, and I guess it was. **Truly, thank you to all of you.** Although, even if almost all of you had nothing but great advice and nice things to say, there were some who were skeptical or were even harsh, specifically in the way I just ghosted my boyfriend and everyone at that "surprise party". Truth be told, I could've done something more mature as some would say, but really, in that moment, all I could think was remove myself from that situation because I wouldn't know what I would do if I fell back to my old self. Also, sorry for any typos, I wrote this all on my phone. **(If you want to go directly to the update, just scroll past this upcoming wall of text.)** For context, I found out my mom was cheating on my dad at 14 years old. I got home from school early and found that the house was empty. I went upstairs to go to my room, but as I got nearer to my parents' room, I heard these faint sounds of sex, and it didn't help that the door to the room was slightly opened. Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to take a peek inside, and there she was, my own mom cheating on my dad with his co-worker. I felt like I was going to be sick, like it was some sort of nightmare. I froze there for a few seconds before my dad's coworker noticed me and immediately alerted my mom that I was watching them. When my mom finally realized what happened, she started calling me out and tried to follow me, but I got to run to my room and locked it before she could catch me. My mom was frantically calling out my name and knocking hard on the door but all I could do was cry. The realization that the the person I was calling my mom wasn't the person I thought she was hit me like a ton of bricks because I used to adore my mom (she was always around while my dad was working full-time which made me resent my dad because he was never around). I remember hiding in my bedsheets and eventually falling asleep. I was woken up by my dad knocking on my door and calling me to come out. I had to comply of course, and when I opened my door, my father was standing in front of me, with my mom behind him. He gave me a tight hug and asked me about the guys who bullied me while I was walking home from school, and I was confused when he mentioned that, but then I saw my mom looking mad at me and basically telling me through her face that I should go along with it. As much as I hated it, I went along with it because I didn't want to hurt my dad. Since then, I've decided to fully ignore my mom unless it was for a chore or something important, and when I moved out at 18, I made sure to go NC on her and only talked to her when my dad wanted me to. My mom and dad eventually divorced after I moved out, turns out, he always knew but didn't want to do anything about it until I moved out because he didn't want me to live in a household riddled with arguments and stress brought upon by divorcing couples. It didn't really work but I appreciate my dad for still looking out after me even if he was hurting. Then, when I was 19, I got into my first ever relationship. We had a pretty nice start and we were each other's firsts. But, when I found out he was cheating on me, things got really ugly. I know this is not an excuse but I was young and didn't know how to handle that information when I got it, and knowing how much I hated cheating, I basically went crazy on him and turned to destroying his stuff, deleting all copies of his thesis, and even went as far as doing this insane Facebook rant where I exposed his cheating and posted pics of him and the guy he was cheating me with, and even mentioned his mom and dad in the post and outing him without his consent. I deleted the post just 2 days after, but the damage has already been done and my ex ended up moving away and living in another area because of my post. Obviously, I am thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed of what I've done, and I still regret doing all of that. When my aunt found out about what I did, she gave me a pretty stern scolding and insisted that I had to get checked by a psychiatrist because what I did isn't normal (and it's not) and I got diagnosed with severe depression and the doctor also said I had some unresolved trauma, which confused my aunt, but after telling her what happened 6 years ago, she fully understood why and gave me a tight hug and cried after spilling everything to her. She felt bad because she wasn't able to do anything to help me before and now is extremely mad at her sister (my mom) for doing all of that to me. Ever since then, my aunt has helped me get the therapy and meds that I needed, and essentially turned into my mother figure. My ex and I don't talk much these days but we have made amends and are are good terms now. Now that all of this stuff from my past has been finally laid out (for those wondering why I did what I did), **here's the actual update:** After I submitted my original post, I packed my things that night and prepared to go to my aunt's house, which wasn't that far but still a bit of a drive nonetheless. When I finally got there, she was incredibly welcoming and I thanked her for allowing me to stay in her house even just for a while. She gave me a tight hug and told me I was always welcome and that she will be there to help me when I need her to. She eventually lead me to the spare bedroom that they have in their house and helped me unpack my stuff. She is honestly such an incredible woman and I love her so much, she's basically the mom I've always wanted. Once I was done unpacking, I was again confronted by the fact that I haven't opened my phone for quite some time now. I've avoided it for so long that I didn't think I could open it again, but I knew I had to. The moment my phone booted up, hundreds upon hundreds of texts, chats, and missed calls popped up on my screen. Even if I was still hesitant, I decided to open my chats and looked at our friend group's group chat first. The chats from the start were all very frantic in nature, with my friends asking about where I was or what happened. But after scrolling down a few more times, the chats turned into them apologizing that the prank happened and that it was not on the plan at all. One of my friends even blamed the girl that was on top of Aleks (my bf) and thought she was untrustworthy. Finally, the chats ended up being them hoping they could contact me and wishing I was safe. I guess they knew I just read their chats because as soon as I was done backreading, my friends immediately knew I was online and asked how I was doing and where I was. They also started apologizing again for not being able to stop the prank from happening and that they didn't know that was gonna happen and thought the original prank was going to be something else. At this point, I was thoroughly confused because they seemed happy enough to be there during that night, but I knew I had to apologize to them first for ghosting them and asking their side of the story first before speaking about what had happened: Essentially, they were simply planning a surprise birthday party for me with Aleks in a group chat that didn't include me. Then, my bf added a few more people into the group chat, saying that they were college friends of his and he wanted them to be a part of the surprise party too since they also wanted to meet and get to know me better. As a suggestion, one of my boyfriend's college friends pitched the idea of them pranking me. The plan was my bf is going to be on the couch with a "serial killer" holding a bloody knife and fake-stabbing my bf while the killer was on top of him and while my bf is bleeding everywhere. My bf's college friends thought it would be funny to see my reaction, although my friends were initially skeptical. They reassured them that it would be harmless fun and that once my bf and the friend who'll be acting as the killer got their desired reaction on camera, they can just tell me that it was all a prank and my friends and my bf's other college friends would come out and surprise me with their gifts and stuff. My friends eventually agreed so as long as they don't drag out the prank and immediately reveal everything once they captured my reaction on camera. The day of my birthday comes and everything they've planned seems to be going smoothly, with them waiting for me. My bf's college friends ushered everyone to hide while they set up the prank, and when it was done, they would hide too. When they finally heard my bf say they can come out, they thought the prank was a success because I looked absolutely mortified, but they knew something was up when even after the prank was revealed, I was still looking shocked and almost teary-eyed even, until I finally turned around and left. They were understandably shook and confused, thinking the serial killer prank was too much, but knowing me, I wouldn't have minded it at all since I love scary movies and an avid horror enjoyer. That was then they realized that my bf's female college friend was on top of my bf, not wearing any serial killer costume and not holding any fake bloody knife. They then saw my bf pushing his female college friend away from him and chasing after me. Some of them also tried to follow me, while some were asking what happened to the original plan. Even my bf's other college friends were wondering why their female friend wasn't in costume, but she was just silent. After a few minutes, my bf came back to our apartment looking distraught and crying. He then tells everyone that they should all go and proceeds to go to our bedroom. They wanted to ask him what happened but he shut the door before they could. His female college friend then followed him inside which really weirded them out, but after a while, they hear my bf shouting at her, telling her to fuck off. She then goes out the door on the verge of tears and leaves the apartment. They said everything happened so fast that they didn't know how to process all that has happened. Not too long after that though, they realized that I was missing and started calling and texting me, but I didn't respond to any of them. Eventually, I was unreachable (I turned off my phone) and decided they should just go home and wait for me to respond. My bf's college friends apologized profusely to what has happened and didn't mean for any of this to happen, but they basically just ignored them. They then followed their retelling of their side with videos that they've recoded that proved their accounts, along with an apology and wishing that I was doing well. After my friends told me what happened on their point-of-view, I felt really terrible and apologized again for ghosting them and telling them that everything that happened was none of their fault. I told them that I would make it up to them soon, but they reassured me that they accept my apology and are just happy that I'm alive and well. They also pitched to have a late birthday celebration with me this weekend, and my boyfriend and his friends aren't included this time. I of course happily agreed and thanked them for being such great friends and that I really couldn't thank them enough for being such an awesome bunch of people. The morning of the next day, my aunt knocks on my door and wakes me up, telling me that I have a visitor downstairs. She looked a bit mad, so I can already tell who it was. It was my boyfriend Aleks, carrying this beautiful bouquet of flowers and my favorite chocolates with him. Even if he looked amazing, his face was the complete opposite because he looked like he was crying for days. I asked him how he found out about where I was and told me that once I turned on my phone again, an app on my phone that we both have notified him of my whereabouts (it's basically an app that allows you and your trusted friends to share your locations in real-time as long as you have an internet connection and your locations is on). I was a bit frustrated that he actually came here to my aunt's house, but nevertheless, he was already there, so might as well just hear him out on what he had to say. He basically reiterated what my friends told me, but he added in some more details that my friends didn't know about. Apparently, his old college friends reconnected with him after he lost touch with them after they graduated. They found his Facebook account through some searching and wanted to ask him about his life after all these years. They were especially happy when he told them that he currently has a boyfriend because they secretly knew he was bisexual but didn't want to make assumptions or make him feel weird about it. Aleks eventually tells them about me, and he mentions that him and our friends are planning a secret birthday surprise for me and they immediately wanted to be a part of it. After they were added to the group chat, they started suggesting ideas on how to make the surprise much more fun, until their female friend, we'll call her Anna, suggested that they do a prank to surprise me. Aleks's college friends were immediately on board because they saw TikToks of it and they thought it was really funny, but my friends were obviously skeptical. Eventually, they agreed what the prank is going to be and that the prank wouldn't take too long. Anna volunteered to be the "serial killer" since it was her idea, and they all went and did their parts of the surprise so that everything would be ready when my birthday comes. The day of the surprise party comes, and everyone prepares for my arrival. When Anna and Aleks went into their assigned positions for the prank, he wondered why she still wasn't in her costume and that her props was missing, but all she could reply was that she forgot. Aleks offers to find the costume and props but Anna insists that there's no more time and that I was going to arrive soon. Aleks at this point was extremely uncomfortable and wanted to get out of their position, but before he could do it, I've already opened the door and saw them. He admits that he fucked up by laughing a bit at my reaction because it was exactly the reaction he thought I was going to make but immediately realized what it looked like and called everyone to come out to save himself from the embarrassment and give context to what I was seeing. When he realized that that didn't work, he forcefully pushed Anna away to chase after me, but he wasn't able to keep up once I got into my car. It then sunk into him that he fucked up big time and that when I drove away, that's when he remembered my trauma about cheating, which made him cry while returning to our apartment. He tells everyone to leave and retreats to our bedroom, not really knowing what to do. To his shock, Anna comes inside our room unannounced and starts comforting Aleks. He repeatedly tells her to leave and that he'll be fine, but what really set him off was Anna asking him "So, does that mean you're single now?". That's when he realized she did it on purpose. Aleks then shouts at her and angrily asks her to leave, which she then complies to after looking like she just embarrassed herself. Aleks is in tears at this point, and he tells me that he wishes he just didn't agree with the prank. He's cut off contact with his college friends for now, and is incredibly sorry about what happened. He then starts hugging me really tightly and says that he loves me so much and that he's scared of losing me. His words alone also made me cry because even after everything, I still love him deeply and I do believe everything he's said. After a minute or two of us hugging and crying, he lets go of me and tells me that we should back together to our apartment, but that if I still need time and space, he'll gladly give it to me. I gave him a kiss and and respond to him with me asking him to help me pack my stuff. Of course, I gave my aunt the warmest of hugs and told her how much I appreciated her for helping me. She was happy things got resolved, but also jokingly threatened my boyfriend that if he did something stupid or hurtful to me again, she'll personally whisk me away to safety and away from him. My boyfriend laughed but I think he was just hiding his nervousness. Now, I'm back in our apartment, and Aleks even offered to throw away the couch that was used for thee "prank", but I declined since it's a pretty nice couch and everything that has happened was something no one wanted (aside Anna probably). I've already made amends with my boyfriend and we've both forgiven each other, and my friends are happy that things worked out in the end (Aleks is probably now invited to the weekend party but I've yet to ask them haha). Don't worry, I'm also going to get in touch with my therapist soon and book new appointments with her per the suggestion of my aunt. This has all taken a toll on me but I'm glad to have the support of my bf, my friends, and everyone who has read my post and shared their support to me. Also, I realize that this update is probably not what most of you wanted to happen, and as much as I was close to just giving it all up, I never had a reason to in the end and I'm glad I got to hear their sides out before making any huge decisions that I might end up regret later, and I do trust my bf and my friends since they all sounded sincere and they did have proofs to back them up. I think this is going to be my last update since everything seems to have been resolved at this point, but I'll try to make an update if ever something happens, but I hope that's not going to be the case. Once again, thank you everyone <3 &nbsp; **DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED** **SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED** &nbsp; [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/18b897u/final_update_my_ex_boyfriend_and_our_circle_of/?share_id=XJTUOW_WD7xKQyS8-F5CF&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Dec 5, 2023** Hello. This is definitely my last update about this mess because quite frankly I'm tired of all of this. But before I start this update, I would like to say sorry to everyone who thought my previous update was too long, I guess I was just overcome with "joy" (I feel stupid about it now) talking about what happened that I didn't get to edit it much, but don't worry, this update won't be as long. And thank you to everyone who had nothing but kind words, I really appreciate you all. So, a few days after my previous update, Aleks (my now ex-bf) came up to me while sobbing and confessed that he hasn't told me the complete truth about Anna. Apparently, him and Anna were a couple back then, she was his first girlfriend and he did a lot of his firsts with her (first kiss, first date, first sex, etc.). Once they graduated, Anna broke things off with him because she can't handle long-distance relationships and didn't want to be tied down yet. Anna breaking up with him caused him to go into a spiral and develop severe depression, along with self-harming tendencies (something he still goes to therapy for). It took a lot of work for him to get out of that hole and be a functioning human adult again, but things apparently didn't completely change for the better for him until he met me. As I quote, I was "the light at the end of the tunnel" that he desperately wanted to get out of. But, I guess ghosts from the past have their way of coming back to haunt you. A few weeks before my birthday, Aleks's college friends found his Facebook and contacted him to reconnect. Things went well for them until he was added into their group chat that had Anna in it as well. As what he said, it definitely reignited some old feelings that he had and it also didn't help that Anna was acting like nothing bad happened between the two of them. They agreed to meet to catch up, one thing lead to another, until that one thing ended up being them having sex every day up until the birthday "surprise" lol. It only really hit him how much he fucked up and realized that he was doing something incredibly shitty when he saw my devastated face after seeing Anna on top of him for the "prank" that they supposedly planned for me. According to him, he was trying to bring back those strong feelings and emotions that he once felt back when he was with Anna, but seeing me look ruined and distraught made him realize that what he had with me was incomparable to what him and Anna had, so I guess that's what lead him to confess and be all remorseful. Of course, I had to hear him apologize and cry in front of me, and I did cry too, but I couldn't bear being around him anymore after hearing all of that. I then calmly told him that I accept his apology, but that I didn't want to be with him anymore and that I'd be leaving the apartment and sort things out once we're both in clearer states of mind. He didn't like that one bit and started sobbing like crazy and even went as far as hugging me incredibly tight just so that I wouldn't go. It was a struggle but I eventually got out of his clutches by pushing him away hard enough. I ran as fast as I could (ironic) to get to my car and immediately headed to my aunt's house. When I got there, I just sobbed into my aunt's arms and felt incredibly weak. She probably understood why I was crying that much without asking me why, so she started consoling me until I was too tired to cry and slept. Yesterday, I got a call from a friend of Aleks that he's in the hospital after being found unresponsive and full of cuts on his arms. I didn't want to go because I'm obviously still hurt about everything, but Aleks doesn't have any family anywhere near him and I'm the only one who knows about his medical history and details (and technically his closest family) so I had to. When I got there, his arms were full of bandages and his face looked all puffy and red. Right now, I'm outside his hospital room, waiting for his doctors to give me an update or tell me anything or something that I should do. He also hasn't woken up yet so I'm bracing myself for when he does. Truthfully, I do still love him very much, but what he did just made it clear for me that we're not meant to be together. I don't know what I'll do moving forward after all of this, but I'll just let the universe take the wheel for me at this point. I just wish things didn't end up this way. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

My boyfriend and our circle of friends pranked me on my birthday and I ghosted them because of it.

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18acu3k/my_boyfriend_and_our_circle_of_friends_pranked_me/

18acua0

**AITA for selling my PS5 rather than sharing it with my step brothers? - The PS5 Saga Complete** **I am not The OOP's, OOP's are:** **The Son:** u/Throwaway_dadisadoof **The Dad:** u/NotanAHafterall_1987 **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Mentions cancer, threatening to make a child pay rent, controlling behavior, MRA talking points, manipulation, love bombing, verbal abuse, physical violence, gaslighting, financial abuse, mysogyny, body shaming, stalking!< **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole + r/relationship_advice + r/AusLegal **Previous BoRUs:** [BoRU 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/1FECkZ9TrP) Posted by u/LiraelNix [BoRU 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/gz53s3auDZ) Posted by u/GoodGirlsGrace [BoRU 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/DqWvgx75Pb) Posted by u/whydoyoureadnames [BoRU 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/bgzRdhgB5U) Posted by u/swankycelery [BoRU 5](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/uhOrL6I6cC) Posted byu/swankycelery [BoRU 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/oB5eQIssmL) Pisted by u/whydoyoureadnames [BoRU 7](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/8i3z3cJ8rX) Posted by u/nc63146 **NOTE: This saga has never been complete in one post before, all previous BoRUs were continuations** [**AITA for selling my PS5 rather than sharing it with my step brothers?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rid4rc/aita_for_selling_my_ps5_rather_than_sharing_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) **Dec 17, 2021** **Post by** u/Throwaway_dadisadoof My (15, M) mum and dad met and briefly dated while they were both studying at uni. My mum gave birth to me after they had broken up and had to sue my dad for child support. I was raised by my mum and had virtually nothing to do with my dad throughout my childhood. My mum was an international student and her family cut ties with her due to the circumstances of my birth. Tragically, two years ago, I lost my mum to cancer and thus I was placed under the care of my dad. My dad has remarried and has two sons (5 and 7) with his wife. It wasn’t a bad arrangement at first, but we were all essentially strangers. I was given a bedroom to myself and we shared some meals but other than kept to myself. About 10 months ago, I was lucky enough to score a casual job at an aged care facility as IT support. It was stupid easy money as it involves installing and maintaining a dozen or so common PCs used by the residents plus running basic computing workshops. I ended up accruing a whole lot of disposable income in a short time. Stupidly, instead of just keeping quiet about it, I decked out my room with a new TV, headphone and a PS5. Obviously, this setup was of great interest to my two step-brothers. Initially, my rule was that they could play the PS5 anytime I wasn’t using it but I would get first dibs if I wanted to play or use my TV. I was also super accommodating by buying an extra controller (which I didn’t need) and several kid friendly games that they wanted to play. I eventually had to change the rule to ‘only play when I was there’ because the 5 y.o destroyed one my controllers through spilling juice on it. This is where the drama started. They whined to my ‘parents’ who then ‘ordered’ me to place the PS5 in the living room. I refused stating that I had purchased it with my own money. This led to their argument that I have too much money and should contribute rent, utilities and food money. I called their bluff and said ‘sure, draw up a contract and I’ll get a lawyer to review it to ensure it complies with the Family Law Act’. My dad then told the boys that he was going to buy a separate PS5 for the boys for Christmas but the dude is clueless about the global shortage. Finally last night, after realising that he had zero change of buying one for close to RRP, my dad threatened me to either voluntarily gift my PS5 to the boys for Christmas or he would toss it in the bin while I was at school. I was so pissed that I went on Facebook Market place and sold the PS5. The boys found out today and were devastated. I feel really bad because they shouldn’t be punished for this shitshow. My ‘parents’ are in their room talking about me and I’m sitting here in my room. AITA? How could I have handled this better? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** [**Update 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rid4rc/comment/hozztc6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **Dec 18, 2021** Wow! This blew up overnight. Firstly, thanks to all the kind strangers out there given me your positive encouragement and support. It’s quite humbling that so many of took time to read my story and chose to provide positive support. Some people were after an update of the situation. I’m at work now but my step-mum had a chat with me this morning and it was quite positive. She said she didn’t know about my existence until right before I came to live with them and so it caused a huge rift between her and dad. She apologised for projecting that onto me and not being more welcoming. She also didn’t know about my dad’s threats and told me that it won’t happen on her watch. My half-brothers also admitted to her about the juice incident. She said that she is going to get the boys a Switch for Christmas and she offered to pay me the difference between RRP and getting a new PS5. I probs won’t take the money but at least it’s a step forward. This was the longest conversation I have ever had with her too btw. No comms from my dad yet, lol. To answer some common questions: *1. My bank account is entirely in my name only (Australia). No one else has ability to view or access the balance. I actually don’t think my dad’s demand for rent was about money, they both earn a good salary. He’s just butt hurt that I’m not reliant on his money. *2. Yes, I really am 15, lol! I typed out my post in Word and so that it could be spell and grammar checked - maybe that’s what confused people? *3. I get $AU27.50 an hour on a casual contract, with additional loading for weekends/phs. The operations manager at the Aged Care facility is super chill and allows me to schedule my hours around school, I just have a cap that I can’t go over. She lets me do my homework on the clock and I get free meals from cafeteria. If I help the residents on non-facility devices they usually tip me (in cash or sometimes cookies, lol). I've got a fair bit saved up because I don't really have any expenses. *4. I’ve got a shoebox of documents from when my mum passed. I think my mum’s assets is looked after by a trustee firm which will be turned over to me at 18. The law firm managing the will had previously explained this to me but I wasn’t really paying attention at the time. I’ve got to still go through everything. *5. I sold PS5 for a tidy profit, even with the cost of the damaged controller. I’m not desperate for one atm so I’ll just sign up for a waiting list again so I won’t need to take up my step-mum’s offer. This is probably my last post on this issue. Thanks again for the love everyone! [**Update 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rid4rc/aita_for_selling_my_ps5_rather_than_sharing_it/hp61haq/?context=3) **(Dec 26, 2021** So we've got a gathering with the extended family today. This is the first time I've met any of them due to COVID (and they've all been super lovely to me). My step-mum showed them my original post and they are all getting stuck into dad. My uncle (dad's younger brother) has set up a reddit account for him and he's doubling down as he thinks Redditors will take his side when they read his account of it. I'm not going to link or read his post but people have been telling me it's quite a bloodbath. **The Dad's Own AITA Post** [Aita for asking my son to share his consolewith his brothers instead of keeping it in his room](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rjpx58/aita_for_asking_my_son_to_share_his_console_with/) Dec 19, 2021** [Via Wayback Machine](https://web.archive.org/web/20211219053603/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rjpx58/aita_for_asking_my_son_to_share_his_console_with/hp4yb4g/) **Posted by** u/NotanAHafterall_1987 **AITA for asking my son to share his console with his brothers instead of keeping it in his room?** A few days ago, my bio-son Jonah (not real name) posted a biased and frankly defamatory post about an incident in my home regarding a PS5. My wife was *kind* enough to share the post and comments with our entire extended family at our Christmas gathering so apparently now I’m a huge asshole. My brother suggested that I post here to set record straight and give people both sides of the issue. *Firstly, I never actually intended to charge Jonah rent. His job gives him essentially 100% disposable income purely because he lives in our household. He used this money to deck out his room, buy brand shoes, buy the latest iPhone etc, all for himself. I couldn't care less about how he spends his money, but it does set a poor example for my other two boys. The last straw was when Jonah set a login password for the PS5. I basically told him that if he’s not willing to share then why should I give him a free ride? *My son should be grateful. While we share DNA, I only dated his mum, May (not actual name) for all of 5 months back in uni. I was very clear with May that I didn’t want kids but apparently consent doesn’t go both ways. May put me through legal hell and ended up costing me tens of thousands of dollars over the years in child support, setting my own goals back. *Instead of letting Jonah end up in a group home, I stepped up and took him in when May got sick. Instead of gratitude, I constantly have to deal with disrespect and attitude. *Because of Jonah, my wife thinks I breached her trust all for something that happened well before I met her. *While the boys previously did have access to PS5, he now won’t let them play it now that school is finished for the year unless he's home (which he never is). I gave him the ultimate of either sharing the console or no one gets to play it. In response, he pulls the most passive aggressive move ever and sold it so now no-one plays it. So listen, how am I the asshole here? I’ve taken in this kid into my home (a kid who btw will receive a sizeable inheritance in a few years thanks to May’s estate). I’ve given him a home, a family and fund his lifestyle, all at the cost of my own relationship. In return, I haven't asked for a cent, and he won’t treat me with respect nor follow my rules, but somehow, I’m the giant asshole whose in the study typing this out instead of enjoying Christmas with my extended family. Instead of attacking me, I’m hoping people will now give their fair opinion of the situation based on seeing both sides of the story. **He also provided a heated update in the comments:** *Ok, clearly this hasn’t gone down the direction I thought it would. Clearly some of you have issues with comprehension or just can’t be bothered reading my comments fully.* *- I want to be clear. I NEVER threatened to collect rent from Jonah. I don’t need his part time work money or about his inheritance money. I make a very good salary, probably more than the vast majority of people who use reddit. I simply tried to explain to him that he has all this disposable income because he doesn’t have to worry about basic needs!* *- I didn’t explain it properly at the time because we were arguing but my intention wasn’t for Jonah to give his PS5 to the kids permanently. I just wanted it kept in the common area until I can buy another one for the kids. Jonah never told me about the controller, if he had, of course I would have replaced it, that’s not an issue.* *- I expected him to not be so selfish to his brothers. Keeping it in his room under password protection is so rude. Jonah gets home really late most days so my kids are in bed by the time he gets back.* *- I won’t debate the nuances about sex and custody. I’m not an idiot. I understand perfect consent and parental responsibilities. I will just say that there is a large gap between consenting to sex vs consenting to having a child, I get that our current laws are against me on this one.* *- I didn’t intend to ‘lie’ to my wife. Jonah and May were something way into the distant past for me. Our settlement agreement was very clear on that. I had absolutely zero communication with May or Jonah for at least the ten years prior to finding about her illness. My child support was at a fixed rate so I had actually paid her out a lump sum that was supposed to take care of him until 18. It wasn’t like it was getting taken out of pay every week.* *- As far as I knew, I was never supposed to hear from Jonah or May ever again. Why would I tell my wife about something like that?* [AITA for intercepting and eating my son’s food delivery while he was grounded?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s2nhvm/aita_for_intercepting_and_eating_my_sons_food/) **Jan 13, 2022** [Via Wayback Machine](https://web.archive.org/web/20220113070657/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s2nhvm/aita_for_intercepting_and_eating_my_sons_food/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) **AITA for intercepting and eating my son’s food delivery while he was grounded?** **Posted by:** u/NotanAHafterall_1987 My eldest son (16) is undergoing a hormonal fuelled rebellious phase. His behaviour consists of things like rolling his eyes when I talk, back chatting when I tell him to do something, over emphasising putting on his headphones when I enter the room and a whole laundry list of other passive aggressive behaviours. It’s was his birthday yesterday and he was going to go out with his friends this weekend to celebrate by paintballing. However, when I got home from work yesterday I noticed that he had failed to do some chores I had set him and then did the whole headphones routine when I started telling him off for it. I got so sick of his attitude that I *threatened* to ground him for 2 weeks which means not letting him leave the house except for work. My words clearly cut through his headphones and it dawned on him that he would not be allowed to go paintballing this weekend. So he took off his headphones and said, “Go fuck yourself” and then shut himself in his room. This naturally led to his actual grounding. The grounding didn't seem to phase him as he spends a lot of time in his room anyway. I cut off his devices from our home wifi but he works around this by having own hotspot. He refused to come out for dinner last night when my wife asked him to and has basically barricaded himself in his room. At 10pm last night, he ordered himself a meal via a delivery app. Again, he is clearly been passive aggressive here, flaunting his independence as he has a perfected lovely meal in the fridge made by my wife. I was still up watching TV so intercepted the delivery and ate the meal myself. At some point my son must have come out and seen me but retreated back to his room without saying anything. My wife things I am a major AH for eating the meal but I think it comes part and parcel with the grounding. My wife also things I'm too harsh with due to the grounding. I'll let him go to paintball if he apologises. So am I the AH here reddit? **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** **The son updates in the same post** [update comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s2nhvm/comment/hsgh8kt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **From his son:** Hi everyone! Sorry for hijacking the top comment. This is my dad's post! Thanks for everyone support. I don't think I need to add any more fuel to the fire here, the post and the comments largely speak for themselves. I just wanted to give a quick update to everyone that I'm 100% fine and ok. My step-mum 'vetoed' my punishment so I'm all good to go out with my friends this weekend. One of my new uncles has asked me to stay with them for a while which is also super cool. So I'm doing well and loving life. These comments are hilarious! Much love! **update from the father in the comments** [Original Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sihqoy/aita_for_buying_my_wife_a_new_dress/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) I'm sure many of you would be ecstatic to know that my marriage may be over. I came home this evening to find that my wife and my two younger boys have left, probably at her mother's house (my oldest is still staying at my brother's house since beginning of Jan). This has hit me hard. As redditors now like remind me on a daily basis, I now know I have been a shitty husband and father. I have some self reflection to do. I am stubborn but my wife has always been there to talk me down. I guess she has had enough. The only communication I have is a text from my wife saying "she wants a divorce" and that her lawyers will get in touch regarding "separation arrangements". I have tried calling but it keeps going to voicemail, same as my in-laws. I want to apologise. I want to offer to go to counselling or therapy like she asked. If I still can't get through to her via phone, I am thinking of going to my in-laws house. I have to try to at least talk to her. I guess my redditors hate me, but I welcome any suggestions on if there is anything I can try. [Aita for buying my wife a new dress?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sihqoy/aita_for_buying_my_wife_a_new_dress/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf) **Feb 2, 2022** **Posted by:** u/notanahafterall_1987 &gt; My (M,34) wife (F,29) and I regularly attend formal functions (~once every 2-3 weeks). I work as an consultant and these events are a great way to attract new business and for network. My wife generally dislikes these things but she puts on a good front for me. It's generally a good night involving lots of food, alcohol and socialising while our kids are looked after by a sitter. Due to the pandemic, we haven't had any for about two years but they are now starting to come back. On a function two weeks ago, my wife came downstairs dressed in a pant suit and her hair in a simple ponytail. Don't get me wrong, she still looked amazing but pretty much all the other ladies wear ball gowns or cocktail attire. When we talked about it afterwards she told me that she was sick of the hours of hair, makeup, nails and preparation and that if I insisted she go, she will dress how she pleases. I tried to explain that these things are a necessarily part of my industry but she wouldn't budge. She counters that she never drags me to any of her work functions, which I responded that we should compare payslips which was clearly the wrong thing to say and she left the room. After the argument, I tried to make it up to her so I ordered a very nice and expensive gown for her to wear for the next function. I even took it to our tailors for adjustment as they know her measurements. When I presented the dress to her she was initially very happy and said the dress was 'gorgeous', but as soon as I mentioned that she should wear it for our next function she immediately blew up at me. She thinks I am being manipulative and going against her wishes. I thought I was just offering her a nice gesture. AITA? **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** ​**OOP updates in the comments** [Update: My wife has left.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sihqoy/aita_for_buying_my_wife_a_new_dress/hvefmn9/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3) **Feb 3, 2023** I'm sure many of you would be ecstatic to know that my marriage may be over. I came home this evening to find that my wife and my two younger boys have left, probably at her mother's house (my oldest is still staying at my brother's house since beginning of Jan). This has hit me hard. As redditors now like remind me on a daily basis, I now know I have been a shitty husband and father. I have some self reflection to do. I am stubborn but my wife has always been there to talk me down. I guess she has had enough. The only communication I have is a text from my wife saying "she wants a divorce" and that her lawyers will get in touch regarding "separation arrangements". I have tried calling but it keeps going to voicemail, same as my in-laws. I want to apologise. I want to offer to go to counselling or therapy like she asked. If I still can't get through to her via phone, I am thinking of going to my in-laws house. I have to try to at least talk to her. I guess my redditors hate me, but I welcome any suggestions on if there is anything I can try. [My wife wants to divorce me and won't talk to me. How can I win her back? - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/smo1i3/my_wife_wants_to_divorce_me_and_wont_talk_to_me/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) **Feb 7, 2022** **Posted by** u/NotanAHafterall_1987 Hi all, I need some advice about how to win back my wife and I am genuinely willing to do anything. My wife (F,29) and I (M,34) of 8 years had been having serious relationship issues over the last few years. The main area friction between us is that I have a son (M,16) from a previous teenage fling that I never told her about (we also have another two young children together). My 16 y.o had to come live with us about 3 years ago because his biological mother died. His presence in our lives caused a lot tension between my wife and I because she felt I majorly breached her trust. We argued more and more about minor things until last Thursday I came home to an empty house. I am devastated. My wife is the love of my life and has always been the main support centre in my life. I tried calling her but she kept sending me to mail. She sent me a text saying that she wasn’t ready to talk, but was filing for a divorce and to wait to hear from her lawyers regarding separation mediation. I am a wreck. I would do anything to have her back, including counselling and therapy (she had previously asked me to attend but I was too arrogant to take it up). I felt that if I could just talk to her, I can have a chance to explain and we can get through this. The next day I did something stupid. I went to her workplace (accounting firm) with her favourite takeaway lunch to try to talk to her. She must have worded up the reception staff because they adamantly refused to buzz me into the office. Her staff even went as far as calling for building security. Not wishing to cause further drama I left voluntarily. That night, I doubled down on my stupidity, I tried to visit her at her parent’s house with a bunch of gifts for her and the kids. My MIL answered through intercom but wouldn’t let me in. I was so frustrated and emotional that I broke down at their door, basically making a scene and refusing to leave. Later my brother turned up (I assume my wife called), he tried to convince me to go home but we ended up in a shouting match. He eventually tried to manhandle me back to my car so I got into a physical altercation with him but I left when my father in law came out and threated to call the police on me. Things have really gone downhill since then. This morning, two police constables turned up to where I work with a provisional domestic violence order along with a summons to attend court for a permanent order. I was in shock and as a result was inadvertently quite rude to the constables. This put them offside. I am a contractor working at a client site, and so when my client asked the constables what the matter was about, they said they “couldn’t say” for privacy reasons but then immediately handed out business cards with their “Family Violence Liaison Unit” title embossed at the top. So now my firm's senior partner has waved me off going back to the client site and I may be fired. I feel like this is the wake up call I needed. I know I have been a narcistic a-hole and am read to change. What can I do to talk to her? To show her I am determined to be better? I don’t want to just end it like this. I know that if I have a chance to explain myself, to apologise, to promise to work really hard on my marriage, to work on my narcissism, to go to therapy, to go to counselling, whatever my wife needs to forgive me and we can get on with our lives. Our court hearing is in a few weeks, so I am thinking of turning up early with some expensive jewellery and try to talk to my wife before the hearing. My solicitor has told me this is a bad idea but I feel like I need to do something. I don’t want to negotiate with my wife across a court room, I just want to remind her how much I love her and how much she means to me. What can I do to win my wife back? Has anyone else being in this situation? TLDR: My wife has left me and won't talk to me. I caused a scene at her work and now there is potential legal action against me. I want to win her back. Update: I get it, its over. You guys are right. I've fucked up. Irrevocably this time. I've lost my family and likely will lose my job. I've always tried to control everything in my life. Its worked for me in the past because my family is wealthy and they've fixed things for me. But my wife and brother must have spoken to my parents because they said I can't use the law firm my family has on retainer for my DVO or upcoming separation proceedings anymore. I'll hire my own solicitor as soon as stuff starts opening. I'll seek mental help too. Most importantly, I'll leave my wife alone. Thanks for your comments and advice. **The Wife Finds The Post and Respinds on the Sons Account** [Comment here](https://www.reddit.com/hwg81vn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)Yaya! **Feb 10, 2022** Hi everyone, a lot has happened over the last few months. My step-mum has been reading all of these posts and comments. She saw that he's now saying that he will change and hoping to gain some sympathy of it. She emailed me this today to pass on to people can decide if he deserves any. I haven't edited it anyway, just copy and pasted it. \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Hi everyone. I am not a reddit user but I have been following the messages that my stepson and my soon-to-to-be-ex has written. I would also like to thank the hundreds of kind people who immediately saw through his bullshit and gave him some hard truths. I am also grateful of all the well wishers to me, my sons and Jonah. Apart from the few incidents last week, which isn’t the complete picture btw, he has stopped trying to contact me directly. But I am hearing from mutual friends that he is on a mission to garner sympathy, trying lay blame for his life falling apart everywhere except for himself. I note that he is throwing a pity party for himself on reddit too, hoping to get people to congratulate him on how much he has changed! Ha! I want to set the record that this ‘man’ DESERVES NO SYMPATHY!!! I have been with him for 8 years. Yes, I realise that I am a naïve idiot and I take my part of the blame for not only sticking around but for having two (now three!) incredible, light of my life, adorable children with this ‘man’. I will lay out the autopsy of my marriage and let people judge for themselves. *I met him when I was 21, a broke uni student trying to make it on my own. I met him while working at my part-time job. I was taken in by his looks, his wealth and his confidence. *We got married within 3 months. I was stupid and vain, tricking myself into thinking he was the prince to whisk me off to a better life. *After our wedding, the manipulation started. He wanted to convince me not to continue my studies. “You don’t need to babe. I’ll look after you. You just look pretty and look after *my* house.” *After the birth of our first child. I took 12 weeks off for maternity leave. I was pretty established in my job then. He again, tried to convince me to be a stay at home mum. He tried to gaslight me, saying that “it’s not fair on your son”, and that his fondest memories as a child was with his mum at home. *Throughout the marriage he would constantly use his wealth as leverage. My dad, bless him, is a good tradie but terrible businessman. Early on my ex arranged a loan through his family trust to rescue my dad’s business. My ex would then gently remind me of that fact every time we disagreed about something. *He would constantly monitor my credit card usage. He would question me on certain transactions that weren’t to his liking. Eg. Fashion, gym, hair, botox, make up = completely fine. But a latte and a muffin? “*Who the hell* did you have a coffee with?” *He would constantly provide input on my appearance. As an example, he would show me pictures of celebrities and tell me that it would be *nice* if I dressed and did my make up more like that celebrity. He would also make offhand comments about what I ate. “Are you *sure* you want to order that in a main size? Didn’t you have a sugary drink already at lunch?” Or my personal pet hate, “I think my wife will have the salad tonight.” *At the industry awards or charity things we went to, he would tell me who I should talk to. I can’t tell you how many inane, vapid conversations I’ve had with other spouses about the latest bags or some other bullshit winter collection. I once made a joke about him in front some of his colleagues and he scolded me like a child on the car ride home. *You all know about him hiding Jonah’s existence from me. What you may not know is that he lied about Jonah’s mum and made her out to a gold digger who tricked him into having a kid. This is why my initial reception of Jonah was definitely not warm and I am ashamed for it. He’s a really decent and sweet boy and is so kind and patient with my two boys. He deserves better than his dad. I can go on for pages and pages. This list doesn’t even begin to describe the level of narcissism, manipulation and control he had over me for the last 8 years. I know I am equally to blame for this but I’m done with it now. I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t confident enough. I didn’t want to say no to a ‘man’ who gave me everything. Even now, at weak moments, I feel myself start to miss him and wonder if I should just endure it. That maybe he’ll change just enough that I may be able to live with it. But then his recent fake pity party bullshit snapped me right out of it. I don’t want his money. I don’t want him. I just want my kids and I to live our lives' free of him. Thank you for reading.” [The son made a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/smo1i3/comment/hwgp6tc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **in regards to his living situation and his dad trying to call him:** I'm living with my uncle and cousins at the moment. My dad has texted/called me a few times but only as way to talk to my step-mum. [Hiring an investigator while under intervention order (ACT) - via wayback machine](https://web.archive.org/web/20220212111638/https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/sqpci3/hiring_an_investigator_while_under_intervention/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **Feb 12, 2022** I'm just considering some options here. From a legal standpoint is it illegal for Person A to hire a Private Investigator to survey Person B while Person B has an intervention order against Person A? [I'm grieving the life I used to have](https://web.archive.org/web/20220213012036/https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/sr6gww/im_grieving_for_the_life_i_had/) **Feb 12, 2022** I had it all, I had everything. A beautiful wife, gorgeous kids, an awesome house in the suburb, a well paying job and a bright future. It all came crumbling down last week. My wife left with the kids while I was at work. It took me by surprise. Sure we argued about little things like any other couple but I had no idea she would hit the exit button so suddenly. I am a good provider, I have nice shiny things and we were (I thought) a great couple. Sometimes these things just aren't enjoy. Now I'm sitting alone, in a house filled with nothing but memories and silence. The most painful part is that I feel like I can get my life back on track with a gentle nudge. Unfortunately my wife won't give me a chance to talk 1 on 1. Next time I see her will likely be on the other side of a conference room with lawyers. Maybe I've changed, maybe we've both changed. All I know is that I still love her and it hurts ever day. I just want my life back. [Aita for insisting my girlfriend be allowed to pickup my children](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/PcyQS6nD9E) **June 29, 2022** I (35,M) have recently separated (divorced not finalised) with my wife (31,F). We have two primary school aged boys together which I have custody of one weekend a fortnight (Friday to Monday morning). I work fairly long hours and every week my team goes out for dinner/drinks on Friday night. It's important team bonding and I feel these sessions are a critical part of my job. My girlfriend, "Jane" (25,F) is a primary school teacher from a different school to my boys. I recently filled out a form with my boys school to designate Jane as a guardian for purposes of picking up and dropping off my boys at school. I commute the other way to my work on Mondays where as Jane works at a school near our boys' school. With the current custody arrangements, it's only 1 pick up and 1 drop off a fortnight if Jane was to do it. Unbeknownst to me, the school sent the form to my ex-wife for her signature. My ex is now super mad at me. From my perspective, Jane is a perfectly acceptable person to look after our boys as she is my girlfriend, a qualified educator and the boys get along well with her. She only has to pick them up and drop them off and maybe look after them for less than 2 hours without my presence. My ex says I'm an asshole and saying that I am trying to shirk my responsibilities. I don't think that is fair. My ex is going through her lawyers to specifically write to me saying they prohibit this. I think she is overreacting because she is jealous. Am I the asshole here? **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** [My STBX wife is not happy with my holiday plans.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/H5fmJB432Q) **July 13, 2022** **My STBX wife is not happy with my holiday plans.** My (M,31) wife (F,27) and I have been separated for about 6 months but not divorced (we were together for 10 years). We have 2 primary school aged boys. She has more custody than I do at the moment because of my work schedule but my aim is work towards joint custody. We came to an agreement to split the school holidays between us, I the first week and her the second. I had such a blast with the boys during my week playing games and watching movies with them at my new apartment. Just before my wife's week commenced, I asked if we could all do a few things together, go watch a movie, having a meal together etc. It would be nice for the boys to see their parents get along after all. To my shock, my wife said that she had already booked a holiday for the boys and I would have no access to them for the entire week. Fortunately, my eldest boy told me that my wife had organised a cruise for them. To make things worse, it was the cruise that my wife and I talked about talking us when we were together. I was admittedly very hurt that my wife would take my dream family holiday without me. Apart from my personal feelings, I was mainly concerned about the safety of taking 2 boys by herself. A lot can happen on a cruise ship. I didn't know if she is going be alone or with a boyfriend or a group, so my main goal is to ensure the safety of my boys. I took time off work and also booked a cabin on that same ship (luckily there were plenty of vacancies). I don't want to be intrusive on my wife's time with the boys but I thought it was a sweet gesture that at least I can look after the boys while she gets a massage or wants some time alone. I even got a VIP cabin suite so the boys can have room to sleep over. When I surprised her on the ship, she went apeshit ballistic at me. In fact she screeched so loud that security had to intervene and we were all interviewed separately by the head of security. The head of security seemed to immediately take my wife's side (white knight?) and told me to stay away from my family. But I mean, it's a ship? I've just been hanging in my room for the last few days but I'm not sure the direction from security is enforceable. Obviously my wife has once again misinterpreted my nice gesture. I didn't go on the cruise to interrupt her trip, merely to make life easier for her to enjoy herself while spending time with the boys. Any advice for me? \*\*TD;LR\*\* I booked a holiday similar to my wife's (separated) so I can hang out with my boys. She did not take it well. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for selling my PS5 rather than sharing it with my step brothers? - The PS5 Saga Complete

REPOST

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18acua0/aita_for_selling_my_ps5_rather_than_sharing_it/

18acuj6

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/lrhun, **originally posted to** r/EntitledPeople **Entitled Ex ghosted my friend then demands a room in our house** [Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17l3s73/entitled_ex_ghosted_my_friend_then_demands_a_room/) **NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** --- Trigger Warnings: >!stalking, homophobia, verbal and emotional abuse, harassment, physical assault, verbal abuse!< --- &nbsp; **RECAP** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17a4olt/entitled_ex_ghosted_my_friend_then_demands_a_room/?share_id=_yS0isIN5Evo2V-wiN0Zu&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 17, 2023** This isn't my ex, but my best friend's ex. She and I have been friends for years and live together now. And now we live with my parents who adore her like their own daughter. I got her permission to post this. My friend (30F) came to the US from Latin America at 19 as a student. She also started dating her ex (29M) after many years of hanging with each other both during vacations and online. I knew them both since HS and they seemed good together. She tried to convince him to move together a few years before their breakup. He was living with his parents who wanted him to leave. At this point she had already finish college and had a job in the US that granted her a visa. He had quit college and worked part time. From what I can gather, he didn't want to leave his parents' place because free food and no rent. So instead she asked me if I wanted to move with her so we could afford a bigger place. I said yes and we moved together, adopted a cat and a dog, and pretty much became Grace and Frankie. Around the start of the pandemic, things got bad for them. This is what I was told and what I saw. They never talked or hang out or anything. I was in a breakup at that time myself, so I wasn't really on top since I had my own issues, but my friend cried so much. She didn't even get a happy birthday. After a year of no contact, she assumed the relationship was over. She changed all her social media to single, which he could see, took him off her emergency contacts at work and at her doctors, and just moved on with her life. This year my stepdad's health has gone downhill and my mom needs help caring for him. She works full time as a therapist. I work from home and my job is very flexible. So I put in the idea of all of us living together and I'll care for my dad. Eventually I'll care for my mom too. My mom loved the idea and asked my bestie if she wanted to move with us too so we could all be together and also because at this point, I can't see myself not being in the same house as her. We've come to terms in being single ladies. Heck, we've joked that one of us should adopt and we've become parent/aunt dynamic. And now the joke is more serious since I'm considering it and she's incredibly supportive. (No, we're not dating. She's straight, I'm bi. We're just incredibly close after all the BS we've lived through together.) We found a perfect house. 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bathrooms. Enough space, a yard, everything we need. And we got it after a bunch of difficulties and arrangements. Since I don't have immediate plans for adopting yet, I have a ton of paperwork and years of planning ahead, we made the extra room into our office/gaming hub. We both work at the same place, totally not on purpose they were hiring and we both needed visas. And as proud first time home owners, we posted pictures. Her ex, who by this point has been MIA for 3 years, messaged her saying he was so excited to move into the new house. She told him this was her house with me and my parents. He said since they were a couple she should kick me and my parents so he could move in. I want to point out that my parents bought the house. We, friend and I, will pay them our parts over the years. And if she decides to move out, I'll finish paying and I'll buy her part out. This is all in paper and signed. So she obviously told him he was not moving with us and that he ghosted her so there was no relationship. He went on a tirade that he never broke up with her, that she was abandoning him, that she never cared about him, etc. I got pissed off, took the phone from her and told him he could live in a bear cave for all I care, but to leave my friend and -our- house alone. He went ballistic and began calling us some names... referring to the LGBTQ+ community... that would probably get this post flagged... so I'll leave it to your imagination. My friend started crying and I was absolutely done with him. I never thought he was abusive, but my friend confessed to me that this was not new. He always had issues with the two of us living together and accussed her often of cheating on him with me. We ended the call, and I told her she needed to block him for her own sanity's sake. She deserves SO MUCH BETTER than this manchild. She got me to leave my abusive ex when I was in HS. She took me to the hospital when he beat me up and call my parents. My friend is family and I'll be dead before I let some bastard with commitment issues make her suffer. Since then he's gone on a major campaign in our friend group to say my friend abandoned him and left him homeless since apparently he cancelled his lease after he saw we bought a house. He also claims we're lesbian satanists that probably abuse our pets and are mooching of my parents. Most of my friends know the story and know my friend and I moved together at first out of necessity, then we just don't see ourselves not living together. So yeah, my friend's ex is a nutcase and if he ever gets close to her again, I will personally give him a free vasectomy. Update: Hey everyone, a bit quick on the update, but some people asked if our friends knew where the ex was hiding for 3 years and I was actually curious. Since I was down for the count at work today I had time to check with my friends and find out more. Apparently my bestie did ask them, but they didn't know. From what they tell me, he kinda got back into everyone's life in the last year or so, but he was part of the group because they were bestie's friends, not really his. I don't personally know many of his own friends, to be fair. I did track down the ex's sister thanks to social media, and poked her for info. She's very nice and always treated my bestie right. I told her what her brother did and her response was very interesting: Apparently, the ex was dating other girls, until his parents decided to move outside the US. He's now living in a friend's couch. The last she heard was a couple of days past when they went out for coffee. He was saying he got this brand new house and was going to be moving in this week. As far as she knew, my bestie begged him to take her back and let her live in -his- house. I did correct her and said that no, Bestie is living with me and my parents, in our new house. Her reaction was 'of course he lied' and just thanked me for letting her know he was bullshitting. Aside that, I do want to report we are safe, he doesn't know where we live and most people don't because we're not really ready to open pandora's box and having friends come over. We also need time to figure out who we want in the know. We won't be going to the police unless something serious happens just because this is technically not a crime, but we are going to keep recordings and printi text conversations. If he tries anything, we have all our papers in order, and just in case I plan to contact our company's HR so they know the situation. The company we work for can provide us free legal counsel if things get bad. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17gnci6/my_friends_entitled_ex_turns_into_a_stalker/?share_id=KZGzKfjTFto8zXuoI4qvF&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 25, 2023** Well, seems I'm stuck in a saga now. Once again, I have full permission from my friend to share this. Link to the OG post: https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17a4olt/entitled_ex_ghosted_my_friend_then_demands_a_room/ As my first post said, my friend's ex ghosted her and then decided to try to move in with her, and by extension me, after years of no contact. My friend told him where he can go. For a bit, it was actually pretty calm. She did cut contact and block him as many suggested, and between the two of us, my bestie and I did some culling in our friend group of people we knew were passing information to her ex. We've settled in the new house together and she actually gets along better with my parents sometimes than I do. Guess she's the golden child now. Sadly eventually we had to adult and get much needed food. We went to walmart in town together and by some bad luck we crossed paths with her ex. I wish all of it was just awkward glances and each on their way. But no, at first he tried to talk to her. My friend said she didn't want to speak to him and didn't want him near her. I mostly reminded him I wanted to rip his spine and beat him to death with it. Sadly that didn't deter him from following us around like the most obnoxious toilet paper stuck to shoe. We did our shopping and headed to the car with him still after us. I told my friend for her to get into the car and start the gear, and lock it while I loaded the groceries. Her Ex then decided to appeal to me to talk to my friend about taking him back. I don't know what power held me back from committing a felony, but pretty sure I've earn a PhD in self-control. I told him, in no uncertain terms, were he could put his reconciliation and that if he kept following us, I will make sure his legs were out of the equation. I got in the car and my friend began to driving back when we notice a car following us. And we knew it was following because the direction we were going was not usual. To rule out a possible neighbor, we actually did a full U turn almost back to the store, stop to get some fast food, ate in the parking lot, then headed again back home. And the same car was after us. Now, as much as I talk of violence, I have to admit I was terrified. So was my friend. Neither of us has a gun permit, best we carry is a can of pepper spray. And we know her ex does have guns. So yeah, we were not comfortable at that point. Instead we headed past our neighborhood. And following the usual advice from TV, drove to a police station. Once in it, we did write a statement and I got scolded about the confrontation in walmart's parking lot. The reason we know its her ex was because when we got home, she got a call from him in a new phone number saying 'I know where you live now'. We immediately called the police. So there's were we stand. Cops just left a few minutes ago, and my brother is going to be staying over for a few weeks until we get the RO and some sturdier locks. Also, I want to clarify a few things: A lot of people asked why originally my friend took a whole year of being ghosted to accept the relationship was over. While I get it, trust me, please understand that when my friend came to the US, she had no one. She's cut contact with her toxic family. She literally only had her ex. I moved into the US a year later, and also came alone at first. But my parents were able to become citizens and I had them. When her relationship died out, she lost not just her boyfriend, but his family who pretty much were as close to her own family as she could get. It's not easy, and I personally can't imagine how lonely she felt. I could spend Christmas with my parents. She had no one for that first year. So please, don't judge her on it, cause she doesn't deserve it. It's not easy to be an immigrant when you have no place to return to. --- &nbsp; # NEW UPDATE [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/1811mag/my_bestfriends_exmil_demands_my_friend_become_a/?share_id=lMLpteIBSxaLkG3MX3HzM&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 21, 2023** This is an ongoing mess with my(F29) bestfriend's(F30) ex(M29), and now her ex-MIL. I have her permission to post this. Now, my bestie never married her ex, but for simplicity sake, I'll refer to her ex's parents as ex-MIL and ex-FIL. Bestie and I live together with my parents in a newly bought house. She's pretty much a daughter to my parents and we are platonic life partners by this point. Her ex ghosted her for three years and has been hounding her ever since he found out we bought a house trying to get her to take him back and live in our house. We've tried reaching to the police, but since nothing serious has happened, we've reach a wall and can only wait. Her ex-inlaws no longer live in the US, but they did come for Thanksgiving. Though my Bestie is no longer dating their son, she offer to pick them up at the airport and take them to their hotel. Reason I was told was they would do that for her when she was in college. I didn't like it since her ex is a problem, but she wanted to use the chance to ask her ex's parents to intervene and maybe get him off her back. I still didn't like it, but I figure they probably were okay based on how she described them. And I was completely wrong. My bestie arrived in tears and with a scratched cheek. Immediately I asked her what happened and now I'm seeing red. The next part comes from how my bestie descibed things to me: Bestie told me picking them up went well and they had talked about the old days. They asked my bestie if they could stop in a near-by restaurant they always liked, and bestie being her usual self decided to treat them to lunch. All hell broke loose at the restaurant though. Apparently her ex-MIL demanded to know why bestie did not take her abusive stalker ex back. According to ex-MIL my bestie is responsible for her 'baby boy' since she was his first girlfriend and they were 'married in the eyes of god'. To start, they never legally marry. And bestie is an atheist. So yeaaaah. Bestie tried to defuse the situation, explaining she's moved on with her life after three years not knowing where he was. She did try to ask her ex-MIL to convince her son to leave her alone and that bestie just doesn't want him in her life anymore. Ex-FIL seemed to agree with her and apologized for all the heartache and pain she went through. Ex-MIL however took over the conversation and began screaming that thanks to my bestie, her son had no life. That apparently my bestie was responsible for her firstborn not having a wife or children. The least she could do is take responsibility and become the submissive wife he deserved. Ex-FIL tried to pull his wife away, more than likely because they were causing a very public scene. Bestie simply say she would not ever consider marriage to her ex. She then said it might be best to take the food to go and for them to go to their hotel. She paid all the food, despite ex-FIL offering to cover his and his wife's meal, and drove them to the hotel. At the hotel is where things went from 1 to 100. Ex-MIL had spent the whole drive escalating demands. From 'taking him back' to 'marrying him' to 'have a child and give her son the house as the man in the relationship'. Ex-FIL apparently kept telling her to stop, but there was no way she could be quiet. Finally my bestie had enough, stop the car and told ex-MIL she will never take a failure of a man like her 'baby boy' as a husband, let along give birth to his spawn. That she was glad no other woman had stayed long term with him since he really won't be a good addition to the gene pool. I gotta admit, I'm proud of her for that last one. Ex-MIL went crazy and jumped on my friend. Her husband luckily grabbed her, but she still manage to get my friend on the cheek. She began screaming she was the reason her family had split. Called her a whore (with a different word) and said she wished our house burnt with all of us inside. Ex-FIL just told my friend to drop their bags on the sidewalk and drive away while he held back his demon of a wife. And bestie did exactly that. Next thing she did was drive back to us. She was not so much hurt by the insults or even the attack, but more the notion that a woman she once saw as a second mother would treat her like this. I told her to just relax a bit, so she's watching some movies with the dogs while I write this and do some work. Tomorrow we're both calling out and just having a girls' day with my mom. I did get in touch with the ex's sister and let her know what happened. She already knew from her dad and asked me if bestie was pressing charges. She should, but she's not. I tried to convince her, but its a sore topic for her, so for her emotional well-being I'm not going to push it. The sister said she appreciates we're not pressing charges and that she will make sure her family doesn't bother us in any way. Apparently she already had her brother moved outside the city. Not sure how or where, but I'm glad he's gone. So, hopefully we're done. We're going to avoid going out too often until we know the ex-monster-in-law is gone from the city. It's not a small city by any means, but I wouldn't put it past these crazies to try to stalk my bestie. Update: After Thanksgiving dinner, my mom sat with my bestie to have a serious talk. She told her she didn't want to diagnose her, but she was showing clear signs that she needed help, and therapy could be an option. They had a discussion about it and my friend agree to seek professional help. Since she lives with my mom, she's not an option, but mom is going to help her find someone. We just came from filing a police report. My friend won't press charges, but we made a paper trail to ensure that its at least on the record. She apologize for not doing it immediately and for going to meet her ex-inlaws. I told her I understand she's going through a lot of things. We'll see how things go, but she's like a sister to me and I refuse to let her go through it alone. As for people saying I have feelings for her, please stop. Like seriously stop. She's my family and I don't see her in any romantic or sexual way. It's annoying that people assume just because I'm bi and have a strong friendship it means I have romantic feelings. And to the person who made a comment about her ex-inlaws being 'entitled or muslim', that is innappropiate and extremely racist. It's the same mentality that my friend and I have to constantly deal with because we're Hispanics. I seriously dislike people like this. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

[New Update] - Entitled Ex ghosted my friend then demands a room in our house

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18acuj6/new_update_entitled_ex_ghosted_my_friend_then/

18acx9u

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Ok_Roll_1515 **My ex came back demanding I pay her child support.** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, slander, false accusations of childhood abandonment, Stalking, attempted identity theft/fraud!< [Original Post via wayback machine](https://web.archive.org/web/20230525200637/https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/13rrtqp/my_ex_came_back_demanding_i_pay_her_child_support/) **May 25, 2023** 7 years ago I was married to my dear ex(we were together for 6 years at this point), I thought we had a great relatioship a prior I recieved a nice inheritance, I used the money first to buy a condo for us to live, a new car for her because her's was falling apart as a thank you for her constant support over the years, and the rest went to starting my own company. I thought we loved each other, we had talked endless times about kids, we both wanted a family. One day a came home from work, she was seated in the couch and signaled for me to seat with her. Then she told me she was pregnant. I was happy for like half a millisecond, when I realized about the impossibility of this happening bacause we were both cis WOMEN. I started to cry for what it meant. Then she started to cry and say sorry but that this could be a good thing now, Incredulously I asked how on earth could this be a good thing, she said that this could be the perfect opportunity for us to have the family we always wanted. I didn't had the energy to argue at that moment, so I went to packed some things and told her I was gonna be staying with my cousin for a few days and come back to talk. I was a complete disaster with my cousin for a week, then I returned, said I wanted a divorce, packed all the rest of my things while she tells me that she can't do it with out me and that I'm abandoning our child, I said nothing, I couldn't speak, I didn't have it in me to do anything but pack and leave. In the divorce I let her have the condo, her car(it was on my name), she demanded alimony, I gave it to her for a year even tho she wasn't really entitled to it, she demanded child support but was denied for obvious reasons. a year later it was done. A month before the divorce was finalized, I met a woman, I wasn't sure about dating but my friends encouraged me to get back out there, so I did. It was slow I told her about my past, she felt really bad for me. We went on dates, we kissed, then she stopped responding my texts and calls for a week, I didn't know what was happening, she then shows up at my home looking sad. She tells me she's pregnant, to which I think NOT AGAIN. But she quicklly explains that she found out a few days ago, she had an appointment that day and was told she was about 16 weeks along, that she did not cheat since we had known eachother for 3 months, that she knows this might be somehow triggering for me, that she really likes me but understands if I want nothing to do with her and left. Ultimately I couldn't let her go, and we stayed together. The whole ordeal was a bit confusing at first but we worked it out. Now my comapany is on the rise and it's been for years, we bought a house, got married, had two more kids, a dog and a cat, her family loves me, my family loves her. But then last saturday my ex had to appeared again. We ere in a family gathering on my wife's side, when she showed up to [wife's] aunt's house to "exposed me as a horrible person who abandoned her wife and child and left them with nothing to go start a new family with a whore and raise someone else's child, and that since I have money I have to start paying the overdue child support and bla bla bla". Apparently she befriended my wife's cousin's wife in PTA, told her about me, she gave my name and wife's cousin's wife was shocked and appalled by my actions and decided they were going to confornt me in the family gathering for everyone to hear and show them the evidance. My wife tried to argue back but was cut by her aunt(cousin's mom) and in not a very nice way kicked us out with a promised to take my treatment of my ex public and ruin my company. We left stunned, and my wife vowed she was going too start WWIII if anyone dared to slander me. On sunday morning we got a call from my wife's dad(aunt's brother), to talk about what the texts and voice mails they were reciving were about(they didn't go to the gathering), we went over for lunch and explained everythin that happend, they knew I got divoreced in the past but I never told them why. They were understanding of the situation, but my mother in law sill said that since I do have money I should help my ex out, pay the child support, get her a place if she needs it and be a parental figure in my ex's daugther's life "after all the child was concived during your marriage", she has some odd spiritual beliefs, my wife is now mad at her mom for saying that, my wif'e siblings are mostly on or side except one whos close to cousin and cousin believes his wife, and we've been ignorig the extended family. Thank you for F@#$&%* existing dear ex. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/u/Ok_Roll_1515/s/pi02X183BT) **June 7, 2023** Hi, sorry I didn’t update before, it’s been hectic, between my kids routine changes with the school year ending, my wife, my business, and the situation with my ex, I haven’t been able to even watch the last season of Succession. First I want to clear some things. I saw a lot of people got fixated on the fact that I gave the condo to my ex, I get it, but in the moment I was just so low, I still had some love for her too I guess, and I wanted to get rid of everything, so I thought “well, she will need a place for her and her child and it will be faster to just give it to her”, so I did, even against my lawyer’s advice. My wife did not cheat on me, she slept with someone weeks before we even met, then we met, a month after that we went on our first date, 2 months into our relationship she finds out she was pregnant, we talked and moved forward but slowly, we didn’t move in together the next day, we just stayed together to see how thing would go, it could have ended at any time, but it didn’t, and we moved in together when \[kid\] was almost a year old. MIL has some weird spiritual thing with some of her friends going on since forever, it never bothered me really, but I do think some of her views are questionable, I did mention to her that I gave my ex the condo, she said “but you don’t know if she still has it”. Someone said that that’s what she thinks because she cheated on FIL and my wife or/and her siblings may be a product of that, honestly I don’t feel comfortable bringing that up with my wife right now or anyone for that matter, so I won’t do that. Okay, so, a few things happened. I got all the documentation about the divorce, I made copies and hand them to my wife’s family and made sure everyone could see the whole thing, I got some mixed reactions. There were people who told me they knew my ex was clearly crazy from the beginning and said next to nothing because they thought it was obvious but that those who believed her were just as crazy so talking to them would be like talking to a wall so they just move on, they did apologize for not saying anything, they didn’t think it could be so detrimental to me when “it’s clearly fake”, I’m not mad at them now, with most of them we’re not exactly close, they’re extended relatives. Others did believed my ex at first because she had “evidence”, but after showing them my documents they apologize profusely, and said they would support me suing her and be witnesses and such. And then there were those who still believe my ex, like cousin, cousin’s wife, aunt, and a few others who are close to them that accuse me of falsifying documents. BIL who’s close to cousin has said nothing about anything, he doesn’t seem to be on their side but did not admit he was wrong either, just silence from him. I filed a restraining order, the temporary one was denied, but I have a hearing schedule. I had a meeting with one of my biggest clients last week, we’ve known each other for a long time, professionally, we’re not friends, but he knew I got divorced years ago, when he arrived at the reception I received him and asked him to follow me, he stopped me and said someone went to his office and told him about me abandoning a child, and asked me if it was true, I said it was false, told him a brief recap and offered to show him my divorce documents, he said it was not needed, he trusts my word and offered his help if I need it in the future, we moved on to our meeting. I was really pissed that she actually went for my business but then something even worse happened. My lawyer has been drafting a cease and desist letter and I was debating whether I should just sue her or wait for the letter, then Saturday happened. I took my kids to the mall to buy some things for summer, school classes are over but their school still has some activities during the week and there’s a big event next weekend, and other things we needed to buy things for. We went and left my wife at home to relax, it’s getting harder for her. When we came back I gave the kids some bags and told them to go inside with them, mama has a snack for them, I would handle the rest, I do a few trips in and out of the house, and when I’m finishing unloading the trunk I hear “mommy?”, I turn around and there was a little girl standing there, I was confused, the girl seem scared, then I see my ex approaching, she tells the girl “yes, that’s what she was supposed to be”, the girl was still and silenced for the rest of the exchange, but my ex went off on me. I’m paraphrasing here but this is basically the exchange: Ex: I can’t believe you wouldn’t want to be in her life, she’s an amazing kid, an innocent kid that did nothing wrong, you just abandoned her, and for what? For a random whore who sleeps with everyone, gets pregnant and then makes you responsible for her kid. Me: wasn’t it you who tried to do that? Ex: I was not a random chick, it was different. Me: Yeah, the difference is that she did not cheat on me and I chose to be responsible, she didn’t try to force me. Ex: That doesn’t make it fair!!!! How could you not think of her(points to the little girl) when you bring kids from the street and care for them(in reference to our two older kids being adopted), your kids go to private school while I have to move for her to go to the school I want her to go to, is she invisible to you? Me: Are you nuts? Please leave, I don’t have time for this. Ex: What? You don’t want your perfect little family see who you really are? Me: You leave or I call the police. Ex: as if you would do that, just be reasonable for once and we won’t have any more problems. Then my wife came out of the house Wife: I already call the police, they’re on their way, I suggest you leave before they arrive, \[me\] come inside. I grabbed the last two bags and went inside, through the window I saw my ex grabbing the little girl be her arm rather harshly and drag her to her car, then she left, now I’m actually worried about the girl. The police showed up, we talked to them, showed them footage(we have cameras), even footage from my car, I filed again for a temporary restraining order and was approved, so that’s good for now. I told my lawyer to forget about the letter, I’m suing her ass. And I can confirm she doesn’t live in the condo anymore, I’m not sure what happened to it or where she’s living know but we’ll see. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/u/Ok_Roll_1515/s/zUknekKj5z) **June 25, 2023** Hello again, it's been a few weeks, ex haven't showed up at my door again since last time, thank the universe. She did however showed up at my office looking for me last monday but I wasn't there, as I'm now working mostly from home to help my wife whose in bed rest for the foreseeable future due to complications with the pregnancy. I did went to the office on thursday and as I was leaving to go home my ex's sister was waiting for me. We were close back then but cut contact when the whole cheating happened and my therapist basically advise me to. Anyway. She said she has been coming for a few days and waiting outside, hoping to see me and she needed to talk to me and was really important. So we went to a cafe nearby and told me what my ex has been up to since the divorce. She sold the condo about a 1.5 years after the divorce was finalized and moved to a house, she's renting it. She said ex said it was a quick way to make money to buy all the stuff a kid would need growing up. As the time went on her family saw stranger than normal behaviours in her, I'm not gonna go into much detail, otherwise we'd be here a long time, but essentially she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 2 years ago, and was treated for a bit but then she stopped. I talked to my lawyer, he said that makes some things tricky, as she could defend "not guilty by reason of insanity", but the fact she has been refuseing treatment for a while now would help my case. Sister said that she's sorry for how ex is acting and she would help me with whatever I need with the case, she's still around her sister to try and mitigate her episodes for the sake of her niece, I asked why CPS hasen't got involved and she said her parents are butting in for that to not happen. I couldn't stay longer, I had to get home before my SIL had to leave, so we exchanged numbers and will be in contact if need it. That's all for now, I have the hearing for the permanent restrainging order this week so hopefully that goes well. Edit cuz I forgot: sister said ex let it slipped that she's not sure who the bio dad is cuz she slept with 4 different people(3 guys) around the time the kid was conceive, when I learned this I felt even more stupid that she was just sleeping around and I had no clue. [Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/u/Ok_Roll_1515/s/S3PwXhigd3) **Oct 20, 2023** Hi, guys! Sorry it's been so long. The youngest of our bunch was feeling excluded, always being in that same little room all the time, and she decided to come out earlier than expected. Mixed with the NICU stay and school starting, I feel like I would like to sleep into the next year. But thankfully, everyone is doing great now! Onto my ex. The anxiety levels I was managing were off the charts back then. They are still high, but I can breathe. Basically, there was silence for about two weeks, and then I got a call that she attempted to cash out a fake check in my name. I have no idea how she found my bank, but just like the fertility clinic documents, the check was clearly fake and didn't fool the clerk. She was arrested immediately. Right now, she's in a psychiatric facility receiving treatment. I'm not sure how long she'll stay there, but once she's out, she's going to trial for check fraud, and from what I've been told, it doesn't look good for her. On the other hand, her parents are aware that I was planning to sue her and that I have evidence of another forgery crime committed by her. They begged me not to pursue them since that would likely send their daughter away for longer. Maybe unpopular, but I made a deal with them that somehow they would make sure that everyone she defamed me to will know the truth. I don't want to deal with this right now, so I accepted. So far, so good. In regards to the girl, I'm happy to say she's with my exSIL right now. I won't go into detail, but it seems that there's no way for my ex to get her back in the future. Even though it's not my business, I let my exSIL know that if her parents try to get the girl, I will help her with that. My wife and I are also taking some distance from my mother-in-law. It seems that my ex befriending the cousin was a coincidence that they both decided to use for their own advanteges, the cousin and the aunt just used my ex's lies to get revenge on me, since apparently they "work harder than me to make less money than me and it's not fair". I don't think I'm forgetting anything, but let me know if I am. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My ex came back demanding I pay her child support

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18acx9u/my_ex_came_back_demanding_i_pay_her_child_support/

18acxss

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/q23y7 **What's wrong?** **Originally posted to** r/Amigurumi **Thanks to u/Henchmand for suggesting this BoRU** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Amigurumi/s/kHVlOh78wm) **Nov 9, 2023** I swear, my amigurumi never look as cute as they do in the pattern pictures 🙁 I'm not super experienced but also not a total nube. Yet I always feel a little disappointed by my creations. Obviously I'm not finished but the face just doesn't seem right. I'm using different yarn so the colors are slightly different. The pattern called for a bronze color for the beak and eyebrows but the pattern picture looks like much more of a tan color. Could that be why mine looks so much more... stern? I also think the pattern might have bigger eyes than mine but they're the biggest I have in my safety eye kit 😕 And my beak to me looks too narrow and pointy... Would rounder look cuter? Pattern link: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1539469280/pdf-pattern-bundle-halloween-tree-set I do like the pattern, I think it's my sewing/placing technique that diminishes the final result. Help! [2 pics of the owl](https://imgur.com/a/ZlwOuvf) **First Picture** The completed owl crocheted with eyes a little too small **Second Picture** A copy of what the completed crocheted owl should look like **TOP COMMENTS** **SloppyInevitability** >Honestly I think your finished product looks awesome and very similar to the picture. The only difference is maybe the placement of the safety eyes? The reference has them a little higher up and closer together, but yours looks fantastic * **Kokbial** >Honestly, I like yours more than the original. It just looks nicer. >The eyes are smaller, but that's really the biggest thing I can tell (and I think it fits super well) * **Brilliant_Spell711** >Yours is still cute! Like others have mentioned, yours has smaller pupils, but also the pupils in yours aren't in the same location in the whites as theirs. I think not only the big pupils but also their placement in the whites gives it that cartoonish cuteness. [Update 1 - Fixed?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Amigurumi/s/MEAwJDiYKI) **Nov 11, 2023** If you saw my previous post, most comments said my eyes were smaller than the model so I bought bigger safety eyes... Thoughts? /s My husband thinks it's hilarious 🤣🤣🤣 **TOP COMMENTS** **Normal-Hall2445** >Actually laughed out loud. Looks like your owl had too much coffee!! I love it. ❤️❤️❤️ the original eyes are cute too **OOP** >>Just coffee? Pretty sure this little guy is hearing colors and smelling sounds at this point 🤣 * **Ill_Quantity_5634** >Leave it that way, put glasses on him, and name him Bubbles. **OOP** >>My husband loves this idea * **zesty-fizgig** >Nah they need to be bigger * **Ianderson507** >I saw your first post so I almost snorted my drink when I came across this picture! 🤣😂 [New Picture](https://imgur.com/a/21mu9uQ) **New Picture** The eyes are way too big this time [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Amigurumi/s/t8eYhk5nid) **Nov 11, 2023** Ok he's done. I spent all afternoon tweaking him and I'm not going to mess with him anymore. He's been through enough. Thank you for all the suggestions and giggles on my previous posts! [Picture of the final result](https://imgur.com/a/0FYKUFy) **Final Picture** The owl is just right **TOP COMMENTS** **Mighty_Owl_14** >I’ve been living for the tiny owl saga the last few days 😂 **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

What's wrong?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18acxss/whats_wrong/

18b4aoq

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/shadysunrise **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **AITA for not letting my in-laws be our sons godparents** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1703a5n/aita_for_not_letting_my_inlaws_be_our_sons/?share_id=g1mzclojh_3PSn-Tk-LhF&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Oct 4, 2023** My husband (25M) and I (27F) had our first baby two months ago and are over the moon to be parents. We’ve been enjoying our time bonding together and sharing our little bundle of joy with our families while we can, as my husband is in the military and we are only going to be in town for a couple months before heading back to his duty station. As other parents know, having a baby isn’t all fun and games, and there are certain things that need to be decided, one of them being our son’s baptism and godparent(s). My husband is Catholic and I was baptized Lutheran, but I mainly attended non-denominational churches on and off growing up until I met my husband. We decided a long time ago we wanted our children to be raised in the Catholic Church. An important detail for those who are unfamiliar, a godparent in the eyes of the Catholic Church is meant to serve as a religious guide and confidant to the child, and therefore must also be Catholic. This is where we started to run into some problems. My husband’s entire immediate family is Catholic, as well as his maternal grandparents. I have a grandmother that is Catholic as well, but that is it. None of them are actively practicing the faith. Unfortunately, due to my husband being in the military and his deployments, as well as COVID in the early years of our marriage, we have not been regularly attending the same church and have not made any connections. However, my husband has a coworker and friend that he gets along with and enjoys spending time with in and outside of work who is Catholic, and has been very encouraging to my husband when it came to religion. We will call him James. To me, James was the obvious choice as a godparent because he was a good friend to my husband and has always taken his faith seriously, but my husband disagreed. He felt that James may not always be around for our son, whereas his family, specifically his parents, would be. I understood that was a possibility, but at the same rate, I didn’t feel it would be fair to place that responsibility on my in-laws when they didn’t even know if they believed anymore. I know if asked, they would not say no, and I felt that they would now be forced to invest time in something that they potentially wanted no involvement with. I also personally had a fear of showing favoritism towards my in-laws since we decided his parents would be the ones to have custody of our son if something happened to us, but this was not a deciding factor in our decision. At this point, custody was not something we had talked to anyone about and we didn’t formally have in writing yet (this is important for later). It took several conversations, but my husband and I came to an agreement that James was the best choice for the role. However, my husband wanted to give his parents the courtesy of explaining why we made this choice. I asked him why he felt this way and wanted to make sure he wasn’t seeking advice from them because it’s our decision (he does this sometimes with difficult decisions for an extra viewpoint), and he assured me he was not, and that he felt it could catch them off guard and thought it was best to handle it this way. My husband decided to talk to his dad first because his mom tends to get very emotional about these things. His dad was supportive and said it was ultimately our choice, but that he didn’t think this conversation would go over well with his mom because she has expressed in private that she feels she failed as a parent from a religious standpoint. My husband then brought up how they would be receiving custody if something happened to us, and his dad said that when he talked to his mom, he needed to focus on the custody aspect rather than the religious aspect to soften the blow. When my husband was relaying this to me I was caught off guard, because our son’s custody had nothing to do with our decision for James to be the godparent and shouldn’t have even been brought up until we had it in formal writing, and that if we changed our minds we would be put in a bad position. I said that it would be inappropriate to use our son’s custody as a cover-up for the real reason we chose James, and that it was unfair to my parents to hash out the intimate details of why we chose my in-laws over them with his mom. My husband expressed that he felt it would save his mom from having her feelings hurt and revisiting the pain she feels from “failing” as a parent. I said that it’s not our responsibility to make his mom feel better for the actions she has made, and that we didn’t even need to provide an explanation to her. After a moment of silence, my husband asked if I’d reconsider having his parents be the godparents. I said no, and that I knew the second he talked to his dad he would change his mind and we’d be back at square one again. What we want to do for our son is our decision, not anyone else’s. He expressed that he was again worried about his mom feeling embarrassed about not being selected, especially during the baptism at the local church, and that maybe if we gave her the chance to be his godparent, she could make up for her shortcomings and feel better. I again said no, I’m not setting the precedent that if she’s upset, we will give her what she wants. We talked again for awhile but ultimately landed back to not fully having a decision. We are running out of time because we would ideally prefer to have the baptism before we head back to our duty station in November. I could tell my husband was really struggling and I am wondering if maybe I was taking this too seriously or being too harsh on him, or setting him up to hurt his mom. AITA? &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **tropicsandcaffeine:** Godparents are actually just symbolic now. My godchild has six godparents (three male, three female - only two are married couples). One is not actively religious. Two are not of the exact same religion. It also does not determine custody anymore. Can you just have multiple god parents? If custody issues come up write up a legal document stating who you want to have custody. >**OP:** We will have custody put in our will, so there won’t be any questions of who will take him in. As far as the godparents go, we could have more but in the actual baptism they only allow for two, and they have to be of opposite six with one of the two being Catholic and the other a Christian. My husband feels it would be weird to have my MIL and James be the godparents together, so it would either be both my in-laws or neither. **sunshinedaydream774:** It kind of feels he’s more concerned with his moms feelings than yours- the other parent. >**OP:** His family is pretty close knit, so he cares a lot about what they think/feel. I’ve made it very clear the decisions are ours to make and I’ve stood and will continue to stand my ground. Ordinarily, I would call myself easy-going but becoming a parent has really given me the confidence I need to stand up for what I want. My husband and I have agreed on almost everything, except for this matter. I’m not sure why this time is different, but I’m trying to be patient as it’s the only issue we’ve had since our son has arrived and he seems very worked up about it. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/185ox33/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_inlaws_be_my_sons/) - **Nov 28, 2023** Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post and provided support and guidance. We officially had my son’s baptism Sunday, so I wanted to wait and make sure everything went smoothly before posting an update. Shortly after my first post, my husband had to leave town for a training, so he went back to his duty station to get all his equipment ready since he didn’t have it where we are currently living. This meant that he got to spend some time with James and get away from the stresses of home. As I initially thought, as soon as my husband spent some time with James, he felt good again about our original decision to have him as the godfather. He spoke with James and he was extremely honored and excited to have this special role in our son’s life. My husband went to his training and was gone for almost six weeks, so I was handling everything at home, including details for the baptism. My husband said that he wanted to be able to talk to his mom in person about the godparent decision before I sent out details, so I respected that and avoided the conversation with her. When my husband flew back into town, we decided to have his mom pick him up so I could take care of our son. The airport is an hour away and he was getting in late, so we didn’t want to take our son out and mess up his sleep schedule. When my husband got home, he said that he talked to her and she didn’t seem phased by the conversation, and that she even seemed peppy. I was relieved that everything went well, especially for my husband’s sake. I did feel slightly upset about all the unnecessary stress, but based off of past situations I could understand why my husband was worried about navigating the situation. Everything with my MIL was smooth sailing from there. She went online and to the store to buy baptismal gifts, talked to us regularly about her excitement for us, and even offered to help host a lunch afterwards so everyone could spend time together and celebrate the occasion. James came into town and my MIL, along with the rest of the family, was warm and welcoming. Unfortunately there was some other drama unrelated to my MIL that happened at the actual baptism, I haven’t decided if I would share yet, but i’m glad everything worked out in the end. Thanks again and you may be hearing from me again soon. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for not letting my in-laws be our sons godparents

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18b4aoq/aita_for_not_letting_my_inlaws_be_our_sons/

18b4b18

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Silent-Earth-3654 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITA for being upset my boyfriend is buying his mother a more expensive gift?** **EDITOR’S NOTE: ADDED SPACES FOR READABILITY** Trigger Warnings: >!mentions emotional manipulation!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/185kg8g/aita_for_being_upset_my_boyfriend_is_buying_his/?share_id=I-lFnjQrR-RuxMpVr7DPG&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 27, 2023** I (18f) have been with my bf(20) for a year n some change. I would just like to say I’m not saying I hate his mother we actually get along quite well. But recently since holidays are coming up we were casually talking about gifts. I told him I would be getting his mom a necklace of this certain genre she likes. He has decided to get her these really expensive shoes. For a bit of context we are going on a family trip and he had told me since he was going to pay for my ticket that I would unfortunately have to settle for a non so expensive Christmas gift since he wouldn’t be able to afford it. I said sure that was fine but i also had offered to give him atleast half of the money for the plane ticket but he wouldnt let me no matter what. But now he can afford to buy his mother expensive shoes while the only thing hes getting me is PJS? im not trying to sound rotten or spoiled i just dont understand why im getting the short end of the stick when he had told me he wouldn't be able to afford anything crazy. Hes also not one of those obsessed boy moms tho his mother is a bit like one. He has always defended me and has even threatened to move out of their home if they ever crossed any boundaries with me. And i know they dont hate me because they have always supported me financially and emotionally ( im an orphan) so this is why this situation feels a little weird for me i don't know if I'm allowed to feel this way or stay quiet n just suck it up. Update: I thought I should make this clear since there was some miscommunication. The plane ticket isn’t a Christmas gift he had got it for us for our anniversary in September. Yes I have offered to pay for it multiple times I am not spoiled and accepted it right away. But either ways judging off of everyone’s comment it seems that I am the asshole. So I will apologize to him and talk to him about everything. Update 2: a lot of people have been saying what do I bring to the table or what worth do I have to be compared to his mother. Which I don’t think it’s appropriate if I were to make a list of things that I do for him and he does for me would it actually be out of genuine or would it be out of keeping tabs. I only brought up the groceries comment so people didn’t think I actually just let him spend so much of that money. Also just for a little buffer a lot of people don’t seem to understand why our relationship is the way it is and to put in simple terms his family n I are close because of events we went thru together that includes when I was in a life threatening accident, when our dog/cat passed away, when he was failing school we all pulled the way to push him thru school and finally when my court trial proceedings started happening his family was their to make me feel like I wasn’t alone. Like I said I’ve never disliked his family and our bond is practically unbreakable I was never upset she got a better gift she’s done a lot for us. I was only upset because it was something we had talked about that he wouldn’t go overboard with the not getting any expensive Christmas gift did not just apply to me it was for everyone . In my eyes him getting me the pjs seemed like a way to soften the blow from making the purchase without telling me knowing him and I are trying to save for a future together. **AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the comments, OOP is YTA** &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Commentator asked if the boyfriend has been able to spend some money on his mother since she has been nice to OOP. And if the boyfriend has been spoiling his mother too much.** >**OP:** No it’s completely okay my fault for reading it wrong. his parents are very well off which is why he is also pretty well off he doesn’t get his mother a lot of things why is why I was so shocked this year because last year he didnt get his mother anything since her husband had bought her everything she wanted so she asked nothing from him. I’m assuming maybe the circumstances have changed this year which is why I will be talking to him because maybe there’s something I don’t know. But even then I just thought ( which is my fault) that we were going to stick to our budget like we had said we would. But everyone else is right I’m only his girlfriend so my words weight shouldn’t as much as his mothers does. I can see that point that everyone is making now. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/185td2y/update_aita_for_being_upset_my_boyfriend_is/) - **Nov 28, 2023** This is a little bit of a long update so I’m super sorry. I realized I didn’t mention this in original post but me and boyfriend do live together so when the original post went up he was already asleep so we didn’t get the chance to talk about it till we woke up this morning to go to the gym. He did apologize to me for not communicating that he was going to go out of budget again with his mother’s gift. He had explained that after buying my plane ticket he was planning on not getting anything expensive for anyone. But when the time came around he was struggling to find something that lived up to his mother’s taste so he had to go a bit out of budget so she wouldn’t be disappointed. He originally said he didn’t want to get her anything but since her husband got her this new bag she wanted at the beginning of the year he didn’t want to get her anything else for Christmas so in return my boyfriend felt bad and got her something since she kept calling him about how upset she was. I felt terrible and told him that I was sorry for getting so upset I just didn’t understand why he had a sudden change of mindset. We both do agree that I should go to therapy a bit more since the only reason why it affected me so much was because I did not have the capabilities to understand why his relationship with his mother was the way that it was and we both agreed it was partially because I never had one with my own set of parents to understand. So I excused myself on behalf of that and agreed that just because I don’t feel comfortable or understanding of something doesn’t give me the right to assume things. He reminded me that I will always be his number one priority and the first in line for everything but that this time around was different because his dad decided to not step up the plate for his mother and he apologized keeping this from me despite not having a reason too. As for me picking up the bill for groceries he did notice and said he was grateful that I cared enough to make sure he didn’t waste anymore money but a fear of having no money was the one feeling he could not share with me and that issue alone was something that I had to work on. Which I do agree we grew up two different ways so I’ve always been the one to worry about the purchases we make and how will be able to abstain a comfortable future. So thank you for everyone who commented on the original post for humbling me but also thank you for making me realize that just because I see things one way doesn’t mean it the only way to see them. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for being upset my boyfriend is buying his mother a more expensive gift?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18b4b18/aita_for_being_upset_my_boyfriend_is_buying_his/

18b4b9c

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Prestigious-Sell-816 **WIBTA for not showing up to my fathers 40th birthday?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, child neglect and abandonment, ableism, verbal abuse, mentions vandalism, mentions physical violence!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/eMov2SB91o)  **May 7, 2023** Names changed for obvious reasons. My (19F) father (39M) is turning 40 next month. My mother (38F) and father have been divorced for 5 years. I hav 2 full blooded siblings. Janice (10F) and Phil (18M) along with a step brother Isaac (12M) and a half brother Henry (6M). I may have the ages wrong for my step brother and half brother but that is because I have not seen them since I was 16. But that is besides the point. Needless to say the reasons for divorce were messy. My father had an affair with my mothers friend Mora (38F) from high school and wanted to have an open relationship. My mother who is Christian said absolutely not and my father dropped the divorce on her. My mother got 75% custody over us and moved out of the house that my father rented. She moved in with my grandmother who is a rockstar for taking in me and my siblings. Due to my mothers medical condition she is unable to work or drive so, she had been a stay at home mom since I was born. My father was the one who was providing for our family financially. With his job as a member in the army. My father married Mora about a year or two after the divorce. She had his child a year into dating and after he had introduced us to her. There was some drama with Mora and my mother. Just for example: Her and her sister threw eggs at my grandmothers house (I know because I was there when it happened and watched her do this), she fought my mother outside the school parking lot for my conference (she lost by the way), and called my mother unfit and lazy despite knowing her medical history (I know this because she and I had followed each other on her Facebook). My father never stood up for my mother in this time and stood by what his new wife was saying and doing. He spent less time with me and my siblings and more time with her child and my half brother. I want to note that my two full blooded siblings Janice and Phil are on the spectrum and have autism. My half sibling and step brother do not. It is blatantly obvious that my father favors them because they are “normal” and “easier to deal with.” These are quotes from his mouth by the way. He missed very important moments in my life. I want to be an actress and I had landed a gig at a theatre in my state that is fairly well known when I was 16. I invited everyone to come see me and everyone came except for my father. His reasoning was because it was too far of a drive and that gas was expensive. My great grandfather who is well into his 80s made a point to come. He lives only 30 minutes from my father and has a similar financial situation to him and he made sure he could see me. So, I see my fathers excuse as complete nonsense. There are other things my father has done to me and my family but if I were to list everything I would run out of room. So, should I show up to my fathers big 40th birthday when he has missed major milestones in my life and after everything he has done to me and my family? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **PuzzleheadedFudge251** >Nta. The only reason he would want you there is to feel better about himself and his botched relationships with you and your mother and full blooded siblings. **OOP** >>Yeah, I’ve noticed the only time he seems to want to spend time with me is at events where the rest of the extended family are around. * **MyrtleMaye** >NTA why put the effort in for someone whoe hasn't for you? He sounds like a jerk and you'd be better off to cut ties if he treats you and your siblings badly **OOP** >>I pretty much have cut off all ties with him. The only time I see him is when he comes to pick up my brother and sister. But even then it’s only for 10 minutes. [Update - 6 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/PD4w0lWRBc)  **Nov 28, 2023** So, I’m (20F) sure everyone is wondering if I ended up going to my father’s 40th birthday party and no I did not. But, I did go to his place for Thanksgiving. Even after everything he did in my last post I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to try to have a relationship with him and be open minded. A full 7 days at his house trying to be open and talk and hang out with him and my step brother (13) and half brother (7) and step mother (39). But I shouldn’t be surprised that I got nothing from them. All my step brother and half brother wanted to do was sit in their room playing video games all day. I love video games and offered to join them but they told me they were already playing, didn’t have enough controllers, etc. They gave EVERY excuse in the book so I didn’t play with them. It was worse when my little sister(10) with autism wanted to play and my step mother told her it’s the boys room and to leave them alone. I talked with my step mother a few times about girl things and life. Like, how my college life was going, what my favorite tv show was at the moment, and other things like that. But of course the topic somehow switched to the divorce and her complaining about my father’s payment for child support. Then she started bad mouthing my grandmother (59) and mother (39). After that I was done with her. And I’m sure everyone is wondering how it went with my father. It didn’t. Not even a little bit of a conversation that carried on for a minute. He came into my room once or twice and just said, “hey” or “how are you” and then went back to his room to be on his phone. And believe me I tried to make it last longer and actually talk to him but he refused to get off the damn phone and talk to his oldest daughter. So, once I was back home after that horrible Thanksgiving I cried into my mother’s arms. I cried and cried the whole day that I got back. I wanted a relationship with my father. I wanted to try despite everything he’s ever done to me and now I see that no matter what, that he doesn’t care about me. So, I am done caring about him. He doesn’t get anymore second chances and I am completely cutting him off from my life. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Kikinasai** >It will get easier as he slowly fades from your memory. Don’t forget- you DESERVED a better father and one day you can build a family of your own and give your own kids the world that you were denied. It can be very cathartic. But you deserved better growing up and deserve better now. He failed you and you have done the mature and wise option here. You gave him one last shot so you wouldn’t have any regrets and you shouldn’t. Please thank your mom for being the type of mom that you could sob to- I’m sure it was devastating for her to see your so torn up as well. Bless you both. **OOP** >>I tell her thank you every day. She’s the reason I do what I do and the reason I’m the person I am today. I love her very very much. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

WIBTA for not showing up to my fathers 40th birthday?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18b4b9c/wibta_for_not_showing_up_to_my_fathers_40th/

18b4bf4

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Uncle-Barnacle **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole and their own page **AITA for rejecting my colleague's request to make her lunch?** Trigger Warnings: >!verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, hostile workplace!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/184fefy/aita_for_rejecting_my_colleagues_request_to_make/) - **Nov 26, 2023** I have a habit of making my own meals to work, simply because I love cooking and health related issues. So I just started a new job in a new company three months ago. And seeing me making my own lunch everyday has gotten me some attention from some colleagues, with that I was able to talk and mingle in a new environment. My colleagues tend to ask things like recipes, how long did I take to make it so and so; just small talk questions Everyone was okay except for this one girl from the same department from me, which I will name her as Sally (27F), a junior designer. From the first day she saw my lunch, Sally has thrown in a lot of comments like how envious she is that I could cook my own meals etc. It was fine until after one week later, she started asking me questions like "so when will you make me lunch?" I was taken aback but I thought she was joking and waved it off with a smile and a nod. After that, at least once a week, Sally would ask me the same question again and sometimes she'd even say things like, "you still owe me a lunch made by you" or she'll whine about me not wanting to cook for her. I've kindly turn her down everytime she brings up about this issue. Last Monday, she offered to pay me if I make her lunch, for 3 dollars. I told her no again and she was visibly upset. She told me it's not that hard to make her lunch since I'm already cooking for myself every day, single and I am being unsociable and unfriendly by not making her food. Since then, she has been passive aggressive towards me. As well as not willing to cooperate at work when I hand her new tasks. It has made me feel bad about it and I have no idea how to go about this, should I have just made her lunch just to keep the peace? This feels horrible and I don't know how to deal with it :( Edit: After reading all your comments, I think I will try to talk to Sally about this ad if that doesn't get through I'll have to discuss this matter with a same-ranking colleague or my supervisor 😔 **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Winter_Raisin_591:** NTA, tell her you are under no obligation to cook for her or anyone else. Full stop. I also suggest registering a complaint with HR before she turns this into something else. >**OP:** I've told her that before, but she'll go all "pick-me-up girl-ish" saying things like "but your food looks so good" it's honestly driving me crazy, especially now that her attitude has flipped 180 degrees after I turn her down for 3 months :((( &nbsp; [Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/user/Uncle-Barnacle/comments/184xkwr/update_aita_for_rejecting_my_colleagues_request/?share_id=KWg3Hixqwh1FMwkEaQlST&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 27, 2023** Not sure how do I post an update so I will just write it out on my own profile. First off, I would like to clarify some details I left out in my previous post, you can skip this if you don't really bother with the deets. For those who said Sally is flirting with me: I am 26F and Sally is anti LGBTQ, so I think flirting is highly impossible. For those who asked about my job: I work in a design agency as a senior designer. Sally is my work junior. I work closely with the juniors as I oversee their work. Also, I am actually from South East Asia, I used USD in my previous post was because Sally legit told me $3 because USD is 4 times more than our currency, somehow she believes it sounds nicer(?) So after reading most of your comments, I have gave it a long thought about how I want to approach this issue. With that, I decided to not make lunch today and bring Sally out for lunch as to confront her about this whole lunch thingy privately. I offered to pay for her lunch on the condition I pick the venue and she was quick to agree and her attitude went back to how it was before I declined her request. Which I find it weird, but yea, I was first relieved that at the least I could talk to her about things and hoping I can iron this out on my own. That 40 minutes of my life felt like hell, I brought up the issue of me not being comfortable with her recent attitude and her requests after we have ordered our food. The whole time I was talking to her she either zones out or just retorts with "why?" Or "why not?" Here's a little snippet of how our conversation went: Me: Sally, your constant pestering about how I should make you lunch is making me uncomfortable, I'd appreciate if you'd stop that. Sally: Why? Me: I mean like, I don't cook for anyone other than myself Sally: Why? Me: ... Because Sally, I'm your colleague not ur bf or mom or family Sally: but I don't see why you couldn't make me lunch just once, I'll pay you double this time. It felt like the conversation was going no where, the rest of lunch was filled with awkward silence. Sally would just sit there and stare at me without saying anything and I'm not sure if it's just her zoning out or she's somewhat pissed at me. She didn't even apologize , not once. The whole thing made my stomach feel weird, like something is grabbing my guts and twisting them around. The tension between us was awkward even the whole way we walk back to the office. Another senior designer, Mark, took notice and he pulled me away to talk about "work". Sally gave me one more look and walked to her seat. Mind you up til this point I have never talked to anyone in the company about Sally and things she had told me. I was brought into a breakout room, Mark went straight to the point. "Did Sally ask you for something ridiculous or weird?" Turns out, some people in the office were unhappy with Sally and her little antics. She once pestered a colleague into buying her souvenirs as this colleague does a lot of work travelling. In meetings, she would zone out when people are talking to her and she would always shift the weight to someone else; eg "well we have xxx so, there's nothing to worry about" also few times she'd take bits of food off guys' plates like fries and would giggle if anyone tries to tell her off. If the giggling doesn't work, she would retort the same why's and why not's I got during my talk with her. Mark suggests I should make arrangements with my supervisor to talk about it. They have all done it earlier this year and that stopped her from doing what she did to them...well most of them, she still zones out in meetings or mid conversations. I thanked Mark for his suggestion and decided it was a necessary next step. I have told my reporting manager about the gist of things, and I will be having a meeting with him tomorrow to give him more indepth details. Somehow, it's assuring to see he actually had to massage his forehead followed by a long sigh when I mentioned Sally's name. I hope things will get better after this. P/s as I was typing this I couldn't help but think back on some of Sally's behavior towards me throughout these three months and at most times it is weird and idk what to make of them, maybe I'll make a separate post about it if anyone is invested haha &nbsp; [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/user/Uncle-Barnacle/comments/185f82i/update_2_aita_for_rejecting_my_colleagues_request/?share_id=hUD7wJ_8rpruzMu8VYdLO&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1LINK) - **Nov 27, 2023** Not sure if anyone considers this an update but I just wanna write this out. I've talked about the whole Sally thing with my friends over discord last night while we were playing games. Apparently, some of my friends attended the same art school as Sally and was at one point sharing the same few classes. This is quite a famous art school in my country, if you tell people you are a designer, people's first guess would be you've studied there. From what I've gathered from my friends, in short, they described Sally as a person with bad social skills but is naturally gifted in design. She doesn't talk much but whenever she decides she wants to be friends with you she could only spout questions that are uncomfortable to most people. In one instance, Sally asked a classmate why did her parents get a divorce. With such, they've concluded she has bad social skills but they have never seen her reacting negativity when people dont respond to her, they were shocked when I told them she was being uncooperative at work. Also according to them, Sally behaves in a way that suggests her parents shield her from the world a lot. She's unaware of many things that's deemed common sense for most. She once became paranoid because she learned about scams in college and believed by picking up one phone call from a stranger would land her in a lifetime of debt. She's also very insecure about many things eg. her looks, her weight, relationships etc At the end of the day, they didn't know much about Sally personally because back then they thought she was nosy by always asking people very personal questions. However, Sally does have a few friends in college. With this in mind, I recall how Sally asked me weird questions such as, my salary as well as me joining the company as a senior despite her having more work experience than me as well as trying to dump her relationship problems on me. Maybe it is her attempt in trying to be friends with me(?) Now that I think about it, she needs some sort of professional help more than discipline for her actions. &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **kitthefaxal:** She definitely has some social issues and probably needs therapy but her behaviour goes beyond just not understanding social cues. She may be Nurodivergent (I'm Nurodivergent myself) and her parents protecting her has stunted her development greatly, but that's not an excuse for breaking boundaries continuesly and only stopping when a higher up is brought in. She must be an amazing designer to still have a job after all the things shes done and how she just doesn't seem to contribute to the team. She sounds like a nightmare to deal with honestly. >**OP:** Yes she does do good work, and I do realise her behavior it's not something you'd see everyday. I've suggested to my supervisor that if its possible for the company to kinda talk her into getting professional help since we do have this benefit called mental health claims. Nonetheless, I do hope for the best for Sally; unfortunately, I have no means nor the cability to help her. &nbsp; [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Uncle-Barnacle/comments/186dznd/final_update_aita_for_rejecting_my_colleagues/?share_id=h-B6i7WEc11-L-vZGAlPu&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 28, 2023** Hello everyone, this will be the final update. Took me a little while to write this post because I was busy at work. First of all, I'd like to thank you internet strangers for all the advice and similar experiences, it helped me a lot with navigating this situation as a whole. However, I'm still baffled by such behaviors esp in a work environment where I was taught people are professional there. Anyways, onto the main topic. I had my meeting about the issue I had with Sally first thing in the morning. I told my manager that the main problem is work, about how uncooperative she was with me. It didn't take long for him to link this whole thing back to Sally making "unreasonable requests for colleagues again". He didn't exactly tell me what the company would do at the time but mentioned that the company would take appropriate measures in regards to this. Soon enough, an email was sent to Sally with all the senior designers cc'ed in. In short, Sally will be put into probation as well as having a 30% pay cut and she has been assigned to a more stern and experienced senior designer (I heard she's really scary) for work evaluation. Sally only gets one more chance to keep her job, one more of those "requests" from her after this would result in termination. Sally started kicking and crying upon reading the email as she yelled "It's not fair!" repeatedly. Everyone looked at Sally briefly and went back into their own businesses. I saw some colleagues put on their earphones and raising the volume, some put on earplugs, and the ones sitting near her would just walk away with their laptops. No one consoled her, everyone just pretended she wasn't there. It felt as if I was watching a movie at this rate. Still a little worried that Sally would do something to me, I asked Mark if he could sit with me during lunch in case Sally tries anything. I'm not sure if Mark meant it as a joke or what but he said, "no worries she's not smart enough to to link this back to you." Lunch since that day has never been so peaceful and I'm looking forward to more peaceful lunches as long as I'm with this company. &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **effyoucreeps:** great job seeing this through til the end. you improved your and all of your coworkers’ (and superiors’!) work environment and mental health by leaps and bounds. i honestly wish the same for sally still NTA >**OP:** I do hope Sally understood what she's doing is not okay and improve herself. > >Though, I wouldn't see myself interacting with her anytime soon outside of work related matters. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.**

AITA for rejecting my colleague's request to make her lunch?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18b4bf4/aita_for_rejecting_my_colleagues_request_to_make/

18b4c9u

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRaDarkBeauty **How do I(27f) get my boyfriend's(33m) daughter who hates me to bond with me and not worry about how her mother will react?** **Originally posted to** r/stepparents **Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, verbal abuse, attempted parental alienation, drinking while child-minding!< [How do I(27f) get my boyfriend's(33m) daughter who hates me to bond with me and not worry about how her mother will react?](https://reddit.com/r/stepparents/s/Qe3ujJ24qk)  **Aug 13, 2023** TLDR: I am dating a man and his kid hates me because I was a mistress. How do I bond with them when they hate me? I was only trying to protect their dad from their mothers abuse and now i'm worried she is turning her kids against me even though her kid said she can make her own mind up, but because her and her mother get on well, I'm concerned she is worrying about her mother too much and is scared that she will upset her. Fake names.Chase, My boyfriend: 33m Jane, Chase's eldest daughter: 8F Alex, Chase's eldest son, and 2nd child: 5m Chelsea, Chase's 3rd child: 2f Jessica, Chase's youngest child: 9 months old Willow, Chase's ex and the kids mother: 31f Me: 27f This is how me and Chase met: Chase and his wife first met in January 2011 when he was 20 and she was 18. They began dating for 4-5 years until 2014 when Chase was 24 (his birthday is on summer), they both got married and welcomed a beautiful baby girl on July 14 2015 called Jane. They had more beautiful babies throughout the years and had a beautiful relationship until Chase filed for Divorce on December 2022. Their relationship was breaking down for multiple reasons such as they were both too tired to look after Jessica and I felt bad for Chase because he was made to do a lot of the work and Willow would always berate him. I first met him when I took my niece and nephew and younger cousins to the park and they were there. I overheard them argue as their children were playing so they couldn't hear them and they weren't noticing. Willow was asking him where the diapers were and Chase forgot. This has caused an argument since Willow answered back "Please tell me you did not forget the diapers? How am I supposed to change them now, hey? With leaves? The baby pooped itself. Can you go back to get them honey?". Chase said he can't because he's tired and he can't walk back 6 streets away just to get a packet of diapers. "What do you mean you can't walk back a few streets away? I was the pregnant one, not you. You don't have to worry after walking few streets away, Can you at least buy me a new pair of diapers?". Chase looked confused. "For you to?". "FOR THE BABY! Stop trying to be funny. I will go since you keep on doing my heading", Willow storms off to go to the shops. I asked him does she always yell at him this much. Chase told me pretty much since she got pregnant with the forth kid. "That's not normal. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's not normal to treat your partner like that. Pregnancy is not an excuse to be rude to people. How about I lend you a diaper so you can change the baby?" I asked him. He thanked me and then we made small talk. I met their baby for the first time and she was so adorable. Chase told me her name and I said hi to baby Jessica. From there, Chase and I became friends. I told him I found the wife needing diapers joke funny and we had a good laugh. Willow came shortly after a little stunned, but she didn't think much of it since she had male friends to and she's not the type of person to get paranoid over having friends the opposite gender. I quickly befriended Willow and we followed each other on Facebook and Instagram shortly after before coming home. I saw Chase a week later in a pub with his then wife Willow as they were having drinks for the first time since giving birth. Willow had to go to the bathroom, and I begun to chat to chase. I asked if Willow still nags at him which he responded yes. I felt bad and said "don't worry, if she can't treat you right then I will. Don't tell her or she will get mad" before winking at him which made him giggle. The problem: From there, we begun dating behind Willow's back until December 13 2022 when Willow came back with Jane to get her nails done and caught me and Chase cuddling on the sofa watching tv and she flipped out extremely at us to the point where both Willow and Jane were in tears because of it. Chase tried to explain it's not what it looks like until he realized no one was buying it. Alex was asking why his mum was yelling at his dad until Jane pointed at me and said it was my fault. Alex looked sad and went back upstairs. I told Willow we were sorry, but it was not appropriate to argue In Front of the kids and to think of the children. Willow screamed back "IF YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT THE KIDS THEN WHY DID YOU BREAK UP THEIR FAMILY? I finally found happiness after such a rough life I went through and you ruined it just because you wanted Chase for yourself just because you're jealous and you couldn't find anyone so you had to steal people away from others". Willow suddenly realized Jane was watching everything and began crying and apologizing to the children for making them watch that and she wasn't thinking straight but she didn't mean to upset them. The younger ones were just scared and stood there, but Jane told her it's ok and its not her mums fault that I'm horrible. I went quiet because I didn't know a 7 year old (7 at the time) knew what those words meant, but I guess she was repeating them from their mum so that's what influenced her to act that way. I apologized and explained to her that it wasn't appropriate for us adults to argue In Front of children. I explained how I tried to get them to stop, but her mother wasn't listening. She told me that me and her dad shouldn't made my mum angry if I didn't want her to shout at me, called me a fat pig and told me to get lost. She stormed off to her bedroom. How does a 7 year old know such details? I tried to explain that I am sorry for breaking up her family and asked if she wanted to move on, put that in the past and that me and Chase will always love the kids. Alex and Chelsea accepted my apology, but Jane kept on ignoring me. Chase and I got kicked out and he filed for divorce on December 15th (the court thing is still going). They ended up getting 50/50 custody (not straight away). When they first got to my house since I offered Chase and the kids to move to mine since I have more room, I wanted to welcome the kids by giving them a hug, but Jane pulled them away and said "she hurt mummy and made her sad so don’t go near her'' and told me she didn't want me here and she only came because she was forced to. I gave them their teddy bears with their names on it which I got knitted by my sister just for them with my own money (Chase offered to pay, but I refused). I thought it wouldn’t hurt to give the kids a small welcome present. Jane told me she hated the teddy bears and they look ugly. She said she has her own one that "mummy gave" and "mummies one was better". Why is she acting like her mum's personal therapist? It's not her job to look after her mums feelings and I said that she doesn't need to look after her mum and she said she isn't forced and that "I want to look after mummy forever even though she says I don't have to and it's her job but I still want to and she isn't forced" and accused me of trying to make her hate her mum. Jane came running back down to sit on the sofa. She used her fingers to go through the sewn up teddy bear and rip them apart, then stormed off to her bedroom. I went to my bedroom and cried. I got that made personally just for the children a a welcome gift and she destroyed it. Why is she rude to me every time she comes to my house? I know I upset her mother, but I want her to bond with me, but she wouldn't let me. I tried to come to her events, but she ran up to her mum and dad in happiness then pulled a tantrum every time she sees me and says what am I doing here and she doesn't want me here. She says she won't stop pulling a tantrum until I go and I had to leave almost every family event in tears because everyone will stare at me and give me dirty looks. She even skipped a few of her siblings' events because I was there and she said she won’t go if I'm going. Willow tells me that I should've thought about that before breaking up the family and I said I know and I'm sorry. I've already been punished enough and now my own boyfriend's parents and family hate me and don't want me at family events because they want Willow to feel safe in their home and Jane always starts crying every time I'm joining in. She got on well with Chase eventually, but she still hates me. Last month this year, I showed up with Chase to celebrate her birthday as Chase was invited, but she began screaming and crying and said she doesn't want me here and I ruined her birthday. She grabbed my present, opened it up, and broke the doll into pieces before throwing it in the bin and said it was the worst present ever and made me cry. Willow said "well no one told you to cheat with my ex-husband and break up the family. You should've thought about that beforehand and that it's her choice. If she doesn't want you here then you should leave since I didn't even want you guys coming here, but I only invited you both just so you don't sue me for parental alienation". Me and Chase were cussed out by the entire adults, especially Willow's grandad who came up to me and screamed at me saying it was my fault for breaking up the family and manipulating Chase along with Chase's mum even trying to escort me out with his dad escorting both of us out. It even got to the point where now she will get up, get changed, have a shower, have breakfast, brush her teeth, brush her teeth, go to her maternal grandparents, my parents, my grandparents or go out in the town with her mum all day, then come back late at night at 8:30pm, brush her teeth, get dressed and go to sleep. She even demands she has sleep overs to get away from me and her dad during his custody turn. He tried to sue for parental alienation, but the judge said unless she's sleeping over her mums during our custody term then her meeting up with her mum outside of her house is not violating custody agreements. I messed up. I tried to call a therapist yesterday, but Willow threatened to take me to court if I try to do parental stuff and it turned out she already put them in therapy ages ago and the therapist said while bonding with Chase will be nice, she doesn't have to not hate me if she doesn't want to as long as she’s being civil and won’t take it out on potential half siblings in the future. How do I get her to stop avoiding me and hating me and get her to understand that she doesn't have to be afraid of what her mother thinks? [AITAH for firing the babysitter?](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/DYb2Zuo9W9)  **Aug 15, 2023** fake names: Chase: 33M Me: 27F Jane: 8F Alex: 2F Jessica: 9 Months old Babysitter: 20F Mum: 60F Me and Chase were going on a date night. I hired a babysitter to watch over my boyfriends children while we go out to a restaurant out of our local areat to eat out. Chase had some rules that the children that the children sleep at 11pm, are not allowed fizzy drinks and are not allowed to drink or invite people to our home. They aren't allowed to take the children out after 7pm. That sounds reasonable in my opinion. I told the babysitter I made chicken nuggets, there's lollipops, packet of crisps, sweets or, a bowl of fruit and I also made some cheesecake if they get hungry. I letted her know not to serve them all at once, but they were just options. I even got juice cartons with straws incase they were thirsty and she understood. I gave her a list of instructions to so she knew how to look after the children, then me and Chase took off. I came back 2 hours later (it would usually take 1 hour and 30 minutes, but there was traffic and I letted the babysitter know and I apologized which she accepted and said she understand) and I found the babysitter feeding Jane, Alex and Chelsea a can of coke with 3 packets of smarties each (not 1 packet per child, 3 packets per child) which me and Chase didn't even buy, and the coke cans were on the highest shelf on our fridge which the children besides Jane wouldn't even notice if they opened it because the fridge is tall. Chelsea had coke dripping down her shirt and chocolate around her mouth, and Alex came up and cried to me and Chase because his stomach was hurting. I wondered where Jessica was, so I went to her cot (she has 2 cots. one upstairs and one downstairs in the living room and she was in the one in the living room) and found her eating a whole banana to herself. Jessica is being introduced to solids, but she can only eat apples and bananas if they are cut up, which is what was said on the paper. Chase immediately took the banana off Jessica which lead to her crying. Chase would've let the baby sitter off with a warning had it just been the coke or the 3 packets had the packets just been the packets we baught, but Jess could've been choking and suffer had she at the whole banana, not to mention, the babysitter baught a can of beer and drunk it at our home and left the children home on their own. Chase was understandably mad and fired the babysitter on spot while only giving her half of the money that she should be getting, even getting mad at the babysitter for going out while leaving the children on their own with Jane to look after since a 8 year old shouldn't be babysitting younger children, and drinking it while looking after the babies. Anything could've happened to his kids if they were left on their own for that long. It's not like Alex, Chelsea and Jane were 12, 15 and 19 because if that was the case then I wouldn't be that mad since someone of that age can look after themselves on their own for a short while, but a 5 year old, 2 year old and a 9 month old should not ever be left alone, and i'm just glad nothing happened to them. I even admit that I flipped out at the babysitter aswell. The babysitter left in tears after promising it wouldn't happen, but I didn't want to risk the children's safety and neither did Chase so we said to her it dosen't matter if it dosen't happen again, you left 4 young children on their own, was drinking alchohol while babysitting and she broke alot of rules and we weren't going to comprimise the childrens safety. The children (Jane, Alex and Chelsea) were up, and Jessica stayed in her crib after their dad sent them up so we could have a word with the babysitter so they didn't hear much since they had heaphones on and were watching cartoons on their tablets upstairs. That was that. Once the babysitter left, we went back up to put the children to bed (before you ask, we cleaned the chocolate off Chelsea and I took her to the dining room to the bathroom which was next to the kitchen to change while Chase was telling the babysitter off, while Jane and Alex just got wipes to wipe off the chocolate around their mouths). Today a few hours ago, I vented to my mum, but she complained that me and Chase were too harsh on the babysitter and everyone makes mistakes, so maybe we were being too hard on the babysitter. AITAH? Were Chase and I harsh on the baby sitter Extra information: Just incase you're concerned with us storing junk food, we don't usually keep junk food around our house. We just had one multipack of 8 chocolate bars and one mulipack of 6 packet crisps but we don't eat it too often. This was just a treat, and we limit how much junk they can eat, and they're not too big on junk food. [My (27f) boyfriend (33m)'s son (5m)'s mother (31f) is accusing us of parental alianation](https://reddit.com/r/stepparents/s/4ODJlispjj)  **Sept 2, 2023** BKBM (boyfriend's kids bio mother) got mad because she couldn't afford to get her son a lego set (the lego set costed £15) and her son came to me crying when it was my boyfriend's turn to get custody because his mum wouldn't get it because it was too expensive. He asked me why can't his mum can't afford toys over £10 and I told him don't worry, some people can't afford nice things, but it's ok, because I will buy it for you instead since I got enough money. I took him shopping with me to buy the lego set he wanted, and he got to take it home with him this monday when he went over to his mother's house and according to his mother, he went on about how he loves me so much because I bought him a toy. Apparently this made her mad because when me and my boyfriend came over yesterday to collect the kids, she had a go at me, and started accusing me of trying to turn her son against her cos now apparently her son says he likes me more because I can buy him the lego set and she couldn't so he loves me more. I tried to explain to my boyfriend's son that not everyone can afford nice things, but that wasn't good enough for her because i'm apparently trying to cause drama, even though she the one that argues infront of her and my boyfriend's kid instead of talking to us privately like grownups, but I was just trying to look out for her financially and save her the burdern of spending alot of money because she isn't broke, but she can't afford stuff that most people can. my boyfriend even said that we're not trying to cause drama and that he can return it if he wants, to which she said "so what? You can tell the kids that I won't let them play with toys you and your girlfriend buy and have them hate me even more (they don't hate her, but her son wished she could buy him toys over £10). I'm not falling for that. You know what what? Forget it, but if you even try to pull that **** with me and try to turn the kids against me then there will be serious trouble. She said goodbyes to my boyfriend's kids and headed home. My boyfriend's son asked if he will be introuble and asked if he isn't allowed to play with his lego to which me and his father said to not worry and nothing will happen. We said he can play with it if he wants. He dosen't touch the lego set now because he's scared that his mother will get upset, even though it's just a toy. This isn't the first time that she had tried to poison my boyfriend (and her) kids against us, and even the law had to step in, get her introuble, and warn her that we could sue her for parental alienation if she turns the kids against us. She tried to sue us for parental alienation once and lost, so now she's bitter that she can't turn the kids against us. I didn't think trying to save my boyfriend's children's mother money and spending alot on a toy is a bad thing, but it's now "bad co-parenting" and overstepping. Was I really overstepping? [How to sooth a crying baby on a plane or put it to sleep on a plane?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/YoiRX3Nl59)  **Nov 17, 2023** Me, my boyfriend and his children are going abroad on December to visit his family for christmas.  One of them is a baby (yes, BM is ok with it and we booked her a hotel and paid for her ticket and plane aswell and my boyfriend will also pick her up to), and this is my first time travelling with a baby (1f) as a grownup (27f). Because I do not want to disturb the other passengers on the plane, what can I bring to put a baby to sleep and how can I put a baby to sleep on a plane? I will bring her favorite teddybear and I will put on cartoons on for her, but she will be tired since the plane ride will be long and I can't really walk around while holding her when she is crying because other people do not want to hear her cry understandably, so how can I put a baby to sleep on a plane? What have you done to sooth a crying baby on plane or put a baby to sleep on a plane? **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

How do I(27f) get my boyfriend's(33m) daughter who hates me to bond with me and not worry about how her mother will react?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18b4c9u/how_do_i27f_get_my_boyfriends33m_daughter_who/

18b4cu1

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/JordanHorcrux **Crocheting butts… how…?** **Originally posted to** r/crochet **Thanks to u/rolyCats for suggesting this BoRU** **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Baby got back!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/crochet/s/QneZX0Hg9g) **July 6, 2023** So… I’m crocheting the grimace from McDonald’s for a friend, and I’d really like to give it a grape juice dump truck dumpy, but I don’t know how to crochet butts. Right now I’m on 23rd row, and the row ends on 44 stitch’s… Where do we go from here?? Edit; I should also add the pattern I’m writing for this goes head to its Welches Grape Juicy ass rather than it’s stubby legs to head. I’ve seen the ‘trick’ where you just thread a needle through its lower back and bottom, but I don’t like how this contorts the final project. It leaves weird stretched stitch holes in the pattern that gives a Hank Hill butt vibe… **TOP COMMENTS** **ivylily03** >I'd make the butt separately and attach it. Like a Kardashian * **Neljosh** >I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much joy you’ve brought into the world today * **abutcherbird** >No advice for you, but I found this post hilarious. When I read it aloud to my adult daughter, she was fake scandalized and gasped "Not the Grim-ussy [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/crochet/s/rpoMDAkKmQ) **July 12, 2023** So, I couldn’t really find anything. I had reached out to some artists but- no dice home slice. I did find one artist who had a video that a redditer had posted on my previous post, so I ended up watching how they formed the thunder-thiqqness’ and pretty much did the same thing to my piece (once you get to where you want your stink pillows, increase every stitch- EXCEPT THE PARTITION. In this case, the Grimace’ great purple sea. I would single crochet four times then going back to increasing to complete cheek number two. Just match your increases is all) Thing is, I increased along it’s hips so it’s giving Nicki Minaj a run for her money. Oh well… Thoughts..? I still need to do the face but, it’s something. [Image 1](https://imgur.com/a/8NV5kIZ) *Plain looking Grimace* Kind of looks like a dollar tree Patrick Star. [Image 2](https://imgur.com/a/KiGeifN) *sideways photo of Grimace with extra buns* 🎶I got the whole world, in my hands… 🎶 [Image 3](https://imgur.com/a/70WN84F) *backside of Grimace with big Ole buns* Must be burgers because jam don’t shake or wtf ever… **TOP COMMENTS** **EyeofMinds** >Look at Grimace, double cheeked up on a Tuesday afternoon. Hella ass. >I love it :P * **SuchFunAreWe** >I laughed so gd hard at that cake reveal * **David_cop_a_feeel** >Thicker than a McFlurry. The ice cream machine is obviously not out of order. Good work, OP! * **tilmitt52** >Stupid Sexy Grimace * **mustardlyy** >Be careful grimace! The clapping of your asscheeks could alert the guards! * **Expert_Painting6714** >Oh. My. God. BECKY! >Look at its butt. * **DesertSpool** >Must be hard for that grimace having to drive that huge dump truck !! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Crocheting butts… how…?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18b4cu1/crocheting_butts_how/

18bsnuh

__I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Open_Breadfruit_5391 in r/AITAH__ trigger warnings: >!still born, verbal abuse, and emotional manipulation!< --- [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17yh7sm/aita\_for\_wanting\_to\_divorce\_my\_husband\_because\_he/) - __November 19th 2023__ I(27,F) have been with my husband (29,M) for five years, married for three of those years. Our marriage was perfect and we were so happy. It felt like our entire life was perfect. Church on Sunday, loving husband, beautiful home, all of it. A few months into our marriage I became pregnant and my husband and I were overjoyed and so was the rest of our family. My husband was especially happy after finding out our baby was a boy as he'd always told me he wanted at least one son. I even started to try to attempt to repair my relationship with my mother so our son could have a relationship with his grandparents. I had originally cut off most contact with my mother due to how she treated my brother when he married his husband, though my brother said he was alright with my decision to try to get her back in my life since he still has love for her and my baby was her first grandchild. However our son ended up stillborn, and it broke me. I fell into a depression and even at one point considered taking my life, but my husband was there for me during all of it and we got through the grief. Our marriage felt stronger than ever and life started slowly feeling beautiful again, even if it no longer felt perfect. About five months ago I found out I'm pregnant again, and then found out soon after that we're having triplets. My husband and I were over the moon and he was the most doting and loving husband. Since we had always said we wanted 2-3 children we agreed we wouldn't try for anymore children after this. Because of our and our family's excitement for the triplets we decided to throw a baby shower and gender reveal party. We trusted my brother with the genders of the triplets and he bought some confetti cannons with the colored streamers inside. The baby shower went wonderfully with my parents, in-laws, my brother and his husband and their daughter, and tons of friends and extended family. It was like a dream come true and I was so excited for the gender reveal. I don't care what the gender of our babies was I just wanted healthy little babies, but my husband was clearly excited for potentially three sons. When the time came me, my husband, and my brother all shot a confetti cannon and all three shot out pink confetti. I was so excited and so was my brother but my husband screamed at the top of his lungs and hit the table in front of us, hitting it so hard that it actually broke. He screamed at me that I was supposed to give him at least one son because I killed his first one. That's when I burst into tears. I had been so broken up about our son's stillbirth and a part of me had felt it was my fault, and now he my husband was, the love of my life, telling me that it was. My brother immediately stepped in and tried to get my husband to calm down but my husband shoved my brother, so my brother instead pulled me inside where I cried in the living room while my husband's mother tried to calm him down. I could hear him screaming outside about how three daughters is too many, how he doesn't want four kids but he also wants a son. Ever since that moment my husband has hardly talked to me. He's been sleeping in the guest room and when we do interact he's clearly upset and mad and tries to argue with me. I tried to talk to him about it and asked about how he'll be with our three daughters, but he spat at me and told me he will provide them shelter and food but he isn't interested in daughters and doesn't plan to have a close relationship with them. That sealed the deal that I want to divorce him and I cried myself to sleep last night. Earlier today I confided in my mother and MIL about all this but they told me I can't divorce my husband just because he wants a son. I don't want my daughters to grow up in an unloving household where their parents constantly argue and their father doesn't love them. The moment my husband said I killed our son I felt as though I lost all love I had for him in an instant, and I don't want my daughters to be in that kind of household. However both my mom and MIL say it's just natural for men to want sons and that at least he isn't saying he'll mistreat them. They treated this as absolute fact and acted as though I'm just a silly little girl who doesn't know anything, I felt incredibly small and stupid. I don't know what to do. My mother and MIL make me feel like maybe I'm overreacting to my husband's behavior, but my brother says this is not normal as he and his husband are both men who absolutely love their daughter. I'm also not sure of what I'll do with myself if I divorce my husband. I don't work and I'm not sure how I'll be able to find a job that can support me and three babies all on my own, or how I'll make time for all of them when I have to work. I feel so lost and helpless. I'm torn on what to do because I worry divorce will be too brash of a decision and that maybe my mother and MIL are right. AITA? What should I do? [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17z2c4d/update\_aita\_for\_wanting\_to\_divorce\_my\_husband\_for/) - __November 20th 2023__ UPDATE: AITA For Wanting To Divorce My Husband For Wanting A Son? I didn't expect to have an update so soon, but after reading everyone's comments I decided to take action immediately and went to my brother's house. We talked for hours through the night and came up with a plan. I am going to divorce my husband. He's shown the kind of man he is and I don't want to live in or raise daughters in that kind of environment. I'm going to move in with my brother and BIL during all this. He and his husband have a nice, large house where I can have my own room and a nursery for the triplets. I originally worried that perhaps myself and three babies would be overwhelming or a burden to him and my BIL but they assured me they would love to have us here. I knew everything would be okay when my brother even offered to have a baby monitor put in their bedroom so he could help if more than one of the triplets woke up during the night. My BIL has a nice, high paying job and my brother works from home, so I will have a stable environment and my brother will help with his nieces. My own niece is excited for us to live with her. The current plan is I will live with my brother and BIL for a while and once my babies are old enough where I feel comfortable putting them in daycare, which my BIL has offered to pay for, then I can try to find a job of my own where I can save up money and eventually move into a nice place of my own with my daughters. I'm so thankful for my brother and BIL, they truly feel like angels. My brother and I are also going to go no contact with my mother. My brother and I discussed her behavior with us growing up, how she treated him when he came out and also got married, and how she's treated me these past few days. We decided this was the best course of action as we've given her many chances in our lives to became more stable and kind but she's always refused them, and we want our daughters to grow up in with a loving family. When I knew my husband had left for church this morning my brother, BIL, and I went to my house and got all my important things such as documents, clothes, and things that are special to me as well as all the baby things. My BIL's mother watched my niece while we did all this. She's a kind woman and has offered to be a grandmother to my own babies, which I happily accepted. I will admit that I cried, I've cried a lot lately, but mostly happy tears. Because my brother and I didn't go to church my ladies bible study group texted me and asked if we were alright and if we needed anything. I texted them back and told them the truth and what happened, and they were all horrified. They told me they support me and are proud of me for taking action, and are now even planning a bake sale at the church to help raise money for me and my babies. Also apparently when my husband went out to lunch after church with his men's bible group, one of the other members is husbands to one of my friends in my bible group and when he found out what happened he yelled at my husband so much that he cried. I got a little bit of joy out of hearing about that, not going to lie. My pastor even called me and asked if I'm okay, and he let me know that I'll always have people who support me at my church, which I'm very grateful for. After my husband came home from church and saw that most of my stuff was gone he blew up my phone, but my BIL called him for me and said that he would pay for my husband to get therapy for his grief over our son and also told him to leave me alone. My husband has not tried to contact me since, and he has yet to give my BIL an answer for his therapy offer. All in all I'm so grateful for my brother and BIL, I wouldn't be able to do any of this without them. I'm hopeful for the future and while this isn't the kind of future I imagined myself or my babies this is definitely the best one I can currently give them. They say it takes a village, and my babies will definitely have a village full of love and support. Thank you and bless you to everyone who left comments supporting me. I'm grateful for all of them. I'm glad I could give you a very speedy and happy update. __Reminder - I am not the original poster.__

AITA For Wanting To Divorce My Husband Because He Wants A Son?

INCONCLUSIVE

Miaisfunladybuglover

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18bsnuh/aita_for_wanting_to_divorce_my_husband_because_he/

18bweb8

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/justathrowaway282641 **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.** Trigger Warnings: >!death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17v4okn/my_family_forgot_to_invite_me_to_my_grandparents/?share_id=y0q2RzEoLKlOopZAe-Xxd&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 14, 2023** I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group. Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility. Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021. Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”. Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down. Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to. I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season. Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them. &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **teaandtomes:** Yeah- they know they messed up big time and don't want to admit it. But they created this narrative to make themselves look/feel better and now have pushed it so hard that friends and the community are in on it. They might even believe it themselves at this point- it can happen. I agree with your husband. Take a break and decide what is best for you going forward (IOW, what can you live with and how much do you want them in your life given the gaslighting). So sorry- families can be difficult, especially with self-created drama. >**OP:** That's kinda our thoughts. That they forgot, and don't want to lose face in the community. And now they've dug themselves in too deep to get out. If they truly do believe it, it scares me that they've all agreed to this delusion. **squarziz:** I feel like I need more info but not even sure what to ask. However to me it sounds intentional they didn't invite you, and were maybe hoping this would make you want to move home again so you don't 'forget' anymore family events? If anyone said something like 'well if you lived in town you would have known ' then that's the answer. It would also make me want to find out how everyone else was told about said funeral. Were they called? Texted? Emailed? Told at 4th of July? Maybe if everyone else was invited in person they did just forget to invite you, but even that he would seem kind of like a stretch if you do go back visit and call as much as you say. >**OP:** I thought this at first, but it just seems so cruel and unlike them. They like where I live. Say it's nice and occasionally visit. I don't know how the event was organized, but I'm guessing word of mouth. Like I said, I was there just a few days earlier. We had a big meal and set off fireworks. Hubby and I had taken the 5th off and we left that evening after a lovely dinner and some board games. We talk all the time on the phone. My step mom calls me almost every night. Used to anyway. It's been a weird few weeks not talking to them. I get home from work, and start automatically pulling up someone to call, and then I remember. I usually talk to my dad every Sunday morning while we drink our coffee. Not having him call this week had me sitting outside in my usual spot and just...sitting? I don't know how to describe it. Felt kinda numb and weird. Hubby's been working on cheering me up. He's so angry at this whole thing. I'm afraid he's gonna just leave one morning, drive over there, and start knocking heads around. **tropicsandcaffeine:** The majority of the people if pressed would not remember you there. They just think that because no one remembers who is at a funeral. You are being gaslight by your parents. They do not want to admit their mistake. Just stay home and enjoy your own time. If anyone says anything tell them you can provide proof you were geographically elsewhere. There is no reason for you to lie. And ask them for proof you were there. Photos. Standing up to talk. Anything. They will not be able to do so. >**OP:** I asked for photos. They sent me the one we took on the 4th of July a few days prior. When I pointed out the sparklers the neighbor kids had in the background, step dad just got testy about it. Now they've all just stopped responding to any of my messages and requests for proof, or my presenting of proof. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/justathrowaway282641/comments/1853au1/update_to_my_family_forgot_about_me_for_a_funeral/) - **Nov 27, 2023** Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think? It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses. We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18bweb8/my_family_forgot_to_invite_me_to_my_grandparents/

18bwem3

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/thrwaynewmom **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **AITA for not telling my father and stepmother about my son's birth?** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional abuse, verbal abuse, possible parental alienation, infantilizing behaviors!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17py7re/aita_for_not_telling_my_father_and_stepmother/?share_id=lOztScMQvUtIHSrVEVdRU&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 7, 2023** My (26F) father (59M) has been dating "Paula" (38F) for 4 years. I never got to know her well, as I was about to move out when we met. My sister (20F) still lives between our parents and likes Paula, but finds her annoying. Paula has an odd attitude towards pregnancy. It became the most obvious when my cousin announced she was expecting back in 2021. Her daughter would be the first great-grandchild. We hadn't been sure my grandma would be around for that. And after an emotional announcement in which everyone was overjoyed, Paula commented that she felt it wasn't a big deal, and "didn't get what all the fuss was about". She kept that stance for all 9 months. But once the baby was born, Paula suddenly became a bit too interested in her, which my cousin was clearly uncomfortable with. My husband (28M) and I announced our pregnancy earlier this year. At first, my father was over the moon. Since this is his first grandchild, I believed that would last. But as I heard from my sister, Paula was just as condescending as we expected, if not more. Whenever I announced anything about my pregnancy or baby (sex, first kicks, ultrasound pictures, etc.), Paula always reacted with one of 3 phrases: "okay"; "that's not that big a deal"; or "is that all she talks about these days?". I didn't care about it at first. But after a few weeks, I started to notice my father was also losing any interest he had in my pregnancy. As the months went by, he became increasingly detached and standoffish. He started to either ignore or not pay attention to most of the updates I made on my baby. He also didn't come to our "name reveal" (we did that instead of a gender reveal; it was literally just a lunch party with a game we made up) or the baby shower because, and I quote, "Paula doesn't think it's worth it". My son was born on Halloween, and I decided not to tell my father and Paula. After almost nine months of excuses and disinterest, I didn't see any reason to. I was in the hospital for 4 days, during which only mine and my husband's closest friends and family visited us. The day before we left, I posted a picture of my son on Instagram, and that's when my father found out. He called to ask why I hadn't told him and Paula or invited them to meet my baby. I didn't lie: they didn't make any efforts to get involved (both emotionally and physically) during my pregnancy, so they'd have to wait for baby news like everybody else. My father and Paula are furious, accusing me of using my son as a pawn and keeping them away out of pettiness. They're saying I'm holding the fact that they "missed a few dumb parties" against them. My husband and pretty much my whole family agrees with me. My sister, while mostly on my side, still thinks I should have told my father, since this is his first grandchild and he had to find out he was born through social media. She thinks this is all Paula's fault and I should apologize to our dad. AITA? **VERDICT: NOT ENOUGH INFORMATION** &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Realistic-Site-3952:** NTA But I think you need to have a conversation with your dad. You need to let him know he will inevitably miss out on a lot more if he continues to mirror Paula's indifference in shared family milestones. It is not everyone else's responsibility to compensate. If he intends to have a relationship with his grandchildren, and also have relationships with with other relatives. He needs to be willing to do his part as well and express interest and participate. And no, it isn't about showing up to parties. It is about making the effort to be included when you are invited to be and not dismiss those invitations as if they are meaningless. >**OP:** I'm trying to make that clear to them. My father missed my graduation; not coming to my baby shower doesn't bother me that much. It's the condescending attitude and lack of interest they have both been displaying my entire pregnancy that made me decide not to tell them. **SubstantialYouth9106:** NTA. All of the ESH replies are dumb as hell. Paula has your dad twirled around her finger. The only two in-person baby events that you had, they didn't show up, and your dad was standoffish for the majority of your pregnancy due to Paula. He is a grown-ass man. He doesn't get to all of a sudden meet and be involved in his first grandchild's life when he barely cared before. Guaranteed he only wanted to come to the hospital for photos and to post on social media and show off. Apologizing to your dad will not do anything, but only enable his BS. He needs to step up, put his foot down to Paula, and show you that he genuinely and actively wants to be a part of your immediate family's life. Your dad can be updated via social media until he gets his face out of his behind and acts like an actual father. >**OP:** My father is against posting pictures of children on social media, but he's definitely the type of person to try to show off in real life. That being said, I do believe he genuinely wanted to meet my son at the hospital. **PortionOfSunshine:** Honestly the naming party I can see being like a “well that’s a little dumb” kind of like gender reveal parties, BUT TO MISS THE BABY SHOWER my god. To ignore the part where you celebrate the parents and upcoming baby, give baby supplies so the parents don’t get overloaded with prep costs, and even just spend time with your daughter knowing she’ll have her hands full for at least the next year. Man needs to get his head out of his ass. >**OP:** Calling the name reveal a "party" was probably an exaggeration on my part. It was a small lunch with a Clue-style game my husband and I created. I talked to my sister about it, and we both think that had I not told my father the lunch was baby related, he and Paula might've come. &nbsp; [Additional Information](https://www.reddit.com/user/thrwaynewmom/comments/186d6hf/additional_info_aita_for_not_telling_my_father/) - **Nov 28, 2023** My AITA post from a few weeks ago was voted "Not enough info" (which seems fair). I tried to reply to whatever comments I could, but I don't think everyone reads those. So I'm writing this to reply to the most common questions that were asked in my original post, as well as to clarify some things that might have been misunderstood. Some of these are literally copy-pasted from my comments, by the way. **Does Paula have/want/like kids?** She doesn't have children, and from what I gather, she doesn't want to. I know for an absolute fact that my father doesn't want more kids. She has also never been pregnant (she has mentioned that to my sister on some occasions). Paula does, however, like kids. Especially babies. She was all over my cousin's daughter once she was born, and I have no doubt she'd do the same with my son. It's pregnancy, and the events that surround it, that she seems to have a problem with. **The age gap between my father and Paula.** Paula is actually on the older side - none of the (many) women my father has been with since divorcing my mom have been older than 35 by the time they broke up. I'm genuinely surprised they're still dating, as his relationships don't tend to last more than a couple years. And yes, I do realize that none of these things are good. As much as I'm bothered by it, it's not my place to say anything. Especially now that I don't live with my father anymore. As long as they're both consenting adults, there's not much I can do or say about it, and that's fine. **Why does my sister find Paula annoying?** According to my sister, Paula's most annoying habits include frequently speaking in a "baby voice" (mostly around my father), interrupting other people while they're talking and criticizing random women on the street (behind their backs). I don't know Paula well enough to be sure how valid these claims are, but I have witnessed a bit of those first two habits during previous visits. The "baby voice" annoys me too, to be honest. She sometimes sounds like the four-year-olds I used to babysit. But again, it's not my place to complain. **Paula's behavior once my cousin's daughter was born.** Paula would ask for more pictures of the baby than both me and my sister were getting, even though she barely knew my cousin. She made many comments about how she looked nothing like my cousin's husband. She tried to get my cousin's daughter to say her name when she was 5 months old (Paula isn't her real name; her actual name is longer and harder to pronounce). And every single picture Paula ever took with the baby was turned into an Instagram post, most times without my cousin's approval. Whenever we visited, Paula asked to hold my cousin's daughter all the time, and hesitated to give her to anyone else. Last Christmas, she wanted my cousin to open her gift for the baby first, and got annoyed that an actual infant wasn't as excited about it as she was. She has also made a few comments about how my cousin "still hasn't bounced back", and has spoken ill of my cousin's husband behind his back. **What "updates" did I make about my pregnancy?** Some people in the comments seemed to mistake "updates" for "social media posts", so I want to stress that I barely posted about my pregnancy on social media. I made maybe two posts while pregnant and another one to announce my son's birth. Those were only on Instagram (I hate TikTok), and my account is private. Many of my coworkers didn't even know I was pregnant until I showed up one day with snug clothing and a 7 month bump. A few of them didn't find out until I went on maternity leave (I do a large part of my work sitting down). The updates I'm referring to were made only to my family and close friends. They were mostly about mine and my son's health. And ALL of them were made either in person or by text/phone call. Most of the updates I made to my father were through text, since I work and don't see him in person that much. Also, my father and I have had problems in the past over me "not telling him anything", and my relatively new habit of updating him on what has been going on in my life is an effort to remedy that. Seriously, I get where people were coming from, but I find it concerning that we live in a time where someone can't mention updates about their pregnancy without people assuming they're talking about social media. **Did I talk to my father about his or Paula's behavior?** YES. Several times. He said he'd try to be more involved, but never made any attempt to do so. He either didn't remember our conversations or genuinely didn't care. I'm fine with Paula not being interested in my pregnancy or the two events I invited her and my father to. We don't know each other that well. What I'm not fine with is her rudeness whenever I shared any information with my family, as well as the fact that my dad let himself be dragged down by her behavior. **How many "events" did I invite them to during my pregnancy?** Literally the only two I mentioned. The name reveal lunch and the baby shower. **Why a "name reveal"?** Me and my husband hate gender reveals, but we still wanted a small, lighthearted affair with close friends and family. And calling it a "party" was an exaggeration on my part. It was a small lunch with a Clue-style game my husband and I created. I talked to my sister about it, and we both think that had I not told my father the lunch was baby related, he and Paula might've come. **Off topic, I'm pretty proud of that game, so here's a small description of what we did (feel free to skip this).** We pretty much made a custom Clue board game! Rather than guessing the suspect, weapon and murder location, the goal was to guess the name (there were 6 options), the first stuffed animal we'd gotten him (also 6 options) and a random room in our apartment (9 options, and we mostly kept that part just to make things harder for the players). We used a template of the Clue board as a base and added mini versions of the rooms in our apartment. We got miniature animals to stand in for the weapons. And we also made the cards from scratch. I work with animation and my husband briefly studied graphic design. We had some help from my architect friend and two other friends who got design degrees. It was a little over the top, but we had a lot of fun doing it. It was basically a collective passion project. **"Not everyone cares about your pregnancy"/"Having a baby is a normal thing"/"You're not the main character of everyone's life..."** At no point did I express any of that. Nor did I expect to be treated like Demeter. I am perfectly aware that pregnancy is not an unusual experience, and I'm not special just because I had a baby. Most of the time, I actually hate being the center of attention. I updated my family about my pregnancy because my son is their family too, and my friends because they asked and worried about me. I never expected any special treatment from any of them. But I do expect to be treated with respect, or at the very least politely. **"You shouldn't cut your dad and his girlfriend out of your son's life just because he didn't care about your pregnancy..."** Again, I never said I would. All I did was not tell them my son was born. I made it clear that they were free to come meet him once we brought him home. And this isn't about them not showing up to parties or not caring about my pregnancy as much as I did. My father missed my graduation; not coming to my baby shower doesn't bother me that much. It's the condescending attitude and lack of interest that both my dad and Paula have been displaying my entire pregnancy that made me decide not to tell them. **Did my father know my due date?** I told him about it several times. My son was born the day after my due date. At no point did he try to reach out before or during my hospital stay. My best guess is that he forgot about it. **Who did come to visit us in the hospital?** My mom, my stepdad, my sister, my maternal aunt and two cousins, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and a few of our closest friends. Overall, about 15 people came to meet our son during our 4-day hospital stay. My mother, sister, brother-in-law and two of my best friends (including my baby's godmother) were the only people who came more than once. I also want to add that besides those people, the only ones who found out about my son's birth prior to my post on Instagram were the ones who asked. My father and Paula were not among those people. I think that's all I wanted to clarify. I do also have an update, I'll try to post it soon. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/186n56k/update_i_didnt_tell_my_father_and_stepmother/) - **Nov 29, 2023** Because my [AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17py7re/aita_for_not_telling_my_father_and_stepmother/) post was voted "Not enough info", I [posted on my page](https://www.reddit.com/user/thrwaynewmom/comments/186d6hf/additional_info_aita_for_not_telling_my_father/) some additional information and replies to the most common questions I was asked. That being said, most of the comments helped me understand that I did the right thing. Maybe I was the AH, but I had the right to be one. My final conclusion was: be rude to me through a hard time in my life? Fine. Have fun in the peanut gallery. I decided that I wasn't exactly comfortable with the idea of Paula holding and cooing over my newborn after almost nine months of rudeness and lack of acknowledgement. So I told my father that while he was free to come to my apartment and meet his grandson for the first time, I didn't want Paula to tag along. My intentions weren't to ban her forever, but rather to just wait a month or two (or, in a perfect world, until she apologized). We had a small fight over it, but my dad agreed and came to meet him without Paula. He visited us a couple more times that week. During these visits, he was cold and short with me and my husband, and I ended up being cold in return. This was, admittedly, not my proudest moment, but I was too tired and angry to care at the time. A little under two weeks ago, my paternal aunt and two cousins (including the one I mentioned in my previous post) came from out of state. My cousins stayed at my apartment, while my aunt stayed at my father's. During her stay, my aunt caught several instances of Paula openly badmouthing me and my "unfair treatment of her", but didn't comment on it at first. And then, the day before she left, she watched my father not only agree with Paula, but call me "childish" and "ungrateful" as well. Like most of my family, my aunt knew the whole story. She told them both off for how they'd treated me during my pregnancy. My sister was there, and eventually joined in. The result was, apparently, a huge fight between all four of them. Eventually, my sister started crying. She drove to my place and told me everything before falling asleep on my couch. My father called me and we fought. It lasted about 40 minutes. And after countless attempts on his part to play the "but I'm your father" card, I managed to make it clear that I owed Paula nothing, least of all my time and attention. The next day, my aunt came over for lunch. She told us that after our argument, there was another massive fight, this time between my dad and Paula. She didn't pick up on specific words, only screaming. A few days later, my dad called me again. He apologized and promised to try to be more involved. I'm not sure how sincere he was. I accepted the apology, but told him he's on thin ice. I will help him be a part of our lives, but I refuse to be the only one making that effort. It's not my job to try to engage him in things he shows no interest in. And if he doesn't get invested in something, he can't expect to be treated the same as the people who do. My sister went back to his place a few days later. Paula wasn't there. Apparently, she's staying with her mother for a while. Neither of us know anything else about that. If this turns out to be an actual breakup, my father will probably wait a while to confirm it. I never wished ill on her, but I'd be lying if I said I had faith in their relationship (or any of my father's, for that matter). Countless fights and a cluster feeding newborn later, I'm exhausted. I'm glad this is over. My relationship with my father is still very strained, and I'm not particularly proud of how things turned out. But my main focus now is my son, and it warms my soul to witness how loved he already is. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for not telling my father and stepmother about my son's birth?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18bwem3/aita_for_not_telling_my_father_and_stepmother/

18bwepc

**AITA If my cousin goes hungry?** **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/UnlikelyCatHerder **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole & r/EntitledPeople **Original** [BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/oaIA84kvW9) **Posted by** u/swtogirl **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional manipulation, economic abuse, drug use, lack of hygiene!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yujwgz/aita_if_my_cousin_goes_hungry/)  **Nov 13, 2022** Let’s introduce the cast of characters and hopefully make things clearer. There’s me and and my SO There is my cousin (1) their SO and their 2 children ranging in age from 7-9 My aunt My other cousin (2) My other cousin (3) and his son who is 18 Cousin 2 and 3 are siblings We are all 40 and over. All have jobs except for the kids, the 18 year old and the aunt (who is retired) We’ve decided to plan a family reunion for 4 nights 5 days. Cousin 2 paid $1500 for the cabin and left the planning and buying of food to me and cousin 1 Cousin 1 has not helped financially at all. That has left me and my SO to buy the food. Because I knew it would fall on us for several months now we’ve been buying food little by little when we buy our groceries. We estimate we will spend close to $1000 when it’s all said and done. We aren’t planning elaborate meals, but buying food for 10 people for 11 meals adds up. Cousin 2 is well aware cousin 1 isn’t helping with the food and that it’s just me and my SO paying. Cousin 2 continually reminds me that we have an 18 year old man coming and ‘he eats a lot’ and that we need to make sure we have enough for him. I explained I bought a package of 40 hamburger patties. Even if all 10 people eat 2 hamburgers a piece there will 20 hamburger patties left. I also said we’re planning on 5 pounds of ground beef for spaghetti and another 5 pounds for chili. There will also be sides like rice or salad or cornbread or garlic bread. I’ve planned like that for every meal. Plus there will be bread and peanut butter and jelly and cereal. I can’t imagine there won’t be left overs that he can eat if he gets hungry. He’s still insisting that’s not enough food and we should buy a couple of rotisserie chickens and cousin 3 suggested we buy ramen for his 18 year old son. Cousin 3 and his son haven’t not financially contributed even a penny towards this nor do they have plans to pay for anything. I’m flatly refusing to buy extra food and after the 10th text message I finally told cousin 2 that since cousin 3 and his son were getting a free vacation if the food provided isn’t enough then he can starve. I might have also called them moochers to have the gall to suggest foods that *I* could buy for them. So am I the asshole for being stubborn and refusing to buy something as cheap as ramen? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** [Update 1 - The entitlement just continues to grow. Family member that hasn’t contributed wants to invite another family to join us.](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/yzctpz/the_entitlement_just_continues_to_grow_family/)   **Nov 19, 2022** You can see my post history for a recap of what’s going on and what I’m complaining about. Short recap: We’re going to a cabin in the woods for vacation. It’s a family trip with extended family. Several cousins, a couple of kids, an aunt and a SO. One cousin paid for the cabin and left the planning and buying meals to me and another cousin. The other cousin has not helped buy anything. Literally nothing. We’re talking probably close to 1k of food bought and he hasn’t paid not one penny. Won’t Venmo me money, won’t buy stuff on his own. Constant excuses. Last night he messaged me and the cousin that paid for the cabin and said he wanted to invite more people. The cousin that paid for the cabin said no, was actually polite about it (I’ve seen the texts) and the one who hasn’t contributed a dime is now flipping out because he was told no. I’m just dumbfounded at this point. I don’t have a lot of family left, that’s why I was biting my tongue about the ones not paying towards this trip but I’m just shocked that someone who hasn’t contributed a dime to a trip thinks they can invite 4 other people and gets upset when told no! [Update 2 - Entitled cousin wants to invite people to our family reunion even though he hasn’t contributed financially](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/z6eetk/update_entitled_cousin_wants_to_invite_people_to/)  **Nov 27, 2022** I was asked to give an update and I’ve gotten a decent following so here’s your update (would love to know where my followers came from) Our weekend is almost over, the last of the family leaves tomorrow so I figured now would be a great time to give you guys the update. Quick recap for those that don’t want to click on my post history to read the backstory.  Cousins had a great idea to do a family reunion over thanksgiving in a cabin in the woods.  Not everyone was pulling their weight financially and then one wanted to invite extra people.  Said person got a bit butt hurt when he was told no. Well, the cousin that wanted to bring extra people did not bring them. And he actually bought groceries. There was a group list going and he stopped before he got to the cabin and bought everything that was on the list that hadn’t been bought yet.  Then 2 days later we had to make a grocery run for more food (several people had the munchies) and that was a decent bill and he paid that.  He also helped with the cooking and cleaning. So in my eyes he pulled his own weight. The cousin that brought his brother and nephew. They spent the entire time high and drunk. But they weren’t annoying. So while I personally don’t see the point of what they did I’m not gonna complain.  Plus we’d wake up in the morning and he always made something like cookies or prepped food for the day. And he was great at emptying and refilling the dishwasher. Only one kid came, we had a blast with said kid. My SO had fun as well. For me, I was pleasantly surprised. I had a great time and it was really neat to see my daddy in my cousins. From mannerisms, to facial features, to the one cousin who is covered in fur from head to toe.  It’s been hard on me since my dad died and for reason that would fill a book I didn’t grow up with this side of the family. So I had a great time reconnecting with them. We had a family meeting where we came up with a budget and how much each person needed to contribute to keep this thing going. The plan is to do the same next year, I’m supposed to call tomorrow to see about reserving the cabin for next year. [Update 3 - entitled cousin wants to invite people to our family thanksgiving CRUISE EDITION](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/zh2bjk/3rd_update_entitled_cousin_wants_to_invite_people/)   **Dec 9, 2022** I seem to have a decent following and responses from my last 2 posts so I figured I’d give you guys another update. We are trying to make this a yearly tradition. We’ve gotten together the last 2 years and no one has killed someone so we’re trying for a 3rd time.  On a cruise ship this time *ominous music plays* The place we stayed at the last 2 times doesn’t have any openings for the next 2 years so after trying airbnbs that charge a heck of a lot for a place big enough for us I finally say screw it we’re looking at cruises. And wouldn’t you know there’s a fairly cheap one that aligns with the dates we can go. Somehow it all fell on me to organize it. And it’s like herding cats. I need specific info from each person going. And we’re up to 10 people. And group emails and texts go unanswered so I have to individually harass each person to get very basic info like birthdates, full names, and email addresses. Finally gave an ultimatum that worked. Give me your info today or you’re not going. And finally, miraculously I got everyone’s info. I’m so impressed with myself I’m going to reward myself with a nice margarita tonight, or maybe something stronger. We’ve divided the cabins up basically by households. If you live with or came out of the body of a specific someone that’s who you’re gonna be in a cabin with. *And this is the part you guys are waiting for. The entitled person aspect to this, and why I decided to give this update.* I chose the cheapest cabins for all but one cabin. The more expensive cabin will entirely be paid for by the people occupying it. One of the cheap cabins may not get to go.  No one else is footing the bill.  Those two people occupying it are responsible for their portion. If they can’t pay, they don’t go and no one else is penalized. They know this. They have 10 months to come up with the price of their cabin. It will be a struggle.  The struggle is entirely due to poor financial management. One of the persons in the cabin who may not get to go is asking to switch roommates and cabins with the more expensive cabin! The same person that did not contribute ANYTHING to the last reunion. Not even cleaning up, cooking, organizing. Nadda. And they think they are going to weasel their way into a free cruise. Not gonna happen. Edit: I’ll keep giving updates as long as people want to hear about my crazy family.  I imagine I won’t have another update until the final payment is due, and that’s not till August. ##**NEW UPDATES** [Update 4 - The update I promised, cruise edition.](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/NbENBaBMJs)  **Sept 10, 2023** I have a surprising amount of followers and I promised to update once the cruise had to be paid for and so here we are. It’s going to be a short update, because we haven’t gone on the cruise yet.  Once we get back from the cruise I’ll update again. Feel free to click my name and read through my previous posts. And yes, I read the criticism about using numbers rather than fake names. So I’ll just be vaguer and not mention numbers.  It was a mess getting all the info needed to book the cabins but we did. The entitled aunt tried to switch rooms with someone else who has a suite, while only paying the inside cabin rate. That was shot down immediately. One cabin fell through so those 2 will not be joining us. There was a break up and then the other person couldn’t afford to pay for the cruise. Everyone else is paid for, and everyone paid for their own cabin! It did come down to literally the last moment.  I expected the entitled aunt to have to drop out but she somehow found the money. All but one cabin has bought the drink package. The cabin that can’t afford to buy the drink package thinks they can buy wine, pour it out and fill it with something stronger. We shall see if that is smuggled onboard.  Feel free to take bets on that. Another cabin wants to smuggle pot on board even though they are well aware of the drug dogs at the port. That cabin plans to vacuum seal it. Feel free to take bets on if that cabin gets caught. My cabin will get on that ship whether the others do or not. And I plan to spend the majority of the cruise drunk if the others do actually make it on board. M Thinking of getting everyone yeti cups, or maybe a tote bag with some sort of phrase to commemorate this years family vacation. [Update 5 - One last update before the family cruise. This is another segment of the entitled cousin saga](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/5y39tDlSG7)  **Oct 31, 2023** Since I have a following I thought I’d give yall another update. Ya know that phrase you’re a glutton for punishment? Well yeah. That’s me. So one thing I purposely failed to mention in my other posts is that I have another vacation planned for my SO and I right before we go on this cruise. As in we come home, have about enough time to wash clothes and repack before we have to leave to go on the cruise. Ohh and didn’t I mention the first vacation is overseas so it takes a bit more planning than a US vacation??? We leave in a few days for that vacation. I’m also still working 45+ hours a week up until the day we leave so I don’t have a lot of time to devote to the cruise. I’ve made that clear to everyone going on the cruise. Since we’re a bit less than a month from the cruise we can check in and I’m trying to coordinate that with everyone and having a tough time doing that. Texts go unanswered. I’m to the point I simply don’t care any longer. I checked my SO and I in and that’s it. I have spent a week trying to coordinate times since we are supposed to carpool there. But I’m done trying to get people to answer my fucking texts. And here’s where you guys that have read this far are looking for. The juicy stuff. The drama stuff. Back when we planned this cruise everyone told me they had a passport. I thought that was the end of that. I didn’t think I needed to investigate further into that. Unfortunately I should have. So I explained to one how to check in online and mentioned having your passport handy so you can enter that info. Said person then takes that moment to inform me that their passport is expired.  They also have no clue where their birth certificate is. At this point said person may not be getting on the cruise. Luckily for them they live in the state they were born in and the state capital is just a few hours from their home. So I sent them a link to set up an appointment in person to get their birth certificate. I have not followed up with them to find out if they made the appointment or found their birth certificate. I’m officially done for this year trying to corral everything. I have gone above and beyond for a freaking year now and I have no fucks left to give. Who wants to take bets on if the one with the expired passport gets on the ship? [Update 6 - I’m back with another update! Family cruise edition](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/G8Mdfx5zuw)  **Nov 27, 2023** Please see my profile for my other posts about my absolutely delightful family and our yearly vacation. Last I left you guys my SO and I were gearing up for an overseas trip, coming home and then almost immediately going on this family cruise. Well we are back from both so now it’s time for the updates! Our trip overseas was amazing, we got to spend time at a hotel that has amazing views of Mount Fuji and we stayed at a Ryoken with our own private hot spring! Absolutely amazing and picture perfect and we will be going back. We got home, I had about enough time to wash clothes and repack before we got on the boat. So all of us live in the same state, some closer than others. The ones that live about 10 hours away started out Tuesday and spent the night in my town so we could carpool to the cruise terminal. The ones that live about 5 hours away decided to drive down the day of. They headed out about 4 am thanksgiving day and met us at a place open thanksgiving day. And that’s when they dropped the bomb on us. One of the persons in their party did not remember to pack their passport and they didn’t have their birth certificate. Yes. It is the same group that I mentioned before whose passport was expired.  Same group, different person.  That person, miraculously, found their birth certificate so they were golden. We drive down to the cruise terminal, help everyone with their luggage and boy was there a lot of luggage! And one went to ask about the whole passport situation. He came back to let us know that the person that forgot their passport absolutely would not be allowed on the cruise. Said person had every opportunity to upload their passport ahead of time, and had they done that they would have been allowed to sail. But nope. Said person did not do it.  So we watched 2 from our group board the bus back to the parking lot to retrieve their vehicle and head home. No temper tantrums, no blaming me, at least not yet. They are trying to get future cruise credit for their missed cruise but it’s not looking good. The rest of us got on the ship.  And that’s where the fun began. All of us have been on cruises before so we knew what to expect but nothing prepared us for this trip. This was a 5 day cruise on a small older ship that wasn’t laid out very well. Especially in a post Covid world. People had no concept of personal space anywhere. Not on the elevators, not in line for the buffet, not in line for coffee, not sitting at a table.  They also had no concept of cleaning up after themselves or even flushing a friggen toilet. Plates of half eaten food in the stairwells next to the art pieces. Half drunk drinks all over the railings. Dirty tissues in the elevators.  People, adults and kids, not covering their mouths when they sneeze or cough.  Had a kid that looked to be about 7 cough directly on my arm and mom didn’t apologize or even say anything to her heathen. Watched a lady smack the absolute shit out of another lady right by the service desk and they did nothing.  For a moment I thought we were at Walmart. This was not the experience any of us has had on past cruises so it was a total surprise to us. And on to only bit of family drama that actually made it on the ship.  The one cousin that planned to bring edibles did apparently bring them and decided to eat one or two gummies and also literally drink all night long and into the morning of embarkation while not sleeping the last night we were on the ship. Made for a not pleasant embarkation trying to track his ass down to get off the ship.  And I’m already planning the next family cruise! Hopefully people will be more prepared for the next cruise….. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA If my cousin goes hungry?

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