Datasets:

jquiros

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suicide

like 6

Definitely think it's time.I have been fighting this for so fucking long. I keep thinking I'm finding these pockets of happiness, but I am so fucking stupid. Reached out for therapy help over the last few weeks and it is fruitless. Even therapists don't want to put up with my bullshit. I genuinely can't do this anymore. I am so lost and so sad.

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I think I just made suicidal gesture?Okay, So I'm in grad school and it really sucks. I'm really not into the idea of going into academia, but I don't want to quit, I love my discipline and, let's be real, I have nothing else going for me. That said, I can't stand my peers or the faculty, I feel like an idiot most of the time and I cannot get excited about the prospect of taking this any further, given the cost. I got into a language program that would be great for my CV, but financially speaking, I just can't afford to support myself through the summer. Outside of loans I'm on a shoe string budget as it is and this would ruin what little of my own money I have left. I tell my adviser this and she tells me in so many words that if I don't do this, I will not get my degree. My adviser has been really absent through the degree process and hearing this is really disillusioning. I have no clue what to do. I don't want to give up my degree, but I really, really HATE my program. If I stay, I'll be miserable, if I go, I'll hate myself for quitting. I know what your thinking, but transferring in grad school is easier said than done. Last night, I got into a really big argument with my parents. It wasn't so much about what decision I was going to make and more about the fact that I need to lighten the fuck up and take responsibility for myself. A few hours later, after I got done studying, I was really upset. I was thinking that I had made an irreparable mess out of this situation and that there was no way out of it. So, I took my belt off, fastened it around my neck, tied it to a rack in my closet, not one high enough off the ground to hang myself and just sat there. I considered tightening the belt enough to try to cut off circulation to my head, but either I didn't think it would work or I chickened out. I don't really know which it was. I took it off and just went to bed. So, I guess my question is, did I just make a suicidal gesture and what should I do about it? I don't want my parents to worry about me/I don't want to deal the embarassment of any potential fallout from telling anyone about the situation. But, I also don't think this is something I should brush under the rug.

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Please just let it be overAlright time to vent because I’ve been bottling shit up for weeks and I have no one that I trust in my life to talk about at least not anymore. If you’re here for coherent thought probably not going to find it here. I seriously don’t even know what I’m doing anymore I’ve been scraping through university I actually have more fails then passes at this point and I’m in my second year. Pretty sure I’ve failed every subject this semester and I didn’t need to. But I can’t help myself I’m self-sabotaging I destroy my life every single fucking time I get it back on track…. Every time. Finally got a great bunch of friends is that what you called them? I think more of them are acquaintances. The one friend I thought would have my back when shit got rough didn’t well no surprise there so much for equality. If she has a problem I was always there for her to talk to but when I’m spiralling into a dark place is she ever there for me? No of course not why would she be I’m obviously not worth the time so fuck her and her friendship. I’m your close friend when I need support but if you need it I’m not even going to try and talk to you. Seriously fuck friendships I’m so done. So I’ll probably fail this course no surprise I don’t really have the personal aptitude for university or this career path but then what sure failing university isn’t the end of the world but I think it should be at least for me. The thought of existence without purpose drives me crazy if I fail what am I supposed to do? Go find some shitty as job so I can pay bills to live a mundane existence alone? Why fucking bother I’d rather just go kill myself and if it comes that point I think I might actually have the balls to pull it off. I’ve always been a coward because there’s always some glimmer of hope but fuck it I don’t care anymore everything I do is pointless. I just spent two weeks ignoring the world and now I’ve re-emerged I know every I knew thinks of me differently. They don’t know what it’s like judgemental ass-holes getting everything in life handed to them on a silver platter. I just want it to end this life of mine its not worth enduring any longer all is for naught.

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Valentine's day is coming soon so do you have a valentine yet? Not me I don't have friends :(

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Had enoughAs soon as I think I am doing OK, someone or something will do or say something and I go back to feeling like a piece of shit again. I wish I could die where it looks natural so I wouldn't have to hurt my family

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I need reason to livei have none. every day gets worse. i just want it all to end. i feel like my boyfriend doesn’t love me and i dont have any friends. i constantly feel like a bother, and everyone just tears me down. im done. i just wanna snap and be gone. im so tired of fighting and battling. i hate being alive.

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Most days my brain is just silently AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIt's like this indescribable emotional pain mixed with an intense, almost overwhelming desire for life to end all resulting in a feeling as if there's a corner of my brain just screaming endlessly. **TL;DR** **Shoutout to everyone here trying to get on with life with a brain that wants to die** Posting here because I can't act anymore. I can't pretend that everything is okay. I've gained 6kg in a week from eating rubbish which is super yuck, but I also don't care because my brain has been swamped by intense suicidal ideation and if I'm not sufficiently distracted the thoughts about suicide come back in like BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM just drowning out everything else. I think about self harming a lot. I mean, not only suicide but other forms of physical pain. But then I remember I've got way too many scars already and additional scars and a high pain tolerance doesn't change anything. I don't have a good reason to want to die. There's no major crisis. The relationship breakdown was over 4 months ago and I'm mostly over that. I have enough money for everything I essentially need. Sure, I'll probably need several more major operations because genetics suck, and I'll definitely need a double mastectomy at some point because cancer risk, but that's not it either. It's not even the fact that I have about three friends, and the last time I hung out with a friend was in February - because, at the moment.people are too exhausting for me to want to have any interaction with. I don't want anything to do with anyone right now. I can't pretend to not be depressed when I'm around other people anymore. It takes all of my energy to pretend to be normal and smile and laugh at work, and I know I don't do a very good job at that as it is. It's not really any of that. I just don't care anymore. About any of it. Any of life. I am amazed I have been together enough to do things like shower and brush my teeth and pay bills and work 3 days a week. Do look pale and run down as shit though. Going through the motions, I guess, while my brain is screaming I want to die all the while. It's gotten to the point where I'm thinking about suicide all day, every day. I suspect it's the general anaesthetic I had from a colonoscopy in May sending me off the deep end into post-operative depression, but also the general state of the world. Now, I know if I stopped eating crap and did more exercise and got more sunshine and made more of an effort to be social I'd probably feel better. But it also gets to a point where you cannot bring yourself to do any of that, because just getting dressed and maintaining basic personal hygiene is a mammoth achievement. So, I am going to my GP on Monday to ask to go back on antidepressants. It might be a complete waste of time and money, as it has been in the past, but I can't help hoping that this time will be different, that this time maybe we'll try a different drug that might actually give me the capacity to overcome the intrusive suicidal thoughts and do the exercise and the things I know I need to do for wellbeing. Also going to see the psychologist on Monday. It's been difficult to get an appointment (a) because it's bloody expensive and (b) because a huge chunk of the general population are under huge stresses so she's super busy and hard to get into. I'm hoping I have the money to continue to see her because she's the best psychologist I have ever seen. I haven't kept it up because of financial stress, and my mental health has suffered as a result. But I think this time I should be able to stick with it for a while. It's been hard because the depression has screwed with my cognitive function and sleep again too. I can't concentrate for more than 2 seconds. I'm agitated and drowning in anxiety all the time. I go to sleep late and wake up early whether I like it or not. I can't remember anything and everything takes me ten times longer to process or understand than usual, and I constantly feel as dumb as a rock. I wasn't entirely honest with my doctor last time I went because I didn't want to be on antidepressants again, and I sure as hell didn't want to run the risk of being put in a mental hospital again. But at the moment it's gotten to the point where I just don't care about anything anymore, so might as well be totally upfront. I think I'm too lazy to actually kill myself. Having been there and tried that more than once, getting it right takes a lot of planning and organising and logistics I just don't have the energy for. Especially because were I to go through with one of the plans for suicide I have, I don't want to leave all my stuff just around for my family to deal with. I'd need to sort out my belongings and affairs etc etc etc and make sure I had enough money to cover any potential funeral or medical expenses if I fucked it up. And that's the nub of it. Human beings are both incredibly resilient and incredibly fragile creatures. I think what keeps me going at times like these is that I know if I failed suicide where I was left half brain dead and still aware, that that would be a fate far worse than this. My life could be 100,000x worse than it currently is, no doubt. But knowing that doesn't change that incessant suicidal impulse blamming it's way across my brain. I just wanted to put this out there because I needed to tell someone how I feel right now with completely honesty. And maybe someone else will resonate with how I feel right now and it might help them feel they're not alone.

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Im sorryIm sorry, mum and dad, that i am a worthless resource consuming uncompetitive unemployable slob who stays glued to a screen. I have tried, I really want to keep you happy but im unable to. I deserve all the comments you give me. Im sorry, grandma, that i didnt call you everyday, i really cared despite me not calling, I wish my oblivious nature didnt make me not call you everyday. Im sorry, cb yr sas asg pv my friends, that i was a depressing cynical uninteresting pessimist who ruined your everyday and dragged you down. I definitely deserved to be abandoned, any other person wouldnt have given me two days but im happy i got to have your company for as long as i had. Im sorry, [octopusnado](https://www.reddit.com/u/octopusnado/) [JennyLynnP](https://www.reddit.com/u/JennyLynnP/) [littlesoggyfry](https://www.reddit.com/u/littlesoggyfry/) [crediblemayonnaise](https://www.reddit.com/u/crediblemayonnaise/) [calam\_n\_fish](https://www.reddit.com/u/calam_n_fish/) [sunset107](https://www.reddit.com/u/sunset107/) [mrsqueegyohmymuffins](https://www.reddit.com/u/mrsqueegyohmymuffins/) [Numaninteen97](https://www.reddit.com/u/Numaninteen97/) [TheCallofTheCrow](https://www.reddit.com/u/TheCallofTheCrow/) [elmoisaclown](https://www.reddit.com/u/elmoisaclown/) [happystrawberry401](https://www.reddit.com/u/happystrawberry401/) [bfrost21](https://www.reddit.com/u/bfrost21/) [wishee490](https://www.reddit.com/u/wishee490/) [dghnyldz](https://www.reddit.com/u/dghnyldz/) [heyjudeheyjude](https://www.reddit.com/u/heyjudeheyjude/) [delfie\_](https://www.reddit.com/u/delfie_/) [easy-111](https://www.reddit.com/u/easy-111/) and everyone else, that i acted like a degenerate without a soul, that i let my insecure self ruin all your lives because i thought my presence/absence didnt matter to any of you. Im truly sorry, that day I sold my soul, I ruined your lives and mine in the process. I deserve all the ignorance and disgust leveled at me. Im sorry, gsn, that such an ugly pathetic shit like me fell in love with you dragging your worth down in the process. I shouldnt have but i couldnt help it. Im sorry, [flawmyy](https://www.reddit.com/u/flawmyy/), for asking such a sick degenerate question in a stupid attempt to help Im sorry, Oliver Thorn, that i wasted your efforts to help. Im just not worth saving, its my time to blast off Im sorry, God, that I cannot live with my mistakes, I cannot live knowing the existence of people who do not want me anymore, I cannot be happy anymore and I cannot be a good human being Im sorry, body, that i abuse you by sitting all day staring at a computer screen damaging my eyes my gut and my brain. I dont have the strength to deal with my conscience and need something to distract me from it Im sorry, to everyone reading this, that im giving up. I cant live with myself anymore, my problems are too much for me to handle, I cant live knowing i made so many mistakes, I cant live knowing i ruined peoples lives, I cant live knowing people i love and value do not love and value me, I cant live consuming resources without contributing something of value to this world, I cant live when im dead inside. I cant live anymore but you can, you can change everything in your life, you can change. I cannot change things which i want changed but are beyond my control. I know this will seem very stereotypical but as a person who has suffered with the disease of a painful life I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL, I do I really do, but you can make it. So dont give up like i did, you can do it. Goodbye

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I can feel it creeping in againIt frustrates me. I fill my days with distraction after coping mechanism after distraction. Nothing works. I still find myself staring at my ceiling wishing to try it once more. *Maybe this time you'll get it right.* I'm sickly excited at the thought of trying it again.

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Eyyy, I’m playing Minecraft right now, and I just made a pretty dope diamond pickaxe! Fortune III, unbreaking III, and efficiency IV. Can I use any more enchantments on it? Pretty bad at enchanting haha.

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hey music question for anyone who knows anything abt latin american music/rhythms so i really like the beat and the rhythm of Body Language (Intro) by Kali Uchis. i know it's not bossa nova but i don't know what style of music it is. i really like it though and i'd love to find more like it, so if anyone has any recommendations or anything, please tell me!!

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Lots of teens are considered edgy But most of the posts that make it to hot are wholesome

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I hate emily in paris Ew Anyways im gonna go outside of my comfort zone and call my old friend tmrw hopefully its not horribly awkward 😊 God 6th grade me was SO MUCH cooler than i am now Manifesting that personality back u feel

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Work pressure and mental tormentHello to all, I struggled with suicidal thoughts throughout my entire college years. I studied medicine in Germany and work as junior cardiologist in a challenging top tier university research hospital here in Germany. I am getting bullied by my colleagues and mentally tormented. I failed at many research projects and get bullied heavily because of this. I am 26, have no social interactions besides going to work and the gym. I have no friends, never had a girlfriend or any kind of physical contact to the opposite sex. The worst part is my work and all my failed projects. I just do not enjoy life. I know that many people here are in worse and more precarious situations, but I do not want to exist. I hate every moment. The only reason why I am living is my family and brother. I do not want them to feel sad when I die. I just do not want to exist, because I hate life and my existence itself.

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Name suggestions I need a 4-5 letter name for youtube and fortnite that isn’t taken any suggestions?

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i feel bad when peopke i used to talk to dm me, because like i dont remember most of them bruh momentum

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Feel like i dont wanna go on anymoreI like to do art, music, and all and those keep me alive. But what hurts most is being so down to the point where i couldnt Even do those things anymore. I feel trapped and shit. I know its mostly mental but i feel like shit. I feel unhealthy, even slowly developing shitty habits. I dont eat like I used to and I havent been genuinely happy in such a long time. I wanna quit school for my health but i cant so that adds to my pain. I dont have much peoppe to talk to because i say the same shit over again and no matter how many times i try to get better i keep falling apart. Im just so sick and tired. I have genuine intentions, i have been trying my best to become a better person to at least make people smile but in the end depression is too overwhelming. I feel like i have nothing. I feel like my parents dont understand though i know they want the best for me. Its just crazy. I feel like im going crazy too. Its been a long ride and i really feel like giving up. I know it's a cowardly thing to say to some but im human after all. Maybe my dreams were too great for my situation. Ive had so many traumatizing experiences and nobody i know really relates. It just sucks. I dont know how to keep going anymore

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"Suicide is selfish", "permanent solution to a temporary problem". Bullshit.I have heard these for years. It drives me fucking insane. I find it amazing people don't see the blatant hypocrisy. They think it is selfish for someone to kill themselves, and put their family through pain. But somehow, they don't see it as selfish that they expect someone who is suffering to keep living so that their family or friends don't have to suffer through the loss. Like really, as if it is isn't enough of a shitty deal to be depressed and suicidal, they have to stick you with the guilt of being selfish for wanting to just be done with it all. Unreal. And I'm the selfish one? Oh, and my other favorite. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Yeah, ok. Spoken like someone who has no idea what chronic depression is like. There is nothing temporary about it. It is forever. You might get some brief breaks from it, but it's never gone for good.

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I can’t cope anymoreI honestly cannot cope anymore Iv completely given up on life. The desire to kill Myself is unbearable at this point. I just want to get it over with but I’m so scared FUCKKKKKKK! Wow that’s was pathetic I’m sorry ☹️

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if being sexy is a crime.. you are all under arrest. you thought this was going to be another overused joke, didn’t you?

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i just deleted the instagram shaderoom acc for my school had to delete it because it was exposing people and there was some petty ass drama happening. ppl are trying to figure out who ran it. If I say sum I’ll get jumped or expelled for sure

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has anyone seen my shoe? i lost my shoe

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The inertia's finally running outI've spent the last 2 or so years suppressing my desire to kill myself, to finally die and not have to deal with any of this shit anymore, and I don't even know why. I don't know why I've kept going until this point, other than the fact that I'm too poor to buy a gun. I dream about it. I fantasize about it. It's the only remaining thing I have to look forward to- my job is a dead end, I'm not going to college, I have no real friends, nothing to make me want to stick around. I'm beyond the point where this is just a quick escape from a bad situation- my life has been shitty and pointless for years now and I'm sick of coasting along just because I can't bring myself to do anything else. I'm unwilling to put the time and effort into spending years in college to maybe change something, or to try and find a new shitty job that pays just as little that amounts to nothing more than a change of scenery, or to find someone to talk to about this to try and hear them explain why my life is a precious thing I shouldn't waste or some shit like that. I'm just sick of this. There is not a single aspect of my life that appeals to me in any way any longer, and I'm tired of staying in a world I don't want to be part of just because it's expected of me. I just want to end this, I've dragged it out long enough already. I don't stand to gain anything by continuing in this grain, all that'll happen is I'll just postpone it even longer. Hell, I don't even know why I'm bothering to post this, because at the end of the day I'm just gonna force myself to go to work in a few hours like nothing's wrong, then come home to dream about finding a loaded gun again. I don't want to be talked out of it, I don't have any way to do it in the first place. I guess I'm just doing this because this is the kind of thing suicidal people are supposed to do. I genuinely don't care if any of you are interested in trying to talk me out of this, I just feel like saying shit that there's no way I could say under my real name.

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Anyone else see that reality reddit series post? Lmao was funny asf, but I lowkey wanna see it play out

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I don't know how to carry on right nowIm 29, living in the UK. A small background of my health conditions, just to give some context: - bipolar disorder type 2 - severe anxiety - obsessive compulsive disorder (which I'll explain a little) - emotionally unstable personality disorder - hyper mobility syndrome - ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) My diagnoses mean that I really don't and cannot function normally. I did for so long, forcing everything into a bulging box, taping it shut and hiding it under the bed. Then I got made redundant from a job that I enjoyed and was good at. Very good at. It was a call centre admittedly, but I really enjoyed it. I made some brilliant friends, including someone that ended up being my best man and I really do consider him a very good friend. Through him, I have met other friends, plus someone who understands the shit that I am going through. I ended up having to take a job that sucked. A lot. It was the beginning of the opening of that box. It was slowly being pulled out from under the bed. I was treated like shit. I had no sick pay, so when I needed the time off when I was having a bad MH day, I was financially fucked. I was working full time, looking after my wife and we struggled a lot. Not as bad as some, but my god it was hard. The job was complicated and my MH (which we later worked out was my ADHD) just compounded matters greatly. I ended up getting another job! HUZZAH! It was in insurance which is something that I had done at my old job. Private office. Nice little family run business. Annnnnnnnnnnd that's where we hit the snag. I wasn't very good. I wasn't expecting myself to hit the floor running, but I hit the floor. Hard. I wasn't worried though, I thought that I would be at least given training. Which I really wasn't. In anyway. But, I soldiered on for four days, getting up a lot earlier than I normally would have, mental health be damned. The pay was so much better, no shift work and I could get a bus all the way home, meaning that no busy town, no social interactions, just iPod and a quiet journey home. Then, four days in, the recruitment agency that contacted me initially called. I was on the bus, leaving town as I had to collect a parcel from one of those amazon thingies, as I live in a flat and my wife's mobility isn't great, and this was a iPhone, so I wanted a secure place for it to go. I updated my facebook status "New job, new me, new beginnings. Let's do this and let's get life back to what it should be! - feeling positive." I got on the bus and my phone rang. It was the recruiter and they had some concerns about my working there. The owner wasn't happy that I was asking questions and that I wasn't as good as they expected. Don't bother going back. My heart stopped, and I just didn't know what to do. I started to cry, but realised as a grown man, I had to hold it together on the bus. I started to catastrophise, terrified I was going to lose my house, my bills weren't going to get paid etc etc. Then there was my wife?! What was I supposed to do? I got home and tried to be pragmatic, I applied for disability, I couldn't cope with the prospect of looking for a job in anyway as I knew the box had been ripped open and all manners of hell had been unleashed. Pandora had walked off with the proverbial butterfly that signified hope. She had walked off, crushing it in her palm. Disability came through and I was ok for a little bit, I ended up in hospital after an attempt, but I was getting better, day by day. I applied for college, am doing ok ish on my course. I subsequently got diagnosed with ADHD, and HMS shortly after, and I am struggling, but I am finding that some days I am falling under the water and cannot cope. I am inflicting a lot of this on my wife, being verbally abusive and quite frankly a total c*nt. I have been physically abusive to her in the past which I am in NO WAY proud of. If I had my way before, I would not be posting this and someone would have been scraping my remains off the ground floor of a 18 story drop. This brings us to now. (sorry if it seems a little patchy, I just wanted to give a little context). My OCD is at the point where I cannot stand waking up, I struggle with even little things not working, just the slightest imperfection in something and it must be rectified there and then. It also has left me having to constantly check that I have everything. Many times. It leads to me being late for things and panicking like a bitch when I cannot find something. My memory tends to feed the compulsions. I skin pick, I cut at spots, scars, anything that I deem unnecessary. This was made very apparent to the disability assessor, when I tried to explain things and just couldn't. I was left in such a state after that assessment meeting. I am so grateful for the person I saw for being so caring and understanding. I have found that very little keeps me going at the moment. I am trying so hard, but cannot cope. My HMS leads me to sometimes needing a walking stick. It's embarrassing. I want to end everything and just make this constant sensation of failure and hell end. I have a wife. I have an aunt with two little boys that think the world of me. I have two best friends again with little ones that do the same. I cannot forgive myself for thinking like this. But equally I cannot cope with the way my brain is working. I don't know what the future will hold. I don't know what to do beyond hiding in my room with my laptop and my iPod trying to simulatenously distract myself from myself and hide myself from everything else. Thanks for reading if you got this far, just writing this down has helped me a teeny tiny bit.

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“An interesting title” mocks me... How about life is terrible and why do humans put up with it? A Ted Talk by meHow can somedays the thought of taking my own life is swatted away like a annoying fly in my mind and others it’s the only single thought on my mind the entire day? Today was another one of those all encompassing suffocating days. I hate myself so much. I have no friends at all. And no that’s not an exaggeration. I honestly have not one single friend. I haven’t had a real friendship with someone for at least 5 years. The only reason I’m still around is luck and my self imposed responsibility to my family. My gift of looking like the functional college student doesn’t have a single crack on the outside. I’m really very good at pretending and lying to my family and those that talk to me. Well, that’s it for now... Thanks

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My friend thinks I'm gay I need a girlfriend to prove him wrong. M16

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How can I fuck with my ex? So usually I wouldn't do this, but my ex just got with a guy who sexually abused and traumatized me. I also found out while we were together he was talking to that guy when he said he blocked him, and was texting another guy about how much he wishes he was with that friend instead of me. He's made me feel completely worthless and like shit, but I still have to mail him some clothes and shit he gave me and I want to make it a little special just to get some pay back. Anyone know how to make his life just a little more annoying?

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East Dakota :) Text Post

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I just... really need to vent. I feel wrong about everything I do. There’s all these “what if’s” and possibilities and I’m so fucking stupid and I always think the best is never enough but I can’t even reach halfway to the best option and it hurts and I just feel guilty about how it could’ve hurt others and how me caring about myself is making everything worse and it all sucks I’m sorry if you read this I’m so sorry I’m just done with this shit

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Bah-ha i just saved the world bah-ha, but bah-honestly i cant talk about it its top secret bah-ha its only a matter of time till they make me the president bah-ha ​ . ​ . ​ . ​ . ​ . ​ <Lies> ​ . ​ . ​ (if u understand u understand)

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Valar MorghulisWell, I don't even know where to start. I'm not here for you to say me "Don't do it", "We will miss you" and all that crap. After an extensive analysis of the pros/cons of living I decided to put it an end, as a matter of fact while I write this I'm smoking a "poisoned cigarette". My reasons? I have no future, I fucked up two Careers because I'm just not interested. When I dropped the first one I had the chance to study a new thing in the same university, but I recently screwed that too. I don't know, I'm just lazy, I prefer playing PC games even through I know is wrong, I just can't help it and it's killing me... Basically wasted my parents money and they will be very dissapointed. I know they love me, I love them and I'm sorry they'll have to suffer my death. But I just can't stand it, here in my country without a degree you'll never win over 400 dollars/month (half the money to survive). Just wanted to share my story with you guys. Keep helping the people who needs it, you are all awesome. Farewell. PS: Sorry about my english, spanish is my first language.

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Just finished darling in the franxx If they didn't pull the space bullshit then it would easily be my favorite anime

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I hate my lifeI really do but I can’t seem to have the got to end it so I’m just waiting now I wonder when I’m going to die, for some reason I don’t feel like it’s any time soon

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My final goodbyeIt’s come to my realization recently there is an almost zero chance that I will ever have the life that I’ve been trying to manifest for the last decade and I’m simply not okay with that. I’m no closer to success today than I was 20 years ago and I’m not going to spend the rest of my life hoping and praying and visualizing that a life that is tolerable will somehow magically happen to me. It’s become painfully clear that visualization is bullshit. I am so tired of struggling. Always having nothing. I’ve been in debt literally my entire adult life. Even with two bankruptcies I can’t seem to get my shit together. Every time I try something new to dig my way out it goes to hell. Constant repeated failure really is no longer acceptable to me. I will no longer live with debt that cannot be erased regardless of what I do to try - I’m so tired of the overwhelming stress that comes with that - It’s been literally my entire fucking life. I don’t remember a time that I wasn’t in debt and I don’t remember a time that I haven’t been stressed about finances. It seems as though that the universe has decided, without me, that I am not allowed to be successful financially because literally nothing works out for me regardless how much I want it or how hard I try for it. About a year ago I had what I would call a spiritual awakening. A realization that we are all connected and that our consciousness is eternal but our time here on earth is only temporary. I believe we choose our lives before we get here and everybody has a mission that is spelled out before we’re born. The bonds we create on earth are actually created long before we’re ever even conceived. We all have a pre-destine mission in life and the universe will push us in a the direction we need to go but we are given free will in order to achieve your life mission. I’ve had a lot of amazing opportunities in my life, many of which I have completely fucked up beyond what I can ever recover from. I’ve done stupid things, said stupid things and I’ve hurt people that I was supposed to walk this life with. It’s unfortunate because I know I could have achieved great things with the right partner and proper support. I just got tired of waiting and too proud to ask for more help at this point. Time for a reset. Please also know that there is absolutely nothing that anybody close to me could’ve done to prevent this - literally nothing - so you have absolutely no reason to feel bad or have any thought of “I should’ve or could’ve or would’ve” done something had I only known how bad he was. I’m so sorry to my family and friends and mostly my nephews. I promise that no matter what I will always look out for all of you from the other side. I love you R ✌️ PS please do NOT have a funeral for me. I don’t want anyones money spent on a ridiculous party to celebrate a failed life. Also, I wouldn’t bother dealing with the CRA or the bankruptcy. You’ll only find insurmountably crushing debt that’s pretty much un-erasable anyway... believe me I’ve tried. I’m so sorry if my passing has caused any financial strain to anybody. I have nothing to offer financially but maybe you can sell some of my belongings to cover any expenses that come up from this. Again, I’m so sorry. I just can’t live like this anymore.

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Feel like a failure because I can't get a job.I applied for 15 jobs. I'm 18, no previous experience. It's been 4 months since I started applying and nothing is happening. I'm fixing my resume up, and it's much better than before, but no one is hiring. I feel like a mess up, I can't even get a job at a fast food restaurant.

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my final wordsi have finally decided to commit suicide do whats right and what i should have done earilier i have suffered from post orgasmic illness syndrome for too long seems like there is no way out there is no cure i also think i have damaged my brain goodbye everyone and goodluck with your life my life is a living nightmare i will not be on reddit after this goodbye. it has ruined my life post orgasmic illness syndrome derailed my entire life now its time to die april 5 is my end i am giving myself time to enjoy everything i wanna do and eat everything that i want there is no way out i have finally found a way to deal with post orgamsmic lllness syndrome it hurts so much i was a fool to think i my life is gonna be good one that i can be healed truth is i am damaged forever there is no way out i am done what a fool i was goodbye everyone and goodluck with your life post orgasmic illness syndrome symptoms acalculia-Acalculia is an acquired impairment in which patients have difficulty performing simple mathematical tasks, such as adding, subtracting, multiplying and even simply stating which of two numbers is larger. acrophobia-extreme or irrational fear of heights. agnosia-Agnosia is the inability to process sensory information. Often there is a loss of ability to recognize objects, persons, sounds, shapes, or smells while the specific sense is not defective nor is there any significant memory loss. agoraphobia- Agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed. akathisia- Akathisia is a movement disorder characterized by a feeling of inner restlessness and inability to stay still. akinesia-loss or impairment of the power of voluntary movement. alexia-inability to recognize or read written words or letters, typically as a result of brain damage. amusia-musia: The inability to recognize musical tones or to reproduce them. Amusia can be congenital (present at birth) or be acquired sometime later in life (as from brain damage). Amusia is composed of a- + -musia and literally means the lack of music. Also commonly called tone deafness. anhedonia-nability to feel pleasure in normally pleasurable activities. anomia-a form of aphasia in which the patient is unable to recall the names of everyday objects. anosognosia-: an inability or refusal to recognize a defect or disorder that is clinically evident. anxiety-an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or worry about something that is happening or might happen in the future: apraxia-inability to perform particular purposive actions, as a result of brain damage. arachnophobia-extreme or irrational fear of spiders. ataxia-the loss of full control of bodily movements. bradykinesia-Bradykinesia: Slow movement. Bradykinesia is often associated with an impaired ability to adjust the body's position. cataplexy -a medical condition in which strong emotion or laughter causes a person to suffer sudden physical collapse though remaining conscious. chorea-a neurological disorder characterized by jerky involuntary movements affecting especially the shoulders, hips, and face. claustrophobia-extreme or irrational fear of confined places. confusion deliberate self harm and drug overdose depression-he state of feeling very unhappy and without hope for the future. dysarthria-difficult or unclear articulation of speech that is otherwise linguistically normal. dysdiadochokinesia-, is the medical term for an impaired ability to perform rapid, alternating movements (i.e., diadochokinesia). Complete inability is called adiadochokinesia. dysgraphia-Dysgraphia is a learning disability that affects writing abilities. It can manifest itself as difficulties with spelling, poor handwriting and trouble putting thoughts on paper. dystonia-a state of abnormal muscle tone resulting in muscular spasm and abnormal posture, typically due to neurological disease or a side effect of drug therapy. euphoria-a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness. hallucination headache hemiballismus and ballismus-Hemiballismus is unilateral rapid, nonrhythmic, nonsuppressible, wildly flinging movement of the proximal arm and/or leg; homicidal ideation- Like suicide ideation, homicide ideation can range from vague vengeful thoughts to detailed planning towards completing a homicide. Al insomnia- inablity to sleep at night mania-n excessive enthusiasm or desire; an obsession. paralysis paranoia or persecution-the loss of the ability to move (and sometimes to feel anything) in part or most of the body, typically as a result of illness, poison, or injury. paresthesia-an abnormal sensation, typically tingling or pricking (‘pins and needles’), caused chiefly by pressure on or damage to peripheral nerves. "patients complain of painful paraesthes phobia prosopagnosia-inablity to recognize faces sciatica-ain affecting the back, hip, and outer side of the leg, caused by compression of a spinal nerve root in the lower back, often owing to degeneration of an intervertebral disc. somnolence -Sleepiness, the state of feeling drowsy, ready to fall asleep. A person experiencing somnolence is somnolent and is acting somnolently. S suicidal ideation-constant thoughts of commiting suicide tic tremor cachexia loss of appetite weight loss weight gain dry mouth fatigue -extreme tiredness resulting from mental or physical exertion or illness. malaise- a general feeling of discomfort, illness, or unease whose exact cause is difficult to identify. asthenia-abnormal physical weakness or lack of energy. muscle weakness pyrexia -raised body temperature; fever. jaundice -bitterness, resentment, or cynicism. pain abdominal pain (R10) chest pain bruising epistaxis-bleeding from the nose. tremor -an involuntary quivering movement. convulsions -a sudden, violent, irregular movement of the body, caused by involuntary contraction of muscles and associated especially with brain disorders such as epilepsy, the presence of certain toxins or other agents in the blood, or fever in children. muscle cramps (R25.2) tinnitus-ringing or buzzing in the ears. dizziness / vertigo -a sensation of spinning around and losing one's balance. syncope -temporary loss of consciousness caused by a fall in blood pressure. hypothermia -the condition of having an abnormally (typically dangerously) low body temperature. hyperthermia-the condition of having a body temperature greatly above normal. discharge bleeding swelling-an abnormal enlargement of a part of the body, typically as a result of an accumulation of fluid. deformity-the quality or state of being deformed, disfigured, or misshapen sweats chills and shivering it has ruined my life post orgasmic illness syndrome derailed my entire life now its time to die april 5 is my end i am giving myself time to enjoy everything i wanna do and eat everything that i want there is no way out i have finally found a way to deal with post orgamsmic lllness syndrome it hurts so much i was a fool to think i my life is gonna be good one that i can be healed truth is i am damaged forever there is no way out i am done what a fool i was goodbye everyone and goodluck with your life and one last thiing before i die i wanna settle my score

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I’m still here. I’m just really sadI think if I tried to attempt, I’d fail again and then I’d feel even worse... if that’s even possible

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Why cant he be normal? So I (16f) had a crush on this guy (18m). We would flirt and play and shit. Then I gave him head. Then he started not quite ignoring me (we work together) but like not aknowledging me or acting like I'm there. No more jokes or whatnot. Absolutely nothing. And I get it. He was only after one thing. And he got it. But like come on. I get it that you never had feelings. I dont either. But why just completely avoid me? Just fucking be normal for christs sake. Anyone have any clue as to why he's like this? Bc I'm stumped.

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Just a huge rantI thought I would share this because I been dealing with this for 3 years and I attempted suicide 6 times but people seriously need to stop it now I made videos about this on my YouTube channel and videos on my Instagram and snapchat but people wont stop or leave me alone I never sleep from this either but I'm crying for help I'm not attention seeking or even fake and people saying I deserve depression do I deserve it NO I BEEN DEALING WITH THIS FOR 3 YEARS I BEEN TO HOSPITAL I CANT EVEN GET THERAPIST OR ANYTHING MY FAMILY THINKS IM ATTENTION SEEKER AND FAKE TOO I REALLY WANT TO FUCKING DIE ALREADY PLEASE STOP IT IM SOBBING I SHOULD KILL MYSELF AGES AGO IM SUCH A PATHETIC BITCH I have no purpose here I'm worthless I was mistake I just wish I was never born... nobody never understands I should die...

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My friend said they used to have a crush on me It's not really a big deal, they're over it and I prefer platonic relationships, I just am bored and wanted to put something on reddit

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Hello teenagers of reddit, what advice do you have for me, a dad, to help raise my little people? I could ask other parents but for real, we grow up and kinda forget what it was like growing up you know? My parents never took much of an interest in me besides the necessities like food, clothing, and shelter. Which is a solid start I suppose. What are some things you wish you’re parents would do more often? What are some things you absolutely wish they would just stop right away if they actually listened to you?

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‪I don’t think there’s anything more depressing than finding yourself on the way to the hospital after a suicide attempt and realizing you don’t even have anyone to tell. ‬Cut too deep, on my way to the hospital to get stitches. Second suicide attempt this month. I’m already at a residential treatment center but clearly it’s not working. Sitting in the car with a staff member I don’t know and realizing I have no one to text to let them know that I’m on my way to the hospital. How depressing is that.

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I decided to fight last night and I am currently terrified it wont lastI posted my really long google doc explain my whole situation here and on r/depression yesterday and some of the responses I received resonated with me. I finally sent the document to my gaming clan, who hold me in high regard, after 30 minutes of physical agony trying to press enter. About 20 minutes later it felt amazing, like the wound healing after the bandage was ripped off. I didn't know what was healing, but it was, and any healing is good. As I've been saying, a thousand mile journey starts with a single step, right? But I'm currently shaking and my heart is racing because I have a strong feeling I'll lose the willpower to live again. My chest hurts just thinking about it, and I cant stop thinking about it. I played a game and had a little bit of fun last night and I dont want to lose that again. I'm scared to my core right now.

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I'm out of options..I've been here before. I've already attempted numerous times. It's just..well..lately, things have gotten back to how they were before I was sent to inpatient, if not worse. I've driven all the friends I had away, my family scorns me behind my back, and I don't have like..anyone I can talk to anymore. Is this really the answer? Because for so long, there has been no light at the end of the tunnel. One is approaching rapidly now..but I don't think it's an exit..

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Why do I hurt everyone that I love? I’m so stupid I always do something that affects the ones closest to me. I can never have a girl for longer than 2 weeks. Why am I such a fucking cunt. I’m such a rage filled bastard. I try do make the effort but every time I show my true colours and end hurting those closest to me.

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im so fucking stupidI never bothered to memorize my times tables and its been fucking up the ass in middle school. And everytime i get bad grades my parents beat me

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I am not well. I was blessed with a NASA internship that I feel I have no right to, a loving family, etc. But I am closer to suicide than I think I’ve been most of my life.I’ve planned twice. Those were my lowest points so far. But this pit I’m in right now is unfathomable. I don’t know how to get out. I am surrounded by smiles but they don’t listen when I say I’m in trouble. They say I’m sorry Or “i hope you find a way around meds to help yourself!” Or “you’re so smart and capable! You’ll be fine!” But I’m not fine. I feel like I’m screaming in a glass enclosed room and they’re just not seeing me. I don’t know what to do, but I feel so, immensely alone. The worst part is that I know I have people to reach out to, I’m just not sure if I can handle platitudes anymore. I’m tired I’m so tired

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You don't have to lose weight for people to stop calling you fat and bullying you for it. Just put on some much muscle it's overwhelming and they notice your ***GINORMOUS*** bulk before anything else.

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(15f) What were you told as a child as advice? Like if someone starts assaulting you, you yell fire instead of help because otherwise no one will come

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Need some advice So I am a 17 male and I have a crush on a 16 male! I see myself as bi though. The thing is my crush has already a girlfriend and even though I tried to tell him that I love him he didn't get the hints! Right now I don't know of its good to tell him or not? I do know that he is OK with people being gay and stuff. I should also need him to help me with my depression! I really belive he could help me but I am to afraid to ask! So I could use some advice PS first time after posting something on a forum and asking for help Thanks in advance! Munkiewunk63

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So I’m joining a football academy in hopes of becoming a professional. So if you’re an academy player I’d really love some advice on my Do’s and don’ts.

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I tried to hang myself a couple hours ago. Fell down. Now, I'm ready to try something new; jumping off my roofPlease do hope that this actually works. I have written about why I want to do this in my other posts enough. I dont really have much to say other than goodbye now.

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Sorry to everyone who tried to help me.I wish I could say I've gotten better, but I haven't. I'm still the same garbage human. Now I feel even shittier. I keep saying that I'm gonna do it so I probably should. Seems like I'm going to run out people who will listen to me if I keep crying wolf. Goodbye. I'm sorry.

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Can’t escapeCan’t escape this constant fucking disappointment. I disappoint everyone around me. I had all intentions of just letting the drugs take over me. Now the only thing stopping me is actually having people waiting. But that’s almost done and can’t disappoint anyone much longer.

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I am not sure what I expect out of sharing this. Anytime I have reached out in a moment of deep despair to our community through the various subs all the beautiful people rush forward and try to help which I appreciate immensely. However, even if I am alleviated of the pain of my existential issues, the issues themselves remain. So I have found myself in a moment with less emotional intensity and may be better equipped to rationally examine this. I have been VERY careful not to discuss this with most people because I fear disrupting their foundation upon which all the good things rest (ideals, dreams, goals...etc). If I am to progress past this low point in my life, I absolutely need to approach the issue from all angles here. I am not great with structuring these things sometimes, so please forgive me. Of all the lingering elements from my past that still bother me, the foremost amongst these is my endless source of **self-loathing** and my issues being invested in this world, in this life. While discovering I was trans finally gave me what I needed for decades, the knowledge of what I am, everyone is aware that 'it can get worse before it gets better'. I rode most of these waves rather well, I believe, considering all that has to be unpacked, disposed off and the healing that must occur. But I think these two things I mentioned keep coming back to bother me. How can I stop hating myself (if I even should!)? I have felt this and fed this since middle school, about twenty years ago. While life has occasionally distracted me from this omnipresent fact, this is part of the poison that seeps into the well. I have tried creating positive feedback loops with proper self-talk and productivity, revising my mental narrative and outright ignoring those thoughts and feelings and focusing elsewhere. I have seen therapists and I am familiar with their tools. But this is DEEP and implacable. Next, as with many of us on this path, I managed to **survive by escaping** this world. For me that meant graphic novels, standard novels, gaming and eventually substances. Some people think I am strong, but I only managed to endure by being mindful of putting one foot in front of the other while dreaming of other worlds, of another life. Now, even when I try, I struggle to engage with this life. And by that I mean to really feel invested, to DESIRE to work on something and improve something, to have the hope of any success. I have always felt like I have been a person that just 'was not there'. (Warning for others that are older, harsh thoughts for my age ahead) All of this is exacerbated by getting older. Its a feeling like waking up from a coma in a house that is literally falling apart around me. Having to struggle to get my life on track fighting with the momentum it has taken on and maintaining (without any hope of actually improving really) my body and appearance is just devastating. I was better of not caring at all. Who is out there for me? What is there at all at this point? Acceptance? Surrender? Just making it through and surviving? Those sound like compensation prizes, like an achievement worth little to no value. I have focused on goals, ran upon the hedonic treadmill, and behind every thought is...**why?** My moment basking in the warmth of my trans epiphany has faded, and I am left with the harsh reality of picking up whatever pieces I can find and seeing their value. And for me, I see none. I am weak, I am afraid, and I am a burden to my family and friends. I have broken hearts when I was lost and made so many mistakes. I just want rest, please....I just want to not be me anymore. I do not think kind sentiments will do much anymore. Thank you for reading, Lilith

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this sub sucks this sub sucks idk what else I should add pls don't ban

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Difficult thoughtsSo, I'm in one of my crisis and just came across here while trying to find something to get my mind off of everything. So I guess I'll just post away and hopes it helps a bit. So, I had a friend. She commited suicide in 2012, and I got to know only in 2013. I was in my last year of high school when I discovered, and I had a fight with her. Stupid reasons, really. Mostly not agreeing on stuff that really wasn't important. When I tried to talk to her again to apologize, or something, I got the news. It was heartbreaking, and I wish I could have done something, anything. I mean, we were both pretty alone at... life really. And just like that, a person that was one of my only friends was gone, just like that. Nothing I could feel other than the pain it left, that I could never talk to her again. That all I have now is fucking memories. So, you'd think, due to my experience, that I'd learn something. I don't know. But even all those years later I just did not forgive myself. I'm not particularly alone, and I KNOW there are people that care. That they are with me, and all that. Still, even when people say that I'm worth it or whatever, I can't seem to believe it. All that comes through my mind is how much I fucked everything up for basically nothing, and how nothing I could ever do would revert that. It's so stupid, but yet, every once in a while, it becomes so heavy and I just don't know what to do. I think that I'm not worth it. That it'd be better if everything came to a stop. But yet, I do believe in the words of the few people that say they care, no matter how hollow they seem when I think about it. Basically, yeah, I don't know. Honestly, I just feel like utter shit, and usually I tank this shit alone, as I've always did. And I see where it takes me. I just wait and see, like the stupid coward I am. Anyway, I'm sorry about this. I'm not sure it all made sense, but this is how I'm feeling. this is how I usually feel when late night comes around and I can't just so something to make it go away. Anyway, I'm sorry if this bothered anyone. I just needed to let this out in a different place, in a place where I don't have the certainty people will just say that I should "let it go" already.

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Which one is safer Weed or alcohol?

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US, UK, Kangaroo Aus and Sweden are the 4 only countries who care the world US, UK, Kangaroo Aus and Sweden are the 4 only countries who care the world

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My mother passed away today...I just wanted to come here and ask for anyone willing to talk to me. My mom passed away this morning. Wrote us a note to all of us... well that’s the most I can bare to describe. We already are setting up funeral arrangements... fuck how long does one cope ? Pls

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i have nothing left.i tried to improve my life by stopping drinking and benzos. 3 days in I had 2 seizures and spent a few days in the hospital. i fell and fucked my back up pretty bad when I had the second one. I wake up in agony every day. it hurts to walk. i cant afford to go to a doctor ive been sober 14 days and my life has gone downhill dramatically. I am being evicted in a few days. I have nowhere to go. My family hates me. They have a huge house but don't want me around. I got out of the hospital with a smile on my face. It's been soooo long since i've been surrounded by nice, smart people. the nurses were great. i've been a drunk for 3 years. i haven't worked, i've done nothing. my sister got pregnant and had to move back home, my dads wife left him, we're all broke. my sister doesn't want me around either. i went over there tonight and she called the cops, (second time in a week). they told me to leave or they'd arrest me. on my way out they pulled me over and gave me a $180 ticket for not fully stopping at a stop sign. I can't pay that either. I try to talk to my dad, he says he doesn't care anymore, he wants to kill himself too. he's facing eviction. he's had it with me and my siblings. My sister encouraged me to kill myself. my entire family is against me. I don't have a friend in the world. I don't know what to do. arent I entitled to happiness? isn't everyone? why did my life turn out like this? how the fuck did this happen? I can't live like this. I've got 2 days to make a decision and it's not looking good. I'm not going to be homeless. I'll be dead before that happens.

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Desperately Need HelpI can't do this anymore. I spend each day doing my best to pretend everything is okay. I take my meds. I do my TMS therapy. But I'm struggling so damn much the only thing that makes me feel anything better is eating so much until I throw up. Nothing gives me joy anymore. I'm under so much pressure at home and can't give a damn about my schoolwork. I need someone to rely on, but there's no one I can tell everything to. There's so much

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Whats the hype over Among Us about? This game has been out for a long ass time, why are mfs playing it just now?

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Who's more stupid, my brother or me? So when we make our cup noodles, we always pour random temperature of water in at the drawn line, and then we microwave it for 3 minutes. And yesterday, me and my brother were making our own noodles at the same time so we decided to put them in the microwave together. And I said that 3+3=6 so we should set the timer for 6 minutes because it divides the heat... or something. But he disagreed and said that we should still set the timer for 3 minutes because (of a reason i forgot). So we agreed to set the timer for 6 minutes but take them out when 3 minutes are left. And when 3 minutes were left, I took them out and felt them and they were harder than usual. He felt them and agreed with me and said to put them in for the remaining 3 minutes... but still disagrees with me and thinks that he's right. Who's more stupid here?

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Anybody ok with talking on snapchat or something ? For real I am kinda bored and would like to meet someone new and pretty much talk to that person about movies , games and stuff. If you wanna talk , you can dm me and I will add you or I will give you my snap.

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WHAT EVER YOU DO. DONT WATCH “megan is missing” DONT DO IT TRUST ME Its a horror story what is based on a true storie. A girl named megan and her friend get abducted and get tortured and rape on film Its found footage in 2007 and made into a film in 2010. The torture and prisoned and rape scenes are real Personally ive seen alot of fucked up shit but this one is scary and disturbing People on tik tok say it’s scary and they havent even watched it

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Why should I take career advice from a teacher that makes $40k/year? I take everything teachers tell me with a grain of salt bc these adults rly be out here telling me what to do when they themselves aren't even making a livable wage in their 40s

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Transgender people are fucking valid!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ

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My google just scared the shit out of me So i have a google and a phone that has google i was using my phone cause i thought my google was unplugged i say hey google wake me up at six and the google activates and scared the living hell out of me

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Post nut clarification be hitting hard I just came onto my closet wall I now I fell like I committed a war crime

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Do y’all ever think... I’m gonna love my kids so much more than my parents love me and I’m gonna let them be themselves. But then you realize that no one will ever love you enough to have kids with you

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Bois, its (almost) official Before today it was suspended that i have corona, now its basically guaranteed, my brother got his test back as positive and i also have symptoms so i (most likely) have it too. Ill do a test in like 1 or 2 days, just to get it official

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i wanna die!! :Di really hope i die tonight but i’m too pussy to attempt. oh well :(( guess i just gotta keep manifesting for now

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Was just called a Jewish slur I hate public schools. Full of racist, homophobic, and anti-Semitic. (As well as other religions). There is a guy (M14) who constantly says horrible things on the bus and causes problems every single day. Today I just got so angry at him because he was making fun of Jewish songs. I told him to shut up and he responded with calling me a Kike. That’s like saying the N-word to a person..

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Who’s Excited? The Phineas and Ferb movie comes out tomorrow! I loved that show when I was 6, it was my childhood.

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Is someone out there willing to invite me to a vanilla minecraft server Pleeze? I‘m just frigging loneley

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Feeling alone and unwantedToday makes the 1 year anniversary of me [19M] moving 1000 miles away from my home to go to my dream college. I moved south because of what my brothers told me, “move away from home, push yourself outside of your comfort zone and you will be amazing with how much you grow”. Well, the only thing that grew on my was a feeling of worthlessness and insecurity. All I see around me are kids my age that are so much more mature or interesting or attractive than me. How do they already have so much more figured out. So much as talking to someone in the hall fills me with dread. Each semester starts the same, I’m so excited to meet new people; to finally get rid of being alone, except I can’t leave my bed I’m so overcome with the fear of humiliating myself. Since coming to college I’ve met people who eventually ghost me and end up just adding to the long list of snapchat stories I watch that only make me sink further into my whole. I’m done here. I can’t even quit and go home, my mother would be so upset. She’s already managing a divorce and counseling of her own, I can’t burden her with this. If I was to die, I don’t think anyone would notice.

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its gonna end soonits gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon its gonna end soon

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German accent is super cute I really love the German accent, it is super cute! I just think that it is a shame no one my age has it in my country (mostly because of the prohibiting of it in the 40s) I still love it and think is is really cute, and the leftovers we had off it are still cool I guess

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Can someone help me with my math homework I'm factoring trinomials and kind of get it. One question is x^2 +2x -15 The answer is (x-3)(x+5), but I don't understand how to chose which number is negative and which is positive.

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fuck fake people everyone in my hs is so fake i cant stand it

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Not really suicidal, just depressed...For a while (a couple of years) I have been getting more and more depressed. However, I'm very good at hiding it, so the only people who know are my close friends who cared enough to listen to my stoned rants about how shitty my life is. Actually, that's not true. My life is great compared to a lot of people; my family rocks, I have (a decent amount) of money, I'm in college, and good friends. But there is one thing that has been missing from my life; a relationship. I'm basically your generic nerd redditor who has never had any intimate encounter with a girl. I'm 20 now, and it's awkward to admit. I have a girl I kind of like who I work with, but she's from Nepal and has a boyfriend so I pretty much have no hopes. I really want to tell my parents how depressed and lonely I am, but I don't want to worry about me and spend tons of money on a therapist. They have enough worries without worrying about me. I know they would give me all the help in the world, but I just can't bring myself to telling them about it. Every time my Mom randomly asks "Are you O.K?", I think for a second to say no and tell her everything. But instead I smile, say "Of course Mom!", and move on with my life. Anyways, I just wanted to vent here because I know the people here will listen. It actually really helps to type out my feelings like this.

suicide

It's hero time boys. It's official, my sister's gonna be DMing a mutants and masterminds campaign. I've already got my character made and it'll be starting it up in a week or two. I'll keep you updated.

non-suicide

I have a joke about paper However it’s pretty tearable

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A Meaningless RantHonestly, I don’t know how to properly put this into words but I feel the need to so I can get some proper sleep rn. I have no goals, I’m a Christian without faith and can’t find the point to living anymore. I’m 18 years old and have never felt more tired in my life in Uni as my daily life drains me more and more.And I ask myself every bloody day “what’s the point of being here?” I want to die to begin with but I had to have the typical fear of maiming and surviving. This isn’t a new question, it’s been haunting me for about 6 years and I don’t know how to get any drive back, nor has my life improved. The coffee doesn’t help nor does the medicine. I get that people say uni and studying are for the future and they’re necessary skills/trades. But why bother with it when your suicidal, the amount of time I envision myself dying is probably more than I study daily. I’m just taking a random course to begin with so I don’t even know why I’m even going to uni, probably to just meet expectations. It’s not that I have no one. I have friends and family that I can rely on and I know it’s a privilege. But I just can’t seem to find the drive to keep on going as the older I get the worse it becomes. In conclusion I guess I wanted to come out and rant to a bunch a strangers about it since I don’t know how my friends or non-family would take it I’ve told my parents that I am in fact suicidal 2 weeks ago they took it well, a bit too calmly idk, nothing has changed in our relationship for better or worse Ps: sorry for the poorly flowing sentences, I haven’t seen my class on how to write a proper suicidal rant

suicide

Stupid thoughtsI am struggling to feel like I belong in this world. I am 26 years old, I have a boyfriend who is mentally and sometimes physically abusive. It is easy to say JUST LEAVE, but I have two children, no job and nowhere else to go. I am currently learning a trade, but even when I am at school my classmates seem to cringe at me no matter how friendly I am. **I try to people please and it ends up with people annoyed by my presence. I just want to feel like I belong, or like people want me around.** I feel like if I was no longer here, everything might even be better. My kids have great dads so they would go with them and be well off. I find myself crying at night wondering why nobody, including my own boyfriend of 6 years does not want me around. Now im sitting here thinking of suicide methods, because I feel like I have no place in this world. I feel so lonely. I have had a long life of drug addictive parents, to stripping and prostitution, to trying to better my life. I still have nothing to offer this world. I wish these bad thoughts would just go away.

suicide

I think I’m falling in love for the first time pretty much ever I dont think that this is a highschool delusion too, I think I’ve legitimately met someone I could spend the rest of my life with. It really sucks that I met her now and not like in college but you never know. Ive known this girl about three weeks now and we have connected so well and talked so much that it’s crazy. But blah blah blah I’m in love, really hope this works out haha.

non-suicide

Unpopular opinion : the excited award is so wholesome I mean look at it. Its sweet surprised smile and its tiny hands and its shiny open eyes! I am crying from how cute it is for real i want to give it a hug so bad

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Fuck asktransgenderFuck the mods at r/asktransgender I make a post about what I’m struggling with as a trans woman and they just ban and mute me without explanation. Well I’ll tell you what - I’m going to blow my brains out tonight in the middle of a major city and I’m going to have their names written on my body so the media can have fun contacting those fucking cunts about what they know about why I blew my head off. Fuck everyone and fuck all of your stupid fucking privileged lives

suicide

Would any of us even be here is suicide wasn’t romanticized?No one has ever lived to tell us what it feels like, if it is truly a solution.

suicide

I take what people say too seriously sometimes I was told I looked tired yesterday and idk why I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I had to pretend I didn’t care but it bothered me. Once I was a leader in a group and I feel like I did a lot of the work. The teacher said that I don’t even do much, he might have been joking but it hurt me so much

non-suicide

Does online s**ual h****sment exist? And if yes...if you didn't specifically oppose to it even though you didn't want it, than it doesn't count does it? Btw I didn't know on which community to ask this, I hope it's alright here

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Being alive is traumaticI can’t look at people. Every thought I have is terrible. I can barely form a sentence anymore. I can only eat and sleep to distract myself. I’m definitely ready to die. This is fucking ridiculous.

suicide

I crave deathI've been doing this for 31 years and I can't anymore. Enough drugs and alcohol and my body will sort itself out. I'm weak and pathetic and tired and I hate myself. I hate being alive when I feel so dead inside. Time to make the exterior match.

suicide

The time has come.I personally feel, that the time has finally come for me to take some of my Oxy's, and slit my wrist finally. I am making plans to write out my "good byes" tonight and then get ready for this all to be over. I can't handle this anymore. it is all getting too much. I'm tired of being Tired all the time and not having anything to look forward to in this life.

suicide

i have a semi plannot really a plan plan tbh i just want to slightly attempt at this point so i can go to the hospital or just chance it idk i just feel like i’m gonna snap soon i just don’t know if the plan would even work but i can’t comment it here or anything because it’s against the rules and i don’t want to give people ideas

suicide

Heading off to sleep, comment the most random stuff, and I'll check and reply in the morning Amogus

non-suicide

no reason to existim 23 ive had type 1 diabetes my whole life neuropathy and arthritis now because of my type one diabetes i literally have no friends the friends i had in high school all moved away or even worse died my best friend from high school that i hung out with every single day died of an overdose on his 18 birthday back when i was 17 ive done nothing with my life since and tbh dont even want to my dad had open heart surgery last year hes going to die soon my mom always reminds me of it too i still live with my parents i dont have a job dont want one dont see the point of it i dont want to go to school dont see the point of it im literally the most miserable person youll ever meet i irritate and piss off other people and no one will ever even try to be friends with me my one friend from the one thing i mildly enjoy doing which is playing video games which is the only thing ive ever considered myself worthwhile at i had a 4k mlg rank was top 1k in pubs in almost every cod when i played top 100 in alot of other video games as well as diamond on league of legends on multiple accounts not that it makes me happy just makes me feel like at least im good at something in life but anyways my one friend the one kid that survived all my bullshit and i am a toxic person mind you i yell at everyone and take out my problems on everyone around me my one friend had enough he told me he doesnt want to be friends with me anymore he told me that being around me makes him a worse person and mind you i was yelling at him today as usual as i am fucking intolerable and yell at everyone even those i consider friends and i fucking cried i up and cried i was in the middle of a game and i couldnt even play i just started fucking crying i sat there and wrote a 30 minute goodbye as i know its best for him to not be friends with a toxic asshole like me ive told him that many times but i wont lie i didnt expect him to not want to be friends with me i fucking hate my miserable life and honestly if i had a gun i think i would do it i really have tried to kill myself before using my insulin and slicing my wrist and even trying to od but i doubt i could actually manage to kill myself doing such things the only way i could actually do it is with a gun and unforunately i dont have one i just dont care to exist i have no reason to im a burden to everyone and honestly and im sure this gets said alot here the world would be better off without me

suicide

I just lost the woman I lovedMy relationship with this amazing girl ended last night. I loved her and due to having a really really hard past where I have been hurt by parents family friends and women it's hard for me to trust. And I trusted and it's gone. For the first time I've not been happy that I have a girlfriend I was happy I had her. I love her. And it's over and I don't have any close friends. She was my best friend. I feel so alone and so hopeless and for once someone loved that I'm just a dork. For once someone saw something in me. For once I felt like I was actually worth something. For once I trusted. So many women are focused on sex and just don't really care. And she was different. She was everything I've ever wanted and we are over. I have had so much go wrong in my life and so little go right. I just hurt so much

suicide