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18ltsfj | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/SpacingIsMyGame
**Recently, my husband smells and the bedroom and pillows smell so bad**
**Originally posted to** r/CleaningTips
**Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU**
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/CleaningTips/s/YorSzuhqJq) **Mar 23, 2023**
The past few months my husband has started to smell bad. His head makes his pillow and sheets smell really bad and it makes the whole bedroom smell.
The smell is like turnips or rotten potatoes. And the whole room smells of it.
I wash the pillows and sheets but they smell so bad after one night again.
He recently changed jobs and since then he sweats an abnormal amount, maybe stress related, and a lot more than before. I don't know if it his job or what he eats/drinks there. Could it be different coffee or the satay sauce he usually eats for lunch at the new job?
Not sure if this is the correct forum but not sure where else to ask.
Thank you!
Edit: thank you all for taking the time to respond! I didn't realise smelly partners was such a common problem 😆
First step is going to the doctor to get checked. In the meantime, you've given me lots of great cleaning tips to try out so thank you! Will also gently ask him to shower more and assess the diet.
Thanks again everyone! Will make an update.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**Readforamusement**
>My DH went through a spell of smelling really bad....The problem was he was eating Slim Jims or other foods like that. The spice smell came out in his sweat. If your husband is eating those stop!
**OOP**
>>That is heavily processed "meat" snacks? He started eating a lot of salami recently but this week I had anyway asked him to stop because it's not healthy. Will be interesting to see if it changes. Thanks!
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/CleaningTips/s/QID39S6st7) **June 30, 2023**
UPDATE Recently my husband smells and the bedroom and pillows smell so bad
I originally posted 3 months ago about my husband's smelly turnip pillows and have had quite a few requests for an update so here it is :)
Original post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/CleaningTips/comments/11zwr81/recently_my_husband_smells_and_the_bedroom_and/
Update:
So at the time, he was eating a lot of salami and cheese together. And I mean a lot. For breakfast, snacks, lunch and more. I asked him to stop the salami and he did so (albeit reluctantly) and the turnip smell has gone! His pillow is back to its normal levels of smelly and he hates me because he is no longer allowed to eat salami. 😃
Thanks to u/Readforamusement (and anyone else) who mentioned processed meat as a potential problem!
It really puts me off eating the stuff now.
Thank you everyone for your help 💜
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 6,940 | 2023-12-19T05:01:34 | Recently, my husband smells and the bedroom and pillows smell so bad | CONCLUDED | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18ltsfj/recently_my_husband_smells_and_the_bedroom_and/ | false | false | [
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18lttjw | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Victortilla_chips
**Need extravagant cookie recipes**
**Originally posted to** r/Baking
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Baking/s/qlZd5xJMDU) **Dec 3, 2023**
I’m known as the worst baker in my family and I was like phenomenally bad, but I’ve been moving in silence practicing my baking all year and I’ve been getting pretty good. Next Friday is our annual family Christmas cookie contest and I want to bring like an extravagant decadent go eff yourselves cookie. A revenge cookie for years of ridicule. Princess Diana’s black dress in cookie form. I work from home so I have nothing but time to prep and practice. So if you have any recipes fitting this description I would appreciate you all dropping them here. No nut allergies or picky eaters here so anything is welcome but my sister truly does make the best chocolate chip cookies on planet earth so I’m not looking to rival it with another chocolate chip cookie.
Update: okay folks I love the recipes please keep them coming! I have showed this post to my sweet neighbor who has helped me a ton with my baking and she’s all in. We’ll be making a number of these recipes every night this week. What better way to get revenge than to show off some range? They all have specialties, tired one trick ponies. This is my year. I’ll post pictures and update throughout the week! Also, i plan to bake through this thread over the next few months, regardless of the outcome of the contest.
Update 2: [my sisters chocolate chip cookie recipe](https://cookingwithkarli.com/sea-salt-chocolate-chip-cookies/) idk if she tweaks it or not, when I make them they don’t come out the same, but she’s a more experienced baker than I.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Baking/s/9h4OSZUDVd) **Dec 12, 2023**
Revenge cookie update
Hello all! I posted last week about your best cookie recipes and you all delivered and let me tell you i managed to make about 7 recipes and they were delicious. After having to borrow some baking equipment my mother caught on and I let her in on my little secret and well the secret got out. Accusations of faking it were thrown around and it turned in to an in person bake off event. I selected oatmeal ovaltine cookies and honey roasted peanut butter cookies as my contenders because they are twists on fan favorites in my family and the chocolate butterscotch and pretzel pieces in the oatmeal cookies make them just an incredible decadent wonderful treat and the salt and honey in the peanut butter cookies is a combo which cannot be beat.
Well I won. But it was not as satisfying as it seems. After whipping up my two batches I had leftover room temp butter and eggs I didn’t want to waste so I whipped up a batch of snickerdoodles, a recipe I’ve had and made about 35 times in the past year as they are my fiancés favortie. Plain old regular shmegular snickerdoodles. I didn’t have cream of tartar so I subbed lemon juice per google. And well, they won. Feels like success but cheap success.
Anyway I plan on continuing to bake through your recipes and post updates here. I’m even considering starting a TikTok channel called revenge cookie chronicling this journey. My new goal-become the top baker and beat my sisters chocolate chips.
Thank you again from a new baker and from my friends with multiple tins of some really incredible cookies.
*
**BONUS - The sisters cookie recipe**
**Sea Salt Chocolate Chip Cookies ingredients**
• Salted Butter- Real butter is always front and center in the best chocolate chip cookies! The flavor that comes from using real butter just can’t be beat!
• Granulated Sugar
• Brown Sugar- The combination of 2 sugars give a wonderful depth of flavor, and the brown sugar keeps the cookie moist and chewy.
• Egg
• Vanilla
• Flour- All purpose flour is perfect for this recipe.
• Salt
• Baking Soda– we use baking soda in this cookie recipe to encourage browning on the edges of the cookies and give the edges a nice crisp.
• Chocolate Chips- You can use milk or semi-sweet or a combination of both! Whatever you like!
• Flakey Sea Salt For Garnish– I purchase my flakey sea salt on Amazon.
**What kind of salt do you use for cookies?**
In the cookie dough, I use just regular table salt. For sprinkling on top of the cookie, I love using flakey sea salt.
**How to make Salted Chocolate Chip Cookies**
Start by preheating the oven to 350 degrees.
Cream together your butter and both sugars. Continue to mix until the butter and sugars are light in color and fluffy in texture. This will take a few minutes. Scrape the sides of the bowl and add the egg and vanilla and mix again until there are no visible egg puddles in the mixture.
Now add the flour, baking soda, and salt and mix until just combined. Be careful not to over mix the dough once the flour is added.
Fold in the chocolate chips until they are evenly distributed throughout the dough.
Measure out your dough into 1/4 cup portions for large cookies and 2 tbsp of dough for smaller cookies. Roll the dough into a ball. Break the ball in half and add the two halves bake together leaving the jagged edges on the outsides. (I just like the way this makes the baked cookie look, but you can leave the dough in a smooth ball too if you would like.)
Bake at 350 degrees for 13-15 minutes or until the cookie has spread slightly and the edges are starting to turn golden brown. Remove the cookies from the oven and immediately sprinkle the tops with the flakey sea salt.
Allow the cookies to cool on the pan for 10 minutes. This will allow the inside of the cookie to continue to bake with out the whole cookie getting over baked.
Serve warm and enjoy!
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 1,531 | 2023-12-19T05:03:11 | Need extravagant cookie recipes | CONCLUDED | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18lttjw/need_extravagant_cookie_recipes/ | false | false | [
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18ltx3p | **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/mama-of-4-232](https://new.reddit.com/user/mama-of-4-232/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole
**Mood Spoiler:** >!happy-ish ending!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aix6c/wibta_if_i_called_a_little_girls_mother_to_ask/)**: December 4, 2023**
I(28F) have twin 5 year old boys Jude and Jonah. They go to a private Jewish kindergarten where it’s very customary to invite the whole class to birthday parties, it might even be a school rule but I don’t think I’m going to take this to the school.
Jude and Jonah are very well mannered and reserved, obviously I’m biased but they’ve always gotten along with all of their peers and have never gotten into any drama. Jude is definitely a slow reader and we’ve gotten him a tutor but it’s still been very hard for him.
At our synagogue the bathroom signs just say men and women with no little picture and they are single bathrooms. 2 weekends ago Jude walked into the women’s by accident and I guess the door wasn’t locked correctly because he walked in on this women named Jess who is the mother of a little girl in his class. He says he just saw her on the toilet and ran out, closed the door and said sorry.
Jude immediately came up to me and told me and he was very embarrassed. I told him it wasn’t a big deal and he should just remember to knock next time and the longer word says women. He said he will and that he thought it would be a stalled bathroom like most public bathrooms and that’s fair so I left it there.
Jess came up to talk to me after and told me like he needed to be punished, she said it was extremely inappropriate. I assured her he didn’t know and wouldn’t do it again but she said there’s “no way he can’t read men and women” and that her daughter can and told me I had to nip this behavior in the bud. I often feel talked down to because of my age by other parents at the school so I just said I would take care of it and left it there.
On Friday her daughter was handing out birthday invites and gave one to Jonah, not Jude. They both asked her why and she said her mom said not to give him one and wouldn’t tell her why. Jude cried the whole rest of the day and wouldn’t tell anyone why because he doesn’t want to be a tattle tale. I asked Jude if anything else had happened between the 2 of them and he promised me it didn’t and said they’ve even been playing together at recess this whole last week. And her daughter was trying to cheer him up by suggesting ways to sneak him in.
I’m honestly livid, I wouldn’t care if she had given neither of them an invite but giving one twin and not the other is incredibly rude and passive aggressive. I’m considering calling her and talking about it because I think it’s ridiculous to hold this much of a grudge against a 5 year old. Would that make me an AH? Should I just decline Jonahs invite? I think the birthday rule is silly and it’s her choice who she invites but this is just ridiculous.
Edit: Synagogue and School are 2 separate places, but there’s a lot of overlap with the people. Also, I’m not planning on sending either of them to the party at the moment, but I’m considering calling her to confront her about it rather than just having this weird dynamic where I’m hearing things from Jude that come from her kid that come from her.
***Relevant Comments:***
*OOP's thoughts:*
"Yeah, I genuinely believe if it was anyone else’s kid she wouldn’t care but I’m the youngest mom there and her and her little group always feel the need to tell me that I’m doing everything wrong since they’re more experienced parents than me. Like she’s just been waiting for my kid to do one thing wrong to prove that I’m irresponsible and couldn’t ever possibly teach my kids manners."
*Jude's reading:*
"He just started with a reading tutor, they said it could be dyslexia since that’s the only area he struggles in but he’s learning faster one on one and they think he’ll be all caught up by first grade so we aren’t too concerned about it just yet."
*Talk to the school- no way teacher didn't know why he was upset:*
"I don’t really feel like talking to the school. I think the whole “everyone needs to be invited” rule is bs but I think it is crazy to invite one twin and not the other. Idk if their teacher knew why he was sad but he didn’t tell her so it’s not her fault."
*Are they all in the same class? How many students?*
"Yes they are, there’s one class per grade but it has like 30 something kids, Jude is the only kid in class not invited."
*Ask her why he wasn't invited, decline the invite and maybe send something to the little girl since it's not her fault:*
"That’s the plan right now, we have nothing against her daughter. She’s adorable. She also lives at her dads during the week which is probably where she gets her sweetness."
*There's just... an incredible comment exchange that has no relevance on the situation starting about* [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aix6c/wibta_if_i_called_a_little_girls_mother_to_ask/kc1pwwb/?context=8&depth=9), *but I wanted to include it because it ends with someone accusing OOP of being homophobic and she replies:*
"IM A LESBIAN"
***OOP is voted NTA***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18h2w0v/update_wibta_if_i_called_a_little_girls_mother_to/)**: December 12, 2023 (1 week later)**
Hi everyone!
Thank you everyone who responded to my last post. I tried my best to reply or at least upvote to every comment.
I was happy to hear that I wasn’t the whole. But as far as advice went, I got a lot of mixed feedback. Some telling me to call Jess out. Some telling me there’s nothing I can do. Some telling me to host a party on the same day and invite all the kids in their class.
I decided to contact our rabbi whose wife is also the assistant principal of their school. They said they think talking with Jess and having a sit down conversation is the best way to go. On Saturday, they asked Jess to stay after services to have a talk.
It was the Rabbi, his wife, me, my wife, Jess and her ex. The rabbis wife explained that school policy says that you can either invite less than half of the class or the entire class and Jude was the only child not invited. Jess replied that Jude is horribly I’ll mannered and that’s why she didn’t want him at the party. We all were curious to know if she had any other instances of his “bad manners” and she started listing that he likes running around and jumping off things (typical 5 year old behavior)
It was honestly comedic since anyone who’s spent any time with them 2 knows Jonah is by far the crazy one. But anyways she couldn’t come up with any real examples of his bad behavior other than the bathroom incident which she horribly exaggerated since the last time we talked about it.
The rabbis wife said that the only way this could be a valid reason for the school board was if she filed a complaint with the synagogue and the school and then they would both investigate. So she caved and said they could both come. And we said we would decide if we wanted to.
Her ex came up to us as we were leaving (after not saying anything the whole meeting) he said not to come to the birthday party since Jess is going to be a momzilla and probably be an asshole the whole time. We organized a play date for a few days after the party is planned at his house and he ensured the boys would get goody bags and cake. Clearly the most important things.
Anyways good news all around, the boys are pretty much over it and they think we’re being drama queens. Anyways, thanks Reddit!
***Relevant Comments:***
*On the boys' behavior:*
"I’m just saying it was a weird justification to her inviting Jonah but not Jude. Jonah’s the one that’s loud and likes running around. Jude usually likes to play with his action figures and that’s it."
*On the policies about invitations being stupid:*
"Yeah I dislike the rule as well. I was honestly against having the rabbis wife there at first as well but my wife convinced me. I didn’t really want an invite to the party, I just wanted to talk about why she was so against him coming." | 4,225 | 2023-12-19T05:08:43 | WIBTA if I called a little girls Mother to ask why Son wasn’t invited to her Birthday? | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18ltx3p/wibta_if_i_called_a_little_girls_mother_to_ask/ | false | false | [
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18ltxbh | **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Beneficial\_Pizza7137](https://new.reddit.com/user/Beneficial_Pizza7137/). He posted in r/TrueOffMyChest.
**Mood Spoiler:** >!genuinely really sweet- bring out the tissues!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/18bk9um/my_baby_sister_called_me_dad/)**: December 5, 2023**
I (m31) was 20 when my sister (11 ) was born. Our mom wasn't in a good place physically or mentally and her father was a druggie so I took her in and have been raising her ever since. (she's legally Mine)
In certain ways, I have always seen her as a daughter I feel as though the love I have for her would be the love a father has for his kid (s). I mean I watched her grow up, and was there for every single milestone most would consider me to be my sister's dad. But my sister grew up with the knowledge I am her big brother and the reason I take care of her is our mom and her dad can't take care of her the way they should. (she got more information as she got older).
We are both sick, my sister has chronic asthma, and when sick her asthma is worse. At like 3 am I heard her wheezing and coughing in her sleep and got her nebulizer to give her a breathing treatment I had to wake her up to take it. She was half asleep and when she finished I told her she could go back to sleep. She mumbled okay then as I was leaving her room she said " Thank you Dad” It was quiet but I heard it. I had a good happy/emotional cry and it's getting me teary-eyed just thinking about it.
***Relevant Comments:***
*It's your actions that make you a dad, not your biology, and you're definitely her dad:*
"Thank you, I've been told that by different people over the years, and in certain ways like I've said I have always felt like her dad, was insane though hearing her call me dad though even if she was half asleep"
*On her asthma:*
"Thank you, day to day she's really good at taking her medicine but in the middle of the night when sick of course it's going to be more difficult I actually woke up and felt like something was wrong so I checked on her to make sure
I'm sure she felt a lot better after going to sleep if I didn't she would have really been struggling to breathe when she woke up
I think even if she doesn't outgrow asthma she will be okay she is only 11 doesn't let it stop her she's amazing at volleyball and basketball and very active"
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/18gmjx1/update_my_baby_sister_called_me_dad/)**: December 12, 2023 (1 week later)**
Update mFor those who didn't see my original post, I have been raising my sister (11) since she was a baby. Well, she's always called me by first name and has known I'm her brother. Well about a week ago while half asleep she called me dad.
After that, she went back to calling me by my first name so I decided to take up advice from some comments. I told her that when half asleep she could call me Dad she looked panicky and apologized. I told her she had no reason to apologize and I actually wanted to talk to her about it. I let her know if she wanted to she could call Me dad, but she never had to feel forced to call me dad like I said only if she wanted to. She started to cry, and she let me know there had been so many times she wanted to call me dad and almost have but stopped herself because I was her brother. I told her we both knew I'd never be just her brother. Plus a dad isn't always someone who is biologically your father but the person who raised you.
After that, we both cried, but the past few days I've been dad! It's been amazing honestly been amazing to hear. like I said in my original post I have always felt like a dad to her instead of a brother.
***One more thought from OOP:***
"I figured if she wants to she can she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to (who knows what will happen when she's a teenager) but I don't mind that she does want to and in certain ways, it feels like all my hard work raising her hasn't gone unnoticed" | 6,483 | 2023-12-19T05:09:02 | My baby sister called me dad | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18ltxbh/my_baby_sister_called_me_dad/ | false | false | [
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18lu20y | **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ThrowRA\_totravelor](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA_totravelor/). She posted in r/relationship_advice
Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the recommendation.
**Trigger Warning:** >!familial death; cognitive decline!<
**Mood Spoiler:** >!the right choice is made, but shitty behavior is not fixed and the whole thing is sad!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/18abu5r/am_i_39f_being_selfish_by_leaving_my_husband_44m/)**: December 3, 2023**
Throwaway account because I can’t believe I’m doing this but I need a neutral opinion…here goes:
Context: My (39F) parents and I live across the country from each other. My older brother and his family live closer to them, but still requires a flight to visit. My dad (73) passed away from a year-long battle with pancreatic cancer in mid-September. My mom (73) has also been in the process of diagnosing why she has increasing memory issues, specifically with language (understanding words and remembering names of everyday things). Right after he died, my mom’s cognitive tests showed a significant decline and she is currently in the process of being diagnosed with either Alzheimer’s or dementia.
My brother (44M) and I were by our dad’s side when he passed away and my husband (44M) flew in quickly after. We then had a memorial service about a month later in late October, where lots of extended family attended and it was lovely.
To top it off, the week before Thanksgiving, my friend/coworker (42M) died unexpectedly. I’m devastated.
Thanksgiving - my husband and I stayed local and had a nice, low-key holiday with his parents. My mom, brother, and much of my family got together on the other side of the country.
Christmas plans - I have 2 weeks off work. It’s my mom’s 74th birthday on 12/23. It’s also my 40th birthday on 1/1. My brother and his family plan to go for an extended time, just as I would ideally like to, to be with her at this time and to work on getting the house ready to be sold in the next 3-6 months and figure out if she needs to move into memory care and where, etc.
Dilemma: It’s very expensive to fly across country for Christmas and my husband is very practical with spending money. However, I don’t really care how much it’s costs right now - my mom needs me. I also need my mom. I’m reeling from 2 deaths in 2 months, plus her biggest challenge is communicating and using technology (so even FaceTime is tricky), and I don’t know how much time we have left with her.
My husband is saying I’m being “selfish for leaving him alone at Christmas and deal with the dog and house.” He thinks it’s enough that my brother is going to be there with her, and that we were just there twice (for my dad’s final breaths and subsequent funeral) so we should go some time in January or February.
Husband will technically not be “alone” while I’m gone - his brother (with a wife and kids) and parents live nearby and another brother (also wife and kids) will be visiting for 3 weeks.
I’ve said he could come with me and we figure out who can watch the dog. His response is that it’s too $$ and he doesn’t view it as a “vacation” since the bed in my old room is small, etc.
He has suggested that we should go away somewhere for a few days since I have the time off work…but obviously not across the country to my mom’s house.
I could structure the travel dates to leave for 10 days and still see his family that’s visiting, and be back before my birthday. So we’d still have time together while I’m off work/celebrate together.
Regardless, to him - if I go I’m being selfish. But I disagree because it’s not about him right now.
So should I book a ticket or am I a jerk who should put my husband higher up on my priority list?
***Relevant Comment:***
*This comment exchange (top comment):*
Commenter:
>he doesn’t view it as a “vacation”
Um yeah, because its not a vacation?! Its a trip to visit your mom, who lost her husband, you lost your dad just recently. Your mom is ill, who knows how much time you have left with her (her ability to recognise you might quickly fade too)
Your husband really wants to put a $sign on this? On spending the maybe last Christmas with your mom while she is still able to know who you are?
>He thinks it’s enough that my brother is going to be there with her
What about your feelings. You WANT to be there. That alone is more than enough reason to go.
>“selfish for leaving him alone at Christmas and deal with the dog and house.”
Wtf, is he a little kid?
I would probably be very blunt with him. "I don't care how much it costs. I want to see my mom so I will. I need you to support me in this. If you don't want to join me, that's fine. But don't you dare trying to make me feel guilty for going to see her. She is ill. I don't know how much time we have left with her. I'm still grieving the loss of my dad and my friend and being with my mom will give me comfort for that. Do my feelings matter so little to you, that you are bothered by how it's a little more expensive or that you will be 'alone' on Christmas? I can't believe you call me selfish. Please take a look in the mirror."
OOP:
"I appreciate the script! Super helpful, and I have actually said these things in a calm but direct manner, and was met with guilt trips that prompted this post. I think he’s having a hard time processing everything and thinking of his own parent’s demise…which like others have said, they are closer and we see them regularly.
He has said I should go if I will resent him for not going, but even still I know the next 2 weeks will include guilt-trips for leaving when I book the ticket. I would help pick out and buy gifts for his family before I leave so he doesn’t have to do all that himself.
It’s the being called “selfish” that really hurts and being made to feel like a bad wife. This is a uniquely shitty circumstance."
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/18ggc4b/update_am_i_39f_being_selfish_for_leaving_my/)**: December 12, 2023 (9 days later)**
I wanted to give everyone a quick update and huge thank you for all the advice and support! I’m embarrassed to even have to ask about this but your validation this past week really has helped me a ton.
With all your encouragement, I booked my departure flight to go see my mom so that I could lock in a decent price and relieve some anxiety. A few days later, I was able to book my return flight with points that I’ve been saving for ages, so the cost really hasn’t been too terrible.
I opted to go for 10 days and sadly I’ve been getting the cold shoulder (as expected) since telling my husband, and my mental health is at an all time low. I reached out to a grievance counselor today to help process the loss of my dad and friend, and cope with my mom’s upcoming diagnosis.
We have a lot to consider in the future but thank you for helping me have the confidence to do what’s right in my heart and spend time with my precious mama for her birthday and first holiday season after losing my dad in September.
With gratitude, hugs 🖤
***One more thought from OOP:***
"Thank you and agreed. Money is definitely finite but you also can’t take it with you…plus, time with my mom is priceless. I don’t know why he doesn’t get it and I’m sad for him tbh. I just hope he realizes that this coldness will push me away, not make me want to stay here again. (I realized that we stayed home last holiday so I technically missed my dad’s last Thanksgiving and Christmas…can’t let that happen this time around.)" | 3,611 | 2023-12-19T05:16:04 | Am I (39F) being selfish by leaving my husband (44M) at home for Christmas? | ONGOING | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18lu20y/am_i_39f_being_selfish_by_leaving_my_husband_44m/ | false | false | [
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18m9nfo | **Just a reminder that I am not the OOP**
Trigger Warning: >!Child Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Infidelity, Alleged Child Trafficking!<
Mood Spoiler: >!Things look good for OP and her husband!<
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
[Post 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18g16cr/aitah_for_throwing_my_motherinlaws_cheating_in_my/?sort=top): AITAH for throwing my mother-in-law's cheating in my husband's face? - Dec 11th, 2023
So, I (27f) and my husband Liam (25m) have been married for two years now but we've known each other since middle school. My sister Niya (31f) recently separated from her husband because she was having an affair. I know that it's wrong and I've been open and honest about what happened with my husband. The thing is, she's going through a really rough time right now because her ex is turning their kids against her and she needs support.
Last night, my husband and I had an argument about it and he said that I shouldn't associate with Niya and that it's my niece and nephew who really need my support. We argued about it and it got loud between us and I just pointed out that he's never cut his mom off and she cheated on his dad non-stop until the day he died. My husband got really quiet then and it's not like we've stopped talking but we have stopped talkinga bout my sister.
My husband is Chinese and his father was from Hong Kong. His father was in his late forties when he went to Vietnam and married his mother Fan, who was barely 18. She was still 18 when Liam was born and they had immigrated. Now, I want to point out, you would not know that Fan is an immigrant, she spent years getting rid of her accent, she's got veneers, she got into engineering college and has a really high paying job.
Except, as my husband told me, she constantly cheated on his father and she trained him since he was a little kid to not tell him. His father died thinking she was loyal and I get it from my husband's perspective, he never knew she was wrong to do that. But he did eventually learn and it's not like he's cut her out of his life, so I don't see why what I said was an AH move but maybe I'm wrong.
**OOP's lengthy** [**comment**](https://www.reddit.com/u/FiskCase0/comments/18gsl5y/comment/kd2j22z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **about her MIL:**
"I just saw this and I want to point out, my husband's relationship with his mother is complicated because he loves her dearly. He would never call her a bad parent and his therapist and I are the only ones he's ever talked to about how she used to act. I honestly couldn't reconcile what he told me about his mother with the woman I know because after we got married she gave me the biggest hug and said "I finally have a daughter".
But since he was a little kid, she'd expose him to her affairs and he's seen and heard far more than any child ever should have seen (no, she did not literally have s ex with her partners right in front of his eyes). She even told him once "never find a woman like me". It's to the point where I feel certain that it was abusive. But he refuses to accept that because he sees them as "just affairs" even though he goes to therapy over how it messed him up.
To him, his mother is the woman who always volunteered at his school, worked as the duty mom at lunch, despite her actual job, would drive an hour to our university multiple times a week just to check on him or give him lunch or cook him dinner. Who still calls him every night just to tell him she loves him. That's what he sees his mother as even though he knows how wrong it was of her to do what she did. And yes, I've asked if his mom hurt him so much why let him be close and his answer is always the same and it's just that she needs him.
Maybe that makes me wrong in having used that to make my point but I love my sister and I'm scared that what's going on could push her to the deep end. I feel like she needs me just as he feels that his mom needs him. I don't want my niece and nephew to lose their mother but I'm scared they might."
**Other** [**Comments**](https://www.reddit.com/u/FiskCase0/comments/18gsl5y/comment/kd2j22z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **from Post 1**:
* OOP responding to a person assuming her husband saw her MIL without clothes as a child: "*Pretty much. He saw more of his mother than he should have when she'd go to greet her lovers and was just told to sit on the couch and watch tv by her while it was going on. Beyond that, he might not have seen her having sex with her lovers, but he heard it. There was also times when his mother would yell at his dad "for not being man enough to give her a daughter" that made him feel unwanted. That said, his mother did smooth that over with him.*"
* OOP responding to a person calling her MIL an awful parent: "*Maybe she is, but he would never call her that. For mother's day, he took her to Seattle and treated her to a wonderful day. For her birthday, he rented out a hall and threw her an amazing celebration. And if he can still do so much for his mother when she did such wrong to him, I don't see why I can't be there for my sister who has done so much for him.*"
* OOP responding to a person saying her MIL is not a good parent: "*I agree, it doesn't make her a good one. But he'd go down insisting she's the best mother.*"
* OOP responding to a person asking why she is supporting her sister and not her niece and nephew: "*Obviously they are important but guess what? They need their mother and they need her to be healthy and right now, I'm all she has. So excuse me if I don't give them because their idiot father isn't letting them give their mother any time.*"
* OOP on her MIL being trafficked: "*His mother was not trafficked and she herself would say that she wasn't. She has been in constant contact with her family since she left Vietnam and has been on vacations there with nobody but my husband since he was two years old. If she wanted to leave his father, then she could have. Do I agree with a man near fifty marrying a teenager? Hell no. But my mother in law was not trafficked, she saw her husband as a ticket to a better life and she took it.*"
[Post 2](https://www.reddit.com/u/FiskCase0/comments/18gsl5y/comment/kd2j7mx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): UPDATE POST - Dec 12th, 2023
And just in case my new post gets removed, this is my update:
I don't have much to say, since it's clear that my account got downvoted into being banned.
However, my husband saw my post last night because he himself has talked a lot about his situation on Reddit since it's anonymous. It's me, his therapist and online forums. It made him laugh because he wasn't sure if I was trying to attack his mother or defend her. It led to a talk about his mother and my sister and my niece and nephew and we came to the decision that we were too involved.
I'll still be there for my sister and he'll still be there for his mother but we've decided to take a snap vacation to Mexico next week. Two weeks where we just get to be us with no other family members and celebrate a Christmas alone. So, while I disagree with a lot of things people said about me and my sister, I thank you because it made my husband laugh and now we're going to Mexico. | 5,112 | 2023-12-19T19:05:32 | AITAH for throwing my mother-in-law's cheating in my husband's face? | NEW UPDATE | BlujjonBudgie | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18m9nfo/aitah_for_throwing_my_motherinlaws_cheating_in_my/ | false | false | [
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18mmfwd | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Inner-Noise3664, **Originally posted to** r/Infidelity
Here is the [Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/188w4oc/my_22_m_girlfriend_23f_wants_to_keep_her_affair/) I did.
**My (22 M) girlfriend (23F) wants to keep her affair baby**
**Editor’s Note: added spaces for readability**
**NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** ----
Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, physical violence, verbal abuse, mentions of past suicide attempt!<
---
**RECAP**
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/17ymvik/my_22_m_girlfriend_23f_wants_to_keep_her_affair/?share_id=1Wyl5bhpWvqDjw4XybhVv&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 18, 2023**
(sorry for bad English)
My girlfriend had an affair with a coworker (30M) she even went on a 7 days vacation with him.
After she told me about her affair she begged for mercy and we went into counselling, she blocked him in everything and she showed me that she wanted to fight for our relationship.
Three months into our reconciliation we were doing great, I even told her that I wanted to have a baby with her someday and then her face went pale, I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she was pregnant... It was from AP.
I was obviously angry and asked her to have an abortion or put the baby into adoption, but she wants to keep the baby and making me the dad...
I want to be a father, but I want it to be my own child... Not someone else's. Should I leave her? Or should I try to convence her to abort?
Edit for more context: We have been together for four years, we started as roommates because she needed money to pay her house.
The affair lasted two months, she confessed the affair to me after a "working trip". The AP told her to leave me for him, she got scared and left him.
She confessed everything to her family and mine as a gesture of reconciliation.
**UPDATED COMMENT**
>**OP:** I have an update, the affair partner doesn't exist, I followed the suggestion I read here about another possible social network and all seemed fine, it was all because the supposedly AP(M 30M) doesn't exist, it was my brother (24M) I will confront her when she comes home from work, I'm fucking destroyed right now.
[Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/17yvmjm/updatemy_22_m_girlfriend_23f_wants_to_keep_her/) - **Nov 19, 2023**
So... Yesterday I posted this asking for suggestions and help, someone in this
Reddit told me about some other social network that they could be using, so I followed his/her suggestion and I went through her laptop...
Worker AP(30M) doesn't exist, the real AP is my brother (24M) and is been going on for more than two months. They have been making fun of me, my body and my insecurities behind my back, they have been making all kind of stuff in my house where I was working outside (I work as a cook) but that's not the tip of the iceberg.
They got married during that seven day vacation and the worst of all my parents knew about this as well as her family, they were sending photos to each other. I found all this looking through all her chats, she didn't had added my brother, but I know is him because of the photos and some things that only he knows...
Well, I waited for her to come back from work, I was feeling (and Im still) broken and really hurt, once she came back I asked her immediately about this, she just smile and told me that she was tired of pretending, that she only stayed with me untill the lease was over and that the child was my brother's...
I packed my stuff and left, I'm now with my big sister, she is as shocked and hurt as I am, she has been calling my parents, brother and girlfriend all day.
My parents are the only one who tried to contact me, but I don't answer, I will cut off my parents and brother.
Thank you for all the support, I will update if something else happens, but right now I just will try to calm down.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**Wtfamidoingitw1:** What the actual fuck. My brother, its time to go scorched earth. Expose them online to everyone they know - your friends, coworkers - everyone. Does her family know?
>**OP:** Her parents do know about it, they were there with my parents.
[Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/181dhsp/update_2_my_22m_girlfriend_23f_wants_to_keep_her/) - **Nov 22, 2023**
Hi, it's been three days since everything exploted, I have been really sad and depressed during this days, but I'm whit my sister and that's making me feel better.
For people who are reading this first: My girlfriend cheated on me and married my brother behind my back, then she left me. She is pregnant with his child and my parents and her's knew about this.
I have to answer some questions I received. 1¿You slept with your girlfriend after she told you about the affair? -no I didn't, but I did sleep with her when she was married to my brother, I still don't know why they would do that. 2¿Does the rest of the family know? -no, but I already told them, even my ex-girlfriend family, the only person who knew where my parents and her's. 3¿Does your sister knows? -no, she has been like an outcast for my family, she is lesbian, so my family didn't like her much, she has always been there for me, she is my best friend.
Now with the update, I have been staying with my sister this three days, I have been really depressed, but she was with me all the time, we even played some cyberpunk.
I had to left my job because my sister don't trust me with a knife in my hands at this moment (I had attempted to suicide before). She told me what my parents told her, they want to meet with me to explain everything, she told me that I didn't need to do it if I didn't wanted, but I want to know everything, so I have met with them this Friday.
I went to take some things from my previous house, and my brother was there with my ex, my sister, who came with me in case something happened, almost punched him, he has been repudied from most of the family, as well as my parents.
So... That's the update, my family keeps breaking and I am looking forward to confronting my parents. Thank you for your good messages and the bad too, my sister is reading me your comments and I am happy with your suggestions.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**Tailbone77:** All I will say is, garbage always ends up in a pile and those two pieces of trash deserve each other. You dodged a major bullet, by not procreating with that demon. As for your "brother", well, consider him dead to you...
As for your parents, whatever verbal diarrhoea that they will spew now, won't really change what happened and if you do decide to continue to have a relationship with them, well, that is up to you...
God bless your sister, and may your bond with her never be broken...
>**OP:** I will take my sister with me, I don't trust my parents anymore and having her with me makes me feel safe and secure.
**Commentator warns OOP about his parents trying to manipulate him. Have the sister there to support OOP during the meeting with the parents**
>**OP:** They were looking and my brother giggled, when my sister heard that I had to hold her, she was really mad. She has always been protective with me, since I am the little one, she is the family member who is more closer to me since we were kids. 1-she told me that she would be with me, so I don't worry about that. 2-i have had a strange relationship with them since they reaction when my sister came out as a lesbian, so I don't expect them nothing less to try and manipulate me. Thank you for your concern.
[Before the meeting](https://www.reddit.com/user/Inner-Noise3664/comments/182u3e6/before_the_meeting/) - **Nov 24, 2023**
In two hours I will be seeing my parents, I have been feeling pretty uneasy all day, I have prepared some questions and a recording device.
[Update #4](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/183v0zj/update_3my_22m_girlfriend_23f_wants_to_keep_her/?share_id=CGHg3O0pWmaWVxB1OuYcU&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 25, 2023**
Context:For people who are reading this first: My girlfriend cheated on me and married my brother behind my back, then broke up with me. She is pregnant with his child and my parents and her's knew about this.
(Sorry for bad English)
So yesterday I went to met my parents with my sister, I had all prepared (questions, a recording dispositive...) And I wanted some answers before going no contact.
Some people from here advise me not to go and i should have listened to them.
Once I arrive there with my sister, my parents were mad that she was there with me, I told them that they were in no position of making demands, then they tried to make an "apologise" that didn't sounded like one, but I just asked them the first question. "¿For how long did you know about this?" They were quiet, but then my father said that they were leaving them their own house for them to make their deeds! Can you imagine?! I was not hurt, I was furious! I knew that my brother was the golden child but this just infiruated me!
I just keept asking them questions and I discovered that the first who discovered the affair was my ex-gf dad, then he contacted my parents and the four of them met with my brother and my ex and the six of them came with the idea of the "blissful lie" (words of my dad) they didn't wanted to hurt me, but they thought that my brother and my ex would be happier together since they decided to betray me in the first place...
I was really furious with that, my sister was really pissed to and she started screaming at my parents, then my brother came, my sister and I went quiet and my mum started making stories about mending things and been there as an aunt and an uncle for the baby, my sister was angry and said that she wouldnt be there for that kid, then my brother said something like "this will be the only child you will have related by blood" my sister went silence and I punch him without thinking, is the first time I punch someone and I couldn't be happier to be honest...
My brother started bleeding from his nose and my parents started yelling at me, I just told them that they had lost two children and we left.
Now I am here in my sister's house and my hand hurts, but I am happy for protecting my sister and myself. I will start therapy soon, and I am thinking in joining the gym too...
But as long as I am writing this my bad thoughts are less common, so... I think that's great news...
(Is the fourth time I try to put this update in this subreddit)
EDIT: All my family knows about what happened, my ex's family too, I send them the chats between my brother and my ex, I even send the recordings of my meeting with my parents.
[Feeling down](https://www.reddit.com/user/Inner-Noise3664/comments/189eykm/feeling_down/) - **Dec 2, 2023**
It's been a week since my confrontation with my parents and nothing had happened, I'm just been feeling down lately, without force and just tired. I have seen my post in other sites and most of people make fun of me and called me a bad writer, this is not fiction, I don't know how to proof it, should I put images of the texts I found? I'm just tired.
[A little update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Inner-Noise3664/comments/18ciyo0/a_little_update/?share_id=KByw4G6zY9PiMHxFYOQey&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Dec 6, 2023**
My brother and my parents have press charges against me for breaking my brother's nose, so... Another bad news to the collection.
I'm looking for proof to see if I can sue them back for everything they did to me, I will update soon with more information, thank you for all your kind messages. I'm still feeling down, but like Elton John said, "I'm still standing".
----
# ---- **NEW UPDATE** ----
[A positive update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Inner-Noise3664/comments/18hqjak/a_positive_update/?share_id=h8qcyZalJDzPj2cSm8m-M&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Dec 13, 2023**
Hello, I have been reading your comments, and your messages, thank you! It really helped me. I have been feeling down, but now I kind of feel good.
I have contacted with a lawyer who recommended me not to take action against my family yet, his suggestion was wait until the trial to defense myself with the proof I gathered and then sue them back.
I will have to be in court the 21 of January, so I have more time to think about everything. My sister and I started the paper work to change our surnames, so we will still be family but only the two of us!
I will go this Christmas with my sister, her girlfriend and her family, so at least I won't be alone during the celebrations.
My sister and I adopted two dogs too! One is old (13 years) and the other is younger (2 years). So now I have more company!
Thank you for all the kind messages and sorry for the constant updates! I just need it to write it and see your positive messages and your suggestions are helping me a lot!! I'm very grateful and I consider you more family than my blood-related one!
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**Parreira1955:** F**k them OP, It's completely absurd that parents press charges against a son. Move on, relies on your sisters and go to full NC to all of them ...
>**OP:** That's my plan, I want to get away from them and never see them again, the only motive I would see them is to make a paternity test on the baby and nothing more.
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP** | 2,378 | 2023-12-20T05:00:12 | [New Update] - My (22 M) girlfriend (23F) wants to keep her affair baby | NEW UPDATE | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18mmfwd/new_update_my_22_m_girlfriend_23f_wants_to_keep/ | false | false | [
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18mmfzw | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/MNWNM
**Hell Hath No Fury Like Me Scorned**
**Originally posted to** r/ProRevenge
**Thanks to u/Throwaway-KDerby for suggesting this BoRU**
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!death of a parent, elder abuse, financial abuse, extreme hoarding, theft, property damage, death of a dog, cancer!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/s/rlUnrjVp00) **Nov 17, 2021**
Hell Hath No Fury Like Me Scorned
This story starts 31 years ago, but the revenge part was pure serendipity that began two years ago. I'm going to shorten some (most) parts because it's a crazy ride, but I'll be happy to answer any questions y'all have. I learned a fuckton on this journey, and part of the reason for this write-up is to share that with others.
The beginning:
In 1990 when I was just out of middle school and my my sister was still in elementary, my dad met his third wife at the only gas station in our town. They soon moved in together, and my dad abandoned us in our basement apartment to live on a shanty houseboat, that didn't run, to live with her. He would show up every other week and give me $40 for groceries. Eventually, someone figured out the situation and called my mom. We went to live with her which was, believe it or not, worse.
My dad and his shanty wife got married in 1991. Not long after, she called me and told me my dad's brain tumor had returned (it hadn't) and that he couldn't handle the stress of being around us. That the only people he could bear to be around was her, and her son, "Shorty," who was my age. When I called my dad to ask if this was true, he said it wasn't, and he just couldn't believe that she would say that to begin with. That was one of our last conversations until two years ago.
The middle:
There's not much in this part. I worked my way through college, living in my car from time to time. My dad and I were no contact, but I heard from family that he'd bought a house and put his "son" through some vocational classes. When my grandmother died, Shorty and Shanty Wife showed up in a truck and took all the furniture and anything else that wasn't tied down or already gone. Eventually, I went no contact with my dad's side of the family. I struggled for years, decades really, but I made it. And I have a great job and a good family now. The best revenge is living well, right?
The pre-end warmup:
Two years ago (Oct 2019) I got a call from my dad's brother, "Allen." He told me my dad was in a nursing home in another state (great!) and I needed to go see him because he needed my help (WTF?). Shorty had ghosted him (aahahahahHAHAH!). The nursing home, coincidentally, was about 20 minutes from my house. And I saw an opportunity and I went.
The reunion was underwhelming. I didn't want to make amends, but I DID want to hear how he wound up dumped and all alone in another state. And it was a really, really good story. Shanty Wife got lung cancer and put my dad in a nursing home before she died in 2017. She suffered, and I was happy to hear it but sad it wasn't ass cancer. Shorty became his power of attorney (POA) when she died, and had been visiting my dad, living in my dad's house with his two children, and "taking care" of my dad's affairs since his mom died. But now he was MIA, and my dad was worried about him. He asked me to drive the hour and a half to his house to check on everything. That's all he wanted. He never even asked me how I had been.
I agreed to go; I think out of morbid curiosity. I'd never even been to my dad's house. I did want to see where he lived with his "real" family for 30 years. I wanted to see what could have been my life. It was 50 shades of fucking awful. The grass hadn't been cut all summer. You couldn't get to the front door for the overgrowth. There were three pickup trucks in the yard; two were full of trash. Cabs and beds and backseats, just trash. Mail, clothes, paper, shoes, garbage bags. I couldn't understand it. My dad's handicapped-modified SUV was on four flats and full of garbage, too.
I didn't have a key, so I just walked around. From what windows I could look through, the inside was in shambles and hoarded to hell. On the front and carport doors were dozens of notices from the city that they were going to condemn the place. The carport was also hoarded. Boxes and boxes stacked on each other, most rotting from the rain. The yard was full of garbage. Broken Christmas ornaments, more shoes, rusted tools, old toys. There was a letter in the mailbox notifying him that since the house was abandoned, mail would not be delivered anymore. That night, I googled Powers of Attorney and how to use them.
I went back the next day and showed my (bedbound) dad the pictures on my phone. He vowed to "beat Shorty's ass," then asked me to help more. I told him I would, but he'd have to sign Power of Attorney over to me. All of it, durable (financial) and medical. If he didn't, he could figure this shit out by himself. He agreed, so I set about finding a lawyer who would drive to another state and do the paperwork in the nursing home. Bless that lawyer for being so good at his job, because all I did was tell him what I knew, and he put together a beautifully bulletproof POA. It was full of stuff I didn't even know I would need. He also filed the paperwork to revoke Shorty's POA. And now I'm unstoppable.
We're from a small, rural town and it's the kind of creepy, landlocked place that, no matter how long you've been gone or how far away you've been, when you go back, you'll see someone you know. Even if you don't know you know them. It's like playing Seven Degrees of Everybody, all the time. It's suffocating. But it can also be helpful.
The beginning of the end:
I got to work the next morning. I didn't know how scorched the earth would be when I finished, and I didn't want Shorty or anyone from his prolific, inbred family trying to find me, so I made sure nothing I did had my name on it.
I opened a google account for my dad and got a google number. I opened a PO Box for him in his town. I put in a mail forwarding notice. I pulled his credit report. I took the POA to my dad's small town bank, changed the address on his accounts and got new account numbers. I requested copies of every transaction back to the day Shanty Wife had died (about 13 months worth). I had to go to the main branch, two hours from my house, the next day to pick the records up. I sat in the lobby all afternoon, going through the account. I cornered a service rep and got a crash course in his debits and deposits. This is when I figured out the extent of Shorty's staggering stupidity.
My dad got about $5K a month in disability and social security every month. Twice a week, Shorty was going INTO a branch and withdrawing cash. ALL of the cash. For 13 months. And every time he did it, as the POA, he had to sign a form stating that he was acting on behalf of my dad, and that form was notarized by the bank. I went through every withdrawal and got the bank to confirm that every one of them was made by Shorty.
Then I went to the house and called a locksmith. I knew it was bad, but I had no idea what was waiting for me there. He got the first door open, and the stench rolled out like a fog bank. We both gagged. Two locks later, I was so embarrassed by what he had to see and smell, I gave him a $60 tip. And, with shiny new keys in hand, I called the cops. I told them I was POA for my dad, was checking on his house, and there were three vehicles there that didn't belong to him. He asked me if I knew who they belonged to. I said no, and I wanted them towed. He told me to call a tow company and he would meet them there.
They showed up with two wreckers. The tow truck guy got out and asked me for a signature. I only signed my first name. As I was signing, he asked, "Do you know Shorty?" Running on pure hatred at this point, I surprised myself. "Do you?' I asked. He said he did, and that "...he's an asshole." I responded, "He might be. Hey, can you do me a favor? If you see him, will you tell him MNWNM is coming for him?" His bravado evaporated. He knows a crazy bitch when he sees one. They towed the trucks.
When everyone was gone, I opened the door in the carport to peek in. The sun was going down and it was dark in the house. I heard something faint, and after some seconds realized it was the roaches and the rats doing their roach and rat stuff. I could smell it all in my hair.
I sat on the carport steps and watched the sun go down. I was mad. Just so fucking cosmically LIVID that 72 hours was all it took to dissolve three decades and here I was, stinking and listening to the rats and cleaning everyone else's shit up. Taking time away from my family, and for what?
I had a coming-to-Jesus with myself; I could either bow out now, or double down. And the thing is, I'm tenacious. To a goddamn fault. I had to be to survive, and this was a bone I couldn't put down. The thought of Shorty's life being upended, his only source of income (probably) disappearing literally overnight, and my dad having to hear, second-hand FROM ME, that he's broke and alone, made me absolutely giddy. I desperately wanted them both to lose what they had left. So, I decided I was going to triple dog down. That night, I googled restraining orders.
And it was surprisingly easy to get one! I went to the courthouse in my hometown, went to the clerk's office, and told her I needed a restraining order. I filled the form in at a rickety little table while I was there. I wasn't prepared to see a judge that day, but she took the form and said "OK, I'll see if the judge is still here." That kind of scared me. She took me to his chambers, and as I was waiting, I looked around and saw he had certificates of appreciation hanging up from various veteran's groups. Then I wiped my palms and thought, "Fish in a fucking barrel." He asked about my my dad's stint in the Marines, and about the DoD office logo on my sweater (I'm a contractor). He read my form and granted the temporary order. I would have to go back for the permanent one, where Shorty would be able to argue against it. Then I went home and googled biohazard companies and elder abuse statutes in my state.
I hired a biohazard company to shovel all shit out of the house for $7K. I would have paid double. They found my dad's mummified dog under some pizza boxes in the master bedroom. They sent me pictures and salvaged some papers. Shorty was served during this time, and a hearing was set. I got to work collecting and documenting shit. I made pictures and spreadsheets and timelines with cross references because fuck it, now they had my full attention. (The paid versions of Truthfinder and Trello seriously got me through all this.) In my spare time, I went to the nursing home and gave my dad 8x10 copies of the pictures of his dead dog. From every angle.
Before court, I went to the police station nearby and told them I wanted to report an elder abuse crime. A "white collar" detective came out and told me it was a domestic matter and that since Shorty had been POA, everything he had done was legal.
And this was the day I got to teach a small town detective about the fiduciary responsibilities of a POA. Thanks google! I handed him a copy of the statute with the applicable sections highlighted. Then I handed him a thick folder with bank statements, pictures of the hoarded house and dead dog, a copy of my dad's credit report that showed he was tens and tens of thousands of dollars in debt, and a spreadsheet listing every cash withdrawal with a running total of the stolen amounts. The grand total was just over $130K in cash. That's not the including the lost value of the house or the credit cards he opened and used. I told him he could keep that folder since it wasn't the only one I had. Then I told him I would wait for a case number, and I sat down. He came back about 30 minutes later and apologized, said I had a case, and gave me a case number. Then I headed over to the courthouse.
This is the end:
There were other people there and I had to wait my turn. And while I was waiting, that stupid motherfucker schlepped his sloppy ass into the courtroom, by himself and obviously, literally, non-metaphorically, dirty. His shoes were untied and that turned my giggle box over. Then it was our turn and we stood up. The (same) judge asked me some questions, asked him some questions, and asked me if I had any proof. I had a very thick folder of it. The judged asked me if I had gone to the police. Well yes, sir, I have. Do you have a case number? As a matter of fact... The order was granted, permanently and for life, but not before the judge halted proceedings and told Shorty he needed a lawyer.
Someone told me that the courthouse would have a copy of my dad's DD214 (discharge papers) so while I was there, I got a copy of those, because why not? I also used my POA to take Shanty Wife off the deed to the house. That way, if my dad died and it went into probate, Shorty had no immediate claim. I also went and got copies of my dad's birth certificate and Shanty Wife's death certificate. Technically, step children can't request that info, but the clerk who waited on me recognized my dad's name and told me she lost her virginity to my uncle Allen in the 60s, and went to my grandparent's funeral. So I got all the forms I wanted.
Shanty Wife left my dad $50K in life insurance. About $35K of that was left since Shorty was spending my dad's money and not his mom's. So I opened an Ally account and transferred every penny over. Then I set up recurring transfers for the monthly deposits. At any given time, there was no more than $100 in his account. I also found a house flipper that paid me enough for the house to pay off his mortgage. That's the thing about probate, there's nothing to fight over if there's nothing there. And I made sure there was fucking NOTHING there. My dad died thinking he stilled owned a house.
Speaking of which, this is about the time I found my dad's life insurance policies. They were up to date, and Shanty Wife was the beneficiary. My POA didn't allow me to change beneficiaries, but it allowed me to assign them, and since Shanty Wife was dead, there was technically no beneficiary. This is where the death certificates came in handy! I assigned my sister and me as beneficiaries. Irrevocable, too, which means that the only way to change that is for my dad AND me AND my sister to agree to it.
I kept my dad in the dark about all this. The only thing he ever really knew about was the restraining order and his dead dog. I found out that he had purchased the gravesite next to Shanty Wife and wanted to be buried next to her. That was just never going to fucking happen. I googled national cemeteries, and found out he qualified to be in one since he was a disabled Vietnam-era veteran. So I arranged for that, instead.
All the cherries on top:
My dad died in June this year and I was there. He's buried in a National Cemetery far away where no one will ever go visit him. The only obituary I ran was on the funeral home's website and that only for insurance purposes. I wrote it as vague as possible. There was no service. His urn is purple, the color he hated most.
I got a call in August from the prosecutor's office in my hometown. The lady on the other end is married to my first cousin because of course she is; that's how it fucking works there. Shorty was arrested just after midnight on July 1st, was still in jail, and had been arraigned on felony elder abuse charges. He's facing 10 years in FPMITA prison. She told me not to expect the trial any time soon, as it can take up to three years for that to happen. I told her that was awesome since the uncertainty will hopefully haunt him. And after all that, he's still got prison to look forward to!
He lost his kids. He lost his "dad." I'm spending his mom's cancer money. He lost his free house and trucks. He has no credit and will never be able to get any sort of decent job and will, hopefully for a long time, not be able to find a decent place to live.
And I sleep like a fucking baby.
Edited to add pictures that I scattered throughout the thread, with some extra bonus pictures:
[Shorty's mugshot with identifying info removed.](https://imgur.com/lTZgFFI?r)
[One of the many notices left by the city.](https://imgur.com/3cOhmFb?r)
[Locksmith working on first lock.](https://imgur.com/QJcXQyb?r)
[Back door and my grandmother's dining room table.](https://imgur.com/a5elBVv?r)
[Carport.](https://imgur.com/IVvsmKH?r)
[Living room.](https://imgur.com/nWcpL5a?r)
[Back patio.](https://imgur.com/Rir49cy?r)
[Living room after company cleaned it up.](https://imgur.com/QmEFfZp?r)
[Dead dog room before.](https://imgur.com/iHGVOtV?r)
[Dead dog room after.](https://imgur.com/Y8KCtzf?r)
[Purple urn IRL.](https://imgur.com/SPExuIo?r)
[Urn is behind the flag.](https://imgur.com/zRw4EFl?r)
[Bundle of casings gathered after the service.](https://imgur.com/t0IUkk8?r)
[One page from bank statement.](https://imgur.com/2wKG46o?r)
[Unopened DVD box set of The Midnight Special's performances from 1973 to 1980.](https://imgur.com/1jNqD2d?r)
[Backyard storm shelter.](https://imgur.com/qzCfEON?r)
[My sister and I spent 10 hours dragging the stuff out of the yard to the street. The next day, the bins and bags had been torn apart by neighbors.](https://imgur.com/mSjOVf5?r)
[Update - 2 years later](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/s/LXvqT7YzEv) **Dec 13, 2023**
Hell Hath no Fury Like Me Scorned - Part II, Felony Boogaloo
Hello, r/ProRevenge! A couple of years ago, I posted a revenge story involving my step-mother Shanty Wife, my step-brother Shorty, and my dad, who is now resting in a purple urn. In case you missed it, [you can read it here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/qvov5v/hell_hath_no_fury_like_me_scorned_also_posted_on/) Well, I finally have an update!
To recap, Shorty, my step-brother, was my dad's Power of Attorney while he was sick and had heinously abused his position, stealing a very large sum of money. When I got involved, I got a restraining order against Shorty, filed charges, took over my dad's care, and exacted some sweet revenge in the process. I was warned by the court's Victim's Advocate, who is my first cousin because that's how it is in that town, that bringing Shorty to trial for what he did would take a very long time. She was correct.
In the meantime, I monitored Shorty's online activities. When he moved out of state, I called the court and let them know just in case it violated his bail. When he got a job as a truck driver, I called the court to let them know he was repeatedly leaving his home state just in case it violated his bail.
Then, six months ago, I got a call from the same victim's advocate. The trial was going to be set soon, and the court wanted input from the family regarding possible plea deals and sentencing. He was indicted on felony elder abuse and was facing 15 years in prison. The advocate let me know that the family could request prison time, or plea him down to work release with restitution. The upside to prison was obvious, but the downside would be that we would not likely receive restitution since he'd be perpetually poor and in prison. With work release, we would receive restitution, but he would have his freedom. Somewhat. She wanted to know which we preferred. I asked for the night to think it over.
Shorty's future rested in my hands and I wanted to savor it. What kind of god did I want to be? To decide, I needed to do some math. If he went to prison for 15 years, he would be out in half or less. Seven years is a long time. But restitution would surely take as long if not longer, and I would get the pleasure of taking his money every month, for years and years and years. I liked the thought of him working every day, toiling away in shit conditions for shit pay and him knowing that a portion of that shit day would be for nothing. I *loved* the thought that I would be the reason for it.
So I called her back and told her we would be OK with a plea deal to felony supervised release and restitution. I didn't hear anything further until last week, when the advocate called me again to let me know he'd accepted a deal.
The Deal:
He plead guilty to felony elder exploitation, 1st degree. He received 15 years, split and suspended which means he won't serve any jail time. Two years will be on felony work supervision where he'll have to call in to his parole officer every day and be drug tested almost as frequently. After that, he'll be on regular probation for up to five years. The judge will schedule check-ins with him to ensure he's paying restitution and meeting the requirements of his work release and parole.
The Restitution:
He has to pay back $130,539.39. He was ordered to pay $300 a month beginning 01/01/2024. My math gamble paid off; it will take him 36 ***years*** to pay that back at $300 a month. If he misses a payment, he will go to jail. I will be in his life for decades, taking back from him bit by bit what he stole.
So I think that's going to be it. I've done everything I can do, apart from being there to catch him if he violates the terms of his release. Thank you for reading this tangled web of revenge. I hope it warms your heart for the holidays!
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 9,225 | 2023-12-20T05:00:19 | Hell Hath No Fury Like Me Scorned + 2 year update | CONCLUDED | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18mmfzw/hell_hath_no_fury_like_me_scorned_2_year_update/ | false | false | [
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18mmglg | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/ThrowRA-ornerychamp, **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice
[Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17mmh6b/i_26f_am_pregnant_after_a_fertility_strugglebeing/)
**I (26F) am pregnant after a fertility struggle/being told I may never get pregnant. My husband (42M) just admitted to having an affair & getting someone else pregnant. Not sure what to do.**
**NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** ----
Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity, fertility issues, abortion, betrayal, traumatic and premature birth!<
---
**RECAP**
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/175uhav/i_26f_am_pregnant_after_a_fertility_strugglebeing/?share_id=9tkLQe7a12TlrieKKcAa2&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 11, 2023**
My husband & I got married 3 years ago. When I was a teenager I was told that due to medical complications I may never be able to have children but after two years of trying and fertility treatments I’m now halfway through my pregnancy with our miracle baby.
Unfortunately because of some complications I had to cut back on my hours at work (it’s very physical). My husband offered to pick up more hours to compensate, so he has been working a lot more in the past 2 months and coming home later.
I couldn’t see that anything was amiss. Things were the same as they’ve always been. He always brings home flowers, food, things for the baby, coffee, he’s always sending me thoughtful and loving texts through the day. The gaps where he was unreachable were explainable.
But this morning he sat me down and gave me news that rocked me. He told me he’s been having an affair for the past six weeks and that his affair partner just found out that she’s pregnant.
He says that if she decides to keep the baby she’s going to raise it by herself and that they mutually agreed to end the relationship already. He wants to make things right.
I don’t know how things can ever be right again. He just wants to move on from what he is calling his “transgression”.
How do I ever forgive him? How do you deal with the unthinkable? How do I learn to live with the idea that my child’s sibling might be out there somewhere someday? Most importantly, how do I learn to move on like he wants me to?
Edit: I have an OB appointment for unrelated medical reasons tomorrow at which I will make sure to request extensive testing. I have plans to meet with a lawyer on Monday. I’m talking to my sister to see if I can stay with her; my relationships with much of my family are fractious but I have a pretty positive relationship with her.
I will not be seeking “other options” other than having my baby due to being pretty far along and having been told in the past I would not conceive. Regardless of what my husband has done I love my child.
Edit2: I saw my OB on Friday and will hopefully have some test results (fingers crossed for all negative!) within the next few days. I will meet the lawyer tomorrow and go from there. My sister advised me to stay in the house that my husband and I co own until I talk to a lawyer.
This has been such an emotionally harrowing time for me. He’s acting like everything is normal. All i want to do is sleep. I keep telling myself it’ll be over soon.
**Relevant Comments**
***lilpandatoys:** I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t be okay having a baby with a man who just abandoned one.*
>**OP:** I keep coming back to this. It sounds like she’s on the fence about the pregnancy (which is ultimately 100% her choice!), but the ease with which he’s willing to take the stance of just forgetting the whole thing happened is hard for me.
>
>I’m more than halfway through my pregnancy—23 weeks—so I’m in a different position.
***LovinInfo:** Was thinking the exact thing! I’m not getting that he has any fear of losing you! Why?? Either he thinks you’re easy to control? Or not that bright? Or desperate to stay his wife? Which is it? Why isn’t he begging you to stay with him? Why does he feel you’ll just go along with forgetting that he’s cheated on you?*
>**OP:** I think he knows that my initial reaction was going to be that yes, we could fix this or that I would agree to make things right. I think that he knows that I have so much invested (emotionally) in this relationship. He is my first real love, my first well everything really, and that I’m more likely to fight for what we have than to give it up.
>
>Even i’m surprised at how conflicted I feel.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17hwidm/update_my_26f_husband_42m_got_another_woman/) - **October 27, 2023**
Where to begin?
First off, the OW decided to terminate her pregnancy, which was confirmed to me by her. Talking to her was really weird and didn’t answer a lot questions that I had for her. This is a person who knows me and has met me a number of times and I just don’t get it. The motivations on both sides don’t make any sense to me, and I don’t know if they ever will. It helped to learn there was no romantic feelings but it was still confusing; especially since i perceive my husband and I to have a healthy sex life (as often as 4-6 times per week) and I don’t really get what’s fun or exciting about leaving the boundaries of your marriage.
We are in therapy, separately and together. Going separately is helping me to sort out a lot of my own feelings, but I think that going together is essential one way or another as well.
He has been cooperative and participatory in therapy. I’m hopeful that we can figure at least some things out. We’ve had a lot of conversations about why it won’t be easy for me to just forgive this and why I need answers and changes in behavior and I do feel like I’ve been heard.
Divorce is not completely off the table, but it’s a hard situation to be in, especially in a vulnerable state like being pregnant. I’ve consulted with a lawyer and made my parameters clear to him, but for right now i want to try to work things out.
I know this isn’t the update that a lot of people probably hoped for, but for me I think this is the right choice.
Thank you all for your words of encouragement, advice, and perspective. I definitely took a lot of things to heart and will remember them for a long time! It’s very appreciated.
Edit: I want to make it clear since people seem confused—divorce is not off the table. What is off the table right now is trying to make a decision that will affect my life greatly when I’m already in an extremely vulnerable physical/mental position without making an attempt at healing both on my own and with him. Even if we end up divorced in the end, allowing myself time means that things have a higher chance of being amiable and easier for all of us—especially our child.
---
# ---- **NEW UPDATE** ----
[His affair(s) ruined everything](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/185l4tx/his_affairs_ruined_everything/) - **November 27, 2023**
Six months ago, my life was the best it has ever been. My husband and I had just found out that we were pregnant after IVF, our relationship seemed happy and strong as it ever has. Just absolutely on top of the world.
I found out he’d had an affair in mid-October where his AP had gotten pregnant as well. The AP terminated the pregnancy and I was prepared to work through things with him, even just to end up divorcing amicably.
Then I found out that shortly before we got married he’d had another affair that I never found out about previous. I was devastated beyond devastation. He said some things to me that I will never forget or be able to forgive.
I went into preterm labor at 26 weeks which they were able to stop, but after 4 weeks I’m still having a lot of complications and I may have to deliver the baby early. My husband has been nasty and uncooperative since we fought. he hasn’t come to see me in the hospital even once in four weeks.
My life was incredible before all of this / before I knew about all of this. I wish I could go back to that.
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 5,293 | 2023-12-20T05:00:59 | [New Update] - I (26F) am pregnant after a fertility struggle/being told I may never get pregnant. My husband (42M) just admitted to having an affair & getting someone else pregnant. Not sure what to do. | NEW UPDATE | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18mmglg/new_update_i_26f_am_pregnant_after_a_fertility/ | false | false | [
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18mmgs1 | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Desperasberry
**I was told that our companies christmas party's theme is "ugly sweater" when it was not.**
**Originally posted to** r/work
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!hostile workplace!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/work/s/FMW6NNimlX) **Dec 9, 2023**
I work as a preschool teacher. My company has about 20 people, counting internships, and hosted a christmas party at a local restaurant yesterday. I work there since May.
Weeks ago I was told that the theme for the party is "ugly sweater" which is fantastic since I really enjoy wearing those. But to "top it of" I ordered a knitted dress in the style of an ugly sweater and some thermo-thighs. I was excited and even showed some people screenshots of the dress, to which they all responded positively.
Yesterday evening I arrived at the restaurant and was greated by a very formal office look among all my coworkers. Small black or red dresses, formal jackets, skirts, white button down shirts, high heels. And me wearing my knitted dress in the middle of it all.
I felt underdressed at best until I tried to ask a new colleague about the dress code. She started working just 3 weeks ago and she told me its all "business chic" but people assured her everyone knew so she didn't need to write it in our WhatsApp Group (where I could have seen it)
Through snippets I got from many conversations I learned that only I, the one who wears ugly sweaters to work, was told about this theme and one colleague literally asked my boss if she doesn't pay me enough for nice clothes...
Monday work will start again and I have no idea on where to find the courage to go.
[UPDATE on I was told the party theme is "ugly sweater" when it was not](https://www.reddit.com/r/work/s/N8hv94FEkI) **Dec 13, 2023**
Little recap: I work in a preschool with children between 3-6 and we had a company christmas party in a restaurant. Leading to that multiple people told me the dress code/theme would be "ugly sweater" but I was the only one wearing that while others wore small black dresses, suits and other clothes leaning more into "business chic"
Update: Damn, I did not think my post would blow up. First of all I want to all of you that suggested to keep my head up and for all your nice wishes. They helped me greatly.
But because there were some questions I decided to post an update - and also because I took some action.
Business Chic in a Preschool? No. We were in a restaurant in the evening all in private, so noone was dresses inappropriare for work or the children.
Who told you the Theme? It was not one person in particular. In the beginning when the party was announced - there never was mail - the host (a colleague) suggested the theme as its very christmas-y. But over just a day or two many people noped out of the idea. Some discussed their outfits, some even got ready together. I ordered a knitted dress to "top of" the idea of "just" wearing a sweater and pants. I showed screenshots of the dress I ordered to my coworkers and noone had the guts to update me on their ideas.
I spoke to my boss about that and even tho she suggested just like many of you that the dress looked great and showed some good humor, she understood that the behaviour of my coworkers was shitty.
Workplace Bullying? Yes. And I didn't recognize it. We got a new boss a few months ago and I noticed that since then things went down rapidly. She is younger than most of us and tries to be the cool kind of boss, which led people to greatly overstep whenever they had the chance. In this process I had people spreading gossip about me, excluding me multiple times and spilling out my coffee mugs to mess with me (which screams gaslighting to me). I am pretty sad when going home for weeks now while almost all preschools in Germany are looking for teachers.
I scheduled a meeting for tomorrow morning with my boss and the two most overstepping other coworkers and when this talk is not going into a direction that suits me I printed out all papers needed for quitting (by law in Germany).
I still need to figure out how I will tell all the wonderful parents of all the amazing children I work with that I struggle with a hostile work environment and may need to go for my own wellbeing. This all sucks, but I am thankful to all of you!
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**docmn615**
>i know this doesn't help, but I'd rather be friends with the person who wore the 'ugly christmas sweater' over the lames in their little cocktail dresses.
**OOP**
>>Oh this does help! I got many encouraging comments which helped me get over my initial sadness and fear of going to work on monday.
>>I did it and I held my head high!
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 4,922 | 2023-12-20T05:01:12 | I was told that our companies christmas party's theme is "ugly sweater" when it was not. | ONGOING | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18mmgs1/i_was_told_that_our_companies_christmas_partys/ | false | false | [
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18mmh2j | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/VariousBeat2198
**Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole
**AITA for fighting with my mil about not wanting kids at my wedding**
**Editor's Note: Added spaces for readability**
Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation, controlling behavior!<
----
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18g0uhc/aita_for_fighting_with_my_mil_about_not_wanting/?share_id=84kkryby3-o1cikRVwzJv&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **December 11, 2023**
I 21F is getting married to James 24M in January since the beginning of the planning process James and I have both stated that we do not want kids at the wedding.
This is where the problem starts my soon to be MIL has a large family with a lot of kiddos under 10 they are her sisters and brother kids so my fiancés cousins, when we brought up the fact of us not wanting kids at the wedding she flipped out on us saying why wouldn’t we, don’t we want to be surrounded by family etc. and told all her sisters what we had said, which then turned into people harassing me and James into having kids there because what’s the purpose of the wedding if we don’t want family there.
This isn’t the first incident of mom trying to control what we do either she wanted to make sure that people that neither I or James knows just because they are old family friends, we were bullied into not having a destination wedding because not everyone can make it and it’ll be our fault if they can’t go.
I have been trying to keep her out of the loop of planning for as long as possible because of her attitude towards everything we choose to do. I have people telling me I “need to get over it and just deal with kids or whatever it is she wants” because she is still the mother of my soon to be husband.
There have been many times when I have even thought about not having a wedding because she wants to treat it like a family reunion. So AITA for being upset that she’s wanting to do whatever she wants
**VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE**
&nsbp;
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**anitarielleliphe:** No, you are well within your rights to be upset that your wedding plans have been taken over by your MIL. However, let me ask you this. Have you given her justification to think she has a seat at the "decision table?" In other words, are your in-laws paying for the wedding?
If they are, then stop that. Pay for it yourself, or cancel it, if you do not want to be beholden to what your in-laws want you to do with your wedding.
If you are not taking money from them, then have your fiancé be the one to communicate what you will and will not be doing with the wedding. If you don't want kids, do not have them. This is your day, primarily, and there is nothing wrong with having a kid-free wedding, if you so choose.
If your original intent was to have a destination wedding, and you were going to pay for that yourself, then maybe revert back to those plans and then all of your problems are solved. It may mean changing the dates and postponing a bit, but then the people you want at the wedding will be at the wedding.
With all of these suggestions there is one pretty important key . . . you must let your husband-to-be deal with the communication and enforcement of what you both decide. If you try to play that role, you will be seen as the problem. You have to be a united front with your husband taking the role of communicator with his family.
>**OP:** Both of our parents gave us money for the wedding but not a significant amount about 90% of it is still being covered by us my parents haven’t had any issues with our choice and neither has FIL just MIL
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18hmqws/update_aita_for_fighting_with_my_mil_about_not/) - **December 13, 2023**
First I’d like to thank everyone for their advice although I would like to go back to the original idea of a destination wedding we already have a couple things that we would not be able to get a refund for or reschedule.
As far as my mil goes James and I talked about it and read a couple of comments together and realized he needed to put a stop to his mom. He called her and told her point blank “ No matter what you want we will not be having kids at the wedding”!!!!! She obviously did not take well to it but eventually calmed down and said although she’s not happy about it she’ll just deal with it (lol hurts doesn’t it) Anyway thanks again to everyone hope this is the update everyone wanted
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 2,422 | 2023-12-20T05:01:34 | AITA for fighting with my mil about not wanting kids at my wedding | CONCLUDED | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18mmh2j/aita_for_fighting_with_my_mil_about_not_wanting/ | false | false | [
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18mnkq8 | **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Throwaway18384o4](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwaway18384o4/). He posted in r/AITAH.
Please remember the no brigading rule. Also, this sub has a 7 day waiting period, meaning the latest update is 7 days old.
**Mood Spoiler:** >!things are currently ok!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17u4z3m/aitah_for_asking_my_wife_for_a_paternity_test/)**: November 13, 2023**
Me(32) and my wife(30) have been married for 8 years now.
3 years ago, she cheated with a friend of hers. And after some time. We managed to reconcile.
She found out she was pregnant a few days ago. And while my initial reaction was happiness, then the thought that it could be someone else's crawled into my mind.
The thought "she's done it before" popped into my head.
When I asked her to take a test, and explained my reasoning, we had a huge fight.
She said that I shouldn't hold that against her after all the work we've done to repair the relationship.
I still feel strongly about having a paternity test.
***There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but a majority seem to be NTA***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17y9x0j/update_aitah_for_asking_my_wife_for_a_paternity/) **1: November 18, 2023 (5 days later)**
Hello everyone, my last post got a lot of attention, so I figured I should update you all.
Some things to clear up,
After my wife cheated we have been in counseling, and it's been a hard road for both of us, but we managed to build something new, so to speak.
Also, we weren't actively trying for a baby, we didn't do things such as tracking her ovulation, but we mostly had sex regularly without protection. Its been like this for the past 6 months.
And no, we don't have any STD's
We both wanted kids, but since she cheated on me that wasn't something we thought we should do for a while, at least not before we reconciled.
Also, I tried to be as tactful when I brought up the paternity test, but I think tactfulness can only go so far when essentially accusing your wife of potentially cheating on you.
It went like this
"Honey, we need to talk about the baby"
"What's wrong?"
"Look, I need some reassurance, I love you, but I just can't shake this thought off my head"
"What thought?"
"I'm worried that it's not mine"
After that, things got louder, and we had a fight.
The Update:
After our fight, I slept in the other room, and we didn't really talk for a while. We waved goodbye when we went to work, and had small talk about our days, but didn't really address what we fought about
She eventually came to me and apologized for her reaction.
She says she understands why I asked her for a paternity test. And she got mad because she thought the whole cheating thing was "over" and we wouldn't need to ever bring it up again.
She said she was mad because this made her realize that this is something that will always be a part of our relationship' s history. And it reminded her of how much of an effect this had on me, and how much she hurt me. She told she was mad at herself.
She says she hates the fact she gave me a good reason to ask for it.
We simply hugged it out after that.
She agreed to take a paternity test, but from some research we made, it seems to be a bit early for one, but we'll schedule a doctor visit and see what we can do.
I'll be honest, I think the paternity test is just a formality now, but I still want it for my own peace of mind. I do love my wife, and want us to start building our family.
I do thank you all for your responses.
***Relevant Comment:***
*What are you going to do if it's not yours?*
"If the kid isn't mine, then I'll leave. I made my mind up on that before I even asked her for the test."
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18hswt8/update_aitah_for_asking_for_a_paternity_test/) **2: December 13, 2023 (1 month from OG post)**
Hello everyone, I posted here weeks ago, and got a lot of people commenting on both posts. So I figured I should update.
So, we waited a few weeks before the test, and the results came in, and yes, the child is in fact mine.
Besides that there's not much to tell. My wife has been very accommodating, and has not gotten angry at me over this again.
We are both very excited to be parents.
Also, to those of you who asked me to wait until the baby is born: how the fuck am I supposed to do that?
Not only you think I should lie to my wife, but also you expect my wife not to notice the birth certificate lacks my signature? | 3,589 | 2023-12-20T06:03:22 | AITAH for asking my wife for a paternity test because she cheated years back? | ONGOING | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18mnkq8/aitah_for_asking_my_wife_for_a_paternity_test/ | false | false | [
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18mnstm | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA_8395
**My (29M) girlfriend (30m) says I need to get rid of my dead wife’s stuff or she’s leaving**
**Originaly posted to** r/relationship_advice
​
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/18fnx2b/my_29m_girlfriend_30m_says_i_need_to_get_rid_of/) **- Dec 11, 2023**
I first got married at the age of 18 to my girlfriend I’d had since age 15. We enjoyed 6 years of marriage together before she died in a motorcycle accident, leaving me broken and severely depressed for years.
A bit over one year ago (4 years after my wife’s passing) I met my current girlfriend at a work event and we really hit it off. I’d decided that it was time for me to start looking for a serious partner again and that my wife would’ve wanted me to be happy. My current girlfriend and I became more serious over time and we moved in together 2 weeks ago. I’ve talked with her extensively about my deceased wife and the mental health issues it brought to me and she has been nothing but supportive and loving.
The problems began after we moved in together. I have a small chest that I used to keep under my bed that has a few things that belonged to my deceased wife along with some photos of the two of us. During the moving process my girlfriend noticed the chest and asked about it, so I explained what it was and showed her the contents. I didn’t really expect it to be a big deal, but since I showed her things have never been worse for us.
She sat me down that night and explained that because I still had the chest and wanted to keep it, it was indication to her that I hadn’t moved on from my deceased wife and that she doesn’t think she can continue the relationship unless I “get rid of it”. I was pretty shocked at this, and told her that I needed some time to think about it.
Well, it’s been two weeks now and I still don’t know what to do. My current girlfriend and I have had no major problems up until this point, and she’s asking me daily when I plan to get rid of it and says she can’t live in the same space as the chest. I really don’t want to get rid of it but I want to continue my relationship with her as well. What can I say to get her to understand? Or am I being crazy by keeping those things for years?
Edit: typo in the title, should say 30F
​
[My (29m) girlfriend (30f) says I need to get rid of my dead wife’s stuff or she’s leaving: UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/18hceo6/my_29m_girlfriend_30f_says_i_need_to_get_rid_of/) \- **Dec 13, 2023**
Wow, I did not expect that amount of feedback at all on the post. Sorry I haven’t responded to many comments it was a bit overwhelming to wake up to thousands of them. But I wanted to provide some more information and an update about how everything went down
Some people were wondering how often I look at the chest and talk about my late wife. I spend prolonged time with the chest and it’s contents usually twice a year, on our anniversary date and her death date. So I’m not constantly opening it and having it out and around and stuff. I feel as though I find the most comfort just knowing that’s its nearby, strangely enough, which is why I wanted to keep it in the house. Most of the conversations about my previous marriage have been prompted by my girlfriend, not me. I can talk about it pretty openly when asked about my late wife but I seldom bring her up on my own in conversation, she used to be all I ever talked about and it was annoying and uncomfortable to people in my life. Looking back on a lot of our conversations, my girlfriend would frequently ask questions trying to gauge if I was still mourning or if I was happy again; now with the chest incident, that makes sense to me that it has been an unvoiced insecurity for a while. At the time I suppose I just thought she was asking if I was depressed still, but I see now she was trying to ask if I was “over” my late wife.
When my girlfriend asked me to get rid of the chest, she did in fact mean dispose of it. I didn’t go into great detail about the conversation we had when she sat me down, but I proposed keeping it more tucked away (not in our bedroom) or at another persons home, and she continued to say I was still hanging on and not ready for a relationship in her eyes, and keeping it somewhere else didn’t change that. I am definitely not getting rid of the chest (and by that I mean disposing of it) and it’s been locked in my car the past couple days while I’ve been dealing with this.
I got some really good advice from you guys and tried to have an open honest conversation with her today, asking her why the chest was so significant as to give me an ultimatum, and why she felt like I had to get rid of it to continue growing our relationship. She said the entire relationship we’ve had, she’s always felt like she had to match up to the standards of my late wife, or be even better so that I would stay with her, and that me still having the chest was the confirmation that she will always be lesser than. If I got rid of the chest, it would be confirmation that I was ready to give my whole heart to her. This broke my heart honestly, and I couldn’t believe she never told me she was feeling this way and that I didn’t see it. It also made me feel confused because I’ve been trying to show her the best I can that I can give her my heart in other ways, why do I need to dump these precious memories to do that?
I told her that the relationship with my late wife and my relationship with her are entirely independent of one another, and that I was focused on building trust and love with her, not trying to replace my late wife or compare her by any means. I told her that I couldn’t dispose of the chest because it meant a lot to me sentimentally, but that I wasn’t keeping it to hang on or cling to my late wife, I just felt as though it was an important part of my history and I wanted to honor her memory. Some of the trinkets in the chest were from when we were 16 years old, going to high school dances and learning how to drive together. I couldn’t simply trash those.
I reassured her that I loved her for exactly who she was, not the position she held in my life or how similar she was to my late wife. I told her that I could see us building a life together and that I was focused on our future, not my past. I told her that there is absolutely no competition and that while I was hurt by the ultimatum I was ready to move past this and move the chest to storage somewhere else.
It wasn’t enough for her. I don’t know what else I needed to say or do to communicate my love and dedication, but she was dead set on me getting rid of the chest or her leaving! I told her a final time that there was not an ounce of a chance I was getting rid of it. Radio silence, then she gets a bag of her stuff, hops in her car and drives off, ignoring me when I asked what was going on.
After calling her multiple times for a few hours I learned she’s staying with a friend (who she called in the car I guess, so she originally just drove off not knowing where she was going) and making arrangements to move out next week. I’m still in shock, but I mostly feel confused and hollow. Maybe I truly wasn’t ready for a relationship. Maybe she is just crazy. Maybe a bit of both.
TL:DR- girlfriend made good on her ultimatum and did in fact leave after I didn’t get rid of my dead wife’s stuff.
That’s the full update. Sort of went how a lot of the comments predicted, but I feel like absolute shit. Going to order takeout and play video games all weekend to try and reset. Cheers to being alone I guess.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 3,426 | 2023-12-20T06:16:29 | My (29M) girlfriend (30m) says I need to get rid of my dead wife’s stuff or she’s leaving | CONCLUDED | FlagpoleSitta87 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18mnstm/my_29m_girlfriend_30m_says_i_need_to_get_rid_of/ | false | false | [
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18moe5n | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Plane_Zebra_4553 in /r/AmItheAsshole **
trigger warnings: >!Panic attacks, assault allegations!<
---
[**AITA for calling my girlfriend a bitch for lying about an emergency to test my commitment?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a2f23/aita_for_calling_my_girlfriend_a_bitch_for_lying/) - December 3rd, 2023
My girlfriend (29 F) Andrea and I (29 M) have been together for a few months now. Everything had gone smoothly until yesterday, when she pulled off a ridiculous stunt.
She called me late at night to say that she's seriously injured/having panic attacks and that no one else is with her as her parents are out (which was true, they were out). She said that she's also got some chest pain and she thinks that she's dying, and that she's in a really bad state and can hardly breath (she was heaving while she spoke). She begged me to help her (said that she's already called 911 but that she also wanted to let me know), and I was shocked.
I took my car to rush towards her house, and it was only after reaching that I found out that she was joking about it. She met me joyfully and said that she only wanted to see how "committed" I am during an emergency as that's an essential part of a relationship or something.
I lost my temper and asked her what the fuck her problem was. She said that she was just 'testing' me and I got pissed off. I called her a "fucking bitch" and told her that I did not deserve to be treated like trash and made use of like that. She was crying by saying that she only wanted to check whether I am a good fit and that I overreacted. I left the house immediately and haven't talked to her since. She's been texting me, but I just ignored her.
AITA?
[**AITA for calling my girlfriend a bitch for lying about an emergency to test my commitment?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a2f23/aita_for_calling_my_girlfriend_a_bitch_for_lying/) - December 4th, 2023
UPDATE: After talking to her about it, I have decided to give her a second chance. She's apologized a lot and promised to never do that again. I'd be more careful, of course, and I won't be trusting her blindly. But I have thought that I'd give her one chance, especially since she's shown herself to be regretful.
[**Please help me urgently: my girlfriend (29 F) is falsely accusing me (29 M) of assault.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/18g1ivf/please_help_me_urgently_my_girlfriend_29_f_is/) - December 11th, 2023
I should've listened to the signs as I made a previous post about it somewhere else & everyone was asking me to break up. But, I thought she was genuinely regretful about it at the time as she'd apologized. I am in huge trouble right now, though. I really don't know what to do, so please help me.
She reached out to me two days ago to say that she doesn't like me talking to a specific girl at work, and I laughed it off by saying that she's a friend. She asked me whether I am sure, and I said yes. She did get into an argument in the beginning, but in the end she said she understands.
But today she apparently told her parents that I'd assaulted her yesterday because I hadn't listened when she said that she doesn't want to have sex or something, and called her names. She also informed her friends about it. The gist is that everyone's mad at me, I am a pariah now. Her friends have turned against me, and her parents are threatening to sue me (she said that she's going to sue, and she comes from a rich family). I am basically black-listed from everywhere now and am a pariah.
All of this has happened in a few days time' since the first incident which was her attempting to test my relationship or something, which has me shocked.
Anyway... she's going to sue me, can afford the best lawyers, and I am expecting to receive a letter from her attorney anytime now or something. What should I do? Should I just look for another lawyer?
I really don't know what to do. Please help me.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 2,927 | 2023-12-20T06:53:21 | AITA for calling my girlfriend a bitch for lying about an emergency to test my commitment? | ONGOING | preezy36 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18moe5n/aita_for_calling_my_girlfriend_a_bitch_for_lying/ | false | false | [
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18mwei6 | Not the OOP, OOP is u/ThrowAwayNovie23
Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole
Spoiler: >!Blended family tension, wholesome communication wins!<
​
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/182kvep/aita_for_referring_to_my_cousins_as_my_brothers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Posted 11/24/2023
​
I (18M) have three stepbrothers through my dad, Blake (20M), Chris (17M) and Dave (13M). we are not close at all, Blake, Chris and I aren't close because of a sort of mutual agreement I guess, and I'm not that close with Dave because he was always following his brothers everywhere (as is to be expected!). My stepbrothers lived primarily with their dad and his wife, and spent every other weekend here at their mom's/my stepdad's, before Blake and Chris went out of state to uni. Now during Dave's every other weekend visits it's just him and I.
I used to want to be brotherly with my stepbrothers. I actually remember the moment it changed. I was 12, and their dad was taking them all to Florida on vacation and I said something to Blake and Chris about wanting to go, and Chris responded that it was a brother's trip, only for brothers, so I can't go and Blake laughed. that hurt but something switched at that moment, I stopped caring. since that day, when they are here I co-exist, and generally try to make plans with my friends to stay away from home. if it wasn't a forced family thing by my dad/stepmom, I didn't hang out with my stepbrothers.
cut to the present day, we just aren't close. they came over for thanksgiving to see their mom, I said hey and went to my room. Chris came in to talk to me to say that Dave was upset about my instagram post. it was a picture of me and my cousins from last night, and a caption about them being the best brothers. truly I didn't even know Dave had me on instagram, I dont think the other two do but idk.
it was not a slight at my stepbrothers, I honestly wasn't thinking about them at all, and told Chris that. Chris started talking about how the four of us are brothers, and I said we weren't. he said of course we are, and I was like no we aren't and I reminded him of how they excluded me growing up, his brothers trip comment, and us not being friends. he called me petty for holding on to old grudges. he wanted me to apologise to Dave and I told him I wouldn't.
we got into an argument, with him insisting I apologise and move on. it ended with Chris leaving my room saying this is why they never liked me, and I shouted back at him 'my cousins like me so I have all the brothers I need', which Dave heard. my stepbrothers left soon after, and then Blake texted me to ask ti talk tomorrow, and said Dave is really upset.
AITA for calling my cousins my brothers in a public post that my stepbrothers could see. should I have apologised and talked to Dave?
**Verdict: Not the Asshole**
​
**Relevant Comments**
​
[*Feisty-Tax-1094*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/182kvep/comment/kaj9zea/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)*: NTA. They asked, you gave them an explanation (which to be honest is really reasonable in my opinion), and they brushed off your feelings. They said, “this is why we never liked you?” There is probably some truth to that and although your stepbrother is hurt I would tell him, “wow! Imagined how I felt back then.” It changed the dynamic of our relationship and all of you saw it but didn’t seem to care then but now you do? No, you care because my comment hurt “your brother’s feelings.” Yet, if I was your brother you would care about how you hurt me. This is just another example of how you don’t see me as an actual brother.”*
​
[DahDebil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/182kvep/comment/kajd0vm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)*: NTAFamily is who you say it is. I had a friend who saved me from loneliness and suicidal thoughts. Did not have a friend in the world, and he gave a damn. I called him my brother and so did he. Decades later I do not speak to him at all. (Quick side note: Do not EVER go into business with friends.)*
>**OP:** sorry to hear about you and your friend.my cousins have always treated me like a brother, im even in their brother group chat. the caption really was just about how much I appreciate them. I had a bad day yesterday (unrelated to anything in this post, except maybe me being in a bad mood today) but one of them drove 40mins to pick me up and take me to dinner to cheer me up.
​
[OKSeat4312](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/182kvep/comment/kajde2g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)*: YTA-Dave wasn’t involved in why you feel the way you do. What you did is the same thing the two older step-brothers did to you. Dave is 13 and it sounds like he was approx. 7 when the older ones treated you badly. Most definitely, YTA. When someone slaps you, that doesn’t give you the permission to slap someone else. It might explain a reaction to the person who slapped you, but that’s it. The Circle of Scream is a terrible thing.EDIT: Let me be clear. Your post itself isn’t at all the problem. That was harmless. Your lack of desire to console your much younger step-brother is what bothers me. Step up and be a role model.*
>**OP**: do you mean by shouting I have all the brothers I need, or did I do something wrong with my instagram caption as well? (or maybe something else?)
*Shoddy-Commission-12: Dave is clearly experiencing exactly what you experienced when his older brothers said that mean stuff to you about the Florida trip*
*Except it looks like he does care if you think of him as a brother*
*Up to you to decide what you wanna do with that but it does sound a little uncaring to just dismiss his feelings*
*You didn't like it when yours were did you?*
>**OP**:I appreciate the reminder that I ended up treating Dave how Blake and Chris treated me, and the reminder to consider how that Ade me feel. I am also older than Blake and Chris were when we had an our fight, and so I think maybe even more responsible. I apologised to Dave
​
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/182kvep/comment/kan9i3f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in comments 9 hours later:
so I talked to Chris today, which was surprising because I didn't think we would talk about what happened - just sort of move on like we usually do and not acknowledge it. but he Chris apologised, and we talked, and specifically about Dave and you're right. I will talk with Dave, I feel bad or upsetting him.I didn't think Dave and I were that close, but Chris informed me that Dave considers us close. he tells them about the stuff that we do together, which is not a lot because I didn't think he cared to hang out with me, but apparently means everything to him. every time I've taken him somewhere, or got him food, or watched a movie this term he's told them. I think a large part is obviously Chris and Blake being away in university now while I live at home and attend uni, so there's space for us to bond (because honestly before they left Dave was always stuck under them, which I get those are his brothers he lives with full time), but he really cares for me. I feel terribly about making him feel rejected, and so I will speak to him. I seriously was not trying to hurt any of them with the post, especially not Dave
​
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/182kvep/comment/kcef6v5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (also in comments) 12/7/2023 (13 days later):
​
I spoke with Chris first the next day, he called me. it was a surprise, because I figured we would just move on and not talk about the fight like we usually do. but in talking with Chris I did learn that Dave that Dave really cares for me, which is something I didn't appreciate before. Chris told me about how Dave tells them about everything we do together and how much he values our time together. with Chris and Blake out of state, im the older brother Dave still has here, and I didn't realise how important I was to Dave.I did apologise to Dave, and told him that I would like to do more stuff with him and hang out more, if he's open to it. he said he was. during his weekends here I am going to make sure we do at least one thing just him and i each time, because its what he asked for.
​
​
**This is a Repost Sub -- I am not the OOP** | 2,615 | 2023-12-20T14:53:18 | AITA for referring to my cousins as "my brothers" in a post, when I (18m) never refer to my stepbrothers (20m, 17m, and 13m) that way | CONCLUDED | Kheldarson | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18mwei6/aita_for_referring_to_my_cousins_as_my_brothers/ | false | false | [
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18mz5ns | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/weebalo in r/weeabootales**
trigger warnings: >!bullying, ableism!<
---
[**Weeaboo - Featuring my brother**](https://www.reddit.com/r/weeabootales/comments/6worp8/weeaboo_featuring_my_brother/) - August 29, 2017
I've read many weeaboo tales on this reddit page so I thought I'd share mine. I have a little brother, and he is 2 years younger then me. He's immature and thinks he's special, better then anyone else. Part of the reason of this is anime, like AOT, He has rewatched the entire series like 4 times, and then cosplay's as Levi and Eren in halloween, then the worst part is that he wears AOT shirts and public and this scouting regiment cape, and does the naruto run everywhere he goes then tries to slash the air with his "Blades" He then buys nendroids on aliexpress and ebay for like $20 - $60
but so far, the worst, worst part is his expression to try to speak Japanese. Konichiwa - Hello Konbawa - (not sure) good evening Baka - idiot Senpai - You already know Arigato - thank you
(hundreds of words)
but he doesn't say it to just me, no no no. He says it to my parents, his friends, everyone he knows basically. The horrid thing is that they all come to ask me what he means, then I have to explain. There are some words that I don't even know the meaning of. Obsessed with Japanese words is one thing, but being obsessed with Japanese food is another. He buys sushi every time we go to the store, but worst of all he buys like 5 - 8 packs of instant ramen. He tells our parents that its a nice snack and he likes it. So they just end up buying it for him. please help me :( everyday i must suffer pain
(forgot to mention but he tries to imitate anime girl voices) Ehm...
Nico nico nee
kill me please
[**Update on my Weeaboo Brother - 6 Years Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/weeabootales/comments/18fzm0d/update_on_my_weeaboo_brother_6_years_later/) - December 11, 2023
Hello r/weeabootales. It's been 6 years since I've last posted here. Since then so many things have changed, including my brother. I was reading through my post history and remember I wrote something about him and it kind of blew up.
I wanted to provide an update. 6 years ago we were both kids. But in hindsight, I can see that this weeaboo phase was the key that unlocked him as a person. I want you guys to see this post as an upside to weeaboos and why they might act this way.
I'll provide a short recap of the post 6 years ago.
My younger brother who was 12 at the time went through this huge weeaboo phase. He'd cosplay in public speak a mix of English and Japanese, and just embarrass me indirectly. That's how I felt. So I made a post here, took your advice, and tried to bring him up. I remember someone told me I was complaining, and I was. It was my **responsibility to help him as his older brother**.
He's now a very successful person in my eyes and has completely changed his life around. Around 14-15 when high school started, he began to get bullied. Of course, by then I was finishing up high school, but I still made sure that he could learn to adapt before leaving. He got depressed because he couldn't make friends, and felt so incredibly socially isolated. Back then anime wasn't as popular as it is now. He became spiteful towards other people and would not let go of his identity. Of course, he began to understand why people were against him after so much harassment and cyberbullying. After December of his 9th-grade year, he stopped going completely and was so depressed. I couldn't help him much other than telling him that is how society is and that he'll need to adapt. Of course, I spent quality time with him, but I got him into reading self-improvement books.
After that, the rest is history. He would read incredibly fast (it was fucking crazy. He'd read 150 pages of a book in a day **and** take notes.) He began working out and started to watch self-improvement videos online. Of course, he would still do the homework from school so he wasn't failing, but he wasn't going.
He would have still had a tough 4 years if Covid didn't hit. But that was the best thing that happened to him and by extension me.
In Canada, when Covid hit, everything ground to a stop. Money wasn't an issue because of the government handouts, and school was paused for practically a year and a half. During that time, all I remember he was doing was reading. Every week he would pick up a new book in the self-improvement/philosophy/psychology/business category and go at it while taking notes.
We'd still watch Anime but he began to grow out of it and resent it because it made him weak he thought. I wasn't much of an anime watcher but I'd watch with him when I had the free time.
He then got the idea of doing an exchange year. Of course he wanted to go to Japan, but by the end of Covid, he'd been taking Japanese classes for a year and a half and was B1 Conversational. Other than reading, he'd just be remembering Kanji for hours every day. I think he got to almost 2000, which is B2. He could watch anime without subtitles and was so dedicated.
However, things didn't turn out in the way he wanted. While COVID was a blessing, he couldn't get a visa to go for his exchange year. They were still banning foreigners, so he had to change his destination last minute and had to choose between Belgium and Austria. He chose Austria through a coin flip and ended up there. That was when he disappeared for 6 months.
Typically, when you go on exchange, you're not supposed to be in contact with family back home because of homesickness. So when he got there, we called one last time and then he went completely radio silent. We didn't hear from him in 6 months, and we thought that it was a safe country so nothing bad could happen.
Around March of this year, he called us out of the blue, and he was a completely different person. He changed the way he spoke, the way he dressed, and the way he acted in public. It made me so proud. Of course though, when we were in private, his weeabooness would still come out. But this made me appreciate him. The amount of character he built in the last few years is outstanding. He traveled, made new friends from around the world, had so many new experiences, and got a girlfriend. It was awesome. He also spoke good German too. I was so proud of him.
He came back this year in July and said that the experience completely changed him. He's a completely different person. But if you get to know him, his mushy side does come out. It's not like he is repressing himself either, I think he has come to peace with the person who he is and how he ought to act in society. He has so much wisdom and it's crazy to me.
He's been getting into e-commerce and finance recently and is on a gap year finishing up a few courses so that he can get into university. I feel more inspired by him. Of course, I did advise him a lot through it too. I also did have a short weeaboo phase, but I grew out of it myself before grade 7. For him, it just kept on going. But he did the work himself and has made himself very respectable. He did it himself.
TLDR; Weeaboos possess this ability where they can push through anything to get what they want. It's kind of crazy. And because they don't care about societal rules, they can just move faster than anyone. Extremely low lows and extremely high highs.
Inspire the weeaboos around you to integrate. Don't bully them, but be good friends with them. There's probably some genetic reason why they get so hyper fixated on things. Just make them hyperfixate on the right thing and they will eventually see the truth and do incredible things in short amounts of time.
Love the weeaboos in your life. They're incredible people. They're all moral people too from what I see. They just want to help people. And they're not retarded, just misguided. My brother is smarter than me in every way except rationale. It's a good thing, we all have our strengths.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 1,296 | 2023-12-20T16:52:04 | Weeaboo - Featuring my brother | CONCLUDED | Laser_defenestrator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18mz5ns/weeaboo_featuring_my_brother/ | false | false | [
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18n4ugg | **I AM NOT THE OP.** The OP is u/Bockbockbtch and the posts were taken from r/AITAH.
TRIGGER WARNING: >!racism, forced miscarriage, gaslighting, poisoning via drugs!<
MOOD SPOILER: >!tragic, but justice is served!<
**Post 1:** [AITA for pressing charges against racist MIL and leaving hubs for siding with her?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16rzv5f/aita_for_pressing_charges_against_racist_mil_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (Posted September 25th, 2023)
I'm Filipino and my husband is Chinese. His mom doesn't approve of me from the beginning and even told him that Filipinos are maids only. At the beginning my husband defended me. He even threatened to cut ties with her if she tries anything. So she backed off.
He proposed and that's where trouble slowly started again..She was not happy. My SIL told me that my MIL didn't expect us "to last too long" cause she expected my husband to come to his senses. She tried to jeopardise our wedding, threatened not to come, even told our guests that there was a typo in our invitation card and gave them the wrong date. Luckily they reconfirmed it with us. My husband actually waved it off and said that his mom is just scared for him and that I should understand because she grew up in a very traditional home.
That should have been my first red flag. But I was too in love with him that I ignored it.
I was 8 months pregnant a month ago. My husband insisted on going to MIL house for a family reunion. I didn't want to cause of the human growing in me and too tired cause I was Still working. He insisted cause his mom will not take no for an answer. So we went. Biggest regret.
At the dinner, I started feeling weird and lightheaded. I told my husband about it but he waved me off, told me to go up to his old room and lay down. I said this was different, and we should go to the hospital just in case. His mom butted in and told me not to ruin their dinner, just shut up and go upstairs. I gave husband a look and said 'you really gonna let her talk to me like that?'. That dickhead just shrugged and told me to calm down.
I did not go up. I knew something was wrong. I called my dad to get him to bring me to the hospital. I felt like I was floating, body felt numb and I wanted to puke. I felt like fainting.
Dad arrived and I left without letting them know. They didn't care so why should I?
I don't know how else to say this, my baby's heartbeat stopped. I was told the chances at this point of pregnancy was low. But it happened. I was drugged and also had alcohol in my system. But I didn't drink any since I was pregnant and I don't do drugs.
SIL admitted she saw MIL added stuff into my drinks and food later on. My husband refuse to believe that and sided with MIL, saying I must have taken something accidentally. SIL told him what MIL did but he still don't believe it. (SIL always hated MIL, hubs was the fav child)
I reported it to the police, SIL as my witness. I pressed charges, I Will not stop till she's behind bars.
I told some of my closest friends about it, they said I'm an ah for divorcing him. But how can I be with someone who doesn't side with me on this? Who refuse to believe his mom is the reason our baby is gone forever?? He hasn't even acknowledged that she's gone. All he cares about is clearing his mom's name.
I'm devastated. Aita? Why does some say I am?
**OP has also provided 2 small comments in her post. The first comment adds some more context:**
Update: I'm sorry I can't reply all so I'll answer a few questions here.
some has asked why SIL didn't tell me that MIL added something to my food and drinks. She came to me after, she was crying saying she didn't realise at the time and only connect the dots after she found out what happened. She's only 17. And I believe she was really scared going against her mom.
As for the Toxicology report, there was high levels of fentanyl, opioids and alcohol.
As for my friend's who called me an ah, they are also close to my husband. And they said it was unfair because he also lost a child. I told them he didn't seem to care, they called me an ah.
**The second comment is a response to people questioning the specific details of the whole deal:**
I know I don't have to explain myself to you, but I want to. I won't explain more on the medical concerns because frankly I do not know anything about it. All I know is what happened to me. Whether you believe it or not Is entirely up to you.
As for my title, my post was banned due to violence on AmIAnAsshole so I wrote it like this instead. I hope you understand that this is a very sensitive subject. And I did come here in search for some support and make myself feel better. Its a human feeling and I'm sorry if that made you think this is fake.
Lastly, I may be a filipina and he is a Chinese. But that doesn't automatically means we're living in the Philippines or China. I purposely did not disclose my country for privacy reasons. Because if I do, people like you will hunt the article down, which includes my identity along with my family's. I know I'm posting here for all to read,but what makes me feel safe is the animosity of it all. I feel safe cause people like you can't find out who I am, which is not Any different from majority of people on this app.
Again, I know I don't owe you an explanation, but my life has been a living hell and I have no control with anything now. So being able to defend myself like this, helps.
I have nothing else to say. Have a nice day.
**Post 2:** [Update: AITA for pressing charges against racist MIL and leaving hubs for siding with her?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16sge88/update_aita_for_pressing_charges_against_racist/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (Posted September 26th, 2023)
This is not an update.
I'm overwhelmed by all the support I've been getting. Thank you all. I won't lie, but the real reason I decided to post my story was because I did need validation, I wanted to be heard. And I wanted to be in control of something at least... But I did not decided to do this lightly. What happened to me was horrifying and I still can't believe it.
Some people are saying I'm not showing enough emotions for this to be real, and that the title I wrote makes them think this is fake, that I should have said my MIL is a baby killer and my husband was an accomplice so I'm leaving him..... I don't understand why I should wrote that for it to be believable. Also, when I previously wrote something similar to that title on another group, my post was banned and deleted for violence. Which I'm not surprised because what happened to me was violence in one of its cruellest forms.
How am I suppose to sound?
Some people can't understand that some emotions are too strong and too deep, and cannot cannot CANNOT be translated into words alone. I may not be kicking and screaming in my post. But I have been kicking and screaming since that night.
I lost a child. How can someone make that up? Are people just so far up their own asses that they can't comprehend that bad stuff happens to people?
And for those who says those stuff would have killed me, I should not even be alive.... I did almost die. I am not gonna write out a detailed account of that what happened that night just to appease you...... its not bad enough that my child died? I should have died too then it would be believable? And you call me the sick f\*ck??
And for all who is saying that my husband is part of it. I cannot comment on this. Frankly, I do not know yet at this point. I don't want to speculate that he is because that only makes it hurt more. I loved him, and thinking that he'd be capable to do this....
Some ask why I didn't taste the alcohol. I didn't. If I knew, I would have stopped drinking. But the moment I felt off, I voiced it out. I was pregnant, some food to me tasted different. I didn't think much of it at that point. I didn't think that my life would ever be in danger.. I knew MIL hated me but I did not know she would ever try something like this.
And as for my friends who called me AH, they are also close to my husband. And till today, the both of them do not believe that my husband did anything wrong and that he is innocent and just caught in his mother's lies and that he lost a child too but is in denial. I don't know how to go about this so I've decided to cut ties with them. But I do have other amazing friends who has been completely supportive and helping me throughout this.
I will not touch anymore on SIL as she is a minor. FIL is not in the picture.
I will try my best to update you all once this is all over. I'm sorry if my post offended anyone.
**Final Post:** [Final update: AITA for pressing charges against racist MIL and leaving hubs for siding with her?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16tfqgl/final_update_aita_for_pressing_charges_against/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (Posted September 27th, 2023)
This will be my final post. Thank you all for your support. It truly means the world to me. I finally have some time to myself and thought I should give you this final update.
It's been the most horrible and excruciating few weeks of my life and its finally almost over.
Ex MIL couldn't get away thanks to my SIL and the evidence was also found in her house. She finally confessed after a month. She has received the death sentence this morning because what she did is not taken lightly in our country.
Her son is claiming he has nothing to do with it and will receive no punishment since there is no proof. I truly don't know if he was involved or not but I cannot be around him ever again. I have not spoken privately with him since that night, and now I only communicate with him through lawyers.
SIL is currently living with a close relative. She is safe, I know some of you are concern for her wellbeing.
I am living with my parents again. I honestly couldn't have gotten through this without them... they are truly my rock.
We're finalising our divorce by this week. My family has adviced me sue him for everything he and his family has put me through.
This was a hate crime. I don't understand how can a grandmother do this just because my baby was a girl and not pure Chinese. I've heard stuff like this happens in China, but we're not living there! Why bring your close minded ideologies and traditions here??! Why did my baby had to pay the price for this??
I don't know how people continue life after a lost of a child. Her funeral is next week. I named her Marie Elizabeth. RIP my love. Mama loves you and will see you soon.
*As the XMIL was sentenced to death, the SIL is safe, and the divorce begun processing, this story is flaired as concluded. I feel really sorry for the OP in this situation, and I really hope that she will get the opportunity to be a mother again. I've got some more MIL stories to share with you so buckle up.*
**REMINDER: I am not the OP.** | 4,324 | 2023-12-20T20:49:57 | OP wonders if she's the AH for pressing charges against her MIL. | CONCLUDED | TheseNuts10105 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18n4ugg/op_wonders_if_shes_the_ah_for_pressing_charges/ | false | false | [
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18nevtz | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Imaginary_Frog_
**TIFU by sending a handmade gift to a person that does the same craft as me but 100 times better.**
**Originally posted to** r/tifu
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/UeKFplQuSB) **Dec 13, 2023**
Long story short - I took part in a Secret Santa event created by a fansite I follow. (Basically online strangers who like the same artist exchange Christmas card and/or small gifts). So my first response was to include a copule of accessories and jewellery I made myself that were inspired by the artist we both like, as well as some sweets, scented candles and beauty products. Now here's the thing.
Yesterday they got the package, found me online and I saw they also make jewelry and I was like "aw, that's awesome" but then I started scrolling through their profile. Turns out they make one of the most elegant, classy, gorgeous pieces I've seen so far and my work... well it doesn't look like trash straight out of a garbage can but it's definitely much more colorful, casual and well... in comparison it looks like a rainbow fart made by a 10 year old kid. I'm so ashamed I'm thinking about deleting the profiles where I post my work. There's no way in hell they'll ever do anything with the stuff I sent other than throwing it in the drawer or give it away to some kid in the family. I feel really stupid for not buying something *actually nice* because what on earth was I thinking? That someone will go "wow that's cute!"? I was very full of myself and too confident in my skills and I learned my lesson the hard way.
TL;DR - I sent very colorful, sparkly jewellery to a person who turned out to make this beautiful, classy jewellery pieces themselves and made myself look like a fool who's mentally 5 years old.
**TOP COMMENTS**
**Emmyisme**
>I have a friend that makes HELLA AMAZING cross stitch pieces. I...can make cross stitch pieces, but they are utterly boring compared to how clean she can do them, and how interesting she can make them with or without a pattern.
>She still hung up the first one I ever gave her prominently in her home, because even though she could have made one 10x better - \*she didn't make this one, and that's why she appreciates it\*
>Just because she could have done it better, doesn't mean she thinks it's worthless or less important to her.
*
**EntirelyOutOfOptions**
>Every real artist I know is just happy to find people who share their passion. They will appreciate your gift in a way others can’t, because they know what it takes to hone your craft.
**~OOP UPDATES IN THE COMMENTS~**
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/IQIHturJcY) **Dec 14, 2023**
First of thank y'all for your replies.
Second of all holy cow this thing blew up 😂
I just wanted to add some more info and what my thoughts are after cooling down and reading some of your comments.
Some people were saying they must've loved the gift because they went out of their to find me. I forgot to add this info but it's kind of "a thing" for this particular event that you should guess who your secret Santa is and contact them after receiving your package (I know it doesn't make much sense but it was put in place to make the event more integrating instead of just gift swapping)
There was also a lot of people suggesting I should ask for pointers and advice and it make me realise some things. I started to wonder what I could ask them to help me with and realised that there isn't that much. And it's mostly because while at the end of the process we both end up making jewelry we use very different mediums to achieve do it so I kind of went comparing apples to oranges. They use a lot of more and less intricate wire wrapping and real minerals and my work is more of a mix and match of different mediums like flowers, resin, glass beads, polymer clay, shrinking plastic sometimes even embroidery. It's like throwing a stick of dynamite into arts and crafts aisle and hope for the best 😅 Could I learn wire wrapping from them? Absolutely, but I don't think it would really fit into my "aesthetic" at the moment. (Plus I realised I'm low-key learning 423 skills simultaneously while working full time job and that's why I feel like my progress is so ridiculously slow)
The reason why I reacted so strongly to their work is probably the fact I have a lot of people around who like my hobby only as a concept and I often hear comments like "you'd be so great at it if you would only make more mature/elegant pieces" or "you could make good money out of it if it wouldn't look so childish ." My immediate family and friends are obviously very supportive (especially my sister but that's because for her it means lifetime supply of free dnd dices 😂) but every other person I know seems to brush off my work because it doesn't match their vision of what jewellery making *should* look like and quite frankly what I saw on that page was fitting it perfectly. I think this whole issue is just their negativity slowly getting to me (even tho I really try to ignore comments like this).
Once again thank y'all for your support I'll try to reply to as many comments as I can 🩷
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 2,507 | 2023-12-21T05:00:20 | TIFU by sending a handmade gift to a person that does the same craft as me but 100 times better. | CONCLUDED | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18nevtz/tifu_by_sending_a_handmade_gift_to_a_person_that/ | false | false | [
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18newh3 | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Fearless_Neat_6654
**AITA for refusing to be my friend’s alibi so he can cheat on his GF? NEW UPDATE**
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
**Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU**
[Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/1NFh9qTvHe)
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!infidelity, verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, bullying, mention of depression!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/LO1y4Aa62F) **Nov 28, 2023**
**Throwaway**
I (M21) have known my friend Matt (M21) since we started college. We're in the same program and have been roommates since day 1. Overall, I'd say Matt is a great guy; however, he has a terrible tendency to cheat.
Throughout college, I think Matt had 5-7 different girlfriends, and each of those relationships ended because he would cheat. Back in January, he started dating his current girlfriend (Jen F21) and has been with her far longer than any of the previous relationships. From my interactions with Jen, I know she's a wonderful person. She's very polite, beautiful, and clearly devoted to Matt.
For the past few weeks, Matt has also developed a close relationship with his anatomy lab partner (Cindy F21). It's become pretty clear to me and my other housemates (Kyle M21, Robert M22, Omar M20) that there is some romantic relationship between them. We’ve even all met Cindy as she came by our house a few times.
Long story short, Matt has told me and the other guys that things between him and Cindy are moving fairly quickly and that Jen is completely in the dark about this. He told us that, for the foreseeable future, he'll be spending a few nights hanging out at Cindy's place.
Here's the issue: Jen and her roommates don't live that far from us (about a 7-minute walk). So there's a good chance she'll come by looking for him, according to Matt. Therefore, he wants us all to make excuses for his absences and potentially reassure Jen that he isn't up to anything bad.
Kyle and Robert are fully on board with this, as they consider it the "bro code." Omar is fully against this, and while he has not said he'd tell Jen, he has refused to lie for Matt and has been urging him to end things with Cindy.
I would say I'm more neutral. I don't think what Matt's doing is appropriate, but I don't think it's my place to tell Matt how to manage his relationships. I told him that while I wouldn't seek Jen out and tell her what's going on, I wouldn't lie to her either about where he is and instead say “I don't know”.
We all argued about this for a while, and the general gist of things is that Kyle, Robert, and Matt all think I'm being a bit of an ass for not being more cooperative.
Aside from this, I don't think there is really much I can do. Moving to somewhere else is both economically and logistically unfeasible so I think trying to avoid stirring the pot is my best bet
AITA?
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ALKMMN2c00) **Nov 30, 2023**
I’ll start this update by saying Jen found out last night.
Like Matt predicted, she came over to our house Tuesday evening. I saw her pretty quickly since I was also coming back from buying some food. She asked me if I knew where Matt was, and I said I didn’t know (because I genuinely didn’t know at the time). She mentioned how he wasn’t responding to her texts and that she was worried about him, and I felt pretty bad hearing that.
Kyle who were inside, came out at this point and said that Matt was in his anatomy lab and then reassured her that he’d contact her once he was finished. She didn’t seem entirely satisfied with that answer but thanked us anyway and left. Once she was gone, Kyle told me that Matt was actually on a date with Cindy.
Since Matt sometimes brings Cindy over, he’ll text the house group chat before they come over to ensure that Jen isn’t around. He did this on Tuesday night, and Kyle did alert him that Jen had stopped by looking for him, so he stayed over with Cindy on Tuesday night.
Wednesday evening, only Omar and I are home. Kyle was with his own GF, and Robert had an exam. Around 7 pm, we got a text on the group chat from Matt saying he plans on bringing Cindy over around 8:30, and he asked if Jen came by.
I told him that I hadn’t seen her, and things went on as usual. I’ll add that Omar has refused to respond to these specific text messages from Matt, so there was an expectation on me to clarify if Jen was here or not.
A little after 8 pm, Jen comes by with one of her friends (Carlie F21). They asked us where Matt was since Jen hadn’t been seeing him a lot lately. Before I could even say anything, Omar told them to come back after 8:30, and Matt should be home. They left, and I did argue with Omar about his decision to tell them to come back since it was inevitably going to cause drama, but he didn’t care.
I did text Matt and told him about Jen potentially returning, but since he was driving, he didn’t read the message. At this stage, I gave up trying to contact Matt and went up to my room.
A little after 8:30, Matt walked in with Cindy, and not that long afterward, Jen and Carlie returned (Omar let them in). Long story short, there was a lot of Jen yelling and Matt lying and apologizing. I didn’t bother coming down since I could hear it all from my room. After about 10 min of this, Jen and Carlie left.
Matt sent Cindy home after this and was pretty pissed at what happened. I reminded him that I sent text messages (which he now saw), and Omar played dumb, acting like he didn’t see Matt’s message about him asking if Jen was home but confirmed to him that he told Jen to come back after the first time she came because “He didn’t think Matt was dumb enough to go out with Cindy two nights back to back.” Robert and Kyle came home after this point and I filled them in with what happened.
There was definitely some tension in the house this morning as Matt thinks this all could have been avoided had Omar been more helpful. He also partially blames Cindy for wanting to come over so often. Overall, Matt doesn’t really seem to care that Jen found out and broke things off with him. He said that he’ll try apologizing one more time (as he does prefer Jen to Cindy) and if she doesn’t accept, he’ll leave things as they are.
As for Cindy, Matt has already told Kyle, Robert, and me this morning that he plans on ending things with her after the December exam season. He says that he wants to be single again by New Year’s so he can have a fresh start. Kyle and Robert think this is pretty hilarious considering how much trouble he got into to be with her.
Things have ended more smoothly then I thought and I have made it abundantly to Matt to keep me out of his relationship woes.
I have also asked Carlie how Jen was holding up this morning as we share a class together. As expected Jen was very upset about the entire ordeal and she and her friends consider everyone at our house aside from Omar to be complicit and awful.
**Quick Update** \- Kyle texted the group chat, his GF knows and she isn't happy.
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/brQh3E68BJ) **Dec 1, 2023**
2nd UPDATE - AITA for refusing to be my friend's alibi so he can cheat on his GF?
I've been receiving a lot of DMs from people wondering how things turned out after the big reveal, so here's a quick recap:
1. Jen did not accept Matt's apology. She has indicated that she, in fact, never wants to see him again.
2. Matt is still with Cindy, and he still plans on breaking up with her after exam season. According to him, Cindy is starting to feel pretty secure now that Matt is no longer with Jen and has expressed her desire to form a serious relationship with him. While he does feel a bit guilty, he thinks it's best for both of them that he ends things with her before New Year’s.
3. Despite “feeling guilty” Matt has attempted to reactivate his Tinder account, but Kyle made him take it down. Kyle thinks it's too soon for Matt to do this since someone we know is bound to see him there, and according to Kyle, Matt needs to play up the angle that he's heartbroken about falling out with Jen.
4. Kyle has smoothed things over with his girlfriend by claiming he had no idea Matt was cheating. Robert backed him up on this and expressed that "nobody aside from Matt knew."
5. While I did plan on telling Carlie the truth about what was going on, considering how quickly Matt, Kyle, and Robert have been moving I opted against this. Instead, I've told Carlie that I also did not know about Matt's cheating. Yes, it's a lie, but since I was against Matt cheating, I don't think it's fair for me to go down with the ship, considering that both Kyle and Robert are getting off relatively scot-free. Apparently, I was convincing enough as Carlie told me that while she herself doesn't think I'm so bad, Jen will need time to process what went down, so it's best to give her space. Again, I get it isn’t the most appropriate measure, but I really don’t think I deserve to be in the splash zone.
6. Omar has expressed his strong disappointment in all of us but at this stage his voice has become ambient noise according to Kyle.
Since I’m fortunately visiting my parents this weekend, I get to be away from the drama and hopefully any potential fallout.
Also, since its relatively earlier we'll have to wait and see if anything else happens. But I hope (pray) the worst is over.
##**NEW UPDATE**
*
[Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/u/Fearless_Neat_6654/s/8yHmdXVPBd) **Dec 14, 2023**
3rd Update
For those wondering why I haven't posted another update, I was busy with exams. However, things have largely calmed down.
Omar is doing alright. We're not ostracizing him or anything. All he has is bad exam anxiety (despite consistently getting good marks). We went out to celebrate his birthday a few nights ago, and this did help us all de-stress.
According to Carlie, Jen is still very upset about what happened with Matt; however, fortunately, she's less depressed about it now and feels anger towards Matt more than anything else according to Carlie.
As for Matt himself, he still claims to be on course to dump Cindy sometime in the near future, as he has remained adamant about being single by the new year. Matt and Kyle claim that it is fair considering the role that Cindy played in all of this, but I’m not so sure. Either way, I’ll be staying out of whatever Matt has planned.
Kyle has pretty successfully smoothed things over with his own GF. For a bit, it did look like she wanted to take a break from him since she did hear about him telling Jen that Matt was in his lab instead of with Cindy. She was suspicious, but he did reiterate to her that he had no idea Matt was cheating. Robert helped him with this, and they have successfully put the entire thing on Matt. Matt is OK with this as he does now admit “some responsibility” but he only made this admission after Omar essentially had to spell it out for him.
Aside from this, not much is happening since everyone is mainly focused on their exams.
##**OOP Has updated after the BoRU posted**
*
**As per BoRU rules I am including it here**
[Update 4](https://www.reddit.com/u/Fearless_Neat_6654/s/FQaKhttmvW) **Dec 22, 2023**
So, there have been a few developments since my last post. Before you ask, no, I haven't told Kyle's girlfriend anything for obvious reasons. Firstly, I don't want to ruin my housing situation. Second, it'd be my word against Kyle's, Matt's, and Robert's, so she probably wouldn't believe what I have to say. Also, I've started seeing a new girl myself, and things are going smoothly. Snitching on Kyle would probably ruin that as well.
I asked Omar privately if he was going to blow the whistle on Kyle, but he didn't give me a particularly straightforward answer. He's hard to read, so I don't know what he'll do. Kyle has begged him not to say anything, so we'll see how that holds. I'm guessing Omar has probably already told the girl he likes about the entire situation. They act like a married couple despite not really dating, so if he knows, she probably knows as well, which does put Kyle at some risk of being found out, but this is only speculation and not my problem.
Matt's plan to dump Cindy and be single by the new year has completely fallen apart. As you may recall, Cindy is Matt's lab partner, and the anatomy class they're taking is a full-year course. As Omar so smugly pointed out, Matt wants the anatomy prof to write him a ref letter eventually (since he has done prior research with this prof and is doing well in his class), and if he were to have a conflict with his lab partner, that might spoil the letter.
Omar has been throwing this constantly in Matt's face by saying things like how Matt needs to "pretend to love Cindy even though he isn't capable of love" and how he "can't be a hoe anymore because it will affect his academics." He says all this jokingly, but it is hilarious considering how worked up Matt gets.
Jen and Carlie are doing alright; I saw them before leaving campus the other day, and we spoke briefly. I've heard that Jen is starting to reconnect with her ex (the guy before Matt). Before you ask, she didn’t cheat on this guy with Matt. She got with Matt a few months after she and the guy ended things. Hopefully, she finds happiness there.
Since our winter break has started, we'll all be headed our separate ways for most of the break. I do plan on hanging out with the guys a few times, though for now, as much as I love tea, I need a break from their drama.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 3,968 | 2023-12-21T05:01:06 | AITA for refusing to be my friend’s alibi so he can cheat on his GF? NEW UPDATE | NEW UPDATE | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18newh3/aita_for_refusing_to_be_my_friends_alibi_so_he/ | false | false | [
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18nex4a | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/AxalonNemesis
**My 17 year old daughter had some friends over and one of them walked out with my SDCC Fort Max Head/Cerebros.**
**Originally posted to** r/transformers
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!theft, physical violence, verbal abuse, destruction of property, false accusation of child abuse, bullying!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/transformers/s/JJ90v8UeQu) **Jan 9, 2021**
Parents have already been contacted of everyone here and im waiting for them to hopefully find it ..if not someone is going to learn an expensive lesson and I will call the police.
One of the father's said "I can't believe you still play with toys." And I responded with "And I can't believe you actually had a chance to reproduce."
It doesn't matter what it is...something was stolen from my home that is rather expensive and they came dismiss it just because they don't approve of what it is. B4
I apologize. I'm ranting.
**Update:**
I found my email receipt that I printed when I bought it years ago and I am currently waiting on police with a my daughter two of her friends and their parents.
Everyone was right. The one that responded like an ass is covering for his kid. Who is a friend of a friend and is also known to occasionally perform similar antics.
I also have the box, and the eBay results of the figure brought up on the tv to show the officers that it's indeed expensive as hell.
I called the kid's phone and was just going to tell him that everyone says it was him and I would appreciate it if he gave me the collectible.figure back. He proceeded to say, "Do you have something for me? Do you wanna **** my ****? Is that why you keep bothering me?"
I managed to keep my cool and then he yelled to his father that "that child moles*** is on the phone again" and his dad proceeded to try and rip into me when he took the phone until I just over talked him, said I had witnesses (I do), video (I do not...but I will be ordering some soon now), and the police are on their way so I would really just like my expensive collector's item back.
I got cursed out and then he hung up while telling his son "Boy...you really fucked up th..."
Luckily the friends and parents have dealt with him.before and they know his name and even where he lives. One even used to be a friend until the father in law was caught trying to steal from his small repair shop/ business.
This whole thing is ridiculous. My daughter is so upset but I keep telling her it isn't her fault. She cannot control anyone else's actions.
Anyhow. Thank you all for support. It means a lot to know that as a fandom, we have one another's backs. I appreciate each and everyone of you taking the chance to respond.
I'll update as the next piece of drama happens or Cerebros is returned home.
**Update 2:**
The police arrived and I explained everything and my daughter cut in to tell them that the kid and his dad were saying nasty stuff to try and avoid getting in trouble. Thankfully she, her friends and their parents witnessed that call.
I'm not going to be talking to them anymore except through the police because of that though. Especially since the police know exactly who we were talking about, father and son both.
I gave copies of the receipt, while explaining what had happened and also showed on eBay that it was rare and expensive.
I had to insist a little bit at first because one of the pair wasn't really taking it seriously. I was respectful but firm and didn't get pissed although my daughter was and I had to send her to her room. Her friends accompanied her though.
She really is upset over it and is taking it personally. After they went to go talk to the two dumbasses, I went and had a nice long, talk with her to explain how it wasn't her fault at all and I'm sorry she is having to deal with it.
Before the police left, they took the kids and parents statements and even talked to may daughter a bit and they were given a list of people that were here, just in case we are wrong. Hell, they doubt it as well but just in case.
I was also asked what I wanted, I responded that I wanted my collectable complete once again. I wanted the figure/head back in the same condition it was yesterday before they touched it, and if that wasn't possible then I wanted them to pay for it and punished. Especially since they started saying that nasty crap. Which apparently the kid has even accused teachers of to try to keep from getting in trouble for shit they did at school. Nasty little asshole.
Like father, like son from what I hear.
Anyhow....that's the latest...the police are off to talk to them and the other kids/parents as well, I guess.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/transformers/s/D3b6Oa0HLr) **Jan 12, 2021**
The Fall of Cerebros Saga Update
I thought that it would be best if I created a new post for this update instead of continuing to add on to the original.
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/transformers/comments/ktkl8e/my_17_year_old_daughter_had_some_friends_over_and/)
A lot went on yesterday. I went to the courthouse and filled out quite a bit of paperwork and there was a lot of discussion and exchange of odd looks from a lot of the "adults" I talked to concerning the issue due to it being a "toy".
That is...until they seen the price tag and the kid and family involved. Then everyone was more than happy to help. Apparently the father and son both have a rather extensive list of run ins with the police, cps, court and more, but the theft of a high dollar figure is a first.
He was a friend of my daughter's friend that sort of invited himself over. Well...that's not entirely correct. He is the cousin of a friend of a friend. My daughter is too polite and trusting to really tell someone they can't hang out...which has changed faster than gear change from Blurr.
A lot of work was done over the weekend by the police as well as myself and I didn't realize this but my daughter and her friends went around town and talked to a few shops and made calls to others.
They hit paydirt.
Apparently before it all blew up in his face and he was caught, both him AND his father were seen going to a Comic/Toy shop that has vintage and new, trying to sell it. So this was planned to a point. I still don't know why he just grabbed Cerebros. I guess he didn't know that they went together entirely?
They were told that yes, it's rather an expensive figure, it's incomplete and doesn't even have his weapon (That's in Fort Max's Chest Compartment with another titan master firing.) From what the guy can remember his dad called him a "fucking idiot" and they left.
They police are going to get footage from the place which they're happy to give.
The discussion and paperwork was brought to a halt by a call from my daughter's school.
The kid attacked her because it was getting around school. He didn't want his name smeared over a "goddamn toy"...but hitting a female is perfectly fine, I guess? As soon as he started charging after her, he caught more than a few people's attention in her friend group and it didn't go too well. For Him. He did manage to black her eye and burst her lip but she was taught to not take shit and she gave it back and then some.
Thanks to the stupid Zero Tolerance policy, she is currently out of school for a week because she fought back. I'm raising hell over it. The son was actually arrested for attacking my daughter though.
I got to meet the father in person and he is every bit as charming as a bag of cast off circumcision skins in person as he is over the phone.
Due to his threats to not only myself but my child...there is an emergency protective order in place with a court date next week for a full on restraining order....for both of them.
The good news is they let slip some information because they were trying to hurt my daughter and I. The bad news is that it is bad news: Once they couldn't sell it, they threw it in the dumpster on the way home. We have searched cans, dumpsters and every where else. No sign of him anywhere so who knows if he is telling the truth.
Cerebros has been marked as among The Missing.
There is always a chance but as it stands right now, they are actually going to try and go after them for theft and destruction. They may try to look into getting them for trying to sell him as well. Either way, it seems to be a violation of a deal one of them had with some previous issue and there may well be them going back to jail.
My daughter is home, enjoying ice cream and we are watching Beast Wars.
I will let you all know as it develops. Thanks for caring and checking in. I may need to edit and add more as the day goes on. I wrote this with less than about 5 hours of sleep the past two days because of this and other chaos.
##**OOP has updated in the BoRU thread**
*
[Final update](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Xen92iOl5c)
Here is the requested Update:
Like I mentioned in another post, this past October everything finally wrapped up.
My daughter surprised me for my birthday, (early December) and Christmas with the regular version of Fortress Maximus that came out. We decided to mix the two and then as soon as we get room, the other one is going to be displayed in city mode.
Sadly, it was never fully recovered. A few other things from our place was also missing, such as my Wii-U gamepad as well as a few games.
The useless excretia that called themselves the principal didn't notify the police, just suspended both my daughter and the kid via zero tolerance. So after finding that out when I tried to get a copy of the paperwork, we filed against him. The principal said I was impeding their investigation because I involved the police. The sheriff told them to shut up and proceeded to berate them...and also told him that just because he is a principal, didn't mean he is the law.
My daughter tried to go back and the ass extended it two days. I went and talked to the school board. Nothing. Said it was at his discretion. Then I found out that the little darling that kicked it all off was back at school...bragging.
That was a big mess caused by the principals hurt feelings. He was gunning for my daughter and she skates by and he ended up being "asked" to retire.
During this time the police were working and I was making trips and calls. Found my Wii-U pad was sold with the games to a less than reputable pawn shop. They were reported as stolen with the serial number and his uncle's pawn shop got fined.
I'm not sure what kicked it off but when they went to go see the dad and the kid over the illegal sale, they got into it with the police, which the kid screamed that one of the officers tried to suck his dick, police brutality and other shit. The father tried to drunkenly fight and got the hell tased out of him according to the police.
The kid, because he was on probation for a violent felony committed a violent attack against my daughter along with stealing stuff, had his probation revoked. He was cut a deal of sorts of he told everything his father was into, which, in court, the dad threatened to off him.
He is in a juvenile center until next year and then serves a couple of years in prison because he couldn't stay out of trouble on the inside.
The dad turned a few years for also violating probation or parole into a lot longer if not life when he lost his temper and permanently hurt someone in the first few months.
The dad was having his kid go take things like it was their own personal Walmart from friends and friends if friends places. They were also stealing Rx meds and even robbed a couple of dealers at gunpoint.
One of the ATVs they stole in the middle of the night belong to said sheriff as well. They admitted they trashed Cerebros when they couldn't sell him. They smashed him up and cut on him with a Dremel or something. They found the pieces in their back deck. Looked like they also tried to burn it but almost burned their deck down...much to the landlord's dismay, whom had to evict even though they were incarcerated. He also used them for all the damage done to the place.
I also took them both to small claims court and won by default but don't think I'll ever be able to collect. I'm going to stay on top of it all because it's the least I can do to help them in their little slice of hell some after all they done for me and my daughter.
My apologies for this being all over the place. I think I covered it all. My daughter is doing great and I finally got approved earlier this month for disability so things are starting to look up.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 6,293 | 2023-12-21T05:01:54 | My 17 year old daughter had some friends over and one of them walked out with my SDCC Fort Max Head/Cerebros. | NEW UPDATE | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18nex4a/my_17_year_old_daughter_had_some_friends_over_and/ | false | false | [
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18ng0hx | **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/SonrisaSunflower](https://www.reddit.com/user/SonrisaSunflower/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/TwoHotTakes
**Trigger Warnings:** >!infidelity; infertility; brief mention of sexual assault!<
**Mood Spoiler:** >!this does not go the way you think !<
I added paragraph breaks for readability.
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11p67j7/aita_for_announcing_we_are_pregnant_too_early/)**: March 11, 2023**
So I (26F) and my husband (30M) decided to start our family. We were very fortunate and got pregnant on the first try. As soon as we found out, positive test at 5 weeks, we shared on our family chat because we were very excited! The family chat includes my dad, my brother (22M) and his wife (21F).
My brother, who is on deployment, sends me a lengthy message about how I'm selfish and rubbing it in their face that we are pregnant when we know they've struggled with fertility issues and it's something I should have kept to myself. I know his wife has issues with her reproductive organs that would make it VERY hard for her to conceive but neither of then shared that they were actively trying. I also understand how hard deployments can be, I'm a veteran and my husband is active duty, AND our mom died about 16 months ago, so I'm trying to be really understanding of their feelings and experiences. However, I'm really hurt. I don't think it's wrong to share our excitement. I want to share because if we were to have a miscarriage I would want my family to know and to help me through it. It just seems really out of character for my brother to treat me this way. His wife hasn't said anything or acknowledged what we said.
EDIT TO ADD
I'd be happy to answer/clarify a few things.
1. They did not share they were trying to get pregnant/recieve fertility treatments. She shared about a year prior that she will likely struggle to conceive but didn't want to go into detail. We respected her privacy and didn't pry. She is shy and very quiet. We all expressed support for her and whatever their journey looks like.
2. I was concerned about miscarriages because I have uterine fibroids, very irregular periods, and I was SA by someone for an extended period of time, multiple times, while I was deployed and didn't have access to birth control. I did not become pregnant, which I am VERY GRATEFUL FOR, but my doctor and therapist both agreed that it could signal that I would face fertility issues. My mom isn't around so I can't get her medical history (which could affect me). The doctor told me that I would have to try for 12-18 months before getting a referral to a fertility clinic and that I should gather resources (such as therapy) and support (husband, friends, family if I'm comfortable with that) to help me through those potentially difficult times.
3. If I knew they were actively trying and struggling, I would have waited to tell by brother and SIL until he came home and had time to reintegrate but also checked out on my SIL frequently to see what I could do to help/alleviate the stress.
***Relevant Comments:***
*Did they expect you to just hide it and show up with a baby one day?*
"That's what I thought. It would be even weirder, and in some ways insulting(?), to not share with them. My family is very open and transparent about everything, so hiding it felt wrong."
*Hope your dad was congratulatory at least?*
"My dad called to tell me congratulations. It was a PM from my brother so he hasn't seen it and I'm not ready to share that with dad yet. It will upset him that we aren't getting along and mom isn't here to mediate/fix it."
*Maybe he just lashed out because he had bad news (not excusing it):*
"I suspect that as well. I wish they had shared their journey with us so we could have been supportive. His wife is very quiet, shy, and keeps to herself so I imagine he hasn't shared out of respect for her wished, which is very understandable. It's just not the best way for him to handle it, I think."
***OOP is voted NTA***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/18ik0xi/update_am_i_the_asshole_for_announcing_our/)**: December 14, 2023 (9 months later)**
UPDATE: DEFINITELY a bittersweet update. They have successfully conceived and are expecting a boy! They are far enough along that they felt comfortable announcing and we are praying that this miracle can make it to term and is healthy. We were not invited to their gender reveal but I was due that week and they currently live 3 hours away so we could not travel.
However, the woman my brother cheated on his wife with while on deployment was invited and attended so...... our relationship is still very strained.
My SIL posted a reel to FB sharing all the dirty details for friends and family to see. Including screenshots from the conversation she had with the mistress. In some of those screenshots the mistress shared that my brother insisted his wife was dying of cancer (she did receive cancer treatment while he was deployed but wasn't in Stage 3/4. Which is wild because our mom died of cancer a few years ago so we are familiar with how things can progress with cancer.) and he was seeking comfort. Then swore to his wife on our dead mother's grave that he didn't cheat on her.
However, shortly afterwards my SIL tested positive for an STD while pregnant. Things are a mess. I think, perhaps, all the drama about my pregnancy had less to do with me and more to do with issues they were/are trying to navigate.
***Relevant Comments:***
*Did I miss a post or did a lot happen all at once? Where did the mistress come from?*
"The mistress info is in the update. We didn't know there was a mistress until SIL shared that reel. My SIL vented to me about a girl she suspected my brother of cheating on her with while on deployment, but nothing was concrete. Photos posted to social media of them together, him liking her instagram pics that were very revealing. When she told me this, I took it upon myself to reach out to him and remind him that he's married and if he's doing things that make his wife suspect he's cheating.... he probably shouldn't be doing them. I understand deployment is hard, I have deployed multiple times, and so has my husband, but that isn't an excuse to break your marriage vows. Of course, he denied everything until the mistress reached out to my SIL. He couldn't deny the text messages and intimate info shared."
"I linked my previous post for those that wanted a refresher. It was a lot lol and tbh there's still more coming out as time goes on. Yeah we had no idea. I had a FEELING something went on but never confirmed it until my SIL posted a reel with ALL the receipts. I plan on enjoying our new baby and enjoying our beautiful life!"
*Definitely time for some space:*
"Thank you! We will absolutely be taking our space from them. Perks to being a military family is we will move soon and be far away so that will make things a bit easier. Hoping with time, and therapy, my brother can mature."
*Did she post the reel before or after the gender reveal?*
"After the gender reveal, her reel showed the girl in the background and then went on to show the screenshots of their conversation about his infidelity. To my SIL's credit, she was very nice and amicable to the mistress."
*Wait MISTRESS was at the reveal but not you???*
"Exactly! For the record, the hierarchy is: Select family Friends Coworkers Mistress Then us 😬"
*Was she invited before or after affair was discovered?*
"Invited before. I still can't imagine having the audacity, the gall, the confidence to invite the mistress to the gender reveal."
*On how young brother and SIL are:*
"Most of our family is in agreement that they got married too soon and are trying to have kids too soon. Although, due to some of her medical issues, the doctors suspect her biological time clock will run out sooner than later so there's that added pressure to have kids now."
*How is SIL doing?*
"She's really shut down and hasn't wanted to talk with us. Posts a lot of "men ain't shit" content right now and is applying to go back to school because she can't rely on my brother. Which is understandable. I'm worried for her mental health and the stress this is putting on her pregnancy. She's had a lot of difficulty carrying to term (multiple miscarriages) and I'm just praying this won't occur again."
*Did YOU have your baby??*
"I did! A beautiful boy. It wasn't an easy birth but we are happy to be home and making the best of late night wake ups. (Hence the update lol)"
*Reaching out to SIL:*
"Yeah, I have reached out. She's not super interested connecting right now. Before finding out she was pregnant and then finding out about the cheating she wanted nothing to do with me because of my pregnancy and now birth. It's just really awkward." | 2,282 | 2023-12-21T06:04:02 | AITA for announcing we are pregnant too early? | ONGOING | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18ng0hx/aita_for_announcing_we_are_pregnant_too_early/ | false | false | [
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18nphp5 | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/QuackedGirlieAnon
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
[Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17ndfi7/aita_for_giving_my_boyfriend_the_ultimatum_to/?share_id=3Kr2WGn142SPPR5f2qp8t&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
**AITA for giving my boyfriend the ultimatum to spend more time with me than his family?**
**NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** ---
Trigger Warnings: >!Child neglect, child abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, manipulation, relationship neglect, sexual abuse, oversharing of traumatic details!<
**RECAP**
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17ciibh/aita_for_giving_my_boyfriend_the_ultimatum_to/?share_id=IDc-WxSsIB13V44HaOkaQ&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 20, 2023**
I'm probably going crazy, but I need to get this off my chest and some opinions that arn't close to us.
My BF(24M) and I(22F) have been together since highschool, we met when I was 15 and he was 17, we hit it off massively and have always been each others best friend. He had a strained relationship with his family, divorced mom and dad. Dad had a family with a new woman, mom was single and focused on him. When he was around 19, his Mom remarried and the new guy had two daughters he brought into the relationship. My BF has TAKEN to his step sisters and is an all around amazing older brother. That's where the biggest issue takes place.
(Bf - Boyfriend, BM - Boyfriend's Mom, BD - Boyfriends Dad, SD - Boyfriend's Step Dad, OSS - Oldest step sister, YSS, Youngest Step Sister.)
The girls were around 13 and 10 when they came into the picture, and BF would be there for them through ANYTHING. It quickly went from us having two date-nights a week, to one date night and one 'group babysitting session.' I was fine with it for the first year, but after I graduated highschool - and started going to community college, I wanted more, y'know, private time. BF still lived at home though, and I lived with my parents. If he came over to my place - we'd beable to get private time and space. My parents are cool with it, but the issue is, he never wanted to leave his sisters alone. SD and BM would constantly skip town or go on trips or go visit friends and BF would always offer to babysit. He said he was always wanting siblings who loved him, and now he does kinda deal.
Well, this has been going on for years. I had asked BF if we could go on a trip for our SEVEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY. Bec I'm just NEEDING to spend time with him. Originally our plan was for him and I to take a week-long disney trip paid for by my parents, amazing - right?
He hits me with, three weeks before we're supposed to leave, a "My SD is saying the girls gotta go with us if I'm going to go."
ME: "What? That's crazy, he's not paying for it and neither are you. He can't withhold you from going."
Him: "He's having a hard time and says if I go for a week he's going to relocate my stuff from the house, Mom's agreeing with him."
Me: "well fine, you can come live with us. (Me and my parents, my parents love him.)"
Him: "I don't really think that's fair to my sisters and mom. Can I pay for them to go with us?"
Me: "No." I didn't say anything else.
He got pissed at me, and I explained, straight up, that I'm sick of his sisters always being IN our life. I understand he's excited to have loving siblings, and that he loves them very much. But he isn't their parent. He isn't in charge of them, and the fact that his mom instantly was ok with parentifying him from the get-go and shoving the girls off on him was a huge nasty red-flag.
He left, pissed asf with me. Apparently told the girls, OSS whose like 17-18 is blowing up my phone talking about how I'm trying to isolate him from his family and I need to learn to fuck off when it comes to them??? That I can't CONTROL how much time he spends with his family and that I shouldn't tell them they can't go if they can afford it????? YSS sent me a text about how she's sorry that she did anything to make me hate them??
I DID NOT SAY I HATE THEM. My boyfriend is acting like my issue wis with THEM. When my issue is with us not having a GOOD private life together.
I told both of them, copy pasting the message from one sister to the other,
"I have no ill-feelings with either of you, I just wish I could spend private time with my boyfriend, who is also your brother that you live with, without you two always being there. I would love to plan a vacation with all of us at some point, but this was a vacation that was for me and your brother." Neither have responded to me.
I sent a text to my boyfriend after it all saying, "Hey. I just need you to know that I don't hate your sisters, I love them. But I need us time and I can't continue this relationship if you can't learn how to prioritize me as much as you prioritize them."
He hasn't responded.
Their SD called my dad and basically told him off for being picky with how he chooses to spend his money? My dad didn't like that one at all, they were buds in the past but a few years ago SD insulted my dad in some way and Dad hasn't wanted to talk to him since then. Dad told him to go "fuck himself and BF better beg to be allowed to step foot in my house after this." kinda deal, so Dad's blaming BF. I'm trying to handle that.
Nobody is responding to me, and I'm just losing my shit.
I contacted our mutual friends, adding a few to a group chat, told them whats up, one told me that the girls were abused by their mom? and their dad is a piece of shit so my BF is the only person they have to rely on in that family. But at the same time, I feel like that's partly just fucking excuses. They said that I'm being too harsh on him, and that I can't 'spring this on him' years after it became a issue? The others in the group chat either were big on I'm being too harsh on him, or really really against me saying the girls are sweet and I can't expect to punish them for me wanting more attention??? Nobody seems to understand, and I'm just, I'm losing my mind. Am I wrong?? Am I the asshole??
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17dw2fj/update_aita_for_giving_my_boyfriend_the_ultimatum/) - **October 22, 2023**
Stuff happened. I'm not going to try to include a timeline because everything has been very confusing and I stayed up till 4am past couple of nights and just... time is an illusion,
Anyhow. BF finally contacted me. Came to my house, not texted or called. Begged my father for forgiveness for HIS step father's actions. He started crying, my Dad hugged him and brought him inside. I was pissed, I started screaming at him. My dad told me to let him speak.
My Bf basically admitted that his step-dad was a piece of shit, and that he abused his daughters. They'd go to their mothers, but she is equally as bad. He witnessed them being beat by their father when they first came into the picture. Step-dad never tried with him, because he was too old and fit and my bf would have floored him if he tried. There has been a few physical altercations between them.
The sisters see my BF as their only safe space. and both of them wrote me hand-written apologies, wasn't anything fancy, but my bf knows me well enough that "A text won't do shit for her, if you're sorry, write it out or tell her face to face." They weren't strong enough to face me though, but that's fine. I don't... blame them, this situation is just fucked up.
My BF told me that the friendships and personal situations going on involving his life, while we were growing up, were his business in his eyes. Everything that was hurting him, everything that hurt our friends. He was always the one people called on because he wouldn't tell and that it wasn't just a "I don't want to tell you" kind of way, it was a "This is their and my lives, and there is a inability to vocalize how much things can hurt, or knowing something is wrong and telling someone else only to know they'll be more upset for you than you're upset for you - sucks."
He knew if I ever found out about the abuse, I'd of told my dad. He said this infront of my dad, and my dad said it was understandable? Like Dad? hello? Because "You'd take the girl's father away from them, and unless your mother is willing to adopt them both, you'd lose the girls entirely." Dad seemed to get it before I got it.
Convo lasted a few hours, my bf asked me if I could forgive him, I told him only if things changed somehow. I asked how I could help, he said I couldn't.
He asked to speak to my father in private, they did. Then they left for a bit.
The girl's and my BF have been staying at my house since they got back. Police officers have been by a few times, apparently my dad is protecting the kids now and my bf is going to start a case against their father. My dad is acting as a voice of support/reason, my dad has some sway around here and so people listen to him.
My Bf's asleep in my bed right now, first time he's been allowed to sleep in in forever. His sisters are asleep on an air mattress in the living room. Both did end up apologizing too me. The Disney Land bit was because they were scared to be left home alone for a week without my BF there. Nothing more, they were downright fearful to be alone with their father and my BF's mom. Apparently she's been abusing them too, without my BF knowing. They told the cops last night.
There is alot... going on. Alot of it is confusing to me and its been a whirlwind.
Disney has become a family + girls trip if the cops/courts/whoeverthefuck will let us. My mom and dad will take the girls and me and my bf will have our original plans. If not my mom and dad have promised to be there for the girls. My Mom's been teaching YSS how to do braids and stuff, it's been sweet.
My friends kind of are upset with me, because I pushed my bf to tell me alot of their personal secrets and issues, and then I blew up on them for not telling me. It wasn't my place, I know that. I just had to know how much was going on behind my back involving my boyfriend. I didn't need to know, I just wanted too. He told me begrudgingly, and that's my bad 1000%.
I didn't realize half the shit people relied on him for, everyone relied on him. It's depressing how much I didn't know, but it's also relieving to know that he's genuinely that great of a guy and I'm going to do my best to make it up too him.
**ADDITIONAL COMMENTS FROM OOP**
If anything is confusing, I'll try to answer questions.
I just woke up and was trying to make sense of this mess.
I'm numb atm, happy I think, but numb. My life has changed a-lot as well. The girl's told me stuff I never knew, I cried with them last night. There has been... alot of crying. We were all up to 4am, just sitting in the living room eating snacks and watching movies and talking about it all. They have gone through... shit.
Their mom was worse than their dad, but their dad was horrible. OSS is traumatized of driving and doesn't like driving because their mom would get high as fuck and when OSS was like 7-8 she'd force OSS to drive her places, and it scared the shit out of her. She'd get beat if she didn't listen.
Nobody really knew, the girl's mom went to jail for drug possession and that's how their dad ended up single with the girls. He actually - within a month - met and got with BF's mom. He, I think, was just looking to dump his daughters on someone so he didn't have to be a dad.
But BF's mom didn't like the extra workload, and so her 'abuse' was more 'neglect and spite' because she blamed the girls for their step-dad not 'really' loving her. BF ended up being told by the parents to take care of the girls, and if he didn't, he had to watch the girls be neglected by his mom, or beat by their dad, or just miserable.
He's the only reason they've had lives at this point. They were scared I hated them, they were so scared I would take away their brother.
It was painful, I didn't realize I became such a villain in their eyes.
I cried, ALOT.
[Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17ijg3s/update_2_aita_for_giving_my_boyfriend_the/) - **October 28, 2023**
It's been a hell of a week. I showed my BF the posts, and there was... alot.
Where to start? Well some court stuff is in progress. week after next is when stuff is really starting to happen, the girls are allowed to live with us here temporarily. Dad says I'm "not allowed to post too much details about the GIRLS' private lives online" he quoted privacy and legal reasons with the upcoming court stuff, so just know - things are in progress! I'll post that update once it happens.
This is more about my relationship as it stands, and to clarify some information.
My boyfriend only told his BEST FRIEND about the situation. BF and his best friend have known each other since diapers, so he was the one that was closer to him all along. He knew the sitch, but it was like... hard for him to help or for them to figure out what was best to do.
A few commenters talked about why my BF didn't reach out to other adults, or tell others, apparently he tried. He told his school counselor. I can't go into more detail about what happened THERE right now, but short story is the school failed him and his step-sisters. I'll be telling ya'll abt that in DEBT when I am allowed too.
Friends and I are NOT talking atm. A-lot of them don't understand how I feel, and I realized that they are pretty shitty to me overall. My BF has gone no-contact with anyone who didn't apologize too me as well, or didn't at least understand the situation to not blame me.
We are starting couples counseling starting Wednesday, this is for a few reasons.
I realized I can't trust him, but I want to trust him. So I told him we need to work out these feelings through counseling.
He needs to talk about what he went through with someone other than just me, his best friend, and my dad. My dad actually REALLY pushed for therapy.
We need to talk about and communicate things in a way that's controlled, because right now we're both too emotional to handle conversations.
I showed BF my posts the day we decided on counseling. He originally got defensive, but reading the comments people left where they talked about me leaving him, prioritizing myself, he started crying. Like ugly snotty heaving crying. I have never seen him cry like that before.
He gave me this super long-winded apology that was basically repeating himself over and over again until he couldn't stop through the sobbing. It was so bad my mom came to check on us, then basically hit my room with a "Do not enter" to the rest of the house.
He talked to a few people after that, when he pulled himself together, a few friends gave me really heartfelt apologies after he explained the situation to them. Apparently I'm... really bad at explaining how I feel. I'll say when I confronted people, I did it in a place of anger. So everyone was on the defensive instantly, and people thought I had forced their secrets out of my bf in a "its MY secrets not yours to know" but some of our friends understood where it came from that 'we' are a couple. Some people are upset, they don't feel that I'm 'entitled' to their secrets, and honestly, I agree to a degree. I promised that my BF only told me things that involved HIM. Because HE is my partner. Things are rocky with some people, but we don't have the time for friendships atm.
BF is officially living with me, sharing my room with me. His stuff (valuables, consoles, etc) is in the basement atm and the sisters are set up in my dad's office until we hear the result of the court stuff. If the court-stuff goes our way, we'll be refurnishing the basement.
People brought up some points about my dad and mom's relationship, and I talked to dad about it. He actually agreed with everyone, and talked to my mom about what she told me.
Some additional context about my dad, he's like 57 atm. He retired early because, as he told me a few days ago, "The biggest mistake of my life was prioritizing a career over my family. I did it so I could have more time with you, later on, but that was wrong of me as I missed so much of your life early on." Mom apologized to me as well, and said that she has some "Fucked up perspectives based on her own experiences." (She was married once before dad, and that dude abused the fuck out of her. So she just thought she was lucky to have dad.)
I'm also going to be going to individual therapy sessions with the person who'll be doing our couples counseling, it'll be on Fridays.
Thank you to everyone for the advice and support,
# ---- NEW UPDATE: ----
[Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18ibi7w/final_update_aita_for_giving_my_boyfriend_the/?share_id=uywBDyJV7BPcQ3BS7vm2Z&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **December 14, 2023**
This isn't going to be as Juicy as people may hope, but...
Marry Christmas with amazing news!
TW: Abuse and all the fucked up shit surrounding it.
The girls are EMANCIPATED.
That’s putting it simply, the court process was hell and originally we were told it will take us upward of 6 months. But everything fell into place when their father showed his ass.
Some topics to tell ya'll about,
The Court Case:
My dad and the girls talked to a lawyer, my dad was assigned as a representative of the girls as they didn’t want him to be a guardian. It ended up being alot of stuff without me there, but we had two hearings. Each one discussed a different aspect or topic, the first hearing was over the abuse charges and child endangerment shit. The Judge told OSS to get a job that pays her enough to be a ‘living wage’ in our state and then asked if YSS was comfortable getting one too, but my dad said he’d ‘pay her’ to help care for the home and provider her and OSS a reasonable rent. So since they fulfilled a few of the categories for emancipation, the judge siad it was looking good for us. Lawyer had run us through a bunch of it, judge was confirming it. From there they had a meeting without telling me much about the step-father and my Bf’s mother’s part in the issues, it was messy. My dad forbid me from attending and I hear from my mother that she never heard my dad yell like that before.
Our case was expedited because my dad pulled some favors, and the nature of the abuse charges caused a few different organizations to get involved. (All my dad’s work.)
BF’s Abuse,
BF was physically beaten by his step-father since he came into the picture, alot of it was stuff like punches to the head, gut, choking him but stopping before it was a bruise. There was… also apparently sexual abuse, but I don’t want to go into debt about it. It was long, drawn out, series of abuse that started physical and ended sexual. Shit was disgusting and inhumane.
Girls Abuse,
Take the above, times it by 4, and then by 8 for the youngest sister. It was so much worse than I could even describe, and I can’t describe it. I want to scream just thinking back on everything.
Bf’s Step-father,
Sentencing to determine his jail time is happening after the holidays. He’s under house arrest till then.
Bf’s Mother,
Will be going to jail for three years.
OSS:
Has a Job at my dad’s old office, she’s going to go to school to become a nurse and then work there full time. She’s just a glorified secretary rn. Dad guaranteed her a job since he’s retired but his coworkers trust him. He’ll also cover up to 45k of her tuition. Dad got a used car for her to get too and from work and school with as well.
YSS:
Is basically doing her and her sisters chores, and helping my mother with chores for around $600 a month. (Under the table, supposed to be $1000, but ‘rent’ is taking $400.) Dad gave her my old car that’s just sat in the garage for a few years now, (It’s technically mom’s old car, but ever since mom got her new car she’s never driven it, I drove it for a bit before buying my own car.)
BF: Working 60 hour work weeks right now, saving up for us to move out. We’re doing great. He’s doing alot better.
Therapy:
So. Much. Therapy.
The girls + my Bf attend a group therapy session for their abuse once a week,
My Bf and I attend a couples therapy session once a week,
My Bf and the girls EACH attend separate sessions of therapy once a week.
And I’m seeing a therapist bi-weekly rn.
(It’s funny because it’s all through the same therapy and counseling center.)
Trust & Relationship:
Bf and I are stronger than we’ve ever been, maybe it’s the trauma bonding - but I genuinely don’t think we’ve ever been better. He’s open, proudly so. Our old friends are out of the picture except for the ones that understand and apologized, we’re having weekly date nights out of the house / away from my parents and his sisters.
Overall it’s been alot. But holidays are around the corner and I got all three of them a matching locket that can be worn as a necklace or like a pocketwatch. The Locket has the date they were ‘free’ engraved in it, and then a small photo of the three of them together I took.
He’s not allowed to read this post until after the holidays :)
Overall, I’m thankful for this subreddit because I would of lost my fucking mind dealing with everything on my own. Just being able to get it out and talk to others, was surreal.
If anyone has questions feel free too ask, I know I'm not the best at keeping stuff up to date. I don't really understand reddit entirely.
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP** | 1,960 | 2023-12-21T15:24:34 | AITA for giving my boyfriend the ultimatum to spend more time with me than his family? | NEW UPDATE | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18nphp5/aita_for_giving_my_boyfriend_the_ultimatum_to/ | false | false | [
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18npiew | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/LunaNova5726
**Originally posted to** r/tifu
**TIFU by ruining my husbands relationship with his best friend**
Trigger Warnings: >!mentions of infertility, death of a child, emotional abuse and manipulation, controlling behavior, infidelity, financial abuse!<
---
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1767m2p/tifu_by_ruining_my_husbands_relationship_with_his/?share_id=Zze5D1ASilnp_UgTq07K_&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 12, 2023**
My husband and I (both 35) have been together for 7 years and married for 5. He has two older brothers that he isn't particularly close with. The one person he is very close to is his cousin Aaron. They lived together after my husband graduated college, he was the best man at our wedding, and Aaron even lived with us for a year while we were married so he could finish school.
I like Aaron a lot. He has felt like a brother in law to me, much more than my actual in-laws have ever felt. My husband and I have had a rough three years. Between COVID, there was a point where both of our fathers were in terrible health, we've dealt with infertility issues, and sadly in July we had a stillbirth at 34 weeks pregnant. And Aaron has been there for us through all of that. He is probably the person my husband can lean on the most for support.
Last night, I get a call from Aaron's longtime girlfriend Jennifer. She asked if it was okay if she could come over and have some girl talk with me. Jennifer and Aaron have been together about as long as my husband and I have. She has three kids from a previous relationship, and we love them. They spend the night at our house, and her older kids dog sit for us.
She comes over and proceeds to tell me some serious problem she has had with Aaron, and she is at a loss at what to do. The main crux of her issues are, Aaron is in an insane amount of debt and has basically used her as a place to crash for 7 years. He is constantly criticizing her for her parenting saying she "babies" her teenage children. And finally, he's lying about where is going, and his locations have him at a massage place that does happy endings.
I hate to say that the financial issues and the parenting issues, I already vaguely knew about. Even my husband and I have called Aaron out about how he talks about the teenagers. But, I had no idea how bad it was.
We talked through it and I flat out asked her "if he is going to a massage parlor and getting happy ending behind your back, would you still stay with him." And she said yes. So I gave her some advice about boundaries and talking to him and I left it at that. After she left, I went upstairs and told my husband what she said.
He proceeds to have a complete breakdown. He is in tears. I finally get him to talk and he starts saying things like "can I just have one person in my life that I can trust", "I can't go to my brothers to talk, and now I can't trust Aaron because I know he's been doing this shit", "he's fucking better than this". Just completely and utterly destroyed.
I feel terrible! I didn't even think about it when I told him what Jennifer said. I didn't even think that it could ruin their relationship. Aaron is the only person he goes to for advice and really looks up to as a big brother. And I just completely destroyed that image. I'm going with the classic "pretend it didn't happen" technique this morning. But I just feel like I completely took away the one family member who felt comfortable turning to for emotional support. The fuck do I do?
TLDR: TIFU by telling my husband all the fucked up shit his best friend/surrogate brother has done to his girlfriend and I've probably ruined their relationship at a time when my husband really needs support.
**Update:** Yowza! Thank you everyone for your kind words and your jokes! It certainly helped calm down my spiraling brain. I don't have much of an update on Jennifer and Aaron. Other then they are "broken up", but my husband and I have heard that a time or 20 and don't really buy it. I will go ahead and give some clarification on some common questions.
**"Why do you think you fucked up?"** Honestly, because of my husband's reaction. The minute I realized he was breaking down and crying, in my head I was thinking "Shit. Shit. Shit. Oh, I fucked up." I just felt so horrible that I made him upset. And I know it wasn't me, it was what Aaron did that upset him. But maybe it's the former catholic in me. I am programed to look inward for blame lol!
**"Is Aaron your husband's only friend"** No, we actually have a great group of friends who are very much our "chosen family" to us. Aaron is his cousin and the only family member he is really close too. We have a good relationship with his parents and siblings, but they've never been close. He's also the youngest of all the grand-kids. His cousins are all at least five years older than him. So there was never anyone in his family he was close with growing up. He and Aaron got closer in college and it felt like he finally had that person who understood their family that he could confide in.
**"Why aren't you in therapy?"** Oh don't you worry! We are in ALL the therapy. When our baby died we got into group therapy, couples therapy, and individual therapy. Our couples therapist has been trying to get us to focus on things to look forward to again. Simple things like going out to dinner, going on a trip, etc... We are unfortunately in a real negative head space these days. Which I think is the other reason he had such a big reaction.
**Tiny Update:** My husband and I both work from home. I tried my hardest to avoid the subject about Aaron and Jennifer. Then while I was in the shower, he came in the bathroom and said "by the way, yes, I am still pissed about Aaron." Fuck.
We went out to dinner last night. I did apologize to him. Not exactly "I'm sorry I told you", more like "I'm sorry that happened". He said "you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I am pissed off at Aaron."
Paranoid me said "You sure you aren't mad at me at ALL?"
My husband said "I am about 1% mad at you. Because you probably shouldn't have told me after I ate my gummies". We take Delta 8 gummies at night to sleep. I guess he had already taken a few by the time I came upstairs.
I did tell him that there were more shitty things Aaron has done that I didn't get a chance to tell him because he got so upset. I asked him if he wants to know that stuff. To which he said "not now, maybe another night". We enjoyed our steaks and chilled for the evening.
I don't know what is going to happen moving forward. He is very insistent that he is not going to reach out to Aaron. And Aaron still has no idea Jennifer talked to us or that my husband knows all the shit Aaron has done. Maybe he will wake up tomorrow in a different timeline! Where no bad things ever happen! We can all dream right?
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**JPWRana:** You did not mess up. In fact you did a very good thing be 1) Being honest with your spouse, and 2) Not delaying in telling your spouse.
Is there a reason your husband can't make new friends? I used to be an introvert, but learned to be an extrovert, so I know it's easier and less effort to get to know other people.
>**OP:** We have a great group of friends that we absolutely love. My husband doesn't really have anyone in his family he is close too. I think Aaron made him feel still connected to his family. While we have a cordial relationship with his parents and siblings, he never had a sibling bond. One of his brothers is an addict and the other is a born again Christian. So he doesn't feel comfortable talking about the difficult stuff with them. But he could with Aaron and Aaron knows what their families are like.
**ArmThePhotonicCannon:** Does he not trust YOU?
>**OP:** He was more referring to his immediate family in that moment. His brothers, his dad, his cousins. Unfortunately there is a lot of drama in his family. Aaron is the only family member he is really close too.
**Solo_is_dead:** My issue is did she think she was telling you this in confidence? If SO maybe you weren't supposed to share this information with your husband.
> **OP:** A lot of people have been asking why I told my husband. So I'll clarify a bit more here.
>
> So basically, Jennifer called me and asked if she could come over and chat with us about Aaron. She specifically said she wanted to talk to someone who knows Aaron well. She eluded to relationship issues. And the fact she wanted to come over on a random work day, unprompted, is odd. I had a bad feeling Aaron had done something shitty.
>
> I got off the phone and told my husband Jennifer was coming over. He had the same thought I did. They've had an on/off relationship for years. So I was hoping and praying it was just something stupid.
>
> My husband then asked me if he should be a part of the conversation. I said no, that maybe it would be better if it was just the girls. When Jennifer got there, she asked if my husband was going to chat with us in a "should we wait for him" kind of way.
>
> So at the end of the conversation, it wasn't weird for me to go up and tell him what we talked about. When he came upstairs he said "well, what is it". To which I said "It's cheating."
>
> It really felt to me Jennifer wanted both of us in on the conversation, especially since my husband and Aaron are so close. I may have been wrong, but I was trying to give her the space to be open.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/18ibexx/tifu_update_on_aaron_and_jennifer/?share_id=mjWktiyr9-UA3jRrAt8I6&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **December 14, 2023**
[HERE](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1767m2p/tifu_by_ruining_my_husbands_relationship_with_his/?share_id=Zze5D1ASilnp_UgTq07K_&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) is the link to my previous post. The TLDR, a while ago I posted that I FU by ruining my husbands relationship with his cousin and surrogate brother. Basically we found out his cousin Aaron was treating his long term girlfriend horribly. I told my husband and he was completely destroyed to learn that Aaron was being such a dick.
Anyway on to the update: After Jennifer confided in me, my husband had his meltdown, and I panic-typed on reddit, I sat on everything Jennifer told me for a few days. At the end of the day, she told me she didn't want to break up. And I can't tell her to break up with someone. And my husband, while still pissed, hasn't revealed to Aaron we know all the shit he has done. But I realized her self esteem must be so low, that she is willing to stay with someone that treats her like shit. So I had my mission: Build up Jennifer's self-esteem so that she will break up with Aaron on her own.
It worked!!
I sent Jennifer these two books someone recommended about loving yourself. I am not a very crunchy person but Jennifer is. The books were a little too "inner-goddess" "mother gaia" for me. But both books are women talking about experiencing abuse and rising above to become career women. It reminded me of Jennifer crying to me and saying "I feel like all I do is support his dreams. When is it my turn?" Which broke my heart when she said that. So I sent her the books and wrote her a note saying that I loved her and I wanted her to realize how amazing she is.
After that, she kicked Aaron out of the bedroom and made him sleep in a separate room in her house. She told him that if he wanted to continue their relationship, and since he refused to prove he wasn't at a massage parlor (she asked to see his bill statements for that day and he wouldn't show her), if he wanted back in her bed then he needed to agree to couples counseling. Which of course he didn't want to do. He kept begging to sleep back in the bed with her. When she told me I commended her for putting up a good boundary. And encouraged her to stick to that boundary.
A couple weeks ago, Aaron and Jennifer came into town and met us for lunch. My husband and Aaron went out and Jennifer and I went out alone. Jennifer was commenting about them having issues, because she still won't let him back in her bed. Basically he started doing petty shit like changing all the passwords to their streaming services. But then he made a romantic dinner for her the next night. I started putting the bug in her head that Aaron needed to move out. I carefully worded it and just said "It doesn't mean you have to break up, but he needs to get out of your house." Then I sent her a podcast episode about a woman leaving her cheating ex. Not as subtle, buuuut I thought I could push it a little.
Last night we got the call! Aaron called my husband and said "Jennifer and I broke up. It's permanent this time." Then Jennifer texted me saying that Aaron was officially kicked out and he is living with a friend. They had a big blowout because they share a music account and he deleted all of her playlists. She even left the house and had her brother and mother stay while he got all of his stuff. He of course had to be petty on his way out and took all her remotes. I told my husband and he immediately overnighted her new remotes and new streaming services for her to use. They still have their finances tangled up a little bit, but hopefully she can get that undone quickly.
She appreciated that my husband and I support her even though we are Aaron's family. She is really hoping my husband can help Aaron get his shit together. Unfortunately, I think my husband is really done with Aaron. We've been going through our own grief counseling and issues with my family, and he just doesn't have room for Aaron's BS.
He's told me what disappoints him the most is that he is rethinking every conversation he and Aaron have ever had. At my husband bachelor party, Aaron went missing for an hour. He told us (and Jennifer) it was because he couldn't find his car. Now knowing everything we know, he was probably getting a prostitute. He told us Jennifer asked him to buy a van when they first started dating so they had enough room for the three kids. But now we know, Jennifer never asked him to do that. He just showed up with a van and his stuff, and moved his ass on in.
I told him, however he wants to move forward with Aaron is his decision. Aaron has been there for us during some really awful time. And I would love a scenario where Aaron would be honest and my husband could help him in some way. But that is up to my husband. Even my therapist said to me "do you have room for this right now." And the clear answer is "no".
I do hope at the end of the day this breakup is permanent. And I really hope Aaron and Jennifer stay single for a WHILE!
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 4,669 | 2023-12-21T15:25:29 | TIFU by ruining my husbands relationship with his best friend | ONGOING | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18npiew/tifu_by_ruining_my_husbands_relationship_with_his/ | false | false | [
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18npj7l | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Unable-Departure-436
**AITA for crying when my wife forgot my birthday**
**Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole
Trigger Warnings: >!verbal abuse, neglect!<
---
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/rkwU2mRarC) - **Dec 11, 2023**
When I (36M) was a kid my parents never celebrated my birthday the only reason I even knew what day my birthday was, was because of family members wishing me happy birthday. I try really hard to make everyone I'm close to have a really good birthday I guess my logic is so they feel wanted and appreciated and not how I felt as a kid.
It was my birthday yesterday and my wife (35F) didn't mention it at all she didn't say happy birthday to me or anything (neither did my daughter but she is 4 so I don't expect her to lol). I don't really care too much about presents or doing anything special it just would've been nice for her to at least acknowledge that it was my birthday.
I did wait until midnight in case she was doing that thing that they do in movies where the person pretends they have forgotten someone's birthday when they actually haven't (I know that's stupid but still.) After it turned 12 it's really embarrassing but I just kinda broke down crying. I know it's stupidly crying over something that isn't a big deal but it just made me feel how I felt as a kid and it just brought back a lot of feelings and memories from my childhood. My wife walked in on me crying (pretty much in the middle of a panic attack to be honest lol) she asked me what was wrong and once I told her she got really angry and accused me of trying to make her feel bad for something that's not important. She was shouting at me a lot and she was quite loud which woke my daughter up so I left the room to put her back to sleep.
**VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE**
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**Ok-Status-9627:** INFO
Is there something going off in your lives at the moment that could have distracted your wife from the date?
How does your wife treat her birthday? Does she behave as thought it is important, or does she dismiss any celebrations on 'her day'?
How has your wife treated you on your previous birthdays? (Clearly, you've been together at least for at least 4 birthdays, considering the age of your child.)
Does she normally get really angry with you?
Is your wife aware of your personal history, the way your parents treated you?
And no, crying over something isn't stupid, it is the body's way of helping, it has various benefits including releasing stress, and easing physical and emotional pain though the release of oxytocin and endorphins.
>**OP:** not that I know of
>
>She likes doing a big thing for her birthday because it's important which makes sense and I'm happy to make her birthday special for her
>
>She usually gets me a card or something small and says happy birthday
>
>Kind of yeah
**Worldly-Feedback6663:** I get the impression that you do want something, that you would like a celebration or a surprise. You are doing yourself a disservice by not communicating explicitly what you want. It does take away part of the birthday magic but then you can actually get what you want. I've been there and experience shows the best way to get what you want is by explocitly telling people or organizing something yourself.
Your birthday is about you and not about what your wife wants.
NTA and happy belated birthday!
>**OP:** i just want my birthday to at least be acknowledged I don't care about doing anything special honestly
>
>thank you :)
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/RgQdvqwZPO) **Dec 14, 2023**
Thank you so much for all of the replies on my previous post!
I spoke to my wife and she told me that she shouted at me because she was just tired. She seemed sorry I didn't want us to fight anymore so I forgave her. A lot of people suggested that I have a sort of celebration with my daughter which I did do. We baked a cake together yesterday and she also made me a birthday card (there's glitter everywhere now) which was very sweet!
This probably wasn't the update most people wanted since a lot of people who replied wanted me to divorce her or for there to be some big fight between my wife but I just don't think that's necessary. I really love her and I'm happy with her, I don't want anything to change this was just a mistake that hopefully won't happen again. My wife told me that it's partly my fault anyway because I should've reminded her that it was my birthday but I didn't and I agree with that. So we're pretty much even now I suppose
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**CroneDownUnder:** Thanks for the update, but I agree with others that her blaming you for not reminding her about your birthday is deeply AH behaviour.
OP, I have the perfect Xmas present for you to get your wife - a perpetual birthday calendar that can live somewhere prominent so that the page gets turned every month (that can be your kid's job). No excuse for ever forgetting anyone in the family/neighbourhood's birthday or anniversary again.
There's lots of themed choices for these - I like the Sandra Boynton one but there's floral or horses/mountains/dolphins/tv-shows etc choices too - look online and pick something she likes so it doesn't look passive-aggressive (actually maybe just get one for your kid instead, but still ensure it gets placed somewhere the whole family can see it daily).
>**OP:** I was gonna buy a calendar anyways! Last year I marked all of the important days (birthdays, holidays etc) on it with my daughter to teach her all the months and numbers, even though I think she forgot everything the next day because she was only 3 but that's okay haha
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 3,141 | 2023-12-21T15:26:40 | AITA for crying when my wife forgot my birthday | ONGOING | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18npj7l/aita_for_crying_when_my_wife_forgot_my_birthday/ | false | false | [
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18npjmg | **I am NOT OOP, OOP is** u/Frosty-Connection344.
[Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/186ujgh/aitah_for_calling_the_police_on_my_neighbours_and/)
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Stalking, kidnapping, abuse of power by authority figures!<
**MOOD SPOILER:** >!A fucking David Fincher movie!<
**AITAH for calling the police on my neighbours and calling her and her husband pedos at their "Hallovenn" (yes, it is spelled correctly) party .**
**NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----**
​
**RECAP**
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17lhlg5/aitah_for_calling_the_police_on_my_neighbours_and/)**.** \- **Nov 1, 2023**
Throwaway.
My husband (39m) and I (35f) moved to this country when we first got married due to his work. We had our first child (f6) here. He was then moved to Germany where our other two (4m,3f) were born. His company decided to move him here again, but to the opposite side of the country to where we lived the last time after we had our fourth (f 5 months).
So needless to say we know the culture despite not being native.
Our daughter started school this August for the first time, and a lot of her classmates live in the same area we do. One of the boys in her class lives at the end of the road behind us.
When we first moved into the neighbourhood back in May we were welcomed by a few of our close neigbours and this boy's mother (let's call her Astrid). She took a shine to my baby, but most people fuss over babies so I didn't think much of it. That same day she told me of how she had lost two baby girls and how lucky I was to have so many girls, and she only had three boys. The day after she came with her husband (let's call him Morton) and he too wanted to pick up the baby and paid her a lot of compliments. Until he met our oldest daughter and made a remark which I didn't think much of at the time. He said my daughter and his son could easily pass for twins as they are in the same class, and they look alike. They don't. My daughter is super blonde with grey eyes and their sun has dark blondish hair with hazel eyes. So, I corrected him. He feigned offense and said what he meant was that she could pass for his daughter, the baby too. Again I corrected them that with his light brown hair and hazel eyes neither of my girls could. He once again insisted and said, I mean our features not the colouring. Then he laughed it off and said he was just joking. They then invited us to go out for drinks, but we declined as neither one of us drinks and we don't like to be too friendly with neighours.
During the summer when we bumped into them at the local store a few times Morton and Astrid would call her "julestjerne" and sing a song from a famous movie here. After a few times I told them to knock it off as it was no longer funny.
Since May and up until a week ago they have tried to invite us to many get togethers which I found strange as they hardly ever invite the neighbours that they have known for longer than us. Morton and Astrid would quite often talk to my daughter on her way back to school (as she passes their house on the way home), and she said that it bothers her as they have both tried to pick her up and Astrid has treid a few times to touch her hair. When my husband confronted them about it they said it's just the culture here. It's not. The picking up and touching her hair stopped after that.
At the beginning of October they wanted us to help them host a "Halloween party" at the end of October, and wanted us to meet them at their house so we could coordinate the childrens costumes, especially the "twins". We declined again as we don't celebrate Halloween. They tried to convince us otherwise and were very pushy. Even had their son knock on our door a few times to play with "his twin" after school. Knocking on doors to play with other children is normal and most children roam out and about as it's a safe neighbourhood and country so that part was never suspicious to me. However after the umpteenth time of calling my daughter one of his twins I put my foot down and said he needed to stop "joking" about it as it's not funny anymore.
My husband goes offshore at times due to his work and it's has been me and the children since mid October. My daughter's teacher also lives in the neighbourhood and she is a childhood friend of Astrid. She was present in the park by our house when Astrid came up to me and handed me three costumes. One for each of my girls. She said as we don't celebrate Halloween her and her husband had decided to host a "Hallovenn" party instead and wanted my girls to wear these. I was schocked but told her no. It would not happen. The teacher tried to convince me that this would be a nice way of meeting others families and it would be fun for our children. Astrid said she had spent a lot of money on adjusting the costumes and had found the right hairstyle for my daughter to go as Gretel to her son's Hans. I told her no one made her spend the money as I had made it very clear that none of my children would be going. Right in front of me she took the hairband off my daughter's hair and tried to put one on that she had bought for the costume. I told her to stop and started walking of. She tried to apologise and said relax. We are neighbours and friends. Her teacher followed me and said not to be uptight and that Astrid meant no harm. She just likes girls.
On Monday my daughter came home with a different hairstyle and accessories to what I had sent her off with. I asked her how she got them and she said her teacher had done her hair during lunch. I asked her if she had played rough so her hair needed to be fixed she said no. Yesterday morning I spoke to her teacher and she confirmed that it was indeed her who had fixed her hair and that it was Astrid who bought the stuff. I asked her why she would go against my wishes to which she said it was only hair stuff and Astrid didn't want to throw it away as she had spent money on it. She thought with three daugthers I would appreciate help with some free accessories. She also said that I had not made it explicitly clear not to fix y daughters hair. I left after telling her to never do it again and returned the stuff.
In the evening the neighbourhood children went trick or treating (those participating were informed it would last from (six to eight) I let my daughter go off and play with one of the other girls who wasn't trick or treating. At about seven I couldn't hear them. So, I went outside to check and they were not there. I asked one of the other children if they had seen her and they said Morton and Astrid had collected her in their car, and her friend had gone home. I asked next door to watch my other two while I ran with the baby to their place. When I arrived there they were having a party in the garden and my daughter was there. She had her hair done and she had a candy bag. She was also wearing the costume. So, in my anger I called the police before speaking to anyone and once I got off the call I called both of them pedos and everything under the sun in multiple languages. When the police arrived and I spoke to them we left.
Today at school her teacher was very short with me and said there was no need for that as Morton volunteers for the children's football club. Having a police report filed on him was not the wisest of choices. She explained that if I wasn't happy I should have asked for a mediation appointment at the school instead of embarassing Astrid and Morton in front of everyone. She also mentioned that it was her who helped my daughter change into the costume and it's not unusual for teachers to help their students change here (that part is partially true for this country). She said Astrid has been grieving and her behaviour is normal for someone who lost so many children one after the other, and not to make it harder on her as people have gossiped quite a bit about it. She said they didn't know they had crossed a line and it wouldn't happen again, so just drop the complaint at the police. On Friday I have to make a full statement at the police station. She wants me to cancel it as Astrid and Morton are not bad people and she thinks I should be glad someone else thinks this highly of my daughter. She wasn't harmed and she sees no reason for me being angry as the children all play in each others garden anyway. She said not to blow things out of proportion as at no point was my daughter alone with Morton.
AITAH for calling the police instead of mediation at the school as the first step because it was from a place of love and greif that they did this?
**Relevant comments**
>**sheneedsnoone:** Are you currently in Northern Norway? I can see the behaviour being more normalised in certain areas, but normalised isn't the same as cultural.
>
>Norway is a very "raising children takes a village" country, but that's family, close friends etc stepping in as and when needed. But there's definitely some areas where this kind of behaviour would be excused, and predatory behaviour in general would be excused by people that grew up with them, however I will also say as Norway is a low crime country compared to a lot of countries, you will get a lot of naive people there, even in the police. I would see what they say once your daughter has completed her interview, however once that has been done make a complaint to the commissioner in your police district, making sure to include that you fear for your child(ren)'s safety and the local police are not taking it seriously, despite these people taking your child to a different location, without even informing you, never mind with your permission.
>
>You can then complain nationally if the local commissioner doesn't do anything.
>
>I have my fingers crossed for you that they listen, but to be honest, I would not hold out much hope unfortunately.
>
>Edit to add:the people who are telling you that you are the problem, are part of the problem, and would most likely excuse/enable certain people in their own areas. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.
>
>**OP:** I am in the Southern part.
>
>I already mentioned what they have done and how scared I was. I also provided the text they sent me after I collected my daughter. It's strange because it's a safe country with no child abductions and murder yet this type of behaviour is excused. I learned that while my daughter was being changed Morton was present and although he didn't help with the clothes changing he did with her hair and pickd her up to take he downstairs to their garden. They changed her not in one of the bedrooms of the chidlren or the bathroom, but in their own room.
>
>The female police officer said nudity is not seen as bad here. It's normalised, but since when is it ok to undress someone elses child especially three adults are present while it's happening. It's almost like the female police officer was saying it's no big deal.
​
​
[AITAH for calling my neighbour pedos at the Hallovenn party UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/182buho/aitah_for_calling_my_neighbour_pedos_at_the/) \- **Nov 23, 2023**
Thank you for all the reassurances. It was helpful. A lot of people asked about an update and many DM'ed to see how it was going.
We filed a report at the police station and basically we were dismissed. We had two female officers on the first day, but a male police officer came in and offered us some water tried to do small talk. He is the ex of my daughter's teacher and told us as much. We had to do the report over two days as on the first day my daughter was too tired to relay all the details.
On the second appointment we had the two female police officers and her ex also joined us. It seemed like he had already talked to her teacher about it, but he denied it when I confronted him about it, citing confidentiality. I was told they would have a word with Astrid and Morton, but I doubt they took it seriously as all three kind of defended their actions. Wanting to know why I wouldn't let my daughter go to a party.
When we got home we had a knock on the door in the evening and it was Astrid and Morton. I didn't open the door.
On Saturday the 11th while my daughter was playing in the garden with my next door neighbours children she said Astrid was taking pictures of her from across the street. On the Sunday they came by again and kept knocking on the door, they said they knew I was inside and that they wanted to talk. I didn't open the door. I phoned the police and they said if they become violent call back. In the meantime just open the door and tell them you don't want to talk to them. I didn't and they left. They left a message in my postbox. It was a long message about how they felt connected to my daughter and how I should take better care of her. How they know how it feels like to lose a child and that they only want what is best for her.
On the 15th I kept my daughter from the school as she said that Astrid's son kept teasing her. Instead I spoke to the principal about the matter and explained that I needed this absence validated. I took my daughter to the store and I think maybe I was followed because not five minutes had gone by when Astrid walked in and "bumped" into me by the dairy section. She apologised and blocked me in with her cart because I tried to get away. She started talking to my daughter and tried to stroke my baby's hair. So, I screamed. That made her walk away from me.
The day after I found another note in my postbox telling me not to be so hysterical, and I have that saved. I phoned my husband to come home or find a reason to get home ASAP. On the 18th both Astrid and Morton confronted me in the park and wanted to know why I was keeping Julestjerne away from them due to a misunderstanding. I told them politely (Morton is a big guy and I am not as strong as him) that my husband was home (I lied). They walked away.
I phoned the police and gave them the latest evidence on the harassment but they said they would have a word with the two.
On Monday I attended a meeting with the principal and the teacher where she apologised, but she made it out that it was a misunderstanding. The principal was very nice and told the teacher to back off sternly and not to mix her professional life and private life. Astrid and Morton came by my house that evening, and while I was attending to the laundry in the basement they were talking to my girl in the garden and she let slip that her dad wasn't home yet. They gave her some cookies, but she threw them in the outside bin while they watched on.
On Tuesday they confronted us on the way to school and asked me why I lied about my husband, luckily I wasn't alone and one of the neighbour's on my street told them to back off. On the way back from picking her up at the end of the day we took a taxi home. In the evening they were banging on my door again and they had their sons with them. I called the police, but they only arrived after they had left.
I discussed it with my husband on the phone and he managed to get three days off, but he won't be home before this weekend as his workplace didn't see it as an emergency until yesterday's incident.
Yesterday they came by again while we were in the park. I was pre occupied with my son and I noticed a tap on my shoulder. It was Morton holding my daughter and he said I should take better care of her as she might walk into the road while my attention is elsewhere. He made it out as if she had run into the street, but my daughter denied it. I grabbed her and the other children and left and packed some stuff. I asked my next door to collect my post and hold onto it while I booked a hotel. She informed me that the postoffice will do it for free for 14 days, but that she will look out for my house and note if they come by again. Words gone round that they are being a bit weird about my daughter.
I have been staying in this hotel since and my husband is arranging ticket for us to visit my parents before the Christmas holidays. At this point I don't want to stay here anymore and my husband will have to ask for a transfer. I spoke to the principal and she said she would check in on my daughter in the morning and keep her at pick up time and I can pick her up from the office.
I haven't told the principal about our moving plans just in case she mentions it to another teacher, and it gets back to Astrid's friend. I hate lying, but feel that if I don't it may put us at risk. One of my neighbours on the other side of the street said both Astrid and Morton have mentioned that they suspect that I neglect my child, and that they tried to insinuate that maybe I was too overwhelmed with four little ones while my husband was offshore. She told them I wasn't and they have now moved onto another neighbour trying to badmouth me. It seems like they are recruiting witnesses/helpers. So, my neighbour said it's best best to keep documentation in case they call CPS on us, and to get a copy and confirmation from the police that there is bad blood between us.
My husband can deal with the paperwork and the aftermath, and join us when he can arrange a transfer, but I am not staying here anymore.
​
# ---- NEW UPDATE ----
[Final update AITAH for calling the police on my neighbours and calling the pedos](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18ijlra/final_update_aitah_for_calling_the_police_on_my/) \- **Dec 14, 2023**
A lot has happened in the last few days. I don't want to give too many details as this story has been leaked to other Social media without my approval. I also don't want Astrid and Morton to find this now that it's on several platforms.
I am at my parents. We are all safe now. My husband will be joining us in the new year once he sorts out his new assignment. I won't say what country we are in now as my husband said that Astrid came by the house under the guise of giving us Christmas cookies two days ago wondering why my daughter hadn't been at school. He told her politely to leave.
Before leaving I only told the prinicipal and not her teacher. Her principal understood and said it was her responsibility to relay that information to the class and the teacher.
Today she was at our place again asking him where she was as the principal told the class that my daughter was sad to leave them but we had moved (no other details given). She made her school friends drawings that were given to them. Sad as it is I don't want her to contact her friends in case they say something to the wrong person. My daughter will make new friends and hopefully won't miss her Norwegian friends too much.
I did tell two of my closest neighbours on the day I was leaving, but they were always on friendly terms with me and they were on my side all along. To be honest I dont' know where my husband might get sent next. For now we are all safe.
Thank you for all the support. I know I didn't reply to all but I had a lot going on. Please don't hold it against me.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
\*
>**aliencupcake**: It's disturbing that the community is ignoring how the couple is mourning their daughters' deaths in an extremely unhealthy way. I don't think there was a sexual aspect to their attention, but a plan to kidnap their son's "twin" seems extremely likely with the best case scenario being them inserting themselves as co-parents and the worst case scenario would be fostering/adopting her after framing you for neglect or straight out absconding with her at some point.
>
>I'm glad to hear that you and your family have gotten someplace safe where the couple and their friends can't reach you.
​
>**OOP**: I am glad that I am no longer there. The country is beautiful and the last time we lived in Norway was amazing.
>
>As for the coparenting thing. My husband told me that the CPS left a message with him that they hade recieved a bekymringsmelding (**Notice of Concern as per Deepl**). I managed to get out just in time. I didn't post this information as I only had a suspicion and didn't have all the details. My ex next door neighbour said that Astrid and Morton have been fosterparents in the past (prior to me moving there). Which is why she told them she thought I was an excellent mother when they tried to make it out that I was overwhelmed.
>
>They had a girl placed with them a few years ago, but for some reason it was a short term placement. My ex neighbour said that child look Pakistani/Indian and she thinks maybe they ended it themselves as she didn't look a certain way. This is all speculation as she doesn't know why it ended.
>
>**Dragan\_Rose:** This needs to be higher. And if you or someone you know and trust knows how to alter the location metadata, send your harassers on a global wild goose chase
\*
>**OOP**: I might just do that as the CPS left a messsage with my husband. They received a bekymringsmelding (**Notice of Concern as per Deepl**) about my children. Seems them trying to make me seem like an overworked and overwhelmed mother had an endgame.
​
>**KiyoMizu1996**: These people are scary. Did you get any details on what specifically they said to cps? They should have reports filed against them w cps as surely they are a danger to children! Thank goodness you were able to leave the country. Make sure you continue to keep records of their behavior as there’s no telling how far they will go.
​
>**OOP**: Yes, the CPS in Norway has to inform you who made the report and what the reason is in majority of cases.
>
>My husband their reason for reporting was: "overwhelmed mother neglectful of oldest daughter and leaving the baby alone in the park in a pram" (I have not once left my baby alone in the park, not even in our own garden like most Norwegians do), "child missing too many days off school" (the principal was aware of this), "children looking unkempt and unwashed" (never happened), "adult third party saying oldest girl being hit by mother at home" (I don't know who this third party is that has already agreed to lie on their behalf and there weren't any visitors in my house so don't know who is pretending I invited them over only to make them witness me hitting my child), "their son telling them that my daughter told him at school that I hit her, yanked her hair and made her skip food every other day" (my daughter denies this as she and her friends avoided him due to him calling her his twin), "mother seems to be struggling with depression as she too is unkempt, looks like she has lost a lot of weight and husband might be abusing her" (well considering that my husband was offshore I don't know how they were thinking of making that stick as that can be easily be disproved with his work travel receipts), "baby also looks malnourished" (no, baby is in the healthy percentile for age and gender weight).
>
>Considering that I have other children it's strange that they are fixating on the two blonde grey eyed ones and not the ginger one with blue eyes or my boy who is also very blonde and grey eyed like my husband. I am so happy I got away.
>
>My husband explained our side and told them they could check out his travel itinerary. Provided details of the principal and a copy of the police report and a rundown of what had happened between us.
>
>The CPS ladies that visited still wanted to see the children, but my husband declined saying they had left Norway for good and were not Norwegian citizens. They said they would get back to him. I am little scared they might find out where we are as one of them has the same last name as Morton with a slight spelling variation even though it's a common name.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster** | 5,093 | 2023-12-21T15:27:14 | [New Update] AITAH for calling the police on my neighbours and calling her and her husband pedos at their "Hallovenn" (yes, it is spelled correctly) party . | ONGOING | FlagpoleSitta87 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18npjmg/new_update_aitah_for_calling_the_police_on_my/ | false | false | [
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18ntqld | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Disastrous_Bank_8260 **in** r/relationship_advice and the user's own page.
mood spoilers: >!happy ending!<
[Family Friend (18F) and I (18M) started dating but our families are upset about it. We’re so confused](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/v407gv/family_friend_18f_and_i_18m_started_dating_but/) \- Jun 3 2022
So my now GF and I have known each other our entire lives. Our families have been friends for a long time now so we were always close. My GF and I had feelings for each other for a while but never acted on it until a few months ago. We secretly dated until 2 weeks ago when we went to Prom together. We thought everyone would think it was the coolest thing ever but they had the opposite reaction. They told us we weren’t allowed to date and that was that.
The only explanation we got is that it’s weird because we’re basically family. Which doesn’t make sense because we’re not related. We’re just so confused about why they’re acting like this. We’re not going to stop because we’re going away to college in a couple months, but it’s frustrating that they’re ruining this for us. Anyone have an idea why they’re doing this or how we can get them to change their minds?
​
[Update: Found out why our families don’t want us to date (18M and 18F)](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/v5fv5b/update_found_out_why_our_families_dont_want_us_to/) \- Jun 05 2022
There’s good news and there’s awful news. Good news is no incest here, we’re not related. Awful news is our parents are poly and basically a foursome. We were trying to get an answer out of our parents all day yesterday but they kept giving the same BS excuses. We called my gf’s older sister to see if she knew why they didn’t want us together. We knew she would try to help us because she definitely wanted us to be together. She caught the four of them together one time a few years ago and was told to keep it a secret. She told her grandparents about it and it caused a big fight that eventually got resolved.
We confronted our parents about it and they confirmed. It didn’t start until all 4 of their children were born so we’re definitely not related. We asked them what they expected us to do and they said break up so they could continue their relationship. They thought we had more of a brother/sister relationship and were surprised that it was actually romantic. Not really proud of it but we flipped out on them. I don’t have anything against the poly lifestyle but it’s weird when people you’re close to are into it. We told them it’s unfair of them to have a relationship that will be hidden forever while my Gf and I can’t have a public one. They said we were young and would probably break up one day so it’s better to end it now to keep peace in the family. We left and went to stay at her sister’s apartment.
Now what? Why does this have to be so complicated? We can’t just break up and pretend like nothing happened to please our parents. It’s also super hypocritical of them to use the “basically family” excuse at first while they are doing the same fucking thing. We’re so lost right now. What should we do?
TL;DR: Our parents are poly and want us to break up for their relationship to continue.
​
[Thanks!](https://www.reddit.com/user/Disastrous_Bank_8260/comments/v5nmiv/thanks/) \- Jun 06 2022
Post is locked now so we just wanted to say thanks. Been a crazy few days but reading these comments has been fun (sometimes scary) for us. Gonna continue this relationship and see where it goes.
​
[Quick Update on my Gf and I (couple with the poly parents)](https://www.reddit.com/user/Disastrous_Bank_8260/comments/vazfis/quick_update_on_my_gf_and_i_couple_with_the_poly/) \- Jun 13 2022
Hey thought I could give the followers a quick update on my Gf and I. I’ll post one last update after my gf and I move away for school.
So we both went home after school on Monday and told our parents that we would continue dating and that was final. They haven’t said anything about it since but we can tell it still bothers them. Like when I told my parents I was going with my Gf to a grad party yesterday, they just rolled their eyes at me. Oh well, the 2 of us are just having fun being together.
We graduated from high school on Friday! The best part about it was having our parents take pictures of the 2 of us. Next weekend is gonna be wild with my grad party on Saturday and hers on Sunday. Gonna be interesting to see what more extended family thinks of our relationship because they’re all friends too (yeah Christmas is a shit show). Like I said, I’ll post a final update on what happened in the summer and what college life is like. Thanks for the support, it’s been fun sharing our story so far!
​
[Update to GF and I (18F and 18M) with the poly parents](https://www.reddit.com/user/Disastrous_Bank_8260/comments/xgvf40/update_to_gf_and_i_18f_and_18m_with_the_poly/) \- Sep 18 2022
Hey hopefully someone remembers these posts! Can’t believe how fast the summer went. But I promised one more update when I got to school.
So early in the summer, we got more extended family reaction to our relationship. Remember this is 3 generations of family friendship (it’s fucking crazy lmao). And wouldn’t you know it, they had a normal reaction to 2 people who are happy together. We got a lot of “I knew it” or “It’s about time”. I guess we didn’t really hide our feelings for each other too well before we got together. Which makes the whole thing with our parents even more weird. Did they seriously not see this coming?
Speaking of those 4, they’re definitely not happy about us still but I think they’re starting to accept it. They did give us a gift before we moved away for school(more on that in a sec). It was concert tickets for our favorite band. The concert was 20 minutes from our school so it was good timing with our move-in. We were very grateful for the gift and hope that it was their way of showing that they have moved on.
School has been good so far. Kind of surreal that my GF and I have been talking about go to our school for years and now we’re actually living it. Living it as a couple too! And no we’re not living together, we’re not stupid. Even though her dorm is like a 5 minute walk from mine lol.
So yeah that’s pretty much it. Probably the last update unless something happens. Still thankful we’re not related because that would have been a life ruining discovery. Now we’re just gonna see where it goes and enjoy our lives. ✌️
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 4,145 | 2023-12-21T18:31:17 | Families do not want their kids to date for an unusual reason | CONCLUDED | peach_tea_drinker | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18ntqld/families_do_not_want_their_kids_to_date_for_an/ | false | false | [
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18o703a | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/geekylinds
**Originally posted to** r/offmychest
**I GOT INTO GRADUATE SCHOOL!**
Mood Spoilers: >!All ends well for OOP!!<
---
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/orkpzp/i_got_into_graduate_school/?share_id=Jaw30LC_cyLXZV6omI5Z4&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **July 25, 2021**
AHHHHH!!!
After applying to a BUNCH of masters psychology programs and getting rejected, on a whim I applied to my current college’s social work program (as i literally just wanna practice therapy/counseling)
I GOT ACCEPTED TODAY!!! IM STILL SHAKING AND CRYING AND IM DANCING AROUND MY ROOM WITH MY CAT. This year had been such dogshit after being dumped & receiving all of those rejection letters & losing friends & stress at work. BUT IT HAS ALL BEEN WORTH IT.
You’re looking at a future LCSW. (fingies crossed) I’m so excited. I’m so thankful for this university’s CoSW department for being so, so helpful throughout my application process. They gave real-time feedback to my letters of rec & written statements. Bless them 😭🎉 I’m gonna change the world, one human at a time. I’m gonna put all of the love in this little body into every client I have. I promise.
Edit: thank you for the silver?? ;o;
Edit 2: Wahhh thank you everyone 😭 I didn’t expect this reception. Thank you for allowing me to share my excitement with you and thank you, thank you, for your kind words. Don’t ever, EVER, let a rejection letter or anything hold you back from pursuing your goals. I believe in ALL of you. Never EVER stop reaching for the stars. 💚
edit 3 (maybe final edit): if you gave me an award or commented something nice i am kissing ur forehead (if you’re okay with that) no takebacksies :’) thank y’all for celebrating with me. i appreciate you internet strangers so much!! ╰(*´︶`)╯♡
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**PlatypusTickler:** Oof good luck, and hope you have a list of coping skills! Grad school is quite draining. Also make sure you have a supervisor during internship that cares.
>**OOP:** Thank you! I regularly go to therapy and have been practicing a lot with reminding myself to not hyperfocus on stress & only think about what I can do within the next minute/hour. Also practicing “some points are better than no points” for assignments!
**peraltiago44:** This makes so happy for you! It's my dream to get into a good Grad School to pursue my PhD in Clinical Psychology and then take the therapist route. Bravo OP! Congratulations :D
>**OOP:** That might be my next step after I get a little field experience as an LCSW! I might go for a PhD in social work. I know I wanna retire from therapy & stuff and teach college courses at some point. Good luck in your PhD journey!
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/18jcayj/update_i_graduated/?share_id=mpxmxrNfH472mtc4EmsPF&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **December 15, 2023 (2.5 years later!)**
Two years ago I posted about being accepted into my masters program in social work for licensed clinical social work. I made a promise to everyone on the thread to update when I graduated.
Well… I DID IT. After two-and-a-half years of tough work at technically an overload of courses for a grad program, a surgery, new meds, and many tears, I made it. I walked across that stage BAWLING my eyes out. My friends and family and amazing wonderful partner cheered me on from the crowd small winter commencement crowd. I’m officially OP, MSW!!
Then two hours later I watched my sister get her bachelors in nursing. It was a very big day in our family. I have very rarely seen my dad cry, and today was one of those rare moments. We are the first in our immediate family to attain degrees. Whew. What an amazing day to be alive.
I am now home after an eventful day to once again dance around the room with my precious cat and my partner. They’re both troopers for listening to me recite stuff to study! Kittyboy is now an honorary MSW, since he knows just as much as I do.
now to find a job and pay back my loans :’)
**OOP HAS APPEARED IN THE THREAD AND HAS PROVIDED MORE DETAILS. HAS GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO ADD IN.**
>**OOP:** someone messaged me to let me know my post made it here as an update. y’all… thank you so much. Graduate school was hard as hell, but I want to further share with you that I graduated (officially) with… A 4.0!
>
>Thank you all so much for allowing me to share my joy with you. It warms my heart so much that y’all have found hope and joy and encouragement in my words. Please carry this hope and joy with you, wherever you go, whenever you need it.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 1,874 | 2023-12-22T05:00:25 | I GOT INTO GRADUATE SCHOOL! | CONCLUDED | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18o703a/i_got_into_graduate_school/ | false | false | [
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18o704v | **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Ignisaurus](https://new.reddit.com/user/Ignisaurus/). He posted in r/AITAH.
Thank you to u/MajesticAdvantage0 for the recommendation!
**Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating but hopefully OOP will be ok!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/182x03e/aitah_for_ignoring_my_sister_and_threatening_to/)**: November 24, 2023**
My (23M) younger sister (15F) is currently on her phase where she thinks she's the most unique and special person in the world. Because of this, she's also developed some sort of superiority complex against other people's hobbies and especially if she doesn't like them.
The problem started when she started using the word "incel" to insult me and my hobbies out of nowhere. She seemed to notice that this word hurts and disturbs me, so she keeps calling me an incel just to illicit a reaction from me.
I'm playing a video game? I'm an incel.
I'm watching anime? I'm an incel.
I'm building a Gundam? I'm an incel.
I've talked to her about it and asked her if she knows the meaning. She knows it perfectly well and she thinks that I fit the description well. I asked her why she thinks so and she tells me that she "just knows that I'm an incel."
Because of that, I've just been ignoring her. This seems to piss her off because she began to annoy me on another level such as pulling my headphones off just to call me an incel and even just using incel as a general nickname for me.
I talked to my parents last night and told them that, if they don't do anything about her behavior towards me, then I will move out of the house.
My dad and I pay 50/50 for everything because his salary alone can't sustain all of the bills. My mom is a volunteer worker in an animal shelter and refuses to seek a job because we come from a culture where men are expected to be the sole providers.
My mom justifies my sister's behavior as just being a "typical teenager" and is begging me to be more understanding because I'm the older and more mature one. My dad, on the other hand, knew that I was serious and agreed that they need to punish my sister.
I don't like ultimatums, but I feel like I don't have other choices anymore. I don't want to yell at my sister or even fight with her because I know that it will simply make her attitude worse towards me.
***There is no consensus bot for AITAH, but the top comments were all NTA***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18fxbkl/update_aitah_for_ignoring_my_sister_and/)**: December 11, 2023 (about 3 weeks later)**
Shortly after I gave my ultimatum, my dad punished my sister by taking away everything that I paid for her like her laptop, her phone, her pc, and her Switch. He told her that "this is your life without your brother" and basically stored them away somewhere that even I don't know.
Since then, my sister became even more aggressive towards me. She calls me "daddy's boy", "snitch", " coward", and many other names whenever we pass by each other both in public and at home. She even started to throw things at me unprovoked even when I'm not looking (they were "soft" things like towels, socks, stuffed toys, or handkerchiefs, but still...).
My mom keeps making excuses for her and even freaking consoled her when she was crying over her things being taken away. That was when I fully realized and accepted that she was mom's favorite.
When I finally told my dad that I wanted to move out, he was understanding. He kept apologizing to me for not doing anything earlier because he was always at work. He's now making up to me by helping me look for an affordable renting space.
My mom, on the other hand, didn't take it very well. She's extremely cold to me now. She told me that I'm "abandoning" her. According to my dad, she cries every night because she can't accept the fact that I'm moving out.
For now, I'm temporarily staying with a kind friend. My dad encouraged me to detach myself from my mom and my sister as soon as possible when I told him that she started to throw stuff at me.
I don't think I would be having any sort of relationship with my mom or my sister anytime in the future. I do feel really bad for my dad for having to deal with my mom and my sister alone.
Thank you for the kind comments in my original post. This is probably the last time that I will talk about this issue.
***Relevant Comments:***
*Can you ask your dad for the stuff you paid for so you can sell it?*
"I told my dad that he can give back the things I bought for her only if she shows real remorse or genuinely apologizes to me. If nothing changes until January 1, then I might take you up on your advice and just keep everything to myself or sell them.
My dad's being a real champ right now for wanting to pay for the first two month's worth of rent despite me telling that he doesn't need to (I have my own savings, after all). He feels really guilty for not being able to notice my sister's behavior towards me for so long and he thinks that it's the least he could do for me."
*Your dad needs a divorce:*
"I'd be happy if he could. Unfortunately, divorce isn't legal in the Philippines so he's basically stuck with my mom for the remainder of his life."
*In response to a now deleted comment (the following two comments provide some more information on OOP, which is why I'm including them even though they are in response to heavily downvoted comments)*
"I live in the Philippines where even up to 5 generations of families live under one roof. In fact, it's EXPECTED for children to take care of and financially support their parents and their grandparents as soon as they have their own jobs. Therefore, me living with my parents at my age is the most normal thing in my culture.
And I don't pay "rent". It's our house. I don't " rent" there. I pay for all the bills (since I have a bigger salary than my dad) while my dad buys all the groceries. My mom does not work and she doesn't want to work.
I still respect my mom despite her obvious favoritism towards my sister. She's still my mother, after all. My sister? Not anymore.
Also, I truly hope you have very "sophisticated", " manly" and "adult-like" hobbies because you keep insulting the things I like to do."
*One more comment from OOP in response to a now deleted comment:*
"I'm a teacher, so teenagers being pieces of crap everyday are normal to me. However, I don't want the same behavior in my own home. I don't want to deal with the same teenage tantrums that I've been dealing with at work, especially when I'm trying to rest or just minding my own business.
At school, I have some sort of authority over the teens that I'm handling. I can call their parents, the guidance counselor, or anyone who could correct their behavior.
But at home? I don't have that same authority. I'm just her brother. I can't force her to behave and my mom doesn't do anything to correct her behavior either.
I've had a heart-to-heart talk with my mom and she thinks that my sister is innocent. She thinks that my sister is just "joking". She genuinely doesn't think she needs to discipline my sister.
I get that siblings being annoying are normal, however my sister (as well as many other teenagers) is old enough to know that her actions have consequences. Not only that, but her words can ruin me and my career.
I work at the same school my sister is enrolled in (I'm considering transferring to another school). What if she calls me an incel in front of my students? What if she spreads false rumors about me "abusing" her if I ever discipline her? What if she tells people that I force her to do things against her will? Do you know how devastating that could be for me?"
*How many years does sis have left at this school? Maybe look into a transfer...*
"Thankfully, she only has until May/June until she has to move to a different school for Senior High.
Despite the small timeframe, I'm still considering being transferred to another school."
**Editor's note:** marked as concluded as OOP has indicated he does not plan to post about the issue anymore, and because he is no longer in the house. | 4,556 | 2023-12-22T05:00:28 | AITAH for ignoring my sister and threatening to move out because she keeps calling me an incel? | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18o704v/aitah_for_ignoring_my_sister_and_threatening_to/ | false | false | [
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18o7096 | **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ranchwrangler239](https://www.reddit.com/user/ranchwrangler239/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole
**Mood Spoiler:** >!positive ending!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17togz2/aita_for_telling_my_brother_if_hes_going_to_be/)**: November 12, 2023**
I (31F) and my husband (29M) got married a week ago. Yay!
I spent 2 years planning my wedding and everything was great except for my brother’s (36M) tardiness with every event he came to.
For context: my brother and I don’t get along. Never have. I only invited him for my parents. Also, I was adopted so he’s not biologically related to me. He’s always late and in the past we’ve had to tell him an event was 2 hours earlier than it really was so he would be on time. He was late to my high school and college graduation and missed me walk both times.
When I was sending invitations, I put an extra note in his that read as follows “I know mom, dad, and I would love for you to attend, but if you’re going to be late, don’t bother showing up. Your girlfriend and her daughter are welcome to attend with or without you.”
He called me for the first time in years and cussed me out for the note. I held my ground and said I would still appreciate him coming to the wedding but I note allow to interrupt the ceremony by being late. He then called my parents and yelled at them as well. They said it was my wedding and they stood by my decision.
He came to the wedding. But he walked in as I was walking down the aisle and walked past me to his seat. I was horrified and embarrassed and mad. I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling in the moment but it was a mixture of things. After the ceremony, my dad and my biological father (who I’ve become close with over the years since I met him) both spoke to my brother about how that was inappropriate and rude. My brother didn’t care and asked where the bar was. He was forced to leave.
AITA?
***Relevant Comments:***
*WHY do you still allow him in your life when he's clearly not interested? There's late and then there's WALKING DOWN THE AISLE AT A WEDDING:*
"It’s one of the many reasons we don’t get along. He blames me ruining his single kid fantasy because our parents chose to adopt me. My dad is attorney and heard about my situation when I was 6 and adopted me. He said I ruined his life."
*Do your parents know this?*
"No. I never told them. I don’t want to feel like they have to choose between their kids. My brother \[likes\] to remind that he’s THEIR son. I’m not their daughter. Just some kid they took pity on. But I never saw it that way."
*His loss:*
"Thank you. He treats me like this then asks to use my equipment (I own a cattle ranch) when his isn’t working. I’ve never loaned it out because I don’t trust it to come back working."
"He wants to be my brother when he wants to use my shooting range or my 4wheeler. I’ve never let him onto the ranch. He’s never even seen my house. My daughter is afraid of him honestly."
*Why did you invite him at all, especially if your daughter is afraid of him?*
"She was only there to be the flower girl. She autistic and gets overwhelmed easily, so as soon as she was done walking the aisle she was taken home."
"I only invited him because my parents said would the photos with the whole family would be nice."
*Were his gf and child already there or did they walk in with him?*
"They were already seated and it caused a huge argument between them because she called me and apologized after profusely apologizing all night at the reception. My brother also thought my wedding was tacky and hick because the reception was a in a barn."
*Who made him leave?*
"My dad and bio dad. My uncle helped escort him out. Basically 3 out of the 4 most important men. My husband was busy showing me off."
*Did you get photos?*
"He was kicked out before photos were taken. And the photographers stopped taking photos when he walked in so the shots weren’t ruined."
*Honeymoon and moving forward:*
"My parents are taking my brother out to dinner next weekend to discuss his behavior since my husband and I are on our honeymoon for the next 3 weeks. We’re taking my daughter with us because I don’t want to inconvenience my parents or ask one of my ranch-hands wives to watch her. We decided on a Disney honeymoon so my (our) daughter can have a good time and a Disney cast member can watch her when we want some alone time."
"I decided to host Christmas at my ranch and told my parents he is not welcome. If he tries to show up my ranch hands will be taking shifts as security so they and their families can also enjoy the night. They weren’t at my wedding. A regret I have. I know all of them (Carter specifically) would’ve started a fight about it."
***OOP is voted NTA***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17xv7a6/aita_for_leaving_an_extra_note_in_my_brothers/)**: November 17, 2023 (5 days later)**
As a lot of people in the comments on the original post said, I told my parents everything: how my brother has told me that I ruined his single child fantasy, how my parents pitied me and that’s why they adopted me, how I’ll never be a member of the family etc. I also told them that if I host any events at my home/ranch (I will be hosting Christmas this year since I have the space for the whole family: biological and adopted), my brother will not be invited. I do not want him in my life anymore. The event at my wedding was the final straw. I will be civil if we see each other at family functions that I am not hosting, but I will not be in contact with him anymore unless there is an emergency with our parents.
My parents support and understand my position. I told them that this is not me making making them choose between us and this is just me drawing a line in the sand and setting a boundary. I love my parents. They saved me from a horrible situation and gave me the best life I could have hoped for. If not for them, I wouldn’t have my beautiful daughter, wouldn’t have met my husband, or have my amazing ranch.
My ranch hands, Lloyd in particular, said that if my brother ever attempted to come onto the ranch without my knowledge, they would boot him fast. Of course his wife and daughter are welcome anytime. I want to thank everyone for the support and kind comments and helping me see that he does not treat me like family and I should stop trying to extend the olive branch since he keeps burning it.
**Editor's Note:** for clarity's sake (and at the suggestion of a few commenters because it's causing some confusion)- all people-facing Disney staff are called 'cast members'. That's just their name, but it does not necessarily mean they are performers. Disney also has child care at their parks and cruises. | 6,444 | 2023-12-22T05:00:38 | AITA for telling my brother if he’s going to be late, don’t show up? | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18o7096/aita_for_telling_my_brother_if_hes_going_to_be/ | false | false | [
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18o70o3 | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/lyricallyme
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
**AITAH 27f for not wanting to share my final notes with my nursing classmates?**
Trigger Warnings: >!exploitation!<
---
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18fweuo/aitah_27f_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_final_notes/?share_id=rg_vxj5lVZt9Lo833huIa&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Dec 11, 2023**
Hey all,
So I am in an accelerated nursing program. We are set to graduate actually this week, but I’m not doing too well in my MedSurg class, and most likely will not be graduating until April if i have to retake this class.
Now, basically for the entire year, there are a few classmates of mine, one in particular, who always asked me to send her my notes for some of our classes to study before an exam. I take a lot of time creating these notes. (Reading the text book, watching videos, rescinding the professors lectures). At first I did not mind sending. Until I realize that majority of the classmates had my notes. the one girl I sent my notes to was sending to other people. before our last exam, I looked over at a classmate who I did not send my notes to, and she had my notes printed out, studying from them before the exam.
I didn’t mind sharing my notes because I felt as if we were all working together to pass. That is until I started failing MedSurg. I guess there are tips and tricks and resources online that the class has found and are just not sharing with everyone. So I feel a way because I feel like I’ve been helping so many people and I’ve asked for help but haven’t received it. No one owes me anything and I understand why people don’t like to share the resources they have because they might get in trouble or they worry the professor might finding and change the exams but I feel bitter now. We have a final tomorrow and several people have been asking me to send them my notes for our pediatric final.
I just don’t want to send them because I feel like I’ve been helping you all are year and when I needed help no one responded. People have literally told me they are only passing the class because of my notes.
AITAH for not sharing my notes for the final?
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18gvhx2/update_aitah_27f_i_didnt_share_my_notes_with_my/) - **December 12, 2023**
Hey all, So I believe it was yesterday that I’ve posted on this group about how I am currently failing my MedSurg two class which I still am lol our final for that class isn’t until Thursday. There are a couple girls who usually rely on me to send them notes for our classes before exams and I never had an issue until I realized that my notes were being sent to people that I didn’t send them to .
Still, this didn’t bother me until I reached out looking for help pertaining to our MedSurg class because everyone is passing except for me. When I reached out, I got very broad responses as to how they are studying and what resources they are using to get good grades.
I felt a way about this because I feel like all semester or even all year. I’ve been kind enough to share my notes before exams for them to study and they have been doing well now that I need help no one wanted to help I guess they didn’t want to jeopardize the resources they have, which is fine.
I decided to not share my notes this time around before our pediatrics final. It seems as if people were not reading or even studying for the class. They were only relying on my notes. We took our pediatrics final today, and I got a 96.
The group of girls who usually use my notes to study failed, and three of them even got caught cheating using CHATGPT and are now this dismissed from the program. mind you we only have two more days until the semester is over and we are supposed to be getting pinned for graduation
This final was worth 30% of our grade and a few of them were already sitting at around 77%, failing brought them down below a 75 which is passing for my program. I kind of feel bad because I knew they relied on my notes but I also don’t feel bad bc I asked for help and no one helped me. AITAH for not giving them my notes? I feel like I let them fail.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**Ok-Entertainment1123:** NTA but how was OP not doing well yet those who using her notes were doing better? And then, when she doesnt share her notes, she crushes with 96 and everyone else goes to shit?
>**OP:** Two different classes. I’ve always done well in Pediatrics, pediatrics is the class I would share my notes in. I am not doing well in Med Surge, the ladies I was sharing my notes with for pediatrics are doing well in med surge. I asked for studying tips for the medsurge class since I was helping them with pediatrics.
**No_Albatross4710:** NTA.
Getting into nursing school was very competitive. I’m surprised they would jeopardize their program by cheating. I’m also confused how they could be doing well in med/surg and failing peds and vice versa for the OP as it’s literally the same technique. Study notes, read text book, care plans, clinical, etc. the grade shouldn’t variate that much.
>**OP:** Our peds exams are pretty straight forward & it also helps that our professor is a great lecturer who holds study sessions for those who are stuggling in certain topics, I join all sessions regusrdless on how well I think I’ve grasped the topic.
>
>Our med surg class is more critical thinking, less of what you actually know. You need to know how to apply the info. Not to throw my professor under the bus but half of our cohort is failing her class which is a common trend for her class in particular. Most people passing have had to use resources like quizlet or buy simple nursing packages/subscriptions to grasp the material because she doesn’t do too well teaching. Keep in mind this is an accelerated program completed over 11 months, most of us have no clinical background so we lack & aren’t taught the critical thinking aspect of nursing. Kinda have to teach ourselves
**Gayrub:** Quick question. How did they know they used ChatGPT?
>**OP:** Our exams are done online through ATI. We take them in our classroom & are proctored/watched by our professors. They walk around and look at our screens. Once a test is started the ATI software basically locks your screen so that you can’t defer away from the test (to try to use other tabs/look up answers). I guess as our Dean was walking around looking at our computer screens she caught a few of them using chatgpt im not sure how it works but I heard it’s a small chat box that appears on the screen. I don’t think the ATI software flags it during exams.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 1,903 | 2023-12-22T05:01:10 | AITAH 27f for not wanting to share my final notes with my nursing classmates? | ONGOING | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18o70o3/aitah_27f_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_final_notes/ | false | false | [
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18o7175 | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/MotherNerd
**I [25 F] am expected to take my husband and son [4] to my father's family Christmas party tonight. My mother makes me miserable every year during this party.**
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!manipulation, controlling behavior, verbal child abuse and parental alienation!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/yBfxWKDiEq) **Dec 21, 2015**
For whatever reason my mother has always felt the need to show off in front of my father's family. This frequently results in her throwing me under the bus if it will make her look better or more important. She constantly talks over me or for me in front of them, takes things out of my hands, lies about things I have or have not done, ect.
This got significantly worse after the birth of my son. During the annual Christmas party she has ripped him out of my hands, pushed me to the side when he's gotten upset for any reason, undermines me if I need to discipline him while there, ect. She prepared his plates of food, changed his diapers, ect. Now my husband and I own our own house, pay our own bills, and raise our son together, yet my father's side of the family believes that I am a deadbeat mother that doesn't take care of their child because of the show my own mother puts on every year. My father's side of the family has very little to do with me because of this and I only see them during the Holidays.
I absolutely do not want to go and live through this again this year. My anxiety is through the roof stressing out over it and all I've heard for the past several days, from my mother, is that my father will be crushed if I refuse to spend time with his family. I love my father and don't want to hurt or disappoint him, but every year I leave the party on the verge of tears from anger and humiliation at the hands of my mother. My mother has also been talking it up to my son and getting him excited to go to 'get a present' and I don't want him to think he's being punished if we don't go.
My husband has said the decision whether to go or not is completely up to me. This would be his first year attending, as his work schedule conflicted with the party in the past.
I could really use some advice if anyone has been in a similar situation. I know that I don't want to go, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do or if I should just suck it up and deal with it again.
**tl;dr**: Mother humiliates me every year at Christmas party, makes me out to be a terrible mother. She is guilt tripping me into going and bribing my son to go.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/6L9QsI3i3a) **Dec 21, 2015**
After reading all of your advice and talking with my husband more I decided that you all were right and that I had to stand up to my mother and put my foot down.
She showed up at our house right at the time we were supposed to be leaving for the party. I told her that I wasn't doing it this year and we weren't going.
She got down on her knees, eye level with my son and told him that I wouldn't let him go to the party where there would be presents, other kids to play with and Santa. He said, "That's awfully mean of mommy." and burst into tears. I was beyond livid. I told her that was an extremely inappropriate thing to do to a 4 year old. She handed my son an icecream that she had brought for him and told me, on her way out the door, that choosing not to go to the party for my father was a big mistake.
Had to console my son and try to explain to him that grandma had done something wrong and that he was not in trouble, but at least we didn't go to the damn party.
A serious conversation with my parents will be had and her behavior will change or she will see significantly reduced contact with us.
TLDR: My mother made my son cry and royally pissed me off, but we didn't go to the damn party.
EDIT: Wow, this really blew up overnight. It would take me forever to address each comment so I'll do a bit up here.
In regards to consoling my son after the incident, my husband and I sat down with him and told him very plainly that what Grandma had done was very wrong. We told him that she had hurt him in order to hurt me and that's what's going on between Grandma and me is not his fault. We stressed that he was not in trouble. Then we spent the rest of the evening playing games, having snacks and doing our own little party. He will be attending a Christmas party with my husband's family in a few days. This by no means fixes the damage my mother caused, but we are trying and will continue to try.
My father was absent, sitting in the car, during this exchange, as he usually is. He works late hours, and when he's home he's asleep. I suspect this is his way to avoid my mother, but it makes it very difficult for me to talk to him without her there as well.
For those of you saying 'no contact', at this time no contact is not possible. The house we own is several towns over. We listed it for sale when my husband got a new job, as that house is too far of a commute for him. For now we are living in a place owned by my parents while trying to sell our house. I can't forbid her from coming onto her own property. As of today we are looking at apartments to move into after the first of the year until the house sells. Once the house sells, we will be putting about an hour's drive between us and my mother. It's not as far as I would like to go, but we still want to remain within a reasonable distance to my mother-in-law. Unless something drastic changes between now and our move, no contact will go into effect at that time. In the mean time, she will not have any alone time at all with my son.
My husband only witnessed the very end of the 'conversation' yesterday and was beyond furious when I filled him in after she left. We went through a similar situation with his father. His father has been in 'no contact' for over a year now, so my husband knows exactly what I'm going through and is being fantastic.
Last night was extreme, even for her. She has a very overbearing personality and acts like a spoiled child, but she does not openly manipulate on a regular basis and this was the first time she intentionally made my son cry as a means to control me. This by no means is an attempt to excuse her actions, what she did was disgusting and cannot be allowed to happen again. Some of you, however, have gotten the impression that I passively stand by and let this happen on a daily basis. I most certainly do not.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**royalic**
>Just to kind of rub away that bad memory for your son, have you thought about taking over to see a mall Santa? The good ones are really nice and will reassure him that he'll be getting presents. Just in case he's dwelling on missing out on Santa. Your mom sounds horrible, I wouldn't let any kids be alone with her.
**OOP**
>>He's already been to see Santa twice this year, and received a letter in the mail from him. Thankfully this party wasn't meant to be his big Santa trip. We'll definitely 'mail' him another letter to let him know at the very least. If it still seems to bother him, then I'm sure we can make a trip to the mall. Overriding that bad memory with a better reassuring one is really good advice!
*
**moussey**
>Your mother's actions are iiiiinnnnsane, not to mention inexcusable. Are you too stunned to even process them, or are you just used to this kind of behavior from her? Because it's not normal, it's not acceptable, and for your son's sake I would cut her right out.
**OOP**
>>I'm fairly used to this kind of show from her, though this was exceptionally nasty. More often than not she's fine, although overbearing, but every once in awhile she goes way too far.
>>I thought this kind of relationship was pretty normal until I met my mother-in-law and realized that not all moms focus on guilt trips.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 3,368 | 2023-12-22T05:01:53 | I [25 F] am expected to take my husband and son [4] to my father's family Christmas party tonight. My mother makes me miserable every year during this party. | INCONCLUSIVE | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18o7175/i_25_f_am_expected_to_take_my_husband_and_son_4/ | false | false | [
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18o71xy | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/seasidebee
**My (22F) boyfriend (28M) plans on seeing his ex (30F) and her dog for Christmas**
**Originally posted** r/amiwrong
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!manipulation, acephobia, sick dog!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/mbelwKRK6k) **Nov 9, 2023**
My (22F) boyfriend (28M) have been seeing each other for about 6 months and with the holidays approaching we have been discussing our plans.
Some background, he and his ex (30F) dated for about 4 years and moved to our small town together before amicably breaking up. His ex had a dog which he really grew to love during their relationship, he still sees his ex and the dog frequently to go for walks and catch up. They also message each other about the dog quite often. My boyfriend and I have had discussions about how I feel uncomfortable with the amount of contact between him and his ex and it has (to my knowledge) lessened since. The dog is like a child to them which is something that I can't really understand (more of a cat person) so I wouldn't want to "ban" him from seeing or hearing about the dog ever again.
The dog's birthday happens to fall on Christmas and when we were discussing our potential plans he said that if we didn't end up spending the holiday together he would probably go for a walk with his ex and the dog to celebrate as it might be the dog's last birthday. I found this strange, but also understandable since his family doesn't live in our town and he doesn't go home for the holidays due to work. My family live here and I will be more than likely spending the entirety of Christmas day with them, so it's not likely that we'll be spending time together.
Obviously, an easy solution is for us to to go to these family events together, which is something I'm not opposed to, but still find it strange that he would spend the day with his ex and the dog if I did my own thing.
Am I overreacting or is this strange?
TLDR: My boyfriend still sees his ex and her dog and will more than likely spend Christmas together if we don't have plans.
**theAmericanStranger**
>>"Obviously, an easy solution is for us to to go to these family events together, which is something I'm not opposed to"
>INFO - Why exactly is he not invited to Christmas at your family with you? If you're going to be the entire Christmas day with your family without him, what exactly do you expect him to do?
**OOP**
>>He hasn’t met my family yet and it feels intense to introduce him to everyone at a large family event.
>>He often does solo camping trips to national parks when I’m busy with work so I sort of assumed that would be his plan for Christmas if we didn’t spend time together.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/uCWcB58fTd) **Dec 3, 2023**
Thought I would provide a small (and relatively mundane) update to my last post.
After reading through the responses I came to the conclusion that the reasonable thing to do was talk to my boyfriend about the ex and the dog and let him know how I was feeling. Sorry to disappoint those who thought that the best way forward was to break up, but kudos to those who suspected there was something going on.
We talked about how it was a bit strange that he and his ex would catch up and talk on these walks. Even though he insisted it was only about the dog, I disagreed and brought up other times he and his ex have discussed things (I'm aware of this because he would tell me when he gets home). I did bring up the Reddit post and he felt like her being asexual was a huge thing to factor in. I explained that her being asexual made things worse because their relationship was still sort of the same as it was when they were together. He agreed and said that it was wrong and that he would discuss picking the dog up for walks and not seeing the dog on Christmas.
Long story short, he messaged his ex saying that they should only be in contact about the dog and she did not react well. She got very upset and blocked him on everything. She texted him a couple of days after asking him to grab a few things that he had at her house (he lives in an apartment and doesn't really have anywhere to store his camping stuff, she offered to let him keep it at her house). She also said that she won't message him anymore because she doesn't want to make "his new girlfriend" uncomfortable and that if he wants updates about the dog he will have to reach out to her. He hasn't messaged her since. I have my suspicions that she still had feelings for him and was kind of hoping that they would get back together.
My boyfriend is really upset that he won't be able to see the dog anymore but he's also come to terms with it and knows that the dog is getting the best care possible. We made plans for Christmas and he's started to slowly meet my family.
To clarify a few things from my last post, no I genuinely don't think he was/ is cheating on me. Like I said, he works away and when he's back we spend most of our free time together. When he's away we keep in touch, facetime phone calls, etc. Him not attending my family Christmas events was something that we discussed together and he was okay with it as he knows my family can be a bit intense. Reading through a few of the comments did make me realise that I would be hurt if he asked the same of me, and then get upset if I made other plans. And lastly, no I wasn't going to break up with him without having a proper conversation about it all, he's pretty much perfect (excluding the complicated ex and dog).
TLDR: Spoke to my boyfriend about my feelings, he wanted to only discuss the dog with his ex and she cut contact. I think she still has feelings for him. We're still very much together and have plans for Christmas with just the two of us as he slowly is introduced to my family :)
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 2,607 | 2023-12-22T05:03:05 | My (22F) boyfriend (28M) plans on seeing his ex (30F) and her dog for Christmas | CONCLUDED | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18o71xy/my_22f_boyfriend_28m_plans_on_seeing_his_ex_30f/ | false | false | [
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18oy4op | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/justathrowaway282641
**Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes and her own page
[Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18bweb8/my_family_forgot_to_invite_me_to_my_grandparents/)
**NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** ----
**My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.**
Trigger Warnings: >!death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting!<
---
**RECAP**
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/17v4okn/my_family_forgot_to_invite_me_to_my_grandparents/?share_id=y0q2RzEoLKlOopZAe-Xxd&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Nov 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**teaandtomes:** Yeah- they know they messed up big time and don't want to admit it. But they created this narrative to make themselves look/feel better and now have pushed it so hard that friends and the community are in on it. They might even believe it themselves at this point- it can happen. I agree with your husband. Take a break and decide what is best for you going forward (IOW, what can you live with and how much do you want them in your life given the gaslighting). So sorry- families can be difficult, especially with self-created drama.
>**OP:** That's kinda our thoughts. That they forgot, and don't want to lose face in the community. And now they've dug themselves in too deep to get out. If they truly do believe it, it scares me that they've all agreed to this delusion.
**squarziz:** I feel like I need more info but not even sure what to ask. However to me it sounds intentional they didn't invite you, and were maybe hoping this would make you want to move home again so you don't 'forget' anymore family events? If anyone said something like 'well if you lived in town you would have known ' then that's the answer. It would also make me want to find out how everyone else was told about said funeral. Were they called? Texted? Emailed? Told at 4th of July? Maybe if everyone else was invited in person they did just forget to invite you, but even that he would seem kind of like a stretch if you do go back visit and call as much as you say.
>**OP:** I thought this at first, but it just seems so cruel and unlike them. They like where I live. Say it's nice and occasionally visit. I don't know how the event was organized, but I'm guessing word of mouth. Like I said, I was there just a few days earlier. We had a big meal and set off fireworks. Hubby and I had taken the 5th off and we left that evening after a lovely dinner and some board games. We talk all the time on the phone. My step mom calls me almost every night. Used to anyway. It's been a weird few weeks not talking to them. I get home from work, and start automatically pulling up someone to call, and then I remember. I usually talk to my dad every Sunday morning while we drink our coffee. Not having him call this week had me sitting outside in my usual spot and just...sitting? I don't know how to describe it. Felt kinda numb and weird. Hubby's been working on cheering me up. He's so angry at this whole thing. I'm afraid he's gonna just leave one morning, drive over there, and start knocking heads around.
**tropicsandcaffeine:** The majority of the people if pressed would not remember you there. They just think that because no one remembers who is at a funeral. You are being gaslight by your parents. They do not want to admit their mistake. Just stay home and enjoy your own time.
If anyone says anything tell them you can provide proof you were geographically elsewhere. There is no reason for you to lie. And ask them for proof you were there. Photos. Standing up to talk. Anything. They will not be able to do so.
>**OP:** I asked for photos. They sent me the one we took on the 4th of July a few days prior. When I pointed out the sparklers the neighbor kids had in the background, step dad just got testy about it. Now they've all just stopped responding to any of my messages and requests for proof, or my presenting of proof.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/justathrowaway282641/comments/1853au1/update_to_my_family_forgot_about_me_for_a_funeral/) - **Nov 27, 2023**
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.
---
# ---- NEW UPDATES ----
[Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/user/justathrowaway282641/comments/18gv23d/update_1212/) - **December 12, 2023**
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**CHA0T1CNeutra1:** I'm curious, was your dad also gaslighting you about the funeral? In your other posts it sounded like it was your mom's side.
> **OP:** Yes, dad was as well. Mom and step-mom were the ones doing most of the talking, but dad was on their side and pushing the same narrative. That being said, I think he'll be the first to "break", for lack of a better word. He's already texted me a few pictures and "good morning" type texts since our call. Tomorrow's Sunday, and I feel as though he'll call again. I hope he does, but also kinda don't. It's a weird feeling. No one else has reached out.
[Inheritance](https://www.reddit.com/user/justathrowaway282641/comments/18kaeky/inheritance/) – **December 16, 2023**
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.
----
**DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED**
**SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED**
# ---- NEW UPDATES ----
[Christmas](https://www.reddit.com/user/justathrowaway282641/comments/18quba2/christmas/) - **December 25, 2023**
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.
[Brother’s call](https://www.reddit.com/user/justathrowaway282641/comments/18rdbvx/brothers_call/) - **December 26, 2023**
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP** | 5,277 | 2023-12-23T05:00:12 | [New Update] - My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there. | NEW UPDATE | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18oy4op/new_update_my_family_forgot_to_invite_me_to_my/ | false | false | [
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18oy4wu | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA2play
**Wife’s relationship with a couple has taken a bad turn**
**Originally posted to** r/nonmonogamy
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Sex by deception, manipulation, attempted isolation!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/OKlI34InKG) **Dec 6,2023**
So I(28M) and my wife Gwen(29F) met 5 years ago at a munch and really connected, lust at first sight, dated for a year and when she got a job offer in another city I asked her to marry me and stay. She stayed but wanted an open relationship because she was bi, we opened up six months later and got married soon after. We both date separately, I have a couple of FWBs and she has a girlfriend who I adore. Last year she started dating a couple M/F, Tom and Cathy, they do an overnight every other weekend or so, the two girls are super close and her husband plays with them sometimes.
Last month they told Gwen they are hosting a Kink event and wanted her to attend, they really built it up as a large event and got her pumped up. She came home and was telling me everything about it and I expressed a desire to go with her as we have been getting into different things lately. She was talking to Cathy and mentioned we were looking forward to attending and was asking more questions. Towards the end of her call Cathy was asking if Gwen truly wanted me to attend or if I was insisting on attending, Gwen explained how we were looking to spice up our routine and this event sounded exciting for both of us.
That next weekend Gwen went to Tom and Cathy’s place and had a good time but before she left Tom said that the event was invitation only and not a plus one event. Gwen got a little upset but Cathy said they could work something out where everyone was happy. Gwen came home upset and told me what had transpired and how she was unhappy with how things worked out especially Tom waiting till she was about to leave to spring the news to her. I was disappointed and told her if she wanted to go with out me there would be other events we could go to together. But she was confident in what Cathy told her and was sure we could go together. Gwen reached out to Cathy a couple of times but never got a firm answer. Gwen left Friday to spend the night at Tom and Cathy’s again but called me about 9PM asking if I was out or at home and was heading back to our house. I met her there and she was super emotional, she said she asked about the event when she got there and they evaded discussing it and she told Cathy she was not comfortable being around Tom tonight and the two of them went off together and talked. Cathy told Gwen that there was another kink event in January at a club that the four of us could attend together but that I wouldn’t be able to attend this event at their house. Gwen told her that Gwen and I had already scheduled that night as a date night and if I wasn’t welcome she wouldn’t be able to attend either. After some more discussion Gwen said that maybe they needed to take a break and maybe in January after that event she could reevaluate their relationship.
She left without talking to Tom but he called her on her way home and accused her of holding Cathy’s feelings hostage and how wrong that was. Gwen told him nothing of the kind but she felt they weren’t taking her feelings into account either and accused Tom of not wanting me there because they didn’t want to share Gwen’s attention and I would have spoiled their plans. She said he got quiet and Gwen told him not to contact her again.
Gwen cried on my shoulder the rest of the night and I told her she was right to end things with them. Cathy tried to call the next morning at least five times but Gwen wouldn’t answer. She left several teary voicemails pleading with Gwen to talk to her, and left two long text messages and e-mails.
I’m trying to stay neutral but it wouldn’t bother me if she shut the door on that relationship. But Gwen and Cathy had a strong bond for over a year and I can tell it’s taking a toll on Gwen.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**markoyolo**
>I agree with the other commenters, their reactions were a little weird.
>I do find it somewhat odd that you and your wife both assumed you were invited to the event though. I don't assume I'm invited to every party my metas throw even if it's a big party...
**OOP**
>>I only learned of it through my wife as I have almost no contact with the couple. But she was told there would be several couples so I guess she just assumed we could go as a couple. It wasn’t until she told Cathy WE would be there that Gwen learned I wasn’t invited.
*
**DetectiveSudden281**
>I’m really sorry. It sounds like Tom and Kathy are either unicorn hunters or harem builders. The ENM, Polyamory, and Kink scenes are infested with both types of couples.
>Tom and Kathy don’t want you at their house because they don’t want you ever involved with them. They’re considering having you show up to a “public event” where it’s a lot less intimate and frankly more safe. As a kinkster my alarm bells are going off that they want to isolate Gwen from both you and the public when “introducing” her to BDSM. It’s very easy for a newbie to find themselves in a situation where they are way over their head. She will have no one available to advocate for her or intervene and get her out other than the couple who tried to blackmail her into attending.
**OOP**
>>>They’re considering having you show up to a “public event” where it’s a lot less intimate and frankly more safe.
>>I doubt they had any intention of attending an event with both of us later, I believe it was just a ploy to get Gwen to agree to attend this event without me.
>>And hearing about your alarm bells brings up issues we hadn't thought of and now I am glad she is not going, especially without me there. Thanks for bringing those issues up.
[Mini update](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/koB9zQG4an) **Dec 7, 2023**
So Cathy and Gwen had a long phone conversation on the speakerphone so I could listen. It got teary on both ends and lasted half an hour. I'll give you the high points.
* They both still have strong feelings for each other and want to continue seeing each other.
* Gwen told her she felt Tom didn't give her an answer about the party until she was about to leave so he could have sex with the both of them.
* Cathy apologized for the way they invited her without making things clear. She said it still might be possible for me to attend and she was working on making it happen.
* Gwen then dropped the bomb that it was a moot point anyway since WE had decided that their house was no longer a safe space for her, even with me accompanying her there.
* She also didn't want any physical contact of any kind with Tom ever again and that she and Cathy would have to meet at our house where she felt safe.
Gwen offered to cook dinner for her Friday or Saturday and Cathy could spend the night. Cathy didn't say no but said she would have to see. A lot more talk about how they missed each other and they ended the call.
I don't know if she has the autonomy to do that but time will tell. I'm sure it won't go over well with Tom. Also we never talked about their house not being a safe place, that was Gwen's idea in the moment.
**OOP UPDATES THE ORIGINAL POST DEC. 7, 2023**
**ADDON** Gwen came home with a big grin and a couple of messages.
First was a text from Cathy, saying she would love to come to dinner at our house this Saturday and possibly stay the night. She also requested that the three of us have dinner together, she is anxious to finally get to know me better.
Second was an e-mail from Tom, he apologized for making a lot of grave errors around the party and how he handled things. He was also very disturbed that Gwen and I no longer considered their house a safe place. He wants to take all of us out to dinner somewhere and discuss things and mend some fences. He was very contrite and took the blame for all the mistakes that were made.
Gwen told Cathy we could see her anytime after six on Saturday. She had also composed a response to Tom's e-mail, it was lengthy and I told her she could have easily just shortened it to "pound sand". I talked her out of her version and told her to just agree to meet them in a couple of weeks so she could see how her date with Cathy went first.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/bDVbS5hglU) **Dec 10, 2023**
So Cathy took my wife up on her invitation for dinner and a date at our house. My beef ribs came out perfect and the whole dinner was spot on. Cathy went on and on about how good everything was and we had a good conversation but skirting some of the issues Gwen had lately. I stayed long enough to help put the leftovers away and load the dishwasher, and then I opened the second bottle of wine and made my exit. When I got back after 11 pm they were in the spare bedroom with the door closed and I slipped into the shower and got ready for bed. Gwen popped in and said goodnight and I heard her open her drawer, she said Cathy was staying the night. Curious, after she shut our door I looked in her drawer and several toys and some lube were missing.
I woke up to the smell of fresh cinnamon rolls, came into the kitchen to find them both at the table drinking coffee. Cathy got up and thanked us for a wonderful time and gave me a hug before grabbing her bag and heading for the door, Gwen walked her out to her car and they hugged and kissed before Cathy drove off.
Gwen said they had a great time and got up for another cup of coffee and made me wait and ask about anything else. She smiled and said before I got back they were cleaning up a little and Cathy asked if I was coming back. Then she said she wished I would reconsider coming next weekend to the party. Gwen told her we had both had some interest in exploring but wanted our first exposure to be together. Then she went on to say how underhanded Tom had handled it and strung her along by not giving a definite answer until the next morning after he got to play with the both of them. After having been manipulated like that she didn't feel safe at their house anymore, especially at a party like that. She said Cathy changed the subject and asked if we had given Tom's invitation to dinner any thought, they talked about it and Gwen told Cathy maybe we could do it this Friday, the day before the event, otherwise it would have to wait till after the first of the year with the holidays falling the way they did. Gwen brought up when Cathy wanted to schedule another date and they both decided to hold off till after the holidays. We were both surprised she didn't try to pressure Gwen more and just dropped everything after casually mentioning them. Depending on how dinner with Tom goes, Gwen want to continue on with Cathy.
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/iQlTle165p) **Dec 15/16, 2023**
So Gwen and I took Tom up on his offer to take us out for dinner to try and mend some fences and clear the air. It was a nice restaurant, not too loud we couldn't talk and not so quiet we couldn't talk about delicate topics without being overheard.
Tom apologized for not being clear about the party and communicating better. He was sorry Gwen felt unsafe at their house now and hoped after the dust settled they could take turns hosting their get-togethers. Gwen was quick to point out that she felt manipulated by not getting a straight answer about her request and being strung along with promises to work out something and that there was some wiggle room where an accommodation could be made for me to attend, that last part she was starring at Cathy the whole time. To top it off she felt used when she wasn't given a final answer until after Tom got a chance to get in her pants.
Cathy was the one to apologize now and said that was never her intention and that she wanted Gwen at the event and was trying to find a workaround. to make that happen. Gwen said because of the way things went down she no longer felt safe at their house, especially if Tom was there, and now there was no way she would attend even if I was invited. Luckily the food came out and the temperature at the table came down a few degrees.
As the dinner wound down, Tom extended an invitation to a New Year's Eve party one of his friends was throwing. He said it would be a great opportunity for us to meet some of his friends and for Tom and Cathy to get a chance to know me better. I thanked him for the invitation but declined as we were already going to one of my partner's house to their party. Gwen told Cathy after Christmas they should get together again and they hugged it out. I shook Tom's hand and thanked him for dinner but when he went to say goodbye to Gwen she managed to keep the table between them.
Overall the dinner stayed pretty civil, no yelling or blood was spilled but it did get a little chilly at times. With any luck Gwen can salvage her relationship with Cathy and continue going forward.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 2,400 | 2023-12-23T05:00:29 | Wife’s relationship with a couple has taken a bad turn | ONGOING | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18oy4wu/wifes_relationship_with_a_couple_has_taken_a_bad/ | false | false | [
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18oy56q | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/ibuvuvug
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
**Aita for not having my “father” walk me down the aisle**
**Editor's Note: Added spaces for readability**
Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation, child abandonment, controlling behavior!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18jvxjv/aita_for_not_having_my_father_walk_me_down_the/?share_id=Igp-3DDetW4VGr-TRuLro&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **December 16, 2023**
For context I am 26F and my father has never been in the picture he left the same day I was born leaving my mother to take care of me. Im an only child and don’t have any family beyond my mother as they disowned her when she fell pregnant with me when she was 17.She has been the best mum and rock through out my whole life and I’m very thankful to her for that.(now back to the point)
Me and my fiancé have been doing wedding planning for a couple weeks now deciding on colour themes and venues, a week ago the topic of how the ceremony will be taking place came up and I told him that my mother will be walking me down the aisle as I have no father figure in my life. seeing my fiancé is a very traditional man and sees the idea of my mother walking me down the aisle as “not what should happen” he was upset at me saying this and told me I should reconnect with my father so he can” give me away”(I hate that expression).
I told him there is no way I’m reconnecting with someone who never tried to be in my life and ran away from his responsibilities leaving my mum to raise me.when I said this it turned into a massive argument and resulted In him storming out and staying at his sisters house. the same day I received countless calls and messages telling me I’m a horrible person and need to suck it up for one day to be the woman I am and should be.
I haven’t responded to any of these and I’m just taking some time to myself before I try talking to him. yesterday I found out my fiancé reached out to my “father” and asked him to meet him in a few days, I am beyond pissed and rethinking this whole marriage thing. i have no clue how he found my “father” but right now I am with my mum and she is telling me I was in the right and he is being a baby reacting like he did but in my mind I’m still having thoughts of if I’m the a hole for not wanting to be traditional.
Edit:I was just reading through some of the comments and you are all so kind I will update you soon lovely’s I’m still trying to process all of this ❤️
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18k62us/updateaita_for_not_letting_my_father_walk_me_down/) - **Dec 16, 2023 (same day, eight hours later)**
Hello everyone❤️
I posted my last post 8h ago and since then I have had time to think about what I really want.
I have come to the decision with help from all of you and the person who messaged me (you know who you are)I will not be going foward with this marriage and will be cutting contact from my ex fiancé and his family.
I have no clue what he will do when he meets up with my “father” but I will be having no part of it.I will be keeping this post up so anyone in a similar situation can read the comments but I will no longer be posting on here and will be keeping my break up private.
I am so grateful for all of you and the support(apart from a select few)I hope all of you have a lovely day/night❤️
Edit: I will be getting lawyer just incase and will be taking precautions to keep safe 🥰
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 3,530 | 2023-12-23T05:00:49 | Aita for not having my “father” walk me down the aisle | ONGOING | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18oy56q/aita_for_not_having_my_father_walk_me_down_the/ | false | false | [
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18oy5j6 | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/JadeMcKennaJ
**Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes
**Editor’s Note: Added spaces for readability**
**Am I the asshole for not wanting to take my stepdad’s name even though my mom wants me to?**
Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation, death of a parent, cancer, infidelity!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/18is85b/am_i_the_asshole_for_not_wanting_to_take_my/?share_id=DxPqKa-mMZBqklUfkQkZR&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **December 14, 2023**
Post—- This is my first post so bear with me. Names are changed. My mom had me when she was in high school. My bio father did not want my mom to keep me so he’s never been in my life. When I was 2 my mom started dating and eventually married Josh. Josh legally adopted me when I was 5, and they had my 2 siblings. My name was changed to Jones, his last name and that of my siblings, and Josh was the most amazing father I could ask for.
He unfortunately passed away from cancer when I was 14. Since then my mom met and married Leon. Mom and Leon are great together. I am happy for her, but miss Josh in my life. My mom had my youngest brother Tyler. The issue comes from my mom wanting us all to be one big happy family. She proposed the idea of us thee older kids changing our name to Kelly (Leon’s last name) to show him that we now see him as a father and also so that all us kids have the same last name. She brought it up because she wanted to send a Christmas card out as “The Kelly Family”. She said she thought we could surprise Leon with the name changes on Christmas.
Here’s the thing, I’m in college and I don’t live at home. My younger siblings live at home, are closer with Leon, and seem ok with it even though it’s their bio fathers last name. I think my mom has really tried to convince them. The way I see it I carry the name of the man that raised me. Leon didn’t raise me from a little kid, yes he’s here now, but I would still like to honor Josh. Also this has been my name my entire life, and I have even mentioned that when I get married I would keep the last name Jones in honor of Josh.
My mom does not agree, and told me Josh would be happy with me having a father figure and that my name was already changed from my Bio dads name anyway. I told her no and she has been really mad. I’m worried it might ruin the holidays. To me names don’t make a family, it’s the people that are there. And I think because my mom has had tough early life she wants to try and make us a big happy family. So am I the asshole for not wanting to change my name? Advice appreciated
UPDATE - Thanks for all the thoughts. I realized I am not the AH. I really think my mom is not trying to be terrible she is just wanting to create connections and I do think it comes from trauma. I have realized since I left home how much my mom has had to work to survive. She didn't have support from family when she got pregnant in high school. I took your advice and called my sister and brother (Natasha and Ben). Ben who is in high school said he had told mom he would hyphenate Jones-Kelly. Apparently she wanted Kelly-Jones. He also said that he doesn't think mom should do all this without talking to Leon first.
As some of you all said. Leon is very caring and respectful of our Dad and honors Josh in whatever ways he can. Natasha said she didn't care at first (she's younger) but called me back after I talked to Ben and said she really wanted to keep Josh's (her bio dad) name.
Also Natasha is really close with Josh's parents and siblings and goes to our grandparents on a regular basis. I can't imagine that it would go over well at family Christmas for this all to unfold in front of Josh's whole family who will be there too! I think my grandma and uncles and aunts would flip or be really hurt. I honestly think the next part is talking to Leon. I also don't see how this whole name thing makes sense financially. People noted how expensive all this is and I don't know why we would go through the hassle to hyphenate our names or change our names. l'll update after I talk to Leon
UPDATE #2 Any advice on how to talk to Leon about this without sounding like an AH that doesn’t want to take his name?
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**StrangledInMoonlight:** Mom seems rea intent on erasing the previous men when she gets with a new one. She’s lucky Josh was decent and Leon appears decent so far. But the mental toll this is going to take on the younger kids in erasing their dad is not good.
>**OP:** I honestly wonder if therapy would be good for the family. Especially for my mom, two siblings, and I! We all lost a loved one and I think it still has an impact on us.
**Spinnerofyarn:** Exactly, OP, the only reason to change your name now would be because you want it to be different, either because you don't like your existing name or you and your partner want to have the same name. It's unreasonable of her to ask of you, especially since you are now an adult.
>**OP:** I have made it known before that I would keep Jones in honor of my dad even if I got married. He raised me. He loved me. He was my father even though he wasn’t my bio dad. My bio dad comes in and out of my life. Has never been there for anyone. I don’t even call my bio father “dad”. And I call Leon by his name not “dad”.
**mlh916:** NTA, you're not a Cabbage Patch Doll that she can just keep changing the name of to suit the man she's with now. What happens if they split up and she gets with someone else, would she keep expecting this?! She can't just slap a name tag on it and call it a family. She should be grateful that you all get along. She's asking too much and she's being manipulative about it when you said no. Firmly makes her the asshole.
>**OP:** In her own weird way I think my mom sees this as a way to unite our family. My mom is a really great mom, she’s not trying to force us, I think she just wants to try and make things seem more like a “normal” family on paper. The truth is we were a United family when Josh was alive!
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/18k7wpn/weirdcrazy_update_to_am_i_the_asshole_for_not/) - **December 16, 2023**
I asked Leon to meet up at a diner and we chatted. Leon said of course he wants me to honor Josh, and he does not want me to change my name to appease an image. But he said that it was much more than just the name change and that it wasn’t his place to explain and I should talk to my mom.
So of course I spoke with my mom and asked why she really wanted this. She broke down crying and said through sobs that Josh was a great dad to us kids, but he left a mess for her to clean up. This made me even more confused. And Reddit this what she told me was beyond anything I would’ve thought. She explained that recently she found out that Josh had cheated on her numerous times. And had another child!!! WTF! That every time he went on a business trip he was actually visiting another family. He went at least 1-2 times a month. I felt like everything I knew was falling apart. She hadn’t told any of us, but I guess somehow the other wife and kid had contacted my mom. They wanted money from her since they hadn’t gotten much in the will. In part I guess because we were his “main” family which seems like a really weird thing to say.
The other family is called Jones and my mom just really wanted to clear away some of the bad taste of realizing so much was a lie. Apparently Leon knew about all the stuff going on (he’s got friends who are lawyers and are helping my mom sort things out).
She did not want us to think bad of Josh, but wanted us to move on from someone whose memory has become painful.
It gets even messier though. My uncles new. But their wives didn’t. This has also caused a huge martial argument between my Uncle Tim and Aunt Julie. Tim knew and aided Josh in the lies. And now Julie has hired an investigator to make sure he’s not cheating and she’s accusing him of all sorts of stuff and the lawyers have gotten involved. Christmas might be crazy this year. I’m unsure how to process all of this. Jones is my name, but I now see more of why my mom asked. But to me Josh was always a great dad. My siblings still don’t know. Right now I’m gonna focus on school and finals. Thanks Reddit for helping me talk to Leon and my mom.
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 2,617 | 2023-12-23T05:01:17 | Am I the asshole for not wanting to take my stepdad’s name even though my mom wants me to? | ONGOING | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18oy5j6/am_i_the_asshole_for_not_wanting_to_take_my/ | false | false | [
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18oy6cj | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ComicDuhComic
**My neighbor is cheating.**
**Originally posted to** r/offmychest
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, fears of domestic violence!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/aQfrf3kOka) **Apr 5, 2023**
I feel like shit about this. I was eating lunch with a friend when I saw my neighbor kissing someone. His wife is very pregnant and brunette. The women he was all over was neither of these things. I mean, if this was an 80's movie, there would've been saxophone music playing at how hard they were making out.
I know his name after I fixed their thermostat back in December. (He approached me to see if i knew how to fix it)I never caught her name. I (without digging too deep) know that he is cheating. There is no open relationship, and she is pregnant. I saw their wedding picture when I was in their place.
I have now seen him with this other woman on two occasions. The second time was her dropping him off at his place. (Could be a coworker)
LI don't feel like I know either of them well enough to say something. I can not stand cheaters, but is it my place? I hate this guy I barely know. He fucking sucks.
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/0deMZ3fidH) **May 4, 2023**
I posted about my neighbor cheating on his pregnant wife a while back. I said I would wait until she gave birth in order to not add to a stressful situation, if I was going to say anything at all.
I saw them bringing in their twins from the hospital about two weeks ago. They looked very happy and I decided to say hello. I said my brother had twins with his ex wife. I then turned to the cheating guy and said, "They needed a lot of help right after they were born. Do you have someone helping you?"
He said "We actually moved out here for work and don't have any close family or friends near by". Family was traveling out to help.
I walked away thinking, "who is the woman I've seen you making out with numerous times?" Well I found out last night. It's his boss as she was dropping off a gift for the new babies while I was coming home. It was a short elevator ride, that felt like an hour.
I'll admit I took a little longer opening my door to go in. I was glued to the body language difference. She gave him a hug that you would give if someone you've never hugged before went for a hug. Handed them the bag and never went in. So yep, he's cheating with a coworker. He is shit.
The safety issue has weighed on me. If I were to leave an anonymous note, she might get hurt or worse when confronting him. I don't know them well enough to know how either would react. Hell, I don't know how some of my close friends would react to a note like that.
If I were to leave a thumb drive with photos/video, the safety issue is still there. He couldn't explain it away easily, but two infants and a woman much smaller than him might have somthing bad happen to them as a result.
I've thought about the boss/other woman. What if I let her know that someone knows? She seemed to care enough not to jump his bones in front of his wife. Would someone who is shitty enough to cheat with a married man back off at something like that? Would them stopping be enough, or should the wife know regardless if it is still happening?
I know "mind my own business". I feel we should look out for each other. I wish more people felt that way too
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/IAy3flb87r) **June 15, 2023**
I kept my anonymity, so this will be hard to go into deep detail. I found out for a fact he was cheating on his pregnant wife with a coworker. I wanted to punch him in the jaw whenever I walked past him. I'm glad I didn't. I collected pictures of him and his boss making out, both at dinner and dropping him off. Once her family was around to help with their newborn kids. I wrote out a note.
The note went like this. I hope I am way off and (your sisters) safety is far more important than anything else. On this thumb drive there is video and pictures of (your brother in law) cheating on your sister with his boss. I hope I am not exposing you to a lifestyle that all three are consenting too. I strongly think that is not the case. I would reveal my identity if I told you why. If that is the case, I'm not judging, disregard and have a laugh at me. I noticed the affair several months ago. I wanted to wait until the twins were born and family could keep her safe. I'm so sorry that the news is coming to you this way. I wish I could do more, but I feel like doing this is stretching beyond my limits.
I left it in an envelope on their rental car, which was making my stomach feel like it was in my throat while I did it. I waited, and I waited, and I waited.
Then I noticed a U-Haul being loaded up with boxes. I asked if someone was moving in. The guy turned out to be the wife's brother and they were moving her back to her parents so they could help with the twins. I knew the real reason and I feel a weight off of my chest. Yet there is still doubt that I shouldn't have gotten involved at all. The brother told me the husband was staying because of his work. So I still have to live right by this shit. I feel overall mixed about it. I keep second guessing myself, thinking I should have done it different, sooner, or at all.
I truly hope that I did the right thing. So few people know that I did this. Well except for those of you who read this and helped me realize it was I needed to do. Thank You, but my dislike for this guy has only become worse, fuck em'. I hope I never have to interact with him again.
[Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/u/ComicDuhComic/s/hDJyAf31sJ) **Oct 10, 2023**
There is so much information since my last post. Again, I'm sorry if my posts come off as cagey. I don't want to give away who I am, if somehow one of them ever came across this.
With that out of the way. The wife is never around. I still feel so bad for her. She seems like a sweet lady. She took her kids up to her parents. I can assume because of finding out about the infidelity.
As for the husband, he does not wear his wedding band anymore. The boss still comes around. When the wife initially left she came around more. One other woman has started coming over to his place too.
They are getting a divorce. I found out in a way that makes me dislike this guy even more than I did. (Again, trying not to dive too much into my personal life.) I've recently started dating again after staying single for a while. Someone I've been seeing off and on told me he hits on her whenever she visits me. Obviously, not everytime, but when she runs into him while visiting.
He told her he is going through a divorce. His ex is a "total bitch" for moving back home. I don't really socialize with him. He seems to be out chasing women as if he was always single.
I haven't really worked through why I feel so conflicted about the whole thing. I know I did the right thing. We should look out for each other. I hope one day I get passed my weird feelings about it. Maybe if I let someone in my life know what I did? It feels like a weird secret to be carrying with me.
I wish he was as miserable as I'm sure we all wish he could be. Either he is good at hiding pain, or he feels freer to sleep around without a wife and kids to hold him down. I wish people were more empathetic of the feelings of people they claim to care about.
Stay safe. There are good people out there. The bad ones are just a bit louder. I'll keep people updated if you want me to.
[Update 4](https://www.reddit.com/u/ComicDuhComic/s/KOZxZMmH7U) **Dec 16, 2023**
This will be a quick, yet big update. The cheater was arrested by an undercover cop for solicitation of a sex worker. He was caught as a part of police sting.
I've learned that he comes from a pretty wealthy family. They own a lot of grocery stores. So he was bailed out of jail fairly quick.
All the neighbors know about it. The woman he is currently dating must too. She has been around since he was arrested. So I don't think they are breaking up over it. He's seeing a few women, but she is around the most.
As for his ex, she was up here for a friend's party that I also attended. Im not going to say how that happened, it would give away my identity.
She seems better in many ways, but you can see the toll this past while has had on her. (Her ex was arrested after the party) She didn't mention him, but we did see pictures of her twins. They are adorable for those wondering.
She is back in school and living with family. You know when you see someone and they're sick, but you can they are getting better? That's the best way I can describe it. She's clearly got some psychological wounds from all of this. She seems tough though.
As for the cheater, he doesn't seem all that different from the end of his marriage. I hope going to jail teaches him some kind of lesson. I highly doubt it though.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 2,502 | 2023-12-23T05:02:22 | My neighbor is cheating. | ONGOING | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18oy6cj/my_neighbor_is_cheating/ | false | false | [
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18oy6yi | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/penumbralspectre
**I cannot believe what my husband says regarding my looks.**
**Originally posted to** r/Marriage
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/8moncwuFAO) **Aug 16, 2023**
My husband (27 M and 26 F) and I were college sweethearts, married last year got pregnant the next month. We love each other, he's literally a guy with no red flags.
Extremely supportive throughout my education, my job, fully engaged in all that I love during wedding planning, etc etc and was a mountain of support during my pregnancy . I had our child and I haven't looked the same since.
I am 4 months PP and have lost most of the weight, I can fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes. But I'm a woman of color and have a lot of discoloration around my neck, stomach etc from the pregnancy. I also have a thing called diastasis recti where there is a slight w shaped bend in my stomach that looks like a small pouch. I am also losing a whole ton of hair, I used to have thick long black hair but now it's definitely falling in clumps.
I can notice it and I feel disgusted by myself. One of my breasts also seems to be bigger than the other (?)
I have cried and cried about all this and he tells me he has no idea what I'm talking about even though I can clearly see all these changes. He keeps saying things like I'm still beautiful etc while it's objectively untrue, i definitely used to look extremely gorgeous. I had hair that went below my butt and cut off 6-7 inches so it's now waist length and cried about that. So he got a recipe to make a hair oil for loss (from his grandmother) and made it and massages my scalp 3 times a day. It's working slowly. He tells me I'm gorgeous everyday and can't wait for us to do this or that etc but I just hate myself and cannot believe a single word of how he thinks I'm still beautiful. I keep reading on here how men lose their attraction to their wives after having a baby and now Idk if he's just pretending to hide something.
[Update : You guys were right](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/HwLAbZ7xaI) **Dec 16, 2023**
I posted some 4 months about a ton of things that I felt insecure about.
You guys were right. My hair fall has stopped, the discoloration is gone, my diastasis is not so bad.
But my old clothes are from a different style so my husband took me out and we got a whole new wardrobe from our parent era. I also got a haircut. This was very emotional for me because I used to have VERY long hair. But, this was practical and now a very easy to maintain decision.
I am much more comfortable with how I look. I'm slowly getting to where I was before, mentally. Getting professional help was also monumental.
My husband still cleans, I still cook. Our baby started daycare at 8 months.
All is well :) thanks for the support.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 7,374 | 2023-12-23T05:03:17 | I cannot believe what my husband says regarding my looks. | CONCLUDED | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18oy6yi/i_cannot_believe_what_my_husband_says_regarding/ | false | false | [
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18ozkw4 | **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/kayelle-99](https://www.reddit.com/user/kayelle-99/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole.
Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the rec.
**Trigger Warnings:** >!theft!<
**Mood Spoiler:** >!I'm pissed just reading it but OOP seems ok?!<
Additional Mood Spoiler: >!Ok but seriously that amount of money stolen made me do a spit take and if anyone wants to give me that amount for just fun usage hit me up because damn!<
I replaced letters with names for readability.
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h74bo/aita_for_kicking_my_maid_of_honor_out_of_my/)**: October 26, 2023**
I’m (23F) getting married in a couple days. Most of this is in the last two weeks.
My MOH (26F), Mara, was in charge of planning my bachelorette party, which I wanted to be a surprise. We live in a city, but none of us live downtown, so I was hoping for a hotel room downtown and having a fun night out with friends, maybe a brunch. Most of the bridal party live locally, but two girls flew in for it.
When Mara picked me up 2 weeks ago on Friday , I was excited to see where we were going and what we were doing. We ended up going to Mara’s 1 bedroom townhome and spent the whole weekend there. There are 8 of us, so it was cramped and we kept running into issues with only 1 bathroom. On Friday night we had games and ordered pizza, Saturday we had a mimosa bar, went shopping, ordered food, and watched a movie, before parting ways on Sunday. It wasn’t the bachelorette party of my dreams, or a particularly fun weekend, but it was ok, and I appreciated it.
Last weekend, my fiancé (32m), James, had just returned from a work trip. I hadn’t caught him up to speed on the party, because there wasn’t much to report. But when he returned, we were chatting and I told him about the party. He looked confused but said nothing else that evening.
The next day, I got a message from Mara asking to meet up to talk about “something.” Mara revealed that James had given her a significant amount of money over a year ago, with the intention that it was used to pay for a bachelorette party. It would have been enough to pay for the entire bridal party to do a week long vacation out of town, including airfare, hotel, food, drinks, and fun. I wasn’t expecting this type of event; a weekend downtown would have been wonderful, and even though the party at her home wasn’t what I hoped for, I was fine with it because I got to be with all of my friends. She, instead, used the money to pay off credit card debt and hoped that no one would notice.
I told her I needed some time to process and went home. After talking with James about it, I decided, that the best action would be to remove her from the wedding. I came to this decision because I don’t feel I can trust her and don’t want her to be standing next to me at my wedding. I slept on it overnight and sent her a text saying this on Monday.
Since then, I have been getting texts from her mom and boyfriend telling me how awful I am for doing this since I didn’t need a big party and Mara was able to financially benefit . My mom is also against removing her from the wedding, as she’s like a sister to our family and it would be tragic for me to get married without Mara there. The rest of the bridal party is split, with half saying I shouldn’t have kicked her out and the other half agreeing with me. Mara has called me crying because she already has her dress (James and I paid for all dresses) and she can’t wear it anywhere else.
At this point, I want the wedding to be over with so I can be on my honeymoon and not have to deal with these people.
So, was my action too extreme? AITA?
***Relevant Comments:***
*Do people not realize she STOLE your fiancé's money??*
"People realize it but the prevailing sentiment is, in the case of my bridal party, they don’t particularly care, and her mom feels it’s okay because it got her out of debt. My mom is just disregarding the entire situation because she cares about Mara."
*She obviously knew it was wrong because she told you out of guilt:*
"She didn’t tell me out of guilt. After he found out what my bachelorette party was, my fiancé told her either she needed to sit down and tell me or he would."
*Depending on the amount you could totally press charges:*
"Thank you so much! Neither me nor James are interested in dragging this out in court or pressing charges. He wouldn’t have given her more money for a bachelorette than he could afford and this situation is not worth the amount of emotional turmoil that would put everyone involved through. We’ve gotten enough backlash for removing her from the wedding."
*On who paid for the bachelorette that did happen:*
"I didn’t pay for anything other than some drinks I had delivered because there wasn’t anything to drink Friday night but everything else was split 7 ways between the rest of the bridal party. The ones that flew in paid for their own flights."
***Annnnnnd the bombshell... the amount stolen:***
$25k
*ARE YOU GUYS INSANELY RICH??? How do you brush off $25K?*
"My fiancé makes significantly more money than me and my friends as well as our families do."
*Did you tell the others how much she stole??? Because that could have helped them too:*
"I haven’t disclosed the amount to anyone yet. I’m probably going to send a text out tonight with that information and stating that anyone who feels she was justified is free to not attend on Saturday."
*Why in the WORLD did your fiancé give her that money a year ago?*
"I think he gave it to her under the assumption that a week long party would take a while to plan, and that way she could start booking things that may have limited space as well as dispersing money to coordinate flights. She is a person who has been in my life since I was 18 and typically comes over to our house at least once a week. My fiancé considered her a close and trusted friend as well."
*Now that the amount is out, most comments agree with PRESS CHARGES:*
"It’s technically my fiancé’s money even if it was for what was supposed to be a gift for me. He is leaving it up to me if I press charges, and has let me know he’ll support whatever route I want to go. I’m still kind of in shock and obviously upset, so pressing charges or taking her to civil court is the last thing on my mind. He does have text exchanges confirming that she received it and what it was for and she has sent me things confirming that she used it to pay off debt and her mom and bf have as well. Maybe I’ll change my mind later on, but right now I just want to get married and get away from the drama. :)"
*Did her mom and bf tell you that?*
"They just sent texts confirming that’s what she used it for! As far as I know she’s the only one who used it."
***OOP is voted NTA***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/kayelle-99/comments/18jzbif/update_aita_for_kicking_my_maid_of_honor_out_of/)**: December 16, 2023 (about 2 months later)**
Hey reddit! I’m here with an update to my AITA post. (I’m posting this on my profile because it’s easier.)
First, thank you all so much for being so nice on my previous post. I know this is delayed, but I hope it answers any lingering questions you may have, and I was somewhat waiting to have an update that would answer questions. I had no idea my previous post would get so much attention and so many people would be interested.
To answer the most pressing question, I removed my MOH from my wedding along and disinvited those who continued to support her after I shared the amount she stole.
My husband and I had a lovely wedding and honeymoon, and when we got back we got in contact with his lawyer to begin compiling information and prepare to file a civil suit. This is still in the early stages, but as so many did point out, we do have a responsibility to ensure she faces some kind of consequence to prevent this from happening to someone else. While we won’t be pressing criminal charges, we’ll cooperate with law enforcement should the DA wish to bring charges after information is brought forth in our civil suit.
I honestly don’t think believe my ex-friend has money to repay us, but we will be donating anything we receive from the trial. I’ll try to respond to comments below if there are any other questions! | 4,751 | 2023-12-23T06:27:47 | AITA for kicking my maid of honor out of my wedding with 5 days notice? | ONGOING | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18ozkw4/aita_for_kicking_my_maid_of_honor_out_of_my/ | false | false | [
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18ozxzw | **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/VisualLifeguard8937](https://www.reddit.com/user/VisualLifeguard8937/). They posted in r/AITAH.
Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the recommendation
**Mood Spoiler:** >!sad!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18hpfhn/aitah_for_wanting_for_break_up_with_my_gf_after/)**: December 13, 2023**
So my gf and I have been together for about 4 years. She used to be close friends with her ex, however he tried to make a move on her while she and I were together. So she cut off their friendship.
They knew each other for about 10 years, they were high school sweethearts, and stayed together throughout college. They broke up because he did not want kids.
He died recently, and my gf was invited to the funeral. While I wasn't "happy" so to speak, to see my gf cry about this guy, I swallowed my emotions and offered my full support. She asked me to come with her.
Here's where things get messy.
She kept talking about she wishes they never broke up in the first place, and that she's never met someone who she loved as much as him.
She made a speech about how she says that if things had been different, they'd be a happy family with children.
I had to force myself not to say anything then.
Now we're back home, and she hasn't said anything about what she said.
I'm so close to just leaving, but I just don't know if she only said that out of grief.
***OOP's only comment:***
"To be clear, she didn't say these things to me. She was talking to others."
***There is no consensus bot, but a majority of top comments were NTA***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18jwfyv/update_aitah_for_wanting_to_break_up_with_my_gf/)**: December 16, 2023 (3 days later)**
Hello everyone,
It's been a stressful couple of days, and my post got a lot more attention than I expected, it was overwhelming to be honest.
It's been a week since the funeral itself, and I've been talking to some friends, as well as reading comments on my last post.
Truth be told, I've been hesitant to talk about this to my gf about because she's still been depressed. She's not talking to me at all and I've been taking care of everything around our place. She's just been laying in our bed.
I've tried to talk to her, but she just shuts me out.
I've been reflecting on our past relationship and realized a couple things.
My gf was never as passionate with me as she was with her ex, she never did anything as romantic or thoughtful for me when compared to her ex.
For example, she's never gone traveling for more than 3 days with me. But she traveled often with her ex, sometimes for years. It's not like I haven't offered.
I was simply told to get over it, and that each relationship is different, and people said shit like "If she wanted to be with her ex, she would be"
Something also to note is that some of you actually pointed my attention to another post. **(Editor's note- link to that post** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/184xitt/aitah_for_wanting_to_go_to_my_exs_funeral/?share_id=s_w21lcLfsZTiaVMcYqU6&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)**.)** One that's about a girl going to her ex's funeral.
I read the post, and idk if it's actually my gf or not.
Some details are different, like our age, we're both 30. Also, I never said anything about breaking up with her for going to the funeral. I wasn't exactly happy to see her mourn the guy who wanted to sleep with her while she was with me, but I didn't actually say anything.
Now, that post admited that she actually cheated. I thought about this for a second, but it doesn't matter.
Because if she cheated or not, I already broke up with her.
I did have a talk with her, she refused to at first, by not responding to me, but when I told her I was leaving, she finally said something to me.
I basically told her that I feel like crap ever since she said those things at the funeral. How I feel like she would rather be with her ex than me. That I felt like her second choice.
She started to yell at me. Calling me selfish, and that she's lost one of the most important people in her life, and I shouldn't make this about me.
I was too tired to try to yell back, my things were already packed up.
I'm staying with my parents for a while. Our lease doesn't expire for a few months, so idk what she's planning to do.
I dont know what to do now. I thought I was gonna marry this girl someday, and have kids. But she wanted someone else all this time.
I appreciate all the comments, and I don't know if I'm gonna post another update. But thank you. | 5,219 | 2023-12-23T06:51:33 | AITAH for wanting for break up with my gf after her ex's funeral. | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18ozxzw/aitah_for_wanting_for_break_up_with_my_gf_after/ | false | false | [
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18p3gh5 | I am NOT OP. Original post from r/AusFinance (with updates in r/AusLegal) by u/HazelnutIcedCof
**Original: Our new landlord (bought in Jan 2023) is trying to negotiate us out of our 3-year fixed lease. First offer was $5k, we rejected and now they’re offering $20K. I still think we should reject the offer - is that nuts? (QLD)** [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusFinance/comments/14r4o13/our_new_landlord_bought_in_jan_2023_is_trying_to/)
Basically we locked in a rental well under current rental rates. We started living here in 2021, and after a year we renewed in 2022 for 4 years with no rent increase or clause in rental terms allowing for it. We have the place until 2026.
The landlord that initially signed the lengthy lease sold the unit, now the new landlord as of January 2023 wants to move in their elderly father (not sure I believe this, but not the point).
We don’t want to leave, because we’re in a renovated 2 bedroom 1 bathroom unit in Brisbane’s CBD for $435/week. It’s great, and right beside my husband’s place of work.
We believe the unit would go for no less than $200/week more than we pay. So that’s $31,200 over the next few years, plus risking rent increases every year requiring us to move around (like many people are facing currently, and we feel immense gratitude for our situation)
So if our landlord offers $20K payment with no bond cleaning or carpet cleaning for us to move out within the next couple of months, would we be completely foolish to reject the offer?
**First Update: \*UPDATE\* Landlord offered $20K for us to terminate fixed lease 3 years early. We refused. Now they’re filing with QCAT.** [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/15zqj89/update_landlord_offered_20k_for_us_to_terminate/)
TL;DR of previous post: Old landlord signed 4 year lease. New owners bought in January, now want to move in their father and have us leave early. We don’t want to leave, the unit would go for no less than $200/week more than we pay, costing us over $30K and losing excellent housing stability. Our fixed lease is until July 2026
Edit: We refused the $20K and asked for $60K as our lowest number we’d accept. They didn’t agree to that.
So now they’ve told us they are taking us to QCAT. Does anyone have any experience eirence or advice here? Do we just wait to hear from QCAT?
I don’t know how likely it is that QCAT will approve their application to end the fixed term lease on the basis of their father moving in, but now I’m feeling rather worried they may get us out after all
*Note: QCAT is the small claims court in Queensland, Australia. Most issues with tenancies etc. are dealt with there.*
**Comment (in reply to various encouraging comments about their chances):**
Yeah my partner and I both suspect they may live outside of the country. We think it’s simply someone who purchased without really understanding the length of the lease remaining and thinking they could easily kick out the current tenants and jack up the rent to current market rates.
**Final Update: \*UPDATE\* Landlord/REA took us to QCAT after we denied their offer of $20K to leave our 4 year long lease 2.5 years early…** [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/18h6qz8/update_landlordrea_took_us_to_qcat_after_we/)
I’m just popping an update in for anyone curious regarding our previous posts (hopefully this is allowed?). Basically we moved into our unit in 2021 for a 12 month lease, after which our previous landlord offered to renew for 4 years in 2022 at $435/week (2bed1bath in Brisbane CBD)
Earlier this year in January, we get notified our previous landlord needs to sell. The new real estate agent representing the new landlord (that purchased the unit from the previous much cooler landlord), not 6 months later, informs us the landlord wants to move their elderly father in. Asks us to leave in December 2023, offers us $5k. We respectfully refused. They offered us $20K. Still, the value of our unit and the housing stability in this current rental/real estate crisis were worth far more than that, so we refused again.
We then got notification from REA that they’d take us to QCAT. They lodged this seemingly half-effort application on the grounds of hardship with no supporting evidence or documentation. The owner of our unit is listed as a company on this application, and up until this point we never heard from or knew who the new owner/landlord was.
When I posted regarding this QCAT lodging, redditors recommended I reach out to tenants Queensland/QSTARS, which is a state-funded free resource to help with rental conflicts.
They were exceedingly helpful. We were assigned a guy who followed through the entire process with us. He spoke with me covering all legal grounds upon which we had to respond to the application (essentially denying its validity). He drafted our submissions that we presented to the adjudicator and even spoke on our behalf in the courtroom (or whatever you call the room in which the case meeting was held)
The adjudicator was not pleased with the real estate agent’s lack of evidence, but I’ll leave it at that as I’m hoping to not overshare.
The whole thing was over in 20 minutes or so, we were informed the application was dismissed and we had every right to stay until the end of our lease. What a relief that was!
Our guy from QSTARS informed us to keep him in the loop if any further measures are taken (including any retaliatory actions). All in all we feel extremely well supported by QSTARS and the tenancy laws.
While I want to feel comfortable in our place, we still worry about what may come next. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. | 4,580 | 2023-12-23T11:06:50 | Landlord is trying to negotiate us out of our 3-year fixed lease | CONCLUDED | Tanaquil1 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18p3gh5/landlord_is_trying_to_negotiate_us_out_of_our/ | false | false | [
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18pgwdi | **I AM NOT THE OP. The OP is** u/Solid-Designer-8973 **and their posts were taken from** r/offmychest.
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!rape, violence!<
**MOOD SPOILER:** >!justice plays its part soon enough!<
**Post 1:** [My family wants me to forgive my brother after he tried to r0pe my fiancee](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/169x4ly/my_family_wants_me_to_forgive_my_brother_after_he/) (Posted September 4th, 2023)
I (M 27) met my fiancée (F 25) almost 7 years ago when we were both studying at collage, we met through mutual friends and about 1 year later we started dating, when she was introduced to my family everyone was delighted with her, even my mother who tends to be somewhat reserved with foreigners.
(NOTE, my mother and father are migrants and since they arrived in the country where we live, they have always stayed close to the local community, so they are generally very reserved with anyone who is not from our community, sounds racist, but not it is.)
At this point I must mention my brother (M 29), before the incident, he was my superhero, I always admired him because he never was intimidated by the local children and because he always was very protective of me and our sister (F 22). , he always reminded us that we should never look down just because someone tried to annoy us and that we had as much right to live here as anyone and when I introduced him to my girlfriend they became good friends; time passed and my girlfriend was quite close to my family, especially my siblings, given the closeness to my family it was usual for her to hang out with other of my relatives, she would go shopping with my sister and mother, play billiards with me and my cousins and was at every party my family organized; It was at one of these parties, in which me and my family ended up very drunk, to the point that I ended up sleeping on the floor of my parents' living room. When the party ended, my girlfriend was behaving very weird and when I asked her what was going on, she told me, "I think your brother tried to kiss me"; The surprise that she gave me when hearing those words was so great that any effect of the alcohol disappeared and I asked her to tell me everything that had happened.
She told me that: several of the guests went to the roof to drink up there to feel the wind or something like that, little by little they all left until in the end only she and my brother were left up there, they drank a while more and while they were talking, she noticed that he was staring at her and out of nowhere he bent down trying to kiss her but she was faster and dodged it, the atmosphere became very uncomfortable after that and she left there. When she finished telling me what happened, I took her to her house and a later I talked to my brother and asked him to clarify the whole story. He basically told me the same story, but from his point of view, he apologized and said that he was so drunk that he wasn't thinking and that he apologized for doing that. Just remembering that conversation makes my blood boil because at that moment I thought that it had only been a minor incident, something that could be solved with dialogue and establishing some limits, I could never think about what was going to happen next.
After what happened at that party, the relationship between my brother and I was uncomfortable, we almost never spoke and when we did it was as polite as possible, almost as if we were strangers, the only person who knew what had happened, besides off the 3 of us, was my younger sister because on one occasion when she and my girlfriend were talking, she asked if she knew why my brother and I had become distant from what she told her the story. My girlfriend and I decided not to comment on the rest of my family because we didn't want the relationship to fracture further. After a few months after that, my family organized a party where they invited a lot of people, friends, family and people from our community. it was at that party where my girlfriend and my brother met again, at that point I thought that enough time had passed since the kiss incident and that it could be the first step for things to return to the normal. At some point during the party I lost track of my girlfriend and I started looking for her, I looked for her for a while without seeing her, so I assumed that maybe she was with my sister, but something passed through my head that I decided to look upstairs, while I was going up the stairs I started to hear strange noises in one of the rooms and when I opened the door, my brother was pushing my girlfriend against the bed, covering her mouth and trying to put her hand under her dress while she was trying to fight back.
I didn't think twice about and as soon as I saw them I pounced on my brother and started beating him, my girlfriend left the room as quickly as she could and went downstairs to ask for help, when my father and uncles came up I was still beating the shit out of my brother, his face was full of blood, as was my knuckles, my father was the one who had to separate us, but I kept insulting him and hitting him, in the end he was able to separate us and then he took me out of the room while my uncles checked how bad my brother was, outside the room my father asked me what the hell had happened to make me act like that, it took me a while to be able to formulate words but finally I told him, that I had just seen that my brother had tried to abuse my girlfriend, my dad I know I was in shock for a while, he sat on the floor and put his hand on his forehead and was completely silent for about 10 minutes until my uncles called him because they were going to take my brother to the hospital.
After they took my brother I went to look for my girlfriend and found her talking to my sister about what just had happened, I said goodbye to my sister and we left, all the way to our house she couldn't stop crying, she was confused, angry and by the time we got home she kept crying until she fell asleep and that was her routine for a couple of days until little by little she could talk again, in those days my family kept me informed of my condition brother, I had broken his nose and dislocated his jaw, my mother was the one in denial, incredulous that her son was capable of something like that but I didn't think much about it because in the end each person reacts different and also to a certain point I understood why my mom was trying to explain my brother's actions, the last thing I heard from him was that after he left the hospital everyone turned their backs on him for what he did, they fired him from his work and left town.
The following weeks I cut off almost any contact with the outside world and focused on helping my girlfriend, to say the least she was handling the situation as best she could, she was still very scared about what had happened and had no energy at all, but after almost a moth of being home. She had to go to work, but she returned after a few hours because she told me that she couldn't stop feeling threatened, that she was in danger and that at any moment someone was going to try to do something bad to her.
**The OP couldn't post the entire story in this one post, so he continued it in a comment:**
When she calmed down, I suggested that the best thing to do would be to seek professional help and although the idea did not seem the best to her at first, she ended up accepting it, and it really was the best for both of us. Right after the therapy began, she began to improve and after almost 2 months in therapy, her therapist suggested that perhaps I should start taking some sessions too, not only so that I could fully understand her therapist situation and help her properly, but also because she told her therapist that since the incident I had almost none any contact with someone other than her and that I had never really spoken about how I felt, at first it sounded strange but I was not going to question the recommendation of her therapist, even though she told me that. I was only going beacuse i thought i would be able to let out the"little" things I had accumulated. I can remember that in the first session in ended up in a mess. I felt so angry not only with my brother, but also with myself, I was repressing what I felt because I didn't stop blaming myself, for not have noticed my brother's behavior and above all I felt powerless because I couldn't protect her like I always said I would and that he was afraid, that something like that could happen to him again and I couldn't help it. After several sessions things finally start looking better, we both improve our mental state even decided to take self defense classes and a few weeks ago I proposed to her.
When I told my family, everyone congratulated me, but my mother remained a little quiet and when no one was looking, she asked me if we could talk alone later. When we were alone she told me that she was very happy for me and for her but that she needed to tell me something, that's when she told me that she had been in contact with my brother since the pandemic began. She told me that my brother looked for her to find out if she and my father were okay, that if he could help them in any way and that he felt sorry for what he had done, my mother kept telling me things about him until she told me something that almost made me makes me yell at her
She told me, "I think it's time for you to forgive your brother", before she could continue talking I left the room, took my keys and went home; When I arrived I told my fiancee what my mother told me and she was as upset as I was by my mother's words and I couldn't believe she said that. The following days, along with congratulations on my engagement, I also received questions about my brother and that, if we had spoken again, if her already reconnect and things like that, I tried to ignore these situations as much as possible until 4 days ago my mother called me saying that she had told my brother about my engagement and that he was coming to town next week because he wanted to talk to me, I argued with my mom because she had no right to tell him something like that, I hung up on her and have had no contact with her since, after that some relatives have told me that maybe my mother is right and that I should give my brother a second chance, I reached my limit yesterday afternoon when my father called me to tell me that I had to be a good brother and at least try. Even my father asks me to forgive my brother for what he did, suddenly everyone forgot what he did, that 4 years is enough to forget about what he did and I honestly can't understand how they can think like that. I honestly don't know what to think about my family right now, just that I'm upset with them and I definitely don't want to see my brother again, I wrote here because I needed to vent and my therapist appointment was postponed and I needed to vent, maybe reddit It's not the most professional choice, but I needed to get my feelings out somehow and I appreciate whoever is reading this.
PD: To all those who took the time to read this I sincerely thank you, English is not my first language so I apologize for any grammar mistakes and if anything from my story is not clear I will reply, thanks again
**Notable comment which sums this up:**
So you mother is protecting AND expecting you to forgive a r@pist/sexual predator??? Maybe her “sounds racist but isn’t” attitude means she thinks less of your partner?? What would her reaction be if someone attempted to r@pe your sister - I’m guessing she wouldn’t be all “forgive and forget”?
Act accordingly, your family are willing to sacrifice you, your partner and your relationship just to play happy families with a r@pist!
And she’s a woman! How dare she!
Honestly op, you might as well go NC now because just the fact they’ve expressed this desire of reconciliation is the mail in the “happy family coffin”.
Your fiancé now knows they don’t stand by her or you and that what nearly happened under their own roof is now NBD.
They are asking her to smile, come to BBQs, open Xmas gifts, and laugh at a dinner table across from your brother who sexually assaulted her twice, and be totally cool with it.
Let’s face it, your mother hasn’t believed your fiancé from the beginning. She believes, probably, that it’s a misunderstanding and being drunk you probably thought you saw something different, that yes they were in a room alone and that was ‘wrong of him to do, but you overreacted because they were drinking and things got out of hand’ (or something else ridiculous).
Your mother straight up disgusts me, as a fellow woman, as a fellow mom of boys, as a fellow member of society.
It’s over with them. They chose. And it wasn’t your side that they picked. Leave town and start over. If he comes back, she may never feel safe to even leave your front porch on a daily basis
**Post 2:** [Update: My family wants me to forgive my brother after he tried to r0pe my fiancee](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16f5fsi/update_my_family_wants_me_to_forgive_my_brother/) (Posted September 10th, 2023)
Hi everyone. Well I really never expect to update, or at least not so soon, the moment I posted I was doing it because I really need to vent my feelings somewhere but I never expect to be treated so kindly by all of you Thank you, I especially want to thank everyone who sends their blessings and good desires to my fiancee. Also I want to give some answers to the general questions some of you had:
I don't know if in my previous post I let you understand that I was thinking to forgive my brother which I am never going to do, so for clarification i no longer have a brother, that man died for me 4 years ago.
Second of all, not every member of my family is thinking to forgive my brother in any way possible, It is the minority of my family that thinks this, I could easily go NC with all of those except for my parents and also clarifying that my sister is in my side, she is the best friend of my fiancee and the only one besides me that knows how much she suffer the first month after the incident.
Third, for some of you that asked for what I told my mom and dad, I generally told them that if I knew that my brother was in town I would never speak to them again.
What had been doing my brother this last year's, well when my mom told he contacted her at the beginning of the pandemic he basically move to the other side of our country, change his name and start taking therapy so one day he could reform. Bullshit, I didn't hear much more and neither my sister has asked my parents about him, so that's all we know
Someone also DM about why my brother wasn't in jail, while I responded to that person in private, I also want to tell everyone here. The main reason because I beat up my brother until the point he had to be taken to the hospital, when I consulted a lawyer friend of mine, she told me that if I pressed charges against my brother he could also drag me with him I was going to be in jail for some time and also that my then girlfriend needed to testify and she wasn't in the best moments for something like that, and also my priority in that moment was her I couldn't help her if I was in jail.
The best we had at that time was a restriction order for her. Also one of the reasons I hadn't posted and updated sooner was because we both got a restriction order for my brother. I hadn't told my parents about this so if my brother showed up at any moment they were going to take him to the local police station.
Also some of you mentioned that the attitude that my mom had in these situations is because, like I mentioned in my previous post, my girlfriend isn't from our community but that is not the reason I can assure you that. So now talking about everyone expected. Why did I respond to my family? Well I already had prepared something to say to all of them that were thinking to forgive my brother and for my parents give them an ultimatum about to pick between their son a man who tried to r0pe his brother fiancee or me and their daughter. But I realized something else, while I was reading the comments of my previous post, to make my thoughts make me think about a horrible possibility that might happen. The comments were basically about how my brother was confident enough to try to r0pe my fiancee in a house full of people and that for the reaction of my parents these days that there was the possibility that my brother had done something like that before and even worse that my parents cover it.
That question shook my world again, I never thought about that possibility. It was obvious that I was thinking too much about it that my fiancee asked me about what I was thinking.
(NOTE: A few hours after I posted I told her and asked her if she wanted me to delete the post but after reading the first comments and the rest of them that told me that she understood why I did and she really felt nice to all those people who sent nice messages and support for her, thanks again)
When I told her about the possibility about my brother trying or doing things like that to other people in the past and she also got a shiver down her spine, after that we told my sister and then began to ask other members of my family (the ones who support me), friends, and members of my community about if they ever noticed something of my brother before the incident. So far no one of my family remembers if my brother had that kind of attitude against family members but friends are a different story. Some of them remember that my brother was especially kind around friends or girlfriends of other members of my family, sometimes a little too touchy but not anything that far as an attempt of r0pe.
It was until my sister reached out to a sister of an ex-girlfriend of my brother that she talked about that my brother was really strange around her family and that since my brother was dating her sister she noticed she was extremely quiet around him and she also mentioned that my brother acted too flirty with her. We also contacted an ex coworker of my brother and she told us that one night after a company party she remembers that my brother took another coworker with him but from what she can remember she saw that her friend was really drunk at that time and the morning after she couldn't remember much of the last night.
This whole situation had made me realize that my brother was never the person I thought he was. After hearing more stories I and now convince that by brother is a menace for everyone around him. Since yesterday everyone involved had reunion all the possible evidence against my brother and when we are ready we are going to show everything to everyone in our community, in social media and to anyone we can
I also have to said that I haven't talked to any of these to my parents, tomorrow morning I am going to drop the bomb along with and ultimatum and I am also going to tall them that if we found any probe that shows that anyone know about the things my brother had done, they are also going to pay the consequences.
I am not going to be able to update for a while or at least not any big update about these until my brother is facing consequences. This is not how I imagined the weeks after my proposal but this is something we can let slide up. My fiancee has been there for me in every step and I had done my best to be for her in all of these. I can't imagine how she feels now, but I am soo proud of her, and that she doesn't fear to face her trauma if that allows her to help others.
Again thanks to all of you who showed their support
**The OP made one mistake; in the line that says "a man who tried to r0pe his brother fiancee or me and their daughter" he meant THEIR daughter. He was referring to his sister who is pregnant, and he corrected this mistake in a comment.**
**FINAL POST:** [Update 2: My family wants me to forgive my brother after he tried to r0pe my fiancee](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/17nwuog/update_2_my_family_wants_me_to_forgive_my_brother/) (Posted November 4th, 2023)
Hi everyone again, I know it has been a while since I last updated but I wanted to post a complete update once the problem was solved, One more I want to thank everyone who sent their good wishes to me, my fiancee and to any other possible victim of my brother Now to the main theme. What has happened? While the aftermath is still ongoing I am happy to tell everyone here that my brother is facing justice for his actions.
So back when I last updated, my fiancee, some friends and I started to look through my brother's history, searching if he ever abused or tried to abuse any other women, and once the evidence was ready make my brother face consequences At the end we ended with the cases of 8 different women, including my fiancee, that were somehow molested by my brother, these including ex girlfriends, ex coworkers, and 2 actual coworkers of him.
I also mentioned that once we were ready I was going to show my parents what kind of monster they were defining and also that we were going to show everyone the information through social media. But neither of those things happen like we had planned, mostly because our lawyer advised because if I showed my parents the information there was the possibility that my parents tried to cover my brothers back and prevent him of the things we had planned for him. I didn't think about that possibility, at first, mostly because part wanted to try to knock some common sense on my parents minds but at that point I could trust them because there was the possibility they have covered up my brother's actions before.
And that spreading the information through social media was something that my brother could use in his favor by claiming defamation and that basically would complicated things needlessly. So the confrontation with my parents would have to wait, also mentioning that during that time I went completely NC with them because I didn't want them to screw things over and because I couldn't trust them anymore. Here I have to mention my sister, she took one for the team and all this time she pretended with them to be in a "neutral position" while in reality she was helping me and my fiancee. During that time my sister learned more things about the time my brother was gone.
The main things she learned were these.
After the incident in the party my brother basically moved to the other side of the country because he had a friend over there because my family had common sense at that time and turned his back against him.
When he started to live there he basically told everyone the history that his family had disowned him because they found out he was having an affair with his brother girlfriend (Yes the fcker had the audacity to tell that story talking about my fiancee)
Since I mentioned before there was no police file because the night of the incident I basically sent him to the hospital and because of that we couldn't proceed with legal actions without my brother dragging me with him, that's why brother was able to get a job and rebuild his life
My brother first contacted my parents at the end of 2021, the worst part of the pandemic in my country, and since then he and my mother have maintained regular contact, she and my father even visited him a few times.
And finally, maybe the worst, well it turns out during those years. My brother has a daughter Basically his daughter was the result of a one night stand, he basically got a girl pregnant in April of 2021 they agreed to co-parent because neither of them wanted to get married and finally in December of that same year they had my niece. My brother introduced them to my parents and sister 2 weeks before all the evidence was ready, and when she gave me the notice it was like a bowl of cold water splashing against my face.
At first I couldn't believe what my sister told be but she showed me pictures of them, for that instant my world tremble again because now not only my family has to face the truth but also his family, but then I realized that child was another reason to continue to seek for justice, because we couldn't risk her of her mom to be in contact with my brother. Once again my fiancee and I were there for each other, if this whole situation has been difficult for me, I can't imagine what is for here, I dude I am able to fully understand how it is to overcome a traumatic experience like what she lived and be able and be capable to revive it in other to help others, the minimum I can do for her is to be with her in every step on these whole process.
Finally after all of these the day arrived, my brother was in my parents house when the police showed up and according to my sister it wasn't pretty, it only took the police knocking on the door for my brother to start running and the police finally catched him, he tried to fight back with ended with him being tased and adding the charge of aggression against a police officer. After 2 days in lockdown my brother was sent to prison during the process of the trial.
The trail was a whole process, in and outside the court, during the trial two of the women who were assaulted by my brother broke down in tears while there were testifying, my fiancee was able to maintain a straight face during her testimony but after we were alone she start sobbing and o start sobbing with her but I was able to calm her, that moment and when my parents and my sister showed up to testify were the moments I broke down, that man finally was facing justice but he had already had done so much damage I fill like many of the girls won't be able to fully forget but rather learn to live with the trauma, it was the hardest week of my life, but finally, after some many time my brother was found guilty of 8 charges, he is going to be the rest of his life in prison, of course he tried to at least drag me with him because of the "excessive use of self defense force" (words of his lawyer) but the judge dismissed the accusation.
As for my niece, the mother was originally in denial but after showing her the evidence she was more than willing to help us in all of these, as for my parents and those who supported my brother, it is going to be hard to never seen them again, mostly my parents but I can't trust them, not anymore and while I now I am loosing a part of my family my future seems bright beside the women I love.
Now I feel like a weight has been lifted, not only for me and my fiancee but for all the other women who were harmed by my brother. I can only express my gratitude and my admiration for all those women, and also for every person that who shared a similar story in the comments of my previous posts, to all those women and men who have ever been victims of something as horrible as this, I give you my best wishes so that you can live a peaceful life and for all those who have afraid to speak I can tell you that you are not alone, this situation showed me that there are more good people than bad and that there will always be someone willing to extend their hand to help, I hope that my fiancee's story can reach the right ears and help to those who need it, I feel that a stage of our life has ended. But at the end I feel like it is a new beginning for everyone who disserves it.
*Now that the excuse-of-a-human-being-brother is finally sent to jail, this story is flaired as concluded. Honestly, what were the family thinking trying to forgive someone for doing an act that could give somebody PTSD? I hope OP cuts his losses and has a beautiful journey with his fiancee.*
**REMINDER: I am NOT the OP.** | 3,127 | 2023-12-23T22:36:24 | OP's family wants him to forgive his brother after what he did to his fiancee. | CONCLUDED | TheseNuts10105 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18pgwdi/ops_family_wants_him_to_forgive_his_brother_after/ | false | false | [
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18pny9m | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwawayhalfmylife/
**My boyfriend [30M] of 16 years won't commit to me [29F] even in small ways.**
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!infidelity, emotional abuse, controlling behavior!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/jcBqguFGgK) **Oct 27, 2015**
Throwaway because boyfriend is a redditor.
I love my boyfriend. We've been together since high school and when I picture my future, it always includes him. I'm not sure he feels the same way.
My boyfriend Rick (name changed) and I live together. In fact, we own a home together. Even though we own a home together and have been together for 16 years, I still feel like just a roommate to him, like he can't really commit to me. Here are some things he does that kind of make me question whether he's really "in this" or not with me:
- Though we live together and own a home together, we keep our bank accounts separate. He also insists on paying the mortgage by himself, with his own account, every month. I pay some utilities and buy groceries, almost as though I'm paying "rent" to live in his home.
- Rick has not allowed me to put any personal touches on our home. Though we've lived in it for a while, it looks the same as when we moved in, with the exception of the room his computer is in, which is decorated to his liking. Every time I mention something we could do (like paint) or show him something I like, he either tells me it's dumb or says he doesn't like it. I don't push him because I don't want to start an argument.
- Rick and I recently got engaged. Now, I know that doesn't scream commitment issues, but hear me out. A few years ago a couple of close friends of ours got engaged. I was upset because I've had to watch all of my friends get married after being with their boyfriends for much shorter periods of time. He caught on to the bad mood I was in during their engagement and wedding, and I told him why I was upset. So a week after their wedding he agreed to get me a ring. I went with him to buy it. I thought I was finally getting somewhere, but he told me it wasn't an engagement, and that I could wear it, but he'd ask when he was ready. It's like he bought the ring to shut me up about marriage.
- After months of his friends cracking jokes about our "non engagement", he finally just decided one night while we were at home that it could be official. He said he had a huge plan to surprise me to propose, but I never heard anything else about it. It wasn't my dream proposal, but it was finally happening so I said yes.
- He insisted on a long engagement (at least a year), and didn't want to set a date at first. I began planning and looking at wedding stuff because I figured it would eventually happen, but he never seemed interested. It's been about 6 months and we've picked a date (with much pushing on my part), but he wants nothing to do with any wedding planning unless it's to voice his dislike of something I've done. He spends most of his days on his computer when he's not at work, and if he does happen to come out to see me, he goes right back shortly after if I so much as bring up the wedding. He has very strong opinions about what our wedding shouldn't be, but doesn't want to talk about the wedding at all to give me an idea of what he does want.
- Every idea I have for the wedding gets shot down. It's almost as though he's trying to stop the wedding from ever happening by making sure I can't plan it.
- He told my close friend's husband (they're friends) that he regrets proposing because I've been "going crazy" about the wedding, and that he wouldn't have proposed had he known what I was going to act like. Like what, he's surprised that wedding planning takes place after you get engaged!? I don't think I'm going overboard about any of it, but it's a huge deal to me. I've spent over half of my life with this man and I've always dreamed of a huge wedding.
I just don't know what to do. It's like he agrees to commit to me in certain ways, but when it comes to actually doing anything concrete he can't do it. It's hard to talk to friend's about it because the ones who do know the whole situation think he proposed just to get everyone (including me) off of his back about it. What do you guys think?
**tl;dr**: BF/Fiance of 16 years has no problem agreeing to commit to me, but when it comes time to actually do it he's flaky/reserved. I feel more like a roommate than his future wife.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDITIONAL INFO FROM OOP**
>This is honestly what hurt the most: that he told mutual friends of ours that he essentially doesn't want to marry me :( I'm afraid that he proposed because our family and friends were always asking when it was going to happen. It got to the point that when we would visit his family, they'd ask us "so did it happen yet?" and we'd know they meant an engagement.
>I worry he's with me because we have a semi-open relationship, and he doesn't think he can find another woman who'd agree to that. I don't think I'm explaining it right, but essentially we can sleep with other people as long as we're both there.
**OOP on whose idea it was for the open relationship**
>It was his idea, and now I think it may have been his way of getting the best of both world's without having to commit to either :\
**~**
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/kqDAJSjWRP) **Nov 9, 2015**
I just wanted to thank every one of you who took the time to read my first post and for all of the support I've received since.
A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks, so I figured I'd post an update.
I hired a lawyer and moved out one day while Rick was at work. Because my name is on the title and the mortgage, my lawyer assures me he either has to sell the house and split the profit with me, or buy me out. I know he can't afford to buy me out, so I assume we'll put it up for sale. I get most of my things out of the house, except for a vanity and a dresser that are too heavy for my friends and I to move. I moved out the day before Halloween.
Since then, I've messaged Rick a few times to see what we're going to do about the house and to schedule a time to come pick up the rest of my furniture. He's pretty evasive about all of it, so last Thursday I showed up at the house with some friends to help me get my stuff. He's changed the locks, so I can't get in. We wait for him to get off of work and come back, and he lets me in to get my stuff. All he said before he let me in was "You asked for this, so I don't want to hear it". I didn't know what he meant.
I was absolutely not prepared to walk through that door, but when I did it became obvious why he didn't want me to come pick up my stuff. I didn't even recognize the house that I lived in just a week prior. It was painted, there was furniture and art and things everywhere, and I could tell by looking around that Rick didn't do this by himself. There are pictures of him and some woman all over the place. They have to go back at least a year, because one of them was taken on New Year's, though I couldn't tell what year.
I just left. I can buy more furniture, but I couldn't spend a second more in that house. Rick texted me right after I left saying "we're not selling, we're just going to buy you out". I was at a complete loss for words. I'm still in shock. I spent 16 years with that asshole, and he was with someone else for who knows how long.
I'm trying to get over it the best I can, but it's hard. It would be hard leaving just because we've been together so long, but to find out that your life was pretty much a lie was a hard pill to swallow. What hurts even more is that for years I tried to decorate my house to make it a home and he wouldn't let me. She couldn't have lived with him for more than a week, and the house already looks different.
I honestly don't know how I was so blind, but I'm glad I got out when I did, even if he did waste half of my life.
**tl;dr**: I ended a 16 year relationship because my fiance is seemingly uninterested in committing to me, only to find out that he was dating someone while we were together, and they've now moved into our home together.
**Edit to add mini update:** I just want to thank everyone again for all of their support. A lot of you pointed out that my name would still be on the mortgage even if I sell, so I've decided not to sign the paperwork accepting the buyout. Rick was not okay with this, and has been blowing up my phone ever since he found out today calling me a "petty bitch", and that I was just trying to ruin his life because he was finally happy. I know they're both pissed off because they put a lot of effort into the home in the short time since I've left, and honestly I kind of feel better that they won't be able to enjoy it. I know it sounds terrible, but making this harder on them is making me feel better about the entire situation. For the majority of our relationship, I felt like he was always the one in control of everything. It's nice to have the final say.
I know I've said a lot how he's wasted half of my life, and I'd like to clarify that I don't think I'm too old or that it's too late for me, just that I couldn't understand why this man would string someone along for as long as he did. He's pretty much all I've known, and it took a lot for me to leave him. I feel like I've missed out on a lot of the dating experience, but I think I'll be okay. I'm just going to enjoy being alone for right now.
Since I moved out I've been staying with a friend. I signed a lease for a one bedroom apartment today, so by this time next week I'll have my own place. I've already bought a bunch of things to decorate it with, and I didn't have to get anyone's permission to do so :)
**RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP**
**On if the other woman knew about her**
>I'm not sure if she knew about me. She knows I'm the ex now, and I own half of the house, though I'm not sure she's aware of how recently we were together and I was living there. Last New Year's Eve I was out of state because my mother was in the hospital. Before that, I had a job managing in retail, and I typically always had to work either late into New Year's Eve or early New Year's Day. The picture could have been taken between 2011 until this last new year.
>I'll definitely be going back to get my furniture. I was just so shocked at the time that I couldn't be there. When I get really angry I cry, and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.
**~**
**When told that as long as her name is on the mortgage, she can't be barred from the home**
>I don't know why I didn't think of this! It didn't even cross my mind to mention to my lawyer that he's been preventing me access to a home I own. I'm definitely going to speak to my lawyer about making sure I get a new key and making sure she can no longer live there. I don't care how vindictive that sounds, I've earned the right to be a little vindictive.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 6,497 | 2023-12-24T05:00:11 | My boyfriend [30M] of 16 years won't commit to me [29F] even in small ways. | INCONCLUSIVE | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18pny9m/my_boyfriend_30m_of_16_years_wont_commit_to_me/ | false | false | [
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18pnybr | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/steveitsteve
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
**AITAH for pretending to be gay to knowingly piss off a homophobic person?**
Trigger Warnings: >!homophobia, emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, violation of privacy!<
----
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18j7d2h/aitah_for_pretending_to_be_gay_to_knowingly_piss/?share_id=yGBTCxrKyyiNKYT6ojI21&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **December 15, 2023**
Hi I 20m and my roommate 20m had an acquaintance (22m) over our apartment last night to watch football. We know him from basketball at the rec center, but never really got to know him as a person. Anyways, we thought it would be a fun break from studying for finals, and he acted normal for the first hour or so.
About 8pm or so, I get a surprise call from my mom, she was driving down to a city close to us for a work meeting today, and she wanted to stop by for a bit. It turns out her and my roommates parents put together a little care package as a gift for the end of our semester. Its important to note, him and I have been like best friends for the past 15 years so we are basically family at this point.
She comes up, meets the acquaintance and drops it off. She does not spend much time their though since she wants to get to her hotel. Well we open it up, it has some nice dark chocolate (not the hersheys crap) A few bottles of buffalo trace, pre workout, premium coffee, protiene powder, soaps, cat toys and a personalized picture. It was a picture of my roommate and I on moving day with our cats. His dad made a custom wood burned frame with our names at the top, and the cats names at the bottom. It honestly made me a bit emotional its easily the best gift in the box.
After the acquaintance saw that he said "that's the (fa slur-iest) thing I ever saw." My roommate tells him to shut up, and than the dude says "I just don't like that stuff its not right." my roommate than he texts me "lets mess with this dude come sit on my lap." so I do than and he put his arms around my chest. He starts to mess with my hair and not 30 seconds later the guy makes some excuse to leave our apartment and bolts for the door.
Now both of us are straight, but cant stand homophobic people. We had a bully in high school that used a bunch of homophobic slurs towards us, so I think that is where that comes from. Anyways today he gets a snap from his gf saying that her best friend is pissed. It turns out the acquaintance has my roommates gf's best friends social media info and he hit her up last night with a bunch of lies. He said that we where making out, when that never happened. She hates my roommate and I now since she thinks that hes a cheater, but his gf finds it hilarious.
I personally don't see it as cheating, both of us have been cheated on and would never do something that could remotely constitute that since those girls broke our hearts at the time. His gf is actually proud of us, and said that it took balls to do that, but now she is having a riff with her best friend and we both feel bad. Even after we explained exactly what we did, her best friend still says that my roommates a cheater. My personal theory is she wants them to break up since she has less time with her friend.
so AITAH, or we in this case. We really did not think it would be a problem, him and I genuinely have no attraction towards each other in that way. I asked my ex whom im still close with, and she said if we did that while we where still dating she would see no problem with it, but did say the playing with my hair thing was a bit much.
**AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the top comments, OOP was NTA**
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**quad-shot:** NTA that’s hilarious. The gf’s best friend needs to chill, it’s not her relationship and the girlfriend is in total support of y’all.
Also, for anyone saying it’s wrong of y’all to pretend to be gay when you’re straight - if the purpose is to piss off a homophobe, you’re just being an ally as far as I’m concerned.
> **OOP:** Thank you. I cant speak for my friend exactly, but im sure he had the same thought. but in my head I was thinking that hopefully this could make him re-evaluate how he thinks, and realize that his homophobia isolates him from people he otherwise would get along with perfectly fine, as well as hurting people.
>
> Ive seen it work before, on my freshman baseball team, one of our teammates came out to the whole team, knowing that he would be faced with backlash. By the end of the season, he had his boyfriend coming to games and the whole team embraced him. He stuck with it all four years, played varsity for 2 of them and really helped a lot of people realize how stupid their bias's are. I kinda figured out most bias comes from parents and its almost generational.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18kmjzw/update_to_aitah_for_pretending_to_be_gay_to/) - **December 17, 2023**
Please go back and read the [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18j7d2h/aitah_for_pretending_to_be_gay_to_knowingly_piss/?share_id=yGBTCxrKyyiNKYT6ojI21&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) if you have not, it provides context. The acquaintance apologized, however things went very off the rails with my roommates gf's "friend" (lets call her sally).
Ok so on with the update. The acquaintance came over yesterday morning to apologize. He showed up with bagels, and talked to us over breakfast. He gave us his excuses, like saying his dad was homophobic, and that he grew up in a small town and really did not know much else. Turns out his dad one of those super masculine men, and he instilled that on his son. The thing is, this was his fourth year in college and I would think he would of learned better by now. He told us he is really trying to get better with is, I guess his friends told him they are fed up with it after he asked them about this situation. He asked to hang out with one of our friends who is gay, in hopes that will help him get over his own bias, since he admitted it was irrational. I called the gay friend (lets call him Jerry) in question, and he said he is up for it, so that will probably happen soon.
I told Jerry the whole story after the acquaintance left. Jerry asked me about his friend group, and to cut to the chase his friend group is extremely diverse with people of all different cultures and even some international students. So this more or less gave Jerry hope that he was being genuine, and just a misled guy or even been through something we don't know. Jerry is also far more patient that I am, and more mature so I hope that the acquaintance is being genuine in wanting to change his ways, and Jerry can help him.
Ok now onto Sally, this is where things go a bit off the rails. So last night my roommate and I where originally just supposed to hang out and drink a bit, maybe play some video games. His gf ends up asking to come over, which is fine. The three of us end up playing some board games. I wanted to invite my ex too, since her and I are still good friends, but they helped me figure out that I was clinging onto too much hope and It would be best for me to move on since she had started talking to a new guy already (and I hope the best for her, he seems like a good person). Well they where right, and this ties into the next thing. I felt out of place, kind of like a third wheel. They both reassured me it was fine, but than my roommate gets the idea to invite sally to give her a chance to make things right with all the drama. His gf was still kind of mad at her but said it was fine and I was neutral about it but I decided why not.
So sally arrives, I think its about 10pm at this point. We all have a little talk with her that we don't want drama, we want it to be a fun night, and what happened a few days ago was the past so lets not bring it up and hopefully make good memory's. Things are good for a bit, we played Monopoly and talked and joked. Like I said, my roommate and I where drinking, his gf decided to stay sober Just in case their was an emergency or something, and sally did not drink since she does not like Whiskey. It came to a point, I was like 6 shots worth deep (not full glasses I would of been on the ground lol) my roommate told me that I should probably stop for the night. He could tell I was getting a bit in my feels about my ex and knew what came next was me being emotional and upset. He was right, so I stopped drinking for the night.
Well sally took that and tried to argue with him. She tried to tell me to drink more and I would feel better. Its like she was waiting to start something. I told her no, my roommate and I know each-others limits, and we hold each other to that since we don't want to be puking. My roommate also gave her the death stair lol. Him and his gf also try to change the subject to sports, but for some reason sally keeps wanting to bring up my ex, even though I really dont want to talk about it. My roommate and his gf get pissed at her for that, and im just sitting their thinking in my own head. At this point we stooped playing the game. I told them all to stop it, and lets just watch a funny movie.
Sally put her arm around me, and was like "see your upsetting Steve." I gently pushed it off and just told her not tonight, just to let me be. We do go watch a movie, but about halfway through I decide to go lay down since im tired. So I lay down, and put my earbuds in since I want to listen to music as I fall asleep.
Well, I got up this morning, sally was gone. I thought she was staying over, so I was a bit confused. My roommates gf is up (he was still sleeping) and she had made coffee. Well I asked her what happened to Sally, and oh boy. She told me that my roommate caught sally trying to get into my bedroom last night, I must not of herd it since I had noise canceling on my earbuds. She said it was like 5 minutes after I went to lay down and as they where going to bed. Sally's excuse was she did not believe me that I sleep with a stuffed animal, and my cat. She said she needed to "see for herself" that my cat does not eat my stuffy. My cat leaves him alone, he sleeps on the edge of the bed, and hes usually up a time or two for ether his liter box or water bowl, hes a well behaved cat. I sleep in my underwear, so I felt kinda violated. I locked the door luckily (all the cat stuff is contained in the room, and on suit bathroom), but still if I had not I dont want her seeing that.
My roommate and his gf kicked her out, but she told me they had a huge argument, no yelling but basically they are not friends anymore. I asked the details, but she said its best I dont know, said she said some very inappropriate things that I would find hurtful and uncomfortable, and since I have enough on my plate with my ex among other things. Her and my roommate, stuck up for me I am very grateful.
The last thing she told me, and kind of confessed to is she gave Sally many chances as a friend, and held onto the good times too much to logically evaluate the whole thing. She said sally was quite manipulative, and she kinda fell for it every time. She advised me if sally texts me, or trys to talk to me to keep it short, and if she ever trys to talk me into anything just to say no. When my roomate woke up, he just asked what his gf told me and hugged me. He also said that I really don't want to know what Sally said, he would tell me if I want but I decided its for the best to just to let it remain a mystery. Im kinda curious and might ask later, but again if its over and done with, it may not be worth spending my time thinking about. I trust that my roommates intuitions. He said sorry for wanting to invite her, but I told him its not his fault. I guess now all that is left is to watch some football, and pretend like this never happened.
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 2,300 | 2023-12-24T05:00:16 | AITAH for pretending to be gay to knowingly piss off a homophobic person? | ONGOING | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18pnybr/aitah_for_pretending_to_be_gay_to_knowingly_piss/ | false | false | [
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18pnyue | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Puzzled_Cut9144
**I think my husband is sleeping with the babysitter**
**Originally posted to** r/Marriage
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!possible infidelity!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/uFyJ5ZSIjr) **Dec 13, 2023**
I’m still trying to process this in my mind while typing this out. Husband and I have been together for 6 years married for 4. We have 2 children a 2 year old, and 4 year old. Both of us work full time, I’m realtor and husband owns his own business. We’ve had a number of different nannies in the past. Sometimes our parents end up watching the kids.
About 8 months ago my husband told me that one of his friend’s daughter (we’ll call her Ella(20F) ) was looking for a part time job during college. We live in a small college town, so her commute wouldn’t be far. We tried her out one night, and it went smoothly. She’s always been nice to me, and the kids love her.
My suspicions started last month when I came home early to find my husband had been home. Ella was also at the house babysitting. I asked my husband why he didn’t send her home if he was home. His response was “She’s just trying to make a little money, and that the kids were having fun”. Then 2 weeks ago I drove by my husband’s office on the way to a meeting, and her car was parked there. I asked my husband later about what Ella was doing at the office. He said that she probably stopped by to see her dad. Now when I come home home Ella is always dressed up more with makeup done, and heels on. 2 days ago I found strands of blonde hair in the back seat of my husband’s truck. I have blonde hair, but this was closer to Ella’s shade. Also I don’t think my husband would do anything in the backseat since he’s 6’6 240 pounds.
Last night I found the opportunity to check my husband’s phone while he was with the kids. I didn’t find any romantic texts between them, but I could definitely tell that text messages had been deleted. If you read the conversation it didn’t make sense, because it was obviously missing the middle part. I talked to my friend this morning, and she pointed out that my husband has a type (blonde women). Ella falls perfectly in that category. Should I confront him right now, or should I wait to find something more concrete?
**Update 1:** Nanny is currently at the house right now. Tracked husband using Find my iPhone, and he’s also headed home (30 minute drive). They both think I’ll be working until 7pm today. I’m going to walk into the house 15 minutes after husband gets home unannounced. Not sure what the plan is if I catch them. I unfortunately don’t have access to his phone logs, since his phone plan is through his business. We have cameras on the outside of the house. We have a baby monitor near the kid’s bed. I’m not ready to fire her unless I get solid evidence of my husband cheating. I need to know if my husband is having any sort of romantic relationship with her first.
**Update 2:** I wasn’t able to get the concrete evidence I was looking for, but some more circumstantial evidence. Tracked husband through find my iPhone. He stopped on his way home at the grocery store for 10 minutes. I decided to park and wait on a side street. That way I could see when my husband would get home. Husband got home at 5:30pm. Ella was scheduled to work until 6pm.
We have a long gravel driveway that leads to our house, I decided to park near the barn so I wouldn’t be heard pulling up to the house. Walked in the front door, and found Ella feeding my 4 year old. She was also preparing dinner in the kitchen. Today she had on a tight top, skirt, and platform heels. I asked if she knew where my husband was, she replied “he was upstairs taking a shower”. She then immediately went over to the living room to pick up her phone and send a text message to someone.
Also in the living room were a fresh bouquet of flowers. I asked her about the flowers, and she said a guy she’s been seeing gave them to her today. She said she didn’t want to leave them in the car, so she brought them inside. I asked her about the guy that she was seeing. She said he was from school, and wasn’t sure if it was going anywhere. I went upstairs to see if my husband left his phone was in the bedroom. He left his phone on the dresser.
Sure enough the newest text message was from Ella that read “Your wife is home” I tried looking up the deleted messages on his phone, but they had been permanently deleted. I decided to wait in our bedroom for my husband to come out of the shower. He comes out and is surprised to see me in the bedroom. Told him my 6:30 showing got canceled. I tried to initiate sex to see how he would react. He said he didn’t feel comfortable doing it while Ella was in the house.
At this point Ella was upstairs in my younger son’s room which shares a wall with our room. Ella leaves the house at 6pm with the flowers. After dinner my husband mentioned to me about buying Ella a new car for Christmas, and his reasoning was that her car was old and not safe for our kids to ride in. I told him that I would think about it. I’m thinking about firing her on Monday without telling my husband, and see how they both react. I’m still trying to process everything going on.
Still hoping all of this is just me overthinking. I really love my husband, and I can’t stand the thought of our beautiful family splitting up. Thanks for all the advice
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**whimsyoak**
>Not sure if this has been asked yet but:
>(1) how did you guys meet her?
>(2) is her father your husband’s colleague?
**OOP**
>>Ella’s dad is one of the sales reps that works for my husband.
**~**
**britnastyyy**
>The car purchase suggestion to me was the fishiest thing of all.
**OOP**
>>Ella’s family is not a family of means, but she now has a new IPhone, new clothes, jewelry, and shoes. I didn’t put both together until my husband suggested buying her a brand new car. We share a bank account for bills, but we also both have separate accounts. Also I just remembered last week my husband came home with a new jacket. He told me that he liked it, so he bought it. My husband never buys clothes for himself.
**~**
**acnh_evergreen**
>There’s no reason to be coming in heels and all dressed up to babysit two toddlers if there wasn’t something else going on.
**OOP**
>>I 100% agree with this. When she first started she would come in baggy clothing. Now she comes in dresses or skirts. My husband likes my nails white. Ella has white nails now too.
**AmberIsla**
>>>That’s sus
**OOP**
>>>>Husband has a foot fetish, which is why the heels are messing with my head so much. She went from sneakers to sandal heels.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/hInxslTcUv) **Dec 17, 2023**
I would like to thank everyone for their support, and ideas on how to deal with this situation.
Yesterday morning I met up with Ella and told her that we wouldn’t be needing her services anymore due to my little sister being available to watch the kids (which is true). She quietly said that she understood, and said to let her know if I would change my mind.
Husband called me 5 minutes later sounding very upset about Ella being fired. I think Ella told him, but he claimed her dad told him that we fired her. I told him that was my final decision, and there was no changing it. He came home 20 minutes later and asked me why I didn’t talk to him first about firing her. I told him about everything I’ve noticed between them from the texts to the clothing attire she wears. He denied everything, and said it was all in my head. I told him if you want this marriage not to end in a divorce he had to cut all contact with Ella.
After 1 hour of arguing he finally agreed to not contact her anymore. I honestly don’t have the mental energy to deal with a divorce, split my kids, date again. I don’t want to be the single mom always busy and unhappy.
I told him to never bring her up again. I don’t know 100 percent if they had an affair, but I think it’s better for my health not to find out. I think I’m going to quit my job, and raise my kids, work on my marriage. I’m not sure if this was all because I’ve been working a lot of hours and have been distant from my husband. Thanks again for all the support. One more thing men stop messaging me pictures of your private parts on Reddit.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**OOP**
>Completely forgot to add that I told his mom.
**Big-Red-7**
>>What did his mom say?
**OOP**
>>>Said not to worry about it, and that she’ll take care of it. He’s been at her house all day. I trust her, because I’m closer to her than my mom. Lol
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 8,185 | 2023-12-24T05:00:57 | I think my husband is sleeping with the babysitter | ONGOING | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18pnyue/i_think_my_husband_is_sleeping_with_the_babysitter/ | false | false | [
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18pnz02 | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Visual-Background-94
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
**AITA for leaving my(26M) fiancee(26F) over not having sex**
Trigger Warnings: >!manipulation, verbal abuse!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17jyoun/aita_for_leaving_my26m_fiancee26f_over_not_having/?share_id=0661rFKIZMZhop-QFgvfY&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 30, 2023**
Exactly what the title reads. I'll try to keep it short.
I(26M) and my fiancee(26F) have been together for over 5 years now. In the first 3 years of the relationship our intimacy was amazing. We were each others' first and explored our likes/dislikes together. However in the last years it's almost non-existent. It happened out of nowhere. She started being disinterested in intimacy. At first I thought it was a phase but it's the case for 2 years now. I am always the one who initiates(and gets rejected in the end). I asked her if there is a problem and if there is anything I can do better but she said there is nothing going on. She rejects getting her hormones checked. Mind you she is not on birth control. I tried to give her space for months but it did not work either.
Every other aspect of our relationship is good, at least for me. She also agreed to it when I asked. I have a relatively high libido and I started going nuts for the last few months now. Only time we have sex is when I "earn" it. Yes, it's a reward for ur anniversary day and other small occasions. I do not feel desired nor wanted and it's the most important part of intimacy for me. I do not want to have sex with a laying wood. Long story short, after having one last talk with her I told her I want to break up, which she did not welcome. She told me it would get better once we are married, even tried to initiate intimacy at that very moment. To be honest, I do not think that'll get any better. It's like thinking that marriage will get better and every problem will be resolved once you have children.
Since then, mutual friends, my and her family, and other people have been criticizing me. They even call me "sex-crazed". At first I have been trying to ignore the comments but it has gotten so extensive that I doubt my choice. AITA here?
Edit: Thank you for all the kind advices and messages. I read a lot of men had it even worse after marriage. Some people wrote to me explaining their current situation after marriage. I'll not listen to the words of mutual friends & family. I understood that I made the right decision here.
**AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the comments, OOP was NTA**
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**Vix_00:** Did you even consider therapy? More often than problems with hormones a problem in relationship results in lack of sex and intimacy. From what is said you both are not well aware of mechanisms that stand behind this types of issues. Plain and simple.
>**OP:** Couple therapy is not popular in my country which results in not having good therapists. Also, even the individual therapy is hella expensive. She refused to communicate problems to me(if there was any) and said everything is okay. To be honest, I have no idea what I could do better.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18kdsml/update_aita_for_leaving_my26m_fiancee26f_over_not/?share_id=egrWO7JVhTyCY5z8HKhgD&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **December 17, 2023**
Hi everyone! Here for a quick update because I get messages non-stop from fellow redditors.
*Did you break up with her?*
Yes, I broke up with her and blocked her on every social platform I am on. I also explained situation to those who were criticizing me and cut contact with everyone who continued to do so after my explanation. I lost my friend circle in the process but whatever.
*It's possible that she has been cheating on you all the time*
Might be the case, idk and probably never will. There is no need for me to dig further now everything is said and done. I would probably hurt myself more in the process.
*How I am doing and feeling now after 2 months*
Normal i suppose? At first it hurt, i felt guilty but that is not the case anymore. Last month, I went to Eastern Europe for a business trip and been staying here for the last 45 days at an Airbnb. I work from home so it's easy for me to take my laptop and work at wherever I want. I do not get the chance to go abroad that much so trying to have as much fun as possible.
I also learnt that I am very appealing to women here lol. During my relationship, I always thought I was the problem. I could get more sexually appealing, my looks, how I dress etc. could be better. Well, apparently it was not the case. Hung out with few Tinderellas here. I was anxious since I have been only 1 person before but it was PHENOMENAL.
Overall doing great and trying to enjoy my time till new year. This will be my last update about the situation.
Stay strong kings and queens, never underestimate yourself and do not accept getting taken advantage of in a relationship. Cheers!
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 3,211 | 2023-12-24T05:01:10 | AITA for leaving my(26M) fiancee(26F) over not having sex | CONCLUDED | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18pnz02/aita_for_leaving_my26m_fiancee26f_over_not_having/ | false | false | [
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18pnzoe | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Much_Garden1223
**I want an abortion and a divorce**
**Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest
Trigger Warnings: >!abortion, emotional manipulation and abuse, controlling behavior, verbal abuse, harassment, stalking!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/f9Da0rJC6T) - **Nov 19, 2023**
I came to this sub because I want to tell this to somebody, and it seems that I can only keep it to myself. I cried for several hours, I am very scared and tired, so I think I will be rambling. I just want to put this somewhere, and my husband and his family don’t know English, so this place makes me feel safe.
I learned that I am pregnant this morning. I don’t know how long that has been. I told my husband the next moment I knew. He was happy. He told me he was glad. He was very happy when he left to meet his parents.
I opened my door today to my mother in law and him. He did not tell me she would come, and he knows I don’t do well with announced visitors, especially of that importance. It was her second or third time on our apartment, but she acted like it was hers. She ordered me to sit, and I felt so anxious. My heart was beating so fast, it all felt so unsafe. I kept looking at my husband, but he never looked me in the eyes. He was looking at the floor or at his hands.
His mother demanded a paternity test, right after congratulating me. It felt so awful. She didn’t say anything rude or bad but it felt like she did. It felt like she called me a prostitute. I was shocked and I kept trying to get my husband to look at me, but he would not. She noticed and ordered me to look at her, and that her son would not help me. It felt so scary. She started to threaten me with the lawyers that are friends to their family. She told me that if I was smart, I would go with her to the clinic tomorrow and this will all be other with.
It felt so awful, it felt like I was completely at the mercy of this woman. It felt like she could just grab me and put her hands inside me herself, and my husband would not protect me. And the most disgusting of all, it felt like she somehow did that. It felt like she somehow put her hands inside me and tainted whatever is there.
Whatever I felt for my husband died at that moment. After the shock and the fear, I felt disgust for him. I felt sick sitting there. He looked so disgusting and pathetic sitting there silent, not protecting me. It felt disgusting that I ever let him touch me, let him do this to me. Like all the love I had for him was tainted too.
All I managed to say was that I need time to decide. She told me there is nothing to decide. I told her that I am shoked and I need time. She told me that this was what she was afraid to hear and it’s all very clear to her. It felt like I would throw up. I wanted to cry so badly and my voice was shaking, but I didn’t cry. She said that she is sorry that it had to be this way, but she gave me three days. My husband stood to see her out, not saying a word to me. He went to see her to her car, and I was left alone.
I immediately cried. I felt so scared. I felt like they could barge in and just take it out of me, if they wanted, like they thought so little of me. Did my husband always think that I was cheating, or did her? Did they always look at me and thought that I am unfaithful? Several times I tried to threw up because I was crying so hard.
Why didn’t my husband protect me? This is not who I married. The last time I felt so unsafe was when I was in my parents home, and I vowed that I would never feel this way again. I married him because I felt like he could protect me, and he didn’t. I still feel sick and disgusting, for letting him touch me, for being pregnant by him.
When I heard him come back, I locked the door to the bathroom and I have been there ever since, crying. He didn’t say a word to me. I am waiting for him to fall asleep, so I can fall asleep on a couch we have in the kitchen. I don’t ever want to be in the same bed with him again.
I may not think clearly, but I want a divorce. I will never feel safe with this man, and I would never love him again, I know that for certain. I will never be sure that he will protect me. I can’t stay. The thing that makes me scared is that I want an abortion. It was the first thing I googled.
What I have inside me is his, it ties me to him and to his mother, I want it out. While I was crying, I scratched my stomach unintentionally, and now it all red and itching, I can’t think about what is inside of me without crying in hysteria. I want out, I want to be safe.
It’s strange and cruel, but I don’t feel bad for wanting a divorce. I will lose the future that I wanted, and all my friends, and I will have to start all other again, but I did it once, when I left my birth house, I will do it again. I feel nothing towards what is inside of me, it reminds me of his mother and it scares me. I want it out. I never thought about abortion before, never been around pregnant people much.
Right now I don’t feel anything, but writing this post helped me calm down and I sort of have a plan now. I don’t know if I should move out first, or go to a doctor first. I am afraid they will lock me if they find out. For some reason, this reminds me of the time I left my parents, and my head feels clear, I am not so panicked anymore and I mostly feel numb. But I was crying a lot earlier. I guess that’s all. I want to sleep and I need to go to work tomorrow, I think that is good, because I have the excuse to be out of the flat, I don’t feel safe here. Thank you for listening, I have no friends to tell this to.
**REVELANT COMMENTS**
**Commercial_World_834:** Get a paternity test, then get an abortion and file for divorce. If you get the abortion before the paternity they will turn it around on you. He is a coward and his mother will spin the narrative in their favour
> **OP:** I googled, and I think tests are done only when a mother is 9 weeks pregnant or further. I don’t know how old is my pregnancy. My stomach is flat, and I never felt sick. I had pimples, cravings to eat a lot of food, soreness and was feeling constantly tired, I don’t know what week that corresponds to.
>
> I have an insurance provided by my work, but I am scared to use it, I am scared they will somehow find out. The test + initial doctors appointment is very costly, but I have that money. What if it’s not 9 weeks? I don’t want to wait, I want it out. I don’t care what they would think, I want out. It’s all very confusing, it feels like I can’t think about doctors, tests and lawyers at the same time.
**EDITOR’S NOTE: The update #1 text was saved before the post got deleted**
[Update: I want a divorce and an abortion](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/F0Nwj6GpDj) - **Nov 21, 2023**
Hello, everyone.
First of all, I want to say thank you to everybody. I have never received so many comments and messages in my life. It doesn’t feel real. So many people worrying about me, offering their advice, it really helped me, because I have felt very alone. So, I wanted to say thank you, and sorry for taking so much time and not replying to everybody. I was sitting in the train wanting to reply to some comments, but new messages just kept appearing and I couldn’t keep up. I don’t think I have even interacted with as much people in my life. I also wanted to say thank you to a person who commented a funny joke in the first minutes of me posting. After posting, I had another hysteria, and this joke brought me out of it. I wanted to say thank you, but they deleted their comment.
To save time for all the people worried about me: I am okay. I am still living with my husband, but I sleep on the couch. I am pregnant, week 7 or 8. I have talked with my husband, but nothing useful came out of that. I have decided to divorce him, I am looking for flats, but not making active moves. We will go to the clinic on Friday to give samples for a paternity test. I am not sure about an abortion yet. I feel very numb. In short, that’s how the situation is.
Many people asked if I cheated, and got downvoted. I think it is a fair thing for them to ask, since they do not know me, and I haven’t said so in the post (this post was more of a way for me to collect my thoughts and to make believe like I am telling my story to a friend, so I didn’t think to include every detail. I didn’t know so many people would read it). So, to answer that question - I have not cheated. My husband was my first partner, and only. That is why it felt so disgusting to not receive any comment or reaction from him, because he knows about this.
I fear that this will be long, but there’s not many interesting things happening, so you can stop reading if you were worried for me, I am okay. Thank you.
Now, the first thing I have to say is that I feel strange. I don’t really feel anything. From the moment I woke up on Monday to this moment, I feel very numb. Nothing feels real. There was a small moment of feelings when I talked to my husband, but it was very fast. It doesn’t feel right, but I feel okay. It’s like I am a robot and I do work things and house things on an autopilot. I think that’s a good thing. Maybe it’s because I cried so much.
My husband didn’t leave the bedroom on Monday morning. He can work from home whenever he wants, so I think he decided to do that. I found myself quickly coming back to an old routine I used to do when I was a teenager. I would wake up and try to be as quiet as if I didn’t exist, so I don’t disturb anyone. It didn’t feel right to me to feel the same thing all these years later as an adult, but I couldn’t make myself behave another way, so I left for work quietly without saying a word.
I received a lot of support on the train, reading your comments. Thank you for that. I kept reading while at work, researching clinics, and paternity tests. Many of your comments were very helpful and I used them to make a plan for myself. Near the noon on Monday, I started receiving comments from people asking for me to not end the pregnancy. Many people said that I experienced a trauma response and I am not thinking clearly. When I would go to the lady’s room at work, I would place my hands on my belly and try to feel something, but I felt as numb as ever. I don’t really feel anything but a little sense of disgust when I think about this pregnancy and I am sorry about that.
I also looked at apartments, because while I feel numb, I still feel very strongly that I want a divorce, or at least a safe flat that is only mine. I can afford to move out now, and I can even afford to live on my own (I will have to cut some luxuries like dance classes and beauty appointments, and I won’t be able to save money, but that is okay). I think the reason I felt so panicked about leaving was because when I left my parents, I had nothing. No money, no job, no diploma. I had to live with three other people in a small apartment and I still didn’t have enough money for food. Realising that I can live somewhat comfortably on my own money have helped me to calm down, and now I feel numb even about a divorce. For now, my plan is to move out after we will give the samples for paternity test, I will probably have to wait until Monday or next Tuesday for my husband to go to the office so I could pack my things.
I also received messages about my response being traumatic, and that my husband is also a victim, and that my view of him is sexist, basically telling me we need to talk. I was planing to talk to him either way, but those comments helped me formulate what I had to say. I am sorry, but I feel to tired to recreate the conversation, I will keep it short. If people will want to read the full talk, I will try to write it tomorrow on my way to work. In short:
1. I asked him if he thought I cheated. He said not initially, but my reaction to his mother made him think I cheated. I told him I reacted that way because I was scared. He told me there was nothing to be scared about. We argued and that went nowhere.
2. I asked him why he didn’t protect me and why did he just let her in. In short, I learned that she gives him money for this flat, she basically pays for it. I didn’t know that. So she had all the rights to just come in here. I won’t lie, that made me feel very unsafe and I still feel unsafe, but I have committed to the plan, and I will go through it. Again, he didn’t think that his mother was scary or threatening, and we argued about nothing.
3. Because of these pointless arguments, and of people in the comments saying my expectations of him were unreasonable, I told him everything I thought about our situation, how I see our responsibilities to one another and my history of abuse. I actually wrote it down before, because I wanted to have this conversation later, but it was that only moment when I didn’t feel numb, but felt angry, so I told him then. He didn’t really responded except for the times when I mentioned his mother, to say that she is not abusive. He looked very tired.
4. I told him my terms: I agree to the test, but I don’t want to see his mother. I don’t want to stay alone with her. I don’t want her in this flat. We will go to all the appointments together, not with her. He agreed.
That is all. I didn’t tell him about the divorce or my thoughts about abortion. I don’t feel safe doing that. I received many comments urging me to play along, and that is what I decided to do. I have a or of experience doing that. We went to bed, he asked me to come back in the bedroom or to stay there, and he will take the couch, but It will feel disgusting sleeping in our bed, so I declined. I heard him speak on the phone to his mother, but could not make out the words.
Next morning, I decided to not read any comments to have some time with myself. I wanted to use this day to understand how I feel about being pregnant. Sadly, I feel nothing. I felt nothing even at an appointment. Nothing felt real at the clinic and at home, like it was happening to another person. Doctor gave me recommendations, list of medications, list of diet restrictions and list of other doctors I have to go to, and all those things look very alien to me, like it’s all a pretend game. I don’t think what I am feeling is okay, but it helps me to have a clear mind, so I am not worried about it.
I decided to give my husband until Monday to do something. To apologise, or to talk to me. Anything, really. If not, I will definitely divorce him. As for the baby, I will not do anything about it until I move out. I missed the window when an abortion is done via shot anyway, anything after that is invasive. I don’t really feel anything towards being pregnant, and I will wait to see if that changes. That’s the plan.
Now, my husbands mother still makes me nervous. If I think about seeing her again, I feel scared. However, when I talked to my husband he was very sure that he can keep her away until the results, so I don’t know if my fears are reasonable.
I don’t know what else to say. I probably forgot something, and I will reply to comments tomorrow morning. I wanted to thank everybody for their support and advice again. It really helped me, because all my friends are his friends, so I could not tell anybody, and seeing so much support gave me courage. Thank you.
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/Aiqzj1SGys) **Dec 17, 2023**
update: I want an abortion and a divorce
Hello, everyone
This is an update to my post, which is almost a month old now. As always, I wanted to say thank you for all the support, and apologise for not updating sooner. My update was deleted, but things just kept happening every day, and I was too exhausted to rewrite the update.
The main reason was not only the family drama, but my job. My boss didn’t give me even one day off, so I had to do everything in the evening hours or weekends, which took a lot of time (December is a busy time in my line of work, so I often worked after hours).
In short: I am no longer pregnant. I live in my own (very expensive) apartment, but I am not legally divorced yet. Lost all my friends, don’t really have anyone, but I am ok.
Don’t want this to be long, so I don’t want to repeat what I wrote in a deleted update. Maybe I can copy and paste it in the comments, if people are interested. Writing down all that has happened feels like an impossible task, so please forgive me if i feels like some details are missing, I would try to stay in the comments and answer the questions, if you have any, because I feel like I owe you that after all the support I got here.
In short, I decided to stay with my husband and play along, until I will find a new flat and get a paternity test done. We (my husband and I) had a conversation, he refused to admit that his mother did anything wrong, told me I acted guilty, and I found out that our flat has been payed for by his mother. My husband makes good money, he can afford this flat. He agreed to let his mother pay for it so he could have more “money for fun”. It made me feel very unsafe and lied to. My husband promised me that I would never see his mother again, and lied to me. We had one visit to the doctor with just me and my husband. When I arrived to the clinic to get the test done, my husband was not there, but his mother was. I feel shame remembering that, I could not control my emotions at all, I called him crying and he said he didn’t break his promise because it is not a doctors visit, they would just take our blood. He was late to his appointment, I was alone with his mother in the room and I was crying the whole time. Nurses treated me badly, not talking to me and only talking to her and making faces when I made noises. Looking back, I see why they did that, because it did look like I was a young and stupid girl who cheated and is now paying for her choices, the way I acted. But I could not do anything about it, I had another episode where I had no thoughts, only panic, and could not control my emotions. Later I found out that his mother paid for the test as well. I still don’t know why, he has enough money. After taking me home, he told me that I acted very inappropriately, and he feels ashamed because he can’t invite his mother home. He also told me that my behaviour makes him feel like he doesn’t want to stay married to me. Now, I feel even thankful for this comment, it snapped me out of my panicked state. I felt a lot of shame for wanting a divorce, but this helped me understand that it is a right thing to do.
In my last update I wrote about how it felt like I was not fully there, and that all of this is happening to another person. People told me that I am dissociating. This state caused me to make mistakes in my work, so I could not get a day off. But, to be honest, I would like to stay dissociated, because it it better then being constantly panicked and anxious, which was happening to me in the past weeks.
I thought that when my husband and his mother would get the results, they would leave me alone, but I was wrong. When they learned that I was faithful, it got so much worse. His mother basically moved in with us, it was hell. She was texting and calling me all the time, demanding to know when I will be home. So, in a way I am glad my job is so demanding, because I had an excuse to not be in contact with her when I was working and to do some things after work without her being suspicious, because I typically work more than 10 hours a day in busy months. However, I still had to sleep and spend evenings and weekends at home, and it was hell. She was with me all the time, she even waited outside the bathroom door for me and was knocking when I took too long. My husband said that she feels sorry and wants to show me that she cares, because I looked troubled. To me, it didn’t feel this way. I could not do anything, because she made me feel so anxious. She started cleaning, cooking and everything else, and she was not nice about it. She also forced me to sleep in the same bed as my husband, and these nights were so horrible, I don’t want to remember them at all.
Thankfully, I moved out after 1.5 weeks, but, because it is New Year, the flats are very expensive. I can’t stay in the flat I am renting right now long term. If I manage to make it until the end of the spring I can rent something more affordable, but I can rent something cheaper (not as cheap as flats will be in summer) after 3 months as well, I will wait and see. Because of the situation with his mother I only took the most important things. Most of my clothes, books, little things I like stayed there and I probably would not get them back, but I am okay with it.
When I moved, I just texted my husband telling him that I don’t feel comfortable with him, don’t like how our life turned out to be, don’t want to live with his mother being with us constantly, and that is why I want to separate. He sent me a lot of texts, his mother, too, but I have not opened any text from his mother since moving. It feels really good knowing I can just delete them. My husband was very mad. He called me a lot of bad things, said a lot of unpleasant stuff. Reading that made me cry. When he asked me if I wanted a divorce I told him that having to sleep in the same bed with him again, and to endure his touch made me understand that not only do I not love him anymore, I feel disgusted. He told me that either I am cheating and got pregnant by him by chance, or I am completely wrong as a human being, really messed up. To be honest, I agree. I don’t think it is normal to fall out of love this quickly, but I don’t know why this happened. I guess I truly am a person who is very unwell.
My husband demanded that I give him and his mother daily updates on my pregnancy, but by that time I was really sure that I wanted an abortion, so I had to move quickly. I would not want to describe in details what happened, but I would like to give advice (and thank those who gave me that advice) - get someone to be with you while doing that. First time trying to get the procedure the woman at the reception told me that I had to give them my husbands written consent and it made me so scared and panicked again, I could not think clear. Later, listening to the advice I got from some people here (thank you so much!) I searched for groups who help women in hard life situations, and one of them helped me, they gave me a volunteer who was just with me during this, she told me that it’s not legal for them to ask me that, and there are a lot of tricks they use to make women waste time. Without her, I would be so lost. I am so thankful.
A lot of people were invested in my pregnancy and told me that I should keep it, that me wanting the abortion is a trauma response, and I would feel guilty and bad after the procedure. I understand that they wanted the best for me, and I am sorry to say, but I don’t feel bad at all. Honestly, despite the pain and the general feeling of being ill, which is stil with me today, I felt so much better after the procedure, mentally. I placed a lot of my attention on the divorce itself, thinking that it would put an end to my state of panic, but it turned out that ending the pregnancy was what I needed. I know it sounds bad, but I want to be truthful. My reasoning is: if it is a trauma response, this child does not deserve a mother like that. And I am, apparently, a deeply unwell person who can’t control when they would become motionless and full of fear, and who can fall out of love in a day, so I won’t be a good mother to anyone. And I have to say with all certainty, my husbands mother does not deserve to have children in her care. I know I was emotional back then, but now I am sure - she is made out of the same things my parents are made out of. I can just feel it. I should have been wiser and seen it before. I have some thought on why I haven’t, and why I didn’t see the way my husband would be, but I need to think about it some more.
I texted my husband “I am no longer pregnant”, and for now I am ignoring his calls and texts. I can’t deal with that. As I said, all my friends are his friends, and his mother told everyone that I was pregnant without my permission on her Instagram, so all of them knew that I was pregnant and probably know that I ended it by now. Some of our friends (mostly women), reached out to me after I moved, and were offering support, but nobody texts me now and two of them unfollowed me on Instagram. I knew that would happen and I am okay with that. I never had friends, I was always a weird person, but still, having people to talk to and hangout with was nice, and I feel sad thinking about what they must think of me now. But these are not my friends, so I have to leave.
That’s all I have on my mind now. Probably forgot something again. I am mostly in bed today, trying to get better, because I have to work next week, with overtime as well. Thank you again for all your well wishes and advice, you helped me in all of this, because I didn’t feel so alone. I wish you all happy holidays and I hope that yours are nice, fun and you spend them the way you want to!
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 5,821 | 2023-12-24T05:02:05 | I want an abortion and a divorce | ONGOING | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18pnzoe/i_want_an_abortion_and_a_divorce/ | false | false | [
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18prl0n | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/SMcNasty in r/jewelry**
mood spoilers: >!Wholesome, Lost and found, Good Samaritan; bureaucracy and arbitrary rules slow down a happy ending.!<
---
[**FOUND RING WHILE HIKING**](https://www.reddit.com/r/jewelry/comments/18hzqxr/found_ring_while_hiking/) - December 13, 2023
Found this ring while hiking, have posted in the area I found it in Facebook groups, is this ring real/even worth holding on to for someone to contact me? Would it be worth visiting jewelers in the area, would they be able to identify who it belongs to?
https://preview.redd.it/c40b3dnon66c1.jpg?width=3072&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7573826a29290e9009273c633cfa0f15739542fb
[**Comment by u/sheateitanyway**]
I’m pretty sure those are sold at Kay Jewelers. If you take it in, they might have it serialized on the main stone. Possibly?
[**Comment from OP**]
I've posted all over the areas hiking pages and also the park pages, it's a touristy area, there is a kay jewelers though, I can go Monday and see if anything turns up
[**Comment by u/Bubble_Bee_54**]
I have a similar ring from Leo diamonds and I bought it at Kay’s jewelry. It will always have a serial number on it and I recommend taking it in. Or take it to the police department after you get the serial number from Kay’s. Give them all the info you got and where you found it.
Do not leave the ring at the store, take it to the police department.
[**Updating comment from OP**]
Thanks I'll try to remember to drop by with an update if Kay is any help
Update: took it to Kay's, they can't identify it they can only tell me it is a Leo diamond/Leo collection, my buddy who does security at the hospital I work at is a sheriff, I'll talk to him and see what the best course of action is, that really will wait til Monday as that's when I work next, I'll call the little information center of the park where I found it as well
[**Updating comment from OP**]
Ya so I went to another Kay's and they were even less helpful than the first one, also the police were no help at all as well. I need to make an update post, I found the owner of the ring, it'll be January at least before I can get it back to them as they are 6 hours away from me and I leave tomorrow for Germany til January. The lady who has all the documents proving the ring is hers went to the police when she lost it and they wouldn't even take a report so taking it there would not have been very helpful
[**Comment by u/sillybunny22**]
If it was a hallmark movie, she was hiking with her hot shot business man boyfriend who was on business calls the whole hike then did a quick proposal/request to merge their businesses but dropped the ring! But he’s just too busy/important to look for it and it was just a “cheap” placeholder, he promises to get her a MUCH better one at Tiffany’s back in the city! Poor girl is just waiting for that handsome woodsy man to show up with the cheap ring and sweep her off her feet bc family and quality time is most important to him!
[**Found Ring while Hiking Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/jewelry/comments/18je5oq/found_ring_while_hiking_update/) - December 15, 2023
The owner of the ring found me from one of the posts I made in a Facebook group and was able to provide all the documentation proving the ring was hers. Turns out she lost the ring months ago. Unfortunately I will not be able to get the ring to her until at least January as we do not live close to each other and I'll be out of the country from Sunday until January. The owner was very frantic about it initially and was offering to make the 6ish hour drive to meet and get the ring, she had her husband call and I talked to him for a bit, he was fine with the timeline and said we can just figure it out when I'm back in town. All in all they were nice people who were happy the ring was actually found and it wasn't some intricate scam.
Some info on the steps I took trying to authenticate her claim to the ring etc, when I found the ring ... I went to Kay jewelers, the guy there showed me the code on the diamond and told me it was authentic and told me all about the collection, he said that the owner would have paperwork to verify it etc, well once the owner reached out to me on Facebook and sent me the paperwork I went to Kay's again, different location as I'm in a different city at the moment, this Kays said they couldn't discuss anything about the ring with me since I was not the owner, they refused to look at the lady's paperwork, I even asked if they could just look at the number, take it down and not tell me, that way the lady could call and verify etc with them and they said no to that as well, they owner called the store while I was there explaining the situation and they still would not do anything, I understand their reasoning but it was very frustrating and wasted ~45 minutes of a busy day.
The owner went to the police in town when she first lost the ring and they refused to take a report so that would have been fruitless, also the reason I didn't just take it straight there as this is not very surprising to here knowing the police here. Had to deal with a lot of rude people on Facebook thinking I was trying to scam somehow as well, finally disable comments on the post after it got counterproductive.
All in all an extremely frustrating experience, I just wanted to get this ring back to the owner and ended up having to spend hours running around just to be met with resistance by basically everyone. Oh well it worked out in the end, at least it will have once I'm back from my trip, I also got it cleaned and bought a box for it as well so it'll be in good shape when she gets it back.
https://preview.redd.it/w3vvatvnsj6c1.jpg?width=3072&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a24db8893805ef19cfe4d2defe16f43cbfebb4c6
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 2,236 | 2023-12-24T09:03:43 | Found Ring While Hiking | CONCLUDED | LarkScarlett | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18prl0n/found_ring_while_hiking/ | false | false | [
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18qbro4 | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/flying_lemur_circus
**What is the spiciest snack?**
**Originally posted to** r/spicy
**MOOD SPOILER:** >!Pain for the spice god!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/spicy/s/Cc1QQ5rjaN) **Dec 14, 2023**
I am trying to get my boyfriend a spicy snack for Christmas. He likes really spicy stuff. Like... if you leave it on the table it will burn a hole through it. I've seen him eat a bunch of hot sauce that my African family is scared to touch a drop of. He loves chips and things with good flavor. What is an extremely EXTREMELY spicy snack with good flavor I can get him?
Edit: just wanted to say thank you all for your suggestions. I really appreciate your help!❤️
**TOP COMMENTS**
**zeitness**
>You might consider a couple spice powders that can be sprinkled on popcorn or chips, or added to sour cream or yogurt for a dip.
>Here are 2 examples available at Amazon:
>Carolina Reaper Chili Powder World's Wicked Reaper Hottest Powder 2 ounces
>Wicked Tickle Black Skull Smoked Ghost Pepper Powder
**~**
**GhostOfBuckTheBunny**
>Look up Blazing Foods, makers of the Death Nut Challenge. They have quite a few spicy snacks that are genuinely HOT and blow away the gimmicky crap at the supermarket. The Crack Balls are great and the Carolina Reaper Corn Nugz are one of my favorite superhot snacks.
**~**
**ConorOdin**
>Buldak 3x spicy noodles. He will be in pain, a lot of it.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/spicy/s/IMVYEOF5lW) **Dec 18, 2023**
I posted recently about getting a spicy snack for my bf for Christmas. Y'all gave so many suggestions and I really appreciate it. Thank you!! I ended up going with two suggestions from the comments including Buldak 3x ramen (I am saving the rest of the list for future snacks to get him to try). the packet of ramen didn't fit in his stocking so I gave it to him last night as an early present.
Y'all I tried it. And you all are fucking insane. And I mean that with the most admiration. I started screaming involuntarily. That's never happened to me before. The crying screaming chicken on the packet was ME. I saw the spice god and he is not a benevolent one. holy holy fuck. No no no that is not for my sweet fragile little body.
My boyfriend loved them and recommended it. He said it was in the top 20 of spiciest things he tried. He happily ate a bowl with sweat droplets on his nose.
Thank you all for the great gift suggestions. It made me so happy to get him something he loved. I will be coming back to this sub for future ideas.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 3,673 | 2023-12-25T05:00:03 | What is the spiciest snack? | CONCLUDED | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18qbro4/what_is_the_spiciest_snack/ | false | false | [
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18qbs6m | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Disastrous_Two_567
**AITAH for not helping a woman who had a baby with my ex husband get survivors benefits?**
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Triggers for infidelity, manipulation, verbal abuse, child abandonment!<
**MOOD SPOILER:** >!the lion, the witch and the audacity!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/OErN4K0DPx) **Dec 16, 2023**
**EDITORS NOTE: OOP did try to post this a year ago but it was not approved**
My(43) ex husband Duke(54) and I divorced because he habitually cheat on me. We were divorced a little over 2 years when he died in a motorcycle accident. I paid for his funeral because of my daughter(15) and despite everything he was her father and I didn’t want the state to bury him. That was 4 months ago and my daughter is doing well. I applied for survivors benefits for her shortly after his funeral and have been receiving monthly payments. Yesterday I received a phone call from my caseworker at the social security office informing me that a woman called claiming that she had a 3 years old son by my ex husband. However the woman had no proof the boy is actually my ex husband’s(not signed birth certificate or dna test). The case worker asked me if I would be willing to allow my daughter to do a dna test to prove this child’s paternity. I refused. I did the math and this child was definitely conceived while I was still married to my ex. Furthermore at the time of conception I had gone thru a very traumatic hysterectomy with major setbacks that nearly killed me. I suspect I know who this woman is and she definitely knew my ex husband and I were still married. I’m mad as hell and I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing by refusing but I was humiliated enough but my ex when he was alive and I feel even more embarrassed now.
Edit. I wrote this over a year ago when I first found out about the situation. Tried to post it in another group but it wouldn’t let me. I’m posting here now because I came across it in my posting history and really wanted to know what others think. Thanks in advance for any help you can suggest.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/rIpr3pemPg) **Dec 16, 2023**
First of all I’d like to thank everyone for their comments and advice. As I stated in my edit on the original post this happened over a year ago and for whatever reason I wasn’t allowed to post it on the thread I originally tried to.
Now to the update. About a month after I found out about this little boy I did indeed tell my daughter who is now 17 by the way. She was shocked as you can imagine and very hurt by her dad’s actions. I explained to her the full situation and she didn’t want to do it then. She said she needed time so that’s what I gave her. Incidentally she has been in therapy since before during and after the divorce. He father and her were never close because he had a kids are to be seen and not heard mentally which caused a lot of problems even when we were still together.
The woman who had an affair with my husband was a work colleague/friend. We all worked together at the same place. We both still work there just in different areas. After I got the call from my caseworker several mutual acquaintances approached me and told me that she wanted to sit down and talk with me about her problem. I thought about that for a few days and ultimately decided to meet up with her.
We met at a coffee shop by our job on a Saturday. She told me that she and my ex started out as friends at first. He would give her advice on how to deal with her other 2 kids dad. She said very quickly it turned into flirting and hanging out and eventually a full on affair. By this time he’s telling her I was getting suspicious that something was going on and she was already pregnant. She told him about the pregnancy and he told her he wouldn’t be leaving me but he would assist her with whatever the child needed. She was hurt and angry but stuck with the situation as she was already struggling with the 2 kids she had and needed the help. She went on to say that he was very much in love with me and that she was jealous of me for having him.
Not one time was this woman remorseful. No apologies. Nothing. I asked her did she even care what their affair did to my daughter and she replied no because she had enough on her plate dealing with her own children and “quite frankly didn’t care about mine”. That’s word for word btw. At this point I told her that I have informed my daughter about her son and she is currently not interested in participating in this scenario. She got outraged by that telling me I have to make my daughter do this. That she is only part time at our job and here and her kids cannot survive on her income alone. I told her she was a bitch. That if she even felt a little bit of guilt I might have been able to talk my daughter around but her lack of respect for my daughter’s feelings is why I won’t. I left her there yelling at me as I walked away to my car. She has since quit working at our job.
Over the past year I have addressed the situation with my daughter and she still doesn’t want to do it. I’ve told her it’s her decision either way and I support what she wants. My ex’s parents are both deceased and his one sister is dead. He has and older brother but they hadn’t communicated in decades because of the brothers drug issues. I tried to find out about him when my ex died but I couldn’t find anything. My ex was dead 2 full days before the police finally got in contact with me. It was a shock. I never hated him. I hated what he did. There is a difference.
I guess that’s the update. If there are any questions you guys would like me to answer. I’ll be around. Feel free to ask. Thank you for your time. Stay blessed.
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GEkyM0Z812) **Dec 16, 2023**
Ok this has really blown up. Once again I thank everyone who took the time to leave a comment. There are a lot of questions and assumptions. I will do my best to answer them to the best of my ability.
First of all let me say I did not hate my husband. Hell I don’t even hate his AP. For those who think I’m trying to get some half ass revenge on a toddler just let me say you’re insane to feel that way. In the moment when this all happened I was in shock and total disbelief. I reacted without any real thought. I challenge anyone on here to say they haven’t responded angrily with unwanted and unexpected news. However I am not a person who does not think of consequences to my actions and that is why I sat down, calmed down and figured out how to proceed. I talked to both my mom and my brothers before I talked to my daughter. They were also shocked but urged me to talk to my daughter and get her input on this situation.
As I said in my first update my daughter has been in therapy before during and still after the divorce. I suggested to her to talk to her therapist about this. She did. Based on my daughter’s feelings of being adamantly opposed to being involved her therapist suggested I give her time and I have. My daughter is a sweetheart and I’m not saying this about her because she’s mine. But it has been a lot for her to deal with at one time. I’m sure in the end she will change her mind but I refuse to bully her into it. It has to be 100 percent her decision.
Some of you think I hate my ex husband and I’m using this situation to get back at him. I DO NOT! I hated what he did. That is all. My ex and I talked at least twice a week. We had disagreements sure like other people. I wish he would’ve told me honestly. The affair had long been out the bag. I’m not going to say I would have enjoyed hearing it but at least we would have known. See we’re too busy living and oftentimes we subconsciously think everything will work out for the best. It never goes that way though does it? If he would have told us we could’ve long got over any shock hurt or resentment and possibly the kids could’ve long ago met each other. I would have known about the boy and we all would’ve been better prepared when he died. Who knows? But I’m no longer angry or hurt. Please believe me when I tell you that I want an amicable solution to this as much as you do. That day in the coffee shop with her I once again reacted but I’m human with feelings and emotions just like all of you.
My ex husband had no one else but us. As I said he has a brother who’s on drugs, who I spent weeks trying to locate, and I couldn’t. I would never have let him be buried by the state because at the end of the day we still loved him. I was married to him for 17 years ffs.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 4,282 | 2023-12-25T05:00:45 | AITAH for not helping a woman who had a baby with my ex husband get survivors benefits? | CONCLUDED | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18qbs6m/aitah_for_not_helping_a_woman_who_had_a_baby_with/ | false | false | [
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18qbso2 | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Successful_Head_6436
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
**AITA for getting upset at my boyfriend's changing behavior?**
**EDITOR’S NOTE: Added spaces for readability**
Trigger Warnings:>!|abuse, racism, emotional abuse and manipulation, controlling behaviors, mentions of alcoholism, assault!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18cgud9/aita_for_getting_upset_at_my_boyfriends_changing/) - **December 6, 2023**
I'm 22F he's 26M, he recently started a new job that I know can be very demanding, I work from home. There are little things that shouldn't really matter, I know. But as a whole, I believe he is acting really suspicious.
First, he works until late, and even though he can do home office and his job technically ends at 6 pm, most of the time he will leave at 8 am and come home at 10 pm. I've asked him why doesn't he come home at 6 pm and then finish anything he needs to finish here but he would just get upset and tell me I am controlling of his schedule, I also used to ask him what time he would be home to have dinner ready (I have stopped now) because he would also get upset and tell me I am not being supportive and I want to control his schedule (he's a consultant, not a doctor or something crazy btw). I don't care if he comes home late sometimes but I would just like a little communication, we live together and I think I deserve to know, but he is clearly annoyed by this.
Sometimes he gathers with his coworkers in what he calls "Professional networking" but it really is just going to a bar after work, which to me is not strictly 'professional', it's a casual gathering. When I asked him if one day I could come, he got mad at me and told me this was just for him and his coworkers, no partners were invited. I said it was okay but maybe not all of them would be strictly professional... and he went on saying this is how things are here in Montreal (I am not from Canada so I didn't say anything else but it made me feel like he was making things up, I don't understand why you wouldn't be able to ask if you could bring your partner to a casual gathering someday).
Recently, they had a Christmas party, he said he would go and come back early (before 12) because he just needed to do an 'act of appearance' and was very tired. I thought it was fine, I asked if this was a 'just coworkers' thing and he said yes (I know some Christmas parties are strictly for people who work at the company but sometimes you can have a +1).
He left at 6 pm and I waited for him up until 2:30 am. He arrived tipsy/drunk, he said he wasn't, but I could smell way more than a couple of drinks, he took a shower before approaching me and tried to hug me in bed, but I was too emotional to just let it go so I just left to the living room, cried a little and fell asleep on the couch. He just passed out in bed.
The next day he tried to act like everything was fine and when I confronted him about it, he accused me of being mean to him, that he didn't drink a lot, that I treated him like a bad person, and that I was just insecure. Now, I am capable of seeing my flaws and sometimes I can get jealous, but this felt very different. If you add the fact that he doesn't kiss me anymore, he doesn't hug me, he doesn't care for having dates or little details with me anymore and he doesn't want to have sex with me at all, I don't think I am being crazy for pointing it out.
Recently I asked him if our lack of sex life was because of me, how I looked, the stress of his job, or anything else, that he could talk to me about. He said it was purely stress, which I would understand, but later on, he said he would prefer to 'release' himself rather than to share an intimate moment with me, which made me very sad.
Most of our arguments never end because he is too tired to talk to me, or on the weekends he just wants to 'recharge' for the week ahead. I have grown insecure of myself and the power play in our relationship is all his now. I am a very attentive person, I work, study, and pay bills back home and here (I have my own place back home). I also take care of everything here, I cook for him, and I buy him anything he wants if it's in my budget. I consider myself very understanding and fair, and I can recognize my mistakes but I don't think he recognizes his. Now if I mention anything that I don't like, or that makes me sad, he would just call me sensitive and say 'There is always something with you'. I think he likes someone from work, and I have asked him directly but he just denies it.
I should add that I am new in town too, we decided it was better because his job requires him to be here and mine is remote. I don't have friends here, I thought he would be happy to introduce me to his friends but that has not happened, and he clearly doesn't want me around his coworkers either.
I know many of the behaviors he learned from his parents, they have a drinking problem and are very emotionally immature people, so pretending that everything is fine when is not, undermining people's emotions, and using work as an excuse to never talk about their problems it's very normal for them. Every time I have said that maybe he just doesn't want a relationship anymore and we should break up, he starts crying and says he is trying to be better, that the loves me and he is working on it. I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't have the strength to leave him but I also don't trust him as before.
P.d: Please be kind with your answers, I am already sad as it is, and I would just like some honest advice, thank you.
**AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on top comments, OOP was NTA**
[AITA for missing my mother-in-law's birthday dinner because of her racist sisters](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18k3xdr/aita_for_missing_my_motherinlaws_birthday_dinner/) - **December 16, 2023**
I am 22(F) and my boyfriend is 26(M). He's white and I am Latin, we've been together for almost 2 years. If I'm honest, it took me a while to make his parents like me because initially, they thought I was with him only for a citizenship, or money (even though I make way more money than him and he has 100K in debt for his studies, I am debt free and a homeowner, never planned to come to Canada. I only came because he asked me to, I love my city) his mom was a bit controlling and I have strong boundaries so she didn't like that, but we get along pretty well now, she's a very strong woman and I admire that.
Today we visited her for her bday, we are staying for the weekend. I bought her a beautiful set of pearls because I know she likes them, we spent the day together it was very nice, but at around 4 pm, sister #1 came to surprise her. At the start, I was a bit overwhelmed because I have social anxiety and my boyfriend mentioned to me that she had passed racist comments at family dinners in the past, so I limited myself to saying hello, and then I went to the kitchen to help with dinner.
As I was looking for vinegar in the fridge, I felt a hand almost pulling my hair and trying to check my roots, I should mention I have long box braids, she was examining my hair like I was in a zoo exhibition and said "oh wow so... pretty", I reacted fast and without even turning around I grabbed her arm quite firm and said 'hey, stop!', as soon as I realized it was this strange woman I just smiled, said sorry and walked away. It was super weird, I felt like my personal space was violated but I just let it go and focused on dinner.
Then I had to say hello to Aunt #2 who had just arrived, this woman literally looked me in the eyes, grabbed my hair with both of her hands and pulled it to the sides, grabbed me by the shoulders, looked up, and down at me and shouted in front of everyone "Oh! you don't look like I imagined you, I thought you were a blondie! and small! Petite!" I was speechless, I immediately felt very self-conscious of my curves, my height, my hair, my skin color, and everything about me. I just responded with "Well, you look exactly how I imagined you" and my boyfriend choked on his drink, everyone was also quite shocked at her comment, but no one said anything and just changed the subject, it was a very weird moment.
After that, I really couldn't contain myself, I wanted to cry, and I felt very out of place, I went down to the basement to my bf's ex's room, and I just started crying, he just came to hug me and said that it was not okay and that he understands if I don't want to be there, I honestly do not feel like I can go up there. I feel really bad because it's my mother-in-law's bday and I don't want to make it about me, I wish I was strong enough to suck it up and be there for her but her sisters are too much for me to handle, my boyfriend himself admitted that they are very out of touch, and I believe it will get worse because those were the words that came out of her mouth the very first time she met me, I cannot imagine having to sit and have dinner with them. AITA?
(Please be respectful with your comments, I am in the basement sobbing I do not want to feel worse)
[UPDATE]: We stayed the night (we’re outside of the city and my partner doesn’t have a car so it was difficult for me to leave, the Uber was like 150$ and there were no available drivers around).
In the morning, my boyfriend said to me “I understand you wish to go soon, but I don’t want to leave so abruptly” I just said “I don't think you understand, but it's alright I can suck it up this time, but don’t expect me to come back for Christmas or ever again” to which he was visibly upset but didn’t say anything and just went upstairs to have coffee with his family (his mom dad, sister and sister’s bf were upstairs). I just went outside with the dog to play catch until it was time to go, I was cold but didn’t want to be inside with them.
NO ONE SAID A WORD TO ME, and my bf didn't say a word to them about last night, it’s like it never happened and I am just crazy being rude for no reason. My boyfriend’s father is driving us to the metro station, and they’ve been talking with each other in French the entire ride and I feel invisible, I’ve given it a lot of thought and I want to end the relationship, thank you so much to all for giving me the strength to stand my ground, I cannot imagine myself having to be tied to this family, and for my partner to never stand up for me. I could never have kids with him and make them go through this kind of behavior.
**AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the top comments, OOP is NTA**
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**Doreathea:** WTH? You are not obligated to tolerate such abuse and truth be told, what they did is assault! You had a great time with your bf’s mom and since the day was about her, I say that you and your bf wrap things up, politely say your goodbyes and head home. Staying will make you more miserable. Good luck!
>**OP:** Thank you, I do feel miserable, I thought I was overreacting by everyone else's reaction but you're right they did assault me, my boyfriend doesn't plan on leaving I am just downstairs
**MmeXL:** Racism should never be tolerated. It should be challenged. Having said that, Canada doesn’t have green cards. Not saying this is fake, but that’s a pretty big flaw in this post.
>**OP:** I didn’t know if Canada had green cards or not, so sorry, I just know that’s what my bfs parents said to him when he talked about me, they said they were worried I wanted him for his citizenship or for his (nonexistent) money.
[Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18lmbd7/update_aita_for_missing_my_motherinlaws_birthday/) - **December 18, 2023**
After what happened, I had a big argument with my partner when we got home. We started talking calmly, but things escalated when I mentioned that I was upset not just with his aunt, but also with his close family members for enabling her behavior. He couldn't handle this and started making excuses for them, saying things like "your reality is not everyone's reality" and that I was being too harsh on them. He even tried to suggest that maybe I misunderstood his aunt due to a language barrier. I couldn't believe he was defending her after she made a blatantly racist comment and touched me inappropriately. I lost my patience and told him that he was blind to his family's faults and that he lacked the courage to stand up for me. I was so angry that he seemed more concerned about protecting his family's feelings rather than supporting me, especially when I hadn't done anything wrong. The argument went on until I just couldn't take it anymore and said through tears, "I am so sorry, but I can't be with you anymore." I was really hurt, but he seemed more worried about his family than about how I felt.As soon as I mentioned breaking up, he started crying and apologizing, admitting he was wrong and explaining how he's always been taught to avoid confrontation due to his family dynamic, (his parents are alcoholics). I was emotionally drained and decided to just go to bed, sleeping in a separate room. The next day, I texted his mother to explain my discomfort with the party and her sisters' behavior. I was hoping for some recognition and an apology, especially since she was right there when it happened. But her response was dismissive, with no real accountability, just a vague acknowledgment of the situation. This isn't the first time I've felt mistreated by them. And they've never truly apologized to me. This is a list of things they've done so far:
- Before they even met me they told my boyfriend to be careful with me, as I could want money or citizenship (hilarious to me as I have been the main provider for the both of us and I love my country).
- Called me ungrateful when I kindly refused to stay at their house for my first visit to my partner's country. I value my privacy and I was bringing my rescue dog who has a hard time adjusting to strangers. Plus this would be our first meeting, it was too much for me.
- Microaggressions on how I look pretty for my race, or taller for my race, or that my English is surprisingly good. Also, weird talk about drugs and narcos, I once brought a present to my boyfriend's niece, it was an artisan rattle and his father said "Is this how your people transport drugs to a country?".
- She tried to invite my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend to an intimate family event and didn't even mention to me there was going to be a reunion.
Their behavior has always been laced with microaggressions and insensitivity. They've never once just said, "I am so sorry for my behavior, I was wrong".
Now, Christmas is coming up. I do not celebrate Christmas, but my partner's family does and it was important for him, so I went with it and bought presents for everybody, I was willing to spend the holidays there, and even accepted my boyfriend's proposal of staying even longer than necessary (like a week or so). Initially what I truly wanted was to stop by for the morning, and then have a short getaway somewhere romantic not too far from the city (all paid by me by the way) to which he refused.
But now, I do not want to go back at all, I cannot be around them anymore, and there is 0 accountability for what I experienced, his mother even said to me "It was your mistake, you should have done something about it and not rely on other people" when I expressed how I felt excluded when everyone saw this happening and ignored it completely.
If my partner decides to go and pretend like everything is fine, he is clearly telling them that it doesn't matter how bad they treat me, he will always obey and do what they want.
I also told my mother about this today, and she was furious and disappointed. She does not approve of my relationship anymore as he has shown 0 support or care for me in this situation.
Everything is telling me that my relationship is over, my partner is deeply dependent on his family's approval, especially his mother, and there is a lot of manipulation within their dynamic.
She 100% wants to be the only woman in his son's life, and he has shown me that his #1 priority is his mother and #2 his job. As much as I know he loves me and he would like to be different, I've been giving it a lot of thought and I will stand my ground, if he wishes to go, I will leave secretly when he's gone. I know it's the cowardly thing to do but I am weak to his tears. AITA?
[UPDATE] I just left him, I didn't argue, and I wasn't upset, while he was speaking to me about his position in all of this, I just realized how I have idealized this person so much, it's like I took off my love goggles and just saw him for what he was, someone selfish and emotionally unavailable. An adult with the emotional intelligence of a rock who only cares about himself and is deeply codependent on his mother. And I felt free. No guilt on saying goodbye.
I calmly said: "You are not the person for me, and I am ending things now." I got myself an Airbnb and will sort out my cat's documents to leave the country, I'm thinking maybe I'll go to Thailand and treat myself, it's been a while since I've done that. Thank you all so much for your comments and support. It did help me tremendously to say goodbye and never look back. I am a very sensitive person and I usually give more opportunities than people truly deserve, I have learned a lot about myself with this experience and I know that I will be better off alone. Thank you all! I send y'all love x
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 2,582 | 2023-12-25T05:01:29 | AITA for getting upset at my boyfriend's changing behavior? | CONCLUDED | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18qbso2/aita_for_getting_upset_at_my_boyfriends_changing/ | false | false | [
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18qbsom | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/sdakfjhsadlkfhj
**Me (24 F) with my SO (21 M) of 9 months, none of my guy friends respect him or our relationship.**
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!verbal abuse, sexual harassment, stalking, cyber stalking, sexual harassment and fear of physical violence!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/Sa8Vt2kenq) **Sept 15, 2023**
I met "Derek" my current boyfriend, about 10 months ago at our office. He was pretty quiet, but I thought he was cute so I started flirting with him, and eventually we started dating.
He's definitely different from most of the guys I've dated before. He's a naturally quiet, reserved kind of guy. While we first started dating, he seemed a little nervous, but once we got going he warmed up. He's really funny, not in a entertain a group way, but he and I make each other laugh a whole lot. He's also a writer (he's a published author making royalties off of his book), he's thinking of quitting his job at our office to focus on writing (I think he's making a good amount of money, not sure though). We moved in together last month.
I was in a sorority in college, and most of my current friends were my sisters, and my guy friends were in fraternities. Most of them date my friends, but a few of them are single, and one of them, "Will" has had a crush on me since college. He would ask out every once in a while, I would let him down gently (physically he wasn't my type, he worked out all the time and just seemed too too big to me, like bulky or something). He handled it pretty well, I didn't feel uncomfortable around him or anything.
Anyways, the first time I brought him around my friends, like usual he was pretty quiet (I wanna clarify that he's not really socially awkward, he's actually pretty good at reading people). Recently we all agree to go camping, and that's when things got weird.
All of my guy friends kind of started giving him a little shit about his size/height. He's 5'7" and, while being very athletic (he got a scholarship to play cornerback at a small college before he dropped out, his brother said that if he was bigger he could have played division one football), all of those guys are taller than he is. My boyfriend went along with it, but he had his angry little smile on his face the whole night. I felt the need to back him up, so I was all over him that night physically. I was sitting in his lap, making out with him, I don't know why but I felt that would make them shut up. We end up sneaking off and I start going down on Derek. Unfortunately, Will, who was looking for a place to use the restroom, stumbles upon us.
Will left the campsite, but since then everyone's been avoiding it. Everyone also started making fun of my boyfriend constantly. He's been handling it well, but it's really pissing me off. My best friend (who's dating one of these guys) told me that Will told them what happened, and now they all want me to leave Derek for Will. Some of my friends have even told me how good me and Will would be together. Finally, Will gave me a love letter he had written to explain his feelings.
I told Will that I'm in the best relationship of my life, and I have no desire to leave Derek. Now, apparently Will wants to have a "man-to-man" with Derek, as if he thinks that he can tell my boyfriend that he's better for me than Derek is. I know Will's been in fights before, and I'm afraid he might violently confront my boyfriend. Derek has no plans to confront him or even see him ever again.
At this point I'm ready to stop hanging out with most of these guys. Most of the girls are staying out of it, some of them are actively telling them to stop. I feel like if it comes down to it I can still be friends with my sorority sisters, and not have to see the guys, who I'm sure would pick Will over me.
What's the right move here?
TL;DR-My male friends are constantly making fun of my boyfriend, one of them told me he was in love with me. I have no interest in him, and I love my boyfriend. Pretty sure I want nothing to do with these guys, but they're part of my friend circle, don't want to lose friendships with sorority sisters since they date some of these guys (although my relationship is my first concern).
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/fdhuQtKRqx) **Sept 16, 2014**
Well, today was pretty intense.
I went to brunch with the girls that I consider my friends, told them everything, and they're cool with me phasing out the guys. The echoed what some of you said about most of them seeing me as a potential hookup/date. I flat out told the guys that I wasn't going to be hanging out with them, that Will was beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. Some of them sent private apologies, but I haven't responded.
Will decided that he was over me, I guess, and the way to show that was to badmouth me and Derek on social media. He called me a stupid whore, lamented the fact that a "nice guy" like him couldn't get with any girl, and told everyone he had seen Derek's penis and it was small. Derek asked for permission to insult him, and I gave it to him before we would delete everything and block him. Derek wrote this, "When did you see my tiny penis? Oh that's right, when you walked in on us and left sobbing" (which he did).
Anyways, we deleted everything, and at this point all of the guys sent us apologies through text, Facebook, etc. for not realizing Will was an asshole, for being mean, and for being unwelcoming. I still don't really feel like I want them in my life.
Me and Derek are great, I was a little stressed when Will started up but Derek was laughing the whole time and made me feel a lot better about it.
tldr-I told my "friends" what they were doing wasn't acceptable and making me uncomfortable, Will lost it on social media, might have lost his friends, and me and Derek are great.
[Update 2- We were "friend-bushed."](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/TF0sF95Akk) **Sept 19, 2014**
Well, things happened last night.
Derek and I decided to go get something to eat at a sports bar last night so he could catch a little bit of the NFL game on last night. Not really thinking about it, we went to the place down the street. Five minutes after we order, the whole gang comes barging in (minus Will and another guy). Derek asked if I wanted to go see them, I told him I'd rather not.
After fifteen minutes of us ignoring them, and me realizing that they're being incredibly loud in a not too packed sports bar, two of the single guys, "Peter" and "Kevin," who along with Will were the main instigators of shit, as well as being two of the guys who talked about how they were going to hook up with me in the text conversation my good friend's boyfriend had shown her (and she showed me), started mocking him again.
I snapped. I didn't yell, but I walked over there with my boyfriend, and told both of them that I knew what they said about me, that it would never ever happen, that I never even considered it happening, and that I was done with them. I left then.
"Sally" and "Kate," (my two best friends) as well as Kate's boyfriend "Tom" and "Jack" (who I always felt was a good guy) followed me and my boyfriend out to make sure I was okay and apologize. They all said that those guys were acting like assholes and would rather be friends with me, and my boyfriend. Derek and I thanked them, and we're going out tonight with them.
I'm pretty glad that I still have friends. The two guys talked to Derek, and I feel like Derek did a pretty good job of "impressing" them (he dropped the fact that he used to play college football, they ate that shit up). I feel like this was the best possible outcome, I get to keep my real friends from this group, cut out the bad ones, and maybe Derek even gets some new friends.
Tldr- Assholes proved themselves to be assholes when we ran into them, real friends decided to separate from them, and Derek and I are hanging out with them tonight. This is probably going to be the last update, thanks for all the advice, encouragement, and kind words.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 4,216 | 2023-12-25T05:01:30 | Me (24 F) with my SO (21 M) of 9 months, none of my guy friends respect him or our relationship. | CONCLUDED | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18qbsom/me_24_f_with_my_so_21_m_of_9_months_none_of_my/ | false | false | [
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18qbt3m | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Impossible-Ad8586
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
[Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14v81xe/aitah_for_wanting_to_leave_my_boyfriend_for/) - Originally posted by u/ParadoxicalState
**AITAH for wanting to leave my boyfriend for something his parents said?**
**NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** ---
Trigger Warnings: >!racism, racist slurs!<
---
**RECAP**
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14js0w9/aitah_for_wanting_to_leave_my_boyfriend_for/) - **June 26, 2023**
So, I 26 Female(black) and my boyfriend 32 male(white) have been dating for about 5 months now and he is honestly the best thing that ever happened to me. He is the first guy who’s ever made me consider marriage and starting a family. I did love him.
Now to the story. Last weekend, was his mom’s 60th birthday and my boyfriend was gonna go to the birthday party. He thought it would be a nice occasion for him to introduce me to his family, so he asked me to join him. We let his family know that he was bringing me and they were ok with it. His parent's place is 3 hours away from the city we live in so we decided that we were gonna spend the night.
So, we arrived at his parent's place and his mom, dad, brother and sister were there. They hugged me while greeting me and I honestly thought they were genuinely happy to meet me. It didn’t feel like anything was off. They all seemed like nice people. So we spent the evening talking, and there was a lot of laughter and everything was going great. At around 8 pm, my boyfriend and his brother leave for the airport to pick up a relative of theirs who was flying in for the party. So, I’m left at the house with his mom, dad and sister. I didn’t feel unsafe or anything. They had been nice to me the whole time.
I had left my phone charging in the room we were gonna sleep in so I excuse myself to go check if I had any important messages or calls. There weren’t any so it didn’t take long. I start heading back to the living room and as I’m walking back, I hear them talking then his mom asks ‘So, what do think about her?’ I immediately knew they were talking about me and I honestly wanted to know what my potential in-laws thought about me so I stopped and listened. His dad says; ‘she’s nice!’ His sister agrees with him and adds; ‘she’s pretty too!’ Then his mom say something that immediately made me sick to my stomach. She says; ‘Yeah if only she wasn’t a fu***king N WORD!’ And they all agreed with her. My heart dropped!
I tiptoed back to the room and I sat there so confused. I was shaking so much I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to call my boyfriend but I had a weird feeling so I didn’t. I felt so alone and unsafe. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone around me, not even my boyfriend. I live in Canada and people here are not as open with their racism as in other places. Which in my opinion, is much more scary.
Now at that moment, the only people I could think of asking for help were my sisters. One of my sisters lives in the US and the other one is in Canada but in a different Province. They both live far away so there is nothing they could have done to help me at that moment but I felt like they are the only people I could trust. We have a WhatsApp group chat so I sent them a message telling them what happened.
I have lived in Canada for a couple of years but it’s not easy to make trustworthy friends here. Canada is a lonely place. I have met a lot of people but I don’t feel like any of them are my friends. If you are an immigrant in Canada, you probably understand what I mean.
Anyway back to the story. So my sisters were like, you need to find a way to get out of there immediately. They tell me to make up an excuse saying I had an emergency and needed to leave. I stayed in the room for some time scared to death! It took everything in me not to start crying.
After I had collected my thoughts and calmed down, I did what my sisters told me to do. I hadn’t unpacked my bag yet and luckily, we brought my car cause it’s fuel efficient compared to my boyfriend's. I took my bag and car keys and passed the living room in a rush saying something came up and I had to leave. I didn’t give them a chance to ask any questions. I just got in my car and drove away.
It was getting late and I wasn’t in the right state of mind to drive back home. I just wanted to get as far away as possible before stopping at a hotel for the night. My boyfriend had called me a couple of times. I called him back but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him what had happened so I gave him the same excuse I gave his parents. He asked if he should come home as well and I told him it wasn’t necessary.
I went home the next day and my boyfriend showed up at my apartment a few hours later. I looked at him and it felt like all the love I had for him had just disappeared.
Though I acted like everything was fine, I wondered if he was racist too. He had been so great during our whole relationship. I never once felt like he had any racist thoughts or feelings. But I can’t help but think about how his family made me believe they were nice people and I keep wondering if he’s also just pretending to like me.
We don’t live together but my lease is ending in July. He owns his place so I was supposed to move in with him after my lease ended but I have managed to get out of moving in with him. I don’t feel like I love him anymore. It’s been 3 days now since we got back from his parent’s place and I want to end things with him without it causing any trouble but I’m really scared. I wanna tell him what happened but I’m scared of finding out that he’s racist as well. I don’t know how he’s going to react.
Maybe I’m overthinking this but there are so many stories of women getting murdered by their partners and I’m scared that I could end up killed too.
I guess I’m imagining the worst-case scenario and I’m judging him based on his parent's actions and not his. But I am genuinely scared. Even if he isn’t racist, his family is! And if we stay together, no matter how much I try to avoid his family, there are still gonna be situations where I’ll have to interact with them and I don’t think I can ever move past what they said.
Please help!
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**kileyvvv:** You should talk to him and tell him what his parents said and how it makes you feel. If he cares about you he’ll say/do something to let his family know that language is not acceptable and that racism is not tolerable. However you’ll always thinks of what they said and it may be hard to ignore now that you know what you know. Take some time to figure out if u still want to be in this relationship.
>**OOP:** I will talk to him but I don’t think the relationship will survive. He and his family seemed close so I can't ask him to cut them out of his life and I don't think I can move past what they said. So I don't see how the relationship can survive.
**MissMurderpants** Op, you should tell him. At least so he knows that if he dates a WoC in the future he better keep her away from his family.Yeah it’s not your job to educate him. I think it’s good to end it by telling him the truth.
**IndigoRose2022:** NTA. 5 months isn’t all that long to be dating, so your hesitation about him makes sense. However I think your anxiety may be getting the better of u.
I think u should tell him. If he tries to justify or make excuses for what his family said, that’s your answer. But it sounds like over 5 months he’s never given any hint of being racist, so maybe he’s not like his family at all.
The other side of it is that you’re right, even if he isn’t racist but his family is, it will still be hard. Only u can decide whether your relationship with him would be worth that. Either way, NTA.
>**OOP:** Exactly, I felt like I had no idea who he was. Cause there could be 2 explanations. Either he actually has no idea his family is racist or he knew they are racist and still brought me to their house and then left me there all alone. But they raise him so I don’t think that he didn’t know which only leaves the 2nd option.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14le2b9/update_aitah_for_wanting_to_leave_my_boyfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - **June 28, 2023**
I couldn't keep up with all the comments but 99.9% of them said to talk to him and so I did. He didn't get all defensive or angry. He just listened to what I had to say and we ended up having a great conversation about it.
So! Yesterday we went on a coffee date. Things were a little awkward at first so as soon as we sat down, I just straight up told him what happened. I expressed how much it bothered me that he left me all alone with his racist parents without a warning and how terrified I was. He profusely apologized and said he would talk to them about it and he swore he had no idea that his parents felt this way about black people.
I asked him how he didn't know yet he grew up in their homes. They raised him so he surely must have heard some racist comments from them!!
He explained to me how during his childhood, all the people in his hometown were white. The neighbourhoods were all white, the kids in his school were all white, and all his teachers were white. So race wasn’t really a topic that ever came up in their home or school or anywhere he went. Everyone was just white! He said his parents have always been very kind-hearted people and those were the people he thought he was bringing me home to. He didn’t think that skin colour was something he had to worry about and it didn't cross his mind that he was bringing a POC to a place that had only had white people. He was truly apologetic for that and said he should have known better.
Anyway, we kept talking and he told me about the first time he met a POC in real life. He was 19 years old and he had just moved from his hometown to our city for college. He said he loved meeting people from different places with different cultures and backgrounds and hearing about all their different experiences which reminded me of when we first met. I thought he was really weird cause he would ask me all these questions about my culture and home country. He honestly had so many questions some of which I didn’t even know the answers to!
***I googled the population of his hometown and according to the 2022 census, 93% of the population is white! So back then, during his childhood, it was probably 100% white.***
So, I have chosen to believe him cause I guess he thought his parents would have been as open-minded as he was. Some of you might not agree with this decision but I’ve decided to give him a chance to prove himself before ending things with him.
But, I pointed out that if he plans to be with me, a black woman, he needs to understand that he cannot turn a blind eye to any discrimination I might face, including discrimination from his own family. I also told him I didn’t expect him to cut ties with his family but it’s gonna take a while to salvage my relationship with them and that I'm not yet ready to hear an apology from them. He agreed to this and promised to pay better attention and reassured me that he was on my side.
I don't know if he has already spoken to his parents but this morning I woke up to an apology DM from his sister and the dots connected. In her message, she stated that she was shocked to hear her mother's words and that she doesn't believe in that. She just agreed with her cause it was her mother and she didn’t know what to do at the moment.
His sister is attending college in our city so I had met her a couple of times before. Like maybe 3 or 4 times so I’m thinking she was the one who gave their parents the heads up. She and I weren’t that close but the few times we've met, I didn't feel any hint of racism we were always civil with each other. Anyway, I still haven't responded to her message and I don't think I’m going to for now. I don't even know what to say to her.
As for my boyfriend and I, I believe we and I had a meaningful conversation. I'm still not moving in with him but I think we might be able to maybe work things out. We might not pick up where we left off but I know we can get back to where we were if we both put in the work.
---
# NEW UPDATE
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18imiw8/final_update_atah_for_wanting_to_leave_my/) - **December 14, 2023**
Sorry it took so long to update you.
I was waiting to see what his parents would say but it’s been 5 months and I still haven’t heard from them. My boyfriend said he spoke to them and they apologized but I don’t know for sure cause I haven’t spoken to them. I told my boyfriend that I was willing to talk with them and he said he’d let them know but they still haven’t reached out. If they’re apologetic about what they said, it shouldn’t take them this long to reach out. I feel like they want me to be the one that initiates the conversation but I feel like they should be the ones to reach out first! Also, where would I even start?!? I’ve spoken to my boyfriend about this and he seems torn, like he doesn’t know what to do.
As for his sister, although she apologized, things are still awkward between us. Maybe one day we’ll be able to move past this.
Anyway, we are still together and things are going great for now. I still love him and I’m hoping that it works out between us but the fact that his parents haven’t made any effort to have a conversation with me or anything is kinda bothering me.
I’ll update you if ever I speak with them!
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP** | 3,902 | 2023-12-25T05:02:08 | [New Update] - AITAH for wanting to leave my boyfriend for something his parents said? | NEW UPDATE | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18qbt3m/new_update_aitah_for_wanting_to_leave_my/ | false | false | [
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18qdfr6 | I am not OOP. This is a repost sub.
Trigger warning: >!Ableism!<
Edit: Since people were confused, some definitions:
* Stimming - Repetitive behaviors autistic people (among others) are compelled to do
* ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder
* IEP - An accommodation plan for a disabled student
​
[**My teacher took points off my presentation for stimming**](https://www.reddit.com/r/specialed/comments/17xpra2/my_teacher_took_points_off_my_presentation_for/) posted in r/specialed by u/Substantial_Dog_4104 on November 17, 2023
I’m gonna sound annoyed in this post because well I am so mad about this mainly because of both the conversation after as well.
We had a debate in my english class, okay great. I need better skills in public speaking. I’m fine that I lost points from bad speaking skills but what I’m mad about is the fact that I lost points on stimming. I didn’t even know that was something he could take off but he did. And that just seems unfair. He said it was distracting and he couldn’t focus on what I was saying because i kept rocking back and forth and slightly punching the podium which made too loud of a sound etc. I don’t think this is fair. like at all. And maybe I’m overreacting. maybe I’m upset over nothing.
I talked to him today stating somethings and stuff and getting clarity and asking for extra credit and stuff. He said that “I need to present my self better” and I need to make eye contact, stop stimming, and just socially act my age.
Which. I think is so uncalled for. I’m diagnosed with ASD, I have an IEP for that (nothing academic related.. this is an honors class)
Anyways. Again maybe I’m just making it a bigger deal than it is or being a cry baby.
I’ve cried for the past 3 hours over the last 2 days on how much I hate myself that I can’t be normal.
Is this fair? And what should I do
​
**Comments from OP:**
I’m not technically failing the class now but It definitely feels like failingMy grade went down from a 90 to a 79. I can’t take a dual enrollment without an 85 or higher.
\-
this is just honors english 2
However, I’ve been telling both this teacher and another teacher about how I want to take the criminal justice dual class. I have everything to take the class except if I can’t get this english grade up. Plus, I basically planned my whole life out, and the only time I can take the dual class is next semester if I want to take the APs I want to junior/senior year.
Which may be why I’m so butt hurt over 4 points that I lost from stimming. Cause that makes a difference.. even if it’s small
\-
It was 50% public speaking/50% actual research/topics. He actually said my arguments were really good, I used good sources, and I explained things well. But my public speaking part killed the grade
\-
I lost points on poor presentation overall, so for example poor eye contact, speaking clarity, repeating sentences (which I also am annoyed about because I repeated one because I was stumbling over my words 😒 );however, 4 points to an already poor grade is a lot. :’)
​
[**My teacher took off points for stimming (Update)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/specialed/comments/185f2ls/my_teacher_took_off_points_for_stimming_update/) posted on November 27, 2023
I posted a post about 10 days ago discussing how my english teacher took points off my presentation during a debate because of stimming
So I thought I should update you guys if what occurred after.
For one, I discussed with my teacher in my own. I wrote an extra credit proposal, which he granted. I ended up getting a 5 point extra credit assignment over thanksgiving break. I had to tell a speech to my family about the importance of gratitude, and what it means to me.
Secondly I talked to my dad and step mom, which they both not the happiest. We ended up talking to him. While he won’t change my grade for the major, he is giving me a chance to up make up minor grades.
If I do some extra work etc, 2 minor grades will become 100s.
​
[**My teacher took points off my debate for stimming**](https://www.reddit.com/r/specialed/comments/18lcqb7/my_teacher_took_points_off_my_debate_for_stimming/) [**(Update to the update)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/specialed/comments/18lcqb7/my_teacher_took_points_off_my_debate_for_stimming/) posted on December 18, 2023
First and foremost, I brought my grade up from a 78 to a 90. I know that grades aren’t everything but honestly I can’t be more excited about this. I also got a 100 on my state EOC which I know probably had a huge curve but still. I was extremely nervous about it.
Secondly, we ended up adding stimming onto my IEP. The person who does my IEP was annoyed that we even had to specify it since she thought it was common sense.
Lastly the teacher got “a talk” about the importance of inclusion in his classroom and also to better understand some “neurodiversity” disorders in better detail (that yours truly helped write since mental disorders and psychology is one of my special interests)
Anyways, that’s about every thing that has happened. My last day of school was Friday meaning I am officially done with this teacher for the rest of my high school career and I can happily say, I am very excited to not have to deal with him anymore.
Edit: Yall… this was an english class not a debate class 😭 Specifically english 2 honors. Probably should of mentioned that | 4,546 | 2023-12-25T06:54:48 | My teacher took points off my presentation for stimming | CONCLUDED | passingthrough3333 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18qdfr6/my_teacher_took_points_off_my_presentation_for/ | false | false | [
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18qskj7 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Specialist-Ball9777 **in** r/AITAH, r/EntitledPeople **and her user account**
trigger warnings: >!infidelity, parental abandonment, harrassement/trespassing, stealing, lying, false allegation of SA, possible sex with a minor, grooming!<
​
**New update is from 15th December marked by 🚨🚨**
**Previous BoRU is** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/180soo5/aitah_for_not_helping_my_halfsister_after_she_was/)
For clarity, the abbreviations used by OOP are:
* HS = half-sister
* BM = biological mother
* Rando = BM's current husband
* GM = maternal grandmother
* AP = HS's bio father
* RO = restraining order
* TO = no trespassing order
* TRO = temporary restraining order
​
[**AITAH for not helping my half-sister**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17sb3cz/aitah_for_not_helping_my_halfsister/) **- 10th November 2023**
My half-sister (HS) and I have no real relationship.
**Background:** My dad divorced our mother when I was 5 and HS was still 4, but going on 5. HS was the product of my mother's affair and born exactly nine months after me. My dad stayed with my mother up until I, at 5, told him about the man my mother kept bringing over when he wasn't home - that would be HS's father.
My dad gave my mother the house in exchange for removing his name from HS's birth certificate. He paid her child support for me up until I was 8 and my mother abandoned me during her week because her AP didn't want to take a child that wasn't his to visit his family for the holidays anymore and HS pretty much hated me because her grandpa supposedly liked me better.
Dad tried to be civil and make sure I had a relationship with HS after that, but I didn't want anything to do with her either, so I never spent time with her after that. HS herself would say she didn't have a sister, so I never claimed her.
**AITAH Question and Advice Needed**
The day I made my account, HS called me. I don't know how she got my number, but she was sobbing about "our mom" kicking her out of the house and not wanting anything to do with her now that she's married to (random name) - don't know who he is. I just hung up on her to be honest and she started texting me that she really needs her sister's help. She says she has nowhere else to go, her father cut contact awhile ago and no one is willing to come up to get her (she lives six hours away from where I live, which I guess is easy to figure - I live next door to my dad). I'm a bit torn because when she called again, I told her we're not actually sisters and I'm not coming to get her nor am I giving her a place to stay until she's back on her feet. Then I hung up again.
I blocked her number, but she's been calling from other numbers and now I have people from my mother's family telling me I'm an awful sister and I should be more understanding because I was once the child that got kicked out. I just need some insight because I want to know if I'm in the wrong or if I should've gone about it differently.
**Comments**
**BimboTwitchBarbie**
*NTA - tell those people that they should take her in if it matters that much to them.*
**gufiutt**
*NTA — your mother’s family has a lot of nerve. Are any of them stepping forward to help your HS out?*
*Ultimately, you don’t owe her anything due to some shared genetics. At the same time, do you want to act the same way she did. I’d definitely be cautious bringing someone into my home that I didn’t trust enough to not rob me blind, etc. you know her better than we do. If you do decide to be the change you would like to see in the world just be certain to lay out all of the possible ground rules ahead of time.*
​
>OOP:That's my main question, the "act the same way she did" part. Had this been a few years earlier, I would've helped her I think - when we were kids, I'm pretty sure she was just parroting whatever her parents were saying. But we're both 25 now and I don't get why after 17 years, I'm the one she comes running to. I don't think I should've said what I said when she was already so emotional, but I just don't get it.
>
>No one is helping her as far as I know. Most of the people calling/texting are people I don't have a relationship with. My grandma claims she has a full house right now and since I "technically" live alone, she thinks I should help HS out. But she's saying that because of the whole "family helps family" mindset.
>
>I don't know her all that well anymore either. She's as much of a stranger to me now as she is to you, I just wanna know what others would do in my place.
​
**Judgement is NTA**
​
[**They dropped her off at my house (rant)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17tw0on/they_dropped_her_off_at_my_house_rant/) **- 12th November 2023**
4 days ago, I made my account and contemplated asking if I was an AH for something. My half sister (HS) had called me crying, saying "our" mother kicked her out and she really needs her sister. I hung up the first time and when she kept calling and texting, I told her we're not actually sisters and I wasn't driving six hours to pick her up nor letting her stay with me. I've been getting nonstop texts and calls from my maternal family since then. My maternal grandmother, the only person I stayed in any contact with, pretty much begged me to "be a good sister" and let HS stay with me - she told HS I have my own house, gave her my number, ect.
I've blocked my grandmother and everyone saying that I should be understanding because we've both been abandoned by our mother. It isn't the same, I told my grandmother this, but no one seems willing to acknowledge that.
For context, HS and I are exactly 9 months apart in age. She's the product of an affair and my dad stayed with my biological mother (BM) until I was 5 and told him she kept bringing a man around when he wasn't home - her affair partner (AP) and HS's biological dad. Dad divorced BM and gave her the house in exchange for removing his name from HS's birth certificate.
BM lost custody of me when I was 8 after abandoning me because AP didn't want to bring a child that wasn't his to family gatherings. Dad tried to keep it civil so I could have a relationship with HS, but she was a mini-AP and never viewed me as a sister. I didn't like being around her, so my dad never forced me to. BM, AP, and HS moved not long after this - BM had been in childcare and lost her job because no one wants to hire you to watch their kids when you abandon yours in the middle of the night...
I haven't seen HS in 17 years. I didn't know what she looked like until I came home today. She was sitting on my porch with a suitcase and a car, I think my grandmother's, pulled off as soon as I parked. I didn't get out of the car, I was too angry to even move and I'm still angry right now. She kept saying she needs me and started crying, telling me that "our mom" was awful, her dad cut contact, and BM's new partner doesn't want her in his house.
I live next door to my dad, so when HS started knocking on my car window after I just stared at her, I called him and told him what was going on and ask what I should do. Dad told me to stay in my car and call the cops, say I had a trespasser, which I did. I didn't get out until the cops came and when they did, HS told them I agreed to let her stay and now I'm leaving her homeless.
I just showed them the texts, specifically the only texts I gave in response to everyone demanding U let her stay - "no" to you have the space; "no" to she's your sister; "no" to can she PLEASE stay with you. Nothing but refusals before I blocked people. When HS kept saying we're sisters, I told the cops I haven't seen "this woman" in 17 years - I don't know her, I didn't even know what she looked like. We're not family beyond sharing an egg donor.
I went as far as unblocking my grandmother and calling her. I didn't even get to speak. She said/yelled - "Look, OP, I love you, but you need to get over this! She's family and she needs you and I've told your father you'd go to hell if he raised you to be so damn selfish and you definitely will because she's going through the same thing you went through!"
She hung up right after and I told the cops they can book HS or drop her at a shelter - I don't care. I just want her off my property.
They took her and now I'm sitting here on my dad's couch wondering what the hell just happened. He doesn't want me staying alone right now in case they show back up. I'm so pissed right now, I don't get it. 17 damn years of no contact, I only speak to my grandmother on holidays, I don't know most of the aunts and uncles and cousins that blew up my phone, but because BM pushed me out I have to do what they tell me to.
I'm 25 years old. I've only had my dad and my paternal family for years. BM and her family haven't done crap for me, none of them even know when my damn birthday is because even my grandmother TEXTS me on the wrong day - not even a phone call. If HS needs help so badly, one of YOU should help her! I don't know her, I don't know any of you either. I'm not letting an entire stranger into my house! And 6 hours is too far to visit when I had surgery, but not too far to try and force me to do something!?
**HawkeyeinDC**
*This is crazy. Why is no one on the maternal side stepping up? And how old is this half-sister?*
*It also just seems SO bizarre that your maternal grandmother would drive a 12 hour round trip to basically ditch your half-sister with you….*
​
>OOP: She's 24-25, her birthday is close I think. And it is crazy that she drove down here. I know there's far more to this situation and I really don't wanna know. I just want them to leave me be.
​
**HawkeyeinDC**
*I know you don’t plan to let her move in with you, but don’t ever change your mind on that. She’ll likely never leave, won’t pay rent/contribute towards costs, and you’d have to legally evict her. Save yourself the headache!*
​
>OOP: The nightmare of an eviction process is part of why I don't like the idea of anyone staying with me tbh. It's 7 nights in a row here for guests to become tenants and the one time a friend of mine let someone stay with her, one week turned into six months of court hearings and damaged property. Definitely gonna save myself the headache.
​
[**Update They dropped her off at my house**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17ugc72/update_they_dropped_her_off_at_my_house/) **- 13 November 2023**
I checked the camera footage last night/this morning. HS and BM's mother had been looking under mats, rocks, in potted plants, the mailbox, and checking the doors. Probably were looking for a spare - I don't keep one on my property and my dad, grandma, and grandpa have keys they keep with theirs. My uncle did an overhaul of mine and dad's cameras. We now have ones that send notifications to our phones when motion is detected. Also got ring doorbells for the front and back doors. There are other features and all the cameras are better hidden as well. I went to the police department while he was doing this and brought my grandpa with me.
HS was booked for trespassing, but not held very long since BM's mother picked her up from the station. They stuck to the lie of me offering HS a place to stay and gave statements. Not sure how that's going to go, but I'm taking steps to protect myself, my property, and my dad and his property.
HS doesn't have a record beyond this, so this was her first offense. I don't know how I feel about that tbh. It sounds awful, but I had hoped she would have at least one prior because commenters make it seem like that would make the outcome of a permanent RO and TO favorable. BM's mother DOES have a record though. Harassment, trespassing, and domestic violence. I shared this with the police as well.
Either way, I was able to get a temporary restraining order today, so there's that. I gave the camera footage to the police alongside copies of the texts (printed out and on USB), gave a statement, and they called a judge to get the TRO issued. I talked with them about other things like self-defense recommendations, overhauling my security system, getting a gun for protection, and so on. I was really anxious and just kept talking because it finally hit me that these people know where I live and they're willing to make the 6 hours to harass me and get inside my home.
The texts and voice-messages haven't stopped (I unblocked and muted). There are direct and indirect threats. BM's mother is adamant that since I have an entire house to myself, a stable job, and no children, I "will" be housing HS or she'd give me the @ss-whopping my dad should've.
HS has only left one voice-message about coming over later today and that she's staying with me because "that's what blood does, they help." When there was no response, she sent multiple texts telling me I need to be more understanding, that she's in a tough spot, and that she's moving in "for at least a week" until she's able to support herself (it's 7 days to gain tenancy here).
Additional clarification for people asking about the age gap. I'm a February 1st baby, HS is a November 29th baby. I say "exactly" 9 months because I'm not counting the weeks and days - just felt that people knowing we're the same age was relevant and gave context to why I have no relationship with her. I don't know if she was premature. I never asked tbh and there are people saying they have similar gaps around them, so I have nothing to add.
Multiple people also asked if I hate HS and that I sound resentful for things she said as a child and for things her parents did. In my first post, I talked to someone in the comments and admitted that had this been a few years earlier, I may have helped HS without much thought. I know as children, she was just parroting her parents. I don't fault her for that nor do I blame her for BM abandoning me.
But it's been 17 years. We've been legal adults for 7 of those years. She could've reached out at any point, but didn't and said she had no sister. I also could've reached out at any point, but also didn't. I just moved on with my life - I was in therapy since I was abandoned and it took me years to move on from no one on that side actually wanting me.
Now she's making herself a problem. BM's mother aside, HS was sitting on my porch with a suitcase ready to force herself into my home and life. She allowed herself to be driven 6 hours to my home, sat on my porch for half an hour, and then lied to police all after I said no multiple times. She never claimed me until she needed something and now she's forcing herself into my life on the basis of being family.
I don't hate her, that's too much energy, but I do resent her now alongside her grandmother and the rest of her family. I was ignored for YEARS and now I feel unsafe in my own home just because HS and those around her can't take "no" for an answer. This isn't about BM's affair, this is about HS and her family ruining my safe space, my home, with their crap. The past is a factor in that resentment now because, again, I haven't spoken to her in 17 years, I didn't know what she looked like, but suddenly we're sisters because she needs someplace to stay. I definitely resent that.
Also, I feel validated in my choices - posting to Reddit, asking for and taking advice, listening to my dad. The attorney I spoke to pretty much said all the same things commenters have. Unblocking and muting to get and evidence of harassment. Calling the cops and showing them the messages because it proves there was no implied invitation. This is apparently the biggest thing I had to worry about because even letting HS stay on my porch could've worked against me.
Giving the cops the camera footage of HS and BM's mother looking for a spare key was also a good move. Even going about upgrading security, getting self-defense items, and asking the officers about self-defense recommendations and my wish to get a gun for protection works in my favor - it shows that even though this was HS's first offense, I don't feel safe and she's a major cause of that. And I don't.
So thank you again for all the advice. If they show up like they said, I'm gonna set off my security system and call the cops.
Edit (from a comment) It wasn't "active" \[the TRO\] when I posted the update because they hadn't been served yet. They were found at a hotel near my home and were served (a neighbor saw them and called the police). I was reporting the texts though. The TRO is on both HS and BM's mother.
​
**Comments**
>OOP:My neighbors, friends, and family are all on rotation watching the house and I have my grandparents with me. Grandpa is 6'2", carries at all times, and is pretty intimidating (in the opinion of others at least). My dad is similar alongside my uncle and a friend that's gonna sleepover tonight.
>
>The signs are now up and was part of the lawyer's advice, so you definitely have the right idea! Cease and desists have also been filed for everyone else harassing me and so far, no one's showing up on my property like they said they would. Hopefully it stays that way
[**Concern cousin on HS**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17uq3lk/concern_cousin_on_hs/) **- 13th November 2023**
Was going through the first messages sent to me and found one of the many I muted without reading. This is from a cousin of HS.
Note - the order of info was edited to be better understood. A lot was blocks of text, so I tried to put it in order.
AP cut contact with HS when she was 20. She covered BM's affair with Rando. AP stopped paying her tuition and cut her off financially. HS's work history is non-existent She was kicked out by BM a month ago because she was sleeping with Rando and one of his sons. Said son turned 18 two months ago. HS came home to hers and Rando's things on the curb and all the locks changed.
Police weren't involved. The cousin doesn't know if BM told the boy's mother, but she did tell the entire family. Essentially said "protect you kids and marriage." HS claims she only slept with him on his birthday, but BM claims he was a minor when HS slept with him.
The family is adamant about getting her somewhere safe to stay long-term because HS is pregnant. No one likes her, but believe abandoning her is wrong due to her pregnancy. The cousin expresses doubt about the pregnancy. HS showed GM a positive pregnancy test, but no one else has been given any proof. HS has a history of lying.
HS couch-surfed with those that don't have kids. So far she's - "borrowed" someone's car without permission; taken expensive items to pawn; taken money meant for interview clothes and travel then blew it on expensive "mom and baby" outfits. When cops are involved, she lies and has gotten someone arrested by claiming SA when they tried to have her removed from their property.
The plot to get HS into my house was the idea of an uncle (one of GM's three sons). GM apparently brags/complains about me being young with no kids, a well-paid job, and a house I own. Essentially, this uncle said I had no responsibilities, disposable income, and plenty of room. Because no one wants to outright abandon HS, this was the "best plan."
The cousin - "don't give a inch not even a ride to a shelter. Someone tried and she caused a scene nearly got them arrested because she kept lying about the situation. Please read this I read your two posts stay safe."
**Comments**
**7thatsanope**
*Great job of the cousin filling in these outrageous blanks. Wow.*
**indiajeweljax**
*OP should keep in touch with this cousin to see what else is coming. Surely they aren’t done yet.*
​
**GhoulishHoney**
*I figured there was a pregnancy involved when there was talk of meeting the minimum number of days for tenancy. They want her to stay long enough that you can't force her out quickly, making it likely that she has the baby (if actually pregnant), and how could you possibly kick out the baby? OP, please protect yourself as I think this is only the beginning of it.*
​
**StageHandRed**
*Honest worry about your holiday plans. I wouldn't leave your house/travel for Thanksgiving or Christmas, and be ready for her to make a scene on one of those days and try to get into the house if you have guests. Or porch pirate you stuff. Stay safe OP. We're rooting for you.*
​
>OOP: Definitely preparing for that. I've read all of camper nomad's posts and the potential lengths HS and GM may go is scary af. My grandma (the real one) brought this up herself and suggested we just have it here. That way if they pop up around holidays, all of us are present and ready for the bs. Thank you
​
[**Update - I'm alive and well**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/17v3zja/update_im_alive_and_well/) **- 14th November 2023**
No major updates today. Texts and calls have all stopped, my entire neighborhood is on alert, and the family rotation continues. One of my friends stayed last night and a different friend agreed to stay tonight. Today will be spent with my aunt (the one with the keychain and fisticuff bracelet) and grandma.
No one showed up at my house in the middle of the night.
I'm following the advice of multiple people, the first being about making an "FU" binder.
[https://www.reddit.com/u/ForwardPlenty/s/eH1RTLp63G](https://www.reddit.com/u/ForwardPlenty/s/eH1RTLp63G)
My aunt suggested making transcripts of all the saved voice-messages, which I think is a pretty good addition to this to go along with the USB drive of them. So that'll be part of what I do today.
The second piece of advice I have saved is about documenting every day, even if nothing happens, in a spiral notebook. I started on this immediately.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/RlrOlGYBn0](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/RlrOlGYBn0)
Will also be recording when I go to and from work or anywhere tbh. Also, multiple people on the door screws - that was among the first things done when I brought the house! And my windows were all changed on purchase as well. They're impact windows, so it'll take a lot of effort to break them. My uncle has always been big on home safety, so he did all of that with me. Even though I'm next door to my dad and fairly close to the rest of the family, he always says I'm still a woman alone in a house - you can never be too safe.
I feel a bit better with all the advice offered. If anyone is having similar trouble, take the advice offered in the comments. It really helped and I'm grateful for all the help.
Holiday vacations has officially been canceled and refunded (always invest in travel insurance!)
A lot of stories shared with me have me on edge about leaving my home unattended. My neighbors offered to watch my house, but I'd feel more comfortable being present if something happens. So this year I'm gonna be hosting Thanksgiving and potentially Christmas. My grandma suggested this and she's getting really into it, so today might also be shopping for decorations.
Thank you guys again!
​
**Comments**
**Keldin145014**
*Only thing Paranoid!Me worries is that they'll use the Thanksgiving party (either preparing for or day of) to gain entrance.*
​
>OOP: Same here. It's why my grandma is adamant about having it at my place tbh. That way if anyone tries anything, my whole family is present.
​
**Straysmom**
*I'm sorry that you have to be so vigilant, just because of some entitled aka crazy "family" members. Would taking that whole mess that your cousin sent via text to the police help at all? If there was an investigation opened, she might find herself in extremely hot water.*
>OOP: If anything comes from my talks with my cousin, I'll definitely make an update. Don't wanna put out any info on it since HS is apparently a lurker on my posts
**RustySax**
*IF, and it's a questionable IF, HS is, indeed pregnant, and if, indeed, the sperm donor was Rambo's son, and if, indeed, Rambo's son was under 18 at the time of conception, there are many jurisdictions where law enforcement would be VERY interested in this situation. Which could also very quickly solve your problem at the same time.*
​
[**Happy Turkey Day!**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Specialist-Ball9777/comments/182h2jb/happy_turkey_day/?share_id=Sp_zaadUlGpWL90aJAB7A&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 24th November 2023**
Hi everyone, happy Thanksgiving! My day went well. There were no surprise visitors, no calls or texts, and no real updates on anything. I'm probably not gonna post anymore unless something happens. Thank you to everyone asking for updates on my safety - everything's fine, but I'm staying vigilant regardless.
​
🚨🚨**New Update Starts Here**🚨🚨
[**Update mainly from Concern Cousin**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/18j3318/update_mainly_from_concern_cousin/) **- 15th December 2023**
​
Got an update from my cousin about my half-sister and the situation with her step-brother.
First off, half-sister was arrested after stealing her grandmother's car and credit cards. When she was booked, she apparently made it known she was pregnant, but then refused to do a pregnancy test. State laws mean they couldn't force her to. Our cousin says that her period came on while in jail and she claimed it was a miscarriage - it wasn't.
She eventually admitted that her grandmother told her to claim pregnant because that was the only way anyone would want to help her. It worked for a time, but her antics made everyone stop beyond trying to push her onto me. She's claiming she had a mental breakdown and that's why she stole the car and so on.
Next, the step-brother. Concern Cousin did involve child protective services, mainly for the younger of the two step-brothers since the eldest is 18 already. Both of us were worried half-sister had been involved with him in some capacity too.
Their mother was also worried when she got the full extent of what was going on - she had filed her own report and told Concern Cousin about it when they reached out after the older step-brother had a tirade online (essentially saying he was legal and slept with half-sister because he wanted to).
It hadn't been a one-time thing either. He and her slept together multiple times, but he's adamant that it was only when he was legal and never before.
The younger of the two revealed that half-sister offered to sleep with him too, but emphasized the "when you're legal" part to him every time she brought it up. She was grooming them, at least that's what I feel like she was doing.
He described conversations that made him uncomfortable like asking about girls he liked, constantly complimenting his looks, bringing up his age and maturity, so on. Unlike his brother, he never got comfortable with her, but also never said anything because this isn't the first time he's dealt with creepy older women.
Both step-brothers are in therapy, solo and family, and their father has lost custody entirely. Hopefully both get the aid they need. I feel disgusted by what I learned, especially because the younger opened up about actually having told his mother about his discomforts - he just wasn't taken seriously by her.
My maternal grandmother was also arrested this morning alongside her son, the one that gave her the idea of me taking in my half-sister. Both came by my house trying to plead a case for me to pay half-sister's bail because they can't afford it.
The police were called and both were arrested. Maternal grandmother was in direct violation of the restraining order, so I hopefully won't be seeing or hearing from her again after this.
​
**Comments**
**HUNGWHITEBOI25**
*LOOOOOOL OH MY GOD The absolute AUDACITY of your grandmother😂 “Hey i know we tried to force you to take in your half sister and made you live in fear for awhile…but pay her bail money after she stole my car cause i can’t afford it” What planet do these relatives of yours live on Op😂*
**Awesomekidsmom**
*Add on: pay her bail so she is free to harass you again …. Wow! Just wow*
​
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 1,928 | 2023-12-25T22:20:56 | [New Update] - AITAH for not helping my half-sister after she was kicked out? | NEW UPDATE | Stephenallen1977 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18qskj7/new_update_aitah_for_not_helping_my_halfsister/ | false | true | [
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18r08ed | **I am still not the Original Poster. That is** [u/HotWolverine7330](https://www.reddit.com/user/HotWolverine7330/). She posted in [r/AmItheAsshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/).
New update marked with \*\*\*\*\*
**Trigger Warning:** >!abandonment; pregancy complications!<
**Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17im1of/aita_for_kicking_my_son_and_his_gf_out/)**: October 28, 2023**
This situation has had me a bit confused so one of my neighbours suggested I post it here.
I 55f have two children George 31m and Gabrielle 29f. Gabrielle recently got engaged and I am helping her plan the wedding in my spare time. Which the entire family is very excited for. Except for George.
George recently divorced his wife of 7 years, Susanna 28f after he said the "spark had gone out". They have a set of twins together, Amy and Alice 6f. And are trying to set up a healthy co parenting relationship. Susanna is a great mother to my grandkids and I was disappointed in George for giving up so fast on their relationship without even trying couples counselling. But it wasn't my business or place to say anything.
The drama started when George brought his new girlfriend to dinner at my house. He met his girlfriend Bethany 25f through a work colleague and they have been dating for 4 months. At dinner Gabrielle and I were discussing flower arrangements and Bethany felt the need to ask George if he'd ever marry again. George coughed before replying that he'd have to think about it, which Bethany seemed to deflate at.
Well this caused Alice to cry about how she wants "mommy and daddy to love each other again". George and Bethany just sat there while my granddaughter screamed. After I comforted Alice, I pulled George aside and asked if he was sure about Bethany. Which he told me was none of my business. I told him it was my business who he invited into my home and my grandchildren's lives, since I've been caring for them in my spare time while he works. (He and Susanna have 50/50 custody).
George got angry and said it was Gabrielle's fault for mentioning weddings in the first place. I told him to stop acting like a child and to be happy for his sister. Then Bethany felt the need to insert herself and tell me that she and George were together no matter how much I liked his ex wife.
After that I was done with the conversation and asked them both to leave. George and Bethany stormed off, flipped me the bird and left my grandchildren at my house at 7pm. I had to call Susanna to collect the children since they had school in the morning and I was attending a cake tasting with Gabrielle the next day.
I feel like I shouldn't have to tell my 31 year old son to be happy for his sister or argue with a random woman whom I have never met before, in my own home. So AITA?
***Relevant Comments:***
*George needs to pay for daycare for awhile:*
"The truth is George can't afford daycare with the child support and alimony he owes Susanna. I agreed to babysit my grandchildren as a favour to him."
"I love my grandkids. But I wish George would appreciate the thousands of dollars I'm saving him each month."
*Just quite watching them and he'll come crawling back:*
"I would if I thought he could afford it. We might disagree but I don't want my son to be homeless."
*Maybe they need to re-think the custody agreement if he can't care for them:*
"If Susanna took on more custody then George would owe her more child support which he's already struggling to afford. Plus it would mean that Susanna would have to work part time hours which isn't really an option in her industry."
*Alice needs counseling:*
"My husband and I have suggested that George pay for her to get some counselling but he keeps saying that he needs to save and can't afford it."
*What exactly were you asking when you asked if he was sure about Bethany?*
"I was asking if it was really the right time to introduce her to the family, since his daughters are still sensitive about the divorce and are trying to come to terms with it."
"I didn't ask him in the context of "is Bethany right for you". I meant it as in "are you sure this is the right time to introduce her". I didn't inherently dislike Bethany, but maybe it would have been better to introduce her to my grandkids after they've recovered from the divorce."
*Did George ask if he could bring Bethany beforehand?*
"George asked me if Bethany could come 20 minutes before he was supposed to arrive. So it's not like I could say no at that point."
***OOP is voted NTA***
**Update (Same Post): October 29, 2023 (Next Day)**
I didn't expect this post to gain so much attention and I want to thank everyone who gave their honest opinions and helpful suggestions. This situation happened a few hours ago and I thought it right to make an update.
Bethany came to my house to apologize for how she acted at dinner last week. She told me that she was 2 months pregnant and George had broken up with her after she told him. Because he "has too much responsibility" and didn't want to be in the baby's life.
I then spent the better part of three hours talking with Bethany about the baby and what she wants. She says she wants to keep the baby even if George refuses to be in its life , and I told her that I would help with childcare if she needs it since she doesn't have any family that live nearby.
Before I got angry with George I thought I would call him and give him a chance to explain. George was angry that Bethany had shown up at my house and insisted that it wasn't his baby. I told him that he should get a paternity test and he asked me for $500 to cover it since he's struggling.
I told George that he needs to figure it out himself since he's about to be a father of three, and that he better step up and do right by his kids. George then hung up.
Well two hours later I get a call from Susanna to say that George hadn't picked up the kids like he'd previously agreed to and could she drop them at my place because she had work. I agreed for her to drop Amy and Alice off and tried to call George again. I called 12 times and they all went to voice message.
I don't know where George is and have called his place of employment to try to find out, however they refused to tell me anything. I've agreed to watch Amy and Alice until Wednesday and Susanna has reported this incident to CPS. I assume she plans to file for full custody and I can't blame her.
Right now I'm worried that George has run off somewhere or done something irresponsible. I am disgusted and will not be doing him any favours in future unless he has a very good explanation and accepts some responsibility.
This was hard to write but felt good to get off my chest. Thank you everyone for responding to my first post.
***Relevant Comments:***
*Heavily downvoted comment but I liked OOP's response:*
Commenter: Hey, OP, you’re disappointed in your son for “giving up” on his marriage “so easily” and I’ll bet dollars to donuts that you and your DIL have been telling the twins that Mommy and Daddy are getting back together. I bet you asked your granddaughter to say something like that to “help Daddy realize that it would make everyone happy!” You need to butt out of your children’s personal lives get a damn hobby!
OOP: "You owe me quite a few doughnuts then since you're dead wrong.
I'll poke my nose in my sons business when he's being an irresponsible parent and not taking accountability for his children. Bethany is pregnant, it's his time to have the twins and he's nowhere to be found. It just proves to me I should have made his personal life even more of my business."
*Alice caused drama and you exacerbated it by asking about Bethany:*
"Alice is six years old, she hardly meant to "cause drama" as you put it. She's a **six** year old little girl who doesn't understand why her parents no longer live together.
I never asked George if he was sure about Bethany in the context of "is she the one". I meant it in the context of is he sure he's making the right choice to introduce her to the family so soon. Since his own daughter clearly isn't ready to think of her dad marrying someone else yet.
I don't care who George ends up dating but he has children to think about and my granddaughters need to come before any random woman he's been seeing for 4 months."
**\*\*\*\*\*New Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18m0gwf/update_aita_for_kicking_my_son_and_his_gf_out/)**: December 19, 2023\*\*\*\*\***
Okay so I made the original post about 2 months ago and since then things have been a bit crazy lately, so I just wanted to update as I had people asking if George was okay.
In my first post people suggested I give George some space and time to figure things out as a recently divorced father but after he ran off around two months ago I ended up filing a missing persons report. I talked to George's workplace the day after I filed the report and they told me he had given his two weeks about a month ago.
I then tried calling George again and he finally picked up. He told me he was okay but he had moved states and no longer wanted any contact with his children because it was all too much responsibility for him. I snapped at George and told him he couldn't just decide now he didn't want to be a father. Then George told me he never wanted kids in the first place and "those kids don't look anything like me anyway". George then told me to F off and hung up the call.
After that I informed the police department what had happened to let them know George wasn't in any danger and that we knew his whereabouts. After that happened I just cried because I couldn't believe I had raised such a selfish person.
Susanna has filed for full custody and George as far as I know is refusing to pay child support and will probably end up in jail at some point. Bethany is now 4 months pregnant and is having a boy, and George is the father. Somehow he managed to come up with the $500 so he will have to pay child support since he doesn't plan on being in the baby's life.
Bethany moved into my home in November since she's had trouble doing things herself and her doctor says she's at risk of pre-eclampsia if she becomes too stressed during the pregnancy. In that time we have gotten closer and despite how our first meeting went I actually have come to like Bethany.
Sorry this isn't the happy ending some of you were expecting, I have been following the advice I received from the first post and have not contacted George and he has not tried to contact me. I can only hope with time he pulls himself together and manages to step up as a father. Again thank you to everyone who gave helpful advice , I'm not sure if I will be updating further however.
***Relevant Comments:***
*I guess we can only hope George steps up. I'm sorry:*
"Thank you. It's been hard for our family to cope with George being so irresponsible and I have been in and out of the hospital for the past two weeks due to the stress of the whole situation.
I hope George steps up, though he hasn't even sent Christmas gifts for his children.'
*Definitely worth looking into therapy for yourself and family:*
"My husband and I are looking into funding some family therapy and individual therapy for the twins but we're waiting to see if our health insurance will cover it."
*Why does Bethany want to keep this pregnancy?*
"Bethany is convinced that George will change his mind once the baby is born which I have tried to tell her probably won't be the case, but Bethany is convinced he will and no one can tell her otherwise." | 4,085 | 2023-12-26T05:00:10 | New Update: AITA for kicking my son and his gf out ? | NEW UPDATE | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18r08ed/new_update_aita_for_kicking_my_son_and_his_gf_out/ | false | true | [
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18r08n5 | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/astoria253
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
**WIBTA for telling my friend I won’t pet sit because of a “stipulation” her husband made?**
**Editor’s Note: Changed letters to names for readability**
Trigger Warnings: >!financial exploitation, manipulation, controlling behavior!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18lrz2f/wibta_for_telling_my_friend_i_wont_pet_sit/?share_id=aGYuPZbctq1dpdPX3uGFi&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Dec 18, 2023**
I (30f) have a friend (30f) (I’ll call her Cass) who asked me to watch her and her new husband’s (30M) (I’ll call him David) pets (2 cats, 2 dogs) from the 22nd to the 27th of December for them to spend time with his family. David’s mom bought plane tickets for them to visit for Christmas and David had planned on having one of his friends watch the pets. Apparently, David and this friend had a falling out over League of Legends and he burned that bridge with a very vicious comment. Cass asked me if I would be willing watch the pets for them for the same amount they would have paid the other friend ($500). Cass also offered to cover my gas since I live about 40 minutes away without traffic but would usually be around 1-1.5 hrs due to traffic.
I agreed to help pet sit under the impression that I would be going back and forth from my house to hers. I asked to meet with the pets before and get any information I needed in their care etc. so we set a date to do that about three weeks before they left. We met up and I made lots of notes and also wanted to meet her husband so he knew who was taking care of his pets and house while he was away. It was while I was on this visit that I learned that they wanted me to stay at the house overnight while they were gone and be at the house a good part of the time. They were willing to offer their food and use of their entertainment services on their tv. This was fine with me as I thought it fair and such.
Now I had only been dealing with Cass up to this point and I barely met her husband for 2-3 minutes for the first time ever, since he was asleep til noon and was focused on building furniture that just came in when he was awake. Now things went downhill this afternoon because Cass wanted to talk since she was having anxiety about leaving her cat that she brought into the relationship. She has been at home with all the pets since she quit her job earlier this month and even before that would visit and let them out during lunch which is also something David would do as well. To help quell her anxiety, I talked with her and got the last bit of info she wanted to relay. One was a stipulation David wanted to tack on which was me not leaving the pets more than 3 hours.
I had already moved my work schedule for both my jobs to accommodate for me staying overnight to watch the pets. However, I was under the impression that I would be able to leave the pets for a relatively normal amount of time that I would need to leave my own dogs alone for when I have work (4-6 hrs minimum). When I told Cass that I had planned to spend time with my SO’s family on the 24th and my own family on the 25th but would be willing to limit it only to my family’s Christmas since I knew that would be A bit too much time for both over two days and 3 hours would not be enough time for presents, food, cleanup, dessert, and the 2+ hours needed to travel from their house to mine and back for my family Christmas. Since it was his stipulation, she needed to talk with him about it but knew he’d be mad because I couldn’t say yes to his “stipulation”. My friend said she would just stay home with the pets which she knew would upset her husband as well.
She texted me about an hour later telling me he was mad and would “allow” the 6 hrs I estimated but would take off $50 and wrote things that were obvious things I would do taking care of the pets as if I didn’t have enough sense to do them in the first place. Now this upset me since me spending time with my family on Christmas should not be a point of contention and wanting to be honest about the amount of time it should take should not be up for debate.
If this was such an important point, it should have been mentioned when I was getting all the other information and not days before they leave. I originally planned to counter since the amount I would be paid per hour would be $3.47 and so for 6 hours to be deducted it would be about $20 and just say he could take that off but honestly his disregard for me wanting to celebrate with my family while he goes to visit his own is just really unrealistic. So would I be the asshole for telling them they need to find someone else?
**AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on top comments, OOP is voted NTA**
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**jgroovydaisy:** NTA - You have been very accommodating, and the husband, at least, seems manipulative. I would be curious what their relationship is like because your friend seems a bit wary of her husband.
>**OOP:** To be honest I’ve been uncomfortable with D since they started dating 5 or 6 months ago. They got married the end of October or beginning of November because she got pregnant and she officially moved in to his house a month before that. He seemed to rush everything and she seemed to be swept up in it alarmingly quick.
**Money-Bear7166:** Exactly, OP needs to understand that SHE has the power in this transaction here. She needs to tell them to screw his "stipulations" and find someone else. Today is the 19th, they're not gonna find ANY pet boarders this late and likely not going to find anyone willing to do this. Instead him docking the pay, I'd tell them to pay more...for four pets, over five days, and affecting HER holidays, $500 isn't enough.
Of course, I don't expect the husband to be rational considering he's a 30 year old who had a falling out with a friend over League of Legends 🤣🤣🤣
>**OOP:** When D decided to cut the $50 off the original compensation, I knew immediately he did it out of anger and to try to manipulate me into doing what he wanted by scaring me with it. He thought he could control me the way he does anything else, however, I have a lot of experience with emotionally immature behaviors and refuse to play whatever game they want.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18mj5gq/update_wibta_for_telling_my_friend_i_wont_pet_sit/?share_id=2t39dX59W6xq9rmilYSaW&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **Dec 19, 2023**
Hi everyone, I made a post yesterday about my friend and her husband’s demands for pet sitting over the holiday. Here is the original post link:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/PWDwHChIIJ
First off I would like to thank everyone for their support and judgements. Also all the references on prices from the pet sitters was very helpful!
Now, I’m sure you were wondering what I did in this situation and I decided not to pet sit for them. I messaged my friend this morning telling her, “Friend, I honestly do not think I am the right fit for you and your husband for pet sitting now. I’m sorry, but you guys need to find a someone else. This was a difficult decision to make but I just do not feel comfortable now with the turn of events that have occurred.”
So far she has not responded. I am perfectly fine with this because I don’t think having her and her husband is something I want.
I am a recovering people pleaser and really needed to know that my boundary was reasonable. But having so much support shown really helped. I will be enjoying my Christmas, stress free with my family and own dogs. I will also be spending time celebrating with my SO and my other very supportive friends.
Some things that I also wanted to address: -I have been friends with her for about 15 years. About 11 of those have been long distance and we haven’t been that close in recent years.
• she has only known her husband for 6 months and has been married for 3 of those. They did not have a ceremony but went to city hall to get married so I did not have a chance to meet him before checking out the pets.
• I am worried about her being in this marriage, especially since she is pregnant and seemed to be swept up very quickly with him. I had been on alert about him since he had her meet his son on their second date which also made me question his parenting as well.
-his blow up with his friend that was supposed to pet sit wasn’t over a single game but over them thinking he cheated on rank games since he did worse when playing with them and he said it was because he played with them for funsies.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**thegreenchairs:** Agreed - on allll of this. OP, I agree that you made the right decision, and it sounds like you handled it well. And sadly I agree with your concern for your friend, too. I hope she’s okay, but even though she doesn’t sound like she’s in a place to be able to be a terrific friend right now, I hope she’ll be able to reach out in the future if she ever does decide she needs help.
>**OOP:** As far as her reaching out, I’m definitely not closing that door on her. I think space right now is needed though. In any case, I won’t deny her help and plan to do the best I can if my concerns turn into actualities.
**thefinalhex:** Still no response?
>**OOP:** Not since I let them know that I would not pet sit for them.
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 3,145 | 2023-12-26T05:00:29 | WIBTA for telling my friend I won’t pet sit because of a “stipulation” her husband made? | ONGOING | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18r08n5/wibta_for_telling_my_friend_i_wont_pet_sit/ | false | true | [
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18r094d | **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Clear\_Common5486](https://www.reddit.com/user/Clear_Common5486/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole
**Trigger Warning:** >!racism!<
**Mood Spoiler:** >!yikes but OOP makes the right choice!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18hgyo5/aita_for_bringing_my_daughter_to_my_in_laws_party/)**: December 13, 2023**
(33M) have been with my wife (33F) for 6 years and married for 3. We have a 4 year old son together and I also have a 9 year old daughter that I have sole custody of from a previous relationship (it was barely a relationship honestly.) Recently my sister-in-law invited us to a restaurant for her birthday and she told my wife to bring "the family" which I took to mean my wife, me, our son and my daughter. My in-laws have known my daughter since I've been with my wife, they've watched her grow up, I just assumed she was part of the family now.
My wife went to my SILs house and the plan was for me to go to meet them at the restaurant with the kids a little later on. Everything was fine at the meal but once we got home and the kids were asleep my wife got really annoyed at me for bringing my daughter. She said I was wrong for bringing her because she's not family and that my SIL didn't want her there. I've honestly never got the impression that my daughter wasn't welcome at family events (on my wife's side) and no one told me not to bring her. A couple in-laws have been messaging me and calling me things for bringing my daughter. My mother-in-law told me I was trying to force them to accept my daughter as family.
***Relevant Comments:***
*ESH because you never should have married someone who doesn't treat your daughter well:*
"I get that thank you, this is the first time anything like this has happened though my wife has never rejected my daughter and when our relationship started to get more serious she told me she'd be happy to be a motherly figure to my daughter so I'm not sure whats changed"
*Is there a potential race issue here?*
"Possibly but I don't think so. I'm black and my daughter is too and my son is mixed but they don't seem to have an issue with me or my son"
*Elaboration on what the in-laws are texting:*
"My sil messaged and said she was too worried to tell me to my face how she felt and told my wife instead in case I lashed out at her, she mentioned how she thought my daughter was out of place at a family dinner. My fil was the other person who messaged me basically saying the same thing as my wife"
*OOP answers a few questions:*
Commenter: NTA but there is info missing from this scenario - and a lot of assumptions being made about your wife and her family as this doesn’t make sense.
First of all: have you had sole custody of your daughter from Day One of your relationship with your wife? Has your daughter bio-mom been involved at all? Has anything changes with custody or visitation in the last several years?
What is your daughter’s relationship with her half sibling like? Have there been issues or behavioral problems with your daughter since your son has been born?
Are your in-laws from a different cultural, ethnic or religious background than you (or your daughter’s mother) and they are now exhibiting prejudice towards her? I hate to bring this up but I have seen this happen. :-(
Have there been issues in your marriage due to disagreements between you and your wife that may have to do with parenting your daughter - and which she may have confused to her sister or mother and so they are now negative towards your daughter?
Just trying to understand how things got to this point as I can’t imagine a sudden exclusion of a child that has been in everyone’s life for years.
OOP: Yes. She was for the first few months but things happened and I haven't seen her since my daughter was about 6 months old. Nothing has changed
She wasn't too happy when he was first born but she warmed up to him and she really loves having a little brother now. There hasn't really been any problems with her behaviour she's a really good kid.
My daughter and I are both black and my wife and her family are white that's the only difference I can think of though.
No I don't think so.
***OOP is voted NTA***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18m20gw/update_aita_for_bringing_my_daughter_to_my_inlaws/)**: December 19, 2023 (6 days later)**
I spoke to both my wife and daughter separately. My daughter said that she does sometimes feel like my wife excludes her slightly or treats her different from her brother. She did also mention how sometimes my in-laws aren't nice to her and make comments about her not fitting in and just general comments that made her feel unwelcome. She told me she was scared to tell me in case I would be angry at her. I've apologised to her for not realising how my in-laws were treating her and for making her scared to talk to me.
My wife pretty much confirmed what my daughter said. I'm so disgusted and fucking annoyed at her. I don't understand how any could treat a fucking child this way. She's the sweetest little girl she has never done anything to deserve this I just don't understand how they can be so disgusting and fucking cruel.
We're planning on getting a divorce and my wife is planning on moving out after Christmas. The divorce will hopefully be easy since we've agreed on split custody for my son. Once she moves out she'll have my son every weekend but that'll probably change once she gets her own house. I am very grateful that she's being so nice about all of this there's not been many arguments about the divorce which is very helpful.
Thank you for all of the comments on my last post!!
***Relevant Comments:***
*Your wife really hates your daughter so much that she refuses to even work on your marriage? Isn't going to fight for it and just accepts it?*
"She did fight for our marriage and we did have a couple big fights but I suppose she realised that I'm not changing my mind and gave up"
*More on this:*
Commenter: ...Years of marriage? A shared child? And she’s reacting like the grocery store was out of cheddar so she had to get Swiss instead. Was there never much affection in this relationship? Was this a marriage of convenience?
OOP: It wasn't that easy. I just don't think it's necessary to mention fights that we had over it
*Make sure to consult lawyers:*
"Thanks and yeah I'll definitely be speaking to lawyers"
*You never had a conversation before you were married about how your wife should treat your daughter?*
"We did have that conversation and she never mentioned that she'd feel how she feels towards my daughter" | 2,340 | 2023-12-26T05:01:06 | AITA for bringing my daughter to my in laws party | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18r094d/aita_for_bringing_my_daughter_to_my_in_laws_party/ | false | true | [
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18r09ab | **I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/sassbootz
**Originally posted to** r/legaladvice
**X-MIL requesting a crazy amount of grandparent visitation... How to move forward?**
Trigger Warnings: >!emotional abuse and manipulation, attempted parental alienation, weaponized litigation, grandparents rights abuse!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/16x6teu/xmil_requesting_a_crazy_amount_of_grandparent/?share_id=E1X0zSG0SIhj8nhloe6ia&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 1, 2023**
My ex-MIL has taken me to court for grandparent visitation. Background: my ex was incarcerated 10/22 and since then I have allowed visitation (around 1-2x/month), included his side of the family in their school activities/extracurriculars, and sent pictures/updates. I also set boundaries at this time (no involving children in his case or discussing his case with them, no taking them to prison, etc). Grandma decided to break some of those boundaries so I started to limit when/where she could visit.
Anyways ... all that wasn't good enough, so grandma requested every other weekend (dads schedule), holidays, vacation time, and daily phone calls. We went to court and the judge pretty much said it's not grandmas job to step into dad's shoes, and it looks like mom (me) was already allowing visitation so they're going to have an uphill battle in her courtroom. Judge requested we go to mediation then we would return to court later this year.
Now their attorney has sent me a letter asking for grandma to have every Sunday from 9-5. I don't agree with any weekend visitation time because she is trying to take the kids to visit dad in prison and I am concerned about her communication with the kids (talking bad about me, asking them to "delete messages don't show your mom", putting them in the middle of conflict) - my oldest told me they no longer answer her calls because they are tired of grandma putting them in the middle of this.
I was previously offering visits during the week (dinner dates, go to the mall, etc) but she was declining my offers. At this point, I don't feel comfortable offering ANY visits until there is a court order / stipulations around communication, prison visitation, etc. BUT... do I need to respond to their attorney?
Also, my plan is to try and be fair here but also protect my children: offer limited monthly visitation (1-2 dinner dates/month no overnights + some holiday time), offer to update them on events/extend invite to school activities, put boundaries around communication, no prison visits, no putting children in middle of conflict, and I would like to keep my parental decision making rights that if grandma or her family continue to break these stipulations then I can cease at anytime without filing a modification. Does this seem fair, considering the circumstances? I can't find any information on what a grandparent visitation schedule would look like. Or do I ask the judge to throw this out completely because I was previously offering visits and grandma is clearly a toxic nutcase?
Sorry for the wall of text... thank you for reading and any advice.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**gingerdaisy03:** Keep offering the weekday visits. Offer dinner dates with you and the kids, park visits ect. Save all text offers/declinings of visits. Then you can say "over x time I offered x amount of visit opportunities doing x activities which she declined" it will go a long way. Have your kids screenshot all those messages and send them to you, add a passcode to their phone so gma cant delete them. If gma says nasty things, have your daughter write it down.. IN HER OWN WORDS. They may or may not consider it but if you present it in the Parental Alienation light, they probably will. You can also probably contact the prison and state that if she arrives for a visit with the children she is to be denied as she did not get permission to bring the children from their legal guardian and your children are not to be allowed entry into the facility.
> **OOP:** Yes, I've saved everything and it was in my response to her RFO - I have screen shots of all the messages, just waiting on next court date to present it to judge. I feel like I'm currently in this weird time of being in between court dates and don't really know which direction to go in. I don't want to seem that I am unwilling to offer any visitation, but at the same time I'm highly concerned with grandmas behavior and I don't want the court to say "well, you still allowed visits even with your concerns, too bad...". I do like the idea of a dinner date or park visit that might be a good compromise.
**gingerdaisy03:** Oh, all those visits will need to be surpervised. Use the texts as reasoning. "I allowed supervised visits only as she was discussing inappropriate subjects with my minor children. They dont need details of their fathers incarceration. I also wanted to make sure she was no longer trying to alienate me as a parent by talking badly about me to my children or taking my kids places Ive specifically said they are not to be. All of which she has done before supply accumulated evidence Im trying to ensure she has a relationship with her grandkids but my priority is my childrens wellbeing. Taking my children places Ive said not to, exposing my children to a prison, speaking ill of their parents and asking them to lie to their mother makes it very hard to trust her with my childrens safety and mental/emotional wellbeing" also get your kids into a therapist. If gmas screwing with them the therapist may be able to back you up if she hears the kids say directly they shes speaking badly, they're uncomfortable.
> **OOP:** I like this. Do I write this back to their atty so they can have visits before the next court date? "Hi, I received your letter requesting xyz, but I will only agree to abc due to lmnop" Also, my kids are 10 & 15... maybe they can go to dinner like you suggested and I'll be in the next booth over or they can go the mall and I just follow them around (I will feel totally stalker-ish) - but I will provide transportation.
>
> Yes, kids have been in therapy since incarceration :)
**crestedgeckovivi:** I think you need to just ask your children if they would like to even visit with grandma?
If they don't then simply offer supervised visits of your choice. (cause bring up that the children have mentioned grandma keep going against yours and the childrens wishs/ creating drama etc.) . That way you seem like you are being civil toward her but she is the one who doesn't seem to want to compromise and keeps breaking the boundaries.
> **OOP:** My kids and I have had open conversations about what they would like visitation to look like. They are both very much "well, we'd like to see our family sometimes but we don't want to go over there every other weekend, we don't want to go there for every holiday because we want to spend time with you and our other grandparents, and we are tired of them putting us in the middle of this"... So now it's my job to navigate that and try to find a reasonable solution.
That's why I was offering limited visitation, updates, and have always been civil with her.
**voyracious:** No one seems to have addressed the part where you seem resistant to following the judge's advice and try to work it out with the MIL, by which I mean respond to the attorney. Tell the attorney what you've written here - that you don't want her to take them to see their father (which is your right) so any unsupervised time on weekends is off the table.
Don't talk to ex-MIL, just negotiate through her attorney and see how it goes. I am a lawyer, but not yours, and the judge wants to see you being as reasonable as you have been. Don't give in, and just make a good faith offer. Dinner once a month and the occasional family holiday is probably sufficient for a grandma.
> **OOP:** Oh no, not resistant to judge's advice, which was "go to mediation and try to work it out with grandma" - I'm open to mediation and am hoping to come to a reasonable agreement on this so we don't need some long drawn out thing - but when the attorney sends me a letter and I am unrepresented, I just don't know what to do. Which is why I am here asking for advice :)
>
> Definitely want to seem reasonable - I will see what I can work out with atty. Thank you!
[Update](https://www.rareddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/18m4vqb/update_questions_xmil_requesting_a_crazy_amount/?share_id=ECoL_Enb-5CFPgn7Ua3Qv&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **December 19, 2023**
Long update - feel free to skip to questions towards the bottom.
Update: We went to mediation and did not agree. Grandma went from asking for every other weekend to asking for every Sunday from 7am-7pm and says that if that's too early, she would pick up my kids Saturday so they would spend the night....Of course, I said absolutely not happening.
I received a letter from their attorney telling me to bring my children to court because the "mediator communicated to him that they could interview the children" - I ignored the request.
I submitted a supplemental declaration with exhibits about my concerns with grandmas behaviors - grandma submitted a response full on bashing me including false accusations. Honestly floored their attorney let that get sent out.
When we went back to court, the attorney came up to me in the hallway to "explain how court orders work" (lol) - told me that a standard order includes language about no derogatory comments about the other party (yes, I know...) He asked for me to send the kids to grandmas for Thanksgiving - I said no, they saw them last year for Thanksgiving and even in custody orders between parents, one parent typically does not get every holiday every year. Then he threatened me with minors council and the judge would order my children to come to court. (Spoiler - she denied his request)
Anyways, the judge seemed very much on my side and did not agree with grandmas behavior. Agreed with my boundaries I set from the beginning and was pleased that one of them included for them to also not talk bad about the children's father. Overall, I have been reasonable. Judge commented that she feels most of this could be resolved if the petitioner would have reasonable expectations and requests for visitation.
Well their attorney asks for an evidentiary hearing... Judge looked annoyed. But from what I understand, if you request it you pretty much get it unless the court can find good cause to deny the request.
Phew, OK sorry - that's the update so far. I am prepping for an evidentiary hearing.
Questions:
1) Does my previous response to the RFO and supplemental declaration still count? Or do I need to reformat and type up a new declaration for the hearing? Or should I write up a new declaration and mark those as exhibits to reference?
2) I received their updated declaration - they are going back to their original request of every other weekend, provided exhibits (only pictures of kids with their family) and a witness list for testimony. However, according to CA Code FAM 217, they need to not only serve the witness list they also need to provide a brief description of the anticipated testimony. They didn't provide that. Will this work in my favor? Do I object to the testimony or what happens if I am unable to prepare due to their lack of proper filing?
3) Do I need to go in prepared with objections to testimony and cross-examination questions for each witness? Do I need to provide witnesses? Does it look bad if I don't have people in my corner to testify?
Thanks again!
# **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.** | 2,071 | 2023-12-26T05:01:18 | X-MIL requesting a crazy amount of grandparent visitation... How to move forward? | ONGOING | Choice_Evidence1983 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18r09ab/xmil_requesting_a_crazy_amount_of_grandparent/ | false | true | [
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18r09gb | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwaway_999666222
**I am leaving my fiancé of 8 years - Part 1**
**Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, Coercion by Intoxication, unacknowledged sexual assault, queer phobia, slurs, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/mUGlJeP2cN) **Sept 23, 2022**
Hey reddit, I kind of just need some advice on how to process what I need to do over the next couples of weeks.
For some quick background information, me 28M and her 28F have known each other since we were 13. We were bestfriends for years and we both dated during these times of being friends. I had girlfriends and she had boyfriends, but we were always close. Honesty, I think a lot of prior relationships failed because our partners couldn't handle the fact that our best friend was of the opposite sex. Anyway, after years of being best friends we got drunk one evening while being home for college and slept together. It was the best sex I have ever had, and she says the same. After that we joked about being FWB's. We did for a couples months but our emotions started to really grow for each other, and we both admitted to always having a crush on each other, everyone said we did anyway. So we started dating. We had what many would consider the perfect relationship. No real issues and our arguments were few and far between (not to mention usually petty). A year ago I proposed and she said yes and we planned our wedding for the fall. So here we are.
Anyway we had our bachelor/bachelorette parties about a month ago and we told each other what we were going to do. Me and my buddies were going to the amusement park, not going to say which one, during the day. Then go out drinking and riding four-wheelers and gators on trails (we only had a couple to be safe, we were by no means drunk). Then after that was done for the evening we were going to go back to my place and barbeque, play board/card games and video games and get smashed lol. My stbx fiancé plan was to go to the spa in the morning, go to the winery for the day and then go back to their hotel for the evening and order in room service and play games (what I don't know). We both insisted on no strippers. I for one do not really care as I am a confident man and am confident in my package. My stbx however, didn't want me seeing other women naked. I said I had no issue with that as strip clubs/strippers aren't really my thing and same for her. I have nothing against people in the field just not for me. Anyway our nights go without any problems and then she comes about day later. Everything seemed normal and we have continued to finish up the wedding. We are getting married in October, so it is coming up.
Well anyway over the weekend, took me some time to process, my buddy calls me and ask me to come over to help him with something. No problem. Anyway I get there we work on the little project he needed help on, only took about an hour.
I said to my buddy "I think you could have done that on your own dude (as a joke)".
He says, "Yeah, but this isn't really the reason I had you come over".
I asked him, "Then what I am I here for"?
He takes me into his home where his wife, a good friend of my stbx, is sitting at the table crying.
I asked, "Dude is she okay"?
He says, "Yeah but she has something to tell you".
His wife just says, "I am so sorry".
She goes on to to tell me that the day of their party they went to the spa, and the winery, but they made a detour on the way back to the hotel. They went to a strip club. Apparently, a girl from college my stbx is good friends, who for which I have never cared for, had been wanting to go the club. She had been telling my stbx that she really wanted to go and the others all day. My stbx and my buddy's wife were like no, but all the other girls were insistent. Anyway the apparently get my stbx really drunk at the winery and she says verbatim, "fxxk it, let go to the club and see some hot guys". My buddies wife goes, but mainly to make sure my stbx doesn't do anything to stupid. They get to the club and they do the normal strip club shit. Throw money at guys and drink. Well her friend from college whips out a hat and some furry looking thing and says "we have a soon to be wife here, she needs one last good night of fun". She then proceeds to get some stripper over there and is throwing money at the guy to give my stbx a lap dance. Like I said, it is whatever, but I do not like the lying.
I said "Even though I am not happy about the lying, that really doesn't bother me."
My buddy says, "Tell him the rest".
She goes on to say that he took my wife into the "backroom" for a private dance for all the girls. Anway my buddies friends declines and goes back to the car. After about 10 mins she goes back in to see what is going on and see my stbx blowing the stripper to completion with her friends cheering her on. Now, I swear this isn't some bs crap made up like the shit you see on porn sites where porn stars are "taken women". My stbx literally blew a stripper. My buddy's wife took pics and a video to cover her own ass when this eventually came out (no one has a clue). I asked her to send them to me and she did. I told them thank you and left. I called my brother, because he was the only person I could think to call in that moment. I knew my brother did some bouncing when he was younger, but I didn't know he worked at strip clubs. He said that was all to common. He said male strippers are actually encouraged to have the female visitors touch them as they will stay longer and spend more money.
He said, "I'd don't like to think about how many men are raising some strippers kid".
This was a few days ago and I have been trying to act normal around my stbx. She has no clue what is going on, but I think she is beginning to suspect some things. We both have very high sex drives and have sex almost everyday and were are both very affectionate. I haven't showed my stbx any affection or had sex with her. I told her I have just been busy with work, the wedding, and not just not feeling the best. Although, she has been asking is everything okay and do we need to talk about something. I have just blown it off as my mind just has a lot going on. Anyway, I have already made my decision to leave her. I just need some advice on what to do next. The house we live in is mine, and she is not on anything. We have separate bank accounts and have no kids. I just need some advice on canceling everything, letting people know, and basically kicking her ass out the best way with the least confrontation. I want nothing to do with her after this and for me to move on. Plus, for those that I am sure will see it was "one drunken mistake" shut the hell up. Alcohol does not make you do things without your control, it makes your impulses stronger. Hence the saying, sober thoughts are drunk actions. Plus, now I wonder if she has done this before and I just don't know. I have no trust in her and never will again. I have now lost my best friend and soon to be wife.
Thank you to any and all for any helpful advice you can give.
TL;DR
STBX fiancé have been best friends since we were kids. Cheated on me and I am done. Trying to figure out what is the best course of action to take to cancel all the wedding plans and how to move on.
Edit: STBX just came down to give me a kiss goodnight (no I didn't kiss her said I am getting sick) and to tell me that she is going to see the "one friend" Friday and Saturday, and will be back Sunday morning. Probably going to take this opportunity to get her shit together, change the locks, and cancel everything. Then have my brother call/message everyone the wedding is off. Will be funny when her friend gets the message while she is with her. Thank you to everyone for the kinds words and advice.
Edit 2:
She was definitely drunk. However, high fiving the one friend after she was done kind of takes away the whole accident. Really didn't think I would have to share that part.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/eFXAaQuZ8n) **Sept 24, 2022**
Hey everyone. Just want to say thank for all the good advice and nice comments that 99% of you made. There are couples things I need to clarify though.
• Yes my stbx was drunk, but had enough sense to high-five her one friend after finishing.
• In the video the stripper is not forcing her but she actually stops and then keeps going after.
• Many think this is fake and that is fine. I don't care. Honestly if you think it is fake that is fine. I just needed some advice.
• I thought all clubs were both male and female, and just varied on night.
• She did not plan to blackmail my stbx. She took the video (which was only like 18 seconds) and few pics. She knew this would come out eventually and wanted to cover her tracks with her husband. She saw that and then ran. She didn't know any of the other girls and was so surprised by what she saw, so she bolted out of fear.
• I am not mad at my ex, just disappointed, and to those who say you can salvage, she threw that away when she kept lying about it by not telling me.
• Also, no, her friends did not ruin a perfect relationship, she did. I don't believe the girls wanted us to end. They are all single women in their late twenties for which many think that casual sex is fine. I have no issues with people who do it, it is just not for me. I think some people on here just think that every person has some malicious intent and that the accused is just a victim of circumstance. People do messed up things sometimes of their own free will.
• I have no intentions of blackmailing her or tell people the info unless she wants to get nasty.
• Lastly, no I don't hate women. I actually defended many women from some assholes on the thread. These are few bad people not women, PEOPLE.
Now for a quick boring update:
Someone's asked about how my stbx seemed to be like the best women ever for me and that I had nothing bad to say about here at all other than this. Well you are correct. To say I was the weird kid in HS, is an understatement. I had long hair, colored all the time. I wore makeup and painted my nails. Dressed weird for many. She was always there for me ands protected me from others, as at that age I didn't have a spine. I had a few gf who I dated who said I was good looking but they wanted me to quit wearing makeup, painting my nails, and other things. I said I am not changing for anyone and she always defended me when these girls would talk ill of me after. So she was literally the only person I could talk to. I couldn't talk to my parents or brothers. She was the one who held me and cared for me when one of my exes started spreading nasty rumors about me and she sat with me every night for days. So she was the perfect women. That is why I cant confront her yet. I know I will break if I see her cry because I will think of the memories we have together. I still love her but no longer see her as my wife and bestfriend. If she wants to go out and have sex with random people that is her choice. Just do it single.
Anyway, I stayed up late on reddit and went to sleep on the couch for which I have for the past week. She got up to go to work, I took off today, and woke me up to give me a hug and a kiss goodbye. In my stupor I said love you too, and gave her a kiss. Muscle memory is a thing it seems. Although, I noticed no feeling with the kiss like I am used to. After that I went back to sleep and woke up at 9. I got some breakfast, took a shower, and started packing her stuff up. To those who said I seemed odd an emotionless well I cried a lot today. I have been in damage control and packing her stuff and seeing memories of us made me just break. I have been blaring music that keeps my mind occupied. My poor neighbors probably know my favorite music as much as I do now.
In the afternoon I get a call from my buddy. Turns out my stbx took a half day and went to their house to talk to her friend. Turns out she is having a emotional breakdown. I am not going to get into all the details but to hit the major points.
• She worried about me.
• She knows I am not sick. She knows when I am sick and knows I am not.
• She thinks I am getting cold feet about the wedding and is scared.
• She is extremely worried that I wont have sex with her or kiss her at all. In her own words "I usually cant keep him off me (which is true), but recently he wont even touch me. Not even a hug".
• She is wondering what is wrong and if my depression has come back worse.
There is more but that was the major point. She has no clue my buddies wife told me thankfully. Then later this evening, actually just a little bit ago, she calls me to say she made to her friends place. The conversation was brief but I could tell she was upset. To be honest, it hurt me to hear her like this and I wanted to hold her, but I need to do what is right for me. You know that sound like someone is holding back tears, that was her. She asked how I was feeling and I said better. Then we talked about the wedding and everything and just some other bs about work. She then says love you, and I say okay and say that I have food to finish and don't want to get burned. She says okay, and I tell her to be safe and have fun. She says she will and that she loves me again and I said bye and she said bye.
That is it. I know this is pretty boring but that is what happened today. I will probably keep updating if I feel I need too for mental reasons. If not, thank you all for the help and advice.
Edit:
Many of you seem to think that she may have been so drunk that she may not remember. I am going to call my buddies wife an ask her how drunk she actually was.
Just got off the phone with my buddies wife. She said that my ex not sloshed or completely drunk when the left the winery but was buzzed. She said that surprised her that she said lets go to the strip club. She said the kept drinking on the way there and drank a lot more at the club. She says she was definitely wasted but not blackout drunk during the lap dance. I then asked her about possible drugging as someone said. She said that she didn't see anything.
Edit 2:
Sorry for this but I just miss my fiancé so much. I just wish she would have told me and we could have worked on it. I wish she would have told me and been remorseful. I just want my life back the way it was two weeks ago. I just want my fiancé home with me and for things to go back to normal.
I'm about to call her and confront her, I just cant contain my emotions anymore. I know I shouldn't but I cant help it. The shit is killing me not knowing.
Edit 3:
I'm calling her.
It's on my page bye
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway_999666222/comments/xmlqwb/final_update_i_am_leaving_my_fianc%C3%A9_of_8_years/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **Sept 24, 2022**
Thank you to all who have been so nice to me and hepful. More than likely I will not update any longer and more than likely delete this account forever and stay away from redit after this
Anyway I fukcing called her. Took about 5 fucking times before she answered. When she did she asked if I was okay. Like an pissed off idiot I basically just said that I just fucking peachy. What about you who you fucking now. She was confused. To which I stated I know about the stripper and I know about the blowjob just come clean. She burst into tears and says she knew I knew. I'm still crying because I cant belvie she knew and didn't tell me. She said that yes they went to strip club and she got a dance. I said you got more than that.
She admitted to the bj and said that she was really drunk and made a horrible mistake but didnt know how to tell me. I was a like a mistake to let some dude cm on you and then celebrate with your friends. Taht sounds like a fucking celebaration. I gursted into tears about how we have been friends since we were kids how she was the only women i truly loved and how I only wanted her and nothing more. She said you are the best partner anone could have and that she is so sorry and want to fix it. I told her if she had told me from the begging and showed remrose but you didnt. I then asked why are you at "her house". She said that this had been planned for a while now. I was like how come I didnt know. She put it on the calendar on the fridge but I must have not seen (this was true she did). I said are you sure you arent their fucking anyone. She said no really loud adn then I was like how about before. How many fucking times you cheated on me. She says this was the only one time she every did that adn would never do it again. I went how would you feel if got a bj by some random girl. Would you be okay with that. She was like I could forgive it if you told me. I said let do it the other way. I ate some girl out, I had her shit all in my face and moth and she finished on top of me. Then I came home and kissed you with that mouth. Youd forgive that, she said I don know.
Just kept she is sorry. Wanted to work on it. I told her the shit is getting canceled tommrow and the wedding is over. Your shit will be out of my house and if you fight me on anything I wil release it to everyone. She kept saying to just listen. I said fine what. She says she was really drunk and that is no excuse. Taht I was the greatest guy in world and we are menat to be together. that If it would help I fuck any girl I wanted and she wuld let me. I said I dont want any girl, I wan tyou. I just wanted to marry the love of my life and be happy. You ruined that. I said fuck your friend, fuck you, and fuck our life. She begged me to stop talking like that and she was getting scared of why I might do to myself. I aid you only care now gecause you dont have some strage dick in your mouth. What was it. he hotten than me, bigger than me, more abs, taller what was it. She said neither. I a much hotter she said and bigger and better in everyway. I said so that is great to know, you fucked it up for less then what you had. I said oh he doesnt wear makeup and nail poish and probably som ejack off who puts himself in debt for stupid ass shoes or shirts and some car he cant afford. She said know that she loved i did those things and thougt it was attractive. Not likely I said. None of you exes would do that. I guess I am just some sucker that thought some beautful kind carring women actually loved me. I am ggetting of and going to bed and will have everything for you tomorrow. Have your dad get your shit. She said Iam coming home right now and we are going to fix this adn get things to the way there were. I just hung up.
So yeah, I am going to bed and hopefully dont have ahngover in the morning. Thanks reddit bye.
[Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway_999666222/comments/xn40as/last_update_leaving_my_fianc%C3%A9_of_8_years/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **Sept 25, 2023**
Hello everyone, I am sorry for my actions last night. They were completely and entirely uncalled for. Even though, I do not disagree with some of the things I said on the last post, they still weren't right. I would like to apologize for anything I may have said to those people. Even though I may not disagree, it was not right and I am sorry. Also, any people who may have got into a textual altercation with anybody over the last few days, please message them and apologize. This is not why I came here. I came here for some honest advice and a smack in the face for what I need to do. So, please apologize to each other. I can't make you, but I implore you to do so. Thank you.
Also to clarify a couple things for some people.
I never intended on sending the video/pictures of her actions to anyone. I am currently going to tell people we had a change of hart and are separating. I said that unless she bad mouths me or tries to fight me on anything , concerning my home or money, that I will not TELL people of her actions. We don't live in a really small community or large community. But small enough to where if what she did got out, she would more than likely be release from her job and her career go under. I don't want to do it, but will if my hand is forced. Once everything is settled, the video and pictures will be deleted.
Also, still don't know how this one is getting confused, but the one friend or her DID NOT video the altercation with the stripper. My buddies wife did. When she came back in to see what was taking so long. When I mean cover her ass with her husband, she means that she knew this would eventually come out. So, when it did, her husband would be curious if she did anything like that as well. She wanted to show her husband that it was only my ex and that she ran out afterwards and went home. She couldn't hold it in any longer and knew the longer she kept it from her husband and I, makes her just as bad as them. As the other few girls were single, it wouldn't matter for them.
Lastly, only the one friend has called me and I have blocked the other girls numbers. To clarify she called me a faggot for my style choices. Said she wanted her to suck the strippers dick to see what a real man is like. Then was going to take her out today and get her in bed with another guy to convince her to leave me. Well she got her wish. I proceeded to say well we know why no man will ever want to be with you and just uses you for sex. To clarify, she really wants to be a wife and a mom, based on what my ex has told me, then I hung up. To clarify, I am not misogynistic, my shot was not at all women just this one person who happens to be a women.
For the update:
I called my buddy after I got off here and told him everything. He called me an idiot and showed up shortly. I feel asleep and don't know much after. According to him early this morning my ex showed up trying to get into my house and he told her to leave. He said he doesn't want to see you and you need to go back to your mom and dads tonight. According to him she listened go into the car and went to her parents. I eventually woke up late this morning to a message on my phone from her father. For anyone wondering her father was married before. They got married very young and she cheated on him. He divorced with no kids or anything so it was a clean break. Anyway his message was very brief and to the point. All he said was that I am sorry for my daughters actions. I didn't raise her that way. I will respect any decision you decide to do. What time would you like us to come her things? I give my ex the benefit that she at least told them the truth.
I texted him the time to come and that everything was already pack and just needed to go and he just responded ok. Thankfully I don't have a hangover and feel fine. I got cleaned up and have eaten breakfast. As me and my buddy finished everything: him, his wife, and her showed up. His wife and him walked up while she stayed in the car and refused to look at me. Her dad asked where stuff was and I pointed and he began packing. Her mother asked if we could talk. I had calmed down and since she was always good to me I said okay. She apologized for what her daughter did and gave me hug and kiss on the cheek. She used to do this when we were younger to as she always really liked me. She began to cry and so did I. She said it is up to you want you want to do from here. I just want you to know, she loves you so much and will do anything to fix this and regrets it with her life. However, what she did can be seen as unforgiveable and I understand if it is. She then told me to stay safe and that I am a good man who didn't deserve this and gave me another hug and a kiss. They finished packing and were about to go when I noticed my ex began to have a crying fit. Her parents calmed her down and she got out of the car and came up to me. She asked if we could talk alone. I told her I will be videoing it for my own safety and she said that was fine.
We came in a sat down and she started crying and I did too. She said she was so sorry and that she will do anything if I would just forgive her. I said I can't do that. I was like if you had told me right after and was remorseful we could have worked on it. But, you kept it from me and continued to hide it. She said she knows, and has regretted it since that night. I mentioned the high-five and she said my friends were cheering me on and I got caught up in the moment. As soon as I realized what I had done I immediately shut down. You can ask anyone there. I quit drinking we left to the strip club, I got a shower and went to bed. They wanted to go to more bars and hangout with guys and play games and everything else; but I just wanted to forget that evening ever had happened. I hoped that I would forget and you would never find out. But you are right I should have told you. She asked if there anything she could do and I said no. I asked her have you ever cheated on me before? We are already done so it doesn't matter now. She swears that she has never cheated on me before and that this was the one and only time. I may be an idiot but I do believe her. I mentioned her friend and what she had said about me and how she wanted her to give the stripper a bj and get her laid today. She said that when she left it woke her up and asked why she was leaving. She told her and she said who cares we will go find you a real man. She said he is a real man that loves me for me and I have fucked everything up. She then told her I was a faggot and not a real man bs and she told her to fuck off and to never call her again. She said you liked when I got that stripper to let you give a bj. She was like you wanted that? Yeah and I wanted to get you laid this evening. Forget him, you need guy who doesn't wear makeup and paint his nails and stays at home for work (I guess because I don't work with my hands I am not a "real man"). My fiancé basically said, that I love those things about him and he has an amazing career and is better than all those guys. Then told her to never call her again and leave her alone.
She then asked is there any chance of us rekindling in the future. I told her I can't predict the future but I wouldn't bet you life on it. She gave me the biggest hug, and I would be lying if I didn't want to hug her back and say it is okay lets get married, but I didn't. She gave me a kiss and then the worst part. I asked for the ring back. She begged and pleaded one more time with me, but I said please just give me the ring back. She took it off handed it to me. I then told her, I wont be releasing the video or pictures that I have of you. As long as you don't do anything that would negatively affect me I am just going to tell people we had a change of heart. She told me thank you for being kind to me. Then went on about how I am the sweetest guy ever and how she messed up everything and is so sorry. She then said she would never talk ill of me and even if she did no one would believe her (as a joke). She then went, where did you get those? I said it doesn't matter. She said your right it doesn't. I told her goodbye and she said bye to me. She turned around one last time and said please I'll do anything. I said no, you should have told me. She tried to give me one more hug and a kiss, but put my hand and said please just go. They left and that is it. I have already cancelled everything and my buddy and brother are notifying everyone of the cancelled wedding.
Thanks to everyone. To be honest, this will probably get deleted once I get some normalcy back and will delete it so that I will never see this again. But thank you to everyone. Also, please be kind to each other. This name calling and battling out one another is not worth it and makes us less human. Please be kind and apologize to each other. I didn't want this to become a pick side situation. I wanted this to be advice and help. But again thank you to all.
Edit:
I know one will see this I do not care as this venting helps a bit.
This morning it turns out my ex had text me early this morning asking me if I had posted on reddit. I asked her why and she admitted that she was looking at anything that may resemble what happened to us and if there is a way to fix this. She sent me a link and I said that yes that was me but who posted it was not. I don't know if someone had stolen or shared this story, but I am not exactly happy about it, but what can I do.
I saw some comments and I am sure some of you are thinking the same thing.
• We aren't alcoholics. We drink maybe two or three times a year. That is it. I drank the other night because of a stupid reason and I regret it, but it is done. I already threw out what I had and will not be buying anymore.
• Yes, I had depression when I was a young teen into my late teens. Mainly once I left for college, it got a lot better and I really haven't had an issue with it. It wasn't until this that my depression has gotten bad again. No, I am not on drugs and no I don't take anti-depressants. I just need to let things settle down.
• I HAVE ALREADY DELETED THE PHOTOS AND VIDEO!!!!! I know she isn't going to push anymore so I see no issue with getting rid of them. Once again, I never was going to release them. Also, I contacted my buddies wife to delete them as well and she has. Also, I NEVER THOUGHT OF RELEASING THEM. I merely kept them as proof if she tried to lie about it. Once she admitted, I see no reason to keep them.
• I didn't change the locks. She willing gave me the key to my house she stated it isn't hers to keep any longer. For the record I will give she is very independent. She never wanted to join bank accounts and she is not on the house. When I purchased the home we had been dating a while and knew we would get married. I offered to put her on the home and she refused as she said she couldn't contribute to it so she had no right to it. I will say she made a terrible decision, but is not a terrible person.
• She knows who sent me the photos and videos now so I hope that doesn't ruin their friendship as they are each others only friends now, but if it does, it does.
• To the people calling me insecure, if that makes your day better, go for it.
Lastly, my ex even said that some of you are just nasty vial humans. To those who were attacking me for no reason. I don't know if she is trying to take my side to make me let her back in, but it is whatever. I already apologize to her for the drunk call and the post. She has forgiven me and I have forgiven her for what she has done too. It doesn't mean I trust her, but I see that by not forgiving her I only hurting myself. I realize people mess up and none of us are perfect. But just because she messed up, doesn't mean I have to continue my life with her. Also, I will be deleting the drunk post as I isn't helpful in anyway.
Minor Update:
I was messaged by my ex again and I guess this made it to YouTube. I don't know by who and I don't care. She mentioned I deleted the drunk post. I guess this individual or guy who read the story didn't see it. I am not upset by that, but if they really wants to see it is out there. Also I have asked that she no longer contact me and she agreed to stop.
[BoRU - Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/6SSbsektEP)
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 743 | 2023-12-26T05:01:31 | I am leaving my fiancé of 8 years - Part 1 | REPOST | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18r09gb/i_am_leaving_my_fiancé_of_8_years_part_1/ | false | true | [
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18r0aek | **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwaway_999666222
**I am leaving my fiancé of 8 years - Part 2**
**Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, Coercion by Intoxication, unacknowledged sexual assault, queer phobia, slurs, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse!<
[BoRU - Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/NFQ4eSkp1F)
[Update 4 - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xv0kkp/deleted_by_user/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **Oct 4, 2022**
Hey everyone, just want to give a quick 2 week update. Nothing has changed with my ex and we have gone no contact per my request. I have been pretty depressed and upset lately due to everything but I have read some comments on here and I have to say many of you cheered me up. Especially on a, I guess an update sub, where they take stories ands share them there (this is the thread my ex found and sent me). I read one thread of comments by some women that brought me to tears. They were saying who they were glad that there are men who are confident enough to wear makeup and jewelry and other things like I do and think it is sexy. I don't remember the exact quote but one said that she think it shows his masculinity and that it is attractive to be confident in himself to know worry about what others think and does what makes him happy. I just want you to know you brought me to tears ands made me feel better on some of my worse days so far and thank you so much for your comment.
Anyway, not much has happened so far. I do have to go into the office this week for some business so wish me luck. But anyway, this last weekend was really really hard. There was nothing to do for the wedding and since Friday was October 1st and fall/Halloween is my favorite time of year I was pretty depressed. I am usually decorating with my ex and getting everything setup and ready. Plus, going to local haunted houses and mazes, not to mention spending too much money on Halloween stuff lol. Anyway Friday night I get a call from a good friend from high school. She calls me to let me know she is so sorry that my ex cheated on me. I said thank you, but then caught the "cheating" part. I have never told anyone and neither has my one friend and his wife or my brother. I asked huh? She then goes on to tell me the full story.
To make it quick I guess when people got the messages from my brother about our change of heart on the wedding, and I guess my ex's extended family and friends were ecstatic. To be frank many were basically saying that they were glad we separated and that my ex deserved better. They were saying things like it is about time she woke up and left his ass and that then some even said I bet he cheated on her too. I guess my ex saw all these things and then put a big message out for them all to see. I don't know the exact what she did but I guess my ex admitted to her cheating, and the details. Even mentioned the evidence and how I would never show it to anyone. Then proceeded to say that she is glad that she now knows who is honest in her family and friends and that she now knows to cut off 95% of the people in her life (not her mother or father [they are not happy about us ending and actually loved me]). That really hurt to know because I honestly thought my ex's extended family and friends liked me. But once again I was a fool.
So, my friend said that we are all going out tonight. I told her I don't really feel like going. She said we are going ands for me to get ready and they will be there in a hour. So, I got shower and put on some jeans and a shirt. They showed up and asked what was I wearing. For some detail I grew up in mid sized farm community. I have friends who are farm boys/girls, I know weird considering who I am, and of the more eccentric crowd I suppose. My good female friends and the ones husbands and the others wife showed up. To say I haven't been the most confident is an understatement. I had nothing like I usually do and just haven't felt like it. They said bullshit were getting you ready. So they come in and procced to get me dressed up, my hair done, and my makeup done. It was a lot fun to be honest. I haven't done this with them in a long time and I really enjoyed our time. Haven't been able to do this with them since college.
Over an hour later, I couple other friends and my buddy and his wife show up. My buddy is actually a farm boy so people think it is weird we are such good friends lol. They had me dressed in less than gender norm clothing and we didn't even go out lol. We ordered in food, played games, danced/listened to music and had just a lot of fun. My buddy even said "I haven't seen you smile like this in a long time". We all hung out and just had fun, no alcohol (I'm done with that shit). We all passed out at my house and then everyone got up and left an said we need to do this more often. I am glad they came over because I needed this.
So, I know a small update, but I just am glad I have some good friends who love me for me. Thank you all for the kind words and support over the last couple weeks.
[Final update - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y6s3r3/deleted_by_user/) **Oct 18, 2022**
Hey everyone, for anybody still reading these updates lol. I just wanted to give a little update after around a month since everything occurred. A lot has happened in these last two weeks. Also disclaimer, I never realized I made a typo on fiancée. I haven't noticed that I was making the mistake until yesterday. So, fiancé will now be fiancée lol.
Anyway after my last update I had to go into the office that week. Because of my friends and some nice people on here, I felt confident to wear my makeup to work. I don't really know how to explain it, but think Chris Motionless in a suit and tie. However, I only have earrings and my hair is unique to me. I go to work like this and on my first day back I notice a very attractive women in the elevator with me. It was just her and I. She had beautiful black hair with blonde highlights. Her makeup was done amazing. She was also wearing a very nice black dress with red heels. I mentioned to her that I love her outfit and she said thank you. She looked back at me and said she liked my style. Anyway, we got off the elevator at the same time. I said to her, "Oh do you have a meeting with blank"?. She said, "Yes I do. Do you?" I told her yes. I responded with my handout and my name. She said "Hey (blank), I am Alice." (not her real name). I went "Alice"? She laughed and said "Hi". Off topic Alice and I work in different departments but have to mingle often due to our jobs intercepting with each other frequently. I had never seen a picture or seen Alice in calls. She has never seen me either. So, we got to our meeting and do our job. At lunch we sit together and just talk. I asked her to go out to dinner since she has never been here before. She said to me, "I don't think your fiancée would like that". No one from my job was invited our wedding so no one really even knows I was engaged. Alice knew because I told her. I then go on to tell her what happened and she said I am sorry. Shen then agrees to dinner. We go to a nice little place and have dinner. We are just making small talk when she mention my situation again. I am honest about everything and she start telling me about her situation. Alice is few years older than me and said how she had been with her HS sweetheart since they were 16. I guess a little over a year ago she stated that he had cheated on her and they separated. She has not dated since. We continue to bs for a while then we go our separate ways. Next day at work she ask if we can have dinner on Friday since she is leaving on a plane Saturday morning. I said, "Sure sounds like fun". Friday comes around and we got out to some bar place with music. We have food (no drinks) and dance a little bit for fun. Eventually, we go back to her hotel room and talk for a while. Just usual banter, but eventually she mentions that she hasn't had sex in over a year. I didn't say anything. She then goes on to tell me that she hates hooking up because no guys are willing to wear a condom and that most guys are hooking up with several women at once that they probably have diseases and haven't even been checked. She looks at me and says, "Do you have any idea what that is like"? I responded with, "No. I don't". I haven't been single since I was in my early twenties so no. She just keeps going on about how it sucks and how it just shitty out there. I apologize that I don't what it is like. She says, "Not it isn't your fault. I'm just venting". She said, "I am going to the bathroom.", and I asked her if she wanted me to leave so she could get some sleep since she had a flight in the morning. She said, "No I will be out in a minute". After a bit she comes out of the bathroom naked. I froze. She asked if we are having sex? I once again just froze. Alice handed me a condom. We had sex. The sex was great. I know it sounds terrible but I needed that. I felt emasculated after being cheated on and I needed to feel something. I know it is bad but I needed that. My confidence has been better since then. This was not "love making" like with my ex. This was just dirty rough sex. We woke up, had sex in the shower, got ready, and she left for the airport and wished me luck. Even though the sex was great, I felt empty after. This is why I was never into hookups. There is no emotions and I am not a fan of that. That was all that happened till last week.
Just quick background for everyone. My ex and my buddies wife are still friends. According to my buddy they have talked since everything came out. I guess it pretty much was I am sorry for what happened but he needed to know. My ex responded by saying that what she did was the right thing. She was upset that my buddies wife didn't stop her at the club, but my ex understood why given the circumstances. My ex also said that she should have never put her in that situation to begin with.
But to last week. Last week an individual on reddit pm'ed me. I have noticed many of you have an I appreciate the kind words even though I may have not messaged you back. I will keep this person private unless they themselves wish to say who they are. This person just wanted to talk and stated that they were and still are in a similar situation. There's however, I will say is much worse than mine. We got into some very deep and dark talks about our partners. We have talked for the last week. There were a lot of emotion me and that person share describing our similarities, and how we handled them. How this person dealt with it amazing. I wish I could be half as brave as they were. But, I remember one question this person asked me. They asked me, "Would you be content with your life if she moved away to start her life over or if she found someone else"?. My response was I don't know, I just want her to be happy. But I know the answer is no. Another thing I mentioned was that she was more popular girl in HS where as we all know I wasn't. Her last boyfriend cheated on her and she was very upset by it. I was with her for a long time while she recovered. I mentioned that I had insecurities to this person. How I am nothing like her exes and that I feel like she wanted to cheat to get out of it. Plus, now that everyone knows I will be seen as the freak who couldn't get anyone else so I stayed with her. This person responded by saying, "Listen, that's what people do.. they talk. They talk because they have nothing better to do. It's human nature. Who cares what they'll say, just do what you know would be best for the two of you. Fuck everyone else". This really stuck with me. As we talked more they recommend I write a letter with all my feelings and give it to her. I did this. I wrote everything and said at the end to call me if you would like. I am not going to repeat what I wrote on that letter but know it was everything I had been feeling. She called and we met later.
We went to where our first date was. It was a picnic at the park (I know cheesy). Our park does Halloween lights so I thought it would be nice to go there in the evening. When I saw her I felt butterflies in my stomach and my head got hot. However, I felt awful when I saw her. She looked bad. She looked like she has lost weight, exhausted, and just almost sickly. I have also never seen her so covered up. She never dressed like very revealing, but it wasn't very cold and she was dressed like it was freezing. Before I could get a word in she starts crying. She started saying that she couldn't believed I still loved her. Then I asked some questions.
• Was this the only time? I need you to be honest. She said no she swears.
• Why did you tell everyone? She said everyone was trying to blame me and make me look like the bad guy and that bothered her. I asked if she feared me telling people and that is why she told? She said no. She knew I would never tell a soul even if she tried anything with me. Deep down I don't think I could have told anyone ever.
• She then told me she was asked to resign from her job and she did.
• Her parents hate her.
• I asked if she enjoyed blowing the stripper? She said no. I mentioned everything. She said she knows. But after she sat down she froze and in her own words, "I wanted to shoot myself". After, she went back to the hotel room. Her friends kept drinking and partying at the hotel bar. She told me she has deleted all their contacts and wants nothing to do with them.
• Also, turns out she was high. Her and her friends ate edibles hours before (my buddies wife didn't know). I said, I asked if you had taken anything. She didn't tell me because it would just sound like another excuse so she didn't say anything.
• Then I asked why you didn't tell me about the cheating. She said she didn't know how. She said that she knew I would never hurt her but she was scared of what I would do to myself. She knew it was wrong. She was ashamed and scared of how to tell me.
I then mentioned my hookup and she cried a lot. She said she has no right to be hurt, but it still hurts. I told her it was just a hookup nothing more. She then said I still owe revenge on her and told her to not worry about it. I then told her about how I was insecure because I am nothing like her exes. She said she knows and is sorry for that. She mentioned what happened one of the nights I was with her after her ex cheated. I told her I remember. Basically, she kissed me and I said it was her sadness and hormones going crazy and wrote it off. She said that when she kissed me she knew she loved me (she never told me this). We talked a little longer but I knew she needed to eat. I offered to get her something and she said she was fine. I said, "no you need to eat." I grabbed her hand and said lets go. To say she lit up is an understatement. I took her somewhere to eat and she ate SO MUCH. I had no issue with it. I was happy to see her eat. I took her to her car and she asked if we could try again. I said lets start as friends and see what happens. I then said you are going to have to deal with my emotions for a long time and she said she will do whatever it takes. I then mentioned I will call her boss to get her job back. I know him decently well and will ask him. I did and she started back today. Small business and I know the guy though my grandmother.
Then later that week. She came over in the morning to help me decorate for Halloween. Come to find out she told her parents where she went. Her dad said, "he is a better man than me.", and her mom said, "If he has it in is heart to forgive you, you better make him the happiest man on this planet because he deserves that". The only issue that day was it was hard to see her sometimes. Still emotions creeping up here and there. But I did my best. We actually were sitting watching a movie while having lunch and I asked if she wanted something and she did hop on top of me and tried to initiate sex. I told her that she is sexy and I she is beautiful, but I am not ready for that. She cried. Not because I rejected her, but because she knew why. Some other things were mentioned that I will not discuss. We said we will be having "friend" dates a couple times a week. I know it is weird but it feel like I am falling in love with her all over again. I also joked that if this works we should sell my house and move somewhere far from here. She actually was very keen on the idea. She doesn't want to leave her parents, but she said she will leave with me. Plus, this morning I took her to work. She was scared to go in with everything and I offered to take her. I have picked her up and we made dinner and watched a movie. She has went home since then and here I am.
So that is update now. I know very long. If you read all of this I am sorry for your wasted time, but thank you.
TL;DR
I talked to someone. Wrote a letter and we met. We are trying to be friends again and see where things go.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 987 | 2023-12-26T05:02:52 | I am leaving my fiancé of 8 years - Part 2 | REPOST | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18r0aek/i_am_leaving_my_fiancé_of_8_years_part_2/ | false | true | [
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18r0c3k | **I am not The OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts:** u/ThrowRA67834288 & u/ThrowRA678352
**AITAH (30M) for asking my wife (26F) to cover up during EDM festival.**
**Originally posted to** r/AITAH
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!controlling behavior!<
**MMOD SPOILER:** >!adult communication saves the day!<
[Original Post recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18kr6z7/aitah_30m_for_asking_my_wife_26f_to_cover_up/) **Dec 17, 2023**
So a little background, my wife has been going to EDM festivals since before we met. The music isn’t really my thing but I’ve attended several with her and always have a good time. When we attend these, to say she dresses skimpy is an understatement. Thongs, pasties, body paint, etc. I was a little shocked at first but honestly, she looks incredible. I actually find it a bit of a turn on and don’t have any issues with it since I’m with her.
My brother got married few months ago and his wife and my wife have become good friends, which is great. She even invited her, and by extension my brother, to the next festival we plan on attending, and she eagerly accepted. Herein lies the problem.
While I love my wife’s festival outfits when we’re amongst strangers, or festival friends that we only see once a year at the festival, I’m not comfortable at all with her wearing such outfits around my brother. I don’t think it’s appropriate.
I asked my wife if she would tone it down for the festival. I’m not saying dress like a nun but maybe not have your ass cheeks and tits out. I told her I’d prefer my brother, who we see often, not to be able to so easily imagine her almost nude.
She said that she puts a lot of effort into her outfits and that it’s part of the experience for her. I said that’s fine, but then let’s just not go with my family. We could cancel and just go to another one by ourselves like normal.
She thinks that’s an unreasonable request and that I making a big deal out of nothing, She also said that canceling or disinviting my brother and SIL, would be incredibly rude and she was looking forward to attending with SIL. She says I’m being a controlling AH.
Am I in the wrong here?
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/WUXbmfpSnr) **Dec 19, 2023**
I deleted the throwaway account of the original post but the gist of the original post is that my wife dresses very provocatively at these events when we go together, which I love, however she invited my brother and SIL to the next one without consulting me first.
I asked her to tone down the outfits since my brother will be in attendance, or cancel on them. She thought they were unreasonable requests and that I was being controlling. Many of you agreed and gave me much to think about. It still didn’t sit right with me though so I took another shot explaining my position a little better taking into account what people said to make a better argument.
So I came home from work and asked my wife to have another discussion about the issue as I was not sitting ok with how we left it.
My wife started she was a little hurt that I called her outfits inappropriate and that it seemed like I thought she was doing something wrong. She said she just got really defensive and jumped into “nobody tells me what wear” mode instinctively. She also was a little hurt that I wanted to shut down what she thought was a nice gesture.
I apologized and told her I may not have communicated well as I was taken by surprise, but that I don’t find her outfits inappropriate and that I actually really like them and that she looks gorgeous. But that I am uncomfortable with her wearing them in front of my family.
I mentioned to her that she keeps photos of us together when she’s wearing that stuff in a private folder on her phone, and also that she only posts tame photos at the camp to social media. Why? I never requested she do that.
She said because she doesn’t want people from work to see and get a wrong impression since she works in a professional setting. I asked her if she would wear them in front of my mother and she said no, that she was older and wouldn’t understand she doesn’t intend it in a sexual way. And the private folder so nobody comes across them by accident.
So I explained that we both agree there’s a line on who it’s appropriate to let see and who’s not, and we just have a disagreement on who’s on what side of the line. I explained that I get it, the people at the festival get it, SIL maybe gets it, but this whole experience is going to be completely alien for my brother, and he may view some of the more extreme outfits in a sexual way, particularly throwing dancing and MDMA in the mix. Not that I’d imagine he’d be inappropriate, but that’s I’d really prefer he not view you like that, and it has the potential to cause awkwardness between us.
I also said that just dressing a little more conservative this one time would really make me more comfortable and able to enjoy the festival with her and them.
She said she understood my perspective but still had some concerns. Namely, she’s really hoping SIL enjoys herself and wants to continue coming with us and likely this would mean my brother too. Would I expect her to change permanently?
The whole slippery slope thing. I said firstly, we don’t even know if they’re gonna to enjoy it or want to return. We go 2-3 times a year. If they end up liking it and wanting to go every year I’ll stop going on my yearly motorcycle trip with the guys and use that time and money to go 3-4 times a year. We can do 1 time with them where we keep it PG-13, and the rest just you and me like we usually do. This way you’re not losing out on a full festival experience, but gaining an additional family one.
I also explained that I’m really happy that her and my SIL are getting along so well and I’m excited for her to experience this with her friend, but that I do prefer just her and I because it’s like an escape from our regular life where we can just get weird with it, and that bringing people from our day to day means I’ve got to be a little more reserved and can’t 100% let loose.
She said she totally understands and thinks we just had some miscommunication and that it’s a good plan. She said she knows how much I enjoy those motorcycle trips so being willing to give it up really showed how much it means to me. We’re going to look for some new outfits together that will still look great.
What I learned from this thread are some of y’all are wild. Calling for divorce on her end, divorce on my end. Absolute unwillingness to compromise and like insulted at even being asked. How do you go through life or relationships like that? Divorce over mild disagreements.
Then there’s the folk who feel the need to call a stranger a slut, hoe, etc. I mean, even if you feel that way what possesses someone to type it out? And the requests for pictures, gross.
Anyways, all is good between us now. I learned a little about communicating my concerns a little better. Everyone is excited for the event, and for those of you that were truly helpful, thanks.
**ADDITIONAL INFO FROM OOP**
**On if she's making the change for OOP's brother**
>She’s not changing to accommodate my brother. She’s compromising to make me more comfortable. I accept that she issues lies with me, and wouldn’t even be an issue if I didn’t care, but I do.
>Yes it’s a festival and most women are dressed with little clothing, but most aren’t wearing pasties and thongs. Many, sure, but not most. I just asked her to go middle of the road for this one. I have a few reasons for this.
>Firstly, I don’t want my brother to see my wife dancing around in that state of undress. She gets flirty, she sometimes will lightly make out with other women (I’m cool with this but would prefer family not know), etc. There is a possibility that my brother would start to see (just see) her in a sexual way, and I d like to avoid that.
>Secondly, I feel like because it’s going to be such a foreign experience for him he’s likely to talk about it to other family or have pictures maybe (maybe my wife gets caught in the background) and that it gets back to other family members that I see often.
>As I mentioned before I come from an Italian-American Catholic family. Like Sopranos without the crime. They lean conservative. I can already hear the “you let your wife go out like that?” comments implying that I’m some sort of weak pushover, because they would never “allow” their wives to do such a thing. Or that I’m some sort of sex freak because I enjoy her dressing like that.
>And the fact is I do enjoy it, though I do feel a little bit of shame and guilt about the fact that I do, like I shouldn’t. And yes, it would probably be better for society as whole if I just called them out on their archaic views, or exclude them from my life if they don’t change. But I’m just not that guy. Not everything needs to be a fight.
>I realize all of this could be solved by letting go of some insecurities, Catholic guilt, and not worrying about what anyone thinks about me or my wife, but I don’t know how you just do that. People on the other thread toss that out like it’s super easy but it seems like an insurmountable task to me.
>And as many people have said and I 100% agree with, absolutely none of this is my wife’s fault or her problem. It’s my problem caused by issues I have in not wanting to deal with all this, but I just want to keep certain aspects of my life separate from family and eat my Sunday gravy in peace.
**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** | 2,749 | 2023-12-26T05:04:47 | AITAH (30M) for asking my wife (26F) to cover up during EDM festival | CONCLUDED | Direct-Caterpillar77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18r0c3k/aitah_30m_for_asking_my_wife_26f_to_cover_up/ | false | true | [
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18r4cuh | \*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by a throwaway account on r/AITAH\*\*
trigger warnings: >!financial abuse!<
mood spoilers: >!sad ending!<
[AITA for rolling my eyes at my boyfriend's proposal because it took 25 years of me begging?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18kvyqv/aita_for_rolling_my_eyes_at_my_boyfriends/) \- Dec 19, 2023
Yesterday after dinner my (52F) boyfriend of 30 years (53M) proposed to me.
He just walked towards me holding a box and said to open it. It was a ring and I had pictured this moment a million different times but never thought I'd be so apathetic.
My boyfriend then said that he was retired now and wants to kick back and enjoy life with me, and would love to do it all with me as his wife.
A nice speech and all but from the 5 year mark of our relationship onwards, I had been making clear my deep desire to marry, and was consistently dismissed, given empty promises, gaslit.
We had been through the gamut with therapy and one counselor implied that me telling him we needed to go to therapy and getting his butt on the couch still means nothing if his mind has been made up. I was in denial about the fact he was just giving me the false illusion of progress to stall.
My boyfriend and I have 4 kids. The oldest 3 are adults, while the youngest is 15F ( was sleeping over elsewhere when this all went down). All of our kids went to a private school filled with typical Southern soccer parents. I had to endure PTA moms' jabs about me not sharing a last name with my kids. Preteen years were hell because the other kids would taunt my kids by saying "Your dad would rather sin and go to hell than marry your mom!"
My BF's mom would tell him marriage would be selfish on my part; it is just a piece of paper.
My BF ended up rising up the ranks until he became an executive. I was a SAHM so I felt like there was always a power imbalance, exasperated by the fact I could be tossed any time. I partly did stay because I wanted my kids to have the best life and because I felt lucky and proud to be partnered with such an intelligent, successful man, but also because I loved him.
These past few years my boyfriend's career has taken a downturn. He will never be poor, but the company he was part of took a nosedive during 2020 and he had made enemies out of associates/ board members.
He decided to step back from his role and take the generous severance agreed upon. Now he is living off his investments and wants to relax. I did not like how his career ended and how he treated people and had been deciding whether I wanted to leave and find somebody else after our youngest turns 18.
So the proposal was a shock because I should hope that he noticed I have avoided conversations about the future as of late. He rattles on about downsizing "our" house so we can travel and also cutting back on our other expenses, but we're not married so it's all his money/ house anyway.
He did notice my eye roll and was offended. He asked what's wrong and I said that suddenly now that he's downsizing I'm good enough to marry.
He got mad and said that now that he's downsizing and no longer an executive, I suddenly think our relationship is disrespectful. And started implying I was a gold digger. I was so angry I walked out and said I might just go out looking for a respectful relationship because I don't know what respect is anymore. AITA?
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18likzl/update_aita_for_rolling_my_eyes_at_my_boyfriends/?share_id=1YfZXMRG_0R7fGP4bLpuD&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=3)\- Dec 19, 2023
At the time of my original post, my boyfriend and I had not spoken since the engagement fight. I've been with him long enough to know that when he goes and closes the bedroom door before I get in that's a signal that I should sleep in one of the guest rooms so I did that.
However this morning I broke the ice. I told him about how dismissed I felt over the years. I also said that we are both in our 50s and these last few years have taught us that people at work who kiss the ground you walk on one day can easily turn on you the next.
And true partners in life are valuable and hard to find, so I wished he'd treat me like I'm valued. Instead he treats me like he thinks prettier, better, and just as loving is always around the corner. I apologized for the eye roll but told him that if he wants marriage, I want a quick committed timeline and genuine happiness from him to be marrying me. I don't need a big party.
He listened to me and finally asked if this was about the money/ security. He told me that being an executive's girlfriend required things of me, but if I wanted to work I could have. He said he doesn't think I'm grateful enough for the position in society I was in due to his career.
But that he's not mad about the eye roll- he said he didn't succeed by being that sensitive. He went on to say I was not his prisoner so I can leave at any time. But to remember he won't tolerate being made my prisoner either via manipulation.
He said that for what it's worth, the engagement ring is mine and I could do whatever I wanted with it. He will also not be accused of not providing for his daughter so be assured he won't shirk child support. But that he felt what I said before was emotional blackmail.
So he no longer wants to go forward with marrying but says if I'd like to travel with him that's fine. Him traveling is non negotiable and so if I wanted to get a job it would have to be a remote job. It was a sad conversation and I spent a few hours alone after that.
I felt I had nothing to lose so I just asked him if he would support me getting an associate's, but that most associate's for technical careers were in person. He then dropped the bombshell that if I wasn't traveling with him he wasn't going to go those periods without sex.
I was astounded by his callousness because he's back to take it or leave it. We fought again with me saying we're all feeling the effects of age, I've supported him through health issues, and if he thinks he can just find somebody who has that loyalty I've shown him, he's wrong.
At this point I'm looking for ways out. I can't say I haven't been tempted to say I'll travel with him and try to get a remote job but also realize how resentful I am that he continues to need to have the power in the relationship. I don't think I'll ever know my value truly, but something telling me there has to be better out there, at least in a partner.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.**
| 4,052 | 2023-12-26T09:23:35 | AITA for rolling my eyes at my boyfriend's proposal because it took 25 years of me begging? | ONGOING | InstitutionalizedSaw | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18r4cuh/aita_for_rolling_my_eyes_at_my_boyfriends/ | false | true | [
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18r5wpk | I am not OP; that would be u/throwradinnertime2. I received permission from OOP to share to BORU, and her most recent update was made on December 19th. I also want to thank u/Mlady_gemstone for making me aware of her most recent update
**Trigger Warning**: >!online slander!<
**Mood Spoiler**: >!hopeful for a decent outcome!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/18ajktd/myf22_friendsf22_hosting_a_banquet_to_honor/): **December 4th, 2023**
Ellen and I have been friends for a few years, and we're both in the same friend group too. Ellen will be graduating with her bachelor's this December, and she's an assistant manager in a fast food joint. She also has a side gig that she's talked about growing post-college, and that is her Instagram/Tiktok where she discusses many events with her opinions. However, she told me (and a few of our friends) that she didn't want a graduation party because she didn't like to celebrate herself (and chose not to have a high school graduation), but that she wanted to do something else with the money her parents wanted to throw a party with (her parents originally wanted to rent a restaurant room for her party)
Instead of doing something for herself, she said she felt "led" to do something for others with the space her parents wanted to rent, and that was a gathering to honor veteran families from her church with a free dinner banquet. She also hoped to invite everyone that her parents wanted to invite to her graduation party. Her parents (both are leaders) liked the idea and brought it to their church, and someone there offered to host the gathering in one of the church's conference rooms to save money (along with offering to pay for some of the food catering too). Ellen said the theme of the party was to honor veterans outside of Veterans Day, and the church announced it during a recent Sunday service along with signups following the service. The church also sent a video she made explaining her motivation for the event in an email newsletter. The video explained that she had veteran relatives that she wanted to honor for some time, and she also posted it to her socials. The video also stated that clips from the event would be posted to her socials afterward. Ellen also explained how she wanted the money her parents planned to spend on her graduation to go to something good instead of nothing because she didn't want a graduation party. She also stated that Facebook's birthday fundraisers gave her the idea to do something for others
Ellen asked our friend group to help decorate and be servers, and many of us volunteered (myself included) because we would've gone to her party if she had one. Ellen also said she received compliments at church for the idea she had post-announcement. Ellen also wanted to do a ceremony where she'd acknowledge each veteran and give them a goodie bag (she asked us to help with goodie bag ideas). However, when her parents informed her that some people (who signed up through the church) told the church that they didn't want to be on social media, it led to a change in Ellen's demeanor that led to me making this post. To clarify, some people (less than 5) didn't feel comfortable being online. So when Ellen planned to call each veteran onto the stage to give them a gift, some people wanted to be edited out of walking on stage
Ellen vented to our group about how the church asked for certain people to be edited out of the ceremony recording before posting to social media, and Ellen planned to record with her equipment. The church even offered to have the church's video editors edit her video to make it easier along with offering to record it on church cameras too, but she was upset because she "didn't want to split video credit" nor heed those requests. She said that the people who requested were being "entitled" when they were receiving free food. But when her parents told her that she was being unreasonable, she said she "should've never created the event" and "didn't want to be told how to make her videos". She also said she'd rather cancel because the veterans "should be thanking her instead of complaining". But when her parents said that video consent was important when posting online, she told them to cancel the banquet, but was told that it wasn't completely in their hands after getting the church involved and using their venue/help with catering costs (along with people already signed up)
When one of our friends asked if the point of the event was to honor veterans as she originally said, she said the event "would've been about her" if she had a graduation. But when I said that honoring the request seemed proper to do, she questioned if I was on her side. She also said she shouldn't do something nice for others "if she wasn't getting anything out of it". She then said we were done volunteering because she was going to have it canceled. But when we suggested calming down before canceling emotionally, she didn't like that either. However, what made me most disappointed was when she made a video stating that her parents "didn't allow" her to have a graduation party, thus why she created the veteran's party as an alternative although she was "suppressing" how she felt. She also said she planned to sue for "emotional distress" if they didn't cancel the banquet at the church, and she deleted her previous videos discussing the party
When some of us reached out to her afterward, she admitted to one of our friends that she lied in the video (about not being allowed to have a graduation party) to try and stop the banquet, and hearing that changed my opinion of her. The party is scheduled for January, and many of us have already begun helping with preparations (not to mention those who already signed up to attend). I'm sorry my post was long, but this is my question. What would be the best way to handle this situation? We previously met at Ellen's home to discuss decorations/goodie bag ideas, but that was before Ellen's change, and some of us (myself included) are still supposed to be servers. I'm debating reaching out to her parents to see if she's alright/the status of the party because some of our friends think she's struggling with some sort of emotional breakdown, but a few others think she only cared about making the video her way/getting views. If Ellen is truly suffering, I want to help her. I'm going to call her parents to see if she's alright, but we've never seen her act like this before. I also don't believe in ghosting the commitment, so that's another reason I'm going to call them. But if anyone has any other advice, I'd really appreciate it as I'm open to anything, and thanks to anyone who read all of that too
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/18dan7x/update_myf22_friendsf22_hosting_a_banquet_to/): **December 7th, 2023**
When I made my last post, I said I was going to call Ellen's parents after Ellen didn't return two calls I made after questioning if I was on her side during her rant about regretting creating the banquet. A few of the others in our friend group also called because we didn't believe in ghosting a commitment, and we had already begun creating giveaways/decoration ideas previously with Ellen
When I called, I decided to call her mom (we'll call her Joy. I told her that I called to ask about the banquet's status along with how Ellen was doing/told us not to volunteer anymore, and she said she appreciated me calling. She also said she was aware of Ellen's video slandering them and asked her to remove it, but hasn't as of yet. She said they were going through a lot as a family, but that she appreciated me inquiring after I told her I didn't believe in ghosting commitments. She confirmed that the banquet was still on and that she'd still love for us to volunteer because cancelling would be wrong to everyone involved and especially the veteran families attending. She also confirmed the argument Ellen said she had with them (about cancelling). She also said she and her husband were debating how to handle the video/her recent behavior
They told Ellen she was overreacting to a simple request to edit two veterans out of the video when there were dozens of people signed up. When I told her that many of us were supposed by Ellen's sudden shift, she told me something I never knew. When Ellen decided not to have a high school graduation when they offered to throw her one, she began complaining after hearing how some friends received a lot of money at their graduations. So when they asked if she still wanted a graduation party albeit much later into the summer than they would've initially, she blamed them for not "throwing one for her" instead of asking because she hated "planning parties for herself". So when she declined, they offered to take her to dinner with a few friends if she wanted something smaller, but she said no and that it was too late. So when it came to her college graduation, they were certain she'd want one this time, but was surprised when she didn't
Joy said she made a mistake by "enabling" Ellen when Ellen blamed her indecisiveness on them (they did give her a graduation gift though). However, she said she wasn't giving into her tantrum this time by cancelling the party after getting others involved. Yes, this banquet was entirely Ellen's idea, and yes it never would've been created without her. However, Joy said that that wasn't a reason to "disrespect" everyone she got involved. When Ellen told her parents how she wanted to honor relatives who were veterans that she was close with, she also told them she felt "led by God" to do it, and they thought it was a wonderful idea if she wasn't comfortable with a party for herself. However, in light of her tantrum about refusing to share video editing credit the church never asked for (and gave Ellen the choice to edit the veterans out herself) because she felt offended by the veteran's request, Joy said it was her fault for not teaching her earlier to not be entitled and to accept advice/constructive criticism, and she said she should've put her foot down a long time ago
They fully paid for her tuition to go to college, and they're (rightfully) insulted about her threat to sue them. I told her that Ellen admitted to a friend that she lied in the video to stop the banquet, and Joy said it'd be good for Ellen to learn now that she won't always get her way before getting married and being a "drama queen" when planning her wedding someday, and she said she spoke to a few others in our friend group about still volunteering too. So as of now, I'm still volunteering, and I consider my friendship with Ellen over. I'll definitely update after the banquet, and I appreciate the comments reinforcing my beliefs to follow through on the commitment. But there's one more thing I wanted to add. I'm not personally religious, but I've volunteered in the past. I enjoy doing it and simply saw this as a volunteer event in a church, and I've done previous food drives connected to church's when I was younger. I hope the event goes well and that Ellen comes to her senses, but even if it requires this situation to learn she can't always get her way, maybe that'll help her long term. I've called her a few more times since my first post as a last ditch effort, but she never answered still
[New Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/18mak0l/second_update_myf22_friendsf22_hosting_a_banquet/): **December 19th, 2023**
I didn't expect to make an update so soon, but something else happened since my previous update that's worth mentioning. In my last post, I promised to update after the banquet in January. But Ellen (fake name) posted another video over the weekend that doubled down on her previous one (where she threatened to sue her parents if they didn't cancel the banquet). In her new video, she threatened to sue the church if they didn't cancel the banquet (and tagged the church's social too), a different tone from her previous video where she threatened to sue her parents. She didn't take back her threat to sue her parents, but she added something else that changed the story from her previous video
She reiterated how her parents didn't allow her to have a graduation party as she said in her previous video (and admitted to our friend was a lie to try and have the banquet stopped), but added that the reason was because her parents received an opportunity to host a veteran's banquet at the church, and that made them decide to fund the banquet instead of her party that they "promised" her before getting approval. In Ellen's previous video, she stated that the veteran's banquet was her idea. But in her latest one, it was more so her parent's than hers, and she "went along with it" because she wanted to do something when she couldn't have (but in truth didn't want) a graduation party
Our friend group is pretty much done with her (I'm officially done with her, but a few others are hoping she comes to her senses), and one even posted a comment pointing out how her story changed from her previous video, only for Ellen to delete the comment soon after. I forgot to mention this last time after speaking to Ellen's mother (Joy), but Joy said that Ellen admitted to throwing out the goodie bags some of my friends helped create at her home, so we began working on an alternative. After reading some of the comments (including many more that came from a repost to BORU), many people (including veterans) said that Ellen's idea to have vets come on stage for a goodie bag was cringy (and only for her social media purposes), and I brought that suggestion to my friends
So now that Ellen's removed from the event, we're going to replace the goodie bag with a different giveaway one of my friends (John) thought of (John's dad is a fast-food manager and offered to investigate getting custom coupons made for the event, and we'll investigate assembling a giveaway bag full of useful coupons from other local sponsors). Ellen's goodie bag would've contained a personal note Ellen wrote along with candies/other things, and we think this is much more useful. In addition, no one will come on stage to receive them as they will be placed on their tables. We're also considering not recording the event because the focus should be honoring the veterans. Joy also stated (in our last call that I forgot to mention) that she doubts Ellen's veteran relatives will attend in light of everything with Ellen, but we have a commitment to the veterans who signed up through the church, and we hope to keep it come January. At worse, we'll try to send her veteran relatives something in the mail, but we haven't figured out what to send them yet (since the sponsorships we're trying to get would be local and some of the are out of town). If anyone has any ideas, we'll be more than open to them. I haven't heard anything from Joy or the church in regards to the church's response to Ellen's video, but I will make an edit if I hear anything soon
**(Notable Comments)**
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
**(PopeFenderson\_II)**
"I'm a veteran, and I'm pretty appalled. We really get used so much as pawns for photo ops and stuff like this. Anyone remember the wounded warrior project scandal?"
>**(Proof-Emergency-5441 replied)**: "Unfortunately most veteran's charities are this way. Use a couple for photo ops, charge hundreds, give them a few pennies"
**(rusty0123)**
"If you decide on a raffle, go for one big item. (Former charity fundraiser here.)You will have to ask about 50 companies before you get a yes, but you'll get one. Use the church name in your ask (with their permission). Ask for something specific, like tickets to a sports game or a weekend getaway. Try to tie it to their business--like large firms that woo clients might already have season tickets--or ask a hotel chain for the getaway. Offer something in return, like promotion as a sponsor (thanks in a written piece or program, acknowledgement at a church service, banner in the party hall).The raffle will be a lot of fun. Make it a big deal. Draw out the suspense. Give some teasers throughout the night. Get someone from the sponsoring company or from the church to do the actual drawing.(One thing we did that worked very well, but is not suitable for this? We got a jeweler to donate a diamond necklace. Throughout the night, we did "elimination" drawings--if your ticket was drawn, you were out. Then the ones that were "eliminated" could "buy" one of the still eligible tickets from the owner if both agreed on the size of the donation the "buyer" would give to the charity.)When you start asking, don't get discouraged. You will get lots of no. It only takes one yes. And work your contacts or your parents' contacts to find the right person to ask"
>**(OOP replied)**: "I can't thank you enough for everything you laid out, and I'll use it as a guide when I suggest it to try and pull this off with the rest of the coordinators. I really appreciate the time you took to outline everything"
**(OOP Comment)**: "I feel like threatening to sue her parents is one thing (who have shown they were forgiving by paying for her full college ride despite her high school graduation tantrum she blamed them for), but threatening to sue a church/organization is different and could likely evoke a response. They haven't responded yet from what I'm aware of, but I'm curious to see how/if they do"
**(LegalNebula4797)**: "The absolutely poetic irony of ELLEN claiming VETERANS are ENTITLED and should THANK HER!! 💀☠️ I can’t move past that part. Ellen needs sense knocked into her. What a pathetic loser she is to try to foist herself up on social media off the backs of veterans. This story made me absolutely furious
**(Mindless-Top766)**: "Ah good old performative charity. There's nothing that annoys me more then people doing performative charity for clicks and likes on social media. People like Ellen are freaking insufferable
**(SnooWords4839)**: "Something you can do is, ask local stores to donate an item or if a restaurant a gift certificate. Get some raffle tickets (set of 2), give everyone a ticket and pull for the donated gifts. This has worked great for us in the past. Ellen needs a mental health check up"
(**sunbear2525**): "Starbucks often gives to veterans. I would reach out to local coffee shops first but if nothing else the local Starbucks will probably donate something" | 2,090 | 2023-12-26T11:09:53 | (New Update) My(f22) friend's(f22) hosting a banquet to honor veterans with free meals, but now wants to cancel after some attendees asked to not be posted on her social media. She also told our friend group to no longer volunteer | NEW UPDATE | ThrowRA3837374 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18r5wpk/new_update_myf22_friendsf22_hosting_a_banquet_to/ | false | true | [
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ewtopo | [deleted] | 1 | 2020-01-31T19:40:08 | UPDATE: AITA for letting my brother call me "dad" and refusing to tell him the ugly truth? | null | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewtopo/update_aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad/ | false | false | [
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ewts8z | Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ehmsme/aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/etguwh/update_aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad/
___
Hey guys! So many people wanted me to update on my previous post and wanted me to seek professional advice first before I take matters into my own hands. Apologies if it is long. I'll try to make it as detailed as possible while making this short.
I went to my local therapist and told him about my situation and asked what to do. To keep it short, he said he's heard similar recounts from before and said it is best if I tell him as soon as possible for multiple reasons and to make sure that my bio-children are present (multiple reasons). I asked a few of my closest friends and the majority said more or less the same thing.
My wife and I decided to sit the kids down and burst the big bubble. I asked my brother Josh to come closer and I made sure I held him close and make him feel comfortable. He asked "What's going on?" but I started by telling us how much we cared and loved for him, then told him everything about my parents (I put them in a bright light in hopes of a reunion) and who I am to him, then quickly hugged him and my other two kids together and told him that I love all my children the same and NOTHING is going to change my love for him. He was shocked and asked if I was joking, but I was starting to cry a little at this point, so he knew I was serious. My bio-children were very surprised too. He was in tears and asked me why I didn't tell him sooner. I didn't know what to say and said "I was just trying to protect you, I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me", but unfortunately and understandably, he left.
He didn't talk to me as much, again, understandably so. I continuously offered him to go out to the park and play a bit of football (he loves that) and all his favourite things, but he just outright declined and even got a little angry sometimes for me even talking to him. I thought I messed up big-time, until one day while my wife and two children were out doing shopping and we were alone, he came up to me and said "I know you're not my real father, but I want to let you know you're the best dad in the whole world. Sorry for before." I hugged him and things got pretty emotional. It would be a big lie to say my house is normal now (far from that), but things are slowly - ever so slowly - starting to brighten up. There's no longer anything to hide anymore and it feels like we are born again.
Josh is a tough kid, and he handled this far better than I believed he would. I'll be looking into therapy for him to help him recover just incase it doesn't go well in the long run. I'll strive and continue to be a great dad to my kids, and a great dad to my brother/son. Thank you Reddit for pushing me towards this happy ending. Thank you for all the advice and judgements I got (excluding the rude ones about my uncles and aunts -- eeek!) I love you all. Good night. | 7 | 2020-01-31T19:46:30 | Younger brother thinks older brother is his dad, after parents abandon him as a baby | AITA | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewts8z/younger_brother_thinks_older_brother_is_his_dad/ | false | false | [
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ewtvnr | [Original: AITA if I "cancel" Christmas because I can't afford it this year?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1oy5c/aita_if_i_cancel_christmas_because_i_cant_afford/)
Title says it all , sole provider for family, all credit cards maxed, negative bank balance, upcoming missed payments until my next check, basically destitute for the foreseeable future. My wife and I usually decorate on Black Friday, but this year I don't want to. The thought of putting up our fake tree knowing I'll have nothing to put under it fills me with such a mix of shame, anger, and pain. I would prefer to just let December pass and cut out as many things as I can until I can get my finances under control. Plus, my daughter is 2. She won't know, care, or even remember one missed Christmas. So, AITA? I'm already a failure as a husband and father, so what say you here?
1st Update
THIS HAS SPUN OUT OF CONTROL! I never thought my sad man pity party would get this kind of response. I was expecting to be called an asshole, validate my self loathing, and claw my way out of debt by working harder. I did not expect the absolute torrent of love and support that I in no way deserve or can accept.
INFO (And I am so sorry for not making this crystal clear in the original post): Our mortgage and utilities are paid. There is food in our fridge and my next paycheck(s) is secure, even though it, too, will all go to bills with none left over for gifts. I pretended not to notice that we weren't keeping up our pre-child lifestyle without credit cards and I got in over my head and now have to dig myself out of a relatively deep hole meaning I won't have money for gifts and meals out and holiday gatherings and whatnot for a good bit of time to come. But, I have a great job and an outstanding family support system who all live close by and know what debt feels like and will understand if we can't chip in this year with anything but our presence, but it just felt shameful to have the advantages I have and still manage to fuck it up as bad as I did without asking for help.
___
[FINAL Update:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e8w7e6/update_aita_if_i_cancel_christmas_because_i_cant/)
So, it's been 2 weeks and somehow the messages are still coming in. Thankfully the offers of charity have stopped (here's hoping they were redirected to their communities) but a good deal of them asking whether or not I stopped being a grinch and started being a good husband and father again. So, to get those people placated first, here you go: I DECORATED. Pics without our faces only, sorry.
https://imgur.com/H4b2Cak
https://imgur.com/QySEGOS
https://imgur.com/w074cpg
I also spoke with a financial advisor, who is helping me set up a budget for 2020, and a counselor who helped me realize that I was worth more than the goods I could offer someone. She recommended 2 separate therapists to me, and neither are taking new patients before the new year, so for now, my wife and I are working on our budget and cleaning out various corners of the house for things to sell. So far, we've gotten rid of some unused basement furniture, a mini fridge that has been empty for 2 years, a bunch of wine racks and paraphernalia (we don't drink at home since the baby was born 2 years ago, so no need to keep it around) as well as some other things and made about $750, more than enough to pay all the overdue bills, put some money in savings, and groceries in the cupboard. It's going to be a long road to pay off this cc debt, but we're finally addressing the issue head on and moving in the right direction.
Since my last paycheck (that covered mortgage and utilities, no worries there, for those who asked if I was behind, thank you) I have also been offered (and taken) 3 DJ gigs for Holiday parties. 2 for personal friends/acquaintances businesses, 1 for a charity. I refused payment for the children's charity gig, instead offering to give the money right back to the kids instead, which was gratefully accepted by the organizer. The extra cash from the 2 paying gigs paid down some more debt, and was enough leftover to allow me to have bought some nice new books and a Moana doll for my little girl to open on Xmas morning, (to say nothing of the bags of presents from both sets of grandparents full of clothes and toys, so she'll be fine from a presents standpoint).
Inspired by everyone's offers of charity, I volunteered again at Paul's Place in Baltimore, where this time I donned the hairnet and apron and served hot meals. Cell phones are prohibited inside, plus taking photos of yourself doing charity work defeats the purpose of said work. I also organized a food drive at my office to provide meal kits for Christmas for needy families, and we were able to donate 574 lbs of food to the MD Food Bank!
Thank you to all who reached out and made me realize that I really was an asshole. I let my personal shortcomings almost ruin a holiday for my wife and child. It won't be as fancy as our last Christmases, but I have a feeling that this year will be very special to me, no matter how little is under my tree. I realized that I have all the gifts I need, and I cannot thank the beautiful people who offered up so much charity to a grumpy stranger. I didn't need to accept your gifts to accept your love, and the offers alone changed my life.
Happy Holiday's y'all. | 9 | 2020-01-31T19:53:11 | Stressed Father who wanted to cancel Christmas, finds joy instead | AITA | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewtvnr/stressed_father_who_wanted_to_cancel_christmas/ | false | false | [
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ewuj3d | **Original Post:** https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/achoyx/aita_for_very_rarelyalmost_never_wanting_to_go_to/
I've been with my wonderful girlfriend for a few years now, and we usually get along great, aside from this current issue. You can skip to the TL;DR if the exposition is too long.
She's a self-proclaimed "foodie", which I honestly think is just selling herself short - she's a food genius. She can taste and smell a dish and then turn around and recreate it, or even make it better than the original.
If you taste something and wonder, 'what's that super subtle flavor?' she'll tell you, 'it's anchovy paste/sumac/lavender/some other obscure spice that you would never think of.' When someone is cooking something and they go, 'it's missing something,' she can tell you exactly what it needs.
(It doesn't stop there, she knew I had touched a diesel truck at work one morning as soon as I walked into the house that night because she could somehow smell it on me. It's either really cool or really creepy, depending on the day.)
That's not it, either. She heard about a lost family recipe and the next week, BAM, I'm eating my grandmother's homemade sausage again for the first time in fifteen years.
It's gotten to the point where I don't see any point in going out to eat, pretty much ever, except maybe her birthday. Even the most exotic ingredients aren't out of her reach, either, and, even though it's not about cost, I've saved up more being with her than I ever had in any other relationship. The only places we really go for date night is ramen - she can't figure out how to make the noodles, but she still tries so it's just a matter of time - and sushi.
Our anniversary was recently, and I had noticed that our local fish counter was selling sushi grade fish, along with the rolling mats and nori, so I suggested that we have homemade sushi for our anniversary dinner before going out and she upset and said, "I'm not learning how to make sushi because then I'll never get a real date ever again." We ended up going out instead.
It kinda took me by surprise that she got so mad, though. She's lightly mentioned wanting to go out occasionally to places like Olive Garden "because she likes the red sauce" or other places because she likes the food, and now that I'm thinking about it, she's gotten kinda gloomy because I've asked her to cook on date nights instead of going out more often.
She also brought up that food she cooks tastes better to me because she's tasting and smelling it while it cooks so her senses are dulled by the time it's served, but she has the most acute sense of smell/taste I've ever seen so I kinda think it's just an excuse.
I just don't think it's worth it to go out and pay restaurant food prices when we can stay home for home food prices and have food that's just as excellent.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for not wanting to pay a restaurant to cook my meals because I practically have a private chef of my very own?
**Edit:** it's not about the financial aspect of staying home vs going out, I just thought that it was worth mentioning because it's been more of a saving than expected.
Also, yes, I wash the dishes
**Final Edit:**
I really took everything you guys gave said to heart, and I can honestly say that I've been an ass, and it's really hurt my relationship with my girlfriend. It's honestly a surprise that she's still my girlfriend after everything.
So her mom picked up the girls and I took her out to a really nice tapas restaurant. She was very excited and seemed to enjoy herself, and I apologized for being stupid. After, we took a walk and everything seemed perfect, so I asked her to marry me.
She said no. She did it kindly, but she still said no. She said that it wasn't a no forever, but she didn't want to commit to a one sided relationship and also said she doesn't think that it's fair that our relationship happens on 'my schedule' or 'my terms'.
I'm pretty heartbroken. I thought everything was pretty okay between us, but she thinks we should go to pre-marital (pre-engagement?) counseling and the division of labor needs to change over a serious sit down conversation.
So, Reddit, you were all right. I'm the asshole who almost lost the love of my life, and most of you were right - it wasn't over restaurants.
___
**Update:** https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b7vz7m/update_aita_for_very_rarelyalmost_never_wanting/
A few months ago, I posted this post asking if I was an asshole for not wanting to take my girlfriend out to restaurants. It blew up. It ended up on Twitter. People shared it to Facebook.
The general consensus was, yes, that I am the asshole, and it just went downhill from there.
Well.
After I posted - and proposed and was rejected - things got pretty awkward between us for the first time in five years. She started to get snappy at me easily, she stopped being as affectionate to me, she started making pretty much nothing but casserole. Everything changed - to clarify, she usually liked to make more involved food than casserole.
Then one day, like three weeks ago, she threw down the spoon she was using to serve the thousandth casserole this month, and snipped at me, "Do you seriously fucking think that I actually like eating at Olive Garden?"
Guys, she saw the post. She was furious.
She doesn't like Olive Garden - she'll eat there because the kids love it and it's cheap. I was right about the red sauce being non-acidic, but, well, in her words, "she never developed a taste for pasta, she's Latino, do I ever see her make pasta? No. A meal isn't complete without rice. You don't know me at all."
She yelled about Olive Garden for a solid twenty minutes. It wasn't just about Olive Garden, but it was a lot about Olive Garden.
Long story short, we've been separated for a few weeks now, and it's not looking good. She "loves and respects me but feels it's best for her to respectfully disengage" from me for her own personal betterment.
So, yeah.
**TL;DR:** I ruined my family by not appreciating my girlfriend. I didn't take her out on dates and I didn't pay enough attention. I would do anything to fix everything. | 23 | 2020-01-31T20:37:14 | Man refuses to take girlfriend out to dinner because he rather her cook for him | AITA | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewuj3d/man_refuses_to_take_girlfriend_out_to_dinner/ | false | false | [
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ewulam | [Original] (https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dp37p9/aita_for_asking_a_neighbor_if_she_wanted_to_share/)
I'm a 31 year old single guy who lives alone in an apartment complex. I've lived there for 6 years. My neighbor across the hall, a woman around my age or a little younger (I actually don't know her first name but I'll call her Katie) lives across the hall from me diagonally and has for about 2 years. We exchange hellos but aren't friendly, which is how it is with most of my neighbors.
So I don't know how to cook, and due to losing one of my part time gigs, I don't have as much money for takeout anymore. I'm getting really sick of eating cheap fast food or box mac and cheese. I'm gaining weight and I never feel great.
This is where Katie comes in. I can always smell her cooking in the hall and it always smells amazing (I know it isn't the other person at our end of our hall cause it's a single old man). I've even complimented it a few times. So I got the idea that I'd offer to give her some money each week to cook a little extra and bring it over to me (or I can pick it up from her!) at night. She's cooking anyway and then I'd have varied presumably delicious food.
I asked her the next time I saw her and she looked surprised and said she couldn't because she was too busy (which didn't make sense cause she cooks almost every day but okay). The next time I saw her a few days later, I asked her if she was sure and upped the amount I was offering, and she said she was sure and that it was rude to ask me, and that she isn't a housekeeper for hire and I should get a housekeeper if that's what I want. She also called me 'a stranger' even though we have talked in the halls before.
Overall she made me feel like a big jerk and really embarrassed for even asking her, and a little mad because she was acting like I was being creepy (I wasn't, trust me, she isn't my type). I think asking her to split cooking wasn't completely outlandish, since she cooks every day anyway and it wouldn't be hard to make a little more.
So, AITA?
EDIT: Okay. It is abundantly clear that I was the asshole and asking her was inappropriate and, as much as I hate to admit it, creepy. My instinct is to apologize to her but since my instinct was to ask her in the first place, I'll do the opposite and stay out of her hair. Thanks.
---
Update on AITA post: Which post do you most wish we’d gotten an update on?
I knew when I saw [this thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1bdi8/meta_which_post_do_you_most_wish_wed_gotten_an/) with my real account that I would be mentioned. That thread was a real wake-up call for me about what a weirdo I was being. I ended up apologizing to my neighbor (whose name I now know!) and telling her I didn't realize how inappropriate my question was. She accepted the apology and we still nod and smile in the hallway when we see each other.
I will say that I talked to my old man neighbor yesterday and he told me that she left him a tray of fudge over the weekend for the holidays, and I received no such fudge, so I know there is lingering weirdness from my ask... and I totally understand it and do not feel that I deserve fudge.
So, thanks again for everyone for pointing out how weird and entitled I was acting. It did help, even the mean comments, because seeing the strong reactions people had to what I did made me realize there was no wiggle room for me to NOT be an asshole. | 15 | 2020-01-31T20:41:16 | He pesters neighbor to cook for him for $5 | AITA | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewulam/he_pesters_neighbor_to_cook_for_him_for_5/ | false | false | [
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ewvdhx | **10 years ago** [I did Heroin yesterday. I am not a drug user and have never done anything besides pot back when I was a teen, AMA](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ke63/i_did_heroin_yesterday_i_am_not_a_drug_user_and/)
excerpt: I've heard so much about it and how crazy addictive it is and seen it in the movies and TV (I'm thinking The Wire here, one of my favorite shows) and it really started to intrigue me. I've always wondered what it would be like to do Heroin. Out of no where I say I'll take the H and we do the deal there. I give him the cash under the table and he slides me a small order of fries with a little stamped wax baggie in it then he tells me to let him leave first.
I put it in my pocket then nervously race home my heart racing cannot believing what I just did. I held onto that bag in my pocket palms sweating the whole ride home. When I get home I open the bag and dump some golden flakes and powder on my glass coffee table. At this point I don't even know what to do, I know you can snort heroin but it looked all flaky so I try to remember how they did it in the movies but they always seem to inject it in film so I start googling "how to snort Heroin' like an idiot and do a little research on the stuff and how much to take.
I used a card to get it into a fine powder and move a small 'bump' to the side which I inhaled through a dollar bill. I didn't feel anything yet so I snorted a small line which was essentially half the bag (there was very little inside).
I was blown away by the power of this drug and just how orgasmic it felt. I never understood why people did drugs before and got so hooked on them but now I see why. I have the urge to do it again but I will resist and not do it, at least not for a long time. I understand the addiction potential and how someone could easily tear apart their lives with this stuff.
Heroin is pure powdered pleasure, I actually feel proud of myself for having the balls to do something this crazy and I feel like it was a valuable life experience and my window into another world and part of society. I will never forget the day I did heroin. Now, ask me anything.
Edit: Please no more comments telling me I'm going to be a homeless addict dying of an overdose now, don't lecture me with all of your misconceptions and lack of any real knowledge or experience about the drug. I understand if you know someone who has been hurt by it, we all do. Any drug can ruin lives, please ask me questions instead of trying to lecture me and do some research first before spewing lies.
Update 2: I don't regret this at all and I see a lot of talk about how cocaine isn't as bad as heroin and people telling anyone considering trying a hard drug to do coke instead. So I plan to try cocaine the next chance I get and compare the two in terms of effects and experience. Doing Heroin was memorable and life changing and I know I can handle anything once.
---
**2 weeks later** [I tried heroin 'once for fun' and made an AMA, I have been using since and shot up for the first time today, AMA](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ohdc/2_weeks_ago_i_tried_heroin_once_for_fun_and_made/)
excerpt: Fuck my life. I wish I was trolling and this was all some elaborate lie. I was doing everything right, have been clean, and somehow a rumor got out that Ive been using and my girlfriend found out and she basically broke up with me last night but is now putting that decision on hold. I have some serious unrelated business/work I need to attend to in two hours and I don't know if I'll be in any state to be able to and be ready. I can't stop crying. Fuck heroin. Fuck my life. I guess I don't need to say that since heroin pretty much fucked my life for me in under two weeks, I just want to die.
---
**7 years later** [Update for anyone who stumbles upon this account in the future](https://www.reddit.com/r/OpiatesRecovery/comments/5mub0f/spontaneoush_7_years_later_update_for_anyone_who/)
I don't know if anyone here remembers me but you can look through my submissions history and get an idea. It's not pretty and will take you through a journey of my first time trying heroin to my life quickly falling apart. So take that as a warning it's graphic, I was totally out of my mind, and you may not want to read it depending on where you're at...
This is the first time I have logged into this account in a couple years and I had a bunch of PMs, and people occasionally mention this account in various places on reddit so I'll post a quick update here for anyone who stumbles upon this in the future.
I'm now almost six years clean from all drugs and alcohol and life is good.
It's too difficult for me to go back and even read most of what I originally wrote 7 years ago. Maybe one day I will be able to.
I don't even remember what I said in the first post but I know I can look back objectively and say that things probably weren't as good and 'normal' before I tried heroin that time as I made it seem in that first post. There were certainly warning signs before that with alcohol, weed, and other things that I had issues with substances although I probably couldn't admit it to myself at the time. I would have never tried it if things were truly going well for me. What followed in the later posts with where it took me was very real.
Thanks for everyone who has reached out over the years.
I hope everyone here is able to find recovery and get the help they need. | 16 | 2020-01-31T21:33:46 | 10 years ago Redditors told him not to try Heroin, 7 years later he posts an update | IAmA | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ewvdhx/10_years_ago_redditors_told_him_not_to_try_heroin/ | false | false | [
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exb478 | [Original:](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/641joo/sat_down_on_my_friends_macbook_and_broke_it/)
I had some of my friends over at my house and one of my friends invited one of her other friends to come over. She had her MacBook on my couch when I sat on it and broke it. Since it was completely my fault I offered to pay her the money for it and she agreed. She got it 3 years ago and it cost 2200 dollars at the time. I told her I'd wire you the money in a week to her bank account.
She's now emailed me saying that as per our conversation she's expecting the 2700 that I have agreed for!!!! I didn't know why she added the extra money so I got her number from my friend and called her to find her telling me she's now expecting me to pay for her new upgraded MacBook since she was "upgrading anyway". She said if I don't agree to do that she'll be suing me in small claims court. Can a judge agree to that?
Should I wire her the $2,200 or should I just tell her go sue me?
---
[Update:](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6dh9vh/super_awesome_update_sat_down_on_my_friends/)
I went through every single comment from the 200+ ones and I sincerely thank each and every one of you.
I did some research specifically for repairing the screen for the macbook and for her particular model it’s around 310 for the screen + the labor cost so I wrote her back saying that since she didn't accept my initial offer of $2200, I’m withdrawing that offer, and offering to pay for the repair cost. She sent me an email calling me a bitch and that she’s going to take me to court.
I got served a few days later and went to court. I told the judge I gave her three options to choose from. 1) either to write her a check for a brand new one which was 2200 dollars. 2) Get her a refurbished one from apple or a third party or even used which would be around 1400 dollars or 3) fix her current MacBook since the screen is the only thing affected here and it would cost around 300 dollars plus money for labor. (I printed out the email I sent her and the mail she sent back refusing demanding the 2700 and calling me a bitch and saying we’ll go to court + screenshots for the price quotes from different websites for a new/refurbished and the screen fix for her particular model) and gave it to the judge. I also told him that when I offered at the very beginning to get her a new one from the apple store she said no I want the money in cash. When I told her I’d give her 2200 for a new one she said okay but later came asking for 2700 because she wants to upgrade. I tried to show him how it's clearly visible that she's trying to take advantage of me.
She gave the judge an attitude almost the whole time which really pissed the judge off and helped my case I guess. After listening to both of us he ruled that I pay 50% of the repair cost since she negligently left her laptop on the couch. So I'll only be paying not more than 200-250 dollars for the whole thing.
If it weren’t for you guys I would’ve paid $2,200 dollars instead of around $200 and I honestly loved her look at the end as we walked out. | 28 | 2020-02-01T19:20:49 | Sat down on my friend's MacBook and broke it, offered to pay her the money for it but now she wants more because "she was upgrading anyway" so it's this or she will sue me in small claims court. | LegalAdvice | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/exb478/sat_down_on_my_friends_macbook_and_broke_it/ | false | false | [
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exb5sa | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cx7vr0/my_22f_fiance_25m_want_his_father_to_check_my/)
My fiance proposed to me about 8 months ago. We decided on having a relatively small wedding which is in two days. Everything was going great. He seems absolutely perfect and we are very much in love.
I am a virgin and so is he, he wanted to save it for marriage and I wasn't fussed so I agreed to saving it. He has told me earlier that in his family the father checks the virginity of the bride the night before the wedding. I laughed this off as it seriously sounds like a massive joke. No turns out he was dead serious. He wants me, the night before to open my legs up in a small ceremony type thing so his dad can check me while him, his brothers and uncle can watch so that they know I am still 'pure'.
I told him fat chance I am going to do that and he was begging to me to go through with it and how important it is for him. He said he knew it was slightly embarrassing for me but his mom did and it will prove how much I love him and that I have nothing to hide anyway as I am still a virgin. I left and he was crying, it was very dramatic tbh.
I want to call off the whole wedding because of this and never talk to him again. But at the same time its only one thing and other then that we are genuinely perfect for each other and I dont want to spend my life with anyone else and it is very important to him and his family.
What the frick frack do I do. I am currently at my friends house and I might stay here for the night. tomorrow would be our last day as an unmarried couple and I am straight up panicking.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cxj6m4/update_my_22f_fiance_25m_want_his_father_to_check/)
I went and talked to him this morning I told him that his father is not going to look at me and he needs to respect that. He was adamant that it needs to happen and accused me about lying about my virginity. I was trying to be calm and rational but he was not having it and just became more and more angry. I told him if he really loved me he would stand by me on this and tell his father no to which he slapped me and said he didnt need to prove anything.
so I ended it and left him. I am currently back at my friends house being miserable and eating pizza which is pretty fun.
so yup. Thanks everyone :) | 20 | 2020-02-01T19:23:48 | [UPDATE]: My (22f) fiance (25m) want his father to check my hymen tomorrow night before I get married. | Relationship Advice | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/exb5sa/update_my_22f_fiance_25m_want_his_father_to_check/ | false | false | [
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eyeupc | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9l2z39/co_my_autistic_brother_was_banned_from_the_local/)
So my brother suffers from high functioning autism so he has a hard time socializing. One place he loves to go to is a local hobby shop. Me and my brother are regulars there and have spent thousands of dollars over the years. This last week however my brother was banned from the shop. A girl who also goes there claims my brother tried to kiss her and when she refused he groped her. I tried to talk with the owner and he knows my brother is autistic but he refuses to unban him. He said that he cant allow him in because he's a threat to his female customers. I think this is crap, I talked to my brother about this and he understands he did a wrong thing but he cant understand why he was banned so he's been very depressed this past week and wants to go back to the store.
Is there anything I can do? Is this discrimination because he banned my brother due to his autisim? My parents are planning on getting a lawyer and suing the owner, will this fix the issue?
---
[Update](https://np.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9le5rc/update_my_autistic_brother_was_banned_from_the/)
So I want to start out by saying that I was wrong and I want to apologize to anyone I may have hurt with my last question. It was wrong of me to defend my brothers actions and I wish I could have seen that at the time but thats the past.
I went to my parents and talked to them and they have begun to see that they were wrong too. Me and my dad went last night and apologized to the shop owner for our actions and how we treated him and the victim of my brother and that we agree with his ban. The owner was genuinely happy with us for this so i'm glad we did that. The girl who who my brother touched was also at the store and despite what many of you said I felt that I needed to apologize to her too because she deserved it after my actions and she thanked me for it. My parents are now looking into different options to deal with my brother including therapy and other programs.
I really want to end this by saying thank you for helping me learn I was wrong. Like I said I'm sorry if i hurt anyone with my post, I didn't mean to do that but it was wrong of me too. This has been a learning experience for me and I hope that I can become a better person because of it. | 13 | 2020-02-03T22:00:43 | My autistic brother was banned from the local hobby shop | LegalAdvice | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/eyeupc/my_autistic_brother_was_banned_from_the_local/ | false | false | [
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eyu6qq | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ayhlsu/on_i_caught_my_neighbors_son_stealing_my/)
Moved in to the apartment at the start of January, since then i have been convinced that someone is stealing my underwear/bra/etc. Every floor has a pair of washer/dryer units, and since moving in i have had almost a dozen different things just disappear from the wash or dryer. The room is so tiny that there is no where to sit, aside from sitting on top of one of the machines, so it makes it very hard to wait for it.
Two weeks ago i went and bought a bunch of new things, and when i went to go remove stuff from the washer i noticed that several things i had just bought went missing. Armed with this and the fact it was early Saturday morning, i went to our landlord and she was able to tell me during the 35 minutes of washing the only person who entered was my next door neighbors son.
Now at this point i was furious and confronted the parents. The parents called me a liar, and basically told me off. They absolutely refused to believe me, however since confronting them i have had nothing go missing since then.
Today i put laundry on and started cleaning my unit, when i went to go drop trash off, i checked the laundry and discovered our neighbors son going the dryer i was using. I again confronted the parents, and they immediately started screaming at me for harassing their son, and threatened to call the police on me for harassing their son, and threatened to sue me for "slandering" their son by implying he is a pervert.
My question is, does this count as theft and can i go to the police and file a complaint? I don't want my clothing back, at this point.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/azm7uy/update_caught_my_neighbors_son_stealing_my/)
A long story short i went to station made a report, gave them all the details i had along with showing them a copy of the security camera footage of both incidents that my landlord was kind enough to send to me. Thee police officer didn't seem to really care from my impression, but he made a report. No one to my knowledge ever came out or anything.
Anyways today the father, and son came to my door today and he basically apologized for accusing me of lying, and made his son apologize to me (awkward..), and gave me a bag consisting of my clothing. I told him i didn't particularly want to that stuff again, and was going to throw it out (just the idea of keeping it made me disgusted). So the father kindly gave me the cash value for a rough estimate of the items and then some, then told me if stuff goes missing to come to him first.
I am satisfied i guess, the entire situation seems extremely uncomfortable and akward. | 15 | 2020-02-04T18:08:09 | I caught my neighbors son stealing my underwear | LegalAdvice | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/eyu6qq/i_caught_my_neighbors_son_stealing_my_underwear/ | false | false | [
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eyuw84 | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6ebbq9/had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and_got/)
I met this girl in January of this year at the start of the second semester at our university when we worked in one of the rec centers together. She was a freshman and I was a Junior. She started college a semester late (she said because of family issues) and said she was nervous about it, so I decided to show her around a bit.
We got lunch a few times during the first month on campus and I gave her tours of the campus. We hit it off immediately and I knew I was in love instantly. Well, long story short, I asked her our and she said no. I was heartbroken, but she agreed to still be friends (unfortunately, I don't have evidence of this since the conversation was in person).
I tried several times throughout the semester to show her what she meant to me, but she ignored me and all the thought I put into the gifts I gave her. We had a falling out that involved me drunk calling her and her telling me to leave her alone when I tried to explain.
I have spent the last month in absolute depression. I think about her every day. She blocked me on social media, so I can't see her profile, but I haven't texted her since school ended. But it finally got to be too much for me. I decided I would try one more time to show her how much I love her.
I knew the town she moved to school from (its only like an hour away from me and I have family that live nearby- we have talked about it before), so I texted her and told her I was coming to meet her. I was going to meet her at X coffee shop and I wanted to talk about everything.
Once again, she couldn't even do me the respect of replying. I checked her Instagram that night and saw that she was out partying that very night. There were pictures of her with alcohol (she is UNDERAGE) and her wearing skanky clothes (she told me she hated partying). its like she has become a totally different person. So I did freak out a little. I told her about how much I cared and about how awful it was for her to just ignore me like that. That I was going to come to coffee shop on X day and if she should do me the respect of coming to see me.
She never replied, but I got a piece of mail today. It was a fucking cease and desist letter. She said she would "seek legal avenues" if I didn't stop "harassing" her. What the fuck reddit? I need to know what I can do legally to talk to her and make sure she doesn't understand. I don't want to live a life knowing she hates me. From my research, a Cease and Desist letter isn't legally binding like a restraining order or anything and I am not harassing her since I don't have an intent to intimidate or hurt her, so she can't charge me with anything. Is all that true? Do I need a lawyer to respond to her letter?
---
[update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/71cjfn/update_had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and/)
Oh boy. I've been wondering for a while whether to post here again or not. I wasn't going to, but I know my last post ended up on a few other subreddits and I actually stumbled across it on my main account on r/niceguys and I read all the comments there. It was rough for me to read this original post, but it was a reminder of what my own mindset, and the mindset of so many men like me, was. I decided I needed to post again for some closure.
First, I want to assure everyone that I didn't contact that girl ever again. Since I moved, I no longer see her or go anywhere by where she used to live, go to school, or work (I don't know if she still lives in the same area or goes to the same school. I have avoided getting any information about her at all). The way I acted and the way I hurt her and scared her so much still haunts me.
Part of me wants to track her down and apologize, but I know from my classes that 1. that can re-victimize her all over again; 2. it would be a selfish thing to do because it would be to clear my conscience, not make her feel better. If she wants to get closure by talking to me, I'm sure she can find me somehow; and 3. I don't want to make the mistake of using an apology to make her feel manipulated to talking to me again. I learned in my classes that men do that a lot. I don't want to hurt her anymore, so I will work past the guilt while never talking to her again.
I was distraught after my last post here. I admit I came here looking for validation, not help. I had a warped sense of entitlement that led me to believe that no one would possibly disagree with me, but obviously, hundreds of people told me that I was fucked up, a predator, a stalker, and that I needed help. All of these people were right. I don't know what happened, but something clicked in me after seeing those comments (despite how combative and abusive I was in response to the comments).
I checked myself into therapy in Michigan the week after I posted here. I knew something was wrong, but I was still in denial. I thought I needed help with heartbreak. I didn't recognize that I actually needed help with identifying and combatting my messed up belief systems that I used to justify stalking and victimizing that poor girl.
After a few sessions, I started seeing a psychiatrist too. I got on mood stabilizers and I started to realize that something was very very wrong with the way I was acting. Something that couldn't be cured by medication. After talking it over with my therapist, I decided it would be best for me to move out of state into my Aunt's house. Within a month of me posting here, I had moved into her house.
After moving, I started the process of transferring to a new school next semester, working full time, and continued to take my medication and was transferred to a new therapist. I had a fresh idea of the issues I wanted to work on in therapy, but after a few weeks of having two therapy sessions a week, my therapist pointed out to me during a session that I was still exhibiting the same kind of obsessive behaviors over women that earned me a cease and desist letter in Michigan (though I wasn't stalking anyone at this point, I was just obsessing in my mind. Which is still bad, but I wasn't actively victimizing anyone). I realize that in addition to therapy, I needed more help.
My therapist pointed me to a class run by a local agency that was designed for men that have committed violent crimes against women like domestic violence, assault, sexual assault, stalking ect. Most of the men in the class are court-ordered to go as a condition of their probation/parole, but you didn't have to be court ordered to go, so I signed up voluntarily. I attend a two-hour class session every week and have been attending for about a month now.
The goal of the class is to help us recognize and change abusive/violent behaviors. I know most of you are thinking: what kind of monsters can't recognize violent behavior? People like me. People like me in the last post. I look like a normal person. I grew up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood. Monsters come in all shapes and sizes and I fooled myself by saying because I didn't "look" like an abuser or because I wasn't "like" the abusers I saw on TV, that I wasn't one. But I am. I can't take back what I've done, but I can promise myself I will never victimize anyone else again.
In conclusion, a lot had changed for me in three and a half months. I want to say that I do not blame my behavior on my mental illness or anger or the media or whatever. I made a conscious decision to stalk and terrorize another human being because I thought I had the right to dictate how others interact with me. The class is a year-long class and I have only been in it for a month, but I have already learned so much. I have learned from my group that abuse is always a conscious choice and a learned behavior. But I believe that since I've learned this behavior and it's voluntary, it's totally within my control to change it.
I've also learned from my group about the importance of having a non-romantic support system, so I made some male and female friends at work that invite me over to play video games with them. Don't worry reddit, these are actual friends and not just people I am stalking or believe I am in love with (I talked about this extensively with my therapist and try to be cognizant of my obsessive tendencies).
Thank you to everyone who told it to me straight and I'm sorry for how I decided to treat everyone who was just trying to give me the advice I asked for.
tl;dr: I ceased, I desisted, and I got mental health help. Thanks to everyone.
---
EDIT: Wow, just wow. I didn't expect this response. I guess this is a top post of all time. I wanted to say some things for anyone who reads this in the future:
I read every single comment in r/bestoflegaladvice even though I didn't reply to many. I cried a lot while reading them.
I didn't post this to be gilded or to be patted on the back. I'm not sure why I did it, but I don't think "congrats" is quite the right thing to say to me. I don't know if I deserve praise for being a normal human being with normal relationships. But thank you all for being so supportive anyway.
I've had at least 10 people ask me for the name of the program I am in. The program I am in is specific to my area, so I'd rather not disclose the name. However, I encourage anyone who is concerned that they are controlling or abusive in their relationships with partners, family or friends to google "batterer intervention programs in my area." I did some research today about the class I am in and that is what these types of classes are called. They all operate a little differently based on where you live and what program you do, but we use stuff like the power and control wheel and there are steps in my program. There is no official federal program I don't think.
I am not healed. I have a lot of obsessive thoughts and I have to try really really hard to have appropriate boundaries. My meds have helped with this, but it is a behavior and thought process I need to change and that cant be done with pills. I have a lot of mental health issues (duh, based on my first post) but honestly what you saw was just the tip of the iceberg. I have never had real "friends" until the ones I have now.
Before Jaime, I definitely engaged in stalking behaviors with both women I had crushes on and men I wanted to be friends with. It was never as bad as it was with Jaime, but I still am sure I made people uncomfortable. I also have some self-harm behaviors I am working out. So to the person who was worried that I would use all of the good praise to say "oh I'm perfect now so I can do what I want," trust me, I know I am fucked up and I want to change. I want to have normal relationships and friendships. I want to not be known as "that creepy kid" at my new college.
Please get help if you need it. Take it from me: all people are capable of changing for the positive. | 35 | 2020-02-04T18:52:03 | [LONG] Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order | LegalAdvice | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/eyuw84/long_had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and/ | false | false | [
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eyzmh1 | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9eore0/my_boss_just_informed_me_that_in_the_morning_hr/)
I'm the director of operations at my company. Moments ago, I was told by my boss, in confidence, to prepare to be officially accused and made aware of a sexual harassment investigation on me. This is from an incident that occurred in June.
I need to know what steps I need to take to protect myself.
Here's what happened:
In June, the company was attending a conference and bought hotel rooms for everyone. At the hotel pool I chatted up with a female guest. I was getting pretty drunk and she brought up her husband. I asked "oh you're married?" And she said yes and that she has three kids. I told her that with a body like hers, I'm surprised she doesn't have 10 because I sure would give her 10 and I laughed. She smiled and sometime later she got out of the pool and I said "my oh my, your husband is a lucky man."
I didn't see her again and I got the vibe that she felt uncomfortable. I was a little drunk and would not have said any of that while being sober.
Apparently she found out the name of my company and complained to the hotel who then joined her in complaining to my company. We are also banned from the hotel for life.
I would like to know how I can get out of this with no blood on my hands. I make $125, 000 a year and cannot afford to lose my job and career. It was everything for me to get this position. I also have a family. My wife cannot know about this.
My boss (VP of operations) is a bit paranoid because I notified him 2 days after the incident and because I'm the best director he has ever had and I perform exceptionally well, he decided to sweep this under the rug and pretty much ignore it. I would never throw him under the bus so I will not mention that I told him.
So far all I know is that there has been a sexual harassment complaint on me and an investigation has opened up. I will be speaking with the investigator (forgot his official title), and subsequently the HR manager and VP. I'm nervous about it. he's a former law enforcement detective and from what I've heard he is a pretty tough guy. He has a very aggressive interviewing approach and does not play games. He will try to get me to crack.
My boss told me that he was advised that a suspension may be imminent and to possibly prepare to seek a replacement. This means I might get terminated. I would like to know what type of proof there may be against me. This incident happened 3 months ago.
I get off work in 3 hours and I cannot focus. This is devastating.
please provide, in vivid detail, the steps that I need to take starting right now.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9fe2tv/update_my_sexual_harassment_investigation/)
I've been completely numb the past couple of days. I got fired.
They fucking got surveillance of me. The investigator refused to show me the video and I denied the allegations vehemently. HR manager and VP said they interviewed "several people" and suspended me indefinitely. My boss told me afterwards to prepare for the termination notice.
I told my wife I was laid off. She can never know the truth. I don't know how long I'm going to spend jobless. I worked hard to move up in the world and finally got the job of a lifetime with a great salary. This is devastating.
---
[Update from possible wife in r/relationships](https://snew.notabug.io/r/relationships/comments/cbk5yr/ive_36f_given_16_yrs_of_my_life_to_a_man_36_who/), more info in comments
I don't believe him anymore, because about a yr ago he got fired from a decent job (100k+/yr, d-ops). He told me it was because he'd disagreed with the COO about the company's direction, whatever the hell that meant. That wasn't great but I wasn't going to be mad at him for sticking his ground and trying to do the right thing for the company, & it wasn't like we couldn't afford him to be out of work a while. I don't make as much as he did but it's very decent money, and we had plenty of savings. Plus we could save on childcare & housekeeping if he stayed home w/ our son, right? Haha our house had never been messier.
Well 3 mos later he found a job. Glory hallelujah! He'd get up, go jogging, put on a shirt & tie, & he'd be out until after I got home. We adjusted childcare hours & I brought the housekeeper back & I didn't think it was weird that he was putting so much time in. It was a brand new job & he just got fired, he had to prove himself.
2 mos ago I was home with our son who brought some kind of godawful summer flu home from daycamp & the washing machine started flooding our laundry room. We buy our water so I had to shut off all the water to the house. I couldn't find his notes from our plumber (so I could make sure I had everything off) so I called him. He wasn't answering his phone so I tried the main office number. The woman who was supposed to be his admin didn't even know his name. I was freaking out at this point, so she transferred me to the hiring manager & after I freaked out some more, she told me the truth.
My husband did great on the phone screen & interview, but he never passed the reference check. He didn't work there. He'd never worked there. They would never have hired him after what his last company said about him: he'd been fired for sexually harassing a woman at a work conference.
He lied about why he was fired. He lied about finding a job. He lied about where the money he's been using to pay for thins has come from, he's been using our savings. He's been lying to me from the start. He probably lied about the girl on the volleyball team. I've been loving & supporting & enabling this monster for sixteen years.
I'm talking to a divorce lawyer soon, but it's so shocking. I feel so stupid. How did I not know? & how am I going to explain this to our son? This is going to rock his world & I mean like an earthquake, not a concert. He's 9 yrs old, what the hell do I tell him?
TL;DR: my high school sweetheart has a history of being weird about women, got fired for sexual harassment, lied about it, lied about getting a new job, & has been burning through our savings. I'm going to divorce him, but I don't know if or what I should tell our son about what's really happening. | 66 | 2020-02-04T23:46:01 | My boss just informed me that HR will present me with a sexual harassment complaint/investigation against me + Update from wife | LegalAdvice | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/eyzmh1/my_boss_just_informed_me_that_hr_will_present_me/ | false | false | [
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ezkogh | [Actual Title: Fired for being fat](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bx4q0p/fired_for_being_fat_ct/)
Backstory: I am a woman in my mid 30s, and very overweight. Not to the point of handicap, but I’m a big gal.
I work at a company with around 25 employees, and have been here for 8 years. Recently, the business was sold to a larger corporation, who sent their own people in for management roles after laying off our entire management team, consisting of 4 people. I work with clients in the field, and have a good work record and my clients like me and I have built relationships with them.
Turn to today: I get called into the office of one of the new managers, who tells me my appearance isn’t a good fit for a client facing role, and I can either take a pay cut and work in the call center, or take unpaid leave and come back after I’ve lost a “considerable” amount of weight. I was floored. I’ve never had a client have an issue with my weight (at least outwardly), and I’m good at my job. I meet all productivity goals and have never even received a write up in my 8 years. I pushed and asked him if there had been any complaints, to which he said no, but they want to head off any future issues which may arise. I said straight up “so, you’re punishing me cause I’m fat? Are you also demoting (obese male coworker in same role as me)?”. He said no, and didn’t answer when I asked why the situation was different. I left fuming and told him I was going home for the rest of the day to think about things.
Can this really be legal? What recourse do I have?
1st UPDATE
I spoke with the law office my sister recommended this morning and I have been asked to no longer post online about the situation, sorry for such a non-satisfying update
---
[FINAL UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/c3d2pq/happy_update_to_being_fired_for_being_fat_im_the/)
The Monday following the incident I was asked to come speak with a VP of HR I'd never met and only knew by name, because they work directly for the company that bought ours out. When I walked in the conference room there were 4 people waiting for me, 2 of which I was told was part of legal. What I didn't realize, is my friend who I mentioned in the comments of the other post ended up saying something to another coworker because he was so horrified at the situation (even though I told him to keep it secret). This information ended up making it's way up the chain and was not taken well, to say the least. I was asked to explain exactly what happened, who I told, and asked a lot of questions. Everything I said seemed to make them very uncomfortable, especially when I told them I was in touch with a lawyer. They had me leave the room for nearly 40 minutes and then called me back in and let me know they were very concerned about this situation, and assured me it was an isolated power trip basically....
This is the holy shit part. They say that due to my long tenure in my position, knowledge of how the team works, and my relationship with clients that they felt I would be a good fit for the position the jerk manager sat in, and if I wanted the position it was mine, as their way of saying sorry. They also made sure to mention the large salary increase and bonuses this would come with. I took a couple minutes to think about it, and took the offer. BTW I'm not stupid, I know they did this so I wouldn't take any legal action against them, but I love my job and don't blame them for the actions of a 20something on a power trip. I also know it came down to he said/she said, and would've been a hard case to prove.
There's going to be a company-wide training on gender and interpersonal relations, and I finally have an office with a door I can actually close! I'm in the field a lot less now, so I guess the jerk got what he wanted, because now I don't interact face to face nearly as much as I used to. | 38 | 2020-02-06T01:46:53 | Fired for being fat | LegalAdvice | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ezkogh/fired_for_being_fat/ | false | false | [
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ezuoqw | [Original - Tensions Flaring Due to Farting](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/eei2ft/serious_tensions_flaring_due_to_farting/)
My husband (“Mike”) and I are both in our thirties, and have been married for over ten years. Like any marriage, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we are in a solid, committed relationship. However, for the last year or so, we’ve had ongoing “discussions” about a minor health issue that Mike has developed, and it’s starting to affect our marriage in a really negative way.
The health issue? Mike developed sudden, severe lactose intolerance, and he refuses to change his diet. Yes, he’s seen his doctor about it. He will take Lactaid when he consumes dairy, but frankly, he eats more dairy than the Lactaid can keep up with. And, he will forget to take the Lactaid if the food isn’t “obviously” dairy - think chocolate, for example.
His lactose intolerance is so severe that he farts CONSTANTLY, and his farts STINK. No exaggeration, he farts 30+ times a day. And the odor clings to his body, his clothes, and any fabric he’s sitting/laying on. As an example, I’m writing this at 3:00AM on the couch, because he was farting so loudly in sleep that it woke me up. The sheets on our bed were freshly laundered, and they literally smell like shit less than a day later because of his farts.
Where the relationship issue comes in is that I find his lack of concern for his body, his diet, and how his constant farting affects others, troubling. I acknowledge and understand that he digested dairy just fine for 30+ years of his life with no problems, and it’s an adjustment to change his diet in such a drastic way. I try to supply him with dairy-free meal and snack options. I can’t control every morsel that he eats, though (nor do I have the desire to).
However, I find it selfish that he knows he has violent side effects while eating dairy, and he continues to eat it without caring how his lactose intolerance affects others. Our cars? Smell like shit. Our house? Smells like shit. His clothes? Smell like shit. His body? Smells like shit. I’ve expressed how disgusting and completely preventable this situation is, and he has retorted, several times, how I’m exaggerating and need to get over it.
My question is, how can I be supportive without being controlling? How can we work through this change in life, without having permanent rifts due to farting?
TL;DR - Husband can’t digest dairy, doesn’t care, stinks up our house, also doesn’t care.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/esbyoh/update_tensions_flaring_due_to_farting_m_and_f_in/)
Thank you for your input and advice on my previous post regarding my husband's lactose intolerance and unbearable farting. It's been a month, and I figured you guys deserved an update!
The morning after I slept on the couch, Mike acknowledged my frustrations, and apologized for being dismissive of my feelings. He resolved right then and there to seriously change his diet, and to be more mindful of what he's eating. Since January 1, he has been completely dairy-free. His farting has subsided to a totally normal frequency, and he does not stink at all anymore.
It has been a big adjustment for him to advocate for his own needs, especially while out at restaurants. He is wary of coming across as "that needy guy" who always asks about ingredients or preparation techniques. However, as time goes on, he is becoming more comfortable with it. I am so proud of him, and I support him 100%.
Several of you asked ho he deals with his lactose intolerance at work. Easy answer: he always packed a vegan protein bar for lunch, so his co-workers never had to deal with his stench. Lucky bastards.
TL;DR: Husband finally changed diet and doesn't stink anymore. | 11 | 2020-02-06T16:23:41 | Tensions Flaring Due to Farting | Relationship Advice | register2014 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ezuoqw/tensions_flaring_due_to_farting/ | false | false | [
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ezwzyj | [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/eyyerm/drunk_student_causes_a_ruckus_and_throws_laptop/) - [VIDEO: Drunk student causes a ruckus](https://youtu.be/y45L6Jaa-L8)
2nd Video Surfaces - [Kid shows up to class drunk and starts yelling racial slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/ez0ltf/kid_shows_up_to_class_drunk_and_starts_yelling/)
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/eyz1bh/update_drunk_kid_dragged_out_of_campus_tied_like/) - [VIDEO: drunk kid dragged out of campus](https://youtu.be/Enl4RMroSRg)
---
CBS Reports - [More Video of the Arrest](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1WGpA1pJJI)
Article - [Chapman student arrested on felony, assault charges](https://www.thepanthernewspaper.org/blog/chapman-student-arrested-felony)
A student was arrested the morning of Feb. 4 after assaulting students around him, vandalizing property and yelling racial and homophobic slurs.
“He got up and walked back to this one dude standing by me, just some stranger, slapped him on his ass. (The stranger) didn’t do anything about it because he smelled the alcohol, and then (the student) started running into the walls and saying disrespectful things,” Sitorus said. “Girls would walk by and he’d say, ‘oh, I’m trying to **** you.’ We weren’t having it.”
“He was saying, ‘Oh, I’m super drunk.’ He had a flask, like a water bottle and said, ‘This is full of Bacardi,’” Sitorus told The Panther. | 17 | 2020-02-06T18:57:17 | [VIDEO] Drunk student causes a ruckus | Public Freakout | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ezwzyj/video_drunk_student_causes_a_ruckus/ | false | false | [
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f0gcsb | [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eoley4/aita_i_38_m_for_telling_my_fiancee_f_27her/) in /r/AmItheAsshole
We are getting married in july of this year,the venue is booked and the wedding is pretty much sorted.
All that's left to get is the bridesmaid dresses and her wedding dress.
We jointly put aside 10 k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6 k left over which i think could go towards the honeymoon on top of the honeymoon fund we already had.
We aren't the extravagant type at all, then comes the time for emma to pick her dress. I know everything is more expensive when it has the term wedding attatched to it what i wasn't expecting was an $950 dress plus $120 veil!
I had a quick google around at dresses online and there were so many! and so many just like the one emma wants for like $50 to $100.
I'm not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress but she will literally wear it once, one dress for over $1000 is just insane that would fund our honeymoon .
I tried to show her some dresses i found on a reccomended app called wish and others on website's but she was having none of it.
She is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted?
It turned nasty unfortunately because i said i refuse to drop such a large amount of money on a dress and she argued that she is using her own money for the dress.
Wich isn't strictly true as we ate about to marry and our finances will be joined.
Then her mom had to get involved, they offered to pay for the dress but it's not a case of not being able to afford it.
It's a dress! there are identical one's online at a fraction of the cost.
I thought she would be ecstatic to learn there are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost but she was really angry and upset.
AITA here? is there something i am seriously missing because after we argued about the dress emma has been Extremely cold towards me.
Then yestersay she said if i want her to cheap out on her wedding dress on her wedding day that she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage.
Im blown away that she would say that over a dress, i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent's, who called to tell me i am much more than an asshole.
EDIT: Emma found this thread, it was a mistake to post here and im sorry i posted our problems on reddit, iata
---
[UPDATE by bride](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ep4h1n/me_23f_with_my_fiancee43_m_of_1_and_a_half_years/) in r/relationships
he has humiliated me just a few months before our wedding over my dress and I dont know what to do.
i literally don't know where to start, my fiancee we'll call greg . i dont know what came over him, its completely insane, we are getting married in summer, the argument started over my wedding dress.
i picked a very simple and traditional gown that was already discounted as it is an ex sample gown.
my absolute idiot of a fiancee decided to post to a subreddit asking for opinions or more likely validation on whether i was being unreasonable.
my dress is under 1000 dollars but will come to around 1500 with alterations.
we have over 7 thousand left over in our budget, that's another thing that seriously upset me that he lied in his post multiple times, i make a mich higher salary than him so we agreed he woukd pit 5 k towards the wedding and i put in the rest but why lie? why ask opinions if you've skewed the details.
i had absolutely no problem with this as he makes just above the minimum wage.
the thread got way too much attention, i had already gone to my parents because i was angry about him calling me immature and shouting about me being spoilt.
i also happened to find the thread shortly after he made it because not only did he use my real name his throwaway was his real name followed by his alarm pin!
he sent me a text saying that he wasn't the asshole in this situation and i just KNEW he would post it on reddit, it's not the first time he's posted on reddit about stuff.
but nothing of this magnitude, anyway i don't know what to do, there are people online now claiming to be me and its been shared on twitter and Facebook and I'm just utterly mortified.
he got utterly hammared last night and called my parents, my dad had to hang up on him because he was screaming down the phone and my mom was disgusted.
i cant get my money back on the venue or anything, i recently started antidepressants because I've been feeling low but now i just feel empty.
this whole thing was about the cost of my dress and he suggested i use the wish app to get an identical gown, first he refused to listen to me that wish is garbage but he also argued it to the death in the comments!
i read every single comment in that thread and it was like being punched in the gut, i can't get over the odd lies either, he gave out my real name and his but lied about the age gap and budget.
i am 23 he is 43 admittedly he looks much much younger and for the first few weeks dating i thought he was in his early thirties. we also have only been together a year not 2 years i think he said, and im starting to think this was all too fast.
i need help, i need advice, i know im quite possibly pot calling the kettle by posting to reddit but i post here alot usually anyway and all the fake accounts claiming be me might throw him off anyway.
tl;dr fiancee posted to reddit to get opinions on the price of my wedding dress but used my real name and it all blew up, bow people are creating fake accounts pretending to be me and he has devolved to calling me names and getting drunk and calling my family, he also lied about alot of details in the post, how do i handle this calmly ?
---
[Comment by Bride](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/ep52lc/aita_op_is_ignorant_about_wedding_dress_costs/fehd9vf/) in r/bestof
its amazing how many accounts im seeing claiming to be me, the wedding is not off but it is postponed, i am staying with my parents until we can try to figure this out if we can figure this out, but nothing feels the same now this was humiliating enough without all the added fake account stuff.
[Groom is banned from r/amitheasshole ](https://imgur.com/iLeiyT0)
---
[UPDATE by groom](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/eqaqj2/i_40s_m_messed_up_big_time_and_my_fiancee_20sf/) in /r/relationships
I made a really stupid mistake, I'm going to keep things extremely vague because i don't want a repeat of last time.
Me and my fiancee linda had a small disagreement over the price of her wedding dress, and instead of just talking it out i posted about it to reddit, things got way out of hand, her friends saw the post and it got way too much attention.
Things were still salvageable it seemed until the newspapers picked up on and then started covering the story and harrasing linda for interviews and asking if she had dumped me
She has gone to stay with her parents for the foreseeable future and has cancelled the venue and the flowers and just about everything.
I want to make things right but she has blocked me and turned off her phone, the papers are still running with the story, but i really need this to work, i need to make things right, all of this over a dress.
tl;dr fiancee has called off wedding because i made a post on reddit about a disagreement instead of talking it out, it went viral, hit the papers, which harrased her and now the wedding is cancelled
---
[UPDATE by Bride](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/ep4qqr/update_to_the_guy_who_wanted_his_fiance_to_get_a/) in r/weddingshaming
the moment he showed this ugly ass attitude my vagina dried up like the Sahara desert and ignited honestly though if i dont laugh at this situation ill have a complete breakdown
[Last Update by bride](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/eqbrl7/would_anyone_like_a_free_engagement_ring_or_do/)
Would anyone like a free engagement ring or do they know anyone who wants one? | 41 | 2020-02-07T20:28:40 | [LONG] Starts in AITA ends in WeddingShaming, updates span several subs | AITA | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f0gcsb/long_starts_in_aita_ends_in_weddingshaming/ | false | false | [
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f0gft6 | [removed] | 1 | 2020-02-07T20:34:15 | A Wedding Story, updates span several sub | null | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f0gft6/a_wedding_story_updates_span_several_sub/ | false | false | [
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f0krst | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/dd0kp0/i_bought_a_spiderman_costume_to_wear_with_my_son/)
I bought a Spider-Man costume to wear with my son on Halloween. I offered to wear it to a friend’s 4 year old son’s birthday. What can I say or do to make it entertaining and fun for the kids besides just doing a few poses?
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/dekg2l/updatei_bought_a_spiderman_costume_to_wear_with/) #1
Hey I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who took the time to offer suggestions. I had a blast being Spiderman. It's not everyday you get to be a Superhero for kids.
It definitely felt awkward to be wearing tights in front of the parents, but it really helps to be hiding behind the mask.
Hardest part was climbing to the top of the bounce house slide lol. Kind of sad that Spiderman had trouble with a 5 foot inflatable wall.
I made sure to have a can of silly string tucked inside the wrist of the costume ( i cut a small hole in the palm so I could shoot it out ). The can was so well hidden that it was a cool surprise when I shot my friend in the face with it while posing for a picture. My friend's were a little worried that their son might be scared of a costumed character, so I made sure to befriend and do my best not to scare him. It worked and he led me from the bounce house to the living room to show me his train set. I took some Spiderman party favors with me and gave him a set of Spiderman pajamas. One small boy gave me a hug and it was the cutest thing ever.
I definitely had a blast and I'm looking forward to Halloween.
Quick edit: Thanks for all the kind words. Going to save this to read for the days when I feel depressed.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/dpt1zj/update_2i_bought_a_spiderman_costume_to_wear_with/) #2
Hey guys, Thought I'd let you know I was able to be Spiderman for a my local children's hospital today,
The hospital went all out with a lot for the kids to do in the lobby and had tons of new costumes for them to have. Quite a few of the kids let me hold them while their mom and dad took pics. I took plenty of pictures with parents and nurses as well.
One of the best uses of my time in my entire life. Wanted to update you guys and tell all my internet friends thanks for the advice and encouragement.
https://imgur.com/a/nRr0BA1
https://imgur.com/a/5ygayhu | 19 | 2020-02-08T01:54:18 | I bought a Spider-Man costume to wear...to a friend’s 4 year old son’s birthday | Advice | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f0krst/i_bought_a_spiderman_costume_to_wearto_a_friends/ | false | false | [
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f0vms0 | [Seeking random internet strangers to help fill a small theater, where I will surprise propose to my girlfriend](https://www.reddit.com/r/boston/comments/e71aaf/brookline_seeking_random_internet_strangers_to/) in /r/boston
Backstory: My girlfriend and I were high school sweethearts. We split up when we moved away for college, but, through freak happenstance, reconnected ten years later and got back together.
On 12/30, I plan to propose to her during a screening of her favorite movie. Sprinkled into the audience, hidden, will be our friends and family - to surprise her and celebrate afterward.
In an effort to prevent her from noticing these familiar faces, I've reserved 20 seats surrounding hers as buffer. If you are interested in filling one of the seats, please DM me! In return you will get:
A free screening of most of Sleeping Beauty
Pizza and/or beer afterwards
A wholesome and memorable Monday night
A successful entry into the anals of "we did it, Reddit!"
My eternal gratitude
Thank you!
EDIT: Damn I love you guys, there was way more interest in this than I was expecting. Thank you to everyone who has reached out.
Right now it's skewing mostly 20-somethings (go figure) so, to even it out, please let me know if you're a parent and have a Disney-age son or daughter that would like to attend. You will have first priority.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/boston/comments/embt5n/update_i_proposed_to_my_girlfriend_with_the_help/)
I proposed to my girlfriend with the help of some random internet strangers. We did it Reddit!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1TZWzf3Fqk | 18 | 2020-02-08T18:36:50 | Guy asks Reddit for help with his epic marriage proposal | null | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f0vms0/guy_asks_reddit_for_help_with_his_epic_marriage/ | false | false | [
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f1lkfu | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/awyi8k/aita_for_despising_my_mentally_handicap_sister/)
The title makes me sound horrible but hear me out.
My sister is severely autistic. She requires attention almost 24/7 and cannot be left alone. She is non-verbal and cannot take care of herself at all. Despite the fact that she is only 12 she is extremely destructive and violent and destroys anything she gets her hands on.
I hate her. That should be wrong to say but it doesn't feel like it.
I was only 6 years old when she was born and since then i've never solely had my parents attention. Even since I can remember the world has revolved around her. I was moved out of my room into the basement at 7 because she needed to be in the room next to my parents. All of my toys as a child were destroyed by her and my parents simply ignored me when I complained. Even when I was 14 and she destroyed a mac my school gave me I was in the wrong.
Along with this I am expected to take care of her and drop everything I do for her. I can never make plans with friend because my parents "expect" me to be there if they need me to take care of her. Even when I do somehow get time to myself I am required to leave if they need me. If i do not then I am punished. The recent example of this is when I went to see the new spider man movie, and was "grounded" because i turned my phone off in the theater.
It seems as if I am nothing more than a slave to them and anything involving her simply overshadows me. This last week I was chosen to give a speech at a school event. I was so exited and my parents promised to be there, but they never showed and claimed it was because of my sister. Anytime anything like this happens for me they are to busy with her.
I've held this in for so long and it finally spilled out today. While talking about colleges with my father, he joked that I should get a degree that pays well so when their gone I can take care of my sister. I don't know why but this caused me to break down. I cried and screamed about how it always about her. I'm nothing more than a caretaker to them, that they always make it about her and that I'm expected to be her "slave" for the rest of my life.
I've locked myself in my room since then and my parents have not come to check on me. Am i the asshole here?
**Edit/Update kinda:**
Thank you all. After thinking about it for these past hours, you are right that I don't despise my sister. It's not her fault that she was born the way she is. My parents came to talk to me a while after my break down but I was unable to bring myself to talk to them and only cried and asked them to leave. They have made arrangements with my grandfather for me to stay with him for the time being and am getting ready to go to his house. My parents want to talk to me but we have decided it's best I leave for now to have some space and time to collect myself. we will be sitting down and talking later this week about this issue.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/azvko1/update_aita_for_despising_my_mentally_handicap/)
Well, since that day I made the post i've been staying with my grandfather. The week's been honestly a huge change for me for better and for worse but i'll try to run it down.
I started by telling my grandpa the story of why I broke down the way I did and to be honest, he seemed horrified. No one in my family knew my parents were using me as essentially a free care service for my sister. My grandpa told me some things that I don't feel comfortable repeating here but in essence my sister is "supposed" to be getting care from a professional and that my parents were ignoring that, along with this I was not supposed to be caring for her at all with her mental state as apparently she is a danger to herself and others. With everything else I told him, along with stuff like the movie indecent he was really mad and told me to not contact my parents without him there. He pretty much told me that he would be meeting with my parents beforehand and that he was going to be there when I sat down with them. It didn't end here either, the rest of the week consisted of other family checking in on me and telling me things my parents hid from me. This included the fact that my parents have been taking money from family to fund a "caretaker" that doesn't exist.
Suffice to say, this week has been rough. But, the upside is that even through all this, my extended family has been giving me more love than i've felt in a while. My grandfather spent this last week "making up for the time i've lost." Encouraging me to spend time with friends and do things I want to do. My aunts and uncles have also been helping me through the week.
Well, Saturday night I sat down with parents to talk. It went badly to say the least. They came clean to me about everything. They told me things I will not repeat here. But they did not apologize. My parents still claim that I some how owed my sister my time. My father even saying "You were put here to be her caretaker". I won't lie and say I was composed. After everything i learned I confronted them. On the fact that my sister needed a caretaker. The money my dad was taking from his sister, and a few other things. They denied it or made excuses. And in the end, we ended off in a worse place than before.
Today will be my last time talking to them for a while. After talking with my grandfather and uncle last night, I'm not going back. Later today i'm going there and picking up my stuff and moving in with my grandfather. When I graduate high school i'm planning on leaving the state to go to school. My aunt has told me that the money she was sending my dad will be instead be coming to me from now on. My parents have called me twice since Saturday, neither of them were to apologize and only ask when I was coming home.
I won't be going back to them. Right now I still feel pretty uneasy about everything but I feel like that will pass. The rest of my family is showing their support to me and honestly, it feel great. But in the end I lost my parents. Over all of this, i've learned something that I wished I saw earlier. I don't hat my sister. In fact I love her with all my heart. I should never have never projected my hate onto her. That was wrong, and someday I hope to make up for it. But for now I need to leave.
**Late edit:**
We just got back from moving my things out of my parents house. Every thing I wanted to take my grandpa and uncle helped move and it's at my grandpa's house now. I have my birth certificate, social security card, and every other document and record I could think of. My parents were quiet the whole time I was there.
Shorty after I arrived my dad left with my sister and my mom only hovered over us silently as me moved. It took a while but as we left she broke down and told me she loved me and would miss me. I hugged her and said goodbye, and that was it. Even now I sit here and think if she really meant it. After this whole week of her not saying anything she waited till the end. I hope she meant it.
Right now though, I think I just need to look ahead. Maybe one day me and my parents can reconnect. I hope so. | 36 | 2020-02-10T05:12:19 | 'I despise my mentally handicap sister' | AITA | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f1lkfu/i_despise_my_mentally_handicap_sister/ | false | false | [
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f1tl0b | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/eiwcw3/my_ex_has_a_restraining_order_against_me_and_now/)
My Ex Wife and I had a rocky marriage, my alcoholism didn't help. She pushed for a divorce. We lived together during this divorce and one day I found out she was dating another man. I snapped and hit her, pretty hard. I was charged with assault, spent 3 months in jail, went to anger management and I was also issued a 3 yr restraining order.
This was 2 yrs ago. I have since sobered up, met a wonderful woman and moved to a completely different apartment complex in a completely different part of the city and never had any further contact with my Ex Wife. I admit what I did was wrong, I paid the price, I've seen re-established myself. My current woman who I've been in a relationship with for 2 yrs is aware of this back ground story (which makes things slightly easier)
Well unknown to me my ex moved into my apartment complex about 5 months ago with her now new husband (who had always lived here, I did not know this) I saw her in the lobby just before new years. She greeted me, I turned shocked and said hello. She asked me what I was doing in the lobby I said I was just coming in from work she told me that the restraining order is still in effect and I need to move out.
I tried to reason with her and told her I'd be happy to steer clear of her, I know we don't live on the same floor (I don't even know what floor she lives on, I don't care to know) I told her if I saw her on an elevator I wouldn't get in and just wait for the next one. She told me she was going enforce the restraining order against me.
My partner and I literally just signed a brand new 2 yr lease 6 months ago. We love the place we live in, and wouldn't want to move. And it feels unjust having to move/incur financial hardship because the person I had a restraining order against moved into my apartment complex.
The reason why I'm bringing this up is cause last night building management was informed of the restraining order and told us we need to figure this out.
Would she really be able to force me out of my home even though I lived here before her? As long as I do my best to avoid any contact with her (which I'm perfectly fine doing) shouldn't that be sufficient? I work a really early schedule and the fact is she was dating this guy and coming over to this apartment complex for the entire time I've been here, and we ran crossed paths, and she's been living here full time for 5 months and just recently crossed paths. Not sure what to do.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/f1jwp3/an_update_on_my_ex_has_a_restraining_order/)
The public defender that represented me was no longer practicing in the NYC area but I retained a lawyer who was a friend of a friend who had experience in this area.
My lawyer got references from my PO, Employer, and AA Sponsor.
Our goal was to get the restraining order modified to a simple no-contact order with no distance requirements so I could continue living with my partner. I spoke to the Judge told him my story, what I had done to correct my past transgressions. He reviewed my record. We submitted our references.
During this time period I was crashing on a friends couch as to not vioalte my propective order.
* PO said I had paid my fines, followed all the rules, and never once had to remind me of my restrictions, and so forth and said he was impressed with my turnaround.
* My employer said that I was always early, never seemed to be under the influence or hangover from anything, and even at our company functions was very open and honest about my sobriety and didn't partake in drinking
* My AA Sponsor said good things about me too, how he was impressed with my maturity, and openness on my alcoholism and addiction.
Then the Judge asked my ex-wife to speak. My ex-wife said she was shocked by my turnaround. She said that it seemed unfair to her to require me to move because she moved into my building unknowingly and that she no longer felt threatened by me. This was a shock to both my lawyer and I as I expected my Ex to want to keep the protective order in place.
The Judge said that he wouldn't modify the protective order but lift it entirely as he felt it had served its purpose and that based upon my references, my testimony, and most importantly the testimony of my Ex that he didn't see how keeping it place was benefiting anymore.
He did tell my Ex that if she ever felt threatened or in danger because of something I said or did she could contact the police. The Judge then told me his main reason for lifting the order was to allow me to live in my current apartment but advised it was a good idea to avoid contact with my Ex to avoid any potential complications down the road. He reminded me because of my past it wouldn't take much to get another procetive order put in place. I told the Judge I had no intention of talking/contacting to my Ex and I was thrilled that I don't have to move and get to stay with my current girlfriend.
So over the course of this weekend I moved back into my apartment with my girlfriend. I'm glad this was resolved. | 21 | 2020-02-10T17:27:33 | My ex has a restraining order against me and now lives in the same apartment complex | LegalAdvice | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f1tl0b/my_ex_has_a_restraining_order_against_me_and_now/ | false | false | [
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f2js7p | [removed] | 1 | 2020-02-12T02:22:42 | Family saves for a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, but are turned away at the airport & told "better leave or else they will call the police" | null | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f2js7p/family_saves_for_a_onceinalifetime_vacation_but/ | false | false | [
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f2jtok | [removed] | 1 | 2020-02-12T02:25:40 | Family saves for a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, are turned away at the airport | null | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f2jtok/family_saves_for_a_onceinalifetime_vacation_are/ | false | false | [
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f2krwj | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/7jpydi/tifu_by_not_properly_checking_the_passport_rules/)
Literally just happened today. My mother, brother, sister and I were all planning to go to Kenya for a giant vacation. It was the death anniversary of my grandma, and since my mom had not been there in 20 years, she decided that she wanted to go and show us where she was raised.
We are a pretty low income family due to my mom having a brain tumour a few years ago that still exhibits problems for her and all 3 of us kids going to school, so only work is part time for myself and my brother (sister was too young). Due to this, we saved up as much as we could, and even though it hurt us a lot financially, we bought the tickets 6 months ago using a travel agent for a total cost of $6000.
Since it was with a travel agent, we thought it was a done deal. He sent us the ticket and travel itinerary, and said everything was good to go. We soon learned however, that this was wrong. But that's to come later on.
Anyway, due to us thinking that it was a done deal. We called up our family in Kenya and told them that we would finally be coming to visit them. This had them excited, especially my uncle, who is fairly wealthy, and decided that he wanted to make this trip worthwhile. Knowing that we couldn't afford anything special, he decided to pitch in to make our trip something we would never forget. A $20,000 dollar event itinerary filled with a personal driver, 4 days at a safari, 5 star hotels, scuba-diving, and more. It was one if those dream vacations that you could not wait for. It WOULD have been great.
Fast forward to today. Where we had finished buying luggages and packing them, had arranged accommodation for our dog, and had put valuables in secure areas. It was a 3 week trip that was supposed to end on January 6, 2018. Remember this date folks.
We take an hour ride through traffic, and finally arrive at the airport at 3:30, with the flight leaving around 6. We have everything ready and with us, and we were feeling really good. We go up to the Lufthansa baggage check in and wait. Around 4, it's finally our turn. We go with the right amount of suitcases, show them our ticket, and then finally give in our passports to be scanned. Everything looks good... And then here's where it started to crumble.
Remember how I said that the return date was January 6th. Well Lufthansa just then tells us that they can't let us on the trip because to go to Kenya our passport should be valid for 6 months after the end of the trip. Our passports however, expired on the 4th of June. 2 FUCKING DAYS DIFFERENCE. This comes as a blow to my mom, and after going through confusion, she starts going through panic. She asks them what we can do. And they say that there's an emergency passport place that can do it in an hour.... But they close at 4:30 and it was already around 4:15 by then and it was half an hour drive. Not possible.
My mom goes back to the Lufthansa desk and asks them if there is anything else they can please do to help, is there a way to reschedule from the desk so we can go in within the next 2 days to try and get the renewed passport. They say they can't do anything. She asks for what to do with the travel agent, they say that she better leave or else they will call the police on her.
We leave the desk and we go to sit down and call the agent. we ask him to call the head of service and to try and change the flight date, they tell him that the only thing we can do is to cancel the flight and rebook.... And of course, they'll still keep about $2000 from the $6000. We try to get him to see if they can exchange (because we knew the price for a new one would be unaffordable), but he didn't do shit and just did the cancellation. Never going to hire him again EVER.
My mom starts to break down. But I try my best to make her feel a better. "How could I be so stupid, why didn't I do it" and "why didn't he warn us. I shouldn't have ever picked him to book our flight" really started to break my heart. But I told her to keep her head strong, we will get through it. We immediately get home and go to get passport photos done, grab renewal forms, and get referrals and what not and have the paperwork ready to go early morning tomorrow (technically today at the time of typing) at 8 am to hopefully be ready the end of tomorrow with the urgent renewal running about $1000 in total. If the ticket is affordable enough now, we would be able to do it, it would just mean that we would have to be living pretty broke for the next few months.
All we need now, is to see the ticket prices. We go online and my mom starts to cry. We check all the websites, the lowest price is $12,000. Double that of what we paid. And way out of our price range due to all the things we had paid for before hand (even worse, the "refund" from Lufthansa would take approximately 4 weeks to arrive. We won't be able to afford it, unless we go afterwards. But doing that would mean that the amazing event that my uncle set up would go down the drain. We had to go to our last resort.
My mom had to call my uncle, and ask for help. We tell him that they wouldn't let us on the flight... And he starts fucking raging. He is so pissed and it's understandable. He would lose his $20,000 that he spent just for us since it was all booked and paid for already. After though, my mom starts to pretty much beg him to help us find a flight, but he says that he can't spend over $12,000 more for us, especially with that $12,000 being on the line with us actually getting a renewed passport tomorrow. We beg him to please do it, and he angrily says he will see and will call by 1 if he has a flight (we need a travel itinerary to show the passport office in order for them to renew it in 1 day).
It's almost 2 now, and there's no call. I'm sitting in bed here depressed while typing this (which is probably why there where mistakes in the text. I'm to sad to think properly). Meanwhile my mom is crying while trying to fall asleep. My mom's biggest dream in years and about $30,000 all pretty much down the drain. And only because our passport was expiring in June 4, 2018 instead of June 6, 2018 on a trip that was ending on January 6, 2018.
Tl;dr: we had a giant trip planned to have my mom finally go back home to Kenya, had a shitty travel agent who didn't tell us that our passport was 2 days under the 6 months validity after the trip, and now my mom is crying and our uncle who payed the $20,000 event itinerary hates us.
---
**Update**
I MADE IT. THANK YOU ALL SOOO MUCH! Your invaluable advice made it very easy for me to get a set path of what to do. First off, I fought with the travel agent in order to get my money back. I used some of the advice from this subreddit and you were right, I got back the $6000.
Then, I went online and found the cheapest flight I could that left in two days, having found one for $12000 (the cheapest). "Booked it" and printed the travel itinerary and went early in the morning to get the emergency passports. We got them on the same day due to showing the itinerary (thank you Reddit) and we're ready on that front.
That was the easy part though, for now, I needed another $6000 in order to pay for the new ticket prices. Knowing how badly my mom wanted it, i spent two days where I had to sell my dream computer, Nintendo Switch, Xbox, PS4, iPad, and pretty much everything else I had that was an "entertainment product".
My mom's happiness was worth way more than the happiness I got from those items so I thought it was a valuable trade. It's now been the end of the second day (12:00 am as I write this), and the smile on my mom's face seeing as she drives through the town, meets old classmates, and so far has gone swimming in the fishes has been one I had not seen since my dad left us, so I thank every single one of you who showed your support, and also have me advice on what to do. These next 3 weeks are all because of you. | 38 | 2020-02-12T03:33:46 | Family who saves for a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, turned away at airport | TIFU | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f2krwj/family_who_saves_for_a_onceinalifetime_vacation/ | false | false | [
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f3f507 | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhfeg9/aita_for_making_a_dad_joke/)
My step-daughter, Madeline, was about a year old when I married her mother, Jessica. Madeline’s father died before she was born.
Madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. She did something bad, so while picking her up, I set a punishment up for her. Then she said “You’re not my dad. I don’t have to follow you”. Honestly, I got a bit hurt from that. But I understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. I just replied “I’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.”
That happened about 2 days ago. So our family was going grocery shopping, when Madeline said “I’m hungry. I need food.” I decide to be extremely cheeky and say “Hi Hungry, I’m not your dad.” My son just started to laugh uncontrollably. My daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. And my wife was berating me “Not to stoop down to her level.”
I honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. And my son agrees. So AITA?
Edit: I did adopt her. So legally I am her parent.
Mini Update: I’ll probably give a full update later but here is what happened so far. I go to my daughter’s room after dinner and begin talking with her. “Hey. I’m really sorry that I hurt you by the words I said. And I am really your dad. I changed your diapers, I met your boyfriend, and I plan on helping you through college. And plus I’m legally your dad, so we’re stuck together. But seriously, I’m going to love you like my daughter even if you don’t think I’m your dad. Then I hugged her. She did start to cry. I assume that’s good.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dq32it/update_aita_for_making_a_dad_joke/)
My son found the post, and shared it with my daughter. This was after apologizing to her. She cried again.
So last week, we decided to have a father/daughter bonding weekend. Honestly, it was awesome. I took her bowling, to get a manicure, becoming Disney princesses(I looked awesome as Jasmine), and so forth.
She loved it. I loved it. Everyone was happy. Then we decided to go out to eat dinner. “I’m starving, what do you want Maddie?” “Hi Starving, I’m not your daughter”. She had this biggest smirk on her face. She hugged me and I kissed her forehead. I’m sure she’d been planning this for weeks. | 30 | 2020-02-13T19:15:26 | 'I honestly thought it was a funny dad joke' | AITA | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f3f507/i_honestly_thought_it_was_a_funny_dad_joke/ | false | false | [
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f3w1ej | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/al68mc/swallowed_my_pipe/)
So, got pulled over, and swallowed my pipe.
It was in my lap, and I got pulled over for passing a bus that I didn't see with red lights on (there was a truck between him and I). It was in my lap, and I just saw it, and made a choice, gulped it down. Now I'm just afraid of getting it back lol
Tried to regurgitate it, but it didn't come up. How screwed am I letting it pass on its own?
Update: I took a strong mechanic magnet to my back, felt it move inside my stomach. Was mad weird but cool as hell. Been eating normally, as I've been rather solid lately. Just hoping it makes all the curbs on the way out, and comes out straight. Will update on what comes of it.
---
[1 Year Later](https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/f3ls5i/swallowed_my_weed_pipe_update/)
Well guys, it's been over a year, and recently I had my first kidney stone.
They couldn't see it on X-Ray, so they took me for a CT scan. As I laid down to prepare to be scanned, I stopped my doctor.
"Hey doc, is it the MRI or the CT that uses magnets?"
"That'd be the MRI. This one uses X-Rays. Have something metal on you or something?"
"Well, I have a bunch of piercings, but I'm more concerned about the metal pipe I swallowed a while back..."
"...You swallowed a pipe?"
"Yes sir. Got pulled over with my weed pipe in my hand, panicked, and gulped it down."
"...There's a first for everything I guess."
He does the scan as normal, going into his little room to run the machine. He comes back in after scanning two or three times.
"Well, good news. No pipe."
So, yeah. I guess I passed it at some point and just never noticed it! | 26 | 2020-02-14T18:05:11 | Swallowed my weed pipe | r/Drugs | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f3w1ej/swallowed_my_weed_pipe/ | false | false | [
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f4c1t7 | [removed] | 1 | 2020-02-15T16:54:10 | test | null | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f4c1t7/test/ | false | false | [
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f4cmce | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/amputee/comments/9n0lcl/below_knee_amputation_prosthetic_question/) - minor edits for clarity
Well in October 2017, 2 weeks after we pulled back into home port my left foot and lower leg was crushed by a forklift. The nerve damage and nerve pain was too much for me. It was like having your leg dissolved in acid or cut by razor blades and it was 24/7.
I’m about have be a LBKA and I was curious that once you build a callus and you are able to wear a prosthetic with minimal issues, how many hours in a day are you able to actually wear it? Would I be able to wear it from sunrise to sunset or would it be more of a “working hours only” type of deal.
---
Update [PHOTO](https://preview.redd.it/qn4hj073a9c21.jpg?width=579&auto=webp&s=de16cad96f2d6c1a7656e2c7346c251426a92c8a)
I met the bestest boy today while I was touring the Amputation clinic and he welcomed me with open arms to my new home. The best part is, he out ranks me. 12/10 best boy on earth
---
Update [PHOTO](https://i.redd.it/izic9x2epvd21.jpg)
Just had my leg amputated. It’s whatever, I didn’t want it anyway.
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/an8ck0/my_post_about_getting_an_amputation_went_viral_a/)
This is a first look at my new stump! My mother recorded this like the angel she is. Thanks again for everyone’s support!
Well 2 weeks ago I was sitting in the couch trying to accept my fate that I would be an amputee. 9 days ago it actually happened. Since then, I’ve actually remained pretty positive and optimistic! I smile and laugh a lot and since I’ve been here I think I’ve made 50+ friends! I can’t go to the 3rd floor for PT without saying Hello to nurses and doctors that have worked with me before! Or to fellow amputees that I’ve met or even just random amputees. It’s been overall a positive experience. I’ll be honest in saying that the last 24 hours haven’t been as great. The pain is becoming more persistent as the nerve block wears off and I can start to feel where they cut my leg off. The phantom pains are becoming more and more real and I have to say, holy shit they suck. And now pretty much nonstop I have Phantom Sensations which are different from Phantom pains.
For anyone who doesn’t know, Phantom Pains are when you can feel your foot as if it were never gone and it feels like someone is trying destroy it with every tool imaginable. Luckily they don’t last long but are happening more often which medication will hopefully take care of.
Phantom Sensations however are just when you can feel your foot. It doesn’t hurt or anything but you can feel you foot as if the surgery never happened and it is a huge mind fuck. Usually rubbing of the stump helps(not masturbation) but it never really goes away I assume. Once it started it just hasn’t stopped.
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/anv5jl/this_was_my_first_time_using_mirror_therapy_as_a/)
This was my first time using mirror therapy as a coping mechanism after my Amputation. Seeing my left leg magically come back was incredible. It was too much to handle and my mother captured that moment. P.S. I still killed the rest of the workout
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/ao9kuz/no_tears_today_only_progress_i_did_some_uphill/)
No tears today, only progress. I did some uphill training on my wheelchair today for the first time and my god did it feel good to feel the burn. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to do cardio!
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/ap9ebp/not_every_day_has_to_be_negative_just_because/)
Not every day has to be negative. Just because they chopped my leg off doesn’t mean I can put a smile on my face! Everyone meet Stumpy the Moose.
Try not to take life to seriously and laugh at the stupid jokes. Don’t be afraid to be goofy in public. Either nobody cares what you look like or they do and they end up laughing along with you! Smiles and positivity is infectious so if everyone smiled a little bit more, the world would be a better place. I definitely not the worst off in the world so I have no reason to be upset at my place in the universe. I just got dealt a different hand in life. I’ve always had had my personality to fall back on just Incase my foot wasn’t there to catch me.
---
Update [PHOTO](https://preview.redd.it/sz5dnk1zq5m21.jpg?width=576&auto=webp&s=6b7b0ed3a9bdf315d068abec62d85e23d0dd73ba)
I just had my leg amputated recently and I had an anonymous person send me this bear. I didn’t even notice the fact that whoever sent the bear, made it just like me. This picture was taken after I had washed my face because I was sobbing. Shit like this make my day.
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/bpu3u4/its_been_a_while_since_my_last_update_but_ya_boy/)
It’s been a while since my last update but ya boy is finally walking! It’s been a long few months and multiple set backs but I’m walking and walking pretty damn well if you ask me!
---
Update [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/sports/comments/bwgno6/do_what_you_were_born_to_do/)
Do what you were born to do. | 13 | 2020-02-15T17:33:51 | I’m turning all my loss into strength since my amputation | r/amputee | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f4cmce/im_turning_all_my_loss_into_strength_since_my/ | false | false | [
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f4htj5 | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/f49z09/my_m28_wife_f28_threw_out_the_flowers_i_got_her/)
I met my wife when we were 20, we've been together since shortly after we met. We got engaged at 26 and just got married last Autumn.
When I met her, she was a widow. She had known her late husband since infancy (her Mom babysat him), and they had been "dating" since seventh grade. Married at 18. He died in a car accident when they were 20, shortly before I met her.
When we first started dating, she was still grieving his death, she would often have panic attacks and lock herself in the bathroom crying. I tried to be as understanding as I could when things like this happened. I tried to comfort her, but she would just ask for space. Over the years, this has lessened and lessened, she NEVER brings him up anymore.
Our first Valentine's Day I got her chocolates and flowers, she accepted them, and said she appreciated the gesture. But then she said she thinks Valentine's Day is just a stupid, commercial holiday that she doesn't care for. I retorted that I think it's a sweet day where couples could profoundly express their love, and that I'd still like to celebrate it at least a little.
After pressing it for a while, she admitted that she didn't want to celebrate it because she celebrated it with her late-husband. It started with corny, little Valentine's cards you make for your classmates in elementary school. To full-fledged romantic dinners. Then eventually they got married on Valentine's day. We were freshly in the relationship, so I digressed, and agreed no Valentine's day. So, I never attempted to celebrate it again.
That brings us to this Valentine's day. Man, I can feel my blood boiling typing this. It's our first Valentine's day as a married couple, she never discusses him anymore, so I think... why not surprise her with some flowers after work? We've come so far over the years. Our relationship is near perfect, I love her beyond words, nothing wrong with expressing that... right? Wrong. I bring home the flowers, a full-fledged $100 bouquet, and she loses her absolute shit. She said it's the one thing she's ever explicitly asked me not to do and I couldn't even respect that.
She grabs the flowers out of my hands, storms out of the apartment without even putting shoes on. I follow after her, she starts screaming at the top of her lungs, and throws them in a dumpster. Her knees give out, and she shrinks down to the ground, crying like absolute crazy. I've never seen her this bad. I get down on the ground with her and hold her, profusely apologizing. She calms down, we go back up to our apartment. A few hours pass by as normal, and admittedly.. I make maybe an even bigger mistake...
She's on her computer doing some work, I ask her, "Do you still love him? Was I just a rebound?" I regret the words as soon as they come out, I wish I could take them back instantly; we haven't discussed him since the first year we were together. But I don't want to ignore the subject, it's killing me, I had to ask. No response. Nothing. At all.
I get angrier. I know I shouldn't have, but I start yelling at her to answer me. She gets up, she starts packing up a duffel bag with clothes. I ask where she's going? Still nothing. She wouldn't even make eye contact with me. She takes off her engagement and wedding rings (from our marriage) and puts it on the nightstand. I lose it at this point. I feel out of my mind. I literally can't feel my body. It's like I'm watching myself from the third person.
Her late-husband was cremated, so she kept his wedding ring after he passed, in a little box in her sock drawer. I grab the box, and get a hammer, I start bashing the ring in and telling her that he's dead, I'm her husband now, I can't believe she's not over him.. Awful stuff. I know. I don't know what I was thinking. She bawls for me to stop. I immediately stop. I realize what I had just done. I wasn't thinking. I couldn't have been. I would never do something like that but I just did.
And then she left. I begged her to stay as she walked out but she didn't. I've tried contacting her a million times since, her phone is off? Or she blocked me. I don't know. I called her parents, and close friends, no one knows where she is. Or at least they won't tell me.
I know I messed up. Is there anything I can do to fix this? Is my marriage over? I've never felt that kind of anger before. I've never been so vicious before. I don't know what came over me, jealousy? Maybe. I don't know. I guess I can't really describe it. It just felt like everything I built with her was based on a rebound. If he hadn't died, they would probably be together, and I'm just holding his place now.
She's always treated me with immense love, never compared me to him, she's the most hardworking, brave, sweetest woman I know. She's always encouraged me and pushed me to achieve my dreams. And supported me when I failed.
---
**EDIT/UPDATE:** Her brother called me and let me know she's safe, and staying with a family member, but won't specify where. He asked if he could come pick up some more of her stuff (including the destroyed ring, he specifically ask I not throw it away or further tarnish it....) from our place, without her. I reluctantly agreed, I really want to see her, but I understand why I can't right now.
She hasn't texted me back or called me herself. I'm starting to think she won't be anytime soon. And according to everyone here, I have no one to blame but myself. Not sure if I'll keep replying to comments, it's taking a toll on me, but I'm still reading all of them. Some are hard to read, but I appreciate them anyway.
I guess I'm an asshole, but it's hard to live in the shadow of a ghost. I just wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day so I could show her how much I love and appreciate her. Things got out of hand. Some of my comments on here were out of anger, and I'm sorry for that. I love my wife, despite what people here think. And I won't stop fighting for her.
---
**2nd/last update:** Nevermind. I was wrong. She texted me back shortly after her brother called, "The next time you see me there will be a lawyer, and divorce papers. I'm scared of you now. Please stop contacting me and my family, and if you come anywhere near me, I'm calling the cops..."
Verbatim. So, I guess that's that. I guess I underestimated the severity of what I did. I guess it isn't as black and white as I thought. I knew I messed up. I just didn't think it was this bad. I'm floored. Devastated. I hope she just texted that out of anger, and that she'll come around. Part of me is so angry I want to throw out his ring entirely, and her engagement/wedding ring from our marriage too. It's hard to imagine she actually wants to leave me. For now, whiskey it is.
---
**Okay, actual last update** after I left her multiple voicemails and texts after her last text. She sent me back one text, here it is:
"I love you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but it's become clear you can't accept the life I had before you. I learnt how to love because of him, and because of that I was able to love you as long, and as much as I did. In a way you're right, I wasn't ready to get into a relationship when we did, but we did, and we were in deep.
I wasn't ready but I didn't want to lose you because it was the wrong timing. And we built an amazing life together, or so I thought. What you did is unforgivable. I would have rather you hit me with the hammer, and leave the ring in tact. I got rid of all my photos with him because you didn't want it in our home, that ring was all I had left.
Please do not get rid of it. Keep the apartment, keep the car, keep anything you want of ours. I will tell any lawyer I want the bare minimal. But that ring is mine. If you ever cared about me, let me just have it back so I can get it fixed. We're not coming back from this, I'm sorry. I hope you'll heal from this but there's nothing you can say or do to undo the damage here. What's done is done. Take care of yourself. Legal proceedings are the only thing in our future, and I'm sorry that, that has to be the case. But I'm done." | 72 | 2020-02-15T23:35:53 | My Wife threw out the flowers I got her for Valentine's Day, I destroyed her late-husband's wedding ring and messed everything up. | Relationship_Advice | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f4htj5/my_wife_threw_out_the_flowers_i_got_her_for/ | false | false | [
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f4ttsk | [removed] | 1 | 2020-02-16T17:28:44 | I just watched Brokeback Mountain with my Mom | AskGayMen | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f4ttsk/i_just_watched_brokeback_mountain_with_my_mom/ | false | false | [
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f4wyff | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskGayMen/comments/dbs6iy/i_just_watched_brokeback_mountain_with_my_mom/)
Well the Titel is self explanatory, she wanted to watch a movie with me because god knows.
I said yeah sure why not and then we looked through Netflix. We are not the kind of persons to read the little text under movies.
In Germany Brokeback Mountain has the Movie picture of a man and a Woman. I knew what Brokeback Mountain was because I heard from it. But I never watched it.
Well she wanted to watch that movie and, she is that type of person when she watches a movie she finishes it.
We watched it I was crying, she was disgusted. She knows that i am gay but she is homophobic.
After the movie she said I should go to my room now. I did, then I went down to get something to drink. I asked her something and she didn’t answer me.
This is now 5 hours ago and she still won’t talk to me. ... is this how my life is going to be. Because I just don’t want to lose friends and family. Maybe it’s the best to act straight and become straight
I am crying in my room i don’t know what to do, I don’t know what I did wrong. I am only 14
---
**Update** : I talked with my mom, she hugged me and told me that she was very scared, she doesn’t want me to end like Jake in the movie. She also told me she accepts me. ( She told me that before but it was very good to hear again )
Edit: Thank you too all of you ! I love you all and you helped me so much | 19 | 2020-02-16T20:47:31 | I watched Brokeback Mountain with my homophobic Mom | AskGayMen | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f4wyff/i_watched_brokeback_mountain_with_my_homophobic/ | false | false | [
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f5egm2 | [Original](https://ud.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9xoy6k/this_girl_early_20sf_in_is_tearing_our_dnd_group/)
My buddies and I have been playing tabletop games for a while now. A while back, I met this girl and she was funny and we got along well so I added her to the group chat we use for talking about DND and didn't think much of it. Since then however, she's become a pretty central part of our group and gets along really well with everyone and comes to every session.
She's funny and witty and cute, and everyone likes her. The thing is, she's the only girl, and we're all introverted nerds...so I'm pretty sure a lot of us have developed a crush on her. This is causing some problems in our group. I've noticed some of the guys who I consider my closest friends acting cold or shitty towards me because they think she has a crush on me and they're jealous. I'm not sure what to do, or how to address the situation without making it awkward for everyone. Any suggestions? Thanks.
...
I guess I worded the title poorly. It's really my friends that are acting like assholes to her and to me and causing drama. I feel like I'm pretty close with her and she would be receptive to me asking her out, but I don't want to ruin the group dynamic if we start dating because all of my friends have a crush on her...
I've tried to lightheartedly call them out on their BS, but it's really taking a toll on her. We text pretty regularly and she has confessed to me that she feels really sad that she thinks that Dave and Jake don't like her anymore and she doesn't know what she did wrong. I feel for her, and like I want to help her and make her feel good about herself cuz this isn't her fault at all and I really like her. Idk what to say to these guys, because they're being real assholes to her.
---
[Update](https://ud.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9yhlte/update_girl_20s_f_in_my_dnd_group_post_20s_m/)
So I wanted to thank everyone for all the great advice I got, and it led me to take some action over the weekend. So on Sunday (yesterday), I was txting with Sam and I decided to bring up and ask her how she was feeling about our gaming group. She confessed to me that she's been feeling really stressed out lately because she feels that Jake and Dave (our DM) have really been ostracizing her, because she's been getting closer to me. She told me that Dave would send her private angry or rude messages, saying mean things about me to her behind my back.
I was shocked and honestly kind of defeated to hear how these guys who I thought were my friends treated me behind my back. She said she was so cut up about this and that she didn't want to come to DND anymore because she didn't feel like it's any fun anymore, and that hurt me the most, having her lose something she loves because of some dumb guys.
So, based on the advice I got here on my last post, I did two things after getting this knowledge. I called up Dave, and told him that he either needs to grow up, and treat her with the respect she deserves, or she will leave the group. He was backpedaling, but eventually came clean that he has a thing for her as well and was just jealous of the attention I was receiving from her. He said that it's not her fault and it's not my fault and it's just something he needs to work through on his own, so at least he was able to be cognizant of that.
The second thing I did was talk to Sam frankly about us and our relationship. I told her that I really liked her, and asked her if she liked me as well, which she said she really did, and had for a while now (which made my heart want to explode out of my chest).
I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend, even with all this drama going on, and I told her that I was on her side and would support her whatever she wanted to do with our gaming group. In the end, we've decided that we are dating now and we'll both be taking a break from DND for a few sessions before we go back and tell everyone. I am just so happy to have her in my life, and if my friends can't get over the fact that we're dating, she and I will start a new DND group with people who can be adults about it.
EDIT: 1.2K?? I never expected this to blow up so much! Thank you again, everyone, for your kind words, thoughts, anecdotes, and advice. I've talked to Dave again today actually and told him that Sam and I were officially together and we want to be able to come back and play all together again, but my respect for Sam's feelings overcomes my want to continue playing with them.
Dave told me that he was really sorry for being such an ass before and that he is happy for Sam and I and doesn't want this to come between our friendship. I am hopeful that we can move past this!
Also -- to those who suggested Sam invite a female friend to our group, she reached out to one of her best friends from high school who still lives in the area, and she is interested in joining! I think Sam will feel more comfortable, and it'll take some of the spotlight off our new relationship if we invite a new player into our group. Anyway, wanted to update and thank everyone again for all your kind comments. | 25 | 2020-02-17T19:51:43 | This girl is tearing our DND group apart | Relationships | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f5egm2/this_girl_is_tearing_our_dnd_group_apart/ | false | false | [
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f5faxa | Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/egvgs0/i_23m_gained_70_pounds_and_ruined_my_relationship
I just want to start by saying I don't blame her at all, she is a great girl and I pushed our relationship to breaking point by gaining so much weight that I am no longer attractive. It's all entirely my fault so I'm not angry with her.
It's just that the frequency and increasing nastiness of her comments are starting to get to me a little. Maybe I don't have a right to feel this way, I don't know.
I gained almost 70 pounds in our 2 year relationship, mostly due to depression, drinking, and letting up on my previous strict diet. When we started dating I was fit but a bit chunky at about 190 at 5'11. I had just lost about 40 pounds.
I gained that back plus about 25lbs more during our relationship and I got to 258 lbs at 5'11 at my biggest. I have now lost 7lbs on a diet. I'm disgusting. I can't even look at myself.
She brought it up after I had gained about 20lbs, and then the comments got more frequent and now she makes probably 3+ comments/insults a day about my weight.
Here are some example things she has done or said (I know these may seem bad but I'm not trying to demonise her, she is great otherwise) :
* She refers to me as her "morbidly obese boyfriend" to her friends and anyone else behind my back. I am morbidly obese (i think?) So she's not wrong but it's very embarrassing. I guess I deserve it though.
* We had an argument (rare) where she called me "a disgusting fat pig" and said she was "counting down the days until I died of obesity" She apologised for that one and we had a good talk about things after, but she soon went back to the comments.
* She buys me clothes that are too small (she says it's not on purpose but I think it is) and then says something like "wow I can't believe you've grown out of that already!" One time she made me come with her to the shop to return a pair of jeans and swap for a bigger size. She made a massive fuss about it with the employees and basically just humiliated me in front of everyone in the store.
* She said she would only have sex with me if I lost "at least" 70 pounds. She says she can't help but find fat extremely unattractive. I do understand that and it's okay to have preferences. I'm doing my best to reach that goal, and I want to lose even more than that.
* She calls me greedy and says I have no self control. She isn't wrong, but she will make me food then if I eat it all say that i have no self control..? I never eat the full amount anymore, so I guess that tactic worked. If she makes me food I'll only eat like a quarter of it so she doesn't say anything.
I get anxiety whenever I eat in front of people now. I get like sweaty palms and think everyone is looking at me. I went out for christmas dinner with my friends and only ended up eating a few bites because I was so anxious. I know that's a good thing and I should be thanking her for that, but I don't want that anxiety to stay even when I lose weight. This isn't her fault though obviously, she is not responsible for my anxiety.
She tries to control everything I eat. I am on a diet and have lost 7lbs in the last two weeks. Not much I know, but I am going to start a water fast at the start of the new year. She didn't force me to do that, but I hate myself to the point where i would rather be dead than live in this body any longer, so I want to lose weight as quick as I possibly can.
I know it's not her fault at all, I ruined the relationship when I gained weight, not her. Her reaction is understandable, she doesn't want a fat boyfriend. It must have been frustrating to watch me gain all that weight. I feel terrible for what I've done to her.
She always says how much happier I will be if I lose weight and I know she's right.
It's just I can't help but feel hurt and almost...afraid of her sometimes? Not like actually afraid, just like afraid that I am physically repulsing her. I unconsciously suck in my stomach whenever I'm around her now. Sometimes she treats me like I'm the most disgusting thing she's ever seen. I agree that I am physically repulsive but I can't help but be hurt sometimes.
Should I just accept it? That's what I have been doing so far.
However, since I have started losing weight, is it okay to ask her to stop making comments?
---
Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/eiyhsn/update_i_24m_gained_70_pounds_and_ruined_my/
Thank you so much to everyone who commented. It helped me see my relationship in a different light, so thank you all, even the ones who said I deserved it.
The general consensus was that she was abusive which honestly shocked me at first, I really expected every comment to support how she treated me and say she was just trying to help etc.
I thought I deserved to be abused for gaining weight, I still kind of believe that, but I think most people treat their partners with kindness. I never want anyone to feel the way i did due to their partner. Also, the high stress/anxiety levels I felt constantly are pretty terrible for losing weight.
I had convinced myself that i was disgusting and undeserving of love and she was just trying to help, but I now realise she probably wasn't even trying to help me at all. It's hard to think that of her, because I love her a lot still despite her faults.
I realised there were a lot of things in our relationship that I was uncomfortable with that I felt like I could never bring up because she would get upset and start crying so I would end up comforting her, or she would just turn it on me and get angry and blame me. Things always had to go her way or she would start crying.
My girlfriend was entirely dependent on me for money and I paid for literally 95% of things. She never wanted to get a job because I paid for her. I was okay with this because i loved her and felt like i had to prove myself to be worthy of her. I paid all the rent and bills.
2 days ago (NYE) I was in our bedroom on my phone when I got a text. It was from an unknown number calling me a "fat fuck" and something about how I didn't deserve my girlfriend. This wasn't too unusual, I have been receiving abusive texts from several different random numbers for months. Mostly about my weight but also about all sorts of things.
I had several ideas of who it could be, and it was honestly eating me up inside. It was giving me extreme anxiety because they seemed to know so much about me.
A few hours later, on a whim I decided to call the number. I have done this before but it never got answered. I even spoofed my phone number and still nothing.
You can probably see where this is going. Vibration came from my girlfriends bag in the cupboard. I guess she forgot to put it on silent. It was like the biggest sinking feeling I have ever felt. She had purchased a burner phone specifically for texting me abuse. She took time out of her day just to put me down anonymously and wear me down further. She wanted me to be hurt and not trust anyone around me.
I truly never thought she was responsible for them. The thought had come into my head a couple times, but I immediately pushed it out. I didn't believe she was capable of something like that. She was always sympathetic when I got the texts and was "trying to help me found out who sent them".
It hurt so badly. I could almost forgive everything else but everyone has a breaking point.. I just feel completely worthless. How disgusting must i be if my own girlfriend wants to say these things to me.. why would she do this? I don't understand. I guess she wanted me to be under her control and even more dependent on her emotionally. I'm trying to get out of the mindset that I deserve this.
I knew I had to end it and I had to do it before she would make me change my mind. I gathered all her stuff up and put it into bags. I was getting extremely upset while doing it and almost stopped, but I was also angry. I don't really get angry, and I previously just accepted her treatment, but something in me just snapped. I was actually mad at her for once.
She was at her friend's house preparing to go out for NYE. I did feel guilty for ruining her night, but she had already ruined mine. I wanted to try and leave her in 2019 and start the new year without her.
I had to do it right then before I thought about it too much and forgave her like I did for everything else she has done. I called a locksmith to come and change the locks.
I knew she would have an extreme reaction to being broken up with (by her obese boyfriend who doesn't deserve her) no matter the circumstances anyway, so I just had to do it.
I texted her, "I found your other phone. I love you (her name) but I can't put up with this shit any more. All your stuff is in bags in the hall. Please come by and collect it tomorrow. I changed the locks so you will have to let me know when you're coming beforehand. Happy new year."
Yes...saying happy new year was a bit petty.
To say she didn't respond well to this would be an understatement. She called me crying, telling me she was sorry and would stop. She told me she was just trying to help me and that she was doing it out of love, she told me she loved me more than anything and she was so sorry... I almost believed her, but I didn't give in. I apologised to her and hung up.
She called me back 2 minutes later angry and screaming how could i dare do this to her, called me a fat disgusting piece of shit and said she never loved me. She screamed that she never wanted me and that no one ever will. She screamed that even my own family didn't care about me (this hurt because my mum was an abusive drug addict and my dad left when i was 10 and i haven't seen him since). She said that whenever we had sex she was thinking about her ex and praying for it to be over. I guess she was just trying to say anything that would hurt me.
I blocked her number. She called me back again on her friends phone screaming how dare could I block her and how dare i could leave her with no place to stay on NYE. I didn't do that, I would never leave her without a place to sleep. She could go to her parents and she has plenty money (that i gave her) so she could get a taxi and stay in a hotel if she preferred. She also said beforehand that she was staying at her friend's that night anyway.
She posted on her Instagram story that she was "heartbroken" and that her "boyfriend had left her homeless on NYE due to a little misunderstanding. After everything he put me through, he still does this. I loved him and thought he loved me, but I guess I was wrong"
I then received messages from her friends telling me I'm a horrible person and she deserves so much better than me. Her mother (unpleasant person) called me saying she was calling the police on me (??). She also brought up my weight and said that it was "laughable that i would break up with her looking the way i do" and I "would never get anyone better".
All of this was stressing me out to the extreme. I hate confrontation in any form and I think i was just constantly shaking the whole evening.
My girlfriend's friend ended up calling me on a different number and said that she and her boyfriend weren't comfortable letting my girlfriend stay over at their house anymore. They were freaked out due to my gf screaming abuse at me on the phone, and she was apparently screaming at them as well and saying she was going to kill me.
All her other friends at the house were freaked out too and she was effectively uninvited from their NYE night and they were trying to find a way to get her to leave.
I don't know where she went for a few hours but she came back to my house around 2am and started trying to kick the door in and picked up a rock and tried to smash the window (it broke the window but didn't smash all the way through). She was screaming and crying through the letter box. I ended up caving and letting her in once she calmed down somewhat, as my brother was there with me to back me up.
She was drunk and tried to attack me but I held her back. Eventually she just started crying. I felt really bad for her at this point and was almost ready to let her stay just for the night, but thankfully my brother ended up getting a taxi with her to take her to a hotel for the night.
I felt really terrible the next day. I loved her and we spent two years together. I keep wondering if she's right, that I will never find anyone again. I can't see why anyone would want me. I also feel really guilty for what I did and I was probably too harsh on her to just kick her out like that.
Her mother came to collect her stuff yesterday and started screaming at me, saying that I ruined her daughter's life etc etc. I feel really bad.
I hope she's okay and I want her to get help and realise why she treats people the way she does. I know I wasn't the first, I brushed off so many stories about her and just ignored all the signs.
With the weight loss, I am currently continuing my diet instead of water fasting like i planned. I want to try and do a sustainable diet instead of just starving myself for a month and probably gaining it back. I want to try a 7 day water fast to detox though.
I also need to stop relying on alcohol to relax in the evening, it was a big reason I gained the weight. I realised I have been consuming at least 600 calories a day in alcohol alone (3 pints of beer). I definitely used it to cope with stress and I need to develop better coping mechanisms.
I'm going to lose all the weight in 2020 and I'm also going to get into therapy so I can sort my head out, there are so many unhealthy thoughts i have and i don't think hating yourself as much as I do is normal.
I feel sad but strangely relieved and like I can actually make changes in my life without her. | 18 | 2020-02-17T20:43:23 | I gained 70 pounds. Is it okay to ask my girlfriend to stop making mean comments about it? | Relationship_Advice | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f5faxa/i_gained_70_pounds_is_it_okay_to_ask_my/ | false | false | [
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f5waqz | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/764vzw/mn_school_is_accusing_me_of_cheating_with_no/)
I'm being accused of cheating in a math exam. I am 16 years old. I got a perfect score in the exam and the teacher asked me to stay after the class and she told me that she knows I cheated. I didn't cheat. My math has always been good except last year when I was dealing with depression. She says she knows someone of my mental faculties will never be able to get a perfect score so I must have cheated.
I told her that I didn't cheat and I'm offended at the accusation. Two days ago I was asked to see the principal who said the same thing, that I should confess to cheating and tell them how I did it so that they can stop other students from doing it. He more or less threatened me "this can go very well or very bad for you depending on your cooperation with us."
I told him that I'm happy to retake a new exam right now or at any other time to prove that I didn't cheat but he said that I could have had time to prepare since the time my teacher talked to me. I told him that if their evidence for my cheating is my lack of mental faculties then no amount of studying should make a difference? He still did not agree for me to take another exam to prove that I could get that score.
Yesterday I was asked to his office again and he told me that he knows about how some students are cheating and offered me a clean slate if I let them access my social media and emails to find out who they are and if I give them evidence of other students cheating he will let me retake the exam. I have no knowledge of what he is talking about and I declined access to my social media and email.
I'm now suspended for disobedience of school staff and lack of cooperation for proving my innocence from a cheating charge. This to me sounds very unfair and I can't help but feel like I'm being targeted here for maybe a personal reason? Because this does not make any sense. They have no evidence that I cheated and refused my offer of retaking the exam and they insulted my intelligence.
---
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/78jvbq/update_mn_school_is_accusing_me_of_cheating_with/)
I did what you all told me to do. I wrote a letter, had my mom sign it and sent it to the superintendent's office. I also called them. They said they will speak with the school.
I was called into school and the principal's office and was told to take the test there in his presence. I did that, the math teacher came and looked through all my answers and said it's another perfect score and wanted to leave.
I said loudly "I think you owe me an apology."
She said "yes, I should not have accused you of cheating."
I said "Yes, and another apology for saying I don't have the mental faculties to get a perfect score."
She said "I'm sorry" and left.
The principal said "don't push your luck kid."
I said "It wasn't luck, and you also owe me an apology."
He apologized and said my suspension is reversed and it won't go in my records. I then went to the counselor and told him that now in his 24 years, there is one student who was accused of cheating and proved the teacher and administrators wrong, so he shouldn't give bad advice to the next poor student who is in my place.
So things are sorted out now. But also, I'm not going to be arrogant or aggressive like that with people. I only spoke like that with them because they have said incredibly mean and insulting things to me and I was very pissed off at them. And the counselor had given me horrible advice.
Thanks for pointing me in the right direction! | 17 | 2020-02-18T18:30:26 | School is accusing me of cheating and wants access to my social media and email to prove my innocence. | LegalAdvice | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f5waqz/school_is_accusing_me_of_cheating_and_wants/ | false | false | [
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f6cvjm | [removed] | 1 | 2020-02-19T16:11:43 | Should I pay for sex? | null | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f6cvjm/should_i_pay_for_sex/ | false | false | [
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f6etag | [Original from TIFU 'today I fucked up'](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/bpqs84/tifu_ive_branded_myself_as_the_biggest_perv_and_i/)
This happened an hour ago, and I’m still shaking in fear about how my life will now become from now on....
There’s 2 “situations” that leads to the conclusion of the FU.
First situation:
Asked sister-in-law to borrow her 360 pocket camera for a trip wife and I are soon vacationing to. Found out the memory card still had content.
Her husband travels a lot, and she made a 1-hour POV style 360 “porn” video, assuming sent to him a while back. I’ve had the hots for her for the past 8+ years.
Before she got married and I have, there were several times sexual tensions arose between the two of us. Living together for a year as strictly roommates, movies, dinners, getting drunk while watching movies just the two of us, breakfasts, etc.
A certain trust (or test?) was implemented and nothing ever happened between the two of us, as at the time I was dating my now wife which was working at a distance. But damn it at the time if she just had touched my hand once back then, I think I would have lived a whole different life.
So finding this video... I thought I struck gold, I could have what I’ve always fantasized about, “gifting my past self”, while living my happy current life.
Second accident:
I have an automated house that lights up the house with geolocation. Before the app worked with Apple HomeKit, a third party app needed to be downloaded which tracks your family and friends. Free version only allows you to add 1 person, so my wife.
Last night she fell asleep without charging her phone. I hate when she does that, today she goes to work with barely any battery, what if she needs to call the police or hospital for an emergency?
I have the day off today, today was the day I’d do the “deed”. I don’t only go with simple 360 video.... but literally set it up on my VR headset in bed with AirPods on. The whole experience. This would have lasted me tops 5 mins.
But the “foreplay” she does, is long and boring. Then the action starts and I go on. Wife’s phone didn’t give a notification as she arrived, because of her now dead phone. She comes to the bedroom to see me master bating in bed with VR goggles on. She knows I masterbate occasionally but never saw me do it, I sneak it in here and there.
But VR porn was never “discussed” as an “is it cheating if....” thing. It was the type of convo we’d have at the very start of our relationship when we were still friends 10 years ago, to see how far one could take it. Anyways, VR wasn’t a “thing” back then so was never discussed. So I never knew if it was “right” or “wrong” for me to do so. I guess it was “wrong” since she rushed in and ripped the goggles from my face. That’s when I see her in the room.
“The fuck??” she says.
Then she looks inside.
“Is that my sister?!?!”
I’m fucked.
She still had her shoes on from arriving. So she just grabbed her bag WITH the VR headset and left the house. Seeing from the tracking app... she’s at her parents house.... which are neighbours of the sister-in-law.
I’m fucked.
---
**UPDATE:**
So basically... after posting... after feeling a “bit” better by “telling someone” and having a bit of weight off my shoulders... I was pacing around the apartment while trying to give her calls after calls but it kept saying her phone was busy...
This went on for 45 mins, or forever, couldn’t focus on the time. All of a sudden the sister-in-law calls. I ignored... I was way too scared to face this. She called 5 times in a row while I just watched it ringing, then she gave up. Then just a text saying “Call me”. I left the apartment and decided to go watch a movie at the theatre, needed to get distracted, which didn’t help as I didn’t focus once on Detective Pikachu. I received a call from my wife during the movie but I ignored. She knows I have an Apple Watch and I receive all notifications, so she knows I was ignoring. She only called once. Sister-in-law 3 more times during the movie. I left the theatre and decided to go back home....
On the drive back I received notification she arrived home. Now I was petrified... but my out of body experience just told me “fuck it, suck it up. Just get it over with it”
Arrived home... was getting ready for the shit storm about to happen. That out of body experience came back really quickly to reality as I got to the door and then had that fear again... I know she got notification I was back.... I get in the house, and both wife and sister-in-law are in the living-room on the couch. I didn’t say anything. Wanted one of them to speak first. What if I said “sorry” but there was nothing to be “sorry” about? At this point I was trying to gauge the mood. I’m not for confrontations or leading conversations, I’m very introverted. But I know I should be the first to say “sorry”.... but didn’t know how. Wife then says “I spoke to sister-in-law about what happened. She knows.”
Fucked up in the head of a me, out of reflex says “knows what?”
She says “don’t lie, the video”.
I was red flushed I’m sure. My heart was beating so fast. Then wife said she has deleted the video.
This is when I apologized to both of them... so very very much. Almost crying. I saw all the Reddit comments about divorce and all, and I was really upset at myself, but deserved it, but not.... but yes... but no.... Then sister-in-law speaks... she says “you do understand this video wasn’t for you”, then she goes on for 10 minutes to tell me what I already know. I was wrong. I kept nodding.
But then this drama comes out that fucked with me, she said that it wasn’t for her husband neither. He’s been constantly traveling to Bulgaria voluntarily at any chance he could for work, but also through the years he’s been having an affair with a colleague there which works at that branch. She knew for a while and let it slide as he was still providing for sister-in-law. But the providing became less and less, wife knew too about this as she and her sister are so close, but the info was kept within the family to avoid dishonor. This is a big eastern mentality to have... and it’s not the first time family info was kept secret from me. But now they told me because of the circumstance, I was told NOT to apologize or speak to her husband as he does not know about this video.
Sister-in-law is seeing someone else, her husband and her both live as roommates “for now”. The divorce word can never go out, but she’s found someone long-distance and that video was for HIM. The reasons for all the calls was to not mention anything to her husband, sister-in-law feared that if I did, then this video would have been proof held during divorce process as if SHE was at fault.
It was a very emotional afternoon... I felt like throwing up many times. The focus was more on sister-in-law and her life though, and her shame for having kept her relationship going as long as it has, the guy is barely leaving any money on the side for her anymore so she’s been sleeping more and more at her parents house.
Me obtaining the video didn’t come up more than once. I don’t know if it was because it was too embarrassing for everyone or what. But it will come up another day for sure... maybe after everyone has relaxed and tears dried. I’ll have an honest conversation with my wife about my wrong doings and also include if VR porn is fine or not.
For tonight, my wife invited sister-in-law to stay and sleep-over. We got some food and drank a few bottles of wine to make us forget a bit, although it felt awkward as fuck. Sister-in-law seemed to be feeling better... she was smiling and laughing and slapping my shoulder or kicking me under the table every time I made a joke. She seemed more open with me now I was one of the people to know her secret, she could trust and talk to if she needs. We will all 3 sleep in sleeping bags in the living-room like camping to keep her company during this tough time for her. Wife seemed ok for now too.
---
[FINAL UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/bpr2iy/tifu_i_have_officially_branded_myself_as_the/)
This is his now ex-wife.
Did he not realize, or too dumb to remember we share everything, including the same Reddit app? I logged on to see this throwaway as the default login account.
I’ve removed all of this personal story for my family’s protection and changed this account’s password. Although it might be too late and already circulated online.
I took a look through the comments and was seriously disgusted by most of the responses suggesting to sexually approach both of us last night. Which my sister did mention he tried something in the middle of the night, this guy is incredibly living in another world!
I’m only posting this to reassure everyone thinking he got away with it, that these types of scumbags DO NOT.
I came home yesterday with my sister to pack my shit. I saw his update saying I seemed alright, but I was keeping it in for the next morning.
Reason we slept in the living-room is because I didn’t want him to see my bags in the corner of the bedroom, he came home suddenly before I finished packing. It wasn’t “fun camping” or a “picnic”.
This morning, before he woke-up, we grabbed the rest of my stuff and left.
I went to the bank and froze our joint account before he irresponsibly starts taking cash out.
I’m not seeing him anymore, going to lawyer up, give away all this Reddit gold to the comments that I feel were actually reasonable, and divorce his ass.
Oh, and if you can read this, I’ve deleted the tracking app ;) my lawyer will call you to unfreeze your share and take the steps to unlink me from any other tracking apps you might have on me. | 28 | 2020-02-19T18:18:08 | [LONG] I’ve branded myself as the biggest perv and I deserve it + Update from wife | TIFU | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f6etag/long_ive_branded_myself_as_the_biggest_perv_and_i/ | false | false | [
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