text
stringlengths 0
36.4k
|
---|
CHORUS: Gonna chase myself through hell.
A person labelled me is being chased by me also, with burning fires in the background. |
Listing the qualities of a good leader, including:
smart
dumb
cool
good
bad
lazy
inquisitive
nice |
CHORUS: David Letterman
CHORUS: David Letterman
DAVID LETTERMAN: Thank you. Thank you so much. |
party horn blows
Just wanna do something reasonable
party horn rolls back |
A loaf of fresh bread is dropped on the floor
Bread. |
Shows the text improv lessons with bill wurtz and aug 8,2008
CHORUS: Im in the middle of a bed, bath and beyond |
Shows the title of the video how not to make a video.
panic & die flashes on the screen. |
Diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle...
...diddle |
Shows 15 turkeys, stacking on top of each other and placed from the bottom right to the top centre.
CHORUS: Thats too many turkeys. |
Just wanna make longer videos
Ones that last
A really really long time
Just wanna make stronger videos
Online
On Vine |
Got to know just
What Im doing with my life |
NARRATOR: Im different
CHORUS: Im different
NARRATOR: No, Im the same
CHORUS: Im the same |
CHORUS: Lets watch some television.
Bill Wurtz watches a turned-off television, telling the viewer watching television... while holding a thumbs-up on the right hand.
Bill grabs a red cup from a table using his left hand and drinks it, then puts the cup back on the table. |
Shows the video tile word unscramble.
Asks the viewer whether they can unscramble the letters JOY.
Shows the text answer next week!. |
Time to rearrange my world |
NARRATOR: Oh hi, I am a paperclip.
A red paperclip shakes vigorously.
NARRATOR: Was I too loud? |
Its not Christmas |
Its OK to have feelings |
Drink coke! |
CHORUS: I know of a cool place to go.
A mouse cursor furiously clicks a button with a red arrow pointing left
NARRATOR: Left. Try going left. |
smiling techniques is shown on a black background, with the smiling and no emotion emoticons switching repeatedly.
CHORUS: Step one is to pretend that youre happy. |
Shows the word ideas.
Shows the text you can have them, today as the music plays. |
BILL WURTZ: You guys, I dont think I am doing a video today. Umm, Im not- Im not doing a fuckin video today. Sorry.
CHORUS: Im not doing a fuckin video today. Sorry. |
Space toast |
Shows the video title fan mail with a cartoon white envelope in the background.
The letters reads:
dear bill wurtz,
you suck. random does not equal funny.
BILL WURTZ: What about cardboard, is that funny?
Creates a table to distinguish items that are funny or not funny, the funny side includes:
cats
larger cats
good catch phrases
donald trump
, while the not funny side includes:
diamonds
isis
overdue library books
cardboard |
Do you ever get tired of yourself?
Shows five options with the same description of tired of self. The narrator checks all checkboxes since all options apply |
Shows the video title cool ideas.
BILL WURTZ: Im gonna learn subtraction.
Numbers going down from 73 to 54.
cool idea! moves with the downwards jingle tune. |
Shows the video title cricket amplification.
A cricket is connected to a Marshall amplifier via a blue audio cable. The cricket chirps rhythmically, while the amplifier becomes red and shake vigorously whenever the noise was made. |
Shows the title of the video graveyard analysis’ with a blackened cartoon representation of a graveyard.
CHORUS: Theyre dark and bad.
Gives thanks to the audiences graveyard experts, including ’jonald coaxfelt, annie nonfrannie, jeremy davies, egbert camboltf, ’josh henried’ and bowser’. |
Shows the text q&a with a no signal beep.
NARRATOR: Are you gonna sing every day?
NARRATOR: No.
CHORUS: Maybe. |
Shows the viewer the question have you ever dreamed of getting Signed to a Record Label?
NARRATOR: No.
Lists out the benefits of a Major Recording Contract, including:
-nothing
-nothing
-nothing
-nothing
-nothing
-nothing
-we will press upload for you! |
Dont talk to me |
This is where I make my things
Nearw na nearw nearw nearw |
BILL WURTZ: Thursday jingly thing. Yay. |
Shows the video title how to do more things.
Answers with do a thing in blue text, then spams do another thing in green text on the screen. |
Music makes me feel so interesting |
Shows the video title fun game.
Asks the viewer which box is the right box?, the drops four boxes coloured red, blue, green and yellow, listed from left to right.
The boxes are shuffled, while the yellow box is enlarged and indicated as the right box as this one. the yellow one.
Apologize to the viewer with the text sorry if you chose the wrong box. |
Whatever |
CHORUS: Math.
A scientific calculator from Texas Instruments slides in the screen, with text Math. its a subject you can learn. |
Tells the viewer this is the dot video.
Shows a red dot.
Shows the text thank you for w-, then a giant red dot appears and creates a low-frequency buzzing noise. |
Im writing a letter to you on my floor |
Shows the video title a neat thing to do in your spare time:.
NARRATOR: Realize stuff.
Lists out things you can realize, including:
your name
your age
your height
the meaning of life
the meaning of oysters/clams |
Repeats a sunrise on a cyan sky and a blackened sky sequence for 25 times. |
Gonna write bad bad songs
Til I ruin someones day |
Cho:
How come theres no place like home
Place like home
Place like home
How come theres no place like home
Place like home?
How come theres no place like home
Place like home
Place like home
How come theres no place like home
That i know?
There aint no place, no place like home
There aint no place like home
There aint no place, no place like home
There aint no place like home |
NARRATOR: knock knock
NARRATOR: whos there?
NARRATOR: the News
Plays news footage from a Swedeen broadcaster SVT2 on a very small monitor. |
Guess Ill stare at the wall |
An instrumental cover of The King Cole Trios Gee, Baby, Aint I Good to You plays in the background, while the Declaration of Independence is recited on top of a USA flag. |
Just wish i could make some music |
Shows the video title Big Dreams and goals.
BILL WURTZ: Get friends.
Shows a line graph titled friend tracker, with the number of friends increasing from 1 to 2 during 2011-2012, then gradually decreases to 0 friends in 2015. Oppose to the past line graph displayed in red, the projected blue line shows a linear rapid increase of friends, that the final amount cannot be determined. |
Shows the video title word unscramble, while last weeks answer OYJ is shown on the top left.
Asks the viewer whether they can unscramble the letters MARK TWAIN.
The letters unscramble to WINK AT ARM, followed by Bill Wurtz winking at his right arm. |
Tells the viewer thanks for coming to YouTube!!
Lists what the viewer can find on YouTube, including
planes
dogs
cats
flowers
shields
corporate take overs
happiness
sadness
joy
this video < ---- you are watching it right now
Tells the viewer and many more things. have a good week. |
Listing out birthday ideas, including have a birthday, do not have a birthday, have a friends birthday, have a major anxiety episode instead of a birthday, start a non-profit organization to donate birthdays to people in countries where people are not allowed to have birthdays and melt your birthday. |
CHORUS: Take a video of the ceiling
NARRATOR: Oops, I had the camera pointing the wrong way. |
This tree is green |
Fell in love on the Q train
Fell in love on the Q train |
Shows the text frequently asked questions.
NARRATOR: What time is it?
CHORUS: Time to be a generous and really nice person. |
Shows the title of the video nap time.
Shows a recording of Bill Wurtz napping on his synthesizer while sitting on an office chair. |
Flunk the world |
Got to make things real |
Shows a drawn house on the left. The text housing building checklist: is displayed on the top. A flashing box showing last weeks questions answers with the list:
1. fuck
2. heck, what the darn
3. i dont
4. what the hell
5. what the fuck
6. how is
Displays the checklist, including build a house, build more houses , take some naps, borrow a fridge, go to a festival and rent a pond.
Shows a person doing skateboard tricks. |
Shows the title of the video stop sign analysis, with a stop sign moving in the background.
NARRATOR: Its, uh, pretty tall. |
Colonization |
Shows the text music school and lesson 4 respectively.
Plays the chord D, with Wurtz playing the respective chord on a synthesizer and the respective notes on a staff, at the same time. |
Shows the videos title word unscramble.
Asks the viewer whether they can unscramble the letters FUCK YOU GEOFFREY.
The letters unscramble to CUE OFF KEY FURY, GO!, then a dissonant rhythm is played repeatedly. |
Shows the video title Monday reasons i didnt do a monday video for the last 11 mondays.
Lists out the reasons, including:
1. i was at the post office
2. i was dead
3. i was stupid
4. i was bees
5. i ran for president
6. i accidentally uploaded them to a different website which doesnt exist
7. i was watching home improvement
8. i thought it was tuesday this entire time |
A green button is situated at the centre of a cyan background. The words dont worry flashes first, then its fine flashes. |
Shows the text pop quiz, and asks the viewer is it possible to be dumb and smart at the same time?
Answers no. |
Got a home by the bay
Then I sold it
To my cat |
Shows a diagram of the ocean, represented by a blue space occupying most of the screen, then label it as ocean. |
Shows the video title monday good firetruck.
Shows a badly drawn firetruck, while stating that this is a good fire truck. i hope you-; i think its pretty good. |
Shows the video title intelligence test for rocks., with a rock below the text.
Asks the rock what is you best advice for Love and Relationships?, the rock doesnt respond, therefore determining that the rock is intelligent. |
Shows the texts trivia and is this a vid?
Answers no. |
Gonna print out my feelings
A sheet of paper with the texts i feel vmnw948cmgh48 and no actually i feel ok is printed out. |
Im gonna iron my shoes |
Where does the railroad go? |
Yeah
This is a studio in Metropolitan Avenue, at Lorimer Street
Yeah, sunny day
Well, I got three months to write a song, to write a song for you
And Im gonna take my time and say exactly what I mean
Damn, seems like writing songs is a lot like being in prison
And I realize that the only one who put me there is me, yeah
Got to break free, I need to break free
But I only changed my mind again and then Im left behind
Oh, I wish that I could make up my mind again this time
But my brain is still in black and white
Oh, I think I used this melody one thousand times before
And the worst part is that Im not sure if Im the one who wrote it
Probably stole it from some song my mommy used to sing me
Maybe its just something off the radio or TV
I got to break free, I need to break free
Cause I cannot take the pain of being locked up this way
One day youll find me in paradise, Ill be saying what I need to say
One more time, alright
Say anything you want, to do anything you need
Say what you mean, do what you mean
Oh, please, please, please
Got to break free
Ive so got to breathe, but I always lose my mind
And then Im standing inline
I cant remember the last time I truly said what was on my mind
And I dont mean to waste your time
I wish that I could truly break free some time
But freedom is hard to find
Freedoms hard to find
Baby, Im trying
Baby, I think Im dying |
Im gonna figure out what everything means |
A stop sign is situated at the centre of a yellow background, with the words worry flashes on the sign. |
Shows the video title how to ask a question. |
Shows the video tile word unscramble 5, while the text is also being scrambled.
Asks the question can you unscramble the following letters?, then shows the sentence IM NOT A CRY BABY.
The letters are unscrambled as MY RAINY BOBCAT, with a cat in the rain in the background. |
Shows the video title word unscramble with random sentences of letters in the background.
Asks the viewer whether they can unscramble the letters GOOD CONTENT.
The letters unscramble into NON-DOG OCTET.
The octet plays their clarinet and produce a rhythm. |
Good morning |
biscuit challenge flashes on the screen
Shows a picture of a biscuit, while the question is this a biscuit? is asked above the biscuit.
Shows the text answer next week. |
Electricity makes things turn on |
A cartoon phone rings for 24 times. |
Asks the viewer what is the best place to have breakfast?
BILL WURTZ: I think in the street, probably.
Reminds the viewer safety first: watch out for other people eating other meals in the street. |
Im alone in the universe |